initial commit of ebook 35464HEADmain

9 files changed, 23676 insertions, 0 deletions

diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6833f05
--- /dev/null
+++ b/.gitattributes
@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+* text=auto
+*.txt text
+*.md text
diff --git a/35464-8.txt b/35464-8.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c54f463
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35464-8.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,7873 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Tales from Blackwood, by Various
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Tales from Blackwood
+       Volume 4
+
+Author: Various
+
+Release Date: March 3, 2011 [EBook #35464]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TALES FROM BLACKWOOD ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by D Alexander, Juliet Sutherland and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+ TALES
+ FROM
+ "BLACKWOOD"
+
+
+ Contents of this Volume.
+
+
+ _How I Stood for the Dreepdaily Burghs. By Professor Aytoun_
+
+ _First and Last. By William Mudford_
+
+ _The Duke's Dilemma.--A Chronicle of Niesenstein_
+
+ _The Old Gentleman's Teetotum._
+
+ _"Woe to us when we lose the Watery Wall."_
+
+ _My College Friends.--Charles Russell, the Gentleman-Commoner_
+
+ _The Magic Lay of the One-Horse Chay. By the late John Hughes, A.M._
+
+ WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS
+ EDINBURGH AND LONDON
+
+
+
+
+TALES FROM "BLACKWOOD."
+
+
+
+
+HOW I STOOD FOR THE DREEPDAILY BURGHS.
+
+BY PROFESSOR AYTOUN.
+
+[_MAGA._ SEPTEMBER 1847.]
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+"My dear Dunshunner," said my friend Robert M'Corkindale as he entered
+my apartments one fine morning in June last, "do you happen to have seen
+the share-list? Things are looking in Liverpool as black as thunder. The
+bullion is all going out of the country, and the banks are refusing to
+discount."
+
+Bob M'Corkindale might very safely have kept his information to himself.
+I was, to say the truth, most painfully aware of the facts which he
+unfeelingly obtruded upon my notice. Six weeks before, in the full
+confidence that the panic was subsiding, I had recklessly invested my
+whole capital in the shares of a certain railway company, which for the
+present shall be nameless; and each successive circular from my broker
+conveyed the doleful intelligence that the stock was going down to
+Erebus. Under these circumstances I certainly felt very far from being
+comfortable. I could not sell out except at a ruinous loss; and I could
+not well afford to hold on for any length of time, unless there was a
+reasonable prospect of a speedy amendment of the market. Let me confess
+it--I had of late come out rather too strong. When a man has made money
+easily, he is somewhat prone to launch into expense, and to presume too
+largely upon his credit. I had been idiot enough to make my _debut_ in
+the sporting world--had started a couple of horses upon the verdant turf
+of Paisley--and, as a matter of course, was remorselessly sold by my
+advisers. These and some other minor amusements had preyed deleteriously
+upon my purse. In fact, I had not the ready; and as every tradesman
+throughout Glasgow was quaking in his shoes at the panic, and
+inconveniently eager to realise, I began to feel the reverse of
+comfortable, and was shy of showing myself in Buchanan Street.
+Severaldocuments of a suspicious appearance--owing to the beastly
+practice of wafering, which is still adhered to by a certain class
+of correspondents--were lying upon my table at the moment when Bob
+entered. I could see that the villain comprehended their nature at a
+glance; but there was no use in attempting to mystify him. The Political
+Economist was, as I was well aware, in very much the same predicament as
+myself.
+
+"To tell you the truth, M'Corkindale, I have not opened a share-list for
+a week. The faces of some of our friends are quite long enough to serve
+as a tolerable exponent of the market; and I saw Grabbie pass about five
+minutes ago with a yard of misery in his visage. But what's the news?"
+
+"Everything that is bad! Total stoppage expected in a week, and the
+mills already put upon short time."
+
+"You don't say so!"
+
+"It is a fact. Dunshunner, this infernal tampering with the currency
+will be the ruin of every mother's son of us!"--and here Bob, in a fit
+of indignant enthusiasm, commenced a vivid harangue upon the principles
+of contraction and expansion, bullion, the metallic standard, and the
+Bank reserves, which no doubt was extremely sound, but which I shall not
+recapitulate to the reader.
+
+"That's all very well, Bob," said I--"very good in theory, but we should
+confine ourselves at present to practice. The main question seems to me
+to be this: How are we to get out of our present fix? I presume you are
+not at present afflicted with a remarkable plethora of cash?"
+
+"Every farthing I have in the world is locked up in a falling line."
+
+"Any debts?"
+
+"Not many; but quite enough to make me meditate a temporary retirement
+to Boulogne!"
+
+"I believe you are better off than I am. I not only owe money, but am
+terribly bothered about some bills."
+
+"That's awkward. Would it not be advisable to bolt?"
+
+"I don't think so. You used to tell me, Bob, that credit was the next
+best thing to capital. Now, I don't despair of redeeming my capital yet,
+if I can only keep up my credit."
+
+"Right, undoubtedly, as you generally are. Do you know, Dunshunner, you
+deserve credit for your notions on political economy. But how is that to
+be done? Everybody is realising; the banks won't discount; and when your
+bills become due, they will be, to a dead certainty, protested."
+
+"Well--and what then?"
+
+"_Squalor carceris_, et cetera."
+
+"Hum--an unpleasant alternative, certainly. Come, Bob! put your wits to
+work. You used to be a capital hand for devices, and there must be some
+way or other of steering clear. Time is all we want."
+
+"Ay, to be sure--time is the great thing. It would be very unpleasant to
+look out on the world through a grating during the summer months!"
+
+"I perspire at the bare idea!"
+
+"Not a soul in town--all your friends away in the Highlands boating, or
+fishing, or shooting grouse--and you pent up in a stifling apartment of
+eight feet square, with nobody to talk to save the turnkey, and no
+prospect from the window except a deserted gooseberry stall!"
+
+"O Bob, don't talk in that way! You make me perfectly miserable."
+
+"And all this for a ministerial currency crotchet? 'Pon my soul, it's
+too bad! I wish those fellows in Parliament----"
+
+"Well? Go on."
+
+"By Jove! I've an idea at last!"
+
+"You don't say so! My dear Bob--out with it!"
+
+"Dunshunner, are you a man of pluck?"
+
+"I should think I am."
+
+"And ready to go the whole hog, if required?"
+
+"The entire animal."
+
+"Then I'll tell you what it is--the elections will be on
+immediately--and, by St Andrew, we'll put you up for Parliament!"
+
+"Me!"
+
+"You. Why not? There are hundreds of men there quite as hard up, and not
+half so clever as yourself."
+
+"And what good would that do me?"
+
+"Don't you see? You need not care a farthing about your debts then, for
+the personal liberty of a member of the House of Commons is sacred. You
+can fire away right and left at the currency; and who knows, if you
+play your cards well, but you may get a comfortable place?"
+
+"Well, you _are_ a genius, Bob! But then, what sort of principles should
+I profess?"
+
+"That is a matter which requires consideration. What are your own
+feelings on the subject?"
+
+"Perfect indifference. I am pledged to no party, and am free to exercise
+my independent judgment."
+
+"Of course, of course! We shall take care to stick all that into the
+address; but you must positively come forward with some kind of tangible
+political views. The currency will do for one point, but as to the
+others I see a difficulty."
+
+"Suppose I were to start as a Peelite?"
+
+"Something may be said in favour of that view; but, on the whole, I
+should rather say not. That party may not look up for some little time,
+and then the currency is a stumbling block in the way. No, Dunshunner, I
+do not think, upon my honour, that it would be wise for you to commit
+yourself in that quarter at the present moment."
+
+"If it were possible, I should like to join the Conservatives. They must
+come uppermost soon, for they are men of pluck and ability. What do you
+say to that? It is an advantage to act with gentlemen."
+
+"True; but at the same time, I see many objections. In a year or two
+these may disappear; but the press is at present against them, and I
+should like you to start with popularity on your side."
+
+"Radical, then? What do you think of Annual Parliaments, Universal
+Suffrage, Vote by Ballot, and separation of Church and State?"
+
+"I am clear against that. These views are not popular with the electors,
+and even the mob would entertain a strong suspicion that you were
+humbugging them."
+
+"What, then, on earth, am I to do?"
+
+"I will tell you. Come out as a pure and transparent Whig. In the
+present position of parties, it is at least a safe course to pursue, and
+it is always the readiest step to the possession of the loaves and the
+fishes."
+
+"Bob, I don't like the Whigs!"
+
+"No more do I. They are a bad lot; but they are _in_, and that is
+everything. Yes, Augustus," continued Bob solemnly, "there is nothing
+else for it. You must start as a pure Whig, upon the Revolution
+principles of sixteen hundred and eighty-eight."
+
+"It would be a great relief to my mind, Bob, if you would tell me what
+those principles really are?"
+
+"I have not the remotest idea; but we have plenty time to look them up."
+
+"Then, I suppose I must swallow the Dutchman and the Massacre of
+Glencoe?"
+
+"Yes, and the Darien business into the bargain. These are the
+principles of your party, and of course you are bound to subscribe."
+
+"Well! you know best; but I'd rather do anything else."
+
+"Pooh! never fear; you and Whiggery will agree remarkably well. That
+matter, then, we may consider as settled. The next point to be thought
+of is the constituency."
+
+"Ay, to be sure! what place am I to start for? I have got no interest,
+and if I had any, there are no nomination burghs in Scotland."
+
+"Aren't there? That's all you know, my fine fellow! Hark ye, Dunshunner,
+more than half of the Scottish burghs are at this moment held by
+nominees!"
+
+"You amaze me, Bob! The thing is impossible! The Reform Bill, that great
+charter of our liberties----"
+
+"Bravo! There spoke the Whig! The Reform Bill, you think, put an end to
+nomination? It did nothing of the kind; it merely transferred it. Did
+you ever hear of such things as CLIQUES?"
+
+"I have. But they are tremendously unpopular."
+
+"Nevertheless, they hold the returning power. There is a Clique in
+almost every town throughout Scotland, which leads the electors as
+quietly, but as surely, as the blind man is conducted by his dog. These
+are modelled on the true Venetian principles of secresy and terrorism.
+They control the whole constituency, put in the member, and in return
+monopolise the whole patronage of the place. If you have the Clique with
+you, you are almost sure of your election; if not, except in the larger
+towns, you have not a shadow of success. Now, what I want to impress
+upon you is this, that wherever you go, be sure that you communicate
+with the Clique."
+
+"But how am I to find it out?"
+
+"That is not always an easy matter, for nobody will acknowledge that he
+belongs to it. However, the thing is not impossible, and we shall
+certainly make the experiment. Come, then, I suppose you agree with me,
+that it is hopeless to attempt the larger towns?"
+
+"Clearly: so far as I see, they are all provided already with
+candidates."
+
+"And you may add, Cliques, Dunshunner. Well, then, let us search among
+the smaller places. What would you think of a dash at the Stirling
+District of Burghs?"
+
+"Why, there are at least half-a-dozen candidates in the field."
+
+"True, that would naturally lessen your chance. Depend upon it, some one
+of them has already found the key to the Clique. But there's the
+Dreepdaily District with nobody standing for it, except the Honourable
+Paul Pozzlethwaite; and I question whether he knows himself the nature
+or the texture of his politics. Really, Dunshunner, that's the very
+place for you; and if we look sharp after it, I bet the long odds that
+you will carry it in a canter."
+
+"Do you really think so?"
+
+"I do indeed; and the sooner you start the better. Let me see. I know
+Provost Binkie of Dreepdaily. He is a Railway bird, was an original
+Glenmutchkin shareholder, and fortunately sold out at a premium. He is a
+capital man to begin with, and I think will be favourable to you:
+besides, Dreepdaily is an old Whig burgh. I am not so sure of
+Kittleweem. It is a shade more respectable than Dreepdaily, and has
+always been rather Conservative. The third burgh, Drouthielaw, is a nest
+of Radicalism; but I think it may be won over, if we open the
+public-houses."
+
+"But, about expenses, Bob--won't it be a serious matter?"
+
+"Why, you must lay your account with spending some five or six hundred
+pounds upon the nail; and I advise you to sell stock to that amount at
+least. The remainder, should it cost you more, can stand over."
+
+"Bob, five or six hundred pounds is a very serious sum!"
+
+"Granted--but then look at the honour and the immunity you will enjoy.
+Recollect that yours is an awkward predicament. If you don't get into
+Parliament, I see nothing for it but a stoppage."
+
+"That's true enough. Well--hang it, then, I will start!"
+
+"There's a brave fellow! I should not in the least wonder to see you in
+the Cabinet yet. The sooner you set about preparing your address the
+better."
+
+"What! without seeing Provost Binkie?"
+
+"To be sure. What is the use of wading when you can plunge at once into
+deep water? Besides, let me tell you that you are a great deal more
+likely to get credit when it is understood that you are an actual
+candidate."
+
+"There is something in that too. But I say, Bob--you really must help me
+with the address. I am a bad hand at these things, and shall never be
+able to tickle up the electors without your assistance."
+
+"I'll do all I can. Just ring for a little brandy and water, and we'll
+set to work. I make no doubt that, between us, we can polish off a
+plausible placard."
+
+Two hours afterwards, I forwarded, through the post-office, a missive,
+addressed to the editor of the _Dreepdaily Patriot_, with the following
+document enclosed. I am rather proud of it, as a manifesto of my
+political principles:--
+
+     "TO THE ELECTORS OF THE UNITED DISTRICT OF BURGHS OF DREEPDAILY,
+     DROUTHIELAW, AND KITTLEWEEM.
+
+     "GENTLEMEN,--I am induced, by a requisition, to which are appended
+     the signatures of a large majority of your influential and
+     patriotic body, to offer myself as a candidate for the high honour
+     of your representation in the ensuing session of Parliament. Had I
+     consulted my own inclination, I should have preferred the leisure
+     of retirement and the pursuit of those studies so congenial to my
+     taste, to the more stormy and agitating arena of politics. But a
+     deep sense of public duty compels me to respond to your call.
+
+     "My views upon most subjects are so well known to many of you, that
+     a lengthened explanation of them would probably be superfluous.
+     Still, however, it may be right and proper for me to explain
+     generally what they are.
+
+     "My principles are based upon the great and glorious Revolution
+     settlement of 1688, which, by abolishing, or at least superseding,
+     hereditary right, intrusted the guardianship of the Crown to an
+     enlightened oligarchy, for the protection of an unparticipating
+     people. That oligarchy is now most ably represented by her
+     Majesty's present Ministers, to whom, unhesitatingly and
+     uncompromisingly, except upon a very few matters, I give in my
+     adhesion so long as they shall continue in office.
+
+     "Opposed to faction and an enemy to misrule, I am yet friendly to
+     many changes of a sweeping and organic character. Without relaxing
+     the ties which at present bind together Church and State in
+     harmonious coalition and union, I would gradually confiscate the
+     revenues of the one for the increasing necessities of the other. I
+     never would become a party to an attack upon the House of Peers, so
+     long as it remains subservient to the will of the Commons; nor
+     would I alter or extend the franchise, except from cause shown, and
+     the declared and universal wish of the non-electors.
+
+     "I highly approve of the policy which has been pursued towards
+     Ireland, and of further concessions to a deep-rooted system of
+     agitation. I approve of increased endowments to that much-neglected
+     country; and I applaud that generosity which relieves it from all
+     participation in the common burdens of the State. Such a line of
+     policy cannot fail to elevate the moral tone, and to develop the
+     internal resources of Ireland; and I never wish to see the day when
+     the Scotsman and the Irishman may, in so far as taxation is
+     concerned, be placed upon an equal footing. It appears to me a
+     highly equitable adjustment that the savings of the first should be
+     appropriated for the wants of the second.
+
+     "I am in favour of the centralising system, which, by drafting
+     away the wealth and talent of the provinces, must augment the
+     importance of London. I am strongly opposed to the maintenance of
+     any local or Scottish institutions, which can merely serve to
+     foster a spirit of decayed nationality; and I am of opinion that
+     all boards and offices should be transferred to England, with the
+     exception of those connected with the Dreepdaily district, which it
+     is the bounden duty of the legislature to protect and preserve.
+
+     "I am a friend to the spread of education, but hostile to any
+     system by means of which religion, especially Protestantism, may be
+     taught.
+
+     "I am a supporter of free trade in all its branches. I cannot see
+     any reason for the protection of native industry, and am ready to
+     support any fundamental measure by means of which articles of
+     foreign manufacture may be brought to compete in the home market
+     with our own, without restriction and without reciprocity. It has
+     always appeared to me that our imports are of far greater
+     importance than our exports. I think that any lowering of price
+     which may be the result of such a commercial policy, will be more
+     than adequately compensated by a coercive measure which shall
+     compel the artisan to augment the period of his labour. I am
+     against any short hours' bill, and am of opinion that infant labour
+     should be stringently and universally enforced.
+
+     "With regard to the currency, I feel that I may safely leave that
+     matter in the hands of her Majesty's present Ministers, who have
+     never shown any indisposition to oppose themselves to the popular
+     wish.
+
+     "These, gentlemen, are my sentiments; and I think that, upon
+     consideration, you will find them such as may entitle me to your
+     cordial support. I need not say how highly I shall value the trust,
+     or how zealously I shall endeavour to promote your local interests.
+     These, probably, can be best advanced by a cautious regard to my
+     own.
+
+     "On any other topics I shall be happy to give you the fullest and
+     most satisfactory explanation. I shall merely add, as a summary of
+     my opinions, that while ready on the one hand to coerce labour, so
+     as to stimulate internal industry to the utmost, and to add largely
+     to the amount of our population; I am, upon the other, a friend to
+     the liberty of the subject, and to the promotion of such genial and
+     sanatory measures as suit the tendency of our enlightened age, the
+     diffusion of universal philanthropy, and the spread of popular
+     opinion. I remain, GENTLEMEN, with the deepest respect, your very
+     obedient and humble servant,
+
+               "AUGUSTUS REGINALD DUNSHUNNER.
+
+     "ST MIRREN'S HOUSE,
+        "_June 1847._"
+
+The editor of the _Dreepdaily Patriot_, wisely considering that this
+advertisement was the mere prelude to many more, was kind enough to
+dedicate a leading article to an exposition of my past services. I am
+not a vain man; so that I shall not here reprint the panegyric passed
+upon myself, or the ovation which my friend foresaw. Indeed, I am so far
+from vain, that I really began to think, while perusing the columns of
+the _Patriot_, that I had somewhat foolishly shut my eyes hitherto to
+the greatness of that talent, and the brilliancy of those parts which
+were now proclaimed to the world. Yes! it was quite clear that I had
+hitherto been concealing my candle under a bushel--that I was cut out by
+nature for a legislator--and that I was the very man for the Dreepdaily
+electors. Under this conviction, I started upon my canvass, munimented
+with letters of introduction from M'Corkindale, who, much against his
+inclination, was compelled to remain at home.
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+Dreepdaily is a beautiful little town, embosomed in an amphitheatre of
+hills which have such a winning way with the clouds that the summits are
+seldom visible. Dreepdaily, if situated in Arabia, would be deemed a
+paradise. All round it the vegetation is long, and lithe, and
+luxuriant; the trees keep their verdure late; and the rush of the
+nettles is amazing.
+
+How the inhabitants contrive to live, is to me a matter of mystery.
+There is no particular trade or calling exercised in the place--no busy
+hum of artisans, or clanking of hammer or machinery. Round the suburbs,
+indeed, there are rows of mean-looking cottages, each with its strapping
+lass in the national short-gown at the door, from the interior of which
+resounds the boom of the weaver's shuttle. There is also one factory at
+a little distance; but when you reach the town itself, all is
+supereminently silent. In fine weather, crowds of urchins of both sexes
+are seen sunning themselves on the quaint-looking flights of steps by
+which the doors, usually on the second story, are approached; and as you
+survey the swarms of bare-legged and flaxen-haired infantry, you cannot
+help wondering in your heart what has become of the adult population. It
+is only towards evening that the seniors appear. Then you may find them
+either congregated on the bridge discussing politics and polemics, or
+lounging in the little square in affectionate vicinity to the
+public-house, or leaning over the windows in their shirt-sleeves, in the
+tranquil enjoyment of a pipe. In short, the cares and the bustle of the
+world, even in this railroad age, seem to have fallen lightly on the
+pacific burghers of Dreepdaily. According to their own account, the
+town was once a peculiar favourite of royalty. It boasts of a charter
+from King David the First, and there is an old ruin in the neighbourhood
+which is said to have been a palace of that redoubted monarch. It may be
+so, for there is no accounting for constitutions; but had I been King
+David, I certainly should have preferred a place where the younger
+branches of the family would have been less liable to the accident of
+catarrh.
+
+Dreepdaily, in the olden time, was among the closest of all the burghs.
+Its representation had a fixed price, which was always rigorously
+exacted and punctually paid; and for half a year thereafter, the
+corporation made merry thereon. The Reform Bill, therefore, was by no
+means popular in the council. A number of discontented Radicals and of
+small householders, who hitherto had been excluded from participation in
+the good things of the State, now got upon the roll, and seemed
+determined for a time to carry matters with a high hand, and to return a
+member of their own. And doubtless they would have succeeded, had not
+the same spirit been abroad in the sister burghs of Drouthielaw and
+Kittleweem; which, for some especial reason or other, known doubtless to
+Lord John Russell, but utterly unintelligible to the rest of mankind,
+were, though situated in different counties, associated with Dreepdaily
+in the return of their future member. Each of these places had a
+separate interest, and started a separate man; so that, amidst this
+conflict of Liberalism, the old member for Dreepdaily, a Conservative,
+again slipped into his place. The consequence was, that the three burghs
+were involved in a desperate feud.
+
+In those days there lived in Dreepdaily one Laurence Linklater, more
+commonly known by the name of Tod Lowrie, who exercised the respectable
+functions of a writer and a messenger-at-arms. Lowrie was a remarkably
+acute individual, of the Gilbert Glossin school, by no means scrupulous
+in his dealings, but of singular plausibility and courage. He had
+started in life as a Radical, but finding that that line did not pay
+well, he had prudently subsided into a Whig, and in that capacity had
+acquired a sort of local notoriety. He had contrived, moreover, to gain
+a tolerable footing in Drouthielaw, and in the course of time became
+intimately acquainted with the circumstances of its inhabitants, and
+under the pretext of agency had contrived to worm the greater part of
+their title-deeds into his keeping.
+
+It then occurred to Lowrie, that, notwithstanding the discordant
+situation of the burghs, something might be done to effect a union under
+his own especial chieftainship. Not that he cared in his heart one
+farthing about the representation--Tyrian and Trojan were in reality the
+same to him--but he saw that the gain of these burghs would be of
+immense advantage to his party, and he determined that the advantage
+should be balanced by a corresponding profit to himself. Accordingly, he
+began quietly to look to the state of the neglected register; lodged
+objections to all claims given in by parties upon whom he could not
+depend; smuggled a sufficient number of his own clients and adherents
+upon the roll, and in the course of three years was able to intimate to
+an eminent Whig partisan, that he, Laurence Linklater, held in his own
+hands the representation of the Dreepdaily Burghs, could turn the
+election either way he pleased, and was open to reasonable terms.
+
+The result was, that Mr Linklater was promoted to a very lucrative
+county office, and moreover, that the whole patronage of the district
+was thereafter observed to flow through the Laurentian channel. Of
+course all those who could claim kith or kindred with Lowrie were
+provided for in the first instance; but there were stray crumbs still
+going, and in no one case could even a gaugership be obtained without
+the adhesion of an additional vote. Either the applicant must be ready
+to sell his independence, or, if that were done already, to pervert the
+politics of a relative. A Whig member was returned at the next election
+by an immense majority; and for some time Linklater reigned supreme in
+the government of Dreepdaily and Drouthielaw.
+
+But death, which spares no governors, knocked at the door of Linklater.
+A surfeit of mutton-pies, after the triumphant termination of a
+law-suit, threw the burghs into a state of anarchy. Lowrie was gathered
+unto his fathers, and there was no one to reign in his stead.
+
+At least there was no apparent ruler. Every one observed, that the
+stream of patronage and of local jobbing still flowed on as copiously as
+before, but nobody could discover by what hands it was now directed.
+Suspicion fastened its eyes for some time upon Provost Binkie; but the
+vehement denials of that gentleman, though not in themselves conclusive,
+at last gained credence from the fact, that a situation which he had
+solicited from Government for his nephew was given to another person.
+Awful rumours began to circulate of the existence of a secret junta.
+Each man regarded his neighbour with intense suspicion and distrust,
+because, for anything he knew, that neighbour might be a member of the
+terrible tribunal, by means of which all the affairs of the community
+were regulated, and a single ill-timed word might absolutely prove his
+ruin. Such, indeed, in one instance was the case. In an evil hour for
+himself, an independent town-councillor thought fit to denounce the
+Clique as an unconstitutional and tyrannical body, and to table a motion
+for an inquiry as to its nature, members, and proceedings. So strong was
+the general alarm that he could not even find a seconder. But the matter
+did not stop there. The rash meddler had drawn upon himself the
+vengeance of a remorseless foe. His business began to fall off; rumours
+of the most malignant description were circulated regarding his
+character; two of his relatives who held situations were dismissed
+without warning and without apology; his credit was assailed in every
+quarter; and in less than six months after he had made that most
+unfortunate harangue, the name of Thomas Gritt, baker in Dreepdaily, was
+seen to figure in the Gazette. So fell Gritt a martyr, and if any one
+mourned for him, it was in secret, and the profoundest awe.
+
+Such was the political state of matters, at the time when I rode down
+the principal street of Dreepdaily. I need hardly say that I did not
+know a single soul in the burgh; in that respect, indeed, there was
+entire reciprocity on both sides, for the requisition referred to in my
+address was a felicitous fiction by M'Corkindale. I stopped before a
+substantial bluff-looking house, the lower part of which was occupied as
+a shop, and a scroll above informed me that the proprietor was Walter
+Binkie, grocer.
+
+A short squat man, with an oleaginous face and remarkably bushy
+eyebrows, was in the act of weighing out a pennyworth of "sweeties" to a
+little girl as I entered.
+
+"Is the Provost of Dreepdaily within?" asked I.
+
+"I'se warrant he's that," was the reply; "Hae, my dear, there's a sugar
+almond t'ye into the bargain. Gae your waus hame noo, and tell your
+mither that I've some grand new tea. Weel, sir, what was you wanting?"
+
+"I wish particularly to speak to the Provost."
+
+"Weel then, speak awa'," and he straightway squatted himself before his
+ledger.
+
+"I beg your pardon, sir! Have I really the honour of addressing--"
+
+"Walter Binkie, the Provost of this burgh. But if ye come on Council
+matters, ye're lang ahint the hour. I'm just steppin' up to denner, and
+I never do business after that."
+
+"But perhaps you will allow me--"
+
+"I will allow nae man, sir, to interrupt my leisure. If ye're wanting
+onything, gang to the Town-Clerk."
+
+"Permit me one moment--my name is Dunshunner."
+
+"Eh, what!" cried the Provost, bounding from his stool, "speak lower or
+the lad will hear ye. Are ye the gentleman that's stannin' for the
+burrows?"
+
+"The same."
+
+"Lord-sake! what for did ye no say that afore? Jims! I say, Jims! Look
+after the shop! Come this way, sir, up the stair, and take care ye dinna
+stumble on that toom cask o' saut."
+
+I followed the Provost up a kind of corkscrew stair, until we emerged
+upon a landing-place in his own proper domicile. We entered the
+dining-room. It was showily furnished; with an enormous urn of paper
+roses in the grate, two stuffed parroquets upon the mantelpiece, a
+flamingo-coloured carpet, enormous worsted bell-pulls, and a couple of
+portraits by some peripatetic follower of Vandyke, one of them
+representing the Provost in his civic costume, and the other bearing
+some likeness to a fat female in a turban, with a cairngorm brooch about
+the size of a platter on her breast, and no want of carmine on the space
+dedicated to the cheeks.
+
+The Provost locked the door, and then clapped his ear to the key-hole.
+He next approached the window, drew down the blinds so as effectually to
+prevent any opposite scrutiny, and motioned me to a seat.
+
+"And so ye're Mr Dunshunner?" said he. "Oh man, but I've been wearyin'
+to see you!"
+
+"Indeed! you flatter me very much."
+
+"Nae flattery, Mr Dunshunner--nane! I'm a plain honest man, that's a',
+and naebody can say that Wattie Binkie has blawn in their lug. And sae
+ye're comin' forrard for the burrows? It's a bauld thing, sir--a bauld
+thing, and a great honour ye seek. No that I think ye winna do honour to
+it, but it's a great trust for sae young a man; a heavy responsibility,
+as a body may say, to hang upon a callant's shouthers."
+
+"I hope, Mr Binkie, that my future conduct may show that I can at least
+act up to my professions."
+
+"Nae doubt, sir--I'm no misdoubtin' ye, and to say the truth ye profess
+weel. I've read yer address, sir, and I like yer principles--they're the
+stench auld Whig anes--keep a' we can to ourselves, and haud a gude
+grup. But wha's bringing ye forrard? Wha signed yer requisition? No the
+Kittleweem folk, I hope?--that wad be a sair thing against ye."
+
+"Why, no--certainly not. The fact is, Mr Binkie, that I have not seen
+the requisition. Its contents were communicated by a third party, on
+whom I have the most perfect reliance; and as I understood there was
+some delicacy in the matter, I did not think it proper to insist upon a
+sight of the signatures."
+
+The Provost gave a long whistle.
+
+"I see it noo!" he said; "I see it! I ken't there was something gaun on
+forbye the common. Ye're a lucky man, Mr Dunshunner, and ye're election
+is as sure as won. Ye've been spoken to by them ye ken o'!"
+
+"Upon my word, I do not understand--"
+
+"Ay--ay! Ye're richt to be cautious. Weel I wat they are kittle cattle
+to ride the water on. But wha was't, sir,--wha was't? Ye needna be
+feared of me. I ken how to keep a secret."
+
+"Really, Mr Binkie, except through a third party, as I have told you
+already, I have had no communication with any one."
+
+"Weel--they _are_ close--there's nae denyin' that. But ye surely maun
+hae some inkling o' the men--Them that's ahint the screen, ye ken?"
+
+"Indeed, I have not. But stay--if you allude to the Clique----"
+
+"Wheest, sir, wheest!" cried the Provost, in an agitated tone of voice.
+"Gudesake, tak care what ye say--ye dinna ken wha may hear ye. Ye hae
+spoken a word that I havena heard this mony a day without shaking in my
+shoon. Aye speak ceevily o' the deil--ye dinna ken how weel ye may be
+acquaunt!"
+
+"Surely, sir, there can be no harm in mentioning the----"
+
+"No under that name, Mr Dunshunner--no under that name, and no here. I
+wadna ca' them that on the tap of Ben-Nevis without a grue. Ay--and sae
+THEY are wi' ye, are they? Weel, they are a queer set!"
+
+"You know the parties, then, Mr Binkie?"
+
+"I ken nae mair aboot them than I ken whaur to find the caverns o' the
+east wind. Whether they are three, or thretty, or a hunder, surpasses my
+knowledge; but they hae got the secret o' the fern seed, and walk about
+invisible. It is a'thegether a great mystery, but doubtless ye will
+obtain a glimpse. In the mean time, since ye come from that quarter, I
+am bound to obey."
+
+"You are very kind, I am sure, Mr Binkie. May I ask, then, your opinion
+of matters as they stand at present?"
+
+"Our present member, Mr Whistlerigg, will no stand again. He's got some
+place or ither up in London; and, my certie, he's worked weel for it!
+There's naebody else stannin' forbye that man Pozzlethwaite, and he
+disna verra weel ken what he is himsel'. If it's a' richt yonder,"
+continued the Provost, jerking his thumb over his left shoulder, "ye're
+as gude as elected."
+
+As it would have been extremely impolitic for me under present
+circumstances to have disclaimed all connection with a body which
+exercised an influence so marked and decided, I allowed Provost Binkie
+to remain under the illusion that I was the chosen candidate of the
+Clique. In fact, I had made up my mind that I should become so at any
+cost, so soon as it vouchsafed to disclose itself and appear before my
+longing eyes. I therefore launched at once into practical details, in
+the discussion of which the Provost exhibited both shrewdness and
+goodwill. He professed his readiness at once to become chairman of my
+committee, drew out a list of the most influential persons in the burgh
+to whom I ought immediately to apply, and gave me much information
+regarding the politics of the other places. From what he said, I
+gathered that, with the aid of the Clique, I was sure of Dreepdaily and
+Drouthielaw--as to the electors of Kittleweem, they were, in his
+opinion, "a wheen dirt," whom it would be useless to consult, and
+hopeless to conciliate. I certainly had no previous idea that the bulk
+of the electors had so little to say in the choice of their own
+representative. When I ventured to hint at the remote possibility of a
+revolt, the Provost indignantly exclaimed--
+
+"They daurna, sir--they daurna for the lives of them do it! Set them up
+indeed! Let me see ony man that wad venture to vote against the Town
+Council and the--and _them_, and I'll make a clean sweep of him out of
+Dreepdaily!"
+
+Nothing, in short, could have been more satisfactory than this
+statement.
+
+Whilst we were conversing together, I heard of a sudden a jingling in
+the next apartment, as if some very aged and decrepid harpsichord were
+being exorcised into the unusual effort of a tune. I glanced inquiringly
+to the door, but the Provost took no notice of my look. In a little
+time, however, there was a short preliminary cough, and a female voice
+of considerable compass took up the following strain. I remember the
+words not more from their singularity, than from the introduction to
+which they were the prelude:--
+
+     "I heard a wee bird singing clear,
+       In the tight, tight month o' June--
+     'What garr'd ye buy when stocks were high,
+       And sell when shares were doun?
+
+     'Gin ye hae play'd me fause, my luve,
+       In simmer 'mang the rain;
+     When siller's scant and scarce at Yule,
+       I'll pay ye back again!
+
+     'O bonny were the Midland Halves,
+       When credit was sae free!--
+     But wae betide the Southron loon
+       That sold they Halves to me!'"
+
+I declare, upon the word of a Railway Director, that I was never more
+taken aback in my life. Attached as I have been from youth to the
+Scottish ballad poetry, I never yet had heard a ditty of this peculiar
+stamp, which struck me as a happy combination of tender fancy with the
+sterner realities of the Exchange. Provost Binkie smiled as he remarked
+my amazement.
+
+"It's only my daughter Maggie, Mr Dunshunner," he said. "Puir thing!
+It's little she has here to amuse her, and sae she whiles writes thae
+kind o' sangs hersel'. She's weel up to the railroads; for ye ken I was
+an auld Glenmutchkin holder."
+
+"Indeed! Was that song Miss Binkie's own composition?" asked I, with
+considerable interest.
+
+"Atweel it is that, and mair too. Maggie, haud your skirling!--ye're
+interrupting me and the gentleman."
+
+"I beg, on no account, Mr Binkie, that I may be allowed to interfere
+with your daughter's amusement. Indeed, it is full time that I were
+betaking myself to the hotel, unless you will honour me so far as to
+introduce me to Miss Binkie."
+
+"Deil a bit o' you gangs to the hotel to-night!" replied the hospitable
+Provost. "You bide where you are to denner and bed, and we'll hae a
+comfortable crack over matters in the evening. Maggie! come ben, lass,
+and speak to Mr Dunshunner."
+
+Miss Binkie, who I am strongly of opinion was all the while conscious of
+the presence of a stranger, now entered from the adjoining room. She was
+really a pretty girl--tall, with lively sparkling eyes, and a profusion
+of dark hair, which she wore in the somewhat exploded shape of ringlets.
+I was not prepared for such an apparition, and I daresay stammered as I
+paid my compliments.
+
+Margaret Binkie, however, had no sort of _mauvaise honte_ about her. She
+had received her final polish in a Glasgow boarding-school, and did
+decided credit to the seminary in which the operation had been
+performed. At all events, she was the reverse of shy; for in less than a
+quarter of an hour we were rattling away as though we had been
+acquainted from childhood; and, to say the truth, I found myself getting
+into something like a strong flirtation. Old Binkie grinned a delighted
+smile, and went out to superintend the decanting of a bottle of port.
+
+I need not, I think, expatiate upon the dinner which followed. The
+hotch-potch was unexceptionable, the salmon curdy, and the lamb roasted
+without a fault; and if the red-armed Hebe who attended was somewhat
+awkward in her motions, she was at least zealous to a degree. The
+Provost got into high feather, and kept plying me perpetually with wine.
+When the cloth was removed, he drank with all formality to my success;
+and as Margaret Binkie, with a laugh, did due honour to the toast, I
+could not do less than indulge in a little flight of fancy as I proposed
+the ladies, and, in connection with them, the Flower of Dreepdaily--a
+sentiment which was acknowledged with a blush.
+
+After Miss Binkie retired, the Provost grew more and more convivial. He
+would not enter into business, but regaled me with numerous anecdotes of
+his past exploits, and of the lives and conversation of his compatriots
+in the Town Council--some of whom appeared, from his description, to be
+very facetious individuals indeed. More particularly, he dwelt upon the
+good qualities and importance of a certain Mr Thomas Gills, better known
+to his friends and kinsfolk by the sobriquet of Toddy Tam, and
+recommended me by all means to cultivate the acquaintance of that
+personage. But, however otherwise loquacious, nothing would persuade the
+Provost to launch out upon the subject of the Clique. He really seemed
+to entertain as profound a terror of that body as ever Huguenot did of
+the Inquisition, and he cut me short at last by ejaculating--
+
+"Sae nae mair on't, Mr Dunshunner--sae nae mair on't! It's ill talking
+on thae things. Ye dinna ken what the Clique is, nor whaur it is. But
+this I ken, that they are everywhere, and a' aboot us; they hear
+everything that passes in this house, and I whiles suspect that Mysie,
+the servant lass, is naething else than are o' them in petticoats!"
+
+More than this I could not elicit. After we had finished a considerable
+quantum of port, we adjourned to the drawing-room, and, tea over, Miss
+Binkie sang to me several of her own songs, whilst the Provost snored
+upon the sofa. Both the songs and the singer were clever, the situation
+was interesting, and, somehow or other, I found my fingers more than
+once in contact with Maggie's, as I turned over the leaves of the music.
+
+At last the Provost rose, with a stertoracious grunt. I thought this
+might be the signal for retiring to rest; but such were not the habits
+of Dreepdaily. Salt herrings and finnan-haddocks were produced along
+with the hot water and accompaniments; and I presume it was rather late
+before my host conducted me to my chamber. If I dreamed at all that
+night, it must have been of Margaret Binkie.
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+The next morning, whilst dressing, I heard a blithe voice carolling on
+the stair. It was the orison of Margaret Binkie as she descended to the
+breakfast-room. I listened and caught the following verses:--
+
+     "O haud away frae me," she said,
+       "I pray you let me be!
+     Hae you the shares ye held, my lord,
+       What time ye courted me?
+
+     "'Tis woman's weird to luve and pine,
+       And man's is to forget:
+     Hold you the shares, Lord James," she said,
+       "Or hae ye sold them yet?"
+
+     "My York Extensions, bought at par,
+       I sold at seven pund prem.--
+     And, O my heart is sair to think
+       I had nae mair of them!"
+
+"That is really a remarkable girl!" thought I, as I stropped my razor.
+"Such genius, such animation, and such a thorough knowledge of the
+market! She would make a splendid wife for a railway director."
+
+"Come away, Mr Dunshunner," said the Provost, as I entered the parlour.
+"I hope ye are yaup, for ye have a lang day's wark before ye."
+
+"I am sure it would be an agreeable one, sir, if accompanied with such
+sweet music as I heard this morning. Pardon me, Miss Binkie, but you
+really are a perfect Sappho."
+
+"You are too good, I am sure, Mr Dunshunner. Will you take tea or
+coffee?"
+
+"Maggie," said the Provost, "I maun put a stop to that skirling--it's
+well eneuch for the night, but the morning is the time for business. Mr
+Dunshunner, I've been thinking over this job of ours, and here is a bit
+listie of the maist influential persons in Dreepdaily, that you maun
+positeevely see this day. They wad be affronted if they kenned ye were
+here without calling on them. Noo, mark me,--I dinna just say that ony
+o' them is the folk ye ken o', but it's no ava unlikely; sae ye maun
+even use yer ain discretion. Tak an auld man's word for it, and aye put
+your best fit foremost."
+
+I acquiesced in the justice of the suggestion, although I was really
+unconscious which foot deserved the precedence. The Provost continued--
+
+"Just ae word mair. Promising is a cheap thing, and ye needna be very
+sparing of it. If onybody speaks to ye about a gaugership, or a place in
+the Customs or the Post-office, just gie ye a bit wink, tak out your
+note-book, and make a mark wi' the keelavine pen. It aye looks weel, and
+gangs as far as a downright promise. Deny or refuse naebody. Let them
+think that ye can do everything wi' the Ministry; and if there should
+happen to be a whaup in the rape, let them even find it out theirsells.
+Tell them that ye stand up for Dreepdaily, and its auld charter, and the
+Whig constitution, and liberal principles. Maist feck o' them disna ken
+what liberal principles is, but they like the word. I whiles think that
+liberal principles means saying muckle and doing naething, but you
+needna tell them that. The Whigs are lang-headed chiells, and they hae
+had the sense to claim a' the liberality for themsells, ever since the
+days o' the Reform Bill."
+
+Such and suchlike were the valuable maxims which Provost Binkie
+instilled into my mind during the progress of breakfast. I must say they
+made a strong impression upon me; and any candidate who may hereafter
+come forward for the representation of a Scottish burgh, on principles
+similar to my own, would do well to peruse and remember them.
+
+At length I rose to go.
+
+"Do I carry your good wishes along with me, Miss Binkie, on my canvass?"
+
+"Most cordially, Mr Dunshunner; I shall be perfectly miserable until I
+learn your success. I can assure you of my support, and earnestly wish I
+was an elector."
+
+"Enviable would be the Member of Parliament who could represent so
+charming a constituency!"
+
+"Oh, Mr Dunshunner!"
+
+Directed by the Provost's list, I set forth in search of my
+constituency. The first elector whose shop I entered was a draper of the
+name M'Auslan. I found him in the midst of his tartans.
+
+"Mr M'Auslan, I presume?"
+
+"Ay," was the curt response.
+
+"Allow me to introduce myself, sir. My name is Dunshunner."
+
+"Oh."
+
+"You are probably aware, sir, that I am a candidate for the
+representation of these burghs?"
+
+"Ay."
+
+"I hope and trust, Mr M'Auslan, that my principles are such as meet with
+your approbation?"
+
+"Maybe."
+
+"I am a friend, sir, to civil and religious liberty,--to Dreepdaily and
+its charter,--to the old Whig constitution of 1688,--and to the true
+interests of the people."
+
+"Weel?"
+
+"Confound the fellow!" thought I, "was there ever such an insensate
+block? I must bring him to the point at once. Mr M'Auslan," I continued
+in a very insinuating tone, "such being my sentiments, may I venture to
+calculate on your support?"
+
+"There's twa words to that bargain," replied M'Auslan, departing from
+monosyllables.
+
+"Any further explanation that may be required, I am sure will readily--"
+
+"It's nae use."
+
+"How?" said I, a good deal alarmed. "Is it possible you are already
+pledged?"
+
+"No."
+
+"Then what objection----"
+
+"I made nane. I see ye dinna ken us here. The pear's no ripe yet."
+
+"What pear?" asked I, astonished at this horticultural allusion.
+
+"Hark ye," said M'Auslan, looking stealthily around him, and for the
+first time exhibiting some marks of intelligence in his features--"Hark
+ye,--hae ye seen Toddy Tam yet?"
+
+"Mr Gills? Not yet. I am just going to wait upon him; but Provost Binkie
+has promised me his support."
+
+"Wha cares for Provost Binkie! Gang to Toddy Tam."
+
+Not one other word could I extract from the oracular M'Auslan; so, like
+a pilgrim, I turned my face towards Mecca, and sallied forth in quest of
+this all-important personage. On my way, however, I entered the house of
+another voter, one Shanks, a member of the Town-Council, from whom I
+received equally unsatisfactory replies. He, like M'Auslan, pointed
+steadily towards Toddy Tam. Now, who and what was the individual who, by
+the common consent of his townsmen, had earned so honourable an epithet?
+
+Mr Thomas Gills had at one time been a clerk in the office of the
+departed Linklater. His function was not strictly legal, nor confined
+to the copying of processes: it had a broader and wider scope, and
+was exercised in a more congenial manner. In short, Mr Gills was a
+kind of provider for the establishment. His duties were to hunt out
+business; which he achieved to a miracle by frequenting every possible
+public-house, and wringing from them, amidst their cups, the stories
+of the wrongs of his compotators. Wo to the wight who sate down for an
+afternoon's conviviality with Toddy Tam! Before the mixing of the fourth
+tumbler, the ingenious Gills was sure to elicit some hardship or
+grievance, for which benignant Themis could give redress; and rare,
+indeed, was the occurrence of the evening on which he did not capture
+some additional clients. He would even go the length of treating his
+victim, when inordinately shy, until the fatal mandate was given, and
+retraction utterly impossible.
+
+Such decided business talents, of course, were not overlooked by the
+sagacious Laurence Linklater. Gills enjoyed a large salary, the greater
+moiety of which he consumed in alcoholic experiments; and shortly before
+the decease of his patron, he was promoted to the lucrative and easy
+office of some county registrarship. He now began to cultivate
+conviviality for its own especial sake. It was no longer dangerous to
+drink with him; for though, from habit, he continued to poke into
+grievances, he never, on the following morning, pursued the subject
+further. But what was most remarkable about Toddy Tam was, his
+independence. He never truckled to dictation from any quarter; but,
+whilst Binkie and the rest were in fear and terror of the Clique, he
+openly defied that body, and dared them to do their worst. He was the
+only man in Dreepdaily who ventured to say that Tom Gritt was right in
+the motion he had made; and he further added, that if he, Thomas Gills,
+had been in the Town-Council, the worthy and patriotic baker should not
+have wanted a seconder. This was considered a very daring speech, and
+one likely to draw down the vengeance of the unrelenting junta: but the
+thunder slept in the cloud, and Mr Gills enjoyed himself as before.
+
+I found him in his back parlour, in company with a very rosy individual.
+Although it was not yet noon, a case-bottle and glasses were on the
+table, and the whole apartment stunk abominably with the fumes of
+whisky.
+
+"Sit in, Mr Dunshunner, sit in!" said Toddy Tam, in a tone of great
+cordiality, after I had effected my introduction. "Ye'll no hae had your
+morning yet? Lass, bring in a clean glass for the gentleman."
+
+"I hope you will excuse me, Mr Gills. I really never do--"
+
+"Hoots--nonsense! Ye maun be neighbour-like, ye ken--we a' expect it at
+Dreepdaily." And so saying, Toddy Tam poured me out a full glass of
+spirits. I had as lieve have swallowed ink, but I was forced to
+constrain myself and bolt it.
+
+"Ay, and so ye are coming round to us as a candidate, are ye? What d'ye
+think o' that, Mr Thamson--hae ye read Mr Dunshunner's address?"
+
+The rubicund individual chuckled, leered, and rose to go, but Toddy Tam
+laid a heavy hand upon his shoulder.
+
+"Sit ye down man," he said; "I've naething to say to Mr Dunshunner that
+the hail warld may not hear, nor him to me neither, I hope."
+
+"Certainly not," said I; "and I really should feel it as a great
+obligation if Mr Thomson would be kind enough to remain."
+
+"That's right, lad!" shouted Gills. "Nae hole-and-corner work for me! A'
+fair and abune board, and the deil fly away with the Clique!"
+
+Had Thomson been an ordinary man, he probably would have grown pale at
+this daring objurgation: as it was, he fidgetted in his chair, and his
+face became a shade more crimson.
+
+"Weel, now," continued Toddy Tam, "let us hear what Mr Dunshunner has
+got to say for himsel'. There's naething like hearing opinions before we
+put ony questions."
+
+Thus adjured, I went through the whole of my political confession of
+faith, laying, of course, due stress upon the great and glorious
+Revolution of 1688, and my devotion to the cause of liberality. Toddy
+Tam and his companion heard me to the end without interruption.
+
+"Gude--sae far gude, Mr Dunshunner," said Gills. "I see little to objeck
+to in your general principles; but for a' that I'm no going to pledge
+mysel' until I ken mair o' ye. I hope, sir, that ye're using nae
+underhand influence--that there has been nae communings with the Clique,
+a body that I perfeckly abominate? Dreepdaily shall never be made a
+pocket burrow, so long as Thomas Gills has any influence in it."
+
+I assured Mr Gills, what was the naked truth, that I had no knowledge
+whatever of the Clique.
+
+"Ye see, Mr Dunshunner," continued Toddy Tam, "we are a gey and
+independent sort of people here, and we want to be independently
+represented. My gude friend, Mr Thamson here, can tell you that I have
+had a sair fecht against secret influence, and I am amaist feared that
+some men like the Provost owe me a grudge for it. He's a pawkie loon,
+the Provost, and kens brawly how to play his cards."
+
+"He's a' that!" ejaculated Thomson.
+
+"But I dinna care a snuff of tobacco for the haill of the Town-Council,
+or the Clique. Give me a man of perfeck independence, and I'll support
+him. I voted for the last member sair against my conscience, for he was
+put up by the Clique, and never came near us: but I hope better things
+frae you, Mr Dunshunner, if you should happen to be returned. Mind, I
+don't say that I am going to support ye--I maun think about it: but if
+ye are a good man and a true, and no a nominee, I dare say that both my
+gude freend Thamson, and mysell, will no objeck to lend you a
+helping-hand."
+
+This was all I could extract from Toddy Tam, and, though favourable, it
+was far from being satisfactory. There was a want, from some cause or
+another, of that cordial support which I had been led to anticipate;
+and I almost felt half inclined to abandon the enterprise altogether.
+However, after having issued my address, this would have looked like
+cowardice. I therefore diligently prosecuted my canvass, and contrived,
+in the course of the day, to encounter a great portion of the
+electors. Very few pledged themselves. Some surly independents refused
+point-blank, alleging that they did not intend to vote at all: others
+declined to promise, until they should know how Toddy Tam and other
+magnates were likely to go. My only pledges were from the sworn
+retainers of the Provost.
+
+"Well, Mr Dunshunner, what success?" cried Miss Margaret Binkie, as I
+returned rather jaded from my circuit. "I hope you have found all the
+Dreepdaily people quite favourable?"
+
+"Why no, Miss Binkie, not quite so much so as I could desire. Your
+townsmen here seem uncommonly slow in making up their minds to
+anything."
+
+"Oh, that is always their way. I have heard Papa say that the same thing
+took place at last election, and that nobody declared for Mr Whistlerigg
+until the very evening before the nomination. So you see you must not
+lose heart."
+
+"If my visit to Dreepdaily should have no other result, Miss Binkie, I
+shall always esteem it one of the most fortunate passages of my life,
+since it has given me the privilege of your acquaintance."
+
+"Oh, Mr Dunshunner! How can you speak so? I am afraid you are a great
+flatterer!" replied Miss Binkie, pulling at the same time a sprig of
+geranium to pieces. "But you look tired--pray take a glass of wine."
+
+"By no means, Miss Binkie. A word from you is a sufficient cordial.
+Happy geranium!" said I, picking up the petals.
+
+Now I know very well that all this sort of thing is wrong, and that a
+man has no business to begin flirtations if he cannot see his way to
+the end of them. At the same time, I hold the individual who dislikes
+flirtations to be a fool; and sometimes they are utterly irresistible.
+
+"Now, Mr Dunshunner, I do beg you won't! Pray sit down on the sofa, for
+I am sure you are tired; and if you like to listen, I shall sing you a
+little ballad I have composed to-day."
+
+"I would rather hear you sing than an angel," said I; "but pray do not
+debar me the privilege of standing by your side."
+
+"Just as you please;" and Margaret began to rattle away on the
+harpsichord.
+
+     "O whaur hae ye been, Augustus, my son?
+     O whaur hae ye been, my winsome young man?
+     I hae been to the voters--Mither, mak my bed soon,
+     For I'm weary wi' canvassing, and fain wad lay me doun.
+
+     O whaur are your plumpers, Augustus, my son?
+     O whaur are your split votes, my winsome young man?
+     They are sold to the Clique--Mither, mak my bed soon,
+     For I'm weary wi' canvassing, and fain wad lay me doun.
+
+     O I fear ye are cheated, Augustus, my son,
+     O I fear ye are done for, my winsome young man!
+     'I hae been to my true love----'"
+
+I could stand this no longer.
+
+"Charming, cruel girl!" cried I, dropping on one knee,--"why will you
+thus sport with my feelings? Where else should I seek for my true love
+but here?"
+
+I don't know what might have been the sequel of the scene, had not my
+good genius, in the shape of Mysie the servant girl, at this moment
+burst into the apartment. Miss Binkie with great presence of mind
+dropped her handkerchief, which afforded me an excellent excuse for
+recovering my erect position.
+
+Mysie was the bearer of a billet, addressed to myself, and marked
+"private and particular." I opened it and read as follows:--
+
+     "SIR--Some of those who are well disposed towards you have arranged
+     to meet this night, and are desirous of a private interview, at
+     which full and mutual explanations may be given. It may be right to
+     mention to you that the question of _the currency_ will form the
+     basis of any political arrangement; and it is expected that you
+     will then be prepared to state explicitly your views with regard to
+     _bullion_. Something _more than pledges_ upon this subject will be
+     required.
+
+     "As this meeting will be a strictly private one, the utmost secresy
+     must be observed. Be on the bridge at eleven o'clock this night,
+     and you will be conducted to the appointed place. Do not fail, as
+     you value your own interest.--Yours, &c.
+
+               "SHELL OUT."
+
+"Who brought this letter, Mysie?" said I, considerably flustered at its
+contents.
+
+"A laddie. He said there was nae answer, and ran awa'."
+
+"No bad news, I hope, Mr Dunshunner?" said Margaret timidly.
+
+I looked at Miss Binkie. Her eye was still sparkling, and her cheek
+flushed. She evidently was annoyed at the interruption, and expected a
+renewal of the conversation. But I felt that I had gone quite far
+enough, if not a little beyond the line of prudence. It is easy to make
+a declaration, but remarkably difficult to back out of it; and I began
+to think that, upon the whole, I had been a little too precipitate. On
+the plea, therefore, of business, I emerged into the open air; and,
+during a walk of a couple of miles, held secret communing with myself.
+
+"Here you are again, Dunshunner, my fine fellow, putting your foot into
+it as usual! If it had not been for the arrival of the servant, you
+would have been an engaged man at this moment, and saddled with a
+father-in-law in the shape of a vender of molasses. Besides, it is my
+private opinion that you don't care sixpence about the girl. But it is
+the old story. This is the third time since Christmas that you have been
+on the point of committing matrimony; and if you don't look sharp after
+yourself, you will be sold an especial bargain! Now, frankly and fairly,
+do you not acknowledge yourself to be an idiot?"
+
+I did. Men are generally very candid and open in their confessions to
+themselves; and the glaring absurdity of my conduct was admitted without
+any hesitation. I resolved to mend my ways accordingly, and to eschew
+for the future all tête-à-têtes with the too fascinating Maggie Binkie.
+That point disposed of, I returned to the mysterious missive. To say the
+truth, I did not much like it. Had these been the days of Burking, I
+should have entertained some slight personal apprehension; but as there
+was no such danger, I regarded it either as a hoax, or as some
+electioneering _ruse_, the purpose of which I could not fathom. However,
+as it is never wise to throw away any chance, I determined to keep the
+appointment; and, if a meeting really were held, to give the best
+explanations in my power to my correspondent, Mr Shell Out, and his
+friends. In this mood of mind I returned to the Provost's dwelling.
+
+The dinner that day was not so joyous as before. Old Binkie questioned
+me very closely as to the result of my visits, and seemed chagrined that
+Toddy Tam had not been more definite in his promises of support.
+
+"Ye maun hae Tam," said the Provost. "He disna like the Clique--I hope
+naebody's listening--nor the Clique him; but he stands weel wi' the
+Independents, and the Seceders will go wi' him to a man. We canna afford
+to lose Gills. I'll send ower for him, and see if we canna talk him into
+reason. Haith, though, we'll need mair whisky, for Tam requires an unco
+deal of slockening!"
+
+Tam, however, proved to be from home, and therefore the Provost and I
+were left to our accustomed duet. He complained grievously of my
+abstemiousness, which for divers reasons I thought it prudent to
+observe. An extra tumbler might again have made Miss Binkie a cherub in
+my eyes.
+
+I am afraid that the young lady thought me a very changeable person.
+When the Provost fell asleep, she allowed the conversation to languish,
+until it reached that awful degree of pause which usually precedes the
+popping of the question. But this time I was on my guard, and held out
+with heroic stubbornness. I did not even launch out upon the subject of
+poetry, which Maggie rather cleverly introduced; for there is a decided
+affinity between the gay science and the tender passion, and it is
+difficult to preserve indifference when quoting from the "Loves of the
+Angels." I thought it safer to try metaphysics. It is not easy to
+extract an amorous avowal, even by implication, from a discourse upon
+the theory of consciousness; and I flatter myself that Kant, if he could
+have heard me that evening, would have returned home with some novel
+lights upon the subject. Miss Binkie seemed to think that I might have
+selected a more congenial theme; for she presently exhibited symptoms of
+pettishness, took up a book, and applied herself diligently to the
+perusal of a popular treatise upon knitting.
+
+Shortly afterwards, the Provost awoke, and his daughter took occasion to
+retire. She held out her hand to me with rather a reproachful look, but,
+though sorely tempted, I did not indulge in a squeeze.
+
+"That's a fine lassie--a very fine lassie!" remarked the Provost, as he
+severed a Welsh rabbit into twain. "Ye are no a family man yet, Mr
+Dunshunner, and ye maybe canna comprehend what a comfort she has been to
+me. I'm auld now, and a thocht failing; but it is a great relief to me
+to ken that, when I am in my grave, Maggie winna be tocherless. I've
+laid up a braw nest-egg for her ower at the bank yonder."
+
+I of course coincided in the praise of Miss Binkie, but showed so little
+curiosity as to the contents of the indicated egg, that the Provost
+thought proper to enlighten me, and hinted at eight thousand pounds. It
+is my positive belief that the worthy man expected an immediate
+proposal: if so, he was pretty egregiously mistaken. I could not,
+however, afford, at this particular crisis, to offend him, and
+accordingly stuck to generals. As the hour of meeting was approaching, I
+thought it necessary to acquaint him with the message I had received, in
+order to account for my exit at so unseasonable a time.
+
+"It's verra odd," said the Provost,--"verra odd! A' Dreepdaily should be
+in their beds by this time, and I canna think there could be a meeting
+without me hearing of it. It's just the reverse o' constitutional to
+keep folk trailing aboot the toun at this time o' nicht, and the brig is
+a queer place for a tryst."
+
+"You do not surely apprehend, Mr Binkie, that there is any danger?"
+
+"No just that, but you'll no be the waur o' a stick. Ony gait, I'll send
+to Saunders Caup, the toun-officer, to be on the look-out. If ony body
+offers to harm ye, be sure ye cry out, and Saunders will be up in a
+crack. He's as stieve as steel, and an auld Waterloo man."
+
+As a considerable number of years has elapsed since the last great
+European conflict, I confess that my confidence in the capabilities of
+Mr Caup, as an ally, was inferior to my belief in his prowess. I
+therefore declined the proposal, but accepted the weapon; and, after a
+valedictory tumbler with my host, emerged into the darkened street.
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+Francis Osbaldistone, when he encountered the famous Rob Roy by night,
+was in all probability, notwithstanding Sir Walter's assertion to the
+contrary, in a very tolerable state of trepidation. At least I know that
+I was, as I neared the bridge of Dreepdaily. It was a nasty night of
+wind and rain, and not a soul was stirring in the street--the surface
+of which did little credit to the industry of the paving department,
+judging from the number of dubs in which I found involuntary
+accommodation. As I floundered along through the mire, I breathed
+anything but benedictions on the mysterious Shell Out, who was the
+cause of my midnight wandering.
+
+Just as I reached the bridge, beneath which the river was roaring rather
+uncomfortably, a ragged-looking figure started out from an entry. A
+solitary lamp, suspended from above, gave me a full view of this
+personage, who resembled an animated scarecrow.
+
+He stared me full in the face, and then muttered, with a wink and a
+leer,--
+
+"Was ye seekin' for ony body the nicht? Eh wow, man, but it's cauld!"
+
+"Who may you be, my friend?" said I, edging off from my unpromising
+acquaintance.
+
+"Wha may I be?" replied the other: "that's a gude ane! Gosh, d'ye no ken
+me? Au'm Geordie Dowie, the town bauldy, that's as weel kent as the
+Provost hissell!"
+
+To say the truth, Geordie was a very truculent-looking character to be
+an innocent. However, imbeciles of this description are usually
+harmless.
+
+"And what have you got to say to me, Geordie?"
+
+     "If ye're the man I think ye are,
+       And ye're name begins wi' a D,
+     Just tak ye tae yer soople shanks,
+       And tramp alang wi' me,"
+
+quavered the idiot, who, like many others, had a natural turn for
+poetry.
+
+"And where are we going to, Geordie, my man?" said I in a soothing
+voice.
+
+"Ye'll find that when we get there," replied the bauldy.
+
+     "Hey the bonnie gill-stoup!
+     Ho the bonnie gill-stoup!
+     Gie me walth o' barley bree,
+     And leeze me on the gill-stoup!"
+
+"But you can at least tell me who sent you here, Geordie?" said I,
+anxious for further information before intrusting myself to such erratic
+guidance.
+
+He of the gill-stoups lifted up his voice and sang--
+
+     "Cam' ye by Tweedside,
+       Or cam' ye by Flodden?
+     Met ye the deil
+       On the braes o' Culloden?
+
+     "Three imps o' darkness
+       I saw in a neuk,
+     Riving the red-coats,
+       And roasting the Deuk.
+
+     "Quo' ane o' them--'Geordie,
+       Gae down to the brig,
+     I'm yaup for my supper,
+       And fetch us a Whig.'
+
+"Ha! ha! ha! Hoo d'ye like that, my man? Queer freends ye've gotten noo,
+and ye'll need a lang spoon to sup kail wi' them. But come awa'. I canna
+stand here the haill nicht listening to your havers."
+
+Although the hint conveyed by Mr Dowie's ingenious verses was rather of
+an alarming nature, I made up my mind at once to run all risks and
+follow him. Geordie strode on, selecting apparently the most
+unfrequented lanes, and making, as I anxiously observed, for a remote
+part of the suburbs. Nor was his voice silent during our progress, for
+he kept regaling me with a series of snatches, which, being for the most
+part of a supernatural and diabolical tendency, did not much contribute
+towards the restoration of my equanimity. At length he paused before a
+small house, the access to which was by a downward flight of steps.
+
+"Ay--this is the place!" he muttered. "I ken it weel. It's no just bad
+the whusky that they sell, but they needna put sae muckle water
+intil't."
+
+So saying, he descended the stair. I followed. There was no light in the
+passage, but the idiot went forward, stumbling and groping in the dark.
+I saw a bright ray streaming through a crevice, and three distinct
+knocks were given.
+
+"Come in, whaever ye are!" said a bluff voice: and I entered a low
+apartment, in which the candles looked yellow through a fog of
+tobacco-smoke. Three men were seated at a deal table, covered with the
+implements of national conviviality; and to my intense astonishment none
+of the three were strangers to me. I at once recognised the features of
+the taciturn M'Auslan, the wary Shanks, and the independent Mr Thomas
+Gills.
+
+"There's the man ye wanted," said Geordie Dowie, slapping me familiarly
+on the shoulder.--"Whaur's the dram ye promised me?
+
+     "In Campbelltown my luve was born,
+       Her mither in Glen Turrit!
+     But Ferintosh is the place for me,
+       For that's the strangest speerit!"
+
+"Haud yer clavering tongue, ye common village!" said Toddy Tam. "Wad ye
+bring in the neebourhood on us? M'Auslan, gie the body his dram, and
+then see him out of the door. We manna be interfered wi' in our cracks."
+
+M'Auslan obeyed. A large glass of alcohol was given to my guide, who
+swallowed it with a sigh of pleasure.
+
+"Eh, man! that's gude and strang! It's no ilka whusky that'll mak
+Geordie Dowie pech. Fair fa' yer face, my bonny M'Auslan! could you no
+just gi'e us anither?"
+
+"Pit him out!" said the remorseless Gills. "It's just extraordinar how
+fond the creature is o' drink!" and Geordie was forcibly ejected, after
+an ineffectual clutch at the bottle.
+
+"Sit ye down, Mr Dunshunner," said Toddy Tam, addressing himself to me;
+"sit ye down, and mix yoursel' a tumbler. I daresay now ye was a little
+surprised at the note ye got this morning, eh?"
+
+"Why, certainly, Mr Gills, I did not anticipate the pleasure----"
+
+"Ay, I kenned ye wad wonder at it. But ilka place has its ain way o'
+doing business, and this is ours--quiet and cozy, ye see. I'se warrant,
+too, ye thocht M'Auslan a queer ane because he wadna speak out?"
+
+I laughed dubiously towards M'Auslan, who responded with the austerest
+of possible grins.
+
+"And Shanks, too," continued Toddy Tam; "Shanks wadna speak out neither.
+They're auld-farrant hands baith o' them, Mr Dunshunner, and they didna
+like to promise ony thing without me. We three aye gang thegither."
+
+"I hope, then, Mr Gills, that I may calculate upon your support and that
+of your friends. My views upon the currency----"
+
+"Ay! that's speaking out at ance. Hoo muckle?"
+
+"Ay! hoo muckle?" interposed M'Auslan, with a glistening eye.
+
+"I really do not understand you, gentlemen."
+
+"Troth, then, ye're slow at the uptak," remarked Gills, after a meaning
+pause. "I see we maun be clear and conceese. Hark ye, Mr
+Dunshunner,--wha do ye think we are?"
+
+"Three most respectable gentlemen, for whom I have the highest possible
+regard."
+
+"Hoots!--nonsense! D'ye no ken?"
+
+"No," was my puzzled response.
+
+"Weel, then," said Toddy Tam, advancing his lips to my ear, and pouring
+forth an alcoholic whisper--"we three can do mair than ye think o'--It's
+huz that is THE CLIQUE!"
+
+I recoiled in perfect amazement, and gazed in succession upon the
+countenances of the three compatriots. Yes--there could be no doubt
+about it--I was in the presence of the tremendous junta of Dreepdaily;
+the veil of Isis had been lifted up, and the principal figure upon the
+pedestal was the magnanimous and independent Gills. Always a worshipper
+of genius, I began to entertain a feeling little short of veneration
+towards Toddy Tam. The admirable manner in which he had contrived to
+conceal his real power from the public--his assumed indignation and
+horror of the Clique--and his hold over all classes of the electors,
+demonstrated him at once to be a consummate master of the political art.
+Machiavelli could not have devised a subtler stratagem than Gills.
+
+"That's just the plain truth o' the matter," observed Shanks, who had
+hitherto remained silent. "We three is the Clique, and we hae the
+representation o' the burrow in our hands. Now, to speak to the point,
+if we put our names down on your Committee, you carry the election, and
+we're ready to come to an understanding upon fair and liberal grounds."
+
+And we did come to an understanding upon grounds which might be justly
+characterised as fair on the one side, and certainly liberal on the
+other. There was of course some little discussion as to the lengths I
+was expected to go in financial matters; and it was even hinted that,
+with regard to bullion, the Honourable Mr Pozzlethwaite might possibly
+entertain as enlarged views as myself. However, we fortunately succeeded
+in adjusting all our differences. I not only promised to give the weight
+of my name to a bill, but exhibited, upon the spot, a draft which met
+with the cordial approbation of my friends, and which indeed was so
+satisfactory that they did not offer to return it.
+
+"That's a' right then," said Toddy Tam, inserting the last-mentioned
+document in a greasy pocket-book. "Our names go down on your Committy,
+and the election is as gude as won!"
+
+An eldritch laugh at a little window, which communicated with the
+street, at this moment electrified the speaker. There was a glimpse of a
+human face seen through the dingy pane.
+
+A loud oath burst from the lips of Toddy Thomas.
+
+"Some deevil has been watching us!" he cried. "Rin, M'Auslan, rin for
+your life, and grip him afore he can turn the corner! I wad not for a
+thousand pund that this nicht's wark were to get wind!"
+
+M'Auslan rushed, as desired; but all his efforts were ineffectual. The
+fugitive, whoever he was, had very prudently dived into the darkness,
+and the draper returned without his victim.
+
+"What is to be done?" said I. "It strikes me, gentlemen, that this may
+turn out to be a very unpleasant business."
+
+"Nae fears--nae fears!" said Toddy Tam, looking, however, the reverse of
+comfortable. "It will hae been some callant trying to fley us, that's
+a'. But, mind ye--no a word o' this to ony living human being, and aboon
+a' to Provost Binkie. I've keepit him for four years in the dark, and it
+never wad do to show the cat the road to the kirn!"
+
+I acquiesced in the precautionary arrangement, and we parted; Toddy Tam
+and his friends having, by this time, disposed of all the surplus fluid.
+It was very late before I reached the Provost's dwelling.
+
+I suppose that next morning I had overslept myself; for, when I awoke, I
+heard Miss Binkie in full operation at the piano. This time, however,
+she was not singing alone, for a male voice was audible in conjunction
+with hers.
+
+"It would be an amazing consolation to me if somebody would carry off
+that girl!" thought I, as I proceeded with my toilet. "I made a deuced
+fool of myself to her yesterday; and, to say the truth, I don't very
+well know how to look her in the face!"
+
+However, there was no help for it, so I proceeded down-stairs. The
+first individual I recognised in the breakfast parlour was M'Corkindale.
+He was engaged in singing, along with Miss Binkie, some idiotical catch
+about a couple of albino mice.
+
+"Bob!" cried I, "my dear Bob, I am delighted to see you;--what on earth
+has brought you here?"
+
+"A gig and a foundered mare," replied the matter-of-fact M'Corkindale.
+"The fact is, that I was anxious to hear about your canvass; and, as
+there was nothing to do in Glasgow--by the way, Dunshunner, the banks
+have put on the screw again--I resolved to satisfy my own curiosity in
+person. I arrived this morning, and Miss Binkie has been kind enough to
+ask me to stay breakfast."
+
+"I am sure both papa and I are always happy to see Mr M'Corkindale,"
+said Margaret impressively.
+
+"I am afraid," said I, "that I have interrupted your music: I did not
+know, M'Corkindale, that you were so eminent a performer."
+
+"I hold with Aristotle," replied Bob modestly, "that music and political
+economy are at the head of all the sciences. But it is very seldom that
+one can meet with so accomplished a partner as Miss Binkie."
+
+"Oh, ho," thought I. But here the entrance of the Provost diverted the
+conversation, and we all sat down to breakfast. Old Binkie was evidently
+dying to know the result of my interview on the previous evening, but I
+was determined to keep him in the dark. Bob fed like an ogre, and made
+prodigious efforts to be polite.
+
+After breakfast, on the pretext of business we went out for a walk. The
+economist lighted his cigar.
+
+"Snug quarters these, Dunshunner, at the Provost's."
+
+"Very. But, Bob, things are looking rather well here. I had a
+negotiation last night which has as good as settled the business."
+
+"I am very glad to hear it.--Nice girl, Miss Binkie; very pretty eyes,
+and a good foot and ankle."
+
+"An unexceptionable instep. What do you think!--I have actually
+discovered the Clique at last."
+
+"You don't say so! Do you think old Binkie has saved money?"
+
+"I am sure he has. I look upon Dreepdaily as pretty safe now; and I
+propose going over this afternoon to Drouthielaw. What would you
+recommend?"
+
+"I think you are quite right; but somebody should stay here to look
+after your interests. There is no depending upon these fellows. I'll
+tell you what--while you are at Drouthielaw I shall remain here, and
+occupy your quarters. The Committee will require some man of business to
+drill them in, and I don't care if I spare you the time."
+
+I highly applauded this generous resolution; at the same time I was not
+altogether blind to the motive. Bob, though an excellent fellow in the
+main, did not usually sacrifice himself to his friends, and I began to
+suspect that Maggie Binkie--with whom, by the way, he had some previous
+acquaintance--was somehow or other connected with his enthusiasm. As
+matters stood, I of course entertained no objection: on the contrary, I
+thought it no breach of confidence to repeat the history of the
+nest-egg.
+
+Bob pricked up his ears.
+
+"Indeed!" said he; "that is a fair figure as times go; and to judge from
+appearances, the stock in trade must be valuable."
+
+"Cargoes of sugar," said I, "oceans of rum, and no end whatever of
+molasses!"
+
+"A very creditable chairman, indeed, for your Committee, Dunshunner,"
+replied Bob. "Then I presume you agree that I should stay here, whilst
+you prosecute your canvass?"
+
+I assented, and we returned to the house. In the course of the forenoon
+the list of my Committee was published, and, to the great joy of the
+Provost, the names of Thomas Gill, Alexander M'Auslan, and Simon Shanks
+appeared. He could not, for the life of him, understand how they had all
+come forward so readily. A meeting of my friends was afterwards held, at
+which I delivered a short harangue upon the constitution of 1688, which
+seemed to give general satisfaction; and before I left the room, I had
+the pleasure of seeing the Committee organised, with Bob officiating as
+secretary. It was the opinion of every one that Pozzlethwaite had not a
+chance. I then partook of a light luncheon, and after bidding farewell
+to Miss Binkie, who, on the whole, seemed to take matters very coolly, I
+drove off for Drouthielaw. I need not relate my adventures in that
+respectable burgh. They were devoid of anything like interest, and not
+quite so satisfactory in their result as I could have wished. However,
+the name of Gills was known even at that distance, and his views had
+considerable weight with some of the religious denominations. So far as
+I was concerned, I had no sinecure of it. It cost me three nights' hard
+drinking to conciliate the leaders of the Anabaptists, and at least
+three more before the chiefs of the Antinomians would surrender. As to
+the Old Light gentry, I gave them up in despair, for I could not hope to
+have survived the consequences of so serious a conflict.
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+Parliament was at length dissolved; the new writs were issued, and the
+day of nomination fixed for the Dreepdaily burghs. For a time it
+appeared to myself, and indeed to almost every one else, that my return
+was perfectly secure. Provost Binkie was in great glory, and the faces
+of the unknown Clique were positively radiant with satisfaction. But a
+storm was brewing in another quarter, upon which we had not previously
+calculated.
+
+The Honourable Mr Pozzlethwaite, my opponent, had fixed his headquarters
+in Drouthielaw, and to all appearance was making very little progress in
+Dreepdaily. Indeed, in no sense of the word could Pozzlethwaite be said
+to be popular. He was a middle-aged man, as blind as a bat, and, in
+order to cure the defect, he ornamented his visage with an immense pair
+of green spectacles, which, it may be easily conceived, did not add to
+the beauty of his appearance. In speech he was slow and verbose, in
+manner awkward, in matter almost wholly unintelligible. He professed
+principles which he said were precisely the same as those advocated by
+the late Jeremy Bentham; and certainly, if he was correct in this, I do
+not regret that my parents omitted to bring me up at the feet of the
+utilitarian Gamaliel. In short, Paul was prosy to a degree, had not
+an atom of animation in his whole composition, and could no more have
+carried a crowd along with him than he could have supported Atlas upon
+his shoulders. A portion, however, of philosophic weavers, and a certain
+section of the Seceders, had declared in his favour; and, moreover,
+it was just possible that he might gain the suffrages of some of the
+Conservatives. Kittleweem, the Tory burgh, had hitherto preserved the
+appearance of strict neutrality. I had attempted to address the electors
+of that place, but I found that the hatred of Dreepdaily and of its
+Clique was more powerful than my eloquence; and, somehow or other, the
+benighted savages did not comprehend the merits of the Revolution
+Settlement of 1688, and were as violently national as the Celtic race
+before the invention of trews. Kittleweem had equipped half a regiment
+for Prince Charles in the Forty-five, and still piqued itself on its
+stanch Episcopacy. A Whig, therefore, could hardly expect to be popular
+in such a den of prejudice. By the advice of M'Corkindale, I abstained
+from any further efforts, which might possibly have tended to exasperate
+the electors, and left Kittleweem to itself, in the hope that it would
+maintain an armed neutrality.
+
+And so it probably might have done, but for an unexpected occurrence.
+Two days before the nomination, a new candidate appeared on the field.
+Sholto Douglas was the representative of one of the oldest branches of
+his distinguished name, and the race to which he more immediately
+belonged had ever been foremost in the ranks of Scottish chivalry and
+patriotism. In fact, no family had suffered more from their attachment
+to the cause of legitimacy than the Douglases of Inveriachan.
+Forfeiture after forfeiture had cut down their broad lands to a narrow
+estate, and but for an unexpected Indian legacy, the present heir would
+have been marching as a subaltern in a foot regiment. But a large
+importation of rupees had infused new life and spirit into the bosom of
+Sholto Douglas. Young, eager, and enthusiastic, he determined to rescue
+himself from obscurity; and the present state of the Dreepdaily burghs
+appeared to offer a most tempting opportunity. Douglas was, of course,
+Conservative to the backbone; but, more than that, he openly proclaimed
+himself a friend of the people, and a supporter of the rights of labour.
+
+"Confound the fellow!" said Bob M'Corkindale to me, the morning after
+Sholto's address had been placarded through the burghs, "who would have
+thought of an attack of this kind from such a quarter? Have you seen his
+manifesto, Dunshunner?"
+
+"Yes--here it is in the _Patriot_. The editor, however, gives him it
+soundly in the leading article. I like his dogmatic style and wholesale
+denunciation of the Tories."
+
+"I'll tell you what it is, though--I look upon this as anything but a
+joke. Douglas is evidently not a man to stand upon old aristocratic
+pretensions. He has got the right sow by the ear this time, and, had he
+started a little earlier, might have roused the national spirit to a
+very unpleasant pitch. You observe what he says about Scotland, the
+neglect of her local interests, and the manner in which she has been
+treated, with reference to Ireland?"
+
+"I do. And you will be pleased to recollect that but for yourself,
+something of the same kind would have appeared in my address."
+
+"If you mean that as a reproach, Dunshunner, you are wrong. How was it
+possible to have started you as a Whig upon patriotic principles?"
+
+"Well--that's true enough. At the same time, I cannot help wishing that
+we had said a word or two about the interests to the north of the
+Tweed."
+
+"What is done cannot be undone. We must now stick by the Revolution
+settlement."
+
+"Do you know, Bob, I think we have given them quite enough of that same
+settlement already. Those fellows at Kittleweem laughed in my face the
+last time that I talked about it, and I am rather afraid that it won't
+go down on the hustings."
+
+"Try the sanitary condition of the towns, then, and universal
+conciliation to Ireland," replied the Economist. "I have given orders to
+hire two hundred Paddies, who have come over for the harvest, at a
+shilling a-head, and of course you may depend upon their voices, and
+also their shillelahs, if needful. I think we should have a row. It
+would be a great matter to make Douglas unpopular; and, with a movement
+of my little finger, I could turn out a whole legion of navigators."
+
+"No, Bob, you had better not. It is just possible they might make a
+mistake, and shy brickbats at the wrong candidate. It will be safer, I
+think, to leave the mob to itself: at the same time, we shall not be the
+worse for the Tipperary demonstration. And how looks the canvass?"
+
+"Tolerably well, but not perfectly secure. The Clique has done its very
+best, but at the same time there is undeniably a growing feeling against
+it. Many people grumble about its dominion, and are fools enough to say
+that they have a right to think for themselves."
+
+"Could you not circulate a report that Pozzlethwaite is the man of the
+Clique?"
+
+"The idea is ingenious, but I fear it would hardly work. Dreepdaily is
+well known to be the headquarters of the confederation, and the name of
+Provost Binkie is inseparably connected with it."
+
+"By the way, M'Corkindale, it struck me that you looked rather sweet
+upon Miss Binkie last evening."
+
+"I did. In fact I popped the question," replied Robert calmly.
+
+"Indeed! Were you accepted?"
+
+"Conditionally. If we gain the election, she becomes Mrs
+M'Corkindale--if we lose, I suppose I shall have to return to Glasgow
+in a state of celibacy."
+
+"A curious contract, certainly! Well, Bob, since your success is
+involved in mine, we must fight a desperate battle."
+
+"I wish, though, that Mr Sholto Douglas had been kind enough to keep out
+of the way," observed M'Corkindale.
+
+The morning of the day appointed for the nomination dawned upon the
+people of Dreepdaily with more than usual splendour. For once, there was
+no mist upon the surrounding hills, and the sky was clear as sapphire. I
+rose early to study my speech, which had received the finishing touches
+from M'Corkindale on the evening before; and I flatter myself it was as
+pretty a piece of Whig rhetoric as ever was spouted from a hustings.
+Toddy Tam, indeed, had objected, upon seeing a draft, that "there was
+nae banes intil't;" but the political economist was considered by the
+Committee a superior authority on such subjects to Gills. After having
+carefully conned it over, I went down-stairs, where the whole party were
+already assembled. A large blue and yellow flag, with the inscription,
+"DUNSHUNNER AND THE GOOD CAUSE!" was hung out from the window, to the
+intense delight of a gang of urchins, who testified to the popularity of
+the candidate by ceaseless vociferation to "pour out." The wall
+opposite, however, bore some memoranda of an opposite tendency, for I
+could see some large placards, newly pasted up, on which the words,
+"ELECTORS OF DREEPDAILY! YOU ARE SOLD BY THE CLIQUE!" were conspicuous
+in enormous capitals. I heard, too, something like a ballad chanted, in
+which my name seemed to be coupled, irreverently, with that of the
+independent Gills.
+
+Provost Binkie--who, in common with the rest of the company, wore upon
+his bosom an enormous blue and buff cockade, prepared by the fair hands
+of his daughter--saluted me with great cordiality. I ought to observe
+that the Provost had been kept as much as possible in the dark regarding
+the actual results of the canvass. He was to propose me, and it was
+thought that his nerves would be more steady if he came forward under
+the positive conviction of success.
+
+"This is a great day, Mr Dunshunner--a grand day for Dreepdaily," he
+said. "A day, if I may sae speak, o' triumph and rejoicing! The news o'
+this will run frae one end o' the land to the ither--for the een o' a'
+Scotland is fixed on Dreepdaily, and the stench auld Whig principles is
+sure to prevail, even like a mighty river that rins down in spate to the
+sea!"
+
+I justly concluded that this figure of speech formed part of the address
+to the electors which for the two last days had been simmering in the
+brain of the worthy magistrate, along with the fumes of the potations
+he had imbibed, as incentives to the extraordinary effort. Of course I
+took care to appear to participate in his enthusiasm. My mind, however,
+was very far from being thoroughly at ease.
+
+As twelve o'clock, which was the hour of nomination, drew near, there
+was a great muster at my committee-room. The band of the Independent
+Tee-totallers, who to a man were in my interest, was in attendance. They
+had been well primed with ginger cordial, and were obstreperous to a
+gratifying degree.
+
+Toddy Tam came up to me with a face of the colour of carnation.
+
+"I think it richt to tell ye, Mr Dunshunner, that there will be a bit o'
+a bleeze ower yonder at the hustings. The Kittleweem folk hae come
+through in squads, and Lord Hartside's tenantry have marched in a body,
+wi' Sholto Douglas's colours flying."
+
+"And the Drouthielaw fellows--what has become of them?"
+
+"Od, they're no wi' us either--they're just savage at the Clique!
+Gudesake, Mr Dunshunner, tak care, and dinna say a word aboot huz. I
+intend mysell to denounce the body, and may be that will do us gude."
+
+I highly approved of Mr Gills' determination, and as the time had now
+come, we formed in column, and marched towards the hustings with the
+tee-total band in front, playing a very lugubrious imitation of
+"Glorious Apollo."
+
+The other candidates had already taken their places. The moment I was
+visible to the audience, I was assailed by a volley of yells, among
+which, cries of "Doun wi' the Clique!"--"Wha bought them?"--"Nae
+nominee!"--"We've had eneuch o' the Whigs!" et cetera, were distinctly
+audible. This was not at all the kind of reception I had bargained
+for;--however, there was nothing for it but to put on a smiling face,
+and I reciprocated courtesies as well as I could with both of my
+honourable opponents.
+
+During the reading of the writ and the Bribery Act, there was a deal of
+joking, which I presume was intended to be good-humoured. At the same
+time there could be no doubt that it was distinctly personal. I heard my
+name associated with epithets of anything but an endearing description,
+and, to say the truth, if choice had been granted, I would far rather
+have been at Jericho than in the front of the hustings at Dreepdaily. A
+man must be, indeed, intrepid, and conscious of a good cause, who can
+oppose himself without blenching to the objurgation of an excited mob.
+
+The Honourable Paul Pozzlethwaite, on account of his having been the
+earliest candidate in the field, was first proposed by a town-councillor
+of Drouthielaw. This part of the ceremony appeared to excite but little
+interest, the hooting and cheering being pretty equally distributed.
+
+It was now our turn.
+
+"Gang forrard, Provost, and be sure ye speak oot!" said Toddy Tam; and
+Mr Binkie advanced accordingly.
+
+Thereupon such a row commenced as I never had witnessed before. Yelling
+is a faint word to express the sounds of that storm of extraordinary
+wrath which descended upon the head of the devoted Provost. "Clique!
+Clique!" resounded on every side, and myriads of eyes, ferocious as
+those of the wildcat, were bent scowlingly on my worthy proposer. In
+vain did he gesticulate--in vain implore. The voice of Demosthenes--nay,
+the deep bass of Stentor himself--could not have been heard amidst that
+infernal uproar; so that, after working his arms for a time like the
+limbs of a telegraph, and exerting himself until he became absolutely
+swart in the face, Binkie was fain to give it up, and retired amidst a
+whirlwind of abuse.
+
+"May the deil fly awa' wi' the hail pack o' them!" said he, almost
+blubbering with excitement and indignation. "Wha wad ever hae thocht to
+have seen the like o' this? and huz, too, that gied them the Reform
+Bill! Try your hand at them, Tam, for my heart's amaist broken!"
+
+The bluff independent character of Mr Gills, and his reputed purity
+from all taint of the Clique, operated considerably in his favour. He
+advanced amidst general cheering, and cries of "Noo for Toddy Tam!"
+"Let's hear Mr Gills!" and the like; and as he tossed his hat aside and
+clenched his brawny fist, he really looked the incarnation of a sturdy
+and independent elector. His style, too, was decidedly popular--
+
+"Listen tae me!" he said, "and let the brawlin', braggin', bletherin'
+idiwits frae Drouthielaw haud their lang clavering tongues, and no keep
+rowtin' like a herd o' senseless nowte! (Great cheering from Dreepdaily
+and Kittleweem--considerable disapprobation from Drouthielaw.) I ken
+them weel, the auld haverils! (cheers.) But you, my freends, that I have
+dwalt wi' for twenty years, is it possible that ye can believe for one
+moment that I wad submit to be dictated to by a Clique? (Cries of "No!
+no!" "It's no you, Tam!" and confusion.) No me? I dinna thank ye for
+that! Wull ony man daur to say to my face, that I ever colleagued wi' a
+pack that wad buy and sell the haill of us as readily as ye can deal wi'
+sheep's-heads in the public market? (Laughter.) Div ye think that if Mr
+Dunshunner was ony way mixed up wi' that gang, I wad be here this day
+tae second him? Div ye think----"
+
+Here Mr Gills met with a singular interruption. A remarkable figure
+attired in a red coat and cocked-hat, at one time probably the property
+of a civic officer, and who had been observed for some time bobbing
+about in front of the hustings, was now elevated upon the shoulders of a
+yeoman, and displayed to the delighted spectators the features of
+Geordie Dowie.
+
+"Ay, Toddy Tam, are ye there, man?" cried Geordie with a malignant grin.
+"What was you and the Clique doin' at Nanse Finlayson's on Friday
+nicht?"
+
+"What was it, Geordie? What was it?" cried a hundred voices.
+
+"Am I to be interrupted by a natural?" cried Gills, looking, however,
+considerably flushed in the face.
+
+"What hae ye dune wi' the notes, Tam, that the lang chield up by there
+gied ye? And whaur's your freends, Shanks and M'Auslan? See that ye
+steek close the window neist time, ma man!" cried Geordie with demoniac
+ferocity.
+
+This was quite enough for the mob, who seldom require any excuse for a
+display of their hereditary privileges. A perfect hurricane of hissing
+and of yelling arose, and Gills, though he fought like a hero, was at
+last forced to retire from the contest. Had Geordie Dowie's windpipe
+been within his grasp at that moment, I would not have insured for any
+amount the life of the perfidious spy.
+
+Sholto Douglas was proposed and seconded amidst great cheering, and
+then Pozzlethwaite rose to speak. I do not very well recollect what he
+said, for I had quite enough to do in thinking about myself; and the
+Honourable Paul would have conferred a material obligation upon me, if
+he had talked for an hour longer. At length my turn came.
+
+"Electors of Dreepdaily!"--
+
+That was the whole of my speech--at least the whole of it that was
+audible to any one human being. Humboldt, if I recollect right, talks in
+one of his travels of having somewhere encountered a mountain composed
+of millions of entangled snakes, whose hissing might have equalled that
+of the transformed legions of Pandemonium. I wish Humboldt, for the sake
+of scientific comparison, could have been upon the hustings that day!
+Certain I am, that the sibilation did not leave my ears for a fortnight
+afterwards, and even now, in my slumbers, I am haunted by a wilderness
+of asps! However, at the urgent entreaty of M'Corkindale, I went on for
+about ten minutes, though I was quivering in every limb, and as pale as
+a ghost; and in order that the public might not lose the benefit of my
+sentiments, I concluded by handing a copy of my speech, interlarded with
+fictitious cheers, to the reporter for the _Dreepdaily Patriot_. That
+document may still be seen by the curious in the columns of that
+impartial newspaper.
+
+I will state this for Sholto Douglas, that he behaved like a perfect
+gentleman. There was in his speech no triumph over the discomfiture
+which the other candidates had received; on the contrary, he rather
+rebuked the audience for not having listened to us with greater
+patience. He then went on with his oration. I need hardly say it was a
+national one, and it was most enthusiastically cheered.
+
+All that I need mention about the show of hands is, that it was not by
+any means hollow in my favour.
+
+That afternoon we were not quite so lively in the Committee-room as
+usual. The serenity of Messrs Gills, M'Auslan, and Shanks,--and,
+perhaps, I may add of myself--was a good deal shaken by the intelligence
+that a broadside with the tempting title of "_Full and Particular
+Account of an Interview between the Clique and Mr Dunshunner, held at
+Nanse Finlayson's Tavern, on Friday last, and how they came to terms. By
+an Eyewitness_," was circulating like wildfire through the streets. To
+have been beaten by a Douglas was nothing, but to have been so artfully
+entrapped by an imbecile!
+
+Provost Binkie, too, was dull and dissatisfied. The reception he had met
+with in his native town was no doubt a severe mortification, but the
+feeling that he had been used as a catspaw and instrument of the Clique,
+was, I suspected, uppermost in his mind. Poor man! We had great
+difficulty that evening in bringing him to his sixth tumbler.
+
+Even M'Corkindale was hipped. I own I was surprised at this, for I knew
+of old the indefatigable spirit and keen energy of my friend, and I
+thought that, with such a stake as he had in the contest, he would even
+have redoubled his exertions. Such, however, was not the case.
+
+I pass over the proceedings at the poll. From a very early hour it
+became perfectly evident that my chance was utterly gone; and, indeed,
+had it been possible, I should have left Dreepdaily before the close. At
+four o'clock the numbers stood thus:--
+
+                       DREEPDAILY.   DROUTHIELAW.  KITTLEWEEM.
+
+ DOUGLAS,                  94             63          192
+
+ POZZLETHWAITE,            59             73           21
+
+ DUNSHUNNER,               72             19            7
+
+         Majority for DOUGLAS,                   196
+
+We had an affecting scene in the Committee-room. Gills, who had been
+drinking all day, shed copious floods of tears; Shanks was disconsolate;
+and M'Auslan refused to be comforted. Of course I gave the usual pledge,
+that on the very first opportunity I should come forward again to
+reassert the independence of the burghs, now infamously sacrificed to a
+Conservative; but the cheering at this announcement was of the very
+faintest description, and I doubt whether any one believed me. Two hours
+afterwards I was miles away from Dreepdaily.
+
+I have since had letters from that place, which inform me that the
+Clique is utterly discomfited; that for some days the component members
+of it might be seen wandering through the streets, and pouring their
+husky sorrows into the ears of every stray listener whom they could
+find, until they became a positive nuisance. My best champion, however,
+was the editor of the _Patriot_. That noble and dauntless individual
+continued for weeks afterwards to pour forth Jeremiads upon my defeat,
+and stigmatised my opponents and their supporters as knaves, miscreants,
+and nincompoops. I was, he maintained, the victim of a base conspiracy,
+and the degraded town of Dreepdaily would never be able thereafter to
+rear its polluted head in the Convention of Royal Burghs.
+
+Whilst these things were going on in Dreepdaily, I was closeted with
+M'Corkindale in Glasgow.
+
+"So, then, you have lost your election," said he.
+
+"And you have lost your wife."
+
+"Neither of the two accidents appear to me irreparable," replied Robert.
+
+"How so? Do you still think of Miss Binkie?"
+
+"By no means. I made some little inquiry the day before the election,
+and discovered that a certain nest-egg was enormously exaggerated, if
+not altogether fictitious."
+
+"Well, Bob, there is certainly nobody like yourself for getting
+information."
+
+"I do my best. May I inquire into the nature of your future movements?"
+
+"I have not yet made up my mind. These election matters put everything
+else out of one's head. Let me see--August is approaching, and I half
+promised the Captain of M'Alcohol to spend a few weeks with him at his
+shooting-quarters."
+
+"Are you aware, Dunshunner, that one of your bills falls due at the
+Gorbals Bank upon Tuesday next?"
+
+"Mercy upon me, Bob! I had forgotten all about it."
+
+I did not go to the Highlands after all. The fatigue and exertion we had
+undergone rendered it quite indispensable that my friend Robert and I
+should relax a little. Accordingly we have both embarked for a short run
+upon the Continent.
+
+     BOULOGNE-SUR-MER,
+        _12th August 1847_.
+
+
+
+
+FIRST AND LAST
+
+BY WILLIAM MUDFORD.
+
+[_MAGA._ FEBRUARY 1829.]
+
+
+Take down from your shelves, gentle reader, your folio edition of
+Johnson's Dictionary,--or, if you possess Todd's edition of Johnson,
+take down his four ponderous quartos; turn over every leaf, read every
+word from A to Z, and then confess, that in the whole vocabulary there
+are not any two words which awaken in your heart such a crowd of mixed
+and directly opposite emotions as the two which now stare you in the
+face--FIRST and LAST! In the abstract, they embrace the whole round of
+our existence: in the detail, all its brightest hopes, its noblest
+enjoyments, and its most cherished recollections; all its loftiest
+enterprises, and all its smiles and tears; its pangs of guilt, its
+virtuous principles, its trials, its sorrows, and its rewards. They give
+you the dawn and the close of life, the beginning and the end of its
+countless busy scenes. They are the two extremities of a path which, be
+it long, or be it short, no man sees at one and the same moment. Happy
+would it be for us, sometimes, if we could--if we _could_ behold the end
+of a course of action as certainly as we do the beginning; but oftener,
+far oftener, would it be our curse and torment, unless, with the
+foresight or foreknowledge, we had the power to avert the end.
+
+But let me not anticipate my own intentions, which are to portray, in a
+few sketches, the links that hold together the _first_ and _last_ of the
+most momentous periods and undertakings of our lives; to trace the dawn,
+progress, and decline of many of the best feelings and motives of our
+nature; to touch, with a pensive colouring, the contrasts they present;
+to stimulate honourable enterprises by the examples they furnish; and to
+amuse by the form in which the truths they supply are embodied. I shall
+begin with a subject not exactly falling within the legitimate scope of
+my design, but it will serve as an appropriate introduction, and I shall
+call it
+
+THE FIRST AND LAST DINNER.
+
+Twelve friends, much about the same age, and fixed by their pursuits,
+their family connections, and other local interests, as permanent
+inhabitants of the metropolis, agreed, one day when they were drinking
+their wine at the Star and Garter at Richmond, to institute an annual
+dinner among themselves, under the following regulations: That they
+should dine alternately at each other's houses on the _first_ and _last_
+day of the year; that the _first_ bottle of wine uncorked at the _first_
+dinner, should be recorked and put away, to be drunk by him who should
+be the _last_ of their number; that they should never admit a new
+member; that, when one died, eleven should meet, and when another died,
+ten should meet, and so on; and that, when only one remained, he should,
+on those two days, dine by himself, and sit the usual hours at his
+solitary table; but the _first_ time he so dined alone, lest it should
+be the only one, he should then uncork the _first_ bottle, and, in the
+_first_ glass, drink to the memory of all who were gone.
+
+There was something original and whimsical in the idea, and it was
+eagerly embraced. They were all in the prime of life, closely attached
+by reciprocal friendship, fond of social enjoyments, and looked forward
+to their future meetings with unalloyed anticipations of pleasure. The
+only thought, indeed, that could have darkened those anticipations was
+one not very likely to intrude itself at that moment, that of the
+hapless wight who was destined to uncork the _first_ bottle at his
+lonely repast.
+
+It was high summer when this frolic compact was entered into; and as
+their pleasure-yacht skimmed along the dark bosom of the Thames, on
+their return to London, they talked of nothing but their _first_ and
+_last_ feasts of ensuing years. Their imaginations ran riot with
+a thousand gay predictions of festive merriment. They wantoned in
+conjectures of what changes time would operate; joked each other upon
+their appearance, when they should meet,--some hobbling upon crutches
+after a severe fit of the gout,--others poking about with purblind
+eyes, which even spectacles could hardly enable to distinguish the
+alderman's walk in a haunch of venison--some with portly round bellies
+and tidy little brown wigs, and others decently dressed out in a
+new suit of mourning for the death of a great-granddaughter or a
+great-great-grandson. Palsies, wrinkles, toothless gums, stiff hams,
+and poker knees, were bandied about in sallies of exuberant mirth, and
+appropriated, first to one and then to another, as a group of merry
+children would have distributed golden palaces, flying chariots, diamond
+tables, and chairs of solid pearl, under the fancied possession of a
+magician's wand, which could transform plain brick, and timber, and
+humble mahogany, into such costly treasures.
+
+"As for you, George," exclaimed one of the twelve, addressing his
+brother-in-law, "I expect I shall see you as dry, withered, and
+shrunken, as an old eel-skin, you mere outside of a man!" and he
+accompanied the words with a hearty slap on the shoulder.
+
+George Fortescue was leaning carelessly over the side of the yacht,
+laughing the loudest of any at the conversation which had been carried
+on. The sudden manual salutation of his brother-in-law threw him off his
+balance, and in a moment he was overboard. They heard the heavy splash
+of his fall, before they could be said to have seen him fall. The yacht
+was proceeding swiftly along; but it was instantly stopped.
+
+The utmost consternation now prevailed. It was nearly dark, but
+Fortescue was known to be an excellent swimmer, and, startling as the
+accident was, they felt certain he would regain the vessel. They could
+not see him. They listened. They heard the sound of his hands and feet.
+They hailed him. An answer was returned, but in a faint gurgling voice,
+and the exclamation "Oh God!" struck upon their ears. In an instant two
+or three, who were expert swimmers, plunged into the river, and swam
+towards the spot whence the exclamation had proceeded. One of them was
+within an arm's length of Fortescue: he saw him; he was struggling and
+buffeting the water; before he could be reached, he went down, and his
+distracted friend beheld the eddying circles of the wave just over the
+spot where he had sunk. He dived after him, and touched the bottom; but
+the tide must have drifted the body onwards, for it could not be found!
+
+They proceeded to one of the nearest stations where drags were kept,
+and having procured the necessary apparatus, they returned to the fatal
+spot. After the lapse of above an hour, they succeeded in raising the
+lifeless body of their lost friend. All the usual remedies were employed
+for restoring suspended animation; but in vain; and they now pursued the
+remainder of their course to London in mournful silence, with the corpse
+of him who had commenced the day of pleasure with them in the fulness of
+health, of spirits, and of life! Amid their severer grief, they could
+not but reflect how soon one of the joyous twelve had slipped out of the
+little festive circle.
+
+The months rolled on, and cold December came with all its cheering round
+of kindly greetings and merry hospitalities; and with it came a softened
+recollection of the fate of poor Fortescue; _eleven_ of the twelve
+assembled on the last day of the year, and it was impossible not to feel
+their loss as they sat down to dinner. The very irregularity of the
+table, five on one side, and only four on the other, forced the
+melancholy event upon their memory.
+
+There are few sorrows so stubborn as to resist the united influence of
+wine, a circle of select friends, and a season of prescriptive gaiety.
+Even those pinching troubles of life, which come home to a man's
+own bosom, will light up a smile, in such moments, at the beaming
+countenances and jocund looks of all the rest of the world; while
+your mere sympathetic or sentimental distress gives way, like the
+inconsolable affliction of a widow of twenty closely besieged by a lover
+of thirty.
+
+A decorous sigh or two, a few becoming ejaculations, and an instructive
+observation upon the uncertainty of life, made up the sum of tender
+posthumous "offerings to the _manes_ of poor George Fortescue," as
+they proceeded to discharge the more important duties for which they
+had met. By the time the third glass of champagne had gone round, in
+addition to sundry potations of fine old hock, and "capital madeira,"
+they had ceased to discover anything so very pathetic in the inequality
+of the two sides of the table, or so melancholy in their crippled number
+of eleven.
+
+The rest of the evening passed off to their hearts' content.
+Conversation was briskly kept up amid the usual fire of pun, repartee,
+anecdote, politics, toasts, healths, jokes, broad laughter, erudite
+disquisitions upon the vintage of the wines they were drinking, and an
+occasional song. Towards twelve o'clock, when it might be observed that
+they emptied their glasses with less symptoms of palating the quality of
+what they quaffed, and filled them again with less anxiety as to which
+bottle or decanter they laid hold of, they gradually waxed moral and
+tender; sensibility began to ooze out; "Poor George Fortescue!" was once
+more remembered; those who could count, sighed to think there were only
+eleven of them; and those who could see, felt the tears come into their
+eyes, as they dimly noted the inequality of the two sides of the table.
+They all agreed, at parting, however, that they had never passed such a
+happy day, congratulated each other upon having instituted so delightful
+a meeting, and promised to be punctual to their appointment the ensuing
+evening, when they were to celebrate the new-year, whose entrance they
+had welcomed in bumpers of claret, as the watchman bawled "past twelve!"
+beneath the window.
+
+They met accordingly; and their gaiety was without any alloy or
+drawback. It was only the _first_ time of their assembling after the
+death of "poor George Fortescue," that made the recollection of it
+painful; for, though but a few hours had intervened, they now took their
+seats at the table as if eleven had been their original number, and as
+if all were there that had been ever expected to be there.
+
+It is thus in everything. The _first_ time a man enters a prison--the
+_first_ book an author writes--the _first_ painting an artist
+executes--the _first_ battle a general wins--nay, the _first_ time
+a rogue is hanged (for a rotten rope may provide a second performance,
+even of that ceremony, with all its singleness of character), differ
+inconceivably from their _first_ repetition. There is a charm, a spell,
+a novelty, a freshness, a delight, inseparable from the _first_
+experience (hanging always excepted, be it remembered), which no art or
+circumstance can impart to the _second_. And it is the same in all the
+darker traits of life. There is a degree of poignancy and anguish in the
+_first_ assaults of sorrow, which is never found afterwards. Ask the
+weeping widow, who, "like Niobe all tears," follows her fifth husband to
+the grave, and she will tell you that the _first_ time she performed
+that melancholy office, it was with at least five times more
+lamentations than when she last discharged it. In every case, it is
+simply that the _first_ fine edge of our feelings has been taken off,
+and that it can never be restored.
+
+Several years had elapsed, and our eleven friends kept up their double
+anniversaries, as they might aptly enough be called, with scarcely any
+perceptible change. But, alas! there came one dinner at last, which was
+darkened by a calamity they never expected to witness, for on that very
+day their friend, companion, brother almost, was hanged! Yes! Stephen
+Rowland, the wit, the oracle, the life of their little circle, had, on
+the morning of that day, forfeited his life upon a public scaffold, for
+having made one single stroke of his pen in a wrong place. In other
+words, a bill of exchange which passed _into_ his hands for £700 passed
+_out_ of them for £1700; he having drawn the important little prefix to
+the hundreds, and the bill being paid at the banker's without examining
+the words of it. The forgery was discovered,--brought home to
+Rowland,--and though the greatest interest was used to obtain a
+remission of the fatal penalty (the particular female favourite of the
+prime-minister himself interfering), poor Stephen Rowland was hanged.
+Everybody pitied him; and nobody could tell why he did it. He was not
+poor; he was not a gambler; he was not a speculator; but phrenology
+settled it. The organ of _acquisitiveness_ was discovered in his head,
+after his execution, as large as a pigeon's egg. He could not help it.
+
+It would be injustice to the ten to say, that even wine, friendship, and
+a merry season, could dispel the gloom which pervaded this dinner. It
+was agreed beforehand that they should not allude to the distressing and
+melancholy theme; and having thus interdicted the only thing which
+really occupied all their thoughts, the natural consequence was, that
+silent contemplation took the place of dismal discourse, and they
+separated long before midnight. An embarrassing restraint, indeed,
+pervaded the little conversation which grew up at intervals. The
+champagne was not in good order, but no one liked to complain of its
+being _ropy_. A beautiful painting of Vandyke which was in the room,
+became a topic of discussion. They who thought it was _hung_ in a bad
+place, shrunk from saying so; and not one ventured to speak of the
+_execution_ of that great master. Their host was having the front of
+his house repaired, and at any other time he would have cautioned them,
+when they went away, as the night was very dark, to take care of the
+_scaffold_; but no, they might have stumbled right and left before he
+would have pronounced that word, or told them not to _break their
+necks_. One, in particular, even abstained from using his customary
+phrase, "this is a _drop_ of good wine;" and another forbore to
+congratulate the friend who sat next him, and who had been married since
+he last saw him, because he was accustomed on such occasions to employ
+figurative language and talk of the holy _noose_ of wedlock.
+
+Some fifteen years had now glided away since the fate of poor Rowland,
+and the ten remained; but the stealing hand of time had written sundry
+changes in most legible characters. Raven locks had become grizzled--two
+or three heads had not as many locks altogether as may be reckoned in a
+walk of half a mile along the Regent's Canal--one was actually covered
+with a brown wig--the crow's-feet were visible in the corner of the
+eye--good old port and warm madeira carried it against hock, claret,
+red burgundy, and champagne--stews, hashes, and ragouts, grew into
+favour--crusts were rarely called for to relish the cheese after
+dinner--conversation was less boisterous, and it turned chiefly
+upon politics and the state of the funds, or the value of landed
+property--apologies were made for coming in thick shoes and warm
+stockings--the doors and windows were more carefully provided with list
+and sand-bags--the fire more in request--and a quiet game of whist
+filled up the hours that were wont to be devoted to drinking, singing,
+and riotous merriment. Two rubbers, a cup of coffee, and at home by
+eleven o'clock, was the usual cry, when the fifth or sixth glass had
+gone round after the removal of the cloth. At parting, too, there was
+now a long ceremony in the hall, buttoning up great-coats, tying on
+woollen comforters, fixing silk handkerchiefs over the mouth and up to
+the ears, and grasping sturdy walking-canes to support unsteady feet.
+
+Their fiftieth anniversary came, and death had indeed been busy. One had
+been killed by the overturning of the mail, in which he had taken his
+place in order to be present at the dinner, having purchased an estate
+in Monmouthshire, and retired thither with his family. Another had
+undergone the terrific operation for the stone, and expired beneath the
+knife--a third had yielded up a broken spirit two years after the loss
+of an only-surviving and beloved daughter--a fourth was carried off in a
+few days by a _cholera morbus_--a fifth had breathed his last the very
+morning he obtained a judgment in his favour by the Lord Chancellor,
+which had cost him his last shilling nearly to get, and which, after a
+litigation of eighteen years, declared him the rightful possessor of
+ten thousand a-year--ten minutes after he was no more. A sixth had
+perished by the hand of a midnight assassin, who broke into his house
+for plunder, and sacrificed the owner of it, as he grasped convulsively
+a bundle of Exchequer bills, which the robber was drawing from beneath
+his pillow, where he knew they were every night placed for better
+security.
+
+Four little old men, of withered appearance and decrepit walk, with
+cracked voices, and dim, rayless eyes, sat down, by the mercy of Heaven
+(as they themselves tremulously declared), to celebrate, for the
+fiftieth time, the first day of the year--to observe the frolic compact
+which, half a century before, they had entered into at the Star and
+Garter at Richmond! Eight were in their graves! The four that remained
+stood upon its confines. Yet they chirped cheerily over their glass,
+though they could scarcely carry it to their lips, if more than half
+full; and cracked their jokes, though they articulated their words with
+difficulty, and heard each other with still greater difficulty. They
+mumbled, they chattered, they laughed (if a sort of strangled wheezing
+might be called a laugh); and when the wines sent their icy blood in
+warmer pulse through their veins, they talked of their past as if it
+were but a yesterday that had slipped by them,--and of their future, as
+if it were a busy century that lay before them.
+
+They were just the number for a quiet rubber of whist; and for three
+successive years they sat down to one. The fourth came, and then their
+rubber was played with an open dummy; a fifth, and whist was no longer
+practicable; _two_ could play only at cribbage, and cribbage was the
+game. But it was little more than the mockery of play. Their palsied
+hands could hardly hold, or their fading sight distinguish, the cards,
+while their torpid faculties made them doze between each deal.
+
+At length came the LAST dinner; and the survivor of the twelve, upon
+whose head fourscore and ten winters had showered their snow, ate his
+solitary meal. It so chanced that it was in his house, and at his table,
+they had celebrated the first. In his cellar, too, had remained, for
+eight-and-fifty years, the bottle they had then uncorked, recorked, and
+which he was that day to uncork again. It stood beside him. With a
+feeble and reluctant grasp he took the "frail memorial" of a youthful
+vow; and for a moment memory was faithful to her office. She threw open
+the long vista of buried years; and his heart travelled through them
+all;--their lusty and blithesome spring--their bright and fervid
+summer--their ripe and temperate autumn--their chill, but not too frozen
+winter. He saw, as in a mirror, how, one by one, the laughing companions
+of that merry hour at Richmond, had dropped into eternity. He felt all
+the loneliness of his condition (for he had eschewed marriage, and in
+the veins of no living creature ran a drop of blood whose source was in
+his own); and as he drained the glass which he had filled, "to the
+memory of those who were gone," the tears slowly trickled down the deep
+furrows of his aged face.
+
+He had thus fulfilled one part of his vow, and he prepared himself to
+discharge the other, by sitting the usual number of hours at his
+desolate table. With a heavy heart he resigned himself to the gloom of
+his own thoughts--a lethargic sleep stole over him--his head fell upon
+his bosom--confused images crowded into his mind--he babbled to
+himself--was silent--and when his servant entered the room, alarmed by a
+noise which he heard, he found his master stretched upon the carpet at
+the foot of the easy-chair, out of which he had slipped in an apoplectic
+fit. He never spoke again, nor once opened his eyes, though the vital
+spark was not extinct till the following day. And this was the LAST
+DINNER.
+
+
+
+
+THE DUKE'S DILEMMA.
+
+A CHRONICLE OF NIESENSTEIN.
+
+[_MAGA._ SEPTEMBER 1853.]
+
+
+The close of the theatrical year, which in France occurs in early
+spring, annually brings to Paris a throng of actors and actresses, the
+disorganised elements of provincial companies, who repair to the capital
+to contract engagements for the new season. Paris is the grand centre to
+which all dramatic stars converge--the great bazaar where managers
+recruit their troops for the summer campaign. In bad weather the mart
+for this human merchandise is at an obscure coffee-house near the Rue St
+Honoré; when the sun shines, the place of meeting is in the garden of
+the Palais Royal. There, pacing to and fro beneath the lime-trees, the
+high contracting parties pursue their negotiations and make their
+bargains. It is the theatrical Exchange, the histrionic _Bourse_. There
+the conversation and the company are alike curious. Many are the strange
+discussions and original anecdotes that there are heard; many the odd
+figures there paraded. Tragedians, comedians, singers, men and women,
+young and old, flock thither in quest of fortune and a good engagement.
+The threadbare coats of some say little in favour of recent success or
+present prosperity; but only hear them speak, and you are at once
+convinced that _they_ have no need of broadcloth who are so amply
+covered with laurels. It is delightful to hear them talk of their
+triumphs, of the storms of applause, the rapturous bravos, the boundless
+enthusiasm, of the audiences they lately delighted. Their brows are
+oppressed with the weight of their bays. The south mourns their loss; if
+they go west, the north will be envious and inconsolable. As to
+themselves--north, south, east, or west--they care little to which point
+of the compass the breeze of their destiny may waft them. Thorough
+gypsies in their habits, accustomed to make the best of the passing
+hour, and to take small care for the future so long as the present is
+provided for, like soldiers they heed not the name of the town so long
+as the quarters be good.
+
+It was a fine morning in April. The sun shone brightly, and, amongst the
+numerous loungers in the garden of the Palais Royal were several groups
+of actors. The season was already far advanced; all the companies were
+formed, and those players who had not secured an engagement had but a
+poor chance of finding one. Their anxiety was legible upon their
+countenances. A man of about fifty years of age walked to and fro, a
+newspaper in his hand, and to him, when he passed near them, the actors
+bowed--respectfully and hopefully. A quick glance was his acknowledgment
+of their salutation, and then his eyes reverted to his paper, as if it
+deeply interested him. When he was out of hearing, the actors, who had
+assumed their most picturesque attitudes to attract his attention, and
+who beheld their labour lost, vented their ill-humour.
+
+"Balthasar is mighty proud," said one; "he has not a word to say to us."
+
+"Perhaps he does not want anybody," remarked another; "I think he has no
+theatre this year."
+
+"That would be odd. They say he is a clever manager."
+
+"He may best prove his cleverness by keeping aloof. It is so difficult
+nowadays to do good in the provinces. The public is so fastidious! the
+authorities are so shabby, so unwilling to put their hands in their
+pockets. Ah, my dear fellow, our art is sadly fallen!"
+
+Whilst the discontented actors bemoaned themselves, Balthasar eagerly
+accosted a young man who just then entered the garden by the passage of
+the Perron. The coffehouse-keepers had already begun to put out tables
+under the tender foliage. The two men sat down at one of them.
+
+"Well, Florival," said the manager, "does my offer suit you? Will you
+make one of us? I was glad to hear you had broken off with Ricardin.
+With your qualifications you ought to have an engagement in Paris, or at
+least at a first-rate provincial theatre. But you are young, and, as you
+know, managers prefer actors of greater experience and established
+reputation. Your parts are generally taken by youths of five-and-forty,
+with wrinkles and grey hairs, but well versed in the traditions of the
+stage--with damaged voices but an excellent style. My brother managers
+are greedy of great names; yours still has to become known--as yet, you
+have but your talent to recommend you. I will content myself with that;
+content yourself with what I offer you. Times are bad, the season is
+advanced, engagements are hard to find. Many of your comrades have gone
+to try their luck beyond seas. We have not so far to go; we shall
+scarcely overstep the boundary of our ungrateful country. Germany
+invites us; it is a pleasant land, and Rhine wine is not to be
+disdained. I will tell you how the thing came about. For many years past
+I have managed theatres in the eastern departments, in Alsatia and
+Lorraine. Last summer, having a little leisure, I made an excursion to
+Baden-Baden. As usual, it was crowded with fashionables. One rubbed
+shoulders with princes and trod upon highnesses' toes; one could not
+walk twenty yards without meeting a sovereign. All these crowned heads,
+kings, grand-dukes, electors, mingled easily and affably with the
+throng of visitors. Etiquette is banished from the baths of Baden,
+where, without laying aside their titles, great personages enjoy the
+liberty and advantages of an incognito. At the time of my visit, a
+company of very indifferent German actors were playing, two or three
+times a-week, in the little theatre. They played to empty benches, and
+must have starved but for the assistance afforded them by the directors
+of the gambling-tables. I often went to their performances, and, amongst
+the scanty spectators, I soon remarked one who was as assiduous as
+myself. A gentleman, very plainly dressed, but of agreeable countenance
+and aristocratic appearance, invariably occupied the same stall, and
+seemed to enjoy the performance, which proved that he was easily
+pleased. One night he addressed to me some remark with respect to the
+play then acting; we got into conversation on the subject of dramatic
+art; he saw that I was specially competent on that topic, and after the
+theatre he asked me to take refreshment with him. I accepted. At
+midnight we parted, and, as I was going home, I met a gambler whom I
+slightly knew. 'I congratulate you,' he said; 'you have friends in high
+places!' He alluded to the gentleman with whom I had passed the evening,
+and who I now learned was no less a personage than his Serene Highness
+Prince Leopold, sovereign ruler of the Grand Duchy of Niesenstein. I
+had had the honour of passing a whole evening in familiar intercourse
+with a crowned head. Next day, walking in the park, I met his highness.
+I made a low bow and kept at a respectful distance, but the Grand Duke
+came up to me and asked me to walk with him. Before accepting, I thought
+it right to inform him who I was. 'I guessed as much,' said the Prince.
+'From one or two things that last night escaped you, I made no doubt you
+were a theatrical manager.' And by a gesture he renewed his invitation
+to accompany him. In a long conversation he informed me of his intention
+to establish a French theatre in his capital, for the performance of
+comedy, drama, vaudeville, and comic operas. He was then building a
+large theatre, which would be ready by the end of the winter, and he
+offered me its management on very advantageous terms. I had no plans in
+France for the present year, and the offer was too good to be refused.
+The Grand Duke guaranteed my expenses and a gratuity, and there was a
+chance of very large profits. I hesitated not a moment; we exchanged
+promises, and the affair was concluded.
+
+"According to our agreement, I am to be at Karlstadt, the capital of the
+Grand Duchy of Niesenstein, in the first week in May. There is no time
+to lose. My company is almost complete, but there are still some
+important gaps to fill. Amongst others, I want a lover, a light
+comedian, and a first singer. I reckon upon you to fill these important
+posts."
+
+"I am quite willing," replied the actor, "but there is still an
+obstacle. You must know, my dear Balthasar, that I am deeply in
+love--seriously, this time--and I broke off with Ricardin solely because
+he would not engage her to whom I am attached."
+
+"Oho! she is an actress?"
+
+"Two years upon the stage; a lovely girl, full of grace and talent, and
+with a charming voice. The Opera Comique has not a singer to compare
+with her."
+
+"And she is disengaged?"
+
+"Yes, my dear fellow; strange though it seems, and by a combination of
+circumstances which it were tedious to detail, the fascinating Delia is
+still without an engagement. And I give you notice that henceforward I
+attach myself to her steps: where she goes, I go; I will perform upon no
+boards which she does not tread. I am determined to win her heart, and
+make her my wife."
+
+"Very good!" cried Balthasar, rising from his seat; "tell me the address
+of this prodigy: I run, I fly, I make every sacrifice; and we will start
+to-morrow."
+
+People were quite right in saying that Balthasar was a clever manager.
+None better knew how to deal with actors, often capricious and difficult
+to guide. He possessed skill, taste, and tact. One hour after the
+conversation in the garden of the Palais Royal, he had obtained the
+signatures of Delia and Florival, two excellent acquisitions, destined
+to do him infinite honour in Germany. That night his little company was
+complete, and the next day, after a good dinner, it started for
+Strasburg. It was composed as follows:
+
+    Balthasar, manager, was to play the old men, and take the heavy
+    business.
+
+    Florival was the leading man, the lover, and the first singer.
+
+    Rigolet was the low comedian, and took the parts usually played by
+    Arnal and Bouffé.
+
+    Similor was to perform the valets in Molière's comedies, and
+    eccentric low comedy characters.
+
+    Anselmo was the walking gentleman.
+
+    Lebel led the band.
+
+    Miss Delia was to display her charms and talents as prima donna, and
+    in genteel comedy.
+
+    Miss Foligny was the singing chambermaid.
+
+    Miss Alice was the walking lady, and made herself generally useful.
+
+    Finally, Madame Pastorale, the duenna of the company, was to perform
+    the old women, and look after the young ones.
+
+Although so few, the company trusted to atone by zeal and industry for
+numerical deficiency. It would be easy to find, in the capital of the
+Grand Duchy, persons capable of filling mute parts, and, in most plays,
+a few unimportant characters might be suppressed.
+
+The travellers reached Strasburg without adventure worthy of note. There
+Balthasar allowed them six-and-thirty hours' repose, and took advantage
+of the halt to write to the Grand Duke Leopold, and inform him of his
+approaching arrival; then they again started, crossed the Rhine at Kehl,
+and in thirty hours, after traversing several small German states,
+reached the frontier of the Grand Duchy of Niesenstein, and stopped at a
+little village called Krusthal. From this village to the capital the
+distance was only four leagues, but means of conveyance were wanting.
+There was but a single stagecoach on that line of road; it would not
+leave Krusthal for two days, and it held but six persons. No other
+vehicles were to be had; it was necessary to wait, and the necessity was
+anything but pleasant. The actors made wry faces at the prospect of
+passing forty-eight hours in a wretched village. The only persons who
+easily made up their minds to the wearisome delay were Delia and
+Florival. The first singer was desperately in love, and the prima donna
+was not insensible to his delicate attentions and tender discourse.
+
+Balthasar, the most impatient and persevering of all, went out to
+explore the village. In an hour's time he returned in triumph to his
+friends, in a light cart drawn by a strong horse. Unfortunately the
+cart held but two persons.
+
+"I will set out alone," said Balthasar. "On reaching Karlstadt, I will
+go to the Grand Duke, explain our position, and I have no doubt he will
+immediately send carriages to convey you to his capital."
+
+These consolatory words were received with loud cheers by the actors.
+The driver, a peasant lad, cracked his whip, and the stout Mecklenburg
+horse set out at a small trot. Upon the way, Balthasar questioned his
+guide as to the extent, resources, and prosperity of the Grand Duchy,
+but could obtain no satisfactory reply; the young peasant was profoundly
+ignorant upon all these subjects. The four leagues were got over in
+something less than three hours, which is rather rapid travelling for
+Germany. It was nearly dark when Balthasar entered Karlstadt. The shops
+were shut, and there were few persons in the streets; people are early
+in their habits in the happy lands on the Rhine's right bank. Presently
+the cart stopped before a good-sized house.
+
+"You told me to take you to our prince's palace," said the driver, "and
+here it is." Balthasar alighted and entered the dwelling, unchallenged
+and unimpeded by the sentry who paced lazily up and down in its front.
+In the entrance-hall the manager met a porter, who bowed gravely to him
+as he passed; he walked on and passed through an empty anteroom. In the
+first apartment, appropriated to gentlemen-in-waiting, aides-de-camp,
+equerries, and other dignitaries of various degree, he found nobody; in
+a second saloon, lighted by a dim and smoky lamp, was an old gentleman,
+dressed in black, with powdered hair, who rose slowly at his entrance,
+looked at him with surprise, and inquired his pleasure.
+
+"I wish to see his Serene Highness, the Grand Duke Leopold," replied
+Balthasar.
+
+"The prince does not grant audiences at this hour," the old gentleman
+dryly answered.
+
+"His Highness expects me," was the confident reply of Balthasar.
+
+"That is another thing. I will inquire if it be his Highness's pleasure
+to receive you. Whom shall I announce?"
+
+"The manager of the Court theatre."
+
+The gentleman bowed, and left Balthasar alone. The pertinacious manager
+already began to doubt the success of his audacity, when he heard the
+Grand Duke's voice, saying, "Show him in."
+
+He entered. The sovereign of Niesenstein was alone, seated in a large
+arm-chair, at a table covered with a green cloth, upon which were a
+confused medley of letters and newspapers, an inkstand, a tobacco-bag,
+two wax-lights, a sugar-basin, a sword, a plate, gloves, a bottle,
+books, and a goblet of Bohemian glass, artistically engraved. His
+Highness was engrossed in a thoroughly national occupation; he was
+smoking one of those long pipes which Germans rarely lay aside except to
+eat or to sleep.
+
+The manager of the Court theatre bowed thrice, as if he had been
+advancing to the foot-lights to address the public; then he stood still
+and silent, awaiting the prince's pleasure. But, although he said
+nothing, his countenance was so expressive that the Grand Duke answered
+him.
+
+"Yes," he said, "here you are. I recollect you perfectly, and I have not
+forgotten our agreement. But you come at a very unfortunate moment, my
+dear sir!"
+
+"I crave your Highness's pardon if I have chosen an improper hour to
+seek an audience," replied Balthasar with another bow.
+
+"It is not the hour that I am thinking of," answered the prince quickly.
+"Would that were all! See, here is your letter; I was just now reading
+it, and regretting that, instead of writing to me only three days ago,
+when you were half-way here, you had not done so two or three weeks
+before starting."
+
+"I did wrong."
+
+"More so than you think; for, had you sooner warned me, I would have
+spared you a useless journey."
+
+"Useless!" exclaimed Balthasar aghast. "Has your Highness changed your
+mind?"
+
+"Not at all; I am still passionately fond of the drama, and should be
+delighted to have a French theatre here. As far as that goes, my ideas
+and tastes are in no way altered since last summer; but, unfortunately,
+I am unable to satisfy them. Look here," continued the prince, rising
+from his arm-chair. He took Balthasar's arm and led him to a window: "I
+told you, last year, that I was building a magnificent theatre in my
+capital."
+
+"Your Highness did tell me so."
+
+"Well, look yonder, on the other side of the square; there the theatre
+is!"
+
+"Your Highness, I see nothing but an open space; a building commenced,
+and as yet scarcely risen above the foundation."
+
+"Precisely so; that is the theatre."
+
+"Your Highness told me it would be completed before the end of winter."
+
+"I did not then foresee that I should have to stop the works for want of
+cash to pay the workmen. Such is my present position. If I have no
+theatre ready to receive you, and if I cannot take you and your company
+into my pay, it is because I have not the means. The coffers of the
+State and my privy purse are alike empty. You are astounded!--Adversity
+respects nobody--not even Grand Dukes. But I support its assaults with
+philosophy: try to follow my example; and, by way of a beginning, take a
+chair and a pipe, fill yourself a glass of wine, and drink to the
+return of my prosperity. Since you suffer for my misfortunes, I owe you
+an explanation. Although I never had much order in my expenditure, I had
+every reason, at the time I first met with you, to believe my finances
+in a flourishing condition. It was not until the commencement of the
+present year that I discovered the contrary to be the case. Last year
+was a bad one; hail ruined our crops, and money was hard to get in. The
+salaries of my household were in arrear, and my officers murmured. For
+the first time I ordered a statement of my affairs to be laid before me,
+and I found that ever since my accession I had been exceeding my
+revenue. My first act of sovereignty had been a considerable diminution
+of the taxes paid to my predecessors. Hence the evil, which had annually
+augmented, and now I am ruined, loaded with debts, and without means of
+repairing the disaster. My privy-councillors certainly proposed a way;
+it was to double the taxes, raise extraordinary contributions--to
+squeeze my subjects, in short. A fine plan, indeed! to make the poor pay
+for my improvidence and disorder! Such things may occur in other States,
+but they shall not occur in mine. Justice before everything. I prefer
+enduring my difficulties to making my subjects suffer."
+
+"Excellent prince!" exclaimed Balthasar, touched by these generous
+sentiments. The Grand Duke smiled.
+
+"Do you turn flatterer?" he said. "Beware! it is an arduous post, and
+you will have none to help you. I have no longer wherewith to pay
+flatterers; my courtiers have fled. You have seen the emptiness of my
+anterooms; you met neither chamberlain nor equerry upon your entrance.
+All those gentlemen have given in their resignations. The civil and
+military officers of my house, secretaries, aides-de-camp, and others,
+left me, because I could no longer pay them their wages. I am alone; a
+few faithful and patient servants are all that remain, and the most
+important personage of my court is now honest Sigismund, my old
+valet-de-chambre."
+
+These last words were spoken in a melancholy tone, which pained
+Balthasar. The eyes of the honest manager glistened. The Grand Duke
+detected his sympathy.
+
+"Do not pity me," he said with a smile. "It is no sorrow to me to have
+got rid of a wearisome etiquette, and, at the same time, of a pack of
+spies and hypocrites, by whom I was formerly from morning till night
+beset."
+
+The cheerful frankness of the Grand Duke's manner forbade doubt of his
+sincerity. Balthasar congratulated him on his courage.
+
+"I need it more than you think!" replied Leopold, "and I cannot answer
+for having enough to support the blows that threaten me. The desertion
+of my courtiers would be nothing did I owe it only to the bad state of
+my finances: as soon as I found myself in funds again I could buy others
+or take back the old ones, and amuse myself by putting my foot upon
+their servile necks. Then they would be as humble as now they are
+insolent. But their defection is an omen of other dangers. As the
+diplomatists say, clouds are at the political horizon. Poverty alone
+would not have sufficed to clear my palace of men who are as greedy of
+honours as they are of money; they would have waited for better days;
+their vanity would have consoled their avarice. If they fled, it was
+because they felt the ground shake beneath their feet, and because they
+are in league with my enemies. I cannot shut my eyes to impending
+dangers. I am on bad terms with Austria; Metternich looks askance at me;
+at Vienna I am considered too liberal, too popular: they say that I set
+a bad example; they reproach me with cheap government, and with not
+making my subjects sufficiently feel the yoke. Thus do they accumulate
+pretexts for playing me a scurvy trick. One of my cousins, a colonel
+in the Austrian service, covets my Grand Duchy. Although I say _grand_,
+it is but ten leagues long and eight leagues broad: but such as it is,
+it suits me; I am accustomed to it, I have the habit of ruling it, and
+I should miss it were I deprived of it. My cousin has the audacity
+to dispute my incontestable rights; this is a mere pretext for
+litigation, but he has carried the case before the Aulic Council, and
+notwithstanding the excellence of my right I still may lose my cause,
+for I have no money wherewith to enlighten my judges. My enemies are
+powerful, treason surrounds me; they try to take advantage of my
+financial embarrassments, first to make me bankrupt and then to depose
+me. In this critical conjuncture, I should be only too delighted to have
+a company of players to divert my thoughts from my troubles--but I have
+neither theatre nor money. So it is impossible for me to keep you, my
+dear manager, and, believe me, I am as grieved at it as you can be.
+All I can do is to give you, out of the little I have left, a small
+indemnity to cover your travelling expenses and take you back to France.
+Come and see me to-morrow morning; we will settle this matter, and you
+shall take your leave."
+
+Balthasar's attention and sympathy had been so completely engrossed by
+the Grand Duke's misfortunes, and by his revelations of his political
+and financial difficulties, that his own troubles had quite gone out of
+his thoughts. When he quitted the palace they came back upon him like a
+thunder-cloud. How was he to satisfy the actors, whom he had brought two
+hundred leagues away from Paris? What could he say to them, how appease
+them? The unhappy manager passed a miserable night. At daybreak he rose
+and went out into the open air, to calm his agitation and seek a mode of
+extrication from his difficulties. During a two hours' walk he had
+abundant time to visit every corner of Karlstadt, and to admire the
+beauties of that celebrated capital. He found it an elegant town, with
+wide straight streets cutting completely across it, so that he could see
+through it at a glance. The houses were pretty and uniform, and the
+windows were provided with small indiscreet mirrors, which reflected the
+passers-by and transported the street into the drawing-room, so that the
+worthy Karlstadters could satisfy their curiosity without quitting their
+easy chairs. An innocent recreation, much affected by German burghers.
+As regarded trade and manufactures, the capital of the Grand Duchy of
+Niesenstein did not seem to be very much occupied with either. It was
+anything but a bustling city; luxury had made but little progress there;
+and its prosperity was due chiefly to the moderate desires and
+phlegmatic philosophy of its inhabitants.
+
+In such a country a company of actors had no chance of a livelihood.
+There is nothing for it but to return to France, thought Balthasar,
+after making the circuit of the city: then he looked at his watch, and,
+deeming the hour suitable, he took the road to the palace, which he
+entered with as little ceremony as upon the preceding evening. The
+faithful Sigismund, doing duty as gentleman-in-waiting, received him as
+an old acquaintance, and forthwith ushered him into the Grand Duke's
+presence. His Highness seemed more depressed than upon the previous day.
+He was pacing the room with long strides, his eyes cast down, his arms
+folded. In his hand he held papers, whose perusal it apparently was that
+had thus discomposed him. For some moments he said nothing; then he
+suddenly stopped before Balthasar.
+
+"You find me less calm," he said, "than I was last night. I have just
+received unpleasant news. I am heartily sick of these perpetual
+vexations, and gladly would I resign this poor sovereignty, this crown
+of thorns they seek to snatch from me, did not honour command me to
+maintain to the last my legitimate rights. Yes," vehemently exclaimed
+the Grand Duke, "at this moment a tranquil existence is all I covet, and
+I would willingly give up my Grand Duchy, my title, my crown, to live
+quietly at Paris, as a private gentleman, upon thirty thousand francs
+a-year."
+
+"I believe so, indeed!" cried Balthasar, who, in his wildest dreams of
+fortune, had never dared aspire so high. His artless exclamation made
+the prince smile. It needed but a trifle to dissipate his vexation, and
+to restore that upper current of easy good temper which habitually
+floated upon the surface of his character.
+
+"You think," he gaily cried, "that some, in my place, would be satisfied
+with less, and that thirty thousand francs a-year, with independence and
+the pleasures of Paris, compose a lot more enviable than the government
+of all the Grand Duchies in the world. My own experience tells me that
+you are right; for, ten years ago, when I was but hereditary prince, I
+passed six months at Paris, rich, independent, careless; and memory
+declares those to have been the happiest days of my life."
+
+"Well! if you were to sell all you have, could you not realise that
+fortune? Besides, the cousin, of whom you did me the honour to speak to
+me yesterday, would probably gladly insure you an income if you yielded
+him your place here. But will your Highness permit me to speak plainly?"
+
+"By all means."
+
+"The tranquil existence of a private gentleman would doubtless have many
+charms for you, and you say so in all sincerity of heart; but, upon the
+other hand, you set store by your crown, though you may not admit it to
+yourself. In a moment of annoyance it is easy to exaggerate the charms
+of tranquillity, and the pleasures of private life; but a throne,
+however rickety, is a seat which none willingly quit. That is my
+opinion, formed at the dramatic school: it is perhaps a reminiscence of
+some old part, but truth is sometimes found upon the stage. Since,
+therefore, all things considered, to stay where you are is that which
+best becomes you, you ought----But I crave your Highness's pardon, I am
+perhaps speaking too freely----"
+
+"Speak on, my dear manager, freely and fearlessly; I listen to you with
+pleasure. I ought, you were about to say?----"
+
+"Instead of abandoning yourself to despair and poetry, instead of
+contenting yourself with succumbing nobly, like some ancient Roman, you
+ought boldly to combat the peril. Circumstances are favourable; you have
+neither ministers nor state-councillors to mislead you, and embarrass
+your plans. Strong in your good right, and in your subjects' love, it is
+impossible you should not find means of retrieving your finances and
+strengthening your position."
+
+"There is but one means, and that is--a good marriage."
+
+"Excellent! I had not thought of it. You are a bachelor! A good marriage
+is salvation. It is thus that great houses, menaced with ruin, regain
+their former splendour. You must marry an heiress, the only daughter of
+some rich banker."
+
+"You forget--it would be derogatory. _I_ am free from such prejudices,
+but what would Austria say if I thus condescended? It would be another
+charge to bring against me. And then a banker's millions would not
+suffice; I must ally myself with a powerful family, whose influence
+will strengthen mine. Only a few days ago, I thought such an alliance
+within my grasp. A neighbouring prince, Maximilian of Hanau, who is in
+high favour at Vienna, has a sister to marry. The Princess Wilhelmina is
+young, handsome, amiable, and rich; I have already entered upon the
+preliminaries of a matrimonial negotiation, but two despatches, received
+this morning, destroy all my hopes. Hence the low spirits in which you
+find me."
+
+"Perhaps," said Balthasar, "your Highness too easily gives way to
+discouragement."
+
+"Judge for yourself. I have a rival, the Elector of Saxe-Tolpelhausen;
+his territories are less considerable than mine, but he is more solidly
+established in his little electorate than I am in my grand-duchy."
+
+"Pardon me, your Highness; I saw the Elector of Saxe-Tolpelhausen last
+year at Baden-Baden, and, without flattery, he cannot for an instant be
+compared with your Highness. You are hardly thirty, and he is more than
+forty; you have a good figure, he is heavy, clumsy, and ill-made; your
+countenance is noble and agreeable, his common and displeasing; your
+hair is light brown, his bright red. The Princess Wilhelmina is sure to
+prefer you."
+
+"Perhaps so, if she were asked; but she is in the power of her august
+brother, who will marry her to whom he pleases."
+
+"That must be prevented."
+
+"How?"
+
+"By winning the young lady's affections. Love has so many resources.
+Every day one sees marriages for money broken off, and replaced by
+marriages for love."
+
+"Yes, one sees that in plays----"
+
+"Which afford excellent lessons."
+
+"For people of a certain class, but not for princes."
+
+"Why not make the attempt? If I dared advise you, it would be to set out
+to-morrow, and pay a visit to the Prince of Hanau."
+
+"Unnecessary. To see the prince and his sister, I need not stir hence.
+One of these despatches announces their early arrival at Karlstadt. They
+are on their way hither. On their return from a journey into Prussia,
+they pass through my territories and pause in my capital, inviting
+themselves as my guests for two or three days. Their visit is my ruin.
+What will they think of me when they find me alone, deserted, in my
+empty palace? Do you suppose the Princess will be tempted to share my
+dismal solitude? Last year she went to Saxe-Tolpelhausen. The Elector
+entertained her well, and made his court agreeable. _He_ could place
+chamberlains and aides-de-camp at her orders, could give concerts,
+balls, and festivals. But I--what can _I_ do? What a humiliation! And,
+that no affront may be spared to me, my rival proposes negotiating his
+marriage at my own court! Nothing less, it seems, will satisfy him! He
+has just sent me an ambassador, Baron Pippinstir, deputed, he writes, to
+conclude a commercial treaty which will be extremely advantageous to me.
+The treaty is but a pretext. The Baron's true mission is to the Prince
+of Hanau. The meeting is skilfully contrived, for the secret and
+unostentatious conclusion of the matrimonial treaty. This is what I am
+condemned to witness! I must endure this outrage and mortification, and
+display, before the prince and his sister, my misery and poverty. I
+would do anything to avoid such shame!"
+
+"Means might, perhaps, be found," said Balthasar, after a moment's
+reflection.
+
+"Means? Speak, and whatever they be, I adopt them."
+
+"The plan is a bold one!" continued Balthasar, speaking half to the
+Grand Duke and half to himself, as if pondering and weighing a project.
+
+"No matter! I will risk everything."
+
+"You would like to conceal your real position, to re-people this palace,
+to have a court?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Do you think the courtiers who have deserted you would return?"
+
+"Never. Did I not tell you they are sold to my enemies?"
+
+"Could you not select others from the higher class of your subjects?"
+
+"Impossible! There are very few gentlemen amongst my subjects. Ah! if a
+court could be got up at a day's notice! though it were to be composed
+of the humblest citizens of Karlstadt----"
+
+"I have better than that to offer you."
+
+"_You_ have? And whom do you offer?" cried Duke Leopold, greatly
+astonished.
+
+"My actors."
+
+"What! you would have me make up a court of your actors?"
+
+"Yes, your Highness, and you could not do better. Observe that my actors
+are accustomed to play all manner of parts, and that they will be
+perfectly at their ease when performing those of noblemen and high
+officials. I answer for their talent, discretion, and probity. As soon
+as your illustrious guests have departed, and you no longer need their
+services, they shall resign their posts. Bear in mind that you have no
+other alternative. Time is short, danger at your door, hesitation is
+destruction."
+
+"But, if such a trick were discovered!----"
+
+"A mere supposition, a chimerical fear. On the other hand, if you do not
+run the risk I propose, your ruin is certain."
+
+The Grand Duke was easily persuaded. Careless and easy-going, he yet
+was not wanting in determination, nor in a certain love of hazardous
+enterprises. He remembered that fortune is said to favour the bold, and
+his desperate position increased his courage. With joyful intrepidity he
+accepted and adopted Balthasar's scheme.
+
+"Bravo!" cried the manager; "you shall have no cause to repent. You
+behold in me a sample of your future courtiers; and since honours and
+dignities are to be distributed, it is with me, if you please, that we
+will begin. In this request I act up to the spirit of my part. A
+courtier should always be asking for something, should lose no
+opportunity, and should profit by his rivals' absence to obtain the best
+place. I entreat your Highness to have the goodness to name me prime
+minister."
+
+"Granted!" gaily replied the prince. "Your Excellency may immediately
+enter upon your functions."
+
+"My Excellency will not fail to do so, and begins by requesting your
+signature to a few decrees I am about to draw up. But in the first
+place, your Highness must be so good as to answer two or three
+questions, that I may understand the position of affairs. A new-comer in
+a country, and a novice in a minister's office, has need of instruction.
+If it became necessary to enforce your commands, have you the means of
+so doing?"
+
+"Undoubtedly."
+
+"Your Highness has soldiers?"
+
+"A regiment."
+
+"How many men?"
+
+"One hundred and twenty, besides the musicians."
+
+"Are they obedient, devoted?"
+
+"Passive obedience, unbounded devotion; soldiers and officers would die
+for me to the last man."
+
+"It is their duty. Another question: Have you a prison in your
+dominions?"
+
+"Certainly."
+
+"I mean a good prison, strong and well-guarded, with thick walls, solid
+bars, stern and incorruptible jailors?"
+
+"I have every reason to believe that the Castle of Zwingenberg combines
+all those requisites. The fact is, I have made very little use of it;
+but it was built by a man who understood such matters--by my father's
+great-grandfather, Rudolph the Inflexible."
+
+"A fine surname for a sovereign! Your Inflexible ancestor, I am very
+sure, never lacked either cash or courtiers. Your Highness has perhaps
+done wrong to leave the state-prison untenanted. A prison requires to be
+inhabited, like any other building; and the first act of the authority
+with which you have been pleased to invest me, will be a salutary
+measure of incarceration. I presume the Castle of Zwingenberg will
+accommodate a score of prisoners?"
+
+"What! you are going to imprison twenty persons?"
+
+"More or less. I do not yet know the exact number of the persons who
+composed your late court. They it is whom I propose lodging within the
+lofty walls constructed by the Inflexible Rudolph. The measure is
+indispensable."
+
+"But it is illegal!"
+
+"I crave your Highness's pardon; you use a word I do not understand. It
+seems to me that, in every good German government, that which is
+absolutely necessary is necessarily legal. That is my policy. Moreover,
+as prime minister, I am responsible. What would you have more? It is
+plain that, if we leave your courtiers their liberty, it will be
+impossible to perform our comedy; they will betray us. Therefore the
+welfare of the state imperatively demands their imprisonment. Besides,
+you yourself have said that they are traitors, and therefore they
+deserve punishment. For your own safety's sake, for the success of your
+project--which will insure the happiness of your subjects--write the
+names, sign the order, and inflict upon the deserters the lenient
+chastisement of a week's captivity."
+
+The Grand Duke wrote the names and signed several orders, which were
+forthwith intrusted to the most active and determined officers of the
+regiment, with instructions to make the arrests at once, and to take
+their prisoners to the Castle of Zwingenberg, at three quarters of a
+league from Karlstadt.
+
+"All that now remains to be done is to send for your new court," said
+Balthasar. "Has your Highness carriages?"
+
+"Certainly! a berlin, a barouche, and a cabriolet."
+
+"And horses?"
+
+"Six draught and two saddle."
+
+"I take the barouche, the berlin, and four horses; I go to Krusthal, put
+my actors up to their parts, and bring them here this evening. We instal
+ourselves in the palace, and shall be at once at your Highness's
+orders."
+
+"Very good; but, before going, write an answer to Baron Pippinstir, who
+asks an audience."
+
+"Two lines, very dry and official, putting him off till to-morrow. We
+must be under arms to receive him.... Here is the note written, but how
+shall I sign it? The name of Balthasar is not very suitable to a German
+Excellency."
+
+"True, you must have another name, and a title; I create you Count
+Lipandorf."
+
+"Thanks, your Highness. I will bear the title nobly, and restore it to
+you faithfully, with my seals of office, when the comedy is played out."
+
+Count Lipandorf signed the letter, which Sigismund was ordered to take
+to Baron Pippinstir; then he started for Krusthal.
+
+Next morning, the Grand Duke Leopold held a levee, which was attended by
+all the officers of his new court. And as soon as he was dressed he
+received the ladies with infinite grace and affability.
+
+Ladies and officers were attired in their most elegant theatrical
+costumes; the Grand Duke appeared greatly satisfied with their bearing
+and manners. The first compliments over, there came a general
+distribution of titles and offices.
+
+The lover, Florival, was appointed aide-de-camp to the Grand Duke,
+colonel of hussars, and Count Reinsburg.
+
+Rigolet, the low comedian, was named grand chamberlain, and Baron
+Fidibus.
+
+Similor, who performed the valets, was master of the horse and Baron
+Kockemburg.
+
+Anselmo, walking gentleman, was promoted to be gentleman in waiting and
+Chevalier Grillenfanger.
+
+The leader of the band, Lebel, was appointed superintendant of the music
+and amusements of the court, with the title of Chevalier Arpeggio.
+
+The prima donna, Miss Delia, was created Countess of Rosenthal, an
+interesting orphan, whose dowry was to be the hereditary office of first
+lady of honour to the future Grand Duchess.
+
+Miss Foligny, the singing chambermaid, was appointed widow of a general
+and Baroness Allenzau.
+
+Miss Alice, walking lady, became Miss Fidibus, daughter of the
+chamberlain, and a rich heiress.
+
+Finally, the duenna, Madame Pastorale, was called to the responsible
+station of mistress of the robes and governess of the maids of honour,
+under the imposing title of Baroness Schicklick.
+
+The new dignitaries received decorations in proportion to their rank.
+Count Balthasar von Lipandorf, prime minister, had two stars and three
+grand crosses. The aide-de-camp, Florival von Reinsberg, fastened five
+crosses upon the breast of his hussar jacket.
+
+The parts duly distributed and learned, there was a rehearsal, which
+went off excellently well. The Grand Duke deigned to superintend the
+getting up of the piece, and to give the actors a few useful hints.
+
+Prince Maximilian of Hanau and his august sister were expected that
+evening. Time was precious. Pending their arrival, and by way of
+practising his court, the Grand Duke gave audience to the ambassador
+from Saxe-Tolpelhausen.
+
+Baron Pippinstir was ushered into the Hall of the Throne. He had asked
+permission to present his wife at the same time as his credentials, and
+that favour had been granted him.
+
+At sight of the diplomatist, the new courtiers, as yet unaccustomed to
+rigid decorum, had difficulty in keeping their countenances. The Baron
+was a man of fifty, prodigiously tall, singularly thin, abundantly
+powdered, with legs like hop-poles, clad in knee breeches and white silk
+stockings. A long slender pigtail danced upon his flexible back. He had
+a face like a bird of prey--little round eyes, a receding chin, and an
+enormous hooked nose. It was scarcely possible to look at him without
+laughing, especially when one saw him for the first time. His
+apple-green coat glittered with a profusion of embroidery. His chest
+being too narrow to admit of a horizontal development of his
+decorations, he wore them in two columns, extending from his collar to
+his waist. When he approached the Grand Duke, with a self-satisfied
+simper and a jaunty air, his sword by his side, his cocked hat under his
+arm, nothing was wanting to complete the caricature.
+
+The Baroness Pippinstir was a total contrast to her husband. She was a
+pretty little woman of five-and-twenty, as plump as a partridge, with a
+lively eye, a nice figure, and an engaging smile. There was mischief in
+her glance, seduction in her dimples, and the rose's tint upon her
+cheeks. Her dress was the only ridiculous thing about her. To come to
+court, the little Baroness had put on all the finery she could muster;
+she sailed into the hall under a cloud of ribbons, sparkling with jewels
+and fluttering with plumes--the loftiest of which, however, scarcely
+reached to the shoulder of her lanky spouse.
+
+Completely identifying himself with his part of prime minister,
+Balthasar, as soon as this oddly-assorted pair appeared, decided upon
+his plan of campaign. His natural penetration told him the diplomatist's
+weak point. He felt that the Baron, who was old and ugly, must be
+jealous of his wife, who was young and pretty. He was not mistaken.
+Pippinstir was as jealous as a tiger-cat. Recently married, the meagre
+diplomatist had not dared to leave his wife at Saxe-Tolpelhausen, for
+fear of accidents; he would not lose sight of her, and had brought her
+to Karlstadt in the arrogant belief that danger vanished in his
+presence.
+
+After exchanging a few diplomatic phrases with the ambassador, Balthasar
+took Colonel Florival aside and gave him secret instructions. The
+dashing officer passed his hand through his richly-curling locks,
+adjusted his splendid pelisse, and approached Baroness Pippinstir. The
+ambassadress received him graciously; the handsome colonel had already
+attracted her attention, and soon she was delighted with his wit and
+gallant speeches. Florival did not lack imagination, and his memory was
+stored with well-turned phrases and sentimental tirades, borrowed from
+stage-plays. He spoke half from inspiration, half from memory, and he
+was listened to with favour.
+
+The conversation was carried on in French--for the best of reasons.
+
+"It is the custom here," said the Grand Duke to the ambassador; "French
+is the only language spoken in this palace; it is a regulation I had
+some difficulty in enforcing, and I was at last obliged to decree that a
+heavy penalty should be paid for every German word spoken by a person
+attached to my court. That proved effectual, and you will not easily
+catch any of these ladies and gentlemen tripping. My prime minister,
+Count Balthasar von Lipandorf, is the only one who is permitted
+occasionally to speak his native language."
+
+Balthasar, who had long managed theatres in Alsace and Lorraine, spoke
+German like a Frankfort brewer.
+
+Meanwhile, Baron Pippinstir's uneasiness was extreme. Whilst his wife
+conversed in a low voice with the young and fascinating aide-de-camp,
+the pitiless prime minister held his arm tight, and explained at great
+length his views with respect to the famous commercial treaty. Caught in
+his own snare, the unlucky diplomatist was in agony; he fidgeted to get
+away, his countenance expressed grievous uneasiness, his lean legs were
+convulsively agitated. But in vain did he endeavour to abridge his
+torments; the remorseless Balthasar relinquished not his prey.
+
+Sigismund, promoted to be steward of the household, announced dinner.
+The ambassador and his lady had been invited to dine, as well as all the
+courtiers. The aide-de-camp was placed next to the Baroness, the Baron
+at the other end of the table. The torture was prolonged. Florival
+continued to whisper soft nonsense to the fair and well-pleased
+Pippinstir. The diplomatist could not eat.
+
+There was another person present whom Florival's flirtation annoyed, and
+that person was Delia, Countess of Rosenthal. After dinner, Balthasar,
+whom nothing escaped, took her aside.
+
+"You know very well," said the minister, "that he is only acting a part
+in a comedy. Should you feel hurt if he declared his love upon the
+stage, to one of your comrades? Here it is the same thing; all this is
+but a play; when the curtain falls, he will return to you."
+
+A courier announced that the Prince of Hanau and his sister were within
+a league of Karlstadt. The Grand Duke, attended by Count Reinsberg and
+some officers, went to meet them. It was dark when the illustrious
+guests reached the palace; they passed through the great saloon, where
+the whole court was assembled to receive them, and retired at once to
+their apartments.
+
+"The game is fairly begun," said the Grand Duke to his prime minister;
+"and now, may heaven help us!"
+
+"Fear nothing," replied Balthasar. "The glimpse I caught of Prince
+Maximilian's physiognomy satisfied me that everything will pass off
+perfectly well, and without exciting the least suspicion. As to Baron
+Pippinstir, he is already blind with jealousy, and Florival will give
+him so much to do, that he will have no time to attend to his master's
+business. Things look well."
+
+Next morning, the Prince and Princess of Hanau were welcomed, on
+awakening, by a serenade from the regimental band. The weather was
+beautiful; the Grand Duke proposed an excursion out of town; he was glad
+of an opportunity to show his guests the best features of his duchy--a
+delightful country, and many picturesque points of view, much prized and
+sketched by German landscape-painters. The proposal agreed to, the
+party set out, in carriages and on horseback, for the old Castle of
+Rauberzell--magnificent ruins, dating from the middle ages, and famous
+far and wide. At a short distance from the castle, which lifted its
+grey turrets upon the summit of a wooded hill, the Princess Wilhelmina
+expressed a wish to walk the remainder of the way. Everybody followed
+her example. The Grand Duke offered her his arm; the Prince gave his
+to the Countess Delia von Rosenthal; and, at a sign from Balthasar,
+Baroness Pastorale von Schicklick took possession of Baron Pippinstir;
+whilst the smiling Baroness accepted Florival's escort. The young people
+walked at a brisk pace. The unfortunate Baron would gladly have availed
+himself of his long legs to keep up with his coquettish wife; but the
+duenna, portly and ponderous, hung upon his arm, checked his ardour, and
+detained him in the rear. Respect for the mistress of the robes forbade
+rebellion or complaint.
+
+Amidst the ruins of the venerable castle, the distinguished party found
+a table spread with an elegant collation. It was an agreeable surprise,
+and the Grand Duke had all the credit of an idea suggested to him by his
+prime minister.
+
+The whole day was passed in rambling through the beautiful forest of
+Rauberzell. The Princess was charming; nothing could exceed the
+high-breeding of the courtiers, or the fascination and elegance of the
+ladies; and Prince Maximilian warmly congratulated the Grand Duke on
+having a court composed of such agreeable and accomplished persons.
+Baroness Pippinstir declared, in a moment of enthusiasm, that the court
+of Saxe-Tolpelhausen was not to compare with that of Niesenstein. She
+could hardly have said anything more completely at variance with the
+object of her husband's mission. The Baron was near fainting.
+
+Like not a few of her countrywomen, the Princess Wilhelmina had a strong
+predilection for Parisian fashions. She admired everything that came
+from France; she spoke French perfectly, and greatly approved the Grand
+Duke's decree, forbidding any other language to be spoken at his court.
+Moreover, there was nothing extraordinary in such a regulation; French
+is the language of all the northern courts. But she was greatly tickled
+at the notion of a fine being inflicted for a single German word. She
+amused herself by trying to catch some of the Grand Duke's courtiers
+transgressing in this respect. Her labour was completely lost.
+
+That evening, at the palace, when conversation began to languish, the
+Chevalier Arpeggio sat down to the piano, and the Countess Delia von
+Rosenthal sang an air out of the last new opera. The guests were
+enchanted with her performance. Prince Maximilian had been extremely
+attentive to the Countess during their excursion; the young actress's
+grace and beauty had captivated him, and the charm of her voice
+completed his subjugation. Passionately fond of music, every note she
+sang went to his very heart. When she had finished one song, he
+petitioned for another. The amiable prima donna sang a duet with the
+aide-de-camp Florival von Reinsberg, and then, being further entreated,
+a trio, in which Similor--master of the horse, barytone, and Baron von
+Kockemburg--took a part.
+
+Here our actors were at home, and their success was complete. Deviating
+from his usual reserve, Prince Maximilian did not disguise his delight;
+and the imprudent little Baroness Pippinstir declared that, with such a
+beautiful tenor voice, an aide-de-camp might aspire to anything. A
+cemetery on a wet day is a cheerful sight, compared to the Baron's
+countenance when he heard these words.
+
+Upon the morrow, a hunting-party was the order of the day. In the
+evening there was a dance. It had been proposed to invite the principal
+families of the metropolis of Niesenstein, but the Prince and Princess
+begged that the circle might not be increased.
+
+"We are four ladies," said the Princess, glancing at the prima donna,
+the singing chambermaid, and the walking lady, "it is enough for a
+quadrille."
+
+There was no lack of gentlemen. There was the Grand Duke, the
+aide-de-camp, the grand chamberlain, the master of the horse, the
+gentleman-in-waiting, and Prince Maximilian's aide-de-camp, Count Darius
+von Sturmhaube, who appeared greatly smitten by the charms of the
+widowed Baroness Allenzau.
+
+"I am sorry my court is not more numerous," said the Grand Duke, "but,
+within the last three days, I have been compelled to diminish it by
+one-half."
+
+"How so?" inquired Prince Maximilian.
+
+"A dozen courtiers," replied the Grand Duke Leopold, "whom I had loaded
+with favours, dared conspire against me, in favour of a certain cousin
+of mine at Vienna. I discovered the plot, and the plotters are now in
+the dungeons of my good fortress of Zwingenberg."
+
+"Well done!" cried the Prince; "I like such energy and vigour. And to
+think that people taxed you with weakness of character! How we princes
+are deceived and calumniated."
+
+The Grand Duke cast a grateful glance at Balthasar. That able minister
+by this time felt himself as much at his ease in his new office as if he
+had held it all his life; he even began to suspect that the government
+of a grand-duchy is a much easier matter than the management of a
+company of actors. Incessantly engrossed by his master's interests, he
+manoeuvred to bring about the marriage which was to give the Grand
+Duke happiness, wealth, and safety; but, notwithstanding his skill,
+notwithstanding the torments with which he had filled the jealous soul
+of Pippinstir, the ambassador devoted the scanty moments of repose his
+wife left him to furthering the object of his mission. The alliance with
+Saxe-Tolpelhausen was pleasing to Prince Maximilian; it offered him
+various advantages: the extinction of an old law-suit between the two
+states, the cession of a large extent of territory, and, finally, the
+commercial treaty, which the perfidious Baron had brought to the court
+of Niesenstein, with a view of concluding it in favour of the
+principality of Hanau. Invested with unlimited powers, the diplomatist
+was ready to insert in the contract almost any conditions Prince
+Maximilian chose to dictate to him.
+
+It is necessary here to remark that the Elector of Saxe-Tolpelhausen was
+desperately in love with the Princess Wilhelmina.
+
+It was evident that the Baron would carry the day, if the prime minister
+did not hit upon some scheme to destroy his credit or force him to
+retreat. Balthasar, fertile in expedients, was teaching Florival his
+part in the palace garden, when Prince Maximilian met him, and requested
+a moment's private conversation.
+
+"I am at your Highness's orders," respectfully replied the minister.
+
+"I will go straight to the point, Count Lipandorf," the Prince began. "I
+married my late wife, a princess of Hesse-Darmstadt, from political
+motives. She has left me three sons. I now intend to marry again; but
+this time I need not sacrifice myself to state considerations, and I am
+determined to consult my heart alone."
+
+"If your Highness does me the honour to consult _me_, I have merely to
+say that you are perfectly justified in acting as you propose. After
+once sacrificing himself to his people's happiness, a prince has surely
+a right to think a little of his own."
+
+"Exactly my opinion! Count, I will tell you a secret. I am in love with
+Miss von Rosenthal."
+
+"Miss Delia?"
+
+"Yes, sir; with Miss Delia, Countess of Rosenthal; and, what is more, I
+will tell you that _I know everything_."
+
+"What may it be that your Highness knows?"
+
+"I know who she is."
+
+"Ha!"
+
+"It was a great secret!"
+
+"And how came your Highness to discover it?"
+
+"The Grand Duke revealed it to me."
+
+"I might have guessed as much!"
+
+"He alone could do so, and I rejoice that I addressed myself directly to
+him. At first, when I questioned him concerning the young Countess's
+family, he ill concealed his embarrassment: her position struck me as
+strange; young, beautiful, and alone in the world, without relatives or
+guardians--all that seemed to me singular, if not suspicious. I
+trembled, as the possibility of an intrigue flashed upon me; but the
+Grand Duke, to dissipate my unfounded suspicion, told me all."
+
+"And what is your Highness's decision?... After such a revelation----"
+
+"It in no way changes my intentions. I shall marry the lady."
+
+"Marry her?... But no, your Highness jests."
+
+"Count Lipandorf, I never jest. What is there, then, so strange in my
+determination? The Grand Duke's father was romantic, and of a roving
+disposition; in the course of his life he contracted several left-handed
+alliances--Miss von Rosenthal is the issue of one of those unions. I
+care not for the illegitimacy of her birth; she is of noble blood of a
+princely race--that is all I require."
+
+"Yes," replied Balthasar, who had concealed his surprise and kept his
+countenance, as became an experienced statesman and consummate
+comedian--"Yes, I now understand; and I think as you do. Your Highness
+has the talent of bringing everybody over to your way of thinking."
+
+"The greatest piece of good fortune," continued the Prince, "is that the
+mother remained unknown: she is dead, and there is no trace of family on
+that side."
+
+"As your Highness says, it is very fortunate. And doubtless the Grand
+Duke is informed of your august intentions with respect to the proposed
+marriage?"
+
+"No; I have as yet said nothing either to him or to the Countess. I
+reckon upon you, my dear Count, to make my offer, to whose acceptance I
+trust there will not be the slightest obstacle. I give you the rest of
+the day to arrange everything. I will write to Miss von Rosenthal; I
+hope to receive from her own lips the assurance of my happiness, and I
+will beg her to bring me her answer herself, this evening, in the
+summer-house in the park. Lover-like, you see--a rendezvous, a
+mysterious interview! But come, Count Lipandorf, lose no time; a double
+tie shall bind me to your sovereign. We will sign, at one and the same
+time, my marriage-contract and his. On that condition alone will I grant
+him my sister's hand; otherwise I treat, this very evening, with the
+envoy from Saxe-Tolpelhausen."
+
+A quarter of an hour after Prince Maximilian had made this overture,
+Balthasar and Delia were closeted with the Grand Duke.
+
+What was to be done? The Prince of Hanau was noted for his obstinacy. He
+would have excellent reasons to oppose to all objections. To confess the
+deception that had been practised upon him was equivalent to a total and
+eternal rupture. But, upon the other hand, to leave him in his error,
+to suffer him to marry an actress! it was a serious matter. If ever he
+discovered the truth, it would be enough to raise the entire German
+Confederation against the Grand Duke of Niesenstein.
+
+"What is my prime minister's opinion?" asked the Grand Duke.
+
+"A prompt retreat. Delia must instantly quit the town; we will devise an
+explanation of her sudden departure."
+
+"Yes; and this evening Prince Maximilian will sign his sister's
+marriage-contract with the Elector of Saxe-Tolpelhausen. My opinion is,
+that we have advanced too far to retreat. If the prince ever discovers
+the truth, he will be the person most interested to conceal it. Besides,
+Miss Delia is an orphan--she has neither parents nor family. I adopt
+her--I acknowledge her as my sister."
+
+"Your Highness's goodness and condescension----" lisped the pretty prima
+donna.
+
+"You agree with me, do you not, Miss Delia?" continued the Grand Duke.
+"You are resolved to seize the good fortune thus offered, and to risk
+the consequences?"
+
+"Yes, your Highness."
+
+The ladies will make allowance for Delia's faithlessness to Florival.
+How few female heads would not be turned by the prospect of wearing a
+crown! The heart's voice is sometimes mute in presence of such brilliant
+temptations. Besides, was not Florival faithless? Who could say whither
+he might be led in the course of the tender scenes he acted with the
+Baroness Pippinstir? Prince Maximilian was neither young nor handsome,
+but he offered a throne. Not only an actress, but many a high-born dame,
+might possibly, in such circumstances, forget her love, and think only
+of her ambition.
+
+To her credit be it said, Delia did not yield without some reluctance to
+the Grand Duke's arguments, which Balthasar backed with all his
+eloquence; but she ended by agreeing to the interview with Prince
+Maximilian.
+
+"I accept," she resolutely exclaimed; "I shall be sovereign Princess of
+Hanau."
+
+"And I," cried the Grand Duke, "shall marry Princess Wilhelmina, and,
+this very evening, poor Pippinstir, disconcerted and defeated, will go
+back to Saxe-Tolpelhausen."
+
+"He would have done that in any case," said Balthasar; "for, this
+evening, Florival was to have run away with his wife."
+
+"That is carrying things rather far," Delia remarked.
+
+"Such a scandal is unnecessary," added the Grand Duke.
+
+Whilst awaiting the hour of her rendezvous with the Prince, Delia,
+pensive and agitated, was walking in the park, when she came suddenly
+upon Florival, who seemed as much discomposed as herself. In spite of
+her newly-born ideas of grandeur, she felt a pain at her heart. With a
+forced smile, and in a tone of reproach and irony, she greeted her
+former lover.
+
+"A pleasant journey to you, Colonel Florival," she said.
+
+"I may wish you the same," replied Florival; "for doubtless you will
+soon set out for the principality of Hanau!"
+
+"Before long, no doubt."
+
+"You admit it, then?"
+
+"Where is the harm? The wife must follow her husband--a princess must
+reign in her dominions."
+
+"Princess! What do you mean? Wife! In what ridiculous promises have they
+induced you to confide?"
+
+Florival's offensive doubts were dissipated by the formal explanation
+which Delia took malicious pleasure in giving him. A touching scene
+ensued; the lovers, who had both gone astray for a moment, felt their
+former flame burn all the more ardently for its partial and temporary
+extinction. Pardon was mutually asked and granted, and ambitious dreams
+fled before a burst of affection.
+
+"You shall see whether I love you or not," said Florival to Delia.
+"Yonder comes Baron Pippinstir; I will take him into the summer-house; a
+closet is there, where you can hide yourself to hear what passes, and
+then you shall decide my fate."
+
+Delia went into the summer-house, and hid herself in the closet. There
+she overheard the following conversation:--
+
+"What have you to say to me, Colonel?" asked the Baron.
+
+"I wish to speak to your Excellency of an affair that deeply concerns
+you."
+
+"I am all attention; but I beg you to be brief; I am expected
+elsewhere."
+
+"So am I."
+
+"I must go to the prime minister, to return him this draught of a
+commercial treaty, which I cannot accept."
+
+"And I must go to the rendezvous given me in this letter."
+
+"The Baroness's writing!"
+
+"Yes, Baron. Your wife has done me the honour to write to me. We set out
+together to-night; the Baroness is waiting for me in a post-chaise."
+
+"And it is to me you dare acknowledge this abominable project?"
+
+"I am less generous than you think. You cannot but be aware that, owing
+to an irregularity in your marriage-contract, nothing would be easier
+than to get it annulled. This we will have done; we then obtain a
+divorce, and I marry the Baroness. You will, of course, have to hand me
+over her dowry--a million of florins--composing, if I do not mistake,
+your entire fortune."
+
+The Baron, more dead than alive, sank into an arm-chair. He was struck
+speechless.
+
+"We might, perhaps, make some arrangement, Baron," continued Florival.
+"I am not particularly bent upon becoming your wife's second husband."
+
+"Ah, sir!" cried the ambassador, "you restore me to life!"
+
+"Yes, but I will not restore you the Baroness, except on certain
+conditions."
+
+"Speak! What do you demand?"
+
+"First, that treaty of commerce, which you must sign just as Count
+Lipandorf has drawn it up."
+
+"I consent to do so."
+
+"That is not all; you shall take my place at the rendezvous, get into
+the post-chaise, and run away with your wife; but first you must sit
+down at this table and write a letter, in due diplomatic form, to Prince
+Maximilian, informing him that, finding it impossible to accept his
+stipulations, you are compelled to decline, in your sovereign's name,
+the honour of his august alliance."
+
+"But, Colonel, remember that my instructions----"
+
+"Very well, fulfil them exactly; be a dutiful ambassador and a miserable
+husband, ruined, without wife and without dowry. You will never have
+such another chance, Baron! A pretty wife and a million of florins do
+not fall to a man's lot twice in his life. But I must take my leave of
+you. I am keeping the Baroness waiting."
+
+"I will go to her.... Give me paper, a pen, and be so good as to
+dictate. I am so agitated----"
+
+The Baron really was in a dreadful fluster. The letter written, and the
+treaty signed, Florival told his Excellency where he would find the
+post-chaise.
+
+"One thing more you must promise me," said the young man, "and that is,
+that you will behave like a gentleman to your wife, and not scold her
+over-much. Remember the flaw in the contract. She may find somebody else
+in whose favour to cancel the document. Suitors will not be wanting."
+
+"What need of a promise?" replied the poor Baron. "You know very well
+that my wife does what she likes with me. I shall have to explain my
+conduct, and ask her pardon."
+
+Pippinstir departed. Delia left her hiding-place, and held out her hand
+to Florival.
+
+"You have behaved well," she said.
+
+"That is more than the Baroness will say."
+
+"She deserves the lesson. It is your turn to go into the closet and
+listen; the Prince will be here directly."
+
+"I hear his footsteps." And Florival was quickly concealed.
+
+"Charming Countess!" said the prince on entering. "I come to know my
+fate."
+
+"What does your Highness mean?" said Delia, pretending not to understand
+him.
+
+"How can you ask? Has not the Grand Duke spoken to you?"
+
+"No, your Highness."
+
+"Nor the prime minister?"
+
+"Not a word. When I received your letter, I was on the point of asking
+you for a private interview. I have a favour--a service--to implore of
+your Highness."
+
+"It is granted before it is asked. I place my whole influence and power
+at your feet, charming Countess."
+
+"A thousand thanks, illustrious prince. You have already shown me so
+much kindness, that I venture to ask you to make a communication to my
+brother, the Grand Duke, which I dare not make myself. I want you to
+inform him that I have been for three months privately married to Count
+Reinsberg."
+
+"Good heavens!" cried Maximilian, falling into the arm-chair in which
+Pippinstir had recently reclined. On recovering from the shock, the
+prince rose again to his feet.
+
+"'Tis well, madam," he said, in a faint voice. "'Tis well!"
+
+And he left the summer-house.
+
+After reading Baron Pippinstir's letter, Prince Maximilian fell
+a-thinking. It was not the Grand Duke's fault if the Countess
+of Rosenthal did not ascend the throne of Hanau. There was an
+insurmountable obstacle. Then the precipitate departure of the
+ambassador of Saxe-Tolpelhausen was an affront which demanded instant
+vengeance. And the Grand Duke Leopold was a most estimable sovereign,
+skilful, energetic, and blessed with wise councillors; the Princess
+Wilhelmina liked him, and thought nothing could compare, for
+pleasantness, with his lively court, where all the men were amiable,
+and all the women charming. These various motives duly weighed, the
+Prince made up his mind, and next day was signed the marriage-contract
+of the Grand Duke of Niesenstein and the Princess Wilhelmina of Hanau.
+
+Three days later the marriage itself was celebrated.
+
+The play was played out.
+
+The actors had performed their parts with wit, intelligence, and a noble
+disinterestedness. They took their leave of the Grand Duke, leaving him
+with a rich and pretty wife, a powerful brother-in-law, a serviceable
+alliance, and a commercial treaty which could not fail to replenish his
+treasury.
+
+Embassies, special missions, banishment, were alleged to the Grand
+Duchess as the causes of their departure. Then an amnesty was published
+on the occasion of the marriage; the gates of the fortress of
+Zwingenberg opened, and the former courtiers resumed their respective
+posts.
+
+The reviving fortunes of the Grand Duke were a sure guarantee of their
+fidelity.
+
+
+
+
+THE OLD GENTLEMAN'S TEETOTUM.
+
+[_MAGA._ AUGUST 1829.]
+
+
+At the foot of the long range of the Mendip hills, standeth a village,
+which, for obvious reasons, we shall conceal the precise locality of, by
+bestowing thereon the appellation of Stockwell. It lieth in a nook, or
+indentation, of the mountain; and its population may be said, in more
+than one sense of the word, to be extremely dense, being confined within
+narrow limits by rocky and sterile ground, and a brawling stream, which
+ever and anon assumes the aspect of an impetuous river, and then
+dwindles away into a plaything for the little boys to hop over. The
+principal trade of the Stockwellites is in coals, which certain of the
+industrious operative natives sedulously employ themselves in extracting
+from our mother earth, while others are engaged in conveying the "black
+diamonds" to various adjacent towns, in carts of sundry shapes and
+dimensions. The horses engaged in this traffic are of the Rosinante
+species, and, too often, literally raw-boned; insomuch, that it is
+sometimes a grievous sight to see them tugging, and a woful thing to
+hear their masters swearing, when mounting a steep ascent with one of
+the aforesaid loads.
+
+Wherever a civilised people dwell, there must be trade; and,
+consequently, Stockwell hath its various artisans, who ply, each in his
+vocation, to supply the wants of others; and, moreover, it hath its inn,
+or public house, a place of no small importance, having for its sign a
+swinging creaking board, whereon is emblazoned the effigy of a roaring,
+red, and rampant Lion. High towering above the said Lion, are the
+branches of a solitary elm, the foot of which is encircled by a seat,
+especially convenient for those guests whose taste it is to "blow a
+cloud" in the open air; and it is of two individuals, who were much
+given thereon to enjoy their "_otium cum dignitate_," that we are about
+to speak.
+
+George Syms had long enjoyed a monopoly in the shoemaking and cobbling
+line (though latterly two oppositionists had started against him), and
+Peter Brown was a man well to do in the world, being "the man wot" shod
+the raw-boned horses before mentioned, "him and his father, and
+grandfather," as the parish-clerk said, "for time immemorial." These two
+worthies were regaling themselves, as was their wonted custom, each with
+his pint, upon a small table, which was placed, for their accommodation,
+before the said bench. It was a fine evening in the last autumn; and we
+could say a great deal about the beautiful tints which the beams of the
+setting sun shed upon the hills' side, and undulating distant outline,
+and how the clouds appeared of a fiery red, and, anon, of a pale yellow,
+had we leisure for description; but neither George Syms nor Peter Brown
+heeded these matters, and our present business is with them.
+
+They had discussed all the village news--the last half of the last pipe
+had been puffed in silence, and they were reduced to the dilemma wherein
+many a brace of intimate friends have found themselves--they had nothing
+to talk about. Each had observed three times that it was very hot, and
+each had responded three times--"Yes, it is." They were at a perfect
+stand-still--they shook out the ashes from their pipes, and yawned
+simultaneously. They felt that indulgence, however grateful, is apt to
+cloy, even under the elm-tree, and the red rampant lion. But, as Doctor
+Watts says,
+
+     "Satan finds some mischief still,
+     For idle hands to do,"
+
+and they agreed to have "another pint," which Sally, who was ever ready
+at their bidding, brought forthwith, and then they endeavoured to rally;
+but the effort was vain--the thread of conversation was broken, and they
+could not connect it, and so they sipped and yawned, till Peter Brown
+observed, "It is getting dark."--"Ay," replied George Syms.
+
+At this moment an elderly stranger, of a shabby-genteel appearance,
+approached the Lion, and inquired the road to an adjoining village.
+"You are late, sir," said George Syms.--"Yes," replied the stranger,
+"I am;" and he threw himself on the bench, and took off his hat, and
+wiped his forehead, and observed, that it was very sultry, and he was
+quite tired.--"This is a good house," said Peter Brown; "and if you
+are not obliged to go on, I wouldn't if I were you."--"It makes
+little difference to me," replied the stranger; "and so, as I find
+myself in good company, here goes!" and he began to call about him,
+notwithstanding his shabby appearance, with the air of one who has money
+in his pocket to pay his way.--"Three make good company," observed Peter
+Brown.--"Ay, ay," said the stranger. "Holla there! bring me another
+pint! This walk has made me confoundedly thirsty. You may as well make
+it a pot--and be quick!"
+
+Messrs Brown and Syms were greatly pleased with this additional guest
+at their symposium; and the trio sat and talked of the wind, and the
+weather, and the roads, and the coal trade, and drank and smoked to
+their hearts' content, till again time began to hang heavy, and then the
+stranger asked the two friends, if ever they played at teetotum.--"Play
+at what?" asked Peter Brown.--"Play at what?" inquired George Syms.--"At
+tee-to-tum," replied the stranger, gravely taking a pair of spectacles
+from one pocket of his waistcoat, and the machine in question from the
+other. "It is an excellent game, I assure you. Rare sport, my masters!"
+and he forthwith began to spin his teetotum upon the table, to the no
+small diversion of George Syms and Peter Brown, who opined that the
+potent ale of the ramping Red Lion had done its office. "Only see how
+the little fellow runs about!" cried the stranger, in apparent ecstasy.
+"Holla, there! Bring a lantern! There he goes, round and round--and now
+he's asleep--and now he begins to reel--wiggle waggle--down he tumbles!
+What colour, for a shilling?"--"I don't understand the game," said Peter
+Brown.--"Nor I, neither," quoth George Syms; "but it seems easy enough
+to learn."--"Oh, ho!" said the stranger; "you think so, do you? But,
+let me tell you, that there's a great deal more in it than you imagine.
+There he is, you see, with as many sides as a modern politician, and as
+many colours as an Algerine. Come, let us have a game! This is the way!"
+and he again set the teetotum in motion, and capered about in exceeding
+glee.--"He, he, he!" uttered George Syms; and "Ha, ha, ha!" exclaimed
+Peter Brown; and, being wonderfully tickled with the oddity of the
+thing, they were easily persuaded by the stranger just to take a game
+together for five minutes, while he stood by as umpire, with a
+stop-watch in his hand.
+
+Nothing can be much easier than spinning a teetotum, yet our two
+Stockwellites could scarcely manage the thing for laughing; but the
+stranger stood by, with spectacles on nose, looking alternately at his
+watch and the table, with as much serious interest as though he had been
+witnessing, and was bound to furnish, a report of a prize-fight, or a
+debate in the House of Commons.
+
+When precisely five minutes had elapsed, although it was Peter Brown's
+spin, and the teetotum was yet going its rounds, and George Syms had
+called out yellow, the old gentleman demurely took it from the table and
+put it in his pocket; and then, returning his watch to his fob, walked
+away into the Red Lion, without saying so much as good-night. The two
+friends looked at each other in surprise, and then indulged in a very
+loud and hearty fit of laughter; and then paid their reckoning, and went
+away, exceedingly merry, which they would not have been, had they
+understood properly what they had been doing.
+
+In the meanwhile the stranger had entered the house, and began to be
+"very funny" with Mrs Philpot, the landlady of the Red Lion, and Sally,
+the purveyor of beer to the guests thereof; and he found it not very
+difficult to persuade them likewise to take a game at teetotum for five
+minutes, which he terminated in the same unceremonious way as that under
+the tree, and then desired to be shown the room wherein he was to sleep.
+Mrs Philpot immediately, contrary to her usual custom, jumped up with
+great alacrity, lighted a candle, and conducted her guest to his
+apartment; while Sally, contrary to _her_ usual custom, reclined herself
+in her mistress's great arm-chair, yawned three or four times, and then
+exclaimed, "Heigho! it's getting very late! I wish my husband would come
+home!"
+
+Now, although we have a very mean opinion of those who cannot keep a
+secret of importance, we are not fond of useless mysteries, and
+therefore think proper to tell the reader that the teetotum in question
+had the peculiar property of causing those who played therewith to lose
+all remembrance of their former character, and to adopt that of their
+antagonists in the game. During the process of spinning, the personal
+identity of the two players was completely changed. Now, on the evening
+of this memorable day, Jacob Philpot, the landlord of the rampant Red
+Lion, had spent a few convivial hours with mine host of the Blue Boar,
+a house on the road-side, about two miles from Stockwell; and the two
+publicans had discussed the ale, grog, and tobacco in the manner
+customary with Britons, whose insignia are roaring rampant red lions,
+green dragons, blue boars, &c. Therefore, when Jacob came home, he began
+to call about him, with the air of one who purposeth that his arrival
+shall be no secret; and very agreeably surprised was he when Mrs Philpot
+ran out from the house, and assisted him to dismount, for Jacob was
+somewhat rotund; and yet more did he marvel when, instead of haranguing
+him in a loud voice (as she had whilom done on similar occasions,
+greatly to his discomfiture), she good-humouredly said that she would
+lead his nag to the stable, and then go and call Philip the ostler.
+"Humph!" said the host of the Lion, leaning with his back against
+the door-post, "after a calm comes a storm. She'll make up for this
+presently, I'll warrant." But Mrs Philpot put up the horse, and called
+Philip, and then returned in peace and quietness, and attempted to pass
+into the house, without uttering a word to her lord and master.
+
+"What's the matter with you, my dear?" asked Jacob Philpot; "a'n't you
+well?"--"Yes, sir," replied Mrs Philpot, "very well, I thank you. But
+pray take away your leg, and let me go into the house."--"But didn't you
+think I was very late?" asked Jacob.--"Oh! I don't know," replied Mrs
+Philpot; "when gentlemen get together, they don't think how time goes."
+Poor Jacob was quite delighted, and, as it was dusk, and by no means, as
+he conceived, a scandalous proceeding, he forthwith put one arm round
+Mrs Philpot's neck, and stole a kiss, whereat she said, "Oh dear me! how
+could you think of doing such a thing?" and immediately squeezed herself
+past him, and ran into the house, where Sally sat, in the arm-chair
+before mentioned, with a handkerchief over her head, pretending to be
+asleep.
+
+"Come, my dear," said Jacob to his wife, "I'm glad to see you in such
+good-humour. You shall make me a glass of rum and water, and take some
+of it yourself."--"I must go into the back kitchen for some water,
+then," replied his wife, and away she ran, and Jacob followed her,
+marvelling still more at her unusual alacrity. "My dear," quoth he, "I
+am sorry to give you so much trouble," and again he put his arm round
+her neck. "La, sir!" she cried, "if you don't let me go, I'll call out,
+I declare."--"He, he--ha, ha!" said Jacob; "call out! that's a good one,
+however! a man's wife calling out because her husband's a-going to kiss
+her!"--"What do you mean?" asked Mrs Philpot; "I'm sure it's a shame to
+use a poor girl so!"--"A poor girl!" exclaimed the landlord, "ahem! was
+once, mayhap."--"I don't value your insinivations _that_," said Mrs
+Philpot, snapping her fingers; "I wonder what you take me for!"--"So
+ho!" thought her spouse, "she's come to herself now; I thought it was
+all a sham; but I'll coax her a bit;" so he fell in with her apparent
+whim, and called her a good girl; but still she resisted his advances,
+and asked him what he took her for. "Take you for!" cried Jacob, "why,
+for my own dear Sally to be sure, so don't make any more fuss."--"I have
+a great mind to run out of the house," said she, "and never enter it
+any more."
+
+This threat gave no sort of alarm to Jacob, but it somewhat tickled his
+fancy, and he indulged himself in a very hearty laugh, at the end of
+which he good-humouredly told her to go to bed, and he would follow her
+presently, as soon as he had looked after his horse, and pulled off his
+boots. This proposition was no sooner made, than the good man's ears
+were suddenly grasped from behind, and his head was shaken and twisted
+about, as though it had been the purpose of the assailant to wrench it
+from his shoulders. Mrs Philpot instantly made her escape from the
+kitchen, leaving her spouse in the hands of the enraged Sally, who,
+under the influence of the teetotum delusion, was firmly persuaded that
+she was justly inflicting wholesome discipline upon her husband, whom
+she had, as she conceived, caught in the act of making love to the maid.
+Sally was active and strong, and Jacob Philpot was, as before hinted,
+somewhat obese, and, withal, not in excellent "wind;" consequently it
+was some time ere he could disengage himself; and then he stood panting
+and blowing, and utterly lost in astonishment, while Sally saluted him
+with divers appellations, which it would not be seemly here to set down.
+
+When Jacob did find his tongue, however, he answered her much in the
+same style; and added, that he had a great mind to lay a stick about
+her back. "What! strike a woman! Eh--would you, you coward?" and
+immediately she darted forward, and, as she termed it, put her mark upon
+him with her nails, whereby his rubicund countenance was greatly
+disfigured, and his patience entirely exhausted: but Sally was too
+nimble, and made her escape up-stairs. So the landlord of the Red Lion,
+having got rid of the two mad or drunken women, very philosophically
+resolved to sit down for half an hour by himself, to think over the
+business, while he took his "night-cap." He had scarcely brewed the
+ingredients, when he was roused by a rap at the window; and, in answer
+to his inquiry of "who's there?" he recognised the voice of his
+neighbour, George Syms, and, of course, immediately admitted him; for
+George was a good customer, and, consequently, welcome at all hours. "My
+good friend," said Syms, "I daresay you are surprised to see me here at
+this time of night; but I can't get into my own house. My wife is drunk,
+I believe."--"And so is mine," quoth the landlord; "so, sit you down and
+make yourself comfortable. Hang me if I think I'll go to bed to-night!"
+"No more will I," said Syms; "I've got a job to do early in the morning,
+and then I shall be ready for it." So the two friends sat down, and had
+scarcely begun to enjoy themselves, when another rap was heard at the
+window, and mine host recognised the voice of Peter Brown, who came
+with the same complaint against his wife, and was easily persuaded to
+join the party, each declaring that the women must have contrived to
+meet, during their absence from home, and all get fuddled together.
+Matters went on pleasantly enough for some time, while they continued to
+rail against the women; but, when that subject was exhausted, George
+Syms, the shoemaker, began to talk about shoeing horses; and Peter
+Brown, the blacksmith, averred that he could make a pair of jockey boots
+with any man for fifty miles round. The host of the rampant Red Lion
+considered these things at first as a sort of joke, which he had no
+doubt, from such good customers, was exceedingly good, though he could
+not exactly comprehend it; but when Peter Brown answered to the name of
+George Syms, and George Syms responded to that of Peter Brown, he was
+somewhat more bewildered, and could not help thinking that his guests
+had drunk quite enough. He, however, satisfied himself with the
+reflection that that was no business of his, and that "a man must live
+by his trade." With the exception of these apparent occasional cross
+purposes, conversation went on as well as could be expected under
+existing circumstances; and the three unfortunate husbands sat and
+talked, and drank, and smoked, till tired nature cried, "Hold, enough!"
+
+In the meanwhile, Mrs George Syms, who had been much scandalised at the
+appearance of Peter Brown beneath her bedroom window, whereinto he
+vehemently solicited admittance, altogether in the most public and
+unblushing manner; she, poor soul! lay for an hour much disturbed in her
+mind, and pondering on the extreme impropriety of Mr Brown's conduct,
+and its probable consequences. She then began to wonder where her own
+goodman could be staying so late; and after much tossing and tumbling to
+and fro, being withal a woman of a warm imagination, she discerned in
+her mind's eye divers scenes which might probably be then acting, and in
+which George Syms appeared to be taking a part that did not at all meet
+her approbation. Accordingly she arose, and throwing her garments about
+her with a degree of elegant negligence for which the ladies of
+Stockwell have long been celebrated, she incontinently went to the house
+of Peter Brown, at whose bedroom window she perceived a head. With the
+intuitive knowledge of costume possessed by ladies in general, she
+instantly, through the murky night, discovered that the cap on the said
+head was of the female gender; and therefore boldly went up thereunto
+and said, "Mrs Brown, have you seen anything of my husband?"--"What!"
+exclaimed Mrs Brown, "haven't _you_ seen him? Well, I'd have you see
+after him pretty quickly, for he was here, just where you stand now,
+more than two hours ago, talking all manner of nonsense to me, and
+calling me his dear Betsy, so that I was quite ashamed of him! But,
+howsomever, you needn't be uneasy about me, for you know I wouldn't do
+anything improper on no account. But have you seen anything of my
+Peter?"--"I _believe_ I have," replied Mrs Syms, and immediately related
+the scandalous conduct of the smith beneath her window; and then the two
+ladies agreed to sally forth in search of their two "worthless,
+good-for-nothing, drunken husbands."
+
+Now it is a custom with those who get their living by carrying coal,
+when they are about to convey it to any considerable distance, to
+commence their journey at such an hour as to reach the first turnpike a
+little after midnight, that they may be enabled to go out and return
+home within the twenty-four hours, and thus save the expense of the
+toll, which they would otherwise have to pay twice. This is the secret
+of those apparently lazy fellows whom the Bath ladies and dandies
+sometimes view with horror and surprise, sleeping in the day-time, in,
+on, or under carts, benches, or waggons. It hath been our lot, when in
+the city of waters, to hear certain of these theoretical "political
+economists" remark somewhat harshly on this mode of taking a siesta. We
+should recommend them henceforth to attend to the advice of Peter
+Pindar, and--
+
+     "Mind what they read in godly books,
+     And not take people by their looks;"
+
+for they would not be pleased to be judged in that manner themselves;
+and the poor fellows in question have generally been travelling all
+night, not in a mail-coach, but walking over rough roads, and assisting
+their weary and overworked cavalry up and down a succession of steep
+hills.
+
+In consequence of this practice, the two forsaken matrons encountered
+Moses Brown, a first cousin of Peter's, who had just despatched his
+waggoner on a commercial enterprise of the description just alluded to.
+Moses had heard voices as he passed the Lion; and being somewhat of a
+curious turn, had discovered, partly by listening, and partly by the aid
+of certain cracks, holes, and ill-fitting joints in the shutters, who
+the gentlemen were whose goodwill and pleasure it was "to vex the dull
+ear of night" with their untimely mirth. Moses, moreover, was a meek
+man, and professed to be extremely sorry for the two good women who had
+two such roaring, rattling blades for their husbands: for, by this time,
+the bacchanalians, having exhausted their conversational powers, had
+commenced a series of songs. So, under his guidance, the ladies
+reconnoitred the drunken trio through the cracks, holes, and ill-fitting
+joints aforesaid.
+
+Poor George Syms was by this time regularly "done up," and dozing in his
+chair; but Peter Brown, the smith, was still in his glory, and singing
+in no small voice a certain song, which was by no means fitting to be
+chanted in the ear of his spouse. As for Jacob Philpot, the landlord, he
+sat erect in his chair with the dogged resolution of a man who feels
+that he is at his post, and is determined to be "no starter." At this
+moment Sally made her appearance in the room, in the same sort of
+dishabille as that worn by the ladies at the window, and commenced a
+very unceremonious harangue to George Syms and Peter Brown, telling them
+that they ought to be ashamed of themselves not to have been at home
+hours ago; "as for this fellow," said she, giving poor Philpot a
+tremendous box on the ear, "I'll make him remember it, I'll warrant."
+Jacob hereupon arose in great wrath; but ere he could ascertain
+precisely the exact centre of gravity, Sally settled his position by
+another cuff, which made his eyes twinkle, and sent him reeling back
+into his seat. Seeing these things, the ladies without began, as
+fox-hunters say, to "give tongue," and vociferously demanded admittance;
+whereupon Mrs Philpot put her head out from a window above, and told
+them that she would be down and let them in in a minute, and that it was
+a great pity gentlemen should ever get too much beer: and then she
+popped in her head, and in less than the stipulated time, ran down
+stairs and opened the street door; and so the wives were admitted to
+their delinquent husbands; but meek Moses Brown went his way, having a
+wife at home, and having no desire to abide the storm which he saw was
+coming.
+
+Peter Brown was, as we said before, in high feather; and therefore, when
+he saw Mrs Syms, whom he (acting under the teetotum delusion) mistook
+for the wife of his own particular bosom, he gaily accosted her, "Ah,
+old girl!--Is it you? What! you've come to your senses, eh? slept it
+off, I suppose. Well, well; never mind! Forgive and forget, I say. I
+never saw you so before, I will say _that_ for you, however. So give us
+a buss, old girl! and let us go home;" and without ceremony he began to
+suit the action to the word, whereupon the real Mrs Brown flew to Mrs
+Syms' assistance, and by hanging round Peter's neck, enabled her friend
+to escape. Mrs Syms, immediately she was released, began to shake up her
+drowsy George, who, immediately he opened his eyes, scarcely knowing
+where he was, marvelled much to find himself thus handled by, as he
+supposed, his neighbour's wife; but with the maudlin cunning of a
+drunken man, he thought it was an excellent joke, and therefore threw
+his arms round her, and began to hug her with a wondrous and unusual
+degree of fondness, whereby the poor woman was much affected, and called
+him her dear George, and said she knew it was not his fault, but "all
+along of that brute," pointing to Peter Brown, that he had drunk himself
+into such a state. "Come along, my dear," she concluded, "let us go and
+leave him--I don't care if I never see him any more."
+
+The exasperation of Peter Brown, at seeing and hearing, as he imagined,
+his own wife act and speak in this shameful manner before his face, may
+be "more easily imagined than described;" but his genuine wife, who
+belonged, as he conceived, to the drunken man, hung so close about his
+neck that he found it impossible to escape. George Syms, however, was
+utterly unable to rise, and sat, with an idiot-like simper upon his
+face, as if giving himself up to a pleasing delusion, while his wife was
+patting, and coaxing, and wheedling him in every way, to induce him to
+get upon his legs and try to go home. At length, as he vacantly stared
+about, he caught a glimpse of Mrs Brown, whom, to save repetition, we
+may as well call his teetotum wife, hanging about his neighbour's neck.
+This sight effectually roused him, and before Mrs Syms was aware of his
+intention, he started up and ran furiously at Peter Brown, who received
+him much in the manner that might be expected, with a salutation in
+"the bread-basket," which sent him reeling on the floor. As a matter of
+course, Mrs Syms took the part of her fallen husband, and put her mark
+upon Mr Peter Brown; and, as a matter of course, Mrs Peter Brown took
+the part of her spouse, and commenced an attack on Mrs Syms.
+
+In the meanwhile Sally had not been idle. After chastening Jacob Philpot
+to her heart's content, she, with the assistance of Mrs Philpot and
+Philip the hostler, who was much astonished to hear her "order the
+mistress about," conveyed him up-stairs, where he was deposited, as he
+was, upon a spare bed, to "take his chance," as she said, "and sleep
+off his drunken fit." Sally then returned to the scene of strife, and
+desired the "company" to go about their business, for she should not
+allow anything more to be "called for" that night. Having said this with
+an air of authority, she left the room; and though Mrs Syms and Mrs
+Brown were greatly surprised thereat, they said nothing, inasmuch as
+they were somewhat ashamed of their own appearance, and had matters of
+more importance than Sally's eccentricity to think of, as Mrs Syms had
+been cruelly wounded in her new shawl, which she had imprudently thrown
+over her shoulders; and the left side of the lace on Mrs Brown's cap had
+been torn away in the recent conflict. Mrs Philpot, enacting her part
+as the teetotum Sally of the night, besought the ladies to go home,
+and leave the gentlemen to sleep where they were--_i.e._ upon the
+floor--till the morning: for Peter Brown, notwithstanding the noise
+he had made, was as incapable of standing as the quieter George Syms.
+So the women dragged them into separate corners of the room, placed
+pillows under their heads, and threw a blanket over each, and then left
+them to repose. The two disconsolate wives each forthwith departed to
+her own lonely pillow, leaving Mrs Philpot particularly puzzled at the
+deference with which they had treated her, by calling her "Madam," as
+if she was mistress of the house.
+
+Leaving them all to their slumbers, we must now say a word or two
+about the teetotum, the properties of which were to change people's
+characters, spinning the mind of one man or woman into the body of
+another. The duration of the delusion, caused by this droll game of
+the old gentleman's, depended upon the length of time spent in the
+diversion; and five minutes was the specific period for causing it
+to last till the next sunrise or sunset _after_ the change had been
+effected. Therefore, when the morning came, Mrs Philpot and Sally, and
+Peter Brown and George Syms, all came to their senses. The two latter
+went quietly home, with aching heads and very confused recollections of
+the preceding evening; and shortly after their departure Mrs Philpot
+awoke in great astonishment at finding herself in the garret; and Sally
+was equally surprised, and much alarmed, at finding herself in her
+mistress's room, from which she hastened in quick time, leaving all
+things in due order.
+
+The elderly stranger made his appearance soon after, and appeared to
+have brushed up his shabby-genteel clothes, for he really looked much
+more respectable than on the preceding evening. He ordered his
+breakfast, and sat down thereto very quietly, and asked for the
+newspaper, and pulled out his spectacles, and began to con the politics
+of the day much at his ease, no one having the least suspicion that he
+and his teetotum had been the cause of all the uproar at the Red Lion.
+In due time the landlord made his appearance, with sundry marks of
+violence upon his jolly countenance, and, after due obeisance made to
+his respectable-looking guest, took the liberty of telling his spouse
+that he should insist upon her sending Sally away, for that he had never
+been so mauled since he was born; but Mrs Philpot told him that he ought
+to be ashamed of himself, and she was very glad the girl had spirit
+enough to protect herself, and that she wouldn't part with her on any
+account. She then referred to what had passed in the back kitchen,
+taking to herself the credit of having inflicted that punishment which
+had been administered by the hands of Sally.
+
+Jacob Philpot was now more than ever convinced that his wife had been
+paying her respects to a huge stone bottle of rum which stood in the
+closet; and he "made bold" to tell her his thoughts, whereat Mrs Philpot
+thought fit to put herself into a tremendous passion, although she could
+not help fearing that, perhaps, she might have taken a drop too much of
+something, for she was unable, in any other manner, to account for
+having slept in the garret.
+
+The elderly stranger now took upon himself to recommend mutual
+forgiveness, and stated that it was really quite pardonable for any one
+to take a little too much of such very excellent ale as that at the Red
+Lion. "For my own part," said he, "I don't know whether I didn't get a
+trifle beyond the mark myself last night. But I hope, madam, I did not
+annoy you."
+
+"Oh dear, no, not at all, sir," replied Mrs Philpot, whose good-humour
+was restored at this compliment paid to the good cheer of the Lion; "you
+were exceedingly pleasant, I assure you--just enough to make you funny:
+we had a hearty laugh about the teetotum, you know."--"Ah!" said the
+stranger, "I guess how it was then. I always introduce the teetotum when
+I want to be merry."
+
+Jacob Philpot expressed a wish to understand the game, and after
+spinning it two or three times, proposed to take his chance, for five
+minutes, with the stranger; but the latter, laughing heartily, would by
+no means agree with the proposition, and declared that it would be
+downright cheating, as he was an overmatch for any beginner. "However,"
+he continued, "as soon as any of your neighbours come in, I'll put you
+in the way of it, and we'll have some of your ale now, just to pass the
+time. It will do neither of us any harm after last night's affair, and I
+want to have some talk with you about the coal trade."
+
+They accordingly sat down together, and the stranger displayed
+considerable knowledge in the science of mining; and Jacob was so much
+delighted with his companion, that an hour or two slipped away, as he
+said, "in no time;" and then there was heard the sound of a horse's feet
+at the door, and a somewhat authoritative hillo!
+
+"It is our parson," said Jacob, starting up, and he ran to the door to
+inquire what might be his reverence's pleasure. "Good morning," said the
+Reverend Mr Stanhope. "I'm going over to dine with our club at the Old
+Boar, and I want you just to cast your eye on those fellows in my home
+close; you can see them out of your parlour window."--"Yes, to be sure,
+sir," replied Jacob.--"Hem!" quoth Mr Stanhope, "have you anybody
+indoors?"--"Yes, sir, we have," replied Jacob, "a strange gentleman, who
+seems to know a pretty deal about mining and them sort of things. I
+think he's some great person in disguise; he seems regularly
+edicated--up to everything," "Eh, ah! a great person in disguise!"
+exclaimed Mr Stanhope. "I'll just step in a minute. It seems as if there
+was a shower coming over, and I'm in no hurry, and it is not worth while
+to get wet through for the sake of a few minutes." So he alighted from
+his horse, soliloquising to himself, "Perhaps the Lord Chancellor! Who
+knows? However, I shall take care to show my principles;" and
+straightway he went into the house, and was most respectfully saluted by
+the elderly stranger; and they entered into a conversation upon the
+standing English topics of weather, wind, crops, and the coal trade;
+and Mr Stanhope contrived to introduce therein sundry unkind things
+against the Pope and all his followers; and avowed himself a stanch
+"church-and-king" man, and spake enthusiastically of our "glorious
+constitution," and lauded divers individuals then in power, but more
+particularly those who studied the true interests of the Church, by
+seeking out and preferring men of merit and talent to fill vacant
+benefices. The stranger thereat smiled significantly, as though he
+could, if he felt disposed, say something to the purpose; and Mr
+Stanhope felt more inclined than ever to think the landlord might have
+conjectured very near the truth, and, consequently, redoubled his
+efforts to make the agreeable, professing his regret at being obliged
+to dine out that day, &c. The stranger politely thanked him for his
+consideration, and stated that he was never at a loss for employment,
+and that he was then rambling, for a few days, to relax his mind from
+the fatigues of an overwhelming mass of important business, to which his
+duty compelled him to attend early and late. "Perhaps," he continued,
+"you will smile when I tell you that I am now engaged in a series of
+experiments relative to the power of the centrifugal force, and its
+capacity of overcoming various degrees of friction." (Here he produced
+the teetotum.) "You perceive the different surfaces of the under edge of
+this little thing. The outside, you see, is all of ivory, but indented
+in various ways; and yet I have not been able to decide whether the
+roughest or smoothest more frequently arrest its motions. The colours,
+of course, are merely indications. Here is my register," and he produced
+a book, wherein divers abstruse mathematical calculations were apparent.
+"I always prefer other people to spin it, as then I obtain a variety of
+impelling power. Perhaps you will do me the favour just to twirl it
+round a few times alternately with the landlord? Two make a fairer
+experiment than one. Just for five minutes. I'll not trouble you a
+moment longer, I promise you."--"Hem!" thought Mr Stanhope.
+
+     "Learned men, now and then,
+     Have very strange vagaries!"
+
+However, he commenced spinning the teetotum, turn and turn with Jacob
+Philpot, who was highly delighted both with the drollery of the thing,
+and the honour of playing with the parson of the parish, and laughed
+most immoderately, while the stranger stood by, looking at his
+stop-watch as demurely as on the preceding evening, until the five
+minutes had expired; and then, in the middle of the Rev. Mr Stanhope's
+spin, he took up the little toy and put it into his pocket.
+
+Jacob Philpot immediately arose, and shook the stranger warmly by the
+hand, and told him that he should be happy to see him whenever he came
+that way again; and then nodding to Mr Stanhope and the landlady, went
+out at the front door, mounted the horse that stood there, and rode
+away. "Where's the fellow going?" cried Mrs Philpot; "Hillo! Jacob, I
+say!"--"Well, mother," said the Reverend Mr Stanhope, "what's the matter
+now?" but Mrs Philpot had reached the front of the house, and continued
+to shout "Hillo! hillo, come back, I tell you!"--"That woman is always
+doing some strange thing or other," observed Mr Stanhope to the
+stranger. "What on earth can possess her to go calling after the parson
+in that manner?"--"I declare he's rode off with Squire Jones's horse,"
+cried Mrs Philpot, re-entering the house. "To be sure he has," said Mr
+Stanhope; "he borrowed it on purpose to go to the Old Boar."--"Did he?"
+exclaimed the landlady; "and without telling me a word about it! But
+I'll Old Boar him, I promise you!"--"Don't make such a fool of yourself,
+mother," said the parson; "it can't signify twopence to you where he
+goes."--"Can't it?" rejoined Mrs Philpot. "I'll tell you what, your
+worship----"--"Don't worship me, woman," exclaimed the teetotum landlord
+parson; "worship! what nonsense now! Why, you've been taking your drops
+again this morning, I think. Worship, indeed! To be sure, I did once,
+like a fool, promise to worship _you_; but if my time was to come over
+again, I know what----But, never mind now--don't you see it's twelve
+o'clock? Come, quick, let us have what there is to eat, and then we'll
+have a comfortable pipe under the tree. What say you, sir?"--"With all
+my heart," replied the elderly stranger. Mrs Philpot could make nothing
+of the parson's speech about worshipping her; but the order for
+something to eat was very distinct; and though she felt much surprised
+thereat, as well as at the proposed smoking under the tree, she,
+nevertheless, was much gratified that so unusual an order should be
+given on that particular day, as she had a somewhat better dinner than
+usual, namely, a leg of mutton upon the spit. Therefore she bustled
+about with exceeding goodwill, and Sally spread a clean cloth upon the
+table in the little parlour for the parson and the strange old
+gentleman; and when the mutton was placed upon the table, the latter
+hoped they should have the pleasure of Mrs Philpot's company; but she
+looked somewhat doubtfully till the parson said, "Come, come, mother,
+don't make a bother about it; sit down, can't you, when the gentleman
+bids you." Therefore she smoothed her apron and made one at the
+dinner-table, and conducted herself with so much precision that the
+teetotum parson looked upon her with considerable surprise, while she
+regarded him with no less, inasmuch as he talked in a very unclerical
+manner; and, among other strange things, swore that his wife was as
+"drunk as blazes" the night before, and winked at her, and behaved
+altogether in a style very unbecoming a minister in his own parish.
+
+At one o'clock there was a great sensation caused in the village of
+Stockwell, by the appearance of their reverend pastor and the elderly
+stranger, sitting on the bench which went round the tree, which stood
+before the sign of the roaring rampant Red Lion, each with a long pipe
+in his mouth, blowing clouds, which would not have disgraced the most
+inveterate smoker of the "black diamond" fraternity, and ever and anon
+moistening their clay with "heavy wet," from tankards placed upon a
+small table, which Mrs Philpot had provided for their accommodation. The
+little boys and girls first approached within a respectful distance, and
+then ran away giggling to tell their companions; and they told their
+mothers, who came and peeped likewise; and many were diverted, and many
+were scandalised at the sight: yet the parson seemed to care for none
+of these things, but cracked his joke, and sipped his ale, and smoked
+his pipe, with as much easy nonchalance as if he had been in his own
+arm-chair at the rectory. Yet it must be confessed that now and then
+there was a sort of equivocal remark made by him, as though he had some
+faint recollection of his former profession, although he evinced not the
+smallest sense of shame at the change which had been wrought in him.
+Indeed this trifling imperfection in the change of identity appears to
+have attended such transformations in general, and might have arisen
+from the individual bodies retaining their own clothes (for the mere
+fashion of dress hath a great influence on some minds), or, perhaps,
+because a profession or trade, with the habits thereof, cannot be
+entirely shaken off, nor a new one perfectly learned, by spinning a
+teetotum for five minutes. The time had now arrived when George Syms,
+the shoemaker, and Peter Brown, the blacksmith, were accustomed to take
+their "pint and pipe after dinner," and greatly were they surprised to
+see their places so occupied; and not a little was their astonishment
+increased, when the parson lifted up his voice, and ordered Sally to
+bring out a couple of chairs, and then shook them both warmly by the
+hand, and welcomed them by the affectionate appellation of "My
+hearties!" He then winked, and in an under-tone began to sing--
+
+     "Though I'm tied to a crusty old woman,
+       Much given to scolding and jealousy,
+     I know that the case is too common,
+       And so I will ogle each girl I see.
+                               Tol de rol, lol, &c.
+
+"Come, my lads!" he resumed, "sit you down, and clap half a yard of
+clay into your mouths." The two worthy artisans looked at each other
+significantly, or rather insignificantly, for they knew not what to
+think, and did as they were bid. "Come, why don't you talk?" said the
+teetotum parson landlord, after a short silence. "You're as dull as a
+couple of tom-cats with their ears cut off--talk, man, talk--there's no
+doing nothing without talking." This last part of his speech seemed more
+particularly addressed to Peter Brown, who, albeit a man of a sound
+head, and well skilled in such matters as appertained unto iron and the
+coal trade, had not been much in the habit of mixing with the clergy:
+therefore he felt, for a moment, as he said, "non-plushed;" but
+fortunately he recollected the Catholic question, about which most
+people were then talking, and which everybody professed to understand.
+Therefore, he forthwith introduced the subject; and being well aware of
+the parson's bias, and having, moreover, been told that he had written
+a pamphlet; therefore (though, to do Peter Brown justice, he was not
+accustomed to read such publications) he scrupled not to give his
+opinion very freely, and concluded by taking up his pint and drinking a
+very unchristianlike malediction against the Pope. George Syms followed
+on the same side, and concluded in the same manner, adding thereunto,
+"Your good healths, gemmen."--"What a pack of nonsense!" exclaimed the
+parson. "I should like to know what harm the Pope can do us! I tell you
+what, my lads, it's all my eye and Betty Martin. Live and let live, I
+say. So long as I can get a good living, I don't care the toss of a
+halfpenny who's uppermost. For my part, I'd as soon live at the sign of
+the Mitre as the Lion, or mount the cardinal's hat for that matter, if I
+thought I could get anything by it. Look at home, say I. The Pope's an
+old woman, and so are they that are afraid of him." The elderly stranger
+here seemed highly delighted, and cried "Bravo!" and clapped the speaker
+on the back, and said, "That's your sort! Go it, my hearty!" But Peter
+Brown, who was one of the sturdy English old-fashioned school, and did
+not approve of hot and cold being blown out of the same mouth, took the
+liberty of telling the parson, in a very unceremonious way, that he
+seemed to have changed his opinions very suddenly. "Not I," said the
+other; "I was always of the same way of thinking."--"Then words have no
+meaning," observed George Syms, angrily, "for I heard you myself. You
+talked as loud about the wickedness of 'mancipation as ever I heard a
+man in my life, no longer ago than last Sunday."--"Then I must have been
+drunk--that's all I can say about the business," replied the other,
+coolly; and he began to fill his pipe with the utmost nonchalance, as
+though it was a matter of course. Such apparently scandalous conduct
+was, however, too much for the unsophisticated George Syms and Peter
+Brown, who simultaneously threw down their reckoning, and, much to their
+credit, left the turncoat reprobate parson to the company of the elderly
+gentleman.
+
+If we were to relate half the whimsical consequences of the teetotum
+tricks of this strange personage, we might fill volumes; but as it is
+not our intention to allow the detail to swell even into one, we must
+hastily sketch the proceedings of poor Jacob Philpot after he left the
+Red Lion to dine with sundry of the gentry and clergy at the Old Boar,
+in his new capacity of an ecclesiastic, in the outward form of a
+somewhat negligently-dressed landlord. He was accosted on the road by
+divers of his coal-carrying neighbours with a degree of familiarity
+which was exceedingly mortifying to his feelings. One told him to be
+home in time to take part of a gallon of ale that he had won of
+neighbour Smith; a second reminded him that to-morrow was club-night at
+the Nag's Head; and a third asked him where he had stolen his horse. At
+length he arrived, much out of humour, at the Old Boar, an inn of a very
+different description from the Red Lion, being a posting-house of no
+inconsiderable magnitude, wherein that day was to be holden the
+symposium of certain grandees of the adjacent country, as before hinted.
+
+The landlord, who happened to be standing at the door, was somewhat
+surprised at the formal manner with which Jacob Philpot greeted him and
+gave his horse into the charge of the hostler; but as he knew him only
+by sight, and had many things to attend to, he went his way without
+making any remark, and thus, unwittingly, increased the irritation of
+Jacob's new teetotum sensitive feelings. "Are any of the gentlemen come
+yet?" asked Jacob, haughtily, of one of the waiters. "What gentlemen?"
+quoth the waiter. "_Any_ of them," said Jacob--"Mr Wiggins, Doctor
+White, or Captain Pole?" At this moment a carriage drove up to the door,
+and the bells all began ringing, and the waiters ran to see who had
+arrived, and Jacob Philpot was left unheeded. "This is very strange
+conduct!" observed he; "I never met with such incivility in my life! One
+would think I was a dog!" Scarcely had this soliloquy terminated, when a
+lady, who had alighted from the carriage (leaving the gentleman who came
+with her to give some orders about the luggage), entered the inn, and
+was greatly surprised to find her delicate hand seized by the horny
+grasp of the landlord of the Red Lion, who addressed her as "Dear Mrs
+Wilkins," and vowed he was quite delighted at the unexpected pleasure
+of seeing her, and hoped the worthy rector was well, and all the dear
+little darlings. Mrs Wilkins disengaged her hand as quickly as
+possible, and made her escape into a room, the door of which was held
+open for her admittance by the waiter; and then the worthy rector made
+his appearance, followed by one of the "little darlings," whom Jacob
+Philpot, in the joy of his heart at finding himself once more among
+friends, snatched up in his arms, and thereby produced a bellowing which
+instantly brought the alarmed mother from her retreat. "What is that
+frightful man doing with the child?" she cried, and Jacob, who could
+scarcely believe his ears, was immediately deprived of his burden, while
+his particular friend, the worthy rector, looked upon him with a cold
+and vacant stare, and then retired into his room with his wife and the
+little darling, and Jacob was once more left to his own cogitations.
+"I see it!" he exclaimed, after a short pause, "I see it! This is the
+reward of rectitude of principle! This is the reward of undeviating and
+inflexible firmness of purpose! He has read my unanswerable pamphlet! I
+always thought there was a laxity of principle about him!" So Jacob
+forthwith walked into the open air to cool himself, and strolled round
+the garden of the inn, and meditated upon divers important subjects; and
+thus he passed his time till the hour of dinner, though he could not but
+keep occasionally wondering that some of his friends did not come down
+to meet him, since they must have seen him walking in the garden. His
+patience, however, was at length exhausted, and his appetite was
+exceedingly clamorous, partly, perhaps, because his _outward_ man had
+been used to dine at the plebeian hour of noon, while his inward man
+made a point of never taking anything more than a biscuit and a glass of
+wine between breakfast and five o'clock; and even that little modicum
+had been omitted on this fatal day, in consequence of the incivility of
+the people of the inn. "The dinner hour was five _precisely_," said he,
+looking at his watch, "and now it is half-past--but I'll wait a _little_
+longer. It's a bad plan to hurry them. It puts the cook out of humour,
+and then all goes wrong." Therefore he waited a little longer; that is
+to say, till the calls of absolute hunger became quite ungovernable, and
+then he went into the house, where the odour of delicate viands was
+quite provoking; so he followed the guidance of his nose and arrived
+in the large dining-room, where he found, to his great surprise and
+mortification, that the company were assembled, and the work of
+destruction had been going on for some time, as the second course had
+just been placed on the table. Jacob felt that the neglect with which he
+had been treated was "enough to make a parson swear;" and perhaps he
+would have sworn, but that he had no time to spare; and therefore, as
+all the seats at the upper end of the table were engaged, he deposited
+himself on a vacant chair about the centre, between two gentlemen with
+whom he had no acquaintance, and, spreading his napkin in his lap,
+demanded of a waiter what fish had gone out. The man replied only by a
+stare and a smile--a line of conduct which was by no means surprising,
+seeing that the most stylish part of Philpot's dress was, without
+dispute, the napkin aforesaid. For the rest, it was unlike the garb of
+the strange gentleman, inasmuch as that, though possibly entitled to the
+epithet shabby, it could not be termed genteel. "What's the fellow
+gaping at?" cried Jacob, in an angry voice; "go and tell your master
+that I want to speak to him directly. I don't understand such treatment.
+Tell him to come immediately! Do you hear?"
+
+The loud tone in which this was spoken aroused the attention of the
+company; and most of them cast a look of inquiry, first at the speaker
+and then round the table, as if to discern by whom the strange gentleman
+in the scarlet-and-yellow plush waistcoat and the dirty shirt might be
+patronised; but there were others who recognised the landlord of the Red
+Lion at Stockwell. The whole, however, were somewhat startled when he
+addressed them as follows:--"Really, gentlemen, I must say that a joke
+may be carried too far; and if it was not for my cloth" (here he handled
+the napkin), "I declare I don't know how I might act. I have been
+walking in the garden for these two hours, and you _must_ have seen me.
+And now you stare at me as if you didn't know me! Really, gentlemen, it
+is too bad! I love a joke as well as any man, and can take one too; but,
+as I said before, a joke _may_ be carried too far."--"I think so too,"
+said the landlord of the Old Boar, tapping him on the shoulder; "so come
+along, and don't make a fool of yourself here."--"Fellow!" cried Jacob,
+rising in great wrath, "go your ways! Be off, I tell you! Mr Chairman,
+we have known each other now for a good many years, and you must be
+convinced that I can take a joke as well as any man; but human nature
+can endure this no longer. Mr Wiggins! Captain Pole! my good friend
+Doctor White! I appeal to you!" Here the gentlemen named looked
+especially astounded. "What! can it be possible that you have _all_
+agreed to cut me! Oh, no! I will not believe that political differences
+of opinion can run _quite_ so high. Come--let us have no more of this
+nonsense!"--"No, no, we've had quite enough of it," said the landlord of
+the Old Boar, pulling the chair from beneath the last speaker, who was
+consequently obliged again to be upon his legs, while there came, from
+various parts of the table, cries of "Chair! chair! Turn him
+out!"--"Man!" roared the teetotum parsonified landlord of the Red Lion,
+to the landlord of the Old Boar--"Man! you shall repent of this! If it
+wasn't for my cloth, I'd soon----."--"Come, give me the cloth!" said
+the other, snatching away the napkin, which Jacob had buttoned in his
+waistcoat, and thereby causing that garment to fly open and expose more
+of dirty linen and skin than is usually sported at a dinner-party. Poor
+Philpot's rage had now reached its acme, and he again appealed to the
+chairman by name. "Colonel Martin!" said he, "can you sit by and see me
+used thus? I am sure _you_ will not pretend that you don't know
+me!"--"Not I," replied the chairman; "I know you well enough, and a
+confounded impudent fellow you are. I'll tell you what, my lad, next
+time you apply for a licence, you shall hear of this." The landlord of
+the Old Boar was withal a kind-hearted man; and as he well knew that the
+loss of its licence would be ruin to the rampant Red Lion and all
+concerned therewith, he was determined that poor Philpot should be saved
+from destruction in spite of his teeth; therefore, without further
+ceremony, he, being a muscular man, laid violent hands upon the said
+Jacob, and, with the assistance of his waiters, conveyed him out of the
+room, in despite of much struggling, and sundry interjections concerning
+his "cloth." When they had deposited him safely in an arm-chair in "the
+bar," the landlady, who had frequently seen him before in his proper
+character--that of a civil man--who "knew his place" in society, very
+kindly offered him a cup of tea; and the landlord asked how he could
+think of making such a fool of himself; and the waiter, whom he had
+accosted on first entering the house, vouched for his not having had
+anything to eat or drink; whereupon they spoke of the remains of a
+turbot which had just come down-stairs, and a haunch of venison that was
+to follow. It is a sad thing to have a mind and body that are no match
+for each other. Jacob's outward man would have been highly gratified at
+the exhibition of these things, but the spirit of the parson was too
+mighty within, and spurned every offer, and the body was compelled to
+obey. So the horse that was borrowed of the squire was ordered out, and
+Jacob Philpot mounted and rode on his way in excessive irritation,
+growling vehemently at the insult and indignity which had been committed
+against the "cloth" in general, and his own person in particular.
+
+"The sun sunk beneath the horizon," as novelists say, when Jacob Philpot
+entered the village of Stockwell, and, as if waking from a dream, he
+suddenly started, and was much surprised to find himself on horseback;
+for the last thing that he recollected was going up-stairs at his own
+house, and composing himself for a nap, that he might be ready to join
+neighbour Scroggins and Dick Smith, when they came in the evening to
+drink the gallon of ale lost by the latter. "And, my eyes!" said he, "if
+I haven't got the squire's horse that the parson borrowed this morning.
+Well--it's very odd! however, the ride has done me a deal of good, for I
+feel as if I hadn't had anything all day, and yet I did pretty well too
+at the leg of mutton at dinner." Mrs Philpot received her lord and
+nominal master in no very gracious mood, and said she should like to
+know where he had been riding. "That's more than I can tell you,"
+replied Jacob; "however, I know I'm as hungry as a greyhound, though I
+never made a better dinner in my life."--"More shame for you," said Mrs
+Philpot; "I wish the Old Boar was a thousand miles off."--"What's the
+woman talking about?" quoth Jacob. "Eh! what! at it again, I suppose,"
+and he pointed to the closet containing the rum bottle. "Hush!" cried
+Mrs Philpot, "here's the parson coming down-stairs!"--"The parson!"
+exclaimed Jacob; "what's he been doing up-stairs, I should like to
+know?"--"He has been to take a nap on mistress's bed," said Sally. "The
+dickens he has! This is a pretty story," quoth Jacob. "How could I help
+it?" asked Mrs Philpot; "you should stay at home and look after your own
+business, and not go ramshackling about the country. You shan't hear the
+last of the Old Boar just yet, I promise you." To avoid the threatened
+storm, and satisfy the calls of hunger, Jacob made off to the larder,
+and commenced an attack upon the leg of mutton.
+
+At this moment the Reverend Mr Stanhope opened the little door at the
+foot of the stairs. On waking, and finding himself upon a bed, he had
+concluded that he must have fainted in consequence of the agitation of
+mind produced by the gross insults which he had suffered, or perhaps
+from the effects of hunger. Great, therefore, was his surprise to find
+himself at the Red Lion in his own parish; and the first questions he
+asked of Mrs Philpot were how and when he had been brought there. "La,
+sir!" said the landlady, "you went up-stairs of your own accord, after
+you were tired of smoking under the tree."--"Smoking under the tree,
+woman!" exclaimed Mr Stanhope; "what are you talking about? Do you
+recollect whom you are speaking to?" "Ay, marry, do I," replied the
+sensitive Mrs Philpot; "and you told Sally to call you when Scroggins
+and Smith came for their gallon of ale, as you meant to join the party."
+
+The Reverend Mr Stanhope straightway took up his hat, put it upon his
+head, and stalked with indignant dignity out of the house, opining that
+the poor woman was in her cups; and meditated, as he walked home, on the
+extraordinary affairs of the day. But his troubles were not yet ended,
+for the report of his public jollification had reached his own
+household; and John, his trusty man-servant, had been despatched to the
+Red Lion, and had ascertained that his master was really gone to bed in
+a state very unfit for a clergyman to be seen in. Some remarkably
+goodnatured friends had been to condole with Mrs Stanhope upon the
+extraordinary proceedings of her goodman, and to say how much they
+were shocked, and what a pity it was, and wondering what the bishop
+would think of it, and divers other equally amiable and consolatory
+reflections and notes of admiration. Now Mrs Stanhope, though she had
+much of the "milk of human kindness" in her composition, had withal a
+sufficient portion of "tartaric acid" mingled therewith. Therefore, when
+her beer-drinking husband made his appearance, he found her in a state
+of effervescence. "Mary," said he, "I am extremely fatigued. I have been
+exposed to-day to a series of insults, such as I could not have imagined
+it possible for any one to offer me."--"Nor anybody else," replied Mrs
+Stanhope; "but you are rightly served, and I am glad of it. Who could
+have supposed that you, the minister of a parish!--Faugh! how filthily
+you smell of tobacco! I vow I cannot endure to be in the room with you!"
+and she arose and left the divine to himself, in exceeding great
+perplexity. However, being a man who loved to do all things in order,
+he remembered that he had not dined, so he rang the bell and gave the
+needful instructions, thinking it best to satisfy nature first, and
+_then_ endeavour to ascertain the cause of his beloved Mary's acidity.
+His appetite was gone, but that he attributed to having fasted too long,
+a practice very unusual with him; however, he picked a bit here and
+there, and then indulged himself with a bottle of his oldest port, which
+he had about half consumed, and somewhat recovered his spirits, ere his
+dear Mary made her reappearance, and told him that she was perfectly
+astonished at his conduct. And well might she say so, for _now_, the
+wine, which he had been drinking with unusual rapidity, thinking, good
+easy man, that he had taken nothing all day, began to have a very
+visible effect upon a body already saturated with strong ale. He
+declared that he cared not a fig for the good opinion of any gentleman
+in the county, that he would always act and speak according to his
+principles, and filled a bumper to the health of the Lord Chancellor,
+and drank sundry more exceedingly loyal toasts, and told his astonished
+spouse, that he should not be surprised if he was very soon to be made a
+Dean or a Bishop; and as for the people at the Old Boar, he saw through
+their conduct--it was all envy, which doth "merit as its shade pursue."
+The good lady justly deemed it folly to waste her oratory upon a man in
+such a state, and reserved her powers for the next morning; and Mr
+Stanhope reeled to bed that night in a condition which, to do him
+justice, he had never before exhibited under his own roof.
+
+The next morning, Mrs Stanhope and her daughter Sophy, a promising young
+lady about ten years old, of the hoyden class, were at breakfast, when
+the elderly stranger called at the rectory, and expressed great concern
+on being told that Mr S. was somewhat indisposed, and had not yet made
+his appearance. He said that his business was of very little importance,
+and merely concerned some geological inquiries which he was prosecuting
+in the vicinity; but Mrs Stanhope, who had the names of all the ologies
+by heart, and loved occasionally to talk thereof, persuaded him to wait
+a short time, little dreaming of the consequence; for the wily old
+gentleman began to romp with Miss Sophy, and, after a while, produced
+his teetotum, and, in short, so contrived it, that the mother and
+daughter played together therewith for five minutes. He then politely
+took his leave, promising to call again; and Mrs Stanhope bobbed him a
+curtsy, and Sophia assured him that Mr S. would be extremely happy to
+afford him every assistance in his scientific researches. When the
+worthy divine at length made his appearance in the breakfast parlour,
+strangely puzzled as to the extreme feverishness and languor which
+oppressed him, he found Sophy sitting gravely in an arm-chair, reading a
+treatise on craniology. It was a pleasant thing for him to see her read
+anything, but he could not help expressing his surprise by observing,
+"I should think that book a little above your comprehension, my
+dear."--"Indeed! sir," was the reply; and the little girl laid down the
+volume, and sat erect in her chair, and thus continued: "I should think,
+Mr Nicodemus Stanhope, that after the specimen of good sense and
+propriety of conduct, which you were pleased to exhibit yesterday, it
+scarcely becomes _you_ to pretend to estimate the _comprehension_ of
+others." "My dear," said the astonished divine, "this is very strange
+language! You forget whom you are speaking to!"--"Not at all," replied
+the child. "I know _my_ place, if you don't know yours, and am
+determined to speak my mind." If anything could add to the Reverend Mr
+Nicodemus Stanhope's surprise, it was the sound of his wife's voice in
+the garden, calling to his man John to stand out of the way, or she
+should run over him. Poor John, who was tying up some of her favourite
+flowers, got out of her way accordingly in quick time, and the next
+moment his mistress rushed by, trundling a hoop, hallooing and laughing,
+and highly enjoying his apparent dismay. Throughout that day, it may be
+imagined that the reverend gentleman's philosophy was sorely tried; but
+we are compelled, by want of room, to leave the particulars of his
+botheration to the reader's imagination.
+
+We are sorry to say that these were not the only metamorphoses which the
+mischievous old gentleman wrought in the village of Stockwell. There was
+a game of teetotum played between a sergeant of dragoons, who had
+retired upon his well-earned pension, and a baker, who happened
+likewise to be the renter of a small patch of land adjoining the
+village. The veteran, with that indistinctness of character before
+mentioned, shouldered the peel, and took it to the field, and used it
+for loading and spreading manure, so that it was never afterwards fit
+for any but dirty work. Then, just to show that he was not afraid of
+anybody, he cut a gap in the hedge of a small field of wheat which had
+just been reaped, and was standing in sheaves, and thereby gave
+admittance to a neighbouring bull, who amused himself greatly by tossing
+the said sheaves; but more particularly those which were set apart as
+tithes, against which he appeared to have a particular spite, throwing
+them high into the air, and then bellowing and treading them under foot.
+But--we must come to a close. Suffice it to say, that the village of
+Stockwell was long in a state of confusion in consequence of these
+games; for the mischief which was done during the period of delusion,
+ended not, like the delusion itself, with the rising or setting of the
+sun.
+
+Having now related as many particulars of these strange occurrences as
+our limits will permit, we have merely to state the effect which they
+produced upon ourselves. Whenever we have since beheld servants aping
+the conduct of their masters or mistresses, tradesmen wasting their time
+and money at taverns, clergymen forgetful of the dignity and sacred
+character of their profession, publicans imagining themselves fit for
+preachers, children calling their parents to account for their conduct,
+matrons acting the hoyden, and other incongruities--whenever we witness
+these and the like occurrences, we conclude that the actors therein have
+been playing a game with the Old Gentleman's Teetotum.
+
+
+
+
+"Woe to us when we lose the watery wall!"
+
+[_MAGA._ SEPTEMBER 1823.]
+
+
+ If e'er that dreadful hour should come--but God avert the day!--
+ When England's glorious flag must bend, and yield old Ocean's sway;
+ When foreign ships shall o'er that deep, where she is empress, lord;
+ When the cross of red from boltsprit-head is hewn by foreign sword;
+ When foreign foot her quarterdeck with proud stride treads along;
+ When her peaceful ships meet haughty check from hail of foreign
+   tongue;--
+ One prayer, one only prayer is mine--that, ere is seen that sight,
+ Ere there be warning of that woe, I may be whelmed in night!
+
+ If ever other prince than ours wield sceptre o'er that main,
+ Where Howard, Blake, and Frobisher, the Armada smote of Spain;
+ Where Blake, in Cromwell's iron sway, swept tempest-like the seas,
+ From North to South, from East to West, resistless as the breeze;
+ Where Russell bent great Louis' power, which bent before to none,
+ And crushed his arm of naval strength, and dimmed his Rising Sun--
+ One prayer, one only prayer is mine--that, ere is seen that sight,
+ Ere there be warning of that woe, I may be whelmed in night!
+
+ If ever other keel than ours triumphant plough that brine,
+ Where Rodney met the Count de Grasse, and broke the Frenchman's line,
+ Where Howe, upon the first of June, met the Jacobins in fight,
+ And with Old England's loud huzzas broke down their godless might;
+ Where Jervis at St Vincent's felled the Spaniards' lofty tiers,
+ Where Duncan won at Camperdown, and Exmouth at Algiers--
+ One prayer, one only prayer, is mine--that, ere is seen that sight,
+ Ere there be warning of that woe, I may be whelmed in night!
+
+ But oh! what agony it were, when we should think on thee,
+ The flower of all the Admirals that ever trod the sea!
+ I shall not name thy honoured name--but if the white-cliffed Isle
+ Which reared the Lion of the deep, the Hero of the Nile,
+ Him who, 'neath Copenhagen's self, o'erthrew the faithless Dane,
+ Who died at glorious Trafalgar, o'er-vanquished France and Spain,
+ Should yield her power, one prayer is mine--that, ere is seen that
+   sight,
+ Ere there be warning of that woe, I may be whelmed in night!
+
+
+
+
+MY COLLEGE FRIENDS.
+
+CHARLES RUSSELL, THE GENTLEMAN-COMMONER.
+
+[_MAGA._ AUGUST 1846.]
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+"Have you any idea who that fresh gentleman-commoner is?" said I to
+Savile, who was sitting next to me at dinner, one day soon after the
+beginning of term. We had not usually in the college above three or four
+of that privileged class, so that any addition to their table attracted
+more attention than the arrival of the vulgar herd of freshmen to fill
+up the vacancies at our own. Unless one of them had choked himself with
+his mutton, or taken some equally decided mode of making himself an
+object of public interest, scarcely any man of "old standing" would have
+even inquired his name.
+
+"Is he one of our men?" said Savile, as he scrutinised the party in
+question. "I thought he had been a stranger dining with some of them.
+Murray, you know the history of every man who comes up, I believe--who
+is he?"
+
+"His name is Russell," replied the authority referred to; "Charles
+Wynderbie Russell; his father's a banker in the city: Russell and Smith,
+you know, ---- Street."
+
+"Ay, I dare say," said Savile; "one of your rich tradesmen; they always
+come up as gentlemen-commoners, to show that they have lots of money: it
+makes me wonder how any man of decent family ever condescends to put on
+a silk gown." Savile was the younger son of a poor baronet, thirteenth
+in descent, and affected considerable contempt for any other kind of
+distinction.
+
+"Oh!" continued Murray, "this man is by no means of a bad family: his
+father comes of one of the oldest houses in Dorsetshire, and his mother,
+you know, is one of the Wynderbies of Wynderbie Court--a niece of Lord
+De Staveley's."
+
+"_I_ know!" said Savile; "nay, I never heard of Wynderbie Court in my
+life; but I dare say _you_ know, which is quite sufficient. Really,
+Murray, you might make a good speculation by publishing a genealogical
+list of the undergraduate members of the university--birth, parentage,
+family connections, governors' present incomes, probable expectations,
+&c. &c. It would sell capitally among the tradesmen--they'd know exactly
+when it was safe to give credit. You could call it _A Guide to Duns_."
+
+"Or a _History of the_ Un-_landed Gentry_," suggested I.
+
+"Well, he is a very gentlemanlike-looking fellow, that Mr Russell,
+banker or not," said Savile, as the unconscious subject of our
+conversation left the hall; "I wonder who knows him?"
+
+The same question might have been asked a week--a month after this
+conversation, without eliciting any very satisfactory answer. With the
+exception of Murray's genealogical information--the correctness of which
+was never doubted for a moment, though how or where he obtained this and
+similar pieces of history, was a point on which he kept up an amusing
+mystery--Russell was a man of whom no one appeared to know anything at
+all. The other gentlemen-commoners had, I believe, all called upon him,
+as a matter of courtesy to one of their own limited mess; but in almost
+every case it had merely amounted to an exchange of cards. He was either
+out of his rooms, or "sporting oak;" and "Mr C. W. Russell," on a bit of
+pasteboard, had invariably appeared in the note-box of the party for
+whom the honour was intended, on their return from their afternoon's
+walk or ride. Invitations to two or three wine-parties had followed, and
+been civilly declined. It was at one of these meetings that he again
+became the subject of conversation. We were a large party, at a man of
+the name of Tichborne's rooms, when some one mentioned having met "the
+Hermit," as they called him, taking a solitary walk about three miles
+out of Oxford the day before.
+
+"Oh, you mean Russell," said Tichborne: "well, I was going to tell you,
+I called on him again this morning, and found him in his rooms. In fact,
+I almost followed him in after lecture; for I confess I had some little
+curiosity to find out what he was made of!"
+
+"And did you find out?"--"What sort of a fellow is he?" asked
+half-a-dozen voices at once; for, to say the truth, the curiosity which
+Tichborne had just confessed had been pretty generally felt, even among
+those who usually affected a dignified disregard of all matters
+concerning the nature and habits of freshmen.
+
+"I sat with him for about twenty minutes; indeed, I should have staid
+longer, for I rather liked the lad; but he seemed anxious to get rid of
+me. I can't make him out at all, though. I wanted him to come here
+to-night, but he positively would not, though he didn't pretend to have
+any other engagement: he said he never, or seldom, drank wine."
+
+"Not drink wine!" interrupted Savile. "I always said he was some low
+fellow!"
+
+"I have known some low fellows drink their skins full of wine, though;
+especially at other men's expense," said Tichborne, who was evidently
+not pleased with the remark; "and Russell is _not_ a low fellow by any
+means."
+
+"Well, well," replied Savile, whose good-humour was imperturbable--"if
+you say so, there's an end of it: all I mean to say is, I can't conceive
+any man not drinking wine, unless for the simple reason that he prefers
+brandy-and-water, and that I _do_ call low. However, you'll excuse my
+helping myself to another glass of this particularly good claret,
+Tichborne, though it is at your expense: indeed, the only use of you
+gentlemen-commoners, that I am aware of, is to give us a taste of the
+senior common-room wine now and then. They do manage to get it good
+there, certainly. I wish they would give out a few dozens as prizes at
+collections; it would do us a great deal more good than a Russia-leather
+book with the college arms on it. I don't know that I shouldn't take to
+reading in that case."
+
+"Drink a dozen of it, old fellow, if you can," said Tichborne. "But
+really I am sorry we couldn't get Russell here this evening; I think he
+would be rather an acquisition, if he could be drawn out. As to his not
+drinking wine, that's a matter of taste; and he is not very likely to
+corrupt the good old principles of the college on that point. But he
+must please himself."
+
+"What does he do with himself?" said one of the party--"read?"
+
+"Why he didn't _talk_ about reading, as most of our literary freshmen
+do, which might perhaps lead one to suppose he really was something of a
+scholar; still, I doubt if he is what you call a reading man; I know he
+belongs to the Thucydides lecture, and I have never seen him there but
+once."
+
+"Ah!" said Savile, with a sigh, "that's another privilege of yours I had
+forgotten, which is rather enviable; you can cut lectures when you like,
+without getting a thundering imposition. Where does this man Russell
+live?"
+
+"He has taken those large rooms that Sykes used to have, and fitted up
+in such style; they were vacant, you remember, the last two terms; I had
+some thought of moving into them myself, but they were confoundedly
+expensive, and I didn't think it worth while. They cost Sykes I don't
+know how much, in painting and papering, and are full of all sorts of
+couches, and easy-chairs, and so forth. And this man seems to have got
+two or three good paintings into them; and, altogether, they are now the
+best rooms in college, by far."
+
+"Does he mean to hunt?" asked another.
+
+"No, I fancy not," replied our host: "though he spoke as if he knew
+something about it; but he said he had no horses in Oxford."
+
+"Nor anywhere else, I'll be bound; he's a precious slow coach, you may
+depend upon it." And with this decisive remark, Mr Russell and his
+affairs were dismissed for the time.
+
+A year passed away, and still, at the end of that time--(a long time it
+seemed in those days)--Russell was as much a stranger in college as
+ever. He had begun to be regarded as a rather mysterious person. Hardly
+two men in the college agreed in their estimate of his character. Some
+said he was a natural son--the acknowledged heir to a large fortune, but
+too proud to mix in society, under the consciousness of a dishonoured
+birth. But this suspicion was indignantly refuted by Murray, as much on
+behalf of his own genealogical accuracy, as for Russell's legitimacy--he
+was undoubtedly the true and lawful son and heir of Mr Russell the
+banker, of ---- Street. Others said he was poor; but his father was
+reputed to be the most wealthy partner in a wealthy firm, and was known
+to have a considerable estate in the west of England. There were not
+wanting those who said he was "eccentric"--in the largest sense of the
+term. Yet his manners and conduct, as far as they came within notice,
+were correct, regular, and gentlemanly beyond criticism. There was
+nothing about him which could fairly incur even the minor charge of
+being odd. He dressed well, though very plainly; would converse freely
+enough, upon any subject, with the few men who, from sitting at the
+sametable, or attending the same lectures, had formed a doubtful
+sort of acquaintance with him; and always showed great good sense, a
+considerable knowledge of the world, and a courtesy, and at the same
+time perfect dignity of manner, which effectually prevented any attempt
+to penetrate, by jest or direct question, the reserve in which he had
+chosen to enclose himself. All invitations he steadily refused; even to
+the extent of sending an excuse to the deans' and tutors' breakfast
+parties, to their ineffable disgust. Whether he read hard, or not, was
+equally a secret. He was regular in his attendance at chapel, and
+particularly attentive to the service; a fact which by no means tended
+to lower him in men's estimation, though in those days more remarkable
+than, happily, it would be now. At lectures, indeed, he was not equally
+exemplary, either as to attendance or behaviour; he was often absent
+when asked a question, and not always accurate when he replied; and
+occasionally declined translating a passage which came to his turn, on
+the ground of not having read it. Yet his scholarship, if not always
+strictly accurate, had a degree of elegance which betokened both talent
+and reading; and his taste was evidently naturally good, and classical
+literature a subject of interest to him. Altogether, it rather piqued
+the vanity of those who saw most of him, that he would give them no
+opportunity of seeing more; and many affected to sneer at him, as a
+"_muff_," who would have been exceedingly flattered by his personal
+acquaintance. Only one associate did Charles Russell appear to have in
+the university; and this was a little greenish-haired man in a scholar's
+gown, a perfect contrast to himself in appearance, whose name or college
+no man knew, though some professed to recognise him as a Bible-clerk of
+one of the smallest and most obscure of the halls.
+
+Attempts were made to pump out of his scout some information as to how
+Russell passed his time: for, with the exception of a daily walk,
+sometimes with the companion above mentioned, but much oftener alone,
+and his having been seen once or twice in a skiff on the river, he
+appeared rarely to quit his own rooms. Scouts are usually pretty
+communicative of all they know--and sometimes a great deal more--about
+the affairs of their many masters; and they are not inclined in general
+to hold a very high opinion of those among "their gentlemen" who, like
+Russell, are behindhand in the matter of wine and supper-parties--their
+own perquisites suffering thereby. But Job Allen was a scout of a
+thousand. His honesty and integrity made him quite the _rara avis_ of
+his class--_i.e._, a _white_ swan amongst a flock of black ones. Though
+really, since I have left the university, and been condemned to
+house-keeping, and have seen the peculation and perquisite-hunting
+existing pretty nearly in the same proportion amongst ordinary
+servants--and the higher you go in society the worse it seems to
+be--without a tittle of the activity and cleverness displayed by a good
+college scout, who provides supper and etceteras for an extemporary
+party of twenty or so at an hour's notice, without starting a difficulty
+or giving vent to a grumble, or neglecting any one of his other
+multifarious duties (further than perhaps borrowing for the service of
+the said supper some hard-reading freshman's whole stock of knives, and
+leaving him to spread his nocturnal bread and butter with his fingers);
+since I have been led to compare this with the fuss and fidget caused in
+a "well-regulated family" among one's own lazy vagabonds, by having an
+extra horse to clean, or by a couple of friends arriving unexpectedly
+to dinner, when they all stare at you as if you were expecting
+impossibilities, I have pretty well come to the conclusion, that
+college servants, like hedgehogs, are a grossly calumniated race of
+animals--wrongfully accused of getting their living by picking and
+stealing, whereas they are in fact rather more honest than the average
+of their neighbours. It is to be hoped that, like the hedgehogs, they
+enjoy a compensation in having too thick skins to be over-sensitive. At
+all events, Job Allen was an honest fellow. He had been known to
+expostulate with some of his more reckless masters upon the absurdities
+of their goings-on; and had more than once had a commons of bread flung
+at his head, when taking the opportunity of symptoms of repentance, in
+an evident disrelish for breakfast, to hint at the slow but inevitable
+approach of "degree-day." Cold chickens from the evening's supper-party
+had made a miraculous reappearance at next morning's lunch or
+breakfast; half-consumed bottles of port seemed, under his auspices, to
+lead charmed lives. No wonder, then, there was very little information
+about the private affairs of Russell to be got out of Job Allen. He had
+but a very poor talent for gossip, and none at all for invention. "Mr
+Russell's a very nice, quiet sort of gentleman, sir, and keeps his-self
+pretty much to his-self." This was Job's account of him; and, to curious
+inquirers, it was provoking both for its meagreness and its truth.
+"Who's his friend in the rusty gown, Job?"--"I thinks, sir, his name's
+Smith." "Is Mr Russell going up for a class, Job?"--"I can't say indeed,
+sir." "Does he read hard?"--"Not over-hard, I think, sir." "Does he sit
+up late, Job?"--"Not over-late, sir." If there was anything to tell, it
+was evident Job would neither commit himself nor his master.
+
+Russell's conduct was certainly uncommon. If he had been the son of a
+poor man, dependent for his future livelihood on his own exertions,
+eking out the scanty allowance ill-spared by his friends by the help
+of a scholarship or exhibition, and avoiding society as leading to
+necessary expense, his position would have been understood, and even,
+in spite of the prejudices of youthful extravagance, commended. Or
+if he had been a hard-reading man from choice--or a stupid man--or
+a "saint"--no one would have troubled themselves about him or his
+proceedings. But Russell was a gentleman-commoner, and a man who had
+evidently seen something of the world; a rich man, and apparently by no
+means of the character fitted for a recluse. He had dined once with
+the principal, and the two or three men who had met him there were
+considerably surprised at the easy gracefulness of his manners, and his
+information upon many points usually beyond the range of undergraduates:
+at his own table in hall, too, he never affected any reserve, although,
+perhaps from a consciousness of having virtually declined any intimacy
+with his companions, he seldom originated any conversation. It might
+have been assumed, indeed, that he despised the society into which he
+was thrown, but that his bearing, so far from being haughty, or even
+cold, was occasionally marked by apparent dejection. There was also,
+at times, a breaking out as it were of the natural spirits of youth,
+checked almost abruptly; and once or twice he had betrayed an interest
+in, and a knowledge of, field-sports and ordinary amusements, which for
+the moment made his hearers fancy, as Tichborne said, that he was
+"coming out." But if, as at first often happened, such conversations
+led to a proposal for a gallop with the harriers, or a ride the next
+afternoon, or a match at billiards, or even an invitation to a quiet
+breakfast-party--the refusal, though always courteous--and sometimes it
+was fancied unwilling--was always decided. And living day by day within
+reach of that close companionship which similarity of age, pursuits, and
+tastes, strengthened by daily intercourse, was cementing all around him,
+Charles Russell, in his twentieth year, in a position to choose his own
+society, and qualified to shine in it, seemed to have deliberately
+adopted the life of a recluse.
+
+There were some, indeed, who accounted for his behaviour on the ground
+of stinginess; and it was an opinion somewhat strengthened by one or
+two trifling facts. When the subscription-list for the college boat
+was handed to him, he put his name down for the minimum of one guinea,
+though Charley White, our secretary, with the happy union of impudence
+and "soft sawder" for which he was remarkable, delicately drew his
+attention to the fact, that no other gentleman-commoner had given less
+than five. Still it was not very intelligible that a man who wished to
+save his pocket, should choose to pay double fees for the privilege of
+wearing a velvet cap and silk gown, and rent the most expensive set of
+rooms in the college.
+
+It happened that I returned one night somewhat late from a friend's
+rooms out of college, and had the satisfaction to find that my scout, in
+an unusually careful mood, had shut my outer "oak," which had a spring
+lock, of which I never by any chance carried the key. It was too late to
+send for the rascal to open it, and I was just planning the possibility
+of effecting an entrance at the window by means of the porter's ladder,
+when the light in Russell's room caught my eye, and I remembered that,
+in the days of their former occupant, our keys used to correspond, very
+much to our mutual convenience. It was no very great intrusion, even
+towards one in the morning, to ask a man to lend you his door key, when
+the alternative seemed to be spending the night in the quadrangle: so I
+walked up his staircase, knocked, was admitted, and stated my business
+with all proper apologies. The key was produced most graciously, and
+down I went again--unluckily two steps at a time. My foot slipped, and
+one grand rattle brought me to the bottom: not head first, but feet
+first, which possibly is not quite so dangerous, but any gentleman who
+has tried it will agree with me that it is sufficiently unpleasant. I
+was dreadfully shaken; and when I tried to get up, found it no easy
+matter. Russell, I suppose, heard the fall, for he was by my side by the
+time I had collected my ideas. I felt as if I had skinned myself at
+slight intervals all down one side; but the worst of it was a sprained
+ankle. How we got up-stairs again I have no recollection; but when a
+glass of brandy had brought me to a little, I found myself in an
+easy-chair, with my foot on a stool, shivering and shaking like a wet
+puppy. I staid there a fortnight (not in the chair, reader, but in the
+rooms); and so it was I became intimately acquainted with Charles
+Russell. His kindness and attention to me were excessive; I wished of
+course to be moved to my own rooms at once, but he would not hear of it;
+and as I found every wriggle and twist which I gave quite sufficiently
+painful, I acceded to my surgeon's advice to remain where I was.
+
+It was not a very pleasant mode of introduction for either party.
+Very few men's acquaintance is worth the pains of bumping all the
+way down-stairs and spraining an ankle for: and for a gentleman who
+voluntarily confines himself to his own apartment and avoids society, to
+have another party chummed in upon him perforce, day and night, sitting
+in an arm-chair, with a suppressed groan occasionally, and an abominable
+smell of hartshorn--is, to say the least of it, not the happiest mode of
+hinting to him the evils of solitude. Whether it was that the one of us,
+compelled thus against his will to play the host, was anxious to show
+he was no churl by nature, and the other, feeling himself necessarily
+in a great degree an intruder and a bore, put forth more zealously any
+redeeming social qualities he might possess; be this as it might, within
+that fortnight Russell and I became sincere friends.
+
+I found him, as I had expected, a most agreeable and gentlemanlike
+companion, clever and well informed, and with a higher tone and more
+settled principles than are common to his age and position. But strongly
+contrasted with his usually cheerful manner, were sudden intervals of
+abstraction approaching to gloominess. In him, it was evidently not the
+result of caprice, far less of anything approaching to affectation. I
+watched him closely, partly from interest, partly because I had little
+else to do, and became convinced that there was some latent cause of
+grief or anxiety at work. Once in particular, after the receipt of some
+letters (they were always opened hurriedly, and apparently with a
+painful interest), he was so visibly discomposed and depressed in
+spirits, that I ventured to express a hope that they had contained no
+distressing intelligence. Russell seemed embarrassed at having betrayed
+any unusual emotion, and answered in the negative; adding, that "he knew
+he was subject to the blues occasionally"--and I felt I could say no
+more. But I suppose I did not look convinced; for catching my eyes fixed
+on him soon afterwards, he shook my hand and said, "Something _has_
+vexed me--I cannot tell you what; but I won't think about it again now."
+
+One evening, towards the close of my imprisonment, after a long and
+pleasant talk over our usual sober wind-up of a cup of coffee, some
+recent publication, tasteful, but rather expensive, was mentioned, which
+Russell expressed a wish to see. I put the natural question to a man in
+his position who could appreciate the book, and to whom a few pounds
+were no consideration--why did he not order it? He coloured slightly,
+and after a moment's hesitation hurriedly replied, "Because I cannot
+afford it." I felt a little awkwardness as to what to say next; for the
+style of everything round me betrayed a lavish disregard of expense, and
+yet the remark did not at all bear the tone of a jest. Probably Russell
+understood what was passing in my mind; for presently, without looking
+at me, he went on: "Yes, you may well think it a pitiful economy to
+grudge five guineas for a book like that, and indulge one's-self in such
+pompous mummery as we have here;" and he pushed down with his foot a
+massive and beautiful silver coffee-pot, engraved with half-a-dozen
+quarterings of arms, which, in spite of a remonstrance from me, had been
+blackening before the fire to keep its contents warm. "Never mind it,"
+he continued, as I in vain put out my hand to save it from falling--"it
+won't be damaged; it will fetch just as much per ounce; and I really
+cannot afford to buy an inferior article." Russell's behaviour up to
+this moment had been rational enough, but at the moment a suspicion
+crossed my mind that "eccentricity," as applied to his case, might
+possibly, as in some other cases, be merely an euphonism for something
+worse. However, I picked up the coffee-pot, and said nothing. "You must
+think me very strange, Hawthorne; I quite forgot myself at the moment;
+but if you choose to be trusted with a secret, which will be no secret
+long, I will tell you what will perhaps surprise you with regard to my
+own position, though I really have no right to trouble you with my
+confidences." I disclaimed any wish to assume the right of inquiring
+into private matters, but at the same time expressed, as I sincerely
+felt, an interest in what was evidently a weight on my companion's mind.
+"Well, to say the truth," continued Russell, "I think it will be a
+relief to me to tell you how I stand. I know that I have often felt of
+late that I am acting a daily lie here, to all the men about me;
+passing, doubtless, for a rich man, when in truth, for aught I know, I
+and all my family are beggars at this moment." He stopped, walked to the
+window, and returned. "I am surrounded here by luxuries which have
+little right within a college's walls; I occupy a distinctive position
+which you and others are supposed not to be able to afford; I never can
+mix with any of you, without, as it were, carrying with me everywhere
+the superscription written--'This is a rich man.' And yet, with all this
+outward show, I may be a debtor to your charity for my bread to-morrow.
+You are astonished, Hawthorne; of course you are. I am not thus playing
+the hypocrite willingly, believe me. Had I only my own comfort, and my
+own feelings to consult, I would take my name off the college books
+to-morrow. How I bear the life I lead, I scarcely know."
+
+"But tell me," said I, "as you have told me so much, what is the secret
+of all this?"
+
+"I will; I was going to explain. My only motive for concealment, my only
+reason for even wishing you to keep my counsel, is, because the
+character and prospects of others are concerned. My father, as I dare
+say you are aware, is pretty well known as the head of the firm of
+Russell and Smith: he passes for a rich man, of course; he _was_ a rich
+man, I believe, once; and I, his only son and heir--brought up as I was
+to look upon money as a plaything--I was sent to college of course as a
+gentleman-commoner. I knew nothing, as a lad, of my father's affairs:
+there were fools enough to tell me he was rich, and that I had nothing
+to do but to spend his money--and I did spend it--ay, too much of
+it--yet not so much, perhaps, as I might. Not since I came here,
+Hawthorne; oh no!--not since I found out that it was neither his nor
+mine to spend--I have not been so bad as that, thank God. And if ever
+man could atone, by suffering, for the thoughtlessness and extravagance
+of early days, I have well-nigh paid my penalty in full already. I told
+you, I entered here as a gentleman-commoner; my father came down to
+Oxford with me, chose my rooms, sent down this furniture and these
+paintings from town--thank Heaven, I never knew what they cost--ordered
+a couple of hunters and a groom for me--those I stopped from coming
+down--and, in fact, made every preparation for me to commence my career
+with credit as the heir-apparent to a large fortune. Some suspicions
+that all was not right had crossed my mind before: certain conversations
+between my father and cold-looking men of business, not meant for my
+ear, and very imperfectly understood--for it appeared to be my father's
+object to keep me totally ignorant of all the mysteries of banking--an
+increasing tendency on his part to grumble over petty expenses which
+implied ready payment, with an ostentatious profusion in show and
+entertainments--many slight circumstances put together had given me a
+sort of vague alarm at times, which I shook off, as often as it
+recurred, like a disagreeable dream. A week after I entered college, a
+letter from my only sister opened my eyes to the truth. What I had
+feared was a temporary embarrassment--a disagreeable necessity for
+retrenchment, or, at the worst, a stoppage of payment, and a respectable
+bankruptcy, which would injure no one but the creditors. What she spoke
+of was absolute ruin, poverty, and, what was worse, disgrace. It came
+upon me very suddenly--but I bore it. I am not going to enter into
+particulars about family matters to you, Hawthorne--you would not wish
+it, I know; let me only say, my sister Mary is an angel, and my father
+a weak-minded man--I will hope, not intentionally a dishonest one. But I
+have learnt enough to know that there are embarrassments from which he
+can never extricate himself with honour, and that every month, every
+week, that he persists in maintaining a useless struggle will only add
+misery to misery in the end. How long it may go on no one can say--but
+the end must come. My own first impulse was, of course, to leave this
+place at once, and so, at all events, to avoid additional expenses: but
+my father would not hear of it. I went to him, told him what I knew,
+though not how I had heard it, and drew from him a sort of confession
+that he had made some unfortunate speculations. But 'only let us keep up
+appearances'--those were his words--a little while, and all would be
+right again, he assured me. I made no pretence of believing him; but,
+Hawthorne, when he offered to go on his knees to me--and I his only
+son--and promised to retrench in every possible method that would not
+betray his motives, if I would but remain at college to take my
+degree--'to keep up appearances'--what could I do?"
+
+"Plainly," said I, "you did right: I do not see that you had any
+alternative. Nor have you any right to throw away your future prospects.
+Your father's unfortunate embarrassments are no disgrace to you."
+
+"So said my sister. I knew her advice must be right, and I consented to
+remain here. _You_ know I lead no life of self-indulgence; and the
+necessary expenses, even as a gentleman-commoner, are less than you
+would suppose, unless you had tried matters as closely as I have."
+
+"And with your talents--" said I.
+
+"My talents! I am conscious of but one talent at present: the faculty of
+feeling acutely the miserable position into which I have been forced.
+No, if you mean that I am to gain any sort of distinction by hard
+reading, it is simply what I cannot do. Depend upon it, Hawthorne, a man
+must have a mind tolerably at ease to put forth any mental exertion to
+good purpose. If this crash were once over, and I were reduced to my
+proper level in society--which will, I suppose, be pretty nearly that of
+a pauper--_then_ I think I could work for my bread either with head or
+hands: but in this wretchedly false position, here I sit bitterly, day
+after day, with books open before me perhaps, but with no heart to read,
+and no memory but for one thing. You know my secret now, Hawthorne, and
+it has been truly a relief to me to unburden my mind to some one here. I
+am very much alone, indeed; and it is not at all my nature to be
+solitary: if you will come and see me sometimes, now that you know all,
+it will be a real kindness. It is no great pleasure, I assure you," he
+continued, smiling, "to be called odd, and selfish, and stingy, by
+those of one's own age, as I feel I must be called; but it is much
+better than to lead the life I might lead--spending money which is not
+mine, and accustoming myself to luxuries, when I may soon have to depend
+on charity even for necessaries. For my own comfort, it might be better,
+as I said before, that the crisis came at once: still, if I remain here
+until I am qualified for some profession, by which I may one day be able
+to support my sister--that is the hope I feed on--why, then, this sort
+of existence may be endured."
+
+Russell had at least no reason to complain of having disclosed his mind
+to a careless listener. I was moved almost to tears at his story: but,
+stronger than all other feelings, was admiration of his principles and
+character. I felt that some of us had almost done him irreverence in
+venturing to discuss him so lightly as we had often done. How little we
+know the hearts of others, and how readily we prate about "seeing
+through" a man, when in truth what we see is but a surface, and the
+image conveyed to our mind from it but the reflection of ourselves!
+
+My intimacy with Russell, so strangely commenced, had thus rapidly and
+unexpectedly taken the character of that close connection which exists
+between those who have one secret and engrossing interest confined to
+themselves alone. We were now more constantly together, perhaps, than
+any two men in college: and many were the jokes I had to endure in
+consequence. Very few of my old companions had ventured to carry their
+attentions to me, while laid up in Russell's rooms, beyond an occasional
+call at the door to know how I was going on; and when I got back to
+my old quarters, and had refused one or two invitations on the plea
+of having Russell coming to spend a quiet evening with me, their
+astonishment and disgust were expressed pretty unequivocally, and
+they affected to call us "the exclusives." However, Russell was a man
+who, if he made few friends, gave no excuse for enemies; and, in
+time, my intimacy with him, and occasional withdrawals from general
+college society in consequence, came to be regarded as a pardonable
+weakness--unaccountable, but past all help--a subject on which the
+would-be wisest of my friends shook their heads and said nothing.
+
+I think this new connection was of advantage to both parties. To
+myself it certainly was. I date the small gleams of good sense and
+sobermindedness which broke in upon my character at that critical period
+of life, solely from my intercourse with Charles Russell. He, on the
+other hand, had suffered greatly from the want of that sympathy and
+support which the strongest mind at times stands as much in need of as
+the weakest, and which in his peculiar position could only be purchased
+by an unreserved confidence. From any premeditated explanation he would
+have shrunk; nor would he ever, as he himself confessed, have made the
+avowal he did to me, had it not escaped him by a momentary impulse. But,
+having made it, he seemed a happier man. His reading, which before had
+been desultory and interrupted, was now taken up in earnest: and idly
+inclined as I was myself, I became, with the pseudo sort of generosity
+not uncommon at that age, so much more anxious for his future success
+than my own, that, in order to encourage him, I used to go to his rooms
+to read with him, and we had many a hard morning's work together.
+
+We were very seldom interrupted by visitors: almost the only one was
+that unknown and unprepossessing friend of Russell's who has been
+mentioned before--his own contradictory in almost every respect. Very
+uncouth and dirty-looking he was, and stuttered terribly--rather, it
+seemed, from diffidence than from any natural defect. He showed some
+surprise on the first two or three occasions in which he encountered me,
+and made an immediate attempt to back out of the room again: and though
+Russell invariably recalled him, and showed an evident anxiety to treat
+him with every consideration, he never appeared at his ease for a
+moment, and made his escape as soon as possible. Russell always fixed
+a time for seeing him again--usually the next day; and there was
+evidently some object in these interviews, into which, as it was no
+concern of mine, I never inquired particularly, as I had already been
+intrusted with a confidence rather unusual as the result of a few weeks'
+acquaintance; and on the subject of his friend--"poor Smith," as he
+called him--Russell did not seem disposed to be communicative.
+
+Time wore on, and brought round the Christmas vacation. I thought it due
+to myself, as all young men do, to get up to town for a week or two if
+possible; and being lucky enough to have an old aunt occupying a very
+dark house, much too large for her, and who, being rather a prosy
+personage, a little deaf, and very opinionated, and therefore not a
+special object of attraction to her relations (her property was merely
+a life-interest), was very glad to get any one to come and see her--I
+determined to pay a visit, in which the score of obligations would
+be pretty equally balanced on both sides. On the one hand, the
+_tête-à-tête_ dinners with the old lady, and her constant catechising
+about Oxford, were a decided bore to me; while it required some
+forbearance on her part to endure an inmate who constantly rushed into
+the drawing-room without wiping his boots, who had no taste for old
+china, and against whom the dear dog Petto had an unaccountable but
+decided antipathy. (Poor dog! I fear he was ungrateful: I used to devil
+sponge biscuit internally for him after dinner, kept a snuff-box more
+for his use than my own, and prolonged his life, I feel confident, at
+least twelve months from apoplexy, by pulling hairs out of his tail with
+a pair of tweezers whenever he went to sleep.) On the other hand, my
+aunt had good wine, and I used to praise it; which was agreeable to both
+parties. She got me pleasant invitations, and was enabled herself to
+make her appearance in society with a live nephew in her suite, who in
+her eyes (I confess, reader, old aunts are partial) was a very eligible
+young man. So my visit, on the whole, was mutually agreeable and
+advantageous. I had my mornings to myself, gratifying the dowager
+occasionally by a drive with her in the afternoon; and we had sufficient
+engagements for our evenings to make each other's sole society rather an
+unusual infliction. It is astonishing how much such an arrangement tends
+to keep people the best friends in the world.
+
+I had attended my respectable relation one evening (or rather she had
+attended me, for I believe she went more for my sake than her own) to
+a large evening party, which was a ball in everything but the name.
+Nearly all in the rooms were strangers to me; but I had plenty of
+introductions, and the night wore on pleasantly enough. I saw a dozen
+pretty faces I had never seen before, and was scarcely likely to see
+again--the proportion of ugly ones I forbear to mention--and was
+prepared to bear the meeting and the parting with equal philosophy, when
+the sight of one very familiar face brought different scenes to my mind.
+Standing within half-a-dozen steps of me, and in close conversation with
+a lady, of whom I could see little besides a cluster of dark curls, was
+Ormiston, one of our college tutors, and one of the most universally
+popular men in Oxford. It would be wrong to say I was surprised to
+see him there or anywhere else, for his roll of acquaintance was most
+extensive, embracing all ranks and degrees; but I was very glad to see
+him, and made an almost involuntary dart forward in his direction. He
+saw me, smiled, and put out his hand, but did not seem inclined to enter
+into any conversation. I was turning away, when a sudden movement gave
+me a full view of the face of the lady to whom he had been talking. It
+was a countenance of that pale, clear, intellectual beauty, with a shade
+of sadness about the mouth, which one so seldom sees but in a picture,
+but which, when seen, haunts the imagination and the memory rather
+than excites passionate admiration. The eyes met mine, and, quite by
+accident, for the thoughts were evidently pre-occupied, retained for
+some moments the same fixed gaze with which I almost as unconsciously
+was regarding them. There was something in the features which seemed
+not altogether unknown to me; and I was beginning to speculate on the
+possibility of any small heroine of my boyish admiration having shot up
+into such sweet womanhood--such changes soon occur--when the eyes became
+conscious, and the head was rapidly turned away. I lost her a moment
+afterwards in the crowd, and although I watched the whole of the time
+we remained, with an interest that amused myself, I could not see her
+again. She must have left the party early.
+
+So strong became the impression on my mind that it was a face I had
+known before, and so fruitless and tantalising were my efforts to give
+it "a local habitation and a name"--that I determined at last to
+question my aunt upon the subject, though quite aware of the imputation
+that would follow. The worst of it was, I had so few tangible marks and
+tokens by which to identify my interesting unknown. However, at
+breakfast next morning, I opened ground at once, in answer to my
+hostess's remark that the rooms had been very full.
+
+"Yes, they were: I wanted very much, my dear aunt, to have asked you the
+names of all the people; but you really were so much engaged, I had no
+opportunity."
+
+"Ah! if you had come and sat by me, I could have told you all about
+them; but there were some very odd people there, too."
+
+"There was one rather interesting-looking girl I did not see dancing
+much--tallish, with pearl earrings."
+
+"Where was she sitting? how was she dressed?"
+
+I had only seen her standing; I never noticed--I hardly think I could
+have seen--even the colour of her dress.
+
+"Not know how she was dressed? My dear Frank, how strange!"
+
+"All young ladies dress alike now, aunt; there's really not much
+distinction; they seemed all black and white to me."
+
+"Certainly the balls don't look half so gay as they used to do: a little
+colour gives cheerfulness, I think." (The good old lady herself had worn
+crimson satin and a suite of chrysolites--if her theory were correct,
+she was enough to have spread a glow over the whole company.) "But let
+me see;--tall, with pearls, you say; dark hair and eyes?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"You must mean Lucy Fielding."
+
+"Nonsense, my dear ma'am--I beg a thousand pardons; but I was introduced
+to Miss Fielding, and danced with her--she squints."
+
+"My dear Frank, don't say such a thing!--she will have half the
+Strathinnis property when she comes of age. But let me see again. Had
+she a white rose in her hair?"
+
+"She had, I think; or something like it."
+
+"It might have been Lord Dunham's youngest daughter, who has just come
+out--she was there for an hour or so?"
+
+"No, no, aunt: I know her by sight too--a pale gawky thing, with an arm
+and hand like a prize-fighter's--oh no!"
+
+"Upon my word, my dear nephew, you young men give yourselves abominable
+airs: I call her a very fine young woman, and I have no doubt she will
+marry well, though she hasn't much fortune. Was it Miss Cassilis,
+then?--white tulle over satin, looped with roses, with gold sprigs"----
+
+"And freckles to match: why, she's as old as"----; I felt myself on
+dangerous ground, and filled up the hiatus, I fear not very happily, by
+looking full at my aunt.
+
+"Not so very old, indeed, my dear: she refused a very good offer last
+season: she cannot possibly be above"----
+
+"Oh! spare the particulars, pray, my dear ma'am; but you could not have
+seen the girl I mean: I don't think she staid after supper: I looked
+everywhere for her to ask who she was, but she must have been gone."
+
+"Really! I wish I could help you," said my aunt with a very insinuating
+smile.
+
+"Oh," said I, "what made me anxious to know who she was at the time, was
+simply that I saw her talking to an old friend of mine, whom you know
+something of, I believe; did you not meet Mr Ormiston somewhere last
+winter?"
+
+"Mr Ormiston! oh, I saw him there last night! and now I know who you
+mean; it must have been Mary Russell, of course; she did wear pearls,
+and plain white muslin."
+
+"Russell!--what Russells are they?"
+
+"Russell the banker's daughter; I suppose nobody knows how many
+thousands she'll have; but she is a very odd girl. Mr Ormiston is rather
+committed in that quarter, I fancy. Ah, he's a very gentlemanly man,
+certainly, and an old friend of the family; but that match would never
+do. Why, he must be ten years older than she is, in the first place, and
+hasn't a penny that I know of except his fellowship. No, no; she refused
+Sir John Maynard last winter, with a clear twelve thousand a-year; and
+angry enough her papa was about that, everybody says, though he never
+contradicts her; but she never will venture upon such a silly thing as a
+match with Mr Ormiston."
+
+"Won't she?" said I mechanically, not having had time to collect my
+thoughts exactly.
+
+"To be sure she won't," replied my aunt rather sharply. It certainly
+struck me that Mary Russell, from what her brother had told me, was a
+person very likely to show some little disregard of any conventional
+notions of what was, or what was not desirable in the matter of
+matrimony; but at the same time I inclined to agree with my aunt, that
+it was not very probable she would become Mrs Ormiston; indeed, I
+doubted any very serious intentions on his part. Fellows of colleges are
+usually somewhat lavish of admiration and attentions; but, as many young
+ladies know, very difficult to bring to book. Ormiston was certainly not
+a man to be influenced by the fortune which the banker's daughter might
+reasonably be credited with; if anything made the matter seem serious,
+it was that his opinion of the sex in general--as thrown out in an
+occasional hint or sarcasm--seemed to border on a supercilious contempt.
+
+I did not meet Miss Russell again during my short stay in town; but two
+or three days after this conversation, in turning the corner of the
+street, I came suddenly upon Ormiston. I used to flatter myself with
+being rather a favourite of his--not from any conscious merit on my
+part, unless that, during the year of his deanship, when summoned before
+him for any small atrocities, and called to account for them, I never
+took up his time or my own by any of the usual somewhat questionable
+excuses, but awaited my fate, whether "imposition" or reprimand, in
+silence--a plan which, with him, answered very well, and saved
+occasionally some straining of conscience on one side, and credulity on
+the other. I tried it with his successor, who decided that I was
+contumacious, because, the first time I was absent from chapel, in reply
+to his interrogations I answered nothing, and upon his persevering, told
+him that I had been at a very late supper-party the night before. I
+think, then, I was rather a favourite of Ormiston's. To say that he was
+a favourite of mine would be saying very little; for there could have
+been scarcely a man in college, of any degree of respectability, who
+would not have been ready to say the same. No man had a higher regard
+for the due maintenance of discipline, or his own dignity, and the
+reputation of the college; yet nowhere among the seniors could the
+undergraduate find a more judicious or a kinder friend. He had the art
+of mixing with them occasionally with all the unreservedness of an
+equal, without for a moment endangering the respect due to his position.
+There was no man you could ask a favour of--even if it infringed a
+little upon the strictness of college regulations--so readily as
+Ormiston; and no one appeared to retain more thoroughly some of his
+boyish tastes and recollections. He subscribed his five guineas to the
+boat, even after a majority of the fellows had induced our good old
+Principal, whose annual appearance at the river-side to cheer her at the
+races had seemed almost a part of his office, to promulgate a decree to
+the purport that boat-racing was immoral, and that no man engaged
+therein should find favour in the sight of the authorities. Yet, at the
+same time, Ormiston could give grave advice when needed; and give it
+in such a manner, that the most thoughtless among us received it as
+from a friend. And whenever he did administer a few words of pointed
+rebuke--and he did not spare it when any really discreditable conduct
+came under his notice--they fell the more heavily upon the delinquent,
+because the public sympathy was sure to be on the side of the judge.
+The art of governing young men is a difficult one, no doubt; but it is
+surprising that so few take any pains to acquire it. There were very few
+Ormistons, in my time, in the high places in Oxford.
+
+On that morning, however, Ormiston met me with evident embarrassment, if
+not with coolness. He started when he first saw me, and, had there been
+a chance of doing so with decency, looked as if he would have pretended
+not to recognise me. But we were too near for that, and our eyes met at
+once. I was really very glad to see him, and not at all inclined to
+be content with the short "How d'ye do?" so unlike his usual cordial
+greetings, with which he was endeavouring to hurry on; and there was a
+little curiosity afloat among my other feelings. So I fairly stopped him
+with a few of the usual inquiries, as to how long he had been in town,
+&c., and then plunged at once into the affair of the ball at which we
+had last met. He interrupted me at once.
+
+"By the way," said he, "have you heard of poor Russell's business?"
+
+I actually shuddered, for I scarcely knew what was to follow. As
+composedly as I could, I simply said, "No."
+
+"His father is ruined, they say--absolutely ruined. I suppose _that_ is
+no secret by this time, at all events. He cannot possibly pay even a
+shilling in the pound."
+
+"I'm very sorry indeed to hear it," was all I could say.
+
+"But do you know, Hawthorne," continued Ormiston, taking my arm with
+something like his old manner, and no longer showing any anxiety to cut
+short our interview, "I am afraid this is not the worst of it. There
+is a report in the city this morning, I was told, that Mr Russell's
+character is implicated by some rather unbusinesslike transactions.
+I believe you are a friend of poor Russell's, and for that reason I
+mention it to you in confidence. He may not be aware of it; but the
+rumour is, that his father _dare_ not show himself again here: that he
+has left England I know to be a fact."
+
+"And his daughter?--Miss Russell?" I asked involuntarily--"his children,
+I mean--where are they?"
+
+I thought Ormiston's colour heightened; but he was not a man to show
+much visible emotion. "Charles Russell and his sister are still in
+London," he replied; "I have just seen them. They know their father has
+left for the Continent; I hope they do _not_ know all the reasons. I am
+very sincerely sorry for young Russell; it will be a heavy blow to him,
+and I fear he will find his circumstances bitterly changed. Of course he
+will have to leave Oxford."
+
+"I suppose so," said I; "no one can feel more for him than I do. It was
+well, perhaps, that this did not happen in term time."
+
+"It has spared him some mortification, certainly. You will see him,
+perhaps, before you leave town; he will take it kind. And if you have
+any influence with him--(he will be inclined to listen just now to you,
+perhaps, more than to me; being more of his own age, he will give you
+credit for entering into his feelings)--do try and dissuade him from
+forming any wild schemes, to which he seems rather inclined. He has some
+kind friends, no doubt; and remember, if there is anything in which I
+can be of use to him, he shall have my aid even to the half of my
+kingdom--that is, my tutorship."
+
+And with a smile and tone which seemed a mixture of jest and earnest, Mr
+Ormiston wished me good-morning. He was to leave for Oxford that night.
+
+Of Russell's address in town I was up to this moment ignorant, but
+resolved to find it out, and see him before my return to the University.
+The next morning, however, a note arrived from him, containing a simple
+request that I would call. I found him at the place from which he
+wrote--one of those dull quiet streets that lead out of the Strand--in
+very humble lodgings; his father's private establishment having been
+given up, it appeared, immediately. The moment we met, I saw at once,
+as I expected, that the blow which to Ormiston had naturally seemed so
+terrible a one--no less than the loss, to a young man, of the wealth,
+rank, and prospects in life to which he had been taught to look
+forward--had been, in fact, to Russell a merciful relief. The failure of
+that long-celebrated and trusted house, which was causing in the public
+mind, according to the papers, so much "consternation" and "excitement,"
+was to him a consummation long foreseen, and scarcely dreaded. It was
+only the shadow of wealth and happiness which he had lost now; its
+substance had vanished long since. And the conscious hollowness and
+hypocrisy, as he called it, of his late position, had been a far more
+bitter trial to a mind like his, than any which could result from its
+exposure. He was one to hail with joy any change which brought him back
+to truth and reality, no matter how rude and sudden the revulsion.
+
+He met me with a smile; a really honest, almost a light-hearted smile.
+"It is come at last, Hawthorne; perhaps it would be wrong, or I feel as
+if I could say, thank God. There is but one point which touches me at
+all; what do they say about my father?" I told him--fortunately, my
+acquaintance lying but little among men of business, I could tell him so
+honestly--that I had heard nothing stated to his discredit.
+
+"Well, well; but they will soon. Oh! Hawthorne; the utter misery, the
+curse that money-making brings with it! That joining house to house, and
+field to field, how it corrupts all the better part of a man's nature! I
+vow to you, I believe my father would have been an honest man if he had
+but been a poor one! If he had never had anything to do with interest
+tables, and had but spent his capital, instead of trying to double and
+redouble it! One thing I have to thank him for; that he never would
+suffer me to imbibe any taste for business; he knew the evil and the
+pollution money-handling brings with it--I am sure he did; he encouraged
+me, I fear, in extravagance; but I bless him that he never encouraged me
+in covetousness."
+
+He grew a little calmer by degrees, and we sat down and took counsel as
+to his future plans. He was not, of course, without friends, and had
+already had many offers of assistance for himself and his sister; but
+his heart appeared, for the present, firmly bent upon independence. Much
+to my surprise, he decided on returning at once to Oxford, and reading
+for his degree. His sister had some little property settled upon
+her--some hundred and fifty pounds a-year; and this she had insisted on
+devoting to this purpose.
+
+"I love her too well," said Russell, "to refuse her: and trifling as
+this sum is,--I remember the time when I should have thought it little
+to keep me in gloves and handkerchiefs--yet, with management, it
+will be more than I shall spend in Oxford. Of course, I play the
+gentleman-commoner no longer; I shall descend to the plain stuff gown."
+
+"You'll go to a hall, of course?" said I; for I concluded he would at
+least avoid the mortification of so palpable a confession of reduced
+circumstances as this degradation of rank in his old college would be.
+
+"I can see no occasion for it; that is, if they will allow me to change;
+I have done nothing to be ashamed of, and shall be much happier than I
+was before. I only strike my false colours; and you know they were never
+carried willingly."
+
+I did not attempt to dissuade him, and soon after rose to take my leave.
+
+"I cannot ask my sister to see you now," he said, as we shook hands:
+"she is not equal to it. But some other time, I hope"----
+
+"At any other time, I shall be most proud of the introduction. By the
+way, have you seen Ormiston? He met me this morning, and sent some kind
+messages, to offer any service in his power."
+
+"He did, did he?"
+
+"Yes; and, depend upon it, he will do all he can for you in college; you
+don't know him very well, I think; but I am sure he takes an interest in
+you now, at all events," I continued, "and no man is a more sincere and
+zealous friend."
+
+"I beg your pardon, Hawthorne, but I fancy I _do_ know Mr Ormiston very
+well."
+
+"Oh! I remember, there seemed some coolness between you, because you
+never would accept his invitations. Ormiston thought you were too proud
+to dine with him; and then _his_ pride, which he has his share of, took
+fire. But that misunderstanding must be all over now."
+
+"My dear Hawthorne, I believe Mr Ormiston and I understand each other
+perfectly. Good-morning; I am sorry to seem abrupt, but I have a host of
+things, not the most agreeable, to attend to."
+
+It seemed quite evident that there was some little prejudice on
+Russell's part against Ormiston. Possibly he did not like his attentions
+to his sister. But that was no business of mine, and I knew the other
+too well to doubt his earnest wish to aid and encourage a man of
+Russell's high principles, and in his unfortunate position. None of us
+always know our best friends.
+
+The step which Russell had resolved on taking was, of course, an
+unusual one. Even the college authorities strongly advised him to
+remove his name to the books of one of the halls, where he would enter
+comparatively as a stranger, and where his altered position would not
+entail so many painful feelings. Every facility was offered him of doing
+so at one of them where a relative of our Principal's was the head,
+and even a saving in expense might thus be effected. But this evident
+kindness and consideration on their part, only confirmed him in the
+resolution of remaining where he was. He met their representations with
+the graceful reply, that he had an attachment to the college which did
+not depend upon the rank he held in it, and that he trusted he should
+not be turned out of two homes at once. Even the heart of the splenetic
+little vice-principal was moved by this genuine tribute to the venerable
+walls, which to him, as his mistress's girdle to the poet, encircled all
+he loved, or hoped, or cared for; and had the date been some century
+earlier--in those remarkable times when a certain fellow was said to
+have owed his election into that body to a wondrous knack he had at
+compounding sherry-posset--it is probable Charles Russell would have
+stepped into a fellowship by special license at once.
+
+He had harder work before him, however, and he set stoutly to it. He got
+permission to lodge out of college--a privilege quite unusual, and
+apparently without any sufficient object in his case. A day or two after
+his return, he begged me to go with him to see the rooms he had taken:
+and I was surprised to find that although small, and not in a good part
+of the town, they were furnished in a style by no means, I thought, in
+accordance with the strict economy I knew him to be practising in every
+other respect. They contained, on a small scale, all the appointments of
+a lady's drawing-room. It was soon explained. His sister was coming to
+live with him. "We are but two, now," said Russell in explanation; "and
+though poor Mary has been offered what might have been a comfortable
+home elsewhere, which perhaps would have been more prudent, we both
+thought, why should we be separated? As to these little things you see,
+they are nearly all hers: we offered them to the creditors, but even the
+lawyers would not touch them: and here Mary and I shall live. Very
+strange, you think, for her to be here in Oxford with no one to take
+care of her but me; but she does not mind that, and we shall be
+together. However, Hawthorne, we shall keep a dragon: there is an old
+housekeeper who would not be turned off, and she comes down with Mary,
+and may pass for her aunt, if that's all; so don't, pray, be shocked at
+us."
+
+And so the old housekeeper did come down, and Mary with her; and under
+such guardianship, a brother and an old servant, was that fair girl
+installed within the perilous precincts of the University of Oxford;
+perilous in more senses than one, as many a speculative and disappointed
+mamma can testify, whose daughters, brought to market at the annual
+"show" at commemoration, have left uncaught those dons of dignity, and
+heirs-apparent of property, whom they ought to have caught, and caught
+those well-dressed and good-looking, but undesirable young men, whom
+they ought not to have caught. Mary Russell, however, was in little
+peril herself, and, as little as she could help it, an occasion of peril
+to others. Seldom did she move out from her humble abode, except for an
+early morning walk with her brother, or sometimes leaning on the arm of
+her old domestic, so plainly dressed that you might have mistaken her
+for her daughter, and wondered how those intensely expressive features,
+and queen-like graces, should have been bestowed by nature on one so
+humble. Many a thoughtful student, pacing slowly the parks or
+Christchurch meadow after early chapel, book in hand, cheating himself
+into the vain idea that he was taking a healthful walk, and roused by
+the flutter of approaching female dress, and unwillingly looking up to
+avoid the possible and unwelcome collision with a smirking nurse-maid
+and an unresisting baby--has met those eyes, and spoilt his reading for
+the morning; or has paused in the running tour of Headington hill, or
+Magdalen walk (by which he was endeavouring to cram his whole allotted
+animal exercise for the day into an hour), as that sweet vision crossed
+his path, and wondered in his heart by what happy tie of relationship,
+or still dearer claim, his fellow-undergraduate had secured to himself
+so lovely a companion; and has tried in vain, over his solitary
+breakfast, to rid himself of the heterodox notion which would still
+creep in upon his thoughts, that in the world there might be, after all,
+things better worth living and working for, prizes more valuable--and
+perhaps not harder to win--than a first class, and living impersonations
+of the beautiful which Aristotle had unaccountably left out. Forgive me,
+dear reader, if I seem to be somewhat sentimental: I am not, and I
+honestly believe I never was, in love with Mary Russell; I am not--I
+fear I never was or shall be--much of a reading man or an early riser;
+but I will confess, it would have been a great inducement to me to adopt
+such habits, if I could have insured such pleasant company in my morning
+walks.
+
+To the general world of Oxford, for a long time, I have no doubt the
+very existence of such a jewel within it was unknown; for at the hours
+when liberated tutors and idle undergraduates are wont to walk abroad,
+Mary was sitting, hid within a little ambush of geraniums, either busy
+at her work, or helping--as she loved to fancy she helped him--her
+brother at his studies. Few men, I believe, ever worked harder than
+Russell did in his last year. With the exception of the occasional early
+walk, and the necessary attendance at chapel and lecture, he read hard
+nearly the whole day; and I always attributed the fact of his being able
+to do so with comparatively little effort, and no injury to his health,
+to his having such a sweet face always present, to turn his eyes upon,
+when wearied with a page of Greek, and such a kind voice always ready to
+speak or to be silent.
+
+It was not for want of access to any other society that Mary Russell
+spent her time so constantly with her brother. The Principal, with his
+usual kind-heartedness, had insisted--a thing he seldom did--upon his
+lady making her acquaintance; and though Mrs Meredith, who plumed
+herself much upon her dignity, had made some show of resistance at first
+to calling upon a young lady who was living in lodgings by herself in
+one of the most out-of-the-way streets in Oxford, yet, after her first
+interview with Miss Russell, so much did her sweetness of manner win
+upon Mrs Principal's fancy--or perhaps it will be doing that lady but
+justice to say, so much did her more than orphan unprotectedness and
+changed fortunes soften the woman's heart that beat beneath that
+formidable exterior of silk and ceremony, that before the first ten
+minutes of what had been intended as a very condescending and very
+formal call were over, she had been offered a seat in Mrs Meredith's
+official pew in St Mary's; the pattern of a mysterious bag, which that
+good lady carried everywhere about with her, it was believed for no
+other purpose; and an airing the next day behind the fat old greys,
+which their affectionate coachman--in commemoration of his master's
+having purchased them at the time he held that dignity--always called by
+the name of the "Vice-Chancellors." Possibly an absurd incident, which
+Mary related with great glee to her brother and myself, had helped to
+thaw the ice in which "our governess" usually encased herself. When the
+little girl belonging to the lodgings opened the door to these dignified
+visitors, upon being informed that Miss Russell was at home, the
+Principal gave the name simply as "Dr and Mrs Meredith:" which, not
+appearing to his more pompous half at all calculated to convey a due
+impression of the honour conveyed by the visit, she corrected him, and
+in a tone quite audible--as indeed every word of the conversation
+had been--up the half-dozen steep stairs which led to the little
+drawing-room, gave out "the Master of ---- and lady, if you please." The
+word "master" was quite within the comprehension of the little domestic,
+and dropping an additional courtesy of respect to an office which
+reminded her of her catechism and the Sunday school, she selected the
+appropriate feminine from her own vocabulary, and threw open the door
+with "the master and mistress of ----, if you please, Miss." Dr Meredith
+laughed, as he entered, so heartily, that even Mary could not help
+smiling, and the "mistress," seeing the odds against her, smiled too. An
+acquaintance begun in such good humour, could hardly assume a very
+formal character; and, in fact, had Mary Russell not resolutely declined
+all society, Mrs Meredith would have felt rather a pleasure in
+patronising her. But both her straitened means and the painful
+circumstances of her position--her father already spoken of almost as
+a criminal--led her to court strict retirement; while she clung with
+redoubled affection to her brother. He, on his part, seemed to have
+improved in health and spirits since his change of fortunes; the
+apparent haughtiness and coldness with which many had charged him
+before, had quite vanished; he showed no embarrassment, far less any
+consciousness of degradation, in his conversation with any of his
+old messmates at the gentlemen-commoners' table; and, though his
+communication with the college was but comparatively slight, nearly all
+his time being spent in his lodgings, he was becoming quite a popular
+character.
+
+Meanwhile, a change of a different kind seemed to be coming over
+Ormiston. It was remarked, even by those not much given to observation,
+that his lectures, which were once considered endurable, even by idle
+men, from his happy talent of remark and illustration, were fast
+becoming as dull and uninteresting as the common run of all such
+business. Moreover, he had been in the habit of giving, occasionally,
+capital dinners, invitations to which were sent out frequently and
+widely among the young men of his own college; these ceased almost
+entirely; or, when they occurred, had but the shadow of their former
+joyousness. Even some of the fellows were known to have remarked that
+Ormiston was much altered lately; some said he was engaged to be
+married--a misfortune which would account for any imaginable
+eccentricities; but one of the best of the college livings falling
+vacant about the time, and, on its refusal by the two senior fellows,
+coming within Ormiston's acceptance, and being passed by him, tended
+very much to do away with any suspicion of that kind.
+
+Between him and Russell there was an evident coolness, though noticed by
+few men but myself; yet Ormiston always spoke most kindly of him, while
+on Russell's part there seemed to be a feeling almost approaching to
+bitterness, ill concealed, whenever the tutor became the subject of
+conversation. I pressed him once or twice upon the subject, but he
+always affected to misunderstand me, or laughed off any sarcastic remark
+he might have made, as meaning nothing; so that at last the name was
+seldom mentioned between us, and almost the only point on which we
+differed seemed to be our estimation of Ormiston.
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+It was the last night of the boat-races. All Oxford, town and gown, was
+on the move between Iffley and Christchurch meadow. The reading man had
+left his ethics only half understood, the rowing man his bottle more
+than half finished, to enjoy as beautiful a summer evening as ever
+gladdened the banks of Isis. One continued heterogeneous living stream
+was pouring on from St "_Ole's_" to King's barge, and thence across the
+river in punts, down to the starting-place by the lasher. One moment
+your tailor puffed a cigar in your face, and the next, just as you made
+some critical remark to your companion on the pretty girl you just
+passed, and turned round to catch a second glimpse of her, you trod on
+the toes of your college tutor. The contest that evening was of more
+than ordinary interest. The new Oriel boat, a London-built clipper, an
+innovation in those days, had bumped its other competitor easily in the
+previous race, and only Christchurch now stood between her and the head
+of the river. And would they, could they, bump Christchurch to-night?
+That was the question to which, for the time being, the coming
+examination and the coming St Leger both gave way. Christchurch, that
+had not been bumped for ten years before--whose old blue and white flag
+stuck at the top of the mast as if it had been nailed there--whose motto
+on the river had so long been "Nulli secundus?" It was an important
+question, and the Christchurch men evidently thought so. Steersman
+and pullers had been summoned up from the country, as soon as that
+impertinent new boat had begun to show symptoms of being a dangerous
+antagonist, by the rapid progress she was making from the bottom towards
+the head of the racing-boats. The old heroes of bygone contests were
+enlisted again, like the Roman legionaries, to fight the battles of
+their _vexillum_, the little three-cornered bit of blue-and-white silk
+before mentioned; and the whole betting society of Oxford were divided
+into two great parties, the Oriel and the Christchurch,--the supporters
+of the old, or of the new dynasty of eight oars.
+
+Never was signal more impatiently waited for than the pistol-shot which
+was to set the boats in motion that night. Hark! "Gentlemen,
+are--you--ready?" "No, no!" shouts some umpire, dissatisfied with the
+position of his own boat at the moment. "Gentlemen, are--you--ready?"
+Again "No, no, no!" How provoking! Christchurch and Oriel both
+beautifully placed, and that provoking Exeter, or Worcester, or some
+boat that no one but its own crew takes the slightest interest in
+to-night, right across the river! And it will be getting dusk soon. Once
+more--and even Wyatt, the starter, is getting impatient--"Are you
+ready?" Still a cry of "No, no," from some crew who evidently never will
+be satisfied. But there goes the pistol. They're off, by all that's
+glorious! "Now Oriel!" "Now Christchurch!" Hurrah! beautifully are both
+boats pulled--how they lash along the water! Oriel gains evidently! But
+they have not got into their speed yet, and the light boat has the best
+of it at starting. "Hurrah, Oriel, it's all your own way!" "Now,
+Christchurch, away with her!" Scarcely is an eye turned on the boats
+behind; and, indeed, the two first are going fast away from them. They
+reach the Gut, and at the turn Oriel presses her rival hard. The cheers
+are deafening; bets are three to one. She must bump her! "Now,
+Christchurch, go to work in the straight water!" Never did a crew pull
+so well, and never at such a disadvantage. Their boat is a tub compared
+with the Oriel. See how she buries her bow at every stroke. Hurrah,
+Christchurch! The old boat for ever! Those last three strokes gained a
+yard on Oriel! She holds her own still! Away they go, those old steady
+practised oars, with that long slashing stroke, and the strength and
+pluck begins to tell. Well pulled, Oriel! Now for it! Not an oar out of
+time, but as true together as a set of teeth! But it won't do! Still
+Christchurch, by sheer dint of muscle, keeps her distance, and the old
+flag floats triumphant yet another year.
+
+Nearly hustled to death in the rush up with the racing boats, I panted
+into the stern sheets of a four-oar lying under the bank, in which I saw
+Leicester and some others of my acquaintance. "Well, Horace," said I,
+"what do you think of Christchurch now?" (I had sufficient Tory
+principle about me at all times to be a zealous supporter of the "old
+cause," even in the matter of boat-racing.) "How are your bets upon the
+London clipper, eh?" "Lost, by Jove," said he; "but Oriel ought to have
+done it to-night; why, they bumped all the other boats easily, and
+Christchurch was not so much better; but it was the old oars coming up
+from the country that did it. But what on earth is all that rush about
+up by the barges? They surely are not going to fight it out after all?"
+
+Something had evidently occurred which was causing great confusion; the
+cheering a moment before had been deafening from the partisans of
+Christchurch, as the victorious crew, pale and exhausted with the
+prodigious efforts they had made, mustered their last strength to throw
+their oars aloft in triumph, and then slowly, one by one, ascended into
+the house-boat which formed their floating dressing-room; it had now
+suddenly ceased, and confused shouts and murmurs, rather of alarm than
+of triumph, were heard instead: men were running to and fro on both
+banks of the river, but the crowd both in the boats on the river and on
+shore made it impossible for us to see what was going on. We scrambled
+up the bank, and were making for the scene of action, when one of the
+river-officials ran hastily by in the direction of Iffley.
+
+"What's the matter, Jack?"
+
+"Punt gone down, sir," he replied without stopping; "going for the
+drags."
+
+"Anybody drowning?" we shouted after him.
+
+"Don't know how many was in her, sir," sung out Jack in the distance. We
+ran on. The confusion was terrible; every one was anxious to be of use,
+and more likely therefore to increase the danger. The punt which had
+sunk had been, as usual on such occasions, overloaded with men, some of
+whom had soon made good their footing on the neighbouring barges; others
+were still clinging to their sides, or by their endeavours to raise
+themselves into some of the light wherries and four oars, which, with
+more zeal than prudence, were crowding to their assistance, were
+evidently bringing a new risk upon themselves and their rescuers. Two of
+the last of the racing eights, too, coming up to the winning-post at the
+moment of the accident, and endeavouring vainly to back water in time,
+had run into each other, and lay helplessly across the channel, adding
+to the confusion, and preventing the approach of more efficient aid to
+the parties in the water. For some minutes it seemed that the disaster
+must infallibly extend itself. One boat, whose crew had incautiously
+crowded too much to one side, in their eagerness to aid one of the
+sufferers in his struggles to get on board, had already been upset,
+though fortunately not in the deepest water, so that the men, with a
+little assistance, easily got on shore. Hundreds were vociferating
+orders and advice, which few could hear, and none attended to. The most
+effectual aid that had been rendered was the launching of two large
+planks from the University barge, with ropes attached to them, which
+several of those who had been immersed succeeded in reaching, and so
+were towed safely ashore. Still, however, several were seen struggling
+in the water, two or three with evidently relaxing efforts; and the
+unfortunate punt, which had righted and come up again, though full of
+water, had two of her late passengers clinging to her gunwale, and thus
+barely keeping their heads above the water's edge. The watermen had done
+their utmost to be of service, but the University men crowded so rashly
+into every punt that put off to the aid of their companions, that
+their efforts would have been comparatively abortive, had not one
+of the pro-proctors jumped into one, with two steady hands, and
+authoritatively ordering every man back who attempted to accompany him,
+reached the middle of the river, and having rescued those who were in
+most imminent danger, succeeded in clearing a sufficient space round the
+spot to enable the drags to be used (for it was quite uncertain whether
+there might not still be some individuals missing). Loud cheers from
+each bank followed this very sensible and seasonable exercise of
+authority; another boat, by this example, was enabled to disencumber
+herself of superfluous hands, and by their united exertions all who
+could be seen in the water were soon picked up and placed in safety.
+When the excitement had in some degree subsided, there followed a
+suspense which was even more painful, as the drags were slowly moved
+again and again across the spot where the accident had taken place.
+Happily our alarm proved groundless. One body was recovered, not an
+University man, and in his case the means promptly used to restore
+animation were successful. But it was not until late in the evening that
+the search was given up, and even the next morning it was a sensible
+relief to hear that no college had found any of its members missing.
+
+I returned to my rooms as soon as all reasonable apprehension of a fatal
+result had subsided, though before the men had left off dragging; and
+was somewhat surprised, and at first amused, to recognise, sitting
+before the fire in the disguise of my own dressing-gown and slippers,
+Charles Russell.
+
+"Hah! Russell, what brings you here at this time of night?" said I;
+"however, I'm very glad to see you."
+
+"Well, I'm not sorry to find myself here, I can tell you; I have been in
+a less comfortable place to-night."
+
+"What do you mean?" said I, as a suspicion of the truth flashed upon
+me--"Surely"----
+
+"I have been in the water, that's all," replied Russell quietly; "don't
+be alarmed, my good fellow, I'm all right now. John has made me quite at
+home here, you see. We found your clothes a pretty good fit, got up a
+capital fire at last, and I was only waiting for you to have some
+brandy-and-water. Now, don't look so horrified, pray."
+
+In spite of his good spirits, I thought he looked pale; and I was
+somewhat shocked at the danger he had been in--more so from the
+suddenness of the information.
+
+"Why," said I, as I began to recall the circumstance, "Leicester and I
+came up not two minutes after it happened, and watched nearly every man
+that was got out. You could not have been in the water long then, I
+hope?"
+
+"Nay, as to that," said Russell, "it seemed long enough to me, I can
+tell you, though I don't recollect all of it. I got underneath a punt or
+something, which prevented my coming up as soon as I ought."
+
+"How did you get out at last?"
+
+"Why, that I don't quite remember; I found myself on the walk by King's
+barge; but they had to turn me upside down, I fancy, to empty me. I'll
+take that brandy by itself, Hawthorne, for I think I have the necessary
+quantity of water stowed away already."
+
+"Good heavens! don't joke about it; why, what an escape you must have
+had!"
+
+"Well, seriously then, Hawthorne, I _have_ had a very narrow escape, for
+which I am very thankful; but I don't want to alarm any one about it,
+for fear it should reach my sister's ears, which I very much wish to
+avoid, for the present at all events. So I came up to your rooms here as
+soon as I could walk. Luckily, John saw me down at the water, so I came
+up with him, and got rid of a good many civil people who offered their
+assistance; and I have sent down to the lodgings to tell Mary I have
+staid to supper with you; so I shall get home quietly, and she will know
+nothing about this business. Fortunately, she is not in the way of
+hearing much Oxford gossip, poor girl!"
+
+Russell sat with me about an hour, and then, as he said he felt very
+comfortable, I walked home with him to the door of his lodgings, where I
+wished him good night, and returned.
+
+I had intended to have paid him an early visit the next morning; but
+somehow I was lazier than usual, and had scarcely bolted my commons in
+time to get to lecture. This over, I was returning to my rooms, when my
+scout met me.
+
+"Oh, sir," said he, "Mr Smith has just been here, and wanted to see you,
+he said, particular."
+
+Mr Smith? Of all the gentlemen there might be of that name in Oxford, I
+thought I had not the honour of a personal acquaintance with one.
+
+"Mr Russell's Mr Smith, sir," explained John: "the little gentleman as
+used to come to his rooms so often."
+
+I walked up the staircase, ruminating within myself what possible
+business "poor Smith" could have with me, of whom he had usually
+appeared to entertain a degree of dread. Something to do with Russell,
+probably. And I had half resolved to take the opportunity to call upon
+him, and try to make out who and what he was, and how he and Russell
+came to be so intimately acquainted. I had scarcely stuck old Herodotus
+back into his place on the shelf, however, when there came a gentle tap
+at the door, and the little Bible-clerk made his appearance. All
+diffidence and shyness had wholly vanished from his manner. There was an
+earnest expression in his countenance which struck me even before he
+spoke. I had scarcely time to utter the most commonplace civility, when,
+without attempt at explanation or apology, he broke out with--"Oh, Mr
+Hawthorne, have you seen Russell this morning?"
+
+"No," said I, thinking he might possibly have heard some false report of
+the late accident--"but he was in my rooms last night, and none the
+worse for his wetting."
+
+"Oh, yes, yes! I know that; but pray, come down and see him now--he is
+very, very ill, I fear."
+
+"You don't mean it? What on earth is the matter?"
+
+"Oh! he has been in a high fever all last night! and they say he is
+worse this morning--Dr Wilson and Mr Lane are both with him--and poor
+Miss Russell!--he does not know her--not know his sister; and oh, Mr
+Hawthorne, he must be _very_ ill! and they won't let me go to him!"
+
+And poor Smith threw himself into a chair, and fairly burst into tears.
+
+I was very much distressed too: but, at the moment, I really believe I
+felt more pity for the poor lad before me, than even apprehension for my
+friend Russell. I went up to him, shook his hand, and begged him to
+compose himself. Delirium, I assured him--and tried hard to assure
+myself--was the usual concomitant of fever, and not at all alarming.
+Russell had taken a chill, no doubt, from the unlucky business of the
+last evening, but there could not be much danger in so short a time.
+"And now, Smith," said I, "just take a glass of wine, and you and I
+will go down together, and I dare say we shall find him better by this
+time."
+
+"Oh, thank you, thank you," he replied; "you are very kind--very kind
+indeed--no wine, thank you--I could not drink it: but oh! if they would
+only let me see him! And poor Miss Russell! and no one to attend to him
+but her!--but will you come down now directly?"
+
+My own anxiety was not less than his, and in a very few minutes we were
+at the door of Russell's lodgings. The answer to our inquiries was, that
+he was in much the same state, and that he was to be kept perfectly
+quiet; the old housekeeper was in tears; and although she said Dr Wilson
+told them he hoped there would be a change for the better soon, it was
+evident that poor Russell was at present in imminent danger.
+
+I sent up my compliments to Miss Russell to offer my services in any way
+in which they could be made available; but nothing short of the most
+intimate acquaintance could have justified any attempt to see her at
+present, and we left the house. I thought I should never have got Smith
+from the door; he seemed thoroughly overcome. I begged him to come with
+me back to my rooms--a Bible-clerk has seldom too many friends in the
+University, and it seemed cruel to leave him by himself in such evident
+distress of mind. Attached as I was to Russell myself, his undisguised
+grief really touched me, and almost made me reproach myself with being
+comparatively unfeeling. At any other time, I fear it might have annoyed
+me to encounter as I did the inquisitive looks of some of my friends, as
+I entered the college gates arm-in-arm with my newly-found and somewhat
+strange-looking acquaintance. As it was, the only feeling that arose in
+my mind was a degree of indignation that any man should venture to throw
+a supercilious glance at him; and if I longed to replace his shabby and
+ill-cut coat by something more gentlemanly in appearance, it was for his
+sake, and not my own.
+
+And now it was that, for the first time, I learnt the connection that
+existed between the Bible-clerk and the quondam gentleman-commoner.
+Smith's father had been for many years a confidential clerk in Mr
+Russell's bank; for Mr Russell's bank it was solely, the Smith who had
+been one of the original partners having died some two generations back,
+though the name of the firm, as is not unusual, had been continued
+without alteration. The clerk was a poor relation, in some distant
+degree, of the some-time partner: his father, too, had been a clerk
+before him. By strict carefulness, he had saved some little money during
+his many years of hard work: and this, by special favour on the part of
+Mr Russell, he had been allowed to invest in the bank capital, and
+thereby to receive a higher rate of interest for it than he could
+otherwise have obtained. The elder Smith's great ambition--indeed it was
+his only ambition--for the prosperity of the bank itself he looked upon
+as a law of nature, which did not admit of the feeling of hope, as being
+a fixed and immutable certainty--his ambition was to bring up his son as
+a gentleman. Mr Russell would have given him a stool and a desk, and he
+might have aspired hereafter to his father's situation, which would have
+assured him £250 per annum. But somehow the father did not wish the son
+to tread in his own steps. Perhaps the close confinement, and
+unrefreshing relaxations of a London clerk, had weighed heavily upon his
+own youthful spirits: perhaps he was anxious to spare the son of his old
+age--for, like a prudent man, he had not married until late in
+life--from the unwholesome toils of the counting-house, varied only too
+often by the still less wholesome dissipation of the evening. At all
+events, his visions for him were not of annually increasing salaries,
+and future independence: of probable partnerships, and possible
+lord-mayoralties; but of some cottage among green trees, far away in the
+quiet country, where, even as a country parson, people would touch their
+hats to him as they did to Mr Russell himself, and where, when the time
+should come for superannuation and a pension--the house had always
+behaved liberally to its old servants--his own last days might be
+happily spent in listening to his son's sermons, and smoking his
+pipe--if such a thing were lawful--in the porch of the parsonage. So
+while the principal was carefully training his heir to enact the
+fashionable man at Oxford, and in due time to take his place among the
+squires of England, and shunning, as if with a kind of remorseful
+conscience, to make him a sharer in his own contaminating speculations;
+the humble official too, but from far purer motives, was endeavouring in
+his degree, perhaps unconsciously, to deliver his boy from the snares of
+Mammon. And when Charles Russell was sent to the University, many were
+the inquiries which Smith's anxious parent made, among knowing friends,
+about the expenses and advantages of an Oxford education. And various,
+according to each individual's sanguine or saturnine temperament, were
+the answers he obtained, and tending rather to his bewilderment than
+information. One intimate acquaintance assured him, that the necessary
+expenses of an undergraduate _need_ not exceed a hundred pounds per
+annum: another--he was somewhat of a sporting character--did not believe
+any young man could do the thing like a gentleman under five. So Mr
+Smith would probably have given up his darling project for his son in
+despair, if he had not fortunately thought of consulting Mr Russell
+himself upon the point; and that gentleman, though somewhat surprised at
+his clerk's aspiring notions, good-naturedly solved the difficulty as
+to ways and means, by procuring for his son a Bible-clerk's appointment
+at one of the Halls, upon which he could support himself respectably,
+with comparatively little pecuniary help from his friends. With his
+connections and interest, it was no great stretch of friendly exertion
+in behalf of an old and trusted servant; but to the Smiths, father
+and son, both the munificence which designed such a favour, and the
+influence which could secure it, tended to strengthen if possible their
+previous conviction that the power and the bounty of the house of
+Russell came within a few degrees of omnipotence. Even now, when recent
+events had so fearfully shaken them from this delusion; when the
+father's well-earned savings had disappeared in the general wreck with
+the hoards of wealthier creditors, and the son was left almost wholly
+dependent on the slender proceeds of his humble office; even now, as he
+told me the circumstances just mentioned, regret at the ruined fortunes
+of his benefactors seemed in a great measure to overpower every personal
+feeling. In the case of the younger Russell, indeed, this gratitude was
+not misplaced. No sooner was he aware of the critical situation of his
+father's affairs, and the probability of their involving all connected
+with him, than, even in the midst of his own harassing anxieties, he
+turned his attention to the prospects of the young Bible-clerk, whose
+means of support, already sufficiently narrow, were likely to be further
+straitened in the event of a bankruptcy of the firm. His natural
+good-nature had led him to take some little notice of young Smith on his
+first entrance at the University, and he knew his merits as a scholar to
+be very indifferent. The obscure suburban boarding-school at which he
+had been educated, in spite of its high-sounding name--"Minerva House,"
+I believe--was no very sufficient preparation for Oxford. Where the
+Greek and the washing are both extras at three guineas per annum, one
+clean shirt in the week, and one lesson in _Delectus_, are perhaps as
+much as can reasonably be expected. Poor Smith had, indeed, a fearful
+amount of up-hill work, to qualify himself even for his "little-go."
+Charles Russell, not less to his surprise than to his unbounded
+gratitude, inasmuch as he was wholly ignorant of his motives for taking
+so much trouble, undertook to assist and direct him in his reading: and
+Smith, when he had got over his first diffidence, having a good share of
+plain natural sense, and hereditary habits of plodding, made more rapid
+progress than might have been expected. The frequent visits to Russell's
+rooms, whose charitable object neither I nor any one else could have
+guessed, had resulted in a very safe pass through his first formidable
+ordeal, and he seemed now to have little fear of eventual success for
+his degree, with a strong probability of being privileged to starve
+upon a curacy thereafter. But for Russell's aid, he would, in all
+likelihood, have been remanded from his first examination back to his
+father's desk, to the bitter mortification of the old man at the time,
+and to become an additional burden to him on the loss at once of his
+situation and his little capital.
+
+Poor Smith! it was no wonder that, at the conclusion of his story,
+interrupted constantly by broken expressions of gratitude, he wrung his
+hands, and called Charles Russell the only friend he had in the world.
+"And, oh! if he were to die! Do you think he will die?"
+
+I assured him I hoped and trusted not; and with the view of relieving
+his and my own suspense, though it was little more than an hour since we
+had left his lodgings, we went down again to make inquiries. The street
+door was open, and so was that of the landlady's little parlour, so we
+walked in at once. She shook her head in reply to our inquiries. "Dr
+Wilson has been up-stairs with him, sir, for the last hour nearly, and
+he has sent twice to the druggist's for some things, and I fancy he's no
+better at all events."
+
+"How is Miss Russell?" I inquired.
+
+"Oh, sir, she don't take on much--not at all, as I may say; but she
+don't speak to nobody, and she don't take nothing: twice I have carried
+her up some tea, poor thing, and she just tasted it because I begged
+her, and she wouldn't refuse me, I know--but, poor dear young lady! it
+is very hard upon her, and she all alone like."
+
+"Will you take up my compliments--Mr Hawthorne--and ask if I can be of
+any possible service?" said I, scarce knowing what to say or do. Poor
+girl! she was indeed to be pitied; her father ruined, disgraced, and a
+fugitive from the law; his only son--the heir of such proud hopes and
+expectations once--lying between life and death; her only brother, her
+only counsellor and protector, now unable to recognise or to speak to
+her--and she so unused to sorrow or hardship, obliged to struggle on
+alone, and exert herself to meet the thousand wants and cares of
+illness, with the added bitterness of poverty.
+
+The answer to my message was brought back by the old housekeeper, Mrs
+Saunders. She shook her head, said her young mistress was very much
+obliged, and would be glad if I would call and see her brother
+to-morrow, when she hoped he would be better. "But oh, sir!" she added,
+"he will never be better any more! I know the doctors don't think so,
+but I can't tell her, poor thing--I try to keep her up, sir; but I do
+wish some of her own friends were here--she won't write to anybody, and
+I don't know the directions"--and she stopped, for her tears were almost
+convulsing her.
+
+I could not remain to witness misery which I could do nothing to
+relieve; so I took Smith by the arm--for he stood by the door
+half-stupified--and proceeded back towards college. He had to mark the
+roll at his own chapel that evening; so we parted at the top of the
+street, after I had made him promise to come to breakfast with me in the
+morning. Russell's illness cast a universal gloom over the college that
+evening; and when the answer to our last message, sent down as late as
+we could venture to do, was still unfavourable, it was with anxious
+anticipation that we awaited any change which the morrow might bring.
+
+The next day passed, and still Russell remained in the same state. He
+was in a high fever, and either perfectly unconscious of all around him,
+or talking in that incoherent and yet earnest strain, which is more
+painful to those who have to listen to and to soothe it than even the
+total prostration of the reason. No one was allowed to see him; and his
+professional attendants, though they held out hopes founded on his youth
+and good constitution, acknowledged that every present symptom was most
+unfavourable.
+
+The earliest intelligence on the third morning was, that the patient had
+passed a very bad night, and was much the same; but in the course of an
+hour or two afterwards, a message came to me to say that Mr Russell
+would be glad to see me. I rushed, rather than ran, down to his
+lodgings, in a perfect exultation of hope, and was so breathless with
+haste and excitement when I arrived there, that I was obliged to pause a
+few moments to calm myself before I raised the carefully muffled
+knocker. My joy was damped at once by poor Mrs Saunders' mournful
+countenance.
+
+"Your master is better, I hope--is he not?" said I.
+
+"I am afraid not, sir; but he is very quiet now: and he knew his poor
+dear sister; and then he asked if any one had been to see him, and we
+mentioned you, sir; and then he said he should like to see you very
+much, and so Miss made bold to send to you--if you please to wait, sir,
+I'll tell her you are here."
+
+In a few moments she returned--Miss Russell would see me if I would walk
+up.
+
+I followed her into the little drawing-room, and there, very calm and
+very pale, sat Mary Russell. Though her brother and myself had now so
+long been constant companions, I had seen but very little of her; on the
+very few evenings I had spent with Russell at his lodgings she had
+merely appeared to make tea for us, had joined but little in the
+conversation, and retired almost before the table was cleared. In her
+position, this behaviour seemed but natural; and as, in spite of the
+attraction of her beauty, there was a shade of that haughtiness and
+distance of manner which we had all at first fancied in her brother, I
+had begun to feel a respectful kind of admiration for Mary Russell,
+tinged, I may now venture to admit--I was barely twenty at the
+time--with a slight degree of awe. Her very misfortunes threw over her a
+sort of sanctity. She was too beautiful not to rivet the gaze, too noble
+and too womanly in her devotion to her brother not to touch the
+affections, but too cold and silent--almost as it seemed too sad--to
+love. Her brother seldom spoke of her; but when he did, it was in a tone
+which showed--what he did not care to conceal--his deep affection and
+anxious care for her; he watched her every look and movement whenever
+she was present; and if his love erred in any point, it was, that it
+seemed possible it might be even too sensitive and jealous for her own
+happiness.
+
+The blinds were drawn close down, and the little room was very dark; yet
+I could see at a glance the work which anguish had wrought upon her in
+the last two days, and, though no tears were to be seen now, they had
+left their traces only too plainly. She did not rise, or trust herself
+to speak; but she held out her hand to me as if we had been friends from
+childhood. And if thorough sympathy, and mutual confidence, and true but
+pure affection, make such friendship, then surely we became so from that
+moment. I never thought Mary Russell cold again; yet I did not dream of
+loving her; she was my sister in everything but the name.
+
+I broke the silence of our painful meeting--painful as it was, yet not
+without that inward throb of pleasure which always attends the awakening
+of hidden sympathies. What I said I forget; what does one, or can one
+say, at such moments, but words utterly meaningless, so far as they
+affect to be an expression of what we feel? The hearts understand each
+other without language, and with that we must be content.
+
+"He knew me a little while ago," said Mary Russell at last; "and asked
+for you; and I knew you would be kind enough to come directly if I
+sent."
+
+"Surely it must be a favourable symptom, this return of consciousness?"
+
+"We will hope so: yes, I thought it was; and oh! how glad I was! But Dr
+Wilson does not say much, and I fear he thinks him weaker. I will go now
+and tell him you are come."
+
+"You can see him now if you please," she said when she returned; "he
+seems perfectly sensible still; and when I said you were here, he looked
+quite delighted." She turned away, and, for the first time, her emotion
+mastered her.
+
+I followed her into her brother's room. He did not look so ill as I
+expected; but I saw with great anxiety, as I drew nearer his bed, that
+his face was still flushed with fever, and his eye looked wild and
+excited. He was evidently, however, at present free from delirium, and
+recognised me at once. His sister begged him not to speak much, or ask
+questions, reminding him of the physician's strict injunctions with
+regard to quiet.
+
+"Dr Wilson forgets, my love, that it is as necessary at least for the
+mind to be quiet as the tongue," said Russell with an attempt to smile;
+and then, after a pause, he added, as he took my hand, "I wanted to see
+you, Hawthorne; I know I am in very great danger; and, once more, I want
+to trouble you with a confidence. Nay, nothing very important; and pray,
+don't ask me, as I see you are going to do, not to tire myself with
+talking: I know what I am going to say, and will try to say it very
+shortly; but thinking is at least as bad for me as speaking." He paused
+again from weakness; Miss Russell had left the room. I made no reply. He
+half rose, and pointed to a writing-desk on a small table, with keys in
+the lock. I moved towards it, and opened it, as I understood his
+gestures; and brought to him, at his request, a small bundle of letters,
+from which he selected one, and gave it me to read. It was a banker's
+letter, dated some months back, acknowledging the receipt of three
+hundred pounds to Russell's credit, and enclosing the following note:--
+
+     "SIR,--Messrs ---- are directed to inform you of the sum of £300
+     placed to your credit. You will be wrongly advised if you scruple
+     to use it. If at any time you are enabled, and desire it, it may be
+     repaid through the same channel.
+
+               "ONE OF YOUR FATHER'S CREDITORS."
+
+"I have never touched it," said Russell, as I folded up the note.
+
+"I should have feared you would not," said I.
+
+"But now," he proceeded, "now things seem changed with me. I shall want
+money--Mary will; and I shall draw upon this unseen charity; ay, and
+gratefully. Poor Mary!"
+
+"You are quite right, my dear Russell," said I, eager to interrupt a
+train of thought which I saw would be too much for him. "I will manage
+all that for you, and you shall give me the necessary authority till you
+get well again yourself," I added in a tone meant to be cheerful.
+
+He took no notice of my remark. "I fear," said he, "I have not been a
+wise counsellor to my poor sister. She had kind offers from more than
+one of our friends, and might have had a home more suited to her than
+this has been, and I allowed her to choose to sacrifice all her own
+prospects to mine!"
+
+He turned his face away, and I knew that one painful thought besides was
+in his mind--that they had been solely dependent on her little income
+for his support at the University since his father's failure.
+
+"Russell," said I gently, "this conversation can surely do no good; why
+distress yourself and me unnecessarily? Come, I shall leave you now, or
+your sister will scold me. Pray, for all our sakes, try to sleep; you
+know how desirable it is, and how much stress Dr Wilson has laid upon
+your being kept perfectly calm and quiet."
+
+"I will, Hawthorne, I will try; but oh, I have so much to think of!"
+
+Distressed and anxious, I could only take my leave of him for the
+present, feeling how much there was, indeed, in his circumstances to
+make rest even more necessary, and more difficult to obtain, for the
+mind than for the body.
+
+I had returned to the sitting-room, and was endeavouring to give as
+hopeful answers as I could to Miss Russell's anxious inquiries as to
+what I thought of her brother, when a card was brought up, with a
+message that Mr Ormiston was below, and "would be very glad if he could
+see Miss Russell for a few moments, at any hour she would mention, in
+the course of the day."
+
+Ormiston! I started, I really did not know why. Miss Russell started
+also, visibly; did she know why? Her back was turned to me at the
+moment; she had moved, perhaps intentionally, the moment the message
+became intelligible, so that I had no opportunity of watching the effect
+it produced, which I confess I had an irrepressible anxiety to do. She
+was silent until I felt my position becoming awkward: I was rising to
+take leave, which perhaps would have made hers even more so, when, half
+turning round towards me, with a tone and gesture almost of command, she
+said, "Stay!" and then, in reply to the servant, who was still waiting,
+"Ask Mr Ormiston to walk up."
+
+I felt the few moments of expectation which ensued to be insufferably
+embarrassing. I tried to persuade myself it was my own folly to think
+them so. Why should Ormiston _not_ call at the Russells, under such
+circumstances? As college tutor, he stood almost in the relation of a
+natural guardian to Russell; had he not at least as much right to assume
+the privilege of a friend of the family as I had, with the additional
+argument, that he was likely to be much more useful in that capacity? He
+had known them longer, at all events, and any little coolness between
+the brother and himself was not a matter, I felt persuaded, to be
+remembered by him at such a moment, or to induce any false punctilio
+which might stand in the way of his offering his sympathy and assistance
+when required. But the impression on my mind was strong--stronger,
+perhaps, than any facts within my knowledge fairly warranted--that
+between Ormiston and Mary Russell there either was, or had been,
+some feeling which, whether acknowledged or unacknowledged--whether
+reciprocal or on one side only--whether crushed by any of those
+thousand crosses to which such feelings, fragile as they are precious,
+are liable, or only repressed by circumstances and awaiting its
+development--would make their meeting under such circumstances not that
+of ordinary acquaintances. And once again I rose, and would have gone;
+but again Mary Russell's sweet voice--and this time it was an accent
+of almost piteous entreaty, so melted and subdued were its tones,
+as if her spirit was failing her--begged me to remain--"I have
+something--something to consult you about--my brother."
+
+She stopped, for Ormiston's step was at the door. I had naturally--not
+from any ungenerous curiosity to scan her feelings--raised my eyes to
+her countenance while she spoke to me, and could not but mark that
+her emotion amounted almost to agony. Ormiston entered: whatever his
+feelings were, he concealed them well; not so readily, however, could he
+suppress his evident astonishment, and almost as evident vexation, when
+he first noticed my presence: an actor in the drama for whose appearance
+he was manifestly unprepared. He approached Miss Russell, who never
+moved, with some words of ordinary salutation, but uttered in a low and
+earnest tone, and offered his hand, which she took at once, without any
+audible reply. Then turning to me, he asked if Russell were any better?
+I answered somewhat indefinitely, and Miss Russell, to whom he turned
+as for a reply, shook her head, and, sinking into a chair, hid her face
+in her hands. Ormiston took a seat close by her, and after a pause of a
+moment said,
+
+"I trust your very natural anxiety for your brother makes you inclined
+to anticipate more danger than really exists, Miss Russell: but I have
+to explain my own intrusion upon you at such a moment"--and he gave me
+a glance which was meant to be searching--"I called by the particular
+request of the Principal, Dr Meredith."
+
+Miss Russell could venture upon no answer, and he went on, speaking
+somewhat hurriedly and with embarrassment.
+
+"Mrs Meredith has been from home some days, and the Principal himself
+has the gout severely; he feared you might think it unkind their not
+having called, and he begged me to be his deputy. Indeed he insisted on
+my seeing you in person, to express his very sincere concern for your
+brother's illness, and to beg that you will so far honour him--consider
+him sufficiently your friend, he said--as to send to his house for
+anything which Russell could either want or fancy, which, in lodgings,
+there might be some difficulty in finding at hand. In one respect, Miss
+Russell," continued Ormiston in somewhat a more cheerful tone, "your
+brother is fortunate in not being laid up within the college walls; we
+are not very good nurses there, as Hawthorne can tell you, though we do
+what we can; yet I much fear this watching and anxiety have been too
+much for you."
+
+Her tears began to flow freely; there was nothing in Ormiston's words,
+but their tone implied deep feeling. Yet who, however indifferent, could
+look upon her helpless situation, and not be moved? I walked to the
+window, feeling terribly out of place where I was, yet uncertain whether
+to go or stay: for my own personal comfort, I would sooner have faced
+the collected anger of a whole common-room, called to investigate my
+particular misdemeanours; but to take leave at this moment seemed as
+awkward as to stay; besides, had not Miss Russell appeared almost
+imploringly anxious for me to spare her a _tête-à-tête_?
+
+"My poor brother is very, very ill, Mr Ormiston," she said at last,
+raising her face, from which every trace of colour had again
+disappeared, and which seemed now as calm as ever. "Will you thank Dr
+Meredith for me, and say I will without hesitation avail myself of his
+most kind offers, if anything should occur to make his assistance
+necessary."
+
+"I can be of no use myself in any way?" said Ormiston with some
+hesitation.
+
+"I thank you, no," she replied; and then, as if conscious that her tone
+was cold, she added--"You are very kind: Mr Hawthorne was good enough to
+say the same. Every one is very kind to us, indeed; but"--and here she
+stopped again, her emotion threatening to master her; and Ormiston and
+myself simultaneously took our leave.
+
+Preoccupied as my mind had been by anxiety on Russell's account, it did
+not prevent a feeling of awkwardness when I found myself alone with Mr
+Ormiston outside the door of his lodgings. It was impossible to devise
+any excuse at the moment for turning off in a different direction, as I
+felt very much inclined to do; for the little street in which he lived
+was not much of a thoroughfare. The natural route for both of us to take
+was that which led towards the High Street, for a few hundred steps the
+other way would have brought us out into the country, where it is not
+usual for either tutors or undergraduates to promenade in cap and gown,
+as they do, to the great admiration of the rustics, in our sister
+university. We walked on together, therefore, feeling--I will answer at
+least for one of us--that it would be an especial relief just then to
+meet the greatest bore with whom we had any pretence of a speaking
+acquaintance, or pass any shop in which we could frame the most
+threadbare excuse of having business, to cut short the embarrassment of
+each other's company. After quitting any scene in which deep feelings
+have been displayed, and in which our own have been not slightly
+interested, it is painful to feel called upon to make any comment on
+what has passed; we feel ashamed to do so in the strain and tone which
+would betray our own emotion, and we have not the heart to do so
+carelessly or indifferently. I should have felt this, even had I been
+sure that Ormiston's feelings towards Mary Russell had been nothing more
+than my own; whereas, in fact, I was almost sure of the contrary; in
+which case it was possible that, in his eyes, my own _locus standi_ in
+that quarter, surprised as I had been in an apparently very confidential
+interview, might seem to require some explanation which would be
+indelicate to ask for directly, and which it might not mend matters if I
+were to give indirectly without being asked. So we proceeded some paces
+up the little quiet street, gravely and silently, neither of us speaking
+a word. At last Ormiston asked me if I had seen Russell, and how I
+thought him? adding, without waiting for a reply, "Dr Wilson, I fear
+from what he told me, thinks but badly of him."
+
+"I am very sorry to hear you say so," I replied; and then ventured to
+remark how very wretched it would be for his sister in the event of his
+growing worse, to be left at such a time so utterly helpless and alone.
+
+He was silent for some moments. "Some of her friends," he said at last,
+"ought to come down; she must have friends, I know, who would come if
+they were sent for. I wish Mrs Meredith were returned--she might advise
+her."
+
+He spoke rather in a soliloquy than as addressing me, and I did not feel
+called upon to make any answer. The next moment we arrived at the turn
+of the street, and, by what seemed a mutual impulse, wished each other
+good morning.
+
+I went straight down to Smith's rooms, at ----Hall, to get him to come
+and dine with me; for I pitied the poor fellow's forlorn condition, and
+considered myself in some degree bound to supply Russell's place towards
+him. A Bible-clerk's position in the University is always more or less
+one of mortification and constraint. It is true that the same academical
+degree, the same honours--if he can obtain them--the same position in
+after life--all the solid advantages of a University education, are open
+to him, as to other men; but, so long as his undergraduateship lasts, he
+stands in a very different position from other men, and he feels
+it--feels it, too, through three or four of those years of life when
+such feelings are most acute, and when that strength of mind which is
+the only antidote--which can measure men by themselves and not by their
+accidents--is not as yet matured either in himself or in the society of
+which he becomes a member. If, indeed, he be a decidedly clever man, and
+has the opportunity early in his career of showing himself to be such,
+then there is good sense and good feeling enough--let us say, to the
+honour of the University, there is sufficient of that true _esprit du
+corps_, a real consciousness of the great objects for which men are thus
+brought together--to insure the acknowledgment from all but the most
+unworthy of its members, that a scholar is always a gentleman. But if he
+be a man of only moderate abilities, and known only as a Bible-clerk,
+then, the more he is of a gentleman by birth and education, the more
+painful does his position generally become. There are not above two or
+three in residence in most colleges, and their society is confined
+almost wholly to themselves. Some old schoolfellow, indeed, or some man
+who "knows him at home," holding an independent rank in college, may
+occasionally venture upon the condescension of asking him to wine--even
+to meet a friend or two with whom he can take such a liberty; and
+even then, the gnawing consciousness that he is considered an
+inferior--though not treated as such--makes it a questionable act of
+kindness. Among the two or three of his own table, one is the son of
+a college butler, another has been for years usher at a preparatory
+school; he treats them with civility, they treat him with deference; but
+they have no tastes or feelings in common. At an age, therefore, which
+most of all seeks and requires companionship, he has no companions; and
+the period of life which should be the most joyous, becomes to him
+almost a purgatory. Of course the radical and the leveller will say at
+once, "Ay, this comes of your aristocratic distinctions; they ought not
+to be allowed in universities at all." Not so: it comes of human nature;
+the distinction between a dependent and an independent position will
+always be felt in all societies, mark it outwardly as little as you
+will. Humiliation, more or less, is a penalty which poverty must always
+pay. These humbler offices in the University were founded by a charity
+as wise as benevolent, which has afforded to hundreds of men of talent,
+but of humble means, an education equal to that of the highest noble in
+the land, and, in consequence, a position and usefulness in after life
+which otherwise they could never have hoped for. And if the somewhat
+servile tenure by which they are held (which in late years has in most
+colleges been very much relaxed) were wholly done away with, there is
+reason to fear the charity of the founders would be liable to continual
+abuse, by their being bestowed upon many who required no such
+assistance. As it is, this occurs too often; and it is much to be
+desired that the same regulations were followed in their distribution
+throughout the University, which some colleges have long most properly
+adopted: namely, that the appointment should be bestowed on the
+successful candidate after examination, strict regard being had to
+the circumstances of all the parties before they are allowed to offer
+themselves. It would make their position far more definite and
+respectable, because all would then be considered honourable to a
+certain degree, as being the reward of merit; instead of which, too
+often, they are convenient items of patronage in the hands of the
+Principal and Fellows, the nomination to them depending on private
+interest, which, by no means insuring the nominee's being a gentleman by
+birth, while it is wholly careless of his being a scholar by education,
+tends to lower the general standing of the order in the University.
+
+This struck me forcibly in Smith's case. Poor fellow! with an excellent
+heart and a great deal of sound common sense, he had neither the
+breeding nor the talent to make a gentleman of. I doubt if an university
+education was any real boon to him. It insured him four years of
+hard work--harder, perhaps, than if he had sat at a desk all the
+time--without the society of any of his own class and habits, and with
+the prospect of very little remuneration ultimately. I think he might
+have been very happy in his own sphere, and I do not see how he could be
+happy at Oxford. And whether he or the world in general ever profited
+much by the B.A. which he eventually attached to his name, is a point at
+least doubtful.
+
+I could not get him to come and dine with me in my own college. He knew
+his own position, as it seemed, and was not ashamed of it; in fact, in
+his case, it could not involve any consciousness of degradation; and I
+am sure his only reason for refusing my invitations of that kind was,
+that he thought it possible my dignity might be compromised by so open
+an association with him. He would come over to my rooms in the evening
+to tea, he said; and he came accordingly. When I told him in the morning
+that Russell had inquired very kindly after him, he was much affected;
+but it had evidently been a comfort to him to feel that he was not
+forgotten, and during the hour or two which we spent together in the
+evening, he seemed much more cheerful.
+
+"Perhaps they will let me see him to-morrow, if he is better?" he said,
+with an appealing look to me. I assured him I would mention his wish to
+Russell, and his countenance at once brightened up, as if he thought
+only his presence were needed to insure our friend's recovery.
+
+But the next morning all our hopes were dashed again; delirium had
+returned, as had been feared, and the feverish symptoms seemed to gain
+strength rather than abate. Bleeding and other usual remedies had been
+had recourse to already to a perilous extent, and in Russell's present
+reduced state, no further treatment of the kind could be ventured upon.
+"All we can do now, sir," said Dr Wilson, "is little more than to let
+nature take her course. I _have known_ such cases recover." I did not
+ask to see Mary Russell that day; for what could I have answered to her
+fears and inquiries? But I thought of Ormiston's words; surely she ought
+to have some friend--some one of her own family, or some known and tried
+companion of her own sex, would surely come to her at a moment's notice,
+did they but know of her trying situation. If--if her brother were to
+die--she surely would not be left here among strangers, quite alone? Yet
+I much feared, from what had escaped him at our last interview, that
+they had both incurred the charge of wilfulness in refusing offers of
+assistance at the time of their father's disgrace and flight, and
+that having, contrary to the advice of their friends, and perhaps
+imprudently, taken the step they had done in coming to Oxford, Mary
+Russell, with something of her brother's spirit, had made up her mind
+now, however heavy and unforeseen the blow that was to fall, to suffer
+all in solitude and silence. For Ormiston, too, I felt with an interest
+and intensity that was hourly increasing. I met him after morning
+chapel, and though he appeared intentionally to avoid any conversation
+with me, I knew by his countenance that he had heard the unfavourable
+news of the morning; and it could be no common emotion that had left its
+visible trace upon features usually so calm and impassible.
+
+From thoughts of this nature, indulged in the not very appropriate
+locality of the centre of the quadrangle, I was roused by the
+good-humoured voice of Mrs Meredith--"our governess," as we used to call
+her--who, with the Doctor himself, was just then entering the college,
+and found me right in the line of her movements towards the door of "the
+lodgings." I was not until that moment aware of her return, and
+altogether was considerably startled as she addressed me with--"Oh! how
+do you do, Mr Hawthorne? You young gentlemen don't take care of
+yourselves, you see, when I am away--I am so sorry to hear this about
+poor Mr Russell. Is he so very ill? Dr Meredith is just going to see
+him."
+
+I coloured up, I dare say, for it was a trick I was given to in those
+days, and, in the confusion, replied rather to my own thoughts than to
+Mrs Meredith's question.
+
+"Mrs Meredith! I really beg your pardon," I first stammered out as a
+very necessary apology, for I had nearly stumbled over her--"May I say
+how very glad I am you are returned, on Miss Russell's account--I am
+sure"----
+
+"Really, Mr Hawthorne, it is very natural I suppose, but you gentlemen
+seem to expend your whole sympathy upon the young lady, and forget the
+brother altogether! Mr Ormiston actually took the trouble to write to me
+about her"----
+
+"My dear!" interposed the Principal.
+
+"Nay, Dr Meredith, see how guilty Mr Hawthorne looks! and as to Mr
+Ormiston"---- "Well, never mind" (the Doctor was visibly checking his
+lady's volubility), "I love the poor dear girl so much myself, that I am
+really grieved to the heart for her. I shall go down and see her
+directly, and make her keep up her spirits. Dr Wilson is apt to make out
+all the bad symptoms he can--I shall try if I can cure Mr Russell
+myself, after all; a little proper nursing in those cases is worth a
+whole staff of doctors--and, as to this poor girl, what can she know
+about it? I dare say she sits crying her eyes out, poor thing, and doing
+nothing--_I'll_ see about it. Why, I wouldn't lose Mr Russell from the
+college for half the young men in it--would I, Dr Meredith?"
+
+I bowed, and they passed on. Mrs Principal, if somewhat pompous
+occasionally, was a kind-hearted woman. I believe an hour scarcely
+elapsed after her return to Oxford, before she was in Russell's
+lodgings, ordering everything about as coolly as if it were in her own
+house, and all but insisting on seeing the patient and prescribing
+herself for him, in spite of all professional injunctions to the
+contrary. The delirium passed off again, and though it left Russell
+sensibly weaker, so weak, that when I next was admitted to see him with
+Smith, he could do little more than feebly grasp our hands, yet the
+fever was evidently abated; and in the course of the next day, whether
+it was to be attributed to the remedies originally used, or to his
+own youth and good constitution, or to Mrs Meredith's experienced
+directions in the way of nursing, and the cheerful spirit which that
+good lady, in spite of a little fussiness, succeeded generally in
+producing around her, there was a decided promise of amendment, which
+happily each succeeding hour tended gradually to fulfil. Ormiston had
+been unremitting in his inquiries; but I believe had never since sought
+an interview either with the brother or sister. I took advantage of the
+first conversation Russell was able to hold with me, to mention how very
+sincerely I believed him to have felt the interest he expressed. A
+moment afterwards I felt almost sorry I had mentioned the name--it was
+the first time I had done so during Russell's illness. He almost started
+up in bed, and his face glowed again with more than the flush of fever,
+as he caught up my words.
+
+"Sincere, did you say? Ormiston sincere! You don't know the man as I do.
+Inquired here, did he? What right has he to intrude his"----
+
+"Hush, my dear Russell," I interposed, really almost alarmed at his
+violence. "Pray, don't excite yourself--I think you do him great
+injustice; but we will drop the subject, if you please."
+
+"I tell you, Hawthorne, if you knew all, you would despise him as much
+as I do."
+
+It is foolish to argue with an invalid--but really even my friendship
+for Russell would not allow me to bear in silence an attack so
+unjustifiable, as it seemed to me, on the character of a man who had
+every claim to my gratitude and respect. I replied therefore somewhat
+incautiously, that perhaps I did know a little more than Russell
+suspected.
+
+He stared at me with a look of bewilderment. "What do you know?" he
+asked quickly.
+
+It was too late to hesitate or retract. I had started an unfortunate
+subject; but I knew Russell too well to endeavour now to mislead him. "I
+have no right perhaps to say I know anything; but I have gathered from
+Ormiston's manner, that he has very strong reasons for the anxiety he
+has shown on your account. I will not say more."
+
+"And how do you know this? Has Mr Ormiston dared"----
+
+"No, no, Russell," said I, earnestly; "see how unjust you are, in this
+instance." I wished to say something to calm him, and it would have been
+worse than useless to say anything but the truth. I saw he guessed to
+what I alluded; and I gave him briefly my reasons for what I thought,
+not concealing the interview with his sister, at which I had
+unintentionally been present.
+
+It was a very painful scene. When he first understood that Ormiston had
+sought the meeting, his temper, usually calm, but perhaps now tried by
+such long hours of pain and heaviness, broke out with bitter expressions
+against both. I told him, shortly and warmly, that such remarks towards
+his sister were unmanly and unkind; and then he cried, like a chidden
+and penitent child, till his remorse was as painful to look upon as his
+passion. "Mary! my own Mary! even you, Hawthorne, know and feel her
+value better than I do! I for whom she has borne so much."
+
+"I am much mistaken," said I, "if Ormiston has not learned to appreciate
+her even yet more truly. And why not?"
+
+"Leave me now," he said; "I am not strong enough to talk; but if you
+wish to know what cause I have to speak as I have done of your friend
+Ormiston, you shall hear again."
+
+So exhausted did he seem by the excess of feeling which I had so
+unfortunately called forth, that I would not see him again for some
+days, contenting myself with learning that no relapse had taken place,
+and that he was still progressing rapidly towards recovery.
+
+I had an invitation to visit my aunt again during the Easter vacation,
+which had already commenced, and had only been prevented from leaving
+Oxford by Russell's alarming state. As soon, therefore, as all danger
+was pronounced over, I prepared to go up to town at once, and my next
+visit to Russell was in fact to wish him good-by for two or three weeks.
+He was already sitting up, and fast regaining strength. He complained
+of having seen so little of me lately, and asked me if I had seen
+his sister. "I had not noticed it until the last few days," he
+said--"illness makes one selfish, I suppose; but I think Mary looks
+thin and ill--very different from what she did a month back."
+
+But watching and anxiety, as I told him, were not unlikely to produce
+that effect; and I advised him strongly to take her somewhere for a few
+weeks for change of air and scene. "It will do you both good," I said;
+"and you can draw another £50 from your unknown friend for that purpose;
+it cannot be better applied, and I should not hesitate for a moment."
+
+"I would not," he replied, "if I wanted money; but I do not. Do you
+know that Dr Wilson would take no fee whatever from Mary during the
+whole of his attendance; and when I asked him to name some sufficient
+remuneration, assuring him I could afford it, he said he would never
+forgive me if I ever mentioned the subject again. So what remains of the
+fifty you drew for me, will amply suffice for a little trip somewhere
+for us. And I quite agree with you in thinking it desirable, on every
+account, that Mary should move from Oxford--perhaps altogether--for one
+reason, to be out of the way of a friend of yours."
+
+"Ormiston?"
+
+"Yes, Ormiston; he called here again since I saw you, and wished to see
+me; but I declined the honour. Possibly," he added bitterly, "as we
+have succeeded in keeping out of jail here, he thinks Mary has grown
+rich again." And then he went on to tell me how, in the days of his
+father's reputed wealth, Ormiston had been a constant visitor at their
+house in town, and how his attentions to his sister had even attracted
+his father's attention, and led to his name being mentioned as likely to
+make an excellent match with the rich banker's daughter. "My father did
+not like it," he said, "for he had higher views for her, as was perhaps
+excusable--though I doubt if he would have refused Mary anything. I did
+not like it for another reason: because I knew all the time how matters
+really stood, and that any man who looked for wealth with my sister
+would in the end be miserably disappointed. What Mary's own feelings
+were, and what actually passed between her and Ormiston, I never asked;
+but she knew my views on the subject, and would, I am certain, never
+have accepted any man under the circumstances in which she was placed,
+and which she could not explain. I did hope and believe, however, then,
+that there was sufficient high principle about Ormiston to save Mary
+from any risk of throwing away her heart upon a man who would desert her
+upon a change of fortune. I think he loved her at the time--as well
+as such men as he can love any one; but from the moment the crash
+came--Ormiston, you know, was in town at the time--there was an end of
+everything. It was an opportunity for a man to show feeling if he had
+any; and though I do not affect much romance, I almost think that in
+such a case even an ordinary heart might have been warmed into devotion;
+but Ormiston--cold, cautious, calculating as he is--I could almost have
+laughed at the sudden change that came over him when he heard the news.
+He pretended, indeed, great interest for us, and certainly did seem cut
+up about it; but he had not committed himself, I conclude, and took care
+to retreat in time. Thank Heaven! even if Mary did ever care for him,
+she is not the girl to break her heart for a man who proves so unworthy
+of her regard. But why he should insist on inflicting his visits upon us
+now, is what I cannot make out; and what I will not endure."
+
+I listened with grief and surprise. I knew well that not even the strong
+prejudice which I believed Russell to have always felt against Ormiston,
+would tempt him to be guilty of misrepresentation; and, again, I gave
+him credit for too much penetration to have been easily deceived. Yet I
+could not bring myself all at once to think so ill of Ormiston. He had
+always been considered in pecuniary matters liberal almost to a fault;
+that he really loved Mary Russell, I felt more than ever persuaded; and,
+at my age, it was hard to believe that a few thousand pounds could
+affect any man's decision in such a point, even for a moment. Why, the
+very fact of her being poor and friendless was enough to make one fall
+in love with such a girl at once! So when Russell, after watching the
+effect of his disclosure, misconstruing my silence, proceeded to ask
+somewhat triumphantly--"_Now_, what say you of Mr Ormiston?"--I answered
+at once, that I was strongly convinced there was a mistake.
+
+"Ay," rejoined he with a sneering laugh; "on Ormiston's part, you mean;
+decidedly there was."
+
+"I mean," said I, "there has been some misunderstanding, which time may
+yet explain: I do not, and will not believe him capable of what you
+impute to him. Did you ever ask your sister for a full and unreserved
+explanation of what has passed between them?"
+
+"Never; but I know that she has shunned all intercourse with him as
+carefully as I have, and that his recently renewed civilities have given
+her nothing but pain." My own observation certainly tended to confirm
+this; so, changing the subject--for it was one on which I had scarce any
+right to give an opinion, still less offer advice, I asked whether I
+could do anything for him in town; and, after exchanging a cordial
+good-by with Miss Russell, in whose appearance I was sorry to see strong
+confirmation of her brother's fears for her health, I took my leave, and
+the next morning saw me on the top of "The Age," on my way to town.
+
+There I received a letter from my father, in which he desired me to
+take the opportunity of calling upon his attorney, Mr Rushton, in order
+to have some leases and other papers read and explained to me, chiefly
+matters of form, but which would require my signature upon my coming of
+age. It concluded with the following PS.:--
+
+     "I was sorry to hear of your friend's illness, and trust he will
+     now do very well. Bring him down with you at Christmas, if you can.
+     I hear, by the way, there is a _Miss_ Russell in the case--a very
+     fascinating young lady, whom you never mention at all--a fact which
+     your mother, who is up to all those things, says is very
+     suspicious. All I can say is, if she is as good a girl as her
+     mother was before her--I knew her well once--you may bring her down
+     with you too, if you like."
+
+How very unlucky it is that the home authorities seldom approve of any
+little affairs of the kind except those of which one is perfectly
+innocent! Now, if I _had_ been in love with Mary Russell, the governor
+would, in the nature of things, have felt it his duty to be
+disagreeable.
+
+I put off the little business my father alluded to day after day, to
+make way for more pleasant engagements, until my stay in town was
+drawing to a close. Letters from Russell informed me of his having left
+Oxford for Southampton, where he was reading hard, and getting quite
+stout; but he spoke of his sister's health in a tone that alarmed me,
+though he evidently was trying to persuade himself that a few weeks'
+sea-air would quite restore it. At last I devoted a morning to call on
+Mr Rushton, whom I found at home, though professing, as all lawyers do,
+to be full of business. He made my acquaintance as politely as if I had
+been the heir-expectant of an earldom, instead of the very moderate
+amount of acres which had escaped sale and subdivision in the Hawthorne
+family. In fact, he seemed a very good sort of fellow, and we ran over
+the parchments together very amicably--I almost suspected he was
+cheating me, he seemed so very friendly, but therein I did him wrong.
+
+"And now, my dear sir," continued he, as we shut up the last of them,
+"will you dine with me to-day? Let me see; I fear I can't say before
+seven, for I have a great deal of work to get through. Some bankruptcy
+business, about which I have taken some trouble," he continued, rubbing
+his hands, "and which we shall manage pretty well in the end, I fancy.
+By the way, it concerns some friends of yours, too: is not Mr Ormiston
+of your college? Ay, I thought he was; he is two thousand pounds richer
+than he fancied himself yesterday."
+
+"Really?" said I, somewhat interested; "how, may I ask?"
+
+"Why, you see, when Russell's bank broke--bad business that--we all
+thought the first dividend--tenpence-halfpenny in the pound, I believe
+it was--would be the final one: however, there are some foreign
+securities which, when they first came into the hands of the assignees,
+were considered of no value at all, but have gone up wonderfully in the
+market just of late; so that we have delayed finally closing accounts
+till we could sell them to such advantage as will leave some tolerable
+pickings for the creditors after all."
+
+"Had Ormiston money in Mr Russell's bank, then, at the time?"
+
+"Oh, yes: something like eight thousand pounds: not all his own, though:
+five thousand he had in trust for some nieces of his, which he had
+unluckily just sold out of the funds, and placed with Russell, while he
+was engaged in making arrangements for a more profitable investment; the
+rest was his own."
+
+"He lost it all, then?"
+
+"All but somewhere about three hundred pounds, as it appeared at the
+time. What an excellent fellow he is! You know him well, I dare say.
+They tell me that he pays the interest regularly to his nieces for their
+money out of his own income still."
+
+I made no answer to Mr Rushton at the moment, for a communication so
+wholly unexpected had awakened a new set of ideas, which I was busily
+following out in my mind. I seemed to hold in my hands the clue to a
+good deal of misunderstanding and unhappiness. My determination was soon
+taken to go to Southampton, see Russell at once, and tell him what I
+had just heard, and of which I had no doubt he had hitherto been as
+ignorant as myself. I was rather induced to take this course, as I felt
+persuaded that Miss Russell's health was suffering rather from mental
+than bodily causes; and, in such a case, a great deal of mischief is
+done in a short time. I would leave town at once.
+
+My purse was in the usual state of an undergraduate's at the close of a
+visit to London; so, following up the train of my own reflections, I
+turned suddenly upon Mr Rushton, who was again absorbed in his papers,
+and had possibly forgotten my presence altogether, and attacked him
+with--
+
+"My dear sir, can you lend me ten pounds?"
+
+"Certainly," said Mr Rushton, taking off his spectacles, and feeling in
+his pockets, at the same time looking at me with some little
+curiosity--"certainly--with great pleasure."
+
+"I beg your pardon for taking such a liberty," said I, apologetically;
+"but I find I must leave town to-night."
+
+"To-night!" said the lawyer, looking still more inquiringly at me; "I
+thought you were to dine with me?"
+
+"I cannot exactly explain to you at this moment, sir, my reasons; but I
+have reasons, and I think sufficient ones, though they have suddenly
+occurred to me."
+
+I pocketed the money, leaving Mr Rushton to speculate on the
+eccentricities of Oxonians as he pleased, and a couple of hours found me
+seated on the Southampton mail.
+
+The Russells were surprised at my sudden descent upon them, but welcomed
+me cordially; and even Mary's pale face did not prevent my being in
+excellent spirits. As soon as I could speak to Russell by himself, I
+told him what I had heard from Mr Rushton.
+
+He never interrupted me, but his emotion was evident. When he did speak,
+it was in an altered and humbled voice.
+
+"I never inquired," he said, "who my father's creditors were--perhaps I
+ought to have done so; but I thought the knowledge could only pain me. I
+see it all now; how unjust, how ungrateful I have been! Poor Mary!"
+
+We sat down, and talked over those points in Ormiston's conduct, upon
+which Russell had put so unfavourable a construction. It was quite
+evident, that a man who could act with so much liberality and
+self-denial towards others, could have had no interested motives in his
+conduct with regard to Mary Russell; and her brother was now as eager to
+express his confidence in Ormiston's honour and integrity, as he was
+before hasty in misjudging him.
+
+Where all parties are eager for explanation, matters are soon
+explained. Russell had an interview with his sister, which brought her
+to the breakfast table the next morning with blushing cheeks and
+brightened eyes. _Her_ misgivings, if she had any, were easily set at
+rest. He then wrote to Ormiston a letter full of generous apologies and
+expressions of his high admiration of his conduct, which was answered by
+that gentleman in person by return of post. How Mary Russell and he met,
+or what they said, must ever be a secret, for no one was present but
+themselves. But all embarrassment was soon over, and we were a very
+happy party for the short time we remained at Southampton together; for,
+feeling that my share in the matter was at an end--a share which I
+contemplated with some little self-complacency--I speedily took my
+departure.
+
+If I have not made Ormiston's conduct appear in as clear colours to the
+reader as it did to ourselves, I can only add, that the late
+misunderstanding seemed a painful subject to all parties, and that the
+mutual explanations were rather understood than expressed. The anonymous
+payment to Russell's credit at the bank was no longer a mystery: it was
+the poor remains of the College Tutor's little fortune, chiefly the
+savings of his years of office--the bulk of which had been lost through
+the fault of the father--generously devoted to meet the necessities of
+the son. That he would have offered Mary Russell his heart and hand at
+once when she was poor, as he hesitated to do when she was rich, none
+of us for a moment doubted, had not his own embarrassments, caused by
+the failure of the bank, and the consequent claims of his orphan nieces,
+to replace whose little income he had contracted all his own expenses,
+made him hesitate to involve the woman he loved in an imprudent
+marriage.
+
+They were married, however, very soon--and still imprudently the world
+said, and my good aunt among the rest; for, instead of waiting an
+indefinite time for a good college living to fall in, Ormiston took the
+first that offered, a small vicarage of £300 a-year, intending to add to
+his income by taking pupils. However, fortune sometimes loves to have a
+laugh at the prudent ones, and put to the rout all their wise
+prognostications; for, during Ormiston's "year of grace"--while he still
+virtually held his fellowship, though he had accepted the living--our
+worthy old Principal died somewhat suddenly, and regret at his loss only
+gave way to the universal joy of every individual in the college
+(except, I suppose, any disappointed aspirants), when Mr Ormiston was
+elected almost unanimously to the vacant dignity.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Mr Russell the elder has never returned to England. On the mind of such
+a man, after the first blow, and the loss of his position in the world,
+the disgrace attached to his name had comparatively little effect. He
+lives in some small town in France, having contrived, with his known
+_clever management_, to keep himself in comfortable circumstances; and
+his best friends can only strive to forget his existence, rather than
+wish for his return. His son and daughter pay him occasional visits, for
+their affection survives his disgrace and forgets his errors. Charles
+Russell took a first class, after delaying his examination a couple of
+terms, owing to his illness, and is now a barrister, with a reputation
+for talent, but as yet very little business. However, as I hear the city
+authorities have had the impudence to seize some of the college plate in
+discharge of a disputed claim for rates, and that Russell is retained as
+one of the counsel in an action of replevin, I trust he will begin a
+prosperous career, by contributing to win the cause for the "gown."
+
+I spent a month with Dr and Mrs Ormiston at their vicarage in the
+country, before the former entered upon his official residence as
+Principal; and can assure the reader that, in spite of ten--it may be
+more--years of difference in age, they are the happiest couple I ever
+saw. I may almost say, the only happy couple I ever saw, most of my
+married acquaintance appearing at the best only _contented_ couples, not
+drawing their happiness so exclusively from each other as suits my
+notion of what such a tie ought to be. Of course, I do not take my own
+matrimonial experience into account; the same principle of justice which
+forbids a man to give evidence in his own favour, humanely excusing him
+from making any admission which may criminate himself. Mrs Ormiston is
+as beautiful, as amiable, as ever, and has lost all the reserve and
+sadness which, in her maiden days, overshadowed her charms; and so
+sincere was and is my admiration of her person and character, and so
+warmly was I in the habit of expressing it, that I really believe my
+dilating upon her attractions used to make Mrs. Francis Hawthorne
+somewhat jealous, until she had the happiness to make her acquaintance,
+and settled the point by falling in love with the lady herself.
+
+
+
+
+THE MAGIC LAY OF THE ONE-HORSE CHAY.
+
+BY THE LATE JOHN HUGHES, A.M.
+
+[_MAGA._ OCTOBER 1824.]
+
+
+AIR--_Eveleen's Bower._
+
+                              I.
+
+ Mr Bubb was a Whig orator, also a Soap Laborator,
+ For everything's new christen'd in the present day;
+ He was follow'd and adored by the Common Council board,
+ And lived quite genteel with a one-horse chay.
+
+
+                             II.
+
+ Mrs Bubb was gay and free, fair, fat, and forty-three,
+ And blooming as a peony in buxom May;
+ The toast she long had been of Farringdon-Within,
+ And fill'd the better-half of the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                            III.
+
+ Mrs Bubb said to her Lord, "You can well, Bubb, afford
+ Whate'er a Common Council man in prudence may;
+ We've no brats to plague our lives, and the soap concern it thrives,
+ So let's have a trip to Brighton in the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                             IV.
+
+ "We'll view the pier and shipping, and enjoy many dipping,
+ And walk for a stomach in our best array;
+ I longs more nor I can utter, for shrimps and bread and butter,
+ And an airing on the Steyne in the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                              V.
+
+ "We've a right to spare for nought that for money can be bought,
+ So to get matters ready, Bubb, do you trudge away;
+ To my dear Lord Mayor I'll walk, just to get a bit of talk
+ And an imitation shawl for the one-horse chay."
+
+
+                             VI.
+
+ Mr Bubb said to his wife, "Now I think upon't, my life
+ 'Tis three weeks at least to next boiling-day;
+ The dog-days are set in, and London's growing thin,
+ So I'll order out old Nobbs and the one-horse chay."
+
+
+                            VII.
+
+ Now Nobbs, it must be told, was rather fat and old,
+ His colour it was white, and it had been grey;
+ He was round as a pot, and when soundly whipt would trot
+ Full five miles an hour in the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                           VIII.
+
+ When at Brighton they were housed, and had stuffed and caroused,
+ O'er a bowl of rack punch, Mr Bubb did say,
+ "I've ascertain'd, my dear, the mode of dipping here
+ From the ostler, who is cleaning up my one-horse chay.
+
+
+                             IX.
+
+ "You're shut up in a box, ill convenient as the stocks,
+ And eighteenpence a-time are obliged for to pay;
+ Court corruption here, say I, makes everything so high,
+ And I wish I had come without my one-horse chay."
+
+
+                              X.
+
+ "As I hope," says she, "to thrive, 'tis flaying folks alive,
+ The King and them extortioners are leagued, I say;
+ 'Tis encouraging of such for to go to pay so much,
+ So we'll set them at defiance with our one-horse chay.
+
+
+                             XI.
+
+ "Old Nobbs, I am sartin, may be trusted gig or cart in,
+ He takes every matter in an easy way;
+ He'll stand like a post, while we dabble on the coast,
+ And return back to dress in our one-horse chay."
+
+
+                            XII.
+
+ So out they drove, all drest so gaily in their best,
+ And finding, in their rambles, a snug little bay,
+ They uncased at their leisure, paddled out to take their pleasure,
+ And left everything behind in the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                           XIII.
+
+ But while, so snugly sure that all things were secure,
+ They flounced about like porpoises or whales at play,
+ Some young unlucky imps, who prowl'd about for shrimps,
+ Stole up to reconnoitre the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                            XIV.
+
+ Old Nobbs, in quiet mood, was sleeping as he stood
+ (He might possibly be dreaming of his corn or hay);
+ Not a foot did he wag, so they whipt out every rag,
+ And gutted the contents of the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                             XV.
+
+ When our pair were soused enough, and returned in their buff,
+ Oh, there was the vengeance and old Nick to pay!
+ Madam shriek'd in consternation, Mr Bubb he swore----!
+ To find the empty state of the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                            XVI.
+
+ "If I live," said she, "I swear, I'll consult my dear Lord Mayor,
+ And a fine on this vagabond town he shall lay;
+ But the gallows thieves, so tricky, hasn't left me e'en a dicky,
+ And I shall catch my death in the one-horse chay."
+
+
+                           XVII.
+
+ "Come, bundle in with me, we must squeeze for once," says he,
+ "And manage this here business the best we may;
+ We've no other step to choose, nor a moment must we lose,
+ Or the tide will float us off in our one-horse chay."
+
+
+                          XVIII.
+
+ So noses, sides, and knees, all together did they squeeze,
+ And, pack'd in little compass, they trotted it away,
+ As dismal as two dummies, head and hands stuck out like mummies
+ From beneath the little apron of the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                            XIX.
+
+ The Steyne was in a throng, as they jogg'd it along,
+ Madam hadn't been so put to it for many a day;
+ Her pleasure it was damped, and her person somewhat cramped,
+ Doubled up beneath the apron of the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                             XX.
+
+ "Oh would that I were laid," Mr Bubb in sorrow said,
+ "In a broad-wheeled waggon, well covered with hay!
+ I'm sick of sporting smart, and would take a tilted cart
+ In exchange for this bauble of a one-horse chay.
+
+
+                            XXI.
+
+ "I'd give half my riches for my worst pair of breeches,
+ Or the apron that I wore last boiling-day;
+ They would wrap my arms and shoulders from these impudent beholders,
+ And allow me to whip on in my one-horse chay."
+
+
+                           XXII.
+
+ Mr Bubb ge-hupped in vain, and strove to jerk the rein,
+ Nobbs felt he had his option to work or play,
+ So he wouldn't mend his pace, though they'd fain have run a race,
+ To escape the merry gazers at the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                          XXIII.
+
+ Now, good people, laugh your fill, and fancy if you will
+ (For I'm fairly out of breath, and have said my say),
+ The trouble and the rout, to wrap and get them out,
+ When they drove to their lodgings in their one-horse chay.
+
+
+                           XXIV.
+
+ The day was swelt'ring warm, so they took no cold or harm,
+ And o'er a smoking lunch soon forgot their dismay;
+ But, fearing Brighton mobs, started off at night with Nobbs,
+ To a snugger watering-place, in the one-horse chay.
+
+
+PRINTED BY WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS, EDINBURGH.
+
+
+
+
+TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE:
+
+Minor changes have been made to correct typesetters' errors; otherwise,
+every effort has been made to remain true to the authors' words and
+intent.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Tales from Blackwood, by Various
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TALES FROM BLACKWOOD ***
+
+***** This file should be named 35464-8.txt or 35464-8.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        https://www.gutenberg.org/3/5/4/6/35464/
+
+Produced by D Alexander, Juliet Sutherland and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+https://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+https://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at https://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit https://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including including checks, online payments and credit card
+donations.  To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     https://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
diff --git a/35464-8.zip b/35464-8.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..be344a2
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35464-8.zip
diff --git a/35464-h.zip b/35464-h.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..32fb65e
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35464-h.zip
diff --git a/35464-h/35464-h.htm b/35464-h/35464-h.htm
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4dcdf72
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35464-h/35464-h.htm
@@ -0,0 +1,7914 @@
+<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN"
+    "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd">
+
+<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">
+  <head>
+    <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" />
+    <title>
+      The Project Gutenberg eBook of Tales From &#8220;Blackwood&#8221;, Volume 4, by Various.
+    </title>
+    <style type="text/css">
+
+    p {  margin-top: .75em;
+         text-align: justify;
+         margin-bottom: .75em;
+         }
+    h1,h2,h3,h4 {
+         text-align: center; /* all headings centered */
+         clear: both;
+         }
+    td  {vertical-align: top;}
+
+    hr.large          {width: 65%; margin-top: 2em; margin-bottom: 2em;}
+    hr.medium         {width: 45%; margin-top: 2em; margin-bottom: 2em;}
+    hr.tiny           {width: 15%; margin-top: 0.25em; margin-bottom: 0.25em;}
+
+    div.centered {text-align:center;} /*work around for IE centering with CSS problem part 1 */
+    div.centered table {margin-left:auto; margin-right:auto; text-align:left;} /* work around for IE problem part 2 */
+
+    body{margin-left: 10%;
+         margin-right: 10%;
+        }
+
+    .pagenum  { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */
+            /*  visibility: hidden;  */
+                position: absolute;
+                left: 92%;
+                font-size: smaller;
+                text-align: right;
+              } /* page numbers */
+    .blockquot{margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 10%;}
+    .bbox     {border: none;}
+    .centerbox  {width: 22em;         /* heading box */
+                 margin: 0 auto;
+                 text-align: center;}
+    .centerbox2 {width: 17em;         /* heading box */
+                 margin: 0 auto;
+                 text-align: center;}
+    .centerbox3 {width: 14em;         /* heading box */
+                 margin: 0 auto;
+                 text-align: center;}
+    .centerbox4 {width: 15em;         /* heading box */
+                 margin: 0 auto;
+                 text-align: center;}
+    .centerbox5 {width: 29em;         /* heading box */
+                 margin: 0 auto;
+                 text-align: center;}
+    .centerbox6 {width: 28em;         /* heading box */
+                 margin: 0 auto;
+                 text-align: center;}
+    .n        {text-indent:0%;}
+    .center   {text-align: center;}
+    .smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
+    .right    {text-align: right;}
+    .caption  {font-weight: bold;}
+
+    </style>
+  </head>
+<body>
+
+
+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Tales from Blackwood, by Various
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Tales from Blackwood
+       Volume 4
+
+Author: Various
+
+Release Date: March 3, 2011 [EBook #35464]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TALES FROM BLACKWOOD ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by D Alexander, Juliet Sutherland and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+<h1>TALES</h1>
+<h3>FROM</h3>
+<h1>&#8220;BLACKWOOD&#8221;</h1>
+
+<div class="centerbox bbox"><h3>Contents of this Volume</h3>
+
+<p><a href="#Page_1"><i>How I Stood for the Dreepdaily Burghs.</i></a> <i>By Professor</i><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;"><i>Aytoun</i></span></p>
+
+<p><a href="#FIRST_AND_LAST"><i>First and Last.</i></a> <i>By William Mudford</i></p>
+
+<p><a href="#THE_DUKES_DILEMMA"><i>The Duke&#8217;s Dilemma.&mdash;A Chronicle of Niesenstein</i></a></p>
+
+<p><a href="#THE_OLD_GENTLEMANS_TEETOTUM"><i>The Old Gentleman&#8217;s Teetotum.</i></a></p>
+
+<p><a href="#Woe_to_us_when_we_lose_the_watery_wall"><i>&#8220;Woe to us when we lose the Watery Wall.&#8221;</i></a></p>
+
+<p><a href="#MY_COLLEGE_FRIENDS"><i>My College Friends.&mdash;Charles Russell, the</i><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;"><i>Gentleman-Commoner</i></span></a></p>
+
+<p><a href="#THE_MAGIC_LAY_OF_THE_ONE-HORSE_CHAY"><i>The Magic Lay of the One-Horse Chay.</i></a> <i>By the</i><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;"><i>late John Hughes, A.M.</i></span></p></div>
+
+<h3>WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS</h3>
+<h4>EDINBURGH AND LONDON</h4>
+
+<hr class="large" />
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</a></span></p><h2>TALES FROM &#8220;BLACKWOOD.&#8221;</h2>
+
+<h2>HOW I STOOD FOR THE DREEPDAILY BURGHS.</h2>
+
+<h3>BY PROFESSOR AYTOUN.</h3>
+
+<h4>[<i>MAGA.</i> <span class="smcap">September 1847.</span>]</h4>
+
+<h3>CHAPTER I.</h3>
+
+<p style="float: left; font-size: 100%; line-height: 80%; margin-top: 0;">&#8220;</p><p class="n"><span style="float:left;font-size:40px;line-height:25px;padding-top:2px;padding-bottom:1px;">M</span>y dear Dunshunner,&#8221; said my friend Robert M&#8217;Corkindale as he entered
+my apartments one fine morning in June last, &#8220;do you happen to have seen
+the share-list? Things are looking in Liverpool as black as thunder. The
+bullion is all going out of the country, and the banks are refusing to
+discount.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Bob M&#8217;Corkindale might very safely have kept his information to himself.
+I was, to say the truth, most painfully aware of the facts which he
+unfeelingly obtruded upon my notice. Six weeks before, in the full
+confidence that the panic was subsiding, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a></span>I had recklessly invested my
+whole capital in the shares of a certain railway company, which for the
+present shall be nameless; and each successive circular from my broker
+conveyed the doleful intelligence that the stock was going down to
+Erebus. Under these circumstances I certainly felt very far from being
+comfortable. I could not sell out except at a ruinous loss; and I could
+not well afford to hold on for any length of time, unless there was a
+reasonable prospect of a speedy amendment of the market. Let me confess
+it&mdash;I had of late come out rather too strong. When a man has made money
+easily, he is somewhat prone to launch into expense, and to presume too
+largely upon his credit. I had been idiot enough to make my <i>debut</i> in
+the sporting world&mdash;had started a couple of horses upon the verdant turf
+of Paisley&mdash;and, as a matter of course, was remorselessly sold by my
+advisers. These and some other minor amusements had preyed deleteriously
+upon my purse. In fact, I had not the ready; and as every tradesman
+throughout Glasgow was quaking in his shoes at the panic, and
+inconveniently eager to realise, I began to feel the reverse of
+comfortable, and was shy of showing myself in Buchanan Street. Several
+documents of a suspicious appearance&mdash;owing to the beastly practice of
+wafering, which is still adhered to by a certain class of
+correspondents&mdash;were lying upon my table at the moment when <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span>Bob
+entered. I could see that the villain comprehended their nature at a
+glance; but there was no use in attempting to mystify him. The Political
+Economist was, as I was well aware, in very much the same predicament as
+myself.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;To tell you the truth, M&#8217;Corkindale, I have not opened a share-list for
+a week. The faces of some of our friends are quite long enough to serve
+as a tolerable exponent of the market; and I saw Grabbie pass about five
+minutes ago with a yard of misery in his visage. But what&#8217;s the news?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Everything that is bad! Total stoppage expected in a week, and the
+mills already put upon short time.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You don&#8217;t say so!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It is a fact. Dunshunner, this infernal tampering with the currency
+will be the ruin of every mother&#8217;s son of us!&#8221;&mdash;and here Bob, in a fit
+of indignant enthusiasm, commenced a vivid harangue upon the principles
+of contraction and expansion, bullion, the metallic standard, and the
+Bank reserves, which no doubt was extremely sound, but which I shall not
+recapitulate to the reader.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That&#8217;s all very well, Bob,&#8221; said I&mdash;&#8220;very good in theory, but we should
+confine ourselves at present to practice. The main question seems to me
+to be this: How are we to get out of our present fix? I presume you are
+not at present afflicted with a remarkable plethora of cash?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Every farthing I have in the world is locked up in a falling line.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Any debts?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Not many; but quite enough to make me meditate a temporary retirement
+to Boulogne!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I believe you are better off than I am. I not only owe money, but am
+terribly bothered about some bills.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That&#8217;s awkward. Would it not be advisable to bolt?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I don&#8217;t think so. You used to tell me, Bob, that credit was the next
+best thing to capital. Now, I don&#8217;t despair of redeeming my capital yet,
+if I can only keep up my credit.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Right, undoubtedly, as you generally are. Do you know, Dunshunner, you
+deserve credit for your notions on political economy. But how is that to
+be done? Everybody is realising; the banks won&#8217;t discount; and when your
+bills become due, they will be, to a dead certainty, protested.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well&mdash;and what then?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;<i>Squalor carceris</i>, et cetera.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Hum&mdash;an unpleasant alternative, certainly. Come, Bob! put your wits to
+work. You used to be a capital hand for devices, and there must be some
+way or other of steering clear. Time is all we want.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay, to be sure&mdash;time is the great thing. It would be very unpleasant to
+look out on the world through a grating during the summer months!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I perspire at the bare idea!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Not a soul in town&mdash;all your friends away in the Highlands boating, or
+fishing, or shooting grouse&mdash;and you pent up in a stifling apartment of
+eight feet square, with nobody to talk to save the turnkey, and no
+prospect from the window except a deserted gooseberry stall!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;O Bob, don&#8217;t talk in that way! You make me perfectly miserable.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And all this for a ministerial currency crotchet? &#8217;Pon my soul, it&#8217;s
+too bad! I wish those fellows in Parliament&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well? Go on.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;By Jove! I&#8217;ve an idea at last!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You don&#8217;t say so! My dear Bob&mdash;out with it!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Dunshunner, are you a man of pluck?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I should think I am.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And ready to go the whole hog, if required?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The entire animal.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Then I&#8217;ll tell you what it is&mdash;the elections will be on
+immediately&mdash;and, by St Andrew, we&#8217;ll put you up for Parliament!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Me!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You. Why not? There are hundreds of men there quite as hard up, and not
+half so clever as yourself.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And what good would that do me?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Don&#8217;t you see? You need not care a farthing about your debts then, for
+the personal liberty of a member of the House of Commons is sacred. You
+can fire away right and left at the currency; and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span>who knows, if you
+play your cards well, but you may get a comfortable place?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, you <i>are</i> a genius, Bob! But then, what sort of principles should
+I profess?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That is a matter which requires consideration. What are your own
+feelings on the subject?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Perfect indifference. I am pledged to no party, and am free to exercise
+my independent judgment.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Of course, of course! We shall take care to stick all that into the
+address; but you must positively come forward with some kind of tangible
+political views. The currency will do for one point, but as to the
+others I see a difficulty.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Suppose I were to start as a Peelite?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Something may be said in favour of that view; but, on the whole, I
+should rather say not. That party may not look up for some little time,
+and then the currency is a stumbling block in the way. No, Dunshunner, I
+do not think, upon my honour, that it would be wise for you to commit
+yourself in that quarter at the present moment.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;If it were possible, I should like to join the Conservatives. They must
+come uppermost soon, for they are men of pluck and ability. What do you
+say to that? It is an advantage to act with gentlemen.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;True; but at the same time, I see many objections. In a year or two
+these may disappear; but the press is at present against them, and I
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span>should like you to start with popularity on your side.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Radical, then? What do you think of Annual Parliaments, Universal
+Suffrage, Vote by Ballot, and separation of Church and State?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am clear against that. These views are not popular with the electors,
+and even the mob would entertain a strong suspicion that you were
+humbugging them.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What, then, on earth, am I to do?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I will tell you. Come out as a pure and transparent Whig. In the
+present position of parties, it is at least a safe course to pursue, and
+it is always the readiest step to the possession of the loaves and the
+fishes.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Bob, I don&#8217;t like the Whigs!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No more do I. They are a bad lot; but they are <i>in</i>, and that is
+everything. Yes, Augustus,&#8221; continued Bob solemnly, &#8220;there is nothing
+else for it. You must start as a pure Whig, upon the Revolution
+principles of sixteen hundred and eighty-eight.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It would be a great relief to my mind, Bob, if you would tell me what
+those principles really are?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I have not the remotest idea; but we have plenty time to look them up.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Then, I suppose I must swallow the Dutchman and the Massacre of
+Glencoe?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, and the Darien business into the bargain. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span>These are the
+principles of your party, and of course you are bound to subscribe.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well! you know best; but I&#8217;d rather do anything else.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Pooh! never fear; you and Whiggery will agree remarkably well. That
+matter, then, we may consider as settled. The next point to be thought
+of is the constituency.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay, to be sure! what place am I to start for? I have got no interest,
+and if I had any, there are no nomination burghs in Scotland.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Aren&#8217;t there? That&#8217;s all you know, my fine fellow! Hark ye, Dunshunner,
+more than half of the Scottish burghs are at this moment held by
+nominees!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You amaze me, Bob! The thing is impossible! The Reform Bill, that great
+charter of our liberties&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Bravo! There spoke the Whig! The Reform Bill, you think, put an end to
+nomination? It did nothing of the kind; it merely transferred it. Did
+you ever hear of such things as <span class="smcap">Cliques</span>?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I have. But they are tremendously unpopular.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Nevertheless, they hold the returning power. There is a Clique in
+almost every town throughout Scotland, which leads the electors as
+quietly, but as surely, as the blind man is conducted by his dog. These
+are modelled on the true Venetian principles of secresy and terrorism.
+They control the whole <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span>constituency, put in the member, and in return
+monopolise the whole patronage of the place. If you have the Clique with
+you, you are almost sure of your election; if not, except in the larger
+towns, you have not a shadow of success. Now, what I want to impress
+upon you is this, that wherever you go, be sure that you communicate
+with the Clique.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But how am I to find it out?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That is not always an easy matter, for nobody will acknowledge that he
+belongs to it. However, the thing is not impossible, and we shall
+certainly make the experiment. Come, then, I suppose you agree with me,
+that it is hopeless to attempt the larger towns?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Clearly: so far as I see, they are all provided already with
+candidates.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And you may add, Cliques, Dunshunner. Well, then, let us search among
+the smaller places. What would you think of a dash at the Stirling
+District of Burghs?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why, there are at least half-a-dozen candidates in the field.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;True, that would naturally lessen your chance. Depend upon it, some one
+of them has already found the key to the Clique. But there&#8217;s the
+Dreepdaily District with nobody standing for it, except the Honourable
+Paul Pozzlethwaite; and I question whether he knows himself the nature
+or the texture of his politics. Really, Dunshunner, that&#8217;s the very
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span>place for you; and if we look sharp after it, I bet the long odds that
+you will carry it in a canter.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Do you really think so?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I do indeed; and the sooner you start the better. Let me see. I know
+Provost Binkie of Dreepdaily. He is a Railway bird, was an original
+Glenmutchkin shareholder, and fortunately sold out at a premium. He is a
+capital man to begin with, and I think will be favourable to you:
+besides, Dreepdaily is an old Whig burgh. I am not so sure of
+Kittleweem. It is a shade more respectable than Dreepdaily, and has
+always been rather Conservative. The third burgh, Drouthielaw, is a nest
+of Radicalism; but I think it may be won over, if we open the
+public-houses.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But, about expenses, Bob&mdash;won&#8217;t it be a serious matter?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why, you must lay your account with spending some five or six hundred
+pounds upon the nail; and I advise you to sell stock to that amount at
+least. The remainder, should it cost you more, can stand over.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Bob, five or six hundred pounds is a very serious sum!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Granted&mdash;but then look at the honour and the immunity you will enjoy.
+Recollect that yours is an awkward predicament. If you don&#8217;t get into
+Parliament, I see nothing for it but a stoppage.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;That&#8217;s true enough. Well&mdash;hang it, then, I will start!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;There&#8217;s a brave fellow! I should not in the least wonder to see you in
+the Cabinet yet. The sooner you set about preparing your address the
+better.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What! without seeing Provost Binkie?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;To be sure. What is the use of wading when you can plunge at once into
+deep water? Besides, let me tell you that you are a great deal more
+likely to get credit when it is understood that you are an actual
+candidate.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;There is something in that too. But I say, Bob&mdash;you really must help me
+with the address. I am a bad hand at these things, and shall never be
+able to tickle up the electors without your assistance.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I&#8217;ll do all I can. Just ring for a little brandy and water, and we&#8217;ll
+set to work. I make no doubt that, between us, we can polish off a
+plausible placard.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Two hours afterwards, I forwarded, through the post-office, a missive,
+addressed to the editor of the <i>Dreepdaily Patriot</i>, with the following
+document enclosed. I am rather proud of it, as a manifesto of my
+political principles:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span></p><div class="blockquot"><p>&#8220;TO THE ELECTORS OF THE UNITED DISTRICT OF BURGHS OF DREEPDAILY,
+DROUTHIELAW, AND KITTLEWEEM.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;<span class="smcap">Gentlemen</span>,&mdash;I am induced, by a requisition, to which are appended
+the signatures of a large majority of your influential and
+patriotic body, to offer myself as a candidate for the high honour
+of your representation in the ensuing session of Parliament. Had I
+consulted my own inclination, I should have preferred the leisure
+of retirement and the pursuit of those studies so congenial to my
+taste, to the more stormy and agitating arena of politics. But a
+deep sense of public duty compels me to respond to your call.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My views upon most subjects are so well known to many of you, that
+a lengthened explanation of them would probably be superfluous.
+Still, however, it may be right and proper for me to explain
+generally what they are.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My principles are based upon the great and glorious Revolution
+settlement of 1688, which, by abolishing, or at least superseding,
+hereditary right, intrusted the guardianship of the Crown to an
+enlightened oligarchy, for the protection of an unparticipating
+people. That oligarchy is now most ably represented by her
+Majesty&#8217;s present Ministers, to whom, unhesitatingly and
+uncompromisingly, except <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span>upon a very few matters, I give in my
+adhesion so long as they shall continue in office.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Opposed to faction and an enemy to misrule, I am yet friendly to
+many changes of a sweeping and organic character. Without relaxing
+the ties which at present bind together Church and State in
+harmonious coalition and union, I would gradually confiscate the
+revenues of the one for the increasing necessities of the other. I
+never would become a party to an attack upon the House of Peers, so
+long as it remains subservient to the will of the Commons; nor
+would I alter or extend the franchise, except from cause shown, and
+the declared and universal wish of the non-electors.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I highly approve of the policy which has been pursued towards
+Ireland, and of further concessions to a deep-rooted system of
+agitation. I approve of increased endowments to that much-neglected
+country; and I applaud that generosity which relieves it from all
+participation in the common burdens of the State. Such a line of
+policy cannot fail to elevate the moral tone, and to develop the
+internal resources of Ireland; and I never wish to see the day when
+the Scotsman and the Irishman may, in so far as taxation is
+concerned, be placed upon an equal footing. It appears to me a
+highly equitable adjustment that the savings of the first should be
+appropriated for the wants of the second.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am in favour of the centralising system, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span>which, by drafting
+away the wealth and talent of the provinces, must augment the
+importance of London. I am strongly opposed to the maintenance of
+any local or Scottish institutions, which can merely serve to
+foster a spirit of decayed nationality; and I am of opinion that
+all boards and offices should be transferred to England, with the
+exception of those connected with the Dreepdaily district, which it
+is the bounden duty of the legislature to protect and preserve.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am a friend to the spread of education, but hostile to any
+system by means of which religion, especially Protestantism, may be
+taught.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am a supporter of free trade in all its branches. I cannot see
+any reason for the protection of native industry, and am ready to
+support any fundamental measure by means of which articles of
+foreign manufacture may be brought to compete in the home market
+with our own, without restriction and without reciprocity. It has
+always appeared to me that our imports are of far greater
+importance than our exports. I think that any lowering of price
+which may be the result of such a commercial policy, will be more
+than adequately compensated by a coercive measure which shall
+compel the artisan to augment the period of his labour. I am
+against any short hours&#8217; bill, and am of opinion that infant labour
+should be stringently and universally enforced.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span>&#8220;With regard to the currency, I feel that I may safely leave that
+matter in the hands of her Majesty&#8217;s present Ministers, who have
+never shown any indisposition to oppose themselves to the popular
+wish.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;These, gentlemen, are my sentiments; and I think that, upon
+consideration, you will find them such as may entitle me to your
+cordial support. I need not say how highly I shall value the trust,
+or how zealously I shall endeavour to promote your local interests.
+These, probably, can be best advanced by a cautious regard to my
+own.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;On any other topics I shall be happy to give you the fullest and
+most satisfactory explanation. I shall merely add, as a summary of
+my opinions, that while ready on the one hand to coerce labour, so
+as to stimulate internal industry to the utmost, and to add largely
+to the amount of our population; I am, upon the other, a friend to
+the liberty of the subject, and to the promotion of such genial and
+sanatory measures as suit the tendency of our enlightened age, the
+diffusion of universal philanthropy, and the spread of popular
+opinion. I remain, <span class="smcap">Gentlemen</span>, with the deepest respect, your very
+obedient and humble servant,</p>
+
+<p class="right"><span style="margin-right: 3em;">&#8220;<span class="smcap">Augustus Reginald Dunshunner.</span></span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;<span class="smcap">St Mirren&#8217;s House</span>,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 2em;">&#8220;<i>June 1847.</i>&#8221;</span></p></div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span></p><p>The editor of the <i>Dreepdaily Patriot</i>, wisely considering that this
+advertisement was the mere prelude to many more, was kind enough to
+dedicate a leading article to an exposition of my past services. I am
+not a vain man; so that I shall not here reprint the panegyric passed
+upon myself, or the ovation which my friend foresaw. Indeed, I am so far
+from vain, that I really began to think, while perusing the columns of
+the <i>Patriot</i>, that I had somewhat foolishly shut my eyes hitherto to
+the greatness of that talent, and the brilliancy of those parts which
+were now proclaimed to the world. Yes! it was quite clear that I had
+hitherto been concealing my candle under a bushel&mdash;that I was cut out by
+nature for a legislator&mdash;and that I was the very man for the Dreepdaily
+electors. Under this conviction, I started upon my canvass, munimented
+with letters of introduction from M&#8217;Corkindale, who, much against his
+inclination, was compelled to remain at home.</p>
+
+<h3>CHAPTER II.</h3>
+
+<p>Dreepdaily is a beautiful little town, embosomed in an amphitheatre of
+hills which have such a winning way with the clouds that the summits are
+seldom visible. Dreepdaily, if situated in Arabia, would be deemed a
+paradise. All round it the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span>vegetation is long, and lithe, and
+luxuriant; the trees keep their verdure late; and the rush of the
+nettles is amazing.</p>
+
+<p>How the inhabitants contrive to live, is to me a matter of mystery.
+There is no particular trade or calling exercised in the place&mdash;no busy
+hum of artisans, or clanking of hammer or machinery. Round the suburbs,
+indeed, there are rows of mean-looking cottages, each with its strapping
+lass in the national short-gown at the door, from the interior of which
+resounds the boom of the weaver&#8217;s shuttle. There is also one factory at
+a little distance; but when you reach the town itself, all is
+supereminently silent. In fine weather, crowds of urchins of both sexes
+are seen sunning themselves on the quaint-looking flights of steps by
+which the doors, usually on the second story, are approached; and as you
+survey the swarms of bare-legged and flaxen-haired infantry, you cannot
+help wondering in your heart what has become of the adult population. It
+is only towards evening that the seniors appear. Then you may find them
+either congregated on the bridge discussing politics and polemics, or
+lounging in the little square in affectionate vicinity to the
+public-house, or leaning over the windows in their shirt-sleeves, in the
+tranquil enjoyment of a pipe. In short, the cares and the bustle of the
+world, even in this railroad age, seem to have fallen lightly on the
+pacific burghers of Dreepdaily. According to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span>their own account, the
+town was once a peculiar favourite of royalty. It boasts of a charter
+from King David the First, and there is an old ruin in the neighbourhood
+which is said to have been a palace of that redoubted monarch. It may be
+so, for there is no accounting for constitutions; but had I been King
+David, I certainly should have preferred a place where the younger
+branches of the family would have been less liable to the accident of
+catarrh.</p>
+
+<p>Dreepdaily, in the olden time, was among the closest of all the burghs.
+Its representation had a fixed price, which was always rigorously
+exacted and punctually paid; and for half a year thereafter, the
+corporation made merry thereon. The Reform Bill, therefore, was by no
+means popular in the council. A number of discontented Radicals and of
+small householders, who hitherto had been excluded from participation in
+the good things of the State, now got upon the roll, and seemed
+determined for a time to carry matters with a high hand, and to return a
+member of their own. And doubtless they would have succeeded, had not
+the same spirit been abroad in the sister burghs of Drouthielaw and
+Kittleweem; which, for some especial reason or other, known doubtless to
+Lord John Russell, but utterly unintelligible to the rest of mankind,
+were, though situated in different counties, associated with Dreepdaily
+in the return of their future member. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span>Each of these places had a
+separate interest, and started a separate man; so that, amidst this
+conflict of Liberalism, the old member for Dreepdaily, a Conservative,
+again slipped into his place. The consequence was, that the three burghs
+were involved in a desperate feud.</p>
+
+<p>In those days there lived in Dreepdaily one Laurence Linklater, more
+commonly known by the name of Tod Lowrie, who exercised the respectable
+functions of a writer and a messenger-at-arms. Lowrie was a remarkably
+acute individual, of the Gilbert Glossin school, by no means scrupulous
+in his dealings, but of singular plausibility and courage. He had
+started in life as a Radical, but finding that that line did not pay
+well, he had prudently subsided into a Whig, and in that capacity had
+acquired a sort of local notoriety. He had contrived, moreover, to gain
+a tolerable footing in Drouthielaw, and in the course of time became
+intimately acquainted with the circumstances of its inhabitants, and
+under the pretext of agency had contrived to worm the greater part of
+their title-deeds into his keeping.</p>
+
+<p>It then occurred to Lowrie, that, notwithstanding the discordant
+situation of the burghs, something might be done to effect a union under
+his own especial chieftainship. Not that he cared in his heart one
+farthing about the representation&mdash;Tyrian and Trojan were in reality the
+same to him&mdash;but he saw that the gain of these burghs would be of
+immense <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span>advantage to his party, and he determined that the advantage
+should be balanced by a corresponding profit to himself. Accordingly, he
+began quietly to look to the state of the neglected register; lodged
+objections to all claims given in by parties upon whom he could not
+depend; smuggled a sufficient number of his own clients and adherents
+upon the roll, and in the course of three years was able to intimate to
+an eminent Whig partisan, that he, Laurence Linklater, held in his own
+hands the representation of the Dreepdaily Burghs, could turn the
+election either way he pleased, and was open to reasonable terms.</p>
+
+<p>The result was, that Mr Linklater was promoted to a very lucrative
+county office, and moreover, that the whole patronage of the district
+was thereafter observed to flow through the Laurentian channel. Of
+course all those who could claim kith or kindred with Lowrie were
+provided for in the first instance; but there were stray crumbs still
+going, and in no one case could even a gaugership be obtained without
+the adhesion of an additional vote. Either the applicant must be ready
+to sell his independence, or, if that were done already, to pervert the
+politics of a relative. A Whig member was returned at the next election
+by an immense majority; and for some time Linklater reigned supreme in
+the government of Dreepdaily and Drouthielaw.</p>
+
+<p>But death, which spares no governors, knocked <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span>at the door of Linklater.
+A surfeit of mutton-pies, after the triumphant termination of a
+law-suit, threw the burghs into a state of anarchy. Lowrie was gathered
+unto his fathers, and there was no one to reign in his stead.</p>
+
+<p>At least there was no apparent ruler. Every one observed, that the
+stream of patronage and of local jobbing still flowed on as copiously as
+before, but nobody could discover by what hands it was now directed.
+Suspicion fastened its eyes for some time upon Provost Binkie; but the
+vehement denials of that gentleman, though not in themselves conclusive,
+at last gained credence from the fact, that a situation which he had
+solicited from Government for his nephew was given to another person.
+Awful rumours began to circulate of the existence of a secret junta.
+Each man regarded his neighbour with intense suspicion and distrust,
+because, for anything he knew, that neighbour might be a member of the
+terrible tribunal, by means of which all the affairs of the community
+were regulated, and a single ill-timed word might absolutely prove his
+ruin. Such, indeed, in one instance was the case. In an evil hour for
+himself, an independent town-councillor thought fit to denounce the
+Clique as an unconstitutional and tyrannical body, and to table a motion
+for an inquiry as to its nature, members, and proceedings. So strong was
+the general alarm that he could not even find a seconder. But the matter
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span>did not stop there. The rash meddler had drawn upon himself the
+vengeance of a remorseless foe. His business began to fall off; rumours
+of the most malignant description were circulated regarding his
+character; two of his relatives who held situations were dismissed
+without warning and without apology; his credit was assailed in every
+quarter; and in less than six months after he had made that most
+unfortunate harangue, the name of Thomas Gritt, baker in Dreepdaily, was
+seen to figure in the Gazette. So fell Gritt a martyr, and if any one
+mourned for him, it was in secret, and the profoundest awe.</p>
+
+<p>Such was the political state of matters, at the time when I rode down
+the principal street of Dreepdaily. I need hardly say that I did not
+know a single soul in the burgh; in that respect, indeed, there was
+entire reciprocity on both sides, for the requisition referred to in my
+address was a felicitous fiction by M&#8217;Corkindale. I stopped before a
+substantial bluff-looking house, the lower part of which was occupied as
+a shop, and a scroll above informed me that the proprietor was Walter
+Binkie, grocer.</p>
+
+<p>A short squat man, with an oleaginous face and remarkably bushy
+eyebrows, was in the act of weighing out a pennyworth of &#8220;sweeties&#8221; to a
+little girl as I entered.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Is the Provost of Dreepdaily within?&#8221; asked I.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I&#8217;se warrant he&#8217;s that,&#8221; was the reply; &#8220;Hae, my dear, there&#8217;s a sugar
+almond t&#8217;ye into the bargain. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span>Gae your waus hame noo, and tell your
+mither that I&#8217;ve some grand new tea. Weel, sir, what was you wanting?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I wish particularly to speak to the Provost.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Weel then, speak awa&#8217;,&#8221; and he straightway squatted himself before his
+ledger.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I beg your pardon, sir! Have I really the honour of addressing&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Walter Binkie, the Provost of this burgh. But if ye come on Council
+matters, ye&#8217;re lang ahint the hour. I&#8217;m just steppin&#8217; up to denner, and
+I never do business after that.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But perhaps you will allow me&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I will allow nae man, sir, to interrupt my leisure. If ye&#8217;re wanting
+onything, gang to the Town-Clerk.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Permit me one moment&mdash;my name is Dunshunner.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Eh, what!&#8221; cried the Provost, bounding from his stool, &#8220;speak lower or
+the lad will hear ye. Are ye the gentleman that&#8217;s stannin&#8217; for the
+burrows?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The same.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Lord-sake! what for did ye no say that afore? Jims! I say, Jims! Look
+after the shop! Come this way, sir, up the stair, and take care ye dinna
+stumble on that toom cask o&#8217; saut.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I followed the Provost up a kind of corkscrew stair, until we emerged
+upon a landing-place in his own proper domicile. We entered the
+dining-room. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span>It was showily furnished; with an enormous urn of paper
+roses in the grate, two stuffed parroquets upon the mantelpiece, a
+flamingo-coloured carpet, enormous worsted bell-pulls, and a couple of
+portraits by some peripatetic follower of Vandyke, one of them
+representing the Provost in his civic costume, and the other bearing
+some likeness to a fat female in a turban, with a cairngorm brooch about
+the size of a platter on her breast, and no want of carmine on the space
+dedicated to the cheeks.</p>
+
+<p>The Provost locked the door, and then clapped his ear to the key-hole.
+He next approached the window, drew down the blinds so as effectually to
+prevent any opposite scrutiny, and motioned me to a seat.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And so ye&#8217;re Mr Dunshunner?&#8221; said he. &#8220;Oh man, but I&#8217;ve been wearyin&#8217;
+to see you!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Indeed! you flatter me very much.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Nae flattery, Mr Dunshunner&mdash;nane! I&#8217;m a plain honest man, that&#8217;s a&#8217;,
+and naebody can say that Wattie Binkie has blawn in their lug. And sae
+ye&#8217;re comin&#8217; forrard for the burrows? It&#8217;s a bauld thing, sir&mdash;a bauld
+thing, and a great honour ye seek. No that I think ye winna do honour to
+it, but it&#8217;s a great trust for sae young a man; a heavy responsibility,
+as a body may say, to hang upon a callant&#8217;s shouthers.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I hope, Mr Binkie, that my future conduct may show that I can at least
+act up to my professions.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Nae doubt, sir&mdash;I&#8217;m no misdoubtin&#8217; ye, and to say the truth ye profess
+weel. I&#8217;ve read yer address, sir, and I like yer principles&mdash;they&#8217;re the
+stench auld Whig anes&mdash;keep a&#8217; we can to ourselves, and haud a gude
+grup. But wha&#8217;s bringing ye forrard? Wha signed yer requisition? No the
+Kittleweem folk, I hope?&mdash;that wad be a sair thing against ye.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why, no&mdash;certainly not. The fact is, Mr Binkie, that I have not seen
+the requisition. Its contents were communicated by a third party, on
+whom I have the most perfect reliance; and as I understood there was
+some delicacy in the matter, I did not think it proper to insist upon a
+sight of the signatures.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The Provost gave a long whistle.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I see it noo!&#8221; he said; &#8220;I see it! I ken&#8217;t there was something gaun on
+forbye the common. Ye&#8217;re a lucky man, Mr Dunshunner, and ye&#8217;re election
+is as sure as won. Ye&#8217;ve been spoken to by them ye ken o&#8217;!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Upon my word, I do not understand&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay&mdash;ay! Ye&#8217;re richt to be cautious. Weel I wat they are kittle cattle
+to ride the water on. But wha was&#8217;t, sir,&mdash;wha was&#8217;t? Ye needna be
+feared of me. I ken how to keep a secret.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Really, Mr Binkie, except through a third party, as I have told you
+already, I have had no communication with any one.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Weel&mdash;they <i>are</i> close&mdash;there&#8217;s nae denyin&#8217; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span>that. But ye surely maun
+hae some inkling o&#8217; the men&mdash;Them that&#8217;s ahint the screen, ye ken?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Indeed, I have not. But stay&mdash;if you allude to the Clique&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Wheest, sir, wheest!&#8221; cried the Provost, in an agitated tone of voice.
+&#8220;Gudesake, tak care what ye say&mdash;ye dinna ken wha may hear ye. Ye hae
+spoken a word that I havena heard this mony a day without shaking in my
+shoon. Aye speak ceevily o&#8217; the deil&mdash;ye dinna ken how weel ye may be
+acquaunt!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Surely, sir, there can be no harm in mentioning the&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No under that name, Mr Dunshunner&mdash;no under that name, and no here. I
+wadna ca&#8217; them that on the tap of Ben-Nevis without a grue. Ay&mdash;and sae
+<span class="smcap">They</span> are wi&#8217; ye, are they? Weel, they are a queer set!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You know the parties, then, Mr Binkie?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I ken nae mair aboot them than I ken whaur to find the caverns o&#8217; the
+east wind. Whether they are three, or thretty, or a hunder, surpasses my
+knowledge; but they hae got the secret o&#8217; the fern seed, and walk about
+invisible. It is a&#8217;thegether a great mystery, but doubtless ye will
+obtain a glimpse. In the mean time, since ye come from that quarter, I
+am bound to obey.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You are very kind, I am sure, Mr Binkie. May <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span>I ask, then, your opinion
+of matters as they stand at present?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Our present member, Mr Whistlerigg, will no stand again. He&#8217;s got some
+place or ither up in London; and, my certie, he&#8217;s worked weel for it!
+There&#8217;s naebody else stannin&#8217; forbye that man Pozzlethwaite, and he
+disna verra weel ken what he is himsel&#8217;. If it&#8217;s a&#8217; richt yonder,&#8221;
+continued the Provost, jerking his thumb over his left shoulder, &#8220;ye&#8217;re
+as gude as elected.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>As it would have been extremely impolitic for me under present
+circumstances to have disclaimed all connection with a body which
+exercised an influence so marked and decided, I allowed Provost Binkie
+to remain under the illusion that I was the chosen candidate of the
+Clique. In fact, I had made up my mind that I should become so at any
+cost, so soon as it vouchsafed to disclose itself and appear before my
+longing eyes. I therefore launched at once into practical details, in
+the discussion of which the Provost exhibited both shrewdness and
+goodwill. He professed his readiness at once to become chairman of my
+committee, drew out a list of the most influential persons in the burgh
+to whom I ought immediately to apply, and gave me much information
+regarding the politics of the other places. From what he said, I
+gathered that, with the aid of the Clique, I was sure of Dreepdaily and
+Drouthielaw&mdash;as to the electors of Kittleweem, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span>they were, in his
+opinion, &#8220;a wheen dirt,&#8221; whom it would be useless to consult, and
+hopeless to conciliate. I certainly had no previous idea that the bulk
+of the electors had so little to say in the choice of their own
+representative. When I ventured to hint at the remote possibility of a
+revolt, the Provost indignantly exclaimed&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;They daurna, sir&mdash;they daurna for the lives of them do it! Set them up
+indeed! Let me see ony man that wad venture to vote against the Town
+Council and the&mdash;and <i>them</i>, and I&#8217;ll make a clean sweep of him out of
+Dreepdaily!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Nothing, in short, could have been more satisfactory than this
+statement.</p>
+
+<p>Whilst we were conversing together, I heard of a sudden a jingling in
+the next apartment, as if some very aged and decrepid harpsichord were
+being exorcised into the unusual effort of a tune. I glanced inquiringly
+to the door, but the Provost took no notice of my look. In a little
+time, however, there was a short preliminary cough, and a female voice
+of considerable compass took up the following strain. I remember the
+words not more from their singularity, than from the introduction to
+which they were the prelude:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="centerbox2 bbox"><p>&#8220;I heard a wee bird singing clear,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">In the tight, tight month o&#8217; June&mdash;</span><br />
+&#8216;What garr&#8217;d ye buy when stocks were high,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And sell when shares were doun?</span><br />
+<br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span>&#8216;Gin ye hae play&#8217;d me fause, my luve,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">In simmer &#8217;mang the rain;</span><br />
+When siller&#8217;s scant and scarce at Yule,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I&#8217;ll pay ye back again!</span><br />
+<br />
+&#8216;O bonny were the Midland Halves,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">When credit was sae free!&mdash;</span><br />
+But wae betide the Southron loon<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">That sold they Halves to me!&#8217;&#8221;</span></p></div>
+
+<p>I declare, upon the word of a Railway Director, that I was never more
+taken aback in my life. Attached as I have been from youth to the
+Scottish ballad poetry, I never yet had heard a ditty of this peculiar
+stamp, which struck me as a happy combination of tender fancy with the
+sterner realities of the Exchange. Provost Binkie smiled as he remarked
+my amazement.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It&#8217;s only my daughter Maggie, Mr Dunshunner,&#8221; he said. &#8220;Puir thing!
+It&#8217;s little she has here to amuse her, and sae she whiles writes thae
+kind o&#8217; sangs hersel&#8217;. She&#8217;s weel up to the railroads; for ye ken I was
+an auld Glenmutchkin holder.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Indeed! Was that song Miss Binkie&#8217;s own composition?&#8221; asked I, with
+considerable interest.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Atweel it is that, and mair too. Maggie, haud your skirling!&mdash;ye&#8217;re
+interrupting me and the gentleman.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I beg, on no account, Mr Binkie, that I may be allowed to interfere
+with your daughter&#8217;s amusement. Indeed, it is full time that I were
+betaking <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span>myself to the hotel, unless you will honour me so far as to
+introduce me to Miss Binkie.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Deil a bit o&#8217; you gangs to the hotel to-night!&#8221; replied the hospitable
+Provost. &#8220;You bide where you are to denner and bed, and we&#8217;ll hae a
+comfortable crack over matters in the evening. Maggie! come ben, lass,
+and speak to Mr Dunshunner.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Miss Binkie, who I am strongly of opinion was all the while conscious of
+the presence of a stranger, now entered from the adjoining room. She was
+really a pretty girl&mdash;tall, with lively sparkling eyes, and a profusion
+of dark hair, which she wore in the somewhat exploded shape of ringlets.
+I was not prepared for such an apparition, and I daresay stammered as I
+paid my compliments.</p>
+
+<p>Margaret Binkie, however, had no sort of <i>mauvaise honte</i> about her. She
+had received her final polish in a Glasgow boarding-school, and did
+decided credit to the seminary in which the operation had been
+performed. At all events, she was the reverse of shy; for in less than a
+quarter of an hour we were rattling away as though we had been
+acquainted from childhood; and, to say the truth, I found myself getting
+into something like a strong flirtation. Old Binkie grinned a delighted
+smile, and went out to superintend the decanting of a bottle of port.</p>
+
+<p>I need not, I think, expatiate upon the dinner which followed. The
+hotch-potch was unexceptionable, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span>the salmon curdy, and the lamb roasted
+without a fault; and if the red-armed Hebe who attended was somewhat
+awkward in her motions, she was at least zealous to a degree. The
+Provost got into high feather, and kept plying me perpetually with wine.
+When the cloth was removed, he drank with all formality to my success;
+and as Margaret Binkie, with a laugh, did due honour to the toast, I
+could not do less than indulge in a little flight of fancy as I proposed
+the ladies, and, in connection with them, the Flower of Dreepdaily&mdash;a
+sentiment which was acknowledged with a blush.</p>
+
+<p>After Miss Binkie retired, the Provost grew more and more convivial. He
+would not enter into business, but regaled me with numerous anecdotes of
+his past exploits, and of the lives and conversation of his compatriots
+in the Town Council&mdash;some of whom appeared, from his description, to be
+very facetious individuals indeed. More particularly, he dwelt upon the
+good qualities and importance of a certain Mr Thomas Gills, better known
+to his friends and kinsfolk by the sobriquet of Toddy Tam, and
+recommended me by all means to cultivate the acquaintance of that
+personage. But, however otherwise loquacious, nothing would persuade the
+Provost to launch out upon the subject of the Clique. He really seemed
+to entertain as profound a terror of that body as ever Huguenot did of
+the Inquisition, and he cut me short at last by ejaculating&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Sae nae mair on&#8217;t, Mr Dunshunner&mdash;sae nae mair on&#8217;t! It&#8217;s ill talking
+on thae things. Ye dinna ken what the Clique is, nor whaur it is. But
+this I ken, that they are everywhere, and a&#8217; aboot us; they hear
+everything that passes in this house, and I whiles suspect that Mysie,
+the servant lass, is naething else than are o&#8217; them in petticoats!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>More than this I could not elicit. After we had finished a considerable
+quantum of port, we adjourned to the drawing-room, and, tea over, Miss
+Binkie sang to me several of her own songs, whilst the Provost snored
+upon the sofa. Both the songs and the singer were clever, the situation
+was interesting, and, somehow or other, I found my fingers more than
+once in contact with Maggie&#8217;s, as I turned over the leaves of the music.</p>
+
+<p>At last the Provost rose, with a stertoracious grunt. I thought this
+might be the signal for retiring to rest; but such were not the habits
+of Dreepdaily. Salt herrings and finnan-haddocks were produced along
+with the hot water and accompaniments; and I presume it was rather late
+before my host conducted me to my chamber. If I dreamed at all that
+night, it must have been of Margaret Binkie.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span></p><h3>CHAPTER III.</h3>
+
+<p>The next morning, whilst dressing, I heard a blithe voice carolling on
+the stair. It was the orison of Margaret Binkie as she descended to the
+breakfast-room. I listened and caught the following verses:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="centerbox2 bbox"><p>&#8220;O haud away frae me,&#8221; she said,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">&#8220;I pray you let me be!</span><br />
+Hae you the shares ye held, my lord,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">What time ye courted me?</span><br />
+<br />
+&#8220;&#8217;Tis woman&#8217;s weird to luve and pine,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And man&#8217;s is to forget:</span><br />
+Hold you the shares, Lord James,&#8221; she said,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">&#8220;Or hae ye sold them yet?&#8221;</span><br />
+<br />
+&#8220;My York Extensions, bought at par,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I sold at seven pund prem.&mdash;</span><br />
+And, O my heart is sair to think<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I had nae mair of them!&#8221;</span></p></div>
+
+<p>&#8220;That is really a remarkable girl!&#8221; thought I, as I stropped my razor.
+&#8220;Such genius, such animation, and such a thorough knowledge of the
+market! She would make a splendid wife for a railway director.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Come away, Mr Dunshunner,&#8221; said the Provost, as I entered the parlour.
+&#8220;I hope ye are yaup, for ye have a lang day&#8217;s wark before ye.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am sure it would be an agreeable one, sir, if <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span>accompanied with such
+sweet music as I heard this morning. Pardon me, Miss Binkie, but you
+really are a perfect Sappho.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You are too good, I am sure, Mr Dunshunner. Will you take tea or
+coffee?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Maggie,&#8221; said the Provost, &#8220;I maun put a stop to that skirling&mdash;it&#8217;s
+well eneuch for the night, but the morning is the time for business. Mr
+Dunshunner, I&#8217;ve been thinking over this job of ours, and here is a bit
+listie of the maist influential persons in Dreepdaily, that you maun
+positeevely see this day. They wad be affronted if they kenned ye were
+here without calling on them. Noo, mark me,&mdash;I dinna just say that ony
+o&#8217; them is the folk ye ken o&#8217;, but it&#8217;s no ava unlikely; sae ye maun
+even use yer ain discretion. Tak an auld man&#8217;s word for it, and aye put
+your best fit foremost.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I acquiesced in the justice of the suggestion, although I was really
+unconscious which foot deserved the precedence. The Provost continued&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Just ae word mair. Promising is a cheap thing, and ye needna be very
+sparing of it. If onybody speaks to ye about a gaugership, or a place in
+the Customs or the Post-office, just gie ye a bit wink, tak out your
+note-book, and make a mark wi&#8217; the keelavine pen. It aye looks weel, and
+gangs as far as a downright promise. Deny or refuse naebody. Let them
+think that ye can do everything wi&#8217; the Ministry; and if there should
+happen to be a whaup <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span>in the rape, let them even find it out theirsells.
+Tell them that ye stand up for Dreepdaily, and its auld charter, and the
+Whig constitution, and liberal principles. Maist feck o&#8217; them disna ken
+what liberal principles is, but they like the word. I whiles think that
+liberal principles means saying muckle and doing naething, but you
+needna tell them that. The Whigs are lang-headed chiells, and they hae
+had the sense to claim a&#8217; the liberality for themsells, ever since the
+days o&#8217; the Reform Bill.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Such and suchlike were the valuable maxims which Provost Binkie
+instilled into my mind during the progress of breakfast. I must say they
+made a strong impression upon me; and any candidate who may hereafter
+come forward for the representation of a Scottish burgh, on principles
+similar to my own, would do well to peruse and remember them.</p>
+
+<p>At length I rose to go.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Do I carry your good wishes along with me, Miss Binkie, on my canvass?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Most cordially, Mr Dunshunner; I shall be perfectly miserable until I
+learn your success. I can assure you of my support, and earnestly wish I
+was an elector.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Enviable would be the Member of Parliament who could represent so
+charming a constituency!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, Mr Dunshunner!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Directed by the Provost&#8217;s list, I set forth in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span>search of my
+constituency. The first elector whose shop I entered was a draper of the
+name M&#8217;Auslan. I found him in the midst of his tartans.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Mr M&#8217;Auslan, I presume?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay,&#8221; was the curt response.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Allow me to introduce myself, sir. My name is Dunshunner.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You are probably aware, sir, that I am a candidate for the
+representation of these burghs?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I hope and trust, Mr M&#8217;Auslan, that my principles are such as meet with
+your approbation?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Maybe.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am a friend, sir, to civil and religious liberty,&mdash;to Dreepdaily and
+its charter,&mdash;to the old Whig constitution of 1688,&mdash;and to the true
+interests of the people.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Weel?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Confound the fellow!&#8221; thought I, &#8220;was there ever such an insensate
+block? I must bring him to the point at once. Mr M&#8217;Auslan,&#8221; I continued
+in a very insinuating tone, &#8220;such being my sentiments, may I venture to
+calculate on your support?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;There&#8217;s twa words to that bargain,&#8221; replied M&#8217;Auslan, departing from
+monosyllables.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Any further explanation that may be required, I am sure will readily&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It&#8217;s nae use.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;How?&#8221; said I, a good deal alarmed. &#8220;Is it possible you are already
+pledged?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Then what objection&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I made nane. I see ye dinna ken us here. The pear&#8217;s no ripe yet.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What pear?&#8221; asked I, astonished at this horticultural allusion.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Hark ye,&#8221; said M&#8217;Auslan, looking stealthily around him, and for the
+first time exhibiting some marks of intelligence in his features&mdash;&#8220;Hark
+ye,&mdash;hae ye seen Toddy Tam yet?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Mr Gills? Not yet. I am just going to wait upon him; but Provost Binkie
+has promised me his support.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Wha cares for Provost Binkie! Gang to Toddy Tam.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Not one other word could I extract from the oracular M&#8217;Auslan; so, like
+a pilgrim, I turned my face towards Mecca, and sallied forth in quest of
+this all-important personage. On my way, however, I entered the house of
+another voter, one Shanks, a member of the Town-Council, from whom I
+received equally unsatisfactory replies. He, like M&#8217;Auslan, pointed
+steadily towards Toddy Tam. Now, who and what was the individual who, by
+the common consent of his townsmen, had earned so honourable an epithet?</p>
+
+<p>Mr Thomas Gills had at one time been a clerk in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span>the office of the
+departed Linklater. His function was not strictly legal, nor confined to
+the copying of processes: it had a broader and wider scope, and was
+exercised in a more congenial manner. In short, Mr Gills was a kind of
+provider for the establishment. His duties were to hunt out business;
+which he achieved to a miracle by frequenting every possible
+public-house, and wringing from them, amidst their cups, the stories of
+the wrongs of his compotators. Wo to the wight who sate down for an
+afternoon&#8217;s conviviality with Toddy Tam! Before the mixing of the fourth
+tumbler, the ingenious Gills was sure to elicit some hardship or
+grievance, for which benignant Themis could give redress; and rare,
+indeed, was the occurrence of the evening on which he did not capture
+some additional clients. He would even go the length of treating his
+victim, when inordinately shy, until the fatal mandate was given, and
+retraction utterly impossible.</p>
+
+<p>Such decided business talents, of course, were not overlooked by the
+sagacious Laurence Linklater. Gills enjoyed a large salary, the greater
+moiety of which he consumed in alcoholic experiments; and shortly before
+the decease of his patron, he was promoted to the lucrative and easy
+office of some county registrarship. He now began to cultivate
+conviviality for its own especial sake. It was no longer dangerous to
+drink with him; for though, from habit, he continued to poke into
+grievances, he <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span>never, on the following morning, pursued the subject
+further. But what was most remarkable about Toddy Tam was, his
+independence. He never truckled to dictation from any quarter; but,
+whilst Binkie and the rest were in fear and terror of the Clique, he
+openly defied that body, and dared them to do their worst. He was the
+only man in Dreepdaily who ventured to say that Tom Gritt was right in
+the motion he had made; and he further added, that if he, Thomas Gills,
+had been in the Town-Council, the worthy and patriotic baker should not
+have wanted a seconder. This was considered a very daring speech, and
+one likely to draw down the vengeance of the unrelenting junta: but the
+thunder slept in the cloud, and Mr Gills enjoyed himself as before.</p>
+
+<p>I found him in his back parlour, in company with a very rosy individual.
+Although it was not yet noon, a case-bottle and glasses were on the
+table, and the whole apartment stunk abominably with the fumes of
+whisky.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Sit in, Mr Dunshunner, sit in!&#8221; said Toddy Tam, in a tone of great
+cordiality, after I had effected my introduction. &#8220;Ye&#8217;ll no hae had your
+morning yet? Lass, bring in a clean glass for the gentleman.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I hope you will excuse me, Mr Gills. I really never do&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Hoots&mdash;nonsense! Ye maun be neighbour-like, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span>ye ken&mdash;we a&#8217; expect it at
+Dreepdaily.&#8221; And so saying, Toddy Tam poured me out a full glass of
+spirits. I had as lieve have swallowed ink, but I was forced to
+constrain myself and bolt it.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay, and so ye are coming round to us as a candidate, are ye? What d&#8217;ye
+think o&#8217; that, Mr Thamson&mdash;hae ye read Mr Dunshunner&#8217;s address?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The rubicund individual chuckled, leered, and rose to go, but Toddy Tam
+laid a heavy hand upon his shoulder.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Sit ye down man,&#8221; he said; &#8220;I&#8217;ve naething to say to Mr Dunshunner that
+the hail warld may not hear, nor him to me neither, I hope.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Certainly not,&#8221; said I; &#8220;and I really should feel it as a great
+obligation if Mr Thomson would be kind enough to remain.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That&#8217;s right, lad!&#8221; shouted Gills. &#8220;Nae hole-and-corner work for me! A&#8217;
+fair and abune board, and the deil fly away with the Clique!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Had Thomson been an ordinary man, he probably would have grown pale at
+this daring objurgation: as it was, he fidgetted in his chair, and his
+face became a shade more crimson.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Weel, now,&#8221; continued Toddy Tam, &#8220;let us hear what Mr Dunshunner has
+got to say for himsel&#8217;. There&#8217;s naething like hearing opinions before we
+put ony questions.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Thus adjured, I went through the whole of my political confession of
+faith, laying, of course, due <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span>stress upon the great and glorious
+Revolution of 1688, and my devotion to the cause of liberality. Toddy
+Tam and his companion heard me to the end without interruption.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Gude&mdash;sae far gude, Mr Dunshunner,&#8221; said Gills. &#8220;I see little to objeck
+to in your general principles; but for a&#8217; that I&#8217;m no going to pledge
+mysel&#8217; until I ken mair o&#8217; ye. I hope, sir, that ye&#8217;re using nae
+underhand influence&mdash;that there has been nae communings with the Clique,
+a body that I perfeckly abominate? Dreepdaily shall never be made a
+pocket burrow, so long as Thomas Gills has any influence in it.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I assured Mr Gills, what was the naked truth, that I had no knowledge
+whatever of the Clique.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ye see, Mr Dunshunner,&#8221; continued Toddy Tam, &#8220;we are a gey and
+independent sort of people here, and we want to be independently
+represented. My gude friend, Mr Thamson here, can tell you that I have
+had a sair fecht against secret influence, and I am amaist feared that
+some men like the Provost owe me a grudge for it. He&#8217;s a pawkie loon,
+the Provost, and kens brawly how to play his cards.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;He&#8217;s a&#8217; that!&#8221; ejaculated Thomson.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But I dinna care a snuff of tobacco for the haill of the Town-Council,
+or the Clique. Give me a man of perfeck independence, and I&#8217;ll support
+him. I voted for the last member sair against my conscience, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span>for he was
+put up by the Clique, and never came near us: but I hope better things
+frae you, Mr Dunshunner, if you should happen to be returned. Mind, I
+don&#8217;t say that I am going to support ye&mdash;I maun think about it: but if
+ye are a good man and a true, and no a nominee, I dare say that both my
+gude freend Thamson, and mysell, will no objeck to lend you a
+helping-hand.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This was all I could extract from Toddy Tam, and, though favourable, it
+was far from being satisfactory. There was a want, from some cause or
+another, of that cordial support which I had been led to anticipate; and
+I almost felt half inclined to abandon the enterprise altogether.
+However, after having issued my address, this would have looked like
+cowardice. I therefore diligently prosecuted my canvass, and contrived,
+in the course of the day, to encounter a great portion of the electors.
+Very few pledged themselves. Some surly independents refused
+point-blank, alleging that they did not intend to vote at all: others
+declined to promise, until they should know how Toddy Tam and other
+magnates were likely to go. My only pledges were from the sworn
+retainers of the Provost.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, Mr Dunshunner, what success?&#8221; cried Miss Margaret Binkie, as I
+returned rather jaded from my circuit. &#8220;I hope you have found all the
+Dreepdaily people quite favourable?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why no, Miss Binkie, not quite so much so as <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span>I could desire. Your
+townsmen here seem uncommonly slow in making up their minds to
+anything.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, that is always their way. I have heard Papa say that the same thing
+took place at last election, and that nobody declared for Mr Whistlerigg
+until the very evening before the nomination. So you see you must not
+lose heart.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;If my visit to Dreepdaily should have no other result, Miss Binkie, I
+shall always esteem it one of the most fortunate passages of my life,
+since it has given me the privilege of your acquaintance.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, Mr Dunshunner! How can you speak so? I am afraid you are a great
+flatterer!&#8221; replied Miss Binkie, pulling at the same time a sprig of
+geranium to pieces. &#8220;But you look tired&mdash;pray take a glass of wine.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;By no means, Miss Binkie. A word from you is a sufficient cordial.
+Happy geranium!&#8221; said I, picking up the petals.</p>
+
+<p>Now I know very well that all this sort of thing is wrong, and that a
+man has no business to begin flirtations if he cannot see his way to the
+end of them. At the same time, I hold the individual who dislikes
+flirtations to be a fool; and sometimes they are utterly irresistible.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Now, Mr Dunshunner, I do beg you won&#8217;t! Pray sit down on the sofa, for
+I am sure you are tired; and if you like to listen, I shall sing you a
+little ballad I have composed to-day.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;I would rather hear you sing than an angel,&#8221; said I; &#8220;but pray do not
+debar me the privilege of standing by your side.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Just as you please;&#8221; and Margaret began to rattle away on the
+harpsichord.</p>
+
+<div class="centerbox bbox"><p>&#8220;O whaur hae ye been, Augustus, my son?<br />
+O whaur hae ye been, my winsome young man?<br />
+I hae been to the voters&mdash;Mither, mak my bed soon,<br />
+For I&#8217;m weary wi&#8217; canvassing, and fain wad lay me doun.<br />
+<br />
+O whaur are your plumpers, Augustus, my son?<br />
+O whaur are your split votes, my winsome young man?<br />
+They are sold to the Clique&mdash;Mither, mak my bed soon,<br />
+For I&#8217;m weary wi&#8217; canvassing, and fain wad lay me doun.<br />
+<br />
+O I fear ye are cheated, Augustus, my son,<br />
+O I fear ye are done for, my winsome young man!<br />
+&#8216;I hae been to my true love&mdash;&mdash;&#8217;&#8221;</p></div>
+
+<p>I could stand this no longer.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Charming, cruel girl!&#8221; cried I, dropping on one knee,&mdash;&#8220;why will you
+thus sport with my feelings? Where else should I seek for my true love
+but here?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I don&#8217;t know what might have been the sequel of the scene, had not my
+good genius, in the shape of Mysie the servant girl, at this moment
+burst into the apartment. Miss Binkie with great presence of mind
+dropped her handkerchief, which afforded me an excellent excuse for
+recovering my erect position.</p>
+
+<p>Mysie was the bearer of a billet, addressed to myself, and marked
+&#8220;private and particular.&#8221; I opened it and read as follows:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span></p><div class="blockquot"><p>&#8220;<span class="smcap">Sir</span>&mdash;Some of those who are well disposed towards you have arranged
+to meet this night, and are desirous of a private interview, at
+which full and mutual explanations may be given. It may be right to
+mention to you that the question of <i>the currency</i> will form the
+basis of any political arrangement; and it is expected that you
+will then be prepared to state explicitly your views with regard to
+<i>bullion</i>. Something <i>more than pledges</i> upon this subject will be
+required.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;As this meeting will be a strictly private one, the utmost secresy
+must be observed. Be on the bridge at eleven o&#8217;clock this night,
+and you will be conducted to the appointed place. Do not fail, as
+you value your own interest.&mdash;Yours, &amp;c.</p>
+
+<p class="right"><span style="margin-right: 3em;">&#8220;<span class="smcap">Shell Out.</span>&#8221;</span></p></div>
+
+<p>&#8220;Who brought this letter, Mysie?&#8221; said I, considerably flustered at its
+contents.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;A laddie. He said there was nae answer, and ran awa&#8217;.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No bad news, I hope, Mr Dunshunner?&#8221; said Margaret timidly.</p>
+
+<p>I looked at Miss Binkie. Her eye was still sparkling, and her cheek
+flushed. She evidently was annoyed at the interruption, and expected a
+renewal of the conversation. But I felt that I had gone quite far
+enough, if not a little beyond the line of prudence. It is easy to make
+a declaration, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span>but remarkably difficult to back out of it; and I began
+to think that, upon the whole, I had been a little too precipitate. On
+the plea, therefore, of business, I emerged into the open air; and,
+during a walk of a couple of miles, held secret communing with myself.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Here you are again, Dunshunner, my fine fellow, putting your foot into
+it as usual! If it had not been for the arrival of the servant, you
+would have been an engaged man at this moment, and saddled with a
+father-in-law in the shape of a vender of molasses. Besides, it is my
+private opinion that you don&#8217;t care sixpence about the girl. But it is
+the old story. This is the third time since Christmas that you have been
+on the point of committing matrimony; and if you don&#8217;t look sharp after
+yourself, you will be sold an especial bargain! Now, frankly and fairly,
+do you not acknowledge yourself to be an idiot?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I did. Men are generally very candid and open in their confessions to
+themselves; and the glaring absurdity of my conduct was admitted without
+any hesitation. I resolved to mend my ways accordingly, and to eschew
+for the future all t&ecirc;te-&agrave;-t&ecirc;tes with the too fascinating Maggie Binkie.
+That point disposed of, I returned to the mysterious missive. To say the
+truth, I did not much like it. Had these been the days of Burking, I
+should have entertained some slight personal apprehension; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span>but as there
+was no such danger, I regarded it either as a hoax, or as some
+electioneering <i>ruse</i>, the purpose of which I could not fathom. However,
+as it is never wise to throw away any chance, I determined to keep the
+appointment; and, if a meeting really were held, to give the best
+explanations in my power to my correspondent, Mr Shell Out, and his
+friends. In this mood of mind I returned to the Provost&#8217;s dwelling.</p>
+
+<p>The dinner that day was not so joyous as before. Old Binkie questioned
+me very closely as to the result of my visits, and seemed chagrined that
+Toddy Tam had not been more definite in his promises of support.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ye maun hae Tam,&#8221; said the Provost. &#8220;He disna like the Clique&mdash;I hope
+naebody&#8217;s listening&mdash;nor the Clique him; but he stands weel wi&#8217; the
+Independents, and the Seceders will go wi&#8217; him to a man. We canna afford
+to lose Gills. I&#8217;ll send ower for him, and see if we canna talk him into
+reason. Haith, though, we&#8217;ll need mair whisky, for Tam requires an unco
+deal of slockening!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Tam, however, proved to be from home, and therefore the Provost and I
+were left to our accustomed duet. He complained grievously of my
+abstemiousness, which for divers reasons I thought it prudent to
+observe. An extra tumbler might again have made Miss Binkie a cherub in
+my eyes.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span></p><p>I am afraid that the young lady thought me a very changeable person.
+When the Provost fell asleep, she allowed the conversation to languish,
+until it reached that awful degree of pause which usually precedes the
+popping of the question. But this time I was on my guard, and held out
+with heroic stubbornness. I did not even launch out upon the subject of
+poetry, which Maggie rather cleverly introduced; for there is a decided
+affinity between the gay science and the tender passion, and it is
+difficult to preserve indifference when quoting from the &#8220;Loves of the
+Angels.&#8221; I thought it safer to try metaphysics. It is not easy to
+extract an amorous avowal, even by implication, from a discourse upon
+the theory of consciousness; and I flatter myself that Kant, if he could
+have heard me that evening, would have returned home with some novel
+lights upon the subject. Miss Binkie seemed to think that I might have
+selected a more congenial theme; for she presently exhibited symptoms of
+pettishness, took up a book, and applied herself diligently to the
+perusal of a popular treatise upon knitting.</p>
+
+<p>Shortly afterwards, the Provost awoke, and his daughter took occasion to
+retire. She held out her hand to me with rather a reproachful look, but,
+though sorely tempted, I did not indulge in a squeeze.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That&#8217;s a fine lassie&mdash;a very fine lassie!&#8221; remarked <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span>the Provost, as he
+severed a Welsh rabbit into twain. &#8220;Ye are no a family man yet, Mr
+Dunshunner, and ye maybe canna comprehend what a comfort she has been to
+me. I&#8217;m auld now, and a thocht failing; but it is a great relief to me
+to ken that, when I am in my grave, Maggie winna be tocherless. I&#8217;ve
+laid up a braw nest-egg for her ower at the bank yonder.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I of course coincided in the praise of Miss Binkie, but showed so little
+curiosity as to the contents of the indicated egg, that the Provost
+thought proper to enlighten me, and hinted at eight thousand pounds. It
+is my positive belief that the worthy man expected an immediate
+proposal: if so, he was pretty egregiously mistaken. I could not,
+however, afford, at this particular crisis, to offend him, and
+accordingly stuck to generals. As the hour of meeting was approaching, I
+thought it necessary to acquaint him with the message I had received, in
+order to account for my exit at so unseasonable a time.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It&#8217;s verra odd,&#8221; said the Provost,&mdash;&#8220;verra odd! A&#8217; Dreepdaily should be
+in their beds by this time, and I canna think there could be a meeting
+without me hearing of it. It&#8217;s just the reverse o&#8217; constitutional to
+keep folk trailing aboot the toun at this time o&#8217; nicht, and the brig is
+a queer place for a tryst.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You do not surely apprehend, Mr Binkie, that there is any danger?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;No just that, but you&#8217;ll no be the waur o&#8217; a stick. Ony gait, I&#8217;ll send
+to Saunders Caup, the toun-officer, to be on the look-out. If ony body
+offers to harm ye, be sure ye cry out, and Saunders will be up in a
+crack. He&#8217;s as stieve as steel, and an auld Waterloo man.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>As a considerable number of years has elapsed since the last great
+European conflict, I confess that my confidence in the capabilities of
+Mr Caup, as an ally, was inferior to my belief in his prowess. I
+therefore declined the proposal, but accepted the weapon; and, after a
+valedictory tumbler with my host, emerged into the darkened street.</p>
+
+<h3>CHAPTER IV.</h3>
+
+<p>Francis Osbaldistone, when he encountered the famous Rob Roy by night,
+was in all probability, notwithstanding Sir Walter&#8217;s assertion to the
+contrary, in a very tolerable state of trepidation. At least I know that
+I was, as I neared the bridge of Dreepdaily. It was a nasty night of
+wind and rain, and not a soul was stirring in the street&mdash;the surface of
+which did little credit to the industry of the paving department,
+judging from the number of dubs in which I found involuntary
+accommodation. As I floundered along through the mire, I breathed
+anything but benedictions on the mysterious Shell <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span>Out, who was the
+cause of my midnight wandering.</p>
+
+<p>Just as I reached the bridge, beneath which the river was roaring rather
+uncomfortably, a ragged-looking figure started out from an entry. A
+solitary lamp, suspended from above, gave me a full view of this
+personage, who resembled an animated scarecrow.</p>
+
+<p>He stared me full in the face, and then muttered, with a wink and a
+leer,&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Was ye seekin&#8217; for ony body the nicht? Eh wow, man, but it&#8217;s cauld!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Who may you be, my friend?&#8221; said I, edging off from my unpromising
+acquaintance.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Wha may I be?&#8221; replied the other: &#8220;that&#8217;s a gude ane! Gosh, d&#8217;ye no ken
+me? Au&#8217;m Geordie Dowie, the town bauldy, that&#8217;s as weel kent as the
+Provost hissell!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>To say the truth, Geordie was a very truculent-looking character to be
+an innocent. However, imbeciles of this description are usually
+harmless.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And what have you got to say to me, Geordie?&#8221;</p>
+
+<div class="centerbox3 bbox"><p>&#8220;If ye&#8217;re the man I think ye are,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And ye&#8217;re name begins wi&#8217; a D,</span><br />
+Just tak ye tae yer soople shanks,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And tramp alang wi&#8217; me,&#8221;</span></p></div>
+
+<p>quavered the idiot, who, like many others, had a natural turn for
+poetry.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;And where are we going to, Geordie, my man?&#8221; said I in a soothing
+voice.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ye&#8217;ll find that when we get there,&#8221; replied the bauldy.</p>
+
+<div class="centerbox3 bbox"><p>&#8220;Hey the bonnie gill-stoup!<br />
+Ho the bonnie gill-stoup!<br />
+Gie me walth o&#8217; barley bree,<br />
+And leeze me on the gill-stoup!&#8221;</p></div>
+
+<p>&#8220;But you can at least tell me who sent you here, Geordie?&#8221; said I,
+anxious for further information before intrusting myself to such erratic
+guidance.</p>
+
+<p>He of the gill-stoups lifted up his voice and sang&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="centerbox3 bbox"><p>&#8220;Cam&#8217; ye by Tweedside,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Or cam&#8217; ye by Flodden?</span><br />
+Met ye the deil<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">On the braes o&#8217; Culloden?</span><br />
+<br />
+&#8220;Three imps o&#8217; darkness<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">I saw in a neuk,</span><br />
+Riving the red-coats,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And roasting the Deuk.</span><br />
+<br />
+&#8220;Quo&#8217; ane o&#8217; them&mdash;&#8216;Geordie,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Gae down to the brig,</span><br />
+I&#8217;m yaup for my supper,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And fetch us a Whig.&#8217;</span></p></div>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ha! ha! ha! Hoo d&#8217;ye like that, my man? Queer freends ye&#8217;ve gotten noo,
+and ye&#8217;ll need a lang spoon to sup kail wi&#8217; them. But come awa&#8217;. I canna
+stand here the haill nicht listening to your havers.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Although the hint conveyed by Mr Dowie&#8217;s <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span>ingenious verses was rather of
+an alarming nature, I made up my mind at once to run all risks and
+follow him. Geordie strode on, selecting apparently the most
+unfrequented lanes, and making, as I anxiously observed, for a remote
+part of the suburbs. Nor was his voice silent during our progress, for
+he kept regaling me with a series of snatches, which, being for the most
+part of a supernatural and diabolical tendency, did not much contribute
+towards the restoration of my equanimity. At length he paused before a
+small house, the access to which was by a downward flight of steps.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay&mdash;this is the place!&#8221; he muttered. &#8220;I ken it weel. It&#8217;s no just bad
+the whusky that they sell, but they needna put sae muckle water
+intil&#8217;t.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>So saying, he descended the stair. I followed. There was no light in the
+passage, but the idiot went forward, stumbling and groping in the dark.
+I saw a bright ray streaming through a crevice, and three distinct
+knocks were given.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Come in, whaever ye are!&#8221; said a bluff voice: and I entered a low
+apartment, in which the candles looked yellow through a fog of
+tobacco-smoke. Three men were seated at a deal table, covered with the
+implements of national conviviality; and to my intense astonishment none
+of the three were strangers to me. I at once recognised the features of
+the taciturn M&#8217;Auslan, the wary Shanks, and the independent Mr Thomas
+Gills.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;There&#8217;s the man ye wanted,&#8221; said Geordie Dowie, slapping me familiarly
+on the shoulder.&mdash;&#8220;Whaur&#8217;s the dram ye promised me?</p>
+
+<div class="centerbox3 bbox"><p>&#8220;In Campbelltown my luve was born,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Her mither in Glen Turrit!</span><br />
+But Ferintosh is the place for me,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">For that&#8217;s the strangest speerit!&#8221;</span></p></div>
+
+<p>&#8220;Haud yer clavering tongue, ye common village!&#8221; said Toddy Tam. &#8220;Wad ye
+bring in the neebourhood on us? M&#8217;Auslan, gie the body his dram, and
+then see him out of the door. We manna be interfered wi&#8217; in our cracks.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>M&#8217;Auslan obeyed. A large glass of alcohol was given to my guide, who
+swallowed it with a sigh of pleasure.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Eh, man! that&#8217;s gude and strang! It&#8217;s no ilka whusky that&#8217;ll mak
+Geordie Dowie pech. Fair fa&#8217; yer face, my bonny M&#8217;Auslan! could you no
+just gi&#8217;e us anither?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Pit him out!&#8221; said the remorseless Gills. &#8220;It&#8217;s just extraordinar how
+fond the creature is o&#8217; drink!&#8221; and Geordie was forcibly ejected, after
+an ineffectual clutch at the bottle.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Sit ye down, Mr Dunshunner,&#8221; said Toddy Tam, addressing himself to me;
+&#8220;sit ye down, and mix yoursel&#8217; a tumbler. I daresay now ye was a little
+surprised at the note ye got this morning, eh?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Why, certainly, Mr Gills, I did not anticipate the pleasure&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay, I kenned ye wad wonder at it. But ilka place has its ain way o&#8217;
+doing business, and this is ours&mdash;quiet and cozy, ye see. I&#8217;se warrant,
+too, ye thocht M&#8217;Auslan a queer ane because he wadna speak out?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I laughed dubiously towards M&#8217;Auslan, who responded with the austerest
+of possible grins.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And Shanks, too,&#8221; continued Toddy Tam; &#8220;Shanks wadna speak out neither.
+They&#8217;re auld-farrant hands baith o&#8217; them, Mr Dunshunner, and they didna
+like to promise ony thing without me. We three aye gang thegither.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I hope, then, Mr Gills, that I may calculate upon your support and that
+of your friends. My views upon the currency&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay! that&#8217;s speaking out at ance. Hoo muckle?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay! hoo muckle?&#8221; interposed M&#8217;Auslan, with a glistening eye.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I really do not understand you, gentlemen.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Troth, then, ye&#8217;re slow at the uptak,&#8221; remarked Gills, after a meaning
+pause. &#8220;I see we maun be clear and conceese. Hark ye, Mr
+Dunshunner,&mdash;wha do ye think we are?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Three most respectable gentlemen, for whom I have the highest possible
+regard.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Hoots!&mdash;nonsense! D&#8217;ye no ken?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No,&#8221; was my puzzled response.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Weel, then,&#8221; said Toddy Tam, advancing his lips to my ear, and pouring
+forth an alcoholic whisper&mdash;&#8220;we three can do mair than ye think o&#8217;&mdash;It&#8217;s
+huz that is <span class="smcap">the Clique</span>!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I recoiled in perfect amazement, and gazed in succession upon the
+countenances of the three compatriots. Yes&mdash;there could be no doubt
+about it&mdash;I was in the presence of the tremendous junta of Dreepdaily;
+the veil of Isis had been lifted up, and the principal figure upon the
+pedestal was the magnanimous and independent Gills. Always a worshipper
+of genius, I began to entertain a feeling little short of veneration
+towards Toddy Tam. The admirable manner in which he had contrived to
+conceal his real power from the public&mdash;his assumed indignation and
+horror of the Clique&mdash;and his hold over all classes of the electors,
+demonstrated him at once to be a consummate master of the political art.
+Machiavelli could not have devised a subtler stratagem than Gills.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That&#8217;s just the plain truth o&#8217; the matter,&#8221; observed Shanks, who had
+hitherto remained silent. &#8220;We three is the Clique, and we hae the
+representation o&#8217; the burrow in our hands. Now, to speak to the point,
+if we put our names down on your Committee, you carry the election, and
+we&#8217;re ready to come to an understanding upon fair and liberal grounds.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>And we did come to an understanding upon <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span>grounds which might be justly
+characterised as fair on the one side, and certainly liberal on the
+other. There was of course some little discussion as to the lengths I
+was expected to go in financial matters; and it was even hinted that,
+with regard to bullion, the Honourable Mr Pozzlethwaite might possibly
+entertain as enlarged views as myself. However, we fortunately succeeded
+in adjusting all our differences. I not only promised to give the weight
+of my name to a bill, but exhibited, upon the spot, a draft which met
+with the cordial approbation of my friends, and which indeed was so
+satisfactory that they did not offer to return it.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That&#8217;s a&#8217; right then,&#8221; said Toddy Tam, inserting the last-mentioned
+document in a greasy pocket-book. &#8220;Our names go down on your Committy,
+and the election is as gude as won!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>An eldritch laugh at a little window, which communicated with the
+street, at this moment electrified the speaker. There was a glimpse of a
+human face seen through the dingy pane.</p>
+
+<p>A loud oath burst from the lips of Toddy Thomas.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Some deevil has been watching us!&#8221; he cried. &#8220;Rin, M&#8217;Auslan, rin for
+your life, and grip him afore he can turn the corner! I wad not for a
+thousand pund that this nicht&#8217;s wark were to get wind!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>M&#8217;Auslan rushed, as desired; but all his efforts were ineffectual. The
+fugitive, whoever he was, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span>had very prudently dived into the darkness,
+and the draper returned without his victim.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What is to be done?&#8221; said I. &#8220;It strikes me, gentlemen, that this may
+turn out to be a very unpleasant business.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Nae fears&mdash;nae fears!&#8221; said Toddy Tam, looking, however, the reverse of
+comfortable. &#8220;It will hae been some callant trying to fley us, that&#8217;s
+a&#8217;. But, mind ye&mdash;no a word o&#8217; this to ony living human being, and aboon
+a&#8217; to Provost Binkie. I&#8217;ve keepit him for four years in the dark, and it
+never wad do to show the cat the road to the kirn!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I acquiesced in the precautionary arrangement, and we parted; Toddy Tam
+and his friends having, by this time, disposed of all the surplus fluid.
+It was very late before I reached the Provost&#8217;s dwelling.</p>
+
+<p>I suppose that next morning I had overslept myself; for, when I awoke, I
+heard Miss Binkie in full operation at the piano. This time, however,
+she was not singing alone, for a male voice was audible in conjunction
+with hers.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It would be an amazing consolation to me if somebody would carry off
+that girl!&#8221; thought I, as I proceeded with my toilet. &#8220;I made a deuced
+fool of myself to her yesterday; and, to say the truth, I don&#8217;t very
+well know how to look her in the face!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>However, there was no help for it, so I proceeded <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span>down-stairs. The
+first individual I recognised in the breakfast parlour was M&#8217;Corkindale.
+He was engaged in singing, along with Miss Binkie, some idiotical catch
+about a couple of albino mice.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Bob!&#8221; cried I, &#8220;my dear Bob, I am delighted to see you;&mdash;what on earth
+has brought you here?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;A gig and a foundered mare,&#8221; replied the matter-of-fact M&#8217;Corkindale.
+&#8220;The fact is, that I was anxious to hear about your canvass; and, as
+there was nothing to do in Glasgow&mdash;by the way, Dunshunner, the banks
+have put on the screw again&mdash;I resolved to satisfy my own curiosity in
+person. I arrived this morning, and Miss Binkie has been kind enough to
+ask me to stay breakfast.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am sure both papa and I are always happy to see Mr M&#8217;Corkindale,&#8221;
+said Margaret impressively.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am afraid,&#8221; said I, &#8220;that I have interrupted your music: I did not
+know, M&#8217;Corkindale, that you were so eminent a performer.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I hold with Aristotle,&#8221; replied Bob modestly, &#8220;that music and political
+economy are at the head of all the sciences. But it is very seldom that
+one can meet with so accomplished a partner as Miss Binkie.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, ho,&#8221; thought I. But here the entrance of the Provost diverted the
+conversation, and we all sat down to breakfast. Old Binkie was evidently
+dying to know the result of my interview on the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span>previous evening, but I
+was determined to keep him in the dark. Bob fed like an ogre, and made
+prodigious efforts to be polite.</p>
+
+<p>After breakfast, on the pretext of business we went out for a walk. The
+economist lighted his cigar.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Snug quarters these, Dunshunner, at the Provost&#8217;s.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Very. But, Bob, things are looking rather well here. I had a
+negotiation last night which has as good as settled the business.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am very glad to hear it.&mdash;Nice girl, Miss Binkie; very pretty eyes,
+and a good foot and ankle.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;An unexceptionable instep. What do you think!&mdash;I have actually
+discovered the Clique at last.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You don&#8217;t say so! Do you think old Binkie has saved money?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am sure he has. I look upon Dreepdaily as pretty safe now; and I
+propose going over this afternoon to Drouthielaw. What would you
+recommend?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I think you are quite right; but somebody should stay here to look
+after your interests. There is no depending upon these fellows. I&#8217;ll
+tell you what&mdash;while you are at Drouthielaw I shall remain here, and
+occupy your quarters. The Committee will require some man of business to
+drill them in, and I don&#8217;t care if I spare you the time.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span></p><p>I highly applauded this generous resolution; at the same time I was not
+altogether blind to the motive. Bob, though an excellent fellow in the
+main, did not usually sacrifice himself to his friends, and I began to
+suspect that Maggie Binkie&mdash;with whom, by the way, he had some previous
+acquaintance&mdash;was somehow or other connected with his enthusiasm. As
+matters stood, I of course entertained no objection: on the contrary, I
+thought it no breach of confidence to repeat the history of the
+nest-egg.</p>
+
+<p>Bob pricked up his ears.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Indeed!&#8221; said he; &#8220;that is a fair figure as times go; and to judge from
+appearances, the stock in trade must be valuable.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Cargoes of sugar,&#8221; said I, &#8220;oceans of rum, and no end whatever of
+molasses!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;A very creditable chairman, indeed, for your Committee, Dunshunner,&#8221;
+replied Bob. &#8220;Then I presume you agree that I should stay here, whilst
+you prosecute your canvass?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I assented, and we returned to the house. In the course of the forenoon
+the list of my Committee was published, and, to the great joy of the
+Provost, the names of Thomas Gill, Alexander M&#8217;Auslan, and Simon Shanks
+appeared. He could not, for the life of him, understand how they had all
+come forward so readily. A meeting of my friends was afterwards held, at
+which I delivered a short harangue <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span>upon the constitution of 1688, which
+seemed to give general satisfaction; and before I left the room, I had
+the pleasure of seeing the Committee organised, with Bob officiating as
+secretary. It was the opinion of every one that Pozzlethwaite had not a
+chance. I then partook of a light luncheon, and after bidding farewell
+to Miss Binkie, who, on the whole, seemed to take matters very coolly, I
+drove off for Drouthielaw. I need not relate my adventures in that
+respectable burgh. They were devoid of anything like interest, and not
+quite so satisfactory in their result as I could have wished. However,
+the name of Gills was known even at that distance, and his views had
+considerable weight with some of the religious denominations. So far as
+I was concerned, I had no sinecure of it. It cost me three nights&#8217; hard
+drinking to conciliate the leaders of the Anabaptists, and at least
+three more before the chiefs of the Antinomians would surrender. As to
+the Old Light gentry, I gave them up in despair, for I could not hope to
+have survived the consequences of so serious a conflict.</p>
+
+<h3>CHAPTER V.</h3>
+
+<p>Parliament was at length dissolved; the new writs were issued, and the
+day of nomination fixed for the Dreepdaily burghs. For a time it
+appeared <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span>to myself, and indeed to almost every one else, that my return
+was perfectly secure. Provost Binkie was in great glory, and the faces
+of the unknown Clique were positively radiant with satisfaction. But a
+storm was brewing in another quarter, upon which we had not previously
+calculated.</p>
+
+<p>The Honourable Mr Pozzlethwaite, my opponent, had fixed his headquarters
+in Drouthielaw, and to all appearance was making very little progress in
+Dreepdaily. Indeed, in no sense of the word could Pozzlethwaite be said
+to be popular. He was a middle-aged man, as blind as a bat, and, in
+order to cure the defect, he ornamented his visage with an immense pair
+of green spectacles, which, it may be easily conceived, did not add to
+the beauty of his appearance. In speech he was slow and verbose, in
+manner awkward, in matter almost wholly unintelligible. He professed
+principles which he said were precisely the same as those advocated by
+the late Jeremy Bentham; and certainly, if he was correct in this, I do
+not regret that my parents omitted to bring me up at the feet of the
+utilitarian Gamaliel. In short, Paul was prosy to a degree, had not an
+atom of animation in his whole composition, and could no more have
+carried a crowd along with him than he could have supported Atlas upon
+his shoulders. A portion, however, of philosophic weavers, and a certain
+section of the Seceders, had declared in his favour; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span>and, moreover, it
+was just possible that he might gain the suffrages of some of the
+Conservatives. Kittleweem, the Tory burgh, had hitherto preserved the
+appearance of strict neutrality. I had attempted to address the electors
+of that place, but I found that the hatred of Dreepdaily and of its
+Clique was more powerful than my eloquence; and, somehow or other, the
+benighted savages did not comprehend the merits of the Revolution
+Settlement of 1688, and were as violently national as the Celtic race
+before the invention of trews. Kittleweem had equipped half a regiment
+for Prince Charles in the Forty-five, and still piqued itself on its
+stanch Episcopacy. A Whig, therefore, could hardly expect to be popular
+in such a den of prejudice. By the advice of M&#8217;Corkindale, I abstained
+from any further efforts, which might possibly have tended to exasperate
+the electors, and left Kittleweem to itself, in the hope that it would
+maintain an armed neutrality.</p>
+
+<p>And so it probably might have done, but for an unexpected occurrence.
+Two days before the nomination, a new candidate appeared on the field.
+Sholto Douglas was the representative of one of the oldest branches of
+his distinguished name, and the race to which he more immediately
+belonged had ever been foremost in the ranks of Scottish chivalry and
+patriotism. In fact, no family had suffered more from their attachment
+to the cause of legitimacy <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span>than the Douglases of Inveriachan.
+Forfeiture after forfeiture had cut down their broad lands to a narrow
+estate, and but for an unexpected Indian legacy, the present heir would
+have been marching as a subaltern in a foot regiment. But a large
+importation of rupees had infused new life and spirit into the bosom of
+Sholto Douglas. Young, eager, and enthusiastic, he determined to rescue
+himself from obscurity; and the present state of the Dreepdaily burghs
+appeared to offer a most tempting opportunity. Douglas was, of course,
+Conservative to the backbone; but, more than that, he openly proclaimed
+himself a friend of the people, and a supporter of the rights of labour.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Confound the fellow!&#8221; said Bob M&#8217;Corkindale to me, the morning after
+Sholto&#8217;s address had been placarded through the burghs, &#8220;who would have
+thought of an attack of this kind from such a quarter? Have you seen his
+manifesto, Dunshunner?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes&mdash;here it is in the <i>Patriot</i>. The editor, however, gives him it
+soundly in the leading article. I like his dogmatic style and wholesale
+denunciation of the Tories.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I&#8217;ll tell you what it is, though&mdash;I look upon this as anything but a
+joke. Douglas is evidently not a man to stand upon old aristocratic
+pretensions. He has got the right sow by the ear this time, and, had he
+started a little earlier, might have roused the national spirit to a
+very unpleasant <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span>pitch. You observe what he says about Scotland, the
+neglect of her local interests, and the manner in which she has been
+treated, with reference to Ireland?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I do. And you will be pleased to recollect that but for yourself,
+something of the same kind would have appeared in my address.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;If you mean that as a reproach, Dunshunner, you are wrong. How was it
+possible to have started you as a Whig upon patriotic principles?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well&mdash;that&#8217;s true enough. At the same time, I cannot help wishing that
+we had said a word or two about the interests to the north of the
+Tweed.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What is done cannot be undone. We must now stick by the Revolution
+settlement.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Do you know, Bob, I think we have given them quite enough of that same
+settlement already. Those fellows at Kittleweem laughed in my face the
+last time that I talked about it, and I am rather afraid that it won&#8217;t
+go down on the hustings.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Try the sanitary condition of the towns, then, and universal
+conciliation to Ireland,&#8221; replied the Economist. &#8220;I have given orders to
+hire two hundred Paddies, who have come over for the harvest, at a
+shilling a-head, and of course you may depend upon their voices, and
+also their shillelahs, if needful. I think we should have a row. It
+would be a great matter to make Douglas unpopular; and, with <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span>a movement
+of my little finger, I could turn out a whole legion of navigators.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No, Bob, you had better not. It is just possible they might make a
+mistake, and shy brickbats at the wrong candidate. It will be safer, I
+think, to leave the mob to itself: at the same time, we shall not be the
+worse for the Tipperary demonstration. And how looks the canvass?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Tolerably well, but not perfectly secure. The Clique has done its very
+best, but at the same time there is undeniably a growing feeling against
+it. Many people grumble about its dominion, and are fools enough to say
+that they have a right to think for themselves.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Could you not circulate a report that Pozzlethwaite is the man of the
+Clique?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The idea is ingenious, but I fear it would hardly work. Dreepdaily is
+well known to be the headquarters of the confederation, and the name of
+Provost Binkie is inseparably connected with it.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;By the way, M&#8217;Corkindale, it struck me that you looked rather sweet
+upon Miss Binkie last evening.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I did. In fact I popped the question,&#8221; replied Robert calmly.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Indeed! Were you accepted?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Conditionally. If we gain the election, she becomes Mrs
+M&#8217;Corkindale&mdash;if we lose, I suppose I <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span>shall have to return to Glasgow
+in a state of celibacy.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;A curious contract, certainly! Well, Bob, since your success is
+involved in mine, we must fight a desperate battle.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I wish, though, that Mr Sholto Douglas had been kind enough to keep out
+of the way,&#8221; observed M&#8217;Corkindale.</p>
+
+<p>The morning of the day appointed for the nomination dawned upon the
+people of Dreepdaily with more than usual splendour. For once, there was
+no mist upon the surrounding hills, and the sky was clear as sapphire. I
+rose early to study my speech, which had received the finishing touches
+from M&#8217;Corkindale on the evening before; and I flatter myself it was as
+pretty a piece of Whig rhetoric as ever was spouted from a hustings.
+Toddy Tam, indeed, had objected, upon seeing a draft, that &#8220;there was
+nae banes intil&#8217;t;&#8221; but the political economist was considered by the
+Committee a superior authority on such subjects to Gills. After having
+carefully conned it over, I went down-stairs, where the whole party were
+already assembled. A large blue and yellow flag, with the inscription,
+&#8220;<span class="smcap">Dunshunner and the Good Cause!</span>&#8221; was hung out from the window, to the
+intense delight of a gang of urchins, who testified to the popularity of
+the candidate by ceaseless vociferation to &#8220;pour out.&#8221; The wall
+opposite, however, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span>bore some memoranda of an opposite tendency, for I
+could see some large placards, newly pasted up, on which the words,
+&#8220;<span class="smcap">Electors of Dreepdaily! you are sold by the Clique!</span>&#8221; were conspicuous
+in enormous capitals. I heard, too, something like a ballad chanted, in
+which my name seemed to be coupled, irreverently, with that of the
+independent Gills.</p>
+
+<p>Provost Binkie&mdash;who, in common with the rest of the company, wore upon
+his bosom an enormous blue and buff cockade, prepared by the fair hands
+of his daughter&mdash;saluted me with great cordiality. I ought to observe
+that the Provost had been kept as much as possible in the dark regarding
+the actual results of the canvass. He was to propose me, and it was
+thought that his nerves would be more steady if he came forward under
+the positive conviction of success.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;This is a great day, Mr Dunshunner&mdash;a grand day for Dreepdaily,&#8221; he
+said. &#8220;A day, if I may sae speak, o&#8217; triumph and rejoicing! The news o&#8217;
+this will run frae one end o&#8217; the land to the ither&mdash;for the een o&#8217; a&#8217;
+Scotland is fixed on Dreepdaily, and the stench auld Whig principles is
+sure to prevail, even like a mighty river that rins down in spate to the
+sea!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I justly concluded that this figure of speech formed part of the address
+to the electors which for the two last days had been simmering in the
+brain of the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span>worthy magistrate, along with the fumes of the potations
+he had imbibed, as incentives to the extraordinary effort. Of course I
+took care to appear to participate in his enthusiasm. My mind, however,
+was very far from being thoroughly at ease.</p>
+
+<p>As twelve o&#8217;clock, which was the hour of nomination, drew near, there
+was a great muster at my committee-room. The band of the Independent
+Tee-totallers, who to a man were in my interest, was in attendance. They
+had been well primed with ginger cordial, and were obstreperous to a
+gratifying degree.</p>
+
+<p>Toddy Tam came up to me with a face of the colour of carnation.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I think it richt to tell ye, Mr Dunshunner, that there will be a bit o&#8217;
+a bleeze ower yonder at the hustings. The Kittleweem folk hae come
+through in squads, and Lord Hartside&#8217;s tenantry have marched in a body,
+wi&#8217; Sholto Douglas&#8217;s colours flying.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And the Drouthielaw fellows&mdash;what has become of them?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Od, they&#8217;re no wi&#8217; us either&mdash;they&#8217;re just savage at the Clique!
+Gudesake, Mr Dunshunner, tak care, and dinna say a word aboot huz. I
+intend mysell to denounce the body, and may be that will do us gude.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I highly approved of Mr Gills&#8217; determination, and as the time had now
+come, we formed in column, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span>and marched towards the hustings with the
+tee-total band in front, playing a very lugubrious imitation of
+&#8220;Glorious Apollo.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The other candidates had already taken their places. The moment I was
+visible to the audience, I was assailed by a volley of yells, among
+which, cries of &#8220;Doun wi&#8217; the Clique!&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Wha bought them?&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Nae
+nominee!&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;We&#8217;ve had eneuch o&#8217; the Whigs!&#8221; et cetera, were distinctly
+audible. This was not at all the kind of reception I had bargained
+for;&mdash;however, there was nothing for it but to put on a smiling face,
+and I reciprocated courtesies as well as I could with both of my
+honourable opponents.</p>
+
+<p>During the reading of the writ and the Bribery Act, there was a deal of
+joking, which I presume was intended to be good-humoured. At the same
+time there could be no doubt that it was distinctly personal. I heard my
+name associated with epithets of anything but an endearing description,
+and, to say the truth, if choice had been granted, I would far rather
+have been at Jericho than in the front of the hustings at Dreepdaily. A
+man must be, indeed, intrepid, and conscious of a good cause, who can
+oppose himself without blenching to the objurgation of an excited mob.</p>
+
+<p>The Honourable Paul Pozzlethwaite, on account of his having been the
+earliest candidate in the field, was first proposed by a town-councillor
+of Drouthielaw. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span>This part of the ceremony appeared to excite but little
+interest, the hooting and cheering being pretty equally distributed.</p>
+
+<p>It was now our turn.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Gang forrard, Provost, and be sure ye speak oot!&#8221; said Toddy Tam; and
+Mr Binkie advanced accordingly.</p>
+
+<p>Thereupon such a row commenced as I never had witnessed before. Yelling
+is a faint word to express the sounds of that storm of extraordinary
+wrath which descended upon the head of the devoted Provost. &#8220;Clique!
+Clique!&#8221; resounded on every side, and myriads of eyes, ferocious as
+those of the wildcat, were bent scowlingly on my worthy proposer. In
+vain did he gesticulate&mdash;in vain implore. The voice of Demosthenes&mdash;nay,
+the deep bass of Stentor himself&mdash;could not have been heard amidst that
+infernal uproar; so that, after working his arms for a time like the
+limbs of a telegraph, and exerting himself until he became absolutely
+swart in the face, Binkie was fain to give it up, and retired amidst a
+whirlwind of abuse.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;May the deil fly awa&#8217; wi&#8217; the hail pack o&#8217; them!&#8221; said he, almost
+blubbering with excitement and indignation. &#8220;Wha wad ever hae thocht to
+have seen the like o&#8217; this? and huz, too, that gied them the Reform
+Bill! Try your hand at them, Tam, for my heart&#8217;s amaist broken!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The bluff independent character of Mr Gills, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span>and his reputed purity
+from all taint of the Clique, operated considerably in his favour. He
+advanced amidst general cheering, and cries of &#8220;Noo for Toddy Tam!&#8221;
+&#8220;Let&#8217;s hear Mr Gills!&#8221; and the like; and as he tossed his hat aside and
+clenched his brawny fist, he really looked the incarnation of a sturdy
+and independent elector. His style, too, was decidedly popular&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Listen tae me!&#8221; he said, &#8220;and let the brawlin&#8217;, braggin&#8217;, bletherin&#8217;
+idiwits frae Drouthielaw haud their lang clavering tongues, and no keep
+rowtin&#8217; like a herd o&#8217; senseless nowte! (Great cheering from Dreepdaily
+and Kittleweem&mdash;considerable disapprobation from Drouthielaw.) I ken
+them weel, the auld haverils! (cheers.) But you, my freends, that I have
+dwalt wi&#8217; for twenty years, is it possible that ye can believe for one
+moment that I wad submit to be dictated to by a Clique? (Cries of &#8220;No!
+no!&#8221; &#8220;It&#8217;s no you, Tam!&#8221; and confusion.) No me? I dinna thank ye for
+that! Wull ony man daur to say to my face, that I ever colleagued wi&#8217; a
+pack that wad buy and sell the haill of us as readily as ye can deal wi&#8217;
+sheep&#8217;s-heads in the public market? (Laughter.) Div ye think that if Mr
+Dunshunner was ony way mixed up wi&#8217; that gang, I wad be here this day
+tae second him? Div ye think&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Here Mr Gills met with a singular interruption. A remarkable figure
+attired in a red coat and cocked-hat, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span>at one time probably the property
+of a civic officer, and who had been observed for some time bobbing
+about in front of the hustings, was now elevated upon the shoulders of a
+yeoman, and displayed to the delighted spectators the features of
+Geordie Dowie.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay, Toddy Tam, are ye there, man?&#8221; cried Geordie with a malignant grin.
+&#8220;What was you and the Clique doin&#8217; at Nanse Finlayson&#8217;s on Friday
+nicht?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What was it, Geordie? What was it?&#8221; cried a hundred voices.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Am I to be interrupted by a natural?&#8221; cried Gills, looking, however,
+considerably flushed in the face.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What hae ye dune wi&#8217; the notes, Tam, that the lang chield up by there
+gied ye? And whaur&#8217;s your freends, Shanks and M&#8217;Auslan? See that ye
+steek close the window neist time, ma man!&#8221; cried Geordie with demoniac
+ferocity.</p>
+
+<p>This was quite enough for the mob, who seldom require any excuse for a
+display of their hereditary privileges. A perfect hurricane of hissing
+and of yelling arose, and Gills, though he fought like a hero, was at
+last forced to retire from the contest. Had Geordie Dowie&#8217;s windpipe
+been within his grasp at that moment, I would not have insured for any
+amount the life of the perfidious spy.</p>
+
+<p>Sholto Douglas was proposed and seconded amidst <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span>great cheering, and
+then Pozzlethwaite rose to speak. I do not very well recollect what he
+said, for I had quite enough to do in thinking about myself; and the
+Honourable Paul would have conferred a material obligation upon me, if
+he had talked for an hour longer. At length my turn came.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Electors of Dreepdaily!&#8221;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>That was the whole of my speech&mdash;at least the whole of it that was
+audible to any one human being. Humboldt, if I recollect right, talks in
+one of his travels of having somewhere encountered a mountain composed
+of millions of entangled snakes, whose hissing might have equalled that
+of the transformed legions of Pandemonium. I wish Humboldt, for the sake
+of scientific comparison, could have been upon the hustings that day!
+Certain I am, that the sibilation did not leave my ears for a fortnight
+afterwards, and even now, in my slumbers, I am haunted by a wilderness
+of asps! However, at the urgent entreaty of M&#8217;Corkindale, I went on for
+about ten minutes, though I was quivering in every limb, and as pale as
+a ghost; and in order that the public might not lose the benefit of my
+sentiments, I concluded by handing a copy of my speech, interlarded with
+fictitious cheers, to the reporter for the <i>Dreepdaily Patriot</i>. That
+document may still be seen by the curious in the columns of that
+impartial newspaper.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span></p><p>I will state this for Sholto Douglas, that he behaved like a perfect
+gentleman. There was in his speech no triumph over the discomfiture
+which the other candidates had received; on the contrary, he rather
+rebuked the audience for not having listened to us with greater
+patience. He then went on with his oration. I need hardly say it was a
+national one, and it was most enthusiastically cheered.</p>
+
+<p>All that I need mention about the show of hands is, that it was not by
+any means hollow in my favour.</p>
+
+<p>That afternoon we were not quite so lively in the Committee-room as
+usual. The serenity of Messrs Gills, M&#8217;Auslan, and Shanks,&mdash;and,
+perhaps, I may add of myself&mdash;was a good deal shaken by the intelligence
+that a broadside with the tempting title of &#8220;<i>Full and Particular
+Account of an Interview between the Clique and Mr Dunshunner, held at
+Nanse Finlayson&#8217;s Tavern, on Friday last, and how they came to terms. By
+an Eyewitness</i>,&#8221; was circulating like wildfire through the streets. To
+have been beaten by a Douglas was nothing, but to have been so artfully
+entrapped by an imbecile!</p>
+
+<p>Provost Binkie, too, was dull and dissatisfied. The reception he had met
+with in his native town was no doubt a severe mortification, but the
+feeling that he had been used as a catspaw and instrument of the Clique,
+was, I suspected, uppermost in his mind. Poor man! We had great
+difficulty that evening in bringing him to his sixth tumbler.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span></p><p>Even M&#8217;Corkindale was hipped. I own I was surprised at this, for I knew
+of old the indefatigable spirit and keen energy of my friend, and I
+thought that, with such a stake as he had in the contest, he would even
+have redoubled his exertions. Such, however, was not the case.</p>
+
+<p>I pass over the proceedings at the poll. From a very early hour it
+became perfectly evident that my chance was utterly gone; and, indeed,
+had it been possible, I should have left Dreepdaily before the close. At
+four o&#8217;clock the numbers stood thus:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="centered">
+<table border="0" width="70%" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="1" summary="Election Results">
+
+<tr><td>&#160;</td>
+<td align="center"><small>DREEPDAILY.</small></td>
+<td align="center"><small>DROUTHIELAW.</small></td>
+<td align="center"><small>KITTLEWEEM.</small></td></tr>
+
+<tr><td><span class="smcap">Douglas</span>,</td>
+<td align="center">94</td>
+<td align="center">63</td>
+<td align="center">192</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td><span class="smcap">Pozzlethwaite</span>,</td>
+<td align="center">59</td>
+<td align="center">73</td>
+<td align="center">&#160;&#160;21</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td><span class="smcap">Dunshunner</span>,</td>
+<td align="center">72</td>
+<td align="center">19</td>
+<td align="center">&#160;&#160;&#160;7</td></tr>
+
+<tr><td align="left" colspan="3"><span style="margin-left: 2em;">Majority for <span class="smcap">Douglas</span></span>,</td>
+<td align="left"><span style="margin-left: 2em;">196</span></td></tr>
+</table></div>
+
+<p>We had an affecting scene in the Committee-room. Gills, who had been
+drinking all day, shed copious floods of tears; Shanks was disconsolate;
+and M&#8217;Auslan refused to be comforted. Of course I gave the usual pledge,
+that on the very first opportunity I should come forward again to
+reassert the independence of the burghs, now infamously sacrificed to a
+Conservative; but the cheering at this announcement was of the very
+faintest description, and I doubt whether any one believed me. Two hours
+afterwards I was miles away from Dreepdaily.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span></p><p>I have since had letters from that place, which inform me that the
+Clique is utterly discomfited; that for some days the component members
+of it might be seen wandering through the streets, and pouring their
+husky sorrows into the ears of every stray listener whom they could
+find, until they became a positive nuisance. My best champion, however,
+was the editor of the <i>Patriot</i>. That noble and dauntless individual
+continued for weeks afterwards to pour forth Jeremiads upon my defeat,
+and stigmatised my opponents and their supporters as knaves, miscreants,
+and nincompoops. I was, he maintained, the victim of a base conspiracy,
+and the degraded town of Dreepdaily would never be able thereafter to
+rear its polluted head in the Convention of Royal Burghs.</p>
+
+<p>Whilst these things were going on in Dreepdaily, I was closeted with
+M&#8217;Corkindale in Glasgow.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;So, then, you have lost your election,&#8221; said he.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And you have lost your wife.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Neither of the two accidents appear to me irreparable,&#8221; replied Robert.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;How so? Do you still think of Miss Binkie?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;By no means. I made some little inquiry the day before the election,
+and discovered that a certain nest-egg was enormously exaggerated, if
+not altogether fictitious.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, Bob, there is certainly nobody like yourself for getting
+information.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;I do my best. May I inquire into the nature of your future movements?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I have not yet made up my mind. These election matters put everything
+else out of one&#8217;s head. Let me see&mdash;August is approaching, and I half
+promised the Captain of M&#8217;Alcohol to spend a few weeks with him at his
+shooting-quarters.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Are you aware, Dunshunner, that one of your bills falls due at the
+Gorbals Bank upon Tuesday next?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Mercy upon me, Bob! I had forgotten all about it.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I did not go to the Highlands after all. The fatigue and exertion we had
+undergone rendered it quite indispensable that my friend Robert and I
+should relax a little. Accordingly we have both embarked for a short run
+upon the Continent.</p>
+
+<p><span style="margin-left: 1em;"><span class="smcap">Boulogne-sur-Mer</span>,</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1.5em;"><i>12th August 1847</i>.</span></p>
+
+<hr class="large" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="FIRST_AND_LAST" id="FIRST_AND_LAST"></a>FIRST AND LAST</h2>
+
+<h3>BY WILLIAM MUDFORD.</h3>
+
+<h4>[<i>MAGA.</i> <span class="smcap">February 1829.</span>]</h4>
+
+<p class="n"><span style="float:left;font-size:40px;line-height:25px;padding-top:2px;padding-bottom:1px;">T</span>ake down from your shelves, gentle reader, your folio edition of
+Johnson&#8217;s Dictionary,&mdash;or, if you possess Todd&#8217;s edition of Johnson,
+take down his four ponderous quartos; turn over every leaf, read every
+word from A to Z, and then confess, that in the whole vocabulary there
+are not any two words which awaken in your heart such a crowd of mixed
+and directly opposite emotions as the two which now stare you in the
+face&mdash;<small>FIRST</small> and <small>LAST</small>! In the abstract, they embrace the whole round of
+our existence: in the detail, all its brightest hopes, its noblest
+enjoyments, and its most cherished recollections; all its loftiest
+enterprises, and all its smiles and tears; its pangs of guilt, its
+virtuous principles, its trials, its sorrows, and its rewards. They give
+you the dawn and the close of life, the beginning and the end of its
+countless busy scenes. They are the two extremities of a path which, be
+it long, or be it short, no man <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span>sees at one and the same moment. Happy
+would it be for us, sometimes, if we could&mdash;if we <i>could</i> behold the end
+of a course of action as certainly as we do the beginning; but oftener,
+far oftener, would it be our curse and torment, unless, with the
+foresight or foreknowledge, we had the power to avert the end.</p>
+
+<p>But let me not anticipate my own intentions, which are to portray, in a
+few sketches, the links that hold together the <i>first</i> and <i>last</i> of the
+most momentous periods and undertakings of our lives; to trace the dawn,
+progress, and decline of many of the best feelings and motives of our
+nature; to touch, with a pensive colouring, the contrasts they present;
+to stimulate honourable enterprises by the examples they furnish; and to
+amuse by the form in which the truths they supply are embodied. I shall
+begin with a subject not exactly falling within the legitimate scope of
+my design, but it will serve as an appropriate introduction, and I shall
+call it</p>
+
+<p class="center">THE FIRST AND LAST DINNER.</p>
+
+<p>Twelve friends, much about the same age, and fixed by their pursuits,
+their family connections, and other local interests, as permanent
+inhabitants of the metropolis, agreed, one day when they were drinking
+their wine at the Star and Garter at Richmond, to institute an annual
+dinner among themselves, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span>under the following regulations: That they
+should dine alternately at each other&#8217;s houses on the <i>first</i> and <i>last</i>
+day of the year; that the <i>first</i> bottle of wine uncorked at the <i>first</i>
+dinner, should be recorked and put away, to be drunk by him who should
+be the <i>last</i> of their number; that they should never admit a new
+member; that, when one died, eleven should meet, and when another died,
+ten should meet, and so on; and that, when only one remained, he should,
+on those two days, dine by himself, and sit the usual hours at his
+solitary table; but the <i>first</i> time he so dined alone, lest it should
+be the only one, he should then uncork the <i>first</i> bottle, and, in the
+<i>first</i> glass, drink to the memory of all who were gone.</p>
+
+<p>There was something original and whimsical in the idea, and it was
+eagerly embraced. They were all in the prime of life, closely attached
+by reciprocal friendship, fond of social enjoyments, and looked forward
+to their future meetings with unalloyed anticipations of pleasure. The
+only thought, indeed, that could have darkened those anticipations was
+one not very likely to intrude itself at that moment, that of the
+hapless wight who was destined to uncork the <i>first</i> bottle at his
+lonely repast.</p>
+
+<p>It was high summer when this frolic compact was entered into; and as
+their pleasure-yacht skimmed along the dark bosom of the Thames, on
+their return to London, they talked of nothing but <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span>their <i>first</i> and
+<i>last</i> feasts of ensuing years. Their imaginations ran riot with
+a thousand gay predictions of festive merriment. They wantoned in
+conjectures of what changes time would operate; joked each other upon
+their appearance, when they should meet,&mdash;some hobbling upon crutches
+after a severe fit of the gout,&mdash;others poking about with purblind
+eyes, which even spectacles could hardly enable to distinguish the
+alderman&#8217;s walk in a haunch of venison&mdash;some with portly round bellies
+and tidy little brown wigs, and others decently dressed out in a
+new suit of mourning for the death of a great-granddaughter or a
+great-great-grandson. Palsies, wrinkles, toothless gums, stiff hams,
+and poker knees, were bandied about in sallies of exuberant mirth, and
+appropriated, first to one and then to another, as a group of merry
+children would have distributed golden palaces, flying chariots, diamond
+tables, and chairs of solid pearl, under the fancied possession of a
+magician&#8217;s wand, which could transform plain brick, and timber, and
+humble mahogany, into such costly treasures.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;As for you, George,&#8221; exclaimed one of the twelve, addressing his
+brother-in-law, &#8220;I expect I shall see you as dry, withered, and
+shrunken, as an old eel-skin, you mere outside of a man!&#8221; and he
+accompanied the words with a hearty slap on the shoulder.</p>
+
+<p>George Fortescue was leaning carelessly over the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span>side of the yacht,
+laughing the loudest of any at the conversation which had been carried
+on. The sudden manual salutation of his brother-in-law threw him off his
+balance, and in a moment he was overboard. They heard the heavy splash
+of his fall, before they could be said to have seen him fall. The yacht
+was proceeding swiftly along; but it was instantly stopped.</p>
+
+<p>The utmost consternation now prevailed. It was nearly dark, but
+Fortescue was known to be an excellent swimmer, and, startling as the
+accident was, they felt certain he would regain the vessel. They could
+not see him. They listened. They heard the sound of his hands and feet.
+They hailed him. An answer was returned, but in a faint gurgling voice,
+and the exclamation &#8220;Oh God!&#8221; struck upon their ears. In an instant two
+or three, who were expert swimmers, plunged into the river, and swam
+towards the spot whence the exclamation had proceeded. One of them was
+within an arm&#8217;s length of Fortescue: he saw him; he was struggling and
+buffeting the water; before he could be reached, he went down, and his
+distracted friend beheld the eddying circles of the wave just over the
+spot where he had sunk. He dived after him, and touched the bottom; but
+the tide must have drifted the body onwards, for it could not be found!</p>
+
+<p>They proceeded to one of the nearest stations where drags were kept,
+and having procured the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span>necessary apparatus, they returned to the fatal
+spot. After the lapse of above an hour, they succeeded in raising the
+lifeless body of their lost friend. All the usual remedies were employed
+for restoring suspended animation; but in vain; and they now pursued the
+remainder of their course to London in mournful silence, with the corpse
+of him who had commenced the day of pleasure with them in the fulness of
+health, of spirits, and of life! Amid their severer grief, they could
+not but reflect how soon one of the joyous twelve had slipped out of the
+little festive circle.</p>
+
+<p>The months rolled on, and cold December came with all its cheering round
+of kindly greetings and merry hospitalities; and with it came a softened
+recollection of the fate of poor Fortescue; <i>eleven</i> of the twelve
+assembled on the last day of the year, and it was impossible not to feel
+their loss as they sat down to dinner. The very irregularity of the
+table, five on one side, and only four on the other, forced the
+melancholy event upon their memory.</p>
+
+<p>There are few sorrows so stubborn as to resist the united influence of
+wine, a circle of select friends, and a season of prescriptive gaiety.
+Even those pinching troubles of life, which come home to a man&#8217;s
+own bosom, will light up a smile, in such moments, at the beaming
+countenances and jocund looks of all the rest of the world; while
+your mere sympathetic or sentimental distress gives way, like <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span>the
+inconsolable affliction of a widow of twenty closely besieged by a lover
+of thirty.</p>
+
+<p>A decorous sigh or two, a few becoming ejaculations, and an instructive
+observation upon the uncertainty of life, made up the sum of tender
+posthumous &#8220;offerings to the <i>manes</i> of poor George Fortescue,&#8221; as
+they proceeded to discharge the more important duties for which they
+had met. By the time the third glass of champagne had gone round, in
+addition to sundry potations of fine old hock, and &#8220;capital madeira,&#8221;
+they had ceased to discover anything so very pathetic in the inequality
+of the two sides of the table, or so melancholy in their crippled number
+of eleven.</p>
+
+<p>The rest of the evening passed off to their hearts&#8217; content.
+Conversation was briskly kept up amid the usual fire of pun, repartee,
+anecdote, politics, toasts, healths, jokes, broad laughter, erudite
+disquisitions upon the vintage of the wines they were drinking, and an
+occasional song. Towards twelve o&#8217;clock, when it might be observed that
+they emptied their glasses with less symptoms of palating the quality of
+what they quaffed, and filled them again with less anxiety as to which
+bottle or decanter they laid hold of, they gradually waxed moral and
+tender; sensibility began to ooze out; &#8220;Poor George Fortescue!&#8221; was once
+more remembered; those who could count, sighed to think there were only
+eleven of them; and those who <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span>could see, felt the tears come into their
+eyes, as they dimly noted the inequality of the two sides of the table.
+They all agreed, at parting, however, that they had never passed such a
+happy day, congratulated each other upon having instituted so delightful
+a meeting, and promised to be punctual to their appointment the ensuing
+evening, when they were to celebrate the new-year, whose entrance they
+had welcomed in bumpers of claret, as the watchman bawled &#8220;past twelve!&#8221;
+beneath the window.</p>
+
+<p>They met accordingly; and their gaiety was without any alloy or
+drawback. It was only the <i>first</i> time of their assembling after the
+death of &#8220;poor George Fortescue,&#8221; that made the recollection of it
+painful; for, though but a few hours had intervened, they now took their
+seats at the table as if eleven had been their original number, and as
+if all were there that had been ever expected to be there.</p>
+
+<p>It is thus in everything. The <i>first</i> time a man enters a prison&mdash;the
+<i>first</i> book an author writes&mdash;the <i>first</i> painting an artist
+executes&mdash;the <i>first</i> battle a general wins&mdash;nay, the <i>first</i> time
+a rogue is hanged (for a rotten rope may provide a second performance,
+even of that ceremony, with all its singleness of character), differ
+inconceivably from their <i>first</i> repetition. There is a charm, a spell,
+a novelty, a freshness, a delight, inseparable from the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span><i>first</i>
+experience (hanging always excepted, be it remembered), which no art or
+circumstance can impart to the <i>second</i>. And it is the same in all the
+darker traits of life. There is a degree of poignancy and anguish in the
+<i>first</i> assaults of sorrow, which is never found afterwards. Ask the
+weeping widow, who, &#8220;like Niobe all tears,&#8221; follows her fifth husband to
+the grave, and she will tell you that the <i>first</i> time she performed
+that melancholy office, it was with at least five times more
+lamentations than when she last discharged it. In every case, it is
+simply that the <i>first</i> fine edge of our feelings has been taken off,
+and that it can never be restored.</p>
+
+<p>Several years had elapsed, and our eleven friends kept up their double
+anniversaries, as they might aptly enough be called, with scarcely any
+perceptible change. But, alas! there came one dinner at last, which was
+darkened by a calamity they never expected to witness, for on that very
+day their friend, companion, brother almost, was hanged! Yes! Stephen
+Rowland, the wit, the oracle, the life of their little circle, had, on
+the morning of that day, forfeited his life upon a public scaffold, for
+having made one single stroke of his pen in a wrong place. In other
+words, a bill of exchange which passed <i>into</i> his hands for &pound;700 passed
+<i>out</i> of them for &pound;1700; he having drawn the important little prefix to
+the hundreds, and the bill being paid at the banker&#8217;s without examining
+the words of it. The <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span>forgery was discovered,&mdash;brought home to
+Rowland,&mdash;and though the greatest interest was used to obtain a
+remission of the fatal penalty (the particular female favourite of the
+prime-minister himself interfering), poor Stephen Rowland was hanged.
+Everybody pitied him; and nobody could tell why he did it. He was not
+poor; he was not a gambler; he was not a speculator; but phrenology
+settled it. The organ of <i>acquisitiveness</i> was discovered in his head,
+after his execution, as large as a pigeon&#8217;s egg. He could not help it.</p>
+
+<p>It would be injustice to the ten to say, that even wine, friendship, and
+a merry season, could dispel the gloom which pervaded this dinner. It
+was agreed beforehand that they should not allude to the distressing and
+melancholy theme; and having thus interdicted the only thing which
+really occupied all their thoughts, the natural consequence was, that
+silent contemplation took the place of dismal discourse, and they
+separated long before midnight. An embarrassing restraint, indeed,
+pervaded the little conversation which grew up at intervals. The
+champagne was not in good order, but no one liked to complain of its
+being <i>ropy</i>. A beautiful painting of Vandyke which was in the room,
+became a topic of discussion. They who thought it was <i>hung</i> in a bad
+place, shrunk from saying so; and not one ventured to speak of the
+<i>execution</i> of that great master. Their host was <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span>having the front of
+his house repaired, and at any other time he would have cautioned them,
+when they went away, as the night was very dark, to take care of the
+<i>scaffold</i>; but no, they might have stumbled right and left before he
+would have pronounced that word, or told them not to <i>break their
+necks</i>. One, in particular, even abstained from using his customary
+phrase, &#8220;this is a <i>drop</i> of good wine;&#8221; and another forbore to
+congratulate the friend who sat next him, and who had been married since
+he last saw him, because he was accustomed on such occasions to employ
+figurative language and talk of the holy <i>noose</i> of wedlock.</p>
+
+<p>Some fifteen years had now glided away since the fate of poor Rowland,
+and the ten remained; but the stealing hand of time had written sundry
+changes in most legible characters. Raven locks had become grizzled&mdash;two
+or three heads had not as many locks altogether as may be reckoned in a
+walk of half a mile along the Regent&#8217;s Canal&mdash;one was actually covered
+with a brown wig&mdash;the crow&#8217;s-feet were visible in the corner of the
+eye&mdash;good old port and warm madeira carried it against hock, claret, red
+burgundy, and champagne&mdash;stews, hashes, and ragouts, grew into
+favour&mdash;crusts were rarely called for to relish the cheese after
+dinner&mdash;conversation was less boisterous, and it turned chiefly upon
+politics and the state of the funds, or the value of landed
+property&mdash;apologies were made for <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span>coming in thick shoes and warm
+stockings&mdash;the doors and windows were more carefully provided with list
+and sand-bags&mdash;the fire more in request&mdash;and a quiet game of whist
+filled up the hours that were wont to be devoted to drinking, singing,
+and riotous merriment. Two rubbers, a cup of coffee, and at home by
+eleven o&#8217;clock, was the usual cry, when the fifth or sixth glass had
+gone round after the removal of the cloth. At parting, too, there was
+now a long ceremony in the hall, buttoning up great-coats, tying on
+woollen comforters, fixing silk handkerchiefs over the mouth and up to
+the ears, and grasping sturdy walking-canes to support unsteady feet.</p>
+
+<p>Their fiftieth anniversary came, and death had indeed been busy. One had
+been killed by the overturning of the mail, in which he had taken his
+place in order to be present at the dinner, having purchased an estate
+in Monmouthshire, and retired thither with his family. Another had
+undergone the terrific operation for the stone, and expired beneath the
+knife&mdash;a third had yielded up a broken spirit two years after the loss
+of an only-surviving and beloved daughter&mdash;a fourth was carried off in a
+few days by a <i>cholera morbus</i>&mdash;a fifth had breathed his last the very
+morning he obtained a judgment in his favour by the Lord Chancellor,
+which had cost him his last shilling nearly to get, and which, after a
+litigation of eighteen years, declared him <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span>the rightful possessor of
+ten thousand a-year&mdash;ten minutes after he was no more. A sixth had
+perished by the hand of a midnight assassin, who broke into his house
+for plunder, and sacrificed the owner of it, as he grasped convulsively
+a bundle of Exchequer bills, which the robber was drawing from beneath
+his pillow, where he knew they were every night placed for better
+security.</p>
+
+<p>Four little old men, of withered appearance and decrepit walk, with
+cracked voices, and dim, rayless eyes, sat down, by the mercy of Heaven
+(as they themselves tremulously declared), to celebrate, for the
+fiftieth time, the first day of the year&mdash;to observe the frolic compact
+which, half a century before, they had entered into at the Star and
+Garter at Richmond! Eight were in their graves! The four that remained
+stood upon its confines. Yet they chirped cheerily over their glass,
+though they could scarcely carry it to their lips, if more than half
+full; and cracked their jokes, though they articulated their words with
+difficulty, and heard each other with still greater difficulty. They
+mumbled, they chattered, they laughed (if a sort of strangled wheezing
+might be called a laugh); and when the wines sent their icy blood in
+warmer pulse through their veins, they talked of their past as if it
+were but a yesterday that had slipped by them,&mdash;and of their future, as
+if it were a busy century that lay before them.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span></p><p>They were just the number for a quiet rubber of whist; and for three
+successive years they sat down to one. The fourth came, and then their
+rubber was played with an open dummy; a fifth, and whist was no longer
+practicable; <i>two</i> could play only at cribbage, and cribbage was the
+game. But it was little more than the mockery of play. Their palsied
+hands could hardly hold, or their fading sight distinguish, the cards,
+while their torpid faculties made them doze between each deal.</p>
+
+<p>At length came the <small>LAST</small> dinner; and the survivor of the twelve, upon
+whose head fourscore and ten winters had showered their snow, ate his
+solitary meal. It so chanced that it was in his house, and at his table,
+they had celebrated the first. In his cellar, too, had remained, for
+eight-and-fifty years, the bottle they had then uncorked, recorked, and
+which he was that day to uncork again. It stood beside him. With a
+feeble and reluctant grasp he took the &#8220;frail memorial&#8221; of a youthful
+vow; and for a moment memory was faithful to her office. She threw open
+the long vista of buried years; and his heart travelled through them
+all;&mdash;their lusty and blithesome spring&mdash;their bright and fervid
+summer&mdash;their ripe and temperate autumn&mdash;their chill, but not too frozen
+winter. He saw, as in a mirror, how, one by one, the laughing companions
+of that merry hour at Richmond, had dropped into eternity. He <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span>felt all
+the loneliness of his condition (for he had eschewed marriage, and in
+the veins of no living creature ran a drop of blood whose source was in
+his own); and as he drained the glass which he had filled, &#8220;to the
+memory of those who were gone,&#8221; the tears slowly trickled down the deep
+furrows of his aged face.</p>
+
+<p>He had thus fulfilled one part of his vow, and he prepared himself to
+discharge the other, by sitting the usual number of hours at his
+desolate table. With a heavy heart he resigned himself to the gloom of
+his own thoughts&mdash;a lethargic sleep stole over him&mdash;his head fell upon
+his bosom&mdash;confused images crowded into his mind&mdash;he babbled to
+himself&mdash;was silent&mdash;and when his servant entered the room, alarmed by a
+noise which he heard, he found his master stretched upon the carpet at
+the foot of the easy-chair, out of which he had slipped in an apoplectic
+fit. He never spoke again, nor once opened his eyes, though the vital
+spark was not extinct till the following day. And this was the <small>LAST
+DINNER</small>.</p>
+
+<hr class="large" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 1]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="THE_DUKES_DILEMMA" id="THE_DUKES_DILEMMA"></a>THE DUKE&#8217;S DILEMMA.</h2>
+
+<h3>A CHRONICLE OF NIESENSTEIN.</h3>
+
+<h4>[<i>MAGA.</i> <span class="smcap">September 1853.</span>]</h4>
+
+<p class="n"><span style="float:left;font-size:40px;line-height:25px;padding-top:2px;padding-bottom:1px;">T</span>he close of the theatrical year, which in France occurs in early
+spring, annually brings to Paris a throng of actors and actresses, the
+disorganised elements of provincial companies, who repair to the capital
+to contract engagements for the new season. Paris is the grand centre to
+which all dramatic stars converge&mdash;the great bazaar where managers
+recruit their troops for the summer campaign. In bad weather the mart
+for this human merchandise is at an obscure coffee-house near the Rue St
+Honor&eacute;; when the sun shines, the place of meeting is in the garden of
+the Palais Royal. There, pacing to and fro beneath the lime-trees, the
+high contracting parties pursue their negotiations and make their
+bargains. It is the theatrical Exchange, the histrionic <i>Bourse</i>. There
+the conversation and the company are alike curious. Many are the strange
+discussions and original anecdotes that there are heard; many the odd
+figures there paraded. Tragedians,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 2]</a></span> comedians, singers, men and women,
+young and old, flock thither in quest of fortune and a good engagement.
+The threadbare coats of some say little in favour of recent success or
+present prosperity; but only hear them speak, and you are at once
+convinced that <i>they</i> have no need of broadcloth who are so amply
+covered with laurels. It is delightful to hear them talk of their
+triumphs, of the storms of applause, the rapturous bravos, the boundless
+enthusiasm, of the audiences they lately delighted. Their brows are
+oppressed with the weight of their bays. The south mourns their loss; if
+they go west, the north will be envious and inconsolable. As to
+themselves&mdash;north, south, east, or west&mdash;they care little to which point
+of the compass the breeze of their destiny may waft them. Thorough
+gypsies in their habits, accustomed to make the best of the passing
+hour, and to take small care for the future so long as the present is
+provided for, like soldiers they heed not the name of the town so long
+as the quarters be good.</p>
+
+<p>It was a fine morning in April. The sun shone brightly, and, amongst the
+numerous loungers in the garden of the Palais Royal were several groups
+of actors. The season was already far advanced; all the companies were
+formed, and those players who had not secured an engagement had but a
+poor chance of finding one. Their anxiety was legible upon their
+countenances. A man of about fifty <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 3]</a></span>years of age walked to and fro, a
+newspaper in his hand, and to him, when he passed near them, the actors
+bowed&mdash;respectfully and hopefully. A quick glance was his acknowledgment
+of their salutation, and then his eyes reverted to his paper, as if it
+deeply interested him. When he was out of hearing, the actors, who had
+assumed their most picturesque attitudes to attract his attention, and
+who beheld their labour lost, vented their ill-humour.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Balthasar is mighty proud,&#8221; said one; &#8220;he has not a word to say to us.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Perhaps he does not want anybody,&#8221; remarked another; &#8220;I think he has no
+theatre this year.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That would be odd. They say he is a clever manager.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;He may best prove his cleverness by keeping aloof. It is so difficult
+nowadays to do good in the provinces. The public is so fastidious! the
+authorities are so shabby, so unwilling to put their hands in their
+pockets. Ah, my dear fellow, our art is sadly fallen!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Whilst the discontented actors bemoaned themselves, Balthasar eagerly
+accosted a young man who just then entered the garden by the passage of
+the Perron. The coffehouse-keepers had already begun to put out tables
+under the tender foliage. The two men sat down at one of them.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, Florival,&#8221; said the manager, &#8220;does my offer suit you? Will you
+make one of us? I was <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 4]</a></span>glad to hear you had broken off with Ricardin.
+With your qualifications you ought to have an engagement in Paris, or at
+least at a first-rate provincial theatre. But you are young, and, as you
+know, managers prefer actors of greater experience and established
+reputation. Your parts are generally taken by youths of five-and-forty,
+with wrinkles and grey hairs, but well versed in the traditions of the
+stage&mdash;with damaged voices but an excellent style. My brother managers
+are greedy of great names; yours still has to become known&mdash;as yet, you
+have but your talent to recommend you. I will content myself with that;
+content yourself with what I offer you. Times are bad, the season is
+advanced, engagements are hard to find. Many of your comrades have gone
+to try their luck beyond seas. We have not so far to go; we shall
+scarcely overstep the boundary of our ungrateful country. Germany
+invites us; it is a pleasant land, and Rhine wine is not to be
+disdained. I will tell you how the thing came about. For many years past
+I have managed theatres in the eastern departments, in Alsatia and
+Lorraine. Last summer, having a little leisure, I made an excursion to
+Baden-Baden. As usual, it was crowded with fashionables. One rubbed
+shoulders with princes and trod upon highnesses&#8217; toes; one could not
+walk twenty yards without meeting a sovereign. All these crowned heads,
+kings, grand-dukes, electors, mingled easily <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 5]</a></span>and affably with the
+throng of visitors. Etiquette is banished from the baths of Baden,
+where, without laying aside their titles, great personages enjoy the
+liberty and advantages of an incognito. At the time of my visit, a
+company of very indifferent German actors were playing, two or three
+times a-week, in the little theatre. They played to empty benches, and
+must have starved but for the assistance afforded them by the directors
+of the gambling-tables. I often went to their performances, and, amongst
+the scanty spectators, I soon remarked one who was as assiduous as
+myself. A gentleman, very plainly dressed, but of agreeable countenance
+and aristocratic appearance, invariably occupied the same stall, and
+seemed to enjoy the performance, which proved that he was easily
+pleased. One night he addressed to me some remark with respect to the
+play then acting; we got into conversation on the subject of dramatic
+art; he saw that I was specially competent on that topic, and after the
+theatre he asked me to take refreshment with him. I accepted. At
+midnight we parted, and, as I was going home, I met a gambler whom I
+slightly knew. &#8216;I congratulate you,&#8217; he said; &#8216;you have friends in high
+places!&#8217; He alluded to the gentleman with whom I had passed the evening,
+and who I now learned was no less a personage than his Serene Highness
+Prince Leopold, sovereign ruler of the Grand Duchy of Niesenstein. I
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 6]</a></span>had had the honour of passing a whole evening in familiar intercourse
+with a crowned head. Next day, walking in the park, I met his highness.
+I made a low bow and kept at a respectful distance, but the Grand Duke
+came up to me and asked me to walk with him. Before accepting, I thought
+it right to inform him who I was. &#8216;I guessed as much,&#8217; said the Prince.
+&#8216;From one or two things that last night escaped you, I made no doubt you
+were a theatrical manager.&#8217; And by a gesture he renewed his invitation
+to accompany him. In a long conversation he informed me of his intention
+to establish a French theatre in his capital, for the performance of
+comedy, drama, vaudeville, and comic operas. He was then building a
+large theatre, which would be ready by the end of the winter, and he
+offered me its management on very advantageous terms. I had no plans in
+France for the present year, and the offer was too good to be refused.
+The Grand Duke guaranteed my expenses and a gratuity, and there was a
+chance of very large profits. I hesitated not a moment; we exchanged
+promises, and the affair was concluded.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;According to our agreement, I am to be at Karlstadt, the capital of the
+Grand Duchy of Niesenstein, in the first week in May. There is no time
+to lose. My company is almost complete, but there are still some
+important gaps to fill. Amongst others, I want a lover, a light
+comedian, and a first <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 7]</a></span>singer. I reckon upon you to fill these important
+posts.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am quite willing,&#8221; replied the actor, &#8220;but there is still an
+obstacle. You must know, my dear Balthasar, that I am deeply in
+love&mdash;seriously, this time&mdash;and I broke off with Ricardin solely because
+he would not engage her to whom I am attached.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oho! she is an actress?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Two years upon the stage; a lovely girl, full of grace and talent, and
+with a charming voice. The Opera Comique has not a singer to compare
+with her.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And she is disengaged?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, my dear fellow; strange though it seems, and by a combination of
+circumstances which it were tedious to detail, the fascinating Delia is
+still without an engagement. And I give you notice that henceforward I
+attach myself to her steps: where she goes, I go; I will perform upon no
+boards which she does not tread. I am determined to win her heart, and
+make her my wife.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Very good!&#8221; cried Balthasar, rising from his seat; &#8220;tell me the address
+of this prodigy: I run, I fly, I make every sacrifice; and we will start
+to-morrow.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>People were quite right in saying that Balthasar was a clever manager.
+None better knew how to deal with actors, often capricious and difficult
+to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 8]</a></span>guide. He possessed skill, taste, and tact. One hour after the
+conversation in the garden of the Palais Royal, he had obtained the
+signatures of Delia and Florival, two excellent acquisitions, destined
+to do him infinite honour in Germany. That night his little company was
+complete, and the next day, after a good dinner, it started for
+Strasburg. It was composed as follows:</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>Balthasar, manager, was to play the old men, and take the heavy
+business.</p>
+<p>Florival was the leading man, the lover, and the first singer.</p>
+<p>Rigolet was the low comedian, and took the parts usually played by Arnal
+and Bouff&eacute;.</p>
+<p>Similor was to perform the valets in Moli&egrave;re&#8217;s comedies, and eccentric
+low comedy characters.</p>
+<p>Anselmo was the walking gentleman.</p>
+<p>Lebel led the band.</p>
+<p>Miss Delia was to display her charms and talents as prima donna, and in
+genteel comedy.</p>
+<p>Miss Foligny was the singing chambermaid.</p>
+<p>Miss Alice was the walking lady, and made herself generally useful.</p>
+<p>Finally, Madame Pastorale, the duenna of the company, was to perform the
+old women, and look after the young ones.</p></div>
+
+<p>Although so few, the company trusted to atone by zeal and industry for
+numerical deficiency. It would be easy to find, in the capital of the
+Grand <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 9]</a></span>Duchy, persons capable of filling mute parts, and, in most plays,
+a few unimportant characters might be suppressed.</p>
+
+<p>The travellers reached Strasburg without adventure worthy of note. There
+Balthasar allowed them six-and-thirty hours&#8217; repose, and took advantage
+of the halt to write to the Grand Duke Leopold, and inform him of his
+approaching arrival; then they again started, crossed the Rhine at Kehl,
+and in thirty hours, after traversing several small German states,
+reached the frontier of the Grand Duchy of Niesenstein, and stopped at a
+little village called Krusthal. From this village to the capital the
+distance was only four leagues, but means of conveyance were wanting.
+There was but a single stagecoach on that line of road; it would not
+leave Krusthal for two days, and it held but six persons. No other
+vehicles were to be had; it was necessary to wait, and the necessity was
+anything but pleasant. The actors made wry faces at the prospect of
+passing forty-eight hours in a wretched village. The only persons who
+easily made up their minds to the wearisome delay were Delia and
+Florival. The first singer was desperately in love, and the prima donna
+was not insensible to his delicate attentions and tender discourse.</p>
+
+<p>Balthasar, the most impatient and persevering of all, went out to
+explore the village. In an hour&#8217;s time he returned in triumph to his
+friends, in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 10]</a></span>a light cart drawn by a strong horse. Unfortunately the
+cart held but two persons.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I will set out alone,&#8221; said Balthasar. &#8220;On reaching Karlstadt, I will
+go to the Grand Duke, explain our position, and I have no doubt he will
+immediately send carriages to convey you to his capital.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>These consolatory words were received with loud cheers by the actors.
+The driver, a peasant lad, cracked his whip, and the stout Mecklenburg
+horse set out at a small trot. Upon the way, Balthasar questioned his
+guide as to the extent, resources, and prosperity of the Grand Duchy,
+but could obtain no satisfactory reply; the young peasant was profoundly
+ignorant upon all these subjects. The four leagues were got over in
+something less than three hours, which is rather rapid travelling for
+Germany. It was nearly dark when Balthasar entered Karlstadt. The shops
+were shut, and there were few persons in the streets; people are early
+in their habits in the happy lands on the Rhine&#8217;s right bank. Presently
+the cart stopped before a good-sized house.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You told me to take you to our prince&#8217;s palace,&#8221; said the driver, &#8220;and
+here it is.&#8221; Balthasar alighted and entered the dwelling, unchallenged
+and unimpeded by the sentry who paced lazily up and down in its front.
+In the entrance-hall the manager met a porter, who bowed gravely to him
+as he passed; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 11]</a></span>he walked on and passed through an empty anteroom. In the
+first apartment, appropriated to gentlemen-in-waiting, aides-de-camp,
+equerries, and other dignitaries of various degree, he found nobody; in
+a second saloon, lighted by a dim and smoky lamp, was an old gentleman,
+dressed in black, with powdered hair, who rose slowly at his entrance,
+looked at him with surprise, and inquired his pleasure.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I wish to see his Serene Highness, the Grand Duke Leopold,&#8221; replied
+Balthasar.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The prince does not grant audiences at this hour,&#8221; the old gentleman
+dryly answered.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;His Highness expects me,&#8221; was the confident reply of Balthasar.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That is another thing. I will inquire if it be his Highness&#8217;s pleasure
+to receive you. Whom shall I announce?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The manager of the Court theatre.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The gentleman bowed, and left Balthasar alone. The pertinacious manager
+already began to doubt the success of his audacity, when he heard the
+Grand Duke&#8217;s voice, saying, &#8220;Show him in.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>He entered. The sovereign of Niesenstein was alone, seated in a large
+arm-chair, at a table covered with a green cloth, upon which were a
+confused medley of letters and newspapers, an inkstand, a tobacco-bag,
+two wax-lights, a sugar-basin, a sword, a plate, gloves, a bottle,
+books, and a goblet of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 12]</a></span>Bohemian glass, artistically engraved. His
+Highness was engrossed in a thoroughly national occupation; he was
+smoking one of those long pipes which Germans rarely lay aside except to
+eat or to sleep.</p>
+
+<p>The manager of the Court theatre bowed thrice, as if he had been
+advancing to the foot-lights to address the public; then he stood still
+and silent, awaiting the prince&#8217;s pleasure. But, although he said
+nothing, his countenance was so expressive that the Grand Duke answered
+him.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes,&#8221; he said, &#8220;here you are. I recollect you perfectly, and I have not
+forgotten our agreement. But you come at a very unfortunate moment, my
+dear sir!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I crave your Highness&#8217;s pardon if I have chosen an improper hour to
+seek an audience,&#8221; replied Balthasar with another bow.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It is not the hour that I am thinking of,&#8221; answered the prince quickly.
+&#8220;Would that were all! See, here is your letter; I was just now reading
+it, and regretting that, instead of writing to me only three days ago,
+when you were half-way here, you had not done so two or three weeks
+before starting.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I did wrong.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;More so than you think; for, had you sooner warned me, I would have
+spared you a useless journey.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Useless!&#8221; exclaimed Balthasar aghast. &#8220;Has your Highness changed your
+mind?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 13]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Not at all; I am still passionately fond of the drama, and should be
+delighted to have a French theatre here. As far as that goes, my ideas
+and tastes are in no way altered since last summer; but, unfortunately,
+I am unable to satisfy them. Look here,&#8221; continued the prince, rising
+from his arm-chair. He took Balthasar&#8217;s arm and led him to a window: &#8220;I
+told you, last year, that I was building a magnificent theatre in my
+capital.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Your Highness did tell me so.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, look yonder, on the other side of the square; there the theatre
+is!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Your Highness, I see nothing but an open space; a building commenced,
+and as yet scarcely risen above the foundation.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Precisely so; that is the theatre.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Your Highness told me it would be completed before the end of winter.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I did not then foresee that I should have to stop the works for want of
+cash to pay the workmen. Such is my present position. If I have no
+theatre ready to receive you, and if I cannot take you and your company
+into my pay, it is because I have not the means. The coffers of the
+State and my privy purse are alike empty. You are astounded!&mdash;Adversity
+respects nobody&mdash;not even Grand Dukes. But I support its assaults with
+philosophy: try to follow my example; and, by way of a beginning, take a
+chair and a pipe, fill <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 14]</a></span>yourself a glass of wine, and drink to the
+return of my prosperity. Since you suffer for my misfortunes, I owe you
+an explanation. Although I never had much order in my expenditure, I had
+every reason, at the time I first met with you, to believe my finances
+in a flourishing condition. It was not until the commencement of the
+present year that I discovered the contrary to be the case. Last year
+was a bad one; hail ruined our crops, and money was hard to get in. The
+salaries of my household were in arrear, and my officers murmured. For
+the first time I ordered a statement of my affairs to be laid before me,
+and I found that ever since my accession I had been exceeding my
+revenue. My first act of sovereignty had been a considerable diminution
+of the taxes paid to my predecessors. Hence the evil, which had annually
+augmented, and now I am ruined, loaded with debts, and without means of
+repairing the disaster. My privy-councillors certainly proposed a way;
+it was to double the taxes, raise extraordinary contributions&mdash;to
+squeeze my subjects, in short. A fine plan, indeed! to make the poor pay
+for my improvidence and disorder! Such things may occur in other States,
+but they shall not occur in mine. Justice before everything. I prefer
+enduring my difficulties to making my subjects suffer.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Excellent prince!&#8221; exclaimed Balthasar, touched <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 15]</a></span>by these generous
+sentiments. The Grand Duke smiled.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Do you turn flatterer?&#8221; he said. &#8220;Beware! it is an arduous post, and
+you will have none to help you. I have no longer wherewith to pay
+flatterers; my courtiers have fled. You have seen the emptiness of my
+anterooms; you met neither chamberlain nor equerry upon your entrance.
+All those gentlemen have given in their resignations. The civil and
+military officers of my house, secretaries, aides-de-camp, and others,
+left me, because I could no longer pay them their wages. I am alone; a
+few faithful and patient servants are all that remain, and the most
+important personage of my court is now honest Sigismund, my old
+valet-de-chambre.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>These last words were spoken in a melancholy tone, which pained
+Balthasar. The eyes of the honest manager glistened. The Grand Duke
+detected his sympathy.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Do not pity me,&#8221; he said with a smile. &#8220;It is no sorrow to me to have
+got rid of a wearisome etiquette, and, at the same time, of a pack of
+spies and hypocrites, by whom I was formerly from morning till night
+beset.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The cheerful frankness of the Grand Duke&#8217;s manner forbade doubt of his
+sincerity. Balthasar congratulated him on his courage.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 16]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;I need it more than you think!&#8221; replied Leopold, &#8220;and I cannot answer
+for having enough to support the blows that threaten me. The desertion
+of my courtiers would be nothing did I owe it only to the bad state of
+my finances: as soon as I found myself in funds again I could buy others
+or take back the old ones, and amuse myself by putting my foot upon
+their servile necks. Then they would be as humble as now they are
+insolent. But their defection is an omen of other dangers. As the
+diplomatists say, clouds are at the political horizon. Poverty alone
+would not have sufficed to clear my palace of men who are as greedy of
+honours as they are of money; they would have waited for better days;
+their vanity would have consoled their avarice. If they fled, it was
+because they felt the ground shake beneath their feet, and because they
+are in league with my enemies. I cannot shut my eyes to impending
+dangers. I am on bad terms with Austria; Metternich looks askance at me;
+at Vienna I am considered too liberal, too popular: they say that I set
+a bad example; they reproach me with cheap government, and with not
+making my subjects sufficiently feel the yoke. Thus do they accumulate
+pretexts for playing me a scurvy trick. One of my cousins, a colonel in
+the Austrian service, covets my Grand Duchy. Although I say <i>grand</i>, it
+is but ten leagues long and eight leagues broad: but such as it is, it
+suits me; I am accustomed <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 17]</a></span>to it, I have the habit of ruling it, and I
+should miss it were I deprived of it. My cousin has the audacity to
+dispute my incontestable rights; this is a mere pretext for litigation,
+but he has carried the case before the Aulic Council, and
+notwithstanding the excellence of my right I still may lose my cause,
+for I have no money wherewith to enlighten my judges. My enemies are
+powerful, treason surrounds me; they try to take advantage of my
+financial embarrassments, first to make me bankrupt and then to depose
+me. In this critical conjuncture, I should be only too delighted to have
+a company of players to divert my thoughts from my troubles&mdash;but I have
+neither theatre nor money. So it is impossible for me to keep you, my
+dear manager, and, believe me, I am as grieved at it as you can be. All
+I can do is to give you, out of the little I have left, a small
+indemnity to cover your travelling expenses and take you back to France.
+Come and see me to-morrow morning; we will settle this matter, and you
+shall take your leave.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Balthasar&#8217;s attention and sympathy had been so completely engrossed by
+the Grand Duke&#8217;s misfortunes, and by his revelations of his political
+and financial difficulties, that his own troubles had quite gone out of
+his thoughts. When he quitted the palace they came back upon him like a
+thunder-cloud. How was he to satisfy the actors, whom he had brought two
+hundred leagues away from Paris? <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 18]</a></span>What could he say to them, how appease
+them? The unhappy manager passed a miserable night. At daybreak he rose
+and went out into the open air, to calm his agitation and seek a mode of
+extrication from his difficulties. During a two hours&#8217; walk he had
+abundant time to visit every corner of Karlstadt, and to admire the
+beauties of that celebrated capital. He found it an elegant town, with
+wide straight streets cutting completely across it, so that he could see
+through it at a glance. The houses were pretty and uniform, and the
+windows were provided with small indiscreet mirrors, which reflected the
+passers-by and transported the street into the drawing-room, so that the
+worthy Karlstadters could satisfy their curiosity without quitting their
+easy chairs. An innocent recreation, much affected by German burghers.
+As regarded trade and manufactures, the capital of the Grand Duchy of
+Niesenstein did not seem to be very much occupied with either. It was
+anything but a bustling city; luxury had made but little progress there;
+and its prosperity was due chiefly to the moderate desires and
+phlegmatic philosophy of its inhabitants.</p>
+
+<p>In such a country a company of actors had no chance of a livelihood.
+There is nothing for it but to return to France, thought Balthasar,
+after making the circuit of the city: then he looked at his watch, and,
+deeming the hour suitable, he took the road to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 19]</a></span>the palace, which he
+entered with as little ceremony as upon the preceding evening. The
+faithful Sigismund, doing duty as gentleman-in-waiting, received him as
+an old acquaintance, and forthwith ushered him into the Grand Duke&#8217;s
+presence. His Highness seemed more depressed than upon the previous day.
+He was pacing the room with long strides, his eyes cast down, his arms
+folded. In his hand he held papers, whose perusal it apparently was that
+had thus discomposed him. For some moments he said nothing; then he
+suddenly stopped before Balthasar.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You find me less calm,&#8221; he said, &#8220;than I was last night. I have just
+received unpleasant news. I am heartily sick of these perpetual
+vexations, and gladly would I resign this poor sovereignty, this crown
+of thorns they seek to snatch from me, did not honour command me to
+maintain to the last my legitimate rights. Yes,&#8221; vehemently exclaimed
+the Grand Duke, &#8220;at this moment a tranquil existence is all I covet, and
+I would willingly give up my Grand Duchy, my title, my crown, to live
+quietly at Paris, as a private gentleman, upon thirty thousand francs
+a-year.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I believe so, indeed!&#8221; cried Balthasar, who, in his wildest dreams of
+fortune, had never dared aspire so high. His artless exclamation made
+the prince smile. It needed but a trifle to dissipate his vexation, and
+to restore that upper current of easy good <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 20]</a></span>temper which habitually
+floated upon the surface of his character.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You think,&#8221; he gaily cried, &#8220;that some, in my place, would be satisfied
+with less, and that thirty thousand francs a-year, with independence and
+the pleasures of Paris, compose a lot more enviable than the government
+of all the Grand Duchies in the world. My own experience tells me that
+you are right; for, ten years ago, when I was but hereditary prince, I
+passed six months at Paris, rich, independent, careless; and memory
+declares those to have been the happiest days of my life.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well! if you were to sell all you have, could you not realise that
+fortune? Besides, the cousin, of whom you did me the honour to speak to
+me yesterday, would probably gladly insure you an income if you yielded
+him your place here. But will your Highness permit me to speak plainly?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;By all means.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The tranquil existence of a private gentleman would doubtless have many
+charms for you, and you say so in all sincerity of heart; but, upon the
+other hand, you set store by your crown, though you may not admit it to
+yourself. In a moment of annoyance it is easy to exaggerate the charms
+of tranquillity, and the pleasures of private life; but a throne,
+however rickety, is a seat which none willingly quit. That is my
+opinion, formed at the dramatic school: it is perhaps a reminiscence of
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 21]</a></span>some old part, but truth is sometimes found upon the stage. Since,
+therefore, all things considered, to stay where you are is that which
+best becomes you, you ought&mdash;&mdash;But I crave your Highness&#8217;s pardon, I am
+perhaps speaking too freely&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Speak on, my dear manager, freely and fearlessly; I listen to you with
+pleasure. I ought, you were about to say?&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Instead of abandoning yourself to despair and poetry, instead of
+contenting yourself with succumbing nobly, like some ancient Roman, you
+ought boldly to combat the peril. Circumstances are favourable; you have
+neither ministers nor state-councillors to mislead you, and embarrass
+your plans. Strong in your good right, and in your subjects&#8217; love, it is
+impossible you should not find means of retrieving your finances and
+strengthening your position.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;There is but one means, and that is&mdash;a good marriage.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Excellent! I had not thought of it. You are a bachelor! A good marriage
+is salvation. It is thus that great houses, menaced with ruin, regain
+their former splendour. You must marry an heiress, the only daughter of
+some rich banker.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You forget&mdash;it would be derogatory. <i>I</i> am free from such prejudices,
+but what would Austria say if I thus condescended? It would be another
+charge to bring against me. And then a banker&#8217;s millions would not
+suffice; I must ally myself with a powerful <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 22]</a></span>family, whose influence
+will strengthen mine. Only a few days ago, I thought such an alliance
+within my grasp. A neighbouring prince, Maximilian of Hanau, who is in
+high favour at Vienna, has a sister to marry. The Princess Wilhelmina is
+young, handsome, amiable, and rich; I have already entered upon the
+preliminaries of a matrimonial negotiation, but two despatches, received
+this morning, destroy all my hopes. Hence the low spirits in which you
+find me.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Perhaps,&#8221; said Balthasar, &#8220;your Highness too easily gives way to
+discouragement.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Judge for yourself. I have a rival, the Elector of Saxe-Tolpelhausen;
+his territories are less considerable than mine, but he is more solidly
+established in his little electorate than I am in my grand-duchy.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Pardon me, your Highness; I saw the Elector of Saxe-Tolpelhausen last
+year at Baden-Baden, and, without flattery, he cannot for an instant be
+compared with your Highness. You are hardly thirty, and he is more than
+forty; you have a good figure, he is heavy, clumsy, and ill-made; your
+countenance is noble and agreeable, his common and displeasing; your
+hair is light brown, his bright red. The Princess Wilhelmina is sure to
+prefer you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Perhaps so, if she were asked; but she is in the power of her august
+brother, who will marry her to whom he pleases.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 23]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;That must be prevented.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;How?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;By winning the young lady&#8217;s affections. Love has so many resources.
+Every day one sees marriages for money broken off, and replaced by
+marriages for love.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, one sees that in plays&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Which afford excellent lessons.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;For people of a certain class, but not for princes.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why not make the attempt? If I dared advise you, it would be to set out
+to-morrow, and pay a visit to the Prince of Hanau.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Unnecessary. To see the prince and his sister, I need not stir hence.
+One of these despatches announces their early arrival at Karlstadt. They
+are on their way hither. On their return from a journey into Prussia,
+they pass through my territories and pause in my capital, inviting
+themselves as my guests for two or three days. Their visit is my ruin.
+What will they think of me when they find me alone, deserted, in my
+empty palace? Do you suppose the Princess will be tempted to share my
+dismal solitude? Last year she went to Saxe-Tolpelhausen. The Elector
+entertained her well, and made his court agreeable. <i>He</i> could place
+chamberlains and aides-de-camp at her orders, could give concerts,
+balls, and festivals. But I&mdash;what can <i>I</i> do? What a humiliation! And,
+that no affront may be spared to me, my rival proposes negotiating <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 24]</a></span>his
+marriage at my own court! Nothing less, it seems, will satisfy him! He
+has just sent me an ambassador, Baron Pippinstir, deputed, he writes, to
+conclude a commercial treaty which will be extremely advantageous to me.
+The treaty is but a pretext. The Baron&#8217;s true mission is to the Prince
+of Hanau. The meeting is skilfully contrived, for the secret and
+unostentatious conclusion of the matrimonial treaty. This is what I am
+condemned to witness! I must endure this outrage and mortification, and
+display, before the prince and his sister, my misery and poverty. I
+would do anything to avoid such shame!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Means might, perhaps, be found,&#8221; said Balthasar, after a moment&#8217;s
+reflection.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Means? Speak, and whatever they be, I adopt them.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The plan is a bold one!&#8221; continued Balthasar, speaking half to the
+Grand Duke and half to himself, as if pondering and weighing a project.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No matter! I will risk everything.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You would like to conceal your real position, to re-people this palace,
+to have a court?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Do you think the courtiers who have deserted you would return?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Never. Did I not tell you they are sold to my enemies?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 25]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Could you not select others from the higher class of your subjects?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Impossible! There are very few gentlemen amongst my subjects. Ah! if a
+court could be got up at a day&#8217;s notice! though it were to be composed
+of the humblest citizens of Karlstadt&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I have better than that to offer you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;<i>You</i> have? And whom do you offer?&#8221; cried Duke Leopold, greatly
+astonished.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My actors.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What! you would have me make up a court of your actors?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, your Highness, and you could not do better. Observe that my actors
+are accustomed to play all manner of parts, and that they will be
+perfectly at their ease when performing those of noblemen and high
+officials. I answer for their talent, discretion, and probity. As soon
+as your illustrious guests have departed, and you no longer need their
+services, they shall resign their posts. Bear in mind that you have no
+other alternative. Time is short, danger at your door, hesitation is
+destruction.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But, if such a trick were discovered!&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;A mere supposition, a chimerical fear. On the other hand, if you do not
+run the risk I propose, your ruin is certain.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The Grand Duke was easily persuaded. Careless <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 26]</a></span>and easy-going, he yet
+was not wanting in determination, nor in a certain love of hazardous
+enterprises. He remembered that fortune is said to favour the bold, and
+his desperate position increased his courage. With joyful intrepidity he
+accepted and adopted Balthasar&#8217;s scheme.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Bravo!&#8221; cried the manager; &#8220;you shall have no cause to repent. You
+behold in me a sample of your future courtiers; and since honours and
+dignities are to be distributed, it is with me, if you please, that we
+will begin. In this request I act up to the spirit of my part. A
+courtier should always be asking for something, should lose no
+opportunity, and should profit by his rivals&#8217; absence to obtain the best
+place. I entreat your Highness to have the goodness to name me prime
+minister.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Granted!&#8221; gaily replied the prince. &#8220;Your Excellency may immediately
+enter upon your functions.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My Excellency will not fail to do so, and begins by requesting your
+signature to a few decrees I am about to draw up. But in the first
+place, your Highness must be so good as to answer two or three
+questions, that I may understand the position of affairs. A new-comer in
+a country, and a novice in a minister&#8217;s office, has need of instruction.
+If it became necessary to enforce your commands, have you the means of
+so doing?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Undoubtedly.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 27]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Your Highness has soldiers?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;A regiment.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;How many men?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;One hundred and twenty, besides the musicians.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Are they obedient, devoted?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Passive obedience, unbounded devotion; soldiers and officers would die
+for me to the last man.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It is their duty. Another question: Have you a prison in your
+dominions?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Certainly.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I mean a good prison, strong and well-guarded, with thick walls, solid
+bars, stern and incorruptible jailors?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I have every reason to believe that the Castle of Zwingenberg combines
+all those requisites. The fact is, I have made very little use of it;
+but it was built by a man who understood such matters&mdash;by my father&#8217;s
+great-grandfather, Rudolph the Inflexible.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;A fine surname for a sovereign! Your Inflexible ancestor, I am very
+sure, never lacked either cash or courtiers. Your Highness has perhaps
+done wrong to leave the state-prison untenanted. A prison requires to be
+inhabited, like any other building; and the first act of the authority
+with which you have been pleased to invest me, will be a salutary
+measure of incarceration. I presume the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 28]</a></span>Castle of Zwingenberg will
+accommodate a score of prisoners?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What! you are going to imprison twenty persons?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;More or less. I do not yet know the exact number of the persons who
+composed your late court. They it is whom I propose lodging within the
+lofty walls constructed by the Inflexible Rudolph. The measure is
+indispensable.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But it is illegal!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I crave your Highness&#8217;s pardon; you use a word I do not understand. It
+seems to me that, in every good German government, that which is
+absolutely necessary is necessarily legal. That is my policy. Moreover,
+as prime minister, I am responsible. What would you have more? It is
+plain that, if we leave your courtiers their liberty, it will be
+impossible to perform our comedy; they will betray us. Therefore the
+welfare of the state imperatively demands their imprisonment. Besides,
+you yourself have said that they are traitors, and therefore they
+deserve punishment. For your own safety&#8217;s sake, for the success of your
+project&mdash;which will insure the happiness of your subjects&mdash;write the
+names, sign the order, and inflict upon the deserters the lenient
+chastisement of a week&#8217;s captivity.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The Grand Duke wrote the names and signed several orders, which were
+forthwith intrusted to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 29]</a></span>the most active and determined officers of the
+regiment, with instructions to make the arrests at once, and to take
+their prisoners to the Castle of Zwingenberg, at three quarters of a
+league from Karlstadt.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;All that now remains to be done is to send for your new court,&#8221; said
+Balthasar. &#8220;Has your Highness carriages?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Certainly! a berlin, a barouche, and a cabriolet.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And horses?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Six draught and two saddle.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I take the barouche, the berlin, and four horses; I go to Krusthal, put
+my actors up to their parts, and bring them here this evening. We instal
+ourselves in the palace, and shall be at once at your Highness&#8217;s
+orders.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Very good; but, before going, write an answer to Baron Pippinstir, who
+asks an audience.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Two lines, very dry and official, putting him off till to-morrow. We
+must be under arms to receive him.... Here is the note written, but how
+shall I sign it? The name of Balthasar is not very suitable to a German
+Excellency.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;True, you must have another name, and a title; I create you Count
+Lipandorf.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Thanks, your Highness. I will bear the title nobly, and restore it to
+you faithfully, with my seals of office, when the comedy is played out.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 30]</a></span></p><p>Count Lipandorf signed the letter, which Sigismund was ordered to take
+to Baron Pippinstir; then he started for Krusthal.</p>
+
+<p>Next morning, the Grand Duke Leopold held a levee, which was attended by
+all the officers of his new court. And as soon as he was dressed he
+received the ladies with infinite grace and affability.</p>
+
+<p>Ladies and officers were attired in their most elegant theatrical
+costumes; the Grand Duke appeared greatly satisfied with their bearing
+and manners. The first compliments over, there came a general
+distribution of titles and offices.</p>
+
+<p>The lover, Florival, was appointed aide-de-camp to the Grand Duke,
+colonel of hussars, and Count Reinsburg.</p>
+
+<p>Rigolet, the low comedian, was named grand chamberlain, and Baron
+Fidibus.</p>
+
+<p>Similor, who performed the valets, was master of the horse and Baron
+Kockemburg.</p>
+
+<p>Anselmo, walking gentleman, was promoted to be gentleman in waiting and
+Chevalier Grillenfanger.</p>
+
+<p>The leader of the band, Lebel, was appointed superintendant of the music
+and amusements of the court, with the title of Chevalier Arpeggio.</p>
+
+<p>The prima donna, Miss Delia, was created Countess of Rosenthal, an
+interesting orphan, whose dowry was to be the hereditary office of first
+lady of honour to the future Grand Duchess.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 31]</a></span></p><p>Miss Foligny, the singing chambermaid, was appointed widow of a general
+and Baroness Allenzau.</p>
+
+<p>Miss Alice, walking lady, became Miss Fidibus, daughter of the
+chamberlain, and a rich heiress.</p>
+
+<p>Finally, the duenna, Madame Pastorale, was called to the responsible
+station of mistress of the robes and governess of the maids of honour,
+under the imposing title of Baroness Schicklick.</p>
+
+<p>The new dignitaries received decorations in proportion to their rank.
+Count Balthasar von Lipandorf, prime minister, had two stars and three
+grand crosses. The aide-de-camp, Florival von Reinsberg, fastened five
+crosses upon the breast of his hussar jacket.</p>
+
+<p>The parts duly distributed and learned, there was a rehearsal, which
+went off excellently well. The Grand Duke deigned to superintend the
+getting up of the piece, and to give the actors a few useful hints.</p>
+
+<p>Prince Maximilian of Hanau and his august sister were expected that
+evening. Time was precious. Pending their arrival, and by way of
+practising his court, the Grand Duke gave audience to the ambassador
+from Saxe-Tolpelhausen.</p>
+
+<p>Baron Pippinstir was ushered into the Hall of the Throne. He had asked
+permission to present his wife at the same time as his credentials, and
+that favour had been granted him.</p>
+
+<p>At sight of the diplomatist, the new courtiers, as <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 32]</a></span>yet unaccustomed to
+rigid decorum, had difficulty in keeping their countenances. The Baron
+was a man of fifty, prodigiously tall, singularly thin, abundantly
+powdered, with legs like hop-poles, clad in knee breeches and white silk
+stockings. A long slender pigtail danced upon his flexible back. He had
+a face like a bird of prey&mdash;little round eyes, a receding chin, and an
+enormous hooked nose. It was scarcely possible to look at him without
+laughing, especially when one saw him for the first time. His
+apple-green coat glittered with a profusion of embroidery. His chest
+being too narrow to admit of a horizontal development of his
+decorations, he wore them in two columns, extending from his collar to
+his waist. When he approached the Grand Duke, with a self-satisfied
+simper and a jaunty air, his sword by his side, his cocked hat under his
+arm, nothing was wanting to complete the caricature.</p>
+
+<p>The Baroness Pippinstir was a total contrast to her husband. She was a
+pretty little woman of five-and-twenty, as plump as a partridge, with a
+lively eye, a nice figure, and an engaging smile. There was mischief in
+her glance, seduction in her dimples, and the rose&#8217;s tint upon her
+cheeks. Her dress was the only ridiculous thing about her. To come to
+court, the little Baroness had put on all the finery she could muster;
+she sailed into the hall under a cloud of ribbons, sparkling with jewels
+and fluttering with plumes&mdash;the loftiest of which, however, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 33]</a></span>scarcely
+reached to the shoulder of her lanky spouse.</p>
+
+<p>Completely identifying himself with his part of prime minister,
+Balthasar, as soon as this oddly-assorted pair appeared, decided upon
+his plan of campaign. His natural penetration told him the diplomatist&#8217;s
+weak point. He felt that the Baron, who was old and ugly, must be
+jealous of his wife, who was young and pretty. He was not mistaken.
+Pippinstir was as jealous as a tiger-cat. Recently married, the meagre
+diplomatist had not dared to leave his wife at Saxe-Tolpelhausen, for
+fear of accidents; he would not lose sight of her, and had brought her
+to Karlstadt in the arrogant belief that danger vanished in his
+presence.</p>
+
+<p>After exchanging a few diplomatic phrases with the ambassador, Balthasar
+took Colonel Florival aside and gave him secret instructions. The
+dashing officer passed his hand through his richly-curling locks,
+adjusted his splendid pelisse, and approached Baroness Pippinstir. The
+ambassadress received him graciously; the handsome colonel had already
+attracted her attention, and soon she was delighted with his wit and
+gallant speeches. Florival did not lack imagination, and his memory was
+stored with well-turned phrases and sentimental tirades, borrowed from
+stage-plays. He spoke half from inspiration, half from memory, and he
+was listened to with favour.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 34]</a></span></p><p>The conversation was carried on in French&mdash;for the best of reasons.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It is the custom here,&#8221; said the Grand Duke to the ambassador; &#8220;French
+is the only language spoken in this palace; it is a regulation I had
+some difficulty in enforcing, and I was at last obliged to decree that a
+heavy penalty should be paid for every German word spoken by a person
+attached to my court. That proved effectual, and you will not easily
+catch any of these ladies and gentlemen tripping. My prime minister,
+Count Balthasar von Lipandorf, is the only one who is permitted
+occasionally to speak his native language.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Balthasar, who had long managed theatres in Alsace and Lorraine, spoke
+German like a Frankfort brewer.</p>
+
+<p>Meanwhile, Baron Pippinstir&#8217;s uneasiness was extreme. Whilst his wife
+conversed in a low voice with the young and fascinating aide-de-camp,
+the pitiless prime minister held his arm tight, and explained at great
+length his views with respect to the famous commercial treaty. Caught in
+his own snare, the unlucky diplomatist was in agony; he fidgeted to get
+away, his countenance expressed grievous uneasiness, his lean legs were
+convulsively agitated. But in vain did he endeavour to abridge his
+torments; the remorseless Balthasar relinquished not his prey.</p>
+
+<p>Sigismund, promoted to be steward of the household, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 35]</a></span>announced dinner.
+The ambassador and his lady had been invited to dine, as well as all the
+courtiers. The aide-de-camp was placed next to the Baroness, the Baron
+at the other end of the table. The torture was prolonged. Florival
+continued to whisper soft nonsense to the fair and well-pleased
+Pippinstir. The diplomatist could not eat.</p>
+
+<p>There was another person present whom Florival&#8217;s flirtation annoyed, and
+that person was Delia, Countess of Rosenthal. After dinner, Balthasar,
+whom nothing escaped, took her aside.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You know very well,&#8221; said the minister, &#8220;that he is only acting a part
+in a comedy. Should you feel hurt if he declared his love upon the
+stage, to one of your comrades? Here it is the same thing; all this is
+but a play; when the curtain falls, he will return to you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>A courier announced that the Prince of Hanau and his sister were within
+a league of Karlstadt. The Grand Duke, attended by Count Reinsberg and
+some officers, went to meet them. It was dark when the illustrious
+guests reached the palace; they passed through the great saloon, where
+the whole court was assembled to receive them, and retired at once to
+their apartments.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The game is fairly begun,&#8221; said the Grand Duke to his prime minister;
+&#8220;and now, may heaven help us!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Fear nothing,&#8221; replied Balthasar. &#8220;The <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 36]</a></span>glimpse I caught of Prince
+Maximilian&#8217;s physiognomy satisfied me that everything will pass off
+perfectly well, and without exciting the least suspicion. As to Baron
+Pippinstir, he is already blind with jealousy, and Florival will give
+him so much to do, that he will have no time to attend to his master&#8217;s
+business. Things look well.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Next morning, the Prince and Princess of Hanau were welcomed, on
+awakening, by a serenade from the regimental band. The weather was
+beautiful; the Grand Duke proposed an excursion out of town; he was glad
+of an opportunity to show his guests the best features of his duchy&mdash;a
+delightful country, and many picturesque points of view, much prized and
+sketched by German landscape-painters. The proposal agreed to, the party
+set out, in carriages and on horseback, for the old Castle of
+Rauberzell&mdash;magnificent ruins, dating from the middle ages, and famous
+far and wide. At a short distance from the castle, which lifted its grey
+turrets upon the summit of a wooded hill, the Princess Wilhelmina
+expressed a wish to walk the remainder of the way. Everybody followed
+her example. The Grand Duke offered her his arm; the Prince gave his to
+the Countess Delia von Rosenthal; and, at a sign from Balthasar,
+Baroness Pastorale von Schicklick took possession of Baron Pippinstir;
+whilst the smiling Baroness accepted Florival&#8217;s escort. The young people
+walked at a brisk pace. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 37]</a></span>The unfortunate Baron would gladly have availed
+himself of his long legs to keep up with his coquettish wife; but the
+duenna, portly and ponderous, hung upon his arm, checked his ardour, and
+detained him in the rear. Respect for the mistress of the robes forbade
+rebellion or complaint.</p>
+
+<p>Amidst the ruins of the venerable castle, the distinguished party found
+a table spread with an elegant collation. It was an agreeable surprise,
+and the Grand Duke had all the credit of an idea suggested to him by his
+prime minister.</p>
+
+<p>The whole day was passed in rambling through the beautiful forest of
+Rauberzell. The Princess was charming; nothing could exceed the
+high-breeding of the courtiers, or the fascination and elegance of the
+ladies; and Prince Maximilian warmly congratulated the Grand Duke on
+having a court composed of such agreeable and accomplished persons.
+Baroness Pippinstir declared, in a moment of enthusiasm, that the court
+of Saxe-Tolpelhausen was not to compare with that of Niesenstein. She
+could hardly have said anything more completely at variance with the
+object of her husband&#8217;s mission. The Baron was near fainting.</p>
+
+<p>Like not a few of her countrywomen, the Princess Wilhelmina had a strong
+predilection for Parisian fashions. She admired everything that came
+from France; she spoke French perfectly, and greatly approved the Grand
+Duke&#8217;s decree, forbidding any <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 38]</a></span>other language to be spoken at his court.
+Moreover, there was nothing extraordinary in such a regulation; French
+is the language of all the northern courts. But she was greatly tickled
+at the notion of a fine being inflicted for a single German word. She
+amused herself by trying to catch some of the Grand Duke&#8217;s courtiers
+transgressing in this respect. Her labour was completely lost.</p>
+
+<p>That evening, at the palace, when conversation began to languish, the
+Chevalier Arpeggio sat down to the piano, and the Countess Delia von
+Rosenthal sang an air out of the last new opera. The guests were
+enchanted with her performance. Prince Maximilian had been extremely
+attentive to the Countess during their excursion; the young actress&#8217;s
+grace and beauty had captivated him, and the charm of her voice
+completed his subjugation. Passionately fond of music, every note she
+sang went to his very heart. When she had finished one song, he
+petitioned for another. The amiable prima donna sang a duet with the
+aide-de-camp Florival von Reinsberg, and then, being further entreated,
+a trio, in which Similor&mdash;master of the horse, barytone, and Baron von
+Kockemburg&mdash;took a part.</p>
+
+<p>Here our actors were at home, and their success was complete. Deviating
+from his usual reserve, Prince Maximilian did not disguise his delight;
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 39]</a></span>and the imprudent little Baroness Pippinstir declared that, with such a
+beautiful tenor voice, an aide-de-camp might aspire to anything. A
+cemetery on a wet day is a cheerful sight, compared to the Baron&#8217;s
+countenance when he heard these words.</p>
+
+<p>Upon the morrow, a hunting-party was the order of the day. In the
+evening there was a dance. It had been proposed to invite the principal
+families of the metropolis of Niesenstein, but the Prince and Princess
+begged that the circle might not be increased.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;We are four ladies,&#8221; said the Princess, glancing at the prima donna,
+the singing chambermaid, and the walking lady, &#8220;it is enough for a
+quadrille.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>There was no lack of gentlemen. There was the Grand Duke, the
+aide-de-camp, the grand chamberlain, the master of the horse, the
+gentleman-in-waiting, and Prince Maximilian&#8217;s aide-de-camp, Count Darius
+von Sturmhaube, who appeared greatly smitten by the charms of the
+widowed Baroness Allenzau.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am sorry my court is not more numerous,&#8221; said the Grand Duke, &#8220;but,
+within the last three days, I have been compelled to diminish it by
+one-half.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;How so?&#8221; inquired Prince Maximilian.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;A dozen courtiers,&#8221; replied the Grand Duke Leopold, &#8220;whom I had loaded
+with favours, dared <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 40]</a></span>conspire against me, in favour of a certain cousin
+of mine at Vienna. I discovered the plot, and the plotters are now in
+the dungeons of my good fortress of Zwingenberg.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well done!&#8221; cried the Prince; &#8220;I like such energy and vigour. And to
+think that people taxed you with weakness of character! How we princes
+are deceived and calumniated.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The Grand Duke cast a grateful glance at Balthasar. That able minister
+by this time felt himself as much at his ease in his new office as if he
+had held it all his life; he even began to suspect that the government
+of a grand-duchy is a much easier matter than the management of a
+company of actors. Incessantly engrossed by his master&#8217;s interests, he
+man&oelig;uvred to bring about the marriage which was to give the Grand
+Duke happiness, wealth, and safety; but, notwithstanding his skill,
+notwithstanding the torments with which he had filled the jealous soul
+of Pippinstir, the ambassador devoted the scanty moments of repose his
+wife left him to furthering the object of his mission. The alliance with
+Saxe-Tolpelhausen was pleasing to Prince Maximilian; it offered him
+various advantages: the extinction of an old law-suit between the two
+states, the cession of a large extent of territory, and, finally, the
+commercial treaty, which the perfidious Baron had brought to the court
+of Niesenstein, with a view of concluding <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 41]</a></span>it in favour of the
+principality of Hanau. Invested with unlimited powers, the diplomatist
+was ready to insert in the contract almost any conditions Prince
+Maximilian chose to dictate to him.</p>
+
+<p>It is necessary here to remark that the Elector of Saxe-Tolpelhausen was
+desperately in love with the Princess Wilhelmina.</p>
+
+<p>It was evident that the Baron would carry the day, if the prime minister
+did not hit upon some scheme to destroy his credit or force him to
+retreat. Balthasar, fertile in expedients, was teaching Florival his
+part in the palace garden, when Prince Maximilian met him, and requested
+a moment&#8217;s private conversation.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am at your Highness&#8217;s orders,&#8221; respectfully replied the minister.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I will go straight to the point, Count Lipandorf,&#8221; the Prince began. &#8220;I
+married my late wife, a princess of Hesse-Darmstadt, from political
+motives. She has left me three sons. I now intend to marry again; but
+this time I need not sacrifice myself to state considerations, and I am
+determined to consult my heart alone.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;If your Highness does me the honour to consult <i>me</i>, I have merely to
+say that you are perfectly justified in acting as you propose. After
+once sacrificing himself to his people&#8217;s happiness, a prince has surely
+a right to think a little of his own.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 42]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Exactly my opinion! Count, I will tell you a secret. I am in love with
+Miss von Rosenthal.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Miss Delia?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, sir; with Miss Delia, Countess of Rosenthal; and, what is more, I
+will tell you that <i>I know everything</i>.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What may it be that your Highness knows?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I know who she is.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ha!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It was a great secret!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And how came your Highness to discover it?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The Grand Duke revealed it to me.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I might have guessed as much!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;He alone could do so, and I rejoice that I addressed myself directly to
+him. At first, when I questioned him concerning the young Countess&#8217;s
+family, he ill concealed his embarrassment: her position struck me as
+strange; young, beautiful, and alone in the world, without relatives or
+guardians&mdash;all that seemed to me singular, if not suspicious. I
+trembled, as the possibility of an intrigue flashed upon me; but the
+Grand Duke, to dissipate my unfounded suspicion, told me all.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And what is your Highness&#8217;s decision?... After such a revelation&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It in no way changes my intentions. I shall marry the lady.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Marry her?... But no, your Highness jests.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 43]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Count Lipandorf, I never jest. What is there, then, so strange in my
+determination? The Grand Duke&#8217;s father was romantic, and of a roving
+disposition; in the course of his life he contracted several left-handed
+alliances&mdash;Miss von Rosenthal is the issue of one of those unions. I
+care not for the illegitimacy of her birth; she is of noble blood of a
+princely race&mdash;that is all I require.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes,&#8221; replied Balthasar, who had concealed his surprise and kept his
+countenance, as became an experienced statesman and consummate
+comedian&mdash;&#8220;Yes, I now understand; and I think as you do. Your Highness
+has the talent of bringing everybody over to your way of thinking.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The greatest piece of good fortune,&#8221; continued the Prince, &#8220;is that the
+mother remained unknown: she is dead, and there is no trace of family on
+that side.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;As your Highness says, it is very fortunate. And doubtless the Grand
+Duke is informed of your august intentions with respect to the proposed
+marriage?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No; I have as yet said nothing either to him or to the Countess. I
+reckon upon you, my dear Count, to make my offer, to whose acceptance I
+trust there will not be the slightest obstacle. I give you the rest of
+the day to arrange everything. I will write to Miss von Rosenthal; I
+hope to receive from her own lips the assurance of my <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 44]</a></span>happiness, and I
+will beg her to bring me her answer herself, this evening, in the
+summer-house in the park. Lover-like, you see&mdash;a rendezvous, a
+mysterious interview! But come, Count Lipandorf, lose no time; a double
+tie shall bind me to your sovereign. We will sign, at one and the same
+time, my marriage-contract and his. On that condition alone will I grant
+him my sister&#8217;s hand; otherwise I treat, this very evening, with the
+envoy from Saxe-Tolpelhausen.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>A quarter of an hour after Prince Maximilian had made this overture,
+Balthasar and Delia were closeted with the Grand Duke.</p>
+
+<p>What was to be done? The Prince of Hanau was noted for his obstinacy. He
+would have excellent reasons to oppose to all objections. To confess the
+deception that had been practised upon him was equivalent to a total and
+eternal rupture. But, upon the other hand, to leave him in his error, to
+suffer him to marry an actress! it was a serious matter. If ever he
+discovered the truth, it would be enough to raise the entire German
+Confederation against the Grand Duke of Niesenstein.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What is my prime minister&#8217;s opinion?&#8221; asked the Grand Duke.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;A prompt retreat. Delia must instantly quit the town; we will devise an
+explanation of her sudden departure.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 45]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Yes; and this evening Prince Maximilian will sign his sister&#8217;s
+marriage-contract with the Elector of Saxe-Tolpelhausen. My opinion is,
+that we have advanced too far to retreat. If the prince ever discovers
+the truth, he will be the person most interested to conceal it. Besides,
+Miss Delia is an orphan&mdash;she has neither parents nor family. I adopt
+her&mdash;I acknowledge her as my sister.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Your Highness&#8217;s goodness and condescension&mdash;&mdash;&#8221; lisped the pretty prima
+donna.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You agree with me, do you not, Miss Delia?&#8221; continued the Grand Duke.
+&#8220;You are resolved to seize the good fortune thus offered, and to risk
+the consequences?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, your Highness.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The ladies will make allowance for Delia&#8217;s faithlessness to Florival.
+How few female heads would not be turned by the prospect of wearing a
+crown! The heart&#8217;s voice is sometimes mute in presence of such brilliant
+temptations. Besides, was not Florival faithless? Who could say whither
+he might be led in the course of the tender scenes he acted with the
+Baroness Pippinstir? Prince Maximilian was neither young nor handsome,
+but he offered a throne. Not only an actress, but many a high-born dame,
+might possibly, in such circumstances, forget her love, and think only
+of her ambition.</p>
+
+<p>To her credit be it said, Delia did not yield without some reluctance to
+the Grand Duke&#8217;s arguments, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 46]</a></span>which Balthasar backed with all his
+eloquence; but she ended by agreeing to the interview with Prince
+Maximilian.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I accept,&#8221; she resolutely exclaimed; &#8220;I shall be sovereign Princess of
+Hanau.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And I,&#8221; cried the Grand Duke, &#8220;shall marry Princess Wilhelmina, and,
+this very evening, poor Pippinstir, disconcerted and defeated, will go
+back to Saxe-Tolpelhausen.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;He would have done that in any case,&#8221; said Balthasar; &#8220;for, this
+evening, Florival was to have run away with his wife.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That is carrying things rather far,&#8221; Delia remarked.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Such a scandal is unnecessary,&#8221; added the Grand Duke.</p>
+
+<p>Whilst awaiting the hour of her rendezvous with the Prince, Delia,
+pensive and agitated, was walking in the park, when she came suddenly
+upon Florival, who seemed as much discomposed as herself. In spite of
+her newly-born ideas of grandeur, she felt a pain at her heart. With a
+forced smile, and in a tone of reproach and irony, she greeted her
+former lover.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;A pleasant journey to you, Colonel Florival,&#8221; she said.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I may wish you the same,&#8221; replied Florival; &#8220;for doubtless you will
+soon set out for the principality of Hanau!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 47]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Before long, no doubt.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You admit it, then?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Where is the harm? The wife must follow her husband&mdash;a princess must
+reign in her dominions.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Princess! What do you mean? Wife! In what ridiculous promises have they
+induced you to confide?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Florival&#8217;s offensive doubts were dissipated by the formal explanation
+which Delia took malicious pleasure in giving him. A touching scene
+ensued; the lovers, who had both gone astray for a moment, felt their
+former flame burn all the more ardently for its partial and temporary
+extinction. Pardon was mutually asked and granted, and ambitious dreams
+fled before a burst of affection.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You shall see whether I love you or not,&#8221; said Florival to Delia.
+&#8220;Yonder comes Baron Pippinstir; I will take him into the summer-house; a
+closet is there, where you can hide yourself to hear what passes, and
+then you shall decide my fate.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Delia went into the summer-house, and hid herself in the closet. There
+she overheard the following conversation:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What have you to say to me, Colonel?&#8221; asked the Baron.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I wish to speak to your Excellency of an affair that deeply concerns
+you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am all attention; but I beg you to be brief; I am expected
+elsewhere.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 48]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;So am I.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I must go to the prime minister, to return him this draught of a
+commercial treaty, which I cannot accept.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And I must go to the rendezvous given me in this letter.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The Baroness&#8217;s writing!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, Baron. Your wife has done me the honour to write to me. We set out
+together to-night; the Baroness is waiting for me in a post-chaise.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And it is to me you dare acknowledge this abominable project?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am less generous than you think. You cannot but be aware that, owing
+to an irregularity in your marriage-contract, nothing would be easier
+than to get it annulled. This we will have done; we then obtain a
+divorce, and I marry the Baroness. You will, of course, have to hand me
+over her dowry&mdash;a million of florins&mdash;composing, if I do not mistake,
+your entire fortune.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The Baron, more dead than alive, sank into an arm-chair. He was struck
+speechless.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;We might, perhaps, make some arrangement, Baron,&#8221; continued Florival.
+&#8220;I am not particularly bent upon becoming your wife&#8217;s second husband.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ah, sir!&#8221; cried the ambassador, &#8220;you restore me to life!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, but I will not restore you the Baroness, except on certain
+conditions.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 49]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Speak! What do you demand?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;First, that treaty of commerce, which you must sign just as Count
+Lipandorf has drawn it up.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I consent to do so.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That is not all; you shall take my place at the rendezvous, get into
+the post-chaise, and run away with your wife; but first you must sit
+down at this table and write a letter, in due diplomatic form, to Prince
+Maximilian, informing him that, finding it impossible to accept his
+stipulations, you are compelled to decline, in your sovereign&#8217;s name,
+the honour of his august alliance.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But, Colonel, remember that my instructions&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Very well, fulfil them exactly; be a dutiful ambassador and a miserable
+husband, ruined, without wife and without dowry. You will never have
+such another chance, Baron! A pretty wife and a million of florins do
+not fall to a man&#8217;s lot twice in his life. But I must take my leave of
+you. I am keeping the Baroness waiting.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I will go to her.... Give me paper, a pen, and be so good as to
+dictate. I am so agitated&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The Baron really was in a dreadful fluster. The letter written, and the
+treaty signed, Florival told his Excellency where he would find the
+post-chaise.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;One thing more you must promise me,&#8221; said the young man, &#8220;and that is,
+that you will behave <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 50]</a></span>like a gentleman to your wife, and not scold her
+over-much. Remember the flaw in the contract. She may find somebody else
+in whose favour to cancel the document. Suitors will not be wanting.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What need of a promise?&#8221; replied the poor Baron. &#8220;You know very well
+that my wife does what she likes with me. I shall have to explain my
+conduct, and ask her pardon.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Pippinstir departed. Delia left her hiding-place, and held out her hand
+to Florival.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You have behaved well,&#8221; she said.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That is more than the Baroness will say.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;She deserves the lesson. It is your turn to go into the closet and
+listen; the Prince will be here directly.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I hear his footsteps.&#8221; And Florival was quickly concealed.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Charming Countess!&#8221; said the prince on entering. &#8220;I come to know my
+fate.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What does your Highness mean?&#8221; said Delia, pretending not to understand
+him.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;How can you ask? Has not the Grand Duke spoken to you?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No, your Highness.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Nor the prime minister?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Not a word. When I received your letter, I was on the point of asking
+you for a private interview. I have a favour&mdash;a service&mdash;to implore of
+your Highness.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 51]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;It is granted before it is asked. I place my whole influence and power
+at your feet, charming Countess.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;A thousand thanks, illustrious prince. You have already shown me so
+much kindness, that I venture to ask you to make a communication to my
+brother, the Grand Duke, which I dare not make myself. I want you to
+inform him that I have been for three months privately married to Count
+Reinsberg.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Good heavens!&#8221; cried Maximilian, falling into the arm-chair in which
+Pippinstir had recently reclined. On recovering from the shock, the
+prince rose again to his feet.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8217;Tis well, madam,&#8221; he said, in a faint voice. &#8220;&#8217;Tis well!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>And he left the summer-house.</p>
+
+<p>After reading Baron Pippinstir&#8217;s letter, Prince Maximilian fell
+a-thinking. It was not the Grand Duke&#8217;s fault if the Countess of
+Rosenthal did not ascend the throne of Hanau. There was an
+insurmountable obstacle. Then the precipitate departure of the
+ambassador of Saxe-Tolpelhausen was an affront which demanded instant
+vengeance. And the Grand Duke Leopold was a most estimable sovereign,
+skilful, energetic, and blessed with wise councillors; the Princess
+Wilhelmina liked him, and thought nothing could compare, for
+pleasantness, with his lively court, where all the men were amiable,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 52]</a></span>and all the women charming. These various motives duly weighed, the
+Prince made up his mind, and next day was signed the marriage-contract
+of the Grand Duke of Niesenstein and the Princess Wilhelmina of Hanau.</p>
+
+<p>Three days later the marriage itself was celebrated.</p>
+
+<p>The play was played out.</p>
+
+<p>The actors had performed their parts with wit, intelligence, and a noble
+disinterestedness. They took their leave of the Grand Duke, leaving him
+with a rich and pretty wife, a powerful brother-in-law, a serviceable
+alliance, and a commercial treaty which could not fail to replenish his
+treasury.</p>
+
+<p>Embassies, special missions, banishment, were alleged to the Grand
+Duchess as the causes of their departure. Then an amnesty was published
+on the occasion of the marriage; the gates of the fortress of
+Zwingenberg opened, and the former courtiers resumed their respective
+posts.</p>
+
+<p>The reviving fortunes of the Grand Duke were a sure guarantee of their
+fidelity.</p>
+
+<hr class="large" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 53]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="THE_OLD_GENTLEMANS_TEETOTUM" id="THE_OLD_GENTLEMANS_TEETOTUM"></a>THE OLD GENTLEMAN&#8217;S TEETOTUM.</h2>
+
+<h4>[<i>MAGA.</i> <span class="smcap">August 1829.</span>]</h4>
+
+<p class="n"><span style="float:left;font-size:40px;line-height:25px;padding-top:2px;padding-bottom:1px;">A</span>t the foot of the long range of the Mendip hills, standeth a village,
+which, for obvious reasons, we shall conceal the precise locality of, by
+bestowing thereon the appellation of Stockwell. It lieth in a nook, or
+indentation, of the mountain; and its population may be said, in more
+than one sense of the word, to be extremely dense, being confined within
+narrow limits by rocky and sterile ground, and a brawling stream, which
+ever and anon assumes the aspect of an impetuous river, and then
+dwindles away into a plaything for the little boys to hop over. The
+principal trade of the Stockwellites is in coals, which certain of the
+industrious operative natives sedulously employ themselves in extracting
+from our mother earth, while others are engaged in conveying the &#8220;black
+diamonds&#8221; to various adjacent towns, in carts of sundry shapes and
+dimensions. The horses engaged in this traffic are of the Rosinante
+species, and, too often, literally raw-boned; insomuch, that it is
+sometimes a grievous sight to see them tugging, and a woful thing <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 54]</a></span>to
+hear their masters swearing, when mounting a steep ascent with one of
+the aforesaid loads.</p>
+
+<p>Wherever a civilised people dwell, there must be trade; and,
+consequently, Stockwell hath its various artisans, who ply, each in his
+vocation, to supply the wants of others; and, moreover, it hath its inn,
+or public house, a place of no small importance, having for its sign a
+swinging creaking board, whereon is emblazoned the effigy of a roaring,
+red, and rampant Lion. High towering above the said Lion, are the
+branches of a solitary elm, the foot of which is encircled by a seat,
+especially convenient for those guests whose taste it is to &#8220;blow a
+cloud&#8221; in the open air; and it is of two individuals, who were much
+given thereon to enjoy their &#8220;<i>otium cum dignitate</i>,&#8221; that we are about
+to speak.</p>
+
+<p>George Syms had long enjoyed a monopoly in the shoemaking and cobbling
+line (though latterly two oppositionists had started against him), and
+Peter Brown was a man well to do in the world, being &#8220;the man wot&#8221; shod
+the raw-boned horses before mentioned, &#8220;him and his father, and
+grandfather,&#8221; as the parish-clerk said, &#8220;for time immemorial.&#8221; These two
+worthies were regaling themselves, as was their wonted custom, each with
+his pint, upon a small table, which was placed, for their accommodation,
+before the said bench. It was a fine evening in the last autumn; and we
+could say a great deal about the beautiful tints which the beams of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 55]</a></span>the
+setting sun shed upon the hills&#8217; side, and undulating distant outline,
+and how the clouds appeared of a fiery red, and, anon, of a pale yellow,
+had we leisure for description; but neither George Syms nor Peter Brown
+heeded these matters, and our present business is with them.</p>
+
+<p>They had discussed all the village news&mdash;the last half of the last pipe
+had been puffed in silence, and they were reduced to the dilemma wherein
+many a brace of intimate friends have found themselves&mdash;they had nothing
+to talk about. Each had observed three times that it was very hot, and
+each had responded three times&mdash;&#8220;Yes, it is.&#8221; They were at a perfect
+stand-still&mdash;they shook out the ashes from their pipes, and yawned
+simultaneously. They felt that indulgence, however grateful, is apt to
+cloy, even under the elm-tree, and the red rampant lion. But, as Doctor
+Watts says,</p>
+
+<div class="centerbox3 bbox"><p>&#8220;Satan finds some mischief still,<br />
+For idle hands to do,&#8221;</p></div>
+
+<p>and they agreed to have &#8220;another pint,&#8221; which Sally, who was ever ready
+at their bidding, brought forthwith, and then they endeavoured to rally;
+but the effort was vain&mdash;the thread of conversation was broken, and they
+could not connect it, and so they sipped and yawned, till Peter Brown
+observed, &#8220;It is getting dark.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Ay,&#8221; replied George Syms.</p>
+
+<p>At this moment an elderly stranger, of a shabby-genteel appearance,
+approached the Lion, and inquired <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 56]</a></span>the road to an adjoining village.
+&#8220;You are late, sir,&#8221; said George Syms.&mdash;&#8220;Yes,&#8221; replied the stranger, &#8220;I
+am;&#8221; and he threw himself on the bench, and took off his hat, and wiped
+his forehead, and observed, that it was very sultry, and he was quite
+tired.&mdash;&#8220;This is a good house,&#8221; said Peter Brown; &#8220;and if you are not
+obliged to go on, I wouldn&#8217;t if I were you.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;It makes little
+difference to me,&#8221; replied the stranger; &#8220;and so, as I find myself in
+good company, here goes!&#8221; and he began to call about him,
+notwithstanding his shabby appearance, with the air of one who has money
+in his pocket to pay his way.&mdash;&#8220;Three make good company,&#8221; observed Peter
+Brown.&mdash;&#8220;Ay, ay,&#8221; said the stranger. &#8220;Holla there! bring me another
+pint! This walk has made me confoundedly thirsty. You may as well make
+it a pot&mdash;and be quick!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Messrs Brown and Syms were greatly pleased with this additional guest at
+their symposium; and the trio sat and talked of the wind, and the
+weather, and the roads, and the coal trade, and drank and smoked to
+their hearts&#8217; content, till again time began to hang heavy, and then the
+stranger asked the two friends, if ever they played at teetotum.&mdash;&#8220;Play
+at what?&#8221; asked Peter Brown.&mdash;&#8220;Play at what?&#8221; inquired George Syms.&mdash;&#8220;At
+tee-to-tum,&#8221; replied the stranger, gravely taking a pair of spectacles
+from one pocket of his waistcoat, and the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 57]</a></span>machine in question from the
+other. &#8220;It is an excellent game, I assure you. Rare sport, my masters!&#8221;
+and he forthwith began to spin his teetotum upon the table, to the no
+small diversion of George Syms and Peter Brown, who opined that the
+potent ale of the ramping Red Lion had done its office. &#8220;Only see how
+the little fellow runs about!&#8221; cried the stranger, in apparent ecstasy.
+&#8220;Holla, there! Bring a lantern! There he goes, round and round&mdash;and now
+he&#8217;s asleep&mdash;and now he begins to reel&mdash;wiggle waggle&mdash;down he tumbles!
+What colour, for a shilling?&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;I don&#8217;t understand the game,&#8221; said Peter
+Brown.&mdash;&#8220;Nor I, neither,&#8221; quoth George Syms; &#8220;but it seems easy enough
+to learn.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Oh, ho!&#8221; said the stranger; &#8220;you think so, do you? But, let
+me tell you, that there&#8217;s a great deal more in it than you imagine.
+There he is, you see, with as many sides as a modern politician, and as
+many colours as an Algerine. Come, let us have a game! This is the way!&#8221;
+and he again set the teetotum in motion, and capered about in exceeding
+glee.&mdash;&#8220;He, he, he!&#8221; uttered George Syms; and &#8220;Ha, ha, ha!&#8221; exclaimed
+Peter Brown; and, being wonderfully tickled with the oddity of the
+thing, they were easily persuaded by the stranger just to take a game
+together for five minutes, while he stood by as umpire, with a
+stop-watch in his hand.</p>
+
+<p>Nothing can be much easier than spinning a teetotum, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 58]</a></span>yet our two
+Stockwellites could scarcely manage the thing for laughing; but the
+stranger stood by, with spectacles on nose, looking alternately at his
+watch and the table, with as much serious interest as though he had been
+witnessing, and was bound to furnish, a report of a prize-fight, or a
+debate in the House of Commons.</p>
+
+<p>When precisely five minutes had elapsed, although it was Peter Brown&#8217;s
+spin, and the teetotum was yet going its rounds, and George Syms had
+called out yellow, the old gentleman demurely took it from the table and
+put it in his pocket; and then, returning his watch to his fob, walked
+away into the Red Lion, without saying so much as good-night. The two
+friends looked at each other in surprise, and then indulged in a very
+loud and hearty fit of laughter; and then paid their reckoning, and went
+away, exceedingly merry, which they would not have been, had they
+understood properly what they had been doing.</p>
+
+<p>In the meanwhile the stranger had entered the house, and began to be
+&#8220;very funny&#8221; with Mrs Philpot, the landlady of the Red Lion, and Sally,
+the purveyor of beer to the guests thereof; and he found it not very
+difficult to persuade them likewise to take a game at teetotum for five
+minutes, which he terminated in the same unceremonious way as that under
+the tree, and then desired to be shown the room wherein he was to sleep.
+Mrs Philpot <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 59]</a></span>immediately, contrary to her usual custom, jumped up with
+great alacrity, lighted a candle, and conducted her guest to his
+apartment; while Sally, contrary to <i>her</i> usual custom, reclined herself
+in her mistress&#8217;s great arm-chair, yawned three or four times, and then
+exclaimed, &#8220;Heigho! it&#8217;s getting very late! I wish my husband would come
+home!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Now, although we have a very mean opinion of those who cannot keep a
+secret of importance, we are not fond of useless mysteries, and
+therefore think proper to tell the reader that the teetotum in question
+had the peculiar property of causing those who played therewith to lose
+all remembrance of their former character, and to adopt that of their
+antagonists in the game. During the process of spinning, the personal
+identity of the two players was completely changed. Now, on the evening
+of this memorable day, Jacob Philpot, the landlord of the rampant Red
+Lion, had spent a few convivial hours with mine host of the Blue Boar, a
+house on the road-side, about two miles from Stockwell; and the two
+publicans had discussed the ale, grog, and tobacco in the manner
+customary with Britons, whose insignia are roaring rampant red lions,
+green dragons, blue boars, &amp;c. Therefore, when Jacob came home, he began
+to call about him, with the air of one who purposeth that his arrival
+shall be no secret; and very agreeably surprised was he when Mrs Philpot
+ran out from the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 60]</a></span>house, and assisted him to dismount, for Jacob was
+somewhat rotund; and yet more did he marvel when, instead of haranguing
+him in a loud voice (as she had whilom done on similar occasions,
+greatly to his discomfiture), she good-humouredly said that she would
+lead his nag to the stable, and then go and call Philip the ostler.
+&#8220;Humph!&#8221; said the host of the Lion, leaning with his back against the
+door-post, &#8220;after a calm comes a storm. She&#8217;ll make up for this
+presently, I&#8217;ll warrant.&#8221; But Mrs Philpot put up the horse, and called
+Philip, and then returned in peace and quietness, and attempted to pass
+into the house, without uttering a word to her lord and master.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What&#8217;s the matter with you, my dear?&#8221; asked Jacob Philpot; &#8220;a&#8217;n&#8217;t you
+well?&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Yes, sir,&#8221; replied Mrs Philpot, &#8220;very well, I thank you. But
+pray take away your leg, and let me go into the house.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;But didn&#8217;t you
+think I was very late?&#8221; asked Jacob.&mdash;&#8220;Oh! I don&#8217;t know,&#8221; replied Mrs
+Philpot; &#8220;when gentlemen get together, they don&#8217;t think how time goes.&#8221;
+Poor Jacob was quite delighted, and, as it was dusk, and by no means, as
+he conceived, a scandalous proceeding, he forthwith put one arm round
+Mrs Philpot&#8217;s neck, and stole a kiss, whereat she said, &#8220;Oh dear me! how
+could you think of doing such a thing?&#8221; and immediately squeezed herself
+past him, and ran into the house, where Sally sat, in the arm-chair
+before mentioned, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 61]</a></span>with a handkerchief over her head, pretending to be
+asleep.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Come, my dear,&#8221; said Jacob to his wife, &#8220;I&#8217;m glad to see you in such
+good-humour. You shall make me a glass of rum and water, and take some
+of it yourself.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;I must go into the back kitchen for some water,
+then,&#8221; replied his wife, and away she ran, and Jacob followed her,
+marvelling still more at her unusual alacrity. &#8220;My dear,&#8221; quoth he, &#8220;I
+am sorry to give you so much trouble,&#8221; and again he put his arm round
+her neck. &#8220;La, sir!&#8221; she cried, &#8220;if you don&#8217;t let me go, I&#8217;ll call out,
+I declare.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;He, he&mdash;ha, ha!&#8221; said Jacob; &#8220;call out! that&#8217;s a good one,
+however! a man&#8217;s wife calling out because her husband&#8217;s a-going to kiss
+her!&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;What do you mean?&#8221; asked Mrs Philpot; &#8220;I&#8217;m sure it&#8217;s a shame to
+use a poor girl so!&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;A poor girl!&#8221; exclaimed the landlord, &#8220;ahem! was
+once, mayhap.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;I don&#8217;t value your insinivations <i>that</i>,&#8221; said Mrs
+Philpot, snapping her fingers; &#8220;I wonder what you take me for!&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;So
+ho!&#8221; thought her spouse, &#8220;she&#8217;s come to herself now; I thought it was
+all a sham; but I&#8217;ll coax her a bit;&#8221; so he fell in with her apparent
+whim, and called her a good girl; but still she resisted his advances,
+and asked him what he took her for. &#8220;Take you for!&#8221; cried Jacob, &#8220;why,
+for my own dear Sally to be sure, so don&#8217;t make any more fuss.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;I have
+a great mind to run out of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 62]</a></span>the house,&#8221; said she, &#8220;and never enter it
+any more.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>This threat gave no sort of alarm to Jacob, but it somewhat tickled his
+fancy, and he indulged himself in a very hearty laugh, at the end of
+which he good-humouredly told her to go to bed, and he would follow her
+presently, as soon as he had looked after his horse, and pulled off his
+boots. This proposition was no sooner made, than the good man&#8217;s ears
+were suddenly grasped from behind, and his head was shaken and twisted
+about, as though it had been the purpose of the assailant to wrench it
+from his shoulders. Mrs Philpot instantly made her escape from the
+kitchen, leaving her spouse in the hands of the enraged Sally, who,
+under the influence of the teetotum delusion, was firmly persuaded that
+she was justly inflicting wholesome discipline upon her husband, whom
+she had, as she conceived, caught in the act of making love to the maid.
+Sally was active and strong, and Jacob Philpot was, as before hinted,
+somewhat obese, and, withal, not in excellent &#8220;wind;&#8221; consequently it
+was some time ere he could disengage himself; and then he stood panting
+and blowing, and utterly lost in astonishment, while Sally saluted him
+with divers appellations, which it would not be seemly here to set down.</p>
+
+<p>When Jacob did find his tongue, however, he answered her much in the
+same style; and added, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 63]</a></span>that he had a great mind to lay a stick about
+her back. &#8220;What! strike a woman! Eh&mdash;would you, you coward?&#8221; and
+immediately she darted forward, and, as she termed it, put her mark upon
+him with her nails, whereby his rubicund countenance was greatly
+disfigured, and his patience entirely exhausted: but Sally was too
+nimble, and made her escape up-stairs. So the landlord of the Red Lion,
+having got rid of the two mad or drunken women, very philosophically
+resolved to sit down for half an hour by himself, to think over the
+business, while he took his &#8220;night-cap.&#8221; He had scarcely brewed the
+ingredients, when he was roused by a rap at the window; and, in answer
+to his inquiry of &#8220;who&#8217;s there?&#8221; he recognised the voice of his
+neighbour, George Syms, and, of course, immediately admitted him; for
+George was a good customer, and, consequently, welcome at all hours. &#8220;My
+good friend,&#8221; said Syms, &#8220;I daresay you are surprised to see me here at
+this time of night; but I can&#8217;t get into my own house. My wife is drunk,
+I believe.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;And so is mine,&#8221; quoth the landlord; &#8220;so, sit you down and
+make yourself comfortable. Hang me if I think I&#8217;ll go to bed to-night!&#8221;
+&#8220;No more will I,&#8221; said Syms; &#8220;I&#8217;ve got a job to do early in the morning,
+and then I shall be ready for it.&#8221; So the two friends sat down, and had
+scarcely begun to enjoy themselves, when another rap was heard at the
+window, and mine host recognised the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 64]</a></span>voice of Peter Brown, who came
+with the same complaint against his wife, and was easily persuaded to
+join the party, each declaring that the women must have contrived to
+meet, during their absence from home, and all get fuddled together.
+Matters went on pleasantly enough for some time, while they continued to
+rail against the women; but, when that subject was exhausted, George
+Syms, the shoemaker, began to talk about shoeing horses; and Peter
+Brown, the blacksmith, averred that he could make a pair of jockey boots
+with any man for fifty miles round. The host of the rampant Red Lion
+considered these things at first as a sort of joke, which he had no
+doubt, from such good customers, was exceedingly good, though he could
+not exactly comprehend it; but when Peter Brown answered to the name of
+George Syms, and George Syms responded to that of Peter Brown, he was
+somewhat more bewildered, and could not help thinking that his guests
+had drunk quite enough. He, however, satisfied himself with the
+reflection that that was no business of his, and that &#8220;a man must live
+by his trade.&#8221; With the exception of these apparent occasional cross
+purposes, conversation went on as well as could be expected under
+existing circumstances; and the three unfortunate husbands sat and
+talked, and drank, and smoked, till tired nature cried, &#8220;Hold, enough!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>In the meanwhile, Mrs George Syms, who had <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 65]</a></span>been much scandalised at the
+appearance of Peter Brown beneath her bedroom window, whereinto he
+vehemently solicited admittance, altogether in the most public and
+unblushing manner; she, poor soul! lay for an hour much disturbed in her
+mind, and pondering on the extreme impropriety of Mr Brown&#8217;s conduct,
+and its probable consequences. She then began to wonder where her own
+goodman could be staying so late; and after much tossing and tumbling to
+and fro, being withal a woman of a warm imagination, she discerned in
+her mind&#8217;s eye divers scenes which might probably be then acting, and in
+which George Syms appeared to be taking a part that did not at all meet
+her approbation. Accordingly she arose, and throwing her garments about
+her with a degree of elegant negligence for which the ladies of
+Stockwell have long been celebrated, she incontinently went to the house
+of Peter Brown, at whose bedroom window she perceived a head. With the
+intuitive knowledge of costume possessed by ladies in general, she
+instantly, through the murky night, discovered that the cap on the said
+head was of the female gender; and therefore boldly went up thereunto
+and said, &#8220;Mrs Brown, have you seen anything of my husband?&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;What!&#8221;
+exclaimed Mrs Brown, &#8220;haven&#8217;t <i>you</i> seen him? Well, I&#8217;d have you see
+after him pretty quickly, for he was here, just where you stand now,
+more than two hours ago, talking all <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 66]</a></span>manner of nonsense to me, and
+calling me his dear Betsy, so that I was quite ashamed of him! But,
+howsomever, you needn&#8217;t be uneasy about me, for you know I wouldn&#8217;t do
+anything improper on no account. But have you seen anything of my
+Peter?&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;I <i>believe</i> I have,&#8221; replied Mrs Syms, and immediately related
+the scandalous conduct of the smith beneath her window; and then the two
+ladies agreed to sally forth in search of their two &#8220;worthless,
+good-for-nothing, drunken husbands.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Now it is a custom with those who get their living by carrying coal,
+when they are about to convey it to any considerable distance, to
+commence their journey at such an hour as to reach the first turnpike a
+little after midnight, that they may be enabled to go out and return
+home within the twenty-four hours, and thus save the expense of the
+toll, which they would otherwise have to pay twice. This is the secret
+of those apparently lazy fellows whom the Bath ladies and dandies
+sometimes view with horror and surprise, sleeping in the day-time, in,
+on, or under carts, benches, or waggons. It hath been our lot, when in
+the city of waters, to hear certain of these theoretical &#8220;political
+economists&#8221; remark somewhat harshly on this mode of taking a siesta. We
+should recommend them henceforth to attend to the advice of Peter
+Pindar, and&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 67]</a></span></p><div class="centerbox4 bbox"><p>&#8220;Mind what they read in godly books,<br />
+And not take people by their looks;&#8221;</p></div>
+
+<p>for they would not be pleased to be judged in that manner themselves;
+and the poor fellows in question have generally been travelling all
+night, not in a mail-coach, but walking over rough roads, and assisting
+their weary and overworked cavalry up and down a succession of steep
+hills.</p>
+
+<p>In consequence of this practice, the two forsaken matrons encountered
+Moses Brown, a first cousin of Peter&#8217;s, who had just despatched his
+waggoner on a commercial enterprise of the description just alluded to.
+Moses had heard voices as he passed the Lion; and being somewhat of a
+curious turn, had discovered, partly by listening, and partly by the aid
+of certain cracks, holes, and ill-fitting joints in the shutters, who
+the gentlemen were whose goodwill and pleasure it was &#8220;to vex the dull
+ear of night&#8221; with their untimely mirth. Moses, moreover, was a meek
+man, and professed to be extremely sorry for the two good women who had
+two such roaring, rattling blades for their husbands: for, by this time,
+the bacchanalians, having exhausted their conversational powers, had
+commenced a series of songs. So, under his guidance, the ladies
+reconnoitred the drunken trio through the cracks, holes, and ill-fitting
+joints aforesaid.</p>
+
+<p>Poor George Syms was by this time regularly &#8220;done up,&#8221; and dozing in his
+chair; but Peter <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 68]</a></span>Brown, the smith, was still in his glory, and singing
+in no small voice a certain song, which was by no means fitting to be
+chanted in the ear of his spouse. As for Jacob Philpot, the landlord, he
+sat erect in his chair with the dogged resolution of a man who feels
+that he is at his post, and is determined to be &#8220;no starter.&#8221; At this
+moment Sally made her appearance in the room, in the same sort of
+dishabille as that worn by the ladies at the window, and commenced a
+very unceremonious harangue to George Syms and Peter Brown, telling them
+that they ought to be ashamed of themselves not to have been at home
+hours ago; &#8220;as for this fellow,&#8221; said she, giving poor Philpot a
+tremendous box on the ear, &#8220;I&#8217;ll make him remember it, I&#8217;ll warrant.&#8221;
+Jacob hereupon arose in great wrath; but ere he could ascertain
+precisely the exact centre of gravity, Sally settled his position by
+another cuff, which made his eyes twinkle, and sent him reeling back
+into his seat. Seeing these things, the ladies without began, as
+fox-hunters say, to &#8220;give tongue,&#8221; and vociferously demanded admittance;
+whereupon Mrs Philpot put her head out from a window above, and told
+them that she would be down and let them in in a minute, and that it was
+a great pity gentlemen should ever get too much beer: and then she
+popped in her head, and in less than the stipulated time, ran down
+stairs and opened the street door; and so the wives <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 69]</a></span>were admitted to
+their delinquent husbands; but meek Moses Brown went his way, having a
+wife at home, and having no desire to abide the storm which he saw was
+coming.</p>
+
+<p>Peter Brown was, as we said before, in high feather; and therefore, when
+he saw Mrs Syms, whom he (acting under the teetotum delusion) mistook
+for the wife of his own particular bosom, he gaily accosted her, &#8220;Ah,
+old girl!&mdash;Is it you? What! you&#8217;ve come to your senses, eh? slept it
+off, I suppose. Well, well; never mind! Forgive and forget, I say. I
+never saw you so before, I will say <i>that</i> for you, however. So give us
+a buss, old girl! and let us go home;&#8221; and without ceremony he began to
+suit the action to the word, whereupon the real Mrs Brown flew to Mrs
+Syms&#8217; assistance, and by hanging round Peter&#8217;s neck, enabled her friend
+to escape. Mrs Syms, immediately she was released, began to shake up her
+drowsy George, who, immediately he opened his eyes, scarcely knowing
+where he was, marvelled much to find himself thus handled by, as he
+supposed, his neighbour&#8217;s wife; but with the maudlin cunning of a
+drunken man, he thought it was an excellent joke, and therefore threw
+his arms round her, and began to hug her with a wondrous and unusual
+degree of fondness, whereby the poor woman was much affected, and called
+him her dear George, and said she knew it was not his fault, but <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 70]</a></span>&#8220;all
+along of that brute,&#8221; pointing to Peter Brown, that he had drunk himself
+into such a state. &#8220;Come along, my dear,&#8221; she concluded, &#8220;let us go and
+leave him&mdash;I don&#8217;t care if I never see him any more.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The exasperation of Peter Brown, at seeing and hearing, as he imagined,
+his own wife act and speak in this shameful manner before his face, may
+be &#8220;more easily imagined than described;&#8221; but his genuine wife, who
+belonged, as he conceived, to the drunken man, hung so close about his
+neck that he found it impossible to escape. George Syms, however, was
+utterly unable to rise, and sat, with an idiot-like simper upon his
+face, as if giving himself up to a pleasing delusion, while his wife was
+patting, and coaxing, and wheedling him in every way, to induce him to
+get upon his legs and try to go home. At length, as he vacantly stared
+about, he caught a glimpse of Mrs Brown, whom, to save repetition, we
+may as well call his teetotum wife, hanging about his neighbour&#8217;s neck.
+This sight effectually roused him, and before Mrs Syms was aware of his
+intention, he started up and ran furiously at Peter Brown, who received
+him much in the manner that might be expected, with a salutation in &#8220;the
+bread-basket,&#8221; which sent him reeling on the floor. As a matter of
+course, Mrs Syms took the part of her fallen husband, and put her mark
+upon Mr Peter Brown; and, as a matter of course, Mrs Peter Brown <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 71]</a></span>took
+the part of her spouse, and commenced an attack on Mrs Syms.</p>
+
+<p>In the meanwhile Sally had not been idle. After chastening Jacob Philpot
+to her heart&#8217;s content, she, with the assistance of Mrs Philpot and
+Philip the hostler, who was much astonished to hear her &#8220;order the
+mistress about,&#8221; conveyed him up-stairs, where he was deposited, as he
+was, upon a spare bed, to &#8220;take his chance,&#8221; as she said, &#8220;and sleep off
+his drunken fit.&#8221; Sally then returned to the scene of strife, and
+desired the &#8220;company&#8221; to go about their business, for she should not
+allow anything more to be &#8220;called for&#8221; that night. Having said this with
+an air of authority, she left the room; and though Mrs Syms and Mrs
+Brown were greatly surprised thereat, they said nothing, inasmuch as
+they were somewhat ashamed of their own appearance, and had matters of
+more importance than Sally&#8217;s eccentricity to think of, as Mrs Syms had
+been cruelly wounded in her new shawl, which she had imprudently thrown
+over her shoulders; and the left side of the lace on Mrs Brown&#8217;s cap had
+been torn away in the recent conflict. Mrs Philpot, enacting her part as
+the teetotum Sally of the night, besought the ladies to go home, and
+leave the gentlemen to sleep where they were&mdash;<i>i.e.</i> upon the
+floor&mdash;till the morning: for Peter Brown, notwithstanding the noise he
+had made, was as incapable of standing as the quieter George Syms. So
+the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 72]</a></span>women dragged them into separate corners of the room, placed
+pillows under their heads, and threw a blanket over each, and then left
+them to repose. The two disconsolate wives each forthwith departed to
+her own lonely pillow, leaving Mrs Philpot particularly puzzled at the
+deference with which they had treated her, by calling her &#8220;Madam,&#8221; as if
+she was mistress of the house.</p>
+
+<p>Leaving them all to their slumbers, we must now say a word or two about
+the teetotum, the properties of which were to change people&#8217;s
+characters, spinning the mind of one man or woman into the body of
+another. The duration of the delusion, caused by this droll game of the
+old gentleman&#8217;s, depended upon the length of time spent in the
+diversion; and five minutes was the specific period for causing it to
+last till the next sunrise or sunset <i>after</i> the change had been
+effected. Therefore, when the morning came, Mrs Philpot and Sally, and
+Peter Brown and George Syms, all came to their senses. The two latter
+went quietly home, with aching heads and very confused recollections of
+the preceding evening; and shortly after their departure Mrs Philpot
+awoke in great astonishment at finding herself in the garret; and Sally
+was equally surprised, and much alarmed, at finding herself in her
+mistress&#8217;s room, from which she hastened in quick time, leaving all
+things in due order.</p>
+
+<p>The elderly stranger made his appearance soon <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 73]</a></span>after, and appeared to
+have brushed up his shabby-genteel clothes, for he really looked much
+more respectable than on the preceding evening. He ordered his
+breakfast, and sat down thereto very quietly, and asked for the
+newspaper, and pulled out his spectacles, and began to con the politics
+of the day much at his ease, no one having the least suspicion that he
+and his teetotum had been the cause of all the uproar at the Red Lion.
+In due time the landlord made his appearance, with sundry marks of
+violence upon his jolly countenance, and, after due obeisance made to
+his respectable-looking guest, took the liberty of telling his spouse
+that he should insist upon her sending Sally away, for that he had never
+been so mauled since he was born; but Mrs Philpot told him that he ought
+to be ashamed of himself, and she was very glad the girl had spirit
+enough to protect herself, and that she wouldn&#8217;t part with her on any
+account. She then referred to what had passed in the back kitchen,
+taking to herself the credit of having inflicted that punishment which
+had been administered by the hands of Sally.</p>
+
+<p>Jacob Philpot was now more than ever convinced that his wife had been
+paying her respects to a huge stone bottle of rum which stood in the
+closet; and he &#8220;made bold&#8221; to tell her his thoughts, whereat Mrs Philpot
+thought fit to put herself into a tremendous passion, although she could
+not help fearing <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 74]</a></span>that, perhaps, she might have taken a drop too much of
+something, for she was unable, in any other manner, to account for
+having slept in the garret.</p>
+
+<p>The elderly stranger now took upon himself to recommend mutual
+forgiveness, and stated that it was really quite pardonable for any one
+to take a little too much of such very excellent ale as that at the Red
+Lion. &#8220;For my own part,&#8221; said he, &#8220;I don&#8217;t know whether I didn&#8217;t get a
+trifle beyond the mark myself last night. But I hope, madam, I did not
+annoy you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh dear, no, not at all, sir,&#8221; replied Mrs Philpot, whose good-humour
+was restored at this compliment paid to the good cheer of the Lion; &#8220;you
+were exceedingly pleasant, I assure you&mdash;just enough to make you funny:
+we had a hearty laugh about the teetotum, you know.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Ah!&#8221; said the
+stranger, &#8220;I guess how it was then. I always introduce the teetotum when
+I want to be merry.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Jacob Philpot expressed a wish to understand the game, and after
+spinning it two or three times, proposed to take his chance, for five
+minutes, with the stranger; but the latter, laughing heartily, would by
+no means agree with the proposition, and declared that it would be
+downright cheating, as he was an overmatch for any beginner. &#8220;However,&#8221;
+he continued, &#8220;as soon as any of your neighbours come in, I&#8217;ll put you
+in the way of it, and we&#8217;ll have some of your ale now, just to pass <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 75]</a></span>the
+time. It will do neither of us any harm after last night&#8217;s affair, and I
+want to have some talk with you about the coal trade.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>They accordingly sat down together, and the stranger displayed
+considerable knowledge in the science of mining; and Jacob was so much
+delighted with his companion, that an hour or two slipped away, as he
+said, &#8220;in no time;&#8221; and then there was heard the sound of a horse&#8217;s feet
+at the door, and a somewhat authoritative hillo!</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It is our parson,&#8221; said Jacob, starting up, and he ran to the door to
+inquire what might be his reverence&#8217;s pleasure. &#8220;Good morning,&#8221; said the
+Reverend Mr Stanhope. &#8220;I&#8217;m going over to dine with our club at the Old
+Boar, and I want you just to cast your eye on those fellows in my home
+close; you can see them out of your parlour window.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Yes, to be sure,
+sir,&#8221; replied Jacob.&mdash;&#8220;Hem!&#8221; quoth Mr Stanhope, &#8220;have you anybody
+indoors?&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Yes, sir, we have,&#8221; replied Jacob, &#8220;a strange gentleman, who
+seems to know a pretty deal about mining and them sort of things. I
+think he&#8217;s some great person in disguise; he seems regularly
+edicated&mdash;up to everything,&#8221; &#8220;Eh, ah! a great person in disguise!&#8221;
+exclaimed Mr Stanhope. &#8220;I&#8217;ll just step in a minute. It seems as if there
+was a shower coming over, and I&#8217;m in no hurry, and it is not worth while
+to get wet through for the sake of a few minutes.&#8221; So he alighted from
+his <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 76]</a></span>horse, soliloquising to himself, &#8220;Perhaps the Lord Chancellor! Who
+knows? However, I shall take care to show my principles;&#8221; and
+straightway he went into the house, and was most respectfully saluted by
+the elderly stranger; and they entered into a conversation upon the
+standing English topics of weather, wind, crops, and the coal trade; and
+Mr Stanhope contrived to introduce therein sundry unkind things against
+the Pope and all his followers; and avowed himself a stanch
+&#8220;church-and-king&#8221; man, and spake enthusiastically of our &#8220;glorious
+constitution,&#8221; and lauded divers individuals then in power, but more
+particularly those who studied the true interests of the Church, by
+seeking out and preferring men of merit and talent to fill vacant
+benefices. The stranger thereat smiled significantly, as though he
+could, if he felt disposed, say something to the purpose; and Mr
+Stanhope felt more inclined than ever to think the landlord might have
+conjectured very near the truth, and, consequently, redoubled his
+efforts to make the agreeable, professing his regret at being obliged to
+dine out that day, &amp;c. The stranger politely thanked him for his
+consideration, and stated that he was never at a loss for employment,
+and that he was then rambling, for a few days, to relax his mind from
+the fatigues of an overwhelming mass of important business, to which his
+duty compelled him to attend early and late. &#8220;Perhaps,&#8221; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 77]</a></span>he continued,
+&#8220;you will smile when I tell you that I am now engaged in a series of
+experiments relative to the power of the centrifugal force, and its
+capacity of overcoming various degrees of friction.&#8221; (Here he produced
+the teetotum.) &#8220;You perceive the different surfaces of the under edge of
+this little thing. The outside, you see, is all of ivory, but indented
+in various ways; and yet I have not been able to decide whether the
+roughest or smoothest more frequently arrest its motions. The colours,
+of course, are merely indications. Here is my register,&#8221; and he produced
+a book, wherein divers abstruse mathematical calculations were apparent.
+&#8220;I always prefer other people to spin it, as then I obtain a variety of
+impelling power. Perhaps you will do me the favour just to twirl it
+round a few times alternately with the landlord? Two make a fairer
+experiment than one. Just for five minutes. I&#8217;ll not trouble you a
+moment longer, I promise you.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Hem!&#8221; thought Mr Stanhope.</p>
+
+<div class="centerbox3 bbox"><p>&#8220;Learned men, now and then,<br />
+Have very strange vagaries!&#8221;</p></div>
+
+<p>However, he commenced spinning the teetotum, turn and turn with Jacob
+Philpot, who was highly delighted both with the drollery of the thing,
+and the honour of playing with the parson of the parish, and laughed
+most immoderately, while the stranger stood by, looking at his
+stop-watch as demurely as on the preceding evening, until the five
+minutes <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 78]</a></span>had expired; and then, in the middle of the Rev. Mr Stanhope&#8217;s
+spin, he took up the little toy and put it into his pocket.</p>
+
+<p>Jacob Philpot immediately arose, and shook the stranger warmly by the
+hand, and told him that he should be happy to see him whenever he came
+that way again; and then nodding to Mr Stanhope and the landlady, went
+out at the front door, mounted the horse that stood there, and rode
+away. &#8220;Where&#8217;s the fellow going?&#8221; cried Mrs Philpot; &#8220;Hillo! Jacob, I
+say!&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Well, mother,&#8221; said the Reverend Mr Stanhope, &#8220;what&#8217;s the matter
+now?&#8221; but Mrs Philpot had reached the front of the house, and continued
+to shout &#8220;Hillo! hillo, come back, I tell you!&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;That woman is always
+doing some strange thing or other,&#8221; observed Mr Stanhope to the
+stranger. &#8220;What on earth can possess her to go calling after the parson
+in that manner?&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;I declare he&#8217;s rode off with Squire Jones&#8217;s horse,&#8221;
+cried Mrs Philpot, re-entering the house. &#8220;To be sure he has,&#8221; said Mr
+Stanhope; &#8220;he borrowed it on purpose to go to the Old Boar.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Did he?&#8221;
+exclaimed the landlady; &#8220;and without telling me a word about it! But
+I&#8217;ll Old Boar him, I promise you!&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Don&#8217;t make such a fool of yourself,
+mother,&#8221; said the parson; &#8220;it can&#8217;t signify twopence to you where he
+goes.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Can&#8217;t it?&#8221; rejoined Mrs Philpot. &#8220;I&#8217;ll tell you what, your
+worship&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Don&#8217;t worship me, woman,&#8221; exclaimed the teetotum landlord
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 79]</a></span>parson; &#8220;worship! what nonsense now! Why, you&#8217;ve been taking your drops
+again this morning, I think. Worship, indeed! To be sure, I did once,
+like a fool, promise to worship <i>you</i>; but if my time was to come over
+again, I know what&mdash;&mdash;But, never mind now&mdash;don&#8217;t you see it&#8217;s twelve
+o&#8217;clock? Come, quick, let us have what there is to eat, and then we&#8217;ll
+have a comfortable pipe under the tree. What say you, sir?&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;With all
+my heart,&#8221; replied the elderly stranger. Mrs Philpot could make nothing
+of the parson&#8217;s speech about worshipping her; but the order for
+something to eat was very distinct; and though she felt much surprised
+thereat, as well as at the proposed smoking under the tree, she,
+nevertheless, was much gratified that so unusual an order should be
+given on that particular day, as she had a somewhat better dinner than
+usual, namely, a leg of mutton upon the spit. Therefore she bustled
+about with exceeding goodwill, and Sally spread a clean cloth upon the
+table in the little parlour for the parson and the strange old
+gentleman; and when the mutton was placed upon the table, the latter
+hoped they should have the pleasure of Mrs Philpot&#8217;s company; but she
+looked somewhat doubtfully till the parson said, &#8220;Come, come, mother,
+don&#8217;t make a bother about it; sit down, can&#8217;t you, when the gentleman
+bids you.&#8221; Therefore she smoothed her apron and made one at the
+dinner-table, and conducted herself <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 80]</a></span>with so much precision that the
+teetotum parson looked upon her with considerable surprise, while she
+regarded him with no less, inasmuch as he talked in a very unclerical
+manner; and, among other strange things, swore that his wife was as
+&#8220;drunk as blazes&#8221; the night before, and winked at her, and behaved
+altogether in a style very unbecoming a minister in his own parish.</p>
+
+<p>At one o&#8217;clock there was a great sensation caused in the village of
+Stockwell, by the appearance of their reverend pastor and the elderly
+stranger, sitting on the bench which went round the tree, which stood
+before the sign of the roaring rampant Red Lion, each with a long pipe
+in his mouth, blowing clouds, which would not have disgraced the most
+inveterate smoker of the &#8220;black diamond&#8221; fraternity, and ever and anon
+moistening their clay with &#8220;heavy wet,&#8221; from tankards placed upon a
+small table, which Mrs Philpot had provided for their accommodation. The
+little boys and girls first approached within a respectful distance, and
+then ran away giggling to tell their companions; and they told their
+mothers, who came and peeped likewise; and many were diverted, and many
+were scandalised at the sight: yet the parson seemed to care for none of
+these things, but cracked his joke, and sipped his ale, and smoked his
+pipe, with as much easy nonchalance as if he had been in his own
+arm-chair at the rectory. Yet it must be confessed <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 81]</a></span>that now and then
+there was a sort of equivocal remark made by him, as though he had some
+faint recollection of his former profession, although he evinced not the
+smallest sense of shame at the change which had been wrought in him.
+Indeed this trifling imperfection in the change of identity appears to
+have attended such transformations in general, and might have arisen
+from the individual bodies retaining their own clothes (for the mere
+fashion of dress hath a great influence on some minds), or, perhaps,
+because a profession or trade, with the habits thereof, cannot be
+entirely shaken off, nor a new one perfectly learned, by spinning a
+teetotum for five minutes. The time had now arrived when George Syms,
+the shoemaker, and Peter Brown, the blacksmith, were accustomed to take
+their &#8220;pint and pipe after dinner,&#8221; and greatly were they surprised to
+see their places so occupied; and not a little was their astonishment
+increased, when the parson lifted up his voice, and ordered Sally to
+bring out a couple of chairs, and then shook them both warmly by the
+hand, and welcomed them by the affectionate appellation of &#8220;My
+hearties!&#8221; He then winked, and in an under-tone began to sing&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="centerbox2 bbox"><p>&#8220;Though I&#8217;m tied to a crusty old woman,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Much given to scolding and jealousy,</span><br />
+I know that the case is too common,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And so I will ogle each girl I see.</span><br />
+<span style="margin-left: 10em;">Tol de rol, lol, &amp;c.</span></p></div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 82]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Come, my lads!&#8221; he resumed, &#8220;sit you down, and clap half a yard of clay
+into your mouths.&#8221; The two worthy artisans looked at each other
+significantly, or rather insignificantly, for they knew not what to
+think, and did as they were bid. &#8220;Come, why don&#8217;t you talk?&#8221; said the
+teetotum parson landlord, after a short silence. &#8220;You&#8217;re as dull as a
+couple of tom-cats with their ears cut off&mdash;talk, man, talk&mdash;there&#8217;s no
+doing nothing without talking.&#8221; This last part of his speech seemed more
+particularly addressed to Peter Brown, who, albeit a man of a sound
+head, and well skilled in such matters as appertained unto iron and the
+coal trade, had not been much in the habit of mixing with the clergy:
+therefore he felt, for a moment, as he said, &#8220;non-plushed;&#8221; but
+fortunately he recollected the Catholic question, about which most
+people were then talking, and which everybody professed to understand.
+Therefore, he forthwith introduced the subject; and being well aware of
+the parson&#8217;s bias, and having, moreover, been told that he had written a
+pamphlet; therefore (though, to do Peter Brown justice, he was not
+accustomed to read such publications) he scrupled not to give his
+opinion very freely, and concluded by taking up his pint and drinking a
+very unchristianlike malediction against the Pope. George Syms followed
+on the same side, and concluded in the same manner, adding thereunto,
+&#8220;Your good healths, gemmen.&#8221;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 83]</a></span>&mdash;&#8220;What a pack of nonsense!&#8221; exclaimed the
+parson. &#8220;I should like to know what harm the Pope can do us! I tell you
+what, my lads, it&#8217;s all my eye and Betty Martin. Live and let live, I
+say. So long as I can get a good living, I don&#8217;t care the toss of a
+halfpenny who&#8217;s uppermost. For my part, I&#8217;d as soon live at the sign of
+the Mitre as the Lion, or mount the cardinal&#8217;s hat for that matter, if I
+thought I could get anything by it. Look at home, say I. The Pope&#8217;s an
+old woman, and so are they that are afraid of him.&#8221; The elderly stranger
+here seemed highly delighted, and cried &#8220;Bravo!&#8221; and clapped the speaker
+on the back, and said, &#8220;That&#8217;s your sort! Go it, my hearty!&#8221; But Peter
+Brown, who was one of the sturdy English old-fashioned school, and did
+not approve of hot and cold being blown out of the same mouth, took the
+liberty of telling the parson, in a very unceremonious way, that he
+seemed to have changed his opinions very suddenly. &#8220;Not I,&#8221; said the
+other; &#8220;I was always of the same way of thinking.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Then words have no
+meaning,&#8221; observed George Syms, angrily, &#8220;for I heard you myself. You
+talked as loud about the wickedness of &#8217;mancipation as ever I heard a
+man in my life, no longer ago than last Sunday.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Then I must have been
+drunk&mdash;that&#8217;s all I can say about the business,&#8221; replied the other,
+coolly; and he began to fill his pipe with the utmost nonchalance, as
+though it was a matter of course. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 84]</a></span>Such apparently scandalous conduct
+was, however, too much for the unsophisticated George Syms and Peter
+Brown, who simultaneously threw down their reckoning, and, much to their
+credit, left the turncoat reprobate parson to the company of the elderly
+gentleman.</p>
+
+<p>If we were to relate half the whimsical consequences of the teetotum
+tricks of this strange personage, we might fill volumes; but as it is
+not our intention to allow the detail to swell even into one, we must
+hastily sketch the proceedings of poor Jacob Philpot after he left the
+Red Lion to dine with sundry of the gentry and clergy at the Old Boar,
+in his new capacity of an ecclesiastic, in the outward form of a
+somewhat negligently-dressed landlord. He was accosted on the road by
+divers of his coal-carrying neighbours with a degree of familiarity
+which was exceedingly mortifying to his feelings. One told him to be
+home in time to take part of a gallon of ale that he had won of
+neighbour Smith; a second reminded him that to-morrow was club-night at
+the Nag&#8217;s Head; and a third asked him where he had stolen his horse. At
+length he arrived, much out of humour, at the Old Boar, an inn of a very
+different description from the Red Lion, being a posting-house of no
+inconsiderable magnitude, wherein that day was to be holden the
+symposium of certain grandees of the adjacent country, as before hinted.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 85]</a></span></p><p>The landlord, who happened to be standing at the door, was somewhat
+surprised at the formal manner with which Jacob Philpot greeted him and
+gave his horse into the charge of the hostler; but as he knew him only
+by sight, and had many things to attend to, he went his way without
+making any remark, and thus, unwittingly, increased the irritation of
+Jacob&#8217;s new teetotum sensitive feelings. &#8220;Are any of the gentlemen come
+yet?&#8221; asked Jacob, haughtily, of one of the waiters. &#8220;What gentlemen?&#8221;
+quoth the waiter. &#8220;<i>Any</i> of them,&#8221; said Jacob&mdash;&#8220;Mr Wiggins, Doctor
+White, or Captain Pole?&#8221; At this moment a carriage drove up to the door,
+and the bells all began ringing, and the waiters ran to see who had
+arrived, and Jacob Philpot was left unheeded. &#8220;This is very strange
+conduct!&#8221; observed he; &#8220;I never met with such incivility in my life! One
+would think I was a dog!&#8221; Scarcely had this soliloquy terminated, when a
+lady, who had alighted from the carriage (leaving the gentleman who came
+with her to give some orders about the luggage), entered the inn, and
+was greatly surprised to find her delicate hand seized by the horny
+grasp of the landlord of the Red Lion, who addressed her as &#8220;Dear Mrs
+Wilkins,&#8221; and vowed he was quite delighted at the unexpected pleasure of
+seeing her, and hoped the worthy rector was well, and all the dear
+little darlings. Mrs Wilkins disengaged her hand as <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 86]</a></span>quickly as
+possible, and made her escape into a room, the door of which was held
+open for her admittance by the waiter; and then the worthy rector made
+his appearance, followed by one of the &#8220;little darlings,&#8221; whom Jacob
+Philpot, in the joy of his heart at finding himself once more among
+friends, snatched up in his arms, and thereby produced a bellowing which
+instantly brought the alarmed mother from her retreat. &#8220;What is that
+frightful man doing with the child?&#8221; she cried, and Jacob, who could
+scarcely believe his ears, was immediately deprived of his burden, while
+his particular friend, the worthy rector, looked upon him with a cold
+and vacant stare, and then retired into his room with his wife and the
+little darling, and Jacob was once more left to his own cogitations. &#8220;I
+see it!&#8221; he exclaimed, after a short pause, &#8220;I see it! This is the
+reward of rectitude of principle! This is the reward of undeviating and
+inflexible firmness of purpose! He has read my unanswerable pamphlet! I
+always thought there was a laxity of principle about him!&#8221; So Jacob
+forthwith walked into the open air to cool himself, and strolled round
+the garden of the inn, and meditated upon divers important subjects; and
+thus he passed his time till the hour of dinner, though he could not but
+keep occasionally wondering that some of his friends did not come down
+to meet him, since they must have seen him walking in the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 87]</a></span>garden. His
+patience, however, was at length exhausted, and his appetite was
+exceedingly clamorous, partly, perhaps, because his <i>outward</i> man had
+been used to dine at the plebeian hour of noon, while his inward man
+made a point of never taking anything more than a biscuit and a glass of
+wine between breakfast and five o&#8217;clock; and even that little modicum
+had been omitted on this fatal day, in consequence of the incivility of
+the people of the inn. &#8220;The dinner hour was five <i>precisely</i>,&#8221; said he,
+looking at his watch, &#8220;and now it is half-past&mdash;but I&#8217;ll wait a <i>little</i>
+longer. It&#8217;s a bad plan to hurry them. It puts the cook out of humour,
+and then all goes wrong.&#8221; Therefore he waited a little longer; that is
+to say, till the calls of absolute hunger became quite ungovernable, and
+then he went into the house, where the odour of delicate viands was
+quite provoking; so he followed the guidance of his nose and arrived in
+the large dining-room, where he found, to his great surprise and
+mortification, that the company were assembled, and the work of
+destruction had been going on for some time, as the second course had
+just been placed on the table. Jacob felt that the neglect with which he
+had been treated was &#8220;enough to make a parson swear;&#8221; and perhaps he
+would have sworn, but that he had no time to spare; and therefore, as
+all the seats at the upper end of the table were engaged, he deposited
+himself <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 88]</a></span>on a vacant chair about the centre, between two gentlemen with
+whom he had no acquaintance, and, spreading his napkin in his lap,
+demanded of a waiter what fish had gone out. The man replied only by a
+stare and a smile&mdash;a line of conduct which was by no means surprising,
+seeing that the most stylish part of Philpot&#8217;s dress was, without
+dispute, the napkin aforesaid. For the rest, it was unlike the garb of
+the strange gentleman, inasmuch as that, though possibly entitled to the
+epithet shabby, it could not be termed genteel. &#8220;What&#8217;s the fellow
+gaping at?&#8221; cried Jacob, in an angry voice; &#8220;go and tell your master
+that I want to speak to him directly. I don&#8217;t understand such treatment.
+Tell him to come immediately! Do you hear?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The loud tone in which this was spoken aroused the attention of the
+company; and most of them cast a look of inquiry, first at the speaker
+and then round the table, as if to discern by whom the strange gentleman
+in the scarlet-and-yellow plush waistcoat and the dirty shirt might be
+patronised; but there were others who recognised the landlord of the Red
+Lion at Stockwell. The whole, however, were somewhat startled when he
+addressed them as follows:&mdash;&#8220;Really, gentlemen, I must say that a joke
+may be carried too far; and if it was not for my cloth&#8221; (here he handled
+the napkin), &#8220;I declare I don&#8217;t know how I might act. I have been
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 89]</a></span>walking in the garden for these two hours, and you <i>must</i> have seen me.
+And now you stare at me as if you didn&#8217;t know me! Really, gentlemen, it
+is too bad! I love a joke as well as any man, and can take one too; but,
+as I said before, a joke <i>may</i> be carried too far.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;I think so too,&#8221;
+said the landlord of the Old Boar, tapping him on the shoulder; &#8220;so come
+along, and don&#8217;t make a fool of yourself here.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Fellow!&#8221; cried Jacob,
+rising in great wrath, &#8220;go your ways! Be off, I tell you! Mr Chairman,
+we have known each other now for a good many years, and you must be
+convinced that I can take a joke as well as any man; but human nature
+can endure this no longer. Mr Wiggins! Captain Pole! my good friend
+Doctor White! I appeal to you!&#8221; Here the gentlemen named looked
+especially astounded. &#8220;What! can it be possible that you have <i>all</i>
+agreed to cut me! Oh, no! I will not believe that political differences
+of opinion can run <i>quite</i> so high. Come&mdash;let us have no more of this
+nonsense!&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;No, no, we&#8217;ve had quite enough of it,&#8221; said the landlord of
+the Old Boar, pulling the chair from beneath the last speaker, who was
+consequently obliged again to be upon his legs, while there came, from
+various parts of the table, cries of &#8220;Chair! chair! Turn him
+out!&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Man!&#8221; roared the teetotum parsonified landlord of the Red Lion,
+to the landlord of the Old Boar&mdash;&#8220;Man! you shall repent of this! If it
+wasn&#8217;t <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 90]</a></span>for my cloth, I&#8217;d soon&mdash;&mdash;.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Come, give me the cloth!&#8221; said
+the other, snatching away the napkin, which Jacob had buttoned in his
+waistcoat, and thereby causing that garment to fly open and expose more
+of dirty linen and skin than is usually sported at a dinner-party. Poor
+Philpot&#8217;s rage had now reached its acme, and he again appealed to the
+chairman by name. &#8220;Colonel Martin!&#8221; said he, &#8220;can you sit by and see me
+used thus? I am sure <i>you</i> will not pretend that you don&#8217;t know
+me!&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Not I,&#8221; replied the chairman; &#8220;I know you well enough, and a
+confounded impudent fellow you are. I&#8217;ll tell you what, my lad, next
+time you apply for a licence, you shall hear of this.&#8221; The landlord of
+the Old Boar was withal a kind-hearted man; and as he well knew that the
+loss of its licence would be ruin to the rampant Red Lion and all
+concerned therewith, he was determined that poor Philpot should be saved
+from destruction in spite of his teeth; therefore, without further
+ceremony, he, being a muscular man, laid violent hands upon the said
+Jacob, and, with the assistance of his waiters, conveyed him out of the
+room, in despite of much struggling, and sundry interjections concerning
+his &#8220;cloth.&#8221; When they had deposited him safely in an arm-chair in &#8220;the
+bar,&#8221; the landlady, who had frequently seen him before in his proper
+character&mdash;that of a civil man&mdash;who &#8220;knew his place&#8221; in society, very
+kindly offered <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 91]</a></span>him a cup of tea; and the landlord asked how he could
+think of making such a fool of himself; and the waiter, whom he had
+accosted on first entering the house, vouched for his not having had
+anything to eat or drink; whereupon they spoke of the remains of a
+turbot which had just come down-stairs, and a haunch of venison that was
+to follow. It is a sad thing to have a mind and body that are no match
+for each other. Jacob&#8217;s outward man would have been highly gratified at
+the exhibition of these things, but the spirit of the parson was too
+mighty within, and spurned every offer, and the body was compelled to
+obey. So the horse that was borrowed of the squire was ordered out, and
+Jacob Philpot mounted and rode on his way in excessive irritation,
+growling vehemently at the insult and indignity which had been committed
+against the &#8220;cloth&#8221; in general, and his own person in particular.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The sun sunk beneath the horizon,&#8221; as novelists say, when Jacob Philpot
+entered the village of Stockwell, and, as if waking from a dream, he
+suddenly started, and was much surprised to find himself on horseback;
+for the last thing that he recollected was going up-stairs at his own
+house, and composing himself for a nap, that he might be ready to join
+neighbour Scroggins and Dick Smith, when they came in the evening to
+drink the gallon of ale lost by the latter. &#8220;And, my eyes!&#8221; said he, &#8220;if
+I haven&#8217;t got the squire&#8217;s horse that the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 92]</a></span>parson borrowed this morning.
+Well&mdash;it&#8217;s very odd! however, the ride has done me a deal of good, for I
+feel as if I hadn&#8217;t had anything all day, and yet I did pretty well too
+at the leg of mutton at dinner.&#8221; Mrs Philpot received her lord and
+nominal master in no very gracious mood, and said she should like to
+know where he had been riding. &#8220;That&#8217;s more than I can tell you,&#8221;
+replied Jacob; &#8220;however, I know I&#8217;m as hungry as a greyhound, though I
+never made a better dinner in my life.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;More shame for you,&#8221; said Mrs
+Philpot; &#8220;I wish the Old Boar was a thousand miles off.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;What&#8217;s the
+woman talking about?&#8221; quoth Jacob. &#8220;Eh! what! at it again, I suppose,&#8221;
+and he pointed to the closet containing the rum bottle. &#8220;Hush!&#8221; cried
+Mrs Philpot, &#8220;here&#8217;s the parson coming down-stairs!&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;The parson!&#8221;
+exclaimed Jacob; &#8220;what&#8217;s he been doing up-stairs, I should like to
+know?&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;He has been to take a nap on mistress&#8217;s bed,&#8221; said Sally. &#8220;The
+dickens he has! This is a pretty story,&#8221; quoth Jacob. &#8220;How could I help
+it?&#8221; asked Mrs Philpot; &#8220;you should stay at home and look after your own
+business, and not go ramshackling about the country. You shan&#8217;t hear the
+last of the Old Boar just yet, I promise you.&#8221; To avoid the threatened
+storm, and satisfy the calls of hunger, Jacob made off to the larder,
+and commenced an attack upon the leg of mutton.</p>
+
+<p>At this moment the Reverend Mr Stanhope <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 93]</a></span>opened the little door at the
+foot of the stairs. On waking, and finding himself upon a bed, he had
+concluded that he must have fainted in consequence of the agitation of
+mind produced by the gross insults which he had suffered, or perhaps
+from the effects of hunger. Great, therefore, was his surprise to find
+himself at the Red Lion in his own parish; and the first questions he
+asked of Mrs Philpot were how and when he had been brought there. &#8220;La,
+sir!&#8221; said the landlady, &#8220;you went up-stairs of your own accord, after
+you were tired of smoking under the tree.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Smoking under the tree,
+woman!&#8221; exclaimed Mr Stanhope; &#8220;what are you talking about? Do you
+recollect whom you are speaking to?&#8221; &#8220;Ay, marry, do I,&#8221; replied the
+sensitive Mrs Philpot; &#8220;and you told Sally to call you when Scroggins
+and Smith came for their gallon of ale, as you meant to join the party.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The Reverend Mr Stanhope straightway took up his hat, put it upon his
+head, and stalked with indignant dignity out of the house, opining that
+the poor woman was in her cups; and meditated, as he walked home, on the
+extraordinary affairs of the day. But his troubles were not yet ended,
+for the report of his public jollification had reached his own
+household; and John, his trusty man-servant, had been despatched to the
+Red Lion, and had ascertained that his master was really gone to bed in
+a state very unfit for a clergyman to be seen in. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 94]</a></span>Some remarkably
+goodnatured friends had been to condole with Mrs Stanhope upon the
+extraordinary proceedings of her goodman, and to say how much they were
+shocked, and what a pity it was, and wondering what the bishop would
+think of it, and divers other equally amiable and consolatory
+reflections and notes of admiration. Now Mrs Stanhope, though she had
+much of the &#8220;milk of human kindness&#8221; in her composition, had withal a
+sufficient portion of &#8220;tartaric acid&#8221; mingled therewith. Therefore, when
+her beer-drinking husband made his appearance, he found her in a state
+of effervescence. &#8220;Mary,&#8221; said he, &#8220;I am extremely fatigued. I have been
+exposed to-day to a series of insults, such as I could not have imagined
+it possible for any one to offer me.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Nor anybody else,&#8221; replied Mrs
+Stanhope; &#8220;but you are rightly served, and I am glad of it. Who could
+have supposed that you, the minister of a parish!&mdash;Faugh! how filthily
+you smell of tobacco! I vow I cannot endure to be in the room with you!&#8221;
+and she arose and left the divine to himself, in exceeding great
+perplexity. However, being a man who loved to do all things in order, he
+remembered that he had not dined, so he rang the bell and gave the
+needful instructions, thinking it best to satisfy nature first, and
+<i>then</i> endeavour to ascertain the cause of his beloved Mary&#8217;s acidity.
+His appetite was gone, but that he attributed to having fasted too long,
+a practice very <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 95]</a></span>unusual with him; however, he picked a bit here and
+there, and then indulged himself with a bottle of his oldest port, which
+he had about half consumed, and somewhat recovered his spirits, ere his
+dear Mary made her reappearance, and told him that she was perfectly
+astonished at his conduct. And well might she say so, for <i>now</i>, the
+wine, which he had been drinking with unusual rapidity, thinking, good
+easy man, that he had taken nothing all day, began to have a very
+visible effect upon a body already saturated with strong ale. He
+declared that he cared not a fig for the good opinion of any gentleman
+in the county, that he would always act and speak according to his
+principles, and filled a bumper to the health of the Lord Chancellor,
+and drank sundry more exceedingly loyal toasts, and told his astonished
+spouse, that he should not be surprised if he was very soon to be made a
+Dean or a Bishop; and as for the people at the Old Boar, he saw through
+their conduct&mdash;it was all envy, which doth &#8220;merit as its shade pursue.&#8221;
+The good lady justly deemed it folly to waste her oratory upon a man in
+such a state, and reserved her powers for the next morning; and Mr
+Stanhope reeled to bed that night in a condition which, to do him
+justice, he had never before exhibited under his own roof.</p>
+
+<p>The next morning, Mrs Stanhope and her daughter Sophy, a promising young
+lady about ten years <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 96]</a></span>old, of the hoyden class, were at breakfast, when
+the elderly stranger called at the rectory, and expressed great concern
+on being told that Mr S. was somewhat indisposed, and had not yet made
+his appearance. He said that his business was of very little importance,
+and merely concerned some geological inquiries which he was prosecuting
+in the vicinity; but Mrs Stanhope, who had the names of all the ologies
+by heart, and loved occasionally to talk thereof, persuaded him to wait
+a short time, little dreaming of the consequence; for the wily old
+gentleman began to romp with Miss Sophy, and, after a while, produced
+his teetotum, and, in short, so contrived it, that the mother and
+daughter played together therewith for five minutes. He then politely
+took his leave, promising to call again; and Mrs Stanhope bobbed him a
+curtsy, and Sophia assured him that Mr S. would be extremely happy to
+afford him every assistance in his scientific researches. When the
+worthy divine at length made his appearance in the breakfast parlour,
+strangely puzzled as to the extreme feverishness and languor which
+oppressed him, he found Sophy sitting gravely in an arm-chair, reading a
+treatise on craniology. It was a pleasant thing for him to see her read
+anything, but he could not help expressing his surprise by observing, &#8220;I
+should think that book a little above your comprehension, my
+dear.&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Indeed! sir,&#8221; was the reply; and the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 97]</a></span>little girl laid down the
+volume, and sat erect in her chair, and thus continued: &#8220;I should think,
+Mr Nicodemus Stanhope, that after the specimen of good sense and
+propriety of conduct, which you were pleased to exhibit yesterday, it
+scarcely becomes <i>you</i> to pretend to estimate the <i>comprehension</i> of
+others.&#8221; &#8220;My dear,&#8221; said the astonished divine, &#8220;this is very strange
+language! You forget whom you are speaking to!&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Not at all,&#8221; replied
+the child. &#8220;I know <i>my</i> place, if you don&#8217;t know yours, and am
+determined to speak my mind.&#8221; If anything could add to the Reverend Mr
+Nicodemus Stanhope&#8217;s surprise, it was the sound of his wife&#8217;s voice in
+the garden, calling to his man John to stand out of the way, or she
+should run over him. Poor John, who was tying up some of her favourite
+flowers, got out of her way accordingly in quick time, and the next
+moment his mistress rushed by, trundling a hoop, hallooing and laughing,
+and highly enjoying his apparent dismay. Throughout that day, it may be
+imagined that the reverend gentleman&#8217;s philosophy was sorely tried; but
+we are compelled, by want of room, to leave the particulars of his
+botheration to the reader&#8217;s imagination.</p>
+
+<p>We are sorry to say that these were not the only metamorphoses which the
+mischievous old gentleman wrought in the village of Stockwell. There was
+a game of teetotum played between a sergeant of dragoons, who had
+retired upon his well-earned <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 98]</a></span>pension, and a baker, who happened
+likewise to be the renter of a small patch of land adjoining the
+village. The veteran, with that indistinctness of character before
+mentioned, shouldered the peel, and took it to the field, and used it
+for loading and spreading manure, so that it was never afterwards fit
+for any but dirty work. Then, just to show that he was not afraid of
+anybody, he cut a gap in the hedge of a small field of wheat which had
+just been reaped, and was standing in sheaves, and thereby gave
+admittance to a neighbouring bull, who amused himself greatly by tossing
+the said sheaves; but more particularly those which were set apart as
+tithes, against which he appeared to have a particular spite, throwing
+them high into the air, and then bellowing and treading them under foot.
+But&mdash;we must come to a close. Suffice it to say, that the village of
+Stockwell was long in a state of confusion in consequence of these
+games; for the mischief which was done during the period of delusion,
+ended not, like the delusion itself, with the rising or setting of the
+sun.</p>
+
+<p>Having now related as many particulars of these strange occurrences as
+our limits will permit, we have merely to state the effect which they
+produced upon ourselves. Whenever we have since beheld servants aping
+the conduct of their masters or mistresses, tradesmen wasting their time
+and money at taverns, clergymen forgetful of the dignity <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 99]</a></span>and sacred
+character of their profession, publicans imagining themselves fit for
+preachers, children calling their parents to account for their conduct,
+matrons acting the hoyden, and other incongruities&mdash;whenever we witness
+these and the like occurrences, we conclude that the actors therein have
+been playing a game with the Old Gentleman&#8217;s Teetotum.</p>
+
+<hr class="large" />
+<h2><a name="Woe_to_us_when_we_lose_the_watery_wall" id="Woe_to_us_when_we_lose_the_watery_wall"></a>&#8220;Woe to us when we lose the watery wall!&#8221;</h2>
+
+<h4>[<i>MAGA.</i> <span class="smcap">September 1823.</span>]</h4>
+
+<div class="centerbox5 bbox"><p class="n"><span style="float:left;font-size:40px;line-height:25px;padding-top:2px;padding-bottom:1px;">I</span>f e&#8217;er that dreadful hour should come&mdash;but God avert the day!&mdash;<br />
+When England&#8217;s glorious flag must bend, and yield old Ocean&#8217;s sway;<br />
+When foreign ships shall o&#8217;er that deep, where she is empress, lord;<br />
+When the cross of red from boltsprit-head is hewn by foreign sword;<br />
+When foreign foot her quarterdeck with proud stride treads along;<br />
+When her peaceful ships meet haughty check from hail of foreign tongue;&mdash;<br />
+One prayer, one only prayer is mine&mdash;that, ere is seen that sight,<br />
+Ere there be warning of that woe, I may be whelmed in night!<br />
+<br />
+If ever other prince than ours wield sceptre o&#8217;er that main,<br />
+Where Howard, Blake, and Frobisher, the Armada smote of Spain;<br />
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 100]</a></span>Where Blake, in Cromwell&#8217;s iron sway, swept tempest-like the seas,<br />
+From North to South, from East to West, resistless as the breeze;<br />
+Where Russell bent great Louis&#8217; power, which bent before to none,<br />
+And crushed his arm of naval strength, and dimmed his Rising Sun&mdash;<br />
+One prayer, one only prayer is mine&mdash;that, ere is seen that sight,<br />
+Ere there be warning of that woe, I may be whelmed in night!<br />
+<br />
+If ever other keel than ours triumphant plough that brine,<br />
+Where Rodney met the Count de Grasse, and broke the Frenchman&#8217;s line,<br />
+Where Howe, upon the first of June, met the Jacobins in fight,<br />
+And with Old England&#8217;s loud huzzas broke down their godless might;<br />
+Where Jervis at St Vincent&#8217;s felled the Spaniards&#8217; lofty tiers,<br />
+Where Duncan won at Camperdown, and Exmouth at Algiers&mdash;<br />
+One prayer, one only prayer, is mine&mdash;that, ere is seen that sight,<br />
+Ere there be warning of that woe, I may be whelmed in night!<br />
+<br />
+But oh! what agony it were, when we should think on thee,<br />
+The flower of all the Admirals that ever trod the sea!<br />
+I shall not name thy honoured name&mdash;but if the white-cliffed Isle<br />
+Which reared the Lion of the deep, the Hero of the Nile,<br />
+Him who, &#8217;neath Copenhagen&#8217;s self, o&#8217;erthrew the faithless Dane,<br />
+Who died at glorious Trafalgar, o&#8217;er-vanquished France and Spain,<br />
+Should yield her power, one prayer is mine&mdash;that, ere is seen that sight,<br />
+Ere there be warning of that woe, I may be whelmed in night!</p></div>
+
+<hr class="large" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 1]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="MY_COLLEGE_FRIENDS" id="MY_COLLEGE_FRIENDS"></a>MY COLLEGE FRIENDS.</h2>
+
+<h3>CHARLES RUSSELL, THE GENTLEMAN-COMMONER.</h3>
+
+<h4>[<i>MAGA.</i> <span class="smcap">August 1846.</span>]</h4>
+
+<h3>CHAPTER I.</h3>
+
+<p style="float: left; font-size: 100%; line-height: 80%; margin-top: 0;">&#8220;</p><p class="n"><span style="float:left;font-size:40px;line-height:25px;padding-top:2px;padding-bottom:1px;">H</span>ave you any idea who that fresh gentleman-commoner is?&#8221; said I to
+Savile, who was sitting next to me at dinner, one day soon after the
+beginning of term. We had not usually in the college above three or four
+of that privileged class, so that any addition to their table attracted
+more attention than the arrival of the vulgar herd of freshmen to fill
+up the vacancies at our own. Unless one of them had choked himself with
+his mutton, or taken some equally decided mode of making himself an
+object of public interest, scarcely any man of &#8220;old standing&#8221; would have
+even inquired his name.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Is he one of our men?&#8221; said Savile, as he scrutinised the party in
+question. &#8220;I thought he had been a stranger dining with some of them.
+Murray, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[Pg 2]</a></span>you know the history of every man who comes up, I believe&mdash;who
+is he?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;His name is Russell,&#8221; replied the authority referred to; &#8220;Charles
+Wynderbie Russell; his father&#8217;s a banker in the city: Russell and Smith,
+you know, &mdash;&mdash; Street.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay, I dare say,&#8221; said Savile; &#8220;one of your rich tradesmen; they always
+come up as gentlemen-commoners, to show that they have lots of money: it
+makes me wonder how any man of decent family ever condescends to put on
+a silk gown.&#8221; Savile was the younger son of a poor baronet, thirteenth
+in descent, and affected considerable contempt for any other kind of
+distinction.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh!&#8221; continued Murray, &#8220;this man is by no means of a bad family: his
+father comes of one of the oldest houses in Dorsetshire, and his mother,
+you know, is one of the Wynderbies of Wynderbie Court&mdash;a niece of Lord
+De Staveley&#8217;s.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;<i>I</i> know!&#8221; said Savile; &#8220;nay, I never heard of Wynderbie Court in my
+life; but I dare say <i>you</i> know, which is quite sufficient. Really,
+Murray, you might make a good speculation by publishing a genealogical
+list of the undergraduate members of the university&mdash;birth, parentage,
+family connections, governors&#8217; present incomes, probable expectations,
+&amp;c. &amp;c. It would sell capitally among the tradesmen&mdash;they&#8217;d know exactly
+when it was safe to give credit. You could call it <i>A Guide to Duns</i>.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[Pg 3]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Or a <i>History of the</i> Un-<i>landed Gentry</i>,&#8221; suggested I.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, he is a very gentlemanlike-looking fellow, that Mr Russell,
+banker or not,&#8221; said Savile, as the unconscious subject of our
+conversation left the hall; &#8220;I wonder who knows him?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The same question might have been asked a week&mdash;a month after this
+conversation, without eliciting any very satisfactory answer. With the
+exception of Murray&#8217;s genealogical information&mdash;the correctness of which
+was never doubted for a moment, though how or where he obtained this and
+similar pieces of history, was a point on which he kept up an amusing
+mystery&mdash;Russell was a man of whom no one appeared to know anything at
+all. The other gentlemen-commoners had, I believe, all called upon him,
+as a matter of courtesy to one of their own limited mess; but in almost
+every case it had merely amounted to an exchange of cards. He was either
+out of his rooms, or &#8220;sporting oak;&#8221; and &#8220;Mr C. W. Russell,&#8221; on a bit of
+pasteboard, had invariably appeared in the note-box of the party for
+whom the honour was intended, on their return from their afternoon&#8217;s
+walk or ride. Invitations to two or three wine-parties had followed, and
+been civilly declined. It was at one of these meetings that he again
+became the subject of conversation. We were a large party, at a man of
+the name of Tichborne&#8217;s rooms, when some one mentioned having met &#8220;the
+Hermit,&#8221; as <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[Pg 4]</a></span>they called him, taking a solitary walk about three miles
+out of Oxford the day before.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, you mean Russell,&#8221; said Tichborne: &#8220;well, I was going to tell you,
+I called on him again this morning, and found him in his rooms. In fact,
+I almost followed him in after lecture; for I confess I had some little
+curiosity to find out what he was made of!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And did you find out?&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;What sort of a fellow is he?&#8221; asked
+half-a-dozen voices at once; for, to say the truth, the curiosity which
+Tichborne had just confessed had been pretty generally felt, even among
+those who usually affected a dignified disregard of all matters
+concerning the nature and habits of freshmen.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I sat with him for about twenty minutes; indeed, I should have staid
+longer, for I rather liked the lad; but he seemed anxious to get rid of
+me. I can&#8217;t make him out at all, though. I wanted him to come here
+to-night, but he positively would not, though he didn&#8217;t pretend to have
+any other engagement: he said he never, or seldom, drank wine.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Not drink wine!&#8221; interrupted Savile. &#8220;I always said he was some low
+fellow!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I have known some low fellows drink their skins full of wine, though;
+especially at other men&#8217;s expense,&#8221; said Tichborne, who was evidently
+not pleased with the remark; &#8220;and Russell is <i>not</i> a low fellow by any
+means.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, well,&#8221; replied Savile, whose good-humour <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[Pg 5]</a></span>was imperturbable&mdash;&#8220;if
+you say so, there&#8217;s an end of it: all I mean to say is, I can&#8217;t conceive
+any man not drinking wine, unless for the simple reason that he prefers
+brandy-and-water, and that I <i>do</i> call low. However, you&#8217;ll excuse my
+helping myself to another glass of this particularly good claret,
+Tichborne, though it is at your expense: indeed, the only use of you
+gentlemen-commoners, that I am aware of, is to give us a taste of the
+senior common-room wine now and then. They do manage to get it good
+there, certainly. I wish they would give out a few dozens as prizes at
+collections; it would do us a great deal more good than a Russia-leather
+book with the college arms on it. I don&#8217;t know that I shouldn&#8217;t take to
+reading in that case.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Drink a dozen of it, old fellow, if you can,&#8221; said Tichborne. &#8220;But
+really I am sorry we couldn&#8217;t get Russell here this evening; I think he
+would be rather an acquisition, if he could be drawn out. As to his not
+drinking wine, that&#8217;s a matter of taste; and he is not very likely to
+corrupt the good old principles of the college on that point. But he
+must please himself.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What does he do with himself?&#8221; said one of the party&mdash;&#8220;read?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why he didn&#8217;t <i>talk</i> about reading, as most of our literary freshmen
+do, which might perhaps lead one to suppose he really was something of a
+scholar; still, I doubt if he is what you call a reading man; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[Pg 6]</a></span>I know he
+belongs to the Thucydides lecture, and I have never seen him there but
+once.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ah!&#8221; said Savile, with a sigh, &#8220;that&#8217;s another privilege of yours I had
+forgotten, which is rather enviable; you can cut lectures when you like,
+without getting a thundering imposition. Where does this man Russell
+live?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;He has taken those large rooms that Sykes used to have, and fitted up
+in such style; they were vacant, you remember, the last two terms; I had
+some thought of moving into them myself, but they were confoundedly
+expensive, and I didn&#8217;t think it worth while. They cost Sykes I don&#8217;t
+know how much, in painting and papering, and are full of all sorts of
+couches, and easy-chairs, and so forth. And this man seems to have got
+two or three good paintings into them; and, altogether, they are now the
+best rooms in college, by far.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Does he mean to hunt?&#8221; asked another.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No, I fancy not,&#8221; replied our host: &#8220;though he spoke as if he knew
+something about it; but he said he had no horses in Oxford.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Nor anywhere else, I&#8217;ll be bound; he&#8217;s a precious slow coach, you may
+depend upon it.&#8221; And with this decisive remark, Mr Russell and his
+affairs were dismissed for the time.</p>
+
+<p>A year passed away, and still, at the end of that time&mdash;(a long time it
+seemed in those days)&mdash;Russell was as much a stranger in college as
+ever. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[Pg 7]</a></span>He had begun to be regarded as a rather mysterious person. Hardly
+two men in the college agreed in their estimate of his character. Some
+said he was a natural son&mdash;the acknowledged heir to a large fortune, but
+too proud to mix in society, under the consciousness of a dishonoured
+birth. But this suspicion was indignantly refuted by Murray, as much on
+behalf of his own genealogical accuracy, as for Russell&#8217;s legitimacy&mdash;he
+was undoubtedly the true and lawful son and heir of Mr Russell the
+banker, of &mdash;&mdash; Street. Others said he was poor; but his father was
+reputed to be the most wealthy partner in a wealthy firm, and was known
+to have a considerable estate in the west of England. There were not
+wanting those who said he was &#8220;eccentric&#8221;&mdash;in the largest sense of the
+term. Yet his manners and conduct, as far as they came within notice,
+were correct, regular, and gentlemanly beyond criticism. There was
+nothing about him which could fairly incur even the minor charge of
+being odd. He dressed well, though very plainly; would converse freely
+enough, upon any subject, with the few men who, from sitting at the same
+table, or attending the same lectures, had formed a doubtful sort of
+acquaintance with him; and always showed great good sense, a
+considerable knowledge of the world, and a courtesy, and at the same
+time perfect dignity of manner, which effectually prevented any attempt
+to penetrate, by jest or direct question, the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[Pg 8]</a></span>reserve in which he had
+chosen to enclose himself. All invitations he steadily refused; even to
+the extent of sending an excuse to the deans&#8217; and tutors&#8217; breakfast
+parties, to their ineffable disgust. Whether he read hard, or not, was
+equally a secret. He was regular in his attendance at chapel, and
+particularly attentive to the service; a fact which by no means tended
+to lower him in men&#8217;s estimation, though in those days more remarkable
+than, happily, it would be now. At lectures, indeed, he was not equally
+exemplary, either as to attendance or behaviour; he was often absent
+when asked a question, and not always accurate when he replied; and
+occasionally declined translating a passage which came to his turn, on
+the ground of not having read it. Yet his scholarship, if not always
+strictly accurate, had a degree of elegance which betokened both talent
+and reading; and his taste was evidently naturally good, and classical
+literature a subject of interest to him. Altogether, it rather piqued
+the vanity of those who saw most of him, that he would give them no
+opportunity of seeing more; and many affected to sneer at him, as a
+&#8220;<i>muff</i>,&#8221; who would have been exceedingly flattered by his personal
+acquaintance. Only one associate did Charles Russell appear to have in
+the university; and this was a little greenish-haired man in a scholar&#8217;s
+gown, a perfect contrast to himself in appearance, whose name or college
+no man knew, though some professed <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[Pg 9]</a></span>to recognise him as a Bible-clerk of
+one of the smallest and most obscure of the halls.</p>
+
+<p>Attempts were made to pump out of his scout some information as to how
+Russell passed his time: for, with the exception of a daily walk,
+sometimes with the companion above mentioned, but much oftener alone,
+and his having been seen once or twice in a skiff on the river, he
+appeared rarely to quit his own rooms. Scouts are usually pretty
+communicative of all they know&mdash;and sometimes a great deal more&mdash;about
+the affairs of their many masters; and they are not inclined in general
+to hold a very high opinion of those among &#8220;their gentlemen&#8221; who, like
+Russell, are behindhand in the matter of wine and supper-parties&mdash;their
+own perquisites suffering thereby. But Job Allen was a scout of a
+thousand. His honesty and integrity made him quite the <i>rara avis</i> of
+his class&mdash;<i>i.e.</i>, a <i>white</i> swan amongst a flock of black ones. Though
+really, since I have left the university, and been condemned to
+house-keeping, and have seen the peculation and perquisite-hunting
+existing pretty nearly in the same proportion amongst ordinary
+servants&mdash;and the higher you go in society the worse it seems to
+be&mdash;without a tittle of the activity and cleverness displayed by a good
+college scout, who provides supper and etceteras for an extemporary
+party of twenty or so at an hour&#8217;s notice, without starting a difficulty
+or giving vent <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[Pg 10]</a></span>to a grumble, or neglecting any one of his other
+multifarious duties (further than perhaps borrowing for the service of
+the said supper some hard-reading freshman&#8217;s whole stock of knives, and
+leaving him to spread his nocturnal bread and butter with his fingers);
+since I have been led to compare this with the fuss and fidget caused in
+a &#8220;well-regulated family&#8221; among one&#8217;s own lazy vagabonds, by having an
+extra horse to clean, or by a couple of friends arriving unexpectedly to
+dinner, when they all stare at you as if you were expecting
+impossibilities, I have pretty well come to the conclusion, that college
+servants, like hedgehogs, are a grossly calumniated race of
+animals&mdash;wrongfully accused of getting their living by picking and
+stealing, whereas they are in fact rather more honest than the average
+of their neighbours. It is to be hoped that, like the hedgehogs, they
+enjoy a compensation in having too thick skins to be over-sensitive. At
+all events, Job Allen was an honest fellow. He had been known to
+expostulate with some of his more reckless masters upon the absurdities
+of their goings-on; and had more than once had a commons of bread flung
+at his head, when taking the opportunity of symptoms of repentance, in
+an evident disrelish for breakfast, to hint at the slow but inevitable
+approach of &#8220;degree-day.&#8221; Cold chickens from the evening&#8217;s supper-party
+had made a miraculous reappearance <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[Pg 11]</a></span>at next morning&#8217;s lunch or
+breakfast; half-consumed bottles of port seemed, under his auspices, to
+lead charmed lives. No wonder, then, there was very little information
+about the private affairs of Russell to be got out of Job Allen. He had
+but a very poor talent for gossip, and none at all for invention. &#8220;Mr
+Russell&#8217;s a very nice, quiet sort of gentleman, sir, and keeps his-self
+pretty much to his-self.&#8221; This was Job&#8217;s account of him; and, to curious
+inquirers, it was provoking both for its meagreness and its truth.
+&#8220;Who&#8217;s his friend in the rusty gown, Job?&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;I thinks, sir, his name&#8217;s
+Smith.&#8221; &#8220;Is Mr Russell going up for a class, Job?&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;I can&#8217;t say indeed,
+sir.&#8221; &#8220;Does he read hard?&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Not over-hard, I think, sir.&#8221; &#8220;Does he sit
+up late, Job?&#8221;&mdash;&#8220;Not over-late, sir.&#8221; If there was anything to tell, it
+was evident Job would neither commit himself nor his master.</p>
+
+<p>Russell&#8217;s conduct was certainly uncommon. If he had been the son of a
+poor man, dependent for his future livelihood on his own exertions,
+eking out the scanty allowance ill-spared by his friends by the help of
+a scholarship or exhibition, and avoiding society as leading to
+necessary expense, his position would have been understood, and even, in
+spite of the prejudices of youthful extravagance, commended. Or if he
+had been a hard-reading man from choice&mdash;or a stupid man&mdash;or a
+&#8220;saint&#8221;&mdash;no one would have troubled themselves about <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[Pg 12]</a></span>him or his
+proceedings. But Russell was a gentleman-commoner, and a man who had
+evidently seen something of the world; a rich man, and apparently by no
+means of the character fitted for a recluse. He had dined once with the
+principal, and the two or three men who had met him there were
+considerably surprised at the easy gracefulness of his manners, and his
+information upon many points usually beyond the range of undergraduates:
+at his own table in hall, too, he never affected any reserve, although,
+perhaps from a consciousness of having virtually declined any intimacy
+with his companions, he seldom originated any conversation. It might
+have been assumed, indeed, that he despised the society into which he
+was thrown, but that his bearing, so far from being haughty, or even
+cold, was occasionally marked by apparent dejection. There was also, at
+times, a breaking out as it were of the natural spirits of youth,
+checked almost abruptly; and once or twice he had betrayed an interest
+in, and a knowledge of, field-sports and ordinary amusements, which for
+the moment made his hearers fancy, as Tichborne said, that he was
+&#8220;coming out.&#8221; But if, as at first often happened, such conversations led
+to a proposal for a gallop with the harriers, or a ride the next
+afternoon, or a match at billiards, or even an invitation to a quiet
+breakfast-party&mdash;the refusal, though always courteous&mdash;and sometimes it
+was fancied unwilling&mdash;was always <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[Pg 13]</a></span>decided. And living day by day within
+reach of that close companionship which similarity of age, pursuits, and
+tastes, strengthened by daily intercourse, was cementing all around him,
+Charles Russell, in his twentieth year, in a position to choose his own
+society, and qualified to shine in it, seemed to have deliberately
+adopted the life of a recluse.</p>
+
+<p>There were some, indeed, who accounted for his behaviour on the ground
+of stinginess; and it was an opinion somewhat strengthened by one or two
+trifling facts. When the subscription-list for the college boat was
+handed to him, he put his name down for the minimum of one guinea,
+though Charley White, our secretary, with the happy union of impudence
+and &#8220;soft sawder&#8221; for which he was remarkable, delicately drew his
+attention to the fact, that no other gentleman-commoner had given less
+than five. Still it was not very intelligible that a man who wished to
+save his pocket, should choose to pay double fees for the privilege of
+wearing a velvet cap and silk gown, and rent the most expensive set of
+rooms in the college.</p>
+
+<p>It happened that I returned one night somewhat late from a friend&#8217;s
+rooms out of college, and had the satisfaction to find that my scout, in
+an unusually careful mood, had shut my outer &#8220;oak,&#8221; which had a spring
+lock, of which I never by any chance carried the key. It was too late to
+send for the rascal to open it, and I was just planning <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[Pg 14]</a></span>the possibility
+of effecting an entrance at the window by means of the porter&#8217;s ladder,
+when the light in Russell&#8217;s room caught my eye, and I remembered that,
+in the days of their former occupant, our keys used to correspond, very
+much to our mutual convenience. It was no very great intrusion, even
+towards one in the morning, to ask a man to lend you his door key, when
+the alternative seemed to be spending the night in the quadrangle: so I
+walked up his staircase, knocked, was admitted, and stated my business
+with all proper apologies. The key was produced most graciously, and
+down I went again&mdash;unluckily two steps at a time. My foot slipped, and
+one grand rattle brought me to the bottom: not head first, but feet
+first, which possibly is not quite so dangerous, but any gentleman who
+has tried it will agree with me that it is sufficiently unpleasant. I
+was dreadfully shaken; and when I tried to get up, found it no easy
+matter. Russell, I suppose, heard the fall, for he was by my side by the
+time I had collected my ideas. I felt as if I had skinned myself at
+slight intervals all down one side; but the worst of it was a sprained
+ankle. How we got up-stairs again I have no recollection; but when a
+glass of brandy had brought me to a little, I found myself in an
+easy-chair, with my foot on a stool, shivering and shaking like a wet
+puppy. I staid there a fortnight (not in the chair, reader, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[Pg 15]</a></span>but in the
+rooms); and so it was I became intimately acquainted with Charles
+Russell. His kindness and attention to me were excessive; I wished of
+course to be moved to my own rooms at once, but he would not hear of it;
+and as I found every wriggle and twist which I gave quite sufficiently
+painful, I acceded to my surgeon&#8217;s advice to remain where I was.</p>
+
+<p>It was not a very pleasant mode of introduction for either party. Very
+few men&#8217;s acquaintance is worth the pains of bumping all the way
+down-stairs and spraining an ankle for: and for a gentleman who
+voluntarily confines himself to his own apartment and avoids society, to
+have another party chummed in upon him perforce, day and night, sitting
+in an arm-chair, with a suppressed groan occasionally, and an abominable
+smell of hartshorn&mdash;is, to say the least of it, not the happiest mode of
+hinting to him the evils of solitude. Whether it was that the one of us,
+compelled thus against his will to play the host, was anxious to show he
+was no churl by nature, and the other, feeling himself necessarily in a
+great degree an intruder and a bore, put forth more zealously any
+redeeming social qualities he might possess; be this as it might, within
+that fortnight Russell and I became sincere friends.</p>
+
+<p>I found him, as I had expected, a most agreeable and gentlemanlike
+companion, clever and well informed, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[Pg 16]</a></span>and with a higher tone and more
+settled principles than are common to his age and position. But strongly
+contrasted with his usually cheerful manner, were sudden intervals of
+abstraction approaching to gloominess. In him, it was evidently not the
+result of caprice, far less of anything approaching to affectation. I
+watched him closely, partly from interest, partly because I had little
+else to do, and became convinced that there was some latent cause of
+grief or anxiety at work. Once in particular, after the receipt of some
+letters (they were always opened hurriedly, and apparently with a
+painful interest), he was so visibly discomposed and depressed in
+spirits, that I ventured to express a hope that they had contained no
+distressing intelligence. Russell seemed embarrassed at having betrayed
+any unusual emotion, and answered in the negative; adding, that &#8220;he knew
+he was subject to the blues occasionally&#8221;&mdash;and I felt I could say no
+more. But I suppose I did not look convinced; for catching my eyes fixed
+on him soon afterwards, he shook my hand and said, &#8220;Something <i>has</i>
+vexed me&mdash;I cannot tell you what; but I won&#8217;t think about it again now.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>One evening, towards the close of my imprisonment, after a long and
+pleasant talk over our usual sober wind-up of a cup of coffee, some
+recent publication, tasteful, but rather expensive, was mentioned, which
+Russell expressed a wish to see. I <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[Pg 17]</a></span>put the natural question to a man in
+his position who could appreciate the book, and to whom a few pounds
+were no consideration&mdash;why did he not order it? He coloured slightly,
+and after a moment&#8217;s hesitation hurriedly replied, &#8220;Because I cannot
+afford it.&#8221; I felt a little awkwardness as to what to say next; for the
+style of everything round me betrayed a lavish disregard of expense, and
+yet the remark did not at all bear the tone of a jest. Probably Russell
+understood what was passing in my mind; for presently, without looking
+at me, he went on: &#8220;Yes, you may well think it a pitiful economy to
+grudge five guineas for a book like that, and indulge one&#8217;s-self in such
+pompous mummery as we have here;&#8221; and he pushed down with his foot a
+massive and beautiful silver coffee-pot, engraved with half-a-dozen
+quarterings of arms, which, in spite of a remonstrance from me, had been
+blackening before the fire to keep its contents warm. &#8220;Never mind it,&#8221;
+he continued, as I in vain put out my hand to save it from falling&mdash;&#8220;it
+won&#8217;t be damaged; it will fetch just as much per ounce; and I really
+cannot afford to buy an inferior article.&#8221; Russell&#8217;s behaviour up to
+this moment had been rational enough, but at the moment a suspicion
+crossed my mind that &#8220;eccentricity,&#8221; as applied to his case, might
+possibly, as in some other cases, be merely an euphonism for something
+worse. However, I picked up the coffee-pot, and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[Pg 18]</a></span>said nothing. &#8220;You must
+think me very strange, Hawthorne; I quite forgot myself at the moment;
+but if you choose to be trusted with a secret, which will be no secret
+long, I will tell you what will perhaps surprise you with regard to my
+own position, though I really have no right to trouble you with my
+confidences.&#8221; I disclaimed any wish to assume the right of inquiring
+into private matters, but at the same time expressed, as I sincerely
+felt, an interest in what was evidently a weight on my companion&#8217;s mind.
+&#8220;Well, to say the truth,&#8221; continued Russell, &#8220;I think it will be a
+relief to me to tell you how I stand. I know that I have often felt of
+late that I am acting a daily lie here, to all the men about me;
+passing, doubtless, for a rich man, when in truth, for aught I know, I
+and all my family are beggars at this moment.&#8221; He stopped, walked to the
+window, and returned. &#8220;I am surrounded here by luxuries which have
+little right within a college&#8217;s walls; I occupy a distinctive position
+which you and others are supposed not to be able to afford; I never can
+mix with any of you, without, as it were, carrying with me everywhere
+the superscription written&mdash;&#8216;This is a rich man.&#8217; And yet, with all this
+outward show, I may be a debtor to your charity for my bread to-morrow.
+You are astonished, Hawthorne; of course you are. I am not thus playing
+the hypocrite willingly, believe me. Had I only my own comfort, and my
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[Pg 19]</a></span>own feelings to consult, I would take my name off the college books
+to-morrow. How I bear the life I lead, I scarcely know.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But tell me,&#8221; said I, &#8220;as you have told me so much, what is the secret
+of all this?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I will; I was going to explain. My only motive for concealment, my only
+reason for even wishing you to keep my counsel, is, because the
+character and prospects of others are concerned. My father, as I dare
+say you are aware, is pretty well known as the head of the firm of
+Russell and Smith: he passes for a rich man, of course; he <i>was</i> a rich
+man, I believe, once; and I, his only son and heir&mdash;brought up as I was
+to look upon money as a plaything&mdash;I was sent to college of course as a
+gentleman-commoner. I knew nothing, as a lad, of my father&#8217;s affairs:
+there were fools enough to tell me he was rich, and that I had nothing
+to do but to spend his money&mdash;and I did spend it&mdash;ay, too much of
+it&mdash;yet not so much, perhaps, as I might. Not since I came here,
+Hawthorne; oh no!&mdash;not since I found out that it was neither his nor
+mine to spend&mdash;I have not been so bad as that, thank God. And if ever
+man could atone, by suffering, for the thoughtlessness and extravagance
+of early days, I have well-nigh paid my penalty in full already. I told
+you, I entered here as a gentleman-commoner; my father came down to
+Oxford with me, chose my rooms, sent down this furniture <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[Pg 20]</a></span>and these
+paintings from town&mdash;thank Heaven, I never knew what they cost&mdash;ordered
+a couple of hunters and a groom for me&mdash;those I stopped from coming
+down&mdash;and, in fact, made every preparation for me to commence my career
+with credit as the heir-apparent to a large fortune. Some suspicions
+that all was not right had crossed my mind before: certain conversations
+between my father and cold-looking men of business, not meant for my
+ear, and very imperfectly understood&mdash;for it appeared to be my father&#8217;s
+object to keep me totally ignorant of all the mysteries of banking&mdash;an
+increasing tendency on his part to grumble over petty expenses which
+implied ready payment, with an ostentatious profusion in show and
+entertainments&mdash;many slight circumstances put together had given me a
+sort of vague alarm at times, which I shook off, as often as it
+recurred, like a disagreeable dream. A week after I entered college, a
+letter from my only sister opened my eyes to the truth. What I had
+feared was a temporary embarrassment&mdash;a disagreeable necessity for
+retrenchment, or, at the worst, a stoppage of payment, and a respectable
+bankruptcy, which would injure no one but the creditors. What she spoke
+of was absolute ruin, poverty, and, what was worse, disgrace. It came
+upon me very suddenly&mdash;but I bore it. I am not going to enter into
+particulars about family matters to you, Hawthorne&mdash;you would not wish
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[Pg 21]</a></span>it, I know; let me only say, my sister Mary is an angel, and my father
+a weak-minded man&mdash;I will hope, not intentionally a dishonest one. But I
+have learnt enough to know that there are embarrassments from which he
+can never extricate himself with honour, and that every month, every
+week, that he persists in maintaining a useless struggle will only add
+misery to misery in the end. How long it may go on no one can say&mdash;but
+the end must come. My own first impulse was, of course, to leave this
+place at once, and so, at all events, to avoid additional expenses: but
+my father would not hear of it. I went to him, told him what I knew,
+though not how I had heard it, and drew from him a sort of confession
+that he had made some unfortunate speculations. But &#8216;only let us keep up
+appearances&#8217;&mdash;those were his words&mdash;a little while, and all would be
+right again, he assured me. I made no pretence of believing him; but,
+Hawthorne, when he offered to go on his knees to me&mdash;and I his only
+son&mdash;and promised to retrench in every possible method that would not
+betray his motives, if I would but remain at college to take my
+degree&mdash;&#8216;to keep up appearances&#8217;&mdash;what could I do?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Plainly,&#8221; said I, &#8220;you did right: I do not see that you had any
+alternative. Nor have you any right to throw away your future prospects.
+Your father&#8217;s unfortunate embarrassments are no disgrace to you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[Pg 22]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;So said my sister. I knew her advice must be right, and I consented to
+remain here. <i>You</i> know I lead no life of self-indulgence; and the
+necessary expenses, even as a gentleman-commoner, are less than you
+would suppose, unless you had tried matters as closely as I have.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And with your talents&mdash;&#8221; said I.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My talents! I am conscious of but one talent at present: the faculty of
+feeling acutely the miserable position into which I have been forced.
+No, if you mean that I am to gain any sort of distinction by hard
+reading, it is simply what I cannot do. Depend upon it, Hawthorne, a man
+must have a mind tolerably at ease to put forth any mental exertion to
+good purpose. If this crash were once over, and I were reduced to my
+proper level in society&mdash;which will, I suppose, be pretty nearly that of
+a pauper&mdash;<i>then</i> I think I could work for my bread either with head or
+hands: but in this wretchedly false position, here I sit bitterly, day
+after day, with books open before me perhaps, but with no heart to read,
+and no memory but for one thing. You know my secret now, Hawthorne, and
+it has been truly a relief to me to unburden my mind to some one here. I
+am very much alone, indeed; and it is not at all my nature to be
+solitary: if you will come and see me sometimes, now that you know all,
+it will be a real kindness. It is no great pleasure, I assure you,&#8221; he
+continued, smiling, &#8220;to be <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[Pg 23]</a></span>called odd, and selfish, and stingy, by
+those of one&#8217;s own age, as I feel I must be called; but it is much
+better than to lead the life I might lead&mdash;spending money which is not
+mine, and accustoming myself to luxuries, when I may soon have to depend
+on charity even for necessaries. For my own comfort, it might be better,
+as I said before, that the crisis came at once: still, if I remain here
+until I am qualified for some profession, by which I may one day be able
+to support my sister&mdash;that is the hope I feed on&mdash;why, then, this sort
+of existence may be endured.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Russell had at least no reason to complain of having disclosed his mind
+to a careless listener. I was moved almost to tears at his story: but,
+stronger than all other feelings, was admiration of his principles and
+character. I felt that some of us had almost done him irreverence in
+venturing to discuss him so lightly as we had often done. How little we
+know the hearts of others, and how readily we prate about &#8220;seeing
+through&#8221; a man, when in truth what we see is but a surface, and the
+image conveyed to our mind from it but the reflection of ourselves!</p>
+
+<p>My intimacy with Russell, so strangely commenced, had thus rapidly and
+unexpectedly taken the character of that close connection which exists
+between those who have one secret and engrossing interest confined to
+themselves alone. We were <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[Pg 24]</a></span>now more constantly together, perhaps, than
+any two men in college: and many were the jokes I had to endure in
+consequence. Very few of my old companions had ventured to carry their
+attentions to me, while laid up in Russell&#8217;s rooms, beyond an occasional
+call at the door to know how I was going on; and when I got back to my
+old quarters, and had refused one or two invitations on the plea of
+having Russell coming to spend a quiet evening with me, their
+astonishment and disgust were expressed pretty unequivocally, and they
+affected to call us &#8220;the exclusives.&#8221; However, Russell was a man who, if
+he made few friends, gave no excuse for enemies; and, in time, my
+intimacy with him, and occasional withdrawals from general college
+society in consequence, came to be regarded as a pardonable
+weakness&mdash;unaccountable, but past all help&mdash;a subject on which the
+would-be wisest of my friends shook their heads and said nothing.</p>
+
+<p>I think this new connection was of advantage to both parties. To myself
+it certainly was. I date the small gleams of good sense and
+sobermindedness which broke in upon my character at that critical period
+of life, solely from my intercourse with Charles Russell. He, on the
+other hand, had suffered greatly from the want of that sympathy and
+support which the strongest mind at times stands as much in need of as
+the weakest, and which in his peculiar position could only be purchased
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[Pg 25]</a></span>by an unreserved confidence. From any premeditated explanation he would
+have shrunk; nor would he ever, as he himself confessed, have made the
+avowal he did to me, had it not escaped him by a momentary impulse. But,
+having made it, he seemed a happier man. His reading, which before had
+been desultory and interrupted, was now taken up in earnest: and idly
+inclined as I was myself, I became, with the pseudo sort of generosity
+not uncommon at that age, so much more anxious for his future success
+than my own, that, in order to encourage him, I used to go to his rooms
+to read with him, and we had many a hard morning&#8217;s work together.</p>
+
+<p>We were very seldom interrupted by visitors: almost the only one was
+that unknown and unprepossessing friend of Russell&#8217;s who has been
+mentioned before&mdash;his own contradictory in almost every respect. Very
+uncouth and dirty-looking he was, and stuttered terribly&mdash;rather, it
+seemed, from diffidence than from any natural defect. He showed some
+surprise on the first two or three occasions in which he encountered me,
+and made an immediate attempt to back out of the room again: and though
+Russell invariably recalled him, and showed an evident anxiety to treat
+him with every consideration, he never appeared at his ease for a
+moment, and made his escape as soon as possible. Russell always fixed a
+time for seeing <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[Pg 26]</a></span>him again&mdash;usually the next day; and there was
+evidently some object in these interviews, into which, as it was no
+concern of mine, I never inquired particularly, as I had already been
+intrusted with a confidence rather unusual as the result of a few weeks&#8217;
+acquaintance; and on the subject of his friend&mdash;&#8220;poor Smith,&#8221; as he
+called him&mdash;Russell did not seem disposed to be communicative.</p>
+
+<p>Time wore on, and brought round the Christmas vacation. I thought it due
+to myself, as all young men do, to get up to town for a week or two if
+possible; and being lucky enough to have an old aunt occupying a very
+dark house, much too large for her, and who, being rather a prosy
+personage, a little deaf, and very opinionated, and therefore not a
+special object of attraction to her relations (her property was merely a
+life-interest), was very glad to get any one to come and see her&mdash;I
+determined to pay a visit, in which the score of obligations would be
+pretty equally balanced on both sides. On the one hand, the
+<i>t&ecirc;te-&agrave;-t&ecirc;te</i> dinners with the old lady, and her constant catechising
+about Oxford, were a decided bore to me; while it required some
+forbearance on her part to endure an inmate who constantly rushed into
+the drawing-room without wiping his boots, who had no taste for old
+china, and against whom the dear dog Petto had an unaccountable but
+decided antipathy. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[Pg 27]</a></span>(Poor dog! I fear he was ungrateful: I used to devil
+sponge biscuit internally for him after dinner, kept a snuff-box more
+for his use than my own, and prolonged his life, I feel confident, at
+least twelve months from apoplexy, by pulling hairs out of his tail with
+a pair of tweezers whenever he went to sleep.) On the other hand, my
+aunt had good wine, and I used to praise it; which was agreeable to both
+parties. She got me pleasant invitations, and was enabled herself to
+make her appearance in society with a live nephew in her suite, who in
+her eyes (I confess, reader, old aunts are partial) was a very eligible
+young man. So my visit, on the whole, was mutually agreeable and
+advantageous. I had my mornings to myself, gratifying the dowager
+occasionally by a drive with her in the afternoon; and we had sufficient
+engagements for our evenings to make each other&#8217;s sole society rather an
+unusual infliction. It is astonishing how much such an arrangement tends
+to keep people the best friends in the world.</p>
+
+<p>I had attended my respectable relation one evening (or rather she had
+attended me, for I believe she went more for my sake than her own) to a
+large evening party, which was a ball in everything but the name. Nearly
+all in the rooms were strangers to me; but I had plenty of
+introductions, and the night wore on pleasantly enough. I saw a dozen
+pretty faces I had never seen before, and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[Pg 28]</a></span>was scarcely likely to see
+again&mdash;the proportion of ugly ones I forbear to mention&mdash;and was
+prepared to bear the meeting and the parting with equal philosophy, when
+the sight of one very familiar face brought different scenes to my mind.
+Standing within half-a-dozen steps of me, and in close conversation with
+a lady, of whom I could see little besides a cluster of dark curls, was
+Ormiston, one of our college tutors, and one of the most universally
+popular men in Oxford. It would be wrong to say I was surprised to see
+him there or anywhere else, for his roll of acquaintance was most
+extensive, embracing all ranks and degrees; but I was very glad to see
+him, and made an almost involuntary dart forward in his direction. He
+saw me, smiled, and put out his hand, but did not seem inclined to enter
+into any conversation. I was turning away, when a sudden movement gave
+me a full view of the face of the lady to whom he had been talking. It
+was a countenance of that pale, clear, intellectual beauty, with a shade
+of sadness about the mouth, which one so seldom sees but in a picture,
+but which, when seen, haunts the imagination and the memory rather than
+excites passionate admiration. The eyes met mine, and, quite by
+accident, for the thoughts were evidently pre-occupied, retained for
+some moments the same fixed gaze with which I almost as unconsciously
+was regarding them. There was something in the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[Pg 29]</a></span>features which seemed
+not altogether unknown to me; and I was beginning to speculate on the
+possibility of any small heroine of my boyish admiration having shot up
+into such sweet womanhood&mdash;such changes soon occur&mdash;when the eyes became
+conscious, and the head was rapidly turned away. I lost her a moment
+afterwards in the crowd, and although I watched the whole of the time we
+remained, with an interest that amused myself, I could not see her
+again. She must have left the party early.</p>
+
+<p>So strong became the impression on my mind that it was a face I had
+known before, and so fruitless and tantalising were my efforts to give
+it &#8220;a local habitation and a name&#8221;&mdash;that I determined at last to
+question my aunt upon the subject, though quite aware of the imputation
+that would follow. The worst of it was, I had so few tangible marks and
+tokens by which to identify my interesting unknown. However, at
+breakfast next morning, I opened ground at once, in answer to my
+hostess&#8217;s remark that the rooms had been very full.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, they were: I wanted very much, my dear aunt, to have asked you the
+names of all the people; but you really were so much engaged, I had no
+opportunity.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ah! if you had come and sat by me, I could have told you all about
+them; but there were some very odd people there, too.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[Pg 30]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;There was one rather interesting-looking girl I did not see dancing
+much&mdash;tallish, with pearl earrings.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Where was she sitting? how was she dressed?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I had only seen her standing; I never noticed&mdash;I hardly think I could
+have seen&mdash;even the colour of her dress.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Not know how she was dressed? My dear Frank, how strange!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;All young ladies dress alike now, aunt; there&#8217;s really not much
+distinction; they seemed all black and white to me.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Certainly the balls don&#8217;t look half so gay as they used to do: a little
+colour gives cheerfulness, I think.&#8221; (The good old lady herself had worn
+crimson satin and a suite of chrysolites&mdash;if her theory were correct,
+she was enough to have spread a glow over the whole company.) &#8220;But let
+me see;&mdash;tall, with pearls, you say; dark hair and eyes?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You must mean Lucy Fielding.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Nonsense, my dear ma&#8217;am&mdash;I beg a thousand pardons; but I was introduced
+to Miss Fielding, and danced with her&mdash;she squints.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My dear Frank, don&#8217;t say such a thing!&mdash;she will have half the
+Strathinnis property when she comes of age. But let me see again. Had
+she a white rose in her hair?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[Pg 31]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;She had, I think; or something like it.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It might have been Lord Dunham&#8217;s youngest daughter, who has just come
+out&mdash;she was there for an hour or so?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No, no, aunt: I know her by sight too&mdash;a pale gawky thing, with an arm
+and hand like a prize-fighter&#8217;s&mdash;oh no!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Upon my word, my dear nephew, you young men give yourselves abominable
+airs: I call her a very fine young woman, and I have no doubt she will
+marry well, though she hasn&#8217;t much fortune. Was it Miss Cassilis,
+then?&mdash;white tulle over satin, looped with roses, with gold sprigs&#8221;&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And freckles to match: why, she&#8217;s as old as&#8221;&mdash;&mdash;; I felt myself on
+dangerous ground, and filled up the hiatus, I fear not very happily, by
+looking full at my aunt.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Not so very old, indeed, my dear: she refused a very good offer last
+season: she cannot possibly be above&#8221;&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh! spare the particulars, pray, my dear ma&#8217;am; but you could not have
+seen the girl I mean: I don&#8217;t think she staid after supper: I looked
+everywhere for her to ask who she was, but she must have been gone.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Really! I wish I could help you,&#8221; said my aunt with a very insinuating
+smile.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh,&#8221; said I, &#8220;what made me anxious to know who she was at the time, was
+simply that I saw <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[Pg 32]</a></span>her talking to an old friend of mine, whom you know
+something of, I believe; did you not meet Mr Ormiston somewhere last
+winter?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Mr Ormiston! oh, I saw him there last night! and now I know who you
+mean; it must have been Mary Russell, of course; she did wear pearls,
+and plain white muslin.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Russell!&mdash;what Russells are they?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Russell the banker&#8217;s daughter; I suppose nobody knows how many
+thousands she&#8217;ll have; but she is a very odd girl. Mr Ormiston is rather
+committed in that quarter, I fancy. Ah, he&#8217;s a very gentlemanly man,
+certainly, and an old friend of the family; but that match would never
+do. Why, he must be ten years older than she is, in the first place, and
+hasn&#8217;t a penny that I know of except his fellowship. No, no; she refused
+Sir John Maynard last winter, with a clear twelve thousand a-year; and
+angry enough her papa was about that, everybody says, though he never
+contradicts her; but she never will venture upon such a silly thing as a
+match with Mr Ormiston.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Won&#8217;t she?&#8221; said I mechanically, not having had time to collect my
+thoughts exactly.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;To be sure she won&#8217;t,&#8221; replied my aunt rather sharply. It certainly
+struck me that Mary Russell, from what her brother had told me, was a
+person very likely to show some little disregard of any conventional
+notions of what was, or what was not <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[Pg 33]</a></span>desirable in the matter of
+matrimony; but at the same time I inclined to agree with my aunt, that
+it was not very probable she would become Mrs Ormiston; indeed, I
+doubted any very serious intentions on his part. Fellows of colleges are
+usually somewhat lavish of admiration and attentions; but, as many young
+ladies know, very difficult to bring to book. Ormiston was certainly not
+a man to be influenced by the fortune which the banker&#8217;s daughter might
+reasonably be credited with; if anything made the matter seem serious,
+it was that his opinion of the sex in general&mdash;as thrown out in an
+occasional hint or sarcasm&mdash;seemed to border on a supercilious contempt.</p>
+
+<p>I did not meet Miss Russell again during my short stay in town; but two
+or three days after this conversation, in turning the corner of the
+street, I came suddenly upon Ormiston. I used to flatter myself with
+being rather a favourite of his&mdash;not from any conscious merit on my
+part, unless that, during the year of his deanship, when summoned before
+him for any small atrocities, and called to account for them, I never
+took up his time or my own by any of the usual somewhat questionable
+excuses, but awaited my fate, whether &#8220;imposition&#8221; or reprimand, in
+silence&mdash;a plan which, with him, answered very well, and saved
+occasionally some straining of conscience on one side, and credulity on
+the other. I tried it with <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[Pg 34]</a></span>his successor, who decided that I was
+contumacious, because, the first time I was absent from chapel, in reply
+to his interrogations I answered nothing, and upon his persevering, told
+him that I had been at a very late supper-party the night before. I
+think, then, I was rather a favourite of Ormiston&#8217;s. To say that he was
+a favourite of mine would be saying very little; for there could have
+been scarcely a man in college, of any degree of respectability, who
+would not have been ready to say the same. No man had a higher regard
+for the due maintenance of discipline, or his own dignity, and the
+reputation of the college; yet nowhere among the seniors could the
+undergraduate find a more judicious or a kinder friend. He had the art
+of mixing with them occasionally with all the unreservedness of an
+equal, without for a moment endangering the respect due to his position.
+There was no man you could ask a favour of&mdash;even if it infringed a
+little upon the strictness of college regulations&mdash;so readily as
+Ormiston; and no one appeared to retain more thoroughly some of his
+boyish tastes and recollections. He subscribed his five guineas to the
+boat, even after a majority of the fellows had induced our good old
+Principal, whose annual appearance at the river-side to cheer her at the
+races had seemed almost a part of his office, to promulgate a decree to
+the purport that boat-racing was <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[Pg 35]</a></span>immoral, and that no man engaged
+therein should find favour in the sight of the authorities. Yet, at the
+same time, Ormiston could give grave advice when needed; and give it in
+such a manner, that the most thoughtless among us received it as from a
+friend. And whenever he did administer a few words of pointed
+rebuke&mdash;and he did not spare it when any really discreditable conduct
+came under his notice&mdash;they fell the more heavily upon the delinquent,
+because the public sympathy was sure to be on the side of the judge. The
+art of governing young men is a difficult one, no doubt; but it is
+surprising that so few take any pains to acquire it. There were very few
+Ormistons, in my time, in the high places in Oxford.</p>
+
+<p>On that morning, however, Ormiston met me with evident embarrassment, if
+not with coolness. He started when he first saw me, and, had there been
+a chance of doing so with decency, looked as if he would have pretended
+not to recognise me. But we were too near for that, and our eyes met at
+once. I was really very glad to see him, and not at all inclined to be
+content with the short &#8220;How d&#8217;ye do?&#8221; so unlike his usual cordial
+greetings, with which he was endeavouring to hurry on; and there was a
+little curiosity afloat among my other feelings. So I fairly stopped him
+with a few of the usual inquiries, as to how long he had been in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[Pg 36]</a></span>town,
+&amp;c., and then plunged at once into the affair of the ball at which we
+had last met. He interrupted me at once.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;By the way,&#8221; said he, &#8220;have you heard of poor Russell&#8217;s business?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I actually shuddered, for I scarcely knew what was to follow. As
+composedly as I could, I simply said, &#8220;No.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;His father is ruined, they say&mdash;absolutely ruined. I suppose <i>that</i> is
+no secret by this time, at all events. He cannot possibly pay even a
+shilling in the pound.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I&#8217;m very sorry indeed to hear it,&#8221; was all I could say.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But do you know, Hawthorne,&#8221; continued Ormiston, taking my arm with
+something like his old manner, and no longer showing any anxiety to cut
+short our interview, &#8220;I am afraid this is not the worst of it. There is
+a report in the city this morning, I was told, that Mr Russell&#8217;s
+character is implicated by some rather unbusinesslike transactions. I
+believe you are a friend of poor Russell&#8217;s, and for that reason I
+mention it to you in confidence. He may not be aware of it; but the
+rumour is, that his father <i>dare</i> not show himself again here: that he
+has left England I know to be a fact.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And his daughter?&mdash;Miss Russell?&#8221; I asked involuntarily&mdash;&#8220;his children,
+I mean&mdash;where are they?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[Pg 37]</a></span></p><p>I thought Ormiston&#8217;s colour heightened; but he was not a man to show
+much visible emotion. &#8220;Charles Russell and his sister are still in
+London,&#8221; he replied; &#8220;I have just seen them. They know their father has
+left for the Continent; I hope they do <i>not</i> know all the reasons. I am
+very sincerely sorry for young Russell; it will be a heavy blow to him,
+and I fear he will find his circumstances bitterly changed. Of course he
+will have to leave Oxford.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I suppose so,&#8221; said I; &#8220;no one can feel more for him than I do. It was
+well, perhaps, that this did not happen in term time.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It has spared him some mortification, certainly. You will see him,
+perhaps, before you leave town; he will take it kind. And if you have
+any influence with him&mdash;(he will be inclined to listen just now to you,
+perhaps, more than to me; being more of his own age, he will give you
+credit for entering into his feelings)&mdash;do try and dissuade him from
+forming any wild schemes, to which he seems rather inclined. He has some
+kind friends, no doubt; and remember, if there is anything in which I
+can be of use to him, he shall have my aid even to the half of my
+kingdom&mdash;that is, my tutorship.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>And with a smile and tone which seemed a mixture of jest and earnest, Mr
+Ormiston wished me good-morning. He was to leave for Oxford that night.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[Pg 38]</a></span></p><p>Of Russell&#8217;s address in town I was up to this moment ignorant, but
+resolved to find it out, and see him before my return to the University.
+The next morning, however, a note arrived from him, containing a simple
+request that I would call. I found him at the place from which he
+wrote&mdash;one of those dull quiet streets that lead out of the Strand&mdash;in
+very humble lodgings; his father&#8217;s private establishment having been
+given up, it appeared, immediately. The moment we met, I saw at once, as
+I expected, that the blow which to Ormiston had naturally seemed so
+terrible a one&mdash;no less than the loss, to a young man, of the wealth,
+rank, and prospects in life to which he had been taught to look
+forward&mdash;had been, in fact, to Russell a merciful relief. The failure of
+that long-celebrated and trusted house, which was causing in the public
+mind, according to the papers, so much &#8220;consternation&#8221; and &#8220;excitement,&#8221;
+was to him a consummation long foreseen, and scarcely dreaded. It was
+only the shadow of wealth and happiness which he had lost now; its
+substance had vanished long since. And the conscious hollowness and
+hypocrisy, as he called it, of his late position, had been a far more
+bitter trial to a mind like his, than any which could result from its
+exposure. He was one to hail with joy any change which brought him back
+to truth and reality, no matter how rude and sudden the revulsion.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[Pg 39]</a></span></p><p>He met me with a smile; a really honest, almost a light-hearted smile.
+&#8220;It is come at last, Hawthorne; perhaps it would be wrong, or I feel as
+if I could say, thank God. There is but one point which touches me at
+all; what do they say about my father?&#8221; I told him&mdash;fortunately, my
+acquaintance lying but little among men of business, I could tell him so
+honestly&mdash;that I had heard nothing stated to his discredit.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, well; but they will soon. Oh! Hawthorne; the utter misery, the
+curse that money-making brings with it! That joining house to house, and
+field to field, how it corrupts all the better part of a man&#8217;s nature! I
+vow to you, I believe my father would have been an honest man if he had
+but been a poor one! If he had never had anything to do with interest
+tables, and had but spent his capital, instead of trying to double and
+redouble it! One thing I have to thank him for; that he never would
+suffer me to imbibe any taste for business; he knew the evil and the
+pollution money-handling brings with it&mdash;I am sure he did; he encouraged
+me, I fear, in extravagance; but I bless him that he never encouraged me
+in covetousness.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>He grew a little calmer by degrees, and we sat down and took counsel as
+to his future plans. He was not, of course, without friends, and had
+already had many offers of assistance for himself and his <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[Pg 40]</a></span>sister; but
+his heart appeared, for the present, firmly bent upon independence. Much
+to my surprise, he decided on returning at once to Oxford, and reading
+for his degree. His sister had some little property settled upon
+her&mdash;some hundred and fifty pounds a-year; and this she had insisted on
+devoting to this purpose.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I love her too well,&#8221; said Russell, &#8220;to refuse her: and trifling as
+this sum is,&mdash;I remember the time when I should have thought it little
+to keep me in gloves and handkerchiefs&mdash;yet, with management, it will be
+more than I shall spend in Oxford. Of course, I play the
+gentleman-commoner no longer; I shall descend to the plain stuff gown.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You&#8217;ll go to a hall, of course?&#8221; said I; for I concluded he would at
+least avoid the mortification of so palpable a confession of reduced
+circumstances as this degradation of rank in his old college would be.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I can see no occasion for it; that is, if they will allow me to change;
+I have done nothing to be ashamed of, and shall be much happier than I
+was before. I only strike my false colours; and you know they were never
+carried willingly.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I did not attempt to dissuade him, and soon after rose to take my leave.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I cannot ask my sister to see you now,&#8221; he said, as we shook hands:
+&#8220;she is not equal to it. But some other time, I hope&#8221;&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[Pg 41]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;At any other time, I shall be most proud of the introduction. By the
+way, have you seen Ormiston? He met me this morning, and sent some kind
+messages, to offer any service in his power.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;He did, did he?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes; and, depend upon it, he will do all he can for you in college; you
+don&#8217;t know him very well, I think; but I am sure he takes an interest in
+you now, at all events,&#8221; I continued, &#8220;and no man is a more sincere and
+zealous friend.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I beg your pardon, Hawthorne, but I fancy I <i>do</i> know Mr Ormiston very
+well.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh! I remember, there seemed some coolness between you, because you
+never would accept his invitations. Ormiston thought you were too proud
+to dine with him; and then <i>his</i> pride, which he has his share of, took
+fire. But that misunderstanding must be all over now.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My dear Hawthorne, I believe Mr Ormiston and I understand each other
+perfectly. Good-morning; I am sorry to seem abrupt, but I have a host of
+things, not the most agreeable, to attend to.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It seemed quite evident that there was some little prejudice on
+Russell&#8217;s part against Ormiston. Possibly he did not like his attentions
+to his sister. But that was no business of mine, and I knew the other
+too well to doubt his earnest wish to aid and encourage a man of
+Russell&#8217;s high principles, and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[Pg 42]</a></span>in his unfortunate position. None of us
+always know our best friends.</p>
+
+<p>The step which Russell had resolved on taking was, of course, an unusual
+one. Even the college authorities strongly advised him to remove his
+name to the books of one of the halls, where he would enter
+comparatively as a stranger, and where his altered position would not
+entail so many painful feelings. Every facility was offered him of doing
+so at one of them where a relative of our Principal&#8217;s was the head, and
+even a saving in expense might thus be effected. But this evident
+kindness and consideration on their part, only confirmed him in the
+resolution of remaining where he was. He met their representations with
+the graceful reply, that he had an attachment to the college which did
+not depend upon the rank he held in it, and that he trusted he should
+not be turned out of two homes at once. Even the heart of the splenetic
+little vice-principal was moved by this genuine tribute to the venerable
+walls, which to him, as his mistress&#8217;s girdle to the poet, encircled all
+he loved, or hoped, or cared for; and had the date been some century
+earlier&mdash;in those remarkable times when a certain fellow was said to
+have owed his election into that body to a wondrous knack he had at
+compounding sherry-posset&mdash;it is probable Charles Russell would have
+stepped into a fellowship by special license at once.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[Pg 43]</a></span></p><p>He had harder work before him, however, and he set stoutly to it. He got
+permission to lodge out of college&mdash;a privilege quite unusual, and
+apparently without any sufficient object in his case. A day or two after
+his return, he begged me to go with him to see the rooms he had taken:
+and I was surprised to find that although small, and not in a good part
+of the town, they were furnished in a style by no means, I thought, in
+accordance with the strict economy I knew him to be practising in every
+other respect. They contained, on a small scale, all the appointments of
+a lady&#8217;s drawing-room. It was soon explained. His sister was coming to
+live with him. &#8220;We are but two, now,&#8221; said Russell in explanation; &#8220;and
+though poor Mary has been offered what might have been a comfortable
+home elsewhere, which perhaps would have been more prudent, we both
+thought, why should we be separated? As to these little things you see,
+they are nearly all hers: we offered them to the creditors, but even the
+lawyers would not touch them: and here Mary and I shall live. Very
+strange, you think, for her to be here in Oxford with no one to take
+care of her but me; but she does not mind that, and we shall be
+together. However, Hawthorne, we shall keep a dragon: there is an old
+housekeeper who would not be turned off, and she comes down with Mary,
+and may pass for her aunt, if that&#8217;s all; so don&#8217;t, pray, be shocked at
+us.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[Pg 44]</a></span></p><p>And so the old housekeeper did come down, and Mary with her; and under
+such guardianship, a brother and an old servant, was that fair girl
+installed within the perilous precincts of the University of Oxford;
+perilous in more senses than one, as many a speculative and disappointed
+mamma can testify, whose daughters, brought to market at the annual
+&#8220;show&#8221; at commemoration, have left uncaught those dons of dignity, and
+heirs-apparent of property, whom they ought to have caught, and caught
+those well-dressed and good-looking, but undesirable young men, whom
+they ought not to have caught. Mary Russell, however, was in little
+peril herself, and, as little as she could help it, an occasion of peril
+to others. Seldom did she move out from her humble abode, except for an
+early morning walk with her brother, or sometimes leaning on the arm of
+her old domestic, so plainly dressed that you might have mistaken her
+for her daughter, and wondered how those intensely expressive features,
+and queen-like graces, should have been bestowed by nature on one so
+humble. Many a thoughtful student, pacing slowly the parks or
+Christchurch meadow after early chapel, book in hand, cheating himself
+into the vain idea that he was taking a healthful walk, and roused by
+the flutter of approaching female dress, and unwillingly looking up to
+avoid the possible and unwelcome collision with a smirking nurse-maid
+and an unresisting <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[Pg 45]</a></span>baby&mdash;has met those eyes, and spoilt his reading for
+the morning; or has paused in the running tour of Headington hill, or
+Magdalen walk (by which he was endeavouring to cram his whole allotted
+animal exercise for the day into an hour), as that sweet vision crossed
+his path, and wondered in his heart by what happy tie of relationship,
+or still dearer claim, his fellow-undergraduate had secured to himself
+so lovely a companion; and has tried in vain, over his solitary
+breakfast, to rid himself of the heterodox notion which would still
+creep in upon his thoughts, that in the world there might be, after all,
+things better worth living and working for, prizes more valuable&mdash;and
+perhaps not harder to win&mdash;than a first class, and living impersonations
+of the beautiful which Aristotle had unaccountably left out. Forgive me,
+dear reader, if I seem to be somewhat sentimental: I am not, and I
+honestly believe I never was, in love with Mary Russell; I am not&mdash;I
+fear I never was or shall be&mdash;much of a reading man or an early riser;
+but I will confess, it would have been a great inducement to me to adopt
+such habits, if I could have insured such pleasant company in my morning
+walks.</p>
+
+<p>To the general world of Oxford, for a long time, I have no doubt the
+very existence of such a jewel within it was unknown; for at the hours
+when liberated tutors and idle undergraduates are wont to walk abroad,
+Mary was sitting, hid within a little <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[Pg 46]</a></span>ambush of geraniums, either busy
+at her work, or helping&mdash;as she loved to fancy she helped him&mdash;her
+brother at his studies. Few men, I believe, ever worked harder than
+Russell did in his last year. With the exception of the occasional early
+walk, and the necessary attendance at chapel and lecture, he read hard
+nearly the whole day; and I always attributed the fact of his being able
+to do so with comparatively little effort, and no injury to his health,
+to his having such a sweet face always present, to turn his eyes upon,
+when wearied with a page of Greek, and such a kind voice always ready to
+speak or to be silent.</p>
+
+<p>It was not for want of access to any other society that Mary Russell
+spent her time so constantly with her brother. The Principal, with his
+usual kind-heartedness, had insisted&mdash;a thing he seldom did&mdash;upon his
+lady making her acquaintance; and though Mrs Meredith, who plumed
+herself much upon her dignity, had made some show of resistance at first
+to calling upon a young lady who was living in lodgings by herself in
+one of the most out-of-the-way streets in Oxford, yet, after her first
+interview with Miss Russell, so much did her sweetness of manner win
+upon Mrs Principal&#8217;s fancy&mdash;or perhaps it will be doing that lady but
+justice to say, so much did her more than orphan unprotectedness and
+changed fortunes soften the woman&#8217;s heart that beat beneath that
+formidable exterior of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[Pg 47]</a></span>silk and ceremony, that before the first ten
+minutes of what had been intended as a very condescending and very
+formal call were over, she had been offered a seat in Mrs Meredith&#8217;s
+official pew in St Mary&#8217;s; the pattern of a mysterious bag, which that
+good lady carried everywhere about with her, it was believed for no
+other purpose; and an airing the next day behind the fat old greys,
+which their affectionate coachman&mdash;in commemoration of his master&#8217;s
+having purchased them at the time he held that dignity&mdash;always called by
+the name of the &#8220;Vice-Chancellors.&#8221; Possibly an absurd incident, which
+Mary related with great glee to her brother and myself, had helped to
+thaw the ice in which &#8220;our governess&#8221; usually encased herself. When the
+little girl belonging to the lodgings opened the door to these dignified
+visitors, upon being informed that Miss Russell was at home, the
+Principal gave the name simply as &#8220;Dr and Mrs Meredith:&#8221; which, not
+appearing to his more pompous half at all calculated to convey a due
+impression of the honour conveyed by the visit, she corrected him, and
+in a tone quite audible&mdash;as indeed every word of the conversation had
+been&mdash;up the half-dozen steep stairs which led to the little
+drawing-room, gave out &#8220;the Master of &mdash;&mdash; and lady, if you please.&#8221; The
+word &#8220;master&#8221; was quite within the comprehension of the little domestic,
+and dropping an additional courtesy of respect to an office which
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[Pg 48]</a></span>reminded her of her catechism and the Sunday school, she selected the
+appropriate feminine from her own vocabulary, and threw open the door
+with &#8220;the master and mistress of &mdash;&mdash;, if you please, Miss.&#8221; Dr Meredith
+laughed, as he entered, so heartily, that even Mary could not help
+smiling, and the &#8220;mistress,&#8221; seeing the odds against her, smiled too. An
+acquaintance begun in such good humour, could hardly assume a very
+formal character; and, in fact, had Mary Russell not resolutely declined
+all society, Mrs Meredith would have felt rather a pleasure in
+patronising her. But both her straitened means and the painful
+circumstances of her position&mdash;her father already spoken of almost as a
+criminal&mdash;led her to court strict retirement; while she clung with
+redoubled affection to her brother. He, on his part, seemed to have
+improved in health and spirits since his change of fortunes; the
+apparent haughtiness and coldness with which many had charged him
+before, had quite vanished; he showed no embarrassment, far less any
+consciousness of degradation, in his conversation with any of his old
+messmates at the gentlemen-commoners&#8217; table; and, though his
+communication with the college was but comparatively slight, nearly all
+his time being spent in his lodgings, he was becoming quite a popular
+character.</p>
+
+<p>Meanwhile, a change of a different kind seemed to be coming over
+Ormiston. It was remarked, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[Pg 49]</a></span>even by those not much given to observation,
+that his lectures, which were once considered endurable, even by idle
+men, from his happy talent of remark and illustration, were fast
+becoming as dull and uninteresting as the common run of all such
+business. Moreover, he had been in the habit of giving, occasionally,
+capital dinners, invitations to which were sent out frequently and
+widely among the young men of his own college; these ceased almost
+entirely; or, when they occurred, had but the shadow of their former
+joyousness. Even some of the fellows were known to have remarked that
+Ormiston was much altered lately; some said he was engaged to be
+married&mdash;a misfortune which would account for any imaginable
+eccentricities; but one of the best of the college livings falling
+vacant about the time, and, on its refusal by the two senior fellows,
+coming within Ormiston&#8217;s acceptance, and being passed by him, tended
+very much to do away with any suspicion of that kind.</p>
+
+<p>Between him and Russell there was an evident coolness, though noticed by
+few men but myself; yet Ormiston always spoke most kindly of him, while
+on Russell&#8217;s part there seemed to be a feeling almost approaching to
+bitterness, ill concealed, whenever the tutor became the subject of
+conversation. I pressed him once or twice upon the subject, but he
+always affected to misunderstand me, or laughed off any sarcastic remark
+he might have <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[Pg 50]</a></span>made, as meaning nothing; so that at last the name was
+seldom mentioned between us, and almost the only point on which we
+differed seemed to be our estimation of Ormiston.</p>
+
+<h3>CHAPTER II.</h3>
+
+<p>It was the last night of the boat-races. All Oxford, town and gown, was
+on the move between Iffley and Christchurch meadow. The reading man had
+left his ethics only half understood, the rowing man his bottle more
+than half finished, to enjoy as beautiful a summer evening as ever
+gladdened the banks of Isis. One continued heterogeneous living stream
+was pouring on from St &#8220;<i>Ole&#8217;s</i>&#8221; to King&#8217;s barge, and thence across the
+river in punts, down to the starting-place by the lasher. One moment
+your tailor puffed a cigar in your face, and the next, just as you made
+some critical remark to your companion on the pretty girl you just
+passed, and turned round to catch a second glimpse of her, you trod on
+the toes of your college tutor. The contest that evening was of more
+than ordinary interest. The new Oriel boat, a London-built clipper, an
+innovation in those days, had bumped its other competitor easily in the
+previous race, and only Christchurch now stood between her and the head
+of the river. And would they, could <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[Pg 51]</a></span>they, bump Christchurch to-night?
+That was the question to which, for the time being, the coming
+examination and the coming St Leger both gave way. Christchurch, that
+had not been bumped for ten years before&mdash;whose old blue and white flag
+stuck at the top of the mast as if it had been nailed there&mdash;whose motto
+on the river had so long been &#8220;Nulli secundus?&#8221; It was an important
+question, and the Christchurch men evidently thought so. Steersman and
+pullers had been summoned up from the country, as soon as that
+impertinent new boat had begun to show symptoms of being a dangerous
+antagonist, by the rapid progress she was making from the bottom towards
+the head of the racing-boats. The old heroes of bygone contests were
+enlisted again, like the Roman legionaries, to fight the battles of
+their <i>vexillum</i>, the little three-cornered bit of blue-and-white silk
+before mentioned; and the whole betting society of Oxford were divided
+into two great parties, the Oriel and the Christchurch,&mdash;the supporters
+of the old, or of the new dynasty of eight oars.</p>
+
+<p>Never was signal more impatiently waited for than the pistol-shot which
+was to set the boats in motion that night. Hark! &#8220;Gentlemen,
+are&mdash;you&mdash;ready?&#8221; &#8220;No, no!&#8221; shouts some umpire, dissatisfied with the
+position of his own boat at the moment. &#8220;Gentlemen, are&mdash;you&mdash;ready?&#8221;
+Again &#8220;No, no, no!&#8221; How provoking! Christchurch and Oriel <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[Pg 52]</a></span>both
+beautifully placed, and that provoking Exeter, or Worcester, or some
+boat that no one but its own crew takes the slightest interest in
+to-night, right across the river! And it will be getting dusk soon. Once
+more&mdash;and even Wyatt, the starter, is getting impatient&mdash;&#8220;Are you
+ready?&#8221; Still a cry of &#8220;No, no,&#8221; from some crew who evidently never will
+be satisfied. But there goes the pistol. They&#8217;re off, by all that&#8217;s
+glorious! &#8220;Now Oriel!&#8221; &#8220;Now Christchurch!&#8221; Hurrah! beautifully are both
+boats pulled&mdash;how they lash along the water! Oriel gains evidently! But
+they have not got into their speed yet, and the light boat has the best
+of it at starting. &#8220;Hurrah, Oriel, it&#8217;s all your own way!&#8221; &#8220;Now,
+Christchurch, away with her!&#8221; Scarcely is an eye turned on the boats
+behind; and, indeed, the two first are going fast away from them. They
+reach the Gut, and at the turn Oriel presses her rival hard. The cheers
+are deafening; bets are three to one. She must bump her! &#8220;Now,
+Christchurch, go to work in the straight water!&#8221; Never did a crew pull
+so well, and never at such a disadvantage. Their boat is a tub compared
+with the Oriel. See how she buries her bow at every stroke. Hurrah,
+Christchurch! The old boat for ever! Those last three strokes gained a
+yard on Oriel! She holds her own still! Away they go, those old steady
+practised oars, with that long slashing stroke, and the strength and
+pluck begins <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[Pg 53]</a></span>to tell. Well pulled, Oriel! Now for it! Not an oar out of
+time, but as true together as a set of teeth! But it won&#8217;t do! Still
+Christchurch, by sheer dint of muscle, keeps her distance, and the old
+flag floats triumphant yet another year.</p>
+
+<p>Nearly hustled to death in the rush up with the racing boats, I panted
+into the stern sheets of a four-oar lying under the bank, in which I saw
+Leicester and some others of my acquaintance. &#8220;Well, Horace,&#8221; said I,
+&#8220;what do you think of Christchurch now?&#8221; (I had sufficient Tory
+principle about me at all times to be a zealous supporter of the &#8220;old
+cause,&#8221; even in the matter of boat-racing.) &#8220;How are your bets upon the
+London clipper, eh?&#8221; &#8220;Lost, by Jove,&#8221; said he; &#8220;but Oriel ought to have
+done it to-night; why, they bumped all the other boats easily, and
+Christchurch was not so much better; but it was the old oars coming up
+from the country that did it. But what on earth is all that rush about
+up by the barges? They surely are not going to fight it out after all?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Something had evidently occurred which was causing great confusion; the
+cheering a moment before had been deafening from the partisans of
+Christchurch, as the victorious crew, pale and exhausted with the
+prodigious efforts they had made, mustered their last strength to throw
+their oars aloft in triumph, and then slowly, one by one, ascended into
+the house-boat which formed their <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[Pg 54]</a></span>floating dressing-room; it had now
+suddenly ceased, and confused shouts and murmurs, rather of alarm than
+of triumph, were heard instead: men were running to and fro on both
+banks of the river, but the crowd both in the boats on the river and on
+shore made it impossible for us to see what was going on. We scrambled
+up the bank, and were making for the scene of action, when one of the
+river-officials ran hastily by in the direction of Iffley.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What&#8217;s the matter, Jack?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Punt gone down, sir,&#8221; he replied without stopping; &#8220;going for the
+drags.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Anybody drowning?&#8221; we shouted after him.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Don&#8217;t know how many was in her, sir,&#8221; sung out Jack in the distance. We
+ran on. The confusion was terrible; every one was anxious to be of use,
+and more likely therefore to increase the danger. The punt which had
+sunk had been, as usual on such occasions, overloaded with men, some of
+whom had soon made good their footing on the neighbouring barges; others
+were still clinging to their sides, or by their endeavours to raise
+themselves into some of the light wherries and four oars, which, with
+more zeal than prudence, were crowding to their assistance, were
+evidently bringing a new risk upon themselves and their rescuers. Two of
+the last of the racing eights, too, coming up to the winning-post at the
+moment of the accident, and endeavouring <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[Pg 55]</a></span>vainly to back water in time,
+had run into each other, and lay helplessly across the channel, adding
+to the confusion, and preventing the approach of more efficient aid to
+the parties in the water. For some minutes it seemed that the disaster
+must infallibly extend itself. One boat, whose crew had incautiously
+crowded too much to one side, in their eagerness to aid one of the
+sufferers in his struggles to get on board, had already been upset,
+though fortunately not in the deepest water, so that the men, with a
+little assistance, easily got on shore. Hundreds were vociferating
+orders and advice, which few could hear, and none attended to. The most
+effectual aid that had been rendered was the launching of two large
+planks from the University barge, with ropes attached to them, which
+several of those who had been immersed succeeded in reaching, and so
+were towed safely ashore. Still, however, several were seen struggling
+in the water, two or three with evidently relaxing efforts; and the
+unfortunate punt, which had righted and come up again, though full of
+water, had two of her late passengers clinging to her gunwale, and thus
+barely keeping their heads above the water&#8217;s edge. The watermen had done
+their utmost to be of service, but the University men crowded so rashly
+into every punt that put off to the aid of their companions, that their
+efforts would have been comparatively abortive, had not one of the
+pro-proctors <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[Pg 56]</a></span>jumped into one, with two steady hands, and
+authoritatively ordering every man back who attempted to accompany him,
+reached the middle of the river, and having rescued those who were in
+most imminent danger, succeeded in clearing a sufficient space round the
+spot to enable the drags to be used (for it was quite uncertain whether
+there might not still be some individuals missing). Loud cheers from
+each bank followed this very sensible and seasonable exercise of
+authority; another boat, by this example, was enabled to disencumber
+herself of superfluous hands, and by their united exertions all who
+could be seen in the water were soon picked up and placed in safety.
+When the excitement had in some degree subsided, there followed a
+suspense which was even more painful, as the drags were slowly moved
+again and again across the spot where the accident had taken place.
+Happily our alarm proved groundless. One body was recovered, not an
+University man, and in his case the means promptly used to restore
+animation were successful. But it was not until late in the evening that
+the search was given up, and even the next morning it was a sensible
+relief to hear that no college had found any of its members missing.</p>
+
+<p>I returned to my rooms as soon as all reasonable apprehension of a fatal
+result had subsided, though before the men had left off dragging; and
+was somewhat surprised, and at first amused, to recognise, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[Pg 57]</a></span>sitting
+before the fire in the disguise of my own dressing-gown and slippers,
+Charles Russell.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Hah! Russell, what brings you here at this time of night?&#8221; said I;
+&#8220;however, I&#8217;m very glad to see you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, I&#8217;m not sorry to find myself here, I can tell you; I have been in
+a less comfortable place to-night.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What do you mean?&#8221; said I, as a suspicion of the truth flashed upon
+me&mdash;&#8220;Surely&#8221;&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I have been in the water, that&#8217;s all,&#8221; replied Russell quietly; &#8220;don&#8217;t
+be alarmed, my good fellow, I&#8217;m all right now. John has made me quite at
+home here, you see. We found your clothes a pretty good fit, got up a
+capital fire at last, and I was only waiting for you to have some
+brandy-and-water. Now, don&#8217;t look so horrified, pray.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>In spite of his good spirits, I thought he looked pale; and I was
+somewhat shocked at the danger he had been in&mdash;more so from the
+suddenness of the information.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why,&#8221; said I, as I began to recall the circumstance, &#8220;Leicester and I
+came up not two minutes after it happened, and watched nearly every man
+that was got out. You could not have been in the water long then, I
+hope?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Nay, as to that,&#8221; said Russell, &#8220;it seemed long enough to me, I can
+tell you, though I don&#8217;t recollect all of it. I got underneath a punt or
+something, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[Pg 58]</a></span>which prevented my coming up as soon as I ought.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;How did you get out at last?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why, that I don&#8217;t quite remember; I found myself on the walk by King&#8217;s
+barge; but they had to turn me upside down, I fancy, to empty me. I&#8217;ll
+take that brandy by itself, Hawthorne, for I think I have the necessary
+quantity of water stowed away already.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Good heavens! don&#8217;t joke about it; why, what an escape you must have
+had!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, seriously then, Hawthorne, I <i>have</i> had a very narrow escape, for
+which I am very thankful; but I don&#8217;t want to alarm any one about it,
+for fear it should reach my sister&#8217;s ears, which I very much wish to
+avoid, for the present at all events. So I came up to your rooms here as
+soon as I could walk. Luckily, John saw me down at the water, so I came
+up with him, and got rid of a good many civil people who offered their
+assistance; and I have sent down to the lodgings to tell Mary I have
+staid to supper with you; so I shall get home quietly, and she will know
+nothing about this business. Fortunately, she is not in the way of
+hearing much Oxford gossip, poor girl!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Russell sat with me about an hour, and then, as he said he felt very
+comfortable, I walked home with him to the door of his lodgings, where I
+wished him good night, and returned.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[Pg 59]</a></span></p><p>I had intended to have paid him an early visit the next morning; but
+somehow I was lazier than usual, and had scarcely bolted my commons in
+time to get to lecture. This over, I was returning to my rooms, when my
+scout met me.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, sir,&#8221; said he, &#8220;Mr Smith has just been here, and wanted to see you,
+he said, particular.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Mr Smith? Of all the gentlemen there might be of that name in Oxford, I
+thought I had not the honour of a personal acquaintance with one.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Mr Russell&#8217;s Mr Smith, sir,&#8221; explained John: &#8220;the little gentleman as
+used to come to his rooms so often.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I walked up the staircase, ruminating within myself what possible
+business &#8220;poor Smith&#8221; could have with me, of whom he had usually
+appeared to entertain a degree of dread. Something to do with Russell,
+probably. And I had half resolved to take the opportunity to call upon
+him, and try to make out who and what he was, and how he and Russell
+came to be so intimately acquainted. I had scarcely stuck old Herodotus
+back into his place on the shelf, however, when there came a gentle tap
+at the door, and the little Bible-clerk made his appearance. All
+diffidence and shyness had wholly vanished from his manner. There was an
+earnest expression in his countenance which struck me even before he
+spoke. I had scarcely time to utter the most commonplace civility, when,
+without <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[Pg 60]</a></span>attempt at explanation or apology, he broke out with&mdash;&#8220;Oh, Mr
+Hawthorne, have you seen Russell this morning?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No,&#8221; said I, thinking he might possibly have heard some false report of
+the late accident&mdash;&#8220;but he was in my rooms last night, and none the
+worse for his wetting.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, yes, yes! I know that; but pray, come down and see him now&mdash;he is
+very, very ill, I fear.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You don&#8217;t mean it? What on earth is the matter?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh! he has been in a high fever all last night! and they say he is
+worse this morning&mdash;Dr Wilson and Mr Lane are both with him&mdash;and poor
+Miss Russell!&mdash;he does not know her&mdash;not know his sister; and oh, Mr
+Hawthorne, he must be <i>very</i> ill! and they won&#8217;t let me go to him!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>And poor Smith threw himself into a chair, and fairly burst into tears.</p>
+
+<p>I was very much distressed too: but, at the moment, I really believe I
+felt more pity for the poor lad before me, than even apprehension for my
+friend Russell. I went up to him, shook his hand, and begged him to
+compose himself. Delirium, I assured him&mdash;and tried hard to assure
+myself&mdash;was the usual concomitant of fever, and not at all alarming.
+Russell had taken a chill, no doubt, from the unlucky business of the
+last evening, but there could not be much danger in so short a time.
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[Pg 61]</a></span>&#8220;And now, Smith,&#8221; said I, &#8220;just take a glass of wine, and you and I
+will go down together, and I dare say we shall find him better by this
+time.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, thank you, thank you,&#8221; he replied; &#8220;you are very kind&mdash;very kind
+indeed&mdash;no wine, thank you&mdash;I could not drink it: but oh! if they would
+only let me see him! And poor Miss Russell! and no one to attend to him
+but her!&mdash;but will you come down now directly?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>My own anxiety was not less than his, and in a very few minutes we were
+at the door of Russell&#8217;s lodgings. The answer to our inquiries was, that
+he was in much the same state, and that he was to be kept perfectly
+quiet; the old housekeeper was in tears; and although she said Dr Wilson
+told them he hoped there would be a change for the better soon, it was
+evident that poor Russell was at present in imminent danger.</p>
+
+<p>I sent up my compliments to Miss Russell to offer my services in any way
+in which they could be made available; but nothing short of the most
+intimate acquaintance could have justified any attempt to see her at
+present, and we left the house. I thought I should never have got Smith
+from the door; he seemed thoroughly overcome. I begged him to come with
+me back to my rooms&mdash;a Bible-clerk has seldom too many friends in the
+University, and it seemed cruel to leave him by himself in such evident
+distress of mind. Attached as I was to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[Pg 62]</a></span>Russell myself, his undisguised
+grief really touched me, and almost made me reproach myself with being
+comparatively unfeeling. At any other time, I fear it might have annoyed
+me to encounter as I did the inquisitive looks of some of my friends, as
+I entered the college gates arm-in-arm with my newly-found and somewhat
+strange-looking acquaintance. As it was, the only feeling that arose in
+my mind was a degree of indignation that any man should venture to throw
+a supercilious glance at him; and if I longed to replace his shabby and
+ill-cut coat by something more gentlemanly in appearance, it was for his
+sake, and not my own.</p>
+
+<p>And now it was that, for the first time, I learnt the connection that
+existed between the Bible-clerk and the quondam gentleman-commoner.
+Smith&#8217;s father had been for many years a confidential clerk in Mr
+Russell&#8217;s bank; for Mr Russell&#8217;s bank it was solely, the Smith who had
+been one of the original partners having died some two generations back,
+though the name of the firm, as is not unusual, had been continued
+without alteration. The clerk was a poor relation, in some distant
+degree, of the some-time partner: his father, too, had been a clerk
+before him. By strict carefulness, he had saved some little money during
+his many years of hard work: and this, by special favour on the part of
+Mr Russell, he had been allowed to invest in the bank capital, and
+thereby to receive a higher rate of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[Pg 63]</a></span>interest for it than he could
+otherwise have obtained. The elder Smith&#8217;s great ambition&mdash;indeed it was
+his only ambition&mdash;for the prosperity of the bank itself he looked upon
+as a law of nature, which did not admit of the feeling of hope, as being
+a fixed and immutable certainty&mdash;his ambition was to bring up his son as
+a gentleman. Mr Russell would have given him a stool and a desk, and he
+might have aspired hereafter to his father&#8217;s situation, which would have
+assured him &pound;250 per annum. But somehow the father did not wish the son
+to tread in his own steps. Perhaps the close confinement, and
+unrefreshing relaxations of a London clerk, had weighed heavily upon his
+own youthful spirits: perhaps he was anxious to spare the son of his old
+age&mdash;for, like a prudent man, he had not married until late in
+life&mdash;from the unwholesome toils of the counting-house, varied only too
+often by the still less wholesome dissipation of the evening. At all
+events, his visions for him were not of annually increasing salaries,
+and future independence: of probable partnerships, and possible
+lord-mayoralties; but of some cottage among green trees, far away in the
+quiet country, where, even as a country parson, people would touch their
+hats to him as they did to Mr Russell himself, and where, when the time
+should come for superannuation and a pension&mdash;the house had always
+behaved liberally to its old servants&mdash;his own last days might be
+happily <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[Pg 64]</a></span>spent in listening to his son&#8217;s sermons, and smoking his
+pipe&mdash;if such a thing were lawful&mdash;in the porch of the parsonage. So
+while the principal was carefully training his heir to enact the
+fashionable man at Oxford, and in due time to take his place among the
+squires of England, and shunning, as if with a kind of remorseful
+conscience, to make him a sharer in his own contaminating speculations;
+the humble official too, but from far purer motives, was endeavouring in
+his degree, perhaps unconsciously, to deliver his boy from the snares of
+Mammon. And when Charles Russell was sent to the University, many were
+the inquiries which Smith&#8217;s anxious parent made, among knowing friends,
+about the expenses and advantages of an Oxford education. And various,
+according to each individual&#8217;s sanguine or saturnine temperament, were
+the answers he obtained, and tending rather to his bewilderment than
+information. One intimate acquaintance assured him, that the necessary
+expenses of an undergraduate <i>need</i> not exceed a hundred pounds per
+annum: another&mdash;he was somewhat of a sporting character&mdash;did not believe
+any young man could do the thing like a gentleman under five. So Mr
+Smith would probably have given up his darling project for his son in
+despair, if he had not fortunately thought of consulting Mr Russell
+himself upon the point; and that gentleman, though somewhat surprised at
+his clerk&#8217;s <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[Pg 65]</a></span>aspiring notions, good-naturedly solved the difficulty as
+to ways and means, by procuring for his son a Bible-clerk&#8217;s appointment
+at one of the Halls, upon which he could support himself respectably,
+with comparatively little pecuniary help from his friends. With his
+connections and interest, it was no great stretch of friendly exertion
+in behalf of an old and trusted servant; but to the Smiths, father and
+son, both the munificence which designed such a favour, and the
+influence which could secure it, tended to strengthen if possible their
+previous conviction that the power and the bounty of the house of
+Russell came within a few degrees of omnipotence. Even now, when recent
+events had so fearfully shaken them from this delusion; when the
+father&#8217;s well-earned savings had disappeared in the general wreck with
+the hoards of wealthier creditors, and the son was left almost wholly
+dependent on the slender proceeds of his humble office; even now, as he
+told me the circumstances just mentioned, regret at the ruined fortunes
+of his benefactors seemed in a great measure to overpower every personal
+feeling. In the case of the younger Russell, indeed, this gratitude was
+not misplaced. No sooner was he aware of the critical situation of his
+father&#8217;s affairs, and the probability of their involving all connected
+with him, than, even in the midst of his own harassing anxieties, he
+turned his attention to the prospects of the young Bible-clerk, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[Pg 66]</a></span>whose
+means of support, already sufficiently narrow, were likely to be further
+straitened in the event of a bankruptcy of the firm. His natural
+good-nature had led him to take some little notice of young Smith on his
+first entrance at the University, and he knew his merits as a scholar to
+be very indifferent. The obscure suburban boarding-school at which he
+had been educated, in spite of its high-sounding name&mdash;&#8220;Minerva House,&#8221;
+I believe&mdash;was no very sufficient preparation for Oxford. Where the
+Greek and the washing are both extras at three guineas per annum, one
+clean shirt in the week, and one lesson in <i>Delectus</i>, are perhaps as
+much as can reasonably be expected. Poor Smith had, indeed, a fearful
+amount of up-hill work, to qualify himself even for his &#8220;little-go.&#8221;
+Charles Russell, not less to his surprise than to his unbounded
+gratitude, inasmuch as he was wholly ignorant of his motives for taking
+so much trouble, undertook to assist and direct him in his reading: and
+Smith, when he had got over his first diffidence, having a good share of
+plain natural sense, and hereditary habits of plodding, made more rapid
+progress than might have been expected. The frequent visits to Russell&#8217;s
+rooms, whose charitable object neither I nor any one else could have
+guessed, had resulted in a very safe pass through his first formidable
+ordeal, and he seemed now to have little fear of eventual success for
+his degree, with a strong <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[Pg 67]</a></span>probability of being privileged to starve
+upon a curacy thereafter. But for Russell&#8217;s aid, he would, in all
+likelihood, have been remanded from his first examination back to his
+father&#8217;s desk, to the bitter mortification of the old man at the time,
+and to become an additional burden to him on the loss at once of his
+situation and his little capital.</p>
+
+<p>Poor Smith! it was no wonder that, at the conclusion of his story,
+interrupted constantly by broken expressions of gratitude, he wrung his
+hands, and called Charles Russell the only friend he had in the world.
+&#8220;And, oh! if he were to die! Do you think he will die?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I assured him I hoped and trusted not; and with the view of relieving
+his and my own suspense, though it was little more than an hour since we
+had left his lodgings, we went down again to make inquiries. The street
+door was open, and so was that of the landlady&#8217;s little parlour, so we
+walked in at once. She shook her head in reply to our inquiries. &#8220;Dr
+Wilson has been up-stairs with him, sir, for the last hour nearly, and
+he has sent twice to the druggist&#8217;s for some things, and I fancy he&#8217;s no
+better at all events.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;How is Miss Russell?&#8221; I inquired.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, sir, she don&#8217;t take on much&mdash;not at all, as I may say; but she
+don&#8217;t speak to nobody, and she don&#8217;t take nothing: twice I have carried
+her up some tea, poor thing, and she just tasted it because <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[Pg 68]</a></span>I begged
+her, and she wouldn&#8217;t refuse me, I know&mdash;but, poor dear young lady! it
+is very hard upon her, and she all alone like.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Will you take up my compliments&mdash;Mr Hawthorne&mdash;and ask if I can be of
+any possible service?&#8221; said I, scarce knowing what to say or do. Poor
+girl! she was indeed to be pitied; her father ruined, disgraced, and a
+fugitive from the law; his only son&mdash;the heir of such proud hopes and
+expectations once&mdash;lying between life and death; her only brother, her
+only counsellor and protector, now unable to recognise or to speak to
+her&mdash;and she so unused to sorrow or hardship, obliged to struggle on
+alone, and exert herself to meet the thousand wants and cares of
+illness, with the added bitterness of poverty.</p>
+
+<p>The answer to my message was brought back by the old housekeeper, Mrs
+Saunders. She shook her head, said her young mistress was very much
+obliged, and would be glad if I would call and see her brother
+to-morrow, when she hoped he would be better. &#8220;But oh, sir!&#8221; she added,
+&#8220;he will never be better any more! I know the doctors don&#8217;t think so,
+but I can&#8217;t tell her, poor thing&mdash;I try to keep her up, sir; but I do
+wish some of her own friends were here&mdash;she won&#8217;t write to anybody, and
+I don&#8217;t know the directions&#8221;&mdash;and she stopped, for her tears were almost
+convulsing her.</p>
+
+<p>I could not remain to witness misery which I <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[Pg 69]</a></span>could do nothing to
+relieve; so I took Smith by the arm&mdash;for he stood by the door
+half-stupified&mdash;and proceeded back towards college. He had to mark the
+roll at his own chapel that evening; so we parted at the top of the
+street, after I had made him promise to come to breakfast with me in the
+morning. Russell&#8217;s illness cast a universal gloom over the college that
+evening; and when the answer to our last message, sent down as late as
+we could venture to do, was still unfavourable, it was with anxious
+anticipation that we awaited any change which the morrow might bring.</p>
+
+<p>The next day passed, and still Russell remained in the same state. He
+was in a high fever, and either perfectly unconscious of all around him,
+or talking in that incoherent and yet earnest strain, which is more
+painful to those who have to listen to and to soothe it than even the
+total prostration of the reason. No one was allowed to see him; and his
+professional attendants, though they held out hopes founded on his youth
+and good constitution, acknowledged that every present symptom was most
+unfavourable.</p>
+
+<p>The earliest intelligence on the third morning was, that the patient had
+passed a very bad night, and was much the same; but in the course of an
+hour or two afterwards, a message came to me to say that Mr Russell
+would be glad to see me. I rushed, rather than ran, down to his
+lodgings, in a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[Pg 70]</a></span>perfect exultation of hope, and was so breathless with
+haste and excitement when I arrived there, that I was obliged to pause a
+few moments to calm myself before I raised the carefully muffled
+knocker. My joy was damped at once by poor Mrs Saunders&#8217; mournful
+countenance.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Your master is better, I hope&mdash;is he not?&#8221; said I.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am afraid not, sir; but he is very quiet now: and he knew his poor
+dear sister; and then he asked if any one had been to see him, and we
+mentioned you, sir; and then he said he should like to see you very
+much, and so Miss made bold to send to you&mdash;if you please to wait, sir,
+I&#8217;ll tell her you are here.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>In a few moments she returned&mdash;Miss Russell would see me if I would walk
+up.</p>
+
+<p>I followed her into the little drawing-room, and there, very calm and
+very pale, sat Mary Russell. Though her brother and myself had now so
+long been constant companions, I had seen but very little of her; on the
+very few evenings I had spent with Russell at his lodgings she had
+merely appeared to make tea for us, had joined but little in the
+conversation, and retired almost before the table was cleared. In her
+position, this behaviour seemed but natural; and as, in spite of the
+attraction of her beauty, there was a shade of that haughtiness and
+distance of manner which we had all at first fancied in her brother, I
+had begun to feel a respectful <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[Pg 71]</a></span>kind of admiration for Mary Russell,
+tinged, I may now venture to admit&mdash;I was barely twenty at the
+time&mdash;with a slight degree of awe. Her very misfortunes threw over her a
+sort of sanctity. She was too beautiful not to rivet the gaze, too noble
+and too womanly in her devotion to her brother not to touch the
+affections, but too cold and silent&mdash;almost as it seemed too sad&mdash;to
+love. Her brother seldom spoke of her; but when he did, it was in a tone
+which showed&mdash;what he did not care to conceal&mdash;his deep affection and
+anxious care for her; he watched her every look and movement whenever
+she was present; and if his love erred in any point, it was, that it
+seemed possible it might be even too sensitive and jealous for her own
+happiness.</p>
+
+<p>The blinds were drawn close down, and the little room was very dark; yet
+I could see at a glance the work which anguish had wrought upon her in
+the last two days, and, though no tears were to be seen now, they had
+left their traces only too plainly. She did not rise, or trust herself
+to speak; but she held out her hand to me as if we had been friends from
+childhood. And if thorough sympathy, and mutual confidence, and true but
+pure affection, make such friendship, then surely we became so from that
+moment. I never thought Mary Russell cold again; yet I did not dream of
+loving her; she was my sister in everything but the name.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[Pg 72]</a></span></p><p>I broke the silence of our painful meeting&mdash;painful as it was, yet not
+without that inward throb of pleasure which always attends the awakening
+of hidden sympathies. What I said I forget; what does one, or can one
+say, at such moments, but words utterly meaningless, so far as they
+affect to be an expression of what we feel? The hearts understand each
+other without language, and with that we must be content.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;He knew me a little while ago,&#8221; said Mary Russell at last; &#8220;and asked
+for you; and I knew you would be kind enough to come directly if I
+sent.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Surely it must be a favourable symptom, this return of consciousness?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;We will hope so: yes, I thought it was; and oh! how glad I was! But Dr
+Wilson does not say much, and I fear he thinks him weaker. I will go now
+and tell him you are come.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You can see him now if you please,&#8221; she said when she returned; &#8220;he
+seems perfectly sensible still; and when I said you were here, he looked
+quite delighted.&#8221; She turned away, and, for the first time, her emotion
+mastered her.</p>
+
+<p>I followed her into her brother&#8217;s room. He did not look so ill as I
+expected; but I saw with great anxiety, as I drew nearer his bed, that
+his face was still flushed with fever, and his eye looked wild and
+excited. He was evidently, however, at present <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[Pg 73]</a></span>free from delirium, and
+recognised me at once. His sister begged him not to speak much, or ask
+questions, reminding him of the physician&#8217;s strict injunctions with
+regard to quiet.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Dr Wilson forgets, my love, that it is as necessary at least for the
+mind to be quiet as the tongue,&#8221; said Russell with an attempt to smile;
+and then, after a pause, he added, as he took my hand, &#8220;I wanted to see
+you, Hawthorne; I know I am in very great danger; and, once more, I want
+to trouble you with a confidence. Nay, nothing very important; and pray,
+don&#8217;t ask me, as I see you are going to do, not to tire myself with
+talking: I know what I am going to say, and will try to say it very
+shortly; but thinking is at least as bad for me as speaking.&#8221; He paused
+again from weakness; Miss Russell had left the room. I made no reply. He
+half rose, and pointed to a writing-desk on a small table, with keys in
+the lock. I moved towards it, and opened it, as I understood his
+gestures; and brought to him, at his request, a small bundle of letters,
+from which he selected one, and gave it me to read. It was a banker&#8217;s
+letter, dated some months back, acknowledging the receipt of three
+hundred pounds to Russell&#8217;s credit, and enclosing the following note:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>&#8220;<span class="smcap">Sir</span>,&mdash;Messrs &mdash;&mdash; are directed to inform you of the sum of &pound;300
+placed to your credit. You <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[Pg 74]</a></span>will be wrongly advised if you scruple
+to use it. If at any time you are enabled, and desire it, it may be
+repaid through the same channel.</p>
+
+<p class="right"><span style="margin-right: 3em;">&#8220;<span class="smcap">One of your Father&#8217;s Creditors.</span>&#8221;</span></p></div>
+
+<p>&#8220;I have never touched it,&#8221; said Russell, as I folded up the note.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I should have feared you would not,&#8221; said I.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But now,&#8221; he proceeded, &#8220;now things seem changed with me. I shall want
+money&mdash;Mary will; and I shall draw upon this unseen charity; ay, and
+gratefully. Poor Mary!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You are quite right, my dear Russell,&#8221; said I, eager to interrupt a
+train of thought which I saw would be too much for him. &#8220;I will manage
+all that for you, and you shall give me the necessary authority till you
+get well again yourself,&#8221; I added in a tone meant to be cheerful.</p>
+
+<p>He took no notice of my remark. &#8220;I fear,&#8221; said he, &#8220;I have not been a
+wise counsellor to my poor sister. She had kind offers from more than
+one of our friends, and might have had a home more suited to her than
+this has been, and I allowed her to choose to sacrifice all her own
+prospects to mine!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>He turned his face away, and I knew that one painful thought besides was
+in his mind&mdash;that they had been solely dependent on her little income
+for his support at the University since his father&#8217;s failure.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[Pg 75]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Russell,&#8221; said I gently, &#8220;this conversation can surely do no good; why
+distress yourself and me unnecessarily? Come, I shall leave you now, or
+your sister will scold me. Pray, for all our sakes, try to sleep; you
+know how desirable it is, and how much stress Dr Wilson has laid upon
+your being kept perfectly calm and quiet.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I will, Hawthorne, I will try; but oh, I have so much to think of!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Distressed and anxious, I could only take my leave of him for the
+present, feeling how much there was, indeed, in his circumstances to
+make rest even more necessary, and more difficult to obtain, for the
+mind than for the body.</p>
+
+<p>I had returned to the sitting-room, and was endeavouring to give as
+hopeful answers as I could to Miss Russell&#8217;s anxious inquiries as to
+what I thought of her brother, when a card was brought up, with a
+message that Mr Ormiston was below, and &#8220;would be very glad if he could
+see Miss Russell for a few moments, at any hour she would mention, in
+the course of the day.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Ormiston! I started, I really did not know why. Miss Russell started
+also, visibly; did she know why? Her back was turned to me at the
+moment; she had moved, perhaps intentionally, the moment the message
+became intelligible, so that I had no opportunity of watching the effect
+it produced, which I confess I had an irrepressible anxiety to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[Pg 76]</a></span>do. She
+was silent until I felt my position becoming awkward: I was rising to
+take leave, which perhaps would have made hers even more so, when, half
+turning round towards me, with a tone and gesture almost of command, she
+said, &#8220;Stay!&#8221; and then, in reply to the servant, who was still waiting,
+&#8220;Ask Mr Ormiston to walk up.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I felt the few moments of expectation which ensued to be insufferably
+embarrassing. I tried to persuade myself it was my own folly to think
+them so. Why should Ormiston <i>not</i> call at the Russells, under such
+circumstances? As college tutor, he stood almost in the relation of a
+natural guardian to Russell; had he not at least as much right to assume
+the privilege of a friend of the family as I had, with the additional
+argument, that he was likely to be much more useful in that capacity? He
+had known them longer, at all events, and any little coolness between
+the brother and himself was not a matter, I felt persuaded, to be
+remembered by him at such a moment, or to induce any false punctilio
+which might stand in the way of his offering his sympathy and assistance
+when required. But the impression on my mind was strong&mdash;stronger,
+perhaps, than any facts within my knowledge fairly warranted&mdash;that
+between Ormiston and Mary Russell there either was, or had been,
+some feeling which, whether acknowledged or unacknowledged&mdash;whether
+reciprocal or on one side only&mdash;whether <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">[Pg 77]</a></span>crushed by any of those
+thousand crosses to which such feelings, fragile as they are precious,
+are liable, or only repressed by circumstances and awaiting its
+development&mdash;would make their meeting under such circumstances not that
+of ordinary acquaintances. And once again I rose, and would have gone;
+but again Mary Russell&#8217;s sweet voice&mdash;and this time it was an accent
+of almost piteous entreaty, so melted and subdued were its tones,
+as if her spirit was failing her&mdash;begged me to remain&mdash;&#8220;I have
+something&mdash;something to consult you about&mdash;my brother.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>She stopped, for Ormiston&#8217;s step was at the door. I had naturally&mdash;not
+from any ungenerous curiosity to scan her feelings&mdash;raised my eyes to
+her countenance while she spoke to me, and could not but mark that
+her emotion amounted almost to agony. Ormiston entered: whatever his
+feelings were, he concealed them well; not so readily, however, could he
+suppress his evident astonishment, and almost as evident vexation, when
+he first noticed my presence: an actor in the drama for whose appearance
+he was manifestly unprepared. He approached Miss Russell, who never
+moved, with some words of ordinary salutation, but uttered in a low and
+earnest tone, and offered his hand, which she took at once, without any
+audible reply. Then turning to me, he asked if Russell were any better?
+I answered somewhat indefinitely, and Miss Russell, to whom he <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">[Pg 78]</a></span>turned
+as for a reply, shook her head, and, sinking into a chair, hid her face
+in her hands. Ormiston took a seat close by her, and after a pause of a
+moment said,</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I trust your very natural anxiety for your brother makes you inclined
+to anticipate more danger than really exists, Miss Russell: but I have
+to explain my own intrusion upon you at such a moment&#8221;&mdash;and he gave me a
+glance which was meant to be searching&mdash;&#8220;I called by the particular
+request of the Principal, Dr Meredith.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Miss Russell could venture upon no answer, and he went on, speaking
+somewhat hurriedly and with embarrassment.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Mrs Meredith has been from home some days, and the Principal himself
+has the gout severely; he feared you might think it unkind their not
+having called, and he begged me to be his deputy. Indeed he insisted on
+my seeing you in person, to express his very sincere concern for your
+brother&#8217;s illness, and to beg that you will so far honour him&mdash;consider
+him sufficiently your friend, he said&mdash;as to send to his house for
+anything which Russell could either want or fancy, which, in lodgings,
+there might be some difficulty in finding at hand. In one respect, Miss
+Russell,&#8221; continued Ormiston in somewhat a more cheerful tone, &#8220;your
+brother is fortunate in not being laid up within the college walls; we
+are not very good nurses there, as Hawthorne <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">[Pg 79]</a></span>can tell you, though we do
+what we can; yet I much fear this watching and anxiety have been too
+much for you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Her tears began to flow freely; there was nothing in Ormiston&#8217;s words,
+but their tone implied deep feeling. Yet who, however indifferent, could
+look upon her helpless situation, and not be moved? I walked to the
+window, feeling terribly out of place where I was, yet uncertain whether
+to go or stay: for my own personal comfort, I would sooner have faced
+the collected anger of a whole common-room, called to investigate my
+particular misdemeanours; but to take leave at this moment seemed as
+awkward as to stay; besides, had not Miss Russell appeared almost
+imploringly anxious for me to spare her a <i>t&ecirc;te-&agrave;-t&ecirc;te</i>?</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My poor brother is very, very ill, Mr Ormiston,&#8221; she said at last,
+raising her face, from which every trace of colour had again
+disappeared, and which seemed now as calm as ever. &#8220;Will you thank Dr
+Meredith for me, and say I will without hesitation avail myself of his
+most kind offers, if anything should occur to make his assistance
+necessary.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I can be of no use myself in any way?&#8221; said Ormiston with some
+hesitation.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I thank you, no,&#8221; she replied; and then, as if conscious that her tone
+was cold, she added&mdash;&#8220;You are very kind: Mr Hawthorne was good enough to
+say the same. Every one is very kind to us, indeed; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">[Pg 80]</a></span>but&#8221;&mdash;and here she
+stopped again, her emotion threatening to master her; and Ormiston and
+myself simultaneously took our leave.</p>
+
+<p>Preoccupied as my mind had been by anxiety on Russell&#8217;s account, it did
+not prevent a feeling of awkwardness when I found myself alone with Mr
+Ormiston outside the door of his lodgings. It was impossible to devise
+any excuse at the moment for turning off in a different direction, as I
+felt very much inclined to do; for the little street in which he lived
+was not much of a thoroughfare. The natural route for both of us to take
+was that which led towards the High Street, for a few hundred steps the
+other way would have brought us out into the country, where it is not
+usual for either tutors or undergraduates to promenade in cap and gown,
+as they do, to the great admiration of the rustics, in our sister
+university. We walked on together, therefore, feeling&mdash;I will answer at
+least for one of us&mdash;that it would be an especial relief just then to
+meet the greatest bore with whom we had any pretence of a speaking
+acquaintance, or pass any shop in which we could frame the most
+threadbare excuse of having business, to cut short the embarrassment of
+each other&#8217;s company. After quitting any scene in which deep feelings
+have been displayed, and in which our own have been not slightly
+interested, it is painful to feel called upon to make any comment on
+what has passed; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">[Pg 81]</a></span>we feel ashamed to do so in the strain and tone which
+would betray our own emotion, and we have not the heart to do so
+carelessly or indifferently. I should have felt this, even had I been
+sure that Ormiston&#8217;s feelings towards Mary Russell had been nothing more
+than my own; whereas, in fact, I was almost sure of the contrary; in
+which case it was possible that, in his eyes, my own <i>locus standi</i> in
+that quarter, surprised as I had been in an apparently very confidential
+interview, might seem to require some explanation which would be
+indelicate to ask for directly, and which it might not mend matters if I
+were to give indirectly without being asked. So we proceeded some paces
+up the little quiet street, gravely and silently, neither of us speaking
+a word. At last Ormiston asked me if I had seen Russell, and how I
+thought him? adding, without waiting for a reply, &#8220;Dr Wilson, I fear
+from what he told me, thinks but badly of him.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am very sorry to hear you say so,&#8221; I replied; and then ventured to
+remark how very wretched it would be for his sister in the event of his
+growing worse, to be left at such a time so utterly helpless and alone.</p>
+
+<p>He was silent for some moments. &#8220;Some of her friends,&#8221; he said at last,
+&#8220;ought to come down; she must have friends, I know, who would come if
+they were sent for. I wish Mrs Meredith were returned&mdash;she might advise
+her.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">[Pg 82]</a></span></p><p>He spoke rather in a soliloquy than as addressing me, and I did not feel
+called upon to make any answer. The next moment we arrived at the turn
+of the street, and, by what seemed a mutual impulse, wished each other
+good morning.</p>
+
+<p>I went straight down to Smith&#8217;s rooms, at &mdash;&mdash;Hall, to get him to come
+and dine with me; for I pitied the poor fellow&#8217;s forlorn condition, and
+considered myself in some degree bound to supply Russell&#8217;s place towards
+him. A Bible-clerk&#8217;s position in the University is always more or less
+one of mortification and constraint. It is true that the same academical
+degree, the same honours&mdash;if he can obtain them&mdash;the same position in
+after life&mdash;all the solid advantages of a University education, are open
+to him, as to other men; but, so long as his undergraduateship lasts, he
+stands in a very different position from other men, and he feels
+it&mdash;feels it, too, through three or four of those years of life when
+such feelings are most acute, and when that strength of mind which is
+the only antidote&mdash;which can measure men by themselves and not by their
+accidents&mdash;is not as yet matured either in himself or in the society of
+which he becomes a member. If, indeed, he be a decidedly clever man, and
+has the opportunity early in his career of showing himself to be such,
+then there is good sense and good feeling enough&mdash;let us say, to the
+honour of the University, there is sufficient of that <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">[Pg 83]</a></span>true <i>esprit du
+corps</i>, a real consciousness of the great objects for which men are thus
+brought together&mdash;to insure the acknowledgment from all but the most
+unworthy of its members, that a scholar is always a gentleman. But if he
+be a man of only moderate abilities, and known only as a Bible-clerk,
+then, the more he is of a gentleman by birth and education, the more
+painful does his position generally become. There are not above two or
+three in residence in most colleges, and their society is confined
+almost wholly to themselves. Some old schoolfellow, indeed, or some man
+who &#8220;knows him at home,&#8221; holding an independent rank in college, may
+occasionally venture upon the condescension of asking him to wine&mdash;even
+to meet a friend or two with whom he can take such a liberty; and even
+then, the gnawing consciousness that he is considered an
+inferior&mdash;though not treated as such&mdash;makes it a questionable act of
+kindness. Among the two or three of his own table, one is the son of a
+college butler, another has been for years usher at a preparatory
+school; he treats them with civility, they treat him with deference; but
+they have no tastes or feelings in common. At an age, therefore, which
+most of all seeks and requires companionship, he has no companions; and
+the period of life which should be the most joyous, becomes to him
+almost a purgatory. Of course the radical and the leveller will <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">[Pg 84]</a></span>say at
+once, &#8220;Ay, this comes of your aristocratic distinctions; they ought not
+to be allowed in universities at all.&#8221; Not so: it comes of human nature;
+the distinction between a dependent and an independent position will
+always be felt in all societies, mark it outwardly as little as you
+will. Humiliation, more or less, is a penalty which poverty must always
+pay. These humbler offices in the University were founded by a charity
+as wise as benevolent, which has afforded to hundreds of men of talent,
+but of humble means, an education equal to that of the highest noble in
+the land, and, in consequence, a position and usefulness in after life
+which otherwise they could never have hoped for. And if the somewhat
+servile tenure by which they are held (which in late years has in most
+colleges been very much relaxed) were wholly done away with, there is
+reason to fear the charity of the founders would be liable to continual
+abuse, by their being bestowed upon many who required no such
+assistance. As it is, this occurs too often; and it is much to be
+desired that the same regulations were followed in their distribution
+throughout the University, which some colleges have long most properly
+adopted: namely, that the appointment should be bestowed on the
+successful candidate after examination, strict regard being had to the
+circumstances of all the parties before they are allowed to offer
+themselves. It <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">[Pg 85]</a></span>would make their position far more definite and
+respectable, because all would then be considered honourable to a
+certain degree, as being the reward of merit; instead of which, too
+often, they are convenient items of patronage in the hands of the
+Principal and Fellows, the nomination to them depending on private
+interest, which, by no means insuring the nominee&#8217;s being a gentleman by
+birth, while it is wholly careless of his being a scholar by education,
+tends to lower the general standing of the order in the University.</p>
+
+<p>This struck me forcibly in Smith&#8217;s case. Poor fellow! with an excellent
+heart and a great deal of sound common sense, he had neither the
+breeding nor the talent to make a gentleman of. I doubt if an university
+education was any real boon to him. It insured him four years of hard
+work&mdash;harder, perhaps, than if he had sat at a desk all the
+time&mdash;without the society of any of his own class and habits, and with
+the prospect of very little remuneration ultimately. I think he might
+have been very happy in his own sphere, and I do not see how he could be
+happy at Oxford. And whether he or the world in general ever profited
+much by the B.A. which he eventually attached to his name, is a point at
+least doubtful.</p>
+
+<p>I could not get him to come and dine with me in my own college. He knew
+his own position, as it seemed, and was not ashamed of it; in fact, in
+his <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">[Pg 86]</a></span>case, it could not involve any consciousness of degradation; and I
+am sure his only reason for refusing my invitations of that kind was,
+that he thought it possible my dignity might be compromised by so open
+an association with him. He would come over to my rooms in the evening
+to tea, he said; and he came accordingly. When I told him in the morning
+that Russell had inquired very kindly after him, he was much affected;
+but it had evidently been a comfort to him to feel that he was not
+forgotten, and during the hour or two which we spent together in the
+evening, he seemed much more cheerful.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Perhaps they will let me see him to-morrow, if he is better?&#8221; he said,
+with an appealing look to me. I assured him I would mention his wish to
+Russell, and his countenance at once brightened up, as if he thought
+only his presence were needed to insure our friend&#8217;s recovery.</p>
+
+<p>But the next morning all our hopes were dashed again; delirium had
+returned, as had been feared, and the feverish symptoms seemed to gain
+strength rather than abate. Bleeding and other usual remedies had been
+had recourse to already to a perilous extent, and in Russell&#8217;s present
+reduced state, no further treatment of the kind could be ventured upon.
+&#8220;All we can do now, sir,&#8221; said Dr Wilson, &#8220;is little more than to let
+nature take her course. I <i>have known</i> such cases recover.&#8221; I did not
+ask to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">[Pg 87]</a></span>see Mary Russell that day; for what could I have answered to her
+fears and inquiries? But I thought of Ormiston&#8217;s words; surely she ought
+to have some friend&mdash;some one of her own family, or some known and tried
+companion of her own sex, would surely come to her at a moment&#8217;s notice,
+did they but know of her trying situation. If&mdash;if her brother were to
+die&mdash;she surely would not be left here among strangers, quite alone? Yet
+I much feared, from what had escaped him at our last interview, that
+they had both incurred the charge of wilfulness in refusing offers of
+assistance at the time of their father&#8217;s disgrace and flight, and that
+having, contrary to the advice of their friends, and perhaps
+imprudently, taken the step they had done in coming to Oxford, Mary
+Russell, with something of her brother&#8217;s spirit, had made up her mind
+now, however heavy and unforeseen the blow that was to fall, to suffer
+all in solitude and silence. For Ormiston, too, I felt with an interest
+and intensity that was hourly increasing. I met him after morning
+chapel, and though he appeared intentionally to avoid any conversation
+with me, I knew by his countenance that he had heard the unfavourable
+news of the morning; and it could be no common emotion that had left its
+visible trace upon features usually so calm and impassible.</p>
+
+<p>From thoughts of this nature, indulged in the not very appropriate
+locality of the centre of the quadrangle, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">[Pg 88]</a></span>I was roused by the
+good-humoured voice of Mrs Meredith&mdash;&#8220;our governess,&#8221; as we used to call
+her&mdash;who, with the Doctor himself, was just then entering the college,
+and found me right in the line of her movements towards the door of &#8220;the
+lodgings.&#8221; I was not until that moment aware of her return, and
+altogether was considerably startled as she addressed me with&mdash;&#8220;Oh! how
+do you do, Mr Hawthorne? You young gentlemen don&#8217;t take care of
+yourselves, you see, when I am away&mdash;I am so sorry to hear this about
+poor Mr Russell. Is he so very ill? Dr Meredith is just going to see
+him.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I coloured up, I dare say, for it was a trick I was given to in those
+days, and, in the confusion, replied rather to my own thoughts than to
+Mrs Meredith&#8217;s question.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Mrs Meredith! I really beg your pardon,&#8221; I first stammered out as a
+very necessary apology, for I had nearly stumbled over her&mdash;&#8220;May I say
+how very glad I am you are returned, on Miss Russell&#8217;s account&mdash;I am
+sure&#8221;&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Really, Mr Hawthorne, it is very natural I suppose, but you gentlemen
+seem to expend your whole sympathy upon the young lady, and forget the
+brother altogether! Mr Ormiston actually took the trouble to write to me
+about her&#8221;&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My dear!&#8221; interposed the Principal.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Nay, Dr Meredith, see how guilty Mr Hawthorne looks! and as to Mr
+Ormiston&#8221;&mdash;&mdash; &#8220;Well, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">[Pg 89]</a></span>never mind&#8221; (the Doctor was visibly checking his
+lady&#8217;s volubility), &#8220;I love the poor dear girl so much myself, that I am
+really grieved to the heart for her. I shall go down and see her
+directly, and make her keep up her spirits. Dr Wilson is apt to make out
+all the bad symptoms he can&mdash;I shall try if I can cure Mr Russell
+myself, after all; a little proper nursing in those cases is worth a
+whole staff of doctors&mdash;and, as to this poor girl, what can she know
+about it? I dare say she sits crying her eyes out, poor thing, and doing
+nothing&mdash;<i>I&#8217;ll</i> see about it. Why, I wouldn&#8217;t lose Mr Russell from the
+college for half the young men in it&mdash;would I, Dr Meredith?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I bowed, and they passed on. Mrs Principal, if somewhat pompous
+occasionally, was a kind-hearted woman. I believe an hour scarcely
+elapsed after her return to Oxford, before she was in Russell&#8217;s
+lodgings, ordering everything about as coolly as if it were in her own
+house, and all but insisting on seeing the patient and prescribing
+herself for him, in spite of all professional injunctions to the
+contrary. The delirium passed off again, and though it left Russell
+sensibly weaker, so weak, that when I next was admitted to see him with
+Smith, he could do little more than feebly grasp our hands, yet the
+fever was evidently abated; and in the course of the next day, whether
+it was to be attributed to the remedies originally used, or to his own
+youth and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">[Pg 90]</a></span>good constitution, or to Mrs Meredith&#8217;s experienced
+directions in the way of nursing, and the cheerful spirit which that
+good lady, in spite of a little fussiness, succeeded generally in
+producing around her, there was a decided promise of amendment, which
+happily each succeeding hour tended gradually to fulfil. Ormiston had
+been unremitting in his inquiries; but I believe had never since sought
+an interview either with the brother or sister. I took advantage of the
+first conversation Russell was able to hold with me, to mention how very
+sincerely I believed him to have felt the interest he expressed. A
+moment afterwards I felt almost sorry I had mentioned the name&mdash;it was
+the first time I had done so during Russell&#8217;s illness. He almost started
+up in bed, and his face glowed again with more than the flush of fever,
+as he caught up my words.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Sincere, did you say? Ormiston sincere! You don&#8217;t know the man as I do.
+Inquired here, did he? What right has he to intrude his&#8221;&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Hush, my dear Russell,&#8221; I interposed, really almost alarmed at his
+violence. &#8220;Pray, don&#8217;t excite yourself&mdash;I think you do him great
+injustice; but we will drop the subject, if you please.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I tell you, Hawthorne, if you knew all, you would despise him as much
+as I do.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It is foolish to argue with an invalid&mdash;but really even my friendship
+for Russell would not allow me to bear in silence an attack so
+unjustifiable, as it <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">[Pg 91]</a></span>seemed to me, on the character of a man who had
+every claim to my gratitude and respect. I replied therefore somewhat
+incautiously, that perhaps I did know a little more than Russell
+suspected.</p>
+
+<p>He stared at me with a look of bewilderment. &#8220;What do you know?&#8221; he
+asked quickly.</p>
+
+<p>It was too late to hesitate or retract. I had started an unfortunate
+subject; but I knew Russell too well to endeavour now to mislead him. &#8220;I
+have no right perhaps to say I know anything; but I have gathered from
+Ormiston&#8217;s manner, that he has very strong reasons for the anxiety he
+has shown on your account. I will not say more.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And how do you know this? Has Mr Ormiston dared&#8221;&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No, no, Russell,&#8221; said I, earnestly; &#8220;see how unjust you are, in this
+instance.&#8221; I wished to say something to calm him, and it would have been
+worse than useless to say anything but the truth. I saw he guessed to
+what I alluded; and I gave him briefly my reasons for what I thought,
+not concealing the interview with his sister, at which I had
+unintentionally been present.</p>
+
+<p>It was a very painful scene. When he first understood that Ormiston had
+sought the meeting, his temper, usually calm, but perhaps now tried by
+such long hours of pain and heaviness, broke out with bitter expressions
+against both. I told him, shortly and warmly, that such remarks towards
+his <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">[Pg 92]</a></span>sister were unmanly and unkind; and then he cried, like a chidden
+and penitent child, till his remorse was as painful to look upon as his
+passion. &#8220;Mary! my own Mary! even you, Hawthorne, know and feel her
+value better than I do! I for whom she has borne so much.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am much mistaken,&#8221; said I, &#8220;if Ormiston has not learned to appreciate
+her even yet more truly. And why not?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Leave me now,&#8221; he said; &#8220;I am not strong enough to talk; but if you
+wish to know what cause I have to speak as I have done of your friend
+Ormiston, you shall hear again.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>So exhausted did he seem by the excess of feeling which I had so
+unfortunately called forth, that I would not see him again for some
+days, contenting myself with learning that no relapse had taken place,
+and that he was still progressing rapidly towards recovery.</p>
+
+<p>I had an invitation to visit my aunt again during the Easter vacation,
+which had already commenced, and had only been prevented from leaving
+Oxford by Russell&#8217;s alarming state. As soon, therefore, as all danger
+was pronounced over, I prepared to go up to town at once, and my next
+visit to Russell was in fact to wish him good-by for two or three weeks.
+He was already sitting up, and fast regaining strength. He complained of
+having seen so little of me lately, and asked me if I had seen his
+sister. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">[Pg 93]</a></span>&#8220;I had not noticed it until the last few days,&#8221; he
+said&mdash;&#8220;illness makes one selfish, I suppose; but I think Mary looks thin
+and ill&mdash;very different from what she did a month back.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>But watching and anxiety, as I told him, were not unlikely to produce
+that effect; and I advised him strongly to take her somewhere for a few
+weeks for change of air and scene. &#8220;It will do you both good,&#8221; I said;
+&#8220;and you can draw another &pound;50 from your unknown friend for that purpose;
+it cannot be better applied, and I should not hesitate for a moment.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I would not,&#8221; he replied, &#8220;if I wanted money; but I do not. Do you know
+that Dr Wilson would take no fee whatever from Mary during the whole of
+his attendance; and when I asked him to name some sufficient
+remuneration, assuring him I could afford it, he said he would never
+forgive me if I ever mentioned the subject again. So what remains of the
+fifty you drew for me, will amply suffice for a little trip somewhere
+for us. And I quite agree with you in thinking it desirable, on every
+account, that Mary should move from Oxford&mdash;perhaps altogether&mdash;for one
+reason, to be out of the way of a friend of yours.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ormiston?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, Ormiston; he called here again since I saw you, and wished to see
+me; but I declined the honour. Possibly,&#8221; he added bitterly, &#8220;as we
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">[Pg 94]</a></span>have succeeded in keeping out of jail here, he thinks Mary has grown
+rich again.&#8221; And then he went on to tell me how, in the days of his
+father&#8217;s reputed wealth, Ormiston had been a constant visitor at their
+house in town, and how his attentions to his sister had even attracted
+his father&#8217;s attention, and led to his name being mentioned as likely to
+make an excellent match with the rich banker&#8217;s daughter. &#8220;My father did
+not like it,&#8221; he said, &#8220;for he had higher views for her, as was perhaps
+excusable&mdash;though I doubt if he would have refused Mary anything. I did
+not like it for another reason: because I knew all the time how matters
+really stood, and that any man who looked for wealth with my sister
+would in the end be miserably disappointed. What Mary&#8217;s own feelings
+were, and what actually passed between her and Ormiston, I never asked;
+but she knew my views on the subject, and would, I am certain, never
+have accepted any man under the circumstances in which she was placed,
+and which she could not explain. I did hope and believe, however, then,
+that there was sufficient high principle about Ormiston to save Mary
+from any risk of throwing away her heart upon a man who would desert her
+upon a change of fortune. I think he loved her at the time&mdash;as well as
+such men as he can love any one; but from the moment the crash
+came&mdash;Ormiston, you know, was in town at the time&mdash;there was an end of
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">[Pg 95]</a></span>everything. It was an opportunity for a man to show feeling if he had
+any; and though I do not affect much romance, I almost think that in
+such a case even an ordinary heart might have been warmed into devotion;
+but Ormiston&mdash;cold, cautious, calculating as he is&mdash;I could almost have
+laughed at the sudden change that came over him when he heard the news.
+He pretended, indeed, great interest for us, and certainly did seem cut
+up about it; but he had not committed himself, I conclude, and took care
+to retreat in time. Thank Heaven! even if Mary did ever care for him,
+she is not the girl to break her heart for a man who proves so unworthy
+of her regard. But why he should insist on inflicting his visits upon us
+now, is what I cannot make out; and what I will not endure.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I listened with grief and surprise. I knew well that not even the strong
+prejudice which I believed Russell to have always felt against Ormiston,
+would tempt him to be guilty of misrepresentation; and, again, I gave
+him credit for too much penetration to have been easily deceived. Yet I
+could not bring myself all at once to think so ill of Ormiston. He had
+always been considered in pecuniary matters liberal almost to a fault;
+that he really loved Mary Russell, I felt more than ever persuaded; and,
+at my age, it was hard to believe that a few thousand pounds could
+affect any man&#8217;s decision in such a point, even for a moment. Why, the
+very <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">[Pg 96]</a></span>fact of her being poor and friendless was enough to make one fall
+in love with such a girl at once! So when Russell, after watching the
+effect of his disclosure, misconstruing my silence, proceeded to ask
+somewhat triumphantly&mdash;&#8220;<i>Now</i>, what say you of Mr Ormiston?&#8221;&mdash;I answered
+at once, that I was strongly convinced there was a mistake.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay,&#8221; rejoined he with a sneering laugh; &#8220;on Ormiston&#8217;s part, you mean;
+decidedly there was.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I mean,&#8221; said I, &#8220;there has been some misunderstanding, which time may
+yet explain: I do not, and will not believe him capable of what you
+impute to him. Did you ever ask your sister for a full and unreserved
+explanation of what has passed between them?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Never; but I know that she has shunned all intercourse with him as
+carefully as I have, and that his recently renewed civilities have given
+her nothing but pain.&#8221; My own observation certainly tended to confirm
+this; so, changing the subject&mdash;for it was one on which I had scarce any
+right to give an opinion, still less offer advice, I asked whether I
+could do anything for him in town; and, after exchanging a cordial
+good-by with Miss Russell, in whose appearance I was sorry to see strong
+confirmation of her brother&#8217;s fears for her health, I took my leave, and
+the next morning saw me on the top of &#8220;The Age,&#8221; on my way to town.</p>
+
+<p>There I received a letter from my father, in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">[Pg 97]</a></span>which he desired me to
+take the opportunity of calling upon his attorney, Mr Rushton, in order
+to have some leases and other papers read and explained to me, chiefly
+matters of form, but which would require my signature upon my coming of
+age. It concluded with the following PS.:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>&#8220;I was sorry to hear of your friend&#8217;s illness, and trust he will
+now do very well. Bring him down with you at Christmas, if you can.
+I hear, by the way, there is a <i>Miss</i> Russell in the case&mdash;a very
+fascinating young lady, whom you never mention at all&mdash;a fact which
+your mother, who is up to all those things, says is very
+suspicious. All I can say is, if she is as good a girl as her
+mother was before her&mdash;I knew her well once&mdash;you may bring her down
+with you too, if you like.&#8221;</p></div>
+
+<p>How very unlucky it is that the home authorities seldom approve of any
+little affairs of the kind except those of which one is perfectly
+innocent! Now, if I <i>had</i> been in love with Mary Russell, the governor
+would, in the nature of things, have felt it his duty to be
+disagreeable.</p>
+
+<p>I put off the little business my father alluded to day after day, to
+make way for more pleasant engagements, until my stay in town was
+drawing to a close. Letters from Russell informed me of his having left
+Oxford for Southampton, where he was reading hard, and getting quite
+stout; but he spoke of his sister&#8217;s health in a tone that alarmed me,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">[Pg 98]</a></span>though he evidently was trying to persuade himself that a few weeks&#8217;
+sea-air would quite restore it. At last I devoted a morning to call on
+Mr Rushton, whom I found at home, though professing, as all lawyers do,
+to be full of business. He made my acquaintance as politely as if I had
+been the heir-expectant of an earldom, instead of the very moderate
+amount of acres which had escaped sale and subdivision in the Hawthorne
+family. In fact, he seemed a very good sort of fellow, and we ran over
+the parchments together very amicably&mdash;I almost suspected he was
+cheating me, he seemed so very friendly, but therein I did him wrong.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And now, my dear sir,&#8221; continued he, as we shut up the last of them,
+&#8220;will you dine with me to-day? Let me see; I fear I can&#8217;t say before
+seven, for I have a great deal of work to get through. Some bankruptcy
+business, about which I have taken some trouble,&#8221; he continued, rubbing
+his hands, &#8220;and which we shall manage pretty well in the end, I fancy.
+By the way, it concerns some friends of yours, too: is not Mr Ormiston
+of your college? Ay, I thought he was; he is two thousand pounds richer
+than he fancied himself yesterday.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Really?&#8221; said I, somewhat interested; &#8220;how, may I ask?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why, you see, when Russell&#8217;s bank broke&mdash;bad business that&mdash;we all
+thought the first dividend&mdash;tenpence-halfpenny <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">[Pg 99]</a></span>in the pound, I believe
+it was&mdash;would be the final one: however, there are some foreign
+securities which, when they first came into the hands of the assignees,
+were considered of no value at all, but have gone up wonderfully in the
+market just of late; so that we have delayed finally closing accounts
+till we could sell them to such advantage as will leave some tolerable
+pickings for the creditors after all.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Had Ormiston money in Mr Russell&#8217;s bank, then, at the time?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, yes: something like eight thousand pounds: not all his own, though:
+five thousand he had in trust for some nieces of his, which he had
+unluckily just sold out of the funds, and placed with Russell, while he
+was engaged in making arrangements for a more profitable investment; the
+rest was his own.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;He lost it all, then?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;All but somewhere about three hundred pounds, as it appeared at the
+time. What an excellent fellow he is! You know him well, I dare say.
+They tell me that he pays the interest regularly to his nieces for their
+money out of his own income still.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I made no answer to Mr Rushton at the moment, for a communication so
+wholly unexpected had awakened a new set of ideas, which I was busily
+following out in my mind. I seemed to hold in my hands the clue to a
+good deal of misunderstanding and unhappiness. My determination was soon
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">[Pg 100]</a></span>taken to go to Southampton, see Russell at once, and tell him what I
+had just heard, and of which I had no doubt he had hitherto been as
+ignorant as myself. I was rather induced to take this course, as I felt
+persuaded that Miss Russell&#8217;s health was suffering rather from mental
+than bodily causes; and, in such a case, a great deal of mischief is
+done in a short time. I would leave town at once.</p>
+
+<p>My purse was in the usual state of an undergraduate&#8217;s at the close of a
+visit to London; so, following up the train of my own reflections, I
+turned suddenly upon Mr Rushton, who was again absorbed in his papers,
+and had possibly forgotten my presence altogether, and attacked him
+with&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;My dear sir, can you lend me ten pounds?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Certainly,&#8221; said Mr Rushton, taking off his spectacles, and feeling in
+his pockets, at the same time looking at me with some little
+curiosity&mdash;&#8220;certainly&mdash;with great pleasure.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I beg your pardon for taking such a liberty,&#8221; said I, apologetically;
+&#8220;but I find I must leave town to-night.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;To-night!&#8221; said the lawyer, looking still more inquiringly at me; &#8220;I
+thought you were to dine with me?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I cannot exactly explain to you at this moment, sir, my reasons; but I
+have reasons, and I think sufficient ones, though they have suddenly
+occurred to me.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">[Pg 101]</a></span></p><p>I pocketed the money, leaving Mr Rushton to speculate on the
+eccentricities of Oxonians as he pleased, and a couple of hours found me
+seated on the Southampton mail.</p>
+
+<p>The Russells were surprised at my sudden descent upon them, but welcomed
+me cordially; and even Mary&#8217;s pale face did not prevent my being in
+excellent spirits. As soon as I could speak to Russell by himself, I
+told him what I had heard from Mr Rushton.</p>
+
+<p>He never interrupted me, but his emotion was evident. When he did speak,
+it was in an altered and humbled voice.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I never inquired,&#8221; he said, &#8220;who my father&#8217;s creditors were&mdash;perhaps I
+ought to have done so; but I thought the knowledge could only pain me. I
+see it all now; how unjust, how ungrateful I have been! Poor Mary!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>We sat down, and talked over those points in Ormiston&#8217;s conduct, upon
+which Russell had put so unfavourable a construction. It was quite
+evident, that a man who could act with so much liberality and
+self-denial towards others, could have had no interested motives in his
+conduct with regard to Mary Russell; and her brother was now as eager to
+express his confidence in Ormiston&#8217;s honour and integrity, as he was
+before hasty in misjudging him.</p>
+
+<p>Where all parties are eager for explanation, matters <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">[Pg 102]</a></span>are soon
+explained. Russell had an interview with his sister, which brought her
+to the breakfast table the next morning with blushing cheeks and
+brightened eyes. <i>Her</i> misgivings, if she had any, were easily set at
+rest. He then wrote to Ormiston a letter full of generous apologies and
+expressions of his high admiration of his conduct, which was answered by
+that gentleman in person by return of post. How Mary Russell and he met,
+or what they said, must ever be a secret, for no one was present but
+themselves. But all embarrassment was soon over, and we were a very
+happy party for the short time we remained at Southampton together; for,
+feeling that my share in the matter was at an end&mdash;a share which I
+contemplated with some little self-complacency&mdash;I speedily took my
+departure.</p>
+
+<p>If I have not made Ormiston&#8217;s conduct appear in as clear colours to the
+reader as it did to ourselves, I can only add, that the late
+misunderstanding seemed a painful subject to all parties, and that the
+mutual explanations were rather understood than expressed. The anonymous
+payment to Russell&#8217;s credit at the bank was no longer a mystery: it was
+the poor remains of the College Tutor&#8217;s little fortune, chiefly the
+savings of his years of office&mdash;the bulk of which had been lost through
+the fault of the father&mdash;generously devoted to meet the necessities of
+the son. That he would have offered Mary Russell his heart and hand at
+once <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">[Pg 103]</a></span>when she was poor, as he hesitated to do when she was rich, none
+of us for a moment doubted, had not his own embarrassments, caused by
+the failure of the bank, and the consequent claims of his orphan nieces,
+to replace whose little income he had contracted all his own expenses,
+made him hesitate to involve the woman he loved in an imprudent
+marriage.</p>
+
+<p>They were married, however, very soon&mdash;and still imprudently the world
+said, and my good aunt among the rest; for, instead of waiting an
+indefinite time for a good college living to fall in, Ormiston took the
+first that offered, a small vicarage of &pound;300 a-year, intending to add to
+his income by taking pupils. However, fortune sometimes loves to have a
+laugh at the prudent ones, and put to the rout all their wise
+prognostications; for, during Ormiston&#8217;s &#8220;year of grace&#8221;&mdash;while he still
+virtually held his fellowship, though he had accepted the living&mdash;our
+worthy old Principal died somewhat suddenly, and regret at his loss only
+gave way to the universal joy of every individual in the college
+(except, I suppose, any disappointed aspirants), when Mr Ormiston was
+elected almost unanimously to the vacant dignity.</p>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<p>Mr Russell the elder has never returned to England. On the mind of such
+a man, after the first blow, and the loss of his position in the world,
+the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">[Pg 104]</a></span>disgrace attached to his name had comparatively little effect. He
+lives in some small town in France, having contrived, with his known
+<i>clever management</i>, to keep himself in comfortable circumstances; and
+his best friends can only strive to forget his existence, rather than
+wish for his return. His son and daughter pay him occasional visits, for
+their affection survives his disgrace and forgets his errors. Charles
+Russell took a first class, after delaying his examination a couple of
+terms, owing to his illness, and is now a barrister, with a reputation
+for talent, but as yet very little business. However, as I hear the city
+authorities have had the impudence to seize some of the college plate in
+discharge of a disputed claim for rates, and that Russell is retained as
+one of the counsel in an action of replevin, I trust he will begin a
+prosperous career, by contributing to win the cause for the &#8220;gown.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I spent a month with Dr and Mrs Ormiston at their vicarage in the
+country, before the former entered upon his official residence as
+Principal; and can assure the reader that, in spite of ten&mdash;it may be
+more&mdash;years of difference in age, they are the happiest couple I ever
+saw. I may almost say, the only happy couple I ever saw, most of my
+married acquaintance appearing at the best only <i>contented</i> couples, not
+drawing their happiness so exclusively from each other as suits my
+notion of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">[Pg 105]</a></span>what such a tie ought to be. Of course, I do not take my own
+matrimonial experience into account; the same principle of justice which
+forbids a man to give evidence in his own favour, humanely excusing him
+from making any admission which may criminate himself. Mrs Ormiston is
+as beautiful, as amiable, as ever, and has lost all the reserve and
+sadness which, in her maiden days, overshadowed her charms; and so
+sincere was and is my admiration of her person and character, and so
+warmly was I in the habit of expressing it, that I really believe my
+dilating upon her attractions used to make Mrs. Francis Hawthorne
+somewhat jealous, until she had the happiness to make her acquaintance,
+and settled the point by falling in love with the lady herself.</p>
+
+<hr class="large" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">[Pg 106]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="THE_MAGIC_LAY_OF_THE_ONE-HORSE_CHAY" id="THE_MAGIC_LAY_OF_THE_ONE-HORSE_CHAY"></a>THE MAGIC LAY<br /> OF THE ONE-HORSE CHAY.</h2>
+
+<h3>BY THE LATE JOHN HUGHES, A.M.</h3>
+
+<h4>[<i>MAGA.</i> <span class="smcap">October 1824.</span>]</h4>
+
+<h3><span class="smcap">Air</span>&mdash;<i>Eveleen&#8217;s Bower.</i></h3>
+
+<h3>I.</h3>
+
+<div class="centerbox6 bbox"><p class="n"><span style="float:left;font-size:40px;line-height:25px;padding-top:2px;padding-bottom:1px;">M</span>r Bubb was a Whig orator, also a Soap Laborator,<br />
+For everything&#8217;s new christen&#8217;d in the present day;<br />
+He was follow&#8217;d and adored by the Common Council board,<br />
+And lived quite genteel with a one-horse chay.</p>
+
+<h3>II.</h3>
+
+<p>Mrs Bubb was gay and free, fair, fat, and forty-three,<br />
+And blooming as a peony in buxom May;<br />
+The toast she long had been of Farringdon-Within,<br />
+And fill&#8217;d the better-half of the one-horse chay.</p>
+
+<h3>III.</h3>
+
+<p>Mrs Bubb said to her Lord, &#8220;You can well, Bubb, afford<br />
+Whate&#8217;er a Common Council man in prudence may;<br />
+We&#8217;ve no brats to plague our lives, and the soap concern it thrives,<br />
+So let&#8217;s have a trip to Brighton in the one-horse chay.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">[Pg 107]</a></span></p><h3>IV.</h3>
+
+<p>&#8220;We&#8217;ll view the pier and shipping, and enjoy many dipping,<br />
+And walk for a stomach in our best array;<br />
+I longs more nor I can utter, for shrimps and bread and butter,<br />
+And an airing on the Steyne in the one-horse chay.</p>
+
+<h3>V.</h3>
+
+<p>&#8220;We&#8217;ve a right to spare for nought that for money can be bought,<br />
+So to get matters ready, Bubb, do you trudge away;<br />
+To my dear Lord Mayor I&#8217;ll walk, just to get a bit of talk<br />
+And an imitation shawl for the one-horse chay.&#8221;</p>
+
+<h3>VI.</h3>
+
+<p>Mr Bubb said to his wife, &#8220;Now I think upon&#8217;t, my life<br />
+&#8217;Tis three weeks at least to next boiling-day;<br />
+The dog-days are set in, and London&#8217;s growing thin,<br />
+So I&#8217;ll order out old Nobbs and the one-horse chay.&#8221;</p>
+
+<h3>VII.</h3>
+
+<p>Now Nobbs, it must be told, was rather fat and old,<br />
+His colour it was white, and it had been grey;<br />
+He was round as a pot, and when soundly whipt would trot<br />
+Full five miles an hour in the one-horse chay.</p>
+
+<h3>VIII.</h3>
+
+<p>When at Brighton they were housed, and had stuffed and caroused,<br />
+O&#8217;er a bowl of rack punch, Mr Bubb did say,<br />
+&#8220;I&#8217;ve ascertain&#8217;d, my dear, the mode of dipping here<br />
+From the ostler, who is cleaning up my one-horse chay.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">[Pg 108]</a></span></p><h3>IX.</h3>
+
+<p>&#8220;You&#8217;re shut up in a box, ill convenient as the stocks,<br />
+And eighteenpence a-time are obliged for to pay;<br />
+Court corruption here, say I, makes everything so high,<br />
+And I wish I had come without my one-horse chay.&#8221;</p>
+
+<h3>X.</h3>
+
+<p>&#8220;As I hope,&#8221; says she, &#8220;to thrive, &#8217;tis flaying folks alive,<br />
+The King and them extortioners are leagued, I say;<br />
+&#8217;Tis encouraging of such for to go to pay so much,<br />
+So we&#8217;ll set them at defiance with our one-horse chay.</p>
+
+<h3>XI.</h3>
+
+<p>&#8220;Old Nobbs, I am sartin, may be trusted gig or cart in,<br />
+He takes every matter in an easy way;<br />
+He&#8217;ll stand like a post, while we dabble on the coast,<br />
+And return back to dress in our one-horse chay.&#8221;</p>
+
+<h3>XII.</h3>
+
+<p>So out they drove, all drest so gaily in their best,<br />
+And finding, in their rambles, a snug little bay,<br />
+They uncased at their leisure, paddled out to take their pleasure,<br />
+And left everything behind in the one-horse chay.</p>
+
+<h3>XIII.</h3>
+
+<p>But while, so snugly sure that all things were secure,<br />
+They flounced about like porpoises or whales at play,<br />
+Some young unlucky imps, who prowl&#8217;d about for shrimps,<br />
+Stole up to reconnoitre the one-horse chay.</p>
+
+<h3>XIV.</h3>
+
+<p>Old Nobbs, in quiet mood, was sleeping as he stood<br />
+(He might possibly be dreaming of his corn or hay);<br />
+Not a foot did he wag, so they whipt out every rag,<br />
+And gutted the contents of the one-horse chay.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_303" id="Page_303">[Pg 109]</a></span></p><h3>XV.</h3>
+
+<p>When our pair were soused enough, and returned in their buff,<br />
+Oh, there was the vengeance and old Nick to pay!<br />
+Madam shriek&#8217;d in consternation, Mr Bubb he swore&mdash;&mdash;!<br />
+To find the empty state of the one-horse chay.</p>
+
+<h3>XVI.</h3>
+
+<p>&#8220;If I live,&#8221; said she, &#8220;I swear, I&#8217;ll consult my dear Lord Mayor,<br />
+And a fine on this vagabond town he shall lay;<br />
+But the gallows thieves, so tricky, hasn&#8217;t left me e&#8217;en a dicky,<br />
+And I shall catch my death in the one-horse chay.&#8221;</p>
+
+<h3>XVII.</h3>
+
+<p>&#8220;Come, bundle in with me, we must squeeze for once,&#8221; says he,<br />
+&#8220;And manage this here business the best we may;<br />
+We&#8217;ve no other step to choose, nor a moment must we lose,<br />
+Or the tide will float us off in our one-horse chay.&#8221;</p>
+
+<h3>XVIII.</h3>
+
+<p>So noses, sides, and knees, all together did they squeeze,<br />
+And, pack&#8217;d in little compass, they trotted it away,<br />
+As dismal as two dummies, head and hands stuck out like mummies<br />
+From beneath the little apron of the one-horse chay.</p>
+
+<h3>XIX.</h3>
+
+<p>The Steyne was in a throng, as they jogg&#8217;d it along,<br />
+Madam hadn&#8217;t been so put to it for many a day;<br />
+Her pleasure it was damped, and her person somewhat cramped,<br />
+Doubled up beneath the apron of the one-horse chay.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_304" id="Page_304">[Pg 110]</a></span></p><h3>XX.</h3>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh would that I were laid,&#8221; Mr Bubb in sorrow said,<br />
+&#8220;In a broad-wheeled waggon, well covered with hay!<br />
+I&#8217;m sick of sporting smart, and would take a tilted cart<br />
+In exchange for this bauble of a one-horse chay.</p>
+
+<h3>XXI.</h3>
+
+<p>&#8220;I&#8217;d give half my riches for my worst pair of breeches,<br />
+Or the apron that I wore last boiling-day;<br />
+They would wrap my arms and shoulders from these impudent beholders,<br />
+And allow me to whip on in my one-horse chay.&#8221;</p>
+
+<h3>XXII.</h3>
+
+<p>Mr Bubb ge-hupped in vain, and strove to jerk the rein,<br />
+Nobbs felt he had his option to work or play,<br />
+So he wouldn&#8217;t mend his pace, though they&#8217;d fain have run a race,<br />
+To escape the merry gazers at the one-horse chay.</p>
+
+<h3>XXIII.</h3>
+
+<p>Now, good people, laugh your fill, and fancy if you will<br />
+(For I&#8217;m fairly out of breath, and have said my say),<br />
+The trouble and the rout, to wrap and get them out,<br />
+When they drove to their lodgings in their one-horse chay.</p>
+
+<h3>XXIV.</h3>
+
+<p>The day was swelt&#8217;ring warm, so they took no cold or harm,<br />
+And o&#8217;er a smoking lunch soon forgot their dismay;<br />
+But, fearing Brighton mobs, started off at night with Nobbs,<br />
+To a snugger watering-place, in the one-horse chay.</p></div>
+
+<hr class="tiny" />
+
+<p class="center"><small>PRINTED BY WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS, EDINBURGH.</small></p>
+
+<hr class="large" /><h3><span class="smcap">Transcriber&#8217;s Note:</span></h3>
+
+<p>Minor changes have been made to correct typesetters&#8217; errors; otherwise,
+every effort has been made to remain true to the authors&#8217; words and
+intent.</p>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Tales from Blackwood, by Various
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TALES FROM BLACKWOOD ***
+
+***** This file should be named 35464-h.htm or 35464-h.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        https://www.gutenberg.org/3/5/4/6/35464/
+
+Produced by D Alexander, Juliet Sutherland and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+https://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+https://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at https://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit https://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including including checks, online payments and credit card
+donations.  To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     https://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
+
+
+</pre>
+
+</body>
+</html>
diff --git a/35464.txt b/35464.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..144ced9
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35464.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,7873 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Tales from Blackwood, by Various
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Tales from Blackwood
+       Volume 4
+
+Author: Various
+
+Release Date: March 3, 2011 [EBook #35464]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TALES FROM BLACKWOOD ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by D Alexander, Juliet Sutherland and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+ TALES
+ FROM
+ "BLACKWOOD"
+
+
+ Contents of this Volume.
+
+
+ _How I Stood for the Dreepdaily Burghs. By Professor Aytoun_
+
+ _First and Last. By William Mudford_
+
+ _The Duke's Dilemma.--A Chronicle of Niesenstein_
+
+ _The Old Gentleman's Teetotum._
+
+ _"Woe to us when we lose the Watery Wall."_
+
+ _My College Friends.--Charles Russell, the Gentleman-Commoner_
+
+ _The Magic Lay of the One-Horse Chay. By the late John Hughes, A.M._
+
+ WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS
+ EDINBURGH AND LONDON
+
+
+
+
+TALES FROM "BLACKWOOD."
+
+
+
+
+HOW I STOOD FOR THE DREEPDAILY BURGHS.
+
+BY PROFESSOR AYTOUN.
+
+[_MAGA._ SEPTEMBER 1847.]
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+"My dear Dunshunner," said my friend Robert M'Corkindale as he entered
+my apartments one fine morning in June last, "do you happen to have seen
+the share-list? Things are looking in Liverpool as black as thunder. The
+bullion is all going out of the country, and the banks are refusing to
+discount."
+
+Bob M'Corkindale might very safely have kept his information to himself.
+I was, to say the truth, most painfully aware of the facts which he
+unfeelingly obtruded upon my notice. Six weeks before, in the full
+confidence that the panic was subsiding, I had recklessly invested my
+whole capital in the shares of a certain railway company, which for the
+present shall be nameless; and each successive circular from my broker
+conveyed the doleful intelligence that the stock was going down to
+Erebus. Under these circumstances I certainly felt very far from being
+comfortable. I could not sell out except at a ruinous loss; and I could
+not well afford to hold on for any length of time, unless there was a
+reasonable prospect of a speedy amendment of the market. Let me confess
+it--I had of late come out rather too strong. When a man has made money
+easily, he is somewhat prone to launch into expense, and to presume too
+largely upon his credit. I had been idiot enough to make my _debut_ in
+the sporting world--had started a couple of horses upon the verdant turf
+of Paisley--and, as a matter of course, was remorselessly sold by my
+advisers. These and some other minor amusements had preyed deleteriously
+upon my purse. In fact, I had not the ready; and as every tradesman
+throughout Glasgow was quaking in his shoes at the panic, and
+inconveniently eager to realise, I began to feel the reverse of
+comfortable, and was shy of showing myself in Buchanan Street.
+Severaldocuments of a suspicious appearance--owing to the beastly
+practice of wafering, which is still adhered to by a certain class
+of correspondents--were lying upon my table at the moment when Bob
+entered. I could see that the villain comprehended their nature at a
+glance; but there was no use in attempting to mystify him. The Political
+Economist was, as I was well aware, in very much the same predicament as
+myself.
+
+"To tell you the truth, M'Corkindale, I have not opened a share-list for
+a week. The faces of some of our friends are quite long enough to serve
+as a tolerable exponent of the market; and I saw Grabbie pass about five
+minutes ago with a yard of misery in his visage. But what's the news?"
+
+"Everything that is bad! Total stoppage expected in a week, and the
+mills already put upon short time."
+
+"You don't say so!"
+
+"It is a fact. Dunshunner, this infernal tampering with the currency
+will be the ruin of every mother's son of us!"--and here Bob, in a fit
+of indignant enthusiasm, commenced a vivid harangue upon the principles
+of contraction and expansion, bullion, the metallic standard, and the
+Bank reserves, which no doubt was extremely sound, but which I shall not
+recapitulate to the reader.
+
+"That's all very well, Bob," said I--"very good in theory, but we should
+confine ourselves at present to practice. The main question seems to me
+to be this: How are we to get out of our present fix? I presume you are
+not at present afflicted with a remarkable plethora of cash?"
+
+"Every farthing I have in the world is locked up in a falling line."
+
+"Any debts?"
+
+"Not many; but quite enough to make me meditate a temporary retirement
+to Boulogne!"
+
+"I believe you are better off than I am. I not only owe money, but am
+terribly bothered about some bills."
+
+"That's awkward. Would it not be advisable to bolt?"
+
+"I don't think so. You used to tell me, Bob, that credit was the next
+best thing to capital. Now, I don't despair of redeeming my capital yet,
+if I can only keep up my credit."
+
+"Right, undoubtedly, as you generally are. Do you know, Dunshunner, you
+deserve credit for your notions on political economy. But how is that to
+be done? Everybody is realising; the banks won't discount; and when your
+bills become due, they will be, to a dead certainty, protested."
+
+"Well--and what then?"
+
+"_Squalor carceris_, et cetera."
+
+"Hum--an unpleasant alternative, certainly. Come, Bob! put your wits to
+work. You used to be a capital hand for devices, and there must be some
+way or other of steering clear. Time is all we want."
+
+"Ay, to be sure--time is the great thing. It would be very unpleasant to
+look out on the world through a grating during the summer months!"
+
+"I perspire at the bare idea!"
+
+"Not a soul in town--all your friends away in the Highlands boating, or
+fishing, or shooting grouse--and you pent up in a stifling apartment of
+eight feet square, with nobody to talk to save the turnkey, and no
+prospect from the window except a deserted gooseberry stall!"
+
+"O Bob, don't talk in that way! You make me perfectly miserable."
+
+"And all this for a ministerial currency crotchet? 'Pon my soul, it's
+too bad! I wish those fellows in Parliament----"
+
+"Well? Go on."
+
+"By Jove! I've an idea at last!"
+
+"You don't say so! My dear Bob--out with it!"
+
+"Dunshunner, are you a man of pluck?"
+
+"I should think I am."
+
+"And ready to go the whole hog, if required?"
+
+"The entire animal."
+
+"Then I'll tell you what it is--the elections will be on
+immediately--and, by St Andrew, we'll put you up for Parliament!"
+
+"Me!"
+
+"You. Why not? There are hundreds of men there quite as hard up, and not
+half so clever as yourself."
+
+"And what good would that do me?"
+
+"Don't you see? You need not care a farthing about your debts then, for
+the personal liberty of a member of the House of Commons is sacred. You
+can fire away right and left at the currency; and who knows, if you
+play your cards well, but you may get a comfortable place?"
+
+"Well, you _are_ a genius, Bob! But then, what sort of principles should
+I profess?"
+
+"That is a matter which requires consideration. What are your own
+feelings on the subject?"
+
+"Perfect indifference. I am pledged to no party, and am free to exercise
+my independent judgment."
+
+"Of course, of course! We shall take care to stick all that into the
+address; but you must positively come forward with some kind of tangible
+political views. The currency will do for one point, but as to the
+others I see a difficulty."
+
+"Suppose I were to start as a Peelite?"
+
+"Something may be said in favour of that view; but, on the whole, I
+should rather say not. That party may not look up for some little time,
+and then the currency is a stumbling block in the way. No, Dunshunner, I
+do not think, upon my honour, that it would be wise for you to commit
+yourself in that quarter at the present moment."
+
+"If it were possible, I should like to join the Conservatives. They must
+come uppermost soon, for they are men of pluck and ability. What do you
+say to that? It is an advantage to act with gentlemen."
+
+"True; but at the same time, I see many objections. In a year or two
+these may disappear; but the press is at present against them, and I
+should like you to start with popularity on your side."
+
+"Radical, then? What do you think of Annual Parliaments, Universal
+Suffrage, Vote by Ballot, and separation of Church and State?"
+
+"I am clear against that. These views are not popular with the electors,
+and even the mob would entertain a strong suspicion that you were
+humbugging them."
+
+"What, then, on earth, am I to do?"
+
+"I will tell you. Come out as a pure and transparent Whig. In the
+present position of parties, it is at least a safe course to pursue, and
+it is always the readiest step to the possession of the loaves and the
+fishes."
+
+"Bob, I don't like the Whigs!"
+
+"No more do I. They are a bad lot; but they are _in_, and that is
+everything. Yes, Augustus," continued Bob solemnly, "there is nothing
+else for it. You must start as a pure Whig, upon the Revolution
+principles of sixteen hundred and eighty-eight."
+
+"It would be a great relief to my mind, Bob, if you would tell me what
+those principles really are?"
+
+"I have not the remotest idea; but we have plenty time to look them up."
+
+"Then, I suppose I must swallow the Dutchman and the Massacre of
+Glencoe?"
+
+"Yes, and the Darien business into the bargain. These are the
+principles of your party, and of course you are bound to subscribe."
+
+"Well! you know best; but I'd rather do anything else."
+
+"Pooh! never fear; you and Whiggery will agree remarkably well. That
+matter, then, we may consider as settled. The next point to be thought
+of is the constituency."
+
+"Ay, to be sure! what place am I to start for? I have got no interest,
+and if I had any, there are no nomination burghs in Scotland."
+
+"Aren't there? That's all you know, my fine fellow! Hark ye, Dunshunner,
+more than half of the Scottish burghs are at this moment held by
+nominees!"
+
+"You amaze me, Bob! The thing is impossible! The Reform Bill, that great
+charter of our liberties----"
+
+"Bravo! There spoke the Whig! The Reform Bill, you think, put an end to
+nomination? It did nothing of the kind; it merely transferred it. Did
+you ever hear of such things as CLIQUES?"
+
+"I have. But they are tremendously unpopular."
+
+"Nevertheless, they hold the returning power. There is a Clique in
+almost every town throughout Scotland, which leads the electors as
+quietly, but as surely, as the blind man is conducted by his dog. These
+are modelled on the true Venetian principles of secresy and terrorism.
+They control the whole constituency, put in the member, and in return
+monopolise the whole patronage of the place. If you have the Clique with
+you, you are almost sure of your election; if not, except in the larger
+towns, you have not a shadow of success. Now, what I want to impress
+upon you is this, that wherever you go, be sure that you communicate
+with the Clique."
+
+"But how am I to find it out?"
+
+"That is not always an easy matter, for nobody will acknowledge that he
+belongs to it. However, the thing is not impossible, and we shall
+certainly make the experiment. Come, then, I suppose you agree with me,
+that it is hopeless to attempt the larger towns?"
+
+"Clearly: so far as I see, they are all provided already with
+candidates."
+
+"And you may add, Cliques, Dunshunner. Well, then, let us search among
+the smaller places. What would you think of a dash at the Stirling
+District of Burghs?"
+
+"Why, there are at least half-a-dozen candidates in the field."
+
+"True, that would naturally lessen your chance. Depend upon it, some one
+of them has already found the key to the Clique. But there's the
+Dreepdaily District with nobody standing for it, except the Honourable
+Paul Pozzlethwaite; and I question whether he knows himself the nature
+or the texture of his politics. Really, Dunshunner, that's the very
+place for you; and if we look sharp after it, I bet the long odds that
+you will carry it in a canter."
+
+"Do you really think so?"
+
+"I do indeed; and the sooner you start the better. Let me see. I know
+Provost Binkie of Dreepdaily. He is a Railway bird, was an original
+Glenmutchkin shareholder, and fortunately sold out at a premium. He is a
+capital man to begin with, and I think will be favourable to you:
+besides, Dreepdaily is an old Whig burgh. I am not so sure of
+Kittleweem. It is a shade more respectable than Dreepdaily, and has
+always been rather Conservative. The third burgh, Drouthielaw, is a nest
+of Radicalism; but I think it may be won over, if we open the
+public-houses."
+
+"But, about expenses, Bob--won't it be a serious matter?"
+
+"Why, you must lay your account with spending some five or six hundred
+pounds upon the nail; and I advise you to sell stock to that amount at
+least. The remainder, should it cost you more, can stand over."
+
+"Bob, five or six hundred pounds is a very serious sum!"
+
+"Granted--but then look at the honour and the immunity you will enjoy.
+Recollect that yours is an awkward predicament. If you don't get into
+Parliament, I see nothing for it but a stoppage."
+
+"That's true enough. Well--hang it, then, I will start!"
+
+"There's a brave fellow! I should not in the least wonder to see you in
+the Cabinet yet. The sooner you set about preparing your address the
+better."
+
+"What! without seeing Provost Binkie?"
+
+"To be sure. What is the use of wading when you can plunge at once into
+deep water? Besides, let me tell you that you are a great deal more
+likely to get credit when it is understood that you are an actual
+candidate."
+
+"There is something in that too. But I say, Bob--you really must help me
+with the address. I am a bad hand at these things, and shall never be
+able to tickle up the electors without your assistance."
+
+"I'll do all I can. Just ring for a little brandy and water, and we'll
+set to work. I make no doubt that, between us, we can polish off a
+plausible placard."
+
+Two hours afterwards, I forwarded, through the post-office, a missive,
+addressed to the editor of the _Dreepdaily Patriot_, with the following
+document enclosed. I am rather proud of it, as a manifesto of my
+political principles:--
+
+     "TO THE ELECTORS OF THE UNITED DISTRICT OF BURGHS OF DREEPDAILY,
+     DROUTHIELAW, AND KITTLEWEEM.
+
+     "GENTLEMEN,--I am induced, by a requisition, to which are appended
+     the signatures of a large majority of your influential and
+     patriotic body, to offer myself as a candidate for the high honour
+     of your representation in the ensuing session of Parliament. Had I
+     consulted my own inclination, I should have preferred the leisure
+     of retirement and the pursuit of those studies so congenial to my
+     taste, to the more stormy and agitating arena of politics. But a
+     deep sense of public duty compels me to respond to your call.
+
+     "My views upon most subjects are so well known to many of you, that
+     a lengthened explanation of them would probably be superfluous.
+     Still, however, it may be right and proper for me to explain
+     generally what they are.
+
+     "My principles are based upon the great and glorious Revolution
+     settlement of 1688, which, by abolishing, or at least superseding,
+     hereditary right, intrusted the guardianship of the Crown to an
+     enlightened oligarchy, for the protection of an unparticipating
+     people. That oligarchy is now most ably represented by her
+     Majesty's present Ministers, to whom, unhesitatingly and
+     uncompromisingly, except upon a very few matters, I give in my
+     adhesion so long as they shall continue in office.
+
+     "Opposed to faction and an enemy to misrule, I am yet friendly to
+     many changes of a sweeping and organic character. Without relaxing
+     the ties which at present bind together Church and State in
+     harmonious coalition and union, I would gradually confiscate the
+     revenues of the one for the increasing necessities of the other. I
+     never would become a party to an attack upon the House of Peers, so
+     long as it remains subservient to the will of the Commons; nor
+     would I alter or extend the franchise, except from cause shown, and
+     the declared and universal wish of the non-electors.
+
+     "I highly approve of the policy which has been pursued towards
+     Ireland, and of further concessions to a deep-rooted system of
+     agitation. I approve of increased endowments to that much-neglected
+     country; and I applaud that generosity which relieves it from all
+     participation in the common burdens of the State. Such a line of
+     policy cannot fail to elevate the moral tone, and to develop the
+     internal resources of Ireland; and I never wish to see the day when
+     the Scotsman and the Irishman may, in so far as taxation is
+     concerned, be placed upon an equal footing. It appears to me a
+     highly equitable adjustment that the savings of the first should be
+     appropriated for the wants of the second.
+
+     "I am in favour of the centralising system, which, by drafting
+     away the wealth and talent of the provinces, must augment the
+     importance of London. I am strongly opposed to the maintenance of
+     any local or Scottish institutions, which can merely serve to
+     foster a spirit of decayed nationality; and I am of opinion that
+     all boards and offices should be transferred to England, with the
+     exception of those connected with the Dreepdaily district, which it
+     is the bounden duty of the legislature to protect and preserve.
+
+     "I am a friend to the spread of education, but hostile to any
+     system by means of which religion, especially Protestantism, may be
+     taught.
+
+     "I am a supporter of free trade in all its branches. I cannot see
+     any reason for the protection of native industry, and am ready to
+     support any fundamental measure by means of which articles of
+     foreign manufacture may be brought to compete in the home market
+     with our own, without restriction and without reciprocity. It has
+     always appeared to me that our imports are of far greater
+     importance than our exports. I think that any lowering of price
+     which may be the result of such a commercial policy, will be more
+     than adequately compensated by a coercive measure which shall
+     compel the artisan to augment the period of his labour. I am
+     against any short hours' bill, and am of opinion that infant labour
+     should be stringently and universally enforced.
+
+     "With regard to the currency, I feel that I may safely leave that
+     matter in the hands of her Majesty's present Ministers, who have
+     never shown any indisposition to oppose themselves to the popular
+     wish.
+
+     "These, gentlemen, are my sentiments; and I think that, upon
+     consideration, you will find them such as may entitle me to your
+     cordial support. I need not say how highly I shall value the trust,
+     or how zealously I shall endeavour to promote your local interests.
+     These, probably, can be best advanced by a cautious regard to my
+     own.
+
+     "On any other topics I shall be happy to give you the fullest and
+     most satisfactory explanation. I shall merely add, as a summary of
+     my opinions, that while ready on the one hand to coerce labour, so
+     as to stimulate internal industry to the utmost, and to add largely
+     to the amount of our population; I am, upon the other, a friend to
+     the liberty of the subject, and to the promotion of such genial and
+     sanatory measures as suit the tendency of our enlightened age, the
+     diffusion of universal philanthropy, and the spread of popular
+     opinion. I remain, GENTLEMEN, with the deepest respect, your very
+     obedient and humble servant,
+
+               "AUGUSTUS REGINALD DUNSHUNNER.
+
+     "ST MIRREN'S HOUSE,
+        "_June 1847._"
+
+The editor of the _Dreepdaily Patriot_, wisely considering that this
+advertisement was the mere prelude to many more, was kind enough to
+dedicate a leading article to an exposition of my past services. I am
+not a vain man; so that I shall not here reprint the panegyric passed
+upon myself, or the ovation which my friend foresaw. Indeed, I am so far
+from vain, that I really began to think, while perusing the columns of
+the _Patriot_, that I had somewhat foolishly shut my eyes hitherto to
+the greatness of that talent, and the brilliancy of those parts which
+were now proclaimed to the world. Yes! it was quite clear that I had
+hitherto been concealing my candle under a bushel--that I was cut out by
+nature for a legislator--and that I was the very man for the Dreepdaily
+electors. Under this conviction, I started upon my canvass, munimented
+with letters of introduction from M'Corkindale, who, much against his
+inclination, was compelled to remain at home.
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+Dreepdaily is a beautiful little town, embosomed in an amphitheatre of
+hills which have such a winning way with the clouds that the summits are
+seldom visible. Dreepdaily, if situated in Arabia, would be deemed a
+paradise. All round it the vegetation is long, and lithe, and
+luxuriant; the trees keep their verdure late; and the rush of the
+nettles is amazing.
+
+How the inhabitants contrive to live, is to me a matter of mystery.
+There is no particular trade or calling exercised in the place--no busy
+hum of artisans, or clanking of hammer or machinery. Round the suburbs,
+indeed, there are rows of mean-looking cottages, each with its strapping
+lass in the national short-gown at the door, from the interior of which
+resounds the boom of the weaver's shuttle. There is also one factory at
+a little distance; but when you reach the town itself, all is
+supereminently silent. In fine weather, crowds of urchins of both sexes
+are seen sunning themselves on the quaint-looking flights of steps by
+which the doors, usually on the second story, are approached; and as you
+survey the swarms of bare-legged and flaxen-haired infantry, you cannot
+help wondering in your heart what has become of the adult population. It
+is only towards evening that the seniors appear. Then you may find them
+either congregated on the bridge discussing politics and polemics, or
+lounging in the little square in affectionate vicinity to the
+public-house, or leaning over the windows in their shirt-sleeves, in the
+tranquil enjoyment of a pipe. In short, the cares and the bustle of the
+world, even in this railroad age, seem to have fallen lightly on the
+pacific burghers of Dreepdaily. According to their own account, the
+town was once a peculiar favourite of royalty. It boasts of a charter
+from King David the First, and there is an old ruin in the neighbourhood
+which is said to have been a palace of that redoubted monarch. It may be
+so, for there is no accounting for constitutions; but had I been King
+David, I certainly should have preferred a place where the younger
+branches of the family would have been less liable to the accident of
+catarrh.
+
+Dreepdaily, in the olden time, was among the closest of all the burghs.
+Its representation had a fixed price, which was always rigorously
+exacted and punctually paid; and for half a year thereafter, the
+corporation made merry thereon. The Reform Bill, therefore, was by no
+means popular in the council. A number of discontented Radicals and of
+small householders, who hitherto had been excluded from participation in
+the good things of the State, now got upon the roll, and seemed
+determined for a time to carry matters with a high hand, and to return a
+member of their own. And doubtless they would have succeeded, had not
+the same spirit been abroad in the sister burghs of Drouthielaw and
+Kittleweem; which, for some especial reason or other, known doubtless to
+Lord John Russell, but utterly unintelligible to the rest of mankind,
+were, though situated in different counties, associated with Dreepdaily
+in the return of their future member. Each of these places had a
+separate interest, and started a separate man; so that, amidst this
+conflict of Liberalism, the old member for Dreepdaily, a Conservative,
+again slipped into his place. The consequence was, that the three burghs
+were involved in a desperate feud.
+
+In those days there lived in Dreepdaily one Laurence Linklater, more
+commonly known by the name of Tod Lowrie, who exercised the respectable
+functions of a writer and a messenger-at-arms. Lowrie was a remarkably
+acute individual, of the Gilbert Glossin school, by no means scrupulous
+in his dealings, but of singular plausibility and courage. He had
+started in life as a Radical, but finding that that line did not pay
+well, he had prudently subsided into a Whig, and in that capacity had
+acquired a sort of local notoriety. He had contrived, moreover, to gain
+a tolerable footing in Drouthielaw, and in the course of time became
+intimately acquainted with the circumstances of its inhabitants, and
+under the pretext of agency had contrived to worm the greater part of
+their title-deeds into his keeping.
+
+It then occurred to Lowrie, that, notwithstanding the discordant
+situation of the burghs, something might be done to effect a union under
+his own especial chieftainship. Not that he cared in his heart one
+farthing about the representation--Tyrian and Trojan were in reality the
+same to him--but he saw that the gain of these burghs would be of
+immense advantage to his party, and he determined that the advantage
+should be balanced by a corresponding profit to himself. Accordingly, he
+began quietly to look to the state of the neglected register; lodged
+objections to all claims given in by parties upon whom he could not
+depend; smuggled a sufficient number of his own clients and adherents
+upon the roll, and in the course of three years was able to intimate to
+an eminent Whig partisan, that he, Laurence Linklater, held in his own
+hands the representation of the Dreepdaily Burghs, could turn the
+election either way he pleased, and was open to reasonable terms.
+
+The result was, that Mr Linklater was promoted to a very lucrative
+county office, and moreover, that the whole patronage of the district
+was thereafter observed to flow through the Laurentian channel. Of
+course all those who could claim kith or kindred with Lowrie were
+provided for in the first instance; but there were stray crumbs still
+going, and in no one case could even a gaugership be obtained without
+the adhesion of an additional vote. Either the applicant must be ready
+to sell his independence, or, if that were done already, to pervert the
+politics of a relative. A Whig member was returned at the next election
+by an immense majority; and for some time Linklater reigned supreme in
+the government of Dreepdaily and Drouthielaw.
+
+But death, which spares no governors, knocked at the door of Linklater.
+A surfeit of mutton-pies, after the triumphant termination of a
+law-suit, threw the burghs into a state of anarchy. Lowrie was gathered
+unto his fathers, and there was no one to reign in his stead.
+
+At least there was no apparent ruler. Every one observed, that the
+stream of patronage and of local jobbing still flowed on as copiously as
+before, but nobody could discover by what hands it was now directed.
+Suspicion fastened its eyes for some time upon Provost Binkie; but the
+vehement denials of that gentleman, though not in themselves conclusive,
+at last gained credence from the fact, that a situation which he had
+solicited from Government for his nephew was given to another person.
+Awful rumours began to circulate of the existence of a secret junta.
+Each man regarded his neighbour with intense suspicion and distrust,
+because, for anything he knew, that neighbour might be a member of the
+terrible tribunal, by means of which all the affairs of the community
+were regulated, and a single ill-timed word might absolutely prove his
+ruin. Such, indeed, in one instance was the case. In an evil hour for
+himself, an independent town-councillor thought fit to denounce the
+Clique as an unconstitutional and tyrannical body, and to table a motion
+for an inquiry as to its nature, members, and proceedings. So strong was
+the general alarm that he could not even find a seconder. But the matter
+did not stop there. The rash meddler had drawn upon himself the
+vengeance of a remorseless foe. His business began to fall off; rumours
+of the most malignant description were circulated regarding his
+character; two of his relatives who held situations were dismissed
+without warning and without apology; his credit was assailed in every
+quarter; and in less than six months after he had made that most
+unfortunate harangue, the name of Thomas Gritt, baker in Dreepdaily, was
+seen to figure in the Gazette. So fell Gritt a martyr, and if any one
+mourned for him, it was in secret, and the profoundest awe.
+
+Such was the political state of matters, at the time when I rode down
+the principal street of Dreepdaily. I need hardly say that I did not
+know a single soul in the burgh; in that respect, indeed, there was
+entire reciprocity on both sides, for the requisition referred to in my
+address was a felicitous fiction by M'Corkindale. I stopped before a
+substantial bluff-looking house, the lower part of which was occupied as
+a shop, and a scroll above informed me that the proprietor was Walter
+Binkie, grocer.
+
+A short squat man, with an oleaginous face and remarkably bushy
+eyebrows, was in the act of weighing out a pennyworth of "sweeties" to a
+little girl as I entered.
+
+"Is the Provost of Dreepdaily within?" asked I.
+
+"I'se warrant he's that," was the reply; "Hae, my dear, there's a sugar
+almond t'ye into the bargain. Gae your waus hame noo, and tell your
+mither that I've some grand new tea. Weel, sir, what was you wanting?"
+
+"I wish particularly to speak to the Provost."
+
+"Weel then, speak awa'," and he straightway squatted himself before his
+ledger.
+
+"I beg your pardon, sir! Have I really the honour of addressing--"
+
+"Walter Binkie, the Provost of this burgh. But if ye come on Council
+matters, ye're lang ahint the hour. I'm just steppin' up to denner, and
+I never do business after that."
+
+"But perhaps you will allow me--"
+
+"I will allow nae man, sir, to interrupt my leisure. If ye're wanting
+onything, gang to the Town-Clerk."
+
+"Permit me one moment--my name is Dunshunner."
+
+"Eh, what!" cried the Provost, bounding from his stool, "speak lower or
+the lad will hear ye. Are ye the gentleman that's stannin' for the
+burrows?"
+
+"The same."
+
+"Lord-sake! what for did ye no say that afore? Jims! I say, Jims! Look
+after the shop! Come this way, sir, up the stair, and take care ye dinna
+stumble on that toom cask o' saut."
+
+I followed the Provost up a kind of corkscrew stair, until we emerged
+upon a landing-place in his own proper domicile. We entered the
+dining-room. It was showily furnished; with an enormous urn of paper
+roses in the grate, two stuffed parroquets upon the mantelpiece, a
+flamingo-coloured carpet, enormous worsted bell-pulls, and a couple of
+portraits by some peripatetic follower of Vandyke, one of them
+representing the Provost in his civic costume, and the other bearing
+some likeness to a fat female in a turban, with a cairngorm brooch about
+the size of a platter on her breast, and no want of carmine on the space
+dedicated to the cheeks.
+
+The Provost locked the door, and then clapped his ear to the key-hole.
+He next approached the window, drew down the blinds so as effectually to
+prevent any opposite scrutiny, and motioned me to a seat.
+
+"And so ye're Mr Dunshunner?" said he. "Oh man, but I've been wearyin'
+to see you!"
+
+"Indeed! you flatter me very much."
+
+"Nae flattery, Mr Dunshunner--nane! I'm a plain honest man, that's a',
+and naebody can say that Wattie Binkie has blawn in their lug. And sae
+ye're comin' forrard for the burrows? It's a bauld thing, sir--a bauld
+thing, and a great honour ye seek. No that I think ye winna do honour to
+it, but it's a great trust for sae young a man; a heavy responsibility,
+as a body may say, to hang upon a callant's shouthers."
+
+"I hope, Mr Binkie, that my future conduct may show that I can at least
+act up to my professions."
+
+"Nae doubt, sir--I'm no misdoubtin' ye, and to say the truth ye profess
+weel. I've read yer address, sir, and I like yer principles--they're the
+stench auld Whig anes--keep a' we can to ourselves, and haud a gude
+grup. But wha's bringing ye forrard? Wha signed yer requisition? No the
+Kittleweem folk, I hope?--that wad be a sair thing against ye."
+
+"Why, no--certainly not. The fact is, Mr Binkie, that I have not seen
+the requisition. Its contents were communicated by a third party, on
+whom I have the most perfect reliance; and as I understood there was
+some delicacy in the matter, I did not think it proper to insist upon a
+sight of the signatures."
+
+The Provost gave a long whistle.
+
+"I see it noo!" he said; "I see it! I ken't there was something gaun on
+forbye the common. Ye're a lucky man, Mr Dunshunner, and ye're election
+is as sure as won. Ye've been spoken to by them ye ken o'!"
+
+"Upon my word, I do not understand--"
+
+"Ay--ay! Ye're richt to be cautious. Weel I wat they are kittle cattle
+to ride the water on. But wha was't, sir,--wha was't? Ye needna be
+feared of me. I ken how to keep a secret."
+
+"Really, Mr Binkie, except through a third party, as I have told you
+already, I have had no communication with any one."
+
+"Weel--they _are_ close--there's nae denyin' that. But ye surely maun
+hae some inkling o' the men--Them that's ahint the screen, ye ken?"
+
+"Indeed, I have not. But stay--if you allude to the Clique----"
+
+"Wheest, sir, wheest!" cried the Provost, in an agitated tone of voice.
+"Gudesake, tak care what ye say--ye dinna ken wha may hear ye. Ye hae
+spoken a word that I havena heard this mony a day without shaking in my
+shoon. Aye speak ceevily o' the deil--ye dinna ken how weel ye may be
+acquaunt!"
+
+"Surely, sir, there can be no harm in mentioning the----"
+
+"No under that name, Mr Dunshunner--no under that name, and no here. I
+wadna ca' them that on the tap of Ben-Nevis without a grue. Ay--and sae
+THEY are wi' ye, are they? Weel, they are a queer set!"
+
+"You know the parties, then, Mr Binkie?"
+
+"I ken nae mair aboot them than I ken whaur to find the caverns o' the
+east wind. Whether they are three, or thretty, or a hunder, surpasses my
+knowledge; but they hae got the secret o' the fern seed, and walk about
+invisible. It is a'thegether a great mystery, but doubtless ye will
+obtain a glimpse. In the mean time, since ye come from that quarter, I
+am bound to obey."
+
+"You are very kind, I am sure, Mr Binkie. May I ask, then, your opinion
+of matters as they stand at present?"
+
+"Our present member, Mr Whistlerigg, will no stand again. He's got some
+place or ither up in London; and, my certie, he's worked weel for it!
+There's naebody else stannin' forbye that man Pozzlethwaite, and he
+disna verra weel ken what he is himsel'. If it's a' richt yonder,"
+continued the Provost, jerking his thumb over his left shoulder, "ye're
+as gude as elected."
+
+As it would have been extremely impolitic for me under present
+circumstances to have disclaimed all connection with a body which
+exercised an influence so marked and decided, I allowed Provost Binkie
+to remain under the illusion that I was the chosen candidate of the
+Clique. In fact, I had made up my mind that I should become so at any
+cost, so soon as it vouchsafed to disclose itself and appear before my
+longing eyes. I therefore launched at once into practical details, in
+the discussion of which the Provost exhibited both shrewdness and
+goodwill. He professed his readiness at once to become chairman of my
+committee, drew out a list of the most influential persons in the burgh
+to whom I ought immediately to apply, and gave me much information
+regarding the politics of the other places. From what he said, I
+gathered that, with the aid of the Clique, I was sure of Dreepdaily and
+Drouthielaw--as to the electors of Kittleweem, they were, in his
+opinion, "a wheen dirt," whom it would be useless to consult, and
+hopeless to conciliate. I certainly had no previous idea that the bulk
+of the electors had so little to say in the choice of their own
+representative. When I ventured to hint at the remote possibility of a
+revolt, the Provost indignantly exclaimed--
+
+"They daurna, sir--they daurna for the lives of them do it! Set them up
+indeed! Let me see ony man that wad venture to vote against the Town
+Council and the--and _them_, and I'll make a clean sweep of him out of
+Dreepdaily!"
+
+Nothing, in short, could have been more satisfactory than this
+statement.
+
+Whilst we were conversing together, I heard of a sudden a jingling in
+the next apartment, as if some very aged and decrepid harpsichord were
+being exorcised into the unusual effort of a tune. I glanced inquiringly
+to the door, but the Provost took no notice of my look. In a little
+time, however, there was a short preliminary cough, and a female voice
+of considerable compass took up the following strain. I remember the
+words not more from their singularity, than from the introduction to
+which they were the prelude:--
+
+     "I heard a wee bird singing clear,
+       In the tight, tight month o' June--
+     'What garr'd ye buy when stocks were high,
+       And sell when shares were doun?
+
+     'Gin ye hae play'd me fause, my luve,
+       In simmer 'mang the rain;
+     When siller's scant and scarce at Yule,
+       I'll pay ye back again!
+
+     'O bonny were the Midland Halves,
+       When credit was sae free!--
+     But wae betide the Southron loon
+       That sold they Halves to me!'"
+
+I declare, upon the word of a Railway Director, that I was never more
+taken aback in my life. Attached as I have been from youth to the
+Scottish ballad poetry, I never yet had heard a ditty of this peculiar
+stamp, which struck me as a happy combination of tender fancy with the
+sterner realities of the Exchange. Provost Binkie smiled as he remarked
+my amazement.
+
+"It's only my daughter Maggie, Mr Dunshunner," he said. "Puir thing!
+It's little she has here to amuse her, and sae she whiles writes thae
+kind o' sangs hersel'. She's weel up to the railroads; for ye ken I was
+an auld Glenmutchkin holder."
+
+"Indeed! Was that song Miss Binkie's own composition?" asked I, with
+considerable interest.
+
+"Atweel it is that, and mair too. Maggie, haud your skirling!--ye're
+interrupting me and the gentleman."
+
+"I beg, on no account, Mr Binkie, that I may be allowed to interfere
+with your daughter's amusement. Indeed, it is full time that I were
+betaking myself to the hotel, unless you will honour me so far as to
+introduce me to Miss Binkie."
+
+"Deil a bit o' you gangs to the hotel to-night!" replied the hospitable
+Provost. "You bide where you are to denner and bed, and we'll hae a
+comfortable crack over matters in the evening. Maggie! come ben, lass,
+and speak to Mr Dunshunner."
+
+Miss Binkie, who I am strongly of opinion was all the while conscious of
+the presence of a stranger, now entered from the adjoining room. She was
+really a pretty girl--tall, with lively sparkling eyes, and a profusion
+of dark hair, which she wore in the somewhat exploded shape of ringlets.
+I was not prepared for such an apparition, and I daresay stammered as I
+paid my compliments.
+
+Margaret Binkie, however, had no sort of _mauvaise honte_ about her. She
+had received her final polish in a Glasgow boarding-school, and did
+decided credit to the seminary in which the operation had been
+performed. At all events, she was the reverse of shy; for in less than a
+quarter of an hour we were rattling away as though we had been
+acquainted from childhood; and, to say the truth, I found myself getting
+into something like a strong flirtation. Old Binkie grinned a delighted
+smile, and went out to superintend the decanting of a bottle of port.
+
+I need not, I think, expatiate upon the dinner which followed. The
+hotch-potch was unexceptionable, the salmon curdy, and the lamb roasted
+without a fault; and if the red-armed Hebe who attended was somewhat
+awkward in her motions, she was at least zealous to a degree. The
+Provost got into high feather, and kept plying me perpetually with wine.
+When the cloth was removed, he drank with all formality to my success;
+and as Margaret Binkie, with a laugh, did due honour to the toast, I
+could not do less than indulge in a little flight of fancy as I proposed
+the ladies, and, in connection with them, the Flower of Dreepdaily--a
+sentiment which was acknowledged with a blush.
+
+After Miss Binkie retired, the Provost grew more and more convivial. He
+would not enter into business, but regaled me with numerous anecdotes of
+his past exploits, and of the lives and conversation of his compatriots
+in the Town Council--some of whom appeared, from his description, to be
+very facetious individuals indeed. More particularly, he dwelt upon the
+good qualities and importance of a certain Mr Thomas Gills, better known
+to his friends and kinsfolk by the sobriquet of Toddy Tam, and
+recommended me by all means to cultivate the acquaintance of that
+personage. But, however otherwise loquacious, nothing would persuade the
+Provost to launch out upon the subject of the Clique. He really seemed
+to entertain as profound a terror of that body as ever Huguenot did of
+the Inquisition, and he cut me short at last by ejaculating--
+
+"Sae nae mair on't, Mr Dunshunner--sae nae mair on't! It's ill talking
+on thae things. Ye dinna ken what the Clique is, nor whaur it is. But
+this I ken, that they are everywhere, and a' aboot us; they hear
+everything that passes in this house, and I whiles suspect that Mysie,
+the servant lass, is naething else than are o' them in petticoats!"
+
+More than this I could not elicit. After we had finished a considerable
+quantum of port, we adjourned to the drawing-room, and, tea over, Miss
+Binkie sang to me several of her own songs, whilst the Provost snored
+upon the sofa. Both the songs and the singer were clever, the situation
+was interesting, and, somehow or other, I found my fingers more than
+once in contact with Maggie's, as I turned over the leaves of the music.
+
+At last the Provost rose, with a stertoracious grunt. I thought this
+might be the signal for retiring to rest; but such were not the habits
+of Dreepdaily. Salt herrings and finnan-haddocks were produced along
+with the hot water and accompaniments; and I presume it was rather late
+before my host conducted me to my chamber. If I dreamed at all that
+night, it must have been of Margaret Binkie.
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+The next morning, whilst dressing, I heard a blithe voice carolling on
+the stair. It was the orison of Margaret Binkie as she descended to the
+breakfast-room. I listened and caught the following verses:--
+
+     "O haud away frae me," she said,
+       "I pray you let me be!
+     Hae you the shares ye held, my lord,
+       What time ye courted me?
+
+     "'Tis woman's weird to luve and pine,
+       And man's is to forget:
+     Hold you the shares, Lord James," she said,
+       "Or hae ye sold them yet?"
+
+     "My York Extensions, bought at par,
+       I sold at seven pund prem.--
+     And, O my heart is sair to think
+       I had nae mair of them!"
+
+"That is really a remarkable girl!" thought I, as I stropped my razor.
+"Such genius, such animation, and such a thorough knowledge of the
+market! She would make a splendid wife for a railway director."
+
+"Come away, Mr Dunshunner," said the Provost, as I entered the parlour.
+"I hope ye are yaup, for ye have a lang day's wark before ye."
+
+"I am sure it would be an agreeable one, sir, if accompanied with such
+sweet music as I heard this morning. Pardon me, Miss Binkie, but you
+really are a perfect Sappho."
+
+"You are too good, I am sure, Mr Dunshunner. Will you take tea or
+coffee?"
+
+"Maggie," said the Provost, "I maun put a stop to that skirling--it's
+well eneuch for the night, but the morning is the time for business. Mr
+Dunshunner, I've been thinking over this job of ours, and here is a bit
+listie of the maist influential persons in Dreepdaily, that you maun
+positeevely see this day. They wad be affronted if they kenned ye were
+here without calling on them. Noo, mark me,--I dinna just say that ony
+o' them is the folk ye ken o', but it's no ava unlikely; sae ye maun
+even use yer ain discretion. Tak an auld man's word for it, and aye put
+your best fit foremost."
+
+I acquiesced in the justice of the suggestion, although I was really
+unconscious which foot deserved the precedence. The Provost continued--
+
+"Just ae word mair. Promising is a cheap thing, and ye needna be very
+sparing of it. If onybody speaks to ye about a gaugership, or a place in
+the Customs or the Post-office, just gie ye a bit wink, tak out your
+note-book, and make a mark wi' the keelavine pen. It aye looks weel, and
+gangs as far as a downright promise. Deny or refuse naebody. Let them
+think that ye can do everything wi' the Ministry; and if there should
+happen to be a whaup in the rape, let them even find it out theirsells.
+Tell them that ye stand up for Dreepdaily, and its auld charter, and the
+Whig constitution, and liberal principles. Maist feck o' them disna ken
+what liberal principles is, but they like the word. I whiles think that
+liberal principles means saying muckle and doing naething, but you
+needna tell them that. The Whigs are lang-headed chiells, and they hae
+had the sense to claim a' the liberality for themsells, ever since the
+days o' the Reform Bill."
+
+Such and suchlike were the valuable maxims which Provost Binkie
+instilled into my mind during the progress of breakfast. I must say they
+made a strong impression upon me; and any candidate who may hereafter
+come forward for the representation of a Scottish burgh, on principles
+similar to my own, would do well to peruse and remember them.
+
+At length I rose to go.
+
+"Do I carry your good wishes along with me, Miss Binkie, on my canvass?"
+
+"Most cordially, Mr Dunshunner; I shall be perfectly miserable until I
+learn your success. I can assure you of my support, and earnestly wish I
+was an elector."
+
+"Enviable would be the Member of Parliament who could represent so
+charming a constituency!"
+
+"Oh, Mr Dunshunner!"
+
+Directed by the Provost's list, I set forth in search of my
+constituency. The first elector whose shop I entered was a draper of the
+name M'Auslan. I found him in the midst of his tartans.
+
+"Mr M'Auslan, I presume?"
+
+"Ay," was the curt response.
+
+"Allow me to introduce myself, sir. My name is Dunshunner."
+
+"Oh."
+
+"You are probably aware, sir, that I am a candidate for the
+representation of these burghs?"
+
+"Ay."
+
+"I hope and trust, Mr M'Auslan, that my principles are such as meet with
+your approbation?"
+
+"Maybe."
+
+"I am a friend, sir, to civil and religious liberty,--to Dreepdaily and
+its charter,--to the old Whig constitution of 1688,--and to the true
+interests of the people."
+
+"Weel?"
+
+"Confound the fellow!" thought I, "was there ever such an insensate
+block? I must bring him to the point at once. Mr M'Auslan," I continued
+in a very insinuating tone, "such being my sentiments, may I venture to
+calculate on your support?"
+
+"There's twa words to that bargain," replied M'Auslan, departing from
+monosyllables.
+
+"Any further explanation that may be required, I am sure will readily--"
+
+"It's nae use."
+
+"How?" said I, a good deal alarmed. "Is it possible you are already
+pledged?"
+
+"No."
+
+"Then what objection----"
+
+"I made nane. I see ye dinna ken us here. The pear's no ripe yet."
+
+"What pear?" asked I, astonished at this horticultural allusion.
+
+"Hark ye," said M'Auslan, looking stealthily around him, and for the
+first time exhibiting some marks of intelligence in his features--"Hark
+ye,--hae ye seen Toddy Tam yet?"
+
+"Mr Gills? Not yet. I am just going to wait upon him; but Provost Binkie
+has promised me his support."
+
+"Wha cares for Provost Binkie! Gang to Toddy Tam."
+
+Not one other word could I extract from the oracular M'Auslan; so, like
+a pilgrim, I turned my face towards Mecca, and sallied forth in quest of
+this all-important personage. On my way, however, I entered the house of
+another voter, one Shanks, a member of the Town-Council, from whom I
+received equally unsatisfactory replies. He, like M'Auslan, pointed
+steadily towards Toddy Tam. Now, who and what was the individual who, by
+the common consent of his townsmen, had earned so honourable an epithet?
+
+Mr Thomas Gills had at one time been a clerk in the office of the
+departed Linklater. His function was not strictly legal, nor confined
+to the copying of processes: it had a broader and wider scope, and
+was exercised in a more congenial manner. In short, Mr Gills was a
+kind of provider for the establishment. His duties were to hunt out
+business; which he achieved to a miracle by frequenting every possible
+public-house, and wringing from them, amidst their cups, the stories
+of the wrongs of his compotators. Wo to the wight who sate down for an
+afternoon's conviviality with Toddy Tam! Before the mixing of the fourth
+tumbler, the ingenious Gills was sure to elicit some hardship or
+grievance, for which benignant Themis could give redress; and rare,
+indeed, was the occurrence of the evening on which he did not capture
+some additional clients. He would even go the length of treating his
+victim, when inordinately shy, until the fatal mandate was given, and
+retraction utterly impossible.
+
+Such decided business talents, of course, were not overlooked by the
+sagacious Laurence Linklater. Gills enjoyed a large salary, the greater
+moiety of which he consumed in alcoholic experiments; and shortly before
+the decease of his patron, he was promoted to the lucrative and easy
+office of some county registrarship. He now began to cultivate
+conviviality for its own especial sake. It was no longer dangerous to
+drink with him; for though, from habit, he continued to poke into
+grievances, he never, on the following morning, pursued the subject
+further. But what was most remarkable about Toddy Tam was, his
+independence. He never truckled to dictation from any quarter; but,
+whilst Binkie and the rest were in fear and terror of the Clique, he
+openly defied that body, and dared them to do their worst. He was the
+only man in Dreepdaily who ventured to say that Tom Gritt was right in
+the motion he had made; and he further added, that if he, Thomas Gills,
+had been in the Town-Council, the worthy and patriotic baker should not
+have wanted a seconder. This was considered a very daring speech, and
+one likely to draw down the vengeance of the unrelenting junta: but the
+thunder slept in the cloud, and Mr Gills enjoyed himself as before.
+
+I found him in his back parlour, in company with a very rosy individual.
+Although it was not yet noon, a case-bottle and glasses were on the
+table, and the whole apartment stunk abominably with the fumes of
+whisky.
+
+"Sit in, Mr Dunshunner, sit in!" said Toddy Tam, in a tone of great
+cordiality, after I had effected my introduction. "Ye'll no hae had your
+morning yet? Lass, bring in a clean glass for the gentleman."
+
+"I hope you will excuse me, Mr Gills. I really never do--"
+
+"Hoots--nonsense! Ye maun be neighbour-like, ye ken--we a' expect it at
+Dreepdaily." And so saying, Toddy Tam poured me out a full glass of
+spirits. I had as lieve have swallowed ink, but I was forced to
+constrain myself and bolt it.
+
+"Ay, and so ye are coming round to us as a candidate, are ye? What d'ye
+think o' that, Mr Thamson--hae ye read Mr Dunshunner's address?"
+
+The rubicund individual chuckled, leered, and rose to go, but Toddy Tam
+laid a heavy hand upon his shoulder.
+
+"Sit ye down man," he said; "I've naething to say to Mr Dunshunner that
+the hail warld may not hear, nor him to me neither, I hope."
+
+"Certainly not," said I; "and I really should feel it as a great
+obligation if Mr Thomson would be kind enough to remain."
+
+"That's right, lad!" shouted Gills. "Nae hole-and-corner work for me! A'
+fair and abune board, and the deil fly away with the Clique!"
+
+Had Thomson been an ordinary man, he probably would have grown pale at
+this daring objurgation: as it was, he fidgetted in his chair, and his
+face became a shade more crimson.
+
+"Weel, now," continued Toddy Tam, "let us hear what Mr Dunshunner has
+got to say for himsel'. There's naething like hearing opinions before we
+put ony questions."
+
+Thus adjured, I went through the whole of my political confession of
+faith, laying, of course, due stress upon the great and glorious
+Revolution of 1688, and my devotion to the cause of liberality. Toddy
+Tam and his companion heard me to the end without interruption.
+
+"Gude--sae far gude, Mr Dunshunner," said Gills. "I see little to objeck
+to in your general principles; but for a' that I'm no going to pledge
+mysel' until I ken mair o' ye. I hope, sir, that ye're using nae
+underhand influence--that there has been nae communings with the Clique,
+a body that I perfeckly abominate? Dreepdaily shall never be made a
+pocket burrow, so long as Thomas Gills has any influence in it."
+
+I assured Mr Gills, what was the naked truth, that I had no knowledge
+whatever of the Clique.
+
+"Ye see, Mr Dunshunner," continued Toddy Tam, "we are a gey and
+independent sort of people here, and we want to be independently
+represented. My gude friend, Mr Thamson here, can tell you that I have
+had a sair fecht against secret influence, and I am amaist feared that
+some men like the Provost owe me a grudge for it. He's a pawkie loon,
+the Provost, and kens brawly how to play his cards."
+
+"He's a' that!" ejaculated Thomson.
+
+"But I dinna care a snuff of tobacco for the haill of the Town-Council,
+or the Clique. Give me a man of perfeck independence, and I'll support
+him. I voted for the last member sair against my conscience, for he was
+put up by the Clique, and never came near us: but I hope better things
+frae you, Mr Dunshunner, if you should happen to be returned. Mind, I
+don't say that I am going to support ye--I maun think about it: but if
+ye are a good man and a true, and no a nominee, I dare say that both my
+gude freend Thamson, and mysell, will no objeck to lend you a
+helping-hand."
+
+This was all I could extract from Toddy Tam, and, though favourable, it
+was far from being satisfactory. There was a want, from some cause or
+another, of that cordial support which I had been led to anticipate;
+and I almost felt half inclined to abandon the enterprise altogether.
+However, after having issued my address, this would have looked like
+cowardice. I therefore diligently prosecuted my canvass, and contrived,
+in the course of the day, to encounter a great portion of the
+electors. Very few pledged themselves. Some surly independents refused
+point-blank, alleging that they did not intend to vote at all: others
+declined to promise, until they should know how Toddy Tam and other
+magnates were likely to go. My only pledges were from the sworn
+retainers of the Provost.
+
+"Well, Mr Dunshunner, what success?" cried Miss Margaret Binkie, as I
+returned rather jaded from my circuit. "I hope you have found all the
+Dreepdaily people quite favourable?"
+
+"Why no, Miss Binkie, not quite so much so as I could desire. Your
+townsmen here seem uncommonly slow in making up their minds to
+anything."
+
+"Oh, that is always their way. I have heard Papa say that the same thing
+took place at last election, and that nobody declared for Mr Whistlerigg
+until the very evening before the nomination. So you see you must not
+lose heart."
+
+"If my visit to Dreepdaily should have no other result, Miss Binkie, I
+shall always esteem it one of the most fortunate passages of my life,
+since it has given me the privilege of your acquaintance."
+
+"Oh, Mr Dunshunner! How can you speak so? I am afraid you are a great
+flatterer!" replied Miss Binkie, pulling at the same time a sprig of
+geranium to pieces. "But you look tired--pray take a glass of wine."
+
+"By no means, Miss Binkie. A word from you is a sufficient cordial.
+Happy geranium!" said I, picking up the petals.
+
+Now I know very well that all this sort of thing is wrong, and that a
+man has no business to begin flirtations if he cannot see his way to
+the end of them. At the same time, I hold the individual who dislikes
+flirtations to be a fool; and sometimes they are utterly irresistible.
+
+"Now, Mr Dunshunner, I do beg you won't! Pray sit down on the sofa, for
+I am sure you are tired; and if you like to listen, I shall sing you a
+little ballad I have composed to-day."
+
+"I would rather hear you sing than an angel," said I; "but pray do not
+debar me the privilege of standing by your side."
+
+"Just as you please;" and Margaret began to rattle away on the
+harpsichord.
+
+     "O whaur hae ye been, Augustus, my son?
+     O whaur hae ye been, my winsome young man?
+     I hae been to the voters--Mither, mak my bed soon,
+     For I'm weary wi' canvassing, and fain wad lay me doun.
+
+     O whaur are your plumpers, Augustus, my son?
+     O whaur are your split votes, my winsome young man?
+     They are sold to the Clique--Mither, mak my bed soon,
+     For I'm weary wi' canvassing, and fain wad lay me doun.
+
+     O I fear ye are cheated, Augustus, my son,
+     O I fear ye are done for, my winsome young man!
+     'I hae been to my true love----'"
+
+I could stand this no longer.
+
+"Charming, cruel girl!" cried I, dropping on one knee,--"why will you
+thus sport with my feelings? Where else should I seek for my true love
+but here?"
+
+I don't know what might have been the sequel of the scene, had not my
+good genius, in the shape of Mysie the servant girl, at this moment
+burst into the apartment. Miss Binkie with great presence of mind
+dropped her handkerchief, which afforded me an excellent excuse for
+recovering my erect position.
+
+Mysie was the bearer of a billet, addressed to myself, and marked
+"private and particular." I opened it and read as follows:--
+
+     "SIR--Some of those who are well disposed towards you have arranged
+     to meet this night, and are desirous of a private interview, at
+     which full and mutual explanations may be given. It may be right to
+     mention to you that the question of _the currency_ will form the
+     basis of any political arrangement; and it is expected that you
+     will then be prepared to state explicitly your views with regard to
+     _bullion_. Something _more than pledges_ upon this subject will be
+     required.
+
+     "As this meeting will be a strictly private one, the utmost secresy
+     must be observed. Be on the bridge at eleven o'clock this night,
+     and you will be conducted to the appointed place. Do not fail, as
+     you value your own interest.--Yours, &c.
+
+               "SHELL OUT."
+
+"Who brought this letter, Mysie?" said I, considerably flustered at its
+contents.
+
+"A laddie. He said there was nae answer, and ran awa'."
+
+"No bad news, I hope, Mr Dunshunner?" said Margaret timidly.
+
+I looked at Miss Binkie. Her eye was still sparkling, and her cheek
+flushed. She evidently was annoyed at the interruption, and expected a
+renewal of the conversation. But I felt that I had gone quite far
+enough, if not a little beyond the line of prudence. It is easy to make
+a declaration, but remarkably difficult to back out of it; and I began
+to think that, upon the whole, I had been a little too precipitate. On
+the plea, therefore, of business, I emerged into the open air; and,
+during a walk of a couple of miles, held secret communing with myself.
+
+"Here you are again, Dunshunner, my fine fellow, putting your foot into
+it as usual! If it had not been for the arrival of the servant, you
+would have been an engaged man at this moment, and saddled with a
+father-in-law in the shape of a vender of molasses. Besides, it is my
+private opinion that you don't care sixpence about the girl. But it is
+the old story. This is the third time since Christmas that you have been
+on the point of committing matrimony; and if you don't look sharp after
+yourself, you will be sold an especial bargain! Now, frankly and fairly,
+do you not acknowledge yourself to be an idiot?"
+
+I did. Men are generally very candid and open in their confessions to
+themselves; and the glaring absurdity of my conduct was admitted without
+any hesitation. I resolved to mend my ways accordingly, and to eschew
+for the future all tete-a-tetes with the too fascinating Maggie Binkie.
+That point disposed of, I returned to the mysterious missive. To say the
+truth, I did not much like it. Had these been the days of Burking, I
+should have entertained some slight personal apprehension; but as there
+was no such danger, I regarded it either as a hoax, or as some
+electioneering _ruse_, the purpose of which I could not fathom. However,
+as it is never wise to throw away any chance, I determined to keep the
+appointment; and, if a meeting really were held, to give the best
+explanations in my power to my correspondent, Mr Shell Out, and his
+friends. In this mood of mind I returned to the Provost's dwelling.
+
+The dinner that day was not so joyous as before. Old Binkie questioned
+me very closely as to the result of my visits, and seemed chagrined that
+Toddy Tam had not been more definite in his promises of support.
+
+"Ye maun hae Tam," said the Provost. "He disna like the Clique--I hope
+naebody's listening--nor the Clique him; but he stands weel wi' the
+Independents, and the Seceders will go wi' him to a man. We canna afford
+to lose Gills. I'll send ower for him, and see if we canna talk him into
+reason. Haith, though, we'll need mair whisky, for Tam requires an unco
+deal of slockening!"
+
+Tam, however, proved to be from home, and therefore the Provost and I
+were left to our accustomed duet. He complained grievously of my
+abstemiousness, which for divers reasons I thought it prudent to
+observe. An extra tumbler might again have made Miss Binkie a cherub in
+my eyes.
+
+I am afraid that the young lady thought me a very changeable person.
+When the Provost fell asleep, she allowed the conversation to languish,
+until it reached that awful degree of pause which usually precedes the
+popping of the question. But this time I was on my guard, and held out
+with heroic stubbornness. I did not even launch out upon the subject of
+poetry, which Maggie rather cleverly introduced; for there is a decided
+affinity between the gay science and the tender passion, and it is
+difficult to preserve indifference when quoting from the "Loves of the
+Angels." I thought it safer to try metaphysics. It is not easy to
+extract an amorous avowal, even by implication, from a discourse upon
+the theory of consciousness; and I flatter myself that Kant, if he could
+have heard me that evening, would have returned home with some novel
+lights upon the subject. Miss Binkie seemed to think that I might have
+selected a more congenial theme; for she presently exhibited symptoms of
+pettishness, took up a book, and applied herself diligently to the
+perusal of a popular treatise upon knitting.
+
+Shortly afterwards, the Provost awoke, and his daughter took occasion to
+retire. She held out her hand to me with rather a reproachful look, but,
+though sorely tempted, I did not indulge in a squeeze.
+
+"That's a fine lassie--a very fine lassie!" remarked the Provost, as he
+severed a Welsh rabbit into twain. "Ye are no a family man yet, Mr
+Dunshunner, and ye maybe canna comprehend what a comfort she has been to
+me. I'm auld now, and a thocht failing; but it is a great relief to me
+to ken that, when I am in my grave, Maggie winna be tocherless. I've
+laid up a braw nest-egg for her ower at the bank yonder."
+
+I of course coincided in the praise of Miss Binkie, but showed so little
+curiosity as to the contents of the indicated egg, that the Provost
+thought proper to enlighten me, and hinted at eight thousand pounds. It
+is my positive belief that the worthy man expected an immediate
+proposal: if so, he was pretty egregiously mistaken. I could not,
+however, afford, at this particular crisis, to offend him, and
+accordingly stuck to generals. As the hour of meeting was approaching, I
+thought it necessary to acquaint him with the message I had received, in
+order to account for my exit at so unseasonable a time.
+
+"It's verra odd," said the Provost,--"verra odd! A' Dreepdaily should be
+in their beds by this time, and I canna think there could be a meeting
+without me hearing of it. It's just the reverse o' constitutional to
+keep folk trailing aboot the toun at this time o' nicht, and the brig is
+a queer place for a tryst."
+
+"You do not surely apprehend, Mr Binkie, that there is any danger?"
+
+"No just that, but you'll no be the waur o' a stick. Ony gait, I'll send
+to Saunders Caup, the toun-officer, to be on the look-out. If ony body
+offers to harm ye, be sure ye cry out, and Saunders will be up in a
+crack. He's as stieve as steel, and an auld Waterloo man."
+
+As a considerable number of years has elapsed since the last great
+European conflict, I confess that my confidence in the capabilities of
+Mr Caup, as an ally, was inferior to my belief in his prowess. I
+therefore declined the proposal, but accepted the weapon; and, after a
+valedictory tumbler with my host, emerged into the darkened street.
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+Francis Osbaldistone, when he encountered the famous Rob Roy by night,
+was in all probability, notwithstanding Sir Walter's assertion to the
+contrary, in a very tolerable state of trepidation. At least I know that
+I was, as I neared the bridge of Dreepdaily. It was a nasty night of
+wind and rain, and not a soul was stirring in the street--the surface
+of which did little credit to the industry of the paving department,
+judging from the number of dubs in which I found involuntary
+accommodation. As I floundered along through the mire, I breathed
+anything but benedictions on the mysterious Shell Out, who was the
+cause of my midnight wandering.
+
+Just as I reached the bridge, beneath which the river was roaring rather
+uncomfortably, a ragged-looking figure started out from an entry. A
+solitary lamp, suspended from above, gave me a full view of this
+personage, who resembled an animated scarecrow.
+
+He stared me full in the face, and then muttered, with a wink and a
+leer,--
+
+"Was ye seekin' for ony body the nicht? Eh wow, man, but it's cauld!"
+
+"Who may you be, my friend?" said I, edging off from my unpromising
+acquaintance.
+
+"Wha may I be?" replied the other: "that's a gude ane! Gosh, d'ye no ken
+me? Au'm Geordie Dowie, the town bauldy, that's as weel kent as the
+Provost hissell!"
+
+To say the truth, Geordie was a very truculent-looking character to be
+an innocent. However, imbeciles of this description are usually
+harmless.
+
+"And what have you got to say to me, Geordie?"
+
+     "If ye're the man I think ye are,
+       And ye're name begins wi' a D,
+     Just tak ye tae yer soople shanks,
+       And tramp alang wi' me,"
+
+quavered the idiot, who, like many others, had a natural turn for
+poetry.
+
+"And where are we going to, Geordie, my man?" said I in a soothing
+voice.
+
+"Ye'll find that when we get there," replied the bauldy.
+
+     "Hey the bonnie gill-stoup!
+     Ho the bonnie gill-stoup!
+     Gie me walth o' barley bree,
+     And leeze me on the gill-stoup!"
+
+"But you can at least tell me who sent you here, Geordie?" said I,
+anxious for further information before intrusting myself to such erratic
+guidance.
+
+He of the gill-stoups lifted up his voice and sang--
+
+     "Cam' ye by Tweedside,
+       Or cam' ye by Flodden?
+     Met ye the deil
+       On the braes o' Culloden?
+
+     "Three imps o' darkness
+       I saw in a neuk,
+     Riving the red-coats,
+       And roasting the Deuk.
+
+     "Quo' ane o' them--'Geordie,
+       Gae down to the brig,
+     I'm yaup for my supper,
+       And fetch us a Whig.'
+
+"Ha! ha! ha! Hoo d'ye like that, my man? Queer freends ye've gotten noo,
+and ye'll need a lang spoon to sup kail wi' them. But come awa'. I canna
+stand here the haill nicht listening to your havers."
+
+Although the hint conveyed by Mr Dowie's ingenious verses was rather of
+an alarming nature, I made up my mind at once to run all risks and
+follow him. Geordie strode on, selecting apparently the most
+unfrequented lanes, and making, as I anxiously observed, for a remote
+part of the suburbs. Nor was his voice silent during our progress, for
+he kept regaling me with a series of snatches, which, being for the most
+part of a supernatural and diabolical tendency, did not much contribute
+towards the restoration of my equanimity. At length he paused before a
+small house, the access to which was by a downward flight of steps.
+
+"Ay--this is the place!" he muttered. "I ken it weel. It's no just bad
+the whusky that they sell, but they needna put sae muckle water
+intil't."
+
+So saying, he descended the stair. I followed. There was no light in the
+passage, but the idiot went forward, stumbling and groping in the dark.
+I saw a bright ray streaming through a crevice, and three distinct
+knocks were given.
+
+"Come in, whaever ye are!" said a bluff voice: and I entered a low
+apartment, in which the candles looked yellow through a fog of
+tobacco-smoke. Three men were seated at a deal table, covered with the
+implements of national conviviality; and to my intense astonishment none
+of the three were strangers to me. I at once recognised the features of
+the taciturn M'Auslan, the wary Shanks, and the independent Mr Thomas
+Gills.
+
+"There's the man ye wanted," said Geordie Dowie, slapping me familiarly
+on the shoulder.--"Whaur's the dram ye promised me?
+
+     "In Campbelltown my luve was born,
+       Her mither in Glen Turrit!
+     But Ferintosh is the place for me,
+       For that's the strangest speerit!"
+
+"Haud yer clavering tongue, ye common village!" said Toddy Tam. "Wad ye
+bring in the neebourhood on us? M'Auslan, gie the body his dram, and
+then see him out of the door. We manna be interfered wi' in our cracks."
+
+M'Auslan obeyed. A large glass of alcohol was given to my guide, who
+swallowed it with a sigh of pleasure.
+
+"Eh, man! that's gude and strang! It's no ilka whusky that'll mak
+Geordie Dowie pech. Fair fa' yer face, my bonny M'Auslan! could you no
+just gi'e us anither?"
+
+"Pit him out!" said the remorseless Gills. "It's just extraordinar how
+fond the creature is o' drink!" and Geordie was forcibly ejected, after
+an ineffectual clutch at the bottle.
+
+"Sit ye down, Mr Dunshunner," said Toddy Tam, addressing himself to me;
+"sit ye down, and mix yoursel' a tumbler. I daresay now ye was a little
+surprised at the note ye got this morning, eh?"
+
+"Why, certainly, Mr Gills, I did not anticipate the pleasure----"
+
+"Ay, I kenned ye wad wonder at it. But ilka place has its ain way o'
+doing business, and this is ours--quiet and cozy, ye see. I'se warrant,
+too, ye thocht M'Auslan a queer ane because he wadna speak out?"
+
+I laughed dubiously towards M'Auslan, who responded with the austerest
+of possible grins.
+
+"And Shanks, too," continued Toddy Tam; "Shanks wadna speak out neither.
+They're auld-farrant hands baith o' them, Mr Dunshunner, and they didna
+like to promise ony thing without me. We three aye gang thegither."
+
+"I hope, then, Mr Gills, that I may calculate upon your support and that
+of your friends. My views upon the currency----"
+
+"Ay! that's speaking out at ance. Hoo muckle?"
+
+"Ay! hoo muckle?" interposed M'Auslan, with a glistening eye.
+
+"I really do not understand you, gentlemen."
+
+"Troth, then, ye're slow at the uptak," remarked Gills, after a meaning
+pause. "I see we maun be clear and conceese. Hark ye, Mr
+Dunshunner,--wha do ye think we are?"
+
+"Three most respectable gentlemen, for whom I have the highest possible
+regard."
+
+"Hoots!--nonsense! D'ye no ken?"
+
+"No," was my puzzled response.
+
+"Weel, then," said Toddy Tam, advancing his lips to my ear, and pouring
+forth an alcoholic whisper--"we three can do mair than ye think o'--It's
+huz that is THE CLIQUE!"
+
+I recoiled in perfect amazement, and gazed in succession upon the
+countenances of the three compatriots. Yes--there could be no doubt
+about it--I was in the presence of the tremendous junta of Dreepdaily;
+the veil of Isis had been lifted up, and the principal figure upon the
+pedestal was the magnanimous and independent Gills. Always a worshipper
+of genius, I began to entertain a feeling little short of veneration
+towards Toddy Tam. The admirable manner in which he had contrived to
+conceal his real power from the public--his assumed indignation and
+horror of the Clique--and his hold over all classes of the electors,
+demonstrated him at once to be a consummate master of the political art.
+Machiavelli could not have devised a subtler stratagem than Gills.
+
+"That's just the plain truth o' the matter," observed Shanks, who had
+hitherto remained silent. "We three is the Clique, and we hae the
+representation o' the burrow in our hands. Now, to speak to the point,
+if we put our names down on your Committee, you carry the election, and
+we're ready to come to an understanding upon fair and liberal grounds."
+
+And we did come to an understanding upon grounds which might be justly
+characterised as fair on the one side, and certainly liberal on the
+other. There was of course some little discussion as to the lengths I
+was expected to go in financial matters; and it was even hinted that,
+with regard to bullion, the Honourable Mr Pozzlethwaite might possibly
+entertain as enlarged views as myself. However, we fortunately succeeded
+in adjusting all our differences. I not only promised to give the weight
+of my name to a bill, but exhibited, upon the spot, a draft which met
+with the cordial approbation of my friends, and which indeed was so
+satisfactory that they did not offer to return it.
+
+"That's a' right then," said Toddy Tam, inserting the last-mentioned
+document in a greasy pocket-book. "Our names go down on your Committy,
+and the election is as gude as won!"
+
+An eldritch laugh at a little window, which communicated with the
+street, at this moment electrified the speaker. There was a glimpse of a
+human face seen through the dingy pane.
+
+A loud oath burst from the lips of Toddy Thomas.
+
+"Some deevil has been watching us!" he cried. "Rin, M'Auslan, rin for
+your life, and grip him afore he can turn the corner! I wad not for a
+thousand pund that this nicht's wark were to get wind!"
+
+M'Auslan rushed, as desired; but all his efforts were ineffectual. The
+fugitive, whoever he was, had very prudently dived into the darkness,
+and the draper returned without his victim.
+
+"What is to be done?" said I. "It strikes me, gentlemen, that this may
+turn out to be a very unpleasant business."
+
+"Nae fears--nae fears!" said Toddy Tam, looking, however, the reverse of
+comfortable. "It will hae been some callant trying to fley us, that's
+a'. But, mind ye--no a word o' this to ony living human being, and aboon
+a' to Provost Binkie. I've keepit him for four years in the dark, and it
+never wad do to show the cat the road to the kirn!"
+
+I acquiesced in the precautionary arrangement, and we parted; Toddy Tam
+and his friends having, by this time, disposed of all the surplus fluid.
+It was very late before I reached the Provost's dwelling.
+
+I suppose that next morning I had overslept myself; for, when I awoke, I
+heard Miss Binkie in full operation at the piano. This time, however,
+she was not singing alone, for a male voice was audible in conjunction
+with hers.
+
+"It would be an amazing consolation to me if somebody would carry off
+that girl!" thought I, as I proceeded with my toilet. "I made a deuced
+fool of myself to her yesterday; and, to say the truth, I don't very
+well know how to look her in the face!"
+
+However, there was no help for it, so I proceeded down-stairs. The
+first individual I recognised in the breakfast parlour was M'Corkindale.
+He was engaged in singing, along with Miss Binkie, some idiotical catch
+about a couple of albino mice.
+
+"Bob!" cried I, "my dear Bob, I am delighted to see you;--what on earth
+has brought you here?"
+
+"A gig and a foundered mare," replied the matter-of-fact M'Corkindale.
+"The fact is, that I was anxious to hear about your canvass; and, as
+there was nothing to do in Glasgow--by the way, Dunshunner, the banks
+have put on the screw again--I resolved to satisfy my own curiosity in
+person. I arrived this morning, and Miss Binkie has been kind enough to
+ask me to stay breakfast."
+
+"I am sure both papa and I are always happy to see Mr M'Corkindale,"
+said Margaret impressively.
+
+"I am afraid," said I, "that I have interrupted your music: I did not
+know, M'Corkindale, that you were so eminent a performer."
+
+"I hold with Aristotle," replied Bob modestly, "that music and political
+economy are at the head of all the sciences. But it is very seldom that
+one can meet with so accomplished a partner as Miss Binkie."
+
+"Oh, ho," thought I. But here the entrance of the Provost diverted the
+conversation, and we all sat down to breakfast. Old Binkie was evidently
+dying to know the result of my interview on the previous evening, but I
+was determined to keep him in the dark. Bob fed like an ogre, and made
+prodigious efforts to be polite.
+
+After breakfast, on the pretext of business we went out for a walk. The
+economist lighted his cigar.
+
+"Snug quarters these, Dunshunner, at the Provost's."
+
+"Very. But, Bob, things are looking rather well here. I had a
+negotiation last night which has as good as settled the business."
+
+"I am very glad to hear it.--Nice girl, Miss Binkie; very pretty eyes,
+and a good foot and ankle."
+
+"An unexceptionable instep. What do you think!--I have actually
+discovered the Clique at last."
+
+"You don't say so! Do you think old Binkie has saved money?"
+
+"I am sure he has. I look upon Dreepdaily as pretty safe now; and I
+propose going over this afternoon to Drouthielaw. What would you
+recommend?"
+
+"I think you are quite right; but somebody should stay here to look
+after your interests. There is no depending upon these fellows. I'll
+tell you what--while you are at Drouthielaw I shall remain here, and
+occupy your quarters. The Committee will require some man of business to
+drill them in, and I don't care if I spare you the time."
+
+I highly applauded this generous resolution; at the same time I was not
+altogether blind to the motive. Bob, though an excellent fellow in the
+main, did not usually sacrifice himself to his friends, and I began to
+suspect that Maggie Binkie--with whom, by the way, he had some previous
+acquaintance--was somehow or other connected with his enthusiasm. As
+matters stood, I of course entertained no objection: on the contrary, I
+thought it no breach of confidence to repeat the history of the
+nest-egg.
+
+Bob pricked up his ears.
+
+"Indeed!" said he; "that is a fair figure as times go; and to judge from
+appearances, the stock in trade must be valuable."
+
+"Cargoes of sugar," said I, "oceans of rum, and no end whatever of
+molasses!"
+
+"A very creditable chairman, indeed, for your Committee, Dunshunner,"
+replied Bob. "Then I presume you agree that I should stay here, whilst
+you prosecute your canvass?"
+
+I assented, and we returned to the house. In the course of the forenoon
+the list of my Committee was published, and, to the great joy of the
+Provost, the names of Thomas Gill, Alexander M'Auslan, and Simon Shanks
+appeared. He could not, for the life of him, understand how they had all
+come forward so readily. A meeting of my friends was afterwards held, at
+which I delivered a short harangue upon the constitution of 1688, which
+seemed to give general satisfaction; and before I left the room, I had
+the pleasure of seeing the Committee organised, with Bob officiating as
+secretary. It was the opinion of every one that Pozzlethwaite had not a
+chance. I then partook of a light luncheon, and after bidding farewell
+to Miss Binkie, who, on the whole, seemed to take matters very coolly, I
+drove off for Drouthielaw. I need not relate my adventures in that
+respectable burgh. They were devoid of anything like interest, and not
+quite so satisfactory in their result as I could have wished. However,
+the name of Gills was known even at that distance, and his views had
+considerable weight with some of the religious denominations. So far as
+I was concerned, I had no sinecure of it. It cost me three nights' hard
+drinking to conciliate the leaders of the Anabaptists, and at least
+three more before the chiefs of the Antinomians would surrender. As to
+the Old Light gentry, I gave them up in despair, for I could not hope to
+have survived the consequences of so serious a conflict.
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+Parliament was at length dissolved; the new writs were issued, and the
+day of nomination fixed for the Dreepdaily burghs. For a time it
+appeared to myself, and indeed to almost every one else, that my return
+was perfectly secure. Provost Binkie was in great glory, and the faces
+of the unknown Clique were positively radiant with satisfaction. But a
+storm was brewing in another quarter, upon which we had not previously
+calculated.
+
+The Honourable Mr Pozzlethwaite, my opponent, had fixed his headquarters
+in Drouthielaw, and to all appearance was making very little progress in
+Dreepdaily. Indeed, in no sense of the word could Pozzlethwaite be said
+to be popular. He was a middle-aged man, as blind as a bat, and, in
+order to cure the defect, he ornamented his visage with an immense pair
+of green spectacles, which, it may be easily conceived, did not add to
+the beauty of his appearance. In speech he was slow and verbose, in
+manner awkward, in matter almost wholly unintelligible. He professed
+principles which he said were precisely the same as those advocated by
+the late Jeremy Bentham; and certainly, if he was correct in this, I do
+not regret that my parents omitted to bring me up at the feet of the
+utilitarian Gamaliel. In short, Paul was prosy to a degree, had not
+an atom of animation in his whole composition, and could no more have
+carried a crowd along with him than he could have supported Atlas upon
+his shoulders. A portion, however, of philosophic weavers, and a certain
+section of the Seceders, had declared in his favour; and, moreover,
+it was just possible that he might gain the suffrages of some of the
+Conservatives. Kittleweem, the Tory burgh, had hitherto preserved the
+appearance of strict neutrality. I had attempted to address the electors
+of that place, but I found that the hatred of Dreepdaily and of its
+Clique was more powerful than my eloquence; and, somehow or other, the
+benighted savages did not comprehend the merits of the Revolution
+Settlement of 1688, and were as violently national as the Celtic race
+before the invention of trews. Kittleweem had equipped half a regiment
+for Prince Charles in the Forty-five, and still piqued itself on its
+stanch Episcopacy. A Whig, therefore, could hardly expect to be popular
+in such a den of prejudice. By the advice of M'Corkindale, I abstained
+from any further efforts, which might possibly have tended to exasperate
+the electors, and left Kittleweem to itself, in the hope that it would
+maintain an armed neutrality.
+
+And so it probably might have done, but for an unexpected occurrence.
+Two days before the nomination, a new candidate appeared on the field.
+Sholto Douglas was the representative of one of the oldest branches of
+his distinguished name, and the race to which he more immediately
+belonged had ever been foremost in the ranks of Scottish chivalry and
+patriotism. In fact, no family had suffered more from their attachment
+to the cause of legitimacy than the Douglases of Inveriachan.
+Forfeiture after forfeiture had cut down their broad lands to a narrow
+estate, and but for an unexpected Indian legacy, the present heir would
+have been marching as a subaltern in a foot regiment. But a large
+importation of rupees had infused new life and spirit into the bosom of
+Sholto Douglas. Young, eager, and enthusiastic, he determined to rescue
+himself from obscurity; and the present state of the Dreepdaily burghs
+appeared to offer a most tempting opportunity. Douglas was, of course,
+Conservative to the backbone; but, more than that, he openly proclaimed
+himself a friend of the people, and a supporter of the rights of labour.
+
+"Confound the fellow!" said Bob M'Corkindale to me, the morning after
+Sholto's address had been placarded through the burghs, "who would have
+thought of an attack of this kind from such a quarter? Have you seen his
+manifesto, Dunshunner?"
+
+"Yes--here it is in the _Patriot_. The editor, however, gives him it
+soundly in the leading article. I like his dogmatic style and wholesale
+denunciation of the Tories."
+
+"I'll tell you what it is, though--I look upon this as anything but a
+joke. Douglas is evidently not a man to stand upon old aristocratic
+pretensions. He has got the right sow by the ear this time, and, had he
+started a little earlier, might have roused the national spirit to a
+very unpleasant pitch. You observe what he says about Scotland, the
+neglect of her local interests, and the manner in which she has been
+treated, with reference to Ireland?"
+
+"I do. And you will be pleased to recollect that but for yourself,
+something of the same kind would have appeared in my address."
+
+"If you mean that as a reproach, Dunshunner, you are wrong. How was it
+possible to have started you as a Whig upon patriotic principles?"
+
+"Well--that's true enough. At the same time, I cannot help wishing that
+we had said a word or two about the interests to the north of the
+Tweed."
+
+"What is done cannot be undone. We must now stick by the Revolution
+settlement."
+
+"Do you know, Bob, I think we have given them quite enough of that same
+settlement already. Those fellows at Kittleweem laughed in my face the
+last time that I talked about it, and I am rather afraid that it won't
+go down on the hustings."
+
+"Try the sanitary condition of the towns, then, and universal
+conciliation to Ireland," replied the Economist. "I have given orders to
+hire two hundred Paddies, who have come over for the harvest, at a
+shilling a-head, and of course you may depend upon their voices, and
+also their shillelahs, if needful. I think we should have a row. It
+would be a great matter to make Douglas unpopular; and, with a movement
+of my little finger, I could turn out a whole legion of navigators."
+
+"No, Bob, you had better not. It is just possible they might make a
+mistake, and shy brickbats at the wrong candidate. It will be safer, I
+think, to leave the mob to itself: at the same time, we shall not be the
+worse for the Tipperary demonstration. And how looks the canvass?"
+
+"Tolerably well, but not perfectly secure. The Clique has done its very
+best, but at the same time there is undeniably a growing feeling against
+it. Many people grumble about its dominion, and are fools enough to say
+that they have a right to think for themselves."
+
+"Could you not circulate a report that Pozzlethwaite is the man of the
+Clique?"
+
+"The idea is ingenious, but I fear it would hardly work. Dreepdaily is
+well known to be the headquarters of the confederation, and the name of
+Provost Binkie is inseparably connected with it."
+
+"By the way, M'Corkindale, it struck me that you looked rather sweet
+upon Miss Binkie last evening."
+
+"I did. In fact I popped the question," replied Robert calmly.
+
+"Indeed! Were you accepted?"
+
+"Conditionally. If we gain the election, she becomes Mrs
+M'Corkindale--if we lose, I suppose I shall have to return to Glasgow
+in a state of celibacy."
+
+"A curious contract, certainly! Well, Bob, since your success is
+involved in mine, we must fight a desperate battle."
+
+"I wish, though, that Mr Sholto Douglas had been kind enough to keep out
+of the way," observed M'Corkindale.
+
+The morning of the day appointed for the nomination dawned upon the
+people of Dreepdaily with more than usual splendour. For once, there was
+no mist upon the surrounding hills, and the sky was clear as sapphire. I
+rose early to study my speech, which had received the finishing touches
+from M'Corkindale on the evening before; and I flatter myself it was as
+pretty a piece of Whig rhetoric as ever was spouted from a hustings.
+Toddy Tam, indeed, had objected, upon seeing a draft, that "there was
+nae banes intil't;" but the political economist was considered by the
+Committee a superior authority on such subjects to Gills. After having
+carefully conned it over, I went down-stairs, where the whole party were
+already assembled. A large blue and yellow flag, with the inscription,
+"DUNSHUNNER AND THE GOOD CAUSE!" was hung out from the window, to the
+intense delight of a gang of urchins, who testified to the popularity of
+the candidate by ceaseless vociferation to "pour out." The wall
+opposite, however, bore some memoranda of an opposite tendency, for I
+could see some large placards, newly pasted up, on which the words,
+"ELECTORS OF DREEPDAILY! YOU ARE SOLD BY THE CLIQUE!" were conspicuous
+in enormous capitals. I heard, too, something like a ballad chanted, in
+which my name seemed to be coupled, irreverently, with that of the
+independent Gills.
+
+Provost Binkie--who, in common with the rest of the company, wore upon
+his bosom an enormous blue and buff cockade, prepared by the fair hands
+of his daughter--saluted me with great cordiality. I ought to observe
+that the Provost had been kept as much as possible in the dark regarding
+the actual results of the canvass. He was to propose me, and it was
+thought that his nerves would be more steady if he came forward under
+the positive conviction of success.
+
+"This is a great day, Mr Dunshunner--a grand day for Dreepdaily," he
+said. "A day, if I may sae speak, o' triumph and rejoicing! The news o'
+this will run frae one end o' the land to the ither--for the een o' a'
+Scotland is fixed on Dreepdaily, and the stench auld Whig principles is
+sure to prevail, even like a mighty river that rins down in spate to the
+sea!"
+
+I justly concluded that this figure of speech formed part of the address
+to the electors which for the two last days had been simmering in the
+brain of the worthy magistrate, along with the fumes of the potations
+he had imbibed, as incentives to the extraordinary effort. Of course I
+took care to appear to participate in his enthusiasm. My mind, however,
+was very far from being thoroughly at ease.
+
+As twelve o'clock, which was the hour of nomination, drew near, there
+was a great muster at my committee-room. The band of the Independent
+Tee-totallers, who to a man were in my interest, was in attendance. They
+had been well primed with ginger cordial, and were obstreperous to a
+gratifying degree.
+
+Toddy Tam came up to me with a face of the colour of carnation.
+
+"I think it richt to tell ye, Mr Dunshunner, that there will be a bit o'
+a bleeze ower yonder at the hustings. The Kittleweem folk hae come
+through in squads, and Lord Hartside's tenantry have marched in a body,
+wi' Sholto Douglas's colours flying."
+
+"And the Drouthielaw fellows--what has become of them?"
+
+"Od, they're no wi' us either--they're just savage at the Clique!
+Gudesake, Mr Dunshunner, tak care, and dinna say a word aboot huz. I
+intend mysell to denounce the body, and may be that will do us gude."
+
+I highly approved of Mr Gills' determination, and as the time had now
+come, we formed in column, and marched towards the hustings with the
+tee-total band in front, playing a very lugubrious imitation of
+"Glorious Apollo."
+
+The other candidates had already taken their places. The moment I was
+visible to the audience, I was assailed by a volley of yells, among
+which, cries of "Doun wi' the Clique!"--"Wha bought them?"--"Nae
+nominee!"--"We've had eneuch o' the Whigs!" et cetera, were distinctly
+audible. This was not at all the kind of reception I had bargained
+for;--however, there was nothing for it but to put on a smiling face,
+and I reciprocated courtesies as well as I could with both of my
+honourable opponents.
+
+During the reading of the writ and the Bribery Act, there was a deal of
+joking, which I presume was intended to be good-humoured. At the same
+time there could be no doubt that it was distinctly personal. I heard my
+name associated with epithets of anything but an endearing description,
+and, to say the truth, if choice had been granted, I would far rather
+have been at Jericho than in the front of the hustings at Dreepdaily. A
+man must be, indeed, intrepid, and conscious of a good cause, who can
+oppose himself without blenching to the objurgation of an excited mob.
+
+The Honourable Paul Pozzlethwaite, on account of his having been the
+earliest candidate in the field, was first proposed by a town-councillor
+of Drouthielaw. This part of the ceremony appeared to excite but little
+interest, the hooting and cheering being pretty equally distributed.
+
+It was now our turn.
+
+"Gang forrard, Provost, and be sure ye speak oot!" said Toddy Tam; and
+Mr Binkie advanced accordingly.
+
+Thereupon such a row commenced as I never had witnessed before. Yelling
+is a faint word to express the sounds of that storm of extraordinary
+wrath which descended upon the head of the devoted Provost. "Clique!
+Clique!" resounded on every side, and myriads of eyes, ferocious as
+those of the wildcat, were bent scowlingly on my worthy proposer. In
+vain did he gesticulate--in vain implore. The voice of Demosthenes--nay,
+the deep bass of Stentor himself--could not have been heard amidst that
+infernal uproar; so that, after working his arms for a time like the
+limbs of a telegraph, and exerting himself until he became absolutely
+swart in the face, Binkie was fain to give it up, and retired amidst a
+whirlwind of abuse.
+
+"May the deil fly awa' wi' the hail pack o' them!" said he, almost
+blubbering with excitement and indignation. "Wha wad ever hae thocht to
+have seen the like o' this? and huz, too, that gied them the Reform
+Bill! Try your hand at them, Tam, for my heart's amaist broken!"
+
+The bluff independent character of Mr Gills, and his reputed purity
+from all taint of the Clique, operated considerably in his favour. He
+advanced amidst general cheering, and cries of "Noo for Toddy Tam!"
+"Let's hear Mr Gills!" and the like; and as he tossed his hat aside and
+clenched his brawny fist, he really looked the incarnation of a sturdy
+and independent elector. His style, too, was decidedly popular--
+
+"Listen tae me!" he said, "and let the brawlin', braggin', bletherin'
+idiwits frae Drouthielaw haud their lang clavering tongues, and no keep
+rowtin' like a herd o' senseless nowte! (Great cheering from Dreepdaily
+and Kittleweem--considerable disapprobation from Drouthielaw.) I ken
+them weel, the auld haverils! (cheers.) But you, my freends, that I have
+dwalt wi' for twenty years, is it possible that ye can believe for one
+moment that I wad submit to be dictated to by a Clique? (Cries of "No!
+no!" "It's no you, Tam!" and confusion.) No me? I dinna thank ye for
+that! Wull ony man daur to say to my face, that I ever colleagued wi' a
+pack that wad buy and sell the haill of us as readily as ye can deal wi'
+sheep's-heads in the public market? (Laughter.) Div ye think that if Mr
+Dunshunner was ony way mixed up wi' that gang, I wad be here this day
+tae second him? Div ye think----"
+
+Here Mr Gills met with a singular interruption. A remarkable figure
+attired in a red coat and cocked-hat, at one time probably the property
+of a civic officer, and who had been observed for some time bobbing
+about in front of the hustings, was now elevated upon the shoulders of a
+yeoman, and displayed to the delighted spectators the features of
+Geordie Dowie.
+
+"Ay, Toddy Tam, are ye there, man?" cried Geordie with a malignant grin.
+"What was you and the Clique doin' at Nanse Finlayson's on Friday
+nicht?"
+
+"What was it, Geordie? What was it?" cried a hundred voices.
+
+"Am I to be interrupted by a natural?" cried Gills, looking, however,
+considerably flushed in the face.
+
+"What hae ye dune wi' the notes, Tam, that the lang chield up by there
+gied ye? And whaur's your freends, Shanks and M'Auslan? See that ye
+steek close the window neist time, ma man!" cried Geordie with demoniac
+ferocity.
+
+This was quite enough for the mob, who seldom require any excuse for a
+display of their hereditary privileges. A perfect hurricane of hissing
+and of yelling arose, and Gills, though he fought like a hero, was at
+last forced to retire from the contest. Had Geordie Dowie's windpipe
+been within his grasp at that moment, I would not have insured for any
+amount the life of the perfidious spy.
+
+Sholto Douglas was proposed and seconded amidst great cheering, and
+then Pozzlethwaite rose to speak. I do not very well recollect what he
+said, for I had quite enough to do in thinking about myself; and the
+Honourable Paul would have conferred a material obligation upon me, if
+he had talked for an hour longer. At length my turn came.
+
+"Electors of Dreepdaily!"--
+
+That was the whole of my speech--at least the whole of it that was
+audible to any one human being. Humboldt, if I recollect right, talks in
+one of his travels of having somewhere encountered a mountain composed
+of millions of entangled snakes, whose hissing might have equalled that
+of the transformed legions of Pandemonium. I wish Humboldt, for the sake
+of scientific comparison, could have been upon the hustings that day!
+Certain I am, that the sibilation did not leave my ears for a fortnight
+afterwards, and even now, in my slumbers, I am haunted by a wilderness
+of asps! However, at the urgent entreaty of M'Corkindale, I went on for
+about ten minutes, though I was quivering in every limb, and as pale as
+a ghost; and in order that the public might not lose the benefit of my
+sentiments, I concluded by handing a copy of my speech, interlarded with
+fictitious cheers, to the reporter for the _Dreepdaily Patriot_. That
+document may still be seen by the curious in the columns of that
+impartial newspaper.
+
+I will state this for Sholto Douglas, that he behaved like a perfect
+gentleman. There was in his speech no triumph over the discomfiture
+which the other candidates had received; on the contrary, he rather
+rebuked the audience for not having listened to us with greater
+patience. He then went on with his oration. I need hardly say it was a
+national one, and it was most enthusiastically cheered.
+
+All that I need mention about the show of hands is, that it was not by
+any means hollow in my favour.
+
+That afternoon we were not quite so lively in the Committee-room as
+usual. The serenity of Messrs Gills, M'Auslan, and Shanks,--and,
+perhaps, I may add of myself--was a good deal shaken by the intelligence
+that a broadside with the tempting title of "_Full and Particular
+Account of an Interview between the Clique and Mr Dunshunner, held at
+Nanse Finlayson's Tavern, on Friday last, and how they came to terms. By
+an Eyewitness_," was circulating like wildfire through the streets. To
+have been beaten by a Douglas was nothing, but to have been so artfully
+entrapped by an imbecile!
+
+Provost Binkie, too, was dull and dissatisfied. The reception he had met
+with in his native town was no doubt a severe mortification, but the
+feeling that he had been used as a catspaw and instrument of the Clique,
+was, I suspected, uppermost in his mind. Poor man! We had great
+difficulty that evening in bringing him to his sixth tumbler.
+
+Even M'Corkindale was hipped. I own I was surprised at this, for I knew
+of old the indefatigable spirit and keen energy of my friend, and I
+thought that, with such a stake as he had in the contest, he would even
+have redoubled his exertions. Such, however, was not the case.
+
+I pass over the proceedings at the poll. From a very early hour it
+became perfectly evident that my chance was utterly gone; and, indeed,
+had it been possible, I should have left Dreepdaily before the close. At
+four o'clock the numbers stood thus:--
+
+                       DREEPDAILY.   DROUTHIELAW.  KITTLEWEEM.
+
+ DOUGLAS,                  94             63          192
+
+ POZZLETHWAITE,            59             73           21
+
+ DUNSHUNNER,               72             19            7
+
+         Majority for DOUGLAS,                   196
+
+We had an affecting scene in the Committee-room. Gills, who had been
+drinking all day, shed copious floods of tears; Shanks was disconsolate;
+and M'Auslan refused to be comforted. Of course I gave the usual pledge,
+that on the very first opportunity I should come forward again to
+reassert the independence of the burghs, now infamously sacrificed to a
+Conservative; but the cheering at this announcement was of the very
+faintest description, and I doubt whether any one believed me. Two hours
+afterwards I was miles away from Dreepdaily.
+
+I have since had letters from that place, which inform me that the
+Clique is utterly discomfited; that for some days the component members
+of it might be seen wandering through the streets, and pouring their
+husky sorrows into the ears of every stray listener whom they could
+find, until they became a positive nuisance. My best champion, however,
+was the editor of the _Patriot_. That noble and dauntless individual
+continued for weeks afterwards to pour forth Jeremiads upon my defeat,
+and stigmatised my opponents and their supporters as knaves, miscreants,
+and nincompoops. I was, he maintained, the victim of a base conspiracy,
+and the degraded town of Dreepdaily would never be able thereafter to
+rear its polluted head in the Convention of Royal Burghs.
+
+Whilst these things were going on in Dreepdaily, I was closeted with
+M'Corkindale in Glasgow.
+
+"So, then, you have lost your election," said he.
+
+"And you have lost your wife."
+
+"Neither of the two accidents appear to me irreparable," replied Robert.
+
+"How so? Do you still think of Miss Binkie?"
+
+"By no means. I made some little inquiry the day before the election,
+and discovered that a certain nest-egg was enormously exaggerated, if
+not altogether fictitious."
+
+"Well, Bob, there is certainly nobody like yourself for getting
+information."
+
+"I do my best. May I inquire into the nature of your future movements?"
+
+"I have not yet made up my mind. These election matters put everything
+else out of one's head. Let me see--August is approaching, and I half
+promised the Captain of M'Alcohol to spend a few weeks with him at his
+shooting-quarters."
+
+"Are you aware, Dunshunner, that one of your bills falls due at the
+Gorbals Bank upon Tuesday next?"
+
+"Mercy upon me, Bob! I had forgotten all about it."
+
+I did not go to the Highlands after all. The fatigue and exertion we had
+undergone rendered it quite indispensable that my friend Robert and I
+should relax a little. Accordingly we have both embarked for a short run
+upon the Continent.
+
+     BOULOGNE-SUR-MER,
+        _12th August 1847_.
+
+
+
+
+FIRST AND LAST
+
+BY WILLIAM MUDFORD.
+
+[_MAGA._ FEBRUARY 1829.]
+
+
+Take down from your shelves, gentle reader, your folio edition of
+Johnson's Dictionary,--or, if you possess Todd's edition of Johnson,
+take down his four ponderous quartos; turn over every leaf, read every
+word from A to Z, and then confess, that in the whole vocabulary there
+are not any two words which awaken in your heart such a crowd of mixed
+and directly opposite emotions as the two which now stare you in the
+face--FIRST and LAST! In the abstract, they embrace the whole round of
+our existence: in the detail, all its brightest hopes, its noblest
+enjoyments, and its most cherished recollections; all its loftiest
+enterprises, and all its smiles and tears; its pangs of guilt, its
+virtuous principles, its trials, its sorrows, and its rewards. They give
+you the dawn and the close of life, the beginning and the end of its
+countless busy scenes. They are the two extremities of a path which, be
+it long, or be it short, no man sees at one and the same moment. Happy
+would it be for us, sometimes, if we could--if we _could_ behold the end
+of a course of action as certainly as we do the beginning; but oftener,
+far oftener, would it be our curse and torment, unless, with the
+foresight or foreknowledge, we had the power to avert the end.
+
+But let me not anticipate my own intentions, which are to portray, in a
+few sketches, the links that hold together the _first_ and _last_ of the
+most momentous periods and undertakings of our lives; to trace the dawn,
+progress, and decline of many of the best feelings and motives of our
+nature; to touch, with a pensive colouring, the contrasts they present;
+to stimulate honourable enterprises by the examples they furnish; and to
+amuse by the form in which the truths they supply are embodied. I shall
+begin with a subject not exactly falling within the legitimate scope of
+my design, but it will serve as an appropriate introduction, and I shall
+call it
+
+THE FIRST AND LAST DINNER.
+
+Twelve friends, much about the same age, and fixed by their pursuits,
+their family connections, and other local interests, as permanent
+inhabitants of the metropolis, agreed, one day when they were drinking
+their wine at the Star and Garter at Richmond, to institute an annual
+dinner among themselves, under the following regulations: That they
+should dine alternately at each other's houses on the _first_ and _last_
+day of the year; that the _first_ bottle of wine uncorked at the _first_
+dinner, should be recorked and put away, to be drunk by him who should
+be the _last_ of their number; that they should never admit a new
+member; that, when one died, eleven should meet, and when another died,
+ten should meet, and so on; and that, when only one remained, he should,
+on those two days, dine by himself, and sit the usual hours at his
+solitary table; but the _first_ time he so dined alone, lest it should
+be the only one, he should then uncork the _first_ bottle, and, in the
+_first_ glass, drink to the memory of all who were gone.
+
+There was something original and whimsical in the idea, and it was
+eagerly embraced. They were all in the prime of life, closely attached
+by reciprocal friendship, fond of social enjoyments, and looked forward
+to their future meetings with unalloyed anticipations of pleasure. The
+only thought, indeed, that could have darkened those anticipations was
+one not very likely to intrude itself at that moment, that of the
+hapless wight who was destined to uncork the _first_ bottle at his
+lonely repast.
+
+It was high summer when this frolic compact was entered into; and as
+their pleasure-yacht skimmed along the dark bosom of the Thames, on
+their return to London, they talked of nothing but their _first_ and
+_last_ feasts of ensuing years. Their imaginations ran riot with
+a thousand gay predictions of festive merriment. They wantoned in
+conjectures of what changes time would operate; joked each other upon
+their appearance, when they should meet,--some hobbling upon crutches
+after a severe fit of the gout,--others poking about with purblind
+eyes, which even spectacles could hardly enable to distinguish the
+alderman's walk in a haunch of venison--some with portly round bellies
+and tidy little brown wigs, and others decently dressed out in a
+new suit of mourning for the death of a great-granddaughter or a
+great-great-grandson. Palsies, wrinkles, toothless gums, stiff hams,
+and poker knees, were bandied about in sallies of exuberant mirth, and
+appropriated, first to one and then to another, as a group of merry
+children would have distributed golden palaces, flying chariots, diamond
+tables, and chairs of solid pearl, under the fancied possession of a
+magician's wand, which could transform plain brick, and timber, and
+humble mahogany, into such costly treasures.
+
+"As for you, George," exclaimed one of the twelve, addressing his
+brother-in-law, "I expect I shall see you as dry, withered, and
+shrunken, as an old eel-skin, you mere outside of a man!" and he
+accompanied the words with a hearty slap on the shoulder.
+
+George Fortescue was leaning carelessly over the side of the yacht,
+laughing the loudest of any at the conversation which had been carried
+on. The sudden manual salutation of his brother-in-law threw him off his
+balance, and in a moment he was overboard. They heard the heavy splash
+of his fall, before they could be said to have seen him fall. The yacht
+was proceeding swiftly along; but it was instantly stopped.
+
+The utmost consternation now prevailed. It was nearly dark, but
+Fortescue was known to be an excellent swimmer, and, startling as the
+accident was, they felt certain he would regain the vessel. They could
+not see him. They listened. They heard the sound of his hands and feet.
+They hailed him. An answer was returned, but in a faint gurgling voice,
+and the exclamation "Oh God!" struck upon their ears. In an instant two
+or three, who were expert swimmers, plunged into the river, and swam
+towards the spot whence the exclamation had proceeded. One of them was
+within an arm's length of Fortescue: he saw him; he was struggling and
+buffeting the water; before he could be reached, he went down, and his
+distracted friend beheld the eddying circles of the wave just over the
+spot where he had sunk. He dived after him, and touched the bottom; but
+the tide must have drifted the body onwards, for it could not be found!
+
+They proceeded to one of the nearest stations where drags were kept,
+and having procured the necessary apparatus, they returned to the fatal
+spot. After the lapse of above an hour, they succeeded in raising the
+lifeless body of their lost friend. All the usual remedies were employed
+for restoring suspended animation; but in vain; and they now pursued the
+remainder of their course to London in mournful silence, with the corpse
+of him who had commenced the day of pleasure with them in the fulness of
+health, of spirits, and of life! Amid their severer grief, they could
+not but reflect how soon one of the joyous twelve had slipped out of the
+little festive circle.
+
+The months rolled on, and cold December came with all its cheering round
+of kindly greetings and merry hospitalities; and with it came a softened
+recollection of the fate of poor Fortescue; _eleven_ of the twelve
+assembled on the last day of the year, and it was impossible not to feel
+their loss as they sat down to dinner. The very irregularity of the
+table, five on one side, and only four on the other, forced the
+melancholy event upon their memory.
+
+There are few sorrows so stubborn as to resist the united influence of
+wine, a circle of select friends, and a season of prescriptive gaiety.
+Even those pinching troubles of life, which come home to a man's
+own bosom, will light up a smile, in such moments, at the beaming
+countenances and jocund looks of all the rest of the world; while
+your mere sympathetic or sentimental distress gives way, like the
+inconsolable affliction of a widow of twenty closely besieged by a lover
+of thirty.
+
+A decorous sigh or two, a few becoming ejaculations, and an instructive
+observation upon the uncertainty of life, made up the sum of tender
+posthumous "offerings to the _manes_ of poor George Fortescue," as
+they proceeded to discharge the more important duties for which they
+had met. By the time the third glass of champagne had gone round, in
+addition to sundry potations of fine old hock, and "capital madeira,"
+they had ceased to discover anything so very pathetic in the inequality
+of the two sides of the table, or so melancholy in their crippled number
+of eleven.
+
+The rest of the evening passed off to their hearts' content.
+Conversation was briskly kept up amid the usual fire of pun, repartee,
+anecdote, politics, toasts, healths, jokes, broad laughter, erudite
+disquisitions upon the vintage of the wines they were drinking, and an
+occasional song. Towards twelve o'clock, when it might be observed that
+they emptied their glasses with less symptoms of palating the quality of
+what they quaffed, and filled them again with less anxiety as to which
+bottle or decanter they laid hold of, they gradually waxed moral and
+tender; sensibility began to ooze out; "Poor George Fortescue!" was once
+more remembered; those who could count, sighed to think there were only
+eleven of them; and those who could see, felt the tears come into their
+eyes, as they dimly noted the inequality of the two sides of the table.
+They all agreed, at parting, however, that they had never passed such a
+happy day, congratulated each other upon having instituted so delightful
+a meeting, and promised to be punctual to their appointment the ensuing
+evening, when they were to celebrate the new-year, whose entrance they
+had welcomed in bumpers of claret, as the watchman bawled "past twelve!"
+beneath the window.
+
+They met accordingly; and their gaiety was without any alloy or
+drawback. It was only the _first_ time of their assembling after the
+death of "poor George Fortescue," that made the recollection of it
+painful; for, though but a few hours had intervened, they now took their
+seats at the table as if eleven had been their original number, and as
+if all were there that had been ever expected to be there.
+
+It is thus in everything. The _first_ time a man enters a prison--the
+_first_ book an author writes--the _first_ painting an artist
+executes--the _first_ battle a general wins--nay, the _first_ time
+a rogue is hanged (for a rotten rope may provide a second performance,
+even of that ceremony, with all its singleness of character), differ
+inconceivably from their _first_ repetition. There is a charm, a spell,
+a novelty, a freshness, a delight, inseparable from the _first_
+experience (hanging always excepted, be it remembered), which no art or
+circumstance can impart to the _second_. And it is the same in all the
+darker traits of life. There is a degree of poignancy and anguish in the
+_first_ assaults of sorrow, which is never found afterwards. Ask the
+weeping widow, who, "like Niobe all tears," follows her fifth husband to
+the grave, and she will tell you that the _first_ time she performed
+that melancholy office, it was with at least five times more
+lamentations than when she last discharged it. In every case, it is
+simply that the _first_ fine edge of our feelings has been taken off,
+and that it can never be restored.
+
+Several years had elapsed, and our eleven friends kept up their double
+anniversaries, as they might aptly enough be called, with scarcely any
+perceptible change. But, alas! there came one dinner at last, which was
+darkened by a calamity they never expected to witness, for on that very
+day their friend, companion, brother almost, was hanged! Yes! Stephen
+Rowland, the wit, the oracle, the life of their little circle, had, on
+the morning of that day, forfeited his life upon a public scaffold, for
+having made one single stroke of his pen in a wrong place. In other
+words, a bill of exchange which passed _into_ his hands for L700 passed
+_out_ of them for L1700; he having drawn the important little prefix to
+the hundreds, and the bill being paid at the banker's without examining
+the words of it. The forgery was discovered,--brought home to
+Rowland,--and though the greatest interest was used to obtain a
+remission of the fatal penalty (the particular female favourite of the
+prime-minister himself interfering), poor Stephen Rowland was hanged.
+Everybody pitied him; and nobody could tell why he did it. He was not
+poor; he was not a gambler; he was not a speculator; but phrenology
+settled it. The organ of _acquisitiveness_ was discovered in his head,
+after his execution, as large as a pigeon's egg. He could not help it.
+
+It would be injustice to the ten to say, that even wine, friendship, and
+a merry season, could dispel the gloom which pervaded this dinner. It
+was agreed beforehand that they should not allude to the distressing and
+melancholy theme; and having thus interdicted the only thing which
+really occupied all their thoughts, the natural consequence was, that
+silent contemplation took the place of dismal discourse, and they
+separated long before midnight. An embarrassing restraint, indeed,
+pervaded the little conversation which grew up at intervals. The
+champagne was not in good order, but no one liked to complain of its
+being _ropy_. A beautiful painting of Vandyke which was in the room,
+became a topic of discussion. They who thought it was _hung_ in a bad
+place, shrunk from saying so; and not one ventured to speak of the
+_execution_ of that great master. Their host was having the front of
+his house repaired, and at any other time he would have cautioned them,
+when they went away, as the night was very dark, to take care of the
+_scaffold_; but no, they might have stumbled right and left before he
+would have pronounced that word, or told them not to _break their
+necks_. One, in particular, even abstained from using his customary
+phrase, "this is a _drop_ of good wine;" and another forbore to
+congratulate the friend who sat next him, and who had been married since
+he last saw him, because he was accustomed on such occasions to employ
+figurative language and talk of the holy _noose_ of wedlock.
+
+Some fifteen years had now glided away since the fate of poor Rowland,
+and the ten remained; but the stealing hand of time had written sundry
+changes in most legible characters. Raven locks had become grizzled--two
+or three heads had not as many locks altogether as may be reckoned in a
+walk of half a mile along the Regent's Canal--one was actually covered
+with a brown wig--the crow's-feet were visible in the corner of the
+eye--good old port and warm madeira carried it against hock, claret,
+red burgundy, and champagne--stews, hashes, and ragouts, grew into
+favour--crusts were rarely called for to relish the cheese after
+dinner--conversation was less boisterous, and it turned chiefly
+upon politics and the state of the funds, or the value of landed
+property--apologies were made for coming in thick shoes and warm
+stockings--the doors and windows were more carefully provided with list
+and sand-bags--the fire more in request--and a quiet game of whist
+filled up the hours that were wont to be devoted to drinking, singing,
+and riotous merriment. Two rubbers, a cup of coffee, and at home by
+eleven o'clock, was the usual cry, when the fifth or sixth glass had
+gone round after the removal of the cloth. At parting, too, there was
+now a long ceremony in the hall, buttoning up great-coats, tying on
+woollen comforters, fixing silk handkerchiefs over the mouth and up to
+the ears, and grasping sturdy walking-canes to support unsteady feet.
+
+Their fiftieth anniversary came, and death had indeed been busy. One had
+been killed by the overturning of the mail, in which he had taken his
+place in order to be present at the dinner, having purchased an estate
+in Monmouthshire, and retired thither with his family. Another had
+undergone the terrific operation for the stone, and expired beneath the
+knife--a third had yielded up a broken spirit two years after the loss
+of an only-surviving and beloved daughter--a fourth was carried off in a
+few days by a _cholera morbus_--a fifth had breathed his last the very
+morning he obtained a judgment in his favour by the Lord Chancellor,
+which had cost him his last shilling nearly to get, and which, after a
+litigation of eighteen years, declared him the rightful possessor of
+ten thousand a-year--ten minutes after he was no more. A sixth had
+perished by the hand of a midnight assassin, who broke into his house
+for plunder, and sacrificed the owner of it, as he grasped convulsively
+a bundle of Exchequer bills, which the robber was drawing from beneath
+his pillow, where he knew they were every night placed for better
+security.
+
+Four little old men, of withered appearance and decrepit walk, with
+cracked voices, and dim, rayless eyes, sat down, by the mercy of Heaven
+(as they themselves tremulously declared), to celebrate, for the
+fiftieth time, the first day of the year--to observe the frolic compact
+which, half a century before, they had entered into at the Star and
+Garter at Richmond! Eight were in their graves! The four that remained
+stood upon its confines. Yet they chirped cheerily over their glass,
+though they could scarcely carry it to their lips, if more than half
+full; and cracked their jokes, though they articulated their words with
+difficulty, and heard each other with still greater difficulty. They
+mumbled, they chattered, they laughed (if a sort of strangled wheezing
+might be called a laugh); and when the wines sent their icy blood in
+warmer pulse through their veins, they talked of their past as if it
+were but a yesterday that had slipped by them,--and of their future, as
+if it were a busy century that lay before them.
+
+They were just the number for a quiet rubber of whist; and for three
+successive years they sat down to one. The fourth came, and then their
+rubber was played with an open dummy; a fifth, and whist was no longer
+practicable; _two_ could play only at cribbage, and cribbage was the
+game. But it was little more than the mockery of play. Their palsied
+hands could hardly hold, or their fading sight distinguish, the cards,
+while their torpid faculties made them doze between each deal.
+
+At length came the LAST dinner; and the survivor of the twelve, upon
+whose head fourscore and ten winters had showered their snow, ate his
+solitary meal. It so chanced that it was in his house, and at his table,
+they had celebrated the first. In his cellar, too, had remained, for
+eight-and-fifty years, the bottle they had then uncorked, recorked, and
+which he was that day to uncork again. It stood beside him. With a
+feeble and reluctant grasp he took the "frail memorial" of a youthful
+vow; and for a moment memory was faithful to her office. She threw open
+the long vista of buried years; and his heart travelled through them
+all;--their lusty and blithesome spring--their bright and fervid
+summer--their ripe and temperate autumn--their chill, but not too frozen
+winter. He saw, as in a mirror, how, one by one, the laughing companions
+of that merry hour at Richmond, had dropped into eternity. He felt all
+the loneliness of his condition (for he had eschewed marriage, and in
+the veins of no living creature ran a drop of blood whose source was in
+his own); and as he drained the glass which he had filled, "to the
+memory of those who were gone," the tears slowly trickled down the deep
+furrows of his aged face.
+
+He had thus fulfilled one part of his vow, and he prepared himself to
+discharge the other, by sitting the usual number of hours at his
+desolate table. With a heavy heart he resigned himself to the gloom of
+his own thoughts--a lethargic sleep stole over him--his head fell upon
+his bosom--confused images crowded into his mind--he babbled to
+himself--was silent--and when his servant entered the room, alarmed by a
+noise which he heard, he found his master stretched upon the carpet at
+the foot of the easy-chair, out of which he had slipped in an apoplectic
+fit. He never spoke again, nor once opened his eyes, though the vital
+spark was not extinct till the following day. And this was the LAST
+DINNER.
+
+
+
+
+THE DUKE'S DILEMMA.
+
+A CHRONICLE OF NIESENSTEIN.
+
+[_MAGA._ SEPTEMBER 1853.]
+
+
+The close of the theatrical year, which in France occurs in early
+spring, annually brings to Paris a throng of actors and actresses, the
+disorganised elements of provincial companies, who repair to the capital
+to contract engagements for the new season. Paris is the grand centre to
+which all dramatic stars converge--the great bazaar where managers
+recruit their troops for the summer campaign. In bad weather the mart
+for this human merchandise is at an obscure coffee-house near the Rue St
+Honore; when the sun shines, the place of meeting is in the garden of
+the Palais Royal. There, pacing to and fro beneath the lime-trees, the
+high contracting parties pursue their negotiations and make their
+bargains. It is the theatrical Exchange, the histrionic _Bourse_. There
+the conversation and the company are alike curious. Many are the strange
+discussions and original anecdotes that there are heard; many the odd
+figures there paraded. Tragedians, comedians, singers, men and women,
+young and old, flock thither in quest of fortune and a good engagement.
+The threadbare coats of some say little in favour of recent success or
+present prosperity; but only hear them speak, and you are at once
+convinced that _they_ have no need of broadcloth who are so amply
+covered with laurels. It is delightful to hear them talk of their
+triumphs, of the storms of applause, the rapturous bravos, the boundless
+enthusiasm, of the audiences they lately delighted. Their brows are
+oppressed with the weight of their bays. The south mourns their loss; if
+they go west, the north will be envious and inconsolable. As to
+themselves--north, south, east, or west--they care little to which point
+of the compass the breeze of their destiny may waft them. Thorough
+gypsies in their habits, accustomed to make the best of the passing
+hour, and to take small care for the future so long as the present is
+provided for, like soldiers they heed not the name of the town so long
+as the quarters be good.
+
+It was a fine morning in April. The sun shone brightly, and, amongst the
+numerous loungers in the garden of the Palais Royal were several groups
+of actors. The season was already far advanced; all the companies were
+formed, and those players who had not secured an engagement had but a
+poor chance of finding one. Their anxiety was legible upon their
+countenances. A man of about fifty years of age walked to and fro, a
+newspaper in his hand, and to him, when he passed near them, the actors
+bowed--respectfully and hopefully. A quick glance was his acknowledgment
+of their salutation, and then his eyes reverted to his paper, as if it
+deeply interested him. When he was out of hearing, the actors, who had
+assumed their most picturesque attitudes to attract his attention, and
+who beheld their labour lost, vented their ill-humour.
+
+"Balthasar is mighty proud," said one; "he has not a word to say to us."
+
+"Perhaps he does not want anybody," remarked another; "I think he has no
+theatre this year."
+
+"That would be odd. They say he is a clever manager."
+
+"He may best prove his cleverness by keeping aloof. It is so difficult
+nowadays to do good in the provinces. The public is so fastidious! the
+authorities are so shabby, so unwilling to put their hands in their
+pockets. Ah, my dear fellow, our art is sadly fallen!"
+
+Whilst the discontented actors bemoaned themselves, Balthasar eagerly
+accosted a young man who just then entered the garden by the passage of
+the Perron. The coffehouse-keepers had already begun to put out tables
+under the tender foliage. The two men sat down at one of them.
+
+"Well, Florival," said the manager, "does my offer suit you? Will you
+make one of us? I was glad to hear you had broken off with Ricardin.
+With your qualifications you ought to have an engagement in Paris, or at
+least at a first-rate provincial theatre. But you are young, and, as you
+know, managers prefer actors of greater experience and established
+reputation. Your parts are generally taken by youths of five-and-forty,
+with wrinkles and grey hairs, but well versed in the traditions of the
+stage--with damaged voices but an excellent style. My brother managers
+are greedy of great names; yours still has to become known--as yet, you
+have but your talent to recommend you. I will content myself with that;
+content yourself with what I offer you. Times are bad, the season is
+advanced, engagements are hard to find. Many of your comrades have gone
+to try their luck beyond seas. We have not so far to go; we shall
+scarcely overstep the boundary of our ungrateful country. Germany
+invites us; it is a pleasant land, and Rhine wine is not to be
+disdained. I will tell you how the thing came about. For many years past
+I have managed theatres in the eastern departments, in Alsatia and
+Lorraine. Last summer, having a little leisure, I made an excursion to
+Baden-Baden. As usual, it was crowded with fashionables. One rubbed
+shoulders with princes and trod upon highnesses' toes; one could not
+walk twenty yards without meeting a sovereign. All these crowned heads,
+kings, grand-dukes, electors, mingled easily and affably with the
+throng of visitors. Etiquette is banished from the baths of Baden,
+where, without laying aside their titles, great personages enjoy the
+liberty and advantages of an incognito. At the time of my visit, a
+company of very indifferent German actors were playing, two or three
+times a-week, in the little theatre. They played to empty benches, and
+must have starved but for the assistance afforded them by the directors
+of the gambling-tables. I often went to their performances, and, amongst
+the scanty spectators, I soon remarked one who was as assiduous as
+myself. A gentleman, very plainly dressed, but of agreeable countenance
+and aristocratic appearance, invariably occupied the same stall, and
+seemed to enjoy the performance, which proved that he was easily
+pleased. One night he addressed to me some remark with respect to the
+play then acting; we got into conversation on the subject of dramatic
+art; he saw that I was specially competent on that topic, and after the
+theatre he asked me to take refreshment with him. I accepted. At
+midnight we parted, and, as I was going home, I met a gambler whom I
+slightly knew. 'I congratulate you,' he said; 'you have friends in high
+places!' He alluded to the gentleman with whom I had passed the evening,
+and who I now learned was no less a personage than his Serene Highness
+Prince Leopold, sovereign ruler of the Grand Duchy of Niesenstein. I
+had had the honour of passing a whole evening in familiar intercourse
+with a crowned head. Next day, walking in the park, I met his highness.
+I made a low bow and kept at a respectful distance, but the Grand Duke
+came up to me and asked me to walk with him. Before accepting, I thought
+it right to inform him who I was. 'I guessed as much,' said the Prince.
+'From one or two things that last night escaped you, I made no doubt you
+were a theatrical manager.' And by a gesture he renewed his invitation
+to accompany him. In a long conversation he informed me of his intention
+to establish a French theatre in his capital, for the performance of
+comedy, drama, vaudeville, and comic operas. He was then building a
+large theatre, which would be ready by the end of the winter, and he
+offered me its management on very advantageous terms. I had no plans in
+France for the present year, and the offer was too good to be refused.
+The Grand Duke guaranteed my expenses and a gratuity, and there was a
+chance of very large profits. I hesitated not a moment; we exchanged
+promises, and the affair was concluded.
+
+"According to our agreement, I am to be at Karlstadt, the capital of the
+Grand Duchy of Niesenstein, in the first week in May. There is no time
+to lose. My company is almost complete, but there are still some
+important gaps to fill. Amongst others, I want a lover, a light
+comedian, and a first singer. I reckon upon you to fill these important
+posts."
+
+"I am quite willing," replied the actor, "but there is still an
+obstacle. You must know, my dear Balthasar, that I am deeply in
+love--seriously, this time--and I broke off with Ricardin solely because
+he would not engage her to whom I am attached."
+
+"Oho! she is an actress?"
+
+"Two years upon the stage; a lovely girl, full of grace and talent, and
+with a charming voice. The Opera Comique has not a singer to compare
+with her."
+
+"And she is disengaged?"
+
+"Yes, my dear fellow; strange though it seems, and by a combination of
+circumstances which it were tedious to detail, the fascinating Delia is
+still without an engagement. And I give you notice that henceforward I
+attach myself to her steps: where she goes, I go; I will perform upon no
+boards which she does not tread. I am determined to win her heart, and
+make her my wife."
+
+"Very good!" cried Balthasar, rising from his seat; "tell me the address
+of this prodigy: I run, I fly, I make every sacrifice; and we will start
+to-morrow."
+
+People were quite right in saying that Balthasar was a clever manager.
+None better knew how to deal with actors, often capricious and difficult
+to guide. He possessed skill, taste, and tact. One hour after the
+conversation in the garden of the Palais Royal, he had obtained the
+signatures of Delia and Florival, two excellent acquisitions, destined
+to do him infinite honour in Germany. That night his little company was
+complete, and the next day, after a good dinner, it started for
+Strasburg. It was composed as follows:
+
+    Balthasar, manager, was to play the old men, and take the heavy
+    business.
+
+    Florival was the leading man, the lover, and the first singer.
+
+    Rigolet was the low comedian, and took the parts usually played by
+    Arnal and Bouffe.
+
+    Similor was to perform the valets in Moliere's comedies, and
+    eccentric low comedy characters.
+
+    Anselmo was the walking gentleman.
+
+    Lebel led the band.
+
+    Miss Delia was to display her charms and talents as prima donna, and
+    in genteel comedy.
+
+    Miss Foligny was the singing chambermaid.
+
+    Miss Alice was the walking lady, and made herself generally useful.
+
+    Finally, Madame Pastorale, the duenna of the company, was to perform
+    the old women, and look after the young ones.
+
+Although so few, the company trusted to atone by zeal and industry for
+numerical deficiency. It would be easy to find, in the capital of the
+Grand Duchy, persons capable of filling mute parts, and, in most plays,
+a few unimportant characters might be suppressed.
+
+The travellers reached Strasburg without adventure worthy of note. There
+Balthasar allowed them six-and-thirty hours' repose, and took advantage
+of the halt to write to the Grand Duke Leopold, and inform him of his
+approaching arrival; then they again started, crossed the Rhine at Kehl,
+and in thirty hours, after traversing several small German states,
+reached the frontier of the Grand Duchy of Niesenstein, and stopped at a
+little village called Krusthal. From this village to the capital the
+distance was only four leagues, but means of conveyance were wanting.
+There was but a single stagecoach on that line of road; it would not
+leave Krusthal for two days, and it held but six persons. No other
+vehicles were to be had; it was necessary to wait, and the necessity was
+anything but pleasant. The actors made wry faces at the prospect of
+passing forty-eight hours in a wretched village. The only persons who
+easily made up their minds to the wearisome delay were Delia and
+Florival. The first singer was desperately in love, and the prima donna
+was not insensible to his delicate attentions and tender discourse.
+
+Balthasar, the most impatient and persevering of all, went out to
+explore the village. In an hour's time he returned in triumph to his
+friends, in a light cart drawn by a strong horse. Unfortunately the
+cart held but two persons.
+
+"I will set out alone," said Balthasar. "On reaching Karlstadt, I will
+go to the Grand Duke, explain our position, and I have no doubt he will
+immediately send carriages to convey you to his capital."
+
+These consolatory words were received with loud cheers by the actors.
+The driver, a peasant lad, cracked his whip, and the stout Mecklenburg
+horse set out at a small trot. Upon the way, Balthasar questioned his
+guide as to the extent, resources, and prosperity of the Grand Duchy,
+but could obtain no satisfactory reply; the young peasant was profoundly
+ignorant upon all these subjects. The four leagues were got over in
+something less than three hours, which is rather rapid travelling for
+Germany. It was nearly dark when Balthasar entered Karlstadt. The shops
+were shut, and there were few persons in the streets; people are early
+in their habits in the happy lands on the Rhine's right bank. Presently
+the cart stopped before a good-sized house.
+
+"You told me to take you to our prince's palace," said the driver, "and
+here it is." Balthasar alighted and entered the dwelling, unchallenged
+and unimpeded by the sentry who paced lazily up and down in its front.
+In the entrance-hall the manager met a porter, who bowed gravely to him
+as he passed; he walked on and passed through an empty anteroom. In the
+first apartment, appropriated to gentlemen-in-waiting, aides-de-camp,
+equerries, and other dignitaries of various degree, he found nobody; in
+a second saloon, lighted by a dim and smoky lamp, was an old gentleman,
+dressed in black, with powdered hair, who rose slowly at his entrance,
+looked at him with surprise, and inquired his pleasure.
+
+"I wish to see his Serene Highness, the Grand Duke Leopold," replied
+Balthasar.
+
+"The prince does not grant audiences at this hour," the old gentleman
+dryly answered.
+
+"His Highness expects me," was the confident reply of Balthasar.
+
+"That is another thing. I will inquire if it be his Highness's pleasure
+to receive you. Whom shall I announce?"
+
+"The manager of the Court theatre."
+
+The gentleman bowed, and left Balthasar alone. The pertinacious manager
+already began to doubt the success of his audacity, when he heard the
+Grand Duke's voice, saying, "Show him in."
+
+He entered. The sovereign of Niesenstein was alone, seated in a large
+arm-chair, at a table covered with a green cloth, upon which were a
+confused medley of letters and newspapers, an inkstand, a tobacco-bag,
+two wax-lights, a sugar-basin, a sword, a plate, gloves, a bottle,
+books, and a goblet of Bohemian glass, artistically engraved. His
+Highness was engrossed in a thoroughly national occupation; he was
+smoking one of those long pipes which Germans rarely lay aside except to
+eat or to sleep.
+
+The manager of the Court theatre bowed thrice, as if he had been
+advancing to the foot-lights to address the public; then he stood still
+and silent, awaiting the prince's pleasure. But, although he said
+nothing, his countenance was so expressive that the Grand Duke answered
+him.
+
+"Yes," he said, "here you are. I recollect you perfectly, and I have not
+forgotten our agreement. But you come at a very unfortunate moment, my
+dear sir!"
+
+"I crave your Highness's pardon if I have chosen an improper hour to
+seek an audience," replied Balthasar with another bow.
+
+"It is not the hour that I am thinking of," answered the prince quickly.
+"Would that were all! See, here is your letter; I was just now reading
+it, and regretting that, instead of writing to me only three days ago,
+when you were half-way here, you had not done so two or three weeks
+before starting."
+
+"I did wrong."
+
+"More so than you think; for, had you sooner warned me, I would have
+spared you a useless journey."
+
+"Useless!" exclaimed Balthasar aghast. "Has your Highness changed your
+mind?"
+
+"Not at all; I am still passionately fond of the drama, and should be
+delighted to have a French theatre here. As far as that goes, my ideas
+and tastes are in no way altered since last summer; but, unfortunately,
+I am unable to satisfy them. Look here," continued the prince, rising
+from his arm-chair. He took Balthasar's arm and led him to a window: "I
+told you, last year, that I was building a magnificent theatre in my
+capital."
+
+"Your Highness did tell me so."
+
+"Well, look yonder, on the other side of the square; there the theatre
+is!"
+
+"Your Highness, I see nothing but an open space; a building commenced,
+and as yet scarcely risen above the foundation."
+
+"Precisely so; that is the theatre."
+
+"Your Highness told me it would be completed before the end of winter."
+
+"I did not then foresee that I should have to stop the works for want of
+cash to pay the workmen. Such is my present position. If I have no
+theatre ready to receive you, and if I cannot take you and your company
+into my pay, it is because I have not the means. The coffers of the
+State and my privy purse are alike empty. You are astounded!--Adversity
+respects nobody--not even Grand Dukes. But I support its assaults with
+philosophy: try to follow my example; and, by way of a beginning, take a
+chair and a pipe, fill yourself a glass of wine, and drink to the
+return of my prosperity. Since you suffer for my misfortunes, I owe you
+an explanation. Although I never had much order in my expenditure, I had
+every reason, at the time I first met with you, to believe my finances
+in a flourishing condition. It was not until the commencement of the
+present year that I discovered the contrary to be the case. Last year
+was a bad one; hail ruined our crops, and money was hard to get in. The
+salaries of my household were in arrear, and my officers murmured. For
+the first time I ordered a statement of my affairs to be laid before me,
+and I found that ever since my accession I had been exceeding my
+revenue. My first act of sovereignty had been a considerable diminution
+of the taxes paid to my predecessors. Hence the evil, which had annually
+augmented, and now I am ruined, loaded with debts, and without means of
+repairing the disaster. My privy-councillors certainly proposed a way;
+it was to double the taxes, raise extraordinary contributions--to
+squeeze my subjects, in short. A fine plan, indeed! to make the poor pay
+for my improvidence and disorder! Such things may occur in other States,
+but they shall not occur in mine. Justice before everything. I prefer
+enduring my difficulties to making my subjects suffer."
+
+"Excellent prince!" exclaimed Balthasar, touched by these generous
+sentiments. The Grand Duke smiled.
+
+"Do you turn flatterer?" he said. "Beware! it is an arduous post, and
+you will have none to help you. I have no longer wherewith to pay
+flatterers; my courtiers have fled. You have seen the emptiness of my
+anterooms; you met neither chamberlain nor equerry upon your entrance.
+All those gentlemen have given in their resignations. The civil and
+military officers of my house, secretaries, aides-de-camp, and others,
+left me, because I could no longer pay them their wages. I am alone; a
+few faithful and patient servants are all that remain, and the most
+important personage of my court is now honest Sigismund, my old
+valet-de-chambre."
+
+These last words were spoken in a melancholy tone, which pained
+Balthasar. The eyes of the honest manager glistened. The Grand Duke
+detected his sympathy.
+
+"Do not pity me," he said with a smile. "It is no sorrow to me to have
+got rid of a wearisome etiquette, and, at the same time, of a pack of
+spies and hypocrites, by whom I was formerly from morning till night
+beset."
+
+The cheerful frankness of the Grand Duke's manner forbade doubt of his
+sincerity. Balthasar congratulated him on his courage.
+
+"I need it more than you think!" replied Leopold, "and I cannot answer
+for having enough to support the blows that threaten me. The desertion
+of my courtiers would be nothing did I owe it only to the bad state of
+my finances: as soon as I found myself in funds again I could buy others
+or take back the old ones, and amuse myself by putting my foot upon
+their servile necks. Then they would be as humble as now they are
+insolent. But their defection is an omen of other dangers. As the
+diplomatists say, clouds are at the political horizon. Poverty alone
+would not have sufficed to clear my palace of men who are as greedy of
+honours as they are of money; they would have waited for better days;
+their vanity would have consoled their avarice. If they fled, it was
+because they felt the ground shake beneath their feet, and because they
+are in league with my enemies. I cannot shut my eyes to impending
+dangers. I am on bad terms with Austria; Metternich looks askance at me;
+at Vienna I am considered too liberal, too popular: they say that I set
+a bad example; they reproach me with cheap government, and with not
+making my subjects sufficiently feel the yoke. Thus do they accumulate
+pretexts for playing me a scurvy trick. One of my cousins, a colonel
+in the Austrian service, covets my Grand Duchy. Although I say _grand_,
+it is but ten leagues long and eight leagues broad: but such as it is,
+it suits me; I am accustomed to it, I have the habit of ruling it, and
+I should miss it were I deprived of it. My cousin has the audacity
+to dispute my incontestable rights; this is a mere pretext for
+litigation, but he has carried the case before the Aulic Council, and
+notwithstanding the excellence of my right I still may lose my cause,
+for I have no money wherewith to enlighten my judges. My enemies are
+powerful, treason surrounds me; they try to take advantage of my
+financial embarrassments, first to make me bankrupt and then to depose
+me. In this critical conjuncture, I should be only too delighted to have
+a company of players to divert my thoughts from my troubles--but I have
+neither theatre nor money. So it is impossible for me to keep you, my
+dear manager, and, believe me, I am as grieved at it as you can be.
+All I can do is to give you, out of the little I have left, a small
+indemnity to cover your travelling expenses and take you back to France.
+Come and see me to-morrow morning; we will settle this matter, and you
+shall take your leave."
+
+Balthasar's attention and sympathy had been so completely engrossed by
+the Grand Duke's misfortunes, and by his revelations of his political
+and financial difficulties, that his own troubles had quite gone out of
+his thoughts. When he quitted the palace they came back upon him like a
+thunder-cloud. How was he to satisfy the actors, whom he had brought two
+hundred leagues away from Paris? What could he say to them, how appease
+them? The unhappy manager passed a miserable night. At daybreak he rose
+and went out into the open air, to calm his agitation and seek a mode of
+extrication from his difficulties. During a two hours' walk he had
+abundant time to visit every corner of Karlstadt, and to admire the
+beauties of that celebrated capital. He found it an elegant town, with
+wide straight streets cutting completely across it, so that he could see
+through it at a glance. The houses were pretty and uniform, and the
+windows were provided with small indiscreet mirrors, which reflected the
+passers-by and transported the street into the drawing-room, so that the
+worthy Karlstadters could satisfy their curiosity without quitting their
+easy chairs. An innocent recreation, much affected by German burghers.
+As regarded trade and manufactures, the capital of the Grand Duchy of
+Niesenstein did not seem to be very much occupied with either. It was
+anything but a bustling city; luxury had made but little progress there;
+and its prosperity was due chiefly to the moderate desires and
+phlegmatic philosophy of its inhabitants.
+
+In such a country a company of actors had no chance of a livelihood.
+There is nothing for it but to return to France, thought Balthasar,
+after making the circuit of the city: then he looked at his watch, and,
+deeming the hour suitable, he took the road to the palace, which he
+entered with as little ceremony as upon the preceding evening. The
+faithful Sigismund, doing duty as gentleman-in-waiting, received him as
+an old acquaintance, and forthwith ushered him into the Grand Duke's
+presence. His Highness seemed more depressed than upon the previous day.
+He was pacing the room with long strides, his eyes cast down, his arms
+folded. In his hand he held papers, whose perusal it apparently was that
+had thus discomposed him. For some moments he said nothing; then he
+suddenly stopped before Balthasar.
+
+"You find me less calm," he said, "than I was last night. I have just
+received unpleasant news. I am heartily sick of these perpetual
+vexations, and gladly would I resign this poor sovereignty, this crown
+of thorns they seek to snatch from me, did not honour command me to
+maintain to the last my legitimate rights. Yes," vehemently exclaimed
+the Grand Duke, "at this moment a tranquil existence is all I covet, and
+I would willingly give up my Grand Duchy, my title, my crown, to live
+quietly at Paris, as a private gentleman, upon thirty thousand francs
+a-year."
+
+"I believe so, indeed!" cried Balthasar, who, in his wildest dreams of
+fortune, had never dared aspire so high. His artless exclamation made
+the prince smile. It needed but a trifle to dissipate his vexation, and
+to restore that upper current of easy good temper which habitually
+floated upon the surface of his character.
+
+"You think," he gaily cried, "that some, in my place, would be satisfied
+with less, and that thirty thousand francs a-year, with independence and
+the pleasures of Paris, compose a lot more enviable than the government
+of all the Grand Duchies in the world. My own experience tells me that
+you are right; for, ten years ago, when I was but hereditary prince, I
+passed six months at Paris, rich, independent, careless; and memory
+declares those to have been the happiest days of my life."
+
+"Well! if you were to sell all you have, could you not realise that
+fortune? Besides, the cousin, of whom you did me the honour to speak to
+me yesterday, would probably gladly insure you an income if you yielded
+him your place here. But will your Highness permit me to speak plainly?"
+
+"By all means."
+
+"The tranquil existence of a private gentleman would doubtless have many
+charms for you, and you say so in all sincerity of heart; but, upon the
+other hand, you set store by your crown, though you may not admit it to
+yourself. In a moment of annoyance it is easy to exaggerate the charms
+of tranquillity, and the pleasures of private life; but a throne,
+however rickety, is a seat which none willingly quit. That is my
+opinion, formed at the dramatic school: it is perhaps a reminiscence of
+some old part, but truth is sometimes found upon the stage. Since,
+therefore, all things considered, to stay where you are is that which
+best becomes you, you ought----But I crave your Highness's pardon, I am
+perhaps speaking too freely----"
+
+"Speak on, my dear manager, freely and fearlessly; I listen to you with
+pleasure. I ought, you were about to say?----"
+
+"Instead of abandoning yourself to despair and poetry, instead of
+contenting yourself with succumbing nobly, like some ancient Roman, you
+ought boldly to combat the peril. Circumstances are favourable; you have
+neither ministers nor state-councillors to mislead you, and embarrass
+your plans. Strong in your good right, and in your subjects' love, it is
+impossible you should not find means of retrieving your finances and
+strengthening your position."
+
+"There is but one means, and that is--a good marriage."
+
+"Excellent! I had not thought of it. You are a bachelor! A good marriage
+is salvation. It is thus that great houses, menaced with ruin, regain
+their former splendour. You must marry an heiress, the only daughter of
+some rich banker."
+
+"You forget--it would be derogatory. _I_ am free from such prejudices,
+but what would Austria say if I thus condescended? It would be another
+charge to bring against me. And then a banker's millions would not
+suffice; I must ally myself with a powerful family, whose influence
+will strengthen mine. Only a few days ago, I thought such an alliance
+within my grasp. A neighbouring prince, Maximilian of Hanau, who is in
+high favour at Vienna, has a sister to marry. The Princess Wilhelmina is
+young, handsome, amiable, and rich; I have already entered upon the
+preliminaries of a matrimonial negotiation, but two despatches, received
+this morning, destroy all my hopes. Hence the low spirits in which you
+find me."
+
+"Perhaps," said Balthasar, "your Highness too easily gives way to
+discouragement."
+
+"Judge for yourself. I have a rival, the Elector of Saxe-Tolpelhausen;
+his territories are less considerable than mine, but he is more solidly
+established in his little electorate than I am in my grand-duchy."
+
+"Pardon me, your Highness; I saw the Elector of Saxe-Tolpelhausen last
+year at Baden-Baden, and, without flattery, he cannot for an instant be
+compared with your Highness. You are hardly thirty, and he is more than
+forty; you have a good figure, he is heavy, clumsy, and ill-made; your
+countenance is noble and agreeable, his common and displeasing; your
+hair is light brown, his bright red. The Princess Wilhelmina is sure to
+prefer you."
+
+"Perhaps so, if she were asked; but she is in the power of her august
+brother, who will marry her to whom he pleases."
+
+"That must be prevented."
+
+"How?"
+
+"By winning the young lady's affections. Love has so many resources.
+Every day one sees marriages for money broken off, and replaced by
+marriages for love."
+
+"Yes, one sees that in plays----"
+
+"Which afford excellent lessons."
+
+"For people of a certain class, but not for princes."
+
+"Why not make the attempt? If I dared advise you, it would be to set out
+to-morrow, and pay a visit to the Prince of Hanau."
+
+"Unnecessary. To see the prince and his sister, I need not stir hence.
+One of these despatches announces their early arrival at Karlstadt. They
+are on their way hither. On their return from a journey into Prussia,
+they pass through my territories and pause in my capital, inviting
+themselves as my guests for two or three days. Their visit is my ruin.
+What will they think of me when they find me alone, deserted, in my
+empty palace? Do you suppose the Princess will be tempted to share my
+dismal solitude? Last year she went to Saxe-Tolpelhausen. The Elector
+entertained her well, and made his court agreeable. _He_ could place
+chamberlains and aides-de-camp at her orders, could give concerts,
+balls, and festivals. But I--what can _I_ do? What a humiliation! And,
+that no affront may be spared to me, my rival proposes negotiating his
+marriage at my own court! Nothing less, it seems, will satisfy him! He
+has just sent me an ambassador, Baron Pippinstir, deputed, he writes, to
+conclude a commercial treaty which will be extremely advantageous to me.
+The treaty is but a pretext. The Baron's true mission is to the Prince
+of Hanau. The meeting is skilfully contrived, for the secret and
+unostentatious conclusion of the matrimonial treaty. This is what I am
+condemned to witness! I must endure this outrage and mortification, and
+display, before the prince and his sister, my misery and poverty. I
+would do anything to avoid such shame!"
+
+"Means might, perhaps, be found," said Balthasar, after a moment's
+reflection.
+
+"Means? Speak, and whatever they be, I adopt them."
+
+"The plan is a bold one!" continued Balthasar, speaking half to the
+Grand Duke and half to himself, as if pondering and weighing a project.
+
+"No matter! I will risk everything."
+
+"You would like to conceal your real position, to re-people this palace,
+to have a court?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Do you think the courtiers who have deserted you would return?"
+
+"Never. Did I not tell you they are sold to my enemies?"
+
+"Could you not select others from the higher class of your subjects?"
+
+"Impossible! There are very few gentlemen amongst my subjects. Ah! if a
+court could be got up at a day's notice! though it were to be composed
+of the humblest citizens of Karlstadt----"
+
+"I have better than that to offer you."
+
+"_You_ have? And whom do you offer?" cried Duke Leopold, greatly
+astonished.
+
+"My actors."
+
+"What! you would have me make up a court of your actors?"
+
+"Yes, your Highness, and you could not do better. Observe that my actors
+are accustomed to play all manner of parts, and that they will be
+perfectly at their ease when performing those of noblemen and high
+officials. I answer for their talent, discretion, and probity. As soon
+as your illustrious guests have departed, and you no longer need their
+services, they shall resign their posts. Bear in mind that you have no
+other alternative. Time is short, danger at your door, hesitation is
+destruction."
+
+"But, if such a trick were discovered!----"
+
+"A mere supposition, a chimerical fear. On the other hand, if you do not
+run the risk I propose, your ruin is certain."
+
+The Grand Duke was easily persuaded. Careless and easy-going, he yet
+was not wanting in determination, nor in a certain love of hazardous
+enterprises. He remembered that fortune is said to favour the bold, and
+his desperate position increased his courage. With joyful intrepidity he
+accepted and adopted Balthasar's scheme.
+
+"Bravo!" cried the manager; "you shall have no cause to repent. You
+behold in me a sample of your future courtiers; and since honours and
+dignities are to be distributed, it is with me, if you please, that we
+will begin. In this request I act up to the spirit of my part. A
+courtier should always be asking for something, should lose no
+opportunity, and should profit by his rivals' absence to obtain the best
+place. I entreat your Highness to have the goodness to name me prime
+minister."
+
+"Granted!" gaily replied the prince. "Your Excellency may immediately
+enter upon your functions."
+
+"My Excellency will not fail to do so, and begins by requesting your
+signature to a few decrees I am about to draw up. But in the first
+place, your Highness must be so good as to answer two or three
+questions, that I may understand the position of affairs. A new-comer in
+a country, and a novice in a minister's office, has need of instruction.
+If it became necessary to enforce your commands, have you the means of
+so doing?"
+
+"Undoubtedly."
+
+"Your Highness has soldiers?"
+
+"A regiment."
+
+"How many men?"
+
+"One hundred and twenty, besides the musicians."
+
+"Are they obedient, devoted?"
+
+"Passive obedience, unbounded devotion; soldiers and officers would die
+for me to the last man."
+
+"It is their duty. Another question: Have you a prison in your
+dominions?"
+
+"Certainly."
+
+"I mean a good prison, strong and well-guarded, with thick walls, solid
+bars, stern and incorruptible jailors?"
+
+"I have every reason to believe that the Castle of Zwingenberg combines
+all those requisites. The fact is, I have made very little use of it;
+but it was built by a man who understood such matters--by my father's
+great-grandfather, Rudolph the Inflexible."
+
+"A fine surname for a sovereign! Your Inflexible ancestor, I am very
+sure, never lacked either cash or courtiers. Your Highness has perhaps
+done wrong to leave the state-prison untenanted. A prison requires to be
+inhabited, like any other building; and the first act of the authority
+with which you have been pleased to invest me, will be a salutary
+measure of incarceration. I presume the Castle of Zwingenberg will
+accommodate a score of prisoners?"
+
+"What! you are going to imprison twenty persons?"
+
+"More or less. I do not yet know the exact number of the persons who
+composed your late court. They it is whom I propose lodging within the
+lofty walls constructed by the Inflexible Rudolph. The measure is
+indispensable."
+
+"But it is illegal!"
+
+"I crave your Highness's pardon; you use a word I do not understand. It
+seems to me that, in every good German government, that which is
+absolutely necessary is necessarily legal. That is my policy. Moreover,
+as prime minister, I am responsible. What would you have more? It is
+plain that, if we leave your courtiers their liberty, it will be
+impossible to perform our comedy; they will betray us. Therefore the
+welfare of the state imperatively demands their imprisonment. Besides,
+you yourself have said that they are traitors, and therefore they
+deserve punishment. For your own safety's sake, for the success of your
+project--which will insure the happiness of your subjects--write the
+names, sign the order, and inflict upon the deserters the lenient
+chastisement of a week's captivity."
+
+The Grand Duke wrote the names and signed several orders, which were
+forthwith intrusted to the most active and determined officers of the
+regiment, with instructions to make the arrests at once, and to take
+their prisoners to the Castle of Zwingenberg, at three quarters of a
+league from Karlstadt.
+
+"All that now remains to be done is to send for your new court," said
+Balthasar. "Has your Highness carriages?"
+
+"Certainly! a berlin, a barouche, and a cabriolet."
+
+"And horses?"
+
+"Six draught and two saddle."
+
+"I take the barouche, the berlin, and four horses; I go to Krusthal, put
+my actors up to their parts, and bring them here this evening. We instal
+ourselves in the palace, and shall be at once at your Highness's
+orders."
+
+"Very good; but, before going, write an answer to Baron Pippinstir, who
+asks an audience."
+
+"Two lines, very dry and official, putting him off till to-morrow. We
+must be under arms to receive him.... Here is the note written, but how
+shall I sign it? The name of Balthasar is not very suitable to a German
+Excellency."
+
+"True, you must have another name, and a title; I create you Count
+Lipandorf."
+
+"Thanks, your Highness. I will bear the title nobly, and restore it to
+you faithfully, with my seals of office, when the comedy is played out."
+
+Count Lipandorf signed the letter, which Sigismund was ordered to take
+to Baron Pippinstir; then he started for Krusthal.
+
+Next morning, the Grand Duke Leopold held a levee, which was attended by
+all the officers of his new court. And as soon as he was dressed he
+received the ladies with infinite grace and affability.
+
+Ladies and officers were attired in their most elegant theatrical
+costumes; the Grand Duke appeared greatly satisfied with their bearing
+and manners. The first compliments over, there came a general
+distribution of titles and offices.
+
+The lover, Florival, was appointed aide-de-camp to the Grand Duke,
+colonel of hussars, and Count Reinsburg.
+
+Rigolet, the low comedian, was named grand chamberlain, and Baron
+Fidibus.
+
+Similor, who performed the valets, was master of the horse and Baron
+Kockemburg.
+
+Anselmo, walking gentleman, was promoted to be gentleman in waiting and
+Chevalier Grillenfanger.
+
+The leader of the band, Lebel, was appointed superintendant of the music
+and amusements of the court, with the title of Chevalier Arpeggio.
+
+The prima donna, Miss Delia, was created Countess of Rosenthal, an
+interesting orphan, whose dowry was to be the hereditary office of first
+lady of honour to the future Grand Duchess.
+
+Miss Foligny, the singing chambermaid, was appointed widow of a general
+and Baroness Allenzau.
+
+Miss Alice, walking lady, became Miss Fidibus, daughter of the
+chamberlain, and a rich heiress.
+
+Finally, the duenna, Madame Pastorale, was called to the responsible
+station of mistress of the robes and governess of the maids of honour,
+under the imposing title of Baroness Schicklick.
+
+The new dignitaries received decorations in proportion to their rank.
+Count Balthasar von Lipandorf, prime minister, had two stars and three
+grand crosses. The aide-de-camp, Florival von Reinsberg, fastened five
+crosses upon the breast of his hussar jacket.
+
+The parts duly distributed and learned, there was a rehearsal, which
+went off excellently well. The Grand Duke deigned to superintend the
+getting up of the piece, and to give the actors a few useful hints.
+
+Prince Maximilian of Hanau and his august sister were expected that
+evening. Time was precious. Pending their arrival, and by way of
+practising his court, the Grand Duke gave audience to the ambassador
+from Saxe-Tolpelhausen.
+
+Baron Pippinstir was ushered into the Hall of the Throne. He had asked
+permission to present his wife at the same time as his credentials, and
+that favour had been granted him.
+
+At sight of the diplomatist, the new courtiers, as yet unaccustomed to
+rigid decorum, had difficulty in keeping their countenances. The Baron
+was a man of fifty, prodigiously tall, singularly thin, abundantly
+powdered, with legs like hop-poles, clad in knee breeches and white silk
+stockings. A long slender pigtail danced upon his flexible back. He had
+a face like a bird of prey--little round eyes, a receding chin, and an
+enormous hooked nose. It was scarcely possible to look at him without
+laughing, especially when one saw him for the first time. His
+apple-green coat glittered with a profusion of embroidery. His chest
+being too narrow to admit of a horizontal development of his
+decorations, he wore them in two columns, extending from his collar to
+his waist. When he approached the Grand Duke, with a self-satisfied
+simper and a jaunty air, his sword by his side, his cocked hat under his
+arm, nothing was wanting to complete the caricature.
+
+The Baroness Pippinstir was a total contrast to her husband. She was a
+pretty little woman of five-and-twenty, as plump as a partridge, with a
+lively eye, a nice figure, and an engaging smile. There was mischief in
+her glance, seduction in her dimples, and the rose's tint upon her
+cheeks. Her dress was the only ridiculous thing about her. To come to
+court, the little Baroness had put on all the finery she could muster;
+she sailed into the hall under a cloud of ribbons, sparkling with jewels
+and fluttering with plumes--the loftiest of which, however, scarcely
+reached to the shoulder of her lanky spouse.
+
+Completely identifying himself with his part of prime minister,
+Balthasar, as soon as this oddly-assorted pair appeared, decided upon
+his plan of campaign. His natural penetration told him the diplomatist's
+weak point. He felt that the Baron, who was old and ugly, must be
+jealous of his wife, who was young and pretty. He was not mistaken.
+Pippinstir was as jealous as a tiger-cat. Recently married, the meagre
+diplomatist had not dared to leave his wife at Saxe-Tolpelhausen, for
+fear of accidents; he would not lose sight of her, and had brought her
+to Karlstadt in the arrogant belief that danger vanished in his
+presence.
+
+After exchanging a few diplomatic phrases with the ambassador, Balthasar
+took Colonel Florival aside and gave him secret instructions. The
+dashing officer passed his hand through his richly-curling locks,
+adjusted his splendid pelisse, and approached Baroness Pippinstir. The
+ambassadress received him graciously; the handsome colonel had already
+attracted her attention, and soon she was delighted with his wit and
+gallant speeches. Florival did not lack imagination, and his memory was
+stored with well-turned phrases and sentimental tirades, borrowed from
+stage-plays. He spoke half from inspiration, half from memory, and he
+was listened to with favour.
+
+The conversation was carried on in French--for the best of reasons.
+
+"It is the custom here," said the Grand Duke to the ambassador; "French
+is the only language spoken in this palace; it is a regulation I had
+some difficulty in enforcing, and I was at last obliged to decree that a
+heavy penalty should be paid for every German word spoken by a person
+attached to my court. That proved effectual, and you will not easily
+catch any of these ladies and gentlemen tripping. My prime minister,
+Count Balthasar von Lipandorf, is the only one who is permitted
+occasionally to speak his native language."
+
+Balthasar, who had long managed theatres in Alsace and Lorraine, spoke
+German like a Frankfort brewer.
+
+Meanwhile, Baron Pippinstir's uneasiness was extreme. Whilst his wife
+conversed in a low voice with the young and fascinating aide-de-camp,
+the pitiless prime minister held his arm tight, and explained at great
+length his views with respect to the famous commercial treaty. Caught in
+his own snare, the unlucky diplomatist was in agony; he fidgeted to get
+away, his countenance expressed grievous uneasiness, his lean legs were
+convulsively agitated. But in vain did he endeavour to abridge his
+torments; the remorseless Balthasar relinquished not his prey.
+
+Sigismund, promoted to be steward of the household, announced dinner.
+The ambassador and his lady had been invited to dine, as well as all the
+courtiers. The aide-de-camp was placed next to the Baroness, the Baron
+at the other end of the table. The torture was prolonged. Florival
+continued to whisper soft nonsense to the fair and well-pleased
+Pippinstir. The diplomatist could not eat.
+
+There was another person present whom Florival's flirtation annoyed, and
+that person was Delia, Countess of Rosenthal. After dinner, Balthasar,
+whom nothing escaped, took her aside.
+
+"You know very well," said the minister, "that he is only acting a part
+in a comedy. Should you feel hurt if he declared his love upon the
+stage, to one of your comrades? Here it is the same thing; all this is
+but a play; when the curtain falls, he will return to you."
+
+A courier announced that the Prince of Hanau and his sister were within
+a league of Karlstadt. The Grand Duke, attended by Count Reinsberg and
+some officers, went to meet them. It was dark when the illustrious
+guests reached the palace; they passed through the great saloon, where
+the whole court was assembled to receive them, and retired at once to
+their apartments.
+
+"The game is fairly begun," said the Grand Duke to his prime minister;
+"and now, may heaven help us!"
+
+"Fear nothing," replied Balthasar. "The glimpse I caught of Prince
+Maximilian's physiognomy satisfied me that everything will pass off
+perfectly well, and without exciting the least suspicion. As to Baron
+Pippinstir, he is already blind with jealousy, and Florival will give
+him so much to do, that he will have no time to attend to his master's
+business. Things look well."
+
+Next morning, the Prince and Princess of Hanau were welcomed, on
+awakening, by a serenade from the regimental band. The weather was
+beautiful; the Grand Duke proposed an excursion out of town; he was glad
+of an opportunity to show his guests the best features of his duchy--a
+delightful country, and many picturesque points of view, much prized and
+sketched by German landscape-painters. The proposal agreed to, the
+party set out, in carriages and on horseback, for the old Castle of
+Rauberzell--magnificent ruins, dating from the middle ages, and famous
+far and wide. At a short distance from the castle, which lifted its
+grey turrets upon the summit of a wooded hill, the Princess Wilhelmina
+expressed a wish to walk the remainder of the way. Everybody followed
+her example. The Grand Duke offered her his arm; the Prince gave his
+to the Countess Delia von Rosenthal; and, at a sign from Balthasar,
+Baroness Pastorale von Schicklick took possession of Baron Pippinstir;
+whilst the smiling Baroness accepted Florival's escort. The young people
+walked at a brisk pace. The unfortunate Baron would gladly have availed
+himself of his long legs to keep up with his coquettish wife; but the
+duenna, portly and ponderous, hung upon his arm, checked his ardour, and
+detained him in the rear. Respect for the mistress of the robes forbade
+rebellion or complaint.
+
+Amidst the ruins of the venerable castle, the distinguished party found
+a table spread with an elegant collation. It was an agreeable surprise,
+and the Grand Duke had all the credit of an idea suggested to him by his
+prime minister.
+
+The whole day was passed in rambling through the beautiful forest of
+Rauberzell. The Princess was charming; nothing could exceed the
+high-breeding of the courtiers, or the fascination and elegance of the
+ladies; and Prince Maximilian warmly congratulated the Grand Duke on
+having a court composed of such agreeable and accomplished persons.
+Baroness Pippinstir declared, in a moment of enthusiasm, that the court
+of Saxe-Tolpelhausen was not to compare with that of Niesenstein. She
+could hardly have said anything more completely at variance with the
+object of her husband's mission. The Baron was near fainting.
+
+Like not a few of her countrywomen, the Princess Wilhelmina had a strong
+predilection for Parisian fashions. She admired everything that came
+from France; she spoke French perfectly, and greatly approved the Grand
+Duke's decree, forbidding any other language to be spoken at his court.
+Moreover, there was nothing extraordinary in such a regulation; French
+is the language of all the northern courts. But she was greatly tickled
+at the notion of a fine being inflicted for a single German word. She
+amused herself by trying to catch some of the Grand Duke's courtiers
+transgressing in this respect. Her labour was completely lost.
+
+That evening, at the palace, when conversation began to languish, the
+Chevalier Arpeggio sat down to the piano, and the Countess Delia von
+Rosenthal sang an air out of the last new opera. The guests were
+enchanted with her performance. Prince Maximilian had been extremely
+attentive to the Countess during their excursion; the young actress's
+grace and beauty had captivated him, and the charm of her voice
+completed his subjugation. Passionately fond of music, every note she
+sang went to his very heart. When she had finished one song, he
+petitioned for another. The amiable prima donna sang a duet with the
+aide-de-camp Florival von Reinsberg, and then, being further entreated,
+a trio, in which Similor--master of the horse, barytone, and Baron von
+Kockemburg--took a part.
+
+Here our actors were at home, and their success was complete. Deviating
+from his usual reserve, Prince Maximilian did not disguise his delight;
+and the imprudent little Baroness Pippinstir declared that, with such a
+beautiful tenor voice, an aide-de-camp might aspire to anything. A
+cemetery on a wet day is a cheerful sight, compared to the Baron's
+countenance when he heard these words.
+
+Upon the morrow, a hunting-party was the order of the day. In the
+evening there was a dance. It had been proposed to invite the principal
+families of the metropolis of Niesenstein, but the Prince and Princess
+begged that the circle might not be increased.
+
+"We are four ladies," said the Princess, glancing at the prima donna,
+the singing chambermaid, and the walking lady, "it is enough for a
+quadrille."
+
+There was no lack of gentlemen. There was the Grand Duke, the
+aide-de-camp, the grand chamberlain, the master of the horse, the
+gentleman-in-waiting, and Prince Maximilian's aide-de-camp, Count Darius
+von Sturmhaube, who appeared greatly smitten by the charms of the
+widowed Baroness Allenzau.
+
+"I am sorry my court is not more numerous," said the Grand Duke, "but,
+within the last three days, I have been compelled to diminish it by
+one-half."
+
+"How so?" inquired Prince Maximilian.
+
+"A dozen courtiers," replied the Grand Duke Leopold, "whom I had loaded
+with favours, dared conspire against me, in favour of a certain cousin
+of mine at Vienna. I discovered the plot, and the plotters are now in
+the dungeons of my good fortress of Zwingenberg."
+
+"Well done!" cried the Prince; "I like such energy and vigour. And to
+think that people taxed you with weakness of character! How we princes
+are deceived and calumniated."
+
+The Grand Duke cast a grateful glance at Balthasar. That able minister
+by this time felt himself as much at his ease in his new office as if he
+had held it all his life; he even began to suspect that the government
+of a grand-duchy is a much easier matter than the management of a
+company of actors. Incessantly engrossed by his master's interests, he
+manoeuvred to bring about the marriage which was to give the Grand
+Duke happiness, wealth, and safety; but, notwithstanding his skill,
+notwithstanding the torments with which he had filled the jealous soul
+of Pippinstir, the ambassador devoted the scanty moments of repose his
+wife left him to furthering the object of his mission. The alliance with
+Saxe-Tolpelhausen was pleasing to Prince Maximilian; it offered him
+various advantages: the extinction of an old law-suit between the two
+states, the cession of a large extent of territory, and, finally, the
+commercial treaty, which the perfidious Baron had brought to the court
+of Niesenstein, with a view of concluding it in favour of the
+principality of Hanau. Invested with unlimited powers, the diplomatist
+was ready to insert in the contract almost any conditions Prince
+Maximilian chose to dictate to him.
+
+It is necessary here to remark that the Elector of Saxe-Tolpelhausen was
+desperately in love with the Princess Wilhelmina.
+
+It was evident that the Baron would carry the day, if the prime minister
+did not hit upon some scheme to destroy his credit or force him to
+retreat. Balthasar, fertile in expedients, was teaching Florival his
+part in the palace garden, when Prince Maximilian met him, and requested
+a moment's private conversation.
+
+"I am at your Highness's orders," respectfully replied the minister.
+
+"I will go straight to the point, Count Lipandorf," the Prince began. "I
+married my late wife, a princess of Hesse-Darmstadt, from political
+motives. She has left me three sons. I now intend to marry again; but
+this time I need not sacrifice myself to state considerations, and I am
+determined to consult my heart alone."
+
+"If your Highness does me the honour to consult _me_, I have merely to
+say that you are perfectly justified in acting as you propose. After
+once sacrificing himself to his people's happiness, a prince has surely
+a right to think a little of his own."
+
+"Exactly my opinion! Count, I will tell you a secret. I am in love with
+Miss von Rosenthal."
+
+"Miss Delia?"
+
+"Yes, sir; with Miss Delia, Countess of Rosenthal; and, what is more, I
+will tell you that _I know everything_."
+
+"What may it be that your Highness knows?"
+
+"I know who she is."
+
+"Ha!"
+
+"It was a great secret!"
+
+"And how came your Highness to discover it?"
+
+"The Grand Duke revealed it to me."
+
+"I might have guessed as much!"
+
+"He alone could do so, and I rejoice that I addressed myself directly to
+him. At first, when I questioned him concerning the young Countess's
+family, he ill concealed his embarrassment: her position struck me as
+strange; young, beautiful, and alone in the world, without relatives or
+guardians--all that seemed to me singular, if not suspicious. I
+trembled, as the possibility of an intrigue flashed upon me; but the
+Grand Duke, to dissipate my unfounded suspicion, told me all."
+
+"And what is your Highness's decision?... After such a revelation----"
+
+"It in no way changes my intentions. I shall marry the lady."
+
+"Marry her?... But no, your Highness jests."
+
+"Count Lipandorf, I never jest. What is there, then, so strange in my
+determination? The Grand Duke's father was romantic, and of a roving
+disposition; in the course of his life he contracted several left-handed
+alliances--Miss von Rosenthal is the issue of one of those unions. I
+care not for the illegitimacy of her birth; she is of noble blood of a
+princely race--that is all I require."
+
+"Yes," replied Balthasar, who had concealed his surprise and kept his
+countenance, as became an experienced statesman and consummate
+comedian--"Yes, I now understand; and I think as you do. Your Highness
+has the talent of bringing everybody over to your way of thinking."
+
+"The greatest piece of good fortune," continued the Prince, "is that the
+mother remained unknown: she is dead, and there is no trace of family on
+that side."
+
+"As your Highness says, it is very fortunate. And doubtless the Grand
+Duke is informed of your august intentions with respect to the proposed
+marriage?"
+
+"No; I have as yet said nothing either to him or to the Countess. I
+reckon upon you, my dear Count, to make my offer, to whose acceptance I
+trust there will not be the slightest obstacle. I give you the rest of
+the day to arrange everything. I will write to Miss von Rosenthal; I
+hope to receive from her own lips the assurance of my happiness, and I
+will beg her to bring me her answer herself, this evening, in the
+summer-house in the park. Lover-like, you see--a rendezvous, a
+mysterious interview! But come, Count Lipandorf, lose no time; a double
+tie shall bind me to your sovereign. We will sign, at one and the same
+time, my marriage-contract and his. On that condition alone will I grant
+him my sister's hand; otherwise I treat, this very evening, with the
+envoy from Saxe-Tolpelhausen."
+
+A quarter of an hour after Prince Maximilian had made this overture,
+Balthasar and Delia were closeted with the Grand Duke.
+
+What was to be done? The Prince of Hanau was noted for his obstinacy. He
+would have excellent reasons to oppose to all objections. To confess the
+deception that had been practised upon him was equivalent to a total and
+eternal rupture. But, upon the other hand, to leave him in his error,
+to suffer him to marry an actress! it was a serious matter. If ever he
+discovered the truth, it would be enough to raise the entire German
+Confederation against the Grand Duke of Niesenstein.
+
+"What is my prime minister's opinion?" asked the Grand Duke.
+
+"A prompt retreat. Delia must instantly quit the town; we will devise an
+explanation of her sudden departure."
+
+"Yes; and this evening Prince Maximilian will sign his sister's
+marriage-contract with the Elector of Saxe-Tolpelhausen. My opinion is,
+that we have advanced too far to retreat. If the prince ever discovers
+the truth, he will be the person most interested to conceal it. Besides,
+Miss Delia is an orphan--she has neither parents nor family. I adopt
+her--I acknowledge her as my sister."
+
+"Your Highness's goodness and condescension----" lisped the pretty prima
+donna.
+
+"You agree with me, do you not, Miss Delia?" continued the Grand Duke.
+"You are resolved to seize the good fortune thus offered, and to risk
+the consequences?"
+
+"Yes, your Highness."
+
+The ladies will make allowance for Delia's faithlessness to Florival.
+How few female heads would not be turned by the prospect of wearing a
+crown! The heart's voice is sometimes mute in presence of such brilliant
+temptations. Besides, was not Florival faithless? Who could say whither
+he might be led in the course of the tender scenes he acted with the
+Baroness Pippinstir? Prince Maximilian was neither young nor handsome,
+but he offered a throne. Not only an actress, but many a high-born dame,
+might possibly, in such circumstances, forget her love, and think only
+of her ambition.
+
+To her credit be it said, Delia did not yield without some reluctance to
+the Grand Duke's arguments, which Balthasar backed with all his
+eloquence; but she ended by agreeing to the interview with Prince
+Maximilian.
+
+"I accept," she resolutely exclaimed; "I shall be sovereign Princess of
+Hanau."
+
+"And I," cried the Grand Duke, "shall marry Princess Wilhelmina, and,
+this very evening, poor Pippinstir, disconcerted and defeated, will go
+back to Saxe-Tolpelhausen."
+
+"He would have done that in any case," said Balthasar; "for, this
+evening, Florival was to have run away with his wife."
+
+"That is carrying things rather far," Delia remarked.
+
+"Such a scandal is unnecessary," added the Grand Duke.
+
+Whilst awaiting the hour of her rendezvous with the Prince, Delia,
+pensive and agitated, was walking in the park, when she came suddenly
+upon Florival, who seemed as much discomposed as herself. In spite of
+her newly-born ideas of grandeur, she felt a pain at her heart. With a
+forced smile, and in a tone of reproach and irony, she greeted her
+former lover.
+
+"A pleasant journey to you, Colonel Florival," she said.
+
+"I may wish you the same," replied Florival; "for doubtless you will
+soon set out for the principality of Hanau!"
+
+"Before long, no doubt."
+
+"You admit it, then?"
+
+"Where is the harm? The wife must follow her husband--a princess must
+reign in her dominions."
+
+"Princess! What do you mean? Wife! In what ridiculous promises have they
+induced you to confide?"
+
+Florival's offensive doubts were dissipated by the formal explanation
+which Delia took malicious pleasure in giving him. A touching scene
+ensued; the lovers, who had both gone astray for a moment, felt their
+former flame burn all the more ardently for its partial and temporary
+extinction. Pardon was mutually asked and granted, and ambitious dreams
+fled before a burst of affection.
+
+"You shall see whether I love you or not," said Florival to Delia.
+"Yonder comes Baron Pippinstir; I will take him into the summer-house; a
+closet is there, where you can hide yourself to hear what passes, and
+then you shall decide my fate."
+
+Delia went into the summer-house, and hid herself in the closet. There
+she overheard the following conversation:--
+
+"What have you to say to me, Colonel?" asked the Baron.
+
+"I wish to speak to your Excellency of an affair that deeply concerns
+you."
+
+"I am all attention; but I beg you to be brief; I am expected
+elsewhere."
+
+"So am I."
+
+"I must go to the prime minister, to return him this draught of a
+commercial treaty, which I cannot accept."
+
+"And I must go to the rendezvous given me in this letter."
+
+"The Baroness's writing!"
+
+"Yes, Baron. Your wife has done me the honour to write to me. We set out
+together to-night; the Baroness is waiting for me in a post-chaise."
+
+"And it is to me you dare acknowledge this abominable project?"
+
+"I am less generous than you think. You cannot but be aware that, owing
+to an irregularity in your marriage-contract, nothing would be easier
+than to get it annulled. This we will have done; we then obtain a
+divorce, and I marry the Baroness. You will, of course, have to hand me
+over her dowry--a million of florins--composing, if I do not mistake,
+your entire fortune."
+
+The Baron, more dead than alive, sank into an arm-chair. He was struck
+speechless.
+
+"We might, perhaps, make some arrangement, Baron," continued Florival.
+"I am not particularly bent upon becoming your wife's second husband."
+
+"Ah, sir!" cried the ambassador, "you restore me to life!"
+
+"Yes, but I will not restore you the Baroness, except on certain
+conditions."
+
+"Speak! What do you demand?"
+
+"First, that treaty of commerce, which you must sign just as Count
+Lipandorf has drawn it up."
+
+"I consent to do so."
+
+"That is not all; you shall take my place at the rendezvous, get into
+the post-chaise, and run away with your wife; but first you must sit
+down at this table and write a letter, in due diplomatic form, to Prince
+Maximilian, informing him that, finding it impossible to accept his
+stipulations, you are compelled to decline, in your sovereign's name,
+the honour of his august alliance."
+
+"But, Colonel, remember that my instructions----"
+
+"Very well, fulfil them exactly; be a dutiful ambassador and a miserable
+husband, ruined, without wife and without dowry. You will never have
+such another chance, Baron! A pretty wife and a million of florins do
+not fall to a man's lot twice in his life. But I must take my leave of
+you. I am keeping the Baroness waiting."
+
+"I will go to her.... Give me paper, a pen, and be so good as to
+dictate. I am so agitated----"
+
+The Baron really was in a dreadful fluster. The letter written, and the
+treaty signed, Florival told his Excellency where he would find the
+post-chaise.
+
+"One thing more you must promise me," said the young man, "and that is,
+that you will behave like a gentleman to your wife, and not scold her
+over-much. Remember the flaw in the contract. She may find somebody else
+in whose favour to cancel the document. Suitors will not be wanting."
+
+"What need of a promise?" replied the poor Baron. "You know very well
+that my wife does what she likes with me. I shall have to explain my
+conduct, and ask her pardon."
+
+Pippinstir departed. Delia left her hiding-place, and held out her hand
+to Florival.
+
+"You have behaved well," she said.
+
+"That is more than the Baroness will say."
+
+"She deserves the lesson. It is your turn to go into the closet and
+listen; the Prince will be here directly."
+
+"I hear his footsteps." And Florival was quickly concealed.
+
+"Charming Countess!" said the prince on entering. "I come to know my
+fate."
+
+"What does your Highness mean?" said Delia, pretending not to understand
+him.
+
+"How can you ask? Has not the Grand Duke spoken to you?"
+
+"No, your Highness."
+
+"Nor the prime minister?"
+
+"Not a word. When I received your letter, I was on the point of asking
+you for a private interview. I have a favour--a service--to implore of
+your Highness."
+
+"It is granted before it is asked. I place my whole influence and power
+at your feet, charming Countess."
+
+"A thousand thanks, illustrious prince. You have already shown me so
+much kindness, that I venture to ask you to make a communication to my
+brother, the Grand Duke, which I dare not make myself. I want you to
+inform him that I have been for three months privately married to Count
+Reinsberg."
+
+"Good heavens!" cried Maximilian, falling into the arm-chair in which
+Pippinstir had recently reclined. On recovering from the shock, the
+prince rose again to his feet.
+
+"'Tis well, madam," he said, in a faint voice. "'Tis well!"
+
+And he left the summer-house.
+
+After reading Baron Pippinstir's letter, Prince Maximilian fell
+a-thinking. It was not the Grand Duke's fault if the Countess
+of Rosenthal did not ascend the throne of Hanau. There was an
+insurmountable obstacle. Then the precipitate departure of the
+ambassador of Saxe-Tolpelhausen was an affront which demanded instant
+vengeance. And the Grand Duke Leopold was a most estimable sovereign,
+skilful, energetic, and blessed with wise councillors; the Princess
+Wilhelmina liked him, and thought nothing could compare, for
+pleasantness, with his lively court, where all the men were amiable,
+and all the women charming. These various motives duly weighed, the
+Prince made up his mind, and next day was signed the marriage-contract
+of the Grand Duke of Niesenstein and the Princess Wilhelmina of Hanau.
+
+Three days later the marriage itself was celebrated.
+
+The play was played out.
+
+The actors had performed their parts with wit, intelligence, and a noble
+disinterestedness. They took their leave of the Grand Duke, leaving him
+with a rich and pretty wife, a powerful brother-in-law, a serviceable
+alliance, and a commercial treaty which could not fail to replenish his
+treasury.
+
+Embassies, special missions, banishment, were alleged to the Grand
+Duchess as the causes of their departure. Then an amnesty was published
+on the occasion of the marriage; the gates of the fortress of
+Zwingenberg opened, and the former courtiers resumed their respective
+posts.
+
+The reviving fortunes of the Grand Duke were a sure guarantee of their
+fidelity.
+
+
+
+
+THE OLD GENTLEMAN'S TEETOTUM.
+
+[_MAGA._ AUGUST 1829.]
+
+
+At the foot of the long range of the Mendip hills, standeth a village,
+which, for obvious reasons, we shall conceal the precise locality of, by
+bestowing thereon the appellation of Stockwell. It lieth in a nook, or
+indentation, of the mountain; and its population may be said, in more
+than one sense of the word, to be extremely dense, being confined within
+narrow limits by rocky and sterile ground, and a brawling stream, which
+ever and anon assumes the aspect of an impetuous river, and then
+dwindles away into a plaything for the little boys to hop over. The
+principal trade of the Stockwellites is in coals, which certain of the
+industrious operative natives sedulously employ themselves in extracting
+from our mother earth, while others are engaged in conveying the "black
+diamonds" to various adjacent towns, in carts of sundry shapes and
+dimensions. The horses engaged in this traffic are of the Rosinante
+species, and, too often, literally raw-boned; insomuch, that it is
+sometimes a grievous sight to see them tugging, and a woful thing to
+hear their masters swearing, when mounting a steep ascent with one of
+the aforesaid loads.
+
+Wherever a civilised people dwell, there must be trade; and,
+consequently, Stockwell hath its various artisans, who ply, each in his
+vocation, to supply the wants of others; and, moreover, it hath its inn,
+or public house, a place of no small importance, having for its sign a
+swinging creaking board, whereon is emblazoned the effigy of a roaring,
+red, and rampant Lion. High towering above the said Lion, are the
+branches of a solitary elm, the foot of which is encircled by a seat,
+especially convenient for those guests whose taste it is to "blow a
+cloud" in the open air; and it is of two individuals, who were much
+given thereon to enjoy their "_otium cum dignitate_," that we are about
+to speak.
+
+George Syms had long enjoyed a monopoly in the shoemaking and cobbling
+line (though latterly two oppositionists had started against him), and
+Peter Brown was a man well to do in the world, being "the man wot" shod
+the raw-boned horses before mentioned, "him and his father, and
+grandfather," as the parish-clerk said, "for time immemorial." These two
+worthies were regaling themselves, as was their wonted custom, each with
+his pint, upon a small table, which was placed, for their accommodation,
+before the said bench. It was a fine evening in the last autumn; and we
+could say a great deal about the beautiful tints which the beams of the
+setting sun shed upon the hills' side, and undulating distant outline,
+and how the clouds appeared of a fiery red, and, anon, of a pale yellow,
+had we leisure for description; but neither George Syms nor Peter Brown
+heeded these matters, and our present business is with them.
+
+They had discussed all the village news--the last half of the last pipe
+had been puffed in silence, and they were reduced to the dilemma wherein
+many a brace of intimate friends have found themselves--they had nothing
+to talk about. Each had observed three times that it was very hot, and
+each had responded three times--"Yes, it is." They were at a perfect
+stand-still--they shook out the ashes from their pipes, and yawned
+simultaneously. They felt that indulgence, however grateful, is apt to
+cloy, even under the elm-tree, and the red rampant lion. But, as Doctor
+Watts says,
+
+     "Satan finds some mischief still,
+     For idle hands to do,"
+
+and they agreed to have "another pint," which Sally, who was ever ready
+at their bidding, brought forthwith, and then they endeavoured to rally;
+but the effort was vain--the thread of conversation was broken, and they
+could not connect it, and so they sipped and yawned, till Peter Brown
+observed, "It is getting dark."--"Ay," replied George Syms.
+
+At this moment an elderly stranger, of a shabby-genteel appearance,
+approached the Lion, and inquired the road to an adjoining village.
+"You are late, sir," said George Syms.--"Yes," replied the stranger,
+"I am;" and he threw himself on the bench, and took off his hat, and
+wiped his forehead, and observed, that it was very sultry, and he was
+quite tired.--"This is a good house," said Peter Brown; "and if you
+are not obliged to go on, I wouldn't if I were you."--"It makes
+little difference to me," replied the stranger; "and so, as I find
+myself in good company, here goes!" and he began to call about him,
+notwithstanding his shabby appearance, with the air of one who has money
+in his pocket to pay his way.--"Three make good company," observed Peter
+Brown.--"Ay, ay," said the stranger. "Holla there! bring me another
+pint! This walk has made me confoundedly thirsty. You may as well make
+it a pot--and be quick!"
+
+Messrs Brown and Syms were greatly pleased with this additional guest
+at their symposium; and the trio sat and talked of the wind, and the
+weather, and the roads, and the coal trade, and drank and smoked to
+their hearts' content, till again time began to hang heavy, and then the
+stranger asked the two friends, if ever they played at teetotum.--"Play
+at what?" asked Peter Brown.--"Play at what?" inquired George Syms.--"At
+tee-to-tum," replied the stranger, gravely taking a pair of spectacles
+from one pocket of his waistcoat, and the machine in question from the
+other. "It is an excellent game, I assure you. Rare sport, my masters!"
+and he forthwith began to spin his teetotum upon the table, to the no
+small diversion of George Syms and Peter Brown, who opined that the
+potent ale of the ramping Red Lion had done its office. "Only see how
+the little fellow runs about!" cried the stranger, in apparent ecstasy.
+"Holla, there! Bring a lantern! There he goes, round and round--and now
+he's asleep--and now he begins to reel--wiggle waggle--down he tumbles!
+What colour, for a shilling?"--"I don't understand the game," said Peter
+Brown.--"Nor I, neither," quoth George Syms; "but it seems easy enough
+to learn."--"Oh, ho!" said the stranger; "you think so, do you? But,
+let me tell you, that there's a great deal more in it than you imagine.
+There he is, you see, with as many sides as a modern politician, and as
+many colours as an Algerine. Come, let us have a game! This is the way!"
+and he again set the teetotum in motion, and capered about in exceeding
+glee.--"He, he, he!" uttered George Syms; and "Ha, ha, ha!" exclaimed
+Peter Brown; and, being wonderfully tickled with the oddity of the
+thing, they were easily persuaded by the stranger just to take a game
+together for five minutes, while he stood by as umpire, with a
+stop-watch in his hand.
+
+Nothing can be much easier than spinning a teetotum, yet our two
+Stockwellites could scarcely manage the thing for laughing; but the
+stranger stood by, with spectacles on nose, looking alternately at his
+watch and the table, with as much serious interest as though he had been
+witnessing, and was bound to furnish, a report of a prize-fight, or a
+debate in the House of Commons.
+
+When precisely five minutes had elapsed, although it was Peter Brown's
+spin, and the teetotum was yet going its rounds, and George Syms had
+called out yellow, the old gentleman demurely took it from the table and
+put it in his pocket; and then, returning his watch to his fob, walked
+away into the Red Lion, without saying so much as good-night. The two
+friends looked at each other in surprise, and then indulged in a very
+loud and hearty fit of laughter; and then paid their reckoning, and went
+away, exceedingly merry, which they would not have been, had they
+understood properly what they had been doing.
+
+In the meanwhile the stranger had entered the house, and began to be
+"very funny" with Mrs Philpot, the landlady of the Red Lion, and Sally,
+the purveyor of beer to the guests thereof; and he found it not very
+difficult to persuade them likewise to take a game at teetotum for five
+minutes, which he terminated in the same unceremonious way as that under
+the tree, and then desired to be shown the room wherein he was to sleep.
+Mrs Philpot immediately, contrary to her usual custom, jumped up with
+great alacrity, lighted a candle, and conducted her guest to his
+apartment; while Sally, contrary to _her_ usual custom, reclined herself
+in her mistress's great arm-chair, yawned three or four times, and then
+exclaimed, "Heigho! it's getting very late! I wish my husband would come
+home!"
+
+Now, although we have a very mean opinion of those who cannot keep a
+secret of importance, we are not fond of useless mysteries, and
+therefore think proper to tell the reader that the teetotum in question
+had the peculiar property of causing those who played therewith to lose
+all remembrance of their former character, and to adopt that of their
+antagonists in the game. During the process of spinning, the personal
+identity of the two players was completely changed. Now, on the evening
+of this memorable day, Jacob Philpot, the landlord of the rampant Red
+Lion, had spent a few convivial hours with mine host of the Blue Boar,
+a house on the road-side, about two miles from Stockwell; and the two
+publicans had discussed the ale, grog, and tobacco in the manner
+customary with Britons, whose insignia are roaring rampant red lions,
+green dragons, blue boars, &c. Therefore, when Jacob came home, he began
+to call about him, with the air of one who purposeth that his arrival
+shall be no secret; and very agreeably surprised was he when Mrs Philpot
+ran out from the house, and assisted him to dismount, for Jacob was
+somewhat rotund; and yet more did he marvel when, instead of haranguing
+him in a loud voice (as she had whilom done on similar occasions,
+greatly to his discomfiture), she good-humouredly said that she would
+lead his nag to the stable, and then go and call Philip the ostler.
+"Humph!" said the host of the Lion, leaning with his back against
+the door-post, "after a calm comes a storm. She'll make up for this
+presently, I'll warrant." But Mrs Philpot put up the horse, and called
+Philip, and then returned in peace and quietness, and attempted to pass
+into the house, without uttering a word to her lord and master.
+
+"What's the matter with you, my dear?" asked Jacob Philpot; "a'n't you
+well?"--"Yes, sir," replied Mrs Philpot, "very well, I thank you. But
+pray take away your leg, and let me go into the house."--"But didn't you
+think I was very late?" asked Jacob.--"Oh! I don't know," replied Mrs
+Philpot; "when gentlemen get together, they don't think how time goes."
+Poor Jacob was quite delighted, and, as it was dusk, and by no means, as
+he conceived, a scandalous proceeding, he forthwith put one arm round
+Mrs Philpot's neck, and stole a kiss, whereat she said, "Oh dear me! how
+could you think of doing such a thing?" and immediately squeezed herself
+past him, and ran into the house, where Sally sat, in the arm-chair
+before mentioned, with a handkerchief over her head, pretending to be
+asleep.
+
+"Come, my dear," said Jacob to his wife, "I'm glad to see you in such
+good-humour. You shall make me a glass of rum and water, and take some
+of it yourself."--"I must go into the back kitchen for some water,
+then," replied his wife, and away she ran, and Jacob followed her,
+marvelling still more at her unusual alacrity. "My dear," quoth he, "I
+am sorry to give you so much trouble," and again he put his arm round
+her neck. "La, sir!" she cried, "if you don't let me go, I'll call out,
+I declare."--"He, he--ha, ha!" said Jacob; "call out! that's a good one,
+however! a man's wife calling out because her husband's a-going to kiss
+her!"--"What do you mean?" asked Mrs Philpot; "I'm sure it's a shame to
+use a poor girl so!"--"A poor girl!" exclaimed the landlord, "ahem! was
+once, mayhap."--"I don't value your insinivations _that_," said Mrs
+Philpot, snapping her fingers; "I wonder what you take me for!"--"So
+ho!" thought her spouse, "she's come to herself now; I thought it was
+all a sham; but I'll coax her a bit;" so he fell in with her apparent
+whim, and called her a good girl; but still she resisted his advances,
+and asked him what he took her for. "Take you for!" cried Jacob, "why,
+for my own dear Sally to be sure, so don't make any more fuss."--"I have
+a great mind to run out of the house," said she, "and never enter it
+any more."
+
+This threat gave no sort of alarm to Jacob, but it somewhat tickled his
+fancy, and he indulged himself in a very hearty laugh, at the end of
+which he good-humouredly told her to go to bed, and he would follow her
+presently, as soon as he had looked after his horse, and pulled off his
+boots. This proposition was no sooner made, than the good man's ears
+were suddenly grasped from behind, and his head was shaken and twisted
+about, as though it had been the purpose of the assailant to wrench it
+from his shoulders. Mrs Philpot instantly made her escape from the
+kitchen, leaving her spouse in the hands of the enraged Sally, who,
+under the influence of the teetotum delusion, was firmly persuaded that
+she was justly inflicting wholesome discipline upon her husband, whom
+she had, as she conceived, caught in the act of making love to the maid.
+Sally was active and strong, and Jacob Philpot was, as before hinted,
+somewhat obese, and, withal, not in excellent "wind;" consequently it
+was some time ere he could disengage himself; and then he stood panting
+and blowing, and utterly lost in astonishment, while Sally saluted him
+with divers appellations, which it would not be seemly here to set down.
+
+When Jacob did find his tongue, however, he answered her much in the
+same style; and added, that he had a great mind to lay a stick about
+her back. "What! strike a woman! Eh--would you, you coward?" and
+immediately she darted forward, and, as she termed it, put her mark upon
+him with her nails, whereby his rubicund countenance was greatly
+disfigured, and his patience entirely exhausted: but Sally was too
+nimble, and made her escape up-stairs. So the landlord of the Red Lion,
+having got rid of the two mad or drunken women, very philosophically
+resolved to sit down for half an hour by himself, to think over the
+business, while he took his "night-cap." He had scarcely brewed the
+ingredients, when he was roused by a rap at the window; and, in answer
+to his inquiry of "who's there?" he recognised the voice of his
+neighbour, George Syms, and, of course, immediately admitted him; for
+George was a good customer, and, consequently, welcome at all hours. "My
+good friend," said Syms, "I daresay you are surprised to see me here at
+this time of night; but I can't get into my own house. My wife is drunk,
+I believe."--"And so is mine," quoth the landlord; "so, sit you down and
+make yourself comfortable. Hang me if I think I'll go to bed to-night!"
+"No more will I," said Syms; "I've got a job to do early in the morning,
+and then I shall be ready for it." So the two friends sat down, and had
+scarcely begun to enjoy themselves, when another rap was heard at the
+window, and mine host recognised the voice of Peter Brown, who came
+with the same complaint against his wife, and was easily persuaded to
+join the party, each declaring that the women must have contrived to
+meet, during their absence from home, and all get fuddled together.
+Matters went on pleasantly enough for some time, while they continued to
+rail against the women; but, when that subject was exhausted, George
+Syms, the shoemaker, began to talk about shoeing horses; and Peter
+Brown, the blacksmith, averred that he could make a pair of jockey boots
+with any man for fifty miles round. The host of the rampant Red Lion
+considered these things at first as a sort of joke, which he had no
+doubt, from such good customers, was exceedingly good, though he could
+not exactly comprehend it; but when Peter Brown answered to the name of
+George Syms, and George Syms responded to that of Peter Brown, he was
+somewhat more bewildered, and could not help thinking that his guests
+had drunk quite enough. He, however, satisfied himself with the
+reflection that that was no business of his, and that "a man must live
+by his trade." With the exception of these apparent occasional cross
+purposes, conversation went on as well as could be expected under
+existing circumstances; and the three unfortunate husbands sat and
+talked, and drank, and smoked, till tired nature cried, "Hold, enough!"
+
+In the meanwhile, Mrs George Syms, who had been much scandalised at the
+appearance of Peter Brown beneath her bedroom window, whereinto he
+vehemently solicited admittance, altogether in the most public and
+unblushing manner; she, poor soul! lay for an hour much disturbed in her
+mind, and pondering on the extreme impropriety of Mr Brown's conduct,
+and its probable consequences. She then began to wonder where her own
+goodman could be staying so late; and after much tossing and tumbling to
+and fro, being withal a woman of a warm imagination, she discerned in
+her mind's eye divers scenes which might probably be then acting, and in
+which George Syms appeared to be taking a part that did not at all meet
+her approbation. Accordingly she arose, and throwing her garments about
+her with a degree of elegant negligence for which the ladies of
+Stockwell have long been celebrated, she incontinently went to the house
+of Peter Brown, at whose bedroom window she perceived a head. With the
+intuitive knowledge of costume possessed by ladies in general, she
+instantly, through the murky night, discovered that the cap on the said
+head was of the female gender; and therefore boldly went up thereunto
+and said, "Mrs Brown, have you seen anything of my husband?"--"What!"
+exclaimed Mrs Brown, "haven't _you_ seen him? Well, I'd have you see
+after him pretty quickly, for he was here, just where you stand now,
+more than two hours ago, talking all manner of nonsense to me, and
+calling me his dear Betsy, so that I was quite ashamed of him! But,
+howsomever, you needn't be uneasy about me, for you know I wouldn't do
+anything improper on no account. But have you seen anything of my
+Peter?"--"I _believe_ I have," replied Mrs Syms, and immediately related
+the scandalous conduct of the smith beneath her window; and then the two
+ladies agreed to sally forth in search of their two "worthless,
+good-for-nothing, drunken husbands."
+
+Now it is a custom with those who get their living by carrying coal,
+when they are about to convey it to any considerable distance, to
+commence their journey at such an hour as to reach the first turnpike a
+little after midnight, that they may be enabled to go out and return
+home within the twenty-four hours, and thus save the expense of the
+toll, which they would otherwise have to pay twice. This is the secret
+of those apparently lazy fellows whom the Bath ladies and dandies
+sometimes view with horror and surprise, sleeping in the day-time, in,
+on, or under carts, benches, or waggons. It hath been our lot, when in
+the city of waters, to hear certain of these theoretical "political
+economists" remark somewhat harshly on this mode of taking a siesta. We
+should recommend them henceforth to attend to the advice of Peter
+Pindar, and--
+
+     "Mind what they read in godly books,
+     And not take people by their looks;"
+
+for they would not be pleased to be judged in that manner themselves;
+and the poor fellows in question have generally been travelling all
+night, not in a mail-coach, but walking over rough roads, and assisting
+their weary and overworked cavalry up and down a succession of steep
+hills.
+
+In consequence of this practice, the two forsaken matrons encountered
+Moses Brown, a first cousin of Peter's, who had just despatched his
+waggoner on a commercial enterprise of the description just alluded to.
+Moses had heard voices as he passed the Lion; and being somewhat of a
+curious turn, had discovered, partly by listening, and partly by the aid
+of certain cracks, holes, and ill-fitting joints in the shutters, who
+the gentlemen were whose goodwill and pleasure it was "to vex the dull
+ear of night" with their untimely mirth. Moses, moreover, was a meek
+man, and professed to be extremely sorry for the two good women who had
+two such roaring, rattling blades for their husbands: for, by this time,
+the bacchanalians, having exhausted their conversational powers, had
+commenced a series of songs. So, under his guidance, the ladies
+reconnoitred the drunken trio through the cracks, holes, and ill-fitting
+joints aforesaid.
+
+Poor George Syms was by this time regularly "done up," and dozing in his
+chair; but Peter Brown, the smith, was still in his glory, and singing
+in no small voice a certain song, which was by no means fitting to be
+chanted in the ear of his spouse. As for Jacob Philpot, the landlord, he
+sat erect in his chair with the dogged resolution of a man who feels
+that he is at his post, and is determined to be "no starter." At this
+moment Sally made her appearance in the room, in the same sort of
+dishabille as that worn by the ladies at the window, and commenced a
+very unceremonious harangue to George Syms and Peter Brown, telling them
+that they ought to be ashamed of themselves not to have been at home
+hours ago; "as for this fellow," said she, giving poor Philpot a
+tremendous box on the ear, "I'll make him remember it, I'll warrant."
+Jacob hereupon arose in great wrath; but ere he could ascertain
+precisely the exact centre of gravity, Sally settled his position by
+another cuff, which made his eyes twinkle, and sent him reeling back
+into his seat. Seeing these things, the ladies without began, as
+fox-hunters say, to "give tongue," and vociferously demanded admittance;
+whereupon Mrs Philpot put her head out from a window above, and told
+them that she would be down and let them in in a minute, and that it was
+a great pity gentlemen should ever get too much beer: and then she
+popped in her head, and in less than the stipulated time, ran down
+stairs and opened the street door; and so the wives were admitted to
+their delinquent husbands; but meek Moses Brown went his way, having a
+wife at home, and having no desire to abide the storm which he saw was
+coming.
+
+Peter Brown was, as we said before, in high feather; and therefore, when
+he saw Mrs Syms, whom he (acting under the teetotum delusion) mistook
+for the wife of his own particular bosom, he gaily accosted her, "Ah,
+old girl!--Is it you? What! you've come to your senses, eh? slept it
+off, I suppose. Well, well; never mind! Forgive and forget, I say. I
+never saw you so before, I will say _that_ for you, however. So give us
+a buss, old girl! and let us go home;" and without ceremony he began to
+suit the action to the word, whereupon the real Mrs Brown flew to Mrs
+Syms' assistance, and by hanging round Peter's neck, enabled her friend
+to escape. Mrs Syms, immediately she was released, began to shake up her
+drowsy George, who, immediately he opened his eyes, scarcely knowing
+where he was, marvelled much to find himself thus handled by, as he
+supposed, his neighbour's wife; but with the maudlin cunning of a
+drunken man, he thought it was an excellent joke, and therefore threw
+his arms round her, and began to hug her with a wondrous and unusual
+degree of fondness, whereby the poor woman was much affected, and called
+him her dear George, and said she knew it was not his fault, but "all
+along of that brute," pointing to Peter Brown, that he had drunk himself
+into such a state. "Come along, my dear," she concluded, "let us go and
+leave him--I don't care if I never see him any more."
+
+The exasperation of Peter Brown, at seeing and hearing, as he imagined,
+his own wife act and speak in this shameful manner before his face, may
+be "more easily imagined than described;" but his genuine wife, who
+belonged, as he conceived, to the drunken man, hung so close about his
+neck that he found it impossible to escape. George Syms, however, was
+utterly unable to rise, and sat, with an idiot-like simper upon his
+face, as if giving himself up to a pleasing delusion, while his wife was
+patting, and coaxing, and wheedling him in every way, to induce him to
+get upon his legs and try to go home. At length, as he vacantly stared
+about, he caught a glimpse of Mrs Brown, whom, to save repetition, we
+may as well call his teetotum wife, hanging about his neighbour's neck.
+This sight effectually roused him, and before Mrs Syms was aware of his
+intention, he started up and ran furiously at Peter Brown, who received
+him much in the manner that might be expected, with a salutation in
+"the bread-basket," which sent him reeling on the floor. As a matter of
+course, Mrs Syms took the part of her fallen husband, and put her mark
+upon Mr Peter Brown; and, as a matter of course, Mrs Peter Brown took
+the part of her spouse, and commenced an attack on Mrs Syms.
+
+In the meanwhile Sally had not been idle. After chastening Jacob Philpot
+to her heart's content, she, with the assistance of Mrs Philpot and
+Philip the hostler, who was much astonished to hear her "order the
+mistress about," conveyed him up-stairs, where he was deposited, as he
+was, upon a spare bed, to "take his chance," as she said, "and sleep
+off his drunken fit." Sally then returned to the scene of strife, and
+desired the "company" to go about their business, for she should not
+allow anything more to be "called for" that night. Having said this with
+an air of authority, she left the room; and though Mrs Syms and Mrs
+Brown were greatly surprised thereat, they said nothing, inasmuch as
+they were somewhat ashamed of their own appearance, and had matters of
+more importance than Sally's eccentricity to think of, as Mrs Syms had
+been cruelly wounded in her new shawl, which she had imprudently thrown
+over her shoulders; and the left side of the lace on Mrs Brown's cap had
+been torn away in the recent conflict. Mrs Philpot, enacting her part
+as the teetotum Sally of the night, besought the ladies to go home,
+and leave the gentlemen to sleep where they were--_i.e._ upon the
+floor--till the morning: for Peter Brown, notwithstanding the noise
+he had made, was as incapable of standing as the quieter George Syms.
+So the women dragged them into separate corners of the room, placed
+pillows under their heads, and threw a blanket over each, and then left
+them to repose. The two disconsolate wives each forthwith departed to
+her own lonely pillow, leaving Mrs Philpot particularly puzzled at the
+deference with which they had treated her, by calling her "Madam," as
+if she was mistress of the house.
+
+Leaving them all to their slumbers, we must now say a word or two
+about the teetotum, the properties of which were to change people's
+characters, spinning the mind of one man or woman into the body of
+another. The duration of the delusion, caused by this droll game of
+the old gentleman's, depended upon the length of time spent in the
+diversion; and five minutes was the specific period for causing it
+to last till the next sunrise or sunset _after_ the change had been
+effected. Therefore, when the morning came, Mrs Philpot and Sally, and
+Peter Brown and George Syms, all came to their senses. The two latter
+went quietly home, with aching heads and very confused recollections of
+the preceding evening; and shortly after their departure Mrs Philpot
+awoke in great astonishment at finding herself in the garret; and Sally
+was equally surprised, and much alarmed, at finding herself in her
+mistress's room, from which she hastened in quick time, leaving all
+things in due order.
+
+The elderly stranger made his appearance soon after, and appeared to
+have brushed up his shabby-genteel clothes, for he really looked much
+more respectable than on the preceding evening. He ordered his
+breakfast, and sat down thereto very quietly, and asked for the
+newspaper, and pulled out his spectacles, and began to con the politics
+of the day much at his ease, no one having the least suspicion that he
+and his teetotum had been the cause of all the uproar at the Red Lion.
+In due time the landlord made his appearance, with sundry marks of
+violence upon his jolly countenance, and, after due obeisance made to
+his respectable-looking guest, took the liberty of telling his spouse
+that he should insist upon her sending Sally away, for that he had never
+been so mauled since he was born; but Mrs Philpot told him that he ought
+to be ashamed of himself, and she was very glad the girl had spirit
+enough to protect herself, and that she wouldn't part with her on any
+account. She then referred to what had passed in the back kitchen,
+taking to herself the credit of having inflicted that punishment which
+had been administered by the hands of Sally.
+
+Jacob Philpot was now more than ever convinced that his wife had been
+paying her respects to a huge stone bottle of rum which stood in the
+closet; and he "made bold" to tell her his thoughts, whereat Mrs Philpot
+thought fit to put herself into a tremendous passion, although she could
+not help fearing that, perhaps, she might have taken a drop too much of
+something, for she was unable, in any other manner, to account for
+having slept in the garret.
+
+The elderly stranger now took upon himself to recommend mutual
+forgiveness, and stated that it was really quite pardonable for any one
+to take a little too much of such very excellent ale as that at the Red
+Lion. "For my own part," said he, "I don't know whether I didn't get a
+trifle beyond the mark myself last night. But I hope, madam, I did not
+annoy you."
+
+"Oh dear, no, not at all, sir," replied Mrs Philpot, whose good-humour
+was restored at this compliment paid to the good cheer of the Lion; "you
+were exceedingly pleasant, I assure you--just enough to make you funny:
+we had a hearty laugh about the teetotum, you know."--"Ah!" said the
+stranger, "I guess how it was then. I always introduce the teetotum when
+I want to be merry."
+
+Jacob Philpot expressed a wish to understand the game, and after
+spinning it two or three times, proposed to take his chance, for five
+minutes, with the stranger; but the latter, laughing heartily, would by
+no means agree with the proposition, and declared that it would be
+downright cheating, as he was an overmatch for any beginner. "However,"
+he continued, "as soon as any of your neighbours come in, I'll put you
+in the way of it, and we'll have some of your ale now, just to pass the
+time. It will do neither of us any harm after last night's affair, and I
+want to have some talk with you about the coal trade."
+
+They accordingly sat down together, and the stranger displayed
+considerable knowledge in the science of mining; and Jacob was so much
+delighted with his companion, that an hour or two slipped away, as he
+said, "in no time;" and then there was heard the sound of a horse's feet
+at the door, and a somewhat authoritative hillo!
+
+"It is our parson," said Jacob, starting up, and he ran to the door to
+inquire what might be his reverence's pleasure. "Good morning," said the
+Reverend Mr Stanhope. "I'm going over to dine with our club at the Old
+Boar, and I want you just to cast your eye on those fellows in my home
+close; you can see them out of your parlour window."--"Yes, to be sure,
+sir," replied Jacob.--"Hem!" quoth Mr Stanhope, "have you anybody
+indoors?"--"Yes, sir, we have," replied Jacob, "a strange gentleman, who
+seems to know a pretty deal about mining and them sort of things. I
+think he's some great person in disguise; he seems regularly
+edicated--up to everything," "Eh, ah! a great person in disguise!"
+exclaimed Mr Stanhope. "I'll just step in a minute. It seems as if there
+was a shower coming over, and I'm in no hurry, and it is not worth while
+to get wet through for the sake of a few minutes." So he alighted from
+his horse, soliloquising to himself, "Perhaps the Lord Chancellor! Who
+knows? However, I shall take care to show my principles;" and
+straightway he went into the house, and was most respectfully saluted by
+the elderly stranger; and they entered into a conversation upon the
+standing English topics of weather, wind, crops, and the coal trade;
+and Mr Stanhope contrived to introduce therein sundry unkind things
+against the Pope and all his followers; and avowed himself a stanch
+"church-and-king" man, and spake enthusiastically of our "glorious
+constitution," and lauded divers individuals then in power, but more
+particularly those who studied the true interests of the Church, by
+seeking out and preferring men of merit and talent to fill vacant
+benefices. The stranger thereat smiled significantly, as though he
+could, if he felt disposed, say something to the purpose; and Mr
+Stanhope felt more inclined than ever to think the landlord might have
+conjectured very near the truth, and, consequently, redoubled his
+efforts to make the agreeable, professing his regret at being obliged
+to dine out that day, &c. The stranger politely thanked him for his
+consideration, and stated that he was never at a loss for employment,
+and that he was then rambling, for a few days, to relax his mind from
+the fatigues of an overwhelming mass of important business, to which his
+duty compelled him to attend early and late. "Perhaps," he continued,
+"you will smile when I tell you that I am now engaged in a series of
+experiments relative to the power of the centrifugal force, and its
+capacity of overcoming various degrees of friction." (Here he produced
+the teetotum.) "You perceive the different surfaces of the under edge of
+this little thing. The outside, you see, is all of ivory, but indented
+in various ways; and yet I have not been able to decide whether the
+roughest or smoothest more frequently arrest its motions. The colours,
+of course, are merely indications. Here is my register," and he produced
+a book, wherein divers abstruse mathematical calculations were apparent.
+"I always prefer other people to spin it, as then I obtain a variety of
+impelling power. Perhaps you will do me the favour just to twirl it
+round a few times alternately with the landlord? Two make a fairer
+experiment than one. Just for five minutes. I'll not trouble you a
+moment longer, I promise you."--"Hem!" thought Mr Stanhope.
+
+     "Learned men, now and then,
+     Have very strange vagaries!"
+
+However, he commenced spinning the teetotum, turn and turn with Jacob
+Philpot, who was highly delighted both with the drollery of the thing,
+and the honour of playing with the parson of the parish, and laughed
+most immoderately, while the stranger stood by, looking at his
+stop-watch as demurely as on the preceding evening, until the five
+minutes had expired; and then, in the middle of the Rev. Mr Stanhope's
+spin, he took up the little toy and put it into his pocket.
+
+Jacob Philpot immediately arose, and shook the stranger warmly by the
+hand, and told him that he should be happy to see him whenever he came
+that way again; and then nodding to Mr Stanhope and the landlady, went
+out at the front door, mounted the horse that stood there, and rode
+away. "Where's the fellow going?" cried Mrs Philpot; "Hillo! Jacob, I
+say!"--"Well, mother," said the Reverend Mr Stanhope, "what's the matter
+now?" but Mrs Philpot had reached the front of the house, and continued
+to shout "Hillo! hillo, come back, I tell you!"--"That woman is always
+doing some strange thing or other," observed Mr Stanhope to the
+stranger. "What on earth can possess her to go calling after the parson
+in that manner?"--"I declare he's rode off with Squire Jones's horse,"
+cried Mrs Philpot, re-entering the house. "To be sure he has," said Mr
+Stanhope; "he borrowed it on purpose to go to the Old Boar."--"Did he?"
+exclaimed the landlady; "and without telling me a word about it! But
+I'll Old Boar him, I promise you!"--"Don't make such a fool of yourself,
+mother," said the parson; "it can't signify twopence to you where he
+goes."--"Can't it?" rejoined Mrs Philpot. "I'll tell you what, your
+worship----"--"Don't worship me, woman," exclaimed the teetotum landlord
+parson; "worship! what nonsense now! Why, you've been taking your drops
+again this morning, I think. Worship, indeed! To be sure, I did once,
+like a fool, promise to worship _you_; but if my time was to come over
+again, I know what----But, never mind now--don't you see it's twelve
+o'clock? Come, quick, let us have what there is to eat, and then we'll
+have a comfortable pipe under the tree. What say you, sir?"--"With all
+my heart," replied the elderly stranger. Mrs Philpot could make nothing
+of the parson's speech about worshipping her; but the order for
+something to eat was very distinct; and though she felt much surprised
+thereat, as well as at the proposed smoking under the tree, she,
+nevertheless, was much gratified that so unusual an order should be
+given on that particular day, as she had a somewhat better dinner than
+usual, namely, a leg of mutton upon the spit. Therefore she bustled
+about with exceeding goodwill, and Sally spread a clean cloth upon the
+table in the little parlour for the parson and the strange old
+gentleman; and when the mutton was placed upon the table, the latter
+hoped they should have the pleasure of Mrs Philpot's company; but she
+looked somewhat doubtfully till the parson said, "Come, come, mother,
+don't make a bother about it; sit down, can't you, when the gentleman
+bids you." Therefore she smoothed her apron and made one at the
+dinner-table, and conducted herself with so much precision that the
+teetotum parson looked upon her with considerable surprise, while she
+regarded him with no less, inasmuch as he talked in a very unclerical
+manner; and, among other strange things, swore that his wife was as
+"drunk as blazes" the night before, and winked at her, and behaved
+altogether in a style very unbecoming a minister in his own parish.
+
+At one o'clock there was a great sensation caused in the village of
+Stockwell, by the appearance of their reverend pastor and the elderly
+stranger, sitting on the bench which went round the tree, which stood
+before the sign of the roaring rampant Red Lion, each with a long pipe
+in his mouth, blowing clouds, which would not have disgraced the most
+inveterate smoker of the "black diamond" fraternity, and ever and anon
+moistening their clay with "heavy wet," from tankards placed upon a
+small table, which Mrs Philpot had provided for their accommodation. The
+little boys and girls first approached within a respectful distance, and
+then ran away giggling to tell their companions; and they told their
+mothers, who came and peeped likewise; and many were diverted, and many
+were scandalised at the sight: yet the parson seemed to care for none
+of these things, but cracked his joke, and sipped his ale, and smoked
+his pipe, with as much easy nonchalance as if he had been in his own
+arm-chair at the rectory. Yet it must be confessed that now and then
+there was a sort of equivocal remark made by him, as though he had some
+faint recollection of his former profession, although he evinced not the
+smallest sense of shame at the change which had been wrought in him.
+Indeed this trifling imperfection in the change of identity appears to
+have attended such transformations in general, and might have arisen
+from the individual bodies retaining their own clothes (for the mere
+fashion of dress hath a great influence on some minds), or, perhaps,
+because a profession or trade, with the habits thereof, cannot be
+entirely shaken off, nor a new one perfectly learned, by spinning a
+teetotum for five minutes. The time had now arrived when George Syms,
+the shoemaker, and Peter Brown, the blacksmith, were accustomed to take
+their "pint and pipe after dinner," and greatly were they surprised to
+see their places so occupied; and not a little was their astonishment
+increased, when the parson lifted up his voice, and ordered Sally to
+bring out a couple of chairs, and then shook them both warmly by the
+hand, and welcomed them by the affectionate appellation of "My
+hearties!" He then winked, and in an under-tone began to sing--
+
+     "Though I'm tied to a crusty old woman,
+       Much given to scolding and jealousy,
+     I know that the case is too common,
+       And so I will ogle each girl I see.
+                               Tol de rol, lol, &c.
+
+"Come, my lads!" he resumed, "sit you down, and clap half a yard of
+clay into your mouths." The two worthy artisans looked at each other
+significantly, or rather insignificantly, for they knew not what to
+think, and did as they were bid. "Come, why don't you talk?" said the
+teetotum parson landlord, after a short silence. "You're as dull as a
+couple of tom-cats with their ears cut off--talk, man, talk--there's no
+doing nothing without talking." This last part of his speech seemed more
+particularly addressed to Peter Brown, who, albeit a man of a sound
+head, and well skilled in such matters as appertained unto iron and the
+coal trade, had not been much in the habit of mixing with the clergy:
+therefore he felt, for a moment, as he said, "non-plushed;" but
+fortunately he recollected the Catholic question, about which most
+people were then talking, and which everybody professed to understand.
+Therefore, he forthwith introduced the subject; and being well aware of
+the parson's bias, and having, moreover, been told that he had written
+a pamphlet; therefore (though, to do Peter Brown justice, he was not
+accustomed to read such publications) he scrupled not to give his
+opinion very freely, and concluded by taking up his pint and drinking a
+very unchristianlike malediction against the Pope. George Syms followed
+on the same side, and concluded in the same manner, adding thereunto,
+"Your good healths, gemmen."--"What a pack of nonsense!" exclaimed the
+parson. "I should like to know what harm the Pope can do us! I tell you
+what, my lads, it's all my eye and Betty Martin. Live and let live, I
+say. So long as I can get a good living, I don't care the toss of a
+halfpenny who's uppermost. For my part, I'd as soon live at the sign of
+the Mitre as the Lion, or mount the cardinal's hat for that matter, if I
+thought I could get anything by it. Look at home, say I. The Pope's an
+old woman, and so are they that are afraid of him." The elderly stranger
+here seemed highly delighted, and cried "Bravo!" and clapped the speaker
+on the back, and said, "That's your sort! Go it, my hearty!" But Peter
+Brown, who was one of the sturdy English old-fashioned school, and did
+not approve of hot and cold being blown out of the same mouth, took the
+liberty of telling the parson, in a very unceremonious way, that he
+seemed to have changed his opinions very suddenly. "Not I," said the
+other; "I was always of the same way of thinking."--"Then words have no
+meaning," observed George Syms, angrily, "for I heard you myself. You
+talked as loud about the wickedness of 'mancipation as ever I heard a
+man in my life, no longer ago than last Sunday."--"Then I must have been
+drunk--that's all I can say about the business," replied the other,
+coolly; and he began to fill his pipe with the utmost nonchalance, as
+though it was a matter of course. Such apparently scandalous conduct
+was, however, too much for the unsophisticated George Syms and Peter
+Brown, who simultaneously threw down their reckoning, and, much to their
+credit, left the turncoat reprobate parson to the company of the elderly
+gentleman.
+
+If we were to relate half the whimsical consequences of the teetotum
+tricks of this strange personage, we might fill volumes; but as it is
+not our intention to allow the detail to swell even into one, we must
+hastily sketch the proceedings of poor Jacob Philpot after he left the
+Red Lion to dine with sundry of the gentry and clergy at the Old Boar,
+in his new capacity of an ecclesiastic, in the outward form of a
+somewhat negligently-dressed landlord. He was accosted on the road by
+divers of his coal-carrying neighbours with a degree of familiarity
+which was exceedingly mortifying to his feelings. One told him to be
+home in time to take part of a gallon of ale that he had won of
+neighbour Smith; a second reminded him that to-morrow was club-night at
+the Nag's Head; and a third asked him where he had stolen his horse. At
+length he arrived, much out of humour, at the Old Boar, an inn of a very
+different description from the Red Lion, being a posting-house of no
+inconsiderable magnitude, wherein that day was to be holden the
+symposium of certain grandees of the adjacent country, as before hinted.
+
+The landlord, who happened to be standing at the door, was somewhat
+surprised at the formal manner with which Jacob Philpot greeted him and
+gave his horse into the charge of the hostler; but as he knew him only
+by sight, and had many things to attend to, he went his way without
+making any remark, and thus, unwittingly, increased the irritation of
+Jacob's new teetotum sensitive feelings. "Are any of the gentlemen come
+yet?" asked Jacob, haughtily, of one of the waiters. "What gentlemen?"
+quoth the waiter. "_Any_ of them," said Jacob--"Mr Wiggins, Doctor
+White, or Captain Pole?" At this moment a carriage drove up to the door,
+and the bells all began ringing, and the waiters ran to see who had
+arrived, and Jacob Philpot was left unheeded. "This is very strange
+conduct!" observed he; "I never met with such incivility in my life! One
+would think I was a dog!" Scarcely had this soliloquy terminated, when a
+lady, who had alighted from the carriage (leaving the gentleman who came
+with her to give some orders about the luggage), entered the inn, and
+was greatly surprised to find her delicate hand seized by the horny
+grasp of the landlord of the Red Lion, who addressed her as "Dear Mrs
+Wilkins," and vowed he was quite delighted at the unexpected pleasure
+of seeing her, and hoped the worthy rector was well, and all the dear
+little darlings. Mrs Wilkins disengaged her hand as quickly as
+possible, and made her escape into a room, the door of which was held
+open for her admittance by the waiter; and then the worthy rector made
+his appearance, followed by one of the "little darlings," whom Jacob
+Philpot, in the joy of his heart at finding himself once more among
+friends, snatched up in his arms, and thereby produced a bellowing which
+instantly brought the alarmed mother from her retreat. "What is that
+frightful man doing with the child?" she cried, and Jacob, who could
+scarcely believe his ears, was immediately deprived of his burden, while
+his particular friend, the worthy rector, looked upon him with a cold
+and vacant stare, and then retired into his room with his wife and the
+little darling, and Jacob was once more left to his own cogitations.
+"I see it!" he exclaimed, after a short pause, "I see it! This is the
+reward of rectitude of principle! This is the reward of undeviating and
+inflexible firmness of purpose! He has read my unanswerable pamphlet! I
+always thought there was a laxity of principle about him!" So Jacob
+forthwith walked into the open air to cool himself, and strolled round
+the garden of the inn, and meditated upon divers important subjects; and
+thus he passed his time till the hour of dinner, though he could not but
+keep occasionally wondering that some of his friends did not come down
+to meet him, since they must have seen him walking in the garden. His
+patience, however, was at length exhausted, and his appetite was
+exceedingly clamorous, partly, perhaps, because his _outward_ man had
+been used to dine at the plebeian hour of noon, while his inward man
+made a point of never taking anything more than a biscuit and a glass of
+wine between breakfast and five o'clock; and even that little modicum
+had been omitted on this fatal day, in consequence of the incivility of
+the people of the inn. "The dinner hour was five _precisely_," said he,
+looking at his watch, "and now it is half-past--but I'll wait a _little_
+longer. It's a bad plan to hurry them. It puts the cook out of humour,
+and then all goes wrong." Therefore he waited a little longer; that is
+to say, till the calls of absolute hunger became quite ungovernable, and
+then he went into the house, where the odour of delicate viands was
+quite provoking; so he followed the guidance of his nose and arrived
+in the large dining-room, where he found, to his great surprise and
+mortification, that the company were assembled, and the work of
+destruction had been going on for some time, as the second course had
+just been placed on the table. Jacob felt that the neglect with which he
+had been treated was "enough to make a parson swear;" and perhaps he
+would have sworn, but that he had no time to spare; and therefore, as
+all the seats at the upper end of the table were engaged, he deposited
+himself on a vacant chair about the centre, between two gentlemen with
+whom he had no acquaintance, and, spreading his napkin in his lap,
+demanded of a waiter what fish had gone out. The man replied only by a
+stare and a smile--a line of conduct which was by no means surprising,
+seeing that the most stylish part of Philpot's dress was, without
+dispute, the napkin aforesaid. For the rest, it was unlike the garb of
+the strange gentleman, inasmuch as that, though possibly entitled to the
+epithet shabby, it could not be termed genteel. "What's the fellow
+gaping at?" cried Jacob, in an angry voice; "go and tell your master
+that I want to speak to him directly. I don't understand such treatment.
+Tell him to come immediately! Do you hear?"
+
+The loud tone in which this was spoken aroused the attention of the
+company; and most of them cast a look of inquiry, first at the speaker
+and then round the table, as if to discern by whom the strange gentleman
+in the scarlet-and-yellow plush waistcoat and the dirty shirt might be
+patronised; but there were others who recognised the landlord of the Red
+Lion at Stockwell. The whole, however, were somewhat startled when he
+addressed them as follows:--"Really, gentlemen, I must say that a joke
+may be carried too far; and if it was not for my cloth" (here he handled
+the napkin), "I declare I don't know how I might act. I have been
+walking in the garden for these two hours, and you _must_ have seen me.
+And now you stare at me as if you didn't know me! Really, gentlemen, it
+is too bad! I love a joke as well as any man, and can take one too; but,
+as I said before, a joke _may_ be carried too far."--"I think so too,"
+said the landlord of the Old Boar, tapping him on the shoulder; "so come
+along, and don't make a fool of yourself here."--"Fellow!" cried Jacob,
+rising in great wrath, "go your ways! Be off, I tell you! Mr Chairman,
+we have known each other now for a good many years, and you must be
+convinced that I can take a joke as well as any man; but human nature
+can endure this no longer. Mr Wiggins! Captain Pole! my good friend
+Doctor White! I appeal to you!" Here the gentlemen named looked
+especially astounded. "What! can it be possible that you have _all_
+agreed to cut me! Oh, no! I will not believe that political differences
+of opinion can run _quite_ so high. Come--let us have no more of this
+nonsense!"--"No, no, we've had quite enough of it," said the landlord of
+the Old Boar, pulling the chair from beneath the last speaker, who was
+consequently obliged again to be upon his legs, while there came, from
+various parts of the table, cries of "Chair! chair! Turn him
+out!"--"Man!" roared the teetotum parsonified landlord of the Red Lion,
+to the landlord of the Old Boar--"Man! you shall repent of this! If it
+wasn't for my cloth, I'd soon----."--"Come, give me the cloth!" said
+the other, snatching away the napkin, which Jacob had buttoned in his
+waistcoat, and thereby causing that garment to fly open and expose more
+of dirty linen and skin than is usually sported at a dinner-party. Poor
+Philpot's rage had now reached its acme, and he again appealed to the
+chairman by name. "Colonel Martin!" said he, "can you sit by and see me
+used thus? I am sure _you_ will not pretend that you don't know
+me!"--"Not I," replied the chairman; "I know you well enough, and a
+confounded impudent fellow you are. I'll tell you what, my lad, next
+time you apply for a licence, you shall hear of this." The landlord of
+the Old Boar was withal a kind-hearted man; and as he well knew that the
+loss of its licence would be ruin to the rampant Red Lion and all
+concerned therewith, he was determined that poor Philpot should be saved
+from destruction in spite of his teeth; therefore, without further
+ceremony, he, being a muscular man, laid violent hands upon the said
+Jacob, and, with the assistance of his waiters, conveyed him out of the
+room, in despite of much struggling, and sundry interjections concerning
+his "cloth." When they had deposited him safely in an arm-chair in "the
+bar," the landlady, who had frequently seen him before in his proper
+character--that of a civil man--who "knew his place" in society, very
+kindly offered him a cup of tea; and the landlord asked how he could
+think of making such a fool of himself; and the waiter, whom he had
+accosted on first entering the house, vouched for his not having had
+anything to eat or drink; whereupon they spoke of the remains of a
+turbot which had just come down-stairs, and a haunch of venison that was
+to follow. It is a sad thing to have a mind and body that are no match
+for each other. Jacob's outward man would have been highly gratified at
+the exhibition of these things, but the spirit of the parson was too
+mighty within, and spurned every offer, and the body was compelled to
+obey. So the horse that was borrowed of the squire was ordered out, and
+Jacob Philpot mounted and rode on his way in excessive irritation,
+growling vehemently at the insult and indignity which had been committed
+against the "cloth" in general, and his own person in particular.
+
+"The sun sunk beneath the horizon," as novelists say, when Jacob Philpot
+entered the village of Stockwell, and, as if waking from a dream, he
+suddenly started, and was much surprised to find himself on horseback;
+for the last thing that he recollected was going up-stairs at his own
+house, and composing himself for a nap, that he might be ready to join
+neighbour Scroggins and Dick Smith, when they came in the evening to
+drink the gallon of ale lost by the latter. "And, my eyes!" said he, "if
+I haven't got the squire's horse that the parson borrowed this morning.
+Well--it's very odd! however, the ride has done me a deal of good, for I
+feel as if I hadn't had anything all day, and yet I did pretty well too
+at the leg of mutton at dinner." Mrs Philpot received her lord and
+nominal master in no very gracious mood, and said she should like to
+know where he had been riding. "That's more than I can tell you,"
+replied Jacob; "however, I know I'm as hungry as a greyhound, though I
+never made a better dinner in my life."--"More shame for you," said Mrs
+Philpot; "I wish the Old Boar was a thousand miles off."--"What's the
+woman talking about?" quoth Jacob. "Eh! what! at it again, I suppose,"
+and he pointed to the closet containing the rum bottle. "Hush!" cried
+Mrs Philpot, "here's the parson coming down-stairs!"--"The parson!"
+exclaimed Jacob; "what's he been doing up-stairs, I should like to
+know?"--"He has been to take a nap on mistress's bed," said Sally. "The
+dickens he has! This is a pretty story," quoth Jacob. "How could I help
+it?" asked Mrs Philpot; "you should stay at home and look after your own
+business, and not go ramshackling about the country. You shan't hear the
+last of the Old Boar just yet, I promise you." To avoid the threatened
+storm, and satisfy the calls of hunger, Jacob made off to the larder,
+and commenced an attack upon the leg of mutton.
+
+At this moment the Reverend Mr Stanhope opened the little door at the
+foot of the stairs. On waking, and finding himself upon a bed, he had
+concluded that he must have fainted in consequence of the agitation of
+mind produced by the gross insults which he had suffered, or perhaps
+from the effects of hunger. Great, therefore, was his surprise to find
+himself at the Red Lion in his own parish; and the first questions he
+asked of Mrs Philpot were how and when he had been brought there. "La,
+sir!" said the landlady, "you went up-stairs of your own accord, after
+you were tired of smoking under the tree."--"Smoking under the tree,
+woman!" exclaimed Mr Stanhope; "what are you talking about? Do you
+recollect whom you are speaking to?" "Ay, marry, do I," replied the
+sensitive Mrs Philpot; "and you told Sally to call you when Scroggins
+and Smith came for their gallon of ale, as you meant to join the party."
+
+The Reverend Mr Stanhope straightway took up his hat, put it upon his
+head, and stalked with indignant dignity out of the house, opining that
+the poor woman was in her cups; and meditated, as he walked home, on the
+extraordinary affairs of the day. But his troubles were not yet ended,
+for the report of his public jollification had reached his own
+household; and John, his trusty man-servant, had been despatched to the
+Red Lion, and had ascertained that his master was really gone to bed in
+a state very unfit for a clergyman to be seen in. Some remarkably
+goodnatured friends had been to condole with Mrs Stanhope upon the
+extraordinary proceedings of her goodman, and to say how much they
+were shocked, and what a pity it was, and wondering what the bishop
+would think of it, and divers other equally amiable and consolatory
+reflections and notes of admiration. Now Mrs Stanhope, though she had
+much of the "milk of human kindness" in her composition, had withal a
+sufficient portion of "tartaric acid" mingled therewith. Therefore, when
+her beer-drinking husband made his appearance, he found her in a state
+of effervescence. "Mary," said he, "I am extremely fatigued. I have been
+exposed to-day to a series of insults, such as I could not have imagined
+it possible for any one to offer me."--"Nor anybody else," replied Mrs
+Stanhope; "but you are rightly served, and I am glad of it. Who could
+have supposed that you, the minister of a parish!--Faugh! how filthily
+you smell of tobacco! I vow I cannot endure to be in the room with you!"
+and she arose and left the divine to himself, in exceeding great
+perplexity. However, being a man who loved to do all things in order,
+he remembered that he had not dined, so he rang the bell and gave the
+needful instructions, thinking it best to satisfy nature first, and
+_then_ endeavour to ascertain the cause of his beloved Mary's acidity.
+His appetite was gone, but that he attributed to having fasted too long,
+a practice very unusual with him; however, he picked a bit here and
+there, and then indulged himself with a bottle of his oldest port, which
+he had about half consumed, and somewhat recovered his spirits, ere his
+dear Mary made her reappearance, and told him that she was perfectly
+astonished at his conduct. And well might she say so, for _now_, the
+wine, which he had been drinking with unusual rapidity, thinking, good
+easy man, that he had taken nothing all day, began to have a very
+visible effect upon a body already saturated with strong ale. He
+declared that he cared not a fig for the good opinion of any gentleman
+in the county, that he would always act and speak according to his
+principles, and filled a bumper to the health of the Lord Chancellor,
+and drank sundry more exceedingly loyal toasts, and told his astonished
+spouse, that he should not be surprised if he was very soon to be made a
+Dean or a Bishop; and as for the people at the Old Boar, he saw through
+their conduct--it was all envy, which doth "merit as its shade pursue."
+The good lady justly deemed it folly to waste her oratory upon a man in
+such a state, and reserved her powers for the next morning; and Mr
+Stanhope reeled to bed that night in a condition which, to do him
+justice, he had never before exhibited under his own roof.
+
+The next morning, Mrs Stanhope and her daughter Sophy, a promising young
+lady about ten years old, of the hoyden class, were at breakfast, when
+the elderly stranger called at the rectory, and expressed great concern
+on being told that Mr S. was somewhat indisposed, and had not yet made
+his appearance. He said that his business was of very little importance,
+and merely concerned some geological inquiries which he was prosecuting
+in the vicinity; but Mrs Stanhope, who had the names of all the ologies
+by heart, and loved occasionally to talk thereof, persuaded him to wait
+a short time, little dreaming of the consequence; for the wily old
+gentleman began to romp with Miss Sophy, and, after a while, produced
+his teetotum, and, in short, so contrived it, that the mother and
+daughter played together therewith for five minutes. He then politely
+took his leave, promising to call again; and Mrs Stanhope bobbed him a
+curtsy, and Sophia assured him that Mr S. would be extremely happy to
+afford him every assistance in his scientific researches. When the
+worthy divine at length made his appearance in the breakfast parlour,
+strangely puzzled as to the extreme feverishness and languor which
+oppressed him, he found Sophy sitting gravely in an arm-chair, reading a
+treatise on craniology. It was a pleasant thing for him to see her read
+anything, but he could not help expressing his surprise by observing,
+"I should think that book a little above your comprehension, my
+dear."--"Indeed! sir," was the reply; and the little girl laid down the
+volume, and sat erect in her chair, and thus continued: "I should think,
+Mr Nicodemus Stanhope, that after the specimen of good sense and
+propriety of conduct, which you were pleased to exhibit yesterday, it
+scarcely becomes _you_ to pretend to estimate the _comprehension_ of
+others." "My dear," said the astonished divine, "this is very strange
+language! You forget whom you are speaking to!"--"Not at all," replied
+the child. "I know _my_ place, if you don't know yours, and am
+determined to speak my mind." If anything could add to the Reverend Mr
+Nicodemus Stanhope's surprise, it was the sound of his wife's voice in
+the garden, calling to his man John to stand out of the way, or she
+should run over him. Poor John, who was tying up some of her favourite
+flowers, got out of her way accordingly in quick time, and the next
+moment his mistress rushed by, trundling a hoop, hallooing and laughing,
+and highly enjoying his apparent dismay. Throughout that day, it may be
+imagined that the reverend gentleman's philosophy was sorely tried; but
+we are compelled, by want of room, to leave the particulars of his
+botheration to the reader's imagination.
+
+We are sorry to say that these were not the only metamorphoses which the
+mischievous old gentleman wrought in the village of Stockwell. There was
+a game of teetotum played between a sergeant of dragoons, who had
+retired upon his well-earned pension, and a baker, who happened
+likewise to be the renter of a small patch of land adjoining the
+village. The veteran, with that indistinctness of character before
+mentioned, shouldered the peel, and took it to the field, and used it
+for loading and spreading manure, so that it was never afterwards fit
+for any but dirty work. Then, just to show that he was not afraid of
+anybody, he cut a gap in the hedge of a small field of wheat which had
+just been reaped, and was standing in sheaves, and thereby gave
+admittance to a neighbouring bull, who amused himself greatly by tossing
+the said sheaves; but more particularly those which were set apart as
+tithes, against which he appeared to have a particular spite, throwing
+them high into the air, and then bellowing and treading them under foot.
+But--we must come to a close. Suffice it to say, that the village of
+Stockwell was long in a state of confusion in consequence of these
+games; for the mischief which was done during the period of delusion,
+ended not, like the delusion itself, with the rising or setting of the
+sun.
+
+Having now related as many particulars of these strange occurrences as
+our limits will permit, we have merely to state the effect which they
+produced upon ourselves. Whenever we have since beheld servants aping
+the conduct of their masters or mistresses, tradesmen wasting their time
+and money at taverns, clergymen forgetful of the dignity and sacred
+character of their profession, publicans imagining themselves fit for
+preachers, children calling their parents to account for their conduct,
+matrons acting the hoyden, and other incongruities--whenever we witness
+these and the like occurrences, we conclude that the actors therein have
+been playing a game with the Old Gentleman's Teetotum.
+
+
+
+
+"Woe to us when we lose the watery wall!"
+
+[_MAGA._ SEPTEMBER 1823.]
+
+
+ If e'er that dreadful hour should come--but God avert the day!--
+ When England's glorious flag must bend, and yield old Ocean's sway;
+ When foreign ships shall o'er that deep, where she is empress, lord;
+ When the cross of red from boltsprit-head is hewn by foreign sword;
+ When foreign foot her quarterdeck with proud stride treads along;
+ When her peaceful ships meet haughty check from hail of foreign
+   tongue;--
+ One prayer, one only prayer is mine--that, ere is seen that sight,
+ Ere there be warning of that woe, I may be whelmed in night!
+
+ If ever other prince than ours wield sceptre o'er that main,
+ Where Howard, Blake, and Frobisher, the Armada smote of Spain;
+ Where Blake, in Cromwell's iron sway, swept tempest-like the seas,
+ From North to South, from East to West, resistless as the breeze;
+ Where Russell bent great Louis' power, which bent before to none,
+ And crushed his arm of naval strength, and dimmed his Rising Sun--
+ One prayer, one only prayer is mine--that, ere is seen that sight,
+ Ere there be warning of that woe, I may be whelmed in night!
+
+ If ever other keel than ours triumphant plough that brine,
+ Where Rodney met the Count de Grasse, and broke the Frenchman's line,
+ Where Howe, upon the first of June, met the Jacobins in fight,
+ And with Old England's loud huzzas broke down their godless might;
+ Where Jervis at St Vincent's felled the Spaniards' lofty tiers,
+ Where Duncan won at Camperdown, and Exmouth at Algiers--
+ One prayer, one only prayer, is mine--that, ere is seen that sight,
+ Ere there be warning of that woe, I may be whelmed in night!
+
+ But oh! what agony it were, when we should think on thee,
+ The flower of all the Admirals that ever trod the sea!
+ I shall not name thy honoured name--but if the white-cliffed Isle
+ Which reared the Lion of the deep, the Hero of the Nile,
+ Him who, 'neath Copenhagen's self, o'erthrew the faithless Dane,
+ Who died at glorious Trafalgar, o'er-vanquished France and Spain,
+ Should yield her power, one prayer is mine--that, ere is seen that
+   sight,
+ Ere there be warning of that woe, I may be whelmed in night!
+
+
+
+
+MY COLLEGE FRIENDS.
+
+CHARLES RUSSELL, THE GENTLEMAN-COMMONER.
+
+[_MAGA._ AUGUST 1846.]
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+"Have you any idea who that fresh gentleman-commoner is?" said I to
+Savile, who was sitting next to me at dinner, one day soon after the
+beginning of term. We had not usually in the college above three or four
+of that privileged class, so that any addition to their table attracted
+more attention than the arrival of the vulgar herd of freshmen to fill
+up the vacancies at our own. Unless one of them had choked himself with
+his mutton, or taken some equally decided mode of making himself an
+object of public interest, scarcely any man of "old standing" would have
+even inquired his name.
+
+"Is he one of our men?" said Savile, as he scrutinised the party in
+question. "I thought he had been a stranger dining with some of them.
+Murray, you know the history of every man who comes up, I believe--who
+is he?"
+
+"His name is Russell," replied the authority referred to; "Charles
+Wynderbie Russell; his father's a banker in the city: Russell and Smith,
+you know, ---- Street."
+
+"Ay, I dare say," said Savile; "one of your rich tradesmen; they always
+come up as gentlemen-commoners, to show that they have lots of money: it
+makes me wonder how any man of decent family ever condescends to put on
+a silk gown." Savile was the younger son of a poor baronet, thirteenth
+in descent, and affected considerable contempt for any other kind of
+distinction.
+
+"Oh!" continued Murray, "this man is by no means of a bad family: his
+father comes of one of the oldest houses in Dorsetshire, and his mother,
+you know, is one of the Wynderbies of Wynderbie Court--a niece of Lord
+De Staveley's."
+
+"_I_ know!" said Savile; "nay, I never heard of Wynderbie Court in my
+life; but I dare say _you_ know, which is quite sufficient. Really,
+Murray, you might make a good speculation by publishing a genealogical
+list of the undergraduate members of the university--birth, parentage,
+family connections, governors' present incomes, probable expectations,
+&c. &c. It would sell capitally among the tradesmen--they'd know exactly
+when it was safe to give credit. You could call it _A Guide to Duns_."
+
+"Or a _History of the_ Un-_landed Gentry_," suggested I.
+
+"Well, he is a very gentlemanlike-looking fellow, that Mr Russell,
+banker or not," said Savile, as the unconscious subject of our
+conversation left the hall; "I wonder who knows him?"
+
+The same question might have been asked a week--a month after this
+conversation, without eliciting any very satisfactory answer. With the
+exception of Murray's genealogical information--the correctness of which
+was never doubted for a moment, though how or where he obtained this and
+similar pieces of history, was a point on which he kept up an amusing
+mystery--Russell was a man of whom no one appeared to know anything at
+all. The other gentlemen-commoners had, I believe, all called upon him,
+as a matter of courtesy to one of their own limited mess; but in almost
+every case it had merely amounted to an exchange of cards. He was either
+out of his rooms, or "sporting oak;" and "Mr C. W. Russell," on a bit of
+pasteboard, had invariably appeared in the note-box of the party for
+whom the honour was intended, on their return from their afternoon's
+walk or ride. Invitations to two or three wine-parties had followed, and
+been civilly declined. It was at one of these meetings that he again
+became the subject of conversation. We were a large party, at a man of
+the name of Tichborne's rooms, when some one mentioned having met "the
+Hermit," as they called him, taking a solitary walk about three miles
+out of Oxford the day before.
+
+"Oh, you mean Russell," said Tichborne: "well, I was going to tell you,
+I called on him again this morning, and found him in his rooms. In fact,
+I almost followed him in after lecture; for I confess I had some little
+curiosity to find out what he was made of!"
+
+"And did you find out?"--"What sort of a fellow is he?" asked
+half-a-dozen voices at once; for, to say the truth, the curiosity which
+Tichborne had just confessed had been pretty generally felt, even among
+those who usually affected a dignified disregard of all matters
+concerning the nature and habits of freshmen.
+
+"I sat with him for about twenty minutes; indeed, I should have staid
+longer, for I rather liked the lad; but he seemed anxious to get rid of
+me. I can't make him out at all, though. I wanted him to come here
+to-night, but he positively would not, though he didn't pretend to have
+any other engagement: he said he never, or seldom, drank wine."
+
+"Not drink wine!" interrupted Savile. "I always said he was some low
+fellow!"
+
+"I have known some low fellows drink their skins full of wine, though;
+especially at other men's expense," said Tichborne, who was evidently
+not pleased with the remark; "and Russell is _not_ a low fellow by any
+means."
+
+"Well, well," replied Savile, whose good-humour was imperturbable--"if
+you say so, there's an end of it: all I mean to say is, I can't conceive
+any man not drinking wine, unless for the simple reason that he prefers
+brandy-and-water, and that I _do_ call low. However, you'll excuse my
+helping myself to another glass of this particularly good claret,
+Tichborne, though it is at your expense: indeed, the only use of you
+gentlemen-commoners, that I am aware of, is to give us a taste of the
+senior common-room wine now and then. They do manage to get it good
+there, certainly. I wish they would give out a few dozens as prizes at
+collections; it would do us a great deal more good than a Russia-leather
+book with the college arms on it. I don't know that I shouldn't take to
+reading in that case."
+
+"Drink a dozen of it, old fellow, if you can," said Tichborne. "But
+really I am sorry we couldn't get Russell here this evening; I think he
+would be rather an acquisition, if he could be drawn out. As to his not
+drinking wine, that's a matter of taste; and he is not very likely to
+corrupt the good old principles of the college on that point. But he
+must please himself."
+
+"What does he do with himself?" said one of the party--"read?"
+
+"Why he didn't _talk_ about reading, as most of our literary freshmen
+do, which might perhaps lead one to suppose he really was something of a
+scholar; still, I doubt if he is what you call a reading man; I know he
+belongs to the Thucydides lecture, and I have never seen him there but
+once."
+
+"Ah!" said Savile, with a sigh, "that's another privilege of yours I had
+forgotten, which is rather enviable; you can cut lectures when you like,
+without getting a thundering imposition. Where does this man Russell
+live?"
+
+"He has taken those large rooms that Sykes used to have, and fitted up
+in such style; they were vacant, you remember, the last two terms; I had
+some thought of moving into them myself, but they were confoundedly
+expensive, and I didn't think it worth while. They cost Sykes I don't
+know how much, in painting and papering, and are full of all sorts of
+couches, and easy-chairs, and so forth. And this man seems to have got
+two or three good paintings into them; and, altogether, they are now the
+best rooms in college, by far."
+
+"Does he mean to hunt?" asked another.
+
+"No, I fancy not," replied our host: "though he spoke as if he knew
+something about it; but he said he had no horses in Oxford."
+
+"Nor anywhere else, I'll be bound; he's a precious slow coach, you may
+depend upon it." And with this decisive remark, Mr Russell and his
+affairs were dismissed for the time.
+
+A year passed away, and still, at the end of that time--(a long time it
+seemed in those days)--Russell was as much a stranger in college as
+ever. He had begun to be regarded as a rather mysterious person. Hardly
+two men in the college agreed in their estimate of his character. Some
+said he was a natural son--the acknowledged heir to a large fortune, but
+too proud to mix in society, under the consciousness of a dishonoured
+birth. But this suspicion was indignantly refuted by Murray, as much on
+behalf of his own genealogical accuracy, as for Russell's legitimacy--he
+was undoubtedly the true and lawful son and heir of Mr Russell the
+banker, of ---- Street. Others said he was poor; but his father was
+reputed to be the most wealthy partner in a wealthy firm, and was known
+to have a considerable estate in the west of England. There were not
+wanting those who said he was "eccentric"--in the largest sense of the
+term. Yet his manners and conduct, as far as they came within notice,
+were correct, regular, and gentlemanly beyond criticism. There was
+nothing about him which could fairly incur even the minor charge of
+being odd. He dressed well, though very plainly; would converse freely
+enough, upon any subject, with the few men who, from sitting at the
+sametable, or attending the same lectures, had formed a doubtful
+sort of acquaintance with him; and always showed great good sense, a
+considerable knowledge of the world, and a courtesy, and at the same
+time perfect dignity of manner, which effectually prevented any attempt
+to penetrate, by jest or direct question, the reserve in which he had
+chosen to enclose himself. All invitations he steadily refused; even to
+the extent of sending an excuse to the deans' and tutors' breakfast
+parties, to their ineffable disgust. Whether he read hard, or not, was
+equally a secret. He was regular in his attendance at chapel, and
+particularly attentive to the service; a fact which by no means tended
+to lower him in men's estimation, though in those days more remarkable
+than, happily, it would be now. At lectures, indeed, he was not equally
+exemplary, either as to attendance or behaviour; he was often absent
+when asked a question, and not always accurate when he replied; and
+occasionally declined translating a passage which came to his turn, on
+the ground of not having read it. Yet his scholarship, if not always
+strictly accurate, had a degree of elegance which betokened both talent
+and reading; and his taste was evidently naturally good, and classical
+literature a subject of interest to him. Altogether, it rather piqued
+the vanity of those who saw most of him, that he would give them no
+opportunity of seeing more; and many affected to sneer at him, as a
+"_muff_," who would have been exceedingly flattered by his personal
+acquaintance. Only one associate did Charles Russell appear to have in
+the university; and this was a little greenish-haired man in a scholar's
+gown, a perfect contrast to himself in appearance, whose name or college
+no man knew, though some professed to recognise him as a Bible-clerk of
+one of the smallest and most obscure of the halls.
+
+Attempts were made to pump out of his scout some information as to how
+Russell passed his time: for, with the exception of a daily walk,
+sometimes with the companion above mentioned, but much oftener alone,
+and his having been seen once or twice in a skiff on the river, he
+appeared rarely to quit his own rooms. Scouts are usually pretty
+communicative of all they know--and sometimes a great deal more--about
+the affairs of their many masters; and they are not inclined in general
+to hold a very high opinion of those among "their gentlemen" who, like
+Russell, are behindhand in the matter of wine and supper-parties--their
+own perquisites suffering thereby. But Job Allen was a scout of a
+thousand. His honesty and integrity made him quite the _rara avis_ of
+his class--_i.e._, a _white_ swan amongst a flock of black ones. Though
+really, since I have left the university, and been condemned to
+house-keeping, and have seen the peculation and perquisite-hunting
+existing pretty nearly in the same proportion amongst ordinary
+servants--and the higher you go in society the worse it seems to
+be--without a tittle of the activity and cleverness displayed by a good
+college scout, who provides supper and etceteras for an extemporary
+party of twenty or so at an hour's notice, without starting a difficulty
+or giving vent to a grumble, or neglecting any one of his other
+multifarious duties (further than perhaps borrowing for the service of
+the said supper some hard-reading freshman's whole stock of knives, and
+leaving him to spread his nocturnal bread and butter with his fingers);
+since I have been led to compare this with the fuss and fidget caused in
+a "well-regulated family" among one's own lazy vagabonds, by having an
+extra horse to clean, or by a couple of friends arriving unexpectedly
+to dinner, when they all stare at you as if you were expecting
+impossibilities, I have pretty well come to the conclusion, that
+college servants, like hedgehogs, are a grossly calumniated race of
+animals--wrongfully accused of getting their living by picking and
+stealing, whereas they are in fact rather more honest than the average
+of their neighbours. It is to be hoped that, like the hedgehogs, they
+enjoy a compensation in having too thick skins to be over-sensitive. At
+all events, Job Allen was an honest fellow. He had been known to
+expostulate with some of his more reckless masters upon the absurdities
+of their goings-on; and had more than once had a commons of bread flung
+at his head, when taking the opportunity of symptoms of repentance, in
+an evident disrelish for breakfast, to hint at the slow but inevitable
+approach of "degree-day." Cold chickens from the evening's supper-party
+had made a miraculous reappearance at next morning's lunch or
+breakfast; half-consumed bottles of port seemed, under his auspices, to
+lead charmed lives. No wonder, then, there was very little information
+about the private affairs of Russell to be got out of Job Allen. He had
+but a very poor talent for gossip, and none at all for invention. "Mr
+Russell's a very nice, quiet sort of gentleman, sir, and keeps his-self
+pretty much to his-self." This was Job's account of him; and, to curious
+inquirers, it was provoking both for its meagreness and its truth.
+"Who's his friend in the rusty gown, Job?"--"I thinks, sir, his name's
+Smith." "Is Mr Russell going up for a class, Job?"--"I can't say indeed,
+sir." "Does he read hard?"--"Not over-hard, I think, sir." "Does he sit
+up late, Job?"--"Not over-late, sir." If there was anything to tell, it
+was evident Job would neither commit himself nor his master.
+
+Russell's conduct was certainly uncommon. If he had been the son of a
+poor man, dependent for his future livelihood on his own exertions,
+eking out the scanty allowance ill-spared by his friends by the help
+of a scholarship or exhibition, and avoiding society as leading to
+necessary expense, his position would have been understood, and even,
+in spite of the prejudices of youthful extravagance, commended. Or
+if he had been a hard-reading man from choice--or a stupid man--or
+a "saint"--no one would have troubled themselves about him or his
+proceedings. But Russell was a gentleman-commoner, and a man who had
+evidently seen something of the world; a rich man, and apparently by no
+means of the character fitted for a recluse. He had dined once with
+the principal, and the two or three men who had met him there were
+considerably surprised at the easy gracefulness of his manners, and his
+information upon many points usually beyond the range of undergraduates:
+at his own table in hall, too, he never affected any reserve, although,
+perhaps from a consciousness of having virtually declined any intimacy
+with his companions, he seldom originated any conversation. It might
+have been assumed, indeed, that he despised the society into which he
+was thrown, but that his bearing, so far from being haughty, or even
+cold, was occasionally marked by apparent dejection. There was also,
+at times, a breaking out as it were of the natural spirits of youth,
+checked almost abruptly; and once or twice he had betrayed an interest
+in, and a knowledge of, field-sports and ordinary amusements, which for
+the moment made his hearers fancy, as Tichborne said, that he was
+"coming out." But if, as at first often happened, such conversations
+led to a proposal for a gallop with the harriers, or a ride the next
+afternoon, or a match at billiards, or even an invitation to a quiet
+breakfast-party--the refusal, though always courteous--and sometimes it
+was fancied unwilling--was always decided. And living day by day within
+reach of that close companionship which similarity of age, pursuits, and
+tastes, strengthened by daily intercourse, was cementing all around him,
+Charles Russell, in his twentieth year, in a position to choose his own
+society, and qualified to shine in it, seemed to have deliberately
+adopted the life of a recluse.
+
+There were some, indeed, who accounted for his behaviour on the ground
+of stinginess; and it was an opinion somewhat strengthened by one or
+two trifling facts. When the subscription-list for the college boat
+was handed to him, he put his name down for the minimum of one guinea,
+though Charley White, our secretary, with the happy union of impudence
+and "soft sawder" for which he was remarkable, delicately drew his
+attention to the fact, that no other gentleman-commoner had given less
+than five. Still it was not very intelligible that a man who wished to
+save his pocket, should choose to pay double fees for the privilege of
+wearing a velvet cap and silk gown, and rent the most expensive set of
+rooms in the college.
+
+It happened that I returned one night somewhat late from a friend's
+rooms out of college, and had the satisfaction to find that my scout, in
+an unusually careful mood, had shut my outer "oak," which had a spring
+lock, of which I never by any chance carried the key. It was too late to
+send for the rascal to open it, and I was just planning the possibility
+of effecting an entrance at the window by means of the porter's ladder,
+when the light in Russell's room caught my eye, and I remembered that,
+in the days of their former occupant, our keys used to correspond, very
+much to our mutual convenience. It was no very great intrusion, even
+towards one in the morning, to ask a man to lend you his door key, when
+the alternative seemed to be spending the night in the quadrangle: so I
+walked up his staircase, knocked, was admitted, and stated my business
+with all proper apologies. The key was produced most graciously, and
+down I went again--unluckily two steps at a time. My foot slipped, and
+one grand rattle brought me to the bottom: not head first, but feet
+first, which possibly is not quite so dangerous, but any gentleman who
+has tried it will agree with me that it is sufficiently unpleasant. I
+was dreadfully shaken; and when I tried to get up, found it no easy
+matter. Russell, I suppose, heard the fall, for he was by my side by the
+time I had collected my ideas. I felt as if I had skinned myself at
+slight intervals all down one side; but the worst of it was a sprained
+ankle. How we got up-stairs again I have no recollection; but when a
+glass of brandy had brought me to a little, I found myself in an
+easy-chair, with my foot on a stool, shivering and shaking like a wet
+puppy. I staid there a fortnight (not in the chair, reader, but in the
+rooms); and so it was I became intimately acquainted with Charles
+Russell. His kindness and attention to me were excessive; I wished of
+course to be moved to my own rooms at once, but he would not hear of it;
+and as I found every wriggle and twist which I gave quite sufficiently
+painful, I acceded to my surgeon's advice to remain where I was.
+
+It was not a very pleasant mode of introduction for either party.
+Very few men's acquaintance is worth the pains of bumping all the
+way down-stairs and spraining an ankle for: and for a gentleman who
+voluntarily confines himself to his own apartment and avoids society, to
+have another party chummed in upon him perforce, day and night, sitting
+in an arm-chair, with a suppressed groan occasionally, and an abominable
+smell of hartshorn--is, to say the least of it, not the happiest mode of
+hinting to him the evils of solitude. Whether it was that the one of us,
+compelled thus against his will to play the host, was anxious to show
+he was no churl by nature, and the other, feeling himself necessarily
+in a great degree an intruder and a bore, put forth more zealously any
+redeeming social qualities he might possess; be this as it might, within
+that fortnight Russell and I became sincere friends.
+
+I found him, as I had expected, a most agreeable and gentlemanlike
+companion, clever and well informed, and with a higher tone and more
+settled principles than are common to his age and position. But strongly
+contrasted with his usually cheerful manner, were sudden intervals of
+abstraction approaching to gloominess. In him, it was evidently not the
+result of caprice, far less of anything approaching to affectation. I
+watched him closely, partly from interest, partly because I had little
+else to do, and became convinced that there was some latent cause of
+grief or anxiety at work. Once in particular, after the receipt of some
+letters (they were always opened hurriedly, and apparently with a
+painful interest), he was so visibly discomposed and depressed in
+spirits, that I ventured to express a hope that they had contained no
+distressing intelligence. Russell seemed embarrassed at having betrayed
+any unusual emotion, and answered in the negative; adding, that "he knew
+he was subject to the blues occasionally"--and I felt I could say no
+more. But I suppose I did not look convinced; for catching my eyes fixed
+on him soon afterwards, he shook my hand and said, "Something _has_
+vexed me--I cannot tell you what; but I won't think about it again now."
+
+One evening, towards the close of my imprisonment, after a long and
+pleasant talk over our usual sober wind-up of a cup of coffee, some
+recent publication, tasteful, but rather expensive, was mentioned, which
+Russell expressed a wish to see. I put the natural question to a man in
+his position who could appreciate the book, and to whom a few pounds
+were no consideration--why did he not order it? He coloured slightly,
+and after a moment's hesitation hurriedly replied, "Because I cannot
+afford it." I felt a little awkwardness as to what to say next; for the
+style of everything round me betrayed a lavish disregard of expense, and
+yet the remark did not at all bear the tone of a jest. Probably Russell
+understood what was passing in my mind; for presently, without looking
+at me, he went on: "Yes, you may well think it a pitiful economy to
+grudge five guineas for a book like that, and indulge one's-self in such
+pompous mummery as we have here;" and he pushed down with his foot a
+massive and beautiful silver coffee-pot, engraved with half-a-dozen
+quarterings of arms, which, in spite of a remonstrance from me, had been
+blackening before the fire to keep its contents warm. "Never mind it,"
+he continued, as I in vain put out my hand to save it from falling--"it
+won't be damaged; it will fetch just as much per ounce; and I really
+cannot afford to buy an inferior article." Russell's behaviour up to
+this moment had been rational enough, but at the moment a suspicion
+crossed my mind that "eccentricity," as applied to his case, might
+possibly, as in some other cases, be merely an euphonism for something
+worse. However, I picked up the coffee-pot, and said nothing. "You must
+think me very strange, Hawthorne; I quite forgot myself at the moment;
+but if you choose to be trusted with a secret, which will be no secret
+long, I will tell you what will perhaps surprise you with regard to my
+own position, though I really have no right to trouble you with my
+confidences." I disclaimed any wish to assume the right of inquiring
+into private matters, but at the same time expressed, as I sincerely
+felt, an interest in what was evidently a weight on my companion's mind.
+"Well, to say the truth," continued Russell, "I think it will be a
+relief to me to tell you how I stand. I know that I have often felt of
+late that I am acting a daily lie here, to all the men about me;
+passing, doubtless, for a rich man, when in truth, for aught I know, I
+and all my family are beggars at this moment." He stopped, walked to the
+window, and returned. "I am surrounded here by luxuries which have
+little right within a college's walls; I occupy a distinctive position
+which you and others are supposed not to be able to afford; I never can
+mix with any of you, without, as it were, carrying with me everywhere
+the superscription written--'This is a rich man.' And yet, with all this
+outward show, I may be a debtor to your charity for my bread to-morrow.
+You are astonished, Hawthorne; of course you are. I am not thus playing
+the hypocrite willingly, believe me. Had I only my own comfort, and my
+own feelings to consult, I would take my name off the college books
+to-morrow. How I bear the life I lead, I scarcely know."
+
+"But tell me," said I, "as you have told me so much, what is the secret
+of all this?"
+
+"I will; I was going to explain. My only motive for concealment, my only
+reason for even wishing you to keep my counsel, is, because the
+character and prospects of others are concerned. My father, as I dare
+say you are aware, is pretty well known as the head of the firm of
+Russell and Smith: he passes for a rich man, of course; he _was_ a rich
+man, I believe, once; and I, his only son and heir--brought up as I was
+to look upon money as a plaything--I was sent to college of course as a
+gentleman-commoner. I knew nothing, as a lad, of my father's affairs:
+there were fools enough to tell me he was rich, and that I had nothing
+to do but to spend his money--and I did spend it--ay, too much of
+it--yet not so much, perhaps, as I might. Not since I came here,
+Hawthorne; oh no!--not since I found out that it was neither his nor
+mine to spend--I have not been so bad as that, thank God. And if ever
+man could atone, by suffering, for the thoughtlessness and extravagance
+of early days, I have well-nigh paid my penalty in full already. I told
+you, I entered here as a gentleman-commoner; my father came down to
+Oxford with me, chose my rooms, sent down this furniture and these
+paintings from town--thank Heaven, I never knew what they cost--ordered
+a couple of hunters and a groom for me--those I stopped from coming
+down--and, in fact, made every preparation for me to commence my career
+with credit as the heir-apparent to a large fortune. Some suspicions
+that all was not right had crossed my mind before: certain conversations
+between my father and cold-looking men of business, not meant for my
+ear, and very imperfectly understood--for it appeared to be my father's
+object to keep me totally ignorant of all the mysteries of banking--an
+increasing tendency on his part to grumble over petty expenses which
+implied ready payment, with an ostentatious profusion in show and
+entertainments--many slight circumstances put together had given me a
+sort of vague alarm at times, which I shook off, as often as it
+recurred, like a disagreeable dream. A week after I entered college, a
+letter from my only sister opened my eyes to the truth. What I had
+feared was a temporary embarrassment--a disagreeable necessity for
+retrenchment, or, at the worst, a stoppage of payment, and a respectable
+bankruptcy, which would injure no one but the creditors. What she spoke
+of was absolute ruin, poverty, and, what was worse, disgrace. It came
+upon me very suddenly--but I bore it. I am not going to enter into
+particulars about family matters to you, Hawthorne--you would not wish
+it, I know; let me only say, my sister Mary is an angel, and my father
+a weak-minded man--I will hope, not intentionally a dishonest one. But I
+have learnt enough to know that there are embarrassments from which he
+can never extricate himself with honour, and that every month, every
+week, that he persists in maintaining a useless struggle will only add
+misery to misery in the end. How long it may go on no one can say--but
+the end must come. My own first impulse was, of course, to leave this
+place at once, and so, at all events, to avoid additional expenses: but
+my father would not hear of it. I went to him, told him what I knew,
+though not how I had heard it, and drew from him a sort of confession
+that he had made some unfortunate speculations. But 'only let us keep up
+appearances'--those were his words--a little while, and all would be
+right again, he assured me. I made no pretence of believing him; but,
+Hawthorne, when he offered to go on his knees to me--and I his only
+son--and promised to retrench in every possible method that would not
+betray his motives, if I would but remain at college to take my
+degree--'to keep up appearances'--what could I do?"
+
+"Plainly," said I, "you did right: I do not see that you had any
+alternative. Nor have you any right to throw away your future prospects.
+Your father's unfortunate embarrassments are no disgrace to you."
+
+"So said my sister. I knew her advice must be right, and I consented to
+remain here. _You_ know I lead no life of self-indulgence; and the
+necessary expenses, even as a gentleman-commoner, are less than you
+would suppose, unless you had tried matters as closely as I have."
+
+"And with your talents--" said I.
+
+"My talents! I am conscious of but one talent at present: the faculty of
+feeling acutely the miserable position into which I have been forced.
+No, if you mean that I am to gain any sort of distinction by hard
+reading, it is simply what I cannot do. Depend upon it, Hawthorne, a man
+must have a mind tolerably at ease to put forth any mental exertion to
+good purpose. If this crash were once over, and I were reduced to my
+proper level in society--which will, I suppose, be pretty nearly that of
+a pauper--_then_ I think I could work for my bread either with head or
+hands: but in this wretchedly false position, here I sit bitterly, day
+after day, with books open before me perhaps, but with no heart to read,
+and no memory but for one thing. You know my secret now, Hawthorne, and
+it has been truly a relief to me to unburden my mind to some one here. I
+am very much alone, indeed; and it is not at all my nature to be
+solitary: if you will come and see me sometimes, now that you know all,
+it will be a real kindness. It is no great pleasure, I assure you," he
+continued, smiling, "to be called odd, and selfish, and stingy, by
+those of one's own age, as I feel I must be called; but it is much
+better than to lead the life I might lead--spending money which is not
+mine, and accustoming myself to luxuries, when I may soon have to depend
+on charity even for necessaries. For my own comfort, it might be better,
+as I said before, that the crisis came at once: still, if I remain here
+until I am qualified for some profession, by which I may one day be able
+to support my sister--that is the hope I feed on--why, then, this sort
+of existence may be endured."
+
+Russell had at least no reason to complain of having disclosed his mind
+to a careless listener. I was moved almost to tears at his story: but,
+stronger than all other feelings, was admiration of his principles and
+character. I felt that some of us had almost done him irreverence in
+venturing to discuss him so lightly as we had often done. How little we
+know the hearts of others, and how readily we prate about "seeing
+through" a man, when in truth what we see is but a surface, and the
+image conveyed to our mind from it but the reflection of ourselves!
+
+My intimacy with Russell, so strangely commenced, had thus rapidly and
+unexpectedly taken the character of that close connection which exists
+between those who have one secret and engrossing interest confined to
+themselves alone. We were now more constantly together, perhaps, than
+any two men in college: and many were the jokes I had to endure in
+consequence. Very few of my old companions had ventured to carry their
+attentions to me, while laid up in Russell's rooms, beyond an occasional
+call at the door to know how I was going on; and when I got back to
+my old quarters, and had refused one or two invitations on the plea
+of having Russell coming to spend a quiet evening with me, their
+astonishment and disgust were expressed pretty unequivocally, and
+they affected to call us "the exclusives." However, Russell was a man
+who, if he made few friends, gave no excuse for enemies; and, in
+time, my intimacy with him, and occasional withdrawals from general
+college society in consequence, came to be regarded as a pardonable
+weakness--unaccountable, but past all help--a subject on which the
+would-be wisest of my friends shook their heads and said nothing.
+
+I think this new connection was of advantage to both parties. To
+myself it certainly was. I date the small gleams of good sense and
+sobermindedness which broke in upon my character at that critical period
+of life, solely from my intercourse with Charles Russell. He, on the
+other hand, had suffered greatly from the want of that sympathy and
+support which the strongest mind at times stands as much in need of as
+the weakest, and which in his peculiar position could only be purchased
+by an unreserved confidence. From any premeditated explanation he would
+have shrunk; nor would he ever, as he himself confessed, have made the
+avowal he did to me, had it not escaped him by a momentary impulse. But,
+having made it, he seemed a happier man. His reading, which before had
+been desultory and interrupted, was now taken up in earnest: and idly
+inclined as I was myself, I became, with the pseudo sort of generosity
+not uncommon at that age, so much more anxious for his future success
+than my own, that, in order to encourage him, I used to go to his rooms
+to read with him, and we had many a hard morning's work together.
+
+We were very seldom interrupted by visitors: almost the only one was
+that unknown and unprepossessing friend of Russell's who has been
+mentioned before--his own contradictory in almost every respect. Very
+uncouth and dirty-looking he was, and stuttered terribly--rather, it
+seemed, from diffidence than from any natural defect. He showed some
+surprise on the first two or three occasions in which he encountered me,
+and made an immediate attempt to back out of the room again: and though
+Russell invariably recalled him, and showed an evident anxiety to treat
+him with every consideration, he never appeared at his ease for a
+moment, and made his escape as soon as possible. Russell always fixed
+a time for seeing him again--usually the next day; and there was
+evidently some object in these interviews, into which, as it was no
+concern of mine, I never inquired particularly, as I had already been
+intrusted with a confidence rather unusual as the result of a few weeks'
+acquaintance; and on the subject of his friend--"poor Smith," as he
+called him--Russell did not seem disposed to be communicative.
+
+Time wore on, and brought round the Christmas vacation. I thought it due
+to myself, as all young men do, to get up to town for a week or two if
+possible; and being lucky enough to have an old aunt occupying a very
+dark house, much too large for her, and who, being rather a prosy
+personage, a little deaf, and very opinionated, and therefore not a
+special object of attraction to her relations (her property was merely
+a life-interest), was very glad to get any one to come and see her--I
+determined to pay a visit, in which the score of obligations would
+be pretty equally balanced on both sides. On the one hand, the
+_tete-a-tete_ dinners with the old lady, and her constant catechising
+about Oxford, were a decided bore to me; while it required some
+forbearance on her part to endure an inmate who constantly rushed into
+the drawing-room without wiping his boots, who had no taste for old
+china, and against whom the dear dog Petto had an unaccountable but
+decided antipathy. (Poor dog! I fear he was ungrateful: I used to devil
+sponge biscuit internally for him after dinner, kept a snuff-box more
+for his use than my own, and prolonged his life, I feel confident, at
+least twelve months from apoplexy, by pulling hairs out of his tail with
+a pair of tweezers whenever he went to sleep.) On the other hand, my
+aunt had good wine, and I used to praise it; which was agreeable to both
+parties. She got me pleasant invitations, and was enabled herself to
+make her appearance in society with a live nephew in her suite, who in
+her eyes (I confess, reader, old aunts are partial) was a very eligible
+young man. So my visit, on the whole, was mutually agreeable and
+advantageous. I had my mornings to myself, gratifying the dowager
+occasionally by a drive with her in the afternoon; and we had sufficient
+engagements for our evenings to make each other's sole society rather an
+unusual infliction. It is astonishing how much such an arrangement tends
+to keep people the best friends in the world.
+
+I had attended my respectable relation one evening (or rather she had
+attended me, for I believe she went more for my sake than her own) to
+a large evening party, which was a ball in everything but the name.
+Nearly all in the rooms were strangers to me; but I had plenty of
+introductions, and the night wore on pleasantly enough. I saw a dozen
+pretty faces I had never seen before, and was scarcely likely to see
+again--the proportion of ugly ones I forbear to mention--and was
+prepared to bear the meeting and the parting with equal philosophy, when
+the sight of one very familiar face brought different scenes to my mind.
+Standing within half-a-dozen steps of me, and in close conversation with
+a lady, of whom I could see little besides a cluster of dark curls, was
+Ormiston, one of our college tutors, and one of the most universally
+popular men in Oxford. It would be wrong to say I was surprised to
+see him there or anywhere else, for his roll of acquaintance was most
+extensive, embracing all ranks and degrees; but I was very glad to see
+him, and made an almost involuntary dart forward in his direction. He
+saw me, smiled, and put out his hand, but did not seem inclined to enter
+into any conversation. I was turning away, when a sudden movement gave
+me a full view of the face of the lady to whom he had been talking. It
+was a countenance of that pale, clear, intellectual beauty, with a shade
+of sadness about the mouth, which one so seldom sees but in a picture,
+but which, when seen, haunts the imagination and the memory rather
+than excites passionate admiration. The eyes met mine, and, quite by
+accident, for the thoughts were evidently pre-occupied, retained for
+some moments the same fixed gaze with which I almost as unconsciously
+was regarding them. There was something in the features which seemed
+not altogether unknown to me; and I was beginning to speculate on the
+possibility of any small heroine of my boyish admiration having shot up
+into such sweet womanhood--such changes soon occur--when the eyes became
+conscious, and the head was rapidly turned away. I lost her a moment
+afterwards in the crowd, and although I watched the whole of the time
+we remained, with an interest that amused myself, I could not see her
+again. She must have left the party early.
+
+So strong became the impression on my mind that it was a face I had
+known before, and so fruitless and tantalising were my efforts to give
+it "a local habitation and a name"--that I determined at last to
+question my aunt upon the subject, though quite aware of the imputation
+that would follow. The worst of it was, I had so few tangible marks and
+tokens by which to identify my interesting unknown. However, at
+breakfast next morning, I opened ground at once, in answer to my
+hostess's remark that the rooms had been very full.
+
+"Yes, they were: I wanted very much, my dear aunt, to have asked you the
+names of all the people; but you really were so much engaged, I had no
+opportunity."
+
+"Ah! if you had come and sat by me, I could have told you all about
+them; but there were some very odd people there, too."
+
+"There was one rather interesting-looking girl I did not see dancing
+much--tallish, with pearl earrings."
+
+"Where was she sitting? how was she dressed?"
+
+I had only seen her standing; I never noticed--I hardly think I could
+have seen--even the colour of her dress.
+
+"Not know how she was dressed? My dear Frank, how strange!"
+
+"All young ladies dress alike now, aunt; there's really not much
+distinction; they seemed all black and white to me."
+
+"Certainly the balls don't look half so gay as they used to do: a little
+colour gives cheerfulness, I think." (The good old lady herself had worn
+crimson satin and a suite of chrysolites--if her theory were correct,
+she was enough to have spread a glow over the whole company.) "But let
+me see;--tall, with pearls, you say; dark hair and eyes?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"You must mean Lucy Fielding."
+
+"Nonsense, my dear ma'am--I beg a thousand pardons; but I was introduced
+to Miss Fielding, and danced with her--she squints."
+
+"My dear Frank, don't say such a thing!--she will have half the
+Strathinnis property when she comes of age. But let me see again. Had
+she a white rose in her hair?"
+
+"She had, I think; or something like it."
+
+"It might have been Lord Dunham's youngest daughter, who has just come
+out--she was there for an hour or so?"
+
+"No, no, aunt: I know her by sight too--a pale gawky thing, with an arm
+and hand like a prize-fighter's--oh no!"
+
+"Upon my word, my dear nephew, you young men give yourselves abominable
+airs: I call her a very fine young woman, and I have no doubt she will
+marry well, though she hasn't much fortune. Was it Miss Cassilis,
+then?--white tulle over satin, looped with roses, with gold sprigs"----
+
+"And freckles to match: why, she's as old as"----; I felt myself on
+dangerous ground, and filled up the hiatus, I fear not very happily, by
+looking full at my aunt.
+
+"Not so very old, indeed, my dear: she refused a very good offer last
+season: she cannot possibly be above"----
+
+"Oh! spare the particulars, pray, my dear ma'am; but you could not have
+seen the girl I mean: I don't think she staid after supper: I looked
+everywhere for her to ask who she was, but she must have been gone."
+
+"Really! I wish I could help you," said my aunt with a very insinuating
+smile.
+
+"Oh," said I, "what made me anxious to know who she was at the time, was
+simply that I saw her talking to an old friend of mine, whom you know
+something of, I believe; did you not meet Mr Ormiston somewhere last
+winter?"
+
+"Mr Ormiston! oh, I saw him there last night! and now I know who you
+mean; it must have been Mary Russell, of course; she did wear pearls,
+and plain white muslin."
+
+"Russell!--what Russells are they?"
+
+"Russell the banker's daughter; I suppose nobody knows how many
+thousands she'll have; but she is a very odd girl. Mr Ormiston is rather
+committed in that quarter, I fancy. Ah, he's a very gentlemanly man,
+certainly, and an old friend of the family; but that match would never
+do. Why, he must be ten years older than she is, in the first place, and
+hasn't a penny that I know of except his fellowship. No, no; she refused
+Sir John Maynard last winter, with a clear twelve thousand a-year; and
+angry enough her papa was about that, everybody says, though he never
+contradicts her; but she never will venture upon such a silly thing as a
+match with Mr Ormiston."
+
+"Won't she?" said I mechanically, not having had time to collect my
+thoughts exactly.
+
+"To be sure she won't," replied my aunt rather sharply. It certainly
+struck me that Mary Russell, from what her brother had told me, was a
+person very likely to show some little disregard of any conventional
+notions of what was, or what was not desirable in the matter of
+matrimony; but at the same time I inclined to agree with my aunt, that
+it was not very probable she would become Mrs Ormiston; indeed, I
+doubted any very serious intentions on his part. Fellows of colleges are
+usually somewhat lavish of admiration and attentions; but, as many young
+ladies know, very difficult to bring to book. Ormiston was certainly not
+a man to be influenced by the fortune which the banker's daughter might
+reasonably be credited with; if anything made the matter seem serious,
+it was that his opinion of the sex in general--as thrown out in an
+occasional hint or sarcasm--seemed to border on a supercilious contempt.
+
+I did not meet Miss Russell again during my short stay in town; but two
+or three days after this conversation, in turning the corner of the
+street, I came suddenly upon Ormiston. I used to flatter myself with
+being rather a favourite of his--not from any conscious merit on my
+part, unless that, during the year of his deanship, when summoned before
+him for any small atrocities, and called to account for them, I never
+took up his time or my own by any of the usual somewhat questionable
+excuses, but awaited my fate, whether "imposition" or reprimand, in
+silence--a plan which, with him, answered very well, and saved
+occasionally some straining of conscience on one side, and credulity on
+the other. I tried it with his successor, who decided that I was
+contumacious, because, the first time I was absent from chapel, in reply
+to his interrogations I answered nothing, and upon his persevering, told
+him that I had been at a very late supper-party the night before. I
+think, then, I was rather a favourite of Ormiston's. To say that he was
+a favourite of mine would be saying very little; for there could have
+been scarcely a man in college, of any degree of respectability, who
+would not have been ready to say the same. No man had a higher regard
+for the due maintenance of discipline, or his own dignity, and the
+reputation of the college; yet nowhere among the seniors could the
+undergraduate find a more judicious or a kinder friend. He had the art
+of mixing with them occasionally with all the unreservedness of an
+equal, without for a moment endangering the respect due to his position.
+There was no man you could ask a favour of--even if it infringed a
+little upon the strictness of college regulations--so readily as
+Ormiston; and no one appeared to retain more thoroughly some of his
+boyish tastes and recollections. He subscribed his five guineas to the
+boat, even after a majority of the fellows had induced our good old
+Principal, whose annual appearance at the river-side to cheer her at the
+races had seemed almost a part of his office, to promulgate a decree to
+the purport that boat-racing was immoral, and that no man engaged
+therein should find favour in the sight of the authorities. Yet, at the
+same time, Ormiston could give grave advice when needed; and give it
+in such a manner, that the most thoughtless among us received it as
+from a friend. And whenever he did administer a few words of pointed
+rebuke--and he did not spare it when any really discreditable conduct
+came under his notice--they fell the more heavily upon the delinquent,
+because the public sympathy was sure to be on the side of the judge.
+The art of governing young men is a difficult one, no doubt; but it is
+surprising that so few take any pains to acquire it. There were very few
+Ormistons, in my time, in the high places in Oxford.
+
+On that morning, however, Ormiston met me with evident embarrassment, if
+not with coolness. He started when he first saw me, and, had there been
+a chance of doing so with decency, looked as if he would have pretended
+not to recognise me. But we were too near for that, and our eyes met at
+once. I was really very glad to see him, and not at all inclined to
+be content with the short "How d'ye do?" so unlike his usual cordial
+greetings, with which he was endeavouring to hurry on; and there was a
+little curiosity afloat among my other feelings. So I fairly stopped him
+with a few of the usual inquiries, as to how long he had been in town,
+&c., and then plunged at once into the affair of the ball at which we
+had last met. He interrupted me at once.
+
+"By the way," said he, "have you heard of poor Russell's business?"
+
+I actually shuddered, for I scarcely knew what was to follow. As
+composedly as I could, I simply said, "No."
+
+"His father is ruined, they say--absolutely ruined. I suppose _that_ is
+no secret by this time, at all events. He cannot possibly pay even a
+shilling in the pound."
+
+"I'm very sorry indeed to hear it," was all I could say.
+
+"But do you know, Hawthorne," continued Ormiston, taking my arm with
+something like his old manner, and no longer showing any anxiety to cut
+short our interview, "I am afraid this is not the worst of it. There
+is a report in the city this morning, I was told, that Mr Russell's
+character is implicated by some rather unbusinesslike transactions.
+I believe you are a friend of poor Russell's, and for that reason I
+mention it to you in confidence. He may not be aware of it; but the
+rumour is, that his father _dare_ not show himself again here: that he
+has left England I know to be a fact."
+
+"And his daughter?--Miss Russell?" I asked involuntarily--"his children,
+I mean--where are they?"
+
+I thought Ormiston's colour heightened; but he was not a man to show
+much visible emotion. "Charles Russell and his sister are still in
+London," he replied; "I have just seen them. They know their father has
+left for the Continent; I hope they do _not_ know all the reasons. I am
+very sincerely sorry for young Russell; it will be a heavy blow to him,
+and I fear he will find his circumstances bitterly changed. Of course he
+will have to leave Oxford."
+
+"I suppose so," said I; "no one can feel more for him than I do. It was
+well, perhaps, that this did not happen in term time."
+
+"It has spared him some mortification, certainly. You will see him,
+perhaps, before you leave town; he will take it kind. And if you have
+any influence with him--(he will be inclined to listen just now to you,
+perhaps, more than to me; being more of his own age, he will give you
+credit for entering into his feelings)--do try and dissuade him from
+forming any wild schemes, to which he seems rather inclined. He has some
+kind friends, no doubt; and remember, if there is anything in which I
+can be of use to him, he shall have my aid even to the half of my
+kingdom--that is, my tutorship."
+
+And with a smile and tone which seemed a mixture of jest and earnest, Mr
+Ormiston wished me good-morning. He was to leave for Oxford that night.
+
+Of Russell's address in town I was up to this moment ignorant, but
+resolved to find it out, and see him before my return to the University.
+The next morning, however, a note arrived from him, containing a simple
+request that I would call. I found him at the place from which he
+wrote--one of those dull quiet streets that lead out of the Strand--in
+very humble lodgings; his father's private establishment having been
+given up, it appeared, immediately. The moment we met, I saw at once,
+as I expected, that the blow which to Ormiston had naturally seemed so
+terrible a one--no less than the loss, to a young man, of the wealth,
+rank, and prospects in life to which he had been taught to look
+forward--had been, in fact, to Russell a merciful relief. The failure of
+that long-celebrated and trusted house, which was causing in the public
+mind, according to the papers, so much "consternation" and "excitement,"
+was to him a consummation long foreseen, and scarcely dreaded. It was
+only the shadow of wealth and happiness which he had lost now; its
+substance had vanished long since. And the conscious hollowness and
+hypocrisy, as he called it, of his late position, had been a far more
+bitter trial to a mind like his, than any which could result from its
+exposure. He was one to hail with joy any change which brought him back
+to truth and reality, no matter how rude and sudden the revulsion.
+
+He met me with a smile; a really honest, almost a light-hearted smile.
+"It is come at last, Hawthorne; perhaps it would be wrong, or I feel as
+if I could say, thank God. There is but one point which touches me at
+all; what do they say about my father?" I told him--fortunately, my
+acquaintance lying but little among men of business, I could tell him so
+honestly--that I had heard nothing stated to his discredit.
+
+"Well, well; but they will soon. Oh! Hawthorne; the utter misery, the
+curse that money-making brings with it! That joining house to house, and
+field to field, how it corrupts all the better part of a man's nature! I
+vow to you, I believe my father would have been an honest man if he had
+but been a poor one! If he had never had anything to do with interest
+tables, and had but spent his capital, instead of trying to double and
+redouble it! One thing I have to thank him for; that he never would
+suffer me to imbibe any taste for business; he knew the evil and the
+pollution money-handling brings with it--I am sure he did; he encouraged
+me, I fear, in extravagance; but I bless him that he never encouraged me
+in covetousness."
+
+He grew a little calmer by degrees, and we sat down and took counsel as
+to his future plans. He was not, of course, without friends, and had
+already had many offers of assistance for himself and his sister; but
+his heart appeared, for the present, firmly bent upon independence. Much
+to my surprise, he decided on returning at once to Oxford, and reading
+for his degree. His sister had some little property settled upon
+her--some hundred and fifty pounds a-year; and this she had insisted on
+devoting to this purpose.
+
+"I love her too well," said Russell, "to refuse her: and trifling as
+this sum is,--I remember the time when I should have thought it little
+to keep me in gloves and handkerchiefs--yet, with management, it
+will be more than I shall spend in Oxford. Of course, I play the
+gentleman-commoner no longer; I shall descend to the plain stuff gown."
+
+"You'll go to a hall, of course?" said I; for I concluded he would at
+least avoid the mortification of so palpable a confession of reduced
+circumstances as this degradation of rank in his old college would be.
+
+"I can see no occasion for it; that is, if they will allow me to change;
+I have done nothing to be ashamed of, and shall be much happier than I
+was before. I only strike my false colours; and you know they were never
+carried willingly."
+
+I did not attempt to dissuade him, and soon after rose to take my leave.
+
+"I cannot ask my sister to see you now," he said, as we shook hands:
+"she is not equal to it. But some other time, I hope"----
+
+"At any other time, I shall be most proud of the introduction. By the
+way, have you seen Ormiston? He met me this morning, and sent some kind
+messages, to offer any service in his power."
+
+"He did, did he?"
+
+"Yes; and, depend upon it, he will do all he can for you in college; you
+don't know him very well, I think; but I am sure he takes an interest in
+you now, at all events," I continued, "and no man is a more sincere and
+zealous friend."
+
+"I beg your pardon, Hawthorne, but I fancy I _do_ know Mr Ormiston very
+well."
+
+"Oh! I remember, there seemed some coolness between you, because you
+never would accept his invitations. Ormiston thought you were too proud
+to dine with him; and then _his_ pride, which he has his share of, took
+fire. But that misunderstanding must be all over now."
+
+"My dear Hawthorne, I believe Mr Ormiston and I understand each other
+perfectly. Good-morning; I am sorry to seem abrupt, but I have a host of
+things, not the most agreeable, to attend to."
+
+It seemed quite evident that there was some little prejudice on
+Russell's part against Ormiston. Possibly he did not like his attentions
+to his sister. But that was no business of mine, and I knew the other
+too well to doubt his earnest wish to aid and encourage a man of
+Russell's high principles, and in his unfortunate position. None of us
+always know our best friends.
+
+The step which Russell had resolved on taking was, of course, an
+unusual one. Even the college authorities strongly advised him to
+remove his name to the books of one of the halls, where he would enter
+comparatively as a stranger, and where his altered position would not
+entail so many painful feelings. Every facility was offered him of doing
+so at one of them where a relative of our Principal's was the head,
+and even a saving in expense might thus be effected. But this evident
+kindness and consideration on their part, only confirmed him in the
+resolution of remaining where he was. He met their representations with
+the graceful reply, that he had an attachment to the college which did
+not depend upon the rank he held in it, and that he trusted he should
+not be turned out of two homes at once. Even the heart of the splenetic
+little vice-principal was moved by this genuine tribute to the venerable
+walls, which to him, as his mistress's girdle to the poet, encircled all
+he loved, or hoped, or cared for; and had the date been some century
+earlier--in those remarkable times when a certain fellow was said to
+have owed his election into that body to a wondrous knack he had at
+compounding sherry-posset--it is probable Charles Russell would have
+stepped into a fellowship by special license at once.
+
+He had harder work before him, however, and he set stoutly to it. He got
+permission to lodge out of college--a privilege quite unusual, and
+apparently without any sufficient object in his case. A day or two after
+his return, he begged me to go with him to see the rooms he had taken:
+and I was surprised to find that although small, and not in a good part
+of the town, they were furnished in a style by no means, I thought, in
+accordance with the strict economy I knew him to be practising in every
+other respect. They contained, on a small scale, all the appointments of
+a lady's drawing-room. It was soon explained. His sister was coming to
+live with him. "We are but two, now," said Russell in explanation; "and
+though poor Mary has been offered what might have been a comfortable
+home elsewhere, which perhaps would have been more prudent, we both
+thought, why should we be separated? As to these little things you see,
+they are nearly all hers: we offered them to the creditors, but even the
+lawyers would not touch them: and here Mary and I shall live. Very
+strange, you think, for her to be here in Oxford with no one to take
+care of her but me; but she does not mind that, and we shall be
+together. However, Hawthorne, we shall keep a dragon: there is an old
+housekeeper who would not be turned off, and she comes down with Mary,
+and may pass for her aunt, if that's all; so don't, pray, be shocked at
+us."
+
+And so the old housekeeper did come down, and Mary with her; and under
+such guardianship, a brother and an old servant, was that fair girl
+installed within the perilous precincts of the University of Oxford;
+perilous in more senses than one, as many a speculative and disappointed
+mamma can testify, whose daughters, brought to market at the annual
+"show" at commemoration, have left uncaught those dons of dignity, and
+heirs-apparent of property, whom they ought to have caught, and caught
+those well-dressed and good-looking, but undesirable young men, whom
+they ought not to have caught. Mary Russell, however, was in little
+peril herself, and, as little as she could help it, an occasion of peril
+to others. Seldom did she move out from her humble abode, except for an
+early morning walk with her brother, or sometimes leaning on the arm of
+her old domestic, so plainly dressed that you might have mistaken her
+for her daughter, and wondered how those intensely expressive features,
+and queen-like graces, should have been bestowed by nature on one so
+humble. Many a thoughtful student, pacing slowly the parks or
+Christchurch meadow after early chapel, book in hand, cheating himself
+into the vain idea that he was taking a healthful walk, and roused by
+the flutter of approaching female dress, and unwillingly looking up to
+avoid the possible and unwelcome collision with a smirking nurse-maid
+and an unresisting baby--has met those eyes, and spoilt his reading for
+the morning; or has paused in the running tour of Headington hill, or
+Magdalen walk (by which he was endeavouring to cram his whole allotted
+animal exercise for the day into an hour), as that sweet vision crossed
+his path, and wondered in his heart by what happy tie of relationship,
+or still dearer claim, his fellow-undergraduate had secured to himself
+so lovely a companion; and has tried in vain, over his solitary
+breakfast, to rid himself of the heterodox notion which would still
+creep in upon his thoughts, that in the world there might be, after all,
+things better worth living and working for, prizes more valuable--and
+perhaps not harder to win--than a first class, and living impersonations
+of the beautiful which Aristotle had unaccountably left out. Forgive me,
+dear reader, if I seem to be somewhat sentimental: I am not, and I
+honestly believe I never was, in love with Mary Russell; I am not--I
+fear I never was or shall be--much of a reading man or an early riser;
+but I will confess, it would have been a great inducement to me to adopt
+such habits, if I could have insured such pleasant company in my morning
+walks.
+
+To the general world of Oxford, for a long time, I have no doubt the
+very existence of such a jewel within it was unknown; for at the hours
+when liberated tutors and idle undergraduates are wont to walk abroad,
+Mary was sitting, hid within a little ambush of geraniums, either busy
+at her work, or helping--as she loved to fancy she helped him--her
+brother at his studies. Few men, I believe, ever worked harder than
+Russell did in his last year. With the exception of the occasional early
+walk, and the necessary attendance at chapel and lecture, he read hard
+nearly the whole day; and I always attributed the fact of his being able
+to do so with comparatively little effort, and no injury to his health,
+to his having such a sweet face always present, to turn his eyes upon,
+when wearied with a page of Greek, and such a kind voice always ready to
+speak or to be silent.
+
+It was not for want of access to any other society that Mary Russell
+spent her time so constantly with her brother. The Principal, with his
+usual kind-heartedness, had insisted--a thing he seldom did--upon his
+lady making her acquaintance; and though Mrs Meredith, who plumed
+herself much upon her dignity, had made some show of resistance at first
+to calling upon a young lady who was living in lodgings by herself in
+one of the most out-of-the-way streets in Oxford, yet, after her first
+interview with Miss Russell, so much did her sweetness of manner win
+upon Mrs Principal's fancy--or perhaps it will be doing that lady but
+justice to say, so much did her more than orphan unprotectedness and
+changed fortunes soften the woman's heart that beat beneath that
+formidable exterior of silk and ceremony, that before the first ten
+minutes of what had been intended as a very condescending and very
+formal call were over, she had been offered a seat in Mrs Meredith's
+official pew in St Mary's; the pattern of a mysterious bag, which that
+good lady carried everywhere about with her, it was believed for no
+other purpose; and an airing the next day behind the fat old greys,
+which their affectionate coachman--in commemoration of his master's
+having purchased them at the time he held that dignity--always called by
+the name of the "Vice-Chancellors." Possibly an absurd incident, which
+Mary related with great glee to her brother and myself, had helped to
+thaw the ice in which "our governess" usually encased herself. When the
+little girl belonging to the lodgings opened the door to these dignified
+visitors, upon being informed that Miss Russell was at home, the
+Principal gave the name simply as "Dr and Mrs Meredith:" which, not
+appearing to his more pompous half at all calculated to convey a due
+impression of the honour conveyed by the visit, she corrected him, and
+in a tone quite audible--as indeed every word of the conversation
+had been--up the half-dozen steep stairs which led to the little
+drawing-room, gave out "the Master of ---- and lady, if you please." The
+word "master" was quite within the comprehension of the little domestic,
+and dropping an additional courtesy of respect to an office which
+reminded her of her catechism and the Sunday school, she selected the
+appropriate feminine from her own vocabulary, and threw open the door
+with "the master and mistress of ----, if you please, Miss." Dr Meredith
+laughed, as he entered, so heartily, that even Mary could not help
+smiling, and the "mistress," seeing the odds against her, smiled too. An
+acquaintance begun in such good humour, could hardly assume a very
+formal character; and, in fact, had Mary Russell not resolutely declined
+all society, Mrs Meredith would have felt rather a pleasure in
+patronising her. But both her straitened means and the painful
+circumstances of her position--her father already spoken of almost as
+a criminal--led her to court strict retirement; while she clung with
+redoubled affection to her brother. He, on his part, seemed to have
+improved in health and spirits since his change of fortunes; the
+apparent haughtiness and coldness with which many had charged him
+before, had quite vanished; he showed no embarrassment, far less any
+consciousness of degradation, in his conversation with any of his
+old messmates at the gentlemen-commoners' table; and, though his
+communication with the college was but comparatively slight, nearly all
+his time being spent in his lodgings, he was becoming quite a popular
+character.
+
+Meanwhile, a change of a different kind seemed to be coming over
+Ormiston. It was remarked, even by those not much given to observation,
+that his lectures, which were once considered endurable, even by idle
+men, from his happy talent of remark and illustration, were fast
+becoming as dull and uninteresting as the common run of all such
+business. Moreover, he had been in the habit of giving, occasionally,
+capital dinners, invitations to which were sent out frequently and
+widely among the young men of his own college; these ceased almost
+entirely; or, when they occurred, had but the shadow of their former
+joyousness. Even some of the fellows were known to have remarked that
+Ormiston was much altered lately; some said he was engaged to be
+married--a misfortune which would account for any imaginable
+eccentricities; but one of the best of the college livings falling
+vacant about the time, and, on its refusal by the two senior fellows,
+coming within Ormiston's acceptance, and being passed by him, tended
+very much to do away with any suspicion of that kind.
+
+Between him and Russell there was an evident coolness, though noticed by
+few men but myself; yet Ormiston always spoke most kindly of him, while
+on Russell's part there seemed to be a feeling almost approaching to
+bitterness, ill concealed, whenever the tutor became the subject of
+conversation. I pressed him once or twice upon the subject, but he
+always affected to misunderstand me, or laughed off any sarcastic remark
+he might have made, as meaning nothing; so that at last the name was
+seldom mentioned between us, and almost the only point on which we
+differed seemed to be our estimation of Ormiston.
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+It was the last night of the boat-races. All Oxford, town and gown, was
+on the move between Iffley and Christchurch meadow. The reading man had
+left his ethics only half understood, the rowing man his bottle more
+than half finished, to enjoy as beautiful a summer evening as ever
+gladdened the banks of Isis. One continued heterogeneous living stream
+was pouring on from St "_Ole's_" to King's barge, and thence across the
+river in punts, down to the starting-place by the lasher. One moment
+your tailor puffed a cigar in your face, and the next, just as you made
+some critical remark to your companion on the pretty girl you just
+passed, and turned round to catch a second glimpse of her, you trod on
+the toes of your college tutor. The contest that evening was of more
+than ordinary interest. The new Oriel boat, a London-built clipper, an
+innovation in those days, had bumped its other competitor easily in the
+previous race, and only Christchurch now stood between her and the head
+of the river. And would they, could they, bump Christchurch to-night?
+That was the question to which, for the time being, the coming
+examination and the coming St Leger both gave way. Christchurch, that
+had not been bumped for ten years before--whose old blue and white flag
+stuck at the top of the mast as if it had been nailed there--whose motto
+on the river had so long been "Nulli secundus?" It was an important
+question, and the Christchurch men evidently thought so. Steersman
+and pullers had been summoned up from the country, as soon as that
+impertinent new boat had begun to show symptoms of being a dangerous
+antagonist, by the rapid progress she was making from the bottom towards
+the head of the racing-boats. The old heroes of bygone contests were
+enlisted again, like the Roman legionaries, to fight the battles of
+their _vexillum_, the little three-cornered bit of blue-and-white silk
+before mentioned; and the whole betting society of Oxford were divided
+into two great parties, the Oriel and the Christchurch,--the supporters
+of the old, or of the new dynasty of eight oars.
+
+Never was signal more impatiently waited for than the pistol-shot which
+was to set the boats in motion that night. Hark! "Gentlemen,
+are--you--ready?" "No, no!" shouts some umpire, dissatisfied with the
+position of his own boat at the moment. "Gentlemen, are--you--ready?"
+Again "No, no, no!" How provoking! Christchurch and Oriel both
+beautifully placed, and that provoking Exeter, or Worcester, or some
+boat that no one but its own crew takes the slightest interest in
+to-night, right across the river! And it will be getting dusk soon. Once
+more--and even Wyatt, the starter, is getting impatient--"Are you
+ready?" Still a cry of "No, no," from some crew who evidently never will
+be satisfied. But there goes the pistol. They're off, by all that's
+glorious! "Now Oriel!" "Now Christchurch!" Hurrah! beautifully are both
+boats pulled--how they lash along the water! Oriel gains evidently! But
+they have not got into their speed yet, and the light boat has the best
+of it at starting. "Hurrah, Oriel, it's all your own way!" "Now,
+Christchurch, away with her!" Scarcely is an eye turned on the boats
+behind; and, indeed, the two first are going fast away from them. They
+reach the Gut, and at the turn Oriel presses her rival hard. The cheers
+are deafening; bets are three to one. She must bump her! "Now,
+Christchurch, go to work in the straight water!" Never did a crew pull
+so well, and never at such a disadvantage. Their boat is a tub compared
+with the Oriel. See how she buries her bow at every stroke. Hurrah,
+Christchurch! The old boat for ever! Those last three strokes gained a
+yard on Oriel! She holds her own still! Away they go, those old steady
+practised oars, with that long slashing stroke, and the strength and
+pluck begins to tell. Well pulled, Oriel! Now for it! Not an oar out of
+time, but as true together as a set of teeth! But it won't do! Still
+Christchurch, by sheer dint of muscle, keeps her distance, and the old
+flag floats triumphant yet another year.
+
+Nearly hustled to death in the rush up with the racing boats, I panted
+into the stern sheets of a four-oar lying under the bank, in which I saw
+Leicester and some others of my acquaintance. "Well, Horace," said I,
+"what do you think of Christchurch now?" (I had sufficient Tory
+principle about me at all times to be a zealous supporter of the "old
+cause," even in the matter of boat-racing.) "How are your bets upon the
+London clipper, eh?" "Lost, by Jove," said he; "but Oriel ought to have
+done it to-night; why, they bumped all the other boats easily, and
+Christchurch was not so much better; but it was the old oars coming up
+from the country that did it. But what on earth is all that rush about
+up by the barges? They surely are not going to fight it out after all?"
+
+Something had evidently occurred which was causing great confusion; the
+cheering a moment before had been deafening from the partisans of
+Christchurch, as the victorious crew, pale and exhausted with the
+prodigious efforts they had made, mustered their last strength to throw
+their oars aloft in triumph, and then slowly, one by one, ascended into
+the house-boat which formed their floating dressing-room; it had now
+suddenly ceased, and confused shouts and murmurs, rather of alarm than
+of triumph, were heard instead: men were running to and fro on both
+banks of the river, but the crowd both in the boats on the river and on
+shore made it impossible for us to see what was going on. We scrambled
+up the bank, and were making for the scene of action, when one of the
+river-officials ran hastily by in the direction of Iffley.
+
+"What's the matter, Jack?"
+
+"Punt gone down, sir," he replied without stopping; "going for the
+drags."
+
+"Anybody drowning?" we shouted after him.
+
+"Don't know how many was in her, sir," sung out Jack in the distance. We
+ran on. The confusion was terrible; every one was anxious to be of use,
+and more likely therefore to increase the danger. The punt which had
+sunk had been, as usual on such occasions, overloaded with men, some of
+whom had soon made good their footing on the neighbouring barges; others
+were still clinging to their sides, or by their endeavours to raise
+themselves into some of the light wherries and four oars, which, with
+more zeal than prudence, were crowding to their assistance, were
+evidently bringing a new risk upon themselves and their rescuers. Two of
+the last of the racing eights, too, coming up to the winning-post at the
+moment of the accident, and endeavouring vainly to back water in time,
+had run into each other, and lay helplessly across the channel, adding
+to the confusion, and preventing the approach of more efficient aid to
+the parties in the water. For some minutes it seemed that the disaster
+must infallibly extend itself. One boat, whose crew had incautiously
+crowded too much to one side, in their eagerness to aid one of the
+sufferers in his struggles to get on board, had already been upset,
+though fortunately not in the deepest water, so that the men, with a
+little assistance, easily got on shore. Hundreds were vociferating
+orders and advice, which few could hear, and none attended to. The most
+effectual aid that had been rendered was the launching of two large
+planks from the University barge, with ropes attached to them, which
+several of those who had been immersed succeeded in reaching, and so
+were towed safely ashore. Still, however, several were seen struggling
+in the water, two or three with evidently relaxing efforts; and the
+unfortunate punt, which had righted and come up again, though full of
+water, had two of her late passengers clinging to her gunwale, and thus
+barely keeping their heads above the water's edge. The watermen had done
+their utmost to be of service, but the University men crowded so rashly
+into every punt that put off to the aid of their companions, that
+their efforts would have been comparatively abortive, had not one
+of the pro-proctors jumped into one, with two steady hands, and
+authoritatively ordering every man back who attempted to accompany him,
+reached the middle of the river, and having rescued those who were in
+most imminent danger, succeeded in clearing a sufficient space round the
+spot to enable the drags to be used (for it was quite uncertain whether
+there might not still be some individuals missing). Loud cheers from
+each bank followed this very sensible and seasonable exercise of
+authority; another boat, by this example, was enabled to disencumber
+herself of superfluous hands, and by their united exertions all who
+could be seen in the water were soon picked up and placed in safety.
+When the excitement had in some degree subsided, there followed a
+suspense which was even more painful, as the drags were slowly moved
+again and again across the spot where the accident had taken place.
+Happily our alarm proved groundless. One body was recovered, not an
+University man, and in his case the means promptly used to restore
+animation were successful. But it was not until late in the evening that
+the search was given up, and even the next morning it was a sensible
+relief to hear that no college had found any of its members missing.
+
+I returned to my rooms as soon as all reasonable apprehension of a fatal
+result had subsided, though before the men had left off dragging; and
+was somewhat surprised, and at first amused, to recognise, sitting
+before the fire in the disguise of my own dressing-gown and slippers,
+Charles Russell.
+
+"Hah! Russell, what brings you here at this time of night?" said I;
+"however, I'm very glad to see you."
+
+"Well, I'm not sorry to find myself here, I can tell you; I have been in
+a less comfortable place to-night."
+
+"What do you mean?" said I, as a suspicion of the truth flashed upon
+me--"Surely"----
+
+"I have been in the water, that's all," replied Russell quietly; "don't
+be alarmed, my good fellow, I'm all right now. John has made me quite at
+home here, you see. We found your clothes a pretty good fit, got up a
+capital fire at last, and I was only waiting for you to have some
+brandy-and-water. Now, don't look so horrified, pray."
+
+In spite of his good spirits, I thought he looked pale; and I was
+somewhat shocked at the danger he had been in--more so from the
+suddenness of the information.
+
+"Why," said I, as I began to recall the circumstance, "Leicester and I
+came up not two minutes after it happened, and watched nearly every man
+that was got out. You could not have been in the water long then, I
+hope?"
+
+"Nay, as to that," said Russell, "it seemed long enough to me, I can
+tell you, though I don't recollect all of it. I got underneath a punt or
+something, which prevented my coming up as soon as I ought."
+
+"How did you get out at last?"
+
+"Why, that I don't quite remember; I found myself on the walk by King's
+barge; but they had to turn me upside down, I fancy, to empty me. I'll
+take that brandy by itself, Hawthorne, for I think I have the necessary
+quantity of water stowed away already."
+
+"Good heavens! don't joke about it; why, what an escape you must have
+had!"
+
+"Well, seriously then, Hawthorne, I _have_ had a very narrow escape, for
+which I am very thankful; but I don't want to alarm any one about it,
+for fear it should reach my sister's ears, which I very much wish to
+avoid, for the present at all events. So I came up to your rooms here as
+soon as I could walk. Luckily, John saw me down at the water, so I came
+up with him, and got rid of a good many civil people who offered their
+assistance; and I have sent down to the lodgings to tell Mary I have
+staid to supper with you; so I shall get home quietly, and she will know
+nothing about this business. Fortunately, she is not in the way of
+hearing much Oxford gossip, poor girl!"
+
+Russell sat with me about an hour, and then, as he said he felt very
+comfortable, I walked home with him to the door of his lodgings, where I
+wished him good night, and returned.
+
+I had intended to have paid him an early visit the next morning; but
+somehow I was lazier than usual, and had scarcely bolted my commons in
+time to get to lecture. This over, I was returning to my rooms, when my
+scout met me.
+
+"Oh, sir," said he, "Mr Smith has just been here, and wanted to see you,
+he said, particular."
+
+Mr Smith? Of all the gentlemen there might be of that name in Oxford, I
+thought I had not the honour of a personal acquaintance with one.
+
+"Mr Russell's Mr Smith, sir," explained John: "the little gentleman as
+used to come to his rooms so often."
+
+I walked up the staircase, ruminating within myself what possible
+business "poor Smith" could have with me, of whom he had usually
+appeared to entertain a degree of dread. Something to do with Russell,
+probably. And I had half resolved to take the opportunity to call upon
+him, and try to make out who and what he was, and how he and Russell
+came to be so intimately acquainted. I had scarcely stuck old Herodotus
+back into his place on the shelf, however, when there came a gentle tap
+at the door, and the little Bible-clerk made his appearance. All
+diffidence and shyness had wholly vanished from his manner. There was an
+earnest expression in his countenance which struck me even before he
+spoke. I had scarcely time to utter the most commonplace civility, when,
+without attempt at explanation or apology, he broke out with--"Oh, Mr
+Hawthorne, have you seen Russell this morning?"
+
+"No," said I, thinking he might possibly have heard some false report of
+the late accident--"but he was in my rooms last night, and none the
+worse for his wetting."
+
+"Oh, yes, yes! I know that; but pray, come down and see him now--he is
+very, very ill, I fear."
+
+"You don't mean it? What on earth is the matter?"
+
+"Oh! he has been in a high fever all last night! and they say he is
+worse this morning--Dr Wilson and Mr Lane are both with him--and poor
+Miss Russell!--he does not know her--not know his sister; and oh, Mr
+Hawthorne, he must be _very_ ill! and they won't let me go to him!"
+
+And poor Smith threw himself into a chair, and fairly burst into tears.
+
+I was very much distressed too: but, at the moment, I really believe I
+felt more pity for the poor lad before me, than even apprehension for my
+friend Russell. I went up to him, shook his hand, and begged him to
+compose himself. Delirium, I assured him--and tried hard to assure
+myself--was the usual concomitant of fever, and not at all alarming.
+Russell had taken a chill, no doubt, from the unlucky business of the
+last evening, but there could not be much danger in so short a time.
+"And now, Smith," said I, "just take a glass of wine, and you and I
+will go down together, and I dare say we shall find him better by this
+time."
+
+"Oh, thank you, thank you," he replied; "you are very kind--very kind
+indeed--no wine, thank you--I could not drink it: but oh! if they would
+only let me see him! And poor Miss Russell! and no one to attend to him
+but her!--but will you come down now directly?"
+
+My own anxiety was not less than his, and in a very few minutes we were
+at the door of Russell's lodgings. The answer to our inquiries was, that
+he was in much the same state, and that he was to be kept perfectly
+quiet; the old housekeeper was in tears; and although she said Dr Wilson
+told them he hoped there would be a change for the better soon, it was
+evident that poor Russell was at present in imminent danger.
+
+I sent up my compliments to Miss Russell to offer my services in any way
+in which they could be made available; but nothing short of the most
+intimate acquaintance could have justified any attempt to see her at
+present, and we left the house. I thought I should never have got Smith
+from the door; he seemed thoroughly overcome. I begged him to come with
+me back to my rooms--a Bible-clerk has seldom too many friends in the
+University, and it seemed cruel to leave him by himself in such evident
+distress of mind. Attached as I was to Russell myself, his undisguised
+grief really touched me, and almost made me reproach myself with being
+comparatively unfeeling. At any other time, I fear it might have annoyed
+me to encounter as I did the inquisitive looks of some of my friends, as
+I entered the college gates arm-in-arm with my newly-found and somewhat
+strange-looking acquaintance. As it was, the only feeling that arose in
+my mind was a degree of indignation that any man should venture to throw
+a supercilious glance at him; and if I longed to replace his shabby and
+ill-cut coat by something more gentlemanly in appearance, it was for his
+sake, and not my own.
+
+And now it was that, for the first time, I learnt the connection that
+existed between the Bible-clerk and the quondam gentleman-commoner.
+Smith's father had been for many years a confidential clerk in Mr
+Russell's bank; for Mr Russell's bank it was solely, the Smith who had
+been one of the original partners having died some two generations back,
+though the name of the firm, as is not unusual, had been continued
+without alteration. The clerk was a poor relation, in some distant
+degree, of the some-time partner: his father, too, had been a clerk
+before him. By strict carefulness, he had saved some little money during
+his many years of hard work: and this, by special favour on the part of
+Mr Russell, he had been allowed to invest in the bank capital, and
+thereby to receive a higher rate of interest for it than he could
+otherwise have obtained. The elder Smith's great ambition--indeed it was
+his only ambition--for the prosperity of the bank itself he looked upon
+as a law of nature, which did not admit of the feeling of hope, as being
+a fixed and immutable certainty--his ambition was to bring up his son as
+a gentleman. Mr Russell would have given him a stool and a desk, and he
+might have aspired hereafter to his father's situation, which would have
+assured him L250 per annum. But somehow the father did not wish the son
+to tread in his own steps. Perhaps the close confinement, and
+unrefreshing relaxations of a London clerk, had weighed heavily upon his
+own youthful spirits: perhaps he was anxious to spare the son of his old
+age--for, like a prudent man, he had not married until late in
+life--from the unwholesome toils of the counting-house, varied only too
+often by the still less wholesome dissipation of the evening. At all
+events, his visions for him were not of annually increasing salaries,
+and future independence: of probable partnerships, and possible
+lord-mayoralties; but of some cottage among green trees, far away in the
+quiet country, where, even as a country parson, people would touch their
+hats to him as they did to Mr Russell himself, and where, when the time
+should come for superannuation and a pension--the house had always
+behaved liberally to its old servants--his own last days might be
+happily spent in listening to his son's sermons, and smoking his
+pipe--if such a thing were lawful--in the porch of the parsonage. So
+while the principal was carefully training his heir to enact the
+fashionable man at Oxford, and in due time to take his place among the
+squires of England, and shunning, as if with a kind of remorseful
+conscience, to make him a sharer in his own contaminating speculations;
+the humble official too, but from far purer motives, was endeavouring in
+his degree, perhaps unconsciously, to deliver his boy from the snares of
+Mammon. And when Charles Russell was sent to the University, many were
+the inquiries which Smith's anxious parent made, among knowing friends,
+about the expenses and advantages of an Oxford education. And various,
+according to each individual's sanguine or saturnine temperament, were
+the answers he obtained, and tending rather to his bewilderment than
+information. One intimate acquaintance assured him, that the necessary
+expenses of an undergraduate _need_ not exceed a hundred pounds per
+annum: another--he was somewhat of a sporting character--did not believe
+any young man could do the thing like a gentleman under five. So Mr
+Smith would probably have given up his darling project for his son in
+despair, if he had not fortunately thought of consulting Mr Russell
+himself upon the point; and that gentleman, though somewhat surprised at
+his clerk's aspiring notions, good-naturedly solved the difficulty as
+to ways and means, by procuring for his son a Bible-clerk's appointment
+at one of the Halls, upon which he could support himself respectably,
+with comparatively little pecuniary help from his friends. With his
+connections and interest, it was no great stretch of friendly exertion
+in behalf of an old and trusted servant; but to the Smiths, father
+and son, both the munificence which designed such a favour, and the
+influence which could secure it, tended to strengthen if possible their
+previous conviction that the power and the bounty of the house of
+Russell came within a few degrees of omnipotence. Even now, when recent
+events had so fearfully shaken them from this delusion; when the
+father's well-earned savings had disappeared in the general wreck with
+the hoards of wealthier creditors, and the son was left almost wholly
+dependent on the slender proceeds of his humble office; even now, as he
+told me the circumstances just mentioned, regret at the ruined fortunes
+of his benefactors seemed in a great measure to overpower every personal
+feeling. In the case of the younger Russell, indeed, this gratitude was
+not misplaced. No sooner was he aware of the critical situation of his
+father's affairs, and the probability of their involving all connected
+with him, than, even in the midst of his own harassing anxieties, he
+turned his attention to the prospects of the young Bible-clerk, whose
+means of support, already sufficiently narrow, were likely to be further
+straitened in the event of a bankruptcy of the firm. His natural
+good-nature had led him to take some little notice of young Smith on his
+first entrance at the University, and he knew his merits as a scholar to
+be very indifferent. The obscure suburban boarding-school at which he
+had been educated, in spite of its high-sounding name--"Minerva House,"
+I believe--was no very sufficient preparation for Oxford. Where the
+Greek and the washing are both extras at three guineas per annum, one
+clean shirt in the week, and one lesson in _Delectus_, are perhaps as
+much as can reasonably be expected. Poor Smith had, indeed, a fearful
+amount of up-hill work, to qualify himself even for his "little-go."
+Charles Russell, not less to his surprise than to his unbounded
+gratitude, inasmuch as he was wholly ignorant of his motives for taking
+so much trouble, undertook to assist and direct him in his reading: and
+Smith, when he had got over his first diffidence, having a good share of
+plain natural sense, and hereditary habits of plodding, made more rapid
+progress than might have been expected. The frequent visits to Russell's
+rooms, whose charitable object neither I nor any one else could have
+guessed, had resulted in a very safe pass through his first formidable
+ordeal, and he seemed now to have little fear of eventual success for
+his degree, with a strong probability of being privileged to starve
+upon a curacy thereafter. But for Russell's aid, he would, in all
+likelihood, have been remanded from his first examination back to his
+father's desk, to the bitter mortification of the old man at the time,
+and to become an additional burden to him on the loss at once of his
+situation and his little capital.
+
+Poor Smith! it was no wonder that, at the conclusion of his story,
+interrupted constantly by broken expressions of gratitude, he wrung his
+hands, and called Charles Russell the only friend he had in the world.
+"And, oh! if he were to die! Do you think he will die?"
+
+I assured him I hoped and trusted not; and with the view of relieving
+his and my own suspense, though it was little more than an hour since we
+had left his lodgings, we went down again to make inquiries. The street
+door was open, and so was that of the landlady's little parlour, so we
+walked in at once. She shook her head in reply to our inquiries. "Dr
+Wilson has been up-stairs with him, sir, for the last hour nearly, and
+he has sent twice to the druggist's for some things, and I fancy he's no
+better at all events."
+
+"How is Miss Russell?" I inquired.
+
+"Oh, sir, she don't take on much--not at all, as I may say; but she
+don't speak to nobody, and she don't take nothing: twice I have carried
+her up some tea, poor thing, and she just tasted it because I begged
+her, and she wouldn't refuse me, I know--but, poor dear young lady! it
+is very hard upon her, and she all alone like."
+
+"Will you take up my compliments--Mr Hawthorne--and ask if I can be of
+any possible service?" said I, scarce knowing what to say or do. Poor
+girl! she was indeed to be pitied; her father ruined, disgraced, and a
+fugitive from the law; his only son--the heir of such proud hopes and
+expectations once--lying between life and death; her only brother, her
+only counsellor and protector, now unable to recognise or to speak to
+her--and she so unused to sorrow or hardship, obliged to struggle on
+alone, and exert herself to meet the thousand wants and cares of
+illness, with the added bitterness of poverty.
+
+The answer to my message was brought back by the old housekeeper, Mrs
+Saunders. She shook her head, said her young mistress was very much
+obliged, and would be glad if I would call and see her brother
+to-morrow, when she hoped he would be better. "But oh, sir!" she added,
+"he will never be better any more! I know the doctors don't think so,
+but I can't tell her, poor thing--I try to keep her up, sir; but I do
+wish some of her own friends were here--she won't write to anybody, and
+I don't know the directions"--and she stopped, for her tears were almost
+convulsing her.
+
+I could not remain to witness misery which I could do nothing to
+relieve; so I took Smith by the arm--for he stood by the door
+half-stupified--and proceeded back towards college. He had to mark the
+roll at his own chapel that evening; so we parted at the top of the
+street, after I had made him promise to come to breakfast with me in the
+morning. Russell's illness cast a universal gloom over the college that
+evening; and when the answer to our last message, sent down as late as
+we could venture to do, was still unfavourable, it was with anxious
+anticipation that we awaited any change which the morrow might bring.
+
+The next day passed, and still Russell remained in the same state. He
+was in a high fever, and either perfectly unconscious of all around him,
+or talking in that incoherent and yet earnest strain, which is more
+painful to those who have to listen to and to soothe it than even the
+total prostration of the reason. No one was allowed to see him; and his
+professional attendants, though they held out hopes founded on his youth
+and good constitution, acknowledged that every present symptom was most
+unfavourable.
+
+The earliest intelligence on the third morning was, that the patient had
+passed a very bad night, and was much the same; but in the course of an
+hour or two afterwards, a message came to me to say that Mr Russell
+would be glad to see me. I rushed, rather than ran, down to his
+lodgings, in a perfect exultation of hope, and was so breathless with
+haste and excitement when I arrived there, that I was obliged to pause a
+few moments to calm myself before I raised the carefully muffled
+knocker. My joy was damped at once by poor Mrs Saunders' mournful
+countenance.
+
+"Your master is better, I hope--is he not?" said I.
+
+"I am afraid not, sir; but he is very quiet now: and he knew his poor
+dear sister; and then he asked if any one had been to see him, and we
+mentioned you, sir; and then he said he should like to see you very
+much, and so Miss made bold to send to you--if you please to wait, sir,
+I'll tell her you are here."
+
+In a few moments she returned--Miss Russell would see me if I would walk
+up.
+
+I followed her into the little drawing-room, and there, very calm and
+very pale, sat Mary Russell. Though her brother and myself had now so
+long been constant companions, I had seen but very little of her; on the
+very few evenings I had spent with Russell at his lodgings she had
+merely appeared to make tea for us, had joined but little in the
+conversation, and retired almost before the table was cleared. In her
+position, this behaviour seemed but natural; and as, in spite of the
+attraction of her beauty, there was a shade of that haughtiness and
+distance of manner which we had all at first fancied in her brother, I
+had begun to feel a respectful kind of admiration for Mary Russell,
+tinged, I may now venture to admit--I was barely twenty at the
+time--with a slight degree of awe. Her very misfortunes threw over her a
+sort of sanctity. She was too beautiful not to rivet the gaze, too noble
+and too womanly in her devotion to her brother not to touch the
+affections, but too cold and silent--almost as it seemed too sad--to
+love. Her brother seldom spoke of her; but when he did, it was in a tone
+which showed--what he did not care to conceal--his deep affection and
+anxious care for her; he watched her every look and movement whenever
+she was present; and if his love erred in any point, it was, that it
+seemed possible it might be even too sensitive and jealous for her own
+happiness.
+
+The blinds were drawn close down, and the little room was very dark; yet
+I could see at a glance the work which anguish had wrought upon her in
+the last two days, and, though no tears were to be seen now, they had
+left their traces only too plainly. She did not rise, or trust herself
+to speak; but she held out her hand to me as if we had been friends from
+childhood. And if thorough sympathy, and mutual confidence, and true but
+pure affection, make such friendship, then surely we became so from that
+moment. I never thought Mary Russell cold again; yet I did not dream of
+loving her; she was my sister in everything but the name.
+
+I broke the silence of our painful meeting--painful as it was, yet not
+without that inward throb of pleasure which always attends the awakening
+of hidden sympathies. What I said I forget; what does one, or can one
+say, at such moments, but words utterly meaningless, so far as they
+affect to be an expression of what we feel? The hearts understand each
+other without language, and with that we must be content.
+
+"He knew me a little while ago," said Mary Russell at last; "and asked
+for you; and I knew you would be kind enough to come directly if I
+sent."
+
+"Surely it must be a favourable symptom, this return of consciousness?"
+
+"We will hope so: yes, I thought it was; and oh! how glad I was! But Dr
+Wilson does not say much, and I fear he thinks him weaker. I will go now
+and tell him you are come."
+
+"You can see him now if you please," she said when she returned; "he
+seems perfectly sensible still; and when I said you were here, he looked
+quite delighted." She turned away, and, for the first time, her emotion
+mastered her.
+
+I followed her into her brother's room. He did not look so ill as I
+expected; but I saw with great anxiety, as I drew nearer his bed, that
+his face was still flushed with fever, and his eye looked wild and
+excited. He was evidently, however, at present free from delirium, and
+recognised me at once. His sister begged him not to speak much, or ask
+questions, reminding him of the physician's strict injunctions with
+regard to quiet.
+
+"Dr Wilson forgets, my love, that it is as necessary at least for the
+mind to be quiet as the tongue," said Russell with an attempt to smile;
+and then, after a pause, he added, as he took my hand, "I wanted to see
+you, Hawthorne; I know I am in very great danger; and, once more, I want
+to trouble you with a confidence. Nay, nothing very important; and pray,
+don't ask me, as I see you are going to do, not to tire myself with
+talking: I know what I am going to say, and will try to say it very
+shortly; but thinking is at least as bad for me as speaking." He paused
+again from weakness; Miss Russell had left the room. I made no reply. He
+half rose, and pointed to a writing-desk on a small table, with keys in
+the lock. I moved towards it, and opened it, as I understood his
+gestures; and brought to him, at his request, a small bundle of letters,
+from which he selected one, and gave it me to read. It was a banker's
+letter, dated some months back, acknowledging the receipt of three
+hundred pounds to Russell's credit, and enclosing the following note:--
+
+     "SIR,--Messrs ---- are directed to inform you of the sum of L300
+     placed to your credit. You will be wrongly advised if you scruple
+     to use it. If at any time you are enabled, and desire it, it may be
+     repaid through the same channel.
+
+               "ONE OF YOUR FATHER'S CREDITORS."
+
+"I have never touched it," said Russell, as I folded up the note.
+
+"I should have feared you would not," said I.
+
+"But now," he proceeded, "now things seem changed with me. I shall want
+money--Mary will; and I shall draw upon this unseen charity; ay, and
+gratefully. Poor Mary!"
+
+"You are quite right, my dear Russell," said I, eager to interrupt a
+train of thought which I saw would be too much for him. "I will manage
+all that for you, and you shall give me the necessary authority till you
+get well again yourself," I added in a tone meant to be cheerful.
+
+He took no notice of my remark. "I fear," said he, "I have not been a
+wise counsellor to my poor sister. She had kind offers from more than
+one of our friends, and might have had a home more suited to her than
+this has been, and I allowed her to choose to sacrifice all her own
+prospects to mine!"
+
+He turned his face away, and I knew that one painful thought besides was
+in his mind--that they had been solely dependent on her little income
+for his support at the University since his father's failure.
+
+"Russell," said I gently, "this conversation can surely do no good; why
+distress yourself and me unnecessarily? Come, I shall leave you now, or
+your sister will scold me. Pray, for all our sakes, try to sleep; you
+know how desirable it is, and how much stress Dr Wilson has laid upon
+your being kept perfectly calm and quiet."
+
+"I will, Hawthorne, I will try; but oh, I have so much to think of!"
+
+Distressed and anxious, I could only take my leave of him for the
+present, feeling how much there was, indeed, in his circumstances to
+make rest even more necessary, and more difficult to obtain, for the
+mind than for the body.
+
+I had returned to the sitting-room, and was endeavouring to give as
+hopeful answers as I could to Miss Russell's anxious inquiries as to
+what I thought of her brother, when a card was brought up, with a
+message that Mr Ormiston was below, and "would be very glad if he could
+see Miss Russell for a few moments, at any hour she would mention, in
+the course of the day."
+
+Ormiston! I started, I really did not know why. Miss Russell started
+also, visibly; did she know why? Her back was turned to me at the
+moment; she had moved, perhaps intentionally, the moment the message
+became intelligible, so that I had no opportunity of watching the effect
+it produced, which I confess I had an irrepressible anxiety to do. She
+was silent until I felt my position becoming awkward: I was rising to
+take leave, which perhaps would have made hers even more so, when, half
+turning round towards me, with a tone and gesture almost of command, she
+said, "Stay!" and then, in reply to the servant, who was still waiting,
+"Ask Mr Ormiston to walk up."
+
+I felt the few moments of expectation which ensued to be insufferably
+embarrassing. I tried to persuade myself it was my own folly to think
+them so. Why should Ormiston _not_ call at the Russells, under such
+circumstances? As college tutor, he stood almost in the relation of a
+natural guardian to Russell; had he not at least as much right to assume
+the privilege of a friend of the family as I had, with the additional
+argument, that he was likely to be much more useful in that capacity? He
+had known them longer, at all events, and any little coolness between
+the brother and himself was not a matter, I felt persuaded, to be
+remembered by him at such a moment, or to induce any false punctilio
+which might stand in the way of his offering his sympathy and assistance
+when required. But the impression on my mind was strong--stronger,
+perhaps, than any facts within my knowledge fairly warranted--that
+between Ormiston and Mary Russell there either was, or had been,
+some feeling which, whether acknowledged or unacknowledged--whether
+reciprocal or on one side only--whether crushed by any of those
+thousand crosses to which such feelings, fragile as they are precious,
+are liable, or only repressed by circumstances and awaiting its
+development--would make their meeting under such circumstances not that
+of ordinary acquaintances. And once again I rose, and would have gone;
+but again Mary Russell's sweet voice--and this time it was an accent
+of almost piteous entreaty, so melted and subdued were its tones,
+as if her spirit was failing her--begged me to remain--"I have
+something--something to consult you about--my brother."
+
+She stopped, for Ormiston's step was at the door. I had naturally--not
+from any ungenerous curiosity to scan her feelings--raised my eyes to
+her countenance while she spoke to me, and could not but mark that
+her emotion amounted almost to agony. Ormiston entered: whatever his
+feelings were, he concealed them well; not so readily, however, could he
+suppress his evident astonishment, and almost as evident vexation, when
+he first noticed my presence: an actor in the drama for whose appearance
+he was manifestly unprepared. He approached Miss Russell, who never
+moved, with some words of ordinary salutation, but uttered in a low and
+earnest tone, and offered his hand, which she took at once, without any
+audible reply. Then turning to me, he asked if Russell were any better?
+I answered somewhat indefinitely, and Miss Russell, to whom he turned
+as for a reply, shook her head, and, sinking into a chair, hid her face
+in her hands. Ormiston took a seat close by her, and after a pause of a
+moment said,
+
+"I trust your very natural anxiety for your brother makes you inclined
+to anticipate more danger than really exists, Miss Russell: but I have
+to explain my own intrusion upon you at such a moment"--and he gave me
+a glance which was meant to be searching--"I called by the particular
+request of the Principal, Dr Meredith."
+
+Miss Russell could venture upon no answer, and he went on, speaking
+somewhat hurriedly and with embarrassment.
+
+"Mrs Meredith has been from home some days, and the Principal himself
+has the gout severely; he feared you might think it unkind their not
+having called, and he begged me to be his deputy. Indeed he insisted on
+my seeing you in person, to express his very sincere concern for your
+brother's illness, and to beg that you will so far honour him--consider
+him sufficiently your friend, he said--as to send to his house for
+anything which Russell could either want or fancy, which, in lodgings,
+there might be some difficulty in finding at hand. In one respect, Miss
+Russell," continued Ormiston in somewhat a more cheerful tone, "your
+brother is fortunate in not being laid up within the college walls; we
+are not very good nurses there, as Hawthorne can tell you, though we do
+what we can; yet I much fear this watching and anxiety have been too
+much for you."
+
+Her tears began to flow freely; there was nothing in Ormiston's words,
+but their tone implied deep feeling. Yet who, however indifferent, could
+look upon her helpless situation, and not be moved? I walked to the
+window, feeling terribly out of place where I was, yet uncertain whether
+to go or stay: for my own personal comfort, I would sooner have faced
+the collected anger of a whole common-room, called to investigate my
+particular misdemeanours; but to take leave at this moment seemed as
+awkward as to stay; besides, had not Miss Russell appeared almost
+imploringly anxious for me to spare her a _tete-a-tete_?
+
+"My poor brother is very, very ill, Mr Ormiston," she said at last,
+raising her face, from which every trace of colour had again
+disappeared, and which seemed now as calm as ever. "Will you thank Dr
+Meredith for me, and say I will without hesitation avail myself of his
+most kind offers, if anything should occur to make his assistance
+necessary."
+
+"I can be of no use myself in any way?" said Ormiston with some
+hesitation.
+
+"I thank you, no," she replied; and then, as if conscious that her tone
+was cold, she added--"You are very kind: Mr Hawthorne was good enough to
+say the same. Every one is very kind to us, indeed; but"--and here she
+stopped again, her emotion threatening to master her; and Ormiston and
+myself simultaneously took our leave.
+
+Preoccupied as my mind had been by anxiety on Russell's account, it did
+not prevent a feeling of awkwardness when I found myself alone with Mr
+Ormiston outside the door of his lodgings. It was impossible to devise
+any excuse at the moment for turning off in a different direction, as I
+felt very much inclined to do; for the little street in which he lived
+was not much of a thoroughfare. The natural route for both of us to take
+was that which led towards the High Street, for a few hundred steps the
+other way would have brought us out into the country, where it is not
+usual for either tutors or undergraduates to promenade in cap and gown,
+as they do, to the great admiration of the rustics, in our sister
+university. We walked on together, therefore, feeling--I will answer at
+least for one of us--that it would be an especial relief just then to
+meet the greatest bore with whom we had any pretence of a speaking
+acquaintance, or pass any shop in which we could frame the most
+threadbare excuse of having business, to cut short the embarrassment of
+each other's company. After quitting any scene in which deep feelings
+have been displayed, and in which our own have been not slightly
+interested, it is painful to feel called upon to make any comment on
+what has passed; we feel ashamed to do so in the strain and tone which
+would betray our own emotion, and we have not the heart to do so
+carelessly or indifferently. I should have felt this, even had I been
+sure that Ormiston's feelings towards Mary Russell had been nothing more
+than my own; whereas, in fact, I was almost sure of the contrary; in
+which case it was possible that, in his eyes, my own _locus standi_ in
+that quarter, surprised as I had been in an apparently very confidential
+interview, might seem to require some explanation which would be
+indelicate to ask for directly, and which it might not mend matters if I
+were to give indirectly without being asked. So we proceeded some paces
+up the little quiet street, gravely and silently, neither of us speaking
+a word. At last Ormiston asked me if I had seen Russell, and how I
+thought him? adding, without waiting for a reply, "Dr Wilson, I fear
+from what he told me, thinks but badly of him."
+
+"I am very sorry to hear you say so," I replied; and then ventured to
+remark how very wretched it would be for his sister in the event of his
+growing worse, to be left at such a time so utterly helpless and alone.
+
+He was silent for some moments. "Some of her friends," he said at last,
+"ought to come down; she must have friends, I know, who would come if
+they were sent for. I wish Mrs Meredith were returned--she might advise
+her."
+
+He spoke rather in a soliloquy than as addressing me, and I did not feel
+called upon to make any answer. The next moment we arrived at the turn
+of the street, and, by what seemed a mutual impulse, wished each other
+good morning.
+
+I went straight down to Smith's rooms, at ----Hall, to get him to come
+and dine with me; for I pitied the poor fellow's forlorn condition, and
+considered myself in some degree bound to supply Russell's place towards
+him. A Bible-clerk's position in the University is always more or less
+one of mortification and constraint. It is true that the same academical
+degree, the same honours--if he can obtain them--the same position in
+after life--all the solid advantages of a University education, are open
+to him, as to other men; but, so long as his undergraduateship lasts, he
+stands in a very different position from other men, and he feels
+it--feels it, too, through three or four of those years of life when
+such feelings are most acute, and when that strength of mind which is
+the only antidote--which can measure men by themselves and not by their
+accidents--is not as yet matured either in himself or in the society of
+which he becomes a member. If, indeed, he be a decidedly clever man, and
+has the opportunity early in his career of showing himself to be such,
+then there is good sense and good feeling enough--let us say, to the
+honour of the University, there is sufficient of that true _esprit du
+corps_, a real consciousness of the great objects for which men are thus
+brought together--to insure the acknowledgment from all but the most
+unworthy of its members, that a scholar is always a gentleman. But if he
+be a man of only moderate abilities, and known only as a Bible-clerk,
+then, the more he is of a gentleman by birth and education, the more
+painful does his position generally become. There are not above two or
+three in residence in most colleges, and their society is confined
+almost wholly to themselves. Some old schoolfellow, indeed, or some man
+who "knows him at home," holding an independent rank in college, may
+occasionally venture upon the condescension of asking him to wine--even
+to meet a friend or two with whom he can take such a liberty; and
+even then, the gnawing consciousness that he is considered an
+inferior--though not treated as such--makes it a questionable act of
+kindness. Among the two or three of his own table, one is the son of
+a college butler, another has been for years usher at a preparatory
+school; he treats them with civility, they treat him with deference; but
+they have no tastes or feelings in common. At an age, therefore, which
+most of all seeks and requires companionship, he has no companions; and
+the period of life which should be the most joyous, becomes to him
+almost a purgatory. Of course the radical and the leveller will say at
+once, "Ay, this comes of your aristocratic distinctions; they ought not
+to be allowed in universities at all." Not so: it comes of human nature;
+the distinction between a dependent and an independent position will
+always be felt in all societies, mark it outwardly as little as you
+will. Humiliation, more or less, is a penalty which poverty must always
+pay. These humbler offices in the University were founded by a charity
+as wise as benevolent, which has afforded to hundreds of men of talent,
+but of humble means, an education equal to that of the highest noble in
+the land, and, in consequence, a position and usefulness in after life
+which otherwise they could never have hoped for. And if the somewhat
+servile tenure by which they are held (which in late years has in most
+colleges been very much relaxed) were wholly done away with, there is
+reason to fear the charity of the founders would be liable to continual
+abuse, by their being bestowed upon many who required no such
+assistance. As it is, this occurs too often; and it is much to be
+desired that the same regulations were followed in their distribution
+throughout the University, which some colleges have long most properly
+adopted: namely, that the appointment should be bestowed on the
+successful candidate after examination, strict regard being had to
+the circumstances of all the parties before they are allowed to offer
+themselves. It would make their position far more definite and
+respectable, because all would then be considered honourable to a
+certain degree, as being the reward of merit; instead of which, too
+often, they are convenient items of patronage in the hands of the
+Principal and Fellows, the nomination to them depending on private
+interest, which, by no means insuring the nominee's being a gentleman by
+birth, while it is wholly careless of his being a scholar by education,
+tends to lower the general standing of the order in the University.
+
+This struck me forcibly in Smith's case. Poor fellow! with an excellent
+heart and a great deal of sound common sense, he had neither the
+breeding nor the talent to make a gentleman of. I doubt if an university
+education was any real boon to him. It insured him four years of
+hard work--harder, perhaps, than if he had sat at a desk all the
+time--without the society of any of his own class and habits, and with
+the prospect of very little remuneration ultimately. I think he might
+have been very happy in his own sphere, and I do not see how he could be
+happy at Oxford. And whether he or the world in general ever profited
+much by the B.A. which he eventually attached to his name, is a point at
+least doubtful.
+
+I could not get him to come and dine with me in my own college. He knew
+his own position, as it seemed, and was not ashamed of it; in fact, in
+his case, it could not involve any consciousness of degradation; and I
+am sure his only reason for refusing my invitations of that kind was,
+that he thought it possible my dignity might be compromised by so open
+an association with him. He would come over to my rooms in the evening
+to tea, he said; and he came accordingly. When I told him in the morning
+that Russell had inquired very kindly after him, he was much affected;
+but it had evidently been a comfort to him to feel that he was not
+forgotten, and during the hour or two which we spent together in the
+evening, he seemed much more cheerful.
+
+"Perhaps they will let me see him to-morrow, if he is better?" he said,
+with an appealing look to me. I assured him I would mention his wish to
+Russell, and his countenance at once brightened up, as if he thought
+only his presence were needed to insure our friend's recovery.
+
+But the next morning all our hopes were dashed again; delirium had
+returned, as had been feared, and the feverish symptoms seemed to gain
+strength rather than abate. Bleeding and other usual remedies had been
+had recourse to already to a perilous extent, and in Russell's present
+reduced state, no further treatment of the kind could be ventured upon.
+"All we can do now, sir," said Dr Wilson, "is little more than to let
+nature take her course. I _have known_ such cases recover." I did not
+ask to see Mary Russell that day; for what could I have answered to her
+fears and inquiries? But I thought of Ormiston's words; surely she ought
+to have some friend--some one of her own family, or some known and tried
+companion of her own sex, would surely come to her at a moment's notice,
+did they but know of her trying situation. If--if her brother were to
+die--she surely would not be left here among strangers, quite alone? Yet
+I much feared, from what had escaped him at our last interview, that
+they had both incurred the charge of wilfulness in refusing offers of
+assistance at the time of their father's disgrace and flight, and
+that having, contrary to the advice of their friends, and perhaps
+imprudently, taken the step they had done in coming to Oxford, Mary
+Russell, with something of her brother's spirit, had made up her mind
+now, however heavy and unforeseen the blow that was to fall, to suffer
+all in solitude and silence. For Ormiston, too, I felt with an interest
+and intensity that was hourly increasing. I met him after morning
+chapel, and though he appeared intentionally to avoid any conversation
+with me, I knew by his countenance that he had heard the unfavourable
+news of the morning; and it could be no common emotion that had left its
+visible trace upon features usually so calm and impassible.
+
+From thoughts of this nature, indulged in the not very appropriate
+locality of the centre of the quadrangle, I was roused by the
+good-humoured voice of Mrs Meredith--"our governess," as we used to call
+her--who, with the Doctor himself, was just then entering the college,
+and found me right in the line of her movements towards the door of "the
+lodgings." I was not until that moment aware of her return, and
+altogether was considerably startled as she addressed me with--"Oh! how
+do you do, Mr Hawthorne? You young gentlemen don't take care of
+yourselves, you see, when I am away--I am so sorry to hear this about
+poor Mr Russell. Is he so very ill? Dr Meredith is just going to see
+him."
+
+I coloured up, I dare say, for it was a trick I was given to in those
+days, and, in the confusion, replied rather to my own thoughts than to
+Mrs Meredith's question.
+
+"Mrs Meredith! I really beg your pardon," I first stammered out as a
+very necessary apology, for I had nearly stumbled over her--"May I say
+how very glad I am you are returned, on Miss Russell's account--I am
+sure"----
+
+"Really, Mr Hawthorne, it is very natural I suppose, but you gentlemen
+seem to expend your whole sympathy upon the young lady, and forget the
+brother altogether! Mr Ormiston actually took the trouble to write to me
+about her"----
+
+"My dear!" interposed the Principal.
+
+"Nay, Dr Meredith, see how guilty Mr Hawthorne looks! and as to Mr
+Ormiston"---- "Well, never mind" (the Doctor was visibly checking his
+lady's volubility), "I love the poor dear girl so much myself, that I am
+really grieved to the heart for her. I shall go down and see her
+directly, and make her keep up her spirits. Dr Wilson is apt to make out
+all the bad symptoms he can--I shall try if I can cure Mr Russell
+myself, after all; a little proper nursing in those cases is worth a
+whole staff of doctors--and, as to this poor girl, what can she know
+about it? I dare say she sits crying her eyes out, poor thing, and doing
+nothing--_I'll_ see about it. Why, I wouldn't lose Mr Russell from the
+college for half the young men in it--would I, Dr Meredith?"
+
+I bowed, and they passed on. Mrs Principal, if somewhat pompous
+occasionally, was a kind-hearted woman. I believe an hour scarcely
+elapsed after her return to Oxford, before she was in Russell's
+lodgings, ordering everything about as coolly as if it were in her own
+house, and all but insisting on seeing the patient and prescribing
+herself for him, in spite of all professional injunctions to the
+contrary. The delirium passed off again, and though it left Russell
+sensibly weaker, so weak, that when I next was admitted to see him with
+Smith, he could do little more than feebly grasp our hands, yet the
+fever was evidently abated; and in the course of the next day, whether
+it was to be attributed to the remedies originally used, or to his
+own youth and good constitution, or to Mrs Meredith's experienced
+directions in the way of nursing, and the cheerful spirit which that
+good lady, in spite of a little fussiness, succeeded generally in
+producing around her, there was a decided promise of amendment, which
+happily each succeeding hour tended gradually to fulfil. Ormiston had
+been unremitting in his inquiries; but I believe had never since sought
+an interview either with the brother or sister. I took advantage of the
+first conversation Russell was able to hold with me, to mention how very
+sincerely I believed him to have felt the interest he expressed. A
+moment afterwards I felt almost sorry I had mentioned the name--it was
+the first time I had done so during Russell's illness. He almost started
+up in bed, and his face glowed again with more than the flush of fever,
+as he caught up my words.
+
+"Sincere, did you say? Ormiston sincere! You don't know the man as I do.
+Inquired here, did he? What right has he to intrude his"----
+
+"Hush, my dear Russell," I interposed, really almost alarmed at his
+violence. "Pray, don't excite yourself--I think you do him great
+injustice; but we will drop the subject, if you please."
+
+"I tell you, Hawthorne, if you knew all, you would despise him as much
+as I do."
+
+It is foolish to argue with an invalid--but really even my friendship
+for Russell would not allow me to bear in silence an attack so
+unjustifiable, as it seemed to me, on the character of a man who had
+every claim to my gratitude and respect. I replied therefore somewhat
+incautiously, that perhaps I did know a little more than Russell
+suspected.
+
+He stared at me with a look of bewilderment. "What do you know?" he
+asked quickly.
+
+It was too late to hesitate or retract. I had started an unfortunate
+subject; but I knew Russell too well to endeavour now to mislead him. "I
+have no right perhaps to say I know anything; but I have gathered from
+Ormiston's manner, that he has very strong reasons for the anxiety he
+has shown on your account. I will not say more."
+
+"And how do you know this? Has Mr Ormiston dared"----
+
+"No, no, Russell," said I, earnestly; "see how unjust you are, in this
+instance." I wished to say something to calm him, and it would have been
+worse than useless to say anything but the truth. I saw he guessed to
+what I alluded; and I gave him briefly my reasons for what I thought,
+not concealing the interview with his sister, at which I had
+unintentionally been present.
+
+It was a very painful scene. When he first understood that Ormiston had
+sought the meeting, his temper, usually calm, but perhaps now tried by
+such long hours of pain and heaviness, broke out with bitter expressions
+against both. I told him, shortly and warmly, that such remarks towards
+his sister were unmanly and unkind; and then he cried, like a chidden
+and penitent child, till his remorse was as painful to look upon as his
+passion. "Mary! my own Mary! even you, Hawthorne, know and feel her
+value better than I do! I for whom she has borne so much."
+
+"I am much mistaken," said I, "if Ormiston has not learned to appreciate
+her even yet more truly. And why not?"
+
+"Leave me now," he said; "I am not strong enough to talk; but if you
+wish to know what cause I have to speak as I have done of your friend
+Ormiston, you shall hear again."
+
+So exhausted did he seem by the excess of feeling which I had so
+unfortunately called forth, that I would not see him again for some
+days, contenting myself with learning that no relapse had taken place,
+and that he was still progressing rapidly towards recovery.
+
+I had an invitation to visit my aunt again during the Easter vacation,
+which had already commenced, and had only been prevented from leaving
+Oxford by Russell's alarming state. As soon, therefore, as all danger
+was pronounced over, I prepared to go up to town at once, and my next
+visit to Russell was in fact to wish him good-by for two or three weeks.
+He was already sitting up, and fast regaining strength. He complained
+of having seen so little of me lately, and asked me if I had seen
+his sister. "I had not noticed it until the last few days," he
+said--"illness makes one selfish, I suppose; but I think Mary looks
+thin and ill--very different from what she did a month back."
+
+But watching and anxiety, as I told him, were not unlikely to produce
+that effect; and I advised him strongly to take her somewhere for a few
+weeks for change of air and scene. "It will do you both good," I said;
+"and you can draw another L50 from your unknown friend for that purpose;
+it cannot be better applied, and I should not hesitate for a moment."
+
+"I would not," he replied, "if I wanted money; but I do not. Do you
+know that Dr Wilson would take no fee whatever from Mary during the
+whole of his attendance; and when I asked him to name some sufficient
+remuneration, assuring him I could afford it, he said he would never
+forgive me if I ever mentioned the subject again. So what remains of the
+fifty you drew for me, will amply suffice for a little trip somewhere
+for us. And I quite agree with you in thinking it desirable, on every
+account, that Mary should move from Oxford--perhaps altogether--for one
+reason, to be out of the way of a friend of yours."
+
+"Ormiston?"
+
+"Yes, Ormiston; he called here again since I saw you, and wished to see
+me; but I declined the honour. Possibly," he added bitterly, "as we
+have succeeded in keeping out of jail here, he thinks Mary has grown
+rich again." And then he went on to tell me how, in the days of his
+father's reputed wealth, Ormiston had been a constant visitor at their
+house in town, and how his attentions to his sister had even attracted
+his father's attention, and led to his name being mentioned as likely to
+make an excellent match with the rich banker's daughter. "My father did
+not like it," he said, "for he had higher views for her, as was perhaps
+excusable--though I doubt if he would have refused Mary anything. I did
+not like it for another reason: because I knew all the time how matters
+really stood, and that any man who looked for wealth with my sister
+would in the end be miserably disappointed. What Mary's own feelings
+were, and what actually passed between her and Ormiston, I never asked;
+but she knew my views on the subject, and would, I am certain, never
+have accepted any man under the circumstances in which she was placed,
+and which she could not explain. I did hope and believe, however, then,
+that there was sufficient high principle about Ormiston to save Mary
+from any risk of throwing away her heart upon a man who would desert her
+upon a change of fortune. I think he loved her at the time--as well
+as such men as he can love any one; but from the moment the crash
+came--Ormiston, you know, was in town at the time--there was an end of
+everything. It was an opportunity for a man to show feeling if he had
+any; and though I do not affect much romance, I almost think that in
+such a case even an ordinary heart might have been warmed into devotion;
+but Ormiston--cold, cautious, calculating as he is--I could almost have
+laughed at the sudden change that came over him when he heard the news.
+He pretended, indeed, great interest for us, and certainly did seem cut
+up about it; but he had not committed himself, I conclude, and took care
+to retreat in time. Thank Heaven! even if Mary did ever care for him,
+she is not the girl to break her heart for a man who proves so unworthy
+of her regard. But why he should insist on inflicting his visits upon us
+now, is what I cannot make out; and what I will not endure."
+
+I listened with grief and surprise. I knew well that not even the strong
+prejudice which I believed Russell to have always felt against Ormiston,
+would tempt him to be guilty of misrepresentation; and, again, I gave
+him credit for too much penetration to have been easily deceived. Yet I
+could not bring myself all at once to think so ill of Ormiston. He had
+always been considered in pecuniary matters liberal almost to a fault;
+that he really loved Mary Russell, I felt more than ever persuaded; and,
+at my age, it was hard to believe that a few thousand pounds could
+affect any man's decision in such a point, even for a moment. Why, the
+very fact of her being poor and friendless was enough to make one fall
+in love with such a girl at once! So when Russell, after watching the
+effect of his disclosure, misconstruing my silence, proceeded to ask
+somewhat triumphantly--"_Now_, what say you of Mr Ormiston?"--I answered
+at once, that I was strongly convinced there was a mistake.
+
+"Ay," rejoined he with a sneering laugh; "on Ormiston's part, you mean;
+decidedly there was."
+
+"I mean," said I, "there has been some misunderstanding, which time may
+yet explain: I do not, and will not believe him capable of what you
+impute to him. Did you ever ask your sister for a full and unreserved
+explanation of what has passed between them?"
+
+"Never; but I know that she has shunned all intercourse with him as
+carefully as I have, and that his recently renewed civilities have given
+her nothing but pain." My own observation certainly tended to confirm
+this; so, changing the subject--for it was one on which I had scarce any
+right to give an opinion, still less offer advice, I asked whether I
+could do anything for him in town; and, after exchanging a cordial
+good-by with Miss Russell, in whose appearance I was sorry to see strong
+confirmation of her brother's fears for her health, I took my leave, and
+the next morning saw me on the top of "The Age," on my way to town.
+
+There I received a letter from my father, in which he desired me to
+take the opportunity of calling upon his attorney, Mr Rushton, in order
+to have some leases and other papers read and explained to me, chiefly
+matters of form, but which would require my signature upon my coming of
+age. It concluded with the following PS.:--
+
+     "I was sorry to hear of your friend's illness, and trust he will
+     now do very well. Bring him down with you at Christmas, if you can.
+     I hear, by the way, there is a _Miss_ Russell in the case--a very
+     fascinating young lady, whom you never mention at all--a fact which
+     your mother, who is up to all those things, says is very
+     suspicious. All I can say is, if she is as good a girl as her
+     mother was before her--I knew her well once--you may bring her down
+     with you too, if you like."
+
+How very unlucky it is that the home authorities seldom approve of any
+little affairs of the kind except those of which one is perfectly
+innocent! Now, if I _had_ been in love with Mary Russell, the governor
+would, in the nature of things, have felt it his duty to be
+disagreeable.
+
+I put off the little business my father alluded to day after day, to
+make way for more pleasant engagements, until my stay in town was
+drawing to a close. Letters from Russell informed me of his having left
+Oxford for Southampton, where he was reading hard, and getting quite
+stout; but he spoke of his sister's health in a tone that alarmed me,
+though he evidently was trying to persuade himself that a few weeks'
+sea-air would quite restore it. At last I devoted a morning to call on
+Mr Rushton, whom I found at home, though professing, as all lawyers do,
+to be full of business. He made my acquaintance as politely as if I had
+been the heir-expectant of an earldom, instead of the very moderate
+amount of acres which had escaped sale and subdivision in the Hawthorne
+family. In fact, he seemed a very good sort of fellow, and we ran over
+the parchments together very amicably--I almost suspected he was
+cheating me, he seemed so very friendly, but therein I did him wrong.
+
+"And now, my dear sir," continued he, as we shut up the last of them,
+"will you dine with me to-day? Let me see; I fear I can't say before
+seven, for I have a great deal of work to get through. Some bankruptcy
+business, about which I have taken some trouble," he continued, rubbing
+his hands, "and which we shall manage pretty well in the end, I fancy.
+By the way, it concerns some friends of yours, too: is not Mr Ormiston
+of your college? Ay, I thought he was; he is two thousand pounds richer
+than he fancied himself yesterday."
+
+"Really?" said I, somewhat interested; "how, may I ask?"
+
+"Why, you see, when Russell's bank broke--bad business that--we all
+thought the first dividend--tenpence-halfpenny in the pound, I believe
+it was--would be the final one: however, there are some foreign
+securities which, when they first came into the hands of the assignees,
+were considered of no value at all, but have gone up wonderfully in the
+market just of late; so that we have delayed finally closing accounts
+till we could sell them to such advantage as will leave some tolerable
+pickings for the creditors after all."
+
+"Had Ormiston money in Mr Russell's bank, then, at the time?"
+
+"Oh, yes: something like eight thousand pounds: not all his own, though:
+five thousand he had in trust for some nieces of his, which he had
+unluckily just sold out of the funds, and placed with Russell, while he
+was engaged in making arrangements for a more profitable investment; the
+rest was his own."
+
+"He lost it all, then?"
+
+"All but somewhere about three hundred pounds, as it appeared at the
+time. What an excellent fellow he is! You know him well, I dare say.
+They tell me that he pays the interest regularly to his nieces for their
+money out of his own income still."
+
+I made no answer to Mr Rushton at the moment, for a communication so
+wholly unexpected had awakened a new set of ideas, which I was busily
+following out in my mind. I seemed to hold in my hands the clue to a
+good deal of misunderstanding and unhappiness. My determination was soon
+taken to go to Southampton, see Russell at once, and tell him what I
+had just heard, and of which I had no doubt he had hitherto been as
+ignorant as myself. I was rather induced to take this course, as I felt
+persuaded that Miss Russell's health was suffering rather from mental
+than bodily causes; and, in such a case, a great deal of mischief is
+done in a short time. I would leave town at once.
+
+My purse was in the usual state of an undergraduate's at the close of a
+visit to London; so, following up the train of my own reflections, I
+turned suddenly upon Mr Rushton, who was again absorbed in his papers,
+and had possibly forgotten my presence altogether, and attacked him
+with--
+
+"My dear sir, can you lend me ten pounds?"
+
+"Certainly," said Mr Rushton, taking off his spectacles, and feeling in
+his pockets, at the same time looking at me with some little
+curiosity--"certainly--with great pleasure."
+
+"I beg your pardon for taking such a liberty," said I, apologetically;
+"but I find I must leave town to-night."
+
+"To-night!" said the lawyer, looking still more inquiringly at me; "I
+thought you were to dine with me?"
+
+"I cannot exactly explain to you at this moment, sir, my reasons; but I
+have reasons, and I think sufficient ones, though they have suddenly
+occurred to me."
+
+I pocketed the money, leaving Mr Rushton to speculate on the
+eccentricities of Oxonians as he pleased, and a couple of hours found me
+seated on the Southampton mail.
+
+The Russells were surprised at my sudden descent upon them, but welcomed
+me cordially; and even Mary's pale face did not prevent my being in
+excellent spirits. As soon as I could speak to Russell by himself, I
+told him what I had heard from Mr Rushton.
+
+He never interrupted me, but his emotion was evident. When he did speak,
+it was in an altered and humbled voice.
+
+"I never inquired," he said, "who my father's creditors were--perhaps I
+ought to have done so; but I thought the knowledge could only pain me. I
+see it all now; how unjust, how ungrateful I have been! Poor Mary!"
+
+We sat down, and talked over those points in Ormiston's conduct, upon
+which Russell had put so unfavourable a construction. It was quite
+evident, that a man who could act with so much liberality and
+self-denial towards others, could have had no interested motives in his
+conduct with regard to Mary Russell; and her brother was now as eager to
+express his confidence in Ormiston's honour and integrity, as he was
+before hasty in misjudging him.
+
+Where all parties are eager for explanation, matters are soon
+explained. Russell had an interview with his sister, which brought her
+to the breakfast table the next morning with blushing cheeks and
+brightened eyes. _Her_ misgivings, if she had any, were easily set at
+rest. He then wrote to Ormiston a letter full of generous apologies and
+expressions of his high admiration of his conduct, which was answered by
+that gentleman in person by return of post. How Mary Russell and he met,
+or what they said, must ever be a secret, for no one was present but
+themselves. But all embarrassment was soon over, and we were a very
+happy party for the short time we remained at Southampton together; for,
+feeling that my share in the matter was at an end--a share which I
+contemplated with some little self-complacency--I speedily took my
+departure.
+
+If I have not made Ormiston's conduct appear in as clear colours to the
+reader as it did to ourselves, I can only add, that the late
+misunderstanding seemed a painful subject to all parties, and that the
+mutual explanations were rather understood than expressed. The anonymous
+payment to Russell's credit at the bank was no longer a mystery: it was
+the poor remains of the College Tutor's little fortune, chiefly the
+savings of his years of office--the bulk of which had been lost through
+the fault of the father--generously devoted to meet the necessities of
+the son. That he would have offered Mary Russell his heart and hand at
+once when she was poor, as he hesitated to do when she was rich, none
+of us for a moment doubted, had not his own embarrassments, caused by
+the failure of the bank, and the consequent claims of his orphan nieces,
+to replace whose little income he had contracted all his own expenses,
+made him hesitate to involve the woman he loved in an imprudent
+marriage.
+
+They were married, however, very soon--and still imprudently the world
+said, and my good aunt among the rest; for, instead of waiting an
+indefinite time for a good college living to fall in, Ormiston took the
+first that offered, a small vicarage of L300 a-year, intending to add to
+his income by taking pupils. However, fortune sometimes loves to have a
+laugh at the prudent ones, and put to the rout all their wise
+prognostications; for, during Ormiston's "year of grace"--while he still
+virtually held his fellowship, though he had accepted the living--our
+worthy old Principal died somewhat suddenly, and regret at his loss only
+gave way to the universal joy of every individual in the college
+(except, I suppose, any disappointed aspirants), when Mr Ormiston was
+elected almost unanimously to the vacant dignity.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Mr Russell the elder has never returned to England. On the mind of such
+a man, after the first blow, and the loss of his position in the world,
+the disgrace attached to his name had comparatively little effect. He
+lives in some small town in France, having contrived, with his known
+_clever management_, to keep himself in comfortable circumstances; and
+his best friends can only strive to forget his existence, rather than
+wish for his return. His son and daughter pay him occasional visits, for
+their affection survives his disgrace and forgets his errors. Charles
+Russell took a first class, after delaying his examination a couple of
+terms, owing to his illness, and is now a barrister, with a reputation
+for talent, but as yet very little business. However, as I hear the city
+authorities have had the impudence to seize some of the college plate in
+discharge of a disputed claim for rates, and that Russell is retained as
+one of the counsel in an action of replevin, I trust he will begin a
+prosperous career, by contributing to win the cause for the "gown."
+
+I spent a month with Dr and Mrs Ormiston at their vicarage in the
+country, before the former entered upon his official residence as
+Principal; and can assure the reader that, in spite of ten--it may be
+more--years of difference in age, they are the happiest couple I ever
+saw. I may almost say, the only happy couple I ever saw, most of my
+married acquaintance appearing at the best only _contented_ couples, not
+drawing their happiness so exclusively from each other as suits my
+notion of what such a tie ought to be. Of course, I do not take my own
+matrimonial experience into account; the same principle of justice which
+forbids a man to give evidence in his own favour, humanely excusing him
+from making any admission which may criminate himself. Mrs Ormiston is
+as beautiful, as amiable, as ever, and has lost all the reserve and
+sadness which, in her maiden days, overshadowed her charms; and so
+sincere was and is my admiration of her person and character, and so
+warmly was I in the habit of expressing it, that I really believe my
+dilating upon her attractions used to make Mrs. Francis Hawthorne
+somewhat jealous, until she had the happiness to make her acquaintance,
+and settled the point by falling in love with the lady herself.
+
+
+
+
+THE MAGIC LAY OF THE ONE-HORSE CHAY.
+
+BY THE LATE JOHN HUGHES, A.M.
+
+[_MAGA._ OCTOBER 1824.]
+
+
+AIR--_Eveleen's Bower._
+
+                              I.
+
+ Mr Bubb was a Whig orator, also a Soap Laborator,
+ For everything's new christen'd in the present day;
+ He was follow'd and adored by the Common Council board,
+ And lived quite genteel with a one-horse chay.
+
+
+                             II.
+
+ Mrs Bubb was gay and free, fair, fat, and forty-three,
+ And blooming as a peony in buxom May;
+ The toast she long had been of Farringdon-Within,
+ And fill'd the better-half of the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                            III.
+
+ Mrs Bubb said to her Lord, "You can well, Bubb, afford
+ Whate'er a Common Council man in prudence may;
+ We've no brats to plague our lives, and the soap concern it thrives,
+ So let's have a trip to Brighton in the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                             IV.
+
+ "We'll view the pier and shipping, and enjoy many dipping,
+ And walk for a stomach in our best array;
+ I longs more nor I can utter, for shrimps and bread and butter,
+ And an airing on the Steyne in the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                              V.
+
+ "We've a right to spare for nought that for money can be bought,
+ So to get matters ready, Bubb, do you trudge away;
+ To my dear Lord Mayor I'll walk, just to get a bit of talk
+ And an imitation shawl for the one-horse chay."
+
+
+                             VI.
+
+ Mr Bubb said to his wife, "Now I think upon't, my life
+ 'Tis three weeks at least to next boiling-day;
+ The dog-days are set in, and London's growing thin,
+ So I'll order out old Nobbs and the one-horse chay."
+
+
+                            VII.
+
+ Now Nobbs, it must be told, was rather fat and old,
+ His colour it was white, and it had been grey;
+ He was round as a pot, and when soundly whipt would trot
+ Full five miles an hour in the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                           VIII.
+
+ When at Brighton they were housed, and had stuffed and caroused,
+ O'er a bowl of rack punch, Mr Bubb did say,
+ "I've ascertain'd, my dear, the mode of dipping here
+ From the ostler, who is cleaning up my one-horse chay.
+
+
+                             IX.
+
+ "You're shut up in a box, ill convenient as the stocks,
+ And eighteenpence a-time are obliged for to pay;
+ Court corruption here, say I, makes everything so high,
+ And I wish I had come without my one-horse chay."
+
+
+                              X.
+
+ "As I hope," says she, "to thrive, 'tis flaying folks alive,
+ The King and them extortioners are leagued, I say;
+ 'Tis encouraging of such for to go to pay so much,
+ So we'll set them at defiance with our one-horse chay.
+
+
+                             XI.
+
+ "Old Nobbs, I am sartin, may be trusted gig or cart in,
+ He takes every matter in an easy way;
+ He'll stand like a post, while we dabble on the coast,
+ And return back to dress in our one-horse chay."
+
+
+                            XII.
+
+ So out they drove, all drest so gaily in their best,
+ And finding, in their rambles, a snug little bay,
+ They uncased at their leisure, paddled out to take their pleasure,
+ And left everything behind in the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                           XIII.
+
+ But while, so snugly sure that all things were secure,
+ They flounced about like porpoises or whales at play,
+ Some young unlucky imps, who prowl'd about for shrimps,
+ Stole up to reconnoitre the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                            XIV.
+
+ Old Nobbs, in quiet mood, was sleeping as he stood
+ (He might possibly be dreaming of his corn or hay);
+ Not a foot did he wag, so they whipt out every rag,
+ And gutted the contents of the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                             XV.
+
+ When our pair were soused enough, and returned in their buff,
+ Oh, there was the vengeance and old Nick to pay!
+ Madam shriek'd in consternation, Mr Bubb he swore----!
+ To find the empty state of the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                            XVI.
+
+ "If I live," said she, "I swear, I'll consult my dear Lord Mayor,
+ And a fine on this vagabond town he shall lay;
+ But the gallows thieves, so tricky, hasn't left me e'en a dicky,
+ And I shall catch my death in the one-horse chay."
+
+
+                           XVII.
+
+ "Come, bundle in with me, we must squeeze for once," says he,
+ "And manage this here business the best we may;
+ We've no other step to choose, nor a moment must we lose,
+ Or the tide will float us off in our one-horse chay."
+
+
+                          XVIII.
+
+ So noses, sides, and knees, all together did they squeeze,
+ And, pack'd in little compass, they trotted it away,
+ As dismal as two dummies, head and hands stuck out like mummies
+ From beneath the little apron of the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                            XIX.
+
+ The Steyne was in a throng, as they jogg'd it along,
+ Madam hadn't been so put to it for many a day;
+ Her pleasure it was damped, and her person somewhat cramped,
+ Doubled up beneath the apron of the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                             XX.
+
+ "Oh would that I were laid," Mr Bubb in sorrow said,
+ "In a broad-wheeled waggon, well covered with hay!
+ I'm sick of sporting smart, and would take a tilted cart
+ In exchange for this bauble of a one-horse chay.
+
+
+                            XXI.
+
+ "I'd give half my riches for my worst pair of breeches,
+ Or the apron that I wore last boiling-day;
+ They would wrap my arms and shoulders from these impudent beholders,
+ And allow me to whip on in my one-horse chay."
+
+
+                           XXII.
+
+ Mr Bubb ge-hupped in vain, and strove to jerk the rein,
+ Nobbs felt he had his option to work or play,
+ So he wouldn't mend his pace, though they'd fain have run a race,
+ To escape the merry gazers at the one-horse chay.
+
+
+                          XXIII.
+
+ Now, good people, laugh your fill, and fancy if you will
+ (For I'm fairly out of breath, and have said my say),
+ The trouble and the rout, to wrap and get them out,
+ When they drove to their lodgings in their one-horse chay.
+
+
+                           XXIV.
+
+ The day was swelt'ring warm, so they took no cold or harm,
+ And o'er a smoking lunch soon forgot their dismay;
+ But, fearing Brighton mobs, started off at night with Nobbs,
+ To a snugger watering-place, in the one-horse chay.
+
+
+PRINTED BY WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS, EDINBURGH.
+
+
+
+
+TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE:
+
+Minor changes have been made to correct typesetters' errors; otherwise,
+every effort has been made to remain true to the authors' words and
+intent.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Tales from Blackwood, by Various
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TALES FROM BLACKWOOD ***
+
+***** This file should be named 35464.txt or 35464.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        https://www.gutenberg.org/3/5/4/6/35464/
+
+Produced by D Alexander, Juliet Sutherland and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+https://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at https://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+https://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at https://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit https://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including including checks, online payments and credit card
+donations.  To donate, please visit: https://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     https://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
diff --git a/35464.zip b/35464.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..9879522
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35464.zip
diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6312041
--- /dev/null
+++ b/LICENSE.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements,
+metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be
+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
+
+Procedures for determining public domain status are described in
+the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org.
+
+No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in
+jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize
+this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright
+status under the laws that apply to them.
diff --git a/README.md b/README.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..e7015fe
--- /dev/null
+++ b/README.md
@@ -0,0 +1,2 @@
+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #35464 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/35464)