initial commit of ebook 35441HEADmain

37 files changed, 57241 insertions, 0 deletions

diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6833f05
--- /dev/null
+++ b/.gitattributes
@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+* text=auto
+*.txt text
+*.md text
diff --git a/35441-8.txt b/35441-8.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..405f0c9
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-8.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,18216 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Dodd Family Abroad, Vol. I.(of II), by 
+Charles James Lever
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Dodd Family Abroad, Vol. I.(of II)
+
+Author: Charles James Lever
+
+Illustrator: Phiz And W. Cubitt Cooke
+
+Release Date: March 1, 2011 [EBook #35441]
+[Last updated: September 26, 2020]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DODD FAMILY ABROAD ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD
+
+By Charles James Lever
+
+With Illustrations By Phiz And W. Cubitt Cooke.
+
+In Two Volumes: Vol. I.
+
+Boston: Little, Brown, And Company
+
+1895.
+
+
+
+
+TO SIR EDWARD LYTTON BULWER LYTTON, Bart., M.P.
+
+My Dear Sir Edward,--While asking you to accept the dedication of this
+volume, I feel it would be something very nigh akin to the Bathos
+were _I_ to say one word of Eulogy of those powers which the world has
+recognised in _you_.
+
+Let me, however, be permitted, in common with thousands, to welcome the
+higher development which your Genius is hourly attaining, to say God
+speed to the Author of "The Caxtons" and "My Novel," and cry "Hear!" to
+the Eloquent Orator whose words have awakened an enthusiasm that shows
+Chivalry still lives amongst us.
+
+Believe me, in all admiration and esteem,
+
+Your faithful friend,
+
+CHARLES LEVER.
+
+Casa Capponi, Florence, March, 1854.
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+Although the faulty judgment of authors on their own productions has
+assumed something like the force of a proverb, I am ready to incur the
+hazard of avowing that the present volume is, to my own thinking, better
+than anything else I have done. I am not about to defend its numerous
+shortcomings and great faults. I will not say one word in extenuation of
+a plan which, to many readers, forms an insuperable objection,--that
+of a story in letters. I wish simply to record the fact that the book
+afforded me much pleasure in the writing, and that I felt an amount of
+interest in the character of Kenny Dodd such as I have never before nor
+since experienced for any personage of my own creation.
+
+The reader who is at all acquainted with the incidents of foreign
+travel, and the strange individuals to be met with on every European
+highway, will readily acquit me of exaggeration either in describing the
+mistaken impressions conceived of Continental life, or the difficulties
+of forming anything like a correct estimate of national habits by those
+whose own sphere of observation was so limited in their own country.
+In Kenny Dodd, I attempted to portray a man naturally acute and
+intelligent, sensible and well judging where his prejudices did not
+pervert his reason, and singularly quick to appreciate the ridicule
+of any absurd situation in which he did not figure himself. To all the
+pretentious ambitions of his family,--to their exaggerated sense of
+themselves and their station,--to their inordinate desire to figure in a
+rank above their own, and appear to be something they had never hitherto
+attempted,--I have made him keenly and sensitively alive. He sees Mrs.
+Dodd's perils,--there is not a sunk rock nor a shoal before her that he
+has not noted, and yet for the life of him he can't help booking himself
+for the voyage. There is an Irishman's love of drollery,--that passion
+for what gives him a hearty laugh, even though he come in for his share
+of the ridicule, which repays him for every misadventure. If he is
+momentarily elated by the high and distinguished company in which he
+finds himself, so far from being shocked when he discovers them to be
+swindlers and blacklegs, he chuckles over the blunders of Mrs. D. and
+Mary Anne, and writes off to his friend Purcell a letter over which he
+laughs till his eyes run.
+
+Of those broad matters to which a man of good common-sense can apply
+his faculties fairly, his opinions are usually just and true; he likes
+truth, he wants to see things as they are. Of everything conventional he
+is almost invariably in error; and it is this struggle that in a manner
+reflects the light and shade of his nature, showing him at one moment
+clear-headed and observant, and at the next absurdly mistaken and
+ignorant.
+
+It was in no spirit of sarcasm on my countrymen that I took an Irishman
+to represent these incongruities; nay, more, I will say that in the very
+liability to be so strongly impressed from without, lies much of that
+unselfishness which forms that staple of the national character which so
+greatly recommends them to strangers.
+
+If I do not speak of the other characters of the book, it is because I
+feel that whatever humble merit the volume may possess is ascribable to
+the truthfulness of this principal personage. It is less the Dodd family
+for which I would bespeak the reader's interest, than for the trials of
+Kenny Dodd himself, his thoughts and opinions.
+
+Finally, let me observe that this story has had the fortune to be better
+liked by my friends, and less valued by the public, than any other of my
+books.
+
+I wrote it, as I have said, with pleasure; well satisfied should I be
+that any of my readers might peruse it with as much. It was planned and
+executed in a quiet little cottage in the Gulf of Spezia, something more
+than six years ago. I am again in the same happy spot; and, as I turn
+over the pages, not altogether lost to some of the enjoyment they once
+afforded me in the writing, and even more than before anxious that I
+should not be alone in that sentiment.
+
+It is in vain, however, for an author to bespeak favor for that which
+comes not recommended by merits of its own; and if Kenny Dodd finds no
+acceptance with you on his own account, it is hopeless to expect that he
+will be served by the introduction of so partial a friend as
+
+Your devoted servant,
+
+CHARLES LEVER.
+
+Marola, Gulf of Spezia,
+
+October 1,1859.
+
+
+
+
+A WORD FROM THE EDITOR.
+
+The Editor of the Dodd Correspondence may possibly be expected to give
+the Public some information as to the manner by which these Letters
+came into his possession, and the reasons which led him to publish them.
+Happily he can do both without any breach of honorable confidence. The
+circumstances were these:--
+
+Mr. Dodd, on his returning to Ireland, passed through the little
+watering-place of Spezzia, where the Editor was then sojourning. They
+met accidentally, formed acquaintanceship, and then intimacy. Amongst
+the many topics of conversation between them, the Continent and its
+habits occupied a very wide space. Mr. D. had lived little abroad; the
+Editor had passed half of a life there. Their views and judgment were,
+as might be surmised, not always alike; and if novelty had occasionally
+misled one, time and habit had not less powerfully blunted the
+perceptions of the other. The old resident discovered, to his
+astonishment, that the very opinions which he smiled at from his
+friend, had been once his own; that he had himself incurred some of the
+mistakes, and fallen into many of the blunders, which he now ridiculed,
+and that, so far from the Dodd Family being the exception, they were
+in reality no very unfair samples of a large class of our travelling
+countrymen. They had come abroad with crude and absurd notions of what
+awaited them on the Continent. They dreamed of economy, refinement,
+universal politeness, and a profound esteem for England from all
+foreigners. They fancied that the advantages of foreign travel were
+to be obtained without cost or labor; that locomotion could educate,
+sight-seeing cultivate them; that in the capacity of British subjects
+every society should be open to them, and that, in fact, it was enough
+to emerge from home obscurity to become at once recognized in the
+fashionable circles of any Continental city.
+
+They not only entertained all these notions, but they held them in
+defiance of most contradictory elements. They practised the most rigid
+economy when professing immense wealth; they affected to despise the
+foreigner while shunning their own countrymen; they assumed to be
+votaries of art when merely running over galleries; and lastly, while
+laying claim, and just claim, for their own country to the highest moral
+standard of Europe, they not unfrequently outraged all the proprieties
+of foreign life by an open and shameless profligacy. It is difficult to
+understand how a mere change of locality can affect a man's notions of
+right and wrong, and how Cis-Alpine evil may be Trans-Alpine good. It
+is very hard to believe that a few parallels of latitude can affect the
+moral thermometer; but so it is, and so Mr. Dodd honestly confessed he
+found it. He not only avowed that he could do abroad what he could
+not dare to do at home, but that, worse still, the infraction cost
+no sacrifice of self-esteem, no self-reproach. It was not that these
+derelictions were part of the habits of foreign life, or at least of
+such of it as met the eye; it was, in reality, because he had come
+abroad with his own preconceived ideas of a certain latitude in morals,
+and was resolved to have the benefit of it. Such inconsistency in
+theory led, naturally, to absurdity in action, and John Bull became, in
+consequence, a mark for every trait of eccentricity that satirists could
+describe, or caricaturists paint.
+
+The gradations of rank so rigidly defined in England are less accurately
+marked out abroad. Society, like the face of the soil, is not enclosed
+by boundaries and fenced by hedgerows, but stretches away in boundless
+undulations of unlimited extent. The Englishman fancies there are no
+boundaries, because he does not see the landmarks. Since all seems open,
+he imagines there can be no trespass. This is a serious mistake! Not
+less a one is, to connect title with rank. He fancies that nobility
+represents abroad the same pretensions which it maintains in England,
+and indignantly revenges his own blunder by calumniating in common every
+foreigner of rank.
+
+Mr. Dodd fell into some of these errors; from others he escaped. Most,
+indeed, of his mistakes were those inseparable from a false position;
+and from the acuteness of his remarks in conversation, it is clear that
+he possessed fair powers of observation, and a mind well disposed to
+receive and retain the truth. One quality certainly his observations
+possessed,--they were "his own." They were neither worked out from the
+Guide-book, nor borrowed from his _Laquais de Place_. They were the
+honest convictions of a good ordinary capacity, sharpened by the habits
+of an active life. It was with sincere pleasure the Editor received from
+him the following note, which reached him about three weeks after they
+parted:--
+
+
+"DODSBOROUGH, BRUFF.
+
+"My dear Harry Lorrequer,--I have fished up all the Correspondence of
+the Dodd Family during our _Annus Mirabilis_ abroad, and send it to you
+with this. You have done some queer pranks at Editorship before now, so
+what would you say to standing Sponsor to us all, foundlings as we are
+in the world of letters? I have a notion in my head that we were n't a
+bit more ridiculous than nine-tenths of our travelling countrymen, and
+that, maybe, our mistakes and misconceptions might serve to warn such
+as may come after us over the same road. At all events, use your own
+discretion on the matter, but say nothing about it when you write to me,
+as Mrs. D. reads all my letters, and if she knew we were going to print
+her, the consequences would be awful!
+
+"You 'll be glad to hear that we got safe back here,--Tuesday was a
+week,--found everything much as usual,--farming stock looking up, pigs
+better than ever I knew them. I have managed to get James into the
+Police, and his foreign airs and graces are bringing him into the
+tip-top society of the country. Purcell tells me that we 'll be driven
+to sell Dodsborough in the Estates Court, and I suppose it 's the best
+thing after all, for we can buy it in, and clear off the mortgages that
+was the ruin of us.
+
+"When everything is settled, I have an idea of taking a run through the
+United States, to have a peep at Jonathan. If so, you shall hear from
+me.
+
+"Meanwhile, I am yours, very faithfully,
+
+"Kenny I. Dodd.
+
+"Do you know any Yankees, or could you get me a few letters to some of
+their noticeable men? for I 'd like to have an opportunity of talk with
+them."
+
+The Editor at once set about the inspection of the documents forwarded
+to him, and carefully perused the entire correspondence; nor was it
+until after a mature consideration that he determined on accepting the
+responsible post which Mr. Dodd had assigned to him.
+
+He who edits a Correspondence, to a certain extent is assumed to be a
+concurring party, if not to the statements contained in it, at least to
+its general tone and direction. It is in vain for him to try and hide
+his own shadow behind the foreground figure of the picture, or merge
+his responsibility in that of his principal. The reader will hold him
+chargeable for opinions that he has made public, and for sentiments
+which, but for his intervention, had slept within the drawer of a
+cabinet. This is more particularly the case where the sentiments
+recorded are not those of any great thinker or high authority amongst
+men whose _dicta_ may be supposed capable of standing the test of
+a controversy, on the mere strength of him who uttered them. Now,
+unhappily, the Dodd Family have not as yet produced one of these gifted
+individuals. Their views of the world, as they saw it in a foreign tour,
+are those of persons of very moderate capacity, with very few special
+opportunities for observation. They wrote in all the frankness of close
+friendship to those with whom they were most intimately allied. They
+uttered candidly what they felt acutely. They chronicled their
+sorrows, their successes, their triumphs, and their shame. And although
+experience did teach them something as they went, their errors tracked
+them to the last. It cannot be expected, then, that the Editor is
+prepared to back their opinions and uphold their notions, nor is he
+blamable for the judgments they have pronounced on many points. It is
+true, it was open to him to have retrenched this and suppressed that. He
+might have cancelled a confession here, or blotted out an avowal there;
+but had he done so in one Letter, the allusion contained in some other
+might have been pointless,--the distinctive character of the writer
+lost; and what is of more moment than either, a new difficulty
+engendered, viz., what to retain where there was so much to retrench.
+Besides this, Mrs. D. is occasionally wrong where K. I. is right, and it
+is only by contrasting the impressions that the value of the judgments
+can be appreciated.
+
+It is not in our present age of high civilization that an Editor need
+fear the charge of having divulged family secrets, or made the private
+history of domestic life a subject for public commentary. Happily, we
+live in a period of enlightenment that can defy such petty slanders.
+Very high and titled individuals have shown themselves superior to
+similar accusations, and if the "Dodds" can in any wise contribute
+to the amusement or instruction of the world, they may well feel
+recompensed for an exposure to which others have been subjected before
+them.
+
+As in all cases of this kind, the Editor's share has been of the very
+lightest. It would not have become him to have added anything either
+of explanation or apology to the contents of these Letters. Even when a
+word or two might have served to correct a mistaken impression, he
+has preferred to leave the obvious task to the reader's judgment to
+obtrusively making himself the means of interpretation. In fact, he has
+had little to do beyond opening the door and announcing the company, and
+his functions cease when this duty is accomplished. It would be alike
+ungracious and ungrateful in him, however, were he to retire without
+again thanking those kind and indulgent friends who have so long and so
+warmly welcomed him.
+
+With no higher ambition in life than to be the servant of that same
+Public, nor any more ardent desire than to merit well at their hands, he
+writes himself, as he has so often had occasion to do before, but at no
+time more sincerely than now,
+
+Their very devoted and faithful servant,
+
+THE EDITOR.
+
+
+
+
+THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD
+
+
+
+
+LETTER I. TO MR. THOMAS PURCELL, OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+
+Hôtel Des Bains, Ostend.
+
+Dear Tom,--Here we are at last,--as tired and seasick a party as
+ever landed on the same shore! Twenty-eight hours of it, from the St.
+Katharine Docks, six of them bobbing opposite Margate in a fog,--ringing
+a big bell all the time, and firing minute-guns, lest some thumping
+India-man or a homeward-bound Peninsular should run into us,--and five
+more sailing up and down before Ostend, till it was safe to cross the
+bar, and enter the blackguard little harbor. The "Phoenix"--that was our
+boat--started the night before the "Paul Jones" mail-packet, and we
+only beat her by a neck, after all! And this was a piece of Mrs. Dodd's
+economy: the "Phoenix" only charges "ten-and-six" for the first cabin;
+but, what with the board for a day and night, boats to fetch you out,
+and boats to fetch you in, brandy-and-water against the sickness,--much
+good it was!--soda-water, stewards, and the devil knows what of broken
+crockery,--James fell into the "cuddy," I think they call it,
+and smashed two dozen and three wine-glasses, the most of a blue
+tea-service, and a big tureen,--the economy turned out a "delusion and a
+snare," as they say in the House. It 's over now, thank God! and, except
+some bruises against the bulkheads and a touch of a jaundice, I 'm
+nothing the worse. We landed at night, and were marched off in a gang to
+the Custom House. Such a time I never spent before! for when they upset
+all our things on the floor, there was no getting them into the trunks
+again; and so we made our way through the streets, with shawls and muffs
+and silk dresses all round us, like a set of play-actors. As for me, I
+carried a turban in one hand, and a tray of artificial flowers in the
+other, with a toque on my head and a bird-of-paradise feather in my
+mouth. James fell, crossing the plank, with three bran-new frocks and a
+bonnet of the girls', and a thing Mrs. D. calls a "visite,"--egad,
+they made a visite of it, sure enough, and are likely to stay some time
+there, for they are under some five feet of black mud, that has lain
+there since before the memory of man. This was n't the worst of it;
+for Mrs. D., not seeing very well in the dark, gave one of the passport
+people a box on the ear that she meant for poor Paddy, and we were
+hauled up before the police, and made pay thirty francs for "insulting
+the authorities," with something written on our passport, besides,
+describing my wife as a dangerous kind of woman, that ought to be looked
+after. Poor Mathews had a funny song, that ran,--
+
+     "If ever you travel, it must n't seem queer
+     That you sometimes get rubs that you never get here."
+
+But, faith, it appears to me that we have fallen in with a most uncommon
+allowance of friction. Perhaps it's all for the best; and by a little
+roughing at first, we'll the sooner accustom ourselves to our new
+position.
+
+You know that I never thought much of this notion of coming abroad,
+but Mrs. D. was full of it, and gave me neither peace nor ease till I
+consented. To be sure, if it only realizes the half of what she says,
+it's a good speculation,--great economy, tip-top education for Tom and
+the girls, elegant society without expense, fine climate, and wine for
+the price of the bottles. I 'm sorry to leave Dodsborough.
+
+I got into a way of living there that suited me; and even in the few
+days I spent in London I was missing my morning's walk round the big
+turnip-field, and my little gossip with Joe Moone. Poor Joe! don't let
+him want while I 'm away, and be sure to give him his turf off our own
+bog. We won't be able to drain the Lough meadows this year, for we 'll
+want every sixpence we can lay our hands on for the start. Mrs. D. says,
+"'T is the way you begin abroad decides everything;" and, faith, our
+opening, up to this, has not been too prosperous.
+
+I thought we 'd have got plenty of letters of recommendation for the
+Continent while we were in London; but it is downright impossible to
+see people there. Vickars, our member, was never at home, and Lord
+Pummistone--I might besiege Downing Street from morning till night, and
+never get a sight of him! I wrote as many as twenty letters, and it was
+only when I bethought me of saying that the Whigs never did anything
+except for people of the Grey, Elliott, or Dundas family, that he sent
+me five lines, with a kind of introduction to any of the envoys or
+plenipotentiaries I might meet abroad,--a roving commission after a
+dinner,--sorrow more or less! I believe, however, that this is of no
+consequence; at least, a most agreeable man, one Krauth, the sub-consul
+at Moelendrach, somewhere in Holland, and who came over in the same
+packet with us, tells me that people of condition, like us, find
+their place in the genteel society abroad as naturally as a man with
+moustaches goes to Leicester Square. That seems a comfort; for, between
+me and you, the fighting and scrambling that goes on at home about
+_who_ we 'll have, and who 'll have us, makes life little better than
+an election shindy! K. is a mighty nice man, and full of information. He
+appears to be rich, too, for Tom saw as many as thirteen gold watches
+in his room; and he has chains and pins and brooches without end. He was
+trying to persuade us to spend the winter at Moelendrach, where, besides
+a heavenly climate, there are such beautiful walks on the dikes, and
+elegant society! Mrs. D. does n't like it, however, for, though we 've
+been looking all the morning, we can't find the place on the map;
+but that does n't signify much, since even our post town of
+Kellynnaignabacklish is put down in the "Gazetteer" "a small village on
+the road to Bruff," and no mention whatever of the police-station, nor
+Hannagin's school, nor the Pound. That's the way the blackguards make
+books nowadays!
+
+Mary Anne is all for Brussels, and, afterwards, Germany and the
+Rhine; but we can fix upon nothing yet. Send me the letter of credit on
+Brussels, in any case, for we 'll stay there, to look about us, a
+few weeks. If the two townlands cannot be kept out of the "Encumbered
+Estates," there 's no help for it; but sure any of our friends would
+bid a trifle, and not see them knocked down at seven or eight years'
+purchase. If Tullylicknaslatterley was drained, and the stones off it,
+and a good top dressing of lime for two years, you 'd see as fine a crop
+of oats there as ever you 'd wish; and there hasn't been an "outrage,"
+as they call it, on the same land since they shot M'Shea, last
+September; and when you consider the times, and the way winter set in
+early, this year, 't is saying a good deal. I wish Prince Albert would
+take some of these farms, as they said he would. Never mind enclosing
+the town parks, we can't afford it just now; but mind that you look
+after the preserves. If there 's a cock shot in the boundary-wood, I 'll
+turn out every mother's son of the barony.
+
+I was going to tell you about Nick Mahon's holding, but it's gone clean
+out of my head, for I was called away to the police-office to bail out
+Paddy Byrne, the dirty little spalpeen; I wish I never took him from
+home. He saw a man running off with a yellow valise,--this is his
+story,--and thinking it was mine, he gave him chase; he doubled and
+turned,--now under an omnibus, now through a dark passage,--till Paddy
+overtook him at last, and gave him a clippeen on the left ear, and
+a neat touch of the foot that sent him sprawling. This done, Paddy
+shouldered the spoil, and made for the inn; but what d' ye think? It
+turned out to be another man's trunk, and Paddy was taken up for the
+robbery; and what with the swearing of the police, Pat's yells, and
+Mrs. D.'s French, I have passed such a half-hour as I hope never to
+see again. Two "Naps." settled it all, however, and five francs to the
+Brigadier, as well-dressed a chap as the Commander of the Forces at
+home; but foreigners, it seems, are the devil for bribery. When I told
+Pat I 'd stop it out of his wages, he was for rushing out, and taking
+what he called the worth of his money out of the blackguard; so that I
+had to lock him into my room, and there he is now, crying and screeching
+like mad. This will be my excuse for anything I may make in way of
+mistakes; for, to say truth, my head is fairly moidered! As it is,
+we 've lost a trunk; and when Mrs. D. discovers that it was the one
+containing all her new silk dresses, and a famous red velvet that was to
+take the shine out of the Tuileries, we'll have the devil to pay! She's
+in a blessed humor, besides, for she says she saw the Brigadier wink
+at Mary Anne, and that it was a good kicking he deserved, instead of
+a five-franc piece; and now she's turning on me in the vernacular,
+in which, I regret to say, her fluency has no impediment. I must now
+conclude, my dear Tom, for it 's quite beyond me to remember more than
+that I am, as ever,
+
+Your sincere friend,
+
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+
+Betty Cobb insists upon being sent home; this is more of it! The journey
+will cost a ten-pound note, if Mrs. D. can't succeed in turning her off
+of it. I 'm afraid the economy, at least, begins badly.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER II. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, AT DODSBOROUGH
+
+Hotel of the Baths, Ostend. Dear Molly,--This is the first blessed
+moment of quiet I've had since I quitted home; and even now there's the
+_table d'hôte_ of sixty-two in the next room, and a brass band in the
+lobby, with, to be sure, the noisiest set of wretches as waiters ever
+I heard, shouting, screaming, knife-jingling, plate-crashing, and
+cork-drawing, till my head is fairly turned with the turmoil. The
+expense is cruel, besides,--eighteen francs a day for the rooms,
+although James sleeps in the _salon_; and if you saw the bed,--his
+father swears it was a mignonette-box in one of the windows! The eating
+is beautiful; that must be allowed. Two soups, three fishes, five roast
+chickens, and a piece of veal, stewed with cherries; a dish of chops
+with chiccory, and a meat-pie garnished with cock's-combs,--you maybe
+sure I didn't touch them; after them there was a carp, with treacle, and
+a big plate of larks and robins, with eggs of the same, all round. Then
+came the heavy eating: a roast joint of beef, with a batter-pudding, and
+a turkey stuffed with chestnuts, ducks ditto, with olives and onions,
+and a mushroom tart, made of grated chickens and other condiments. As
+for the sweets, I don't remember the half of them, nor do I like to try,
+for poor dear James got a kind of surfeit, and was obliged to go to bed
+and have a doctor,--a complaint, they tell me, mighty common among the
+English on first coming abroad. He was a nice man, and only charged five
+francs. I wish you 'd tell Peter Belton that; for though we subscribe a
+pound a year to the dispensary, Mr. Peter thinks to get six shillings
+a visit every time he comes over to Dodsborough,--a pleasant ride of
+eleven miles,--and sure of something to eat, besides; and now that
+I think of it, Molly, 'tis what's called the learned professions in
+Ireland is eating us all up,--the attorneys, the doctors, the parsons.
+Look at them abroad: Mr. Krauth, a remarkably nice man, and a consul,
+told me, last night, that for two-and-sixpence of our money you 'd have
+the best advice, law or medical, the Continent affords; and even that
+same is a comfort!
+
+The _table d' hôte_ is not without some drawbacks, however, my dear
+Molly, for only yesterday I caught an officer, the Brigadier of the
+Gendarmerie they call him, throwing sly glances at Mary Anne across the
+table. I mentioned it to K. I., but like all fathers that were a little
+free-and-easy when young, he said, "Pooh! nonsense, dear. 'Tis the way
+of foreigners; you'll get used to it at last." We dined to-day in our
+own room; and just to punish us, as I suppose, they gave us a scrag of
+mutton and two blue-legged chickens; and by the bill before me,--for I
+have it made up every day,--I see "_dîner particulier_" put down five
+francs a head, and the _table d'hôte_ is for two!
+
+K. I. was in a blessed passion, and cursed my infernal prudery, as he
+called it. To be sure, I did n't know it was to cost us a matter of
+fifteen francs. And now he 's gone off to the _café_, and Mary Anne is
+crying in her own room, while Caroline is nursing James; for, to tell
+you the truth, Betty Cobb is no earthly use to us; and as for Paddy
+Byrne, 't is bailing him out of the police-office and paying fines for
+him we are, all day.
+
+We 'll scarcely save much this first quarter, for what with travelling
+expenses and the loss of my trunk,--I believe I told you that some
+villain carried away the yellow valise, with the black satin trimmed
+with blonde, and the peach-colored "gros de Naples," and my two elegant
+ball-dresses, one covered with real Limerick lace,--these losses, and
+the little contingencies of the road, will run away with most of our
+economies; but if we live we learn, and we 'll do better afterwards.
+
+I never expected it would be all pure gain, Molly; but is n't it worth
+something to see life,--to get one's children the polish and refinement
+of the Continent, to teach them foreign tongues with the real accent,
+to mix in the very highest circles, and learn all the ways of people of
+fashion? Besides, Dodsborough was dreadful; K. I. was settling down to
+a common farmer, and in a year or two more would never have asked any
+higher company than Purcell and Father Maher; as for James, he was
+always out with the greyhounds, or shooting, or something of the kind;
+and lastly, you saw yourself what was going on between Peter Belton and
+Mary Anne!... She might have had the pride and decency to look higher
+than a Dispensary doctor. I told her that her mother's family was
+McCarthys, and, indeed, it was nothing but the bad times ever made me
+think of Kenny Dodd. Not that I don't think well of poor Peter, but
+sure it's hard to dress well, and keep three horses, and make a decent
+appearance on less than eighty pounds a year,--not to talk of a wife at
+all!
+
+I hope you 'll get Christy into the Police; they are just the same as
+the Hussars, and not so costly. Be sure that you send off the two trunks
+to Ostend with the first sailing-vessel from Limerick; they'll only cost
+one-and-fourpence a cubic foot, whatever that is, and I believe they 'll
+come just as speedy as by steam. I 'm sorry for poor Nancy Doran; she
+'ll be a loss to us in the dairy; but maybe she 'll recover yet. How
+can you explain Brindled Judy not being in calf? I can scarce believe
+it yet. If it be true, however, you must sell her at the spring fair.
+Father Maher had a conceit out of her. Try if he is disposed to give ten
+pounds, or guineas,--guineas if you can, Molly.
+
+There's no curing that rash in Caroline's face, and it's making her
+miserable. I 've lost Peter's receipt; and it was the only thing stopped
+the itching. Try and get a copy of it from him; but say it's for Betty
+Cobb.
+
+I was interrupted, my dear Molly, by a visit from a young gentleman
+whose visiting-card bears the name of Victor de Lancy, come to ask after
+James,--a very nice piece of attention, considering that he only met
+us once at the _table d'hôte_. He and Mary Anne talked a great deal
+together; for, as he does n't speak English, I could only smile and
+say "We-we" occasionally. He's as anxious about James as if he was his
+brother, and wanted to sit up the night with him; though what use would
+it be? for poor J. does n't know a word of French yet. Mary Anne tells
+me that he 's a count, and that his family was very high under the
+late King; but it's dreadful to hear him talk of Louis Philippe and
+the Orleans branch. He mentioned, too, that they set spies after him
+wherever he goes; and, indeed, Mary Anne saw a gendarme looking up at
+the window all the time he was with us.
+
+He spent two hours and a half here; and I must say, Molly, foreigners
+have a wonderful way of ingratiating themselves with one: we felt,
+when he was gone away, as if we knew him all our life. Don't pay any
+attention to Mat, but sell the fruit, and send me the money; and as for
+Bandy Bob, what's the use of feeding him now we 're away? Take care that
+the advertisement about Dodsborough is in the "Mail" and the "Packet"
+every week: "A Residence fit for a nobleman or gentleman's family,--most
+extensive out-offices, and two hundred acres of land, more if required,"
+ought to let easy! To be sure, it's in Ireland, Molly; that's the worst
+of it There is n't a little bit of a lodging here on the sands, with
+rush-bottom chairs and a painted table, doesn't bring fifty francs a
+week!
+
+I must conclude now, for it's nigh post-hour. Be sure you look after
+the trunks and the pony. Never mind sending the Limerick paper; it costs
+three sous, and has never anything new. K. I. sees the "Times" at the
+rooms, and they give all the outrages just as well as the Irish papers.
+By the way, who was the Judkin Delaney that was killed at Bruff? Sure it
+is n't the little creature that collected the county-cess: it would be a
+disgrace if it was; he was n't five foot high!
+
+Tell Father Maher to send me a few threatening lines for Betty Cobb;
+'tis nothing but the priest's word will keep her down.
+
+Your most affectionate friend,
+
+Jemima Dodd
+
+
+
+
+LETTER III. MISS DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+
+HÔTEL DE BELLEVUE, BRUSSELS.
+
+Dearest Kitty,--If anything could divert the mind from sorrow,--from the
+"grief that sears and scalds,"--it would be the delightful existence of
+this charming city, where associations of the past and present pleasure
+divide attention between them. We are stopping at the Bellevue, the
+great hotel of the upper town; but my delight, my ecstasy, is the old
+city,--the Grande Place, especially, with its curious architecture,
+of mediaeval taste, its high polished roofs, and carved architraves. I
+stood yesterday at the window where Count Egmont marched forth to the
+scaffold; I touched the chair where poor Horn sat for the last
+time, whilst his fainting wife fell powerless at his knees, and I
+thought,--yes, dearest Kitty, I own it,--I thought of that last dreadful
+parting in the summer-house with poor Peter.--My tears are blotting out
+the words as I write them. Why,--why, I ask, must we be wretched? Why
+are we not free to face the humble destiny which more sordid spirits
+would shrink from? What is there in narrow fortune, if the heart soars
+above it? Papa is, however, more inexorable than ever; and as for mamma,
+she looks at me as though I were the disgrace of our name and lineage.
+Cary never did--never could understand me, poor child!--may she never
+know what it is to suffer as I do! But why do I distress you with my
+sorrows?--"let me tune my harp to lighter lays," as that sweet poet,
+Haynes Bailey, says. We were yesterday at the great ball of Count
+Haegenstroem, the Danish Ambassador here. Papa received a large packet
+of letters of introduction on Monday last, from the Foreign Office. It
+would seem that Lord P. thought pa was a member, for he addressed him as
+M.P.; but the mistake has been so far fortunate, that we are invited on
+Tuesday to dine at Lord Gledworth's, our ambassador here, and we
+have his box for to-night at the Opera,--not to speak of last night's
+invitation, which came from him. I wore my amber gauze over the satin
+slip, with the "jonquilles" and white roses, two camellias in my hair,
+with mamma's coral chain twined through the roll at the back. Count
+Ambrose de Roncy called me a "rose-cameo," and I believe I _did_ look my
+best. I danced with "Prince Sierra d'Aguila Nero," a Sicilian that ought
+to be King of Sicily, and will, they say, if the King of Naples dies
+without leaving seven sons. What a splendid man, Kitty! not tall, rather
+the reverse; but such eyes, and such a beard, and so perfumed,--the very
+air around him was like the garden of Attarghul! He spoke very little
+English, and could not bear to talk French; he said the French betrayed
+"_la sua carissima patria;_" and so, my dear Kitty, I did my best in the
+syllables of the sweet South. _He_, at least, called my accent "divina,"
+and said that he would come and read Petrarch with me tomorrow.
+Don't let Peter be a fool when he hears this. The Prince is in a very
+different sphere from poor Mary Anne! he always dances with Queen
+Victoria when he's at Windsor, and called our Prince Consort "_Il suo
+diletto Alberto_;" and, more than all, he's married, but separated from
+the Princess. He told me this himself, and with what terrible emotion,
+Kitty! I thought of Charles Kean in Claude Melnotte, as he spoke in a
+low guttural voice, with his hand on his bosom. It was very dreadful,
+but these temperaments, moulded alike by southern climes and ancient
+descent, are awful in their passionate vehemence. I assure you, it was a
+relief to me when he stopped one of the trays and took a pineapple ice.
+I felt that it was a moment of peril passed in safety. You can form no
+notion, dearest, of the fascination of foreign manners; something there
+is so gently insinuating, so captivating, so bewitching, and withal
+so natural, Kitty,--that's the very strangest thing of all. There is
+absolutely nothing a foreigner cannot say to you. I almost blush as
+I think of what I now know must have been the veriest commonplace of
+society, but which to my ears, in all their untutored ignorance, sounded
+very odd.
+
+Mamma--and you know her prudery--is actually in ecstasy with them. The
+Prince said to me last night, "Savez-vous, Mademoiselle! Madame votre
+mère est d'une beauté classique?" and I assure you ma was delighted with
+the compliment when she heard it. Papa is not so tractable: he calls
+them the most atrocious names, and has all the old prejudices about the
+Continent that we see in the old farces. Cary is, however, worse again,
+and thinks their easy elegance, is impertinence, and all the graceful
+charm of their manner nothing but--her own words--"egregious vanity."
+Shall I whisper you a bit of a secret? Well, then, Kitty, the reason
+of this repugnance may be that she makes no impression whatever,
+notwithstanding her beauty; and there is no denying that she does not
+possess the gift--whatever it be--of fascination. She has, besides, a
+species of antipathy to everything foreign, that she makes no effort
+to disguise. A rather unfortunate acquaintance ma made, on board the
+steam-packet, with a certain Mr. Krauth, who called himself sub-consul
+of somewhere in Holland, but who turned out to be a Jew pedler, has
+given Cary such an opportunity of inveighing against all foreigners that
+she is positively unendurable. This Krauth, I must say, was atrociously
+vulgar, and shockingly ugly; but as he could talk some broken English,
+ma rather liked him, and we had him to tea; after which he took James
+home to his lodgings, to show him some wonderful stuffed birds that he
+was bringing to the Royal Princesses. I have not patience to tell you
+all the narrative; but the end of it was that poor dear James, having
+given all his pocket-money and his silver pencil-case for a tin musical
+snuff-box that won't play Weber's last waltz, except in jerks like a
+hiccough, actually exchanged two dozen of his new shirts for a box of
+Havannah cigars and a cigar-case with a picture of Fanny Elssler on it!
+Papa was in a towering passion when he heard of it, and hastened off to
+K.'s lodgings; but he had already decamped. This unhappy incident threw
+a shade over our last few days at Ostend; for James never came down
+to dine, but sat in his own room smoking the atrocious cigars, and
+contemplating the portrait of the charming Fanny,--pursuits which, I
+must say, seemed to have conduced to a most melancholy and despondent
+frame of mind.
+
+There was another _mésaventure_, my dearest Kitty. My thanks to that
+sweet language for the word by which I characterize it! A certain Count
+Victor de Lancy, who made acquaintance with us at the _table d'hôte_,
+and was presuming enough to visit us afterwards, turned out to be a
+common thief! and who, though under the surveillance of the police,
+made away with ma's workbox, and her gold spectacles, putting on pa's
+paletot, and a new plaid belonging to James, as he passed out. It is
+very shocking; but confess, dearest, what a land it must be, where the
+pedlers are insinuating, and the very pickpockets have all the ease and
+breeding of the best society. I assure you that I could not credit the
+guilt of M. de L., until the Brigadier came yesterday to inquire about
+our losses, and take what he called his _signalement_. I thought, for
+a moment or two, that he had made a mistake, Kitty, and was come for
+_mine_; for he looked into my eyes in such a way, and spoke so softly,
+that I began to blush; and mamma, always on the watch, bridled up, and
+said, "Mary Anne!" in that voice you must so well remember; and so it
+is, my dear friend, the thief and the constable, and I have no doubt,
+too, the judge, the jury, and the jailer, are all on the same beat!
+
+I have just been called away to see such a love of a rose tunic, all
+_glacé_, to be worn over a dull slate-colored jupe, looped up at one
+side with white camellias and lilies of the valley. Think of me, Kitty,
+with my hair drawn back and slightly powdered, red heels to my shoes,
+and a great fan hanging to my side, like grave Aunt Susan In the
+picture, wanting nothing but the love-sick swain that plays the
+flageolet at her feet!--Madame Adèle, the modiste, says, "not long to
+wait for a dozen such,"--and this not for a fancy ball, dearest, but for
+a simple evening party,--a "dance-able tea," as papa will call it. I
+vow to you, Kitty, that it greatly detracts from the pictorial effect
+of this taste, to see how obstinately men will adhere to their present
+ungainly and ungraceful style of dress,--that shocking solecism in
+costume, a narrow-tailed coat, and those more fearful outrages on shape
+and symmetry for which no name has been invented in any language. Now,
+the levelling effect of this black-coat system is terrific; and there is
+no distinguishing a man of real rank from his tailor,--amongst English
+at least, for the crosses and decorations so frequent with foreigners
+are unknown to us. Talking of these, Kitty, the Prince of Aguila Nero is
+splendid. He wears nearly every bird and beast that Noah had in the
+ark, and a few others quite unknown to antediluvial zoology. These
+distinctions are sad reflections on the want of a chivalric feeling in
+our country; and when we think of the heroic actions, the doughty deeds,
+and high achievements of these Paladins, we are forced to blush for the
+spirit that condemns us to be a nation of shopkeepers.
+
+How I run on, dearest, from one topic to another! just as to my mind
+is presented the delightful succession of objects about me,--objects of
+whose very existence I did not know till now! And then to think of what
+a life of obscurity and darkness we were condemned to, at home!--our
+neighborhood, a priest, a miller, and those odious Davises; our
+gayeties, a detestable dinner at the Grange; our theatricals, "The
+Castle Spectre," performed in the coach-house; and instead of those
+gorgeous and splendid ceremonials of our Church, so impressive, so
+soul-subduing, Kitty, the little dirty chapel at Bruff, with Larry
+Behan, the lame sacristan, hobbling about and thrashing the urchins
+with the handle of the extinguisher! his muttered "If I was near yeez!"
+breaking in on the "Oremus, Domine." Shall I own it, Kitty, there is a
+dreadful vulgarity about our dear little circle of Dodsborough; and "one
+demoralizes," as the French say, by the incessant appeal of low and too
+familiar associations.
+
+I have been again called away to interpret for papa, with the police.
+That graceless little wretch, Paddy Byrne, who was left behind by the
+train at Malines, went to eat his dinner at one of the small restaurants
+in the town, called the "Cheval Pie," and not finding the food to his
+satisfaction, got into some kind of an altercation with the waiter, when
+the name of the hostel coming up in the dispute, suggested to Paddy
+the horrid thought that it was the "Horse Pie-house" he had chanced
+upon,--an idea so revolting to his culinary prejudices that he smashed
+and broke everything before him, and was only subdued at last by a
+corporal's party of the gendarmerie, who handcuffed and conveyed him to
+Brussels; and here he is, now, crying and calling himself a "poor boy
+that was dragged from home," and, in fact, trying to persuade himself
+and all around him that he has been sold into slavery by a cruel
+master. Betty Cobb, too, has just joined the chorus, and is eloquently
+interweaving a little episode of Irish wrongs and sorrows into the
+tissue of Paddy's woes!
+
+Betty is worse than him. There is nothing good enough for her to eat; no
+bed to sleep upon; she even finds the Belgians deficient in cleanliness.
+This, after Bruff, is a little too bad; mamma, however, stands by her in
+everything, and in the end she will become intolerable. James intends
+to send a few lines to your brother Robert; but if he should fail--not
+improbable, as writing, with him, combines the double difficulties of
+orthography and manuscript--pray remember us kindly to him, and believe
+me ever, my dearest Kitty,
+
+Your heart-devoted
+
+Mart Anne Dodd.
+
+P. S. must not think of writing; but you may tell him that I'm
+unchanged, unchangeable. The cold maxims of worldly prudence, the sordid
+calculations of worldly interests affect me not. As Metastasio says,--
+
+     "O, se ragione intende Subito amor, non è."
+
+I know it,--I feel it. There is what Balzac calls _une perversité
+divine_ in true affection, that teaches one to brave father and
+mother and brother, and this glorious sentiment is the cradle of true
+martyrdom. May my heart cherish this noble grief, and never forget that
+if there is no struggle, there is no victory!
+
+Do you remember Captain Morris, of the 25th, the little dark officer
+that came down to Bruff, after the burning of the Sheas? I saw him
+yesterday; but, Kitty, how differently he looked here in his _passé_
+blue frock, from his air in "our village!" He wanted to bow, but I
+cut him dead. "No," thought I, "times are changed, and we with them!"
+Caroline, who was walking behind me with James, however, not only
+saluted, but spoke to him. He said, "I see your sister forgets me; but
+I know how altered ill-health has made me. I am going to leave the
+service." He asked where we were stopping,--a most unnecessary piece
+of attention; for after the altercation he had with pa on the Bench at
+Bruff, I think common delicacy might keep him from seeking us out.
+
+Try and persuade your papa to take you abroad, Kitty, if only for a
+summer ramble; believe me, there is no other refining process like it.
+If you only saw James already--you remember what a sloven he was--you'd
+not know him; his hair so nicely divided and perfumed; his gloves so
+accurately fitting; his boots perfection in shape and polish; and all
+the dearest little trinkets in the world--pistols and steam-carriages,
+death's-heads, ships and serpents--hanging from his watch-chain; and as
+for the top of his cane, Kitty, it is paved with turquoise, and has
+a great opal in the middle. Where, how, and when he got all this
+"elegance," I can't even guess, and I see it must be a secret, for
+neither pa nor ma have ever yet seen him _en gala_. I wish your brother
+Robert was with him. It would be such an advantage to him. I am certain
+Trinity College is all that you say of it; but confess, Kitty, Dublin is
+terribly behind the world in all that regards civilization and "ton."
+
+
+
+
+LETTER IV. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQUIRE TRINITY COLLEGE, DUBLIN
+
+HÔTEL DE BELLEVUE, BRUSSELS.
+
+Dear Bob,--Here we are, living another kind of life from our old
+existence at Dodsborough! We have capital quarters at the "Bellevue,"--a
+fine hotel, excellent dinners, and, what I think not inferior to either,
+a most obliging Jew money-changer hard by, who advances "moderate loans
+to respectable parties, on personal security,"--a process in which I
+have already made some proficiency, and with considerable advantage to
+my outward man. The tailors are first-rate, and rig you out with gloves,
+boots, hat, even to your cane,--they forget nothing. The hairdressers
+are also incomparable. I thought, at first, that capillary attraction
+was beyond _me_; but, to my agreeable surprise, I discover that I boast
+a very imposing _chevelure_, and a bright promise of moustache which, as
+yet, is only faintly depicted by a dusky line on my upper lip.
+
+It's all nonsense to undervalue dress: I'm no more the same man in my
+dark-green paletot, trimmed with Astracan, that I was a month ago in my
+fustian shooting-jacket, than a well-plumed eagle is like a half-moulted
+turkey. There is an inseparable connection between your coat and your
+character; and few things so react on the morality of a man as the cut
+of his trousers. Nothing more certainly tells me this than the feeling
+with which I enter any public place now, compared to what I experienced
+a few weeks back. It was then half shame, half swagger,--a conflict
+between modesty and defiance. Now, it is the easy assurance of being
+"all right,"--the conviction that my hat, my frock, my cravat, my
+vest, can stand the most critical examination; and that if any one be
+impertinent enough to indulge in the inquiry through his eye-glass, I
+have the equal privilege to return stare for stare, with, mayhap, an
+initiatory sneer into the bargain. By the way, the habit of looking
+unutterably fierce seems to be the first lesson abroad. The passport
+people, as you land, the officers of the Customs, the landlord of your
+inn, the waiters, the railroad clerks, all "get up" a general air of
+sovereign contempt for everybody and everything, rather puzzling at
+first, but quite reassuring when you are trained to reciprocity. For the
+time, I rather flatter myself to have learned the dodge well; not but,
+I must confess to you, Bob, that my education is prosecuted under
+difficulties. During the whole of the morning I 'm either with the
+governor or my mother, sight-seeing and house-hunting,--now seeking
+out a Rubens, now making an excursion into the market, and making
+exploratory researches into the prices of fish, fowl, and vegetables;
+cheapening articles that we don't intend to buy,--a process my mother
+looks upon as a moral exercise; and climbing up "two-pair," to see
+lodgings we have no intention to take: all because, as she says, "we
+ought to know everything;" and really the spirit of inquiry that moves
+her will have its reward,--not always, perhaps, without some drawbacks,
+as witness what happened to us on Tuesday. In our rambles along the
+Boulevard de Waterloo, we saw a smart-looking house, with an _affiche_
+over the door, "A louer;" and, of course, mother and Mary Anne at once
+stopped the carriage for an exploration. In we went, asked for the
+proprietor, and saw a small, rosy-cheeked little man, with a big wig,
+and a very inquiet, restless look in his eyes. "Could we see the house?
+Was it furnished?" "Yes," to both questions. "Were there stables?"
+"Capital room for four horses; good water,--two kinds, and both
+excellent." Upstairs we toiled, through one _salon_ into another,--now
+losing ourselves in dark passages, now coming abruptly to unlock-able
+doors,--everlastingly coming back to the spot we had just left, and
+conceiving the grandest notions of the number of rooms, from the manner
+of our own perambulations. Of course you know the invariable incidents
+of this tiresome process, where the owner is always trying to open
+impracticable windows, and the visitors will rush into inscrutable
+places, in despite of all advice and admonition. Our voyage of discovery
+was like all preceding ones; and we looked down well-staircases and up
+into skylights,--snuffed for possible smells, and suggested imaginary
+smoke, in every room we saw. While we were thus busily criticising
+the domicile, its owner, it would seem, was as actively engaged in an
+examination of _us_, and apparently with a less satisfactory result, for
+he broke in upon one of our consultations by a friendly "No, no, ladies;
+it won't do,--it won't do at all. This house would never suit;"
+and while my mother stared, and Mary Anne opened wide her eyes in
+astonishment, he went on: "We 're only losing time, ladies; both your
+time and mine will be wasted. This is not the house for _you_." "I beg
+to observe, sir, that I think it is," interposed my mother, who, with
+a very womanly feeling, took a prodigious fancy to the place the moment
+she discovered there was a difficulty about it. The owner, however,
+was to the full as decided; and in fact hurried us out of the rooms,
+downstairs, and into the street, with a degree of haste savoring far
+more of impatience than politeness. I rather was disposed to laugh
+at the little man's energetic rejection of us; but my mother's rage
+rendered any "mirthful demonstration inopportune," as the French would
+say; and so I only exchanged glances with Mary Anne, while our eloquent
+parent abused the "little wretch" to her heart's content. Although the
+circumstance was amply discussed by us that evening, we had well-nigh
+forgotten it in the morning, when, to our astonishment, our little
+friend of the Boulevard sent in his name, "Mr. Cherry," with a request
+to see papa. My mother was for seeing him herself; but this amendment
+was rejected, and the original motion carried.
+
+After about five minutes' interview, we were alarmed by a sudden noise
+and violent cries; and on rushing from the drawing-room, I just caught
+sight of Mr. Cherry making a flying leap down the first half of the
+staircase, while my father's uplifted foot stood forth to evidence what
+had proved the "vis à tergo." His performance of the next flight was
+less artistic, for he rolled from top to bottom, when, by an almost
+preternatural effort, he made his escape into the street. The governor's
+passion made all inquiries perilous for some minutes; in fact, this
+attempt to make "Cherry-bounce," as Cary called it, seemed to have got
+into his head, for he stormed like a madman. At last the _causa belli_
+came out to be, that this unhappy Mr. Cherry had come with an apology
+for his strange conduct the day before,--by what think you? By his
+having mistaken my mother and sister for what slang people call "a case
+of perhaps,"--a blunder which certainly was not to be remedied by
+the avowal of it. So at least thought my father, for he cut short the
+apology and the explanation at once, ejecting Mr. Cherry by a more
+summary process than is recognized in the law-courts.
+
+My mother had hardly dried up her tears in crying, and I mine in
+laughing over this strange incident, when there came an emissary of the
+gendarmerie to arrest the governor for a violent assault, with intent,
+&c. &c, and it is only by the intervention of our Minister here that
+bail has been accepted; my father being bound to appear before the
+"Court of Correctional Police" on Monday next. If we remain much longer
+here, we are likely to learn something of the laws, at least in a way
+which people assure you is always most indelible,--practically. If we
+continue as we have commenced, a little management on the part of the
+lawyers, and a natural desire on the part of my father to obtain
+justice, may prolong our legal affairs far into the spring; so that we
+may possibly not leave this for some months to come, which, with the aid
+of my friend, Lazarus Simrock, may be made pleasurable and profitable.
+
+[Illustration: 058]
+
+It's all very well to talk about "learning French, seeing galleries and
+studying works of art," my dear Bob, but where's the time?--that's the
+question. My mother and the girls poach my entire morning. It's the
+rarest thing in the world for me to get free of them before five
+o'clock; and then I have just time to dash down to the club, and have a
+"shy" at the écarté before dinner. Smart play it is, sometimes seventy,
+ay, a hundred Naps, on a game; and such players too!--fellows that sit
+for ten minutes with a card on their knee, studying your face,
+watching every line and lineament of your features, and reading you,
+by Jove,--reading you like a book. All the false air of ease and
+indifference, all the brag assurance you may get up to conceal a "bad
+hand," isn't worth sixpence. They laugh at your puerile efforts, and
+tell you "you are voled" before you've played a card. We hear so much
+about genius and talent, and all that kind of thing at home, and you,
+I have no doubt, are full of the high abilities of some fellowship
+or medallist man of Trinity; but give _me_ the deep penetration, the
+intense powers of calculation, the thorough insight into human nature,
+of some of the fellows I see here; and for success in life, I 'll back
+them against all your conic section and x plus y geniuses, and all the
+double first classes that ever breathed. There's a splendid fellow here,
+a Pole, called Koratinsky; he commanded the cavalry at Ostrolenca,
+and, it is said, rode down the Russian Guard, and sabred the Imperial
+Cuirassiers to a man. He's the first écarté and piquet player in Europe,
+and equal to Deschapelles at whist. Though he is very distant and cold
+in his manner to strangers, he has been most kind and good-natured to
+me; has given me some capital advice, too, and warned me against several
+of the fellows that frequent the club. He tells me that he detests and
+abhors play, but resorts to it as a distraction. "Que voulez-vous?"
+said he to me the other day; "when a man who calls himself Ladislaus
+Koratinsky, who has the blood of three monarchs in his veins, who has
+twice touched the crown of his native land, sees himself an exile and a
+'proscrit,' it is only in the momentary excitement of the gaming-table
+he can find a passing relief for crushing and withering recollections."
+He could be in all the highest circles here. The greatest among the
+nobles are constantly begging and entreating him to come to their
+houses, but he sternly refuses. "Let me know one family," says he, "one
+domestic circle, where I can go uninvited, when I will,--where I can
+repose my confidence, tell my sorrows, and speak of my poor country;
+give me one such, and I ask for no more; but as for dukes and grand
+seigneurs, princesses and duchesses, I've had but too much of them." I
+assure you, Bob, it 's like a page out of some old story of chivalry to
+listen to him. The splendid sentiments, the glorious conceptions, and
+the great plans he has for the regeneration of Europe; and how he abhors
+the Emperor of Russia! "It's a 'duel à mort entre Nicholas et moi,'"
+said he to me yesterday.
+
+"The terms of the conflict were signed on the field of Ostrolenca; for
+the present the victory is his, but there is a time coming!" I have been
+trying all manner of schemes to have him invited to dine with us. Mother
+and Mary Anne are with me, heart and hand; but the governor's late
+mischances have soured him against all foreigners, and I must bide my
+time. I feel, however, when my father sees him, he'll be delighted with
+him; and then he could be invaluable to us in the way of introductions,
+for he knows every crowned head and prince on the Continent.
+
+After dinner, pretending to take an evening lesson in French, I'm off to
+the Opera. I belong to an omnibus-box,--all the fast fellows here,--such
+splendid dressers, Bob, and each coming in his brougham. I'm deucedly
+ashamed that I've nothing but a cabriolet, which I hire from my friend
+Lazarus at twelve pounds a month. They quiz me tremendously about my
+"rococo" taste in equipage, but I turn off the joke by telling them that
+I'm expecting my cattle and my "traps" from London next week. Lazarus
+promises me that I shall have a splendid "Malibran" from Hobson, and two
+grays over by the Antwerp packet, if I give him a bill for the price, at
+three months; and that he'll keep them for me at his stables till I
+'m quite ready to pay. Stickler, the other job-master here, wanted the
+governor's name on the bills, and behaved like a scoundrel, threatening
+to tell my father all about it It cost me a "ten-pounder" to stop him.
+
+After the theatre we adjourn to Dubos's to supper, and I can give you
+no idea, Bob, of what a thing that supper is! I remember when we used
+to fancy it was rather a grand affair to finish our evening at Jude's or
+Hayes's with a vulgar set-out of mutton-chops, spatchcocks, and devilled
+kidneys, washed down with* that filthy potation called punch. I shudder
+at the vile abomination of the whole when I think of our delicate
+lobster en mayonnaise^ or crouton aux truffes, red partridges in Rhine
+wine, and maraschino jelly, with Moët frappé to perfection. We generally
+invite some of the "corps," who abound in conversational ability, and
+are full of the pleasant gossip of the stage. There is Mademoiselle
+Léonine, too, in the ballet, the loveliest creature ever was seen. They
+say Count Maerlens, aide-de-camp of the King, is privately married
+to her, but that she won't leave the boards till she has saved a
+million,--but whether of francs or pounds, I don't remember.
+
+When our supper is concluded, it is generally about four o'clock, and
+then we go to D'Arlaen's rooms, where we play chicken-hazard till our
+various houses are accessible.
+
+I 'm not much up to this as yet; my forte is écarté, at which I am the
+terror of these fellows; and when the races come on next month, I
+think my knowledge of horseflesh will teach them a thing or two. I have
+already a third share in a splendid horse called Number Nip, bred out
+of Barnabas by a Middleton mare; he's engaged for the Lacken Cup and
+the Salle Sweepstakes, and I 'm backing him even against the field for
+everything I can get. If you 'd like to net a fifty without risk, say so
+before the tenth, and I 'll do it for you.
+
+So that you see, Bob, without De Porquet's Grammar and "Ollendorff's
+Method," my time is tolerably full. In fact, if the day had forty-eight
+hours, I have something to fill every one of them.
+
+There would be nothing but pleasure in this life, but for certain
+drawbacks, the worst of which is that I am not alone here. You have no
+idea, Bob, to what subterfuges I 'm reduced, to keep my family out
+of sight of my grand acquaintances. Sometimes I call the governor my
+guardian; sometimes an uncle, so rich that I am forced to put up with
+all his whims and caprices. Egad! it went so far, f other day, that I
+had to listen to a quizzing account of my aunt's costume at a concert,
+and hear my mother shown up as a _précieuse ridicule_ of the first
+water. There's no keeping them out of public places, too; and how they
+know of all the various processions, Te Deums, and the like I cannot
+even guess. My own metamorphosis is so complete that I have cut them
+twice dead, in the Park; and no later than last night, I nearly ran over
+my father in the Allée Verte with my tandem leader, and heard the whole
+story this morning at breakfast, with the comforting assurance that "he
+'d know the puppy again, and will break every bone in his body if he
+catches him." In consequence of which threat, I have given orders for a
+new beard and moustache of the Royal Albert hue, instead of black, which
+I have worn heretofore. I must own, though, it is rather a bore to
+stand quietly by and see fellows larking your sister; but Mary Anne is
+perfectly incorrigible, notwithstanding all I have said to her. Cary's
+safety lies in hating the Continent and all foreigners, and that is just
+as absurd.
+
+The governor, it seems, is perpetually writing to Vickars, our member,
+about something for _me_. Now, I sincerely hope that he may not succeed;
+for I own to you that I do not anticipate as much pleasure and amusement
+from either a "snug berth in the Customs" or a colonial situation; and
+after all, Bob, why should I be reduced to accept of either? Our estate
+is a good one, and if a little encumbered or so, why, we 're not worse
+off than our neighbors. If I must do something, I 'd rather go into a
+Light Cavalry Regiment--such as the Eleventh, or the Seventeenth--than
+anything else. I say this to you, because your uncle Purcell is bent on
+his own plans for me, which would be nothing short of utter degradation;
+and if there's anything low-bred and vulgar on earth, it's what they
+call a "Profession." You know the old adage about leading a horse to the
+water; now I frankly declare to you that twenty shall not make me drink
+any of the springs of this knowledge, whether Law, Medicine, or Divinity
+lie at the bottom of the well.
+
+It does not require any great tact or foresight to perceive that not
+a man of my "set" would ever know me again under such circumstances.
+I have heard their opinions often enough on these matters not to be
+mistaken; and whatever we may think in Ireland about our doctors and
+barristers, they are what Yankees call "mighty small potatoes" abroad.
+
+Lord George Tiverton said to me last night, "Why doesn't your governor
+put you into 'the House'? You'd make a devilish good figure there." And
+the notion has never left me since. Lord George himself is Member for
+Hornby, but he never attends the sittings, and only goes into Parliament
+as a means of getting leave from his regiment. They say he's the
+"fastest" fellow in the service; he has already run through seventeen
+thousand a year, and one hundred and twenty thousand of his wife's
+fortune. They are separated now, and he has something like twelve
+hundred a year to live on; just enough for cigars and brandy and water,
+he calls it. He's the best-tempered fellow I ever saw, and laughs and
+jokes about his own misfortunes as freely as possible. He knows the
+world--and he's not yet five-and-twenty--perhaps better than any man
+I ever saw. There is not a bill-discounter, not a betting-man, nor a
+ballet-dancer, he is not acquainted with; and such amusing stories as he
+tells of his London life and experiences. When he found that he had run
+through everything--when all his horses were seized at Ascot, and his
+house taken in execution in London, he gave a splendid _fête_ at Hornby,
+and invited upwards of sixty people down there, and half the county to
+meet them. "I resolved," said he, "on a grand finish; and I assure you
+that the company did not enjoy themselves the less heartily because
+every second fellow in my livery was a sheriff's officer, and that
+all the forks and spoons on the table were under seizure. There was
+a 'caption,' as they term it, on everything, down to the footmen's
+bag-wigs and knee-buckles. We went to supper at two o'clock; and I took
+in the Duchess of Allington, who assuredly never suspected that there
+was such a close alliance between my drawing-room and the Queen's Bench.
+The supper was exquisite; poor Marriton had exhausted himself in the
+devices of his art, and most ingeniously intimated his appreciation
+of my situation by a plate of ortolans _en salmi, sautés à la
+Fonblanque_,--a delicate allusion to the Bankrupt Commissioner. I nearly
+finished the dish myself, drank off half a bottle of champagne, took out
+Lady Emily de Maulin for the cotillon, and then, slipping away, threw
+myself into a post-chaise, arrived at Dover for the morning mail-packet,
+and landed at Boulogne free as William Tell, or that eagle which he
+is so enthusiastic in describing as a most remarkable instance of
+constitutional liberty." These are his own words, Bob; but without you
+saw his manner, and heard his voice, you could form no notion whatever
+of the careless, happy self-satisfaction of one who calls himself
+irretrievably ruined.
+
+From all that I have been jotting down, you may fancy the set I am
+moving in, and the class with whom I associate. Then there is a German
+Graf von Blumenkohl, and a Russian Prince Kubitzkoy, two tremendous
+swells; a young French Marquis de Tregues, whose mother was
+granddaughter, I believe, of Madame du Barri, and a large margin of
+inferior dons, Spanish, Italian, and Belgian. That your friend Jemmy
+Dodd should be a star, even a little one, in such a galaxy, is no small
+boast; and such, my dear Bob, I am bound to feel it. Each of these
+fellows has a princely fortune, as well as a princely name, and it is
+not without many a clever dodge and cunning artifice that, weighted as I
+am, I can keep pace with them. I hope you'll succeed, with all my heart,
+for the scholarship or fellowship. Which is it? Don't blame me for the
+blunder, for I have never, all my life through, been able to distinguish
+between certain things which I suppose other persons find no resemblance
+in. Thus I never knew exactly whether the word "people" was spelled "eo"
+or "oe." I never knew the Derby from the Oaks, nor shall I ever, I'm
+certain, be able to separate in my mind Moore O'Ferral from Carew
+O'Dwyer, though I am confidently informed there is not a particle of
+similarity in the individuals, any more than in the names.
+
+Write to me when your match is over,--I mean your examination,--and say
+where you 're placed. I 'll take you against the field, at the current
+odds, in "fives."
+
+And believe me, ever your attached friend,
+
+J. Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER V. KENNY DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ.
+
+HÔTEL DE BELLEVUE, BRUSSELS.
+
+Dear Tom,--Yours did not reach me till yesterday, owing to some
+confusion at the Post-office. There is another Dodd here, who has been
+receiving _my_ letters, and I _his_, for the last week; and I conclude
+that each of us has learned more than was quite necessary of the other's
+affairs; for while _he_ was reading of all the moneyed distresses
+and embarrassments of your humble servant, _I_ opened a letter dated
+Doctors' Commons, beginning, "Dear sir, we have at last obtained the
+most satisfactory proofs against Mrs. Dodd, and have no hesitation in
+now submitting the case to a jury." We met yesterday, and exchanged
+credentials, with an expression of face that I'm sure "Phiz" would have
+given a five-pound note to look at. Peachem and Lockit were nothing to
+it. We agreed that either of us ought to leave this, to prevent similar
+mistakes in future, although, in my heart, I believe that we now know so
+much of each other's affairs, that we might depute one of us to conduct
+both correspondences. In consequence, we tossed up who was to go. _He_
+won; so that we take our departure on Wednesday next, if I can settle
+matters in the mean while. I 'm told Bonn, on the Rhine, is a cheap
+place, and good for education,--a great matter as regards James,--so
+that you may direct your next to me there. To tell you the truth, Tom,
+I'm scarcely sorry to get away, although the process will be anything
+but a cheap one. First of all, we have taken the rooms for three months,
+and hired a job-coach for the same time. Moving is also an expensive
+business, and not over-agreeable at this season; but against these
+there is the setoff that Mrs. D. and the girls are going to the devil in
+expense for dress. From breakfast-time till three or four o'clock
+every day, the house is like a fair with milliners, male and female,
+hairdressers, perfumers, shoemakers, and trinket-men. I thought we'd
+done with all this when we left London; but it seems that everything we
+bought there is perfectly useless, and Mrs. D. comes sailing in every
+now and then, to make me laugh, as she says, at a bit of English taste
+by showing me where her waist is too short, or her sleeves too long; and
+Mary Anne comes down to breakfast in a great stiff watered silk, which
+for economy she has converted into a house-dress. Caroline, I must say,
+has not followed the lead, and is quite satisfied to be dressed as
+she used to be. James I see little of, for he 's working hard at the
+languages, and, from what the girls say, with great success. Of course,
+this is all for the best; but it's little use French or even Chinese
+would be to him in the Customs or the Board of Trade, and it's there I'm
+trying to get him. Vickars told me last week that his name is down on
+no less than four lists, and it will be bad luck but we 'll bit upon
+something. Between ourselves, I'm not over-pleased with Vickars.
+Whenever I write to him about James, his reply is always what he's doing
+about the poor laws, or the Jews, or the grant to Maynooth; so that I
+had to tell him, at last, that I 'd rather hear that my son was in the
+Revenue, than that every patriarch in Palestine was in Parliament, or
+every papist in Ireland eating venison and guinea-hens. Patriotism is
+a fine thing, if you have a fine fortune, and some men we could mention
+have n't made badly out of it, without a sixpence; but for one like
+myself, the wrong side of fifty, with an encumbered estate, and no
+talents for agitation, it's as expensive as horse-racing, or yachting,
+or any other diversion of the kind. So there's no chance of a tenant
+for Dodsborough! You ought to put it in the English papers, with a
+puff about the shooting and the trout-fishing, and the excellent
+neighborhood, and all that kind of thing. There 's not a doubt but it's
+too good for any Manchester blackguard of them all! What you say about
+Tully Brack is quite true. The encumbrances are over eleven thousand;
+and if we bought in the estate at three or four, there would be so much
+gain to us. The "Times" little knew the good it was doing us when it
+was blackguarding the Irish landlords, and depreciating Irish property.
+There's many a one has been able to buy in his own land for one-fifth of
+the mortgages on it; and if this is n't repudiation, it's not so far off
+Pennsylvania, after all.
+
+I don't quite approve of your plan for Ballyslevin. Whenever a property
+'s in Chancery, the best thing is to let it go to ruin entirely. The
+worse the land is, the more miserable the tenants, the cheaper will be
+the terms you 'll get it on; and if the boys shoot a receiver once or
+twice, no great harm. As for the Government, I don't think they 'll
+do anything for Ireland except set us by the ears about education and
+church matters; and we 're getting almost tired of quarrelling, Tom; for
+so it is, the very best of dispositions may be imposed on too far!
+
+Now, as to "education," how many amongst those who insist on a
+particular course for the poor, ever thought of stipulating for the
+same for their own children? or do they think that the Bible is only
+necessary for such as have not an independent fortune? And as to
+Maynooth, is there any man such a fool as to believe that £30,000 a
+year would make the priests loyal? You gave the money well knowing what
+for,--to teach Catholic theology, not to instil the oath of allegiance.
+To expect more would be like asking a market-gardener to raise
+strawberries with fresh cream round them! The truth is, they don't wish
+to advance our interests in England. They 're afraid of us, Tom. If we
+ever were to take a national turn, like the Scotch, for instance, we
+might prove very dangerous rivals to them in many ways. I 'm sick of
+politics; not, indeed, that I know too much of what's doing, for the
+last "Times" I saw was cut up into a new pattern for a polka, and they
+only kept me the supplement, which, as you know, is more varied than
+amusing. In reply to your question as to how I like this kind of life, I
+own to you that it does n't quite suit me. Maybe I 'm too old in years,
+maybe too old in my notions, but it does n't do, Tom. There is an
+everlasting bowing and scraping and introducing,--a perpetual prelude
+to acquaintanceship that never seems to begin. It appears to me like an
+orchestra that never got further than the tuning of the instruments!
+I 'm sure that, at the least, I 've exchanged bows and grins and leers
+with fifty gentlemen here, whom _I_ should n't know to-morrow, nor
+do _they_ care whether I did or no. Their intercourse is like their
+cookery, and you are always asking, "Is there nothing substantial
+coming?" Then they 're frivolous, Tom. I don't mean that they are fond
+of pleasure, and given up to amusement, but that their very pleasures
+and amusements are contemptible in themselves. No such thing as
+field-sports; at least, nothing deserving the name; no manly pastimes,
+no bodily exercises; and lastly, they all, even the oldest of them,
+think that they ought to make love to your wife and daughters, just as
+you hand a lady a chair or a cup of tea in our country,--a mere matter
+of course. I need not tell you that my observations on men and manners
+are necessarily limited by my ignorance of the language; but I have
+acquired the deaf man's privilege, and if I hear the less, I see the
+more.
+
+I begin to think, my dear Tom, that we all make a great mistake in this
+taste we've got into for foreign travel, foreign languages, and foreign
+accomplishments. We rear up our families with notions and habits quite
+inapplicable to home purposes; and we are like the Parisian shopkeepers,
+that have nothing on sale but articles of luxury; and, after all, we
+have n't a genius for this trifling, and we make very ungraceful idlers
+in the end. To train a man for the Continent, you must begin early;
+teach him French when a child; let him learn dominoes at four, and to
+smoke cigars at six, wear lacquered boots at eight, and put his hair
+in paper at nine; eat sugar-plums for dinner, and barley-water for tea;
+make him a steady shot with the pistol, and a cool hand with the rapier;
+and there he is finished and fit for the Boulevard,--a nice man for the
+_salons_.
+
+It is cheap, there is no doubt; but it costs a great deal of money to
+come at the economy. You 'll perhaps say that's my own fault. Maybe it
+is. We 'll talk of it more another time.
+
+I ought to confess that Mrs. D. is delighted with everything; she vows
+that she is only beginning to live; and to hear her talk, you 'd think
+that Dodsborough was one of the new model penitentiaries. Mary Anne's
+her own daughter, and she raves about princes and dukes and counts, all
+day long. What they 'll say when I tell them that we 're to be off on
+Wednesday next, I can't imagine. I intend to dine out that evening, for
+I know there will be no standing the row!
+
+The Ambassador has been mighty polite and attentive: we dined there last
+week. A grand dinner, and fine company; but, talking French, and nothing
+but French, all the time, Mrs. D. and your humble servant were rather
+at a nonplus. Then we had his box at the opera, where, I must say, Tom,
+anything to equal the dancing I never saw,--indecency is no name for it.
+Not but Mrs. D. and Mary Anne are of a contrary opinion, and tauntingly
+ask me if I prefer a "Tatter Jack Walsh," at the cross-roads, to
+Taglioni. As for the singing, it's screeching,--that's the word for it,
+screeching. The composer is one Verdi,--a fellow, they tell me, that
+cracks every voice in Europe; and I can believe it. The young woman that
+played the first part grew purple in the face, and strained till
+her neck looked like a half-unravelled cable; her mouth was dragged
+sideways; and it was only when I thought she was off in strong
+convulsions that the audience began to applaud. There's no saying what
+their enthusiasm might not have been had she burst a blood-vessel.
+
+I intended to have despatched this by to-day's post, but it is Saint
+Somebody's day, and the office closes at two o'clock, so that I 'll have
+to keep it over, perhaps till Saturday, for to-morrow, I find, we 're to
+go to Waterloo, to see the field of battle. There's a prince--whose name
+I forget, and, indeed, I could n't spell, if I remembered it--going to
+be our "Cicerone." I 'm not sure if he says he was there at the battle;
+but Mrs. D. believes him as she would the Duke of Wellington. Then
+there's a German count, whose father did something wonderful, and two
+Belgian barons, whose ancestors, I 've no doubt, sustained the national
+reputation for speed. The season is hardly suitable for such an
+excursion; but even a day in the country--a few hours in the fields and
+the free air--will be a great enjoyment James is going to bring a Polish
+friend of his,--a great Don he calls him,--but I 'm so overlaid with
+nobility, the Khan of Tartary would not surprise me now. I 'll keep this
+open to add a few lines, and only say good-bye for the present.
+
+
+Saturday.
+
+Waterloo's a humbug, Tom. I don't mean to say that Bony found it so some
+thirty-odd years back, but such it now appears. I assure you they 've
+cut away half the field to commemorate the battle,--a process mighty
+like slicing off a man's nose to establish his identity. The result is
+that you might as well stand upon Hounslow Heath or Salisbury Plain, and
+listen to a narrative of the action, as visit Waterloo for the sake of
+the localities. La Haye Sainte and Hougoumont stand, certainly, in the
+old places, but the deep gorge beside the one, and the ridge from whence
+the cannonade shattered the other, are totally obliterated. The guides
+tell you, indeed, where Vivian's brigade stood, where Picton charged and
+fell, where Ney's column halted, faltered, and broke; they speak of the
+ridge behind which the guard lay in long expectancy; they describe to
+you the undulating swell over which our line advanced, cheering madly:
+but it's like listening to a description of Killarney in a fog, and
+being informed that Turk Mountain is yonder, and that the waterfall is
+down a glen to your right. One thing is clear, Tom, however,--we beat
+the French; and when I say "We," I mean what I say. England knows, and
+all Europe knows, who won the battle, and more's the disgrace for
+the way we 're treated. But, after all, it's our own fault in a great
+measure, Tom; we take everything that comes from Parliament as a boon
+and a favor, little guessing often how it will turn out. Our conduct in
+this respect reminds me of poor Jack Whalley's wife. You remember Jack,
+that was postboy at the Clanbrazil Arms. Well, his wife one day chanced
+to find an elegant piece of white leather on the road, and she brought
+it home with her in great delight, to mend Jack's small clothes, which
+she did very neatly. Jack set off the next day, little suspecting what
+was in store for him; but when he trotted about five miles,--it was in
+the month of July,--he began to feel mighty uneasy in the saddle,--a
+feeling that continued to increase at every moment, till at last, as he
+said, "It was like taking a canter on a beehive in swarming time;" and
+well it might, for the piece of leather was no other than a blister that
+the apothecary's boy had dropped that morning on the road; and so it is,
+Tom. There's many a thing we take to be a fine patch for our nakedness
+that's only a blister, after all. Witness the Poor Law and the "Cumbrous
+Estates Court," as Rooney calls it. But I 'm wandering away from
+Waterloo all this time. You know the grand controversy is about what
+time the Prussians came up; because that mainly decides who won the
+battle. I believe it's nearly impossible to get at the truth of the
+matter; for though it seems clear enough they were in the wood early in
+the day, it appears equally plain they stayed there--and small blame to
+them--till they saw the Inniskillings cutting down the Cuirassiers and
+sabring all before them. They waited, as you and I often waited in a
+row, till the enemy began to run, and then they were down on them.
+Even that same was no small help; for, by the best accounts, the French
+require a deal of beating, and we were dreadfully tired giving it to
+them! Sergeant Cotton, the guide, tells me it was a grand sight just
+about seven o'clock, when the whole line began cheering; first, Adam's
+brigade, then Cooke's battalion, all taking it up and cheering madly;
+the general officers waving their hats, and shouting like the rest. I
+was never able to satisfy myself whether we gained or lost most by that
+same victory of Waterloo; for you see, Tom, after all our fighting in
+Spain and Portugal, after all Nelson's great battles, all our
+triumphs and votes of thanks, Europe is going back to the old system
+again,--kings bullying their people, setting spies on them, opening
+their letters, transporting the writers, and hanging the readers. If
+they 'd have let Bony alone when he came back from Elba, the chances
+were that he 'd not have disturbed the peace of the world. He had
+already got his bellyful of fighting; he was getting old, falling into
+flesh, and rather disposed to think more of his personal ease than he
+used to do. Are you aware that the first thing he said on entering
+the Tuileries from Elba was, "Avant tout, un bon dîner"? One of the
+marshals, who heard the speech, whispered to a friend, "He is greatly
+changed; you 'll see no more campaigns." I know you 'll reply to me with
+your old argument about legitimacy and divine right, and all that kind
+of thing. But, my dear Tom, for the matter of that, have n't I a divine
+right to my ancestral estate of Tullylicknaslatterley; and look
+what they 're going to do with it, to-morrow or next day! 'T is much
+Commissioner Longfield would mind, if I begged to defer the sale, on
+the ground of "my divine right." Kings are exactly like landlords; they
+can't do what they like with their own, hard as it may seem to say so.
+They have their obligations and their duties; and if they fail in them,
+they come into the Encumbered Estates Court, just like us,--ay, and,
+just like us, they "take very little by their motion."
+
+I know it's very hard to be turned out of your "holding." I can imagine
+the feelings with which a man would quit such a comfortable quarter
+as the Tuileries, and such a nice place for summer as Versailles;
+Dodsborough is too fresh in my mind to leave any doubt on this point;
+but there 's another side of the question, Tom. What were they there
+for? You'll call out, "This is all Socialism and Democracy," and the
+devil knows what else. Maybe I 'll agree with you. Maybe I 'll say I
+don't like the doctrine myself. Maybe I 'll tell you that I think the
+old time was pleasantest, when, if we pressed a little hard to-day, why,
+we were all the kinder to-morrow, and both ruler and ruled looked more
+leniently on each other's faults. But say what we will, do what we will,
+these days are gone by, and they 'll not come back again. There 's a set
+of fellows at work, all over the world, telling the people about their
+rights. Some of these are very acute and clever chaps, that don't
+overstate the case; they neither go off into any flights about universal
+equality, or any balderdash about our being of the same stock; but they
+stick to two or three hard propositions, and they say, "Don't pay more
+for anything than you can get it for,--that's free-trade; don't pay for
+anything you don't want,--that's a blow at the Church Establishment;
+don't pay for soldiers if you don't want to fight,--that 's at 'a
+standing army;' and, above all, when you have n't a pair of breeches
+to your back, don't be buying embroidered small-clothes for
+lords-in-waiting or gentlemen of the bedchamber." But here I am again,
+running away from Waterloo just as if I was a Belgian.
+
+When we got to Hougoumont, a dreadful storm of rain came on,--such
+rain as I thought never fell out of Ireland. It came swooping along
+the ground, and wetting you through and through in five minutes. The
+thunder, too, rolled awfully, crashing and cannonading around these old
+walls, as if to wake up the dead by a memory of the great artillery.
+Mrs. D. took to her prayers in the little chapel, with Mary Anne and
+the Pole, James's friend. Caroline stood with me at a little window,
+watching the lightning; and James, by way of airing his French, got into
+a conversation, or rather a discussion, about the battle with a small
+foreigner with a large beard, that had just come in, drenched to the
+skin. The louder it thundered, the louder they spoke, or rather screamed
+at each other; and though I don't fancy James was very fluent in the
+French, it's clear the other was getting the worst of the argument, for
+he grew terribly angry and jumped about and flourished a stick, and, in
+fact, seemed very anxious to try conclusions once more on the old field
+of conflict.
+
+James carried the day, at last; for the other was obliged, as Uncle Toby
+says, "to evacuate Flanders,"--meaning, thereby, to issue forth into the
+thickest of the storm rather than sustain the combat any longer. When
+the storm passed over, we made our way back to the little inn at the
+village of Waterloo, kept in the house where Lord Anglesey suffered
+amputation, and there we dined. It was neither a very good dinner nor
+a very social party. Mrs. D.'s black velvet bonnet and blue ribbons
+had got a tremendous drenching; Mary Anne contrived to tear a new
+satin dress all down the back, with a nail in the old chapel; James
+was unusually grave and silent; and as for the Pole, all his efforts at
+conversation were so marred by his bad English that he was a downright
+bore. It is a mistake to bring one of these foreigners out with a small
+family party! they neither understand _you_ nor _you them_. Cary was the
+only one that enjoyed herself; but she went about the inn, picking up
+little curiosities of the battle,--old buttons, bullets, and the like;
+and it was a comfort to see that one, at least, amongst us derived
+pleasure from the excursion.
+
+I have often heard descriptions of that night march from Brussels to
+the field; and truly, what with the gloomy pine-wood, the deep and miry
+roads, and the falling rain, it must have been a very piteous affair;
+but for downright ill-humor and discontent, I 'd back our own journey
+over the same ground against all. The horses, probably worn out with
+toiling over the field all day, were dead beat, and came gradually down
+from a trot to a jog, and then to a shamble, and at last to a stop.
+James got down from the box, and helped to belabor them; it was raining
+torrents all this time. I got out, too, to help; for one of the beasts,
+although too tired to go, contrived to kick his leg over the pole,
+and couldn't get it back again; but the Count contented himself with
+uttering most unintelligible counsels from the window, which when he
+saw totally unheeded, he threw himself back in the coach, lighted his
+meerschaum, and began to smoke.
+
+Imagine the scene at that moment, Tom. The driver was undressing himself
+coolly on the roadside, to examine a kick he had just received from one
+of the horses; James was holding the beasts by the head, lashing, as
+they were, all the time; I was running frantically to and fro, to seek
+for a stone to drive in the linch-pin, which was all but out; while
+Mrs. D. and the girls, half suffocated between smoke and passion,
+were screaming and coughing in chorus. By dint of violent bounding and
+jerking, the wheel was wrenched clean off the axle at last, and down
+went the whole conveniency on one side, our Polish friend assisting
+himself out of the window by stepping over Mrs. D.'s head, as she lay
+fainting within. I had, however, enough to do without thinking of him,
+for the door being jammed tight would not open, and I was obliged to
+pull Mrs. D. and the girls out by the window. The beasts, by the same
+time, had kicked themselves free of everything but the pole, with which
+appendage they scampered gayly away towards Brussels; James shouting
+with laughter, as if it was the best joke he had ever known. When we
+began to look about us and think what was best to be done, we discovered
+that the Count had taken a French leave of us, or rather a Polish one;
+for he had carried off James's cloak and umbrella along with him.
+
+We were now all wet through, our shoes soaked, not a dry stitch on
+us,--all except the coachee, who, having taken off a considerable
+portion of his wearables, deposited them in the coach, while he ran up
+and down the road, wringing his hands, and crying over his misfortune in
+a condition that I am bound to say was far more pictorial than decent.
+It was in vain that Mrs. D. opened her parasol as the last refuge of
+offended modesty. The wind soon converted it into something like a
+convolvulus, so that she was fain once more to seek shelter inside the
+conveyance, which now lay pensively over on one side, against a muddy
+bank.
+
+Such little accidents as these are not uncommon in our own country; but
+when they do occur, you are usually within reach of either succor
+or shelter. There is at least a house or a cabin within hail of you.
+Nothing of the kind was there here. This "Bois de Cambre," as they call
+it, is a dense wood of beech or pine trees, intersected here and there
+by certain straight roads, without a single inhabitant along the line.
+A solitary diligence may pass once in the twenty-four hours, to or
+from Wâvre. A Waterloo tourist party is occasionally seen in spring or
+summer, but, except these, scarcely a traveller is ever to be met with
+along this dreary tract These reassuring facts were communicated to us
+by the coachee, while he made his toilet beside the window.
+
+By great persuasions, much eloquence, French and English, and a Napoleon
+in gold, our driver at length consented to start on foot for Brussels,
+whence he was to send us a conveyance to return to the capital. This
+bargain effected, we settled ourselves down to sleep or to grumble, as
+fancy or inclination prompted.
+
+I will not weary you with any further narrative of our sufferings, nor
+tell of that miserable attempt I made to doze, disturbed by Mrs. D.'s
+unceasing lamentations over her ruined bonnet, her shocked feelings,
+and her shot-silk. A little before daybreak, an empty furniture-van came
+accidentally by, with the driver of which we contracted for our return
+to Brussels, where we arrived at nine o'clock this morning, almost as
+sad a party as ever fled from Waterloo! I thought I 'd jot down these
+few details before I lay down for a sleep, and it is likely that I may
+still add a line or two before post-hour.
+
+
+Monday.
+
+My dear Tom,--We've had our share of trouble since I wrote the last
+postscript. Poor James has been "out," and was wounded in the leg, above
+the knee. The Frenchman with whom he had a dispute at Hougoumont sent
+him a message on Saturday last; but as these affairs abroad are always
+greatly discussed and argued before they come off, the meeting did n't
+take place till this morning, when they met near Lacken. James's
+friend was Lord George Tiverton, Member for Hornby, and son to some
+Marquis,--that you'll find out in the "Peerage," for my head is too
+confused to remember.
+
+He stood to James like a trump; drove him to the ground in his own
+phaeton, lent him his own pistols,--the neatest tools ever I looked at,
+I wonder he could miss with them,--and then brought him back here, and
+is still with him, sitting at the bedside like a brother. Of course it's
+very distressing to us all, and poor James is in terrible pain, for the
+leg is swelled up as thick as three, and all blue, and the doctors don't
+well know whether they can save it; but it's a grand thing, Tom, to know
+that the boy behaved beautifully. Lord G. says: "I've been out something
+like six-and-twenty times, principal or second, but I never saw anything
+cooler, quieter, or in better taste than young Dodd's conduct." These
+are his own words, and let me tell you, Tom, that's high praise from
+such a quarter, for the English are great sticklers for a grave,
+decorous, cold-blooded kind of fighting, that we don't think so much
+about in Ireland. The Frenchman is one Count Roger,--not pronounced
+Roger, but Rogee,--and, they say, the surest shot in France. He left
+his card to inquire after James, about half an hour ago,--a very
+pretty piece of attention, at all events. Mrs. D. and the girls are not
+permitted to see James yet, nor would it be quite safe, for the poor
+fellow is wandering in his mind. When I came into the room he told Lord
+George that I was his uncle! and begged me not to alarm his aunt on any
+account!
+
+I can't as yet say how far this unlucky event will interfere with our
+plans about moving. Of course, for the present, this is out of the
+question; for the surgeon says that, taking the most favorable view of
+his case, it will be weeks before J. can leave his bed. To tell you my
+mind frankly, I don't think they know much about gunshot wounds abroad;
+for I remember when I hit Giles Eyre, the bullet went through his chest
+and came out under the bladebone, and Dr. Purden just stopped up the
+hole with a pitch-plaster, and gave him a tumbler of weak punch, and he
+was about again, as fresh as ever, in a week's time. To be sure, he used
+to have a hacking kind of a short cough, and complained of a pain now
+and then; but everybody has his infirmities!
+
+I mentioned what Purden did, to Baron Seutin, the surgeon here; but
+he called him a barbarian, and said be deserved the galleys for it! I
+thought to myself, "It's lucky old Sam does n't hear you, for he's just
+the boy would give you an early morning for it!"
+
+I was called away by a message from the Commissary of the Police, who
+has sent one of his sergeants to make an inquiry about the duel.
+
+If it was to Roger he went, it would be reasonable enough; but why come
+and torment us that have our own troubles? I was obliged to sit quiet
+and answer all his questions, giving my Christian name and my wife's,
+our ages, what religion we were, if we were really married,--egad, it's
+lucky it was n't Mrs. D. was under examination,--what children we had,
+their ages and sex,--I thought at one time he was going to ask how many
+more we meant to have. Then he took an excursion into our grandfathers
+and grandmothers, and at last came back to the present generation and
+the shindy.
+
+If it was n't for Lord George, we 'd never have got through the
+business; but he translated for me, and helped me greatly,--for what
+with the confusion I was in, and the language, and the absurdity of the
+whole thing, I lost my temper very often; and now I discover that we
+'re to have a kind of prosecution against us, though of what kind, or
+at whose suit, or why, I can't find out. This will be, therefore, number
+three in my list of law-suits here,--not bad, considering that I 'm
+scarce as many weeks in the country! I have n't mentioned this to you
+before, for I don't like dwelling on it; but it's truth, nevertheless.
+I must close this at last, for we have Lord G. to dinner; and I must go
+and put Paddy Byrne through his facings, or there 'll be all kinds of
+blundering. I wish I'd never brought him with us, nor the jaunting-car.
+The young chaps--the dandies here--have a knack of driving, as if down
+on us, just to see Mary Anne trying to save her legs; but I 'll come
+across them one day with the whip, in a style they won't like. Betty
+Cobb, too, was no bargain, and I wish she was back at Dodsborough.
+
+We 're always reading in the newspapers how well the Irish get on out
+of Ireland,--how industrious they become, how thrifty, and so on;
+don't believe a word of it, Tom. There's Betty, the same lazy,
+good-for-nothing, story-telling, complaining, discontented devil ever
+she was; and as for Paddy Byrne, his fists have never been out of
+somebody's features, except when there were handcuffs on them,--_semper
+eadem!_ Tom, as we used to say at Dr. Bell's. Whatever we may be at
+home,--and the "Times" won't say much for us there,--it's _there_ we 're
+best, after all. The doctors are here again to see James; so that I must
+conclude with love to all yours, and Remain ever faithfully your friend,
+
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER VI. MISS MARY AUNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+
+Dearest Kitty,--What a dreadful fortnight have we passed through! We
+thought that poor dear James must have lost his leg; the inflammation
+ran so high, and the pain and the fever were so great, that one night
+the Baron Seutin actually brought the horrid instruments with him, and
+I believe it was Lord George alone persuaded him to defer the operation.
+What a dear, kind, affectionate creature he is! He has scarcely ever
+left the house since it happened; and although he sits up all night with
+James, he seems never tired nor sleepy, but is so full of life all day
+long, playing on the piano, and teaching us the mazurka! I should rather
+say teaching me, for Cary, bless the mark, has taken a prudish turn, and
+says she has no fancy for being pulled about, even by a lord! I may
+as well mention here, that there is nothing less like romping than the
+mazurka, when danced properly; and so Lord George as much as told her.
+He scarcely touches your waist, Kitty; he only "gives you support," as
+he says himself, and he never by any chance squeezes your hand, except
+when there 's something droll he wants you to remark.
+
+I must say, Kitty, that in Ireland we conceive the most absurd notions
+about the aristocracy. Now, here, we have one of the first, the very
+first young nobleman of the day actually domesticated with us. For the
+entire fortnight he has never been away, and yet we are as much at home
+with him, as easy in his presence, and as unconstrained as if it were
+your brother Robert, or anybody else of no position. You can form
+no idea how entertaining he is, for, as he says himself, "I 've done
+everything," and I 'm certain so he has; such a range of knowledge on
+every subject,--such a mass of acquaintances! And then he has been all
+over the world in his own yacht. It's like listening to the "Arabian
+Nights," to hear him talk about the Bosphorus and the Golden Horn; and
+I'm sure I never knew how to relish Byron's poetry till I heard Lord
+G.'s description of Patras and Salamis. I must tell you, as a great
+secret though, that he came, the other evening, in his cloak to the
+drawing-room door, to say that James wanted to see me; and when I went
+out, there he was in full Albanian dress, the most splendid thing you
+ever beheld,--a dark violet velvet jacket all braided with gold, white
+linen jupe, like the Scotch kilt, but immensely full,--he said, two
+hundred ells wide,--a fez on his head, embroidered sandals, and such a
+scimitar! it was a mass of turquoises and rubies. Oh, Kitty! I have no
+words to describe him; for, besides all this, he has such eyes, and the
+handsomest beard in the world,--not one of those foppish little tufts
+they call imperials, nor that grizzly clothes-brush Young France
+affects, but a regular "Titian," full, flowing, and squared beneath.
+Now, don't let Peter fancy that he ought to get up a "_moyen âge_ look,"
+for, between ourselves, these things, which sit so gracefully on my
+Lord, would be downright ridiculous in the dispensary doctor; and while
+I 'm on the topic, let me say that nothing is so thoroughly Irish as the
+habit of imitating, or rather of mimicking, those of stations above our
+own. I 'll never forget Peter's putting the kicking-straps on his mare
+just because he saw Sir Joseph Vickare drive with them; the consequence
+was that the poor beast, who never kicked before, no sooner felt the
+unaccustomed encumbrance than she dashed out, and never stopped till she
+smashed the gig to atoms. In the same way, I 'm certain that if he
+only saw Lord George's dress, which is a kind of black velvet paletot,
+braided, and very loose in the sleeves, he'd just follow it, quite
+forgetting how inconvenient it might be in what he calls "the surgery."
+At all events, Kitty, do not say that I said so. I'm too conscious how
+little power I have to serve him, to wish to hurt his feelings.
+
+You could not believe what interest has been felt about James in the
+very highest circles here. We were at last obliged to issue a species of
+bulletin every morning, and leave it with the porter at the hotel door.
+I own to you I thought it did look a little pretentious at first to read
+these documents, with the three signatures at the foot; but Lord George
+only laughed at my humility, and said that it was "expected from us."
+From all this you may gather that poor James's misfortune has not
+been unalloyed with benefit. The sympathy--I had almost said the
+friendship--of Lord G. is indeed priceless, and I see, from the names of
+the inquiries, that our social position has been materially benefited
+by the accident. In the little I have seen of the Continent, one thing
+strikes me most forcibly. It is that to have any social eminence or
+success you must be notorious. I am free to own that in many instances
+this is not obtained without considerable sacrifice, but it would seem
+imperative. You may be very rich, or very highly connected, or very
+beautiful, or very gifted. You may possess some wonderful talent as a
+painter or a musician or as a dramatist. You may be the great talker
+of dinner-parties,--the wit who never wanted his repartee. A splendid
+rider, particularly if a lady, has always her share of admiration.
+But apart from these qualities, Kitty, you have only to reckon on
+eccentricities, and, I am almost ashamed to write it, on follies.
+Chance--I never could call it good fortune, when I think of poor
+James--has achieved for us what, in all likelihood, we never could have
+accomplished for ourselves, and by a turn of the wheel we wake and
+find ourselves famous. I only wish you could see the list of visitors,
+beginning with princes, and descending by a sliding scale to barons and
+chevaliers; such flourishing of hats, too, as we receive whenever we
+drive out! Papa begins to complain that he might as well leave his at
+home, as he is perpetually carrying it about in his hand. But for Lord
+George, we should never know who one-half of these fine folk were; but
+he is acquainted with them all, and such droll histories-as he has of
+them would convulse you with laughter to listen to.
+
+I need not say that so long as poor dear James continues to suffer,
+we do not accept of any invitation whatever; we just receive a few
+intimates--say fifteen or twenty very dear friends--twice a week.
+Then it is merely a little music, tea, and perhaps a polka, always
+improvised, you understand, and got up without the slightest
+forethought. Lord G. is perfect for that kind of thing, and whatever
+he does seems to spring so naturally from the impulse of the moment.
+Yesterday, however, Just as we were dressing for dinner, papa alone was
+in the drawing-room, the servant announced Monsieur le Général Comte de
+Vanderdelft, aide-de-camp to the King, and immediately there entered a
+very tall and splendidly dressed man, with every order you can think of
+on his breast. He saluted pa most courteously, who bowed equally low
+in return, and then began something which pa thought was a kind of set
+speech, for he spoke so fluently and so long, and with such evident
+possession of his subject, that papa felt it must have been all got up
+beforehand.
+
+At last he paused, and poor papa, whose French never advanced beyond the
+second page of Cobbett's Grammar, uttered his usual "Non comprong," with
+a gesture happily more explanatory than the words. The General, deeming,
+possibly, that he was called upon for a recapitulation of his discourse,
+began it all over again, and was drawing towards the conclusion when
+mamma entered. He at once addressed himself to her, but she hastily rang
+the bell, and sent for _me_. I, of course, did not lose a moment, but,
+arranging my hair in plain bands, came down at once. When I came into
+the drawing-room, I saw there was some mystification, for papa was
+sitting with his spectacles on, busily hunting out something in the
+little Dialogue Book of five languages, and mamma was seated directly
+in front of the General, apparently listening to him with the utmost
+attention, but as I well knew, from her contracted eyebrows and
+pursed-up mouth, only endeavoring to read his sentiments from the
+expression of his features. He turned at once towards me as I saluted
+him, showing how unmistakably he rejoiced at the sound of his own
+language. "I come, Mademoiselle," said he, "on the part of the
+King"--and he paused and bowed at the word as solemnly as if he were in
+a church. "His Majesty having obtained from the English Legation here
+the names of the most distinguished visitors of your countrymen, has
+graciously commanded me to wait upon the Honorable Monsieur--" Here he
+paused again, and, taking out a slip of paper from his pocket, read the
+name--"Dodd. I am right, am I not, Mademoiselle Dodd?" At the mention
+of his name, papa bowed, and placed his hand on his waistcoat as if
+to confirm his identity; while mamma smiled a bland assent to the
+partnership. "To wait upon Monsieur Dodd," resumed the General, "and
+invite him and Madame Dodd to be present at the grand ceremony of the
+opening of the railroad to Mons." I could scarcely believe my ears,
+Kitty, as I listened. The inauguration ceremony has been the stock
+theme of the newspapers for the last month. Archbishops and
+bishops--cardinals, for aught I know--have been expected, regardless of
+expense, to bless everything and everybody, from the sovereign down to
+the stokers. The programme included a High Mass, military bands, the
+presence of the whole Court, and a grand _déjeuner_. To have been deemed
+worthy of an invitation to such a festival was a very legitimate reason
+for pride. "I have not his Majesty's commands, Mademoiselle," said the
+General, "to include you in the invitation; but as the King is always
+pleased to see his Court distinguished by beauty, I may safely
+promise that you will receive a card within the course of this day or
+to-morrow." I suppose I must have looked very grateful, for the
+General dropped his eyes, placed his band on his heart, and said, "Oh,
+Mademoiselle!" in a tone of voice the most touching you can conceive. I
+believe, from watching my emotion, and the General's acknowledgment of
+it, mamma had arrived at the conclusion that the General had come
+to propose for me. Indeed, I am convinced, Kitty, that such was the
+impression on her mind, for she whispered in my ear, "Tell him, Mary
+Anne, that he must speak to papa first." This suggestion at
+once recalled me to myself, and I explained what he had come
+for,--apologizing, of course, to the General for having to speak in a
+foreign language before him. I am certain mamma's satisfaction at the
+royal invitation totally obliterated any disappointment she might have
+felt from baffled expectations, and she courtesied and smiled, and papa
+bowed and simpered so much, that I felt quite relieved when the General
+withdrew,--having previously kissed ma's hand and mine, with an air of
+respectful homage only acquired in Courts.
+
+Perhaps this scene did not occupy more space than I have taken to
+describe it, and yet, Kitty, it seems to me as though we had been
+inhaling the atmosphere that surrounds royalty for a length of time!
+From my revery on this theme I was aroused by a lively controversy
+between papa and mamma.
+
+"Egad!" says papa, "Pummistone's blunder has done us good service. They
+'ve surely taken us for something very distinguished. Look out, Mary
+Anne, and see if there 's any Dodds in the peerage."
+
+"Fudge!" cried mamma; "there's no blunder whatever in the case! We
+are beginning to be known, that's all; nor is there anything very
+astonishing in the fact, seeing that King Leopold is the uncle to our
+own Queen. I should like to know what is there more natural than that we
+should receive attention from his Court?"
+
+"Maybe it's James's accident," muttered papa.
+
+"It's no such thing, I'm certain," replied mamma, angrily, "and it's
+downright meanness to impute to a mere casualty what is the legitimate
+consequence of our position."
+
+Now, Kitty, whenever mamma uses the word "position," she has generally
+come to the end of her ammunition, which is of the less consequence
+that she usually contrives with this last shot to explode the enemy's
+magazine, and blow him clean out of the water! Papa knows this so well,
+that the moment he hears it, he takes to the long boat, or, to drop
+the use of metaphor, he seizes his hat and decamps; which he did on the
+present occasion, leaving ma and myself in the field.
+
+"A Dodd indeed, in the peerage!" said she, contemptuously; "I 'd like
+to know where you 'd find it! If it was a M'Carthy, there would be some
+difference; M'Carthy More slew Shawn Bhuy na Tiernian in the year ten
+thousand and six, and was hanged for it at his own gate, in a rope of
+silk of the family colors, green and white; and I 'd like to know where
+were the Dodds then? But it's the way with your father always, Mary
+Anne; he quite forgets the family he married into."
+
+Though this was somewhat of unjust reproach, Kitty, I did not reply to
+it, but turned ma's attention to the King's gracious message, and the
+approaching _dejeuner_. We agreed that as Cary would n't and indeed
+could n't go, that ma and I should dress precisely alike, with our hair
+in bands in front, with two long curls behind the ears, white tarletan
+dresses, three jupes, looped up with marigolds; the only distinction
+being that ma should wear her carbuncles, and I nothing but moss-roses.
+It sounds very simple costume, Kitty, but Mademoiselle Adèle has such
+taste we felt we might rely upon its not being too plain. Papa, of
+course, would wear his yeomanry uniform, which is really very neat, the
+only ungraceful part being the white shorts and black gaiters to the
+knee; and these he insists on adhering to, as well as the helmet, which
+looks exactly like a gigantic caterpillar crawling over a coal-box!
+However, it's military; and abroad, my dearest Kitty, if not a soldier,
+you are nothing. The English are so well aware of this that not one of
+them would venture to present himself at a foreign court in that absurd
+travesty of footmen called the "corbeau" coat. Even the lawyers
+and doctors, the newspaper editors, the railroad people, the civil
+engineers, and the solicitors, all come out as Yorkshire Hussars,
+Gloucestershire Fencibles, Hants Rifles, or Royal Archers; these last,
+very picturesque, with kilt, filibeg, and dirk, much handsomer than any
+other Highland regiment! We also discussed a little plot about making pa
+wear a coronation-medal, which would pass admirably as an "order," and
+procure him great respect and deference amongst the foreigners; but
+this, I may as well mention here, he most obstinately rejected, and
+swore at last that if we persisted, he 'd have his commission as a
+justice of the peace fixed on a pole, and carry it like a banner before
+him. Of course, in presence of such a threat, we gave up our project.
+You may smile, Kitty, at my recording such trivial circumstances; but of
+such is life. We are ourselves but atoms, dearest, and all around us are
+no more! As eagerly as _we_ strive upwards, so determinedly does
+_he_ drag us down to earth again, and ma's noblest ambitions are ever
+threatened by papa's inglorious tastes and inclinations.
+
+I 'm so full of this delightful _fête_ my dear Kitty, that I can think
+of nothing else; nor, indeed, are my thoughts very collected even on
+that,--for that wild creature, Lord George, is thumping the piano,
+imitating all the opera people, and occasionally waltzing about the room
+in a manner that would distract any human head to listen to! He has just
+been tormenting me to tell him what I 'm saying to you, and bade me tell
+you that he 's dying to make your acquaintance; so you see, dearest,
+that he has heard of those deep-blue eyes and long-fringed lids that
+have done such marvels in our western latitudes! It is really no use
+trying to continue. He is performing what he calls a "Grand March,
+with a full orchestral accompaniment," and there is a crowd actually
+assembling in front of the house. I had something to say, however, if I
+could only remember it.
+
+I have just recalled what I wanted to mention. It is this: P. B. is most
+unjust, most ungenerous. Living, as he does, remote from the world and
+its exciting cares, he can form no conception of what is required from
+those who mingle in its pleasures, and, alas! partake of its trials! To
+censure me for the sacrifices I am making to that world, Kitty, is then
+great injustice. I feel that he knows nothing of these things! What knew
+I myself of them till within a few weeks back! Tell him so, dearest.
+Tell him, besides, that I am ever the same, save in that expansion of
+the soul which comes of enlarged views of life,--more exalted notions
+and more ennobling emotions! When I think of what I was, Kitty, and
+of what I am, I may indeed shudder at the perils of the present, but I
+blush deeply for the past! Of course you will not permit him to think
+of coming abroad; "settling as a doctor," as he calls it, "on the
+Continent," is too horrid to be thought of! Are you aware, Kitty, what
+place the lawyer and the physician occupy socially here? Something
+lower than the courier, and a little higher than the cook! Two or three,
+perhaps, in every capital city are received in society, wear decent
+clothes, and wash their hands occasionally, but there it ends! and
+even they are only admitted on sufferance, and as it were by a tacit
+acknowledgment of the uncertainty of human life, and that it is good to
+have a "learned leech" within call. Shall I avow it, Kitty, I think they
+are right! It is, unquestionably, a gross anomaly to see everlastingly
+around one in the gay world those terrible remembrancers of dark hours
+and gloomy scenes. We do not scatter wills and deeds and settlements
+amongst the prints and drawings and light literature of our drawing-room
+tables, nor do we permit physic-bottles to elbow the odors and essences
+which deck our "consoles" and chimney-pieces; and why should we admit
+the incarnation of these odious objects to mar the picturesque elegance
+of our _salons?_ No, Kitty; they may figure upon a darker canvas,
+but they would ill become the gorgeous light that illumines the grand
+"tableau" of high life! Peter, too, would be quite unsuited to the
+habits of the Continent Wrapped up as he is in his profession, he
+never could attain to that charming negligence of manner, that graceful
+trifling, that most insinuating languor, which distinguish the well-bred
+abroad. If they fail to captivate, Kitty, they at least never wound your
+susceptibilities, nor hurt your prejudices. The delightful maxim that
+pronounces "Tous les goûts sont respectables," is the keystone of this
+system. No, no, Peter must not come abroad!
+
+Let me not forget to congratulate you on Robert's success. What is it
+he has gained? for I could not explain to Lord George whether he is a
+"double first" or a something else.
+
+You are quite mistaken, my dear friend, about lace. It is fully as
+dear here as with us. At the same time I must say we never do see real
+"Brussels point" in Ireland; for even the Castle folk are satisfied with
+showing you nothing but their cast-off London finery; and as to lace,
+it is all what they call here "application,"--that is, the flowers and
+tracery are worked in upon common net, and are not part of the fabric,
+as in real "point de Bruxelles." After all, even this is as superior
+to "Limerick lace" as a foreign ambassador is, in manner, to a Dublin
+alderman.
+
+I should like to keep this over till the _dejeuner_ at Mons; but as it
+goes by "the Messenger,"--Lord Gledworth having given pa the privilege
+of the "bag,"--I cannot longer defer writing myself my dearest Kitty's
+most attached friend,
+
+Mary Anne Dodd.
+
+I open my letter to send you the last bulletin about James:--
+
+     "Monsieur James Dodd has passed a tranquil night, and is
+     proceeding favorably. The wound exhibits a good appearance,
+     and the general fever is slight
+
+     (Signed)          "Baron De Seutin.
+
+     "El'stache De Mornaye, Méd. du Roi. "Samuel Mossin,
+     M.R.C.S.L."
+
+We 're in another mess with that wretch Paddy Byrne. The gendarmes are
+now in the house to inquire after him. It would seem that he has beaten
+a whole hackney-coach stand, and set the vehicles and horses off full
+speed down the "Montagne de la Cour," one of the steepest streets in
+Europe. When will papa see it would be cheaper to send him home by a
+special steamer than to keep him here and pay for all his "escapades"?
+
+Paddy, who got on to the roof to escape the police, has just fallen
+through a skylight, and has been conveyed to hospital, terribly injured.
+He fell upon an old gentleman of eighty-two, who says he will look to
+papa for compensation. The tumult the affair has caused is dreadful, and
+pa is like a madman.
+
+The General Count Vanderdelft has come back to say that I am invited.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER VII. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH.
+
+Dear Molly,--I scarcely have courage to take up my pen, and, maybe, if
+it was n't that I 'm driven to the necessity of writing, I could n't
+bring myself to the effort. You have already heard all about poor dear
+James's duel. It was in the "Post" and "Galignani," and got copied into
+the French papers; and, indeed, I must say that so far as notoriety
+goes, it was all very gratifying to our feelings, though the poor boy
+has had to pay dearly for the honor. His sufferings were very great, and
+for ten days he did n't know one of us; even to this time he constantly
+calls me his aunt! He's now out of danger at last, and able to sit up
+for a few hours every day, and take a little sustenance, and hear the
+papers read, and see the names of the people that have called to ask
+after him; and a proud list it is,--dukes, counts, and barons without
+end!
+
+This, of course, is all very pleasing, and no one is more ready to
+confess it than myself; but life is nothing but trials, Molly; you 're
+up to-day, and you 're down tomorrow; and maybe 'tis when you think the
+road is smoothest and best, and that your load is lightest, 't is just
+at that very moment you see yourself harnessed between the "shafts of
+adversity." We never think of these things when all goes well with us;
+but what a shock we feel when the hand of fate turns the tables on us,
+with, maybe, the scarlatina or the sheep-rot, the smut in the wheat, or
+a stain on your reputation! When I wrote last, I mentioned to you the
+high station we were in, the elegant acquaintances we made, and the
+fine prospect before us; but I 'm not sure you got my letter, for the
+gentleman that took charge of it thought of going home by Norway, so
+that perhaps it has not reached you. It's little matter; maybe 't is all
+the better, indeed, if it never does come to hand! The last three weeks
+has been nothing but troubles; and as for expense, Molly, the money goes
+in a way I never witnessed before, though, if you knew all the shifts I
+'m put to, you 'd pity me, and the sacrifices I make to keep our heads
+above water would drown you in tears.
+
+I don't know where to begin with our misfortunes, though I believe the
+first of them was Wednesday week last. You must know, Molly, that we
+were invited by the King, who sent his own aide-de-camp, in full fig,
+with crosses and orders all over him, to ask us to a breakfast, or, as
+they call it, a _déjeûner_, in honor of the opening of a new railroad at
+Mons. It was, as you may believe, a very great honor to pay us, nothing
+being invited but the very first families,--the embassies and the
+ministers; and we certainly felt it well became us not to disgrace
+either the country we came from or the proud distinction of his Majesty;
+and so Mary and I had two new dresses made just the same, like
+sisters, very simple, but elegant, Molly,--a light stuff that cost
+only two-and-five a yard, thirty-two yards of which would make the two,
+leaving me a breadth more in the skirt than Mary Anne,--the whole
+not coming to quite four pounds, without the making. That was our
+calculation, Molly, and we put it down on paper; for K. I. insists on
+our paying for everything when it comes home, as he is always saying,
+"We never know how suddenly we may have to leave this place yet."
+
+Low as the price was, it took a day and a half before he gave in. He
+stormed and swore about all the expenses of the family,--that there
+was no end of our extravagant habits, and what with hairdressers,
+dancing-masters, and doctors, it cost five-and-twenty pounds in a week.
+
+"And if it did, K. I.," said I,--"if it did, is four pounds too much to
+spend on the dress of your wife and daughter, when they 're invited to
+Court? If you can squander in handfuls on your pleasures, can you spare
+nothing for the wants of your family?"
+
+I reminded him who _he_ was and _I_ was. I let him know what was the
+stock I came from, and what we were used to, Molly; and, indeed,
+I believe he 'd rather than double the money not have provoked the
+discussion.
+
+The end of it was, we carried the day; and early on Wednesday morning
+the two dresses came home; Mademoiselle Adèle herself coming with them
+to try them on. I have n't words to tell you how mine fitted; if it was
+made on me, it could n't be better. I need n't say more of the general
+effect than that Betty--and you know she is no flatterer--called me
+nothing but "miss" till I took it off. Conscious of how it became me,
+I too readily listened to her suggestion to "go and show it to the
+master," and accordingly walked into the room where he was seated
+reading the newspaper.
+
+[Illustration: 090]
+
+"Ain't you afraid of catching cold?" says he, dryly.
+
+"Why so?" replied I.
+
+"Had n't you better put on your gown, going about the passages?" says
+he, in a cross kind of way.
+
+"What do you mean, K. I.? Is not this my gown?"
+
+"That!" cried he, throwing down the newspaper on the floor. "_That!_"
+
+"And why not, pray, Mister Dodd?"
+
+"Why not?" exclaimed he; "because you're half-naked, madam,--because
+it would n't do for a bathing-dress,--because the Queen of the Tonga
+Islands would n't go out in it."
+
+"If my dress is not high enough for your taste, K. I., maybe the bill
+is," says I, throwing down the paper on the table, and sweeping out of
+the room. Oh, Molly, little I knew the words I was saying, for I never
+had opened the bill at all, contenting myself with Mademoiselle Adèle's
+promise that making would be a "bagatelle of some fifteen or twenty
+francs!" What do you think it came to? Eight hundred and thirty-three
+francs five sous. Thirty-three pounds six and tenpence-half penny! as
+sure as I write these lines. I was taken with the nerves,--just as I
+used to be long ago,--screeching and laughing and crying altogether,
+when I heard it; and the attack lasted two hours, and left me very weak
+and exhausted after it was over. Oh, Molly dear, what a morning it was!
+for what with ether and curacoa, strong sherry and aniseed cordial,
+my head was splitting; and Betty ran downstairs into the _table-d'hôte_
+room, and said that "the master was going to murder the mistress," and
+brought up a crowd of gentlemen after her. K. I. was holding my hands
+at the time, for they say that I wanted to make at Mademoiselle Adèle
+to tear her eyes out; so that, naturally enough, perhaps, they believed
+Betty's story; however that might be, they rushed in a body at K. I.,
+who, quitting hold of me, seized the poker. I need n't tell you what he
+is like when in a passion! I 'm told the scene was awful; for they all
+made for the stairs together,--K. I. after them! The appearance of the
+place afterwards may give you some notion of what it witnessed: all the
+orange-trees in the tubs thrown down, two lamps smashed, the bust of
+the King and Queen on the landing in shivers, several of the banisters
+broken; while tufts of hair, buttons, and bits of cloth were strewn
+about on all sides. The head-waiter is wearing a patch over his eye
+still, and the Swiss porter, one of the biggest men I ever saw, has cut
+his face fearfully by a fall into a glass globe with gold-fish. It was
+a costly morning's work, Molly! and if twenty pounds sees us through it,
+we 're lucky! Mr. Profiles, too, the landlord, came up to request we 'd
+leave the hotel; that there was nothing but rows and disturbances in the
+house since we entered it; and much more of the same sort. K. I.
+flared up at this, and they abused each other for an hour. This is very
+unfortunate, for I hear that P. is a baron, and a great friend of the
+King; for abroad, Molly dear, the nobles are not above anything, and
+sell cigars, and show the town to strangers to turn a penny, without
+any one thinking the worse of them! All this, as you may suppose, was a
+blessed preparation for the Court breakfast; but yet, by two o'clock
+we got away, and reached the Allée Verte, when we heard that all the
+special trains were already off, and had to take our places in the
+common conveyances meant for the public, and, worse again, to be
+separated from K. I., who had to go into a third-class, while Mary Anne
+and I were in a second. There we were, dressed up in full style in the
+noonday, with bare necks and arms, in a crowd of bagmen, officers, and
+clerks, who, you may be sure, had their own thoughts about us; and,
+indeed, there's no saying what they might n't have done as well as
+thought, if K. I. did n't come to the window every time we stopped,
+with a big stick in his hand, and by a very significant gesture gave
+the company to comprehend that he 'd make mince veal of the man that
+molested us.
+
+You may think, Molly, of what a two hours we spent, for the women in the
+train were worse than the men; and although I did not understand what
+they said, their looks were quite intelligible; but I have not patience
+to tell you more. We reached Mons at four o'clock; a great part of
+the ceremony was over. The High Mass and Benediction pronounced by
+the Cardinal of M alines; the rail was blessed; and the deputation
+had addressed the King, and his Majesty had replied, and all kinds of
+congratulations were exchanged, orders and crosses given to everybody,
+from the surveyors to the stokers, and now the procession was forming to
+the royal pavilion, where there were tables laid out for eight hundred
+people.
+
+K. I.'s scarlet uniform, though a little the worse for wear, and so
+tight in the waist that the last three buttons were left unfastened,
+procured him immediate respect, and we passed through sentries and
+patrols as if we were royalty itself; indeed, the military presented
+arms to K. I. at every step, and such clinking of muskets and bayonets I
+never heard before.
+
+All this time, Molly, we were going straight on, without knowing where
+to; for K. I. said to me in a whisper, "Let us put a bold face on it, or
+they 'll ask us for tickets or something of the kind;" and so we went,
+hoping every moment to see our friend the Count, who would take us under
+his protection. If it was n't for our own anxieties, the scene would
+have amused us greatly, for there was all manner of elegant females, and
+men in fine uniforms, and the greatest display of jewels I ever saw; but
+for all that, we were getting uneasy, for we saw that they each carried
+cards in their hands, and that the official came and asked for them as
+they passed on.
+
+"We 'll be in a nice way if Vanderdelft does n't turn up," says K.
+I.; and as he said it, there was the General himself beside us. He was
+greatly heated, as if he had been running or walking fast, and, although
+dressed in full uniform, his stock was loose, and his cocked-hat was
+without the feather. "I was afraid I should have missed you," said he,
+in a hurried voice to Mary Anne, "and I 'm half-killed running about
+after you. Where's the Queen-Mother?" This was n't very ceremonious, my
+dear, but I did n't know what he said at the time; indeed, he spoke
+so fast, it was all Mary Anne could do to follow him! for he talked of
+everything and everybody in a breath. "We 've not a minute to lose,"
+cried he, drawing Mary Anne's arm inside his own. "If Leopold once sits
+down to table, I can't present you. Come along, and I 'll get you a good
+place."
+
+How we pierced the crowd the saints alone can tell! but the General went
+at them in a way of his own, and they fell back as they saw him coming,
+in a style that made us think we had no common guide to conduct us. At
+last, by dint of crushing, driving, and pushing everybody out of our
+way, we reached a kind of barrier, where two fine-looking men in blue
+and gold were taking the tickets. As Mary Anne and the General were in
+advance of us, I did n't see what happened first; but when we came
+up, we found Vanderdelft in a flaring passion, and crying out, "These
+scullions don't know me; this canaille never heard of my name?"
+
+[Illustration: 094]
+
+"We're in a mess, Mrs. D.," said K. I. to me, in a whisper.
+
+"How can that be?" said I.
+
+"We 're in a mess," says he, again, "and a pretty mess, too, or I 'm
+mistaken;" but he had n't time for more, for just then the General
+kicked up the bar with his foot, and passed in with Mary Anne,
+flourishing his drawn sword in the air, and crying out, "Take them in
+flank--sabre them, every man--no prisoners!--no quarter!" Oh, Molly, I
+can't continue, though I 'll never forget the scene that followed. Two
+big men in gray coats burst through the crowd and laid hands on the
+General, who, it seems, had made his escape out of a madhouse at Ghent
+a week before, and was, as they said, the most dangerous lunatic in all
+Belgium. It appeared that he had gone down to his own country-house near
+Brussels, and stolen his uniform and his orders, for he was once on
+a time aide-de-camp to the Prince of Orange, and went mad after the
+Revolution.
+
+Just think of our situation as we stood there, among all the nobles and
+grandees, suffocated with laughter; for, as they tore the poor General
+away, he cried out "to take care of the Queen-Mother, and to be sure and
+get something to eat for the Aga of the Janissaries," meaning K. I.!
+
+The mob at this time began screeching and hooting, and there's
+no knowing how it might have ended, if it was n't for the little
+Captain--Morris is his name--that was once quartered at Bruff, and who
+happened to be there, and knew us, and he came up and explained who we
+were, and got us away to a coach, more dead than alive, Molly.
+
+And so we got back to Brussels that night, in a state of mind and body I
+leave you to imagine, K. I. abusing us all the way about the milliner's
+bill, the expense of the trip, and the exposure! "It's clear," says he,
+"we may leave this city now, for you 'll never recover what you call
+your 'position' here, after this day's exploit!" You may conceive how
+humbled and broken I was when he dared to say that to me, Molly, and I
+did n't so much as give him a word back!
+
+You 'll see from this that life is n't all roses with us; and indeed,
+for the last two days I 've done nothing but cry, and Mary Anne the
+same; for how we're ever to go to court and be presented now, nobody can
+tell! Morris advises K. I. to go into Germany for the summer, and maybe
+he is right; but, to tell you the truth, Molly, I can't bear that little
+man,--he has a dry, sneering kind of way with him that is odious to me.
+Mary Anne, too, hates him.
+
+So Father Maher won't buy "Judy," because she's not in calf. It's just
+like him,--he must have everything in this life his own way! Send me the
+price of the wool by Purcell; he can get a post-bill for it; and be sure
+to dispose of the fruit to the best advantage. Don't make any jam this
+year, for I 'd rather have the money than be spending it on sugar. You
+'d not believe the straits I 'm put to for a pound or two. It was only
+last week I sold four pair of K. I.'s drab shorts and gaiters, and a
+brown surtout, to a hawker for a trifle of fifteen francs, and persuaded
+him they were stolen out of his drawers! and I believe he has spent
+nearly double the money in handbills, offering a reward for the
+thief! That's the fruits of his want of confidence, and the secret and
+mysterious way he behaves to me! Many 's the time I told him that his
+underhand tricks cost him half his income!
+
+I tell him every day it's "no use to be here if we don't live in a
+certain style;" and then he says, "I'm quite ready to go back, Mrs. D.
+It was never my will that we came here at all." And there he is right,
+for it's just Ireland he's fit for! Father Maher and Tom Purcell and Sam
+Davis are exactly the company to suit him; but it's very hard that me
+and the girls are to suffer for his low tastes!
+
+The "Evening Mail," I see, puts Dodsborough down at the bottom of a
+column, as if it was Holloway's Ointment. That's what we get by having
+dealings with an Orange newspaper. They could murder us,--that's their
+feeling. They know in their hearts that they 're heretics, and they hate
+the True Church. There is nothing I detest so much as bigotry. Go to
+heaven _your own_ way, and let the Protestants go to the other place
+_theirs_. Them's my sentiments, Molly, and I believe they're the
+sentiments of a good Christian!
+
+I 'm sorry for Peter Belton, but what business has he to think of a girl
+like Mary Anne? If Dr. Cavanagh was dead himself, the whole practice
+of the country would n't be three hundred a year. Try and get an
+opportunity to tell him what I think, and say that he ought to look out
+for one of the Davises; though what a dispensary doctor wants with a
+wife the Lord only knows! K. I. civilly says he ought to be content
+making blisters for the neighbors, without wanting one on his own back!
+That's the way he talks of women. Father Maher never sent me the lines
+for Betty Cobb, and maybe I 'll be driven to have her cursed by a
+foreign priest after all. She and Paddy are the torment of our lives.
+I saved up five pounds to send them both back by a sailing-ship, but by
+good luck I discovered the vessel was going to Cuba instead of Cork, and
+so here they are still; maybe it would have been better if I had sent
+them off, though the way was something of a roundabout. There's no use
+in my speaking to K. I. about Christy, for he can get nothing for James.
+We may write to Vickars every week, but he never answers; he knows
+Parliament won't be dissolved soon, and he does n't mind us. If I 'd my
+will, there would be a general election every year, at least, and then
+we'd have a chance of getting something. I don't know which is worst,
+the Whigs or the Tories, nor is there much difference between them. K.
+I. supported each of them in turn, and never got bit nor sup from one or
+other, yet!
+
+I was sounding K. I. about Christy last night, and _he_ thinks you ought
+to send him to the gold diggings; he wants nothing but a pickaxe and a
+tin cullender and a pair of waterproof boots, to make a fortune there;
+and that's more than we can say of the County Limerick. There's nothing
+so hard to provide for as a boy in these times, except a girl!
+
+The trunks have not arrived yet: I hope you despatched them.
+
+Your attached and sincere friend,
+
+
+
+
+LETTER VIII. BETTY COBB TO MRS. SHUSAN O'SHEA, PRIEST'S HOUSE, BRUFF
+
+Dear Misses Shusan,--This comes with my heart's sorrow that I'm not at
+home where I was bred and born, but livin' abroad like a pelican on a
+dissolute island, more by token that I never wanted to come, but was
+persuaded by them that knew nothin' about what they wor talking; but
+thought it was all figs and lemons and raisins, with green pays and the
+sun in season all the year round; but, on the contrahery, sich rain and
+wind I never seen afore; and as for the eating, the saints forgive me if
+it's not true, but I b'leve I ate more rats since I 've come, than ever
+ould Tib did since she was kittened. The drinkin' 's as bad or worse.
+What they call wine is spoilt vinegar; and the vegables has no bone nor
+eatin' in them at all, but melts away in the mouth like butter in July.
+But 't is the wickedness is the worst of all. O Shusan! but the men is
+bad, and the women worse. Of all the devils ever I heerd of, they bate
+them: 'T is n't a quiet walk to mass on Sunday, with maybe a decent boy
+beside you, discoorsin' or the like, and then sitting under a hedge for
+the evening, with your apron afore you, talkin' about the praties, or
+the price of pigs, or maybe the polis; but here 'tis dancin' and rompin'
+and eatin', with merry-go-rounds, swing-swongs, and skittles all the day
+long. The dancin' 's dreadful! they don't stand up fornent other, like
+a jig, where anything of a dacent partner would n't so much as look hard
+at you, but keep minding his steps and humorin' the tune; but they catch
+each other round the waist--'tis true I am saying--and go huggin' and
+tearin' about like mad, till they can't breathe nor spake; and then, the
+noise! for 'tis n't one fiddle they have, but maybe twenty, with horns
+and flutes and a murderin' big brown tube, that a man blows into at one
+side, that makes a sound like the sea among the rocks at Kelper; and
+that's dancin', my dear! I got lave from the mistress last Sunday to go
+out in the evening with Mr. Francis, the currier, as they call him,--a
+mighty nice man, but a little free in his manners; and we went to the
+Moelenbeck Gardens, an iligant place, no doubt, with a hundred little
+tables under the trees, and a flure for dancin' and fireworks and a
+boat on a lake, with an island in it, where there was a hermit,--a
+fine-looking ould man, with a beard down to his waist, but, for all
+that, no better than he ought to be, for he made an offer to kiss me
+when I was going into the boat, and Mr. Francis laughed at me bekase
+I was angry. No matter, we went off to a place they call the Temple of
+Bakis, where there was a fat man, as I thought, stark nakit; but it was
+flesh-colored web he had on, and he was settin' on a beer-barrel, with a
+wreath of roses round his head, and looking as drunk as ever I seen;
+and for half a franc apiece, Bakis pulled out the spiget, and gave you a
+glassful of the nicest drink ever was tasted,--warm wine, with nutmeg
+in it, and cloves, and a taste of mint. I was afeerd to do more nor sup,
+seein' the place and the croud; but indeed, Shusan, little as I took, it
+got into my head; and I sat down on the steps of the Temple, and begun
+to cry about home and Dodsborough; and something came over me that Mr.
+Francis did n't mane well; and so I told everybody that I was a poor
+Irish girl, and that he was a wicked blaguard; and then the polis came,
+and there was a shindy! I don't know how far my head was wrong all the
+time; and they said that I sung the "Croniawn Dhubh;" maybe I did; but I
+know that I bate off the polis; and at last they took me away home, when
+every stitch on me was in ribbins; my iligant bonnet with the green bows
+as flat as a halfpeny; and the bombazine the mistress gave me, all rags;
+one of my shoes, too, was lost; and except a handful of hair I tore out
+of the corporal's beard, 'twas all loss to me.
+
+[Illustration: 100]
+
+This wasn't the worst; for little Paddy Byrne, that was in bed for a
+baiting he got 'mong the hackney-coachmen, jumped up and flew at Mister
+Francis for the honor of ould Ireland; and they fit for twenty minutes
+in the pantry, and broke every bit of glass and chaney in the house,
+forbye three lamps and some alybastard figures that was put there for
+safety; and the end of it was, Mr. Francis was discharged, but would n't
+take his wages, if the master did n't pay him half a year in advance,
+with diet and washing, and his expenses home to Swisserland, wherever
+that is; and there it is now, and master is in a law-shute, that
+everybody says will go agin him; for there's one good thing abroad,
+Shusan dear, the coorts stands by poor sarvants, and won't see them
+wronged by any cruel masters; and maybe it would be taching ould Mister
+Dodd something, if they made him smart for this!
+
+Ye may think, from all this, that I 'd be glad to be back again, and
+so it is. I cry all day and night, and sorrow stich I do for either the
+mistress or the young ladies, and maybe at last they 'll see 't is best
+to send me home. They needn't begrudge me the thrifle 'twould cost, for
+they're spending money like mad; and even the mistress, that would skin
+a flay in Ireland, thinks nothing of layin' out ten or fifteen pounds
+here of a day. Miss Mary Anne is as bad as the mother, and grown so
+proud and stand off that I never spake to her. Miss Caroline is what she
+used to be, barrin' the spirits; to be sure, she has no divarsion and no
+horse to ride, nor doesn't be out in the fields as she used, but for all
+that she bears it better than myself. Mister James is grown a young mau
+in three weeks, and never passes me on the stair without a wink or a
+look of the same kind; that's the way the Continent taches good manners!
+Mrs. Shusan! oh dear! oh dear! but 'tis wishing it I am, the day I come
+on this incontential tour. If I can't get back,--though it's not my
+fault if I don't,--send me the pair of strong shoes you 'll find in my
+hair trunk, and the two petticoats in the corner. If you could get a
+blade in the big scissors, send it too, and the two bits of dimity I
+want for mendin'. There was some Dandy Lion in a paper, I'd like; for
+there's none here, they say, has strength in it. You 'll be able to send
+me these by somebody coming this way, for I heerd mistress say everybody
+is travellin' these times. What was it Father Tom used to take for the
+redness in his nose? mine is tormentin' me dreadful, and though I'm
+poulticin' it every night with ash-bark, earthworms, and dragon's blood,
+I think it's only worse it's gettin'. Mr. Francis said that I must larn
+to sleep with my nose higher than my head, though how I'm to do it, the
+saints alone can tell! No time for more than to say your loving friend,
+
+Betty Cobb.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER IX. KENNY DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ.
+
+BELLEVUE, BRUSSELS.
+
+Dear Tom,--It 's no use in talking; I can't go over to Ireland now, and
+you know that as well as myself. Besides, what 's the good of me taking
+a part in the elections? Who can tell which side will be uppermost,
+after all? And if one is "to enter, it's as well to ride the winning
+horse." Vickars has behaved so badly that I don't think I'd support him;
+but there's a fortnight yet before the elections, and perhaps he may see
+the errors of his ways before that!
+
+I 've little heart or spirits for politics, for my life is fairly
+bothered out of me with domestic troubles. James is going on very
+slowly. There was a bit of glove-leather round the ball--a most
+inexcusable negligence on the part of his second--that has given much
+uneasiness; and he has a kind of night fever that keeps him low and
+weak. With that, too, he has too many doctors. Three of them come every
+morning, and never go away without a dispute.
+
+It strikes me forcibly, Tom, that medical science is one of the things
+that makes little progress, considering all the advantages of our
+century. I don't mean to say that they don't know better what's inside
+of you, what your bones are made of, that they have n't more hard names
+for everything than formerly; but that when it comes to cure you of a
+toothache, or a colic, or a fit of the gout, my sure belief is they made
+just as good a hand of it two hundred years ago. I won't deny that they
+'ll whip off your leg, tie one of your arteries, or take your hip out
+of the socket quicker than they used long ago; but how few of us, thank
+God, have need of that kind of skill! and if we have, what signifies a
+quarter of a minute more or less? Tim Hackett, that was surgeon to our
+County Infirmary forty years, never used any other tools than an old
+razor and a pair of pincers, and I believe he was just as successful as
+Astley Cooper; and yet these fellows that come to see James cover
+the table every day with instruments that would puzzle the Royal
+Society,--things like patent corkscrews, scissors with teeth like a saw,
+and one little crankum for all the world like a landing-net: James is
+more afraid of that than all the rest When I saw it first, I thought it
+was a new contrivance for taking the fees in. The Pharmacopoeia--I hope
+I spell it right--is greater, to be sure, than long ago, but what's the
+advantage of that? We never discover a new kind of beast for food, and
+I see little benefit in multiplying what only disgusts you. 'T is
+with medicine as with law, Tom; the more precedents we have, the more
+confused we get; and where our ignorant ancestors saw their way clearly,
+we, with all our enlightenment, never can hit on the right track at all.
+The mill-owner and the engineer, the tanner, the dyer, the printer,
+ay, even the fanner, picks up something every day that helps him in
+his craft. It's only the learned professions that never learn anything;
+maybe that's how they got the name "lucus à non," Tom, as Dr. Bell would
+say.
+
+You keep preaching to me about economy and making "both ends meet," and
+all that kind of balderdash; and if you only saw the way we 're living,
+you 'd be surprised at our cheapness. Whenever a five-pound note sees
+me through our bill for the day, I give myself a bottle of champagne at
+night out of gratitude! You remember all Mrs D.'s promises about thrift
+and saving; and, faith, I must say that so far as cutting "down the
+estimates" for the rest of the family, she 's worthy of the Manchester
+school; but whenever it touches herself, her liberality becomes
+boundless.
+
+I believe it would be cheaper to give the milliner a room in the house
+than pay her coach-hire, for she 's here every morning, and generally
+in my room when I 'm shaving, sometimes before I 'm up. Not that this
+trifling circumstance ever disconcerted her. On my conscience, I believe
+she 'd have taken Eve's measure before Adam, without a blush at the
+situation! So far as I have seen of foreign life, Tom, shamelessness
+is the grand characteristic, and I grieve to say that one picks up the
+indecency much easier than the irregular verbs. I wish, however, I had
+nothing to complain of but this.
+
+I told you in one of my late letters that I was getting into law here;
+the plot is thickening since that, and I have now, I believe, four
+actions--I hope it is not five--pending in four different courts; in
+some I 'm the plaintiff, in some the defendant, and in another I 'm
+something between the two; but what that may be, or what consequences
+it entails, I know as much as I do about calculating the next eclipse!
+Indeed, to distinguish between the several suits and the advocates I
+have engaged is no small difficulty, and a considerable part of every
+conference is occupied with purely introductory matter. These foreign
+lawyers have a mysterious kind of way with them, too, that always gives
+you the impression that a law-suit is something like the Gunpowder Plot!
+There's a fellow comes to me every morning for instructions, as he calls
+it, muffled up in a great cloak, and using as many precautions
+against being seen by the servants as if he were going to blow up the
+Government. I 'd not be so sensitive on the subject, if it had n't
+provoked a species of annoyance, at which, perhaps, you 'll be more
+disposed to laugh than sympathize.
+
+For the last week Mrs. D. has adopted a kind of warfare at which she,
+I 'll be bound to say, has few equals and no superior,--a species of
+irregular attack, at all times and on all subjects, by innuendo and
+insinuation, so dexterously thrown out as to defy opposition; for you
+might as well take your musket to keep off the mosquitoes! What she was
+driving at I never could guess, for the assault came on every flank,
+and in all manner of ways. If I was dressed a little more carefully than
+usual, she called attention to my "smartness;" if less so, she hinted
+that I was probably going out "on the sly." If I stayed at home, I was
+"waiting for somebody;" if I went out, it was to "meet them." But
+all this guerilla warfare gave way at last to a grand attack, when I
+ventured to remonstrate about some extravagance or other. "It came well
+from _me_," she burst forth, with indignant anger,--"it came well from
+_me_ to talk of the little necessary expenses of the family,--the bit
+they ate, and the clothes on their backs." She spoke as if they were
+Mandans or Iraquois, and lived in a wigwam! "It came well from me,
+living the life I did, to grudge them the commonest requirements
+of decency!" "Living the life I did!" I avow to you, Tom, the words
+staggered me. Warren Hastings tells us that when Burke concluded his
+terrible invective, that he actually sat for five minutes overwhelmed
+with a sense of guilt; and so stunning was this charge that it took me
+full double as long to rally! for though Mrs. D.'s eloquence may not
+possess all the splendor or sublimity of the great Edmund, there is a
+homely significance, a kind of natural impressiveness, about it not to
+be despised. "Living the life I did," rang in my ears like the words of
+a judge in a charge. It sounded like--"Kenny Dodd, you have been fairly
+convicted by an honest and impartial jury!" and I confess I sat there
+expecting to hear "the last sentence of the law." It was only after some
+interval I was able to ask myself, "what was really the kind of life I
+had been leading." My memory assured me it was a very stupid, tiresome
+existence,--very good-for-nothing and un instructive. It was by no
+means, however, one of flagrant vice or any outrageous wickedness; and I
+could n't help muttering with honest Jack,--
+
+     "If sack and sugar be a sin, God help the wicked!"
+
+The only things like personal amusements I had indulged in being
+gin-and-water and dominoes,--cheap pleasures, if not very fascinating
+ones!
+
+"Living the life I did!" Why, what does the woman mean? Is she
+throwing in my teeth the lazy, useless, unprofitable course of my
+daily existence, without a pursuit, except to hear the gossip of the
+town,--without an object, except to retail it? "Mrs. D.," said I, at
+last, "you are, generally speaking, comprehensible. Whatever faults may
+attach to your parts of speech, it must be owned they usually convey
+your meaning. Now, for the better maintenance of this characteristic,
+will you graciously be pleased to explain the words you have just
+spoken? What do you mean by the 'life I am leading'?" "Not before the
+girls, certainly, Mr. D.," said she, in a Lady Macbeth whisper that made
+my blood curdle.
+
+The mischief was out at once, Tom,--I know you are laughing at it
+already; it's quite true, she was jealous,--mad jealous! Ah, Tom, my
+boy, it 's all very good fun to laugh at Keeley, or Buckstone, or any
+other of those diverting vagabonds who can convulse the house with such
+a theme; but in real life the farce is downright tragedy. There is not a
+single comfort or consolation of your life that is not kicked clean from
+under you! A system of normal agitation is a fine thing, they tell us,
+in politics, but it is a cruel adjunct of domestic life! Everything
+you say, every look you give, every letter you seal, or every note you
+receive, are counts in a mysterious indictment against you, till at last
+you are afraid to blow your nose, lest it be taken for a signal to the
+fat widow lady that is caressing her poodle at the window over the way!
+
+You may be sure, Tom, that I repelled the charge with all the
+indignation of injured innocence. I invoked my thirty years' good
+character, the gravity of my demeanor, the gray of my whiskers; I
+confessed to twenty other minor misdemeanors,--a taste for practical
+jokes, a love of cribbage and long whist; I went further,--I expressed a
+kind of St. Kevenism about women in general; but she cut me short with,
+"Pray, Mr. D., make one exception; do be gallant enough to say that
+there is one, at least, not included in this category of horrors."
+
+"What are you at now?" cried I, almost losing all patience.
+
+"Yes, sir," said she, in a grand melodramatic tone that she always
+reserves for the peroration,--as postilions keep a trot for
+the town,--"yes, sir, I am well accustomed to your perfidy and
+dissimulation. I know perfectly for what infamous purposes abroad your
+family are treated so ignominiously at home; I'm no stranger to your
+doings." I tried to stop her by an appeal to common-sense; she despised
+it. I invoked my age,--egad! I never put my foot in it till then.
+That was exactly what made me the greatest villain of all! Whatever
+veneration attaches to white hairs, it must be owned they get mighty ill
+treated in discussions like the present; at least, Mrs. D. assured me
+so, and gave me to understand that one pays a higher premium for their
+morality, as they do for their life-assurance, as they grow older.
+"Not," added she, as her eyes glittered with anger, and she sidled near
+the door for an exit,--"not but, in the estimation of others, you may be
+quite an Adonis,--a young gentleman of wit and fashion,--a beau of the
+first water; I have no doubt Mary Jane thinks so,--you old wretch!"
+This, in all, and a bang of the door that brought down an oil picture
+that hung over it, closed the scene.
+
+"Mary Jane thinks so!" said I, with my hand to my temples to collect
+myself. Ah, Tom! it would have required a cooler head than mine was at
+that moment to go hunting through the old archives of memory! Nor will I
+torment you with even a narrative of my struggles. I passed that evening
+and the night in a state of half distraction; and it was only when I was
+giving one of our lawyers a check the next morning that I unravelled the
+mystery, for, as I wrote down his name, I perceived it was Marie Jean
+de Rastanac,--a not uncommon Christian name for men, though, considering
+the length and breadth of the masculine calendar; a very needless
+appropriation.
+
+This was "Mary Jane," then, and this the origin of as pretty a conjugal
+flare-up as I remember for the last twelvemonth!
+
+Mrs. D. reminds me of the Opposition, and the Opposition of Vickars. I
+suppose he wants to be a Lord of the Treasury. It's very like what
+old Frederick used to call making a "goat a gardener." What rogues the
+fellows are! You write to them about your son or your nephew, and they
+answer you with some tawdry balderdash about their principles, as if any
+one of us ever believed they were troubled with principles! I'm all for
+fair straightforward dealing. Put James in the Board of Trade, and you
+may cut up the Caffres for ten years to come. Give us something in the
+Customs, and I don't care if New Zealand never has a constitution! 'Tis
+only the fellows that have no families ask questions at the hustings!
+Show me a man that wants _pledges_ from his _representative_, and I 'll
+show you one that has got none from his wife!
+
+And there's Vickars writing to me, as if I was a fool, about all the old
+clap-traps that we used to think were kept for the election dinner; and
+these chaps, like him, always spoil a good argument when they get hold
+of it. Now, when a parson has n't tact enough to write his sermons, he
+buys a volume of Tillotson or Blair, or any other, and reads one out as
+well as he can; but your member--God bless the mark!--must invent his
+own nonsense. How much better if he 'd give you Peel, or Russell, or Ben
+Disraeli in the original! There are skeleton sermons for drowsy curates;
+I wish any one would compose skeleton speeches for the county members.
+You 'll say that I 'm unreasonably testy about these things; but I 've
+got a letter this instant from Vickers, expressing his hope that I 'll
+be satisfied with the view he has taken on the "question of free-labor
+sugar." Did I ever dispute it, Tom? I drink no tea,--I hate sweet
+things, and, except a lump, and that a small one, that I take in my
+tumbler of punch, I never use sugar; and I care no more what 'a the
+color of the man that raises it than I do for the name of the supercargo
+that brought it over. Don't put cockroaches in it, and sell it cheap,
+and I don't care a brass farthing whether it grew in Barbary or
+Barbadoes! Not, my dear Tom, but it's all gammon, the way they discuss
+the question; for the two parties are always debating two different
+issues; one crying out cheap sugar, the other no slavery! and the
+consequence is, they never meet in argument As to the preference Vickars
+insists should be given to free-labor sugar, carry out the principle and
+see what it comes to. I ought to receive eight or ten shillings a barrel
+more for my wheat than old Joe M'Curdy, because _I_ always gave my
+laborers eight-pence a day, and _he_ never went higher than sixpence,
+more often fourpence. Is not that free labor and slavery, just as well
+exemplified as if every man in the barony was a black?
+
+They tell me the niggers won't work if you don't thrash them, and I
+don't wonder, when I think of the heat of the climate; but sure if
+they've more idleness, they ought to get less money; and lastly, I take
+the Abolitionists--bother it for a long word!--on their own ground, and
+are they prepared to say that if you impose a duty on slave sugar, the
+Cubans and the rest of them won't only take more out of the niggers to
+meet "the exigency of the market," as the newspapers call it? If they do
+so, they 'll only be imitating our own farmers since the repeal of the
+corn law. "You must bestir yourselves," says Lord Stanley; "competition
+with the foreigner will demand all your activity. It won't do to go
+on as you used. You must buy guano, take to drainage, study Smith of
+Deanstown, and mind the rotation of your crops." Don't you think that
+some enlightened Cuban will hit upon the same train of argument, and
+make a fresh investment in whipcord? Ah, Tom! these are only party
+squabbles, after all; and so I told Vickars. I don't know why, but it
+always seemed to me that the blacks absorb a very unfair amount of our
+loose sympathies; whether it's the color of them, or that they 're so
+far away, or because they 're naked, I never knew; but certain it is,
+we pity them far more than our own people, and I back myself to get up a
+ladies' committee for a nigger question, before you collect three people
+to hear you discuss a home grievance.
+
+I have just been interrupted to receive Monsieur Jellicot, my defender
+in action No. 3, a suit preferred by my late courier, "François
+Tehetuer, born in the canton of Zug, aged thirty-seven years, single,
+and a Protestant, against Monsieur Kenyidod, natif d'Irlande, près de
+Dublin, dans le Royaume de la Grande Bretagne," &c., &c.; the demand
+being for a year's wages, bed, board, and travelling expenses to his
+native country. He, the aforesaid François, having been sent away for a
+disgraceful riot in my house, in which he beat Pat, the other servant,
+and smashed about five-and-twenty pounds' worth of glass and china. A
+very pretty claim, Tom,--the preliminary resistance to which has already
+cost me about one hundred and fifty francs to remove the litigation into
+an upper court, where the bribery is higher, and consequently deemed
+more within the reach of _my_ finances than those of honest Francis!
+
+To tell you all that I think of the rascality of the administration of
+justice here, would lead me into a diffusiveness something like that of
+the pleasant "Mémoire" which my advocate has just left me to read, and
+in which, as a measure of defence against an iniquitous demand, I 'm
+obliged to give a short history of my life, with some account of my
+father and grandfather. I made it as brief as I could, and said
+nothing about the mortgages nor Hackett's bond; but even with all my
+conciseness, the thing is very voluminous. The greatest difficulty of
+all is the examination of Paddy Byrne, who, imagining that a law process
+cannot have any other object than either to hang or transport _him_, has
+already made two efforts at escape, and each time been brought back by
+the police. His repugnance to the course of justice has already damaged
+my case with my own defender, who, naturally enough, thinks if _my
+own_ witnesses are so little to my credit, what will be the _opposite_
+evidence? »
+
+Another of my "causes célèbres," as Cary calls them,--she is the only
+one of us has a laugh left in her,--is for the assault and battery of
+a certain Mr. Cherry, a little rascal that came one day to tell me
+that Mrs. D. 's appearance struck him as being more fascinating than
+respectable! I kicked him downstairs into the street, and in return he
+has dragged me into the Court of the Correctional Police, where I 'm
+told they 'll maul _me_ far worse than I did him; besides this, I have
+a small interlude suit for a breach of contract, in not taking a lodging
+next an Anatomy School; and lastly, James's duel! I have compromised
+fully double the number, and have received vague threats from different
+quarters, that may either mean being waylaid or prosecuted, as the case
+may be.
+
+So far, therefore, as economy goes, this Continentalizing has not
+succeeded up to this. Instead of living rent free at Dodsborough, with
+our own mutton and turnips, the ducks and peas, that cost us, I may
+say, nothing, here we are, keeping up the price of foreign markets,
+and feeding the foreigners at the expense of our own poor people. If,
+instead of excluding British manufactures from the Continent, Bony had
+only struck out the notion of seducing over here John Bull himself and
+his family, let me assure you, Tom, that he'd have done us far more
+lasting and irreparable mischief. We can do without their markets. What
+between their Zollvereins, their hostile tariffs, and troublesome trade
+restrictions, they have themselves taught us to do without them; and,
+indeed, except when we get up a row at Barcelona, and smuggle five or
+six hundred thousand pounds' worth of goods into Spain, we care little
+for the old Continent; but I 'll tell you what we cannot do without,--we
+cannot do without their truffled turkeys, their tenors, their men-cooks,
+and their dancing-women. French novels and Italian knavery have got a
+fast hold of us; and I doubt much if the polite world of England would
+n't rather see this country cut off from all the commerce of America
+than be themselves excluded from the wicked old cities of Europe!
+
+When I think of myself holding these opinions, and still living abroad,
+I almost fancy I was meant for a Parliamentary life; for assuredly my
+convictions and my actions are about as contradictory as any honorable
+or right honorable gentleman on either side of the House. But so it is,
+Tom. Whatever 's the reason of it I can't tell, but I believe in my
+heart that every Irishman is always doing something or other that he
+doesn't approve of; and that this is the real secret of that want of
+conduct, deficient steadiness, uncertainty of purpose, and all the other
+faults that our polite neighbors ascribe to us, and what the "Times" has
+a word of its own for, and sets shortly down as "Celtic barbarism." And
+between ourselves, the "Times" is too fond of blackguarding us. What's
+the use of it? What good does it ever do? I may throw mud at a man every
+day till the end of the world, but I 'll never make his face the cleaner
+for it!
+
+The same system we used to follow once with America; and at last, what
+with sneering and jibing, we got up a worse feeling between the two
+countries than ever existed in the heat of the war. No matter how stupid
+the writer, how little he saw, or how ill he told it, let a fellow
+come back from the United States with a good string of stories about
+whittling, spitting, and chewing, interlard the narrative with a full
+share of slang, show up Jonathan as a vulgar, obtrusive, self-important
+animal, boastful and ignorant, and I 'll back the book to run through
+its two or three editions with a devouring and delighted public. But
+what would you think of a man that went down to Leeds or Manchester, to
+look at some of our great factories at full work; who saw the evidences
+of our enterprise and industry, that are felt at the uttermost ends
+of the earth; who knew that every bang of that big piston had its
+responsive answer in some far-away land over the sea, where British
+skill and energy were diffusing comfort and civilization,--what, I say,
+would you think of him if, instead of standing amazed at the future
+before such a people, he sat down to chronicle how many fustian jackets
+had holes in them, how many shaved but twice a week, whether the
+overseer made a polite bow, or the timekeeper talked with a strong
+Yorkshire accent?
+
+I tell you, Tom, our travellers in the States did little other than
+this. I don't mean to say that it wouldn't be pleasanter and prettier to
+look at, if all the factory-folk were dressed like Young England,
+with white waistcoats and cravats, and all the young ladies wore silk
+petticoats and white satin shoes; but I'm afraid that, considering the
+work to do, that's scarcely practicable; and so with regard to America,
+considering the work to do,--ay, Tom, and the way they are doing it,--I
+'m not over-disposed to be critical about certain asperities that are
+sure to rub off in time, particularly if we don't sharpen them into
+spikes by our own awkward attempts to polish them.
+
+If I was able, I'd like to write a book about America. I'd like to
+inquire, first, if, seeing the problem that the Yankees are trying to
+solve, the way they have set about it is the best and the shortest? I'd
+like, too, to study what secret machinery combines a weak government
+and a strong people,--the very reverse of what we see in the Old World,
+where the governments are strong and the people weak? I'd like to find
+out, if I could, why people that, for the most part, have formed the
+least subordinate populations of the Old World, behave so remarkably
+well in the New?
+
+In running off into these topics, Tom, I suppose I'm like every one
+else, who, in proportion as his own affairs become embarrassed, takes a
+wonderful interest in those of his neighbors. Half the patriotism in the
+world comes out of the bankruptcy courts.
+
+And, here's Monsieur Gabriel Dulong "for my instructions _in re_
+Cherry," as if to recall me from foreign affairs, and once more bring
+back my wandering thoughts to the Home Office.
+
+Write to me, Tom, and send me money. You have no idea how it goes here;
+and as for the bankers, I never met the like of them! The exchange is
+always against you, and if you want a ten-pound English note, they'll
+make you smart for it.
+
+The more I see of this foreign life, the less I like it. I know that we
+have been unfortunate in one or two respects. I know that it is rash in
+me to speak on so brief an acquaintance with it, but I already dread
+our being more intimate. Mrs. D. is not the woman you knew her. No
+more thrift, no more saving,--none of that looking after trifles that,
+however we may laugh at in our wives, we are right glad to profit by.
+She has taken a new turn, and fancies, God forgive her! that we have
+an elegant estate, and a fine, thriving, solvent tenantry. Wherever the
+delusion came from, I cannot guess; but I 'm certain that the little
+slip of sea between Dover and Calais is the origin of more false notions
+and extravagant fancies than the wide Atlantic.
+
+I have been thinking for some days back that you ought to write me
+a strong letter,--you know what I mean, Tom,--a strong letter about
+matters at home. There's no great difficulty, when a man lives in
+Ireland, to make out a good list of grievances.
+
+Give it to us, then, and let us have our fill of rotten potatoes,
+blighted wheat, runaway tenants, and workhouse riots. Throw in a murder
+if you like, and make it "strong," Tom. Say that, considering the
+cheapness of the Continent, we draw a terrible sight of money, and add
+that you can't imagine what we do with the cash. Put "Strictly private
+and confidential" on the outside, and I 'll take care to be out of the
+way when it comes. You can guess that Mrs. D. will soon open it, and
+perhaps it may give her a shock. Is n't it hard that I have to go about
+the bush in this way? but that's what we 're come to. If I hint a word
+about expense, they look on me as if I was Shylock; and I believe they
+'d rather hear me blaspheme than say the phrase "economy." I think, from
+what I see in James, that he's fretting about this very same thing. He
+did n't say exactly _that_, but he dropped a remark the other day that
+showed me he was grieved by the turn for dress and finery that Mrs. D.
+and Mary Anne have taken up; and one of the nurses that sat up with
+him told me that he used to sigh dreadfully at times, and mutter broken
+expressions about money.
+
+To tell you the truth, Tom, I 'd go back to-morrow, if I could. "And why
+can't you?--what prevents you, Kenny?" I hear you say. Just this, then,
+I haven't the pluck! I couldn't stand the attack of Mrs. D. and her
+daughter. I 'm not equal to it. My constitution is n't what it used to
+be, and I'm afraid of the gout. At my time of life, they say it always
+flies to the heart or to the head,--maybe because there 's a vacancy in
+these places after fifty-six or seven years of age! I see, too, by the
+looks Mrs. D. gives Mary Anne occasionally, that they know this; and she
+often gives me to understand that she does n't wish to dispute with me,
+for reasons of her own. This is all very well, and kindly meant, Tom,
+but it throws me into a depression that is dreadful.
+
+I see by the papers that you've taken up all kinds of "Sanitary
+Questions" at home. As for the health of towns, Tom, the grand thing
+is not to suffer them to grow too big. You're always crying out about
+twelve people sleeping in one room somewhere, and you gave the ages of
+each of them in the "Times," and you grow moral and modest, and I don't
+know what else, about decency, destitution, and so forth; but what's
+London itself but the very same thing on an enlarged scale? It's
+nonsense to fret about a wart, when you have a wen in the same
+neighborhood. Not that I'm sorry to see fine folk taking trouble about
+what concerns the poor, particularly when they go about it sensibly and
+quietly, without any balderdash of little books, and, above all, without
+a ladies' committee. If there 's anything chokes me, it's a
+ladies' committee. Three married women on bad terms with
+their husbands, four widows, and five old maids, all prying,
+pedantic, and impertinent,--going loose about the world with little
+subscription-cards, decrying innocent pleasures, and decoying your
+children's pocket-money,--turning benevolence into a house-tax, and
+making charity like the "Pipe-water." You remark, too, that the pretty
+women won't join these gangs at all. Now and then you may see one take
+out a letter of marque, and cruise for herself, but never in company.
+Seeing the importunity of these old damsels, I often wondered why the
+Government never thought of employing ladies as tax-collectors. He 'd be
+a hardy man who 'd make one or two I could mention call twice.
+
+I have been turning over in my mind what you said about Dodsborough; and
+though I don't like the notion of giving a lease, still it's possible we
+might do it without much danger. "He is an Englishman," you say, "that
+has never lived in Ireland." Now, my notion is, Tom, that if he be
+as old as you say, it's too late for him to try. They're a mulish,
+obstinate, unbending kind of people, these English; and wherever you
+see them, they never conform to the habits of the people. After thirty
+years' experience of Ireland, you'll hear them saying that they cannot
+accustom themselves to the "lies and the climate "! If I have heard that
+same remark once, I've heard it fifty times. And what does it amount to
+but a confession that they won't take the world as they find it. Ireland
+is rainy, there's no doubt, and Paddy is fond of telling you what he
+thinks is agreeable to you,--a kind of native courtesy, just like his
+offering you his potato when he knows in his heart that he can't spare
+it,--but he gives it, nevertheless.
+
+I 'd say, then, we might let him have Dodsborough, on the chance that he
+'d never stay six months there, and perhaps in the mean while we 'd find
+out another Manchester gentleman to succeed him. I remember poor old
+Dycer used to sell a little chestnut mare every Saturday,--nobody ever
+kept her a fortnight,--and when she died, by jumping over Bloody Bridge
+into the Liffey, and killed herself and her rider, Dycer said, "There's
+four-and-twenty pounds a year lost to _me,_"--and so it was too! Think
+over this, and tell me your mind on it.
+
+I believe I told you of the Polish Count that we took with us to
+Waterloo. I met him yesterday with my cloak on him; but really the
+number of my legal embroilments here is so great that I was shy of
+arresting him. We hear a great deal of talk about the partition of
+Poland, and there is an English lord keeps the subject for his own
+especial holdings forth; but I am convinced that the greatest evil
+of that nefarious act lies in having thrown all these Polish fellows
+broadcast over Europe. I wish it was a kingdom to-morrow, if they
+'d only consent to stay there. To be well rid of them and their
+sympathizers, whom I own I like even less, would be a great blessing
+just now. I wish the "Times" would stop blackguarding Louis Napoleon. If
+the French like being bullied, what is that to us? My own notion is that
+the people and their ruler are well met; besides, if we only reflect
+a little on it, we 'll see that anything is better for _us_ than a
+Bourbon,--I don't care what branch! They are under too deep obligations
+to us, and have too often accepted of English hospitality, not to hate
+us; and hate us they do. I believe the first Frenchman that cherishes an
+undying animosity to England is your Legitimist; next to him comes the
+Orleanist.
+
+It's a strange thing, but the more I have to think of about my own
+affairs, and the worse they are going with me, the more my thoughts run
+after politics and the newspapers. I suppose that's all for the best,
+and that if people dwelled too much on their own troubles, their heads
+would n't stand it. You've seen a trick the horse jockeys have when a
+horse goes lame of one foot,--to pinch him a little with the shoe of the
+opposite one; and it's not bad philosophy to practise mentally, and you
+may preserve your equanimity just by putting on the load fairly. And
+so it is I try to divert my thoughts from mortgages, creditors, and
+Chancery, by wondering how the King of Naples will contrive to keep his
+throne, and how the Austrians will save themselves from bankruptcy! I
+know it would be more to the purpose if I turned my thoughts to getting
+Mary Anne married, and James into the Board of Trade; at least, so Mrs.
+D. tells me, and although she is always repeating the old saw about
+"marriages being made in heaven," she evidently does n't wish to give
+too much trouble in that quarter, and would like to lend a hand herself
+to the work.
+
+Jellicot has sent his clerk here to tell me that I have been pronounced
+"Contumacious," for not appearing somewhere, and before somebody that I
+never heard of! Egad! these kind of proceedings are scarcely calculated
+to develop the virtues of humanity! They sent me something I thought
+was a demand for a tax, and it turns out a judge's warrant; for aught I
+know, there may be an order to seize the body of Kenny James Dodd, and
+consign him to the dungeons of the Inquisition! Write to me at once,
+Tom, and above all don't forget the money.
+
+Yours, most faithfully,
+
+K. I. Dodd.
+
+Why does Molly Gallagher keep pestering me about Christy? She wants me
+to get him into the "Grand Canal." I wish they were both there, with all
+my heart.
+
+I open this to say that Vickars has just sent me a copy of his address
+to the "Independent Electors of Bruff." I'd like to see one of them,
+for the curiosity of the thing. He asks me to give him my opinion of the
+document, and the "benefit of my advice and counsel," as if I had not
+been reading the very same productions since I was a child. The very
+phraseology is unaltered. Why can't they hit on something new? He "hopes
+that he restores to them, unsullied, the high trust they had committed
+to his keeping." Egad! if he does so, he ought to get a patent for
+taking out spots, stains, and discolorations, for a dirtier garment than
+our representative mantle has been, would be hard to find. Like all our
+patriots that sit in Whig company, he is sorely puzzled between his love
+for Ireland and his regard for himself, and has to limit his political
+line to a number of vague threats about overgrown Church Establishments
+and Landlord tyranny, not being quite sure how far his friends in power
+are disposed to worry the Protestants and grind the gentry.
+
+Of course be batters up the pastors of the people; but he might as well
+leave _that_ alone; the priests are too cunning for all that balderdash
+nowadays. They'll insist on something real, tangible, and substantial.
+What they say is this: "The landlords used to have it all their own
+way at one time. _Our_ day is come now." And there they're right, Tom;
+there's no doubt of it. O'Connell said true when he told the English,
+"Ye're always abusing me,--and call me the 'curse of Ireland' and the
+destroyer of the public peace,--but wait a bit. I 'll not be five years
+in my grave till you 'd wish me back again." There never was anything
+more certain. So long as you had Dan to deal with, you could make your
+bargain,--it might be, it often was, a very hard one,--but when it was
+once made, he kept the terms fairly and honestly! But with whom will you
+treat _now?_ Is it with M'Hale, or Paul Cullen, or Dr. Meyler? Sure each
+of them will demand separate and specific conditions, and you might as
+well try to settle the Caffre war by a compact with Sandilla, who, the
+moment he sells himself to you, enters into secret correspondence with
+his successor.
+
+I'm never so easy in my mind as when I see the English in a row with the
+Catholics. I don't care a brass farthing how much it may go against
+us at first,--how enthusiastically they may yell "No Popery," burn
+cardinals in effigy, and persecute the nuns. Give them rope enough, Tom,
+and see if they don't hang themselves! There never came a fit of rampant
+Protestantism in England that all the weak, rash, and ridiculous
+zealots did n't get to the head of the movement. Off they go at score,
+subsidizing renegade vagabonds of our Church to abuse us, raking up bad
+stories of conventual life, and attacking the confessional. There
+never were gulls like them! They swallow all the cases of cruelty
+and persecution at once,--they foster every scoundrel, if he's only
+a deserter from us,--ay, and they even take to their fireplaces the
+filthiest novels of Eugene Sue, if he only satisfies their rancorous
+hate of a Jesuit. And where does it end? I'll tell you. Their converts
+turn out to be scoundrels too infamous for common contact; their
+prosecutions fail,--why would n't they, when we get them up
+ourselves?--John Bull gets ashamed of himself; round comes the Press,
+and that's the moment when any young rising Catholic barrister in the
+House can make his own terms, whether it be to endow the true Church or
+to smash the false one!
+
+As for John Bull, he never can do mischief enough when he 's in a
+passion, but he's always ready to pay double the damage in the morning.
+And as for putting "salt on our tails," let him try it with the "Dove of
+Elphin," that 's all.
+
+I was forgetting to tell you that I sent back Vickars's address, only
+remarking that I was sorry not to know his sentiments about the Board of
+Trade. _Ver. sap._
+
+
+
+
+LETTER X. CAROLINE DODD TO MISS COX, AT MISS MINCING'S ACADEMY
+
+BLACK ROCK, IRELAND.
+
+My dear Miss Cox,--I have long hesitated and deliberated with myself
+whether it were not better to appear ungrateful for my silence, than by
+writing inflict you with a very tiresome, good-for-nothing epistle; and
+if I have now taken the worst counsel, it is because I prefer anything
+rather than seem forgetful of one to whom I owe so much as to my dear,
+kind governess. Were I only to tell you of our adventures and mishaps
+since we came abroad, there might, perhaps, be enough to fill half a
+dozen letters; but I greatly doubt if the theme would amuse you. You
+were always too good-natured to laugh at anything where there was even
+one single feature that suggested sorrow; and I grieve to say that,
+however ludicrously many of our accidents might read, there is yet mixed
+with them too much that is painful and distressing. You will say this is
+a very gloomy opening, and from one whom you had so often to chide
+for the wild gayety of her spirits; but so it is: I am sad enough
+now,--sadder than ever you wished to see me. It is not that I am not in
+the very midst of objects full of deep interest,--it is not that I do
+not recognize around me scenes, places, and names, all of which are
+imbued with great and stirring associations. I am neither indifferent
+nor callous, but I see everything through a false medium, and I hear
+everything with a perverted judgment; in a word, we seem to have come
+abroad, not to derive the advantages that might arise from new sources
+of knowledge in language, literature, and art, but to scramble for a
+higher social position,--to impose ourselves on the world for something
+that we have no pretension to, and to live in a way that we cannot
+afford. You remember us at Dodsborough,--how happy we were, how
+satisfied with the world; that is, with our world, for it was a
+very little one. We were not very great folk, but we had all the
+consideration as if we were; for there were none better off than
+ourselves, and few had so many opportunities of winning the attachment
+of all classes. Papa was always known as the very best of landlords,
+mamma had not her equal for charity and kindness, James was actually
+adored by the people, and I hesitate not to say that Mary Anne and
+myself were not friendless. There was a little daily round of duties
+that brought us all together in our cares and sympathies; for, however
+different our ages or tastes, we had but one class of subjects to
+discuss, and, happily, we saw them always with the same light and
+shadow. Our life was, in short, what fashionable people would have
+deemed a very vulgar, inglorious kind of existence; but it was full of
+pleasant little incidents, and a thousand little cares and duties, that
+gave it abundant variety and interest. I was never a quick scholar, as
+you know too well. I have tried my dear Miss Cox's patience sorely
+and often, but I loved my lessons; I loved those calm hours in the
+summer-house, with the perfume of the rose and the sweetbrier around
+us, and the hum of the bee mingling its song with my own not less drowsy
+French. That sweet "Telemachus," so easy and so softly sounding; that
+good Madame de Genlis, so simple-minded when she thought herself most
+subtle! Not less did I love the little old schoolroom of a winter's
+day, when the pattering rain streamed down the windows, and gave, by
+contrast, all the aspect of more comfort within. How pleasant was it, as
+we gathered round the turf fire, to think that we were surrounded with
+such appliances against gloomy hours,--the healthful exercise of happy
+minds! Ah, my dear Miss Cox, how often you told us to study hard, since
+that, once launched upon the great sea of life, the voyage would exact
+all our cares; and yet see, here am I upon that wide ocean, and already
+longing to regain the quiet little creek,--the little haven of rest that
+I quitted!
+
+I promised to be very candid with you, to conceal nothing whatever;
+but I did not remember that my confessions, to be thus frank, must
+necessarily involve me in remarks on others, in which I may be often
+unjust,--in which I am certain to be unwarranted,--since nothing in my
+position entitles me to be their censor. However, I will keep my pledge
+this once, and you will tell me afterwards if I should continue to
+observe it. And now to begin. We are living here as though we were
+people of vast fortune. We occupy the chief suite of apartments at the
+first hotel, and we have a carriage, with showy liveries, a courier, and
+are quite beset with masters of every language and accomplishment you
+can fancy,--expensive kind of people, whose very dress and style bespeak
+the terms on which their services are rendered. Our visitors are all
+titled: dukes, princes, and princesses shower amongst our cards. Our
+invitations are from the same class, and yet, my dear Miss Cox, we feel
+all the unreality of this high and stately existence. We look at each
+other and think of Dodsborough! We think of papa in his old fustian
+shooting-jacket, paying the laborers, and higgling about half a day to
+be stopped here, and a sack of meal to be deducted there. We think of
+mamma's injunctions to Darby Sloan about the price he is to get for the
+"boneens,"--have you forgotten our vernacular for little pigs?--and how
+much he must "be sure to ask" or the turkeys. We think of Mary Anne
+and myself taking our lesson from Mr. Delaney, and learning the
+Quad--drilles as he pronounced it, as the last new discovery of the
+dancing art, and dear James hammering away at the rule of three on an
+old slate, to try and qualify himself for the Board of Trade. And we
+remember the utter consternation of the household--the tumult dashed
+with a certain sense of pride--when some subaltern of the detachment
+at Bruff cantered up to the door and sent in his name! Dear me, how
+the little words 25th Regiment, or 91st, used to make our hearts beat,
+suggestive as they were of gay balls at the Town-hall with red-coated
+partners, the regimental band, and the colors tastefully festooning the
+whitewashed walls. And now, my dear Miss Sarah, we are actually ashamed
+of the contact with one of those whom once it was our highest glory to
+be acquainted with! You may remember a certain Captain Morris, who was
+stationed at Bruff,--dark, with very black eyes, and most beautiful
+teeth; he was very silent in company, and, indeed, we knew him but
+slightly, for he chanced to have some altercation with pa on the bench
+one day, and, as I hear he was all in the right, pa did not afterwards
+forgive him. Well, here he is now, having left the army,--I don't know
+if on half-pay, or sold out altogether,--but here he is, travelling for
+the benefit of his mother's health,--a very old and infirm lady, to whom
+he is dotingly attached. She fretted so much when she discovered that
+his regiment was ordered abroad to the Cape, that he had no other
+resource than to leave the service! He told me so himself.
+
+"I had nobody else in the world," said he, "who felt any interest in my
+fortunes; _she_ had made a hundred sacrifices for me. It was but fair I
+should make one for _her_."
+
+He knew he was surrendering position and prospect forever,--that to him
+no career could ever open again; but he had placed a duty high above all
+considerations of self, and so he parted with comrades and pursuit,
+with everything that made up his hope and his object, and descended to a
+little station of unobtrusive, undistinguished humility, satisfied to be
+the companion of a poor, feeble old lady! He has as much as confessed to
+me that their means are very small. It was an accidental admission with
+reference to something he thought of doing, but which he found to be too
+expensive; and the avowal was made so easily, so frankly, so free from
+any false shame on one side, or any unworthy desire to entrap sympathy
+on the other! It was as if he spoke of something which indeed concerned
+him, but in no wise gave the mainspring to his thoughts or actions! He
+came to visit us here; but his having left the service, coupled with our
+present taste for grand acquaintance, were so little in his favor that
+I believed he would not have repeated his call. An accidental service,
+however, that he was enabled to render mamma and Mary Anne at a railroad
+station the other day, and where but for him they might have been
+involved in considerable difficulties, has opened a chance of further
+intimacy, for he has already been here two mornings, and is coming this
+evening to tea.
+
+You will, perhaps, ask me how and by what chain of circumstances Captain
+Morris is linked with the earlier portion of this letter, and I will
+tell you. It was from him that I learned the history of those high and
+distinguished individuals by whom we are surrounded; from him I heard
+that, supposing us to be people of immense wealth, a whole web of
+intrigue has been spun around us, and everything that the ingenuity and
+craft of the professional adventurer could devise put in requisition to
+trade upon our supposed affluence and inexperience! He has told me of
+the dangerous companions by whom James is surrounded; and if he has
+not spoken so freely about a certain young nobleman--Lord George
+Tiverton--who is now seldom or never out of the house, it is because
+that they have had something of a personal difference,--a serious one,
+I suspect, and which Captain Morris seems to reckon as a bar to anything
+beyond the merest mention of his name. It is not impossible, too, that
+though he might not make any revelations to _me_ on such a theme, he
+would be less guarded with papa or James. Whatever may be the fact, he
+does not advance at all in the good graces of the others. Mamma
+calls him a dry crust,--a confirmed old bachelor. Mary Anne and Lord
+George--for they are always in partnership in matters of opinion--have
+set him down as a "military prig;" and papa, who is rarely unjust in the
+long run, says that "there 's no guessing at the character of a fellow
+of small means, who never goes in debt" This may or may not be true;
+but it is certainly hard to condemn him for an honorable trait, simply
+because it does not give the key to his nature. And now, my last hope
+is what James may think of him, for as yet they have not met. I think
+I hear you echo my words, "And why your 'last hope,' Miss Cary? What
+possible right have you to express yourself in these terms?" Simply
+because I feel that one man of true and honorable sentiments, one
+right-judging, right-feeling gentleman, is all-essential to us abroad!
+and if we reject this chance, I 'm not so sure we shall meet with
+another.
+
+How ashamed I am not to be able to tell you of all I have seen! But so
+it is,--description is a very tame performance in good hands; it is a
+lamentable exhibition in weak ones! As to painters, I prefer Vandyk to
+Rubens; not that I have even the pretence of a reason for my criticism.
+I know nothing, whatever, of what constitutes excellence in color,
+drawing, or design. I understand in a picture only what it suggests to
+my own mind, either as a correct copy of nature, or as originating new
+trains of thought, new sources of feeling; and by these tests Vandyk
+pleases me more than his master. But, shall I own it, there is a class
+of pictures of a far inferior order that gives me greater enjoyment than
+either, I meau those scenes of real life, those representations of some
+little uneventful incident of the every-day world,--an old chemist
+at work in his dim old laboratory; an old house Vrow knitting in her
+red-tiled chamber, the sunlight slanting in, and tipping with an azure
+tint the tortoiseshell cat that purrs beside her; a lover teaching
+his mistress the guitar; an old cavalier giving his horse a drink at a
+fountain. These, in all the lifelike power of Gerard Dow, Teerburgh, or
+Mieris, have a charm for me I cannot express. They are stories, and they
+are better than stories; for oftentimes the writer conveys his meaning
+imperfectly, and oftentimes he overlays you with his explanations,
+stifling within you those expansive bursts of sentiment that ought to
+have been his aim to evoke, and thus, by elaborating, he obliterates.
+Now, your artist--I mean, of course, your great artist--is eminently
+suggestive. He gives you but one scene, it is true, but how full is it
+of the past, and the future too! Can you gaze on that old alchemist,
+with his wrinkled forehead, and dim, deep-set eyes, his threadbare
+doublet, and his fingers tremulous from age? Can you watch that
+countenance, calm but careworn, where every line exhibits the long
+struggle there has been between the keen perceptions of science and the
+golden dreams of enthusiasm, where the coldest passions of a worldly
+nature have warred with the most glorious attributes of a poetic
+temperament? Can you see him, as he sits watching the alembic wherein
+the toil of years is bubbling, and not weave within your own mind the
+life-long conflict he has sustained? Have you him not before you in his
+humble home, secluded and forgotten of men, yet inhabiting a dream-world
+of crowded images? What beautiful stories--what touching little episodes
+of domestic life--lie in the quiet scenes of those quaint interiors;
+and how deep the charm that attaches one to these peaceful spots of home
+happiness! The calm intellectuality of the old, the placid loveliness
+of the young, the air of cultivated enjoyment that pervades all, are in
+such perfect keeping that you feel as though they imparted to yourself
+some share of that gentle, tranquil pleasure that forms their own
+atmosphere!
+
+Oh, my dear Miss Cox! if there be "sermons in stones," there are
+romances in pictures,--and romances far more truthful than the
+circulating libraries supply us with. And, to turn back to real life,
+shall I own to you that I am sadly disappointed with the gay world? I am
+fully alive to all the value of the confession. I appreciate perfectly
+how double-edged is the weapon of this admission, and that I am in
+reality but pleading guilty to my own unfitness for its enjoyments; but
+as I never tried to evade or deny that fact, I may be suffered to give
+my testimony with so much of qualification. When I compare the little
+gratification that society confers on the very highest classes, with the
+heartfelt delight intercourse imparts to the humble, I am at a loss
+to see wherein lies the advantage of all the exclusive regulations of
+fashionable life. Of one thing I feel assured, and that is, that one
+must be bora in a certain class, habituated from the earliest years to
+its ideas and habits, filled with its peculiar traditions, and animated
+by its own special hopes, to conform gracefully and easily to its laws.
+_We_ go into society to perform a part,--just as artificial a one as any
+in a genteel comedy,--and consequently are too much occupied with
+"our character" to derive that benefit from intercourse which is so
+attainable by those less constrained by circumstances. If all this
+amounts to the simple confession that I am by no means at home in the
+great world, and far more at my ease with more humble associates, it is
+no more than the fact, and comes pretty near to what you often remarked
+to me,--that "in criticising external objects one is very frequently but
+delineating little traits and lineaments of one's own nature."
+
+I am unable to answer your question about our future plans; for, indeed,
+they appear anything but fixed. I believe if papa had his choice he
+would go back at once.
+
+This, however, mamma will not hear of; and, indeed, the word Ireland is
+now as much under ban amongst us as that name that is never "syllabled
+to ears polite." The doctors say James ought to pass a month or six
+weeks at Schwalbach, to drink the waters and take the baths; and,
+from what I can learn, the place is the perfection of rural beauty and
+quietude. Captain Morris speaks of it as a little paradise. He is going
+there himself; for I have learned--though not from him--that he was
+badly wounded in the Afghan war. I will write to you whenever our
+destination is decided on; and, meanwhile, beg you to believe me my dear
+Miss Cox's
+
+Most attached and faithful pupil,
+
+Caroline Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XI. MR. DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+
+Dear Tom,--I got the bills all safe, and cashed two of them yesterday.
+They came at the right moment,--when does not money?--for we are going
+to leave this for Germany, one of the watering-places there, the name
+of which I cannot trust myself to spell, being recommended for James's
+wound. I suppose I 'm not singular, but somehow I never was able to
+compute what I owed in a place till I was about to leave it. From that
+moment, however, in come a shower of bills and accounts that one never
+dreamed of. The cook you discharged three months before has never paid
+for the poultry, and you have as many hens to your score as if you were
+a fox. You 've lost the fishmonger's receipts, and have to pay him over
+again for a whole Lent's consumption. Your courier has run up a bill
+in your name for cigars and curaçoa, and your wife's maid has been
+conducting the most liberal operations in perfumery and cosmetics, under
+the title of her mistress. Then comes the landlord, for repairs and
+damages. Every creaky sofa and cracked saucer that you have been
+treating for six months with the deference due to their delicate
+condition must be replaced by new ones. Every window that would n't
+shut, and every door that would not open, must be put in perfect order;
+keys replaced, bells rehung. The saucepans, whose verdigris has almost
+killed you with colic, must be all retinned or coppered; and, lastly,
+the pump is sure to be destroyed by the housemaid, and vague threats
+about sinking a new well are certain to draw you into a compromise. Nor
+is the roguery the worst of it; but all the sneaking scoundrels that
+would n't "trouble you with their little demands" before, stand out now
+as sturdy creditors that would not abate a jot of their claims. Lucky
+are ye if they don't rake up old balances, and begin the score with
+"_Restant du dernier compte_."
+
+The moralists say that a man should be enabled to visit the world after
+his death, if he would really know the opinion entertained of him by
+his fellows. Until this desirable object be attainable, one ought to be
+satisfied with the experience obtained by change of residence. There is
+no disguise, no concealment then! The little blemishes of your temper,
+once borne with such Christian charity, are remembered in a more
+chastening spirit; and it is half hinted that your custom was more than
+compensated for by your complaining querulousness. Is not the moral
+of all this that one should live at home, in his own place, where his
+father lived before him, and his son will live after him; where the
+tradespeople have a vested interest in your welfare, and are nearly as
+anxious about your wheat and potatoes as you are yourself? Unlike
+these foreign rascals, that think you have a manufactory of "Hemes and
+Farquhar's circular notes," and can coin at will, your neighbors know
+when and at what times it's no use to tease you,--that asking for money
+at the wrong season is like expecting new peas in December, or grouse in
+the month of May.
+
+I make these remarks in all the spirit of recent suffering, for I have
+paid away two hundred pounds since yesterday morning, of which I was
+not conscious that I owed fifty. And, besides, I have gone through more
+actual fighting--in the way of bad language, I mean--than double the
+money would repay me for. In these wordy combats, I feel I always come
+off worst; for as my knowledge of the language is limited, I 'm like
+the sailor that for want of ammunition crammed in whatever he could lay
+hands on into his gun, and fired off his bag of doubloons against the
+enemy instead of round shot. Mrs. D., too, whom the sounds of conflict
+always "summon to the field," does not improve matters; for if
+her vocabulary be limited, it is strong, and even the most roguish
+shopkeeper does not like to be called a thief and a highwayman! These
+diversions in our parts of speech have cost me dearly, for I have had
+to compromise about six cases of "defamation," and two of threatened
+assault and battery, though these last went no further than
+demonstrations on Mrs. D.'s part, which, however, were quite sufficient
+to terrify our grocer, who is a colonel in the National Guard, and a
+gigantic hairdresser, whose beard is the glory of a "_Sapeur_ company."
+I have discovered, besides, that I have done something, but what it
+is--in contravention to the laws--I do not know, and for which I am
+fined eighty-two francs five centimes, plus twenty-seven for contumacy;
+and I have paid it now, lest it should grow into more by to-morrow,
+for so the Brigadier has just hinted to me; for that formidable
+functionary--with tags that would do credit to a general--is just come
+to "invite me," as he calls it, to the Prefecture. As these invitations
+are like royal ones, I must break off now abruptly.
+
+Here I am again, Tom, after four hours of ante-chamber and audience. I
+had been summoned to appear before the authorities to purge myself of a
+contempt,--for which, by the way, they had already fined me; my offence
+being that I had not exchanged some bit of paper for another bit of
+paper given me in exchange for my passport, the purport of which was to
+show that I, Kenny Dodd, was living openly and flagrantly in the city
+of Brussels, and not following out any clandestine pursuit or object
+injurious to the state, and subversive of the monarchy. Well, I hope
+they 're satisfied now; and if my eighty-two francs five centimes gave
+any stability to their institutions, much good may it do them! This,
+however, seems but the beginning of new troubles; for on my applying to
+have the aforesaid passport _vised_ for Germany, they told me that
+there were two "detainers" on it, in the shape of two actions at law yet
+undecided, although I yesterday morning paid up what I understood to be
+the last instalment for compromising all suits now pending against said
+Kenny I. Dodd. On hearing this, I at once set out for the tribunal to
+see Vanhoegen and Draek, my chief lawyers. Such a place as the tribunal
+you never set eyes on. Imagine a great quadrangle, with archways all
+round crammed full of dirty advocates,--black-gowned, black-faced, and
+black-hearted; peasants, thieves, jailers, tip-staffs, and the general
+public of fruit-sellers and lucifer-matches all mixed up together,
+with a turmoil and odor that would make you hope Justice was as little
+troubled with nose as eyesight. Over the heads of this mob you catch
+glimpses of the several courts, where three old fellows, like the
+figures in a Holbein, sit behind a table covered with black cloth,
+administering the law,--a solemn task that loses some of its imposing
+influence when you think that these reverend seigniors, if wanting in
+the wisdom, are not free from one of the weaknesses of Bacon! By dint of
+great pressing, pushing, and perseverance, I forced my way forward into
+one of these till I reached a strong wooden rail, or barrier, within
+which was an open space, where the accused sat on a kind of bench, the
+witness under examination being opposite to him, and the procureur hard
+by in a little box like a dwarf pulpit I thought I saw Draek in the
+crowd, but I was mistaken,--an easy matter, they all look so much
+alike. Once in, however, I thought I 'd remain for a while and see the
+proceedings. It was a trial for murder, as well as I could ascertain
+the case. The prisoner, a gentlemanlike young fellow of six or seven and
+twenty, had stabbed another in some fit of jealousy. I believe they were
+at supper, or were going to sup together when the altercation occurred.
+There was a waiter in the witness-box giving evidence when I came up;
+and really the tone of deference he exhibited to the prisoner, and the
+prisoner's own off-hand, easy way of interrogating him, were greatly to
+be admired. It was easy to see that he had got many a half-crown from
+the accused, and had not given up hope of many more in future. His chief
+evidence was to the effect that Monsieur de Verteuil, the accused, had
+ordered a supper for two in a private room, the bill of fare offering a
+wide field for discussion, one of the points of the case being whether
+the guest who should partake of the repast was a lady or the deceased;
+and this the advocates on each side handled with wonderful dexterity, by
+inferences drawn from the _carte_. You see, Verteuil's counsel wanted
+to show that Bretigny was an intruder, and had forced himself into the
+company of the accused. The opposite side were for implying that he came
+there on invitation, and was murdered of malice aforethought I don't
+think the point would have been so very material with us; or, at all
+events, that we should have tried to elicit it in this manner; but they
+have their own way of doing things, and I suppose they know what suits
+them. After half an hour's very animated skirmishing, the president,
+with a sudden flash of intelligence, bethought him of asking the accused
+for whom he bespoke the entertainment.
+
+"You must excuse me, Monsieur le Président," said he, blandly; "but I 'm
+sure that your nice sense of honor will show that I cannot answer your
+question."
+
+"Très bien, très bien," rang through the crowded court, in approbation
+of this chivalrous speech, and one young lady from the gallery flung
+down her bouquet of moss-roses to the prisoner, in token of her
+enthusiastic concurrence. The delicate reserve of the accused seemed to
+touch every one. Husbands and wives, sons and daughters, all appeared
+to feel that they had a vested interest in the propagation of such
+principles; and the old judge who had propounded the ungracious
+interrogatory really seemed ashamed of himself.
+
+The waiter soon after this retired, and what the newspapers next day
+called a _sensation prononcée_ was caused by the entrance of a very
+handsome and showy-looking young lady,--no less a personage than
+Mademoiselle Catinka Lovenfeld, the prima donna of the opera, and the
+Dido of this unhappy Æneid. With us, the admiration of a pretty witness
+is always a very subdued homage; and even the reporters do not like
+venturing beyond the phrase, "here a person of prepossessing appearance
+took her place on the table." They are very superior to us here,
+however, for the buzz of admiration swelled from the lowest benches
+till it rose to the very judicial seat itself, and the old president,
+affecting to look at his notes, wiped his glasses afresh, and took a sly
+peep at the beauty, like the rest of us.
+
+Though, as Macheath says, "Laws were made for every degree," the mode of
+examining witnesses admits of considerable variety. The interrogatories
+were now no longer jerked out with abruptness; the questions were not
+put with the categorical sternness of that frowning aspect which, be
+the lawyer Belgian, French, or Irish, seems an instinct with him; on
+the contrary, the pretty witness was invited to tell her name, she was
+wheedled out of her birthplace coaxed out of her peculiar religious
+profession, and joked into saying something about her age.
+
+I must say, if she had rehearsed the part as often as she had that of
+Norma, she couldn't be more perfect. Her manner was the triumph of ease
+and grace. There was an almost filial deference for the bench, an air
+of respectful attention for the bar, courtesy for the jury, and a most
+touching shade of compassion for the prisoner, and all this done without
+the slightest seeming effort. I do not pretend to know what others felt;
+but as for me, I paid very little attention to the matter, so much more
+did the manner of the inquiry engage me: still, I heard that she was a
+Saxon by birth, of noble parentage, born with the highest expectations,
+but ruined by the attachment of her father to the cause of the Emperor
+Napoleon. The animation with which she alluded to this parental trait
+elicited a most deafening burst of applause, and the tip-staff, a
+veteran of the Imperial Guard, was carried out senseless, overcome by
+his emotions. Ah, Tom! we have nothing like this in England, and strange
+enough that they should have it here; but the fact is, these Belgians
+are only "second-chop" Frenchmen,--a kind of weak "after grass," with
+only the weeds luxuriant! It's pretty much as with ourselves,--the
+people that take a loan of a language never take a lease of the
+traditions! They catch up just some popular clap-traps of the mother
+country, but there ends the relationship!
+
+But to come back to Mademoiselle Catinka. She now had got into a little
+narrative of her youth, in some old chateau on the Elbe, which held the
+Court breathless; to be sure, it had not a great deal to do with the
+case in hand; but no matter for that: a more artless, gifted, lovely,
+and loving creature than she appeared to have been never existed. On
+this last attribute she laid considerable stress. There was, I think, a
+little rhetorical art in the confession; for certainly a young lady who
+loved birds, flowers, trees, water, clouds, and mountains so devotedly,
+might possibly have a spare corner for something else; and even the old
+judge could n't tell if he had not chanced on the lucky ticket in that
+lottery. I wish I could have heard the case out; I'd have given a great
+deal to see how they linked all that Paul and Virginia life with
+the bloody drama they were there to investigate, and what possible
+connection existed between Heck's romances and sticking a man with a
+table-knife. This gratification was, however, denied me; for just as I
+was listening with my greediest ears, Vanhoegen placed his hand on my
+shoulder, and whispered, "Come along--don't lose a minute--_your_ cause
+is on!"
+
+"What do you mean? Have n't I compro--"
+
+"Hush!" said he, warningly; "respect the majesty of the law."
+
+"With all my heart; but what's _my_ cause?--what do you mean by _my_
+cause?"
+
+"It's no time for explanation," said he, hurrying me along; "the judges
+are in chamber,--you'll soon hear all about it."
+
+He said truly; it was neither the fitting time nor place for much
+converse, for we had to fight our way through a crowd that was every
+moment increasing; and it took at least twenty minutes of struggle and
+combat to get out, my coat being slit up to the collar, and my friend's
+gown being reduced to something like bell-ropes.
+
+He did n't seem to think much about his damaged costume, but still
+dragged me along, across a courtyard, up some very filthy stairs, down
+a dark corridor, then up another flight, and, passing into a large
+ante-room, where a messenger was seated in a kind of glass cage, he
+pushed aside a heavy curtain of green baize, and we found ourselves in
+a court, which, if not crowded like that below, was still sufficiently
+filled, and by persons of respectable exterior. There was a dead silence
+as we entered. The three judges were examining their notes, and handing
+papers back and forward to each other in dumb show. The procureur
+was picking his teeth with a paper-knife, and the clerk of the court
+munching a sandwich, which he held in his hat. Vanhoegen, however,
+brushed forward to a prominent place, and beckoned me to a seat beside
+him. I had but time to obey, when the clerk, seeing us in our places,
+bolted down an enormous mouthful, and, with an effort that nearly choked
+him, cried ont, "L'affaire de Dodd fils est en audience." My heart
+drooped as I heard the words. The "affaire de Dodd fils" could mean
+nothing but that confounded duel of which I have already told you. All
+the misfortune and all the criminality seemed to fall upon us. For at
+least four times a week I was summoned somewhere or other, now before a
+civil, now a military auditor; and though I swore repeatedly that I knew
+nothing about the matter till it was all over, they appeared to think
+that if I was well tortured, I might make great revelations. They were
+not quite wrong in their calculations. I would have turned "approver"
+against my father rather than gone on in this fashion. But the
+difficulty was, I had really nothing to tell. The little I knew had
+been obtained from others. Lord George had told me so much as I was
+acquainted with; and, from my old habits of the bench at home, I was
+well aware that such could not be admitted as evidence.
+
+Still it was their good pleasure to pursue me with warrants and
+summonses, and there was nothing for it but to appear when and wherever
+they wanted me.
+
+"Is this confounded affair the cause of my passport being detained?"
+whispered I to Van.
+
+"Precisely," said he; "and if not very dexterously handled, the expense
+may be enormous."
+
+I almost lost all self-possession at these words. I had been a mark for
+legal pillage and robbery from the first moment of my arrival, and it
+seemed as if they would not suffer me to leave the country while I had
+a Napoleon remaining. Stung nearly to madness, I resolved to make one
+desperate effort at rescue, and, like some of those woebegone creatures
+in our own country who insist on personal appeals to a Chief Justice,
+I called, "Monsieur le Président--" There, however, my French left me,
+and, after a terrible struggle to get on, I had to continue my address
+in the vernacular.
+
+"Who is this man?" asked he, sternly.
+
+"Dodd père, Monsieur le Président," interposed my lawyer, who seemed
+most eager to save me from the consequences of my rashness.
+
+"Ah! he is Dodd père," said the president, solemnly; and now he and
+his two colleagues adjusted their spectacles, and gazed at me long and
+attentively; in fact, with such earnestness did they stare that I
+began to feel my character of Dodd père was rather an imposing kind of
+performance. "Enfin," said the president, with a faint sigh, as though
+the reasoning process had been rather a fatiguing one,--"enfin! Dodd
+père is the father of Dodd fils, the respondent."
+
+Vanhoegen bowed submissive assent, and muttered, as I thought, some
+little flattery about the judicial acuteness and perspicuity.
+
+"Let him be sworn," said the president; and accordingly I held up my
+hand, while the clerk recited something with a humdrum rapidity that I
+guessed must mean an oath.
+
+"You are called Dodd père?" said the Attorney-General, addressing me.
+
+"I find I am so called here, but I never was so before," said I, tartly.
+
+"He means that the appellation is not usual in his own country," said
+one of the judges,--a small, red-eyed man, with pock-marks.
+
+"Put it down," observed the president, gravely. "The witness informs us
+that he is only called Dodd."
+
+"Kenny James Dodd, Monsieur," cried I, interrupting.
+
+"Dodd--dit Kenny James," dictated the small judge; and the amanuensis
+took it down.
+
+"And you swear you are the father of Dodd fils?" asked the president.
+
+I suppose that the adage of a wise child knowing his own father cuts
+both ways; but I answered boldly, that I 'd swear to the best of
+my belief,--a reservation, however, that excited a discussion of
+three-quarters of an hour, the point being at last ruled in my favor.
+
+I am bound to say that there was a great deal of legal learning
+displayed in the controversy,--a vast variety of authorities cited,
+from King David downwards; and although at one time matters seemed going
+against me, the red-eyed man turned the balance in my favor, and it was
+agreed that I was the father of my own son. If I knew but all, it might
+have been better for me there had been a hitch in the case. But I am
+anticipating.
+
+There now arose another dispute, on a point of law, I believe, and which
+was, what degree of responsibility--there were fourteen degrees, it
+seems, in the Pandects--I stood in as regarded the present suit. From
+the turn the debate took, I began to suspect we might all of us have
+to plead to our responsibilities in the other world ere it could be
+finished; but the red-eyed man, who seemed the shrewdest of them all,
+cut the matter short by proposing that I should be invited--that's the
+phrase--to say so much as I pleased in the question before the Court.
+
+"Yes, yes," assented the president. "Let him relate the affair." And the
+whole bar and the audience seemed to reecho the words.
+
+You know me well, Tom, and you can vouch for it that I never had any
+objection to telling a story. It was, in truth, a kind of weakness with
+me, and some used to say that I was getting into the habit of telling
+the same ones too often. Be that as it may, I never was accused of
+relating a garbled, broken, and disjointed tale, and for the honor of my
+anecdotic powers, I resolved not to do so.
+
+"My Lord," said I, "I 'm like the knife-grinder,--I have no story!"
+
+Bad luck to my illustration, it took half an hour to show that my
+identity was not somehow mixed up with a wheel and a grinding-stone!
+
+"Let him relate the affair," said the president, once more; and this
+time his voice and manner both proclaimed that his patience was not to
+be trifled with.
+
+"Relate what?" asked I, tartly.
+
+"All that you know,--anything you have heard," whispered Van, who was
+trembling for my rashness.
+
+"My Lord," said I, "of myself I know nothing; I was in bed all the
+time."
+
+"He was in bed all the time," said the president to the others.
+
+"In bed," said red eyes; "let us see;" and he turned over a file of
+documents before him for several minutes. "Dodd père swears that he was
+in bed from the 7th of February, which is the first entry here, to the
+19th of May, inclusive."
+
+"I swear no such thing, my Lord," cried I.
+
+"What does he swear, then?" asked the small judge.
+
+"Let us hear his own version; tell us unreservedly all that you
+know," said the president, who really spoke as if he compassionated my
+embarrassment.
+
+"My Lord," said I, "there is nothing would give me more pleasure than to
+display the candor you require; but when I assure you that I actually
+know nothing--"
+
+"Know nothing, sir!" interposed the president. "Do you mean to tell this
+Court that you are, and were, in total ignorance of every part of your
+son's conduct,--that you never heard of his difficulties, nor of his
+efforts to meet them?"
+
+"If hearsay be sufficient, then," said I, "you shall have it;" and so,
+taking a long breath, for I saw a weary road before me, I began thus,
+the amanuensis occasionally begging of me a slight halt to keep up:--
+
+"It was about five or six weeks ago, my Lord, we--that is, Mrs. D., the
+girls, James, and myself--made an excursion to the field of Waterloo,
+filled by the very natural desire to see a spot so intimately associated
+with our country's glory. I will not weary you with any detail of
+disappointment, nor deplore the total absence of everything that could
+revive recollections of that great day. In fact, except the big lion
+with his tail between his legs, there is nothing symbolic of the nations
+engaged."
+
+I waited a moment here, Tom, to see how they took this; but they never
+winced, and so I perceived my shell exploded harmlessly.
+
+"We prowled about, my Lord, for two or three hours, and at last reached
+Hougoumont, in time to take shelter against a tremendous storm which
+just then broke over us; and there it was that James accidentally came
+in contact with the young gentleman whom I may not wrongfully call the
+cause of all our misfortunes. It would appear that they began discussing
+the battle, with all the natural prejudices of the two conflicting
+sides. I will not affirm that James was very well read on the subject;
+indeed, my impression is that his stock of information was principally
+derived from a representation he had witnessed by an equestrian troop
+at home, and where Bony, after galloping twice round the circus, throws
+himself on his knees and begs for mercy,--a fact so strongly impressed
+upon his memory that he insisted the Frenchman should receive it as
+historical. The dispute, it would seem, was not conducted within the
+legitimate limits of debate; they waxed angry, and the Frenchman, after
+a fierce provocation, set off into the thickest of the storm rather than
+endure the further discussion."
+
+"This seems to me, sir," interposed the president, "to be perfectly
+irrelevant to the matter before us. The Court accords the very widest
+latitude to explanations, but if they really have no bearing on the
+case in hand,--if, as it appears to my learned brethren and myself,
+this polemic on a battle has no actual connection with your son's
+difficulties--"
+
+"It's the very source and origin of them, my Lord," broke I in. "He has
+no embarrassment which does not date from that incident and that hour."
+
+"In that case you may proceed, sir," said he, blandly; and I went on.
+
+"I do not mean to say, my Lord, that all that followed was inevitable;
+nor that, with cooler heads and calmer tempers, the whole affair could
+not have been arranged; but James is hot, mighty hot,--the Celt is
+strong in him. He really likes a 'shindy,' not like some chaps for the
+notoriety of it,--not because it gets into the newspapers, and makes a
+noise,--but he likes it for itself, and for its own intrinsic merits,
+as one might say. And I may remark here, my Lord, that the Irishman is,
+perhaps, the only man in Europe that understands fighting in this sense;
+and this trait, if rightly considered, will give a strong clew to our
+national character, and will explain the general failure of all our
+attempts at revolution. We take so much diversion in a row that we quite
+forget it's only the means to an end. We have, so to say, so much fun on
+the road that we lose sight of the place we were going to.
+
+"I don't know, Tom, how much further I might have gone on in my
+analytical researches into our national character; but the interpreter
+cut me short, by assuring the Court that he was totally unable to follow
+me. In the narrative parts of my discourse he was good enough; but it
+seemed that my reflections, and my general remarks on men and manners,
+were a cut above him. I was therefore warned to 'try back' to the line
+of my story, which I did accordingly.
+
+"As for the affair itself, my Lord," resumed I, "I understand from
+eyewitnesses that it was most respectably and discreetly conducted.
+James was put up with his face to the west, so that Roger had the sun on
+him. The tools were beauties. It was a fine May morning, mellow, and not
+too bright. There was nothing wanting to make the scene impressive,
+and, I may add, instructive. Roger's friend gave the word--one, two,
+three--bang went both pistols together, and poor James received the
+other's fire just here,--between the bone and the artery, so Seutin
+described it,--a critical spot, I'm sure."
+
+"Dodd père," said the president, solemnly, "you are trifling with
+the patience of the tribunal!" A grave edict, which the other judges
+responded to by a majestic inclination of the bead.
+
+"If you are not," resumed he, slowly, and with great emphasis,--"if you
+are not a man of weak intellects and deficient reasoning powers, the
+conduct you have pursued is inexcusable,--it is a high contempt!"
+
+"And we shall teach you, sir," said the red-eyed, "that no pretence of
+national eccentricity can weigh against the claims of insulted justice."
+
+"Ay, sir," chimed in number three, who had not spoken before, "and
+we shall let you feel that the majesty of the law in this country is
+neither to be assailed by covert impertinence nor cajoled by assumed
+ignorance."
+
+"My Lords," said I, "all this rebuke is a riddle to me. You asked me to
+tell you a story; and if it be not a very connected and consistent one,
+the fault is not mine."
+
+"Let him stand committed for contempt," said the president. "The Petits
+Carmes may teach him decorum."
+
+Now, Tom, the Petite Carmes is Newgate, no less! and you may imagine my
+feelings at this announcement, particularly as I saw the clerk busily
+taking down, from dictation, a little history of my offence and its
+penalty. I turned to look for Van in my sore distress, and there he was,
+searching the volumes, briefs, and records, to find, as he afterwards
+said, "some clew to what I had been saying."
+
+"By Heaven!" cried I, losing all patience, "this is too bad. You urge
+me into a long account of what I know nothing, and then to rescue _your_
+own ignorance, you declare _me_ impertinent. There is not a lawyer's
+clerk in Ireland, there is no pettifogging practitioner for half-crown
+fees, there's not a brat that carries a blue bag down the Bachelor's
+Walk, could n't teach you all three. You go through some of the forms,
+but you know nothing of the facts of justice. You sit up there, like
+three stucco-men in mourning,--a perfect mockery of--"
+
+I was not suffered to finish, Tom, for, at a signal from the president,
+two gendarmes seized me on either side, and, notwithstanding some
+demonstrations of resistance, led me off to prison. Ay, I must write the
+word again--to prison! Kenny, I, Dodd, of Dod s borough, Justice of
+the Peace, and chairman of the Union of Bruff, committed to jail like a
+common felon!
+
+[Illustration: 142]
+
+I 'm sorry I suffered my feelings to get the better--perhaps I ought to
+say the worse--of me. Now that it's all over, it were better that I had
+not knocked down the turnkey, and kicked Vanhoegen out of my cell. It
+would have been both more discreet and more decorous, to have submitted
+patiently. I know it's what _you_ would have done, Tom, and trusted
+to your action for damages to indemnify you; but I'm hasty, that's the
+fact; and if I wanted to deny it, the state of the jailer's nose, and
+my own sprained thumb, would give evidence against me. But are there
+no allowances to be made for the provocation? Perhaps not for a simple
+assault; but if I had killed the turnkey, I'm certain the jury would
+discover the "circonstances atténuantes."
+
+Partly out of respect to my own feelings, partly out of regard to yours,
+I have not put the words "Petits Carmes" at the top of this letter; but
+truth will out, Tom, and the real fact is that I date the present from
+cell No. 65, in the common prison of Brussels! Is not that a pretty
+confession? Is not that a new episode in this Iliad of enjoyment,
+cultivation, and Heaven knows what besides, that Mrs. D. projected by
+our tour on the Continent? But I swear to you, solemnly, as I write
+this, that, if I live to get back, I'll expose the whole system of
+foreign travel. I don't think I could write a book, and it's hard
+nowadays to find a chap to put down one's own sentiments fairly and
+honestly, neither overlaying them with bits of poetry, nor explaining
+them away by any garbage of his own; so that, maybe, I'll not be able to
+come out hot-pressed and lettered; but if the worst comes to it, I 'll
+go about the country giving lectures. I 'll hire an organ-man to play at
+intervals, and I 'll advertise, "Kenny Dodd on Men and Manners
+abroad--Evenings with Frenchmen, and Nights with Distinguished
+Belgians." I'll show up their cookery, their morals, their modesty,
+their sense of truth, and their notions of justice. And though I well
+know that I 'll expose myself to the everlasting hate of a legion of
+hairdressers, dancing-masters, and white-mice men, I'll do it as sure as
+I live. I have heard you and Peter Belton wax warm and eloquent about
+the disgrace to our laws in permitting every kind of quackery to prevail
+unhindered; but what quackery was ever the equal to this taste for the
+Continent? If people ate Morison's pills like green peas, they would n't
+do themselves as much moral injury as by a month abroad! And if I were
+called before a committee of the House to declare, on my conscience,
+what I deemed the most pernicious reading of the day, I 'd say--Murray's
+Handbooks! I give you this under my hand and seal. That fellow--Murray,
+I mean--has got up a kind of Pictorial Europe of his own, with bits of
+antiquarianism, history, poetry, and architecture, that serves to
+convince our vulgar, vagabondizing English that they are doing a refined
+thing in coming abroad. He half persuades them that it is not for cheap
+champagne and red partridges they 're come, but to see the Cathedral of
+Cologne and the Dome of St. Peter's, till he breeds up a race of
+conceited, ill-informed, prating coxcombs, that disgrace us abroad and
+disgust us at home.
+
+I think I see your face now, and I half hear you mutter, "Kenny's in one
+of his fits of passion;" and you'd be right, too, for I have just upset
+my ink-bottle over the table, and there's scarcely enough left to finish
+this scrawl, as I must reserve a little for a few lines to Mrs. D.
+Apropos to that same, Tom, I don't know how to break it to her that I'm
+in a jail, for her feelings will be terribly shocked at first; not but,
+between you and me, before a year's over, she 'll make it a bitter
+taunt to me whenever we have a flare-up, and remind me that, for all my
+justiceship of the peace, I was treated like a common felon in Brussels!
+
+I believe that the best thing I can do is to send for Jellicot, since
+Vanhoegen and Draek have sent to say that they retire from my cause,
+"reserving to themselves all liberty of future action as regards the
+injury personally sustained;" which means that they require ten pounds
+for the kicking. Be it so!
+
+When I have seen Jellicot, I 'll give you the result of the interview,
+that is, if there be any result; but my friend J. is a lawyer of the
+lawyers, and it is not only that he keeps his right hand on terms of
+distance with his left, but I don't believe that the thumb and the
+forefinger of the same side are ever acquainted. He is very much that
+stamp of man your English Protestants call a Jesuit. God help them,
+little they know what a real Jesuit is!
+
+It's now a quarter to two in the morning, and I sit down to finish this
+with a heavy heart, and certainly no inclination for sleep. I don't know
+where to begin, nor how to tell you, what has happened; but the short of
+it is, Tom, I'm half ruined. Jellicot has been here for hours and gone
+over the whole case; he received the papers from D. and V.; and, indeed,
+everything considered, he has done the thing kindly and feelingly. I
+'m sure my head would n't stand the task of telling you all the
+circumstances; the matter resolves itself simply into this: The "affaire
+de Dodd fils," instead of being James's duel, as I thought, is a series
+of actions against him for debt, amounting to upwards of two thousand
+pounds sterling! There is not an extravagance, from the ballet to the
+betting-book, that he has not tasted; and saddle-horses, suppers,
+velvet waistcoats, jewelry, and gimcracks are at this moment dancing an
+infernal reel through my poor brain.
+
+He has contrived, in less than three months, to condense and concentrate
+wickedness enough for a lifetime; this is technically called "going
+fast." Egad, I should say it's a pace far too quick to last with any
+man, much less with the son of a broken-down Irish gentleman! You would
+not believe that the boy could know the very names of the things that he
+appears to have reckoned as mere necessaries of daily life; and how he
+contrived to raise money and contract loans--a thing that has been a
+difficulty to myself all my life long--is clean beyond me to explain. I
+'ll get a copy of the "claims" and send it over to you, and I feel that
+your astonishment will equal my own. It would appear that the young
+vagabond talked as if the Barings were his next of kin, and actually
+took delight in squandering money! Only think! all the time I believed
+he was hard at work at his French lessons, it was rattling a dice-box
+he was, and his education for the Board of Trade was going on in the
+side-scenes of the opera! Vickars has been the cause of all this. If
+he 'd have kept his promise, the boy wonld n't have been rained with
+rascally companions and spendthrift associates.
+
+Where's the money to come from, Tom? Have you any device in your head to
+get us out of this scrape? I suppose some, at least, of the demands will
+admit of abatement, and Lazarus, they say, always takes a fourth of
+his claim. You can estimate the pleasant game of cross-purposes I was
+playing all yesterday with the Court of Cassation, and what a chaotic
+mass of rubbish the field of Waterloo and the duel must have appeared in
+an action for debt! But why did n't they apprise me of what I was
+there for? Why did they go on with their ridiculous demand, "Racontez
+l'affaire"? Recount what? What should I know of the nefarious dealings
+of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego? They torment me for six weeks by
+a daily examination, till it would be nothing singular if I became
+monomaniac, and could discuss no other theme than a duel and a gunshot
+wound, and then, without the slightest suggestion of a change, they
+launch me into a thing like a Court of Bankruptcy!
+
+It appears that I have been committed for three days for my "contempt,"
+and before that time elapses, there is no 'resource in Belgian law to
+compel them to bring up the body of Kenny Dodd; so that here I must
+stay, "chewing," as the poet says, "the cud of sweet and bitter fancy."
+Not that I have not a great deal of business to transact in this
+interval. Jellicot's papers would fill a cart; besides which, I have in
+contemplation a letter for Mrs. D. that will, I suspect, astonish her. I
+mean briefly, but clearly, to place before her the state we are in,
+and her own share in bringing us to it. I'll let her feel that her own
+extravagance has given the key-note to the family, and that she alone is
+to blame for this calamity. Among the many fine things promised me for
+coming abroad, she forgot to say that I was to be like Silvio Pellico;
+but _I_ 'll not forget it, Tom!
+
+Then, I have an epistle special for James. He shall feel that he has a
+share in the general ruin; for I will write to Vickars, and ask for a
+commission for him in a black regiment, or an appointment in the Cape
+Mounted Rifles,--what old Burrowes used to call the Blessed Army of
+Martyrs. I don't care a jot where he goes! But he 'll find it hard to
+give suppers at four pound a head in the Gambia, and ballet-dancers will
+scarcely be costly acquaintances on the banks of the Niger! And lastly,
+I mean to threaten a return to Ireland! "Only threaten," you say: "why
+not do it in earnest?" As I told you before, I'm not equal to it! I
+'ve pluck for anything that can be done by one effort, but I have not
+strength for a prolonged conflict. I could better jump off the Tarpeian
+rock than I could descend a rugged mountain! Mrs. D. knows this so well
+that whenever I show fight, she lays down her parallels so quietly, and
+prepares for a siege with such deliberation, that I always surrender
+before she brings up her heavy guns. Don't prate to me of pusillanimity
+and cowardice! Nobody is brave with his wife. From the Queen of Sheba
+down to the Duchess of Marlborough, ay, and to our own days, if I liked
+to quote instances, history teaches the same lesson. What chance have
+you with one that has been studying every weak point, and every frailty
+of your disposition, for, maybe, twenty years? Why, you might as well
+box with your doctor, who knows where to plant the blow that will be the
+death of you.
+
+I have another "dodge," too, Tom,--don't object to the phrase, for it's
+quite parliamentary; see Bernai Osborne, _passim_. I 'll tell Mrs. D.
+that I 'll put an advertisement in "Galignani," cautioning the public
+against giving credit to her, or her son, or her daughters; that the
+Dodd family is come abroad especially for economy, and has neither
+pretension to affluence, nor any claim to be thought rich. If that won't
+frighten her, my name is not Kenny! The fact is, Tom, I intend to pursue
+a very brave line of action for the three days I'm "in," since she
+cannot have access to me without my own request. You understand me.
+
+I cannot bring my mind to answer your questions about Dodsborough; my
+poor head is too full of its own troubles. They 've just brought me
+my breakfast,--prison fare,--for in my indignation I have refused all
+other. Little I used to think, while tasting the jail diet at home,
+as one of the visitors, that I'd ever be reduced to eating it on less
+experimental grounds!
+
+I must reserve all my directions about home affairs for my next; but
+bestir yourself to raise this money for us. Without some sort of a
+compromise we cannot leave this; and I am as anxious to "evacuate
+Flanders" as ever was Uncle Toby! Captain Morris told me, the other
+day, of a little town in Germany where there are no English, and where
+everything can be had for a song. The cheapness and the isolation would
+both be very advisable just now. I 'll get the name of it before I write
+next.
+
+By the way, Morris is a better fellow than I used to think him: a little
+priggish or so, but good-hearted at bottom, and honest as the sun. I
+think he has an eye on Mary Anne. Not that at present he 'd have much
+chance in that quarter. These foreign counts and barons give a false
+glitter to society that throws into the shade all untitled gentility;
+and your mere country gentleman beside them is like your mother's
+old silver teapot on a table with a show specimen of Elkington's new
+galvanic plate. Not but if you wanted to raise a trifle of money on
+either, the choice would be very difficult.
+
+I 'll keep anything more for another letter, and now sign myself
+
+Your old and attached friend,
+
+Kenny I. Dodd. Petits Cabmes, Brussels, Tuesday Morning.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XII. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH
+
+Dear Molly,--The blessed Saints only can tell what sufferings I have
+gone through the last two days, and it's more than I 'm equal to, to say
+how it happened! The whole family has been turned topsy and turvy, and
+there's not one of us is n't upside down; and for one like me, that
+loves to live in peace and enmity with all mankind, this is a sore
+trial!
+
+Many 's the time you heard me remark that if it was n't for K. I.'s
+temper, and the violence of his passion, that we 'd be rich and well off
+this day. Time, they say, cures many an evil; but I 'll tell you one,
+Molly, that it never improves, and that is a man's wilful nature; on
+the contrary, they only get more stubborn and cross-grained, and I often
+think to myself, what a blessed time one of the young creatures must
+have had of it, married to some patriarch in the Old Testament; and then
+I reflect on my own condition,--not that Kenny Dodd is like anything in
+the Bible! And now to tell you, if I 'm able, some of my distresses.
+
+You have heard about poor dear James, and how he was shot; but you don't
+know that these last six weeks he has never been off his back, with
+three doctors, and sometimes five-and-thirty leeches on him; and what
+with the torturing him with new-fashioned instruments, and continued
+"repletion," as they call it,--if it had n't been for strong wine-gruel
+that I gave him, at times, "unknownst,"--my sure belief is that he would
+n't have been spared to us. This has been a terrible blow, Molly; but
+the ways of Providence is unscrupulous, and we must submit.
+
+Here it is, then. James, like every boy, spent a little more money than
+he had, and knowing well his father's temper, he went to the Jews to
+help him. They smarted the poor dear child, who, in his innocent heart,
+knew nothing of the world and its wicked ways. They made him take
+all kinds of things instead of cash,--Dutch tiles, paving-stones, an
+altar-piece, and a set of surveying-tools, amongst the rest; and these
+he had to sell again to raise a trifle of cash. Some of them he disposed
+of mighty well,--particularly the altar-piece,--but on others he lost a
+good deal, and, at the end, was a heavy balance in debt. If it had n't
+been for the duel, however, he says he 'd have no trouble at all in
+"carrying on,"--that's his own word, and I suppose alludes to the
+business. Be that as it may, his wound was his ruin. Nobody knew how
+to manage his affairs but himself. It was the very same way with my
+grandfather, Maurice Lynch McCarthy; for when he died there wasn't a
+soul left could make anything of his papers. There was large sums in
+them,--thousands and thousands of pounds mentioned,--but where they
+were, and what's become of them, we never discovered.
+
+And so with James. There he was, stretched on his bed, while villains
+and schemers were working his ruin! The business came into the courts
+here, which, from all I can learn, Molly, are not a bit better than at
+home with ourselves. Indeed, I believe, wherever one goes, lawyers is
+just the same for roguery and rampacity. To be sure, it 's comfort to
+think that you can have another, to the full as bad as the one against
+you; and if there is any abuse or bad language going, you can give it as
+hot as you get it; that's equal justice, Molly, and one of the proudest
+boasts of the British constitution! And you 'd suppose that K. I.,
+sitting on the bench for nigh four-and-twenty years, would know that
+as well as anybody. Yet what does he do?--you 'll not believe me when I
+tell you! Instead of paying one of these creatures to go in and torment
+the others, to pick holes in all he said, and get fellows to swear
+against them, he must stand out, forsooth, and be his own lawyer! And
+a blessed business he made of it! A reasonable man would explain to the
+judges how it all was,--that James was a child; that it was the other
+day only he was flying a kite on the lawn at home; that he knew as much
+about wickedness as K. I. did of paradise; that the villains that led
+him on ought to be publicly whipped! Faith, I can fancy, Molly, it was a
+beautiful field for any man to display every commotion of the heart; but
+what does he do? He gets up on his legs,--I did n't see, but I 'm told
+it,--he gets up on his legs and begins to ballyrag and blackguard all
+the courts of justice, and the judges, and the attorneys, down to the
+criers,--he spares nobody! There is nothing too dreadful for him to say,
+and no words too bad to express it in; till, their patience being all
+run out, they stop him at last, and give orders to have him taken from
+the spot, and thrown into a dungeon of the town jail,--a terrible old
+place, Molly, that goes by the name of the "Petit Carême!" and where
+they say the diet is only a thin sheet of paper above starving.
+
+[Illustration: 152]
+
+And there he is now, Molly; and you may picture to yourself, as the poet
+says, "what frame he's in"! The news reached me when we were going to
+the play. I was under the hands of the hairdresser, and I gave such a
+screech that he jumped back, and burned himself over the mouth with the
+curling-irons. Even that was a relief to me, Molly; for Mary Anne and
+myself laughed till we cried again!
+
+I was for keeping the thing all snug and to ourselves about K. I.;
+but Mary Anne said we should consult Lord George, that was then in the
+house, and going with us to the theatre. They are a wonderful people,
+the great English aristocracy; and if it's anything more than another
+distinguishes them, 't is the indifference to every kind and description
+of misfortune. I say this, because, the moment Lord George heard the
+story, he lay down on the sofa, and laughed and roared till I thought he
+'d split his sides. His only regret was that he had n't been there, in
+the courts, to see it all. As for James's share of the trouble, he said
+it "didn't signify a rush!"
+
+He made the same remark I did myself,--that James was the same as an
+infant, and could, consequently, know nothing of the world and its
+pompous vanities.
+
+"I 'll tell you how to manage it all," said he, "and how you 'll not
+only escape all gossip, but actually refute even the slightest scandal
+that may get abroad. Say, first of all, that Mr. Dodd is gone over to
+England--we 'll put it in the 'Galignani'--to attend his Parliamentary
+duties. The Belgian papers will copy it at once. This being done, issue
+invitations for an evening at home, 'tea and dance,'--that's the way to
+do it. Say that the governor hates a ball, and that you are just taking
+the occasion of his absence to see your friends without disturbing
+_him_. The people that will come to you won't be too critical about
+the facts. Believe me, the gay company will be the very last to inquire
+where is the head of the house. I 'll take care that you 'll have
+everybody worth having in Brussels, and with Latour's band, and the
+supper by Dubos, I 'd like to see who 'll have a spare thought for Mr.
+Dodd the absent."
+
+I own to you, Molly, the counsel shocked my feelings at first, and I
+asked my heart, "What will the world say, if it ever comes out that we
+had our house full of company, and the height of gayety going on, when
+the head of the family was, maybe, in chains in a dungeon?" "Don't you
+perceive," says Lord G., "that what I 'm advising will just prevent the
+possibility of all that,--that you are actually rescuing your family, by
+a master-stroke, from the evil consequences of Mr. D.'s rashness? As
+to the boldness of the policy," added he, "that is the only merit it
+possesses." And then he said something about the firing at St. Sebastian
+above somebody's head, that I didn't quite lightly understand. The
+upshot was, Molly, I was convinced, not, you may be sure, that I felt
+any pleasure or gratification in the prospect of a ball under such
+trying circumstances, but just as Lord G. said, I felt I was "rescuing
+the family."
+
+When we came home, from the play,--for we went with heavy hearts, I
+assure you, though we afterwards laughed a great deal,--we set about
+writing the invitations for "Our Evening;" and although James and Mary
+Anne assisted Lord G., it was nigh daybreak when we were done. You 'll
+ask, where was Caroline? And you might well ask; but as long as I live
+I 'll never forget her unnatural conduct! It is n't that she opposed
+everything about the ball, but she had the impudence to say to my face
+"that hitherto we had been only ridiculous, but that this act would be
+one of downright shame and disgrace." Her language to Lord George was
+even worse, for she told him that his "counsel was a very sorry requital
+for the generous hospitality her father had always extended to him."
+Where the hussey got the words so glibly, I can't imagine; but she, that
+rarely speaks at all, talked away with the fluency of a lawyer. As to
+helping us to address the notes, she vowed she 'd rather cut her fingers
+off; and what made this worse was, that she's the only one of them knows
+the genders in French, and whether a _soirée_ is a man or a woman!
+
+You may imagine the trouble of the next day; for in order to have the
+ball come off before K. I. was out, we were only able to give two days'
+notice. Little the people that come to your house to dance or to sup
+know or think what a deal of trouble--not to say more--it costs to give
+a ball. Lord George tells me that even the Queen herself always gives
+it in another house, so she 's not put out of her way with the
+preparations,--and, to be sure, what is more natural?--and that she
+would n't like to be exposed to the turmoil of taking down beds, hanging
+lustres, fixing sconces, raising a platform for the music, and settling
+tables for the supper. I 'm sure and certain, if she only knew what it
+was to pass such a day as yesterday was with me, she 'd never have a
+larger party than that lord that's always in waiting, and the ladies of
+the bedroom! As for regular meals, Molly, we had none. There was a ham
+and cold chickens in the lobby, and a veal pie and some sherry on the
+back stairs; and that's the way we breakfasted, dined, and supped. To
+be sure, we laughed heartily all the time, and I never saw Mary Anne in
+such spirits. Lord George was greatly struck with her,--I saw it by his
+manner,--and I would n't be a bit surprised if something came of it yet!
+
+I have little time to say more now, for I 'm called down to see the
+flowerpots and orange-trees that's to line the hall and the stairs; but
+I 'll try and finish this by post hour.
+
+As I see that this cannot be despatched to-day, I 'll keep it over,
+to give you a "full and true" account of the ball, which Lord George
+assures me will be the greatest _fête_ Brussels has seen this winter;
+and, indeed, if I am to judge from the preparations, I can well believe
+him! There are seven men cooks in the kitchen making paste and drinking
+sherry in a way that's quite incredible, not to speak of an elderly man
+in my own room that's doing the M'Carthy arms in spun-sugar for a temple
+that is to represent Dodsborough, in the middle of the table, with K.
+I. on the top of it, holding a flag, and crying out something in French
+that means welcome to the company. Poor K. I., 'tis something else he's
+thinking of all the time!
+
+Then, the whole stairs and the landing is all one bower of camellias
+and roses and lilies of the valley, brought all the way from Holland for
+another ball, but, by Lord George's ingenuity, obtained by us. As for
+ice, Molly, you 'd think my dressing-room was a Panorama of the North
+Pole; and there's every beast of that region done in strawberries or
+lemon, with native creatures, the color of life, in coffee or chocolate.
+The music will be the great German Brass Band, fifty-eight performers,
+and two Blacks with cymbals. They 're practising now, and the noise
+is dreadful! Carts are coming in every moment with various kinds of
+eatables, for I must tell you, Molly, they don't do things here the
+way we used at Dodsborough. Plenty of cold roast chickens, tongues, and
+sliced ham, apple-pies, tarts, jelly, and Spanish flummery, with Naples
+biscuits and a plum-cake, is a fine supper in Ireland; and if you begin
+with sherry, you can always finish with punch: but here there's nothing
+that ever was eaten they won't have. Ice when they 're hot, soup when
+they 're chilly, oyster patties and champagne continually during
+the dancing, and every delicacy under the sun afterwards on the
+supper-table.
+
+There's nothing distresses me in it all but the Polka, Molly. I can't
+learn it. I always slide when I ought to hop, and where there 's a hop
+I duck down in spite of me! And whether it's the native purity of an
+Irishwoman, or that I never was reared to it, I can't say; but the
+notion of a man's arm round me keeps me in a flutter, and I 'm always
+looking about to see how K. I. bears it. I suppose, however, I 'll get
+through it well enough, for Lord George is to be my partner; and as I
+know K. I.'s "safe," my mind is more easy.
+
+Perhaps it's the shortness of the invitation, but there's a great many
+apologies coming in. The English Ambassador won't come. Lord G. says
+it's all the better, for the Tories are going out, and it will be a
+great service to K. I. with the Whigs if it's thought he did n't invite
+him! This may be true, but it's no reason in life for the Austrian, the
+French, the Prussian, and the Spanish Ministers sending excuses.
+Lord George, however, thinks it's the terrible state of the Continent
+explains it all, and the Despotic Powers are so angry with Lord Dudley
+Stuart and Roebuck that they like to insult the English! If it be so,
+they haven't common-sense. Kenny James has taken a turn with all their
+parties, and much good it has done him!
+
+Lord G. and Mary Anne are in high spirits, notwithstanding these
+disappointments, for "the Margravine" is coming,--at least, so he
+tells me; but whether the Margravine be a man or woman, Molly, or only
+something to eat, I don't rightly know, and I 'm ashamed to ask.
+
+I have just been greatly provoked by a visit from Captain Morris, who
+called twice this morning, and at last insisted on seeing me. He came to
+entreat me, he says, "if not to abandon, at least to put off, our
+ball till Mr. Dodd's return." I tried to browbeat him, Molly, for his
+impertinent interference, but it would n't do; and he showed me that he
+knew perfectly well where K. I. was,--a piece of information that, of
+course, he obtained from Caroline. Oh, Molly dear, when one's own flesh
+and blood turns against them,--when children forget all the lessons you
+'ve been teaching them from infancy,--it's a sore, sore trial! Not but I
+have reason to be thankful. Mary Anne and James are like part of
+myself; nothing mean or little-minded about _them_, but fine, generous,
+confiding creatures,--happy for to-day, hopeful for to-morrow!
+
+When I mentioned to Lord G. what Morris came about, he only laughed, and
+said, "It was a clever dodge of the half-pay,--he wanted an invitation;"
+and I see now that such must have been his object. The more one sees of
+mankind, the greater appears their meanness; and in my heart I feel how
+unsuited guileless, simple-hearted creatures like myself are to combat
+against the stratagems and ambuscades of this wicked world. Not that
+little Morris will gain much by his morning's work, for Mary Anne says
+that Lord George will never suffer him to get on full pay as long as he
+lives. "A friend in need is a friend indeed," Molly, more particularly
+when he's a lord.
+
+The Margravine is a princess, Molly. I 've just found it out; for James
+is to receive her at the foot of the stairs, Mary Anne and myself on
+the lobby. Lord G. says she must have whist at half-"Nap." points, and
+always play with her own "Gentleman-in-Waiting." She never goes out on
+any other conditions. But he says, "She 's cheap even at that price, for
+an occasion like the present;" and maybe he's right.
+
+No more now, for my gown is come to be tried on.
+
+*****
+
+*****
+
+Dear Molly, I'll try and finish this, since, maybe, it's the last lines
+you 'll ever receive from your attached friend. Three days have elapsed
+since I put my hand to paper, and three such days, I 'll be bound, no
+human creature ever passed. Out of one fit of hysterics into another,
+and taking the strongest stimulants, with no more effect than if
+they were water! My screeches, I am told, were dreadful, and there 's
+scarcely one of the family can't show the mark of my nails; and this is
+what K. I. has brought me to. _You_ know well what I used to suffer
+from him at Dodsborough, and the terrible scenes we always had when
+the Christmas bills came in; but it's all nothing, Molly, to what has
+happened here. But as my Uncle Joe said, no good ever came out of a
+"mess-alliance."
+
+My moments are few so I 'll be brief. The ball was beautiful, Molly;
+there never was the like of it for elegance and splendor! For great
+names, rank, fashion, beauty, and jewels, it was, they tell me, far
+beyond the Court, because we had a great many people who, from political
+reasons, refuse to go to Leopold, but who had no prejudices against your
+humble servant; for, strange enough, they have Orangemen here as well
+as in Ireland! Princes, dukes, counts, and generals came pouring in, all
+shining with stars and crosses, blue and red ribbons, and keys worked
+on their coat-tails, till nearly twelve o'clock. There were, then,
+nigh seven hundred souls in the house, eating, dancing, drinking, and
+enjoying themselves; and a beautiful sight it was: everybody happy, and
+thinking only of pleasure. Mary Anne looked elegant, and many remarked
+that we must be sisters. Oh dear, if they only saw me now!
+
+There was a mazurka that lasted till half-past one, for it's a dance
+that everybody must take out each in turn, and you 'd fancy there was
+no end to it, for, indeed, they never do seem tired of embracing and
+holding each other round the waist; but Lord George came to say that the
+Margravine had finished her whist and wanted her supper, so down we must
+go at once.
+
+James was to take her Supreme Highness, and the Prince of Dammiseisen--a
+name that always made me laugh--was to take me; but he is a great man
+in Germany, and had a kingdom of his own till he was "modified" by
+Bonaparte, which means, as Lord George says, that "he took it out in
+money." But why do I dwell on these things? Down we went, Molly,--down
+the narrow stairs,--for the supper was laid out below; and a terrible
+crush it was, for, strange as it may seem, your grand people are just as
+anxious to get good places as any; and I saw a duke fighting his way in,
+just like old Ted Davis at Dodsborough!
+
+When we came to the last flight of stairs, the crowd was awful, and the
+banisters creaked, and the wood-work groaned, so that I thought it was
+going to give way; and instead of James moving on in front, he pressed
+back upon us, and increased the confusion, for we were forced forward by
+hundreds behind us.
+
+"What's the matter, James?" said I. "Why don't you goon?"
+
+"I 'd rather be excused," said he. "It 's like Donnybrook Fair, down
+there,--a regular shindy!"
+
+It was no less, Molly; for although the hall was filled with servants,
+there were two men armed with sticks, laying about them like mad, and
+fighting their way towards the supper-room.
+
+"Who are those wretches?" cried I; "why don't they turn them out?"
+
+The words weren't well out, my dear Molly, when the door gave way, and
+the two, trampling down all before them, passed into the room. From that
+moment it was crash after crash! Lamps, lustres, china, glass, plates,
+dishes, fruit, and confectionery flying on all sides! In less time than
+I 'm writing it, the table was cleared, and of the elegant temple there
+wasn't a bit standing. I just got inside the door to see the McCarthy
+arms in smithereens! and K. I.--for it was him!--dancing over them, with
+that little blackguard Paddy Byrne smashing everything round him! I went
+off into fits, Molly, and never saw more; and, indeed, I wish with all
+my heart that I never came to again, if what they tell me be only true.
+K. I., it seems, no sooner demolished the supper than he set to work on
+the company. He snatched off the Margravine's wig, and beat her with it,
+kicking Dammiseisen and two other princes into the street. They say that
+many of the nobility leaped out of the first-pair windows, and one fat
+old gentleman, a chamberlain to the King of Bavaria, was caught by a
+lamp iron, and hung there for twenty minutes, with a mob shouting round
+him!
+
+This all came of the Belgians letting out K. I. at one o'clock, which,
+according to their reckoning, was the end of his three days.
+
+I 'm getting another attack, so I must conclude. We left Brussels the
+next morning, and arrived here the same night. I don't know where we are
+going, and I don't care. K. I. has never had the face to come near me
+since his infamous conduct, and I hope, for the little time I may be
+spared on this side of the grave, not to see him again. Mary Anne is in
+bed, too, and nearly as bad as myself; and as for Caroline, I wouldn't
+let her into the room! Lord George took James away to his own lodgings
+till K. I. learns to behave more like a Christian; but when that may be
+is utterly beyond
+
+Your afflicted and disgraced friend,
+
+Jemima Dodd.
+
+
+Hôtel d'Angleterre, Liège.
+
+Dear Molly, I open this to say that I have made my will; for, if Divine
+Providence doesn't befriend me, your poor Jemima will be in paradise
+before this reaches you! I have left you my black satin with the bugles,
+and my brown bombazine, which, when it is dyed, will be very nice
+mourning for common wear. I also bequeath to you the things you 'll find
+in the oak press in my own room, and ten silver spoons, and a fish-knife
+marked with the McCarthy arms, which, not to be too particular, I have
+put down in the will as "plate and linen." I leave you, besides, my book
+of "Domestic Cookery," "The Complete Housewife," and the "Way to Glory,"
+by St. Francis Xavier. There are marks all through them with my own
+pen; and be particular to observe the receipt for snow pancakes, and the
+prayers for a "Plenary" after Candlemas.
+
+It will be a comfort to your feelings to know that I am departing from
+this life in peace and charity with every one. Tell Mat I forgive him
+the fleece he stole out of the hayloft; and though he swears still he
+never laid hand on it, who else was there, Molly? You can give Kitty
+Hogan the old shoes in the closet, for, though she never wears any, she
+'d like to have them for keepsakes! K. I. cared too little for my peace
+here to suppose that he will think of my repose hereafter, so that
+Father John can take the yearling calf and the two ewes out in masses!
+My feelings is overcoming me, Molly, and I can't go on!--breathing my
+last, as I am, in a far-away land, and sinking under the cruelty of a
+hard-hearted man!
+
+I think it would only be a decent mark of respect to my family if the
+M'Carthy arms was hung up over the door, to show I was n't a Dodd. The
+crest is an angel sheltering a fox, or a beast like a fox, under his
+wing; but you 'll see it on the spoons. When you sell the piggs--maybe I
+ought n't to put two g's in them, but my head is wandering--pay old
+Judy Cobb two-and-sevenpence for the yarn, and say that I won't stop the
+ninepence out of Betty's wages. Maybe, when I 'm gone, they 'll begin to
+see what they 've lost, and maybe E. I. will feel it too, when he finds
+no buttons on his shirts and the strings out of his waistcoat; and
+what's far worse, nobody to contradict him, and control his wilful
+nature! That's the very struggle that's killing me now! Nobody knows,
+nor would believe, the opposition I 've given him for twenty years. But
+_he_ 'll feel it, Molly, and that before I'm six weeks in the grave.
+
+I don't know my age to a day or a month, but you can put me down at
+thirty-nine, and maybe the "Blast of Freedom" would say a word or
+two about my family. I 'd like that far better than to be "deeply
+regretted," or "to the inexpressible grief of her bereaved relations."
+
+I have made it a last request that my remains are to be sent home, and
+as I know K. I. won't go to the expense, he'll have to bear all the
+disgrace of neglecting my dying entreaty. That's my legacy to him,
+Molly; and if it's not a very profitable one, the "duty" will not be
+heavy.
+
+Remember me affectionately to everybody, and say that to the last my
+heart was in my own country; and indeed, Molly, I never did hear so much
+good about Ireland as since we left it!
+
+I have just taken a draught that has restored me wonderfully. It has a
+taste of curaçoa, and evidently suits my constitution. Maybe Providence,
+in his mercy, means to reserve me for more trials and misfortunes; for
+I feel stronger already, and am going to taste a bit of roast duck, with
+sage and onions. Betty has done it for me herself.
+
+If I do recover, Molly, I promise you K. I. won't find me the poor
+submissive worm he has been trampling upon these more than twenty years!
+I feel more like myself already; the "mixture" is really doing me good.
+
+You may write to me to this place, with directions to be opened by Mary
+Anne, if I 'm no more. The very thought of it overwhelms me. The idea of
+one's own death is the most terrible of all afflictions; and as for me,
+I don't think I could ever survive it.
+
+I mean to send for K. I., to take leave of him, and forgive him,
+before I go. I 'm not sure that I 'd do so, Molly, if it wasn't for the
+opportunity of telling him my mind about all his cruelty to me, and that
+I know well what he's at, and that he'll be married again before six
+months. That's the treachery of men; but there's one comfort,--they are
+well paid off for it when they marry--as they always do--some young minx
+of nineteen or twenty. It's exactly what K. I. is capable of; and I mean
+to show him that I see it, and all the consequences besides.
+
+The mixture is really of service to me, and I feel as if I could take a
+sleep. Mary Anne will seal this if I 'm not awake before post hour. #
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XIII. FROM K. I. DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+
+Liège, Tuesday Evening.
+
+My dear Tom,--Your reproaches are all just, but I really have not had
+courage to wield a pen these last three weeks, nor have I now patience
+to go back on the past. Perhaps when we meet--if ever that good time
+is to come round again--I may be able to tell you something of my final
+exit from Brussels; but now with the shame yet fresh, and the disgrace
+recent, I cannot find pluck for it.
+
+Here we are at what they call the "Pavilion," having changed from the
+Hotel d'Angleterre yesterday. You must know, Tom, that this same city
+of Liège is the noisiest, most dinning, hammering, hissing, clanking,
+creaking, welding, smelting, and furnace-roaring town in Europe.
+Something like a hundred thousand tinkers are at work every day; and
+from an egg saucepan to a steam-boiler there is something to be hammered
+at by every capacity!
+
+You would say that tumult like this might satisfy the most craving
+appetite for uproar; but not so: the Liégeois are regular gluttons for
+noise, and they insist upon having Verdi's new opera of "Nabuchodonosor"
+performed at their great theatre. Now, this same theatre is exactly
+in front of the Hôtel d'Angleterre, so that when, by dint of time,
+patience, and a partial dulness of the acoustic nerves, we were getting
+used to steam-factories and shot-foundries, down comes Verdi on us,
+with a din and clangor to which even the works of Seraing were like
+an _Æolian_ harp! Now, of all the Pretenders of these days of especial
+humbug, with our "Long ranges," Morison's pills and Louis Napoleons, I
+don't think you could show me a greater charlatan than this same Verdi.
+I don't pretend to know a bit about music; I only knew two tunes all my
+life, "God save the King" and "Patrick's Day," and these only because
+we used to stand up and take off our hats to them in the Dublin theatre;
+but modulated, soft sounds have always had their effect on me, and I
+never heard a country girl singing as she beetled her linen beside a
+river's bank, or listened to the deep bay of an old fox-hound of a clear
+winter's morning, without feeling that there was something inside of
+me somewhere that responded to the note. But this fellow is all
+marrow-bones and cleavers! Trumpets, drums, big fiddles, and bassoons
+are the softest things he knows. I take it as a providential thing that
+his music cracks every voice after one season; for before long
+there will be nobody left in Europe to sing him, except it be the
+steam-whistle of an express-train!
+
+But we live in strange times, Tom, that's the fact. The day was when
+our operas used to be taken from real life,--or what authors and poets
+thought was real life. We had the "Maid of the Mill," and the "Duenna,"
+and "Love in a Village," and a score more, pleasant and amusing enough;
+and except that there was nothing wrong or incomprehensible in them,
+perhaps they might have stood their ground. There was the great failure,
+Tom; everybody could understand them, and nobody need be shocked. Now,
+the taste is, puzzle a great many, and shock every one!
+
+A grand opera now must be from the Old Testament. Not even drums and
+kettle-drums would save you, if you haven't Moses or Melchisedek to
+sit down in white raiment, and see some twenty damsels, with petticoats
+about as long as a lace ruffle, capering and attitudinizing in a way
+that ought to make even a patriarch blush. Now, this is all wrong,
+Tom. The public might be amused without profanity, and even the most
+inveterate lover of dancing needn't ask David and Uriah for a _pas
+de deux_. And now, let me remark to you, that a great deal of that
+so-much-vaunted social liberty abroad is neither more nor less than this
+same latitude with respect to any and every thing. We at home were
+bred up to believe that good-breeding mainly consists in a certain
+reserve,--a cautious deference not alone for the feelings, but even the
+prejudices of others; that you have no right to offend your neighbor's
+sense of respect for fifty things that you held cheaply yourself. They
+reverse all this here. Everybody talks to you of yourself, ay, and of
+your wife and your mother, as frankly as though they were characters
+of the heathen mythology: they treat you like a third party in these
+discussions, and very likely it was a practice of this kind originally
+suggested the phrase of being "beside oneself."
+
+You'll perhaps remark that my tone is very low and depressed, Tom; and I
+own to you I feel so. For a man that came abroad to enjoy himself, I am,
+to say the least, going a mighty strange way about it. The most rigid
+moralist couldn't accuse me of my epicurism, for I seem to be husbanding
+my Continental pleasures with a laudable degree of self-denial. Would
+you like a peep at us? Well, Mrs. D. is over there in No. 19, in bed
+with fourteen leeches on her temples, and a bottle as big as a black
+jack of camphor and sal-volatile beside her as a kind of table beverage;
+Mary Anne and Caroline are somewhere in the dim recesses of the same
+chamber, silent, if they 're not sobbing; James is under lock and key in
+No. 17, with Ollendorff's Method, and the Gospel of St. John in French;
+and here am I, trying to indite a few lines, with blast furnaces and
+brass instruments baying around me, and Paddy Byrne cleaning knives
+outside the door!
+
+[Illustration: 168]
+
+Mrs. D.'s attack is not serious, but it is very distressing. She has got
+the notion into her head that foreign apothecaries have a general pardon
+for poisoning, and so she requires that some of us should always take
+part of her physic before she touches it. The consequence is that I
+have been going through a course of treatment that would have pushed an
+elephant rather hard. I can stand some things pretty well; but what they
+call réfrigérants, Tom, play the devil with me! and I am driven to
+brandy and water to an extent that I can scarcely call myself quite
+sober at any time of the day. Were we at home in Dodsborough, there
+would be none of this; so that here, again, is another of the blessings
+of our foreign experiences! Ah, Tom! it's all a mistake from beginning
+to end. You would n't know your old friend if you saw him; and although
+they've padded me out, and squeezed me in, I 'm not the man I used to
+be!
+
+You tell me that I'm not to expect any more money till November; but you
+forgot to tell me how I 'm to live without it. We compromised with the
+Jews for fifteen hundred.
+
+Our "extraordinaries," as the officials would call them, amounted to
+three more; so that, taking all things into account, we have been living
+since April last at a trifle more than eleven thousand a year. It's a
+mercy that when they sell a man out by the Encumbered Estates Court,
+they ask no impertinent questions about how he contracted his debts. I
+'d cut a sorry figure under such an examination.
+
+We have begun the economy, Tom, and I hope that even you will be
+satisfied; for although this place is detestable to me, here I 'll stay,
+if my hearing can stand it, till winter. Mary Anne says we might as well
+be in Birmingham, and my reply is, I'm quite ready to go there! I own to
+you I have a kind of diabolical delight in seeing them all nonplussed.
+There are neither dukes nor marquises here, neither princesses nor
+ballet-dancers! The most reckless spendthrift could only ruin himself in
+steam-boilers, gun-barrels, and kitchen-rauges; there's nothing softer
+than cast-iron in the whole town.
+
+Our rooms are in the third story. James and I dine at the public table.
+Our only piece of extravagance is the doctor that attends Mrs. D.; and
+if you saw him, you 'd scarcely give him the name of a luxury! I needn't
+say that there is very little pleasure in all this; indeed, for anything
+_I_ see, I think we might be leading the same kind of life in Kilmainham
+Jail; and perhaps at last they 'll see this themselves, and consent to
+return home.
+
+I go out for an hour's walk every day, but it does me little good. My
+usual stroll is to a shot factory, and back by a patent bolt and rivet
+establishment; but this avoids the theatre, for I own to you Nabucco,
+as they call him for shortness, shouts in a manner that makes me quite
+irritable.
+
+James never leaves his room; he's studying hard at last; and although
+his health would be the better for a little exercise, I 'll just leave
+him to himself. It's right he should pay some penalty for his late
+conduct. As for the girls, Mary Anne is indignant with me, and only
+comes to say good-morning and good-night; and Cary, though she tries
+to look cheerful and happy, is evidently fretting in secret. Betty Cobb
+takes less trouble to repress her feelings, and goes howling about the
+hotel like a dog run over by the mail, and is always getting accompanied
+by strange and inquisitive travellers, who insist upon hearing her
+sorrows, and occasionally push their inquiries even as far as my room!
+
+Paddy Byrne alone appears to have taken a philosophical view of his
+position, for he has been drunk ever since we arrived. He usually sleeps
+in the hall, on the stairs, or the lobbies; and although this saves the
+cost of a bedroom, the economy is counterbalanced by occasional little
+reprisals he takes, as stray gentlemen stumble over him with their
+bedroom candles. At such moments he smashes lamps and china ornaments,
+for which his wages will require a long sequestration to clear off. And
+now a word about home. Our English tenant, you tell me, is getting
+tired of Dodsborough; we guessed how it would be already. "He thinks the
+people lazy"! Ask him, did he ever try to cut turf, with two meals of
+wet potatoes per diem? "They are bigoted and superstitious too." How
+much better would they be if they knew all about Lord Rosse's telescope?
+"They won't give up their old barbarous ways." Is n't that the very
+boast of the Conservative party? Is n't that what Disraeli is preaching
+every day and every hour?--"Fall back upon this,--fall back upon
+that,--think of the spirit of your ancestors." Now they say, our
+ancestors yoked their horses by the tails to save a harness. It's rather
+hard that all the "progress," as they call it, must begin with the poor.
+It's a dead puzzle to me, Tom, to explain one thing. All the moralists,
+from the earliest ages, keep crying up humility, and telling you that
+true nobility of soul consists in self-denial and moderation, simple
+tastes, and so on; and yet, what is the great reproach they bring
+against Paddy? Is n't it that he is satisfied with the potato? There's
+the head and front of his offence. That he does n't want beef, like the
+Englishman,--nor soup and three courses, like "Mounseer"--nor sauerkraut
+and roast veal, like a German; "cups and cold water" being the food of a
+fellow that could thrash the whole three of them all round, and think it
+mighty good fun besides.
+
+Poor Dan used to say that he was the best abused man in Europe: but
+I 'll tell you that the potato is the best abused vegetable in the
+universal globe. From the "Times" down to the Scotch farmers, it's one
+hue-and-cry after it,--"The filthy root"--"The disgusting tuber,"--"The
+source of all Irish misery,"--"The father of famine, and mother of
+fever,"--on they go, blackguarding the only food of the people, till at
+last, as if it were a judgment on their bad tongues, it took to rot in
+the ground, and left us with nothing to eat. Now, Tom, you know as well
+as myself, Ireland is not a wheat country; it's one year in three that
+we can raise a crop of it; for our climate is as treacherous as the
+English Government. I hope you would n't have us live on oats, like the
+Scotch; nor on Indian com, like the savages; so what is there like the
+potato? And then, how easy the culture, and how simple the cookery! It
+does well in every soil, and agrees well with every constitution.
+It feeds the peasant, it fattens the pig, it rears the children, and
+supports the chickens. What can compare with that?
+
+Do you know that there's no cant of the day annoys me more than that cry
+about model farming, and green crops, and rotations, and subsoiling, and
+so on. The whole ingenuity of mankind would seem devoted to ascertaining
+how much a bullock can eat, and how little will feed a laborer.
+Stuff one and starve the other, and you may be the President of an
+Agricultural Society, and Chairman of your Union. What treatises we have
+upon stock, and improving the breed of boars! Will you tell me who ever
+thought of turning the same attention to the condition of the people?
+and I'm sure, if you go into the county Galway, you 'll soon acknowledge
+that they need it. "Look at that lanky pig," calls out the Scotch
+steward, in derision; "his snout and his legs are fit for a greyhound!"
+But I say, "Look at Paddy, there. His neck is shrivelled and knotted,
+like an old vine-tree; his back rounded, and his legs crooked; all for
+want of care and nourishment. Is all your sympathy to be kept for the
+sheep, and have you none for the shepherd?"
+
+I made some memorandums for you about Belgian farming, but Mary Anne
+curled her hair with them. It's no loss to you, however, for their
+system would n't do with us. Small tenures and spade husbandry do mighty
+well here, because there are great cities within a few miles of each
+other, and agriculture takes somewhat the character of market gardening;
+but their success would be far different were there long distances to be
+traversed with the produce.
+
+This country is certainly prospering; but I 'm not so certain that it
+can continue to do so.' Their industry is now stimulated to a high state
+of productiveness, because they are daily extending their railroads; but
+there must come an end to that, and it strikes me that a country that
+only deals with itself is pretty much what the adage says of the "man
+that is his own doctor." They are now, however, enjoying what your
+political economists all agree in pronouncing to be the great test of
+prosperity. Everything has nearly doubled in price: house rent, meat,
+vegetables, wages, clothes, luxuries of all kind, and, of course,
+taxation. I own to you I never clearly understood this problem; it
+always seemed to me as if a whole population took to walk upon stilts,
+for the pleasure of thinking themselves nine feet high.
+
+These matters put me in mind of Vickars. I now see that I was wrong in
+not going over to the election. His tone is quite changed, and he writes
+to me as if I were a deputation from the distressed hand-loom weavers.
+He acknowledges mine of the 5th ult, and he deplores, and regrets, and
+feels constrained to remind me, and so on, ending with being "humble and
+obedient,"--two things that I believe his own mother never found him.
+The fact is, Tom, he's in Parliament, and he is a Lord of the Treasury,
+and he does n't care a brass farthing for one of us. Do you remark how
+the Ministerial papers praise the Government for promoting Irishmen?
+It is not on the ground of their superior capacity for office, their
+readiness and natural ability. Nothing of the kind; it is simply the
+unbounded generosity of the administration, and perhaps as a proof of
+their humility! They put an Irishman in the Cabinet, just as the Roman
+Conqueror took a slave in his chariot, to show that they don't intend to
+forget themselves!
+
+I wish "Punch" would make a picture of it. Pat with his pipe in his
+mouth beside the Premier; the roguish leer of the eye, the careless ease
+of his crossed legs, and smallclothes open at the knee, would be a grand
+contrast to the high-bred air of his companion.
+
+Don't bother me any more about the salmon weirs; make the best bargain
+you can, and I 'll be satisfied. It appears to me, however, the more
+laws we have, the less fish we catch. In my father's time there was no
+legislation at all, and salmon was a penny a pound. The fish seem to
+hate Acts of Parliament just as much as ourselves. And, talking of that,
+I 'm glad we 're out of our scrape with the Yankees.
+
+Depend upon it, all the cod that ever was salted would n't pay for
+one collision. It would n't be like any other war, Tom, for French
+and Russians, Austrians and Italians, have each their separate
+peculiarities,--giving certain advantages in certain situations; but
+we--that is, English and Americans--fight exactly in the same way.
+Each knows every dodge of the other,--long sixty-fives and thirty-twos,
+boarders, riflemen, riggers,--all alike. It 's the old story of the
+Kilkenny cats, and I'm greatly afraid our "tail" would be nearly as much
+mauled as Jonathan's.
+
+The longer I live, the nearer I find myself drawing to these Yankees;
+and I 've some notion of going over there to have a look at them. They
+tell me that the worst thing about them is the air of gravity, even of
+depression, that prevails,--a strange fault, considering how many Irish
+there are amongst them; but I suppose Paddy is like the rest of the
+world, and he loses his fun when he gets prosperous. There was Tom
+Martin, that went our circuit, and there was n't as pleasant a fellow
+at the bar till he got into business. There was no good asking him
+to dinner after that; as he owned himself, "he kept his jokes for his
+clients." Now, there may be something like this the case in America; at
+all events, Tom, I 'd have one advantage there,--I 'd know the language,
+what I 'm never likely to do here; not but I'm doing my best every day
+at the _table d'hôte_; occasionally, perhaps, with some sacrifice of the
+"propers;" but as a foreigner is too polite to laugh, the stranger has
+little chance to learn. For my own part, I 'd rather they 'd tell me
+when I was wrong, and give me some hope of going right I 'd think it
+more friendly of a man to say, "Kenny Dodd, you 're going into a hole,"
+than if he smiled and simpered, and assured me that I was in the middle
+of the path, and getting on beautifully.
+
+And there isn't any good-nature in it; not a bit. It's not
+good-heartedness, nor kindness, nor amiability. I don't believe a word
+of it; because the chap that does it isn't thinking of you at all,--he
+'s only minding himself; he 's fancying how he 's delighting you, or
+captivating your wife or your sister-in-law; or, if it's a woman, she
+wants to fascinate or make a fool of you.
+
+The real and essential difference between us and all foreigners is that
+they are always thinking of what effect they are producing; they never
+for a single moment forget that there is an audience. Now we, on the
+contrary, never remember it. Life with them is a drama, in all the blaze
+of wax-lights and a crowded house; with us, it's a day-rehearsal, and
+we slip about, mumbling our parts, getting through the performance,
+unmindful of all but our own share in it.
+
+More than half of what is attributed to rudeness and unsociality in us,
+springs out of the simple fact that we do not care to obtrude even our
+politeness when there seems no need of it. _Our_ civilities are like a
+bill of exchange, that must represent value one day or other. _Theirs_
+are like the gilt markers on a card-table: they have a look of money
+about them, but are only counterfeit. Perhaps this may explain why our
+women like the Continent so much better than ourselves. All this mock
+interchange of courtesy amuses and interests _them_; it only worries
+_us_.
+
+To come back to Vickars. He 'll do nothing for James. His "own list is
+quite full;" he "has mentioned his name," he says, "to the Secretary for
+the Colonies," and will speak of him "at the Home Office." But I know
+what that means. The party is safe for the present, and don't need our
+dirty voices for many a day to come. It's distressing me to find out
+what to do with him. Can you get me any real information about the gold
+diggings? Is it a thing that would suit him? His mother, I know well,
+would never consent to the notion of his working with his hands; but,
+upon my conscience, if it's his head he's to depend on, he'll fare
+worse! He is very good-looking, six foot one and a half, strong as a
+young bull; and to ride an unbroken horse, drive a fresh team, to shoot
+a snipe, or book a salmon, I 'll back him against the field. I hear,
+besides, he 's a beautiful cue at billiards. But what's the use of all
+these at the Board of Trade, if he had even the luck to get there?
+Many 's the time I 've heard poor old Lord Kilmahon say that an Irish
+education was n't worth a groat for England; and I now see the force of
+the remark.
+
+Not but he 's working hard every day, with French and fortification and
+military surveying, with a fine old officer that served in the wars of
+the Empire,--Captain de la Bourdonaye,--a regular old soldier of Bony's
+day, that hates the English as much as any Irishman going. He comes and
+sits with me now and then of an evening, but there 's not much society
+in it, since we can't understand each other. We have a bottle of rum and
+some cigars between us, and our conversation goes on somewhat in this
+fashion:--
+
+"Help yourself, Mounseer."
+
+A grin and bow, and something mumbled between his teeth.
+
+"Take a weed?"
+
+We smoke.
+
+"James is getting on well, I hope? Mon fils James improving, eh? Grand
+general one of these days, eh?"
+
+"Oui, oui." Fills and drinks.
+
+"Another Bonaparte, I suppose?"
+
+"Ah! le grand homme" Wipes his eyes, and looks up to the ceiling.
+
+"Well, we thrashed him for all that! Faith, we made him dance in Spain
+and Portugal. What do you say to Talavera and Vittoria?"
+
+Swears like a trooper, and rattles out whole volumes of French, with
+gestures that are all but blows. I wait till it 's over, and just say
+"Waterloo!"
+
+This nearly drives him crazy, and he forgets to put water in his glass;
+and off he goes about Waterloo in a way that's dreadful to look at. I
+suppose, if I understood him, I 'd break his neck; but as I don't, I
+only go on saying "Waterloo" at intervals; but every time I utter it,
+he has to blow off the steam again. When the rum is finished, he usually
+rushes out of the room, gnashing his teeth, and screaming something
+about St. Helena. But it 's all over the next day, and he 's as polite
+as ever when we meet,--grins, and hands me his tin snuff-box with the
+air of an emperor. They 're a wonderful people, Tom; and though they 'd
+murder you, they 'd never forget to make a bow to your corpse.
+
+You may imagine, from what I tell you, that I am very lonely here; and
+so I am. I never meet anybody I can speak to; I never see any newspaper
+I can read! I eat things without knowing the names of them, or, what's
+worse, what they are; and all this I must do for economy, while I could
+live for less than one-half the expense at Dodsburough!
+
+Mary Anne has just come to say that the doctors are agreed Mrs. D. must
+be removed; the noise of the town will destroy her. My only surprise is
+that she did n't discover it sooner. They speak of a place called Chaude
+Fontaine, seven miles away, and of a little watering-place called Spa.
+But I 'll not budge an inch till I have all the particulars, for I know
+well they 're all dying to be at the old work again,--tea-parties,
+and hired horses, and polkas, in the evening, and the rest of it. Lord
+George has arrived at Liège, and I would n't be astonished if he was at
+the bottom of it all; not but he behaved well in James's business. To
+deal with a Jew there 's nothing in the world like one of your young
+sprigs of nobility! Moses does n't care a bulrush for you or me; but
+when he hears of a Lord Charles or Lord Augustus, he alters his tone.
+It is that class which supplies his customers, and he dares not outrage
+them.
+
+I wish you saw the way he managed our friend Lazarus! He would n't look
+into his statement, read one of his accounts, or even bestow a glance at
+the bills.
+
+"I 'm up to all those dodges, Lazzy," said he; "it's no use coming that
+over _me_. What 'll you do it for?"
+
+"Ah, my good Lord Shorge, you know better as me, that we cannot give
+away our moneys. Here are all the bills--"
+
+"Don't care for that, Lazzy,--won't look at 'em. What 'll you do it
+for?"
+
+"If I lend my moneys at a fair per shent--"
+
+"Well, what's the figure to be? Say it at once, or I'm off."
+
+"You 'll shurely look at my claims--"
+
+"Not one of them."
+
+"Nor the bills."
+
+"No."
+
+"Nor the vouchers?"
+
+"No."
+
+"Oh dear! oh dear! how hard you are grown; and you so young and so
+handsome, so little like--"
+
+"Never mind the resemblance, but answer me. How much?"
+
+"It 's impossible, my Lord Shorge!" "Will two hundred do? Well, two
+fifty?" "No, nor twelve fifty, my Lord. I will have my claim." "That 's
+what I want to come at, Lazzy. How much?" This process goes on for half
+an hour, without any apparent result on either side; when, at last, Lord
+George, taking out his pocket-book, proceeds to count various bank-notes
+on the table. The effect is magical; the sight of the money melts
+Lazarus,--he hesitates, and gives in. Of course his compliance does not
+cost him much; fifty per cent is the very lowest we escape for! But even
+at this, Tom, our bargain is a good one.
+
+I see it all, Tom; they are bent on getting to a watering-place, and
+that's exactly the very thing I won't stand. Our Irish notions on these
+subjects are all taken from Bundoran, or Kilkee, or Dunmore, or some
+such localities; and where, to say the least, there is not a great deal
+to find fault with. Tiresome they are enough; and, after a week or so,
+one gets wearied of always walking over ankles in deep sand,
+listening to the plash of the tide, or the less musical squall of some
+half-drowned baby, or sitting on a rock to watch some miraculous draught
+of fishes, that is sure to be sent off some twenty miles into the
+interior. These, and occasional pictorial studies of your acquaintances,
+in all the fascinations of oil-skin caps and wet drapery, tire at last.
+But they are cheap pleasures, Tom; and, as the world goes, that is
+something.
+
+Now, from all I can learn, for I know nothing of them myself, your
+foreign watering-place is just a big city taking an airing. The
+self-same habits of dress, late hours, play, dancing, debt, and
+dissipation; the great difference being that wickedness is cultivated in
+straw hats and Russia-duck, instead of its more conventional costume of
+black coat and trousers! From my own brief experience of life, I think a
+garden by moonlight is just as dangerous as a conservatory with colored
+lamps; and a polka in public is less perilous than a mountain excursion,
+even on donkeys! They 'll not catch me at that game, Tom!
+
+I have just discovered in "Cochrane's Guide"--for I have burned my "John
+Murray"--the very place to suit me,--Bonn on the Rhine. He says it has
+a pleasant appearance, and contains 1,300 houses and 15,000 inhabitants,
+and that the Star, kept by one Schmidt, is reasonable, and that
+he speaks English, and takes in the "Galignani,"--two evidences of
+civilization not to be despised.
+
+I think I see you smile; but that's the fact,--we come abroad to hunt
+after somebody we can talk to, or find a newspaper we can read, making
+actual luxuries of what we had every day at home for nothing.
+
+Besides these, Bonn has a university, and that will be a great thing for
+James, and masters of various kinds for the girls; but, better than all
+this, there's no society, no balls, no dinners, no theatre. The only
+places of public amusement are the Cathedral and the Anatomy House; and
+even Mrs. D. will be puzzled to get up a jinketing in them.
+
+I 'll write to Schmidt this evening about rooms, and I 'll show him that
+we are not to be "done," like your newly arrived Bulls; for I won't pay
+more than "four-and-six" a head for dinner; and plenty it is too. I
+wish we could have remained here; but now that the doctors have decided
+against it, there's no help. It is not that I liked the place,--Heaven
+knows I have no right to be pleased with it,--but I 'll tell you one
+great advantage about it: it was actually "breaking them all in to
+hate the Continent;" another month of this tinkering din, this tiresome
+_table d'hote_, and wearisome existence, and I 'd wager a trifle they 'd
+agree to any terms to get away. You 'd not believe your eyes if you saw
+how they are altered. The girls so thin, and no color in their cheeks;
+James as lank as a greyhound, and always as if half asleep; and myself,
+pluffy and full and short-winded, irascible about everything, and always
+thirsty, without anything wholesome to drink. But I 'd bear it all, Tom,
+for the result, or for what I at least expect the result would be. I
+'d submit to it like a course of physic, looking to the cure for my
+recompense.
+
+Shall I now tell you, Tom, that I have my misgivings about Mrs. D.'s
+illness? I was passing the lobby last night, and I heard her laughing
+as heartily as ever she did in her life, though it was only two hours
+before she had sent down for the man of the house to witness her will.
+To be sure, she always does make a will whenever she takes to bed; but
+this time she went further, and had a grand leave-taking of us all,
+which I only escaped by being wrapped up in blankets, under the
+"influence," as the doctors call it, of "tartarized antimony," of which
+I partook, to satisfy her scruples, before she would taste it. If I have
+to perform much longer as a pilot balloon, Tom, I 'm thinking I 'm very
+likely to explode.
+
+As for one word of truth from the doctors, I 'm not such a fool as to
+expect it. The priest or the physician that attends your wife always
+seems to regard _you_ as a natural enemy. If he happen to be well bred,
+he conducts himself with all the observance due to a distinguished
+opponent; but no confidence, Tom,--nothing candid. He never forgets that
+he is engaged for the "opposite party."
+
+Your foreign doctor, too, is a dreadful animal. He has not the bland
+look, the soft smile, the noiseless slide, the snowy shirt-frill, and
+the tender squeeze of the hand, of our own fellows, every syllable of
+whose honeyed lips seems like a lenitive electuary made vocal. He is a
+mean, scrubby, little, damp-looking chap, not unlike the bit of dirty
+cotton in the bottom of an ink-bottle, the incarnation of black draught
+and a bitter mixture. He won't poison you, however, for his treatment
+ranges between dill-water and syrup of gum; in fact, to use the
+expressive phrase of the French, he only comes to "assist" at your
+death, and not to cause it. I have remarked that homoopathic fellows
+are more attentive to the outward man than the others, whatever be
+the reason. Their beards and whiskers are certainly not cut on the
+infinitesimal principle, and, assuredly, flattery is one of the
+medicaments they never administer in small doses. By the way, Tom, I
+wish this same theory could be applied to the distresses of a man's
+estate as well as that of his body. It would be a right comfortable
+thing to pay off one's mortgagees with fractional parts of a halfpenny,
+and get rid of one's creditors on the "decillionth" scale.
+
+I have now finished my paper, and I have just discovered that I have not
+answered one of your questions about home affairs; but, after all, does
+it matter much, Tom? Things in Ireland go their own way, however we may
+strive to direct and control them. In fact, I am half disposed to think
+we ought to manage our business on the principle that our countryman
+drove his pig,--turning his head towards Cork because he wanted him to
+go to Fermoy! Look at us at this moment. We never were so thoroughly
+divided as since we have enjoyed the benefits of a united education!
+
+If Tullylicknaslatterley must be sold, see that it is soon done; for
+if we put it off till November, the boys will be shooting somebody, or
+doing some infernal folly or other, that will take five years off the
+purchase-money. These Manchester fellows are always so terrified at
+what is called an outrage! Sure, if they had the least knowledge of the
+doctrine of chances, they 'd see that the estate where a man was shot
+was exactly the place there would be no more mischief for many a year to
+come. The only spot where accidents are always recurring is the drop in
+front of a jail.
+
+Try and persuade the Englishman to take Dodsborough for another year.
+Tell him Ireland is looking up, prices are improving, &c. If he be
+Hibernian in his leanings, show him how teachable Paddy is,--how
+disposed to learn, and how grateful for instruction. If he be bitten
+by the "Times," tell him that the Irish are all emigrating, and that in
+three years there will neither be a Pat, a priest, nor a potato to be
+seen. As old Fitzgibbon used to say on our circuit, "I wish I had a
+hundred pounds to argue it either way!"
+
+I can manage to keep afloat for a couple of weeks, but be sure to remit
+me something by that time.
+
+Yours, ever sincerely,
+
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XIV. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQ., TRINITY COLLEGE, DUBLIN.
+
+Liège, Tuesday Morning.
+
+My dear Bob,--A thousand pardons for not answering either of your two
+last letters. It was not, believe me, that I have not felt the most
+sincere interest in all that you tell me about yourself and your doings.
+Far from it: I finished two bottles of Hock in honor of your Science
+Premium, and I have called a short-tailed hack Bob, after you, though,
+unfortunately, she happens to be a mare.
+
+Mine has been rather a varied kind of existence since I wrote last. A
+little in the draught-board style, only that the black checkers have
+rather predominated! I got "hit hard" at the Brussels races, lost twelve
+hundred at écarté, and had some ugly misadventures arising out of a too
+liberal use of my autograph. The governor, however, has stumped up, and
+though the whole affair was serious enough at one time, I fancy that we
+are at length over the stiff country, and with nothing but grass fields
+and light cantering laud before us.
+
+The greatest inconvenience of the whole has been that we 've been laid
+up here, "dismasted and in ordinary," for the last three weeks, during
+which my mother has made a steeple-chase through the Pharmacopoeia, and
+the governor finished all the Schiedam in the town. In fact, there
+has been nothing very serious the matter with her; but as we left the
+capital under rather unpleasant circumstances, we came in here to "blow
+off our steam," and cool down to a reasonable temperature. To reduce the
+budget and retrench expenditure, the choice was probably not a bad one,
+since we are housed, fed, and done for on the most reasonable terms; but
+the place is a perfect disgust, and there is actually nothing for a man
+to do, except to poke into steam-engines and prove gun-barrels.
+
+As for me, I never leave my room from breakfast till _table d'hôte_
+hour. My French master comes at eleven and stays till four. This sounds
+all very diligent and studious, and so thinks the governor, Bob. The
+real state of the case is, however, different. The distinguished
+officer of the Old Guard engaged to instruct me in military science and
+mathematics is an old hairdresser, who combines with his functions
+of barber the honorable duties of _laquais de place_ and police spy,
+occasionally taking a turn at the "scholastic" whenever he is lucky
+enough to find any English illiterate enough to be his dupes. The
+governor heard of him from the master of the hotel, and took him
+especially for his cheapness. Such is the Captain de la Bourdonaye, who
+swaggers upstairs every morning with a red ribbon in his button-hole,
+and a curling-iron in his pocket; for I take good care, Bob, that as
+he cannot furnish the inside of my head, he shall at least decorate it
+without.
+
+I must say this is a most nefarious old rascal, and I have heard of more
+villany from him than I ever knew before. He knows all the scandal and
+gossip of the town, and retails it with an almost diabolical raciness.
+As I have already made use of him in various ways, we are bound to each
+other in the very heaviest of recognizances. He brought me yesterday a
+note from Lord George, who had just arrived here, but judged better not
+to see me till he had called on the governor. The Captain was once
+Lord G.'s courier, and, I believe, the chief mentor of his earlier
+Continental experiences.
+
+Lord George has behaved like a trump to me. He has brought away from
+Brussels all my traps, which, in the haste of my retreat, I had fancied
+fallen into the hands of the enemy. The brown mare Bob, a neatish
+dennet, two sets of single harness, a racing saddle, a lady's
+ditto, three chests of toggery, all my pipes and canes, and a
+bull-terrier,--the whole of which would have to-day been the chattels of
+Lazarus, had not Lord G. made out a bill of sale of them to himself, and
+got two "respectable" advocates to swear they were witnesses to it. The
+fun of this is, Lazarus saw all the knavery, and Tiverton never denied
+it! The most rascally transactions are dashed with such an air
+of frankness and candor, that, hang me! if one can regard them
+as transportable offences! I know all this would be infamous in
+England,--it would n't be quite right even in Ireland, Bob,--but here we
+are abroad, and the latitude warps morality just as the vicinity to the
+pole affects the compass.
+
+I have learned from Lord George that there are to be races at a place
+called Spa, about twelve miles off, and that if Bob were in training we
+might do a good thing among "les gentlemen riders," who certainly ride
+like neither gents nor jocks. George slipped his knee-cap at a gate the
+other day, and cannot ride; and how I am to get away from this for an
+entire day without the governor's knowledge, is more than I can see. I
+have told the Captain, however, that he must manage it somehow, or I
+'ll turn king's evidence and betray him; so that the case is not yet
+hopeless. Bob is exactly the kind of thing to walk into these fellows.
+She 's very nearly thoroughbred, but has a cock-tailed look about her,
+and, with a hogged mane and a short dock, is only, to all appearance,
+a clever hackney. I know well that these foreigners have got first-rate
+cattle,--they buy the very best of horses, and the smartest carriages of
+London; but what avails it? They can neither ride nor drive! They curb
+up a thoroughbred so that he 's thrown clean out of his stride, and they
+clap the saddle on his withers so that he is certain to come smash down
+if he tries to cross a furrow. You can imagine what hands they have,
+when I tell you that they all hold on by the head! Lord G., however, who
+knows them well, says that there 's no use in bringing over a good horse
+against them. They are confoundedly cautious, and what they lack in
+skill they make up in cunning; and if they heard of anything that ran
+second at Goodwood or Chester, they 'd "shut up" at once. It's only a
+"dodge" will do, he says, and I am certain nobody knows better than he
+does.
+
+Whenever they get pluck enough for hurdle-racing, there will be some
+money to be picked up abroad; but the prosperity won't last, for when
+one fellow breaks his neck there will be an end of it.
+
+I 'll not close this till I can tell you the success of our scheme for
+the races. Meanwhile to your questions, which, to make short work of, I
+'ll answer all at once. It's all very fine to talk about studying, and
+the learned professions; but how many succeed in them? Three or four
+swells carry off the stakes, and the rest are nowhere! Let me tell you,
+Bob, that the fellows that really do best in life never knew trade nor
+profession, except you can call Tattersall's yard a lecture-room, and
+short-whist a calling. There 's Collingwood 's got two hundred thousand
+with his wife; Upton, he 's netted thirty on the last Derby, and stands
+to win at least twelve more on the Spring Meeting. Brook--Shallow Brook,
+as you used to call him at school--has been deep enough to break the
+bank at Hamburg! I just wish you 'd show me one of your University dons
+who could do any one of the three! If it came to a trial of wits, the
+heads of houses would n't have houses over their heads. Believe me, Bob,
+the poet was right,--"The proper study of mankind is man!" and if he
+add thereto a little knowledge of horseflesh, there's no fear of him in
+this life!
+
+Look at the thing in another light too. The Church is only open to the
+Protestants; the bar is, then, the sole profession with great rewards;
+for as to the army and navy, they may do to spend money in and leave
+when you 're sick of them, but nothing else. Now the bar is awful
+labor,--ten or twelve hours a day for three or four years, as many more
+in a special pleader's office, six years after that reporting for the
+newspapers; and, perhaps, after three or four struggling terms you drop
+off out of the course altogether, and are only heard of as writing a
+threatening letter to Lord John Russell, or as our "own Correspondent at
+Tahiti"!
+
+As to physic, "I throw it to the dogs." It's not a gentlemanly calling!
+So long as a fellow can rout you out of bed at night for a guinea, it's
+all nonsense to talk about independence. Your doctor has n't even the
+cabman's privilege to higgle for a trifle more. Real liberty, Bob,
+consists in having no craft whatsoever. Like the free lances in the
+sixteenth century, take a turn of service wherever it suits you, but
+wear no man's livery. As Lord George remarks, whenever a fellow takes
+to that line of life the men are all afraid, and the women all delighted
+with him; he's so sure with his pistol and so lax in his principles,
+nothing obstructs his progress.
+
+This same glorious independence I am like enough to attain, since up
+to this moment I am a perfect gentleman, according to Lord George's
+definition; nor could I, by any means that I know of, support myself for
+twenty-four hours. You would probably remark that so blank a prospect
+ought to alarm me. Not a bit of it! I never felt more thoroughly
+confident and at ease than now as I write these lines. George's theory
+is this: Life is a round game, with some skill and a vast amount
+of hazard; the majority of the players are dupes, who, some from
+inattention, some from deficient ability, and others, again, from utter
+indifference, are easy victims to the few shrewd and clever fellows that
+never neglect a chance, and who know when to back their luck. "Do not be
+too eager," says George,--"do not be over-anxious to play, but just walk
+about and watch the game for a year or so, and only cut in when it suits
+you. By that time you have mastered the peculiar style of every man's
+play. You are up to all their weaknesses, and aware of where their
+strength lies; and if you can only afford to lose a little cash yourself
+at the start, and pass for a pigeon, your fortune is made!" This, of
+course, is but a sorry sketch of his system; for, after all, it requires
+his own dashing description, his figurative manner, and his flow of
+illustration, to make the thing intelligible. He is, in reality, a
+first-rate fellow, and may be what he chooses. All that I know of life I
+owe to his teaching; and I own to you I was in the "lowest form" when he
+began with me.
+
+The only thing that distresses me now, is the fear that Vickars
+may yield to the governor's solicitations, and give or get me
+something,--some confounded official appointment that would shut me up
+all day in a Government office, on mayhap one hundred and twenty per
+annum, with a promised increase of ten pounds when I attain the age of
+fifty. I 'd nearly as soon be in the hulks as the Home Office, and I 'm
+certain that pounding oyster-shells is just as intellectual, and a far
+more salubrious occupation than _précis_ writing! The dread of such a
+destiny has induced me to take a rather bold step, and one which it
+is possible you will not exactly approve of. I have written myself a
+"private and strictly confidential" note to Vickars, to say that my
+father's application to him on my behalf never had my sanction nor
+approval; that I despise the Board of Trade, and hold the Customs
+uncommon cheap; and that although there are some gentlemen in what they
+call the diplomatic service, that all the juniors are snobs, and the
+grade above them--what George calls snoozers--old red-tapery fellows,
+that label their washing-bills "soap question," and send out their boots
+to be new soled in an old despatch-bag.
+
+I have added a few lines, by way of showing that my repugnance does not
+proceed from any disinclination to exertion or an active life, that I am
+quite ready to accept of a commission in the Guards, or any good post
+in the household, where my natural advantages might be seen and
+appreciated.
+
+I have not told Lord George about this, because he is tremendously
+opposed to my taking anything like office. He says it's not only "bad
+style," but a positive throwing away of oneself; since, whenever they do
+get a regularly clever fellow amongst them, they always keep him in some
+subordinate position. "They 'll just treat you the way they did Edmund
+Burke," he says; and though I'm not aware how that was, I am quite
+satisfied that it was a rascally shame! Our name, too, I own to you, in
+all frankness, is awfully against us. Lord George has advised me over
+and over to add a syllable or two to it; so I should, perhaps, if I were
+not living with the governor; but for the present I must submit.
+
+The Captain has just dropped in to tell me that all is arranged,--I am
+to have a fearful toothache, and be confined to bed for two days; and
+this, with heavy blankets and nitre whey, will take at least seven
+pounds off me. The governor is to be seduced into an excursion, to see
+the works of Seraing. We have contrived to have his card of admission
+dated for a particular day, and the hackney coachman has been bribed to
+break down on the way home, and detain him several hours. Lord George is
+to have a drag ready for me at the outside of Liège at eight o'clock
+and I hope to figure on the course by twelve! Mary Anne alone is in the
+secret. I was obliged to tell her, since without her aid I should have
+had no jacket; but she has cut up a splendid green satin of my mother's,
+which, with white sleeves and cap to match, will turn me out rather
+smart, and national to boot. Bob is already gone, and has had her
+canters for the last four mornings, so that who knows but that we shall
+do something?
+
+You describe to me the trepidation of heart you felt on going up for
+honors at college,--the fits of heat and cold, the tremblings, the
+sighings, the throbbings, and faintish-ness; trust me, Bob, it's all
+nothing to what one experiences on the eve of a race! _Your_ contest
+is conducted in secret; your success or failure is witnessed by a few;
+_ours_ is an open tournament, with thousands of spectators, who are,
+or who at least fancy that they are, most competent judges of the
+performance; and if it be a glorious thing to come sweeping past the
+grand stand amidst the vociferous cheers of a mighty host, to catch the
+fitful glance of waving hats and floating handkerchiefs as you dash by,
+it is a sorry affair to come hobbling along dead-lame or broke down,
+three hundred yards behind, greeted only by the scoffs of the multitude
+and the jokes of the greasy populace.
+
+Which of these fortunes is to be mine you shall hear before I seal this
+epistle; and now, for the present, adieu!
+
+
+Friday Evening I have just an hour before the post closes to announce to
+you my safe return here, though I greatly doubt if my swelled and still
+trembling fingers will make me legible. We started at cock-crow, and
+reached Spa for an early breakfast, having "tooled along" with a spicy
+tandem the thirteen miles in an hour. Before eight o'clock I had taken
+a hot bath, and reduced my weight nine pounds, having taken seven rounds
+of the race-course in a heavy fur pelisse of Lord George's. Twenty
+minutes more toiling, and some hot lemonade, completed my training, and
+left me by twelve o'clock somewhat groggy in gait and white about the
+gills, and, as George said, very much like a chicken boiled down for
+broth!
+
+Our game was not to bet on the general race, but to look on as mere
+spectators and see what could be done in a private match. This was not
+so easy, since these Belgian fellows were so intent on the "Liège St.
+Léger" and the "Spa Derby," and twenty other travesties of the like
+kind, that they would not listen to anything but what sounded at least
+like English sport. We had therefore to wait with all due patience
+for their tiresome races,--"native horses and native jockeys," as the
+printed programme very needlessly informed us. "Flemish mares and fat
+riders" would have been the suitable description.
+
+I had almost despaired of doing anything, when near five o'clock George
+came up to say that he had made a match for a hundred Naps, a side,--Bob
+against Bronchitis, twice round the course,--I to ride my own horse,
+and Count Amédée de Kaerters the other, he giving me twelve pounds and
+a distance. Not too much odds, I assure you, since Bronchitis is out of
+Harpsichord by a Bay Middleton mare.
+
+Before I had reached the stand, George had made a very pretty book,
+taking five, and even seven to two, against Bob, and an even fifty
+on her being distanced. Still I was far from comfortable when I saw
+Bronchitis; a splendid-looking horse, with a great slapping stride,
+light about the head, and strong in the quarters; just the kind of horse
+that wants no riding whatever, only to be let do his own work his own
+way.
+
+"The mare can't gallop with that horse, George!" said I, in a whisper.
+"She 'll never see him after the first time round!"
+
+"I'm half afraid of that," said he, in the same low voice. "They told me
+he wasn't all right, but he's in top condition. We must see what's to
+be done." He smoked his cigar quite coolly for a minute or two, and then
+said, "Ah, here comes the Count! I have it, 'Jim!'"--he always calls me
+"Jim,"--"just mind me, and it will all come right."
+
+I was by no means convinced that everything was so safe, however; and
+had I been possessed of the fifty Naps. required, I should gladly have
+paid the forfeit. Fortunately, as it turned out, I had n't so much
+money; so into the scale I went, my heart being the heaviest spot about
+me!
+
+"Eleven two," said George; "we 'll say eleven."
+
+The Count weighed eleven stone four, which, with his added weight,
+brought him to upwards of twelve stone.
+
+"It's exactly as I suspected," whispered George to me. "The Belgian has
+weighed himself as if he was a gold guinea. He has been so anxious not
+to give you an ounce too much, that he has outwitted himself. All that
+you 've to do, Jim, is, ride at him every now and then; tease and worry
+the fellow wherever you can, and try if you can't take some of that
+loose flesh off him before it's over."
+
+I saw the scheme at once, Bob. I had nothing whatever to do but to save
+my distance to win the race; for it was clearly impossible that the
+Count could go twice round a mile course, and come in as heavy as he
+started.
+
+I must be brief, for my minutes are few. Would that you could have seen
+us going round!--I lying always on his quarter, making a rush whenever
+I got a bit of ugly ground, and, though barely able to keep up with him,
+just being near enough to worry him. He wasn't much of a rider, it is
+true, but he knew quite enough to see that he could run away from me
+whenever he liked; and so he did when he came to the last turn near
+home. Off he went at speed, pitching the mud behind him, and making my
+smart jacket something like a dirty draught-board. It was only by dint
+of incessant spurring and tremendous punishment that I was able to get
+inside the distance-post just as the cheering in front announced to me
+that he had passed the grand stand.
+
+_My_ canter in--for I was so dead-beat it was only a canter--was
+greeted with a universal yell of derision. To have a laugh against the
+Englishman on a race-course was a national triumph of no mean order. "It
+was a 'set-off' against Waterloo," George said.
+
+In I came, splashed, splattered, and scorned, but not crestfallen, Bob,
+for one glance at my victorious rival satisfied me that all was safe.
+The Count was so completely fagged that he could scarcely get down from
+his horse, and when he did so, he staggered like a drunken man.
+
+"Come now, Count, into the scale!" cried Lord George; "show your weight,
+and let us pay our money!"
+
+"I have weighed already," said the other. "I weighed before the start."
+
+"Very true," rejoined George, "but let us see that you are the same
+weight still."
+
+It required considerable explanation and argument to show the justice of
+this proposition, nor was it till a jury of English jocks decided in its
+favor that the Belgians were convinced.
+
+At last he did consent to get into the scale, and to the utter
+wonderment of all but the few English present, it was discovered that he
+had lost something like six pounds, and consequently lost the race.
+
+It was capital fun to see the consternation of the Belgians at the
+announcement. They had been betting with such perfect certainty; they
+had been giving any odds to tempt a wager; and there they were!--"in,"
+as George said, "for a whole pot of money."
+
+While they were counting down the cash, too, George kept assuring them
+that the lesson they had just received was "cheap as dirt;" "that it
+ought by right to have cost them thousands instead of hundreds, but that
+we preferred doing the thing in an amicable way." At such times, I
+must say, George is perfect. He is so cool, so courteous; so apparently
+serious, too, that even his sharpest cuts seem like civil speeches and
+kindly counsel. I never admired him more than when, having bought a
+courier's leather-bag to stuff the gold in, he slung it round his neck,
+and, taking leave of the party with a polite bow, said,--
+
+"There are times, gentlemen, when one goes all the lighter for a little
+additional weight!"
+
+I scarcely remember how we reached Liège. It was almost one roar of
+laughter between us the whole road! And then such plans and schemes for
+the future!
+
+Luck stood by me to the last. I reached home before the governor, and in
+time to resume my bandages and my toothache. Mary Anne had taken care to
+have a very tidy bit of dinner ready; and now, while I sip my Bordeaux,
+I dedicate to you the last moments of my long and eventful day.
+
+I do not ask of you to write to me till you hear again, for there is no
+guessing where I may be this day fortnight. Vickars may possibly respond
+to my request; or I may find some complaisant doctor to order me to a
+distant watering-place, in which case I may get free of the Dodd family,
+who, I own to you, Bob, are a serious drawback on the progress and
+advancement of your
+
+Attached, but now wide-awake friend,
+
+James Dodd.
+
+Dodd père has just come home with a sprained ankle. The scoundrel of
+a coachee overdid his instructions, and upset the "conveniency" into a
+lime-kiln. I suppose I'll have to pay two or three Naps, additional for
+the damage.
+
+One good result, however, has followed: the governor is in such a rage
+that he has determined to leave this tomorrow.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XV. MISS DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN.
+
+My dearest Kitty,--I do not, indeed, deserve your reproaches. Mine is
+not a heart to forget the fondest ties of early affection, nor would
+you charge me with this were you near me. But how can _you_, lying
+peacefully in the calm haven of domestic quiet, "sleeping on your
+shadow," as the poetess says, sympathize with one storm-tossed, and all
+but shipwrecked on the wild, wide ocean of life?
+
+Of the past I cannot trust myself to speak, and I must say, Kitty, if
+there be one lesson which the Continent teaches above all others, it is
+not to go over the bygone. A week ago, in foreign acceptation, is half
+a century; and he who remembers the events of yesterday rather verges
+on being a "bore" for his pains. Probably it is the intensity with which
+they throw themselves into the "present" that imparts to foreigners
+their incontestable superiority in all that constitutes social
+distinction,--their glowing enthusiasm even about what we should call
+trifles,--their ardor to attain what we should deem of little moment!
+
+If you were not to witness it, Kitty, you could n't believe what an
+odious thing your regular untravelled Englishman is. His pride, his
+stiffness, his self-conceit, his contempt for everybody and everything,
+from good breeding to grammar. Contrast him with your pliant Frenchman,
+your courteous German, or your devoted Italian; so smiling and so
+submissive, so grateful for the slightest mark of your favor, that
+you feel all the power of riches in the wealth of your smiles or the
+resources of your wit!
+
+And they are so ingenious in discovering your perfections! It is not
+alone the rich color of your hair, the arch of your eyebrow, or the
+symmetry of your instep, Kitty, but even the secret workings of your
+fancy, the fitful playings of your imagination: these they understand
+by a kind of magic. I really believe that the reason Englishmen do
+not comprehend women is that they despise and look down upon them.
+Foreigners, on the other hand, adore and revere them! There is a kind of
+worship paid to the sex abroad that is most fascinating.
+
+One reason for all this may be that in England there are so many roads
+to ambition quite separated from female influence. Now, here this is
+not the case. We are everything abroad, Kitty. Political, literary,
+artistic, fashionable,--as we will. We can be fascinating and go
+everywhere, or exclusive and only admit a chosen few. We can be deep
+in all the secrets of State, and exhausted with all the cares of the
+cabinet, or can be _lionnes_, and affect cigars and men society, talk
+scandal and _coulisses_, wear all the becoming caprices of costume, and
+be even more than men in independence.
+
+I see--or I fancy that I see--your astonishment at all that I am telling
+you, and that you half exclaim, "Where and how did Mary Anne learn all
+this?" I 'll tell you, my dearest Kitty, since even the expansion of
+heart to my oldest friend is not sweeter to me than the enjoyment of
+speaking of one whose very name is already a spell to me.
+
+You must know, then, that after various incidents, too numerous to
+recount, we left Brussels for Liège, where poor mamma was taken so ill
+that we were forced to remain several weeks. This, of course, threw
+a gloom over our party, and deprived me of the inestimable pleasure
+I should have felt in visiting the scenes so graphically described in
+Scott's delightful "Quentin Durward." As it was, I did contrive to make
+acquaintance with the old palace of the prince bishops, and brought
+away, as souvenir, a very pretty lace lappet and a pair of gold earrings
+of antique form, which I wanted greatly to suit a _moyen âge_ costume
+that I have just completed, and of which I shall speak hereafter.
+
+Liège, however, did not agree with any of us. Mamma never slept at
+night; papa did little else than sleep day and night; poor James
+overworked himself at study; and Cary and myself grew positively plain!
+so that we started at last for Aix-la-Chapelle, intending to proceed
+direct to the Rhine. On arriving, however, at the "Quatre Saisons"
+Hotel, pa found an excellent stock of port wine, which an Englishman,
+just deceased, had brought over for his own drinking, and he resolved
+to remain while it lasted. There were fortunately only seven dozen, or
+we should not have got away, as we did, in three weeks.
+
+Not that Aix was entirely devoid of amusement. In the morning there is a
+kind of promenade round the bath-house, where you drink a sulphur spa to
+soft music; but, as James says, a solution of rotten eggs in ditch water
+is scarcely palatable, even with Donizetti. After that, you breakfast
+with what appetite you may; then you ride out in large parties of
+fifteen or twenty till dinner, the day being finished with a kind of
+half-dress, or no dress, ball at "the rooms." The rooms, my dear Kitty,
+require a word or two of description. They are a set of six or
+seven _salons_ of considerable size, and no mean pretension as to
+architecture; at least, the ceilings are very handsome, and the
+architraves of doors and windows display a vast deal of ornament, but so
+dirty, so shamefully, shockingly dirty, it is incredible to say! In some
+there are newspapers; in others they talk; in one large apartment there
+is dancing; but the rush and recourse of all seem to two chambers, where
+they play at rouge-et-noir and roulette.
+
+I only took a passing peep at this pandemonium, and was shocked at the
+unshaven and ill-cared-for aspect of the players, who really, to my
+eyes, appeared like persons in great poverty; and, indeed, Lord George
+informs me that the frequenters of this place are a very inferior class
+to those who resort to Ems and Baden.
+
+I was not very sorry to get away from this; for, independently of
+other reasons, pa had made us very remarkable--I had almost said very
+ridiculous--before the first week was over. In order to prevent James
+from frequenting the play-room, papa stationed himself at the door,
+where he sat, with a great stick before him, from twelve o'clock every
+day till the same hour at night,--a piece of eccentricity that of course
+drew public attention to him, and made us all the subject of impertinent
+remarks, and indeed of some practical jokes: such as sudden alarms
+of fire, anonymous letters, and other devices, to seduce him from his
+watch.
+
+It was, therefore, an inexpressible relief to me to hear that we
+were off for Cologne,--that city of sweet waters and a glorious
+cathedral!--though I must own to you, Kitty, that in the first of these
+two attractions the place is disappointing. The manufacturers of the
+far-famed perfume would seem so successfully to have extracted the
+odor of the richly gifted flowers, that they have actually left nothing
+endurable by human nose! Of all the towns in Europe, it is, they tell,
+the very worst in this respect; and even papa, who between snuff and
+nerves long inured to Irish fairs and quarter sessions, is tolerably
+indifferent,--even he said that he felt it "rather close and stuffy."
+
+As for the cathedral, dearest, I have no words to convey my sensations
+of awe, wonderment, and worship. Yes, Kitty, it was a sense of soft
+devotional bewilderment,--a kind of deliciously pious rapture I felt
+come over me, as I sat in a dark recess of this glorious building,
+the rich organ notes pealing through the vaulted aisles, and floating
+upwards towards the fretted roof. Even Lord George--that volatile
+spirit--could not resist the influence of the spot, and he pressed my
+hand in the fervor of his feelings,--a liberty, I need scarcely tell
+you, he never would have ventured on under less exciting circumstances.
+
+Shall I own to you, Kitty, that this sign of emotion on his part
+emboldened me to a step that you will call one of daring heroism? I
+could not, however, resist the temptation of contrasting the solemn
+grandeur and gorgeous sublimity of _our_ Church with the cold,
+unimpressive nakedness of _his_. The theme, the spot, the hour,--all
+seemed to inspire me, Kitty; and I suppose I must have pleaded
+eloquently, for his hand trembled, his head drooped, and almost fell
+upon my shoulder. I told him repeatedly that it was his reason I wished
+to convince,--that I neither desired to captivate his imagination nor
+engage his heart.
+
+"And why not my heart?" cried he, passionately. "Is it that--"
+
+Oh, Kitty, who can tell what he would have said next, if a dirty little
+acolyte had not whisked round the corner and begged of us to move
+away and let him light two tapers beside a skull in a glass case? The
+officious little wretch might, at least, have waited till we had gone
+away; but no, nothing would do for him but he must illuminate his bones
+that very instant, and thus, probably, was lost to me forever the un
+speakable triumph I had all but accomplished.
+
+We arose and set out in search of our party, who were, it appeared,
+in quest of papa: nor was it for two hours that we found him. He had
+ascended the tower with us all, but instead of coming down when we did,
+he took a short turn on the leads, and, finding the door closed on his
+return, remained a prisoner there during all the time we were in search
+of him. There is no saying how much longer he might have passed in this
+captivity--for all his cries and shouts were unheard--had he not hit
+upon an expedient, not entirely devoid of danger, for his rescue. This
+was to tear off any loose tiles he could find, and hurl them over into
+the street beneath. Why and how nobody was killed by it we cannot guess,
+for it is a most crowded thoroughfare, and actually crammed with stalls
+of fruit and vegetables. The buttresses and projections of the cathedral
+probably arrested many of the missiles in their flight; but one, thrown
+I conjecture with extraordinary force, came bang on the roof of the
+archbishop's carriage, just as his Grace had got in, the noise and the
+shock almost depriving him of consciousness! Papa, however, knew nothing
+of all this, and was actually hard at work detaching a lead gutter when
+they rushed up and apprehended him.
+
+[Illustration: 200]
+
+It was almost an hour before we could come to anything like a reasonable
+explanation of the incident, for papa insisted that he was the aggrieved
+person throughout, and raved about his action for false imprisonment.
+The dean of the cathedral demanded a handsome sum for reparation, and
+threw in a sly word about "sacrilege" if we demurred. Mamma, still weak
+and delicate, took to hysterics, while a considerable mob outside gave
+token of preparation to maltreat us on our exit. Under all these adverse
+conjunctures we thought it wiser to remain where we were till night; so
+we sent for something to the hotel, and made ourselves comfortable in
+the sacristan's room, where, the first shock over, we grew both merry
+and happy, Lord G., as usual, being the life of our party, by that
+buoyant exhilaration that really, Kitty, is the first of all nature's
+gifts.
+
+I already guess whither your thoughts are carrying you, Kitty! Have I
+not divined aright? You are calling to mind the night we passed at the
+old windmill at Gariff, when the bridge was earned away by the flood I
+I vow to you it was uppermost in my own thoughts too! It was there Peter
+first told me of his love! Never till that moment had I the slightest
+suspicion of his feeling towards me. I was young, artless, and
+confiding,--a mere child of nature! Indeed, I must say that he was not
+blameless in taking the advantage he did of my fresh and unsuspecting
+heart! What knew I of the world? How could I anticipate the position I
+was yet to hold in society, or how measure the degree of presumption by
+which he aspired to my hand?
+
+He has many excellent qualities of head and heart. I do not deny it; but
+the deceit he thus practised on me I can never forget I do not desire
+that you should tell him so. No, Kitty. The likelihood is that we may
+never meet again; and I do not wish that one harsh thought should
+mar the memory of the past! It may be that at some future time I can
+befriend and serve him; and he may rest assured that no station of life,
+however exalted and brilliant, will separate me from the ties of early
+friendship. Even now, I am certain, Lord George would oblige me on his
+behalf. Do you think, or could you ascertain, whether he would like
+to go out as surgeon to a convict ship? They tell me that these
+are excellent appointments, and admirably suited to young men of
+enterprising habits and no friends; and that, if they settle in the
+colony, they get several thousand acres of land, and as many natives as
+they can catch. From what I can learn, it would suit P. B., for he was
+always of a romantic turn, and fond of mutton.
+
+How my wandering fancies have led me away! Where was I? Oh, in the
+little vaulted chamber of the sacristan, with its quaint old wainscot
+and its one narrow window, dim and many-paned! It was midnight before
+we left it to return to our hotel, and then the streets were quite
+deserted, and we walked along in silent thoughtfulness, I leaning on
+Lord G.'s arm, and wishing--I know not well why--that we had two miles
+to go!
+
+We are stopping at the "Emperor," a very fine hotel that looks out upon
+the Rhine, and, as my window overhangs the river, I sat and gazed upon
+the rushing waters till nigh daybreak, occasionally adding a line
+to this scrawl to my dearest Kitty, and then wafting a sigh to the
+night-breeze as it stole along.
+
+And now, at length, and after all these windings and digressions, X
+come to what I promised to speak of in the early pail of this rambling
+epistle. We were at breakfast on the morning after what Lord G. calls
+our "cathedral service,"--for he persists in quizzing about it, and says
+that pa was practising to become a "minor canon," when a very handsome
+travelling-carriage drove up to the hotel door, attracting us all to
+the windows by the noise and clatter. It was one of those handsome
+britschkas, Kitty, that at once bespeak the style of their owner;
+scrupulously plain and quiet,--almost Quaker-like in simplicity, but
+elegant in form, and surrounded with all that luxury of cases and
+imperials that show the traveller carries every indulgence and comfort
+along with him.
+
+There was no courier, but a very smartly dressed maid, evidently French,
+occupied the rumble. While we stood speculating as to the new arrival,
+Lord George broke out with a sudden exclamation of astonishment and
+delight, and rushed downstairs. The next moment he was at the side of
+the carriage, from which a very fair, white hand was extended to him.
+It was very easy to see, by his air and manner, that he was on the most
+intimate terms with the fair traveller; nor was it difficult to detect,
+by the gestures of the landlord, that he was deploring the crowded state
+of the hotel, and the impossibility of affording accommodation. As is
+usual on such occasions, a considerable crowd had gathered,--beggars,
+loungers, luggage-porters, waiters, and stablemen, who all eagerly poked
+their heads into the carriage, and seemed to take a lively interest in
+what was going forward, to escape from whose impertinent curiosity Lord
+G. entreated the lady to alight.
+
+To this she consented, and we saw a very elegant-looking person, in a
+kind of half-mourning, descend from the carriage, displaying what James
+called a "stunning foot and ankle" as she alighted. We had no time to
+resume our seats at the breakfast-table, when Lord George rushed in,
+saying, "Only think, there 's Mrs. Gore Hampton arrived, and not a place
+to put her head in! Her stupid courier has, they say, gone on to Bonn,
+although she told him she meant to stay some days here."
+
+Now, my dearest Kitty, I blush to own that not one of us had ever heard
+of Mrs. Gore Hampton till that hour, although unquestionably, from the
+way Lord George announced the name, she was as well known in the great
+world as Albert Prince of Wales and the rest of the Royal Family. We,
+of course, however, did not exhibit our ignorance, but deplored and
+regretted and sorrowed over her misfortune, as though it had been what
+the "Times" calls "a shocking case of destitution."
+
+"It just shows," said Lord George, as he walked hurriedly to and fro,
+rubbing his hands through his hair in distraction, "that with every
+accident of fortune that can befall human beings,--rank, wealth, beauty,
+and accomplishment,--one is not exempt from the annoyances of life. If
+a man were to have laid a bet at Brookes's, that Mrs. Gore Hampton would
+be breakfasting in the public room of an hotel on the Rhine on such a
+day, he 'd have netted a pretty smart sum by the odds."
+
+"And is she?" cried three or four of us together. "Is that possible?"
+
+"It will be an accomplished fact, as the French say, in about ten
+minutes," cried he, "for there is really not a corner unoccupied in the
+hotel."
+
+We looked at each other, Kitty, for some seconds in silence, and then,
+as if by a common impulse, every eye was turned towards papa. Whatever
+his feelings, I cannot pretend to guess, but he evidently shrank from
+our scrutiny, for he opened the "Galignani," and entrenched himself
+behind it.
+
+"I'm sure that either Mary Anne or Cary," broke in mamma, "would
+willingly give up her room."
+
+"Oh! delighted,--but too happy too oblige," cried we together. But Lord
+George stopped us. "That's the worst of it; she is so timid, so fearful
+of giving trouble, and especially when she is not acquainted, that I 'm
+certain she could not bring herself to occasion all this inconvenience."
+
+"But it will be none whatever. If she could be content with one room--"
+
+"One room!" cried he,--"one room is a palace at such a moment But that
+is precisely the value of the sacrifice."
+
+We assured him, again and again, that we thought nothing of it; that the
+opportunity of serving any friend of his--not to speak of one so
+worthy of every attention--was an ample recompense for such a trifling
+inconvenience. We became eloquent and entreating, and at last, I
+actually believe, we had to importune him at least to give the lady
+herself the choice of accepting our proposition.
+
+"Be it so," cried he, suddenly; and, starting up, hurried downstairs to
+convey our message.
+
+When he had left the room, we sat staring at each other, as if
+profoundly conscious that we had done something very magnanimous and
+very splendid, and yet at the same time not quite satisfied that we had
+done it in the right way. Mamma suggested that papa ought to have gone
+down himself with our offer. _He_, on the contrary, said that it was
+_her_ business, or that of one of the girls. James was of opinion that
+a civil note would be the proper thing. "Mrs. Kenny James Dodd, of
+Dodsborough, presents her respectful compliments," and so forth,--thus
+giving us the opportunity of mentioning our ancestral seat, not to speak
+of the advantage of rounding off a monosyllabic name with a sonorous
+termination. James defended his opinion so successfully that I actually
+fetched my writing-desk and opened it on the breakfast-table, when Lord
+George flung wide the door, and announced "Mrs. Gore Hampton."
+
+You may judge of our confusion, when I tell you that mamma was in her
+dressing-gown and without her cap; papa in his shocking old flannel
+_robe de chambre_, with the brown spots, which he calls his "Leprosy,"
+and a pair of fur boots that he wears over his trousers, giving him the
+look of the Russian ferryman we see in the vignette of "Elizabeth, or
+the Exiles of Siberia;" Cary and I in curl-papers, and "not fastened;"
+and James in a sailor's check shirt and Russia-duck trousers, with a red
+sash round him, and an enormous pipe in his hand,--a picturesque group,
+if not a pleasing one. I mention these details, dearest Kitty, less
+as to any relation they bear to ourselves, than for the sake of
+commemorating the inimitable tact of our accomplished visitor. To
+any one of less perfect breeding the situation might have seemed
+awkward,--almost, indeed, ludicrous. Mamma's efforts to make her scanty
+drapery extend to the middle of her legs; papa's struggles to hide his
+feet; James's endeavors to escape by an impracticable door; and Cary
+and myself blushing as we tried to shake out our curls,--made up a scene
+that anything short of courtly good manners might have laughed at.
+
+In this trying emergency she was perfect. The easy grace of her
+step, the elegant quietude of her manner, the courtesy with which she
+acknowledged what she termed "our most thoughtful kindness," were actual
+fascinations. It seemed as if she really carried into the room with her
+an atmosphere of good breeding, for we, magically as it were, forgot all
+about the absurdities of our appearance. Mamma thought no more of her
+almost Highland costume, papa crossed his legs with the air of an old
+elephant, and James leaned over the back of a chair to converse with
+her, as if he had been a captain of the Coldstreams in full uniform. To
+say that she was charming, Kitty, is nothing; for, besides being almost
+perfectly beautiful, there is a grace, a delicacy, a feminine refinement
+in her manner, that make you feel her loveliness almost secondary to her
+elegance. It seemed, besides, like an instinct to her, the way she fell
+in with all our humors, enjoying with keen zest papa's acute and droll
+remarks about the Continent and the habits of foreigners, mamma's
+opinions on the subject of dress and domestic economy, and James's
+notions of "fast men" and "smart people" in general.
+
+She repeatedly assured us that she concurred in everything we said, and
+gave exactly the same reasons for preferring the Continent to England
+that we did, instancing the very fact of our making acquaintance in this
+unceremonious manner, as a palpable case in point. "Had we been at the
+Star and Garter at Windsor, or the Albion at Brighton," said she,
+"you had certainly left me to my fate, and I should not have been now
+enjoying the privilege of an acquaintance that I trust is not destined
+to end here."
+
+Oh, Kitty! if you could but have heard the tone of winning softness with
+which she uttered words simple as these. But, indeed, the real charm of
+manner is to invest commonplaces with interest, and impart to the mere
+nothings of intercourse a kind of fictitious value and importance. She
+congratulated us so heartily on travelling _without_ a courier,--the
+very thing we were at the moment ashamed of, and that mamma was trying
+all manner of artifices to conceal. "It is so sensible of you," said
+she, "so independent, and shows that you thoroughly understand the
+Continent. Travelling as _I_ do,"--there was a sorrowful tenderness
+as she said this, that brought the tears to my eyes,--"travelling as
+I do,"--she paused, and only resumed after a moment of difficulty,--"a
+courier is indispensable; but _you_ have no such necessity."
+
+"And Grégoire apparently wants to show you how well you could do without
+him," cried Lord George. "He has gone on to Bonn, and left you here to
+your destiny."
+
+"Oh, but he is such a good, careful old creature," said she, "that,
+though he _does_ make fearful mistakes, I cannot be angry with him."
+
+"It's very kind of you to say so," resumed he; "but if _I_ told him
+that I meant to stop at Cologne, and _he_ went forward to order rooms at
+Bonn, I 'd break his neck when we met."
+
+"Then I assure you I shall do no such thing," added she, taking off her
+gloves, as if to show how unsuited her beautifully taper fingers, all
+glittering with gems, would be to any such occupation.
+
+"And now you 'll have to wait here for Fordyce?" said he, half angrily.
+
+"Of course I shall!" said she, with a sweet smile.
+
+Lord George made some rejoinder, but I could not hear it, to this; and
+so, Kitty, we all determined that instead of at once setting out for
+Bonn, we should stay and dine with Mrs. Gore Hampton, and not leave her
+till evening,--a kindness at which she really seemed overjoyed, thanking
+each of us again and again for our "dear good-nature."
+
+And now, Kitty, I have just left her to hasten off these lines by
+post hour. My heart is yet fluttering with the delight of her charming
+conversation, and my hand trembles as I write myself
+
+Your ever attached and fascinated friend,
+
+Mart Anne Dodd.
+
+Hôtel de l'Empereur, Cologne.
+
+P. S. Mrs. G. H. has just slipped, into my dressing-room to say that
+she is so sorry that we are going away; that she feels as if we were
+actually old friends already. She has, evidently, some secret sorrow;
+would that I knew how to console her!
+
+We are to write to each other; but I am not to show her letters to Cary:
+this she made an express stipulation. She thinks Cary "a sweet girl, but
+volatile;" and I believe, Kitty, that there is something of levity in
+her character, which is its greatest defect.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XVI. KENNY I. DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE ORANGE, BRUFF
+
+My dear Tom,--There 's an old Turkish proverb, to the effect that,
+whenever a man finds himself happy, he should immediately sit down and
+write word of it to his friends; for the great likelihood is, that if he
+loses a post, he 'll have to change his note. Depend upon it, the adage
+has some truth in it! If, for example, I 'd have finished and sent off
+a letter I began to you last Wednesday, I 'd have given you a very
+favorable account of myself and our prospects here. The place seemed
+very much what we were looking for,--a quiet little University town on
+the bank of this fine river,--snug and comfortable, and yet, at the
+same time, not shut in, but with glorious expansive views on every
+side; shady walks for noonday, and hill rambles for sunset; museums
+and collections for bad weather occupation, and that kind of simple,
+unostentatious living that bespeaks a community of small fortunes and as
+small ambitions.
+
+A quaint-looking, half-shy, half-defiant look in the faces showed that
+if not very great or very rich folk, they still had other and perhaps
+not less sterling claims to worldly reverence; and so they have too!
+There are some of the first men, not only in Germany but in Europe,
+here, living on the income of a London butler, and letting the "first
+floor furnished" to people like the Dodd family.
+
+It is a great privation to me that I don't speak German, for something
+tells me we should suit each other wonderfully! Don't mistake me, Tom,
+and fancy that I am saying this out of any conceit in my abilities,
+or any false notion of my education. I believe, in my heart, I have as
+little of one thing as the other; and the only wise thing my father ever
+did was to take me away from Dr. Bell's when I was thirteen, and when
+he saw that putting Latin and Greek into me was like sowing barley in a
+bog,--a waste of good seed in a soil not fit for it. But I 'll tell you
+why I think I 'd get on well with these Germans. They seem to be a kind
+of dreamy, thoughtful, imaginative creatures, that would relish the dry,
+commonplace thoughts, and hard, practical hints of a man like myself.
+I could n't discuss a classical subject with them, nor talk about the
+varieties of the Greek dialects; but I could converse pleasantly enough
+about the difference between the ancients and ourselves in points of
+government and on matters of social life. I know little of books, but
+I 've seen a good deal of men; and if it be objected that they were
+chiefly of my own country, I answer at once, that, however strongly
+impressed with his nationality, there's not a man in any country of
+Europe so versatile, so many-sided, and so difficult to understand,
+as Paddy. Don't be frightened, Tom; I 'm not going off into the
+"ethnologies," and not a word will you hear from me about the facial
+angle, or frontal development! I 'm not speaking of Pat as if he were
+a plaster cast to be measured with a rule and marked with a piece of
+charcoal; I 'm talking of him as he is, in a frieze coat or one of
+broadcloth,--a sceptical, credulous, patient, headlong, calculating,
+impulsive, miserly spendthrift; a species of bull incarnate, that never
+prospers till he is ruined outright, and only has real success in life
+when all the odds are against him.
+
+Ireland 's birdlime to me,--I stick fast if I only touch it; and why
+ain't I back there, growling about the markets, cursing the poor-rates,
+and enjoying myself as I used to do? Doesn't it strike you, Tom, that
+we take more "out" of ourselves in Ireland--in the way of temper, I
+mean--than any other people we hear of in history? Paddy often reminds
+me of those cutters on the American lakes, where they saw across the
+timbers to give them greater speed; we go fast, it is true, but we
+strain ourselves terribly for the sake of it.
+
+And now to come back to Bonn: there is really much to like in it. It is
+cheap, it is quiet without seclusion, and there's no snobbery. You know
+what I mean, Tom. There 's not a tilbury, nor a tiger, nor a genteel
+tea-party in the town. I don't know of a single waistcoat with more
+than five colors in it; and, except James and the head waiter, there 's
+nobody wears diamond shirt buttons. In fact, if we must live out of our
+country, I thought that this was about the best spot we could fix upon.
+We made an excellent bargain at our hotel; ten pounds a week was to
+cover everything; no extras of any kind after that; so that at last I
+began to see my way before me, and perceive some chance of solving
+that curious problem that torments alike chancellors and country
+gentlemen,--how to meet expenditure by income.
+
+Masters in German, music, and mathematics, and other little odds and
+ends, took a couple of pounds more; and I allowed myself ten shillings
+a week for what the doctor calls "my little charities," that now
+resolve themselves into threepenny whist, or a game of ninepins with the
+Professor of Oriental languages. Even _you_, Tom--"Joe" as you are about
+the budget--couldn't pick a hole in this! Not that I want to give myself
+credit for a measure absolutely imperative; for, to say the truth, our
+late performances in Brussels were of the very costliest, and even
+Liège ran away with a deal of money. Doctors have about the same ideas
+respecting your cash account as your constitution. They never leave
+either in a state of plethora! Now, as I was saying, my letter, begun on
+Wednesday last, had all these details, and might have concluded with a
+flattering picture of James hard at his studies, and the girls not less
+diligently occupied with their music and embroidery,--the two resources
+by which modern ingenuity fancies it keeps female minds employed! As if
+Double-Bass or Berlin wool were disinfecting liquors! I could also have
+added that Mrs. D. had fallen into that peculiar condition which is
+natural to her whenever she finds a place stupid and unexciting, and
+what she fondly fancies to be a religious frame of mind; in other words,
+she took to reading her breviary, and worrying Betty Cobb about her
+duties; got up for five o'clock mass, and insisted upon Friday coming
+three times a week. I could bear all this for quietness' sake; and if
+fish diet could insure peace, I 'd be content to live upon isinglass for
+the rest of my days.
+
+Mrs. D., however, is not a woman to do things by halves; there's no John
+Russellism about her; and now that she had taken this serious turn, I
+saw clearly enough what was in store for us. I had actually ordered a
+small silk skull-cap, as a protection to my head, not knowing when I
+might be sent to do duty in a procession, when suddenly the wind veered
+round, and began to blow very fresh in exactly the opposite quarter.
+You must know, Tom, that just before we left Cologne we chanced to
+make acquaintance with a certain very fashionable person,--a Mrs. Gore
+Hampton. She was standing disconsolately to be rained on, in the street,
+when Lord George brought her upstairs to our rooms, and introduced her
+to us. She was, I must say, what is popularly called a very splendid
+woman,--tall, dark-eyed, and dashing, with a bewitching smile, and that
+kind of voice that somehow makes commonplaces very graceful. She had,
+too, that wonderful tact--wherever it comes from I can't guess--to suit
+us all, without seeming to take the slightest trouble about the matter.
+
+She talked to Mrs. D. about London fashionable life, just as if they had
+both been going out together for the last three or four seasons; ay,
+and stranger still, without even once puzzling her, or making her feel
+astray in the geography of this _terra incognita_. I conclude she was
+equally successful with the girls; and though she scarcely addressed a
+word to James, I suppose she must have made up for it by a look, for he
+has never ceased raving of her since.
+
+I have n't told you how she "landed" me, for I 'm not above confessing
+that I was as bad as the rest; but the truth is, Tom, I don't really
+know how I was caught. I am too old for these blandishments; they no
+more suit me now than a tight boot or a runaway hack; one gets too
+rheumatic and too stiff in the joints for homage after fifty; and
+besides that, there's a kind of croaking conscience that whispers,
+"Don't be making a fool of yourself, Kenny James!" and, between you and
+me, Tom, 't is well for us when we 're not too deaf to hear it.
+
+Besides this; Tom, it is only the fellows that never were in love when
+they were young that become irretrievably entangled in after life. If
+you want to see a true sexagenarian victim, look out for some hang-dog,
+downcast, mopish creature, or some suspectful, wary, crafty, red-haired
+rascal, that thought every woman had a trap laid for him. These are your
+hopeless cases; these are the men that always die in some mysterious
+manner, and leave wills behind them to be litigated for half a century.
+
+The Kenny Dodds of this world come into another category. They knew that
+love and the measles are mildest in young constitutions, and so they
+began early. Maybe it was in a firm reliance on this that I felt so easy
+about the widow,--if widow she be; for, to tell the truth, I don't yet
+know if Mr. Gore Hampton be to the fore or only has left her a memory of
+his virtues.
+
+I leave you to guess what impression she made upon me; for the more I
+go on trying to explain and refine upon it the less intelligible do I
+become. One thing, however, I must say,--these charming women are the
+ruin of Irishmen! Our own fair creatures, with a great share of good
+looks, and far more than ordinary agreeability, are not so dangerous as
+the English, and for this reason: in their demands for admiration they
+are too general; they--so to say--fire at the whole covey; now, your
+Englishwoman marks her bird,' and never goes home till she bags it!
+
+We were to have left Cologne that morning for Bonn, but so agreeably did
+the time pass, that we did n't start till evening, and even then it was
+quite tearing ourselves away; for the delightful widow--for widow I must
+call her till she shows cause to the contrary--hourly gained on us.
+
+She was obliged to wait there for some lawyers or men of business that
+were to follow her with papers to sign; and although Lord George did his
+best to persuade her that she might as well come on with us,--that Bonn
+was only fifteen miles farther,--she was firm, and said that "Old Mr.
+For-dyce was a great prig, and when she had once named Cologne for their
+meeting, she would have travelled from Naples rather than break the
+appointment." I own to you, there was a tenacity and determination in
+all that which pleased me. Maybe the great charm of it was that it was
+very unlike what I 'd have done myself!
+
+The whole way to Bonn we talked of nothing but her, the discussion being
+all the more unconstrained that Lord George had stayed behind, and
+was only to come up the next morning. We were agreed upon a number
+of points: her beauty, her elegance, the grace and fascination of her
+manner, and her high breeding; but we took different views as to her
+condition,--Mrs. D. and the girls thinking that she was married, James
+and I standing out for widowhood. Lord George joined us the next day;
+and although he could have resolved our doubts at once, Mary Anne
+stopped all inquiry, by assuring us that nothing was so hopelessly
+vulgar as to display any ignorance about the family or connections of
+people of rank. "If she be in the peerage, we ought to know her, and all
+about her. She is, of course, some Augusta Louisa, b. 18 and dash; m. to
+the Honorable Leopold Conway Gore Hampton, third son, and so on." In a
+word, Tom, we had the whole family tree before us, from its old gnarled
+root to its last bud, and ours the shame if we were ignorant of its
+botanical properties!
+
+A few quiet humdrum days of Bonn existence had almost obliterated our
+memory of the charming widow, and we were beginning to "train off"
+our attachments to fashionable life, when, in all the splashing and
+whip-cracking of foreign posting, up dashes the dark green britschka
+to our hotel one fine evening; and before we could well recognize the
+carriage, the fair owner herself was making the tour of the Dodd family,
+embracing and hand-shaking, as age and sex dictated!
+
+I wish any physiologist would explain why the English, that are so
+proverbial for a cold and chilling demeanor at home, grow at once so
+cordial when they come abroad. Whether it be the fear of the damp, or
+the swell mob, I can't tell, but everybody in England goes about with
+his hands in his pockets, and only nods to a friend when he meets him;
+whereas here you start with a grin at fifty yards off, then off goes
+your hat with a flourish, that, if you have any tact, what with shaking
+your head, and looking overcome with delight, occupies you till you come
+up with him, when your greeting grows more enthusiastic,--lucky if it
+does not finish with a kiss on both cheeks.
+
+I suppose it was the influence of habit betrayed me, for, in a fit of
+abstraction, I took the charming widow into my arms, and saluted her as
+if she were Mrs. Dodd. If this was in London, Tom, or even in Dublin,
+there 's no saying what mischief might not have grown out of it. I might
+have been fighting duels every day for the last week, not to mention
+still more formidable encounters of a domestic nature; but just to show
+you what the Continent does for us,--how instinctively, as it were, we
+rise above the little narrow prejudices of our insular situation,--she
+threw herself into a chair and laughed immoderately. Ay, and droller
+again, so did Mrs. D.! To tell you the truth, Tom, I could n't well
+believe my senses when I saw it. It would seem to be the same in morals
+as in murder,--you can dignify the offence by the rank of your victim;
+for if it had been one of the maids at home, Mrs. D. would have left my
+face like a piece of music paper!
+
+[Illustration: 214]
+
+There 's a great deal in how you open an acquaintance! You may be
+card-leaving, and bowing, and how-d'ye-doing for years, and never get
+farther; or, on the other hand, by some lucky accident, you come plump
+down into the right place, just as a chance shell will now and then drop
+into a magazine, and finish an engagement at once.
+
+In less than an hour after her arrival, Mrs. Gore Hampton was one of
+ourselves. It was not that she was calling the girls dearest Cary, and
+darling Mary Anne, but she had got a regular sisterly tone with Mrs. D.
+and myself--treating James all the while as if he was about twelve years
+old, and at home for the holidays. She had not only done all this, but
+before luncheon was on the table we had ratified a solemn league
+and covenant that she was to travel with us, and be one of us, going
+wherever we went, and living as we did. How the treaty was ever mooted,
+who proposed, and who signed it, I know no more than the man in the
+moon. It was done in a kind of rattling, bantering fashion; and when we
+rose from table it was all settled. Mrs. Gore Hampton was to take
+Cary and Mary Anne with her in the britschka; the "dear boy"--viz.
+James--would be the "guard in the rumble." There was a place for
+everybody and everything; and I believe, if any one had proposed that I
+should ride the leader, it would have been carried without opposition.
+Never was there such unanimity! The whole arrangement was huddled up
+like a road-presentment on a Grand Jury, or a private bill before the
+House on a "Wednesday afternoon. As for myself, if I had even the will,
+I could not have summoned the shamelessness to offer any opposition to
+the measure.
+
+"Devilish good thing for you, Dodd!" whispered Lord George. "Mrs. G.
+knows everybody in the world, and doesn't care for money."--"Oh, papa!
+she is delightful; there never was such a piece of good fortune as our
+meeting with her," cried Mary Anne. And Mrs. D. assured me that, for
+the very first time in her life, she had met a person thoroughly
+companionable to her in all respects; in fact, a "kindred soul," though
+not a "blood relation."
+
+Now, Tom, considering that we came abroad to enjoy the advantages of
+high society, fashionable habits, and * refined associations, this
+accident did indeed seem a propitious one; for, disguise it how we may,
+the great world is a dangerous ocean to venture upon without a pilot.
+Our own little experiences might teach that lesson. We sailed out in all
+the confidence of a stout crew and a safe vessel, and a pretty voyage
+we made of it! Perhaps we did not make more mistakes than our neighbors,
+but assuredly our blunders were neither few nor insignificant!
+
+Mrs G., however, would soon rectify all this. "No more making
+acquaintance with wrong people, K. I." says Mrs. D.; "no more getting
+into vulgar intimacies at the _café_, and cementing friendships over a
+game of dominos. James will know the class of young men that he ought
+to mix with, and the girls will only dance with suitable partners." It
+sounded well, Tom! It was a grand protective policy, that really secured
+the Dodd family in the possession of all home advantages, and relieved
+them of all aggressions "from the foreigner."
+
+If we had fallen on a prize in the lottery, I don't think the joy of our
+circle could have been greater. I am not going to pretend that I did n't
+join in it! I make no affectation of prudent reserve and caution, and
+Heaven knows what other elegant qualities, that, however natural to
+other people, very seldom fall to the lot of an Irishman. I vow to you,
+Tom, I went off full cry like the rest of the pack. She is a fine woman,
+this Mrs. Gore Hampton; she has a low, soft voice, a very bewitching
+smile, and a way of looking at you while you are talking to her, that
+somehow half suggests to yourself that you must be making love without
+knowing it. Now, don't misunderstand me, Tom, and come out with one of
+your long whistles, as much as to say, "Kenny James is as great a fool
+as ever!" No such thing! a suit in Chancery, the repeal of the corn
+laws, and the Estates Court, have made me an altered man. The very
+nature of me is changed, and changed so much that many's the time I ask
+myself, "Is this Kenny Dodd? Where upon earth is that light-hearted,
+careless, hopeful vagabond, that always took the sunny road in life,
+though maybe it was n't exactly the way to the place he was going?" I'm
+another man now; I 'm wiser, as they call it; and, upon my conscience, I
+'m mighty sorry for it!
+
+But I hear you say, "Have n't you just confessed that you were--what
+shall I call it?--fascinated by the widow?"
+
+And if I did, Tom Purcell, do you mean to tell me that you would have
+escaped her? Not a bit of it. The brown wig would have been set a little
+more forward, so as to bring one of those silky curls over your
+right eye. I think I see you exchanging your spectacles for a double
+eye-glass, and turning out your toes so as to display to the best
+advantage that shapely calf in its trim brown silk stocking. Ah, Tom!
+not even quarter sessions and a rate in aid will drive these thoughts
+out of an Irishman's head.
+
+From the moment that this new alliance was signed, we entered upon a
+new existence. Bonn, as I have told you, was a quiet little collegiate
+place, with primitive habits of no very expensive kind. The chief
+pleasures were weak wine in a garden, or small whist in a summer-house,
+with now and then an "aesthetic tea," as they phrase it, at the
+Pro-Rector's; of which, of course, I understand nothing, but sincerely
+hope the discourse was better than the beverage. It was, I own it,
+Tom, a strange kind of life, that seemed to me always like a moral
+convalescence, when you were only strong enough for small virtues. One
+undoubted advantage it had,--it was inexpensive, Tom. We were living,
+with few comforts and some privations, I confess, at only one-third more
+than we used to spend at Dodsbor-ough; and, considering that we know
+nothing of the language, I conclude that we were enjoying the Continent
+as cheaply as was practicable.
+
+I won't pretend that it suited me. I don't want you to believe that I
+was taking a scientific or a studious turn. Still I liked the place for
+one thing, which was this,--its quiet monotony, its placid, unvarying
+simplicity was telling upon Mrs. D. and the children in an astonishing
+manner. It was exactly the way that the water-cure works its wonders
+with old drunkards; the mountain air, the light diet, and the early
+hours being the best of the remedy. They were getting into a healthy
+state of mind without ever suspecting it.
+
+Our grand junction, as Cary calls it, finished this; from the day Mrs.
+G. arrived our reforms began. First, we had to change our hotel, and
+betake ourselves to one on the river-side, three times as dear, and not
+one-fourth as good.
+
+The second story was fine enough for us before; now we have the whole
+"premier," taking two rooms more than we want, lest anybody should live
+on the same floor with us. Instead of the _table d'hôte_, that was cheap
+and cheerful, we were to dine upstairs,--"a particular dinner," as they
+call what is particularly bad, and costly besides. Then we have had to
+hire two lackeys, one of whom sits in an anteroom all day reading
+the newspaper, and only rises to make me a grand bow as I pass; which
+worries me so much that I usually go down by the back stairs to escape
+him.
+
+We have two job coaches, for we are too many for one, and a boat hired
+by the week, with a considerable retinue of mountain ponies and donkeys,
+guides, goats, whey-sellers, and geological specimen-folk without end.
+If Mrs. G. was only fashionable, we could n't be more than ruined; but
+she is learned and literary, and given to the "ologies," Tom, and that's
+what I fear will drive us clean mad. She has an eternal restlessness in
+her to be at something; one day, it's the date of a medal; the next, it
+is the family connections of a "moss," or the chemistry of a meteoric
+stone; and, shall I own to you, my dear friend, that I don't believe
+she either understands or cares one jot about them all? There 's a big
+herbarium bound in green, and a grand book of autographs in blue and
+gold, on the drawing-room table; there's a bit of "gneiss," a big
+beetle, and a fossil frog on the chimney-piece; but my name isn't
+Kenny Dodd if she has n't more sympathies with modern dandies than
+antediluvian monsters. That's my private opinion;» and, of course, I
+mention it in confidence. You 'll say, "What matter is that to you?"
+and, true enough, it is not, as regards her; but what will become of
+us, if Mrs. D. takes a turn for entomology or comparative anatomy, and
+worse, maybe? She's just the kind of woman to do it. She'd learn the
+tight-rope if she thought it was fashionable, or, as the newspapers say,
+"patronized by the aristocracy." Now, Tom, you can fancy the unknown
+sea upon which we have embarked. For, however unadapted we may be to
+fashionable life, one thing is quite clear,--we never were made for the
+abstract sciences; and it strikes me forcibly that the great lesson of
+Continental life is that everybody can do everything. I am not going to
+say that it is not a pleasant and a very flattering theory, but is it
+quite safe, Tom? That's the question. The highest step I ever attained
+in chemistry was how to concoct a tumbler of punch; and my knowledge of
+botany does not go far beyond distinguishing "greens" from geraniums;
+and it's not at my time of life that I'm to drive myself crazy with
+hard names and classifications; and if I know anything of Mrs. D., her
+intellectual faculties have attained all the vigor that nature meant for
+them many a year ago.
+
+My own private opinion about these sciences is, they 're capital things
+for employing young people, and keeping them out of wickedness! The
+fellows that teach them, too, are musty, snuff-taking, prosy old dogs,
+with heavy shoes and greasy cravats,--the very reverse of your race of
+dancing and music masters, who are a pestilent crew! So that, for a
+man who has daughters abroad, my advice is--stick to the sciences.
+Gray sandstone is safer than the polka, and there's not as dangerous
+an experiment in all chemistry as singing duets with some black-bearded
+blackguard from Naples or Palermo. Now mind, Tom, this counsel of mine
+applies to the education of the young; for when people come to the
+forties, you may rely upon it, if they set about learning anything, they
+'ll have the devil for a schoolmaster. What does all the geology mean?
+Junketing, Tom,--nothing but junketing! Primitive rock is another name
+for picnic, and what they call quartz is a figurative expression for
+iced champagne. Just reflect for a moment, and see what it comes to.
+You can enter a protest against family extravagances when they take the
+shape of balls and soirees, but what are you to do against botanical
+excursions and antiquarian researches? It 's like writing yourself down
+Goth at once to oppose these. "Oh, papa hates chemistry; he despises
+natural history," that's the cry at once, and they hold me up to
+ridicule, just in the way the rascally Protestant newspapers did Dr.
+Cullen for saying that he did n't believe the world was round. If the
+liberty of the subject be worth anything,--if the right for which the
+same Protestants are always prating, private judgment, be the great
+privilege they deem it,--why should n't Dr. Cullen have his own opinion
+about the shape of the earth? He can say, "It suits _me_ to think I 'm
+walking erect on a flat surface, and not crawling along with my head
+down, like a fly on the ceiling! I 'm happier when I believe what does
+n't puzzle my understanding, and I don't want any more miracles than
+we have in the Church." He may say that, and I'd like to know what harm
+does that do you or me? Does it endanger the Protestant succession or
+the State religion? Not a bit of it, Tom. The real fact is simply this:
+private judgment is a boon they mean to keep for themselves, and never
+share with their neighbors. So far as I have seen of life, there's no
+such tyrant as your Protestant, and for this reason: it's bad enough
+to force a man to believe something that he doesn't like, but it's ten
+times worse to make him disbelieve what he's well satisfied with; and
+that's exactly what they do. Even on the ground of common humanity it is
+indefensible. If my private judgment goes in favor of saints' toe-nails
+and martyrs' shin-bones, I have a right to my opinion, and you have
+no right to attack it. Besides, I won't be badgered into what may suit
+somebody else to think. My opinion is like my flannel waistcoat, that
+I'll take off or put on as the weather requires; and I think it very
+cruel if I must wear _mine_ simply because _you_ feel cold.
+
+I get warm--I almost grow angry--when I think of these things; and I
+wonder within myself why our people don't expose them as they might.
+Not that some are not doing the duty well and manfully, Tom. M'Hale is a
+glorious fellow; and for blackguarding a Prime Minister, for a real good
+effective slanging, it's hard to find his equal. He never embarrasses
+himself with logic,--he wastes no time in arguing, but "goes in" at
+once, and plants his blow between the eyes! That's what the English
+can't stand. They want discussion. They are always fishing for evidence
+for this, and a proof of that; but come down on them with a strong
+torrent of foul abuse, and you sweep them away like mud in a mill-race.
+
+That's where we always beat them in our controversial discussions, Tom;
+and we never failed so long as we relied on this superiority. It was
+like the bayonet in the hands of our infantry.
+
+Is n't it strange how I get back to Ireland in spite of me? I 'm like
+that madman in the story that can't keep Charles the First out of his
+memorial? And, after all, why should I? Is there anything more natural
+than to think of my country, if I can't manage to live in it? And this
+reminds me to ask you about home matters. What was it you wrote at the
+end of your letter about Jones McCarthy? I can't make out the word,
+whether it is his "death," or his "debts;" though, from my experience of
+the family, I surmise it to be the latter. If it's dead he is, I suppose
+we 'll come in for that blessed legacy that Mrs. D. has been talking
+about every day for the last twenty-five years, the history of which I
+have heard so often that I actually know nothing about it, except that
+it was the only bit of property possessed by my wife's relations they
+couldn't make away with. It was so strictly "tied up," as they call it
+in law, that nobody could ever get the use of it,--pretty much like the
+silver sixpence given to a schoolboy, with the express stipulation that
+he is never to change it.
+
+I am rather curious to know what Mrs. D. will think of these "wise
+provisions" of her ancestors, if she succeeds to the bequest. To tell
+you the plain truth, Tom, I don't know a greater misfortune for a man
+that has married a wife without money, than to discover at the end of
+some fifteen or twenty years that somebody has left her a few hundred
+pounds! It is not only that she conceives visions of unbounded
+extravagance, and raves about all manner of expense, but she begins to
+fancy herself an heiress that was thrown away, and imagines wonderful
+destinies she might have arrived at, if she had n't had the bad luck to
+meet you. For a real crab-apple of discord, I 'll back a few hundreds in
+the Three per Cents against all the family jars that ever were invented.
+Save us then from this, if you can, Tom. There must surely be twenty
+ways to avoid the legacy; and so that Mrs. D. does n't hear of it, I 'd
+rather you 'd prove her illegitimate than allow her to succeed to this
+bequest I 'll not enlarge upon all I feel about this subject, hoping
+that by your skill and address we may never bear more of it; but I tell
+you, frankly, I 'd face the small-pox with a stouter heart than the news
+of succeeding to the M'Carthy inheritance.
+
+There are many other matters I intended to write about, but I believe I
+must keep them for the next time; such as the plan for taking away the
+Church property, and the income-tax for Ireland; and that business of
+the Madiais, that I read of in the papers. So far as I have seen, Tom,
+the King of Tuscany--if that be his name--was right. There were plenty
+of books the Madiais might have read without breaking the laws. There
+are translations of all the rascally French novels of the day, from
+Georges Sand down to Paul de Kock; and if they wanted mischief, might
+n't these have satisfied them? But the truth is, Protestants are never
+easy without they are attacking the true Church, and if there were more
+of them sent to the galleys, the world would be all the quieter.
+
+You amaze me about the Great Exhibition for this year in Dublin. Faith!
+I remember when I used to think that the less we exhibited ourselves the
+better! I suppose times are changed. I think, if I could send Mrs. D.
+over as a specimen of Continental plating on Irish manufacture, she 'd
+deserve a place, and maybe a prize.
+
+Well, well! it's a queer world we live in. They 've just come to tell
+me that the man of the post-office has shut up an hour earlier, as he is
+engaged out to dine, so that I 'll keep this open till to-morrow's mail.
+
+
+Wednesday Morning. I suspect that the mischief is done, Tom,--I mean
+about the legacy. Mrs. D. received a strange-looking, square-shaped,
+formally addressed epistle this morning, the contents of which, not
+being a demand for money, she did not communicate to me. She and Mary
+Anne both retired to peruse it in secret, and when they again appeared
+in the drawing-room, it was with an air of conscious pride and
+self-possession that smacked terribly of a bequest I own to you, the
+prospect alarms me; it may be that my fears take an exaggerated shape,
+but I can't shake off the impression that this is the hardest trial I
+had ever to go through.
+
+I know her in most of her moods, Tom, and have got a kind of way
+of managing her in each of them,--not very successful, perhaps, but
+sufficiently so to get on with. I have seen her in straits about money;
+I have seen her in her jealous fits; I have seen her in her moments
+of family pride; and I have repeatedly seen her on what she calls
+"her dying couch,"--an opportunity she always seizes to say the most
+disagreeable things she can think of, so that I often speculate what she
+'d say if she was really going off: but all these convey no notion to me
+of how she 'd behave if she thought herself rich. As for our poverty, we
+never knew anything else; the jealousy I 'm getting used to; the
+family pride often gives me a hearty laugh when I 'm alone; and I am
+as hardened about death-bed scenes as if I was an undertaker. It's the
+prosperity I have n't strength for, Tom; and I feel it.
+
+Maybe, after all, it's only false terror alarms me. I hope it may turn
+out so; and in this last wish I am sure of your hearty sympathy and good
+feeling.
+
+Ever yours, most sincerely,
+
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XVII. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH
+
+The Rhine Hotel, Bonn.
+
+MY dear Molly,--If my well-known hand did not strike you, the sight of
+all the black around this letter, and the mourning seal, might suggest
+the thought that your poor Jemima was no more. Your next impression
+will be that Providence had sent for K. I. No, my dear Molly, I am still
+reserved for more trials in this vale of tears. I must bear my burden
+further! As for K. I., he's just as he used to be,--croaking away about
+the pain in his toe, or a gouty cramp in his stomach. He's always taking
+things that disagrees with him, and what he calls the "correctives"
+makes him worse. I cannot give you the least notion of how irritable he
+'s grown. You know as well as anybody the blessings he has about him. I
+don't speak of myself, nor the stock I came from. I don't want to
+revive the dreadful mistake that I made in my youth, nor to mention
+the struggles I 've had with him on every subject for more than
+five-and-twenty years,--struggles, my dear Molly, that would have killed
+any one that had n't the constitution of a horse; but that now, thanks
+to the goodness of Providence, have become a part of my nature, so that
+there is n't an hour of the day or night that I 'm not able and willing
+to dispute and argue with him on any question whatsoever. I don't want
+to mention these blessings,--but is n't there James and Mary Anne, and,
+indeed, except for some things, Caroline,--was there ever a father with
+more reason to be proud? And so you 'd say if you only saw them. As a
+dear friend of mine, Mrs. Gore Hampton, said this morning, "Where
+will you see such natural advantages?" And I must own, Molly, it's not
+flattery; for the way they talk French and waltz, even how they come
+into a room, salute, or sit down, has something in it that shows them to
+be brought up in the top of fashion.
+
+Any other man than K. I. would overflow with gratitude for all this, but
+you 'd scarcely believe, Molly, he only ridicules it!
+
+"If we meant her for the stage," says he,--this is the way he talks of
+Mary Anne,--"if we meant her for the stage, I think she has effrontery
+enough to stand before a full house, and I don't say it would discompose
+her; but for the wife of some respectable man of the middle rank, I see
+no use in all this flouncing about here, and flourishing there,
+whisking through a room, upsetting small tables and crockery by way of
+gracefulness, and never sitting down on a chair till she has spread out
+her petticoats like a peacock!"
+
+If I 've said it once to him, Molly, I 've said it fifty times, there's
+nothing I despise so much as a respectable man in the middle rank.
+There's no refinement about them,--no elegance! They may be what's
+called estimable in their families; but what's the use of all that for
+the world at large? A man can only have one wife, but he may have a
+thousand acquaintances. We don't ask how amiable he is at home; what we
+want is, that he should be delightful abroad. "That," says Lord George,
+"is true, both socially and economically; it's the grand principle
+that everybody stands up for, 'the greatest happiness of the greatest
+number!'" And talking of this, I 'd strenuously advise your cultivating
+your mind on matters of political economy. It appears dry and
+uninteresting at first, but as you get on it improves wonderfully, and
+takes a great hold of the mind. I don't think I was ever more unhappy
+than since I read a chapter describing what would become of us when the
+population got too thick; and if the unthinking creatures in Ireland
+don't take warning, it's exactly what will happen. When my mind was full
+of it, I ordered up Betty Cobb, and gave her such a lecture about it she
+'ll never forget.
+
+But you 'll say it's not for this I 'm gone into black; neither is
+it, Molly,--it's for my poor relative, the late Jones McCarthy, of the
+Folly, one of the last surviving members of the great McCarthy stock, in
+the west of Ireland. Grief and sorrow for the miserable condition of his
+country preyed upon him, and made him seek obliteration in drink;
+and more's the pity, for he was a man of enlarged understanding and
+capacious mind. My heart overflows when I think of the beautiful
+sentiments I 've heard from him at various times. He loved his country,
+and it was a treat to hear him praise it. "Ah!" he would say, "there's
+but one blot on her,--the judges is rogues, the Government 's rogues,
+the grand jury's rogues, and the people is villains!"
+
+He died as he lived, a little in drink, but a true patriot "Tell
+Jemima," says he, "I forgive her. She was a child when she married, and
+she never meant to disgrace us; but as she now succeeds to the estate, I
+hope she 'll have the pride to resume the family name."
+
+Yes, Molly, the M'Carthy property, that once extended from Gorramuck to
+Knocksheedownie, with seventeen townlands and four baronies, descends
+now to me. To be sure, it was all mortgaged over and over again, and
+'tis little there's left but the parchments and the maps; and, except
+the property in the funds, there 's not a great deal coming to me. This
+is all that I know at present, for Waters, the attorney, writes in such
+a confused way, I can make nothing of it, and I don't wish to show the
+letter to K. I. That seems strange to you, Molly, but you 'll think it
+stranger when I tell you that the bare notion of my succeeding to the
+estate drives him half crazy. He thinks that all the money being on his
+side makes up for his low birth, and makes a Dodd equal to a M'Carthy,
+and that now when I get my fortune the tables will be turned. Maybe he
+'s right there; I won't say that he is not; but sure it would be time
+enough to show this feeling when my manner was changed to him.
+
+I suppose he must have heard something from Purcell about the matter,
+for when I came into the room, with my eyes red from crying, he said,
+"Is it for old Jones M'Carthy you 're crying? Begad, then, you must have
+a feeling heart, for you never saw him since you were three years old!"
+
+Did you ever hear a more barbarous speech, Molly, not to say a more
+ignorant one? Twenty or thirty years might be a very long time in a
+family called Dodd, but is it more than a week or so in one with the
+name of M'Carthy? And so I told him.
+
+"You don't pretend that you 're sorry after him?" says he. And I could
+only answer him with my sobs. "If it was Giles Moore, the distiller,"
+says he, "that went into mourning, one could understand the sense of it,
+for _he_ has lost a friend indeed!"
+
+"They're to bury him in Cloughdesman Abbey," says I, not wishing to let
+his sarcastic remarks provoke me.
+
+"They need n't take much trouble about embalming him, anyway," says he,
+"for there's more whiskey soaked into him than could preserve a whole
+family!"
+
+You may think, Molly, how far I was overcome by grief when he ventured
+to talk this way to me; and, indeed, I left the room in a flood of
+tears. When I grew more composed, I went over Waters's letter again with
+Mary Anne, but without any great success. There is so much law in it,
+and so many words that we never saw before, and to which, indeed, our
+pocket dictionary gave us little help: Administer being set down,--to
+perform the duty of an administrator; and for Administrator, we are told
+to see Administer,--a kind of hide-and-go-seek that one does n't expect
+in books like this.
+
+The lawyers and the doctors, my dear Molly, go on the same plan,--they
+never let us know the hard names they have for everything. If we once
+come to do that, we 'll know what's the matter with ourselves and our
+affairs, and neither need one nor the other. Mary Anne thinks that
+administering means going to show the will to somebody that's to pay the
+money; but my private opinion is that it's something about Ministers'
+Money, for I remember my poor cousin Jones never would consent to pay
+it, nor, indeed, anything else that went to the Established Church.
+It was against his conscience, he used to say; and the Government that
+coerces a man's conscience is worthy of "Grim Tartary." My notion is,
+then, that they 're coming against me for the arrears, as if I had n't
+any conscience too!
+
+At all events, Molly, the property is to come to _me_; and the very
+thought of it gives me a feeling of independence and pride that is
+really overwhelming. K. I.'s temper was, indeed, becoming a sore trial,
+and how I was to go on bearing it was more than I could imagine. He may
+now return to Ireland and his dear Dodsborough whenever he pleases. Mary
+Anne and I are determined to live abroad. Fortunately for us we have
+made acquaintance with a very distinguished English lady--a Mrs. Gore
+Hampton--who can introduce us everywhere. She is in the very height of
+the fashion, and knows all the great people of Europe. She took a sudden
+liking--I might call it an affection--for me and Mary Anne, and actually
+proposed our all travelling together as one party. There never was luck
+like it, Molly! She has a beautiful barouche of her own, with the arms
+on it, and a French maid and a courier, and such heaps of luggage, you
+wouldn't believe it could be carried. K. I. was afraid of the expense,
+and gave, as you may believe, every kind of opposition to the plan. He
+said it would "lead us into this," and "lead us into that;" the great
+thing he dreaded being led into--as I told him--being good society and
+high company.
+
+So far from costing us anything, I believe it will be a considerable
+saving; for, as Lord George says, "You can always make a better bargain
+at the hotels when you 're a strong party." And he has kindly taken the
+whole of this on himself.
+
+He is a wonderful young man, Lord George; and, considering his tip-top
+rank and connections, he's never above doing anything to serve, or be
+useful to us. He knows K. I. as well, too, as I do myself. "Let _me_
+alone," says he, "to manage the governor; _I_ know him. He's always
+grumbling about expense and moaning over his poverty; but you may remark
+that he does get the money somehow." And the observation is remarkably
+just, Molly; for no matter what distress or distraction he's in, he
+does contrive to rub through it; and this convinces me that he is only
+deceiving us in talking about his want of means, and so forth. Since I
+have discovered this, I never fret the way I used about expense.
+
+It was Lord George that arranged our compact with Mrs. G. "You had
+better leave all to me," said he to K. I., "for Mrs. Gore Hampton is a
+perfect child about money. She tells that old fool of a courier to put a
+hundred pounds in his bag, and he pays away till it's all gone, or till
+he says it's gone; and then she gives him another check for the same
+amount. So that she's not bored with accounts, nor ever hears of them,
+she never cares."
+
+"Of course, then," said I, "her expenses are very great."
+
+"I should say enormous," replied he; "for though personally the simplest
+creature on earth, she never objects to the cost of anything."
+
+I hinted that, with our moderate fortune, we should never be able to
+maintain a style of living equal to hers; but he stopped me short,
+saying, "Don't let that distress you; besides, she has taken such a
+fancy for you and Miss Dodd that it would be a downright cruelty to
+deny her your companionship; and at this moment, too, when really she
+requires sympathy." I was dying to ask on what account, Molly,--was it
+that she is a widow, or is she separated, and what?--but I had n't the
+courage; nor, indeed, did he give me time, for he went on so fast: "Let
+her pay half the expense, it's only fair; she has plenty of tin, and
+nothing to do with it Even then she will be a gainer, for old Grégoire
+pockets as much as he pays away."
+
+You 'd suppose, Molly, that an arrangement so liberal as this might have
+satisfied K. I. Not a bit of it His only remark was, "What 's to be the
+amount of the other half?"
+
+"Do you expect to travel about the Continent for nothing, K. I.?" said
+I. "Does your experience say that it costs so little?"
+
+"No, faith!" replied he, with that sardonic grin that almost kills me,
+"I can't say that."
+
+"Well, then," said I, "is it better for us to go about the world
+unnoticed and unknown, or to be visited and received, and made much of
+everywhere? The name of Dodd," said I, "is n't a great recommendation;
+and there 's some of us, at least, that have n't the exterior of the
+first fashion." I wish you saw how he fidgeted when I said this. "And as
+the great question is, What did we come abroad for?--"
+
+"Ay, that's exactly it!" cried he, thumping his clenched fist on the
+table with a smash that made me scream out. "What did we come abroad
+for?"
+
+"There 's no need to drive all the blood to my head, Mr. Dodd," said I,
+"to ask that. Though I am accustomed to your violence, my constitution
+may sink under it at last; but if you wish to know seriously and calmly
+why we came abroad, I 'll tell you."
+
+"Do, then," said he, folding his arms in front of him, "and I'll be
+mighty thankful for the information."
+
+"We came abroad," said I, "first of all, for--"
+
+"It was n't economy," said he, with a grin.
+
+"No, not exactly."
+
+"I'm glad of that," cried he. "I'm glad that we've got rid of one
+delusion, at least. Now, then, go on."
+
+"Maybe you 'll call refinement a delusion, Mr. Dodd," said I. "Maybe
+politeness and good-breeding, the French language and music are
+delusions? Is high society a delusion? Is the sphere we move in a
+delusion?"
+
+"I am disposed to think it is, Mrs. D.," said he, "and a very great
+delusion too. It's like nothing we were ever used to. It is not social,
+and it is not friendly. It has nothing to say, nor any concern with a
+single topic, or any one theme that we can care for. Do you know one, or
+can you even remember the names of any of the princes and princesses
+you are always discussing? Do you really care whether Mademoiselle
+Zephyrini's pirouette was steadier than Miss Angelina's? Does it concern
+you that somebody with a hard name has given the first-class order of
+the Pig and Whistle to somebody else, with a harder? Is it the meat
+stewed to rags you like, or the reputations with morality boiled out of
+them? Is it pleasant to think that, wherever you go, you meet nothing
+wholesome for mind or for body? I can stand scandal and wickedness as
+well as my neighbors, but I can't spend my life upon them, nor can I
+give up the whole day to dominos. You ask me what are delusions, and I
+tell you now some things that are not."
+
+But I would n't listen to more, Molly. I stopped him short by saying,
+"You, at least, Mr. D., have little reason for your regrets; for really,
+in all that regards your manner, language, dress, and demeanor, no one
+would ever suspect you had been a day out of Dodsborough."
+
+"I wish to my heart my bank account could tell the same story," says he;
+and with that he takes down a file of bills, and begins to read out some
+of what he calls his anti-delusions.
+
+"Do you know, Mrs. D.," says he, "that your milliner has got more money
+in the last four months than I have spent on my estate for the last
+eight years? That Genoa velvet and Mechlin lace have run away with what
+would have drained the Low Meadows! Ay, the price of that red turban,
+that made you look like Bluebeard, would have put a roof on the
+school-house. The priest of our parish at home did n't get as much for
+his dues as you gave for a seat to look at a procession in honor of
+Saint--Saint--"
+
+"If you 're going to blaspheme, Mr. D.," said I, "I 'll leave you;"and
+so I did, Molly, banging the door after me in a way that I know well his
+gouty ankle is not the better for.
+
+I mention these particulars to show you the difficulties I have to
+contend against, and the struggles it costs me to give my children the
+benefits of the Continent. I intended to tell you something about this
+place where we are stopping, too; but my head is rambling now on other
+matters, so that, maybe, I'll not be able to say much.
+
+It's a university, just like Trinity College in Dublin, only they don't
+wear gowns, nor keep within certain buildings, but scatter about over
+the whole town. We know several of the young men who are princes, and
+more or less related to crowned heads; but for all that, very simple,
+quiet, inoffensive creatures as ever you met. Billy Davis, after he was
+articled to that attorney in Abbey Street, had more impudence in him
+than them all put together.
+
+The place itself is pretty, but I think it does n't suit my
+constitution. Maybe it's the running water, for there's a big river
+under the windows, but I am never free from cold in my head, and weak
+eyes. To be sure, we are always doing imprudent things, such as sitting
+out till after midnight in a summer-house, where the young Germans come
+to sing for us,--for singing and smoking, Molly, is their two passions.
+It's a melancholy kind of music they have, that has no tune whatever,
+nor anything like a tune in it; but as Mrs. G. and my daughters agree
+that it's beautiful, why, of course, I give in, and say the same. But,
+in confidence to you, Molly, I own that it puts me to sleep at once;
+and, indeed, most of our other amusements here are of the same kind. We
+are either botanizing, or looking for stones and shells, to tell us the
+age of the world. Faith! you may well stare, Molly, but it 's truth I 'm
+saying, that is what they pretend to find out. They got an elephant's
+jawbone the other day, that gave them great delight, and K. I. said, "I
+could tell a horse's age by his teeth, but for guessing how old the
+earth is by an elephant's grinders is clear beyond me."
+
+[Illustration: 232]
+
+When it rains and we can't go out, we have chemistry at home; but I 'm
+always in a fright about the combustibles, and I 'm sure one of these
+days we 'll pay for our curiosity. That man that comes to lecture has
+n't a bit of eyebrows, and only two fingers on one hand, and half a
+thumb on the other; not to say that he sat down one day on a pocketful
+of crackers, and blew himself up in a dreadful manner.
+
+If the weather be fine,--and I was near saying, God grant it may n't--we
+are to have a course of astronomy every night next week. I can stand
+everything, however, better than "moral philosophy and economics." As
+to the first of the two, it's not even common-sense. It was only two
+evenings ago, they laughed at me for twenty minutes about a remark
+that's as true as the Bible.
+
+"What relations does Locke say are least regarded?" says the professor
+to me.
+
+"Faith! I know nothing about Locke," says I; "but I know well that the
+relations least regarded are poor relations."
+
+As to the economics, if they could enliven it a bit by experiments, as
+they do the chemistry, I could bear it well enough; but it's awfully dry
+to be always listening to what you can't understand.
+
+This is the way we live at Bonn; and though it's very elevating, I find
+it's very depressing to the spirits. But I don't think we'll remain much
+longer here, for K. I. is beginning to find out that the sciences are
+just as dear as silks and satins; and, as he remarked the other day,
+"it would be cheaper to have a dish of asparagus on the table than them
+dirty weeds that they are gathering only for the sake of their hard
+names."
+
+Of course, when all is settled about the legacy, I 'll not be obliged
+to submit to his humors, as I have been up to this. I'll have a voice,
+Molly, and I'll take care that it is heard too. I suppose it will come
+to a separation yet between us. I own to you, Molly, the "impossibility"
+of our tempers will do it at last. Well, when the time comes, I'll be,
+as Mrs. G. says, equal to the occasion. I can say, "I brought you
+rank, name, and fortune, Kenny Dodd, and I leave you with my character
+unvarnished; and maybe both is more than you deserved!"
+
+When I think of where and what I might be, Molly, and see what I am,
+I fret for a whole livelong day. And now a word about home before I
+conclude. Don't mention a syllable about the legacy to Mat, or he 'll
+be expecting a present at Candlemas, and I really can spare nothing.
+You can say to Father John that Jones McCarthy is dead, but that nobody
+knows how the estate will go. He'll maybe say some masses for him, in
+the hope of being paid hereafter by the heir. I'd advise you to keep the
+wool back, for they say prices will rise in Ireland, by reason of all
+the people leaving it, just as it's described in the Book of Genesis,
+Molly, only that Ireland is not Paradise,--that *s the difference.
+
+Mary Anne unites in her affectionate love to you, and I am your attached
+
+Jemima Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XVIII. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+
+Grand Hôtel du Rhin, Bonn.
+
+Dearest Catherine,--Forgive me if I substitute for the loved appellation
+of infancy the more softly sounding epithet which is consecrated to
+verse in every language of Europe. Yes, thou mayst be Kate of all Kates
+to the rest of Christendom, but to me thou art Catherine,--"Catrinella
+mia," as thou wilt.
+
+Here, dearest, as I sit embowered beside the wide and winding Rhine, the
+day-dream of my childhood is at length realized. I live, I breathe, in
+the land glorified by genius. Reflected in that stream is the castled
+crag of Drachenfels, mirrored as in my heart the image of my dearest
+Catherine. How shall I tell you of our existence here, fascinated by the
+charms of song and scenery, elevated by the strains of immortal verse?
+We are living at the Grand Hôtel du Rhin, my sweet child; and having
+taken the entire first floor, are regarded as something like an imperial
+family travelling under the name of Dodd.
+
+I told you in my last of our acquaintance with Mrs. Gore Hampton. It
+has, since then, ripened into friendship. It is now love. I feel the
+dangerous captivation of speaking of her, even passingly. Her name
+suggests all that can fascinate the heart and inthrall the imagination.
+She is perfectly beautiful, and not less gifted than she is lovely.
+Perhaps I cannot convey to my dearest Catherine a more accurate
+conception of this charming being than by mentioning some--a few--of the
+changes wrought by her influence on the habits of our daily life.
+
+Our mornings are scientific,--entirely given up to botany, chemistry,
+natural history, and geology, with occasional readings in political
+economy and statistics. We all attend these except papa. Even James has
+become a most attentive student, and never takes his eyes off Mrs. G.
+during the lecture. At three we lunch, and then mount our horses for
+a ride; since, thanks to Lord George's attentive politeness, seven
+saddle-horses have been sent down from Brussels for our use. Once
+mounted, we are like a school released from study, so full of gayety, so
+overflowing with spirits and animation.
+
+Where shall we go? is then the question. Some are for Godesberg, where
+we dismount to eat ice and stroll through the gardens; others, of whom
+your Mary Anne is ever one, vote for Rolandseck, that being the very
+spot whence Roland the bravo--the brave Roland--sat to gaze upon those
+convent walls that enclosed all that he adored on earth.
+
+And oh! Catherine dearest, is there amongst the very highest of those
+attributes which deify human nature any one that can compare with
+fidelity? Does it not comprise nearly all the virtues, heroic as well
+as humble? For my part, I think it should be the great theme of poets,
+blending as it does some of the tenderest with some of the grandest
+traits of the heart. From Petrarch to Paul--I mean Virginia's
+Paul--there is a fascination in these examples that no other quality
+ever evokes. My dearest Emily--I call Mrs. G. H. by her Christian name
+always--joined me the other evening in a discussion on this subject
+against Lord George James, and several others, our only cavalier being
+the Ritter von Wolfenschftfer, a young German noble, who is studying
+here, and a remarkable specimen of his class. He is tall, and what at
+first seems heavy-browed, but, on nearer acquaintance, displays one
+of those grand heads which are rarely met with save on the canvas of
+Titian; he wears a long beard and moustache of a reddish brown, which,
+accompanied by a certain solemnity of manner and a deep-toned voice,
+impress you with a kind of awe at first. His family is, I believe, the
+oldest in Germany, having been Barons of the Black Forest, in some very
+early century. "The first Hapsburg," he says, was a "knecht," or
+vassal, of one of his ancestors. His pride is, therefore, something
+indescribable.
+
+Lord George met him, I fancy, first at some royal table, and they
+renewed their acquaintance here, shyly at the beginning, but after
+a while with more cordiality; and now he is here every day singing,
+sketching, reciting Schiller and Goethe, talking the most delightful
+rhapsodies, and raving about moonlights on the Brocken, and mysticism in
+the Hartzwald, till my very brain turns with distraction.
+
+Don't you detest the "positif,"--the dreary, tiresome, tame, sad-colored
+robe of reality? and do you not adore the prismatic-tinted drapery, that
+envelops the dream-creatures of imagination? I know, dearest Catherine,
+that you do. I feel by myself how you shrink from the stern aspect of
+reality, and love to shroud yourself in the graceful tissues of fancy!
+How, then, would you long to be here,--to discuss with us themes that
+have no possible relation to anything actually existing,--to talk of
+those visionary essences which form the creatures of the unreal world?
+The "Ritter" is perfectly charming on these subjects; there is a vein of
+love through his metaphysics, and of metaphysics through his love, that
+elevates while it subdues. You will say it is a strange transition that
+makes me flit from these things to thoughts of home and Ireland; but in
+the wilful wandering of my fancy a vision of the past rises before me,
+and I must seize it ere it depart. I wish, in fact, to speak to
+you about a passage in your last letter which has given me equal
+astonishment and suffering. What, dearest Kitty, do you mean by talking
+of a certain person's "long-tried and devoted affection,"--"his hopes,
+and his steadfast reliance on my truthfulness"? Have I ever given any
+one the right to make such an appeal to me? I do really believe that no
+one is less exposed to such a reproach than I am! I have the right, if I
+please, to misconstrue your meaning, and assume a total ignorance as to
+whom you are referring. But I will not avail myself of the privilege,
+Kitty,--I will accept your allusion. You mean Dr. Belton. Now, I own
+that I write this name with considerable reluctance and regret. His many
+valuable qualities, and the natural goodness of his disposition, have
+endeared him to all of that humble circle in which his lot is cast, and
+it would grieve me to write one single word which should pain him to
+hear. But I ask you, Kitty, what is there in our relative stations in
+society which should embolden him to offer me attentions? Do we move in
+the same sphere? have we either thoughts, ideas, or ambitions--have we
+even acquaintances--in common? I do not want to magnify the position I
+hold. Heaven knows that the great world is not a sea devoid of rocks
+and quicksands. No one feels its perils more acutely than myself. But
+I repeat it: Is there not a wide gulf between us? Could _he_ live, and
+move, think, act, or plan, in the circle that I associate with? Could
+_I_ exist, even for a day, in _his?_ No, dearest, impossible,--utterly
+impossible. The great world has its requirements,--exactions, if you
+will; they are imperative, often tyrannical: but their sweet recompense
+comes back in that delicious tranquillity of soul, that bland
+imperturbability that springs from good breeding,--the calm equanimity
+that no accident can shake, from which no sudden shock can elicit a
+vibration. I do not pretend, dearest friend, that I have yet attained to
+this. I know well that I am still far distant from that great goal; but
+I am on the road, Kitty,--my progress has commenced, and not for the
+wealth of worlds would I turn back from it.
+
+With thoughts like these in my heart,--instincts I should perhaps call
+them.--how unsuited should I be to the humble monotony of a provincial
+existence! Were I even to sacrifice my own happiness, should I secure
+his? My heart responds, No, certainly not.
+
+As to what you remark of the past, I feel it is easily replied to. The
+little chapel at Bruff once struck me as a miracle of architectural
+beauty. I really fancied that the doorway was in the highest taste
+of florid Gothic, and that the east window was positively gorgeous in
+tracery. As to the altar, I can only say that it appeared a mass
+of gold, silver, and embroidery, such as we read of in the "Arabian
+Nights." Am I to blame, Kitty, that, after having seen the real
+splendors of St. Gudule, and the dome of Cologne, I can recant my former
+belief, and acknowledge that the little edifice at Bruff is poor, mean,
+and insignificant; its architecture a sham, and its splendor all tinsel?
+and yet it is precisely what I left it.
+
+You will then retort, that it is _I_ am changed! I own it, Kitty. I am
+so. But can you make this a matter of reproach?
+
+If so, is not every step in intellectual progress, every stage of
+development, a stigma? Your theory, if carried out, would soar beyond
+the limits of this life, and dare to assail the angelic existences of
+the next!
+
+But you could not intend this; no, Kitty, I acquit you at once of such
+a notion; even the defence of your friend could not make you so unjust.
+Dr. Belton must, surely, be in error as to any supposed pledges or
+promises on my part. I have taxed my memory to the utmost, and
+cannot recall any such. If, in the volatile gayety of a childish
+heart,--remember, sweetest, I was only eighteen when I left home,--I may
+have said some silly speech, surely it is not worth remembering, still
+less recording, to make me blush for it. Lastly, Kitty, I have learned
+to know that all real happiness is based upon filial obedience; and
+whatever sentiments it would be possible for me to entertain for Dr. B.
+would be diametrically opposed to the wishes of my papa and mamma.
+
+I have now gone over this question in every direction I could think of,
+because I hope that it may nevermore recur between us. It is a theme
+which I advert to with sorrow, for really I am unable to acquit of
+presumption one whose general character is conspicuous for a modest and
+retiring humility. You will acquaint him with as much of the sentiments
+I here express as you deem fitting. I leave everything to your excellent
+delicacy and discretion. I only beg that I may not be again asked for
+explanations on a matter so excessively disagreeable to discuss, and
+that I may be spared alluding to those peculiar circumstances which
+separate us forever. If the time should come when he will take a more
+reasonable and just view of our respective conditions, nothing will be
+more agreeable to me than to renew those relations of friendship which
+we so long cultivated as neighbors; and if, in any future state I may
+occupy, I can be of the least service to him, I beg you to believe that
+it will be both a pride and a pleasure to me to know it.
+
+It is needless, after this, to answer the question of your postscript.
+Of course he must not write to me. Nothing could induce me to read his
+letter. That he should ever have thought of such a thing is a proof--and
+no slight one--of his utter ignorance of all the conventional rules
+which regulate social intercourse. But a truce to a theme so painful.
+
+I answer your brief question of the turn-down of your letter as curtly
+as it is put. No; I am not in love with Lord George, nor is he with
+me. We regard each other as brother and sister; we talk in the most
+unreserved confidence; we say things which, in the narrower prejudices
+of England, would be infallibly condemned. In fact, Kitty, the sway of
+a conscientious sense of right, the inward feeling of purity, admit of
+many liberties here, which are denied to us at home. Here I tell you,
+in one word, what it is that constitutes the superiority in tone of
+the Continent over our own country,--I should say it was this very same
+freedom of thought and action.
+
+The language is full of a thousand graceful courtesies that mean so much
+or so little. The literature abounding in analysis of emotions,--that
+secret anatomy of the heart, so fascinating and so instructive; the
+habits of society so easy and so natural; and then that chivalrous
+homage paid to the sex,--all contribute to extend the realms of
+conversational topics, and at the same time to admit of various ways of
+treating them, such as may suit the temper, the talent, or the caprice
+of each. How often does it happen from this that one hears the gravest
+themes of religion and politics debated in a spirit of the most
+sparkling wit and levity, while subjects of the most trivial kind
+are discussed with a degree of seriousness and a display of learning
+actually astounding! This wonderful versatility is very remarkable in
+another respect; for, strange enough, it is the young people abroad who
+are the gravest in manner, the most reserved and most saturnine.
+
+The high-spirited, the buoyant, and most daring talkers are the elderly.
+In a word, Kitty, everything here is the reverse of that at home; and,
+I am forced to confess, possesses a great superiority over our own
+notions.
+
+I am dying to tell you more of the Ritter, which, I must explain to you,
+is the German for "Chevalier." If you want a confession, too, I will
+make one; and that is that he is desperately in love with a poor friend
+of yours, who feels herself quite unworthy of the devotion of this scion
+of thirty-two quarterings.
+
+In a worldly point of view, Kitty, the possibility of such an event
+would be brilliant beyond conception. His estates are a principality,
+and his Schloss von Wölfenberg one of the wonders of the Black Forest.
+Does not your heart swell and bound, dearest, at the thought of a real
+castle, in a real forest, with a real baron, Kitty?--one of those cruel
+creatures, perhaps, who lived in feudal times, and always killed a
+child, to warm their feet in his heart's blood? Not that our Ritter
+looks this. On the contrary, he is gentle, low-voiced, and dreamy,--a
+little too dreamy,--if I must say it, and not sufficiently alive to
+the rattling drolleries of Lord George and James, who torment him
+unceasingly.
+
+Mamma likes him immensely, though their intercourse is limited to mere
+bows and greetings; and even papa, whose prejudice against foreigners
+increases with every day, acknowledges that he is very amiable and
+good-tempered. Cary appears to me to be greatly taken with him, but he
+never notices her, nor pays her the slightest attention. I 'm sure I
+wish he would, and I should be delighted to contribute towards such a
+conjuncture. Who knows what may happen later, for he has invited us
+all to the Schloss for the shooting-season,--some time, I believe, in
+autumn,--and papa has said "Yes."
+
+I now come to another secret, dearest Kitty, depending on all your
+discretion not to divulge it, at least for the present. Mamma has
+received a confidential note from Waters, the attorney, informing her
+that she is to succeed to the McCarthy estates and property of the late
+Jones M'Carthy, of M'Carthy's Folly. The amount is not yet known to us,
+and we are surrounded by such difficulties, from our desire to keep the
+matter secret, that we cannot expect to know the particulars for some
+time. The estates were considerable; but, like those of all the Irish
+aristocracy, greatly encumbered. The personal property, mamma
+thinks, could not have been burdened, so that this alone may turn out
+handsomely.
+
+By some deed of settlement, or something of the kind, executed at
+papa's marriage with mamma, he voluntarily abandoned all right over
+any property that should descend to her, so that she will possess
+the unlimited control over this bequest. Mr. Waters mentions that
+the testator desired--I am not certain that he did not require as a
+condition--that we should take the name of McCarthy. I hope so with all
+my heart I do not believe that anything could offer such obstacles to
+us abroad as this terrible and emphatic monosyllable; now, Dodd M'Carthy
+has a rhythm in it, and a resonance also.
+
+It sounds territorially, too; like the _de_ of French nobility. We
+should figure in fashionable "Arrivals and Departures" with a certain
+air of distinction that is denied to us at present; and I really do not
+see why we should not be "The M'Carthy." You know, dearest, that the
+Herald's office never interferes about Celtic nobility, inasmuch as its
+origin utterly defies investigation; and there are, consequently, no
+pains nor penalties attached to the assumption of a native title. How
+I should be delighted to hear us announced as "The M'Carthy, family and
+suite," with an explanatory paragraph about papa being the blue or the
+black knight. The English are always impressed with these things,
+and foreigners regard them with immense devotion. There is another
+incalculable advantage, Kitty, not to be overlooked. All little
+eccentricities of manner, little peculiarities of accent, voice, and
+intonation, of which neither pa nor ma are totally exempt, instead of
+being criticised, as some short-sighted folk might criticise them, as
+vulgar, low, and commonplace, rise at once to the dignity of a national
+trait.
+
+They are like Breton French, or certain Provençal expressions in use
+amongst the ancient "Seigneurie" of the land. They actually dignify
+station, instead of disgracing it, so that a "brogue" seems to seal
+the very patent of your nobility, and the mutilations of your parts of
+speech stand for quarterings on your escutcheon.
+
+It might seem invidious were I to quote the instances which support my
+theory; but I assure you, seriously, that social success, to be rapid,
+requires aids like these. There was a time when being a Villiers, a
+Stanley, or a Seymour gave you a kind of illusory nobility. You were a
+species of human shot-silk, that turned blue in one light, and brown
+in another; but now that Burke is read in the national schools, and the
+"Almanach de Gotha" in the godless colleges, deception on this head is
+impossible. They take you "to book" at once. You can't be one of the
+Howards of Ettinham, for Lady Mary died childless; nor one of the
+Worseley branch, for the present Marquis, who married Lady Alice de
+Courtenaye, had only two children,--one, British envoy at the Court of
+Prince of Salms und Schweinigen; the other, &c. In fact, Kitty, you are
+voted nobody. They will not allow you father nor mother, uncle nor aunt,
+nor even any good friends. Better be Popkins, or Perkins, Snooks, or
+even Smith, than this! The Celtic _noblesse_, however, is a safe refuge
+against all impertinent curiosity. Tracing the Dodd M'Carthy to his
+parent stem would be like keeping count of the sheep in Sancho's story.
+Besides, matters of succession are made matters of faith in the Church,
+and why shouldn't they be in the M'Carthy family? I don't suppose we
+want to be more infallible than the Pope?
+
+I have not forgotten what you mentioned about your brother Robert; nor
+was it at all necessary, my dear Kitty, for you to speak of his
+talents and acquirements, which I well know are first-rate. I took an
+opportunity the other day of alluding to the master to Lord George, who
+has influence in every quarter. I told him pretty much in the words
+of your letter, that he was equally distinguished in science as in
+classics, had taken honors in both, and was in all other respects fully
+qualified to be a tutor. That, being a gentleman by birth, though
+of small fortune, his desire was to obtain the advantages of foreign
+travel, and the opportunity of acquiring modern languages, for which he
+was quite willing to assume all the labor and fatigue of a teacher. He
+stopped me short here by saying, "I 'm afraid it 's no go. They 've made
+a farce, and a devilish good one, too, of the 'Irish Tutor;' and I half
+suspect that Dr. O'Toole, as he is called, has spoiled the trade."
+
+I tried to introduce a word about Robert's attainments, but he broke in
+with,--"That 's all very well; I 'm quite sure of everything you say.
+But who takes a 'coach'?"--That's the slang for tutor, Kitty!--"No one
+takes a 'coach' for his learning nowadays. What's wanted--particularly
+when travelling--is a sharp, wide-awake fellow, that knows all the
+dodges of the Continent as well as a courier, can bully the police, quiz
+the custom-house, and slang the waiters. He ought to be up to the opera
+and the ballet; be a dead hand at écarté, and a capital judge of cigars.
+After these, his great requisites are never ceasing good-humor, and a
+general flow of high spirits, to stand all the bad jokes and vapid fun
+of young college men; a yielding disposition to go anywhere, with any
+one, and for anything that may be proposed; and, finally, a ready tact
+never to suppose himself included in any invitation with his 'Bear,'
+who, however well he may treat him, will always prefer leaving him at
+home when he dines at an 'Embassy.'"
+
+This is a rapid sketch of a tutor's life and habits, as practised
+abroad, Kitty; and I more than suspect Robert would not like it. Should
+I be in error, however, and that such would suit his views, I'm sure
+I can reckon on Lord George's kindness to find him an appointment.
+Meanwhile let him "accustom himself to much smoking and occasional
+brandy-and-water, lay in a good stock of droll anecdotes, and if he can
+acquire any conjuring knowledge, or tricks on the cards, it will aid him
+greatly." These hints are Lord G. 's, and, I am sure, invaluable.
+
+A thunderstorm has just broken over the valley of the Rhine, and the
+dread artillery of heaven comes pealing down from the "Lurlie" like a
+chorus of demons in a mod-era opera. Our excursion being impossible, I
+once more resume my task, and again seat myself to hold communion with
+my dearest Kitty.
+
+I find, besides, innumerable questions still unanswered in your last
+dear letter. You ask me if, on the whole, I am happier than I was at
+Dodsborough? How could you ever have penned such a quaere? The tone of
+seriousness which you tell me of, in my letters, admits perhaps of a
+softer epithet May it not be that soul-kindled elevation that comes of
+daily association with high intelligences? If I were but to tell you the
+names of the illustrious writers and great thinkers whom we meet here
+almost every evening, Kitty, you would no longer be amazed at the
+soaring flight my faculties have taken. Not that they appear to us, my
+dearest friend, in the mystic robes of science, but in the humble garb
+of common life, playing "groschen" whist, or a game of tric-trac. Just
+fancy, if you can, Professor Faraday playing "petits jeux," or Wollaston
+engaged at "hunt the slipper."
+
+These are the intimacies, this the kind of intercourse, which
+imperceptibly cultivate the mind, and enlarge the understanding; for, as
+Mrs. Gore Hampton beautifully observes, "The charm of high-bred manner
+is not to be acquired by attendance on a 'levee' or a 'drawing-room,' it
+is imbibed in the atmosphere that pervades a court, in the daily, hourly
+association with that harmonious elegance that surrounds a sovereign."
+So, dearest Kitty, from intercourse with great minds is there a
+perpetual gain to our stock of knowledge. "They are," as Mrs. G. says,
+"the charged machines from which the electric sparks of genius are
+eternally disengaging themselves." What a privilege to be the receivers!
+
+There is a wondrous charm, too, in their simplicity, as well as in that
+habit they have of mystically connecting the most trivial topics with
+the most astounding speculations. A fairy tale becomes to _them_ a
+metaphysical allegory. You would scarcely credit what curious doctrines
+of socialism lie veiled under "Jack the Giant Killer," or that the
+Marquis of Carabas, in the tale of "Puss in Boots," is meant to
+illustrate the oppression of the landed aristocracy. Nor is this all,
+Kitty; but they go further, and they are always speculating on something
+beyond the actual catastrophe of a story; as, the other evening, I heard
+a learned argument to show that had Bluebeard not been killed, he would
+have inevitably formed an alliance with "Sister Anne," just for the sake
+of supporting the cause of "marriage with a deceased wife's sister."
+I only mention these as passing instances of that rich Imaginative
+fertility which is as much their characteristic as is their wonderful
+power of argumentation.
+
+Lord George and James worry me greatly for my admiration of Germany and
+the Germans. They talk, in slang, on themes that require a high strain
+of intelligence to comprehend or even appreciate. No wonder, then, if
+their frivolity offend and annoy me! The Bitter von Wolfenschäfer
+is an unspeakable relief to me, after this tiresome quizzing. Shall I
+own that Cary is their ally in the same ignoble warfare? Indeed, nothing
+surprises, and at the same time depresses me more than to remark the
+little benefit derived by Caroline from foreign travel. She would seem
+to sit down perfectly contented with the information derived from books,
+as though the really substantial advantages of a residence abroad were
+not all dependent on direct intercourse with the people. "Why not read
+Uhland and Tieck at home at Dodsborough?" say I to her. "To what end do
+you come hundreds of miles away from your country, to do what might so
+easily have been accomplished at home?" What do you think was her reply?
+It was this: "That is exactly what I should like to do. Having seen some
+parts of the Continent, having enjoyed the spectacle of those wonderful
+things of nature and of art which a tour abroad would display, and
+having acquired that facility in languages which comes so rapidly by
+their daily use, I should like to go home again, adding to the pleasures
+my own country supplies, stores of knowledge and resources from other
+lands. I neither want to think that Frenchmen and Germans are better
+bred than my own countrymen, nor that the rigid decorum of English
+manners is only a flimsy veil of hypocrisy thrown over the coarse vices
+of a coarse people."
+
+Now, my dear Kitty, be as national and patriotic as one will; play "Rule
+Britannia" every morning, with variations, on the piano; wear a Paisley
+shawl and a Dunstable bonnet; make yourself as hideous and absurd as
+the habits of your native country will admit of,--and that is a wide
+latitude,--you will be obliged to own the startling fact, the Continent
+_is_ more civilized than England. Daily life is surrounded with more
+of elegance and of refinement, for the simple reason that there is
+more leisure for both. There is none of that vulgarity of incessant
+occupation so observable with us. Men do not live here to be Poor-law
+guardians and Quarter Sessions chairmen, directors of railroads, or
+members of select committees. They choose the nobler ambition of mental
+cultivation and intellectual polish. They study the arts which adorn
+social intercourse, and acquire those graceful accomplishments which
+fascinate in the great world, and, in the phrase of the newspapers,
+"make home happy."
+
+I have now come to the end of my paper, and perhaps of your patience,
+but not of my arguments on this theme, nor the wish to impress them upon
+my dearest Kitty. Adieu! Adieu!
+
+I can understand your astonishment at reading this, Kitty; but is it
+not another proof that Ireland is far behind the rest of the world in
+civilization? The systems exploded everywhere are still pursued there,
+and the unprofitable learning that all other countries have abandoned is
+precisely the object of hardest study and ambition.
+
+There are twenty other things that I wished to consult my dearest Kitty
+about, but I must conclude. It is now nigh eleven o'clock, the moon is
+rising, and we are off on our excursion to the Drachenfels,--for you
+must know that one of the stereotyped amusements of the Continent is to
+ascend mountains for the sake of seeing daybreak from the "summit" It
+is frequently a failure as regards the picturesque; but never so
+with respect to the pleasure of the trip. Think of a mountain path by
+moonlight, Kitty; your mule slowly toiling up the steep ascent, while
+some one near murmurs "Childe Harold" in your ear, the perils of the
+way permitting a hundred little devotional attentions so suggestive of
+dependence and protection. I must break off,--they are calling for me;
+and I have but time to write myself my dearest Kitty's dearest friend,
+
+Mart Anne Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XIX. BETTY COBB TO MRS. SHUSAN O'SHEA, PRIEST'S HOUSE, BRUFF.
+
+Dear Misses Shusan,--I thought before this I 'd be back again in Bruff,
+but I leave it all to Providence, that maybe, all the time, is thinkin'
+little about me. It's not out of any unpiety I say this, but bekase the
+longer I live the more I see how sarvants are trated in this world; and
+the next I 'm towld is much the same.
+
+If the mistress would let me alone, I 'd get used to the ways of the
+place at last, for there 's some things is n't so bad at all; since we
+came to this we have four males every day, but, if you mind grace,
+you might as well have none. They've a puddin' for everything,
+fish--flesh--fowl--vegebles, it's all alike; but the hardest thing is to
+eat blackberries with beef, or stewed pork with rasberries;
+not to spake of a pike with pine-apple, that we had yesterday.
+
+There is always an abundance and a confusion at dinner that's plazing to
+one's feelin's; for, indeed, in Ireland there is no great variety in
+the servants' hall, and polatics has a sameness in them that's very
+tiresome.
+
+We are livin' now at an elegant hotel, where we sit down forty-seven of
+us every day, at the sound of a big bell at one o'clock. They call it
+the table doat, and I don't wonder they do, for it's the pleasantest
+place I ever see. We goes down, linked arm-in-arm, me and Lord George's
+man, Mister Slipper, and the Frinsh made lan in' on Moun-seer Gregory,
+the currier; and there's as much bowin' and scrapin', or more, than
+upstairs in the parlor. Mr. Slipper takes the head of the table, and I
+am on his rite, and mam-eel on his left, and the dishes all cams to us
+first, and we tumble the things about, and helps ourselves to the best
+before the others, and we laff so loud, Shusan, for Mr. Slipper is
+uncommon drol, and tells a number of stories that makes me cry for
+laffin'; and he is just as polite, too, for whinever he tells anything
+wrong he says it in French. And if you only heerd the way masters and
+mistresses is spoke of, Shu-san, you 'd pity poor sarvants that has to
+live with them, and put up with their bad 'umors. Mr. Slipper himself
+is trated like a dog, on eighty pounds a year, and what he calls the
+spoils,--that's the close that's spoiled. Many the day he never sees the
+newspaper, for Lord G. sticks it in his pocket, and carries it out with
+him; and when he went out to tay, the other evenin', there was n't an
+embroidered shirt of his master's to put on, and he was obleeged to take
+a plain cambric to make a clane breast of it! "Faix," says he, "there's
+no sayin' what will happen soon, and maybe the day 'll cum I 'll have
+to buy my own cigars." He had an iligant place before this one,--Sir
+Michael Bexley,--but tho' the wagis was high, and the eating first-rate,
+he could n't stay. "We wore in Vi-enna," says he, "where they dance a
+grate dale in sosiety, and Sir Michael's hands and feet was smaller than
+mine, and I could n't wear either his kid gloves or his dress-boots, and
+goin' out every night the expense was krushin'."
+
+Mamsel is trated just as bad. It's maybe three when she gets to bed; her
+mistress, Mrs. G., would n't take a flour out of her head herself, but
+must have the poor crayture waitin' there, like a centry. And maybe it's
+at that time o' night she 'll take the notion of seein' how it bekomes
+her to have her hare, this way or that, or to see if she'd look better
+with more paint on her, or if her eyebrows was blacker.
+
+Sometimes, too, she takes a fit of tryin' ball dresses, five or six,
+one after another; but mamsel says, she thinks she cured her of that by
+dropping some lamp oil over a bran new white satin, with Brussels lace,
+that was never worn at all. As Mr. Slipper says, "Our ingenuity is taxed
+to a degree that destroys our dispositions;" and I may here observe,
+Shusan, that all sarvants ever I heerd of get somehow worse trated than
+Irish. I don't mane in regard to wagis, bekase the Irish cartainly gets
+laste, but I spake of tratement; and the rayson is this, Shusy, the
+others do their work as a kind of duty, a thing they 're paid for, and
+that they ought to do; we, the Irish I mane, do everything as if it was
+out of oar own goodness, and that we would n't do it if we did not like;
+and that's the real way to manage a master or a mistress. If he asks
+for a knife at diner, sure he can't deny it's a knife bekase it's dirty,
+there would n't be common sense in that. There's two ways of doin'
+everything, Shusan; but, easy as it is, the Irish is the only people
+profits by the lesson! It's only ourselves, Shusan dear, knows how to
+make a master or mistress downright miserable!
+
+It is true we seldom have good wagis, but we take it out in temper. If
+ye seen the life I sometimes lead the mistress you'd pity her; but why
+would you after all? wasn't I taken away from my home and country, and
+put down here in a strange place; and if I did n't spend the day now
+and then cryin', would she ever think of razing my sperits with a new
+bonnet, or a pare of shoes, or a ticket for the play? Take _them_ azy,
+Shusy, and they 'll take _you_ the same. But if you show them they 're
+in your power, take to your bed, sick, when they 're in a hot hurry,
+and want you most, be sulky and out of sperits when they 're all full of
+fun, and go singin' about the house the day they 've got a distressin'
+letter by the post,--keep to that, and my shure and sartain beleef is,
+that you 'll break down the sperit of the wickidest master and mistress
+that ever breathed.
+
+Isn't my mistress, I ask you, as hard to dale with as any? Well, many's
+the time, when I 'm listenin' at the doore, I beerd her say, "Betty
+can't bear me in that shawl,--Betty put it somewhere, and I 'm afraid to
+ask for it,--Betty's in one of her tantrums to-day, so I must not cross
+her. I wish I knew how to put Betty Cobb in good humor." "Faix, ma'am,"
+says I to myself, "I believe you well, and it would puzzle wiser heads
+nor you!"
+
+And now, Misses Shusan dear, is it any wonder that our tempers get
+spoiled? seein' the lives we lade, and the dreadful turns and twists
+we are obleeged to give our natral dispositions. It's for all the world
+like play-actin'.
+
+There's many things different betune this and home, and first and
+foremost religion, Shusan. Religion is n't the same at all. To begin,
+there's no fastin' at all, or next to none; maybe that's bekase, by
+the nature of the cookery, nobody could tell what it was he was eatin'.
+Then, there 's little penance,--and the little there is ye can get
+off of it by a thrifle. Ye go to confessin' whin ye like, and ye keep
+any-thing back for another time that ye don't wish to tell just then. In
+fact, my dear, it comes to this,--it's harder to go to Heaven in Ireland
+than any place ever I heerd of, and costs more money into the bargain!
+
+The priests has n't half the power they have in Ireland, they 're not
+as well paid, and they can't curse a congregation, nor do any other good
+action that isn't set down in their duty. It's the polis, Shusy, that
+makes ye tremble abroad, and that's the great difference between the two
+countries.
+
+As to morils, my dear, I 'm afraid we 're not supariar, for it's the
+women always makes love to the men, which, till you get used to it, has
+a mighty ugly appearance. I b'l'eve it's the smokin' leads to this, for
+a German would n't take his pipe out of his mouth for anything; so that
+courtin' is n't what it is at home.
+
+These is my general remarks on the habits of furriners, which I give you
+as free as you ask for them. As to the family, nobody knows where the
+money comes from, but that they're spendin' it in lashins, is true as
+I'm here. And they 're broke up, Shusy, and not the way they used to be.
+The master walks out alone, or with Miss Caraline. Miss Mary Anne stays
+with the mother; and Master James, that's now a grone man, and as bowld
+as brass besides, is always phelanderin' about with Mrs. G., the lady
+that lives with us. I mistrust her, Shusan dear, and Mamsel Virginy, her
+made, too, though she's mighty kind and polite to _me_, and says she has
+so many "bounties" for the whole family.
+
+Paddy Byrne is exactly what you suspect. There's nothin' would put the
+least polish on him. The very way he ates at the table doat disgraces
+us; whenever he gets a thing he likes, instead of helpin' himself and
+passin' it on, he takes the whole dish before him, and conshumes it all.
+As he is always ready to fite, they let him do as he likes, and he is
+become now the terror of the place. I have towld ye now about everybody
+but the ould currier, Mounseer Gregory, an invetherate ould Frinsh
+bla'guard, that never has a dacent word in his month, though he has n't
+a good tooth in it, and ye'd say 't was at his prayers the ould hardened
+sinner should be. The very laff he has, and the way his bleery eyes
+twinkle, is a shame to see! It's nigh to fifty years since he took to
+the road, so that you may think, Shusan dear, what a dale of inequity
+he's seen in that time. It's dreadful sometimes to listen to him.
+
+If I was n't ashamed to write them, I 'd tell you two or three of his
+stories, but I will when we meet; and now with my hearty blessin' and
+love, I remane yours to command,
+
+Betty Cobb.
+
+What's this I heer about one of the M'Carthys dyin', and levin' his
+money to the mistress? Get the news right for me, Shusan dear, for I
+mane to ask for more wagis if it's true, and if Mrs. D. won't decrease
+them, I'll lave the sarvis. Mamsel Virginy towl me last nite there was
+a duchés here that wants a confidenshal made to tache her only daughter
+English, and that's exactly the thing to shoot me; five hundred franks
+a year is equal to twenty pounds, all eatin' and washin', not to mention
+the hoith of respect from all the men-ials in the house. I'm takin'
+Frinsh lessons from ould Gregory every evenin', and he says I 'll be in
+my "accidents" next week.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XX. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQUIRE, TRINITY COLLEGE,
+DUBLIN.
+
+You guessed rightly, my dear Bob; my letter to Vickars has turned
+out confoundedly ill, though I must say, all from his total want of
+gentlemanlike feeling. To my ineffable horror the other morning,
+the post arrived with a large packet for the governor, containing my
+"strictly private and confidential" epistle, which this infernal son of
+a pen-wiper sends coolly back to be read by my father.
+
+Matters were not going on exactly quite smooth before. We had had
+a rather stormy sitting of the Cabinet the evening previous on the
+estimates, which struck the President of the Council as out of all
+bounds; and yet, all things considered, were reasonable enough. You
+know, Bob, we are a strongish party. Mrs. G. H., with maid and courier;
+Lord George and man; the Dodd family five, with two native domestics,
+and two foreign supernumeraries; occupying the first floor of the first
+hotel at Bonn, with a capital table, and a considerable quantity of
+wine, of one kind or other; these--without anything that one can call
+extravagance--swell up a bill, and at the end of a month give it an
+actually formidable look.
+
+"What are these?" said the governor, peering through his glasses at a
+long battalion of figures at the foot of the score,--"what are these?
+Groschen, eh?"
+
+"Pardon, Monsieur le Comte," said the other, bowing, "dey are Prussian
+thalers!"
+
+I wish you saw his face when he heard it! George and I were obliged to
+bolt out of the room, or we should have infallibly exploded.
+
+"You 'd better go back," said George to me after we had our laugh out;
+"I 'll take a stroll with the womenkind till you smooth him down a bit."
+
+A pleasant office this for me; but there was no help for it, so in I
+went.
+
+The first shock of his surprise was not over as I entered, for he
+stood holding the bill in one hand, while he pressed the other on his
+forehead, with a most distracted expression of face.
+
+"Do you suspect," said he--"have you any notion of what rate we are
+living at, James?"
+
+"Not the slightest," replied I.
+
+"Do you think it 's of any consequence?" asked he again, in a harsher
+tone.
+
+"Why, of course, sir, it--is--of some con--"
+
+"I mean," broke he in, "does it signify whether I go to jail, and the
+rest of you to the workhouse,--if there be a workhouse in this rascally
+land?"
+
+Seeing that he had totally forgotten the landlord's presence, I now
+motioned to that functionary to leave the room. The noise of the door
+shutting roused up the governor again. He looked wildly about him for
+an instant, and then snatching up the poker he aimed a blow at a large
+mirror over the chimney. He struck it with such violence that it was
+smashed in a dozen pieces, four or five of which came clattering down
+upon the floor.
+
+[Illustration: 256]
+
+"I'll be a maniac," cried he. "They shall never say that I ran into
+this extravagance in my sober senses; I 'll finish my days in a madhouse
+first." And with these words he made a rush over to a marble table,
+where a large porcelain vase was standing; by a timely spring I overtook
+him, and pressed him down on an ottoman, where, I assure you, it
+required all my force to hold him. After a few minutes, however, there
+came a reaction; he dropped the poker from his grasp, and said, in a
+low, faint voice, "There--there--I 'll do nothing now--you may release
+me."
+
+There 's not a doubt of it, Bob, but he really was insane for a few
+moments, though, fortunately, it passed away as rapidly as it came.
+
+"That," said he, with a motion towards the looking-glass,--"that will
+cost twenty or twenty-five pounds, eh?"
+
+"Not so much, perhaps," said I, though I knew I was considerably below
+the mark.
+
+"Well, I 'm sure it saved me from a fit of illness, anyhow," rejoined
+he, sighing. "If I hadn't smashed it, I think my head would have burst.
+Go over that, James, and see what it is in pounds."
+
+I sat down to a table, and after some calculation made out the total to
+be two hundred and seven pounds sterling.
+
+"And with the looking-glass, about two hundred and thirty," said he,
+with a sigh. "That's about--taking everything into consideration--five
+thousand a year."
+
+"You must remember," said I, trying to comfort him, "that these are not
+our expenses solely. There 's Tiverton and his servant, and Mrs. Gore
+Hampton and her people also."
+
+"So there is," added he, quickly; "but they had nothing to do with
+_that_;" and he pointed to the confounded looking-glass, which somehow
+or other had taken a fast hold of his imagination. "Eh, James, that was
+a luxury we had for ourselves!" There was a bitter, sardonic laugh that
+accompanied these words, indescribably painful to hear.
+
+"Come now," said he, in a more composed and natural voice, "let us see
+what 's to be done. This is a joint account, James; why not have sent it
+to Lord George--ay, to the widow also? They may as well frank the Dodd
+family as _we_ pay for _them_,--of course, omitting the looking-glass."
+
+I hinted that this was a step requiring some delicacy in its management;
+that, if not conducted with great tact, it might be the occasion of
+deep offence. In a word, Bob, I surmised, and conjectured, and hinted a
+hundred things, just to gain a little time, and turn him, if possible,
+into another channel.
+
+"Well, what do you advise?" said he, as if wishing to fix me to some
+tangible project.
+
+For a moment I was bent on adopting the grand parliamentary tactic of
+stating that there were "three courses open to the House," and then
+going on to show that one of these was absurd, the second impracticable,
+and the last utterly impossible; but I saw that the governor could not
+be so easily put down as the Opposition, and so I said, "Give it till
+to-morrow morning, and I'll see what can be done."
+
+Here I felt I was on safe ground, for throughout life I have ever
+remarked that whenever an Irishman is in difficulties, a reprieve is
+as good as a free pardon to him; for so is it, the land which seems
+so thoroughly hopeless in its destinies, contains the most hopeful
+population of Europe!
+
+The delay of a few hours made all the difference in the governor's
+spirits, and he rallied and came down to supper just as usual, only
+whispering, as we left the room, with a peculiar low chuckle in
+his voice, "I would n't wonder if the fire there cracked that
+chimney-glass."
+
+"Nothing more likely," added I, gravely; and down we went.
+
+It might possibly be out of utter recklessness, or perhaps from some
+want of a stimulant to cheer him, but he insisted on having two extra
+bottles of champagne, and he toasted Mrs. Gore Hampton with a zest
+and fervor that certainly my mother didn't approve of. On the whole,
+however, all passed off well, and we wished each other goodnight, with
+the pleasantest anticipations for the morrow.
+
+All was well; and we were at breakfast the next morning, merrily
+discussing the plans for the day, when the post arrived, with that
+ominous-looking packet I have already mentioned.
+
+"Shall I guess what that contains?" cried Lord George, pointing to the
+words, "on her Majesty's service," printed in the corner. "They 've made
+you Lord-Lieutenant of your county, Dodd! You shake your head. Well,
+it's something in the colonies they 've given you."
+
+"Perhaps it's the Civil Cross of the Bath," said Mrs. Gore Hampton.
+"They told me, before I left town, they were going to select some
+Irishman for that distinction."
+
+"I 'd rather it was a baronetcy," interposed my mother.
+
+"You are all forgetting," broke in my father, "that it's the Tories
+are in power, and they 'll give me nothing. I was always a moderate
+politician, and, for the last ten or fifteen years, there was nothing so
+unprofitable. Violence on either side met its reward, but the quiet men,
+like myself, were never remembered."
+
+"Then hang me if I should have been quiet!" cried Lord George.
+
+"Well, you see," said my father, breaking his egg slowly with the back
+of his spoon, "it suited me! I've seen a great deal of Ireland; I 'm
+old enough to remember the time when the Beresfords governed
+the country,--if you can call that government that was done with
+pitched-caps and cat-o'-nine-tails,--and I remember Lord Whitworth's
+Administration, and Lord Wellesley's, and latterly, Lord Normandy's.
+But, take my word for it, they were wrong, every one of them, and the
+reason was this: the English had a notion in their heads that Ireland
+must always be ruled through the intervention of some leadership or
+other. One time it was the Protestants, then it was the landlords, then
+came Dan O'Connell, and, lastly, it was the priests. Now, every one
+of these failed, because they could n't perform a tithe of what they
+promised; but still they all had that partial kind of success that saved
+the Administration a deal of trouble, and imposed upon the English the
+notion that they were at last learning how to govern Ireland. Meanwhile
+I 'll tell you what was happening. The Government totally forgot there
+was such a thing as a people in Ireland, and, what's worse, the people
+forgot it themselves; and the consequence was, they sank down to the
+level of a mean party following--a miserable, shabby herd--to shout
+after an Orange or a Green Demagogue, as the case might be. It was a
+faction, and not a nation; and England saw that, but she had not the
+honesty to own it was her own doing made it such. It was seeing all this
+made me a moderate politician, or, in other words, one who reposed a
+very moderate confidence in either of the parties that pretended to rule
+Ireland."
+
+"But you supported your friend, Vickars, notwithstanding," said Lord
+George, slyly.
+
+"Very true, so I did; but I never put forward any mock patriotism as the
+reason. What I said was, 'Ye 're all rogues and vagabonds alike, and
+as I know you 'll do nothing for Ireland, at least do something for the
+Dodd family;' and now let us see if he has, for I perceive that this
+address is in his handwriting."
+
+I own to you, Bob, I quaked somewhat as I saw him smash the seal. My
+mind misgave me in fifty ways. "Vickars," thought I, "has given me some
+infernal store-keepership in the Gambia, or made me inspector of yellow
+fever in Chusan." I surmised a dozen different promotions, every one
+of which was several posts on the road to the next world. Nor were my
+anticipations much brightened by watching the workings of the governor's
+face as he perused the epistle; for it grew darker and darker, the
+angles of the mouth were drawn down, till that expressive feature put
+on the semblance of a Saxon arch, while his eyes glistened with an
+expression of fiend-like malice.
+
+"Well, K. I.," said my mother, in whom the Job-like element was not of
+a high development,--"well, K. I., what does he say? Is it the old story
+about his list being full, or has he done it at last?"
+
+"Yes, ma'am," said my father, as though echoing her words. "He has done
+it at last!"
+
+"And what is it to be, papa? Is it something that a gentleman can
+suitably accept?" cried Mary Anne.
+
+"Done it at last, you may well say!" muttered my father, half aloud.
+
+"Better late than never," cried Lord George, gayly.
+
+"Well, I don't know _that_, my Lord," said my father, turning upon him
+with an abruptness little short of offensive; "I am not so sure that
+I quite coincide with you. If a young fellow enters life totally
+uneducated and unprovided for, his only certain heritage being the
+mortgages on his father's property, and perhaps," he added with a
+sneer,--"and perhaps some of his mother's virtues, I say I am not
+exactly convinced that he has improved his chances of worldly success by
+such a production as _that!_"
+
+And with these words, every one of which he delivered with a terrible
+distinctness, he handed a letter across the table to Lord George, who
+slowly perused it in silence.
+
+"As for _you_, sir," continued my father, turning towards me, "I grieve
+to inform you that no vacancy at present offers itself in the Guards,
+nor in the household, where your natural advantages could be remarked
+and appreciated. It will be, however, a satisfaction to you to know that
+your high claims are already understood, and well thought of, in the
+proper quarter. There's Mr. Vickars's letter." And he presented me with
+the note, which ran thus:--
+
+"Dear Mr. Dodd,--By the enclosed letter, bearing your son's signature, I
+have discovered how totally below his just expectations would be any
+of those official appointments which are within the limits of my humble
+patronage to bestow.
+
+"I have, consequently, cancelled the minute of his nomination to a place
+in the Treasury, which was yesterday conferred upon him, and having
+myself no influence in either of those departments to which his wishes
+incline, I have but to express the regret I feel at my inability to
+serve him, and the great respect with which I beg to remain,
+
+"Your very faithful servant,
+
+"Haddington Vickars."
+
+Board of Trade, London.
+
+"To Mr. James K. Dodd, Bonn."
+
+
+I am able to give you the precious document word for word; for, if I
+went over it once, I did so twenty times.
+
+"Perhaps you might like to refresh your memory by a glance at the
+enclosure," said my father. "My Lord George will kindly hand it to you."
+
+"It is a devilish good letter, though, I must say," broke in George;
+who, to do him justice, Bob, never deserts a friend in difficulties.
+"It's all very fine of this fellow to talk of his inability to do this,
+that, and t' other. Sure, we all know how they chop and barter their
+patronage with one another. One says, you may have that thing at
+Pernambuco, and then another says, 'Very well, there 's an ensigncy in
+the Fifty-ninth.' And that's only gammon about the appointment made
+out yesterday; he wants to ride off on that. A sharp fellow your friend
+Vickars! He 'd look a bit surprised, however, if you were to say that
+this letter of 'Jem's' was a forgery, and that you most gratefully
+accept the nomination he alludes to, and which, of course, is not yet
+filled up."
+
+"Eh, what! how do you mean?" cried my father, eagerly, for he caught at
+the very shadow of a chance with desperate avidity.
+
+"I was only in jest," said Lord George, who merely wanted, as he
+afterwards said, "to hustle the governor through the deep ground" of
+his anger. "I was in jest about them, for 'Jem's' letter is so good, so
+exceedingly well put, that it would be downright folly to disavow it.
+You have no idea," continued he, gravely, "what excellent policy it is
+always to ask for a high thing. They respect you for it, even when
+they give you nothing; and then, when you do at last receive some
+appointment, it is so certain to be beneath what you solicited, it
+establishes a claim for your perpetual discontent. You go on eternally
+boring about neglect, and so on. You accepted the humble post of Envoy
+at Stuttgard, for instance, under an implied pledge about Vienna or
+Constantinople. Besides these advantages, it is also to be remembered
+that every now and then they actually do take a fellow at his own
+valuation, and give him what he asks for."
+
+"Lord George is quite right," chimed in Mrs. Gore Hampton; "half of
+these things are purely accidental. I remember so well my uncle writing
+to beg that the tutor of his boys might get some small thing in the
+Church, just at the moment when the bishop of the diocese had died, and
+the minister, reading the letter carelessly,--my uncle's hand is very
+hard to decipher,--mistook the object of the request, and appointed him
+to the bishopric."
+
+"In that case," remarked my father, dryly, "I think Mrs. D. had better
+indite an epistle to the Home Office."
+
+And, although this was said in a sneer, the laughter that followed went
+far to restore us all to good-humor, particularly as Lord George took
+the opportunity of explaining to Mrs. Gore Hampton what had occurred,
+bespeaking her aid and influence in our behalf.
+
+"It is so absurd," said she, "that one should have any difficulty about
+these things, but such is the case. The Duchess will be certain to make
+excuses; she cannot ask for something, because she _is_ 'in waiting,' or
+she is not in waiting. Lord Harrowcliff is sure to tell me that he
+has just been refused a request, and cannot subject himself to another
+humiliation; but I always reply, these are most selfish arguments, and
+that I really must have what I want; that a refusal always attacks
+my nerves, and that I will not be ill merely to indulge a caprice of
+theirs. What is it Mr. James wants?"
+
+There was something so practical in this short question, Bob, something
+so decisive, that had she been talking the rankest absurdity but the
+moment before, we should have forgotten it all in an instant.
+
+"A mere nothing," replied Lord George. "You'll smile when you hear what
+we 're making such a fuss about." As he said these words, he muttered
+in the governor's ear, "It's all right now; she detests asking a favor,
+but, if she _will_ stoop to it--" An expressive gesture implied that
+success was certain.
+
+"Well, you have n't told me what it is," said she again.
+
+Lord George passed round to the back of her chair, and whispered a few
+words. She replied in the same low tone, and then they both laughed.
+
+"You don't mean to say," cried she, turning to my father, "that you have
+experienced any difficulty about this trifle?"
+
+The governor blundered out some bashful confession, that he had
+encountered the most extraordinary obstacles to his wishes.
+
+"I really think," said she, sighing, "they do these things just to
+provoke people. They wanted Augustus t' other day to go out to the
+Cape, and I assure you it was as much as Lady Mary could do to have the
+appointment changed. They said his 'regiment' was there. '_Tant pis_ for
+his regiment!' replied she. 'It must be a most disgusting station.' And
+that is, I must say, the worst of the Horse Guards; they are always so
+imperative,--so downright cruel. Don't you agree with me, Mrs. Dodd?"
+
+"They could n't be worse than the regiment I 've heard my father speak
+of," replied my mother. "They were called the 'North Britains,' and were
+the wickedest set of wretches in the rebellion of '98."
+
+This unhappy blunder set my father into a roar of laughter, for latterly
+it is only on occasions like this that he is moved to any show of
+merriment. Mrs. Gore Hampton, of course, never noticed the mistake, but
+saying, "Now for my letters," ordered her writing-desk to be brought: a
+sign of promptitude that at once diverted all our thoughts into another
+channel.
+
+"Shall I write to the Duke or to Lady Mary first?" said she, pondering;
+and her eyes, accidentally falling upon my mother, she thought herself
+the person addressed, and replied,--
+
+"Indeed, ma'am, if you ask _me_, I'd say the Duke."
+
+"I'm for Lady Mary," interposed Lord George. "There's nothing like a
+woman to ferret out news, and find a way to profit by it. The duke will
+just say, casually, 'I've got a letter somewhere--I hope I have not
+mislaid it--about a vacancy in the "Coldstreams;" if you hear of
+anything, just drop me a hint. By the way--is Fox in the Fusiliers
+still?'--or, 'I hope they'll change that shako, it's monstrous!' Now,
+my Lady Mary will go another way to work. She'll remember the name of
+everybody that can be possibly useful. She 'll drive about, and give
+little dinners, and talk, and flatter, and cajole, and intrigue, and,
+growing distant here, and jealous there, she'll bring into action a
+thousand forces that mere men-creatures know nothing of."
+
+"I'm for the Duke still," said my mother; and Mary Anne, by an
+inclination of her head, showed that she seconded the motion.
+
+It became now an actual debate, Bob, and you would be amazed were I to
+tell you what strong expressions and angry feelings were evoked by mere
+partisanship, on a subject whereupon not one of us had the slightest
+knowledge whatsoever. My father and I were with Tiverton, and as
+"Caroline walked into the lobby," as George phrased it, we carried the
+question. Mrs. G., however, declared that, beside the casting voice,
+she had a right to a vote, and, giving it to my mother's side, we were
+equal. In this stage of the proceedings a compromise alone could be
+resorted to, and so it was agreed that she should write to both by the
+same post; but the discussion had already lost us a day, for the mail
+went out while my mother was "left speaking."
+
+I have probably been prolix, my dear friend, in all this detail, but it
+will at least show you how the Dodd family conduct questions of internal
+policy; and teach you, besides, that Cabinets and Councils of State have
+no special prerogative for folly and absurdity, since even small and
+obscure folk like ourselves can contest the palm with them.
+
+Neither could you well believe what small but bitter animosities, what
+schisms, and what divisions grew out of a matter so insignificant as
+this. The remainder of the day was passed gloomily enough, for we each
+of us avoided the other, with that misgiving that belongs to those who
+have uneasy consciences.
+
+They say that a good harvest often saves a bad administration; certainly
+a fine day will frequently avert a domestic broil. Had the morning which
+followed our debate been a favorable one, the chances are we should have
+been away to the Seven Mountains, or the village of Konigswinter, or
+some such place; bad luck would have it that the rain came down in
+torrents from daybreak, heavy clouds gathered over the Rhine, shutting
+out the opposite bank from view, so that nothing remained to us but
+home resources, which is but too often a brief expression for row and
+recrimination.
+
+Breakfast over, each of us, as if dreading a "call of the House,"
+affected some peculiarly pressing duty that he had to perform. The
+governor retired to pore over his accounts, and tried to make out that
+the debit against him in his bankbook was a balance in his favor. My
+mother retreated to her room to hold a grand inspection of her wardrobe;
+a species of review that always discovers several desertions, and a vast
+amount of "unserviceables." Leaving her and Mary Anne in court-martial
+over Betty Cobb, who, as usual, when brought up for sentence, claimed
+the right to be sent home, I pass on to Lord George, whose wet days are
+generally devoted to practising some new "hazard off the cushion,"
+or the investigation of that philosopher's stone, a martingale at
+Rouge-et-Noir, and I arrive at my own case, which invariably
+resolves itself into a day of gun and pistol cleaning,--an occupation
+mysteriously linked with gloomy weather, as though one ought to have
+everything in readiness to blow his brains out, if the mercury continued
+to fall.
+
+Mrs. G. had a headache, and Caroline was in pursuit of one over the
+pages of the "Thirty Years' War." Such was the tableau of the Dodd
+family on this agreeable day. I don't give myself much up to reflection,
+Bob. I have always thought that as life is a road to be travelled, one
+step forward is worth any number in the opposite direction; but I vow to
+you that, on this occasion, I did begin to ponder a little over the past
+and the present, with a half-glance at the future. What the governor had
+said the day before was no more than the truth,--we _were_ living at
+a tremendous rate. If all belonging to us were sold, the capital would
+scarcely afford six or seven years of such expenditure. These were
+serious, if not stunning reflections, and I heartily wished they had
+occupied any other head than my own.
+
+To _you_--who have always given your brains their own share of
+work--thinking is no labor. It's like a gallop to a horse in hard
+bunting condition, and only serves to keep him in wind; but to _me_,
+whose faculties are, so to say, fresh from grass, the fatigue of thought
+is no trifling infliction. Slow men, I take it, suffer more than your
+clever fellows on these occasions, since their minds are not suggestive
+of expedients, and they go on plodding over the same ground, till they
+make a beaten course in their poor brains, like an old race-ground.
+Something in this fashion must have occurred to me; for by dint of
+that dreary morning's rumination, I half made up my mind to emigrate
+somewhere, and if I did n't exactly know where, the fault lies more in
+my geography than my spirit of enterprise.
+
+The only book I could lay my hands on likely to give me any information
+was "Cook's Voyages;" and this, I remembered, was in the governor's
+room. I at once descended the stairs, and had just reached the little
+conservatory outside of it, when I caught sight of a woman's dress
+beneath the thick foliage of the orange-trees. I crept noiselessly
+onward, and after a very devious series of artful dodges, I detected
+Mrs. D. playing eavesdropper at the governor's door.
+
+I tried to persuade myself that I was mistaken. I did my best to fancy
+that she was botanizing or "bouquet" gathering; but no, the stubborn
+fact would not be denied. There she was, bent down, with ear and eye
+alternately at the keyhole. Neither the act nor the situation were very
+dignified, and determining that she should not be detected by any other
+in this predicament, I kicked down a flower-pot, and, before I had well
+time to replace it, she was gone.
+
+I 'm quite prepared for the laugh you 'll give, Bob, when I own to
+you that no sooner had I seen her vanish from the horizon than I
+deliberately took my place exactly where she had been. Of course, my
+sense of honor and delicacy suggested that I had no other object in
+view than to ascertain what it was that bad drawn her to the spot. Any
+curiosity that possessed me was strictly confined to this.
+
+I accordingly bent my ear to the keyhole, and had just time to recognize
+Mrs. Gore Hampton's voice, when the noise of chairs being drawn back,
+and the scuffling sounds of feet, showed that the interview had come
+to an end. Scarcely a moment was left me to shelter myself among the
+leaves, when the door opened, "discovering," as stage directions would
+say, Mr. Dodd and Mrs. Gore Hampton in conversation.
+
+There was really a dramatic look in the situation too. The governor's
+flowered dressing-gown and velvet skullcap, decorated in front by his
+up-raised spectacles, like a portcullis over his nose, contrasted so
+well with the graceful morning robe of Mrs. G., all floating and gauzy,
+and to which her every gesture imparted some new character of vapory
+lightness.
+
+"Dear Mr. Dodd," said she, pressing his hand with extreme cordiality,
+"you have been so very, very kind, I really have no words to express
+what I feel towards you. I have long felt that I owed you this
+explanation--I have tried to summon courage for it for weeks past--then
+I sometimes doubted how you might receive it."
+
+"Oh, madam!" interrupted he, gracefully closing his drapery with one
+hand, while he pressed the other on his heart.
+
+"You kind creature!" cried she, enthusiastically. "I can now wonder at
+myself that I should ever have admitted a doubt on the question. But
+if you only knew what sorrows I have seen--if you only knew with what
+severe lessons mistrust and suspicion have become graven on this heart,
+young as it is--"
+
+"Ah, madam!" murmured he, as though the last few words had made the
+deepest impression upon him.
+
+"Well, it's over now," cried she, in her more natural tone of gayety.
+"The weary load is off me, and I am myself again,--thanks to you, dear,
+dear kind friend."
+
+Faith, Bob, from the enthusiasm of the utterance of this last speech, I
+thought that a stage embrace ought to have followed; and I believe that
+the governor was of my mind too, and only restrained by some real or
+fancied necessity to keep his toga closed in front of him. Mrs.
+G., however, as though fearing that he might ultimately forget the
+"unities," again pressed his hand with both her own, and murmuring,
+"With you, then, my secret is safe,--to _you_ all is confided," she
+hurried away, as if overcome by her feelings.
+
+I could not guess what might have reached my mother's ears, but I
+thought to myself, if she only had heard even this much, and witnessed
+the fervor with which it was uttered, the governor's life for the next
+few weeks needs not be envied by any one out of a condemned cell. Not
+that to _me_ the scene admitted of any interpretation which should
+warrant her suspicions; but so it is, she takes a jealous turn every now
+and then, and he can't take a pinch of snuff without her peering over
+his shoulder to see if he has not got a miniature in the lid of the box.
+He used to try to reason her out of these notions,--his vindications
+even took the dangerous length of certain abstract opinions about the
+sex in general, very far from complimentary; but latterly he has sought
+refuge in drink, which usually ends in an illness, so that an attack of
+jealousy was the invariable premonitory symptom of one of gout; and my
+mother's temper and tincture of colchicum seemed inseparably connected
+by some unseen link.
+
+From these thoughts I followed on to others about the scene itself,
+and what possible circumstance could have led Mrs. G. H. to visit the
+governor in his own room, and what was the prodigious mystery she had
+just confided to his keeping. Probability, I fear, takes up little space
+in any speculation about a woman. I am sure that if I were to recount to
+you one-half of the absurd and extravagant fancies that occurred to me
+on this occasion, you would infallibly set me down as mad. I 'll not tax
+your patience with the recital, but frankly confess to you that I have
+not a clew, even the slightest, to the mystery; nor from the manner in
+which I have learned its existence, can I venture to ask Lord George to
+aid me.
+
+The incident had one effect,--it totally banished emigration, clearings,
+and log huts from my mind, and set my thoughts a rambling upon all
+the strange people and extraordinary events that travelling abroad
+introduces one to; and with this reflection I strolled back to my room,
+and sat brooding over the fire till it was time to dress for dinner.
+Although you may not have the vaguest notion of what is passing in the
+minds of certain people, the very fact that they are fully occupied
+with certain strong feelings is a reason for observing them with an
+extraordinary interest; and so was it that our party at table that day
+was full of meaning to me. There was a kind of languid repose about
+Mrs. Gore Hampton's manner which seemed especially assumed towards the
+governor, and a certain fidgety consciousness in _his_, sufficiently
+noticeable; while my mother, dressed in one of her war turbans, looked
+unutterably fierce things on every side. It was easy enough to see
+that all this additional weight upon the safety-valves of her temper
+threatened a terrible explosion at last, and it required all the tact
+I could muster to my aid to defer the catastrophe. Lord George gave me,
+too, his willing aid, and by the help of an old Professor of Oriental
+Languages, we made up her rubber of whist in the evening.
+
+Alas, Bob! even four by honors couldn't console her for the "odd
+trick" she suspected the governor was playing her; and she broke up the
+card-table, and retired with that swelling dignity of manner that is the
+accompaniment of injured feelings.
+
+It had been our plan to proceed from this place direct to Baden-Baden,
+which, from everything I can learn, must be a perfect paradise; but now,
+to my great surprise, I discovered that for some secret reason we
+should first go to Ems, and remain there a week or two before proceeding
+further. This arrangement was Mrs. G's, and Lord George seemed to give
+it his hearty concurrence; alleging, but for the first time, that it
+was absurd to think of Baden before the middle of July. I could easily
+perceive that this change of purpose contained some mysterious motive;
+but, as Tiverton persisted in averring that it was "all on the square,"
+and "no double," I had to accept it as such.
+
+Such is, therefore, our position as I write these lines; and although
+to-morrow might develop the first movement of the campaign, I cannot
+keep my letter open to communicate it You will see that we are as
+divided as a Ministerial Cabinet. Some of us, doubtless, have their
+honest convictions, and others are, perhaps, plastic enough to receive
+impressions from without, but how we are to work together, and how, as
+the great authority said, the "Government is to be carried on," is more
+than yet appears to
+
+Your ever attached friend,
+
+James Dodd.
+
+I open my letter to say that Lord G. has just dropped in to tell me what
+is the plan of procedure. The Grand Duchess of Hohenschwillinghen is to
+arrive at Ems this week, and Mrs. G. H. is anxious to wait upon her at
+once. They were dear friends once, but something or other interposed a
+coolness between them of late years. Lord G. endeavored to explain this,
+but I couldn't follow the story. It was something about one of our royal
+family wanting to marry, or not to marry, somebody else, and that Mrs.
+G. H. or the Duchess had promoted or opposed the match. Suffice, it was
+a regular kingly shindy, and all engaged in it were of the blood royal.
+
+The really important thing at the moment is that the governor is to
+conduct Mrs. G. H. to-morrow to Ems, and we are to follow in a day
+or two. How my mother will receive this information, or who is to
+communicate it to her, are questions not so easily solved.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXI. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER.
+
+My dear Molly,--If it wasn't that I am supported in a wonderful way, and
+that my appetite keeps good for the bit I eat, I would n't be able to
+sit down here and relate the sufferings of my afflicted heart There has
+been nothing but trials and tribulations over me since I wrote last, and
+I knew it was coming, too, for that dirty beast, Paddy Byrne, upset
+the lamp, and spilled all the oil over the sofa the other evening; and
+whilst the others were scouring and scrubbing with spirit of soap and
+neumonia, I sat down to cry heartily, for I foresaw what was coming; and
+I knew well that spilt oil is the unluckiest thing that ever happens in
+a family.
+
+Maybe I wasn't right The very next morning Betty Cobb goes and cuts my
+antic lace flounce down the middle, to make borders for caps; and that
+wasn't enough, but she puts the front breadth of my new flowered satin
+upside down, so that, "to make the roses go right," as James says, "I
+ought to walk on my head." That's spilt oil for you!
+
+Whilst I was endeavoring to bear up against these with all Christian
+animosity, in comes the post-bag. The very sight of it, Molly, gave me a
+turn; and, I declare to you, I knew as well there was bad news in it as
+if I was inside of it. You've often beard of a "presentment" Molly,
+and that's what I had; and when you have that, it's no matter what it's
+about, whether it's a road that's broke up, or a bridge that's broke
+down, take my advice, and never listen to what they call "reason," for
+it's just flying in the face of Providence. I had one before Mary Anne
+was born. I thought the poor baby would have the mark of a snail on her
+neck; and true enough, the very same week K. I. was shot through the
+skirts of his coat, and came home with five slugs in him; and when you
+think, as Father Maher said, "Slugs and snails are own brothers," or, at
+least, have a strong anomaly between them, my dream came true; not but I
+acknowledge, gratefully, that in this case the fright was worse than the
+reality.
+
+Well, to come back to the bag; I looked at it, and said to myself, as I
+often said to K. I., "Smooth and slippery as you seem without, there's
+bad inside of you;" and you 'll see yourself if I was n't right both
+ways.
+
+The first letter they took out was for myself, and in Waters's
+handwriting. It began with all the balderdash and hard names the lawyers
+have for everything, trying to confuse and confound, just as, Father
+Maher says, the "scuttle-fish" muddies the water before he runs away;
+but towards the end, my dear, he grew plainer and more conspicuous, for
+he said, "You will perceive, by the subjoined account, that after the
+payment of law charges, and other contingent expenses, the sum at your
+disposal will amount to twelve hundred and thirty-four pounds six and
+ninepence-halfpenny." I thought I 'd drop, Molly, as I read it; I
+shook and I trembled, and I believe, indeed, ended with a strong fit of
+screeching, for my nerves was weak before, and really this shock was
+too much for any constitution. Twelve hundred and thirty-six! when I
+expected, at the very least, fifteen or sixteen thousand pounds! It was
+only that very blessed morning that I was planning to myself about a
+separation from K. I. I calculated that I 'd have about six hundred a
+year of my own; and, out of decency sake, he could n't refuse me three
+or four more, and with this, and my present knowledge of the Continent,
+I thought I 'd do remarkably well. For I must observe to you, Molly,
+that there's no manner of disgrace, or even unpleasantness, in being
+separated abroad. It is not like in Ireland, where everybody thinks the
+worse of you both; and, what between your own friends and your husband's
+friends, there is n't an event of your private life that 's not laid
+bare before the world, so that, at last, the defence of you turns out
+to be just as dreadful as the abuse. No, Molly, here it's all different
+Next to being divorced, the most fashionable thing is a separation, and
+for one woman, in really high life, that lives with her husband, you 'll
+find three that does not. I suppose, like everything else in this sinful
+world, there's good and there 's bad in this custom. When I first came
+abroad, I own, I disliked to see it. I fancied that, no matter how it
+came about, the women was always wrong. But that was merely an Irish
+prejudice, and, like many others, I have lived to get rid of it. There
+'s nothing convinces you of this so soon as knowing intimately the
+ladies that are in this situation.
+
+Of all the amiable creatures I ever met, I know nothing to compare with
+them. It is not merely of manners and good breeding that I speak,
+but the gentle, mild quietness of their temper,--a kind of submissive
+softness that, I own to you, one can't have with their husbands, and
+maybe that's the reason they 've left them. I merely mention this to
+show you that if I had a reasonably good income, and was separated from
+K. I., there 's no society abroad that I mightn't be in; and, in fact,
+my dear Molly, I may sum all up by saying that living with your husband
+may give you some comfort when you 're at home, but it certainly
+excludes you from all sympathy abroad; and for one friend that you have
+in the former case, you 'll have, at the least, ten in the latter.
+
+This will explain to you why and how my thoughts ran upon separation,
+for if I had stayed in Ireland, I 'm sure I 'd never have thought of
+it; for I own to you, with shame and sorrow, Molly, that we know no more
+about civilization in our poor Ireland "than," as Lord George says, "a
+prairie bull does about oil-cake."
+
+You may judge, then, of what my feelings was when I read Waters's
+letter, and saw all my elegant hopes melting like jelly on a hot plate.
+Twelve hundred pounds! Was it out of mockery he left it to me? Faith,
+Molly, I cried more that night than ever I thought to do for old Jones
+M'Carthy! Myself and Mary Anne was as red in the eyes as two ferrets.
+
+The first, and of course the great shock was the loss of the money,
+and after that came the thought of the way K. I. would behave when he
+discovered my disappointment. For I must tell you that the bare idea of
+my being independent drove him almost crazy. He seemed, somehow, to have
+a kind of lurking suspicion that I'd want to separate, and now, when he
+'d come to discover the trifle I was left, there would be no enduring
+his gibes and his jeers. I had it all before me how he 'd go on,
+tormenting and harassing me from daylight to dark. This was dreadful,
+Molly, and overcame me completely. I knew him well; and that he would
+n't be satisfied with laughing at my legacy, but he 'd go on to abuse
+the M'Carthy family and all my relations. There's nothing a low man
+detests like the real old nobility of a country.
+
+Mary Anne and I talked it all over the whole night, and turned it every
+way we could think. If we kept the whole secret, it would save "going
+into black" for ourselves and the servants, and that was a great object;
+but then we could n't take the name of M'Carthy after that of Dodd,
+quartering the arms on our shield, and so on, without announcing
+the death of poor Jones M'Carthy. There was the hitch; for Mary Anne
+persisted in thinking that the best thing about it all was the elegant
+opportunity it offered of getting rid of the name of Dodd, or, at the
+least, hiding it under the shadow of M'Carthy.
+
+Ah, my dear Molly, you know the proverb, "Man proposes, but fate
+opposes." While we were discoursing over these things, little I guessed
+the mine that was going to explode under my feet. I mentioned to you in
+my last, I think, a lady with whom we agreed to travel in company,--a
+Mrs. Gore Hampton, a very handsome, showy woman,--though I own to you,
+Molly, not what I call "one of _my_ beauties."
+
+She is tall and dark-haired, and has that kind of soft, tender way with
+men that I remark does more mischief than any other. We all liked her
+greatly at first,--I suppose she determined we should, and spared no
+pains to suit herself to our various dispositions. I 'm sure I tried to
+be as accommodating as she was, and I took to arts and sciences that
+I could n't find any pleasure in; but I went with the stream, as the
+saying is, and you 'll see where it left me! I vow to you I had my
+misgivings that a handsome, fine-looking young woman was only thinking
+of dried frogs and ferns. They were n't natural tastes, and so I kept a
+sharp eye on her. At one time I suspected she was tender on Lord George,
+and then I thought it was James; but at last, Molly darling, the truth
+flashed across me, like a streak of lightning, making me stone blind
+in a minute! What was it I perceived, do you think, but that the real
+"Lutherian" was no other than K. I. himself? I feel that I 'm blushing
+as I write it The father of three children, grown-up, and fifty-eight in
+November, if he's not more, but he won't own to it.
+
+There's things, Molly, "too dreadful," as Father Maher remarks, "for
+human credulity," and when one of them comes across you in life, the
+only thing is to take up the Litany to St Joseph, and go over it once or
+twice, then read a chapter or two of Dr. Croft's "Modern Miracles of the
+Church," and by that time you're in a frame to believe anything. Well,
+as I had n't the book by me, I thought I 'd take a solitary ramble by
+myself, to reflect and consider, and down I went to a kind of greenhouse
+that is full of orange and lemon trees, and where I was sure to be
+alone.
+
+K. I. has what he calls his dressing-room--it's little trouble dressing
+gives him--at the end of this; but I was n't attending to that, but
+sitting with a heavy heart under a dwarf fig-tree, like Nebuchadnezzar,
+and only full of my own misfortunes, when I heard through the trees the
+rustling sound of a woman's dress. I bent down my head to see, and there
+was Mrs. G. in a white muslin dressing-gown, but elegantly trimmed with
+Malines lace, two falls round the cape, and the same on the arm, just as
+becoming a thing as any she could put on.
+
+"What's this for?" said I to myself; for you may guess I knew she
+did n't dress that way to pluck lemons and green limes; and so I sat
+watching her in silence. She stood, evidently listening, for a minute
+or two; she then gathered two or three flowers, and stuck them in her
+waist, and, after that, she hummed a few bars of a tune, quite low,
+and as if to herself. That was, I suppose, a signal, for K. I.'s door
+opened; and there he stood himself, and a nice-looking article he was,
+with his ragged _robe de chambre_, and his greasy skull-cap, bowing
+and scraping like an old monkey. "I little knew that such a flower
+was blooming in the conservatory," said he, with a smirk I suppose he
+thought quite captivating.
+
+"You do not pretend that you selected your apartment here but in the
+hope of watching the unfolding buds," replied she; and then, with
+something in a lower voice, to which he answered in the same, she passed
+on into his room, and he closed the door after her.
+
+I suppose I must have fainted, Molly, after that. I remembered nothing,
+except seeing lemon and orange trees all sliding and flitting about, and
+felt myself as if I was shooting down the Rhine on a raft. Maybe it's
+for worse that I 'm reserved. Maybe it would have been well for me if
+I was carried away out of this world of woe, wickedness, and artful
+widows. When I came to myself, I suddenly recalled everything; and it
+was as much as I could do not to scream out and bring all the house to
+the spot and expose them both. But I subdued my indigent feelings, and,
+creeping over to the door, I peeped at them through the keyhole.
+
+K. I. was seated in his big chair, she in another close beside him. He
+was reading a letter, and she watching him, as if her life depended on
+him.
+
+"Now read this," said she, thrusting another paper into his hand, "for
+you 'll see it is even worse."
+
+[Illustration: 278]
+
+"My heart bleeds for you, my dear Mrs. Gore," said he, taking off his
+spectacles and wiping his eyes, and red enough they were afterwards, for
+there was snuff on his handkerchief,--"my heart bleeds for you!"
+
+These were his words; and why I didn't break open the door when I heard
+them, is more than I can tell.
+
+"I was certain of your sympathy; I knew you 'd feel for me, my dear Mr.
+Dodd," said she, sobbing.
+
+"Of course you were," said I to myself. "He was the kind of old fool
+you wanted. But, faith, he shall feel for _me_, too, or my name is not
+Jemima."
+
+"I don't suppose you ever heard of so cruel a case?" said she, still
+sobbing.
+
+"Never,--never," cried he, clasping his hands. "I did n't believe it was
+in the nature of man to treat youth, beauty, and loveliness with such
+inhumanity. One that could do it must be a Creole Indian."
+
+"Ah, Mr. Dodd!" said she, looking up into his eyes.
+
+"In Tartary, or the Tropics," said he, "such wretches may be found, but
+in our own country and our own age--"
+
+"Ah, Mr. Dodd," said she, again, "it is only in an Irish heart such
+generous emotions have their home!"
+
+The artful hussey, she knew the tenderest spot of his nature by an
+instinct! for if there was anything he could n't resist, it was the
+appeal to his being Irish. And to show you, Molly, the designing
+craft of her, _she_ knew that weakness of K. I. in less than a month's
+acquaintance, that _I_ did n't find out till I was eight or nine years
+married to him.
+
+For a minute or two my feelings overcame me so much that I could n't
+look or listen to them; but when I did, she had her hand on his arm, and
+was saying in the softest voice,--
+
+"I may, then, count upon your kindness,--I may rest assured of your
+friendship."
+
+"That you may,--that you may, my dear madam," said he.
+
+Yes, Molly, he called her "madam" to her own face.
+
+"If there should be any cruel enough, ungenerous enough, or base
+enough," sobbed she, "to calumniate me, _you_ will be my protector;
+and beneath _your_ roof shall I find my refuge. _Your_ character--your
+station in society--the honorable position you have ever held in
+the world--your claims as a father--your age--will all give the best
+contradiction to any scandal that malevolence can invent. Those dear
+venerable locks--"
+
+Just as she said this, I heard somebody coming, and in haste too, for a
+flower-pot was thrown down, and I had barely time to make my escape to
+my own room, where I threw myself on my bed, and cried for two hours.
+
+I have gone through many trials, Molly. Few women, I believe, have seen
+more affliction and sorrow than myself; from the day of my ill-suited
+marriage with K. I. to the present moment, I may say, it has been out
+of one misery into another with me ever since. But I don't think I ever
+cried as hearty as I did then, for, you see, there was no delusion
+or confusion possible! I heard everything with my own ears, and saw
+everything with my own eyes.
+
+I listened to their plans and projects, and even heard them rejoicing
+that, because he was stricken in years, and the father of a grown
+family, nobody would suspect what he was at "Those dear venerable
+locks," as she called them, were to witness for him!
+
+Oh, Molly, wasn't this too bad; could you believe that there was as much
+duplicity in the world as this? _I_ own, _I_ never did. I thought I saw
+wickedness enough in Ireland. I know the shameless way I was cheated in
+wool, and that Mat never was honest about rabbit-skins. But what was all
+that compared to this?
+
+When I grew more composed, I sent for Mary Anne, and told her
+everything; but just to show you the perversity of human nature, she
+would n't agree to one word I said. It was law papers, she was sure,
+that Mrs. G. was showing; she had something in Chancery, maybe, or
+perhaps it was a legacy "tied up," like our own, "and that she wanted
+advice about it" But what nonsense that was! Sure, he needn't be the
+father of a family to advise her about all that. And there I was, Molly,
+without human creature to support or sustain me! For the first time
+since I came abroad, I wished myself back in Dodsborough. Not, indeed,
+that K. I. would ever have behaved this way at home in Ireland, with the
+eyes of the neighborhood on him, and Father Maher within call.
+
+I passed a weary night of it, for Mary Anne never left me, arguing and
+reasoning with me, and trying to convince me that I was wrong, and if I
+was to act upon my delusions, that I 'd be the ruin of them all. "Here
+we are now," said she, "with the finest opportunity for getting into
+society ever was known. Mrs. G. is one of the aristocracy, and intimate
+with everybody of fashion: quarrel with her, or even displease her,
+and where will we be, or who will know us? Our difficulties are already
+great enough. Papa's drab gaiters, and the name of Dodd, are obstacles
+in our way, that only great tact and first-rate management can get over.
+When we are swimming for our lives," said she, "let us not throw away
+a life-preserver." Was n't it a nice name for a woman that was going to
+shipwreck a whole family.
+
+The end of it all was, however, that I was to restrain my feelings, and
+be satisfied to observe and watch what was going on, for as they could
+have no conception of my knowing anything, I might be sure to detect
+them.
+
+When I agreed to this plan, I grew easier in my mind, for, as I remarked
+to Mary Anne, "I 'm like soda-water, and when you once draw the cork,
+I never fret nor froth any more." So that after a cold chicken, cut up
+with salad, a thing Mary Anne makes to perfection, and a glass of white
+wine negus, I slept very soundly till late in the afternoon.
+
+Mary Anne came twice into my room to see if I was awake, but I was lying
+in a dreamy kind of half-sleep, and took no notice of her, till she said
+that Mrs. Gore Hampton was so anxious to speak to me about something
+confidentially. "I think," said Mary Anne, "she wants your advice
+and counsel for some matter of difficulty, because she seems greatly
+agitated, and very impatient to be admitted." I thought at first to say
+I was indisposed, and could n't see any one; but Mary Anne persuaded me
+it was best to let her in; so I dressed myself in my brown satin with
+three flounces, and my jet ornaments, out of respect to poor Jones that
+was gone, and waited for her as composed as could be.
+
+Mary Anne has often remarked that there's a sort of quiet dignity in my
+manner when I 'm offended, that becomes me greatly. I suppose I'm more
+engaging when I am pleased. But the grander style, Mary Anne thinks,
+becomes me even better. Upon this occasion I conclude that I was looking
+my very best, for I saw that Mrs. G. made an involuntary stop as she
+entered, and then, as if suddenly correcting herself, rushed over to
+embrace me.
+
+"Forgive my rudeness, my dear Mrs. Dodd, and although nothing can be
+in worse taste than to offer any remark upon a friend's dress, I must
+positively do it. Your cap is charming,--actually charming."
+
+It was a bit of net, Molly, with a rosette of pink and blue ribbon on
+the sides, and only cost eight francs, so that I showed her that
+the flattery didn't succeed. "It's very simple, ma'am," said I, "and
+therefore more suitable to my time of life."
+
+"Your time of life," said she, laughing, so that for several minutes she
+could n't continue. "Say _our_ time of life, if you like, and I hope and
+trust it's exactly the time in which one most enjoys the world, and is
+really most fitted to adorn it."
+
+I can't follow her, Molly; I don't know what she said, or did n't say,
+about princesses, and duchesses, and other great folk, that made no
+"sensation" whatever in society till they were, as she said, "like us."
+She is an artful creature, and has a most plausible way with her; but
+this I must say, that many of her remarks were strictly and undeniably
+true; particularly when she spoke about the dignified repose and calm
+suavity of womanhood. There I was with her completely, for nothing
+shocks me more than that giggling levity one sees in young girls; and
+even in some young married women.
+
+We talked a great deal on this subject, and I agreed with her so
+entirely that I was in danger every moment of forgetting the cold
+reserve that I ought to feel towards her; but every now and then it came
+over me like a shudder, and I bridled up, and called her "ma'am" in a
+way that quite chilled her.
+
+"Here, it's four o'clock," said she, at last, looking at her watch, "and
+I have n't yet said one word about what I came for. Of course you know
+what I mean?"
+
+"I have not that honor, ma'am," said I, with dignity.
+
+"Indeed! Then Mr. Dodd has not apprised you--he has mentioned nothing--"
+
+"No, ma'am, Mr. Dodd has mentioned nothing;" and this I said with a
+significance, Molly, that even stone would have shrunk under.
+
+"Men are too absurd," said she, laughing; "they recollect nothing."
+
+"They do forget themselves at times, ma'am," said I, with a look that
+must have shot through her.
+
+She was so confused, Molly, that she had to pretend to be looking for
+something in her bag, and held down her head for several seconds.
+
+"Where can I have laid that letter?" said she. "I am so very careless
+about letters; fortunately for me I have no secrets, is it not?"
+
+This was too barefaced, Molly, so I only said "Humph!"
+
+"I must have left it on my table," said she, still searching, "or
+perhaps dropped it as I came along."
+
+"Maybe in the conservatory, ma'am," said I, with a piercing glance.
+
+"I never go there," said she, calmly. "One is sure to catch cold in it,
+with all the draughts."
+
+The audacity of this speech gave me a sick feeling all over, and I
+thought I 'd have fainted. "The effrontery that could carry her through
+that," thought I, "will sustain her in any wickedness;" and I sat there
+powerless before her from that minute.
+
+"The letter," said she, "was from old Madame de Rougemont,
+who is in waiting on the Duchess, and mentions that they will reach Ems
+by the 24th at latest. It's full of gossip. You know the old Rougemont,
+what wonderful tact she has, and how well she tells everything."
+
+She rattled along here at such a rate, Molly, that even if I knew every
+topic of her discourse, I could not have kept up with her. There was the
+Emperor of Russia, and the Queen of Greece, and Prince this of Bavaria,
+and Prince that of the Asturias, all moving about in little family
+incidents; and what between the things they were displeased at, and
+others that gratified them,--how this one was disgraced, and that got
+the cross of St. Something, and why such a one went _here_ to meet
+somebody who could n't go _there_--my head was so completely addled that
+I was thankful to Providence when she concluded the harangue by
+something that I could comprehend. "Under these circumstances, my dear
+Mrs. Dodd," said she, "you will, I am sure, agree with me, there is no
+time to be lost."
+
+"I think not, ma'am," said I, but without an inkling of what I was
+saying.
+
+"I knew you would say so," said she, clasping my hand. "You have an
+unerring tact upon every question, which reminds me so strongly of Lady
+Paddington. She and the Great Duke, you know, were said to be never in
+the wrong. It is therefore an unspeakable relief to me that you see this
+matter as I do. It will be, besides, such a pleasure to the poor dear
+Duchess to have us with her; for I vow to you, Mrs. Dodd, I love her for
+her own sake. Many people make a show of attachment to her from selfish
+motives,--they know how gratified our royal family feel for such
+attentions,--but I really love her for herself; and so will you, dearest
+Mrs. Dodd. Worldly folk would speculate upon the advantages to be
+derived from her vast influence,--the posts of honor to be conferred on
+sons and daughters; but I know how little these things weigh with _you_.
+Not, I must add, but that I give you less credit for this independence
+of feeling than I should accord to others. You and yours are happily
+placed above all the accidents of fortune in this world; and if it ever
+_should_ occur to you to seek for anything in the power of patronage to
+bestow, who is there would not hasten to confer it? But to return to
+the dear Duchess. She says the 24th at latest, and to-day we are at the
+22nd, so you see there is not any time to lose."
+
+"Not a great deal indeed, ma'am," said I, for I suddenly remembered all
+about her with K. I., as she laid her hand on my arm exactly as I saw
+her do upon his.
+
+"With a sympathetic soul," cried she, "how little need is there of
+explanation! You already see what I am pointing at. You have read in my
+heart my devotion and attachment to that sweet princess, and you see
+how I am bound by every tie of gratitude and affection to hasten to meet
+her."
+
+You may be sure, Molly, that I gave my heartiest concurrence to the
+arrangement. The very thought of getting rid of her was the best tidings
+I could hear; since, besides putting an end to all her plots and devices
+for the future, it would give me the opportunity of settling accounts
+with K. I., which it would be impossible to do till I had him here
+alone. It was, then, with real sincerity that my "sympathetic soul"
+fully assented to all she said.
+
+"I knew you would forgive me. I knew that you would not be angry with
+me for this sudden flight," said she.
+
+"Not in the least, ma'am," said I, stiffly.
+
+"This is true kindness,--this is real friendship," said she, pressing my
+band.
+
+"I hope it is, ma'am," said I, dryly; for, indeed, Molly, it was hard
+work for me to keep my temper under.
+
+She never, however, gave me much time for anything, for off she went
+once more about her own plans; telling me how little luggage she would
+take, how soon we should meet again, how delighted the Duchess would be
+with me and Mary Anne, and twenty things more of the same sort.
+
+At last we separated, but not till we had embraced each other three
+times over; and, to tell you the truth, I had it in my heart to strangle
+her while she was doing it.
+
+The agitation I went through, and my passion boiling in me, and no vent
+for it, made me so ill that I was taking Hoffman and camphor the whole
+evening after; and I could n't, of course, go down to dinner, but had
+a light veal cutlet with a little sweet sauce, and a roast pigeon with
+mushrooms, in my own room.
+
+K. I. wanted to come in and speak to me, but I refused admission, and
+sent him word that "I hoped I'd be equal to the task of an interview in
+the course of a day or so;" a message that must have made him tremble
+for what was in store for him. I did this on purpose, Molly, for I often
+remarked that there's nothing subdues K. I. so much as to keep something
+hanging over him. As he said once himself, "Life isn't worth having, if
+a man can be called up at any minute for sentence." And that shows you,
+Molly, what I oftentimes mentioned to you, that if you want or expect
+true happiness in the married state, there's only one road to it,
+and that is by studying the temper and the character of your husband,
+learning what is his weakness and which are his defects. When you know
+these well, my dear, the rest is easy; and it's your own fault if you
+don't mould him to your liking.
+
+Whether it was the mushrooms, or a little very weak shrub punch that
+Mary Anne made, disagreed with me, I can't tell, but I had a nightmare
+every time I went to sleep, and always woke up with a screech. That's
+the way I spent the blessed night, and it was only as day began to
+break that I felt a regular drowsiness over me and went off into a good
+comfortable doze. Just then there came a rattling of horses' hoofs,
+and a cracking of whips under the window, and Mary Anne came up to
+say something, but I would n't listen, but covered my head up in the
+bedclothes till she went away.
+
+It was twenty minutes to four when I awoke, and a gloomy day, with a
+thick, soft rain falling, that I knew well would bring on one of my bad
+headaches, and I was just preparing myself for suffering, when Mary Anne
+came to the bedside.
+
+"Is she gone, Mary Anne?" said I.
+
+"Yes," said she; "they went off before six o'clock."
+
+"Thanks be to Providence," said I. "I hope I 'll never see one of them
+again."
+
+"Oh, mamma," said she, "don't say that!"
+
+"And why wouldn't I say it, Mary Anne?" said I. "Would you have me nurse
+a serpent,--harbor a boa-constrictor in my bosom?"
+
+"But, then, papa," said she, sobbing.
+
+"Let him come up," said I. "Let him see the wreck he has made of me. Let
+him come and feast his eyes over the ruin his own cruelty has worked."
+
+"Sure he's gone," said she.
+
+"Gone! Who's gone?"
+
+"Papa. He's gone with Mrs. Gore Hampton!"
+
+With that, Molly, I gave a scream that was heard all over the house.
+And so it was for two hours--screech after screech--tearing my hair
+and destroying everything within reach of me. To think of the old
+wretch--for I know his age right well; Sam Davis was at school with
+him forty-eight years ago, at Dr. Bell's, and that shows he's no
+chicken--behaving this way. I knew the depravity of the man well enough.
+I did n't pass twenty years with him without learning the natural
+wickedness of his disposition, but I never thought he 'd go the length
+of this. Oh, Molly! the shock nearly killed me; and coming as it did
+after the dreadful disappointment about Jones M'Carthy's affairs, I
+don't know at all how I bore up against it. I must tell you that
+James and Mary Anne did n't see it with my eyes. They thought, or they
+pretended to think, that he was only going as far as Ems, to accompany
+her, as they call it, on a visit to the Princess,--just as if there was
+a princess at all, and that the whole story wasn't lies from beginning
+to end.
+
+Lord George, too, took their side, and wanted to get angry at my unjust
+suspicions about Mrs. G., but I just said, what would the world think of
+_me_ if I went away in a chaise and four with _him_ by way of paying a
+visit to somebody that never existed? He tried to laugh it off, Molly,
+and made little of it, but I wouldn't let him, in particular before Mary
+Anne,--for whatever sins they may lay to my charge, I believe that they
+can't pretend that I did n't bring up the girls with sound principles of
+virtue and morality,--and just to convince him of that, I turned to and
+exposed K. I. to James and the two girls till they were well ashamed of
+him.
+
+It's a heartless bad world we live in, Molly! and I never knew its
+badness, I may say, till now. You'll scarce believe me, when I tell
+you that it was n't from my own flesh and blood that I met comfort or
+sympathy, but from that good-for-nothing creature, Betty Cobb. Mary Anne
+and Caroline persisted in saying that K. I.'s journey was all innocence
+and purity,--that he was only gone in a fatherly sort of a way with her;
+but Betty knew the reverse, and I must own that she seemed to know more
+about him than I ever suspected.
+
+"Ah, the ould rogue!--the ould villain!" she 'd mutter to herself, in a
+fashion that showed me the character he had in the servants' hall. If
+I had only a little command of my temper, I might have found out many a
+thing of him, Molly, and of his doings at Dodsborough, but how could I
+at a moment like that?
+
+And that's how I was, Molly, with nothing but enemies about me, in
+the bosom of my own family! One saying, "Don't expose us to the
+world,--don't bring people's eyes on us;" and the other calling out, "We
+'ll be ruined entirely if it gets into the papers!" so that, in fact,
+they wanted to deny me the little bit of sympathy I might have attracted
+towards my destitute and forlorn condition.
+
+Had I been at home, in Dodsborough, I'd have made the country ring with
+his disgrace; but they wouldn't let me utter a word here, and I was
+obliged to sit down, as the poet says, "like a worm in the bud," and
+consume my grief in solitude.
+
+He went away, too, without leaving a shilling behind him, and the bill
+of the hotel not even paid! Nothing sustained me, Molly, but the notion
+of my one day meeting him, and settling these old scores. I even worked
+myself into a half-fever at the thought of the way I 'd overwhelm him.
+Maybe it was well for me that I was obliged to rouse my energies to
+activity, and provide for the future, which I did by drawing two bills
+on Waters for a hundred and fifty each, and, with the help of them,
+we mean to remove from this on Saturday, and proceed to Baden, where,
+according to Lord George, "there 's no such things as evil speaking,
+lying, or slandering;" to use his own words, "It's the most charitable
+society in Europe, and every one can indulge his vices without note or
+comment from his neighbors." And, after all, one must acknowledge the
+great superiority in the good breeding of the Continent in this; for,
+as Lord G. remarks, "If there's anything a man's own, it's his
+private wickedness, and there's no such indelicacy as in canvassing or
+discussing it; and what becomes of a conscience," says he, "if everybody
+reviles and abuses you? Sure, doesn't it lead you to take your own part,
+even when you're in the wrong?"
+
+He has a persuasive way with him, Molly, that often surprises myself how
+far it goes with me, and indeed, even in the midst of my afflictions and
+distresses, he made me laugh with his account of Baden, and the strange
+people that go there. We're to go to the Hôtel de Russie, the finest in
+the place, and say that we are expecting some friends to join us; for K.
+I. and madam may arrive at any moment. As I write these lines, the girls
+and Betty are packing up the things, so that long before it reaches you
+we shall be at our destination.
+
+The worst thing in my present situation is that I must n't mutter a
+syllable against K. I., or, if I do, I have them all on my back; and as
+to Betty, her sympathy is far worse than the silence of the others. And
+there 's the way your poor friend is in.
+
+To be robbed--for I know Waters is robbing me--and cheated and deceived
+all at the same time, is too much for my unanimity! Don't let on to the
+neighbors about K. I.; for, as Lord G. says, "these things should
+never be mentioned in the world till they 're talked of in the House of
+Lords;" and I suppose he's right, though I don't see why--but maybe
+it's one of the prerogatives of the peerage to have the first of an ugly
+story.
+
+I have done now, Molly, and I wonder how my strength has carried me
+through it. I 'll write you as soon as I get to Baden, and hope to hear
+from you about the wool. I 'm always reading in the papers about the
+improvement of Ireland, and yet I get less and less out of it; but maybe
+that same is a sign of prosperity; for I remember my poor father was
+never so stingy as when he saved a little money; and indeed my own
+conviction is that much of what we used to call Irish hospitality was
+neither more nor less than downright desperation,--we had so little in
+the world, it wasn't worth hoarding.
+
+You may write to me still as Mrs. Dodd, though maybe it will be the last
+time the name will be borne by your Injured and afflicted friend,
+
+Jemima.
+
+P. S. I 'm sure Paddy Byrne is in K. I.'s secret, for he goes about
+grinning and snickering in the most offensive manner, for which I am
+just going to give him warning. Not, indeed, that I'm serious about
+discharging him, for the journey is terribly expensive, but by way of
+alarming the little blaguard. If Father Maher would only threaten to
+curse them, as he used, we'd have peace and comfort once more.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXII. KENNY DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+
+Eisenach.
+
+My dear Tom,--You will be surprised at the address at the top of this
+letter, but not a whit more so than I am myself; how, when, and why I
+came here, being matters which require some explanation, nor am I quite
+certain of making them very intelligible to you even by that process.
+My only chance of success, however, lies in beginning at the very
+commencement, and so I shall start with my departure from Bonn, which
+took place eight days ago, on the morning of the 22nd.
+
+My last letter informed you of our having formed a travelling alliance
+with a very attractive and charming person, Mrs. Gore Hampton. Lord
+George Tiverton, who introduced us to each other, represented her as
+being a fashionable of the first water, very highly connected, and very
+rich,--facts sufficiently apparent by her manners and appearance, as
+well as by the style in which she was travelling. He omitted, however,
+all mention of her immediate circumstances, so that we were profoundly
+ignorant as to whether she were a widow or had a husband living, and, if
+so, whether separated from him casually or by a permanent arrangement.
+
+It may sound very strange that we should have formed such a close
+alliance while in ignorance of these circumstances, and doubtless in
+our own country the inquiry would have preceded the ratification of
+this compact, but the habits of the Continent, my dear Tom, teach
+very different lessons. All social transactions are carried on upon
+principles of unlimited credit, and you indorse every bill of
+passing acquaintanceship with a most reckless disregard to the day
+of presentation for payment Some would, perhaps, tell you that your
+scruples would only prove false terrors. My own notion, however, is less
+favorable, and my theory is this: you get so accustomed to "raffish"
+intimacies, you lose all taste or desire for discrimination; in fact,
+there's so much false money in circulation, it would be useless to "ring
+a particular rap on the counter."
+
+Not that I have the very most distant notion of applying my theory
+to the case in hand. I adhere to all I said of Mrs. G. in my former
+epistle, and notwithstanding your quizzing about my "raptures," &c.,
+I can only repeat everything I there said about her loveliness and
+fascination.
+
+Perhaps one's heart becomes, like mutton, more tender by being old; but
+this I must say, I never remember to have met that kind of woman when I
+was young. Either I must have been a very inaccurate observer, or, what
+I suspect to be nearer the fact, they were not the peculiar productions
+of that age.
+
+When the Continent was closed to us by war, there was a home stamp
+upon all our manufactures; our chairs and tables, our knives, and our
+candlesticks, were all made after native models, solid and substantial
+enough, but, I believe, neither very artistic nor graceful. We were used
+to them, however; and as we had never seen any other, we thought them
+the very perfection of their kind. The Peace of '15 opened our eyes,
+and we discovered, to our infinite chagrin and astonishment, that, in
+matters of elegance and taste, we were little better than barbarians;
+that shape and symmetry had their claims as well as utility, and that
+the happy combination of these qualities was a test of civilization.
+
+I don't think we saw this all at once, nor, indeed, for a number of
+years, because, somehow, it's in the nature of a people to stand up for
+their shortcomings and deficiencies,--that very spirit being the bone
+and sinew of all patriotism; but I 'll tell you where we felt this
+discrepancy most remarkably,--in our women, Tom; the very point, of all
+others, that we ought never to have experienced it in.
+
+There was a plastic elegance,--a species of soft, seductive way--about
+foreign women that took us wonderfully. They did not wait for our
+advances, but met us half-way in intimacy, and this without any boldness
+or effrontery; quite the reverse, but with a tact and delicacy that were
+perfectly captivating.
+
+I don't doubt but that, for home purposes, we should have found that
+our own answered best, and, like our other manufactures, that they
+would last longer, and be less liable to damage; but, unfortunately, the
+spirit of imitation that stimulated us in hardware and jewelry, set in
+just as violently about our wives and daughters, and a pretty dance
+has it led us! From my heart and soul I wish we had limited the use of
+French polish to our mahogany!
+
+I don't know how I got into this digression, Tom, nor have I the least
+notion where it would conduct me; but I feel that the Mrs. Gore Hamptons
+of this world took their origin in the time and from the spirit I speak
+of, and a more dangerous Invention the age never made.
+
+When you read over your notes, and sum up what I 've been saying, you
+'ll perhaps discover the reason of what you are pleased in your last
+letter to call my "extreme sensibility to the widow's charms." But you
+wrong us both, for _I_'m not in love, nor is _she_ a widow! And this
+brings me back to my narrative.
+
+About ten days ago, as I was sitting in my own room, in the _otium cum
+dig._ of my old dressing-gown and slippers, I received a visit from
+Mrs. G. in a manner which at once proclaimed the strictest secrecy and
+confidence. She came, she said, to consult me, and, as a gentleman, I am
+bound to believe her; but if you want to make use of a man's faculties,
+you 'd certainly never begin by turning his brain. If you wished to send
+him of a message, you 'd surely not set out by spraining his ankle?
+
+They say that the French Cuirassiers puzzled our Horse Guards greatly at
+Waterloo. There was no knowing where to get a stick at them. There 's a
+kind of dress just now the fashion among ladies, that confuses me fully
+as much,--a species of gauzy, filmy, floating costume that makes you
+always feel quite near, and yet keeps you a considerable distance
+off. It's a most bewitching, etherial style of costume, and especially
+invented, I think, for the bewilderment of elderly gentlemen.
+
+More than half of the effect of a royal visit to a man's own house is
+in the contrast presented by an illustrious presence to the little
+commonplace objects of his daily life. Seeing a king in his own sphere,
+surrounded with all the attributes and insignia of his station, is not
+nearly so astounding as to see him sitting in your old leather armchair,
+with his feet upon your fender,--mayhap, stirring your fire with your
+own poker. Just the same kind of thing is the appearance of a pretty
+woman within the little den, sacred to your secret smokings and studies
+of the "Times" newspaper. An angel taking off her wings in the hall,
+and dropping in to take pot-luck with you, could scarcely realize a more
+charming vision!
+
+All this preliminary discourse of mine, Tom, looks as if I were skulking
+the explanation that I promised. I know well what is passing in your
+mind this minute, and I fancy that I hear you mutter, "Why not tell us
+what she came about,--what brought her there?" It's not so easy as
+you think, Tom Purcell. When a very pretty woman, in the most becoming
+imaginable toilette, comes and tells you a long story of personal
+sufferings, and invokes your sympathy against the cruel treatment of
+a barbarous husband and his hard-hearted family; when the narrative
+alternates between traits of shocking tyranny on one side, and angelic
+submission on the other; when you listen to wrongs that make your
+blood boil, recounted by accents that make your heart vibrate; when the
+imploring looks and tones and gesture that failed to excite pity in her
+"monster of a husband" are all rehearsed before you yourself,--to _you_
+directed those tearful glances of melting tenderness,--to _you_ raised
+up those beautiful hands of more than sculptured symmetry,--I say,
+again, that your reason is never consulted on the whole process. Your
+sensibility is aroused, your sympathy is evoked, and all your tenderest
+emotions excited, pretty much as in hearing an Italian opera, where,
+without knowing one word of the language, the tones, the gestures,
+the play of feature, and the signs of passion move and melt you into
+alternate horror at cruelty, and compassionate sorrow for suffering.
+
+Make the place, instead of the stage, your own study, and the personage
+no _prima donna_, but a very charming creature of the real world, and
+the illusion is ten times more complete.
+
+I have no more notion of Mrs. Gore Hampton's history than I should have
+of the plot of a novel from reading a newspaper notice of it. She was
+married at sixteen. She was very beautiful, very rich,--a petted, spoilt
+child. She thought the world a fairy tale, she said. I was going to ask,
+was it "Beauty and the Beast" that was in her mind? At first all was
+happiness and bliss; then came jealousy, not on her part, but his;
+disagreements and disputes followed. They went abroad to visit some
+royal personage,--a duchess, a grand-duchess, an archduchess of
+something, who figures through the whole history in a mysterious and
+wonderful manner, coming in at all times and places, and apparently
+never for any other purpose than wickedness, like Zamiel in the
+"Freyschutz;" but, notwithstanding, she is always called the dear,
+good, kind Princess,--an apparent contradiction that also assists the
+mystification. Then, there are letters from the husband,--reproach and
+condemnation; from the wife,--love, tenderness, and fidelity.
+
+The Duchess happily writes French, so I am spared the pains of following
+_her_ correspondence. Chancery was nothing to the confusion that comes
+of all this letter-writing, but I come out with the one strong fact,
+that the dear Princess stands by Mrs. G. through thick and thin, and
+takes a bold part against the husband. A shipwrecked sailor never clung
+to a hencoop with greater tenacity than did I grasp this one solitary
+fact, floating at large upon the wide ocean of uncertainty.
+
+I assure you I almost began to feel an affection for the Duchess,
+from the mere feeling of relief this thought afforded. She was like a
+sanctuary to my poor, persecuted, hunted-down imagination!
+
+Have you ever, in reading a three-volume novel, Tom, been on the eve
+of abandoning the task from pure inability to trace out the story, when
+suddenly, and as it were by chance, some little trait or incident gives,
+if not a clew to the mystery, at least that small flickering of light
+that acts as a guide-star to speculation?
+
+This was what I experienced here, and I said to myself, "I know the
+sentiments of the Duchess, at least, and that's something."
+
+Do you know that I did n't like proceeding any farther with the story;
+like a tired swimmer, who had reached a rock far out at sea, I did n't
+fancy trusting myself once more to the waves. However, I was not allowed
+the option. Away went the narrative again,--like an express train in a
+dark tunnel. If we now and then did emerge upon a bit of open country
+where we could see about us, it was to dive the next minute into some
+deep cutting, or some gloomy cavern, without light or intelligence.
+
+It appeared to me that Mr. Gore Hampton would be a very proper case for
+private assassination; but I did n't like the notion of doing it myself,
+and I was considerably comforted by finding that the course she had
+decided on, and for which she was now asking my assistance, was more
+pacific in character, and less dangerous. We were to seek out the dear
+Princess; she was to be at Ems on the 24th, and we were at once to throw
+ourselves, figuratively, into her hands, and implore protection.
+The "monster"--the word is shorter than his name, and serves equally
+well--had written innumerable letters to prejudice her against his
+wife, recounting the most infamous calumnies and the most incredible
+accusations. These we were to refute: how I did n't exactly know, but we
+were to do it. With the dear Princess on our side, the monster would be
+quite powerless for further mischief; for, by some mysterious agency, it
+appeared that this wonderful Duchess could restore a damaged reputation,
+just as formerly kings used to cure the evil.
+
+It was a great load off my mind, Tom, to know that nothing more was
+expected of me. She might have wanted me to go to England, where there
+are two writs out against me, or to advance a sum of money for law when
+I have n't a sixpence for living, or maybe to bully somebody that would
+n't be bullied; in fact, I did n't know what impossibilities mightn't
+be passing through her brain, or what difficult tasks she might be
+inventing, as we read of in those stories where people make compacts
+with the devil, and always try to pose him by the terms of the bargain.
+
+In the present instance, I certainly got off easier than I should have
+done with the "Black Gentleman." All that was required of me was to
+accompany a very charming and most agreeable woman on an excursion of
+about two or three days' duration through one of the most picturesque
+parts of the Rhine country, in a comfortable town-built britschka,
+with every appliance of ease and luxury about it. We have an adage
+in Ireland, "There's worse than this in the North," and faith, Tom, I
+couldn't help saying so. Mrs. G.'s motive in asking my companionship was
+to show her dear Duchess that she was domesticated, and living with a
+most respectable family, of which I was the head. You may laugh at the
+notion, Tom, but I was to be brought forward as a model "paterfamilias,"
+who could harbor nothing wrong.
+
+I believe I smiled myself at the character assigned. But "isn't life a
+stage?" and in nothing more so than the fact that no man can choose his
+part, but must just take what the great stage-manager--Fate--assigns
+him; and it is just as cruel to ridicule the failures and shortcomings
+we often witness in public men as to shout, in gallery-fashion, at
+some poor devil actor obliged to play a gentleman with broken boots and
+patched pantaloons.
+
+There were, indeed, two difficulties, neither of them inconsiderable,
+in the matter. One was money. The journey would needs be costly. Posting
+abroad is to the full as expensive as at home. The other was as to
+Mrs. Dodd. How would she take it? I was bound over in the very heaviest
+recognizances to secrecy. Mrs. G. insisted that I alone should be the
+depositary of her secret; and she was wise there, for Mrs. D. would have
+revealed it to Betty Cobb before she slept. What if she should take
+a jealous turn? It was true the Mary Jane affair had made her rather
+ashamed of herself, but time was wearing off the effect. Mrs. Gore
+Hampton was a handsome woman, and there would be a kind of _éclat_ in
+such a rivalry! I knew well, Tom, that if she once mounted this hobby,
+there was nothing could stop her. All her visions of fashionable
+introductions, all the bright charms of high society, to which Mrs. G.'s
+intimacy was to lead, would melt away, like a mirage, before the high
+wind of her angry indignation.
+
+She would have put Mrs. G. in the dock, and arraigned her like any
+common offender. It was not without reason, then, that I dreaded such a
+catastrophe; and in a kind of semi-serious, semi-jocose way, I told Mrs.
+Gore of my misgivings.
+
+She took it beautifully, Tom. She did n't laugh as if the thing was
+ridiculous, and as if the idea of Kenny Dodd performing "Amoroso" was a
+glaring absurdity. "Not at all," she gravely said; "I have been thinking
+over that, and, as you remark, it _is_ a difficulty." Shall I own to
+you, Tom, that the confession sent a strange thrill through me; and
+like a man selected to lead a forlorn hope, I still felt that the choice
+redounded to my credit?
+
+"I think, however," said she, after a pause, "if you confided the matter
+to _my_ management, if you leave _me_ to explain to Mrs. Dodd, I shall
+be able, without revealing more than I wish, to satisfy her as to the
+object of our journey."
+
+I heartily assented to an arrangement so agreeable; I even promised not
+to see Mrs. D. before we started, lest any unfortunate combination of
+circumstances might interfere with our project.
+
+The pecuniary embarrassment I communicated to Lord George. He quite
+agreed with me that I could n't possibly allude to it to Mrs. G. "In all
+likelihood," said he, "she will just hand you a book of blank checks, or
+Herries's circulars, and say, 'Pray do me the favor to take the trouble
+off my hands.' It is what she usually does with any of her friends with
+whom she is sufficiently intimate; for, as I told you, she is a 'perfect
+child about money.'" I might have told him that, so far as having very
+little of it, so was I too.
+
+"But supposing," said I, "that, in the bustle of departure, and in the
+preoccupation of other thoughts, she should n't remember to do this;
+such is likely enough, you know?"
+
+"Oh, nothing more so," said he, laughing. "She is the most absent
+creature in the world."
+
+"In that case," said I, "one ought to be, in a measure, prepared."
+
+"To a certain extent, assuredly," said he, coolly. "You might as well
+take something with you,--a hundred pounds or so."
+
+You can imagine the choking gulp in my throat as I heard these words.
+Why, I had n't twenty--no, not ten; I doubt, greatly, if I had fully
+five pounds in my possession. I was living in the daily hope of that
+remittance from you, which, by the way, seems always tardier in coming
+in proportion as Ireland grows more prosperous.
+
+Tiverton, however, does not limit his services to good counsel; he can
+act as well as think. For a bill of three thousand francs, at thirty-one
+days, I received, from the landlord of the hotel, something short of a
+hundred Napoleons,--a trifle under six hundred per cent per annum, but,
+of course, not meant to run for that time. Lord George said, "Everything
+considered, it was reasonable enough;" and if that implied that I 'd
+never repay a farthing of it, perhaps he was correct. "I 'm sorry,"
+said he, "that the 'bit of stiff,'" meaning the bill, "was n't for five
+thousand francs, for I want a trifle of cash myself, at this moment." In
+this regret I did not share, Tom, for I clearly saw that the additional
+eighty pounds would have been out of _my_ pocket!
+
+I have now, as briefly as I am able, but, perhaps, tediously enough,
+told you of all the preliminary arrangements of our journey, save one,
+which was three lines that I left for Mrs. D. before starting,--not very
+explanatory, perhaps, but written in "great haste."
+
+It was a splendid morning when we started. The sun was just topping the
+Drachenfels, and sending a perfect flood of golden glory over the Rhine,
+and that rich tract of yellow corn country along its left bank, the
+right being still in deep shadow. From the Kreutzberg to the Seven
+Mountains it was one gorgeous panorama, with mountain and crag, and
+ruined castles, vine-clad cliffs, and plains of waving wheat, all seen
+in the calm splendor of a still summer's morning.
+
+I never saw anything as beautiful; perhaps I never shall again. Of my
+rapturous enjoyment of the scene, as we whirled along with four posters
+at a gallop, the best criterion I can give you is that I totally
+forgot everything but the enchanting vision around me. Ireland, home,
+Dodsborough, petty sessions, police and poor-rates, county cess,
+Chancery, all my difficulties, down even to Mrs. D. herself, faded away,
+and left me in undisturbed and unbounded enjoyment.
+
+I have often had to tell you of my disappointment with the Continent;
+how little it responded to my previous expectations, and how short
+came every trait of nationality of that striking effect I had once
+foreshadowed. The distinctive features of race, from which I had
+anticipated so much amusement, all the peculiarities of dress, custom,
+and manner which I had speculated on as sources of interest, had either
+no existence whatever, or demanded a far shrewder and nicer observation
+than mine to detect. These have I more than once complained of to you in
+my letters; and I was fast lapsing into the deep conviction that, except
+in being the rear-guard of civilization, and adhering to habits which
+have long since been superseded by improved and better modes with us,
+the Continent differs wonderfully little from England.
+
+The reason of this impression was manifestly because I was always in
+intercourse with foreigners who live and trade upon English travellers,
+who make a livelihood of ministering to John Bull's national leanings
+in dress, cookery, and furniture; and who, so to say, get up a kind of
+artificial England abroad, where the Englishman is painfully reminded of
+all the comforts he has left behind him, without one single opportunity
+for remembering the compensations he is receiving in return. To this
+cause is attributable, mainly, the vulgar impression conveyed by a first
+glance at the Continent It is a bad travesty of a homely original.
+
+[Illustration: 304]
+
+What a sudden change came over me now, as we swept along through this
+enchanting country, where every sight and every sound were novel
+and interesting! The little villages, almost escarped from the tall
+precipice that skirted the river, were often of Roman origin; old towers
+of brick, and battlemented walls, displaying the S. P. Q. R.,--those
+wonderful letters which, from school days to old age, call up such
+conceptions of this mighty people. A great wagon would draw aside to let
+us pass; and its giant oxen, with their massive beams of timber on their
+necks, remind one of the old pictures in some illustrated edition of the
+"Georgics." The splash of oars, and the loud shouts of men, turn your
+eyes to the Rhine, and it is a raft, whole acres of timber, slowly
+floating along, the evidence of some primeval pine forest hundreds
+of miles away, where the night winds used to sigh in the days of the
+Cæsars. And now every head is bare, and every knee is bowed, for a
+procession moves past, on its way to some holy shrine, the zigzag path
+to which, up the mountain, is traceable by the white line of peasant
+girls, whose voices are floating down in mellow chorus. Oh, Tom!
+the whole scene was full of enchantment, and didn't require the
+consciousness that would haunt me to make it a vision of perfect
+enjoyment. You ask what was that same consciousness I allude to? Neither
+more nor less, my dear friend, than the little whisper within me, that
+said, "Kenny Dodd, where are you going, and for what? Is it Mrs. D.
+is sitting beside you? or are you quite sure it's not some other man's
+wife?"
+
+You 'll say, perhaps, these were rather disturbing reflections, and so
+they would have been had they ever got that far; but as mere flitting
+fancies, as passing shadows over the mind, they heightened the enjoyment
+of the moment by some strange and mysterious agency, which I am quite
+unable to explain, but which, I believe, is referable to the same
+category as the French Duchess's regret "that iced water was n't a sin,
+or it would be the greatest delight of existence."
+
+If my conscience had been unmannerly enough to say, "Ain't you doing
+wrong, Kenny Dodd?" I 'm afraid I 'd have said "Yes," with a chuckle of
+satisfaction. I'm afraid, my dear Tom, that the human heart, at least in
+the Irish version, is a very incomprehensible volume.
+
+Let us strive to be good as much as we may, there is a secret sense of
+pleasure in doing wrong that shows what a hold wickedness has of us.
+I believe we flatter ourselves that we are cheating the devil all the
+while, because we intend to do right at last; but the danger is that the
+game comes to an end before we suspect, and there we are, "cleaned out,"
+and our hand full of trumps.
+
+You'll say, "What has all this to say to the Rhine, or Mrs. Gore
+Hampton?" Nothing whatever. It only shows that, like the Reflections on
+a Broomstick, your point of departure bears no relation to the goal of
+your voyage.
+
+"What's the name of this village, Mr. Dodd?" whispers a soft voice from
+the deep recesses of the britschka.
+
+"This is Andernach, Madam," said I, opening my "John," for I find
+there's no doing without him. "It is one of the most ancient cities of
+the Rhine. It was called by the Romans--"
+
+"Never mind what it was called by the Romans; isn't there a legend about
+this ancient castle? To be sure there is; pray find it."
+
+And I go on mumbling about Drusus, and Roman camps, and vaulted portals.
+
+"Oh, it's not that," cries she, laughing.
+
+"There are two articles of traffic peculiar to this spot Millstones--"
+She puts her hand on my lips here, and I am unable to continue my
+reading, while she goes on: "I remember the legend now. It was a certain
+Siegfried, the Count Palatine of the Rhine, who, on his return from the
+Crusades, was persuaded by slanderous tongues to believe his wife had
+been faithless to him."
+
+"The wretch!--the Count, I mean."
+
+"So he was. He drove her out a wanderer upon the wide world, and she
+fled across the Rhine into that mountain country you see yonder, which
+then, as now, was all impenetrable forest There she passed years and
+years of solitary existence, unknown and friendless. There were no Mr.
+Dodds in those days, or, at least, she had not the good fortune to meet
+with them."
+
+I sigh deeply under the influence of such a glance, Tom, and she
+resumes,--
+
+"At last, one day, when fatigued with the chase, and separated from
+his companions, the cruel Count throws himself down to rest beside a
+fountain; a lovely creature, attired gracefully but strangely in the
+skins of wild beasts--"
+
+"She did n't kill them herself?" said I, interrupting.
+
+"How absurd you are! Of course she did n't;" and she draws her own
+ermine mantle across her as she speaks, smoothing the soft fur with
+her softer hand. "The Count starts to his feet, and recognizes her in
+a moment, and at the same instant, too, he is so struck by the manifest
+protection Providence has vouchsafed her, that he listens to her tale of
+justification, and conducts her in triumph home,--his injured but
+adored wife. I think, really, people were better formerly than they
+are now,--more forgiving, or rather, I mean, more open to truth and its
+generous impulses."
+
+"Faith, I can't say," replied I, pondering; "the skins may have had
+something to say to it." Here she bursts into such a fit of laughter
+that I join from sheer sympathy with the sound, but not guessing in the
+least why or at what.
+
+We soon left Andernach behind us, and rolled along beside the rapid
+Rhine, on a beautiful road almost level with the river, which now for
+some miles becomes less bold and picturesque.
+
+At last we arrived at Coblentz to dinner, stopping at a capital inn
+called the "Giant," after which we strolled through the town to stare
+at the shops and the quaintly dressed peasant girls, whose embroidered
+head-gear, a kind of velvet cap worked in gold or silver, so pleased
+Mrs. G. that we bought three or four of them, as well as several of
+those curiously wrought silver daggers which they wear stuck through
+their black hair.
+
+I soon discovered that my fair friend was a "child" about other things
+besides "money." Jewelry was one of these, and for which she seemed
+to have the most insatiable desire, combined with a most juvenile
+indifference as to cost. The country girls wear massive gold earrings of
+the strangest fashion, and nothing would content her but buying several
+sets of these. Then she took a fancy to their gold chains and rosaries,
+and, lastly, to their uncouth shoe-buckles, all of which she assured me
+would be priceless in a fancy dress.
+
+In fact, my dear Tom, these minor preparations of hers, to resemble a
+Rhine-land peasant, came to a little over seventeen pounds sterling, and
+suggested to me, more than once, the secret wish that our excursion had
+been through Ireland, where the habits of the natives could have been
+counterfeited at considerably less cost.
+
+As "we were in for it," however, I bore myself as gallantly as might be,
+and pressed several trifling articles on her acceptance, but she tossed
+them over contemptuously, and merely said, "Oh, we shall find all
+these things so much better at Ems. They have such a bazaar there!" an
+announcement that gave me a cold shudder from head to foot. After taking
+our coffee, we resumed our journey, Ems being only distant some eleven
+or twelve miles, and, I must say, a drive of unequalled beauty.
+
+Once more on the road, Mrs. G. became more charming and delightful than
+ever. The romantic glen, through which we journeyed, suggested much
+material for conversation, and she was legendary and lyrical, plaintive
+and merry by turns, now recounting some story of tragic history, now
+remembering some little incident of modern fashionable life, but all, no
+matter what the theme, touched with a grace and delicacy quite her
+own. In a little silence that followed one of these charming sallies, I
+noticed that she smiled as if at something passing in her own thoughts.
+
+"Shall I tell you what I was thinking of?" said she, smiling.
+
+"By all means," said I; "it is a pleasant thought, so pray let me share
+in it."
+
+"I'm not quite so certain of that," said she. "It is rather puzzling
+than pleasant. It is simply this: 'Here we are now within a mile of Ems.
+It is one of the most gossiping places in Europe. How shall we announce
+ourselves in the Strangers' List?"
+
+The difficulty had never occurred to me before, Tom; nor indeed, did I
+very clearly appreciate it even now. I thought that the name of Kenny
+Dodd would have sufficed for me, and I saw no reason why Mrs. Gore
+Hampton should not have been satisfied with her own appellation.
+
+"I knew," said she, laughing, "that you never gave this a thought. Isn't
+that so?" I had to confess that she was quite correct, and she went on:
+"Adolphus "--this was the familiar for Mr. Gore Hampton--"is so well
+known that you could n't possibly pass for him; besides, he is very
+tall, and wears large moustaches,--the largest, I think, in the Blues."
+
+"That's clean out of the question, then," said I, stroking my smooth
+chin in utter despair.
+
+"You 're very like Lord Harvey Bruce, could n't you be _him?_"
+
+"I'm afraid not; my passport calls me Kenny James Dodd."
+
+"But Lord Harvey is a kind of relative of mine; his mother was a Gore; I
+'m sure you could be him."
+
+I shook my head despondently; but somehow, whenever a sudden fancy
+strikes her, the impulse to yield to it seems perfectly irresistible.
+
+"It's an excellent idea," continued she, "and all you have to do is to
+write the name boldly in the Travellers' Book, and say your passport is
+coming with one of your people."
+
+"But he might be here?"
+
+"Oh, he's not here; he could n't be here! I should have heard of it if
+he were here."
+
+"There may be several who may know him personally here."
+
+"There need be no difficulty about that," replied she; "you have only
+to feign illness, and keep your room. I 'll take every precaution to
+sustain the deception. You shall have everything in the way of comfort,
+but no visitors,--not one.".
+
+I was thunderstruck, Tom! the notion of coming away from home, leaving
+my family, and braving Mrs. D., all that I might go to bed at Ems, and
+partake of low diet under a fictitious title, actually overwhelmed me.
+I thought to myself, "This is a hazardous exploit of mine; it may be a
+costly one too: at the rate we are travelling, money flies like chaff,
+but at least I shall have something for it. I shall see fashionable
+life under the most favorable auspices. I shall dine in public with my
+beautiful travelling-companion. I shall accompany her to the Cursaal,
+to the Promenade, to the play-tables. I shall eat ice with her under the
+'Lindens,' in the 'Allée.' I shall be envied and hated by all the puppy
+population of the Baths, and feel myself glorious, conquering, and
+triumphant." These, and similar, had been my sustaining reflections,
+under all the adverse pressure of home thoughts. These had been my
+compensation for the terrors that assuredly loomed in the distance.
+But now, instead of the realization, I was to seek my consolation in a
+darkened room, with old newspapers and water gruel!
+
+Anger and indignation rendered me almost speechless. "Was it for this?"
+I exclaimed twice or thrice, without being able to finish my sentence;
+and she gently drew her hand within my arm, and, in the tenderest of
+accents, stopped me, and said, "No; not for this!"
+
+Ah, Tom! you know what we used to hear in the "Beggar's Opera," long
+ago. "'Tis women that seduces all mankind." I suppose it's true. I
+suppose that if nature has made us physically strong, she has made us
+morally weak.
+
+I wanted to be resolute; injured and indignant, I did my best to feel
+outraged, but it wouldn't do. The touch of three taper fingers of an
+ungloved hand, the silvery sounds of a soft voice, and the tenderly
+reproachful glance of a pair of dark blue eyes routed all my resolves,
+and I was half ashamed of myself for needing even such gentle reproof.
+
+From that moment I was her slave; she might have sent me to a
+plantation, or sold me in a market-place, resistance, on my part, was
+out of the question; and is n't this a pretty confession for the father
+of a family, and the husband of Mrs. D.? Not but, if I had time, I could
+explain the problem, in a non-natural sense, as the fashionable phrase
+has it, or even go farther, and justify my divided allegiance, like
+one of our own bishops, showing the difference between submission
+to constituted authority, and fidelity to matters of faith,--Mrs. D.
+standing to represent Queen Victoria, and Mrs. Gore Hampton Pope Pius
+the Ninth!
+
+These thoughts didn't occur to me at once, Tom; they were the fruit of
+many a long hour of self-examination and reflection as I lay alone in my
+silent chamber, thinking over all the singular things that have occurred
+to me in life, the strange situations I have occupied, and of this, I
+own, the very strangest of all.
+
+It must be a dreadful thing to be really sick in one of these places.
+There seems to be no such thing as night, at least as a season of
+repose. The same clatter of plates, knives, and glasses goes on; the
+same ringing of bells, and scuffling sounds of running feet; waltzes
+and polkas; wagons and mule-carts; donkeys and hurdy-gurdies; whistling
+waiters and small puppies, with a weak falsetto, infest the air, and
+make up a din that would addle the spirit of Pandemonium.
+
+Hour after hour had I to lie listening to these, taking out my wrath
+in curses upon Strauss and late suppers, and anathematizing the whole
+family of opera writers, who have unquestionably originated the bleating
+performances of every late bed-goer. Not a wretch toiled upstairs, at
+four in the morning, without yelling out "Casta Diva," or "Gib, mir
+wein." The half-tipsy ones were usually sentimental, and hiccuped the
+"Tu che al cielo," out of the "Lucia."
+
+To these succeeded the late sitters at the play-tables,--a race who,
+to their honor be it recorded, never sing. Gambling is a grave
+passion, and, whether a man win or lose, it takes all fun out of him. A
+deep-muttered malediction upon bad luck, a false oath to play no more, a
+hearty curse against Fortune were the only soliloquies of these the last
+votaries of Pleasure that now sought their beds as day was breaking.
+
+Have you ever stopped your ears, Tom, and looked at a room full of
+people dancing? The effect is very curious. What was so graceful but
+a moment back is now only grotesque. The plastic elegance of gesture
+becomes downright absurdity. She who tripped with such fairy-like
+lightness, or that other who floated with swan-like dignity, now seems
+to move without purpose, and, stranger still, without grace. It was
+the measure which gave the soul to the performance,--it was that mystic
+accord, like what binds mind to matter, that gave the wondrous charm
+to the whole; divested of this it was like motion without
+vitality,--abrupt, mechanical, convulsive. Exactly the same kind of
+effect is produced by witnessing fashionable amusements, with a spirit
+untuned to pleasure. You know nothing of their motives, nor incentives
+to enjoyment; you are not admitted to any participation in their plan or
+their object, and to your eyes it is all "dancing without music."
+
+I need not dwell on a tiresome theme, for such would be any description
+of my life at Ems. Of my lovely companion I saw but little. About
+midday her maid would bring me a few lines, written in pencil, with kind
+inquiries after me. Later on I could detect the silvery music of her
+voice, as she issued forth to her afternoon drive. Later again I could
+hear her, as she passed along the corridor to her room; and then,
+as night wore on, she would sometimes come to my door to say a few
+words,--very kind ones, and in her own softest manner, but of which I
+could recall nothing, so occupied was I with observing her in all the
+splendor of evening dress.
+
+When a bright object of this kind passes from your presence, there still
+lingers for a second or so a species of twilight, after which comes
+the black and starless night of deep despondency. Out of these dreamy
+delusive fits of low spirits I used to start with the sudden question,
+"What are you doing here, Kenny Dodd? Is it the father of a family ought
+to be living in this fashion? What tomfoolery is this? Is this kind of
+life instructive, intellectual, or even amusing? Is it respectable? I
+am not certain it is any one of the four. How long is it to continue, or
+where is it to end? Am I to go down to the grave under a false name, and
+are the Dodd family to put on mourning for Lord Harvey Bruce?"
+
+One night that these thoughts had carried me to a high pitch of
+excitement, I was walking hurriedly to and fro in my room inveighing
+against the absurd folly which originally had embarked me on this
+journey. Anger had so far mastered my reason that I began to doubt
+everything and everybody. I grew sceptical that there were such people
+in the world as Mr. Gore Hampton or Lord Harvey Bruce, and in my heart
+I utterly rejected the existence of the "Princess." Up to this moment
+I had contented myself with hating her, as the first cause of all my
+calamities, but now I denied her a reality and a being. I did n't
+at first perceive what would come of my thus disturbing a great
+foundation-stone, and how inevitably the whole edifice would come
+tumbling down about my ears in consequence.
+
+This terrible truth, however, now stared me in the face, and I sat down
+to consider it with a trembling spirit.
+
+"May I come in?" whispered a low but well-known voice,--"may I come in?"
+
+[Illustration: 314]
+
+My first thoughts were to affect sleep and not answer, but I saw that
+there was an eagerness in the manner that would not brook denial, and
+answered, "Who 's there?"
+
+"It is I, my dear friend," said Mrs. Gore Hampton, entering, and
+closing the door behind her. She came forward to where I was sitting
+despondingly on the side of the bed, and took a chair in front of me.
+
+"What's the matter; you are surely not ill in reality?" asked she,
+tenderly.
+
+"I believe I am," replied I. "They say in Ireland 'mocking is catching,'
+and, faith, I half suspect I 'm going to pay the price of my own
+deceitfulness."
+
+"Oh, no, no! you only say that to alarm me. You will be perfectly well
+when you leave this; the confinement disagrees with you."
+
+"I think it does," said I; "but when are we to go?"
+
+"Immediately; to-night, if possible. I have just received a few lines
+from the dear Princess--"
+
+"Oh, the Princess!" ejaculated I, with a faint groan.
+
+"Why, what do you mean?" asked she, eagerly.
+
+"Oh, nothing; go on."
+
+"But, first tell me, what made you sigh so when I spoke of the
+Princess?"
+
+"God knows," said I; "I believe my head was wandering."
+
+"Poor, dear head!" said she, patting me as if I was a small King
+Charles's spaniel, "it will be better in the fresh air. The Princess
+writes to say that we must meet her at Eisenach, since she finds herself
+too ill to come on here. She urges us to lose no time about it, because
+the Empress Sophia will be on a visit with her in a few days, which of
+course would interfere with our seeing her frequently. The letter should
+have been here yesterday, but she gave it to the Archduke Nicholas, and
+he only remembered it when he was walking with me this evening."
+
+These high and mighty names only made me sigh heartily, and she seemed
+at once to read all that was passing within me.
+
+"I see what it is," said she, with deep emotion; "you are growing weary
+of me. You are beginning to regret the noble chivalry, the generous
+devotion you had shown me. You are asking yourself, 'What am I to her?
+Why should she cling to me?' Cruel question--of a still more cruel
+answer! But go, sir, return to your family, and leave me if you will to
+those heartless courtiers who mete out their sympathies by a sovereign's
+smiles, and only bestow their pity when royalty commands it; and yet,
+before we part forever, let me here, on my bended knees, thank and
+bless--" I can't do it, Tom; I can't write it. I find I am blubbering
+away just as badly as when the scene occurred. Blue eyes half swimming
+in tears, silky-brown ringlets, and a voice broken by sobs, are
+shamefully unfair odds against an Irish gentleman on the shady side of
+fifty-two or three.
+
+It 's all very well for you--sitting quietly at your turf fire--with an
+old sleepy spaniel snoring on the hearth-rug, and nothing younger in the
+house than Mrs. Shea, your late wife's aunt--to talk about "My time of
+life"--"Grownup daughters"--and so on. "He scoffs at wounds who never
+felt a scar." The fact is, I 'm not a bit more susceptible than other
+people; I even think I am less yielding--less open to soft influences
+than many of my acquaintances. I can answer for it, I never found
+that the strongest persuasions of a tax-gatherer disposed me to
+look favorably on "county cess, or a rate-in-aid." Even the priest
+acknowledges me a tough subject on the score of Easter dues and
+offerings. If I know anything about my own nature, it is that I have
+rather a casuistic, hair-splitting kind of way with me,--the very
+reverse of your soft, submissive, easily seduced fellows. I was always
+known as the obstinate juryman at our assizes, that preferred starvation
+and a cart to a glib verdict like the others. I am not sure that anybody
+ever found it an easy task to convince me about anything,
+except, perhaps, Mrs. D., and then, Tom, it was not precisely
+"conviction,"--_that_ was something else.
+
+I think I have now made out a sufficient defence of myself, and I'll not
+make the lawyer's blunder of proving too much. Give me the same latitude
+that is always conceded to great men when their actions will not square
+with their previous sentiments. Think of the Duke and Sir Robert, and be
+merciful to Kenny Dodd.
+
+We left Ems, like a thief, in the night; the robbery, however, was
+performed by the landlord, whose bill for five days amounted to upwards
+of twenty-seven pounds sterling. Whether Grégoire and Mademoiselle
+Virginie drank all the champagne set down in it I cannot say; but if
+so, they could never have been sober since their arrival. There are some
+other curious items, too, such as maraschino and eau de Dantzic, and a
+large assessment for "real Havannahs"! Who sipped and smoked the above
+is more than I know.
+
+With regard to out-of-door amusements, Mrs. G. must have ridden, at
+the least, four donkeys daily, not to speak of carriages, and a sort of
+sedan-chair for the evening.
+
+I assure you I left the place with a heart even lighter than my purse.
+I was failing into a very alarming kind of melancholy, and couldn't much
+longer have answered for my actions.
+
+If we loitered inactively at Ems, we certainly suffered no grass to
+grow under our feet now. Four horses on the level, six when the road was
+heavy or newly gravelled; bulls at all the hills.
+
+It's the truth I 'm telling you, Tom, for a light London britschka, the
+usual team on a rising ground was six horses and three oxen, with
+about two men per quadruped,--boys and beggars _ad libitum_, I laughed
+heartily at it, till it came to paying for them, after which it became
+one of the worst jokes you can imagine. Onward we went, however, in one
+fashion or another, walking to "blow the cattle" when the road was level
+and smooth, and keeping a very pretty hunting-pace when the ruts were
+deep, and the rocks rugged.
+
+It seemed, to judge from our speed, that our haste was most imminent,
+for we changed horses at every station with an attempt at despatch that
+greatly disconcerted the post functionaries, and probably suggested to
+them grievous doubts about our respectability. After twenty-four hours
+of this jolting process, I was, as you may suppose, well wearied,--the
+more so, since my late confinement to bed had made me weak and
+irritable. Mrs. G., however, seemed to think nothing of it, so that for
+very shame' sake I could not complain. There is either a greater fund of
+endurance about women than in men, or else they have a stronger and more
+impulsive will, overcoming all obstacles in its way, or regarding them
+as nothing. I assure you, Tom, I'd have pulled up short at any of the
+villages we passed through and booked myself for a ten-hours' sleep, in
+that horizontal position that nature intended, but she wouldn't hear of
+it. "We must get on, dear Mr. Dodd;" "_You_ know how important time is
+to us;" "Do our best, and we shall be late enough." These and such like
+were the propositions which I had to assent to, without the very vaguest
+conception why.
+
+That night seemed to me as if it would never end. I never could close my
+eyes without dreaming of bailiffs, writs, judges' warrants, and Mrs. D.
+Then I got the notion into my head that I had been sentenced for some
+crime or other to everlasting travelling,--an impression, doubtless,
+suggested by my hearing through my sleep how we were constantly crossing
+some frontier, and entering a new territory. Now it was Hesse Cassel
+would pry into our portmanteaus; now it was Bavaria wanted to peep at
+our passports. Sigmaringen insisted on seeing that we had no concealed
+fire-arms. Hoch Heckingen searched us for smuggled tobacco. From a deep
+doze, which to my ineffable shame I discovered I had been taking on my
+fair companion's shoulder, I was suddenly awakened at daybreak by the
+roll of a drum, and the clatter of presenting arms. This was a place
+called Heinfeld, in the Duchy of Saxe-Weimar, where the commandant,
+supposing us to be royal personages, from our six horses and mounted
+courier, turned out the guard to salute us. I gave him briefly to
+understand that we were _incog._, and we passed on without further
+molestation.
+
+By noon we reached Eisenach, where, descending at the "Rautenkranz," the
+head inn, I bolted my door, and, throwing myself on my bed, slept far
+into the night. When I awoke, the house was all at rest, every one had
+retired, and in this solitude did I begin the recital of the singular
+page in my history which is now before you. I felt like one of those
+storm-tossed mariners who, on some unknown and distant ocean, commit
+their sorrows to paper, and then enclosing it in a bottle, leave the
+address to Fortune. I know not if these lines are ever to reach you.
+I know not who may read them. Perhaps, like Perouse, my fate may be a
+mystery for future ages. I feel altogether very low about myself.
+
+I was obliged to break off suddenly above, but I am now better. We have
+been two days here, and I like the place greatly. It lies in the midst
+of a fine mountain range--the Thuringians--with a deep forest on every
+side. Up to this we have had no tidings of the Princess, but we pass
+our time agreeably enough in visiting the remarkable objects in the
+neighborhood, one of which is the Wartburg, where Luther passed a year
+of imprisonment.
+
+I have collected some curious materials about the life of this
+Protestant champion for Father Maher, which will make a considerable
+sensation at home. There is an armory, too, in the castle of the most
+interesting kind; but, as usual, all the remarkable warriors were little
+fellows. The robbers of antiquity were big, but the great characters
+of chivalry, I remark, were small. The Constable dc Bourbon's armor
+wouldn't fit Kenny Dodd.
+
+I intend to send off this package to-day, by a "gentleman of the Jewish
+persuasion," so he styles himself, who is travelling "in the interest of
+soft soap," and will be in England within a fortnight. Where I shall be
+myself, by that time, Tom, Heaven alone can tell!
+
+My cash is running very low. I don't think that, above my lawful debts
+in this place, I could muster twelve pounds, and, after a careful
+exploration of the locality, I see no spot at all likely to "advance
+money on good personal security." You must immediately remit me a
+hundred, or a hundred and fifty, for present emergencies. My humiliation
+will be terrible if I have to speak about pecuniary matters in a certain
+quarter; and, as I said before, how long we may remain here, or where
+proceed when we leave this, I know as much as you do!
+
+I have begun four letters to Mrs. D., but have not satisfied myself that
+I am on the right tack in any of them. Writing home when you have not
+heard from it, is like legislation for a distant colony without any clew
+to the state of public opinion. You may be trying rigorous measures with
+a people ripe for rebellion, or perhaps refusing some concession that
+they have just wrested by force. When I think of domestic matters, I am
+strongly reminded of the Caffre war, for somehow affairs never look so
+badly as when they seem to promise a peace; and, like Sandilla, Mrs. D.
+is great at an ambush.
+
+You must write to her, Tom; say that I am greatly distressed at not
+getting any answers to my letters; that I wrote four,--which is true,
+though I never sent off any of them. Make a plausible case for my
+absence out of the present materials, and speak alarmingly about my
+health, for she knows I have sold my policy of insurance at the Phoenix,
+and is really uneasy when I look ill.
+
+If I was n't in such a mess, I should be distressed about the family,
+for I left them at Bonn with a mere trifle. When a man has got an
+incurable malady, he spends little money on doctoring, and so there is
+nothing saves fretting so much as being irretrievably ruined. Besides,
+it is in the world as in the water, it is struggling that drowns you;
+lie quietly down on your back, don't stir hand or limb, and somebody
+will be sure to pull you out, though it may chance to be by the hair.
+
+I have often thought, Tom, that life is like the game of chess. It's a
+fine thing to have the "move," if you play well, but if you don't, take
+my word for it, it's better to stay quiet, and not budge. This will give
+you the key to my system; and if I ever get into public life, this, I
+assure you, shall be "Dodd's Parliamentary Guide."
+
+I have now done, and you 'll say it's time too; but let me tell you,
+Tom, that when I seal and send off this, I 'll feel myself very lonely
+and miserable. It was a comfort to me some days back to go every now and
+then and dot down a line or two-, it kept me from thinking, which was a
+great blessing. You know how Gibbon felt when he wrote the last sentence
+of his great history; and although the Rise and Fall of Kenny Dodd be a
+small matter to posterity, it has a great hold upon his own affections.
+
+I see my pony at the door, and Mrs. G. is already mounted. We are going
+to some old abbey in the forest, where she is to sketch, and I am to
+smoke for an hour or two; so good-bye, and remember that my escape from
+this must depend upon your assistance. This Princess has not yet
+made her appearance, nor have I the slightest guide as to her future
+intentions.
+
+There are a quantity of home questions I am anxious to speak about,
+but must defer the discussion till my next. I have not seen a newspaper
+since I started on this excursion. I know not who is "in" or "out." I
+shall learn all these things later on; so, once more, good-bye. Address
+me at the "Rue Garland," and believe me, faithfully, your friend,
+
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+
+P. S. When you mention to the neighbors having heard from me, it would
+be as well to say nothing of this little adventure of mine. Say that the
+Dodds are all well, and enjoying themselves, or something like that. If
+Mrs. D. has written to old Molly, try and get hold of the epistle, or
+otherwise I might as well be in the "Hue and Cry." Indeed, I don't see
+why you could n't stop her letters at the post-office in Bruff.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXIII. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH.
+
+Cour de Bade, Baden-Baden.
+
+My dear Molly,--It will be five weeks on Tuesday next since we saw K.
+I., and except a bit of a note, of which I 'll speak presently, never
+any tidings of him has reached us! I suppose, within the memory of
+man, wickedness equal to this has not been heard of. To go and disgrace
+himself, and, what's more, disgrace _us_, at his time of life, with two
+daughters grown up, and a son just going into the world, is a depth of
+baseness to which the mind cannot ascend.
+
+They 're away in Germany, my dear,--the happy pair! I wish I was near
+him. I 'd only ask to be for five minutes within reach of him. Faith, I
+don't think he 'd be so seductive and captivating for a little time to
+come. They 're off, I hear, to what they call the "Hearts Forest,"--a
+place, I take from the name, to be the favorite resort of loving
+couples. From the first day, Molly, I suspected what was coming; for,
+though James and Mary Anne persisted in saying that he was only gone
+for a day or two, I went to his drawers and saw that he had taken every
+stitch of his clothes that was good for anything away with him.
+
+"If he 's only gone for two days," says I, "what does he want with
+fourteen shirts and four embroidered fronts for dress, not to speak of
+his new black suit and his undress Deputy-Lieutenant's coat?" I tossed
+and tumbled over everything, and sure enough there was little left to
+look at. So you see, Molly, it was all planned before, and the whole was
+arranged with a cold-blooded duplicity that makes me boil to think over.
+This wasn't all, either; but he must go and draw a bill on the landlord
+for a hundred and twenty pounds; and, without the slightest attention to
+all that we owed in the hotel, or even leaving us a sixpence, away goes
+my gallant Lutherian, only thinking of love and pleasure!
+
+The half of the McCarthy legacy is gone already to meet these demands
+and enable us to come on here; and even with that I could n't have done
+it if it had n't been for Lord George's kindness, for he knows so much
+about bills, and bankers, and when the exchange is good, and what is
+the favorable moment to draw upon London, that, as he says himself, one
+learns at last to "make a pound go as far as five."
+
+As to staying any longer at Bonn, it was out of the question. The whole
+town was talking of K. I., and everybody used to stop us and ask, with a
+mournful voice, if we had n't got any tidings of Mr. Dodd?
+
+And now we're here, I must say it is a charming place; and for real
+life and enjoyment, there 's probably not its equal in Europe. And then,
+Molly, the great feature is certainly the universal kindness and charity
+that prevails. You may do what you like, wear what you like, go where
+you like. I was a little bit afraid at first that the story of K. I.
+would get abroad and damage us in society; but Lord George said:
+"You mistake Baden, my dear Mrs. Dodd. If there 's anything they 're
+peculiarly lenient to, it's just _that_. There's no cant, no hypocrisy
+here; nobody would endure such for an hour. Everybody knows that the
+world is not peopled with angels, and England is the only country where
+they affect that delusion. Here all are natural, sincere, and candid."
+These were his words, and I assure you they are no more than the
+truth; and so far from K. I. 's conduct being regarded in any spirit of
+unfairness towards us, I really believe that we have met a great deal of
+delicate and refined notice on account of it. As Lord G. remarks, "They
+know that you don't belong to that strait-laced set of humbugs that want
+to frown down all mankind. They see at once that you have the habits of
+the world, and the instincts of good society, and that you come amongst
+them neither to criticise nor censure, but to please and be pleased." I
+quote his very expressions, Molly, because, with all his wildness, his
+sentiments are invariably beautiful; and I must say that an ill-natured
+word never comes out of his mouth. If there 's anything he excels in,
+too, it's tact. This he showed very remarkably when we arrived here.
+"We must do the thing handsomely," said he, "or we shall be sure to
+hear that Mr. D.'s absence is owing to pecuniary difficulties." And so,
+accordingly, he arranged to purchase a beautiful pair of gray ponies,
+and a small park phaeton, belonging to a young Russian, that was just
+ruined at the tables. We got the whole equipage for little more
+than half what it cost, and a tiger--as they call the little boy in
+buttons--goes with it.
+
+We have taken the first apartment in the "Cour de Bade," and have put
+Paddy Byrne in a suit of green and gold, that always reminds me of poor
+Daniel O'Connell. Lord G. drives me out every day himself, and I hear
+all the passers-by say, "It's Tiverton and Mrs. Dodd," in a manner
+that shows we 're as well known as the first people in the place. He
+is acquainted with every man, woman, and child in the town; and it is a
+perpetual "How are ye, Tiverton?"--"How goes it, George?"--"At the old
+trade, eh?"--as we drive along, that amuses me greatly. And it isn't
+only that he knows them personally, but he is familiar with all their
+private histories. It would fill a book--and a nice volume it would
+be!--if I were to tell you one-half of the stories he told me yesterday,
+going down to Lichtenthal. But the names is so confusing. How he
+remembers them all, I can't conceive.
+
+We go to the rooms in the evening, full dressed, and as fine as you
+please; and if you saw how the company rises to meet us, and the
+gracious manner we are received by all the first people, you 'd think we
+were sisters with half the room. For rank, wealth, and beauty, I never
+saw its equal; and the "tone," as Lord G. observes, is "so easy." Mary
+Anne usually dances all night, but _I_ only stand up for a quadrille,
+though Lord George torments me to polka with him. As for James, he never
+quits the roulette-table, which is a kind of game where you always win
+thirty-six times as much as you put down, though maybe occasionally you
+lose your stake, for it 's all chance, Molly, and, like everything else
+in this wicked world, in the hands of Fate!
+
+I 'm afraid James does n't understand the game, or forgets to take up
+his winnings; for when he joins us at supper, he looks depressed and
+careworn, till he has taken two or three glasses of champagne. Caroline,
+as you may suppose, stays moping at home. If there's anything distresses
+me more than another, it's the way that girl goes on. Here we are,
+in the very thick of the fashion, spending money,--as fast as
+hops,--ruining ourselves, I may say, with expense; and instead of taking
+the benefit of it while "it's going," she sits up in her room reading
+her eyes out of her head, and studying things that no woman need
+know. As I say to her, "What good is it to you? Will it ever get you a
+husband, to know that Sir Humphrey Clinker invented the safety-lamp?
+or do you suppose that any man will take a fancy to you for the sake
+of your chemistry and eccentricity? Besides," says I, "you could do all
+this at home, in Dodsborough, and who knows if we should n't be obliged
+to go back and finish our days in Ireland!" And in my heart and soul I
+believe it's what she 'd like!
+
+The real affliction in life is to see your children not take after you!
+That is the most dreadful calamity of all. You toil and you slave
+to bring them up with high notions, to teach them to look down upon
+whatever is low and mean, to avoid their poor relations, and whatever
+disgraces them, and you find, the whole time, 'tis looking back they
+are to their humble origin, and fancying that they were happier, for no
+other reason than because they were lower!
+
+It is, maybe, the McCarthy blood in me, but I feel as if the higher
+I went the lighter I grew; and so it is, I 'm sure, with Mary Anne.
+I know, from her face across the room, whether she's dancing with a
+"prince," or only "a gentleman from the United States"! And even in the
+matter of looks it makes the greatest difference in her. In the one
+case her eyes sparkle, her head is thrown back, her cheek glows with
+animation; while in the other she seems half asleep, dances out of time,
+and probably answers out of place.
+
+From all these facts, I gather, Molly, that there's nothing so elevating
+to the mind as moving in a rank above your own; and I'm sure I don't
+forgive myself when I keep company with my equals. I believe James has
+less of the Dodd and more of the M'Carthy in him than the girls. He
+takes to the aristocracy so naturally,--calls them by their names, and
+makes free with them in a way that is really beautiful; and they call
+him "Jim," or some of them say "Jeemes," just as familiar as himself.
+I suppose it's no use repining, but I often feel, Molly, that if it was
+the Lord's will that I was to be left a widow, I 'd see my children high
+in the world before long.
+
+This reminds me of K. I., and here's his letter for you. I copy it word
+for word, without note or comma:--
+
+"Dear Jemi,--We are waiting here for the Princess, who has not yet
+arrived, but is expected to-day or to-morrow at furthest You will be
+sorry to hear that I was ill and confined for more than a week to my bed
+at Ems." Will I, indeed? "It was a kind of low fever." I read it a love
+fever, Molly, when I saw it first "But I am now much better." You never
+were worse in your life, you old hypocrite, thinks I. "And am able to
+take a little exercise on horseback.
+
+"The expense of this journey, unavoidable as it was! is very
+considerable, so that I reckon upon your practising the strictest
+economy during my absence." I thought I'd choke, Molly, when I seen
+this. Just think of the daring impudence of the man telling me that
+while he is lavishing hundreds on his vices and wickedness, the family
+is to starve to enable him to bear the expense. "The strictest economy
+during my absence." I wish I was near you when you wrote It!
+
+Then comes in some balderdash about the scenery, and the place they
+'re at, just as coolly described as if it was talking of Bruff or the
+neighborhood; the whole winding up with, "Mrs. G. H. desires me to
+convey her tender regards"--what she can spare, I suppose, without
+robbing him--"to you and the girls. No time for more, from yours
+sincerely,
+
+"Kenny James Dodd."
+
+
+There's an epistle for you! You 'll not find the like of it in the
+"Polite Letter-Writer," I 'll wager. The father of a family--and such a
+family too!--discoursing as easily about the height of iniquity as if he
+was alluding to the state of the weather, or the price of sheep at the
+last fair. He flatters himself, maybe, that this free-and-easy way is
+the best to bamboozle me, and that by seeming to make nothing of it, I
+'ll take the same view as himself. Is that all he knows of me yet? Did
+he ever succeed in deceiving me during the last seventeen years? Did n't
+I find him out in twenty things when he did n't know himself of his own
+depravity? I tell you in confidence, Molly, that if coming abroad is an
+elegant thing for our sex, it's downright ruin to men of K. I.'s time of
+life! When they come to fifty, or thereabouts, in Ireland, they settle
+down to something respectable, either on the Bench, or Guardians to the
+Union. Their thoughts runs upon green crops and draining, and how to
+raise a trifle, by way of loan, from the Board of Works. But not having
+these things, abroad, to engage them, they take to smartening themselves
+up with polished boots and blackened whiskers, and what between pinching
+here, and padding there, they get the notion that they 're just what
+they were thirty years ago! Oh dear! oh dear! sure they 've only to go
+upstairs a little quick, to stoop to pick up a handkerchief, or button a
+boot, to detect the mistake, and if that won't do, let them try a polka
+with a young lady just out for her first season!
+
+Of all the old fools, in this fashion, I never met a worse than K.
+I.! and what adds to the disgrace, he knows it himself, and he goes on
+saying, "Sure I 'm too old for this," or "I'm past that;" and I always
+chime in with, "Of course you are; you 'd cut a nice figure;" and so on.
+But what's the use of it, Molly? Their vanity and conceit sustains
+them against all the snubs in the world, and till they come down to a
+Bath-chair, they never believe that they can't dance a hornpipe! I could
+say a great deal more on this subject, but I must turn to other things.
+You must see Purcell and tell him the way we 're left, without a
+fraction of money, nor knowing where to get it Tell him that I wrote to
+Waters about a separation, which I would, only that K. I.'s affairs is
+in such a state, I 'd have to put up with a mere trifle. Say that I 'm
+going to expose him in the newspapers, and there's "no knowing where I
+'ll stop," for that's exactly the threat Tom Purcell will be frightened
+at.
+
+Get him to send me a remittance immediately, and describe our distress
+and destitution as touchingly as you can.
+
+Here 's more of it, Molly. James has just come in to say that the
+Ministry is out in England, and that the new Government is giving
+everything away to the Irish, and that old villain, K. I., not on the
+spot to ask for a place! James tells me it's the Brigade is to have the
+best things; but I don't remember if K. I. belongs to it, though I know
+he's in the Yeomanry. From Lord-Lieutenant down to the letter-carriers,
+they must be all Irish now, James says. We 're to have Ireland for
+ourselves, and as much of England as we can, for we 'll never rest till
+we get perfect equality, and I must say it 's time too!
+
+K. I. is n't fit for much, but maybe he might get something. The
+Treasury is where he 'd like to be, but I 'm not certain it would suit
+him. At all events, he 's not to the fore, and I don't think they 'll
+send to look for him, as they did for Sir Robert Peel! Till we know,
+however, whether he has a chance of anything, it would be better to keep
+his present conduct a profound secret, for James remarks "that they make
+a great fuss about character nowadays;" and it comes well from them,
+Molly, if the stories I hear be true!
+
+Ask Purcell what's vacant in K. I.'s line? which, you may say, goes from
+Lunatic Asylums to the Court of Chancery. I don't want James to have
+an Irish appointment, but he says there's something in Gambia--wherever
+that is--that he'd like.
+
+As, of course, K. I. and myself can never live together again, it would
+be very convenient if he was to get something that would require him to
+stay in Ireland,--either a suspensory magistrate or a place in Newgate
+would do. You 'll wonder at my troubling myself about a man that behaved
+as he did; and, indeed, I wonder at myself for it; and what I say is,
+maybe this might happen, maybe the other, and I 'd be sorry afterwards;
+and if he was to be taken away suddenly, I 'd like to be sure to have my
+mind easy, and in a happy frame.
+
+Isn't it dreadful to think that it's about these things my letter is
+filled, while all the enjoyment in life is going on about me? There's
+the band underneath my window playing the Railroad Polka, and the crowd
+round them is princesses and duchesses and countesses, all so elegantly
+dressed, and looking so sweet and amiable. Every minute the door opens,
+with an invitation for this or that, or maybe a nosegay of beautiful
+flowers that a prince with a wonderful name has sent to Mary Anne. And
+here 's a man with the most tempting jewelry from Vienna, and another
+with lace and artificial flowers; and all for nothing, Molly, or next to
+nothing,--if one had a trifle to spend on them. And so we might, too, if
+K. I. had n't behaved this way.
+
+There's to be a grand ball to-night at the Rooms, and Mary Anne is come
+to me about her dress; for one thing here is indispensable,--you must
+never appear twice in the same. For the life of me, I don't know what
+they do with the old gowns, but Mary Anne and myself has a stock already
+that would set up a moderate mantua-maker. As to shoes, and gloves too,
+a second night out of them is impossible, though Mary Anne tries to wear
+them at small tea-parties. Speaking of this, I must say that girl will
+be a treasure to the man that gets her; for she has so many ways of
+turning things to account: there 's not an old lace veil, nor a bit of
+net, nor even a flower, that she can't find use for, somewhere or other.
+As to Caroline, she looks like a poor governess; there's no taste nor
+style whatever about her; and as to a bit of ribbon round her throat,
+or a cheap brooch, she never wears one! I tell her every day, "You 're a
+Dodd, my dear,--a regular Dodd. You have no more of the M'Carthy in you
+than if you never saw me." And, indeed, she takes after the father in
+everything. She has a dry, sneering way about whatever is genteel or
+high-bred, and the same liking for anything low and common; but, after
+all, I 'm lucky to have Mary Anne and James what they are! There 's no
+position in life that they 're not equal to; and if I 'm not greatly
+mistaken, it's in the very highest rank they 'll settle down at last
+This opinion of mine, Molly, is the best and shortest answer I can
+give to what you ask me in your last letter,--"What's the use of going
+abroad?" But, indeed, your question--as Lord George remarked, when I
+told him of it--is, "What's the use of civilization? What's the use of
+clothes? What's the use of cooked victuals?" You'll say, perhaps, that
+you have all these in Ireland; and I'll tell you, just as flatly, You
+have not. You stare with surprise, but I repeat to you, You have not.
+
+An old iron shop in Pill Lane, with bits of brass, broken glass, and old
+crockery, is just as like Storr and Mortimer's as your Irish habits
+and ways are like the real world. Why, Molly, there's no breeding nor
+manners at all! You are all twice too familiar, or what you perhaps
+would call cordial, with each other; and yet you dare n't, for the life
+of you, say what every foreigner would say to a lady the first time he
+ever met her. That's your notion of good manners!
+
+As to your clothes, I get red as a turkey-cock with pure shame when I
+think of a Dublin bonnet, with a whole botanical garden over it; but,
+indeed, when one thinks of the dirty streets and the shocking climate,
+they forgive you for keeping all the finery for the head.
+
+The cookery I won't speak of. There's people can eat it, and much good
+may it do them; and my heart bleeds when I think of their sufferings.
+But maybe Ireland _is_ coming round, after all. What I hear is, that
+when everybody is sold out, matters will begin to mend. I suppose it's
+just as if the whole country was taking what's called the "Benefit of
+the Act," and that they'll start fresh again in the world without owing
+sixpence. If that's the meaning of the Cumbered Estates, it's the best
+thing ever was done for Ireland, and I only wonder they did n't think
+of it earlier; for my sure and certain opinion is that there's nothing
+distresses a man like trying to pay off old debts; and it destroys the
+spirits besides, for ye 're always saying, "It was n't _me_ that spent
+_this_, I had n't any fun for _that_."
+
+James has just come in with the list of the new Ministry, and among all
+the Irish appointments I don't see as good a name as K. I.'s; and you
+may fancy how respectable they are after that! But the truth is, Molly,
+it's the same with politics as with the potatoes: one is satisfied to
+put up with anything in a famine. K. I. used to say that when he was
+young, his Irish name would have excluded him as much from any chance
+of office as if he was a Red Indian; but times is changed now, and I
+see two or three in the list that their colleagues will never pronounce
+rightly,--and that, at least, is something gained.
+
+And just to think of it, Molly! Who knows, if K. I. wasn't disgracing
+himself this minute, that he would n't be high in the Administration? I
+remember the time when it was only Lord James this, or Sir Michael that,
+got anything; but now you may remark that it's maybe a fellow would rob
+the mail is a Lord of the Treasury, and one that would take fright at
+his own shadow is made Clerk of the Ordnance. That's a great "step in
+the right direction," Molly, and it shows, besides, that we 're daily
+living down obscene and antiquated prejudices.
+
+You like a long letter, you say, and I hope you 'll be satisfied with
+this, for I 'm four days over it; but, to be sure, half the time is
+spent crying over the barbarous treatment I 've met from K. I. That you
+may never know what it is to have a like grief, is the prayer of your
+affectionate friend,
+
+Jemima Dodd.
+
+P. S. Mary Anne sends her love and regards, and Cary, too, desires to
+be remembered to you. She is longing to have old Tib here, as if a black
+cat would be anything remarkable on the Continent But that 's the way
+with her. All the Dodsborough geese are swans in _her_ estimation.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXIV. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQUIRE, TRINITY COLLEGE,
+DUBLIN.
+
+Baden-Baden.
+
+My dear Bob,--I copy the following paragraph from the "Galignani"
+of yesterday: "Considerable excitement has been caused amongst the
+fashionable visitors of Baden by the rumored elopement of the charming
+Mrs. G * * * H * * *. * * with an Irish gentleman of large fortune, and
+who, though considerably past the prime of life, is evidently not beyond
+the age of fascination. Our readers will appreciate the reserve with
+which we only allude to a report, the bare mention of which will
+doubtless give the deepest distress amongst a wide circle of our very
+highest aristocracy." Probably all your conic sections and spherical
+trigonometry learning would never enable you to read the riddle aright,
+and so I shall save you the profitless effort by saying that the
+delinquent so delicately indicated in the above is no other than the
+worthy governor himself. Ay, Bob, as the old song says,--
+
+     "No age, no profession, nor station is free,
+     To sovereign beauty mankind bends the knee;"
+
+and how should it be expected that Dodd père could resist the soft
+impeachment? To be as intelligible as the circumstances permit, I must
+ask of you to call to mind a certain very beautiful fellow-traveller
+of ours,--a Mrs. Gore Hampton. She is the Dido of this Æneid. Not
+that there is in reality any--even the remotest--shade of truth in the
+newspaper paragraph; the entire event being explicable upon far less
+romantic and less interesting grounds. Mrs. G. H. having desired the
+protection of my father's escort to some small town in Germany, and
+not wishing to excite the inevitable hostility of my mother to the
+arrangement, determined upon a night march, without beat of drum. In
+this way was the fortress evacuated; and when the garrison were mustered
+for duty, Dodd père was reported missing.
+
+Tiverton, who was in the secret throughout, explained everything to
+me, and I as readily imparted the explanation to the girls; but all our
+endeavors to convince my mother were totally fruitless. "She knew him of
+old,"--"she guessed many a day since what he was,"--"it was not now that
+she had to read his character,"--these and similar intimations, coupled
+with others even stronger and less flattering as regarded his time of
+life, manners, and personal advantages, were more than enough to drown
+all our arguments; and I must confess that she arranged the details of
+circumstantial evidence against him with a degree of art and dexterity
+that might have reflected credit on a Crown lawyer.
+
+Of course, the first three or four days after the event were not of the
+pleasantest; for, not satisfied with the sympathies of a home circle, my
+mother empanelled "special juries" of the waiters and chambermaids, and
+arraigned the unlucky governor on a series of charges extending to a
+period far beyond the "statute of limitations."
+
+Under these circumstances there was nothing for it but to leave this
+place at once, and establish our quarters in some new locality. Baden
+offered the most advisable sphere, whither we have come, if not to hide
+our sorrows, at least to console our griefs. I am perfectly convinced
+that if the governor came back to-morrow, and could only obtain a fair
+hearing, he could satisfactorily explain why he went, where he was, and
+everything else about his absence; but there lies the real difficulty,
+Bob. He will be condemned _per contumaciam_, if not actually hooted out
+of court with indignation. While this is undeniably true, you will be
+astonished to hear how thoroughly public sympathy would be with him,
+were he boldly to stand forth and tender his plea of "Guilty." I was
+slow to credit this when Tiverton told me so at first, but I now see
+it is perfect fact. Good society abroad exacts something in the way of
+qualification,--like what certain charitable institutions require at
+home,--you must have sinned before you can hope for admittance! It is
+not enough that you express profligate opinions,--speak disparagingly
+of whatever is right, and praise the wrong,--you are expected to give
+a proof, a good, palpable, unmistakable proof of your professions, and
+show yourself a man of your word. The oddest thing about all this is
+that these evidences are not demanded on any moral or immoral grounds,
+but simply as requirements of good breeding,--in other words, you have
+no right to mix in society where your purity of character may give
+offence; such pretension would be a downright impertinence.
+
+Hence you will perceive that if the governor only knew of it, he might
+take brevet rank as a scamp, and actually figure here as one of the
+"profligates of the season." Meanwhile, his absence is not without its
+inconveniences; and if he remain much longer away, I am sorely afraid,
+we shall be reduced to a paper currency, not "convertible" at will.
+
+I have myself been terribly unlucky at "the tables," have lost heavily,
+and am deeply in debt. Tiverton, however, tells me never to despair, and
+that when pushed to the wall a man can always retrieve himself by a rich
+marriage. I confess the remedy is not exactly to my taste,--but what
+remedy ever is? If it must be so, it must. There are just now some three
+or four great prizes in the wheel matrimonial here, of which I will
+speak more fully in my next; my object in the present being rather to
+tell you where we are, than to communicate the _res gesto_ of
+
+Your ever attached friend,
+
+James Dodd.
+
+P. S. Don't think of reading for the Fellowship, I beg and entreat of
+you. If you will take to "monkery," do it among our own fellows, who
+at least enjoy lives of ease and indolence. Besides, it is a downright
+absurdity to suppose that any man ever rallies after four years of
+hard study and application. As Tiverton says, "You train too fine, and
+there's no work in you afterwards."
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXV. KENNY DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+
+Eisenach, "The Rue Garland."
+
+Mr dear Tom,--You may see by the address that I am still here, although
+in somewhat different circumstances from those in which I last wrote to
+you. No longer "mi lor," the occupant of the "grand suite of apartments
+with the balcony," flattered by beauty, and waited on with devotion. I
+am now alone; the humble tenant of a small sanded parlor, and but too
+happy to take a very unpretending place at my host's table. I seek
+out solitary spots for my daily walks,--I select the very cheapest
+"Canastre" for my lonely pipe,--and, in a word, I am undergoing a course
+of "the silent system," accompanied by thoughts of the past,
+present, and the future, gloomy as ever were inflicted by any code of
+penitentiary discipline.
+
+I know not if--seeing the bulk of this formidable despatch--you will
+have patience to read it: I have my doubts that you will employ somebody
+to "note the brief" for you, and only address yourself to the strong
+points of the case. Be this as it may, it is a relief to me to decant my
+sorrows even into my ink-bottle; and I come back at night with a sense
+of consolation that shows me that, no matter how lonely and desolate
+a man may be in the world, there is a great source of comfort in the
+sympathy he has for himself. This may sound like a bull, but it is not
+one, as I am quite ready to show. But my poor brains are not in order
+for metaphysics, and so, with your leave, I 'll just confine myself to
+narrative for the present, and keep all the philosophy of my argument
+for another occasion.
+
+Lest, however, you should only throw your eyes carelessly over these
+lines and not adventure far into the detail of my sorrows, I take this
+early opportunity of saying that I am living here on credit,--that I
+have n't five shillings left to me,--that my shoemaker lies in wait
+for me in the Juden-Gasse, and my washerwoman watches for me near the
+church. Schnaps, snuff, and cigars have encompassed me round about with
+small duns, and I live in a charmed circle of petty persecutions,
+that would drive a less good-tempered man half-crazy. Not that I am
+ungrateful to Providence for many blessings; I acknowledge heartily the
+great advantage I possess in knowing nothing whatever of the language,
+so that I am enabled to preserve my equanimity under what very probably
+may be the foulest abuse that ever was poured out upon insolvent
+humanity.
+
+My wardrobe is dwindled to the "shortest span." I have "taken out" my
+great-coat in Kirschwasser, and converted my spare small-clothes into
+cigars. My hat has gone to repair my shoes; and as my razors are pledged
+for pen, ink, and paper, I have grown a beard that would make the
+fortune of an Italian refugee, or of a missionary speaker at Exeter
+Hall!
+
+My host of the "Rue Garland" hasn't seen a piece of my money for the
+last fortnight; and now, for the first time since I came abroad, am I
+able to say that I find the Continent cheap to live in. Ay, Tom, take
+my word for it, the whole secret lies in this,--"Do with little, and pay
+for less," and you 'll find a great economy in coming abroad to live.
+But if you cannot cheat yourself as well as your creditors, take my
+advice and stay at home. These, however, are only spare reflections; and
+I'll now resume my story, taking up the thread of it where I left off in
+my last.
+
+It is really all like a dream to me, Tom; and many times I am unable to
+convince myself that it is not a dream, so strange and so novel are
+all the incidents that have of late befallen me, so unlike every
+former passage of my life, and so unsuited am I by nature, habit, and
+temperament for the curious series of adventures in which I have been
+involved.
+
+After all, I suppose it is downright balderdash to say that a man is not
+adapted for this, or suited to that. I remember people telling me that
+public life would n't do for me; that I was n't the kind of man for
+Parliament, and so on; but I see the folly of it all now. The truth
+is, Tom, that there is a faculty of accommodation in human nature, and
+wherever you are placed, under whatever circumstances situated, you
+'ll discover that your spirit, like your stomach, learns to digest
+everything; though I won't deny that it may now and then be at the cost
+of a heartburn in the one case as well as the other.
+
+When I wrote to you last, I was living a kind of pastoral life,--a
+species of Meliboeus, without sheep! If I remember aright, I left off
+when we were just setting out on an excursion into the forest,--one
+of those charming rides over the smooth sward, and under the trellised
+shadow of tall trees, now loitering pensively before some vista of the
+wood, now cantering along with merry laughter, as though with every
+bound we left some care behind never to overtake us. Ah, Tom, it's no
+use for me to argue and reason with myself; I always find that I come
+back to the same point, and that whatever touches my feelings, whatever
+makes my heart vibrate with pleasant emotion, whatever brings back to me
+the ardent, confiding, trustful tone of my young days, does me good, and
+that I'm a better man for it, even though "the situation," as you would
+call it, was rather equivocal. Don't mistake me, Tom Purcell, I don't
+want to go wrong; I have not the slightest inclination to break my neck.
+The height of my ambition is only to look over the precipice. Can't you
+understand that? Try and "realize" that to yourself, as the Yankees say,
+and you'll at once comprehend the whole charm and fascination of my late
+life here. I was always "looking over the precipice," always speculating
+upon the terrible perils of the drop, and always half hugging myself
+in my sense of security. Maybe this is metaphysics again; if it is, I'm
+sorry for it, but the German Diet must take the blame of it,--a course
+of sauerkraut would make any man flighty.
+
+Well, I 'll spare you all description of these "Forest days," at
+whatever cost to my own feelings; and it is not every man that would put
+that much constraint upon himself, for something tells me that the theme
+would make me "come out strong." That, what with my descriptive powers
+as regards scenery, and my acute analysis on the score of emotions, I
+'d astonish you, and you 'd be forced to exclaim, "Kenny is a very
+remarkable man. Faith! I never thought he had this in him." Nor did I
+know it myself, Tom Purcell; nor as much as suspect it. The fact is,
+my natural powers never had fair play. Mrs. D. kept me in a state of
+perpetual conflict. "Little wars," as the Duke used to say, "destroy
+a state;" and in the same way it's your small domesticities--to coin
+a word--that ruin a man's nature and fetter his genius. You think,
+perhaps, that I 'm employing an over-ambitious phrase, but I am not.
+Mrs. G. H. assured me that I actually did possess "genius," and I
+believe in my heart that she is the only one who ever really understood
+me.
+
+No man understood human nature better than Byron, and he says, in one of
+his letters, "that none of us ever do anything till a woman takes us
+in hand;" by which, of course, he means the developing of our better
+instincts,--the illustrating our latent capabilities, and so on; and
+that, let me observe to you, is exactly what our wives never do. With
+them, it is everlastingly some small question of domestic economy. They
+"take the vote on the supplies" every morning at breakfast, and they
+go to bed at night with thoughts of the "budget." The woman, therefore,
+referred to by the poet cannot be what we should call in Ireland "the
+woman that owns you." And here, again, my dear friend, is another
+illustration of my old theory,--how hard it is for a man to be good and
+great at the same time. Indeed, I am disposed to say that Nature never
+intended we should, but in all probability meant to typify, by the
+separation, the great manufacturing axiom,--"the division of labor."
+
+Be this as it may, Byron is right, and if there be an infinitesimal
+spark of the divine essence in your nature, your female friend will
+detect it with the same unerring accuracy that a French chemist hunts
+out the ten-thousandth part of a grain of arsenic in a case of poison.
+It would amaze you were I to tell you how markedly I perceived the
+changes going on in myself when under this influence. There was, so
+to say, a great revolution going on within me, that embraced all my
+previous thoughts and opinions on men, manners, and morals. I felt that
+hitherto I had been taking a kind of Dutch view of life from the mere
+level of surrounding objects, but that now I was elevated to a high and
+commanding position, from which I looked down with calm dignity. I must
+observe to you that Mrs. G. H. was not only in the highest fashionable
+circles of London, but that she was one who took a very active part in
+political life. This will doubtless surprise you, Tom, as it did myself,
+for we know really nothing in Ireland of the springs that set great
+events in motion. Little do we suspect the real influence women
+exercise,--the sway and control they practise over those who rule us.
+I wish you heard Mrs. G. H. talk, how she made Bustle do this, and
+persuaded Pumistone do the other. Foreign affairs are her forte, and,
+indeed, she owned to me that purely Home matters were too narrow and too
+local to interest her. What she likes is a great Russian question, with
+the Bosphorus and the Danubian Provinces, and the Hospodar of Wallachia
+to deal with; or Italy and the Austrians, with a skirmishing dash at
+the Pope and the King of Naples. She is a Whig, for she told me that
+the Tories were a set of rude barbarians, that never admitted female
+influence; and "the consequence is," says she, "they never know what
+is doing at foreign courts. Now _we_ knew everything: there was
+the Princess Sleeboffsky, at St. Petersburg; and the Countess von
+Schwarmerey, at Berlin; and Madame de la Tour de Force, at Florence,
+all in our interest. There was not a single impertinent allusion made
+to England, in all the privacy of royal domestic life, that we hadn't it
+reported to us; and we knew, besides, all the little 'tendresses' of
+the different statesmen of the Continent, for, in our age, we bribe with
+Beauty, where formerly it was a matter of Bank-notes. The Tories, on
+the other hand, lived with their wives, which at once accounts for the
+narrowness of their views, and the limited range of their speculations."
+
+All this may read to you like a digression, my dear Tom, but it is not;
+for it enables me to exhibit to you some of those traits by which this
+fascinating creature charmed and engaged me. She opened so many new
+views of life to me,--explained so much of what was mystery to me
+before,--recounted so many amusing stories of great people,--gave me
+such passing glimpses of that wonderful world made up of kings and
+kaisers and ministers, who are, so to say, the great pieces of the
+chess-board, whereon we are but pawns,--that I actually felt as if I had
+been a child till I knew her.
+
+Another grand result of this kind of information is, that, as you
+extend your observation beyond the narrow sphere of home,--whether it
+be politically or domestically,--you learn at last to think so little
+of what you once regarded as your own immediate and material interests,
+that you have as many--maybe more--sympathies with the world at large
+than with those actually belonging to you. Such was the progress I made
+in this enlightenment, that I felt far more anxious about the Bosphorus
+than ever I did for Bruff, and would rather have seen the Austrians
+expelled from Lom-bardy than have turned out every "squatter" off my
+own estate at Dodsborough. And it is not only that one acquires grander
+notions this way, but there are a variety of consolations in the system.
+You grumble at the poor-rates, and I point to the population of
+Milan paying ten times as much to their tyrants. You exclaim against
+extermination, and I reply, "Look at Poland." You complain of the
+priests' exactions, and I say, "Be thankful that you haven't the Pope."
+
+Now, Tom, come back from all these speculations, and bring your thoughts
+to bear upon her that originated them, and don't wonder at me if I did
+n't know how the days were slipping past; nor could only give a mere
+passing, fugitive reflection to the fact that I have a wife and three
+children somewhere, not very abundantly furnished with the "sinews of
+war." I suppose, if we could only understand it, that we 'd discover our
+minds were like our bodies, and that we sometimes succumb to influences
+we could resist at other moments. Put your head out of the window at
+certain periods, and you are certain to catch a cold. I conclude that
+there are seasons the heart is just as susceptible.
+
+I cannot give you a stronger illustration of the strange delirium of my
+faculties than the fact that I actually forgot the Princess whom we came
+expressly to meet, and never once asked about her. It was some time
+in the sixth week of our sojourn that the thought shot through my
+brain,--"Was n't there a princess to be here?--did n't we expect to see
+her?" How Mrs. G. H. laughed when I asked her the question! She really
+could n't stop herself for ten minutes. "But I am right," cried I;
+"there really _was_ a princess?"
+
+"To be sure you are, my dear Mr. Dodd," said she, wiping her eyes;
+"but you must have been living in a state of trance, or you would have
+remembered that the poor dear Duchess was obliged to accompany the
+Empress to Sicily, and that she could n't possibly count upon being here
+before the middle of September."
+
+"What month are we in now?" asked I, timidly.
+
+"July, of course!" said she, laughing.
+
+"June, July, August, September," said I, counting on my fingers; "that
+will be four months!"
+
+"What do you mean?" asked she.
+
+"I mean," said I, "it will be four months since I saw Mrs. D. and the
+family."
+
+She pressed her handkerchief to her face, and I thought I heard her sob;
+indeed I am certain I did. Nothing was further from my thoughts than to
+say a rude thing, or even an unfeeling one, and so I assured her over
+and over. I protested that it was the very first time since I came
+away that I ever as much as remembered one belonging to me; that it was
+impossible for a man to feel less the ties of family; that I looked upon
+myself--and, indeed, I hoped she also looked upon me in a way--in fact,
+regarded me in a light--I'm not exactly clear, Tom, what light I said;
+of course, you can imagine what I intended to say, if I did n't say it.
+
+"Is this really true?" said she, without uncovering her face, while she
+extended her other hand towards me.
+
+"True!" repeated I. "If it were not true, why am I here? Why have I
+left--" I just caught myself in time, Tom. I was nearly "in it" again,
+with an allusion to Mrs. D.; but I changed it, and said, "Why am I your
+slave,--why am I at your feet--" Just as I said that, suiting the action
+to the words, the door of the room was jerked violently open, and a tall
+man, with a tremendous bushy pair of whiskers, poked his head in.
+
+[Illustration: 340]
+
+"Oh, heavens!" cried she; "mined and undone!" and fled before I could
+see her; while the stranger, fastening the door behind him with the key,
+advanced towards me with an air at once so menacing and warlike that I
+seized the poker, an instrument about four feet six long, and stood on
+the defensive.
+
+"Mr. Kenny Dodd, I believe," said he, solemnly.
+
+"The same!" said I.
+
+"And not Lord Harvey Bruce, at least, on this occasion," said he, with a
+kind of sneer.
+
+"No," said I, "and who are you?"
+
+"I am Lord Harvey Bruce, sir," was the answer.
+
+I don't think I said anything in reply; indeed, I am quite sure I did
+not say a syllable; but I must have made some expressive gesture, or
+suffered some exclamation to escape me, for he quickly rejoined,--
+
+"Yes, sir, you have, indeed, reason to be thankful; for had it been my
+wretched, miserable, and injured friend instead, you would now be lying
+weltering in your blood."
+
+"Might I make bold to ask the name of the wretched, miserable, and
+injured gentleman to whom I was about to be so much indebted?"
+
+"The husband of your unhappy victim, sir," exclaimed he, and with such
+an energy of voice that I brandished the poker to show I was ready for
+him. "Yes, sir, Mr. Gore Hampton is now in this village,--to a mere
+accident you owe it that he is not in this hotel,--ay, in this very
+room."
+
+[Illustration: 342]
+
+And he gave a shudder at the words, as though the thoughts they
+suggested were enough to curdle a man's blood.
+
+"I'll tell you what, my Lord," said I, getting the table between us,
+to prevent any sudden attack on his part, "all your anger and
+high-down indignation are clean thrown away. There is no victim here at
+all,--there is no villain; and, so far as I am concerned, your friend
+is not either miserable or injured. The circumstances under which I
+accompanied that lady to this place are all easy of explanation, and
+such as require a very different acknowledgment from what you seem
+disposed to make for them."
+
+"If you think you are dealing with a schoolboy, sir, you are somewhat
+mistaken," broke he in. "I am a man of the world, and it will save us
+a deal of time, sir, if you will please to bear this plain fact in your
+memory."
+
+"You may be that, or anything else you like, my Lord," said I; "but I 'd
+have you to know that I am a man well respected in the world, the father
+of a grown-up family. There is no occasion for that heavy groan at all,
+my Lord; the case is not what you suspect. I came here purely out of
+friendship--"
+
+"Come, come, sir, this is sheer trifling; or, it is worse,--it is
+outrageous insult. The man who elopes with a woman, passes under a false
+name, retires with her into one of the most remote and unvisited towns
+of Germany, is discovered--as I lately discovered you,--only insults the
+understanding of him who listens to such excuses. We have tracked you,
+sir,--it is but fair to tell you,--from the Rhine to this village. We
+are prepared, when the proper time comes, to bring a host of evidence
+against you. In all probability, a more scandalous case has not come
+before the public these last twenty years. Rest assured, then, that
+denial, no matter how well sustained, will avail you little; and when
+you have arrived at this palpable conviction, it will greatly facilitate
+our progress towards the termination of this unhappy business."
+
+"Well, my Lord, let us suppose, for argument's sake,--'without
+prejudice,' however, as the attorneys say,--that I see everything with
+your eyes, what is the nature of the termination you allude to?"
+
+"From a gentleman coming from your side of St George's Channel, the
+question is somewhat singular," observed he, with a sneer.
+
+"Oh, I perceive," said I; "your Lordship means a duel." He bowed, and I
+went on: "Very well; I'm quite ready, whenever and wherever you please;
+and if your friend should n't make the arrangement inconvenient, it
+would be a great honor to me to exchange a shot with your Lordship
+afterwards. I have no friend by me, it is true; but maybe the landlord
+would oblige me so far, and I 'm sure you 'll not refuse me a pistol."
+
+"As regards your polite attentions to myself, sir, I have but to say
+I accept them; at the same time, I fear you are paying me a French
+compliment. It is not a case for a formal exchange of shots; so long as
+Hampton lives, you can never leave the ground alive!"
+
+"Then the best thing I can do is to shoot him," said I; and whether the
+speech was an unfeeling one, or the way I said it was bloodthirsty, but
+he certainly looked anything but easy in his mind.
+
+"The sooner we settle the affair the better, sir," said he, haughtily.
+
+"I think so, too, my Lord."
+
+"With whom can I, then, communicate on your part?"
+
+"I 'll ask the landlord, and if he declines, I 'll try the little barber
+on the Platz."
+
+"I must say, sir, it is the first time in my life I find myself in such
+company. Have you no countryman of your acquaintance within a reasonable
+distance?"
+
+"If Lord George Tiverton were here--"
+
+"If he were, sir, he could not act for you,--he is the near relative of
+my friend."
+
+I thought of everybody I could remember; but what was the use of it? I
+couldn't reach any of them, and so I was obliged to own. He seemed to
+ponder over this for some time, and then said,--
+
+"The matter requires some consideration, sir. When the unhappy result
+gets abroad in the world, it is necessary that nothing should attach to
+us as men of honor and gentlemen. Your friends will have the right to
+ask if you were properly seconded."
+
+"By the unhappy result, your Lordship delicately insinuates my death?"
+
+He gave a little sigh, adjusted his cravat, and smoothed down his
+moustaches at the glass over the chimney.
+
+"If it should occur as your Lordship surmises," said I, "it little
+matters who officiates on the occasion; indeed," added I, stroking my
+beard, "the barber mightn't be an inappropriate friend. But I 've been
+'out' on matters of this kind a few times, and somehow I never got
+grazed yet; and that's more than the man opposite me was able to say."
+
+"You 'll stand before a man to-morrow, sir, that can hit a Napoleon at
+twenty paces."
+
+Faith, Tom, I was nigh saying I wish he could find one for a mark about
+_me_; but I caught myself in time, and only observed,--
+
+"He must be an elegant shot."
+
+"The best in the Blues, sir; but this is beside the question. The
+difficulty is, now, about your friend. There may be some retired officer
+here,--some one who has served; if you will institute inquiry, I'll wait
+upon you this evening, and conclude our arrangements."
+
+I promised I 'd do all in my power, and bowed him out of the room
+and downstairs with every civility, which, I am bound to say, he also
+returned, and we parted on excellent terms.
+
+Now, Tom, you 'll maybe think it strange of me, with a thing of the kind
+on hand, but so it was, the moment he was off, I went to look for Mrs.
+Gore Hampton.
+
+"The lady?" cried the waiter; "she started with extra-post half an hour
+ago."
+
+"Started!" exclaimed I,--"which way?"
+
+"On the high-road to Munich."
+
+"She left no letter,--no note for me?"
+
+"No, sir."
+
+"Poor thing,--overcome, I suppose. She was crying, wasn't she?"
+
+"No, sir, she looked very much as usual, but hurried, perhaps; for she
+nearly forgot the ham sandwiches she had ordered to be got ready for
+her."
+
+"The ham sandwiches!" exclaimed I, and they nearly choked me. "I 'm
+going to be shot for a woman that, in the very extremity of her ruin,
+has the heart to order ham sandwiches!" That was the reflection that
+arose to my mind, and can you fancy a more bitter one?
+
+"Are you sure," asked I, "the sandwiches weren't for Madame Virginie, or
+the little dog?"
+
+"They might, sir, but my Lady desired us to be sure and put plenty of
+mustard on them."
+
+This was the damning circumstance, Tom. She was fond of mustard,--I had
+often remarked it; and just see, now, on what a trivial thing a man's
+happiness can hang. For I own to you, so long as I was strong in what I
+fancied to be her good graces, I could have fought the whole regiment of
+Blues; but when I thought to myself, "She doesn't care a brass farthing
+for you, Kenny Dodd; she may be laughing at you this minute over the ham
+sandwiches,"--I felt like a drowning man that had nothing to grapple
+on. Talk of unhappy and injured men, indeed! Wasn't I in that category
+myself? Not even a husband's selfishness could dispute the palm of
+misery with _me!_ In the matter of desertion we were both in the same
+boat, and for the life of me, I don't see what we could have to fight
+about. I never heard of two sailors rescued from shipwreck quarrelling
+as to who it was lost the vessel!
+
+"The best thing for us to do," thought I, "would be to try and console
+each other; and if he be a sensible, good-hearted fellow, he 'll maybe
+take the same view of it. I 'll ask him and my Lord to dinner; I'll make
+the landlord give us some of that wonderful old Stein berger that was
+bottled three hundred years ago; I 'll treat them to a regular Saxon
+dish of venison with capers washed down with Marcobrunner, and if we 're
+not brothers before morning, my name is n't Kenny Dodd."
+
+I was on "these hospitable thoughts intent," when Lord Harvey Bruce was
+again announced. He had found out an old sergeant-major of artillery,
+who for a consideration would undertake the duties of my second,--kindly
+adding that he and his family, a very large one, would also attend my
+obsequies.
+
+I interrupted his Lordship to remark that an event bad just occurred to
+modify the circumstances of the case, and mentioned Mrs. Gore Hampton's
+departure.
+
+"I really cannot perceive, sir," replied he, "that this in any way
+affects the matter in hand. Is my friend less injured--is his honor less
+tarnished because this unhappy woman has at last awoke to a sense of her
+degraded and pitiable condition?"
+
+I thought of the sandwiches, Tom, but could say nothing.
+
+"Are you less his greatest enemy on earth, sir?" cried he, passionately.
+
+"Now listen to me patiently, my Lord," said I. "I 'll be as brief as I
+can, for both our sakes. I don't value it one rush whether I go out with
+your friend or not. If you want a proof of what I say, step into the
+little garden here and I 'll give it to you. I 'm neither boasting nor
+bloodthirsty, when I say that I know how to stand at either end of a
+pistol; but there's nothing to fight about between us."
+
+"Oh, if you renew that line of argument," cried he, interrupting me, "It
+is totally impossible I can listen."
+
+"And why not?" said I. "Is it a greater satisfaction to your friend to
+believe himself injured and dishonored than to know that he is neither
+one nor the other?"
+
+"Then why did you come away with her?"
+
+"I can't tell," said I, for my head was quite confused with all the
+discussion.
+
+"And why call yourself by _my_ name at Ems?"
+
+"I cannot tell."
+
+"Nor what do you mean by the attitude in which I found you when I
+entered the room?"
+
+"I can't tell that, either," cried I, driven to desperation by sheer
+embarrassment "It's no use asking me any more. I have been living for
+the last five or six weeks like one under a spell of enchantment. I can
+no more account for my actions than a patient in Swift's Hospital. I 'm
+afraid to commit my scattered thoughts to paper, lest they might convict
+me of insanity. I know and feel that I am a responsible being, but
+somehow my notions of right and wrong are so confused, I have learned to
+look on so many things differently from what I used, that I 'd cut a
+sorry figure under cross-examination on any matter of morality. There's
+the whole truth of it now. I 'd have kept it to myself if I could; I 'm
+heartily ashamed at owning to it--but I can't help it--it would come
+out. Therefore, don't bother me with, 'Why did you do this?' 'What made
+you do that?' for I can give you no reasons for anything."
+
+"By Jove! this is a very singular affair," said he, leaning over the
+back of a chair, and staring me steadfastly in the face. "Your age--your
+standing in society--your appearance generally, Mr. Dodd, would, I feel
+bound to say, rather--" Here he hesitated and faltered, as if the right
+word was not forthcoming; and so I continued for him,--
+
+"Just so, my Lord; would rather refute than fix upon me such an
+imputation. I 'm not very like the kind of man that figures usually in
+these sort of cases."
+
+"As to _that_," said he, cautiously, "there is no saying. I am now only
+speaking my own private sentiments, the result of impressions made upon
+myself as an individual. Courts of Law take their own views of these
+things; and the House of Lords has also its own way of regarding them."
+
+The words threw me into a cold perspiration from head to foot, Tom!
+Courts of Law! and the House of Lords! was n't that a pretty prospect
+for an encumbered Irish gentleman? A shot, or even two, at twelve or
+fourteen paces, cannot be a very expensive thing, in a pecuniary point,
+to any man, and there 's an awkwardness in declining it if others are
+anxious to have it, so that you appear ungracious and disobliging. But
+Westminster Hall and St. Stephen's, Tom, is mighty different. I won't
+speak of the disgrace that attends such a proceeding at my time of life,
+nor the hue-and-cry that the Press sets up at you, and follows you with
+to your own hearth,--"the place from whence you came," and where now
+your wife waits for you--to perform the last sentence of the law. I
+won't allude to "Punch" and the "Illustrated News," that live upon
+you for three weeks; but I 'll just take the thing in its simplest
+form,--financially. Why, racing, railroads, contested elections, are
+nothing to it. You go to work exactly as Cobden says France and England
+do with their armaments: Chatham launches a seventy-four, and out comes
+Cherbourg with a line-of-battle ship,--"Injured Husband," secures Sir
+Fitzroy Kelly; "Heartless Seducer," sends his brief to Cock-burn. It's a
+game of brag from that moment; and there's as much scheming and plotting
+to get a hold of Frank Murphy as if he was the knave of spades! It
+matters little or nothing what the upshot of the case may be; you may
+sink the enemy, or be compelled to strike your own flag; it does n't
+signify, in the least; the damages of the action are fatal to you.
+
+Now, Tom, although I never speculated in all my life as to figuring in
+an affair like this, these considerations were often strongly impressed
+upon me by reading the newspapers, and I bad come to the conclusion that
+a man should never think of defending an action of this kind, no more
+than he would a petition against his election, and for the same reason.
+Since, although not actually guilty in the one case or the other, you
+are certain to have committed so many indiscretions,--written, maybe, so
+many ridiculous letters,--and, in fact, exposed yourself so much, that
+if you cannot keep out of sight altogether, the next best thing is, let
+the judgment go by default. I say this to show you that the moment
+my Lord threw out the hint about law I had made up my mind from that
+instant.
+
+"I sincerely wish," said he, after some deliberation, "that I could hit
+upon any mode of arranging this affair; for although I own you have made
+a strongly favorable impression upon me, 'Dodd,'"--he called me Dodd
+here, quite like an old friend,--"we cannot expect that Hampton could
+concur in this view. The fact is, the whole thing has got so much blazed
+abroad,--they are so well known in the fashionable world, both home and
+foreign,--she is so very handsome, so much admired, and he is such
+a charming fellow,--the case has created a kind of European _éclat_.
+Looking at the matter candidly, there may be a good deal in what you
+have said, but as a man of the world, I am forced to say that Hampton
+must shoot you, or sue for a divorce. I am well aware that whichever
+course he adopts many will condemn him. In the clubs there will be
+always parties. There may spring up even a kind of _juste milieu_,
+who will say, 'Now that poor Dodd is dead, I wonder if he really _was_
+guilty?'"
+
+"I protest I feel very grateful to them, my Lord," said I. But he paid
+no attention to my remark, and went on,--
+
+"If vengeance be all that a man looks for, probably the law of the
+land will do as much for him as the law of honor. You ruin a fellow,
+irretrievably ruin him, by an action of this kind. You probably remember
+Sir Gaybrook Foster, that ran off with Lady Mudford? Well, he had a
+splendid estate, did n't owe a shilling, they said, before that; they
+tell me now that some one saw him the other day at Geelong, croupier
+to a small 'hell.' Then there was Lackington, whom we used to call the
+'Cool of the Evening.'"
+
+"I never knew one of them, my Lord," said I, impatiently, for I did n't
+care to hear all the illustrations of his theory.
+
+"Lackington was older than you are," continued he, "when he bolted with
+that city man's wife,--what's his confounded name?"
+
+"I am shamefully ill-read, my Lord, in this kind of literature," said
+I, "nor has it the same interest for me that it seems to afford your
+Lordship. May I take the liberty of recalling your attention to the
+matter before us?"
+
+"I am giving to it, sir," said he, gravely, "my best and most careful
+consideration. I am endeavoring, by the aid of such information as is
+before me, to weigh the difficulties that attach to either course,
+and to decide for that one which shall secure to my friend Hampton the
+largest share of the world's sympathy and approval. I have seen a
+great deal of life, and all that I know of it teaches the one
+lesson,--distrust, rather than yield to, first impressions. Awhile ago,
+when I entered this room, I would have said to Hampton, 'Shoot him like
+a dog, sir.' Now, I own to you, Dodd, this is not the counsel I should
+give him. Now, understand me well, I neither acquit nor condemn you;
+circumstances are far too strong against you for the one, and I have not
+the heart to do the other."
+
+"This talking is dry work, my Lord," said I. "Shall we have a glass of
+wine?"
+
+"Willingly," said he, seating himself, and throwing his gloves into his
+hat, with the air of a man quite disposed to take his ease comfortably.
+
+Our host produced a flask of his inimitable Steinberger, and another
+of a native growth, to which he invited our attention, and left us to
+ourselves once more. We filled, touched our glasses, German fashion,
+drank, and resumed our converse.
+
+"If any man could have told me, twenty-four hours ago, that I should be
+sitting where I now find myself, and with _you_ for my companion, I'd
+have told him to his face he was a calumniator and a scoundrel! This
+time yesterday, Dodd, I 'd have put a bullet through you, myself."
+
+"You don't say that, my Lord?"
+
+"I do say, and repeat it, I believed you to be the greatest villain the
+universe contained. I thought you a monster of the foulest depravity."
+
+"Well, I 'm delighted to have undeceived you, my Lord."
+
+"You _have_ undeceived me!--I own to it. I believe, if I know anything,
+it is human nature. I have not been a deep student in other things, but
+in the heart of man I have read deeply. I know your whole history
+in this affair as well as if I was present at the events. You never
+intended seduction here."
+
+"Nothing of the kind, my Lord,--never dreamed of it!"
+
+"I know it; I know it. She got an influence over you,--she fascinated
+you,--she held you captive, Dodd. She mingled in your thoughts,--she
+became part of all your most secret cogitations. With that warm,
+impulsive nature of your country, you made no resistance,--you could
+make none. You fell into the net at once,--don't deny it I like you the
+better for it,--upon my life I do. Don't suppose that I 'm Archbishop of
+Canterbury or Dean of Durham, man."
+
+"I don't suspect, in the least," said I.
+
+"I'm no humbug of that kind," said be, resolutely. "I'm a man of the
+world, that just takes life as he finds it, and neither fancies that
+human nature is one jot better or worse than it is. Hampton goes and
+marries a girl of sixteen; she is very beautiful and very rich. What of
+that? She leaves him--and what becomes of the wealth and beauty? She is
+ruined,--utterly ruined! He has his action at law, and gets swingeing
+damages, of course. What's the use of that? Will twenty thousand--will
+forty--would a hundred thousand pounds serve to compensate him for a
+lost position in life, and the affection of that charming creature? You
+know it would not, sir. Don't affect hesitation nor doubt about it You
+know it would not."
+
+"That was n't what I was thinking of at all, my Lord. I was only
+speculating on the mighty small chance your friend would have of the
+money."
+
+"Do you mean to say, sir, that the jury would n't give it?"
+
+"Theory might, but Kenny Dodd wouldn't," said I.
+
+"The Queen's Bench, sir, or the Court of Exchequer, would take care
+of that. They 'd issue a 'Mandamus,'--the strongest weapon of our law;
+they'd sell to the last stick of your property; they'd take your wife's
+jewels,--the coat off your back--"
+
+"As to the jewels of Mrs. D.," says I, "and my own wardrobe, I 'm afraid
+they 'd not go far towards the liquidation."
+
+"They'd attach every acre of your estate."
+
+"Much good it would do them," said I. "We're in the Encumbered Court
+already."
+
+"Whatever your income may be derived from, they 're sure to discover
+it."
+
+"Faith!" said I, "I 'd be grateful to them for the information, for it's
+two months now since I beard from Tom Purcell, and I don't know where
+I'm to get a shilling!"
+
+"But what are damages, after all!" said he; "nothing, absolutely
+nothing!"
+
+"Nothing indeed!" said I.
+
+"And look at the misery through which a man most wade ere be attain to
+them. A public trial, a rule to show cause, a motion,--three or four
+thousand gone for that. The case heard at Westminster Hall,--forty-seven
+witnesses brought over special from different parts of the Continent, at
+from two guineas to ten per diem, and travelling expenses,--what money
+could stand it; and see what it comes to: you ruin some poor devil
+without benefiting yourself. That 's the folly of it! Believe me,
+Dodd, the only people that get any enjoyment out of these cases are the
+lawyers!"
+
+"I can believe it well, my Lord."
+
+"I know it,--I know it, sir," said he, fiercely. "I have already told
+you that I 'm no humbug. I don't want to pretend to any nonsense about
+virtue, and all that. I was once in my life--I was young, it is true--in
+the same predicament you now stand in. It won't do to speak of the
+parties, but I suspect our cases were very similar. The friend who
+acted for the husband happened to be one who knew all my family and
+connections. He came frankly to me, and said,--
+
+"'Bruce, this affair will come to a trial,--the damages will be laid at
+ten thousand,--the costs will be about three more. Can you meet that?'
+
+"'No,' said I, 'I 'm a younger son,--I 've got my commission in the
+Guards, and eight thousand in the "Three-and-a-Half's" to live on, so
+that I can't.'
+
+"'What _can_ you pay?' said he.
+
+"'I can stand two thousand,' said I, boldly.
+
+"'Say three,' said he,--'say three.'
+
+"And I said, 'Three be it,' and the affair was settled--an exposure
+escaped--a reputation rescued--and a clear saving of something like ten
+thousand pounds; and this just because we chanced both of us to be 'men
+of the world.' For look at the thing calmly; how should any of us have
+been bettered by a three days' publicity at Nisi Prius,--one's little
+tendernesses ridiculed by Thesiger, and their soft speeches slanged by
+Serjeant Wilkins. Turn it over in your mind how you may, and the same
+conclusion always meets you. The husband, it is true, gets less money;
+but then he has no obloquy. The wife escapes exposure; and the 'other
+party' is only mulct to one-fourth of his liability, and at the same
+time is exempt from all the ruffianism of the long robe! A vulgarly
+minded fellow might have said, 'What's the woman's reputation to _me?_
+I'll defend the action,--I'll prove this, that, and t'other. I'll engage
+the first counsel at the bar, and fight the battle out. I don't care a
+jot about being blackguarded before a jury, lampooned in the papers, and
+caricatured in the windows,' he might say; 'what signifies to _me_ what
+character I hold before the world,--I have neither sons nor daughters
+to suffer from my disgrace.' I know that all these and similar reasons
+might prompt a man of a certain stamp to regret this course, and say,
+'Be it so. Let there be a trial!' But neither _you_ nor _I_ Dodd, could
+see the matter in this light. There is this peculiarity about a man
+of the world, that not alone he sees rightly, but he sees quickly; he
+judges passing events with a kind of instinctive appreciation of what
+will be the tone of society generally, and he says to himself, 'There
+are doubtless elements in this question that I would wish otherwise.
+I would, perhaps, say _this_ is not exactly to my taste; I don't like
+_that_;' but whoever yet found that he broke his leg exactly in the
+right place? What man ever discovered that the toothache ever attacked
+the very tooth he wanted! I take it, Dodd, that you are a man who has
+seen a good deal of life; now did your heart ever bound with delight
+on seeing the outside of a bill of costs? or on hearing the well-known
+knock of a better known dun at your hall door? True philosophy consists
+in diminishing, so far as may be, the inevitable ills of life. Don't you
+agree with me?"
+
+"With the general proposition I do, my Lord; the question here is, how
+far the present case may be considered as coming within your theory.
+Suppose now, just for argument's sake, I was to observe that there
+was no similarity between our situations; that while _you_ openly avow
+culpability, _I_ as distinctly deny it."
+
+"You prefer to die innocent, Dodd?" said he, puffing his cigar coolly as
+he spoke.
+
+"I prefer, my Lord, to maintain the vantage ground that I feel under my
+feet. Had you been patient enough to hear me out, I could have explained
+to your perfect satisfaction how I came here, and why. I could have
+shown you a reason for everything that may possibly seem strange or
+mysterious--"
+
+"As, for instance, the assumption of a name and title that did not
+belong to you,--a fortnight's close seclusion to avoid discovery,--the
+sudden departure for Ems, and headlong haste of your journey here,--and,
+finally, the attitude of more than persuasive eloquence in which I
+myself saw you. Of course, to a man of an ingenious and inventive turn,
+all these things are capable of at least some approach to explanation.
+Lawyers do the thing every day,--some, with tears in their eyes, with
+very affecting appeals to Heaven, according to the sums marked on the
+outside of the briefs. If your case had been one of murder, I could have
+got you a very clever fellow who would have invoked divine vengeance on
+his own head in open court if he were not in heart and soul assured of
+your spotless innocence! But now please to bear in mind that we are not
+in Westminster Hall. We are here talking frankly and honestly, man to
+man,--sophistry and special pleading avail nothing; and here I candidly
+tell you, that, turn the matter how you will, the advice I have given
+is the only feasible and practicable mode of escaping from this
+difficulty."
+
+If you think me prolix, my dear Purcell, in narrating so
+circumstantially every part of this curious interview, just remember
+that I am naturally anxious to bring to bear upon _your_ mind the force
+of argument to which _mine_ at last yielded. It is very possible I may
+not be able to present these reasonings with all the strength and vigor
+with which they appealed to myself. I may--like a man who plays chess
+with himself--favor one side a little more than the other, or it is
+possible that I may seem weaker in my self-defence than I ought to have
+been. However you interpret my conduct on this trying occasion, give me
+the benefit of never having for a moment forgotten the fame and fortune
+of that lovely creature whose fate was in my hands, and whom I have
+rescued at a heavy price.
+
+I do not wish to impose upon you the wearisome task of reading all that
+passed between my Lord and myself. The whole correspondence would fill
+a blue book, and be about as amusing as such folios usually are. I 'll
+spare you, therefore, the steps of the negotiation, and merely give you
+the heads of the treaty:--
+
+"Firstly, Mr. G. H., by reason and in virtue of certain compensations
+to be hereafter stated, binds himself to consider Mrs. G. H. in all
+respects as before her meeting K. I. D., regarding her with the same
+feelings of esteem, love, and affection as before that event, and
+treating her with the same 'distinguished consideration.'
+
+"Secondly, K. I. D., on his part, agrees to give acceptances for two
+thousand pounds sterling, with interest at the rate of five per cent
+per annum on same till the time of payment. The dates to be at the
+convenience of K. I. D., always provided that the entire payment be
+completed within the term of five years from the present day.
+
+"Thirdly, K. I. D. pledges his word of honor never to dispute or contest
+his liability to the above debt, by any unworthy subterfuge, such as 'no
+value,' 'intimidation used,' or any like artifice, legal or otherwise,
+but accepts these conditions in all the frankness of a gentleman."
+
+Here follow the signatures and seals of the high contracting parties,
+with those of a host of witnesses on both sides. Brief as the articles
+read, they occupied several days in the discussion of them, during which
+Hampton retired to a village in the neighborhood, it not being deemed
+"etiquette" for us to inhabit the same town until the terms of a treaty
+had laid down our respective positions. These were my Lord's ideas,
+and you can infer from them the punctilious character of the
+whole negotiation. Lord Harvey dined and supped with me every day,
+breakfasting at Schweinstock with his principal. I thought, indeed, when
+all was finally settled, between us, that G. H. and I might have met and
+dined together as friends; but my Lord negatived the notion strongly.
+"Come, come, Dodd, you must n't be too hard upon poor Gore; it is not
+generous." And although, Tom, I cannot see the force of the observation,
+I felt bound to yield to it, rather than appear in any invidious or
+unamiable light. I, consequently, never met him during his stay in the
+neighborhood.
+
+Lord Harvey left this, about ten days ago, for Dresden. We parted the
+very best of friends, for with all his zeal for G. H., I must say that
+he behaved handsomely to me throughout; and in the matter of the bills,
+he at once yielded to my making the first for £500, at nine months,
+though he assured me it would be a great convenience to his friend if I
+could have said "six." I should have quitted this to join the family on
+the same day; but when I came to pay the hotel bill, I found that the
+dinners and champagne during the week of diplomacy had not left me five
+dollars remaining, so that I have been detained by sheer necessity;
+and partly by my own will, and partly by my host's sense of caution, my
+daily life has been gradually despoiled of its little enjoyments, till
+I find myself in the narrow circumstances of which this letter makes
+mention at the opening.
+
+From beginning to end, it would be difficult to imagine a more unlucky
+incident; nor do I believe that any man ever got less for two thousand
+pounds since the world began. You cannot say a severe thing to me that I
+have not said to myself; you cannot appeal to my age and my habits with
+a more sneering insolence than I am daily in the habit of doing; your
+very bitterest vituperations would be mild in comparison to one of my
+own soliloquies, so that, as a matter of _surplusage,_ spare me all
+abuse, and rather devote your loose ingenuities to assisting me out of
+my great embarrassments.
+
+I know well, that if we don't discover a gold-mine at Dodsborough, or
+fall upon a coal-shaft near Bruff, that I have no possible prospect to
+pay these bills; but as the first of them is nine months off, there
+is no such pressing emergency. The immediate necessity is, to send me
+enough to leave this place, and join Mrs. D. and the family. Write
+to me, therefore, at once, with a remittance, and mention where they
+are,--if still at Bonn, where I left them.
+
+You had also better write to Mrs. D.; in what strain, and to what
+purport, I must leave to your own ingenuity. As for myself, I know no
+more how to meet her, nor what mood to assume, than if I wore about to
+enter the cage of one of Van Amburgh's lions. Now I fancy that maybe a
+contrite, broken-hearted look would be best; and now I rather lean to
+the bold, courageous, overbearing tone! Heaven direct me to what is
+best, for I never felt myself so much in want of guidance!
+
+When you write to me, be brief; don't worry me with details of home, and
+inflict me with one of your national epistles about famine, and fever,
+and faction fights. I have no pity for anybody but myself just now, and
+I care no more for what's doing in Tipperary than if it was Canton. It
+will be time enough when I join the others to speculate upon whither
+we shall turn our steps, but my present thoughts tend to going back to
+Dodsborough. I wish from my soul that we had never left it, nor
+embarked in this infernal crusade after high society, education, and
+grandeur,--the vain pursuit of which leaves me to write myself, as I now
+do, your most miserable and melancholy friend,
+
+Kenny Dodd.
+
+P. S. I have a gold watch, made by Gaskin of Dublin about fifty years
+back; but it's so big and unwieldy that nobody would buy it, except for
+a town clock. The case of it alone would n't make a bad-sized covered
+dish, and I 'm sure the works are as strong as a French steam-engine;
+but what's the use of it all if I can't find a purchaser? I have already
+parted with my tortoiseshell snuff-box, that my grandmother swore
+belonged to Quintus Curtius; and the only family relic remaining to
+me is a bamboo sword-cane, the being possessed of which, if it became
+known, would subject me to three months' imprisonment in a fortress,
+with hard labor! If I were in Austria, the penalty is death; and maybe
+that same would be a mercy in my misfortunes.
+
+The only walk where I don't meet my duns is down by a canal,--a lonely
+path, with dwarf willows along it. I almost think I 'd have jumped in
+yesterday, if it was n't for the bull-frogs,--the noise they made drove
+me away from the place. Depend upon it, Tom, the Humane Society ought to
+get the breed for the Serpentine. It's only a most "determined suicide"
+could venture into their company! The chorus in "Robert le Diable" is a
+love ditty compared to them!
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXVI. MRS. DODD TO MR. PURCELL, OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+
+BADEN-BADEN.
+
+Dear Mr. Purcell,--Your letter is now before me, and if I did n't know
+the mark of your hand before, I 'd scarce believe the sentiments was
+yours. It well becomes you, one that but _one_ woman would ever accept
+of, to lecture the likes of me on the way I ought to treat my husband. A
+stingy old creature that sits croaking over an extra sod of turf on the
+fire, and counts out the potatoes to the kitchen, is not exactly the
+kind of authority to dictate laws to the respectable head of a family!
+I often suspected the nature of the advice you gave K. I., but I did n't
+think you 'd have the hardihood to come out with it _yourself_, and to
+_me!_ How much you must have forgotten both of us, it's mighty clear!
+
+Where did you get all the elegant expressions about K. I.'s "unavoidably
+prolonged absence," "the sacrifices exacted from friendship," "the
+generous ardor of a chivalrous nature," and the other fine balderdash
+you bestow upon your friend's disgraceful behavior? Do you know what you
+are talking about? Have you a notion about the affair at all? Answer me
+that. Are you aware that he is now two months and four days away without
+as much as a letter, except a bit of an impertinent note, once, to ask
+are we alive or dead, not a sixpence in cash, not a check, nor even a
+bill that we might try to get protested, or whatever they call it? I
+don't make any illusions to why he went, and what he went for. I would
+n't disgrace my pen with the subject, nor myself by noticing it; but,
+except yourself, in the brown wig and the black satin small clothes, I
+don't know one less suited to perform the "Lutherian." You are a nice
+pair, and I expect nothing less than to hear of yourself next! And
+you have the impudence to tell me that these are some of the "innocent
+freedoms of Continental life"! What do you know about them, I 'd beg to
+ask,--_you_, that never was nearer the Continent than Malahide? As to
+the innocent freedoms of the Continent, there's nobody can teach me
+anything; I see them before me in the day when I drive out, at the
+_table d'hôte_ where I dine, and at every ball where they dance. Sweet
+innocence it is, indeed! and particularly when practised by the father
+of a grown-up family,--fifty-seven, he says, in June, but more likely
+sixty odd, for I know many of his co-trumperies, and nice young
+gentlemen they are too!
+
+You assure me that you sympathize sincerely with K. I. I 've no
+objection to that; he 'll need all the comfort it can give him when he
+comes home again, or I 'm much mistaken. With the help of the saints, I
+'ll teach him the differ between going off with a lady and living with
+his lawful wife. If he didn't know the distinction before, he shall now!
+And then you think to terrify me about the state of his health. It won't
+do, Mr. Tom Purcell. He 'll live to disgrace us this many a year. I
+know well what his constitution can bear, and what he calls the gout
+is neither more nor less than the outbreaks of his violent and furious
+temper! Never flatter yourself, therefore, that you can make any of us
+uneasy on that score; and if he comes back on a litter, it won't save
+him.
+
+Your "sincere regrets that we ever came abroad" are very elegantly
+expressed, and require all my acknowledgments. Is n't there anything
+else you are sorry for? Is n't it grief to you that we never caught the
+smallpox, or that James was n't transported for forgery? We ought to
+have stayed at Bruff; and, judging from the charms of your style, I have
+no doubt that we might have derived great benefit from your vicinity.
+
+You are eloquent, too, about expense; and add that you always believed
+that there was no economy in living abroad. Perhaps not, sir, if one
+unites foreign vices with home ones; but I beg to say, when we
+left Dodsborough, I, for one, never contemplated the cost of _two_
+establishments,--take that, Mr. Tom Purcell!
+
+I wonder at myself how I keep my temper, and condescend to argue with
+you about points on which an old bachelor, or widower (for it's the
+same), must necessarily be ignorant. Don't you perceive that for you to
+discourse on family matters is like a deaf man describing music?
+
+And you wind up about the privileges of old friendship, and so on! It's
+a new notion of friendship that makes a man impudent! Where did you ever
+hear that knowing people a long time was a reason for insulting them?
+As to your kind inquiries for the girls, I 'd have liked them as well if
+not coupled with those "natural fears" for the consequences of foreign
+contamination. Mary Anne and myself got a hearty laugh out of your
+terrors; and so I forgive your mention of them.
+
+James is quite well; and would, he says, be better, if that remittance
+you spoke of had arrived.
+
+You tell me that the McCarthy legacy is paid, and the money lodged at
+Latouche's. But what's the use of that? It's here I want it. Find out a
+safe hand, if you can, and send it over to me; for I 'm resolved to have
+nothing to do with bills as long as I live.
+
+And now I believe I have gone through the principal matters in your
+last, and I hope given you my ideas as clearly as your own. It may save
+you some time and stationery if I say that my mind is made up about
+K.I.; and if it was Queen Victoria was interceding for him, I'd not
+alter my sentiments. It's no use appealing "to the goodness of my heart,
+and the feminine sweetness of my nature;" all that you say on that head
+is only a warning to me not to let my weaknesses get the upper hand of
+me: a lesson I will endeavor to profit by, so long as I write myself,
+
+Your very obedient to command,
+
+Jemima Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXVII. MRS. DODD TO MRS. MARY GALLAGHER, HOUSEKEEPER, DODSBOROUGH
+
+Dear Molly,--I send you herewith a letter for Tom Pur-cell, which you
+'ll take care to deliver with your own hands. If you are by when he
+reads it, you 'll maybe perceive that it's not the "compliments of the
+season" I was sending him. He says he likes plain speaking, and I trust
+he is satisfied now.
+
+You are already aware of the barbarous manner K. I. has behaved. I 've
+told you how he deserted me and the family, and the disgrace that he has
+brought down upon us in the face of Europe; for I must observe to you,
+Molly, that whatever is talked of here goes flying over the whole world,
+and is the common talk of every Court on the Continent. I could fill
+chapters if I was to describe his wickedness and inhumanity. Well, my
+dear, what do you think! but in the face of all this Mr. Tom Purcell
+takes the opportunity to read me a long lecture on my "congenial"
+duties, and to instruct me in what manner I am to treat K. I. on his
+return.
+
+Considering what he knows of my character, Molly, I almost suspect that
+he might have spared himself this trouble. Did he, or did any one else,
+ever see me posed by a difficulty? When did any event take me unawares?
+Am I by nature one of those terrified creatures that get flurried
+by misfortune; or am I, by the blessing of Providence, gifted in a
+remarkable manner with great powers of judgment, matured by a deep
+knowledge of life, and a thorough acquaintance with the wickedness of
+the human heart? That's the whole question,--which am I? Is it after
+twenty-six years' studying his disposition and pondering over all his
+badness, that any one can come and teach me how to manage him? I know K.
+I. as I know my old slipper; and, indeed, one is worth about as much as
+the other! I have n't the patience--it would be too much to expect from
+any one--to tell you how beautifully Mister Tom discourses to me about
+the innocent freedoms of the Continent, and the harmless fragilities of
+female life abroad! Does the old sinner believe in his heart that black
+is white abroad? and would he have me think that what's murder in Bruff
+was only a justifiable hom'-a-side at Brussels? If he doesn't meau that,
+what does he mean? Maybe, to be sure, he 's one of the fashionable set
+that make out that the husband is always driven to some kind of vice or
+other by his wife's conduct! For, I must remark to you, Molly, there
+'s a set of people now in the world--they call themselves "The Peace
+Congress," I think--that say there must be no more wars, no fighting,
+domestically or nationally!
+
+Their notion is this: everybody is right, and nobody need quarrel
+with his neighbor, but settle any trifling disagreement by means of
+arbitration. Mister Tom is, perhaps, an arbitrator. Well, I hope he
+likes the office! Since I knew anything of life myself, I always found
+that if there was three people mixed up in a shindy there was no hope of
+settling it, on any terms.
+
+He says, K. I. is coming home. Let him come, says I. Let him surrender
+himself, Molly, and justice will take its course. That's all the
+satisfaction I 'll give either of them.
+
+"Don't be vindictive," says Mister Tom. Isn't that pretty language to
+use to me, I ask? Is the Chief Justice "vindictive," Molly, when he
+says, "Stand forward, and hear your sentence"? Is he behaving "unlike a
+Christian" when he says, "Use the little time that's left you in making
+your peace"?
+
+The old creature then goes on to quote Scripture to me, and talks about
+the prodigal son. "Very well," says I, "be it so. K. I. may be that if
+he likes, but I 'll not be the fatted calf,--that's all!" The fact is,
+Molly, I'm immutable as the Maids and Prussians. They may talk till they
+'re black in the face, but I 'll never forgive him!
+
+Would n't it be a nice example, I ask, to the girls, if I was to
+overlook K. I.'s conduct, and call it a "venal" offence? And this, too,
+when the eyes of all Europe is staring at us. "How will Mrs. D. take
+it?" says the Prince of this. "What will Mrs. D. say to him?" says the
+Duke of that "Does _she_ know it yet?" asks the Archduke of Moravia.
+That's the way they go on from morning till night; so that, in fact,
+Molly,--as Lord George observes,--"he is less of a private culprit than
+a great public malefactor."
+
+There's the way I am forced to look on the case; and think more of the
+good of society than of my family feelings.
+
+Such are my sentiments, Molly, after giving to the case a most patient
+and careful consideration; and it's little good in Tom Purcell's trying
+to oppose and obstruct me.
+
+If it were not for this unhappy event, I must own to you, Molly, that we
+never enjoyed ourselves anywhere more than we do here. It's a scene of
+pleasure and gayety all day,--and, indeed, all nightlong; and nothing
+but the anticipation of K. I. 's return could damp the ardor of our
+happiness. However it's managed, I can't tell; but the most elegant
+balls and entertainments are given here free and for nothing! Who keep
+up the rooms, pays for the lighting, the servants, and the refreshments,
+is more than I can say. All I know is, that your humble servant never
+contributed a sixpence to one of them. Lord George says that the Grand
+Duke is never happy except when the place is crammed; and that he 'd
+spend his last shilling rather than not see people amuse themselves.
+And there's a Frenchman, too,--a Mr. Begasset, or Benasset, or something
+like that,--who is so wild about amusement that he goes to any expense
+about the place, and even keeps a pack of hounds for the public.
+
+Contrast this, my dear Molly, with one of our little miserable
+subscription balls at home, where Dan Cassidy, the dancing-master, is
+driving about the country, for maybe three weeks, in his old gig, before
+he can scrape together a matter of six or seven pounds, to pay for
+mutton lights, two fiddles, and a dulcimer; and, after all, it's
+perhaps over the Bridewell we 'd be dancing, and the shouts of the dirty
+creatures below would be coming up at every pause of the music. Now,
+here, it's like a royal palace,--elegant lustres, with two hundred
+wax-lights in each of them,--a floor like glass. Ask Mary Anne if it
+isn't as slippery! The dress of the company actually magnificent! none
+of your little shabby-colored muslins, or Limerick lace; none of your
+gauze petticoats, worn over glazed calico, to look like satin, but
+everything real, Molly,--the lace, the silk, the satin, the jewels, the
+gold trimmings, the feathers,--all the best of the kind, and fresh as
+they came out of the shop. You don't see the white satin shoes with the
+mark of a man's foot on them, nor the satin body with four fingers and
+a thumb on the back of it, as you would at a Patrick's Ball in Dublin!
+Everything is new for each night.
+
+How Mary Anne laughs at the Irish notions of dress, of what they call in
+the "Evening Post," "a beautiful lama petticoat over a white satin slip!"
+or "a train of elegant figured tabinet." Why, Molly darling, you might
+as well wear a mackintosh, or go out in a suit of glazed alpaca
+cloth. Mary Anne says that the ball at the Castle of Dublin is like a
+tournament, where all the company dance in armor; and, indeed, when
+I think of the rattling of bead bracelets, false pearls, and Berlin
+necklaces, it rather reminds me of a hornpipe in fetters!
+
+I must confess to you, Molly, there 's nothing as low anywhere as
+Dublin, and latterly, when anybody asks Mary Anne or me if it's
+pleasant, we always say with a strong English accent, "Our military
+friends say, vastly, but we really don't know ourselves." Is n't that a
+pretty pass to be reduced to? But I 'm told that all the Irish, of any
+distinction, are obliged to do the same, and never confess to have seen
+more of Ireland than one does from the Welsh mountains. It's no want of
+patriotism makes me say this. I wish, with all my heart, that Ireland
+was a perfect paradise; and it's no fault of mine that Providence
+intended otherwise.
+
+If I was n't writing with my head so full of Tom Purcell and his late
+impudence, I 'd have plenty to tell you about the girls and James. Mary
+Anne is more admired than any girl here, and so would Cary, if she 'd
+only let herself be so; but she has got a short, snubby, tart kind of
+way with people, that never goes down abroad, where, as Lord G. says,
+"every cat plays with his claws covered."
+
+And as to Lord George himself, I wonder is it Mary Anne or Cary that
+he's after. I watch him day by day, and can make nothing of it; but sure
+and certain it is he means one of the two, and that is the reason why he
+left this suddenly the other morning for England, and saying,--
+
+"There 's no use letter-writing; I'll just dash over and have a talk
+with my governor."
+
+I would n't ask him about what, but I saw the way the girls looked down
+when he spoke, and that was enough to show me in what quarter the wind
+was blowing.
+
+I wish from my heart and soul the proposal would come before K. I. came
+back. I 'd like to have to show the superior way I have always managed
+the family affairs; for I need n't tell you, Molly, that _he_ never had
+an eye to the peerage for one of his daughters! but if he returns before
+it's settled, he 'll say that he had his share in it all! As to James,
+he is everything that a fond and doting mother could wish. Six feet two
+and a half,--he grew the half since he came here,--with dark eyes, and a
+pair of whiskers and moustaches that there's not the like here, dressed
+in the very top of the fashion, with opal and diamond studs to his shirt
+and waistcoat, and a black velvet paletot with turquoise buttons for
+evening wear. The whole room turns to look at him wherever he goes, for
+he walks along just for all the world as if he owned the place. You may
+suppose, my dear Molly, how little he resembles K. I.; and, indeed, I
+have heard many make the same remark when we were at Bonn.
+
+I made Mary Anne write me down a list of the great people here who have
+all called on us; but what 's the use of sending it, after all? You
+could n't pronounce them if they were before you! I send you, however, a
+bit I cut out of "Galignani's Messenger," where you 'll see that we are
+put down amongst the distinguished visitors as "Madame M'Carthy Dodd,
+family and suite!" James still thinks if K. I. would call himself
+"The O'Dodd," it would serve us greatly; and Mary Anne agrees with the
+opinion; and perhaps now, when he comes back under a cloud, as one may
+say, it may not be so difficult to make him give in. As James remarks,
+"Print it on your card, call out and shoot the first fellow that
+addresses you as Mr.--make it no laughing matter for anybody, before
+your face at least,--and the thing is done." Maybe we 'll live to see
+this yet, Molly, but I fear it won't be till Providence sends for K. I.
+
+I spoke rather sharply to Waters in my last; and I find now that the
+legacy is paid into Latouche's. Will you remind Purcell that to be of
+any use to me the money ought to be here? As to the Loan Fund, I wonder
+how you have the face to ask me for anything, knowing the way I 'm in
+for ready cash, and that I 'd rather borrow than lend any day. Tell
+Peter Belton, also, that I stop my subscription after this year to the
+Dispensary; and I am quite sure the old system of physic is nothing but
+legalized poisoning. Looking to the facilities of the country, and the
+natural habits of the people, I 'm convinced, Molly, that the water-cure
+is what you want in Ireland; and I 've half a mind to write a letter to
+one of the papers about it. Cheapness is the first requisite in a poor
+country; and any one can vouch for it, water is n't a dear commodity
+with you.
+
+Father Maher's remarks upon poor Jones M'Carthy is, I must say, very
+unfeeling; and I don't coincide with the conclusions he draws from them;
+for if he was half as bad as he says, masses will do him little good;
+and for a few thousand years, more or less, I can't afford to pay
+fifty pounds! Ask him, besides, is it reasonable that when the price of
+everything is falling, with Free-trade, that the old tariff of Purgatory
+is to be kept up still? That would be downright absurd! Priests, my dear
+Molly, must lower their rates, as the Protectionists do their rents:
+that's "one of the demands of the age, and can't be resisted." As
+Lord George says, "The Church, like the railroad people, fell into the
+mistake of lavish expenditure! Purgatory was like a station, and ought
+never to be made too costly. No one wants to live there: the most one
+requires is to be decently comfortable, till you can 'go on.' What's the
+use of fine furniture, elegant chairs and carpets? they 're clean thrown
+away in such a place." If Father Maher thinks that the remarks are not
+uttered in a respectful spirit, tell him he's wrong; for Lord G. and
+all his family are great Whigs, and intend to do more mischief to the
+Established Church than any party that ever was in power; and I
+must say, I never heard Father Maher abuse Protestants, bigotry, and
+intolerance more bitterly than Lord G. It is so seldom that one ever
+hears really liberal sentiments, or anything like justice to Ireland,
+I could listen to him for hours when he begins. If I 'm right in my
+conjecture about the object of his journey to London, it will be the
+making of James; since, once that we are connected with the aristocracy,
+Molly, there's nothing we cannot have; for, you see, the way is this:
+if you belong to the middle classes, they expect that you ought to have
+some kind of fitness for the occupation you look for; and they say,
+"This would n't suit you at all;" "That's not your line, in the least;"
+but when you are one of the "higher orders," there's, so to say, a
+general adaptiveness about you, and you can do anything they put before
+you, from ranging Windsor Forest to keeping a lighthouse! When one
+reflects upon that, it's no wonder that one of our great poets says,
+"Oh, bless," or "preserve"--I forget which--"our old nobility!"
+
+Go into any of the great public offices--the Foreign or the Colonial,
+for instance--and they tell me that such a set of incapable-looking
+creatures never was seen, with spy-glasses stuck in their eyes,
+airing themselves before a big fire, and reading the "Times;" and yet,
+Molly,--confess it we must,--the work is done somehow and by somebody.
+It reminds me of a paper-mill I once saw; and no matter how dirty and
+squalid the rags that went in, they came out "Beautiful fine wove," or
+"Bath extra."
+
+As to the questions in your last, I can't answer a tithe of them. You go
+on, letter after letter, with the same tiresome demand,--"Are we as much
+in love with the Continent as we were? Is it so cheap? Is the climate as
+fine as they say? Is there never any rain or wind at all? Is everybody
+polite and agreeable? Is there no such thing as backbiting or
+slandering? Are all the men handsome and brave, and all the women
+beautiful and virtuous?" This is but a specimen taken at random out
+of your late inquiries; and I 'd like to know that if even you gave me
+"notice of a question," as they do in the House, how could I satisfy
+you on these points? The most I can do is to say that there may be some
+slight exaggeration in one or two of these,--the rain, for instance, and
+the virtue,--but that, generally speaking, the rest is all true. I
+can be more explicit in regard to what you ask in your last
+postscript,--"After living so long abroad, can we ever come back to
+reside in Ireland?" Never, Molly, never! I make neither reserve nor
+qualification in my answer. _That_ would be clearly impossible! for it's
+not only that Ireland would be insupportable to us, but, as Mary Anne
+remarks, "we would be insupportable to the Irish." Our walk, our dress,
+our looks, our accent, our manner with men, and our way with women;
+the homage we 're used to; the respect we feel our due; the topics
+we discuss with freedom, and the range of our views generally over
+life,--would shock the whole population from Cape Clear to the Causeway.
+
+It's not easy for me to explain it to you, Molly; but, somehow,
+everything abroad is different from at home. Not only the things you
+talk of, but the way you talk of them, is quite distinct; and the whole
+world of men, morals, and manners have quite another standard! It is
+the same with one's thoughts as with their diet; half the things we like
+best are only what is called acquired tastes. Trouble enough we often
+have to learn them; but when once we do so, who'd be fool enough to go
+back upon his old ignorance again? High society and genteel manners,
+Molly, however you may like them when you are used to them, are just
+like London porter,--mighty bitter when you first taste it. I know there
+are plenty of people will tell you the contrary, and that they took
+to it naturally like mother's milk; but don't believe them, it's quite
+impossible it could be true.
+
+Once for all, I beg to tell you that there's no earthly use in
+tormenting and teasing us about the state the house is in at
+Dodsborough; how the roof is broken here, and the walls given way there.
+I trust sincerely that it may soon become perfectly uninhabitable, for I
+never wish to see it again! I often think it would n't be a bad plan for
+K. I. to go back and reside there. I 'm sure if he collected his rents
+himself, instead of leaving all to Tom Purcell, it would be "telling
+him something." You say that the country is getting disturbed again, and
+that they're likely to have a "sharp winter for the landlords;" but
+if it was the will of Providence anything should happen, I hope I have
+Christian feelings to support me! Indeed, I'm well used to trials now!
+It's a mistake, besides, Molly, to suppose that these--I hate to call
+them "outrages," as the newspapers do--these little outbreaks of the
+boys have any deep root in the country. The Orangemen, I know, would
+make them out as a regular system, and say that it's an organized
+society for murder; but it's no such thing. Father Maher himself told
+me that he spoke against it from the altar, and said: "What a pass the
+country has come to," says he, "that the poor laboring hard-working man
+has no justice to right him, except his own stout heart and strong
+arm!" What could he say more than that, Molly? But even these beautiful
+expressions did n't save him from the "Evening Mail"!
+
+The English are always boasting about their bravery and their courage,
+and so on; and when any one says, "Why don't you buy property in
+Ireland?" the answer is, "We 're afraid." I have heard it myself,
+Molly, with my own ears. But their ignorance is even worse than their
+cowardness, for if they only knew the people, they 'd see there was
+nothing to be frightened at. Sure, I remember myself, when we lived
+at Cloughmanus, Sam Gill came up to the house one morning, to say that
+there was two men come from below Lahinch to shoot K. I.
+
+"They have the passwords," says he, "and all the tokens, and though I
+'m, your honor's man, I was obliged to take them into my house and feed
+them."
+
+"It's a bad business, Sam," says he. "What are they to get for it?"
+
+"Five pound between them, sir,--if it's done complete."
+
+"Would they take three," says K. I., "and let me live?"
+
+"I don't know, sir; but, if you like, I'll ask them."
+
+"I would like it, indeed," says K. I.
+
+And down went Sam to the gate-house, and spoke to them. They were both
+decent, reasonable men, and agreed at once to the offer. The money was
+paid, and the two came up and ate a hearty breakfast at the house, and
+K. I. walked more than a mile of the road with them afterwards,--talking
+about the crops and the state of the country down westward,--and shook
+hands with them cordially at parting.
+
+Now, Molly, this is as true as the Bible, and yet there's people and
+there's newspapers call the Irish "Irreclaimable savages." It is as big
+a lie as ever was written! The real truth is, they don't know how,
+if they really wished, to reclaim them! And after all, how little
+reclaiming they need! To hear English people discuss Ireland, you 'd
+suppose that it was the worst part of Arabia Felix they were describing.
+But I have n't patience to go on; I fly out the moment I hear them, and
+faith they 're not proud of themselves when I 'm done.
+
+"I wish you were in the House, Mrs. Dodd," says one of them to me the
+other night.
+
+"I wish I was," says I; "if I would n't make it too hot for Slowbuck, my
+name isn't Jemima! for he's the one that abuses us most of all!" Well,
+I must say, we are well repaid for all the cruel treatment we receive at
+home, by the kindness and "consideration," as they call it, we meet with
+abroad! The minute a foreigner hears we 're Irish, he says, "Oh dear,
+how sorry we are for your sufferings; we never cease deploring your hard
+lot;" and to be sure, Molly, "wicked Old England," and the "Harlequin
+Flag," as Dan called it, come in for their share of abuse. Besides these
+advantages, I must remark that Catholics is greatly thought of on the
+Continent; for it is n't as in Ireland, where 's it's only the common
+people to mass. Here you may see royalty at their devotions. They sit in
+little galleries with glass windows, which they open every now and then,
+to take part in the prayers; and indeed, whatever rank and fashion is in
+the place, you 're sure to see it "at church;" mind, Molly, at church,
+for no educated Catholic even says "at mass."
+
+You want to hear "all about the converts to our holy faith," you say,
+but this is n't the place to get you the best information; but as I hope
+we 'll pass the winter in Italy, I 'll maybe be able to give you some
+account of them.
+
+Lord George tells me that the Pope makes Rome delightful to strangers;
+but whether it's "dinners" or "receptions," I don't know. At any rate, I
+conclude he doesn't give "balls."
+
+What a fuss they're making all over the world about these "rapparees,"
+or refugees, or whatever they call them. My notion is, Molly, that we
+who harbor them have the worst of the bargain; and as to our fighting
+for them, it would be almost as sensible as to take up arms in defence
+of a flea that got into your bed! Considering how plenty blackguards
+are at home, I think it's nothing but greediness in us to want to take
+Russian and Austrian ones! We have our own villains; and any one of
+moderate desires might be satisfied with them! These are Lord G.'s
+sentiments, but I 'm sure you like to hear the opinions of the
+aristocracy on all matters.
+
+What you say about Bony's marriage was the very thought that occurred to
+myself, and it was just the turn of a pin whether Mary Anne was n't at
+this moment Empress of France! Well, who knows what's coming, Molly!
+There's many a one, now in a private station, and mighty hard up for
+means, that will maybe turn out a King or a Grand-Duke before long. At
+any rate, no elevation to rank or dignity will ever make me forget my
+old friends, and yourself, the first of them. And with this, I subscribe
+myself,
+
+Yours ever affectionately,
+
+Jemima Dodd McCarthy.
+
+P. S. I 'll make one of the girls write to you next week, for I know I
+'ll be so much overcome by my feelings when K. I. arrives, that I 'll be
+quite incapable to take up my pen.
+
+I sometimes think that I 'll take to my bed, and be "given over."
+against the day of his coming; for you see there 's nothing gives such
+solemnity and weight to one's reproaches as their being last words. You
+can say such bitter things, Molly, when you are supposed to be too weak
+to bear a reply. But I 've done this once or twice before, and K. I. is
+a hardened creature.
+
+Lord G. says: "Treat him as if it were nothing at all, as if you saw him
+yesterday: don't give him the importance of having irritated you. Be a
+regular woman of fashion." If my temper would permit, perhaps this
+would be best of all; but have I a right to acquit a "great public
+malefactor"? That's a "case of conscience," Molly, that perhaps only the
+Church could resolve. The saints direct me!
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXVIII. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQUIRE, TRINITY COLLEGE,
+DUBLIN.
+
+My dear Bob,--It is quite true, I am a shameful correspondent, and your
+last three letters now before me, unanswered, comprise a tremendous
+indictment against me; but reflect for a moment, and you will see that
+in all complaints of this kind there is a certain amount of injustice,
+since it is hardly possible ever to find two people whose tastes,
+habite, and present circumstances place them on such terms of perfect
+equality that the interchange of letters is as easy for one as the
+other. Think over this for a moment, and you will perceive that sitting
+down at your quiet desk, in "No. 2, Old Square," is a different process
+from snatching a hurried moment amidst the din, the crash, and the
+conflict of life at Baden; and if _your_ thoughts flow on calmly,
+tinctured with the solemn influences around you, _mine_ as necessarily
+reflect an existence checkered by every rainbow hue of good or evil
+fortune.
+
+Be therefore tolerant of my silence and indulgent to my stupidity, since
+to transmit one's thoughts requires previously that you should think;
+and who can, or ever could, in a place like this? Imagine a winding
+valley, with wooded hills rising in some places to the height of
+mountains, in the midst of which stands a little village--for it is no
+more--nearly every house of which is a palace, some splendid hotel of
+France, Russia, or England. You pass from these by a shady alley to
+a little rustic bridge, over what might be, and very possibly is, an
+excellent trout-stream, and come at once in front of a magnificent
+structure, frescoed without and gilded and stuccoed within. "The Rooms,"
+the Temple of Fortune, the ordeal of destiny, Bob, is held here; and the
+rake of the croupier is the distaff of the Fate. Hither come flocking
+the representatives of every nation of the world, and of almost every
+class in each. Royalty, princely houses, and nobility with twenty
+quarterings, are jostled in the indiscriminate crowd with houseless
+adventurers, beggared spendthrifts, and ruined debauchees. All who can
+contribute the clink of their Louis d'or to the music are welcome
+to this orchestra! And women, too, fair, delicate, and lovely, the
+tenderest flowers that ever were nursed within domestic care, mixed up
+with others, not less handsome perhaps, but whose siren beauty is almost
+diabolic by comparison. What a babel of tongues, and what confusion
+of characters! The grandee of Spain, the escaped galley-slave, the
+Hungarian magnate, the London "swell," the old and hoary gambler with
+snow-white moustaches, and the unfledged minor, anticipating manhood by
+ruining himself in his "teens." All these are blended and commingled by
+the influence of play? and, differing as they do in birth, in blood, in
+lineage, and condition, yet are they members of one guild, associates
+of one society,--the gambling-table. And what a leveller is play! He who
+whispers in the ear of the Crown Prince yonder is a branded felon from
+the Bagnes de Brest; the dark-whiskered man yonder, who leans over the
+lady's chair, is an escaped forger; the Carlist noble is asking friendly
+counsel of a Christino spy; the London pickpocket offers his jewelled
+snuff-box to an Archduke of Austria. "How goes the game today?" cries
+a Neapolitan prince of the blood, and the question is addressed to
+a red-bearded Corsican, whose livelihood is a stiletto. "Is that the
+beautiful Countess of Hapsburg?" asks a fresh-looking Oxford man; and
+his friend laughingly answers: "Not exactly; it is Mademoiselle Varenne,
+of the Odéon." The fine-looking man yonder is a Mexican general, who
+carried off the military chest from Guanaguato; the pompous little
+fellow beside him is a Lucchese count, who stole part of the Crown
+jewels of his sovereign; the long-haired, broad-foreheaded man, with
+open shirt-collar, so violently denouncing the wrongs of injured Italy,
+is a Russian spy; and the dark Arab behind him is a Swiss valet, more
+than suspected of having murdered his master in the Mediterranean.
+Our English contingent embraces lords of the bedchamber, members of
+Parliament, railroad magnates, money-lending attorneys, legs, swells,
+and swindlers, and a small sprinkling of University men, out to read
+and be ruined,--the fair sex, comprising women of a certain fast set in
+London, divorced countesses, a long category of the widow class, some
+with daughters, some without. There is an abundance of good looks,
+splendid dress, and money without limit! The most striking feature of
+all, however, is the reckless helter-skelter pace at which every one is
+going, whether his pursuit be play, love, or mere extravagance. There
+is no such thing as calculation,--no counting the cost of anything. Life
+takes its tone from the tables, and where, as wealth and beggary succeed
+each other, so does every possible extreme of joy and misery, people
+wager their passions and their emotions exactly as they do their
+bank-notes and their gold pieces. Chance, my dear Bob,--chance is
+ten times a more intoxicating liquor than champagne, and once take to
+"dramming" with fortune, and you may bid a long adieu to sobriety! I do
+not speak here of the terrible infatuation of play, and the almost utter
+impossibility of resisting it, but I allude to what is infinitely worse,
+the certainty of your applying play theories and play tactics to every
+event and circumstance of real life.
+
+The whole world becomes to you but one great green cloth, and everything
+in it a question of luck! Will the bad run continue here? Will good
+fortune stand much longer to you? These are the questions ever rising
+to your mind. You grow to regard yourself as utterly powerless and
+impassive; a football at the toe of Destiny! I think I see your eyebrows
+upraised in astonishment at these profound reflections of mine. You
+never suspected me of moralizing, nor, shall I own it, was I aware
+myself that I had any genius that way. Shall I tell you the secret,
+Bob,--shall I unlock the mysterious drawer of hidden motives for you? It
+is this, then: I have been a tremendously heavy loser at Rouge-et-Noir!
+As long as luck lasted, which it did for three weeks or more, I enjoyed
+this place with a zest I cannot describe to you. The moralists tell us
+that prosperity hardens the heart; I cannot believe it. I know at least,
+that in my brief experience I never felt such a universal tenderness for
+everything and everybody. I seemed to live in an atmosphere of beauty,
+luxury, and splendor; every one was courteous; all were amiable! It
+was not alone that fortune favored me, but I appeared to have the good
+wishes of all beholders; words of encouragement murmured around me as I
+won; soft bewitching glances beamed over at me, as I raked up my gold.
+The very banker seemed to shovel out the shining pieces to me with a
+sense of satisfaction! Old veterans of the tables peeped over me to
+watch my game, and exclamations of wonder and admiration broke forth
+at each new moment of my triumphs! I don't care what it may be that
+constitutes the subject of display: a great speech in the House, a
+splendid picture at the Gallery, a novel, a song, a spirited lecture, a
+wonderful feat of strength or horsemanship; but there is an inward
+sense of intoxication in being the "cynosure of all eyes"--the "one in
+a thousand"--that comes very nigh to madness! Many a time have I screwed
+up my hunter to a fence--a regular yawner--that I knew in my heart was
+touch-and-go with both of us, simply because some one in the crowd said,
+"Look how young Dodd will do it" I made some smashing ventures at
+the "tables," under pretty similar promptings, and, I must say, with
+splendid success.
+
+"Are you always so fortunate?" asked a royal personage, with a courteous
+smile towards me.
+
+"And in everything?" sighs a gentle voice, with a look of such
+bewitching softness that I forgot to take up my stake, and see it remain
+on the board to double itself the next deal.
+
+Besides all this, there is a grand magnificence in all your notions
+under the access of sudden wealth. You give orders to your tradespeople
+with a Jove-like omnipotence. You revel in the unbounded realms of
+"I will." What signifies the cost of anything,--the most gorgeous
+entertainment? It is only adding twenty Naps, to your next bet! That
+rich bracelet of rubies--pshaw!--it is to be had for the turn of a card!
+In a word, Bob, I felt that I had fallen upon the "Bendigo Diggins,"
+without even the trouble of the search! I wanted fifty Naps, for
+a caprice, and strolled in to win them, as coolly as though I were
+changing a check at my banker's!
+
+"Come, Jim, be a good fellow, and back me this time; I 'm certain to win
+if you do," whispers a young lord, with fifteen thousand a year.
+
+"Which side is Dodd on?" asked an old peer, with his purse in his hand.
+
+"How I should like to win eighty Louis, and buy that roan Arab,"
+whispers Lady Mary to her sister.
+
+"I 'd rather spend the money on that opal brooch," murmurs the other.
+
+"Egad! if I win this time, I 'll start for my regiment to-night,"
+mutters a pale-looking sub., with a red spot in one cheek, and eyes
+lustrous as if on fire.
+
+Fancy the power of him who can accomplish these, and a hundred like
+longings, without a particle of sacrifice on his own part! Imagine, my
+dear Bob, the conscious rule and sway thus suggested, and ask yourself
+what ecstasy ever equalled it! I possessed all that Peter Schlemihl
+did, and had n't to give even my "shadow" in return. During these three
+glorious weeks, I gave dinners, concerts, and suppers, commanded plays,
+bespoke operas, patronized humbugs of all kinds, and headed charities
+without number. As to presents of jewelry, I almost fancied myself a
+kind of distributing agent for Storr and Mortimer.
+
+The hotel stables were filled with animals of all kinds belonging to
+me,--dogs, donkeys, horses, Spanish mules, and a bear; while every shape
+and description of equipage crammed the coach-houses and the courtyard.
+One of these, with a single wheel in front, and great facilities for
+upsetting behind, was invented by a Baden artist, and most flatteringly
+and felicitously called "Le Dod." Wasn't that fame for you, my boy?
+Think of going down to posterity on noiseless wheels and patent
+axles! Fancy being transmitted to remote ages on C springs and elastic
+cushions! Such was the rage for my patronage that an ingenious cutler
+had dubbed a newly invented forceps by my name, and I was introduced
+into the world of surgery as a torture.
+
+Now for the obverse of the medal. It was on that un-luckiest of all
+days--a Friday--that fortune changed with me. I had lain all the morning
+abed, after being up the whole night previous, and only went down to
+"the Rooms" in the evening. As usual, I was accompanied by my train of
+followers, lords, baronets, M. P.s, foreign counts and chevaliers,--for
+I went to the field like a general, with his full staff around him! You
+'ll scarcely believe me when I tell you, Bob, but I say it in all truth
+and seriousness, that so long as my star was in the ascendant, so long
+as my counsels were what Homer would call "wealth-bestowing words,"
+there was not an opinion of mine upon any subject, no matter how great
+my ignorance of it might have been, that was not listened to with
+deference and repeated with approval. "Dodd said so yesterday," "I hear
+Dodd thinks highly of it," "Dodd's opinion is unfavorable," and so on,
+were phrases that rang around me from every group I passed, and from
+the "odds on the Derby" to the "division on the Budget," there was a
+profound impression that my sentiments were worth hearing.
+
+The pleasantest talkers in Europe, the wittiest conversera that ever
+convulsed a dinner-party with laughter, would have been deserted and
+forsaken to hear _me_ hold forth, whether the theme was art, literature,
+law and politics, or the drama, or any other you please to mention, and
+of which my ignorance was profound. My luck was unfailing. "Dodd never
+loses," "Dodd has only to back it,"--these were the gifts which all
+could acknowledge and profit by, and these no man undervalued or denied.
+
+"Benasset"--this was the proprietor of the tables--"has been employing
+his time profitably, Dodd, during your absence. He has made a great
+morning of it,--cleared out the old Elector, and sent the Margraf of
+Ragatz penniless to his dominions." This was the speech that met me as I
+entered the door, and a general all hail followed it.
+
+"Now you 'll see some smart play," whispered one to his newly come
+friend. "Here 's young Dodd; we shall have some fun presently." Amid
+these and similar murmurings I approached the tables, at which a place
+for me was speedily made, for my coming was regarded by the company as a
+good augury.
+
+I could dwell long upon the sensations that then thronged my brain; they
+were certainly upon the whole highly pleasurable, but not unmixed with
+some sadness; for I already was beginning to feel a kind of contempt
+for my worshippers, and for myself too, as the unworthy object of their
+devotion. This scorn had not much leisure granted for its indulgence,
+for the cards were now presented to me for "the cut," and the game
+began.
+
+As usual, my luck was unbroken. If I had doubled my stake, or by caprice
+withdrew it altogether, it was the same. Fortune seemed to wait upon my
+orders. Revelling in a kind of absolutism over fate, I played a thousand
+pranks with luck, and won,--won on, as if to lose was an impossibility.
+What strange fancies crossed my mind as I sat there,--vague fears,
+shadowy terrors of the oddest kind, wild, dreamy, and undefined! Visions
+of joy and misery; orgies, mad and furious with mirth, and agonizing
+sights of misery, thoughts of men who had made compacts with the
+Fiend, and the terrors that beset them in the midst of their voluptuous
+abandonment; Belshazzar at his feast; Faust on the Brocken,--rose to my
+mind, and I almost started up and fled from the table at one moment,
+so impressed was I by these images! Would that I had! Would that I
+had listened to that warning whisper of my good genius that was then
+admonishing me!
+
+My revery had become such at last that I really never saw nor heard what
+went on about me. You can picture my condition to yourself when I
+say that I was only recalled to self-possession by loud and incessant
+laughter, that rang out on every side of me. "What 's the matter,--what
+has happened?" cried I, in amazement. "Don't you perceive, sir," said
+a bystander, "that you have broken the bank, and they are waiting for a
+remittance to continue the play?"
+
+[Illustration: 384]
+
+So it was, Bob; I had actually won their last Napoleon, and there I sat
+pushing my stake mechanically into the middle of the table, and raking
+it up again, playing an imaginary game, to the amusement of that motley
+crowd, who looked on at me with screams of laughter. I laughed, too,
+when I came to myself. It was such a relief to me to join, even for a
+moment, in any feeling that others experienced!
+
+The money came at last. Two strongly clasped, heavily ironed coffers
+were borne into the room by four powerful men. I watched them with
+interest as they unlocked and poured forth their shining stores; for in
+imagination they were already my own. I believe at that moment, if any
+one had offered to assure me the winning of them "for fifty Naps.," that
+I should have rejected the proposal with disdain, so impossible did it
+seem to me that luck could desert me! Do you know, Bob, that what most
+interested me at the time was the varied expressions displayed by the
+company at sight of the gorgeous treasure before them? It was strange
+to mark how little all their good breeding and fine manners availed to
+repress vulgarity of thought and feeling, for there was greed or envy or
+hatred, or some inordinate passion or other, on every face around; looks
+of mild and gentle meaning became dashed with a half ferocity; venerable
+old age grew fretful and impatient; youth lost its frank and careless
+bearing; and, in fact, gain, and the lust of gain, was the predominant
+and overbearing thought of every mind, and wish of every heart! I pledge
+you my word, there was more animal savagery in the expressions on all
+sides than ever I saw on a pack of yelping fox-hounds when the huntsman
+held up the fox in the midst of them. It was the comparison that came
+to my mind at the moment, and I repeat it, with the reservation that the
+dogs behaved best.
+
+There was an old careworn, meanly dressed man, with a faded blue ribbon
+in his button-hole, seated in the place I usually occupied, and he arose
+to give it to me with that mingled air of reluctance and respect which
+it is so bard to resist. His manner seemed to say, "I am too poor and
+too humble to contest the matter, but I 'd remain here if I could."
+
+"So you shall, then," said I to myself, and pushed him gently down upon
+the seat again.
+
+"By Jove! the old fellow has got the lucky place," cried one in the
+crowd behind me.
+
+"Hang we, if Dodd has n't given up his old chair!" said another.
+
+"I 'd rather have had _that_ seat," exclaimed a third, "than one at the
+India Board."
+
+But I only laughed at these absurd superstitions,--as though it were the
+spot, and not myself, that Fortune loved to caress! As if to resent the
+foolish credulity, I threw a heavy bet on the table, and lost it! Again
+and again I did the same, with the like result; and now a murmur ran
+through the room that luck had turned with me. I had given up my winning
+seat, and was losing at every turn of the cards.
+
+"Let _me_ have a peep at him," I beard one whisper to his friend behind.
+"I 'd like to see how he bears it!"
+
+"He loses remarkably well," muttered the other.
+
+"Admirably!" said another. "He seems neither confident nor impatient; I
+like the way he stands it."
+
+"Egad, his hand trembles, though! He tore that banknote in trying to get
+it out of his fingers!"
+
+"His hand is hot, too,--see how the Louis stick to it!"
+
+"They 'll not do so very long, depend on 't," said a close-shaved,
+well-whiskered fellow, with a knowing eye; and the remark met an
+approving smile from the bystanders.
+
+"I have just added up his last fifteen bets," said a young man to a lady
+on his arm, "and what do you think he has lost? Forty-eight thousand
+francs,--close on two thousand pounds!"
+
+"Quite enough for one evening!" said I, with a smile towards him, which
+made both himself and his friend blush deeply at being overheard; and
+with this I shut up my pocket-book, and strolled away from the tables
+into another room, where there were chess and whist players. I took a
+chair, and affected to watch the game with interest, my heart at the
+moment throbbing as though it would burst through my chest. Don't
+mistake, Bob, and fancy it was the accursed thirst for gold that
+enthralled me. I swear to you that mere gain, mere wealth, never entered
+into my thought at that moment. It was the gambler's lust--to be
+the victor, not to be beaten--that was the terrible passion that
+now struggled and stormed within me! I 'd like to have staked a
+limb--honor--happiness--life itself--on the issue of a chance; for I
+felt as though it were a duel with destiny, and I could not quit the
+ground till one of us should succumb!
+
+How poor and unsatisfying seemed the slow combinations of skill, as
+I watched the chess-players! What miserable minuteness, what petty
+plottings for small results!--nothing grand, great, or decisive! It was
+like being bled to death from some wretched trickling vessel, instead
+of meeting one's fate gloriously, amidst the roar of artillery and the
+crash of squadrons!
+
+I lounged into the _salons_ where they dance; it was a very brilliant
+and a very beautiful assembly. There were faces and figures there that
+might have proved attractive to eyes more critical than my own. My
+sudden appearance amongst them, too, was rapturously welcomed. I was
+already a celebrity; and I felt that amidst the soft glances and beaming
+smiles around me, I had but to choose out her whom I would distinguish
+by my attentions. My mother and the girls came to me with pressing
+entreaties to take out the beautiful Countess de B., or to be presented
+to the charming Marchioness of N. There was a dowager archduchess who
+vouchsafed to know me. Miss Somebody, with I forget how many millions in
+the funds, told Mary Anne she might introduce me. Already the master
+of the ceremonies came to know if I preferred a mazurka or a waltz. The
+world was, so to say, at my feet; and, as is usual at such moments, I
+kicked it for being there. In plain English, Bob, I saw nothing in
+all that bright and brilliant crowd but scheming mammas and designing
+daughters; a universal distrust, an utter disbelief in everything
+and everybody, had got bold of me. Whatever I could n't explain, I
+discredited. The ringlets might be false; the carnation might be rouge;
+the gentle timidity of manner might be the cat-like slyness of the
+tiger; the artless gayety of heart, the practised coquetry of a
+flirt,--ay, the very symmetry that seemed perfection, might it not be
+the staymaker's! Play had utterly corrupted me, and there was not one
+healthy feeling, one manly thought, or one generous impulse left within
+me! I left the room a few minutes after I entered it. I neither danced
+nor got presented to any one; but after one lounging stroll through the
+_salons_ I quitted the place, as though there was not one to know, not
+one to speak to! I have more than once witnessed the performance of this
+polite process by another. I have watched a fellow making the tour of
+a company, with a glass stuck in his eye, and his hand thrust in
+his pocket. I have tracked him as he passed on from group to group,
+examining the guests with the same coolness he bestowed on the china,
+and smiling his little sardonic appreciation of whatever struck him as
+droll or ridiculous; and when he has retired, it has been all I could do
+not to follow him out, and kick him down the stairs at his departure.
+I have no doubt that my conduct on this occasion must have inspired
+similar sentiments; nor have I any hesitation in avowing that they were
+well merited.
+
+[Illustration: 388]
+
+When I reached the open air I felt a delicious sense of relief. It was
+so still, so calm, so tranquil! a bright starlit summer's night, with
+here and there a murmuring of low voices, a gentle laugh, beard amongst
+the trees, and the rustling sounds of silk drapery brushing through
+the alleys,--all those little suggestive tokens that bring up one's
+reminiscences of
+
+     "Those odorous boon
+     In jasmine bowers,
+     Or under the linden tree!"
+
+But they only came for a second, Bob, and they left not a trace behind
+them. The monotonous rubric of the croupier rang ever through my
+brain,--"Faîtes votre jeu, Messieurs! "--"Messieurs, faîtes votre jeu!"
+The table, the lights, the glittering gold, the clank of the rake, were
+all before me, and I set off at full speed to the hotel, to fetch more
+money, and resume my play.
+
+I 'll not weary you with a detail, at every step of which I know that
+your condemnation tracks me. I re-entered the play-room, secretly and
+cautiously; I approached the table stealthily; I hoped to escape all
+observation,--at least, for a time; and with this object I betted small
+sums, and attracted no notice. My luck varied,--now inclining on this
+side, now to that. Fortune seemed as though in a half-capricious mood,
+and as it were undetermined how to treat me. "This comes of my own
+miserable timidity," thought I; "when I was bold and courageous, she
+favored me. It is the same in everything. To win, one must venture."
+
+There was a vacant place in front of me; a young Hungarian had just
+quitted it, having lost his last "Louis." I immediately took it. The
+card on which he had been marking the chances of the game still lay
+there. I took it up, and saw that he had been playing most rashly; that
+no luck could possibly have carried a man safely through such a system
+as he had followed.
+
+I must let you into a little secret of this game, Bob, and do not be
+incredulous of my theory, because my own case is a sorry illustration of
+it. Where all men fail at Rouge-et-Noir, is from temper. The loser makes
+tremendous efforts to repair his losses; the winner grows cautious with
+success, and diminishes his stake. Now the wise course is, play low when
+you see Fate against you, and back your luck to the very limit of the
+bank. You ask, perhaps, "How are you to ascertain either of these facts?
+What evidence have you that Fortune is with or against you?" As you are
+not a gambler, I cannot explain this to you. It is part of the masonry
+of the play-table, and every one who risks heavily on a chance knows
+well what are the instincts that guide him.
+
+I own to you, that though well aware of these facts, and thoroughly
+convinced that they form the only rules of play, I soon forgot them
+in the excitement of the game, and betted on, as caprice, or rather
+as passion, dictated. We Irish are bad stuff for gamblers. We have the
+bull-dog resistance of the Englishman,--his stern resolve not to
+be beaten,--but we have none of his caution or reserve. We are as
+impassioned as the men of the South, but we are destitute of that
+intense selfishness that never suffers an Italian to peril his all. In
+fact, as an old Belgian said to me one night, we make bad winners and
+worse losers,--too lavish in one case, too reckless in the other.
+
+I am not seeking excuses for my failure in my nationality. I accept
+the whole blame on my own shoulders. With common prudence I might have
+arisen that night a large winner; as it was, I left the table with a
+loss of nigh three thousand pounds. Just fancy it, Bob,--five thousand
+pounds poorer than when I strolled out after luncheon. A sum
+sufficient to have started me splendidly in some career,--the army, for
+instance,--gone without enjoyment, even without credit; for already
+the critics were busily employed in analyzing my "play," which they
+unanimously pronounced "badly reasoned and contemptible." There remained
+to me still--at home in the hotel, fortunately--about eight hundred
+pounds of my former winnings, and I passed the night canvassing with
+myself what I should do with these. Three or four weeks back I had
+never given a second thought to the matter,--indeed, it would never have
+entered my head to risk such a sum at play; but now the habit of winning
+and losing heavy wages, the alternations of affluence and want, had
+totally mastered all the calmer properties of reason, and I could
+entertain the notion without an effort. I 'll not tire you with my
+reasonings on this subject. Probably you would scarcely dignify them
+with the name. They all resolved themselves into this: "If I did not
+play, I 'd never win back what I lost; if I did, I _might_." My mind
+once made up to this, I began to plot how I should proceed to execute
+it I resolved to enter the room next day just as the table opened, at
+twelve o'clock. The players who frequented the room at that hour were
+a few straggling, poor-looking people, who usually combined together to
+make up the solitary crown-piece they wished to venture. Of course I had
+no acquaintances amongst them, and therefore should be free from all
+the embarrassing restraints of observation by my intimates. My judgment
+would be calmer, my head cooler, and, in fact, I could devote myself to
+the game with all my energies uncramped and unimpeded.
+
+Sharp to the moment of the clock striking twelve, I entered the room.
+One of the croupiers was talking to a peasant-girl at the window. The
+other, seated on a table, was reading the newspaper. They both looked
+astonished at seeing me, but bowed respectfully, not, however, making
+any motion to assume their accustomed places, since it never occurred
+to them that I could have come to play at such an hour of the morning. A
+little group, of the very "seediest" exterior, was waiting respectfully
+for when it might be the croupiers' pleasure to begin, but the
+functionaries never deigned to notice them.
+
+"At what hour are the tables opened?" asked I, as if for information.
+
+"At noon, Monsieur le Comte," said one of the croupiers, folding up
+his paper, and producing the keys of the strongbox; "but, except
+these worthy people,"--this he said with a most contemptuous air
+of compassion,--"we have no players till four, or even five, of the
+afternoon."
+
+"Come, then," said I, taking a seat, "I 'll set the virtuous fashion of
+early hours. There go twenty Naps, for a beginning."
+
+The dealer shuffled the cards. I cut them, and we began. _We_ I say;
+because I was the only player, the little knot of humble folk gathering
+around me in mute astonishment, and wondering what millionnaire they had
+before them. If I had not been too deeply engaged in the interest of the
+game, I should have experienced the very highest degree of entertainment
+from the remarks and comments of the bystanders, who all sympathized
+with me, and made common cause against the bank.
+
+Some of them were peasants, some were small shopkeepers from distant
+towns,--the police regulations exclude all natives of Baden, it being
+the Grand-Ducal policy only to pillage the foreigner,--and one, a
+half-starved, decrepit old fellow, had been a professor of something
+somewhere, and turned out of his university to starve for having
+broached some liberal doctrines in a lecture. He it was who watched me
+with most eager intensity, following every alternation of my game with
+a card and a pin. At the end of about an hour I was winner of something
+more than two hundred pounds, and I sat betting on, my habitual stake of
+five, or sometimes ten "Naps." each time.
+
+"Get up and go away now," whispered the old man in my ear. "You have
+done enough for once,--gained more in this brief hour than ever I did in
+any two years of hard labor."
+
+"At what trade did you work?" asked I, without raising my head from my
+game.
+
+"My faculty was the 'Pandects,'" replied he, gravely; "but I lectured in
+private on history, philology, and chemistry."
+
+Shocked at the rudeness of my question to one in his station, I muttered
+some half-intelligible excuse; but he did not seem to suspect any
+occasion for apology,--never recognizing that he who labored with head
+could arrogate over him who toiled with his hands.
+
+"There, I told you so," broke he in, suddenly. "You will lose all back
+again. You play rashly. The runs of the game have been 'triplets' and
+_you_ bet on to the fourth time of passing."
+
+"So, then, you understand it!" said I, smiling, and still making my
+stake as before.
+
+"Let the deal pass; don't bet now," whispered he, eagerly.
+
+"Herr Ephraim, I have warned you already," cried the croupier, "that
+if you persist in disturbing the gentlemen who play here, you will be
+removed by the police."
+
+The word "police"--so dreadful to all German ears--made the old man
+tremble from bead to foot; and he bowed twice or thrice in hurried
+submission, and protested that he would be more cautious in future.
+
+"You certainly do not exhibit such signs of good fortune on your own
+person," said the croupier, "that should entitle you to advise and
+counsel others."
+
+"Quite true, Herr Croupier," assented he, with an attempt to smile.
+
+"Besides that, if you reckon upon the Count's good nature to give you
+a trifle when the game is over, you 'll certainly merit it better by
+silence and respect now."
+
+The old man's face became deep scarlet, and then as suddenly pale. He
+made an effort to say something; but though his hands gesticulated,
+and his lips moved, no sounds were audible, and with a faint sigh he
+tottered back and leaned against the wall. I sprang up and placed him
+in a chair, and, seeing that he was overcome by weakness, I called for
+wine, and hastily poured a glassful down his throat. I could not induce
+him to take a second, and he seemed, while expressing his gratitude, to
+be impatient to get away and leave the place.
+
+"Shall I see you home, Herr Ephraim?" said I; "will you allow me to
+accompany you?"
+
+"On no account, Herr Graf," said he, giving me the title he had heard
+the croupier address me by. "I can go alone; I am quite able, and--I
+prefer it."
+
+"But you are too weak, far too weak to venture by yourself,--is he
+not so?" said I, turning to the croupier to corroborate my words. A
+strangely significant raising of the eyebrow, a sort of--I know not
+what--meaning, was all the reply he made me; and half ashamed of the
+possibility of being made the dupe of some practised impostor, I drew
+nigh the table for an explanation.
+
+"What is it? what do you mean?" asked I, eagerly.
+
+A shrug of the shoulders and a look of pity was his answer.
+
+"Is he a hypocrite?--is he a cheat?" asked I.
+
+"Perhaps not exactly _that_," said he, shuffling the cards.
+
+"A drunkard,--does he drink, then?" asked I.
+
+"I have never heard so," said he.
+
+"Then what has he done?--what is he?" cried I, impatiently.
+
+He made a sign for me to come close, and then whispered in my ear what
+I have just told you, only with a voice full of holy horror at the crime
+of a man who had dared to have an opinion not in accordance with that of
+a Police Prefect! That he--a man of hard study and deep reading--should
+venture to draw other lessons from history than those taught at
+drum-heads by corporals and petty officers!
+
+"Is that all?--is that all?" asked I, indignantly.
+
+"All all!" exclaimed he; "do you want more?"
+
+"Why, these things may possibly interest police spies, but they have no
+imaginable concern for me."
+
+"That is precisely what they have, sir," said he, hastily, and in a
+still more cautious tone. "You could not show that miserable man a
+kindness without its attracting the attention of the authorities. They
+never could be brought to believe mere humanity was the motive, and they
+would seek for some explanation more akin to their daily habits. As an
+Englishman, I know your custom is to treat these things haughtily, and
+make every personal insult of this kind a national question; but the
+inconvenience of this course will track you over the whole Continent.
+Your passport will be demanded here, permission refused you to remain
+there. At one town your luggage will be scrutinized, at another, your
+letters opened. I conclude you come abroad to enjoy yourself. Is this
+the way to do it? At all events, he is gone now," added he, looking down
+the room, "and let's think no more of him. Messieurs, faîtes votre jeu!"
+and once more rang out the burden of that monotonous injunction to ruin
+and beggary!
+
+I was n't exactly in the mood for high play at the moment; on the
+contrary, my thoughts were with poor Ephraim and his sorrows; but, for
+very pride's sake, I was obliged to seem indifferent and at ease. For I
+must tell you, Bob, this cold, impassive bearing is the high breeding
+of the play-table, and to transgress it, even for an instant, is a gross
+breach of good manners. I have told you my mind was preoccupied; the
+results were soon manifest in my play. Every "coup" was ill-timed. I was
+always on the wrong color, and lost without intermission.
+
+"This is not your 'beau moment,' Monsieur le Comte," said the croupier
+to me, as he raked in a stake I had suffered to quadruple itself by
+remaining. "I should almost say, wait for another time!"
+
+"Had you said so half an hour ago," replied I, bitterly, "the counsel
+might have been worth heeding. There goes the last of twenty thousand
+francs." And there it did go, Bob! swept in by the same remorseless hand
+that gathered all I possessed.
+
+I lingered for a few moments, half stunned. I felt like one that
+requires some seconds to recover from the effects of a severe blow, but
+who feels conscious that with time he shall rally and be himself again.
+After that I strolled out into the open air, lighted my cigar, and
+turned off into a steep path that led up the mountain side, under the
+cover of a dense pine forest. I walked for hours, without noticing the
+way at either side of me, and it was only when, overcome with thirst,
+I stooped to drink at a little fountain, that I perceived I had crossed
+over the crest of the mountain, and gained a little glen at its foot,
+watered by what I guessed must be a capital fishing-stream. Indeed, I
+had not long to speculate on this point, for, a few hundred yards off,
+I beheld a man standing knee-deep in the water, over which he threw his
+line, with that easy motion of the wrist that bespeaks the angler.
+
+I must tell you that the sight of a fly-fisher is so far interesting
+abroad that it is only practised by the English; and although, Heaven
+knows, there is no scarcity of them in town and cities, the moment you
+wander in the least out of the beaten, frequented track of travel, you
+rejoice to see your countryman. I made towards him, therefore, at once,
+to ask what sport he had, and came up just as he had landed a good-sized
+fish.
+
+"I see, sir," said I, "that the fish are not so strong as in our waters.
+You 'd have given that fellow twenty minutes more play, had he been in a
+Highland tarn."
+
+"Or in that brisk little river at Dodsborough," replied he, laughing;
+and, turning round at the same time to sainte me, I perceived that it
+was Captain Morris. You may remember him being quartered at Bruff, about
+two years ago, and having had some altercation with my governor on
+some magisterial topics. He was never much to my taste. I thought him
+somewhat of a military prig, very stiff and stand off; but whether it
+was the shooting-jacket _vice_ the red coat, or change of place and
+scene, I know not, but now he seemed far more companionable than I could
+have thought him. He was a capital angler too, and spoke of shooting and
+deer-stalking like one passionately fond of them. I felt half ashamed
+at first, when he asked me my opinion of the trout streams in the
+neighborhood, and it was only as we warmed up that I owned to the
+kind of life I had been leading at Baden, and the consequences it had
+entailed.
+
+"Fortunately for me, in one sense," said he, laughing, "I have always
+been too poor a man to play at anything; and chess, which excludes all
+idea of money, is the only game I know. But of this I am quite sure,
+that the worst of gambling is neither the time nor the money lost upon
+it; it is the simple fact that, if you ever win, from that moment forth
+you are unfitted to the pursuits by which men earn their livelihood. The
+slow, careworn paths of daily industry become insufferable to him who
+can compass a year's labor by the turn of a die. Enrich yourself but
+once--only once--at the play-table, and try then what it is to follow
+any career of patient toil."
+
+He had seen, he said, many examples of this in his own regiment; some
+of the very finest fellows had been ruined by play, for, as he remarked,
+"it is strange enough, there are few vices so debasing, and yet the
+natures and temperaments most open to the seduction of the gaming-table
+are very far from being those originally degraded." I suppose that his
+tone of conversation chimed in well with my thoughts at the moment, for
+I listened to all he said with deep interest, and willingly accepted his
+invitation to eat some of his morning's sport at a little cottage, where
+he lived, hard by. He had taken it for the season, and was staying
+there with his mother, a charming old lady, who welcomed me with great
+cordiality.
+
+I dined and passed the evening with them. I don't remember when I
+spent one so much to my satisfaction, for there was something more than
+courtesy, something beyond mere politeness, in their manner towards me;
+and I could observe in any chance allusion to the girls, there was a
+degree of real interest that almost savored of friendship. There was
+but one point on which I did not thoroughly go with Morris, and that
+was about Tiverton. On that I found him full of the commonest and most
+vulgar prejudices. He owned that there was no acquaintanceship between
+them, and therefore I was able to attribute much, if not all, of
+his impressions to erroneous information. Now I know George
+intimately,--nobody can know him better. He is what they call in the
+world "a loose fish." He's not overburdened with strict notions or rigid
+principles; he 'd tell you himself, that to be encumbered with either
+would be like entering for a rowing-match in a strait waistcoat; but
+he is a fellow to share his last shilling with a friend,--thoroughly
+generous and free-hearted. These are qualities, however, that men like
+Morris hold cheap. They seem to argue that nobody stands in need of
+such attributes. I differ with them there totally. My notion is that
+shipwreck is so common a thing in life, it is always pleasant to think
+that a friend can throw you a spare hencoop when you're sinking.
+
+We chatted till the night closed in, and then, as the moon got up,
+Morris strolled with me to within a mile of Baden.
+
+"There!" said he, pointing to the little village, now all spangled with
+its starry lights,--"there lies the fatal spot that has blighted many a
+hope, and made many a heart a ruin! I wish you were miles away from it!"
+
+"It cannot injure me much now," said I, laughing; "I am as regularly
+'cleaned out' as a poor old professor I met there this morning, Herr
+Ephraim."
+
+"Not Ephraim Gauss?" asked he. "Did you meet _him?_"
+
+"If that be his name,--a small, mean-looking man, with a white beard--"
+
+"One of the first men in Germany--the greatest civilian--the most
+learned Orientalist--and a man of almost universal attainment in
+science--tell me of him."
+
+I told him the little incident I have already related to you, and
+mentioned the caution given me by the croupier.
+
+"Which is not the less valuable," broke he in, "because he who gave it
+is himself a paid spy of the police."
+
+I started, and he went on.
+
+"Yes, it is perfectly true; and the advice he gave you was both good and
+well intended. These men who act as the croupiers are always in the
+pay of the police. Their position affords them the very best and safest
+means of obtaining information; they see everybody, and they hear an
+immensity of gossip. Still, it is not their interest that the English,
+who form the great majority of play-victims, should be excluded from
+places of gambling resort. With them, they would lose a great part of
+their income; for this reason he gave you that warning, and it is by no
+means to be despised or undervalued."
+
+At length we parted,--he to return over the mountain to his cottage, and
+I to continue my way to the hotel.
+
+"At least promise me one thing," said he, as he shook my hand: "you 'll
+not venture down yonder to-night;" and he pointed to the great building
+where the play went forward, now brilliant in all its illumination.
+
+"That's easily done," said I, laughing, "if you mean as regards play."
+
+"It is as regards play, I say it," replied he; "for the rest, I suppose
+you'll not incur much hazard."
+
+"I say that the pledge costs little sacrifice; I have no money to
+wager."
+
+"All the better, at least for the present. My advice to you would be,
+take your rod, or, if you haven't one, take one of mine, and set out for
+a week or ten days up the valley of the 'Moorg.' You'll have plenty
+of fishing, pretty scenery, and, above all, quiet and tranquillity to
+compose your mind and recover your faculties after all this fevered
+excitement."
+
+He continued to urge this plan upon me with considerable show of reason,
+and such success that as I shook his hand for the last time it was in
+a promise to carry out the scheme. He'd have gone with me himself, he
+said, but that he could not leave his mother even for a few days; and,
+indeed, this I scarcely regretted, because, to own the honest fact,
+my dear Bob, I felt that there was a terrible gulf between us in fifty
+matters of thought and opinion; and, what was worse, I saw that he was
+more often in the right than myself. Now, wise notions of life, prudent
+resolves, and sage aphorisms are certain to come some time or other
+to everybody; but I 'd as soon think of "getting up" wrinkles and
+crows'-feet as of assuming them at one-and-twenty. I know, at least,
+that's Tiverton's theory; and he, it can't be denied, does understand
+the world as well as most men. Not that I do not like Morris; on
+the contrary, I am sure he is an excellent fellow, and worthy of all
+respect, but somehow he does n't "go along," Bob; he's--as we used to
+say of a clumsy horse in heavy ground--"he's sticky." But I'm not going
+to abuse him, and particularly at the moment when I am indebted to his
+friendship.
+
+When I reached the hotel, I was so full of my plan that I sent for the
+landlord, and asked him to convert all my goods and chattels, live
+and dead, into ready cash. After a brief and rather hot discussion the
+scoundrel agreed to give me two hundred "Naps." for what would have been
+cheap at twelve. No matter, thought I, I 'll make an end of Baden, and
+if ever I set foot in it again--
+
+"Come, out with the cash, Master Müller," cried I, impatient to be off;
+"I 'm sick of this place, and hope never to set eyes on 't more!"
+
+"Ah, the 'Herr Graf' is going away then?" said he, in some surprise.
+"And the ladies, are they, too, about to leave?"
+
+"I know nothing about their intentions, nor have you any business to
+make the inquiry," replied I; "pay this money, and make an end of it."
+
+He muttered something about doing the thing regularly, not having "so
+much gold by him," and so on, ending with a promise that in half an hour
+I should have the cash sent to my room.
+
+I accordingly hurried upstairs to put away my traps. My mother and the
+girls had already gone out for the evening, so that I wrote a few
+lines to say that I was off for a week's fishing, but would be back
+by Wednesday. I had just finished my short despatch, when the landlord
+entered with a slip of paper in one hand and a canvas bag of money in
+the other.
+
+"This is the inventory of the goods, Herr Graf, which you will please
+assign over to me, by affixing your signature."
+
+I wrote it at once.
+
+"This is my little account for your expenses at the hotel," said he,
+presenting a hateful-looking strip of a foot and a half long.
+
+"Another time,--no leisure for looking over that now!" said I, angrily.
+
+"Whenever you please, Herr Graf," said he, with the same imperturbable
+manner. "You will find it all correct, I 'm sure. This is the balance!"
+And opening the bag he poured forth some gold and silver, which, when
+counted, made up twenty-seven Napoleons, fourteen francs.
+
+"And what's this?" cried I, almost boiling over with rage.
+
+"Your balance, Herr Graf. All that is coming to you. If you will please
+to look here--"
+
+"Give me up that inventory,--that bill of sale," cried I, perfectly wild
+with passion.
+
+He only gave a grim smile, while, by a significant gesture, he showed
+that the paper in question was in his breeches-pocket For a second, Bob,
+I was so thoroughly beside myself with passion, that I determined to
+regain possession of it by force. To this end I went to the door, and
+locked it; but by the time I returned to him, I found that he had thrown
+up the window and addressed some words to the people in the courtyard.
+This brought me to my senses, so I counted over my twenty-seven Naps.,
+placed the bill on the chimney-piece, unlocked the door, and told him
+to go,--an injunction which, I assure you, he obeyed with such alacrity
+that had I been disposed to assist his exit I could not have been in
+time to do it.
+
+For both our sakes I 'll not recall the state of mind in which this
+scene left me. As to going an excursion with such a sum, or rather
+with what would have remained of it after paying waiters, porters, and
+such-like, it was too absurd to think of, so that I coolly put it in my
+pocket, walked over to "the Rooms," threw it on the green cloth of
+the gaming-table--and--lost it! There ends the episode of my last
+fortnight's existence,--as dreary and disreputable a one as need be. As
+to how I have passed the last four days I 'm not quite so clear! I
+have walked some twenty-five or thirty miles in each, dining at little
+wayside inns, and returning late at night to Baden.
+
+Passing through picturesque glens, and along mountain ridges of
+boldest outline, I have marked little. I remember still less. Still the
+play-fever is abating. I can sleep without dreaming of the croupier's
+chant, and I awake without starting at any imaginary loss! I feel as
+though great bodily exertion and fatigue would ultimately antagonize the
+excessive tension of nerves too long and too painfully on the stretch,
+and I am steadily pursuing this system for a cure.
+
+When I come home--after midnight--I add some pages to this long epistle,
+which I sometimes doubt if I shall ever have courage to send you! for
+there is this poignant misery about one's play misfortunes, you never
+can expect a friend's sympathy, no matter how severe your sufferings be.
+The losses at play are thoroughly selfish ills; they appeal to nothing
+for consolation!
+
+You will have remarked how I have avoided all mention of the family in
+this epistle. The truth is, I scarcely ever see my mother or Mary Anne.
+Caroline occasionally comes to me before I 'm up of a morning; but it is
+to sorrow over domestic griefs of one kind or other. My father is still
+away, and, strangely too, we do not hear from him; and, in fact, we are
+a most ill-ordered, broken-up household, each going his own road, and
+that being--in almost every case, I fear--a bad one.
+
+This recital--if it be ever destined to come to hand--may possibly tend
+to reconcile you to home life, and the want of those advantages which
+you are so thoroughly convinced pertain to foreign travel. I know that
+in my present mood I am very far from being an impartial witness, and
+I am also aware that I am open to the reproach of not having cultivated
+those arts which give to Continental residence its peculiar value; but
+let me tell you, Bob, the ignorance with which I left home--the utter
+neglect of education in youth--left me unable to derive profit from what
+lay so seemingly accessible. You do not plate over cast-iron, and the
+thin lacquer of gold or silver would never even hide the base metal
+beneath. I haven't courage to go over and see Morris; and here I live,
+perfectly isolated and companionless.
+
+Tiverton writes me word that he 'll be back in a few days. He went
+over to speak on the Jew Bill. He says that his liberal speech on
+that measure "stood to him" very handsomely in Lombard Street He has
+forwarded the report of his oration, but I have n't read it. His chief
+argument in favor of admitting them into Parliament is, "There are so
+few of them." It's very like the lady's plea,--of the child being a
+little one. However, I don't think it signifies much one way or t'other;
+but it seems strange to exclude men from legislation who claim for their
+ancestor the first Lawgiver.
+
+I shall be all eagerness to hear what success you have had for the
+scholarship. You are a happy fellow to have heart and energy for an
+honorable ambition; and that you may have "luck"--for that is requisite,
+too--is the sincere wish of your attached friend,
+
+James Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXIX. CAROLINE DODD TO MISS COX AT MISS MINCING'S ACADEMY, BLACK ROCK, IRELAND
+
+The Moorg Thal.
+
+My dear Miss Cox,--How happy would you be if only seated in the spot
+where I now write these lines! I am at an open window, the sill of which
+is a great rock, all covered with red-brown moss, and beneath, again,
+at some thirty feet lower, runs the clear stream of the Moorg River.
+Two gigantic mountains, clad in pine forests to the summits, enclose the
+valley, the view of which, however, extends to full two miles, showing
+little peeps of farmhouses and mills along the river's bank, and high
+upon a great bold crag, the ducal castle of Eberstein. The day is hot
+but not sultry, for a light summer breeze is playing over the water,
+and, high up, the clouds move slowly on, now casting broad masses of
+mellow shadow over the deep-tinted forest.
+
+The stream here falls over some masses of rock with a pleasant gushing
+music that harmonizes well with the songs of the peasant girls, who are
+what we should in Ireland call "beetling" their clothes in the water.
+On the opposite bank some mowers are seated at their dinner, under the
+shadow of a leafy horsechestnut-tree, and, far away in the distance, a
+wagon of the newly cut hay is traversing the river; the horses stop to
+drink, and the merry children are screaming their laughter from the top
+of the load. I hear them even here.
+
+That you may learn where I am, and how I have come hither, let me tell
+you that I am on a visit with Mrs. Morris, the mother of Captain M., at
+a little cottage they have taken for the season, about twelve miles from
+Baden, in a valley called the Moorg Thal. If its situation be the very
+perfection of picturesque choice, it contains within quite enough of
+accommodation for those who occupy it. The furniture, too, most
+simple though it be, is of that nice old walnut-wood, so bright
+and mellow-looking; and our little drawing-room is even handsomely
+ornamented by a richly carved cabinet and a centre-table, the support
+of which is a grotesque dwarf with four heads. Then we have a piano,
+a reasonably well-filled book-shelf, and a painter's easel, to which I
+turn at intervals, as I write, to give a passing touch of light to
+those trees now waving in the summer's wind, and which I destine, when
+finished, for my dear, dear governess. All the externals of rural life
+in Germany are highly picturesque,--I might almost call them poetic.
+The cottages, the costume, the little phrases in use amongst the people,
+their devotional offices, and, above all, their music, make up an ideal
+of country life such as I scarcely conceived possible to exist.
+
+There is, too, I am told,--for my imperfect knowledge of the language
+does not permit me to state the fact of myself,--an amount of
+information amongst the people seldom found in a similar class
+throughout the rest of Europe. I do not mean the peasantry here, but
+the dwellers in the small villages,--those, for instance, who follow
+handicrafts and small trades, and who are usually great readers and
+very acute thinkers. Denied almost entirely all access to that daily
+literature of newspapers on which our people feed, they fall back upon
+a very different class of writing, and are conversant with the works of
+their great prose and verse writers. Their thoughts are thus idealized
+to a degree; they themselves become assuredly less work-a-day and
+practical, but their hopes, their aspirations, and their ambitions
+take a higher flight than we could ever think possible from such humble
+resting-places. Mrs. Morris, who knew Germany many years ago, tells
+me that those fatal years of '48 and '49 have done them great injury.
+Suddenly called upon to act, in events and contingencies of which they
+derived all their knowledge from some parallels in remote history,
+they rushed into the excesses of a mediæval period, as the natural
+consequences of the position; and all the atrocities of bygone centuries
+were re-enacted by a people who are unquestionably the most docile and
+law-obeying of the whole Continent. They are now calming down again,
+and there is every reason to think that, if, unshaken by troubles from
+without or within, Germany will again be the happy land it used to be.
+
+Forgive me, my dear Miss Cox, if I grow tiresome to you, by a theme
+which now fills all my thoughts, and occupies so much of our daily
+talking. Captain M. has gone to England on some important matter of
+business, and the old lady is my only companion.
+
+Oh, how you would like her! and how capable you would be of appreciating
+traits and features of her mind, of which I, in my insufficiency, can
+but dimly catch the meaning. She is within a year or two of eighty, and
+yet with a freshness of heart and a brightness of intellect that would
+shame one of _my_ age.
+
+The mellow gayety of heart that, surviving all the trials of life, lives
+on to remote age, hopeful in the midst of disappointments, trusting even
+when betrayed, is the most captivating trait that can adorn our poor
+nature. The spirit that can extract its pleasant memories from the past,
+forgetting all their bitterness, is truly a happy one. This she seems to
+do in all gratitude for what blessings remain to her, after a life not
+devoid of misfortune. She is devotedly attached to her son, who, in
+return, adores her. Probably no picture of domestic affection is more
+touching than that subsisting between a man already past youth and his
+aged and widowed mother,--the little tender attentions, the watchful
+kindnesses on both sides, those graceful concessions which each knows
+how and when to make of their own comfort, and, above all, that blending
+of tastes by which, at last, each learns to adopt some of the other's
+likings, and, even in prejudices, to become more companionable.
+
+To me, the happiness of my present life is greater than I can describe
+to you. The peaceful quietude of an existence on which no shocks obtrude
+is unspeakably delightful. If the weather forbid us to venture abroad,
+which on fine days we do for hours together, our home resources
+are numerous. The little cares of a household, amusing as they are,
+associated with so many little peculiar traits of nationality, help the
+morning to pass; after which I draw, or write, or play, or read aloud,
+mostly German, to the old lady. Whatever my occupation, be it at the
+easel, the desk, or the pianoforte, her criticisms are always good and
+just; for, strange to say, even on subjects of which she professes to
+know nothing, there is an instinctive appreciation of the right; and
+this would seem to result from an intense study, and deep love of
+nature. She herself was the first to show me that this was a charm which
+the Bible possessed in the most remarkable manner, and, unlike other
+literature, gave it the most uncommon value in the eyes of the humblest
+classes, who are from the very accidents of fortune the deep students
+of nature. The language whose illustrations are taken from objects and
+incidents that every peasant can confirm, has a direct appeal to a lowly
+heart; and there is a species of flattery to his intelligence in the
+fact that inspiration could not typify more strongly its conception than
+by analogies open to the lowliest son of labor.
+
+After this, she places Shakspeare, whose actual knowledge is miraculous,
+and whose immortality is based upon that very fact, since the true will
+be true to all ages and people; and, however men's minds may differ
+about the forms of expression, the fact will remain imperishable.
+According to her theory, Shakspeare understood human nature as learned
+men do an exact science,--where certain results must follow certain
+premises and combinations inevitably and of necessity. How otherwise
+explain that intimate acquaintance with the habits and modes of thought
+of classes of which he never made one? How account for the delineation
+of kingly feelings by him who scarcely saw the steps of a throne? "And
+yet," said Mrs. M., "Louis Philippe himself told me, that Shakspeare's
+kings were as true as his lovers. His Majesty once amused me much," said
+she, "by alluding to a passage in 'Hamlet,' which assuredly would
+never have occurred to me to notice. It is where the King and Queen
+are dismissing their attendants from further waiting. His Majesty says,
+'Thanks, Rosenkrantz, and gentle Guildenstern;' on which the Queen
+adds, 'Thanks, Guildenstern, and gentle Rosenkrantz.' 'Now,' said Louis
+Philippe, 'one almost should have been a queen to know that it was
+needful to balance the seeming preference of the Royal epithet, by
+inverting the phrase.'"
+
+While I ramble on thus, I may seem to be forgetting the subjects on
+which more properly I ought to dwell,--home and family. Our pursuit of
+greatness still continues, my dear Miss Cox. We are determined to
+be fine people; and I suppose, after all, that our shortcomings and
+disappointments are not greater than usually fall to the lot of those
+who aspire to what is beyond or above them. In England the gradations
+of rank are as fixed as the degrees of a service; and we, being who
+and what we are, could no more pretend to something else than could a
+subaltern pass off for a colonel to his own regiment. Here, however,
+there is a general scramble for position, and each seems to have the
+same privilege to call himself what he likes, that he exercises over
+the mere spelling of his name. I judge this to be the case from the
+anecdotes I have heard in society about the Count this, and the Baron
+that. Since papa's absence in the interior of Germany, whither he
+accompanied Mrs. Gore Hampton, to visit, I believe, some crowned head
+of her acquaintance, mamma has pursued a kind of royal progress towards
+greatness. Our style of living has been most expensive,--I might almost
+call it splendid. We have servants, horses, equipage,--everything, in
+fact, that appertains to a certain station, but one, and that one thing,
+unfortunately, is the grand requisite of all,--the air that belongs to
+it. The truth is, Miss Cox, as the old lawyer one day said at dinner
+to papa, "You prove too much, Mr. Dodd." That is exactly what mamma is
+doing. She dresses magnificently for small occasions; she insists too
+eagerly upon what she deems her due; and she is far too exclusive with
+respect to those who seek her acquaintanceship. Would you believe it,
+that though I am permitted to accept the kind hospitality which I at
+this moment enjoy, it is upon the condition that neither mamma nor Mary
+Anne are to "be dragged into the mire of low intimacies;" that Mrs.
+Morris is to be "Cary's friend." Proud am I, indeed, if she will deign
+to consider me such!
+
+I must acknowledge that mamma's "Wednesdays" collected all that was high
+and distinguished at Baden. We had the old Kurfurst of something, with a
+long white moustache, and thirty orders; an archduchess with a humpback,
+and a mediatized prince with one eye. There were generals, marshals,
+ministers, envoys, and plenipos without end,--"your Highness" and "your
+Excellency" were household words round our tea-table. But I often asked
+myself, "Are not these great folk paying off in falsehood the imposition
+we are practising upon _them?_ Are they not laughing at the 'Dodds,' and
+their thousand solecisms in good breeding?" These would be very unworthy
+suspicions of mine if I did not feel convinced they were well founded;
+but more than once I have overheard chance words and phrases that have
+suffused my cheeks with "shame-red," as the Germans call it, for an hour
+after. Is it not an indignity to accept hospitality and requite it by
+ridicule? Is it not base to receive attentions, and repay them in scorn?
+
+Whether it is from feeling as I do on the subject or not, I cannot say,
+but James rarely or never appears at mamma's receptions. He is among
+what is called "a fast set;" but I always incline to think that his
+nature is not corrupted, though doubtless sullied, by the tone of
+society around us.
+
+You ask me about Mary Anne's appearance, and here I can speak without
+reserve or qualification. She is, indeed, the handsomest girl I ever
+saw; tall and well-proportioned, and with a carriage and a style about
+her that might grace a princess. A critic inclined to severity might say
+there was perhaps a slight tendency to haughtiness in the expression of
+the features, especially the mouth; the head, too, is a little, a very
+little, too much thrown back; but somehow these might be defects in
+another, and yet in her they seem to give a peculiar stamp and character
+to her beauty. All her gestures are grace itself, and her courtesy,
+save that it is a little too low, perfect. She speaks French and German
+fluently, and knows the precise title of some hundred acquaintances,
+every one of whom would be distracted if defrauded in the smallest coin
+of his rank. I need not say how superior all these gifts make her to
+your humble and unlettered correspondent. Yes, my dear Miss Cox, the
+French "irregulars" are the same puzzle to me they used to be, and
+my mind will no more carry me on to the verb at the end of the German
+sentence than will my feet bear me over fifty miles a day. I am the
+stupid Caroline of long ago, and what renders the case so hopeless is,
+with the best of dispositions to do otherwise.
+
+I am, however, improved in my painting, particularly in my use of color.
+I begin at last to recognize the merits of harmony in tint, and see how
+Nature herself always contrives to be correct. I hope you will like the
+little sketch that accompanies this; the rock in the foreground is the
+spot on which I sit at every sunset. Would that I had you beside me
+there, to counsel, to guide, and to correct me!
+
+When Captain Morris returns, I shall leave this, as Mrs. M. will not
+require my companionship any longer, although she is already planning
+twenty things we are to do then.
+
+Pray, therefore, write to me, as before, to Baden; and with my most
+affectionate regards to all who may remember me, and my dearest love to
+yourself,
+
+Believe me, yours ever,
+
+Caroline Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXX. MISS MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+
+My dearest Kitty,--It _was_ our names you saw in the "Morning Post"!
+We are "The Dodd M'Carthys." It was no use deferring the decision for
+papa's return; and, as I observed to mamma, circumstances are often
+stronger than ourselves; for, in all likelihood, Louis Napoleon would
+not have declared the Empire so soon if it were not for the "Rouges,"
+or the Orléaniste, or the others. Events, in fact, pressed us from
+behind,--go forward we must; and so, like the distinguished authority
+I have mentioned, we accepted greatness, in the shape of our present
+designation.
+
+We took the great step on Monday evening last, and issued one hundred
+and thirty-eight cards for our Wednesday at home, as Madame Dodd
+M'Carthy. Of course, I conclude the new title was amply discussed
+and criticised; but, as James remarked, the _coup d'état_ succeeded
+perfectly. He sent me three different bulletins during the day from
+"the Rooms," where he was engaged at play. The first was briefly:
+"Great excitement, and much curiosity as to the reasons. Causes
+assigned,--vague, various, and contradictory. Strict silence on my part"
+The second ran: "Funds rising rapidly,--confidence restored." The third
+was: "Victory--opposition crushed, annihilated--dynasty secure. Send a
+card at once to the Crown Prince of Dalmatia, at the 'Lion.' He is just
+come."
+
+Mamma's nervous tremors during this eventful day were dreadful. Nothing
+sustained her but a high consciousness, and some excellent curacoa.
+Every cry in the street, every chance commotion, the slightest
+assemblage, beneath our windows, she took for popular demonstrations.
+You know, my dearest Kitty, we live in really eventful times, and
+nobody can answer for how the mere populace will receive any attempts
+to recover ancient feudal privileges. I own to you, frankly, the attempt
+was a bold one. We, so to say, stemmed the foamy torrent of Democracy at
+its highest flood; but the moment was also propitious. Now or never was
+the time for nobility to raise its head again; and _we_, I am proud to
+say, have given the initiative to astonished Europe.
+
+From the hour that we took the great step, Kitty, I felt my heart rise
+with the occasion. My spirit seemed to say, "Swell to the magnitude of
+those grand proportions around you;" and I really felt myself, as it
+were, disenthralled from the narrow limits of a mere Dodd, and expanding
+to the wide realms of a M'Carthy! If you only knew the sufferings
+and heart-burnings that plebeian appellation has cost us! The hateful
+monosyllable seemed to drop down like a shell in the midst of a company;
+and often has it needed a fortnight's dinners and evening parties, in a
+new place, to overcome the horrid impression caused by the name of Dodd!
+
+Now, as it stands at present, it serves to give vigor and energy to
+the name. Dodd M'Carthy is like Gorman O'Moore, Grogan O' Dwyer, or any
+other of the patronymics of ancient Ireland.
+
+From the deep interest caused by this decisive step, I was obliged at
+once to turn to the details of our great reception to be held on
+the Wednesday following, for it was necessary that in splendor and
+distinction it should eclipse all that had preceded it. Happily for us,
+dearest Caroline was absent as well as papa; she had gone to spend a
+week with a tiresome old lady some miles away, and we were therefore
+relieved from the annoyance of that vexatious restraint imposed by the
+mere presence of those whose thoughts and ideas are never yours. I have
+already told you that she has taken up a completely mistaken line, and
+utterly destroyed any natural advantages she possessed. I told her so
+myself over and over; I reasoned and argued the question deliberately.
+"I see," said I, "your tastes are not those of high and fashionable
+society. You do not feel the instinctive fascination that comes of being
+admired by the distinguished classes. Your ambitions do not soar to
+those aristocratic regions whose atmosphere breathes of royalty. Be
+it so; there is another path open to you,--the sentimental and the
+romantic. Your hair suits it, your complexion, your figure, your style
+generally, will easily adapt themselves to the character. If not a part
+that attracts general admiration, it is one which never fails, in every
+society, to secure some favorable notice; and elder sons, educated
+either 'at home or in clergymen's families,' are constantly captured by
+its fascination." This, I must remark to you, Kitty, is perfectly true,
+and it is of great consequence frequently to have a woman that suits shy
+men, and saves them the much-dreaded exhibition of themselves by talking
+aloud. I told her all this, and I even condescended to use arguments
+derived from her own narrow views of life, by showing that it is a style
+requiring little expense in the way of dress,--ringlets and a white
+muslin "peignoir" of a morning, a broad-leaved straw hat for the
+promenade,--something, in short, of the very simplest kind, and no
+ornaments. No! my dearest Kitty, it was of no use! She is one of those
+self-opinionated girls that reason never appeals to. She coolly replied
+to me, that all this would be unreal and unnatural,--"a mere piece
+of acting," as she said, and, consequently, unworthy of her, and
+unbecoming. I repeat the very words of her reply, to show you the great
+benefits she has derived from foreign travel! Why, dearest Kitty, nobody
+is real,--nobody pretends to be real abroad; if they were to do so, they
+'d be shunned like wild beasts. What is it, I ask, that constitutes the
+very essence of high breeding? Conventional usages, forms of expression,
+courtesies, attentions, flatteries, and observances,--all stimulated,
+all put on, to please and captivate. Reject this theory, and instead
+of society, you have a mob; instead of a _salon_, you have a wild-beast
+"menagerie." Caroline says she is Irish; she might as well say she was
+Cochin-Chinese. Nobody can recognize any trait in that nationality
+but its uniform "savagery;" for I must tell you, Kitty, that Ireland
+itself--though politically deplored, pitied, and wept over, abroad--is
+encumbered by geographical doubts and difficulties like the North-West
+Passage. Many suppose it to be a town in the West of England; others
+fancy it a barren tract along the coast; and a few, whose sympathies
+are more acute for suffering nations, fancy it to be a species of penal
+settlement in an unknown latitude.
+
+If Caroline even developed the character--if she had, as the French
+say, _créé le rôle_ of an Irish girl, what with eccentricities of dress,
+manner, and Moore's melodies, something might be made of it. It admits
+of all those extravagances that are occasionally admired, and any
+amount of liberty with the male sex. Cary's reading of the part was very
+different; it was neither poetic nor pictorial; in fact, it was a
+mere vulgar piece of commonplace devotion to home and its tiresome
+associations, and a clinging attachment to whatever recalled memories
+of our former obscurity,--these "national traits" being eked out with a
+most insolent contempt for the foreigner, and a compassionate sorrow for
+the patience with which _we_ endured him.
+
+Pardon me, my dearest friend, if I weary you with this unpleasant theme;
+but I wish to satisfy your mind that if my sisterly affection be strong,
+it still does not tyrannize over my reason, and that increased powers of
+judgment, if they elevate the understanding, are frequently exercised at
+the cost of our tenderest feelings.
+
+To come back to the point whence I started, "our Wednesday"--and this,
+by the way, enables me to answer some of the questions in your last You
+ask about my admirers; you shall have the catalogue as lately revised
+and corrected, though I scarcely flatter myself that the names will
+admit of vocal repetition. First, then, there is the Neapolitan Prince
+Sierra d'Aquila Nero, whom I already mentioned to you in one of my
+letters from Brussels. In my then innocence of the Continent I thought
+him charming, so impassioned, so poetical, and so perfumed. Now, Kitty,
+I find him an intolerable old bore; he is upwards of seventy, but
+so painted, patched, and plastered as to pass off panoramically for
+five-and-forty. He affects all the habits and even the vices of young
+men. He keeps saddle-horses that he dare not ride, and hires a "chasse,"
+though he never fires a gun; and lastly, issues from his hairdresser's
+shop, at intervals, with a wig of shortened proportions, coolly alleging
+that he has just had his hair cut! When he drives out of an evening, the
+whole Allée reeks of "Bergamot," and the flutter of his handkerchief is
+a tornado in the Spice Islands. Need I say that _his_ chance is at zero?
+Count Rastuchewitsky, a Russian Pole, comes next,--at least, in order of
+seniority; a short, stern-looking man, of about fifty, with a snow-white
+beard and moustache, with abrupt manners, and an unpleasant voice. I
+believe that he only pays me any attention because he sees the Prince do
+so, for he hates all Italians, and tries to thwart them in everything.
+The Count's great claim to distinction rests upon his father, or mother,
+I forget which, having helped to assassinate the Emperor Paul,--a piece
+of chivalry that he dwells on unceasingly.
+
+The Chevalier de Courcelles makes "No. Three," and thirty years ago he
+might have been very presentable; but he belongs to a school even older
+than his time. He is of the Richelieu order, and seems to be always in
+a terrible fright about the effect of his own powers of fascination: his
+constant effort being to show you that he really is not fond of
+making victims. There is a German Graf von Herren-shausen, a large,
+yellow-bearded, blear-eyed monster, with a frogged coat and a huge
+pipe-stick projecting from the hind pock et, who kisses my hand whenever
+we meet, and leers at me from the whist-table--for, happily, he is past
+dancing--like a Ghoul in an Eastern tale. There are a vast number of
+others, one or two of whom I reserve for favorable mention hereafter;
+but these are the true "prétendants," of which number, I believe, I
+might select the one which pleases me best.
+
+Amongst "home productions," as you term them, I may mention the
+Honorable Sackville Cavendish,--a thin, pale, white-eyebrowed babe of
+diplomacy, that smallest of Foreign Office infants yclept an "unpaid
+attaché." He has just emerged from the "nursery" at Downing Street,
+and is really not strong enough to go alone. I have supported him in
+an occasional polka, and "hustled him," as James called it, through a
+waltz, and have in turn received the meed of his admiration as expressed
+in the most lacklustre eyes that ever glittered out of a doll's head;
+and, lastly, there is Mister Milo Blake O'Dwyer, who formerly--O'Connell
+régnante--represented the town of Tralee in Parliament, and who now,
+with altered fortunes, performs the duty of Foreign Correspondent to
+that great news-paper, "The Sledge Hammer op Freedom."
+
+Perhaps I 'm not strictly correct in enrolling him amongst the number of
+my worshippers; with more rigid justice, I believe he belongs to mamma;
+at least he's in constant attendance upon her, and continually assures
+me, with upturned eyes and a smack of the lip, that she is a "gorgeous
+woman," and "wonderfully preserved!" This worthy individual is really
+a curiosity; since being in manner, exterior, knowledge, and fortune
+totally deficient of all those aids which achieve success in society,
+he has actually contrived, by the bare force of impudence, to move with,
+and be received by, persons in the very first ranks. Foreigners, I must
+tell you, Kitty, conceive the most ridiculous notions of England; one of
+the most popular of which is that more than one-half of our government
+is carried on by newspaper writing, the minister contributing his
+sentiments one day, some individual of the public replying the next.
+Now, the illustrious Milo takes every opportunity of propping up this
+fallacy, while he represents himself as the very bone and sinew of all
+English opinion on the Continent. To believe him, no foreign prince or
+potentate could raise a sixpence on loan till he subscribes the scheme.
+How many an appropriation of territory have his warnings arrested? From
+what cruelties has he saved the Poles? What a crisis did his pen achieve
+in the fortunes of Hungary! And then the bushels of diamond snuff-boxes
+that he has thrown from him with disgust, the heaps of orders that he
+has rejected with proud scorn! As he says himself, "Haven't I more power
+than them all? When I send off my article to the 'Sledge,' don't I see
+them trembling and shaking for what's coming? Ay, says I to myself,
+haughty enough you look to-day, but won't I expose your Majesty, won't I
+lay bare the cruelties of your prisons and the infamy of your spies! And
+your Eminence, too, how silky you are; but I know you well, and I 've a
+copy of the last rescript you sent over to Ireland! Don't be afraid, my
+little darling; never mind the puppies that hissed you at Parma, I 'll
+make your fortune in London. A word from me to Lumley, and it's as good
+as five thousand pounds in the bank!"
+
+It really gives me a great notion of the glut of genius that we possess
+in England, when you see a man whose qualifications are great in war
+and peace; whose knowledge ranges over the world of politics, religion,
+literature, fine arts, and the drama; who knows mankind to perfection,
+and understands statecraft to a miracle, with no higher nor prouder
+position than that of writing for the "Sledge." It is but fair to own
+that he has been of great service to us here. The hardest thing to find
+in the world is some person of pushing habits and impudent address,
+who will speak of you at all times and in all companies, doing for
+you, socially, what, in the world of trade, is accomplished by huge
+advertisements and red-lettered placards. Now, one really cannot stick
+up on the walls great announcements of "unrivalled attraction," the
+"positively last night but one" of Mrs. Dodd's great _soirées_ and so
+on, but you can come pretty nigh the same result by a little tact and
+management. A few insignificant commissions about camellias, a change of
+arrangement about the fiddles, intrusted to him, and Milo was prepared
+to go forth, trumpet in hand, for us, from day to dark. Woe to the
+luckless wight that hadn't got a card for our "Evening"! the obligation
+Milo would place him under was a bond debt for life. Then he contrived
+to know everybody; and though he made sad hash of their names, they only
+smiled at his blunders.
+
+I have heard that a great English minister one day confessed that the
+only exaction of office he never could thoroughly reconcile himself to,
+was the nature of those persons he was occasionally obliged to employ
+as subordinates. I suppose that, without being leader of a cabinet,
+everybody must have experienced something or other of this kind in life.
+
+I think I hear you ask, "Where is the Ritter von Wolfensbafer all this
+time? What has become of _him?_" you say. You really are very tiresome,
+dearest Kitty, with your little poisonous allusions to "old loves,"
+former attachments, and so on. As to the Ritter, however, I heard from
+him yesterday; he cannot, it seems, come to Baden; his father is not
+on terms with the Grand-Duke, and he strictly charges me not to mention
+their names to any one. His letter repeats the invitation to us all to
+spend some weeks at the "Schloss,"--an arrangement which might, very
+possibly, suit our plans well, since, when the season ends here, it is
+still too early to go into winter quarters; and one is sorely puzzled
+what to do with the late autumn, which is as wearisome as the time one
+passes in the drawing-room before dinner. Of course we must await pa's
+return, to reply to this invitation; and I incline to say we shall
+accept it. Why will you be so silly as to remind me of the follies of my
+childhood? Are there no naughtinesses of the nursery you can rake up to
+record? You know as well, if not better than myself, that the attentions
+you allude to could never have been seriously meant! nor could Dr. B.
+believe them such, if not totally deficient in those qualities of good
+sense and judgment for which I always have given him credit. I will not
+say that, in the artless gayety of infancy, I have not amused myself
+with the mock devotion he proffered; but you might as well reproach
+me with fickleness for not taking a child's interest any longer in the
+nursery games that once delighted me, as for not sustaining my share in
+this absurd illusion!
+
+I plainly perceive one thing, Kitty,--the gentleman in question has very
+little pride; but even _that_ in your eyes, may be an excellence,
+for you have discovered innumerable merits in his character under
+circumstances which, I am constrained to own, have failed to impress me
+with a suitable degree of interest. The subject is so very unpleasant,
+however, that I must beg it may never be reopened between us; and if you
+really feel for him so acutely as you say, I can only suggest that you
+should hit upon some plan of consolation perfectly independent of any
+aid from your attached friend,
+
+Mary Anne.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXXI. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+
+My dearest Kitty,--Another delay, and more "last words"! I had thought
+that my poor epistle was already miles on the way towards you, wafted
+by the sighs of my heaving heart, but I now discover that Mr. Cavendish
+will not send off his bag to the Foreign Office before Saturday, as the
+Grand-Duke wants to send over some guinea-pigs to the royal children, so
+that I shall detain this till that day, and perhaps be able to tell
+you of a great "picnic" we are planning to the Castle of Eberstein
+for Thursday next. It is one of the things everybody does here, and
+of course we must not omit it. James talks of the expense as terrific,
+which really comes with an ill grace from one who wagers fifty, or even
+sixty, Napoleons on a card! Besides, a "picnic" is an association, and
+the whole cost cannot fall to the share of an individual. The Great Milo
+begs that we will leave everything to him, and I feel assured that it is
+the wisest course we can adopt, not to speak of the advantage of seeing
+the whole festivity glowingly described in the columns of the "Sledge."
+The Princess Sloboffsky has just driven to the door, so I must conclude
+for the present. I come back to say that the picnic is fixed for
+Thursday, the number to be, by special request of the Princess, limited
+to forty,--the list to be made out this evening. "Mammas" to go in open
+carriages,--young ladies horseback or ass-back,--men indiscriminately;
+no more at present decided on. I am wild with delight at the pleasure
+before us. Would you were one of us, dearest Kitty!
+
+Thursday Morning. Oh, Kitty, what a day! It might be December in London.
+The rain is swooping down the mountain sides, and the wind howling
+fearfully. It is now seven o'clock, and my maid, Augustine, has called
+me to get up and dress. Mamma has had two notes already, which, being in
+French, she is waiting for me to read and reply to. I 'll hasten to see
+what they mean.
+
+One of the "billets" is from the Duchesse de Sargance, merely asking the
+question, "Que faire?" The other is from the Princess Sloboffsky, who,
+in consideration "for all the trouble mamma has been put to," deems
+it better to go at all events, and that we can dine at the Grand-Ducal
+Schloss, instead of on the grass. This reads ominously in one sense,
+Kitty, and seems to imply that _we_ are giving the entertainment
+ourselves; but I must keep this suspicion to myself, or we should have
+a terrible exposure. When an evil becomes inevitable, patient submission
+is the true philosophy.
+
+Ten o'clock. What an animated, I might almost call it a stormy, debate
+we have just had in the drawing-room! The assembled lieges have been all
+discussing the proposed excursion,--if that can be called discussion,
+where everybody screamed out his own opinion, and nobody listened to his
+neighbor. The two parties for and against going divided themselves into
+the two sexes,--the men being for staying where we are, the ladies as
+clamorously declaring for the road. Of course the "Ayes" had it, and we
+are now putting the whole house in requisition for cloaks, mantles, and
+mackintoshes. The half-dozen men for whom no place can be made in coach
+or "calèche" are furious at having to ride. I half suspect that some
+attachments whose fidelity has hitherto defied time and years, will
+yield to-day before the influence of mere water. The truth is, Kitty,
+foreigners dread it in every shape. They mix a little of it now and then
+with their wine, and they rather like to see it in fountains and "jets
+d'eau," but there ends all the acquaintance they ever desire to maintain
+with the pure element.
+
+I must confess that the aspect of the "outsiders" is suggestive
+of anything rather than amusement. They stand to be muffled and
+waterproofed like men who, having resigned themselves to an inevitable
+fate, have lost all interest in the preliminaries that conduct to it.
+They are, as it were, bound for the scaffold, and they have no care for
+the shape of the "hurdle" that is to draw them thither. The others, who
+have secured inside places, are overwhelmingly civil, and profuse in all
+the little attentions that cost nothing, nor exact any sacrifice. I have
+seen no small share of national character this morning, and if I had
+time could let you into some secrets about it.
+
+The arrangement of the company--that is, who is to go with whom--is
+our next difficulty. There are such intricacies of family history, such
+subtle questions of propriety to be solved, we 'd not get away under
+a year were we to enter upon half of them. As a general rule, however,
+ladies ought not to be packed up in the same coach with the husbands
+from whom they have been for years separated, nor people with deadly
+feuds between them to be placed _vis-à-vis_. As to the attractive
+principles, the cohesionary elements, Kitty, are more puzzling still,
+since none but the parties themselves know where the minds are simulated
+and where real.
+
+Milo has taken a great part of this arrangement upon his own hands, and,
+from what I can see, with his accustomed want of success in all
+matters of tact and delicacy. Of this, however, he is most beautifully
+unconscious, and goes about in the midst of muttered execrations with
+the implicit belief of being a benefactor of the human race. I wish you
+could see the self-satisfied chuckle of his greasy laugh, or could hear
+his mumbled "Maybe I don't know what ye 'r after, my old lady. Have
+n't I put the little Count with the green spectacles next you; don't I
+understand the cross looks ye 'r giving me? Ah, Mademoiselle, never fear
+me, I have in my eye for you,--a wink is enough for Milo Blake any day.
+Yes, my darling, I 'm looking for him this minute." These and such-like
+mutterings will show you the spirit of his ministering; and when I
+repeat that he makes nothing but blunders, you may picture to yourself
+the man. He has appointed himself on mamma's staff; and as I go with
+the Princess and the Count Boldourouki, I shall see no more of him for a
+while.
+
+It is quite clear, Kitty, that we are the entertainers, though how it
+came to be so, I cannot even guess. Some blunder, I suspect, of this
+detestable Milo; and James will do nothing whatever. He is still in bed,
+and, to all my entreaties to get up, merely says that he'll be with
+us at dinner. The hampers of proggery will fill two carriages, and
+a charette with the champagne in ice is already sent forward. Three
+cooks--for such, I am told, are three gentlemen in black coats and
+white neckcloths--are to accompany us; and the whole preparations are
+evidently got up in the "very first style," and "totally regardless of
+expense."
+
+Twelve o'clock. Another dilemma. There is only one "bus" in the town;
+and as none of the band will sit outside in this terrible weather, what
+is to be done? Milo proposes billeting them, singly, here and there,
+through the carriages; but the bare mention has excited a rebellion
+amongst the equestrians, who will not consent to be treated worse than
+the fiddlers! The Commissary of Police has just sent to know if we have
+obtained "a ministerial permission to assemble in vast numbers and for
+objects unnamed." I have got one of the German nobles to settle this
+difficulty, which, in Milo's hands,--if he only heard of it,--might
+become formidable.
+
+Happily, he is now engaged "telling off" the band, and selecting from
+the number such as we can find room to accommodate. The permission has
+been accorded, the carriages are drawing up, the guests are taking their
+seats, we are ready,--we are off.
+
+Saturday Morning. Dearest Kitty,--Mr. Cavendish has just sent me word
+that the courier will start in half an hour, so that I have only time
+for a few lines. Gloomily as the day broke yesterday, its setting at
+evening was infinitely sadder and more sorrowful. Never did a prospect
+of pleasure prove more delusive; never did a scene of enjoyment
+terminate more miserably.
+
+Tears of anguish, of passion, and of shame blot my words as I write
+them. You must not ask me to describe the course of events, when my
+mind has but room for the sad catastrophe that closed them; but in a few
+brief lines I will endeavor to convey to you what occurred.
+
+Our journey to Eberstein, from being all up hill and over roads terribly
+cut up by the weather, was a slow process. The procession, some of the
+riders remarked, had a most funereal look, winding along up the zig-zags
+of the mountain, and on a day which assuredly suggested few thoughts of
+pleasure. I can only answer for my own companions; but they, I am bound
+to say, were in the very worst of tempers the whole way, discussing the
+whole plot of the excursion with--considering mamma's share in it--a
+far greater degree of candor than politeness. They ridiculed picnics in
+general; pronounced them vulgar, tiresome, and usually "failures." They
+insinuated that they were the resources of people who felt more at ease
+in the semi-civilized scramble of a country party than amid the more
+correct courtesies of daily life! As to the "dîner sur l'herbe" itself,
+it was a shocking travesty of a real dinner. Spiders and cockroaches
+settled in your soup, black beetles bathed in your champagne, wasps
+contested your fruit with you, and you were lucky if you did not carry
+back a scorpion or a snake in your pocket. Then the company came in for
+its share of comment. So many people crept in that nobody knew, nobody
+acknowledged, and apparently nobody had invited. You always, they
+said, found that all your objectionable acquaintances dated from these
+parties. Lastly, they were excursions which no weather suited, no toilet
+became! If it were hot, the sufferings of sun-scorching and mosquitoes
+were insufferable. If it proved bad and rainy, they were in the sad
+situation of that very moment! As to dress, who could fix upon a costume
+to be becoming in the morning, graceful in the afternoon, and fresh and
+radiant at night? In a word, Kitty, they said so much, and so forcibly,
+that nothing but great constraint upon my feelings saved me from asking,
+"Why, in Heaven's name, could they have consented to come upon
+an excursion every detail of which was a sorrow, and every step a
+suffering?"
+
+No other theme, however, divided attention with this calamitous one;
+and as we toiled languidly up the mountain-side, you can fancy with what
+pleasant feelings the way was beguiled.
+
+At last we reached the castle; but fresh disappointment here awaited us.
+Although parties were admitted to see the Schloss and the grounds, they
+could not obtain leave to dine anywhere within the precincts. We begged
+hard for a room in the porter's lodge, the laundry, the stable, even
+the hayloft! but all without success. We at length capitulated for a
+moss-house, where the rain came filtering down through a network of
+foliage and birds'-nests; but even this was refused. What was to be
+done? The army was now little short of mutiny; a violent debate was
+carried on from carriage windows; and strong partisans of particular
+opinions went slopping about, with tucked-up trousers and huge
+umbrellas, trying to enforce their own views! Some were for an equitable
+distribution of the eatables on the spot,--"Food Commissaries," as the
+Germans expressed it, being chosen, to allot the victuals to each coach;
+some were for a forcible entry into the castle, and an occupation by
+dint of arms; others voted for a return to Baden; and lastly, a small
+section, which gradually grew in power and persuasiveness, suggested
+that, by descending the opposite side of the mountain, we should reach a
+little inn in the Moorg Thal, much frequented by fishermen, and where we
+were sure to find shelter at least, if not something more. The "Anglers'
+Rest" was now adopted as our goal; and thither we started, with some
+slight tinge of renewed hope and pleasure.
+
+Our journey _down_ was nearly as slow as that _up_ the mountain; for
+the steep descent required the greatest caution, with heavily laden
+and jaded horses. It was, therefore, already dark when we reached
+the "Anglers' Rest." All that I could see of this "hostel," from the
+rain-streaked glasses of the carriage, was a small one-storied house,
+built over the stream of a small but rapid river. Mountains, half
+wrapped in mists, and seeming to smoke with the steam of hot rain,
+environed the spot on all sides, which probably, in fine weather, would
+have been picturesque and even pretty.
+
+"We are destined to be unlucky to-day, Princess," said a young French
+marquis, approaching, our carriage. "This miserable 'guinguette,' it
+seems, is full of people, who are by no means disposed to yield the
+place to us."
+
+"Who are they,--what are they?" asked she, in haughty astonishment at
+their contumacy.
+
+"They are, I believe, some young tradesfolk, on what is called in
+Germany the 'Wander-Jahre,'--that travelling probation that municipal
+law dictates to native handicraft."
+
+"But, surely, when they hear who we are--"
+
+"Graf Adelberger has been eloquently explaining that to them the last
+ten minutes, and the Baron von Badenschwill has told them of his
+eighteen quarterings; but though they have consented to drink his
+health, they will not abdicate the territory."
+
+Here was a pretty proof of what the years '48 and '49 had done for the
+Continent of Europe, and maybe Blum, Kossuth, Mazzini, and Co., didn't
+come in for their share! To think of creatures--shoemakers, who could
+assure us they were, might be tailors--daring to proclaim that they
+preferred their own ease and comfort to that of carriages full of
+unknown but titled individuals!
+
+"It's impossible!" "Incredible!" "Fabulous!" "Infamous!" "Monstrous!"
+were expressions screamed from carriage to carriage, while telegraphic
+signs of horror and amazement were exchanged from window to window. "Did
+they know who we were?" "Do they know who _I_ am?" were the questions
+incessantly pouring forth. Alas! they had heard it all. There was not a
+claim we could prefer to greatness that they had not before them, and,
+alas! they remained inexorable!
+
+Deputations of various nations went in, and came back baffled and
+unsuccessful. The "Burschen," as they were called, were at that very
+moment impatiently waiting for their own supper, and seemed to verify
+the adage of the ill result of arguing with hungry men. Milder and more
+practicable counsels now began to prevail amongst us, and some even of
+the most conservative hinted at compromise and accommodation. What if we
+were to share with some of the vast abundance that we had with us? What
+if we tried bribery? The "Food Commissaries" assured us that even after
+the most liberal allowance for our wants we could feed a moderately
+sized village.
+
+The proposal was therefore framed, and two Germans of high rank
+persuaded--sorely against their prejudices and inclination--to convey it
+to "Das Volk,"--the populace. It seemed as though the memorable years I
+have referred to had taught some curious lessons in popular force; for
+the demands of the masses indicated strength and power. They stipulated,
+first, that they should hold the kitchen; secondly, that the meats
+assigned them should be set before them uncut; and lastly, that none of
+our servants were to be quartered on the table. Here was the "Monarchy
+of the Middle Classes" proudly enunciated; and, I assure you, many
+excellent things were said by all of us,--not only upon the past and the
+present, but on "what we were coming to!"
+
+If I weary you with this detail, Kitty, it is that you may sympathize
+with me in the fatigue the long discussion inflicted. We were fully
+three-quarters of an hour at the door ere the treaty was concluded. Then
+came the descent from the carriages, the unpacking of the eatables, the
+unrolling of the life-mummies that were to consume them, which, wrapped
+up as they were in soaked drapery, was a long process. I shall not delay
+you with an account of the distribution of the proggery, but content
+myself with stating that the two deputies accredited by the "Trades'"
+union to receive their share, acknowledged that we behaved not only
+well, but with munificence; since not only did we bestow upon them the
+grosser material of a meal, but many of the higher refinements of a
+great entertainment; in particular, a large game pasty, representing a
+feudal fortress, with a flag waving over it, on which the enthusiastic
+cook had inscribed the words, "Hoch Lebe die Dodd," or "the Dodd
+forever." It was a vulgar dish, Kitty, and by my own special diplomacy
+was it consigned to the second table.
+
+At length we were seated at table, but only for new disappointment.
+Milo, in telling off the band, had made the irreparable blunder of
+leaving all the flute, clarionet, and horn players behind; and there
+we were, with kettle-drums, trombones, and ophocleides enough to have
+stunned a garrison. They could beat a "générale," it is true, but there
+ended their orchestral powers. This stupid mistake, however, gave room
+for laughter, and, in spite of our annoyance, we laughed at it long and
+heartily.
+
+I am spared the painful task of recording the catastrophe of our story,
+by a message from Mr. Cavendish, to say that the courier is starting.
+Indeed, his carriage is now at the door, and I must say, Kitty, that
+the handsomest men in our diplomacy are the Mercuries. They dress
+so becomingly too,--something between a hussar and Lord Byron; their
+pelisses of rich furs, their slashed frocks, and Polish caps harmonizing
+beautifully with their mingled air of intrepidity and gentleness.
+
+Mr. Dudley Vignerton, who takes this, is remarkably
+good-looking,--something of George Canning, with a dash of Count
+d'Orsay. I wish, however, he would let me finish these few lines
+in peace, for he keeps on complimenting me about my hair, and my
+handwriting, and I don't know what besides. He offers also to bring me
+shoes from Paris, for really Germany is too bad!
+
+He is a strange man, Kitty, and I regret not to see more of him;
+he looks at once so bland and so determined. He tells me that the
+adventurous nature of the life he leads makes a man at once daring and
+enduring,--about equal parts lamb and lion. Don't you wish to see him?
+Yours, in great haste,
+
+M. A. D.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXXII. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQ., TRINITY COLLEGE,
+DUBLIN.
+
+"The Fox," Lichtenthal.
+
+My dear Bob,--I promised to give you the earliest intelligence of the
+governor's return; and this is to inform you that the agreeable incident
+in question occurred on Wednesday last, accompanied, however, by
+circumstances which I must call "atténuantes," that is to say,
+considerably impairing the felicitous character of the event We--that
+is, the Dodd M'Carthy portion of the family, for so we had already
+constituted ourselves--had organized a most stunning picnic; one of
+those entertainments which are the great facts of the season, just as
+certain battles are the grand incidents of a campaign: we had secured
+everything that Baden contained of company and _cuisine_, and we did not
+leave a turkey, a truffle, nor a titled individual in the whole village.
+
+La Mère Dodd had, in fact, resolved on one of those great _coups de
+tête_, which, in the social as in the political world, are needed to
+terminate a difficult position, and, as the journalists say in France,
+"legitimize the situation." How I love a phrase that permits one to
+escape the pettiness of a personal detail by some grand and sweeping
+generality!
+
+The picnic is to the fashionable world what a general election is in
+that of politics. It is a brief orgie, in which each condescends to
+acquaintanceship, or even intimacy, without in the slightest degree
+pledging himself to future consequences. You, as it were, pass out of
+the conventional limit of ordinary life, and take a "day rule" for
+indiscretions. The natural consequence is that people will come to you
+in this way that no efforts could seduce into your house; and the great
+lady, who would scorn your attentions on a Turkey carpet, will suffer
+you to carve her chicken, and fill her champagne glass, when seated on
+the grass. "Oh! I don't know him. I saw him somewhere,--on a steamer, or
+at a picnic, perhaps." This spoken, with a stare of ineffable unconcern,
+is the extent of the recognition accorded to you after. At first, when
+you call to mind the way you struggled to get her sherry, how you fought
+for the lobster, and descended to actual meanness for the mustard,
+you are disposed to fancy yourself the most injured, and her the most
+ingrate of mankind; but you soon learn to perceive that this is the law
+of these cases, and that you are not worse treated than your fellows.
+
+I leave you to conjecture why we deemed a picnic an essential stroke of
+policy. I assure you it was a question well and maturely discussed
+in our cabinet We knew it to be a measure from which there was no
+retreating when once entered upon; we also knew that the governor's
+return would utterly render such a course impossible. It was now or
+never with us. Would that it had been never! But to proceed. Everything,
+even from the start, promised badly; the day broke in torrents of rain;
+it was like one of those days of Irish picnic at the "Dargle," where a
+drowned family squat under a hedge to eat soaked sandwiches. We set
+out, in bad humor, determined to "take our pleasure excursion" under
+difficulties; a proceeding about as sensible as that of a man who,
+having sprained his ankle on his way to a ball, still insists upon
+waltzing. At Eberstein, where we had purposed to dine, they would not
+admit us. It is a royal residence, and although usually there was no
+permission necessary for parties wishing to pass the day there, an order
+from the court had closed the castle against all picnicaries,--a
+fact not made more palatable to us by the information that it was the
+misconduct of some interesting individuals of the family of the Simkins,
+the Popkins, or the Perkins, which had provoked the edict in question.
+And here I must say, Bob,--and I say it in deep sorrow,--that we are
+either grossly calumniated abroad, or else very grievous faults attach
+to us, since every scratched picture, every noseless statue, every
+chipped relic, and every flawed marble is sure of being assigned to the
+work of English fingers. I repeat, I have no means of knowing if the
+accusation be wrongful or not; at all events, I conclude it to be
+greatly exaggerated beyond truth. If scratching and mutilating, "the
+chalking and maiming acts" against works of art, be popular practices of
+travellers generally, it follows that, as we English supply a very large
+majority of the earth's vagabonds, a vast number of these offences must
+fall to our share; but I sincerely hope we do not deserve our wholesale
+reputation, nor possess any exclusive patent for barbarism. I argue the
+point as the priest used to do at home about Catholics and Protestants,
+when he triumphantly asked, "Why white-faced sheep eat more than
+black-faced:" and having puzzled us all, answered, "Because there are
+more of them!" And that's the reason the English commit more breaches of
+decorum than their neighbors. Rely upon it, Bob, the simple illustration
+is very widely applicable; and whenever you hear of our derelictions
+abroad, please to remember it.
+
+As we could not gain admittance to Eberstein, it became a grand subject
+of debate what to do. The prudent said, "Go back." Is it not strange,
+Bob? but there is an almost stereotyped uniformity in wise counsellors,
+and that whenever a difficulty arises in life, they all cry out, "Go
+back!" I conclude that this is the whole secret of the Tory party, and
+that all the reputation they have acquired of "safe," "prudent," and
+so forth, has no other basis than this simple maxim. Upon the present
+occasion, "the Progresistas" carried the day,--we went on!
+
+A little wayside inn--the resort of a few summer visitors--was to be our
+destination; but when we arrived there, it was to find the house crammed
+with a most motley rabble,--a set of those wandering artisans which,
+from some singular notion of her own upon the virtues of vagabondism,
+Germany sends forth broadcast over her whole land; the law requiring
+that each tradesman should travel for a year, or, in some states, two
+years, before he can obtain permission from the municipality of his own
+town to reside at home. Now, as these individuals are rarely or never
+persons of independent fortune, but rather of scanty and precarious
+means, the "Wander-Jahre," as the year of travel is called, is usually
+a series of events vibrating between roguery and begging, and at all
+events little conducive to those habits of orderly, patient industry
+which, in England at least, are deemed the highest qualities of a
+laboring man.
+
+Wherever you travel in Germany you are certain to find droves of these
+people on the road, their heavy knapsacks covered with an undressed
+calf-skin, and usually decorated at either extremity by a Wellington
+boot, "pendant," but not "proper," their long pipes and longer beards,
+their well-tuned voices,--for they always sing,--and, lastly, their
+unblushing appeals to your charity, proclaim them to be "Lehre-Junge,"
+or apprentices. But you must not fall into the absurd mistake of one
+of our well-known English writers on Germany, who has called them
+travelling students, and thereupon moralized long and learnedly on
+the poverty of life and the cheapness of education in that country.
+Occasionally, it is true, a student of the very humblest class will
+associate himself with the "youths;" but even he will be the exception,
+and the university to which he belongs one of the very lowest in rank.
+I should ask your forgiveness for this long and wide digression, my dear
+Bob, were it not that I know that whenever I speak of matters which are
+new and unfamiliar to you, I am at least as interesting as by any purely
+personal history. You would like to hear a thousand traits of foreign
+life and manners, far better than I am capable of communicating them.
+
+Our inn, as I have said, was full of these "gents," and no persuasion
+of ours, no threats, nor any flatteries, could induce them to vacate the
+territory in our favor. In fact, they presumed to reason upon the case,
+on the absurd presumption that rain would wet and wind chill them, and
+positively resisted all our assurances to the contrary.
+
+We ended by a compromise; they gave us the parlor, and retired to the
+kitchen, we purchasing the concession by sundry articles of consumption,
+such as fowls, ham, preserves, and a pasty, to be by them devoured as
+their own proper and peculiar prog. The selection, which was made by a
+special commission named by both sides, was rather an amusing process,
+though probably prolonged a little beyond the limits of ordinary
+patience. At length the treaty was concluded, the price paid, the
+territory evacuated, and we sat down ourselves to table, I will not
+say in the very happiest of humors, for throughout the whole of the
+negotiation our pride and self-esteem were at each moment receiving the
+very rudest buffets, princes, dukes, counts, and barons as we were! It
+was a sore lesson we were acquiring; and as a great man of our party
+remarked, "The canaille had apparently been taught little or nothing
+by the last two years,"--a fact not so difficult to entertain when one
+remembers that those whose education is conducted by grape and musketry
+are seldom left to evidence the advantages of the system, and the
+survivors are the "naughty boys who have learned nothing."
+
+Our first disappointment was rather a laughable one, though certes in
+itself a bore. In the hurry of leaving Baden, a selection of the town
+band of musicians was made, as we had not carriage-room for the whole;
+but by ill-luck it was the rejected we had taken, and there we were
+with drums, cymbals, trombones, and an ophocleide, but not a flute,
+flageolet, or a French horn! You may fancy the attempt to perform the
+overture to "William Tell" with such appliances. Crash after crash it
+went, drowned in our own uproarious laughter, or louder cries of horror
+and disgust. We had scarcely rallied, some from the amusement, others
+from the annoyance produced by this event, when a tremendous uproar
+outside the door attracted our attention. It sounded like an attempt
+being made to establish a forcible entry into our apartment, and
+vigorous resistance offered. So it proved, by the account of certain
+wounded and disabled who fell back to tell us of the affray. "The
+Trades" were in reality in open insurrection, and marching upon us,
+"headed," as the trombone said, "by a stout, elderly man of savage
+appearance." To organize a resistance would have been impossible, with
+countesses fainting on every side, duchesses in hysterics. The men of
+our party, too, avowed that without an armory of guns, pistols, and
+cutlasses they were powerless. As to smashing up a chair, or seizing
+a table-leg, they had no idea of it; so that I saw myself the only
+combatant in a room full of people, who, by way of fitting me for my
+task, threw themselves around my neck and on my back in a fashion far
+more flattering than favorable.
+
+By great exertions I wrested myself free from my "backers," and,
+bounding over the table with a formidable old tongs in my hand, I
+reached the door just as it gave way to the assaulting party, and came
+flat down off the hinges, discovering the forlorn hope of the enemy
+led on by--oh, shame and disgrace ineffable!--no other than my father
+himself! There he was, Bob, without his coat, with a large saucepan
+in one hand for a shield, and a kitchen cleaver in the other. He
+vociferously cheered on his followers to the breach. I own to you
+that, what with his patched and poor attire, his long beard, and his
+moustaches, I scarcely knew him. His voice, however, there was no
+mistaking; and, at the first word he uttered, I grounded my arms in
+surrender.
+
+It turned out that some infernal device in pastry had communicated to
+him the intelligence that it was Mrs. D. was the entertainer of the
+gorgeous company, the crumbs from whose sumptuous table he and his
+friends were then consuming. Maddened with the indignity of _his_
+position, and outraged at _her_ extravagance, he tossed off two tumblers
+of sherry to give him courage, and cried out to his partisans "to
+charge!" I have often heard that no description can convey even the
+faintest notion of the horrors of a town taken by assault. I now
+believed it. For the same good reason, you will not expect of me to
+portray what I own to be beyond my pictorial powers. I can, it is true,
+give you the ingredients, as Lord Macartney did those of a plum-pudding
+to the Chinese cook, but you must yourself know how to mingle and
+combine them. Take thirty ladies of various ages, from sixteen to sixty,
+and of all nations of Europe, with gents to match; throw them into
+strong convulsions of fright, horror, fun, or laughter, amidst smashed
+crockery, broken glass, upset viands, and drinkables; beat them up with
+some ten or twelve travellers of unwashed appearance, neither civil of
+speech nor ceremonious in conduct; dash the mixture with Dodd père in
+a state of frenzied passion, to which he gave short and _per saltum_
+utterance in such phrases as "Spitzbuben!" "Coquins!" "Canaille!"
+"Scoundrels!" "Gueux!" "Blackguards!" &c,--a vocabulary that, even
+without a labored context, seemed sufficiently intelligible. The company
+took Lady Macbeth's hint; they did n't stand upon the order of their
+going, "they went at once." I do not believe that a party ever separated
+with greater despatch and less useless ceremony. A few of the "greatly
+overcome" were, indeed, led out between friends, "unconscious;" but the
+mass fled with a laudable precipitancy, leaving the field to my father
+and the rest of the Dodd family,--a group, I beg to say, that nothing
+but a painter could properly render. That it may one day be thought
+worthy of a fresco, let me record it.
+
+Foreground, and principal figure, Dodd père, seated Marius-like
+amidst the ruins, cravat in one hand, turban of a spoiled countess
+inadvertently grasped in the other; countenance strongly marked with
+intense perplexity, a kind of universal doubt of everything; prevailing
+impression of the figure, power, but power weakened by incredulity.
+
+[Illustration: 436]
+
+Middle distance, Mary Anne Dodd, dishevelled and weeping, gracefully
+draped, and the attitude well chosen.
+
+Extreme distance, Dodd mère, seated on the floor, with a student's cap
+stuck on over her own toque, evidently horror-struck and unconscious, as
+seen by the wild stare of her eyes, and the half-open lips. Dodd
+fils, dimly detected in the shadow of left foreground, mixing
+brandy-and-water.
+
+There's the tableau; the smaller details are, a universal smashery,
+with occasional vestiges of that part of the creation consigned to
+hairdressers, tailors, and milliners, of which the ground displays
+various curious specimens, in scalps, fronts, ringlets, and tufts,
+scraps of lace, tuckers, and trinkets, with skirts of coats, cravats,
+and a false calf! Had these been all that the company left behind them,
+Bob, it might have been bearable; but, alas! they had bequeathed to
+us other relics,--their contempt, their very lowest contempt. Even my
+father's French was intelligible enough to show what he claimed,
+and what we could not deny him, to be. You can fancy, therefore, the
+impression they must have conceived of us!
+
+One of the worst features of this unlucky occurrence was that
+it happened at Baden. Baden is, so to say, one of those great
+banking-houses at which a note is sure to be presented at some period or
+other of its circulation, and here we were now,--declared a "forgery,"
+pronounced "not negotiable."
+
+These were the bitter thoughts which each of us had now to revolve in
+secret, tormenting our several ingenuities to find a remedy for the
+evil. The governor was apparently the first of us to rally, for
+he turned round at last to the table, cleared a small spot for his
+operations at a corner, helped himself to some of a game pie, and began
+to eat like one who had not relished such delicacies for some time back.
+
+"May I give you a glass of champagne, sir?" said I, seeing that he was
+"going in" with an air of determination.
+
+"With all my heart," responded he; "but I think you might as well open
+a fresh bottle." I did so, Bob, and followed it by another, of which I
+partook also.
+
+"There are some excellent fellows out there in the kitchen," said
+the governor. "There is a little lame tailor from Anspach, and an
+ivory-turner from the town of Lindau, both as agreeable companions as
+ever I journeyed with. Take them out that pie, James, and let the waiter
+fetch them half a dozen bottles of this red wine. Pay Jacob--he 's the
+tailor--four florins that I borrowed from him; and beg of Herman, a
+little Jewish rogue, with an Astracan cap, to keep my tobacco-bag, out
+of remembrance of me. Tell the assembled company that I 'll see them all
+by and by, for at present I have some family affairs to look after. Be
+civil and courteous with them, James, they all have been so to me; and
+if you 'll sit down at the table for half an hour, and converse with
+them, take my word for it, boy, you 'll not rise to go away without
+being both wiser and humbler."
+
+I set about my mission with a willing heart. I was glad to do anything
+which should give the governor even a momentary satisfaction; and I
+was well pleased, also, to mark the calm, dispassionate tone of his
+language.
+
+The "Lehr-Jungen" received me with a most respectful courtesy, in which,
+however, there was not the very slightest taint of subserviency
+or meanness. They showed me that they really felt kindly, and even
+affectionately, towards my father, who had been their companion for
+the last nine days on foot. They enjoyed in a high degree the dry humor
+which he possesses, and they relished his remarks on the country, and
+the people, through which they travelled, savoring as they did of a
+caustic shrewdness perfectly new to them. In fact, I soon saw that his
+frank temperament, enriched by that native quaintness every Irishman
+has his share of, had made him a prime favorite with them, and they were
+equally disposed to be flattered by his acquaintanceship as attached to
+himself. I sat with them till past midnight. Indeed, when I heard that
+our family had ordered bedrooms and retired for the night, I was not
+sorry to dissipate my cares, even in much humbler society than I had
+left home to foregather with.
+
+It is not necessary I should make any confession to you of my unlettered
+ignorance, nor own how deplorably deficient I am in every branch of
+knowledge or acquirement. I was a stupid schoolboy, and an idle one,
+and the result is not very difficult to imagine; and yet, with all these
+disadvantages, I have a lazy man's craving for information, if I only
+could obtain it easily. I 'd like to be cured, if the doctor would only
+make the physic palatable. Now, will you believe me, Bob, when I say
+that these poor travelling tradesfolk, patched and threadbare as they
+were, talked upon subjects of a very high character, and discussed them,
+too, with a shrewdness and propriety perfectly astonishing? I had been
+living in Germany for some six or eight months, and yet now, for the
+first time, did I hear mention made of the popular literature of the
+day,--who were the writers most in vogue, and what modifications public
+taste was undergoing, and how the mystical and the imaginative were
+giving way before a practical common-sense and commonplace spirit
+more adapted to the exigencies of our age. This, I must observe, they
+entirely ascribed to the influence of England, which they described as
+being paramount on the Continent since the peace. Not alone that the
+vast hordes of our nation flooded every land of Europe, but that our
+mechanical arts, our inventions, and our literature pervaded every nook
+and crevice of the Continent.
+
+As the tailor said, "It is not alone that we conform to your notions in
+dress, and endeavor to make our coats loose and square-skirted, to look
+English, but there is an Anglomania in all things, even where we will
+not confess it. Our novelists, too, have followed the fashion, and
+instead of those dreamy conceptions, where the possible and impossible
+were always in conflict, we have now domestic stories, ay, even before
+we have domesticity itself."
+
+I do not quote my friend Jacob for anything remarkable in the sentiment
+itself, though I believe it to be just and true; but to show the general
+tone of a conversation maintained for hours by a set of poor artisans,
+not one of whom would not be well contented could he earn a shilling a
+day.
+
+Perhaps you will ask me, if, in their several trades, these fellows were
+the equals of our own? In all probability they were not. The likelihood
+is, they were greatly inferior, as in every detail of the useful and the
+practical Germany is far behind us; but it is strange to speculate on
+what such a people may or might become, if their institutions should
+ever conform to the development of their natural intelligence. This,
+again, is the tailor's remark,--and I could "cabbage" from him for hours
+together.
+
+I thought a hundred times of _you_, Bob. How _you_ would have enjoyed
+this strange fraternity. What amusement--not to say something better
+and higher--you would have abstracted from them. What traits of native
+humor,--what studies of character! As for _me_, much, by far the greater
+part, was lost upon me for want of previous knowledge of the subjects
+they discussed. Of the kingdoms whose politics they canvassed I scarcely
+knew the names; of the books, I had not even heard the titles! I have no
+doubt many of their opinions were incorrect; much of what they uttered
+might have been illogical or inaccurate; but making a wide allowance for
+this, I was struck by the general acuteness of their remarks, and the
+tone of moderation and forbearance that characterized all they said.
+
+This brief intercourse has at least taught me one thing,--which is not
+to look down with any depreciating pity on the troops of these wayfarers
+we pass on the road, still less to ridicule their absurd appearance, or
+make a jest of their varied costume. I now know that amidst those motley
+figures are men of shrewd intelligence and cultivated minds, content to
+follow the very humblest callings, and quite satisfied if their share of
+this world's good things never rises higher than black bread and a cup
+of sour wine. I should like greatly to see something more of the gypsy
+life they lead, and if ever the opportunity offer, shall certainly not
+suffer it to escape me.
+
+We left the inn of the Moorg Thal at daybreak, my mother and Mary Anne
+in one carriage, the governor and myself in a little open calèche. He
+spoke little, and seemed deep in thought all the way. From an occasional
+expression he dropped, I dreaded to surmise that he had resolved on
+returning to Ireland. One remark which he made of more than ordinary
+bitterness was: "If we go on as we are doing, we shall at length close
+every town of Europe against us. We left Brussels in shame, and now we
+quit Baden in disgrace: the sooner this ends the better."
+
+We did not proceed the whole way to Baden, but stopped about a mile from
+it, at a village called Lichtenthal, where we found a comfortable inn,
+with moderate charges. From this I was despatched to our hotel, after
+nightfall, to arrange our affairs, settle our bill, fetch away our
+baggage, and make all necessary arrangements for departure.
+
+I am free to own that I entered on my mission with no common sense of
+shame. I knew, of course, how our story had by this time become the
+table-talk of Baden, and how, from the prince to the courier, "the
+Dodds" were the only topic. Such notoriety as this is no boon, and I
+confess, Bob, that I believe I could have submitted my hand to the knife
+with less shrinking of the spirit than I raised it to pull the door-bell
+of the Hôtel de Russie.
+
+When a man has to encounter an anticipated humiliation, he usually puts
+on an extra amount of offensive armor. I suppose mine, on this occasion,
+must have been of unquestionable strength. None seemed willing to put
+it to the proof. The host was humble,--the waiters cringing,--the very
+porter fawned on me! The secretary--at your flash hotels abroad they
+always have a secretary, usually a Pole, who has an immense estate under
+sequestration somewhere,--this dread functionary, who, in presenting
+you the bill, ever gives you to understand that he is quite prepared to
+afford you personal satisfaction for any item in the score,--even he,
+I say, was bland, courteous, and gentle. I little knew at the moment to
+what circumstance I owed all this unexpected politeness, and that this
+silky courtesy was a very different testimony from what I suspected;
+it being neither more nor less than the joyful astonishment of the
+household at seeing one of us again, and an amazement, rising to
+enthusiastic delight, at the bare possibility of our paying our bill!
+Already in their estimation the "Dodd family" had been pronounced
+swindlers, and various speculations were abroad as to the value of the
+several trunks, imperials, and valises we had left behind us.
+
+My mother, in her abject misery,--you may imagine the amount of it from
+the circumstance,--had given me her bank-book, with full liberty to
+deal with the balance in her favor. In fact, such was her dread of
+encountering one of her former acquaintances, that I verily believe she
+would have agreed to an exile to Siberia rather than pass one more week
+at Baden. Our bill was a swingeing one. With all the external show of
+politeness, I plainly saw that they treated us just as Napoleon used to
+treat a conquered nation whose imputed misconduct had outlawed it! For
+_us_ there was no appeal; _we_ could not threaten the indignation of
+powerful friends,--the terrors of fashionable exposure,--not even the
+hackneyed expedient of a letter in the "Times"! Alas! we had ceased to
+be "reasonable and sufficient bail" for any statement.
+
+Such charges never were seen before, I 'd swear. Dinners and suppers
+figured as unimportant matters. It was the "extraordinaires" that ruined
+us; for your hotel-keeper is obliged, for very shame's sake, to observe
+a semblance of decorum in his demands for recognized items. It is in
+the indefinable that he revels; just as your geographer indulges every
+caprice of his imagination when laying down the limits of land and water
+at the Pole!
+
+It would not amuse, nor could it instruct you, were I to give the
+details of this iniquitous demand. I shall therefore spare you all,
+save the grand fact of the total, wherein something less than six weeks'
+living of four people, with as many servants, amounts to a fraction
+under three hundred pounds sterling! Meanwhile, the price of rooms,
+breakfasts, beds, &c, were all reasonable enough. It was "Éclairage,"
+"Service," "Réceptions, Mardi," "Mercredi," and "Jeudi." These were the
+heavy artillery, to which all the rest was a light-dropping fire. This
+bill-settling is indeed an awful process; for when you rally from the
+first horror-stricken feelings that the sum total calls up, and are
+blandly asked by the smirking secretary, "To what is it that Monsieur
+objects?" you are totally powerless and prostrated. Your natural impulse
+would be to say, "To the whole of it,--to that infamous row of figures
+at the bottom!"
+
+In all probability, you never made an hotel bill in your life. The
+wretches know this, and they feel the full force of your unhappy
+situation. Just fancy a surgeon saying, "What particular part of the
+operation do you dislike, sir? It can't be the first incision; I made
+it in Cooper's method,--one sweep of the knife. You surely have no
+complaint about the arteries,--I took them up in eighteen seconds by a
+stop-watch." "What do I care for all this?" you answer. "I know nothing
+about science, but I am fully open to the impression of pain." Nothing,
+however, kills me like the fellow saying, "If Monsieur thinks the
+lemonade too dear, we'll take off half a franc." Two-and-sixpence
+deducted from a bill of three hundred pounds!
+
+I went through all this, and more. I went through special appeal cases,
+from twenty subordinates, on peculiar infractions of broken heads,
+smashed crockery, and damaged furniture, which each assured me in turn
+"would be charged against _him_" if Monsieur had not the honorable
+"consideration"--that's the formula--to pay it. I satisfied some, I
+compromised with others; I resisted none. No, Bob. There was no "locus
+standi," as you would call it, for opposition. None of the Dodds could
+come into court, and claim to be heard as witnesses.
+
+This agreeable function concluded, I drove off to the Police Commissary
+about our passport. The "authorities" had finished the duties of the
+day. The bureau was closed. I asked where the "authorities" lived, and
+was told the street and the number. I went there, but the "authorities"
+were at their _café_. They liked "their dominos and their beer;" and why
+should they not have their weaknesses?
+
+I hastened to the café; not one of those brilliantly decorated and
+lighted establishments where foreigners of all nations foregather, but
+a dim-looking, musty, sanded-floored, smoke-dried den, filled with a
+company to suit. There was that mysterious half-light, and that low
+whispering sound which seemed to form a fit atmosphere for spies and
+eavesdroppers, of which I need scarcely tell you government officials
+are composed.
+
+By the guidance of the waiter, I reached the table where the Herr von
+Schureke was seated at his dominos. He was a beetle-browed, scowling,
+ill-conditioned-looking gent of about fifty, who had a trick of coughing
+a hard dry cough between every word he uttered.
+
+"Ah," said he, after. I explained the object of my visit, "you want
+your passport. You wish to leave Baden, and you come here, to give your
+orders to the Polizey Beamten as if you were the Grand-Duke!"
+
+I deprecated this intention in my politest German; but he went on.
+
+"Es geht nicht"--literally, "It 's no go "--"my worthy friend. We are
+not the officials of England. We are Badenere. We are the functionaries
+of an independent sovereign. You can't bully us here with your
+line-of-battle ships, your frigates, and bomb-boats."
+
+"No. Gott bewahr!" echoed the company; "that will do elsewhere,--but
+Baden is free!"
+
+The enthusiasm, the sentiment evoked brought all the guests from the
+several tables to swarm around us.
+
+I assured the meeting that Cobden and Co. were not more pacifically
+minded than I was; that as to anything like threat, menace, or insolence
+towards the Grand-Duchy, it never came within thousands of miles of
+my thoughts; that I came to make the civilest of requests, in the very
+humblest of manner; and if by ill-luck the distinguished functionary I
+had the honor to address should not deem either the time opportune, or
+the place suitable--
+
+"You'll make it an affair for your House of Commons," broke he in.
+
+"Or your 'Ti-mes' newspaper!" cried another, converting the title of the
+Thunderer into a strange dissyllable.
+
+"Or your Secretary of State will tell us that you are a 'Civis
+Romanue,'" wheezed out a small man, that I heard was Archivist of
+something, somewhere.
+
+"Britannia rule de waves, but do not rule de Grand-Duchy," muttered a
+fourth, in English, to show that he was thoroughly imbued, not alone
+with our language, but the spirit of our Constitution.
+
+"Really, gentlemen," said I, "I am quite at a loss for any reason for
+this audible outburst of nationality. I dis-claim the very remotest
+idea of offending Baden, or anything belonging to it. I entertain
+no intention of converting my case into a question of international
+dispute. I simply wait my passport, and free permission to leave the
+Grand-Duchy and all belonging to it."
+
+This declaration was unanimously pronounced insolent, offensive, and
+insulting; and a vast number of unpleasant remarks poured down upon
+England and Englishmen, which, I need not tell you, are not worth
+repetition. The end of all was that I lost temper too,--the wonder is
+how I kept it so long,--and ventured to hint that people of my country
+had sometimes the practice of righting themselves, when wronged, instead
+of tormenting their Government or pestering the "Times" newspaper; and
+that if they had any curiosity as to the _how_, I should be most happy
+to favor any one with the information that would follow me into the
+street.
+
+There was a perfect Babel of angry vociferation as I said this; the
+meaning of which I might guess, though the words were unintelligible;
+and as I issued forth into the street, expressions of angry indignation
+and insult were actually showered upon me. I reached Lichtenthal late
+at night; the governor was in bed, and I hastened to "report myself"
+to him. This done, I sat down to give you this full narration of
+our doings; and only regret that I must conclude without telling you
+anything of our future plans, of which I know actually nothing. I should
+have spared you the uninteresting scene with the authorities, if you had
+not asked me, in your last, "Whether the respect felt towards England by
+every foreign nation did not invest the travelling Englishman with many
+privileges and immunities unknown to others?" I have heard that such was
+once the case. I believe, indeed, there was a time that any absurdity
+or excess of John Bull would have been set down as mere eccentricity,--a
+dash of that folly ascribable to our insular tastes and habits; but this
+is all changed now! Partly from our own conduct, in part from real and
+sometimes merely imputed acts of our rulers, and partly from the tone of
+our Press, which no foreigner can ever be brought to understand aright,
+we have got to be thought a set of spendthrift, wealthy, reckless
+misers, lavish and economical by tarns, socially proud and exclusive,
+but politically red republican and levelling,--tyrants in our
+families, and democrats in the world; in fact, a sort of living mass of
+contradictory qualities, not rendered more endurable by coarse tastes
+and rude manners! This, at least, Morris told me, and he is a shrewd
+observer, like many of those sleepy-eyed, quiet "coves" one meets with.
+Not that he reads individuals like Tiverton! No: George is unequalled
+in ready dissection of a man's motives, and will detect a dodge before
+another begins to suspect it. I wish he were back; I feel frequently
+so helpless without his counsel and advice. The turf is, surely, a
+wonderful school for sharpening a man's faculties, and it gives you the
+habit of connecting words with motives, and asking yourself, "What
+does So-and-so mean by that?" "What is he up to now?" that at last you
+decipher character, let its lines be written in the very faintest ink!
+
+Our post leaves at daybreak, so that I shall just have time for this.
+When I write next, I 'll answer--that is, if I can--all your questions
+about myself, what I mean to do, and when to begin it.
+
+Not, indeed, that they are themes I like to touch upon, for somehow all
+the quiet pursuits of life look wonderfully slow and tiresome affairs in
+comparison with the panoramic effects of travel. The perpetual change
+of scene, actors, and incidents supplies in itself that amount of
+excitement which, under other circumstances, calls for so much exertion
+and effort. There is another thing, also, which has always given me
+great discouragement. It is that the humbler walks of life require not
+only an amount of labor, but of actual ability, that are never called
+for in higher positions. Think of the work a fellow does as a doctor
+or a lawyer; and think of the brains, too, he has to bring to these
+careers, and then picture to yourself a man in a Government situation,
+some snug colonial governorship, or something at home,--say, he's
+Secretary-at-War, or has something in the household. He writes his name
+at the foot of an occasional report or a despatch, and he puts on his
+blue ribbon, or his grand cross, as it may be, on birthdays. There's the
+whole of it! As Tiverton says, "One needs more blood and bone nowadays
+for the hack stakes than the Derby;" he means, of course, in allusion to
+real life, and not to the turf! Don't fancy that I take it in ill part
+any remarks you make upon my idleness, nor its probable consequences.
+We are old friends, Bob; but even were we not, I accept them as sin-cere
+evidence of true interest and regard, though I may not profit by them
+as I ought. The Dodds are an impracticable race, and in nothing more
+so than by fully appreciating all their faults, and yet never making an
+effort for their eradication.
+
+Some people are civil enough to say how very Irish this is; but I think
+it is only so in half, inasmuch as our perceptions are sharp enough to
+show us even in ourselves those blemishes which your blear-eyed Saxon
+would never have discovered anywhere. Do you agree with me? Whether
+or not, my dear Bob, continue to esteem and believe me ever your
+affectionate friend,
+
+James Dodd.
+
+Though I am totally innocent as to our future, it is better not to write
+till you hear again from me, for of course we shall leave this at once;
+but where for? that's the question.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXXIII. KENNY JAMES DODD TO MR. PURCELL, OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+
+My dear Tom,--I am not in a humor for letter-writing, nor, indeed, for
+anything else that I know of. I am sick, sore, and sorry,--sick of the
+world, sore in my feet, and sorry of heart that I ever consented to come
+out upon this touring expedition, every step and mile of which is marked
+by its own misery and misfortune. I got back--I won't say home, for it
+would be an abuse of the word--on Wednesday last I travelled all the way
+on foot, with something less than one-and-fourpence English for my daily
+expenses, and arrived to find my wife entertaining, at a picnic, all
+Baden and its vicinity, with pheasants and champagne enough to feast
+the London Corporation, and an amount of cost and outlay that would have
+made Dodsborough brilliant during a whole Assizes.
+
+I broke up the meeting, perhaps less ceremoniously than a Cabinet
+Council is dissolved at Osborne House, where the Ministers, after
+luncheon, embark--as the "Court Journal" tells--on board the "Fairy," to
+meet the express train for London: valuable facts, that we never weary
+of reading! I routed them without even reading the Riot Act, and saw
+myself "master of the situation;" and a very pretty situation it was.
+
+Now, Tom, when the best of two evils at a man's choice is to expose his
+family as vulgar pretenders and adventurers,--to show them up to
+the fine world of their fashionable acquaintances as a humbug and a
+sham,--let me tell you that the other side of the medal cannot have been
+very attractive. This was precisely the case here. "It is not pleasant,"
+said I to myself, "to bring all the scandal and slander of professional
+bad tongues upon an unfortunate family, but ruin is worse still!" There
+was the whole sum and substance of my calculation,--"Ruin is worse
+still!" The picnic cost above a hundred pounds; the hotel expenses at
+Baden amounted to three hundred more; there are bills to be paid at
+nearly every shop in the town; and here we are, economizing, as usual,
+at a large hotel, at, to say the least, the rate of some five or six
+pounds per day. That I am able to sit down and write these items in a
+clear and legible hand, I take to be as fine an example of courage as
+ever was given to the world. Talk of men in a fire--an earthquake--a
+shipwreck--or even the "last collision on the South-Eastern"--I give the
+palm to the man who can be calm in the midst of duns, and be _collected_
+when his debts cannot be. To be credited when you can no longer pay,--to
+drink champagne when you have n't small change for small beer, is enough
+to shake the boldest nerves; it is exactly like dancing on a tight rope,
+from which you know in your heart you must ultimately come down with a
+crash. When one reads of any sudden calamity having befallen a man who
+has incurred voluntary peril, the natural question at once rises, "What
+did he want to do? What was he trying for?" Now, suppose this question
+to be addressed to the Dodd family, and that any one should ask, "What
+did we want to do?" I am sadly afraid, Tom, that we should be puzzled
+for the answer. I have no doubt that my wife would sustain a long and
+harassing cross-examination before the truth would come out I am well
+aware of all the specious illusions she would evoke, and what sagacious
+notions she would scatter about education, accomplishments, modern
+languages, and maybe--mother-like--great matches for the girls, but the
+truth would out, at last,--we came abroad to be something--whatever it
+might be--that we could n't be at home; we changed our theatre, that we
+might take a new line of parts. We wanted, in short, to be in a world
+that we never were in before, and we have had our wish. I am not going
+to rail at fashionable life and high society. I am sure that, to those
+brought up in their ways, they are both pleasant and agreeable; but they
+never were our ways, and we were too old when we began to learn
+them. The grand world, to people like us, is like going up Mont
+Blanc,--fatigue, peril, expense, injury to health, and ruin to pocket,
+just to have the barren satisfaction of saying,
+
+"I was up there last August--I was at the top in June." "What did you
+get for your pains, Kenny Dodd? What did you see for all the trouble
+you had? Are you wiser?" "No." "Are you happier?" "No." "Are you better
+informed?" "No." "Are you pleasanter company for your old friends?"
+"No." "Are you richer?" "Upon my conscience, I am not! All I know is,
+that we were there, and that we came down again." Ay, Tom, there 's
+the moral of the whole story,--we came _down_ again! Had we limited our
+ambition, when we came abroad, to things reasonably attainable,--had we
+been satisfied to know and to associate with people like ourselves,--had
+we sought out the advantages which certainly the Continent possesses
+in certain matters of taste and accomplishment, we might have got
+something, at least, for our money, and not paid too dearly for it But,
+no; the great object with us seemed always to be, swimming for our lives
+in the great ocean of fashion. And, let me tell you a secret, Tom; this
+grovelling desire to be amongst a set that we have no pretension to, is
+essentially and entirely English. No foreigner, so far as I have seen,
+has the vulgar vice of what is called "tuft-hunting." When I see my
+countrymen abroad, I am forcibly reminded of what I once witnessed at a
+show of wild beasts. It was a big cage full of monkeys, that were eating
+their dinner at a long trough, but none of them would taste what was
+before himself, but was always eating out of his neighbor's dish. It
+gave them the oddest look in the world; but it is exactly what you
+see on the Continent; and I 'll tell you what fosters this taste more
+strongly than all. Our titled classes at home are a close borough, that
+men like you and myself never trespass upon. We see a lord as we see a
+prize bull at a cattle show, once and away in our lives; but here the
+aristocracy is plentiful,--barons, counts, and even princes abound, and
+can be obtained at the "shortest notice, and sent to any part of the
+town." Think of the fascination of this; fancy the delight of a family
+like the Dodds, surrounded with dukes and marquises! One of the very
+first things that strikes a man on coming abroad is the abundance of
+that kind of fruit that we only see at home in our hot-houses. Every
+ragged urchin is munching a peach or a melon, and picking the big
+grapes off a bunch that he speedily flings away. The astonishment of the
+Englishman is great, and he naturally thinks it all paradise. But wait
+a bit. He soon discovers that the melon has no more flavor than a
+mangel-wurzel, and that the apricot tastes like a turnip radish. If
+they are plenty, they are totally deficient in every excellence of
+their kind; and it is just the same with the aristocracy. The climate
+is favorable to them, and the same sun and soil rears princes and ripens
+pineapples; but they 're not like our own, Tom,--not a bit of it. Like
+the fruit, they are poor, sapless, tasteless productions, and the very
+utmost they do for you is to give you a downright indifference to the
+real article. I know how it reads in the newspapers, in a letter dated
+from some far-away land, on a Christmas-day,--"As I write, my window is
+open; the garden is one sea of blossoms, and the perfume of the rose
+and the jasmine fills the room." Just the same is the effect of those
+wonderful paragraphs of distinguished and illustrious guests at Mrs.
+Somebody's _soirée_. They are the common products of the soil, and they
+do not rise to the rank of luxuries with even the poor! Don't mistake
+me; I am not depreciating what is called high society, no more than I
+would condemn a particular climate. All that I would infer is, simply,
+that it does not suit my constitution. It's a very common remark, how
+much more easily women conform to the habits and customs of a class
+above their own than men, and, so far as I have seen, the observation is
+a just one; but, let me tell you, Tom, the price they pay for this same
+plastic quality is more than the value of the article, for they lose all
+self-guidance and judgment by the change. Your quietly disposed,
+domestic ones turn out gadders, your thrifty housekeepers grow lavish
+and wasteful, your safe and cautious talkers become evil speakers and
+slanderers. It is not that these are the characteristics of the new sect
+they have adopted, but that, like all converts, they always begin their
+imitation with the vices of the faith they conform to, and by way of
+laying a good foundation, they start from the bottom!
+
+If I say these things in bitterness, it is because I feel them in
+sincerity. Poor old Giles Langrishe used to say that all the expenses
+of contested elections, all the bribery and treating, all the cost of a
+Parliamentary life, would never have embarrassed him, if it was n't
+for his wife going to London. "It wasn't only what she spent," said he,
+"while there; but Molly brought Piccadilly back with her to the county
+Clare! She turned up her nose at all our old neighbors, because they
+did n't know the Prussian ambassador, or Chevalier Somebody from the
+Brazils. The only man that could fit her in shoes lived in Bond Street;
+and as to getting her hair dressed, except by a French scoundrel that
+made wigs for the aristocracy, it was clearly impossible." And I 'll
+tell you another thing, Tom, our wives get a kind of smattering of
+political knowledge by this trip to town, that makes them unbearable.
+They hear no other talk all the morning than the cant of the House and
+the slang of the Lobby. It's a dodge of Sir James, or a sly trick
+of Lord John, that forms the gossip at breakfast; and all the little
+rogueries of political life, all the tactics of party, are discussed
+before them, and when they take to that line of talk they become
+perfectly odious.
+
+Haven't they their own topics? Isn't dancing, dress, the drama, enough
+for them, I ask?--without even speaking of divorce cases,--that they
+won't leave bills, motions, and debates to their husbands? Whenever
+I see Mrs. Roney, of Bally Roney, or Mrs. Miles MacDermot, of Castle
+Brack, in the "Morning Post," among the illustrious company at Lady
+Wheedleham's party, I say to myself, "I wish your neighbors joy of you
+when you go home again, that's all!"
+
+And yet all this would have been better for me than this coming abroad!
+I might have been member for Bruff for half the cost of this unlucky
+expedition! And this was economy, forsooth! Do you know how much we
+spent, hard cash, since March last? I am fairly ashamed to tell you,
+Tom; and though money lies mighty close to my heart, I don't regret the
+loss as much as I do that of many a good trait that we brought away with
+us, and have contrived to lose on the road. All this running about the
+world, this eternal change of place and people, imparts such an "Old
+Soldierism," if I may make the word, to a family, that they lose all
+that quiet charm of domesticity that forms the fascination of a home.
+
+Fathers and mothers are worldly, as a matter of course. It comes upon
+them just like chronic rheumatism, or baldness, or any other infirmity
+of time and years, but it's hateful to see young people calculating and
+speculating; planning for this, and plotting for that. You ask, perhaps,
+"What has this to do with foreign travel?" and I say, "Everything." Your
+young lady that has polka'd at Paris, galloped up the Rhine, waltzed
+at Vienna, and bolero'd at Madrid, has about as much resemblance to
+an English or Irish girl brought up at home as the show-off horse of
+a circus has to a thoroughbred hunter. It's all training and
+teaching,--very graceful, perhaps, and pretty to look at,--but only fit
+for display, and worth nothing without lamps, sawdust, and spectators.
+Now, these things are not native to us, partly from climate, partly from
+old habit, prejudice, and natural inclination. We like to have a home.
+Our fireside has a kind of religious estimation in our eyes, associated
+as it is with that family grouping that includes everything from two
+years and a half to eighty,--from the pleasant prattle of infancy to the
+harmless murmurings of grandpapa. The foreigner--I don't care of what
+nation, they are all alike--has no idea of this. His own house to him is
+only one remove above a prison. He has little light, and less fire;
+neither comfort nor companionship! For him, life means society, plenty
+of well-dressed people, handsome _salons_, wax-lights, movement, bustle,
+and confusion, the din of five hundred tongues that only wag for
+scandal, and the sparkle of eyes that are only brilliant for wickedness.
+
+These foreigners are really wonderful people, so frivolous about all
+that is grave or serious, so sober-minded in every folly and absurdity,
+we never rightly understand them, and that is one reason why all our
+imitation of them is so ludicrous.
+
+Have you ever seen a fellow in a circus, Tom, whose feat was to jump
+from a horse's back through some half-dosen hoops a little bigger than
+his body? He has kept this performance for his finish, for it is his
+_chef d'oeuvre_ and he wants to "sink in full glory resplendent."
+Somehow or other, though, he can't summon up pluck for the effort. Now
+the horse goes wrong leg, now it's the fault of the fellows that hold
+the hoops, now the pace is not fast enough; in fact, nothing goes right
+with him, and there he spins round and round, wishing with all his heart
+it was done and over. I 'm pretty much in the same plight this moment,
+Tom, at least as regards hesitation and indecision; for while I have
+been rambling on about foreign life and manners, my mind was full of a
+very different theme; but from downright shame have I kept off it, for
+I 'm tired of recording all our miseries and misfortunes. Here goes,
+however, for the spring,--I can't defer it any longer.
+
+Since I came back, I have n't exchanged ten words with Mrs. D. It is an
+armed truce between us, and each stands ready, and only waiting for
+the attack. If, however, I consign to oblivion all remembrance of _her_
+extravagance, the chance is that she is to keep blind to my infidelity!
+In a word, the picnic and Mrs. G. are to be buried together. Of course
+the terms of our convention prevented my learning much of the family
+doings in my absence. Even had I moved for any papers or correspondence
+on the subject, I should have been met by a flat refusal; and, in fact,
+I was left, the way poor Curran used to say of himself, to pick up my
+facts from the opposite counsel's statement. I was not long destined to
+the bliss of ignorance. Such a hurricane of bills and accounts I never
+withstood before. James, however, by what arts of flattery I know not,
+succeeded in getting bold of his mother's bank-book, and went out, a
+few evenings ago, and paid everything; and, that we might escape at once
+from this den of iniquity, went immediately to the Prefecture for our
+passport. The Commissary was at his _café_, whither James followed him,
+and, somehow or other, an angry discussion got up between them, and they
+separated, after exchanging something that was not the compliments of
+the season.
+
+I 'm so used to rows and shindies that I went fast asleep while he was
+telling me of it; but the following morning I was to have a jog to my
+memory that I did n't expect,--no less than two gendarmes, with their
+carbines on their arms, having arrived to escort me to the "Bureau of
+the Police." I dressed accordingly, and set out alone; for although
+James might have been useful in many ways, I was too much afraid of
+his rashness and hot temper to take him. We arrived before the door
+was open, and spent twenty minutes in the street, surrounded by a mixed
+assemblage, who commented upon me and my supposed crime with great
+freedom and impartiality.
+
+After another long wait in a dirty ante-room, I was ushered into a large
+chamber, where the great functionary was seated at a table covered with
+papers, and at a smaller one, close by, sat what I perceived to be his
+clerk, or private secretary. Of course I imagined it was for something
+that James had said the previous evening that I was thus arraigned,
+and though I thought it was like reading the passage in the Decalogue
+backwards, to make the father suffer for the children, I resolved to be
+patient and submissive throughout.
+
+"Your name?" said the Commissary, bluntly, but never offering me a seat,
+nor even noticing my "Good-morning."
+
+"Dodd," said I, as shortly.
+
+"Christian name?"
+
+"Kenny James."
+
+"Where born?"
+
+"At Bruff, in Ireland."
+
+"How old?"
+
+"Upwards of fifty,--not certain for a year, more or less."
+
+"Religion?"
+
+"Catholic."
+
+"Married or single?"
+
+"Married."
+
+"With children,--how many?"
+
+"Three,--a boy and two girls."
+
+"Do you follow any trade or profession?"
+
+"No."
+
+"Living upon private means?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+These, and a vast number of similar queries--they filled five sheets of
+long post--followed, touching where we came from, how we had travelled,
+our object in the journey, and twenty things of the like kind, till I
+began to feel that the examination in itself was not a small penalty
+for a light transgression. At last, after a close scrutiny into all
+my family matters, my money resources, and my habits, he entered upon
+another chapter, which I own I thought was pushing the matter rather
+far, by saying, "Apparently, Herr Dodd, you are one of those who think
+that the monarchies of Europe are obsolete systems of government, ill
+suited to the spirit and requirements of the age. Is it not so?"
+
+If I had only a moment's time for reflection, I should have said, "What
+is it to you how I think on these subjects? I don't belong to your
+country, and will render no account of my private sentiments to you;"
+but, unfortunately, a discussion on politics is always "nuts" to me,--I
+can't resist it,--and in I went, with that kind of specious generality
+that lays down a broad and wide foundation for any edifice you like
+afterwards to rear.
+
+"Kings," said I, "are pretty much like other men,--good, bad, or
+indifferent, and, like other men, they are not bettered by being left
+to the sway of their own unbridled passions and tempers. Wherever,
+therefore, there is no constitution to bind them, the chances are that
+they make ducks and drakes of their subjects."
+
+I must tell you, Tom, that we conducted our interview in English, which
+the Commissary spoke fluently.
+
+"The divine right of kings, then, you utterly overlook?"
+
+"I deny it,--I laugh it to scorn," said I. "Look at the fellows we see
+on thrones,--one is a creature fit for Bedlam; another ought to be in
+Norfolk Island. If they possessed any of this divine right you talk
+of, should we have seen them scuttling away as they did the other day,
+because there was a row in their capitals?"
+
+"That will do,--quite enough," said he, stopping me short. "Your
+sentiments are sufficiently clear and explicit. You are a worthy
+disciple of your friend Gauss."
+
+"I never heard of him till now," said I.
+
+"Nor of Isaac Henkenstrom?--nor Reichard Blitzler?--nor Johann von
+Darg?"
+
+"Not one of them."
+
+"This you swear?"
+
+"This I swear," said I, firmly; but the words were not well out, when
+the door was opened at a signal made by the Commissary, and an old man,
+with a very white beard and in shabby black, was led forward.
+
+"Do you know the Herr Professor now?" asked the Commissary of me.
+
+"No," said I, stoutly,--"never saw him before."
+
+"Bring in the others," said he; and, to my astonishment, came forward
+three of the young fellows I had travelled with on foot from Saxony, but
+whose names I had not heard, or, if I heard, had forgotten.
+
+"Are these men known to you?" asked the Prefect, with a sneer.
+
+"Yes," said I; "we travelled in company for some days."
+
+"Ah! you acknowledge them at last?" said he, "although you swore you had
+never seen them."
+
+"Are you so stupid," said I, "as not to distinguish between a man's
+knowledge of an individual and his remembrance of a name?"
+
+"You yourself might be a puzzle in that respect," replied he, not
+heeding my taunt. "You assumed one appellation at Bonn, another at Ems,
+and your family are living under a third here."
+
+"I deny it!" cried I, indignantly.
+
+"Here 's the proof," said he. "Is this your wife's hand-writing? 'Mrs.
+Dodd M'Carthy requests the favor of having two gendarmes stationed
+at the hotel on each Wednesday evening, to keep order in the line of
+carriages at her receptions.' Is that authentic?"
+
+What a shell exploded beneath me, as I saw that I was tracked by the
+spies of the police from town to village up the Rhine, and half across
+Germany! The three youths with whom I was confronted were already
+condemned to prison. One had a tobacco bag, with a picture of Blum on
+it; the other was detected with a case-knife, whose blade exceeded
+the regulation length by half an inch; and the third was heard to say,
+"Germany forever," as he tossed off a tumbler of beer; and I was the
+associate and trusted comrade of this combined Socialism and Democracy.
+It came out that amongst our fraternity of the road there had been a
+paid spy of the police, who kept a regular journal of all our wayside
+conversation; and from the singularity of an Englishman's presence
+in such a party, it was inferred that his object was to spread those
+infamous doctrines by which it is now well known England sustains her
+position in Europe.
+
+The absurdity I could laugh at, but there were some things in the matter
+not to be treated lightly. With my name at Ems they had no possible
+concern. Ems was in Nassau, not Baden. What could have persuaded my wife
+to call herself Dodd M'Carthy? We were always Dodd; we never had any
+other name. I could n't explain this, nor even give it a coloring; but
+I grew angry, Tom, vexed and irritated by the pestering impertinence of
+this pumping scoundrel. I said a vast number of things which had
+been better unsaid. I gave a great deal of good advice, too, about
+legislation generally, that I might have known would not have been
+accepted; and, in fact, I was what would be called generally indiscreet;
+the more, since all my remarks were committed to paper as fast as I made
+them, the whole being courteously submitted to me for signature, as if I
+had been purposely making a confession of my political belief.
+
+"Give me my passport," cried I, at last, "and let me quit your little
+rascally territory of spies and sharpers. I promise you sacredly I 'll
+never put foot in it again."
+
+"Not so fast, my worthy friend," said he. "We must first know under
+which of your aliases you are to travel; meanwhile, we shall take the
+liberty of committing you to prison as Herr Dodd!"
+
+"To prison!--for what crime?" cried I, nearly choking with passion.
+
+"You 'll hear it all time enough," was the only response, as, ringing
+his bell, he summoned the gendarmes, who, advancing one to either side
+of me, led me away like a common malefactor.
+
+The prison is a kind of Bridewell, over a livery-stable, and only meant
+as a "station" before being forwarded to the larger establishment at
+Carlsruhe. I suppose, had they wished it, they could not have accorded
+me any place of separate confinement; for there was but scanty space,
+and many occupants. As it was, my lot was to be put in the same cell
+with two fellows just apprehended for a murder, and who obligingly
+entered into a full narrative of their crime, believing that _my_
+revelations would be equally interesting. I lost no time in writing a
+note to James, and another to our English Chargé d'Affaires, a young
+attaché, I believe, of the Legation at Stuttgard.
+
+James and the sucking diplomatist were both out, so that I had no answer
+from either till evening. During this interval I had much meditation
+over the state of politics in Germany, and the probable future of that
+country, of which I shall take another occasion to tell you.
+
+At six o'clock came the following, enclosed in a very large envelope,
+and sealed with a very spacious impression of the English Arms:--
+
+"The undersigned Attaché of H. B. M.'s Legation at the Court of
+Stuttgard has the honor to acknowledge receipt of Mr. Kenny J. Dodd's
+communication of this morning's date, and will lay it under the
+consideration of H. B. M.'s Principal Secretary of State for Foreign
+Affairs."
+
+This was pleasant, forsooth! And was I to remain in jail till the
+despatch had reached London, a deliberation formed on it, and an answer
+returned? I was boiling over with rage at this thought, when James
+entered. He had just been with our illustrious Chargé d'Affaires, who
+received him with that diplomatic reserve so peculiar amongst the
+small fry of the Foreign Office. At the same time James saw a lurking
+satisfaction in his manner at the thought of having got up a case of
+international dispute, which might have his name mentioned in the House,
+and possibly a despatch with his signature printed in a Blue Book. He
+was dying for an opportunity of distinguishing himself, as Baden offered
+nothing to his ambition; and all his fear was, that the authorities
+might liberate me too soon. James perceived all this,--for the lad
+is not wanting in shrewdness, and his Continental life, if it has
+not bettered his morals, has certainly sharpened his wit; but all his
+arguments were unavailing, and all his reasonings useless. The
+despatch was already begun, and it was too good a grievance to let slip
+unprofitably.
+
+James next called on a friend of his, a certain Mr. Milo Blake O'Dwyer,
+who is the correspondent of a great London paper called the "Sledge
+Hammer of Freedom;" but instead of advice and guidance, the worthy
+news-gatherer was taking down all the particulars for a grand letter
+to his journal; and he, too, it was plain to see, wished that
+some outrageous treatment of me by the authorities would make his
+communication the great event of that day's post in London. "I wish they
+'d put him in irons,--in heavy irons," said he. "Are you sure that his
+cell is not eight feet below the surface of the earth? Be particular,
+I beg of you, about the depth. You saw how Gladstone destroyed that
+elegant case of Poerio, all for want of a little accuracy in his
+measurements; for, I must observe to you, in all our 'correspondence,'
+names, dates, and distances require to be true as the Bible. Facts admit
+of varnishing. They can be always stretched a little this way or that.
+Now, for instance, we 'll call the conduct of the authorities in this
+case brutal, cowardly, and disgraceful. We 'll appeal to the universally
+acknowledged right of Englishmen to do everything everywhere, and we
+'ll wind up with a grand peroration about Despotism and the glorious
+privileges of the British Constitution."
+
+The fellow chuckled over my case with unfeigned satisfaction. He would
+n't listen to the real, plain facts of the matter at all. They were
+poor, meagre, and insignificant in themselves, till they had acquired
+the touch of genius to illustrate them; and though I was a gem, as
+he owned, yet, like the Koh-i-noor, I was nothing without cutting. He
+appears, besides, to think that he has a kind of vested interest in me,
+now that my case is to figure in his newspaper, and he contradicts my
+own statements flatly wherever they don't suit him.
+
+I have just despatched James to assure him that I don't care a rush
+about the sympathy of the whole British public; that I have no taste
+for martyrdom; and that, as to expending any hopes in redress from our
+Foreign Office, I'd as soon make an investment in Poyais Scrip, or Irish
+Canal Debentures. I trust that he will be induced to leave me alone, and
+neither make me matter for the Press nor a speech in Parliament.
+
+These reporters, or correspondents, or whatever they call them, are, in
+my mind, the greatest disturbers of the peace of Europe. The moment they
+assert anything, they set about looking for proofs of it; and they
+don't know how to praise themselves enough, whenever they are driven to
+confess that they were in the wrong; and then, if you mind, Tom, it is
+not to the public they excuse themselves,--not a bit of it; it's the
+King of Naples, or the Emperor of Russia, or the Bey of Tiflis, that
+"they sincerely hope will not be offended by statements made after
+mature reflection and painful consideration of the topic." They throw
+out sly hints of all the Royal attentions that have been bestowed upon
+them, and the intimate habits they have enjoyed of confidence with the
+Queen of this, and the Crown Prince of that Vulgar rapscallions! they
+have never seen more of Royalty than what a church or an opera admits;
+and though Majesty now and then may feel the sting, take my word for it,
+he never notices the mosquito.
+
+If you, then, see me in print,--and be on the look-out,--just write a
+letter in my name from Dodsborough, to say that I am well and hearty on
+my paternal acres, and know nothing of politics, police, or reporters,
+and would rather the Government would reduce the county cess than
+prosecute every Grand-Duke in Europe.
+
+I will write again to-morrow. Yours ever,
+
+K. I. Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXXIV. KENNY JAMES DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+
+"The Fox."
+
+My dear Tom,--However Morris managed it I know not, but an order came
+for my liberation that same evening, with the assurance that my passport
+was to be made out for wherever I pleased to name, and the Prefect was
+to express to me his regrets and apologies for an inadvertence which he
+deeply deplored.
+
+It seemed that, but for diplomacy, I'd not have been detained half
+an hour; but our worthy representative of Great Britain had asked for
+copies of all the charges against me so formally, had requested
+the names, ages, and station in life of the several witnesses so
+circumstantially, and had, in fact, imparted such a mock importance to
+a police impertinence, that the Grand-Ducal authorities began to suspect
+that they had caught a first-rate revolutionist, with a whole trunkful
+of Kossuth and Mazzini correspondence. This comes of setting school-boys
+to write despatches! The greedy appetite for notoriety--to be up
+and doing--to be before the world in some public capacity--of these
+juveniles, brings England into more trouble, and Englishmen into more
+embarrassment, than you could believe. If they 'd be satisfied with
+recording Royal dinnerparties and Court scandal,--who got the Order of
+the Guinea-pig, and who is to receive the "Tortoise," they could n't do
+much harm; but the moment they get hold of an international grievance,
+and quote Puffendorf, we have no peace on the Continent for six months
+after.
+
+"You wish to leave Baden," said Morris; "where will you go?"
+
+"I have not the slightest notion," said I. "I'm waiting for letters from
+Ireland,"--yours, my dear Tom, the chief of them,--"and therefore it
+must be somewhere in the vicinity."
+
+"Go over to Rastadt, then," said he, "and amuse yourself with the
+fortifications: they are now in course of construction, and when
+completed will be some of the strongest in Europe. I 'll give you a
+letter to the Commandant, who will show all that can interest you, and
+explain everything that you may wish to know." Rastadt is only twenty
+miles away; it is, however, in all that regards intercourse with Baden,
+fully two hundred distant. It is cheap, rarely visited by strangers, has
+no "fashionables," and, in fact, just the kind of model-prison residence
+that I was wishing for to discipline the family, and get them once more
+"in hand."
+
+Thither, therefore, we remove to-morrow morning, if nothing unforeseen
+should occur in the interim. Morris, as you may observe, behaved most
+kindly in this affair; and, indeed, showed a strong interest in James,
+from certain remarks the boy himself has let drop; but he seems cold,
+Tom,--one of those excellent fellows that are always doing the right
+thing for its own sake, and not for yours. I don't want to disparage
+principle, no more than I do a great balance at Coutts's, or anything
+else that I don't possess myself; but I mean to say that, somehow or
+other, one likes to feel that it is to yourself, as an individual,--to
+your own proper identity,--a service is rendered, and not to a mere
+fraction of that great biped race that wear cloth clothes and eat cooked
+victuals.
+
+That's the way with the English, however, all over the globe, and I
+have often felt more grateful to an Irishman for helping me on with my
+surtout than I have to John Bull for a real downright piece of service.
+I suppose the fault is more mine than his; but the fact is true, and so
+I give it to you. I suppose, besides, that an impartial observer of both
+of as would say that we make too much of every favor, and the Englishman
+too little; we exact all the obligation of a debt for it, they treat the
+whole thing lightly, as if the service rendered, and those to whom it
+was done, were not worthy of further consideration. However we strike
+the balance between us, Tom,--in our favor or against us,--I own to you
+I like our own way best; and though nothing could be truly more kind and
+considerate than Morris, it was quite a relief to me when he gave me his
+cold shake-hands, and said "Good-bye!"
+
+And so it will ever be, so long as human actions are swayed by human
+emotions. The man who recognizes your feelings, who regards you with
+some touch of sympathy, is more your friend than the benevolent machine
+who bestows upon you his mechanical philanthropy.
+
+
+"The Golden Ox," Rastadt. We left Lichtenthal like a thief in the night;
+and here we are now in the "Golden Ox" at Rastadt, which, I own to
+you, seems a most comfortable house. James and I--for we are now
+_two_ parties domestically, Mrs. D. and Mary Anne living very much to
+themselves, and Cary still on a visit with Morris's mother--had a most
+excellent breakfast of fresh trout, a roast partridge, a venison steak
+with capers--a capital dish--and chocolate, with abundance of good white
+wine of the place, and on calling for the bill, out of curiosity, I see
+we are charged something under a florin for two of us,--about tenpence
+each. Tom, this will do. You may therefore look upon me as a citizen
+of Rastadt for the next month to come. I have kept my letter by me
+hitherto, to give you a bulletin of this place before closing it, and I
+have still some time at my disposal before the post leaves.
+
+I'm not sure, though, I'd exactly recommend this town to a patient
+laboring under nervous headaches, or to a university man reading for
+honors. Indeed, up to this--I suppose I 'll get used to it later on--the
+din has so addled me that I have often to stand two minutes reflecting
+over what I had to say, and then own that I have forgotten it. We
+are--that is, the "Ox" is--in the quietest spot in the town, and yet
+close under my bedroom there are, from early morning till dusk, twelve
+drummers at practice, with a head drummer to teach them. In the green,
+before the door, two companies of recruits are at drill. The foot
+artillery limbers and unlimbers all day in the "Platz" close by, and
+what should be our garden is a riding-school for the cadets. These
+several educational establishments have their peculiar tumult, which
+accompany me through my sleep; and for all the requirements of quiet
+and reflection, I might as well have taken up my abode in a kettle-drum.
+Liège was a Trappist monastery in comparison! As it is, the routine
+tramp of feet has made me conform to the step, and I march "quick" or
+"orderly," exactly as the fellows are doing it outside. I swallow my
+soup to the sound of a trumpet, and take off my clothes to the roll of
+the drum. James is in ecstasy with it all; I never saw him enjoy himself
+so much. He is out looking at them the entire day, and I 'm greatly
+mistaken but Mary Anne passes a large portion of her time at the green
+"jalousie" that opens over the riding-school.
+
+I am always asking myself--that is, whenever I can summon composure even
+for so much--what do the Germans want with all these soldiers? Surely
+they 're not going to invade France, nor Russia; and yet their armies
+are maintained in a strength that might imply it! As to any occasion for
+them at home in their own land, it's downright balderdash to talk of it!
+Do you know, Tom, that whenever I think of Germany and her rulers, I am
+strongly reminded of poor old Dr. Drake, that lived at Dronestown, and
+the flea-bitten mare he used to drive in his gig. She was forty if she
+was an hour; she was quiet and docile from the day she was foaled: all
+the whipping in the world couldn't shake her into five miles an
+hour, and yet the doctor had her surrounded with every precaution
+and appliance that would have suited a regular runaway. There were
+safety-reins, and kicking-straps, and double traces without end,--and
+all to restrain a poor old beast that only wanted to be let alone, and
+drag out her tiresome existence in the jog-trot she was used to! "Ah,
+you don't know as well as I do," Drake would say; "she's a devil at
+heart, and if she did n't feel it was useless to resist, she 'd smash
+everything behind her. She looks quiet enough, but _that_ does n't
+impose upon me." These were the kind of reflections he indulged in, and
+I suppose they are about the same in use in the Cabinets of Austria,
+Prussia, and Bavaria. I was often malicious enough for a half wish that
+Drake should have a spicy devil in the shafts, just for once, to show
+him a trick or two; and in the same spirit, Tom, I cannot help saying
+that I 'd like to see John Bull "put to" in this fashion! Would n't he
+kick up,--would n't he soon knock the whole concern to atoms! Ah, Tom,
+it's all alike, believe me; and whether you have to drive a nag or a
+nation, take my word for it, the kicking-straps are only efficacious
+when the beast has n't a kick in him! At all events, such are not the
+popular notions here; and on they go, building fortresses, strengthening
+garrisons, and reinforcing army corps, till at last the military will be
+more numerous than the nation, and every prisoner will have two jailers
+to restrain him. "Who is to pay?" becomes the question; but indeed
+that is the very question that puzzles me now. Who pays for all this
+at present? Is it possible that a people will suffer itself to be taxed
+that it may be bullied? I 'm unable to continue this theme, for there go
+the drums again,--there are forty of them at it now! What's in the wind
+I can't guess. Oh, here's the explanation. It is the Herr Commandant--be
+sure you accent the last syllable--is come to pay me a visit, and the
+guard has turned out to drum him upstairs!
+
+
+Four o'clock.
+
+He is gone at last,--I thought he never would,--and I have
+only time to say that he has appointed to-morrow after breakfast, to
+show me the fortress, and as I am too late for the post, I 'll be able
+to add a line or two before this leaves me. Mary Anne has come to say
+that her mother's head is distracted, and that she cannot endure the
+uproar of the place. My reply is, "Mine is exactly in the same way; but
+I cannot go any further,--I 've no money."
+
+Mrs. D. "thinks she'll go mad!" If she means it in earnest, this is as
+cheap a place to do it in as any I know. We are only to pay two pounds a
+week each, and I suppose whether we preserve our senses or not makes no
+difference in the expense! This would sound very unfeelingly, Tom, but
+that you are well aware of Mrs. D. 's system, and that she gives notice
+of a motion without any intention of going to a debate, much less of
+pressing for a "division." Mary Anne is very urgent that I should see
+her mother, but I am not quite equal to it yet Maybe after visiting
+the fortress to-morrow I'll be in a more martial mood; and now here's
+dinner, and a most savory odor preludes it.
+
+
+Tuesday.
+
+This must go as it is, Tom,--I 'm dead beat! That old veteran
+would n't let me off a casemate nor a bomb-proof, and I have walked
+twenty miles this blessed morning! Nor is that all; but I have
+handled shot, lifted cannon-balls, adjusted mortars, and peeped out of
+embrasures, till my back is half broken with straining and fatigue. Just
+to judge from what I 'm suffering, a siege must be a dreadful thing!
+He says be showed me everything; and, upon my conscience, I can well
+believe it! There was a great deal of it, too, that I saw in the dark,
+for there was no end of galleries without a single loophole, and many of
+the passages seemed only four feet high; for, though a short man, I had
+to stoop. I ought to have a great deal to say about this place, if
+I could remember it, or if I could be sure it would interest you. It
+appears that Rastadt is built upon an entirely new principle, quite
+distinct from any hitherto in use. It must be attacked _en ricochet_,
+and not directly; a hint, I suppose, they stole from our common law,
+where they fire into _you_, by pretending to assail John Doe or Richard
+Roe. The Commandant sneered at the old system, but I 'd rather trust
+myself in Gibraltar, notwithstanding all he said. It stands to reason,
+Tom, that if you are up in a window you have a great advantage over a
+fellow down in the street. Now, all these modern fortresses are what is
+called "_à fleur d'eau_" quite level, and not raised in the least over
+the attacking force. Put me up high, say I; if on a parapet, so much the
+better; and besides, Tom, nothing gives a man such coolness as to know
+that he is all as one as out of danger! Of course, I did n't make this
+remark to the Commandant, because in talking with military people it is
+good tact always to assume that being shot at is rather pleasant than
+otherwise; and so I have observed that they themselves generally make
+use of some jocular phrase or other to express being killed and wounded;
+"he was knocked over," "he got an ugly poke," being the more popular
+mode of recording what finished a man's existence, or made the remainder
+of it miserable.
+
+Soldiering has always struck me as an insupportable line of life. I have
+no objection in the world to fight the man who has injured _me_, nor to
+give satisfaction where I have been the offender; but to go patiently
+to work to learn how to destroy somebody I never saw and never heard of,
+_does_ seem absurd and unchristianlike altogether. You say, "He is the
+enemy of my country, and, consequently, mine." Let me see that; let me
+be sure of it. If he invades us, I know that he is an enemy; but if he
+is only occupied about his own affairs,--if he is simply hunting out a
+nest of old squatters that he is tired of,--if he is merely changing the
+sign of his house, and instead of the "Lily" prefers to live under the
+"Cock," or maybe the "Drone-bee," what have I to say to that? So long as
+he stays at home, and only "gets drunk on the premises," I have no right
+to meddle with him. It's all very well to say that nobody likes to have
+a disorderly house in his neighborhood. Very true; but you ought n't
+to go in and murder the residents to keep them quiet. There 's the mail
+gone by, and I have forgotten to send this off. It's a wonderful thing
+how living in Germany makes a man long-winded and tiresome. It must be
+the air, at least with me, or the cookery, for I am perfectly innocent
+of the language. The "mysterious gutturals," as Macaulay calls them,
+will ever be mysteries to _me!_ At all events, to prevent further
+indiscretions, I 'll close this and seal it now. And so, with my sincere
+regards, believe me, dear Tom, ever yours,
+
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+
+Address me, "Golden Ox,"--I mean at the sign of,--Rastadt, for you 're
+sure of finding me here for the next four weeks at least.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXXV. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+
+"The Golden Ox," Rastadt.
+
+My dearest kitty,--I have only time for a few and very hurried lines,
+written with trembling fingers and a heart audible in its palpitations!
+Yes, dearest, an eventful moment has arrived,--the dread instant has
+come, on which my whole future destiny must depend. It was last night,
+just as I was making papa's tea, that a servant arrived on horseback at
+the inn with a letter addressed to the Right Honorable and Reverend the
+Lord Dodd de Dodsborough. This, of course, could only mean papa, and so
+he opened and read it, for it was in English, dearest, or at least in
+imitation of that language.
+
+I refrain from quoting the precise expressions, lest in circumstances so
+serious a smile of passing levity should cross those dear features, now
+all tension with anxiety for your own Mary Anne. The letter was from
+Adolf von Wolfenschafer, making me an offer of his hand, title, and
+fortune! I swooned away when I heard it, and only recovered to hear papa
+still spelling out the strange phraseology of the letter.
+
+I wish he had not written in English, Kitty. It is provoking that an
+event so naturally serious in itself should be alloyed with the dross of
+grammatical absurdities; besides that, really, our tongue does not lend
+itself to those delicate and half-vanishing allusions to future bliss so
+germane to such a proposal. Papa, and James, too, I must say, evinced
+a want of regard to my feelings, and an absence of that fine sympathy
+which I should have looked for at a moment like this. They actually
+screamed with laughter, Kitty, at little lapses of orthography, when the
+subject might reasonably have imposed far different emotions.
+
+"Why, it's a proposal of marriage!" exclaimed papa, "and I thought it a
+summons from the police."
+
+"Egad, so it is!" cried James. "It's an offer to you, Mary Anne. 'The
+Baron Adolf von Wolfenschàfer, Frei-herr von Schweinbraten and Ritter of
+the Order of the Cock of Tubingen, maketh hereby, and not the less,
+that with future-coming-time-to-be-proved-and-experienced affection,
+the profound humility of an offer of himself, with all his
+to-be-named-and-enumerated belongings, both in effects and majorats, to
+the lovely and very beautiful Miss, the first daughter of the Venerable
+and very Honorable the Lord Dodd de Dodsborough.'"
+
+[Illustration: 470]
+
+"Pray stop, James," said I; "this is scarcely a fitting matter for
+coarse jesting, nor is my heart to be made the theme for indelicate
+banter."
+
+"The letter is a gem," said he, and went on: "'The so-named
+A. von W., overflowing with a mild but in-heaven-soaring and
+never-to-earth-descending love, expecteth, in all the pendulating
+anxieties of a never-at-any-moment-to-be-distrusted devotion--'"
+
+"Papa, I really beg and request that I may not be trifled with in this
+unfeeling manner. The Baron's intentions are sufficiently clear and
+explicit, nor are we now engaged in the work of correcting his English
+epistolary style."
+
+This I said haughtily, Kitty; and Mister James at last thought proper to
+recover some respect for my feelings.
+
+"Why, I never suspected you could take the thing seriously, dear Mary
+Anne," said he. "If I only thought--"
+
+"And pray, why not, James? I'm sure the Baron's ancient birth--his rank,
+his fortune--his position, in fact--"
+
+"Of all of which we know nothing," broke in papa.
+
+"But of which you may know everything," said I; "for here, at the
+postscript, is an invitation to us all to pass some weeks at the
+Schloss, in the Black Forest, his ancestral seat."
+
+"Or, as he styles it," broke in James, impertinently, "'the very
+old castle, where for numerous centuries his high-blooded and
+on-lofty-eminence-standing ancestors did sit,' and where now
+'his with-years-bestricken but not-the-less-on-that-account-sharp
+with-intelligence-begifted parent father doth reside.'"
+
+"Read that again, James," said papa.
+
+"Pray allow me, sir," said I, taking the letter. "The invitation is
+a most hospitable request that we should go and pass some time at his
+chateau, and name the earliest day our convenience will permit for the
+visit."
+
+"He spoke of capital shooting there!" cried James. "He told me that the
+Auer-Hahu, a kind of black-cock, abounds in that country."
+
+"And I remember, too, that he mentioned some wonderful Steinberger,--a
+cabinet wine, full two hundred years in wood!" chimed in papa.
+
+I wished, dearest Kitty, that they could have entertained the
+subject-matter of the letter without these "contingent remainders," and
+not mix up my future fate with either wine or wild fowl; but they really
+were so carried away by the pleasures so peculiarly adapted to their own
+feelings that they at once said, and in a breath too, "Write him word
+'Yes,' by all means!"
+
+"Do you mean for his offer of marriage, papa?" asked I, with struggling
+indignation.
+
+"By George, I had forgotten all about that," said he. "We must
+deliberate a bit. Your mother, too, will expect to be consulted. Take
+the letter upstairs to her; or, better still, just say that I want to
+speak to her myself."
+
+As papa and mamma had not met nor spoken together since his return, I
+willingly embraced this opportunity of restoring them to intercourse
+with each other.
+
+"Don't go away, Mary Anne," said James, as I was about to seek my own
+room, for I dreaded being left alone, and exposed to his unfeeling
+banter; "I want to speak to you." This he said with a tone of kindness
+and interest which at once decided me to remain. He wore a look of
+seriousness, Kitty, that I have seldom, if ever, seen in his features,
+and spoke in a tone that, to my ears, was new from him.
+
+"Let me be your friend, Mary Anne," said he, "and the better to be so,
+let me talk to you in all frankness and sincerity. If I say one single
+word that can hurt your feelings, put it down to the true account,--that
+I 'd rather do even such than suffer you to take the most eventful step
+in all your life without weighing every consequence of it Answer me,
+then, two or three questions that I shall ask you, but as truly and
+unreservedly as though you were at confession."
+
+I sat down beside him, and with my hand in his.
+
+"Now, first of all, Mary Anne," said he, "do you love this Baron von
+Wolfenschafer?"
+
+Who ever could answer such a question in one word, Kitty? How seldom
+does it occur in life that all the circumstances of any man's position
+respond to the ambitious imaginings of a girl's heart! He may be
+handsome, and yet poor; he may be rich, and yet low-born; intellectual,
+and yet his great gifts may be alloyed with infirmities of temper;
+he may be coldly natured, secret, self-contained, uncommunicative,--a
+hundred things that one does not like,--and yet, with all these
+drawbacks, what the world calls an "excellent match."
+
+I believe very few people marry the person they wish to marry. I fancy
+that such instances are the rarest things imaginable. It is a question
+of compensation throughout,--you accept this, notwithstanding that;
+you put up with _that_, for the sake of this! Of course, dearest, I am
+rejecting here all belief in the "greatest happiness principle" as a
+stupid fallacy, that only imposes upon elderly gentlemen when they marry
+their housekeeper. I speak of the considerations which weigh with a
+young girl who has moved in society, who knows its requirements, and can
+estimate all that contributes to what is called a "position."
+
+This little digression of mine will give you to understand what was
+passing in my mind as James sat waiting for my reply.
+
+"So, then," said he, at last, "the question is not so easily answered
+as I suspected; and we will now pass to another one. Are your affections
+already engaged elsewhere?"
+
+What could I say, Kitty, but "No! decidedly not." The embarrassment,
+however, so natural to an inquiry like this, made me blush and seem
+confused; and James, perceiving it, said,--
+
+"Poor fellow, it will be a sad blow to _him_, for I know he loved you."
+
+I tried to look astonished, angry, unconscious,--anything, in fact,
+which should convey displeasure and surprise together; but with that
+want of tact so essentially fraternal, he went on,--
+
+"It was almost the last thing he said to me at parting, 'Don't let her
+forget me!'"
+
+"May I venture to inquire," said I, haughtily, "of whom you are
+speaking?"
+
+Simple and inoffensive as the words were, Kitty, they threw him into an
+ungovernable passion; he stamped, and stormed, and swore fearfully. He
+called me "a heartless coquette," "an unfeeling flirt," and a variety of
+epithets equally mellifluous as well merited.
+
+I drew my embroidery-frame before me quite calmly under this torrent of
+abuse, and worked away at my pattern of the "Faithful Shepherd," singing
+to myself all the time.
+
+"Are you really as devoid of feeling as this, Mary Anne?" asked he.
+
+"My dear brother," said I, "don't you wish excessively for a commission
+in a regiment of Hussars or Lancers? Well, as your great merits have
+not been recognized at the Horse Guards, would you feel justified in
+refusing an appointment to the Rifle Brigade?"
+
+"What has all this to say to what we are discussing?" cried he, angrily.
+
+"Just everything," replied I; "but as you cannot make the application,
+you must excuse _me_ if I decline the task also."
+
+"And so you mean to be a baroness?" said he, rudely.
+
+I courtesied profoundly to him, and he flung out of the room with a bang
+that nearly brought the door down. In a moment after, mamma was in my
+arms, overcome with tenderness and emotion.
+
+"I have carried the day, my dearest child," said she. "We are to accept
+the invitation, at all events, and we set out to-morrow."
+
+I have no time for more, Kitty, for all our preparations for departure
+have yet to be made. What fate awaits me I know not, nor can I even
+fancy what may be the future of your ever attached and devoted friend,
+
+Mary Anne Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXXVI. MRS. DODD TO MRS. MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH.
+
+SCHLOSS, WOLFENFELS
+
+My dear Molly,--It is only since we came to the elegant place, the hard
+name of which I have written at the top of this letter, that my
+feelings have subsided into the calm seriousness adapted to epistolary
+correspondence. From the day that K. I. returned, my life has been like
+the parallax of a fever! The man was never possessed of any refined or
+exalted sentiments; but the woman, this Mrs. G. H.--I could n't write
+the name in full if you were to give me twenty pounds for it--made him
+far worse with self-conceit and vanity. If you knew the way my time is
+passed, "taking it out of him," Molly, showing him how ridiculous he is,
+and why everybody is laughing at him, you 'd pity me. As to gratitude,
+my dear, he hasn't a notion of it; and he feels no more thankful to
+me for what I 've gone through than if I was indulging him in all his
+nefarious propensities. It is a weary task; and the only wonder is how I
+'m able to go on with it.
+
+"Have n't you done yet, Mrs. D.?" said he, the other morning. "Don't you
+think that you might grant me a little peace now?"
+
+"I wish to the saints I had," said I; "it's bringing me to the grave,
+it is; but I have a duty to perform, and as long as my tongue can wag, I
+'ll do it! When I 'm gone, K. I.," said I,--"when I 'm gone, you 'll not
+have to say, 'It was her fault,--it was all her doing. Jemima never said
+this; she never told me that.'" I vow and declare to you here, Molly,
+that there is n't a thing a woman could say to a man, that I haven't
+said to him; and as I remarked yesterday, "If I have n't taken the
+self-conceit out of you now, it is because it's grained in your
+nature,"--I believe, indeed, I said, "in your filthy nature."
+
+When we left Baden, we came to a place called Rastadt, a great
+fortification that they 're making, as they tell me, to defend the
+Rhine; but, between ourselves, it's as far from the river as our house
+at Dodsborough is from Kelly's mills. There we stopped three weeks,--I
+believe in the confident hope of K. I. that I could n't survive the
+uproarious tumult. They were drilling or training horses, or firing
+guns, or flogging recruits under our windows, from sunrise to sunset;
+and although at first the novelty was, amusing, you grew, at last, so
+tormented and teased with the noise that your very brain ached from it.
+
+"I wonder," said I, one night, "that you never thought of taking
+furnished apartments in Barrack Street! It ought to be to your taste."
+
+"It's not unlikely, ma'am, that I may end my days in that neighborhood,"
+said he, tartly, "for I believe it's very convenient to the sheriff's
+prison."
+
+"I was alluding to your military tastes," said I. "One might suppose you
+were meant for a great general."
+
+"I might have claim to the character, ma'am," said he, "if being always
+under fire signified anything,--always exposed to attack."
+
+"Oh, but," said I, "you forget she has retired her forces,"--I meant
+Mrs. G., Molly; "she took pity on your poor unprotected situation!"
+
+"Look now, Mrs. D.," said he, with a blow of his fist on the table, "if
+there 's another word--one syllable more on this matter, may I never
+sign my name K. I. again, if I don't walk you back, every one of you, to
+Dodsborough! It was an evil hour that saw us leave it, but it would be a
+joyous one that brings us back again."
+
+When, he grows so brutal as that, Molly, I never utter a word. 'T is n't
+to-day nor yesterday that I learned to be a martyr; so that all I did
+was to wait a minute or two, and then go off in strong hysterics! and,
+indeed, I don't know anything that provokes him more.
+
+I give you this as a slight sample of the way we lived, with occasional
+diversions on the subject of expense, the extravagance of James, his
+idleness, and so forth; pleasant topics, and amusing for a family
+circle. Indeed, Molly, I'm ashamed to own that my natural spirit was
+beginning to break down under it. I felt that all the blood of the
+M'Carthys was weak to resist such inhuman cruelty; and whether it was
+the climate, or what, I don't know, but crying did n't give me the same
+relief it used. I suppose the fact is that one exhausts the natural
+resources of one's constitution; but I think I 'm not so old but that a
+good hearty cry ought to be a comfort to me.
+
+This is how affairs was, when, about a week ago, came a servant on
+horseback, with a letter for K. I. I was sitting up at my window, with
+the blinds down, when I saw the man get off and enter the inn, and the
+first thought that struck me was that it was Mrs. G. herself sent him.
+"I 've caught you," says I to myself; and throwing on my dressing-gown,
+I slipped downstairs. It was K. I. and James were together talking, so
+I just waited a second at the door to listen. "If I had a voice in the
+family,"--it was K. I. said this,--"if I had a voice in the family,"
+said he, "I 'd refuse. These kind of things always turn out ill,--people
+calculate so much upon affection; but the truth is, marrying for love
+is like buying a pair of Russia-duck trousers to wear through the year.
+They 'll do beautifully in summer, and even an odd day in the autumn;
+but in the cold and rainy reason they 'll be downright ridiculous."
+
+"Still," said James, "the offer sounds like a great one."
+
+"All glitter, maybe. I distrust them all, James. At any rate, say
+nothing about it to your mother till I think it over a bit."
+
+"And why not say anything to his mother?" says I, bouncing into the
+room. "Am I nobody in the family?"
+
+"Bedad you are!" said K. I., with a heavy sigh.
+
+"Haven't I an opinion of my own, eh?"
+
+"That you have!" said he.
+
+"And don't I stand to it, too!--eh, Kenny James?"
+
+"Your worst enemy couldn't deny it!" said he, shaking his head.
+
+"Then what's all this about?" said I, snatching the letter out of his
+hands. But though I tried with my double eyeglass, Molly, it was no
+use, for the writing was in a German hand, not to say anything of the
+language.
+
+"Well, ma'am," said K. I., with a grin, "I hope the contents are
+pleasing to you?" And before I could fly out at him, James broke in:
+"It's a proposal for Mary Anne, mother. The young Baron that we met at
+Bonn makes her an offer of his hand and fortune, and invites us all to
+his castle in the Black Forest as a preliminary step."
+
+"Isn't that to your taste, Mrs. D.?" said K. I., with another grin.
+"High connection--nobility--great family,--eh?"
+
+"I don't think," said I, "that, considering the step I took myself in
+life, anybody can reproach me with prejudices of that kind." The step I
+took! Molly, I said the words with a sneer that made him purple.
+
+"What's his fortune, James?" said I.
+
+"Heaven knows! but he must have a stunning income. This Castle of
+Wolfenfels is in all the print-shops of the town. It's a thing as large
+as Windsor, and surrounded by miles of forest."
+
+"My poor child," said I, "I always knew where you 'd be at last; and
+it's only two nights ago I had a dream of taking grease out of my yellow
+satin. I thought I was rubbing and scrubbing at it with all my might."
+
+"And what did that portend, ma'am?" said K. I., with his usual sneer.
+
+"Can't you guess?" said I. "Might n't it mean an effort to get rid
+of the stain of a low connection?" Was n't that a home-thrust, Molly?
+Faith, he felt it so!
+
+"Mrs. D.," said he, gravely, and as if after profound thought, "this
+is a question of our child's happiness for life-long, and if we are
+to discuss it at all, let it be without any admixture of attack or
+recrimination."
+
+"Who began it?" said I.
+
+"You did, my dear," said he.
+
+"I did n't," said I; "and I 'm not 'your dear.' Oh, you needn't sigh
+that way; your case isn't half so bad as you think it, but, like all
+men, you fancy yourself cruelly treated whenever the slightest bar is
+placed to your bad passions. You argue as if wickedness was good for
+your constitution."
+
+"Have you done?" said he.
+
+"Not yet," said I, taking a chair in front of him.
+
+"When you have, then," said he, "call me, for I 'll go out and sit
+on the stairs." But I put my back to the door, Molly, so that he had
+nothing for it but to resume his seat. "Let us move the order of the
+day, Mrs. D.," said he,--"this business of Mary Anne. My opinion of it
+is told in few words. These mixed marriages seldom succeed. Even with
+long previous intimacy, suitable fortune, and equality of station,
+there is that in a difference of nationality that opens a hundred
+discrepancies in taste, feeling--"
+
+"Bother!" said I, "we have just as much when we come from the same
+stock."
+
+"Sometimes," said he, sighing.
+
+"Here's what he says, mother," said James, and read out the letter,
+which I am bound to say, Molly, was a curiosity in its way; for though
+it had such a strange look, it turned out to be in English, or at least
+what the Baron thought was such. Happily there was no mistaking the
+meaning; and as I said to K. I., "At least there 's one thing in the
+Baron's favor,--there's neither deceit nor subterfuge about him. He
+makes his proposal like a man!" And let me tell you, Molly, we live in
+an age when even that same is a virtue; for really, with the liberties
+that's allowed, and the way girls goes on, there 's no saying what
+intentions men have at all!
+
+Some mothers make a point of never seeing anything; but that may be
+carried too far, particularly abroad, my dear. Others are for always
+being dragons, but that is sure to scare off the men; and as I say,
+what's the use of birdlime if you 're always shouting and screaming!
+
+My notion is, Molly, that a moderate degree of what the French call
+"surveillance" is the right thing,--a manner that seems to say, "I 'm
+looking at you: I'm not against innocent enjoyments, and so forth, but
+I won't stand any nonsense, nor falling in love." Many 's the time the
+right man is scared away by a new flirtation, that meant nothing. "She's
+too gay for _me_--she has a look in her eye, or a toss of the head, or
+a--Heaven knows--I don't like."
+
+"Does she care for him?" said K. I. "Does Mary Anne care for
+him?--that's the question."
+
+"Of course she does," said I. "If a girl's affections are not engaged in
+some other quarter, she always cares for the man that proposes for her.
+Is n't he a good match?"
+
+"He as much as says so himself."
+
+"And a Baron?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"And has an elegant place, with a park of miles round it?"
+
+"So he says."
+
+"Well, then, I 'm sure I see nothing to prevent her being attached to
+him."
+
+"At all events, let us speak to her," said he, and sent James upstairs
+to fetch her down.
+
+Short as the time was that he was away, it was enough for K. I. to get
+into one of his passions, just because I gave him the friendly caution
+that he ought to be delicate and guarded in the way he mentioned the
+matter to Mary Anne.
+
+"Is n't she my daughter?" said he, with a stamp of his foot; and just
+for that, Molly, I would n't give him the satisfaction to say she is.
+
+"I ask you," cried he again, "isn't she my daughter?"
+
+Not a syllable would I answer him.
+
+"Well, maybe she is n't," said he; "but my authority over her is all the
+same."
+
+"Oh, you can be as cruel and tyrannical as you please," said I.
+
+"Look now, Mrs. D.--" said he; but, fortunately, Molly, just at that
+moment James and his sister came in, and he stopped suddenly.
+
+"Oh, dearest papa," cried Mary Anne, falling at his feet, and hiding her
+face in her hands, "how can I leave you, and dear, dear mamma?"
+
+"That's what we are going to talk over, my dear," said he, quite dryly,
+and taking a pinch of snuff.
+
+"Your father is never overpowered by his commotions, my love," said I.
+
+"To forsake my happy home!" sobbed Mary Anne, as if her heart was
+breaking. "Oh, what an agony to think of!"
+
+"To be sure it is," said K. I., in the same hard, husky voice; "but it's
+what we see done every day. Ask your mother--"
+
+"Don't ask me to justify it," said I. "_My_ experiences go all the other
+way."
+
+"At any rate you ventured on the experiment," said he, with a grin.
+Then, turning to Mary Anne, he went on: "I see that James has informed
+you on this affair, and it only remains for me now to ask you what your
+sentiments are.
+
+"Oh, my poor heart!" said she, pressing her hand to her side, "how can I
+divide its allegiance?"
+
+"Don't try that, at all events," said he, "for though I never thought
+him a suitable match for you, my dear, if you really do feel an
+attachment to Peter Belton--"
+
+"Of course I do not, papa."
+
+"Of course she does not--never did--never could," said I.
+
+"So much the better," said he; "and now for this Baron von--I never can
+remember his name--do you think you could be happy with him? Or do
+you know enough of his temper, tastes, and disposition to answer that
+question?"
+
+"I 'm sure he is a most amiable person; he is exceedingly clever and
+accomplished--"
+
+"I don't care a brass bodkin for all that," broke in K. I. "A man may be
+as wise as the bench of bishops, and be a bad husband."
+
+"Let _me_ talk to Mary Anne," said I. It's only a female heart, Molly,
+understands these cases; for men discuss them as if they were matters of
+reason! And with that I marched her off with me to my own room.
+
+I need n't tell you all I said, nor what she replied to me; but this
+much I will say, a more sensible girl I never saw. She took in the whole
+of our situation at once. She perceived that there was no saying how
+long K. I. might be induced to remain abroad; it might be, perhaps,
+to-morrow, or next day, that he'd decide to go back to Ireland. What a
+position we 'd be in, then! "I don't doubt," says she, "but if time were
+allowed me, I could do better than this. With the knowledge I have now
+of life, I feel very confident; but if we are to be marched off before
+the campaign begins, mamma, how are we to win our laurels?" Them's her
+words, Molly, and they express her meaning beautifully.
+
+We agreed at last that the best thing was to accept the invitation to
+the castle, and when we saw the place, and the way of living, we could
+then decide on the offer of marriage.
+
+If I could only repeat to you the remarks Mary Anne made about this, you
+'d see what a girl she was, and what a wonderful degree of intelligence
+she possesses. Even on the point that K. I. himself raised a doubt,--the
+difference of nationality and language,--she summed up the whole
+question in a few words. Her observation was, that this very
+circumstance was rather an advantage than otherwise, "as offering a
+barrier against the over-intimacy and over-familiarity that is the bane
+of married life."
+
+"The fact is, mamma," said she, "people do not conform to each other.
+They make a show of doing so, and they become hypocrites,--great
+or little ones, as their talents decide for them,--but their real
+characters remain at bottom unchanged. Now, married to a foreigner,
+a woman need not even affect to assume his tastes and habits. She may
+always follow her own, and set them down, whatever they be, to the score
+of her peculiar nationality."
+
+She is really, Molly, an astonishing girl, and in all that regards life
+and knowledge of mankind, I never met her equal. As to Caroline, she
+never could have made such a remark. The advantages of the Continent are
+clean thrown away on her; she knows no more of the world than the day we
+left Dodsborough. Indeed, I sometimes half regret that we did n't leave
+her behind with the Doolans; for I observe that whenever foreign travel
+fails in inculcating new refinement and genteel notions, it is sure to
+strengthen all old prejudices, and suggest a most absurd attachment to
+one's own country; and when that happens to be Ireland, Molly, I need
+scarcely say how injurious the tendency is! It's very dreadful, my
+dear, but it's equally true, whenever anything is out of fashion, in bad
+taste, vulgar, or common, you 're sure to hear it called Irish, though,
+maybe, it never crossed the Channel; and out of self-defence one is
+obliged to adopt the custom.
+
+On one point Mary Anne and myself were both agreed. It is next to
+impossible for any one but a banker's daughter, or in the ballet, to get
+a husband in the peerage at home. The nobility, with us, are either very
+cunning or very foolish. As to the gentry class, they never think of
+them at all. The consequence is, that a girl who wishes for a title must
+take a foreigner. Now, Molly, German nobility is mightily like German
+silver,--it has only a look of the real article; but if you can't afford
+the right thing, it is better than the vulgar metal!
+
+Mary Anne has declared, over and over again, that nothing would induce
+her to be Mrs. Anybody. As she says, "Your whole life is passed in
+a struggle, if not heralded by a designation, even though it only be
+'Madame.'" And sure nobody knows this better than I do. Has n't the
+odious name weighed me down for years past?
+
+"Take him, then, my dear child," said I,--"take him, then, and may you
+have luck in your choice! It will be a consolation to me, in all my
+troubles and trials, to know that one of my girls at least sustains the
+honor of her mother's family. You 'll be a baroness, at all events."
+
+She pressed my hand affectionately, Molly, but said nothing. I saw
+that the poor dear child was n't doing it all without some sacrifice or
+other; but I was too prudent to ask questions. There 's nothing, in my
+opinion, does such mischief as the system of probing and poking into
+wounds of the affections; it's the sure way to keep them open, and
+prevent their healing; so that I kept on, never minding, and only talked
+of "the Baron."
+
+"It will kill the Davises," said she, at last; "they'll die of spite
+when they hear it."
+
+"That they will," said I; "and they'll deny it to all the neighbors,
+till it's copied into the country papers out of the 'Morning Post' What
+will become of all their sneering remarks about going abroad now, I
+wonder! Faith, my dear, you might live long enough at Bruff without
+seeing a baron."
+
+"I think Mr. Peter, too, will at last perceive the outrageous absurdity
+of his pretensions," said she. "The Castle of Wolfenfels is not exactly
+like the village dispensary."
+
+In a word, my dear Molly, we considered the question in all its
+bearings, and agreed that though we had rather he was a viscount, with
+a fine estate at home, yet that the thing was still too good to refuse.
+"It's a fine position," said Mary Anne, "and I'll see if I can't improve
+it." We agreed, as Caroline was so happy where she was,--on a visit with
+this Mrs. Morris,--that we 'd leave her there a little longer; for,
+as Mary Anne remarked, "She's so natural and so frank and so very
+confiding, she'll just tell everything about us, and spoil all!" And
+it is true, Molly. That girl has no more notion of the difficulties it
+costs us to be what we are, and where we are, than if she was n't one of
+the family. She's a regular Dodd, and no more need be said.
+
+The next day, you may be sure, was n't an idle one. We had to pack all
+our things, to get a new livery made for Paddy Byrne, and to hire a
+travelling-carriage, so that we might make our appearance in a style
+becoming us. Betty, too, had to be drilled how she was to behave in a
+great house full of servants, and taught not to expose us by any of her
+outlandish ways. Mary Anne had her up to eat before her, and teach her
+various politenesses; but the saints alone can tell how the lesson will
+prosper.
+
+We started from Rastadt in great style,--six posters, and a riding
+courier in front, to order relays on the road. Even the sight of it,
+Molly, and the tramp of the horses, and the jingle of the bells on the
+harness, all did me good, for I 'm of a susceptible nature; and what
+between my sensations at the moment, and the thought of all before us, I
+cried heartily for the first two stages.
+
+"If it overcomes you so much," said K. I., "don't you think you'd better
+turn back?"
+
+Did you ever hear brutality like that speech, Molly? I ask you, in all
+your experience of life, did you ever know of any man that could make
+himself so odious? You may be sure I did n't cry much after that! I made
+it so comfortable to him that he was glad to exchange places with Betty,
+and get into the rumble for the remainder of the journey.
+
+Betty herself, too, was in one of her blessed tempers, all because Mary
+Anne would n't let her stick all the old artificial flowers, that were
+thrown away, over her bonnet. As Mary Anne said to her, "she only wanted
+wax-candles to be like a Christmas-tree." The consequence was that she
+cried and howled all the way, till we dined; after that she slept and
+snored awfully. To mend matters, Paddy got very drunk, and had to be
+tied on the box, and drew a crowd round us, at every place we changed
+horses, by his yells. In other respects the journey was agreeable.
+
+We supped at a place called Offenburg; and, indeed, I thought we 'd
+never get away from it, for K. I. found out that the landlord could
+speak English, and was, besides, a great farmer; and, in spite of
+Mary Anne and myself, he had the man in to supper, and there they sat,
+smoking, and drinking, and prosing about clover and green crops
+and flax, and such things, till past midnight. However, it did one
+thing,--it made K. I. good-humored for the rest of the way; for the
+truth is, Molly, the nature of the man is unchanged, and, I believe,
+unchangeable. Do what we will, take him where we may, give him all the
+advantages of high life and genteel society, but his heart will still
+cling to yearling heifers and ewes; and he'd rather be at Ballinasloe
+than a ball at Buckingham Palace.
+
+We ought to have been at Freyburg in time to sleep, but we did n't get
+there till breakfast hour. I 'm mighty particular about all the names of
+these places, Molly, for it will amuse you to trace our journey on the
+celestial globe in the schoolroom, and then you'll perceive how we are
+going "round the world" in earnest.
+
+After breakfast we went to see the cathedral of the town. It is really
+a fine sight; and the carving that's thrown away in dark, out-of-the-way
+places, would make two other churches. The most beautiful thing of all,
+however, is an image of the Virgin, sheltering under her cloak more than
+a dozen cardinals and bishops. She is looking down at the creatures--for
+they are all made small in comparison--with an angelical smile, as much
+as to say, "Keep quiet, and nobody will see you." I suppose she wants
+to get them into heaven "unknownst;" or, as James rather irreverently
+expressed it, "going to do it by a dodge." To judge by their faces, they
+are not quite at their ease; they seem to think that their case isn't
+too good, and that it will go hard with them if they 're found out! And
+I suppose, my dear Molly, that's the way with the best of us. Sure, with
+all our plotting and scheming for the good of our children, after lives
+of every kind of device, ain't we often masses of corruption?--isn't our
+very best thoughts, sometimes, wicked enough? Them was exactly my own
+meditations, as I sat alone in a dark corner of the church, musing and
+reflecting, and only brought to myself as I heard K. I. fighting with
+one of the "beagles"--I think they call them--about a bad groschen in
+change!
+
+"I'm never in a heavenly frame of mind, K. I." said I to him, "that you
+don't bring me back to earthly feelings with your meanness."
+
+"If you told me you were going to heaven, Mrs. D.," said he, "I would
+n't have brought you out of it for worlds!"
+
+It did n't need the grin that he gave, to show me what the meaning of
+this speech was. The old wretch said as much as that he wished me dead
+and buried; so I just gave him a look, and passed out of the church with
+contempt. Oh, Molly, Molly, whatever may be your spire in life, never
+descend from it for a husband!
+
+You 'll laugh when I tell you that we left this place by the Valley of
+Hell. That's the name of it; and so far as gloom and darkness goes,
+not a bad name either. It is a deep, narrow glen, with only room for a
+narrow road at the bottom of it, and over your head the rocks seem ready
+to tumble down and crush you to atoms. Instead, too, of getting through
+it as fast as we could, K. I. used to stop the carriage, and get out
+to "examine the position," as he called it; for it seems that a great
+French general once made a wonderful retreat through this same pass
+years ago. K. I. and James had bought a map, and this they used to
+spread out on the ground; and sometimes they got into disputing about
+the name of this place or that, so that the Valley of Hell had its share
+of torments for me and Mary Anne before we got out of it.
+
+At a little lake called the "Titi See"--be sure you look for it on the
+globe, and you'll know it by a small island in it with willow-trees--we
+found that the Baron had sent horses to meet us, and eight miles more
+brought us to the place of our destiny. I own to you, Molly, that I
+could have cried with sheer disappointment, when I found we were in
+the demesne without knowing it. I was always looking out for a grand
+entrance,--maybe an archway between two towers, like Nockslobber Castle,
+or an elegant cut-stone building, with a lodge at each side, like Dolly
+Mount; but there we were, Molly, driving through deep clay roads, with
+great fields of maize at each side of us, and neither a gate nor a
+hedge,--not a bit of paling to be seen anywhere. There were trees
+enough, but they were ugly pines and firs, or beech, with all the lower
+branches lopped away for firewood. We had two miles or more of this
+interesting landscape, and then we came out upon a great wide space
+planted with mangel and beetroot, and all cut up with little drains, or
+canals of running water; and in the middle of this, like a great, big,
+black, dirty jail, stood the Castle of Wolfenfels. I give you my first
+impressions honestly, Molly, because, on nearer acquaintance, I have
+lived to see them changed.
+
+I must say our reception drove all other thoughts away. The old Baron
+was confined to his room with the gout, and could n't come down to meet
+us; but the discharge of cannon, the sounds of music, and the joyful
+shouts of the people--of whom there were some hundreds assembled--was
+really imposing.
+
+The young Baron, too, looked far more awake and alive than he used to do
+at Bonn; and he was dressed in a kind of uniform that rather became
+him. He was overjoyed at our arrival, and kissed K. I. and James on both
+cheeks, and made them look very much ashamed before all the people.
+
+"Never was my poor castle so much honored," said he, "since the King
+of--somewhere I forget--came to pass the night here with my ancestor,
+Conrad von Wolfenschafer; and that was in the sixth century."
+
+"Begad, it's easy to see you have had no encumbered estates court," said
+K. I., "or you would n't be here to tell us that."
+
+"My ancestor did not hold from the King," said he. "He was not what you
+call a vessel!"
+
+K. I. laughed, and only said, "Faith, there's many of us mighty weak
+vessels, and very leaky besides."
+
+After that he conducted us through two lines of his menials.
+
+[Illustration: 488]
+
+"I do detest to have so many 'detainers'"--he meant retainers. "I hope
+you are less annoyed in this respect."
+
+"You don't dislike them more than I do," said K. I.; "the very name
+makes me shudder."
+
+"How your fader and I agree!" said he to Mary Anne. "We are one family
+already."
+
+And we all laughed heartily as we went to our rooms. Every country has
+its own ways and habits, but I must say, Molly, that the furniture of
+these castles is very mean. There were two children's beds for K. I. and
+myself,--at least they did not look longer than the beds in the nursery
+at home,--with what K. I. called a swansdown poultice for coverlid; no
+curtains of any kind, and the pillows as big as a small mattress. Four
+oak chairs, and a looking-glass the size of your face, and a chest of
+drawers that would n't open, and that K. I. had to make serviceable
+by lifting off the marble slab on the top,--this was all our room
+contained. There were old swords and pikes hung up in abundance, and a
+tree of the family history, framed and glazed, over the chimney,--but
+these had little to do towards making the place comfortable.
+
+"He's a good farmer, anyhow," said K. I., looking out of the window. "I
+did n't see such turnips since I left England."
+
+"I suppose he has a good steward," said I, for I began to fear that K.
+I. would make some blunder, and speak to the Baron about crops, and so
+forth.
+
+"Them drills are as neat as ever I seen," said he, half to himself.
+
+"Look now, K. I.," said I to him, gravely, "make your own remarks on
+whatever you like, but remember where we are, and that it's exactly the
+same as if we were on a visit to the Duke of Leinster at home. If you
+must ask questions about farming, always say, 'How does your steward do
+this?' 'What does he think of that?' Keep in mind that the aristocracy
+does n't dirty its fingers abroad as it does in England, with
+agricultural pursuits, and that they have neither prizes for cows nor
+cottagers!"
+
+"Mrs. D.," said he, turning on me like a tiger, "are you going to teach
+me polite breeding and genteel manners?"
+
+"I wish to the saints I could," said I, "if the lesson was only good for
+a week."
+
+"Look now," said he, "if I detect the slightest appearance of any
+drilling or training of me,--if I ever find out that you want to impose
+me on the world for anything but what I am,--may I never do any good if
+I don't disgrace you all by my behavior!"
+
+"Can you be worse?" said I.
+
+"I can," said he; "a devilish deal worse."
+
+And with that he went out of the room with a bang that nearly tore the
+door off its hinges, and never came back till late in the evening.
+
+We apologized for his not appearing at dinner by saying that he
+felt fatigued, and requested that he might be permitted to sleep on
+undisturbed; and as, happily, he did go to bed when he returned, the
+excuse succeeded.
+
+So that you see, Molly, even in the midst of splendor and greatness,
+that man's temper, and the mean ways he has, keeps me in perpetual hot
+water. I know, besides, that when he is downright angry, he never cares
+for consequences, nor counts the damage of anything. He 'd just go down
+and tell the Baron that we had n't a sixpence we could call our own;
+that Dodsborough was mortgaged for three times its value; and that,
+maybe, to-morrow or next day we 'd be sold out in the Cumbered Court.
+He 'd expose me and Mary Anne without the slightest compunctuation, and
+there 's not a family secret he would n't publish in the servants' hall!
+
+Don't I remember well, when the 55th was quartered at Bruff, he used
+to boast at the mess that he could n't give his daughters a farthing
+of fortune, when any man with proper feelings, and a respect for his
+position, would have made it seem that the girls had a snug thing quite
+at their own disposal. Isn't the world ready enough, Molly, to detect
+one's little failings and shortcomings, without our going about to put
+them in the "Hue and Cry"? But that was always the way with K. I. He
+used to say, "It's no disgrace to us if we can't do this;" "It's no
+shame if we 're not rich enough for that" But I say, it is both a shame
+and a disgrace if _it 's found out_, Molly. That's the whole of it!
+
+I used to think that coming abroad might have taught him
+something,--that he 'd see the way other people lived, and similate
+himself to their manners and customs. Not a bit of it. He grows worse
+every day. He's more of a Dodd now than the hour he left home. The
+consequence is that the whole responsibility of supporting the credit of
+the family is thrown upon me and Mary Anne. I don't mean to say that we
+are unequal to the task, but surely the whole burden need n't be laid
+upon our shoulders. That we are on the spot from which I write these
+lines is all my own doing. When we first met the young Baron at Bonn, K.
+I. tried to prejudice us against him; he used to ridicule him to James
+and the girls, and went so far as to say that he was sure he was a low
+fellow!
+
+What an elegant blunder we 'd have made if we 'd took his advice! It's
+all very fine saying he does n't "look like this "--or he has n't an
+"air of that;" sure nobody can be taken by his appearance abroad. The
+scrubbiest old snuffy creatures that go shambling about with shoes too
+big for them, airing their pocket-handkerchiefs in the sun, are dukes or
+marquises, and the elegantly dressed men in light blue frocks, all frogs
+and velvet, are just bagmen or watering-place doctors. It takes time,
+and great powers of discriminality, Molly, to divide the sheep from the
+goats; but I have got to that point at last, and I 'm proud to say that
+he must be a really shrewd hand that imposes upon your humble servant.
+
+Long as this letter is, I 'd have made it longer if I had time, for
+though we 're only a short time here, I have made many remarks to myself
+about the ways and manners of foreign country life. The post, however,
+only goes out once a week, and I don't wish to lose the occasion of
+giving you the first intelligence of where we are, what we are doing,
+and what's--with the Virgin's help--before us!
+
+Up to this, it has been all hospitalities and the honors of the house,
+and I suppose, until the old Baron is up and able to see us, we 'll hear
+no more about the marriage. At all events, you may mention the matter in
+confidence to Father John and Mrs. Clancey; and if you like to tell the
+Davises, and Tom Kelly, and Margaret, I 'm sure it will be safe with
+them. You can state that the Baron is one of the first families in
+Europe, and the richest. His great-grandfather, or mother, I forget
+which, was half-sister to the Empress of Poland, and he is related,
+in some way or other, to either the Grand Turk, or the Grand-Duke of
+Moravia,--but either will do to speak of.
+
+All the cellars under the castle are, they say, filled with gold, in
+the rough, as it came out of his mines, and as he lives in what might be
+called an unostensible manner, his yearly savings is immense. I suppose
+while the old man lives the young couple will have to conform to his
+notions, and only keep a moderate establishment; but when the Lord takes
+him, I don't know Mary Anne if she 'll not make the money fly. That I
+may be spared to witness that blessed day, and see my darling child in
+the enjoyment of every happiness, and all the pleasures of wealth, is
+the constant prayer of your faithful friend,
+
+Jemima Dodd.
+
+P. S. If Mary Anne has finished her sketch of the castle, I'll send it
+with this. She 'd have done it yesterday, but, unfortunately, she had
+n't a bit of red she wanted for a fisherman's small-clothes,--for it
+seems they always wear red in a picture,--and had to send down to the
+town, eleven miles, for it.
+
+Address me still here when you write, and let it be soon.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXXVII. KENNY JAMES DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE,
+BRUFF.
+
+The Castle of Wolfenfels.
+
+My dear Tom,--I 'm glad old Molly has shown you Mrs. D.'s epistle,
+which, independent of its other claims, saves me all the trouble of
+explaining where we are, and how we came there. We arrived on Wednesday
+last, and since that have been living in a very quiet, humdrum kind of
+monotonous life, which, were it in Ireland, we should call, honestly,
+tiresome; but as the scene is Germany and the Black Forest, I suppose
+should be chronicled as highly romantic and interesting. To be plain,
+Tom, we inhabit a big house--they call it a castle--in the midst of a
+large expanse of maize and turnips, backed by a dense wood of pines. We
+eat and drink in a very plain sort of over-abundant and greasy
+fashion. We sleep in a thing like the drawer of a cabinet, with a large
+pincushion on our stomachs for covering. We smoke a home-grown weed,
+that has some of the bad properties of tobacco; and we ponder--at least
+I do--of how long it would take of an existence like this to make a man
+wish himself a member of the vegetable creation. Don't fancy that I'm
+growing exorbitant in my demands for pleasure and amusement, nor believe
+that I have forgotten the humdrum uniformity of my life at home. I
+remember it all, and well. I can recall the lazy hours passed in the
+sunshine of our few summer days; I can bring back to mind the wearisome
+watching of the rain as it poured down for a spell of two months
+together, when we asked each other every morning, "What's to become
+of the wheat? How are we to get in the turf, if this lasts?" The
+newspapers, too, only alternated their narratives of outrage with flood,
+and spoke of bridges, mills, and mail-coaches being carried away in
+all directions. I mention these to show you that, though "far from the
+land," not a trait of it is n't green in my memory. But still, Tom,
+there was, so to say, a tone and a keeping in the picture which
+is wanting here. Our home dulness impressed itself as a matter of
+necessity, not choice. We looked out of our window at a fine red-brick
+mansion, two miles away,--where we 've drunk many a bottle of claret,
+and in younger days danced the "White Cockade" till morning,--and we see
+it a police-station, or mayhap a union. A starved dog dashes past the
+door with a hen in his mouth; we recognize him as the last remnant of
+poor Fetherstone's foxhounds, now broken up and gone. The smoke does n't
+rise from the midst of the little copses of beech and alder, along the
+river side; no, the cabins are all roofless, and their once inhabitants
+are now in Australia, or toiling to enrich the commonwealth of America.
+
+There is a stir and a movement going forward, it is true; but, unlike
+that which betokens the march of prosperity and gain, it only implies
+transition. Ay, Tom, all is changing around us. The gentry are going,
+the middle classes are going, and the peasant is going,--some of their
+free will, more from hard necessity. I know that the general opinion is
+favorable to all this,--in England, at least The cry is ever, "Ireland
+is improving,--Ireland will be better." But my notion is that by Ireland
+we should understand not alone the soil, the rocks, and the rivers, but
+the people,--the heart and soul and life-blood that made the island the
+generous, warm-hearted, social spot we once knew it. Take away these,
+and I no longer recognize it as my country. What matters it to me if the
+Scotchman or the Norfolk farmer is to prosper where we only could exist?
+My sympathies are not with _him_. You might as well try and console me
+for the death of my child by showing me how comfortably some other man's
+boy could sleep in his bed. I want to see Ireland prosper with Irishmen;
+and I wish it, because I know in my heart the thing is possible and
+practicable.
+
+I 'm old enough--and, indeed, so are you--to remember when the English
+used to be satisfied to laugh at our blunders and our bulls, and
+ridicule our eccentricities; but the spirit of the times is changed,
+and now they 've taken to rail at us, and abuse us, as if we were the
+greatest villains in Europe. They assume the very tone the Yankee adopts
+to the Red Man, and frankly say, "You must be extirpated!" Hence the
+general flight that you now witness. Men naturally say, "Why cling to
+a land that is no longer secure to us? Why link our destinies to a soil
+that may be denied to us to-morrow?" And the English will be sorry for
+this yet. Take my word for it, Tom, they 'll rue it! Paddy, by reason of
+his poverty and his taste for adventure, and a touch of romance in his
+nature, was always ready to enlist. He did n't know what might not turn
+out of it. He knew that Wellington was an Irishman, and, faith, he had
+only to read very little to learn that most of the best men came from
+the same country. Luck might, then, stand to him, and, at all events, it
+was n't a bad change from four-pence a day, stone-breaking!
+
+Now, John Bull took another view of it. _He_ was better off at home.
+He had n't a spark of adventure about him. His only notion of worldly
+advancement led through money. You 'll not catch him becoming a soldier.
+Every year will make him less and less disposed to the life. Cheapen
+food and luxuries, reduce tariffs and the cost of foreign produce,
+and the laborer will think twice before he 'll give up home and its
+comforts, to be, as the song says,--
+
+     "Proud as a goat,
+     With a fine scarlet coat,
+     And a long cap and feather."
+
+Turn over these things in your mind, Tom, and see if England has not
+made a great mistake in eradicating the very class she might have
+reckoned upon in any warlike emergency. Take my word for it, it is a
+fine thing to have at your disposal a hundred thousand fellows who can
+esteem a shilling a day a high premium, and who are not too well off in
+the world to be afraid of leaving it! How did I come here at all? What
+has led me into this digression? I protest to you solemnly, Tom, I don't
+know. I can only say that my hand trembles, and my head throbs with
+indignation, as I think over this insolent cant that tells us that
+Ireland has no chance of prosperity save in ceasing to be Irish. It is
+worse than a lie,--it is a mean, cowardly slander!
+
+I must leave off this till my brain is calmer: besides, whether it is
+the light wines I 'm drinking, or my anger has brought it on, but I 've
+just got a terrible twinge of gout in my right foot.
+
+
+Tuesday Evening.
+
+I have passed a miserable twenty-four hours. They 've all the incentives
+to gout in this country, and yet they don't appear to have the commonest
+remedies against it. I sent Belton's recipe to be made up at the
+apothecaries', and they had never as much as heard of one of the
+ingredients! They told me to regulate my diet, and be careful to avoid
+acids,--and this, while I was bellowing like a bull with pain. It was
+like replying to my request for a shirt, by saying that they were going
+to sow flax in August It 's their confounded cookery, and the vinegar we
+wash it down with, has given me this!
+
+The old housekeeper at last took compassion on my sufferings, and made
+me up a kind of broth of herbs that nearly finished me. She assured
+me that they all grew wild in the fields, and were freely eaten by the
+cattle. I can only say it's well that Nebuchadnezzar was n't put out to
+graze here! Sea-sickness was a mild nausea compared to it I 'm better
+now; but so low and so depressed, and with such loss of energy, that in
+a discussion with Mrs. D. about Mary Anne's "trousseau," as they call
+it, I gave in to everything!
+
+Since this attack seized me, events have made a great progress; indeed,
+a suspiciously minded person would n't scruple to say that a mild poison
+had been administered to me to forward the course of negotiations; and
+in my heart and soul I believe that another bowl of the same broth would
+make me consent to my daughter's union with the Bey of Tunis! The poor
+old Dean of Lurra used to say of the Baths of Kreutznach, "I 've lost
+enough flesh in three weeks to make a curate!"--and, indeed, when I look
+at myself in the glass, I turn involuntarily around to see where's the
+rest of me!
+
+Meanwhile, as I said, all has been arranged and settled, and the
+marriage is fixed for an early day in the coming week. I suppose it's
+all for the best I take it that the match is a very great one; but I own
+to you frankly, Tom, I 'd have fewer misgivings if the dear child was
+going to be the wife of some respectable man of her own country, though
+he had neither a castle to live in nor a title to bestow.
+
+Foreigners are essentially and totally different from us in everything;
+and marrying one of them is, to my thinking, the very next thing to
+being united to some strange outlandish beast, as one reads of in fairy
+tales. I suppose that my prejudice is a very mean and narrow-minded one;
+but I can't get rid of it. It looks churlish and cold-hearted in me that
+I cannot show the same joy on the occasion that the others display; but,
+with all my efforts, and the very best will, I can't do it, Tom. The
+bridegroom, too, is not to my taste: he is one of those moping, dreamy,
+moonstruck fellows, that pass their lives in an imaginary sphere of
+thought and action; and, to _my_ thinking, these people are distasteful
+to the world at large, and insufferable to their wives.
+
+I think I see that Mary Anne already anticipates he will prove a
+stubborn subject. Her mother, however, gives her courage and support.
+She gently insinuates, too, that worse cases have been treated
+successfully. Lord help us, it's a strange world!
+
+As to the material features of the affair,--I mean as regards means and
+fortune,--he appears to have more than enough, yet not so much as to
+prevent his giving a very palpable hint to me about what I intended
+to give my daughter. He made the overture with a most laudable candor,
+though, I own, with no excess of delicacy. James, however, had in a
+manner prepared me for it, and mentioned that I was indebted for this
+gratification, as I am for a variety of others, to Mrs. D. It seems
+that, by way of giving a very imposing notion of our possessions, she
+had cut the county map out of O'Kelly's old Gazetteer, and passed it
+off for the survey of our estate. Of course I could n't disavow the
+statement, and have been reduced to the pleasant alternative of settling
+on my daughter about five baronies and twenty townlands of Tipperary,
+with no inconsiderable share of villages and hamlets. Some old leases,
+an insurance policy, and a writ against myself have served me for
+title-deeds; and though the young Baron pores over them for hours with
+a dictionary, thanks to the figurative language of the law, they have
+defied detection!
+
+The father is still too ill to receive me, but each day I am promised an
+interview with him. Of what benefit to either of us it is to prove, may
+be guessed from the fact that we cannot speak to each other. You will
+perceive from all this, Tom, that I am by no means enamored of our
+approaching greatness; and it is but fair to state that James is
+even less so. He calls the Baron a "snob;" and probably, in all the
+fashionable vocabulary of an enlightened age, a more depreciatory
+epithet could not be discovered. What a sham and a humbug is all the
+parade we make of our parental affection, and what a gross cheat, too,
+do we practise upon ourselves by it! We train up a girl from infancy
+with every care and devotedness,--we surround her with all the luxuries
+our means can compass, and every affection of our hearts,--and we give
+her away, for "better and for worse," to the first fellow that offers
+with what seems a reasonable chance of being able to support her!
+
+Many of us would n't take a butler with the scanty knowledge we accept a
+son-in-law. His moral qualities, his disposition, the habits he has been
+reared in,--what do we know of them? Less than nothing! And yet, while
+we ask about these, and twenty more, of the man to whom we are about to
+confide the key of our cellar, we intrust the happiness of our child
+to an unknown individual, the only ascertained fact about whom--if even
+that be so--is his income!
+
+As I should like to tell you every step I take in this affair, I'll not
+send off my letter till I can give you the latest information. Meanwhile
+let me impress upon you that it is now three months since I received
+a shilling from Ireland. James has just informed me that there is not
+fifty pounds left of the McCarthy legacy, of which his mother only gave
+him permission to draw for three hundred. The debate upon this, when
+it comes, will be strong. What I intend is that immediately after Mary
+Anne's marriage we should return to Ireland; but of course I reserve the
+declaration for a fitting opportunity, since I well know how it will be
+received. Cary would never marry a foreigner, nor would anything induce
+me to consent to her doing so. James is only frittering away his best
+years here in idleness and dissipation; and if I can get nothing for him
+from the Government, he must emigrate to Australia or New Zealand. As
+for Mrs. D., the sooner she gets home to Dodsborough the better for her
+health, her means, and her morals!
+
+I am afraid to say a word about Ireland and Irish affairs, for as sure
+as I do I stick fast there; still I must say that I think you 're wrong
+for abusing those members that have accepted office from Government. Put
+it to yourself, my dear Tom; if anybody offered you fifty pounds for the
+old gray mare you drive into market of a Saturday, would you set about
+explaining that she was blind of an eye, and a roarer, with a splint
+before, and a spavin behind? Would n't you rather expatiate upon her
+blood and breeding, her endurance of fatigue, and her fine trotting
+action? I don't know you if you would n't! Well, it's just the same with
+these fellows. Briefless lawyers and distressed gentlemen as they are,
+why should they say to the Ministry, "You're giving too much for us; we
+can neither speak for you nor write for you; we have neither influence
+at home, nor power abroad; we are a noisy, riotous, disorderly set of
+devils, always quarrelling amongst ourselves, and never agreeing, except
+when there 's a bit of robbery or roguery to be done; don't think of
+buying _us_; it is a clear waste of public money; we 'd only disgrace
+and not benefit you"? If anybody is to be blamed, it is the Ministers
+that bought them, Tom.
+
+As to all your disputed questions of education, tenant-right, and
+taxation, take my word for it you have no chance of settling them
+amicably; and for this reason: a great number of excellent men, on both
+sides, have pledged themselves so strongly to particular opinions that
+they cannot decently recant, and yet they begin to see many points in
+a different view, and would, were the matter to come fresh before them,
+treat it in another fashion. If you really wish to see Ireland better,
+try and get people to let her alone for some fifteen or twenty years.
+She is nearly ruined by doctoring. Just wait a bit, and see if the
+natural goodness of constitution won't do more for her than all your
+nostrums.
+
+James has just interrupted me, to say that he has shot "the partridge,"
+for it seems there was only one in the country. That's the fruits of
+revolution. Before the year '48, this part of Germany abounded in game
+of every sort--partridges, hares, and quails, in immense abundance,
+besides plenty of deer on the hills, and that excellent bird the
+"Auer-Hahn," which is like the black-cock we have at home. When the
+troubles came, the peasants shot everything; and now the whole breed
+of game is extinct. They tell me it is the same throughout Bohemia and
+Hungary,--the two best sporting countries in all Europe. Foreigners were
+never oppressed with game-laws as we are; there was a far wider liberty
+enjoyed by them in this respect, and, in consequence, the privileges
+were less abused; so that really the wholesale destruction is much to
+be regretted. But is it not exactly what always follows in every case of
+popular domination? The masses love excess, and are never satisfied with
+anything short of it. I don't pretend to say that the Germans had not
+good and valid reasons for being dissatisfied with their Governments.
+I believe, in my heart, it would be difficult to imagine a more stupid
+piece of ingenuous blundering than a German Administration; and this is
+the less excusable when one thinks of the people over whom they rule.
+
+The excesses of that same year of '48 will be the stock-in-trade for
+these grinding Governments for many a day to come. It is like a "barring
+out" to a cruel schoolmaster; the excuse for any violence he may wish to
+indulge in. At the same time I say this, I tell you frankly that none
+of the foreigners I have yet seen are fit for the system of a
+representative Government. From whatever causes I know not, but they are
+less patient, less given to calm investigation, than the English. Their
+perceptions are as quick--perhaps quicker--but they will not weigh the
+consequences of conflicting interests, and, above all, they will not put
+any restrictions upon their own liberty for the benefit of the community
+at large. Their origin, climate, traditions, and so forth, of course
+influence them greatly; but I have a notion, Tom, that our domesticity
+has a very considerable share in the formation of that temperate and
+obedient spirit so observable amongst us. I think I see the sly dimple
+that 's deepening in the corner of your mouth as you murmur to yourself,
+"Kenny James is thinking of his Mrs. D. He's pondering over the natural
+results of home discipline." But that is not what I mean, at least it
+is not the whole of it. My theory is that a family is the best
+training-school for the virtues that prosper in a well-ordered State,
+and that the little incidents of home life have a wonderful bearing
+upon, and similarity to, the great events that stir mankind.
+
+I was going to become very abstruse and incomprehensible, I've no doubt,
+on this theme, but Mrs. D. just dropped in with a small catalogue of
+some three hundred and twenty-one articles Mary Anne requires for her
+wedding.
+
+I ventured to hint that her mother entered the connubial state with
+a more modest preparation; and hereupon arose one of those lively
+discussions now so frequent between us, in which, amidst other desultory
+and miscellaneous remarks, she drew a graphic contrast between marrying
+a man of rank and title, and "making a low connection that has forever
+served to alienate the affection of one's family."
+
+Will you tell me what peculiarity there is in the atmosphere, or the
+food, or the electric influences abroad, that have made a woman that was
+at least occasionally reasonable at home a most unmanageable fury on the
+Continent? I don't want to deny that we had our little differences at
+Dodsborough, but they were "tiffs,"---mere skirmishes,--but here they
+are downright pitched battles, Tom. She will have it so, too. She won't
+exchange a few shots and retire, but she comes up in line, with her
+heavy artillery, and seems resolved to have a day of it! If this blessed
+tour brought me no other pleasures than these, I 'd have reason to thank
+it! You, of course, are quite ready to assert that the fault is as
+much mine as hers,--that I provoke contradiction,--that I even invite
+conflict! There you are perfectly in the wrong! I do, I acknowledge,
+intrench myself in a strong position, and only fire an occasional shot
+at any tempting exposure of the enemy; but she comes on by storm and
+escalade, and, sparing neither age nor sex, never stops till she's in
+the very heart of the citadel. That I come out maimed, crippled, and
+disabled from such encounters, is not to be wondered at.
+
+Amongst the other signs of progress of our enlightened age, a very
+remarkable one is the habit, now become a law, for everybody with any
+pretensions to the rank of a gentleman, to live in the same style, or,
+at least, with as close an imitation as he can of it, as persons of
+large fortune. Men like myself were formerly satisfied with giving their
+friends a little sherry and port at dinner, continued afterwards, till
+some considerate friend begged, "as a favor," for a glass of punch. Now
+we start with Madeira after the soup, if you have n't had oysters and
+chablis before, hock with your first _entrée_, and champagne afterwards,
+graduating into Chambertin with "the roast," and Pacquarete with the
+dessert, claret, at double the price it costs in Ireland, closing the
+entertainment. Why, a duke cannot do more than Kenny Dodd at this rate!
+To be sure the cookery will be more refined, and the wines in higher
+condition. Moët will be iced to its due point, and Chateau Margaux will
+be served in a carefully aired decanter; but the cost, the outlay, will
+be fully as much in one case as the other. Have we--that is to say,
+humble men like myself--gained by this in an intellectual or social
+point of view? Not a bit of it! We have lost all that easy cordiality
+that was native to us in our former condition, and we have not become as
+coldly polite and elegantly tiresome as the grand folk.
+
+The same system obtains in other matters. _My_ daughter must be dressed
+on her wedding-day like Lady Olivia or Lady Jemima, who has a father a
+marquis, and fifty thousand pounds settled on her for pin-money.
+
+The globe has to become tributary to the marriage of Mary Anne! Cashmere
+sends a shawl; Lyons, silk; and Genoa, velvet; furs from Hudson's Bay,
+and feathers from Mexico; Valenciennes and Brussels contribute lace;
+Paris reserving for her peculiar snare the architectural skill that
+is to combine these costly materials, and construct out of them that
+artistic being they call a "bride." Taking a wife with nothing "but the
+clothes on her back" used to be the expression of a most disinterested
+marriage. Now it might mean anything between Swan and Edgar's and Howell
+and James's, or, to state it differently, between moderate embarrassment
+and irretrievable ruin!
+
+If you ask me how I am to pay for all this, or when, I tell you honestly
+and fairly, I don't know. As well as I can make out the last accounts
+you sent me, we 're getting deeper into debt every day; but as figures
+always distract and puzzle me, I'd rather you'd put the case into
+something like a statement in words, just saying when we may expect a
+remittance, and how much it will be. I find that I shall lose the mail
+if I don't cease at once; but I 'll send you a few lines by to-morrow's
+post, as I have something important to say, but can't remember it now.
+
+Yours, ever sincerely,
+
+Kenny James Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXXVIII. KENNY JAMES DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+
+My dear Tom,--The post hadn't left this five minutes yesterday, when I
+remembered what I wanted to say to you. Wednesday, the 26th, is fixed
+for the happy occasion; and if nothing should intervene, you may insert
+the following paragraph in the "Tipperary Press," under the accustomed
+heading of "Marriage in High Life": "The Baron Adolf Heinrich
+Conrad Hapsburg von Wolfenschafer, Lord of the Manors of Hohendeken,
+Kalbsbratenhausen, and Schweinkraut, to Mary Anne, eldest daughter of
+Kenny James Dodd, Esq., of Dodsborough, in this county." Faith, Tom, I
+was near saying "universally regretted by a large circle of afflicted
+survivors," for I was just wishing myself dead and buried! But you must
+put it in the usual formula of "beautiful and accomplished," and take
+care it is not applied to the bridegroom, for, upon my conscience, his
+claim to the first epithet couldn't be settled by even a Parliamentary
+title! My heart is heavy about it all, and I wish it was over!
+
+If anything exemplifies the vanity of human wishes, it is our efforts to
+marry our daughters, and our regrets when the plans succeed. Tom goes
+to India, and Billy to sea, and there is scarcely a gap in the family
+circle. "The boys" were seldom at home,--they were shooting in Scotland,
+or hunting in England, or fishing in Norway. They never, so to say, made
+part of the effective garrison of the house; they came and went with
+that rackety good-humor that even in quiet families is pleasurable; but
+your girls are household gods: lose _them_, even one of them, and the
+altar is despoiled. The thousand little unobtrusive duties, noiseless
+cares, that make home better a hundred-fold than anywhere else, be
+it ever so rich and splendid, the unasked solicitude, the watchful
+attention that provides for your little daily wants and habits, are all
+_their_ province. And just fancy, then, what scheming and intriguing we
+practise to get rid of them! You 'll say that this shows we are above
+the selfishness of only considering our own enjoyment, and that we
+sacrifice all for their happiness. There you mistake; our sole aim is
+a rich man,--our one notion of a good marriage is that the husband be
+wealthy. It's not a man like myself, who has sometimes paid fifty, ay,
+sixty per cent for money, that can afford to sneer at and despise it;
+but this I will say, that the mere possession of it will not suffice for
+happiness. I know fellows with fifteen thousand a year that have not
+the heart to spend five hundred. I know others that, with as much, are
+always over head and ears in debt, raising cash everywhere and anyhow!
+What kind of life must a girl lead that marries either of these? And
+yet would you or I think of refusing such a match for a daughter? Let me
+tell you, Tom, that for people of small fortune, the nunneries were fine
+things! What signifies serge and simple diet to the wearisome drudgery
+of a governess! If I was a woman, I think I'd rather sit in my quiet
+cell, working an embroidered suit of body clothes for Father O'Leary,
+than I'd be snubbed by the family of some vulgar citizen, tortured by
+the brats, and insulted by the servants.
+
+I don't suppose that it signifies a straw one way or other, but I
+feel some compunctions of conscience at the way I have been assigning
+imaginary estates, mines, woods, and collieries to Mary Anne for the
+last three days. I know it's mere greed makes the Baron so eager on the
+subject, since he is enormously wealthy. James and I rode twelve miles,
+this morning, through a forest that belongs to the castle, and the
+arable land stretches more than that distance in another direction; but
+who knows how he 'll behave when he discovers she has nothing! To
+be sure, we can always ascribe our ruin to political causes, and, in
+verification, exhibit ourselves as poor as need be; but still I don't
+like it And this is one of the blessed results of a false position,--one
+step in a wrong direction very frequently necessitates a long journey.
+Yesterday I protested to my affluence; to-day I vouched for the nobility
+of my family. Heaven only can tell what I won't swear to to-morrow! And
+again I am interrupted by Mrs. D., who has just come to inform me that
+though the bride's finery can all be had at Paris,--whither the
+happy couple are to repair for the honeymoon,--there are certain
+indispensables must be obtained at once from Baden; and she begs that
+I will privately write a few lines to Morris, who will, of course,
+undertake the commission. It is not without shame that I enclose a list
+of purchases to make, which, to a man who knew what we were in Ireland,
+will appear preposterous; but the false position we have attained to is
+surrounded with interminable mortifications of the same kind.
+
+Ah, Tom! I remember the time when, if a bride changed her smart white
+silk and muslin that she wore at the altar for a good brown or blue
+satin pelisse to travel in, we thought her a miracle of fashion and
+finery; but now the millinery of a wedding is the principal thing. There
+is a stereotyped formula, out of which there is no hope of conjugal
+happiness; and the bride that begins life without Brussels lace enters
+upon her career with gloomy omens! Now, a scarf of this alone costs
+thirty guineas; you may, if you like, go as high as a hundred and fifty.
+Why can't people wait for the ruin that is so sure to overtake them,
+without forestalling it in this way? Twenty pounds for clothes, and a
+trip to Castle Connel or Kilkee for the honeymoon, would have satisfied
+every wish of Alary Anne's heart in Ireland; and if she drove away in a
+post-chaise with four horses for the first stage, she 'd have been the
+envy of all the marriageable girls for miles round.
+
+But now I have had to ask Morris to buy a travelling-carriage, because
+Mrs. D., in one of those expansions of splendor that occasionally attack
+her, said to the Baron, "Oh, take one of our carriages, we have left
+several of them at Baden." The excellent woman cannot be brought to
+perceive that romance of this kind is a most expensive amusement. I have
+drawn a bill on you for four hundred at three months, to meet these, and
+sent it to Morris to "get done." I hope he 'll succeed, and I hope you
+'ll pay it when it comes due; so that come what will, Tom, my intentions
+are honorable!
+
+If Mrs. D. and myself had been upon better terms, we might have
+discussed this marriage question more fully and confidentially, but
+there are now so many cabinet difficulties that we rarely hold a
+council, and when we do, we are sure to disagree. This is another
+blessed result of our continentalizing. Home had its duties, and with
+them came that spirit of concord and agreement so essential to family
+happiness; but in this vagabond kind of existence, where every-thing is
+feigned, unreal, and unnatural, all concert and confidence is completely
+lost.
+
+Now I have told you frankly and fairly everything about us, and don't
+take advantage of my candor by giving advice, for there is nothing
+in this world I have so little taste for. There's no man above the
+condition of an idiot that is n't thoroughly aware of his failings and
+shortcomings, but all that knowledge does n't bring him an inch nearer
+the cure of them. Do you think I 'm not fully alive to everything
+you could say of my wasteful habits, my improvidence, indolence,
+irritability, and so forth? I know them all better than you do,--ay, and
+I feel them acutely, too, for I know them to be incurable! Reformation,
+indeed! Do you know when a man gives up dancing, Tom? When he's too
+stiff in the knees for it. There's the whole philosophy of life. When
+we grow wiser, as they are pleased to call it, it is always in spite of
+ourselves!
+
+I find that by enclosing this to Morris, he can forward it to you by the
+bag of the Legation. Once more let me remind you of our want of cash,
+and believe me, very faithfully your friend,
+
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+
+P. S. Address me "Freyburg, to be forwarded to the Schloss, Wolfenfels."
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXXIX. BETTY COBB TO MRS. SHUSAN O'SHEA, PRIEST'S HOUSE, BRUFF.
+
+Dear Mrs. Shusan,--I was meaning to write to you for the last week, but
+could n't by reason of the conflagration I was in, for sure any poor
+girl might feel it, seeing that I was far away among furriners, and had
+nobody to advise, barrin' the evil counsels of my wicked heart. We cam
+here two weeks gone, on a visit to the father of the young man that 's
+going to marry "Mary Anne." It's a great big ould place, like the jail
+at Limerick, only darker, with little windows, and a flite of stairs out
+of every corner in it. And the furnishing is n't a bit newer. It's a bit
+of rag here and a rag there, an ould cabbinet, a hard sofa, and maybe
+four wooden chairs that would take a ladder to get into! Eatin' and
+drinkin' likewise the same. Biled beef--biled first for the broth,
+and sarved afterwards with cow-comers, sliced and steeped in oil--the
+Heavens preserve us! Then a dish of roast vale, with rasberry jam and
+musheroons, for they tries the human stomich with every ingradiant
+they can think of! But the great favorite of all is a salad made out of
+potatoes, biled bard, sliced and pickled the same way as the cow-comers!
+A bowl of that, Mrs. Shusan, after a long dinner, makes you feel as full
+as a tick, and if the house was afire I could n't run! To be sure, when
+the meal is over everybody sits down to coffee, and does n't distress
+themselves about anything for a matter of two hours. And, indeed, I must
+make the remark that "manials" isn't as badly treated anywhere in the
+whole 'versal globe as in Ireland, and if it was n't that I hear the
+people is runnin' away o' themselves, I 'd write a letter to the papers
+about it! 'T is exactly like pigs you are, no better; potatoes and
+butter-milk all the year round! deny it if you can. Could you offer a
+pig less wages than four pound a year?
+
+I must say, too, Shusan, that eatin' one's fill molly-fies ther nature,
+and subdues ther hasty dispositions in a wonderful way; I know it
+myself; and that after a strong supper now I can bear more from the
+mistress than I used at home, only giving a sigh now and then out of the
+fulness of my heart. But it's not them things I wanted to tell you, but
+of the state of my infections. Don't be angry with me, Mrs. Shusan. I
+don't forget the iligant lessons you gave me long ago, about thrusting
+the men; I know well how thrue every word you said is. They 're
+base, and wicked, and deceatful! Flatterin' us when we 're young and
+beautiful, and gibin' and jeerin' when we 're ould as yourself! But
+what's the use of fiting agin the will of Providence? Sure, if he
+intended us to have better husbands it's not them craytures he'd have
+left us to! My sentiments is these, Shusy: 'Tis a way of chastezin'
+us is marriage! The throubles and tumults we have with a man are our
+crosses, and it's only cowardly to avoid them. Meet your feat, say I,
+whatever it be,--whether it be a man or the measles, don't be afraid!
+
+I 'm shure and sartain it's nothing but fear makes young girls go and be
+nuns; they're afraid, and no wonder, of the wickedness of the world; but
+somehow, Shusan, like everything else in this life, one gets used to it.
+I know it well, there 's many a thing I see now, without minding, that
+long ago I dared not look at. "Live and learn," they say, and there's
+nothing so thrue! And talking of that, you 'd be shocked to see how Mary
+Anne goes on wid the young Baron. She, that would scarce let poor Doctor
+Belton spake to her alone. We meet them walk in' in the lonesomest
+places together; and Taddy and I never goes into the far part of the
+wood without seeing them! And that's not all of it, my dear, but she
+must get the mistress to give me a lecture about going off myself with a
+man.
+
+"Does n't your daughter do it, ma'am?" says I. "Is all the wickedness of
+this world," says I, "to be kept for one's betters?"
+
+"Do you call marriage wickedness?" says she.
+
+"Sometimes it is, ma'am," says I, with a look she understood well.
+
+"You 're a huzzy," says she; "and I 'll give you warnin' next Saturday."
+
+"I'll take it now," says I, "ma'am, for I'm going to better myself."
+
+If ye saw her face, Shusy, as I said this! She knows in her heart that
+she could n't get on at all without me. Not a word of a furrin lingo
+can she say; and I 'm obleeged to traduce her meanin' to all the other
+sarvants! And, indeed, that's the way I become such an iligant linguist;
+and it's no differ to me now between talkin' French and Jarman,--I make
+them just the same!
+
+I was n't in my room when Mary Anne was after me.
+
+"Ain't you a fool, Betty?" says she, puttin' a hand on my shoulder.
+
+"Maybe I am, miss," says I; "but there 's others fools as well as me!"
+
+"But I mean," says she, "isn't it silly to fall out with mamma,--that
+was always so good, and so kind, and so fond of you?"
+
+I saw at once, Shusy, how the wind was, and so I just went on folding up
+my collars and settling my things without a word.
+
+"I 'm sure," says she, "you could n't leave her in a faraway country
+like this!"
+
+"The dearest friends must part, miss," says I.
+
+"Not to speak of your own desolate and deserted condition," says she.
+
+"There's them that won't lave me dissolute and disconsoled, miss,"
+says I. And with that, Shusy, I told her that Taddy Hetzler had made me
+honorable proposals.
+
+"But you 'd not think of Taddy," says she. "He 's only a herd," says
+she.
+
+"We must take what we can get, miss," says I, "and be thanklul in this
+life."
+
+And she blushed red up to the eyes, Shusy; for she knew well what I
+meant by _that!_
+
+"But a nice girl, and a purty girl like you, Betty," says she,
+"_slendering_" me, "is n't it throwing yourself away? Sure, ye have only
+to wait a little to make an iligant match here on the Continent. Don't
+be precipitouous," says she, "but see the effect you'll make with that
+beautiful pink gownd;" and here, Shusan, she gave me all as one as a
+bran new silk of the mistress's, with five flounces, and lace trim-mins
+down the front! It's what they call glassy silk, and shines like it!
+
+"I 'm sorry, miss," says I, "that as I took the mistress's warnin', I'm
+obleeged to refuse you."
+
+"Nonsense, Betty," says she; "I'll arrange all that."
+
+"But my feelins, miss,--my feelins."
+
+"Well, I'll even engage to smoothe these," says she, laughing.
+
+And so, Shusy, I had to laugh too; for my nature is always to be easy
+and complyiant; and when anybody means well to me, they can do what they
+plaze with me. It's a weak part in my character, but I can't help it
+"I'm not able to be selfish, Miss Mary Anne," says I.
+
+"No, Betty, _that_ you are not," says she, patting my cheek.
+
+But for all that, Shusy, I 'm not going to give up Taddy till I know
+why,--tho' I did n't say so to her. So I just put up the pink gownd in
+my drawer, and went up and told the mistress I'd stay; but begged she
+wouldn't try my nerves that way another time, for my constitution would
+n't bear repated shocks. I saw she was burstin' to say something, but
+dar'n't, Shusy, and she tore a lace cuff to tatters while I was talk
+in'. Well, well, there's no deny in' it, anyhow; manials has many
+troubles, but they can give a great deal of annoyance and misery if they
+set about it right You 'd like to hear about Taddy, and I 'll be candid
+and own that he is n't what would be called handsome in Ireland, though
+here he is reckoned a fine-looking man. He is six foot four and a half,
+without shoes, a little bent in the shoulders, has long red hair, and
+sore eyes; that cums from the snow, for he's out in all weathers--after
+the pigs. You 're surprised at that, and well you may; for instead of
+keeping the craytures in a house as we do, and giving them all the filth
+we can find to eat, they turns them out wild into the woods, to eat
+beech-nuts, and acorns, and chestnuts; and the beasts grow so wicked
+that it's not safe for a stranger to go near them; and even the man that
+guides them they call a "swine-fearer."(1) Taddy is one of these; and
+when he 's dressed in a goat-skin coat and cap, leather gaiters buttoned
+on his legs, and reachin' to the hips, and a long pole, with an iron
+hook and a hatchet at the end of it, and a naked knife, two feet long,
+at his side, you 'd think the pigs would be more likely to be afraid of
+_him!_ Indeed, the first time I saw him come into the kitchen, with a
+great hairy dog they call a fang-hound at his heels, I schreeched out
+with frite, for I thought them--God forgive me!--the ugliest pare I ever
+set eyes on. To be sure, the green shade he wore over his eyes, and
+the beard that grew down to his breast, did n't improve him; but I 've
+trimmed him up since that; and it's only a slight squint, and two teeth
+that sticks out at the side of his mouth, that I can't remedy at all!
+
+Paddy Byrne spends his time mock in' him, and makin' pictures of him
+on the servants' hall with a bit of charcoal. It well becomes a dirty
+little spalpeen like him to make fun of a man four times his size. His
+notion of manly beauty is four foot eight, short legs, long breeches
+and gaiters, with a waistcoat over the hips, and a Jim Crow! A monkey is
+graceful compared to it!
+
+Taddy is not much given to talkin', but he has told me that he has been
+on the estate, "with the pigs," he calls it, since he was eight years
+old; and as he said, another time, that "he was nine-and-twenty years a
+herd," you can put the two together, and it makes him out thirty-three
+or thirty-four years of age. He never had any father or mother, which
+is a great advantage, and, as he remarks, "it's the same to him if there
+came another Flood and drowned all the world to-morrow!"
+
+Our plans is to live here till we can go and take a bit of land for
+ourselves; and as Taddy has saved something, and has very good idais
+about his own advantage, I trust, with the blessin' of the Virgin, that
+we 'll do very well.
+
+     1  Perhaps the accomplished Betty has been led into this
+     pardonable mistake from the sound of the German epithet
+     "Schwein-führer."--Editor of "Dodd Correspondence."
+
+This that I tell you now, Shusan, is all in confidence, because to the
+neighbors, and to Sam Healey, you can say that I am going to be married
+to a rich farmer that has more pigs--and that's thrue--than ye 'd see in
+Ballinasloe Fair.
+
+What distresses me most of all is, I can't make out what religion he 's
+of, if he has any at all! I try him very hard about penance and 'tarnal
+punishments, but all he says is, "When we 're married I 'll know all
+about that."
+
+As the mistress writ all about Mary Anne's marriage to Mrs. Galagher,
+at the house, I don't say anything about it; but he's an ugly crayture,
+Shusan dear, and there's a hangdog, treach'rous look about him I wonder
+any young girl could like. The servants, too, knows more of him than
+they lets on, but, by rayson of their furrin language, there's no
+coming at it.
+
+Between ourselves, she doesn't take to the marriage at all, for I seen
+her twice cryin' in her room over some ould letters; but she bundled
+them up whin she seen me, and tried to laugh.
+
+"I wonder, Betty," says she, "will I ever see Dodsbor-ough again!"
+
+"Who knows, miss?" said I; "but it would be a pity if you did n't, and
+so many there that's fond of you!"
+
+"I don't believe it," says she, sharp. "I don't believe there's one
+cares a bit about me!"
+
+"Baithershin!" says I, mocking.
+
+"Who does?" says she; "can ye tell me even one?"
+
+"Sure there 's Miss Davis," says I, "and the Kellys, and there's Miss
+Kitty Doolan, and ould Molly, not to spake of Dr. Bel--"
+
+"There, do not speak of him," says she, getting red; "the very names of
+the people make me shudder. I hope I 'll never see one of them."
+
+Now, Shusan dear, I told you all that it's in my mind, and hope you 'll
+write to me the same. If you could send me the gray cloak with the blue
+linin', and the bayver bonnet I wore last winter two years, they 'd
+be useful to me here, and you could tell the neighbors that it was new
+clothes you were sendin' me for my weddin'. Be sure ye tell me how Sam
+Healey bears it. Tell him from me, with my regards, that I hope he won't
+take to drink, and desthroy his constitution.
+
+You can write to me still as before, to your attached and true friend,
+
+Betty Cobb.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XL. KENNY I. DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+
+Constance, Switzerland.
+
+My dear Tom,--Before passion gets the better of me, and I forget all
+about it, let me acknowledge the welcome arrival of your post bill
+for one hundred, but for which, Heaven knows in what additional
+embarrassment I might now be in. You will see, by the address, that I
+am in Switzerland. How we came here I 'll try and explain, if Providence
+grants me patience for the effort; this being the third time I have
+addressed myself to the task unsuccessfully.
+
+I need not refer to the situation in which my last letter to you left
+us. You may remember that I told you of the various preparations
+that were then in progress for a certain auspicious event, whose
+accomplishment was fixed for the ensuing week. Amongst others, I wrote
+to Morris for some articles of dress and finery to be procured at
+Baden, and for, if possible, a comfortable travelling-carriage, with a
+sufficiency of boxes and imperials.
+
+Of course in doing so it was necessary, or at least it was fitting, that
+I should make mention of the cause for these extraordinary preparations,
+and I did so by a very brief allusion to the coming event, and to the
+rank of my future son-in-law, the youthful Baron and heir of Wolfenfels.
+I am not aware of having said much more than this, for my letter was so
+crammed with commissions, and catalogues of purchases, that there was
+little space disposable for more intelligence. I wrote on a Monday,
+and on the following Wednesday evening I was taking a stroll with James
+through the park, chatting over the approaching event in our family,
+when a mounted postboy galloped up with a letter, which being marked
+"Most pressing and immediate," the postmaster had very properly
+forwarded to me with all expedition. It was in Morris's hand, and very
+brief. I give it to you verbatim:--
+
+     "My dear Sir,--For Heaven's sake do not advance another step
+     in this affair. You have been grossly imposed upon. As soon
+     as I can procure horses I will join you, and expose the most
+     scandalous trick that has ever come to the knowledge of
+     yours truly,
+
+     "E. Morris.
+
+     "Post-House, Tite See.   2 o'clock p.m.   Wednesday."
+
+
+You may imagine--I cannot attempt to describe--the feelings with which
+James and I read and re-read these lines. I suppose we had passed the
+letter back and forwards to each other fully a dozen times, ere either
+of us could summon composure to speak.
+
+"Do you understand it, James?" said I.
+
+"No," said he. "Do _you?_"
+
+"Not unless the scoundrel is married already," said I.
+
+"That was exactly what had occurred to me," replied he. "'Most
+scandalous trick,' are the words; and they can only mean that."
+
+"Morris is such a safe fellow,--so invariably sure of whatever he says."
+
+"Precisely the way I take it," cried James. "He is far too cautious to
+make a grave charge without ample evidence to sustain it! We may rely
+upon it that he knows what he is about."
+
+"But bigamy is a crime in Germany. They send a fellow to the galleys for
+it," said I. "Is it likely that he 'd put himself in such peril?"
+
+"Who knows!" said James, "if he thought he was going to get an English
+girl of high family, and with a pot of money!"
+
+Shall I own to you, Tom, that remark of James's nearly stunned
+me,--carelessly and casually as it fell from _him_, it almost
+overwhelmed me, and I asked myself, Why should he think she was of high
+family? Why should he suppose she had a large fortune? Who was it
+that propagated these delusions? and if there really was a "scandalous
+trick," as Morris said, could I affirm that all the roguery was on one
+side? Could I come into court with clean hands, and say, "Mrs. Dodd
+has not been cheating, neither has Kenny James "? Where are these broad
+acres of arable and pasture,--these verdant forests and swelling lawns,
+that I have been bestowing with such boundless munificence? How shall we
+prove these fourteen quarterings that we have been quoting incessantly
+for the past three weeks? "No matter for _that_," thought I, at length.
+"If the fellow has got another wife, I 'll break every bone in his
+skin!" I must have pondered this sentiment aloud, for James echoed it
+even more forcibly, adding, by way of sequel, "And kick him from this to
+Rotterdam!"
+
+I mention this in detail to show that we both jumped at once to the same
+conclusion, and, having done so, never disputed the correctness of our
+guess. We now proceeded to discuss our line of action,--James advising
+that he should be "brought to book" at once; I overruling the counsel by
+showing that we could do nothing whatever till Morris arrived.
+
+"But to-morrow is fixed for the wedding!" exclaimed James.
+
+"I know it," said I, "and Morris will be here to-night. At all events,
+the marriage shall not take place till he comes."
+
+"I 'd charge him with it on the spot," cried James. "I 'd tell him,
+in plain terms, the information had come to me from an authority of
+unimpeachable veracity, and to refute it if he could."
+
+"Refute what?" said I. "Don't you see, boy, that we really are not in
+possession of any single fact,--we have not even an allegation?"
+
+I assure you, Tom, that I had to make him read the note over again, word
+by word, before he was convinced of the case.
+
+As we walked back to the castle, we talked over the affair, and turned
+it in every possible shape, both of us agreeing that we could not, with
+any safety, intrust our intelligence to the womankind.
+
+"We 'll watch him," said James; "we 'll keep an eye on him, and wait for
+Morris."
+
+I own to you my feelings distressed me to that degree I could scarcely
+enter the house, and as to appearing at supper it was clean out of the
+question. How could I bring myself to accept the shelter of a man's
+roof against whom I harbored the very worst suspicions! Could I be
+Judas enough to sit down at table with one against whom I was hatching
+exposure and shame! It was bad enough to think that my wife and daughter
+were there. As for James, he took his place at the board with such
+an expression in his features that I verily believe Banquo looked a
+pleasanter guest at Macbeth's banquet. I betook myself to the terrace,
+and walked there till midnight, watching with eye and ear towards the
+road that led from Freyburg.
+
+"Night or Blücher!" said the Duke, on the memorable field at Waterloo;
+but there was the blessing of an alternative in _his_ case. _Mine_ had
+none. It was Morris or nothing with _me_, And now I began anathematizing
+to myself those crusty, secret, cautious natures that are always
+satisfied when they cry "Stop!" without taking the trouble to say
+wherefore. What may be a precipice to one man, thought I, is only a step
+to another! How does _he_ know that _his_ notions of roguery would tally
+with _mine?_ There 's many a thing they call a cheat in England we
+might think a practical joke in Ireland. The national prejudices are
+constantly in opposition; look, for instance, at the opposite view they
+take of the "Income tax"! Morris, besides, is a strait-laced fellow
+that would be shocked at a trifle. Maybe it's some tomfoolery about his
+ancestors, some flaw in the 'scutcheon of Conrad, or Leopold, that
+lived in the year nine. Egad! I wonder what the Dodds were doing in that
+century? Or perhaps it is his politics he's hinting at, for I believe
+the Baron is a bit of a Radical! For that matter, so am I,--at least,
+occasionally, and when the Whigs are in power; for, as I observed to you
+once, Tom, "always be a shade more liberal than the Government." It
+was years and years before I came to see the good policy of that simple
+rule, but, believe me, it 's well worth remembering. Be a Whig to the
+Tories; be a Radical to the Whigs; and when Cobden and that batch come
+in, as they are sure to do sooner or later, there will be yet some lower
+depth to descend to and cry, "Take me out!"
+
+I was remarking that Morris is quite capable of being shocked at the
+Baron's politics, and fancying that I am giving my daughter to one of
+those Organization of Labor and Rights of Man humbugs that are always
+getting up rows and running away from them. Now, Tom, I hold these
+fellows mighty cheap. A patriot without pluck is like a steam-engine
+wanting a boiler. Why, it 's the very essence and vitality of the
+whole; but still I am not sure that, as the world goes, I 'd be right
+in refusing him my daughter because he put his faith in Kossuth, and
+thought the Austrian Empire an unclean thing!
+
+I tell you these ruminations and reasonings of mine that you may
+perceive how I turned the matter over with myself in a candid spirit,
+and was led away neither by prejudice nor passion. From ten o'clock till
+eleven--from eleven till midnight--I walked the terrace up and down,
+like the Ghost in "Hamlet,"--I hope I'm right in my quotation,--but
+neither sight nor sound indicated Morris's arrival! "What if he should
+not come!" thought I. "How can I frame a pretext for putting off the
+wedding?" There was no opening for delay that I could think of. I had
+signed no end of deeds and parchments; I had written my name to "acts"
+of every possible shape and description. The solemnity of the church and
+my paternal blessing were alone wanting to complete the fifth act of the
+drama. I racked my brain to invent a plausible, or even an intelligible
+cause for postponement. Had I been a condemned felon, I could not have
+tortured my imagination more intensely to find a pretext for a reprieve.
+But one issue of escape presented itself. I could be dangerously ill,--a
+sudden attack; at my age a man can always have gout in the stomach! My
+daughter, of course, could not be married if I was at death's door; and
+as, happily, there was no doctor in the neighborhood, the feint
+attack ran no risk of being converted into a serious action. Since the
+memorable experiment of my mock illness at Ems, I own I had no fancy for
+the performance, nor could I divest my mind of the belief that all these
+things are, in a measure, a tempting of Providence. But what else could
+I do? There was not, so far as I could see, another road open to me.
+
+I was just, therefore, turning back into the house, to take to my bed
+in a dangerous condition, when I heard the clattering of whips, in that
+crack-crack fashion your German postilion always announces an arrival.
+I at once hastened down to the door, and arrived at the same moment
+that four posters, hot and smoking, drew up a travelling-barouche to the
+spot. Morris sprang out at once, and, seizing my hand, with what for him
+expressed great warmth, said,--
+
+"Not too late, I hope and trust?"
+
+"No," said I; "thanks to your note, I was fully warned."
+
+By this time a stranger had also descended from the carriage, and stood
+beside us.
+
+"First of all, let me introduce my friend, Count Adelberg, who, I
+rejoice to say, speaks English as well as ourselves."
+
+We bowed, and shook hands.
+
+"By the greatest good luck in the world," continued Morris, "the
+Count happened to be with me when your letter arrived, and, seeing the
+post-mark, observed, 'I see you have got a correspondent in my part of
+the world,--who can he be?' Anxious to obtain information from him, I
+immediately mentioned the circumstances to which your note referred,
+when he stopped me suddenly, exclaiming, 'Is this possible,--can you
+really assure me that this is so?'"
+
+But, my dear Purcell, I cannot go over a scene which nearly overcame
+me at the time, and now, in recollection, is scarcely endurable. The
+torture and humiliation of that moment I hope never to go through again.
+In three words, let me tell my tale. Count Adelberg was the owner and
+lord of Wolfsberg, the Wolfenschafers being his stewards. This pretended
+Baron was a young swindling rascal, who had gone to Bonn less for
+education than to seek his fortune. The popular notion in Germany, that
+every English girl is an heiress of immense wealth, had suggested to
+him the idea of passing himself off for a noble of ancient family and
+possessions, and thus securing the hand of some rich girl ambitious of a
+foreign rank and title. He had considerable difficulties to encounter in
+the prosecution of his scheme, but he surmounted or evaded them all. He
+absented himself from Baden, for instance, where recognition would have
+been inevitable, under the pretext of his political opinions; and he,
+with equal tact, avoided the exposure of his father's vulgarity, by
+keeping the worthy individual confined to bed. Of the servants and
+retainers of the castle, the shrewd ones were his accomplices, the less
+intelligent his dupes. In a word, Tom, an artful plot was well laid
+and carried out, to impose upon people whose own short-sightedness and
+vulgar pretensions made them ready victims for even a less ingenious
+artifice.
+
+I was very nigh crazy as I heard this explanation. They had to hold me
+twice or thrice by main force to prevent my rushing into the house and
+wreaking a personal vengeance on the scoundrel. Morris reasoned and
+argued with me for above an hour. The Count, too, showed that our whole
+aim should be to prevent the affair getting rumored abroad, and to
+suppress all notoriety of the transaction. He alluded with consummate
+delicacy to our want of knowledge of Germany and its people as an
+explanation of our blunder, and condoled with me on the outrage to our
+feelings with all the tact of a well-bred gentleman. Any slight pricks
+of conscience I had felt before, from our own share in the deception,
+were totally merged in my sense of insulted honor, and I utterly
+forgot everything about the imaginary townlands and villages I had so
+generously laid apart for Mary Anne's dowry.
+
+The next question was, what to do? The Count, with great politeness and
+hospitality, entreated that we should remain, at least for some days,
+at the castle. He insisted that no other course could so effectually
+suppress any gossip the affair might give rise to. He supported this
+view, besides, by many arguments, equally ingenious as polite. But
+Morris agreed perfectly with me, that the best thing was to get away
+at once; that, in fact, it would be utterly impossible for us to pass
+another day under that roof.
+
+The next step was to break the matter to Mrs. D. I suppose, Tom, that
+even to as old a friend as yourself I ought not to make the confession;
+but I can't help it,--it will out, in spite of me; and I frankly admit
+it would have amply compensated to me for all the insult, outrage,
+and humiliation I experienced, if I were permitted just to lay a plain
+statement of the case before Mrs. D., and compliment her upon the
+talents she exercises for the advancement of her children, and the proud
+successes they have achieved. In my heart and soul I believe that, in
+the disposition I then felt myself, and with as good a cause to handle,
+I could very nearly have driven her stark mad with rage, shame, and
+disappointment. Morris, however, declared positively against this. He
+took upon himself the whole duty of the explanation, and even made me
+give a solemn pledge not in any way to interfere in the matter. He went
+further, and compelled me to forego my plans of vengeance against the
+young rascal who had so grossly outraged us.
+
+I have not patience to repeat the arguments he employed. They, however,
+just came to this: that the paramount question was to hush up the whole
+affair, and escape at once from the scene in which it occurred. I don't
+think I 'll ever forgive myself for my compliance on this head! I have
+an accommodating conscience with respect to many debts; but to know and
+feel that I owe a fellow a horse-whipping, and to experience in my heart
+the conviction that I don't intend to pay it, lowers me in my own esteem
+to a degree I have no power to express. I explained this to Morris.
+I showed him that in yielding to his views I was storing up a secret
+source of misery for many a solitary reflection. I even proposed to be
+satisfied with ten minutes' thrashing of him in secret; none to be the
+wiser but our two selves! He would not hear of it And now, Tom, I own to
+you that if the story gets abroad in the world, this is the part of
+it that will most acutely afflict me. I really can't tell you why
+I permitted him to over-persuade me, and make me do an act at
+once contrary to my country, my nature, and my instincts. The only
+explanation I can give is this: it is the air of the Continent. Bring
+an English bull-dog abroad, feed him with raw beef as you would at home,
+treat him exactly the same--but he loses his courage, and would n't
+face a terrier. I 'm convinced it's the same with a man; and you 'll
+see fellows put up with slights and offences here that in their own land
+they 'd travel a hundred miles to resent. One comfort I have, however,
+and it is this,--I have never been well since I yielded this point
+My appetite is gone; I can't sleep without starting up, and I have a
+fluttering about my heart that distresses me greatly; and although
+these are more or less disagreeable, they show me that, under fair
+circumstances, K. I. could be himself again; and that though the
+Continent has breached, it has not utterly destroyed, his natural good
+constitution.
+
+To be brief, our plan of procedure was this: I was to remain with the
+Count in his apartment, while Morris went on his mission to Mrs. D.
+The explanation being made, we were to take the Count's carriage to
+Constance, where we could remain for a week or so, until we had decided
+which way to turn our steps; and gave also time to Caroline, who was
+still with Morris's mother, to join us.
+
+I told M. that I did n't like to go far, that my remittances might
+possibly miss me, and so on; and the poor fellow at once said, that if
+a couple of hundred pounds could be of the slightest convenience to me,
+they were heartily at my service. Of course, Tom, I said no, that I was
+not in the least in want of money. It was the first time in my life I
+refused a loan; but I could n't take it. I could have found it easier
+to rob a church at that moment! He flushed deeply when I declined the
+offer, and stammered out something about his deep regret if he could
+have offended me; and, indeed, I had some trouble to prove that I was
+n't a bit annoyed or provoked.
+
+Although all the conversation I have alluded to took place outside the
+castle, we were not well inside the door when we perceived that Count
+Adelberg's arrival had already been made known to the household. Troops
+of servants hastened to receive him, amongst whom, however, neither the
+steward nor his son were to be found.
+
+"Send Wolfenschfer to the library," said he to a footman, as we went
+along, and then conducted me to a small and favorite chamber of which he
+always kept the key himself. He made me promise not to quit this till he
+returned, and then left me to my own not over-gratifying reflections in
+perfect solitude as they were; Morris having departed on his embassy.
+
+I was speculating on the various emotions each of us was likely to
+experience at the discovery of this catastrophe, when Morris entered the
+room, with an amount of agitation in his manner I had never witnessed
+before.
+
+"Well," said I, "you've told her,--how does she bear it?"
+
+"I confess," said he, stammeringly, "Mrs. Dodd does not appear to
+place too much reliance upon my mere word,--I mean, not that kind of
+confidence which could be called implicit."
+
+"Why, you showed her that we have been infamously deceived, grossly
+insulted?"
+
+"I endeavored to do so," said he, still hesitating. "I tried in the most
+delicate manner to explain by what vile artifices you had been tricked;
+and that, on my detection of the scheme, I had hastened over from Baden,
+fortunately in sufficient time to prevent the accomplishment of this
+nefarious plot. She scarcely would hear me out, however; for, without
+paying any regard to the proofs I was giving of my statement, she flew
+into a passion about my habit of obtruding myself into family affairs,
+and the impertinent interference which I had practised more than once
+in matters which did not concern me. In a word, she utterly disbelieved
+every word I said, attributed my interested feelings to very unworthy
+motives, and made a few personal remarks of a nature the reverse of
+complimentary."
+
+"Was my daughter present?" asked I.
+
+"Miss Dodd had gone to her room a short time previously, but Mrs. Dodd
+sent for her as I was leaving the chamber."
+
+I could not any longer master my impatience, but, without waiting for
+more, rushed upstairs and into my wife's room. A glance assured me
+that the work of persuasion was already accomplished; for she was lying
+half-fainting in a large chair, while Mary Anne and Betty were bathing
+her temples and using the usual restoratives for suspended animation.
+
+I had abundant time to observe Mary Anne during these proceedings,
+and, to my excessive wonderment do I own it, the girl was as calm, as
+self-possessed, and as collected as ever I saw her. I defy the very
+shrewdest to say that they could detect one trait of anxiety or
+discomposure about her; so that, though I saw Mrs. D. had yielded to the
+convictions of truth, I really could not say whether or not Mary Anne
+had yet heard of the story. I thought, however, I 'd explore the way
+by an artificial path, and said: "If she's well enough to be carried
+downstairs, Mary Anne, we ought to do it. The great matter is to quit
+this place at once."
+
+"Of course, papa," said she, without the slightest touch of emotion.
+
+"After what has occurred," said I, "every moment I remain is a fresh
+insult."
+
+"Quite so," said she, composedly.
+
+Ah, Tom, these women are out and out beyond us! Neither physiologists
+nor novel-writers know a bit about them. The stock themes with these
+fellows are their tender susceptibility, gentleness, and so forth. Take
+my word for it, it is in strength of character, in downright power of
+endurance, that they excel us. They possess a quality of submission
+that rises to actual heroism, and they can summon an amount of energy
+to resist an insult to their pride of which we men have no conception
+whatever.
+
+Instead of any attempt to condole with Mary Anne, or to comfort her,
+the best I could do was to try to imitate the dignified calm of her
+composure.
+
+"Don't you think," said I to her, "that we could be off by daybreak?"
+
+"Easily," said she. "Augustine is packing up, and when mamma is a little
+better I 'll assist her."
+
+"_She_ knows it all?" said I, with a gesture towards my wife.
+
+"Everything!"
+
+"And believes it at last?"
+
+A nod was the reply.
+
+Egad, Tom, this coolness completely took me aback. I could do nothing
+but stare at the girl with amazement, and ask myself, "Does she really
+know what has happened?"
+
+In utter indifference to my scrutiny, she continued her attentions to
+her mother, whispering orders from time to time to Betty Cobb.
+
+"Hadn't you better give some directions about your trunks, papa?" said
+she to me.
+
+And thus recalled to myself, I hastened to follow the advice. Faddy, as
+is customary with him at any great emergency, was drunk, and, with
+the usual consequence, engaged in active conflict with the rest of the
+servants' hall. As for James, I sought for him everywhere in vain,
+but at last learned that he was seen to saddle and bridle a horse for
+himself about half an hour before, which done, he mounted and rode off
+at speed towards the forest, which direction, it appeared, the young
+Baron! had taken some time before. I should have felt uncommonly uneasy
+for the result had they not assured me that there was not the very
+slightest chance of his overtaking the fugitive.
+
+Morris told me, too, that the old steward had been turned out of doors
+already, so that we had at least the satisfaction of a very heavy
+vengeance. The Count never ceased to show us every attention in his
+power; and, so far as politeness and good manners could atone to us,
+everything was done that could be imagined. With Morris's aid I got my
+things together, and before daybreak the carriage stood fully loaded at
+the door. There was, it is true, "an awful sacrifice" exacted by this
+hurried packing; and the frail finery of the trousseau found but scanty
+tenderness, as it was bundled up into valises and even carpet-bags!
+However, I was determined to march, even at the loss of all my baggage,
+if necessary!
+
+While these active operations went forward, Mrs. D. "improved the
+occasion" by some sharp attacks of hysterics, which providentially ended
+in a loss of voice at last; and thus a happy calm was permitted us, in
+which to take a slight breakfast before starting.
+
+If I call it slight, Tom, it was not with reference to the preparations,
+which were really on the most sumptuous scale, and all laid out in the
+large dinner-room with great taste. The Count had told Morris that if
+his presence might not be thought intrusive, he would feel it a great
+honor to be permitted to pay his respects to the ladies; and when I
+mentioned this to Mary Anne, to my no small astonishment she replied,
+"Oh, with pleasure! I really think we owe it to him for all his
+attentions." Ay! Tom, and what is more, down came my wife, who had
+passed the night in screaming and sobbing, looking all smiles and
+blandnesses, leaning on Mary Anne, who, by the way, had dressed herself
+in the most becoming fashion, and seemed quite bent on a conquest. Oh,
+these woman, these women!--read them if you can, Tom Purcell! for, upon
+my conscience, they are far above the humble intelligence of your friend
+K. I.
+
+I don't think you 'd believe me if I was to give you an account of that
+same breakfast. If ever there was an incident calculated to overwhelm
+with shame and confusion, it was precisely that which had just occurred
+to us. It was not possible to conceive a situation more painful than we
+were placed in; and with all that, I vow and declare that, except Morris
+and myself, none seemed to feel it. Mrs. D. ate and drank, and bowed and
+smiled and gesticulated, and ogled the Count to her heart's content;
+and Mary Anne chatted and laughed with him in all the ease of intimate
+acquaintanceship; and as he evidently was struck by her beauty, she
+appeared to accept the homage of his admiration as a very satisfactory
+compliment. As for me, I tried to behave with the same good breeding as
+the others, but it was no use!--every mouthful I ate almost choked me;
+every time I attempted to be jocose, I broke down, with a lamentable
+failure. Rage, shame, and indignation were all at work within me; and
+even the ease and indifference displayed by the womenkind increased
+my sense of humiliation. It might very probably have been far less
+well-mannered and genteel; but I tell you frankly, I 'd have been better
+pleased with them both if they had cried heartily, and made no secret of
+their suffering. I half suspect Morris was of the same mind too; for
+he could not keep his eyes off them, and evidently in profound
+astonishment. But for him, indeed, I don't know how I should have got
+through that morning, for Mrs. D. and her daughter were far too intent
+upon fresh conquests to waste a thought on recent defeats, and it was
+evident that Count Adelberg was received by them both with all the
+credit due to the "real article." This threw me completely on Morris for
+all counsel and guidance; and I must say he behaved admirably, making
+all the arrangements for our departure with a ready promptitude that
+showed old habits of discipline.
+
+In the Count's _calèche_ there was no room for servants; but our own was
+to follow with them and the baggage, and also bring up James,--all of
+which details M. was to look after, as well as the care of forwarding to
+me any letters that might arrive after I was gone.
+
+It was nigh eight o'clock before we started, though breakfast was over a
+little after six; and, indeed, when all was ready, horses harnessed, and
+postilions in the saddle, the Count insisted on the "ladies" ascending
+the great watch-tower of the castle to see the sun rise. He assured
+them people came from all parts of the world for that view, which was
+considered one of the finest in Europe; and in proof of his assertion
+pointed to a long string of inscriptions on marble tablets in the wall.
+Here it was the Kur Furst of this; and there the Landgravine of that.
+Dukes, archdukes, and field-marshals figured in the catalogue, and
+amidst the illustrious of foreign lands a distinguished place was
+occupied by Milor Stubbs, who made the ascent on a day in the
+year recorded. That Mrs. Dodd and Mary Anne are destined to a like
+immortality, I have no doubt whatever.
+
+At last we got into the carriage, but not until the Count had saluted
+me on both cheeks, and embraced me tenderly in stage fashion; he kissed
+Mrs. D.'s hand, and Mary Anne's also, with such a touching devotion
+that, for the first time during that memorable morning, they both wiped
+their eyes. The sight of Morris, however, seemed to recall them to the
+sober realities of life; they shook hands with him, and away we went
+at that tearing gallop which, though very little more than six miles an
+hour, has all the apparent speed and the real peril of a special train.
+
+"Where's my fur cloak? Is my muff put in? I don't see the gray shawl.
+Mary Anne, what has become of the rug? I 'm certain half our things are
+left behind. How could it be otherwise, seeing the absurd haste in which
+we came away!" These are a few specimens of Mrs. D.'s lucubrations,
+given _per saltum_ as we bumped through the deep ruts of the road, and
+will explain, as well as a chapter on the subject, the train in which
+her thoughts were proceeding.
+
+Ay, Tom! for all the disgrace and ignominy of that miserable night and
+morning, she had no other sentiment of sorrow than for the absurd haste
+in which we came away. I had firmly determined not to recur to this
+unpleasant affair, and to let it sleep amongst the archives of similar
+disagreeable reminiscences, but this provocation was really too strong
+for me! Were they women?--were they human beings, and could reason this
+way?--were the questions that struggled for an answer within me! I tried
+to repress the temptation, but I could not, and so I resolved, if I
+could do no more, at least to discipline my emotions, and hold them
+within certain limits. I waited till we were out of the grounds,--I
+delayed till we were some miles on the high-road,--and then, with a
+voice subdued to a mere whisper, and in a manner that vouched for the
+most complete subjection, said,--
+
+"Mrs. Dodd, may I be permitted to inquire--and I premise that the object
+of my question is neither any personal nor a mere vulgar curiosity, but
+simply to investigate what might be termed a physiological fact, namely,
+whether females really feel less than the males of the human species?"
+
+My dear Tom, the calm tone of my exordium availed me nothing. To no
+end was it that I propounded the purely scientific basis of my
+investigation. She flew at me at once like a tigress. The abstract
+question that I had submitted for discussion she flung indignantly
+to the winds, and boldly asked me if I thought "to escape that way."
+"Escape "--that way! I was thunderstruck, stupefied, dumfoundered!
+Did the woman want to infer--could she by any diabolical ingenuity or
+perverseness imply--that I was possibly to blame for our late
+calamity? You 'll not credit it; nobody could, but it is the truth,
+notwithstanding. _That_ was exactly the charge she now preferred against
+me. If I bad taken proper steps to investigate the "Baron's" real
+pretensions,--if _I_ had made due and fitting inquiries about him,--if
+_I_ had been commonly intelligent, and displayed the most ordinary
+knowledge of the world,--in fact, if, instead of being a bull-headed,
+blundering old Irish country gentleman, I had been a cross between a
+foreign prefect and a London detective, the chances were that we had
+been spared the mortification of exhibiting ourselves as endeavoring
+to dupe people who were already successfully engaged in duping us! This
+wasn't all, Tom, but she boldly propounded the startling declaration
+that she and Mary Anne both had suspected the Baron to be an imposition
+and a cheat! and although his low manners and vulgar tone imposed upon
+_me_, they had always regarded him as shockingly underbred! It was
+_I_, however, who had rushed into the whole misadventure,--it was _I_
+concocted the entire scheme,--_I_ planned the visit,--_I_ made up the
+match. My stupid cupidity, my blundering anxiety for a grand alliance,
+were the causes of all the evil! The mock munificence of my settlements
+was hurled at me as proof positive of the eagerness of my duplicity,
+and I was overwhelmed with a mass of accusations which I verily believe
+would have obtained a verdict against me at the hands of any honest and
+impartial jury of my countrymen.
+
+I have more than once had to acknowledge, that when perfectly assured
+in my own conscience of my innocence, Mrs. D. has contrived to shake my
+doubts about myself, and at last succeeded in making me believe that I
+might have been culpable without knowing it. I suppose in these cases I
+may have been morally innocent and legally guilty, but I 'll not puzzle
+my head by any subtlety of explanation; enough if I own that a less
+enviable predicament no man need covet!
+
+I sat under this new allegation sad, silent, and abashed; and although
+Mary Anne said but little, yet her occasional "You must admit, papa,"
+"You will surely acknowledge," or "You cannot possibly forget," chimed
+in, and swelled the full chorus of accusation against me. If I said
+nothing, I thought the more. My reflections took this shape: Here is
+another blessed fruit of our coming abroad. Such an incident never
+could have befallen us at home. Why, then, should we continue to live on
+exposed to similar casualties?
+
+Why reside in a land where we cannot distinguish the man of rank from
+his scullion, and where all the forms that constitute good breeding and,
+maybe, good grammar, are quite beyond our appreciation? Every dilettante
+scribbler for the magazines who sketches his rambles in Spain or
+Switzerland, grows jocose over some eccentricity or absurdity of his
+countrymen. Their blunders in language, dress, or demeanor are duly
+chronicled and relied upon as subjects for a droll chapter; but let
+me tell you, Tom, that the difficulties of foreign residence are very
+considerable indeed, and, except to the man who issues from England with
+a certain well-proved and admitted station, social or political, the
+society into which he may be thrown is a downright lottery. The first
+error he commits, and it is almost inevitable, is to mistake the common
+forms of hat-lifting and bowing for acquaintanceship. "Bull" thinks that
+the gentleman desires to know him, and obligingly condescends to
+accept his overtures. The foreigner, somewhat amused to see the veriest
+commonplace of politeness received as evidence of acquaintance, profits
+by the admission, chats, and comes to tea. Now, Tom, whether it be cheap
+soup, cheap clothing, cheap travelling, or cheap friendship, I have a
+strong prejudice against them all. My notion is that the real article is
+not to be had without some cost and trouble.
+
+These were some of my ruminations as we rattled along; and although the
+road was interesting, and the day a fine bracing autumnal one, my
+mind was not attuned to pleasure or enjoyment We stopped to bait at
+Donaueschingen, for we were obliged, by some accident or other, to take
+the same horses on, and found a most comfortable little inn at the sign
+of the "Sharpshooter." After dinner we took a stroll in the garden of
+the palace of the mediatized Prince of Furstenberg; for, of course,
+there is a palace and a mediatized prince wherever there is a town of
+three thousand inhabitants throughout Germany. By the way, Napoleon
+treated these people pretty much like our own Encumbered Estates Court
+at home. He sold them out without any ceremony, and got rid of
+the feudal privileges and the seignorial rights with a bang of the
+auctioneer's hammer. Of course, as with us, there was often a great
+deal of individual hardship, but these little principalities were large
+evils, and half the disturbances of Europe grew out of their corrupt
+administration.
+
+There is, I often fancy, a natural instinctive kind of corruption
+incidental to the dominion of a small state. They are too small and
+too insignificant to attract any attention from the world without,
+and within their own narrow limits there is no such thing as a public
+opinion. The ruler, consequently, is free to follow the caprices of
+his folly, his cruelty, or his wastefulness. He has neither to dread
+a parliament nor a newspaper. If he send his small contingent--a
+commander-in-chief and a drummer of great experience--to the great army
+of the Confederation he belongs to, he may tax his subjects, or hang
+them, to his heart's content! Now, I cannot imagine a worse state
+of things than this, nor any more likely to foster that spirit of
+discontent which every hour is adding to the feeling of the Continent.
+
+While I am following this theme, I am forgetting what was uppermost a
+few minutes back in my mind. In the garden of the same palace, which
+belongs to a certain fount Furstenberg, there is a singularly beautiful
+little spring; it bubbles up amidst flowers and grass, and overruns
+the greensward in many a limpid streamlet. There is something in the
+unadorned simplicity of this tiny well, rippling through the yellow
+daffodils and "starry river buds," wonderfully pleasing; but what
+an interest fills the mind as we hear that this is the source of the
+Danube! "The mighty river that sweeps along through the rocky gorges of
+Upper Austria, washes the foundations of the Imperial Vienna, and flows
+on, ever swelling and widening and deepening, to the Black Sea,--that
+giant stream, so romantic in its associations with the touching tale
+of our own Richard,--so picturesque in its windings, so teeming with
+interest to the poet, the painter, the merchant, and the politician,
+there it is, a little crystal rivulet, whose destiny might well seem
+limited to the flowery borders, and blossoming beds around it." This
+isn't mine, Tom, though it's exactly what I would have said if the words
+occurred to me, but I copy it out of the Visitors' Book, where strangers
+write their names, and, so to say, leave their cards upon the infant
+Danube.
+
+Truisms are only tiresome to the hearer; they are a delightful
+recreation to the man that tells them, so that I am sorely tempted to
+mention some of those that suggested themselves to my mind as I stood
+beside that little spring,--all the analogies that at once arose to my
+fancy, between human life and the course of a mighty river, between the
+turnings and twinings and aberrations of childhood, the headlong current
+of youth, the mature force of manhood, and the trackless issue, at last,
+into the great ocean of eternity! One lesson we may assuredly gather
+from the contemplation: not to predicate from small beginnings against
+the likelihood of a glorious future!
+
+I left the place regretfully; the tranquil quietude of my two hours'
+ramble through the garden restored me to a serene and peaceful frame
+of mind. The little village itself, the tidy, unpretending inn, clean,
+comfortable, and a model of cheapness, were all to my fancy, and I could
+very well have liked to linger on there for a week or so. After all,
+what a commentary is it upon all pursuits of pleasure and amusement,
+to think that we really find our greatest happiness in those little,
+out-of-the-way, isolated spots, remote from all the attractions and
+blandishments of the gay world! I don't mean to say that Mrs. D. quite
+concurred with me, for she grew very impatient at my delay, and wondered
+excessively "what peculiar attraction the garden of the palace might
+have possessed, to make me forget myself." But it's not so easy a thing
+to do as she thinks! Forgetting oneself, Tom, implies so many other
+oblivions. It means forgetting one's tenants that have been over-rented,
+one's banker overdrawn, one's horses overworked, one's house out of
+repair, one's estate out at elbows; forgetting the duns that torment,
+the creditors that torture you,--the latitats, the writs, the mortgages,
+the bonds,--all the inflictions, in fact, consequent to parchment,
+signed, sealed, and delivered over to your persecuting angel! Oh dear,
+oh dear! what a thirsty swig would I take of Lethe if I could! and how
+happy would I be to start fresh in life without any one of the
+"liabilities," as they call them, that attach to Kenny Dodd!
+
+I remember, when I was a schoolboy, no day of the week had such terrors
+for me as Saturday, because we were obliged to answer a repetition of
+the whole week's work. That carrying up of the past was a load that
+always destroyed me! My notion was to let bygones be bygones, and it
+was downright cruelty to take me over the old ground of my former
+calamities. The same prejudice has tracked me through life. I can face a
+new misfortune as well as my neighbors; what kills me is going back
+over the old ones. Let me tell you, too, that there is a great deal of
+balderdash talked in the world about experience,--that with experience
+you 'll do this, that, and t' other better. Don't believe a word of
+it. You might as well tell me that having the typhus will teach a man
+patience the next time he catches a fever! Take my word for it, be as
+fresh as you can against the ills of life,--know as little of them as
+you can,--think as little of them! Keep your constitution--whether it be
+moral or physical--as intact as you are able, and rely on it you 'll not
+fare the worse when it comes to the trial!
+
+It was a fine evening, with a thin rim of a new moon in the sky, when
+we got ready to leave Donaueschingen. The bill for dinner came to about
+five shillings for three of us, wine included, and no charge for rooms,
+so that when I gave as much more to the servants, the enthusiasm of
+the household knew no bounds. The housemaid, indeed, in an excess of
+enthusiasm, would kiss my hand, and got rebuked by my wife as a "forward
+hussy, that ought to be well looked after." From this incident, however,
+our attention was soon diverted by the arrival of our second carriage,
+but without James! A note from Morris explained that he did not like to
+detain the servants, lest it should prove inconvenient to us, and that
+he would take care James should join us at Constance,--probably early
+on the next day. This note was handed to me by the post-boy,--a
+circumstance speedily accounted for, as I got out and saw that the whole
+company, consisting of Betty, Augustine, the courier, Paddy Byrne, and a
+fifth, unknown, were all very drunk and unable to speak, closely wedged
+in the britschka! Of course it was no time to ask for any explanations,
+and we came on to this place, which we reached by midnight.
+
+As I have given you a somewhat full narrative of what befell us, I may
+as well, ere I conclude, add some words of explanation of the state of
+our amiable followers. Betty Cobb, it appears, was seized with connubial
+symptoms while we were at the castle, and, yielding to the soft
+impeachment, and not being deterred by any discovery of false rank or
+pretensions, actually bestowed her hand on a distinguished swineherd
+that pertained to the place. The wedding took place after we left,
+the convivial festivities being continued all along the road till they
+overtook us. Had the unlucky girl married a New Zealand chief, or a
+Kaffir, her choice could not have fallen upon a more thoroughly savage
+specimen of the human race. The fellow is a Black Forest Caliban of the
+worst description. The question is now what to do with him, for Mrs. D.
+will not consent to part with Betty, nor will Betty separate from her
+liege lord; so that amongst my other blessings I may number that of
+carrying about the world a scoundrel that would disgrace a string of
+galley-slaves! Just imagine, Tom, in the rumble of a travelling-carriage
+a fellow six foot and a half high, dressed in a cowhide, with an ox
+gond in his hand, and a long naked knife in his girdle, speaking no
+intelligible tongue, nor capable of any function save the herding of
+wild animals,--the most uncultivated specimen of brute nature I ever
+heard, saw, or even read of! Fancy, I say, the pleasure of "lugging"
+this creature over the Continent of Europe, feeding, housing, and
+clothing him, his sole claim being that he is the husband of that
+precious bargain, Betty Cobb!
+
+Why, he 'd bring shame on a beast caravan! The best of it is, too, he
+holds to his "caste" like a Hindoo, and refuses all other
+occupation save the charge of swine. He would not aid to unload the
+carriage,--would not lift a trunk, nor carry a carpet-bag; and when
+admonished by Paddy for his laziness, showed two inches of a broad knife
+up his sleeve with a grin meant to imply that he knew how to resist any
+assault on his dignity! That the scoundrel has no respect for law,
+is clear enough; so that my hope is he will commit some terrible
+infraction, and that we may be able to send him to the galleys for the
+rest of his days. How I 'm to keep him and Paddy apart is more than yet
+appears to me. I suppose, in the end, one of them will kill the other.
+
+[Illustration: 536]
+
+From what I see here, the expense of keeping this beast--at an hotel at
+least--will be equal to the cost of three ordinary servants; for he has
+no regular meal-times, but has food cooked for him "promiscuously," and
+eats--if I 'm to credit the landlord--either a kid or a lamb _per diem_,
+A bear would n't be half the expense, and a far more companionable beast
+besides. It is but fair to say that Betty seems to adore him; she crams
+the monster all day with stolen victuals, and appears to have no other
+care in life than in watching after him.
+
+What induces Mrs. D. to feel this sudden attachment to Betty herself,
+I can't imagine. Up to this she railed at her unceasingly, and deplored
+the day and the hour she took her from home. But now, when this alliance
+really makes her insupportable, she won't hear of parting with her, and
+submits to a degree of tyranny from this woman that is utterly
+inexplicable. It's another of those feminine anomalies, Tom, that
+neither you nor I, nor maybe anybody else, will ever be able to
+reconcile.
+
+You will probably wonder how, at a moment like this, smarting as I am
+under the combined effects of insult and disappointment, I can turn my
+attention to a matter of this trifling nature; but I confess to you that
+the admission of this uncivilized element into the circle of my family
+inspires me with feelings of disgust, not unmixed with terror; for what
+he may do in any access of fury the infernal gods alone can say. So long
+as we are here, in this remote and little-visited town, the notice he
+attracts is confined to a troop of street loungers who follow him; but
+I have yet to learn how we are ever to make our appearance in a regular
+city in his company.
+
+Now to another matter, Tom, and the most essential of all. What are we
+to do for money? for, whether we go on or go back, we must have it. I
+have n't the heart to go over the accounts; nor would it put sixpence
+more in my pockets, if I was like Babbage's calculating-machine! Screw
+up the tenants, and make them pay the arrears. Healey owes us at least
+two hundred pounds. Try if he can't pay half. See, besides, if you
+cannot find a tenant for the place, even for a year. This Exhibition in
+Dublin will fill the country with strangers; and a good advertisement
+of Dodsborough, with an account of the "shooting and fishing, capital
+society, and two packs of hounds in the neighborhood," might take the
+notice of some aspiring Cockney. From what I see in the papers, Ireland
+is going to be the fashion this summer. I suppose that she is starved
+down to the pitch to be "thin and genteel," and that's the reason of it.
+
+Tell me what you think of this great display of "industrial products,"
+as they call it. Are we as wonderful as the Irish papers say, or are we
+really as backward as the "Times" pronounces us? My own notion is that
+the whole thing proceeds on a misconception of the country and
+its capabilities. These Exhibitions are essentially dependent
+on manufacturing skill for their excellence. Now, we are not a
+manufacturing people. We are agriculturists, and so are the Yankees; and
+consequently the utmost we can do is to show off the clever inventions
+and cunning products of our neighbors. Writing, as I do, confidentially
+to yourself, I will own, too, that I am not one of those sanguine
+admirers of these raree-shows, nor do I see in them the seeds of all
+that progress that others prophesy. Looking at a wonderful mechanical
+invention will no more teach me to imitate it, than going to Batty's
+Circus will enable me to jump through a hoop, or ride on my head!
+Amusement, pleasure, interest, there is in one as much as the other;
+but as for any educational advantage, Tom, I don't believe in it. To the
+scientific man these things are all familiar,--to the peasant they are
+all miraculous; and though the Electric Telegraph be really a wonderful
+thing, after one sees the miracles of the Church it ceases to surprise
+you! At all events, give me some account of the place and the people in
+your next, and write soon.
+
+I have kept this a day back, hoping to announce James's arrival here,
+but up to this there is no tidings of him. Yours, ever faithfully,
+
+Kenny James Dodd.
+
+P. S. I find now that this town is not in Switzerland, but in Baden,
+for the police have been here to know "who we are?" and "why we have
+come?"--two questions that would take longer to answer than they
+suspect. How absurd these little bits of national prejudice sound, when
+the symbol of nationality is only a blue post or a white one, and no
+geographical limit announces a new country. Droll enough, too, they are
+most importunate in their inquiries after James; as if the appearance
+of his name in the passport requires that he should be forthcoming when
+asked for. Ah, Tom! if the fellows that knocked old Europe about in
+'48 had resolutely set their faces against these stumbling-blocks
+to civilization--passports, police spies, town dues, and gate
+imposts,--they 'd have won the sympathy of millions, who do not care a
+rush about Universal Suffrage and the Liberty of the Press,--and, what
+is more, the concessions could never have been revoked nor recalled!
+
+To myself, individually, the system presents few annoyances; for I sit
+serene behind my ignorance of all continental languages, and say to
+myself, "Touch me if you dare." Maybe they half suspect the substance
+of my meditations, for they show the greatest deference towards my
+condition of passive resistance. The Brigadier has just bowed himself
+out of the room, with what sounded like a hearty curse, but what Mary
+Anne assures me was a sincere protestation of his sentiment of "high
+consideration and esteem." And now to dinner.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XLI. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+
+Constance on the Lake.
+
+Dearest Kitty,--With what rapture do I once more throw myself into the
+arms of your affection! How devotedly do I seek the sanctuary of my
+dearest Kitty's heart! It is all over, my sweet friend,--all over! I
+see you start,--your cheek is bloodless, and your lips tremble,--but
+reassure yourself, Kitty, and hear me. If there be anything against
+which I am weak and powerless,--if there be aught in life to oppose
+which I have neither strength nor energy,--it is the reproach of one I
+love! Already do I stand accused before you, even now have you arraigned
+me, and my condemnation is trembling on your lips. Avow it,--own it,
+dear girl. Your heart, at least, has said the words of my sentence: "All
+over! so then Mary Anne has jilted him,--changed her mind in the last
+hour,--trifled with his affections, and made a sport of his feelings."
+Yes, such is the charge against me; and, trembling as I stand before
+you, I syllable the word "Guilty." "Guilty, but with extenuating
+circumstances." Be calm then, be patient; and, above all, be merciful,
+while I plead before you.
+
+I deny nothing, I evade nothing. I cannot even pretend that my altered
+feelings originated in any long process of reason or reflection. I will
+not affect to say that I struggled against conflicting doubts, and only
+yielded when powerless to resist them. No, dearest, I am above every
+such shallow artifice; and I own that it was on the very morning your
+letter arrived--at the moment when my hot tears were falling over the
+characters traced by your hand--as, enraptured, I kissed the lines that
+breathed your love--then there suddenly broke upon me a light illumining
+the dark horizon around me. Space became peopled with forms and images,
+voices and warnings floated around and above me, and as I read your
+words--"If, then, your whole heart be his"--I trembled, Kitty, my eyes
+grew dim, my bosom heaved in agony, and, in my heart-wrung misery, I
+cried aloud, "Oh, save me from this perfidy,--save me from myself!"
+
+Save that the letter which my fingers grasped convulsively was the
+offspring of friendship and not of love betrayed, the scene was
+precisely like that which closes the second act of the "Lucia di
+Lammermoor." Mamma, the Baron, James, even to the priest, all were
+there; and, like Lucia, dressed in my bridal robe, the orange-flowers
+in my hair, and such a love of a Brussels veil fastened mantilla-wise to
+the back of the head, I stood pale, trembling, and conscience-stricken!
+the awful words of your question ringing in my ears, like the voice of
+an angel come to call me to judgment, "'If your whole heart be his!' But
+it is not," cried I, aloud,--"it is not, it never can be!" I know not in
+what wild rhapsody my emotions found utterance. I have no memory of that
+gushing cataract in which overwrought feelings found their channel.
+I spoke in that rapt enthusiasm in which, as we are told, the ancient
+priestesses delivered their dream-revealings, for I, too, was as one
+inspired, as agony alone can inspire. Of myself I know nothing, but I
+have since heard that the scene was harrowing to a degree that no words
+can convey. The Baron, mounted on his fastest courser, fled into the
+woods; James, spirited on by some imagined sense of injury, thirsting
+for a vengeance on he knew not what or whom, pursued him; mamma was
+seized with frantic screaming; and even papa himself, whose lethargic
+humor stands him like an armor of proof,--even he swore and imprecated
+in a manner that called forth a most impressive rebuke from the
+chaplain.
+
+[Illustration: 541]
+
+The scene changes,--we are away! The castle and its deep woods grow
+dim behind us; the wild mountains of the Schwartz Wald rise before and
+around us. The dark pines wave their stately tops, the wood-pigeon cries
+his plaintive note; rocky glen and rugged precipice, foaming waterfalls
+and wooded slopes, pass swiftly by, and on we hasten,--on and on; but,
+with all our speed, dark, brood-ing care can still outstrip us, and
+sorrow follows faster than the wind.
+
+We arrived at Constance by midnight, when I soon betook me to bed, and
+cried myself to sleep. Sweet--sweet tears were they, flowing like the
+crystal drops from the margin of an overcharged fountain; for such was
+the heart of your afflicted Mary Anne.
+
+It is not by any casuistry about the injustice I should have done, had
+I bestowed a moiety where I had promised a whole heart. It is not by any
+pretence that I felt this to be an unworthy artifice, that I now appeal
+to your merciful consideration. It is simply as one suddenly awakened
+to the terrible conviction that she cannot be loved as she is capable
+of loving; or, in other words, that she despairs of ever inspiring that
+passion which alone could requite her for the agony of love. Oh, Kitty,
+it is an agony, and such a one as no torture of human wickedness ever
+equalled. May you never feel it in that intensity of suffering which is
+alike its ecstasy and its woe!
+
+Do not reproach me, Kitty; my heart has already done so,
+bitterly,--terribly! Again and again have I asked myself, "Who and what
+are you, that dare to reject rank, wealth, station, glorious lineage,
+and a noble name? If these and the most devoted love cannot move
+you, what are the ambitions that rise before you?" Over and over do
+I interrogate myself thus, and yet the only reply is, a heart-heaved
+sigh,--the spirit-wrung voice of inward suffering! You, dearest, who
+know your friend, will not accuse her of exaggerated or overwrought
+vanity. None so well as you are aware that these are not my
+characteristic failings.
+
+An excess of humility may depreciate me, even to the lowliest condition
+of humble fortune; and if happiness be but there, I will not deem the
+choice a mean one! You will judge of the sincerity of my words, when I
+tell you that I have just been unpacking all my things, and putting them
+away in drawers and wardrobes; and oh, Kitty, if you could but see them!
+Papa was really splendid, and allowed me to order everything I could
+fancy. Of course his generosity fettered rather than stimulated my
+extravagance, so that I merely took the absolute _nécessaire_. Of these
+I may mention two cashmeres and three Brussels scarfs, one a perfect
+love; twelve morning, eighteen evening dresses, of which one for
+the altar is covered with Valenciennes, looped up with pearls and
+brilliants*, the corsage ornamented down the front with a bouquet of
+the same stones, arranged to represent lilies of the valley, with
+dewdrops,--a pretty device, and quite simple, to suit the occasion.
+The presentation robe is actually magnificent, and only needs a diamond
+_parure_ to be queenly. How I dote, too, on these dear little bonnets!
+I never weary of trying them on; they sit so coquettishly on the back of
+the bead, and make one look sly and modest, and gentle and saucy, all
+at once! In this walk of art the French are incomparably above us. Dress
+with them observes all the harmony of color and the keeping of a great
+picture. No lilac bonnets and blue shawls,--no scarlets and pinks
+alternately killing and marring each other,--none of that false heraldry
+of costume by which your Englishwoman displays her vulgar wealth and
+ill-assorted finery. All is graceful, well toned, and harmonious. Your
+_mise_ is, so to say, the declaration of your sentiments, just as the
+signal of a man-of-war proclaims her intention; and how ingenious to
+think that your stately cashmere suggests homage, your ermined mantle
+watchful devotion, your muslin peignoir confidence and intimate
+intercourse.
+
+Now, your "English" must _look_ all these to be intelligible, and
+constantly converts herself into a great staring, ogling, leering
+machine, very shocking to contemplate.
+
+I need scarcely remark to you, dearest, that the step I have just taken
+has made my position in the family like that of the young lady who
+refused Louis Napoleon before Europe. Our situations, if you come to
+consider them, are wonderfully alike; and there are extraordinary points
+of resemblance between the gentlemen, to which I cannot at present more
+fully allude. The ungenerous observations and slighting allusions to
+which I am exposed would actually wring your heart. Even James remarked
+that the whole affair reminded him of Joe Hudson, who, after accepting
+an Indian appointment, refused to sail when he had obtained the outfit.
+"Mary Anne only wanted the kit," was the vulgar impertinence by which
+he closed this piece of flattery; and this was in allusion to the
+_trousseau!_ Men are so shallow, so meanly minded, Kitty, and, above
+all, so ungenerous in the measure of our motives. They really think that
+we value dress for itself, and not as a means to an end,--that end being
+their own subjection! Mamma, I must say, is truly kind; she regrets,
+naturally enough you will think, the loss of a great alliance. She had
+pictured to herself the quartering of the M'Carthys with the house of
+W------, and ranged in imagination over various remote but ambitious
+contingencies; but, with true maternal affection, she has effaced all
+these memories from her heart, only to think of me and of my emotions. I
+have also been able to supply her with a consolation, no less great than
+unexpected, in this wise: papa, from one cause or other, had been of
+late seriously meditating a return to Ireland; I shame to say, Kitty,
+that he never valued, never understood the Continent; its habits, its
+ways, and its wines, all disagreed with him; financial reasons, too,
+influenced him; for somehow, up to this, we have been forced to overlook
+the claims of economy, and only regard those which refer to the station
+we are to maintain in society. Now, from all these causes, he had
+brought himself to think the only safety lay in a speedy retreat! Mamma
+had ascertained this beyond a doubt by some passages in Mr. Purcell's
+letters to papa; how obtained I know not. From these she gathered that
+at any moment he was capable of abandoning the campaign, and embarking
+the whole army! The misery such a course would entail upon us I have no
+need to enlarge upon; nor could I, if I tried, find words to depict the
+condition of suffering that would be ours if again domesticated in that
+dreadful island. Forgive me, dearest, if I wound one susceptibility of
+your tender heart,--I would not ruffle even a rose-leaf of your gentle
+nature; but I cannot refrain from saying that Ireland is very dreadful!
+Philosophers affect to tell us, Kitty, that from the chemical properties
+of meteoric stones we can predicate the nature of the planets from which
+they have fallen, and the most ingenious theories as to the structure,
+size, and conformation of their bodies are built upon such slender
+materials. Now, would it be too wide a stretch of ingenuity to apply
+this theory to home affairs, and argue, from the specimen one sees of
+the dear country, what must be the land that has reared them? And oh,
+Kitty, if so, what a sentence we should be condemned to pass!
+
+But to the consolation of which I spoke, and which in this diversion I
+was nigh forgetting. Papa, as I mentioned, was bent on going home;
+and now these costly preparations of wedding finery offer the means of
+opposing him, for of what use could they possibly be at Dodsborough,
+Kitty? To what end that enormous outlay, if brought back to the regions
+of Bruff? Here is an expensive armament,--all the _matériel_ of a
+campaign provided; who would counsel the consigning it to rust and
+decay? who would advise giving over to moths what might be made the
+adornment of some brilliant capital? Whether we consider the question
+morally, financially, or strategically, we arrive at the same
+conclusion. Such a display as this, if exhibited at home, would
+revolutionize the whole neighborhood, disgust them with home-grown gowns
+and bonnets, and lead to irrepressible extravagance, debt, and ruin. So
+far for moral considerations. Financially, the cost is incurred, and it
+only remains to make the outlay profitable; this, it is needless to say,
+cannot be done at Dodsborough. And now for the strategy, the tactical
+part, Kitty. We all know that whenever a marriage is broken off, scandal
+seizes the occasion for any reports she likes to circulate, and the
+good-natured world always agrees in condemning "the lady." If her
+character or conduct be unimpeachable, then they make searches as to
+her temper. She was a termagant that ruled her whole family, scolded her
+sisters, bullied her brothers, and was the terror of everyone. If this
+indictment cannot be sustained, they find a flaw in her fortune; her
+twenty thousand was "only ten;" ten, Irish currency; perhaps on an Irish
+mortgage of an Irish property, mayhap charged with Heaven knows what of
+annuities to Irish relations! Now, Kitty, it is essential to avoid every
+one of these evil imputations, and I have supplied mamma with so good
+a brief in the cause, so carefully drawn up, and so well argued, that
+I don't think papa will let the case go to a jury, or, in other words,
+that he will give in his submission at once. I have much more to tell
+you, and will write again to-morrow.
+
+Ever yours in affection,
+
+Mary Anne Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XLII. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+
+Lake of Constance
+
+My dearest Kittt,--True to my pledge, I sit down to continue the
+revelations, the first volume of which is already before you; and as I
+left off in a chapter of _désagréables_, let me finish the theme ere I
+proceed to pleasanter paths and greener pastures.
+
+Betty Cobb has gone and taken to herself a husband; and such a husband
+as really I did not fancy could be found nearer us than the Waterkloof,
+if that be the correct spelling of the pleasant locality in Kaffirland
+where some of the something--Fifth or Eighth--are always getting
+surprised and cut to pieces. The creature is a swineherd,--one of those
+dreadful semi-savages that Germany rears out of respect to its ancient
+traditions about wood demons and kobolds. So terrific an object I never
+beheld, and his "get up," as James would call it, equals his natural
+advantages.
+
+You may remember the wretches who are thrusting the page into the
+furnace in Retsch's illustrations of Schiller's poem, "Der Gang auf
+den Eisenhammer,"--one of these is a flattering likeness of him. Betty,
+however, whose taste in manly beauty is not formed on the Antinous
+model, believes him to be perfection. At all events, no promise of
+double wages, presents, or other seductions could warp her allegiance
+from this seductive object; and as mamma suddenly discovered that she
+was quite indispensable to her, the consequence is that we have to
+accept the company and companionship of the graceful "Taddy," who is now
+part of our legation as a swineherd unattached. You must know, Kitty,
+that these worthy people, who are brought up from infancy to regard
+pigs as the most important part of the creation, are impressed with
+a profound contempt for the human species; that all their habits are
+imbued with swinish tastes, modes, and prejudices,--that they love to
+live in woods, sleep on the ground, and grunt their sentiments, when
+they have any. Whether these be the characteristics of conjugalism, or
+the features which, as the book says, "make home happy," time and Betty
+alone can tell. I must say that fear and disgust are, for the present,
+the impressions his appearance suggests to me; but Betty is clearly of a
+different mind.
+
+Meanwhile, as regards ourselves, he is really a most embarrassing
+element of the state. He is totally unacquainted with all laws, divine
+and human, and only sufficiently gifted with speech to convey his
+commonest wishes; and, from what I can learn, Caspar Hauser was a man
+of the world in comparison to him. Papa is, of course, frantic at the
+thought of his pertaining to us,--but what is to be done? Betty has
+declared that she will follow him to Jericho; by which she means to some
+fabulous land of unreal geography; and mamma will not part with Betty.
+To-morrow, or next day, I expect to hear that Taddy protests he can't
+live without his pigs, and that a legion of swine become part of our
+travelling equipment. Already has his presence on our staff called for
+the attention of the authorities, who are, very naturally, curious to
+know what we mean by such a functionary. Papa, on his side, thinks it
+part of an Englishman's birthright to resist, oppose, and torment the
+police; and, of course, will give no information whatever as to why he
+is here, but avows his determination to retain him in his service just
+on that account.
+
+These complications--to give them a mild name--have so absorbed me that
+I have forgotten to tell you about our present place of sojourn. The
+Lake of Constance sounds pretty, dearest. It seems to address itself
+at once to our sense of the beautiful, and our moral attachment to the
+true. As we approached it, I looked eagerly from the carriage, at each
+turning of the mountain road, for some glimpses of the scenery; but
+night fell suddenly, and closed all in darkness. Early on the following
+morning I arose, and taking Augustine with my sketch-book, hurried down
+to the border of the lake; for our most quaint and ancient "hostelry"
+stands in the very centre of the town, and fully fifteen minutes' walk
+from the water. We reached it suddenly, on turning the angle of a narrow
+lane, and came out upon a small stone pier projecting into the water,
+and this was the lake,--the Lake of Constance! Only think, Kitty, of
+a great wide expanse of bleak water, with low shores; no glaciers,
+no Alps, no sublimity! I could have cried with disappointment The
+custom-house people--very nice-looking men, with a becoming uniform of
+green and gold--assured me that at the upper end of the lake I should
+see the mountains of the Vorarlberg, and also the range of the Swiss
+Alps, and have abundant material for my pencil. Meanwhile they made an
+old boatman sit while I sketched him; he was mending his net, and with
+his long blue nightcap, and scarf of the same color, his snow-white
+beard, and fine Rembrandt color, he really made a charming study. The
+chief officer of the customs--a remarkably handsome man, with the very
+blackest moustaches--was in downright enthusiasm at the success of my
+little sketch; and really, as it was utterly valueless, I could not
+resist Augustine's entreaty to tear it out of my book and give it to
+him.
+
+[Illustration: 1a024]
+
+You can't think, Kitty' with what a graceful mixture of gratitude and
+dignity he accepted my worthless present. He might, so far as breeding
+went, have been a captain of hussars. He accompanied us all the way back
+to the hotel, having previously placed his boat and his boat's crew at
+my disposal during our stay here. Ah, Kitty, what a charm there is in
+the amiable tone of foreigners! How striking the contrast between their
+cultivated politeness and the rude barbarism of our own people! Fancy
+for a moment what is our home notion of a custom-house official!--a
+shabby genteel individual, with a week's beard and a brandy-and-water
+eye, that pokes into your trunk after French gloves, and searches
+your brother's pocket for cheroots. Imagine _him_ beside one of these
+magnificently dressed and really splendid-looking men, with all the air
+of an aide-de-camp to the Queen! How naturally we are led to estimate
+the style in which people live by the dress and appointment of their
+household; and should we not pass a similar judgment on states, and
+argue, from the appropriate costume of the functionaries, to their own
+completeness and perfection of system?
+
+I said nothing to mamma of our newly made acquaintance; for as I entered
+the inn I learned that James and another gentleman had just arrived, but
+so tired and fatigued that they both had given orders that they should
+not be disturbed on any account. You may be sure, Kitty, I was intensely
+curious to know who the stranger was; but all my inquiries were only so
+many additional provocatives to my eagerness, without any satisfaction!
+I learned, indeed, that he was young, handsome, tall, and spoke French
+and German fluently; so much so, indeed, that the waiter hesitated
+whether to call him English or not! James and his fellow-traveller had
+arrived by the diligence from Schaffhausen, so that there was really
+nothing by which we could catch a clew to his friend; and I was left to
+my patience and my conjectures till breakfast time.
+
+I own to you, Kitty, the trial was too much for my nerves, overstrung as
+they have been by late events. I fancied a thousand things. I imagined
+incidents, events, casualties, of which, even to you, dearest, I cannot
+give the interpretation. Unable, at last, to resist the working of a
+curiosity that had risen to a torture, I took the resolution to awake
+James, and ask who was his friend. I traversed the corridor with
+stealthy footsteps, and sought out the number of his room. It was 43,
+the waiter said, and the last on the gallery; and so I found it. I
+turned the handle noiselessly, and entered. The window-curtains were
+closely drawn, and all was in deep shadow. In one corner of the chamber
+stood the bed, from which the deep respirations of the sleeper issued;
+and, poor fellow, it must have been more than common fatigue and
+weariness that could have caused such sounds. As with cat-like stillness
+I stole across the chamber, my eyes, growing accustomed to the dim
+half-light, began to discover objects on each side of me. For instance,
+I perceived a splendid dressing-gown of amber-colored silk, lined with
+pale blue, and gorgeously embroidered; a cap of the same colors, with
+a silver tassel of a foot in length, lay beside it Slippers of costly
+embroidery in silver thread, and a most magnificent meerschaum, with a
+mounting of gold and rubies, was on the table, beside a pair of
+pistols, whose carved stocks were inlaid with a tracery of the finest
+workmanship. These I knew to be James's, for I had seen them with him;
+and there were various other articles equally splendid and costly,
+all new to me,--such as card-cases, tablets, cigar-holders, and a most
+gorgeous dressing-case of gold and Bohemian glass, from which, really, I
+could scarcely tear myself away. I was well aware that James had set no
+limit to his personal extravagance; but these, and the display of rings,
+pins, buttons, shirt-studs, chains, and trinkets of all kinds, perfectly
+astounded me. And here let me remark, Kitty, that the young men of
+the present day far exceed us in all that pertains to this taste
+for ornamental jewelry. As my eyes ranged over these attractive and
+beautiful objects, I was particularly struck with an opal brooch,
+representing a parrot in the midst of palm-leaves. It was a most
+beautiful piece of enamel work, studded with gems of every brilliant
+hue.
+
+It was, as you may imagine, far too pretty for a man's wear, and I
+resolved to profit by the occasion, to appropriate, or, as the Americans
+say, to "annex" it to my own possessions. I had just fastened it in the
+front of my dress, when the handle of the door turned, and--oh, Kitty!
+conceive my agony as I heard James's voice speaking from without! It
+was, therefore, not _his_ chamber where I was standing, nor could the
+sleeper be _he!_ Escape and concealment were my first thought, and I
+sprang behind a screen at the very moment the door opened. Should I live
+a hundred years, I shall never cease to remember the intense misery of
+that moment. You need only picture my situation to your own mind, to see
+how distressing it must have been. The certainty of being discovered if
+I made the slightest noise saved me from fainting, but I almost fancied
+that the loud beating of my heart might have betrayed me.
+
+James came in without any peculiar deference for the sleeper's nerves,
+and, upsetting a chair or two, stumbled across the room towards the bed,
+on which he seated himself, calling out "George--Tiverton--old fellow!
+don't you mean to get up at all to-day?"
+
+[Illustration: a028]
+
+Oh, Kitty! fancy my trembling tenor as I heard that I was in the chamber
+of Lord George Tiverton. The very utmost I could do was to refrain from
+a scream; nor do I now know how I succeeded in repressing it.
+
+It was not till after repeated efforts that James succeeded in awaking
+his friend, who at length, with a long-drawn sigh, exclaimed, "By Jove,
+Jemmy! I'm glad you routed me up. I 've had a horrid dream. Only think,
+I imagined that I was still in the House of Lords listening to that
+confounded case! I fancied that Scratchley was addressing their
+Lordships in reply, and pledging himself to show that gross neglect, and
+even cruelty, could be proved against me. The old scoundrel's harsh
+voice is still ringing in my ears, and I hear him tearing me to very
+tatters!"
+
+"Was there anything of that sort?" said James, as he struck a light to
+his cigar and began smoking.
+
+"Why, I must say, he was _not_ complimentary. These fellows, you are
+aware, have a vocabulary of their own, and when setting up a defence
+for a pretty woman, married at seventeen, they pitch into one's little
+frailties at a very cruel rate. Not exactly that the narrative is very
+detrimental to a man's future prospects; what really damages you is
+what they call cruelty, and your wife's maid--particularly if she be a
+Frenchwoman--can always prove this."
+
+"Indeed!" exclaimed James, in some astonishment.
+
+"To be sure she can. Why, everything that thwarts her mistress in
+anything--good, bad, or indifferent--is cruelty in the French sense.
+You are rather given to fast acquaintances; you bring home with you to
+supper, some three or four times a week, detachments of that respectable
+company one meets at Tattersall's Yard, or in the Turf Club; chicken
+hazard and the _coulisses_ of the opera are amongst your weaknesses;
+you have a taste for sport, and would rather take the odds against the
+favorite than lay out your spare cash at Howell and James's. That 's
+cruelty! When regularly done up in town, you make a bolt for Boulogne,
+or rush down to your shooting-box in the Highlands. That 's more
+cruelty, and neglect besides! Terribly pressed for money, you try to
+bully your wife's uncle, one of the trustees to her settlement, and
+threaten to kick him downstairs. Gross cruelty! Harder up again, you
+pledge her diamonds. Shocking cruelty! Cleared out and sold up,
+you suggest the propriety of her sending away the French maid, and
+travelling up to Paris alone. That's monstrous cruelty! And, in fact,
+all together establish a clear justification for anything that may
+befall you. Besides this, Jemmy, if you marry a girl of good family, she
+is sure to have either a father, an uncle, or a brother, or perhaps some
+three or four cousins in the Lords; now, whatever comes off, they oppose
+your bill, and as their Lordships only want to hear your story, to
+listen to the piquant narrative of domestic differences and conjugal
+jarrings, nobody cares a straw whether you succeed or not. Give me a
+light, Jim."
+
+They both continued to puff their cigars for some time in silence,
+during which my sufferings rose to absolute torture; for, in addition to
+the shocking circumstances of my own situation, was now the fact of my
+having overheard a most private conversation.
+
+"So they threw out your bill?" asked James, after a pause.
+
+"Deferred judgment!" replied the other, puffing, "which comes to pretty
+nigh the same thing. Asked for further evidence, explanations, what not!
+Cursed cigars! don't draw at all."
+
+"They 're Bollard's best Havannahs."
+
+"Well, perhaps I've been unlucky in my choice; if so, it's not the first
+time, Jem;" and he laughed heartily at the notion. "I say, take care and
+don't say anything about this affair of mine."
+
+"But it will be in all the papers. The 'Times' will give it to-morrow or
+next day."
+
+"Not a bit of it,--had a private hearing, old fellow. Too many good
+names compromised to have the thing made town talk,--you understand."
+
+"Ah, that's it!" said James.
+
+"Yes, It 's one of the few privileges remaining to what Lord Grey calls
+'our order,' except, perhaps, the judgments of the London magistrates.
+To do _them_ justice, the fellows do know what a lord is, and 'they
+act accordingly.' There, it's out at last,"--and he threw away his
+cigar,--"and I suppose I may as well think of getting up. Just draw that
+curtain, Jem, and open the shutter."
+
+Oh, Kitty dearest, can you form to yourself any idea of my situation!
+James had already risen from the bedside, and was groping his way to the
+window. Another moment, and the flood of light would pour into the room
+and inevitably discover me. My agitation almost choked me; it was like
+a sense of drowning, and at the same time accompanied by the terrible
+thought that I must not dare to cry for succor. James was busy with the
+button of the window-fastening,--another instant and it would be too
+late,--and with the energy of utter despair I sprang from behind the
+screen, and then, pushing it with all my force, upset it over the
+toilet-table, the whole tumbling against James with a horrid crash, and
+laying him prostrate beneath the ruins. I dashed from the room with
+the speed of lightning; I know not how I flew along the gallery, up the
+stairs, and gained my own chamber, but, as I turned the key inside, all
+consciousness left me, and I fell fainting on the floor. The noise of
+many footsteps on the corridor outside, and the sound of voices, aroused
+me. The fragments I could collect showed me that all were discussing the
+late catastrophe, and none able to explain it. Oh, Kitty, what a gush
+of delight rushed through me to hear that I had escaped unseen, unknown,
+unsuspected!
+
+The general voice attributed the accident to James's awkwardness, and I
+could perceive that he had not escaped without some bruises.
+
+It was a long time, too, ere I could turn my thoughts from my late peril
+to think of the strange revelation I had been witness to; nor was it
+without a certain shock to my feelings that I learned Lord George was
+married. His attentions to me were certainly particular, Kitty. No girl,
+with any knowledge of life, makes any mistake on the subject, because,
+if she entertains a doubt, she knows how at once to resolve it, by tests
+as unerring as those a chemist employs to discover arsenic.
+
+Now, I had submitted him to one or two of these at times, and they
+all showed him to be "infallibly affected." With what a sense of
+disappointment, then, was I to hear that he was already married, the
+only alleviation being that he was seeking to dissolve the tie! Poor
+fellow! how completely did this unhappy circumstance explain many
+expressions whose meaning had hitherto puzzled me! How I saw through
+clouds and mists that once obscured the atmosphere of my hopes! And
+how readily did I forgive him for vacillation and uncertainty, which,
+before, had often distressed and displeased me. Until free, it was, of
+course, impossible that he could avow his sentiments undisguisedly,
+and now I recognized the noble character of the struggle that he had
+maintained with himself. Oh, Kitty, it is not only that "the course of
+true love never did run smooth," but it really could not be true love
+if it did so. The sluggish stream of common affection flows lazily
+along between the muddy banks and sedgy sides of ordinary life, but the
+boiling torrent of passionate love requires the rocks of difficulty
+to dam its course and impart that character of foamy impetuosity that
+sweeps away every obstacle and dashes onward to its goal regardless of
+danger! I 'm sure I feel quite convinced that such is the nature of Lord
+G.'s passion; and that now these stupid "Lords" have rejected his plea
+for a divorce, if he be not rescued by the hand of devoted affection, he
+may rash madly into every excess, and dissipate the great talents with
+which he is so remarkably gifted.
+
+Be candid now, my darling Kitty, and confess frankly that you are
+greatly shocked at these doctrines, and your dear little Irish prudery
+blushes crimson at the bare thought of feeling even an interest in a
+man already married, and horrified at the notion of his hypothetical
+attentions. Yes, I see it all; your sweetly dimpled mouth is pursed up
+with conscious propriety, and you are arranging your features into
+all the sternness of judicial severity; but hear me for one moment in
+defence, if not in justification. All these things seem very dreadful to
+you in the solitudes of Tipperary, simply because of their infrequency.
+The man who has separated from his wife, or the woman divorced from
+her husband, are great criminals to your home-bred notions, and by
+your social code they are sentenced at once to a life of solitude and
+isolation; but in the real world, my dear Kitty, on the great stage
+of life, this severity would be downright absurdity; the category so
+mercilessly condemned by you is exactly that which contains the
+true salt of society; these are the very people that everybody calls
+charming, fascinating, delightful! All the elastic, buoyant natures,
+the joyous spirits, the invariable good tempers, the generous hearts one
+meets with, are amongst them. Why such happily gifted creatures should
+not have made their homes a paradise, is a problem none can solve. It
+is like the squaring of the circle,--the cause of Irish misery,--or
+anything else you can think of equally inscrutable; but the fact is as I
+tell you; and if you will just run your eye over any list of fashionable
+company, and select such as I speak of, believe me you will have
+extracted all the plums from the pudding. As for Lord George himself, a
+more delightful creature does not exist; and one has only to know him
+to be convinced that the woman who could not be happy with him must be a
+demon. Of the generous character he possesses, and at the same time the
+consummate tact of his manner, an instance grew out of the little event
+I have just related. In my confusion and embarrassment after escaping
+from the room, I totally forgot the brooch which I had placed in my
+dress, and actually came down to breakfast with it still there. Guess
+my shame and horror, Kitty, when James called out, across the table, "I
+say, Mary Anne, what a smart pin you 've got there,--one of the neatest
+things I have seen." I grew scarlet, then pale, and felt as if I was
+going to faint; when Lord George cried out, "It is, really, very tasty.
+I had one myself something like it, but the stones were emeralds, not
+rubies; and I think Miss Dodd's is prettier."
+
+The man who could rescue one at such a conjuncture, Kitty, is worthy
+of all confidence, and so I told him by a glance. Meanwhile he gave the
+conversation another turn by proposing a fishing excursion on the lake,
+and immediately after breakfast we all sallied forth to the water.
+
+Notwithstanding his agreeability,--and he never displayed it to greater
+advantage,--I was silent and abstracted during the entire day. The
+embarrassment of my position was almost unendurable; and it was only
+as he took my arm, to conduct me back to the hotel, that I regained
+anything like courage.
+
+"Why are you so serious?" said he. "Mind, I don't want a confession;
+only, that I have a secret for _your_ ear, whenever you will trust _me_
+with one of yours."
+
+I made him no answer, Kitty, but walked along in silence, and with my
+veil down.
+
+I write all these things to my dearest friend with less reserve than I
+could recall them to my own memory in solitude. I tell her everything;
+and she is the true partner of my joys, my sorrows, my hopes, and my
+terrors. Yet must I leave much to her imagination to picture forth the
+state of my affections, and the troubled sea of my heart's emotions.
+And, oh! dearest, kindest, tenderest of all friends, do not mistake, do
+not misconstrue the feelings of your ever attached and devoted
+
+Mary Anne.
+
+I wanted to tell you something of our future destination, and I have
+detained this for that purpose, but still everything is uncertain and
+undecided. Papa received a large packet, like law papers and leases,
+from Mr. Purcell yesterday, and has been occupied in perusing them ever
+since. We are in terror lest he should decide on going back; and every
+time he enters the room we are trembling in dread of the announcement.
+Mamma has had an hysterical attack in preparation for the moment, for
+the last twenty-four hours, and even if "no cause be shown," I fancy she
+will not throw away so much good agony for nothing, but take it out for
+what Sir Boyle Roach fought his duel, "miscellaneous reasons."
+
+Cary is still staying with the Morrises. How she endures it I can't
+conceive; a half-pay lover and a half-pay _ménage_ are two things that,
+to _me_ at least, would be insupportable. The girl is really totally
+destitute of all proper pride, and makes the silly mistake of supposing
+that a spirit of independence is the best form of self-esteem. I suppose
+it will end by the "Captain's" proposing for her; but up to this, I
+believe, it is all friendship, regard, and so on.
+
+END OF VOL. I.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Dodd Family Abroad, Vol. I.(of II), by 
+Charles James Lever
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DODD FAMILY ABROAD ***
+
+***** This file should be named 35441-8.txt or 35441-8.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        http://www.gutenberg.org/3/5/4/4/35441/
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+http://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+http://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at http://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit http://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
+To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     http://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
diff --git a/35441-8.zip b/35441-8.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b4b6d95
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-8.zip
diff --git a/35441-h.zip b/35441-h.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..d063848
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h.zip
diff --git a/35441-h/35441-h.htm b/35441-h/35441-h.htm
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..f238a06
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/35441-h.htm
@@ -0,0 +1,20793 @@
+<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN">
+<html lang="en">
+<head>
+<meta http-equiv="Content-Type"
+    content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1">
+<title>
+    The Dodd Family Abroad, Volume I.
+    by Charles James Lever
+</title>
+
+<style type="text/css">
+    <!--
+		body { text-align:justify}
+    P { margin:15%;
+        margin-top:    .75em;
+        margin-bottom: .75em; }
+    H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; }
+		hr  { width: 50%; }
+    hr.full { width: 100%; }
+    .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; }
+		.play { margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; text-align: justify; font-size: 100%; }
+		img {border: 0;}
+    HR  { width: 33%; text-align: center; }
+		blockquote {font-size: 97%; margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%;}
+		.pagenum  { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */
+            /*  visibility: hidden;  */
+                position: absolute;
+                left: 1%;
+                font-size: smaller;
+                text-align: left;
+                color: gray;
+              } /* page numbers */
+		.figleft   {float: left; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 1%;}
+    .figright  {float: right; margin-right: 10%; margin-left: 1%;}
+		.mynote    {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em;
+                margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;}
+		.toc       { margin-left: 5%; margin-bottom: .75em; font-size: 110%;}
+    .toc2      { margin-left: 5%;}
+		.indent    {font-style: italic; font-size: 100%; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;}
+    CENTER { padding: 10px;}
+		PRE    { font-family: Times; font-style: italic; font-size: 100%; margin-left: 25%;}
+    -->
+</style>
+
+</head>
+<body>
+
+
+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Dodd Family Abroad, Vol. I.(of II), by 
+Charles James Lever
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Dodd Family Abroad, Vol. I.(of II)
+
+Author: Charles James Lever
+
+Illustrator: Phiz And W. Cubitt Cooke
+
+Release Date: March 1, 2011 [EBook #35441]
+[Last updated: September 26, 2020]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DODD FAMILY ABROAD ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+<br><br>
+
+<h1>
+    THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD
+</h1>
+<h2>
+By Charles James Lever
+</h2><br>
+<h3>
+With Illustrations By Phiz And W. Cubitt Cooke.
+</h3><br>
+
+<h2>
+In Two Volumes: Vol. I.
+</h2><br>
+<h4>
+Boston: Little, Brown, And Company
+
+<br>
+1895.
+</h4>
+
+
+<br />
+<center>
+<img alt="frontispiece (175K)" src="images/frontispiece.jpg" height="647" width="1076" />
+</center>
+<br />
+
+<br />
+<center>
+<img alt="014 (110K)" src="images/014.jpg" height="1122" width="648" />
+</center>
+<br />
+
+
+
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<hr>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+
+<h2>Contents</h2>
+<center>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_PREF">
+PREFACE.
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0003">
+A WORD FROM THE EDITOR.
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0004">
+THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD
+</a></p>
+</center>
+
+
+<center>
+<table summary="">
+<tr><td>
+
+
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0005">
+LETTER I. TO MR. THOMAS PURCELL, OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0006">
+LETTER II. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, AT DODSBOROUGH
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0007">
+LETTER III. MISS DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0008">
+LETTER IV. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQUIRE TRINITY COLLEGE, DUBLIN
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0009">
+LETTER V. KENNY DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ.
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0010">
+LETTER VI. MISS MARY AUNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0011">
+LETTER VII. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH.
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0012">
+LETTER VIII. BETTY COBB TO MRS. SHUSAN O'SHEA, PRIEST'S HOUSE, BRUFF
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0013">
+LETTER IX. KENNY DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ.
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0014">
+LETTER X. CAROLINE DODD TO MISS COX, AT MISS MINCING'S ACADEMY
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0015">
+LETTER XI. MR. DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0016">
+LETTER XII. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0017">
+LETTER XIII. FROM K. I. DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0018">
+LETTER XIV. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQ., TRINITY COLLEGE, DUBLIN.
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0019">
+LETTER XV. MISS DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN.
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0020">
+LETTER XVI. KENNY I. DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE ORANGE, BRUFF
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0021">
+LETTER XVII. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0022">
+LETTER XVIII. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0023">
+LETTER XIX. BETTY COBB TO MRS. SHUSAN O'SHEA, PRIEST'S HOUSE, BRUFF.
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0024">
+LETTER XX. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQUIRE, TRINITY COLLEGE,
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0025">
+LETTER XXI. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER.
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0026">
+LETTER XXII. KENNY DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0027">
+LETTER XXIII. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH.
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0028">
+LETTER XXIV. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQUIRE, TRINITY COLLEGE,
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0029">
+LETTER XXV. KENNY DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0030">
+LETTER XXVI. MRS. DODD TO MR. PURCELL, OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0031">
+LETTER XXVII. MRS. DODD TO MRS. MARY GALLAGHER, HOUSEKEEPER, DODSBOROUGH
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0032">
+LETTER XXVIII. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQUIRE, TRINITY COLLEGE,
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0033">
+LETTER XXIX. CAROLINE DODD TO MISS COX AT MISS MINCING'S ACADEMY, BLACK ROCK, IRELAND
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0034">
+LETTER XXX. MISS MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0035">
+LETTER XXXI. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0036">
+LETTER XXXII. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQ., TRINITY COLLEGE,
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0037">
+LETTER XXXIII. KENNY JAMES DODD TO MR. PURCELL, OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0038">
+LETTER XXXIV. KENNY JAMES DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0039">
+LETTER XXXV. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0040">
+LETTER XXXVI. MRS. DODD TO MRS. MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH.
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0041">
+LETTER XXXVII. KENNY JAMES DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE,
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0042">
+LETTER XXXVIII. KENNY JAMES DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0043">
+LETTER XXXIX. BETTY COBB TO MRS. SHUSAN O'SHEA, PRIEST'S HOUSE, BRUFF.
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0044">
+LETTER XL. KENNY I. DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0045">
+LETTER XLI. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+</a></p>
+<p class="toc"><a href="#2H_4_0046">
+LETTER XLII. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+</a></p>
+
+
+
+</td></tr>
+</table>
+</center>
+
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<hr>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<a name="2H_4_0001"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    TO SIR EDWARD LYTTON BULWER LYTTON, Bart., M.P.
+</h2>
+<p>
+My Dear Sir Edward,&mdash;While asking you to accept the dedication of this
+volume, I feel it would be something very nigh akin to the Bathos
+were <i>I</i> to say one word of Eulogy of those powers which the world has
+recognised in <i>you</i>.
+</p>
+<p>
+Let me, however, be permitted, in common with thousands, to welcome the
+higher development which your Genius is hourly attaining, to say God
+speed to the Author of "The Caxtons" and "My Novel," and cry "Hear!" to
+the Eloquent Orator whose words have awakened an enthusiasm that shows
+Chivalry still lives amongst us.
+</p>
+<p>
+Believe me, in all admiration and esteem,
+</p>
+<p>
+Your faithful friend,
+</p>
+<center>
+CHARLES LEVER.
+</center>
+<p>
+Casa Capponi, Florence, March, 1854.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_PREF"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    PREFACE.
+</h2>
+<p>
+Although the faulty judgment of authors on their own productions has
+assumed something like the force of a proverb, I am ready to incur the
+hazard of avowing that the present volume is, to my own thinking, better
+than anything else I have done. I am not about to defend its numerous
+shortcomings and great faults. I will not say one word in extenuation of
+a plan which, to many readers, forms an insuperable objection,&mdash;that
+of a story in letters. I wish simply to record the fact that the book
+afforded me much pleasure in the writing, and that I felt an amount of
+interest in the character of Kenny Dodd such as I have never before nor
+since experienced for any personage of my own creation.
+</p>
+<p>
+The reader who is at all acquainted with the incidents of foreign
+travel, and the strange individuals to be met with on every European
+highway, will readily acquit me of exaggeration either in describing the
+mistaken impressions conceived of Continental life, or the difficulties
+of forming anything like a correct estimate of national habits by those
+whose own sphere of observation was so limited in their own country.
+In Kenny Dodd, I attempted to portray a man naturally acute and
+intelligent, sensible and well judging where his prejudices did not
+pervert his reason, and singularly quick to appreciate the ridicule
+of any absurd situation in which he did not figure himself. To all the
+pretentious ambitions of his family,&mdash;to their exaggerated sense of
+themselves and their station,&mdash;to their inordinate desire to figure in a
+rank above their own, and appear to be something they had never hitherto
+attempted,&mdash;I have made him keenly and sensitively alive. He sees Mrs.
+Dodd's perils,&mdash;there is not a sunk rock nor a shoal before her that he
+has not noted, and yet for the life of him he can't help booking himself
+for the voyage. There is an Irishman's love of drollery,&mdash;that passion
+for what gives him a hearty laugh, even though he come in for his share
+of the ridicule, which repays him for every misadventure. If he is
+momentarily elated by the high and distinguished company in which he
+finds himself, so far from being shocked when he discovers them to be
+swindlers and blacklegs, he chuckles over the blunders of Mrs. D. and
+Mary Anne, and writes off to his friend Purcell a letter over which he
+laughs till his eyes run.
+</p>
+<p>
+Of those broad matters to which a man of good common-sense can apply
+his faculties fairly, his opinions are usually just and true; he likes
+truth, he wants to see things as they are. Of everything conventional he
+is almost invariably in error; and it is this struggle that in a manner
+reflects the light and shade of his nature, showing him at one moment
+clear-headed and observant, and at the next absurdly mistaken and
+ignorant.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was in no spirit of sarcasm on my countrymen that I took an Irishman
+to represent these incongruities; nay, more, I will say that in the very
+liability to be so strongly impressed from without, lies much of that
+unselfishness which forms that staple of the national character which so
+greatly recommends them to strangers.
+</p>
+<p>
+If I do not speak of the other characters of the book, it is because I
+feel that whatever humble merit the volume may possess is ascribable to
+the truthfulness of this principal personage. It is less the Dodd family
+for which I would bespeak the reader's interest, than for the trials of
+Kenny Dodd himself, his thoughts and opinions.
+</p>
+<p>
+Finally, let me observe that this story has had the fortune to be better
+liked by my friends, and less valued by the public, than any other of my
+books.
+</p>
+<p>
+I wrote it, as I have said, with pleasure; well satisfied should I be
+that any of my readers might peruse it with as much. It was planned and
+executed in a quiet little cottage in the Gulf of Spezia, something more
+than six years ago. I am again in the same happy spot; and, as I turn
+over the pages, not altogether lost to some of the enjoyment they once
+afforded me in the writing, and even more than before anxious that I
+should not be alone in that sentiment.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is in vain, however, for an author to bespeak favor for that which
+comes not recommended by merits of its own; and if Kenny Dodd finds no
+acceptance with you on his own account, it is hopeless to expect that he
+will be served by the introduction of so partial a friend as
+</p>
+<p>
+Your devoted servant,
+</p>
+<center>
+CHARLES LEVER.
+</center>
+<p>
+Marola, Gulf of Spezia,
+</p>
+<p>
+October 1,1859.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0003"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    A WORD FROM THE EDITOR.
+</h2>
+<p>
+The Editor of the Dodd Correspondence may possibly be expected to give
+the Public some information as to the manner by which these Letters
+came into his possession, and the reasons which led him to publish them.
+Happily he can do both without any breach of honorable confidence. The
+circumstances were these:&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+Mr. Dodd, on his returning to Ireland, passed through the little
+watering-place of Spezzia, where the Editor was then sojourning. They
+met accidentally, formed acquaintanceship, and then intimacy. Amongst
+the many topics of conversation between them, the Continent and its
+habits occupied a very wide space. Mr. D. had lived little abroad; the
+Editor had passed half of a life there. Their views and judgment were,
+as might be surmised, not always alike; and if novelty had occasionally
+misled one, time and habit had not less powerfully blunted the
+perceptions of the other. The old resident discovered, to his
+astonishment, that the very opinions which he smiled at from his
+friend, had been once his own; that he had himself incurred some of the
+mistakes, and fallen into many of the blunders, which he now ridiculed,
+and that, so far from the Dodd Family being the exception, they were
+in reality no very unfair samples of a large class of our travelling
+countrymen. They had come abroad with crude and absurd notions of what
+awaited them on the Continent. They dreamed of economy, refinement,
+universal politeness, and a profound esteem for England from all
+foreigners. They fancied that the advantages of foreign travel were
+to be obtained without cost or labor; that locomotion could educate,
+sight-seeing cultivate them; that in the capacity of British subjects
+every society should be open to them, and that, in fact, it was enough
+to emerge from home obscurity to become at once recognized in the
+fashionable circles of any Continental city.
+</p>
+<p>
+They not only entertained all these notions, but they held them in
+defiance of most contradictory elements. They practised the most rigid
+economy when professing immense wealth; they affected to despise the
+foreigner while shunning their own countrymen; they assumed to be
+votaries of art when merely running over galleries; and lastly, while
+laying claim, and just claim, for their own country to the highest moral
+standard of Europe, they not unfrequently outraged all the proprieties
+of foreign life by an open and shameless profligacy. It is difficult to
+understand how a mere change of locality can affect a man's notions of
+right and wrong, and how Cis-Alpine evil may be Trans-Alpine good. It
+is very hard to believe that a few parallels of latitude can affect the
+moral thermometer; but so it is, and so Mr. Dodd honestly confessed he
+found it. He not only avowed that he could do abroad what he could
+not dare to do at home, but that, worse still, the infraction cost
+no sacrifice of self-esteem, no self-reproach. It was not that these
+derelictions were part of the habits of foreign life, or at least of
+such of it as met the eye; it was, in reality, because he had come
+abroad with his own preconceived ideas of a certain latitude in morals,
+and was resolved to have the benefit of it. Such inconsistency in
+theory led, naturally, to absurdity in action, and John Bull became, in
+consequence, a mark for every trait of eccentricity that satirists could
+describe, or caricaturists paint.
+</p>
+<p>
+The gradations of rank so rigidly defined in England are less accurately
+marked out abroad. Society, like the face of the soil, is not enclosed
+by boundaries and fenced by hedgerows, but stretches away in boundless
+undulations of unlimited extent. The Englishman fancies there are no
+boundaries, because he does not see the landmarks. Since all seems open,
+he imagines there can be no trespass. This is a serious mistake! Not
+less a one is, to connect title with rank. He fancies that nobility
+represents abroad the same pretensions which it maintains in England,
+and indignantly revenges his own blunder by calumniating in common every
+foreigner of rank.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mr. Dodd fell into some of these errors; from others he escaped. Most,
+indeed, of his mistakes were those inseparable from a false position;
+and from the acuteness of his remarks in conversation, it is clear that
+he possessed fair powers of observation, and a mind well disposed to
+receive and retain the truth. One quality certainly his observations
+possessed,&mdash;they were "his own." They were neither worked out from the
+Guide-book, nor borrowed from his <i>Laquais de Place</i>. They were the
+honest convictions of a good ordinary capacity, sharpened by the habits
+of an active life. It was with sincere pleasure the Editor received from
+him the following note, which reached him about three weeks after they
+parted:&mdash;
+</p>
+<center>
+"DODSBOROUGH, BRUFF.
+</center>
+<p>
+"My dear Harry Lorrequer,&mdash;I have fished up all the Correspondence of
+the Dodd Family during our <i>Annus Mirabilis</i> abroad, and send it to you
+with this. You have done some queer pranks at Editorship before now, so
+what would you say to standing Sponsor to us all, foundlings as we are
+in the world of letters? I have a notion in my head that we were n't a
+bit more ridiculous than nine-tenths of our travelling countrymen, and
+that, maybe, our mistakes and misconceptions might serve to warn such
+as may come after us over the same road. At all events, use your own
+discretion on the matter, but say nothing about it when you write to me,
+as Mrs. D. reads all my letters, and if she knew we were going to print
+her, the consequences would be awful!
+</p>
+<p>
+"You 'll be glad to hear that we got safe back here,&mdash;Tuesday was a
+week,&mdash;found everything much as usual,&mdash;farming stock looking up, pigs
+better than ever I knew them. I have managed to get James into the
+Police, and his foreign airs and graces are bringing him into the
+tip-top society of the country. Purcell tells me that we 'll be driven
+to sell Dodsborough in the Estates Court, and I suppose it 's the best
+thing after all, for we can buy it in, and clear off the mortgages that
+was the ruin of us.
+</p>
+<p>
+"When everything is settled, I have an idea of taking a run through the
+United States, to have a peep at Jonathan. If so, you shall hear from
+me.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Meanwhile, I am yours, very faithfully,
+</p>
+<p>
+"Kenny I. Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Do you know any Yankees, or could you get me a few letters to some of
+their noticeable men? for I 'd like to have an opportunity of talk with
+them."
+</p>
+<p>
+The Editor at once set about the inspection of the documents forwarded
+to him, and carefully perused the entire correspondence; nor was it
+until after a mature consideration that he determined on accepting the
+responsible post which Mr. Dodd had assigned to him.
+</p>
+<p>
+He who edits a Correspondence, to a certain extent is assumed to be a
+concurring party, if not to the statements contained in it, at least to
+its general tone and direction. It is in vain for him to try and hide
+his own shadow behind the foreground figure of the picture, or merge
+his responsibility in that of his principal. The reader will hold him
+chargeable for opinions that he has made public, and for sentiments
+which, but for his intervention, had slept within the drawer of a
+cabinet. This is more particularly the case where the sentiments
+recorded are not those of any great thinker or high authority amongst
+men whose <i>dicta</i> may be supposed capable of standing the test of
+a controversy, on the mere strength of him who uttered them. Now,
+unhappily, the Dodd Family have not as yet produced one of these gifted
+individuals. Their views of the world, as they saw it in a foreign tour,
+are those of persons of very moderate capacity, with very few special
+opportunities for observation. They wrote in all the frankness of close
+friendship to those with whom they were most intimately allied. They
+uttered candidly what they felt acutely. They chronicled their
+sorrows, their successes, their triumphs, and their shame. And although
+experience did teach them something as they went, their errors tracked
+them to the last. It cannot be expected, then, that the Editor is
+prepared to back their opinions and uphold their notions, nor is he
+blamable for the judgments they have pronounced on many points. It is
+true, it was open to him to have retrenched this and suppressed that. He
+might have cancelled a confession here, or blotted out an avowal there;
+but had he done so in one Letter, the allusion contained in some other
+might have been pointless,&mdash;the distinctive character of the writer
+lost; and what is of more moment than either, a new difficulty
+engendered, viz., what to retain where there was so much to retrench.
+Besides this, Mrs. D. is occasionally wrong where K. I. is right, and it
+is only by contrasting the impressions that the value of the judgments
+can be appreciated.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is not in our present age of high civilization that an Editor need
+fear the charge of having divulged family secrets, or made the private
+history of domestic life a subject for public commentary. Happily, we
+live in a period of enlightenment that can defy such petty slanders.
+Very high and titled individuals have shown themselves superior to
+similar accusations, and if the "Dodds" can in any wise contribute
+to the amusement or instruction of the world, they may well feel
+recompensed for an exposure to which others have been subjected before
+them.
+</p>
+<p>
+As in all cases of this kind, the Editor's share has been of the very
+lightest. It would not have become him to have added anything either
+of explanation or apology to the contents of these Letters. Even when a
+word or two might have served to correct a mistaken impression, he
+has preferred to leave the obvious task to the reader's judgment to
+obtrusively making himself the means of interpretation. In fact, he has
+had little to do beyond opening the door and announcing the company, and
+his functions cease when this duty is accomplished. It would be alike
+ungracious and ungrateful in him, however, were he to retire without
+again thanking those kind and indulgent friends who have so long and so
+warmly welcomed him.
+</p>
+<p>
+With no higher ambition in life than to be the servant of that same
+Public, nor any more ardent desire than to merit well at their hands, he
+writes himself, as he has so often had occasion to do before, but at no
+time more sincerely than now,
+</p>
+<p>
+Their very devoted and faithful servant,
+</p>
+<center>
+THE EDITOR.
+</center>
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<hr>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+<a name="2H_4_0004"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h1>
+    THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD
+</h1>
+<a name="2H_4_0005"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER I. TO MR. THOMAS PURCELL, OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    Hôtel Des Bains, Ostend.
+</h3>
+<p>
+Dear Tom,&mdash;Here we are at last,&mdash;as tired and seasick a party as
+ever landed on the same shore! Twenty-eight hours of it, from the St.
+Katharine Docks, six of them bobbing opposite Margate in a fog,&mdash;ringing
+a big bell all the time, and firing minute-guns, lest some thumping
+India-man or a homeward-bound Peninsular should run into us,&mdash;and five
+more sailing up and down before Ostend, till it was safe to cross the
+bar, and enter the blackguard little harbor. The "Phoenix"&mdash;that was our
+boat&mdash;started the night before the "Paul Jones" mail-packet, and we
+only beat her by a neck, after all! And this was a piece of Mrs. Dodd's
+economy: the "Phoenix" only charges "ten-and-six" for the first cabin;
+but, what with the board for a day and night, boats to fetch you out,
+and boats to fetch you in, brandy-and-water against the sickness,&mdash;much
+good it was!&mdash;soda-water, stewards, and the devil knows what of broken
+crockery,&mdash;James fell into the "cuddy," I think they call it,
+and smashed two dozen and three wine-glasses, the most of a blue
+tea-service, and a big tureen,&mdash;the economy turned out a "delusion and a
+snare," as they say in the House. It 's over now, thank God! and, except
+some bruises against the bulkheads and a touch of a jaundice, I 'm
+nothing the worse. We landed at night, and were marched off in a gang to
+the Custom House. Such a time I never spent before! for when they upset
+all our things on the floor, there was no getting them into the trunks
+again; and so we made our way through the streets, with shawls and muffs
+and silk dresses all round us, like a set of play-actors. As for me, I
+carried a turban in one hand, and a tray of artificial flowers in the
+other, with a toque on my head and a bird-of-paradise feather in my
+mouth. James fell, crossing the plank, with three bran-new frocks and a
+bonnet of the girls', and a thing Mrs. D. calls a "visite,"&mdash;egad,
+they made a visite of it, sure enough, and are likely to stay some time
+there, for they are under some five feet of black mud, that has lain
+there since before the memory of man. This was n't the worst of it;
+for Mrs. D., not seeing very well in the dark, gave one of the passport
+people a box on the ear that she meant for poor Paddy, and we were
+hauled up before the police, and made pay thirty francs for "insulting
+the authorities," with something written on our passport, besides,
+describing my wife as a dangerous kind of woman, that ought to be looked
+after. Poor Mathews had a funny song, that ran,&mdash;
+</p>
+<pre>
+     "If ever you travel, it must n't seem queer
+     That you sometimes get rubs that you never get here."
+</pre>
+<p>
+But, faith, it appears to me that we have fallen in with a most uncommon
+allowance of friction. Perhaps it's all for the best; and by a little
+roughing at first, we'll the sooner accustom ourselves to our new
+position.
+</p>
+<p>
+You know that I never thought much of this notion of coming abroad,
+but Mrs. D. was full of it, and gave me neither peace nor ease till I
+consented. To be sure, if it only realizes the half of what she says,
+it's a good speculation,&mdash;great economy, tip-top education for Tom and
+the girls, elegant society without expense, fine climate, and wine for
+the price of the bottles. I 'm sorry to leave Dodsborough.
+</p>
+<p>
+I got into a way of living there that suited me; and even in the few
+days I spent in London I was missing my morning's walk round the big
+turnip-field, and my little gossip with Joe Moone. Poor Joe! don't let
+him want while I 'm away, and be sure to give him his turf off our own
+bog. We won't be able to drain the Lough meadows this year, for we 'll
+want every sixpence we can lay our hands on for the start. Mrs. D. says,
+"'T is the way you begin abroad decides everything;" and, faith, our
+opening, up to this, has not been too prosperous.
+</p>
+<p>
+I thought we 'd have got plenty of letters of recommendation for the
+Continent while we were in London; but it is downright impossible to
+see people there. Vickars, our member, was never at home, and Lord
+Pummistone&mdash;I might besiege Downing Street from morning till night, and
+never get a sight of him! I wrote as many as twenty letters, and it was
+only when I bethought me of saying that the Whigs never did anything
+except for people of the Grey, Elliott, or Dundas family, that he sent
+me five lines, with a kind of introduction to any of the envoys or
+plenipotentiaries I might meet abroad,&mdash;a roving commission after a
+dinner,&mdash;sorrow more or less! I believe, however, that this is of no
+consequence; at least, a most agreeable man, one Krauth, the sub-consul
+at Moelendrach, somewhere in Holland, and who came over in the same
+packet with us, tells me that people of condition, like us, find
+their place in the genteel society abroad as naturally as a man with
+moustaches goes to Leicester Square. That seems a comfort; for, between
+me and you, the fighting and scrambling that goes on at home about
+<i>who</i> we 'll have, and who 'll have us, makes life little better than
+an election shindy! K. is a mighty nice man, and full of information. He
+appears to be rich, too, for Tom saw as many as thirteen gold watches
+in his room; and he has chains and pins and brooches without end. He was
+trying to persuade us to spend the winter at Moelendrach, where, besides
+a heavenly climate, there are such beautiful walks on the dikes, and
+elegant society! Mrs. D. does n't like it, however, for, though we 've
+been looking all the morning, we can't find the place on the map;
+but that does n't signify much, since even our post town of
+Kellynnaignabacklish is put down in the "Gazetteer" "a small village on
+the road to Bruff," and no mention whatever of the police-station, nor
+Hannagin's school, nor the Pound. That's the way the blackguards make
+books nowadays!
+</p>
+<p>
+Mary Anne is all for Brussels, and, afterwards, Germany and the
+Rhine; but we can fix upon nothing yet. Send me the letter of credit on
+Brussels, in any case, for we 'll stay there, to look about us, a
+few weeks. If the two townlands cannot be kept out of the "Encumbered
+Estates," there 's no help for it; but sure any of our friends would
+bid a trifle, and not see them knocked down at seven or eight years'
+purchase. If Tullylicknaslatterley was drained, and the stones off it,
+and a good top dressing of lime for two years, you 'd see as fine a crop
+of oats there as ever you 'd wish; and there hasn't been an "outrage,"
+as they call it, on the same land since they shot M'Shea, last
+September; and when you consider the times, and the way winter set in
+early, this year, 't is saying a good deal. I wish Prince Albert would
+take some of these farms, as they said he would. Never mind enclosing
+the town parks, we can't afford it just now; but mind that you look
+after the preserves. If there 's a cock shot in the boundary-wood, I 'll
+turn out every mother's son of the barony.
+</p>
+<p>
+I was going to tell you about Nick Mahon's holding, but it's gone clean
+out of my head, for I was called away to the police-office to bail out
+Paddy Byrne, the dirty little spalpeen; I wish I never took him from
+home. He saw a man running off with a yellow valise,&mdash;this is his
+story,&mdash;and thinking it was mine, he gave him chase; he doubled and
+turned,&mdash;now under an omnibus, now through a dark passage,&mdash;till Paddy
+overtook him at last, and gave him a clippeen on the left ear, and
+a neat touch of the foot that sent him sprawling. This done, Paddy
+shouldered the spoil, and made for the inn; but what d' ye think? It
+turned out to be another man's trunk, and Paddy was taken up for the
+robbery; and what with the swearing of the police, Pat's yells, and
+Mrs. D.'s French, I have passed such a half-hour as I hope never to
+see again. Two "Naps." settled it all, however, and five francs to the
+Brigadier, as well-dressed a chap as the Commander of the Forces at
+home; but foreigners, it seems, are the devil for bribery. When I told
+Pat I 'd stop it out of his wages, he was for rushing out, and taking
+what he called the worth of his money out of the blackguard; so that I
+had to lock him into my room, and there he is now, crying and screeching
+like mad. This will be my excuse for anything I may make in way of
+mistakes; for, to say truth, my head is fairly moidered! As it is,
+we 've lost a trunk; and when Mrs. D. discovers that it was the one
+containing all her new silk dresses, and a famous red velvet that was to
+take the shine out of the Tuileries, we'll have the devil to pay! She's
+in a blessed humor, besides, for she says she saw the Brigadier wink
+at Mary Anne, and that it was a good kicking he deserved, instead of
+a five-franc piece; and now she's turning on me in the vernacular,
+in which, I regret to say, her fluency has no impediment. I must now
+conclude, my dear Tom, for it 's quite beyond me to remember more than
+that I am, as ever,
+</p>
+<p>
+Your sincere friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+Betty Cobb insists upon being sent home; this is more of it! The journey
+will cost a ten-pound note, if Mrs. D. can't succeed in turning her off
+of it. I 'm afraid the economy, at least, begins badly.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0006"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER II. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, AT DODSBOROUGH
+</h2>
+<p>
+Hotel of the Baths, Ostend. Dear Molly,&mdash;This is the first blessed
+moment of quiet I've had since I quitted home; and even now there's the
+<i>table d'hôte</i> of sixty-two in the next room, and a brass band in the
+lobby, with, to be sure, the noisiest set of wretches as waiters ever
+I heard, shouting, screaming, knife-jingling, plate-crashing, and
+cork-drawing, till my head is fairly turned with the turmoil. The
+expense is cruel, besides,&mdash;eighteen francs a day for the rooms,
+although James sleeps in the <i>salon</i>; and if you saw the bed,&mdash;his
+father swears it was a mignonette-box in one of the windows! The eating
+is beautiful; that must be allowed. Two soups, three fishes, five roast
+chickens, and a piece of veal, stewed with cherries; a dish of chops
+with chiccory, and a meat-pie garnished with cock's-combs,&mdash;you maybe
+sure I didn't touch them; after them there was a carp, with treacle, and
+a big plate of larks and robins, with eggs of the same, all round. Then
+came the heavy eating: a roast joint of beef, with a batter-pudding, and
+a turkey stuffed with chestnuts, ducks ditto, with olives and onions,
+and a mushroom tart, made of grated chickens and other condiments. As
+for the sweets, I don't remember the half of them, nor do I like to try,
+for poor dear James got a kind of surfeit, and was obliged to go to bed
+and have a doctor,&mdash;a complaint, they tell me, mighty common among the
+English on first coming abroad. He was a nice man, and only charged five
+francs. I wish you 'd tell Peter Belton that; for though we subscribe a
+pound a year to the dispensary, Mr. Peter thinks to get six shillings
+a visit every time he comes over to Dodsborough,&mdash;a pleasant ride of
+eleven miles,&mdash;and sure of something to eat, besides; and now that
+I think of it, Molly, 'tis what's called the learned professions in
+Ireland is eating us all up,&mdash;the attorneys, the doctors, the parsons.
+Look at them abroad: Mr. Krauth, a remarkably nice man, and a consul,
+told me, last night, that for two-and-sixpence of our money you 'd have
+the best advice, law or medical, the Continent affords; and even that
+same is a comfort!
+</p>
+<p>
+The <i>table d' hôte</i> is not without some drawbacks, however, my dear
+Molly, for only yesterday I caught an officer, the Brigadier of the
+Gendarmerie they call him, throwing sly glances at Mary Anne across the
+table. I mentioned it to K. I., but like all fathers that were a little
+free-and-easy when young, he said, "Pooh! nonsense, dear. 'Tis the way
+of foreigners; you'll get used to it at last." We dined to-day in our
+own room; and just to punish us, as I suppose, they gave us a scrag of
+mutton and two blue-legged chickens; and by the bill before me,&mdash;for I
+have it made up every day,&mdash;I see "<i>dîner particulier</i>" put down five
+francs a head, and the <i>table d'hôte</i> is for two!
+</p>
+<p>
+K. I. was in a blessed passion, and cursed my infernal prudery, as he
+called it. To be sure, I did n't know it was to cost us a matter of
+fifteen francs. And now he 's gone off to the <i>café</i>, and Mary Anne is
+crying in her own room, while Caroline is nursing James; for, to tell
+you the truth, Betty Cobb is no earthly use to us; and as for Paddy
+Byrne, 't is bailing him out of the police-office and paying fines for
+him we are, all day.
+</p>
+<p>
+We 'll scarcely save much this first quarter, for what with travelling
+expenses and the loss of my trunk,&mdash;I believe I told you that some
+villain carried away the yellow valise, with the black satin trimmed
+with blonde, and the peach-colored "gros de Naples," and my two elegant
+ball-dresses, one covered with real Limerick lace,&mdash;these losses, and
+the little contingencies of the road, will run away with most of our
+economies; but if we live we learn, and we 'll do better afterwards.
+</p>
+<p>
+I never expected it would be all pure gain, Molly; but is n't it worth
+something to see life,&mdash;to get one's children the polish and refinement
+of the Continent, to teach them foreign tongues with the real accent,
+to mix in the very highest circles, and learn all the ways of people of
+fashion? Besides, Dodsborough was dreadful; K. I. was settling down to
+a common farmer, and in a year or two more would never have asked any
+higher company than Purcell and Father Maher; as for James, he was
+always out with the greyhounds, or shooting, or something of the kind;
+and lastly, you saw yourself what was going on between Peter Belton and
+Mary Anne!... She might have had the pride and decency to look higher
+than a Dispensary doctor. I told her that her mother's family was
+McCarthys, and, indeed, it was nothing but the bad times ever made me
+think of Kenny Dodd. Not that I don't think well of poor Peter, but
+sure it's hard to dress well, and keep three horses, and make a decent
+appearance on less than eighty pounds a year,&mdash;not to talk of a wife at
+all!
+</p>
+<p>
+I hope you 'll get Christy into the Police; they are just the same as
+the Hussars, and not so costly. Be sure that you send off the two trunks
+to Ostend with the first sailing-vessel from Limerick; they'll only cost
+one-and-fourpence a cubic foot, whatever that is, and I believe they 'll
+come just as speedy as by steam. I 'm sorry for poor Nancy Doran; she
+'ll be a loss to us in the dairy; but maybe she 'll recover yet. How
+can you explain Brindled Judy not being in calf? I can scarce believe
+it yet. If it be true, however, you must sell her at the spring fair.
+Father Maher had a conceit out of her. Try if he is disposed to give ten
+pounds, or guineas,&mdash;guineas if you can, Molly.
+</p>
+<p>
+There's no curing that rash in Caroline's face, and it's making her
+miserable. I 've lost Peter's receipt; and it was the only thing stopped
+the itching. Try and get a copy of it from him; but say it's for Betty
+Cobb.
+</p>
+<p>
+I was interrupted, my dear Molly, by a visit from a young gentleman
+whose visiting-card bears the name of Victor de Lancy, come to ask after
+James,&mdash;a very nice piece of attention, considering that he only met
+us once at the <i>table d'hôte</i>. He and Mary Anne talked a great deal
+together; for, as he does n't speak English, I could only smile and
+say "We-we" occasionally. He's as anxious about James as if he was his
+brother, and wanted to sit up the night with him; though what use would
+it be? for poor J. does n't know a word of French yet. Mary Anne tells
+me that he 's a count, and that his family was very high under the
+late King; but it's dreadful to hear him talk of Louis Philippe and
+the Orleans branch. He mentioned, too, that they set spies after him
+wherever he goes; and, indeed, Mary Anne saw a gendarme looking up at
+the window all the time he was with us.
+</p>
+<p>
+He spent two hours and a half here; and I must say, Molly, foreigners
+have a wonderful way of ingratiating themselves with one: we felt,
+when he was gone away, as if we knew him all our life. Don't pay any
+attention to Mat, but sell the fruit, and send me the money; and as for
+Bandy Bob, what's the use of feeding him now we 're away? Take care that
+the advertisement about Dodsborough is in the "Mail" and the "Packet"
+every week: "A Residence fit for a nobleman or gentleman's family,&mdash;most
+extensive out-offices, and two hundred acres of land, more if required,"
+ought to let easy! To be sure, it's in Ireland, Molly; that's the worst
+of it There is n't a little bit of a lodging here on the sands, with
+rush-bottom chairs and a painted table, doesn't bring fifty francs a
+week!
+</p>
+<p>
+I must conclude now, for it's nigh post-hour. Be sure you look after
+the trunks and the pony. Never mind sending the Limerick paper; it costs
+three sous, and has never anything new. K. I. sees the "Times" at the
+rooms, and they give all the outrages just as well as the Irish papers.
+By the way, who was the Judkin Delaney that was killed at Bruff? Sure it
+is n't the little creature that collected the county-cess: it would be a
+disgrace if it was; he was n't five foot high!
+</p>
+<p>
+Tell Father Maher to send me a few threatening lines for Betty Cobb;
+'tis nothing but the priest's word will keep her down.
+</p>
+<p>
+Your most affectionate friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+Jemima Dodd
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0007"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER III. MISS DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    HÔTEL DE BELLEVUE, BRUSSELS.
+</h3>
+<p>
+Dearest Kitty,&mdash;If anything could divert the mind from sorrow,&mdash;from the
+"grief that sears and scalds,"&mdash;it would be the delightful existence of
+this charming city, where associations of the past and present pleasure
+divide attention between them. We are stopping at the Bellevue, the
+great hotel of the upper town; but my delight, my ecstasy, is the old
+city,&mdash;the Grande Place, especially, with its curious architecture,
+of mediaeval taste, its high polished roofs, and carved architraves. I
+stood yesterday at the window where Count Egmont marched forth to the
+scaffold; I touched the chair where poor Horn sat for the last
+time, whilst his fainting wife fell powerless at his knees, and I
+thought,&mdash;yes, dearest Kitty, I own it,&mdash;I thought of that last dreadful
+parting in the summer-house with poor Peter.&mdash;My tears are blotting out
+the words as I write them. Why,&mdash;why, I ask, must we be wretched? Why
+are we not free to face the humble destiny which more sordid spirits
+would shrink from? What is there in narrow fortune, if the heart soars
+above it? Papa is, however, more inexorable than ever; and as for mamma,
+she looks at me as though I were the disgrace of our name and lineage.
+Cary never did&mdash;never could understand me, poor child!&mdash;may she never
+know what it is to suffer as I do! But why do I distress you with my
+sorrows?&mdash;"let me tune my harp to lighter lays," as that sweet poet,
+Haynes Bailey, says. We were yesterday at the great ball of Count
+Haegenstroem, the Danish Ambassador here. Papa received a large packet
+of letters of introduction on Monday last, from the Foreign Office. It
+would seem that Lord P. thought pa was a member, for he addressed him as
+M.P.; but the mistake has been so far fortunate, that we are invited on
+Tuesday to dine at Lord Gledworth's, our ambassador here, and we
+have his box for to-night at the Opera,&mdash;not to speak of last night's
+invitation, which came from him. I wore my amber gauze over the satin
+slip, with the "jonquilles" and white roses, two camellias in my hair,
+with mamma's coral chain twined through the roll at the back. Count
+Ambrose de Roncy called me a "rose-cameo," and I believe I <i>did</i> look my
+best. I danced with "Prince Sierra d'Aguila Nero," a Sicilian that ought
+to be King of Sicily, and will, they say, if the King of Naples dies
+without leaving seven sons. What a splendid man, Kitty! not tall, rather
+the reverse; but such eyes, and such a beard, and so perfumed,&mdash;the very
+air around him was like the garden of Attarghul! He spoke very little
+English, and could not bear to talk French; he said the French betrayed
+"<i>la sua carissima patria;</i>" and so, my dear Kitty, I did my best in the
+syllables of the sweet South. <i>He</i>, at least, called my accent "divina,"
+and said that he would come and read Petrarch with me tomorrow.
+Don't let Peter be a fool when he hears this. The Prince is in a very
+different sphere from poor Mary Anne! he always dances with Queen
+Victoria when he's at Windsor, and called our Prince Consort "<i>Il suo
+diletto Alberto</i>;" and, more than all, he's married, but separated from
+the Princess. He told me this himself, and with what terrible emotion,
+Kitty! I thought of Charles Kean in Claude Melnotte, as he spoke in a
+low guttural voice, with his hand on his bosom. It was very dreadful,
+but these temperaments, moulded alike by southern climes and ancient
+descent, are awful in their passionate vehemence. I assure you, it was a
+relief to me when he stopped one of the trays and took a pineapple ice.
+I felt that it was a moment of peril passed in safety. You can form no
+notion, dearest, of the fascination of foreign manners; something there
+is so gently insinuating, so captivating, so bewitching, and withal
+so natural, Kitty,&mdash;that's the very strangest thing of all. There is
+absolutely nothing a foreigner cannot say to you. I almost blush as
+I think of what I now know must have been the veriest commonplace of
+society, but which to my ears, in all their untutored ignorance, sounded
+very odd.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mamma&mdash;and you know her prudery&mdash;is actually in ecstasy with them. The
+Prince said to me last night, "Savez-vous, Mademoiselle! Madame votre
+mère est d'une beauté classique?" and I assure you ma was delighted with
+the compliment when she heard it. Papa is not so tractable: he calls
+them the most atrocious names, and has all the old prejudices about the
+Continent that we see in the old farces. Cary is, however, worse again,
+and thinks their easy elegance, is impertinence, and all the graceful
+charm of their manner nothing but&mdash;her own words&mdash;"egregious vanity."
+Shall I whisper you a bit of a secret? Well, then, Kitty, the reason
+of this repugnance may be that she makes no impression whatever,
+notwithstanding her beauty; and there is no denying that she does not
+possess the gift&mdash;whatever it be&mdash;of fascination. She has, besides, a
+species of antipathy to everything foreign, that she makes no effort
+to disguise. A rather unfortunate acquaintance ma made, on board the
+steam-packet, with a certain Mr. Krauth, who called himself sub-consul
+of somewhere in Holland, but who turned out to be a Jew pedler, has
+given Cary such an opportunity of inveighing against all foreigners that
+she is positively unendurable. This Krauth, I must say, was atrociously
+vulgar, and shockingly ugly; but as he could talk some broken English,
+ma rather liked him, and we had him to tea; after which he took James
+home to his lodgings, to show him some wonderful stuffed birds that he
+was bringing to the Royal Princesses. I have not patience to tell you
+all the narrative; but the end of it was that poor dear James, having
+given all his pocket-money and his silver pencil-case for a tin musical
+snuff-box that won't play Weber's last waltz, except in jerks like a
+hiccough, actually exchanged two dozen of his new shirts for a box of
+Havannah cigars and a cigar-case with a picture of Fanny Elssler on it!
+Papa was in a towering passion when he heard of it, and hastened off to
+K.'s lodgings; but he had already decamped. This unhappy incident threw
+a shade over our last few days at Ostend; for James never came down
+to dine, but sat in his own room smoking the atrocious cigars, and
+contemplating the portrait of the charming Fanny,&mdash;pursuits which, I
+must say, seemed to have conduced to a most melancholy and despondent
+frame of mind.
+</p>
+<p>
+There was another <i>mésaventure</i>, my dearest Kitty. My thanks to that
+sweet language for the word by which I characterize it! A certain Count
+Victor de Lancy, who made acquaintance with us at the <i>table d'hôte</i>,
+and was presuming enough to visit us afterwards, turned out to be a
+common thief! and who, though under the surveillance of the police,
+made away with ma's workbox, and her gold spectacles, putting on pa's
+paletot, and a new plaid belonging to James, as he passed out. It is
+very shocking; but confess, dearest, what a land it must be, where the
+pedlers are insinuating, and the very pickpockets have all the ease and
+breeding of the best society. I assure you that I could not credit the
+guilt of M. de L., until the Brigadier came yesterday to inquire about
+our losses, and take what he called his <i>signalement</i>. I thought, for
+a moment or two, that he had made a mistake, Kitty, and was come for
+<i>mine</i>; for he looked into my eyes in such a way, and spoke so softly,
+that I began to blush; and mamma, always on the watch, bridled up, and
+said, "Mary Anne!" in that voice you must so well remember; and so it
+is, my dear friend, the thief and the constable, and I have no doubt,
+too, the judge, the jury, and the jailer, are all on the same beat!
+</p>
+<p>
+I have just been called away to see such a love of a rose tunic, all
+<i>glacé</i>, to be worn over a dull slate-colored jupe, looped up at one
+side with white camellias and lilies of the valley. Think of me, Kitty,
+with my hair drawn back and slightly powdered, red heels to my shoes,
+and a great fan hanging to my side, like grave Aunt Susan In the
+picture, wanting nothing but the love-sick swain that plays the
+flageolet at her feet!&mdash;Madame Adèle, the modiste, says, "not long to
+wait for a dozen such,"&mdash;and this not for a fancy ball, dearest, but for
+a simple evening party,&mdash;a "dance-able tea," as papa will call it. I
+vow to you, Kitty, that it greatly detracts from the pictorial effect
+of this taste, to see how obstinately men will adhere to their present
+ungainly and ungraceful style of dress,&mdash;that shocking solecism in
+costume, a narrow-tailed coat, and those more fearful outrages on shape
+and symmetry for which no name has been invented in any language. Now,
+the levelling effect of this black-coat system is terrific; and there is
+no distinguishing a man of real rank from his tailor,&mdash;amongst English
+at least, for the crosses and decorations so frequent with foreigners
+are unknown to us. Talking of these, Kitty, the Prince of Aguila Nero is
+splendid. He wears nearly every bird and beast that Noah had in the
+ark, and a few others quite unknown to antediluvial zoology. These
+distinctions are sad reflections on the want of a chivalric feeling in
+our country; and when we think of the heroic actions, the doughty deeds,
+and high achievements of these Paladins, we are forced to blush for the
+spirit that condemns us to be a nation of shopkeepers.
+</p>
+
+
+<br />
+<center>
+<img alt="050 (84K)" src="images/050.jpg" height="574" width="740" />
+</center>
+<br />
+
+
+<p>
+How I run on, dearest, from one topic to another! just as to my mind
+is presented the delightful succession of objects about me,&mdash;objects of
+whose very existence I did not know till now! And then to think of what
+a life of obscurity and darkness we were condemned to, at home!&mdash;our
+neighborhood, a priest, a miller, and those odious Davises; our
+gayeties, a detestable dinner at the Grange; our theatricals, "The
+Castle Spectre," performed in the coach-house; and instead of those
+gorgeous and splendid ceremonials of our Church, so impressive, so
+soul-subduing, Kitty, the little dirty chapel at Bruff, with Larry
+Behan, the lame sacristan, hobbling about and thrashing the urchins
+with the handle of the extinguisher! his muttered "If I was near yeez!"
+breaking in on the "Oremus, Domine." Shall I own it, Kitty, there is a
+dreadful vulgarity about our dear little circle of Dodsborough; and "one
+demoralizes," as the French say, by the incessant appeal of low and too
+familiar associations.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have been again called away to interpret for papa, with the police.
+That graceless little wretch, Paddy Byrne, who was left behind by the
+train at Malines, went to eat his dinner at one of the small restaurants
+in the town, called the "Cheval Pie," and not finding the food to his
+satisfaction, got into some kind of an altercation with the waiter, when
+the name of the hostel coming up in the dispute, suggested to Paddy
+the horrid thought that it was the "Horse Pie-house" he had chanced
+upon,&mdash;an idea so revolting to his culinary prejudices that he smashed
+and broke everything before him, and was only subdued at last by a
+corporal's party of the gendarmerie, who handcuffed and conveyed him to
+Brussels; and here he is, now, crying and calling himself a "poor boy
+that was dragged from home," and, in fact, trying to persuade himself
+and all around him that he has been sold into slavery by a cruel
+master. Betty Cobb, too, has just joined the chorus, and is eloquently
+interweaving a little episode of Irish wrongs and sorrows into the
+tissue of Paddy's woes!
+</p>
+<p>
+Betty is worse than him. There is nothing good enough for her to eat; no
+bed to sleep upon; she even finds the Belgians deficient in cleanliness.
+This, after Bruff, is a little too bad; mamma, however, stands by her in
+everything, and in the end she will become intolerable. James intends
+to send a few lines to your brother Robert; but if he should fail&mdash;not
+improbable, as writing, with him, combines the double difficulties of
+orthography and manuscript&mdash;pray remember us kindly to him, and believe
+me ever, my dearest Kitty,
+</p>
+<p>
+Your heart-devoted
+</p>
+<p>
+Mart Anne Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+P. S. must not think of writing; but you may tell him that I'm
+unchanged, unchangeable. The cold maxims of worldly prudence, the sordid
+calculations of worldly interests affect me not. As Metastasio says,&mdash;
+</p>
+<pre>
+     "O, se ragione intende Subito amor, non è."
+</pre>
+<p>
+I know it,&mdash;I feel it. There is what Balzac calls <i>une perversité
+divine</i> in true affection, that teaches one to brave father and
+mother and brother, and this glorious sentiment is the cradle of true
+martyrdom. May my heart cherish this noble grief, and never forget that
+if there is no struggle, there is no victory!
+</p>
+<p>
+Do you remember Captain Morris, of the 25th, the little dark officer
+that came down to Bruff, after the burning of the Sheas? I saw him
+yesterday; but, Kitty, how differently he looked here in his <i>passé</i>
+blue frock, from his air in "our village!" He wanted to bow, but I
+cut him dead. "No," thought I, "times are changed, and we with them!"
+Caroline, who was walking behind me with James, however, not only
+saluted, but spoke to him. He said, "I see your sister forgets me; but
+I know how altered ill-health has made me. I am going to leave the
+service." He asked where we were stopping,&mdash;a most unnecessary piece
+of attention; for after the altercation he had with pa on the Bench at
+Bruff, I think common delicacy might keep him from seeking us out.
+</p>
+<p>
+Try and persuade your papa to take you abroad, Kitty, if only for a
+summer ramble; believe me, there is no other refining process like it.
+If you only saw James already&mdash;you remember what a sloven he was&mdash;you'd
+not know him; his hair so nicely divided and perfumed; his gloves so
+accurately fitting; his boots perfection in shape and polish; and all
+the dearest little trinkets in the world&mdash;pistols and steam-carriages,
+death's-heads, ships and serpents&mdash;hanging from his watch-chain; and as
+for the top of his cane, Kitty, it is paved with turquoise, and has
+a great opal in the middle. Where, how, and when he got all this
+"elegance," I can't even guess, and I see it must be a secret, for
+neither pa nor ma have ever yet seen him <i>en gala</i>. I wish your brother
+Robert was with him. It would be such an advantage to him. I am certain
+Trinity College is all that you say of it; but confess, Kitty, Dublin is
+terribly behind the world in all that regards civilization and "ton."
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0008"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER IV. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQUIRE TRINITY COLLEGE, DUBLIN
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    HÔTEL DE BELLEVUE, BRUSSELS.
+</h3>
+<p>
+Dear Bob,&mdash;Here we are, living another kind of life from our old
+existence at Dodsborough! We have capital quarters at the "Bellevue,"&mdash;a
+fine hotel, excellent dinners, and, what I think not inferior to either,
+a most obliging Jew money-changer hard by, who advances "moderate loans
+to respectable parties, on personal security,"&mdash;a process in which I
+have already made some proficiency, and with considerable advantage to
+my outward man. The tailors are first-rate, and rig you out with gloves,
+boots, hat, even to your cane,&mdash;they forget nothing. The hairdressers
+are also incomparable. I thought, at first, that capillary attraction
+was beyond <i>me</i>; but, to my agreeable surprise, I discover that I boast
+a very imposing <i>chevelure</i>, and a bright promise of moustache which, as
+yet, is only faintly depicted by a dusky line on my upper lip.
+</p>
+<p>
+It's all nonsense to undervalue dress: I'm no more the same man in my
+dark-green paletot, trimmed with Astracan, that I was a month ago in my
+fustian shooting-jacket, than a well-plumed eagle is like a half-moulted
+turkey. There is an inseparable connection between your coat and your
+character; and few things so react on the morality of a man as the cut
+of his trousers. Nothing more certainly tells me this than the feeling
+with which I enter any public place now, compared to what I experienced
+a few weeks back. It was then half shame, half swagger,&mdash;a conflict
+between modesty and defiance. Now, it is the easy assurance of being
+"all right,"&mdash;the conviction that my hat, my frock, my cravat, my
+vest, can stand the most critical examination; and that if any one be
+impertinent enough to indulge in the inquiry through his eye-glass, I
+have the equal privilege to return stare for stare, with, mayhap, an
+initiatory sneer into the bargain. By the way, the habit of looking
+unutterably fierce seems to be the first lesson abroad. The passport
+people, as you land, the officers of the Customs, the landlord of your
+inn, the waiters, the railroad clerks, all "get up" a general air of
+sovereign contempt for everybody and everything, rather puzzling at
+first, but quite reassuring when you are trained to reciprocity. For the
+time, I rather flatter myself to have learned the dodge well; not but,
+I must confess to you, Bob, that my education is prosecuted under
+difficulties. During the whole of the morning I 'm either with the
+governor or my mother, sight-seeing and house-hunting,&mdash;now seeking
+out a Rubens, now making an excursion into the market, and making
+exploratory researches into the prices of fish, fowl, and vegetables;
+cheapening articles that we don't intend to buy,&mdash;a process my mother
+looks upon as a moral exercise; and climbing up "two-pair," to see
+lodgings we have no intention to take: all because, as she says, "we
+ought to know everything;" and really the spirit of inquiry that moves
+her will have its reward,&mdash;not always, perhaps, without some drawbacks,
+as witness what happened to us on Tuesday. In our rambles along the
+Boulevard de Waterloo, we saw a smart-looking house, with an <i>affiche</i>
+over the door, "A louer;" and, of course, mother and Mary Anne at once
+stopped the carriage for an exploration. In we went, asked for the
+proprietor, and saw a small, rosy-cheeked little man, with a big wig,
+and a very inquiet, restless look in his eyes. "Could we see the house?
+Was it furnished?" "Yes," to both questions. "Were there stables?"
+"Capital room for four horses; good water,&mdash;two kinds, and both
+excellent." Upstairs we toiled, through one <i>salon</i> into another,&mdash;now
+losing ourselves in dark passages, now coming abruptly to unlock-able
+doors,&mdash;everlastingly coming back to the spot we had just left, and
+conceiving the grandest notions of the number of rooms, from the manner
+of our own perambulations. Of course you know the invariable incidents
+of this tiresome process, where the owner is always trying to open
+impracticable windows, and the visitors will rush into inscrutable
+places, in despite of all advice and admonition. Our voyage of discovery
+was like all preceding ones; and we looked down well-staircases and up
+into skylights,&mdash;snuffed for possible smells, and suggested imaginary
+smoke, in every room we saw. While we were thus busily criticising
+the domicile, its owner, it would seem, was as actively engaged in an
+examination of <i>us</i>, and apparently with a less satisfactory result, for
+he broke in upon one of our consultations by a friendly "No, no, ladies;
+it won't do,&mdash;it won't do at all. This house would never suit;"
+and while my mother stared, and Mary Anne opened wide her eyes in
+astonishment, he went on: "We 're only losing time, ladies; both your
+time and mine will be wasted. This is not the house for <i>you</i>." "I beg
+to observe, sir, that I think it is," interposed my mother, who, with
+a very womanly feeling, took a prodigious fancy to the place the moment
+she discovered there was a difficulty about it. The owner, however,
+was to the full as decided; and in fact hurried us out of the rooms,
+downstairs, and into the street, with a degree of haste savoring far
+more of impatience than politeness. I rather was disposed to laugh
+at the little man's energetic rejection of us; but my mother's rage
+rendered any "mirthful demonstration inopportune," as the French would
+say; and so I only exchanged glances with Mary Anne, while our eloquent
+parent abused the "little wretch" to her heart's content. Although the
+circumstance was amply discussed by us that evening, we had well-nigh
+forgotten it in the morning, when, to our astonishment, our little
+friend of the Boulevard sent in his name, "Mr. Cherry," with a request
+to see papa. My mother was for seeing him herself; but this amendment
+was rejected, and the original motion carried.
+</p>
+<p>
+After about five minutes' interview, we were alarmed by a sudden noise
+and violent cries; and on rushing from the drawing-room, I just caught
+sight of Mr. Cherry making a flying leap down the first half of the
+staircase, while my father's uplifted foot stood forth to evidence what
+had proved the "vis à tergo." His performance of the next flight was
+less artistic, for he rolled from top to bottom, when, by an almost
+preternatural effort, he made his escape into the street. The governor's
+passion made all inquiries perilous for some minutes; in fact, this
+attempt to make "Cherry-bounce," as Cary called it, seemed to have got
+into his head, for he stormed like a madman. At last the <i>causa belli</i>
+came out to be, that this unhappy Mr. Cherry had come with an apology
+for his strange conduct the day before,&mdash;by what think you? By his
+having mistaken my mother and sister for what slang people call "a case
+of perhaps,"&mdash;a blunder which certainly was not to be remedied by
+the avowal of it. So at least thought my father, for he cut short the
+apology and the explanation at once, ejecting Mr. Cherry by a more
+summary process than is recognized in the law-courts.
+</p>
+<p>
+My mother had hardly dried up her tears in crying, and I mine in
+laughing over this strange incident, when there came an emissary of the
+gendarmerie to arrest the governor for a violent assault, with intent,
+&amp;c. &amp;c, and it is only by the intervention of our Minister here that
+bail has been accepted; my father being bound to appear before the
+"Court of Correctional Police" on Monday next. If we remain much longer
+here, we are likely to learn something of the laws, at least in a way
+which people assure you is always most indelible,&mdash;practically. If we
+continue as we have commenced, a little management on the part of the
+lawyers, and a natural desire on the part of my father to obtain
+justice, may prolong our legal affairs far into the spring; so that we
+may possibly not leave this for some months to come, which, with the aid
+of my friend, Lazarus Simrock, may be made pleasurable and profitable.
+</p>
+<a name="image-0001"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/058.jpg" height="711" width="723"
+alt="058
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+It's all very well to talk about "learning French, seeing galleries and
+studying works of art," my dear Bob, but where's the time?&mdash;that's the
+question. My mother and the girls poach my entire morning. It's the
+rarest thing in the world for me to get free of them before five
+o'clock; and then I have just time to dash down to the club, and have a
+"shy" at the écarté before dinner. Smart play it is, sometimes seventy,
+ay, a hundred Naps, on a game; and such players too!&mdash;fellows that sit
+for ten minutes with a card on their knee, studying your face,
+watching every line and lineament of your features, and reading you,
+by Jove,&mdash;reading you like a book. All the false air of ease and
+indifference, all the brag assurance you may get up to conceal a "bad
+hand," isn't worth sixpence. They laugh at your puerile efforts, and
+tell you "you are voled" before you've played a card. We hear so much
+about genius and talent, and all that kind of thing at home, and you,
+I have no doubt, are full of the high abilities of some fellowship
+or medallist man of Trinity; but give <i>me</i> the deep penetration, the
+intense powers of calculation, the thorough insight into human nature,
+of some of the fellows I see here; and for success in life, I 'll back
+them against all your conic section and x plus y geniuses, and all the
+double first classes that ever breathed. There's a splendid fellow here,
+a Pole, called Koratinsky; he commanded the cavalry at Ostrolenca,
+and, it is said, rode down the Russian Guard, and sabred the Imperial
+Cuirassiers to a man. He's the first écarté and piquet player in Europe,
+and equal to Deschapelles at whist. Though he is very distant and cold
+in his manner to strangers, he has been most kind and good-natured to
+me; has given me some capital advice, too, and warned me against several
+of the fellows that frequent the club. He tells me that he detests and
+abhors play, but resorts to it as a distraction. "Que voulez-vous?"
+said he to me the other day; "when a man who calls himself Ladislaus
+Koratinsky, who has the blood of three monarchs in his veins, who has
+twice touched the crown of his native land, sees himself an exile and a
+'proscrit,' it is only in the momentary excitement of the gaming-table
+he can find a passing relief for crushing and withering recollections."
+He could be in all the highest circles here. The greatest among the
+nobles are constantly begging and entreating him to come to their
+houses, but he sternly refuses. "Let me know one family," says he, "one
+domestic circle, where I can go uninvited, when I will,&mdash;where I can
+repose my confidence, tell my sorrows, and speak of my poor country;
+give me one such, and I ask for no more; but as for dukes and grand
+seigneurs, princesses and duchesses, I've had but too much of them." I
+assure you, Bob, it 's like a page out of some old story of chivalry to
+listen to him. The splendid sentiments, the glorious conceptions, and
+the great plans he has for the regeneration of Europe; and how he abhors
+the Emperor of Russia! "It's a 'duel à mort entre Nicholas et moi,'"
+said he to me yesterday.
+</p>
+<p>
+"The terms of the conflict were signed on the field of Ostrolenca; for
+the present the victory is his, but there is a time coming!" I have been
+trying all manner of schemes to have him invited to dine with us. Mother
+and Mary Anne are with me, heart and hand; but the governor's late
+mischances have soured him against all foreigners, and I must bide my
+time. I feel, however, when my father sees him, he'll be delighted with
+him; and then he could be invaluable to us in the way of introductions,
+for he knows every crowned head and prince on the Continent.
+</p>
+<p>
+After dinner, pretending to take an evening lesson in French, I'm off to
+the Opera. I belong to an omnibus-box,&mdash;all the fast fellows here,&mdash;such
+splendid dressers, Bob, and each coming in his brougham. I'm deucedly
+ashamed that I've nothing but a cabriolet, which I hire from my friend
+Lazarus at twelve pounds a month. They quiz me tremendously about my
+"rococo" taste in equipage, but I turn off the joke by telling them that
+I'm expecting my cattle and my "traps" from London next week. Lazarus
+promises me that I shall have a splendid "Malibran" from Hobson, and two
+grays over by the Antwerp packet, if I give him a bill for the price, at
+three months; and that he'll keep them for me at his stables till I
+'m quite ready to pay. Stickler, the other job-master here, wanted the
+governor's name on the bills, and behaved like a scoundrel, threatening
+to tell my father all about it It cost me a "ten-pounder" to stop him.
+</p>
+<p>
+After the theatre we adjourn to Dubos's to supper, and I can give you
+no idea, Bob, of what a thing that supper is! I remember when we used
+to fancy it was rather a grand affair to finish our evening at Jude's or
+Hayes's with a vulgar set-out of mutton-chops, spatchcocks, and devilled
+kidneys, washed down with* that filthy potation called punch. I shudder
+at the vile abomination of the whole when I think of our delicate
+lobster en mayonnaise^ or crouton aux truffes, red partridges in Rhine
+wine, and maraschino jelly, with Moët frappé to perfection. We generally
+invite some of the "corps," who abound in conversational ability, and
+are full of the pleasant gossip of the stage. There is Mademoiselle
+Léonine, too, in the ballet, the loveliest creature ever was seen. They
+say Count Maerlens, aide-de-camp of the King, is privately married
+to her, but that she won't leave the boards till she has saved a
+million,&mdash;but whether of francs or pounds, I don't remember.
+</p>
+<p>
+When our supper is concluded, it is generally about four o'clock, and
+then we go to D'Arlaen's rooms, where we play chicken-hazard till our
+various houses are accessible.
+</p>
+<p>
+I 'm not much up to this as yet; my forte is écarté, at which I am the
+terror of these fellows; and when the races come on next month, I
+think my knowledge of horseflesh will teach them a thing or two. I have
+already a third share in a splendid horse called Number Nip, bred out
+of Barnabas by a Middleton mare; he's engaged for the Lacken Cup and
+the Salle Sweepstakes, and I 'm backing him even against the field for
+everything I can get. If you 'd like to net a fifty without risk, say so
+before the tenth, and I 'll do it for you.
+</p>
+<p>
+So that you see, Bob, without De Porquet's Grammar and "Ollendorff's
+Method," my time is tolerably full. In fact, if the day had forty-eight
+hours, I have something to fill every one of them.
+</p>
+<p>
+There would be nothing but pleasure in this life, but for certain
+drawbacks, the worst of which is that I am not alone here. You have no
+idea, Bob, to what subterfuges I 'm reduced, to keep my family out
+of sight of my grand acquaintances. Sometimes I call the governor my
+guardian; sometimes an uncle, so rich that I am forced to put up with
+all his whims and caprices. Egad! it went so far, f other day, that I
+had to listen to a quizzing account of my aunt's costume at a concert,
+and hear my mother shown up as a <i>précieuse ridicule</i> of the first
+water. There's no keeping them out of public places, too; and how they
+know of all the various processions, Te Deums, and the like I cannot
+even guess. My own metamorphosis is so complete that I have cut them
+twice dead, in the Park; and no later than last night, I nearly ran over
+my father in the Allée Verte with my tandem leader, and heard the whole
+story this morning at breakfast, with the comforting assurance that "he
+'d know the puppy again, and will break every bone in his body if he
+catches him." In consequence of which threat, I have given orders for a
+new beard and moustache of the Royal Albert hue, instead of black, which
+I have worn heretofore. I must own, though, it is rather a bore to
+stand quietly by and see fellows larking your sister; but Mary Anne is
+perfectly incorrigible, notwithstanding all I have said to her. Cary's
+safety lies in hating the Continent and all foreigners, and that is just
+as absurd.
+</p>
+<p>
+The governor, it seems, is perpetually writing to Vickars, our member,
+about something for <i>me</i>. Now, I sincerely hope that he may not succeed;
+for I own to you that I do not anticipate as much pleasure and amusement
+from either a "snug berth in the Customs" or a colonial situation; and
+after all, Bob, why should I be reduced to accept of either? Our estate
+is a good one, and if a little encumbered or so, why, we 're not worse
+off than our neighbors. If I must do something, I 'd rather go into a
+Light Cavalry Regiment&mdash;such as the Eleventh, or the Seventeenth&mdash;than
+anything else. I say this to you, because your uncle Purcell is bent on
+his own plans for me, which would be nothing short of utter degradation;
+and if there's anything low-bred and vulgar on earth, it's what they
+call a "Profession." You know the old adage about leading a horse to the
+water; now I frankly declare to you that twenty shall not make me drink
+any of the springs of this knowledge, whether Law, Medicine, or Divinity
+lie at the bottom of the well.
+</p>
+<p>
+It does not require any great tact or foresight to perceive that not
+a man of my "set" would ever know me again under such circumstances.
+I have heard their opinions often enough on these matters not to be
+mistaken; and whatever we may think in Ireland about our doctors and
+barristers, they are what Yankees call "mighty small potatoes" abroad.
+</p>
+<p>
+Lord George Tiverton said to me last night, "Why doesn't your governor
+put you into 'the House'? You'd make a devilish good figure there." And
+the notion has never left me since. Lord George himself is Member for
+Hornby, but he never attends the sittings, and only goes into Parliament
+as a means of getting leave from his regiment. They say he's the
+"fastest" fellow in the service; he has already run through seventeen
+thousand a year, and one hundred and twenty thousand of his wife's
+fortune. They are separated now, and he has something like twelve
+hundred a year to live on; just enough for cigars and brandy and water,
+he calls it. He's the best-tempered fellow I ever saw, and laughs and
+jokes about his own misfortunes as freely as possible. He knows the
+world&mdash;and he's not yet five-and-twenty&mdash;perhaps better than any man
+I ever saw. There is not a bill-discounter, not a betting-man, nor a
+ballet-dancer, he is not acquainted with; and such amusing stories as he
+tells of his London life and experiences. When he found that he had run
+through everything&mdash;when all his horses were seized at Ascot, and his
+house taken in execution in London, he gave a splendid <i>fête</i> at Hornby,
+and invited upwards of sixty people down there, and half the county to
+meet them. "I resolved," said he, "on a grand finish; and I assure you
+that the company did not enjoy themselves the less heartily because
+every second fellow in my livery was a sheriff's officer, and that
+all the forks and spoons on the table were under seizure. There was
+a 'caption,' as they term it, on everything, down to the footmen's
+bag-wigs and knee-buckles. We went to supper at two o'clock; and I took
+in the Duchess of Allington, who assuredly never suspected that there
+was such a close alliance between my drawing-room and the Queen's Bench.
+The supper was exquisite; poor Marriton had exhausted himself in the
+devices of his art, and most ingeniously intimated his appreciation
+of my situation by a plate of ortolans <i>en salmi, sautés à la
+Fonblanque</i>,&mdash;a delicate allusion to the Bankrupt Commissioner. I nearly
+finished the dish myself, drank off half a bottle of champagne, took out
+Lady Emily de Maulin for the cotillon, and then, slipping away, threw
+myself into a post-chaise, arrived at Dover for the morning mail-packet,
+and landed at Boulogne free as William Tell, or that eagle which he
+is so enthusiastic in describing as a most remarkable instance of
+constitutional liberty." These are his own words, Bob; but without you
+saw his manner, and heard his voice, you could form no notion whatever
+of the careless, happy self-satisfaction of one who calls himself
+irretrievably ruined.
+</p>
+<p>
+From all that I have been jotting down, you may fancy the set I am
+moving in, and the class with whom I associate. Then there is a German
+Graf von Blumenkohl, and a Russian Prince Kubitzkoy, two tremendous
+swells; a young French Marquis de Tregues, whose mother was
+granddaughter, I believe, of Madame du Barri, and a large margin of
+inferior dons, Spanish, Italian, and Belgian. That your friend Jemmy
+Dodd should be a star, even a little one, in such a galaxy, is no small
+boast; and such, my dear Bob, I am bound to feel it. Each of these
+fellows has a princely fortune, as well as a princely name, and it is
+not without many a clever dodge and cunning artifice that, weighted as I
+am, I can keep pace with them. I hope you'll succeed, with all my heart,
+for the scholarship or fellowship. Which is it? Don't blame me for the
+blunder, for I have never, all my life through, been able to distinguish
+between certain things which I suppose other persons find no resemblance
+in. Thus I never knew exactly whether the word "people" was spelled "eo"
+or "oe." I never knew the Derby from the Oaks, nor shall I ever, I'm
+certain, be able to separate in my mind Moore O'Ferral from Carew
+O'Dwyer, though I am confidently informed there is not a particle of
+similarity in the individuals, any more than in the names.
+</p>
+<p>
+Write to me when your match is over,&mdash;I mean your examination,&mdash;and say
+where you 're placed. I 'll take you against the field, at the current
+odds, in "fives."
+</p>
+<p>
+And believe me, ever your attached friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+J. Dodd.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0009"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER V. KENNY DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ.
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    HÔTEL DE BELLEVUE, BRUSSELS.
+</h3>
+<p>
+Dear Tom,&mdash;Yours did not reach me till yesterday, owing to some
+confusion at the Post-office. There is another Dodd here, who has been
+receiving <i>my</i> letters, and I <i>his</i>, for the last week; and I conclude
+that each of us has learned more than was quite necessary of the other's
+affairs; for while <i>he</i> was reading of all the moneyed distresses
+and embarrassments of your humble servant, <i>I</i> opened a letter dated
+Doctors' Commons, beginning, "Dear sir, we have at last obtained the
+most satisfactory proofs against Mrs. Dodd, and have no hesitation in
+now submitting the case to a jury." We met yesterday, and exchanged
+credentials, with an expression of face that I'm sure "Phiz" would have
+given a five-pound note to look at. Peachem and Lockit were nothing to
+it. We agreed that either of us ought to leave this, to prevent similar
+mistakes in future, although, in my heart, I believe that we now know so
+much of each other's affairs, that we might depute one of us to conduct
+both correspondences. In consequence, we tossed up who was to go. <i>He</i>
+won; so that we take our departure on Wednesday next, if I can settle
+matters in the mean while. I 'm told Bonn, on the Rhine, is a cheap
+place, and good for education,&mdash;a great matter as regards James,&mdash;so
+that you may direct your next to me there. To tell you the truth, Tom,
+I'm scarcely sorry to get away, although the process will be anything
+but a cheap one. First of all, we have taken the rooms for three months,
+and hired a job-coach for the same time. Moving is also an expensive
+business, and not over-agreeable at this season; but against these
+there is the setoff that Mrs. D. and the girls are going to the devil in
+expense for dress. From breakfast-time till three or four o'clock
+every day, the house is like a fair with milliners, male and female,
+hairdressers, perfumers, shoemakers, and trinket-men. I thought we'd
+done with all this when we left London; but it seems that everything we
+bought there is perfectly useless, and Mrs. D. comes sailing in every
+now and then, to make me laugh, as she says, at a bit of English taste
+by showing me where her waist is too short, or her sleeves too long; and
+Mary Anne comes down to breakfast in a great stiff watered silk, which
+for economy she has converted into a house-dress. Caroline, I must say,
+has not followed the lead, and is quite satisfied to be dressed as
+she used to be. James I see little of, for he 's working hard at the
+languages, and, from what the girls say, with great success. Of course,
+this is all for the best; but it's little use French or even Chinese
+would be to him in the Customs or the Board of Trade, and it's there I'm
+trying to get him. Vickars told me last week that his name is down on
+no less than four lists, and it will be bad luck but we 'll bit upon
+something. Between ourselves, I'm not over-pleased with Vickars.
+Whenever I write to him about James, his reply is always what he's doing
+about the poor laws, or the Jews, or the grant to Maynooth; so that I
+had to tell him, at last, that I 'd rather hear that my son was in the
+Revenue, than that every patriarch in Palestine was in Parliament, or
+every papist in Ireland eating venison and guinea-hens. Patriotism is
+a fine thing, if you have a fine fortune, and some men we could mention
+have n't made badly out of it, without a sixpence; but for one like
+myself, the wrong side of fifty, with an encumbered estate, and no
+talents for agitation, it's as expensive as horse-racing, or yachting,
+or any other diversion of the kind. So there's no chance of a tenant
+for Dodsborough! You ought to put it in the English papers, with a
+puff about the shooting and the trout-fishing, and the excellent
+neighborhood, and all that kind of thing. There 's not a doubt but it's
+too good for any Manchester blackguard of them all! What you say about
+Tully Brack is quite true. The encumbrances are over eleven thousand;
+and if we bought in the estate at three or four, there would be so much
+gain to us. The "Times" little knew the good it was doing us when it
+was blackguarding the Irish landlords, and depreciating Irish property.
+There's many a one has been able to buy in his own land for one-fifth of
+the mortgages on it; and if this is n't repudiation, it's not so far off
+Pennsylvania, after all.
+</p>
+<p>
+I don't quite approve of your plan for Ballyslevin. Whenever a property
+'s in Chancery, the best thing is to let it go to ruin entirely. The
+worse the land is, the more miserable the tenants, the cheaper will be
+the terms you 'll get it on; and if the boys shoot a receiver once or
+twice, no great harm. As for the Government, I don't think they 'll
+do anything for Ireland except set us by the ears about education and
+church matters; and we 're getting almost tired of quarrelling, Tom; for
+so it is, the very best of dispositions may be imposed on too far!
+</p>
+<p>
+Now, as to "education," how many amongst those who insist on a
+particular course for the poor, ever thought of stipulating for the
+same for their own children? or do they think that the Bible is only
+necessary for such as have not an independent fortune? And as to
+Maynooth, is there any man such a fool as to believe that £30,000 a
+year would make the priests loyal? You gave the money well knowing what
+for,&mdash;to teach Catholic theology, not to instil the oath of allegiance.
+To expect more would be like asking a market-gardener to raise
+strawberries with fresh cream round them! The truth is, they don't wish
+to advance our interests in England. They 're afraid of us, Tom. If we
+ever were to take a national turn, like the Scotch, for instance, we
+might prove very dangerous rivals to them in many ways. I 'm sick of
+politics; not, indeed, that I know too much of what's doing, for the
+last "Times" I saw was cut up into a new pattern for a polka, and they
+only kept me the supplement, which, as you know, is more varied than
+amusing. In reply to your question as to how I like this kind of life, I
+own to you that it does n't quite suit me. Maybe I 'm too old in years,
+maybe too old in my notions, but it does n't do, Tom. There is an
+everlasting bowing and scraping and introducing,&mdash;a perpetual prelude
+to acquaintanceship that never seems to begin. It appears to me like an
+orchestra that never got further than the tuning of the instruments!
+I 'm sure that, at the least, I 've exchanged bows and grins and leers
+with fifty gentlemen here, whom <i>I</i> should n't know to-morrow, nor
+do <i>they</i> care whether I did or no. Their intercourse is like their
+cookery, and you are always asking, "Is there nothing substantial
+coming?" Then they 're frivolous, Tom. I don't mean that they are fond
+of pleasure, and given up to amusement, but that their very pleasures
+and amusements are contemptible in themselves. No such thing as
+field-sports; at least, nothing deserving the name; no manly pastimes,
+no bodily exercises; and lastly, they all, even the oldest of them,
+think that they ought to make love to your wife and daughters, just as
+you hand a lady a chair or a cup of tea in our country,&mdash;a mere matter
+of course. I need not tell you that my observations on men and manners
+are necessarily limited by my ignorance of the language; but I have
+acquired the deaf man's privilege, and if I hear the less, I see the
+more.
+</p>
+<p>
+I begin to think, my dear Tom, that we all make a great mistake in this
+taste we've got into for foreign travel, foreign languages, and foreign
+accomplishments. We rear up our families with notions and habits quite
+inapplicable to home purposes; and we are like the Parisian shopkeepers,
+that have nothing on sale but articles of luxury; and, after all, we
+have n't a genius for this trifling, and we make very ungraceful idlers
+in the end. To train a man for the Continent, you must begin early;
+teach him French when a child; let him learn dominoes at four, and to
+smoke cigars at six, wear lacquered boots at eight, and put his hair
+in paper at nine; eat sugar-plums for dinner, and barley-water for tea;
+make him a steady shot with the pistol, and a cool hand with the rapier;
+and there he is finished and fit for the Boulevard,&mdash;a nice man for the
+<i>salons</i>.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is cheap, there is no doubt; but it costs a great deal of money to
+come at the economy. You 'll perhaps say that's my own fault. Maybe it
+is. We 'll talk of it more another time.
+</p>
+<p>
+I ought to confess that Mrs. D. is delighted with everything; she vows
+that she is only beginning to live; and to hear her talk, you 'd think
+that Dodsborough was one of the new model penitentiaries. Mary Anne's
+her own daughter, and she raves about princes and dukes and counts, all
+day long. What they 'll say when I tell them that we 're to be off on
+Wednesday next, I can't imagine. I intend to dine out that evening, for
+I know there will be no standing the row!
+</p>
+<p>
+The Ambassador has been mighty polite and attentive: we dined there last
+week. A grand dinner, and fine company; but, talking French, and nothing
+but French, all the time, Mrs. D. and your humble servant were rather
+at a nonplus. Then we had his box at the opera, where, I must say, Tom,
+anything to equal the dancing I never saw,&mdash;indecency is no name for it.
+Not but Mrs. D. and Mary Anne are of a contrary opinion, and tauntingly
+ask me if I prefer a "Tatter Jack Walsh," at the cross-roads, to
+Taglioni. As for the singing, it's screeching,&mdash;that's the word for it,
+screeching. The composer is one Verdi,&mdash;a fellow, they tell me, that
+cracks every voice in Europe; and I can believe it. The young woman that
+played the first part grew purple in the face, and strained till
+her neck looked like a half-unravelled cable; her mouth was dragged
+sideways; and it was only when I thought she was off in strong
+convulsions that the audience began to applaud. There's no saying what
+their enthusiasm might not have been had she burst a blood-vessel.
+</p>
+<p>
+I intended to have despatched this by to-day's post, but it is Saint
+Somebody's day, and the office closes at two o'clock, so that I 'll have
+to keep it over, perhaps till Saturday, for to-morrow, I find, we 're to
+go to Waterloo, to see the field of battle. There's a prince&mdash;whose name
+I forget, and, indeed, I could n't spell, if I remembered it&mdash;going to
+be our "Cicerone." I 'm not sure if he says he was there at the battle;
+but Mrs. D. believes him as she would the Duke of Wellington. Then
+there's a German count, whose father did something wonderful, and two
+Belgian barons, whose ancestors, I 've no doubt, sustained the national
+reputation for speed. The season is hardly suitable for such an
+excursion; but even a day in the country&mdash;a few hours in the fields and
+the free air&mdash;will be a great enjoyment James is going to bring a Polish
+friend of his,&mdash;a great Don he calls him,&mdash;but I 'm so overlaid with
+nobility, the Khan of Tartary would not surprise me now. I 'll keep this
+open to add a few lines, and only say good-bye for the present.
+</p>
+<p>
+Saturday.
+</p>
+<p>
+Waterloo's a humbug, Tom. I don't mean to say that Bony found it so some
+thirty-odd years back, but such it now appears. I assure you they 've
+cut away half the field to commemorate the battle,&mdash;a process mighty
+like slicing off a man's nose to establish his identity. The result is
+that you might as well stand upon Hounslow Heath or Salisbury Plain, and
+listen to a narrative of the action, as visit Waterloo for the sake of
+the localities. La Haye Sainte and Hougoumont stand, certainly, in the
+old places, but the deep gorge beside the one, and the ridge from whence
+the cannonade shattered the other, are totally obliterated. The guides
+tell you, indeed, where Vivian's brigade stood, where Picton charged and
+fell, where Ney's column halted, faltered, and broke; they speak of the
+ridge behind which the guard lay in long expectancy; they describe to
+you the undulating swell over which our line advanced, cheering madly:
+but it's like listening to a description of Killarney in a fog, and
+being informed that Turk Mountain is yonder, and that the waterfall is
+down a glen to your right. One thing is clear, Tom, however,&mdash;we beat
+the French; and when I say "We," I mean what I say. England knows, and
+all Europe knows, who won the battle, and more's the disgrace for
+the way we 're treated. But, after all, it's our own fault in a great
+measure, Tom; we take everything that comes from Parliament as a boon
+and a favor, little guessing often how it will turn out. Our conduct in
+this respect reminds me of poor Jack Whalley's wife. You remember Jack,
+that was postboy at the Clanbrazil Arms. Well, his wife one day chanced
+to find an elegant piece of white leather on the road, and she brought
+it home with her in great delight, to mend Jack's small clothes, which
+she did very neatly. Jack set off the next day, little suspecting what
+was in store for him; but when he trotted about five miles,&mdash;it was in
+the month of July,&mdash;he began to feel mighty uneasy in the saddle,&mdash;a
+feeling that continued to increase at every moment, till at last, as he
+said, "It was like taking a canter on a beehive in swarming time;" and
+well it might, for the piece of leather was no other than a blister that
+the apothecary's boy had dropped that morning on the road; and so it is,
+Tom. There's many a thing we take to be a fine patch for our nakedness
+that's only a blister, after all. Witness the Poor Law and the "Cumbrous
+Estates Court," as Rooney calls it. But I 'm wandering away from
+Waterloo all this time. You know the grand controversy is about what
+time the Prussians came up; because that mainly decides who won the
+battle. I believe it's nearly impossible to get at the truth of the
+matter; for though it seems clear enough they were in the wood early in
+the day, it appears equally plain they stayed there&mdash;and small blame to
+them&mdash;till they saw the Inniskillings cutting down the Cuirassiers and
+sabring all before them. They waited, as you and I often waited in a
+row, till the enemy began to run, and then they were down on them.
+Even that same was no small help; for, by the best accounts, the French
+require a deal of beating, and we were dreadfully tired giving it to
+them! Sergeant Cotton, the guide, tells me it was a grand sight just
+about seven o'clock, when the whole line began cheering; first, Adam's
+brigade, then Cooke's battalion, all taking it up and cheering madly;
+the general officers waving their hats, and shouting like the rest. I
+was never able to satisfy myself whether we gained or lost most by that
+same victory of Waterloo; for you see, Tom, after all our fighting in
+Spain and Portugal, after all Nelson's great battles, all our
+triumphs and votes of thanks, Europe is going back to the old system
+again,&mdash;kings bullying their people, setting spies on them, opening
+their letters, transporting the writers, and hanging the readers. If
+they 'd have let Bony alone when he came back from Elba, the chances
+were that he 'd not have disturbed the peace of the world. He had
+already got his bellyful of fighting; he was getting old, falling into
+flesh, and rather disposed to think more of his personal ease than he
+used to do. Are you aware that the first thing he said on entering
+the Tuileries from Elba was, "Avant tout, un bon dîner"? One of the
+marshals, who heard the speech, whispered to a friend, "He is greatly
+changed; you 'll see no more campaigns." I know you 'll reply to me with
+your old argument about legitimacy and divine right, and all that kind
+of thing. But, my dear Tom, for the matter of that, have n't I a divine
+right to my ancestral estate of Tullylicknaslatterley; and look
+what they 're going to do with it, to-morrow or next day! 'T is much
+Commissioner Longfield would mind, if I begged to defer the sale, on
+the ground of "my divine right." Kings are exactly like landlords; they
+can't do what they like with their own, hard as it may seem to say so.
+They have their obligations and their duties; and if they fail in them,
+they come into the Encumbered Estates Court, just like us,&mdash;ay, and,
+just like us, they "take very little by their motion."
+</p>
+<p>
+I know it's very hard to be turned out of your "holding." I can imagine
+the feelings with which a man would quit such a comfortable quarter
+as the Tuileries, and such a nice place for summer as Versailles;
+Dodsborough is too fresh in my mind to leave any doubt on this point;
+but there 's another side of the question, Tom. What were they there
+for? You'll call out, "This is all Socialism and Democracy," and the
+devil knows what else. Maybe I 'll agree with you. Maybe I 'll say I
+don't like the doctrine myself. Maybe I 'll tell you that I think the
+old time was pleasantest, when, if we pressed a little hard to-day, why,
+we were all the kinder to-morrow, and both ruler and ruled looked more
+leniently on each other's faults. But say what we will, do what we will,
+these days are gone by, and they 'll not come back again. There 's a set
+of fellows at work, all over the world, telling the people about their
+rights. Some of these are very acute and clever chaps, that don't
+overstate the case; they neither go off into any flights about universal
+equality, or any balderdash about our being of the same stock; but they
+stick to two or three hard propositions, and they say, "Don't pay more
+for anything than you can get it for,&mdash;that's free-trade; don't pay for
+anything you don't want,&mdash;that's a blow at the Church Establishment;
+don't pay for soldiers if you don't want to fight,&mdash;that 's at 'a
+standing army;' and, above all, when you have n't a pair of breeches
+to your back, don't be buying embroidered small-clothes for
+lords-in-waiting or gentlemen of the bedchamber." But here I am again,
+running away from Waterloo just as if I was a Belgian.
+</p>
+<p>
+When we got to Hougoumont, a dreadful storm of rain came on,&mdash;such
+rain as I thought never fell out of Ireland. It came swooping along
+the ground, and wetting you through and through in five minutes. The
+thunder, too, rolled awfully, crashing and cannonading around these old
+walls, as if to wake up the dead by a memory of the great artillery.
+Mrs. D. took to her prayers in the little chapel, with Mary Anne and
+the Pole, James's friend. Caroline stood with me at a little window,
+watching the lightning; and James, by way of airing his French, got into
+a conversation, or rather a discussion, about the battle with a small
+foreigner with a large beard, that had just come in, drenched to the
+skin. The louder it thundered, the louder they spoke, or rather screamed
+at each other; and though I don't fancy James was very fluent in the
+French, it's clear the other was getting the worst of the argument, for
+he grew terribly angry and jumped about and flourished a stick, and, in
+fact, seemed very anxious to try conclusions once more on the old field
+of conflict.
+</p>
+<p>
+James carried the day, at last; for the other was obliged, as Uncle Toby
+says, "to evacuate Flanders,"&mdash;meaning, thereby, to issue forth into the
+thickest of the storm rather than sustain the combat any longer. When
+the storm passed over, we made our way back to the little inn at the
+village of Waterloo, kept in the house where Lord Anglesey suffered
+amputation, and there we dined. It was neither a very good dinner nor
+a very social party. Mrs. D.'s black velvet bonnet and blue ribbons
+had got a tremendous drenching; Mary Anne contrived to tear a new
+satin dress all down the back, with a nail in the old chapel; James
+was unusually grave and silent; and as for the Pole, all his efforts at
+conversation were so marred by his bad English that he was a downright
+bore. It is a mistake to bring one of these foreigners out with a small
+family party! they neither understand <i>you</i> nor <i>you them</i>. Cary was the
+only one that enjoyed herself; but she went about the inn, picking up
+little curiosities of the battle,&mdash;old buttons, bullets, and the like;
+and it was a comfort to see that one, at least, amongst us derived
+pleasure from the excursion.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have often heard descriptions of that night march from Brussels to
+the field; and truly, what with the gloomy pine-wood, the deep and miry
+roads, and the falling rain, it must have been a very piteous affair;
+but for downright ill-humor and discontent, I 'd back our own journey
+over the same ground against all. The horses, probably worn out with
+toiling over the field all day, were dead beat, and came gradually down
+from a trot to a jog, and then to a shamble, and at last to a stop.
+James got down from the box, and helped to belabor them; it was raining
+torrents all this time. I got out, too, to help; for one of the beasts,
+although too tired to go, contrived to kick his leg over the pole,
+and couldn't get it back again; but the Count contented himself with
+uttering most unintelligible counsels from the window, which when he
+saw totally unheeded, he threw himself back in the coach, lighted his
+meerschaum, and began to smoke.
+</p>
+<p>
+Imagine the scene at that moment, Tom. The driver was undressing himself
+coolly on the roadside, to examine a kick he had just received from one
+of the horses; James was holding the beasts by the head, lashing, as
+they were, all the time; I was running frantically to and fro, to seek
+for a stone to drive in the linch-pin, which was all but out; while
+Mrs. D. and the girls, half suffocated between smoke and passion,
+were screaming and coughing in chorus. By dint of violent bounding and
+jerking, the wheel was wrenched clean off the axle at last, and down
+went the whole conveniency on one side, our Polish friend assisting
+himself out of the window by stepping over Mrs. D.'s head, as she lay
+fainting within. I had, however, enough to do without thinking of him,
+for the door being jammed tight would not open, and I was obliged to
+pull Mrs. D. and the girls out by the window. The beasts, by the same
+time, had kicked themselves free of everything but the pole, with which
+appendage they scampered gayly away towards Brussels; James shouting
+with laughter, as if it was the best joke he had ever known. When we
+began to look about us and think what was best to be done, we discovered
+that the Count had taken a French leave of us, or rather a Polish one;
+for he had carried off James's cloak and umbrella along with him.
+</p>
+<p>
+We were now all wet through, our shoes soaked, not a dry stitch on
+us,&mdash;all except the coachee, who, having taken off a considerable
+portion of his wearables, deposited them in the coach, while he ran up
+and down the road, wringing his hands, and crying over his misfortune in
+a condition that I am bound to say was far more pictorial than decent.
+It was in vain that Mrs. D. opened her parasol as the last refuge of
+offended modesty. The wind soon converted it into something like a
+convolvulus, so that she was fain once more to seek shelter inside the
+conveyance, which now lay pensively over on one side, against a muddy
+bank.
+</p>
+<p>
+Such little accidents as these are not uncommon in our own country; but
+when they do occur, you are usually within reach of either succor
+or shelter. There is at least a house or a cabin within hail of you.
+Nothing of the kind was there here. This "Bois de Cambre," as they call
+it, is a dense wood of beech or pine trees, intersected here and there
+by certain straight roads, without a single inhabitant along the line.
+A solitary diligence may pass once in the twenty-four hours, to or
+from Wâvre. A Waterloo tourist party is occasionally seen in spring or
+summer, but, except these, scarcely a traveller is ever to be met with
+along this dreary tract These reassuring facts were communicated to us
+by the coachee, while he made his toilet beside the window.
+</p>
+<p>
+By great persuasions, much eloquence, French and English, and a Napoleon
+in gold, our driver at length consented to start on foot for Brussels,
+whence he was to send us a conveyance to return to the capital. This
+bargain effected, we settled ourselves down to sleep or to grumble, as
+fancy or inclination prompted.
+</p>
+<p>
+I will not weary you with any further narrative of our sufferings, nor
+tell of that miserable attempt I made to doze, disturbed by Mrs. D.'s
+unceasing lamentations over her ruined bonnet, her shocked feelings,
+and her shot-silk. A little before daybreak, an empty furniture-van came
+accidentally by, with the driver of which we contracted for our return
+to Brussels, where we arrived at nine o'clock this morning, almost as
+sad a party as ever fled from Waterloo! I thought I 'd jot down these
+few details before I lay down for a sleep, and it is likely that I may
+still add a line or two before post-hour.
+</p>
+<p>
+Monday.
+</p>
+<p>
+My dear Tom,&mdash;We've had our share of trouble since I wrote the last
+postscript. Poor James has been "out," and was wounded in the leg, above
+the knee. The Frenchman with whom he had a dispute at Hougoumont sent
+him a message on Saturday last; but as these affairs abroad are always
+greatly discussed and argued before they come off, the meeting did n't
+take place till this morning, when they met near Lacken. James's
+friend was Lord George Tiverton, Member for Hornby, and son to some
+Marquis,&mdash;that you'll find out in the "Peerage," for my head is too
+confused to remember.
+</p>
+<p>
+He stood to James like a trump; drove him to the ground in his own
+phaeton, lent him his own pistols,&mdash;the neatest tools ever I looked at,
+I wonder he could miss with them,&mdash;and then brought him back here, and
+is still with him, sitting at the bedside like a brother. Of course it's
+very distressing to us all, and poor James is in terrible pain, for the
+leg is swelled up as thick as three, and all blue, and the doctors don't
+well know whether they can save it; but it's a grand thing, Tom, to know
+that the boy behaved beautifully. Lord G. says: "I've been out something
+like six-and-twenty times, principal or second, but I never saw anything
+cooler, quieter, or in better taste than young Dodd's conduct." These
+are his own words, and let me tell you, Tom, that's high praise from
+such a quarter, for the English are great sticklers for a grave,
+decorous, cold-blooded kind of fighting, that we don't think so much
+about in Ireland. The Frenchman is one Count Roger,&mdash;not pronounced
+Roger, but Rogee,&mdash;and, they say, the surest shot in France. He left
+his card to inquire after James, about half an hour ago,&mdash;a very
+pretty piece of attention, at all events. Mrs. D. and the girls are not
+permitted to see James yet, nor would it be quite safe, for the poor
+fellow is wandering in his mind. When I came into the room he told Lord
+George that I was his uncle! and begged me not to alarm his aunt on any
+account!
+</p>
+<p>
+I can't as yet say how far this unlucky event will interfere with our
+plans about moving. Of course, for the present, this is out of the
+question; for the surgeon says that, taking the most favorable view of
+his case, it will be weeks before J. can leave his bed. To tell you my
+mind frankly, I don't think they know much about gunshot wounds abroad;
+for I remember when I hit Giles Eyre, the bullet went through his chest
+and came out under the bladebone, and Dr. Purden just stopped up the
+hole with a pitch-plaster, and gave him a tumbler of weak punch, and he
+was about again, as fresh as ever, in a week's time. To be sure, he used
+to have a hacking kind of a short cough, and complained of a pain now
+and then; but everybody has his infirmities!
+</p>
+<p>
+I mentioned what Purden did, to Baron Seutin, the surgeon here; but
+he called him a barbarian, and said be deserved the galleys for it! I
+thought to myself, "It's lucky old Sam does n't hear you, for he's just
+the boy would give you an early morning for it!"
+</p>
+<p>
+I was called away by a message from the Commissary of the Police, who
+has sent one of his sergeants to make an inquiry about the duel.
+</p>
+<p>
+If it was to Roger he went, it would be reasonable enough; but why come
+and torment us that have our own troubles? I was obliged to sit quiet
+and answer all his questions, giving my Christian name and my wife's,
+our ages, what religion we were, if we were really married,&mdash;egad, it's
+lucky it was n't Mrs. D. was under examination,&mdash;what children we had,
+their ages and sex,&mdash;I thought at one time he was going to ask how many
+more we meant to have. Then he took an excursion into our grandfathers
+and grandmothers, and at last came back to the present generation and
+the shindy.
+</p>
+<p>
+If it was n't for Lord George, we 'd never have got through the
+business; but he translated for me, and helped me greatly,&mdash;for what
+with the confusion I was in, and the language, and the absurdity of the
+whole thing, I lost my temper very often; and now I discover that we
+'re to have a kind of prosecution against us, though of what kind, or
+at whose suit, or why, I can't find out. This will be, therefore, number
+three in my list of law-suits here,&mdash;not bad, considering that I 'm
+scarce as many weeks in the country! I have n't mentioned this to you
+before, for I don't like dwelling on it; but it's truth, nevertheless.
+I must close this at last, for we have Lord G. to dinner; and I must go
+and put Paddy Byrne through his facings, or there 'll be all kinds of
+blundering. I wish I'd never brought him with us, nor the jaunting-car.
+The young chaps&mdash;the dandies here&mdash;have a knack of driving, as if down
+on us, just to see Mary Anne trying to save her legs; but I 'll come
+across them one day with the whip, in a style they won't like. Betty
+Cobb, too, was no bargain, and I wish she was back at Dodsborough.
+</p>
+<p>
+We 're always reading in the newspapers how well the Irish get on out
+of Ireland,&mdash;how industrious they become, how thrifty, and so on;
+don't believe a word of it, Tom. There's Betty, the same lazy,
+good-for-nothing, story-telling, complaining, discontented devil ever
+she was; and as for Paddy Byrne, his fists have never been out of
+somebody's features, except when there were handcuffs on them,&mdash;<i>semper
+eadem!</i> Tom, as we used to say at Dr. Bell's. Whatever we may be at
+home,&mdash;and the "Times" won't say much for us there,&mdash;it's <i>there</i> we 're
+best, after all. The doctors are here again to see James; so that I must
+conclude with love to all yours, and Remain ever faithfully your friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0010"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER VI. MISS MARY AUNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+</h2>
+<p>
+Dearest Kitty,&mdash;What a dreadful fortnight have we passed through! We
+thought that poor dear James must have lost his leg; the inflammation
+ran so high, and the pain and the fever were so great, that one night
+the Baron Seutin actually brought the horrid instruments with him, and
+I believe it was Lord George alone persuaded him to defer the operation.
+What a dear, kind, affectionate creature he is! He has scarcely ever
+left the house since it happened; and although he sits up all night with
+James, he seems never tired nor sleepy, but is so full of life all day
+long, playing on the piano, and teaching us the mazurka! I should rather
+say teaching me, for Cary, bless the mark, has taken a prudish turn, and
+says she has no fancy for being pulled about, even by a lord! I may
+as well mention here, that there is nothing less like romping than the
+mazurka, when danced properly; and so Lord George as much as told her.
+He scarcely touches your waist, Kitty; he only "gives you support," as
+he says himself, and he never by any chance squeezes your hand, except
+when there 's something droll he wants you to remark.
+</p>
+<p>
+I must say, Kitty, that in Ireland we conceive the most absurd notions
+about the aristocracy. Now, here, we have one of the first, the very
+first young nobleman of the day actually domesticated with us. For the
+entire fortnight he has never been away, and yet we are as much at home
+with him, as easy in his presence, and as unconstrained as if it were
+your brother Robert, or anybody else of no position. You can form
+no idea how entertaining he is, for, as he says himself, "I 've done
+everything," and I 'm certain so he has; such a range of knowledge on
+every subject,&mdash;such a mass of acquaintances! And then he has been all
+over the world in his own yacht. It's like listening to the "Arabian
+Nights," to hear him talk about the Bosphorus and the Golden Horn; and
+I'm sure I never knew how to relish Byron's poetry till I heard Lord
+G.'s description of Patras and Salamis. I must tell you, as a great
+secret though, that he came, the other evening, in his cloak to the
+drawing-room door, to say that James wanted to see me; and when I went
+out, there he was in full Albanian dress, the most splendid thing you
+ever beheld,&mdash;a dark violet velvet jacket all braided with gold, white
+linen jupe, like the Scotch kilt, but immensely full,&mdash;he said, two
+hundred ells wide,&mdash;a fez on his head, embroidered sandals, and such a
+scimitar! it was a mass of turquoises and rubies. Oh, Kitty! I have no
+words to describe him; for, besides all this, he has such eyes, and the
+handsomest beard in the world,&mdash;not one of those foppish little tufts
+they call imperials, nor that grizzly clothes-brush Young France
+affects, but a regular "Titian," full, flowing, and squared beneath.
+Now, don't let Peter fancy that he ought to get up a "<i>moyen âge</i> look,"
+for, between ourselves, these things, which sit so gracefully on my
+Lord, would be downright ridiculous in the dispensary doctor; and while
+I 'm on the topic, let me say that nothing is so thoroughly Irish as the
+habit of imitating, or rather of mimicking, those of stations above our
+own. I 'll never forget Peter's putting the kicking-straps on his mare
+just because he saw Sir Joseph Vickare drive with them; the consequence
+was that the poor beast, who never kicked before, no sooner felt the
+unaccustomed encumbrance than she dashed out, and never stopped till she
+smashed the gig to atoms. In the same way, I 'm certain that if he
+only saw Lord George's dress, which is a kind of black velvet paletot,
+braided, and very loose in the sleeves, he'd just follow it, quite
+forgetting how inconvenient it might be in what he calls "the surgery."
+At all events, Kitty, do not say that I said so. I'm too conscious how
+little power I have to serve him, to wish to hurt his feelings.
+</p>
+<p>
+You could not believe what interest has been felt about James in the
+very highest circles here. We were at last obliged to issue a species of
+bulletin every morning, and leave it with the porter at the hotel door.
+I own to you I thought it did look a little pretentious at first to read
+these documents, with the three signatures at the foot; but Lord George
+only laughed at my humility, and said that it was "expected from us."
+From all this you may gather that poor James's misfortune has not
+been unalloyed with benefit. The sympathy&mdash;I had almost said the
+friendship&mdash;of Lord G. is indeed priceless, and I see, from the names of
+the inquiries, that our social position has been materially benefited
+by the accident. In the little I have seen of the Continent, one thing
+strikes me most forcibly. It is that to have any social eminence or
+success you must be notorious. I am free to own that in many instances
+this is not obtained without considerable sacrifice, but it would seem
+imperative. You may be very rich, or very highly connected, or very
+beautiful, or very gifted. You may possess some wonderful talent as a
+painter or a musician or as a dramatist. You may be the great talker
+of dinner-parties,&mdash;the wit who never wanted his repartee. A splendid
+rider, particularly if a lady, has always her share of admiration.
+But apart from these qualities, Kitty, you have only to reckon on
+eccentricities, and, I am almost ashamed to write it, on follies.
+Chance&mdash;I never could call it good fortune, when I think of poor
+James&mdash;has achieved for us what, in all likelihood, we never could have
+accomplished for ourselves, and by a turn of the wheel we wake and
+find ourselves famous. I only wish you could see the list of visitors,
+beginning with princes, and descending by a sliding scale to barons and
+chevaliers; such flourishing of hats, too, as we receive whenever we
+drive out! Papa begins to complain that he might as well leave his at
+home, as he is perpetually carrying it about in his hand. But for Lord
+George, we should never know who one-half of these fine folk were; but
+he is acquainted with them all, and such droll histories-as he has of
+them would convulse you with laughter to listen to.
+</p>
+<p>
+I need not say that so long as poor dear James continues to suffer,
+we do not accept of any invitation whatever; we just receive a few
+intimates&mdash;say fifteen or twenty very dear friends&mdash;twice a week.
+Then it is merely a little music, tea, and perhaps a polka, always
+improvised, you understand, and got up without the slightest
+forethought. Lord G. is perfect for that kind of thing, and whatever
+he does seems to spring so naturally from the impulse of the moment.
+Yesterday, however, Just as we were dressing for dinner, papa alone was
+in the drawing-room, the servant announced Monsieur le Général Comte de
+Vanderdelft, aide-de-camp to the King, and immediately there entered a
+very tall and splendidly dressed man, with every order you can think of
+on his breast. He saluted pa most courteously, who bowed equally low
+in return, and then began something which pa thought was a kind of set
+speech, for he spoke so fluently and so long, and with such evident
+possession of his subject, that papa felt it must have been all got up
+beforehand.
+</p>
+<p>
+At last he paused, and poor papa, whose French never advanced beyond the
+second page of Cobbett's Grammar, uttered his usual "Non comprong," with
+a gesture happily more explanatory than the words. The General, deeming,
+possibly, that he was called upon for a recapitulation of his discourse,
+began it all over again, and was drawing towards the conclusion when
+mamma entered. He at once addressed himself to her, but she hastily rang
+the bell, and sent for <i>me</i>. I, of course, did not lose a moment, but,
+arranging my hair in plain bands, came down at once. When I came into
+the drawing-room, I saw there was some mystification, for papa was
+sitting with his spectacles on, busily hunting out something in the
+little Dialogue Book of five languages, and mamma was seated directly
+in front of the General, apparently listening to him with the utmost
+attention, but as I well knew, from her contracted eyebrows and
+pursed-up mouth, only endeavoring to read his sentiments from the
+expression of his features. He turned at once towards me as I saluted
+him, showing how unmistakably he rejoiced at the sound of his own
+language. "I come, Mademoiselle," said he, "on the part of the
+King"&mdash;and he paused and bowed at the word as solemnly as if he were in
+a church. "His Majesty having obtained from the English Legation here
+the names of the most distinguished visitors of your countrymen, has
+graciously commanded me to wait upon the Honorable Monsieur&mdash;" Here he
+paused again, and, taking out a slip of paper from his pocket, read the
+name&mdash;"Dodd. I am right, am I not, Mademoiselle Dodd?" At the mention
+of his name, papa bowed, and placed his hand on his waistcoat as if
+to confirm his identity; while mamma smiled a bland assent to the
+partnership. "To wait upon Monsieur Dodd," resumed the General, "and
+invite him and Madame Dodd to be present at the grand ceremony of the
+opening of the railroad to Mons." I could scarcely believe my ears,
+Kitty, as I listened. The inauguration ceremony has been the stock
+theme of the newspapers for the last month. Archbishops and
+bishops&mdash;cardinals, for aught I know&mdash;have been expected, regardless of
+expense, to bless everything and everybody, from the sovereign down to
+the stokers. The programme included a High Mass, military bands, the
+presence of the whole Court, and a grand <i>déjeuner</i>. To have been deemed
+worthy of an invitation to such a festival was a very legitimate reason
+for pride. "I have not his Majesty's commands, Mademoiselle," said the
+General, "to include you in the invitation; but as the King is always
+pleased to see his Court distinguished by beauty, I may safely
+promise that you will receive a card within the course of this day or
+to-morrow." I suppose I must have looked very grateful, for the
+General dropped his eyes, placed his band on his heart, and said, "Oh,
+Mademoiselle!" in a tone of voice the most touching you can conceive. I
+believe, from watching my emotion, and the General's acknowledgment of
+it, mamma had arrived at the conclusion that the General had come
+to propose for me. Indeed, I am convinced, Kitty, that such was the
+impression on her mind, for she whispered in my ear, "Tell him, Mary
+Anne, that he must speak to papa first." This suggestion at
+once recalled me to myself, and I explained what he had come
+for,&mdash;apologizing, of course, to the General for having to speak in a
+foreign language before him. I am certain mamma's satisfaction at the
+royal invitation totally obliterated any disappointment she might have
+felt from baffled expectations, and she courtesied and smiled, and papa
+bowed and simpered so much, that I felt quite relieved when the General
+withdrew,&mdash;having previously kissed ma's hand and mine, with an air of
+respectful homage only acquired in Courts.
+</p>
+<p>
+Perhaps this scene did not occupy more space than I have taken to
+describe it, and yet, Kitty, it seems to me as though we had been
+inhaling the atmosphere that surrounds royalty for a length of time!
+From my revery on this theme I was aroused by a lively controversy
+between papa and mamma.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Egad!" says papa, "Pummistone's blunder has done us good service. They
+'ve surely taken us for something very distinguished. Look out, Mary
+Anne, and see if there 's any Dodds in the peerage."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Fudge!" cried mamma; "there's no blunder whatever in the case! We
+are beginning to be known, that's all; nor is there anything very
+astonishing in the fact, seeing that King Leopold is the uncle to our
+own Queen. I should like to know what is there more natural than that we
+should receive attention from his Court?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Maybe it's James's accident," muttered papa.
+</p>
+<p>
+"It's no such thing, I'm certain," replied mamma, angrily, "and it's
+downright meanness to impute to a mere casualty what is the legitimate
+consequence of our position."
+</p>
+<p>
+Now, Kitty, whenever mamma uses the word "position," she has generally
+come to the end of her ammunition, which is of the less consequence
+that she usually contrives with this last shot to explode the enemy's
+magazine, and blow him clean out of the water! Papa knows this so well,
+that the moment he hears it, he takes to the long boat, or, to drop
+the use of metaphor, he seizes his hat and decamps; which he did on the
+present occasion, leaving ma and myself in the field.
+</p>
+<p>
+"A Dodd indeed, in the peerage!" said she, contemptuously; "I 'd like
+to know where you 'd find it! If it was a M'Carthy, there would be some
+difference; M'Carthy More slew Shawn Bhuy na Tiernian in the year ten
+thousand and six, and was hanged for it at his own gate, in a rope of
+silk of the family colors, green and white; and I 'd like to know where
+were the Dodds then? But it's the way with your father always, Mary
+Anne; he quite forgets the family he married into."
+</p>
+<p>
+Though this was somewhat of unjust reproach, Kitty, I did not reply to
+it, but turned ma's attention to the King's gracious message, and the
+approaching <i>dejeuner</i>. We agreed that as Cary would n't and indeed
+could n't go, that ma and I should dress precisely alike, with our hair
+in bands in front, with two long curls behind the ears, white tarletan
+dresses, three jupes, looped up with marigolds; the only distinction
+being that ma should wear her carbuncles, and I nothing but moss-roses.
+It sounds very simple costume, Kitty, but Mademoiselle Adèle has such
+taste we felt we might rely upon its not being too plain. Papa, of
+course, would wear his yeomanry uniform, which is really very neat, the
+only ungraceful part being the white shorts and black gaiters to the
+knee; and these he insists on adhering to, as well as the helmet, which
+looks exactly like a gigantic caterpillar crawling over a coal-box!
+However, it's military; and abroad, my dearest Kitty, if not a soldier,
+you are nothing. The English are so well aware of this that not one of
+them would venture to present himself at a foreign court in that absurd
+travesty of footmen called the "corbeau" coat. Even the lawyers
+and doctors, the newspaper editors, the railroad people, the civil
+engineers, and the solicitors, all come out as Yorkshire Hussars,
+Gloucestershire Fencibles, Hants Rifles, or Royal Archers; these last,
+very picturesque, with kilt, filibeg, and dirk, much handsomer than any
+other Highland regiment! We also discussed a little plot about making pa
+wear a coronation-medal, which would pass admirably as an "order," and
+procure him great respect and deference amongst the foreigners; but
+this, I may as well mention here, he most obstinately rejected, and
+swore at last that if we persisted, he 'd have his commission as a
+justice of the peace fixed on a pole, and carry it like a banner before
+him. Of course, in presence of such a threat, we gave up our project.
+You may smile, Kitty, at my recording such trivial circumstances; but of
+such is life. We are ourselves but atoms, dearest, and all around us are
+no more! As eagerly as <i>we</i> strive upwards, so determinedly does
+<i>he</i> drag us down to earth again, and ma's noblest ambitions are ever
+threatened by papa's inglorious tastes and inclinations.
+</p>
+<p>
+I 'm so full of this delightful <i>fête</i> my dear Kitty, that I can think
+of nothing else; nor, indeed, are my thoughts very collected even on
+that,&mdash;for that wild creature, Lord George, is thumping the piano,
+imitating all the opera people, and occasionally waltzing about the room
+in a manner that would distract any human head to listen to! He has just
+been tormenting me to tell him what I 'm saying to you, and bade me tell
+you that he 's dying to make your acquaintance; so you see, dearest,
+that he has heard of those deep-blue eyes and long-fringed lids that
+have done such marvels in our western latitudes! It is really no use
+trying to continue. He is performing what he calls a "Grand March,
+with a full orchestral accompaniment," and there is a crowd actually
+assembling in front of the house. I had something to say, however, if I
+could only remember it.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have just recalled what I wanted to mention. It is this: P. B. is most
+unjust, most ungenerous. Living, as he does, remote from the world and
+its exciting cares, he can form no conception of what is required from
+those who mingle in its pleasures, and, alas! partake of its trials! To
+censure me for the sacrifices I am making to that world, Kitty, is then
+great injustice. I feel that he knows nothing of these things! What knew
+I myself of them till within a few weeks back! Tell him so, dearest.
+Tell him, besides, that I am ever the same, save in that expansion of
+the soul which comes of enlarged views of life,&mdash;more exalted notions
+and more ennobling emotions! When I think of what I was, Kitty, and
+of what I am, I may indeed shudder at the perils of the present, but I
+blush deeply for the past! Of course you will not permit him to think
+of coming abroad; "settling as a doctor," as he calls it, "on the
+Continent," is too horrid to be thought of! Are you aware, Kitty, what
+place the lawyer and the physician occupy socially here? Something
+lower than the courier, and a little higher than the cook! Two or three,
+perhaps, in every capital city are received in society, wear decent
+clothes, and wash their hands occasionally, but there it ends! and
+even they are only admitted on sufferance, and as it were by a tacit
+acknowledgment of the uncertainty of human life, and that it is good to
+have a "learned leech" within call. Shall I avow it, Kitty, I think they
+are right! It is, unquestionably, a gross anomaly to see everlastingly
+around one in the gay world those terrible remembrancers of dark hours
+and gloomy scenes. We do not scatter wills and deeds and settlements
+amongst the prints and drawings and light literature of our drawing-room
+tables, nor do we permit physic-bottles to elbow the odors and essences
+which deck our "consoles" and chimney-pieces; and why should we admit
+the incarnation of these odious objects to mar the picturesque elegance
+of our <i>salons?</i> No, Kitty; they may figure upon a darker canvas,
+but they would ill become the gorgeous light that illumines the grand
+"tableau" of high life! Peter, too, would be quite unsuited to the
+habits of the Continent Wrapped up as he is in his profession, he
+never could attain to that charming negligence of manner, that graceful
+trifling, that most insinuating languor, which distinguish the well-bred
+abroad. If they fail to captivate, Kitty, they at least never wound your
+susceptibilities, nor hurt your prejudices. The delightful maxim that
+pronounces "Tous les goûts sont respectables," is the keystone of this
+system. No, no, Peter must not come abroad!
+</p>
+<p>
+Let me not forget to congratulate you on Robert's success. What is it
+he has gained? for I could not explain to Lord George whether he is a
+"double first" or a something else.
+</p>
+<p>
+You are quite mistaken, my dear friend, about lace. It is fully as
+dear here as with us. At the same time I must say we never do see real
+"Brussels point" in Ireland; for even the Castle folk are satisfied with
+showing you nothing but their cast-off London finery; and as to lace,
+it is all what they call here "application,"&mdash;that is, the flowers and
+tracery are worked in upon common net, and are not part of the fabric,
+as in real "point de Bruxelles." After all, even this is as superior
+to "Limerick lace" as a foreign ambassador is, in manner, to a Dublin
+alderman.
+</p>
+<p>
+I should like to keep this over till the <i>dejeuner</i> at Mons; but as it
+goes by "the Messenger,"&mdash;Lord Gledworth having given pa the privilege
+of the "bag,"&mdash;I cannot longer defer writing myself my dearest Kitty's
+most attached friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+Mary Anne Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+I open my letter to send you the last bulletin about James:&mdash;
+</p>
+<pre>
+     "Monsieur James Dodd has passed a tranquil night, and is
+     proceeding favorably. The wound exhibits a good appearance,
+     and the general fever is slight
+
+     (Signed)          "Baron De Seutin.
+
+     "El'stache De Mornaye, Méd. du Roi. "Samuel Mossin,
+     M.R.C.S.L."
+</pre>
+<p>
+We 're in another mess with that wretch Paddy Byrne. The gendarmes are
+now in the house to inquire after him. It would seem that he has beaten
+a whole hackney-coach stand, and set the vehicles and horses off full
+speed down the "Montagne de la Cour," one of the steepest streets in
+Europe. When will papa see it would be cheaper to send him home by a
+special steamer than to keep him here and pay for all his "escapades"?
+</p>
+<p>
+Paddy, who got on to the roof to escape the police, has just fallen
+through a skylight, and has been conveyed to hospital, terribly injured.
+He fell upon an old gentleman of eighty-two, who says he will look to
+papa for compensation. The tumult the affair has caused is dreadful, and
+pa is like a madman.
+</p>
+<p>
+The General Count Vanderdelft has come back to say that I am invited.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0011"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER VII. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH.
+</h2>
+<p>
+Dear Molly,&mdash;I scarcely have courage to take up my pen, and, maybe, if
+it was n't that I 'm driven to the necessity of writing, I could n't
+bring myself to the effort. You have already heard all about poor dear
+James's duel. It was in the "Post" and "Galignani," and got copied into
+the French papers; and, indeed, I must say that so far as notoriety
+goes, it was all very gratifying to our feelings, though the poor boy
+has had to pay dearly for the honor. His sufferings were very great, and
+for ten days he did n't know one of us; even to this time he constantly
+calls me his aunt! He's now out of danger at last, and able to sit up
+for a few hours every day, and take a little sustenance, and hear the
+papers read, and see the names of the people that have called to ask
+after him; and a proud list it is,&mdash;dukes, counts, and barons without
+end!
+</p>
+<p>
+This, of course, is all very pleasing, and no one is more ready to
+confess it than myself; but life is nothing but trials, Molly; you 're
+up to-day, and you 're down tomorrow; and maybe 'tis when you think the
+road is smoothest and best, and that your load is lightest, 't is just
+at that very moment you see yourself harnessed between the "shafts of
+adversity." We never think of these things when all goes well with us;
+but what a shock we feel when the hand of fate turns the tables on us,
+with, maybe, the scarlatina or the sheep-rot, the smut in the wheat, or
+a stain on your reputation! When I wrote last, I mentioned to you the
+high station we were in, the elegant acquaintances we made, and the
+fine prospect before us; but I 'm not sure you got my letter, for the
+gentleman that took charge of it thought of going home by Norway, so
+that perhaps it has not reached you. It's little matter; maybe 't is all
+the better, indeed, if it never does come to hand! The last three weeks
+has been nothing but troubles; and as for expense, Molly, the money goes
+in a way I never witnessed before, though, if you knew all the shifts I
+'m put to, you 'd pity me, and the sacrifices I make to keep our heads
+above water would drown you in tears.
+</p>
+<p>
+I don't know where to begin with our misfortunes, though I believe the
+first of them was Wednesday week last. You must know, Molly, that we
+were invited by the King, who sent his own aide-de-camp, in full fig,
+with crosses and orders all over him, to ask us to a breakfast, or, as
+they call it, a <i>déjeûner</i>, in honor of the opening of a new railroad at
+Mons. It was, as you may believe, a very great honor to pay us, nothing
+being invited but the very first families,&mdash;the embassies and the
+ministers; and we certainly felt it well became us not to disgrace
+either the country we came from or the proud distinction of his Majesty;
+and so Mary and I had two new dresses made just the same, like
+sisters, very simple, but elegant, Molly,&mdash;a light stuff that cost
+only two-and-five a yard, thirty-two yards of which would make the two,
+leaving me a breadth more in the skirt than Mary Anne,&mdash;the whole
+not coming to quite four pounds, without the making. That was our
+calculation, Molly, and we put it down on paper; for K. I. insists on
+our paying for everything when it comes home, as he is always saying,
+"We never know how suddenly we may have to leave this place yet."
+</p>
+<p>
+Low as the price was, it took a day and a half before he gave in. He
+stormed and swore about all the expenses of the family,&mdash;that there
+was no end of our extravagant habits, and what with hairdressers,
+dancing-masters, and doctors, it cost five-and-twenty pounds in a week.
+</p>
+<p>
+"And if it did, K. I.," said I,&mdash;"if it did, is four pounds too much to
+spend on the dress of your wife and daughter, when they 're invited to
+Court? If you can squander in handfuls on your pleasures, can you spare
+nothing for the wants of your family?"
+</p>
+<p>
+I reminded him who <i>he</i> was and <i>I</i> was. I let him know what was the
+stock I came from, and what we were used to, Molly; and, indeed,
+I believe he 'd rather than double the money not have provoked the
+discussion.
+</p>
+<p>
+The end of it was, we carried the day; and early on Wednesday morning
+the two dresses came home; Mademoiselle Adèle herself coming with them
+to try them on. I have n't words to tell you how mine fitted; if it was
+made on me, it could n't be better. I need n't say more of the general
+effect than that Betty&mdash;and you know she is no flatterer&mdash;called me
+nothing but "miss" till I took it off. Conscious of how it became me,
+I too readily listened to her suggestion to "go and show it to the
+master," and accordingly walked into the room where he was seated
+reading the newspaper.
+</p>
+<a name="image-0002"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/090.jpg" height="790" width="747"
+alt="090
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+"Ain't you afraid of catching cold?" says he, dryly.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Why so?" replied I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Had n't you better put on your gown, going about the passages?" says
+he, in a cross kind of way.
+</p>
+<p>
+"What do you mean, K. I.? Is not this my gown?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"That!" cried he, throwing down the newspaper on the floor. "<i>That!</i>"
+</p>
+<p>
+"And why not, pray, Mister Dodd?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Why not?" exclaimed he; "because you're half-naked, madam,&mdash;because
+it would n't do for a bathing-dress,&mdash;because the Queen of the Tonga
+Islands would n't go out in it."
+</p>
+<p>
+"If my dress is not high enough for your taste, K. I., maybe the bill
+is," says I, throwing down the paper on the table, and sweeping out of
+the room. Oh, Molly, little I knew the words I was saying, for I never
+had opened the bill at all, contenting myself with Mademoiselle Adèle's
+promise that making would be a "bagatelle of some fifteen or twenty
+francs!" What do you think it came to? Eight hundred and thirty-three
+francs five sous. Thirty-three pounds six and tenpence-half penny! as
+sure as I write these lines. I was taken with the nerves,&mdash;just as I
+used to be long ago,&mdash;screeching and laughing and crying altogether,
+when I heard it; and the attack lasted two hours, and left me very weak
+and exhausted after it was over. Oh, Molly dear, what a morning it was!
+for what with ether and curacoa, strong sherry and aniseed cordial,
+my head was splitting; and Betty ran downstairs into the <i>table-d'hôte</i>
+room, and said that "the master was going to murder the mistress," and
+brought up a crowd of gentlemen after her. K. I. was holding my hands
+at the time, for they say that I wanted to make at Mademoiselle Adèle
+to tear her eyes out; so that, naturally enough, perhaps, they believed
+Betty's story; however that might be, they rushed in a body at K. I.,
+who, quitting hold of me, seized the poker. I need n't tell you what he
+is like when in a passion! I 'm told the scene was awful; for they all
+made for the stairs together,&mdash;K. I. after them! The appearance of the
+place afterwards may give you some notion of what it witnessed: all the
+orange-trees in the tubs thrown down, two lamps smashed, the bust of
+the King and Queen on the landing in shivers, several of the banisters
+broken; while tufts of hair, buttons, and bits of cloth were strewn
+about on all sides. The head-waiter is wearing a patch over his eye
+still, and the Swiss porter, one of the biggest men I ever saw, has cut
+his face fearfully by a fall into a glass globe with gold-fish. It was
+a costly morning's work, Molly! and if twenty pounds sees us through it,
+we 're lucky! Mr. Profiles, too, the landlord, came up to request we 'd
+leave the hotel; that there was nothing but rows and disturbances in the
+house since we entered it; and much more of the same sort. K. I.
+flared up at this, and they abused each other for an hour. This is very
+unfortunate, for I hear that P. is a baron, and a great friend of the
+King; for abroad, Molly dear, the nobles are not above anything, and
+sell cigars, and show the town to strangers to turn a penny, without
+any one thinking the worse of them! All this, as you may suppose, was a
+blessed preparation for the Court breakfast; but yet, by two o'clock
+we got away, and reached the Allée Verte, when we heard that all the
+special trains were already off, and had to take our places in the
+common conveyances meant for the public, and, worse again, to be
+separated from K. I., who had to go into a third-class, while Mary Anne
+and I were in a second. There we were, dressed up in full style in the
+noonday, with bare necks and arms, in a crowd of bagmen, officers, and
+clerks, who, you may be sure, had their own thoughts about us; and,
+indeed, there's no saying what they might n't have done as well as
+thought, if K. I. did n't come to the window every time we stopped,
+with a big stick in his hand, and by a very significant gesture gave
+the company to comprehend that he 'd make mince veal of the man that
+molested us.
+</p>
+<p>
+You may think, Molly, of what a two hours we spent, for the women in the
+train were worse than the men; and although I did not understand what
+they said, their looks were quite intelligible; but I have not patience
+to tell you more. We reached Mons at four o'clock; a great part of
+the ceremony was over. The High Mass and Benediction pronounced by
+the Cardinal of M alines; the rail was blessed; and the deputation
+had addressed the King, and his Majesty had replied, and all kinds of
+congratulations were exchanged, orders and crosses given to everybody,
+from the surveyors to the stokers, and now the procession was forming to
+the royal pavilion, where there were tables laid out for eight hundred
+people.
+</p>
+<p>
+K. I.'s scarlet uniform, though a little the worse for wear, and so
+tight in the waist that the last three buttons were left unfastened,
+procured him immediate respect, and we passed through sentries and
+patrols as if we were royalty itself; indeed, the military presented
+arms to K. I. at every step, and such clinking of muskets and bayonets I
+never heard before.
+</p>
+<p>
+All this time, Molly, we were going straight on, without knowing where
+to; for K. I. said to me in a whisper, "Let us put a bold face on it, or
+they 'll ask us for tickets or something of the kind;" and so we went,
+hoping every moment to see our friend the Count, who would take us under
+his protection. If it was n't for our own anxieties, the scene would
+have amused us greatly, for there was all manner of elegant females, and
+men in fine uniforms, and the greatest display of jewels I ever saw; but
+for all that, we were getting uneasy, for we saw that they each carried
+cards in their hands, and that the official came and asked for them as
+they passed on.
+</p>
+<p>
+"We 'll be in a nice way if Vanderdelft does n't turn up," says K.
+I.; and as he said it, there was the General himself beside us. He was
+greatly heated, as if he had been running or walking fast, and, although
+dressed in full uniform, his stock was loose, and his cocked-hat was
+without the feather. "I was afraid I should have missed you," said he,
+in a hurried voice to Mary Anne, "and I 'm half-killed running about
+after you. Where's the Queen-Mother?" This was n't very ceremonious, my
+dear, but I did n't know what he said at the time; indeed, he spoke
+so fast, it was all Mary Anne could do to follow him! for he talked of
+everything and everybody in a breath. "We 've not a minute to lose,"
+cried he, drawing Mary Anne's arm inside his own. "If Leopold once sits
+down to table, I can't present you. Come along, and I 'll get you a good
+place."
+</p>
+<p>
+How we pierced the crowd the saints alone can tell! but the General went
+at them in a way of his own, and they fell back as they saw him coming,
+in a style that made us think we had no common guide to conduct us. At
+last, by dint of crushing, driving, and pushing everybody out of our
+way, we reached a kind of barrier, where two fine-looking men in blue
+and gold were taking the tickets. As Mary Anne and the General were in
+advance of us, I did n't see what happened first; but when we came
+up, we found Vanderdelft in a flaring passion, and crying out, "These
+scullions don't know me; this canaille never heard of my name?"
+</p>
+<a name="image-0003"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/094.jpg" height="585" width="688"
+alt="094
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+"We're in a mess, Mrs. D.," said K. I. to me, in a whisper.
+</p>
+<p>
+"How can that be?" said I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"We 're in a mess," says he, again, "and a pretty mess, too, or I 'm
+mistaken;" but he had n't time for more, for just then the General
+kicked up the bar with his foot, and passed in with Mary Anne,
+flourishing his drawn sword in the air, and crying out, "Take them in
+flank&mdash;sabre them, every man&mdash;no prisoners!&mdash;no quarter!" Oh, Molly, I
+can't continue, though I 'll never forget the scene that followed. Two
+big men in gray coats burst through the crowd and laid hands on the
+General, who, it seems, had made his escape out of a madhouse at Ghent
+a week before, and was, as they said, the most dangerous lunatic in all
+Belgium. It appeared that he had gone down to his own country-house near
+Brussels, and stolen his uniform and his orders, for he was once on
+a time aide-de-camp to the Prince of Orange, and went mad after the
+Revolution.
+</p>
+<p>
+Just think of our situation as we stood there, among all the nobles and
+grandees, suffocated with laughter; for, as they tore the poor General
+away, he cried out "to take care of the Queen-Mother, and to be sure and
+get something to eat for the Aga of the Janissaries," meaning K. I.!
+</p>
+<p>
+The mob at this time began screeching and hooting, and there's
+no knowing how it might have ended, if it was n't for the little
+Captain&mdash;Morris is his name&mdash;that was once quartered at Bruff, and who
+happened to be there, and knew us, and he came up and explained who we
+were, and got us away to a coach, more dead than alive, Molly.
+</p>
+<p>
+And so we got back to Brussels that night, in a state of mind and body I
+leave you to imagine, K. I. abusing us all the way about the milliner's
+bill, the expense of the trip, and the exposure! "It's clear," says he,
+"we may leave this city now, for you 'll never recover what you call
+your 'position' here, after this day's exploit!" You may conceive how
+humbled and broken I was when he dared to say that to me, Molly, and I
+did n't so much as give him a word back!
+</p>
+<p>
+You 'll see from this that life is n't all roses with us; and indeed,
+for the last two days I 've done nothing but cry, and Mary Anne the
+same; for how we're ever to go to court and be presented now, nobody can
+tell! Morris advises K. I. to go into Germany for the summer, and maybe
+he is right; but, to tell you the truth, Molly, I can't bear that little
+man,&mdash;he has a dry, sneering kind of way with him that is odious to me.
+Mary Anne, too, hates him.
+</p>
+<p>
+So Father Maher won't buy "Judy," because she's not in calf. It's just
+like him,&mdash;he must have everything in this life his own way! Send me the
+price of the wool by Purcell; he can get a post-bill for it; and be sure
+to dispose of the fruit to the best advantage. Don't make any jam this
+year, for I 'd rather have the money than be spending it on sugar. You
+'d not believe the straits I 'm put to for a pound or two. It was only
+last week I sold four pair of K. I.'s drab shorts and gaiters, and a
+brown surtout, to a hawker for a trifle of fifteen francs, and persuaded
+him they were stolen out of his drawers! and I believe he has spent
+nearly double the money in handbills, offering a reward for the
+thief! That's the fruits of his want of confidence, and the secret and
+mysterious way he behaves to me! Many 's the time I told him that his
+underhand tricks cost him half his income!
+</p>
+<p>
+I tell him every day it's "no use to be here if we don't live in a
+certain style;" and then he says, "I'm quite ready to go back, Mrs. D.
+It was never my will that we came here at all." And there he is right,
+for it's just Ireland he's fit for! Father Maher and Tom Purcell and Sam
+Davis are exactly the company to suit him; but it's very hard that me
+and the girls are to suffer for his low tastes!
+</p>
+<p>
+The "Evening Mail," I see, puts Dodsborough down at the bottom of a
+column, as if it was Holloway's Ointment. That's what we get by having
+dealings with an Orange newspaper. They could murder us,&mdash;that's their
+feeling. They know in their hearts that they 're heretics, and they hate
+the True Church. There is nothing I detest so much as bigotry. Go to
+heaven <i>your own</i> way, and let the Protestants go to the other place
+<i>theirs</i>. Them's my sentiments, Molly, and I believe they're the
+sentiments of a good Christian!
+</p>
+<p>
+I 'm sorry for Peter Belton, but what business has he to think of a girl
+like Mary Anne? If Dr. Cavanagh was dead himself, the whole practice
+of the country would n't be three hundred a year. Try and get an
+opportunity to tell him what I think, and say that he ought to look out
+for one of the Davises; though what a dispensary doctor wants with a
+wife the Lord only knows! K. I. civilly says he ought to be content
+making blisters for the neighbors, without wanting one on his own back!
+That's the way he talks of women. Father Maher never sent me the lines
+for Betty Cobb, and maybe I 'll be driven to have her cursed by a
+foreign priest after all. She and Paddy are the torment of our lives.
+I saved up five pounds to send them both back by a sailing-ship, but by
+good luck I discovered the vessel was going to Cuba instead of Cork, and
+so here they are still; maybe it would have been better if I had sent
+them off, though the way was something of a roundabout. There's no use
+in my speaking to K. I. about Christy, for he can get nothing for James.
+We may write to Vickars every week, but he never answers; he knows
+Parliament won't be dissolved soon, and he does n't mind us. If I 'd my
+will, there would be a general election every year, at least, and then
+we'd have a chance of getting something. I don't know which is worst,
+the Whigs or the Tories, nor is there much difference between them. K.
+I. supported each of them in turn, and never got bit nor sup from one or
+other, yet!
+</p>
+<p>
+I was sounding K. I. about Christy last night, and <i>he</i> thinks you ought
+to send him to the gold diggings; he wants nothing but a pickaxe and a
+tin cullender and a pair of waterproof boots, to make a fortune there;
+and that's more than we can say of the County Limerick. There's nothing
+so hard to provide for as a boy in these times, except a girl!
+</p>
+<p>
+The trunks have not arrived yet: I hope you despatched them.
+</p>
+<p>
+Your attached and sincere friend,
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0012"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER VIII. BETTY COBB TO MRS. SHUSAN O'SHEA, PRIEST'S HOUSE, BRUFF
+</h2>
+<p>
+Dear Misses Shusan,&mdash;This comes with my heart's sorrow that I'm not at
+home where I was bred and born, but livin' abroad like a pelican on a
+dissolute island, more by token that I never wanted to come, but was
+persuaded by them that knew nothin' about what they wor talking; but
+thought it was all figs and lemons and raisins, with green pays and the
+sun in season all the year round; but, on the contrahery, sich rain and
+wind I never seen afore; and as for the eating, the saints forgive me if
+it's not true, but I b'leve I ate more rats since I 've come, than ever
+ould Tib did since she was kittened. The drinkin' 's as bad or worse.
+What they call wine is spoilt vinegar; and the vegables has no bone nor
+eatin' in them at all, but melts away in the mouth like butter in July.
+But 't is the wickedness is the worst of all. O Shusan! but the men is
+bad, and the women worse. Of all the devils ever I heerd of, they bate
+them: 'T is n't a quiet walk to mass on Sunday, with maybe a decent boy
+beside you, discoorsin' or the like, and then sitting under a hedge for
+the evening, with your apron afore you, talkin' about the praties, or
+the price of pigs, or maybe the polis; but here 'tis dancin' and rompin'
+and eatin', with merry-go-rounds, swing-swongs, and skittles all the day
+long. The dancin' 's dreadful! they don't stand up fornent other, like
+a jig, where anything of a dacent partner would n't so much as look hard
+at you, but keep minding his steps and humorin' the tune; but they catch
+each other round the waist&mdash;'tis true I am saying&mdash;and go huggin' and
+tearin' about like mad, till they can't breathe nor spake; and then, the
+noise! for 'tis n't one fiddle they have, but maybe twenty, with horns
+and flutes and a murderin' big brown tube, that a man blows into at one
+side, that makes a sound like the sea among the rocks at Kelper; and
+that's dancin', my dear! I got lave from the mistress last Sunday to go
+out in the evening with Mr. Francis, the currier, as they call him,&mdash;a
+mighty nice man, but a little free in his manners; and we went to the
+Moelenbeck Gardens, an iligant place, no doubt, with a hundred little
+tables under the trees, and a flure for dancin' and fireworks and a
+boat on a lake, with an island in it, where there was a hermit,&mdash;a
+fine-looking ould man, with a beard down to his waist, but, for all
+that, no better than he ought to be, for he made an offer to kiss me
+when I was going into the boat, and Mr. Francis laughed at me bekase
+I was angry. No matter, we went off to a place they call the Temple of
+Bakis, where there was a fat man, as I thought, stark nakit; but it was
+flesh-colored web he had on, and he was settin' on a beer-barrel, with a
+wreath of roses round his head, and looking as drunk as ever I seen;
+and for half a franc apiece, Bakis pulled out the spiget, and gave you a
+glassful of the nicest drink ever was tasted,&mdash;warm wine, with nutmeg
+in it, and cloves, and a taste of mint. I was afeerd to do more nor sup,
+seein' the place and the croud; but indeed, Shusan, little as I took, it
+got into my head; and I sat down on the steps of the Temple, and begun
+to cry about home and Dodsborough; and something came over me that Mr.
+Francis did n't mane well; and so I told everybody that I was a poor
+Irish girl, and that he was a wicked blaguard; and then the polis came,
+and there was a shindy! I don't know how far my head was wrong all the
+time; and they said that I sung the "Croniawn Dhubh;" maybe I did; but I
+know that I bate off the polis; and at last they took me away home, when
+every stitch on me was in ribbins; my iligant bonnet with the green bows
+as flat as a halfpeny; and the bombazine the mistress gave me, all rags;
+one of my shoes, too, was lost; and except a handful of hair I tore out
+of the corporal's beard, 'twas all loss to me.
+</p>
+<a name="image-0004"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/100.jpg" height="573" width="706"
+alt="100
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+This wasn't the worst; for little Paddy Byrne, that was in bed for a
+baiting he got 'mong the hackney-coachmen, jumped up and flew at Mister
+Francis for the honor of ould Ireland; and they fit for twenty minutes
+in the pantry, and broke every bit of glass and chaney in the house,
+forbye three lamps and some alybastard figures that was put there for
+safety; and the end of it was, Mr. Francis was discharged, but would n't
+take his wages, if the master did n't pay him half a year in advance,
+with diet and washing, and his expenses home to Swisserland, wherever
+that is; and there it is now, and master is in a law-shute, that
+everybody says will go agin him; for there's one good thing abroad,
+Shusan dear, the coorts stands by poor sarvants, and won't see them
+wronged by any cruel masters; and maybe it would be taching ould Mister
+Dodd something, if they made him smart for this!
+</p>
+<p>
+Ye may think, from all this, that I 'd be glad to be back again, and
+so it is. I cry all day and night, and sorrow stich I do for either the
+mistress or the young ladies, and maybe at last they 'll see 't is best
+to send me home. They needn't begrudge me the thrifle 'twould cost, for
+they're spending money like mad; and even the mistress, that would skin
+a flay in Ireland, thinks nothing of layin' out ten or fifteen pounds
+here of a day. Miss Mary Anne is as bad as the mother, and grown so
+proud and stand off that I never spake to her. Miss Caroline is what she
+used to be, barrin' the spirits; to be sure, she has no divarsion and no
+horse to ride, nor doesn't be out in the fields as she used, but for all
+that she bears it better than myself. Mister James is grown a young mau
+in three weeks, and never passes me on the stair without a wink or a
+look of the same kind; that's the way the Continent taches good manners!
+Mrs. Shusan! oh dear! oh dear! but 'tis wishing it I am, the day I come
+on this incontential tour. If I can't get back,&mdash;though it's not my
+fault if I don't,&mdash;send me the pair of strong shoes you 'll find in my
+hair trunk, and the two petticoats in the corner. If you could get a
+blade in the big scissors, send it too, and the two bits of dimity I
+want for mendin'. There was some Dandy Lion in a paper, I'd like; for
+there's none here, they say, has strength in it. You 'll be able to send
+me these by somebody coming this way, for I heerd mistress say everybody
+is travellin' these times. What was it Father Tom used to take for the
+redness in his nose? mine is tormentin' me dreadful, and though I'm
+poulticin' it every night with ash-bark, earthworms, and dragon's blood,
+I think it's only worse it's gettin'. Mr. Francis said that I must larn
+to sleep with my nose higher than my head, though how I'm to do it, the
+saints alone can tell! No time for more than to say your loving friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+Betty Cobb.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0013"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER IX. KENNY DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ.
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    BELLEVUE, BRUSSELS.
+</h3>
+<p>
+Dear Tom,&mdash;It 's no use in talking; I can't go over to Ireland now, and
+you know that as well as myself. Besides, what 's the good of me taking
+a part in the elections? Who can tell which side will be uppermost,
+after all? And if one is "to enter, it's as well to ride the winning
+horse." Vickars has behaved so badly that I don't think I'd support him;
+but there's a fortnight yet before the elections, and perhaps he may see
+the errors of his ways before that!
+</p>
+<p>
+I 've little heart or spirits for politics, for my life is fairly
+bothered out of me with domestic troubles. James is going on very
+slowly. There was a bit of glove-leather round the ball&mdash;a most
+inexcusable negligence on the part of his second&mdash;that has given much
+uneasiness; and he has a kind of night fever that keeps him low and
+weak. With that, too, he has too many doctors. Three of them come every
+morning, and never go away without a dispute.
+</p>
+<p>
+It strikes me forcibly, Tom, that medical science is one of the things
+that makes little progress, considering all the advantages of our
+century. I don't mean to say that they don't know better what's inside
+of you, what your bones are made of, that they have n't more hard names
+for everything than formerly; but that when it comes to cure you of a
+toothache, or a colic, or a fit of the gout, my sure belief is they made
+just as good a hand of it two hundred years ago. I won't deny that they
+'ll whip off your leg, tie one of your arteries, or take your hip out
+of the socket quicker than they used long ago; but how few of us, thank
+God, have need of that kind of skill! and if we have, what signifies a
+quarter of a minute more or less? Tim Hackett, that was surgeon to our
+County Infirmary forty years, never used any other tools than an old
+razor and a pair of pincers, and I believe he was just as successful as
+Astley Cooper; and yet these fellows that come to see James cover
+the table every day with instruments that would puzzle the Royal
+Society,&mdash;things like patent corkscrews, scissors with teeth like a saw,
+and one little crankum for all the world like a landing-net: James is
+more afraid of that than all the rest When I saw it first, I thought it
+was a new contrivance for taking the fees in. The Pharmacopoeia&mdash;I hope
+I spell it right&mdash;is greater, to be sure, than long ago, but what's the
+advantage of that? We never discover a new kind of beast for food, and
+I see little benefit in multiplying what only disgusts you. 'T is
+with medicine as with law, Tom; the more precedents we have, the more
+confused we get; and where our ignorant ancestors saw their way clearly,
+we, with all our enlightenment, never can hit on the right track at all.
+The mill-owner and the engineer, the tanner, the dyer, the printer,
+ay, even the fanner, picks up something every day that helps him in
+his craft. It's only the learned professions that never learn anything;
+maybe that's how they got the name "lucus à non," Tom, as Dr. Bell would
+say.
+</p>
+<p>
+You keep preaching to me about economy and making "both ends meet," and
+all that kind of balderdash; and if you only saw the way we 're living,
+you 'd be surprised at our cheapness. Whenever a five-pound note sees
+me through our bill for the day, I give myself a bottle of champagne at
+night out of gratitude! You remember all Mrs D.'s promises about thrift
+and saving; and, faith, I must say that so far as cutting "down the
+estimates" for the rest of the family, she 's worthy of the Manchester
+school; but whenever it touches herself, her liberality becomes
+boundless.
+</p>
+<p>
+I believe it would be cheaper to give the milliner a room in the house
+than pay her coach-hire, for she 's here every morning, and generally
+in my room when I 'm shaving, sometimes before I 'm up. Not that this
+trifling circumstance ever disconcerted her. On my conscience, I believe
+she 'd have taken Eve's measure before Adam, without a blush at the
+situation! So far as I have seen of foreign life, Tom, shamelessness
+is the grand characteristic, and I grieve to say that one picks up the
+indecency much easier than the irregular verbs. I wish, however, I had
+nothing to complain of but this.
+</p>
+<p>
+I told you in one of my late letters that I was getting into law here;
+the plot is thickening since that, and I have now, I believe, four
+actions&mdash;I hope it is not five&mdash;pending in four different courts; in
+some I 'm the plaintiff, in some the defendant, and in another I 'm
+something between the two; but what that may be, or what consequences
+it entails, I know as much as I do about calculating the next eclipse!
+Indeed, to distinguish between the several suits and the advocates I
+have engaged is no small difficulty, and a considerable part of every
+conference is occupied with purely introductory matter. These foreign
+lawyers have a mysterious kind of way with them, too, that always gives
+you the impression that a law-suit is something like the Gunpowder Plot!
+There's a fellow comes to me every morning for instructions, as he calls
+it, muffled up in a great cloak, and using as many precautions
+against being seen by the servants as if he were going to blow up the
+Government. I 'd not be so sensitive on the subject, if it had n't
+provoked a species of annoyance, at which, perhaps, you 'll be more
+disposed to laugh than sympathize.
+</p>
+<p>
+For the last week Mrs. D. has adopted a kind of warfare at which she,
+I 'll be bound to say, has few equals and no superior,&mdash;a species of
+irregular attack, at all times and on all subjects, by innuendo and
+insinuation, so dexterously thrown out as to defy opposition; for you
+might as well take your musket to keep off the mosquitoes! What she was
+driving at I never could guess, for the assault came on every flank,
+and in all manner of ways. If I was dressed a little more carefully than
+usual, she called attention to my "smartness;" if less so, she hinted
+that I was probably going out "on the sly." If I stayed at home, I was
+"waiting for somebody;" if I went out, it was to "meet them." But
+all this guerilla warfare gave way at last to a grand attack, when I
+ventured to remonstrate about some extravagance or other. "It came well
+from <i>me</i>," she burst forth, with indignant anger,&mdash;"it came well from
+<i>me</i> to talk of the little necessary expenses of the family,&mdash;the bit
+they ate, and the clothes on their backs." She spoke as if they were
+Mandans or Iraquois, and lived in a wigwam! "It came well from me,
+living the life I did, to grudge them the commonest requirements
+of decency!" "Living the life I did!" I avow to you, Tom, the words
+staggered me. Warren Hastings tells us that when Burke concluded his
+terrible invective, that he actually sat for five minutes overwhelmed
+with a sense of guilt; and so stunning was this charge that it took me
+full double as long to rally! for though Mrs. D.'s eloquence may not
+possess all the splendor or sublimity of the great Edmund, there is a
+homely significance, a kind of natural impressiveness, about it not to
+be despised. "Living the life I did," rang in my ears like the words of
+a judge in a charge. It sounded like&mdash;"Kenny Dodd, you have been fairly
+convicted by an honest and impartial jury!" and I confess I sat there
+expecting to hear "the last sentence of the law." It was only after some
+interval I was able to ask myself, "what was really the kind of life I
+had been leading." My memory assured me it was a very stupid, tiresome
+existence,&mdash;very good-for-nothing and un instructive. It was by no
+means, however, one of flagrant vice or any outrageous wickedness; and I
+could n't help muttering with honest Jack,&mdash;
+</p>
+<pre>
+     "If sack and sugar be a sin, God help the wicked!"
+</pre>
+<p>
+The only things like personal amusements I had indulged in being
+gin-and-water and dominoes,&mdash;cheap pleasures, if not very fascinating
+ones!
+</p>
+<p>
+"Living the life I did!" Why, what does the woman mean? Is she
+throwing in my teeth the lazy, useless, unprofitable course of my
+daily existence, without a pursuit, except to hear the gossip of the
+town,&mdash;without an object, except to retail it? "Mrs. D.," said I, at
+last, "you are, generally speaking, comprehensible. Whatever faults may
+attach to your parts of speech, it must be owned they usually convey
+your meaning. Now, for the better maintenance of this characteristic,
+will you graciously be pleased to explain the words you have just
+spoken? What do you mean by the 'life I am leading'?" "Not before the
+girls, certainly, Mr. D.," said she, in a Lady Macbeth whisper that made
+my blood curdle.
+</p>
+<p>
+The mischief was out at once, Tom,&mdash;I know you are laughing at it
+already; it's quite true, she was jealous,&mdash;mad jealous! Ah, Tom, my
+boy, it 's all very good fun to laugh at Keeley, or Buckstone, or any
+other of those diverting vagabonds who can convulse the house with such
+a theme; but in real life the farce is downright tragedy. There is not a
+single comfort or consolation of your life that is not kicked clean from
+under you! A system of normal agitation is a fine thing, they tell us,
+in politics, but it is a cruel adjunct of domestic life! Everything
+you say, every look you give, every letter you seal, or every note you
+receive, are counts in a mysterious indictment against you, till at last
+you are afraid to blow your nose, lest it be taken for a signal to the
+fat widow lady that is caressing her poodle at the window over the way!
+</p>
+<p>
+You may be sure, Tom, that I repelled the charge with all the
+indignation of injured innocence. I invoked my thirty years' good
+character, the gravity of my demeanor, the gray of my whiskers; I
+confessed to twenty other minor misdemeanors,&mdash;a taste for practical
+jokes, a love of cribbage and long whist; I went further,&mdash;I expressed a
+kind of St. Kevenism about women in general; but she cut me short with,
+"Pray, Mr. D., make one exception; do be gallant enough to say that
+there is one, at least, not included in this category of horrors."
+</p>
+<p>
+"What are you at now?" cried I, almost losing all patience.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Yes, sir," said she, in a grand melodramatic tone that she always
+reserves for the peroration,&mdash;as postilions keep a trot for
+the town,&mdash;"yes, sir, I am well accustomed to your perfidy and
+dissimulation. I know perfectly for what infamous purposes abroad your
+family are treated so ignominiously at home; I'm no stranger to your
+doings." I tried to stop her by an appeal to common-sense; she despised
+it. I invoked my age,&mdash;egad! I never put my foot in it till then.
+That was exactly what made me the greatest villain of all! Whatever
+veneration attaches to white hairs, it must be owned they get mighty ill
+treated in discussions like the present; at least, Mrs. D. assured me
+so, and gave me to understand that one pays a higher premium for their
+morality, as they do for their life-assurance, as they grow older.
+"Not," added she, as her eyes glittered with anger, and she sidled near
+the door for an exit,&mdash;"not but, in the estimation of others, you may be
+quite an Adonis,&mdash;a young gentleman of wit and fashion,&mdash;a beau of the
+first water; I have no doubt Mary Jane thinks so,&mdash;you old wretch!"
+This, in all, and a bang of the door that brought down an oil picture
+that hung over it, closed the scene.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Mary Jane thinks so!" said I, with my hand to my temples to collect
+myself. Ah, Tom! it would have required a cooler head than mine was at
+that moment to go hunting through the old archives of memory! Nor will I
+torment you with even a narrative of my struggles. I passed that evening
+and the night in a state of half distraction; and it was only when I was
+giving one of our lawyers a check the next morning that I unravelled the
+mystery, for, as I wrote down his name, I perceived it was Marie Jean
+de Rastanac,&mdash;a not uncommon Christian name for men, though, considering
+the length and breadth of the masculine calendar; a very needless
+appropriation.
+</p>
+<p>
+This was "Mary Jane," then, and this the origin of as pretty a conjugal
+flare-up as I remember for the last twelvemonth!
+</p>
+<p>
+Mrs. D. reminds me of the Opposition, and the Opposition of Vickars. I
+suppose he wants to be a Lord of the Treasury. It's very like what
+old Frederick used to call making a "goat a gardener." What rogues the
+fellows are! You write to them about your son or your nephew, and they
+answer you with some tawdry balderdash about their principles, as if any
+one of us ever believed they were troubled with principles! I'm all for
+fair straightforward dealing. Put James in the Board of Trade, and you
+may cut up the Caffres for ten years to come. Give us something in the
+Customs, and I don't care if New Zealand never has a constitution! 'Tis
+only the fellows that have no families ask questions at the hustings!
+Show me a man that wants <i>pledges</i> from his <i>representative</i>, and I 'll
+show you one that has got none from his wife!
+</p>
+<p>
+And there's Vickars writing to me, as if I was a fool, about all the old
+clap-traps that we used to think were kept for the election dinner; and
+these chaps, like him, always spoil a good argument when they get hold
+of it. Now, when a parson has n't tact enough to write his sermons, he
+buys a volume of Tillotson or Blair, or any other, and reads one out as
+well as he can; but your member&mdash;God bless the mark!&mdash;must invent his
+own nonsense. How much better if he 'd give you Peel, or Russell, or Ben
+Disraeli in the original! There are skeleton sermons for drowsy curates;
+I wish any one would compose skeleton speeches for the county members.
+You 'll say that I 'm unreasonably testy about these things; but I 've
+got a letter this instant from Vickers, expressing his hope that I 'll
+be satisfied with the view he has taken on the "question of free-labor
+sugar." Did I ever dispute it, Tom? I drink no tea,&mdash;I hate sweet
+things, and, except a lump, and that a small one, that I take in my
+tumbler of punch, I never use sugar; and I care no more what 'a the
+color of the man that raises it than I do for the name of the supercargo
+that brought it over. Don't put cockroaches in it, and sell it cheap,
+and I don't care a brass farthing whether it grew in Barbary or
+Barbadoes! Not, my dear Tom, but it's all gammon, the way they discuss
+the question; for the two parties are always debating two different
+issues; one crying out cheap sugar, the other no slavery! and the
+consequence is, they never meet in argument As to the preference Vickars
+insists should be given to free-labor sugar, carry out the principle and
+see what it comes to. I ought to receive eight or ten shillings a barrel
+more for my wheat than old Joe M'Curdy, because <i>I</i> always gave my
+laborers eight-pence a day, and <i>he</i> never went higher than sixpence,
+more often fourpence. Is not that free labor and slavery, just as well
+exemplified as if every man in the barony was a black?
+</p>
+<p>
+They tell me the niggers won't work if you don't thrash them, and I
+don't wonder, when I think of the heat of the climate; but sure if
+they've more idleness, they ought to get less money; and lastly, I take
+the Abolitionists&mdash;bother it for a long word!&mdash;on their own ground, and
+are they prepared to say that if you impose a duty on slave sugar, the
+Cubans and the rest of them won't only take more out of the niggers to
+meet "the exigency of the market," as the newspapers call it? If they do
+so, they 'll only be imitating our own farmers since the repeal of the
+corn law. "You must bestir yourselves," says Lord Stanley; "competition
+with the foreigner will demand all your activity. It won't do to go
+on as you used. You must buy guano, take to drainage, study Smith of
+Deanstown, and mind the rotation of your crops." Don't you think that
+some enlightened Cuban will hit upon the same train of argument, and
+make a fresh investment in whipcord? Ah, Tom! these are only party
+squabbles, after all; and so I told Vickars. I don't know why, but it
+always seemed to me that the blacks absorb a very unfair amount of our
+loose sympathies; whether it's the color of them, or that they 're so
+far away, or because they 're naked, I never knew; but certain it is,
+we pity them far more than our own people, and I back myself to get up a
+ladies' committee for a nigger question, before you collect three people
+to hear you discuss a home grievance.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have just been interrupted to receive Monsieur Jellicot, my defender
+in action No. 3, a suit preferred by my late courier, "François
+Tehetuer, born in the canton of Zug, aged thirty-seven years, single,
+and a Protestant, against Monsieur Kenyidod, natif d'Irlande, près de
+Dublin, dans le Royaume de la Grande Bretagne," &amp;c., &amp;c.; the demand
+being for a year's wages, bed, board, and travelling expenses to his
+native country. He, the aforesaid François, having been sent away for a
+disgraceful riot in my house, in which he beat Pat, the other servant,
+and smashed about five-and-twenty pounds' worth of glass and china. A
+very pretty claim, Tom,&mdash;the preliminary resistance to which has already
+cost me about one hundred and fifty francs to remove the litigation into
+an upper court, where the bribery is higher, and consequently deemed
+more within the reach of <i>my</i> finances than those of honest Francis!
+</p>
+<p>
+To tell you all that I think of the rascality of the administration of
+justice here, would lead me into a diffusiveness something like that of
+the pleasant "Mémoire" which my advocate has just left me to read, and
+in which, as a measure of defence against an iniquitous demand, I 'm
+obliged to give a short history of my life, with some account of my
+father and grandfather. I made it as brief as I could, and said
+nothing about the mortgages nor Hackett's bond; but even with all my
+conciseness, the thing is very voluminous. The greatest difficulty of
+all is the examination of Paddy Byrne, who, imagining that a law process
+cannot have any other object than either to hang or transport <i>him</i>, has
+already made two efforts at escape, and each time been brought back by
+the police. His repugnance to the course of justice has already damaged
+my case with my own defender, who, naturally enough, thinks if <i>my
+own</i> witnesses are so little to my credit, what will be the <i>opposite</i>
+evidence? »
+</p>
+<p>
+Another of my "causes célèbres," as Cary calls them,&mdash;she is the only
+one of us has a laugh left in her,&mdash;is for the assault and battery of
+a certain Mr. Cherry, a little rascal that came one day to tell me
+that Mrs. D. 's appearance struck him as being more fascinating than
+respectable! I kicked him downstairs into the street, and in return he
+has dragged me into the Court of the Correctional Police, where I 'm
+told they 'll maul <i>me</i> far worse than I did him; besides this, I have
+a small interlude suit for a breach of contract, in not taking a lodging
+next an Anatomy School; and lastly, James's duel! I have compromised
+fully double the number, and have received vague threats from different
+quarters, that may either mean being waylaid or prosecuted, as the case
+may be.
+</p>
+<p>
+So far, therefore, as economy goes, this Continentalizing has not
+succeeded up to this. Instead of living rent free at Dodsborough, with
+our own mutton and turnips, the ducks and peas, that cost us, I may
+say, nothing, here we are, keeping up the price of foreign markets,
+and feeding the foreigners at the expense of our own poor people. If,
+instead of excluding British manufactures from the Continent, Bony had
+only struck out the notion of seducing over here John Bull himself and
+his family, let me assure you, Tom, that he'd have done us far more
+lasting and irreparable mischief. We can do without their markets. What
+between their Zollvereins, their hostile tariffs, and troublesome trade
+restrictions, they have themselves taught us to do without them; and,
+indeed, except when we get up a row at Barcelona, and smuggle five or
+six hundred thousand pounds' worth of goods into Spain, we care little
+for the old Continent; but I 'll tell you what we cannot do without,&mdash;we
+cannot do without their truffled turkeys, their tenors, their men-cooks,
+and their dancing-women. French novels and Italian knavery have got a
+fast hold of us; and I doubt much if the polite world of England would
+n't rather see this country cut off from all the commerce of America
+than be themselves excluded from the wicked old cities of Europe!
+</p>
+<p>
+When I think of myself holding these opinions, and still living abroad,
+I almost fancy I was meant for a Parliamentary life; for assuredly my
+convictions and my actions are about as contradictory as any honorable
+or right honorable gentleman on either side of the House. But so it is,
+Tom. Whatever 's the reason of it I can't tell, but I believe in my
+heart that every Irishman is always doing something or other that he
+doesn't approve of; and that this is the real secret of that want of
+conduct, deficient steadiness, uncertainty of purpose, and all the other
+faults that our polite neighbors ascribe to us, and what the "Times" has
+a word of its own for, and sets shortly down as "Celtic barbarism." And
+between ourselves, the "Times" is too fond of blackguarding us. What's
+the use of it? What good does it ever do? I may throw mud at a man every
+day till the end of the world, but I 'll never make his face the cleaner
+for it!
+</p>
+<p>
+The same system we used to follow once with America; and at last, what
+with sneering and jibing, we got up a worse feeling between the two
+countries than ever existed in the heat of the war. No matter how stupid
+the writer, how little he saw, or how ill he told it, let a fellow
+come back from the United States with a good string of stories about
+whittling, spitting, and chewing, interlard the narrative with a full
+share of slang, show up Jonathan as a vulgar, obtrusive, self-important
+animal, boastful and ignorant, and I 'll back the book to run through
+its two or three editions with a devouring and delighted public. But
+what would you think of a man that went down to Leeds or Manchester, to
+look at some of our great factories at full work; who saw the evidences
+of our enterprise and industry, that are felt at the uttermost ends
+of the earth; who knew that every bang of that big piston had its
+responsive answer in some far-away land over the sea, where British
+skill and energy were diffusing comfort and civilization,&mdash;what, I say,
+would you think of him if, instead of standing amazed at the future
+before such a people, he sat down to chronicle how many fustian jackets
+had holes in them, how many shaved but twice a week, whether the
+overseer made a polite bow, or the timekeeper talked with a strong
+Yorkshire accent?
+</p>
+<p>
+I tell you, Tom, our travellers in the States did little other than
+this. I don't mean to say that it wouldn't be pleasanter and prettier to
+look at, if all the factory-folk were dressed like Young England,
+with white waistcoats and cravats, and all the young ladies wore silk
+petticoats and white satin shoes; but I'm afraid that, considering the
+work to do, that's scarcely practicable; and so with regard to America,
+considering the work to do,&mdash;ay, Tom, and the way they are doing it,&mdash;I
+'m not over-disposed to be critical about certain asperities that are
+sure to rub off in time, particularly if we don't sharpen them into
+spikes by our own awkward attempts to polish them.
+</p>
+<p>
+If I was able, I'd like to write a book about America. I'd like to
+inquire, first, if, seeing the problem that the Yankees are trying to
+solve, the way they have set about it is the best and the shortest? I'd
+like, too, to study what secret machinery combines a weak government
+and a strong people,&mdash;the very reverse of what we see in the Old World,
+where the governments are strong and the people weak? I'd like to find
+out, if I could, why people that, for the most part, have formed the
+least subordinate populations of the Old World, behave so remarkably
+well in the New?
+</p>
+<p>
+In running off into these topics, Tom, I suppose I'm like every one
+else, who, in proportion as his own affairs become embarrassed, takes a
+wonderful interest in those of his neighbors. Half the patriotism in the
+world comes out of the bankruptcy courts.
+</p>
+<p>
+And, here's Monsieur Gabriel Dulong "for my instructions <i>in re</i>
+Cherry," as if to recall me from foreign affairs, and once more bring
+back my wandering thoughts to the Home Office.
+</p>
+<p>
+Write to me, Tom, and send me money. You have no idea how it goes here;
+and as for the bankers, I never met the like of them! The exchange is
+always against you, and if you want a ten-pound English note, they'll
+make you smart for it.
+</p>
+<p>
+The more I see of this foreign life, the less I like it. I know that we
+have been unfortunate in one or two respects. I know that it is rash in
+me to speak on so brief an acquaintance with it, but I already dread
+our being more intimate. Mrs. D. is not the woman you knew her. No
+more thrift, no more saving,&mdash;none of that looking after trifles that,
+however we may laugh at in our wives, we are right glad to profit by.
+She has taken a new turn, and fancies, God forgive her! that we have
+an elegant estate, and a fine, thriving, solvent tenantry. Wherever the
+delusion came from, I cannot guess; but I 'm certain that the little
+slip of sea between Dover and Calais is the origin of more false notions
+and extravagant fancies than the wide Atlantic.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have been thinking for some days back that you ought to write me
+a strong letter,&mdash;you know what I mean, Tom,&mdash;a strong letter about
+matters at home. There's no great difficulty, when a man lives in
+Ireland, to make out a good list of grievances.
+</p>
+<p>
+Give it to us, then, and let us have our fill of rotten potatoes,
+blighted wheat, runaway tenants, and workhouse riots. Throw in a murder
+if you like, and make it "strong," Tom. Say that, considering the
+cheapness of the Continent, we draw a terrible sight of money, and add
+that you can't imagine what we do with the cash. Put "Strictly private
+and confidential" on the outside, and I 'll take care to be out of the
+way when it comes. You can guess that Mrs. D. will soon open it, and
+perhaps it may give her a shock. Is n't it hard that I have to go about
+the bush in this way? but that's what we 're come to. If I hint a word
+about expense, they look on me as if I was Shylock; and I believe they
+'d rather hear me blaspheme than say the phrase "economy." I think, from
+what I see in James, that he's fretting about this very same thing. He
+did n't say exactly <i>that</i>, but he dropped a remark the other day that
+showed me he was grieved by the turn for dress and finery that Mrs. D.
+and Mary Anne have taken up; and one of the nurses that sat up with
+him told me that he used to sigh dreadfully at times, and mutter broken
+expressions about money.
+</p>
+<p>
+To tell you the truth, Tom, I 'd go back to-morrow, if I could. "And why
+can't you?&mdash;what prevents you, Kenny?" I hear you say. Just this, then,
+I haven't the pluck! I couldn't stand the attack of Mrs. D. and her
+daughter. I 'm not equal to it. My constitution is n't what it used to
+be, and I'm afraid of the gout. At my time of life, they say it always
+flies to the heart or to the head,&mdash;maybe because there 's a vacancy in
+these places after fifty-six or seven years of age! I see, too, by the
+looks Mrs. D. gives Mary Anne occasionally, that they know this; and she
+often gives me to understand that she does n't wish to dispute with me,
+for reasons of her own. This is all very well, and kindly meant, Tom,
+but it throws me into a depression that is dreadful.
+</p>
+<p>
+I see by the papers that you've taken up all kinds of "Sanitary
+Questions" at home. As for the health of towns, Tom, the grand thing
+is not to suffer them to grow too big. You're always crying out about
+twelve people sleeping in one room somewhere, and you gave the ages of
+each of them in the "Times," and you grow moral and modest, and I don't
+know what else, about decency, destitution, and so forth; but what's
+London itself but the very same thing on an enlarged scale? It's
+nonsense to fret about a wart, when you have a wen in the same
+neighborhood. Not that I'm sorry to see fine folk taking trouble about
+what concerns the poor, particularly when they go about it sensibly and
+quietly, without any balderdash of little books, and, above all, without
+a ladies' committee. If there 's anything chokes me, it's a
+ladies' committee. Three married women on bad terms with
+their husbands, four widows, and five old maids, all prying,
+pedantic, and impertinent,&mdash;going loose about the world with little
+subscription-cards, decrying innocent pleasures, and decoying your
+children's pocket-money,&mdash;turning benevolence into a house-tax, and
+making charity like the "Pipe-water." You remark, too, that the pretty
+women won't join these gangs at all. Now and then you may see one take
+out a letter of marque, and cruise for herself, but never in company.
+Seeing the importunity of these old damsels, I often wondered why the
+Government never thought of employing ladies as tax-collectors. He 'd be
+a hardy man who 'd make one or two I could mention call twice.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have been turning over in my mind what you said about Dodsborough; and
+though I don't like the notion of giving a lease, still it's possible we
+might do it without much danger. "He is an Englishman," you say, "that
+has never lived in Ireland." Now, my notion is, Tom, that if he be
+as old as you say, it's too late for him to try. They're a mulish,
+obstinate, unbending kind of people, these English; and wherever you
+see them, they never conform to the habits of the people. After thirty
+years' experience of Ireland, you'll hear them saying that they cannot
+accustom themselves to the "lies and the climate "! If I have heard that
+same remark once, I've heard it fifty times. And what does it amount to
+but a confession that they won't take the world as they find it. Ireland
+is rainy, there's no doubt, and Paddy is fond of telling you what he
+thinks is agreeable to you,&mdash;a kind of native courtesy, just like his
+offering you his potato when he knows in his heart that he can't spare
+it,&mdash;but he gives it, nevertheless.
+</p>
+<p>
+I 'd say, then, we might let him have Dodsborough, on the chance that he
+'d never stay six months there, and perhaps in the mean while we 'd find
+out another Manchester gentleman to succeed him. I remember poor old
+Dycer used to sell a little chestnut mare every Saturday,&mdash;nobody ever
+kept her a fortnight,&mdash;and when she died, by jumping over Bloody Bridge
+into the Liffey, and killed herself and her rider, Dycer said, "There's
+four-and-twenty pounds a year lost to <i>me,</i>"&mdash;and so it was too! Think
+over this, and tell me your mind on it.
+</p>
+<p>
+I believe I told you of the Polish Count that we took with us to
+Waterloo. I met him yesterday with my cloak on him; but really the
+number of my legal embroilments here is so great that I was shy of
+arresting him. We hear a great deal of talk about the partition of
+Poland, and there is an English lord keeps the subject for his own
+especial holdings forth; but I am convinced that the greatest evil
+of that nefarious act lies in having thrown all these Polish fellows
+broadcast over Europe. I wish it was a kingdom to-morrow, if they
+'d only consent to stay there. To be well rid of them and their
+sympathizers, whom I own I like even less, would be a great blessing
+just now. I wish the "Times" would stop blackguarding Louis Napoleon. If
+the French like being bullied, what is that to us? My own notion is that
+the people and their ruler are well met; besides, if we only reflect
+a little on it, we 'll see that anything is better for <i>us</i> than a
+Bourbon,&mdash;I don't care what branch! They are under too deep obligations
+to us, and have too often accepted of English hospitality, not to hate
+us; and hate us they do. I believe the first Frenchman that cherishes an
+undying animosity to England is your Legitimist; next to him comes the
+Orleanist.
+</p>
+<p>
+It's a strange thing, but the more I have to think of about my own
+affairs, and the worse they are going with me, the more my thoughts run
+after politics and the newspapers. I suppose that's all for the best,
+and that if people dwelled too much on their own troubles, their heads
+would n't stand it. You've seen a trick the horse jockeys have when a
+horse goes lame of one foot,&mdash;to pinch him a little with the shoe of the
+opposite one; and it's not bad philosophy to practise mentally, and you
+may preserve your equanimity just by putting on the load fairly. And
+so it is I try to divert my thoughts from mortgages, creditors, and
+Chancery, by wondering how the King of Naples will contrive to keep his
+throne, and how the Austrians will save themselves from bankruptcy! I
+know it would be more to the purpose if I turned my thoughts to getting
+Mary Anne married, and James into the Board of Trade; at least, so Mrs.
+D. tells me, and although she is always repeating the old saw about
+"marriages being made in heaven," she evidently does n't wish to give
+too much trouble in that quarter, and would like to lend a hand herself
+to the work.
+</p>
+<p>
+Jellicot has sent his clerk here to tell me that I have been pronounced
+"Contumacious," for not appearing somewhere, and before somebody that I
+never heard of! Egad! these kind of proceedings are scarcely calculated
+to develop the virtues of humanity! They sent me something I thought
+was a demand for a tax, and it turns out a judge's warrant; for aught I
+know, there may be an order to seize the body of Kenny James Dodd, and
+consign him to the dungeons of the Inquisition! Write to me at once,
+Tom, and above all don't forget the money.
+</p>
+<p>
+Yours, most faithfully,
+</p>
+<p>
+K. I. Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+Why does Molly Gallagher keep pestering me about Christy? She wants me
+to get him into the "Grand Canal." I wish they were both there, with all
+my heart.
+</p>
+<p>
+I open this to say that Vickars has just sent me a copy of his address
+to the "Independent Electors of Bruff." I'd like to see one of them,
+for the curiosity of the thing. He asks me to give him my opinion of the
+document, and the "benefit of my advice and counsel," as if I had not
+been reading the very same productions since I was a child. The very
+phraseology is unaltered. Why can't they hit on something new? He "hopes
+that he restores to them, unsullied, the high trust they had committed
+to his keeping." Egad! if he does so, he ought to get a patent for
+taking out spots, stains, and discolorations, for a dirtier garment than
+our representative mantle has been, would be hard to find. Like all our
+patriots that sit in Whig company, he is sorely puzzled between his love
+for Ireland and his regard for himself, and has to limit his political
+line to a number of vague threats about overgrown Church Establishments
+and Landlord tyranny, not being quite sure how far his friends in power
+are disposed to worry the Protestants and grind the gentry.
+</p>
+<p>
+Of course be batters up the pastors of the people; but he might as well
+leave <i>that</i> alone; the priests are too cunning for all that balderdash
+nowadays. They'll insist on something real, tangible, and substantial.
+What they say is this: "The landlords used to have it all their own
+way at one time. <i>Our</i> day is come now." And there they're right, Tom;
+there's no doubt of it. O'Connell said true when he told the English,
+"Ye're always abusing me,&mdash;and call me the 'curse of Ireland' and the
+destroyer of the public peace,&mdash;but wait a bit. I 'll not be five years
+in my grave till you 'd wish me back again." There never was anything
+more certain. So long as you had Dan to deal with, you could make your
+bargain,&mdash;it might be, it often was, a very hard one,&mdash;but when it was
+once made, he kept the terms fairly and honestly! But with whom will you
+treat <i>now?</i> Is it with M'Hale, or Paul Cullen, or Dr. Meyler? Sure each
+of them will demand separate and specific conditions, and you might as
+well try to settle the Caffre war by a compact with Sandilla, who, the
+moment he sells himself to you, enters into secret correspondence with
+his successor.
+</p>
+<p>
+I'm never so easy in my mind as when I see the English in a row with the
+Catholics. I don't care a brass farthing how much it may go against
+us at first,&mdash;how enthusiastically they may yell "No Popery," burn
+cardinals in effigy, and persecute the nuns. Give them rope enough, Tom,
+and see if they don't hang themselves! There never came a fit of rampant
+Protestantism in England that all the weak, rash, and ridiculous
+zealots did n't get to the head of the movement. Off they go at score,
+subsidizing renegade vagabonds of our Church to abuse us, raking up bad
+stories of conventual life, and attacking the confessional. There
+never were gulls like them! They swallow all the cases of cruelty
+and persecution at once,&mdash;they foster every scoundrel, if he's only
+a deserter from us,&mdash;ay, and they even take to their fireplaces the
+filthiest novels of Eugene Sue, if he only satisfies their rancorous
+hate of a Jesuit. And where does it end? I'll tell you. Their converts
+turn out to be scoundrels too infamous for common contact; their
+prosecutions fail,&mdash;why would n't they, when we get them up
+ourselves?&mdash;John Bull gets ashamed of himself; round comes the Press,
+and that's the moment when any young rising Catholic barrister in the
+House can make his own terms, whether it be to endow the true Church or
+to smash the false one!
+</p>
+<p>
+As for John Bull, he never can do mischief enough when he 's in a
+passion, but he's always ready to pay double the damage in the morning.
+And as for putting "salt on our tails," let him try it with the "Dove of
+Elphin," that 's all.
+</p>
+<p>
+I was forgetting to tell you that I sent back Vickars's address, only
+remarking that I was sorry not to know his sentiments about the Board of
+Trade. <i>Ver. sap.</i>
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0014"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER X. CAROLINE DODD TO MISS COX, AT MISS MINCING'S ACADEMY
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    BLACK ROCK, IRELAND.
+</h3>
+<p>
+My dear Miss Cox,&mdash;I have long hesitated and deliberated with myself
+whether it were not better to appear ungrateful for my silence, than by
+writing inflict you with a very tiresome, good-for-nothing epistle; and
+if I have now taken the worst counsel, it is because I prefer anything
+rather than seem forgetful of one to whom I owe so much as to my dear,
+kind governess. Were I only to tell you of our adventures and mishaps
+since we came abroad, there might, perhaps, be enough to fill half a
+dozen letters; but I greatly doubt if the theme would amuse you. You
+were always too good-natured to laugh at anything where there was even
+one single feature that suggested sorrow; and I grieve to say that,
+however ludicrously many of our accidents might read, there is yet mixed
+with them too much that is painful and distressing. You will say this is
+a very gloomy opening, and from one whom you had so often to chide
+for the wild gayety of her spirits; but so it is: I am sad enough
+now,&mdash;sadder than ever you wished to see me. It is not that I am not in
+the very midst of objects full of deep interest,&mdash;it is not that I do
+not recognize around me scenes, places, and names, all of which are
+imbued with great and stirring associations. I am neither indifferent
+nor callous, but I see everything through a false medium, and I hear
+everything with a perverted judgment; in a word, we seem to have come
+abroad, not to derive the advantages that might arise from new sources
+of knowledge in language, literature, and art, but to scramble for a
+higher social position,&mdash;to impose ourselves on the world for something
+that we have no pretension to, and to live in a way that we cannot
+afford. You remember us at Dodsborough,&mdash;how happy we were, how
+satisfied with the world; that is, with our world, for it was a
+very little one. We were not very great folk, but we had all the
+consideration as if we were; for there were none better off than
+ourselves, and few had so many opportunities of winning the attachment
+of all classes. Papa was always known as the very best of landlords,
+mamma had not her equal for charity and kindness, James was actually
+adored by the people, and I hesitate not to say that Mary Anne and
+myself were not friendless. There was a little daily round of duties
+that brought us all together in our cares and sympathies; for, however
+different our ages or tastes, we had but one class of subjects to
+discuss, and, happily, we saw them always with the same light and
+shadow. Our life was, in short, what fashionable people would have
+deemed a very vulgar, inglorious kind of existence; but it was full of
+pleasant little incidents, and a thousand little cares and duties, that
+gave it abundant variety and interest. I was never a quick scholar, as
+you know too well. I have tried my dear Miss Cox's patience sorely
+and often, but I loved my lessons; I loved those calm hours in the
+summer-house, with the perfume of the rose and the sweetbrier around
+us, and the hum of the bee mingling its song with my own not less drowsy
+French. That sweet "Telemachus," so easy and so softly sounding; that
+good Madame de Genlis, so simple-minded when she thought herself most
+subtle! Not less did I love the little old schoolroom of a winter's
+day, when the pattering rain streamed down the windows, and gave, by
+contrast, all the aspect of more comfort within. How pleasant was it, as
+we gathered round the turf fire, to think that we were surrounded with
+such appliances against gloomy hours,&mdash;the healthful exercise of happy
+minds! Ah, my dear Miss Cox, how often you told us to study hard, since
+that, once launched upon the great sea of life, the voyage would exact
+all our cares; and yet see, here am I upon that wide ocean, and already
+longing to regain the quiet little creek,&mdash;the little haven of rest that
+I quitted!
+</p>
+<p>
+I promised to be very candid with you, to conceal nothing whatever;
+but I did not remember that my confessions, to be thus frank, must
+necessarily involve me in remarks on others, in which I may be often
+unjust,&mdash;in which I am certain to be unwarranted,&mdash;since nothing in my
+position entitles me to be their censor. However, I will keep my pledge
+this once, and you will tell me afterwards if I should continue to
+observe it. And now to begin. We are living here as though we were
+people of vast fortune. We occupy the chief suite of apartments at the
+first hotel, and we have a carriage, with showy liveries, a courier, and
+are quite beset with masters of every language and accomplishment you
+can fancy,&mdash;expensive kind of people, whose very dress and style bespeak
+the terms on which their services are rendered. Our visitors are all
+titled: dukes, princes, and princesses shower amongst our cards. Our
+invitations are from the same class, and yet, my dear Miss Cox, we feel
+all the unreality of this high and stately existence. We look at each
+other and think of Dodsborough! We think of papa in his old fustian
+shooting-jacket, paying the laborers, and higgling about half a day to
+be stopped here, and a sack of meal to be deducted there. We think of
+mamma's injunctions to Darby Sloan about the price he is to get for the
+"boneens,"&mdash;have you forgotten our vernacular for little pigs?&mdash;and how
+much he must "be sure to ask" or the turkeys. We think of Mary Anne
+and myself taking our lesson from Mr. Delaney, and learning the
+Quad&mdash;drilles as he pronounced it, as the last new discovery of the
+dancing art, and dear James hammering away at the rule of three on an
+old slate, to try and qualify himself for the Board of Trade. And we
+remember the utter consternation of the household&mdash;the tumult dashed
+with a certain sense of pride&mdash;when some subaltern of the detachment
+at Bruff cantered up to the door and sent in his name! Dear me, how
+the little words 25th Regiment, or 91st, used to make our hearts beat,
+suggestive as they were of gay balls at the Town-hall with red-coated
+partners, the regimental band, and the colors tastefully festooning the
+whitewashed walls. And now, my dear Miss Sarah, we are actually ashamed
+of the contact with one of those whom once it was our highest glory to
+be acquainted with! You may remember a certain Captain Morris, who was
+stationed at Bruff,&mdash;dark, with very black eyes, and most beautiful
+teeth; he was very silent in company, and, indeed, we knew him but
+slightly, for he chanced to have some altercation with pa on the bench
+one day, and, as I hear he was all in the right, pa did not afterwards
+forgive him. Well, here he is now, having left the army,&mdash;I don't know
+if on half-pay, or sold out altogether,&mdash;but here he is, travelling for
+the benefit of his mother's health,&mdash;a very old and infirm lady, to whom
+he is dotingly attached. She fretted so much when she discovered that
+his regiment was ordered abroad to the Cape, that he had no other
+resource than to leave the service! He told me so himself.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I had nobody else in the world," said he, "who felt any interest in my
+fortunes; <i>she</i> had made a hundred sacrifices for me. It was but fair I
+should make one for <i>her</i>."
+</p>
+<p>
+He knew he was surrendering position and prospect forever,&mdash;that to him
+no career could ever open again; but he had placed a duty high above all
+considerations of self, and so he parted with comrades and pursuit,
+with everything that made up his hope and his object, and descended to a
+little station of unobtrusive, undistinguished humility, satisfied to be
+the companion of a poor, feeble old lady! He has as much as confessed to
+me that their means are very small. It was an accidental admission with
+reference to something he thought of doing, but which he found to be too
+expensive; and the avowal was made so easily, so frankly, so free from
+any false shame on one side, or any unworthy desire to entrap sympathy
+on the other! It was as if he spoke of something which indeed concerned
+him, but in no wise gave the mainspring to his thoughts or actions! He
+came to visit us here; but his having left the service, coupled with our
+present taste for grand acquaintance, were so little in his favor that
+I believed he would not have repeated his call. An accidental service,
+however, that he was enabled to render mamma and Mary Anne at a railroad
+station the other day, and where but for him they might have been
+involved in considerable difficulties, has opened a chance of further
+intimacy, for he has already been here two mornings, and is coming this
+evening to tea.
+</p>
+<p>
+You will, perhaps, ask me how and by what chain of circumstances Captain
+Morris is linked with the earlier portion of this letter, and I will
+tell you. It was from him that I learned the history of those high and
+distinguished individuals by whom we are surrounded; from him I heard
+that, supposing us to be people of immense wealth, a whole web of
+intrigue has been spun around us, and everything that the ingenuity and
+craft of the professional adventurer could devise put in requisition to
+trade upon our supposed affluence and inexperience! He has told me of
+the dangerous companions by whom James is surrounded; and if he has
+not spoken so freely about a certain young nobleman&mdash;Lord George
+Tiverton&mdash;who is now seldom or never out of the house, it is because
+that they have had something of a personal difference,&mdash;a serious one,
+I suspect, and which Captain Morris seems to reckon as a bar to anything
+beyond the merest mention of his name. It is not impossible, too, that
+though he might not make any revelations to <i>me</i> on such a theme, he
+would be less guarded with papa or James. Whatever may be the fact, he
+does not advance at all in the good graces of the others. Mamma
+calls him a dry crust,&mdash;a confirmed old bachelor. Mary Anne and Lord
+George&mdash;for they are always in partnership in matters of opinion&mdash;have
+set him down as a "military prig;" and papa, who is rarely unjust in the
+long run, says that "there 's no guessing at the character of a fellow
+of small means, who never goes in debt" This may or may not be true;
+but it is certainly hard to condemn him for an honorable trait, simply
+because it does not give the key to his nature. And now, my last hope
+is what James may think of him, for as yet they have not met. I think
+I hear you echo my words, "And why your 'last hope,' Miss Cary? What
+possible right have you to express yourself in these terms?" Simply
+because I feel that one man of true and honorable sentiments, one
+right-judging, right-feeling gentleman, is all-essential to us abroad!
+and if we reject this chance, I 'm not so sure we shall meet with
+another.
+</p>
+<p>
+How ashamed I am not to be able to tell you of all I have seen! But so
+it is,&mdash;description is a very tame performance in good hands; it is a
+lamentable exhibition in weak ones! As to painters, I prefer Vandyk to
+Rubens; not that I have even the pretence of a reason for my criticism.
+I know nothing, whatever, of what constitutes excellence in color,
+drawing, or design. I understand in a picture only what it suggests to
+my own mind, either as a correct copy of nature, or as originating new
+trains of thought, new sources of feeling; and by these tests Vandyk
+pleases me more than his master. But, shall I own it, there is a class
+of pictures of a far inferior order that gives me greater enjoyment than
+either, I meau those scenes of real life, those representations of some
+little uneventful incident of the every-day world,&mdash;an old chemist
+at work in his dim old laboratory; an old house Vrow knitting in her
+red-tiled chamber, the sunlight slanting in, and tipping with an azure
+tint the tortoiseshell cat that purrs beside her; a lover teaching
+his mistress the guitar; an old cavalier giving his horse a drink at a
+fountain. These, in all the lifelike power of Gerard Dow, Teerburgh, or
+Mieris, have a charm for me I cannot express. They are stories, and they
+are better than stories; for oftentimes the writer conveys his meaning
+imperfectly, and oftentimes he overlays you with his explanations,
+stifling within you those expansive bursts of sentiment that ought to
+have been his aim to evoke, and thus, by elaborating, he obliterates.
+Now, your artist&mdash;I mean, of course, your great artist&mdash;is eminently
+suggestive. He gives you but one scene, it is true, but how full is it
+of the past, and the future too! Can you gaze on that old alchemist,
+with his wrinkled forehead, and dim, deep-set eyes, his threadbare
+doublet, and his fingers tremulous from age? Can you watch that
+countenance, calm but careworn, where every line exhibits the long
+struggle there has been between the keen perceptions of science and the
+golden dreams of enthusiasm, where the coldest passions of a worldly
+nature have warred with the most glorious attributes of a poetic
+temperament? Can you see him, as he sits watching the alembic wherein
+the toil of years is bubbling, and not weave within your own mind the
+life-long conflict he has sustained? Have you him not before you in his
+humble home, secluded and forgotten of men, yet inhabiting a dream-world
+of crowded images? What beautiful stories&mdash;what touching little episodes
+of domestic life&mdash;lie in the quiet scenes of those quaint interiors;
+and how deep the charm that attaches one to these peaceful spots of home
+happiness! The calm intellectuality of the old, the placid loveliness
+of the young, the air of cultivated enjoyment that pervades all, are in
+such perfect keeping that you feel as though they imparted to yourself
+some share of that gentle, tranquil pleasure that forms their own
+atmosphere!
+</p>
+<p>
+Oh, my dear Miss Cox! if there be "sermons in stones," there are
+romances in pictures,&mdash;and romances far more truthful than the
+circulating libraries supply us with. And, to turn back to real life,
+shall I own to you that I am sadly disappointed with the gay world? I am
+fully alive to all the value of the confession. I appreciate perfectly
+how double-edged is the weapon of this admission, and that I am in
+reality but pleading guilty to my own unfitness for its enjoyments; but
+as I never tried to evade or deny that fact, I may be suffered to give
+my testimony with so much of qualification. When I compare the little
+gratification that society confers on the very highest classes, with the
+heartfelt delight intercourse imparts to the humble, I am at a loss
+to see wherein lies the advantage of all the exclusive regulations of
+fashionable life. Of one thing I feel assured, and that is, that one
+must be bora in a certain class, habituated from the earliest years to
+its ideas and habits, filled with its peculiar traditions, and animated
+by its own special hopes, to conform gracefully and easily to its laws.
+<i>We</i> go into society to perform a part,&mdash;just as artificial a one as any
+in a genteel comedy,&mdash;and consequently are too much occupied with
+"our character" to derive that benefit from intercourse which is so
+attainable by those less constrained by circumstances. If all this
+amounts to the simple confession that I am by no means at home in the
+great world, and far more at my ease with more humble associates, it is
+no more than the fact, and comes pretty near to what you often remarked
+to me,&mdash;that "in criticising external objects one is very frequently but
+delineating little traits and lineaments of one's own nature."
+</p>
+<p>
+I am unable to answer your question about our future plans; for, indeed,
+they appear anything but fixed. I believe if papa had his choice he
+would go back at once.
+</p>
+<p>
+This, however, mamma will not hear of; and, indeed, the word Ireland is
+now as much under ban amongst us as that name that is never "syllabled
+to ears polite." The doctors say James ought to pass a month or six
+weeks at Schwalbach, to drink the waters and take the baths; and,
+from what I can learn, the place is the perfection of rural beauty and
+quietude. Captain Morris speaks of it as a little paradise. He is going
+there himself; for I have learned&mdash;though not from him&mdash;that he was
+badly wounded in the Afghan war. I will write to you whenever our
+destination is decided on; and, meanwhile, beg you to believe me my dear
+Miss Cox's
+</p>
+<p>
+Most attached and faithful pupil,
+</p>
+<p>
+Caroline Dodd.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0015"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XI. MR. DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+</h2>
+<p>
+Dear Tom,&mdash;I got the bills all safe, and cashed two of them yesterday.
+They came at the right moment,&mdash;when does not money?&mdash;for we are going
+to leave this for Germany, one of the watering-places there, the name
+of which I cannot trust myself to spell, being recommended for James's
+wound. I suppose I 'm not singular, but somehow I never was able to
+compute what I owed in a place till I was about to leave it. From that
+moment, however, in come a shower of bills and accounts that one never
+dreamed of. The cook you discharged three months before has never paid
+for the poultry, and you have as many hens to your score as if you were
+a fox. You 've lost the fishmonger's receipts, and have to pay him over
+again for a whole Lent's consumption. Your courier has run up a bill
+in your name for cigars and curaçoa, and your wife's maid has been
+conducting the most liberal operations in perfumery and cosmetics, under
+the title of her mistress. Then comes the landlord, for repairs and
+damages. Every creaky sofa and cracked saucer that you have been
+treating for six months with the deference due to their delicate
+condition must be replaced by new ones. Every window that would n't
+shut, and every door that would not open, must be put in perfect order;
+keys replaced, bells rehung. The saucepans, whose verdigris has almost
+killed you with colic, must be all retinned or coppered; and, lastly,
+the pump is sure to be destroyed by the housemaid, and vague threats
+about sinking a new well are certain to draw you into a compromise. Nor
+is the roguery the worst of it; but all the sneaking scoundrels that
+would n't "trouble you with their little demands" before, stand out now
+as sturdy creditors that would not abate a jot of their claims. Lucky
+are ye if they don't rake up old balances, and begin the score with
+"<i>Restant du dernier compte</i>."
+</p>
+<p>
+The moralists say that a man should be enabled to visit the world after
+his death, if he would really know the opinion entertained of him by
+his fellows. Until this desirable object be attainable, one ought to be
+satisfied with the experience obtained by change of residence. There is
+no disguise, no concealment then! The little blemishes of your temper,
+once borne with such Christian charity, are remembered in a more
+chastening spirit; and it is half hinted that your custom was more than
+compensated for by your complaining querulousness. Is not the moral
+of all this that one should live at home, in his own place, where his
+father lived before him, and his son will live after him; where the
+tradespeople have a vested interest in your welfare, and are nearly as
+anxious about your wheat and potatoes as you are yourself? Unlike
+these foreign rascals, that think you have a manufactory of "Hemes and
+Farquhar's circular notes," and can coin at will, your neighbors know
+when and at what times it's no use to tease you,&mdash;that asking for money
+at the wrong season is like expecting new peas in December, or grouse in
+the month of May.
+</p>
+<p>
+I make these remarks in all the spirit of recent suffering, for I have
+paid away two hundred pounds since yesterday morning, of which I was
+not conscious that I owed fifty. And, besides, I have gone through more
+actual fighting&mdash;in the way of bad language, I mean&mdash;than double the
+money would repay me for. In these wordy combats, I feel I always come
+off worst; for as my knowledge of the language is limited, I 'm like
+the sailor that for want of ammunition crammed in whatever he could lay
+hands on into his gun, and fired off his bag of doubloons against the
+enemy instead of round shot. Mrs. D., too, whom the sounds of conflict
+always "summon to the field," does not improve matters; for if
+her vocabulary be limited, it is strong, and even the most roguish
+shopkeeper does not like to be called a thief and a highwayman! These
+diversions in our parts of speech have cost me dearly, for I have had
+to compromise about six cases of "defamation," and two of threatened
+assault and battery, though these last went no further than
+demonstrations on Mrs. D.'s part, which, however, were quite sufficient
+to terrify our grocer, who is a colonel in the National Guard, and a
+gigantic hairdresser, whose beard is the glory of a "<i>Sapeur</i> company."
+I have discovered, besides, that I have done something, but what it
+is&mdash;in contravention to the laws&mdash;I do not know, and for which I am
+fined eighty-two francs five centimes, plus twenty-seven for contumacy;
+and I have paid it now, lest it should grow into more by to-morrow,
+for so the Brigadier has just hinted to me; for that formidable
+functionary&mdash;with tags that would do credit to a general&mdash;is just come
+to "invite me," as he calls it, to the Prefecture. As these invitations
+are like royal ones, I must break off now abruptly.
+</p>
+<p>
+Here I am again, Tom, after four hours of ante-chamber and audience. I
+had been summoned to appear before the authorities to purge myself of a
+contempt,&mdash;for which, by the way, they had already fined me; my offence
+being that I had not exchanged some bit of paper for another bit of
+paper given me in exchange for my passport, the purport of which was to
+show that I, Kenny Dodd, was living openly and flagrantly in the city
+of Brussels, and not following out any clandestine pursuit or object
+injurious to the state, and subversive of the monarchy. Well, I hope
+they 're satisfied now; and if my eighty-two francs five centimes gave
+any stability to their institutions, much good may it do them! This,
+however, seems but the beginning of new troubles; for on my applying to
+have the aforesaid passport <i>vised</i> for Germany, they told me that
+there were two "detainers" on it, in the shape of two actions at law yet
+undecided, although I yesterday morning paid up what I understood to be
+the last instalment for compromising all suits now pending against said
+Kenny I. Dodd. On hearing this, I at once set out for the tribunal to
+see Vanhoegen and Draek, my chief lawyers. Such a place as the tribunal
+you never set eyes on. Imagine a great quadrangle, with archways all
+round crammed full of dirty advocates,&mdash;black-gowned, black-faced, and
+black-hearted; peasants, thieves, jailers, tip-staffs, and the general
+public of fruit-sellers and lucifer-matches all mixed up together,
+with a turmoil and odor that would make you hope Justice was as little
+troubled with nose as eyesight. Over the heads of this mob you catch
+glimpses of the several courts, where three old fellows, like the
+figures in a Holbein, sit behind a table covered with black cloth,
+administering the law,&mdash;a solemn task that loses some of its imposing
+influence when you think that these reverend seigniors, if wanting in
+the wisdom, are not free from one of the weaknesses of Bacon! By dint of
+great pressing, pushing, and perseverance, I forced my way forward into
+one of these till I reached a strong wooden rail, or barrier, within
+which was an open space, where the accused sat on a kind of bench, the
+witness under examination being opposite to him, and the procureur hard
+by in a little box like a dwarf pulpit I thought I saw Draek in the
+crowd, but I was mistaken,&mdash;an easy matter, they all look so much
+alike. Once in, however, I thought I 'd remain for a while and see the
+proceedings. It was a trial for murder, as well as I could ascertain
+the case. The prisoner, a gentlemanlike young fellow of six or seven and
+twenty, had stabbed another in some fit of jealousy. I believe they were
+at supper, or were going to sup together when the altercation occurred.
+There was a waiter in the witness-box giving evidence when I came up;
+and really the tone of deference he exhibited to the prisoner, and the
+prisoner's own off-hand, easy way of interrogating him, were greatly to
+be admired. It was easy to see that he had got many a half-crown from
+the accused, and had not given up hope of many more in future. His chief
+evidence was to the effect that Monsieur de Verteuil, the accused, had
+ordered a supper for two in a private room, the bill of fare offering a
+wide field for discussion, one of the points of the case being whether
+the guest who should partake of the repast was a lady or the deceased;
+and this the advocates on each side handled with wonderful dexterity, by
+inferences drawn from the <i>carte</i>. You see, Verteuil's counsel wanted
+to show that Bretigny was an intruder, and had forced himself into the
+company of the accused. The opposite side were for implying that he came
+there on invitation, and was murdered of malice aforethought I don't
+think the point would have been so very material with us; or, at all
+events, that we should have tried to elicit it in this manner; but they
+have their own way of doing things, and I suppose they know what suits
+them. After half an hour's very animated skirmishing, the president,
+with a sudden flash of intelligence, bethought him of asking the accused
+for whom he bespoke the entertainment.
+</p>
+<p>
+"You must excuse me, Monsieur le Président," said he, blandly; "but I 'm
+sure that your nice sense of honor will show that I cannot answer your
+question."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Très bien, très bien," rang through the crowded court, in approbation
+of this chivalrous speech, and one young lady from the gallery flung
+down her bouquet of moss-roses to the prisoner, in token of her
+enthusiastic concurrence. The delicate reserve of the accused seemed to
+touch every one. Husbands and wives, sons and daughters, all appeared
+to feel that they had a vested interest in the propagation of such
+principles; and the old judge who had propounded the ungracious
+interrogatory really seemed ashamed of himself.
+</p>
+<p>
+The waiter soon after this retired, and what the newspapers next day
+called a <i>sensation prononcée</i> was caused by the entrance of a very
+handsome and showy-looking young lady,&mdash;no less a personage than
+Mademoiselle Catinka Lovenfeld, the prima donna of the opera, and the
+Dido of this unhappy Æneid. With us, the admiration of a pretty witness
+is always a very subdued homage; and even the reporters do not like
+venturing beyond the phrase, "here a person of prepossessing appearance
+took her place on the table." They are very superior to us here,
+however, for the buzz of admiration swelled from the lowest benches
+till it rose to the very judicial seat itself, and the old president,
+affecting to look at his notes, wiped his glasses afresh, and took a sly
+peep at the beauty, like the rest of us.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though, as Macheath says, "Laws were made for every degree," the mode of
+examining witnesses admits of considerable variety. The interrogatories
+were now no longer jerked out with abruptness; the questions were not
+put with the categorical sternness of that frowning aspect which, be
+the lawyer Belgian, French, or Irish, seems an instinct with him; on
+the contrary, the pretty witness was invited to tell her name, she was
+wheedled out of her birthplace coaxed out of her peculiar religious
+profession, and joked into saying something about her age.
+</p>
+<p>
+I must say, if she had rehearsed the part as often as she had that of
+Norma, she couldn't be more perfect. Her manner was the triumph of ease
+and grace. There was an almost filial deference for the bench, an air
+of respectful attention for the bar, courtesy for the jury, and a most
+touching shade of compassion for the prisoner, and all this done without
+the slightest seeming effort. I do not pretend to know what others felt;
+but as for me, I paid very little attention to the matter, so much more
+did the manner of the inquiry engage me: still, I heard that she was a
+Saxon by birth, of noble parentage, born with the highest expectations,
+but ruined by the attachment of her father to the cause of the Emperor
+Napoleon. The animation with which she alluded to this parental trait
+elicited a most deafening burst of applause, and the tip-staff, a
+veteran of the Imperial Guard, was carried out senseless, overcome by
+his emotions. Ah, Tom! we have nothing like this in England, and strange
+enough that they should have it here; but the fact is, these Belgians
+are only "second-chop" Frenchmen,&mdash;a kind of weak "after grass," with
+only the weeds luxuriant! It's pretty much as with ourselves,&mdash;the
+people that take a loan of a language never take a lease of the
+traditions! They catch up just some popular clap-traps of the mother
+country, but there ends the relationship!
+</p>
+<p>
+But to come back to Mademoiselle Catinka. She now had got into a little
+narrative of her youth, in some old chateau on the Elbe, which held the
+Court breathless; to be sure, it had not a great deal to do with the
+case in hand; but no matter for that: a more artless, gifted, lovely,
+and loving creature than she appeared to have been never existed. On
+this last attribute she laid considerable stress. There was, I think, a
+little rhetorical art in the confession; for certainly a young lady who
+loved birds, flowers, trees, water, clouds, and mountains so devotedly,
+might possibly have a spare corner for something else; and even the old
+judge could n't tell if he had not chanced on the lucky ticket in that
+lottery. I wish I could have heard the case out; I'd have given a great
+deal to see how they linked all that Paul and Virginia life with
+the bloody drama they were there to investigate, and what possible
+connection existed between Heck's romances and sticking a man with a
+table-knife. This gratification was, however, denied me; for just as I
+was listening with my greediest ears, Vanhoegen placed his hand on my
+shoulder, and whispered, "Come along&mdash;don't lose a minute&mdash;<i>your</i> cause
+is on!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"What do you mean? Have n't I compro&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Hush!" said he, warningly; "respect the majesty of the law."
+</p>
+<p>
+"With all my heart; but what's <i>my</i> cause?&mdash;what do you mean by <i>my</i>
+cause?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"It's no time for explanation," said he, hurrying me along; "the judges
+are in chamber,&mdash;you'll soon hear all about it."
+</p>
+<p>
+He said truly; it was neither the fitting time nor place for much
+converse, for we had to fight our way through a crowd that was every
+moment increasing; and it took at least twenty minutes of struggle and
+combat to get out, my coat being slit up to the collar, and my friend's
+gown being reduced to something like bell-ropes.
+</p>
+<p>
+He did n't seem to think much about his damaged costume, but still
+dragged me along, across a courtyard, up some very filthy stairs, down
+a dark corridor, then up another flight, and, passing into a large
+ante-room, where a messenger was seated in a kind of glass cage, he
+pushed aside a heavy curtain of green baize, and we found ourselves in
+a court, which, if not crowded like that below, was still sufficiently
+filled, and by persons of respectable exterior. There was a dead silence
+as we entered. The three judges were examining their notes, and handing
+papers back and forward to each other in dumb show. The procureur
+was picking his teeth with a paper-knife, and the clerk of the court
+munching a sandwich, which he held in his hat. Vanhoegen, however,
+brushed forward to a prominent place, and beckoned me to a seat beside
+him. I had but time to obey, when the clerk, seeing us in our places,
+bolted down an enormous mouthful, and, with an effort that nearly choked
+him, cried ont, "L'affaire de Dodd fils est en audience." My heart
+drooped as I heard the words. The "affaire de Dodd fils" could mean
+nothing but that confounded duel of which I have already told you. All
+the misfortune and all the criminality seemed to fall upon us. For at
+least four times a week I was summoned somewhere or other, now before a
+civil, now a military auditor; and though I swore repeatedly that I knew
+nothing about the matter till it was all over, they appeared to think
+that if I was well tortured, I might make great revelations. They were
+not quite wrong in their calculations. I would have turned "approver"
+against my father rather than gone on in this fashion. But the
+difficulty was, I had really nothing to tell. The little I knew had
+been obtained from others. Lord George had told me so much as I was
+acquainted with; and, from my old habits of the bench at home, I was
+well aware that such could not be admitted as evidence.
+</p>
+<p>
+Still it was their good pleasure to pursue me with warrants and
+summonses, and there was nothing for it but to appear when and wherever
+they wanted me.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Is this confounded affair the cause of my passport being detained?"
+whispered I to Van.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Precisely," said he; "and if not very dexterously handled, the expense
+may be enormous."
+</p>
+<p>
+I almost lost all self-possession at these words. I had been a mark for
+legal pillage and robbery from the first moment of my arrival, and it
+seemed as if they would not suffer me to leave the country while I had
+a Napoleon remaining. Stung nearly to madness, I resolved to make one
+desperate effort at rescue, and, like some of those woebegone creatures
+in our own country who insist on personal appeals to a Chief Justice,
+I called, "Monsieur le Président&mdash;" There, however, my French left me,
+and, after a terrible struggle to get on, I had to continue my address
+in the vernacular.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Who is this man?" asked he, sternly.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Dodd père, Monsieur le Président," interposed my lawyer, who seemed
+most eager to save me from the consequences of my rashness.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Ah! he is Dodd père," said the president, solemnly; and now he and
+his two colleagues adjusted their spectacles, and gazed at me long and
+attentively; in fact, with such earnestness did they stare that I
+began to feel my character of Dodd père was rather an imposing kind of
+performance. "Enfin," said the president, with a faint sigh, as though
+the reasoning process had been rather a fatiguing one,&mdash;"enfin! Dodd
+père is the father of Dodd fils, the respondent."
+</p>
+<p>
+Vanhoegen bowed submissive assent, and muttered, as I thought, some
+little flattery about the judicial acuteness and perspicuity.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Let him be sworn," said the president; and accordingly I held up my
+hand, while the clerk recited something with a humdrum rapidity that I
+guessed must mean an oath.
+</p>
+<p>
+"You are called Dodd père?" said the Attorney-General, addressing me.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I find I am so called here, but I never was so before," said I, tartly.
+</p>
+<p>
+"He means that the appellation is not usual in his own country," said
+one of the judges,&mdash;a small, red-eyed man, with pock-marks.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Put it down," observed the president, gravely. "The witness informs us
+that he is only called Dodd."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Kenny James Dodd, Monsieur," cried I, interrupting.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Dodd&mdash;dit Kenny James," dictated the small judge; and the amanuensis
+took it down.
+</p>
+<p>
+"And you swear you are the father of Dodd fils?" asked the president.
+</p>
+<p>
+I suppose that the adage of a wise child knowing his own father cuts
+both ways; but I answered boldly, that I 'd swear to the best of
+my belief,&mdash;a reservation, however, that excited a discussion of
+three-quarters of an hour, the point being at last ruled in my favor.
+</p>
+<p>
+I am bound to say that there was a great deal of legal learning
+displayed in the controversy,&mdash;a vast variety of authorities cited,
+from King David downwards; and although at one time matters seemed going
+against me, the red-eyed man turned the balance in my favor, and it was
+agreed that I was the father of my own son. If I knew but all, it might
+have been better for me there had been a hitch in the case. But I am
+anticipating.
+</p>
+<p>
+There now arose another dispute, on a point of law, I believe, and which
+was, what degree of responsibility&mdash;there were fourteen degrees, it
+seems, in the Pandects&mdash;I stood in as regarded the present suit. From
+the turn the debate took, I began to suspect we might all of us have
+to plead to our responsibilities in the other world ere it could be
+finished; but the red-eyed man, who seemed the shrewdest of them all,
+cut the matter short by proposing that I should be invited&mdash;that's the
+phrase&mdash;to say so much as I pleased in the question before the Court.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Yes, yes," assented the president. "Let him relate the affair." And the
+whole bar and the audience seemed to reecho the words.
+</p>
+<p>
+You know me well, Tom, and you can vouch for it that I never had any
+objection to telling a story. It was, in truth, a kind of weakness with
+me, and some used to say that I was getting into the habit of telling
+the same ones too often. Be that as it may, I never was accused of
+relating a garbled, broken, and disjointed tale, and for the honor of my
+anecdotic powers, I resolved not to do so.
+</p>
+<p>
+"My Lord," said I, "I 'm like the knife-grinder,&mdash;I have no story!"
+</p>
+<p>
+Bad luck to my illustration, it took half an hour to show that my
+identity was not somehow mixed up with a wheel and a grinding-stone!
+</p>
+<p>
+"Let him relate the affair," said the president, once more; and this
+time his voice and manner both proclaimed that his patience was not to
+be trifled with.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Relate what?" asked I, tartly.
+</p>
+<p>
+"All that you know,&mdash;anything you have heard," whispered Van, who was
+trembling for my rashness.
+</p>
+<p>
+"My Lord," said I, "of myself I know nothing; I was in bed all the
+time."
+</p>
+<p>
+"He was in bed all the time," said the president to the others.
+</p>
+<p>
+"In bed," said red eyes; "let us see;" and he turned over a file of
+documents before him for several minutes. "Dodd père swears that he was
+in bed from the 7th of February, which is the first entry here, to the
+19th of May, inclusive."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I swear no such thing, my Lord," cried I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"What does he swear, then?" asked the small judge.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Let us hear his own version; tell us unreservedly all that you
+know," said the president, who really spoke as if he compassionated my
+embarrassment.
+</p>
+<p>
+"My Lord," said I, "there is nothing would give me more pleasure than to
+display the candor you require; but when I assure you that I actually
+know nothing&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Know nothing, sir!" interposed the president. "Do you mean to tell this
+Court that you are, and were, in total ignorance of every part of your
+son's conduct,&mdash;that you never heard of his difficulties, nor of his
+efforts to meet them?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"If hearsay be sufficient, then," said I, "you shall have it;" and so,
+taking a long breath, for I saw a weary road before me, I began thus,
+the amanuensis occasionally begging of me a slight halt to keep up:&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"It was about five or six weeks ago, my Lord, we&mdash;that is, Mrs. D., the
+girls, James, and myself&mdash;made an excursion to the field of Waterloo,
+filled by the very natural desire to see a spot so intimately associated
+with our country's glory. I will not weary you with any detail of
+disappointment, nor deplore the total absence of everything that could
+revive recollections of that great day. In fact, except the big lion
+with his tail between his legs, there is nothing symbolic of the nations
+engaged."
+</p>
+<p>
+I waited a moment here, Tom, to see how they took this; but they never
+winced, and so I perceived my shell exploded harmlessly.
+</p>
+<p>
+"We prowled about, my Lord, for two or three hours, and at last reached
+Hougoumont, in time to take shelter against a tremendous storm which
+just then broke over us; and there it was that James accidentally came
+in contact with the young gentleman whom I may not wrongfully call the
+cause of all our misfortunes. It would appear that they began discussing
+the battle, with all the natural prejudices of the two conflicting
+sides. I will not affirm that James was very well read on the subject;
+indeed, my impression is that his stock of information was principally
+derived from a representation he had witnessed by an equestrian troop
+at home, and where Bony, after galloping twice round the circus, throws
+himself on his knees and begs for mercy,&mdash;a fact so strongly impressed
+upon his memory that he insisted the Frenchman should receive it as
+historical. The dispute, it would seem, was not conducted within the
+legitimate limits of debate; they waxed angry, and the Frenchman, after
+a fierce provocation, set off into the thickest of the storm rather than
+endure the further discussion."
+</p>
+<p>
+"This seems to me, sir," interposed the president, "to be perfectly
+irrelevant to the matter before us. The Court accords the very widest
+latitude to explanations, but if they really have no bearing on the
+case in hand,&mdash;if, as it appears to my learned brethren and myself,
+this polemic on a battle has no actual connection with your son's
+difficulties&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"It's the very source and origin of them, my Lord," broke I in. "He has
+no embarrassment which does not date from that incident and that hour."
+</p>
+<p>
+"In that case you may proceed, sir," said he, blandly; and I went on.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I do not mean to say, my Lord, that all that followed was inevitable;
+nor that, with cooler heads and calmer tempers, the whole affair could
+not have been arranged; but James is hot, mighty hot,&mdash;the Celt is
+strong in him. He really likes a 'shindy,' not like some chaps for the
+notoriety of it,&mdash;not because it gets into the newspapers, and makes a
+noise,&mdash;but he likes it for itself, and for its own intrinsic merits,
+as one might say. And I may remark here, my Lord, that the Irishman is,
+perhaps, the only man in Europe that understands fighting in this sense;
+and this trait, if rightly considered, will give a strong clew to our
+national character, and will explain the general failure of all our
+attempts at revolution. We take so much diversion in a row that we quite
+forget it's only the means to an end. We have, so to say, so much fun on
+the road that we lose sight of the place we were going to.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I don't know, Tom, how much further I might have gone on in my
+analytical researches into our national character; but the interpreter
+cut me short, by assuring the Court that he was totally unable to follow
+me. In the narrative parts of my discourse he was good enough; but it
+seemed that my reflections, and my general remarks on men and manners,
+were a cut above him. I was therefore warned to 'try back' to the line
+of my story, which I did accordingly.
+</p>
+<p>
+"As for the affair itself, my Lord," resumed I, "I understand from
+eyewitnesses that it was most respectably and discreetly conducted.
+James was put up with his face to the west, so that Roger had the sun on
+him. The tools were beauties. It was a fine May morning, mellow, and not
+too bright. There was nothing wanting to make the scene impressive,
+and, I may add, instructive. Roger's friend gave the word&mdash;one, two,
+three&mdash;bang went both pistols together, and poor James received the
+other's fire just here,&mdash;between the bone and the artery, so Seutin
+described it,&mdash;a critical spot, I'm sure."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Dodd père," said the president, solemnly, "you are trifling with
+the patience of the tribunal!" A grave edict, which the other judges
+responded to by a majestic inclination of the bead.
+</p>
+<p>
+"If you are not," resumed he, slowly, and with great emphasis,&mdash;"if you
+are not a man of weak intellects and deficient reasoning powers, the
+conduct you have pursued is inexcusable,&mdash;it is a high contempt!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"And we shall teach you, sir," said the red-eyed, "that no pretence of
+national eccentricity can weigh against the claims of insulted justice."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Ay, sir," chimed in number three, who had not spoken before, "and
+we shall let you feel that the majesty of the law in this country is
+neither to be assailed by covert impertinence nor cajoled by assumed
+ignorance."
+</p>
+<p>
+"My Lords," said I, "all this rebuke is a riddle to me. You asked me to
+tell you a story; and if it be not a very connected and consistent one,
+the fault is not mine."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Let him stand committed for contempt," said the president. "The Petits
+Carmes may teach him decorum."
+</p>
+<p>
+Now, Tom, the Petite Carmes is Newgate, no less! and you may imagine my
+feelings at this announcement, particularly as I saw the clerk busily
+taking down, from dictation, a little history of my offence and its
+penalty. I turned to look for Van in my sore distress, and there he was,
+searching the volumes, briefs, and records, to find, as he afterwards
+said, "some clew to what I had been saying."
+</p>
+<p>
+"By Heaven!" cried I, losing all patience, "this is too bad. You urge
+me into a long account of what I know nothing, and then to rescue <i>your</i>
+own ignorance, you declare <i>me</i> impertinent. There is not a lawyer's
+clerk in Ireland, there is no pettifogging practitioner for half-crown
+fees, there's not a brat that carries a blue bag down the Bachelor's
+Walk, could n't teach you all three. You go through some of the forms,
+but you know nothing of the facts of justice. You sit up there, like
+three stucco-men in mourning,&mdash;a perfect mockery of&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+I was not suffered to finish, Tom, for, at a signal from the president,
+two gendarmes seized me on either side, and, notwithstanding some
+demonstrations of resistance, led me off to prison. Ay, I must write the
+word again&mdash;to prison! Kenny, I, Dodd, of Dod s borough, Justice of
+the Peace, and chairman of the Union of Bruff, committed to jail like a
+common felon!
+</p>
+<a name="image-0005"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/142.jpg" height="563" width="676"
+alt="142
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+I 'm sorry I suffered my feelings to get the better&mdash;perhaps I ought to
+say the worse&mdash;of me. Now that it's all over, it were better that I had
+not knocked down the turnkey, and kicked Vanhoegen out of my cell. It
+would have been both more discreet and more decorous, to have submitted
+patiently. I know it's what <i>you</i> would have done, Tom, and trusted
+to your action for damages to indemnify you; but I'm hasty, that's the
+fact; and if I wanted to deny it, the state of the jailer's nose, and
+my own sprained thumb, would give evidence against me. But are there
+no allowances to be made for the provocation? Perhaps not for a simple
+assault; but if I had killed the turnkey, I'm certain the jury would
+discover the "circonstances atténuantes."
+</p>
+<p>
+Partly out of respect to my own feelings, partly out of regard to yours,
+I have not put the words "Petits Carmes" at the top of this letter; but
+truth will out, Tom, and the real fact is that I date the present from
+cell No. 65, in the common prison of Brussels! Is not that a pretty
+confession? Is not that a new episode in this Iliad of enjoyment,
+cultivation, and Heaven knows what besides, that Mrs. D. projected by
+our tour on the Continent? But I swear to you, solemnly, as I write
+this, that, if I live to get back, I'll expose the whole system of
+foreign travel. I don't think I could write a book, and it's hard
+nowadays to find a chap to put down one's own sentiments fairly and
+honestly, neither overlaying them with bits of poetry, nor explaining
+them away by any garbage of his own; so that, maybe, I'll not be able to
+come out hot-pressed and lettered; but if the worst comes to it, I 'll
+go about the country giving lectures. I 'll hire an organ-man to play at
+intervals, and I 'll advertise, "Kenny Dodd on Men and Manners
+abroad&mdash;Evenings with Frenchmen, and Nights with Distinguished
+Belgians." I'll show up their cookery, their morals, their modesty,
+their sense of truth, and their notions of justice. And though I well
+know that I 'll expose myself to the everlasting hate of a legion of
+hairdressers, dancing-masters, and white-mice men, I'll do it as sure as
+I live. I have heard you and Peter Belton wax warm and eloquent about
+the disgrace to our laws in permitting every kind of quackery to prevail
+unhindered; but what quackery was ever the equal to this taste for the
+Continent? If people ate Morison's pills like green peas, they would n't
+do themselves as much moral injury as by a month abroad! And if I were
+called before a committee of the House to declare, on my conscience,
+what I deemed the most pernicious reading of the day, I 'd say&mdash;Murray's
+Handbooks! I give you this under my hand and seal. That fellow&mdash;Murray,
+I mean&mdash;has got up a kind of Pictorial Europe of his own, with bits of
+antiquarianism, history, poetry, and architecture, that serves to
+convince our vulgar, vagabondizing English that they are doing a refined
+thing in coming abroad. He half persuades them that it is not for cheap
+champagne and red partridges they 're come, but to see the Cathedral of
+Cologne and the Dome of St. Peter's, till he breeds up a race of
+conceited, ill-informed, prating coxcombs, that disgrace us abroad and
+disgust us at home.
+</p>
+<p>
+I think I see your face now, and I half hear you mutter, "Kenny's in one
+of his fits of passion;" and you'd be right, too, for I have just upset
+my ink-bottle over the table, and there's scarcely enough left to finish
+this scrawl, as I must reserve a little for a few lines to Mrs. D.
+Apropos to that same, Tom, I don't know how to break it to her that I'm
+in a jail, for her feelings will be terribly shocked at first; not but,
+between you and me, before a year's over, she 'll make it a bitter
+taunt to me whenever we have a flare-up, and remind me that, for all my
+justiceship of the peace, I was treated like a common felon in Brussels!
+</p>
+<p>
+I believe that the best thing I can do is to send for Jellicot, since
+Vanhoegen and Draek have sent to say that they retire from my cause,
+"reserving to themselves all liberty of future action as regards the
+injury personally sustained;" which means that they require ten pounds
+for the kicking. Be it so!
+</p>
+<p>
+When I have seen Jellicot, I 'll give you the result of the interview,
+that is, if there be any result; but my friend J. is a lawyer of the
+lawyers, and it is not only that he keeps his right hand on terms of
+distance with his left, but I don't believe that the thumb and the
+forefinger of the same side are ever acquainted. He is very much that
+stamp of man your English Protestants call a Jesuit. God help them,
+little they know what a real Jesuit is!
+</p>
+<p>
+It's now a quarter to two in the morning, and I sit down to finish this
+with a heavy heart, and certainly no inclination for sleep. I don't know
+where to begin, nor how to tell you, what has happened; but the short of
+it is, Tom, I'm half ruined. Jellicot has been here for hours and gone
+over the whole case; he received the papers from D. and V.; and, indeed,
+everything considered, he has done the thing kindly and feelingly. I
+'m sure my head would n't stand the task of telling you all the
+circumstances; the matter resolves itself simply into this: The "affaire
+de Dodd fils," instead of being James's duel, as I thought, is a series
+of actions against him for debt, amounting to upwards of two thousand
+pounds sterling! There is not an extravagance, from the ballet to the
+betting-book, that he has not tasted; and saddle-horses, suppers,
+velvet waistcoats, jewelry, and gimcracks are at this moment dancing an
+infernal reel through my poor brain.
+</p>
+<p>
+He has contrived, in less than three months, to condense and concentrate
+wickedness enough for a lifetime; this is technically called "going
+fast." Egad, I should say it's a pace far too quick to last with any
+man, much less with the son of a broken-down Irish gentleman! You would
+not believe that the boy could know the very names of the things that he
+appears to have reckoned as mere necessaries of daily life; and how he
+contrived to raise money and contract loans&mdash;a thing that has been a
+difficulty to myself all my life long&mdash;is clean beyond me to explain. I
+'ll get a copy of the "claims" and send it over to you, and I feel that
+your astonishment will equal my own. It would appear that the young
+vagabond talked as if the Barings were his next of kin, and actually
+took delight in squandering money! Only think! all the time I believed
+he was hard at work at his French lessons, it was rattling a dice-box
+he was, and his education for the Board of Trade was going on in the
+side-scenes of the opera! Vickars has been the cause of all this. If
+he 'd have kept his promise, the boy wonld n't have been rained with
+rascally companions and spendthrift associates.
+</p>
+<p>
+Where's the money to come from, Tom? Have you any device in your head to
+get us out of this scrape? I suppose some, at least, of the demands will
+admit of abatement, and Lazarus, they say, always takes a fourth of
+his claim. You can estimate the pleasant game of cross-purposes I was
+playing all yesterday with the Court of Cassation, and what a chaotic
+mass of rubbish the field of Waterloo and the duel must have appeared in
+an action for debt! But why did n't they apprise me of what I was
+there for? Why did they go on with their ridiculous demand, "Racontez
+l'affaire"? Recount what? What should I know of the nefarious dealings
+of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego? They torment me for six weeks by
+a daily examination, till it would be nothing singular if I became
+monomaniac, and could discuss no other theme than a duel and a gunshot
+wound, and then, without the slightest suggestion of a change, they
+launch me into a thing like a Court of Bankruptcy!
+</p>
+<p>
+It appears that I have been committed for three days for my "contempt,"
+and before that time elapses, there is no 'resource in Belgian law to
+compel them to bring up the body of Kenny Dodd; so that here I must
+stay, "chewing," as the poet says, "the cud of sweet and bitter fancy."
+Not that I have not a great deal of business to transact in this
+interval. Jellicot's papers would fill a cart; besides which, I have in
+contemplation a letter for Mrs. D. that will, I suspect, astonish her. I
+mean briefly, but clearly, to place before her the state we are in,
+and her own share in bringing us to it. I'll let her feel that her own
+extravagance has given the key-note to the family, and that she alone is
+to blame for this calamity. Among the many fine things promised me for
+coming abroad, she forgot to say that I was to be like Silvio Pellico;
+but <i>I</i> 'll not forget it, Tom!
+</p>
+<p>
+Then, I have an epistle special for James. He shall feel that he has a
+share in the general ruin; for I will write to Vickars, and ask for a
+commission for him in a black regiment, or an appointment in the Cape
+Mounted Rifles,&mdash;what old Burrowes used to call the Blessed Army of
+Martyrs. I don't care a jot where he goes! But he 'll find it hard to
+give suppers at four pound a head in the Gambia, and ballet-dancers will
+scarcely be costly acquaintances on the banks of the Niger! And lastly,
+I mean to threaten a return to Ireland! "Only threaten," you say: "why
+not do it in earnest?" As I told you before, I'm not equal to it! I
+'ve pluck for anything that can be done by one effort, but I have not
+strength for a prolonged conflict. I could better jump off the Tarpeian
+rock than I could descend a rugged mountain! Mrs. D. knows this so well
+that whenever I show fight, she lays down her parallels so quietly, and
+prepares for a siege with such deliberation, that I always surrender
+before she brings up her heavy guns. Don't prate to me of pusillanimity
+and cowardice! Nobody is brave with his wife. From the Queen of Sheba
+down to the Duchess of Marlborough, ay, and to our own days, if I liked
+to quote instances, history teaches the same lesson. What chance have
+you with one that has been studying every weak point, and every frailty
+of your disposition, for, maybe, twenty years? Why, you might as well
+box with your doctor, who knows where to plant the blow that will be the
+death of you.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have another "dodge," too, Tom,&mdash;don't object to the phrase, for it's
+quite parliamentary; see Bernai Osborne, <i>passim</i>. I 'll tell Mrs. D.
+that I 'll put an advertisement in "Galignani," cautioning the public
+against giving credit to her, or her son, or her daughters; that the
+Dodd family is come abroad especially for economy, and has neither
+pretension to affluence, nor any claim to be thought rich. If that won't
+frighten her, my name is not Kenny! The fact is, Tom, I intend to pursue
+a very brave line of action for the three days I'm "in," since she
+cannot have access to me without my own request. You understand me.
+</p>
+<p>
+I cannot bring my mind to answer your questions about Dodsborough; my
+poor head is too full of its own troubles. They 've just brought me
+my breakfast,&mdash;prison fare,&mdash;for in my indignation I have refused all
+other. Little I used to think, while tasting the jail diet at home,
+as one of the visitors, that I'd ever be reduced to eating it on less
+experimental grounds!
+</p>
+<p>
+I must reserve all my directions about home affairs for my next; but
+bestir yourself to raise this money for us. Without some sort of a
+compromise we cannot leave this; and I am as anxious to "evacuate
+Flanders" as ever was Uncle Toby! Captain Morris told me, the other
+day, of a little town in Germany where there are no English, and where
+everything can be had for a song. The cheapness and the isolation would
+both be very advisable just now. I 'll get the name of it before I write
+next.
+</p>
+<p>
+By the way, Morris is a better fellow than I used to think him: a little
+priggish or so, but good-hearted at bottom, and honest as the sun. I
+think he has an eye on Mary Anne. Not that at present he 'd have much
+chance in that quarter. These foreign counts and barons give a false
+glitter to society that throws into the shade all untitled gentility;
+and your mere country gentleman beside them is like your mother's
+old silver teapot on a table with a show specimen of Elkington's new
+galvanic plate. Not but if you wanted to raise a trifle of money on
+either, the choice would be very difficult.
+</p>
+<p>
+I 'll keep anything more for another letter, and now sign myself
+</p>
+<p>
+Your old and attached friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+Kenny I. Dodd. Petits Cabmes, Brussels, Tuesday Morning.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0016"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XII. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH
+</h2>
+<p>
+Dear Molly,&mdash;The blessed Saints only can tell what sufferings I have
+gone through the last two days, and it's more than I 'm equal to, to say
+how it happened! The whole family has been turned topsy and turvy, and
+there's not one of us is n't upside down; and for one like me, that
+loves to live in peace and enmity with all mankind, this is a sore
+trial!
+</p>
+<p>
+Many 's the time you heard me remark that if it was n't for K. I.'s
+temper, and the violence of his passion, that we 'd be rich and well off
+this day. Time, they say, cures many an evil; but I 'll tell you one,
+Molly, that it never improves, and that is a man's wilful nature; on
+the contrary, they only get more stubborn and cross-grained, and I often
+think to myself, what a blessed time one of the young creatures must
+have had of it, married to some patriarch in the Old Testament; and then
+I reflect on my own condition,&mdash;not that Kenny Dodd is like anything in
+the Bible! And now to tell you, if I 'm able, some of my distresses.
+</p>
+<p>
+You have heard about poor dear James, and how he was shot; but you don't
+know that these last six weeks he has never been off his back, with
+three doctors, and sometimes five-and-thirty leeches on him; and what
+with the torturing him with new-fashioned instruments, and continued
+"repletion," as they call it,&mdash;if it had n't been for strong wine-gruel
+that I gave him, at times, "unknownst,"&mdash;my sure belief is that he would
+n't have been spared to us. This has been a terrible blow, Molly; but
+the ways of Providence is unscrupulous, and we must submit.
+</p>
+<p>
+Here it is, then. James, like every boy, spent a little more money than
+he had, and knowing well his father's temper, he went to the Jews to
+help him. They smarted the poor dear child, who, in his innocent heart,
+knew nothing of the world and its wicked ways. They made him take
+all kinds of things instead of cash,&mdash;Dutch tiles, paving-stones, an
+altar-piece, and a set of surveying-tools, amongst the rest; and these
+he had to sell again to raise a trifle of cash. Some of them he disposed
+of mighty well,&mdash;particularly the altar-piece,&mdash;but on others he lost a
+good deal, and, at the end, was a heavy balance in debt. If it had n't
+been for the duel, however, he says he 'd have no trouble at all in
+"carrying on,"&mdash;that's his own word, and I suppose alludes to the
+business. Be that as it may, his wound was his ruin. Nobody knew how
+to manage his affairs but himself. It was the very same way with my
+grandfather, Maurice Lynch McCarthy; for when he died there wasn't a
+soul left could make anything of his papers. There was large sums in
+them,&mdash;thousands and thousands of pounds mentioned,&mdash;but where they
+were, and what's become of them, we never discovered.
+</p>
+<p>
+And so with James. There he was, stretched on his bed, while villains
+and schemers were working his ruin! The business came into the courts
+here, which, from all I can learn, Molly, are not a bit better than at
+home with ourselves. Indeed, I believe, wherever one goes, lawyers is
+just the same for roguery and rampacity. To be sure, it 's comfort to
+think that you can have another, to the full as bad as the one against
+you; and if there is any abuse or bad language going, you can give it as
+hot as you get it; that's equal justice, Molly, and one of the proudest
+boasts of the British constitution! And you 'd suppose that K. I.,
+sitting on the bench for nigh four-and-twenty years, would know that
+as well as anybody. Yet what does he do?&mdash;you 'll not believe me when I
+tell you! Instead of paying one of these creatures to go in and torment
+the others, to pick holes in all he said, and get fellows to swear
+against them, he must stand out, forsooth, and be his own lawyer! And
+a blessed business he made of it! A reasonable man would explain to the
+judges how it all was,&mdash;that James was a child; that it was the other
+day only he was flying a kite on the lawn at home; that he knew as much
+about wickedness as K. I. did of paradise; that the villains that led
+him on ought to be publicly whipped! Faith, I can fancy, Molly, it was a
+beautiful field for any man to display every commotion of the heart; but
+what does he do? He gets up on his legs,&mdash;I did n't see, but I 'm told
+it,&mdash;he gets up on his legs and begins to ballyrag and blackguard all
+the courts of justice, and the judges, and the attorneys, down to the
+criers,&mdash;he spares nobody! There is nothing too dreadful for him to say,
+and no words too bad to express it in; till, their patience being all
+run out, they stop him at last, and give orders to have him taken from
+the spot, and thrown into a dungeon of the town jail,&mdash;a terrible old
+place, Molly, that goes by the name of the "Petit Carême!" and where
+they say the diet is only a thin sheet of paper above starving.
+</p>
+<a name="image-0006"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/152.jpg" height="913" width="1154"
+alt="152
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+And there he is now, Molly; and you may picture to yourself, as the poet
+says, "what frame he's in"! The news reached me when we were going to
+the play. I was under the hands of the hairdresser, and I gave such a
+screech that he jumped back, and burned himself over the mouth with the
+curling-irons. Even that was a relief to me, Molly; for Mary Anne and
+myself laughed till we cried again!
+</p>
+<p>
+I was for keeping the thing all snug and to ourselves about K. I.;
+but Mary Anne said we should consult Lord George, that was then in the
+house, and going with us to the theatre. They are a wonderful people,
+the great English aristocracy; and if it's anything more than another
+distinguishes them, 't is the indifference to every kind and description
+of misfortune. I say this, because, the moment Lord George heard the
+story, he lay down on the sofa, and laughed and roared till I thought he
+'d split his sides. His only regret was that he had n't been there, in
+the courts, to see it all. As for James's share of the trouble, he said
+it "didn't signify a rush!"
+</p>
+<p>
+He made the same remark I did myself,&mdash;that James was the same as an
+infant, and could, consequently, know nothing of the world and its
+pompous vanities.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I 'll tell you how to manage it all," said he, "and how you 'll not
+only escape all gossip, but actually refute even the slightest scandal
+that may get abroad. Say, first of all, that Mr. Dodd is gone over to
+England&mdash;we 'll put it in the 'Galignani'&mdash;to attend his Parliamentary
+duties. The Belgian papers will copy it at once. This being done, issue
+invitations for an evening at home, 'tea and dance,'&mdash;that's the way to
+do it. Say that the governor hates a ball, and that you are just taking
+the occasion of his absence to see your friends without disturbing
+<i>him</i>. The people that will come to you won't be too critical about
+the facts. Believe me, the gay company will be the very last to inquire
+where is the head of the house. I 'll take care that you 'll have
+everybody worth having in Brussels, and with Latour's band, and the
+supper by Dubos, I 'd like to see who 'll have a spare thought for Mr.
+Dodd the absent."
+</p>
+<p>
+I own to you, Molly, the counsel shocked my feelings at first, and I
+asked my heart, "What will the world say, if it ever comes out that we
+had our house full of company, and the height of gayety going on, when
+the head of the family was, maybe, in chains in a dungeon?" "Don't you
+perceive," says Lord G., "that what I 'm advising will just prevent the
+possibility of all that,&mdash;that you are actually rescuing your family, by
+a master-stroke, from the evil consequences of Mr. D.'s rashness? As
+to the boldness of the policy," added he, "that is the only merit it
+possesses." And then he said something about the firing at St. Sebastian
+above somebody's head, that I didn't quite lightly understand. The
+upshot was, Molly, I was convinced, not, you may be sure, that I felt
+any pleasure or gratification in the prospect of a ball under such
+trying circumstances, but just as Lord G. said, I felt I was "rescuing
+the family."
+</p>
+<p>
+When we came home, from the play,&mdash;for we went with heavy hearts, I
+assure you, though we afterwards laughed a great deal,&mdash;we set about
+writing the invitations for "Our Evening;" and although James and Mary
+Anne assisted Lord G., it was nigh daybreak when we were done. You 'll
+ask, where was Caroline? And you might well ask; but as long as I live
+I 'll never forget her unnatural conduct! It is n't that she opposed
+everything about the ball, but she had the impudence to say to my face
+"that hitherto we had been only ridiculous, but that this act would be
+one of downright shame and disgrace." Her language to Lord George was
+even worse, for she told him that his "counsel was a very sorry requital
+for the generous hospitality her father had always extended to him."
+Where the hussey got the words so glibly, I can't imagine; but she, that
+rarely speaks at all, talked away with the fluency of a lawyer. As to
+helping us to address the notes, she vowed she 'd rather cut her fingers
+off; and what made this worse was, that she's the only one of them knows
+the genders in French, and whether a <i>soirée</i> is a man or a woman!
+</p>
+<p>
+You may imagine the trouble of the next day; for in order to have the
+ball come off before K. I. was out, we were only able to give two days'
+notice. Little the people that come to your house to dance or to sup
+know or think what a deal of trouble&mdash;not to say more&mdash;it costs to give
+a ball. Lord George tells me that even the Queen herself always gives
+it in another house, so she 's not put out of her way with the
+preparations,&mdash;and, to be sure, what is more natural?&mdash;and that she
+would n't like to be exposed to the turmoil of taking down beds, hanging
+lustres, fixing sconces, raising a platform for the music, and settling
+tables for the supper. I 'm sure and certain, if she only knew what it
+was to pass such a day as yesterday was with me, she 'd never have a
+larger party than that lord that's always in waiting, and the ladies of
+the bedroom! As for regular meals, Molly, we had none. There was a ham
+and cold chickens in the lobby, and a veal pie and some sherry on the
+back stairs; and that's the way we breakfasted, dined, and supped. To
+be sure, we laughed heartily all the time, and I never saw Mary Anne in
+such spirits. Lord George was greatly struck with her,&mdash;I saw it by his
+manner,&mdash;and I would n't be a bit surprised if something came of it yet!
+</p>
+<p>
+I have little time to say more now, for I 'm called down to see the
+flowerpots and orange-trees that's to line the hall and the stairs; but
+I 'll try and finish this by post hour.
+</p>
+<p>
+As I see that this cannot be despatched to-day, I 'll keep it over,
+to give you a "full and true" account of the ball, which Lord George
+assures me will be the greatest <i>fête</i> Brussels has seen this winter;
+and, indeed, if I am to judge from the preparations, I can well believe
+him! There are seven men cooks in the kitchen making paste and drinking
+sherry in a way that's quite incredible, not to speak of an elderly man
+in my own room that's doing the M'Carthy arms in spun-sugar for a temple
+that is to represent Dodsborough, in the middle of the table, with K.
+I. on the top of it, holding a flag, and crying out something in French
+that means welcome to the company. Poor K. I., 'tis something else he's
+thinking of all the time!
+</p>
+<p>
+Then, the whole stairs and the landing is all one bower of camellias
+and roses and lilies of the valley, brought all the way from Holland for
+another ball, but, by Lord George's ingenuity, obtained by us. As for
+ice, Molly, you 'd think my dressing-room was a Panorama of the North
+Pole; and there's every beast of that region done in strawberries or
+lemon, with native creatures, the color of life, in coffee or chocolate.
+The music will be the great German Brass Band, fifty-eight performers,
+and two Blacks with cymbals. They 're practising now, and the noise
+is dreadful! Carts are coming in every moment with various kinds of
+eatables, for I must tell you, Molly, they don't do things here the
+way we used at Dodsborough. Plenty of cold roast chickens, tongues, and
+sliced ham, apple-pies, tarts, jelly, and Spanish flummery, with Naples
+biscuits and a plum-cake, is a fine supper in Ireland; and if you begin
+with sherry, you can always finish with punch: but here there's nothing
+that ever was eaten they won't have. Ice when they 're hot, soup when
+they 're chilly, oyster patties and champagne continually during
+the dancing, and every delicacy under the sun afterwards on the
+supper-table.
+</p>
+<p>
+There's nothing distresses me in it all but the Polka, Molly. I can't
+learn it. I always slide when I ought to hop, and where there 's a hop
+I duck down in spite of me! And whether it's the native purity of an
+Irishwoman, or that I never was reared to it, I can't say; but the
+notion of a man's arm round me keeps me in a flutter, and I 'm always
+looking about to see how K. I. bears it. I suppose, however, I 'll get
+through it well enough, for Lord George is to be my partner; and as I
+know K. I.'s "safe," my mind is more easy.
+</p>
+<p>
+Perhaps it's the shortness of the invitation, but there's a great many
+apologies coming in. The English Ambassador won't come. Lord G. says
+it's all the better, for the Tories are going out, and it will be a
+great service to K. I. with the Whigs if it's thought he did n't invite
+him! This may be true, but it's no reason in life for the Austrian, the
+French, the Prussian, and the Spanish Ministers sending excuses.
+Lord George, however, thinks it's the terrible state of the Continent
+explains it all, and the Despotic Powers are so angry with Lord Dudley
+Stuart and Roebuck that they like to insult the English! If it be so,
+they haven't common-sense. Kenny James has taken a turn with all their
+parties, and much good it has done him!
+</p>
+<p>
+Lord G. and Mary Anne are in high spirits, notwithstanding these
+disappointments, for "the Margravine" is coming,&mdash;at least, so he
+tells me; but whether the Margravine be a man or woman, Molly, or only
+something to eat, I don't rightly know, and I 'm ashamed to ask.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have just been greatly provoked by a visit from Captain Morris, who
+called twice this morning, and at last insisted on seeing me. He came to
+entreat me, he says, "if not to abandon, at least to put off, our
+ball till Mr. Dodd's return." I tried to browbeat him, Molly, for his
+impertinent interference, but it would n't do; and he showed me that he
+knew perfectly well where K. I. was,&mdash;a piece of information that, of
+course, he obtained from Caroline. Oh, Molly dear, when one's own flesh
+and blood turns against them,&mdash;when children forget all the lessons you
+'ve been teaching them from infancy,&mdash;it's a sore, sore trial! Not but I
+have reason to be thankful. Mary Anne and James are like part of
+myself; nothing mean or little-minded about <i>them</i>, but fine, generous,
+confiding creatures,&mdash;happy for to-day, hopeful for to-morrow!
+</p>
+<p>
+When I mentioned to Lord G. what Morris came about, he only laughed, and
+said, "It was a clever dodge of the half-pay,&mdash;he wanted an invitation;"
+and I see now that such must have been his object. The more one sees of
+mankind, the greater appears their meanness; and in my heart I feel how
+unsuited guileless, simple-hearted creatures like myself are to combat
+against the stratagems and ambuscades of this wicked world. Not that
+little Morris will gain much by his morning's work, for Mary Anne says
+that Lord George will never suffer him to get on full pay as long as he
+lives. "A friend in need is a friend indeed," Molly, more particularly
+when he's a lord.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Margravine is a princess, Molly. I 've just found it out; for James
+is to receive her at the foot of the stairs, Mary Anne and myself on
+the lobby. Lord G. says she must have whist at half-"Nap." points, and
+always play with her own "Gentleman-in-Waiting." She never goes out on
+any other conditions. But he says, "She 's cheap even at that price, for
+an occasion like the present;" and maybe he's right.
+</p>
+<p>
+No more now, for my gown is come to be tried on.
+</p>
+<hr>
+<hr>
+<p>
+Dear Molly, I'll try and finish this, since, maybe, it's the last lines
+you 'll ever receive from your attached friend. Three days have elapsed
+since I put my hand to paper, and three such days, I 'll be bound, no
+human creature ever passed. Out of one fit of hysterics into another,
+and taking the strongest stimulants, with no more effect than if
+they were water! My screeches, I am told, were dreadful, and there 's
+scarcely one of the family can't show the mark of my nails; and this is
+what K. I. has brought me to. <i>You</i> know well what I used to suffer
+from him at Dodsborough, and the terrible scenes we always had when
+the Christmas bills came in; but it's all nothing, Molly, to what has
+happened here. But as my Uncle Joe said, no good ever came out of a
+"mess-alliance."
+</p>
+<p>
+My moments are few so I 'll be brief. The ball was beautiful, Molly;
+there never was the like of it for elegance and splendor! For great
+names, rank, fashion, beauty, and jewels, it was, they tell me, far
+beyond the Court, because we had a great many people who, from political
+reasons, refuse to go to Leopold, but who had no prejudices against your
+humble servant; for, strange enough, they have Orangemen here as well
+as in Ireland! Princes, dukes, counts, and generals came pouring in, all
+shining with stars and crosses, blue and red ribbons, and keys worked
+on their coat-tails, till nearly twelve o'clock. There were, then,
+nigh seven hundred souls in the house, eating, dancing, drinking, and
+enjoying themselves; and a beautiful sight it was: everybody happy, and
+thinking only of pleasure. Mary Anne looked elegant, and many remarked
+that we must be sisters. Oh dear, if they only saw me now!
+</p>
+<p>
+There was a mazurka that lasted till half-past one, for it's a dance
+that everybody must take out each in turn, and you 'd fancy there was
+no end to it, for, indeed, they never do seem tired of embracing and
+holding each other round the waist; but Lord George came to say that the
+Margravine had finished her whist and wanted her supper, so down we must
+go at once.
+</p>
+<p>
+James was to take her Supreme Highness, and the Prince of Dammiseisen&mdash;a
+name that always made me laugh&mdash;was to take me; but he is a great man
+in Germany, and had a kingdom of his own till he was "modified" by
+Bonaparte, which means, as Lord George says, that "he took it out in
+money." But why do I dwell on these things? Down we went, Molly,&mdash;down
+the narrow stairs,&mdash;for the supper was laid out below; and a terrible
+crush it was, for, strange as it may seem, your grand people are just as
+anxious to get good places as any; and I saw a duke fighting his way in,
+just like old Ted Davis at Dodsborough!
+</p>
+<p>
+When we came to the last flight of stairs, the crowd was awful, and the
+banisters creaked, and the wood-work groaned, so that I thought it was
+going to give way; and instead of James moving on in front, he pressed
+back upon us, and increased the confusion, for we were forced forward by
+hundreds behind us.
+</p>
+<p>
+"What's the matter, James?" said I. "Why don't you goon?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I 'd rather be excused," said he. "It 's like Donnybrook Fair, down
+there,&mdash;a regular shindy!"
+</p>
+<p>
+It was no less, Molly; for although the hall was filled with servants,
+there were two men armed with sticks, laying about them like mad, and
+fighting their way towards the supper-room.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Who are those wretches?" cried I; "why don't they turn them out?"
+</p>
+<p>
+The words weren't well out, my dear Molly, when the door gave way, and
+the two, trampling down all before them, passed into the room. From that
+moment it was crash after crash! Lamps, lustres, china, glass, plates,
+dishes, fruit, and confectionery flying on all sides! In less time than
+I 'm writing it, the table was cleared, and of the elegant temple there
+wasn't a bit standing. I just got inside the door to see the McCarthy
+arms in smithereens! and K. I.&mdash;for it was him!&mdash;dancing over them, with
+that little blackguard Paddy Byrne smashing everything round him! I went
+off into fits, Molly, and never saw more; and, indeed, I wish with all
+my heart that I never came to again, if what they tell me be only true.
+K. I., it seems, no sooner demolished the supper than he set to work on
+the company. He snatched off the Margravine's wig, and beat her with it,
+kicking Dammiseisen and two other princes into the street. They say that
+many of the nobility leaped out of the first-pair windows, and one fat
+old gentleman, a chamberlain to the King of Bavaria, was caught by a
+lamp iron, and hung there for twenty minutes, with a mob shouting round
+him!
+</p>
+<p>
+This all came of the Belgians letting out K. I. at one o'clock, which,
+according to their reckoning, was the end of his three days.
+</p>
+<p>
+I 'm getting another attack, so I must conclude. We left Brussels the
+next morning, and arrived here the same night. I don't know where we are
+going, and I don't care. K. I. has never had the face to come near me
+since his infamous conduct, and I hope, for the little time I may be
+spared on this side of the grave, not to see him again. Mary Anne is in
+bed, too, and nearly as bad as myself; and as for Caroline, I wouldn't
+let her into the room! Lord George took James away to his own lodgings
+till K. I. learns to behave more like a Christian; but when that may be
+is utterly beyond
+</p>
+<p>
+Your afflicted and disgraced friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+Jemima Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+Hôtel d'Angleterre, Liège.
+</p>
+<p>
+Dear Molly, I open this to say that I have made my will; for, if Divine
+Providence doesn't befriend me, your poor Jemima will be in paradise
+before this reaches you! I have left you my black satin with the bugles,
+and my brown bombazine, which, when it is dyed, will be very nice
+mourning for common wear. I also bequeath to you the things you 'll find
+in the oak press in my own room, and ten silver spoons, and a fish-knife
+marked with the McCarthy arms, which, not to be too particular, I have
+put down in the will as "plate and linen." I leave you, besides, my book
+of "Domestic Cookery," "The Complete Housewife," and the "Way to Glory,"
+by St. Francis Xavier. There are marks all through them with my own
+pen; and be particular to observe the receipt for snow pancakes, and the
+prayers for a "Plenary" after Candlemas.
+</p>
+<p>
+It will be a comfort to your feelings to know that I am departing from
+this life in peace and charity with every one. Tell Mat I forgive him
+the fleece he stole out of the hayloft; and though he swears still he
+never laid hand on it, who else was there, Molly? You can give Kitty
+Hogan the old shoes in the closet, for, though she never wears any, she
+'d like to have them for keepsakes! K. I. cared too little for my peace
+here to suppose that he will think of my repose hereafter, so that
+Father John can take the yearling calf and the two ewes out in masses!
+My feelings is overcoming me, Molly, and I can't go on!&mdash;breathing my
+last, as I am, in a far-away land, and sinking under the cruelty of a
+hard-hearted man!
+</p>
+<p>
+I think it would only be a decent mark of respect to my family if the
+M'Carthy arms was hung up over the door, to show I was n't a Dodd. The
+crest is an angel sheltering a fox, or a beast like a fox, under his
+wing; but you 'll see it on the spoons. When you sell the piggs&mdash;maybe I
+ought n't to put two g's in them, but my head is wandering&mdash;pay old
+Judy Cobb two-and-sevenpence for the yarn, and say that I won't stop the
+ninepence out of Betty's wages. Maybe, when I 'm gone, they 'll begin to
+see what they 've lost, and maybe E. I. will feel it too, when he finds
+no buttons on his shirts and the strings out of his waistcoat; and
+what's far worse, nobody to contradict him, and control his wilful
+nature! That's the very struggle that's killing me now! Nobody knows,
+nor would believe, the opposition I 've given him for twenty years. But
+<i>he</i> 'll feel it, Molly, and that before I'm six weeks in the grave.
+</p>
+<p>
+I don't know my age to a day or a month, but you can put me down at
+thirty-nine, and maybe the "Blast of Freedom" would say a word or
+two about my family. I 'd like that far better than to be "deeply
+regretted," or "to the inexpressible grief of her bereaved relations."
+</p>
+<p>
+I have made it a last request that my remains are to be sent home, and
+as I know K. I. won't go to the expense, he'll have to bear all the
+disgrace of neglecting my dying entreaty. That's my legacy to him,
+Molly; and if it's not a very profitable one, the "duty" will not be
+heavy.
+</p>
+<p>
+Remember me affectionately to everybody, and say that to the last my
+heart was in my own country; and indeed, Molly, I never did hear so much
+good about Ireland as since we left it!
+</p>
+<p>
+I have just taken a draught that has restored me wonderfully. It has a
+taste of curaçoa, and evidently suits my constitution. Maybe Providence,
+in his mercy, means to reserve me for more trials and misfortunes; for
+I feel stronger already, and am going to taste a bit of roast duck, with
+sage and onions. Betty has done it for me herself.
+</p>
+<p>
+If I do recover, Molly, I promise you K. I. won't find me the poor
+submissive worm he has been trampling upon these more than twenty years!
+I feel more like myself already; the "mixture" is really doing me good.
+</p>
+<p>
+You may write to me to this place, with directions to be opened by Mary
+Anne, if I 'm no more. The very thought of it overwhelms me. The idea of
+one's own death is the most terrible of all afflictions; and as for me,
+I don't think I could ever survive it.
+</p>
+<p>
+I mean to send for K. I., to take leave of him, and forgive him,
+before I go. I 'm not sure that I 'd do so, Molly, if it wasn't for the
+opportunity of telling him my mind about all his cruelty to me, and that
+I know well what he's at, and that he'll be married again before six
+months. That's the treachery of men; but there's one comfort,&mdash;they are
+well paid off for it when they marry&mdash;as they always do&mdash;some young minx
+of nineteen or twenty. It's exactly what K. I. is capable of; and I mean
+to show him that I see it, and all the consequences besides.
+</p>
+<p>
+The mixture is really of service to me, and I feel as if I could take a
+sleep. Mary Anne will seal this if I 'm not awake before post hour. #
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0017"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XIII. FROM K. I. DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    Liège, Tuesday Evening.
+</h3>
+<p>
+My dear Tom,&mdash;Your reproaches are all just, but I really have not had
+courage to wield a pen these last three weeks, nor have I now patience
+to go back on the past. Perhaps when we meet&mdash;if ever that good time
+is to come round again&mdash;I may be able to tell you something of my final
+exit from Brussels; but now with the shame yet fresh, and the disgrace
+recent, I cannot find pluck for it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Here we are at what they call the "Pavilion," having changed from the
+Hotel d'Angleterre yesterday. You must know, Tom, that this same city
+of Liège is the noisiest, most dinning, hammering, hissing, clanking,
+creaking, welding, smelting, and furnace-roaring town in Europe.
+Something like a hundred thousand tinkers are at work every day; and
+from an egg saucepan to a steam-boiler there is something to be hammered
+at by every capacity!
+</p>
+<p>
+You would say that tumult like this might satisfy the most craving
+appetite for uproar; but not so: the Liégeois are regular gluttons for
+noise, and they insist upon having Verdi's new opera of "Nabuchodonosor"
+performed at their great theatre. Now, this same theatre is exactly
+in front of the Hôtel d'Angleterre, so that when, by dint of time,
+patience, and a partial dulness of the acoustic nerves, we were getting
+used to steam-factories and shot-foundries, down comes Verdi on us,
+with a din and clangor to which even the works of Seraing were like
+an <i>Æolian</i> harp! Now, of all the Pretenders of these days of especial
+humbug, with our "Long ranges," Morison's pills and Louis Napoleons, I
+don't think you could show me a greater charlatan than this same Verdi.
+I don't pretend to know a bit about music; I only knew two tunes all my
+life, "God save the King" and "Patrick's Day," and these only because
+we used to stand up and take off our hats to them in the Dublin theatre;
+but modulated, soft sounds have always had their effect on me, and I
+never heard a country girl singing as she beetled her linen beside a
+river's bank, or listened to the deep bay of an old fox-hound of a clear
+winter's morning, without feeling that there was something inside of
+me somewhere that responded to the note. But this fellow is all
+marrow-bones and cleavers! Trumpets, drums, big fiddles, and bassoons
+are the softest things he knows. I take it as a providential thing that
+his music cracks every voice after one season; for before long
+there will be nobody left in Europe to sing him, except it be the
+steam-whistle of an express-train!
+</p>
+<p>
+But we live in strange times, Tom, that's the fact. The day was when
+our operas used to be taken from real life,&mdash;or what authors and poets
+thought was real life. We had the "Maid of the Mill," and the "Duenna,"
+and "Love in a Village," and a score more, pleasant and amusing enough;
+and except that there was nothing wrong or incomprehensible in them,
+perhaps they might have stood their ground. There was the great failure,
+Tom; everybody could understand them, and nobody need be shocked. Now,
+the taste is, puzzle a great many, and shock every one!
+</p>
+<p>
+A grand opera now must be from the Old Testament. Not even drums and
+kettle-drums would save you, if you haven't Moses or Melchisedek to
+sit down in white raiment, and see some twenty damsels, with petticoats
+about as long as a lace ruffle, capering and attitudinizing in a way
+that ought to make even a patriarch blush. Now, this is all wrong,
+Tom. The public might be amused without profanity, and even the most
+inveterate lover of dancing needn't ask David and Uriah for a <i>pas
+de deux</i>. And now, let me remark to you, that a great deal of that
+so-much-vaunted social liberty abroad is neither more nor less than this
+same latitude with respect to any and every thing. We at home were
+bred up to believe that good-breeding mainly consists in a certain
+reserve,&mdash;a cautious deference not alone for the feelings, but even the
+prejudices of others; that you have no right to offend your neighbor's
+sense of respect for fifty things that you held cheaply yourself. They
+reverse all this here. Everybody talks to you of yourself, ay, and of
+your wife and your mother, as frankly as though they were characters
+of the heathen mythology: they treat you like a third party in these
+discussions, and very likely it was a practice of this kind originally
+suggested the phrase of being "beside oneself."
+</p>
+<p>
+You'll perhaps remark that my tone is very low and depressed, Tom; and I
+own to you I feel so. For a man that came abroad to enjoy himself, I am,
+to say the least, going a mighty strange way about it. The most rigid
+moralist couldn't accuse me of my epicurism, for I seem to be husbanding
+my Continental pleasures with a laudable degree of self-denial. Would
+you like a peep at us? Well, Mrs. D. is over there in No. 19, in bed
+with fourteen leeches on her temples, and a bottle as big as a black
+jack of camphor and sal-volatile beside her as a kind of table beverage;
+Mary Anne and Caroline are somewhere in the dim recesses of the same
+chamber, silent, if they 're not sobbing; James is under lock and key in
+No. 17, with Ollendorff's Method, and the Gospel of St. John in French;
+and here am I, trying to indite a few lines, with blast furnaces and
+brass instruments baying around me, and Paddy Byrne cleaning knives
+outside the door!
+</p>
+<a name="image-0007"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/168.jpg" height="578" width="692"
+alt="168
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+Mrs. D.'s attack is not serious, but it is very distressing. She has got
+the notion into her head that foreign apothecaries have a general pardon
+for poisoning, and so she requires that some of us should always take
+part of her physic before she touches it. The consequence is that I
+have been going through a course of treatment that would have pushed an
+elephant rather hard. I can stand some things pretty well; but what they
+call réfrigérants, Tom, play the devil with me! and I am driven to
+brandy and water to an extent that I can scarcely call myself quite
+sober at any time of the day. Were we at home in Dodsborough, there
+would be none of this; so that here, again, is another of the blessings
+of our foreign experiences! Ah, Tom! it's all a mistake from beginning
+to end. You would n't know your old friend if you saw him; and although
+they've padded me out, and squeezed me in, I 'm not the man I used to
+be!
+</p>
+<p>
+You tell me that I'm not to expect any more money till November; but you
+forgot to tell me how I 'm to live without it. We compromised with the
+Jews for fifteen hundred.
+</p>
+<p>
+Our "extraordinaries," as the officials would call them, amounted to
+three more; so that, taking all things into account, we have been living
+since April last at a trifle more than eleven thousand a year. It's a
+mercy that when they sell a man out by the Encumbered Estates Court,
+they ask no impertinent questions about how he contracted his debts. I
+'d cut a sorry figure under such an examination.
+</p>
+<p>
+We have begun the economy, Tom, and I hope that even you will be
+satisfied; for although this place is detestable to me, here I 'll stay,
+if my hearing can stand it, till winter. Mary Anne says we might as well
+be in Birmingham, and my reply is, I'm quite ready to go there! I own to
+you I have a kind of diabolical delight in seeing them all nonplussed.
+There are neither dukes nor marquises here, neither princesses nor
+ballet-dancers! The most reckless spendthrift could only ruin himself in
+steam-boilers, gun-barrels, and kitchen-rauges; there's nothing softer
+than cast-iron in the whole town.
+</p>
+<p>
+Our rooms are in the third story. James and I dine at the public table.
+Our only piece of extravagance is the doctor that attends Mrs. D.; and
+if you saw him, you 'd scarcely give him the name of a luxury! I needn't
+say that there is very little pleasure in all this; indeed, for anything
+<i>I</i> see, I think we might be leading the same kind of life in Kilmainham
+Jail; and perhaps at last they 'll see this themselves, and consent to
+return home.
+</p>
+<p>
+I go out for an hour's walk every day, but it does me little good. My
+usual stroll is to a shot factory, and back by a patent bolt and rivet
+establishment; but this avoids the theatre, for I own to you Nabucco,
+as they call him for shortness, shouts in a manner that makes me quite
+irritable.
+</p>
+<p>
+James never leaves his room; he's studying hard at last; and although
+his health would be the better for a little exercise, I 'll just leave
+him to himself. It's right he should pay some penalty for his late
+conduct. As for the girls, Mary Anne is indignant with me, and only
+comes to say good-morning and good-night; and Cary, though she tries
+to look cheerful and happy, is evidently fretting in secret. Betty Cobb
+takes less trouble to repress her feelings, and goes howling about the
+hotel like a dog run over by the mail, and is always getting accompanied
+by strange and inquisitive travellers, who insist upon hearing her
+sorrows, and occasionally push their inquiries even as far as my room!
+</p>
+<p>
+Paddy Byrne alone appears to have taken a philosophical view of his
+position, for he has been drunk ever since we arrived. He usually sleeps
+in the hall, on the stairs, or the lobbies; and although this saves the
+cost of a bedroom, the economy is counterbalanced by occasional little
+reprisals he takes, as stray gentlemen stumble over him with their
+bedroom candles. At such moments he smashes lamps and china ornaments,
+for which his wages will require a long sequestration to clear off. And
+now a word about home. Our English tenant, you tell me, is getting
+tired of Dodsborough; we guessed how it would be already. "He thinks the
+people lazy"! Ask him, did he ever try to cut turf, with two meals of
+wet potatoes per diem? "They are bigoted and superstitious too." How
+much better would they be if they knew all about Lord Rosse's telescope?
+"They won't give up their old barbarous ways." Is n't that the very
+boast of the Conservative party? Is n't that what Disraeli is preaching
+every day and every hour?&mdash;"Fall back upon this,&mdash;fall back upon
+that,&mdash;think of the spirit of your ancestors." Now they say, our
+ancestors yoked their horses by the tails to save a harness. It's rather
+hard that all the "progress," as they call it, must begin with the poor.
+It's a dead puzzle to me, Tom, to explain one thing. All the moralists,
+from the earliest ages, keep crying up humility, and telling you that
+true nobility of soul consists in self-denial and moderation, simple
+tastes, and so on; and yet, what is the great reproach they bring
+against Paddy? Is n't it that he is satisfied with the potato? There's
+the head and front of his offence. That he does n't want beef, like the
+Englishman,&mdash;nor soup and three courses, like "Mounseer"&mdash;nor sauerkraut
+and roast veal, like a German; "cups and cold water" being the food of a
+fellow that could thrash the whole three of them all round, and think it
+mighty good fun besides.
+</p>
+<p>
+Poor Dan used to say that he was the best abused man in Europe: but
+I 'll tell you that the potato is the best abused vegetable in the
+universal globe. From the "Times" down to the Scotch farmers, it's one
+hue-and-cry after it,&mdash;"The filthy root"&mdash;"The disgusting tuber,"&mdash;"The
+source of all Irish misery,"&mdash;"The father of famine, and mother of
+fever,"&mdash;on they go, blackguarding the only food of the people, till at
+last, as if it were a judgment on their bad tongues, it took to rot in
+the ground, and left us with nothing to eat. Now, Tom, you know as well
+as myself, Ireland is not a wheat country; it's one year in three that
+we can raise a crop of it; for our climate is as treacherous as the
+English Government. I hope you would n't have us live on oats, like the
+Scotch; nor on Indian com, like the savages; so what is there like the
+potato? And then, how easy the culture, and how simple the cookery! It
+does well in every soil, and agrees well with every constitution.
+It feeds the peasant, it fattens the pig, it rears the children, and
+supports the chickens. What can compare with that?
+</p>
+<p>
+Do you know that there's no cant of the day annoys me more than that cry
+about model farming, and green crops, and rotations, and subsoiling, and
+so on. The whole ingenuity of mankind would seem devoted to ascertaining
+how much a bullock can eat, and how little will feed a laborer.
+Stuff one and starve the other, and you may be the President of an
+Agricultural Society, and Chairman of your Union. What treatises we have
+upon stock, and improving the breed of boars! Will you tell me who ever
+thought of turning the same attention to the condition of the people?
+and I'm sure, if you go into the county Galway, you 'll soon acknowledge
+that they need it. "Look at that lanky pig," calls out the Scotch
+steward, in derision; "his snout and his legs are fit for a greyhound!"
+But I say, "Look at Paddy, there. His neck is shrivelled and knotted,
+like an old vine-tree; his back rounded, and his legs crooked; all for
+want of care and nourishment. Is all your sympathy to be kept for the
+sheep, and have you none for the shepherd?"
+</p>
+<p>
+I made some memorandums for you about Belgian farming, but Mary Anne
+curled her hair with them. It's no loss to you, however, for their
+system would n't do with us. Small tenures and spade husbandry do mighty
+well here, because there are great cities within a few miles of each
+other, and agriculture takes somewhat the character of market gardening;
+but their success would be far different were there long distances to be
+traversed with the produce.
+</p>
+<p>
+This country is certainly prospering; but I 'm not so certain that it
+can continue to do so.' Their industry is now stimulated to a high state
+of productiveness, because they are daily extending their railroads; but
+there must come an end to that, and it strikes me that a country that
+only deals with itself is pretty much what the adage says of the "man
+that is his own doctor." They are now, however, enjoying what your
+political economists all agree in pronouncing to be the great test of
+prosperity. Everything has nearly doubled in price: house rent, meat,
+vegetables, wages, clothes, luxuries of all kind, and, of course,
+taxation. I own to you I never clearly understood this problem; it
+always seemed to me as if a whole population took to walk upon stilts,
+for the pleasure of thinking themselves nine feet high.
+</p>
+<p>
+These matters put me in mind of Vickars. I now see that I was wrong in
+not going over to the election. His tone is quite changed, and he writes
+to me as if I were a deputation from the distressed hand-loom weavers.
+He acknowledges mine of the 5th ult, and he deplores, and regrets, and
+feels constrained to remind me, and so on, ending with being "humble and
+obedient,"&mdash;two things that I believe his own mother never found him.
+The fact is, Tom, he's in Parliament, and he is a Lord of the Treasury,
+and he does n't care a brass farthing for one of us. Do you remark how
+the Ministerial papers praise the Government for promoting Irishmen?
+It is not on the ground of their superior capacity for office, their
+readiness and natural ability. Nothing of the kind; it is simply the
+unbounded generosity of the administration, and perhaps as a proof of
+their humility! They put an Irishman in the Cabinet, just as the Roman
+Conqueror took a slave in his chariot, to show that they don't intend to
+forget themselves!
+</p>
+<p>
+I wish "Punch" would make a picture of it. Pat with his pipe in his
+mouth beside the Premier; the roguish leer of the eye, the careless ease
+of his crossed legs, and smallclothes open at the knee, would be a grand
+contrast to the high-bred air of his companion.
+</p>
+<p>
+Don't bother me any more about the salmon weirs; make the best bargain
+you can, and I 'll be satisfied. It appears to me, however, the more
+laws we have, the less fish we catch. In my father's time there was no
+legislation at all, and salmon was a penny a pound. The fish seem to
+hate Acts of Parliament just as much as ourselves. And, talking of that,
+I 'm glad we 're out of our scrape with the Yankees.
+</p>
+<p>
+Depend upon it, all the cod that ever was salted would n't pay for
+one collision. It would n't be like any other war, Tom, for French
+and Russians, Austrians and Italians, have each their separate
+peculiarities,&mdash;giving certain advantages in certain situations; but
+we&mdash;that is, English and Americans&mdash;fight exactly in the same way.
+Each knows every dodge of the other,&mdash;long sixty-fives and thirty-twos,
+boarders, riflemen, riggers,&mdash;all alike. It 's the old story of the
+Kilkenny cats, and I'm greatly afraid our "tail" would be nearly as much
+mauled as Jonathan's.
+</p>
+<p>
+The longer I live, the nearer I find myself drawing to these Yankees;
+and I 've some notion of going over there to have a look at them. They
+tell me that the worst thing about them is the air of gravity, even of
+depression, that prevails,&mdash;a strange fault, considering how many Irish
+there are amongst them; but I suppose Paddy is like the rest of the
+world, and he loses his fun when he gets prosperous. There was Tom
+Martin, that went our circuit, and there was n't as pleasant a fellow
+at the bar till he got into business. There was no good asking him
+to dinner after that; as he owned himself, "he kept his jokes for his
+clients." Now, there may be something like this the case in America; at
+all events, Tom, I 'd have one advantage there,&mdash;I 'd know the language,
+what I 'm never likely to do here; not but I'm doing my best every day
+at the <i>table d'hôte</i>; occasionally, perhaps, with some sacrifice of the
+"propers;" but as a foreigner is too polite to laugh, the stranger has
+little chance to learn. For my own part, I 'd rather they 'd tell me
+when I was wrong, and give me some hope of going right I 'd think it
+more friendly of a man to say, "Kenny Dodd, you 're going into a hole,"
+than if he smiled and simpered, and assured me that I was in the middle
+of the path, and getting on beautifully.
+</p>
+<p>
+And there isn't any good-nature in it; not a bit. It's not
+good-heartedness, nor kindness, nor amiability. I don't believe a word
+of it; because the chap that does it isn't thinking of you at all,&mdash;he
+'s only minding himself; he 's fancying how he 's delighting you, or
+captivating your wife or your sister-in-law; or, if it's a woman, she
+wants to fascinate or make a fool of you.
+</p>
+<p>
+The real and essential difference between us and all foreigners is that
+they are always thinking of what effect they are producing; they never
+for a single moment forget that there is an audience. Now we, on the
+contrary, never remember it. Life with them is a drama, in all the blaze
+of wax-lights and a crowded house; with us, it's a day-rehearsal, and
+we slip about, mumbling our parts, getting through the performance,
+unmindful of all but our own share in it.
+</p>
+<p>
+More than half of what is attributed to rudeness and unsociality in us,
+springs out of the simple fact that we do not care to obtrude even our
+politeness when there seems no need of it. <i>Our</i> civilities are like a
+bill of exchange, that must represent value one day or other. <i>Theirs</i>
+are like the gilt markers on a card-table: they have a look of money
+about them, but are only counterfeit. Perhaps this may explain why our
+women like the Continent so much better than ourselves. All this mock
+interchange of courtesy amuses and interests <i>them</i>; it only worries
+<i>us</i>.
+</p>
+<p>
+To come back to Vickars. He 'll do nothing for James. His "own list is
+quite full;" he "has mentioned his name," he says, "to the Secretary for
+the Colonies," and will speak of him "at the Home Office." But I know
+what that means. The party is safe for the present, and don't need our
+dirty voices for many a day to come. It's distressing me to find out
+what to do with him. Can you get me any real information about the gold
+diggings? Is it a thing that would suit him? His mother, I know well,
+would never consent to the notion of his working with his hands; but,
+upon my conscience, if it's his head he's to depend on, he'll fare
+worse! He is very good-looking, six foot one and a half, strong as a
+young bull; and to ride an unbroken horse, drive a fresh team, to shoot
+a snipe, or book a salmon, I 'll back him against the field. I hear,
+besides, he 's a beautiful cue at billiards. But what's the use of all
+these at the Board of Trade, if he had even the luck to get there?
+Many 's the time I 've heard poor old Lord Kilmahon say that an Irish
+education was n't worth a groat for England; and I now see the force of
+the remark.
+</p>
+<p>
+Not but he 's working hard every day, with French and fortification and
+military surveying, with a fine old officer that served in the wars of
+the Empire,&mdash;Captain de la Bourdonaye,&mdash;a regular old soldier of Bony's
+day, that hates the English as much as any Irishman going. He comes and
+sits with me now and then of an evening, but there 's not much society
+in it, since we can't understand each other. We have a bottle of rum and
+some cigars between us, and our conversation goes on somewhat in this
+fashion:&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"Help yourself, Mounseer."
+</p>
+<p>
+A grin and bow, and something mumbled between his teeth.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Take a weed?"
+</p>
+<p>
+We smoke.
+</p>
+<p>
+"James is getting on well, I hope? Mon fils James improving, eh? Grand
+general one of these days, eh?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Oui, oui." Fills and drinks.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Another Bonaparte, I suppose?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Ah! le grand homme" Wipes his eyes, and looks up to the ceiling.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Well, we thrashed him for all that! Faith, we made him dance in Spain
+and Portugal. What do you say to Talavera and Vittoria?"
+</p>
+<p>
+Swears like a trooper, and rattles out whole volumes of French, with
+gestures that are all but blows. I wait till it 's over, and just say
+"Waterloo!"
+</p>
+<p>
+This nearly drives him crazy, and he forgets to put water in his glass;
+and off he goes about Waterloo in a way that's dreadful to look at. I
+suppose, if I understood him, I 'd break his neck; but as I don't, I
+only go on saying "Waterloo" at intervals; but every time I utter it,
+he has to blow off the steam again. When the rum is finished, he usually
+rushes out of the room, gnashing his teeth, and screaming something
+about St. Helena. But it 's all over the next day, and he 's as polite
+as ever when we meet,&mdash;grins, and hands me his tin snuff-box with the
+air of an emperor. They 're a wonderful people, Tom; and though they 'd
+murder you, they 'd never forget to make a bow to your corpse.
+</p>
+<p>
+You may imagine, from what I tell you, that I am very lonely here; and
+so I am. I never meet anybody I can speak to; I never see any newspaper
+I can read! I eat things without knowing the names of them, or, what's
+worse, what they are; and all this I must do for economy, while I could
+live for less than one-half the expense at Dodsburough!
+</p>
+<p>
+Mary Anne has just come to say that the doctors are agreed Mrs. D. must
+be removed; the noise of the town will destroy her. My only surprise is
+that she did n't discover it sooner. They speak of a place called Chaude
+Fontaine, seven miles away, and of a little watering-place called Spa.
+But I 'll not budge an inch till I have all the particulars, for I know
+well they 're all dying to be at the old work again,&mdash;tea-parties,
+and hired horses, and polkas, in the evening, and the rest of it. Lord
+George has arrived at Liège, and I would n't be astonished if he was at
+the bottom of it all; not but he behaved well in James's business. To
+deal with a Jew there 's nothing in the world like one of your young
+sprigs of nobility! Moses does n't care a bulrush for you or me; but
+when he hears of a Lord Charles or Lord Augustus, he alters his tone.
+It is that class which supplies his customers, and he dares not outrage
+them.
+</p>
+<p>
+I wish you saw the way he managed our friend Lazarus! He would n't look
+into his statement, read one of his accounts, or even bestow a glance at
+the bills.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I 'm up to all those dodges, Lazzy," said he; "it's no use coming that
+over <i>me</i>. What 'll you do it for?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Ah, my good Lord Shorge, you know better as me, that we cannot give
+away our moneys. Here are all the bills&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Don't care for that, Lazzy,&mdash;won't look at 'em. What 'll you do it
+for?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"If I lend my moneys at a fair per shent&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Well, what's the figure to be? Say it at once, or I'm off."
+</p>
+<p>
+"You 'll shurely look at my claims&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Not one of them."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Nor the bills."
+</p>
+<p>
+"No."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Nor the vouchers?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"No."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Oh dear! oh dear! how hard you are grown; and you so young and so
+handsome, so little like&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Never mind the resemblance, but answer me. How much?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"It 's impossible, my Lord Shorge!" "Will two hundred do? Well, two
+fifty?" "No, nor twelve fifty, my Lord. I will have my claim." "That 's
+what I want to come at, Lazzy. How much?" This process goes on for half
+an hour, without any apparent result on either side; when, at last, Lord
+George, taking out his pocket-book, proceeds to count various bank-notes
+on the table. The effect is magical; the sight of the money melts
+Lazarus,&mdash;he hesitates, and gives in. Of course his compliance does not
+cost him much; fifty per cent is the very lowest we escape for! But even
+at this, Tom, our bargain is a good one.
+</p>
+<p>
+I see it all, Tom; they are bent on getting to a watering-place, and
+that's exactly the very thing I won't stand. Our Irish notions on these
+subjects are all taken from Bundoran, or Kilkee, or Dunmore, or some
+such localities; and where, to say the least, there is not a great deal
+to find fault with. Tiresome they are enough; and, after a week or so,
+one gets wearied of always walking over ankles in deep sand,
+listening to the plash of the tide, or the less musical squall of some
+half-drowned baby, or sitting on a rock to watch some miraculous draught
+of fishes, that is sure to be sent off some twenty miles into the
+interior. These, and occasional pictorial studies of your acquaintances,
+in all the fascinations of oil-skin caps and wet drapery, tire at last.
+But they are cheap pleasures, Tom; and, as the world goes, that is
+something.
+</p>
+<p>
+Now, from all I can learn, for I know nothing of them myself, your
+foreign watering-place is just a big city taking an airing. The
+self-same habits of dress, late hours, play, dancing, debt, and
+dissipation; the great difference being that wickedness is cultivated in
+straw hats and Russia-duck, instead of its more conventional costume of
+black coat and trousers! From my own brief experience of life, I think a
+garden by moonlight is just as dangerous as a conservatory with colored
+lamps; and a polka in public is less perilous than a mountain excursion,
+even on donkeys! They 'll not catch me at that game, Tom!
+</p>
+<p>
+I have just discovered in "Cochrane's Guide"&mdash;for I have burned my "John
+Murray"&mdash;the very place to suit me,&mdash;Bonn on the Rhine. He says it has
+a pleasant appearance, and contains 1,300 houses and 15,000 inhabitants,
+and that the Star, kept by one Schmidt, is reasonable, and that
+he speaks English, and takes in the "Galignani,"&mdash;two evidences of
+civilization not to be despised.
+</p>
+<p>
+I think I see you smile; but that's the fact,&mdash;we come abroad to hunt
+after somebody we can talk to, or find a newspaper we can read, making
+actual luxuries of what we had every day at home for nothing.
+</p>
+<p>
+Besides these, Bonn has a university, and that will be a great thing for
+James, and masters of various kinds for the girls; but, better than all
+this, there's no society, no balls, no dinners, no theatre. The only
+places of public amusement are the Cathedral and the Anatomy House; and
+even Mrs. D. will be puzzled to get up a jinketing in them.
+</p>
+<p>
+I 'll write to Schmidt this evening about rooms, and I 'll show him that
+we are not to be "done," like your newly arrived Bulls; for I won't pay
+more than "four-and-six" a head for dinner; and plenty it is too. I
+wish we could have remained here; but now that the doctors have decided
+against it, there's no help. It is not that I liked the place,&mdash;Heaven
+knows I have no right to be pleased with it,&mdash;but I 'll tell you one
+great advantage about it: it was actually "breaking them all in to
+hate the Continent;" another month of this tinkering din, this tiresome
+<i>table d'hote</i>, and wearisome existence, and I 'd wager a trifle they 'd
+agree to any terms to get away. You 'd not believe your eyes if you saw
+how they are altered. The girls so thin, and no color in their cheeks;
+James as lank as a greyhound, and always as if half asleep; and myself,
+pluffy and full and short-winded, irascible about everything, and always
+thirsty, without anything wholesome to drink. But I 'd bear it all, Tom,
+for the result, or for what I at least expect the result would be. I
+'d submit to it like a course of physic, looking to the cure for my
+recompense.
+</p>
+<p>
+Shall I now tell you, Tom, that I have my misgivings about Mrs. D.'s
+illness? I was passing the lobby last night, and I heard her laughing
+as heartily as ever she did in her life, though it was only two hours
+before she had sent down for the man of the house to witness her will.
+To be sure, she always does make a will whenever she takes to bed; but
+this time she went further, and had a grand leave-taking of us all,
+which I only escaped by being wrapped up in blankets, under the
+"influence," as the doctors call it, of "tartarized antimony," of which
+I partook, to satisfy her scruples, before she would taste it. If I have
+to perform much longer as a pilot balloon, Tom, I 'm thinking I 'm very
+likely to explode.
+</p>
+<p>
+As for one word of truth from the doctors, I 'm not such a fool as to
+expect it. The priest or the physician that attends your wife always
+seems to regard <i>you</i> as a natural enemy. If he happen to be well bred,
+he conducts himself with all the observance due to a distinguished
+opponent; but no confidence, Tom,&mdash;nothing candid. He never forgets that
+he is engaged for the "opposite party."
+</p>
+<p>
+Your foreign doctor, too, is a dreadful animal. He has not the bland
+look, the soft smile, the noiseless slide, the snowy shirt-frill, and
+the tender squeeze of the hand, of our own fellows, every syllable of
+whose honeyed lips seems like a lenitive electuary made vocal. He is a
+mean, scrubby, little, damp-looking chap, not unlike the bit of dirty
+cotton in the bottom of an ink-bottle, the incarnation of black draught
+and a bitter mixture. He won't poison you, however, for his treatment
+ranges between dill-water and syrup of gum; in fact, to use the
+expressive phrase of the French, he only comes to "assist" at your
+death, and not to cause it. I have remarked that homoopathic fellows
+are more attentive to the outward man than the others, whatever be
+the reason. Their beards and whiskers are certainly not cut on the
+infinitesimal principle, and, assuredly, flattery is one of the
+medicaments they never administer in small doses. By the way, Tom, I
+wish this same theory could be applied to the distresses of a man's
+estate as well as that of his body. It would be a right comfortable
+thing to pay off one's mortgagees with fractional parts of a halfpenny,
+and get rid of one's creditors on the "decillionth" scale.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have now finished my paper, and I have just discovered that I have not
+answered one of your questions about home affairs; but, after all, does
+it matter much, Tom? Things in Ireland go their own way, however we may
+strive to direct and control them. In fact, I am half disposed to think
+we ought to manage our business on the principle that our countryman
+drove his pig,&mdash;turning his head towards Cork because he wanted him to
+go to Fermoy! Look at us at this moment. We never were so thoroughly
+divided as since we have enjoyed the benefits of a united education!
+</p>
+<p>
+If Tullylicknaslatterley must be sold, see that it is soon done; for
+if we put it off till November, the boys will be shooting somebody, or
+doing some infernal folly or other, that will take five years off the
+purchase-money. These Manchester fellows are always so terrified at
+what is called an outrage! Sure, if they had the least knowledge of the
+doctrine of chances, they 'd see that the estate where a man was shot
+was exactly the place there would be no more mischief for many a year to
+come. The only spot where accidents are always recurring is the drop in
+front of a jail.
+</p>
+<p>
+Try and persuade the Englishman to take Dodsborough for another year.
+Tell him Ireland is looking up, prices are improving, &amp;c. If he be
+Hibernian in his leanings, show him how teachable Paddy is,&mdash;how
+disposed to learn, and how grateful for instruction. If he be bitten
+by the "Times," tell him that the Irish are all emigrating, and that in
+three years there will neither be a Pat, a priest, nor a potato to be
+seen. As old Fitzgibbon used to say on our circuit, "I wish I had a
+hundred pounds to argue it either way!"
+</p>
+<p>
+I can manage to keep afloat for a couple of weeks, but be sure to remit
+me something by that time.
+</p>
+<p>
+Yours, ever sincerely,
+</p>
+<p>
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0018"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XIV. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQ., TRINITY COLLEGE, DUBLIN.
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    Liège, Tuesday Morning.
+</h3>
+<p>
+My dear Bob,&mdash;A thousand pardons for not answering either of your two
+last letters. It was not, believe me, that I have not felt the most
+sincere interest in all that you tell me about yourself and your doings.
+Far from it: I finished two bottles of Hock in honor of your Science
+Premium, and I have called a short-tailed hack Bob, after you, though,
+unfortunately, she happens to be a mare.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mine has been rather a varied kind of existence since I wrote last. A
+little in the draught-board style, only that the black checkers have
+rather predominated! I got "hit hard" at the Brussels races, lost twelve
+hundred at écarté, and had some ugly misadventures arising out of a too
+liberal use of my autograph. The governor, however, has stumped up, and
+though the whole affair was serious enough at one time, I fancy that we
+are at length over the stiff country, and with nothing but grass fields
+and light cantering laud before us.
+</p>
+<p>
+The greatest inconvenience of the whole has been that we 've been laid
+up here, "dismasted and in ordinary," for the last three weeks, during
+which my mother has made a steeple-chase through the Pharmacopoeia, and
+the governor finished all the Schiedam in the town. In fact, there
+has been nothing very serious the matter with her; but as we left the
+capital under rather unpleasant circumstances, we came in here to "blow
+off our steam," and cool down to a reasonable temperature. To reduce the
+budget and retrench expenditure, the choice was probably not a bad one,
+since we are housed, fed, and done for on the most reasonable terms; but
+the place is a perfect disgust, and there is actually nothing for a man
+to do, except to poke into steam-engines and prove gun-barrels.
+</p>
+<p>
+As for me, I never leave my room from breakfast till <i>table d'hôte</i>
+hour. My French master comes at eleven and stays till four. This sounds
+all very diligent and studious, and so thinks the governor, Bob. The
+real state of the case is, however, different. The distinguished
+officer of the Old Guard engaged to instruct me in military science and
+mathematics is an old hairdresser, who combines with his functions
+of barber the honorable duties of <i>laquais de place</i> and police spy,
+occasionally taking a turn at the "scholastic" whenever he is lucky
+enough to find any English illiterate enough to be his dupes. The
+governor heard of him from the master of the hotel, and took him
+especially for his cheapness. Such is the Captain de la Bourdonaye, who
+swaggers upstairs every morning with a red ribbon in his button-hole,
+and a curling-iron in his pocket; for I take good care, Bob, that as
+he cannot furnish the inside of my head, he shall at least decorate it
+without.
+</p>
+<p>
+I must say this is a most nefarious old rascal, and I have heard of more
+villany from him than I ever knew before. He knows all the scandal and
+gossip of the town, and retails it with an almost diabolical raciness.
+As I have already made use of him in various ways, we are bound to each
+other in the very heaviest of recognizances. He brought me yesterday a
+note from Lord George, who had just arrived here, but judged better not
+to see me till he had called on the governor. The Captain was once
+Lord G.'s courier, and, I believe, the chief mentor of his earlier
+Continental experiences.
+</p>
+<p>
+Lord George has behaved like a trump to me. He has brought away from
+Brussels all my traps, which, in the haste of my retreat, I had fancied
+fallen into the hands of the enemy. The brown mare Bob, a neatish
+dennet, two sets of single harness, a racing saddle, a lady's
+ditto, three chests of toggery, all my pipes and canes, and a
+bull-terrier,&mdash;the whole of which would have to-day been the chattels of
+Lazarus, had not Lord G. made out a bill of sale of them to himself, and
+got two "respectable" advocates to swear they were witnesses to it. The
+fun of this is, Lazarus saw all the knavery, and Tiverton never denied
+it! The most rascally transactions are dashed with such an air
+of frankness and candor, that, hang me! if one can regard them
+as transportable offences! I know all this would be infamous in
+England,&mdash;it would n't be quite right even in Ireland, Bob,&mdash;but here we
+are abroad, and the latitude warps morality just as the vicinity to the
+pole affects the compass.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have learned from Lord George that there are to be races at a place
+called Spa, about twelve miles off, and that if Bob were in training we
+might do a good thing among "les gentlemen riders," who certainly ride
+like neither gents nor jocks. George slipped his knee-cap at a gate the
+other day, and cannot ride; and how I am to get away from this for an
+entire day without the governor's knowledge, is more than I can see. I
+have told the Captain, however, that he must manage it somehow, or I
+'ll turn king's evidence and betray him; so that the case is not yet
+hopeless. Bob is exactly the kind of thing to walk into these fellows.
+She 's very nearly thoroughbred, but has a cock-tailed look about her,
+and, with a hogged mane and a short dock, is only, to all appearance,
+a clever hackney. I know well that these foreigners have got first-rate
+cattle,&mdash;they buy the very best of horses, and the smartest carriages of
+London; but what avails it? They can neither ride nor drive! They curb
+up a thoroughbred so that he 's thrown clean out of his stride, and they
+clap the saddle on his withers so that he is certain to come smash down
+if he tries to cross a furrow. You can imagine what hands they have,
+when I tell you that they all hold on by the head! Lord G., however, who
+knows them well, says that there 's no use in bringing over a good horse
+against them. They are confoundedly cautious, and what they lack in
+skill they make up in cunning; and if they heard of anything that ran
+second at Goodwood or Chester, they 'd "shut up" at once. It's only a
+"dodge" will do, he says, and I am certain nobody knows better than he
+does.
+</p>
+<p>
+Whenever they get pluck enough for hurdle-racing, there will be some
+money to be picked up abroad; but the prosperity won't last, for when
+one fellow breaks his neck there will be an end of it.
+</p>
+<p>
+I 'll not close this till I can tell you the success of our scheme for
+the races. Meanwhile to your questions, which, to make short work of, I
+'ll answer all at once. It's all very fine to talk about studying, and
+the learned professions; but how many succeed in them? Three or four
+swells carry off the stakes, and the rest are nowhere! Let me tell you,
+Bob, that the fellows that really do best in life never knew trade nor
+profession, except you can call Tattersall's yard a lecture-room, and
+short-whist a calling. There 's Collingwood 's got two hundred thousand
+with his wife; Upton, he 's netted thirty on the last Derby, and stands
+to win at least twelve more on the Spring Meeting. Brook&mdash;Shallow Brook,
+as you used to call him at school&mdash;has been deep enough to break the
+bank at Hamburg! I just wish you 'd show me one of your University dons
+who could do any one of the three! If it came to a trial of wits, the
+heads of houses would n't have houses over their heads. Believe me, Bob,
+the poet was right,&mdash;"The proper study of mankind is man!" and if he
+add thereto a little knowledge of horseflesh, there's no fear of him in
+this life!
+</p>
+<p>
+Look at the thing in another light too. The Church is only open to the
+Protestants; the bar is, then, the sole profession with great rewards;
+for as to the army and navy, they may do to spend money in and leave
+when you 're sick of them, but nothing else. Now the bar is awful
+labor,&mdash;ten or twelve hours a day for three or four years, as many more
+in a special pleader's office, six years after that reporting for the
+newspapers; and, perhaps, after three or four struggling terms you drop
+off out of the course altogether, and are only heard of as writing a
+threatening letter to Lord John Russell, or as our "own Correspondent at
+Tahiti"!
+</p>
+<p>
+As to physic, "I throw it to the dogs." It's not a gentlemanly calling!
+So long as a fellow can rout you out of bed at night for a guinea, it's
+all nonsense to talk about independence. Your doctor has n't even the
+cabman's privilege to higgle for a trifle more. Real liberty, Bob,
+consists in having no craft whatsoever. Like the free lances in the
+sixteenth century, take a turn of service wherever it suits you, but
+wear no man's livery. As Lord George remarks, whenever a fellow takes
+to that line of life the men are all afraid, and the women all delighted
+with him; he's so sure with his pistol and so lax in his principles,
+nothing obstructs his progress.
+</p>
+<p>
+This same glorious independence I am like enough to attain, since up
+to this moment I am a perfect gentleman, according to Lord George's
+definition; nor could I, by any means that I know of, support myself for
+twenty-four hours. You would probably remark that so blank a prospect
+ought to alarm me. Not a bit of it! I never felt more thoroughly
+confident and at ease than now as I write these lines. George's theory
+is this: Life is a round game, with some skill and a vast amount
+of hazard; the majority of the players are dupes, who, some from
+inattention, some from deficient ability, and others, again, from utter
+indifference, are easy victims to the few shrewd and clever fellows that
+never neglect a chance, and who know when to back their luck. "Do not be
+too eager," says George,&mdash;"do not be over-anxious to play, but just walk
+about and watch the game for a year or so, and only cut in when it suits
+you. By that time you have mastered the peculiar style of every man's
+play. You are up to all their weaknesses, and aware of where their
+strength lies; and if you can only afford to lose a little cash yourself
+at the start, and pass for a pigeon, your fortune is made!" This, of
+course, is but a sorry sketch of his system; for, after all, it requires
+his own dashing description, his figurative manner, and his flow of
+illustration, to make the thing intelligible. He is, in reality, a
+first-rate fellow, and may be what he chooses. All that I know of life I
+owe to his teaching; and I own to you I was in the "lowest form" when he
+began with me.
+</p>
+<p>
+The only thing that distresses me now, is the fear that Vickars
+may yield to the governor's solicitations, and give or get me
+something,&mdash;some confounded official appointment that would shut me up
+all day in a Government office, on mayhap one hundred and twenty per
+annum, with a promised increase of ten pounds when I attain the age of
+fifty. I 'd nearly as soon be in the hulks as the Home Office, and I 'm
+certain that pounding oyster-shells is just as intellectual, and a far
+more salubrious occupation than <i>précis</i> writing! The dread of such a
+destiny has induced me to take a rather bold step, and one which it
+is possible you will not exactly approve of. I have written myself a
+"private and strictly confidential" note to Vickars, to say that my
+father's application to him on my behalf never had my sanction nor
+approval; that I despise the Board of Trade, and hold the Customs
+uncommon cheap; and that although there are some gentlemen in what they
+call the diplomatic service, that all the juniors are snobs, and the
+grade above them&mdash;what George calls snoozers&mdash;old red-tapery fellows,
+that label their washing-bills "soap question," and send out their boots
+to be new soled in an old despatch-bag.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have added a few lines, by way of showing that my repugnance does not
+proceed from any disinclination to exertion or an active life, that I am
+quite ready to accept of a commission in the Guards, or any good post
+in the household, where my natural advantages might be seen and
+appreciated.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have not told Lord George about this, because he is tremendously
+opposed to my taking anything like office. He says it's not only "bad
+style," but a positive throwing away of oneself; since, whenever they do
+get a regularly clever fellow amongst them, they always keep him in some
+subordinate position. "They 'll just treat you the way they did Edmund
+Burke," he says; and though I'm not aware how that was, I am quite
+satisfied that it was a rascally shame! Our name, too, I own to you, in
+all frankness, is awfully against us. Lord George has advised me over
+and over to add a syllable or two to it; so I should, perhaps, if I were
+not living with the governor; but for the present I must submit.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Captain has just dropped in to tell me that all is arranged,&mdash;I am
+to have a fearful toothache, and be confined to bed for two days; and
+this, with heavy blankets and nitre whey, will take at least seven
+pounds off me. The governor is to be seduced into an excursion, to see
+the works of Seraing. We have contrived to have his card of admission
+dated for a particular day, and the hackney coachman has been bribed to
+break down on the way home, and detain him several hours. Lord George is
+to have a drag ready for me at the outside of Liège at eight o'clock
+and I hope to figure on the course by twelve! Mary Anne alone is in the
+secret. I was obliged to tell her, since without her aid I should have
+had no jacket; but she has cut up a splendid green satin of my mother's,
+which, with white sleeves and cap to match, will turn me out rather
+smart, and national to boot. Bob is already gone, and has had her
+canters for the last four mornings, so that who knows but that we shall
+do something?
+</p>
+<p>
+You describe to me the trepidation of heart you felt on going up for
+honors at college,&mdash;the fits of heat and cold, the tremblings, the
+sighings, the throbbings, and faintish-ness; trust me, Bob, it's all
+nothing to what one experiences on the eve of a race! <i>Your</i> contest
+is conducted in secret; your success or failure is witnessed by a few;
+<i>ours</i> is an open tournament, with thousands of spectators, who are,
+or who at least fancy that they are, most competent judges of the
+performance; and if it be a glorious thing to come sweeping past the
+grand stand amidst the vociferous cheers of a mighty host, to catch the
+fitful glance of waving hats and floating handkerchiefs as you dash by,
+it is a sorry affair to come hobbling along dead-lame or broke down,
+three hundred yards behind, greeted only by the scoffs of the multitude
+and the jokes of the greasy populace.
+</p>
+<p>
+Which of these fortunes is to be mine you shall hear before I seal this
+epistle; and now, for the present, adieu!
+</p>
+<p>
+Friday Evening I have just an hour before the post closes to announce to
+you my safe return here, though I greatly doubt if my swelled and still
+trembling fingers will make me legible. We started at cock-crow, and
+reached Spa for an early breakfast, having "tooled along" with a spicy
+tandem the thirteen miles in an hour. Before eight o'clock I had taken
+a hot bath, and reduced my weight nine pounds, having taken seven rounds
+of the race-course in a heavy fur pelisse of Lord George's. Twenty
+minutes more toiling, and some hot lemonade, completed my training, and
+left me by twelve o'clock somewhat groggy in gait and white about the
+gills, and, as George said, very much like a chicken boiled down for
+broth!
+</p>
+<p>
+Our game was not to bet on the general race, but to look on as mere
+spectators and see what could be done in a private match. This was not
+so easy, since these Belgian fellows were so intent on the "Liège St.
+Léger" and the "Spa Derby," and twenty other travesties of the like
+kind, that they would not listen to anything but what sounded at least
+like English sport. We had therefore to wait with all due patience
+for their tiresome races,&mdash;"native horses and native jockeys," as the
+printed programme very needlessly informed us. "Flemish mares and fat
+riders" would have been the suitable description.
+</p>
+<p>
+I had almost despaired of doing anything, when near five o'clock George
+came up to say that he had made a match for a hundred Naps, a side,&mdash;Bob
+against Bronchitis, twice round the course,&mdash;I to ride my own horse,
+and Count Amédée de Kaerters the other, he giving me twelve pounds and
+a distance. Not too much odds, I assure you, since Bronchitis is out of
+Harpsichord by a Bay Middleton mare.
+</p>
+<p>
+Before I had reached the stand, George had made a very pretty book,
+taking five, and even seven to two, against Bob, and an even fifty
+on her being distanced. Still I was far from comfortable when I saw
+Bronchitis; a splendid-looking horse, with a great slapping stride,
+light about the head, and strong in the quarters; just the kind of horse
+that wants no riding whatever, only to be let do his own work his own
+way.
+</p>
+<p>
+"The mare can't gallop with that horse, George!" said I, in a whisper.
+"She 'll never see him after the first time round!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I'm half afraid of that," said he, in the same low voice. "They told me
+he wasn't all right, but he's in top condition. We must see what's to
+be done." He smoked his cigar quite coolly for a minute or two, and then
+said, "Ah, here comes the Count! I have it, 'Jim!'"&mdash;he always calls me
+"Jim,"&mdash;"just mind me, and it will all come right."
+</p>
+<p>
+I was by no means convinced that everything was so safe, however; and
+had I been possessed of the fifty Naps. required, I should gladly have
+paid the forfeit. Fortunately, as it turned out, I had n't so much
+money; so into the scale I went, my heart being the heaviest spot about
+me!
+</p>
+<p>
+"Eleven two," said George; "we 'll say eleven."
+</p>
+<p>
+The Count weighed eleven stone four, which, with his added weight,
+brought him to upwards of twelve stone.
+</p>
+<p>
+"It's exactly as I suspected," whispered George to me. "The Belgian has
+weighed himself as if he was a gold guinea. He has been so anxious not
+to give you an ounce too much, that he has outwitted himself. All that
+you 've to do, Jim, is, ride at him every now and then; tease and worry
+the fellow wherever you can, and try if you can't take some of that
+loose flesh off him before it's over."
+</p>
+<p>
+I saw the scheme at once, Bob. I had nothing whatever to do but to save
+my distance to win the race; for it was clearly impossible that the
+Count could go twice round a mile course, and come in as heavy as he
+started.
+</p>
+<p>
+I must be brief, for my minutes are few. Would that you could have seen
+us going round!&mdash;I lying always on his quarter, making a rush whenever
+I got a bit of ugly ground, and, though barely able to keep up with him,
+just being near enough to worry him. He wasn't much of a rider, it is
+true, but he knew quite enough to see that he could run away from me
+whenever he liked; and so he did when he came to the last turn near
+home. Off he went at speed, pitching the mud behind him, and making my
+smart jacket something like a dirty draught-board. It was only by dint
+of incessant spurring and tremendous punishment that I was able to get
+inside the distance-post just as the cheering in front announced to me
+that he had passed the grand stand.
+</p>
+<p>
+<i>My</i> canter in&mdash;for I was so dead-beat it was only a canter&mdash;was
+greeted with a universal yell of derision. To have a laugh against the
+Englishman on a race-course was a national triumph of no mean order. "It
+was a 'set-off' against Waterloo," George said.
+</p>
+<p>
+In I came, splashed, splattered, and scorned, but not crestfallen, Bob,
+for one glance at my victorious rival satisfied me that all was safe.
+The Count was so completely fagged that he could scarcely get down from
+his horse, and when he did so, he staggered like a drunken man.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Come now, Count, into the scale!" cried Lord George; "show your weight,
+and let us pay our money!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I have weighed already," said the other. "I weighed before the start."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Very true," rejoined George, "but let us see that you are the same
+weight still."
+</p>
+<p>
+It required considerable explanation and argument to show the justice of
+this proposition, nor was it till a jury of English jocks decided in its
+favor that the Belgians were convinced.
+</p>
+<p>
+At last he did consent to get into the scale, and to the utter
+wonderment of all but the few English present, it was discovered that he
+had lost something like six pounds, and consequently lost the race.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was capital fun to see the consternation of the Belgians at the
+announcement. They had been betting with such perfect certainty; they
+had been giving any odds to tempt a wager; and there they were!&mdash;"in,"
+as George said, "for a whole pot of money."
+</p>
+<p>
+While they were counting down the cash, too, George kept assuring them
+that the lesson they had just received was "cheap as dirt;" "that it
+ought by right to have cost them thousands instead of hundreds, but that
+we preferred doing the thing in an amicable way." At such times, I
+must say, George is perfect. He is so cool, so courteous; so apparently
+serious, too, that even his sharpest cuts seem like civil speeches and
+kindly counsel. I never admired him more than when, having bought a
+courier's leather-bag to stuff the gold in, he slung it round his neck,
+and, taking leave of the party with a polite bow, said,&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"There are times, gentlemen, when one goes all the lighter for a little
+additional weight!"
+</p>
+<p>
+I scarcely remember how we reached Liège. It was almost one roar of
+laughter between us the whole road! And then such plans and schemes for
+the future!
+</p>
+<p>
+Luck stood by me to the last. I reached home before the governor, and in
+time to resume my bandages and my toothache. Mary Anne had taken care to
+have a very tidy bit of dinner ready; and now, while I sip my Bordeaux,
+I dedicate to you the last moments of my long and eventful day.
+</p>
+<p>
+I do not ask of you to write to me till you hear again, for there is no
+guessing where I may be this day fortnight. Vickars may possibly respond
+to my request; or I may find some complaisant doctor to order me to a
+distant watering-place, in which case I may get free of the Dodd family,
+who, I own to you, Bob, are a serious drawback on the progress and
+advancement of your
+</p>
+<p>
+Attached, but now wide-awake friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+James Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+Dodd père has just come home with a sprained ankle. The scoundrel of
+a coachee overdid his instructions, and upset the "conveniency" into a
+lime-kiln. I suppose I'll have to pay two or three Naps, additional for
+the damage.
+</p>
+<p>
+One good result, however, has followed: the governor is in such a rage
+that he has determined to leave this tomorrow.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0019"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XV. MISS DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN.
+</h2>
+<p>
+My dearest Kitty,&mdash;I do not, indeed, deserve your reproaches. Mine is
+not a heart to forget the fondest ties of early affection, nor would
+you charge me with this were you near me. But how can <i>you</i>, lying
+peacefully in the calm haven of domestic quiet, "sleeping on your
+shadow," as the poetess says, sympathize with one storm-tossed, and all
+but shipwrecked on the wild, wide ocean of life?
+</p>
+<p>
+Of the past I cannot trust myself to speak, and I must say, Kitty, if
+there be one lesson which the Continent teaches above all others, it is
+not to go over the bygone. A week ago, in foreign acceptation, is half
+a century; and he who remembers the events of yesterday rather verges
+on being a "bore" for his pains. Probably it is the intensity with which
+they throw themselves into the "present" that imparts to foreigners
+their incontestable superiority in all that constitutes social
+distinction,&mdash;their glowing enthusiasm even about what we should call
+trifles,&mdash;their ardor to attain what we should deem of little moment!
+</p>
+<p>
+If you were not to witness it, Kitty, you could n't believe what an
+odious thing your regular untravelled Englishman is. His pride, his
+stiffness, his self-conceit, his contempt for everybody and everything,
+from good breeding to grammar. Contrast him with your pliant Frenchman,
+your courteous German, or your devoted Italian; so smiling and so
+submissive, so grateful for the slightest mark of your favor, that
+you feel all the power of riches in the wealth of your smiles or the
+resources of your wit!
+</p>
+<p>
+And they are so ingenious in discovering your perfections! It is not
+alone the rich color of your hair, the arch of your eyebrow, or the
+symmetry of your instep, Kitty, but even the secret workings of your
+fancy, the fitful playings of your imagination: these they understand
+by a kind of magic. I really believe that the reason Englishmen do
+not comprehend women is that they despise and look down upon them.
+Foreigners, on the other hand, adore and revere them! There is a kind of
+worship paid to the sex abroad that is most fascinating.
+</p>
+<p>
+One reason for all this may be that in England there are so many roads
+to ambition quite separated from female influence. Now, here this is
+not the case. We are everything abroad, Kitty. Political, literary,
+artistic, fashionable,&mdash;as we will. We can be fascinating and go
+everywhere, or exclusive and only admit a chosen few. We can be deep
+in all the secrets of State, and exhausted with all the cares of the
+cabinet, or can be <i>lionnes</i>, and affect cigars and men society, talk
+scandal and <i>coulisses</i>, wear all the becoming caprices of costume, and
+be even more than men in independence.
+</p>
+<p>
+I see&mdash;or I fancy that I see&mdash;your astonishment at all that I am telling
+you, and that you half exclaim, "Where and how did Mary Anne learn all
+this?" I 'll tell you, my dearest Kitty, since even the expansion of
+heart to my oldest friend is not sweeter to me than the enjoyment of
+speaking of one whose very name is already a spell to me.
+</p>
+<p>
+You must know, then, that after various incidents, too numerous to
+recount, we left Brussels for Liège, where poor mamma was taken so ill
+that we were forced to remain several weeks. This, of course, threw
+a gloom over our party, and deprived me of the inestimable pleasure
+I should have felt in visiting the scenes so graphically described in
+Scott's delightful "Quentin Durward." As it was, I did contrive to make
+acquaintance with the old palace of the prince bishops, and brought
+away, as souvenir, a very pretty lace lappet and a pair of gold earrings
+of antique form, which I wanted greatly to suit a <i>moyen âge</i> costume
+that I have just completed, and of which I shall speak hereafter.
+</p>
+<p>
+Liège, however, did not agree with any of us. Mamma never slept at
+night; papa did little else than sleep day and night; poor James
+overworked himself at study; and Cary and myself grew positively plain!
+so that we started at last for Aix-la-Chapelle, intending to proceed
+direct to the Rhine. On arriving, however, at the "Quatre Saisons"
+Hotel, pa found an excellent stock of port wine, which an Englishman,
+just deceased, had brought over for his own drinking, and he resolved
+to remain while it lasted. There were fortunately only seven dozen, or
+we should not have got away, as we did, in three weeks.
+</p>
+<p>
+Not that Aix was entirely devoid of amusement. In the morning there is a
+kind of promenade round the bath-house, where you drink a sulphur spa to
+soft music; but, as James says, a solution of rotten eggs in ditch water
+is scarcely palatable, even with Donizetti. After that, you breakfast
+with what appetite you may; then you ride out in large parties of
+fifteen or twenty till dinner, the day being finished with a kind of
+half-dress, or no dress, ball at "the rooms." The rooms, my dear Kitty,
+require a word or two of description. They are a set of six or
+seven <i>salons</i> of considerable size, and no mean pretension as to
+architecture; at least, the ceilings are very handsome, and the
+architraves of doors and windows display a vast deal of ornament, but so
+dirty, so shamefully, shockingly dirty, it is incredible to say! In some
+there are newspapers; in others they talk; in one large apartment there
+is dancing; but the rush and recourse of all seem to two chambers, where
+they play at rouge-et-noir and roulette.
+</p>
+<p>
+I only took a passing peep at this pandemonium, and was shocked at the
+unshaven and ill-cared-for aspect of the players, who really, to my
+eyes, appeared like persons in great poverty; and, indeed, Lord George
+informs me that the frequenters of this place are a very inferior class
+to those who resort to Ems and Baden.
+</p>
+<p>
+I was not very sorry to get away from this; for, independently of
+other reasons, pa had made us very remarkable&mdash;I had almost said very
+ridiculous&mdash;before the first week was over. In order to prevent James
+from frequenting the play-room, papa stationed himself at the door,
+where he sat, with a great stick before him, from twelve o'clock every
+day till the same hour at night,&mdash;a piece of eccentricity that of course
+drew public attention to him, and made us all the subject of impertinent
+remarks, and indeed of some practical jokes: such as sudden alarms
+of fire, anonymous letters, and other devices, to seduce him from his
+watch.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was, therefore, an inexpressible relief to me to hear that we
+were off for Cologne,&mdash;that city of sweet waters and a glorious
+cathedral!&mdash;though I must own to you, Kitty, that in the first of these
+two attractions the place is disappointing. The manufacturers of the
+far-famed perfume would seem so successfully to have extracted the
+odor of the richly gifted flowers, that they have actually left nothing
+endurable by human nose! Of all the towns in Europe, it is, they tell,
+the very worst in this respect; and even papa, who between snuff and
+nerves long inured to Irish fairs and quarter sessions, is tolerably
+indifferent,&mdash;even he said that he felt it "rather close and stuffy."
+</p>
+<p>
+As for the cathedral, dearest, I have no words to convey my sensations
+of awe, wonderment, and worship. Yes, Kitty, it was a sense of soft
+devotional bewilderment,&mdash;a kind of deliciously pious rapture I felt
+come over me, as I sat in a dark recess of this glorious building,
+the rich organ notes pealing through the vaulted aisles, and floating
+upwards towards the fretted roof. Even Lord George&mdash;that volatile
+spirit&mdash;could not resist the influence of the spot, and he pressed my
+hand in the fervor of his feelings,&mdash;a liberty, I need scarcely tell
+you, he never would have ventured on under less exciting circumstances.
+</p>
+<p>
+Shall I own to you, Kitty, that this sign of emotion on his part
+emboldened me to a step that you will call one of daring heroism? I
+could not, however, resist the temptation of contrasting the solemn
+grandeur and gorgeous sublimity of <i>our</i> Church with the cold,
+unimpressive nakedness of <i>his</i>. The theme, the spot, the hour,&mdash;all
+seemed to inspire me, Kitty; and I suppose I must have pleaded
+eloquently, for his hand trembled, his head drooped, and almost fell
+upon my shoulder. I told him repeatedly that it was his reason I wished
+to convince,&mdash;that I neither desired to captivate his imagination nor
+engage his heart.
+</p>
+<p>
+"And why not my heart?" cried he, passionately. "Is it that&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+Oh, Kitty, who can tell what he would have said next, if a dirty little
+acolyte had not whisked round the corner and begged of us to move
+away and let him light two tapers beside a skull in a glass case? The
+officious little wretch might, at least, have waited till we had gone
+away; but no, nothing would do for him but he must illuminate his bones
+that very instant, and thus, probably, was lost to me forever the un
+speakable triumph I had all but accomplished.
+</p>
+<p>
+We arose and set out in search of our party, who were, it appeared,
+in quest of papa: nor was it for two hours that we found him. He had
+ascended the tower with us all, but instead of coming down when we did,
+he took a short turn on the leads, and, finding the door closed on his
+return, remained a prisoner there during all the time we were in search
+of him. There is no saying how much longer he might have passed in this
+captivity&mdash;for all his cries and shouts were unheard&mdash;had he not hit
+upon an expedient, not entirely devoid of danger, for his rescue. This
+was to tear off any loose tiles he could find, and hurl them over into
+the street beneath. Why and how nobody was killed by it we cannot guess,
+for it is a most crowded thoroughfare, and actually crammed with stalls
+of fruit and vegetables. The buttresses and projections of the cathedral
+probably arrested many of the missiles in their flight; but one, thrown
+I conjecture with extraordinary force, came bang on the roof of the
+archbishop's carriage, just as his Grace had got in, the noise and the
+shock almost depriving him of consciousness! Papa, however, knew nothing
+of all this, and was actually hard at work detaching a lead gutter when
+they rushed up and apprehended him.
+</p>
+<a name="image-0008"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/200.jpg" height="693" width="1090"
+alt="200
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+It was almost an hour before we could come to anything like a reasonable
+explanation of the incident, for papa insisted that he was the aggrieved
+person throughout, and raved about his action for false imprisonment.
+The dean of the cathedral demanded a handsome sum for reparation, and
+threw in a sly word about "sacrilege" if we demurred. Mamma, still weak
+and delicate, took to hysterics, while a considerable mob outside gave
+token of preparation to maltreat us on our exit. Under all these adverse
+conjunctures we thought it wiser to remain where we were till night; so
+we sent for something to the hotel, and made ourselves comfortable in
+the sacristan's room, where, the first shock over, we grew both merry
+and happy, Lord G., as usual, being the life of our party, by that
+buoyant exhilaration that really, Kitty, is the first of all nature's
+gifts.
+</p>
+<p>
+I already guess whither your thoughts are carrying you, Kitty! Have I
+not divined aright? You are calling to mind the night we passed at the
+old windmill at Gariff, when the bridge was earned away by the flood I
+I vow to you it was uppermost in my own thoughts too! It was there Peter
+first told me of his love! Never till that moment had I the slightest
+suspicion of his feeling towards me. I was young, artless, and
+confiding,&mdash;a mere child of nature! Indeed, I must say that he was not
+blameless in taking the advantage he did of my fresh and unsuspecting
+heart! What knew I of the world? How could I anticipate the position I
+was yet to hold in society, or how measure the degree of presumption by
+which he aspired to my hand?
+</p>
+<p>
+He has many excellent qualities of head and heart. I do not deny it; but
+the deceit he thus practised on me I can never forget I do not desire
+that you should tell him so. No, Kitty. The likelihood is that we may
+never meet again; and I do not wish that one harsh thought should
+mar the memory of the past! It may be that at some future time I can
+befriend and serve him; and he may rest assured that no station of life,
+however exalted and brilliant, will separate me from the ties of early
+friendship. Even now, I am certain, Lord George would oblige me on his
+behalf. Do you think, or could you ascertain, whether he would like
+to go out as surgeon to a convict ship? They tell me that these
+are excellent appointments, and admirably suited to young men of
+enterprising habits and no friends; and that, if they settle in the
+colony, they get several thousand acres of land, and as many natives as
+they can catch. From what I can learn, it would suit P. B., for he was
+always of a romantic turn, and fond of mutton.
+</p>
+<p>
+How my wandering fancies have led me away! Where was I? Oh, in the
+little vaulted chamber of the sacristan, with its quaint old wainscot
+and its one narrow window, dim and many-paned! It was midnight before
+we left it to return to our hotel, and then the streets were quite
+deserted, and we walked along in silent thoughtfulness, I leaning on
+Lord G.'s arm, and wishing&mdash;I know not well why&mdash;that we had two miles
+to go!
+</p>
+<p>
+We are stopping at the "Emperor," a very fine hotel that looks out upon
+the Rhine, and, as my window overhangs the river, I sat and gazed upon
+the rushing waters till nigh daybreak, occasionally adding a line
+to this scrawl to my dearest Kitty, and then wafting a sigh to the
+night-breeze as it stole along.
+</p>
+<p>
+And now, at length, and after all these windings and digressions, X
+come to what I promised to speak of in the early pail of this rambling
+epistle. We were at breakfast on the morning after what Lord G. calls
+our "cathedral service,"&mdash;for he persists in quizzing about it, and says
+that pa was practising to become a "minor canon," when a very handsome
+travelling-carriage drove up to the hotel door, attracting us all to
+the windows by the noise and clatter. It was one of those handsome
+britschkas, Kitty, that at once bespeak the style of their owner;
+scrupulously plain and quiet,&mdash;almost Quaker-like in simplicity, but
+elegant in form, and surrounded with all that luxury of cases and
+imperials that show the traveller carries every indulgence and comfort
+along with him.
+</p>
+<p>
+There was no courier, but a very smartly dressed maid, evidently French,
+occupied the rumble. While we stood speculating as to the new arrival,
+Lord George broke out with a sudden exclamation of astonishment and
+delight, and rushed downstairs. The next moment he was at the side of
+the carriage, from which a very fair, white hand was extended to him.
+It was very easy to see, by his air and manner, that he was on the most
+intimate terms with the fair traveller; nor was it difficult to detect,
+by the gestures of the landlord, that he was deploring the crowded state
+of the hotel, and the impossibility of affording accommodation. As is
+usual on such occasions, a considerable crowd had gathered,&mdash;beggars,
+loungers, luggage-porters, waiters, and stablemen, who all eagerly poked
+their heads into the carriage, and seemed to take a lively interest in
+what was going forward, to escape from whose impertinent curiosity Lord
+G. entreated the lady to alight.
+</p>
+<p>
+To this she consented, and we saw a very elegant-looking person, in a
+kind of half-mourning, descend from the carriage, displaying what James
+called a "stunning foot and ankle" as she alighted. We had no time to
+resume our seats at the breakfast-table, when Lord George rushed in,
+saying, "Only think, there 's Mrs. Gore Hampton arrived, and not a place
+to put her head in! Her stupid courier has, they say, gone on to Bonn,
+although she told him she meant to stay some days here."
+</p>
+<p>
+Now, my dearest Kitty, I blush to own that not one of us had ever heard
+of Mrs. Gore Hampton till that hour, although unquestionably, from the
+way Lord George announced the name, she was as well known in the great
+world as Albert Prince of Wales and the rest of the Royal Family. We,
+of course, however, did not exhibit our ignorance, but deplored and
+regretted and sorrowed over her misfortune, as though it had been what
+the "Times" calls "a shocking case of destitution."
+</p>
+<p>
+"It just shows," said Lord George, as he walked hurriedly to and fro,
+rubbing his hands through his hair in distraction, "that with every
+accident of fortune that can befall human beings,&mdash;rank, wealth, beauty,
+and accomplishment,&mdash;one is not exempt from the annoyances of life. If
+a man were to have laid a bet at Brookes's, that Mrs. Gore Hampton would
+be breakfasting in the public room of an hotel on the Rhine on such a
+day, he 'd have netted a pretty smart sum by the odds."
+</p>
+<p>
+"And is she?" cried three or four of us together. "Is that possible?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"It will be an accomplished fact, as the French say, in about ten
+minutes," cried he, "for there is really not a corner unoccupied in the
+hotel."
+</p>
+<p>
+We looked at each other, Kitty, for some seconds in silence, and then,
+as if by a common impulse, every eye was turned towards papa. Whatever
+his feelings, I cannot pretend to guess, but he evidently shrank from
+our scrutiny, for he opened the "Galignani," and entrenched himself
+behind it.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I'm sure that either Mary Anne or Cary," broke in mamma, "would
+willingly give up her room."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Oh! delighted,&mdash;but too happy too oblige," cried we together. But Lord
+George stopped us. "That's the worst of it; she is so timid, so fearful
+of giving trouble, and especially when she is not acquainted, that I 'm
+certain she could not bring herself to occasion all this inconvenience."
+</p>
+<p>
+"But it will be none whatever. If she could be content with one room&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"One room!" cried he,&mdash;"one room is a palace at such a moment But that
+is precisely the value of the sacrifice."
+</p>
+<p>
+We assured him, again and again, that we thought nothing of it; that the
+opportunity of serving any friend of his&mdash;not to speak of one so
+worthy of every attention&mdash;was an ample recompense for such a trifling
+inconvenience. We became eloquent and entreating, and at last, I
+actually believe, we had to importune him at least to give the lady
+herself the choice of accepting our proposition.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Be it so," cried he, suddenly; and, starting up, hurried downstairs to
+convey our message.
+</p>
+<p>
+When he had left the room, we sat staring at each other, as if
+profoundly conscious that we had done something very magnanimous and
+very splendid, and yet at the same time not quite satisfied that we had
+done it in the right way. Mamma suggested that papa ought to have gone
+down himself with our offer. <i>He</i>, on the contrary, said that it was
+<i>her</i> business, or that of one of the girls. James was of opinion that
+a civil note would be the proper thing. "Mrs. Kenny James Dodd, of
+Dodsborough, presents her respectful compliments," and so forth,&mdash;thus
+giving us the opportunity of mentioning our ancestral seat, not to speak
+of the advantage of rounding off a monosyllabic name with a sonorous
+termination. James defended his opinion so successfully that I actually
+fetched my writing-desk and opened it on the breakfast-table, when Lord
+George flung wide the door, and announced "Mrs. Gore Hampton."
+</p>
+<p>
+You may judge of our confusion, when I tell you that mamma was in her
+dressing-gown and without her cap; papa in his shocking old flannel
+<i>robe de chambre</i>, with the brown spots, which he calls his "Leprosy,"
+and a pair of fur boots that he wears over his trousers, giving him the
+look of the Russian ferryman we see in the vignette of "Elizabeth, or
+the Exiles of Siberia;" Cary and I in curl-papers, and "not fastened;"
+and James in a sailor's check shirt and Russia-duck trousers, with a red
+sash round him, and an enormous pipe in his hand,&mdash;a picturesque group,
+if not a pleasing one. I mention these details, dearest Kitty, less
+as to any relation they bear to ourselves, than for the sake of
+commemorating the inimitable tact of our accomplished visitor. To
+any one of less perfect breeding the situation might have seemed
+awkward,&mdash;almost, indeed, ludicrous. Mamma's efforts to make her scanty
+drapery extend to the middle of her legs; papa's struggles to hide his
+feet; James's endeavors to escape by an impracticable door; and Cary
+and myself blushing as we tried to shake out our curls,&mdash;made up a scene
+that anything short of courtly good manners might have laughed at.
+</p>
+<p>
+In this trying emergency she was perfect. The easy grace of her
+step, the elegant quietude of her manner, the courtesy with which she
+acknowledged what she termed "our most thoughtful kindness," were actual
+fascinations. It seemed as if she really carried into the room with her
+an atmosphere of good breeding, for we, magically as it were, forgot all
+about the absurdities of our appearance. Mamma thought no more of her
+almost Highland costume, papa crossed his legs with the air of an old
+elephant, and James leaned over the back of a chair to converse with
+her, as if he had been a captain of the Coldstreams in full uniform. To
+say that she was charming, Kitty, is nothing; for, besides being almost
+perfectly beautiful, there is a grace, a delicacy, a feminine refinement
+in her manner, that make you feel her loveliness almost secondary to her
+elegance. It seemed, besides, like an instinct to her, the way she fell
+in with all our humors, enjoying with keen zest papa's acute and droll
+remarks about the Continent and the habits of foreigners, mamma's
+opinions on the subject of dress and domestic economy, and James's
+notions of "fast men" and "smart people" in general.
+</p>
+<p>
+She repeatedly assured us that she concurred in everything we said, and
+gave exactly the same reasons for preferring the Continent to England
+that we did, instancing the very fact of our making acquaintance in this
+unceremonious manner, as a palpable case in point. "Had we been at the
+Star and Garter at Windsor, or the Albion at Brighton," said she,
+"you had certainly left me to my fate, and I should not have been now
+enjoying the privilege of an acquaintance that I trust is not destined
+to end here."
+</p>
+<p>
+Oh, Kitty! if you could but have heard the tone of winning softness with
+which she uttered words simple as these. But, indeed, the real charm of
+manner is to invest commonplaces with interest, and impart to the mere
+nothings of intercourse a kind of fictitious value and importance. She
+congratulated us so heartily on travelling <i>without</i> a courier,&mdash;the
+very thing we were at the moment ashamed of, and that mamma was trying
+all manner of artifices to conceal. "It is so sensible of you," said
+she, "so independent, and shows that you thoroughly understand the
+Continent. Travelling as <i>I</i> do,"&mdash;there was a sorrowful tenderness
+as she said this, that brought the tears to my eyes,&mdash;"travelling as
+I do,"&mdash;she paused, and only resumed after a moment of difficulty,&mdash;"a
+courier is indispensable; but <i>you</i> have no such necessity."
+</p>
+<p>
+"And Grégoire apparently wants to show you how well you could do without
+him," cried Lord George. "He has gone on to Bonn, and left you here to
+your destiny."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Oh, but he is such a good, careful old creature," said she, "that,
+though he <i>does</i> make fearful mistakes, I cannot be angry with him."
+</p>
+<p>
+"It's very kind of you to say so," resumed he; "but if <i>I</i> told him
+that I meant to stop at Cologne, and <i>he</i> went forward to order rooms at
+Bonn, I 'd break his neck when we met."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Then I assure you I shall do no such thing," added she, taking off her
+gloves, as if to show how unsuited her beautifully taper fingers, all
+glittering with gems, would be to any such occupation.
+</p>
+<p>
+"And now you 'll have to wait here for Fordyce?" said he, half angrily.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Of course I shall!" said she, with a sweet smile.
+</p>
+<p>
+Lord George made some rejoinder, but I could not hear it, to this; and
+so, Kitty, we all determined that instead of at once setting out for
+Bonn, we should stay and dine with Mrs. Gore Hampton, and not leave her
+till evening,&mdash;a kindness at which she really seemed overjoyed, thanking
+each of us again and again for our "dear good-nature."
+</p>
+<p>
+And now, Kitty, I have just left her to hasten off these lines by
+post hour. My heart is yet fluttering with the delight of her charming
+conversation, and my hand trembles as I write myself
+</p>
+<p>
+Your ever attached and fascinated friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+Mart Anne Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+Hôtel de l'Empereur, Cologne.
+</p>
+<p>
+P. S. Mrs. G. H. has just slipped, into my dressing-room to say that
+she is so sorry that we are going away; that she feels as if we were
+actually old friends already. She has, evidently, some secret sorrow;
+would that I knew how to console her!
+</p>
+<p>
+We are to write to each other; but I am not to show her letters to Cary:
+this she made an express stipulation. She thinks Cary "a sweet girl, but
+volatile;" and I believe, Kitty, that there is something of levity in
+her character, which is its greatest defect.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0020"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XVI. KENNY I. DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE ORANGE, BRUFF
+</h2>
+<p>
+My dear Tom,&mdash;There 's an old Turkish proverb, to the effect that,
+whenever a man finds himself happy, he should immediately sit down and
+write word of it to his friends; for the great likelihood is, that if he
+loses a post, he 'll have to change his note. Depend upon it, the adage
+has some truth in it! If, for example, I 'd have finished and sent off
+a letter I began to you last Wednesday, I 'd have given you a very
+favorable account of myself and our prospects here. The place seemed
+very much what we were looking for,&mdash;a quiet little University town on
+the bank of this fine river,&mdash;snug and comfortable, and yet, at the
+same time, not shut in, but with glorious expansive views on every
+side; shady walks for noonday, and hill rambles for sunset; museums
+and collections for bad weather occupation, and that kind of simple,
+unostentatious living that bespeaks a community of small fortunes and as
+small ambitions.
+</p>
+<p>
+A quaint-looking, half-shy, half-defiant look in the faces showed that
+if not very great or very rich folk, they still had other and perhaps
+not less sterling claims to worldly reverence; and so they have too!
+There are some of the first men, not only in Germany but in Europe,
+here, living on the income of a London butler, and letting the "first
+floor furnished" to people like the Dodd family.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is a great privation to me that I don't speak German, for something
+tells me we should suit each other wonderfully! Don't mistake me, Tom,
+and fancy that I am saying this out of any conceit in my abilities,
+or any false notion of my education. I believe, in my heart, I have as
+little of one thing as the other; and the only wise thing my father ever
+did was to take me away from Dr. Bell's when I was thirteen, and when
+he saw that putting Latin and Greek into me was like sowing barley in a
+bog,&mdash;a waste of good seed in a soil not fit for it. But I 'll tell you
+why I think I 'd get on well with these Germans. They seem to be a kind
+of dreamy, thoughtful, imaginative creatures, that would relish the dry,
+commonplace thoughts, and hard, practical hints of a man like myself.
+I could n't discuss a classical subject with them, nor talk about the
+varieties of the Greek dialects; but I could converse pleasantly enough
+about the difference between the ancients and ourselves in points of
+government and on matters of social life. I know little of books, but
+I 've seen a good deal of men; and if it be objected that they were
+chiefly of my own country, I answer at once, that, however strongly
+impressed with his nationality, there's not a man in any country of
+Europe so versatile, so many-sided, and so difficult to understand,
+as Paddy. Don't be frightened, Tom; I 'm not going off into the
+"ethnologies," and not a word will you hear from me about the facial
+angle, or frontal development! I 'm not speaking of Pat as if he were
+a plaster cast to be measured with a rule and marked with a piece of
+charcoal; I 'm talking of him as he is, in a frieze coat or one of
+broadcloth,&mdash;a sceptical, credulous, patient, headlong, calculating,
+impulsive, miserly spendthrift; a species of bull incarnate, that never
+prospers till he is ruined outright, and only has real success in life
+when all the odds are against him.
+</p>
+<p>
+Ireland 's birdlime to me,&mdash;I stick fast if I only touch it; and why
+ain't I back there, growling about the markets, cursing the poor-rates,
+and enjoying myself as I used to do? Doesn't it strike you, Tom, that
+we take more "out" of ourselves in Ireland&mdash;in the way of temper, I
+mean&mdash;than any other people we hear of in history? Paddy often reminds
+me of those cutters on the American lakes, where they saw across the
+timbers to give them greater speed; we go fast, it is true, but we
+strain ourselves terribly for the sake of it.
+</p>
+<p>
+And now to come back to Bonn: there is really much to like in it. It is
+cheap, it is quiet without seclusion, and there's no snobbery. You know
+what I mean, Tom. There 's not a tilbury, nor a tiger, nor a genteel
+tea-party in the town. I don't know of a single waistcoat with more
+than five colors in it; and, except James and the head waiter, there 's
+nobody wears diamond shirt buttons. In fact, if we must live out of our
+country, I thought that this was about the best spot we could fix upon.
+We made an excellent bargain at our hotel; ten pounds a week was to
+cover everything; no extras of any kind after that; so that at last I
+began to see my way before me, and perceive some chance of solving
+that curious problem that torments alike chancellors and country
+gentlemen,&mdash;how to meet expenditure by income.
+</p>
+<p>
+Masters in German, music, and mathematics, and other little odds and
+ends, took a couple of pounds more; and I allowed myself ten shillings
+a week for what the doctor calls "my little charities," that now
+resolve themselves into threepenny whist, or a game of ninepins with the
+Professor of Oriental languages. Even <i>you</i>, Tom&mdash;"Joe" as you are about
+the budget&mdash;couldn't pick a hole in this! Not that I want to give myself
+credit for a measure absolutely imperative; for, to say the truth, our
+late performances in Brussels were of the very costliest, and even
+Liège ran away with a deal of money. Doctors have about the same ideas
+respecting your cash account as your constitution. They never leave
+either in a state of plethora! Now, as I was saying, my letter, begun on
+Wednesday last, had all these details, and might have concluded with a
+flattering picture of James hard at his studies, and the girls not less
+diligently occupied with their music and embroidery,&mdash;the two resources
+by which modern ingenuity fancies it keeps female minds employed! As if
+Double-Bass or Berlin wool were disinfecting liquors! I could also have
+added that Mrs. D. had fallen into that peculiar condition which is
+natural to her whenever she finds a place stupid and unexciting, and
+what she fondly fancies to be a religious frame of mind; in other words,
+she took to reading her breviary, and worrying Betty Cobb about her
+duties; got up for five o'clock mass, and insisted upon Friday coming
+three times a week. I could bear all this for quietness' sake; and if
+fish diet could insure peace, I 'd be content to live upon isinglass for
+the rest of my days.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mrs. D., however, is not a woman to do things by halves; there's no John
+Russellism about her; and now that she had taken this serious turn, I
+saw clearly enough what was in store for us. I had actually ordered a
+small silk skull-cap, as a protection to my head, not knowing when I
+might be sent to do duty in a procession, when suddenly the wind veered
+round, and began to blow very fresh in exactly the opposite quarter.
+You must know, Tom, that just before we left Cologne we chanced to
+make acquaintance with a certain very fashionable person,&mdash;a Mrs. Gore
+Hampton. She was standing disconsolately to be rained on, in the street,
+when Lord George brought her upstairs to our rooms, and introduced her
+to us. She was, I must say, what is popularly called a very splendid
+woman,&mdash;tall, dark-eyed, and dashing, with a bewitching smile, and that
+kind of voice that somehow makes commonplaces very graceful. She had,
+too, that wonderful tact&mdash;wherever it comes from I can't guess&mdash;to suit
+us all, without seeming to take the slightest trouble about the matter.
+</p>
+<p>
+She talked to Mrs. D. about London fashionable life, just as if they had
+both been going out together for the last three or four seasons; ay,
+and stranger still, without even once puzzling her, or making her feel
+astray in the geography of this <i>terra incognita</i>. I conclude she was
+equally successful with the girls; and though she scarcely addressed a
+word to James, I suppose she must have made up for it by a look, for he
+has never ceased raving of her since.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have n't told you how she "landed" me, for I 'm not above confessing
+that I was as bad as the rest; but the truth is, Tom, I don't really
+know how I was caught. I am too old for these blandishments; they no
+more suit me now than a tight boot or a runaway hack; one gets too
+rheumatic and too stiff in the joints for homage after fifty; and
+besides that, there's a kind of croaking conscience that whispers,
+"Don't be making a fool of yourself, Kenny James!" and, between you and
+me, Tom, 't is well for us when we 're not too deaf to hear it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Besides this; Tom, it is only the fellows that never were in love when
+they were young that become irretrievably entangled in after life. If
+you want to see a true sexagenarian victim, look out for some hang-dog,
+downcast, mopish creature, or some suspectful, wary, crafty, red-haired
+rascal, that thought every woman had a trap laid for him. These are your
+hopeless cases; these are the men that always die in some mysterious
+manner, and leave wills behind them to be litigated for half a century.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Kenny Dodds of this world come into another category. They knew that
+love and the measles are mildest in young constitutions, and so they
+began early. Maybe it was in a firm reliance on this that I felt so easy
+about the widow,&mdash;if widow she be; for, to tell the truth, I don't yet
+know if Mr. Gore Hampton be to the fore or only has left her a memory of
+his virtues.
+</p>
+<p>
+I leave you to guess what impression she made upon me; for the more I
+go on trying to explain and refine upon it the less intelligible do I
+become. One thing, however, I must say,&mdash;these charming women are the
+ruin of Irishmen! Our own fair creatures, with a great share of good
+looks, and far more than ordinary agreeability, are not so dangerous as
+the English, and for this reason: in their demands for admiration they
+are too general; they&mdash;so to say&mdash;fire at the whole covey; now, your
+Englishwoman marks her bird,' and never goes home till she bags it!
+</p>
+<p>
+We were to have left Cologne that morning for Bonn, but so agreeably did
+the time pass, that we did n't start till evening, and even then it was
+quite tearing ourselves away; for the delightful widow&mdash;for widow I must
+call her till she shows cause to the contrary&mdash;hourly gained on us.
+</p>
+<p>
+She was obliged to wait there for some lawyers or men of business that
+were to follow her with papers to sign; and although Lord George did his
+best to persuade her that she might as well come on with us,&mdash;that Bonn
+was only fifteen miles farther,&mdash;she was firm, and said that "Old Mr.
+For-dyce was a great prig, and when she had once named Cologne for their
+meeting, she would have travelled from Naples rather than break the
+appointment." I own to you, there was a tenacity and determination in
+all that which pleased me. Maybe the great charm of it was that it was
+very unlike what I 'd have done myself!
+</p>
+<p>
+The whole way to Bonn we talked of nothing but her, the discussion being
+all the more unconstrained that Lord George had stayed behind, and
+was only to come up the next morning. We were agreed upon a number
+of points: her beauty, her elegance, the grace and fascination of her
+manner, and her high breeding; but we took different views as to her
+condition,&mdash;Mrs. D. and the girls thinking that she was married, James
+and I standing out for widowhood. Lord George joined us the next day;
+and although he could have resolved our doubts at once, Mary Anne
+stopped all inquiry, by assuring us that nothing was so hopelessly
+vulgar as to display any ignorance about the family or connections of
+people of rank. "If she be in the peerage, we ought to know her, and all
+about her. She is, of course, some Augusta Louisa, b. 18 and dash; m. to
+the Honorable Leopold Conway Gore Hampton, third son, and so on." In a
+word, Tom, we had the whole family tree before us, from its old gnarled
+root to its last bud, and ours the shame if we were ignorant of its
+botanical properties!
+</p>
+<p>
+A few quiet humdrum days of Bonn existence had almost obliterated our
+memory of the charming widow, and we were beginning to "train off"
+our attachments to fashionable life, when, in all the splashing and
+whip-cracking of foreign posting, up dashes the dark green britschka
+to our hotel one fine evening; and before we could well recognize the
+carriage, the fair owner herself was making the tour of the Dodd family,
+embracing and hand-shaking, as age and sex dictated!
+</p>
+<p>
+I wish any physiologist would explain why the English, that are so
+proverbial for a cold and chilling demeanor at home, grow at once so
+cordial when they come abroad. Whether it be the fear of the damp, or
+the swell mob, I can't tell, but everybody in England goes about with
+his hands in his pockets, and only nods to a friend when he meets him;
+whereas here you start with a grin at fifty yards off, then off goes
+your hat with a flourish, that, if you have any tact, what with shaking
+your head, and looking overcome with delight, occupies you till you come
+up with him, when your greeting grows more enthusiastic,&mdash;lucky if it
+does not finish with a kiss on both cheeks.
+</p>
+<p>
+I suppose it was the influence of habit betrayed me, for, in a fit of
+abstraction, I took the charming widow into my arms, and saluted her as
+if she were Mrs. Dodd. If this was in London, Tom, or even in Dublin,
+there 's no saying what mischief might not have grown out of it. I might
+have been fighting duels every day for the last week, not to mention
+still more formidable encounters of a domestic nature; but just to show
+you what the Continent does for us,&mdash;how instinctively, as it were, we
+rise above the little narrow prejudices of our insular situation,&mdash;she
+threw herself into a chair and laughed immoderately. Ay, and droller
+again, so did Mrs. D.! To tell you the truth, Tom, I could n't well
+believe my senses when I saw it. It would seem to be the same in morals
+as in murder,&mdash;you can dignify the offence by the rank of your victim;
+for if it had been one of the maids at home, Mrs. D. would have left my
+face like a piece of music paper!
+</p>
+<a name="image-0009"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/214.jpg" height="579" width="707"
+alt="214
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+There 's a great deal in how you open an acquaintance! You may be
+card-leaving, and bowing, and how-d'ye-doing for years, and never get
+farther; or, on the other hand, by some lucky accident, you come plump
+down into the right place, just as a chance shell will now and then drop
+into a magazine, and finish an engagement at once.
+</p>
+<p>
+In less than an hour after her arrival, Mrs. Gore Hampton was one of
+ourselves. It was not that she was calling the girls dearest Cary, and
+darling Mary Anne, but she had got a regular sisterly tone with Mrs. D.
+and myself&mdash;treating James all the while as if he was about twelve years
+old, and at home for the holidays. She had not only done all this, but
+before luncheon was on the table we had ratified a solemn league
+and covenant that she was to travel with us, and be one of us, going
+wherever we went, and living as we did. How the treaty was ever mooted,
+who proposed, and who signed it, I know no more than the man in the
+moon. It was done in a kind of rattling, bantering fashion; and when we
+rose from table it was all settled. Mrs. Gore Hampton was to take
+Cary and Mary Anne with her in the britschka; the "dear boy"&mdash;viz.
+James&mdash;would be the "guard in the rumble." There was a place for
+everybody and everything; and I believe, if any one had proposed that I
+should ride the leader, it would have been carried without opposition.
+Never was there such unanimity! The whole arrangement was huddled up
+like a road-presentment on a Grand Jury, or a private bill before the
+House on a "Wednesday afternoon. As for myself, if I had even the will,
+I could not have summoned the shamelessness to offer any opposition to
+the measure.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Devilish good thing for you, Dodd!" whispered Lord George. "Mrs. G.
+knows everybody in the world, and doesn't care for money."&mdash;"Oh, papa!
+she is delightful; there never was such a piece of good fortune as our
+meeting with her," cried Mary Anne. And Mrs. D. assured me that, for
+the very first time in her life, she had met a person thoroughly
+companionable to her in all respects; in fact, a "kindred soul," though
+not a "blood relation."
+</p>
+<p>
+Now, Tom, considering that we came abroad to enjoy the advantages of
+high society, fashionable habits, and * refined associations, this
+accident did indeed seem a propitious one; for, disguise it how we may,
+the great world is a dangerous ocean to venture upon without a pilot.
+Our own little experiences might teach that lesson. We sailed out in all
+the confidence of a stout crew and a safe vessel, and a pretty voyage
+we made of it! Perhaps we did not make more mistakes than our neighbors,
+but assuredly our blunders were neither few nor insignificant!
+</p>
+<p>
+Mrs G., however, would soon rectify all this. "No more making
+acquaintance with wrong people, K. I." says Mrs. D.; "no more getting
+into vulgar intimacies at the <i>café</i>, and cementing friendships over a
+game of dominos. James will know the class of young men that he ought
+to mix with, and the girls will only dance with suitable partners." It
+sounded well, Tom! It was a grand protective policy, that really secured
+the Dodd family in the possession of all home advantages, and relieved
+them of all aggressions "from the foreigner."
+</p>
+<p>
+If we had fallen on a prize in the lottery, I don't think the joy of our
+circle could have been greater. I am not going to pretend that I did n't
+join in it! I make no affectation of prudent reserve and caution, and
+Heaven knows what other elegant qualities, that, however natural to
+other people, very seldom fall to the lot of an Irishman. I vow to you,
+Tom, I went off full cry like the rest of the pack. She is a fine woman,
+this Mrs. Gore Hampton; she has a low, soft voice, a very bewitching
+smile, and a way of looking at you while you are talking to her, that
+somehow half suggests to yourself that you must be making love without
+knowing it. Now, don't misunderstand me, Tom, and come out with one of
+your long whistles, as much as to say, "Kenny James is as great a fool
+as ever!" No such thing! a suit in Chancery, the repeal of the corn
+laws, and the Estates Court, have made me an altered man. The very
+nature of me is changed, and changed so much that many's the time I ask
+myself, "Is this Kenny Dodd? Where upon earth is that light-hearted,
+careless, hopeful vagabond, that always took the sunny road in life,
+though maybe it was n't exactly the way to the place he was going?" I'm
+another man now; I 'm wiser, as they call it; and, upon my conscience, I
+'m mighty sorry for it!
+</p>
+<p>
+But I hear you say, "Have n't you just confessed that you were&mdash;what
+shall I call it?&mdash;fascinated by the widow?"
+</p>
+<p>
+And if I did, Tom Purcell, do you mean to tell me that you would have
+escaped her? Not a bit of it. The brown wig would have been set a little
+more forward, so as to bring one of those silky curls over your
+right eye. I think I see you exchanging your spectacles for a double
+eye-glass, and turning out your toes so as to display to the best
+advantage that shapely calf in its trim brown silk stocking. Ah, Tom!
+not even quarter sessions and a rate in aid will drive these thoughts
+out of an Irishman's head.
+</p>
+<p>
+From the moment that this new alliance was signed, we entered upon a
+new existence. Bonn, as I have told you, was a quiet little collegiate
+place, with primitive habits of no very expensive kind. The chief
+pleasures were weak wine in a garden, or small whist in a summer-house,
+with now and then an "aesthetic tea," as they phrase it, at the
+Pro-Rector's; of which, of course, I understand nothing, but sincerely
+hope the discourse was better than the beverage. It was, I own it,
+Tom, a strange kind of life, that seemed to me always like a moral
+convalescence, when you were only strong enough for small virtues. One
+undoubted advantage it had,&mdash;it was inexpensive, Tom. We were living,
+with few comforts and some privations, I confess, at only one-third more
+than we used to spend at Dodsbor-ough; and, considering that we know
+nothing of the language, I conclude that we were enjoying the Continent
+as cheaply as was practicable.
+</p>
+<p>
+I won't pretend that it suited me. I don't want you to believe that I
+was taking a scientific or a studious turn. Still I liked the place for
+one thing, which was this,&mdash;its quiet monotony, its placid, unvarying
+simplicity was telling upon Mrs. D. and the children in an astonishing
+manner. It was exactly the way that the water-cure works its wonders
+with old drunkards; the mountain air, the light diet, and the early
+hours being the best of the remedy. They were getting into a healthy
+state of mind without ever suspecting it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Our grand junction, as Cary calls it, finished this; from the day Mrs.
+G. arrived our reforms began. First, we had to change our hotel, and
+betake ourselves to one on the river-side, three times as dear, and not
+one-fourth as good.
+</p>
+<p>
+The second story was fine enough for us before; now we have the whole
+"premier," taking two rooms more than we want, lest anybody should live
+on the same floor with us. Instead of the <i>table d'hôte</i>, that was cheap
+and cheerful, we were to dine upstairs,&mdash;"a particular dinner," as they
+call what is particularly bad, and costly besides. Then we have had to
+hire two lackeys, one of whom sits in an anteroom all day reading
+the newspaper, and only rises to make me a grand bow as I pass; which
+worries me so much that I usually go down by the back stairs to escape
+him.
+</p>
+<p>
+We have two job coaches, for we are too many for one, and a boat hired
+by the week, with a considerable retinue of mountain ponies and donkeys,
+guides, goats, whey-sellers, and geological specimen-folk without end.
+If Mrs. G. was only fashionable, we could n't be more than ruined; but
+she is learned and literary, and given to the "ologies," Tom, and that's
+what I fear will drive us clean mad. She has an eternal restlessness in
+her to be at something; one day, it's the date of a medal; the next, it
+is the family connections of a "moss," or the chemistry of a meteoric
+stone; and, shall I own to you, my dear friend, that I don't believe
+she either understands or cares one jot about them all? There 's a big
+herbarium bound in green, and a grand book of autographs in blue and
+gold, on the drawing-room table; there's a bit of "gneiss," a big
+beetle, and a fossil frog on the chimney-piece; but my name isn't
+Kenny Dodd if she has n't more sympathies with modern dandies than
+antediluvian monsters. That's my private opinion;» and, of course, I
+mention it in confidence. You 'll say, "What matter is that to you?"
+and, true enough, it is not, as regards her; but what will become of
+us, if Mrs. D. takes a turn for entomology or comparative anatomy, and
+worse, maybe? She's just the kind of woman to do it. She'd learn the
+tight-rope if she thought it was fashionable, or, as the newspapers say,
+"patronized by the aristocracy." Now, Tom, you can fancy the unknown
+sea upon which we have embarked. For, however unadapted we may be to
+fashionable life, one thing is quite clear,&mdash;we never were made for the
+abstract sciences; and it strikes me forcibly that the great lesson of
+Continental life is that everybody can do everything. I am not going to
+say that it is not a pleasant and a very flattering theory, but is it
+quite safe, Tom? That's the question. The highest step I ever attained
+in chemistry was how to concoct a tumbler of punch; and my knowledge of
+botany does not go far beyond distinguishing "greens" from geraniums;
+and it's not at my time of life that I'm to drive myself crazy with
+hard names and classifications; and if I know anything of Mrs. D., her
+intellectual faculties have attained all the vigor that nature meant for
+them many a year ago.
+</p>
+<p>
+My own private opinion about these sciences is, they 're capital things
+for employing young people, and keeping them out of wickedness! The
+fellows that teach them, too, are musty, snuff-taking, prosy old dogs,
+with heavy shoes and greasy cravats,&mdash;the very reverse of your race of
+dancing and music masters, who are a pestilent crew! So that, for a
+man who has daughters abroad, my advice is&mdash;stick to the sciences.
+Gray sandstone is safer than the polka, and there's not as dangerous
+an experiment in all chemistry as singing duets with some black-bearded
+blackguard from Naples or Palermo. Now mind, Tom, this counsel of mine
+applies to the education of the young; for when people come to the
+forties, you may rely upon it, if they set about learning anything, they
+'ll have the devil for a schoolmaster. What does all the geology mean?
+Junketing, Tom,&mdash;nothing but junketing! Primitive rock is another name
+for picnic, and what they call quartz is a figurative expression for
+iced champagne. Just reflect for a moment, and see what it comes to.
+You can enter a protest against family extravagances when they take the
+shape of balls and soirees, but what are you to do against botanical
+excursions and antiquarian researches? It 's like writing yourself down
+Goth at once to oppose these. "Oh, papa hates chemistry; he despises
+natural history," that's the cry at once, and they hold me up to
+ridicule, just in the way the rascally Protestant newspapers did Dr.
+Cullen for saying that he did n't believe the world was round. If the
+liberty of the subject be worth anything,&mdash;if the right for which the
+same Protestants are always prating, private judgment, be the great
+privilege they deem it,&mdash;why should n't Dr. Cullen have his own opinion
+about the shape of the earth? He can say, "It suits <i>me</i> to think I 'm
+walking erect on a flat surface, and not crawling along with my head
+down, like a fly on the ceiling! I 'm happier when I believe what does
+n't puzzle my understanding, and I don't want any more miracles than
+we have in the Church." He may say that, and I'd like to know what harm
+does that do you or me? Does it endanger the Protestant succession or
+the State religion? Not a bit of it, Tom. The real fact is simply this:
+private judgment is a boon they mean to keep for themselves, and never
+share with their neighbors. So far as I have seen of life, there's no
+such tyrant as your Protestant, and for this reason: it's bad enough
+to force a man to believe something that he doesn't like, but it's ten
+times worse to make him disbelieve what he's well satisfied with; and
+that's exactly what they do. Even on the ground of common humanity it is
+indefensible. If my private judgment goes in favor of saints' toe-nails
+and martyrs' shin-bones, I have a right to my opinion, and you have
+no right to attack it. Besides, I won't be badgered into what may suit
+somebody else to think. My opinion is like my flannel waistcoat, that
+I'll take off or put on as the weather requires; and I think it very
+cruel if I must wear <i>mine</i> simply because <i>you</i> feel cold.
+</p>
+<p>
+I get warm&mdash;I almost grow angry&mdash;when I think of these things; and I
+wonder within myself why our people don't expose them as they might.
+Not that some are not doing the duty well and manfully, Tom. M'Hale is a
+glorious fellow; and for blackguarding a Prime Minister, for a real good
+effective slanging, it's hard to find his equal. He never embarrasses
+himself with logic,&mdash;he wastes no time in arguing, but "goes in" at
+once, and plants his blow between the eyes! That's what the English
+can't stand. They want discussion. They are always fishing for evidence
+for this, and a proof of that; but come down on them with a strong
+torrent of foul abuse, and you sweep them away like mud in a mill-race.
+</p>
+<p>
+That's where we always beat them in our controversial discussions, Tom;
+and we never failed so long as we relied on this superiority. It was
+like the bayonet in the hands of our infantry.
+</p>
+<p>
+Is n't it strange how I get back to Ireland in spite of me? I 'm like
+that madman in the story that can't keep Charles the First out of his
+memorial? And, after all, why should I? Is there anything more natural
+than to think of my country, if I can't manage to live in it? And this
+reminds me to ask you about home matters. What was it you wrote at the
+end of your letter about Jones McCarthy? I can't make out the word,
+whether it is his "death," or his "debts;" though, from my experience of
+the family, I surmise it to be the latter. If it's dead he is, I suppose
+we 'll come in for that blessed legacy that Mrs. D. has been talking
+about every day for the last twenty-five years, the history of which I
+have heard so often that I actually know nothing about it, except that
+it was the only bit of property possessed by my wife's relations they
+couldn't make away with. It was so strictly "tied up," as they call it
+in law, that nobody could ever get the use of it,&mdash;pretty much like the
+silver sixpence given to a schoolboy, with the express stipulation that
+he is never to change it.
+</p>
+<p>
+I am rather curious to know what Mrs. D. will think of these "wise
+provisions" of her ancestors, if she succeeds to the bequest. To tell
+you the plain truth, Tom, I don't know a greater misfortune for a man
+that has married a wife without money, than to discover at the end of
+some fifteen or twenty years that somebody has left her a few hundred
+pounds! It is not only that she conceives visions of unbounded
+extravagance, and raves about all manner of expense, but she begins to
+fancy herself an heiress that was thrown away, and imagines wonderful
+destinies she might have arrived at, if she had n't had the bad luck to
+meet you. For a real crab-apple of discord, I 'll back a few hundreds in
+the Three per Cents against all the family jars that ever were invented.
+Save us then from this, if you can, Tom. There must surely be twenty
+ways to avoid the legacy; and so that Mrs. D. does n't hear of it, I 'd
+rather you 'd prove her illegitimate than allow her to succeed to this
+bequest I 'll not enlarge upon all I feel about this subject, hoping
+that by your skill and address we may never bear more of it; but I tell
+you, frankly, I 'd face the small-pox with a stouter heart than the news
+of succeeding to the M'Carthy inheritance.
+</p>
+<p>
+There are many other matters I intended to write about, but I believe I
+must keep them for the next time; such as the plan for taking away the
+Church property, and the income-tax for Ireland; and that business of
+the Madiais, that I read of in the papers. So far as I have seen, Tom,
+the King of Tuscany&mdash;if that be his name&mdash;was right. There were plenty
+of books the Madiais might have read without breaking the laws. There
+are translations of all the rascally French novels of the day, from
+Georges Sand down to Paul de Kock; and if they wanted mischief, might
+n't these have satisfied them? But the truth is, Protestants are never
+easy without they are attacking the true Church, and if there were more
+of them sent to the galleys, the world would be all the quieter.
+</p>
+<p>
+You amaze me about the Great Exhibition for this year in Dublin. Faith!
+I remember when I used to think that the less we exhibited ourselves the
+better! I suppose times are changed. I think, if I could send Mrs. D.
+over as a specimen of Continental plating on Irish manufacture, she 'd
+deserve a place, and maybe a prize.
+</p>
+<p>
+Well, well! it's a queer world we live in. They 've just come to tell
+me that the man of the post-office has shut up an hour earlier, as he is
+engaged out to dine, so that I 'll keep this open till to-morrow's mail.
+</p>
+<p>
+Wednesday Morning. I suspect that the mischief is done, Tom,&mdash;I mean
+about the legacy. Mrs. D. received a strange-looking, square-shaped,
+formally addressed epistle this morning, the contents of which, not
+being a demand for money, she did not communicate to me. She and Mary
+Anne both retired to peruse it in secret, and when they again appeared
+in the drawing-room, it was with an air of conscious pride and
+self-possession that smacked terribly of a bequest I own to you, the
+prospect alarms me; it may be that my fears take an exaggerated shape,
+but I can't shake off the impression that this is the hardest trial I
+had ever to go through.
+</p>
+<p>
+I know her in most of her moods, Tom, and have got a kind of way
+of managing her in each of them,&mdash;not very successful, perhaps, but
+sufficiently so to get on with. I have seen her in straits about money;
+I have seen her in her jealous fits; I have seen her in her moments
+of family pride; and I have repeatedly seen her on what she calls
+"her dying couch,"&mdash;an opportunity she always seizes to say the most
+disagreeable things she can think of, so that I often speculate what she
+'d say if she was really going off: but all these convey no notion to me
+of how she 'd behave if she thought herself rich. As for our poverty, we
+never knew anything else; the jealousy I 'm getting used to; the
+family pride often gives me a hearty laugh when I 'm alone; and I am
+as hardened about death-bed scenes as if I was an undertaker. It's the
+prosperity I have n't strength for, Tom; and I feel it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Maybe, after all, it's only false terror alarms me. I hope it may turn
+out so; and in this last wish I am sure of your hearty sympathy and good
+feeling.
+</p>
+<p>
+Ever yours, most sincerely,
+</p>
+<p>
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0021"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XVII. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    The Rhine Hotel, Bonn.
+</h3>
+<p>
+MY dear Molly,&mdash;If my well-known hand did not strike you, the sight of
+all the black around this letter, and the mourning seal, might suggest
+the thought that your poor Jemima was no more. Your next impression
+will be that Providence had sent for K. I. No, my dear Molly, I am still
+reserved for more trials in this vale of tears. I must bear my burden
+further! As for K. I., he's just as he used to be,&mdash;croaking away about
+the pain in his toe, or a gouty cramp in his stomach. He's always taking
+things that disagrees with him, and what he calls the "correctives"
+makes him worse. I cannot give you the least notion of how irritable he
+'s grown. You know as well as anybody the blessings he has about him. I
+don't speak of myself, nor the stock I came from. I don't want to
+revive the dreadful mistake that I made in my youth, nor to mention
+the struggles I 've had with him on every subject for more than
+five-and-twenty years,&mdash;struggles, my dear Molly, that would have killed
+any one that had n't the constitution of a horse; but that now, thanks
+to the goodness of Providence, have become a part of my nature, so that
+there is n't an hour of the day or night that I 'm not able and willing
+to dispute and argue with him on any question whatsoever. I don't want
+to mention these blessings,&mdash;but is n't there James and Mary Anne, and,
+indeed, except for some things, Caroline,&mdash;was there ever a father with
+more reason to be proud? And so you 'd say if you only saw them. As a
+dear friend of mine, Mrs. Gore Hampton, said this morning, "Where
+will you see such natural advantages?" And I must own, Molly, it's not
+flattery; for the way they talk French and waltz, even how they come
+into a room, salute, or sit down, has something in it that shows them to
+be brought up in the top of fashion.
+</p>
+<p>
+Any other man than K. I. would overflow with gratitude for all this, but
+you 'd scarcely believe, Molly, he only ridicules it!
+</p>
+<p>
+"If we meant her for the stage," says he,&mdash;this is the way he talks of
+Mary Anne,&mdash;"if we meant her for the stage, I think she has effrontery
+enough to stand before a full house, and I don't say it would discompose
+her; but for the wife of some respectable man of the middle rank, I see
+no use in all this flouncing about here, and flourishing there,
+whisking through a room, upsetting small tables and crockery by way of
+gracefulness, and never sitting down on a chair till she has spread out
+her petticoats like a peacock!"
+</p>
+<p>
+If I 've said it once to him, Molly, I 've said it fifty times, there's
+nothing I despise so much as a respectable man in the middle rank.
+There's no refinement about them,&mdash;no elegance! They may be what's
+called estimable in their families; but what's the use of all that for
+the world at large? A man can only have one wife, but he may have a
+thousand acquaintances. We don't ask how amiable he is at home; what we
+want is, that he should be delightful abroad. "That," says Lord George,
+"is true, both socially and economically; it's the grand principle
+that everybody stands up for, 'the greatest happiness of the greatest
+number!'" And talking of this, I 'd strenuously advise your cultivating
+your mind on matters of political economy. It appears dry and
+uninteresting at first, but as you get on it improves wonderfully, and
+takes a great hold of the mind. I don't think I was ever more unhappy
+than since I read a chapter describing what would become of us when the
+population got too thick; and if the unthinking creatures in Ireland
+don't take warning, it's exactly what will happen. When my mind was full
+of it, I ordered up Betty Cobb, and gave her such a lecture about it she
+'ll never forget.
+</p>
+<p>
+But you 'll say it's not for this I 'm gone into black; neither is
+it, Molly,&mdash;it's for my poor relative, the late Jones McCarthy, of the
+Folly, one of the last surviving members of the great McCarthy stock, in
+the west of Ireland. Grief and sorrow for the miserable condition of his
+country preyed upon him, and made him seek obliteration in drink;
+and more's the pity, for he was a man of enlarged understanding and
+capacious mind. My heart overflows when I think of the beautiful
+sentiments I 've heard from him at various times. He loved his country,
+and it was a treat to hear him praise it. "Ah!" he would say, "there's
+but one blot on her,&mdash;the judges is rogues, the Government 's rogues,
+the grand jury's rogues, and the people is villains!"
+</p>
+<p>
+He died as he lived, a little in drink, but a true patriot "Tell
+Jemima," says he, "I forgive her. She was a child when she married, and
+she never meant to disgrace us; but as she now succeeds to the estate, I
+hope she 'll have the pride to resume the family name."
+</p>
+<p>
+Yes, Molly, the M'Carthy property, that once extended from Gorramuck to
+Knocksheedownie, with seventeen townlands and four baronies, descends
+now to me. To be sure, it was all mortgaged over and over again, and
+'tis little there's left but the parchments and the maps; and, except
+the property in the funds, there 's not a great deal coming to me. This
+is all that I know at present, for Waters, the attorney, writes in such
+a confused way, I can make nothing of it, and I don't wish to show the
+letter to K. I. That seems strange to you, Molly, but you 'll think it
+stranger when I tell you that the bare notion of my succeeding to the
+estate drives him half crazy. He thinks that all the money being on his
+side makes up for his low birth, and makes a Dodd equal to a M'Carthy,
+and that now when I get my fortune the tables will be turned. Maybe he
+'s right there; I won't say that he is not; but sure it would be time
+enough to show this feeling when my manner was changed to him.
+</p>
+<p>
+I suppose he must have heard something from Purcell about the matter,
+for when I came into the room, with my eyes red from crying, he said,
+"Is it for old Jones M'Carthy you 're crying? Begad, then, you must have
+a feeling heart, for you never saw him since you were three years old!"
+</p>
+<p>
+Did you ever hear a more barbarous speech, Molly, not to say a more
+ignorant one? Twenty or thirty years might be a very long time in a
+family called Dodd, but is it more than a week or so in one with the
+name of M'Carthy? And so I told him.
+</p>
+<p>
+"You don't pretend that you 're sorry after him?" says he. And I could
+only answer him with my sobs. "If it was Giles Moore, the distiller,"
+says he, "that went into mourning, one could understand the sense of it,
+for <i>he</i> has lost a friend indeed!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"They're to bury him in Cloughdesman Abbey," says I, not wishing to let
+his sarcastic remarks provoke me.
+</p>
+<p>
+"They need n't take much trouble about embalming him, anyway," says he,
+"for there's more whiskey soaked into him than could preserve a whole
+family!"
+</p>
+<p>
+You may think, Molly, how far I was overcome by grief when he ventured
+to talk this way to me; and, indeed, I left the room in a flood of
+tears. When I grew more composed, I went over Waters's letter again with
+Mary Anne, but without any great success. There is so much law in it,
+and so many words that we never saw before, and to which, indeed, our
+pocket dictionary gave us little help: Administer being set down,&mdash;to
+perform the duty of an administrator; and for Administrator, we are told
+to see Administer,&mdash;a kind of hide-and-go-seek that one does n't expect
+in books like this.
+</p>
+<p>
+The lawyers and the doctors, my dear Molly, go on the same plan,&mdash;they
+never let us know the hard names they have for everything. If we once
+come to do that, we 'll know what's the matter with ourselves and our
+affairs, and neither need one nor the other. Mary Anne thinks that
+administering means going to show the will to somebody that's to pay the
+money; but my private opinion is that it's something about Ministers'
+Money, for I remember my poor cousin Jones never would consent to pay
+it, nor, indeed, anything else that went to the Established Church.
+It was against his conscience, he used to say; and the Government that
+coerces a man's conscience is worthy of "Grim Tartary." My notion is,
+then, that they 're coming against me for the arrears, as if I had n't
+any conscience too!
+</p>
+<p>
+At all events, Molly, the property is to come to <i>me</i>; and the very
+thought of it gives me a feeling of independence and pride that is
+really overwhelming. K. I.'s temper was, indeed, becoming a sore trial,
+and how I was to go on bearing it was more than I could imagine. He may
+now return to Ireland and his dear Dodsborough whenever he pleases. Mary
+Anne and I are determined to live abroad. Fortunately for us we have
+made acquaintance with a very distinguished English lady&mdash;a Mrs. Gore
+Hampton&mdash;who can introduce us everywhere. She is in the very height of
+the fashion, and knows all the great people of Europe. She took a sudden
+liking&mdash;I might call it an affection&mdash;for me and Mary Anne, and actually
+proposed our all travelling together as one party. There never was luck
+like it, Molly! She has a beautiful barouche of her own, with the arms
+on it, and a French maid and a courier, and such heaps of luggage, you
+wouldn't believe it could be carried. K. I. was afraid of the expense,
+and gave, as you may believe, every kind of opposition to the plan. He
+said it would "lead us into this," and "lead us into that;" the great
+thing he dreaded being led into&mdash;as I told him&mdash;being good society and
+high company.
+</p>
+<p>
+So far from costing us anything, I believe it will be a considerable
+saving; for, as Lord George says, "You can always make a better bargain
+at the hotels when you 're a strong party." And he has kindly taken the
+whole of this on himself.
+</p>
+<p>
+He is a wonderful young man, Lord George; and, considering his tip-top
+rank and connections, he's never above doing anything to serve, or be
+useful to us. He knows K. I. as well, too, as I do myself. "Let <i>me</i>
+alone," says he, "to manage the governor; <i>I</i> know him. He's always
+grumbling about expense and moaning over his poverty; but you may remark
+that he does get the money somehow." And the observation is remarkably
+just, Molly; for no matter what distress or distraction he's in, he
+does contrive to rub through it; and this convinces me that he is only
+deceiving us in talking about his want of means, and so forth. Since I
+have discovered this, I never fret the way I used about expense.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was Lord George that arranged our compact with Mrs. G. "You had
+better leave all to me," said he to K. I., "for Mrs. Gore Hampton is a
+perfect child about money. She tells that old fool of a courier to put a
+hundred pounds in his bag, and he pays away till it's all gone, or till
+he says it's gone; and then she gives him another check for the same
+amount. So that she's not bored with accounts, nor ever hears of them,
+she never cares."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Of course, then," said I, "her expenses are very great."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I should say enormous," replied he; "for though personally the simplest
+creature on earth, she never objects to the cost of anything."
+</p>
+<p>
+I hinted that, with our moderate fortune, we should never be able to
+maintain a style of living equal to hers; but he stopped me short,
+saying, "Don't let that distress you; besides, she has taken such a
+fancy for you and Miss Dodd that it would be a downright cruelty to
+deny her your companionship; and at this moment, too, when really she
+requires sympathy." I was dying to ask on what account, Molly,&mdash;was it
+that she is a widow, or is she separated, and what?&mdash;but I had n't the
+courage; nor, indeed, did he give me time, for he went on so fast: "Let
+her pay half the expense, it's only fair; she has plenty of tin, and
+nothing to do with it Even then she will be a gainer, for old Grégoire
+pockets as much as he pays away."
+</p>
+<p>
+You 'd suppose, Molly, that an arrangement so liberal as this might have
+satisfied K. I. Not a bit of it His only remark was, "What 's to be the
+amount of the other half?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Do you expect to travel about the Continent for nothing, K. I.?" said
+I. "Does your experience say that it costs so little?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"No, faith!" replied he, with that sardonic grin that almost kills me,
+"I can't say that."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Well, then," said I, "is it better for us to go about the world
+unnoticed and unknown, or to be visited and received, and made much of
+everywhere? The name of Dodd," said I, "is n't a great recommendation;
+and there 's some of us, at least, that have n't the exterior of the
+first fashion." I wish you saw how he fidgeted when I said this. "And as
+the great question is, What did we come abroad for?&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Ay, that's exactly it!" cried he, thumping his clenched fist on the
+table with a smash that made me scream out. "What did we come abroad
+for?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"There 's no need to drive all the blood to my head, Mr. Dodd," said I,
+"to ask that. Though I am accustomed to your violence, my constitution
+may sink under it at last; but if you wish to know seriously and calmly
+why we came abroad, I 'll tell you."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Do, then," said he, folding his arms in front of him, "and I'll be
+mighty thankful for the information."
+</p>
+<p>
+"We came abroad," said I, "first of all, for&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"It was n't economy," said he, with a grin.
+</p>
+<p>
+"No, not exactly."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I'm glad of that," cried he. "I'm glad that we've got rid of one
+delusion, at least. Now, then, go on."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Maybe you 'll call refinement a delusion, Mr. Dodd," said I. "Maybe
+politeness and good-breeding, the French language and music are
+delusions? Is high society a delusion? Is the sphere we move in a
+delusion?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I am disposed to think it is, Mrs. D.," said he, "and a very great
+delusion too. It's like nothing we were ever used to. It is not social,
+and it is not friendly. It has nothing to say, nor any concern with a
+single topic, or any one theme that we can care for. Do you know one, or
+can you even remember the names of any of the princes and princesses
+you are always discussing? Do you really care whether Mademoiselle
+Zephyrini's pirouette was steadier than Miss Angelina's? Does it concern
+you that somebody with a hard name has given the first-class order of
+the Pig and Whistle to somebody else, with a harder? Is it the meat
+stewed to rags you like, or the reputations with morality boiled out of
+them? Is it pleasant to think that, wherever you go, you meet nothing
+wholesome for mind or for body? I can stand scandal and wickedness as
+well as my neighbors, but I can't spend my life upon them, nor can I
+give up the whole day to dominos. You ask me what are delusions, and I
+tell you now some things that are not."
+</p>
+<p>
+But I would n't listen to more, Molly. I stopped him short by saying,
+"You, at least, Mr. D., have little reason for your regrets; for really,
+in all that regards your manner, language, dress, and demeanor, no one
+would ever suspect you had been a day out of Dodsborough."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I wish to my heart my bank account could tell the same story," says he;
+and with that he takes down a file of bills, and begins to read out some
+of what he calls his anti-delusions.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Do you know, Mrs. D.," says he, "that your milliner has got more money
+in the last four months than I have spent on my estate for the last
+eight years? That Genoa velvet and Mechlin lace have run away with what
+would have drained the Low Meadows! Ay, the price of that red turban,
+that made you look like Bluebeard, would have put a roof on the
+school-house. The priest of our parish at home did n't get as much for
+his dues as you gave for a seat to look at a procession in honor of
+Saint&mdash;Saint&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"If you 're going to blaspheme, Mr. D.," said I, "I 'll leave you;"and
+so I did, Molly, banging the door after me in a way that I know well his
+gouty ankle is not the better for.
+</p>
+<p>
+I mention these particulars to show you the difficulties I have to
+contend against, and the struggles it costs me to give my children the
+benefits of the Continent. I intended to tell you something about this
+place where we are stopping, too; but my head is rambling now on other
+matters, so that, maybe, I'll not be able to say much.
+</p>
+<p>
+It's a university, just like Trinity College in Dublin, only they don't
+wear gowns, nor keep within certain buildings, but scatter about over
+the whole town. We know several of the young men who are princes, and
+more or less related to crowned heads; but for all that, very simple,
+quiet, inoffensive creatures as ever you met. Billy Davis, after he was
+articled to that attorney in Abbey Street, had more impudence in him
+than them all put together.
+</p>
+<p>
+The place itself is pretty, but I think it does n't suit my
+constitution. Maybe it's the running water, for there's a big river
+under the windows, but I am never free from cold in my head, and weak
+eyes. To be sure, we are always doing imprudent things, such as sitting
+out till after midnight in a summer-house, where the young Germans come
+to sing for us,&mdash;for singing and smoking, Molly, is their two passions.
+It's a melancholy kind of music they have, that has no tune whatever,
+nor anything like a tune in it; but as Mrs. G. and my daughters agree
+that it's beautiful, why, of course, I give in, and say the same. But,
+in confidence to you, Molly, I own that it puts me to sleep at once;
+and, indeed, most of our other amusements here are of the same kind. We
+are either botanizing, or looking for stones and shells, to tell us the
+age of the world. Faith! you may well stare, Molly, but it 's truth I 'm
+saying, that is what they pretend to find out. They got an elephant's
+jawbone the other day, that gave them great delight, and K. I. said, "I
+could tell a horse's age by his teeth, but for guessing how old the
+earth is by an elephant's grinders is clear beyond me."
+</p>
+<a name="image-0010"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/232.jpg" height="457" width="715"
+alt="232
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+When it rains and we can't go out, we have chemistry at home; but I 'm
+always in a fright about the combustibles, and I 'm sure one of these
+days we 'll pay for our curiosity. That man that comes to lecture has
+n't a bit of eyebrows, and only two fingers on one hand, and half a
+thumb on the other; not to say that he sat down one day on a pocketful
+of crackers, and blew himself up in a dreadful manner.
+</p>
+<p>
+If the weather be fine,&mdash;and I was near saying, God grant it may n't&mdash;we
+are to have a course of astronomy every night next week. I can stand
+everything, however, better than "moral philosophy and economics." As
+to the first of the two, it's not even common-sense. It was only two
+evenings ago, they laughed at me for twenty minutes about a remark
+that's as true as the Bible.
+</p>
+<p>
+"What relations does Locke say are least regarded?" says the professor
+to me.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Faith! I know nothing about Locke," says I; "but I know well that the
+relations least regarded are poor relations."
+</p>
+<p>
+As to the economics, if they could enliven it a bit by experiments, as
+they do the chemistry, I could bear it well enough; but it's awfully dry
+to be always listening to what you can't understand.
+</p>
+<p>
+This is the way we live at Bonn; and though it's very elevating, I find
+it's very depressing to the spirits. But I don't think we'll remain much
+longer here, for K. I. is beginning to find out that the sciences are
+just as dear as silks and satins; and, as he remarked the other day,
+"it would be cheaper to have a dish of asparagus on the table than them
+dirty weeds that they are gathering only for the sake of their hard
+names."
+</p>
+<p>
+Of course, when all is settled about the legacy, I 'll not be obliged
+to submit to his humors, as I have been up to this. I'll have a voice,
+Molly, and I'll take care that it is heard too. I suppose it will come
+to a separation yet between us. I own to you, Molly, the "impossibility"
+of our tempers will do it at last. Well, when the time comes, I'll be,
+as Mrs. G. says, equal to the occasion. I can say, "I brought you
+rank, name, and fortune, Kenny Dodd, and I leave you with my character
+unvarnished; and maybe both is more than you deserved!"
+</p>
+<p>
+When I think of where and what I might be, Molly, and see what I am,
+I fret for a whole livelong day. And now a word about home before I
+conclude. Don't mention a syllable about the legacy to Mat, or he 'll
+be expecting a present at Candlemas, and I really can spare nothing.
+You can say to Father John that Jones McCarthy is dead, but that nobody
+knows how the estate will go. He'll maybe say some masses for him, in
+the hope of being paid hereafter by the heir. I'd advise you to keep the
+wool back, for they say prices will rise in Ireland, by reason of all
+the people leaving it, just as it's described in the Book of Genesis,
+Molly, only that Ireland is not Paradise,&mdash;that *s the difference.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mary Anne unites in her affectionate love to you, and I am your attached
+</p>
+<p>
+Jemima Dodd.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0022"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XVIII. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    Grand Hôtel du Rhin, Bonn.
+</h3>
+<p>
+Dearest Catherine,&mdash;Forgive me if I substitute for the loved appellation
+of infancy the more softly sounding epithet which is consecrated to
+verse in every language of Europe. Yes, thou mayst be Kate of all Kates
+to the rest of Christendom, but to me thou art Catherine,&mdash;"Catrinella
+mia," as thou wilt.
+</p>
+<p>
+Here, dearest, as I sit embowered beside the wide and winding Rhine, the
+day-dream of my childhood is at length realized. I live, I breathe, in
+the land glorified by genius. Reflected in that stream is the castled
+crag of Drachenfels, mirrored as in my heart the image of my dearest
+Catherine. How shall I tell you of our existence here, fascinated by the
+charms of song and scenery, elevated by the strains of immortal verse?
+We are living at the Grand Hôtel du Rhin, my sweet child; and having
+taken the entire first floor, are regarded as something like an imperial
+family travelling under the name of Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+I told you in my last of our acquaintance with Mrs. Gore Hampton. It
+has, since then, ripened into friendship. It is now love. I feel the
+dangerous captivation of speaking of her, even passingly. Her name
+suggests all that can fascinate the heart and inthrall the imagination.
+She is perfectly beautiful, and not less gifted than she is lovely.
+Perhaps I cannot convey to my dearest Catherine a more accurate
+conception of this charming being than by mentioning some&mdash;a few&mdash;of the
+changes wrought by her influence on the habits of our daily life.
+</p>
+<p>
+Our mornings are scientific,&mdash;entirely given up to botany, chemistry,
+natural history, and geology, with occasional readings in political
+economy and statistics. We all attend these except papa. Even James has
+become a most attentive student, and never takes his eyes off Mrs. G.
+during the lecture. At three we lunch, and then mount our horses for
+a ride; since, thanks to Lord George's attentive politeness, seven
+saddle-horses have been sent down from Brussels for our use. Once
+mounted, we are like a school released from study, so full of gayety, so
+overflowing with spirits and animation.
+</p>
+<p>
+Where shall we go? is then the question. Some are for Godesberg, where
+we dismount to eat ice and stroll through the gardens; others, of whom
+your Mary Anne is ever one, vote for Rolandseck, that being the very
+spot whence Roland the bravo&mdash;the brave Roland&mdash;sat to gaze upon those
+convent walls that enclosed all that he adored on earth.
+</p>
+<p>
+And oh! Catherine dearest, is there amongst the very highest of those
+attributes which deify human nature any one that can compare with
+fidelity? Does it not comprise nearly all the virtues, heroic as well
+as humble? For my part, I think it should be the great theme of poets,
+blending as it does some of the tenderest with some of the grandest
+traits of the heart. From Petrarch to Paul&mdash;I mean Virginia's
+Paul&mdash;there is a fascination in these examples that no other quality
+ever evokes. My dearest Emily&mdash;I call Mrs. G. H. by her Christian name
+always&mdash;joined me the other evening in a discussion on this subject
+against Lord George James, and several others, our only cavalier being
+the Ritter von Wolfenschftfer, a young German noble, who is studying
+here, and a remarkable specimen of his class. He is tall, and what at
+first seems heavy-browed, but, on nearer acquaintance, displays one
+of those grand heads which are rarely met with save on the canvas of
+Titian; he wears a long beard and moustache of a reddish brown, which,
+accompanied by a certain solemnity of manner and a deep-toned voice,
+impress you with a kind of awe at first. His family is, I believe, the
+oldest in Germany, having been Barons of the Black Forest, in some very
+early century. "The first Hapsburg," he says, was a "knecht," or
+vassal, of one of his ancestors. His pride is, therefore, something
+indescribable.
+</p>
+<p>
+Lord George met him, I fancy, first at some royal table, and they
+renewed their acquaintance here, shyly at the beginning, but after
+a while with more cordiality; and now he is here every day singing,
+sketching, reciting Schiller and Goethe, talking the most delightful
+rhapsodies, and raving about moonlights on the Brocken, and mysticism in
+the Hartzwald, till my very brain turns with distraction.
+</p>
+<p>
+Don't you detest the "positif,"&mdash;the dreary, tiresome, tame, sad-colored
+robe of reality? and do you not adore the prismatic-tinted drapery, that
+envelops the dream-creatures of imagination? I know, dearest Catherine,
+that you do. I feel by myself how you shrink from the stern aspect of
+reality, and love to shroud yourself in the graceful tissues of fancy!
+How, then, would you long to be here,&mdash;to discuss with us themes that
+have no possible relation to anything actually existing,&mdash;to talk of
+those visionary essences which form the creatures of the unreal world?
+The "Ritter" is perfectly charming on these subjects; there is a vein of
+love through his metaphysics, and of metaphysics through his love, that
+elevates while it subdues. You will say it is a strange transition that
+makes me flit from these things to thoughts of home and Ireland; but in
+the wilful wandering of my fancy a vision of the past rises before me,
+and I must seize it ere it depart. I wish, in fact, to speak to
+you about a passage in your last letter which has given me equal
+astonishment and suffering. What, dearest Kitty, do you mean by talking
+of a certain person's "long-tried and devoted affection,"&mdash;"his hopes,
+and his steadfast reliance on my truthfulness"? Have I ever given any
+one the right to make such an appeal to me? I do really believe that no
+one is less exposed to such a reproach than I am! I have the right, if I
+please, to misconstrue your meaning, and assume a total ignorance as to
+whom you are referring. But I will not avail myself of the privilege,
+Kitty,&mdash;I will accept your allusion. You mean Dr. Belton. Now, I own
+that I write this name with considerable reluctance and regret. His many
+valuable qualities, and the natural goodness of his disposition, have
+endeared him to all of that humble circle in which his lot is cast, and
+it would grieve me to write one single word which should pain him to
+hear. But I ask you, Kitty, what is there in our relative stations in
+society which should embolden him to offer me attentions? Do we move in
+the same sphere? have we either thoughts, ideas, or ambitions&mdash;have we
+even acquaintances&mdash;in common? I do not want to magnify the position I
+hold. Heaven knows that the great world is not a sea devoid of rocks
+and quicksands. No one feels its perils more acutely than myself. But
+I repeat it: Is there not a wide gulf between us? Could <i>he</i> live, and
+move, think, act, or plan, in the circle that I associate with? Could
+<i>I</i> exist, even for a day, in <i>his?</i> No, dearest, impossible,&mdash;utterly
+impossible. The great world has its requirements,&mdash;exactions, if you
+will; they are imperative, often tyrannical: but their sweet recompense
+comes back in that delicious tranquillity of soul, that bland
+imperturbability that springs from good breeding,&mdash;the calm equanimity
+that no accident can shake, from which no sudden shock can elicit a
+vibration. I do not pretend, dearest friend, that I have yet attained to
+this. I know well that I am still far distant from that great goal; but
+I am on the road, Kitty,&mdash;my progress has commenced, and not for the
+wealth of worlds would I turn back from it.
+</p>
+<p>
+With thoughts like these in my heart,&mdash;instincts I should perhaps call
+them.&mdash;how unsuited should I be to the humble monotony of a provincial
+existence! Were I even to sacrifice my own happiness, should I secure
+his? My heart responds, No, certainly not.
+</p>
+<p>
+As to what you remark of the past, I feel it is easily replied to. The
+little chapel at Bruff once struck me as a miracle of architectural
+beauty. I really fancied that the doorway was in the highest taste
+of florid Gothic, and that the east window was positively gorgeous in
+tracery. As to the altar, I can only say that it appeared a mass
+of gold, silver, and embroidery, such as we read of in the "Arabian
+Nights." Am I to blame, Kitty, that, after having seen the real
+splendors of St. Gudule, and the dome of Cologne, I can recant my former
+belief, and acknowledge that the little edifice at Bruff is poor, mean,
+and insignificant; its architecture a sham, and its splendor all tinsel?
+and yet it is precisely what I left it.
+</p>
+<p>
+You will then retort, that it is <i>I</i> am changed! I own it, Kitty. I am
+so. But can you make this a matter of reproach?
+</p>
+<p>
+If so, is not every step in intellectual progress, every stage of
+development, a stigma? Your theory, if carried out, would soar beyond
+the limits of this life, and dare to assail the angelic existences of
+the next!
+</p>
+<p>
+But you could not intend this; no, Kitty, I acquit you at once of such
+a notion; even the defence of your friend could not make you so unjust.
+Dr. Belton must, surely, be in error as to any supposed pledges or
+promises on my part. I have taxed my memory to the utmost, and
+cannot recall any such. If, in the volatile gayety of a childish
+heart,&mdash;remember, sweetest, I was only eighteen when I left home,&mdash;I may
+have said some silly speech, surely it is not worth remembering, still
+less recording, to make me blush for it. Lastly, Kitty, I have learned
+to know that all real happiness is based upon filial obedience; and
+whatever sentiments it would be possible for me to entertain for Dr. B.
+would be diametrically opposed to the wishes of my papa and mamma.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have now gone over this question in every direction I could think of,
+because I hope that it may nevermore recur between us. It is a theme
+which I advert to with sorrow, for really I am unable to acquit of
+presumption one whose general character is conspicuous for a modest and
+retiring humility. You will acquaint him with as much of the sentiments
+I here express as you deem fitting. I leave everything to your excellent
+delicacy and discretion. I only beg that I may not be again asked for
+explanations on a matter so excessively disagreeable to discuss, and
+that I may be spared alluding to those peculiar circumstances which
+separate us forever. If the time should come when he will take a more
+reasonable and just view of our respective conditions, nothing will be
+more agreeable to me than to renew those relations of friendship which
+we so long cultivated as neighbors; and if, in any future state I may
+occupy, I can be of the least service to him, I beg you to believe that
+it will be both a pride and a pleasure to me to know it.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is needless, after this, to answer the question of your postscript.
+Of course he must not write to me. Nothing could induce me to read his
+letter. That he should ever have thought of such a thing is a proof&mdash;and
+no slight one&mdash;of his utter ignorance of all the conventional rules
+which regulate social intercourse. But a truce to a theme so painful.
+</p>
+<p>
+I answer your brief question of the turn-down of your letter as curtly
+as it is put. No; I am not in love with Lord George, nor is he with
+me. We regard each other as brother and sister; we talk in the most
+unreserved confidence; we say things which, in the narrower prejudices
+of England, would be infallibly condemned. In fact, Kitty, the sway of
+a conscientious sense of right, the inward feeling of purity, admit of
+many liberties here, which are denied to us at home. Here I tell you,
+in one word, what it is that constitutes the superiority in tone of
+the Continent over our own country,&mdash;I should say it was this very same
+freedom of thought and action.
+</p>
+<p>
+The language is full of a thousand graceful courtesies that mean so much
+or so little. The literature abounding in analysis of emotions,&mdash;that
+secret anatomy of the heart, so fascinating and so instructive; the
+habits of society so easy and so natural; and then that chivalrous
+homage paid to the sex,&mdash;all contribute to extend the realms of
+conversational topics, and at the same time to admit of various ways of
+treating them, such as may suit the temper, the talent, or the caprice
+of each. How often does it happen from this that one hears the gravest
+themes of religion and politics debated in a spirit of the most
+sparkling wit and levity, while subjects of the most trivial kind
+are discussed with a degree of seriousness and a display of learning
+actually astounding! This wonderful versatility is very remarkable in
+another respect; for, strange enough, it is the young people abroad who
+are the gravest in manner, the most reserved and most saturnine.
+</p>
+<p>
+The high-spirited, the buoyant, and most daring talkers are the elderly.
+In a word, Kitty, everything here is the reverse of that at home; and,
+I am forced to confess, possesses a great superiority over our own
+notions.
+</p>
+<p>
+I am dying to tell you more of the Ritter, which, I must explain to you,
+is the German for "Chevalier." If you want a confession, too, I will
+make one; and that is that he is desperately in love with a poor friend
+of yours, who feels herself quite unworthy of the devotion of this scion
+of thirty-two quarterings.
+</p>
+<p>
+In a worldly point of view, Kitty, the possibility of such an event
+would be brilliant beyond conception. His estates are a principality,
+and his Schloss von Wölfenberg one of the wonders of the Black Forest.
+Does not your heart swell and bound, dearest, at the thought of a real
+castle, in a real forest, with a real baron, Kitty?&mdash;one of those cruel
+creatures, perhaps, who lived in feudal times, and always killed a
+child, to warm their feet in his heart's blood? Not that our Ritter
+looks this. On the contrary, he is gentle, low-voiced, and dreamy,&mdash;a
+little too dreamy,&mdash;if I must say it, and not sufficiently alive to
+the rattling drolleries of Lord George and James, who torment him
+unceasingly.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mamma likes him immensely, though their intercourse is limited to mere
+bows and greetings; and even papa, whose prejudice against foreigners
+increases with every day, acknowledges that he is very amiable and
+good-tempered. Cary appears to me to be greatly taken with him, but he
+never notices her, nor pays her the slightest attention. I 'm sure I
+wish he would, and I should be delighted to contribute towards such a
+conjuncture. Who knows what may happen later, for he has invited us
+all to the Schloss for the shooting-season,&mdash;some time, I believe, in
+autumn,&mdash;and papa has said "Yes."
+</p>
+<p>
+I now come to another secret, dearest Kitty, depending on all your
+discretion not to divulge it, at least for the present. Mamma has
+received a confidential note from Waters, the attorney, informing her
+that she is to succeed to the McCarthy estates and property of the late
+Jones M'Carthy, of M'Carthy's Folly. The amount is not yet known to us,
+and we are surrounded by such difficulties, from our desire to keep the
+matter secret, that we cannot expect to know the particulars for some
+time. The estates were considerable; but, like those of all the Irish
+aristocracy, greatly encumbered. The personal property, mamma
+thinks, could not have been burdened, so that this alone may turn out
+handsomely.
+</p>
+<p>
+By some deed of settlement, or something of the kind, executed at
+papa's marriage with mamma, he voluntarily abandoned all right over
+any property that should descend to her, so that she will possess
+the unlimited control over this bequest. Mr. Waters mentions that
+the testator desired&mdash;I am not certain that he did not require as a
+condition&mdash;that we should take the name of McCarthy. I hope so with all
+my heart I do not believe that anything could offer such obstacles to
+us abroad as this terrible and emphatic monosyllable; now, Dodd M'Carthy
+has a rhythm in it, and a resonance also.
+</p>
+<p>
+It sounds territorially, too; like the <i>de</i> of French nobility. We
+should figure in fashionable "Arrivals and Departures" with a certain
+air of distinction that is denied to us at present; and I really do not
+see why we should not be "The M'Carthy." You know, dearest, that the
+Herald's office never interferes about Celtic nobility, inasmuch as its
+origin utterly defies investigation; and there are, consequently, no
+pains nor penalties attached to the assumption of a native title. How
+I should be delighted to hear us announced as "The M'Carthy, family and
+suite," with an explanatory paragraph about papa being the blue or the
+black knight. The English are always impressed with these things,
+and foreigners regard them with immense devotion. There is another
+incalculable advantage, Kitty, not to be overlooked. All little
+eccentricities of manner, little peculiarities of accent, voice, and
+intonation, of which neither pa nor ma are totally exempt, instead of
+being criticised, as some short-sighted folk might criticise them, as
+vulgar, low, and commonplace, rise at once to the dignity of a national
+trait.
+</p>
+<p>
+They are like Breton French, or certain Provençal expressions in use
+amongst the ancient "Seigneurie" of the land. They actually dignify
+station, instead of disgracing it, so that a "brogue" seems to seal
+the very patent of your nobility, and the mutilations of your parts of
+speech stand for quarterings on your escutcheon.
+</p>
+<p>
+It might seem invidious were I to quote the instances which support my
+theory; but I assure you, seriously, that social success, to be rapid,
+requires aids like these. There was a time when being a Villiers, a
+Stanley, or a Seymour gave you a kind of illusory nobility. You were a
+species of human shot-silk, that turned blue in one light, and brown
+in another; but now that Burke is read in the national schools, and the
+"Almanach de Gotha" in the godless colleges, deception on this head is
+impossible. They take you "to book" at once. You can't be one of the
+Howards of Ettinham, for Lady Mary died childless; nor one of the
+Worseley branch, for the present Marquis, who married Lady Alice de
+Courtenaye, had only two children,&mdash;one, British envoy at the Court of
+Prince of Salms und Schweinigen; the other, &amp;c. In fact, Kitty, you are
+voted nobody. They will not allow you father nor mother, uncle nor aunt,
+nor even any good friends. Better be Popkins, or Perkins, Snooks, or
+even Smith, than this! The Celtic <i>noblesse</i>, however, is a safe refuge
+against all impertinent curiosity. Tracing the Dodd M'Carthy to his
+parent stem would be like keeping count of the sheep in Sancho's story.
+Besides, matters of succession are made matters of faith in the Church,
+and why shouldn't they be in the M'Carthy family? I don't suppose we
+want to be more infallible than the Pope?
+</p>
+<p>
+I have not forgotten what you mentioned about your brother Robert; nor
+was it at all necessary, my dear Kitty, for you to speak of his
+talents and acquirements, which I well know are first-rate. I took an
+opportunity the other day of alluding to the master to Lord George, who
+has influence in every quarter. I told him pretty much in the words
+of your letter, that he was equally distinguished in science as in
+classics, had taken honors in both, and was in all other respects fully
+qualified to be a tutor. That, being a gentleman by birth, though
+of small fortune, his desire was to obtain the advantages of foreign
+travel, and the opportunity of acquiring modern languages, for which he
+was quite willing to assume all the labor and fatigue of a teacher. He
+stopped me short here by saying, "I 'm afraid it 's no go. They 've made
+a farce, and a devilish good one, too, of the 'Irish Tutor;' and I half
+suspect that Dr. O'Toole, as he is called, has spoiled the trade."
+</p>
+<p>
+I tried to introduce a word about Robert's attainments, but he broke in
+with,&mdash;"That 's all very well; I 'm quite sure of everything you say.
+But who takes a 'coach'?"&mdash;That's the slang for tutor, Kitty!&mdash;"No one
+takes a 'coach' for his learning nowadays. What's wanted&mdash;particularly
+when travelling&mdash;is a sharp, wide-awake fellow, that knows all the
+dodges of the Continent as well as a courier, can bully the police, quiz
+the custom-house, and slang the waiters. He ought to be up to the opera
+and the ballet; be a dead hand at écarté, and a capital judge of cigars.
+After these, his great requisites are never ceasing good-humor, and a
+general flow of high spirits, to stand all the bad jokes and vapid fun
+of young college men; a yielding disposition to go anywhere, with any
+one, and for anything that may be proposed; and, finally, a ready tact
+never to suppose himself included in any invitation with his 'Bear,'
+who, however well he may treat him, will always prefer leaving him at
+home when he dines at an 'Embassy.'"
+</p>
+<p>
+This is a rapid sketch of a tutor's life and habits, as practised
+abroad, Kitty; and I more than suspect Robert would not like it. Should
+I be in error, however, and that such would suit his views, I'm sure
+I can reckon on Lord George's kindness to find him an appointment.
+Meanwhile let him "accustom himself to much smoking and occasional
+brandy-and-water, lay in a good stock of droll anecdotes, and if he can
+acquire any conjuring knowledge, or tricks on the cards, it will aid him
+greatly." These hints are Lord G. 's, and, I am sure, invaluable.
+</p>
+<p>
+A thunderstorm has just broken over the valley of the Rhine, and the
+dread artillery of heaven comes pealing down from the "Lurlie" like a
+chorus of demons in a mod-era opera. Our excursion being impossible, I
+once more resume my task, and again seat myself to hold communion with
+my dearest Kitty.
+</p>
+<p>
+I find, besides, innumerable questions still unanswered in your last
+dear letter. You ask me if, on the whole, I am happier than I was at
+Dodsborough? How could you ever have penned such a quaere? The tone of
+seriousness which you tell me of, in my letters, admits perhaps of a
+softer epithet May it not be that soul-kindled elevation that comes of
+daily association with high intelligences? If I were but to tell you the
+names of the illustrious writers and great thinkers whom we meet here
+almost every evening, Kitty, you would no longer be amazed at the
+soaring flight my faculties have taken. Not that they appear to us, my
+dearest friend, in the mystic robes of science, but in the humble garb
+of common life, playing "groschen" whist, or a game of tric-trac. Just
+fancy, if you can, Professor Faraday playing "petits jeux," or Wollaston
+engaged at "hunt the slipper."
+</p>
+<p>
+These are the intimacies, this the kind of intercourse, which
+imperceptibly cultivate the mind, and enlarge the understanding; for, as
+Mrs. Gore Hampton beautifully observes, "The charm of high-bred manner
+is not to be acquired by attendance on a 'levee' or a 'drawing-room,' it
+is imbibed in the atmosphere that pervades a court, in the daily, hourly
+association with that harmonious elegance that surrounds a sovereign."
+So, dearest Kitty, from intercourse with great minds is there a
+perpetual gain to our stock of knowledge. "They are," as Mrs. G. says,
+"the charged machines from which the electric sparks of genius are
+eternally disengaging themselves." What a privilege to be the receivers!
+</p>
+<p>
+There is a wondrous charm, too, in their simplicity, as well as in that
+habit they have of mystically connecting the most trivial topics with
+the most astounding speculations. A fairy tale becomes to <i>them</i> a
+metaphysical allegory. You would scarcely credit what curious doctrines
+of socialism lie veiled under "Jack the Giant Killer," or that the
+Marquis of Carabas, in the tale of "Puss in Boots," is meant to
+illustrate the oppression of the landed aristocracy. Nor is this all,
+Kitty; but they go further, and they are always speculating on something
+beyond the actual catastrophe of a story; as, the other evening, I heard
+a learned argument to show that had Bluebeard not been killed, he would
+have inevitably formed an alliance with "Sister Anne," just for the sake
+of supporting the cause of "marriage with a deceased wife's sister."
+I only mention these as passing instances of that rich Imaginative
+fertility which is as much their characteristic as is their wonderful
+power of argumentation.
+</p>
+<p>
+Lord George and James worry me greatly for my admiration of Germany and
+the Germans. They talk, in slang, on themes that require a high strain
+of intelligence to comprehend or even appreciate. No wonder, then, if
+their frivolity offend and annoy me! The Bitter von Wolfenschäfer
+is an unspeakable relief to me, after this tiresome quizzing. Shall I
+own that Cary is their ally in the same ignoble warfare? Indeed, nothing
+surprises, and at the same time depresses me more than to remark the
+little benefit derived by Caroline from foreign travel. She would seem
+to sit down perfectly contented with the information derived from books,
+as though the really substantial advantages of a residence abroad were
+not all dependent on direct intercourse with the people. "Why not read
+Uhland and Tieck at home at Dodsborough?" say I to her. "To what end do
+you come hundreds of miles away from your country, to do what might so
+easily have been accomplished at home?" What do you think was her reply?
+It was this: "That is exactly what I should like to do. Having seen some
+parts of the Continent, having enjoyed the spectacle of those wonderful
+things of nature and of art which a tour abroad would display, and
+having acquired that facility in languages which comes so rapidly by
+their daily use, I should like to go home again, adding to the pleasures
+my own country supplies, stores of knowledge and resources from other
+lands. I neither want to think that Frenchmen and Germans are better
+bred than my own countrymen, nor that the rigid decorum of English
+manners is only a flimsy veil of hypocrisy thrown over the coarse vices
+of a coarse people."
+</p>
+<p>
+Now, my dear Kitty, be as national and patriotic as one will; play "Rule
+Britannia" every morning, with variations, on the piano; wear a Paisley
+shawl and a Dunstable bonnet; make yourself as hideous and absurd as
+the habits of your native country will admit of,&mdash;and that is a wide
+latitude,&mdash;you will be obliged to own the startling fact, the Continent
+<i>is</i> more civilized than England. Daily life is surrounded with more
+of elegance and of refinement, for the simple reason that there is
+more leisure for both. There is none of that vulgarity of incessant
+occupation so observable with us. Men do not live here to be Poor-law
+guardians and Quarter Sessions chairmen, directors of railroads, or
+members of select committees. They choose the nobler ambition of mental
+cultivation and intellectual polish. They study the arts which adorn
+social intercourse, and acquire those graceful accomplishments which
+fascinate in the great world, and, in the phrase of the newspapers,
+"make home happy."
+</p>
+<p>
+I have now come to the end of my paper, and perhaps of your patience,
+but not of my arguments on this theme, nor the wish to impress them upon
+my dearest Kitty. Adieu! Adieu!
+</p>
+<p>
+I can understand your astonishment at reading this, Kitty; but is it
+not another proof that Ireland is far behind the rest of the world in
+civilization? The systems exploded everywhere are still pursued there,
+and the unprofitable learning that all other countries have abandoned is
+precisely the object of hardest study and ambition.
+</p>
+<p>
+There are twenty other things that I wished to consult my dearest Kitty
+about, but I must conclude. It is now nigh eleven o'clock, the moon is
+rising, and we are off on our excursion to the Drachenfels,&mdash;for you
+must know that one of the stereotyped amusements of the Continent is to
+ascend mountains for the sake of seeing daybreak from the "summit" It
+is frequently a failure as regards the picturesque; but never so
+with respect to the pleasure of the trip. Think of a mountain path by
+moonlight, Kitty; your mule slowly toiling up the steep ascent, while
+some one near murmurs "Childe Harold" in your ear, the perils of the
+way permitting a hundred little devotional attentions so suggestive of
+dependence and protection. I must break off,&mdash;they are calling for me;
+and I have but time to write myself my dearest Kitty's dearest friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+Mart Anne Dodd.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0023"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XIX. BETTY COBB TO MRS. SHUSAN O'SHEA, PRIEST'S HOUSE, BRUFF.
+</h2>
+<p>
+Dear Misses Shusan,&mdash;I thought before this I 'd be back again in Bruff,
+but I leave it all to Providence, that maybe, all the time, is thinkin'
+little about me. It's not out of any unpiety I say this, but bekase the
+longer I live the more I see how sarvants are trated in this world; and
+the next I 'm towld is much the same.
+</p>
+<p>
+If the mistress would let me alone, I 'd get used to the ways of the
+place at last, for there 's some things is n't so bad at all; since we
+came to this we have four males every day, but, if you mind grace,
+you might as well have none. They've a puddin' for everything,
+fish&mdash;flesh&mdash;fowl&mdash;vegebles, it's all alike; but the hardest thing is to
+eat blackberries with beef, or stewed pork with rasberries;
+not to spake of a pike with pine-apple, that we had yesterday.
+</p>
+<p>
+There is always an abundance and a confusion at dinner that's plazing to
+one's feelin's; for, indeed, in Ireland there is no great variety in
+the servants' hall, and polatics has a sameness in them that's very
+tiresome.
+</p>
+<p>
+We are livin' now at an elegant hotel, where we sit down forty-seven of
+us every day, at the sound of a big bell at one o'clock. They call it
+the table doat, and I don't wonder they do, for it's the pleasantest
+place I ever see. We goes down, linked arm-in-arm, me and Lord George's
+man, Mister Slipper, and the Frinsh made lan in' on Moun-seer Gregory,
+the currier; and there's as much bowin' and scrapin', or more, than
+upstairs in the parlor. Mr. Slipper takes the head of the table, and I
+am on his rite, and mam-eel on his left, and the dishes all cams to us
+first, and we tumble the things about, and helps ourselves to the best
+before the others, and we laff so loud, Shusan, for Mr. Slipper is
+uncommon drol, and tells a number of stories that makes me cry for
+laffin'; and he is just as polite, too, for whinever he tells anything
+wrong he says it in French. And if you only heerd the way masters and
+mistresses is spoke of, Shu-san, you 'd pity poor sarvants that has to
+live with them, and put up with their bad 'umors. Mr. Slipper himself
+is trated like a dog, on eighty pounds a year, and what he calls the
+spoils,&mdash;that's the close that's spoiled. Many the day he never sees the
+newspaper, for Lord G. sticks it in his pocket, and carries it out with
+him; and when he went out to tay, the other evenin', there was n't an
+embroidered shirt of his master's to put on, and he was obleeged to take
+a plain cambric to make a clane breast of it! "Faix," says he, "there's
+no sayin' what will happen soon, and maybe the day 'll cum I 'll have
+to buy my own cigars." He had an iligant place before this one,&mdash;Sir
+Michael Bexley,&mdash;but tho' the wagis was high, and the eating first-rate,
+he could n't stay. "We wore in Vi-enna," says he, "where they dance a
+grate dale in sosiety, and Sir Michael's hands and feet was smaller than
+mine, and I could n't wear either his kid gloves or his dress-boots, and
+goin' out every night the expense was krushin'."
+</p>
+<p>
+Mamsel is trated just as bad. It's maybe three when she gets to bed; her
+mistress, Mrs. G., would n't take a flour out of her head herself, but
+must have the poor crayture waitin' there, like a centry. And maybe it's
+at that time o' night she 'll take the notion of seein' how it bekomes
+her to have her hare, this way or that, or to see if she'd look better
+with more paint on her, or if her eyebrows was blacker.
+</p>
+<p>
+Sometimes, too, she takes a fit of tryin' ball dresses, five or six,
+one after another; but mamsel says, she thinks she cured her of that by
+dropping some lamp oil over a bran new white satin, with Brussels lace,
+that was never worn at all. As Mr. Slipper says, "Our ingenuity is taxed
+to a degree that destroys our dispositions;" and I may here observe,
+Shusan, that all sarvants ever I heerd of get somehow worse trated than
+Irish. I don't mane in regard to wagis, bekase the Irish cartainly gets
+laste, but I spake of tratement; and the rayson is this, Shusy, the
+others do their work as a kind of duty, a thing they 're paid for, and
+that they ought to do; we, the Irish I mane, do everything as if it was
+out of oar own goodness, and that we would n't do it if we did not like;
+and that's the real way to manage a master or a mistress. If he asks
+for a knife at diner, sure he can't deny it's a knife bekase it's dirty,
+there would n't be common sense in that. There's two ways of doin'
+everything, Shusan; but, easy as it is, the Irish is the only people
+profits by the lesson! It's only ourselves, Shusan dear, knows how to
+make a master or mistress downright miserable!
+</p>
+<p>
+It is true we seldom have good wagis, but we take it out in temper. If
+ye seen the life I sometimes lead the mistress you'd pity her; but why
+would you after all? wasn't I taken away from my home and country, and
+put down here in a strange place; and if I did n't spend the day now
+and then cryin', would she ever think of razing my sperits with a new
+bonnet, or a pare of shoes, or a ticket for the play? Take <i>them</i> azy,
+Shusy, and they 'll take <i>you</i> the same. But if you show them they 're
+in your power, take to your bed, sick, when they 're in a hot hurry,
+and want you most, be sulky and out of sperits when they 're all full of
+fun, and go singin' about the house the day they 've got a distressin'
+letter by the post,&mdash;keep to that, and my shure and sartain beleef is,
+that you 'll break down the sperit of the wickidest master and mistress
+that ever breathed.
+</p>
+<p>
+Isn't my mistress, I ask you, as hard to dale with as any? Well, many's
+the time, when I 'm listenin' at the doore, I beerd her say, "Betty
+can't bear me in that shawl,&mdash;Betty put it somewhere, and I 'm afraid to
+ask for it,&mdash;Betty's in one of her tantrums to-day, so I must not cross
+her. I wish I knew how to put Betty Cobb in good humor." "Faix, ma'am,"
+says I to myself, "I believe you well, and it would puzzle wiser heads
+nor you!"
+</p>
+<p>
+And now, Misses Shusan dear, is it any wonder that our tempers get
+spoiled? seein' the lives we lade, and the dreadful turns and twists
+we are obleeged to give our natral dispositions. It's for all the world
+like play-actin'.
+</p>
+<p>
+There's many things different betune this and home, and first and
+foremost religion, Shusan. Religion is n't the same at all. To begin,
+there's no fastin' at all, or next to none; maybe that's bekase, by
+the nature of the cookery, nobody could tell what it was he was eatin'.
+Then, there 's little penance,&mdash;and the little there is ye can get
+off of it by a thrifle. Ye go to confessin' whin ye like, and ye keep
+any-thing back for another time that ye don't wish to tell just then. In
+fact, my dear, it comes to this,&mdash;it's harder to go to Heaven in Ireland
+than any place ever I heerd of, and costs more money into the bargain!
+</p>
+<p>
+The priests has n't half the power they have in Ireland, they 're not
+as well paid, and they can't curse a congregation, nor do any other good
+action that isn't set down in their duty. It's the polis, Shusy, that
+makes ye tremble abroad, and that's the great difference between the two
+countries.
+</p>
+<p>
+As to morils, my dear, I 'm afraid we 're not supariar, for it's the
+women always makes love to the men, which, till you get used to it, has
+a mighty ugly appearance. I b'l'eve it's the smokin' leads to this, for
+a German would n't take his pipe out of his mouth for anything; so that
+courtin' is n't what it is at home.
+</p>
+<p>
+These is my general remarks on the habits of furriners, which I give you
+as free as you ask for them. As to the family, nobody knows where the
+money comes from, but that they're spendin' it in lashins, is true as
+I'm here. And they 're broke up, Shusy, and not the way they used to be.
+The master walks out alone, or with Miss Caraline. Miss Mary Anne stays
+with the mother; and Master James, that's now a grone man, and as bowld
+as brass besides, is always phelanderin' about with Mrs. G., the lady
+that lives with us. I mistrust her, Shusan dear, and Mamsel Virginy, her
+made, too, though she's mighty kind and polite to <i>me</i>, and says she has
+so many "bounties" for the whole family.
+</p>
+<p>
+Paddy Byrne is exactly what you suspect. There's nothin' would put the
+least polish on him. The very way he ates at the table doat disgraces
+us; whenever he gets a thing he likes, instead of helpin' himself and
+passin' it on, he takes the whole dish before him, and conshumes it all.
+As he is always ready to fite, they let him do as he likes, and he is
+become now the terror of the place. I have towld ye now about everybody
+but the ould currier, Mounseer Gregory, an invetherate ould Frinsh
+bla'guard, that never has a dacent word in his month, though he has n't
+a good tooth in it, and ye'd say 't was at his prayers the ould hardened
+sinner should be. The very laff he has, and the way his bleery eyes
+twinkle, is a shame to see! It's nigh to fifty years since he took to
+the road, so that you may think, Shusan dear, what a dale of inequity
+he's seen in that time. It's dreadful sometimes to listen to him.
+</p>
+<p>
+If I was n't ashamed to write them, I 'd tell you two or three of his
+stories, but I will when we meet; and now with my hearty blessin' and
+love, I remane yours to command,
+</p>
+<p>
+Betty Cobb.
+</p>
+<p>
+What's this I heer about one of the M'Carthys dyin', and levin' his
+money to the mistress? Get the news right for me, Shusan dear, for I
+mane to ask for more wagis if it's true, and if Mrs. D. won't decrease
+them, I'll lave the sarvis. Mamsel Virginy towl me last nite there was
+a duchés here that wants a confidenshal made to tache her only daughter
+English, and that's exactly the thing to shoot me; five hundred franks
+a year is equal to twenty pounds, all eatin' and washin', not to mention
+the hoith of respect from all the men-ials in the house. I'm takin'
+Frinsh lessons from ould Gregory every evenin', and he says I 'll be in
+my "accidents" next week.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0024"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XX. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQUIRE, TRINITY COLLEGE,
+</h2>
+<center>
+DUBLIN.
+</center>
+<p>
+You guessed rightly, my dear Bob; my letter to Vickars has turned
+out confoundedly ill, though I must say, all from his total want of
+gentlemanlike feeling. To my ineffable horror the other morning,
+the post arrived with a large packet for the governor, containing my
+"strictly private and confidential" epistle, which this infernal son of
+a pen-wiper sends coolly back to be read by my father.
+</p>
+<p>
+Matters were not going on exactly quite smooth before. We had had
+a rather stormy sitting of the Cabinet the evening previous on the
+estimates, which struck the President of the Council as out of all
+bounds; and yet, all things considered, were reasonable enough. You
+know, Bob, we are a strongish party. Mrs. G. H., with maid and courier;
+Lord George and man; the Dodd family five, with two native domestics,
+and two foreign supernumeraries; occupying the first floor of the first
+hotel at Bonn, with a capital table, and a considerable quantity of
+wine, of one kind or other; these&mdash;without anything that one can call
+extravagance&mdash;swell up a bill, and at the end of a month give it an
+actually formidable look.
+</p>
+<p>
+"What are these?" said the governor, peering through his glasses at a
+long battalion of figures at the foot of the score,&mdash;"what are these?
+Groschen, eh?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Pardon, Monsieur le Comte," said the other, bowing, "dey are Prussian
+thalers!"
+</p>
+<p>
+I wish you saw his face when he heard it! George and I were obliged to
+bolt out of the room, or we should have infallibly exploded.
+</p>
+<p>
+"You 'd better go back," said George to me after we had our laugh out;
+"I 'll take a stroll with the womenkind till you smooth him down a bit."
+</p>
+<p>
+A pleasant office this for me; but there was no help for it, so in I
+went.
+</p>
+<p>
+The first shock of his surprise was not over as I entered, for he
+stood holding the bill in one hand, while he pressed the other on his
+forehead, with a most distracted expression of face.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Do you suspect," said he&mdash;"have you any notion of what rate we are
+living at, James?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Not the slightest," replied I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Do you think it 's of any consequence?" asked he again, in a harsher
+tone.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Why, of course, sir, it&mdash;is&mdash;of some con&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I mean," broke he in, "does it signify whether I go to jail, and the
+rest of you to the workhouse,&mdash;if there be a workhouse in this rascally
+land?"
+</p>
+<p>
+Seeing that he had totally forgotten the landlord's presence, I now
+motioned to that functionary to leave the room. The noise of the door
+shutting roused up the governor again. He looked wildly about him for
+an instant, and then snatching up the poker he aimed a blow at a large
+mirror over the chimney. He struck it with such violence that it was
+smashed in a dozen pieces, four or five of which came clattering down
+upon the floor.
+</p>
+<a name="image-0011"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/256.jpg" height="711" width="711"
+alt="256
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+"I'll be a maniac," cried he. "They shall never say that I ran into
+this extravagance in my sober senses; I 'll finish my days in a madhouse
+first." And with these words he made a rush over to a marble table,
+where a large porcelain vase was standing; by a timely spring I overtook
+him, and pressed him down on an ottoman, where, I assure you, it
+required all my force to hold him. After a few minutes, however, there
+came a reaction; he dropped the poker from his grasp, and said, in a
+low, faint voice, "There&mdash;there&mdash;I 'll do nothing now&mdash;you may release
+me."
+</p>
+<p>
+There 's not a doubt of it, Bob, but he really was insane for a few
+moments, though, fortunately, it passed away as rapidly as it came.
+</p>
+<p>
+"That," said he, with a motion towards the looking-glass,&mdash;"that will
+cost twenty or twenty-five pounds, eh?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Not so much, perhaps," said I, though I knew I was considerably below
+the mark.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Well, I 'm sure it saved me from a fit of illness, anyhow," rejoined
+he, sighing. "If I hadn't smashed it, I think my head would have burst.
+Go over that, James, and see what it is in pounds."
+</p>
+<p>
+I sat down to a table, and after some calculation made out the total to
+be two hundred and seven pounds sterling.
+</p>
+<p>
+"And with the looking-glass, about two hundred and thirty," said he,
+with a sigh. "That's about&mdash;taking everything into consideration&mdash;five
+thousand a year."
+</p>
+<p>
+"You must remember," said I, trying to comfort him, "that these are not
+our expenses solely. There 's Tiverton and his servant, and Mrs. Gore
+Hampton and her people also."
+</p>
+<p>
+"So there is," added he, quickly; "but they had nothing to do with
+<i>that</i>;" and he pointed to the confounded looking-glass, which somehow
+or other had taken a fast hold of his imagination. "Eh, James, that was
+a luxury we had for ourselves!" There was a bitter, sardonic laugh that
+accompanied these words, indescribably painful to hear.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Come now," said he, in a more composed and natural voice, "let us see
+what 's to be done. This is a joint account, James; why not have sent it
+to Lord George&mdash;ay, to the widow also? They may as well frank the Dodd
+family as <i>we</i> pay for <i>them</i>,&mdash;of course, omitting the looking-glass."
+</p>
+<p>
+I hinted that this was a step requiring some delicacy in its management;
+that, if not conducted with great tact, it might be the occasion of
+deep offence. In a word, Bob, I surmised, and conjectured, and hinted a
+hundred things, just to gain a little time, and turn him, if possible,
+into another channel.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Well, what do you advise?" said he, as if wishing to fix me to some
+tangible project.
+</p>
+<p>
+For a moment I was bent on adopting the grand parliamentary tactic of
+stating that there were "three courses open to the House," and then
+going on to show that one of these was absurd, the second impracticable,
+and the last utterly impossible; but I saw that the governor could not
+be so easily put down as the Opposition, and so I said, "Give it till
+to-morrow morning, and I'll see what can be done."
+</p>
+<p>
+Here I felt I was on safe ground, for throughout life I have ever
+remarked that whenever an Irishman is in difficulties, a reprieve is
+as good as a free pardon to him; for so is it, the land which seems
+so thoroughly hopeless in its destinies, contains the most hopeful
+population of Europe!
+</p>
+<p>
+The delay of a few hours made all the difference in the governor's
+spirits, and he rallied and came down to supper just as usual, only
+whispering, as we left the room, with a peculiar low chuckle in
+his voice, "I would n't wonder if the fire there cracked that
+chimney-glass."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Nothing more likely," added I, gravely; and down we went.
+</p>
+<p>
+It might possibly be out of utter recklessness, or perhaps from some
+want of a stimulant to cheer him, but he insisted on having two extra
+bottles of champagne, and he toasted Mrs. Gore Hampton with a zest
+and fervor that certainly my mother didn't approve of. On the whole,
+however, all passed off well, and we wished each other goodnight, with
+the pleasantest anticipations for the morrow.
+</p>
+<p>
+All was well; and we were at breakfast the next morning, merrily
+discussing the plans for the day, when the post arrived, with that
+ominous-looking packet I have already mentioned.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Shall I guess what that contains?" cried Lord George, pointing to the
+words, "on her Majesty's service," printed in the corner. "They 've made
+you Lord-Lieutenant of your county, Dodd! You shake your head. Well,
+it's something in the colonies they 've given you."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Perhaps it's the Civil Cross of the Bath," said Mrs. Gore Hampton.
+"They told me, before I left town, they were going to select some
+Irishman for that distinction."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I 'd rather it was a baronetcy," interposed my mother.
+</p>
+<p>
+"You are all forgetting," broke in my father, "that it's the Tories
+are in power, and they 'll give me nothing. I was always a moderate
+politician, and, for the last ten or fifteen years, there was nothing so
+unprofitable. Violence on either side met its reward, but the quiet men,
+like myself, were never remembered."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Then hang me if I should have been quiet!" cried Lord George.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Well, you see," said my father, breaking his egg slowly with the back
+of his spoon, "it suited me! I've seen a great deal of Ireland; I 'm
+old enough to remember the time when the Beresfords governed
+the country,&mdash;if you can call that government that was done with
+pitched-caps and cat-o'-nine-tails,&mdash;and I remember Lord Whitworth's
+Administration, and Lord Wellesley's, and latterly, Lord Normandy's.
+But, take my word for it, they were wrong, every one of them, and the
+reason was this: the English had a notion in their heads that Ireland
+must always be ruled through the intervention of some leadership or
+other. One time it was the Protestants, then it was the landlords, then
+came Dan O'Connell, and, lastly, it was the priests. Now, every one
+of these failed, because they could n't perform a tithe of what they
+promised; but still they all had that partial kind of success that saved
+the Administration a deal of trouble, and imposed upon the English the
+notion that they were at last learning how to govern Ireland. Meanwhile
+I 'll tell you what was happening. The Government totally forgot there
+was such a thing as a people in Ireland, and, what's worse, the people
+forgot it themselves; and the consequence was, they sank down to the
+level of a mean party following&mdash;a miserable, shabby herd&mdash;to shout
+after an Orange or a Green Demagogue, as the case might be. It was a
+faction, and not a nation; and England saw that, but she had not the
+honesty to own it was her own doing made it such. It was seeing all this
+made me a moderate politician, or, in other words, one who reposed a
+very moderate confidence in either of the parties that pretended to rule
+Ireland."
+</p>
+<p>
+"But you supported your friend, Vickars, notwithstanding," said Lord
+George, slyly.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Very true, so I did; but I never put forward any mock patriotism as the
+reason. What I said was, 'Ye 're all rogues and vagabonds alike, and
+as I know you 'll do nothing for Ireland, at least do something for the
+Dodd family;' and now let us see if he has, for I perceive that this
+address is in his handwriting."
+</p>
+<p>
+I own to you, Bob, I quaked somewhat as I saw him smash the seal. My
+mind misgave me in fifty ways. "Vickars," thought I, "has given me some
+infernal store-keepership in the Gambia, or made me inspector of yellow
+fever in Chusan." I surmised a dozen different promotions, every one
+of which was several posts on the road to the next world. Nor were my
+anticipations much brightened by watching the workings of the governor's
+face as he perused the epistle; for it grew darker and darker, the
+angles of the mouth were drawn down, till that expressive feature put
+on the semblance of a Saxon arch, while his eyes glistened with an
+expression of fiend-like malice.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Well, K. I.," said my mother, in whom the Job-like element was not of
+a high development,&mdash;"well, K. I., what does he say? Is it the old story
+about his list being full, or has he done it at last?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Yes, ma'am," said my father, as though echoing her words. "He has done
+it at last!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"And what is it to be, papa? Is it something that a gentleman can
+suitably accept?" cried Mary Anne.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Done it at last, you may well say!" muttered my father, half aloud.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Better late than never," cried Lord George, gayly.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Well, I don't know <i>that</i>, my Lord," said my father, turning upon him
+with an abruptness little short of offensive; "I am not so sure that
+I quite coincide with you. If a young fellow enters life totally
+uneducated and unprovided for, his only certain heritage being the
+mortgages on his father's property, and perhaps," he added with a
+sneer,&mdash;"and perhaps some of his mother's virtues, I say I am not
+exactly convinced that he has improved his chances of worldly success by
+such a production as <i>that!</i>"
+</p>
+<p>
+And with these words, every one of which he delivered with a terrible
+distinctness, he handed a letter across the table to Lord George, who
+slowly perused it in silence.
+</p>
+<p>
+"As for <i>you</i>, sir," continued my father, turning towards me, "I grieve
+to inform you that no vacancy at present offers itself in the Guards,
+nor in the household, where your natural advantages could be remarked
+and appreciated. It will be, however, a satisfaction to you to know that
+your high claims are already understood, and well thought of, in the
+proper quarter. There's Mr. Vickars's letter." And he presented me with
+the note, which ran thus:&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"Dear Mr. Dodd,&mdash;By the enclosed letter, bearing your son's signature, I
+have discovered how totally below his just expectations would be any
+of those official appointments which are within the limits of my humble
+patronage to bestow.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I have, consequently, cancelled the minute of his nomination to a place
+in the Treasury, which was yesterday conferred upon him, and having
+myself no influence in either of those departments to which his wishes
+incline, I have but to express the regret I feel at my inability to
+serve him, and the great respect with which I beg to remain,
+</p>
+<p>
+"Your very faithful servant,
+</p>
+<p>
+"Haddington Vickars."
+</p>
+<p>
+Board of Trade, London.
+</p>
+<p>
+"To Mr. James K. Dodd, Bonn."
+</p>
+<p>
+I am able to give you the precious document word for word; for, if I
+went over it once, I did so twenty times.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Perhaps you might like to refresh your memory by a glance at the
+enclosure," said my father. "My Lord George will kindly hand it to you."
+</p>
+<p>
+"It is a devilish good letter, though, I must say," broke in George;
+who, to do him justice, Bob, never deserts a friend in difficulties.
+"It's all very fine of this fellow to talk of his inability to do this,
+that, and t' other. Sure, we all know how they chop and barter their
+patronage with one another. One says, you may have that thing at
+Pernambuco, and then another says, 'Very well, there 's an ensigncy in
+the Fifty-ninth.' And that's only gammon about the appointment made
+out yesterday; he wants to ride off on that. A sharp fellow your friend
+Vickars! He 'd look a bit surprised, however, if you were to say that
+this letter of 'Jem's' was a forgery, and that you most gratefully
+accept the nomination he alludes to, and which, of course, is not yet
+filled up."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Eh, what! how do you mean?" cried my father, eagerly, for he caught at
+the very shadow of a chance with desperate avidity.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I was only in jest," said Lord George, who merely wanted, as he
+afterwards said, "to hustle the governor through the deep ground" of
+his anger. "I was in jest about them, for 'Jem's' letter is so good, so
+exceedingly well put, that it would be downright folly to disavow it.
+You have no idea," continued he, gravely, "what excellent policy it is
+always to ask for a high thing. They respect you for it, even when
+they give you nothing; and then, when you do at last receive some
+appointment, it is so certain to be beneath what you solicited, it
+establishes a claim for your perpetual discontent. You go on eternally
+boring about neglect, and so on. You accepted the humble post of Envoy
+at Stuttgard, for instance, under an implied pledge about Vienna or
+Constantinople. Besides these advantages, it is also to be remembered
+that every now and then they actually do take a fellow at his own
+valuation, and give him what he asks for."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Lord George is quite right," chimed in Mrs. Gore Hampton; "half of
+these things are purely accidental. I remember so well my uncle writing
+to beg that the tutor of his boys might get some small thing in the
+Church, just at the moment when the bishop of the diocese had died, and
+the minister, reading the letter carelessly,&mdash;my uncle's hand is very
+hard to decipher,&mdash;mistook the object of the request, and appointed him
+to the bishopric."
+</p>
+<p>
+"In that case," remarked my father, dryly, "I think Mrs. D. had better
+indite an epistle to the Home Office."
+</p>
+<p>
+And, although this was said in a sneer, the laughter that followed went
+far to restore us all to good-humor, particularly as Lord George took
+the opportunity of explaining to Mrs. Gore Hampton what had occurred,
+bespeaking her aid and influence in our behalf.
+</p>
+<p>
+"It is so absurd," said she, "that one should have any difficulty about
+these things, but such is the case. The Duchess will be certain to make
+excuses; she cannot ask for something, because she <i>is</i> 'in waiting,' or
+she is not in waiting. Lord Harrowcliff is sure to tell me that he
+has just been refused a request, and cannot subject himself to another
+humiliation; but I always reply, these are most selfish arguments, and
+that I really must have what I want; that a refusal always attacks
+my nerves, and that I will not be ill merely to indulge a caprice of
+theirs. What is it Mr. James wants?"
+</p>
+<p>
+There was something so practical in this short question, Bob, something
+so decisive, that had she been talking the rankest absurdity but the
+moment before, we should have forgotten it all in an instant.
+</p>
+<p>
+"A mere nothing," replied Lord George. "You'll smile when you hear what
+we 're making such a fuss about." As he said these words, he muttered
+in the governor's ear, "It's all right now; she detests asking a favor,
+but, if she <i>will</i> stoop to it&mdash;" An expressive gesture implied that
+success was certain.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Well, you have n't told me what it is," said she again.
+</p>
+<p>
+Lord George passed round to the back of her chair, and whispered a few
+words. She replied in the same low tone, and then they both laughed.
+</p>
+<p>
+"You don't mean to say," cried she, turning to my father, "that you have
+experienced any difficulty about this trifle?"
+</p>
+<p>
+The governor blundered out some bashful confession, that he had
+encountered the most extraordinary obstacles to his wishes.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I really think," said she, sighing, "they do these things just to
+provoke people. They wanted Augustus t' other day to go out to the
+Cape, and I assure you it was as much as Lady Mary could do to have the
+appointment changed. They said his 'regiment' was there. '<i>Tant pis</i> for
+his regiment!' replied she. 'It must be a most disgusting station.' And
+that is, I must say, the worst of the Horse Guards; they are always so
+imperative,&mdash;so downright cruel. Don't you agree with me, Mrs. Dodd?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"They could n't be worse than the regiment I 've heard my father speak
+of," replied my mother. "They were called the 'North Britains,' and were
+the wickedest set of wretches in the rebellion of '98."
+</p>
+<p>
+This unhappy blunder set my father into a roar of laughter, for latterly
+it is only on occasions like this that he is moved to any show of
+merriment. Mrs. Gore Hampton, of course, never noticed the mistake, but
+saying, "Now for my letters," ordered her writing-desk to be brought: a
+sign of promptitude that at once diverted all our thoughts into another
+channel.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Shall I write to the Duke or to Lady Mary first?" said she, pondering;
+and her eyes, accidentally falling upon my mother, she thought herself
+the person addressed, and replied,&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"Indeed, ma'am, if you ask <i>me</i>, I'd say the Duke."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I'm for Lady Mary," interposed Lord George. "There's nothing like a
+woman to ferret out news, and find a way to profit by it. The duke will
+just say, casually, 'I've got a letter somewhere&mdash;I hope I have not
+mislaid it&mdash;about a vacancy in the "Coldstreams;" if you hear of
+anything, just drop me a hint. By the way&mdash;is Fox in the Fusiliers
+still?'&mdash;or, 'I hope they'll change that shako, it's monstrous!' Now,
+my Lady Mary will go another way to work. She'll remember the name of
+everybody that can be possibly useful. She 'll drive about, and give
+little dinners, and talk, and flatter, and cajole, and intrigue, and,
+growing distant here, and jealous there, she'll bring into action a
+thousand forces that mere men-creatures know nothing of."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I'm for the Duke still," said my mother; and Mary Anne, by an
+inclination of her head, showed that she seconded the motion.
+</p>
+<p>
+It became now an actual debate, Bob, and you would be amazed were I to
+tell you what strong expressions and angry feelings were evoked by mere
+partisanship, on a subject whereupon not one of us had the slightest
+knowledge whatsoever. My father and I were with Tiverton, and as
+"Caroline walked into the lobby," as George phrased it, we carried the
+question. Mrs. G., however, declared that, beside the casting voice,
+she had a right to a vote, and, giving it to my mother's side, we were
+equal. In this stage of the proceedings a compromise alone could be
+resorted to, and so it was agreed that she should write to both by the
+same post; but the discussion had already lost us a day, for the mail
+went out while my mother was "left speaking."
+</p>
+<p>
+I have probably been prolix, my dear friend, in all this detail, but it
+will at least show you how the Dodd family conduct questions of internal
+policy; and teach you, besides, that Cabinets and Councils of State have
+no special prerogative for folly and absurdity, since even small and
+obscure folk like ourselves can contest the palm with them.
+</p>
+<p>
+Neither could you well believe what small but bitter animosities, what
+schisms, and what divisions grew out of a matter so insignificant as
+this. The remainder of the day was passed gloomily enough, for we each
+of us avoided the other, with that misgiving that belongs to those who
+have uneasy consciences.
+</p>
+<p>
+They say that a good harvest often saves a bad administration; certainly
+a fine day will frequently avert a domestic broil. Had the morning which
+followed our debate been a favorable one, the chances are we should have
+been away to the Seven Mountains, or the village of Konigswinter, or
+some such place; bad luck would have it that the rain came down in
+torrents from daybreak, heavy clouds gathered over the Rhine, shutting
+out the opposite bank from view, so that nothing remained to us but
+home resources, which is but too often a brief expression for row and
+recrimination.
+</p>
+<p>
+Breakfast over, each of us, as if dreading a "call of the House,"
+affected some peculiarly pressing duty that he had to perform. The
+governor retired to pore over his accounts, and tried to make out that
+the debit against him in his bankbook was a balance in his favor. My
+mother retreated to her room to hold a grand inspection of her wardrobe;
+a species of review that always discovers several desertions, and a vast
+amount of "unserviceables." Leaving her and Mary Anne in court-martial
+over Betty Cobb, who, as usual, when brought up for sentence, claimed
+the right to be sent home, I pass on to Lord George, whose wet days are
+generally devoted to practising some new "hazard off the cushion,"
+or the investigation of that philosopher's stone, a martingale at
+Rouge-et-Noir, and I arrive at my own case, which invariably
+resolves itself into a day of gun and pistol cleaning,&mdash;an occupation
+mysteriously linked with gloomy weather, as though one ought to have
+everything in readiness to blow his brains out, if the mercury continued
+to fall.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mrs. G. had a headache, and Caroline was in pursuit of one over the
+pages of the "Thirty Years' War." Such was the tableau of the Dodd
+family on this agreeable day. I don't give myself much up to reflection,
+Bob. I have always thought that as life is a road to be travelled, one
+step forward is worth any number in the opposite direction; but I vow to
+you that, on this occasion, I did begin to ponder a little over the past
+and the present, with a half-glance at the future. What the governor had
+said the day before was no more than the truth,&mdash;we <i>were</i> living at
+a tremendous rate. If all belonging to us were sold, the capital would
+scarcely afford six or seven years of such expenditure. These were
+serious, if not stunning reflections, and I heartily wished they had
+occupied any other head than my own.
+</p>
+<p>
+To <i>you</i>&mdash;who have always given your brains their own share of
+work&mdash;thinking is no labor. It's like a gallop to a horse in hard
+bunting condition, and only serves to keep him in wind; but to <i>me</i>,
+whose faculties are, so to say, fresh from grass, the fatigue of thought
+is no trifling infliction. Slow men, I take it, suffer more than your
+clever fellows on these occasions, since their minds are not suggestive
+of expedients, and they go on plodding over the same ground, till they
+make a beaten course in their poor brains, like an old race-ground.
+Something in this fashion must have occurred to me; for by dint of
+that dreary morning's rumination, I half made up my mind to emigrate
+somewhere, and if I did n't exactly know where, the fault lies more in
+my geography than my spirit of enterprise.
+</p>
+<p>
+The only book I could lay my hands on likely to give me any information
+was "Cook's Voyages;" and this, I remembered, was in the governor's
+room. I at once descended the stairs, and had just reached the little
+conservatory outside of it, when I caught sight of a woman's dress
+beneath the thick foliage of the orange-trees. I crept noiselessly
+onward, and after a very devious series of artful dodges, I detected
+Mrs. D. playing eavesdropper at the governor's door.
+</p>
+<p>
+I tried to persuade myself that I was mistaken. I did my best to fancy
+that she was botanizing or "bouquet" gathering; but no, the stubborn
+fact would not be denied. There she was, bent down, with ear and eye
+alternately at the keyhole. Neither the act nor the situation were very
+dignified, and determining that she should not be detected by any other
+in this predicament, I kicked down a flower-pot, and, before I had well
+time to replace it, she was gone.
+</p>
+<p>
+I 'm quite prepared for the laugh you 'll give, Bob, when I own to
+you that no sooner had I seen her vanish from the horizon than I
+deliberately took my place exactly where she had been. Of course, my
+sense of honor and delicacy suggested that I had no other object in
+view than to ascertain what it was that bad drawn her to the spot. Any
+curiosity that possessed me was strictly confined to this.
+</p>
+<p>
+I accordingly bent my ear to the keyhole, and had just time to recognize
+Mrs. Gore Hampton's voice, when the noise of chairs being drawn back,
+and the scuffling sounds of feet, showed that the interview had come
+to an end. Scarcely a moment was left me to shelter myself among the
+leaves, when the door opened, "discovering," as stage directions would
+say, Mr. Dodd and Mrs. Gore Hampton in conversation.
+</p>
+<p>
+There was really a dramatic look in the situation too. The governor's
+flowered dressing-gown and velvet skullcap, decorated in front by his
+up-raised spectacles, like a portcullis over his nose, contrasted so
+well with the graceful morning robe of Mrs. G., all floating and gauzy,
+and to which her every gesture imparted some new character of vapory
+lightness.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Dear Mr. Dodd," said she, pressing his hand with extreme cordiality,
+"you have been so very, very kind, I really have no words to express
+what I feel towards you. I have long felt that I owed you this
+explanation&mdash;I have tried to summon courage for it for weeks past&mdash;then
+I sometimes doubted how you might receive it."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Oh, madam!" interrupted he, gracefully closing his drapery with one
+hand, while he pressed the other on his heart.
+</p>
+<p>
+"You kind creature!" cried she, enthusiastically. "I can now wonder at
+myself that I should ever have admitted a doubt on the question. But
+if you only knew what sorrows I have seen&mdash;if you only knew with what
+severe lessons mistrust and suspicion have become graven on this heart,
+young as it is&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Ah, madam!" murmured he, as though the last few words had made the
+deepest impression upon him.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Well, it's over now," cried she, in her more natural tone of gayety.
+"The weary load is off me, and I am myself again,&mdash;thanks to you, dear,
+dear kind friend."
+</p>
+<p>
+Faith, Bob, from the enthusiasm of the utterance of this last speech, I
+thought that a stage embrace ought to have followed; and I believe that
+the governor was of my mind too, and only restrained by some real or
+fancied necessity to keep his toga closed in front of him. Mrs.
+G., however, as though fearing that he might ultimately forget the
+"unities," again pressed his hand with both her own, and murmuring,
+"With you, then, my secret is safe,&mdash;to <i>you</i> all is confided," she
+hurried away, as if overcome by her feelings.
+</p>
+<p>
+I could not guess what might have reached my mother's ears, but I
+thought to myself, if she only had heard even this much, and witnessed
+the fervor with which it was uttered, the governor's life for the next
+few weeks needs not be envied by any one out of a condemned cell. Not
+that to <i>me</i> the scene admitted of any interpretation which should
+warrant her suspicions; but so it is, she takes a jealous turn every now
+and then, and he can't take a pinch of snuff without her peering over
+his shoulder to see if he has not got a miniature in the lid of the box.
+He used to try to reason her out of these notions,&mdash;his vindications
+even took the dangerous length of certain abstract opinions about the
+sex in general, very far from complimentary; but latterly he has sought
+refuge in drink, which usually ends in an illness, so that an attack of
+jealousy was the invariable premonitory symptom of one of gout; and my
+mother's temper and tincture of colchicum seemed inseparably connected
+by some unseen link.
+</p>
+<p>
+From these thoughts I followed on to others about the scene itself,
+and what possible circumstance could have led Mrs. G. H. to visit the
+governor in his own room, and what was the prodigious mystery she had
+just confided to his keeping. Probability, I fear, takes up little space
+in any speculation about a woman. I am sure that if I were to recount to
+you one-half of the absurd and extravagant fancies that occurred to me
+on this occasion, you would infallibly set me down as mad. I 'll not tax
+your patience with the recital, but frankly confess to you that I have
+not a clew, even the slightest, to the mystery; nor from the manner in
+which I have learned its existence, can I venture to ask Lord George to
+aid me.
+</p>
+<p>
+The incident had one effect,&mdash;it totally banished emigration, clearings,
+and log huts from my mind, and set my thoughts a rambling upon all
+the strange people and extraordinary events that travelling abroad
+introduces one to; and with this reflection I strolled back to my room,
+and sat brooding over the fire till it was time to dress for dinner.
+Although you may not have the vaguest notion of what is passing in the
+minds of certain people, the very fact that they are fully occupied
+with certain strong feelings is a reason for observing them with an
+extraordinary interest; and so was it that our party at table that day
+was full of meaning to me. There was a kind of languid repose about
+Mrs. Gore Hampton's manner which seemed especially assumed towards the
+governor, and a certain fidgety consciousness in <i>his</i>, sufficiently
+noticeable; while my mother, dressed in one of her war turbans, looked
+unutterably fierce things on every side. It was easy enough to see
+that all this additional weight upon the safety-valves of her temper
+threatened a terrible explosion at last, and it required all the tact
+I could muster to my aid to defer the catastrophe. Lord George gave me,
+too, his willing aid, and by the help of an old Professor of Oriental
+Languages, we made up her rubber of whist in the evening.
+</p>
+<p>
+Alas, Bob! even four by honors couldn't console her for the "odd
+trick" she suspected the governor was playing her; and she broke up the
+card-table, and retired with that swelling dignity of manner that is the
+accompaniment of injured feelings.
+</p>
+<p>
+It had been our plan to proceed from this place direct to Baden-Baden,
+which, from everything I can learn, must be a perfect paradise; but now,
+to my great surprise, I discovered that for some secret reason we
+should first go to Ems, and remain there a week or two before proceeding
+further. This arrangement was Mrs. G's, and Lord George seemed to give
+it his hearty concurrence; alleging, but for the first time, that it
+was absurd to think of Baden before the middle of July. I could easily
+perceive that this change of purpose contained some mysterious motive;
+but, as Tiverton persisted in averring that it was "all on the square,"
+and "no double," I had to accept it as such.
+</p>
+<p>
+Such is, therefore, our position as I write these lines; and although
+to-morrow might develop the first movement of the campaign, I cannot
+keep my letter open to communicate it You will see that we are as
+divided as a Ministerial Cabinet. Some of us, doubtless, have their
+honest convictions, and others are, perhaps, plastic enough to receive
+impressions from without, but how we are to work together, and how, as
+the great authority said, the "Government is to be carried on," is more
+than yet appears to
+</p>
+<p>
+Your ever attached friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+James Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+I open my letter to say that Lord G. has just dropped in to tell me what
+is the plan of procedure. The Grand Duchess of Hohenschwillinghen is to
+arrive at Ems this week, and Mrs. G. H. is anxious to wait upon her at
+once. They were dear friends once, but something or other interposed a
+coolness between them of late years. Lord G. endeavored to explain this,
+but I couldn't follow the story. It was something about one of our royal
+family wanting to marry, or not to marry, somebody else, and that Mrs.
+G. H. or the Duchess had promoted or opposed the match. Suffice, it was
+a regular kingly shindy, and all engaged in it were of the blood royal.
+</p>
+<p>
+The really important thing at the moment is that the governor is to
+conduct Mrs. G. H. to-morrow to Ems, and we are to follow in a day
+or two. How my mother will receive this information, or who is to
+communicate it to her, are questions not so easily solved.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0025"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XXI. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER.
+</h2>
+<p>
+My dear Molly,&mdash;If it wasn't that I am supported in a wonderful way, and
+that my appetite keeps good for the bit I eat, I would n't be able to
+sit down here and relate the sufferings of my afflicted heart There has
+been nothing but trials and tribulations over me since I wrote last, and
+I knew it was coming, too, for that dirty beast, Paddy Byrne, upset
+the lamp, and spilled all the oil over the sofa the other evening; and
+whilst the others were scouring and scrubbing with spirit of soap and
+neumonia, I sat down to cry heartily, for I foresaw what was coming; and
+I knew well that spilt oil is the unluckiest thing that ever happens in
+a family.
+</p>
+<p>
+Maybe I wasn't right The very next morning Betty Cobb goes and cuts my
+antic lace flounce down the middle, to make borders for caps; and that
+wasn't enough, but she puts the front breadth of my new flowered satin
+upside down, so that, "to make the roses go right," as James says, "I
+ought to walk on my head." That's spilt oil for you!
+</p>
+<p>
+Whilst I was endeavoring to bear up against these with all Christian
+animosity, in comes the post-bag. The very sight of it, Molly, gave me a
+turn; and, I declare to you, I knew as well there was bad news in it as
+if I was inside of it. You've often beard of a "presentment" Molly,
+and that's what I had; and when you have that, it's no matter what it's
+about, whether it's a road that's broke up, or a bridge that's broke
+down, take my advice, and never listen to what they call "reason," for
+it's just flying in the face of Providence. I had one before Mary Anne
+was born. I thought the poor baby would have the mark of a snail on her
+neck; and true enough, the very same week K. I. was shot through the
+skirts of his coat, and came home with five slugs in him; and when you
+think, as Father Maher said, "Slugs and snails are own brothers," or, at
+least, have a strong anomaly between them, my dream came true; not but I
+acknowledge, gratefully, that in this case the fright was worse than the
+reality.
+</p>
+<p>
+Well, to come back to the bag; I looked at it, and said to myself, as I
+often said to K. I., "Smooth and slippery as you seem without, there's
+bad inside of you;" and you 'll see yourself if I was n't right both
+ways.
+</p>
+<p>
+The first letter they took out was for myself, and in Waters's
+handwriting. It began with all the balderdash and hard names the lawyers
+have for everything, trying to confuse and confound, just as, Father
+Maher says, the "scuttle-fish" muddies the water before he runs away;
+but towards the end, my dear, he grew plainer and more conspicuous, for
+he said, "You will perceive, by the subjoined account, that after the
+payment of law charges, and other contingent expenses, the sum at your
+disposal will amount to twelve hundred and thirty-four pounds six and
+ninepence-halfpenny." I thought I 'd drop, Molly, as I read it; I
+shook and I trembled, and I believe, indeed, ended with a strong fit of
+screeching, for my nerves was weak before, and really this shock was
+too much for any constitution. Twelve hundred and thirty-six! when I
+expected, at the very least, fifteen or sixteen thousand pounds! It was
+only that very blessed morning that I was planning to myself about a
+separation from K. I. I calculated that I 'd have about six hundred a
+year of my own; and, out of decency sake, he could n't refuse me three
+or four more, and with this, and my present knowledge of the Continent,
+I thought I 'd do remarkably well. For I must observe to you, Molly,
+that there's no manner of disgrace, or even unpleasantness, in being
+separated abroad. It is not like in Ireland, where everybody thinks the
+worse of you both; and, what between your own friends and your husband's
+friends, there is n't an event of your private life that 's not laid
+bare before the world, so that, at last, the defence of you turns out
+to be just as dreadful as the abuse. No, Molly, here it's all different
+Next to being divorced, the most fashionable thing is a separation, and
+for one woman, in really high life, that lives with her husband, you 'll
+find three that does not. I suppose, like everything else in this sinful
+world, there's good and there 's bad in this custom. When I first came
+abroad, I own, I disliked to see it. I fancied that, no matter how it
+came about, the women was always wrong. But that was merely an Irish
+prejudice, and, like many others, I have lived to get rid of it. There
+'s nothing convinces you of this so soon as knowing intimately the
+ladies that are in this situation.
+</p>
+<p>
+Of all the amiable creatures I ever met, I know nothing to compare with
+them. It is not merely of manners and good breeding that I speak,
+but the gentle, mild quietness of their temper,&mdash;a kind of submissive
+softness that, I own to you, one can't have with their husbands, and
+maybe that's the reason they 've left them. I merely mention this to
+show you that if I had a reasonably good income, and was separated from
+K. I., there 's no society abroad that I mightn't be in; and, in fact,
+my dear Molly, I may sum all up by saying that living with your husband
+may give you some comfort when you 're at home, but it certainly
+excludes you from all sympathy abroad; and for one friend that you have
+in the former case, you 'll have, at the least, ten in the latter.
+</p>
+<p>
+This will explain to you why and how my thoughts ran upon separation,
+for if I had stayed in Ireland, I 'm sure I 'd never have thought of
+it; for I own to you, with shame and sorrow, Molly, that we know no more
+about civilization in our poor Ireland "than," as Lord George says, "a
+prairie bull does about oil-cake."
+</p>
+<p>
+You may judge, then, of what my feelings was when I read Waters's
+letter, and saw all my elegant hopes melting like jelly on a hot plate.
+Twelve hundred pounds! Was it out of mockery he left it to me? Faith,
+Molly, I cried more that night than ever I thought to do for old Jones
+M'Carthy! Myself and Mary Anne was as red in the eyes as two ferrets.
+</p>
+<p>
+The first, and of course the great shock was the loss of the money,
+and after that came the thought of the way K. I. would behave when he
+discovered my disappointment. For I must tell you that the bare idea of
+my being independent drove him almost crazy. He seemed, somehow, to have
+a kind of lurking suspicion that I'd want to separate, and now, when he
+'d come to discover the trifle I was left, there would be no enduring
+his gibes and his jeers. I had it all before me how he 'd go on,
+tormenting and harassing me from daylight to dark. This was dreadful,
+Molly, and overcame me completely. I knew him well; and that he would
+n't be satisfied with laughing at my legacy, but he 'd go on to abuse
+the M'Carthy family and all my relations. There's nothing a low man
+detests like the real old nobility of a country.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mary Anne and I talked it all over the whole night, and turned it every
+way we could think. If we kept the whole secret, it would save "going
+into black" for ourselves and the servants, and that was a great object;
+but then we could n't take the name of M'Carthy after that of Dodd,
+quartering the arms on our shield, and so on, without announcing
+the death of poor Jones M'Carthy. There was the hitch; for Mary Anne
+persisted in thinking that the best thing about it all was the elegant
+opportunity it offered of getting rid of the name of Dodd, or, at the
+least, hiding it under the shadow of M'Carthy.
+</p>
+<p>
+Ah, my dear Molly, you know the proverb, "Man proposes, but fate
+opposes." While we were discoursing over these things, little I guessed
+the mine that was going to explode under my feet. I mentioned to you in
+my last, I think, a lady with whom we agreed to travel in company,&mdash;a
+Mrs. Gore Hampton, a very handsome, showy woman,&mdash;though I own to you,
+Molly, not what I call "one of <i>my</i> beauties."
+</p>
+<p>
+She is tall and dark-haired, and has that kind of soft, tender way with
+men that I remark does more mischief than any other. We all liked her
+greatly at first,&mdash;I suppose she determined we should, and spared no
+pains to suit herself to our various dispositions. I 'm sure I tried to
+be as accommodating as she was, and I took to arts and sciences that
+I could n't find any pleasure in; but I went with the stream, as the
+saying is, and you 'll see where it left me! I vow to you I had my
+misgivings that a handsome, fine-looking young woman was only thinking
+of dried frogs and ferns. They were n't natural tastes, and so I kept a
+sharp eye on her. At one time I suspected she was tender on Lord George,
+and then I thought it was James; but at last, Molly darling, the truth
+flashed across me, like a streak of lightning, making me stone blind
+in a minute! What was it I perceived, do you think, but that the real
+"Lutherian" was no other than K. I. himself? I feel that I 'm blushing
+as I write it The father of three children, grown-up, and fifty-eight in
+November, if he's not more, but he won't own to it.
+</p>
+<p>
+There's things, Molly, "too dreadful," as Father Maher remarks, "for
+human credulity," and when one of them comes across you in life, the
+only thing is to take up the Litany to St Joseph, and go over it once or
+twice, then read a chapter or two of Dr. Croft's "Modern Miracles of the
+Church," and by that time you're in a frame to believe anything. Well,
+as I had n't the book by me, I thought I 'd take a solitary ramble by
+myself, to reflect and consider, and down I went to a kind of greenhouse
+that is full of orange and lemon trees, and where I was sure to be
+alone.
+</p>
+<p>
+K. I. has what he calls his dressing-room&mdash;it's little trouble dressing
+gives him&mdash;at the end of this; but I was n't attending to that, but
+sitting with a heavy heart under a dwarf fig-tree, like Nebuchadnezzar,
+and only full of my own misfortunes, when I heard through the trees the
+rustling sound of a woman's dress. I bent down my head to see, and there
+was Mrs. G. in a white muslin dressing-gown, but elegantly trimmed with
+Malines lace, two falls round the cape, and the same on the arm, just as
+becoming a thing as any she could put on.
+</p>
+<p>
+"What's this for?" said I to myself; for you may guess I knew she
+did n't dress that way to pluck lemons and green limes; and so I sat
+watching her in silence. She stood, evidently listening, for a minute
+or two; she then gathered two or three flowers, and stuck them in her
+waist, and, after that, she hummed a few bars of a tune, quite low,
+and as if to herself. That was, I suppose, a signal, for K. I.'s door
+opened; and there he stood himself, and a nice-looking article he was,
+with his ragged <i>robe de chambre</i>, and his greasy skull-cap, bowing
+and scraping like an old monkey. "I little knew that such a flower
+was blooming in the conservatory," said he, with a smirk I suppose he
+thought quite captivating.
+</p>
+<p>
+"You do not pretend that you selected your apartment here but in the
+hope of watching the unfolding buds," replied she; and then, with
+something in a lower voice, to which he answered in the same, she passed
+on into his room, and he closed the door after her.
+</p>
+<p>
+I suppose I must have fainted, Molly, after that. I remembered nothing,
+except seeing lemon and orange trees all sliding and flitting about, and
+felt myself as if I was shooting down the Rhine on a raft. Maybe it's
+for worse that I 'm reserved. Maybe it would have been well for me if
+I was carried away out of this world of woe, wickedness, and artful
+widows. When I came to myself, I suddenly recalled everything; and it
+was as much as I could do not to scream out and bring all the house to
+the spot and expose them both. But I subdued my indigent feelings, and,
+creeping over to the door, I peeped at them through the keyhole.
+</p>
+<p>
+K. I. was seated in his big chair, she in another close beside him. He
+was reading a letter, and she watching him, as if her life depended on
+him.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Now read this," said she, thrusting another paper into his hand, "for
+you 'll see it is even worse."
+</p>
+<a name="image-0012"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/278.jpg" height="696" width="882"
+alt="278
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+"My heart bleeds for you, my dear Mrs. Gore," said he, taking off his
+spectacles and wiping his eyes, and red enough they were afterwards, for
+there was snuff on his handkerchief,&mdash;"my heart bleeds for you!"
+</p>
+<p>
+These were his words; and why I didn't break open the door when I heard
+them, is more than I can tell.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I was certain of your sympathy; I knew you 'd feel for me, my dear Mr.
+Dodd," said she, sobbing.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Of course you were," said I to myself. "He was the kind of old fool
+you wanted. But, faith, he shall feel for <i>me</i>, too, or my name is not
+Jemima."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I don't suppose you ever heard of so cruel a case?" said she, still
+sobbing.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Never,&mdash;never," cried he, clasping his hands. "I did n't believe it was
+in the nature of man to treat youth, beauty, and loveliness with such
+inhumanity. One that could do it must be a Creole Indian."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Ah, Mr. Dodd!" said she, looking up into his eyes.
+</p>
+<p>
+"In Tartary, or the Tropics," said he, "such wretches may be found, but
+in our own country and our own age&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Ah, Mr. Dodd," said she, again, "it is only in an Irish heart such
+generous emotions have their home!"
+</p>
+<p>
+The artful hussey, she knew the tenderest spot of his nature by an
+instinct! for if there was anything he could n't resist, it was the
+appeal to his being Irish. And to show you, Molly, the designing
+craft of her, <i>she</i> knew that weakness of K. I. in less than a month's
+acquaintance, that <i>I</i> did n't find out till I was eight or nine years
+married to him.
+</p>
+<p>
+For a minute or two my feelings overcame me so much that I could n't
+look or listen to them; but when I did, she had her hand on his arm, and
+was saying in the softest voice,&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"I may, then, count upon your kindness,&mdash;I may rest assured of your
+friendship."
+</p>
+<p>
+"That you may,&mdash;that you may, my dear madam," said he.
+</p>
+<p>
+Yes, Molly, he called her "madam" to her own face.
+</p>
+<p>
+"If there should be any cruel enough, ungenerous enough, or base
+enough," sobbed she, "to calumniate me, <i>you</i> will be my protector;
+and beneath <i>your</i> roof shall I find my refuge. <i>Your</i> character&mdash;your
+station in society&mdash;the honorable position you have ever held in
+the world&mdash;your claims as a father&mdash;your age&mdash;will all give the best
+contradiction to any scandal that malevolence can invent. Those dear
+venerable locks&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+Just as she said this, I heard somebody coming, and in haste too, for a
+flower-pot was thrown down, and I had barely time to make my escape to
+my own room, where I threw myself on my bed, and cried for two hours.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have gone through many trials, Molly. Few women, I believe, have seen
+more affliction and sorrow than myself; from the day of my ill-suited
+marriage with K. I. to the present moment, I may say, it has been out
+of one misery into another with me ever since. But I don't think I ever
+cried as hearty as I did then, for, you see, there was no delusion
+or confusion possible! I heard everything with my own ears, and saw
+everything with my own eyes.
+</p>
+<p>
+I listened to their plans and projects, and even heard them rejoicing
+that, because he was stricken in years, and the father of a grown
+family, nobody would suspect what he was at "Those dear venerable
+locks," as she called them, were to witness for him!
+</p>
+<p>
+Oh, Molly, wasn't this too bad; could you believe that there was as much
+duplicity in the world as this? <i>I</i> own, <i>I</i> never did. I thought I saw
+wickedness enough in Ireland. I know the shameless way I was cheated in
+wool, and that Mat never was honest about rabbit-skins. But what was all
+that compared to this?
+</p>
+<p>
+When I grew more composed, I sent for Mary Anne, and told her
+everything; but just to show you the perversity of human nature, she
+would n't agree to one word I said. It was law papers, she was sure,
+that Mrs. G. was showing; she had something in Chancery, maybe, or
+perhaps it was a legacy "tied up," like our own, "and that she wanted
+advice about it" But what nonsense that was! Sure, he needn't be the
+father of a family to advise her about all that. And there I was, Molly,
+without human creature to support or sustain me! For the first time
+since I came abroad, I wished myself back in Dodsborough. Not, indeed,
+that K. I. would ever have behaved this way at home in Ireland, with the
+eyes of the neighborhood on him, and Father Maher within call.
+</p>
+<p>
+I passed a weary night of it, for Mary Anne never left me, arguing and
+reasoning with me, and trying to convince me that I was wrong, and if I
+was to act upon my delusions, that I 'd be the ruin of them all. "Here
+we are now," said she, "with the finest opportunity for getting into
+society ever was known. Mrs. G. is one of the aristocracy, and intimate
+with everybody of fashion: quarrel with her, or even displease her,
+and where will we be, or who will know us? Our difficulties are already
+great enough. Papa's drab gaiters, and the name of Dodd, are obstacles
+in our way, that only great tact and first-rate management can get over.
+When we are swimming for our lives," said she, "let us not throw away
+a life-preserver." Was n't it a nice name for a woman that was going to
+shipwreck a whole family.
+</p>
+<p>
+The end of it all was, however, that I was to restrain my feelings, and
+be satisfied to observe and watch what was going on, for as they could
+have no conception of my knowing anything, I might be sure to detect
+them.
+</p>
+<p>
+When I agreed to this plan, I grew easier in my mind, for, as I remarked
+to Mary Anne, "I 'm like soda-water, and when you once draw the cork,
+I never fret nor froth any more." So that after a cold chicken, cut up
+with salad, a thing Mary Anne makes to perfection, and a glass of white
+wine negus, I slept very soundly till late in the afternoon.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mary Anne came twice into my room to see if I was awake, but I was lying
+in a dreamy kind of half-sleep, and took no notice of her, till she said
+that Mrs. Gore Hampton was so anxious to speak to me about something
+confidentially. "I think," said Mary Anne, "she wants your advice
+and counsel for some matter of difficulty, because she seems greatly
+agitated, and very impatient to be admitted." I thought at first to say
+I was indisposed, and could n't see any one; but Mary Anne persuaded me
+it was best to let her in; so I dressed myself in my brown satin with
+three flounces, and my jet ornaments, out of respect to poor Jones that
+was gone, and waited for her as composed as could be.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mary Anne has often remarked that there's a sort of quiet dignity in my
+manner when I 'm offended, that becomes me greatly. I suppose I'm more
+engaging when I am pleased. But the grander style, Mary Anne thinks,
+becomes me even better. Upon this occasion I conclude that I was looking
+my very best, for I saw that Mrs. G. made an involuntary stop as she
+entered, and then, as if suddenly correcting herself, rushed over to
+embrace me.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Forgive my rudeness, my dear Mrs. Dodd, and although nothing can be
+in worse taste than to offer any remark upon a friend's dress, I must
+positively do it. Your cap is charming,&mdash;actually charming."
+</p>
+<p>
+It was a bit of net, Molly, with a rosette of pink and blue ribbon on
+the sides, and only cost eight francs, so that I showed her that
+the flattery didn't succeed. "It's very simple, ma'am," said I, "and
+therefore more suitable to my time of life."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Your time of life," said she, laughing, so that for several minutes she
+could n't continue. "Say <i>our</i> time of life, if you like, and I hope and
+trust it's exactly the time in which one most enjoys the world, and is
+really most fitted to adorn it."
+</p>
+<p>
+I can't follow her, Molly; I don't know what she said, or did n't say,
+about princesses, and duchesses, and other great folk, that made no
+"sensation" whatever in society till they were, as she said, "like us."
+She is an artful creature, and has a most plausible way with her; but
+this I must say, that many of her remarks were strictly and undeniably
+true; particularly when she spoke about the dignified repose and calm
+suavity of womanhood. There I was with her completely, for nothing
+shocks me more than that giggling levity one sees in young girls; and
+even in some young married women.
+</p>
+<p>
+We talked a great deal on this subject, and I agreed with her so
+entirely that I was in danger every moment of forgetting the cold
+reserve that I ought to feel towards her; but every now and then it came
+over me like a shudder, and I bridled up, and called her "ma'am" in a
+way that quite chilled her.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Here, it's four o'clock," said she, at last, looking at her watch, "and
+I have n't yet said one word about what I came for. Of course you know
+what I mean?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I have not that honor, ma'am," said I, with dignity.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Indeed! Then Mr. Dodd has not apprised you&mdash;he has mentioned nothing&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"No, ma'am, Mr. Dodd has mentioned nothing;" and this I said with a
+significance, Molly, that even stone would have shrunk under.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Men are too absurd," said she, laughing; "they recollect nothing."
+</p>
+<p>
+"They do forget themselves at times, ma'am," said I, with a look that
+must have shot through her.
+</p>
+<p>
+She was so confused, Molly, that she had to pretend to be looking for
+something in her bag, and held down her head for several seconds.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Where can I have laid that letter?" said she. "I am so very careless
+about letters; fortunately for me I have no secrets, is it not?"
+</p>
+<p>
+This was too barefaced, Molly, so I only said "Humph!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I must have left it on my table," said she, still searching, "or
+perhaps dropped it as I came along."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Maybe in the conservatory, ma'am," said I, with a piercing glance.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I never go there," said she, calmly. "One is sure to catch cold in it,
+with all the draughts."
+</p>
+<p>
+The audacity of this speech gave me a sick feeling all over, and I
+thought I 'd have fainted. "The effrontery that could carry her through
+that," thought I, "will sustain her in any wickedness;" and I sat there
+powerless before her from that minute.
+</p>
+<p>
+"The letter," said she, "was from old Madame de Rougemont,
+who is in waiting on the Duchess, and mentions that they will reach Ems
+by the 24th at latest. It's full of gossip. You know the old Rougemont,
+what wonderful tact she has, and how well she tells everything."
+</p>
+<p>
+She rattled along here at such a rate, Molly, that even if I knew every
+topic of her discourse, I could not have kept up with her. There was the
+Emperor of Russia, and the Queen of Greece, and Prince this of Bavaria,
+and Prince that of the Asturias, all moving about in little family
+incidents; and what between the things they were displeased at, and
+others that gratified them,&mdash;how this one was disgraced, and that got
+the cross of St. Something, and why such a one went <i>here</i> to meet
+somebody who could n't go <i>there</i>&mdash;my head was so completely addled that
+I was thankful to Providence when she concluded the harangue by
+something that I could comprehend. "Under these circumstances, my dear
+Mrs. Dodd," said she, "you will, I am sure, agree with me, there is no
+time to be lost."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I think not, ma'am," said I, but without an inkling of what I was
+saying.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I knew you would say so," said she, clasping my hand. "You have an
+unerring tact upon every question, which reminds me so strongly of Lady
+Paddington. She and the Great Duke, you know, were said to be never in
+the wrong. It is therefore an unspeakable relief to me that you see this
+matter as I do. It will be, besides, such a pleasure to the poor dear
+Duchess to have us with her; for I vow to you, Mrs. Dodd, I love her for
+her own sake. Many people make a show of attachment to her from selfish
+motives,&mdash;they know how gratified our royal family feel for such
+attentions,&mdash;but I really love her for herself; and so will you, dearest
+Mrs. Dodd. Worldly folk would speculate upon the advantages to be
+derived from her vast influence,&mdash;the posts of honor to be conferred on
+sons and daughters; but I know how little these things weigh with <i>you</i>.
+Not, I must add, but that I give you less credit for this independence
+of feeling than I should accord to others. You and yours are happily
+placed above all the accidents of fortune in this world; and if it ever
+<i>should</i> occur to you to seek for anything in the power of patronage to
+bestow, who is there would not hasten to confer it? But to return to
+the dear Duchess. She says the 24th at latest, and to-day we are at the
+22nd, so you see there is not any time to lose."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Not a great deal indeed, ma'am," said I, for I suddenly remembered all
+about her with K. I., as she laid her hand on my arm exactly as I saw
+her do upon his.
+</p>
+<p>
+"With a sympathetic soul," cried she, "how little need is there of
+explanation! You already see what I am pointing at. You have read in my
+heart my devotion and attachment to that sweet princess, and you see
+how I am bound by every tie of gratitude and affection to hasten to meet
+her."
+</p>
+<p>
+You may be sure, Molly, that I gave my heartiest concurrence to the
+arrangement. The very thought of getting rid of her was the best tidings
+I could hear; since, besides putting an end to all her plots and devices
+for the future, it would give me the opportunity of settling accounts
+with K. I., which it would be impossible to do till I had him here
+alone. It was, then, with real sincerity that my "sympathetic soul"
+fully assented to all she said.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I knew you would forgive me. I knew that you would not be angry with
+me for this sudden flight," said she.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Not in the least, ma'am," said I, stiffly.
+</p>
+<p>
+"This is true kindness,&mdash;this is real friendship," said she, pressing my
+band.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I hope it is, ma'am," said I, dryly; for, indeed, Molly, it was hard
+work for me to keep my temper under.
+</p>
+<p>
+She never, however, gave me much time for anything, for off she went
+once more about her own plans; telling me how little luggage she would
+take, how soon we should meet again, how delighted the Duchess would be
+with me and Mary Anne, and twenty things more of the same sort.
+</p>
+<p>
+At last we separated, but not till we had embraced each other three
+times over; and, to tell you the truth, I had it in my heart to strangle
+her while she was doing it.
+</p>
+<p>
+The agitation I went through, and my passion boiling in me, and no vent
+for it, made me so ill that I was taking Hoffman and camphor the whole
+evening after; and I could n't, of course, go down to dinner, but had
+a light veal cutlet with a little sweet sauce, and a roast pigeon with
+mushrooms, in my own room.
+</p>
+<p>
+K. I. wanted to come in and speak to me, but I refused admission, and
+sent him word that "I hoped I'd be equal to the task of an interview in
+the course of a day or so;" a message that must have made him tremble
+for what was in store for him. I did this on purpose, Molly, for I often
+remarked that there's nothing subdues K. I. so much as to keep something
+hanging over him. As he said once himself, "Life isn't worth having, if
+a man can be called up at any minute for sentence." And that shows you,
+Molly, what I oftentimes mentioned to you, that if you want or expect
+true happiness in the married state, there's only one road to it,
+and that is by studying the temper and the character of your husband,
+learning what is his weakness and which are his defects. When you know
+these well, my dear, the rest is easy; and it's your own fault if you
+don't mould him to your liking.
+</p>
+<p>
+Whether it was the mushrooms, or a little very weak shrub punch that
+Mary Anne made, disagreed with me, I can't tell, but I had a nightmare
+every time I went to sleep, and always woke up with a screech. That's
+the way I spent the blessed night, and it was only as day began to
+break that I felt a regular drowsiness over me and went off into a good
+comfortable doze. Just then there came a rattling of horses' hoofs,
+and a cracking of whips under the window, and Mary Anne came up to
+say something, but I would n't listen, but covered my head up in the
+bedclothes till she went away.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was twenty minutes to four when I awoke, and a gloomy day, with a
+thick, soft rain falling, that I knew well would bring on one of my bad
+headaches, and I was just preparing myself for suffering, when Mary Anne
+came to the bedside.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Is she gone, Mary Anne?" said I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Yes," said she; "they went off before six o'clock."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Thanks be to Providence," said I. "I hope I 'll never see one of them
+again."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Oh, mamma," said she, "don't say that!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"And why wouldn't I say it, Mary Anne?" said I. "Would you have me nurse
+a serpent,&mdash;harbor a boa-constrictor in my bosom?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"But, then, papa," said she, sobbing.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Let him come up," said I. "Let him see the wreck he has made of me. Let
+him come and feast his eyes over the ruin his own cruelty has worked."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Sure he's gone," said she.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Gone! Who's gone?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Papa. He's gone with Mrs. Gore Hampton!"
+</p>
+<p>
+With that, Molly, I gave a scream that was heard all over the house.
+And so it was for two hours&mdash;screech after screech&mdash;tearing my hair
+and destroying everything within reach of me. To think of the old
+wretch&mdash;for I know his age right well; Sam Davis was at school with
+him forty-eight years ago, at Dr. Bell's, and that shows he's no
+chicken&mdash;behaving this way. I knew the depravity of the man well enough.
+I did n't pass twenty years with him without learning the natural
+wickedness of his disposition, but I never thought he 'd go the length
+of this. Oh, Molly! the shock nearly killed me; and coming as it did
+after the dreadful disappointment about Jones M'Carthy's affairs, I
+don't know at all how I bore up against it. I must tell you that
+James and Mary Anne did n't see it with my eyes. They thought, or they
+pretended to think, that he was only going as far as Ems, to accompany
+her, as they call it, on a visit to the Princess,&mdash;just as if there was
+a princess at all, and that the whole story wasn't lies from beginning
+to end.
+</p>
+<p>
+Lord George, too, took their side, and wanted to get angry at my unjust
+suspicions about Mrs. G., but I just said, what would the world think of
+<i>me</i> if I went away in a chaise and four with <i>him</i> by way of paying a
+visit to somebody that never existed? He tried to laugh it off, Molly,
+and made little of it, but I wouldn't let him, in particular before Mary
+Anne,&mdash;for whatever sins they may lay to my charge, I believe that they
+can't pretend that I did n't bring up the girls with sound principles of
+virtue and morality,&mdash;and just to convince him of that, I turned to and
+exposed K. I. to James and the two girls till they were well ashamed of
+him.
+</p>
+<p>
+It's a heartless bad world we live in, Molly! and I never knew its
+badness, I may say, till now. You'll scarce believe me, when I tell
+you that it was n't from my own flesh and blood that I met comfort or
+sympathy, but from that good-for-nothing creature, Betty Cobb. Mary Anne
+and Caroline persisted in saying that K. I.'s journey was all innocence
+and purity,&mdash;that he was only gone in a fatherly sort of a way with her;
+but Betty knew the reverse, and I must own that she seemed to know more
+about him than I ever suspected.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Ah, the ould rogue!&mdash;the ould villain!" she 'd mutter to herself, in a
+fashion that showed me the character he had in the servants' hall. If
+I had only a little command of my temper, I might have found out many a
+thing of him, Molly, and of his doings at Dodsborough, but how could I
+at a moment like that?
+</p>
+<p>
+And that's how I was, Molly, with nothing but enemies about me, in
+the bosom of my own family! One saying, "Don't expose us to the
+world,&mdash;don't bring people's eyes on us;" and the other calling out, "We
+'ll be ruined entirely if it gets into the papers!" so that, in fact,
+they wanted to deny me the little bit of sympathy I might have attracted
+towards my destitute and forlorn condition.
+</p>
+<p>
+Had I been at home, in Dodsborough, I'd have made the country ring with
+his disgrace; but they wouldn't let me utter a word here, and I was
+obliged to sit down, as the poet says, "like a worm in the bud," and
+consume my grief in solitude.
+</p>
+<p>
+He went away, too, without leaving a shilling behind him, and the bill
+of the hotel not even paid! Nothing sustained me, Molly, but the notion
+of my one day meeting him, and settling these old scores. I even worked
+myself into a half-fever at the thought of the way I 'd overwhelm him.
+Maybe it was well for me that I was obliged to rouse my energies to
+activity, and provide for the future, which I did by drawing two bills
+on Waters for a hundred and fifty each, and, with the help of them,
+we mean to remove from this on Saturday, and proceed to Baden, where,
+according to Lord George, "there 's no such things as evil speaking,
+lying, or slandering;" to use his own words, "It's the most charitable
+society in Europe, and every one can indulge his vices without note or
+comment from his neighbors." And, after all, one must acknowledge the
+great superiority in the good breeding of the Continent in this; for,
+as Lord G. remarks, "If there's anything a man's own, it's his
+private wickedness, and there's no such indelicacy as in canvassing or
+discussing it; and what becomes of a conscience," says he, "if everybody
+reviles and abuses you? Sure, doesn't it lead you to take your own part,
+even when you're in the wrong?"
+</p>
+<p>
+He has a persuasive way with him, Molly, that often surprises myself how
+far it goes with me, and indeed, even in the midst of my afflictions and
+distresses, he made me laugh with his account of Baden, and the strange
+people that go there. We're to go to the Hôtel de Russie, the finest in
+the place, and say that we are expecting some friends to join us; for K.
+I. and madam may arrive at any moment. As I write these lines, the girls
+and Betty are packing up the things, so that long before it reaches you
+we shall be at our destination.
+</p>
+<p>
+The worst thing in my present situation is that I must n't mutter a
+syllable against K. I., or, if I do, I have them all on my back; and as
+to Betty, her sympathy is far worse than the silence of the others. And
+there 's the way your poor friend is in.
+</p>
+<p>
+To be robbed&mdash;for I know Waters is robbing me&mdash;and cheated and deceived
+all at the same time, is too much for my unanimity! Don't let on to the
+neighbors about K. I.; for, as Lord G. says, "these things should
+never be mentioned in the world till they 're talked of in the House of
+Lords;" and I suppose he's right, though I don't see why&mdash;but maybe
+it's one of the prerogatives of the peerage to have the first of an ugly
+story.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have done now, Molly, and I wonder how my strength has carried me
+through it. I 'll write you as soon as I get to Baden, and hope to hear
+from you about the wool. I 'm always reading in the papers about the
+improvement of Ireland, and yet I get less and less out of it; but maybe
+that same is a sign of prosperity; for I remember my poor father was
+never so stingy as when he saved a little money; and indeed my own
+conviction is that much of what we used to call Irish hospitality was
+neither more nor less than downright desperation,&mdash;we had so little in
+the world, it wasn't worth hoarding.
+</p>
+<p>
+You may write to me still as Mrs. Dodd, though maybe it will be the last
+time the name will be borne by your Injured and afflicted friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+Jemima.
+</p>
+<p>
+P. S. I 'm sure Paddy Byrne is in K. I.'s secret, for he goes about
+grinning and snickering in the most offensive manner, for which I am
+just going to give him warning. Not, indeed, that I'm serious about
+discharging him, for the journey is terribly expensive, but by way of
+alarming the little blaguard. If Father Maher would only threaten to
+curse them, as he used, we'd have peace and comfort once more.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0026"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XXII. KENNY DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    Eisenach.
+</h3>
+<p>
+My dear Tom,&mdash;You will be surprised at the address at the top of this
+letter, but not a whit more so than I am myself; how, when, and why I
+came here, being matters which require some explanation, nor am I quite
+certain of making them very intelligible to you even by that process.
+My only chance of success, however, lies in beginning at the very
+commencement, and so I shall start with my departure from Bonn, which
+took place eight days ago, on the morning of the 22nd.
+</p>
+<p>
+My last letter informed you of our having formed a travelling alliance
+with a very attractive and charming person, Mrs. Gore Hampton. Lord
+George Tiverton, who introduced us to each other, represented her as
+being a fashionable of the first water, very highly connected, and very
+rich,&mdash;facts sufficiently apparent by her manners and appearance, as
+well as by the style in which she was travelling. He omitted, however,
+all mention of her immediate circumstances, so that we were profoundly
+ignorant as to whether she were a widow or had a husband living, and, if
+so, whether separated from him casually or by a permanent arrangement.
+</p>
+<p>
+It may sound very strange that we should have formed such a close
+alliance while in ignorance of these circumstances, and doubtless in
+our own country the inquiry would have preceded the ratification of
+this compact, but the habits of the Continent, my dear Tom, teach
+very different lessons. All social transactions are carried on upon
+principles of unlimited credit, and you indorse every bill of
+passing acquaintanceship with a most reckless disregard to the day
+of presentation for payment Some would, perhaps, tell you that your
+scruples would only prove false terrors. My own notion, however, is less
+favorable, and my theory is this: you get so accustomed to "raffish"
+intimacies, you lose all taste or desire for discrimination; in fact,
+there's so much false money in circulation, it would be useless to "ring
+a particular rap on the counter."
+</p>
+<p>
+Not that I have the very most distant notion of applying my theory
+to the case in hand. I adhere to all I said of Mrs. G. in my former
+epistle, and notwithstanding your quizzing about my "raptures," &amp;c.,
+I can only repeat everything I there said about her loveliness and
+fascination.
+</p>
+<p>
+Perhaps one's heart becomes, like mutton, more tender by being old; but
+this I must say, I never remember to have met that kind of woman when I
+was young. Either I must have been a very inaccurate observer, or, what
+I suspect to be nearer the fact, they were not the peculiar productions
+of that age.
+</p>
+<p>
+When the Continent was closed to us by war, there was a home stamp
+upon all our manufactures; our chairs and tables, our knives, and our
+candlesticks, were all made after native models, solid and substantial
+enough, but, I believe, neither very artistic nor graceful. We were used
+to them, however; and as we had never seen any other, we thought them
+the very perfection of their kind. The Peace of '15 opened our eyes,
+and we discovered, to our infinite chagrin and astonishment, that, in
+matters of elegance and taste, we were little better than barbarians;
+that shape and symmetry had their claims as well as utility, and that
+the happy combination of these qualities was a test of civilization.
+</p>
+<p>
+I don't think we saw this all at once, nor, indeed, for a number of
+years, because, somehow, it's in the nature of a people to stand up for
+their shortcomings and deficiencies,&mdash;that very spirit being the bone
+and sinew of all patriotism; but I 'll tell you where we felt this
+discrepancy most remarkably,&mdash;in our women, Tom; the very point, of all
+others, that we ought never to have experienced it in.
+</p>
+<p>
+There was a plastic elegance,&mdash;a species of soft, seductive way&mdash;about
+foreign women that took us wonderfully. They did not wait for our
+advances, but met us half-way in intimacy, and this without any boldness
+or effrontery; quite the reverse, but with a tact and delicacy that were
+perfectly captivating.
+</p>
+<p>
+I don't doubt but that, for home purposes, we should have found that
+our own answered best, and, like our other manufactures, that they
+would last longer, and be less liable to damage; but, unfortunately, the
+spirit of imitation that stimulated us in hardware and jewelry, set in
+just as violently about our wives and daughters, and a pretty dance
+has it led us! From my heart and soul I wish we had limited the use of
+French polish to our mahogany!
+</p>
+<p>
+I don't know how I got into this digression, Tom, nor have I the least
+notion where it would conduct me; but I feel that the Mrs. Gore Hamptons
+of this world took their origin in the time and from the spirit I speak
+of, and a more dangerous Invention the age never made.
+</p>
+<p>
+When you read over your notes, and sum up what I 've been saying, you
+'ll perhaps discover the reason of what you are pleased in your last
+letter to call my "extreme sensibility to the widow's charms." But you
+wrong us both, for <i>I</i>'m not in love, nor is <i>she</i> a widow! And this
+brings me back to my narrative.
+</p>
+<p>
+About ten days ago, as I was sitting in my own room, in the <i>otium cum
+dig.</i> of my old dressing-gown and slippers, I received a visit from
+Mrs. G. in a manner which at once proclaimed the strictest secrecy and
+confidence. She came, she said, to consult me, and, as a gentleman, I am
+bound to believe her; but if you want to make use of a man's faculties,
+you 'd certainly never begin by turning his brain. If you wished to send
+him of a message, you 'd surely not set out by spraining his ankle?
+</p>
+<p>
+They say that the French Cuirassiers puzzled our Horse Guards greatly at
+Waterloo. There was no knowing where to get a stick at them. There 's a
+kind of dress just now the fashion among ladies, that confuses me fully
+as much,&mdash;a species of gauzy, filmy, floating costume that makes you
+always feel quite near, and yet keeps you a considerable distance
+off. It's a most bewitching, etherial style of costume, and especially
+invented, I think, for the bewilderment of elderly gentlemen.
+</p>
+<p>
+More than half of the effect of a royal visit to a man's own house is
+in the contrast presented by an illustrious presence to the little
+commonplace objects of his daily life. Seeing a king in his own sphere,
+surrounded with all the attributes and insignia of his station, is not
+nearly so astounding as to see him sitting in your old leather armchair,
+with his feet upon your fender,&mdash;mayhap, stirring your fire with your
+own poker. Just the same kind of thing is the appearance of a pretty
+woman within the little den, sacred to your secret smokings and studies
+of the "Times" newspaper. An angel taking off her wings in the hall,
+and dropping in to take pot-luck with you, could scarcely realize a more
+charming vision!
+</p>
+<p>
+All this preliminary discourse of mine, Tom, looks as if I were skulking
+the explanation that I promised. I know well what is passing in your
+mind this minute, and I fancy that I hear you mutter, "Why not tell us
+what she came about,&mdash;what brought her there?" It's not so easy as
+you think, Tom Purcell. When a very pretty woman, in the most becoming
+imaginable toilette, comes and tells you a long story of personal
+sufferings, and invokes your sympathy against the cruel treatment of
+a barbarous husband and his hard-hearted family; when the narrative
+alternates between traits of shocking tyranny on one side, and angelic
+submission on the other; when you listen to wrongs that make your
+blood boil, recounted by accents that make your heart vibrate; when the
+imploring looks and tones and gesture that failed to excite pity in her
+"monster of a husband" are all rehearsed before you yourself,&mdash;to <i>you</i>
+directed those tearful glances of melting tenderness,&mdash;to <i>you</i> raised
+up those beautiful hands of more than sculptured symmetry,&mdash;I say,
+again, that your reason is never consulted on the whole process. Your
+sensibility is aroused, your sympathy is evoked, and all your tenderest
+emotions excited, pretty much as in hearing an Italian opera, where,
+without knowing one word of the language, the tones, the gestures,
+the play of feature, and the signs of passion move and melt you into
+alternate horror at cruelty, and compassionate sorrow for suffering.
+</p>
+<p>
+Make the place, instead of the stage, your own study, and the personage
+no <i>prima donna</i>, but a very charming creature of the real world, and
+the illusion is ten times more complete.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have no more notion of Mrs. Gore Hampton's history than I should have
+of the plot of a novel from reading a newspaper notice of it. She was
+married at sixteen. She was very beautiful, very rich,&mdash;a petted, spoilt
+child. She thought the world a fairy tale, she said. I was going to ask,
+was it "Beauty and the Beast" that was in her mind? At first all was
+happiness and bliss; then came jealousy, not on her part, but his;
+disagreements and disputes followed. They went abroad to visit some
+royal personage,&mdash;a duchess, a grand-duchess, an archduchess of
+something, who figures through the whole history in a mysterious and
+wonderful manner, coming in at all times and places, and apparently
+never for any other purpose than wickedness, like Zamiel in the
+"Freyschutz;" but, notwithstanding, she is always called the dear,
+good, kind Princess,&mdash;an apparent contradiction that also assists the
+mystification. Then, there are letters from the husband,&mdash;reproach and
+condemnation; from the wife,&mdash;love, tenderness, and fidelity.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Duchess happily writes French, so I am spared the pains of following
+<i>her</i> correspondence. Chancery was nothing to the confusion that comes
+of all this letter-writing, but I come out with the one strong fact,
+that the dear Princess stands by Mrs. G. through thick and thin, and
+takes a bold part against the husband. A shipwrecked sailor never clung
+to a hencoop with greater tenacity than did I grasp this one solitary
+fact, floating at large upon the wide ocean of uncertainty.
+</p>
+<p>
+I assure you I almost began to feel an affection for the Duchess,
+from the mere feeling of relief this thought afforded. She was like a
+sanctuary to my poor, persecuted, hunted-down imagination!
+</p>
+<p>
+Have you ever, in reading a three-volume novel, Tom, been on the eve
+of abandoning the task from pure inability to trace out the story, when
+suddenly, and as it were by chance, some little trait or incident gives,
+if not a clew to the mystery, at least that small flickering of light
+that acts as a guide-star to speculation?
+</p>
+<p>
+This was what I experienced here, and I said to myself, "I know the
+sentiments of the Duchess, at least, and that's something."
+</p>
+<p>
+Do you know that I did n't like proceeding any farther with the story;
+like a tired swimmer, who had reached a rock far out at sea, I did n't
+fancy trusting myself once more to the waves. However, I was not allowed
+the option. Away went the narrative again,&mdash;like an express train in a
+dark tunnel. If we now and then did emerge upon a bit of open country
+where we could see about us, it was to dive the next minute into some
+deep cutting, or some gloomy cavern, without light or intelligence.
+</p>
+<p>
+It appeared to me that Mr. Gore Hampton would be a very proper case for
+private assassination; but I did n't like the notion of doing it myself,
+and I was considerably comforted by finding that the course she had
+decided on, and for which she was now asking my assistance, was more
+pacific in character, and less dangerous. We were to seek out the dear
+Princess; she was to be at Ems on the 24th, and we were at once to throw
+ourselves, figuratively, into her hands, and implore protection.
+The "monster"&mdash;the word is shorter than his name, and serves equally
+well&mdash;had written innumerable letters to prejudice her against his
+wife, recounting the most infamous calumnies and the most incredible
+accusations. These we were to refute: how I did n't exactly know, but we
+were to do it. With the dear Princess on our side, the monster would be
+quite powerless for further mischief; for, by some mysterious agency, it
+appeared that this wonderful Duchess could restore a damaged reputation,
+just as formerly kings used to cure the evil.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was a great load off my mind, Tom, to know that nothing more was
+expected of me. She might have wanted me to go to England, where there
+are two writs out against me, or to advance a sum of money for law when
+I have n't a sixpence for living, or maybe to bully somebody that would
+n't be bullied; in fact, I did n't know what impossibilities mightn't
+be passing through her brain, or what difficult tasks she might be
+inventing, as we read of in those stories where people make compacts
+with the devil, and always try to pose him by the terms of the bargain.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the present instance, I certainly got off easier than I should have
+done with the "Black Gentleman." All that was required of me was to
+accompany a very charming and most agreeable woman on an excursion of
+about two or three days' duration through one of the most picturesque
+parts of the Rhine country, in a comfortable town-built britschka,
+with every appliance of ease and luxury about it. We have an adage
+in Ireland, "There's worse than this in the North," and faith, Tom, I
+couldn't help saying so. Mrs. G.'s motive in asking my companionship was
+to show her dear Duchess that she was domesticated, and living with a
+most respectable family, of which I was the head. You may laugh at the
+notion, Tom, but I was to be brought forward as a model "paterfamilias,"
+who could harbor nothing wrong.
+</p>
+<p>
+I believe I smiled myself at the character assigned. But "isn't life a
+stage?" and in nothing more so than the fact that no man can choose his
+part, but must just take what the great stage-manager&mdash;Fate&mdash;assigns
+him; and it is just as cruel to ridicule the failures and shortcomings
+we often witness in public men as to shout, in gallery-fashion, at
+some poor devil actor obliged to play a gentleman with broken boots and
+patched pantaloons.
+</p>
+<p>
+There were, indeed, two difficulties, neither of them inconsiderable,
+in the matter. One was money. The journey would needs be costly. Posting
+abroad is to the full as expensive as at home. The other was as to
+Mrs. Dodd. How would she take it? I was bound over in the very heaviest
+recognizances to secrecy. Mrs. G. insisted that I alone should be the
+depositary of her secret; and she was wise there, for Mrs. D. would have
+revealed it to Betty Cobb before she slept. What if she should take
+a jealous turn? It was true the Mary Jane affair had made her rather
+ashamed of herself, but time was wearing off the effect. Mrs. Gore
+Hampton was a handsome woman, and there would be a kind of <i>éclat</i> in
+such a rivalry! I knew well, Tom, that if she once mounted this hobby,
+there was nothing could stop her. All her visions of fashionable
+introductions, all the bright charms of high society, to which Mrs. G.'s
+intimacy was to lead, would melt away, like a mirage, before the high
+wind of her angry indignation.
+</p>
+<p>
+She would have put Mrs. G. in the dock, and arraigned her like any
+common offender. It was not without reason, then, that I dreaded such a
+catastrophe; and in a kind of semi-serious, semi-jocose way, I told Mrs.
+Gore of my misgivings.
+</p>
+<p>
+She took it beautifully, Tom. She did n't laugh as if the thing was
+ridiculous, and as if the idea of Kenny Dodd performing "Amoroso" was a
+glaring absurdity. "Not at all," she gravely said; "I have been thinking
+over that, and, as you remark, it <i>is</i> a difficulty." Shall I own to
+you, Tom, that the confession sent a strange thrill through me; and
+like a man selected to lead a forlorn hope, I still felt that the choice
+redounded to my credit?
+</p>
+<p>
+"I think, however," said she, after a pause, "if you confided the matter
+to <i>my</i> management, if you leave <i>me</i> to explain to Mrs. Dodd, I shall
+be able, without revealing more than I wish, to satisfy her as to the
+object of our journey."
+</p>
+<p>
+I heartily assented to an arrangement so agreeable; I even promised not
+to see Mrs. D. before we started, lest any unfortunate combination of
+circumstances might interfere with our project.
+</p>
+<p>
+The pecuniary embarrassment I communicated to Lord George. He quite
+agreed with me that I could n't possibly allude to it to Mrs. G. "In all
+likelihood," said he, "she will just hand you a book of blank checks, or
+Herries's circulars, and say, 'Pray do me the favor to take the trouble
+off my hands.' It is what she usually does with any of her friends with
+whom she is sufficiently intimate; for, as I told you, she is a 'perfect
+child about money.'" I might have told him that, so far as having very
+little of it, so was I too.
+</p>
+<p>
+"But supposing," said I, "that, in the bustle of departure, and in the
+preoccupation of other thoughts, she should n't remember to do this;
+such is likely enough, you know?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Oh, nothing more so," said he, laughing. "She is the most absent
+creature in the world."
+</p>
+<p>
+"In that case," said I, "one ought to be, in a measure, prepared."
+</p>
+<p>
+"To a certain extent, assuredly," said he, coolly. "You might as well
+take something with you,&mdash;a hundred pounds or so."
+</p>
+<p>
+You can imagine the choking gulp in my throat as I heard these words.
+Why, I had n't twenty&mdash;no, not ten; I doubt, greatly, if I had fully
+five pounds in my possession. I was living in the daily hope of that
+remittance from you, which, by the way, seems always tardier in coming
+in proportion as Ireland grows more prosperous.
+</p>
+<p>
+Tiverton, however, does not limit his services to good counsel; he can
+act as well as think. For a bill of three thousand francs, at thirty-one
+days, I received, from the landlord of the hotel, something short of a
+hundred Napoleons,&mdash;a trifle under six hundred per cent per annum, but,
+of course, not meant to run for that time. Lord George said, "Everything
+considered, it was reasonable enough;" and if that implied that I 'd
+never repay a farthing of it, perhaps he was correct. "I 'm sorry,"
+said he, "that the 'bit of stiff,'" meaning the bill, "was n't for five
+thousand francs, for I want a trifle of cash myself, at this moment." In
+this regret I did not share, Tom, for I clearly saw that the additional
+eighty pounds would have been out of <i>my</i> pocket!
+</p>
+<p>
+I have now, as briefly as I am able, but, perhaps, tediously enough,
+told you of all the preliminary arrangements of our journey, save one,
+which was three lines that I left for Mrs. D. before starting,&mdash;not very
+explanatory, perhaps, but written in "great haste."
+</p>
+<p>
+It was a splendid morning when we started. The sun was just topping the
+Drachenfels, and sending a perfect flood of golden glory over the Rhine,
+and that rich tract of yellow corn country along its left bank, the
+right being still in deep shadow. From the Kreutzberg to the Seven
+Mountains it was one gorgeous panorama, with mountain and crag, and
+ruined castles, vine-clad cliffs, and plains of waving wheat, all seen
+in the calm splendor of a still summer's morning.
+</p>
+<p>
+I never saw anything as beautiful; perhaps I never shall again. Of my
+rapturous enjoyment of the scene, as we whirled along with four posters
+at a gallop, the best criterion I can give you is that I totally
+forgot everything but the enchanting vision around me. Ireland, home,
+Dodsborough, petty sessions, police and poor-rates, county cess,
+Chancery, all my difficulties, down even to Mrs. D. herself, faded away,
+and left me in undisturbed and unbounded enjoyment.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have often had to tell you of my disappointment with the Continent;
+how little it responded to my previous expectations, and how short
+came every trait of nationality of that striking effect I had once
+foreshadowed. The distinctive features of race, from which I had
+anticipated so much amusement, all the peculiarities of dress, custom,
+and manner which I had speculated on as sources of interest, had either
+no existence whatever, or demanded a far shrewder and nicer observation
+than mine to detect. These have I more than once complained of to you in
+my letters; and I was fast lapsing into the deep conviction that, except
+in being the rear-guard of civilization, and adhering to habits which
+have long since been superseded by improved and better modes with us,
+the Continent differs wonderfully little from England.
+</p>
+<p>
+The reason of this impression was manifestly because I was always in
+intercourse with foreigners who live and trade upon English travellers,
+who make a livelihood of ministering to John Bull's national leanings
+in dress, cookery, and furniture; and who, so to say, get up a kind of
+artificial England abroad, where the Englishman is painfully reminded of
+all the comforts he has left behind him, without one single opportunity
+for remembering the compensations he is receiving in return. To this
+cause is attributable, mainly, the vulgar impression conveyed by a first
+glance at the Continent It is a bad travesty of a homely original.
+</p>
+<a name="image-0013"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/304.jpg" height="605" width="1107"
+alt="304
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+What a sudden change came over me now, as we swept along through this
+enchanting country, where every sight and every sound were novel
+and interesting! The little villages, almost escarped from the tall
+precipice that skirted the river, were often of Roman origin; old towers
+of brick, and battlemented walls, displaying the S. P. Q. R.,&mdash;those
+wonderful letters which, from school days to old age, call up such
+conceptions of this mighty people. A great wagon would draw aside to let
+us pass; and its giant oxen, with their massive beams of timber on their
+necks, remind one of the old pictures in some illustrated edition of the
+"Georgics." The splash of oars, and the loud shouts of men, turn your
+eyes to the Rhine, and it is a raft, whole acres of timber, slowly
+floating along, the evidence of some primeval pine forest hundreds
+of miles away, where the night winds used to sigh in the days of the
+Cæsars. And now every head is bare, and every knee is bowed, for a
+procession moves past, on its way to some holy shrine, the zigzag path
+to which, up the mountain, is traceable by the white line of peasant
+girls, whose voices are floating down in mellow chorus. Oh, Tom!
+the whole scene was full of enchantment, and didn't require the
+consciousness that would haunt me to make it a vision of perfect
+enjoyment. You ask what was that same consciousness I allude to? Neither
+more nor less, my dear friend, than the little whisper within me, that
+said, "Kenny Dodd, where are you going, and for what? Is it Mrs. D.
+is sitting beside you? or are you quite sure it's not some other man's
+wife?"
+</p>
+<p>
+You 'll say, perhaps, these were rather disturbing reflections, and so
+they would have been had they ever got that far; but as mere flitting
+fancies, as passing shadows over the mind, they heightened the enjoyment
+of the moment by some strange and mysterious agency, which I am quite
+unable to explain, but which, I believe, is referable to the same
+category as the French Duchess's regret "that iced water was n't a sin,
+or it would be the greatest delight of existence."
+</p>
+<p>
+If my conscience had been unmannerly enough to say, "Ain't you doing
+wrong, Kenny Dodd?" I 'm afraid I 'd have said "Yes," with a chuckle of
+satisfaction. I'm afraid, my dear Tom, that the human heart, at least in
+the Irish version, is a very incomprehensible volume.
+</p>
+<p>
+Let us strive to be good as much as we may, there is a secret sense of
+pleasure in doing wrong that shows what a hold wickedness has of us.
+I believe we flatter ourselves that we are cheating the devil all the
+while, because we intend to do right at last; but the danger is that the
+game comes to an end before we suspect, and there we are, "cleaned out,"
+and our hand full of trumps.
+</p>
+<p>
+You'll say, "What has all this to say to the Rhine, or Mrs. Gore
+Hampton?" Nothing whatever. It only shows that, like the Reflections on
+a Broomstick, your point of departure bears no relation to the goal of
+your voyage.
+</p>
+<p>
+"What's the name of this village, Mr. Dodd?" whispers a soft voice from
+the deep recesses of the britschka.
+</p>
+<p>
+"This is Andernach, Madam," said I, opening my "John," for I find
+there's no doing without him. "It is one of the most ancient cities of
+the Rhine. It was called by the Romans&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Never mind what it was called by the Romans; isn't there a legend about
+this ancient castle? To be sure there is; pray find it."
+</p>
+<p>
+And I go on mumbling about Drusus, and Roman camps, and vaulted portals.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Oh, it's not that," cries she, laughing.
+</p>
+<p>
+"There are two articles of traffic peculiar to this spot Millstones&mdash;"
+She puts her hand on my lips here, and I am unable to continue my
+reading, while she goes on: "I remember the legend now. It was a certain
+Siegfried, the Count Palatine of the Rhine, who, on his return from the
+Crusades, was persuaded by slanderous tongues to believe his wife had
+been faithless to him."
+</p>
+<p>
+"The wretch!&mdash;the Count, I mean."
+</p>
+<p>
+"So he was. He drove her out a wanderer upon the wide world, and she
+fled across the Rhine into that mountain country you see yonder, which
+then, as now, was all impenetrable forest There she passed years and
+years of solitary existence, unknown and friendless. There were no Mr.
+Dodds in those days, or, at least, she had not the good fortune to meet
+with them."
+</p>
+<p>
+I sigh deeply under the influence of such a glance, Tom, and she
+resumes,&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"At last, one day, when fatigued with the chase, and separated from
+his companions, the cruel Count throws himself down to rest beside a
+fountain; a lovely creature, attired gracefully but strangely in the
+skins of wild beasts&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"She did n't kill them herself?" said I, interrupting.
+</p>
+<p>
+"How absurd you are! Of course she did n't;" and she draws her own
+ermine mantle across her as she speaks, smoothing the soft fur with
+her softer hand. "The Count starts to his feet, and recognizes her in
+a moment, and at the same instant, too, he is so struck by the manifest
+protection Providence has vouchsafed her, that he listens to her tale of
+justification, and conducts her in triumph home,&mdash;his injured but
+adored wife. I think, really, people were better formerly than they
+are now,&mdash;more forgiving, or rather, I mean, more open to truth and its
+generous impulses."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Faith, I can't say," replied I, pondering; "the skins may have had
+something to say to it." Here she bursts into such a fit of laughter
+that I join from sheer sympathy with the sound, but not guessing in the
+least why or at what.
+</p>
+<p>
+We soon left Andernach behind us, and rolled along beside the rapid
+Rhine, on a beautiful road almost level with the river, which now for
+some miles becomes less bold and picturesque.
+</p>
+<p>
+At last we arrived at Coblentz to dinner, stopping at a capital inn
+called the "Giant," after which we strolled through the town to stare
+at the shops and the quaintly dressed peasant girls, whose embroidered
+head-gear, a kind of velvet cap worked in gold or silver, so pleased
+Mrs. G. that we bought three or four of them, as well as several of
+those curiously wrought silver daggers which they wear stuck through
+their black hair.
+</p>
+<p>
+I soon discovered that my fair friend was a "child" about other things
+besides "money." Jewelry was one of these, and for which she seemed
+to have the most insatiable desire, combined with a most juvenile
+indifference as to cost. The country girls wear massive gold earrings of
+the strangest fashion, and nothing would content her but buying several
+sets of these. Then she took a fancy to their gold chains and rosaries,
+and, lastly, to their uncouth shoe-buckles, all of which she assured me
+would be priceless in a fancy dress.
+</p>
+<p>
+In fact, my dear Tom, these minor preparations of hers, to resemble a
+Rhine-land peasant, came to a little over seventeen pounds sterling, and
+suggested to me, more than once, the secret wish that our excursion had
+been through Ireland, where the habits of the natives could have been
+counterfeited at considerably less cost.
+</p>
+<p>
+As "we were in for it," however, I bore myself as gallantly as might be,
+and pressed several trifling articles on her acceptance, but she tossed
+them over contemptuously, and merely said, "Oh, we shall find all
+these things so much better at Ems. They have such a bazaar there!" an
+announcement that gave me a cold shudder from head to foot. After taking
+our coffee, we resumed our journey, Ems being only distant some eleven
+or twelve miles, and, I must say, a drive of unequalled beauty.
+</p>
+<p>
+Once more on the road, Mrs. G. became more charming and delightful than
+ever. The romantic glen, through which we journeyed, suggested much
+material for conversation, and she was legendary and lyrical, plaintive
+and merry by turns, now recounting some story of tragic history, now
+remembering some little incident of modern fashionable life, but all, no
+matter what the theme, touched with a grace and delicacy quite her
+own. In a little silence that followed one of these charming sallies, I
+noticed that she smiled as if at something passing in her own thoughts.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Shall I tell you what I was thinking of?" said she, smiling.
+</p>
+<p>
+"By all means," said I; "it is a pleasant thought, so pray let me share
+in it."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I'm not quite so certain of that," said she. "It is rather puzzling
+than pleasant. It is simply this: 'Here we are now within a mile of Ems.
+It is one of the most gossiping places in Europe. How shall we announce
+ourselves in the Strangers' List?"
+</p>
+<p>
+The difficulty had never occurred to me before, Tom; nor indeed, did I
+very clearly appreciate it even now. I thought that the name of Kenny
+Dodd would have sufficed for me, and I saw no reason why Mrs. Gore
+Hampton should not have been satisfied with her own appellation.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I knew," said she, laughing, "that you never gave this a thought. Isn't
+that so?" I had to confess that she was quite correct, and she went on:
+"Adolphus "&mdash;this was the familiar for Mr. Gore Hampton&mdash;"is so well
+known that you could n't possibly pass for him; besides, he is very
+tall, and wears large moustaches,&mdash;the largest, I think, in the Blues."
+</p>
+<p>
+"That's clean out of the question, then," said I, stroking my smooth
+chin in utter despair.
+</p>
+<p>
+"You 're very like Lord Harvey Bruce, could n't you be <i>him?</i>"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I'm afraid not; my passport calls me Kenny James Dodd."
+</p>
+<p>
+"But Lord Harvey is a kind of relative of mine; his mother was a Gore; I
+'m sure you could be him."
+</p>
+<p>
+I shook my head despondently; but somehow, whenever a sudden fancy
+strikes her, the impulse to yield to it seems perfectly irresistible.
+</p>
+<p>
+"It's an excellent idea," continued she, "and all you have to do is to
+write the name boldly in the Travellers' Book, and say your passport is
+coming with one of your people."
+</p>
+<p>
+"But he might be here?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Oh, he's not here; he could n't be here! I should have heard of it if
+he were here."
+</p>
+<p>
+"There may be several who may know him personally here."
+</p>
+<p>
+"There need be no difficulty about that," replied she; "you have only
+to feign illness, and keep your room. I 'll take every precaution to
+sustain the deception. You shall have everything in the way of comfort,
+but no visitors,&mdash;not one.".
+</p>
+<p>
+I was thunderstruck, Tom! the notion of coming away from home, leaving
+my family, and braving Mrs. D., all that I might go to bed at Ems, and
+partake of low diet under a fictitious title, actually overwhelmed me.
+I thought to myself, "This is a hazardous exploit of mine; it may be a
+costly one too: at the rate we are travelling, money flies like chaff,
+but at least I shall have something for it. I shall see fashionable
+life under the most favorable auspices. I shall dine in public with my
+beautiful travelling-companion. I shall accompany her to the Cursaal,
+to the Promenade, to the play-tables. I shall eat ice with her under the
+'Lindens,' in the 'Allée.' I shall be envied and hated by all the puppy
+population of the Baths, and feel myself glorious, conquering, and
+triumphant." These, and similar, had been my sustaining reflections,
+under all the adverse pressure of home thoughts. These had been my
+compensation for the terrors that assuredly loomed in the distance.
+But now, instead of the realization, I was to seek my consolation in a
+darkened room, with old newspapers and water gruel!
+</p>
+<p>
+Anger and indignation rendered me almost speechless. "Was it for this?"
+I exclaimed twice or thrice, without being able to finish my sentence;
+and she gently drew her hand within my arm, and, in the tenderest of
+accents, stopped me, and said, "No; not for this!"
+</p>
+<p>
+Ah, Tom! you know what we used to hear in the "Beggar's Opera," long
+ago. "'Tis women that seduces all mankind." I suppose it's true. I
+suppose that if nature has made us physically strong, she has made us
+morally weak.
+</p>
+<p>
+I wanted to be resolute; injured and indignant, I did my best to feel
+outraged, but it wouldn't do. The touch of three taper fingers of an
+ungloved hand, the silvery sounds of a soft voice, and the tenderly
+reproachful glance of a pair of dark blue eyes routed all my resolves,
+and I was half ashamed of myself for needing even such gentle reproof.
+</p>
+<p>
+From that moment I was her slave; she might have sent me to a
+plantation, or sold me in a market-place, resistance, on my part, was
+out of the question; and is n't this a pretty confession for the father
+of a family, and the husband of Mrs. D.? Not but, if I had time, I could
+explain the problem, in a non-natural sense, as the fashionable phrase
+has it, or even go farther, and justify my divided allegiance, like
+one of our own bishops, showing the difference between submission
+to constituted authority, and fidelity to matters of faith,&mdash;Mrs. D.
+standing to represent Queen Victoria, and Mrs. Gore Hampton Pope Pius
+the Ninth!
+</p>
+<p>
+These thoughts didn't occur to me at once, Tom; they were the fruit of
+many a long hour of self-examination and reflection as I lay alone in my
+silent chamber, thinking over all the singular things that have occurred
+to me in life, the strange situations I have occupied, and of this, I
+own, the very strangest of all.
+</p>
+<p>
+It must be a dreadful thing to be really sick in one of these places.
+There seems to be no such thing as night, at least as a season of
+repose. The same clatter of plates, knives, and glasses goes on; the
+same ringing of bells, and scuffling sounds of running feet; waltzes
+and polkas; wagons and mule-carts; donkeys and hurdy-gurdies; whistling
+waiters and small puppies, with a weak falsetto, infest the air, and
+make up a din that would addle the spirit of Pandemonium.
+</p>
+<p>
+Hour after hour had I to lie listening to these, taking out my wrath
+in curses upon Strauss and late suppers, and anathematizing the whole
+family of opera writers, who have unquestionably originated the bleating
+performances of every late bed-goer. Not a wretch toiled upstairs, at
+four in the morning, without yelling out "Casta Diva," or "Gib, mir
+wein." The half-tipsy ones were usually sentimental, and hiccuped the
+"Tu che al cielo," out of the "Lucia."
+</p>
+<p>
+To these succeeded the late sitters at the play-tables,&mdash;a race who,
+to their honor be it recorded, never sing. Gambling is a grave
+passion, and, whether a man win or lose, it takes all fun out of him. A
+deep-muttered malediction upon bad luck, a false oath to play no more, a
+hearty curse against Fortune were the only soliloquies of these the last
+votaries of Pleasure that now sought their beds as day was breaking.
+</p>
+<p>
+Have you ever stopped your ears, Tom, and looked at a room full of
+people dancing? The effect is very curious. What was so graceful but
+a moment back is now only grotesque. The plastic elegance of gesture
+becomes downright absurdity. She who tripped with such fairy-like
+lightness, or that other who floated with swan-like dignity, now seems
+to move without purpose, and, stranger still, without grace. It was
+the measure which gave the soul to the performance,&mdash;it was that mystic
+accord, like what binds mind to matter, that gave the wondrous charm
+to the whole; divested of this it was like motion without
+vitality,&mdash;abrupt, mechanical, convulsive. Exactly the same kind of
+effect is produced by witnessing fashionable amusements, with a spirit
+untuned to pleasure. You know nothing of their motives, nor incentives
+to enjoyment; you are not admitted to any participation in their plan or
+their object, and to your eyes it is all "dancing without music."
+</p>
+<p>
+I need not dwell on a tiresome theme, for such would be any description
+of my life at Ems. Of my lovely companion I saw but little. About
+midday her maid would bring me a few lines, written in pencil, with kind
+inquiries after me. Later on I could detect the silvery music of her
+voice, as she issued forth to her afternoon drive. Later again I could
+hear her, as she passed along the corridor to her room; and then,
+as night wore on, she would sometimes come to my door to say a few
+words,&mdash;very kind ones, and in her own softest manner, but of which I
+could recall nothing, so occupied was I with observing her in all the
+splendor of evening dress.
+</p>
+<p>
+When a bright object of this kind passes from your presence, there still
+lingers for a second or so a species of twilight, after which comes
+the black and starless night of deep despondency. Out of these dreamy
+delusive fits of low spirits I used to start with the sudden question,
+"What are you doing here, Kenny Dodd? Is it the father of a family ought
+to be living in this fashion? What tomfoolery is this? Is this kind of
+life instructive, intellectual, or even amusing? Is it respectable? I
+am not certain it is any one of the four. How long is it to continue, or
+where is it to end? Am I to go down to the grave under a false name, and
+are the Dodd family to put on mourning for Lord Harvey Bruce?"
+</p>
+<p>
+One night that these thoughts had carried me to a high pitch of
+excitement, I was walking hurriedly to and fro in my room inveighing
+against the absurd folly which originally had embarked me on this
+journey. Anger had so far mastered my reason that I began to doubt
+everything and everybody. I grew sceptical that there were such people
+in the world as Mr. Gore Hampton or Lord Harvey Bruce, and in my heart
+I utterly rejected the existence of the "Princess." Up to this moment
+I had contented myself with hating her, as the first cause of all my
+calamities, but now I denied her a reality and a being. I did n't
+at first perceive what would come of my thus disturbing a great
+foundation-stone, and how inevitably the whole edifice would come
+tumbling down about my ears in consequence.
+</p>
+<p>
+This terrible truth, however, now stared me in the face, and I sat down
+to consider it with a trembling spirit.
+</p>
+<p>
+"May I come in?" whispered a low but well-known voice,&mdash;"may I come in?"
+</p>
+<a name="image-0014"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/314.jpg" height="596" width="725"
+alt="314
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+My first thoughts were to affect sleep and not answer, but I saw that
+there was an eagerness in the manner that would not brook denial, and
+answered, "Who 's there?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"It is I, my dear friend," said Mrs. Gore Hampton, entering, and
+closing the door behind her. She came forward to where I was sitting
+despondingly on the side of the bed, and took a chair in front of me.
+</p>
+<p>
+"What's the matter; you are surely not ill in reality?" asked she,
+tenderly.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I believe I am," replied I. "They say in Ireland 'mocking is catching,'
+and, faith, I half suspect I 'm going to pay the price of my own
+deceitfulness."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Oh, no, no! you only say that to alarm me. You will be perfectly well
+when you leave this; the confinement disagrees with you."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I think it does," said I; "but when are we to go?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Immediately; to-night, if possible. I have just received a few lines
+from the dear Princess&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Oh, the Princess!" ejaculated I, with a faint groan.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Why, what do you mean?" asked she, eagerly.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Oh, nothing; go on."
+</p>
+<p>
+"But, first tell me, what made you sigh so when I spoke of the
+Princess?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"God knows," said I; "I believe my head was wandering."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Poor, dear head!" said she, patting me as if I was a small King
+Charles's spaniel, "it will be better in the fresh air. The Princess
+writes to say that we must meet her at Eisenach, since she finds herself
+too ill to come on here. She urges us to lose no time about it, because
+the Empress Sophia will be on a visit with her in a few days, which of
+course would interfere with our seeing her frequently. The letter should
+have been here yesterday, but she gave it to the Archduke Nicholas, and
+he only remembered it when he was walking with me this evening."
+</p>
+<p>
+These high and mighty names only made me sigh heartily, and she seemed
+at once to read all that was passing within me.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I see what it is," said she, with deep emotion; "you are growing weary
+of me. You are beginning to regret the noble chivalry, the generous
+devotion you had shown me. You are asking yourself, 'What am I to her?
+Why should she cling to me?' Cruel question&mdash;of a still more cruel
+answer! But go, sir, return to your family, and leave me if you will to
+those heartless courtiers who mete out their sympathies by a sovereign's
+smiles, and only bestow their pity when royalty commands it; and yet,
+before we part forever, let me here, on my bended knees, thank and
+bless&mdash;" I can't do it, Tom; I can't write it. I find I am blubbering
+away just as badly as when the scene occurred. Blue eyes half swimming
+in tears, silky-brown ringlets, and a voice broken by sobs, are
+shamefully unfair odds against an Irish gentleman on the shady side of
+fifty-two or three.
+</p>
+<p>
+It 's all very well for you&mdash;sitting quietly at your turf fire&mdash;with an
+old sleepy spaniel snoring on the hearth-rug, and nothing younger in the
+house than Mrs. Shea, your late wife's aunt&mdash;to talk about "My time of
+life"&mdash;"Grownup daughters"&mdash;and so on. "He scoffs at wounds who never
+felt a scar." The fact is, I 'm not a bit more susceptible than other
+people; I even think I am less yielding&mdash;less open to soft influences
+than many of my acquaintances. I can answer for it, I never found
+that the strongest persuasions of a tax-gatherer disposed me to
+look favorably on "county cess, or a rate-in-aid." Even the priest
+acknowledges me a tough subject on the score of Easter dues and
+offerings. If I know anything about my own nature, it is that I have
+rather a casuistic, hair-splitting kind of way with me,&mdash;the very
+reverse of your soft, submissive, easily seduced fellows. I was always
+known as the obstinate juryman at our assizes, that preferred starvation
+and a cart to a glib verdict like the others. I am not sure that anybody
+ever found it an easy task to convince me about anything,
+except, perhaps, Mrs. D., and then, Tom, it was not precisely
+"conviction,"&mdash;<i>that</i> was something else.
+</p>
+<p>
+I think I have now made out a sufficient defence of myself, and I'll not
+make the lawyer's blunder of proving too much. Give me the same latitude
+that is always conceded to great men when their actions will not square
+with their previous sentiments. Think of the Duke and Sir Robert, and be
+merciful to Kenny Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+We left Ems, like a thief, in the night; the robbery, however, was
+performed by the landlord, whose bill for five days amounted to upwards
+of twenty-seven pounds sterling. Whether Grégoire and Mademoiselle
+Virginie drank all the champagne set down in it I cannot say; but if
+so, they could never have been sober since their arrival. There are some
+other curious items, too, such as maraschino and eau de Dantzic, and a
+large assessment for "real Havannahs"! Who sipped and smoked the above
+is more than I know.
+</p>
+<p>
+With regard to out-of-door amusements, Mrs. G. must have ridden, at
+the least, four donkeys daily, not to speak of carriages, and a sort of
+sedan-chair for the evening.
+</p>
+<p>
+I assure you I left the place with a heart even lighter than my purse.
+I was failing into a very alarming kind of melancholy, and couldn't much
+longer have answered for my actions.
+</p>
+<p>
+If we loitered inactively at Ems, we certainly suffered no grass to
+grow under our feet now. Four horses on the level, six when the road was
+heavy or newly gravelled; bulls at all the hills.
+</p>
+<p>
+It's the truth I 'm telling you, Tom, for a light London britschka, the
+usual team on a rising ground was six horses and three oxen, with
+about two men per quadruped,&mdash;boys and beggars <i>ad libitum</i>, I laughed
+heartily at it, till it came to paying for them, after which it became
+one of the worst jokes you can imagine. Onward we went, however, in one
+fashion or another, walking to "blow the cattle" when the road was level
+and smooth, and keeping a very pretty hunting-pace when the ruts were
+deep, and the rocks rugged.
+</p>
+<p>
+It seemed, to judge from our speed, that our haste was most imminent,
+for we changed horses at every station with an attempt at despatch that
+greatly disconcerted the post functionaries, and probably suggested to
+them grievous doubts about our respectability. After twenty-four hours
+of this jolting process, I was, as you may suppose, well wearied,&mdash;the
+more so, since my late confinement to bed had made me weak and
+irritable. Mrs. G., however, seemed to think nothing of it, so that for
+very shame' sake I could not complain. There is either a greater fund of
+endurance about women than in men, or else they have a stronger and more
+impulsive will, overcoming all obstacles in its way, or regarding them
+as nothing. I assure you, Tom, I'd have pulled up short at any of the
+villages we passed through and booked myself for a ten-hours' sleep, in
+that horizontal position that nature intended, but she wouldn't hear of
+it. "We must get on, dear Mr. Dodd;" "<i>You</i> know how important time is
+to us;" "Do our best, and we shall be late enough." These and such like
+were the propositions which I had to assent to, without the very vaguest
+conception why.
+</p>
+<p>
+That night seemed to me as if it would never end. I never could close my
+eyes without dreaming of bailiffs, writs, judges' warrants, and Mrs. D.
+Then I got the notion into my head that I had been sentenced for some
+crime or other to everlasting travelling,&mdash;an impression, doubtless,
+suggested by my hearing through my sleep how we were constantly crossing
+some frontier, and entering a new territory. Now it was Hesse Cassel
+would pry into our portmanteaus; now it was Bavaria wanted to peep at
+our passports. Sigmaringen insisted on seeing that we had no concealed
+fire-arms. Hoch Heckingen searched us for smuggled tobacco. From a deep
+doze, which to my ineffable shame I discovered I had been taking on my
+fair companion's shoulder, I was suddenly awakened at daybreak by the
+roll of a drum, and the clatter of presenting arms. This was a place
+called Heinfeld, in the Duchy of Saxe-Weimar, where the commandant,
+supposing us to be royal personages, from our six horses and mounted
+courier, turned out the guard to salute us. I gave him briefly to
+understand that we were <i>incog.</i>, and we passed on without further
+molestation.
+</p>
+<p>
+By noon we reached Eisenach, where, descending at the "Rautenkranz," the
+head inn, I bolted my door, and, throwing myself on my bed, slept far
+into the night. When I awoke, the house was all at rest, every one had
+retired, and in this solitude did I begin the recital of the singular
+page in my history which is now before you. I felt like one of those
+storm-tossed mariners who, on some unknown and distant ocean, commit
+their sorrows to paper, and then enclosing it in a bottle, leave the
+address to Fortune. I know not if these lines are ever to reach you.
+I know not who may read them. Perhaps, like Perouse, my fate may be a
+mystery for future ages. I feel altogether very low about myself.
+</p>
+<p>
+I was obliged to break off suddenly above, but I am now better. We have
+been two days here, and I like the place greatly. It lies in the midst
+of a fine mountain range&mdash;the Thuringians&mdash;with a deep forest on every
+side. Up to this we have had no tidings of the Princess, but we pass
+our time agreeably enough in visiting the remarkable objects in the
+neighborhood, one of which is the Wartburg, where Luther passed a year
+of imprisonment.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have collected some curious materials about the life of this
+Protestant champion for Father Maher, which will make a considerable
+sensation at home. There is an armory, too, in the castle of the most
+interesting kind; but, as usual, all the remarkable warriors were little
+fellows. The robbers of antiquity were big, but the great characters
+of chivalry, I remark, were small. The Constable dc Bourbon's armor
+wouldn't fit Kenny Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+I intend to send off this package to-day, by a "gentleman of the Jewish
+persuasion," so he styles himself, who is travelling "in the interest of
+soft soap," and will be in England within a fortnight. Where I shall be
+myself, by that time, Tom, Heaven alone can tell!
+</p>
+<p>
+My cash is running very low. I don't think that, above my lawful debts
+in this place, I could muster twelve pounds, and, after a careful
+exploration of the locality, I see no spot at all likely to "advance
+money on good personal security." You must immediately remit me a
+hundred, or a hundred and fifty, for present emergencies. My humiliation
+will be terrible if I have to speak about pecuniary matters in a certain
+quarter; and, as I said before, how long we may remain here, or where
+proceed when we leave this, I know as much as you do!
+</p>
+<p>
+I have begun four letters to Mrs. D., but have not satisfied myself that
+I am on the right tack in any of them. Writing home when you have not
+heard from it, is like legislation for a distant colony without any clew
+to the state of public opinion. You may be trying rigorous measures with
+a people ripe for rebellion, or perhaps refusing some concession that
+they have just wrested by force. When I think of domestic matters, I am
+strongly reminded of the Caffre war, for somehow affairs never look so
+badly as when they seem to promise a peace; and, like Sandilla, Mrs. D.
+is great at an ambush.
+</p>
+<p>
+You must write to her, Tom; say that I am greatly distressed at not
+getting any answers to my letters; that I wrote four,&mdash;which is true,
+though I never sent off any of them. Make a plausible case for my
+absence out of the present materials, and speak alarmingly about my
+health, for she knows I have sold my policy of insurance at the Phoenix,
+and is really uneasy when I look ill.
+</p>
+<p>
+If I was n't in such a mess, I should be distressed about the family,
+for I left them at Bonn with a mere trifle. When a man has got an
+incurable malady, he spends little money on doctoring, and so there is
+nothing saves fretting so much as being irretrievably ruined. Besides,
+it is in the world as in the water, it is struggling that drowns you;
+lie quietly down on your back, don't stir hand or limb, and somebody
+will be sure to pull you out, though it may chance to be by the hair.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have often thought, Tom, that life is like the game of chess. It's a
+fine thing to have the "move," if you play well, but if you don't, take
+my word for it, it's better to stay quiet, and not budge. This will give
+you the key to my system; and if I ever get into public life, this, I
+assure you, shall be "Dodd's Parliamentary Guide."
+</p>
+<p>
+I have now done, and you 'll say it's time too; but let me tell you,
+Tom, that when I seal and send off this, I 'll feel myself very lonely
+and miserable. It was a comfort to me some days back to go every now and
+then and dot down a line or two-, it kept me from thinking, which was a
+great blessing. You know how Gibbon felt when he wrote the last sentence
+of his great history; and although the Rise and Fall of Kenny Dodd be a
+small matter to posterity, it has a great hold upon his own affections.
+</p>
+<p>
+I see my pony at the door, and Mrs. G. is already mounted. We are going
+to some old abbey in the forest, where she is to sketch, and I am to
+smoke for an hour or two; so good-bye, and remember that my escape from
+this must depend upon your assistance. This Princess has not yet
+made her appearance, nor have I the slightest guide as to her future
+intentions.
+</p>
+<p>
+There are a quantity of home questions I am anxious to speak about,
+but must defer the discussion till my next. I have not seen a newspaper
+since I started on this excursion. I know not who is "in" or "out." I
+shall learn all these things later on; so, once more, good-bye. Address
+me at the "Rue Garland," and believe me, faithfully, your friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+P. S. When you mention to the neighbors having heard from me, it would
+be as well to say nothing of this little adventure of mine. Say that the
+Dodds are all well, and enjoying themselves, or something like that. If
+Mrs. D. has written to old Molly, try and get hold of the epistle, or
+otherwise I might as well be in the "Hue and Cry." Indeed, I don't see
+why you could n't stop her letters at the post-office in Bruff.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0027"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XXIII. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH.
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    Cour de Bade, Baden-Baden.
+</h3>
+<p>
+My dear Molly,&mdash;It will be five weeks on Tuesday next since we saw K.
+I., and except a bit of a note, of which I 'll speak presently, never
+any tidings of him has reached us! I suppose, within the memory of
+man, wickedness equal to this has not been heard of. To go and disgrace
+himself, and, what's more, disgrace <i>us</i>, at his time of life, with two
+daughters grown up, and a son just going into the world, is a depth of
+baseness to which the mind cannot ascend.
+</p>
+<p>
+They 're away in Germany, my dear,&mdash;the happy pair! I wish I was near
+him. I 'd only ask to be for five minutes within reach of him. Faith, I
+don't think he 'd be so seductive and captivating for a little time to
+come. They 're off, I hear, to what they call the "Hearts Forest,"&mdash;a
+place, I take from the name, to be the favorite resort of loving
+couples. From the first day, Molly, I suspected what was coming; for,
+though James and Mary Anne persisted in saying that he was only gone
+for a day or two, I went to his drawers and saw that he had taken every
+stitch of his clothes that was good for anything away with him.
+</p>
+<p>
+"If he 's only gone for two days," says I, "what does he want with
+fourteen shirts and four embroidered fronts for dress, not to speak of
+his new black suit and his undress Deputy-Lieutenant's coat?" I tossed
+and tumbled over everything, and sure enough there was little left to
+look at. So you see, Molly, it was all planned before, and the whole was
+arranged with a cold-blooded duplicity that makes me boil to think over.
+This wasn't all, either; but he must go and draw a bill on the landlord
+for a hundred and twenty pounds; and, without the slightest attention to
+all that we owed in the hotel, or even leaving us a sixpence, away goes
+my gallant Lutherian, only thinking of love and pleasure!
+</p>
+<p>
+The half of the McCarthy legacy is gone already to meet these demands
+and enable us to come on here; and even with that I could n't have done
+it if it had n't been for Lord George's kindness, for he knows so much
+about bills, and bankers, and when the exchange is good, and what is
+the favorable moment to draw upon London, that, as he says himself, one
+learns at last to "make a pound go as far as five."
+</p>
+<p>
+As to staying any longer at Bonn, it was out of the question. The whole
+town was talking of K. I., and everybody used to stop us and ask, with a
+mournful voice, if we had n't got any tidings of Mr. Dodd?
+</p>
+<p>
+And now we're here, I must say it is a charming place; and for real
+life and enjoyment, there 's probably not its equal in Europe. And then,
+Molly, the great feature is certainly the universal kindness and charity
+that prevails. You may do what you like, wear what you like, go where
+you like. I was a little bit afraid at first that the story of K. I.
+would get abroad and damage us in society; but Lord George said:
+"You mistake Baden, my dear Mrs. Dodd. If there 's anything they 're
+peculiarly lenient to, it's just <i>that</i>. There's no cant, no hypocrisy
+here; nobody would endure such for an hour. Everybody knows that the
+world is not peopled with angels, and England is the only country where
+they affect that delusion. Here all are natural, sincere, and candid."
+These were his words, and I assure you they are no more than the
+truth; and so far from K. I. 's conduct being regarded in any spirit of
+unfairness towards us, I really believe that we have met a great deal of
+delicate and refined notice on account of it. As Lord G. remarks, "They
+know that you don't belong to that strait-laced set of humbugs that want
+to frown down all mankind. They see at once that you have the habits of
+the world, and the instincts of good society, and that you come amongst
+them neither to criticise nor censure, but to please and be pleased." I
+quote his very expressions, Molly, because, with all his wildness, his
+sentiments are invariably beautiful; and I must say that an ill-natured
+word never comes out of his mouth. If there 's anything he excels in,
+too, it's tact. This he showed very remarkably when we arrived here.
+"We must do the thing handsomely," said he, "or we shall be sure to
+hear that Mr. D.'s absence is owing to pecuniary difficulties." And so,
+accordingly, he arranged to purchase a beautiful pair of gray ponies,
+and a small park phaeton, belonging to a young Russian, that was just
+ruined at the tables. We got the whole equipage for little more
+than half what it cost, and a tiger&mdash;as they call the little boy in
+buttons&mdash;goes with it.
+</p>
+<p>
+We have taken the first apartment in the "Cour de Bade," and have put
+Paddy Byrne in a suit of green and gold, that always reminds me of poor
+Daniel O'Connell. Lord G. drives me out every day himself, and I hear
+all the passers-by say, "It's Tiverton and Mrs. Dodd," in a manner
+that shows we 're as well known as the first people in the place. He
+is acquainted with every man, woman, and child in the town; and it is a
+perpetual "How are ye, Tiverton?"&mdash;"How goes it, George?"&mdash;"At the old
+trade, eh?"&mdash;as we drive along, that amuses me greatly. And it isn't
+only that he knows them personally, but he is familiar with all their
+private histories. It would fill a book&mdash;and a nice volume it would
+be!&mdash;if I were to tell you one-half of the stories he told me yesterday,
+going down to Lichtenthal. But the names is so confusing. How he
+remembers them all, I can't conceive.
+</p>
+<p>
+We go to the rooms in the evening, full dressed, and as fine as you
+please; and if you saw how the company rises to meet us, and the
+gracious manner we are received by all the first people, you 'd think we
+were sisters with half the room. For rank, wealth, and beauty, I never
+saw its equal; and the "tone," as Lord G. observes, is "so easy." Mary
+Anne usually dances all night, but <i>I</i> only stand up for a quadrille,
+though Lord George torments me to polka with him. As for James, he never
+quits the roulette-table, which is a kind of game where you always win
+thirty-six times as much as you put down, though maybe occasionally you
+lose your stake, for it 's all chance, Molly, and, like everything else
+in this wicked world, in the hands of Fate!
+</p>
+<p>
+I 'm afraid James does n't understand the game, or forgets to take up
+his winnings; for when he joins us at supper, he looks depressed and
+careworn, till he has taken two or three glasses of champagne. Caroline,
+as you may suppose, stays moping at home. If there's anything distresses
+me more than another, it's the way that girl goes on. Here we are,
+in the very thick of the fashion, spending money,&mdash;as fast as
+hops,&mdash;ruining ourselves, I may say, with expense; and instead of taking
+the benefit of it while "it's going," she sits up in her room reading
+her eyes out of her head, and studying things that no woman need
+know. As I say to her, "What good is it to you? Will it ever get you a
+husband, to know that Sir Humphrey Clinker invented the safety-lamp?
+or do you suppose that any man will take a fancy to you for the sake
+of your chemistry and eccentricity? Besides," says I, "you could do all
+this at home, in Dodsborough, and who knows if we should n't be obliged
+to go back and finish our days in Ireland!" And in my heart and soul I
+believe it's what she 'd like!
+</p>
+<p>
+The real affliction in life is to see your children not take after you!
+That is the most dreadful calamity of all. You toil and you slave
+to bring them up with high notions, to teach them to look down upon
+whatever is low and mean, to avoid their poor relations, and whatever
+disgraces them, and you find, the whole time, 'tis looking back they
+are to their humble origin, and fancying that they were happier, for no
+other reason than because they were lower!
+</p>
+<p>
+It is, maybe, the McCarthy blood in me, but I feel as if the higher
+I went the lighter I grew; and so it is, I 'm sure, with Mary Anne.
+I know, from her face across the room, whether she's dancing with a
+"prince," or only "a gentleman from the United States"! And even in the
+matter of looks it makes the greatest difference in her. In the one
+case her eyes sparkle, her head is thrown back, her cheek glows with
+animation; while in the other she seems half asleep, dances out of time,
+and probably answers out of place.
+</p>
+<p>
+From all these facts, I gather, Molly, that there's nothing so elevating
+to the mind as moving in a rank above your own; and I'm sure I don't
+forgive myself when I keep company with my equals. I believe James has
+less of the Dodd and more of the M'Carthy in him than the girls. He
+takes to the aristocracy so naturally,&mdash;calls them by their names, and
+makes free with them in a way that is really beautiful; and they call
+him "Jim," or some of them say "Jeemes," just as familiar as himself.
+I suppose it's no use repining, but I often feel, Molly, that if it was
+the Lord's will that I was to be left a widow, I 'd see my children high
+in the world before long.
+</p>
+<p>
+This reminds me of K. I., and here's his letter for you. I copy it word
+for word, without note or comma:&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"Dear Jemi,&mdash;We are waiting here for the Princess, who has not yet
+arrived, but is expected to-day or to-morrow at furthest You will be
+sorry to hear that I was ill and confined for more than a week to my bed
+at Ems." Will I, indeed? "It was a kind of low fever." I read it a love
+fever, Molly, when I saw it first "But I am now much better." You never
+were worse in your life, you old hypocrite, thinks I. "And am able to
+take a little exercise on horseback.
+</p>
+<p>
+"The expense of this journey, unavoidable as it was! is very
+considerable, so that I reckon upon your practising the strictest
+economy during my absence." I thought I'd choke, Molly, when I seen
+this. Just think of the daring impudence of the man telling me that
+while he is lavishing hundreds on his vices and wickedness, the family
+is to starve to enable him to bear the expense. "The strictest economy
+during my absence." I wish I was near you when you wrote It!
+</p>
+<p>
+Then comes in some balderdash about the scenery, and the place they
+'re at, just as coolly described as if it was talking of Bruff or the
+neighborhood; the whole winding up with, "Mrs. G. H. desires me to
+convey her tender regards"&mdash;what she can spare, I suppose, without
+robbing him&mdash;"to you and the girls. No time for more, from yours
+sincerely,
+</p>
+<p>
+"Kenny James Dodd."
+</p>
+<p>
+There's an epistle for you! You 'll not find the like of it in the
+"Polite Letter-Writer," I 'll wager. The father of a family&mdash;and such a
+family too!&mdash;discoursing as easily about the height of iniquity as if he
+was alluding to the state of the weather, or the price of sheep at the
+last fair. He flatters himself, maybe, that this free-and-easy way is
+the best to bamboozle me, and that by seeming to make nothing of it, I
+'ll take the same view as himself. Is that all he knows of me yet? Did
+he ever succeed in deceiving me during the last seventeen years? Did n't
+I find him out in twenty things when he did n't know himself of his own
+depravity? I tell you in confidence, Molly, that if coming abroad is an
+elegant thing for our sex, it's downright ruin to men of K. I.'s time of
+life! When they come to fifty, or thereabouts, in Ireland, they settle
+down to something respectable, either on the Bench, or Guardians to the
+Union. Their thoughts runs upon green crops and draining, and how to
+raise a trifle, by way of loan, from the Board of Works. But not having
+these things, abroad, to engage them, they take to smartening themselves
+up with polished boots and blackened whiskers, and what between pinching
+here, and padding there, they get the notion that they 're just what
+they were thirty years ago! Oh dear! oh dear! sure they 've only to go
+upstairs a little quick, to stoop to pick up a handkerchief, or button a
+boot, to detect the mistake, and if that won't do, let them try a polka
+with a young lady just out for her first season!
+</p>
+<p>
+Of all the old fools, in this fashion, I never met a worse than K.
+I.! and what adds to the disgrace, he knows it himself, and he goes on
+saying, "Sure I 'm too old for this," or "I'm past that;" and I always
+chime in with, "Of course you are; you 'd cut a nice figure;" and so on.
+But what's the use of it, Molly? Their vanity and conceit sustains
+them against all the snubs in the world, and till they come down to a
+Bath-chair, they never believe that they can't dance a hornpipe! I could
+say a great deal more on this subject, but I must turn to other things.
+You must see Purcell and tell him the way we 're left, without a
+fraction of money, nor knowing where to get it Tell him that I wrote to
+Waters about a separation, which I would, only that K. I.'s affairs is
+in such a state, I 'd have to put up with a mere trifle. Say that I 'm
+going to expose him in the newspapers, and there's "no knowing where I
+'ll stop," for that's exactly the threat Tom Purcell will be frightened
+at.
+</p>
+<p>
+Get him to send me a remittance immediately, and describe our distress
+and destitution as touchingly as you can.
+</p>
+<p>
+Here 's more of it, Molly. James has just come in to say that the
+Ministry is out in England, and that the new Government is giving
+everything away to the Irish, and that old villain, K. I., not on the
+spot to ask for a place! James tells me it's the Brigade is to have the
+best things; but I don't remember if K. I. belongs to it, though I know
+he's in the Yeomanry. From Lord-Lieutenant down to the letter-carriers,
+they must be all Irish now, James says. We 're to have Ireland for
+ourselves, and as much of England as we can, for we 'll never rest till
+we get perfect equality, and I must say it 's time too!
+</p>
+<p>
+K. I. is n't fit for much, but maybe he might get something. The
+Treasury is where he 'd like to be, but I 'm not certain it would suit
+him. At all events, he 's not to the fore, and I don't think they 'll
+send to look for him, as they did for Sir Robert Peel! Till we know,
+however, whether he has a chance of anything, it would be better to keep
+his present conduct a profound secret, for James remarks "that they make
+a great fuss about character nowadays;" and it comes well from them,
+Molly, if the stories I hear be true!
+</p>
+<p>
+Ask Purcell what's vacant in K. I.'s line? which, you may say, goes from
+Lunatic Asylums to the Court of Chancery. I don't want James to have
+an Irish appointment, but he says there's something in Gambia&mdash;wherever
+that is&mdash;that he'd like.
+</p>
+<p>
+As, of course, K. I. and myself can never live together again, it would
+be very convenient if he was to get something that would require him to
+stay in Ireland,&mdash;either a suspensory magistrate or a place in Newgate
+would do. You 'll wonder at my troubling myself about a man that behaved
+as he did; and, indeed, I wonder at myself for it; and what I say is,
+maybe this might happen, maybe the other, and I 'd be sorry afterwards;
+and if he was to be taken away suddenly, I 'd like to be sure to have my
+mind easy, and in a happy frame.
+</p>
+<p>
+Isn't it dreadful to think that it's about these things my letter is
+filled, while all the enjoyment in life is going on about me? There's
+the band underneath my window playing the Railroad Polka, and the crowd
+round them is princesses and duchesses and countesses, all so elegantly
+dressed, and looking so sweet and amiable. Every minute the door opens,
+with an invitation for this or that, or maybe a nosegay of beautiful
+flowers that a prince with a wonderful name has sent to Mary Anne. And
+here 's a man with the most tempting jewelry from Vienna, and another
+with lace and artificial flowers; and all for nothing, Molly, or next to
+nothing,&mdash;if one had a trifle to spend on them. And so we might, too, if
+K. I. had n't behaved this way.
+</p>
+<p>
+There's to be a grand ball to-night at the Rooms, and Mary Anne is come
+to me about her dress; for one thing here is indispensable,&mdash;you must
+never appear twice in the same. For the life of me, I don't know what
+they do with the old gowns, but Mary Anne and myself has a stock already
+that would set up a moderate mantua-maker. As to shoes, and gloves too,
+a second night out of them is impossible, though Mary Anne tries to wear
+them at small tea-parties. Speaking of this, I must say that girl will
+be a treasure to the man that gets her; for she has so many ways of
+turning things to account: there 's not an old lace veil, nor a bit of
+net, nor even a flower, that she can't find use for, somewhere or other.
+As to Caroline, she looks like a poor governess; there's no taste nor
+style whatever about her; and as to a bit of ribbon round her throat,
+or a cheap brooch, she never wears one! I tell her every day, "You 're a
+Dodd, my dear,&mdash;a regular Dodd. You have no more of the M'Carthy in you
+than if you never saw me." And, indeed, she takes after the father in
+everything. She has a dry, sneering way about whatever is genteel or
+high-bred, and the same liking for anything low and common; but, after
+all, I 'm lucky to have Mary Anne and James what they are! There 's no
+position in life that they 're not equal to; and if I 'm not greatly
+mistaken, it's in the very highest rank they 'll settle down at last
+This opinion of mine, Molly, is the best and shortest answer I can
+give to what you ask me in your last letter,&mdash;"What's the use of going
+abroad?" But, indeed, your question&mdash;as Lord George remarked, when I
+told him of it&mdash;is, "What's the use of civilization? What's the use of
+clothes? What's the use of cooked victuals?" You'll say, perhaps, that
+you have all these in Ireland; and I'll tell you, just as flatly, You
+have not. You stare with surprise, but I repeat to you, You have not.
+</p>
+<p>
+An old iron shop in Pill Lane, with bits of brass, broken glass, and old
+crockery, is just as like Storr and Mortimer's as your Irish habits
+and ways are like the real world. Why, Molly, there's no breeding nor
+manners at all! You are all twice too familiar, or what you perhaps
+would call cordial, with each other; and yet you dare n't, for the life
+of you, say what every foreigner would say to a lady the first time he
+ever met her. That's your notion of good manners!
+</p>
+<p>
+As to your clothes, I get red as a turkey-cock with pure shame when I
+think of a Dublin bonnet, with a whole botanical garden over it; but,
+indeed, when one thinks of the dirty streets and the shocking climate,
+they forgive you for keeping all the finery for the head.
+</p>
+<p>
+The cookery I won't speak of. There's people can eat it, and much good
+may it do them; and my heart bleeds when I think of their sufferings.
+But maybe Ireland <i>is</i> coming round, after all. What I hear is, that
+when everybody is sold out, matters will begin to mend. I suppose it's
+just as if the whole country was taking what's called the "Benefit of
+the Act," and that they'll start fresh again in the world without owing
+sixpence. If that's the meaning of the Cumbered Estates, it's the best
+thing ever was done for Ireland, and I only wonder they did n't think
+of it earlier; for my sure and certain opinion is that there's nothing
+distresses a man like trying to pay off old debts; and it destroys the
+spirits besides, for ye 're always saying, "It was n't <i>me</i> that spent
+<i>this</i>, I had n't any fun for <i>that</i>."
+</p>
+<p>
+James has just come in with the list of the new Ministry, and among all
+the Irish appointments I don't see as good a name as K. I.'s; and you
+may fancy how respectable they are after that! But the truth is, Molly,
+it's the same with politics as with the potatoes: one is satisfied to
+put up with anything in a famine. K. I. used to say that when he was
+young, his Irish name would have excluded him as much from any chance
+of office as if he was a Red Indian; but times is changed now, and I
+see two or three in the list that their colleagues will never pronounce
+rightly,&mdash;and that, at least, is something gained.
+</p>
+<p>
+And just to think of it, Molly! Who knows, if K. I. wasn't disgracing
+himself this minute, that he would n't be high in the Administration? I
+remember the time when it was only Lord James this, or Sir Michael that,
+got anything; but now you may remark that it's maybe a fellow would rob
+the mail is a Lord of the Treasury, and one that would take fright at
+his own shadow is made Clerk of the Ordnance. That's a great "step in
+the right direction," Molly, and it shows, besides, that we 're daily
+living down obscene and antiquated prejudices.
+</p>
+<p>
+You like a long letter, you say, and I hope you 'll be satisfied with
+this, for I 'm four days over it; but, to be sure, half the time is
+spent crying over the barbarous treatment I 've met from K. I. That you
+may never know what it is to have a like grief, is the prayer of your
+affectionate friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+Jemima Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+P. S. Mary Anne sends her love and regards, and Cary, too, desires to
+be remembered to you. She is longing to have old Tib here, as if a black
+cat would be anything remarkable on the Continent But that 's the way
+with her. All the Dodsborough geese are swans in <i>her</i> estimation.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0028"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XXIV. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQUIRE, TRINITY COLLEGE,
+</h2>
+<center>
+DUBLIN.
+</center>
+<p>
+Baden-Baden.
+</p>
+<p>
+My dear Bob,&mdash;I copy the following paragraph from the "Galignani"
+of yesterday: "Considerable excitement has been caused amongst the
+fashionable visitors of Baden by the rumored elopement of the charming
+Mrs. G * * * H * * *. * * with an Irish gentleman of large fortune, and
+who, though considerably past the prime of life, is evidently not beyond
+the age of fascination. Our readers will appreciate the reserve with
+which we only allude to a report, the bare mention of which will
+doubtless give the deepest distress amongst a wide circle of our very
+highest aristocracy." Probably all your conic sections and spherical
+trigonometry learning would never enable you to read the riddle aright,
+and so I shall save you the profitless effort by saying that the
+delinquent so delicately indicated in the above is no other than the
+worthy governor himself. Ay, Bob, as the old song says,&mdash;
+</p>
+<pre>
+     "No age, no profession, nor station is free,
+     To sovereign beauty mankind bends the knee;"
+</pre>
+<p>
+and how should it be expected that Dodd père could resist the soft
+impeachment? To be as intelligible as the circumstances permit, I must
+ask of you to call to mind a certain very beautiful fellow-traveller
+of ours,&mdash;a Mrs. Gore Hampton. She is the Dido of this Æneid. Not
+that there is in reality any&mdash;even the remotest&mdash;shade of truth in the
+newspaper paragraph; the entire event being explicable upon far less
+romantic and less interesting grounds. Mrs. G. H. having desired the
+protection of my father's escort to some small town in Germany, and
+not wishing to excite the inevitable hostility of my mother to the
+arrangement, determined upon a night march, without beat of drum. In
+this way was the fortress evacuated; and when the garrison were mustered
+for duty, Dodd père was reported missing.
+</p>
+<p>
+Tiverton, who was in the secret throughout, explained everything to
+me, and I as readily imparted the explanation to the girls; but all our
+endeavors to convince my mother were totally fruitless. "She knew him of
+old,"&mdash;"she guessed many a day since what he was,"&mdash;"it was not now that
+she had to read his character,"&mdash;these and similar intimations, coupled
+with others even stronger and less flattering as regarded his time of
+life, manners, and personal advantages, were more than enough to drown
+all our arguments; and I must confess that she arranged the details of
+circumstantial evidence against him with a degree of art and dexterity
+that might have reflected credit on a Crown lawyer.
+</p>
+<p>
+Of course, the first three or four days after the event were not of the
+pleasantest; for, not satisfied with the sympathies of a home circle, my
+mother empanelled "special juries" of the waiters and chambermaids, and
+arraigned the unlucky governor on a series of charges extending to a
+period far beyond the "statute of limitations."
+</p>
+<p>
+Under these circumstances there was nothing for it but to leave this
+place at once, and establish our quarters in some new locality. Baden
+offered the most advisable sphere, whither we have come, if not to hide
+our sorrows, at least to console our griefs. I am perfectly convinced
+that if the governor came back to-morrow, and could only obtain a fair
+hearing, he could satisfactorily explain why he went, where he was, and
+everything else about his absence; but there lies the real difficulty,
+Bob. He will be condemned <i>per contumaciam</i>, if not actually hooted out
+of court with indignation. While this is undeniably true, you will be
+astonished to hear how thoroughly public sympathy would be with him,
+were he boldly to stand forth and tender his plea of "Guilty." I was
+slow to credit this when Tiverton told me so at first, but I now see
+it is perfect fact. Good society abroad exacts something in the way of
+qualification,&mdash;like what certain charitable institutions require at
+home,&mdash;you must have sinned before you can hope for admittance! It is
+not enough that you express profligate opinions,&mdash;speak disparagingly
+of whatever is right, and praise the wrong,&mdash;you are expected to give
+a proof, a good, palpable, unmistakable proof of your professions, and
+show yourself a man of your word. The oddest thing about all this is
+that these evidences are not demanded on any moral or immoral grounds,
+but simply as requirements of good breeding,&mdash;in other words, you have
+no right to mix in society where your purity of character may give
+offence; such pretension would be a downright impertinence.
+</p>
+<p>
+Hence you will perceive that if the governor only knew of it, he might
+take brevet rank as a scamp, and actually figure here as one of the
+"profligates of the season." Meanwhile, his absence is not without its
+inconveniences; and if he remain much longer away, I am sorely afraid,
+we shall be reduced to a paper currency, not "convertible" at will.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have myself been terribly unlucky at "the tables," have lost heavily,
+and am deeply in debt. Tiverton, however, tells me never to despair, and
+that when pushed to the wall a man can always retrieve himself by a rich
+marriage. I confess the remedy is not exactly to my taste,&mdash;but what
+remedy ever is? If it must be so, it must. There are just now some three
+or four great prizes in the wheel matrimonial here, of which I will
+speak more fully in my next; my object in the present being rather to
+tell you where we are, than to communicate the <i>res gesto</i> of
+</p>
+<p>
+Your ever attached friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+James Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+P. S. Don't think of reading for the Fellowship, I beg and entreat of
+you. If you will take to "monkery," do it among our own fellows, who
+at least enjoy lives of ease and indolence. Besides, it is a downright
+absurdity to suppose that any man ever rallies after four years of
+hard study and application. As Tiverton says, "You train too fine, and
+there's no work in you afterwards."
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0029"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XXV. KENNY DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    Eisenach, "The Rue Garland."
+</h3>
+<p>
+Mr dear Tom,&mdash;You may see by the address that I am still here, although
+in somewhat different circumstances from those in which I last wrote to
+you. No longer "mi lor," the occupant of the "grand suite of apartments
+with the balcony," flattered by beauty, and waited on with devotion. I
+am now alone; the humble tenant of a small sanded parlor, and but too
+happy to take a very unpretending place at my host's table. I seek
+out solitary spots for my daily walks,&mdash;I select the very cheapest
+"Canastre" for my lonely pipe,&mdash;and, in a word, I am undergoing a course
+of "the silent system," accompanied by thoughts of the past,
+present, and the future, gloomy as ever were inflicted by any code of
+penitentiary discipline.
+</p>
+<p>
+I know not if&mdash;seeing the bulk of this formidable despatch&mdash;you will
+have patience to read it: I have my doubts that you will employ somebody
+to "note the brief" for you, and only address yourself to the strong
+points of the case. Be this as it may, it is a relief to me to decant my
+sorrows even into my ink-bottle; and I come back at night with a sense
+of consolation that shows me that, no matter how lonely and desolate
+a man may be in the world, there is a great source of comfort in the
+sympathy he has for himself. This may sound like a bull, but it is not
+one, as I am quite ready to show. But my poor brains are not in order
+for metaphysics, and so, with your leave, I 'll just confine myself to
+narrative for the present, and keep all the philosophy of my argument
+for another occasion.
+</p>
+<p>
+Lest, however, you should only throw your eyes carelessly over these
+lines and not adventure far into the detail of my sorrows, I take this
+early opportunity of saying that I am living here on credit,&mdash;that I
+have n't five shillings left to me,&mdash;that my shoemaker lies in wait
+for me in the Juden-Gasse, and my washerwoman watches for me near the
+church. Schnaps, snuff, and cigars have encompassed me round about with
+small duns, and I live in a charmed circle of petty persecutions,
+that would drive a less good-tempered man half-crazy. Not that I am
+ungrateful to Providence for many blessings; I acknowledge heartily the
+great advantage I possess in knowing nothing whatever of the language,
+so that I am enabled to preserve my equanimity under what very probably
+may be the foulest abuse that ever was poured out upon insolvent
+humanity.
+</p>
+<p>
+My wardrobe is dwindled to the "shortest span." I have "taken out" my
+great-coat in Kirschwasser, and converted my spare small-clothes into
+cigars. My hat has gone to repair my shoes; and as my razors are pledged
+for pen, ink, and paper, I have grown a beard that would make the
+fortune of an Italian refugee, or of a missionary speaker at Exeter
+Hall!
+</p>
+<p>
+My host of the "Rue Garland" hasn't seen a piece of my money for the
+last fortnight; and now, for the first time since I came abroad, am I
+able to say that I find the Continent cheap to live in. Ay, Tom, take
+my word for it, the whole secret lies in this,&mdash;"Do with little, and pay
+for less," and you 'll find a great economy in coming abroad to live.
+But if you cannot cheat yourself as well as your creditors, take my
+advice and stay at home. These, however, are only spare reflections; and
+I'll now resume my story, taking up the thread of it where I left off in
+my last.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is really all like a dream to me, Tom; and many times I am unable to
+convince myself that it is not a dream, so strange and so novel are
+all the incidents that have of late befallen me, so unlike every
+former passage of my life, and so unsuited am I by nature, habit, and
+temperament for the curious series of adventures in which I have been
+involved.
+</p>
+<p>
+After all, I suppose it is downright balderdash to say that a man is not
+adapted for this, or suited to that. I remember people telling me that
+public life would n't do for me; that I was n't the kind of man for
+Parliament, and so on; but I see the folly of it all now. The truth
+is, Tom, that there is a faculty of accommodation in human nature, and
+wherever you are placed, under whatever circumstances situated, you
+'ll discover that your spirit, like your stomach, learns to digest
+everything; though I won't deny that it may now and then be at the cost
+of a heartburn in the one case as well as the other.
+</p>
+<p>
+When I wrote to you last, I was living a kind of pastoral life,&mdash;a
+species of Meliboeus, without sheep! If I remember aright, I left off
+when we were just setting out on an excursion into the forest,&mdash;one
+of those charming rides over the smooth sward, and under the trellised
+shadow of tall trees, now loitering pensively before some vista of the
+wood, now cantering along with merry laughter, as though with every
+bound we left some care behind never to overtake us. Ah, Tom, it's no
+use for me to argue and reason with myself; I always find that I come
+back to the same point, and that whatever touches my feelings, whatever
+makes my heart vibrate with pleasant emotion, whatever brings back to me
+the ardent, confiding, trustful tone of my young days, does me good, and
+that I'm a better man for it, even though "the situation," as you would
+call it, was rather equivocal. Don't mistake me, Tom Purcell, I don't
+want to go wrong; I have not the slightest inclination to break my neck.
+The height of my ambition is only to look over the precipice. Can't you
+understand that? Try and "realize" that to yourself, as the Yankees say,
+and you'll at once comprehend the whole charm and fascination of my late
+life here. I was always "looking over the precipice," always speculating
+upon the terrible perils of the drop, and always half hugging myself
+in my sense of security. Maybe this is metaphysics again; if it is, I'm
+sorry for it, but the German Diet must take the blame of it,&mdash;a course
+of sauerkraut would make any man flighty.
+</p>
+<p>
+Well, I 'll spare you all description of these "Forest days," at
+whatever cost to my own feelings; and it is not every man that would put
+that much constraint upon himself, for something tells me that the theme
+would make me "come out strong." That, what with my descriptive powers
+as regards scenery, and my acute analysis on the score of emotions, I
+'d astonish you, and you 'd be forced to exclaim, "Kenny is a very
+remarkable man. Faith! I never thought he had this in him." Nor did I
+know it myself, Tom Purcell; nor as much as suspect it. The fact is,
+my natural powers never had fair play. Mrs. D. kept me in a state of
+perpetual conflict. "Little wars," as the Duke used to say, "destroy
+a state;" and in the same way it's your small domesticities&mdash;to coin
+a word&mdash;that ruin a man's nature and fetter his genius. You think,
+perhaps, that I 'm employing an over-ambitious phrase, but I am not.
+Mrs. G. H. assured me that I actually did possess "genius," and I
+believe in my heart that she is the only one who ever really understood
+me.
+</p>
+<p>
+No man understood human nature better than Byron, and he says, in one of
+his letters, "that none of us ever do anything till a woman takes us
+in hand;" by which, of course, he means the developing of our better
+instincts,&mdash;the illustrating our latent capabilities, and so on; and
+that, let me observe to you, is exactly what our wives never do. With
+them, it is everlastingly some small question of domestic economy. They
+"take the vote on the supplies" every morning at breakfast, and they
+go to bed at night with thoughts of the "budget." The woman, therefore,
+referred to by the poet cannot be what we should call in Ireland "the
+woman that owns you." And here, again, my dear friend, is another
+illustration of my old theory,&mdash;how hard it is for a man to be good and
+great at the same time. Indeed, I am disposed to say that Nature never
+intended we should, but in all probability meant to typify, by the
+separation, the great manufacturing axiom,&mdash;"the division of labor."
+</p>
+<p>
+Be this as it may, Byron is right, and if there be an infinitesimal
+spark of the divine essence in your nature, your female friend will
+detect it with the same unerring accuracy that a French chemist hunts
+out the ten-thousandth part of a grain of arsenic in a case of poison.
+It would amaze you were I to tell you how markedly I perceived the
+changes going on in myself when under this influence. There was, so
+to say, a great revolution going on within me, that embraced all my
+previous thoughts and opinions on men, manners, and morals. I felt that
+hitherto I had been taking a kind of Dutch view of life from the mere
+level of surrounding objects, but that now I was elevated to a high and
+commanding position, from which I looked down with calm dignity. I must
+observe to you that Mrs. G. H. was not only in the highest fashionable
+circles of London, but that she was one who took a very active part in
+political life. This will doubtless surprise you, Tom, as it did myself,
+for we know really nothing in Ireland of the springs that set great
+events in motion. Little do we suspect the real influence women
+exercise,&mdash;the sway and control they practise over those who rule us.
+I wish you heard Mrs. G. H. talk, how she made Bustle do this, and
+persuaded Pumistone do the other. Foreign affairs are her forte, and,
+indeed, she owned to me that purely Home matters were too narrow and too
+local to interest her. What she likes is a great Russian question, with
+the Bosphorus and the Danubian Provinces, and the Hospodar of Wallachia
+to deal with; or Italy and the Austrians, with a skirmishing dash at
+the Pope and the King of Naples. She is a Whig, for she told me that
+the Tories were a set of rude barbarians, that never admitted female
+influence; and "the consequence is," says she, "they never know what
+is doing at foreign courts. Now <i>we</i> knew everything: there was
+the Princess Sleeboffsky, at St. Petersburg; and the Countess von
+Schwarmerey, at Berlin; and Madame de la Tour de Force, at Florence,
+all in our interest. There was not a single impertinent allusion made
+to England, in all the privacy of royal domestic life, that we hadn't it
+reported to us; and we knew, besides, all the little 'tendresses' of
+the different statesmen of the Continent, for, in our age, we bribe with
+Beauty, where formerly it was a matter of Bank-notes. The Tories, on
+the other hand, lived with their wives, which at once accounts for the
+narrowness of their views, and the limited range of their speculations."
+</p>
+<p>
+All this may read to you like a digression, my dear Tom, but it is not;
+for it enables me to exhibit to you some of those traits by which this
+fascinating creature charmed and engaged me. She opened so many new
+views of life to me,&mdash;explained so much of what was mystery to me
+before,&mdash;recounted so many amusing stories of great people,&mdash;gave me
+such passing glimpses of that wonderful world made up of kings and
+kaisers and ministers, who are, so to say, the great pieces of the
+chess-board, whereon we are but pawns,&mdash;that I actually felt as if I had
+been a child till I knew her.
+</p>
+<p>
+Another grand result of this kind of information is, that, as you
+extend your observation beyond the narrow sphere of home,&mdash;whether it
+be politically or domestically,&mdash;you learn at last to think so little
+of what you once regarded as your own immediate and material interests,
+that you have as many&mdash;maybe more&mdash;sympathies with the world at large
+than with those actually belonging to you. Such was the progress I made
+in this enlightenment, that I felt far more anxious about the Bosphorus
+than ever I did for Bruff, and would rather have seen the Austrians
+expelled from Lom-bardy than have turned out every "squatter" off my
+own estate at Dodsborough. And it is not only that one acquires grander
+notions this way, but there are a variety of consolations in the system.
+You grumble at the poor-rates, and I point to the population of
+Milan paying ten times as much to their tyrants. You exclaim against
+extermination, and I reply, "Look at Poland." You complain of the
+priests' exactions, and I say, "Be thankful that you haven't the Pope."
+</p>
+<p>
+Now, Tom, come back from all these speculations, and bring your thoughts
+to bear upon her that originated them, and don't wonder at me if I did
+n't know how the days were slipping past; nor could only give a mere
+passing, fugitive reflection to the fact that I have a wife and three
+children somewhere, not very abundantly furnished with the "sinews of
+war." I suppose, if we could only understand it, that we 'd discover our
+minds were like our bodies, and that we sometimes succumb to influences
+we could resist at other moments. Put your head out of the window at
+certain periods, and you are certain to catch a cold. I conclude that
+there are seasons the heart is just as susceptible.
+</p>
+<p>
+I cannot give you a stronger illustration of the strange delirium of my
+faculties than the fact that I actually forgot the Princess whom we came
+expressly to meet, and never once asked about her. It was some time
+in the sixth week of our sojourn that the thought shot through my
+brain,&mdash;"Was n't there a princess to be here?&mdash;did n't we expect to see
+her?" How Mrs. G. H. laughed when I asked her the question! She really
+could n't stop herself for ten minutes. "But I am right," cried I;
+"there really <i>was</i> a princess?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"To be sure you are, my dear Mr. Dodd," said she, wiping her eyes;
+"but you must have been living in a state of trance, or you would have
+remembered that the poor dear Duchess was obliged to accompany the
+Empress to Sicily, and that she could n't possibly count upon being here
+before the middle of September."
+</p>
+<p>
+"What month are we in now?" asked I, timidly.
+</p>
+<p>
+"July, of course!" said she, laughing.
+</p>
+<p>
+"June, July, August, September," said I, counting on my fingers; "that
+will be four months!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"What do you mean?" asked she.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I mean," said I, "it will be four months since I saw Mrs. D. and the
+family."
+</p>
+<p>
+She pressed her handkerchief to her face, and I thought I heard her sob;
+indeed I am certain I did. Nothing was further from my thoughts than to
+say a rude thing, or even an unfeeling one, and so I assured her over
+and over. I protested that it was the very first time since I came
+away that I ever as much as remembered one belonging to me; that it was
+impossible for a man to feel less the ties of family; that I looked upon
+myself&mdash;and, indeed, I hoped she also looked upon me in a way&mdash;in fact,
+regarded me in a light&mdash;I'm not exactly clear, Tom, what light I said;
+of course, you can imagine what I intended to say, if I did n't say it.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Is this really true?" said she, without uncovering her face, while she
+extended her other hand towards me.
+</p>
+<p>
+"True!" repeated I. "If it were not true, why am I here? Why have I
+left&mdash;" I just caught myself in time, Tom. I was nearly "in it" again,
+with an allusion to Mrs. D.; but I changed it, and said, "Why am I your
+slave,&mdash;why am I at your feet&mdash;" Just as I said that, suiting the action
+to the words, the door of the room was jerked violently open, and a tall
+man, with a tremendous bushy pair of whiskers, poked his head in.
+</p>
+<a name="image-0015"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/340.jpg" height="736" width="708"
+alt="340
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+"Oh, heavens!" cried she; "mined and undone!" and fled before I could
+see her; while the stranger, fastening the door behind him with the key,
+advanced towards me with an air at once so menacing and warlike that I
+seized the poker, an instrument about four feet six long, and stood on
+the defensive.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Mr. Kenny Dodd, I believe," said he, solemnly.
+</p>
+<p>
+"The same!" said I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"And not Lord Harvey Bruce, at least, on this occasion," said he, with a
+kind of sneer.
+</p>
+<p>
+"No," said I, "and who are you?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I am Lord Harvey Bruce, sir," was the answer.
+</p>
+<p>
+I don't think I said anything in reply; indeed, I am quite sure I did
+not say a syllable; but I must have made some expressive gesture, or
+suffered some exclamation to escape me, for he quickly rejoined,&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"Yes, sir, you have, indeed, reason to be thankful; for had it been my
+wretched, miserable, and injured friend instead, you would now be lying
+weltering in your blood."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Might I make bold to ask the name of the wretched, miserable, and
+injured gentleman to whom I was about to be so much indebted?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"The husband of your unhappy victim, sir," exclaimed he, and with such
+an energy of voice that I brandished the poker to show I was ready for
+him. "Yes, sir, Mr. Gore Hampton is now in this village,&mdash;to a mere
+accident you owe it that he is not in this hotel,&mdash;ay, in this very
+room."
+</p>
+<a name="image-0016"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/342.jpg" height="688" width="740"
+alt="342
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+And he gave a shudder at the words, as though the thoughts they
+suggested were enough to curdle a man's blood.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I'll tell you what, my Lord," said I, getting the table between us,
+to prevent any sudden attack on his part, "all your anger and
+high-down indignation are clean thrown away. There is no victim here at
+all,&mdash;there is no villain; and, so far as I am concerned, your friend
+is not either miserable or injured. The circumstances under which I
+accompanied that lady to this place are all easy of explanation, and
+such as require a very different acknowledgment from what you seem
+disposed to make for them."
+</p>
+<p>
+"If you think you are dealing with a schoolboy, sir, you are somewhat
+mistaken," broke he in. "I am a man of the world, and it will save us
+a deal of time, sir, if you will please to bear this plain fact in your
+memory."
+</p>
+<p>
+"You may be that, or anything else you like, my Lord," said I; "but I 'd
+have you to know that I am a man well respected in the world, the father
+of a grown-up family. There is no occasion for that heavy groan at all,
+my Lord; the case is not what you suspect. I came here purely out of
+friendship&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Come, come, sir, this is sheer trifling; or, it is worse,&mdash;it is
+outrageous insult. The man who elopes with a woman, passes under a false
+name, retires with her into one of the most remote and unvisited towns
+of Germany, is discovered&mdash;as I lately discovered you,&mdash;only insults the
+understanding of him who listens to such excuses. We have tracked you,
+sir,&mdash;it is but fair to tell you,&mdash;from the Rhine to this village. We
+are prepared, when the proper time comes, to bring a host of evidence
+against you. In all probability, a more scandalous case has not come
+before the public these last twenty years. Rest assured, then, that
+denial, no matter how well sustained, will avail you little; and when
+you have arrived at this palpable conviction, it will greatly facilitate
+our progress towards the termination of this unhappy business."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Well, my Lord, let us suppose, for argument's sake,&mdash;'without
+prejudice,' however, as the attorneys say,&mdash;that I see everything with
+your eyes, what is the nature of the termination you allude to?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"From a gentleman coming from your side of St George's Channel, the
+question is somewhat singular," observed he, with a sneer.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Oh, I perceive," said I; "your Lordship means a duel." He bowed, and I
+went on: "Very well; I'm quite ready, whenever and wherever you please;
+and if your friend should n't make the arrangement inconvenient, it
+would be a great honor to me to exchange a shot with your Lordship
+afterwards. I have no friend by me, it is true; but maybe the landlord
+would oblige me so far, and I 'm sure you 'll not refuse me a pistol."
+</p>
+<p>
+"As regards your polite attentions to myself, sir, I have but to say
+I accept them; at the same time, I fear you are paying me a French
+compliment. It is not a case for a formal exchange of shots; so long as
+Hampton lives, you can never leave the ground alive!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Then the best thing I can do is to shoot him," said I; and whether the
+speech was an unfeeling one, or the way I said it was bloodthirsty, but
+he certainly looked anything but easy in his mind.
+</p>
+<p>
+"The sooner we settle the affair the better, sir," said he, haughtily.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I think so, too, my Lord."
+</p>
+<p>
+"With whom can I, then, communicate on your part?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I 'll ask the landlord, and if he declines, I 'll try the little barber
+on the Platz."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I must say, sir, it is the first time in my life I find myself in such
+company. Have you no countryman of your acquaintance within a reasonable
+distance?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"If Lord George Tiverton were here&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"If he were, sir, he could not act for you,&mdash;he is the near relative of
+my friend."
+</p>
+<p>
+I thought of everybody I could remember; but what was the use of it? I
+couldn't reach any of them, and so I was obliged to own. He seemed to
+ponder over this for some time, and then said,&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"The matter requires some consideration, sir. When the unhappy result
+gets abroad in the world, it is necessary that nothing should attach to
+us as men of honor and gentlemen. Your friends will have the right to
+ask if you were properly seconded."
+</p>
+<p>
+"By the unhappy result, your Lordship delicately insinuates my death?"
+</p>
+<p>
+He gave a little sigh, adjusted his cravat, and smoothed down his
+moustaches at the glass over the chimney.
+</p>
+<p>
+"If it should occur as your Lordship surmises," said I, "it little
+matters who officiates on the occasion; indeed," added I, stroking my
+beard, "the barber mightn't be an inappropriate friend. But I 've been
+'out' on matters of this kind a few times, and somehow I never got
+grazed yet; and that's more than the man opposite me was able to say."
+</p>
+<p>
+"You 'll stand before a man to-morrow, sir, that can hit a Napoleon at
+twenty paces."
+</p>
+<p>
+Faith, Tom, I was nigh saying I wish he could find one for a mark about
+<i>me</i>; but I caught myself in time, and only observed,&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"He must be an elegant shot."
+</p>
+<p>
+"The best in the Blues, sir; but this is beside the question. The
+difficulty is, now, about your friend. There may be some retired officer
+here,&mdash;some one who has served; if you will institute inquiry, I'll wait
+upon you this evening, and conclude our arrangements."
+</p>
+<p>
+I promised I 'd do all in my power, and bowed him out of the room
+and downstairs with every civility, which, I am bound to say, he also
+returned, and we parted on excellent terms.
+</p>
+<p>
+Now, Tom, you 'll maybe think it strange of me, with a thing of the kind
+on hand, but so it was, the moment he was off, I went to look for Mrs.
+Gore Hampton.
+</p>
+<p>
+"The lady?" cried the waiter; "she started with extra-post half an hour
+ago."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Started!" exclaimed I,&mdash;"which way?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"On the high-road to Munich."
+</p>
+<p>
+"She left no letter,&mdash;no note for me?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"No, sir."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Poor thing,&mdash;overcome, I suppose. She was crying, wasn't she?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"No, sir, she looked very much as usual, but hurried, perhaps; for she
+nearly forgot the ham sandwiches she had ordered to be got ready for
+her."
+</p>
+<p>
+"The ham sandwiches!" exclaimed I, and they nearly choked me. "I 'm
+going to be shot for a woman that, in the very extremity of her ruin,
+has the heart to order ham sandwiches!" That was the reflection that
+arose to my mind, and can you fancy a more bitter one?
+</p>
+<p>
+"Are you sure," asked I, "the sandwiches weren't for Madame Virginie, or
+the little dog?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"They might, sir, but my Lady desired us to be sure and put plenty of
+mustard on them."
+</p>
+<p>
+This was the damning circumstance, Tom. She was fond of mustard,&mdash;I had
+often remarked it; and just see, now, on what a trivial thing a man's
+happiness can hang. For I own to you, so long as I was strong in what I
+fancied to be her good graces, I could have fought the whole regiment of
+Blues; but when I thought to myself, "She doesn't care a brass farthing
+for you, Kenny Dodd; she may be laughing at you this minute over the ham
+sandwiches,"&mdash;I felt like a drowning man that had nothing to grapple
+on. Talk of unhappy and injured men, indeed! Wasn't I in that category
+myself? Not even a husband's selfishness could dispute the palm of
+misery with <i>me!</i> In the matter of desertion we were both in the same
+boat, and for the life of me, I don't see what we could have to fight
+about. I never heard of two sailors rescued from shipwreck quarrelling
+as to who it was lost the vessel!
+</p>
+<p>
+"The best thing for us to do," thought I, "would be to try and console
+each other; and if he be a sensible, good-hearted fellow, he 'll maybe
+take the same view of it. I 'll ask him and my Lord to dinner; I'll make
+the landlord give us some of that wonderful old Stein berger that was
+bottled three hundred years ago; I 'll treat them to a regular Saxon
+dish of venison with capers washed down with Marcobrunner, and if we 're
+not brothers before morning, my name is n't Kenny Dodd."
+</p>
+<p>
+I was on "these hospitable thoughts intent," when Lord Harvey Bruce was
+again announced. He had found out an old sergeant-major of artillery,
+who for a consideration would undertake the duties of my second,&mdash;kindly
+adding that he and his family, a very large one, would also attend my
+obsequies.
+</p>
+<p>
+I interrupted his Lordship to remark that an event bad just occurred to
+modify the circumstances of the case, and mentioned Mrs. Gore Hampton's
+departure.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I really cannot perceive, sir," replied he, "that this in any way
+affects the matter in hand. Is my friend less injured&mdash;is his honor less
+tarnished because this unhappy woman has at last awoke to a sense of her
+degraded and pitiable condition?"
+</p>
+<p>
+I thought of the sandwiches, Tom, but could say nothing.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Are you less his greatest enemy on earth, sir?" cried he, passionately.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Now listen to me patiently, my Lord," said I. "I 'll be as brief as I
+can, for both our sakes. I don't value it one rush whether I go out with
+your friend or not. If you want a proof of what I say, step into the
+little garden here and I 'll give it to you. I 'm neither boasting nor
+bloodthirsty, when I say that I know how to stand at either end of a
+pistol; but there's nothing to fight about between us."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Oh, if you renew that line of argument," cried he, interrupting me, "It
+is totally impossible I can listen."
+</p>
+<p>
+"And why not?" said I. "Is it a greater satisfaction to your friend to
+believe himself injured and dishonored than to know that he is neither
+one nor the other?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Then why did you come away with her?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I can't tell," said I, for my head was quite confused with all the
+discussion.
+</p>
+<p>
+"And why call yourself by <i>my</i> name at Ems?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I cannot tell."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Nor what do you mean by the attitude in which I found you when I
+entered the room?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I can't tell that, either," cried I, driven to desperation by sheer
+embarrassment "It's no use asking me any more. I have been living for
+the last five or six weeks like one under a spell of enchantment. I can
+no more account for my actions than a patient in Swift's Hospital. I 'm
+afraid to commit my scattered thoughts to paper, lest they might convict
+me of insanity. I know and feel that I am a responsible being, but
+somehow my notions of right and wrong are so confused, I have learned to
+look on so many things differently from what I used, that I 'd cut a
+sorry figure under cross-examination on any matter of morality. There's
+the whole truth of it now. I 'd have kept it to myself if I could; I 'm
+heartily ashamed at owning to it&mdash;but I can't help it&mdash;it would come
+out. Therefore, don't bother me with, 'Why did you do this?' 'What made
+you do that?' for I can give you no reasons for anything."
+</p>
+<p>
+"By Jove! this is a very singular affair," said he, leaning over the
+back of a chair, and staring me steadfastly in the face. "Your age&mdash;your
+standing in society&mdash;your appearance generally, Mr. Dodd, would, I feel
+bound to say, rather&mdash;" Here he hesitated and faltered, as if the right
+word was not forthcoming; and so I continued for him,&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"Just so, my Lord; would rather refute than fix upon me such an
+imputation. I 'm not very like the kind of man that figures usually in
+these sort of cases."
+</p>
+<p>
+"As to <i>that</i>," said he, cautiously, "there is no saying. I am now only
+speaking my own private sentiments, the result of impressions made upon
+myself as an individual. Courts of Law take their own views of these
+things; and the House of Lords has also its own way of regarding them."
+</p>
+<p>
+The words threw me into a cold perspiration from head to foot, Tom!
+Courts of Law! and the House of Lords! was n't that a pretty prospect
+for an encumbered Irish gentleman? A shot, or even two, at twelve or
+fourteen paces, cannot be a very expensive thing, in a pecuniary point,
+to any man, and there 's an awkwardness in declining it if others are
+anxious to have it, so that you appear ungracious and disobliging. But
+Westminster Hall and St. Stephen's, Tom, is mighty different. I won't
+speak of the disgrace that attends such a proceeding at my time of life,
+nor the hue-and-cry that the Press sets up at you, and follows you with
+to your own hearth,&mdash;"the place from whence you came," and where now
+your wife waits for you&mdash;to perform the last sentence of the law. I
+won't allude to "Punch" and the "Illustrated News," that live upon
+you for three weeks; but I 'll just take the thing in its simplest
+form,&mdash;financially. Why, racing, railroads, contested elections, are
+nothing to it. You go to work exactly as Cobden says France and England
+do with their armaments: Chatham launches a seventy-four, and out comes
+Cherbourg with a line-of-battle ship,&mdash;"Injured Husband," secures Sir
+Fitzroy Kelly; "Heartless Seducer," sends his brief to Cock-burn. It's a
+game of brag from that moment; and there's as much scheming and plotting
+to get a hold of Frank Murphy as if he was the knave of spades! It
+matters little or nothing what the upshot of the case may be; you may
+sink the enemy, or be compelled to strike your own flag; it does n't
+signify, in the least; the damages of the action are fatal to you.
+</p>
+<p>
+Now, Tom, although I never speculated in all my life as to figuring in
+an affair like this, these considerations were often strongly impressed
+upon me by reading the newspapers, and I bad come to the conclusion that
+a man should never think of defending an action of this kind, no more
+than he would a petition against his election, and for the same reason.
+Since, although not actually guilty in the one case or the other, you
+are certain to have committed so many indiscretions,&mdash;written, maybe, so
+many ridiculous letters,&mdash;and, in fact, exposed yourself so much, that
+if you cannot keep out of sight altogether, the next best thing is, let
+the judgment go by default. I say this to show you that the moment
+my Lord threw out the hint about law I had made up my mind from that
+instant.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I sincerely wish," said he, after some deliberation, "that I could hit
+upon any mode of arranging this affair; for although I own you have made
+a strongly favorable impression upon me, 'Dodd,'"&mdash;he called me Dodd
+here, quite like an old friend,&mdash;"we cannot expect that Hampton could
+concur in this view. The fact is, the whole thing has got so much blazed
+abroad,&mdash;they are so well known in the fashionable world, both home and
+foreign,&mdash;she is so very handsome, so much admired, and he is such
+a charming fellow,&mdash;the case has created a kind of European <i>éclat</i>.
+Looking at the matter candidly, there may be a good deal in what you
+have said, but as a man of the world, I am forced to say that Hampton
+must shoot you, or sue for a divorce. I am well aware that whichever
+course he adopts many will condemn him. In the clubs there will be
+always parties. There may spring up even a kind of <i>juste milieu</i>,
+who will say, 'Now that poor Dodd is dead, I wonder if he really <i>was</i>
+guilty?'"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I protest I feel very grateful to them, my Lord," said I. But he paid
+no attention to my remark, and went on,&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"If vengeance be all that a man looks for, probably the law of the
+land will do as much for him as the law of honor. You ruin a fellow,
+irretrievably ruin him, by an action of this kind. You probably remember
+Sir Gaybrook Foster, that ran off with Lady Mudford? Well, he had a
+splendid estate, did n't owe a shilling, they said, before that; they
+tell me now that some one saw him the other day at Geelong, croupier
+to a small 'hell.' Then there was Lackington, whom we used to call the
+'Cool of the Evening.'"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I never knew one of them, my Lord," said I, impatiently, for I did n't
+care to hear all the illustrations of his theory.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Lackington was older than you are," continued he, "when he bolted with
+that city man's wife,&mdash;what's his confounded name?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I am shamefully ill-read, my Lord, in this kind of literature," said
+I, "nor has it the same interest for me that it seems to afford your
+Lordship. May I take the liberty of recalling your attention to the
+matter before us?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I am giving to it, sir," said he, gravely, "my best and most careful
+consideration. I am endeavoring, by the aid of such information as is
+before me, to weigh the difficulties that attach to either course,
+and to decide for that one which shall secure to my friend Hampton the
+largest share of the world's sympathy and approval. I have seen a
+great deal of life, and all that I know of it teaches the one
+lesson,&mdash;distrust, rather than yield to, first impressions. Awhile ago,
+when I entered this room, I would have said to Hampton, 'Shoot him like
+a dog, sir.' Now, I own to you, Dodd, this is not the counsel I should
+give him. Now, understand me well, I neither acquit nor condemn you;
+circumstances are far too strong against you for the one, and I have not
+the heart to do the other."
+</p>
+<p>
+"This talking is dry work, my Lord," said I. "Shall we have a glass of
+wine?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Willingly," said he, seating himself, and throwing his gloves into his
+hat, with the air of a man quite disposed to take his ease comfortably.
+</p>
+<p>
+Our host produced a flask of his inimitable Steinberger, and another
+of a native growth, to which he invited our attention, and left us to
+ourselves once more. We filled, touched our glasses, German fashion,
+drank, and resumed our converse.
+</p>
+<p>
+"If any man could have told me, twenty-four hours ago, that I should be
+sitting where I now find myself, and with <i>you</i> for my companion, I'd
+have told him to his face he was a calumniator and a scoundrel! This
+time yesterday, Dodd, I 'd have put a bullet through you, myself."
+</p>
+<p>
+"You don't say that, my Lord?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I do say, and repeat it, I believed you to be the greatest villain the
+universe contained. I thought you a monster of the foulest depravity."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Well, I 'm delighted to have undeceived you, my Lord."
+</p>
+<p>
+"You <i>have</i> undeceived me!&mdash;I own to it. I believe, if I know anything,
+it is human nature. I have not been a deep student in other things, but
+in the heart of man I have read deeply. I know your whole history
+in this affair as well as if I was present at the events. You never
+intended seduction here."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Nothing of the kind, my Lord,&mdash;never dreamed of it!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I know it; I know it. She got an influence over you,&mdash;she fascinated
+you,&mdash;she held you captive, Dodd. She mingled in your thoughts,&mdash;she
+became part of all your most secret cogitations. With that warm,
+impulsive nature of your country, you made no resistance,&mdash;you could
+make none. You fell into the net at once,&mdash;don't deny it I like you the
+better for it,&mdash;upon my life I do. Don't suppose that I 'm Archbishop of
+Canterbury or Dean of Durham, man."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I don't suspect, in the least," said I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I'm no humbug of that kind," said be, resolutely. "I'm a man of the
+world, that just takes life as he finds it, and neither fancies that
+human nature is one jot better or worse than it is. Hampton goes and
+marries a girl of sixteen; she is very beautiful and very rich. What of
+that? She leaves him&mdash;and what becomes of the wealth and beauty? She is
+ruined,&mdash;utterly ruined! He has his action at law, and gets swingeing
+damages, of course. What's the use of that? Will twenty thousand&mdash;will
+forty&mdash;would a hundred thousand pounds serve to compensate him for a
+lost position in life, and the affection of that charming creature? You
+know it would not, sir. Don't affect hesitation nor doubt about it You
+know it would not."
+</p>
+<p>
+"That was n't what I was thinking of at all, my Lord. I was only
+speculating on the mighty small chance your friend would have of the
+money."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Do you mean to say, sir, that the jury would n't give it?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Theory might, but Kenny Dodd wouldn't," said I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"The Queen's Bench, sir, or the Court of Exchequer, would take care
+of that. They 'd issue a 'Mandamus,'&mdash;the strongest weapon of our law;
+they'd sell to the last stick of your property; they'd take your wife's
+jewels,&mdash;the coat off your back&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"As to the jewels of Mrs. D.," says I, "and my own wardrobe, I 'm afraid
+they 'd not go far towards the liquidation."
+</p>
+<p>
+"They'd attach every acre of your estate."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Much good it would do them," said I. "We're in the Encumbered Court
+already."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Whatever your income may be derived from, they 're sure to discover
+it."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Faith!" said I, "I 'd be grateful to them for the information, for it's
+two months now since I beard from Tom Purcell, and I don't know where
+I'm to get a shilling!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"But what are damages, after all!" said he; "nothing, absolutely
+nothing!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Nothing indeed!" said I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"And look at the misery through which a man most wade ere be attain to
+them. A public trial, a rule to show cause, a motion,&mdash;three or four
+thousand gone for that. The case heard at Westminster Hall,&mdash;forty-seven
+witnesses brought over special from different parts of the Continent, at
+from two guineas to ten per diem, and travelling expenses,&mdash;what money
+could stand it; and see what it comes to: you ruin some poor devil
+without benefiting yourself. That 's the folly of it! Believe me,
+Dodd, the only people that get any enjoyment out of these cases are the
+lawyers!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I can believe it well, my Lord."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I know it,&mdash;I know it, sir," said he, fiercely. "I have already told
+you that I 'm no humbug. I don't want to pretend to any nonsense about
+virtue, and all that. I was once in my life&mdash;I was young, it is true&mdash;in
+the same predicament you now stand in. It won't do to speak of the
+parties, but I suspect our cases were very similar. The friend who
+acted for the husband happened to be one who knew all my family and
+connections. He came frankly to me, and said,&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"'Bruce, this affair will come to a trial,&mdash;the damages will be laid at
+ten thousand,&mdash;the costs will be about three more. Can you meet that?'
+</p>
+<p>
+"'No,' said I, 'I 'm a younger son,&mdash;I 've got my commission in the
+Guards, and eight thousand in the "Three-and-a-Half's" to live on, so
+that I can't.'
+</p>
+<p>
+"'What <i>can</i> you pay?' said he.
+</p>
+<p>
+"'I can stand two thousand,' said I, boldly.
+</p>
+<p>
+"'Say three,' said he,&mdash;'say three.'
+</p>
+<p>
+"And I said, 'Three be it,' and the affair was settled&mdash;an exposure
+escaped&mdash;a reputation rescued&mdash;and a clear saving of something like ten
+thousand pounds; and this just because we chanced both of us to be 'men
+of the world.' For look at the thing calmly; how should any of us have
+been bettered by a three days' publicity at Nisi Prius,&mdash;one's little
+tendernesses ridiculed by Thesiger, and their soft speeches slanged by
+Serjeant Wilkins. Turn it over in your mind how you may, and the same
+conclusion always meets you. The husband, it is true, gets less money;
+but then he has no obloquy. The wife escapes exposure; and the 'other
+party' is only mulct to one-fourth of his liability, and at the same
+time is exempt from all the ruffianism of the long robe! A vulgarly
+minded fellow might have said, 'What's the woman's reputation to <i>me?</i>
+I'll defend the action,&mdash;I'll prove this, that, and t'other. I'll engage
+the first counsel at the bar, and fight the battle out. I don't care a
+jot about being blackguarded before a jury, lampooned in the papers, and
+caricatured in the windows,' he might say; 'what signifies to <i>me</i> what
+character I hold before the world,&mdash;I have neither sons nor daughters
+to suffer from my disgrace.' I know that all these and similar reasons
+might prompt a man of a certain stamp to regret this course, and say,
+'Be it so. Let there be a trial!' But neither <i>you</i> nor <i>I</i> Dodd, could
+see the matter in this light. There is this peculiarity about a man
+of the world, that not alone he sees rightly, but he sees quickly; he
+judges passing events with a kind of instinctive appreciation of what
+will be the tone of society generally, and he says to himself, 'There
+are doubtless elements in this question that I would wish otherwise.
+I would, perhaps, say <i>this</i> is not exactly to my taste; I don't like
+<i>that</i>;' but whoever yet found that he broke his leg exactly in the
+right place? What man ever discovered that the toothache ever attacked
+the very tooth he wanted! I take it, Dodd, that you are a man who has
+seen a good deal of life; now did your heart ever bound with delight
+on seeing the outside of a bill of costs? or on hearing the well-known
+knock of a better known dun at your hall door? True philosophy consists
+in diminishing, so far as may be, the inevitable ills of life. Don't you
+agree with me?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"With the general proposition I do, my Lord; the question here is, how
+far the present case may be considered as coming within your theory.
+Suppose now, just for argument's sake, I was to observe that there
+was no similarity between our situations; that while <i>you</i> openly avow
+culpability, <i>I</i> as distinctly deny it."
+</p>
+<p>
+"You prefer to die innocent, Dodd?" said he, puffing his cigar coolly as
+he spoke.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I prefer, my Lord, to maintain the vantage ground that I feel under my
+feet. Had you been patient enough to hear me out, I could have explained
+to your perfect satisfaction how I came here, and why. I could have
+shown you a reason for everything that may possibly seem strange or
+mysterious&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"As, for instance, the assumption of a name and title that did not
+belong to you,&mdash;a fortnight's close seclusion to avoid discovery,&mdash;the
+sudden departure for Ems, and headlong haste of your journey here,&mdash;and,
+finally, the attitude of more than persuasive eloquence in which I
+myself saw you. Of course, to a man of an ingenious and inventive turn,
+all these things are capable of at least some approach to explanation.
+Lawyers do the thing every day,&mdash;some, with tears in their eyes, with
+very affecting appeals to Heaven, according to the sums marked on the
+outside of the briefs. If your case had been one of murder, I could have
+got you a very clever fellow who would have invoked divine vengeance on
+his own head in open court if he were not in heart and soul assured of
+your spotless innocence! But now please to bear in mind that we are not
+in Westminster Hall. We are here talking frankly and honestly, man to
+man,&mdash;sophistry and special pleading avail nothing; and here I candidly
+tell you, that, turn the matter how you will, the advice I have given
+is the only feasible and practicable mode of escaping from this
+difficulty."
+</p>
+<p>
+If you think me prolix, my dear Purcell, in narrating so
+circumstantially every part of this curious interview, just remember
+that I am naturally anxious to bring to bear upon <i>your</i> mind the force
+of argument to which <i>mine</i> at last yielded. It is very possible I may
+not be able to present these reasonings with all the strength and vigor
+with which they appealed to myself. I may&mdash;like a man who plays chess
+with himself&mdash;favor one side a little more than the other, or it is
+possible that I may seem weaker in my self-defence than I ought to have
+been. However you interpret my conduct on this trying occasion, give me
+the benefit of never having for a moment forgotten the fame and fortune
+of that lovely creature whose fate was in my hands, and whom I have
+rescued at a heavy price.
+</p>
+<p>
+I do not wish to impose upon you the wearisome task of reading all that
+passed between my Lord and myself. The whole correspondence would fill
+a blue book, and be about as amusing as such folios usually are. I 'll
+spare you, therefore, the steps of the negotiation, and merely give you
+the heads of the treaty:&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"Firstly, Mr. G. H., by reason and in virtue of certain compensations
+to be hereafter stated, binds himself to consider Mrs. G. H. in all
+respects as before her meeting K. I. D., regarding her with the same
+feelings of esteem, love, and affection as before that event, and
+treating her with the same 'distinguished consideration.'
+</p>
+<p>
+"Secondly, K. I. D., on his part, agrees to give acceptances for two
+thousand pounds sterling, with interest at the rate of five per cent
+per annum on same till the time of payment. The dates to be at the
+convenience of K. I. D., always provided that the entire payment be
+completed within the term of five years from the present day.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Thirdly, K. I. D. pledges his word of honor never to dispute or contest
+his liability to the above debt, by any unworthy subterfuge, such as 'no
+value,' 'intimidation used,' or any like artifice, legal or otherwise,
+but accepts these conditions in all the frankness of a gentleman."
+</p>
+<p>
+Here follow the signatures and seals of the high contracting parties,
+with those of a host of witnesses on both sides. Brief as the articles
+read, they occupied several days in the discussion of them, during which
+Hampton retired to a village in the neighborhood, it not being deemed
+"etiquette" for us to inhabit the same town until the terms of a treaty
+had laid down our respective positions. These were my Lord's ideas,
+and you can infer from them the punctilious character of the
+whole negotiation. Lord Harvey dined and supped with me every day,
+breakfasting at Schweinstock with his principal. I thought, indeed, when
+all was finally settled, between us, that G. H. and I might have met and
+dined together as friends; but my Lord negatived the notion strongly.
+"Come, come, Dodd, you must n't be too hard upon poor Gore; it is not
+generous." And although, Tom, I cannot see the force of the observation,
+I felt bound to yield to it, rather than appear in any invidious or
+unamiable light. I, consequently, never met him during his stay in the
+neighborhood.
+</p>
+<p>
+Lord Harvey left this, about ten days ago, for Dresden. We parted the
+very best of friends, for with all his zeal for G. H., I must say that
+he behaved handsomely to me throughout; and in the matter of the bills,
+he at once yielded to my making the first for £500, at nine months,
+though he assured me it would be a great convenience to his friend if I
+could have said "six." I should have quitted this to join the family on
+the same day; but when I came to pay the hotel bill, I found that the
+dinners and champagne during the week of diplomacy had not left me five
+dollars remaining, so that I have been detained by sheer necessity;
+and partly by my own will, and partly by my host's sense of caution, my
+daily life has been gradually despoiled of its little enjoyments, till
+I find myself in the narrow circumstances of which this letter makes
+mention at the opening.
+</p>
+<p>
+From beginning to end, it would be difficult to imagine a more unlucky
+incident; nor do I believe that any man ever got less for two thousand
+pounds since the world began. You cannot say a severe thing to me that I
+have not said to myself; you cannot appeal to my age and my habits with
+a more sneering insolence than I am daily in the habit of doing; your
+very bitterest vituperations would be mild in comparison to one of my
+own soliloquies, so that, as a matter of <i>surplusage,</i> spare me all
+abuse, and rather devote your loose ingenuities to assisting me out of
+my great embarrassments.
+</p>
+<p>
+I know well, that if we don't discover a gold-mine at Dodsborough, or
+fall upon a coal-shaft near Bruff, that I have no possible prospect to
+pay these bills; but as the first of them is nine months off, there
+is no such pressing emergency. The immediate necessity is, to send me
+enough to leave this place, and join Mrs. D. and the family. Write
+to me, therefore, at once, with a remittance, and mention where they
+are,&mdash;if still at Bonn, where I left them.
+</p>
+<p>
+You had also better write to Mrs. D.; in what strain, and to what
+purport, I must leave to your own ingenuity. As for myself, I know no
+more how to meet her, nor what mood to assume, than if I wore about to
+enter the cage of one of Van Amburgh's lions. Now I fancy that maybe a
+contrite, broken-hearted look would be best; and now I rather lean to
+the bold, courageous, overbearing tone! Heaven direct me to what is
+best, for I never felt myself so much in want of guidance!
+</p>
+<p>
+When you write to me, be brief; don't worry me with details of home, and
+inflict me with one of your national epistles about famine, and fever,
+and faction fights. I have no pity for anybody but myself just now, and
+I care no more for what's doing in Tipperary than if it was Canton. It
+will be time enough when I join the others to speculate upon whither
+we shall turn our steps, but my present thoughts tend to going back to
+Dodsborough. I wish from my soul that we had never left it, nor
+embarked in this infernal crusade after high society, education, and
+grandeur,&mdash;the vain pursuit of which leaves me to write myself, as I now
+do, your most miserable and melancholy friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+Kenny Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+P. S. I have a gold watch, made by Gaskin of Dublin about fifty years
+back; but it's so big and unwieldy that nobody would buy it, except for
+a town clock. The case of it alone would n't make a bad-sized covered
+dish, and I 'm sure the works are as strong as a French steam-engine;
+but what's the use of it all if I can't find a purchaser? I have already
+parted with my tortoiseshell snuff-box, that my grandmother swore
+belonged to Quintus Curtius; and the only family relic remaining to
+me is a bamboo sword-cane, the being possessed of which, if it became
+known, would subject me to three months' imprisonment in a fortress,
+with hard labor! If I were in Austria, the penalty is death; and maybe
+that same would be a mercy in my misfortunes.
+</p>
+<p>
+The only walk where I don't meet my duns is down by a canal,&mdash;a lonely
+path, with dwarf willows along it. I almost think I 'd have jumped in
+yesterday, if it was n't for the bull-frogs,&mdash;the noise they made drove
+me away from the place. Depend upon it, Tom, the Humane Society ought to
+get the breed for the Serpentine. It's only a most "determined suicide"
+could venture into their company! The chorus in "Robert le Diable" is a
+love ditty compared to them!
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0030"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XXVI. MRS. DODD TO MR. PURCELL, OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    BADEN-BADEN.
+</h3>
+<p>
+Dear Mr. Purcell,&mdash;Your letter is now before me, and if I did n't know
+the mark of your hand before, I 'd scarce believe the sentiments was
+yours. It well becomes you, one that but <i>one</i> woman would ever accept
+of, to lecture the likes of me on the way I ought to treat my husband. A
+stingy old creature that sits croaking over an extra sod of turf on the
+fire, and counts out the potatoes to the kitchen, is not exactly the
+kind of authority to dictate laws to the respectable head of a family!
+I often suspected the nature of the advice you gave K. I., but I did n't
+think you 'd have the hardihood to come out with it <i>yourself</i>, and to
+<i>me!</i> How much you must have forgotten both of us, it's mighty clear!
+</p>
+<p>
+Where did you get all the elegant expressions about K. I.'s "unavoidably
+prolonged absence," "the sacrifices exacted from friendship," "the
+generous ardor of a chivalrous nature," and the other fine balderdash
+you bestow upon your friend's disgraceful behavior? Do you know what you
+are talking about? Have you a notion about the affair at all? Answer me
+that. Are you aware that he is now two months and four days away without
+as much as a letter, except a bit of an impertinent note, once, to ask
+are we alive or dead, not a sixpence in cash, not a check, nor even a
+bill that we might try to get protested, or whatever they call it? I
+don't make any illusions to why he went, and what he went for. I would
+n't disgrace my pen with the subject, nor myself by noticing it; but,
+except yourself, in the brown wig and the black satin small clothes, I
+don't know one less suited to perform the "Lutherian." You are a nice
+pair, and I expect nothing less than to hear of yourself next! And
+you have the impudence to tell me that these are some of the "innocent
+freedoms of Continental life"! What do you know about them, I 'd beg to
+ask,&mdash;<i>you</i>, that never was nearer the Continent than Malahide? As to
+the innocent freedoms of the Continent, there's nobody can teach me
+anything; I see them before me in the day when I drive out, at the
+<i>table d'hôte</i> where I dine, and at every ball where they dance. Sweet
+innocence it is, indeed! and particularly when practised by the father
+of a grown-up family,&mdash;fifty-seven, he says, in June, but more likely
+sixty odd, for I know many of his co-trumperies, and nice young
+gentlemen they are too!
+</p>
+<p>
+You assure me that you sympathize sincerely with K. I. I 've no
+objection to that; he 'll need all the comfort it can give him when he
+comes home again, or I 'm much mistaken. With the help of the saints, I
+'ll teach him the differ between going off with a lady and living with
+his lawful wife. If he didn't know the distinction before, he shall now!
+And then you think to terrify me about the state of his health. It won't
+do, Mr. Tom Purcell. He 'll live to disgrace us this many a year. I
+know well what his constitution can bear, and what he calls the gout
+is neither more nor less than the outbreaks of his violent and furious
+temper! Never flatter yourself, therefore, that you can make any of us
+uneasy on that score; and if he comes back on a litter, it won't save
+him.
+</p>
+<p>
+Your "sincere regrets that we ever came abroad" are very elegantly
+expressed, and require all my acknowledgments. Is n't there anything
+else you are sorry for? Is n't it grief to you that we never caught the
+smallpox, or that James was n't transported for forgery? We ought to
+have stayed at Bruff; and, judging from the charms of your style, I have
+no doubt that we might have derived great benefit from your vicinity.
+</p>
+<p>
+You are eloquent, too, about expense; and add that you always believed
+that there was no economy in living abroad. Perhaps not, sir, if one
+unites foreign vices with home ones; but I beg to say, when we
+left Dodsborough, I, for one, never contemplated the cost of <i>two</i>
+establishments,&mdash;take that, Mr. Tom Purcell!
+</p>
+<p>
+I wonder at myself how I keep my temper, and condescend to argue with
+you about points on which an old bachelor, or widower (for it's the
+same), must necessarily be ignorant. Don't you perceive that for you to
+discourse on family matters is like a deaf man describing music?
+</p>
+<p>
+And you wind up about the privileges of old friendship, and so on! It's
+a new notion of friendship that makes a man impudent! Where did you ever
+hear that knowing people a long time was a reason for insulting them?
+As to your kind inquiries for the girls, I 'd have liked them as well if
+not coupled with those "natural fears" for the consequences of foreign
+contamination. Mary Anne and myself got a hearty laugh out of your
+terrors; and so I forgive your mention of them.
+</p>
+<p>
+James is quite well; and would, he says, be better, if that remittance
+you spoke of had arrived.
+</p>
+<p>
+You tell me that the McCarthy legacy is paid, and the money lodged at
+Latouche's. But what's the use of that? It's here I want it. Find out a
+safe hand, if you can, and send it over to me; for I 'm resolved to have
+nothing to do with bills as long as I live.
+</p>
+<p>
+And now I believe I have gone through the principal matters in your
+last, and I hope given you my ideas as clearly as your own. It may save
+you some time and stationery if I say that my mind is made up about
+K.I.; and if it was Queen Victoria was interceding for him, I'd not
+alter my sentiments. It's no use appealing "to the goodness of my heart,
+and the feminine sweetness of my nature;" all that you say on that head
+is only a warning to me not to let my weaknesses get the upper hand of
+me: a lesson I will endeavor to profit by, so long as I write myself,
+</p>
+<p>
+Your very obedient to command,
+</p>
+<p>
+Jemima Dodd.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0031"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XXVII. MRS. DODD TO MRS. MARY GALLAGHER, HOUSEKEEPER, DODSBOROUGH
+</h2>
+<p>
+Dear Molly,&mdash;I send you herewith a letter for Tom Pur-cell, which you
+'ll take care to deliver with your own hands. If you are by when he
+reads it, you 'll maybe perceive that it's not the "compliments of the
+season" I was sending him. He says he likes plain speaking, and I trust
+he is satisfied now.
+</p>
+<p>
+You are already aware of the barbarous manner K. I. has behaved. I 've
+told you how he deserted me and the family, and the disgrace that he has
+brought down upon us in the face of Europe; for I must observe to you,
+Molly, that whatever is talked of here goes flying over the whole world,
+and is the common talk of every Court on the Continent. I could fill
+chapters if I was to describe his wickedness and inhumanity. Well, my
+dear, what do you think! but in the face of all this Mr. Tom Purcell
+takes the opportunity to read me a long lecture on my "congenial"
+duties, and to instruct me in what manner I am to treat K. I. on his
+return.
+</p>
+<p>
+Considering what he knows of my character, Molly, I almost suspect that
+he might have spared himself this trouble. Did he, or did any one else,
+ever see me posed by a difficulty? When did any event take me unawares?
+Am I by nature one of those terrified creatures that get flurried
+by misfortune; or am I, by the blessing of Providence, gifted in a
+remarkable manner with great powers of judgment, matured by a deep
+knowledge of life, and a thorough acquaintance with the wickedness of
+the human heart? That's the whole question,&mdash;which am I? Is it after
+twenty-six years' studying his disposition and pondering over all his
+badness, that any one can come and teach me how to manage him? I know K.
+I. as I know my old slipper; and, indeed, one is worth about as much as
+the other! I have n't the patience&mdash;it would be too much to expect from
+any one&mdash;to tell you how beautifully Mister Tom discourses to me about
+the innocent freedoms of the Continent, and the harmless fragilities of
+female life abroad! Does the old sinner believe in his heart that black
+is white abroad? and would he have me think that what's murder in Bruff
+was only a justifiable hom'-a-side at Brussels? If he doesn't meau that,
+what does he mean? Maybe, to be sure, he 's one of the fashionable set
+that make out that the husband is always driven to some kind of vice or
+other by his wife's conduct! For, I must remark to you, Molly, there
+'s a set of people now in the world&mdash;they call themselves "The Peace
+Congress," I think&mdash;that say there must be no more wars, no fighting,
+domestically or nationally!
+</p>
+<p>
+Their notion is this: everybody is right, and nobody need quarrel
+with his neighbor, but settle any trifling disagreement by means of
+arbitration. Mister Tom is, perhaps, an arbitrator. Well, I hope he
+likes the office! Since I knew anything of life myself, I always found
+that if there was three people mixed up in a shindy there was no hope of
+settling it, on any terms.
+</p>
+<p>
+He says, K. I. is coming home. Let him come, says I. Let him surrender
+himself, Molly, and justice will take its course. That's all the
+satisfaction I 'll give either of them.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Don't be vindictive," says Mister Tom. Isn't that pretty language to
+use to me, I ask? Is the Chief Justice "vindictive," Molly, when he
+says, "Stand forward, and hear your sentence"? Is he behaving "unlike a
+Christian" when he says, "Use the little time that's left you in making
+your peace"?
+</p>
+<p>
+The old creature then goes on to quote Scripture to me, and talks about
+the prodigal son. "Very well," says I, "be it so. K. I. may be that if
+he likes, but I 'll not be the fatted calf,&mdash;that's all!" The fact is,
+Molly, I'm immutable as the Maids and Prussians. They may talk till they
+'re black in the face, but I 'll never forgive him!
+</p>
+<p>
+Would n't it be a nice example, I ask, to the girls, if I was to
+overlook K. I.'s conduct, and call it a "venal" offence? And this, too,
+when the eyes of all Europe is staring at us. "How will Mrs. D. take
+it?" says the Prince of this. "What will Mrs. D. say to him?" says the
+Duke of that "Does <i>she</i> know it yet?" asks the Archduke of Moravia.
+That's the way they go on from morning till night; so that, in fact,
+Molly,&mdash;as Lord George observes,&mdash;"he is less of a private culprit than
+a great public malefactor."
+</p>
+<p>
+There's the way I am forced to look on the case; and think more of the
+good of society than of my family feelings.
+</p>
+<p>
+Such are my sentiments, Molly, after giving to the case a most patient
+and careful consideration; and it's little good in Tom Purcell's trying
+to oppose and obstruct me.
+</p>
+<p>
+If it were not for this unhappy event, I must own to you, Molly, that we
+never enjoyed ourselves anywhere more than we do here. It's a scene of
+pleasure and gayety all day,&mdash;and, indeed, all nightlong; and nothing
+but the anticipation of K. I. 's return could damp the ardor of our
+happiness. However it's managed, I can't tell; but the most elegant
+balls and entertainments are given here free and for nothing! Who keep
+up the rooms, pays for the lighting, the servants, and the refreshments,
+is more than I can say. All I know is, that your humble servant never
+contributed a sixpence to one of them. Lord George says that the Grand
+Duke is never happy except when the place is crammed; and that he 'd
+spend his last shilling rather than not see people amuse themselves.
+And there's a Frenchman, too,&mdash;a Mr. Begasset, or Benasset, or something
+like that,&mdash;who is so wild about amusement that he goes to any expense
+about the place, and even keeps a pack of hounds for the public.
+</p>
+<p>
+Contrast this, my dear Molly, with one of our little miserable
+subscription balls at home, where Dan Cassidy, the dancing-master, is
+driving about the country, for maybe three weeks, in his old gig, before
+he can scrape together a matter of six or seven pounds, to pay for
+mutton lights, two fiddles, and a dulcimer; and, after all, it's
+perhaps over the Bridewell we 'd be dancing, and the shouts of the dirty
+creatures below would be coming up at every pause of the music. Now,
+here, it's like a royal palace,&mdash;elegant lustres, with two hundred
+wax-lights in each of them,&mdash;a floor like glass. Ask Mary Anne if it
+isn't as slippery! The dress of the company actually magnificent! none
+of your little shabby-colored muslins, or Limerick lace; none of your
+gauze petticoats, worn over glazed calico, to look like satin, but
+everything real, Molly,&mdash;the lace, the silk, the satin, the jewels, the
+gold trimmings, the feathers,&mdash;all the best of the kind, and fresh as
+they came out of the shop. You don't see the white satin shoes with the
+mark of a man's foot on them, nor the satin body with four fingers and
+a thumb on the back of it, as you would at a Patrick's Ball in Dublin!
+Everything is new for each night.
+</p>
+<p>
+How Mary Anne laughs at the Irish notions of dress, of what they call in
+the "Evening Post," "a beautiful lama petticoat over a white satin slip!"
+or "a train of elegant figured tabinet." Why, Molly darling, you might
+as well wear a mackintosh, or go out in a suit of glazed alpaca
+cloth. Mary Anne says that the ball at the Castle of Dublin is like a
+tournament, where all the company dance in armor; and, indeed, when
+I think of the rattling of bead bracelets, false pearls, and Berlin
+necklaces, it rather reminds me of a hornpipe in fetters!
+</p>
+<p>
+I must confess to you, Molly, there 's nothing as low anywhere as
+Dublin, and latterly, when anybody asks Mary Anne or me if it's
+pleasant, we always say with a strong English accent, "Our military
+friends say, vastly, but we really don't know ourselves." Is n't that a
+pretty pass to be reduced to? But I 'm told that all the Irish, of any
+distinction, are obliged to do the same, and never confess to have seen
+more of Ireland than one does from the Welsh mountains. It's no want of
+patriotism makes me say this. I wish, with all my heart, that Ireland
+was a perfect paradise; and it's no fault of mine that Providence
+intended otherwise.
+</p>
+<p>
+If I was n't writing with my head so full of Tom Purcell and his late
+impudence, I 'd have plenty to tell you about the girls and James. Mary
+Anne is more admired than any girl here, and so would Cary, if she 'd
+only let herself be so; but she has got a short, snubby, tart kind of
+way with people, that never goes down abroad, where, as Lord G. says,
+"every cat plays with his claws covered."
+</p>
+<p>
+And as to Lord George himself, I wonder is it Mary Anne or Cary that
+he's after. I watch him day by day, and can make nothing of it; but sure
+and certain it is he means one of the two, and that is the reason why he
+left this suddenly the other morning for England, and saying,&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"There 's no use letter-writing; I'll just dash over and have a talk
+with my governor."
+</p>
+<p>
+I would n't ask him about what, but I saw the way the girls looked down
+when he spoke, and that was enough to show me in what quarter the wind
+was blowing.
+</p>
+<p>
+I wish from my heart and soul the proposal would come before K. I. came
+back. I 'd like to have to show the superior way I have always managed
+the family affairs; for I need n't tell you, Molly, that <i>he</i> never had
+an eye to the peerage for one of his daughters! but if he returns before
+it's settled, he 'll say that he had his share in it all! As to James,
+he is everything that a fond and doting mother could wish. Six feet two
+and a half,&mdash;he grew the half since he came here,&mdash;with dark eyes, and a
+pair of whiskers and moustaches that there's not the like here, dressed
+in the very top of the fashion, with opal and diamond studs to his shirt
+and waistcoat, and a black velvet paletot with turquoise buttons for
+evening wear. The whole room turns to look at him wherever he goes, for
+he walks along just for all the world as if he owned the place. You may
+suppose, my dear Molly, how little he resembles K. I.; and, indeed, I
+have heard many make the same remark when we were at Bonn.
+</p>
+<p>
+I made Mary Anne write me down a list of the great people here who have
+all called on us; but what 's the use of sending it, after all? You
+could n't pronounce them if they were before you! I send you, however, a
+bit I cut out of "Galignani's Messenger," where you 'll see that we are
+put down amongst the distinguished visitors as "Madame M'Carthy Dodd,
+family and suite!" James still thinks if K. I. would call himself
+"The O'Dodd," it would serve us greatly; and Mary Anne agrees with the
+opinion; and perhaps now, when he comes back under a cloud, as one may
+say, it may not be so difficult to make him give in. As James remarks,
+"Print it on your card, call out and shoot the first fellow that
+addresses you as Mr.&mdash;make it no laughing matter for anybody, before
+your face at least,&mdash;and the thing is done." Maybe we 'll live to see
+this yet, Molly, but I fear it won't be till Providence sends for K. I.
+</p>
+<p>
+I spoke rather sharply to Waters in my last; and I find now that the
+legacy is paid into Latouche's. Will you remind Purcell that to be of
+any use to me the money ought to be here? As to the Loan Fund, I wonder
+how you have the face to ask me for anything, knowing the way I 'm in
+for ready cash, and that I 'd rather borrow than lend any day. Tell
+Peter Belton, also, that I stop my subscription after this year to the
+Dispensary; and I am quite sure the old system of physic is nothing but
+legalized poisoning. Looking to the facilities of the country, and the
+natural habits of the people, I 'm convinced, Molly, that the water-cure
+is what you want in Ireland; and I 've half a mind to write a letter to
+one of the papers about it. Cheapness is the first requisite in a poor
+country; and any one can vouch for it, water is n't a dear commodity
+with you.
+</p>
+<p>
+Father Maher's remarks upon poor Jones M'Carthy is, I must say, very
+unfeeling; and I don't coincide with the conclusions he draws from them;
+for if he was half as bad as he says, masses will do him little good;
+and for a few thousand years, more or less, I can't afford to pay
+fifty pounds! Ask him, besides, is it reasonable that when the price of
+everything is falling, with Free-trade, that the old tariff of Purgatory
+is to be kept up still? That would be downright absurd! Priests, my dear
+Molly, must lower their rates, as the Protectionists do their rents:
+that's "one of the demands of the age, and can't be resisted." As
+Lord George says, "The Church, like the railroad people, fell into the
+mistake of lavish expenditure! Purgatory was like a station, and ought
+never to be made too costly. No one wants to live there: the most one
+requires is to be decently comfortable, till you can 'go on.' What's the
+use of fine furniture, elegant chairs and carpets? they 're clean thrown
+away in such a place." If Father Maher thinks that the remarks are not
+uttered in a respectful spirit, tell him he's wrong; for Lord G. and
+all his family are great Whigs, and intend to do more mischief to the
+Established Church than any party that ever was in power; and I
+must say, I never heard Father Maher abuse Protestants, bigotry, and
+intolerance more bitterly than Lord G. It is so seldom that one ever
+hears really liberal sentiments, or anything like justice to Ireland,
+I could listen to him for hours when he begins. If I 'm right in my
+conjecture about the object of his journey to London, it will be the
+making of James; since, once that we are connected with the aristocracy,
+Molly, there's nothing we cannot have; for, you see, the way is this:
+if you belong to the middle classes, they expect that you ought to have
+some kind of fitness for the occupation you look for; and they say,
+"This would n't suit you at all;" "That's not your line, in the least;"
+but when you are one of the "higher orders," there's, so to say, a
+general adaptiveness about you, and you can do anything they put before
+you, from ranging Windsor Forest to keeping a lighthouse! When one
+reflects upon that, it's no wonder that one of our great poets says,
+"Oh, bless," or "preserve"&mdash;I forget which&mdash;"our old nobility!"
+</p>
+<p>
+Go into any of the great public offices&mdash;the Foreign or the Colonial,
+for instance&mdash;and they tell me that such a set of incapable-looking
+creatures never was seen, with spy-glasses stuck in their eyes,
+airing themselves before a big fire, and reading the "Times;" and yet,
+Molly,&mdash;confess it we must,&mdash;the work is done somehow and by somebody.
+It reminds me of a paper-mill I once saw; and no matter how dirty and
+squalid the rags that went in, they came out "Beautiful fine wove," or
+"Bath extra."
+</p>
+<p>
+As to the questions in your last, I can't answer a tithe of them. You go
+on, letter after letter, with the same tiresome demand,&mdash;"Are we as much
+in love with the Continent as we were? Is it so cheap? Is the climate as
+fine as they say? Is there never any rain or wind at all? Is everybody
+polite and agreeable? Is there no such thing as backbiting or
+slandering? Are all the men handsome and brave, and all the women
+beautiful and virtuous?" This is but a specimen taken at random out
+of your late inquiries; and I 'd like to know that if even you gave me
+"notice of a question," as they do in the House, how could I satisfy
+you on these points? The most I can do is to say that there may be some
+slight exaggeration in one or two of these,&mdash;the rain, for instance, and
+the virtue,&mdash;but that, generally speaking, the rest is all true. I
+can be more explicit in regard to what you ask in your last
+postscript,&mdash;"After living so long abroad, can we ever come back to
+reside in Ireland?" Never, Molly, never! I make neither reserve nor
+qualification in my answer. <i>That</i> would be clearly impossible! for it's
+not only that Ireland would be insupportable to us, but, as Mary Anne
+remarks, "we would be insupportable to the Irish." Our walk, our dress,
+our looks, our accent, our manner with men, and our way with women;
+the homage we 're used to; the respect we feel our due; the topics
+we discuss with freedom, and the range of our views generally over
+life,&mdash;would shock the whole population from Cape Clear to the Causeway.
+</p>
+<p>
+It's not easy for me to explain it to you, Molly; but, somehow,
+everything abroad is different from at home. Not only the things you
+talk of, but the way you talk of them, is quite distinct; and the whole
+world of men, morals, and manners have quite another standard! It is
+the same with one's thoughts as with their diet; half the things we like
+best are only what is called acquired tastes. Trouble enough we often
+have to learn them; but when once we do so, who'd be fool enough to go
+back upon his old ignorance again? High society and genteel manners,
+Molly, however you may like them when you are used to them, are just
+like London porter,&mdash;mighty bitter when you first taste it. I know there
+are plenty of people will tell you the contrary, and that they took
+to it naturally like mother's milk; but don't believe them, it's quite
+impossible it could be true.
+</p>
+<p>
+Once for all, I beg to tell you that there's no earthly use in
+tormenting and teasing us about the state the house is in at
+Dodsborough; how the roof is broken here, and the walls given way there.
+I trust sincerely that it may soon become perfectly uninhabitable, for I
+never wish to see it again! I often think it would n't be a bad plan for
+K. I. to go back and reside there. I 'm sure if he collected his rents
+himself, instead of leaving all to Tom Purcell, it would be "telling
+him something." You say that the country is getting disturbed again, and
+that they're likely to have a "sharp winter for the landlords;" but
+if it was the will of Providence anything should happen, I hope I have
+Christian feelings to support me! Indeed, I'm well used to trials now!
+It's a mistake, besides, Molly, to suppose that these&mdash;I hate to call
+them "outrages," as the newspapers do&mdash;these little outbreaks of the
+boys have any deep root in the country. The Orangemen, I know, would
+make them out as a regular system, and say that it's an organized
+society for murder; but it's no such thing. Father Maher himself told
+me that he spoke against it from the altar, and said: "What a pass the
+country has come to," says he, "that the poor laboring hard-working man
+has no justice to right him, except his own stout heart and strong
+arm!" What could he say more than that, Molly? But even these beautiful
+expressions did n't save him from the "Evening Mail"!
+</p>
+<p>
+The English are always boasting about their bravery and their courage,
+and so on; and when any one says, "Why don't you buy property in
+Ireland?" the answer is, "We 're afraid." I have heard it myself,
+Molly, with my own ears. But their ignorance is even worse than their
+cowardness, for if they only knew the people, they 'd see there was
+nothing to be frightened at. Sure, I remember myself, when we lived
+at Cloughmanus, Sam Gill came up to the house one morning, to say that
+there was two men come from below Lahinch to shoot K. I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"They have the passwords," says he, "and all the tokens, and though I
+'m, your honor's man, I was obliged to take them into my house and feed
+them."
+</p>
+<p>
+"It's a bad business, Sam," says he. "What are they to get for it?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Five pound between them, sir,&mdash;if it's done complete."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Would they take three," says K. I., "and let me live?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I don't know, sir; but, if you like, I'll ask them."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I would like it, indeed," says K. I.
+</p>
+<p>
+And down went Sam to the gate-house, and spoke to them. They were both
+decent, reasonable men, and agreed at once to the offer. The money was
+paid, and the two came up and ate a hearty breakfast at the house, and
+K. I. walked more than a mile of the road with them afterwards,&mdash;talking
+about the crops and the state of the country down westward,&mdash;and shook
+hands with them cordially at parting.
+</p>
+<p>
+Now, Molly, this is as true as the Bible, and yet there's people and
+there's newspapers call the Irish "Irreclaimable savages." It is as big
+a lie as ever was written! The real truth is, they don't know how,
+if they really wished, to reclaim them! And after all, how little
+reclaiming they need! To hear English people discuss Ireland, you 'd
+suppose that it was the worst part of Arabia Felix they were describing.
+But I have n't patience to go on; I fly out the moment I hear them, and
+faith they 're not proud of themselves when I 'm done.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I wish you were in the House, Mrs. Dodd," says one of them to me the
+other night.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I wish I was," says I; "if I would n't make it too hot for Slowbuck, my
+name isn't Jemima! for he's the one that abuses us most of all!" Well,
+I must say, we are well repaid for all the cruel treatment we receive at
+home, by the kindness and "consideration," as they call it, we meet with
+abroad! The minute a foreigner hears we 're Irish, he says, "Oh dear,
+how sorry we are for your sufferings; we never cease deploring your hard
+lot;" and to be sure, Molly, "wicked Old England," and the "Harlequin
+Flag," as Dan called it, come in for their share of abuse. Besides these
+advantages, I must remark that Catholics is greatly thought of on the
+Continent; for it is n't as in Ireland, where 's it's only the common
+people to mass. Here you may see royalty at their devotions. They sit in
+little galleries with glass windows, which they open every now and then,
+to take part in the prayers; and indeed, whatever rank and fashion is in
+the place, you 're sure to see it "at church;" mind, Molly, at church,
+for no educated Catholic even says "at mass."
+</p>
+<p>
+You want to hear "all about the converts to our holy faith," you say,
+but this is n't the place to get you the best information; but as I hope
+we 'll pass the winter in Italy, I 'll maybe be able to give you some
+account of them.
+</p>
+<p>
+Lord George tells me that the Pope makes Rome delightful to strangers;
+but whether it's "dinners" or "receptions," I don't know. At any rate, I
+conclude he doesn't give "balls."
+</p>
+<p>
+What a fuss they're making all over the world about these "rapparees,"
+or refugees, or whatever they call them. My notion is, Molly, that we
+who harbor them have the worst of the bargain; and as to our fighting
+for them, it would be almost as sensible as to take up arms in defence
+of a flea that got into your bed! Considering how plenty blackguards
+are at home, I think it's nothing but greediness in us to want to take
+Russian and Austrian ones! We have our own villains; and any one of
+moderate desires might be satisfied with them! These are Lord G.'s
+sentiments, but I 'm sure you like to hear the opinions of the
+aristocracy on all matters.
+</p>
+<p>
+What you say about Bony's marriage was the very thought that occurred to
+myself, and it was just the turn of a pin whether Mary Anne was n't at
+this moment Empress of France! Well, who knows what's coming, Molly!
+There's many a one, now in a private station, and mighty hard up for
+means, that will maybe turn out a King or a Grand-Duke before long. At
+any rate, no elevation to rank or dignity will ever make me forget my
+old friends, and yourself, the first of them. And with this, I subscribe
+myself,
+</p>
+<p>
+Yours ever affectionately,
+</p>
+<p>
+Jemima Dodd McCarthy.
+</p>
+<p>
+P. S. I 'll make one of the girls write to you next week, for I know I
+'ll be so much overcome by my feelings when K. I. arrives, that I 'll be
+quite incapable to take up my pen.
+</p>
+<p>
+I sometimes think that I 'll take to my bed, and be "given over."
+against the day of his coming; for you see there 's nothing gives such
+solemnity and weight to one's reproaches as their being last words. You
+can say such bitter things, Molly, when you are supposed to be too weak
+to bear a reply. But I 've done this once or twice before, and K. I. is
+a hardened creature.
+</p>
+<p>
+Lord G. says: "Treat him as if it were nothing at all, as if you saw him
+yesterday: don't give him the importance of having irritated you. Be a
+regular woman of fashion." If my temper would permit, perhaps this
+would be best of all; but have I a right to acquit a "great public
+malefactor"? That's a "case of conscience," Molly, that perhaps only the
+Church could resolve. The saints direct me!
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0032"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XXVIII. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQUIRE, TRINITY COLLEGE,
+</h2>
+<center>
+DUBLIN.
+</center>
+<p>
+My dear Bob,&mdash;It is quite true, I am a shameful correspondent, and your
+last three letters now before me, unanswered, comprise a tremendous
+indictment against me; but reflect for a moment, and you will see that
+in all complaints of this kind there is a certain amount of injustice,
+since it is hardly possible ever to find two people whose tastes,
+habite, and present circumstances place them on such terms of perfect
+equality that the interchange of letters is as easy for one as the
+other. Think over this for a moment, and you will perceive that sitting
+down at your quiet desk, in "No. 2, Old Square," is a different process
+from snatching a hurried moment amidst the din, the crash, and the
+conflict of life at Baden; and if <i>your</i> thoughts flow on calmly,
+tinctured with the solemn influences around you, <i>mine</i> as necessarily
+reflect an existence checkered by every rainbow hue of good or evil
+fortune.
+</p>
+<p>
+Be therefore tolerant of my silence and indulgent to my stupidity, since
+to transmit one's thoughts requires previously that you should think;
+and who can, or ever could, in a place like this? Imagine a winding
+valley, with wooded hills rising in some places to the height of
+mountains, in the midst of which stands a little village&mdash;for it is no
+more&mdash;nearly every house of which is a palace, some splendid hotel of
+France, Russia, or England. You pass from these by a shady alley to
+a little rustic bridge, over what might be, and very possibly is, an
+excellent trout-stream, and come at once in front of a magnificent
+structure, frescoed without and gilded and stuccoed within. "The Rooms,"
+the Temple of Fortune, the ordeal of destiny, Bob, is held here; and the
+rake of the croupier is the distaff of the Fate. Hither come flocking
+the representatives of every nation of the world, and of almost every
+class in each. Royalty, princely houses, and nobility with twenty
+quarterings, are jostled in the indiscriminate crowd with houseless
+adventurers, beggared spendthrifts, and ruined debauchees. All who can
+contribute the clink of their Louis d'or to the music are welcome
+to this orchestra! And women, too, fair, delicate, and lovely, the
+tenderest flowers that ever were nursed within domestic care, mixed up
+with others, not less handsome perhaps, but whose siren beauty is almost
+diabolic by comparison. What a babel of tongues, and what confusion
+of characters! The grandee of Spain, the escaped galley-slave, the
+Hungarian magnate, the London "swell," the old and hoary gambler with
+snow-white moustaches, and the unfledged minor, anticipating manhood by
+ruining himself in his "teens." All these are blended and commingled by
+the influence of play? and, differing as they do in birth, in blood, in
+lineage, and condition, yet are they members of one guild, associates
+of one society,&mdash;the gambling-table. And what a leveller is play! He who
+whispers in the ear of the Crown Prince yonder is a branded felon from
+the Bagnes de Brest; the dark-whiskered man yonder, who leans over the
+lady's chair, is an escaped forger; the Carlist noble is asking friendly
+counsel of a Christino spy; the London pickpocket offers his jewelled
+snuff-box to an Archduke of Austria. "How goes the game today?" cries
+a Neapolitan prince of the blood, and the question is addressed to
+a red-bearded Corsican, whose livelihood is a stiletto. "Is that the
+beautiful Countess of Hapsburg?" asks a fresh-looking Oxford man; and
+his friend laughingly answers: "Not exactly; it is Mademoiselle Varenne,
+of the Odéon." The fine-looking man yonder is a Mexican general, who
+carried off the military chest from Guanaguato; the pompous little
+fellow beside him is a Lucchese count, who stole part of the Crown
+jewels of his sovereign; the long-haired, broad-foreheaded man, with
+open shirt-collar, so violently denouncing the wrongs of injured Italy,
+is a Russian spy; and the dark Arab behind him is a Swiss valet, more
+than suspected of having murdered his master in the Mediterranean.
+Our English contingent embraces lords of the bedchamber, members of
+Parliament, railroad magnates, money-lending attorneys, legs, swells,
+and swindlers, and a small sprinkling of University men, out to read
+and be ruined,&mdash;the fair sex, comprising women of a certain fast set in
+London, divorced countesses, a long category of the widow class, some
+with daughters, some without. There is an abundance of good looks,
+splendid dress, and money without limit! The most striking feature of
+all, however, is the reckless helter-skelter pace at which every one is
+going, whether his pursuit be play, love, or mere extravagance. There
+is no such thing as calculation,&mdash;no counting the cost of anything. Life
+takes its tone from the tables, and where, as wealth and beggary succeed
+each other, so does every possible extreme of joy and misery, people
+wager their passions and their emotions exactly as they do their
+bank-notes and their gold pieces. Chance, my dear Bob,&mdash;chance is
+ten times a more intoxicating liquor than champagne, and once take to
+"dramming" with fortune, and you may bid a long adieu to sobriety! I do
+not speak here of the terrible infatuation of play, and the almost utter
+impossibility of resisting it, but I allude to what is infinitely worse,
+the certainty of your applying play theories and play tactics to every
+event and circumstance of real life.
+</p>
+<p>
+The whole world becomes to you but one great green cloth, and everything
+in it a question of luck! Will the bad run continue here? Will good
+fortune stand much longer to you? These are the questions ever rising
+to your mind. You grow to regard yourself as utterly powerless and
+impassive; a football at the toe of Destiny! I think I see your eyebrows
+upraised in astonishment at these profound reflections of mine. You
+never suspected me of moralizing, nor, shall I own it, was I aware
+myself that I had any genius that way. Shall I tell you the secret,
+Bob,&mdash;shall I unlock the mysterious drawer of hidden motives for you? It
+is this, then: I have been a tremendously heavy loser at Rouge-et-Noir!
+As long as luck lasted, which it did for three weeks or more, I enjoyed
+this place with a zest I cannot describe to you. The moralists tell us
+that prosperity hardens the heart; I cannot believe it. I know at least,
+that in my brief experience I never felt such a universal tenderness for
+everything and everybody. I seemed to live in an atmosphere of beauty,
+luxury, and splendor; every one was courteous; all were amiable! It
+was not alone that fortune favored me, but I appeared to have the good
+wishes of all beholders; words of encouragement murmured around me as I
+won; soft bewitching glances beamed over at me, as I raked up my gold.
+The very banker seemed to shovel out the shining pieces to me with a
+sense of satisfaction! Old veterans of the tables peeped over me to
+watch my game, and exclamations of wonder and admiration broke forth
+at each new moment of my triumphs! I don't care what it may be that
+constitutes the subject of display: a great speech in the House, a
+splendid picture at the Gallery, a novel, a song, a spirited lecture, a
+wonderful feat of strength or horsemanship; but there is an inward
+sense of intoxication in being the "cynosure of all eyes"&mdash;the "one in
+a thousand"&mdash;that comes very nigh to madness! Many a time have I screwed
+up my hunter to a fence&mdash;a regular yawner&mdash;that I knew in my heart was
+touch-and-go with both of us, simply because some one in the crowd said,
+"Look how young Dodd will do it" I made some smashing ventures at
+the "tables," under pretty similar promptings, and, I must say, with
+splendid success.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Are you always so fortunate?" asked a royal personage, with a courteous
+smile towards me.
+</p>
+<p>
+"And in everything?" sighs a gentle voice, with a look of such
+bewitching softness that I forgot to take up my stake, and see it remain
+on the board to double itself the next deal.
+</p>
+<p>
+Besides all this, there is a grand magnificence in all your notions
+under the access of sudden wealth. You give orders to your tradespeople
+with a Jove-like omnipotence. You revel in the unbounded realms of
+"I will." What signifies the cost of anything,&mdash;the most gorgeous
+entertainment? It is only adding twenty Naps, to your next bet! That
+rich bracelet of rubies&mdash;pshaw!&mdash;it is to be had for the turn of a card!
+In a word, Bob, I felt that I had fallen upon the "Bendigo Diggins,"
+without even the trouble of the search! I wanted fifty Naps, for
+a caprice, and strolled in to win them, as coolly as though I were
+changing a check at my banker's!
+</p>
+<p>
+"Come, Jim, be a good fellow, and back me this time; I 'm certain to win
+if you do," whispers a young lord, with fifteen thousand a year.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Which side is Dodd on?" asked an old peer, with his purse in his hand.
+</p>
+<p>
+"How I should like to win eighty Louis, and buy that roan Arab,"
+whispers Lady Mary to her sister.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I 'd rather spend the money on that opal brooch," murmurs the other.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Egad! if I win this time, I 'll start for my regiment to-night,"
+mutters a pale-looking sub., with a red spot in one cheek, and eyes
+lustrous as if on fire.
+</p>
+<p>
+Fancy the power of him who can accomplish these, and a hundred like
+longings, without a particle of sacrifice on his own part! Imagine, my
+dear Bob, the conscious rule and sway thus suggested, and ask yourself
+what ecstasy ever equalled it! I possessed all that Peter Schlemihl
+did, and had n't to give even my "shadow" in return. During these three
+glorious weeks, I gave dinners, concerts, and suppers, commanded plays,
+bespoke operas, patronized humbugs of all kinds, and headed charities
+without number. As to presents of jewelry, I almost fancied myself a
+kind of distributing agent for Storr and Mortimer.
+</p>
+<p>
+The hotel stables were filled with animals of all kinds belonging to
+me,&mdash;dogs, donkeys, horses, Spanish mules, and a bear; while every shape
+and description of equipage crammed the coach-houses and the courtyard.
+One of these, with a single wheel in front, and great facilities for
+upsetting behind, was invented by a Baden artist, and most flatteringly
+and felicitously called "Le Dod." Wasn't that fame for you, my boy?
+Think of going down to posterity on noiseless wheels and patent
+axles! Fancy being transmitted to remote ages on C springs and elastic
+cushions! Such was the rage for my patronage that an ingenious cutler
+had dubbed a newly invented forceps by my name, and I was introduced
+into the world of surgery as a torture.
+</p>
+<p>
+Now for the obverse of the medal. It was on that un-luckiest of all
+days&mdash;a Friday&mdash;that fortune changed with me. I had lain all the morning
+abed, after being up the whole night previous, and only went down to
+"the Rooms" in the evening. As usual, I was accompanied by my train of
+followers, lords, baronets, M. P.s, foreign counts and chevaliers,&mdash;for
+I went to the field like a general, with his full staff around him! You
+'ll scarcely believe me when I tell you, Bob, but I say it in all truth
+and seriousness, that so long as my star was in the ascendant, so long
+as my counsels were what Homer would call "wealth-bestowing words,"
+there was not an opinion of mine upon any subject, no matter how great
+my ignorance of it might have been, that was not listened to with
+deference and repeated with approval. "Dodd said so yesterday," "I hear
+Dodd thinks highly of it," "Dodd's opinion is unfavorable," and so on,
+were phrases that rang around me from every group I passed, and from
+the "odds on the Derby" to the "division on the Budget," there was a
+profound impression that my sentiments were worth hearing.
+</p>
+<p>
+The pleasantest talkers in Europe, the wittiest conversera that ever
+convulsed a dinner-party with laughter, would have been deserted and
+forsaken to hear <i>me</i> hold forth, whether the theme was art, literature,
+law and politics, or the drama, or any other you please to mention, and
+of which my ignorance was profound. My luck was unfailing. "Dodd never
+loses," "Dodd has only to back it,"&mdash;these were the gifts which all
+could acknowledge and profit by, and these no man undervalued or denied.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Benasset"&mdash;this was the proprietor of the tables&mdash;"has been employing
+his time profitably, Dodd, during your absence. He has made a great
+morning of it,&mdash;cleared out the old Elector, and sent the Margraf of
+Ragatz penniless to his dominions." This was the speech that met me as I
+entered the door, and a general all hail followed it.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Now you 'll see some smart play," whispered one to his newly come
+friend. "Here 's young Dodd; we shall have some fun presently." Amid
+these and similar murmurings I approached the tables, at which a place
+for me was speedily made, for my coming was regarded by the company as a
+good augury.
+</p>
+<p>
+I could dwell long upon the sensations that then thronged my brain; they
+were certainly upon the whole highly pleasurable, but not unmixed with
+some sadness; for I already was beginning to feel a kind of contempt
+for my worshippers, and for myself too, as the unworthy object of their
+devotion. This scorn had not much leisure granted for its indulgence,
+for the cards were now presented to me for "the cut," and the game
+began.
+</p>
+<p>
+As usual, my luck was unbroken. If I had doubled my stake, or by caprice
+withdrew it altogether, it was the same. Fortune seemed to wait upon my
+orders. Revelling in a kind of absolutism over fate, I played a thousand
+pranks with luck, and won,&mdash;won on, as if to lose was an impossibility.
+What strange fancies crossed my mind as I sat there,&mdash;vague fears,
+shadowy terrors of the oddest kind, wild, dreamy, and undefined! Visions
+of joy and misery; orgies, mad and furious with mirth, and agonizing
+sights of misery, thoughts of men who had made compacts with the
+Fiend, and the terrors that beset them in the midst of their voluptuous
+abandonment; Belshazzar at his feast; Faust on the Brocken,&mdash;rose to my
+mind, and I almost started up and fled from the table at one moment,
+so impressed was I by these images! Would that I had! Would that I
+had listened to that warning whisper of my good genius that was then
+admonishing me!
+</p>
+<p>
+My revery had become such at last that I really never saw nor heard what
+went on about me. You can picture my condition to yourself when I
+say that I was only recalled to self-possession by loud and incessant
+laughter, that rang out on every side of me. "What 's the matter,&mdash;what
+has happened?" cried I, in amazement. "Don't you perceive, sir," said
+a bystander, "that you have broken the bank, and they are waiting for a
+remittance to continue the play?"
+</p>
+<a name="image-0017"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/384.jpg" height="695" width="937"
+alt="384
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+So it was, Bob; I had actually won their last Napoleon, and there I sat
+pushing my stake mechanically into the middle of the table, and raking
+it up again, playing an imaginary game, to the amusement of that motley
+crowd, who looked on at me with screams of laughter. I laughed, too,
+when I came to myself. It was such a relief to me to join, even for a
+moment, in any feeling that others experienced!
+</p>
+<p>
+The money came at last. Two strongly clasped, heavily ironed coffers
+were borne into the room by four powerful men. I watched them with
+interest as they unlocked and poured forth their shining stores; for in
+imagination they were already my own. I believe at that moment, if any
+one had offered to assure me the winning of them "for fifty Naps.," that
+I should have rejected the proposal with disdain, so impossible did it
+seem to me that luck could desert me! Do you know, Bob, that what most
+interested me at the time was the varied expressions displayed by the
+company at sight of the gorgeous treasure before them? It was strange
+to mark how little all their good breeding and fine manners availed to
+repress vulgarity of thought and feeling, for there was greed or envy or
+hatred, or some inordinate passion or other, on every face around; looks
+of mild and gentle meaning became dashed with a half ferocity; venerable
+old age grew fretful and impatient; youth lost its frank and careless
+bearing; and, in fact, gain, and the lust of gain, was the predominant
+and overbearing thought of every mind, and wish of every heart! I pledge
+you my word, there was more animal savagery in the expressions on all
+sides than ever I saw on a pack of yelping fox-hounds when the huntsman
+held up the fox in the midst of them. It was the comparison that came
+to my mind at the moment, and I repeat it, with the reservation that the
+dogs behaved best.
+</p>
+<p>
+There was an old careworn, meanly dressed man, with a faded blue ribbon
+in his button-hole, seated in the place I usually occupied, and he arose
+to give it to me with that mingled air of reluctance and respect which
+it is so bard to resist. His manner seemed to say, "I am too poor and
+too humble to contest the matter, but I 'd remain here if I could."
+</p>
+<p>
+"So you shall, then," said I to myself, and pushed him gently down upon
+the seat again.
+</p>
+<p>
+"By Jove! the old fellow has got the lucky place," cried one in the
+crowd behind me.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Hang we, if Dodd has n't given up his old chair!" said another.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I 'd rather have had <i>that</i> seat," exclaimed a third, "than one at the
+India Board."
+</p>
+<p>
+But I only laughed at these absurd superstitions,&mdash;as though it were the
+spot, and not myself, that Fortune loved to caress! As if to resent the
+foolish credulity, I threw a heavy bet on the table, and lost it! Again
+and again I did the same, with the like result; and now a murmur ran
+through the room that luck had turned with me. I had given up my winning
+seat, and was losing at every turn of the cards.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Let <i>me</i> have a peep at him," I beard one whisper to his friend behind.
+"I 'd like to see how he bears it!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"He loses remarkably well," muttered the other.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Admirably!" said another. "He seems neither confident nor impatient; I
+like the way he stands it."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Egad, his hand trembles, though! He tore that banknote in trying to get
+it out of his fingers!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"His hand is hot, too,&mdash;see how the Louis stick to it!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"They 'll not do so very long, depend on 't," said a close-shaved,
+well-whiskered fellow, with a knowing eye; and the remark met an
+approving smile from the bystanders.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I have just added up his last fifteen bets," said a young man to a lady
+on his arm, "and what do you think he has lost? Forty-eight thousand
+francs,&mdash;close on two thousand pounds!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Quite enough for one evening!" said I, with a smile towards him, which
+made both himself and his friend blush deeply at being overheard; and
+with this I shut up my pocket-book, and strolled away from the tables
+into another room, where there were chess and whist players. I took a
+chair, and affected to watch the game with interest, my heart at the
+moment throbbing as though it would burst through my chest. Don't
+mistake, Bob, and fancy it was the accursed thirst for gold that
+enthralled me. I swear to you that mere gain, mere wealth, never entered
+into my thought at that moment. It was the gambler's lust&mdash;to be
+the victor, not to be beaten&mdash;that was the terrible passion that
+now struggled and stormed within me! I 'd like to have staked a
+limb&mdash;honor&mdash;happiness&mdash;life itself&mdash;on the issue of a chance; for I
+felt as though it were a duel with destiny, and I could not quit the
+ground till one of us should succumb!
+</p>
+<p>
+How poor and unsatisfying seemed the slow combinations of skill, as
+I watched the chess-players! What miserable minuteness, what petty
+plottings for small results!&mdash;nothing grand, great, or decisive! It was
+like being bled to death from some wretched trickling vessel, instead
+of meeting one's fate gloriously, amidst the roar of artillery and the
+crash of squadrons!
+</p>
+<p>
+I lounged into the <i>salons</i> where they dance; it was a very brilliant
+and a very beautiful assembly. There were faces and figures there that
+might have proved attractive to eyes more critical than my own. My
+sudden appearance amongst them, too, was rapturously welcomed. I was
+already a celebrity; and I felt that amidst the soft glances and beaming
+smiles around me, I had but to choose out her whom I would distinguish
+by my attentions. My mother and the girls came to me with pressing
+entreaties to take out the beautiful Countess de B., or to be presented
+to the charming Marchioness of N. There was a dowager archduchess who
+vouchsafed to know me. Miss Somebody, with I forget how many millions in
+the funds, told Mary Anne she might introduce me. Already the master
+of the ceremonies came to know if I preferred a mazurka or a waltz. The
+world was, so to say, at my feet; and, as is usual at such moments, I
+kicked it for being there. In plain English, Bob, I saw nothing in
+all that bright and brilliant crowd but scheming mammas and designing
+daughters; a universal distrust, an utter disbelief in everything
+and everybody, had got bold of me. Whatever I could n't explain, I
+discredited. The ringlets might be false; the carnation might be rouge;
+the gentle timidity of manner might be the cat-like slyness of the
+tiger; the artless gayety of heart, the practised coquetry of a
+flirt,&mdash;ay, the very symmetry that seemed perfection, might it not be
+the staymaker's! Play had utterly corrupted me, and there was not one
+healthy feeling, one manly thought, or one generous impulse left within
+me! I left the room a few minutes after I entered it. I neither danced
+nor got presented to any one; but after one lounging stroll through the
+<i>salons</i> I quitted the place, as though there was not one to know, not
+one to speak to! I have more than once witnessed the performance of this
+polite process by another. I have watched a fellow making the tour of
+a company, with a glass stuck in his eye, and his hand thrust in
+his pocket. I have tracked him as he passed on from group to group,
+examining the guests with the same coolness he bestowed on the china,
+and smiling his little sardonic appreciation of whatever struck him as
+droll or ridiculous; and when he has retired, it has been all I could do
+not to follow him out, and kick him down the stairs at his departure.
+I have no doubt that my conduct on this occasion must have inspired
+similar sentiments; nor have I any hesitation in avowing that they were
+well merited.
+</p>
+<a name="image-0018"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/388.jpg" height="509" width="709"
+alt="388
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+When I reached the open air I felt a delicious sense of relief. It was
+so still, so calm, so tranquil! a bright starlit summer's night, with
+here and there a murmuring of low voices, a gentle laugh, beard amongst
+the trees, and the rustling sounds of silk drapery brushing through
+the alleys,&mdash;all those little suggestive tokens that bring up one's
+reminiscences of
+</p>
+<pre>
+     "Those odorous boon
+     In jasmine bowers,
+     Or under the linden tree!"
+</pre>
+<p>
+But they only came for a second, Bob, and they left not a trace behind
+them. The monotonous rubric of the croupier rang ever through my
+brain,&mdash;"Faîtes votre jeu, Messieurs! "&mdash;"Messieurs, faîtes votre jeu!"
+The table, the lights, the glittering gold, the clank of the rake, were
+all before me, and I set off at full speed to the hotel, to fetch more
+money, and resume my play.
+</p>
+<p>
+I 'll not weary you with a detail, at every step of which I know that
+your condemnation tracks me. I re-entered the play-room, secretly and
+cautiously; I approached the table stealthily; I hoped to escape all
+observation,&mdash;at least, for a time; and with this object I betted small
+sums, and attracted no notice. My luck varied,&mdash;now inclining on this
+side, now to that. Fortune seemed as though in a half-capricious mood,
+and as it were undetermined how to treat me. "This comes of my own
+miserable timidity," thought I; "when I was bold and courageous, she
+favored me. It is the same in everything. To win, one must venture."
+</p>
+<p>
+There was a vacant place in front of me; a young Hungarian had just
+quitted it, having lost his last "Louis." I immediately took it. The
+card on which he had been marking the chances of the game still lay
+there. I took it up, and saw that he had been playing most rashly; that
+no luck could possibly have carried a man safely through such a system
+as he had followed.
+</p>
+<p>
+I must let you into a little secret of this game, Bob, and do not be
+incredulous of my theory, because my own case is a sorry illustration of
+it. Where all men fail at Rouge-et-Noir, is from temper. The loser makes
+tremendous efforts to repair his losses; the winner grows cautious with
+success, and diminishes his stake. Now the wise course is, play low when
+you see Fate against you, and back your luck to the very limit of the
+bank. You ask, perhaps, "How are you to ascertain either of these facts?
+What evidence have you that Fortune is with or against you?" As you are
+not a gambler, I cannot explain this to you. It is part of the masonry
+of the play-table, and every one who risks heavily on a chance knows
+well what are the instincts that guide him.
+</p>
+<p>
+I own to you, that though well aware of these facts, and thoroughly
+convinced that they form the only rules of play, I soon forgot them
+in the excitement of the game, and betted on, as caprice, or rather
+as passion, dictated. We Irish are bad stuff for gamblers. We have the
+bull-dog resistance of the Englishman,&mdash;his stern resolve not to
+be beaten,&mdash;but we have none of his caution or reserve. We are as
+impassioned as the men of the South, but we are destitute of that
+intense selfishness that never suffers an Italian to peril his all. In
+fact, as an old Belgian said to me one night, we make bad winners and
+worse losers,&mdash;too lavish in one case, too reckless in the other.
+</p>
+<p>
+I am not seeking excuses for my failure in my nationality. I accept
+the whole blame on my own shoulders. With common prudence I might have
+arisen that night a large winner; as it was, I left the table with a
+loss of nigh three thousand pounds. Just fancy it, Bob,&mdash;five thousand
+pounds poorer than when I strolled out after luncheon. A sum
+sufficient to have started me splendidly in some career,&mdash;the army, for
+instance,&mdash;gone without enjoyment, even without credit; for already
+the critics were busily employed in analyzing my "play," which they
+unanimously pronounced "badly reasoned and contemptible." There remained
+to me still&mdash;at home in the hotel, fortunately&mdash;about eight hundred
+pounds of my former winnings, and I passed the night canvassing with
+myself what I should do with these. Three or four weeks back I had
+never given a second thought to the matter,&mdash;indeed, it would never have
+entered my head to risk such a sum at play; but now the habit of winning
+and losing heavy wages, the alternations of affluence and want, had
+totally mastered all the calmer properties of reason, and I could
+entertain the notion without an effort. I 'll not tire you with my
+reasonings on this subject. Probably you would scarcely dignify them
+with the name. They all resolved themselves into this: "If I did not
+play, I 'd never win back what I lost; if I did, I <i>might</i>." My mind
+once made up to this, I began to plot how I should proceed to execute
+it I resolved to enter the room next day just as the table opened, at
+twelve o'clock. The players who frequented the room at that hour were
+a few straggling, poor-looking people, who usually combined together to
+make up the solitary crown-piece they wished to venture. Of course I had
+no acquaintances amongst them, and therefore should be free from all
+the embarrassing restraints of observation by my intimates. My judgment
+would be calmer, my head cooler, and, in fact, I could devote myself to
+the game with all my energies uncramped and unimpeded.
+</p>
+<p>
+Sharp to the moment of the clock striking twelve, I entered the room.
+One of the croupiers was talking to a peasant-girl at the window. The
+other, seated on a table, was reading the newspaper. They both looked
+astonished at seeing me, but bowed respectfully, not, however, making
+any motion to assume their accustomed places, since it never occurred
+to them that I could have come to play at such an hour of the morning. A
+little group, of the very "seediest" exterior, was waiting respectfully
+for when it might be the croupiers' pleasure to begin, but the
+functionaries never deigned to notice them.
+</p>
+<p>
+"At what hour are the tables opened?" asked I, as if for information.
+</p>
+<p>
+"At noon, Monsieur le Comte," said one of the croupiers, folding up
+his paper, and producing the keys of the strongbox; "but, except
+these worthy people,"&mdash;this he said with a most contemptuous air
+of compassion,&mdash;"we have no players till four, or even five, of the
+afternoon."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Come, then," said I, taking a seat, "I 'll set the virtuous fashion of
+early hours. There go twenty Naps, for a beginning."
+</p>
+<p>
+The dealer shuffled the cards. I cut them, and we began. <i>We</i> I say;
+because I was the only player, the little knot of humble folk gathering
+around me in mute astonishment, and wondering what millionnaire they had
+before them. If I had not been too deeply engaged in the interest of the
+game, I should have experienced the very highest degree of entertainment
+from the remarks and comments of the bystanders, who all sympathized
+with me, and made common cause against the bank.
+</p>
+<p>
+Some of them were peasants, some were small shopkeepers from distant
+towns,&mdash;the police regulations exclude all natives of Baden, it being
+the Grand-Ducal policy only to pillage the foreigner,&mdash;and one, a
+half-starved, decrepit old fellow, had been a professor of something
+somewhere, and turned out of his university to starve for having
+broached some liberal doctrines in a lecture. He it was who watched me
+with most eager intensity, following every alternation of my game with
+a card and a pin. At the end of about an hour I was winner of something
+more than two hundred pounds, and I sat betting on, my habitual stake of
+five, or sometimes ten "Naps." each time.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Get up and go away now," whispered the old man in my ear. "You have
+done enough for once,&mdash;gained more in this brief hour than ever I did in
+any two years of hard labor."
+</p>
+<p>
+"At what trade did you work?" asked I, without raising my head from my
+game.
+</p>
+<p>
+"My faculty was the 'Pandects,'" replied he, gravely; "but I lectured in
+private on history, philology, and chemistry."
+</p>
+<p>
+Shocked at the rudeness of my question to one in his station, I muttered
+some half-intelligible excuse; but he did not seem to suspect any
+occasion for apology,&mdash;never recognizing that he who labored with head
+could arrogate over him who toiled with his hands.
+</p>
+<p>
+"There, I told you so," broke he in, suddenly. "You will lose all back
+again. You play rashly. The runs of the game have been 'triplets' and
+<i>you</i> bet on to the fourth time of passing."
+</p>
+<p>
+"So, then, you understand it!" said I, smiling, and still making my
+stake as before.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Let the deal pass; don't bet now," whispered he, eagerly.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Herr Ephraim, I have warned you already," cried the croupier, "that
+if you persist in disturbing the gentlemen who play here, you will be
+removed by the police."
+</p>
+<p>
+The word "police"&mdash;so dreadful to all German ears&mdash;made the old man
+tremble from bead to foot; and he bowed twice or thrice in hurried
+submission, and protested that he would be more cautious in future.
+</p>
+<p>
+"You certainly do not exhibit such signs of good fortune on your own
+person," said the croupier, "that should entitle you to advise and
+counsel others."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Quite true, Herr Croupier," assented he, with an attempt to smile.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Besides that, if you reckon upon the Count's good nature to give you
+a trifle when the game is over, you 'll certainly merit it better by
+silence and respect now."
+</p>
+<p>
+The old man's face became deep scarlet, and then as suddenly pale. He
+made an effort to say something; but though his hands gesticulated,
+and his lips moved, no sounds were audible, and with a faint sigh he
+tottered back and leaned against the wall. I sprang up and placed him
+in a chair, and, seeing that he was overcome by weakness, I called for
+wine, and hastily poured a glassful down his throat. I could not induce
+him to take a second, and he seemed, while expressing his gratitude, to
+be impatient to get away and leave the place.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Shall I see you home, Herr Ephraim?" said I; "will you allow me to
+accompany you?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"On no account, Herr Graf," said he, giving me the title he had heard
+the croupier address me by. "I can go alone; I am quite able, and&mdash;I
+prefer it."
+</p>
+<p>
+"But you are too weak, far too weak to venture by yourself,&mdash;is he
+not so?" said I, turning to the croupier to corroborate my words. A
+strangely significant raising of the eyebrow, a sort of&mdash;I know not
+what&mdash;meaning, was all the reply he made me; and half ashamed of the
+possibility of being made the dupe of some practised impostor, I drew
+nigh the table for an explanation.
+</p>
+<p>
+"What is it? what do you mean?" asked I, eagerly.
+</p>
+<p>
+A shrug of the shoulders and a look of pity was his answer.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Is he a hypocrite?&mdash;is he a cheat?" asked I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Perhaps not exactly <i>that</i>," said he, shuffling the cards.
+</p>
+<p>
+"A drunkard,&mdash;does he drink, then?" asked I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I have never heard so," said he.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Then what has he done?&mdash;what is he?" cried I, impatiently.
+</p>
+<p>
+He made a sign for me to come close, and then whispered in my ear what
+I have just told you, only with a voice full of holy horror at the crime
+of a man who had dared to have an opinion not in accordance with that of
+a Police Prefect! That he&mdash;a man of hard study and deep reading&mdash;should
+venture to draw other lessons from history than those taught at
+drum-heads by corporals and petty officers!
+</p>
+<p>
+"Is that all?&mdash;is that all?" asked I, indignantly.
+</p>
+<p>
+"All all!" exclaimed he; "do you want more?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Why, these things may possibly interest police spies, but they have no
+imaginable concern for me."
+</p>
+<p>
+"That is precisely what they have, sir," said he, hastily, and in a
+still more cautious tone. "You could not show that miserable man a
+kindness without its attracting the attention of the authorities. They
+never could be brought to believe mere humanity was the motive, and they
+would seek for some explanation more akin to their daily habits. As an
+Englishman, I know your custom is to treat these things haughtily, and
+make every personal insult of this kind a national question; but the
+inconvenience of this course will track you over the whole Continent.
+Your passport will be demanded here, permission refused you to remain
+there. At one town your luggage will be scrutinized, at another, your
+letters opened. I conclude you come abroad to enjoy yourself. Is this
+the way to do it? At all events, he is gone now," added he, looking down
+the room, "and let's think no more of him. Messieurs, faîtes votre jeu!"
+and once more rang out the burden of that monotonous injunction to ruin
+and beggary!
+</p>
+<p>
+I was n't exactly in the mood for high play at the moment; on the
+contrary, my thoughts were with poor Ephraim and his sorrows; but, for
+very pride's sake, I was obliged to seem indifferent and at ease. For I
+must tell you, Bob, this cold, impassive bearing is the high breeding
+of the play-table, and to transgress it, even for an instant, is a gross
+breach of good manners. I have told you my mind was preoccupied; the
+results were soon manifest in my play. Every "coup" was ill-timed. I was
+always on the wrong color, and lost without intermission.
+</p>
+<p>
+"This is not your 'beau moment,' Monsieur le Comte," said the croupier
+to me, as he raked in a stake I had suffered to quadruple itself by
+remaining. "I should almost say, wait for another time!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Had you said so half an hour ago," replied I, bitterly, "the counsel
+might have been worth heeding. There goes the last of twenty thousand
+francs." And there it did go, Bob! swept in by the same remorseless hand
+that gathered all I possessed.
+</p>
+<p>
+I lingered for a few moments, half stunned. I felt like one that
+requires some seconds to recover from the effects of a severe blow, but
+who feels conscious that with time he shall rally and be himself again.
+After that I strolled out into the open air, lighted my cigar, and
+turned off into a steep path that led up the mountain side, under the
+cover of a dense pine forest. I walked for hours, without noticing the
+way at either side of me, and it was only when, overcome with thirst,
+I stooped to drink at a little fountain, that I perceived I had crossed
+over the crest of the mountain, and gained a little glen at its foot,
+watered by what I guessed must be a capital fishing-stream. Indeed, I
+had not long to speculate on this point, for, a few hundred yards off,
+I beheld a man standing knee-deep in the water, over which he threw his
+line, with that easy motion of the wrist that bespeaks the angler.
+</p>
+<p>
+I must tell you that the sight of a fly-fisher is so far interesting
+abroad that it is only practised by the English; and although, Heaven
+knows, there is no scarcity of them in town and cities, the moment you
+wander in the least out of the beaten, frequented track of travel, you
+rejoice to see your countryman. I made towards him, therefore, at once,
+to ask what sport he had, and came up just as he had landed a good-sized
+fish.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I see, sir," said I, "that the fish are not so strong as in our waters.
+You 'd have given that fellow twenty minutes more play, had he been in a
+Highland tarn."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Or in that brisk little river at Dodsborough," replied he, laughing;
+and, turning round at the same time to sainte me, I perceived that it
+was Captain Morris. You may remember him being quartered at Bruff, about
+two years ago, and having had some altercation with my governor on
+some magisterial topics. He was never much to my taste. I thought him
+somewhat of a military prig, very stiff and stand off; but whether it
+was the shooting-jacket <i>vice</i> the red coat, or change of place and
+scene, I know not, but now he seemed far more companionable than I could
+have thought him. He was a capital angler too, and spoke of shooting and
+deer-stalking like one passionately fond of them. I felt half ashamed
+at first, when he asked me my opinion of the trout streams in the
+neighborhood, and it was only as we warmed up that I owned to the
+kind of life I had been leading at Baden, and the consequences it had
+entailed.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Fortunately for me, in one sense," said he, laughing, "I have always
+been too poor a man to play at anything; and chess, which excludes all
+idea of money, is the only game I know. But of this I am quite sure,
+that the worst of gambling is neither the time nor the money lost upon
+it; it is the simple fact that, if you ever win, from that moment forth
+you are unfitted to the pursuits by which men earn their livelihood. The
+slow, careworn paths of daily industry become insufferable to him who
+can compass a year's labor by the turn of a die. Enrich yourself but
+once&mdash;only once&mdash;at the play-table, and try then what it is to follow
+any career of patient toil."
+</p>
+<p>
+He had seen, he said, many examples of this in his own regiment; some
+of the very finest fellows had been ruined by play, for, as he remarked,
+"it is strange enough, there are few vices so debasing, and yet the
+natures and temperaments most open to the seduction of the gaming-table
+are very far from being those originally degraded." I suppose that his
+tone of conversation chimed in well with my thoughts at the moment, for
+I listened to all he said with deep interest, and willingly accepted his
+invitation to eat some of his morning's sport at a little cottage, where
+he lived, hard by. He had taken it for the season, and was staying
+there with his mother, a charming old lady, who welcomed me with great
+cordiality.
+</p>
+<p>
+I dined and passed the evening with them. I don't remember when I
+spent one so much to my satisfaction, for there was something more than
+courtesy, something beyond mere politeness, in their manner towards me;
+and I could observe in any chance allusion to the girls, there was a
+degree of real interest that almost savored of friendship. There was
+but one point on which I did not thoroughly go with Morris, and that
+was about Tiverton. On that I found him full of the commonest and most
+vulgar prejudices. He owned that there was no acquaintanceship between
+them, and therefore I was able to attribute much, if not all, of
+his impressions to erroneous information. Now I know George
+intimately,&mdash;nobody can know him better. He is what they call in the
+world "a loose fish." He's not overburdened with strict notions or rigid
+principles; he 'd tell you himself, that to be encumbered with either
+would be like entering for a rowing-match in a strait waistcoat; but
+he is a fellow to share his last shilling with a friend,&mdash;thoroughly
+generous and free-hearted. These are qualities, however, that men like
+Morris hold cheap. They seem to argue that nobody stands in need of
+such attributes. I differ with them there totally. My notion is that
+shipwreck is so common a thing in life, it is always pleasant to think
+that a friend can throw you a spare hencoop when you're sinking.
+</p>
+<p>
+We chatted till the night closed in, and then, as the moon got up,
+Morris strolled with me to within a mile of Baden.
+</p>
+<p>
+"There!" said he, pointing to the little village, now all spangled with
+its starry lights,&mdash;"there lies the fatal spot that has blighted many a
+hope, and made many a heart a ruin! I wish you were miles away from it!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"It cannot injure me much now," said I, laughing; "I am as regularly
+'cleaned out' as a poor old professor I met there this morning, Herr
+Ephraim."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Not Ephraim Gauss?" asked he. "Did you meet <i>him?</i>"
+</p>
+<p>
+"If that be his name,&mdash;a small, mean-looking man, with a white beard&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"One of the first men in Germany&mdash;the greatest civilian&mdash;the most
+learned Orientalist&mdash;and a man of almost universal attainment in
+science&mdash;tell me of him."
+</p>
+<p>
+I told him the little incident I have already related to you, and
+mentioned the caution given me by the croupier.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Which is not the less valuable," broke he in, "because he who gave it
+is himself a paid spy of the police."
+</p>
+<p>
+I started, and he went on.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Yes, it is perfectly true; and the advice he gave you was both good and
+well intended. These men who act as the croupiers are always in the
+pay of the police. Their position affords them the very best and safest
+means of obtaining information; they see everybody, and they hear an
+immensity of gossip. Still, it is not their interest that the English,
+who form the great majority of play-victims, should be excluded from
+places of gambling resort. With them, they would lose a great part of
+their income; for this reason he gave you that warning, and it is by no
+means to be despised or undervalued."
+</p>
+<p>
+At length we parted,&mdash;he to return over the mountain to his cottage, and
+I to continue my way to the hotel.
+</p>
+<p>
+"At least promise me one thing," said he, as he shook my hand: "you 'll
+not venture down yonder to-night;" and he pointed to the great building
+where the play went forward, now brilliant in all its illumination.
+</p>
+<p>
+"That's easily done," said I, laughing, "if you mean as regards play."
+</p>
+<p>
+"It is as regards play, I say it," replied he; "for the rest, I suppose
+you'll not incur much hazard."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I say that the pledge costs little sacrifice; I have no money to
+wager."
+</p>
+<p>
+"All the better, at least for the present. My advice to you would be,
+take your rod, or, if you haven't one, take one of mine, and set out for
+a week or ten days up the valley of the 'Moorg.' You'll have plenty
+of fishing, pretty scenery, and, above all, quiet and tranquillity to
+compose your mind and recover your faculties after all this fevered
+excitement."
+</p>
+<p>
+He continued to urge this plan upon me with considerable show of reason,
+and such success that as I shook his hand for the last time it was in
+a promise to carry out the scheme. He'd have gone with me himself, he
+said, but that he could not leave his mother even for a few days; and,
+indeed, this I scarcely regretted, because, to own the honest fact,
+my dear Bob, I felt that there was a terrible gulf between us in fifty
+matters of thought and opinion; and, what was worse, I saw that he was
+more often in the right than myself. Now, wise notions of life, prudent
+resolves, and sage aphorisms are certain to come some time or other
+to everybody; but I 'd as soon think of "getting up" wrinkles and
+crows'-feet as of assuming them at one-and-twenty. I know, at least,
+that's Tiverton's theory; and he, it can't be denied, does understand
+the world as well as most men. Not that I do not like Morris; on
+the contrary, I am sure he is an excellent fellow, and worthy of all
+respect, but somehow he does n't "go along," Bob; he's&mdash;as we used to
+say of a clumsy horse in heavy ground&mdash;"he's sticky." But I'm not going
+to abuse him, and particularly at the moment when I am indebted to his
+friendship.
+</p>
+<p>
+When I reached the hotel, I was so full of my plan that I sent for the
+landlord, and asked him to convert all my goods and chattels, live
+and dead, into ready cash. After a brief and rather hot discussion the
+scoundrel agreed to give me two hundred "Naps." for what would have been
+cheap at twelve. No matter, thought I, I 'll make an end of Baden, and
+if ever I set foot in it again&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"Come, out with the cash, Master Müller," cried I, impatient to be off;
+"I 'm sick of this place, and hope never to set eyes on 't more!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Ah, the 'Herr Graf' is going away then?" said he, in some surprise.
+"And the ladies, are they, too, about to leave?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I know nothing about their intentions, nor have you any business to
+make the inquiry," replied I; "pay this money, and make an end of it."
+</p>
+<p>
+He muttered something about doing the thing regularly, not having "so
+much gold by him," and so on, ending with a promise that in half an hour
+I should have the cash sent to my room.
+</p>
+<p>
+I accordingly hurried upstairs to put away my traps. My mother and the
+girls had already gone out for the evening, so that I wrote a few
+lines to say that I was off for a week's fishing, but would be back
+by Wednesday. I had just finished my short despatch, when the landlord
+entered with a slip of paper in one hand and a canvas bag of money in
+the other.
+</p>
+<p>
+"This is the inventory of the goods, Herr Graf, which you will please
+assign over to me, by affixing your signature."
+</p>
+<p>
+I wrote it at once.
+</p>
+<p>
+"This is my little account for your expenses at the hotel," said he,
+presenting a hateful-looking strip of a foot and a half long.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Another time,&mdash;no leisure for looking over that now!" said I, angrily.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Whenever you please, Herr Graf," said he, with the same imperturbable
+manner. "You will find it all correct, I 'm sure. This is the balance!"
+And opening the bag he poured forth some gold and silver, which, when
+counted, made up twenty-seven Napoleons, fourteen francs.
+</p>
+<p>
+"And what's this?" cried I, almost boiling over with rage.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Your balance, Herr Graf. All that is coming to you. If you will please
+to look here&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Give me up that inventory,&mdash;that bill of sale," cried I, perfectly wild
+with passion.
+</p>
+<p>
+He only gave a grim smile, while, by a significant gesture, he showed
+that the paper in question was in his breeches-pocket For a second, Bob,
+I was so thoroughly beside myself with passion, that I determined to
+regain possession of it by force. To this end I went to the door, and
+locked it; but by the time I returned to him, I found that he had thrown
+up the window and addressed some words to the people in the courtyard.
+This brought me to my senses, so I counted over my twenty-seven Naps.,
+placed the bill on the chimney-piece, unlocked the door, and told him
+to go,&mdash;an injunction which, I assure you, he obeyed with such alacrity
+that had I been disposed to assist his exit I could not have been in
+time to do it.
+</p>
+<p>
+For both our sakes I 'll not recall the state of mind in which this
+scene left me. As to going an excursion with such a sum, or rather
+with what would have remained of it after paying waiters, porters, and
+such-like, it was too absurd to think of, so that I coolly put it in my
+pocket, walked over to "the Rooms," threw it on the green cloth of
+the gaming-table&mdash;and&mdash;lost it! There ends the episode of my last
+fortnight's existence,&mdash;as dreary and disreputable a one as need be. As
+to how I have passed the last four days I 'm not quite so clear! I
+have walked some twenty-five or thirty miles in each, dining at little
+wayside inns, and returning late at night to Baden.
+</p>
+<p>
+Passing through picturesque glens, and along mountain ridges of
+boldest outline, I have marked little. I remember still less. Still the
+play-fever is abating. I can sleep without dreaming of the croupier's
+chant, and I awake without starting at any imaginary loss! I feel as
+though great bodily exertion and fatigue would ultimately antagonize the
+excessive tension of nerves too long and too painfully on the stretch,
+and I am steadily pursuing this system for a cure.
+</p>
+<p>
+When I come home&mdash;after midnight&mdash;I add some pages to this long epistle,
+which I sometimes doubt if I shall ever have courage to send you! for
+there is this poignant misery about one's play misfortunes, you never
+can expect a friend's sympathy, no matter how severe your sufferings be.
+The losses at play are thoroughly selfish ills; they appeal to nothing
+for consolation!
+</p>
+<p>
+You will have remarked how I have avoided all mention of the family in
+this epistle. The truth is, I scarcely ever see my mother or Mary Anne.
+Caroline occasionally comes to me before I 'm up of a morning; but it is
+to sorrow over domestic griefs of one kind or other. My father is still
+away, and, strangely too, we do not hear from him; and, in fact, we are
+a most ill-ordered, broken-up household, each going his own road, and
+that being&mdash;in almost every case, I fear&mdash;a bad one.
+</p>
+<p>
+This recital&mdash;if it be ever destined to come to hand&mdash;may possibly tend
+to reconcile you to home life, and the want of those advantages which
+you are so thoroughly convinced pertain to foreign travel. I know that
+in my present mood I am very far from being an impartial witness, and
+I am also aware that I am open to the reproach of not having cultivated
+those arts which give to Continental residence its peculiar value; but
+let me tell you, Bob, the ignorance with which I left home&mdash;the utter
+neglect of education in youth&mdash;left me unable to derive profit from what
+lay so seemingly accessible. You do not plate over cast-iron, and the
+thin lacquer of gold or silver would never even hide the base metal
+beneath. I haven't courage to go over and see Morris; and here I live,
+perfectly isolated and companionless.
+</p>
+<p>
+Tiverton writes me word that he 'll be back in a few days. He went
+over to speak on the Jew Bill. He says that his liberal speech on
+that measure "stood to him" very handsomely in Lombard Street He has
+forwarded the report of his oration, but I have n't read it. His chief
+argument in favor of admitting them into Parliament is, "There are so
+few of them." It's very like the lady's plea,&mdash;of the child being a
+little one. However, I don't think it signifies much one way or t'other;
+but it seems strange to exclude men from legislation who claim for their
+ancestor the first Lawgiver.
+</p>
+<p>
+I shall be all eagerness to hear what success you have had for the
+scholarship. You are a happy fellow to have heart and energy for an
+honorable ambition; and that you may have "luck"&mdash;for that is requisite,
+too&mdash;is the sincere wish of your attached friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+James Dodd.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0033"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XXIX. CAROLINE DODD TO MISS COX AT MISS MINCING'S ACADEMY, BLACK ROCK, IRELAND
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    The Moorg Thal.
+</h3>
+<p>
+My dear Miss Cox,&mdash;How happy would you be if only seated in the spot
+where I now write these lines! I am at an open window, the sill of which
+is a great rock, all covered with red-brown moss, and beneath, again,
+at some thirty feet lower, runs the clear stream of the Moorg River.
+Two gigantic mountains, clad in pine forests to the summits, enclose the
+valley, the view of which, however, extends to full two miles, showing
+little peeps of farmhouses and mills along the river's bank, and high
+upon a great bold crag, the ducal castle of Eberstein. The day is hot
+but not sultry, for a light summer breeze is playing over the water,
+and, high up, the clouds move slowly on, now casting broad masses of
+mellow shadow over the deep-tinted forest.
+</p>
+<p>
+The stream here falls over some masses of rock with a pleasant gushing
+music that harmonizes well with the songs of the peasant girls, who are
+what we should in Ireland call "beetling" their clothes in the water.
+On the opposite bank some mowers are seated at their dinner, under the
+shadow of a leafy horsechestnut-tree, and, far away in the distance, a
+wagon of the newly cut hay is traversing the river; the horses stop to
+drink, and the merry children are screaming their laughter from the top
+of the load. I hear them even here.
+</p>
+<p>
+That you may learn where I am, and how I have come hither, let me tell
+you that I am on a visit with Mrs. Morris, the mother of Captain M., at
+a little cottage they have taken for the season, about twelve miles from
+Baden, in a valley called the Moorg Thal. If its situation be the very
+perfection of picturesque choice, it contains within quite enough of
+accommodation for those who occupy it. The furniture, too, most
+simple though it be, is of that nice old walnut-wood, so bright
+and mellow-looking; and our little drawing-room is even handsomely
+ornamented by a richly carved cabinet and a centre-table, the support
+of which is a grotesque dwarf with four heads. Then we have a piano,
+a reasonably well-filled book-shelf, and a painter's easel, to which I
+turn at intervals, as I write, to give a passing touch of light to
+those trees now waving in the summer's wind, and which I destine, when
+finished, for my dear, dear governess. All the externals of rural life
+in Germany are highly picturesque,&mdash;I might almost call them poetic.
+The cottages, the costume, the little phrases in use amongst the people,
+their devotional offices, and, above all, their music, make up an ideal
+of country life such as I scarcely conceived possible to exist.
+</p>
+<p>
+There is, too, I am told,&mdash;for my imperfect knowledge of the language
+does not permit me to state the fact of myself,&mdash;an amount of
+information amongst the people seldom found in a similar class
+throughout the rest of Europe. I do not mean the peasantry here, but
+the dwellers in the small villages,&mdash;those, for instance, who follow
+handicrafts and small trades, and who are usually great readers and
+very acute thinkers. Denied almost entirely all access to that daily
+literature of newspapers on which our people feed, they fall back upon
+a very different class of writing, and are conversant with the works of
+their great prose and verse writers. Their thoughts are thus idealized
+to a degree; they themselves become assuredly less work-a-day and
+practical, but their hopes, their aspirations, and their ambitions
+take a higher flight than we could ever think possible from such humble
+resting-places. Mrs. Morris, who knew Germany many years ago, tells
+me that those fatal years of '48 and '49 have done them great injury.
+Suddenly called upon to act, in events and contingencies of which they
+derived all their knowledge from some parallels in remote history,
+they rushed into the excesses of a mediæval period, as the natural
+consequences of the position; and all the atrocities of bygone centuries
+were re-enacted by a people who are unquestionably the most docile and
+law-obeying of the whole Continent. They are now calming down again,
+and there is every reason to think that, if, unshaken by troubles from
+without or within, Germany will again be the happy land it used to be.
+</p>
+<p>
+Forgive me, my dear Miss Cox, if I grow tiresome to you, by a theme
+which now fills all my thoughts, and occupies so much of our daily
+talking. Captain M. has gone to England on some important matter of
+business, and the old lady is my only companion.
+</p>
+<p>
+Oh, how you would like her! and how capable you would be of appreciating
+traits and features of her mind, of which I, in my insufficiency, can
+but dimly catch the meaning. She is within a year or two of eighty, and
+yet with a freshness of heart and a brightness of intellect that would
+shame one of <i>my</i> age.
+</p>
+<p>
+The mellow gayety of heart that, surviving all the trials of life, lives
+on to remote age, hopeful in the midst of disappointments, trusting even
+when betrayed, is the most captivating trait that can adorn our poor
+nature. The spirit that can extract its pleasant memories from the past,
+forgetting all their bitterness, is truly a happy one. This she seems to
+do in all gratitude for what blessings remain to her, after a life not
+devoid of misfortune. She is devotedly attached to her son, who, in
+return, adores her. Probably no picture of domestic affection is more
+touching than that subsisting between a man already past youth and his
+aged and widowed mother,&mdash;the little tender attentions, the watchful
+kindnesses on both sides, those graceful concessions which each knows
+how and when to make of their own comfort, and, above all, that blending
+of tastes by which, at last, each learns to adopt some of the other's
+likings, and, even in prejudices, to become more companionable.
+</p>
+<p>
+To me, the happiness of my present life is greater than I can describe
+to you. The peaceful quietude of an existence on which no shocks obtrude
+is unspeakably delightful. If the weather forbid us to venture abroad,
+which on fine days we do for hours together, our home resources
+are numerous. The little cares of a household, amusing as they are,
+associated with so many little peculiar traits of nationality, help the
+morning to pass; after which I draw, or write, or play, or read aloud,
+mostly German, to the old lady. Whatever my occupation, be it at the
+easel, the desk, or the pianoforte, her criticisms are always good and
+just; for, strange to say, even on subjects of which she professes to
+know nothing, there is an instinctive appreciation of the right; and
+this would seem to result from an intense study, and deep love of
+nature. She herself was the first to show me that this was a charm which
+the Bible possessed in the most remarkable manner, and, unlike other
+literature, gave it the most uncommon value in the eyes of the humblest
+classes, who are from the very accidents of fortune the deep students
+of nature. The language whose illustrations are taken from objects and
+incidents that every peasant can confirm, has a direct appeal to a lowly
+heart; and there is a species of flattery to his intelligence in the
+fact that inspiration could not typify more strongly its conception than
+by analogies open to the lowliest son of labor.
+</p>
+<p>
+After this, she places Shakspeare, whose actual knowledge is miraculous,
+and whose immortality is based upon that very fact, since the true will
+be true to all ages and people; and, however men's minds may differ
+about the forms of expression, the fact will remain imperishable.
+According to her theory, Shakspeare understood human nature as learned
+men do an exact science,&mdash;where certain results must follow certain
+premises and combinations inevitably and of necessity. How otherwise
+explain that intimate acquaintance with the habits and modes of thought
+of classes of which he never made one? How account for the delineation
+of kingly feelings by him who scarcely saw the steps of a throne? "And
+yet," said Mrs. M., "Louis Philippe himself told me, that Shakspeare's
+kings were as true as his lovers. His Majesty once amused me much," said
+she, "by alluding to a passage in 'Hamlet,' which assuredly would
+never have occurred to me to notice. It is where the King and Queen
+are dismissing their attendants from further waiting. His Majesty says,
+'Thanks, Rosenkrantz, and gentle Guildenstern;' on which the Queen
+adds, 'Thanks, Guildenstern, and gentle Rosenkrantz.' 'Now,' said Louis
+Philippe, 'one almost should have been a queen to know that it was
+needful to balance the seeming preference of the Royal epithet, by
+inverting the phrase.'"
+</p>
+<p>
+While I ramble on thus, I may seem to be forgetting the subjects on
+which more properly I ought to dwell,&mdash;home and family. Our pursuit of
+greatness still continues, my dear Miss Cox. We are determined to
+be fine people; and I suppose, after all, that our shortcomings and
+disappointments are not greater than usually fall to the lot of those
+who aspire to what is beyond or above them. In England the gradations
+of rank are as fixed as the degrees of a service; and we, being who
+and what we are, could no more pretend to something else than could a
+subaltern pass off for a colonel to his own regiment. Here, however,
+there is a general scramble for position, and each seems to have the
+same privilege to call himself what he likes, that he exercises over
+the mere spelling of his name. I judge this to be the case from the
+anecdotes I have heard in society about the Count this, and the Baron
+that. Since papa's absence in the interior of Germany, whither he
+accompanied Mrs. Gore Hampton, to visit, I believe, some crowned head
+of her acquaintance, mamma has pursued a kind of royal progress towards
+greatness. Our style of living has been most expensive,&mdash;I might almost
+call it splendid. We have servants, horses, equipage,&mdash;everything, in
+fact, that appertains to a certain station, but one, and that one thing,
+unfortunately, is the grand requisite of all,&mdash;the air that belongs to
+it. The truth is, Miss Cox, as the old lawyer one day said at dinner
+to papa, "You prove too much, Mr. Dodd." That is exactly what mamma is
+doing. She dresses magnificently for small occasions; she insists too
+eagerly upon what she deems her due; and she is far too exclusive with
+respect to those who seek her acquaintanceship. Would you believe it,
+that though I am permitted to accept the kind hospitality which I at
+this moment enjoy, it is upon the condition that neither mamma nor Mary
+Anne are to "be dragged into the mire of low intimacies;" that Mrs.
+Morris is to be "Cary's friend." Proud am I, indeed, if she will deign
+to consider me such!
+</p>
+<p>
+I must acknowledge that mamma's "Wednesdays" collected all that was high
+and distinguished at Baden. We had the old Kurfurst of something, with a
+long white moustache, and thirty orders; an archduchess with a humpback,
+and a mediatized prince with one eye. There were generals, marshals,
+ministers, envoys, and plenipos without end,&mdash;"your Highness" and "your
+Excellency" were household words round our tea-table. But I often asked
+myself, "Are not these great folk paying off in falsehood the imposition
+we are practising upon <i>them?</i> Are they not laughing at the 'Dodds,' and
+their thousand solecisms in good breeding?" These would be very unworthy
+suspicions of mine if I did not feel convinced they were well founded;
+but more than once I have overheard chance words and phrases that have
+suffused my cheeks with "shame-red," as the Germans call it, for an hour
+after. Is it not an indignity to accept hospitality and requite it by
+ridicule? Is it not base to receive attentions, and repay them in scorn?
+</p>
+<p>
+Whether it is from feeling as I do on the subject or not, I cannot say,
+but James rarely or never appears at mamma's receptions. He is among
+what is called "a fast set;" but I always incline to think that his
+nature is not corrupted, though doubtless sullied, by the tone of
+society around us.
+</p>
+<p>
+You ask me about Mary Anne's appearance, and here I can speak without
+reserve or qualification. She is, indeed, the handsomest girl I ever
+saw; tall and well-proportioned, and with a carriage and a style about
+her that might grace a princess. A critic inclined to severity might say
+there was perhaps a slight tendency to haughtiness in the expression of
+the features, especially the mouth; the head, too, is a little, a very
+little, too much thrown back; but somehow these might be defects in
+another, and yet in her they seem to give a peculiar stamp and character
+to her beauty. All her gestures are grace itself, and her courtesy,
+save that it is a little too low, perfect. She speaks French and German
+fluently, and knows the precise title of some hundred acquaintances,
+every one of whom would be distracted if defrauded in the smallest coin
+of his rank. I need not say how superior all these gifts make her to
+your humble and unlettered correspondent. Yes, my dear Miss Cox, the
+French "irregulars" are the same puzzle to me they used to be, and
+my mind will no more carry me on to the verb at the end of the German
+sentence than will my feet bear me over fifty miles a day. I am the
+stupid Caroline of long ago, and what renders the case so hopeless is,
+with the best of dispositions to do otherwise.
+</p>
+<p>
+I am, however, improved in my painting, particularly in my use of color.
+I begin at last to recognize the merits of harmony in tint, and see how
+Nature herself always contrives to be correct. I hope you will like the
+little sketch that accompanies this; the rock in the foreground is the
+spot on which I sit at every sunset. Would that I had you beside me
+there, to counsel, to guide, and to correct me!
+</p>
+<p>
+When Captain Morris returns, I shall leave this, as Mrs. M. will not
+require my companionship any longer, although she is already planning
+twenty things we are to do then.
+</p>
+<p>
+Pray, therefore, write to me, as before, to Baden; and with my most
+affectionate regards to all who may remember me, and my dearest love to
+yourself,
+</p>
+<p>
+Believe me, yours ever,
+</p>
+<p>
+Caroline Dodd.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0034"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XXX. MISS MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+</h2>
+<p>
+My dearest Kitty,&mdash;It <i>was</i> our names you saw in the "Morning Post"!
+We are "The Dodd M'Carthys." It was no use deferring the decision for
+papa's return; and, as I observed to mamma, circumstances are often
+stronger than ourselves; for, in all likelihood, Louis Napoleon would
+not have declared the Empire so soon if it were not for the "Rouges,"
+or the Orléaniste, or the others. Events, in fact, pressed us from
+behind,&mdash;go forward we must; and so, like the distinguished authority
+I have mentioned, we accepted greatness, in the shape of our present
+designation.
+</p>
+<p>
+We took the great step on Monday evening last, and issued one hundred
+and thirty-eight cards for our Wednesday at home, as Madame Dodd
+M'Carthy. Of course, I conclude the new title was amply discussed
+and criticised; but, as James remarked, the <i>coup d'état</i> succeeded
+perfectly. He sent me three different bulletins during the day from
+"the Rooms," where he was engaged at play. The first was briefly:
+"Great excitement, and much curiosity as to the reasons. Causes
+assigned,&mdash;vague, various, and contradictory. Strict silence on my part"
+The second ran: "Funds rising rapidly,&mdash;confidence restored." The third
+was: "Victory&mdash;opposition crushed, annihilated&mdash;dynasty secure. Send a
+card at once to the Crown Prince of Dalmatia, at the 'Lion.' He is just
+come."
+</p>
+<p>
+Mamma's nervous tremors during this eventful day were dreadful. Nothing
+sustained her but a high consciousness, and some excellent curacoa.
+Every cry in the street, every chance commotion, the slightest
+assemblage, beneath our windows, she took for popular demonstrations.
+You know, my dearest Kitty, we live in really eventful times, and
+nobody can answer for how the mere populace will receive any attempts
+to recover ancient feudal privileges. I own to you, frankly, the attempt
+was a bold one. We, so to say, stemmed the foamy torrent of Democracy at
+its highest flood; but the moment was also propitious. Now or never was
+the time for nobility to raise its head again; and <i>we</i>, I am proud to
+say, have given the initiative to astonished Europe.
+</p>
+<p>
+From the hour that we took the great step, Kitty, I felt my heart rise
+with the occasion. My spirit seemed to say, "Swell to the magnitude of
+those grand proportions around you;" and I really felt myself, as it
+were, disenthralled from the narrow limits of a mere Dodd, and expanding
+to the wide realms of a M'Carthy! If you only knew the sufferings
+and heart-burnings that plebeian appellation has cost us! The hateful
+monosyllable seemed to drop down like a shell in the midst of a company;
+and often has it needed a fortnight's dinners and evening parties, in a
+new place, to overcome the horrid impression caused by the name of Dodd!
+</p>
+<p>
+Now, as it stands at present, it serves to give vigor and energy to
+the name. Dodd M'Carthy is like Gorman O'Moore, Grogan O' Dwyer, or any
+other of the patronymics of ancient Ireland.
+</p>
+<p>
+From the deep interest caused by this decisive step, I was obliged at
+once to turn to the details of our great reception to be held on
+the Wednesday following, for it was necessary that in splendor and
+distinction it should eclipse all that had preceded it. Happily for us,
+dearest Caroline was absent as well as papa; she had gone to spend a
+week with a tiresome old lady some miles away, and we were therefore
+relieved from the annoyance of that vexatious restraint imposed by the
+mere presence of those whose thoughts and ideas are never yours. I have
+already told you that she has taken up a completely mistaken line, and
+utterly destroyed any natural advantages she possessed. I told her so
+myself over and over; I reasoned and argued the question deliberately.
+"I see," said I, "your tastes are not those of high and fashionable
+society. You do not feel the instinctive fascination that comes of being
+admired by the distinguished classes. Your ambitions do not soar to
+those aristocratic regions whose atmosphere breathes of royalty. Be
+it so; there is another path open to you,&mdash;the sentimental and the
+romantic. Your hair suits it, your complexion, your figure, your style
+generally, will easily adapt themselves to the character. If not a part
+that attracts general admiration, it is one which never fails, in every
+society, to secure some favorable notice; and elder sons, educated
+either 'at home or in clergymen's families,' are constantly captured by
+its fascination." This, I must remark to you, Kitty, is perfectly true,
+and it is of great consequence frequently to have a woman that suits shy
+men, and saves them the much-dreaded exhibition of themselves by talking
+aloud. I told her all this, and I even condescended to use arguments
+derived from her own narrow views of life, by showing that it is a style
+requiring little expense in the way of dress,&mdash;ringlets and a white
+muslin "peignoir" of a morning, a broad-leaved straw hat for the
+promenade,&mdash;something, in short, of the very simplest kind, and no
+ornaments. No! my dearest Kitty, it was of no use! She is one of those
+self-opinionated girls that reason never appeals to. She coolly replied
+to me, that all this would be unreal and unnatural,&mdash;"a mere piece
+of acting," as she said, and, consequently, unworthy of her, and
+unbecoming. I repeat the very words of her reply, to show you the great
+benefits she has derived from foreign travel! Why, dearest Kitty, nobody
+is real,&mdash;nobody pretends to be real abroad; if they were to do so, they
+'d be shunned like wild beasts. What is it, I ask, that constitutes the
+very essence of high breeding? Conventional usages, forms of expression,
+courtesies, attentions, flatteries, and observances,&mdash;all stimulated,
+all put on, to please and captivate. Reject this theory, and instead
+of society, you have a mob; instead of a <i>salon</i>, you have a wild-beast
+"menagerie." Caroline says she is Irish; she might as well say she was
+Cochin-Chinese. Nobody can recognize any trait in that nationality
+but its uniform "savagery;" for I must tell you, Kitty, that Ireland
+itself&mdash;though politically deplored, pitied, and wept over, abroad&mdash;is
+encumbered by geographical doubts and difficulties like the North-West
+Passage. Many suppose it to be a town in the West of England; others
+fancy it a barren tract along the coast; and a few, whose sympathies
+are more acute for suffering nations, fancy it to be a species of penal
+settlement in an unknown latitude.
+</p>
+<p>
+If Caroline even developed the character&mdash;if she had, as the French
+say, <i>créé le rôle</i> of an Irish girl, what with eccentricities of dress,
+manner, and Moore's melodies, something might be made of it. It admits
+of all those extravagances that are occasionally admired, and any
+amount of liberty with the male sex. Cary's reading of the part was very
+different; it was neither poetic nor pictorial; in fact, it was a
+mere vulgar piece of commonplace devotion to home and its tiresome
+associations, and a clinging attachment to whatever recalled memories
+of our former obscurity,&mdash;these "national traits" being eked out with a
+most insolent contempt for the foreigner, and a compassionate sorrow for
+the patience with which <i>we</i> endured him.
+</p>
+<p>
+Pardon me, my dearest friend, if I weary you with this unpleasant theme;
+but I wish to satisfy your mind that if my sisterly affection be strong,
+it still does not tyrannize over my reason, and that increased powers of
+judgment, if they elevate the understanding, are frequently exercised at
+the cost of our tenderest feelings.
+</p>
+<p>
+To come back to the point whence I started, "our Wednesday"&mdash;and this,
+by the way, enables me to answer some of the questions in your last You
+ask about my admirers; you shall have the catalogue as lately revised
+and corrected, though I scarcely flatter myself that the names will
+admit of vocal repetition. First, then, there is the Neapolitan Prince
+Sierra d'Aquila Nero, whom I already mentioned to you in one of my
+letters from Brussels. In my then innocence of the Continent I thought
+him charming, so impassioned, so poetical, and so perfumed. Now, Kitty,
+I find him an intolerable old bore; he is upwards of seventy, but
+so painted, patched, and plastered as to pass off panoramically for
+five-and-forty. He affects all the habits and even the vices of young
+men. He keeps saddle-horses that he dare not ride, and hires a "chasse,"
+though he never fires a gun; and lastly, issues from his hairdresser's
+shop, at intervals, with a wig of shortened proportions, coolly alleging
+that he has just had his hair cut! When he drives out of an evening, the
+whole Allée reeks of "Bergamot," and the flutter of his handkerchief is
+a tornado in the Spice Islands. Need I say that <i>his</i> chance is at zero?
+Count Rastuchewitsky, a Russian Pole, comes next,&mdash;at least, in order of
+seniority; a short, stern-looking man, of about fifty, with a snow-white
+beard and moustache, with abrupt manners, and an unpleasant voice. I
+believe that he only pays me any attention because he sees the Prince do
+so, for he hates all Italians, and tries to thwart them in everything.
+The Count's great claim to distinction rests upon his father, or mother,
+I forget which, having helped to assassinate the Emperor Paul,&mdash;a piece
+of chivalry that he dwells on unceasingly.
+</p>
+<p>
+The Chevalier de Courcelles makes "No. Three," and thirty years ago he
+might have been very presentable; but he belongs to a school even older
+than his time. He is of the Richelieu order, and seems to be always in
+a terrible fright about the effect of his own powers of fascination: his
+constant effort being to show you that he really is not fond of
+making victims. There is a German Graf von Herren-shausen, a large,
+yellow-bearded, blear-eyed monster, with a frogged coat and a huge
+pipe-stick projecting from the hind pock et, who kisses my hand whenever
+we meet, and leers at me from the whist-table&mdash;for, happily, he is past
+dancing&mdash;like a Ghoul in an Eastern tale. There are a vast number of
+others, one or two of whom I reserve for favorable mention hereafter;
+but these are the true "prétendants," of which number, I believe, I
+might select the one which pleases me best.
+</p>
+<p>
+Amongst "home productions," as you term them, I may mention the
+Honorable Sackville Cavendish,&mdash;a thin, pale, white-eyebrowed babe of
+diplomacy, that smallest of Foreign Office infants yclept an "unpaid
+attaché." He has just emerged from the "nursery" at Downing Street,
+and is really not strong enough to go alone. I have supported him in
+an occasional polka, and "hustled him," as James called it, through a
+waltz, and have in turn received the meed of his admiration as expressed
+in the most lacklustre eyes that ever glittered out of a doll's head;
+and, lastly, there is Mister Milo Blake O'Dwyer, who formerly&mdash;O'Connell
+régnante&mdash;represented the town of Tralee in Parliament, and who now,
+with altered fortunes, performs the duty of Foreign Correspondent to
+that great news-paper, "The Sledge Hammer op Freedom."
+</p>
+<p>
+Perhaps I 'm not strictly correct in enrolling him amongst the number of
+my worshippers; with more rigid justice, I believe he belongs to mamma;
+at least he's in constant attendance upon her, and continually assures
+me, with upturned eyes and a smack of the lip, that she is a "gorgeous
+woman," and "wonderfully preserved!" This worthy individual is really
+a curiosity; since being in manner, exterior, knowledge, and fortune
+totally deficient of all those aids which achieve success in society,
+he has actually contrived, by the bare force of impudence, to move with,
+and be received by, persons in the very first ranks. Foreigners, I must
+tell you, Kitty, conceive the most ridiculous notions of England; one of
+the most popular of which is that more than one-half of our government
+is carried on by newspaper writing, the minister contributing his
+sentiments one day, some individual of the public replying the next.
+Now, the illustrious Milo takes every opportunity of propping up this
+fallacy, while he represents himself as the very bone and sinew of all
+English opinion on the Continent. To believe him, no foreign prince or
+potentate could raise a sixpence on loan till he subscribes the scheme.
+How many an appropriation of territory have his warnings arrested? From
+what cruelties has he saved the Poles? What a crisis did his pen achieve
+in the fortunes of Hungary! And then the bushels of diamond snuff-boxes
+that he has thrown from him with disgust, the heaps of orders that he
+has rejected with proud scorn! As he says himself, "Haven't I more power
+than them all? When I send off my article to the 'Sledge,' don't I see
+them trembling and shaking for what's coming? Ay, says I to myself,
+haughty enough you look to-day, but won't I expose your Majesty, won't I
+lay bare the cruelties of your prisons and the infamy of your spies! And
+your Eminence, too, how silky you are; but I know you well, and I 've a
+copy of the last rescript you sent over to Ireland! Don't be afraid, my
+little darling; never mind the puppies that hissed you at Parma, I 'll
+make your fortune in London. A word from me to Lumley, and it's as good
+as five thousand pounds in the bank!"
+</p>
+<p>
+It really gives me a great notion of the glut of genius that we possess
+in England, when you see a man whose qualifications are great in war
+and peace; whose knowledge ranges over the world of politics, religion,
+literature, fine arts, and the drama; who knows mankind to perfection,
+and understands statecraft to a miracle, with no higher nor prouder
+position than that of writing for the "Sledge." It is but fair to own
+that he has been of great service to us here. The hardest thing to find
+in the world is some person of pushing habits and impudent address,
+who will speak of you at all times and in all companies, doing for
+you, socially, what, in the world of trade, is accomplished by huge
+advertisements and red-lettered placards. Now, one really cannot stick
+up on the walls great announcements of "unrivalled attraction," the
+"positively last night but one" of Mrs. Dodd's great <i>soirées</i> and so
+on, but you can come pretty nigh the same result by a little tact and
+management. A few insignificant commissions about camellias, a change of
+arrangement about the fiddles, intrusted to him, and Milo was prepared
+to go forth, trumpet in hand, for us, from day to dark. Woe to the
+luckless wight that hadn't got a card for our "Evening"! the obligation
+Milo would place him under was a bond debt for life. Then he contrived
+to know everybody; and though he made sad hash of their names, they only
+smiled at his blunders.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have heard that a great English minister one day confessed that the
+only exaction of office he never could thoroughly reconcile himself to,
+was the nature of those persons he was occasionally obliged to employ
+as subordinates. I suppose that, without being leader of a cabinet,
+everybody must have experienced something or other of this kind in life.
+</p>
+<p>
+I think I hear you ask, "Where is the Ritter von Wolfensbafer all this
+time? What has become of <i>him?</i>" you say. You really are very tiresome,
+dearest Kitty, with your little poisonous allusions to "old loves,"
+former attachments, and so on. As to the Ritter, however, I heard from
+him yesterday; he cannot, it seems, come to Baden; his father is not
+on terms with the Grand-Duke, and he strictly charges me not to mention
+their names to any one. His letter repeats the invitation to us all to
+spend some weeks at the "Schloss,"&mdash;an arrangement which might, very
+possibly, suit our plans well, since, when the season ends here, it is
+still too early to go into winter quarters; and one is sorely puzzled
+what to do with the late autumn, which is as wearisome as the time one
+passes in the drawing-room before dinner. Of course we must await pa's
+return, to reply to this invitation; and I incline to say we shall
+accept it. Why will you be so silly as to remind me of the follies of my
+childhood? Are there no naughtinesses of the nursery you can rake up to
+record? You know as well, if not better than myself, that the attentions
+you allude to could never have been seriously meant! nor could Dr. B.
+believe them such, if not totally deficient in those qualities of good
+sense and judgment for which I always have given him credit. I will not
+say that, in the artless gayety of infancy, I have not amused myself
+with the mock devotion he proffered; but you might as well reproach
+me with fickleness for not taking a child's interest any longer in the
+nursery games that once delighted me, as for not sustaining my share in
+this absurd illusion!
+</p>
+<p>
+I plainly perceive one thing, Kitty,&mdash;the gentleman in question has very
+little pride; but even <i>that</i> in your eyes, may be an excellence,
+for you have discovered innumerable merits in his character under
+circumstances which, I am constrained to own, have failed to impress me
+with a suitable degree of interest. The subject is so very unpleasant,
+however, that I must beg it may never be reopened between us; and if you
+really feel for him so acutely as you say, I can only suggest that you
+should hit upon some plan of consolation perfectly independent of any
+aid from your attached friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+Mary Anne.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0035"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XXXI. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+</h2>
+<p>
+My dearest Kitty,&mdash;Another delay, and more "last words"! I had thought
+that my poor epistle was already miles on the way towards you, wafted
+by the sighs of my heaving heart, but I now discover that Mr. Cavendish
+will not send off his bag to the Foreign Office before Saturday, as the
+Grand-Duke wants to send over some guinea-pigs to the royal children, so
+that I shall detain this till that day, and perhaps be able to tell
+you of a great "picnic" we are planning to the Castle of Eberstein
+for Thursday next. It is one of the things everybody does here, and
+of course we must not omit it. James talks of the expense as terrific,
+which really comes with an ill grace from one who wagers fifty, or even
+sixty, Napoleons on a card! Besides, a "picnic" is an association, and
+the whole cost cannot fall to the share of an individual. The Great Milo
+begs that we will leave everything to him, and I feel assured that it is
+the wisest course we can adopt, not to speak of the advantage of seeing
+the whole festivity glowingly described in the columns of the "Sledge."
+The Princess Sloboffsky has just driven to the door, so I must conclude
+for the present. I come back to say that the picnic is fixed for
+Thursday, the number to be, by special request of the Princess, limited
+to forty,&mdash;the list to be made out this evening. "Mammas" to go in open
+carriages,&mdash;young ladies horseback or ass-back,&mdash;men indiscriminately;
+no more at present decided on. I am wild with delight at the pleasure
+before us. Would you were one of us, dearest Kitty!
+</p>
+<p>
+Thursday Morning. Oh, Kitty, what a day! It might be December in London.
+The rain is swooping down the mountain sides, and the wind howling
+fearfully. It is now seven o'clock, and my maid, Augustine, has called
+me to get up and dress. Mamma has had two notes already, which, being in
+French, she is waiting for me to read and reply to. I 'll hasten to see
+what they mean.
+</p>
+<p>
+One of the "billets" is from the Duchesse de Sargance, merely asking the
+question, "Que faire?" The other is from the Princess Sloboffsky, who,
+in consideration "for all the trouble mamma has been put to," deems
+it better to go at all events, and that we can dine at the Grand-Ducal
+Schloss, instead of on the grass. This reads ominously in one sense,
+Kitty, and seems to imply that <i>we</i> are giving the entertainment
+ourselves; but I must keep this suspicion to myself, or we should have
+a terrible exposure. When an evil becomes inevitable, patient submission
+is the true philosophy.
+</p>
+<p>
+Ten o'clock. What an animated, I might almost call it a stormy, debate
+we have just had in the drawing-room! The assembled lieges have been all
+discussing the proposed excursion,&mdash;if that can be called discussion,
+where everybody screamed out his own opinion, and nobody listened to his
+neighbor. The two parties for and against going divided themselves into
+the two sexes,&mdash;the men being for staying where we are, the ladies as
+clamorously declaring for the road. Of course the "Ayes" had it, and we
+are now putting the whole house in requisition for cloaks, mantles, and
+mackintoshes. The half-dozen men for whom no place can be made in coach
+or "calèche" are furious at having to ride. I half suspect that some
+attachments whose fidelity has hitherto defied time and years, will
+yield to-day before the influence of mere water. The truth is, Kitty,
+foreigners dread it in every shape. They mix a little of it now and then
+with their wine, and they rather like to see it in fountains and "jets
+d'eau," but there ends all the acquaintance they ever desire to maintain
+with the pure element.
+</p>
+<p>
+I must confess that the aspect of the "outsiders" is suggestive
+of anything rather than amusement. They stand to be muffled and
+waterproofed like men who, having resigned themselves to an inevitable
+fate, have lost all interest in the preliminaries that conduct to it.
+They are, as it were, bound for the scaffold, and they have no care for
+the shape of the "hurdle" that is to draw them thither. The others, who
+have secured inside places, are overwhelmingly civil, and profuse in all
+the little attentions that cost nothing, nor exact any sacrifice. I have
+seen no small share of national character this morning, and if I had
+time could let you into some secrets about it.
+</p>
+<p>
+The arrangement of the company&mdash;that is, who is to go with whom&mdash;is
+our next difficulty. There are such intricacies of family history, such
+subtle questions of propriety to be solved, we 'd not get away under
+a year were we to enter upon half of them. As a general rule, however,
+ladies ought not to be packed up in the same coach with the husbands
+from whom they have been for years separated, nor people with deadly
+feuds between them to be placed <i>vis-à-vis</i>. As to the attractive
+principles, the cohesionary elements, Kitty, are more puzzling still,
+since none but the parties themselves know where the minds are simulated
+and where real.
+</p>
+<p>
+Milo has taken a great part of this arrangement upon his own hands, and,
+from what I can see, with his accustomed want of success in all
+matters of tact and delicacy. Of this, however, he is most beautifully
+unconscious, and goes about in the midst of muttered execrations with
+the implicit belief of being a benefactor of the human race. I wish you
+could see the self-satisfied chuckle of his greasy laugh, or could hear
+his mumbled "Maybe I don't know what ye 'r after, my old lady. Have
+n't I put the little Count with the green spectacles next you; don't I
+understand the cross looks ye 'r giving me? Ah, Mademoiselle, never fear
+me, I have in my eye for you,&mdash;a wink is enough for Milo Blake any day.
+Yes, my darling, I 'm looking for him this minute." These and such-like
+mutterings will show you the spirit of his ministering; and when I
+repeat that he makes nothing but blunders, you may picture to yourself
+the man. He has appointed himself on mamma's staff; and as I go with
+the Princess and the Count Boldourouki, I shall see no more of him for a
+while.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is quite clear, Kitty, that we are the entertainers, though how it
+came to be so, I cannot even guess. Some blunder, I suspect, of this
+detestable Milo; and James will do nothing whatever. He is still in bed,
+and, to all my entreaties to get up, merely says that he'll be with
+us at dinner. The hampers of proggery will fill two carriages, and
+a charette with the champagne in ice is already sent forward. Three
+cooks&mdash;for such, I am told, are three gentlemen in black coats and
+white neckcloths&mdash;are to accompany us; and the whole preparations are
+evidently got up in the "very first style," and "totally regardless of
+expense."
+</p>
+<p>
+Twelve o'clock. Another dilemma. There is only one "bus" in the town;
+and as none of the band will sit outside in this terrible weather, what
+is to be done? Milo proposes billeting them, singly, here and there,
+through the carriages; but the bare mention has excited a rebellion
+amongst the equestrians, who will not consent to be treated worse than
+the fiddlers! The Commissary of Police has just sent to know if we have
+obtained "a ministerial permission to assemble in vast numbers and for
+objects unnamed." I have got one of the German nobles to settle this
+difficulty, which, in Milo's hands,&mdash;if he only heard of it,&mdash;might
+become formidable.
+</p>
+<p>
+Happily, he is now engaged "telling off" the band, and selecting from
+the number such as we can find room to accommodate. The permission has
+been accorded, the carriages are drawing up, the guests are taking their
+seats, we are ready,&mdash;we are off.
+</p>
+<p>
+Saturday Morning. Dearest Kitty,&mdash;Mr. Cavendish has just sent me word
+that the courier will start in half an hour, so that I have only time
+for a few lines. Gloomily as the day broke yesterday, its setting at
+evening was infinitely sadder and more sorrowful. Never did a prospect
+of pleasure prove more delusive; never did a scene of enjoyment
+terminate more miserably.
+</p>
+<p>
+Tears of anguish, of passion, and of shame blot my words as I write
+them. You must not ask me to describe the course of events, when my
+mind has but room for the sad catastrophe that closed them; but in a few
+brief lines I will endeavor to convey to you what occurred.
+</p>
+<p>
+Our journey to Eberstein, from being all up hill and over roads terribly
+cut up by the weather, was a slow process. The procession, some of the
+riders remarked, had a most funereal look, winding along up the zig-zags
+of the mountain, and on a day which assuredly suggested few thoughts of
+pleasure. I can only answer for my own companions; but they, I am bound
+to say, were in the very worst of tempers the whole way, discussing the
+whole plot of the excursion with&mdash;considering mamma's share in it&mdash;a
+far greater degree of candor than politeness. They ridiculed picnics in
+general; pronounced them vulgar, tiresome, and usually "failures." They
+insinuated that they were the resources of people who felt more at ease
+in the semi-civilized scramble of a country party than amid the more
+correct courtesies of daily life! As to the "dîner sur l'herbe" itself,
+it was a shocking travesty of a real dinner. Spiders and cockroaches
+settled in your soup, black beetles bathed in your champagne, wasps
+contested your fruit with you, and you were lucky if you did not carry
+back a scorpion or a snake in your pocket. Then the company came in for
+its share of comment. So many people crept in that nobody knew, nobody
+acknowledged, and apparently nobody had invited. You always, they
+said, found that all your objectionable acquaintances dated from these
+parties. Lastly, they were excursions which no weather suited, no toilet
+became! If it were hot, the sufferings of sun-scorching and mosquitoes
+were insufferable. If it proved bad and rainy, they were in the sad
+situation of that very moment! As to dress, who could fix upon a costume
+to be becoming in the morning, graceful in the afternoon, and fresh and
+radiant at night? In a word, Kitty, they said so much, and so forcibly,
+that nothing but great constraint upon my feelings saved me from asking,
+"Why, in Heaven's name, could they have consented to come upon
+an excursion every detail of which was a sorrow, and every step a
+suffering?"
+</p>
+<p>
+No other theme, however, divided attention with this calamitous one;
+and as we toiled languidly up the mountain-side, you can fancy with what
+pleasant feelings the way was beguiled.
+</p>
+<p>
+At last we reached the castle; but fresh disappointment here awaited us.
+Although parties were admitted to see the Schloss and the grounds, they
+could not obtain leave to dine anywhere within the precincts. We begged
+hard for a room in the porter's lodge, the laundry, the stable, even
+the hayloft! but all without success. We at length capitulated for a
+moss-house, where the rain came filtering down through a network of
+foliage and birds'-nests; but even this was refused. What was to be
+done? The army was now little short of mutiny; a violent debate was
+carried on from carriage windows; and strong partisans of particular
+opinions went slopping about, with tucked-up trousers and huge
+umbrellas, trying to enforce their own views! Some were for an equitable
+distribution of the eatables on the spot,&mdash;"Food Commissaries," as the
+Germans expressed it, being chosen, to allot the victuals to each coach;
+some were for a forcible entry into the castle, and an occupation by
+dint of arms; others voted for a return to Baden; and lastly, a small
+section, which gradually grew in power and persuasiveness, suggested
+that, by descending the opposite side of the mountain, we should reach a
+little inn in the Moorg Thal, much frequented by fishermen, and where we
+were sure to find shelter at least, if not something more. The "Anglers'
+Rest" was now adopted as our goal; and thither we started, with some
+slight tinge of renewed hope and pleasure.
+</p>
+<p>
+Our journey <i>down</i> was nearly as slow as that <i>up</i> the mountain; for
+the steep descent required the greatest caution, with heavily laden
+and jaded horses. It was, therefore, already dark when we reached
+the "Anglers' Rest." All that I could see of this "hostel," from the
+rain-streaked glasses of the carriage, was a small one-storied house,
+built over the stream of a small but rapid river. Mountains, half
+wrapped in mists, and seeming to smoke with the steam of hot rain,
+environed the spot on all sides, which probably, in fine weather, would
+have been picturesque and even pretty.
+</p>
+<p>
+"We are destined to be unlucky to-day, Princess," said a young French
+marquis, approaching, our carriage. "This miserable 'guinguette,' it
+seems, is full of people, who are by no means disposed to yield the
+place to us."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Who are they,&mdash;what are they?" asked she, in haughty astonishment at
+their contumacy.
+</p>
+<p>
+"They are, I believe, some young tradesfolk, on what is called in
+Germany the 'Wander-Jahre,'&mdash;that travelling probation that municipal
+law dictates to native handicraft."
+</p>
+<p>
+"But, surely, when they hear who we are&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Graf Adelberger has been eloquently explaining that to them the last
+ten minutes, and the Baron von Badenschwill has told them of his
+eighteen quarterings; but though they have consented to drink his
+health, they will not abdicate the territory."
+</p>
+<p>
+Here was a pretty proof of what the years '48 and '49 had done for the
+Continent of Europe, and maybe Blum, Kossuth, Mazzini, and Co., didn't
+come in for their share! To think of creatures&mdash;shoemakers, who could
+assure us they were, might be tailors&mdash;daring to proclaim that they
+preferred their own ease and comfort to that of carriages full of
+unknown but titled individuals!
+</p>
+<p>
+"It's impossible!" "Incredible!" "Fabulous!" "Infamous!" "Monstrous!"
+were expressions screamed from carriage to carriage, while telegraphic
+signs of horror and amazement were exchanged from window to window. "Did
+they know who we were?" "Do they know who <i>I</i> am?" were the questions
+incessantly pouring forth. Alas! they had heard it all. There was not a
+claim we could prefer to greatness that they had not before them, and,
+alas! they remained inexorable!
+</p>
+<p>
+Deputations of various nations went in, and came back baffled and
+unsuccessful. The "Burschen," as they were called, were at that very
+moment impatiently waiting for their own supper, and seemed to verify
+the adage of the ill result of arguing with hungry men. Milder and more
+practicable counsels now began to prevail amongst us, and some even of
+the most conservative hinted at compromise and accommodation. What if we
+were to share with some of the vast abundance that we had with us? What
+if we tried bribery? The "Food Commissaries" assured us that even after
+the most liberal allowance for our wants we could feed a moderately
+sized village.
+</p>
+<p>
+The proposal was therefore framed, and two Germans of high rank
+persuaded&mdash;sorely against their prejudices and inclination&mdash;to convey it
+to "Das Volk,"&mdash;the populace. It seemed as though the memorable years I
+have referred to had taught some curious lessons in popular force; for
+the demands of the masses indicated strength and power. They stipulated,
+first, that they should hold the kitchen; secondly, that the meats
+assigned them should be set before them uncut; and lastly, that none of
+our servants were to be quartered on the table. Here was the "Monarchy
+of the Middle Classes" proudly enunciated; and, I assure you, many
+excellent things were said by all of us,&mdash;not only upon the past and the
+present, but on "what we were coming to!"
+</p>
+<p>
+If I weary you with this detail, Kitty, it is that you may sympathize
+with me in the fatigue the long discussion inflicted. We were fully
+three-quarters of an hour at the door ere the treaty was concluded. Then
+came the descent from the carriages, the unpacking of the eatables, the
+unrolling of the life-mummies that were to consume them, which, wrapped
+up as they were in soaked drapery, was a long process. I shall not delay
+you with an account of the distribution of the proggery, but content
+myself with stating that the two deputies accredited by the "Trades'"
+union to receive their share, acknowledged that we behaved not only
+well, but with munificence; since not only did we bestow upon them the
+grosser material of a meal, but many of the higher refinements of a
+great entertainment; in particular, a large game pasty, representing a
+feudal fortress, with a flag waving over it, on which the enthusiastic
+cook had inscribed the words, "Hoch Lebe die Dodd," or "the Dodd
+forever." It was a vulgar dish, Kitty, and by my own special diplomacy
+was it consigned to the second table.
+</p>
+<p>
+At length we were seated at table, but only for new disappointment.
+Milo, in telling off the band, had made the irreparable blunder of
+leaving all the flute, clarionet, and horn players behind; and there
+we were, with kettle-drums, trombones, and ophocleides enough to have
+stunned a garrison. They could beat a "générale," it is true, but there
+ended their orchestral powers. This stupid mistake, however, gave room
+for laughter, and, in spite of our annoyance, we laughed at it long and
+heartily.
+</p>
+<p>
+I am spared the painful task of recording the catastrophe of our story,
+by a message from Mr. Cavendish, to say that the courier is starting.
+Indeed, his carriage is now at the door, and I must say, Kitty, that
+the handsomest men in our diplomacy are the Mercuries. They dress
+so becomingly too,&mdash;something between a hussar and Lord Byron; their
+pelisses of rich furs, their slashed frocks, and Polish caps harmonizing
+beautifully with their mingled air of intrepidity and gentleness.
+</p>
+<p>
+Mr. Dudley Vignerton, who takes this, is remarkably
+good-looking,&mdash;something of George Canning, with a dash of Count
+d'Orsay. I wish, however, he would let me finish these few lines
+in peace, for he keeps on complimenting me about my hair, and my
+handwriting, and I don't know what besides. He offers also to bring me
+shoes from Paris, for really Germany is too bad!
+</p>
+<p>
+He is a strange man, Kitty, and I regret not to see more of him;
+he looks at once so bland and so determined. He tells me that the
+adventurous nature of the life he leads makes a man at once daring and
+enduring,&mdash;about equal parts lamb and lion. Don't you wish to see him?
+Yours, in great haste,
+</p>
+<center>
+M. A. D.
+</center>
+<a name="2H_4_0036"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XXXII. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQ., TRINITY COLLEGE,
+</h2>
+<center>
+DUBLIN.
+</center>
+<p>
+"The Fox," Lichtenthal.
+</p>
+<p>
+My dear Bob,&mdash;I promised to give you the earliest intelligence of the
+governor's return; and this is to inform you that the agreeable incident
+in question occurred on Wednesday last, accompanied, however, by
+circumstances which I must call "atténuantes," that is to say,
+considerably impairing the felicitous character of the event We&mdash;that
+is, the Dodd M'Carthy portion of the family, for so we had already
+constituted ourselves&mdash;had organized a most stunning picnic; one of
+those entertainments which are the great facts of the season, just as
+certain battles are the grand incidents of a campaign: we had secured
+everything that Baden contained of company and <i>cuisine</i>, and we did not
+leave a turkey, a truffle, nor a titled individual in the whole village.
+</p>
+<p>
+La Mère Dodd had, in fact, resolved on one of those great <i>coups de
+tête</i>, which, in the social as in the political world, are needed to
+terminate a difficult position, and, as the journalists say in France,
+"legitimize the situation." How I love a phrase that permits one to
+escape the pettiness of a personal detail by some grand and sweeping
+generality!
+</p>
+<p>
+The picnic is to the fashionable world what a general election is in
+that of politics. It is a brief orgie, in which each condescends to
+acquaintanceship, or even intimacy, without in the slightest degree
+pledging himself to future consequences. You, as it were, pass out of
+the conventional limit of ordinary life, and take a "day rule" for
+indiscretions. The natural consequence is that people will come to you
+in this way that no efforts could seduce into your house; and the great
+lady, who would scorn your attentions on a Turkey carpet, will suffer
+you to carve her chicken, and fill her champagne glass, when seated on
+the grass. "Oh! I don't know him. I saw him somewhere,&mdash;on a steamer, or
+at a picnic, perhaps." This spoken, with a stare of ineffable unconcern,
+is the extent of the recognition accorded to you after. At first, when
+you call to mind the way you struggled to get her sherry, how you fought
+for the lobster, and descended to actual meanness for the mustard,
+you are disposed to fancy yourself the most injured, and her the most
+ingrate of mankind; but you soon learn to perceive that this is the law
+of these cases, and that you are not worse treated than your fellows.
+</p>
+<p>
+I leave you to conjecture why we deemed a picnic an essential stroke of
+policy. I assure you it was a question well and maturely discussed
+in our cabinet We knew it to be a measure from which there was no
+retreating when once entered upon; we also knew that the governor's
+return would utterly render such a course impossible. It was now or
+never with us. Would that it had been never! But to proceed. Everything,
+even from the start, promised badly; the day broke in torrents of rain;
+it was like one of those days of Irish picnic at the "Dargle," where a
+drowned family squat under a hedge to eat soaked sandwiches. We set
+out, in bad humor, determined to "take our pleasure excursion" under
+difficulties; a proceeding about as sensible as that of a man who,
+having sprained his ankle on his way to a ball, still insists upon
+waltzing. At Eberstein, where we had purposed to dine, they would not
+admit us. It is a royal residence, and although usually there was no
+permission necessary for parties wishing to pass the day there, an order
+from the court had closed the castle against all picnicaries,&mdash;a
+fact not made more palatable to us by the information that it was the
+misconduct of some interesting individuals of the family of the Simkins,
+the Popkins, or the Perkins, which had provoked the edict in question.
+And here I must say, Bob,&mdash;and I say it in deep sorrow,&mdash;that we are
+either grossly calumniated abroad, or else very grievous faults attach
+to us, since every scratched picture, every noseless statue, every
+chipped relic, and every flawed marble is sure of being assigned to the
+work of English fingers. I repeat, I have no means of knowing if the
+accusation be wrongful or not; at all events, I conclude it to be
+greatly exaggerated beyond truth. If scratching and mutilating, "the
+chalking and maiming acts" against works of art, be popular practices of
+travellers generally, it follows that, as we English supply a very large
+majority of the earth's vagabonds, a vast number of these offences must
+fall to our share; but I sincerely hope we do not deserve our wholesale
+reputation, nor possess any exclusive patent for barbarism. I argue the
+point as the priest used to do at home about Catholics and Protestants,
+when he triumphantly asked, "Why white-faced sheep eat more than
+black-faced:" and having puzzled us all, answered, "Because there are
+more of them!" And that's the reason the English commit more breaches of
+decorum than their neighbors. Rely upon it, Bob, the simple illustration
+is very widely applicable; and whenever you hear of our derelictions
+abroad, please to remember it.
+</p>
+<p>
+As we could not gain admittance to Eberstein, it became a grand subject
+of debate what to do. The prudent said, "Go back." Is it not strange,
+Bob? but there is an almost stereotyped uniformity in wise counsellors,
+and that whenever a difficulty arises in life, they all cry out, "Go
+back!" I conclude that this is the whole secret of the Tory party, and
+that all the reputation they have acquired of "safe," "prudent," and
+so forth, has no other basis than this simple maxim. Upon the present
+occasion, "the Progresistas" carried the day,&mdash;we went on!
+</p>
+<p>
+A little wayside inn&mdash;the resort of a few summer visitors&mdash;was to be our
+destination; but when we arrived there, it was to find the house crammed
+with a most motley rabble,&mdash;a set of those wandering artisans which,
+from some singular notion of her own upon the virtues of vagabondism,
+Germany sends forth broadcast over her whole land; the law requiring
+that each tradesman should travel for a year, or, in some states, two
+years, before he can obtain permission from the municipality of his own
+town to reside at home. Now, as these individuals are rarely or never
+persons of independent fortune, but rather of scanty and precarious
+means, the "Wander-Jahre," as the year of travel is called, is usually
+a series of events vibrating between roguery and begging, and at all
+events little conducive to those habits of orderly, patient industry
+which, in England at least, are deemed the highest qualities of a
+laboring man.
+</p>
+<p>
+Wherever you travel in Germany you are certain to find droves of these
+people on the road, their heavy knapsacks covered with an undressed
+calf-skin, and usually decorated at either extremity by a Wellington
+boot, "pendant," but not "proper," their long pipes and longer beards,
+their well-tuned voices,&mdash;for they always sing,&mdash;and, lastly, their
+unblushing appeals to your charity, proclaim them to be "Lehre-Junge,"
+or apprentices. But you must not fall into the absurd mistake of one
+of our well-known English writers on Germany, who has called them
+travelling students, and thereupon moralized long and learnedly on
+the poverty of life and the cheapness of education in that country.
+Occasionally, it is true, a student of the very humblest class will
+associate himself with the "youths;" but even he will be the exception,
+and the university to which he belongs one of the very lowest in rank.
+I should ask your forgiveness for this long and wide digression, my dear
+Bob, were it not that I know that whenever I speak of matters which are
+new and unfamiliar to you, I am at least as interesting as by any purely
+personal history. You would like to hear a thousand traits of foreign
+life and manners, far better than I am capable of communicating them.
+</p>
+<p>
+Our inn, as I have said, was full of these "gents," and no persuasion
+of ours, no threats, nor any flatteries, could induce them to vacate the
+territory in our favor. In fact, they presumed to reason upon the case,
+on the absurd presumption that rain would wet and wind chill them, and
+positively resisted all our assurances to the contrary.
+</p>
+<p>
+We ended by a compromise; they gave us the parlor, and retired to the
+kitchen, we purchasing the concession by sundry articles of consumption,
+such as fowls, ham, preserves, and a pasty, to be by them devoured as
+their own proper and peculiar prog. The selection, which was made by a
+special commission named by both sides, was rather an amusing process,
+though probably prolonged a little beyond the limits of ordinary
+patience. At length the treaty was concluded, the price paid, the
+territory evacuated, and we sat down ourselves to table, I will not
+say in the very happiest of humors, for throughout the whole of the
+negotiation our pride and self-esteem were at each moment receiving the
+very rudest buffets, princes, dukes, counts, and barons as we were! It
+was a sore lesson we were acquiring; and as a great man of our party
+remarked, "The canaille had apparently been taught little or nothing
+by the last two years,"&mdash;a fact not so difficult to entertain when one
+remembers that those whose education is conducted by grape and musketry
+are seldom left to evidence the advantages of the system, and the
+survivors are the "naughty boys who have learned nothing."
+</p>
+<p>
+Our first disappointment was rather a laughable one, though certes in
+itself a bore. In the hurry of leaving Baden, a selection of the town
+band of musicians was made, as we had not carriage-room for the whole;
+but by ill-luck it was the rejected we had taken, and there we were
+with drums, cymbals, trombones, and an ophocleide, but not a flute,
+flageolet, or a French horn! You may fancy the attempt to perform the
+overture to "William Tell" with such appliances. Crash after crash it
+went, drowned in our own uproarious laughter, or louder cries of horror
+and disgust. We had scarcely rallied, some from the amusement, others
+from the annoyance produced by this event, when a tremendous uproar
+outside the door attracted our attention. It sounded like an attempt
+being made to establish a forcible entry into our apartment, and
+vigorous resistance offered. So it proved, by the account of certain
+wounded and disabled who fell back to tell us of the affray. "The
+Trades" were in reality in open insurrection, and marching upon us,
+"headed," as the trombone said, "by a stout, elderly man of savage
+appearance." To organize a resistance would have been impossible, with
+countesses fainting on every side, duchesses in hysterics. The men of
+our party, too, avowed that without an armory of guns, pistols, and
+cutlasses they were powerless. As to smashing up a chair, or seizing
+a table-leg, they had no idea of it; so that I saw myself the only
+combatant in a room full of people, who, by way of fitting me for my
+task, threw themselves around my neck and on my back in a fashion far
+more flattering than favorable.
+</p>
+<p>
+By great exertions I wrested myself free from my "backers," and,
+bounding over the table with a formidable old tongs in my hand, I
+reached the door just as it gave way to the assaulting party, and came
+flat down off the hinges, discovering the forlorn hope of the enemy
+led on by&mdash;oh, shame and disgrace ineffable!&mdash;no other than my father
+himself! There he was, Bob, without his coat, with a large saucepan
+in one hand for a shield, and a kitchen cleaver in the other. He
+vociferously cheered on his followers to the breach. I own to you
+that, what with his patched and poor attire, his long beard, and his
+moustaches, I scarcely knew him. His voice, however, there was no
+mistaking; and, at the first word he uttered, I grounded my arms in
+surrender.
+</p>
+<p>
+It turned out that some infernal device in pastry had communicated to
+him the intelligence that it was Mrs. D. was the entertainer of the
+gorgeous company, the crumbs from whose sumptuous table he and his
+friends were then consuming. Maddened with the indignity of <i>his</i>
+position, and outraged at <i>her</i> extravagance, he tossed off two tumblers
+of sherry to give him courage, and cried out to his partisans "to
+charge!" I have often heard that no description can convey even the
+faintest notion of the horrors of a town taken by assault. I now
+believed it. For the same good reason, you will not expect of me to
+portray what I own to be beyond my pictorial powers. I can, it is true,
+give you the ingredients, as Lord Macartney did those of a plum-pudding
+to the Chinese cook, but you must yourself know how to mingle and
+combine them. Take thirty ladies of various ages, from sixteen to sixty,
+and of all nations of Europe, with gents to match; throw them into
+strong convulsions of fright, horror, fun, or laughter, amidst smashed
+crockery, broken glass, upset viands, and drinkables; beat them up with
+some ten or twelve travellers of unwashed appearance, neither civil of
+speech nor ceremonious in conduct; dash the mixture with Dodd père in
+a state of frenzied passion, to which he gave short and <i>per saltum</i>
+utterance in such phrases as "Spitzbuben!" "Coquins!" "Canaille!"
+"Scoundrels!" "Gueux!" "Blackguards!" &amp;c,&mdash;a vocabulary that, even
+without a labored context, seemed sufficiently intelligible. The company
+took Lady Macbeth's hint; they did n't stand upon the order of their
+going, "they went at once." I do not believe that a party ever separated
+with greater despatch and less useless ceremony. A few of the "greatly
+overcome" were, indeed, led out between friends, "unconscious;" but the
+mass fled with a laudable precipitancy, leaving the field to my father
+and the rest of the Dodd family,&mdash;a group, I beg to say, that nothing
+but a painter could properly render. That it may one day be thought
+worthy of a fresco, let me record it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Foreground, and principal figure, Dodd père, seated Marius-like
+amidst the ruins, cravat in one hand, turban of a spoiled countess
+inadvertently grasped in the other; countenance strongly marked with
+intense perplexity, a kind of universal doubt of everything; prevailing
+impression of the figure, power, but power weakened by incredulity.
+</p>
+<a name="image-0019"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/436.jpg" height="666" width="935"
+alt="436
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+Middle distance, Mary Anne Dodd, dishevelled and weeping, gracefully
+draped, and the attitude well chosen.
+</p>
+<p>
+Extreme distance, Dodd mère, seated on the floor, with a student's cap
+stuck on over her own toque, evidently horror-struck and unconscious, as
+seen by the wild stare of her eyes, and the half-open lips. Dodd
+fils, dimly detected in the shadow of left foreground, mixing
+brandy-and-water.
+</p>
+<p>
+There's the tableau; the smaller details are, a universal smashery,
+with occasional vestiges of that part of the creation consigned to
+hairdressers, tailors, and milliners, of which the ground displays
+various curious specimens, in scalps, fronts, ringlets, and tufts,
+scraps of lace, tuckers, and trinkets, with skirts of coats, cravats,
+and a false calf! Had these been all that the company left behind them,
+Bob, it might have been bearable; but, alas! they had bequeathed to
+us other relics,&mdash;their contempt, their very lowest contempt. Even my
+father's French was intelligible enough to show what he claimed,
+and what we could not deny him, to be. You can fancy, therefore, the
+impression they must have conceived of us!
+</p>
+<p>
+One of the worst features of this unlucky occurrence was that
+it happened at Baden. Baden is, so to say, one of those great
+banking-houses at which a note is sure to be presented at some period or
+other of its circulation, and here we were now,&mdash;declared a "forgery,"
+pronounced "not negotiable."
+</p>
+<p>
+These were the bitter thoughts which each of us had now to revolve in
+secret, tormenting our several ingenuities to find a remedy for the
+evil. The governor was apparently the first of us to rally, for
+he turned round at last to the table, cleared a small spot for his
+operations at a corner, helped himself to some of a game pie, and began
+to eat like one who had not relished such delicacies for some time back.
+</p>
+<p>
+"May I give you a glass of champagne, sir?" said I, seeing that he was
+"going in" with an air of determination.
+</p>
+<p>
+"With all my heart," responded he; "but I think you might as well open
+a fresh bottle." I did so, Bob, and followed it by another, of which I
+partook also.
+</p>
+<p>
+"There are some excellent fellows out there in the kitchen," said
+the governor. "There is a little lame tailor from Anspach, and an
+ivory-turner from the town of Lindau, both as agreeable companions as
+ever I journeyed with. Take them out that pie, James, and let the waiter
+fetch them half a dozen bottles of this red wine. Pay Jacob&mdash;he 's the
+tailor&mdash;four florins that I borrowed from him; and beg of Herman, a
+little Jewish rogue, with an Astracan cap, to keep my tobacco-bag, out
+of remembrance of me. Tell the assembled company that I 'll see them all
+by and by, for at present I have some family affairs to look after. Be
+civil and courteous with them, James, they all have been so to me; and
+if you 'll sit down at the table for half an hour, and converse with
+them, take my word for it, boy, you 'll not rise to go away without
+being both wiser and humbler."
+</p>
+<p>
+I set about my mission with a willing heart. I was glad to do anything
+which should give the governor even a momentary satisfaction; and I
+was well pleased, also, to mark the calm, dispassionate tone of his
+language.
+</p>
+<p>
+The "Lehr-Jungen" received me with a most respectful courtesy, in which,
+however, there was not the very slightest taint of subserviency
+or meanness. They showed me that they really felt kindly, and even
+affectionately, towards my father, who had been their companion for
+the last nine days on foot. They enjoyed in a high degree the dry humor
+which he possesses, and they relished his remarks on the country, and
+the people, through which they travelled, savoring as they did of a
+caustic shrewdness perfectly new to them. In fact, I soon saw that his
+frank temperament, enriched by that native quaintness every Irishman
+has his share of, had made him a prime favorite with them, and they were
+equally disposed to be flattered by his acquaintanceship as attached to
+himself. I sat with them till past midnight. Indeed, when I heard that
+our family had ordered bedrooms and retired for the night, I was not
+sorry to dissipate my cares, even in much humbler society than I had
+left home to foregather with.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is not necessary I should make any confession to you of my unlettered
+ignorance, nor own how deplorably deficient I am in every branch of
+knowledge or acquirement. I was a stupid schoolboy, and an idle one,
+and the result is not very difficult to imagine; and yet, with all these
+disadvantages, I have a lazy man's craving for information, if I only
+could obtain it easily. I 'd like to be cured, if the doctor would only
+make the physic palatable. Now, will you believe me, Bob, when I say
+that these poor travelling tradesfolk, patched and threadbare as they
+were, talked upon subjects of a very high character, and discussed them,
+too, with a shrewdness and propriety perfectly astonishing? I had been
+living in Germany for some six or eight months, and yet now, for the
+first time, did I hear mention made of the popular literature of the
+day,&mdash;who were the writers most in vogue, and what modifications public
+taste was undergoing, and how the mystical and the imaginative were
+giving way before a practical common-sense and commonplace spirit
+more adapted to the exigencies of our age. This, I must observe, they
+entirely ascribed to the influence of England, which they described as
+being paramount on the Continent since the peace. Not alone that the
+vast hordes of our nation flooded every land of Europe, but that our
+mechanical arts, our inventions, and our literature pervaded every nook
+and crevice of the Continent.
+</p>
+<p>
+As the tailor said, "It is not alone that we conform to your notions in
+dress, and endeavor to make our coats loose and square-skirted, to look
+English, but there is an Anglomania in all things, even where we will
+not confess it. Our novelists, too, have followed the fashion, and
+instead of those dreamy conceptions, where the possible and impossible
+were always in conflict, we have now domestic stories, ay, even before
+we have domesticity itself."
+</p>
+<p>
+I do not quote my friend Jacob for anything remarkable in the sentiment
+itself, though I believe it to be just and true; but to show the general
+tone of a conversation maintained for hours by a set of poor artisans,
+not one of whom would not be well contented could he earn a shilling a
+day.
+</p>
+<p>
+Perhaps you will ask me, if, in their several trades, these fellows were
+the equals of our own? In all probability they were not. The likelihood
+is, they were greatly inferior, as in every detail of the useful and the
+practical Germany is far behind us; but it is strange to speculate on
+what such a people may or might become, if their institutions should
+ever conform to the development of their natural intelligence. This,
+again, is the tailor's remark,&mdash;and I could "cabbage" from him for hours
+together.
+</p>
+<p>
+I thought a hundred times of <i>you</i>, Bob. How <i>you</i> would have enjoyed
+this strange fraternity. What amusement&mdash;not to say something better
+and higher&mdash;you would have abstracted from them. What traits of native
+humor,&mdash;what studies of character! As for <i>me</i>, much, by far the greater
+part, was lost upon me for want of previous knowledge of the subjects
+they discussed. Of the kingdoms whose politics they canvassed I scarcely
+knew the names; of the books, I had not even heard the titles! I have no
+doubt many of their opinions were incorrect; much of what they uttered
+might have been illogical or inaccurate; but making a wide allowance for
+this, I was struck by the general acuteness of their remarks, and the
+tone of moderation and forbearance that characterized all they said.
+</p>
+<p>
+This brief intercourse has at least taught me one thing,&mdash;which is not
+to look down with any depreciating pity on the troops of these wayfarers
+we pass on the road, still less to ridicule their absurd appearance, or
+make a jest of their varied costume. I now know that amidst those motley
+figures are men of shrewd intelligence and cultivated minds, content to
+follow the very humblest callings, and quite satisfied if their share of
+this world's good things never rises higher than black bread and a cup
+of sour wine. I should like greatly to see something more of the gypsy
+life they lead, and if ever the opportunity offer, shall certainly not
+suffer it to escape me.
+</p>
+<p>
+We left the inn of the Moorg Thal at daybreak, my mother and Mary Anne
+in one carriage, the governor and myself in a little open calèche. He
+spoke little, and seemed deep in thought all the way. From an occasional
+expression he dropped, I dreaded to surmise that he had resolved on
+returning to Ireland. One remark which he made of more than ordinary
+bitterness was: "If we go on as we are doing, we shall at length close
+every town of Europe against us. We left Brussels in shame, and now we
+quit Baden in disgrace: the sooner this ends the better."
+</p>
+<p>
+We did not proceed the whole way to Baden, but stopped about a mile from
+it, at a village called Lichtenthal, where we found a comfortable inn,
+with moderate charges. From this I was despatched to our hotel, after
+nightfall, to arrange our affairs, settle our bill, fetch away our
+baggage, and make all necessary arrangements for departure.
+</p>
+<p>
+I am free to own that I entered on my mission with no common sense of
+shame. I knew, of course, how our story had by this time become the
+table-talk of Baden, and how, from the prince to the courier, "the
+Dodds" were the only topic. Such notoriety as this is no boon, and I
+confess, Bob, that I believe I could have submitted my hand to the knife
+with less shrinking of the spirit than I raised it to pull the door-bell
+of the Hôtel de Russie.
+</p>
+<p>
+When a man has to encounter an anticipated humiliation, he usually puts
+on an extra amount of offensive armor. I suppose mine, on this occasion,
+must have been of unquestionable strength. None seemed willing to put
+it to the proof. The host was humble,&mdash;the waiters cringing,&mdash;the very
+porter fawned on me! The secretary&mdash;at your flash hotels abroad they
+always have a secretary, usually a Pole, who has an immense estate under
+sequestration somewhere,&mdash;this dread functionary, who, in presenting
+you the bill, ever gives you to understand that he is quite prepared to
+afford you personal satisfaction for any item in the score,&mdash;even he,
+I say, was bland, courteous, and gentle. I little knew at the moment to
+what circumstance I owed all this unexpected politeness, and that this
+silky courtesy was a very different testimony from what I suspected;
+it being neither more nor less than the joyful astonishment of the
+household at seeing one of us again, and an amazement, rising to
+enthusiastic delight, at the bare possibility of our paying our bill!
+Already in their estimation the "Dodd family" had been pronounced
+swindlers, and various speculations were abroad as to the value of the
+several trunks, imperials, and valises we had left behind us.
+</p>
+<p>
+My mother, in her abject misery,&mdash;you may imagine the amount of it from
+the circumstance,&mdash;had given me her bank-book, with full liberty to
+deal with the balance in her favor. In fact, such was her dread of
+encountering one of her former acquaintances, that I verily believe she
+would have agreed to an exile to Siberia rather than pass one more week
+at Baden. Our bill was a swingeing one. With all the external show of
+politeness, I plainly saw that they treated us just as Napoleon used to
+treat a conquered nation whose imputed misconduct had outlawed it! For
+<i>us</i> there was no appeal; <i>we</i> could not threaten the indignation of
+powerful friends,&mdash;the terrors of fashionable exposure,&mdash;not even the
+hackneyed expedient of a letter in the "Times"! Alas! we had ceased to
+be "reasonable and sufficient bail" for any statement.
+</p>
+<p>
+Such charges never were seen before, I 'd swear. Dinners and suppers
+figured as unimportant matters. It was the "extraordinaires" that ruined
+us; for your hotel-keeper is obliged, for very shame's sake, to observe
+a semblance of decorum in his demands for recognized items. It is in
+the indefinable that he revels; just as your geographer indulges every
+caprice of his imagination when laying down the limits of land and water
+at the Pole!
+</p>
+<p>
+It would not amuse, nor could it instruct you, were I to give the
+details of this iniquitous demand. I shall therefore spare you all,
+save the grand fact of the total, wherein something less than six weeks'
+living of four people, with as many servants, amounts to a fraction
+under three hundred pounds sterling! Meanwhile, the price of rooms,
+breakfasts, beds, &amp;c, were all reasonable enough. It was "Éclairage,"
+"Service," "Réceptions, Mardi," "Mercredi," and "Jeudi." These were the
+heavy artillery, to which all the rest was a light-dropping fire. This
+bill-settling is indeed an awful process; for when you rally from the
+first horror-stricken feelings that the sum total calls up, and are
+blandly asked by the smirking secretary, "To what is it that Monsieur
+objects?" you are totally powerless and prostrated. Your natural impulse
+would be to say, "To the whole of it,&mdash;to that infamous row of figures
+at the bottom!"
+</p>
+<p>
+In all probability, you never made an hotel bill in your life. The
+wretches know this, and they feel the full force of your unhappy
+situation. Just fancy a surgeon saying, "What particular part of the
+operation do you dislike, sir? It can't be the first incision; I made
+it in Cooper's method,&mdash;one sweep of the knife. You surely have no
+complaint about the arteries,&mdash;I took them up in eighteen seconds by a
+stop-watch." "What do I care for all this?" you answer. "I know nothing
+about science, but I am fully open to the impression of pain." Nothing,
+however, kills me like the fellow saying, "If Monsieur thinks the
+lemonade too dear, we'll take off half a franc." Two-and-sixpence
+deducted from a bill of three hundred pounds!
+</p>
+<p>
+I went through all this, and more. I went through special appeal cases,
+from twenty subordinates, on peculiar infractions of broken heads,
+smashed crockery, and damaged furniture, which each assured me in turn
+"would be charged against <i>him</i>" if Monsieur had not the honorable
+"consideration"&mdash;that's the formula&mdash;to pay it. I satisfied some, I
+compromised with others; I resisted none. No, Bob. There was no "locus
+standi," as you would call it, for opposition. None of the Dodds could
+come into court, and claim to be heard as witnesses.
+</p>
+<p>
+This agreeable function concluded, I drove off to the Police Commissary
+about our passport. The "authorities" had finished the duties of the
+day. The bureau was closed. I asked where the "authorities" lived, and
+was told the street and the number. I went there, but the "authorities"
+were at their <i>café</i>. They liked "their dominos and their beer;" and why
+should they not have their weaknesses?
+</p>
+<p>
+I hastened to the café; not one of those brilliantly decorated and
+lighted establishments where foreigners of all nations foregather, but
+a dim-looking, musty, sanded-floored, smoke-dried den, filled with a
+company to suit. There was that mysterious half-light, and that low
+whispering sound which seemed to form a fit atmosphere for spies and
+eavesdroppers, of which I need scarcely tell you government officials
+are composed.
+</p>
+<p>
+By the guidance of the waiter, I reached the table where the Herr von
+Schureke was seated at his dominos. He was a beetle-browed, scowling,
+ill-conditioned-looking gent of about fifty, who had a trick of coughing
+a hard dry cough between every word he uttered.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Ah," said he, after. I explained the object of my visit, "you want
+your passport. You wish to leave Baden, and you come here, to give your
+orders to the Polizey Beamten as if you were the Grand-Duke!"
+</p>
+<p>
+I deprecated this intention in my politest German; but he went on.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Es geht nicht"&mdash;literally, "It 's no go "&mdash;"my worthy friend. We are
+not the officials of England. We are Badenere. We are the functionaries
+of an independent sovereign. You can't bully us here with your
+line-of-battle ships, your frigates, and bomb-boats."
+</p>
+<p>
+"No. Gott bewahr!" echoed the company; "that will do elsewhere,&mdash;but
+Baden is free!"
+</p>
+<p>
+The enthusiasm, the sentiment evoked brought all the guests from the
+several tables to swarm around us.
+</p>
+<p>
+I assured the meeting that Cobden and Co. were not more pacifically
+minded than I was; that as to anything like threat, menace, or insolence
+towards the Grand-Duchy, it never came within thousands of miles of
+my thoughts; that I came to make the civilest of requests, in the very
+humblest of manner; and if by ill-luck the distinguished functionary I
+had the honor to address should not deem either the time opportune, or
+the place suitable&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"You'll make it an affair for your House of Commons," broke he in.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Or your 'Ti-mes' newspaper!" cried another, converting the title of the
+Thunderer into a strange dissyllable.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Or your Secretary of State will tell us that you are a 'Civis
+Romanue,'" wheezed out a small man, that I heard was Archivist of
+something, somewhere.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Britannia rule de waves, but do not rule de Grand-Duchy," muttered a
+fourth, in English, to show that he was thoroughly imbued, not alone
+with our language, but the spirit of our Constitution.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Really, gentlemen," said I, "I am quite at a loss for any reason for
+this audible outburst of nationality. I dis-claim the very remotest
+idea of offending Baden, or anything belonging to it. I entertain
+no intention of converting my case into a question of international
+dispute. I simply wait my passport, and free permission to leave the
+Grand-Duchy and all belonging to it."
+</p>
+<p>
+This declaration was unanimously pronounced insolent, offensive, and
+insulting; and a vast number of unpleasant remarks poured down upon
+England and Englishmen, which, I need not tell you, are not worth
+repetition. The end of all was that I lost temper too,&mdash;the wonder is
+how I kept it so long,&mdash;and ventured to hint that people of my country
+had sometimes the practice of righting themselves, when wronged, instead
+of tormenting their Government or pestering the "Times" newspaper; and
+that if they had any curiosity as to the <i>how</i>, I should be most happy
+to favor any one with the information that would follow me into the
+street.
+</p>
+<p>
+There was a perfect Babel of angry vociferation as I said this; the
+meaning of which I might guess, though the words were unintelligible;
+and as I issued forth into the street, expressions of angry indignation
+and insult were actually showered upon me. I reached Lichtenthal late
+at night; the governor was in bed, and I hastened to "report myself"
+to him. This done, I sat down to give you this full narration of
+our doings; and only regret that I must conclude without telling you
+anything of our future plans, of which I know actually nothing. I should
+have spared you the uninteresting scene with the authorities, if you had
+not asked me, in your last, "Whether the respect felt towards England by
+every foreign nation did not invest the travelling Englishman with many
+privileges and immunities unknown to others?" I have heard that such was
+once the case. I believe, indeed, there was a time that any absurdity
+or excess of John Bull would have been set down as mere eccentricity,&mdash;a
+dash of that folly ascribable to our insular tastes and habits; but this
+is all changed now! Partly from our own conduct, in part from real and
+sometimes merely imputed acts of our rulers, and partly from the tone of
+our Press, which no foreigner can ever be brought to understand aright,
+we have got to be thought a set of spendthrift, wealthy, reckless
+misers, lavish and economical by tarns, socially proud and exclusive,
+but politically red republican and levelling,&mdash;tyrants in our
+families, and democrats in the world; in fact, a sort of living mass of
+contradictory qualities, not rendered more endurable by coarse tastes
+and rude manners! This, at least, Morris told me, and he is a shrewd
+observer, like many of those sleepy-eyed, quiet "coves" one meets with.
+Not that he reads individuals like Tiverton! No: George is unequalled
+in ready dissection of a man's motives, and will detect a dodge before
+another begins to suspect it. I wish he were back; I feel frequently
+so helpless without his counsel and advice. The turf is, surely, a
+wonderful school for sharpening a man's faculties, and it gives you the
+habit of connecting words with motives, and asking yourself, "What
+does So-and-so mean by that?" "What is he up to now?" that at last you
+decipher character, let its lines be written in the very faintest ink!
+</p>
+<p>
+Our post leaves at daybreak, so that I shall just have time for this.
+When I write next, I 'll answer&mdash;that is, if I can&mdash;all your questions
+about myself, what I mean to do, and when to begin it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Not, indeed, that they are themes I like to touch upon, for somehow all
+the quiet pursuits of life look wonderfully slow and tiresome affairs in
+comparison with the panoramic effects of travel. The perpetual change
+of scene, actors, and incidents supplies in itself that amount of
+excitement which, under other circumstances, calls for so much exertion
+and effort. There is another thing, also, which has always given me
+great discouragement. It is that the humbler walks of life require not
+only an amount of labor, but of actual ability, that are never called
+for in higher positions. Think of the work a fellow does as a doctor
+or a lawyer; and think of the brains, too, he has to bring to these
+careers, and then picture to yourself a man in a Government situation,
+some snug colonial governorship, or something at home,&mdash;say, he's
+Secretary-at-War, or has something in the household. He writes his name
+at the foot of an occasional report or a despatch, and he puts on his
+blue ribbon, or his grand cross, as it may be, on birthdays. There's the
+whole of it! As Tiverton says, "One needs more blood and bone nowadays
+for the hack stakes than the Derby;" he means, of course, in allusion to
+real life, and not to the turf! Don't fancy that I take it in ill part
+any remarks you make upon my idleness, nor its probable consequences.
+We are old friends, Bob; but even were we not, I accept them as sin-cere
+evidence of true interest and regard, though I may not profit by them
+as I ought. The Dodds are an impracticable race, and in nothing more
+so than by fully appreciating all their faults, and yet never making an
+effort for their eradication.
+</p>
+<p>
+Some people are civil enough to say how very Irish this is; but I think
+it is only so in half, inasmuch as our perceptions are sharp enough to
+show us even in ourselves those blemishes which your blear-eyed Saxon
+would never have discovered anywhere. Do you agree with me? Whether
+or not, my dear Bob, continue to esteem and believe me ever your
+affectionate friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+James Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+Though I am totally innocent as to our future, it is better not to write
+till you hear again from me, for of course we shall leave this at once;
+but where for? that's the question.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0037"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XXXIII. KENNY JAMES DODD TO MR. PURCELL, OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+</h2>
+<p>
+My dear Tom,&mdash;I am not in a humor for letter-writing, nor, indeed, for
+anything else that I know of. I am sick, sore, and sorry,&mdash;sick of the
+world, sore in my feet, and sorry of heart that I ever consented to come
+out upon this touring expedition, every step and mile of which is marked
+by its own misery and misfortune. I got back&mdash;I won't say home, for it
+would be an abuse of the word&mdash;on Wednesday last I travelled all the way
+on foot, with something less than one-and-fourpence English for my daily
+expenses, and arrived to find my wife entertaining, at a picnic, all
+Baden and its vicinity, with pheasants and champagne enough to feast
+the London Corporation, and an amount of cost and outlay that would have
+made Dodsborough brilliant during a whole Assizes.
+</p>
+<p>
+I broke up the meeting, perhaps less ceremoniously than a Cabinet
+Council is dissolved at Osborne House, where the Ministers, after
+luncheon, embark&mdash;as the "Court Journal" tells&mdash;on board the "Fairy," to
+meet the express train for London: valuable facts, that we never weary
+of reading! I routed them without even reading the Riot Act, and saw
+myself "master of the situation;" and a very pretty situation it was.
+</p>
+<p>
+Now, Tom, when the best of two evils at a man's choice is to expose his
+family as vulgar pretenders and adventurers,&mdash;to show them up to
+the fine world of their fashionable acquaintances as a humbug and a
+sham,&mdash;let me tell you that the other side of the medal cannot have been
+very attractive. This was precisely the case here. "It is not pleasant,"
+said I to myself, "to bring all the scandal and slander of professional
+bad tongues upon an unfortunate family, but ruin is worse still!" There
+was the whole sum and substance of my calculation,&mdash;"Ruin is worse
+still!" The picnic cost above a hundred pounds; the hotel expenses at
+Baden amounted to three hundred more; there are bills to be paid at
+nearly every shop in the town; and here we are, economizing, as usual,
+at a large hotel, at, to say the least, the rate of some five or six
+pounds per day. That I am able to sit down and write these items in a
+clear and legible hand, I take to be as fine an example of courage as
+ever was given to the world. Talk of men in a fire&mdash;an earthquake&mdash;a
+shipwreck&mdash;or even the "last collision on the South-Eastern"&mdash;I give the
+palm to the man who can be calm in the midst of duns, and be <i>collected</i>
+when his debts cannot be. To be credited when you can no longer pay,&mdash;to
+drink champagne when you have n't small change for small beer, is enough
+to shake the boldest nerves; it is exactly like dancing on a tight rope,
+from which you know in your heart you must ultimately come down with a
+crash. When one reads of any sudden calamity having befallen a man who
+has incurred voluntary peril, the natural question at once rises, "What
+did he want to do? What was he trying for?" Now, suppose this question
+to be addressed to the Dodd family, and that any one should ask, "What
+did we want to do?" I am sadly afraid, Tom, that we should be puzzled
+for the answer. I have no doubt that my wife would sustain a long and
+harassing cross-examination before the truth would come out I am well
+aware of all the specious illusions she would evoke, and what sagacious
+notions she would scatter about education, accomplishments, modern
+languages, and maybe&mdash;mother-like&mdash;great matches for the girls, but the
+truth would out, at last,&mdash;we came abroad to be something&mdash;whatever it
+might be&mdash;that we could n't be at home; we changed our theatre, that we
+might take a new line of parts. We wanted, in short, to be in a world
+that we never were in before, and we have had our wish. I am not going
+to rail at fashionable life and high society. I am sure that, to those
+brought up in their ways, they are both pleasant and agreeable; but they
+never were our ways, and we were too old when we began to learn
+them. The grand world, to people like us, is like going up Mont
+Blanc,&mdash;fatigue, peril, expense, injury to health, and ruin to pocket,
+just to have the barren satisfaction of saying,
+</p>
+<p>
+"I was up there last August&mdash;I was at the top in June." "What did you
+get for your pains, Kenny Dodd? What did you see for all the trouble
+you had? Are you wiser?" "No." "Are you happier?" "No." "Are you better
+informed?" "No." "Are you pleasanter company for your old friends?"
+"No." "Are you richer?" "Upon my conscience, I am not! All I know is,
+that we were there, and that we came down again." Ay, Tom, there 's
+the moral of the whole story,&mdash;we came <i>down</i> again! Had we limited our
+ambition, when we came abroad, to things reasonably attainable,&mdash;had we
+been satisfied to know and to associate with people like ourselves,&mdash;had
+we sought out the advantages which certainly the Continent possesses
+in certain matters of taste and accomplishment, we might have got
+something, at least, for our money, and not paid too dearly for it But,
+no; the great object with us seemed always to be, swimming for our lives
+in the great ocean of fashion. And, let me tell you a secret, Tom; this
+grovelling desire to be amongst a set that we have no pretension to, is
+essentially and entirely English. No foreigner, so far as I have seen,
+has the vulgar vice of what is called "tuft-hunting." When I see my
+countrymen abroad, I am forcibly reminded of what I once witnessed at a
+show of wild beasts. It was a big cage full of monkeys, that were eating
+their dinner at a long trough, but none of them would taste what was
+before himself, but was always eating out of his neighbor's dish. It
+gave them the oddest look in the world; but it is exactly what you
+see on the Continent; and I 'll tell you what fosters this taste more
+strongly than all. Our titled classes at home are a close borough, that
+men like you and myself never trespass upon. We see a lord as we see a
+prize bull at a cattle show, once and away in our lives; but here the
+aristocracy is plentiful,&mdash;barons, counts, and even princes abound, and
+can be obtained at the "shortest notice, and sent to any part of the
+town." Think of the fascination of this; fancy the delight of a family
+like the Dodds, surrounded with dukes and marquises! One of the very
+first things that strikes a man on coming abroad is the abundance of
+that kind of fruit that we only see at home in our hot-houses. Every
+ragged urchin is munching a peach or a melon, and picking the big
+grapes off a bunch that he speedily flings away. The astonishment of the
+Englishman is great, and he naturally thinks it all paradise. But wait
+a bit. He soon discovers that the melon has no more flavor than a
+mangel-wurzel, and that the apricot tastes like a turnip radish. If
+they are plenty, they are totally deficient in every excellence of
+their kind; and it is just the same with the aristocracy. The climate
+is favorable to them, and the same sun and soil rears princes and ripens
+pineapples; but they 're not like our own, Tom,&mdash;not a bit of it. Like
+the fruit, they are poor, sapless, tasteless productions, and the very
+utmost they do for you is to give you a downright indifference to the
+real article. I know how it reads in the newspapers, in a letter dated
+from some far-away land, on a Christmas-day,&mdash;"As I write, my window is
+open; the garden is one sea of blossoms, and the perfume of the rose
+and the jasmine fills the room." Just the same is the effect of those
+wonderful paragraphs of distinguished and illustrious guests at Mrs.
+Somebody's <i>soirée</i>. They are the common products of the soil, and they
+do not rise to the rank of luxuries with even the poor! Don't mistake
+me; I am not depreciating what is called high society, no more than I
+would condemn a particular climate. All that I would infer is, simply,
+that it does not suit my constitution. It's a very common remark, how
+much more easily women conform to the habits and customs of a class
+above their own than men, and, so far as I have seen, the observation is
+a just one; but, let me tell you, Tom, the price they pay for this same
+plastic quality is more than the value of the article, for they lose all
+self-guidance and judgment by the change. Your quietly disposed,
+domestic ones turn out gadders, your thrifty housekeepers grow lavish
+and wasteful, your safe and cautious talkers become evil speakers and
+slanderers. It is not that these are the characteristics of the new sect
+they have adopted, but that, like all converts, they always begin their
+imitation with the vices of the faith they conform to, and by way of
+laying a good foundation, they start from the bottom!
+</p>
+<p>
+If I say these things in bitterness, it is because I feel them in
+sincerity. Poor old Giles Langrishe used to say that all the expenses
+of contested elections, all the bribery and treating, all the cost of a
+Parliamentary life, would never have embarrassed him, if it was n't
+for his wife going to London. "It wasn't only what she spent," said he,
+"while there; but Molly brought Piccadilly back with her to the county
+Clare! She turned up her nose at all our old neighbors, because they
+did n't know the Prussian ambassador, or Chevalier Somebody from the
+Brazils. The only man that could fit her in shoes lived in Bond Street;
+and as to getting her hair dressed, except by a French scoundrel that
+made wigs for the aristocracy, it was clearly impossible." And I 'll
+tell you another thing, Tom, our wives get a kind of smattering of
+political knowledge by this trip to town, that makes them unbearable.
+They hear no other talk all the morning than the cant of the House and
+the slang of the Lobby. It's a dodge of Sir James, or a sly trick
+of Lord John, that forms the gossip at breakfast; and all the little
+rogueries of political life, all the tactics of party, are discussed
+before them, and when they take to that line of talk they become
+perfectly odious.
+</p>
+<p>
+Haven't they their own topics? Isn't dancing, dress, the drama, enough
+for them, I ask?&mdash;without even speaking of divorce cases,&mdash;that they
+won't leave bills, motions, and debates to their husbands? Whenever
+I see Mrs. Roney, of Bally Roney, or Mrs. Miles MacDermot, of Castle
+Brack, in the "Morning Post," among the illustrious company at Lady
+Wheedleham's party, I say to myself, "I wish your neighbors joy of you
+when you go home again, that's all!"
+</p>
+<p>
+And yet all this would have been better for me than this coming abroad!
+I might have been member for Bruff for half the cost of this unlucky
+expedition! And this was economy, forsooth! Do you know how much we
+spent, hard cash, since March last? I am fairly ashamed to tell you,
+Tom; and though money lies mighty close to my heart, I don't regret the
+loss as much as I do that of many a good trait that we brought away with
+us, and have contrived to lose on the road. All this running about the
+world, this eternal change of place and people, imparts such an "Old
+Soldierism," if I may make the word, to a family, that they lose all
+that quiet charm of domesticity that forms the fascination of a home.
+</p>
+<p>
+Fathers and mothers are worldly, as a matter of course. It comes upon
+them just like chronic rheumatism, or baldness, or any other infirmity
+of time and years, but it's hateful to see young people calculating and
+speculating; planning for this, and plotting for that. You ask, perhaps,
+"What has this to do with foreign travel?" and I say, "Everything." Your
+young lady that has polka'd at Paris, galloped up the Rhine, waltzed
+at Vienna, and bolero'd at Madrid, has about as much resemblance to
+an English or Irish girl brought up at home as the show-off horse of
+a circus has to a thoroughbred hunter. It's all training and
+teaching,&mdash;very graceful, perhaps, and pretty to look at,&mdash;but only fit
+for display, and worth nothing without lamps, sawdust, and spectators.
+Now, these things are not native to us, partly from climate, partly from
+old habit, prejudice, and natural inclination. We like to have a home.
+Our fireside has a kind of religious estimation in our eyes, associated
+as it is with that family grouping that includes everything from two
+years and a half to eighty,&mdash;from the pleasant prattle of infancy to the
+harmless murmurings of grandpapa. The foreigner&mdash;I don't care of what
+nation, they are all alike&mdash;has no idea of this. His own house to him is
+only one remove above a prison. He has little light, and less fire;
+neither comfort nor companionship! For him, life means society, plenty
+of well-dressed people, handsome <i>salons</i>, wax-lights, movement, bustle,
+and confusion, the din of five hundred tongues that only wag for
+scandal, and the sparkle of eyes that are only brilliant for wickedness.
+</p>
+<p>
+These foreigners are really wonderful people, so frivolous about all
+that is grave or serious, so sober-minded in every folly and absurdity,
+we never rightly understand them, and that is one reason why all our
+imitation of them is so ludicrous.
+</p>
+<p>
+Have you ever seen a fellow in a circus, Tom, whose feat was to jump
+from a horse's back through some half-dosen hoops a little bigger than
+his body? He has kept this performance for his finish, for it is his
+<i>chef d'oeuvre</i> and he wants to "sink in full glory resplendent."
+Somehow or other, though, he can't summon up pluck for the effort. Now
+the horse goes wrong leg, now it's the fault of the fellows that hold
+the hoops, now the pace is not fast enough; in fact, nothing goes right
+with him, and there he spins round and round, wishing with all his heart
+it was done and over. I 'm pretty much in the same plight this moment,
+Tom, at least as regards hesitation and indecision; for while I have
+been rambling on about foreign life and manners, my mind was full of a
+very different theme; but from downright shame have I kept off it, for
+I 'm tired of recording all our miseries and misfortunes. Here goes,
+however, for the spring,&mdash;I can't defer it any longer.
+</p>
+<p>
+Since I came back, I have n't exchanged ten words with Mrs. D. It is an
+armed truce between us, and each stands ready, and only waiting for
+the attack. If, however, I consign to oblivion all remembrance of <i>her</i>
+extravagance, the chance is that she is to keep blind to my infidelity!
+In a word, the picnic and Mrs. G. are to be buried together. Of course
+the terms of our convention prevented my learning much of the family
+doings in my absence. Even had I moved for any papers or correspondence
+on the subject, I should have been met by a flat refusal; and, in fact,
+I was left, the way poor Curran used to say of himself, to pick up my
+facts from the opposite counsel's statement. I was not long destined to
+the bliss of ignorance. Such a hurricane of bills and accounts I never
+withstood before. James, however, by what arts of flattery I know not,
+succeeded in getting bold of his mother's bank-book, and went out, a
+few evenings ago, and paid everything; and, that we might escape at once
+from this den of iniquity, went immediately to the Prefecture for our
+passport. The Commissary was at his <i>café</i>, whither James followed him,
+and, somehow or other, an angry discussion got up between them, and they
+separated, after exchanging something that was not the compliments of
+the season.
+</p>
+<p>
+I 'm so used to rows and shindies that I went fast asleep while he was
+telling me of it; but the following morning I was to have a jog to my
+memory that I did n't expect,&mdash;no less than two gendarmes, with their
+carbines on their arms, having arrived to escort me to the "Bureau of
+the Police." I dressed accordingly, and set out alone; for although
+James might have been useful in many ways, I was too much afraid of
+his rashness and hot temper to take him. We arrived before the door
+was open, and spent twenty minutes in the street, surrounded by a mixed
+assemblage, who commented upon me and my supposed crime with great
+freedom and impartiality.
+</p>
+<p>
+After another long wait in a dirty ante-room, I was ushered into a large
+chamber, where the great functionary was seated at a table covered with
+papers, and at a smaller one, close by, sat what I perceived to be his
+clerk, or private secretary. Of course I imagined it was for something
+that James had said the previous evening that I was thus arraigned,
+and though I thought it was like reading the passage in the Decalogue
+backwards, to make the father suffer for the children, I resolved to be
+patient and submissive throughout.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Your name?" said the Commissary, bluntly, but never offering me a seat,
+nor even noticing my "Good-morning."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Dodd," said I, as shortly.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Christian name?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Kenny James."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Where born?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"At Bruff, in Ireland."
+</p>
+<p>
+"How old?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Upwards of fifty,&mdash;not certain for a year, more or less."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Religion?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Catholic."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Married or single?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Married."
+</p>
+<p>
+"With children,&mdash;how many?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Three,&mdash;a boy and two girls."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Do you follow any trade or profession?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"No."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Living upon private means?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Yes."
+</p>
+<p>
+These, and a vast number of similar queries&mdash;they filled five sheets of
+long post&mdash;followed, touching where we came from, how we had travelled,
+our object in the journey, and twenty things of the like kind, till I
+began to feel that the examination in itself was not a small penalty
+for a light transgression. At last, after a close scrutiny into all
+my family matters, my money resources, and my habits, he entered upon
+another chapter, which I own I thought was pushing the matter rather
+far, by saying, "Apparently, Herr Dodd, you are one of those who think
+that the monarchies of Europe are obsolete systems of government, ill
+suited to the spirit and requirements of the age. Is it not so?"
+</p>
+<p>
+If I had only a moment's time for reflection, I should have said, "What
+is it to you how I think on these subjects? I don't belong to your
+country, and will render no account of my private sentiments to you;"
+but, unfortunately, a discussion on politics is always "nuts" to me,&mdash;I
+can't resist it,&mdash;and in I went, with that kind of specious generality
+that lays down a broad and wide foundation for any edifice you like
+afterwards to rear.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Kings," said I, "are pretty much like other men,&mdash;good, bad, or
+indifferent, and, like other men, they are not bettered by being left
+to the sway of their own unbridled passions and tempers. Wherever,
+therefore, there is no constitution to bind them, the chances are that
+they make ducks and drakes of their subjects."
+</p>
+<p>
+I must tell you, Tom, that we conducted our interview in English, which
+the Commissary spoke fluently.
+</p>
+<p>
+"The divine right of kings, then, you utterly overlook?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I deny it,&mdash;I laugh it to scorn," said I. "Look at the fellows we see
+on thrones,&mdash;one is a creature fit for Bedlam; another ought to be in
+Norfolk Island. If they possessed any of this divine right you talk
+of, should we have seen them scuttling away as they did the other day,
+because there was a row in their capitals?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"That will do,&mdash;quite enough," said he, stopping me short. "Your
+sentiments are sufficiently clear and explicit. You are a worthy
+disciple of your friend Gauss."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I never heard of him till now," said I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Nor of Isaac Henkenstrom?&mdash;nor Reichard Blitzler?&mdash;nor Johann von
+Darg?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Not one of them."
+</p>
+<p>
+"This you swear?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"This I swear," said I, firmly; but the words were not well out, when
+the door was opened at a signal made by the Commissary, and an old man,
+with a very white beard and in shabby black, was led forward.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Do you know the Herr Professor now?" asked the Commissary of me.
+</p>
+<p>
+"No," said I, stoutly,&mdash;"never saw him before."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Bring in the others," said he; and, to my astonishment, came forward
+three of the young fellows I had travelled with on foot from Saxony, but
+whose names I had not heard, or, if I heard, had forgotten.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Are these men known to you?" asked the Prefect, with a sneer.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Yes," said I; "we travelled in company for some days."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Ah! you acknowledge them at last?" said he, "although you swore you had
+never seen them."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Are you so stupid," said I, "as not to distinguish between a man's
+knowledge of an individual and his remembrance of a name?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"You yourself might be a puzzle in that respect," replied he, not
+heeding my taunt. "You assumed one appellation at Bonn, another at Ems,
+and your family are living under a third here."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I deny it!" cried I, indignantly.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Here 's the proof," said he. "Is this your wife's hand-writing? 'Mrs.
+Dodd M'Carthy requests the favor of having two gendarmes stationed
+at the hotel on each Wednesday evening, to keep order in the line of
+carriages at her receptions.' Is that authentic?"
+</p>
+<p>
+What a shell exploded beneath me, as I saw that I was tracked by the
+spies of the police from town to village up the Rhine, and half across
+Germany! The three youths with whom I was confronted were already
+condemned to prison. One had a tobacco bag, with a picture of Blum on
+it; the other was detected with a case-knife, whose blade exceeded
+the regulation length by half an inch; and the third was heard to say,
+"Germany forever," as he tossed off a tumbler of beer; and I was the
+associate and trusted comrade of this combined Socialism and Democracy.
+It came out that amongst our fraternity of the road there had been a
+paid spy of the police, who kept a regular journal of all our wayside
+conversation; and from the singularity of an Englishman's presence
+in such a party, it was inferred that his object was to spread those
+infamous doctrines by which it is now well known England sustains her
+position in Europe.
+</p>
+<p>
+The absurdity I could laugh at, but there were some things in the matter
+not to be treated lightly. With my name at Ems they had no possible
+concern. Ems was in Nassau, not Baden. What could have persuaded my wife
+to call herself Dodd M'Carthy? We were always Dodd; we never had any
+other name. I could n't explain this, nor even give it a coloring; but
+I grew angry, Tom, vexed and irritated by the pestering impertinence of
+this pumping scoundrel. I said a vast number of things which had
+been better unsaid. I gave a great deal of good advice, too, about
+legislation generally, that I might have known would not have been
+accepted; and, in fact, I was what would be called generally indiscreet;
+the more, since all my remarks were committed to paper as fast as I made
+them, the whole being courteously submitted to me for signature, as if I
+had been purposely making a confession of my political belief.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Give me my passport," cried I, at last, "and let me quit your little
+rascally territory of spies and sharpers. I promise you sacredly I 'll
+never put foot in it again."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Not so fast, my worthy friend," said he. "We must first know under
+which of your aliases you are to travel; meanwhile, we shall take the
+liberty of committing you to prison as Herr Dodd!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"To prison!&mdash;for what crime?" cried I, nearly choking with passion.
+</p>
+<p>
+"You 'll hear it all time enough," was the only response, as, ringing
+his bell, he summoned the gendarmes, who, advancing one to either side
+of me, led me away like a common malefactor.
+</p>
+<p>
+The prison is a kind of Bridewell, over a livery-stable, and only meant
+as a "station" before being forwarded to the larger establishment at
+Carlsruhe. I suppose, had they wished it, they could not have accorded
+me any place of separate confinement; for there was but scanty space,
+and many occupants. As it was, my lot was to be put in the same cell
+with two fellows just apprehended for a murder, and who obligingly
+entered into a full narrative of their crime, believing that <i>my</i>
+revelations would be equally interesting. I lost no time in writing a
+note to James, and another to our English Chargé d'Affaires, a young
+attaché, I believe, of the Legation at Stuttgard.
+</p>
+<p>
+James and the sucking diplomatist were both out, so that I had no answer
+from either till evening. During this interval I had much meditation
+over the state of politics in Germany, and the probable future of that
+country, of which I shall take another occasion to tell you.
+</p>
+<p>
+At six o'clock came the following, enclosed in a very large envelope,
+and sealed with a very spacious impression of the English Arms:&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"The undersigned Attaché of H. B. M.'s Legation at the Court of
+Stuttgard has the honor to acknowledge receipt of Mr. Kenny J. Dodd's
+communication of this morning's date, and will lay it under the
+consideration of H. B. M.'s Principal Secretary of State for Foreign
+Affairs."
+</p>
+<p>
+This was pleasant, forsooth! And was I to remain in jail till the
+despatch had reached London, a deliberation formed on it, and an answer
+returned? I was boiling over with rage at this thought, when James
+entered. He had just been with our illustrious Chargé d'Affaires, who
+received him with that diplomatic reserve so peculiar amongst the
+small fry of the Foreign Office. At the same time James saw a lurking
+satisfaction in his manner at the thought of having got up a case of
+international dispute, which might have his name mentioned in the House,
+and possibly a despatch with his signature printed in a Blue Book. He
+was dying for an opportunity of distinguishing himself, as Baden offered
+nothing to his ambition; and all his fear was, that the authorities
+might liberate me too soon. James perceived all this,&mdash;for the lad
+is not wanting in shrewdness, and his Continental life, if it has
+not bettered his morals, has certainly sharpened his wit; but all his
+arguments were unavailing, and all his reasonings useless. The
+despatch was already begun, and it was too good a grievance to let slip
+unprofitably.
+</p>
+<p>
+James next called on a friend of his, a certain Mr. Milo Blake O'Dwyer,
+who is the correspondent of a great London paper called the "Sledge
+Hammer of Freedom;" but instead of advice and guidance, the worthy
+news-gatherer was taking down all the particulars for a grand letter
+to his journal; and he, too, it was plain to see, wished that
+some outrageous treatment of me by the authorities would make his
+communication the great event of that day's post in London. "I wish they
+'d put him in irons,&mdash;in heavy irons," said he. "Are you sure that his
+cell is not eight feet below the surface of the earth? Be particular,
+I beg of you, about the depth. You saw how Gladstone destroyed that
+elegant case of Poerio, all for want of a little accuracy in his
+measurements; for, I must observe to you, in all our 'correspondence,'
+names, dates, and distances require to be true as the Bible. Facts admit
+of varnishing. They can be always stretched a little this way or that.
+Now, for instance, we 'll call the conduct of the authorities in this
+case brutal, cowardly, and disgraceful. We 'll appeal to the universally
+acknowledged right of Englishmen to do everything everywhere, and we
+'ll wind up with a grand peroration about Despotism and the glorious
+privileges of the British Constitution."
+</p>
+<p>
+The fellow chuckled over my case with unfeigned satisfaction. He would
+n't listen to the real, plain facts of the matter at all. They were
+poor, meagre, and insignificant in themselves, till they had acquired
+the touch of genius to illustrate them; and though I was a gem, as
+he owned, yet, like the Koh-i-noor, I was nothing without cutting. He
+appears, besides, to think that he has a kind of vested interest in me,
+now that my case is to figure in his newspaper, and he contradicts my
+own statements flatly wherever they don't suit him.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have just despatched James to assure him that I don't care a rush
+about the sympathy of the whole British public; that I have no taste
+for martyrdom; and that, as to expending any hopes in redress from our
+Foreign Office, I'd as soon make an investment in Poyais Scrip, or Irish
+Canal Debentures. I trust that he will be induced to leave me alone, and
+neither make me matter for the Press nor a speech in Parliament.
+</p>
+<p>
+These reporters, or correspondents, or whatever they call them, are, in
+my mind, the greatest disturbers of the peace of Europe. The moment they
+assert anything, they set about looking for proofs of it; and they
+don't know how to praise themselves enough, whenever they are driven to
+confess that they were in the wrong; and then, if you mind, Tom, it is
+not to the public they excuse themselves,&mdash;not a bit of it; it's the
+King of Naples, or the Emperor of Russia, or the Bey of Tiflis, that
+"they sincerely hope will not be offended by statements made after
+mature reflection and painful consideration of the topic." They throw
+out sly hints of all the Royal attentions that have been bestowed upon
+them, and the intimate habits they have enjoyed of confidence with the
+Queen of this, and the Crown Prince of that Vulgar rapscallions! they
+have never seen more of Royalty than what a church or an opera admits;
+and though Majesty now and then may feel the sting, take my word for it,
+he never notices the mosquito.
+</p>
+<p>
+If you, then, see me in print,&mdash;and be on the look-out,&mdash;just write a
+letter in my name from Dodsborough, to say that I am well and hearty on
+my paternal acres, and know nothing of politics, police, or reporters,
+and would rather the Government would reduce the county cess than
+prosecute every Grand-Duke in Europe.
+</p>
+<p>
+I will write again to-morrow. Yours ever,
+</p>
+<p>
+K. I. Dodd.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0038"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XXXIV. KENNY JAMES DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    "The Fox."
+</h3>
+<p>
+My dear Tom,&mdash;However Morris managed it I know not, but an order came
+for my liberation that same evening, with the assurance that my passport
+was to be made out for wherever I pleased to name, and the Prefect was
+to express to me his regrets and apologies for an inadvertence which he
+deeply deplored.
+</p>
+<p>
+It seemed that, but for diplomacy, I'd not have been detained half
+an hour; but our worthy representative of Great Britain had asked for
+copies of all the charges against me so formally, had requested
+the names, ages, and station in life of the several witnesses so
+circumstantially, and had, in fact, imparted such a mock importance to
+a police impertinence, that the Grand-Ducal authorities began to suspect
+that they had caught a first-rate revolutionist, with a whole trunkful
+of Kossuth and Mazzini correspondence. This comes of setting school-boys
+to write despatches! The greedy appetite for notoriety&mdash;to be up
+and doing&mdash;to be before the world in some public capacity&mdash;of these
+juveniles, brings England into more trouble, and Englishmen into more
+embarrassment, than you could believe. If they 'd be satisfied with
+recording Royal dinnerparties and Court scandal,&mdash;who got the Order of
+the Guinea-pig, and who is to receive the "Tortoise," they could n't do
+much harm; but the moment they get hold of an international grievance,
+and quote Puffendorf, we have no peace on the Continent for six months
+after.
+</p>
+<p>
+"You wish to leave Baden," said Morris; "where will you go?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I have not the slightest notion," said I. "I'm waiting for letters from
+Ireland,"&mdash;yours, my dear Tom, the chief of them,&mdash;"and therefore it
+must be somewhere in the vicinity."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Go over to Rastadt, then," said he, "and amuse yourself with the
+fortifications: they are now in course of construction, and when
+completed will be some of the strongest in Europe. I 'll give you a
+letter to the Commandant, who will show all that can interest you, and
+explain everything that you may wish to know." Rastadt is only twenty
+miles away; it is, however, in all that regards intercourse with Baden,
+fully two hundred distant. It is cheap, rarely visited by strangers, has
+no "fashionables," and, in fact, just the kind of model-prison residence
+that I was wishing for to discipline the family, and get them once more
+"in hand."
+</p>
+<p>
+Thither, therefore, we remove to-morrow morning, if nothing unforeseen
+should occur in the interim. Morris, as you may observe, behaved most
+kindly in this affair; and, indeed, showed a strong interest in James,
+from certain remarks the boy himself has let drop; but he seems cold,
+Tom,&mdash;one of those excellent fellows that are always doing the right
+thing for its own sake, and not for yours. I don't want to disparage
+principle, no more than I do a great balance at Coutts's, or anything
+else that I don't possess myself; but I mean to say that, somehow or
+other, one likes to feel that it is to yourself, as an individual,&mdash;to
+your own proper identity,&mdash;a service is rendered, and not to a mere
+fraction of that great biped race that wear cloth clothes and eat cooked
+victuals.
+</p>
+<p>
+That's the way with the English, however, all over the globe, and I
+have often felt more grateful to an Irishman for helping me on with my
+surtout than I have to John Bull for a real downright piece of service.
+I suppose the fault is more mine than his; but the fact is true, and so
+I give it to you. I suppose, besides, that an impartial observer of both
+of as would say that we make too much of every favor, and the Englishman
+too little; we exact all the obligation of a debt for it, they treat the
+whole thing lightly, as if the service rendered, and those to whom it
+was done, were not worthy of further consideration. However we strike
+the balance between us, Tom,&mdash;in our favor or against us,&mdash;I own to you
+I like our own way best; and though nothing could be truly more kind and
+considerate than Morris, it was quite a relief to me when he gave me his
+cold shake-hands, and said "Good-bye!"
+</p>
+<p>
+And so it will ever be, so long as human actions are swayed by human
+emotions. The man who recognizes your feelings, who regards you with
+some touch of sympathy, is more your friend than the benevolent machine
+who bestows upon you his mechanical philanthropy.
+</p>
+<p>
+"The Golden Ox," Rastadt. We left Lichtenthal like a thief in the night;
+and here we are now in the "Golden Ox" at Rastadt, which, I own to
+you, seems a most comfortable house. James and I&mdash;for we are now
+<i>two</i> parties domestically, Mrs. D. and Mary Anne living very much to
+themselves, and Cary still on a visit with Morris's mother&mdash;had a most
+excellent breakfast of fresh trout, a roast partridge, a venison steak
+with capers&mdash;a capital dish&mdash;and chocolate, with abundance of good white
+wine of the place, and on calling for the bill, out of curiosity, I see
+we are charged something under a florin for two of us,&mdash;about tenpence
+each. Tom, this will do. You may therefore look upon me as a citizen
+of Rastadt for the next month to come. I have kept my letter by me
+hitherto, to give you a bulletin of this place before closing it, and I
+have still some time at my disposal before the post leaves.
+</p>
+<p>
+I'm not sure, though, I'd exactly recommend this town to a patient
+laboring under nervous headaches, or to a university man reading for
+honors. Indeed, up to this&mdash;I suppose I 'll get used to it later on&mdash;the
+din has so addled me that I have often to stand two minutes reflecting
+over what I had to say, and then own that I have forgotten it. We
+are&mdash;that is, the "Ox" is&mdash;in the quietest spot in the town, and yet
+close under my bedroom there are, from early morning till dusk, twelve
+drummers at practice, with a head drummer to teach them. In the green,
+before the door, two companies of recruits are at drill. The foot
+artillery limbers and unlimbers all day in the "Platz" close by, and
+what should be our garden is a riding-school for the cadets. These
+several educational establishments have their peculiar tumult, which
+accompany me through my sleep; and for all the requirements of quiet
+and reflection, I might as well have taken up my abode in a kettle-drum.
+Liège was a Trappist monastery in comparison! As it is, the routine
+tramp of feet has made me conform to the step, and I march "quick" or
+"orderly," exactly as the fellows are doing it outside. I swallow my
+soup to the sound of a trumpet, and take off my clothes to the roll of
+the drum. James is in ecstasy with it all; I never saw him enjoy himself
+so much. He is out looking at them the entire day, and I 'm greatly
+mistaken but Mary Anne passes a large portion of her time at the green
+"jalousie" that opens over the riding-school.
+</p>
+<p>
+I am always asking myself&mdash;that is, whenever I can summon composure even
+for so much&mdash;what do the Germans want with all these soldiers? Surely
+they 're not going to invade France, nor Russia; and yet their armies
+are maintained in a strength that might imply it! As to any occasion for
+them at home in their own land, it's downright balderdash to talk of it!
+Do you know, Tom, that whenever I think of Germany and her rulers, I am
+strongly reminded of poor old Dr. Drake, that lived at Dronestown, and
+the flea-bitten mare he used to drive in his gig. She was forty if she
+was an hour; she was quiet and docile from the day she was foaled: all
+the whipping in the world couldn't shake her into five miles an
+hour, and yet the doctor had her surrounded with every precaution
+and appliance that would have suited a regular runaway. There were
+safety-reins, and kicking-straps, and double traces without end,&mdash;and
+all to restrain a poor old beast that only wanted to be let alone, and
+drag out her tiresome existence in the jog-trot she was used to! "Ah,
+you don't know as well as I do," Drake would say; "she's a devil at
+heart, and if she did n't feel it was useless to resist, she 'd smash
+everything behind her. She looks quiet enough, but <i>that</i> does n't
+impose upon me." These were the kind of reflections he indulged in, and
+I suppose they are about the same in use in the Cabinets of Austria,
+Prussia, and Bavaria. I was often malicious enough for a half wish that
+Drake should have a spicy devil in the shafts, just for once, to show
+him a trick or two; and in the same spirit, Tom, I cannot help saying
+that I 'd like to see John Bull "put to" in this fashion! Would n't he
+kick up,&mdash;would n't he soon knock the whole concern to atoms! Ah, Tom,
+it's all alike, believe me; and whether you have to drive a nag or a
+nation, take my word for it, the kicking-straps are only efficacious
+when the beast has n't a kick in him! At all events, such are not the
+popular notions here; and on they go, building fortresses, strengthening
+garrisons, and reinforcing army corps, till at last the military will be
+more numerous than the nation, and every prisoner will have two jailers
+to restrain him. "Who is to pay?" becomes the question; but indeed
+that is the very question that puzzles me now. Who pays for all this
+at present? Is it possible that a people will suffer itself to be taxed
+that it may be bullied? I 'm unable to continue this theme, for there go
+the drums again,&mdash;there are forty of them at it now! What's in the wind
+I can't guess. Oh, here's the explanation. It is the Herr Commandant&mdash;be
+sure you accent the last syllable&mdash;is come to pay me a visit, and the
+guard has turned out to drum him upstairs!
+</p>
+<p>
+Four o'clock.
+</p>
+<p>
+He is gone at last,&mdash;I thought he never would,&mdash;and I have
+only time to say that he has appointed to-morrow after breakfast, to
+show me the fortress, and as I am too late for the post, I 'll be able
+to add a line or two before this leaves me. Mary Anne has come to say
+that her mother's head is distracted, and that she cannot endure the
+uproar of the place. My reply is, "Mine is exactly in the same way; but
+I cannot go any further,&mdash;I 've no money."
+</p>
+<p>
+Mrs. D. "thinks she'll go mad!" If she means it in earnest, this is as
+cheap a place to do it in as any I know. We are only to pay two pounds a
+week each, and I suppose whether we preserve our senses or not makes no
+difference in the expense! This would sound very unfeelingly, Tom, but
+that you are well aware of Mrs. D. 's system, and that she gives notice
+of a motion without any intention of going to a debate, much less of
+pressing for a "division." Mary Anne is very urgent that I should see
+her mother, but I am not quite equal to it yet Maybe after visiting
+the fortress to-morrow I'll be in a more martial mood; and now here's
+dinner, and a most savory odor preludes it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Tuesday.
+</p>
+<p>
+This must go as it is, Tom,&mdash;I 'm dead beat! That old veteran
+would n't let me off a casemate nor a bomb-proof, and I have walked
+twenty miles this blessed morning! Nor is that all; but I have
+handled shot, lifted cannon-balls, adjusted mortars, and peeped out of
+embrasures, till my back is half broken with straining and fatigue. Just
+to judge from what I 'm suffering, a siege must be a dreadful thing!
+He says be showed me everything; and, upon my conscience, I can well
+believe it! There was a great deal of it, too, that I saw in the dark,
+for there was no end of galleries without a single loophole, and many of
+the passages seemed only four feet high; for, though a short man, I had
+to stoop. I ought to have a great deal to say about this place, if
+I could remember it, or if I could be sure it would interest you. It
+appears that Rastadt is built upon an entirely new principle, quite
+distinct from any hitherto in use. It must be attacked <i>en ricochet</i>,
+and not directly; a hint, I suppose, they stole from our common law,
+where they fire into <i>you</i>, by pretending to assail John Doe or Richard
+Roe. The Commandant sneered at the old system, but I 'd rather trust
+myself in Gibraltar, notwithstanding all he said. It stands to reason,
+Tom, that if you are up in a window you have a great advantage over a
+fellow down in the street. Now, all these modern fortresses are what is
+called "<i>à fleur d'eau</i>" quite level, and not raised in the least over
+the attacking force. Put me up high, say I; if on a parapet, so much the
+better; and besides, Tom, nothing gives a man such coolness as to know
+that he is all as one as out of danger! Of course, I did n't make this
+remark to the Commandant, because in talking with military people it is
+good tact always to assume that being shot at is rather pleasant than
+otherwise; and so I have observed that they themselves generally make
+use of some jocular phrase or other to express being killed and wounded;
+"he was knocked over," "he got an ugly poke," being the more popular
+mode of recording what finished a man's existence, or made the remainder
+of it miserable.
+</p>
+<p>
+Soldiering has always struck me as an insupportable line of life. I have
+no objection in the world to fight the man who has injured <i>me</i>, nor to
+give satisfaction where I have been the offender; but to go patiently
+to work to learn how to destroy somebody I never saw and never heard of,
+<i>does</i> seem absurd and unchristianlike altogether. You say, "He is the
+enemy of my country, and, consequently, mine." Let me see that; let me
+be sure of it. If he invades us, I know that he is an enemy; but if he
+is only occupied about his own affairs,&mdash;if he is simply hunting out a
+nest of old squatters that he is tired of,&mdash;if he is merely changing the
+sign of his house, and instead of the "Lily" prefers to live under the
+"Cock," or maybe the "Drone-bee," what have I to say to that? So long as
+he stays at home, and only "gets drunk on the premises," I have no right
+to meddle with him. It's all very well to say that nobody likes to have
+a disorderly house in his neighborhood. Very true; but you ought n't
+to go in and murder the residents to keep them quiet. There 's the mail
+gone by, and I have forgotten to send this off. It's a wonderful thing
+how living in Germany makes a man long-winded and tiresome. It must be
+the air, at least with me, or the cookery, for I am perfectly innocent
+of the language. The "mysterious gutturals," as Macaulay calls them,
+will ever be mysteries to <i>me!</i> At all events, to prevent further
+indiscretions, I 'll close this and seal it now. And so, with my sincere
+regards, believe me, dear Tom, ever yours,
+</p>
+<p>
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+Address me, "Golden Ox,"&mdash;I mean at the sign of,&mdash;Rastadt, for you 're
+sure of finding me here for the next four weeks at least.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0039"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XXXV. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    "The Golden Ox," Rastadt.
+</h3>
+<p>
+My dearest kitty,&mdash;I have only time for a few and very hurried lines,
+written with trembling fingers and a heart audible in its palpitations!
+Yes, dearest, an eventful moment has arrived,&mdash;the dread instant has
+come, on which my whole future destiny must depend. It was last night,
+just as I was making papa's tea, that a servant arrived on horseback at
+the inn with a letter addressed to the Right Honorable and Reverend the
+Lord Dodd de Dodsborough. This, of course, could only mean papa, and so
+he opened and read it, for it was in English, dearest, or at least in
+imitation of that language.
+</p>
+<p>
+I refrain from quoting the precise expressions, lest in circumstances so
+serious a smile of passing levity should cross those dear features, now
+all tension with anxiety for your own Mary Anne. The letter was from
+Adolf von Wolfenschafer, making me an offer of his hand, title, and
+fortune! I swooned away when I heard it, and only recovered to hear papa
+still spelling out the strange phraseology of the letter.
+</p>
+<p>
+I wish he had not written in English, Kitty. It is provoking that an
+event so naturally serious in itself should be alloyed with the dross of
+grammatical absurdities; besides that, really, our tongue does not lend
+itself to those delicate and half-vanishing allusions to future bliss so
+germane to such a proposal. Papa, and James, too, I must say, evinced
+a want of regard to my feelings, and an absence of that fine sympathy
+which I should have looked for at a moment like this. They actually
+screamed with laughter, Kitty, at little lapses of orthography, when the
+subject might reasonably have imposed far different emotions.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Why, it's a proposal of marriage!" exclaimed papa, "and I thought it a
+summons from the police."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Egad, so it is!" cried James. "It's an offer to you, Mary Anne. 'The
+Baron Adolf von Wolfenschàfer, Frei-herr von Schweinbraten and Ritter of
+the Order of the Cock of Tubingen, maketh hereby, and not the less,
+that with future-coming-time-to-be-proved-and-experienced affection,
+the profound humility of an offer of himself, with all his
+to-be-named-and-enumerated belongings, both in effects and majorats, to
+the lovely and very beautiful Miss, the first daughter of the Venerable
+and very Honorable the Lord Dodd de Dodsborough.'"
+</p>
+<a name="image-0020"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/470.jpg" height="580" width="694"
+alt="470
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+"Pray stop, James," said I; "this is scarcely a fitting matter for
+coarse jesting, nor is my heart to be made the theme for indelicate
+banter."
+</p>
+<p>
+"The letter is a gem," said he, and went on: "'The so-named
+A. von W., overflowing with a mild but in-heaven-soaring and
+never-to-earth-descending love, expecteth, in all the pendulating
+anxieties of a never-at-any-moment-to-be-distrusted devotion&mdash;'"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Papa, I really beg and request that I may not be trifled with in this
+unfeeling manner. The Baron's intentions are sufficiently clear and
+explicit, nor are we now engaged in the work of correcting his English
+epistolary style."
+</p>
+<p>
+This I said haughtily, Kitty; and Mister James at last thought proper to
+recover some respect for my feelings.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Why, I never suspected you could take the thing seriously, dear Mary
+Anne," said he. "If I only thought&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"And pray, why not, James? I'm sure the Baron's ancient birth&mdash;his rank,
+his fortune&mdash;his position, in fact&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Of all of which we know nothing," broke in papa.
+</p>
+<p>
+"But of which you may know everything," said I; "for here, at the
+postscript, is an invitation to us all to pass some weeks at the
+Schloss, in the Black Forest, his ancestral seat."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Or, as he styles it," broke in James, impertinently, "'the very
+old castle, where for numerous centuries his high-blooded and
+on-lofty-eminence-standing ancestors did sit,' and where now
+'his with-years-bestricken but not-the-less-on-that-account-sharp
+with-intelligence-begifted parent father doth reside.'"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Read that again, James," said papa.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Pray allow me, sir," said I, taking the letter. "The invitation is
+a most hospitable request that we should go and pass some time at his
+chateau, and name the earliest day our convenience will permit for the
+visit."
+</p>
+<p>
+"He spoke of capital shooting there!" cried James. "He told me that the
+Auer-Hahu, a kind of black-cock, abounds in that country."
+</p>
+<p>
+"And I remember, too, that he mentioned some wonderful Steinberger,&mdash;a
+cabinet wine, full two hundred years in wood!" chimed in papa.
+</p>
+<p>
+I wished, dearest Kitty, that they could have entertained the
+subject-matter of the letter without these "contingent remainders," and
+not mix up my future fate with either wine or wild fowl; but they really
+were so carried away by the pleasures so peculiarly adapted to their own
+feelings that they at once said, and in a breath too, "Write him word
+'Yes,' by all means!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Do you mean for his offer of marriage, papa?" asked I, with struggling
+indignation.
+</p>
+<p>
+"By George, I had forgotten all about that," said he. "We must
+deliberate a bit. Your mother, too, will expect to be consulted. Take
+the letter upstairs to her; or, better still, just say that I want to
+speak to her myself."
+</p>
+<p>
+As papa and mamma had not met nor spoken together since his return, I
+willingly embraced this opportunity of restoring them to intercourse
+with each other.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Don't go away, Mary Anne," said James, as I was about to seek my own
+room, for I dreaded being left alone, and exposed to his unfeeling
+banter; "I want to speak to you." This he said with a tone of kindness
+and interest which at once decided me to remain. He wore a look of
+seriousness, Kitty, that I have seldom, if ever, seen in his features,
+and spoke in a tone that, to my ears, was new from him.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Let me be your friend, Mary Anne," said he, "and the better to be so,
+let me talk to you in all frankness and sincerity. If I say one single
+word that can hurt your feelings, put it down to the true account,&mdash;that
+I 'd rather do even such than suffer you to take the most eventful step
+in all your life without weighing every consequence of it Answer me,
+then, two or three questions that I shall ask you, but as truly and
+unreservedly as though you were at confession."
+</p>
+<p>
+I sat down beside him, and with my hand in his.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Now, first of all, Mary Anne," said he, "do you love this Baron von
+Wolfenschafer?"
+</p>
+<p>
+Who ever could answer such a question in one word, Kitty? How seldom
+does it occur in life that all the circumstances of any man's position
+respond to the ambitious imaginings of a girl's heart! He may be
+handsome, and yet poor; he may be rich, and yet low-born; intellectual,
+and yet his great gifts may be alloyed with infirmities of temper;
+he may be coldly natured, secret, self-contained, uncommunicative,&mdash;a
+hundred things that one does not like,&mdash;and yet, with all these
+drawbacks, what the world calls an "excellent match."
+</p>
+<p>
+I believe very few people marry the person they wish to marry. I fancy
+that such instances are the rarest things imaginable. It is a question
+of compensation throughout,&mdash;you accept this, notwithstanding that;
+you put up with <i>that</i>, for the sake of this! Of course, dearest, I am
+rejecting here all belief in the "greatest happiness principle" as a
+stupid fallacy, that only imposes upon elderly gentlemen when they marry
+their housekeeper. I speak of the considerations which weigh with a
+young girl who has moved in society, who knows its requirements, and can
+estimate all that contributes to what is called a "position."
+</p>
+<p>
+This little digression of mine will give you to understand what was
+passing in my mind as James sat waiting for my reply.
+</p>
+<p>
+"So, then," said he, at last, "the question is not so easily answered
+as I suspected; and we will now pass to another one. Are your affections
+already engaged elsewhere?"
+</p>
+<p>
+What could I say, Kitty, but "No! decidedly not." The embarrassment,
+however, so natural to an inquiry like this, made me blush and seem
+confused; and James, perceiving it, said,&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"Poor fellow, it will be a sad blow to <i>him</i>, for I know he loved you."
+</p>
+<p>
+I tried to look astonished, angry, unconscious,&mdash;anything, in fact,
+which should convey displeasure and surprise together; but with that
+want of tact so essentially fraternal, he went on,&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"It was almost the last thing he said to me at parting, 'Don't let her
+forget me!'"
+</p>
+<p>
+"May I venture to inquire," said I, haughtily, "of whom you are
+speaking?"
+</p>
+<p>
+Simple and inoffensive as the words were, Kitty, they threw him into an
+ungovernable passion; he stamped, and stormed, and swore fearfully. He
+called me "a heartless coquette," "an unfeeling flirt," and a variety of
+epithets equally mellifluous as well merited.
+</p>
+<p>
+I drew my embroidery-frame before me quite calmly under this torrent of
+abuse, and worked away at my pattern of the "Faithful Shepherd," singing
+to myself all the time.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Are you really as devoid of feeling as this, Mary Anne?" asked he.
+</p>
+<p>
+"My dear brother," said I, "don't you wish excessively for a commission
+in a regiment of Hussars or Lancers? Well, as your great merits have
+not been recognized at the Horse Guards, would you feel justified in
+refusing an appointment to the Rifle Brigade?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"What has all this to say to what we are discussing?" cried he, angrily.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Just everything," replied I; "but as you cannot make the application,
+you must excuse <i>me</i> if I decline the task also."
+</p>
+<p>
+"And so you mean to be a baroness?" said he, rudely.
+</p>
+<p>
+I courtesied profoundly to him, and he flung out of the room with a bang
+that nearly brought the door down. In a moment after, mamma was in my
+arms, overcome with tenderness and emotion.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I have carried the day, my dearest child," said she. "We are to accept
+the invitation, at all events, and we set out to-morrow."
+</p>
+<p>
+I have no time for more, Kitty, for all our preparations for departure
+have yet to be made. What fate awaits me I know not, nor can I even
+fancy what may be the future of your ever attached and devoted friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+Mary Anne Dodd.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0040"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XXXVI. MRS. DODD TO MRS. MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH.
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    SCHLOSS, WOLFENFELS
+</h3>
+<p>
+My dear Molly,&mdash;It is only since we came to the elegant place, the hard
+name of which I have written at the top of this letter, that my
+feelings have subsided into the calm seriousness adapted to epistolary
+correspondence. From the day that K. I. returned, my life has been like
+the parallax of a fever! The man was never possessed of any refined or
+exalted sentiments; but the woman, this Mrs. G. H.&mdash;I could n't write
+the name in full if you were to give me twenty pounds for it&mdash;made him
+far worse with self-conceit and vanity. If you knew the way my time is
+passed, "taking it out of him," Molly, showing him how ridiculous he is,
+and why everybody is laughing at him, you 'd pity me. As to gratitude,
+my dear, he hasn't a notion of it; and he feels no more thankful to
+me for what I 've gone through than if I was indulging him in all his
+nefarious propensities. It is a weary task; and the only wonder is how I
+'m able to go on with it.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Have n't you done yet, Mrs. D.?" said he, the other morning. "Don't you
+think that you might grant me a little peace now?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I wish to the saints I had," said I; "it's bringing me to the grave,
+it is; but I have a duty to perform, and as long as my tongue can wag, I
+'ll do it! When I 'm gone, K. I.," said I,&mdash;"when I 'm gone, you 'll not
+have to say, 'It was her fault,&mdash;it was all her doing. Jemima never said
+this; she never told me that.'" I vow and declare to you here, Molly,
+that there is n't a thing a woman could say to a man, that I haven't
+said to him; and as I remarked yesterday, "If I have n't taken the
+self-conceit out of you now, it is because it's grained in your
+nature,"&mdash;I believe, indeed, I said, "in your filthy nature."
+</p>
+<p>
+When we left Baden, we came to a place called Rastadt, a great
+fortification that they 're making, as they tell me, to defend the
+Rhine; but, between ourselves, it's as far from the river as our house
+at Dodsborough is from Kelly's mills. There we stopped three weeks,&mdash;I
+believe in the confident hope of K. I. that I could n't survive the
+uproarious tumult. They were drilling or training horses, or firing
+guns, or flogging recruits under our windows, from sunrise to sunset;
+and although at first the novelty was, amusing, you grew, at last, so
+tormented and teased with the noise that your very brain ached from it.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I wonder," said I, one night, "that you never thought of taking
+furnished apartments in Barrack Street! It ought to be to your taste."
+</p>
+<p>
+"It's not unlikely, ma'am, that I may end my days in that neighborhood,"
+said he, tartly, "for I believe it's very convenient to the sheriff's
+prison."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I was alluding to your military tastes," said I. "One might suppose you
+were meant for a great general."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I might have claim to the character, ma'am," said he, "if being always
+under fire signified anything,&mdash;always exposed to attack."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Oh, but," said I, "you forget she has retired her forces,"&mdash;I meant
+Mrs. G., Molly; "she took pity on your poor unprotected situation!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Look now, Mrs. D.," said he, with a blow of his fist on the table, "if
+there 's another word&mdash;one syllable more on this matter, may I never
+sign my name K. I. again, if I don't walk you back, every one of you, to
+Dodsborough! It was an evil hour that saw us leave it, but it would be a
+joyous one that brings us back again."
+</p>
+<p>
+When, he grows so brutal as that, Molly, I never utter a word. 'T is n't
+to-day nor yesterday that I learned to be a martyr; so that all I did
+was to wait a minute or two, and then go off in strong hysterics! and,
+indeed, I don't know anything that provokes him more.
+</p>
+<p>
+I give you this as a slight sample of the way we lived, with occasional
+diversions on the subject of expense, the extravagance of James, his
+idleness, and so forth; pleasant topics, and amusing for a family
+circle. Indeed, Molly, I'm ashamed to own that my natural spirit was
+beginning to break down under it. I felt that all the blood of the
+M'Carthys was weak to resist such inhuman cruelty; and whether it was
+the climate, or what, I don't know, but crying did n't give me the same
+relief it used. I suppose the fact is that one exhausts the natural
+resources of one's constitution; but I think I 'm not so old but that a
+good hearty cry ought to be a comfort to me.
+</p>
+<p>
+This is how affairs was, when, about a week ago, came a servant on
+horseback, with a letter for K. I. I was sitting up at my window, with
+the blinds down, when I saw the man get off and enter the inn, and the
+first thought that struck me was that it was Mrs. G. herself sent him.
+"I 've caught you," says I to myself; and throwing on my dressing-gown,
+I slipped downstairs. It was K. I. and James were together talking, so
+I just waited a second at the door to listen. "If I had a voice in the
+family,"&mdash;it was K. I. said this,&mdash;"if I had a voice in the family,"
+said he, "I 'd refuse. These kind of things always turn out ill,&mdash;people
+calculate so much upon affection; but the truth is, marrying for love
+is like buying a pair of Russia-duck trousers to wear through the year.
+They 'll do beautifully in summer, and even an odd day in the autumn;
+but in the cold and rainy reason they 'll be downright ridiculous."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Still," said James, "the offer sounds like a great one."
+</p>
+<p>
+"All glitter, maybe. I distrust them all, James. At any rate, say
+nothing about it to your mother till I think it over a bit."
+</p>
+<p>
+"And why not say anything to his mother?" says I, bouncing into the
+room. "Am I nobody in the family?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Bedad you are!" said K. I., with a heavy sigh.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Haven't I an opinion of my own, eh?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"That you have!" said he.
+</p>
+<p>
+"And don't I stand to it, too!&mdash;eh, Kenny James?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Your worst enemy couldn't deny it!" said he, shaking his head.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Then what's all this about?" said I, snatching the letter out of his
+hands. But though I tried with my double eyeglass, Molly, it was no
+use, for the writing was in a German hand, not to say anything of the
+language.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Well, ma'am," said K. I., with a grin, "I hope the contents are
+pleasing to you?" And before I could fly out at him, James broke in:
+"It's a proposal for Mary Anne, mother. The young Baron that we met at
+Bonn makes her an offer of his hand and fortune, and invites us all to
+his castle in the Black Forest as a preliminary step."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Isn't that to your taste, Mrs. D.?" said K. I., with another grin.
+"High connection&mdash;nobility&mdash;great family,&mdash;eh?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I don't think," said I, "that, considering the step I took myself in
+life, anybody can reproach me with prejudices of that kind." The step I
+took! Molly, I said the words with a sneer that made him purple.
+</p>
+<p>
+"What's his fortune, James?" said I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Heaven knows! but he must have a stunning income. This Castle of
+Wolfenfels is in all the print-shops of the town. It's a thing as large
+as Windsor, and surrounded by miles of forest."
+</p>
+<p>
+"My poor child," said I, "I always knew where you 'd be at last; and
+it's only two nights ago I had a dream of taking grease out of my yellow
+satin. I thought I was rubbing and scrubbing at it with all my might."
+</p>
+<p>
+"And what did that portend, ma'am?" said K. I., with his usual sneer.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Can't you guess?" said I. "Might n't it mean an effort to get rid
+of the stain of a low connection?" Was n't that a home-thrust, Molly?
+Faith, he felt it so!
+</p>
+<p>
+"Mrs. D.," said he, gravely, and as if after profound thought, "this
+is a question of our child's happiness for life-long, and if we are
+to discuss it at all, let it be without any admixture of attack or
+recrimination."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Who began it?" said I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"You did, my dear," said he.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I did n't," said I; "and I 'm not 'your dear.' Oh, you needn't sigh
+that way; your case isn't half so bad as you think it, but, like all
+men, you fancy yourself cruelly treated whenever the slightest bar is
+placed to your bad passions. You argue as if wickedness was good for
+your constitution."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Have you done?" said he.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Not yet," said I, taking a chair in front of him.
+</p>
+<p>
+"When you have, then," said he, "call me, for I 'll go out and sit
+on the stairs." But I put my back to the door, Molly, so that he had
+nothing for it but to resume his seat. "Let us move the order of the
+day, Mrs. D.," said he,&mdash;"this business of Mary Anne. My opinion of it
+is told in few words. These mixed marriages seldom succeed. Even with
+long previous intimacy, suitable fortune, and equality of station,
+there is that in a difference of nationality that opens a hundred
+discrepancies in taste, feeling&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Bother!" said I, "we have just as much when we come from the same
+stock."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Sometimes," said he, sighing.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Here's what he says, mother," said James, and read out the letter,
+which I am bound to say, Molly, was a curiosity in its way; for though
+it had such a strange look, it turned out to be in English, or at least
+what the Baron thought was such. Happily there was no mistaking the
+meaning; and as I said to K. I., "At least there 's one thing in the
+Baron's favor,&mdash;there's neither deceit nor subterfuge about him. He
+makes his proposal like a man!" And let me tell you, Molly, we live in
+an age when even that same is a virtue; for really, with the liberties
+that's allowed, and the way girls goes on, there 's no saying what
+intentions men have at all!
+</p>
+<p>
+Some mothers make a point of never seeing anything; but that may be
+carried too far, particularly abroad, my dear. Others are for always
+being dragons, but that is sure to scare off the men; and as I say,
+what's the use of birdlime if you 're always shouting and screaming!
+</p>
+<p>
+My notion is, Molly, that a moderate degree of what the French call
+"surveillance" is the right thing,&mdash;a manner that seems to say, "I 'm
+looking at you: I'm not against innocent enjoyments, and so forth, but
+I won't stand any nonsense, nor falling in love." Many 's the time the
+right man is scared away by a new flirtation, that meant nothing. "She's
+too gay for <i>me</i>&mdash;she has a look in her eye, or a toss of the head, or
+a&mdash;Heaven knows&mdash;I don't like."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Does she care for him?" said K. I. "Does Mary Anne care for
+him?&mdash;that's the question."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Of course she does," said I. "If a girl's affections are not engaged in
+some other quarter, she always cares for the man that proposes for her.
+Is n't he a good match?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"He as much as says so himself."
+</p>
+<p>
+"And a Baron?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Yes."
+</p>
+<p>
+"And has an elegant place, with a park of miles round it?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"So he says."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Well, then, I 'm sure I see nothing to prevent her being attached to
+him."
+</p>
+<p>
+"At all events, let us speak to her," said he, and sent James upstairs
+to fetch her down.
+</p>
+<p>
+Short as the time was that he was away, it was enough for K. I. to get
+into one of his passions, just because I gave him the friendly caution
+that he ought to be delicate and guarded in the way he mentioned the
+matter to Mary Anne.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Is n't she my daughter?" said he, with a stamp of his foot; and just
+for that, Molly, I would n't give him the satisfaction to say she is.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I ask you," cried he again, "isn't she my daughter?"
+</p>
+<p>
+Not a syllable would I answer him.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Well, maybe she is n't," said he; "but my authority over her is all the
+same."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Oh, you can be as cruel and tyrannical as you please," said I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Look now, Mrs. D.&mdash;" said he; but, fortunately, Molly, just at that
+moment James and his sister came in, and he stopped suddenly.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Oh, dearest papa," cried Mary Anne, falling at his feet, and hiding her
+face in her hands, "how can I leave you, and dear, dear mamma?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"That's what we are going to talk over, my dear," said he, quite dryly,
+and taking a pinch of snuff.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Your father is never overpowered by his commotions, my love," said I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"To forsake my happy home!" sobbed Mary Anne, as if her heart was
+breaking. "Oh, what an agony to think of!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"To be sure it is," said K. I., in the same hard, husky voice; "but it's
+what we see done every day. Ask your mother&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Don't ask me to justify it," said I. "<i>My</i> experiences go all the other
+way."
+</p>
+<p>
+"At any rate you ventured on the experiment," said he, with a grin.
+Then, turning to Mary Anne, he went on: "I see that James has informed
+you on this affair, and it only remains for me now to ask you what your
+sentiments are.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Oh, my poor heart!" said she, pressing her hand to her side, "how can I
+divide its allegiance?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Don't try that, at all events," said he, "for though I never thought
+him a suitable match for you, my dear, if you really do feel an
+attachment to Peter Belton&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Of course I do not, papa."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Of course she does not&mdash;never did&mdash;never could," said I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"So much the better," said he; "and now for this Baron von&mdash;I never can
+remember his name&mdash;do you think you could be happy with him? Or do
+you know enough of his temper, tastes, and disposition to answer that
+question?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I 'm sure he is a most amiable person; he is exceedingly clever and
+accomplished&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I don't care a brass bodkin for all that," broke in K. I. "A man may be
+as wise as the bench of bishops, and be a bad husband."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Let <i>me</i> talk to Mary Anne," said I. It's only a female heart, Molly,
+understands these cases; for men discuss them as if they were matters of
+reason! And with that I marched her off with me to my own room.
+</p>
+<p>
+I need n't tell you all I said, nor what she replied to me; but this
+much I will say, a more sensible girl I never saw. She took in the whole
+of our situation at once. She perceived that there was no saying how
+long K. I. might be induced to remain abroad; it might be, perhaps,
+to-morrow, or next day, that he'd decide to go back to Ireland. What a
+position we 'd be in, then! "I don't doubt," says she, "but if time were
+allowed me, I could do better than this. With the knowledge I have now
+of life, I feel very confident; but if we are to be marched off before
+the campaign begins, mamma, how are we to win our laurels?" Them's her
+words, Molly, and they express her meaning beautifully.
+</p>
+<p>
+We agreed at last that the best thing was to accept the invitation to
+the castle, and when we saw the place, and the way of living, we could
+then decide on the offer of marriage.
+</p>
+<p>
+If I could only repeat to you the remarks Mary Anne made about this, you
+'d see what a girl she was, and what a wonderful degree of intelligence
+she possesses. Even on the point that K. I. himself raised a doubt,&mdash;the
+difference of nationality and language,&mdash;she summed up the whole
+question in a few words. Her observation was, that this very
+circumstance was rather an advantage than otherwise, "as offering a
+barrier against the over-intimacy and over-familiarity that is the bane
+of married life."
+</p>
+<p>
+"The fact is, mamma," said she, "people do not conform to each other.
+They make a show of doing so, and they become hypocrites,&mdash;great
+or little ones, as their talents decide for them,&mdash;but their real
+characters remain at bottom unchanged. Now, married to a foreigner,
+a woman need not even affect to assume his tastes and habits. She may
+always follow her own, and set them down, whatever they be, to the score
+of her peculiar nationality."
+</p>
+<p>
+She is really, Molly, an astonishing girl, and in all that regards life
+and knowledge of mankind, I never met her equal. As to Caroline, she
+never could have made such a remark. The advantages of the Continent are
+clean thrown away on her; she knows no more of the world than the day we
+left Dodsborough. Indeed, I sometimes half regret that we did n't leave
+her behind with the Doolans; for I observe that whenever foreign travel
+fails in inculcating new refinement and genteel notions, it is sure to
+strengthen all old prejudices, and suggest a most absurd attachment to
+one's own country; and when that happens to be Ireland, Molly, I need
+scarcely say how injurious the tendency is! It's very dreadful, my
+dear, but it's equally true, whenever anything is out of fashion, in bad
+taste, vulgar, or common, you 're sure to hear it called Irish, though,
+maybe, it never crossed the Channel; and out of self-defence one is
+obliged to adopt the custom.
+</p>
+<p>
+On one point Mary Anne and myself were both agreed. It is next to
+impossible for any one but a banker's daughter, or in the ballet, to get
+a husband in the peerage at home. The nobility, with us, are either very
+cunning or very foolish. As to the gentry class, they never think of
+them at all. The consequence is, that a girl who wishes for a title must
+take a foreigner. Now, Molly, German nobility is mightily like German
+silver,&mdash;it has only a look of the real article; but if you can't afford
+the right thing, it is better than the vulgar metal!
+</p>
+<p>
+Mary Anne has declared, over and over again, that nothing would induce
+her to be Mrs. Anybody. As she says, "Your whole life is passed in
+a struggle, if not heralded by a designation, even though it only be
+'Madame.'" And sure nobody knows this better than I do. Has n't the
+odious name weighed me down for years past?
+</p>
+<p>
+"Take him, then, my dear child," said I,&mdash;"take him, then, and may you
+have luck in your choice! It will be a consolation to me, in all my
+troubles and trials, to know that one of my girls at least sustains the
+honor of her mother's family. You 'll be a baroness, at all events."
+</p>
+<p>
+She pressed my hand affectionately, Molly, but said nothing. I saw
+that the poor dear child was n't doing it all without some sacrifice or
+other; but I was too prudent to ask questions. There 's nothing, in my
+opinion, does such mischief as the system of probing and poking into
+wounds of the affections; it's the sure way to keep them open, and
+prevent their healing; so that I kept on, never minding, and only talked
+of "the Baron."
+</p>
+<p>
+"It will kill the Davises," said she, at last; "they'll die of spite
+when they hear it."
+</p>
+<p>
+"That they will," said I; "and they'll deny it to all the neighbors,
+till it's copied into the country papers out of the 'Morning Post' What
+will become of all their sneering remarks about going abroad now, I
+wonder! Faith, my dear, you might live long enough at Bruff without
+seeing a baron."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I think Mr. Peter, too, will at last perceive the outrageous absurdity
+of his pretensions," said she. "The Castle of Wolfenfels is not exactly
+like the village dispensary."
+</p>
+<p>
+In a word, my dear Molly, we considered the question in all its
+bearings, and agreed that though we had rather he was a viscount, with
+a fine estate at home, yet that the thing was still too good to refuse.
+"It's a fine position," said Mary Anne, "and I'll see if I can't improve
+it." We agreed, as Caroline was so happy where she was,&mdash;on a visit with
+this Mrs. Morris,&mdash;that we 'd leave her there a little longer; for,
+as Mary Anne remarked, "She's so natural and so frank and so very
+confiding, she'll just tell everything about us, and spoil all!" And
+it is true, Molly. That girl has no more notion of the difficulties it
+costs us to be what we are, and where we are, than if she was n't one of
+the family. She's a regular Dodd, and no more need be said.
+</p>
+<p>
+The next day, you may be sure, was n't an idle one. We had to pack all
+our things, to get a new livery made for Paddy Byrne, and to hire a
+travelling-carriage, so that we might make our appearance in a style
+becoming us. Betty, too, had to be drilled how she was to behave in a
+great house full of servants, and taught not to expose us by any of her
+outlandish ways. Mary Anne had her up to eat before her, and teach her
+various politenesses; but the saints alone can tell how the lesson will
+prosper.
+</p>
+<p>
+We started from Rastadt in great style,&mdash;six posters, and a riding
+courier in front, to order relays on the road. Even the sight of it,
+Molly, and the tramp of the horses, and the jingle of the bells on the
+harness, all did me good, for I 'm of a susceptible nature; and what
+between my sensations at the moment, and the thought of all before us, I
+cried heartily for the first two stages.
+</p>
+<p>
+"If it overcomes you so much," said K. I., "don't you think you'd better
+turn back?"
+</p>
+<p>
+Did you ever hear brutality like that speech, Molly? I ask you, in all
+your experience of life, did you ever know of any man that could make
+himself so odious? You may be sure I did n't cry much after that! I made
+it so comfortable to him that he was glad to exchange places with Betty,
+and get into the rumble for the remainder of the journey.
+</p>
+<p>
+Betty herself, too, was in one of her blessed tempers, all because Mary
+Anne would n't let her stick all the old artificial flowers, that were
+thrown away, over her bonnet. As Mary Anne said to her, "she only wanted
+wax-candles to be like a Christmas-tree." The consequence was that she
+cried and howled all the way, till we dined; after that she slept and
+snored awfully. To mend matters, Paddy got very drunk, and had to be
+tied on the box, and drew a crowd round us, at every place we changed
+horses, by his yells. In other respects the journey was agreeable.
+</p>
+<p>
+We supped at a place called Offenburg; and, indeed, I thought we 'd
+never get away from it, for K. I. found out that the landlord could
+speak English, and was, besides, a great farmer; and, in spite of
+Mary Anne and myself, he had the man in to supper, and there they sat,
+smoking, and drinking, and prosing about clover and green crops
+and flax, and such things, till past midnight. However, it did one
+thing,&mdash;it made K. I. good-humored for the rest of the way; for the
+truth is, Molly, the nature of the man is unchanged, and, I believe,
+unchangeable. Do what we will, take him where we may, give him all the
+advantages of high life and genteel society, but his heart will still
+cling to yearling heifers and ewes; and he'd rather be at Ballinasloe
+than a ball at Buckingham Palace.
+</p>
+<p>
+We ought to have been at Freyburg in time to sleep, but we did n't get
+there till breakfast hour. I 'm mighty particular about all the names of
+these places, Molly, for it will amuse you to trace our journey on the
+celestial globe in the schoolroom, and then you'll perceive how we are
+going "round the world" in earnest.
+</p>
+<p>
+After breakfast we went to see the cathedral of the town. It is really
+a fine sight; and the carving that's thrown away in dark, out-of-the-way
+places, would make two other churches. The most beautiful thing of all,
+however, is an image of the Virgin, sheltering under her cloak more than
+a dozen cardinals and bishops. She is looking down at the creatures&mdash;for
+they are all made small in comparison&mdash;with an angelical smile, as much
+as to say, "Keep quiet, and nobody will see you." I suppose she wants
+to get them into heaven "unknownst;" or, as James rather irreverently
+expressed it, "going to do it by a dodge." To judge by their faces, they
+are not quite at their ease; they seem to think that their case isn't
+too good, and that it will go hard with them if they 're found out! And
+I suppose, my dear Molly, that's the way with the best of us. Sure, with
+all our plotting and scheming for the good of our children, after lives
+of every kind of device, ain't we often masses of corruption?&mdash;isn't our
+very best thoughts, sometimes, wicked enough? Them was exactly my own
+meditations, as I sat alone in a dark corner of the church, musing and
+reflecting, and only brought to myself as I heard K. I. fighting with
+one of the "beagles"&mdash;I think they call them&mdash;about a bad groschen in
+change!
+</p>
+<p>
+"I'm never in a heavenly frame of mind, K. I." said I to him, "that you
+don't bring me back to earthly feelings with your meanness."
+</p>
+<p>
+"If you told me you were going to heaven, Mrs. D.," said he, "I would
+n't have brought you out of it for worlds!"
+</p>
+<p>
+It did n't need the grin that he gave, to show me what the meaning of
+this speech was. The old wretch said as much as that he wished me dead
+and buried; so I just gave him a look, and passed out of the church with
+contempt. Oh, Molly, Molly, whatever may be your spire in life, never
+descend from it for a husband!
+</p>
+<p>
+You 'll laugh when I tell you that we left this place by the Valley of
+Hell. That's the name of it; and so far as gloom and darkness goes,
+not a bad name either. It is a deep, narrow glen, with only room for a
+narrow road at the bottom of it, and over your head the rocks seem ready
+to tumble down and crush you to atoms. Instead, too, of getting through
+it as fast as we could, K. I. used to stop the carriage, and get out
+to "examine the position," as he called it; for it seems that a great
+French general once made a wonderful retreat through this same pass
+years ago. K. I. and James had bought a map, and this they used to
+spread out on the ground; and sometimes they got into disputing about
+the name of this place or that, so that the Valley of Hell had its share
+of torments for me and Mary Anne before we got out of it.
+</p>
+<p>
+At a little lake called the "Titi See"&mdash;be sure you look for it on the
+globe, and you'll know it by a small island in it with willow-trees&mdash;we
+found that the Baron had sent horses to meet us, and eight miles more
+brought us to the place of our destiny. I own to you, Molly, that I
+could have cried with sheer disappointment, when I found we were in
+the demesne without knowing it. I was always looking out for a grand
+entrance,&mdash;maybe an archway between two towers, like Nockslobber Castle,
+or an elegant cut-stone building, with a lodge at each side, like Dolly
+Mount; but there we were, Molly, driving through deep clay roads, with
+great fields of maize at each side of us, and neither a gate nor a
+hedge,&mdash;not a bit of paling to be seen anywhere. There were trees
+enough, but they were ugly pines and firs, or beech, with all the lower
+branches lopped away for firewood. We had two miles or more of this
+interesting landscape, and then we came out upon a great wide space
+planted with mangel and beetroot, and all cut up with little drains, or
+canals of running water; and in the middle of this, like a great, big,
+black, dirty jail, stood the Castle of Wolfenfels. I give you my first
+impressions honestly, Molly, because, on nearer acquaintance, I have
+lived to see them changed.
+</p>
+<p>
+I must say our reception drove all other thoughts away. The old Baron
+was confined to his room with the gout, and could n't come down to meet
+us; but the discharge of cannon, the sounds of music, and the joyful
+shouts of the people&mdash;of whom there were some hundreds assembled&mdash;was
+really imposing.
+</p>
+<p>
+The young Baron, too, looked far more awake and alive than he used to do
+at Bonn; and he was dressed in a kind of uniform that rather became
+him. He was overjoyed at our arrival, and kissed K. I. and James on both
+cheeks, and made them look very much ashamed before all the people.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Never was my poor castle so much honored," said he, "since the King
+of&mdash;somewhere I forget&mdash;came to pass the night here with my ancestor,
+Conrad von Wolfenschafer; and that was in the sixth century."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Begad, it's easy to see you have had no encumbered estates court," said
+K. I., "or you would n't be here to tell us that."
+</p>
+<p>
+"My ancestor did not hold from the King," said he. "He was not what you
+call a vessel!"
+</p>
+<p>
+K. I. laughed, and only said, "Faith, there's many of us mighty weak
+vessels, and very leaky besides."
+</p>
+<p>
+After that he conducted us through two lines of his menials.
+</p>
+<a name="image-0021"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/488.jpg" height="489" width="689"
+alt="488
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+"I do detest to have so many 'detainers'"&mdash;he meant retainers. "I hope
+you are less annoyed in this respect."
+</p>
+<p>
+"You don't dislike them more than I do," said K. I.; "the very name
+makes me shudder."
+</p>
+<p>
+"How your fader and I agree!" said he to Mary Anne. "We are one family
+already."
+</p>
+<p>
+And we all laughed heartily as we went to our rooms. Every country has
+its own ways and habits, but I must say, Molly, that the furniture of
+these castles is very mean. There were two children's beds for K. I. and
+myself,&mdash;at least they did not look longer than the beds in the nursery
+at home,&mdash;with what K. I. called a swansdown poultice for coverlid; no
+curtains of any kind, and the pillows as big as a small mattress. Four
+oak chairs, and a looking-glass the size of your face, and a chest of
+drawers that would n't open, and that K. I. had to make serviceable
+by lifting off the marble slab on the top,&mdash;this was all our room
+contained. There were old swords and pikes hung up in abundance, and a
+tree of the family history, framed and glazed, over the chimney,&mdash;but
+these had little to do towards making the place comfortable.
+</p>
+<p>
+"He's a good farmer, anyhow," said K. I., looking out of the window. "I
+did n't see such turnips since I left England."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I suppose he has a good steward," said I, for I began to fear that K.
+I. would make some blunder, and speak to the Baron about crops, and so
+forth.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Them drills are as neat as ever I seen," said he, half to himself.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Look now, K. I.," said I to him, gravely, "make your own remarks on
+whatever you like, but remember where we are, and that it's exactly the
+same as if we were on a visit to the Duke of Leinster at home. If you
+must ask questions about farming, always say, 'How does your steward do
+this?' 'What does he think of that?' Keep in mind that the aristocracy
+does n't dirty its fingers abroad as it does in England, with
+agricultural pursuits, and that they have neither prizes for cows nor
+cottagers!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Mrs. D.," said he, turning on me like a tiger, "are you going to teach
+me polite breeding and genteel manners?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I wish to the saints I could," said I, "if the lesson was only good for
+a week."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Look now," said he, "if I detect the slightest appearance of any
+drilling or training of me,&mdash;if I ever find out that you want to impose
+me on the world for anything but what I am,&mdash;may I never do any good if
+I don't disgrace you all by my behavior!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Can you be worse?" said I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I can," said he; "a devilish deal worse."
+</p>
+<p>
+And with that he went out of the room with a bang that nearly tore the
+door off its hinges, and never came back till late in the evening.
+</p>
+<p>
+We apologized for his not appearing at dinner by saying that he
+felt fatigued, and requested that he might be permitted to sleep on
+undisturbed; and as, happily, he did go to bed when he returned, the
+excuse succeeded.
+</p>
+<p>
+So that you see, Molly, even in the midst of splendor and greatness,
+that man's temper, and the mean ways he has, keeps me in perpetual hot
+water. I know, besides, that when he is downright angry, he never cares
+for consequences, nor counts the damage of anything. He 'd just go down
+and tell the Baron that we had n't a sixpence we could call our own;
+that Dodsborough was mortgaged for three times its value; and that,
+maybe, to-morrow or next day we 'd be sold out in the Cumbered Court.
+He 'd expose me and Mary Anne without the slightest compunctuation, and
+there 's not a family secret he would n't publish in the servants' hall!
+</p>
+<p>
+Don't I remember well, when the 55th was quartered at Bruff, he used
+to boast at the mess that he could n't give his daughters a farthing
+of fortune, when any man with proper feelings, and a respect for his
+position, would have made it seem that the girls had a snug thing quite
+at their own disposal. Isn't the world ready enough, Molly, to detect
+one's little failings and shortcomings, without our going about to put
+them in the "Hue and Cry"? But that was always the way with K. I. He
+used to say, "It's no disgrace to us if we can't do this;" "It's no
+shame if we 're not rich enough for that" But I say, it is both a shame
+and a disgrace if <i>it 's found out</i>, Molly. That's the whole of it!
+</p>
+<p>
+I used to think that coming abroad might have taught him
+something,&mdash;that he 'd see the way other people lived, and similate
+himself to their manners and customs. Not a bit of it. He grows worse
+every day. He's more of a Dodd now than the hour he left home. The
+consequence is that the whole responsibility of supporting the credit of
+the family is thrown upon me and Mary Anne. I don't mean to say that we
+are unequal to the task, but surely the whole burden need n't be laid
+upon our shoulders. That we are on the spot from which I write these
+lines is all my own doing. When we first met the young Baron at Bonn, K.
+I. tried to prejudice us against him; he used to ridicule him to James
+and the girls, and went so far as to say that he was sure he was a low
+fellow!
+</p>
+<p>
+What an elegant blunder we 'd have made if we 'd took his advice! It's
+all very fine saying he does n't "look like this "&mdash;or he has n't an
+"air of that;" sure nobody can be taken by his appearance abroad. The
+scrubbiest old snuffy creatures that go shambling about with shoes too
+big for them, airing their pocket-handkerchiefs in the sun, are dukes or
+marquises, and the elegantly dressed men in light blue frocks, all frogs
+and velvet, are just bagmen or watering-place doctors. It takes time,
+and great powers of discriminality, Molly, to divide the sheep from the
+goats; but I have got to that point at last, and I 'm proud to say that
+he must be a really shrewd hand that imposes upon your humble servant.
+</p>
+<p>
+Long as this letter is, I 'd have made it longer if I had time, for
+though we 're only a short time here, I have made many remarks to myself
+about the ways and manners of foreign country life. The post, however,
+only goes out once a week, and I don't wish to lose the occasion of
+giving you the first intelligence of where we are, what we are doing,
+and what's&mdash;with the Virgin's help&mdash;before us!
+</p>
+<p>
+Up to this, it has been all hospitalities and the honors of the house,
+and I suppose, until the old Baron is up and able to see us, we 'll hear
+no more about the marriage. At all events, you may mention the matter in
+confidence to Father John and Mrs. Clancey; and if you like to tell the
+Davises, and Tom Kelly, and Margaret, I 'm sure it will be safe with
+them. You can state that the Baron is one of the first families in
+Europe, and the richest. His great-grandfather, or mother, I forget
+which, was half-sister to the Empress of Poland, and he is related,
+in some way or other, to either the Grand Turk, or the Grand-Duke of
+Moravia,&mdash;but either will do to speak of.
+</p>
+<p>
+All the cellars under the castle are, they say, filled with gold, in
+the rough, as it came out of his mines, and as he lives in what might be
+called an unostensible manner, his yearly savings is immense. I suppose
+while the old man lives the young couple will have to conform to his
+notions, and only keep a moderate establishment; but when the Lord takes
+him, I don't know Mary Anne if she 'll not make the money fly. That I
+may be spared to witness that blessed day, and see my darling child in
+the enjoyment of every happiness, and all the pleasures of wealth, is
+the constant prayer of your faithful friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+Jemima Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+P. S. If Mary Anne has finished her sketch of the castle, I'll send it
+with this. She 'd have done it yesterday, but, unfortunately, she had
+n't a bit of red she wanted for a fisherman's small-clothes,&mdash;for it
+seems they always wear red in a picture,&mdash;and had to send down to the
+town, eleven miles, for it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Address me still here when you write, and let it be soon.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0041"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XXXVII. KENNY JAMES DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE,
+</h2>
+<center>
+BRUFF.
+</center>
+<p>
+The Castle of Wolfenfels.
+</p>
+<p>
+My dear Tom,&mdash;I 'm glad old Molly has shown you Mrs. D.'s epistle,
+which, independent of its other claims, saves me all the trouble of
+explaining where we are, and how we came there. We arrived on Wednesday
+last, and since that have been living in a very quiet, humdrum kind of
+monotonous life, which, were it in Ireland, we should call, honestly,
+tiresome; but as the scene is Germany and the Black Forest, I suppose
+should be chronicled as highly romantic and interesting. To be plain,
+Tom, we inhabit a big house&mdash;they call it a castle&mdash;in the midst of a
+large expanse of maize and turnips, backed by a dense wood of pines. We
+eat and drink in a very plain sort of over-abundant and greasy
+fashion. We sleep in a thing like the drawer of a cabinet, with a large
+pincushion on our stomachs for covering. We smoke a home-grown weed,
+that has some of the bad properties of tobacco; and we ponder&mdash;at least
+I do&mdash;of how long it would take of an existence like this to make a man
+wish himself a member of the vegetable creation. Don't fancy that I'm
+growing exorbitant in my demands for pleasure and amusement, nor believe
+that I have forgotten the humdrum uniformity of my life at home. I
+remember it all, and well. I can recall the lazy hours passed in the
+sunshine of our few summer days; I can bring back to mind the wearisome
+watching of the rain as it poured down for a spell of two months
+together, when we asked each other every morning, "What's to become
+of the wheat? How are we to get in the turf, if this lasts?" The
+newspapers, too, only alternated their narratives of outrage with flood,
+and spoke of bridges, mills, and mail-coaches being carried away in
+all directions. I mention these to show you that, though "far from the
+land," not a trait of it is n't green in my memory. But still, Tom,
+there was, so to say, a tone and a keeping in the picture which
+is wanting here. Our home dulness impressed itself as a matter of
+necessity, not choice. We looked out of our window at a fine red-brick
+mansion, two miles away,&mdash;where we 've drunk many a bottle of claret,
+and in younger days danced the "White Cockade" till morning,&mdash;and we see
+it a police-station, or mayhap a union. A starved dog dashes past the
+door with a hen in his mouth; we recognize him as the last remnant of
+poor Fetherstone's foxhounds, now broken up and gone. The smoke does n't
+rise from the midst of the little copses of beech and alder, along the
+river side; no, the cabins are all roofless, and their once inhabitants
+are now in Australia, or toiling to enrich the commonwealth of America.
+</p>
+<p>
+There is a stir and a movement going forward, it is true; but, unlike
+that which betokens the march of prosperity and gain, it only implies
+transition. Ay, Tom, all is changing around us. The gentry are going,
+the middle classes are going, and the peasant is going,&mdash;some of their
+free will, more from hard necessity. I know that the general opinion is
+favorable to all this,&mdash;in England, at least The cry is ever, "Ireland
+is improving,&mdash;Ireland will be better." But my notion is that by Ireland
+we should understand not alone the soil, the rocks, and the rivers, but
+the people,&mdash;the heart and soul and life-blood that made the island the
+generous, warm-hearted, social spot we once knew it. Take away these,
+and I no longer recognize it as my country. What matters it to me if the
+Scotchman or the Norfolk farmer is to prosper where we only could exist?
+My sympathies are not with <i>him</i>. You might as well try and console me
+for the death of my child by showing me how comfortably some other man's
+boy could sleep in his bed. I want to see Ireland prosper with Irishmen;
+and I wish it, because I know in my heart the thing is possible and
+practicable.
+</p>
+<p>
+I 'm old enough&mdash;and, indeed, so are you&mdash;to remember when the English
+used to be satisfied to laugh at our blunders and our bulls, and
+ridicule our eccentricities; but the spirit of the times is changed,
+and now they 've taken to rail at us, and abuse us, as if we were the
+greatest villains in Europe. They assume the very tone the Yankee adopts
+to the Red Man, and frankly say, "You must be extirpated!" Hence the
+general flight that you now witness. Men naturally say, "Why cling to
+a land that is no longer secure to us? Why link our destinies to a soil
+that may be denied to us to-morrow?" And the English will be sorry for
+this yet. Take my word for it, Tom, they 'll rue it! Paddy, by reason of
+his poverty and his taste for adventure, and a touch of romance in his
+nature, was always ready to enlist. He did n't know what might not turn
+out of it. He knew that Wellington was an Irishman, and, faith, he had
+only to read very little to learn that most of the best men came from
+the same country. Luck might, then, stand to him, and, at all events, it
+was n't a bad change from four-pence a day, stone-breaking!
+</p>
+<p>
+Now, John Bull took another view of it. <i>He</i> was better off at home.
+He had n't a spark of adventure about him. His only notion of worldly
+advancement led through money. You 'll not catch him becoming a soldier.
+Every year will make him less and less disposed to the life. Cheapen
+food and luxuries, reduce tariffs and the cost of foreign produce,
+and the laborer will think twice before he 'll give up home and its
+comforts, to be, as the song says,&mdash;
+</p>
+<pre>
+     "Proud as a goat,
+     With a fine scarlet coat,
+     And a long cap and feather."
+</pre>
+<p>
+Turn over these things in your mind, Tom, and see if England has not
+made a great mistake in eradicating the very class she might have
+reckoned upon in any warlike emergency. Take my word for it, it is a
+fine thing to have at your disposal a hundred thousand fellows who can
+esteem a shilling a day a high premium, and who are not too well off in
+the world to be afraid of leaving it! How did I come here at all? What
+has led me into this digression? I protest to you solemnly, Tom, I don't
+know. I can only say that my hand trembles, and my head throbs with
+indignation, as I think over this insolent cant that tells us that
+Ireland has no chance of prosperity save in ceasing to be Irish. It is
+worse than a lie,&mdash;it is a mean, cowardly slander!
+</p>
+<p>
+I must leave off this till my brain is calmer: besides, whether it is
+the light wines I 'm drinking, or my anger has brought it on, but I 've
+just got a terrible twinge of gout in my right foot.
+</p>
+<p>
+Tuesday Evening.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have passed a miserable twenty-four hours. They 've all the incentives
+to gout in this country, and yet they don't appear to have the commonest
+remedies against it. I sent Belton's recipe to be made up at the
+apothecaries', and they had never as much as heard of one of the
+ingredients! They told me to regulate my diet, and be careful to avoid
+acids,&mdash;and this, while I was bellowing like a bull with pain. It was
+like replying to my request for a shirt, by saying that they were going
+to sow flax in August It 's their confounded cookery, and the vinegar we
+wash it down with, has given me this!
+</p>
+<p>
+The old housekeeper at last took compassion on my sufferings, and made
+me up a kind of broth of herbs that nearly finished me. She assured
+me that they all grew wild in the fields, and were freely eaten by the
+cattle. I can only say it's well that Nebuchadnezzar was n't put out to
+graze here! Sea-sickness was a mild nausea compared to it I 'm better
+now; but so low and so depressed, and with such loss of energy, that in
+a discussion with Mrs. D. about Mary Anne's "trousseau," as they call
+it, I gave in to everything!
+</p>
+<p>
+Since this attack seized me, events have made a great progress; indeed,
+a suspiciously minded person would n't scruple to say that a mild poison
+had been administered to me to forward the course of negotiations; and
+in my heart and soul I believe that another bowl of the same broth would
+make me consent to my daughter's union with the Bey of Tunis! The poor
+old Dean of Lurra used to say of the Baths of Kreutznach, "I 've lost
+enough flesh in three weeks to make a curate!"&mdash;and, indeed, when I look
+at myself in the glass, I turn involuntarily around to see where's the
+rest of me!
+</p>
+<p>
+Meanwhile, as I said, all has been arranged and settled, and the
+marriage is fixed for an early day in the coming week. I suppose it's
+all for the best I take it that the match is a very great one; but I own
+to you frankly, Tom, I 'd have fewer misgivings if the dear child was
+going to be the wife of some respectable man of her own country, though
+he had neither a castle to live in nor a title to bestow.
+</p>
+<p>
+Foreigners are essentially and totally different from us in everything;
+and marrying one of them is, to my thinking, the very next thing to
+being united to some strange outlandish beast, as one reads of in fairy
+tales. I suppose that my prejudice is a very mean and narrow-minded one;
+but I can't get rid of it. It looks churlish and cold-hearted in me that
+I cannot show the same joy on the occasion that the others display; but,
+with all my efforts, and the very best will, I can't do it, Tom. The
+bridegroom, too, is not to my taste: he is one of those moping, dreamy,
+moonstruck fellows, that pass their lives in an imaginary sphere of
+thought and action; and, to <i>my</i> thinking, these people are distasteful
+to the world at large, and insufferable to their wives.
+</p>
+<p>
+I think I see that Mary Anne already anticipates he will prove a
+stubborn subject. Her mother, however, gives her courage and support.
+She gently insinuates, too, that worse cases have been treated
+successfully. Lord help us, it's a strange world!
+</p>
+<p>
+As to the material features of the affair,&mdash;I mean as regards means and
+fortune,&mdash;he appears to have more than enough, yet not so much as to
+prevent his giving a very palpable hint to me about what I intended
+to give my daughter. He made the overture with a most laudable candor,
+though, I own, with no excess of delicacy. James, however, had in a
+manner prepared me for it, and mentioned that I was indebted for this
+gratification, as I am for a variety of others, to Mrs. D. It seems
+that, by way of giving a very imposing notion of our possessions, she
+had cut the county map out of O'Kelly's old Gazetteer, and passed it
+off for the survey of our estate. Of course I could n't disavow the
+statement, and have been reduced to the pleasant alternative of settling
+on my daughter about five baronies and twenty townlands of Tipperary,
+with no inconsiderable share of villages and hamlets. Some old leases,
+an insurance policy, and a writ against myself have served me for
+title-deeds; and though the young Baron pores over them for hours with
+a dictionary, thanks to the figurative language of the law, they have
+defied detection!
+</p>
+<p>
+The father is still too ill to receive me, but each day I am promised an
+interview with him. Of what benefit to either of us it is to prove, may
+be guessed from the fact that we cannot speak to each other. You will
+perceive from all this, Tom, that I am by no means enamored of our
+approaching greatness; and it is but fair to state that James is
+even less so. He calls the Baron a "snob;" and probably, in all the
+fashionable vocabulary of an enlightened age, a more depreciatory
+epithet could not be discovered. What a sham and a humbug is all the
+parade we make of our parental affection, and what a gross cheat, too,
+do we practise upon ourselves by it! We train up a girl from infancy
+with every care and devotedness,&mdash;we surround her with all the luxuries
+our means can compass, and every affection of our hearts,&mdash;and we give
+her away, for "better and for worse," to the first fellow that offers
+with what seems a reasonable chance of being able to support her!
+</p>
+<p>
+Many of us would n't take a butler with the scanty knowledge we accept a
+son-in-law. His moral qualities, his disposition, the habits he has been
+reared in,&mdash;what do we know of them? Less than nothing! And yet, while
+we ask about these, and twenty more, of the man to whom we are about to
+confide the key of our cellar, we intrust the happiness of our child
+to an unknown individual, the only ascertained fact about whom&mdash;if even
+that be so&mdash;is his income!
+</p>
+<p>
+As I should like to tell you every step I take in this affair, I'll not
+send off my letter till I can give you the latest information. Meanwhile
+let me impress upon you that it is now three months since I received
+a shilling from Ireland. James has just informed me that there is not
+fifty pounds left of the McCarthy legacy, of which his mother only gave
+him permission to draw for three hundred. The debate upon this, when
+it comes, will be strong. What I intend is that immediately after Mary
+Anne's marriage we should return to Ireland; but of course I reserve the
+declaration for a fitting opportunity, since I well know how it will be
+received. Cary would never marry a foreigner, nor would anything induce
+me to consent to her doing so. James is only frittering away his best
+years here in idleness and dissipation; and if I can get nothing for him
+from the Government, he must emigrate to Australia or New Zealand. As
+for Mrs. D., the sooner she gets home to Dodsborough the better for her
+health, her means, and her morals!
+</p>
+<p>
+I am afraid to say a word about Ireland and Irish affairs, for as sure
+as I do I stick fast there; still I must say that I think you 're wrong
+for abusing those members that have accepted office from Government. Put
+it to yourself, my dear Tom; if anybody offered you fifty pounds for the
+old gray mare you drive into market of a Saturday, would you set about
+explaining that she was blind of an eye, and a roarer, with a splint
+before, and a spavin behind? Would n't you rather expatiate upon her
+blood and breeding, her endurance of fatigue, and her fine trotting
+action? I don't know you if you would n't! Well, it's just the same with
+these fellows. Briefless lawyers and distressed gentlemen as they are,
+why should they say to the Ministry, "You're giving too much for us; we
+can neither speak for you nor write for you; we have neither influence
+at home, nor power abroad; we are a noisy, riotous, disorderly set of
+devils, always quarrelling amongst ourselves, and never agreeing, except
+when there 's a bit of robbery or roguery to be done; don't think of
+buying <i>us</i>; it is a clear waste of public money; we 'd only disgrace
+and not benefit you"? If anybody is to be blamed, it is the Ministers
+that bought them, Tom.
+</p>
+<p>
+As to all your disputed questions of education, tenant-right, and
+taxation, take my word for it you have no chance of settling them
+amicably; and for this reason: a great number of excellent men, on both
+sides, have pledged themselves so strongly to particular opinions that
+they cannot decently recant, and yet they begin to see many points in
+a different view, and would, were the matter to come fresh before them,
+treat it in another fashion. If you really wish to see Ireland better,
+try and get people to let her alone for some fifteen or twenty years.
+She is nearly ruined by doctoring. Just wait a bit, and see if the
+natural goodness of constitution won't do more for her than all your
+nostrums.
+</p>
+<p>
+James has just interrupted me, to say that he has shot "the partridge,"
+for it seems there was only one in the country. That's the fruits of
+revolution. Before the year '48, this part of Germany abounded in game
+of every sort&mdash;partridges, hares, and quails, in immense abundance,
+besides plenty of deer on the hills, and that excellent bird the
+"Auer-Hahn," which is like the black-cock we have at home. When the
+troubles came, the peasants shot everything; and now the whole breed
+of game is extinct. They tell me it is the same throughout Bohemia and
+Hungary,&mdash;the two best sporting countries in all Europe. Foreigners were
+never oppressed with game-laws as we are; there was a far wider liberty
+enjoyed by them in this respect, and, in consequence, the privileges
+were less abused; so that really the wholesale destruction is much to
+be regretted. But is it not exactly what always follows in every case of
+popular domination? The masses love excess, and are never satisfied with
+anything short of it. I don't pretend to say that the Germans had not
+good and valid reasons for being dissatisfied with their Governments.
+I believe, in my heart, it would be difficult to imagine a more stupid
+piece of ingenuous blundering than a German Administration; and this is
+the less excusable when one thinks of the people over whom they rule.
+</p>
+<p>
+The excesses of that same year of '48 will be the stock-in-trade for
+these grinding Governments for many a day to come. It is like a "barring
+out" to a cruel schoolmaster; the excuse for any violence he may wish to
+indulge in. At the same time I say this, I tell you frankly that none
+of the foreigners I have yet seen are fit for the system of a
+representative Government. From whatever causes I know not, but they are
+less patient, less given to calm investigation, than the English. Their
+perceptions are as quick&mdash;perhaps quicker&mdash;but they will not weigh the
+consequences of conflicting interests, and, above all, they will not put
+any restrictions upon their own liberty for the benefit of the community
+at large. Their origin, climate, traditions, and so forth, of course
+influence them greatly; but I have a notion, Tom, that our domesticity
+has a very considerable share in the formation of that temperate and
+obedient spirit so observable amongst us. I think I see the sly dimple
+that 's deepening in the corner of your mouth as you murmur to yourself,
+"Kenny James is thinking of his Mrs. D. He's pondering over the natural
+results of home discipline." But that is not what I mean, at least it
+is not the whole of it. My theory is that a family is the best
+training-school for the virtues that prosper in a well-ordered State,
+and that the little incidents of home life have a wonderful bearing
+upon, and similarity to, the great events that stir mankind.
+</p>
+<p>
+I was going to become very abstruse and incomprehensible, I've no doubt,
+on this theme, but Mrs. D. just dropped in with a small catalogue of
+some three hundred and twenty-one articles Mary Anne requires for her
+wedding.
+</p>
+<p>
+I ventured to hint that her mother entered the connubial state with
+a more modest preparation; and hereupon arose one of those lively
+discussions now so frequent between us, in which, amidst other desultory
+and miscellaneous remarks, she drew a graphic contrast between marrying
+a man of rank and title, and "making a low connection that has forever
+served to alienate the affection of one's family."
+</p>
+<p>
+Will you tell me what peculiarity there is in the atmosphere, or the
+food, or the electric influences abroad, that have made a woman that was
+at least occasionally reasonable at home a most unmanageable fury on the
+Continent? I don't want to deny that we had our little differences at
+Dodsborough, but they were "tiffs,"&mdash;-mere skirmishes,&mdash;but here they
+are downright pitched battles, Tom. She will have it so, too. She won't
+exchange a few shots and retire, but she comes up in line, with her
+heavy artillery, and seems resolved to have a day of it! If this blessed
+tour brought me no other pleasures than these, I 'd have reason to thank
+it! You, of course, are quite ready to assert that the fault is as
+much mine as hers,&mdash;that I provoke contradiction,&mdash;that I even invite
+conflict! There you are perfectly in the wrong! I do, I acknowledge,
+intrench myself in a strong position, and only fire an occasional shot
+at any tempting exposure of the enemy; but she comes on by storm and
+escalade, and, sparing neither age nor sex, never stops till she's in
+the very heart of the citadel. That I come out maimed, crippled, and
+disabled from such encounters, is not to be wondered at.
+</p>
+<p>
+Amongst the other signs of progress of our enlightened age, a very
+remarkable one is the habit, now become a law, for everybody with any
+pretensions to the rank of a gentleman, to live in the same style, or,
+at least, with as close an imitation as he can of it, as persons of
+large fortune. Men like myself were formerly satisfied with giving their
+friends a little sherry and port at dinner, continued afterwards, till
+some considerate friend begged, "as a favor," for a glass of punch. Now
+we start with Madeira after the soup, if you have n't had oysters and
+chablis before, hock with your first <i>entrée</i>, and champagne afterwards,
+graduating into Chambertin with "the roast," and Pacquarete with the
+dessert, claret, at double the price it costs in Ireland, closing the
+entertainment. Why, a duke cannot do more than Kenny Dodd at this rate!
+To be sure the cookery will be more refined, and the wines in higher
+condition. Moët will be iced to its due point, and Chateau Margaux will
+be served in a carefully aired decanter; but the cost, the outlay, will
+be fully as much in one case as the other. Have we&mdash;that is to say,
+humble men like myself&mdash;gained by this in an intellectual or social
+point of view? Not a bit of it! We have lost all that easy cordiality
+that was native to us in our former condition, and we have not become as
+coldly polite and elegantly tiresome as the grand folk.
+</p>
+<p>
+The same system obtains in other matters. <i>My</i> daughter must be dressed
+on her wedding-day like Lady Olivia or Lady Jemima, who has a father a
+marquis, and fifty thousand pounds settled on her for pin-money.
+</p>
+<p>
+The globe has to become tributary to the marriage of Mary Anne! Cashmere
+sends a shawl; Lyons, silk; and Genoa, velvet; furs from Hudson's Bay,
+and feathers from Mexico; Valenciennes and Brussels contribute lace;
+Paris reserving for her peculiar snare the architectural skill that
+is to combine these costly materials, and construct out of them that
+artistic being they call a "bride." Taking a wife with nothing "but the
+clothes on her back" used to be the expression of a most disinterested
+marriage. Now it might mean anything between Swan and Edgar's and Howell
+and James's, or, to state it differently, between moderate embarrassment
+and irretrievable ruin!
+</p>
+<p>
+If you ask me how I am to pay for all this, or when, I tell you honestly
+and fairly, I don't know. As well as I can make out the last accounts
+you sent me, we 're getting deeper into debt every day; but as figures
+always distract and puzzle me, I'd rather you'd put the case into
+something like a statement in words, just saying when we may expect a
+remittance, and how much it will be. I find that I shall lose the mail
+if I don't cease at once; but I 'll send you a few lines by to-morrow's
+post, as I have something important to say, but can't remember it now.
+</p>
+<p>
+Yours, ever sincerely,
+</p>
+<p>
+Kenny James Dodd.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0042"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XXXVIII. KENNY JAMES DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+</h2>
+<p>
+My dear Tom,&mdash;The post hadn't left this five minutes yesterday, when I
+remembered what I wanted to say to you. Wednesday, the 26th, is fixed
+for the happy occasion; and if nothing should intervene, you may insert
+the following paragraph in the "Tipperary Press," under the accustomed
+heading of "Marriage in High Life": "The Baron Adolf Heinrich
+Conrad Hapsburg von Wolfenschafer, Lord of the Manors of Hohendeken,
+Kalbsbratenhausen, and Schweinkraut, to Mary Anne, eldest daughter of
+Kenny James Dodd, Esq., of Dodsborough, in this county." Faith, Tom, I
+was near saying "universally regretted by a large circle of afflicted
+survivors," for I was just wishing myself dead and buried! But you must
+put it in the usual formula of "beautiful and accomplished," and take
+care it is not applied to the bridegroom, for, upon my conscience, his
+claim to the first epithet couldn't be settled by even a Parliamentary
+title! My heart is heavy about it all, and I wish it was over!
+</p>
+<p>
+If anything exemplifies the vanity of human wishes, it is our efforts to
+marry our daughters, and our regrets when the plans succeed. Tom goes
+to India, and Billy to sea, and there is scarcely a gap in the family
+circle. "The boys" were seldom at home,&mdash;they were shooting in Scotland,
+or hunting in England, or fishing in Norway. They never, so to say, made
+part of the effective garrison of the house; they came and went with
+that rackety good-humor that even in quiet families is pleasurable; but
+your girls are household gods: lose <i>them</i>, even one of them, and the
+altar is despoiled. The thousand little unobtrusive duties, noiseless
+cares, that make home better a hundred-fold than anywhere else, be
+it ever so rich and splendid, the unasked solicitude, the watchful
+attention that provides for your little daily wants and habits, are all
+<i>their</i> province. And just fancy, then, what scheming and intriguing we
+practise to get rid of them! You 'll say that this shows we are above
+the selfishness of only considering our own enjoyment, and that we
+sacrifice all for their happiness. There you mistake; our sole aim is
+a rich man,&mdash;our one notion of a good marriage is that the husband be
+wealthy. It's not a man like myself, who has sometimes paid fifty, ay,
+sixty per cent for money, that can afford to sneer at and despise it;
+but this I will say, that the mere possession of it will not suffice for
+happiness. I know fellows with fifteen thousand a year that have not
+the heart to spend five hundred. I know others that, with as much, are
+always over head and ears in debt, raising cash everywhere and anyhow!
+What kind of life must a girl lead that marries either of these? And
+yet would you or I think of refusing such a match for a daughter? Let me
+tell you, Tom, that for people of small fortune, the nunneries were fine
+things! What signifies serge and simple diet to the wearisome drudgery
+of a governess! If I was a woman, I think I'd rather sit in my quiet
+cell, working an embroidered suit of body clothes for Father O'Leary,
+than I'd be snubbed by the family of some vulgar citizen, tortured by
+the brats, and insulted by the servants.
+</p>
+<p>
+I don't suppose that it signifies a straw one way or other, but I
+feel some compunctions of conscience at the way I have been assigning
+imaginary estates, mines, woods, and collieries to Mary Anne for the
+last three days. I know it's mere greed makes the Baron so eager on the
+subject, since he is enormously wealthy. James and I rode twelve miles,
+this morning, through a forest that belongs to the castle, and the
+arable land stretches more than that distance in another direction; but
+who knows how he 'll behave when he discovers she has nothing! To
+be sure, we can always ascribe our ruin to political causes, and, in
+verification, exhibit ourselves as poor as need be; but still I don't
+like it And this is one of the blessed results of a false position,&mdash;one
+step in a wrong direction very frequently necessitates a long journey.
+Yesterday I protested to my affluence; to-day I vouched for the nobility
+of my family. Heaven only can tell what I won't swear to to-morrow! And
+again I am interrupted by Mrs. D., who has just come to inform me that
+though the bride's finery can all be had at Paris,&mdash;whither the
+happy couple are to repair for the honeymoon,&mdash;there are certain
+indispensables must be obtained at once from Baden; and she begs that
+I will privately write a few lines to Morris, who will, of course,
+undertake the commission. It is not without shame that I enclose a list
+of purchases to make, which, to a man who knew what we were in Ireland,
+will appear preposterous; but the false position we have attained to is
+surrounded with interminable mortifications of the same kind.
+</p>
+<p>
+Ah, Tom! I remember the time when, if a bride changed her smart white
+silk and muslin that she wore at the altar for a good brown or blue
+satin pelisse to travel in, we thought her a miracle of fashion and
+finery; but now the millinery of a wedding is the principal thing. There
+is a stereotyped formula, out of which there is no hope of conjugal
+happiness; and the bride that begins life without Brussels lace enters
+upon her career with gloomy omens! Now, a scarf of this alone costs
+thirty guineas; you may, if you like, go as high as a hundred and fifty.
+Why can't people wait for the ruin that is so sure to overtake them,
+without forestalling it in this way? Twenty pounds for clothes, and a
+trip to Castle Connel or Kilkee for the honeymoon, would have satisfied
+every wish of Alary Anne's heart in Ireland; and if she drove away in a
+post-chaise with four horses for the first stage, she 'd have been the
+envy of all the marriageable girls for miles round.
+</p>
+<p>
+But now I have had to ask Morris to buy a travelling-carriage, because
+Mrs. D., in one of those expansions of splendor that occasionally attack
+her, said to the Baron, "Oh, take one of our carriages, we have left
+several of them at Baden." The excellent woman cannot be brought to
+perceive that romance of this kind is a most expensive amusement. I have
+drawn a bill on you for four hundred at three months, to meet these, and
+sent it to Morris to "get done." I hope he 'll succeed, and I hope you
+'ll pay it when it comes due; so that come what will, Tom, my intentions
+are honorable!
+</p>
+<p>
+If Mrs. D. and myself had been upon better terms, we might have
+discussed this marriage question more fully and confidentially, but
+there are now so many cabinet difficulties that we rarely hold a
+council, and when we do, we are sure to disagree. This is another
+blessed result of our continentalizing. Home had its duties, and with
+them came that spirit of concord and agreement so essential to family
+happiness; but in this vagabond kind of existence, where every-thing is
+feigned, unreal, and unnatural, all concert and confidence is completely
+lost.
+</p>
+<p>
+Now I have told you frankly and fairly everything about us, and don't
+take advantage of my candor by giving advice, for there is nothing
+in this world I have so little taste for. There's no man above the
+condition of an idiot that is n't thoroughly aware of his failings and
+shortcomings, but all that knowledge does n't bring him an inch nearer
+the cure of them. Do you think I 'm not fully alive to everything
+you could say of my wasteful habits, my improvidence, indolence,
+irritability, and so forth? I know them all better than you do,&mdash;ay, and
+I feel them acutely, too, for I know them to be incurable! Reformation,
+indeed! Do you know when a man gives up dancing, Tom? When he's too
+stiff in the knees for it. There's the whole philosophy of life. When
+we grow wiser, as they are pleased to call it, it is always in spite of
+ourselves!
+</p>
+<p>
+I find that by enclosing this to Morris, he can forward it to you by the
+bag of the Legation. Once more let me remind you of our want of cash,
+and believe me, very faithfully your friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+P. S. Address me "Freyburg, to be forwarded to the Schloss, Wolfenfels."
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0043"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XXXIX. BETTY COBB TO MRS. SHUSAN O'SHEA, PRIEST'S HOUSE, BRUFF.
+</h2>
+<p>
+Dear Mrs. Shusan,&mdash;I was meaning to write to you for the last week, but
+could n't by reason of the conflagration I was in, for sure any poor
+girl might feel it, seeing that I was far away among furriners, and had
+nobody to advise, barrin' the evil counsels of my wicked heart. We cam
+here two weeks gone, on a visit to the father of the young man that 's
+going to marry "Mary Anne." It's a great big ould place, like the jail
+at Limerick, only darker, with little windows, and a flite of stairs out
+of every corner in it. And the furnishing is n't a bit newer. It's a bit
+of rag here and a rag there, an ould cabbinet, a hard sofa, and maybe
+four wooden chairs that would take a ladder to get into! Eatin' and
+drinkin' likewise the same. Biled beef&mdash;biled first for the broth,
+and sarved afterwards with cow-comers, sliced and steeped in oil&mdash;the
+Heavens preserve us! Then a dish of roast vale, with rasberry jam and
+musheroons, for they tries the human stomich with every ingradiant
+they can think of! But the great favorite of all is a salad made out of
+potatoes, biled bard, sliced and pickled the same way as the cow-comers!
+A bowl of that, Mrs. Shusan, after a long dinner, makes you feel as full
+as a tick, and if the house was afire I could n't run! To be sure, when
+the meal is over everybody sits down to coffee, and does n't distress
+themselves about anything for a matter of two hours. And, indeed, I must
+make the remark that "manials" isn't as badly treated anywhere in the
+whole 'versal globe as in Ireland, and if it was n't that I hear the
+people is runnin' away o' themselves, I 'd write a letter to the papers
+about it! 'T is exactly like pigs you are, no better; potatoes and
+butter-milk all the year round! deny it if you can. Could you offer a
+pig less wages than four pound a year?
+</p>
+<p>
+I must say, too, Shusan, that eatin' one's fill molly-fies ther nature,
+and subdues ther hasty dispositions in a wonderful way; I know it
+myself; and that after a strong supper now I can bear more from the
+mistress than I used at home, only giving a sigh now and then out of the
+fulness of my heart. But it's not them things I wanted to tell you, but
+of the state of my infections. Don't be angry with me, Mrs. Shusan. I
+don't forget the iligant lessons you gave me long ago, about thrusting
+the men; I know well how thrue every word you said is. They 're
+base, and wicked, and deceatful! Flatterin' us when we 're young and
+beautiful, and gibin' and jeerin' when we 're ould as yourself! But
+what's the use of fiting agin the will of Providence? Sure, if he
+intended us to have better husbands it's not them craytures he'd have
+left us to! My sentiments is these, Shusy: 'Tis a way of chastezin'
+us is marriage! The throubles and tumults we have with a man are our
+crosses, and it's only cowardly to avoid them. Meet your feat, say I,
+whatever it be,&mdash;whether it be a man or the measles, don't be afraid!
+</p>
+<p>
+I 'm shure and sartain it's nothing but fear makes young girls go and be
+nuns; they're afraid, and no wonder, of the wickedness of the world; but
+somehow, Shusan, like everything else in this life, one gets used to it.
+I know it well, there 's many a thing I see now, without minding, that
+long ago I dared not look at. "Live and learn," they say, and there's
+nothing so thrue! And talking of that, you 'd be shocked to see how Mary
+Anne goes on wid the young Baron. She, that would scarce let poor Doctor
+Belton spake to her alone. We meet them walk in' in the lonesomest
+places together; and Taddy and I never goes into the far part of the
+wood without seeing them! And that's not all of it, my dear, but she
+must get the mistress to give me a lecture about going off myself with a
+man.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Does n't your daughter do it, ma'am?" says I. "Is all the wickedness of
+this world," says I, "to be kept for one's betters?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Do you call marriage wickedness?" says she.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Sometimes it is, ma'am," says I, with a look she understood well.
+</p>
+<p>
+"You 're a huzzy," says she; "and I 'll give you warnin' next Saturday."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I'll take it now," says I, "ma'am, for I'm going to better myself."
+</p>
+<p>
+If ye saw her face, Shusy, as I said this! She knows in her heart that
+she could n't get on at all without me. Not a word of a furrin lingo
+can she say; and I 'm obleeged to traduce her meanin' to all the other
+sarvants! And, indeed, that's the way I become such an iligant linguist;
+and it's no differ to me now between talkin' French and Jarman,&mdash;I make
+them just the same!
+</p>
+<p>
+I was n't in my room when Mary Anne was after me.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Ain't you a fool, Betty?" says she, puttin' a hand on my shoulder.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Maybe I am, miss," says I; "but there 's others fools as well as me!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"But I mean," says she, "isn't it silly to fall out with mamma,&mdash;that
+was always so good, and so kind, and so fond of you?"
+</p>
+<p>
+I saw at once, Shusy, how the wind was, and so I just went on folding up
+my collars and settling my things without a word.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I 'm sure," says she, "you could n't leave her in a faraway country
+like this!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"The dearest friends must part, miss," says I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Not to speak of your own desolate and deserted condition," says she.
+</p>
+<p>
+"There's them that won't lave me dissolute and disconsoled, miss,"
+says I. And with that, Shusy, I told her that Taddy Hetzler had made me
+honorable proposals.
+</p>
+<p>
+"But you 'd not think of Taddy," says she. "He 's only a herd," says
+she.
+</p>
+<p>
+"We must take what we can get, miss," says I, "and be thanklul in this
+life."
+</p>
+<p>
+And she blushed red up to the eyes, Shusy; for she knew well what I
+meant by <i>that!</i>
+</p>
+<p>
+"But a nice girl, and a purty girl like you, Betty," says she,
+"<i>slendering</i>" me, "is n't it throwing yourself away? Sure, ye have only
+to wait a little to make an iligant match here on the Continent. Don't
+be precipitouous," says she, "but see the effect you'll make with that
+beautiful pink gownd;" and here, Shusan, she gave me all as one as a
+bran new silk of the mistress's, with five flounces, and lace trim-mins
+down the front! It's what they call glassy silk, and shines like it!
+</p>
+<p>
+"I 'm sorry, miss," says I, "that as I took the mistress's warnin', I'm
+obleeged to refuse you."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Nonsense, Betty," says she; "I'll arrange all that."
+</p>
+<p>
+"But my feelins, miss,&mdash;my feelins."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Well, I'll even engage to smoothe these," says she, laughing.
+</p>
+<p>
+And so, Shusy, I had to laugh too; for my nature is always to be easy
+and complyiant; and when anybody means well to me, they can do what they
+plaze with me. It's a weak part in my character, but I can't help it
+"I'm not able to be selfish, Miss Mary Anne," says I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"No, Betty, <i>that</i> you are not," says she, patting my cheek.
+</p>
+<p>
+But for all that, Shusy, I 'm not going to give up Taddy till I know
+why,&mdash;tho' I did n't say so to her. So I just put up the pink gownd in
+my drawer, and went up and told the mistress I'd stay; but begged she
+wouldn't try my nerves that way another time, for my constitution would
+n't bear repated shocks. I saw she was burstin' to say something, but
+dar'n't, Shusy, and she tore a lace cuff to tatters while I was talk
+in'. Well, well, there's no deny in' it, anyhow; manials has many
+troubles, but they can give a great deal of annoyance and misery if they
+set about it right You 'd like to hear about Taddy, and I 'll be candid
+and own that he is n't what would be called handsome in Ireland, though
+here he is reckoned a fine-looking man. He is six foot four and a half,
+without shoes, a little bent in the shoulders, has long red hair, and
+sore eyes; that cums from the snow, for he's out in all weathers&mdash;after
+the pigs. You 're surprised at that, and well you may; for instead of
+keeping the craytures in a house as we do, and giving them all the filth
+we can find to eat, they turns them out wild into the woods, to eat
+beech-nuts, and acorns, and chestnuts; and the beasts grow so wicked
+that it's not safe for a stranger to go near them; and even the man that
+guides them they call a "swine-fearer."(1) Taddy is one of these; and
+when he 's dressed in a goat-skin coat and cap, leather gaiters buttoned
+on his legs, and reachin' to the hips, and a long pole, with an iron
+hook and a hatchet at the end of it, and a naked knife, two feet long,
+at his side, you 'd think the pigs would be more likely to be afraid of
+<i>him!</i> Indeed, the first time I saw him come into the kitchen, with a
+great hairy dog they call a fang-hound at his heels, I schreeched out
+with frite, for I thought them&mdash;God forgive me!&mdash;the ugliest pare I ever
+set eyes on. To be sure, the green shade he wore over his eyes, and
+the beard that grew down to his breast, did n't improve him; but I 've
+trimmed him up since that; and it's only a slight squint, and two teeth
+that sticks out at the side of his mouth, that I can't remedy at all!
+</p>
+<p>
+Paddy Byrne spends his time mock in' him, and makin' pictures of him
+on the servants' hall with a bit of charcoal. It well becomes a dirty
+little spalpeen like him to make fun of a man four times his size. His
+notion of manly beauty is four foot eight, short legs, long breeches
+and gaiters, with a waistcoat over the hips, and a Jim Crow! A monkey is
+graceful compared to it!
+</p>
+<p>
+Taddy is not much given to talkin', but he has told me that he has been
+on the estate, "with the pigs," he calls it, since he was eight years
+old; and as he said, another time, that "he was nine-and-twenty years a
+herd," you can put the two together, and it makes him out thirty-three
+or thirty-four years of age. He never had any father or mother, which
+is a great advantage, and, as he remarks, "it's the same to him if there
+came another Flood and drowned all the world to-morrow!"
+</p>
+<p>
+Our plans is to live here till we can go and take a bit of land for
+ourselves; and as Taddy has saved something, and has very good idais
+about his own advantage, I trust, with the blessin' of the Virgin, that
+we 'll do very well.
+</p>
+<pre>
+     1  Perhaps the accomplished Betty has been led into this
+     pardonable mistake from the sound of the German epithet
+     "Schwein-führer."&mdash;Editor of "Dodd Correspondence."
+</pre>
+<p>
+This that I tell you now, Shusan, is all in confidence, because to the
+neighbors, and to Sam Healey, you can say that I am going to be married
+to a rich farmer that has more pigs&mdash;and that's thrue&mdash;than ye 'd see in
+Ballinasloe Fair.
+</p>
+<p>
+What distresses me most of all is, I can't make out what religion he 's
+of, if he has any at all! I try him very hard about penance and 'tarnal
+punishments, but all he says is, "When we 're married I 'll know all
+about that."
+</p>
+<p>
+As the mistress writ all about Mary Anne's marriage to Mrs. Galagher,
+at the house, I don't say anything about it; but he's an ugly crayture,
+Shusan dear, and there's a hangdog, treach'rous look about him I wonder
+any young girl could like. The servants, too, knows more of him than
+they lets on, but, by rayson of their furrin language, there's no
+coming at it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Between ourselves, she doesn't take to the marriage at all, for I seen
+her twice cryin' in her room over some ould letters; but she bundled
+them up whin she seen me, and tried to laugh.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I wonder, Betty," says she, "will I ever see Dodsbor-ough again!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Who knows, miss?" said I; "but it would be a pity if you did n't, and
+so many there that's fond of you!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I don't believe it," says she, sharp. "I don't believe there's one
+cares a bit about me!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Baithershin!" says I, mocking.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Who does?" says she; "can ye tell me even one?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Sure there 's Miss Davis," says I, "and the Kellys, and there's Miss
+Kitty Doolan, and ould Molly, not to spake of Dr. Bel&mdash;"
+</p>
+<p>
+"There, do not speak of him," says she, getting red; "the very names of
+the people make me shudder. I hope I 'll never see one of them."
+</p>
+<p>
+Now, Shusan dear, I told you all that it's in my mind, and hope you 'll
+write to me the same. If you could send me the gray cloak with the blue
+linin', and the bayver bonnet I wore last winter two years, they 'd
+be useful to me here, and you could tell the neighbors that it was new
+clothes you were sendin' me for my weddin'. Be sure ye tell me how Sam
+Healey bears it. Tell him from me, with my regards, that I hope he won't
+take to drink, and desthroy his constitution.
+</p>
+<p>
+You can write to me still as before, to your attached and true friend,
+</p>
+<p>
+Betty Cobb.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0044"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XL. KENNY I. DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    Constance, Switzerland.
+</h3>
+<p>
+My dear Tom,&mdash;Before passion gets the better of me, and I forget all
+about it, let me acknowledge the welcome arrival of your post bill
+for one hundred, but for which, Heaven knows in what additional
+embarrassment I might now be in. You will see, by the address, that I
+am in Switzerland. How we came here I 'll try and explain, if Providence
+grants me patience for the effort; this being the third time I have
+addressed myself to the task unsuccessfully.
+</p>
+<p>
+I need not refer to the situation in which my last letter to you left
+us. You may remember that I told you of the various preparations
+that were then in progress for a certain auspicious event, whose
+accomplishment was fixed for the ensuing week. Amongst others, I wrote
+to Morris for some articles of dress and finery to be procured at
+Baden, and for, if possible, a comfortable travelling-carriage, with a
+sufficiency of boxes and imperials.
+</p>
+<p>
+Of course in doing so it was necessary, or at least it was fitting, that
+I should make mention of the cause for these extraordinary preparations,
+and I did so by a very brief allusion to the coming event, and to the
+rank of my future son-in-law, the youthful Baron and heir of Wolfenfels.
+I am not aware of having said much more than this, for my letter was so
+crammed with commissions, and catalogues of purchases, that there was
+little space disposable for more intelligence. I wrote on a Monday,
+and on the following Wednesday evening I was taking a stroll with James
+through the park, chatting over the approaching event in our family,
+when a mounted postboy galloped up with a letter, which being marked
+"Most pressing and immediate," the postmaster had very properly
+forwarded to me with all expedition. It was in Morris's hand, and very
+brief. I give it to you verbatim:&mdash;
+</p>
+<pre>
+     "My dear Sir,&mdash;For Heaven's sake do not advance another step
+     in this affair. You have been grossly imposed upon. As soon
+     as I can procure horses I will join you, and expose the most
+     scandalous trick that has ever come to the knowledge of
+     yours truly,
+
+     "E. Morris.
+
+     "Post-House, Tite See.   2 o'clock p.m.   Wednesday."
+</pre>
+<p>
+You may imagine&mdash;I cannot attempt to describe&mdash;the feelings with which
+James and I read and re-read these lines. I suppose we had passed the
+letter back and forwards to each other fully a dozen times, ere either
+of us could summon composure to speak.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Do you understand it, James?" said I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"No," said he. "Do <i>you?</i>"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Not unless the scoundrel is married already," said I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"That was exactly what had occurred to me," replied he. "'Most
+scandalous trick,' are the words; and they can only mean that."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Morris is such a safe fellow,&mdash;so invariably sure of whatever he says."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Precisely the way I take it," cried James. "He is far too cautious to
+make a grave charge without ample evidence to sustain it! We may rely
+upon it that he knows what he is about."
+</p>
+<p>
+"But bigamy is a crime in Germany. They send a fellow to the galleys for
+it," said I. "Is it likely that he 'd put himself in such peril?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Who knows!" said James, "if he thought he was going to get an English
+girl of high family, and with a pot of money!"
+</p>
+<p>
+Shall I own to you, Tom, that remark of James's nearly stunned
+me,&mdash;carelessly and casually as it fell from <i>him</i>, it almost
+overwhelmed me, and I asked myself, Why should he think she was of high
+family? Why should he suppose she had a large fortune? Who was it
+that propagated these delusions? and if there really was a "scandalous
+trick," as Morris said, could I affirm that all the roguery was on one
+side? Could I come into court with clean hands, and say, "Mrs. Dodd
+has not been cheating, neither has Kenny James "? Where are these broad
+acres of arable and pasture,&mdash;these verdant forests and swelling lawns,
+that I have been bestowing with such boundless munificence? How shall we
+prove these fourteen quarterings that we have been quoting incessantly
+for the past three weeks? "No matter for <i>that</i>," thought I, at length.
+"If the fellow has got another wife, I 'll break every bone in his
+skin!" I must have pondered this sentiment aloud, for James echoed it
+even more forcibly, adding, by way of sequel, "And kick him from this to
+Rotterdam!"
+</p>
+<p>
+I mention this in detail to show that we both jumped at once to the same
+conclusion, and, having done so, never disputed the correctness of our
+guess. We now proceeded to discuss our line of action,&mdash;James advising
+that he should be "brought to book" at once; I overruling the counsel by
+showing that we could do nothing whatever till Morris arrived.
+</p>
+<p>
+"But to-morrow is fixed for the wedding!" exclaimed James.
+</p>
+<p>
+"I know it," said I, "and Morris will be here to-night. At all events,
+the marriage shall not take place till he comes."
+</p>
+<p>
+"I 'd charge him with it on the spot," cried James. "I 'd tell him,
+in plain terms, the information had come to me from an authority of
+unimpeachable veracity, and to refute it if he could."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Refute what?" said I. "Don't you see, boy, that we really are not in
+possession of any single fact,&mdash;we have not even an allegation?"
+</p>
+<p>
+I assure you, Tom, that I had to make him read the note over again, word
+by word, before he was convinced of the case.
+</p>
+<p>
+As we walked back to the castle, we talked over the affair, and turned
+it in every possible shape, both of us agreeing that we could not, with
+any safety, intrust our intelligence to the womankind.
+</p>
+<p>
+"We 'll watch him," said James; "we 'll keep an eye on him, and wait for
+Morris."
+</p>
+<p>
+I own to you my feelings distressed me to that degree I could scarcely
+enter the house, and as to appearing at supper it was clean out of the
+question. How could I bring myself to accept the shelter of a man's
+roof against whom I harbored the very worst suspicions! Could I be
+Judas enough to sit down at table with one against whom I was hatching
+exposure and shame! It was bad enough to think that my wife and daughter
+were there. As for James, he took his place at the board with such
+an expression in his features that I verily believe Banquo looked a
+pleasanter guest at Macbeth's banquet. I betook myself to the terrace,
+and walked there till midnight, watching with eye and ear towards the
+road that led from Freyburg.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Night or Blücher!" said the Duke, on the memorable field at Waterloo;
+but there was the blessing of an alternative in <i>his</i> case. <i>Mine</i> had
+none. It was Morris or nothing with <i>me</i>, And now I began anathematizing
+to myself those crusty, secret, cautious natures that are always
+satisfied when they cry "Stop!" without taking the trouble to say
+wherefore. What may be a precipice to one man, thought I, is only a step
+to another! How does <i>he</i> know that <i>his</i> notions of roguery would tally
+with <i>mine?</i> There 's many a thing they call a cheat in England we
+might think a practical joke in Ireland. The national prejudices are
+constantly in opposition; look, for instance, at the opposite view they
+take of the "Income tax"! Morris, besides, is a strait-laced fellow
+that would be shocked at a trifle. Maybe it's some tomfoolery about his
+ancestors, some flaw in the 'scutcheon of Conrad, or Leopold, that
+lived in the year nine. Egad! I wonder what the Dodds were doing in that
+century? Or perhaps it is his politics he's hinting at, for I believe
+the Baron is a bit of a Radical! For that matter, so am I,&mdash;at least,
+occasionally, and when the Whigs are in power; for, as I observed to you
+once, Tom, "always be a shade more liberal than the Government." It
+was years and years before I came to see the good policy of that simple
+rule, but, believe me, it 's well worth remembering. Be a Whig to the
+Tories; be a Radical to the Whigs; and when Cobden and that batch come
+in, as they are sure to do sooner or later, there will be yet some lower
+depth to descend to and cry, "Take me out!"
+</p>
+<p>
+I was remarking that Morris is quite capable of being shocked at the
+Baron's politics, and fancying that I am giving my daughter to one of
+those Organization of Labor and Rights of Man humbugs that are always
+getting up rows and running away from them. Now, Tom, I hold these
+fellows mighty cheap. A patriot without pluck is like a steam-engine
+wanting a boiler. Why, it 's the very essence and vitality of the
+whole; but still I am not sure that, as the world goes, I 'd be right
+in refusing him my daughter because he put his faith in Kossuth, and
+thought the Austrian Empire an unclean thing!
+</p>
+<p>
+I tell you these ruminations and reasonings of mine that you may
+perceive how I turned the matter over with myself in a candid spirit,
+and was led away neither by prejudice nor passion. From ten o'clock till
+eleven&mdash;from eleven till midnight&mdash;I walked the terrace up and down,
+like the Ghost in "Hamlet,"&mdash;I hope I'm right in my quotation,&mdash;but
+neither sight nor sound indicated Morris's arrival! "What if he should
+not come!" thought I. "How can I frame a pretext for putting off the
+wedding?" There was no opening for delay that I could think of. I had
+signed no end of deeds and parchments; I had written my name to "acts"
+of every possible shape and description. The solemnity of the church and
+my paternal blessing were alone wanting to complete the fifth act of the
+drama. I racked my brain to invent a plausible, or even an intelligible
+cause for postponement. Had I been a condemned felon, I could not have
+tortured my imagination more intensely to find a pretext for a reprieve.
+But one issue of escape presented itself. I could be dangerously ill,&mdash;a
+sudden attack; at my age a man can always have gout in the stomach! My
+daughter, of course, could not be married if I was at death's door; and
+as, happily, there was no doctor in the neighborhood, the feint
+attack ran no risk of being converted into a serious action. Since the
+memorable experiment of my mock illness at Ems, I own I had no fancy for
+the performance, nor could I divest my mind of the belief that all these
+things are, in a measure, a tempting of Providence. But what else could
+I do? There was not, so far as I could see, another road open to me.
+</p>
+<p>
+I was just, therefore, turning back into the house, to take to my bed
+in a dangerous condition, when I heard the clattering of whips, in that
+crack-crack fashion your German postilion always announces an arrival.
+I at once hastened down to the door, and arrived at the same moment
+that four posters, hot and smoking, drew up a travelling-barouche to the
+spot. Morris sprang out at once, and, seizing my hand, with what for him
+expressed great warmth, said,&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"Not too late, I hope and trust?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"No," said I; "thanks to your note, I was fully warned."
+</p>
+<p>
+By this time a stranger had also descended from the carriage, and stood
+beside us.
+</p>
+<p>
+"First of all, let me introduce my friend, Count Adelberg, who, I
+rejoice to say, speaks English as well as ourselves."
+</p>
+<p>
+We bowed, and shook hands.
+</p>
+<p>
+"By the greatest good luck in the world," continued Morris, "the
+Count happened to be with me when your letter arrived, and, seeing the
+post-mark, observed, 'I see you have got a correspondent in my part of
+the world,&mdash;who can he be?' Anxious to obtain information from him, I
+immediately mentioned the circumstances to which your note referred,
+when he stopped me suddenly, exclaiming, 'Is this possible,&mdash;can you
+really assure me that this is so?'"
+</p>
+<p>
+But, my dear Purcell, I cannot go over a scene which nearly overcame
+me at the time, and now, in recollection, is scarcely endurable. The
+torture and humiliation of that moment I hope never to go through again.
+In three words, let me tell my tale. Count Adelberg was the owner and
+lord of Wolfsberg, the Wolfenschafers being his stewards. This pretended
+Baron was a young swindling rascal, who had gone to Bonn less for
+education than to seek his fortune. The popular notion in Germany, that
+every English girl is an heiress of immense wealth, had suggested to
+him the idea of passing himself off for a noble of ancient family and
+possessions, and thus securing the hand of some rich girl ambitious of a
+foreign rank and title. He had considerable difficulties to encounter in
+the prosecution of his scheme, but he surmounted or evaded them all. He
+absented himself from Baden, for instance, where recognition would have
+been inevitable, under the pretext of his political opinions; and he,
+with equal tact, avoided the exposure of his father's vulgarity, by
+keeping the worthy individual confined to bed. Of the servants and
+retainers of the castle, the shrewd ones were his accomplices, the less
+intelligent his dupes. In a word, Tom, an artful plot was well laid
+and carried out, to impose upon people whose own short-sightedness and
+vulgar pretensions made them ready victims for even a less ingenious
+artifice.
+</p>
+<p>
+I was very nigh crazy as I heard this explanation. They had to hold me
+twice or thrice by main force to prevent my rushing into the house and
+wreaking a personal vengeance on the scoundrel. Morris reasoned and
+argued with me for above an hour. The Count, too, showed that our whole
+aim should be to prevent the affair getting rumored abroad, and to
+suppress all notoriety of the transaction. He alluded with consummate
+delicacy to our want of knowledge of Germany and its people as an
+explanation of our blunder, and condoled with me on the outrage to our
+feelings with all the tact of a well-bred gentleman. Any slight pricks
+of conscience I had felt before, from our own share in the deception,
+were totally merged in my sense of insulted honor, and I utterly
+forgot everything about the imaginary townlands and villages I had so
+generously laid apart for Mary Anne's dowry.
+</p>
+<p>
+The next question was, what to do? The Count, with great politeness and
+hospitality, entreated that we should remain, at least for some days,
+at the castle. He insisted that no other course could so effectually
+suppress any gossip the affair might give rise to. He supported this
+view, besides, by many arguments, equally ingenious as polite. But
+Morris agreed perfectly with me, that the best thing was to get away
+at once; that, in fact, it would be utterly impossible for us to pass
+another day under that roof.
+</p>
+<p>
+The next step was to break the matter to Mrs. D. I suppose, Tom, that
+even to as old a friend as yourself I ought not to make the confession;
+but I can't help it,&mdash;it will out, in spite of me; and I frankly admit
+it would have amply compensated to me for all the insult, outrage,
+and humiliation I experienced, if I were permitted just to lay a plain
+statement of the case before Mrs. D., and compliment her upon the
+talents she exercises for the advancement of her children, and the proud
+successes they have achieved. In my heart and soul I believe that, in
+the disposition I then felt myself, and with as good a cause to handle,
+I could very nearly have driven her stark mad with rage, shame, and
+disappointment. Morris, however, declared positively against this. He
+took upon himself the whole duty of the explanation, and even made me
+give a solemn pledge not in any way to interfere in the matter. He went
+further, and compelled me to forego my plans of vengeance against the
+young rascal who had so grossly outraged us.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have not patience to repeat the arguments he employed. They, however,
+just came to this: that the paramount question was to hush up the whole
+affair, and escape at once from the scene in which it occurred. I don't
+think I 'll ever forgive myself for my compliance on this head! I have
+an accommodating conscience with respect to many debts; but to know and
+feel that I owe a fellow a horse-whipping, and to experience in my heart
+the conviction that I don't intend to pay it, lowers me in my own esteem
+to a degree I have no power to express. I explained this to Morris.
+I showed him that in yielding to his views I was storing up a secret
+source of misery for many a solitary reflection. I even proposed to be
+satisfied with ten minutes' thrashing of him in secret; none to be the
+wiser but our two selves! He would not hear of it And now, Tom, I own to
+you that if the story gets abroad in the world, this is the part of
+it that will most acutely afflict me. I really can't tell you why
+I permitted him to over-persuade me, and make me do an act at
+once contrary to my country, my nature, and my instincts. The only
+explanation I can give is this: it is the air of the Continent. Bring
+an English bull-dog abroad, feed him with raw beef as you would at home,
+treat him exactly the same&mdash;but he loses his courage, and would n't
+face a terrier. I 'm convinced it's the same with a man; and you 'll
+see fellows put up with slights and offences here that in their own land
+they 'd travel a hundred miles to resent. One comfort I have, however,
+and it is this,&mdash;I have never been well since I yielded this point
+My appetite is gone; I can't sleep without starting up, and I have a
+fluttering about my heart that distresses me greatly; and although
+these are more or less disagreeable, they show me that, under fair
+circumstances, K. I. could be himself again; and that though the
+Continent has breached, it has not utterly destroyed, his natural good
+constitution.
+</p>
+<p>
+To be brief, our plan of procedure was this: I was to remain with the
+Count in his apartment, while Morris went on his mission to Mrs. D.
+The explanation being made, we were to take the Count's carriage to
+Constance, where we could remain for a week or so, until we had decided
+which way to turn our steps; and gave also time to Caroline, who was
+still with Morris's mother, to join us.
+</p>
+<p>
+I told M. that I did n't like to go far, that my remittances might
+possibly miss me, and so on; and the poor fellow at once said, that if
+a couple of hundred pounds could be of the slightest convenience to me,
+they were heartily at my service. Of course, Tom, I said no, that I was
+not in the least in want of money. It was the first time in my life I
+refused a loan; but I could n't take it. I could have found it easier
+to rob a church at that moment! He flushed deeply when I declined the
+offer, and stammered out something about his deep regret if he could
+have offended me; and, indeed, I had some trouble to prove that I was
+n't a bit annoyed or provoked.
+</p>
+<p>
+Although all the conversation I have alluded to took place outside the
+castle, we were not well inside the door when we perceived that Count
+Adelberg's arrival had already been made known to the household. Troops
+of servants hastened to receive him, amongst whom, however, neither the
+steward nor his son were to be found.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Send Wolfenschfer to the library," said he to a footman, as we went
+along, and then conducted me to a small and favorite chamber of which he
+always kept the key himself. He made me promise not to quit this till he
+returned, and then left me to my own not over-gratifying reflections in
+perfect solitude as they were; Morris having departed on his embassy.
+</p>
+<p>
+I was speculating on the various emotions each of us was likely to
+experience at the discovery of this catastrophe, when Morris entered the
+room, with an amount of agitation in his manner I had never witnessed
+before.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Well," said I, "you've told her,&mdash;how does she bear it?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I confess," said he, stammeringly, "Mrs. Dodd does not appear to
+place too much reliance upon my mere word,&mdash;I mean, not that kind of
+confidence which could be called implicit."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Why, you showed her that we have been infamously deceived, grossly
+insulted?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"I endeavored to do so," said he, still hesitating. "I tried in the most
+delicate manner to explain by what vile artifices you had been tricked;
+and that, on my detection of the scheme, I had hastened over from Baden,
+fortunately in sufficient time to prevent the accomplishment of this
+nefarious plot. She scarcely would hear me out, however; for, without
+paying any regard to the proofs I was giving of my statement, she flew
+into a passion about my habit of obtruding myself into family affairs,
+and the impertinent interference which I had practised more than once
+in matters which did not concern me. In a word, she utterly disbelieved
+every word I said, attributed my interested feelings to very unworthy
+motives, and made a few personal remarks of a nature the reverse of
+complimentary."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Was my daughter present?" asked I.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Miss Dodd had gone to her room a short time previously, but Mrs. Dodd
+sent for her as I was leaving the chamber."
+</p>
+<p>
+I could not any longer master my impatience, but, without waiting for
+more, rushed upstairs and into my wife's room. A glance assured me
+that the work of persuasion was already accomplished; for she was lying
+half-fainting in a large chair, while Mary Anne and Betty were bathing
+her temples and using the usual restoratives for suspended animation.
+</p>
+<p>
+I had abundant time to observe Mary Anne during these proceedings,
+and, to my excessive wonderment do I own it, the girl was as calm, as
+self-possessed, and as collected as ever I saw her. I defy the very
+shrewdest to say that they could detect one trait of anxiety or
+discomposure about her; so that, though I saw Mrs. D. had yielded to the
+convictions of truth, I really could not say whether or not Mary Anne
+had yet heard of the story. I thought, however, I 'd explore the way
+by an artificial path, and said: "If she's well enough to be carried
+downstairs, Mary Anne, we ought to do it. The great matter is to quit
+this place at once."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Of course, papa," said she, without the slightest touch of emotion.
+</p>
+<p>
+"After what has occurred," said I, "every moment I remain is a fresh
+insult."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Quite so," said she, composedly.
+</p>
+<p>
+Ah, Tom, these women are out and out beyond us! Neither physiologists
+nor novel-writers know a bit about them. The stock themes with these
+fellows are their tender susceptibility, gentleness, and so forth. Take
+my word for it, it is in strength of character, in downright power of
+endurance, that they excel us. They possess a quality of submission
+that rises to actual heroism, and they can summon an amount of energy
+to resist an insult to their pride of which we men have no conception
+whatever.
+</p>
+<p>
+Instead of any attempt to condole with Mary Anne, or to comfort her,
+the best I could do was to try to imitate the dignified calm of her
+composure.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Don't you think," said I to her, "that we could be off by daybreak?"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Easily," said she. "Augustine is packing up, and when mamma is a little
+better I 'll assist her."
+</p>
+<p>
+"<i>She</i> knows it all?" said I, with a gesture towards my wife.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Everything!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"And believes it at last?"
+</p>
+<p>
+A nod was the reply.
+</p>
+<p>
+Egad, Tom, this coolness completely took me aback. I could do nothing
+but stare at the girl with amazement, and ask myself, "Does she really
+know what has happened?"
+</p>
+<p>
+In utter indifference to my scrutiny, she continued her attentions to
+her mother, whispering orders from time to time to Betty Cobb.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Hadn't you better give some directions about your trunks, papa?" said
+she to me.
+</p>
+<p>
+And thus recalled to myself, I hastened to follow the advice. Faddy, as
+is customary with him at any great emergency, was drunk, and, with
+the usual consequence, engaged in active conflict with the rest of the
+servants' hall. As for James, I sought for him everywhere in vain,
+but at last learned that he was seen to saddle and bridle a horse for
+himself about half an hour before, which done, he mounted and rode off
+at speed towards the forest, which direction, it appeared, the young
+Baron! had taken some time before. I should have felt uncommonly uneasy
+for the result had they not assured me that there was not the very
+slightest chance of his overtaking the fugitive.
+</p>
+<p>
+Morris told me, too, that the old steward had been turned out of doors
+already, so that we had at least the satisfaction of a very heavy
+vengeance. The Count never ceased to show us every attention in his
+power; and, so far as politeness and good manners could atone to us,
+everything was done that could be imagined. With Morris's aid I got my
+things together, and before daybreak the carriage stood fully loaded at
+the door. There was, it is true, "an awful sacrifice" exacted by this
+hurried packing; and the frail finery of the trousseau found but scanty
+tenderness, as it was bundled up into valises and even carpet-bags!
+However, I was determined to march, even at the loss of all my baggage,
+if necessary!
+</p>
+<p>
+While these active operations went forward, Mrs. D. "improved the
+occasion" by some sharp attacks of hysterics, which providentially ended
+in a loss of voice at last; and thus a happy calm was permitted us, in
+which to take a slight breakfast before starting.
+</p>
+<p>
+If I call it slight, Tom, it was not with reference to the preparations,
+which were really on the most sumptuous scale, and all laid out in the
+large dinner-room with great taste. The Count had told Morris that if
+his presence might not be thought intrusive, he would feel it a great
+honor to be permitted to pay his respects to the ladies; and when I
+mentioned this to Mary Anne, to my no small astonishment she replied,
+"Oh, with pleasure! I really think we owe it to him for all his
+attentions." Ay! Tom, and what is more, down came my wife, who had
+passed the night in screaming and sobbing, looking all smiles and
+blandnesses, leaning on Mary Anne, who, by the way, had dressed herself
+in the most becoming fashion, and seemed quite bent on a conquest. Oh,
+these woman, these women!&mdash;read them if you can, Tom Purcell! for, upon
+my conscience, they are far above the humble intelligence of your friend
+K. I.
+</p>
+<p>
+I don't think you 'd believe me if I was to give you an account of that
+same breakfast. If ever there was an incident calculated to overwhelm
+with shame and confusion, it was precisely that which had just occurred
+to us. It was not possible to conceive a situation more painful than we
+were placed in; and with all that, I vow and declare that, except Morris
+and myself, none seemed to feel it. Mrs. D. ate and drank, and bowed and
+smiled and gesticulated, and ogled the Count to her heart's content;
+and Mary Anne chatted and laughed with him in all the ease of intimate
+acquaintanceship; and as he evidently was struck by her beauty, she
+appeared to accept the homage of his admiration as a very satisfactory
+compliment. As for me, I tried to behave with the same good breeding as
+the others, but it was no use!&mdash;every mouthful I ate almost choked me;
+every time I attempted to be jocose, I broke down, with a lamentable
+failure. Rage, shame, and indignation were all at work within me; and
+even the ease and indifference displayed by the womenkind increased
+my sense of humiliation. It might very probably have been far less
+well-mannered and genteel; but I tell you frankly, I 'd have been better
+pleased with them both if they had cried heartily, and made no secret of
+their suffering. I half suspect Morris was of the same mind too; for
+he could not keep his eyes off them, and evidently in profound
+astonishment. But for him, indeed, I don't know how I should have got
+through that morning, for Mrs. D. and her daughter were far too intent
+upon fresh conquests to waste a thought on recent defeats, and it was
+evident that Count Adelberg was received by them both with all the
+credit due to the "real article." This threw me completely on Morris for
+all counsel and guidance; and I must say he behaved admirably, making
+all the arrangements for our departure with a ready promptitude that
+showed old habits of discipline.
+</p>
+<p>
+In the Count's <i>calèche</i> there was no room for servants; but our own was
+to follow with them and the baggage, and also bring up James,&mdash;all of
+which details M. was to look after, as well as the care of forwarding to
+me any letters that might arrive after I was gone.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was nigh eight o'clock before we started, though breakfast was over a
+little after six; and, indeed, when all was ready, horses harnessed, and
+postilions in the saddle, the Count insisted on the "ladies" ascending
+the great watch-tower of the castle to see the sun rise. He assured
+them people came from all parts of the world for that view, which was
+considered one of the finest in Europe; and in proof of his assertion
+pointed to a long string of inscriptions on marble tablets in the wall.
+Here it was the Kur Furst of this; and there the Landgravine of that.
+Dukes, archdukes, and field-marshals figured in the catalogue, and
+amidst the illustrious of foreign lands a distinguished place was
+occupied by Milor Stubbs, who made the ascent on a day in the
+year recorded. That Mrs. Dodd and Mary Anne are destined to a like
+immortality, I have no doubt whatever.
+</p>
+<p>
+At last we got into the carriage, but not until the Count had saluted
+me on both cheeks, and embraced me tenderly in stage fashion; he kissed
+Mrs. D.'s hand, and Mary Anne's also, with such a touching devotion
+that, for the first time during that memorable morning, they both wiped
+their eyes. The sight of Morris, however, seemed to recall them to the
+sober realities of life; they shook hands with him, and away we went
+at that tearing gallop which, though very little more than six miles an
+hour, has all the apparent speed and the real peril of a special train.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Where's my fur cloak? Is my muff put in? I don't see the gray shawl.
+Mary Anne, what has become of the rug? I 'm certain half our things are
+left behind. How could it be otherwise, seeing the absurd haste in which
+we came away!" These are a few specimens of Mrs. D.'s lucubrations,
+given <i>per saltum</i> as we bumped through the deep ruts of the road, and
+will explain, as well as a chapter on the subject, the train in which
+her thoughts were proceeding.
+</p>
+<p>
+Ay, Tom! for all the disgrace and ignominy of that miserable night and
+morning, she had no other sentiment of sorrow than for the absurd haste
+in which we came away. I had firmly determined not to recur to this
+unpleasant affair, and to let it sleep amongst the archives of similar
+disagreeable reminiscences, but this provocation was really too strong
+for me! Were they women?&mdash;were they human beings, and could reason this
+way?&mdash;were the questions that struggled for an answer within me! I tried
+to repress the temptation, but I could not, and so I resolved, if I
+could do no more, at least to discipline my emotions, and hold them
+within certain limits. I waited till we were out of the grounds,&mdash;I
+delayed till we were some miles on the high-road,&mdash;and then, with a
+voice subdued to a mere whisper, and in a manner that vouched for the
+most complete subjection, said,&mdash;
+</p>
+<p>
+"Mrs. Dodd, may I be permitted to inquire&mdash;and I premise that the object
+of my question is neither any personal nor a mere vulgar curiosity, but
+simply to investigate what might be termed a physiological fact, namely,
+whether females really feel less than the males of the human species?"
+</p>
+<p>
+My dear Tom, the calm tone of my exordium availed me nothing. To no
+end was it that I propounded the purely scientific basis of my
+investigation. She flew at me at once like a tigress. The abstract
+question that I had submitted for discussion she flung indignantly
+to the winds, and boldly asked me if I thought "to escape that way."
+"Escape "&mdash;that way! I was thunderstruck, stupefied, dumfoundered!
+Did the woman want to infer&mdash;could she by any diabolical ingenuity or
+perverseness imply&mdash;that I was possibly to blame for our late
+calamity? You 'll not credit it; nobody could, but it is the truth,
+notwithstanding. <i>That</i> was exactly the charge she now preferred against
+me. If I bad taken proper steps to investigate the "Baron's" real
+pretensions,&mdash;if <i>I</i> had made due and fitting inquiries about him,&mdash;if
+<i>I</i> had been commonly intelligent, and displayed the most ordinary
+knowledge of the world,&mdash;in fact, if, instead of being a bull-headed,
+blundering old Irish country gentleman, I had been a cross between a
+foreign prefect and a London detective, the chances were that we had
+been spared the mortification of exhibiting ourselves as endeavoring
+to dupe people who were already successfully engaged in duping us! This
+wasn't all, Tom, but she boldly propounded the startling declaration
+that she and Mary Anne both had suspected the Baron to be an imposition
+and a cheat! and although his low manners and vulgar tone imposed upon
+<i>me</i>, they had always regarded him as shockingly underbred! It was
+<i>I</i>, however, who had rushed into the whole misadventure,&mdash;it was <i>I</i>
+concocted the entire scheme,&mdash;<i>I</i> planned the visit,&mdash;<i>I</i> made up the
+match. My stupid cupidity, my blundering anxiety for a grand alliance,
+were the causes of all the evil! The mock munificence of my settlements
+was hurled at me as proof positive of the eagerness of my duplicity,
+and I was overwhelmed with a mass of accusations which I verily believe
+would have obtained a verdict against me at the hands of any honest and
+impartial jury of my countrymen.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have more than once had to acknowledge, that when perfectly assured
+in my own conscience of my innocence, Mrs. D. has contrived to shake my
+doubts about myself, and at last succeeded in making me believe that I
+might have been culpable without knowing it. I suppose in these cases I
+may have been morally innocent and legally guilty, but I 'll not puzzle
+my head by any subtlety of explanation; enough if I own that a less
+enviable predicament no man need covet!
+</p>
+<p>
+I sat under this new allegation sad, silent, and abashed; and although
+Mary Anne said but little, yet her occasional "You must admit, papa,"
+"You will surely acknowledge," or "You cannot possibly forget," chimed
+in, and swelled the full chorus of accusation against me. If I said
+nothing, I thought the more. My reflections took this shape: Here is
+another blessed fruit of our coming abroad. Such an incident never
+could have befallen us at home. Why, then, should we continue to live on
+exposed to similar casualties?
+</p>
+<p>
+Why reside in a land where we cannot distinguish the man of rank from
+his scullion, and where all the forms that constitute good breeding and,
+maybe, good grammar, are quite beyond our appreciation? Every dilettante
+scribbler for the magazines who sketches his rambles in Spain or
+Switzerland, grows jocose over some eccentricity or absurdity of his
+countrymen. Their blunders in language, dress, or demeanor are duly
+chronicled and relied upon as subjects for a droll chapter; but let
+me tell you, Tom, that the difficulties of foreign residence are very
+considerable indeed, and, except to the man who issues from England with
+a certain well-proved and admitted station, social or political, the
+society into which he may be thrown is a downright lottery. The first
+error he commits, and it is almost inevitable, is to mistake the common
+forms of hat-lifting and bowing for acquaintanceship. "Bull" thinks that
+the gentleman desires to know him, and obligingly condescends to
+accept his overtures. The foreigner, somewhat amused to see the veriest
+commonplace of politeness received as evidence of acquaintance, profits
+by the admission, chats, and comes to tea. Now, Tom, whether it be cheap
+soup, cheap clothing, cheap travelling, or cheap friendship, I have a
+strong prejudice against them all. My notion is that the real article is
+not to be had without some cost and trouble.
+</p>
+<p>
+These were some of my ruminations as we rattled along; and although the
+road was interesting, and the day a fine bracing autumnal one, my
+mind was not attuned to pleasure or enjoyment We stopped to bait at
+Donaueschingen, for we were obliged, by some accident or other, to take
+the same horses on, and found a most comfortable little inn at the sign
+of the "Sharpshooter." After dinner we took a stroll in the garden of
+the palace of the mediatized Prince of Furstenberg; for, of course,
+there is a palace and a mediatized prince wherever there is a town of
+three thousand inhabitants throughout Germany. By the way, Napoleon
+treated these people pretty much like our own Encumbered Estates Court
+at home. He sold them out without any ceremony, and got rid of
+the feudal privileges and the seignorial rights with a bang of the
+auctioneer's hammer. Of course, as with us, there was often a great
+deal of individual hardship, but these little principalities were large
+evils, and half the disturbances of Europe grew out of their corrupt
+administration.
+</p>
+<p>
+There is, I often fancy, a natural instinctive kind of corruption
+incidental to the dominion of a small state. They are too small and
+too insignificant to attract any attention from the world without,
+and within their own narrow limits there is no such thing as a public
+opinion. The ruler, consequently, is free to follow the caprices of
+his folly, his cruelty, or his wastefulness. He has neither to dread
+a parliament nor a newspaper. If he send his small contingent&mdash;a
+commander-in-chief and a drummer of great experience&mdash;to the great army
+of the Confederation he belongs to, he may tax his subjects, or hang
+them, to his heart's content! Now, I cannot imagine a worse state
+of things than this, nor any more likely to foster that spirit of
+discontent which every hour is adding to the feeling of the Continent.
+</p>
+<p>
+While I am following this theme, I am forgetting what was uppermost a
+few minutes back in my mind. In the garden of the same palace, which
+belongs to a certain fount Furstenberg, there is a singularly beautiful
+little spring; it bubbles up amidst flowers and grass, and overruns
+the greensward in many a limpid streamlet. There is something in the
+unadorned simplicity of this tiny well, rippling through the yellow
+daffodils and "starry river buds," wonderfully pleasing; but what
+an interest fills the mind as we hear that this is the source of the
+Danube! "The mighty river that sweeps along through the rocky gorges of
+Upper Austria, washes the foundations of the Imperial Vienna, and flows
+on, ever swelling and widening and deepening, to the Black Sea,&mdash;that
+giant stream, so romantic in its associations with the touching tale
+of our own Richard,&mdash;so picturesque in its windings, so teeming with
+interest to the poet, the painter, the merchant, and the politician,
+there it is, a little crystal rivulet, whose destiny might well seem
+limited to the flowery borders, and blossoming beds around it." This
+isn't mine, Tom, though it's exactly what I would have said if the words
+occurred to me, but I copy it out of the Visitors' Book, where strangers
+write their names, and, so to say, leave their cards upon the infant
+Danube.
+</p>
+<p>
+Truisms are only tiresome to the hearer; they are a delightful
+recreation to the man that tells them, so that I am sorely tempted to
+mention some of those that suggested themselves to my mind as I stood
+beside that little spring,&mdash;all the analogies that at once arose to my
+fancy, between human life and the course of a mighty river, between the
+turnings and twinings and aberrations of childhood, the headlong current
+of youth, the mature force of manhood, and the trackless issue, at last,
+into the great ocean of eternity! One lesson we may assuredly gather
+from the contemplation: not to predicate from small beginnings against
+the likelihood of a glorious future!
+</p>
+<p>
+I left the place regretfully; the tranquil quietude of my two hours'
+ramble through the garden restored me to a serene and peaceful frame
+of mind. The little village itself, the tidy, unpretending inn, clean,
+comfortable, and a model of cheapness, were all to my fancy, and I could
+very well have liked to linger on there for a week or so. After all,
+what a commentary is it upon all pursuits of pleasure and amusement,
+to think that we really find our greatest happiness in those little,
+out-of-the-way, isolated spots, remote from all the attractions and
+blandishments of the gay world! I don't mean to say that Mrs. D. quite
+concurred with me, for she grew very impatient at my delay, and wondered
+excessively "what peculiar attraction the garden of the palace might
+have possessed, to make me forget myself." But it's not so easy a thing
+to do as she thinks! Forgetting oneself, Tom, implies so many other
+oblivions. It means forgetting one's tenants that have been over-rented,
+one's banker overdrawn, one's horses overworked, one's house out of
+repair, one's estate out at elbows; forgetting the duns that torment,
+the creditors that torture you,&mdash;the latitats, the writs, the mortgages,
+the bonds,&mdash;all the inflictions, in fact, consequent to parchment,
+signed, sealed, and delivered over to your persecuting angel! Oh dear,
+oh dear! what a thirsty swig would I take of Lethe if I could! and how
+happy would I be to start fresh in life without any one of the
+"liabilities," as they call them, that attach to Kenny Dodd!
+</p>
+<p>
+I remember, when I was a schoolboy, no day of the week had such terrors
+for me as Saturday, because we were obliged to answer a repetition of
+the whole week's work. That carrying up of the past was a load that
+always destroyed me! My notion was to let bygones be bygones, and it
+was downright cruelty to take me over the old ground of my former
+calamities. The same prejudice has tracked me through life. I can face a
+new misfortune as well as my neighbors; what kills me is going back
+over the old ones. Let me tell you, too, that there is a great deal of
+balderdash talked in the world about experience,&mdash;that with experience
+you 'll do this, that, and t' other better. Don't believe a word of
+it. You might as well tell me that having the typhus will teach a man
+patience the next time he catches a fever! Take my word for it, be as
+fresh as you can against the ills of life,&mdash;know as little of them as
+you can,&mdash;think as little of them! Keep your constitution&mdash;whether it be
+moral or physical&mdash;as intact as you are able, and rely on it you 'll not
+fare the worse when it comes to the trial!
+</p>
+<p>
+It was a fine evening, with a thin rim of a new moon in the sky, when
+we got ready to leave Donaueschingen. The bill for dinner came to about
+five shillings for three of us, wine included, and no charge for rooms,
+so that when I gave as much more to the servants, the enthusiasm of
+the household knew no bounds. The housemaid, indeed, in an excess of
+enthusiasm, would kiss my hand, and got rebuked by my wife as a "forward
+hussy, that ought to be well looked after." From this incident, however,
+our attention was soon diverted by the arrival of our second carriage,
+but without James! A note from Morris explained that he did not like to
+detain the servants, lest it should prove inconvenient to us, and that
+he would take care James should join us at Constance,&mdash;probably early
+on the next day. This note was handed to me by the post-boy,&mdash;a
+circumstance speedily accounted for, as I got out and saw that the whole
+company, consisting of Betty, Augustine, the courier, Paddy Byrne, and a
+fifth, unknown, were all very drunk and unable to speak, closely wedged
+in the britschka! Of course it was no time to ask for any explanations,
+and we came on to this place, which we reached by midnight.
+</p>
+<p>
+As I have given you a somewhat full narrative of what befell us, I may
+as well, ere I conclude, add some words of explanation of the state of
+our amiable followers. Betty Cobb, it appears, was seized with connubial
+symptoms while we were at the castle, and, yielding to the soft
+impeachment, and not being deterred by any discovery of false rank or
+pretensions, actually bestowed her hand on a distinguished swineherd
+that pertained to the place. The wedding took place after we left,
+the convivial festivities being continued all along the road till they
+overtook us. Had the unlucky girl married a New Zealand chief, or a
+Kaffir, her choice could not have fallen upon a more thoroughly savage
+specimen of the human race. The fellow is a Black Forest Caliban of the
+worst description. The question is now what to do with him, for Mrs. D.
+will not consent to part with Betty, nor will Betty separate from her
+liege lord; so that amongst my other blessings I may number that of
+carrying about the world a scoundrel that would disgrace a string of
+galley-slaves! Just imagine, Tom, in the rumble of a travelling-carriage
+a fellow six foot and a half high, dressed in a cowhide, with an ox
+gond in his hand, and a long naked knife in his girdle, speaking no
+intelligible tongue, nor capable of any function save the herding of
+wild animals,&mdash;the most uncultivated specimen of brute nature I ever
+heard, saw, or even read of! Fancy, I say, the pleasure of "lugging"
+this creature over the Continent of Europe, feeding, housing, and
+clothing him, his sole claim being that he is the husband of that
+precious bargain, Betty Cobb!
+</p>
+<p>
+Why, he 'd bring shame on a beast caravan! The best of it is, too, he
+holds to his "caste" like a Hindoo, and refuses all other
+occupation save the charge of swine. He would not aid to unload the
+carriage,&mdash;would not lift a trunk, nor carry a carpet-bag; and when
+admonished by Paddy for his laziness, showed two inches of a broad knife
+up his sleeve with a grin meant to imply that he knew how to resist any
+assault on his dignity! That the scoundrel has no respect for law,
+is clear enough; so that my hope is he will commit some terrible
+infraction, and that we may be able to send him to the galleys for the
+rest of his days. How I 'm to keep him and Paddy apart is more than yet
+appears to me. I suppose, in the end, one of them will kill the other.
+</p>
+<a name="image-0022"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/536.jpg" height="683" width="753"
+alt="536
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+From what I see here, the expense of keeping this beast&mdash;at an hotel at
+least&mdash;will be equal to the cost of three ordinary servants; for he has
+no regular meal-times, but has food cooked for him "promiscuously," and
+eats&mdash;if I 'm to credit the landlord&mdash;either a kid or a lamb <i>per diem</i>,
+A bear would n't be half the expense, and a far more companionable beast
+besides. It is but fair to say that Betty seems to adore him; she crams
+the monster all day with stolen victuals, and appears to have no other
+care in life than in watching after him.
+</p>
+<p>
+What induces Mrs. D. to feel this sudden attachment to Betty herself,
+I can't imagine. Up to this she railed at her unceasingly, and deplored
+the day and the hour she took her from home. But now, when this alliance
+really makes her insupportable, she won't hear of parting with her, and
+submits to a degree of tyranny from this woman that is utterly
+inexplicable. It's another of those feminine anomalies, Tom, that
+neither you nor I, nor maybe anybody else, will ever be able to
+reconcile.
+</p>
+<p>
+You will probably wonder how, at a moment like this, smarting as I am
+under the combined effects of insult and disappointment, I can turn my
+attention to a matter of this trifling nature; but I confess to you that
+the admission of this uncivilized element into the circle of my family
+inspires me with feelings of disgust, not unmixed with terror; for what
+he may do in any access of fury the infernal gods alone can say. So long
+as we are here, in this remote and little-visited town, the notice he
+attracts is confined to a troop of street loungers who follow him; but
+I have yet to learn how we are ever to make our appearance in a regular
+city in his company.
+</p>
+<p>
+Now to another matter, Tom, and the most essential of all. What are we
+to do for money? for, whether we go on or go back, we must have it. I
+have n't the heart to go over the accounts; nor would it put sixpence
+more in my pockets, if I was like Babbage's calculating-machine! Screw
+up the tenants, and make them pay the arrears. Healey owes us at least
+two hundred pounds. Try if he can't pay half. See, besides, if you
+cannot find a tenant for the place, even for a year. This Exhibition in
+Dublin will fill the country with strangers; and a good advertisement
+of Dodsborough, with an account of the "shooting and fishing, capital
+society, and two packs of hounds in the neighborhood," might take the
+notice of some aspiring Cockney. From what I see in the papers, Ireland
+is going to be the fashion this summer. I suppose that she is starved
+down to the pitch to be "thin and genteel," and that's the reason of it.
+</p>
+<p>
+Tell me what you think of this great display of "industrial products,"
+as they call it. Are we as wonderful as the Irish papers say, or are we
+really as backward as the "Times" pronounces us? My own notion is that
+the whole thing proceeds on a misconception of the country and
+its capabilities. These Exhibitions are essentially dependent
+on manufacturing skill for their excellence. Now, we are not a
+manufacturing people. We are agriculturists, and so are the Yankees; and
+consequently the utmost we can do is to show off the clever inventions
+and cunning products of our neighbors. Writing, as I do, confidentially
+to yourself, I will own, too, that I am not one of those sanguine
+admirers of these raree-shows, nor do I see in them the seeds of all
+that progress that others prophesy. Looking at a wonderful mechanical
+invention will no more teach me to imitate it, than going to Batty's
+Circus will enable me to jump through a hoop, or ride on my head!
+Amusement, pleasure, interest, there is in one as much as the other;
+but as for any educational advantage, Tom, I don't believe in it. To the
+scientific man these things are all familiar,&mdash;to the peasant they are
+all miraculous; and though the Electric Telegraph be really a wonderful
+thing, after one sees the miracles of the Church it ceases to surprise
+you! At all events, give me some account of the place and the people in
+your next, and write soon.
+</p>
+<p>
+I have kept this a day back, hoping to announce James's arrival here,
+but up to this there is no tidings of him. Yours, ever faithfully,
+</p>
+<p>
+Kenny James Dodd.
+</p>
+<p>
+P. S. I find now that this town is not in Switzerland, but in Baden,
+for the police have been here to know "who we are?" and "why we have
+come?"&mdash;two questions that would take longer to answer than they
+suspect. How absurd these little bits of national prejudice sound, when
+the symbol of nationality is only a blue post or a white one, and no
+geographical limit announces a new country. Droll enough, too, they are
+most importunate in their inquiries after James; as if the appearance
+of his name in the passport requires that he should be forthcoming when
+asked for. Ah, Tom! if the fellows that knocked old Europe about in
+'48 had resolutely set their faces against these stumbling-blocks
+to civilization&mdash;passports, police spies, town dues, and gate
+imposts,&mdash;they 'd have won the sympathy of millions, who do not care a
+rush about Universal Suffrage and the Liberty of the Press,&mdash;and, what
+is more, the concessions could never have been revoked nor recalled!
+</p>
+<p>
+To myself, individually, the system presents few annoyances; for I sit
+serene behind my ignorance of all continental languages, and say to
+myself, "Touch me if you dare." Maybe they half suspect the substance
+of my meditations, for they show the greatest deference towards my
+condition of passive resistance. The Brigadier has just bowed himself
+out of the room, with what sounded like a hearty curse, but what Mary
+Anne assures me was a sincere protestation of his sentiment of "high
+consideration and esteem." And now to dinner.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0045"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XLI. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    Constance on the Lake.
+</h3>
+<p>
+Dearest Kitty,&mdash;With what rapture do I once more throw myself into the
+arms of your affection! How devotedly do I seek the sanctuary of my
+dearest Kitty's heart! It is all over, my sweet friend,&mdash;all over! I
+see you start,&mdash;your cheek is bloodless, and your lips tremble,&mdash;but
+reassure yourself, Kitty, and hear me. If there be anything against
+which I am weak and powerless,&mdash;if there be aught in life to oppose
+which I have neither strength nor energy,&mdash;it is the reproach of one I
+love! Already do I stand accused before you, even now have you arraigned
+me, and my condemnation is trembling on your lips. Avow it,&mdash;own it,
+dear girl. Your heart, at least, has said the words of my sentence: "All
+over! so then Mary Anne has jilted him,&mdash;changed her mind in the last
+hour,&mdash;trifled with his affections, and made a sport of his feelings."
+Yes, such is the charge against me; and, trembling as I stand before
+you, I syllable the word "Guilty." "Guilty, but with extenuating
+circumstances." Be calm then, be patient; and, above all, be merciful,
+while I plead before you.
+</p>
+<p>
+I deny nothing, I evade nothing. I cannot even pretend that my altered
+feelings originated in any long process of reason or reflection. I will
+not affect to say that I struggled against conflicting doubts, and only
+yielded when powerless to resist them. No, dearest, I am above every
+such shallow artifice; and I own that it was on the very morning your
+letter arrived&mdash;at the moment when my hot tears were falling over the
+characters traced by your hand&mdash;as, enraptured, I kissed the lines that
+breathed your love&mdash;then there suddenly broke upon me a light illumining
+the dark horizon around me. Space became peopled with forms and images,
+voices and warnings floated around and above me, and as I read your
+words&mdash;"If, then, your whole heart be his"&mdash;I trembled, Kitty, my eyes
+grew dim, my bosom heaved in agony, and, in my heart-wrung misery, I
+cried aloud, "Oh, save me from this perfidy,&mdash;save me from myself!"
+</p>
+<p>
+Save that the letter which my fingers grasped convulsively was the
+offspring of friendship and not of love betrayed, the scene was
+precisely like that which closes the second act of the "Lucia di
+Lammermoor." Mamma, the Baron, James, even to the priest, all were
+there; and, like Lucia, dressed in my bridal robe, the orange-flowers
+in my hair, and such a love of a Brussels veil fastened mantilla-wise to
+the back of the head, I stood pale, trembling, and conscience-stricken!
+the awful words of your question ringing in my ears, like the voice of
+an angel come to call me to judgment, "'If your whole heart be his!' But
+it is not," cried I, aloud,&mdash;"it is not, it never can be!" I know not in
+what wild rhapsody my emotions found utterance. I have no memory of that
+gushing cataract in which overwrought feelings found their channel.
+I spoke in that rapt enthusiasm in which, as we are told, the ancient
+priestesses delivered their dream-revealings, for I, too, was as one
+inspired, as agony alone can inspire. Of myself I know nothing, but I
+have since heard that the scene was harrowing to a degree that no words
+can convey. The Baron, mounted on his fastest courser, fled into the
+woods; James, spirited on by some imagined sense of injury, thirsting
+for a vengeance on he knew not what or whom, pursued him; mamma was
+seized with frantic screaming; and even papa himself, whose lethargic
+humor stands him like an armor of proof,&mdash;even he swore and imprecated
+in a manner that called forth a most impressive rebuke from the
+chaplain.
+</p>
+<a name="image-0023"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/544.jpg" height="1018" width="625"
+alt="544
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+The scene changes,&mdash;we are away! The castle and its deep woods grow
+dim behind us; the wild mountains of the Schwartz Wald rise before and
+around us. The dark pines wave their stately tops, the wood-pigeon cries
+his plaintive note; rocky glen and rugged precipice, foaming waterfalls
+and wooded slopes, pass swiftly by, and on we hasten,&mdash;on and on; but,
+with all our speed, dark, brood-ing care can still outstrip us, and
+sorrow follows faster than the wind.
+</p>
+<p>
+We arrived at Constance by midnight, when I soon betook me to bed, and
+cried myself to sleep. Sweet&mdash;sweet tears were they, flowing like the
+crystal drops from the margin of an overcharged fountain; for such was
+the heart of your afflicted Mary Anne.
+</p>
+<p>
+It is not by any casuistry about the injustice I should have done, had
+I bestowed a moiety where I had promised a whole heart. It is not by any
+pretence that I felt this to be an unworthy artifice, that I now appeal
+to your merciful consideration. It is simply as one suddenly awakened
+to the terrible conviction that she cannot be loved as she is capable
+of loving; or, in other words, that she despairs of ever inspiring that
+passion which alone could requite her for the agony of love. Oh, Kitty,
+it is an agony, and such a one as no torture of human wickedness ever
+equalled. May you never feel it in that intensity of suffering which is
+alike its ecstasy and its woe!
+</p>
+<p>
+Do not reproach me, Kitty; my heart has already done so,
+bitterly,&mdash;terribly! Again and again have I asked myself, "Who and what
+are you, that dare to reject rank, wealth, station, glorious lineage,
+and a noble name? If these and the most devoted love cannot move
+you, what are the ambitions that rise before you?" Over and over do
+I interrogate myself thus, and yet the only reply is, a heart-heaved
+sigh,&mdash;the spirit-wrung voice of inward suffering! You, dearest, who
+know your friend, will not accuse her of exaggerated or overwrought
+vanity. None so well as you are aware that these are not my
+characteristic failings.
+</p>
+<p>
+An excess of humility may depreciate me, even to the lowliest condition
+of humble fortune; and if happiness be but there, I will not deem the
+choice a mean one! You will judge of the sincerity of my words, when I
+tell you that I have just been unpacking all my things, and putting them
+away in drawers and wardrobes; and oh, Kitty, if you could but see them!
+Papa was really splendid, and allowed me to order everything I could
+fancy. Of course his generosity fettered rather than stimulated my
+extravagance, so that I merely took the absolute <i>nécessaire</i>. Of these
+I may mention two cashmeres and three Brussels scarfs, one a perfect
+love; twelve morning, eighteen evening dresses, of which one for
+the altar is covered with Valenciennes, looped up with pearls and
+brilliants*, the corsage ornamented down the front with a bouquet of
+the same stones, arranged to represent lilies of the valley, with
+dewdrops,&mdash;a pretty device, and quite simple, to suit the occasion.
+The presentation robe is actually magnificent, and only needs a diamond
+<i>parure</i> to be queenly. How I dote, too, on these dear little bonnets!
+I never weary of trying them on; they sit so coquettishly on the back of
+the bead, and make one look sly and modest, and gentle and saucy, all
+at once! In this walk of art the French are incomparably above us. Dress
+with them observes all the harmony of color and the keeping of a great
+picture. No lilac bonnets and blue shawls,&mdash;no scarlets and pinks
+alternately killing and marring each other,&mdash;none of that false heraldry
+of costume by which your Englishwoman displays her vulgar wealth and
+ill-assorted finery. All is graceful, well toned, and harmonious. Your
+<i>mise</i> is, so to say, the declaration of your sentiments, just as the
+signal of a man-of-war proclaims her intention; and how ingenious to
+think that your stately cashmere suggests homage, your ermined mantle
+watchful devotion, your muslin peignoir confidence and intimate
+intercourse.
+</p>
+<p>
+Now, your "English" must <i>look</i> all these to be intelligible, and
+constantly converts herself into a great staring, ogling, leering
+machine, very shocking to contemplate.
+</p>
+<p>
+I need scarcely remark to you, dearest, that the step I have just taken
+has made my position in the family like that of the young lady who
+refused Louis Napoleon before Europe. Our situations, if you come to
+consider them, are wonderfully alike; and there are extraordinary points
+of resemblance between the gentlemen, to which I cannot at present more
+fully allude. The ungenerous observations and slighting allusions to
+which I am exposed would actually wring your heart. Even James remarked
+that the whole affair reminded him of Joe Hudson, who, after accepting
+an Indian appointment, refused to sail when he had obtained the outfit.
+"Mary Anne only wanted the kit," was the vulgar impertinence by which
+he closed this piece of flattery; and this was in allusion to the
+<i>trousseau!</i> Men are so shallow, so meanly minded, Kitty, and, above
+all, so ungenerous in the measure of our motives. They really think that
+we value dress for itself, and not as a means to an end,&mdash;that end being
+their own subjection! Mamma, I must say, is truly kind; she regrets,
+naturally enough you will think, the loss of a great alliance. She had
+pictured to herself the quartering of the M'Carthys with the house of
+W&mdash;&mdash;&mdash;, and ranged in imagination over various remote but ambitious
+contingencies; but, with true maternal affection, she has effaced all
+these memories from her heart, only to think of me and of my emotions. I
+have also been able to supply her with a consolation, no less great than
+unexpected, in this wise: papa, from one cause or other, had been of
+late seriously meditating a return to Ireland; I shame to say, Kitty,
+that he never valued, never understood the Continent; its habits, its
+ways, and its wines, all disagreed with him; financial reasons, too,
+influenced him; for somehow, up to this, we have been forced to overlook
+the claims of economy, and only regard those which refer to the station
+we are to maintain in society. Now, from all these causes, he had
+brought himself to think the only safety lay in a speedy retreat! Mamma
+had ascertained this beyond a doubt by some passages in Mr. Purcell's
+letters to papa; how obtained I know not. From these she gathered that
+at any moment he was capable of abandoning the campaign, and embarking
+the whole army! The misery such a course would entail upon us I have no
+need to enlarge upon; nor could I, if I tried, find words to depict the
+condition of suffering that would be ours if again domesticated in that
+dreadful island. Forgive me, dearest, if I wound one susceptibility of
+your tender heart,&mdash;I would not ruffle even a rose-leaf of your gentle
+nature; but I cannot refrain from saying that Ireland is very dreadful!
+Philosophers affect to tell us, Kitty, that from the chemical properties
+of meteoric stones we can predicate the nature of the planets from which
+they have fallen, and the most ingenious theories as to the structure,
+size, and conformation of their bodies are built upon such slender
+materials. Now, would it be too wide a stretch of ingenuity to apply
+this theory to home affairs, and argue, from the specimen one sees of
+the dear country, what must be the land that has reared them? And oh,
+Kitty, if so, what a sentence we should be condemned to pass!
+</p>
+<p>
+But to the consolation of which I spoke, and which in this diversion I
+was nigh forgetting. Papa, as I mentioned, was bent on going home;
+and now these costly preparations of wedding finery offer the means of
+opposing him, for of what use could they possibly be at Dodsborough,
+Kitty? To what end that enormous outlay, if brought back to the regions
+of Bruff? Here is an expensive armament,&mdash;all the <i>matériel</i> of a
+campaign provided; who would counsel the consigning it to rust and
+decay? who would advise giving over to moths what might be made the
+adornment of some brilliant capital? Whether we consider the question
+morally, financially, or strategically, we arrive at the same
+conclusion. Such a display as this, if exhibited at home, would
+revolutionize the whole neighborhood, disgust them with home-grown gowns
+and bonnets, and lead to irrepressible extravagance, debt, and ruin. So
+far for moral considerations. Financially, the cost is incurred, and it
+only remains to make the outlay profitable; this, it is needless to say,
+cannot be done at Dodsborough. And now for the strategy, the tactical
+part, Kitty. We all know that whenever a marriage is broken off, scandal
+seizes the occasion for any reports she likes to circulate, and the
+good-natured world always agrees in condemning "the lady." If her
+character or conduct be unimpeachable, then they make searches as to
+her temper. She was a termagant that ruled her whole family, scolded her
+sisters, bullied her brothers, and was the terror of everyone. If this
+indictment cannot be sustained, they find a flaw in her fortune; her
+twenty thousand was "only ten;" ten, Irish currency; perhaps on an Irish
+mortgage of an Irish property, mayhap charged with Heaven knows what of
+annuities to Irish relations! Now, Kitty, it is essential to avoid every
+one of these evil imputations, and I have supplied mamma with so good
+a brief in the cause, so carefully drawn up, and so well argued, that
+I don't think papa will let the case go to a jury, or, in other words,
+that he will give in his submission at once. I have much more to tell
+you, and will write again to-morrow.
+</p>
+<p>
+Ever yours in affection,
+</p>
+<p>
+Mary Anne Dodd.
+</p>
+<a name="2H_4_0046"><!-- H2 anchor --></a>
+
+<div style="height: 4em;"><br><br><br><br></div>
+
+<h2>
+    LETTER XLII. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+</h2>
+<h3>
+    Lake of Constance
+</h3>
+<p>
+My dearest Kittt,&mdash;True to my pledge, I sit down to continue the
+revelations, the first volume of which is already before you; and as I
+left off in a chapter of <i>désagréables</i>, let me finish the theme ere I
+proceed to pleasanter paths and greener pastures.
+</p>
+<p>
+Betty Cobb has gone and taken to herself a husband; and such a husband
+as really I did not fancy could be found nearer us than the Waterkloof,
+if that be the correct spelling of the pleasant locality in Kaffirland
+where some of the something&mdash;Fifth or Eighth&mdash;are always getting
+surprised and cut to pieces. The creature is a swineherd,&mdash;one of those
+dreadful semi-savages that Germany rears out of respect to its ancient
+traditions about wood demons and kobolds. So terrific an object I never
+beheld, and his "get up," as James would call it, equals his natural
+advantages.
+</p>
+<p>
+You may remember the wretches who are thrusting the page into the
+furnace in Retsch's illustrations of Schiller's poem, "Der Gang auf
+den Eisenhammer,"&mdash;one of these is a flattering likeness of him. Betty,
+however, whose taste in manly beauty is not formed on the Antinous
+model, believes him to be perfection. At all events, no promise of
+double wages, presents, or other seductions could warp her allegiance
+from this seductive object; and as mamma suddenly discovered that she
+was quite indispensable to her, the consequence is that we have to
+accept the company and companionship of the graceful "Taddy," who is now
+part of our legation as a swineherd unattached. You must know, Kitty,
+that these worthy people, who are brought up from infancy to regard
+pigs as the most important part of the creation, are impressed with
+a profound contempt for the human species; that all their habits are
+imbued with swinish tastes, modes, and prejudices,&mdash;that they love to
+live in woods, sleep on the ground, and grunt their sentiments, when
+they have any. Whether these be the characteristics of conjugalism, or
+the features which, as the book says, "make home happy," time and Betty
+alone can tell. I must say that fear and disgust are, for the present,
+the impressions his appearance suggests to me; but Betty is clearly of a
+different mind.
+</p>
+<p>
+Meanwhile, as regards ourselves, he is really a most embarrassing
+element of the state. He is totally unacquainted with all laws, divine
+and human, and only sufficiently gifted with speech to convey his
+commonest wishes; and, from what I can learn, Caspar Hauser was a man
+of the world in comparison to him. Papa is, of course, frantic at the
+thought of his pertaining to us,&mdash;but what is to be done? Betty has
+declared that she will follow him to Jericho; by which she means to some
+fabulous land of unreal geography; and mamma will not part with Betty.
+To-morrow, or next day, I expect to hear that Taddy protests he can't
+live without his pigs, and that a legion of swine become part of our
+travelling equipment. Already has his presence on our staff called for
+the attention of the authorities, who are, very naturally, curious to
+know what we mean by such a functionary. Papa, on his side, thinks it
+part of an Englishman's birthright to resist, oppose, and torment the
+police; and, of course, will give no information whatever as to why he
+is here, but avows his determination to retain him in his service just
+on that account.
+</p>
+<p>
+These complications&mdash;to give them a mild name&mdash;have so absorbed me that
+I have forgotten to tell you about our present place of sojourn. The
+Lake of Constance sounds pretty, dearest. It seems to address itself
+at once to our sense of the beautiful, and our moral attachment to the
+true. As we approached it, I looked eagerly from the carriage, at each
+turning of the mountain road, for some glimpses of the scenery; but
+night fell suddenly, and closed all in darkness. Early on the following
+morning I arose, and taking Augustine with my sketch-book, hurried down
+to the border of the lake; for our most quaint and ancient "hostelry"
+stands in the very centre of the town, and fully fifteen minutes' walk
+from the water. We reached it suddenly, on turning the angle of a narrow
+lane, and came out upon a small stone pier projecting into the water,
+and this was the lake,&mdash;the Lake of Constance! Only think, Kitty, of
+a great wide expanse of bleak water, with low shores; no glaciers,
+no Alps, no sublimity! I could have cried with disappointment The
+custom-house people&mdash;very nice-looking men, with a becoming uniform of
+green and gold&mdash;assured me that at the upper end of the lake I should
+see the mountains of the Vorarlberg, and also the range of the Swiss
+Alps, and have abundant material for my pencil. Meanwhile they made an
+old boatman sit while I sketched him; he was mending his net, and with
+his long blue nightcap, and scarf of the same color, his snow-white
+beard, and fine Rembrandt color, he really made a charming study. The
+chief officer of the customs&mdash;a remarkably handsome man, with the very
+blackest moustaches&mdash;was in downright enthusiasm at the success of my
+little sketch; and really, as it was utterly valueless, I could not
+resist Augustine's entreaty to tear it out of my book and give it to
+him.
+</p>
+<a name="image-0024"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/024a.jpg" height="813" width="1050"
+alt="1a024
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+You can't think, Kitty' with what a graceful mixture of gratitude and
+dignity he accepted my worthless present. He might, so far as breeding
+went, have been a captain of hussars. He accompanied us all the way back
+to the hotel, having previously placed his boat and his boat's crew at
+my disposal during our stay here. Ah, Kitty, what a charm there is in
+the amiable tone of foreigners! How striking the contrast between their
+cultivated politeness and the rude barbarism of our own people! Fancy
+for a moment what is our home notion of a custom-house official!&mdash;a
+shabby genteel individual, with a week's beard and a brandy-and-water
+eye, that pokes into your trunk after French gloves, and searches
+your brother's pocket for cheroots. Imagine <i>him</i> beside one of these
+magnificently dressed and really splendid-looking men, with all the air
+of an aide-de-camp to the Queen! How naturally we are led to estimate
+the style in which people live by the dress and appointment of their
+household; and should we not pass a similar judgment on states, and
+argue, from the appropriate costume of the functionaries, to their own
+completeness and perfection of system?
+</p>
+<p>
+I said nothing to mamma of our newly made acquaintance; for as I entered
+the inn I learned that James and another gentleman had just arrived, but
+so tired and fatigued that they both had given orders that they should
+not be disturbed on any account. You may be sure, Kitty, I was intensely
+curious to know who the stranger was; but all my inquiries were only so
+many additional provocatives to my eagerness, without any satisfaction!
+I learned, indeed, that he was young, handsome, tall, and spoke French
+and German fluently; so much so, indeed, that the waiter hesitated
+whether to call him English or not! James and his fellow-traveller had
+arrived by the diligence from Schaffhausen, so that there was really
+nothing by which we could catch a clew to his friend; and I was left to
+my patience and my conjectures till breakfast time.
+</p>
+<p>
+I own to you, Kitty, the trial was too much for my nerves, overstrung as
+they have been by late events. I fancied a thousand things. I imagined
+incidents, events, casualties, of which, even to you, dearest, I cannot
+give the interpretation. Unable, at last, to resist the working of a
+curiosity that had risen to a torture, I took the resolution to awake
+James, and ask who was his friend. I traversed the corridor with
+stealthy footsteps, and sought out the number of his room. It was 43,
+the waiter said, and the last on the gallery; and so I found it. I
+turned the handle noiselessly, and entered. The window-curtains were
+closely drawn, and all was in deep shadow. In one corner of the chamber
+stood the bed, from which the deep respirations of the sleeper issued;
+and, poor fellow, it must have been more than common fatigue and
+weariness that could have caused such sounds. As with cat-like stillness
+I stole across the chamber, my eyes, growing accustomed to the dim
+half-light, began to discover objects on each side of me. For instance,
+I perceived a splendid dressing-gown of amber-colored silk, lined with
+pale blue, and gorgeously embroidered; a cap of the same colors, with
+a silver tassel of a foot in length, lay beside it Slippers of costly
+embroidery in silver thread, and a most magnificent meerschaum, with a
+mounting of gold and rubies, was on the table, beside a pair of
+pistols, whose carved stocks were inlaid with a tracery of the finest
+workmanship. These I knew to be James's, for I had seen them with him;
+and there were various other articles equally splendid and costly,
+all new to me,&mdash;such as card-cases, tablets, cigar-holders, and a most
+gorgeous dressing-case of gold and Bohemian glass, from which, really, I
+could scarcely tear myself away. I was well aware that James had set no
+limit to his personal extravagance; but these, and the display of rings,
+pins, buttons, shirt-studs, chains, and trinkets of all kinds, perfectly
+astounded me. And here let me remark, Kitty, that the young men of
+the present day far exceed us in all that pertains to this taste
+for ornamental jewelry. As my eyes ranged over these attractive and
+beautiful objects, I was particularly struck with an opal brooch,
+representing a parrot in the midst of palm-leaves. It was a most
+beautiful piece of enamel work, studded with gems of every brilliant
+hue.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was, as you may imagine, far too pretty for a man's wear, and I
+resolved to profit by the occasion, to appropriate, or, as the Americans
+say, to "annex" it to my own possessions. I had just fastened it in the
+front of my dress, when the handle of the door turned, and&mdash;oh, Kitty!
+conceive my agony as I heard James's voice speaking from without! It
+was, therefore, not <i>his</i> chamber where I was standing, nor could the
+sleeper be <i>he!</i> Escape and concealment were my first thought, and I
+sprang behind a screen at the very moment the door opened. Should I live
+a hundred years, I shall never cease to remember the intense misery of
+that moment. You need only picture my situation to your own mind, to see
+how distressing it must have been. The certainty of being discovered if
+I made the slightest noise saved me from fainting, but I almost fancied
+that the loud beating of my heart might have betrayed me.
+</p>
+<p>
+James came in without any peculiar deference for the sleeper's nerves,
+and, upsetting a chair or two, stumbled across the room towards the bed,
+on which he seated himself, calling out "George&mdash;Tiverton&mdash;old fellow!
+don't you mean to get up at all to-day?"
+</p>
+<a name="image-0025"><!--IMG--></a>
+<center>
+<img src="images/028a.jpg" height="739" width="742"
+alt="028a
+">
+</center>
+
+<p>
+Oh, Kitty! fancy my trembling tenor as I heard that I was in the chamber
+of Lord George Tiverton. The very utmost I could do was to refrain from
+a scream; nor do I now know how I succeeded in repressing it.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was not till after repeated efforts that James succeeded in awaking
+his friend, who at length, with a long-drawn sigh, exclaimed, "By Jove,
+Jemmy! I'm glad you routed me up. I 've had a horrid dream. Only think,
+I imagined that I was still in the House of Lords listening to that
+confounded case! I fancied that Scratchley was addressing their
+Lordships in reply, and pledging himself to show that gross neglect, and
+even cruelty, could be proved against me. The old scoundrel's harsh
+voice is still ringing in my ears, and I hear him tearing me to very
+tatters!"
+</p>
+<p>
+"Was there anything of that sort?" said James, as he struck a light to
+his cigar and began smoking.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Why, I must say, he was <i>not</i> complimentary. These fellows, you are
+aware, have a vocabulary of their own, and when setting up a defence
+for a pretty woman, married at seventeen, they pitch into one's little
+frailties at a very cruel rate. Not exactly that the narrative is very
+detrimental to a man's future prospects; what really damages you is
+what they call cruelty, and your wife's maid&mdash;particularly if she be a
+Frenchwoman&mdash;can always prove this."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Indeed!" exclaimed James, in some astonishment.
+</p>
+<p>
+"To be sure she can. Why, everything that thwarts her mistress in
+anything&mdash;good, bad, or indifferent&mdash;is cruelty in the French sense.
+You are rather given to fast acquaintances; you bring home with you to
+supper, some three or four times a week, detachments of that respectable
+company one meets at Tattersall's Yard, or in the Turf Club; chicken
+hazard and the <i>coulisses</i> of the opera are amongst your weaknesses;
+you have a taste for sport, and would rather take the odds against the
+favorite than lay out your spare cash at Howell and James's. That 's
+cruelty! When regularly done up in town, you make a bolt for Boulogne,
+or rush down to your shooting-box in the Highlands. That 's more
+cruelty, and neglect besides! Terribly pressed for money, you try to
+bully your wife's uncle, one of the trustees to her settlement, and
+threaten to kick him downstairs. Gross cruelty! Harder up again, you
+pledge her diamonds. Shocking cruelty! Cleared out and sold up,
+you suggest the propriety of her sending away the French maid, and
+travelling up to Paris alone. That's monstrous cruelty! And, in fact,
+all together establish a clear justification for anything that may
+befall you. Besides this, Jemmy, if you marry a girl of good family, she
+is sure to have either a father, an uncle, or a brother, or perhaps some
+three or four cousins in the Lords; now, whatever comes off, they oppose
+your bill, and as their Lordships only want to hear your story, to
+listen to the piquant narrative of domestic differences and conjugal
+jarrings, nobody cares a straw whether you succeed or not. Give me a
+light, Jim."
+</p>
+<p>
+They both continued to puff their cigars for some time in silence,
+during which my sufferings rose to absolute torture; for, in addition to
+the shocking circumstances of my own situation, was now the fact of my
+having overheard a most private conversation.
+</p>
+<p>
+"So they threw out your bill?" asked James, after a pause.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Deferred judgment!" replied the other, puffing, "which comes to pretty
+nigh the same thing. Asked for further evidence, explanations, what not!
+Cursed cigars! don't draw at all."
+</p>
+<p>
+"They 're Bollard's best Havannahs."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Well, perhaps I've been unlucky in my choice; if so, it's not the first
+time, Jem;" and he laughed heartily at the notion. "I say, take care and
+don't say anything about this affair of mine."
+</p>
+<p>
+"But it will be in all the papers. The 'Times' will give it to-morrow or
+next day."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Not a bit of it,&mdash;had a private hearing, old fellow. Too many good
+names compromised to have the thing made town talk,&mdash;you understand."
+</p>
+<p>
+"Ah, that's it!" said James.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Yes, It 's one of the few privileges remaining to what Lord Grey calls
+'our order,' except, perhaps, the judgments of the London magistrates.
+To do <i>them</i> justice, the fellows do know what a lord is, and 'they
+act accordingly.' There, it's out at last,"&mdash;and he threw away his
+cigar,&mdash;"and I suppose I may as well think of getting up. Just draw that
+curtain, Jem, and open the shutter."
+</p>
+<p>
+Oh, Kitty dearest, can you form to yourself any idea of my situation!
+James had already risen from the bedside, and was groping his way to the
+window. Another moment, and the flood of light would pour into the room
+and inevitably discover me. My agitation almost choked me; it was like
+a sense of drowning, and at the same time accompanied by the terrible
+thought that I must not dare to cry for succor. James was busy with the
+button of the window-fastening,&mdash;another instant and it would be too
+late,&mdash;and with the energy of utter despair I sprang from behind the
+screen, and then, pushing it with all my force, upset it over the
+toilet-table, the whole tumbling against James with a horrid crash, and
+laying him prostrate beneath the ruins. I dashed from the room with
+the speed of lightning; I know not how I flew along the gallery, up the
+stairs, and gained my own chamber, but, as I turned the key inside, all
+consciousness left me, and I fell fainting on the floor. The noise of
+many footsteps on the corridor outside, and the sound of voices, aroused
+me. The fragments I could collect showed me that all were discussing the
+late catastrophe, and none able to explain it. Oh, Kitty, what a gush
+of delight rushed through me to hear that I had escaped unseen, unknown,
+unsuspected!
+</p>
+<p>
+The general voice attributed the accident to James's awkwardness, and I
+could perceive that he had not escaped without some bruises.
+</p>
+<p>
+It was a long time, too, ere I could turn my thoughts from my late peril
+to think of the strange revelation I had been witness to; nor was it
+without a certain shock to my feelings that I learned Lord George was
+married. His attentions to me were certainly particular, Kitty. No girl,
+with any knowledge of life, makes any mistake on the subject, because,
+if she entertains a doubt, she knows how at once to resolve it, by tests
+as unerring as those a chemist employs to discover arsenic.
+</p>
+<p>
+Now, I had submitted him to one or two of these at times, and they
+all showed him to be "infallibly affected." With what a sense of
+disappointment, then, was I to hear that he was already married, the
+only alleviation being that he was seeking to dissolve the tie! Poor
+fellow! how completely did this unhappy circumstance explain many
+expressions whose meaning had hitherto puzzled me! How I saw through
+clouds and mists that once obscured the atmosphere of my hopes! And
+how readily did I forgive him for vacillation and uncertainty, which,
+before, had often distressed and displeased me. Until free, it was, of
+course, impossible that he could avow his sentiments undisguisedly,
+and now I recognized the noble character of the struggle that he had
+maintained with himself. Oh, Kitty, it is not only that "the course of
+true love never did run smooth," but it really could not be true love
+if it did so. The sluggish stream of common affection flows lazily
+along between the muddy banks and sedgy sides of ordinary life, but the
+boiling torrent of passionate love requires the rocks of difficulty
+to dam its course and impart that character of foamy impetuosity that
+sweeps away every obstacle and dashes onward to its goal regardless of
+danger! I 'm sure I feel quite convinced that such is the nature of Lord
+G.'s passion; and that now these stupid "Lords" have rejected his plea
+for a divorce, if he be not rescued by the hand of devoted affection, he
+may rash madly into every excess, and dissipate the great talents with
+which he is so remarkably gifted.
+</p>
+<p>
+Be candid now, my darling Kitty, and confess frankly that you are
+greatly shocked at these doctrines, and your dear little Irish prudery
+blushes crimson at the bare thought of feeling even an interest in a
+man already married, and horrified at the notion of his hypothetical
+attentions. Yes, I see it all; your sweetly dimpled mouth is pursed up
+with conscious propriety, and you are arranging your features into
+all the sternness of judicial severity; but hear me for one moment in
+defence, if not in justification. All these things seem very dreadful to
+you in the solitudes of Tipperary, simply because of their infrequency.
+The man who has separated from his wife, or the woman divorced from
+her husband, are great criminals to your home-bred notions, and by
+your social code they are sentenced at once to a life of solitude and
+isolation; but in the real world, my dear Kitty, on the great stage
+of life, this severity would be downright absurdity; the category so
+mercilessly condemned by you is exactly that which contains the
+true salt of society; these are the very people that everybody calls
+charming, fascinating, delightful! All the elastic, buoyant natures,
+the joyous spirits, the invariable good tempers, the generous hearts one
+meets with, are amongst them. Why such happily gifted creatures should
+not have made their homes a paradise, is a problem none can solve. It
+is like the squaring of the circle,&mdash;the cause of Irish misery,&mdash;or
+anything else you can think of equally inscrutable; but the fact is as I
+tell you; and if you will just run your eye over any list of fashionable
+company, and select such as I speak of, believe me you will have
+extracted all the plums from the pudding. As for Lord George himself, a
+more delightful creature does not exist; and one has only to know him
+to be convinced that the woman who could not be happy with him must be a
+demon. Of the generous character he possesses, and at the same time the
+consummate tact of his manner, an instance grew out of the little event
+I have just related. In my confusion and embarrassment after escaping
+from the room, I totally forgot the brooch which I had placed in my
+dress, and actually came down to breakfast with it still there. Guess
+my shame and horror, Kitty, when James called out, across the table, "I
+say, Mary Anne, what a smart pin you 've got there,&mdash;one of the neatest
+things I have seen." I grew scarlet, then pale, and felt as if I was
+going to faint; when Lord George cried out, "It is, really, very tasty.
+I had one myself something like it, but the stones were emeralds, not
+rubies; and I think Miss Dodd's is prettier."
+</p>
+<p>
+The man who could rescue one at such a conjuncture, Kitty, is worthy
+of all confidence, and so I told him by a glance. Meanwhile he gave the
+conversation another turn by proposing a fishing excursion on the lake,
+and immediately after breakfast we all sallied forth to the water.
+</p>
+<p>
+Notwithstanding his agreeability,&mdash;and he never displayed it to greater
+advantage,&mdash;I was silent and abstracted during the entire day. The
+embarrassment of my position was almost unendurable; and it was only
+as he took my arm, to conduct me back to the hotel, that I regained
+anything like courage.
+</p>
+<p>
+"Why are you so serious?" said he. "Mind, I don't want a confession;
+only, that I have a secret for <i>your</i> ear, whenever you will trust <i>me</i>
+with one of yours."
+</p>
+<p>
+I made him no answer, Kitty, but walked along in silence, and with my
+veil down.
+</p>
+<p>
+I write all these things to my dearest friend with less reserve than I
+could recall them to my own memory in solitude. I tell her everything;
+and she is the true partner of my joys, my sorrows, my hopes, and my
+terrors. Yet must I leave much to her imagination to picture forth the
+state of my affections, and the troubled sea of my heart's emotions.
+And, oh! dearest, kindest, tenderest of all friends, do not mistake, do
+not misconstrue the feelings of your ever attached and devoted
+</p>
+<p>
+Mary Anne.
+</p>
+<p>
+I wanted to tell you something of our future destination, and I have
+detained this for that purpose, but still everything is uncertain and
+undecided. Papa received a large packet, like law papers and leases,
+from Mr. Purcell yesterday, and has been occupied in perusing them ever
+since. We are in terror lest he should decide on going back; and every
+time he enters the room we are trembling in dread of the announcement.
+Mamma has had an hysterical attack in preparation for the moment, for
+the last twenty-four hours, and even if "no cause be shown," I fancy she
+will not throw away so much good agony for nothing, but take it out for
+what Sir Boyle Roach fought his duel, "miscellaneous reasons."
+</p>
+<p>
+Cary is still staying with the Morrises. How she endures it I can't
+conceive; a half-pay lover and a half-pay <i>ménage</i> are two things that,
+to <i>me</i> at least, would be insupportable. The girl is really totally
+destitute of all proper pride, and makes the silly mistake of supposing
+that a spirit of independence is the best form of self-esteem. I suppose
+it will end by the "Captain's" proposing for her; but up to this, I
+believe, it is all friendship, regard, and so on.
+</p>
+<center>
+END OF VOL. I.
+</center>
+
+
+<br>
+<br>
+<hr>
+<br>
+<br>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Dodd Family Abroad, Vol. I.(of II), by 
+Charles James Lever
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DODD FAMILY ABROAD ***
+
+***** This file should be named 35441-h.htm or 35441-h.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        http://www.gutenberg.org/3/5/4/4/35441/
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+http://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+http://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at http://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit http://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
+To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     http://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
+
+
+</pre>
+
+</body>
+</html>
diff --git a/35441-h/images/014.jpg b/35441-h/images/014.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..3650b78
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/014.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/024a.jpg b/35441-h/images/024a.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c029004
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/024a.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/028a.jpg b/35441-h/images/028a.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..010ecd0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/028a.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/050.jpg b/35441-h/images/050.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..0c705b7
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/050.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/058.jpg b/35441-h/images/058.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..13019b6
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/058.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/090.jpg b/35441-h/images/090.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..b91a0bf
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/090.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/094.jpg b/35441-h/images/094.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..e522fad
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/094.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/100.jpg b/35441-h/images/100.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..216767a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/100.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/142.jpg b/35441-h/images/142.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..199248b
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/142.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/152.jpg b/35441-h/images/152.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4707754
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/152.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/168.jpg b/35441-h/images/168.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..2671dc0
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/168.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/200.jpg b/35441-h/images/200.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..a322226
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/200.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/214.jpg b/35441-h/images/214.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..10ce3b5
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/214.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/232.jpg b/35441-h/images/232.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6c645ce
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/232.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/256.jpg b/35441-h/images/256.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..4dfab71
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/256.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/278.jpg b/35441-h/images/278.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..d8ebff4
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/278.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/304.jpg b/35441-h/images/304.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..64a2131
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/304.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/314.jpg b/35441-h/images/314.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..0ca076a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/314.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/340.jpg b/35441-h/images/340.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..d10797f
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/340.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/342.jpg b/35441-h/images/342.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..c1de180
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/342.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/384.jpg b/35441-h/images/384.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..61bcd7a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/384.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/388.jpg b/35441-h/images/388.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..a696480
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/388.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/436.jpg b/35441-h/images/436.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..a268401
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/436.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/470.jpg b/35441-h/images/470.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..31f060d
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/470.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/488.jpg b/35441-h/images/488.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..1523242
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/488.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/536.jpg b/35441-h/images/536.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..379ac29
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/536.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/544.jpg b/35441-h/images/544.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..a5dcaee
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/544.jpg
diff --git a/35441-h/images/frontispiece.jpg b/35441-h/images/frontispiece.jpg
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..cd684f4
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441-h/images/frontispiece.jpg
diff --git a/35441.txt b/35441.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..dbd41c3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,18216 @@
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Dodd Family Abroad, Vol. I.(of II), by
+Charles James Lever
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Dodd Family Abroad, Vol. I.(of II)
+
+Author: Charles James Lever
+
+Illustrator: Phiz And W. Cubitt Cooke
+
+Release Date: March 1, 2011 [EBook #35441]
+[Last updated: September 26, 2020]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DODD FAMILY ABROAD ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD
+
+By Charles James Lever
+
+With Illustrations By Phiz And W. Cubitt Cooke.
+
+In Two Volumes: Vol. I.
+
+Boston: Little, Brown, And Company
+
+1895.
+
+
+
+
+TO SIR EDWARD LYTTON BULWER LYTTON, Bart., M.P.
+
+My Dear Sir Edward,--While asking you to accept the dedication of this
+volume, I feel it would be something very nigh akin to the Bathos
+were _I_ to say one word of Eulogy of those powers which the world has
+recognised in _you_.
+
+Let me, however, be permitted, in common with thousands, to welcome the
+higher development which your Genius is hourly attaining, to say God
+speed to the Author of "The Caxtons" and "My Novel," and cry "Hear!" to
+the Eloquent Orator whose words have awakened an enthusiasm that shows
+Chivalry still lives amongst us.
+
+Believe me, in all admiration and esteem,
+
+Your faithful friend,
+
+CHARLES LEVER.
+
+Casa Capponi, Florence, March, 1854.
+
+
+
+
+PREFACE.
+
+Although the faulty judgment of authors on their own productions has
+assumed something like the force of a proverb, I am ready to incur the
+hazard of avowing that the present volume is, to my own thinking, better
+than anything else I have done. I am not about to defend its numerous
+shortcomings and great faults. I will not say one word in extenuation of
+a plan which, to many readers, forms an insuperable objection,--that
+of a story in letters. I wish simply to record the fact that the book
+afforded me much pleasure in the writing, and that I felt an amount of
+interest in the character of Kenny Dodd such as I have never before nor
+since experienced for any personage of my own creation.
+
+The reader who is at all acquainted with the incidents of foreign
+travel, and the strange individuals to be met with on every European
+highway, will readily acquit me of exaggeration either in describing the
+mistaken impressions conceived of Continental life, or the difficulties
+of forming anything like a correct estimate of national habits by those
+whose own sphere of observation was so limited in their own country.
+In Kenny Dodd, I attempted to portray a man naturally acute and
+intelligent, sensible and well judging where his prejudices did not
+pervert his reason, and singularly quick to appreciate the ridicule
+of any absurd situation in which he did not figure himself. To all the
+pretentious ambitions of his family,--to their exaggerated sense of
+themselves and their station,--to their inordinate desire to figure in a
+rank above their own, and appear to be something they had never hitherto
+attempted,--I have made him keenly and sensitively alive. He sees Mrs.
+Dodd's perils,--there is not a sunk rock nor a shoal before her that he
+has not noted, and yet for the life of him he can't help booking himself
+for the voyage. There is an Irishman's love of drollery,--that passion
+for what gives him a hearty laugh, even though he come in for his share
+of the ridicule, which repays him for every misadventure. If he is
+momentarily elated by the high and distinguished company in which he
+finds himself, so far from being shocked when he discovers them to be
+swindlers and blacklegs, he chuckles over the blunders of Mrs. D. and
+Mary Anne, and writes off to his friend Purcell a letter over which he
+laughs till his eyes run.
+
+Of those broad matters to which a man of good common-sense can apply
+his faculties fairly, his opinions are usually just and true; he likes
+truth, he wants to see things as they are. Of everything conventional he
+is almost invariably in error; and it is this struggle that in a manner
+reflects the light and shade of his nature, showing him at one moment
+clear-headed and observant, and at the next absurdly mistaken and
+ignorant.
+
+It was in no spirit of sarcasm on my countrymen that I took an Irishman
+to represent these incongruities; nay, more, I will say that in the very
+liability to be so strongly impressed from without, lies much of that
+unselfishness which forms that staple of the national character which so
+greatly recommends them to strangers.
+
+If I do not speak of the other characters of the book, it is because I
+feel that whatever humble merit the volume may possess is ascribable to
+the truthfulness of this principal personage. It is less the Dodd family
+for which I would bespeak the reader's interest, than for the trials of
+Kenny Dodd himself, his thoughts and opinions.
+
+Finally, let me observe that this story has had the fortune to be better
+liked by my friends, and less valued by the public, than any other of my
+books.
+
+I wrote it, as I have said, with pleasure; well satisfied should I be
+that any of my readers might peruse it with as much. It was planned and
+executed in a quiet little cottage in the Gulf of Spezia, something more
+than six years ago. I am again in the same happy spot; and, as I turn
+over the pages, not altogether lost to some of the enjoyment they once
+afforded me in the writing, and even more than before anxious that I
+should not be alone in that sentiment.
+
+It is in vain, however, for an author to bespeak favor for that which
+comes not recommended by merits of its own; and if Kenny Dodd finds no
+acceptance with you on his own account, it is hopeless to expect that he
+will be served by the introduction of so partial a friend as
+
+Your devoted servant,
+
+CHARLES LEVER.
+
+Marola, Gulf of Spezia,
+
+October 1,1859.
+
+
+
+
+A WORD FROM THE EDITOR.
+
+The Editor of the Dodd Correspondence may possibly be expected to give
+the Public some information as to the manner by which these Letters
+came into his possession, and the reasons which led him to publish them.
+Happily he can do both without any breach of honorable confidence. The
+circumstances were these:--
+
+Mr. Dodd, on his returning to Ireland, passed through the little
+watering-place of Spezzia, where the Editor was then sojourning. They
+met accidentally, formed acquaintanceship, and then intimacy. Amongst
+the many topics of conversation between them, the Continent and its
+habits occupied a very wide space. Mr. D. had lived little abroad; the
+Editor had passed half of a life there. Their views and judgment were,
+as might be surmised, not always alike; and if novelty had occasionally
+misled one, time and habit had not less powerfully blunted the
+perceptions of the other. The old resident discovered, to his
+astonishment, that the very opinions which he smiled at from his
+friend, had been once his own; that he had himself incurred some of the
+mistakes, and fallen into many of the blunders, which he now ridiculed,
+and that, so far from the Dodd Family being the exception, they were
+in reality no very unfair samples of a large class of our travelling
+countrymen. They had come abroad with crude and absurd notions of what
+awaited them on the Continent. They dreamed of economy, refinement,
+universal politeness, and a profound esteem for England from all
+foreigners. They fancied that the advantages of foreign travel were
+to be obtained without cost or labor; that locomotion could educate,
+sight-seeing cultivate them; that in the capacity of British subjects
+every society should be open to them, and that, in fact, it was enough
+to emerge from home obscurity to become at once recognized in the
+fashionable circles of any Continental city.
+
+They not only entertained all these notions, but they held them in
+defiance of most contradictory elements. They practised the most rigid
+economy when professing immense wealth; they affected to despise the
+foreigner while shunning their own countrymen; they assumed to be
+votaries of art when merely running over galleries; and lastly, while
+laying claim, and just claim, for their own country to the highest moral
+standard of Europe, they not unfrequently outraged all the proprieties
+of foreign life by an open and shameless profligacy. It is difficult to
+understand how a mere change of locality can affect a man's notions of
+right and wrong, and how Cis-Alpine evil may be Trans-Alpine good. It
+is very hard to believe that a few parallels of latitude can affect the
+moral thermometer; but so it is, and so Mr. Dodd honestly confessed he
+found it. He not only avowed that he could do abroad what he could
+not dare to do at home, but that, worse still, the infraction cost
+no sacrifice of self-esteem, no self-reproach. It was not that these
+derelictions were part of the habits of foreign life, or at least of
+such of it as met the eye; it was, in reality, because he had come
+abroad with his own preconceived ideas of a certain latitude in morals,
+and was resolved to have the benefit of it. Such inconsistency in
+theory led, naturally, to absurdity in action, and John Bull became, in
+consequence, a mark for every trait of eccentricity that satirists could
+describe, or caricaturists paint.
+
+The gradations of rank so rigidly defined in England are less accurately
+marked out abroad. Society, like the face of the soil, is not enclosed
+by boundaries and fenced by hedgerows, but stretches away in boundless
+undulations of unlimited extent. The Englishman fancies there are no
+boundaries, because he does not see the landmarks. Since all seems open,
+he imagines there can be no trespass. This is a serious mistake! Not
+less a one is, to connect title with rank. He fancies that nobility
+represents abroad the same pretensions which it maintains in England,
+and indignantly revenges his own blunder by calumniating in common every
+foreigner of rank.
+
+Mr. Dodd fell into some of these errors; from others he escaped. Most,
+indeed, of his mistakes were those inseparable from a false position;
+and from the acuteness of his remarks in conversation, it is clear that
+he possessed fair powers of observation, and a mind well disposed to
+receive and retain the truth. One quality certainly his observations
+possessed,--they were "his own." They were neither worked out from the
+Guide-book, nor borrowed from his _Laquais de Place_. They were the
+honest convictions of a good ordinary capacity, sharpened by the habits
+of an active life. It was with sincere pleasure the Editor received from
+him the following note, which reached him about three weeks after they
+parted:--
+
+
+"DODSBOROUGH, BRUFF.
+
+"My dear Harry Lorrequer,--I have fished up all the Correspondence of
+the Dodd Family during our _Annus Mirabilis_ abroad, and send it to you
+with this. You have done some queer pranks at Editorship before now, so
+what would you say to standing Sponsor to us all, foundlings as we are
+in the world of letters? I have a notion in my head that we were n't a
+bit more ridiculous than nine-tenths of our travelling countrymen, and
+that, maybe, our mistakes and misconceptions might serve to warn such
+as may come after us over the same road. At all events, use your own
+discretion on the matter, but say nothing about it when you write to me,
+as Mrs. D. reads all my letters, and if she knew we were going to print
+her, the consequences would be awful!
+
+"You 'll be glad to hear that we got safe back here,--Tuesday was a
+week,--found everything much as usual,--farming stock looking up, pigs
+better than ever I knew them. I have managed to get James into the
+Police, and his foreign airs and graces are bringing him into the
+tip-top society of the country. Purcell tells me that we 'll be driven
+to sell Dodsborough in the Estates Court, and I suppose it 's the best
+thing after all, for we can buy it in, and clear off the mortgages that
+was the ruin of us.
+
+"When everything is settled, I have an idea of taking a run through the
+United States, to have a peep at Jonathan. If so, you shall hear from
+me.
+
+"Meanwhile, I am yours, very faithfully,
+
+"Kenny I. Dodd.
+
+"Do you know any Yankees, or could you get me a few letters to some of
+their noticeable men? for I 'd like to have an opportunity of talk with
+them."
+
+The Editor at once set about the inspection of the documents forwarded
+to him, and carefully perused the entire correspondence; nor was it
+until after a mature consideration that he determined on accepting the
+responsible post which Mr. Dodd had assigned to him.
+
+He who edits a Correspondence, to a certain extent is assumed to be a
+concurring party, if not to the statements contained in it, at least to
+its general tone and direction. It is in vain for him to try and hide
+his own shadow behind the foreground figure of the picture, or merge
+his responsibility in that of his principal. The reader will hold him
+chargeable for opinions that he has made public, and for sentiments
+which, but for his intervention, had slept within the drawer of a
+cabinet. This is more particularly the case where the sentiments
+recorded are not those of any great thinker or high authority amongst
+men whose _dicta_ may be supposed capable of standing the test of
+a controversy, on the mere strength of him who uttered them. Now,
+unhappily, the Dodd Family have not as yet produced one of these gifted
+individuals. Their views of the world, as they saw it in a foreign tour,
+are those of persons of very moderate capacity, with very few special
+opportunities for observation. They wrote in all the frankness of close
+friendship to those with whom they were most intimately allied. They
+uttered candidly what they felt acutely. They chronicled their
+sorrows, their successes, their triumphs, and their shame. And although
+experience did teach them something as they went, their errors tracked
+them to the last. It cannot be expected, then, that the Editor is
+prepared to back their opinions and uphold their notions, nor is he
+blamable for the judgments they have pronounced on many points. It is
+true, it was open to him to have retrenched this and suppressed that. He
+might have cancelled a confession here, or blotted out an avowal there;
+but had he done so in one Letter, the allusion contained in some other
+might have been pointless,--the distinctive character of the writer
+lost; and what is of more moment than either, a new difficulty
+engendered, viz., what to retain where there was so much to retrench.
+Besides this, Mrs. D. is occasionally wrong where K. I. is right, and it
+is only by contrasting the impressions that the value of the judgments
+can be appreciated.
+
+It is not in our present age of high civilization that an Editor need
+fear the charge of having divulged family secrets, or made the private
+history of domestic life a subject for public commentary. Happily, we
+live in a period of enlightenment that can defy such petty slanders.
+Very high and titled individuals have shown themselves superior to
+similar accusations, and if the "Dodds" can in any wise contribute
+to the amusement or instruction of the world, they may well feel
+recompensed for an exposure to which others have been subjected before
+them.
+
+As in all cases of this kind, the Editor's share has been of the very
+lightest. It would not have become him to have added anything either
+of explanation or apology to the contents of these Letters. Even when a
+word or two might have served to correct a mistaken impression, he
+has preferred to leave the obvious task to the reader's judgment to
+obtrusively making himself the means of interpretation. In fact, he has
+had little to do beyond opening the door and announcing the company, and
+his functions cease when this duty is accomplished. It would be alike
+ungracious and ungrateful in him, however, were he to retire without
+again thanking those kind and indulgent friends who have so long and so
+warmly welcomed him.
+
+With no higher ambition in life than to be the servant of that same
+Public, nor any more ardent desire than to merit well at their hands, he
+writes himself, as he has so often had occasion to do before, but at no
+time more sincerely than now,
+
+Their very devoted and faithful servant,
+
+THE EDITOR.
+
+
+
+
+THE DODD FAMILY ABROAD
+
+
+
+
+LETTER I. TO MR. THOMAS PURCELL, OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+
+Hotel Des Bains, Ostend.
+
+Dear Tom,--Here we are at last,--as tired and seasick a party as
+ever landed on the same shore! Twenty-eight hours of it, from the St.
+Katharine Docks, six of them bobbing opposite Margate in a fog,--ringing
+a big bell all the time, and firing minute-guns, lest some thumping
+India-man or a homeward-bound Peninsular should run into us,--and five
+more sailing up and down before Ostend, till it was safe to cross the
+bar, and enter the blackguard little harbor. The "Phoenix"--that was our
+boat--started the night before the "Paul Jones" mail-packet, and we
+only beat her by a neck, after all! And this was a piece of Mrs. Dodd's
+economy: the "Phoenix" only charges "ten-and-six" for the first cabin;
+but, what with the board for a day and night, boats to fetch you out,
+and boats to fetch you in, brandy-and-water against the sickness,--much
+good it was!--soda-water, stewards, and the devil knows what of broken
+crockery,--James fell into the "cuddy," I think they call it,
+and smashed two dozen and three wine-glasses, the most of a blue
+tea-service, and a big tureen,--the economy turned out a "delusion and a
+snare," as they say in the House. It 's over now, thank God! and, except
+some bruises against the bulkheads and a touch of a jaundice, I 'm
+nothing the worse. We landed at night, and were marched off in a gang to
+the Custom House. Such a time I never spent before! for when they upset
+all our things on the floor, there was no getting them into the trunks
+again; and so we made our way through the streets, with shawls and muffs
+and silk dresses all round us, like a set of play-actors. As for me, I
+carried a turban in one hand, and a tray of artificial flowers in the
+other, with a toque on my head and a bird-of-paradise feather in my
+mouth. James fell, crossing the plank, with three bran-new frocks and a
+bonnet of the girls', and a thing Mrs. D. calls a "visite,"--egad,
+they made a visite of it, sure enough, and are likely to stay some time
+there, for they are under some five feet of black mud, that has lain
+there since before the memory of man. This was n't the worst of it;
+for Mrs. D., not seeing very well in the dark, gave one of the passport
+people a box on the ear that she meant for poor Paddy, and we were
+hauled up before the police, and made pay thirty francs for "insulting
+the authorities," with something written on our passport, besides,
+describing my wife as a dangerous kind of woman, that ought to be looked
+after. Poor Mathews had a funny song, that ran,--
+
+     "If ever you travel, it must n't seem queer
+     That you sometimes get rubs that you never get here."
+
+But, faith, it appears to me that we have fallen in with a most uncommon
+allowance of friction. Perhaps it's all for the best; and by a little
+roughing at first, we'll the sooner accustom ourselves to our new
+position.
+
+You know that I never thought much of this notion of coming abroad,
+but Mrs. D. was full of it, and gave me neither peace nor ease till I
+consented. To be sure, if it only realizes the half of what she says,
+it's a good speculation,--great economy, tip-top education for Tom and
+the girls, elegant society without expense, fine climate, and wine for
+the price of the bottles. I 'm sorry to leave Dodsborough.
+
+I got into a way of living there that suited me; and even in the few
+days I spent in London I was missing my morning's walk round the big
+turnip-field, and my little gossip with Joe Moone. Poor Joe! don't let
+him want while I 'm away, and be sure to give him his turf off our own
+bog. We won't be able to drain the Lough meadows this year, for we 'll
+want every sixpence we can lay our hands on for the start. Mrs. D. says,
+"'T is the way you begin abroad decides everything;" and, faith, our
+opening, up to this, has not been too prosperous.
+
+I thought we 'd have got plenty of letters of recommendation for the
+Continent while we were in London; but it is downright impossible to
+see people there. Vickars, our member, was never at home, and Lord
+Pummistone--I might besiege Downing Street from morning till night, and
+never get a sight of him! I wrote as many as twenty letters, and it was
+only when I bethought me of saying that the Whigs never did anything
+except for people of the Grey, Elliott, or Dundas family, that he sent
+me five lines, with a kind of introduction to any of the envoys or
+plenipotentiaries I might meet abroad,--a roving commission after a
+dinner,--sorrow more or less! I believe, however, that this is of no
+consequence; at least, a most agreeable man, one Krauth, the sub-consul
+at Moelendrach, somewhere in Holland, and who came over in the same
+packet with us, tells me that people of condition, like us, find
+their place in the genteel society abroad as naturally as a man with
+moustaches goes to Leicester Square. That seems a comfort; for, between
+me and you, the fighting and scrambling that goes on at home about
+_who_ we 'll have, and who 'll have us, makes life little better than
+an election shindy! K. is a mighty nice man, and full of information. He
+appears to be rich, too, for Tom saw as many as thirteen gold watches
+in his room; and he has chains and pins and brooches without end. He was
+trying to persuade us to spend the winter at Moelendrach, where, besides
+a heavenly climate, there are such beautiful walks on the dikes, and
+elegant society! Mrs. D. does n't like it, however, for, though we 've
+been looking all the morning, we can't find the place on the map;
+but that does n't signify much, since even our post town of
+Kellynnaignabacklish is put down in the "Gazetteer" "a small village on
+the road to Bruff," and no mention whatever of the police-station, nor
+Hannagin's school, nor the Pound. That's the way the blackguards make
+books nowadays!
+
+Mary Anne is all for Brussels, and, afterwards, Germany and the
+Rhine; but we can fix upon nothing yet. Send me the letter of credit on
+Brussels, in any case, for we 'll stay there, to look about us, a
+few weeks. If the two townlands cannot be kept out of the "Encumbered
+Estates," there 's no help for it; but sure any of our friends would
+bid a trifle, and not see them knocked down at seven or eight years'
+purchase. If Tullylicknaslatterley was drained, and the stones off it,
+and a good top dressing of lime for two years, you 'd see as fine a crop
+of oats there as ever you 'd wish; and there hasn't been an "outrage,"
+as they call it, on the same land since they shot M'Shea, last
+September; and when you consider the times, and the way winter set in
+early, this year, 't is saying a good deal. I wish Prince Albert would
+take some of these farms, as they said he would. Never mind enclosing
+the town parks, we can't afford it just now; but mind that you look
+after the preserves. If there 's a cock shot in the boundary-wood, I 'll
+turn out every mother's son of the barony.
+
+I was going to tell you about Nick Mahon's holding, but it's gone clean
+out of my head, for I was called away to the police-office to bail out
+Paddy Byrne, the dirty little spalpeen; I wish I never took him from
+home. He saw a man running off with a yellow valise,--this is his
+story,--and thinking it was mine, he gave him chase; he doubled and
+turned,--now under an omnibus, now through a dark passage,--till Paddy
+overtook him at last, and gave him a clippeen on the left ear, and
+a neat touch of the foot that sent him sprawling. This done, Paddy
+shouldered the spoil, and made for the inn; but what d' ye think? It
+turned out to be another man's trunk, and Paddy was taken up for the
+robbery; and what with the swearing of the police, Pat's yells, and
+Mrs. D.'s French, I have passed such a half-hour as I hope never to
+see again. Two "Naps." settled it all, however, and five francs to the
+Brigadier, as well-dressed a chap as the Commander of the Forces at
+home; but foreigners, it seems, are the devil for bribery. When I told
+Pat I 'd stop it out of his wages, he was for rushing out, and taking
+what he called the worth of his money out of the blackguard; so that I
+had to lock him into my room, and there he is now, crying and screeching
+like mad. This will be my excuse for anything I may make in way of
+mistakes; for, to say truth, my head is fairly moidered! As it is,
+we 've lost a trunk; and when Mrs. D. discovers that it was the one
+containing all her new silk dresses, and a famous red velvet that was to
+take the shine out of the Tuileries, we'll have the devil to pay! She's
+in a blessed humor, besides, for she says she saw the Brigadier wink
+at Mary Anne, and that it was a good kicking he deserved, instead of
+a five-franc piece; and now she's turning on me in the vernacular,
+in which, I regret to say, her fluency has no impediment. I must now
+conclude, my dear Tom, for it 's quite beyond me to remember more than
+that I am, as ever,
+
+Your sincere friend,
+
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+
+Betty Cobb insists upon being sent home; this is more of it! The journey
+will cost a ten-pound note, if Mrs. D. can't succeed in turning her off
+of it. I 'm afraid the economy, at least, begins badly.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER II. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, AT DODSBOROUGH
+
+Hotel of the Baths, Ostend. Dear Molly,--This is the first blessed
+moment of quiet I've had since I quitted home; and even now there's the
+_table d'hote_ of sixty-two in the next room, and a brass band in the
+lobby, with, to be sure, the noisiest set of wretches as waiters ever
+I heard, shouting, screaming, knife-jingling, plate-crashing, and
+cork-drawing, till my head is fairly turned with the turmoil. The
+expense is cruel, besides,--eighteen francs a day for the rooms,
+although James sleeps in the _salon_; and if you saw the bed,--his
+father swears it was a mignonette-box in one of the windows! The eating
+is beautiful; that must be allowed. Two soups, three fishes, five roast
+chickens, and a piece of veal, stewed with cherries; a dish of chops
+with chiccory, and a meat-pie garnished with cock's-combs,--you maybe
+sure I didn't touch them; after them there was a carp, with treacle, and
+a big plate of larks and robins, with eggs of the same, all round. Then
+came the heavy eating: a roast joint of beef, with a batter-pudding, and
+a turkey stuffed with chestnuts, ducks ditto, with olives and onions,
+and a mushroom tart, made of grated chickens and other condiments. As
+for the sweets, I don't remember the half of them, nor do I like to try,
+for poor dear James got a kind of surfeit, and was obliged to go to bed
+and have a doctor,--a complaint, they tell me, mighty common among the
+English on first coming abroad. He was a nice man, and only charged five
+francs. I wish you 'd tell Peter Belton that; for though we subscribe a
+pound a year to the dispensary, Mr. Peter thinks to get six shillings
+a visit every time he comes over to Dodsborough,--a pleasant ride of
+eleven miles,--and sure of something to eat, besides; and now that
+I think of it, Molly, 'tis what's called the learned professions in
+Ireland is eating us all up,--the attorneys, the doctors, the parsons.
+Look at them abroad: Mr. Krauth, a remarkably nice man, and a consul,
+told me, last night, that for two-and-sixpence of our money you 'd have
+the best advice, law or medical, the Continent affords; and even that
+same is a comfort!
+
+The _table d' hote_ is not without some drawbacks, however, my dear
+Molly, for only yesterday I caught an officer, the Brigadier of the
+Gendarmerie they call him, throwing sly glances at Mary Anne across the
+table. I mentioned it to K. I., but like all fathers that were a little
+free-and-easy when young, he said, "Pooh! nonsense, dear. 'Tis the way
+of foreigners; you'll get used to it at last." We dined to-day in our
+own room; and just to punish us, as I suppose, they gave us a scrag of
+mutton and two blue-legged chickens; and by the bill before me,--for I
+have it made up every day,--I see "_diner particulier_" put down five
+francs a head, and the _table d'hote_ is for two!
+
+K. I. was in a blessed passion, and cursed my infernal prudery, as he
+called it. To be sure, I did n't know it was to cost us a matter of
+fifteen francs. And now he 's gone off to the _cafe_, and Mary Anne is
+crying in her own room, while Caroline is nursing James; for, to tell
+you the truth, Betty Cobb is no earthly use to us; and as for Paddy
+Byrne, 't is bailing him out of the police-office and paying fines for
+him we are, all day.
+
+We 'll scarcely save much this first quarter, for what with travelling
+expenses and the loss of my trunk,--I believe I told you that some
+villain carried away the yellow valise, with the black satin trimmed
+with blonde, and the peach-colored "gros de Naples," and my two elegant
+ball-dresses, one covered with real Limerick lace,--these losses, and
+the little contingencies of the road, will run away with most of our
+economies; but if we live we learn, and we 'll do better afterwards.
+
+I never expected it would be all pure gain, Molly; but is n't it worth
+something to see life,--to get one's children the polish and refinement
+of the Continent, to teach them foreign tongues with the real accent,
+to mix in the very highest circles, and learn all the ways of people of
+fashion? Besides, Dodsborough was dreadful; K. I. was settling down to
+a common farmer, and in a year or two more would never have asked any
+higher company than Purcell and Father Maher; as for James, he was
+always out with the greyhounds, or shooting, or something of the kind;
+and lastly, you saw yourself what was going on between Peter Belton and
+Mary Anne!... She might have had the pride and decency to look higher
+than a Dispensary doctor. I told her that her mother's family was
+McCarthys, and, indeed, it was nothing but the bad times ever made me
+think of Kenny Dodd. Not that I don't think well of poor Peter, but
+sure it's hard to dress well, and keep three horses, and make a decent
+appearance on less than eighty pounds a year,--not to talk of a wife at
+all!
+
+I hope you 'll get Christy into the Police; they are just the same as
+the Hussars, and not so costly. Be sure that you send off the two trunks
+to Ostend with the first sailing-vessel from Limerick; they'll only cost
+one-and-fourpence a cubic foot, whatever that is, and I believe they 'll
+come just as speedy as by steam. I 'm sorry for poor Nancy Doran; she
+'ll be a loss to us in the dairy; but maybe she 'll recover yet. How
+can you explain Brindled Judy not being in calf? I can scarce believe
+it yet. If it be true, however, you must sell her at the spring fair.
+Father Maher had a conceit out of her. Try if he is disposed to give ten
+pounds, or guineas,--guineas if you can, Molly.
+
+There's no curing that rash in Caroline's face, and it's making her
+miserable. I 've lost Peter's receipt; and it was the only thing stopped
+the itching. Try and get a copy of it from him; but say it's for Betty
+Cobb.
+
+I was interrupted, my dear Molly, by a visit from a young gentleman
+whose visiting-card bears the name of Victor de Lancy, come to ask after
+James,--a very nice piece of attention, considering that he only met
+us once at the _table d'hote_. He and Mary Anne talked a great deal
+together; for, as he does n't speak English, I could only smile and
+say "We-we" occasionally. He's as anxious about James as if he was his
+brother, and wanted to sit up the night with him; though what use would
+it be? for poor J. does n't know a word of French yet. Mary Anne tells
+me that he 's a count, and that his family was very high under the
+late King; but it's dreadful to hear him talk of Louis Philippe and
+the Orleans branch. He mentioned, too, that they set spies after him
+wherever he goes; and, indeed, Mary Anne saw a gendarme looking up at
+the window all the time he was with us.
+
+He spent two hours and a half here; and I must say, Molly, foreigners
+have a wonderful way of ingratiating themselves with one: we felt,
+when he was gone away, as if we knew him all our life. Don't pay any
+attention to Mat, but sell the fruit, and send me the money; and as for
+Bandy Bob, what's the use of feeding him now we 're away? Take care that
+the advertisement about Dodsborough is in the "Mail" and the "Packet"
+every week: "A Residence fit for a nobleman or gentleman's family,--most
+extensive out-offices, and two hundred acres of land, more if required,"
+ought to let easy! To be sure, it's in Ireland, Molly; that's the worst
+of it There is n't a little bit of a lodging here on the sands, with
+rush-bottom chairs and a painted table, doesn't bring fifty francs a
+week!
+
+I must conclude now, for it's nigh post-hour. Be sure you look after
+the trunks and the pony. Never mind sending the Limerick paper; it costs
+three sous, and has never anything new. K. I. sees the "Times" at the
+rooms, and they give all the outrages just as well as the Irish papers.
+By the way, who was the Judkin Delaney that was killed at Bruff? Sure it
+is n't the little creature that collected the county-cess: it would be a
+disgrace if it was; he was n't five foot high!
+
+Tell Father Maher to send me a few threatening lines for Betty Cobb;
+'tis nothing but the priest's word will keep her down.
+
+Your most affectionate friend,
+
+Jemima Dodd
+
+
+
+
+LETTER III. MISS DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+
+HOTEL DE BELLEVUE, BRUSSELS.
+
+Dearest Kitty,--If anything could divert the mind from sorrow,--from the
+"grief that sears and scalds,"--it would be the delightful existence of
+this charming city, where associations of the past and present pleasure
+divide attention between them. We are stopping at the Bellevue, the
+great hotel of the upper town; but my delight, my ecstasy, is the old
+city,--the Grande Place, especially, with its curious architecture,
+of mediaeval taste, its high polished roofs, and carved architraves. I
+stood yesterday at the window where Count Egmont marched forth to the
+scaffold; I touched the chair where poor Horn sat for the last
+time, whilst his fainting wife fell powerless at his knees, and I
+thought,--yes, dearest Kitty, I own it,--I thought of that last dreadful
+parting in the summer-house with poor Peter.--My tears are blotting out
+the words as I write them. Why,--why, I ask, must we be wretched? Why
+are we not free to face the humble destiny which more sordid spirits
+would shrink from? What is there in narrow fortune, if the heart soars
+above it? Papa is, however, more inexorable than ever; and as for mamma,
+she looks at me as though I were the disgrace of our name and lineage.
+Cary never did--never could understand me, poor child!--may she never
+know what it is to suffer as I do! But why do I distress you with my
+sorrows?--"let me tune my harp to lighter lays," as that sweet poet,
+Haynes Bailey, says. We were yesterday at the great ball of Count
+Haegenstroem, the Danish Ambassador here. Papa received a large packet
+of letters of introduction on Monday last, from the Foreign Office. It
+would seem that Lord P. thought pa was a member, for he addressed him as
+M.P.; but the mistake has been so far fortunate, that we are invited on
+Tuesday to dine at Lord Gledworth's, our ambassador here, and we
+have his box for to-night at the Opera,--not to speak of last night's
+invitation, which came from him. I wore my amber gauze over the satin
+slip, with the "jonquilles" and white roses, two camellias in my hair,
+with mamma's coral chain twined through the roll at the back. Count
+Ambrose de Roncy called me a "rose-cameo," and I believe I _did_ look my
+best. I danced with "Prince Sierra d'Aguila Nero," a Sicilian that ought
+to be King of Sicily, and will, they say, if the King of Naples dies
+without leaving seven sons. What a splendid man, Kitty! not tall, rather
+the reverse; but such eyes, and such a beard, and so perfumed,--the very
+air around him was like the garden of Attarghul! He spoke very little
+English, and could not bear to talk French; he said the French betrayed
+"_la sua carissima patria;_" and so, my dear Kitty, I did my best in the
+syllables of the sweet South. _He_, at least, called my accent "divina,"
+and said that he would come and read Petrarch with me tomorrow.
+Don't let Peter be a fool when he hears this. The Prince is in a very
+different sphere from poor Mary Anne! he always dances with Queen
+Victoria when he's at Windsor, and called our Prince Consort "_Il suo
+diletto Alberto_;" and, more than all, he's married, but separated from
+the Princess. He told me this himself, and with what terrible emotion,
+Kitty! I thought of Charles Kean in Claude Melnotte, as he spoke in a
+low guttural voice, with his hand on his bosom. It was very dreadful,
+but these temperaments, moulded alike by southern climes and ancient
+descent, are awful in their passionate vehemence. I assure you, it was a
+relief to me when he stopped one of the trays and took a pineapple ice.
+I felt that it was a moment of peril passed in safety. You can form no
+notion, dearest, of the fascination of foreign manners; something there
+is so gently insinuating, so captivating, so bewitching, and withal
+so natural, Kitty,--that's the very strangest thing of all. There is
+absolutely nothing a foreigner cannot say to you. I almost blush as
+I think of what I now know must have been the veriest commonplace of
+society, but which to my ears, in all their untutored ignorance, sounded
+very odd.
+
+Mamma--and you know her prudery--is actually in ecstasy with them. The
+Prince said to me last night, "Savez-vous, Mademoiselle! Madame votre
+mere est d'une beaute classique?" and I assure you ma was delighted with
+the compliment when she heard it. Papa is not so tractable: he calls
+them the most atrocious names, and has all the old prejudices about the
+Continent that we see in the old farces. Cary is, however, worse again,
+and thinks their easy elegance, is impertinence, and all the graceful
+charm of their manner nothing but--her own words--"egregious vanity."
+Shall I whisper you a bit of a secret? Well, then, Kitty, the reason
+of this repugnance may be that she makes no impression whatever,
+notwithstanding her beauty; and there is no denying that she does not
+possess the gift--whatever it be--of fascination. She has, besides, a
+species of antipathy to everything foreign, that she makes no effort
+to disguise. A rather unfortunate acquaintance ma made, on board the
+steam-packet, with a certain Mr. Krauth, who called himself sub-consul
+of somewhere in Holland, but who turned out to be a Jew pedler, has
+given Cary such an opportunity of inveighing against all foreigners that
+she is positively unendurable. This Krauth, I must say, was atrociously
+vulgar, and shockingly ugly; but as he could talk some broken English,
+ma rather liked him, and we had him to tea; after which he took James
+home to his lodgings, to show him some wonderful stuffed birds that he
+was bringing to the Royal Princesses. I have not patience to tell you
+all the narrative; but the end of it was that poor dear James, having
+given all his pocket-money and his silver pencil-case for a tin musical
+snuff-box that won't play Weber's last waltz, except in jerks like a
+hiccough, actually exchanged two dozen of his new shirts for a box of
+Havannah cigars and a cigar-case with a picture of Fanny Elssler on it!
+Papa was in a towering passion when he heard of it, and hastened off to
+K.'s lodgings; but he had already decamped. This unhappy incident threw
+a shade over our last few days at Ostend; for James never came down
+to dine, but sat in his own room smoking the atrocious cigars, and
+contemplating the portrait of the charming Fanny,--pursuits which, I
+must say, seemed to have conduced to a most melancholy and despondent
+frame of mind.
+
+There was another _mesaventure_, my dearest Kitty. My thanks to that
+sweet language for the word by which I characterize it! A certain Count
+Victor de Lancy, who made acquaintance with us at the _table d'hote_,
+and was presuming enough to visit us afterwards, turned out to be a
+common thief! and who, though under the surveillance of the police,
+made away with ma's workbox, and her gold spectacles, putting on pa's
+paletot, and a new plaid belonging to James, as he passed out. It is
+very shocking; but confess, dearest, what a land it must be, where the
+pedlers are insinuating, and the very pickpockets have all the ease and
+breeding of the best society. I assure you that I could not credit the
+guilt of M. de L., until the Brigadier came yesterday to inquire about
+our losses, and take what he called his _signalement_. I thought, for
+a moment or two, that he had made a mistake, Kitty, and was come for
+_mine_; for he looked into my eyes in such a way, and spoke so softly,
+that I began to blush; and mamma, always on the watch, bridled up, and
+said, "Mary Anne!" in that voice you must so well remember; and so it
+is, my dear friend, the thief and the constable, and I have no doubt,
+too, the judge, the jury, and the jailer, are all on the same beat!
+
+I have just been called away to see such a love of a rose tunic, all
+_glace_, to be worn over a dull slate-colored jupe, looped up at one
+side with white camellias and lilies of the valley. Think of me, Kitty,
+with my hair drawn back and slightly powdered, red heels to my shoes,
+and a great fan hanging to my side, like grave Aunt Susan In the
+picture, wanting nothing but the love-sick swain that plays the
+flageolet at her feet!--Madame Adele, the modiste, says, "not long to
+wait for a dozen such,"--and this not for a fancy ball, dearest, but for
+a simple evening party,--a "dance-able tea," as papa will call it. I
+vow to you, Kitty, that it greatly detracts from the pictorial effect
+of this taste, to see how obstinately men will adhere to their present
+ungainly and ungraceful style of dress,--that shocking solecism in
+costume, a narrow-tailed coat, and those more fearful outrages on shape
+and symmetry for which no name has been invented in any language. Now,
+the levelling effect of this black-coat system is terrific; and there is
+no distinguishing a man of real rank from his tailor,--amongst English
+at least, for the crosses and decorations so frequent with foreigners
+are unknown to us. Talking of these, Kitty, the Prince of Aguila Nero is
+splendid. He wears nearly every bird and beast that Noah had in the
+ark, and a few others quite unknown to antediluvial zoology. These
+distinctions are sad reflections on the want of a chivalric feeling in
+our country; and when we think of the heroic actions, the doughty deeds,
+and high achievements of these Paladins, we are forced to blush for the
+spirit that condemns us to be a nation of shopkeepers.
+
+How I run on, dearest, from one topic to another! just as to my mind
+is presented the delightful succession of objects about me,--objects of
+whose very existence I did not know till now! And then to think of what
+a life of obscurity and darkness we were condemned to, at home!--our
+neighborhood, a priest, a miller, and those odious Davises; our
+gayeties, a detestable dinner at the Grange; our theatricals, "The
+Castle Spectre," performed in the coach-house; and instead of those
+gorgeous and splendid ceremonials of our Church, so impressive, so
+soul-subduing, Kitty, the little dirty chapel at Bruff, with Larry
+Behan, the lame sacristan, hobbling about and thrashing the urchins
+with the handle of the extinguisher! his muttered "If I was near yeez!"
+breaking in on the "Oremus, Domine." Shall I own it, Kitty, there is a
+dreadful vulgarity about our dear little circle of Dodsborough; and "one
+demoralizes," as the French say, by the incessant appeal of low and too
+familiar associations.
+
+I have been again called away to interpret for papa, with the police.
+That graceless little wretch, Paddy Byrne, who was left behind by the
+train at Malines, went to eat his dinner at one of the small restaurants
+in the town, called the "Cheval Pie," and not finding the food to his
+satisfaction, got into some kind of an altercation with the waiter, when
+the name of the hostel coming up in the dispute, suggested to Paddy
+the horrid thought that it was the "Horse Pie-house" he had chanced
+upon,--an idea so revolting to his culinary prejudices that he smashed
+and broke everything before him, and was only subdued at last by a
+corporal's party of the gendarmerie, who handcuffed and conveyed him to
+Brussels; and here he is, now, crying and calling himself a "poor boy
+that was dragged from home," and, in fact, trying to persuade himself
+and all around him that he has been sold into slavery by a cruel
+master. Betty Cobb, too, has just joined the chorus, and is eloquently
+interweaving a little episode of Irish wrongs and sorrows into the
+tissue of Paddy's woes!
+
+Betty is worse than him. There is nothing good enough for her to eat; no
+bed to sleep upon; she even finds the Belgians deficient in cleanliness.
+This, after Bruff, is a little too bad; mamma, however, stands by her in
+everything, and in the end she will become intolerable. James intends
+to send a few lines to your brother Robert; but if he should fail--not
+improbable, as writing, with him, combines the double difficulties of
+orthography and manuscript--pray remember us kindly to him, and believe
+me ever, my dearest Kitty,
+
+Your heart-devoted
+
+Mart Anne Dodd.
+
+P. S. must not think of writing; but you may tell him that I'm
+unchanged, unchangeable. The cold maxims of worldly prudence, the sordid
+calculations of worldly interests affect me not. As Metastasio says,--
+
+     "O, se ragione intende Subito amor, non e."
+
+I know it,--I feel it. There is what Balzac calls _une perversite
+divine_ in true affection, that teaches one to brave father and
+mother and brother, and this glorious sentiment is the cradle of true
+martyrdom. May my heart cherish this noble grief, and never forget that
+if there is no struggle, there is no victory!
+
+Do you remember Captain Morris, of the 25th, the little dark officer
+that came down to Bruff, after the burning of the Sheas? I saw him
+yesterday; but, Kitty, how differently he looked here in his _passe_
+blue frock, from his air in "our village!" He wanted to bow, but I
+cut him dead. "No," thought I, "times are changed, and we with them!"
+Caroline, who was walking behind me with James, however, not only
+saluted, but spoke to him. He said, "I see your sister forgets me; but
+I know how altered ill-health has made me. I am going to leave the
+service." He asked where we were stopping,--a most unnecessary piece
+of attention; for after the altercation he had with pa on the Bench at
+Bruff, I think common delicacy might keep him from seeking us out.
+
+Try and persuade your papa to take you abroad, Kitty, if only for a
+summer ramble; believe me, there is no other refining process like it.
+If you only saw James already--you remember what a sloven he was--you'd
+not know him; his hair so nicely divided and perfumed; his gloves so
+accurately fitting; his boots perfection in shape and polish; and all
+the dearest little trinkets in the world--pistols and steam-carriages,
+death's-heads, ships and serpents--hanging from his watch-chain; and as
+for the top of his cane, Kitty, it is paved with turquoise, and has
+a great opal in the middle. Where, how, and when he got all this
+"elegance," I can't even guess, and I see it must be a secret, for
+neither pa nor ma have ever yet seen him _en gala_. I wish your brother
+Robert was with him. It would be such an advantage to him. I am certain
+Trinity College is all that you say of it; but confess, Kitty, Dublin is
+terribly behind the world in all that regards civilization and "ton."
+
+
+
+
+LETTER IV. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQUIRE TRINITY COLLEGE, DUBLIN
+
+HOTEL DE BELLEVUE, BRUSSELS.
+
+Dear Bob,--Here we are, living another kind of life from our old
+existence at Dodsborough! We have capital quarters at the "Bellevue,"--a
+fine hotel, excellent dinners, and, what I think not inferior to either,
+a most obliging Jew money-changer hard by, who advances "moderate loans
+to respectable parties, on personal security,"--a process in which I
+have already made some proficiency, and with considerable advantage to
+my outward man. The tailors are first-rate, and rig you out with gloves,
+boots, hat, even to your cane,--they forget nothing. The hairdressers
+are also incomparable. I thought, at first, that capillary attraction
+was beyond _me_; but, to my agreeable surprise, I discover that I boast
+a very imposing _chevelure_, and a bright promise of moustache which, as
+yet, is only faintly depicted by a dusky line on my upper lip.
+
+It's all nonsense to undervalue dress: I'm no more the same man in my
+dark-green paletot, trimmed with Astracan, that I was a month ago in my
+fustian shooting-jacket, than a well-plumed eagle is like a half-moulted
+turkey. There is an inseparable connection between your coat and your
+character; and few things so react on the morality of a man as the cut
+of his trousers. Nothing more certainly tells me this than the feeling
+with which I enter any public place now, compared to what I experienced
+a few weeks back. It was then half shame, half swagger,--a conflict
+between modesty and defiance. Now, it is the easy assurance of being
+"all right,"--the conviction that my hat, my frock, my cravat, my
+vest, can stand the most critical examination; and that if any one be
+impertinent enough to indulge in the inquiry through his eye-glass, I
+have the equal privilege to return stare for stare, with, mayhap, an
+initiatory sneer into the bargain. By the way, the habit of looking
+unutterably fierce seems to be the first lesson abroad. The passport
+people, as you land, the officers of the Customs, the landlord of your
+inn, the waiters, the railroad clerks, all "get up" a general air of
+sovereign contempt for everybody and everything, rather puzzling at
+first, but quite reassuring when you are trained to reciprocity. For the
+time, I rather flatter myself to have learned the dodge well; not but,
+I must confess to you, Bob, that my education is prosecuted under
+difficulties. During the whole of the morning I 'm either with the
+governor or my mother, sight-seeing and house-hunting,--now seeking
+out a Rubens, now making an excursion into the market, and making
+exploratory researches into the prices of fish, fowl, and vegetables;
+cheapening articles that we don't intend to buy,--a process my mother
+looks upon as a moral exercise; and climbing up "two-pair," to see
+lodgings we have no intention to take: all because, as she says, "we
+ought to know everything;" and really the spirit of inquiry that moves
+her will have its reward,--not always, perhaps, without some drawbacks,
+as witness what happened to us on Tuesday. In our rambles along the
+Boulevard de Waterloo, we saw a smart-looking house, with an _affiche_
+over the door, "A louer;" and, of course, mother and Mary Anne at once
+stopped the carriage for an exploration. In we went, asked for the
+proprietor, and saw a small, rosy-cheeked little man, with a big wig,
+and a very inquiet, restless look in his eyes. "Could we see the house?
+Was it furnished?" "Yes," to both questions. "Were there stables?"
+"Capital room for four horses; good water,--two kinds, and both
+excellent." Upstairs we toiled, through one _salon_ into another,--now
+losing ourselves in dark passages, now coming abruptly to unlock-able
+doors,--everlastingly coming back to the spot we had just left, and
+conceiving the grandest notions of the number of rooms, from the manner
+of our own perambulations. Of course you know the invariable incidents
+of this tiresome process, where the owner is always trying to open
+impracticable windows, and the visitors will rush into inscrutable
+places, in despite of all advice and admonition. Our voyage of discovery
+was like all preceding ones; and we looked down well-staircases and up
+into skylights,--snuffed for possible smells, and suggested imaginary
+smoke, in every room we saw. While we were thus busily criticising
+the domicile, its owner, it would seem, was as actively engaged in an
+examination of _us_, and apparently with a less satisfactory result, for
+he broke in upon one of our consultations by a friendly "No, no, ladies;
+it won't do,--it won't do at all. This house would never suit;"
+and while my mother stared, and Mary Anne opened wide her eyes in
+astonishment, he went on: "We 're only losing time, ladies; both your
+time and mine will be wasted. This is not the house for _you_." "I beg
+to observe, sir, that I think it is," interposed my mother, who, with
+a very womanly feeling, took a prodigious fancy to the place the moment
+she discovered there was a difficulty about it. The owner, however,
+was to the full as decided; and in fact hurried us out of the rooms,
+downstairs, and into the street, with a degree of haste savoring far
+more of impatience than politeness. I rather was disposed to laugh
+at the little man's energetic rejection of us; but my mother's rage
+rendered any "mirthful demonstration inopportune," as the French would
+say; and so I only exchanged glances with Mary Anne, while our eloquent
+parent abused the "little wretch" to her heart's content. Although the
+circumstance was amply discussed by us that evening, we had well-nigh
+forgotten it in the morning, when, to our astonishment, our little
+friend of the Boulevard sent in his name, "Mr. Cherry," with a request
+to see papa. My mother was for seeing him herself; but this amendment
+was rejected, and the original motion carried.
+
+After about five minutes' interview, we were alarmed by a sudden noise
+and violent cries; and on rushing from the drawing-room, I just caught
+sight of Mr. Cherry making a flying leap down the first half of the
+staircase, while my father's uplifted foot stood forth to evidence what
+had proved the "vis a tergo." His performance of the next flight was
+less artistic, for he rolled from top to bottom, when, by an almost
+preternatural effort, he made his escape into the street. The governor's
+passion made all inquiries perilous for some minutes; in fact, this
+attempt to make "Cherry-bounce," as Cary called it, seemed to have got
+into his head, for he stormed like a madman. At last the _causa belli_
+came out to be, that this unhappy Mr. Cherry had come with an apology
+for his strange conduct the day before,--by what think you? By his
+having mistaken my mother and sister for what slang people call "a case
+of perhaps,"--a blunder which certainly was not to be remedied by
+the avowal of it. So at least thought my father, for he cut short the
+apology and the explanation at once, ejecting Mr. Cherry by a more
+summary process than is recognized in the law-courts.
+
+My mother had hardly dried up her tears in crying, and I mine in
+laughing over this strange incident, when there came an emissary of the
+gendarmerie to arrest the governor for a violent assault, with intent,
+&c. &c, and it is only by the intervention of our Minister here that
+bail has been accepted; my father being bound to appear before the
+"Court of Correctional Police" on Monday next. If we remain much longer
+here, we are likely to learn something of the laws, at least in a way
+which people assure you is always most indelible,--practically. If we
+continue as we have commenced, a little management on the part of the
+lawyers, and a natural desire on the part of my father to obtain
+justice, may prolong our legal affairs far into the spring; so that we
+may possibly not leave this for some months to come, which, with the aid
+of my friend, Lazarus Simrock, may be made pleasurable and profitable.
+
+[Illustration: 058]
+
+It's all very well to talk about "learning French, seeing galleries and
+studying works of art," my dear Bob, but where's the time?--that's the
+question. My mother and the girls poach my entire morning. It's the
+rarest thing in the world for me to get free of them before five
+o'clock; and then I have just time to dash down to the club, and have a
+"shy" at the ecarte before dinner. Smart play it is, sometimes seventy,
+ay, a hundred Naps, on a game; and such players too!--fellows that sit
+for ten minutes with a card on their knee, studying your face,
+watching every line and lineament of your features, and reading you,
+by Jove,--reading you like a book. All the false air of ease and
+indifference, all the brag assurance you may get up to conceal a "bad
+hand," isn't worth sixpence. They laugh at your puerile efforts, and
+tell you "you are voled" before you've played a card. We hear so much
+about genius and talent, and all that kind of thing at home, and you,
+I have no doubt, are full of the high abilities of some fellowship
+or medallist man of Trinity; but give _me_ the deep penetration, the
+intense powers of calculation, the thorough insight into human nature,
+of some of the fellows I see here; and for success in life, I 'll back
+them against all your conic section and x plus y geniuses, and all the
+double first classes that ever breathed. There's a splendid fellow here,
+a Pole, called Koratinsky; he commanded the cavalry at Ostrolenca,
+and, it is said, rode down the Russian Guard, and sabred the Imperial
+Cuirassiers to a man. He's the first ecarte and piquet player in Europe,
+and equal to Deschapelles at whist. Though he is very distant and cold
+in his manner to strangers, he has been most kind and good-natured to
+me; has given me some capital advice, too, and warned me against several
+of the fellows that frequent the club. He tells me that he detests and
+abhors play, but resorts to it as a distraction. "Que voulez-vous?"
+said he to me the other day; "when a man who calls himself Ladislaus
+Koratinsky, who has the blood of three monarchs in his veins, who has
+twice touched the crown of his native land, sees himself an exile and a
+'proscrit,' it is only in the momentary excitement of the gaming-table
+he can find a passing relief for crushing and withering recollections."
+He could be in all the highest circles here. The greatest among the
+nobles are constantly begging and entreating him to come to their
+houses, but he sternly refuses. "Let me know one family," says he, "one
+domestic circle, where I can go uninvited, when I will,--where I can
+repose my confidence, tell my sorrows, and speak of my poor country;
+give me one such, and I ask for no more; but as for dukes and grand
+seigneurs, princesses and duchesses, I've had but too much of them." I
+assure you, Bob, it 's like a page out of some old story of chivalry to
+listen to him. The splendid sentiments, the glorious conceptions, and
+the great plans he has for the regeneration of Europe; and how he abhors
+the Emperor of Russia! "It's a 'duel a mort entre Nicholas et moi,'"
+said he to me yesterday.
+
+"The terms of the conflict were signed on the field of Ostrolenca; for
+the present the victory is his, but there is a time coming!" I have been
+trying all manner of schemes to have him invited to dine with us. Mother
+and Mary Anne are with me, heart and hand; but the governor's late
+mischances have soured him against all foreigners, and I must bide my
+time. I feel, however, when my father sees him, he'll be delighted with
+him; and then he could be invaluable to us in the way of introductions,
+for he knows every crowned head and prince on the Continent.
+
+After dinner, pretending to take an evening lesson in French, I'm off to
+the Opera. I belong to an omnibus-box,--all the fast fellows here,--such
+splendid dressers, Bob, and each coming in his brougham. I'm deucedly
+ashamed that I've nothing but a cabriolet, which I hire from my friend
+Lazarus at twelve pounds a month. They quiz me tremendously about my
+"rococo" taste in equipage, but I turn off the joke by telling them that
+I'm expecting my cattle and my "traps" from London next week. Lazarus
+promises me that I shall have a splendid "Malibran" from Hobson, and two
+grays over by the Antwerp packet, if I give him a bill for the price, at
+three months; and that he'll keep them for me at his stables till I
+'m quite ready to pay. Stickler, the other job-master here, wanted the
+governor's name on the bills, and behaved like a scoundrel, threatening
+to tell my father all about it It cost me a "ten-pounder" to stop him.
+
+After the theatre we adjourn to Dubos's to supper, and I can give you
+no idea, Bob, of what a thing that supper is! I remember when we used
+to fancy it was rather a grand affair to finish our evening at Jude's or
+Hayes's with a vulgar set-out of mutton-chops, spatchcocks, and devilled
+kidneys, washed down with* that filthy potation called punch. I shudder
+at the vile abomination of the whole when I think of our delicate
+lobster en mayonnaise^ or crouton aux truffes, red partridges in Rhine
+wine, and maraschino jelly, with Moet frappe to perfection. We generally
+invite some of the "corps," who abound in conversational ability, and
+are full of the pleasant gossip of the stage. There is Mademoiselle
+Leonine, too, in the ballet, the loveliest creature ever was seen. They
+say Count Maerlens, aide-de-camp of the King, is privately married
+to her, but that she won't leave the boards till she has saved a
+million,--but whether of francs or pounds, I don't remember.
+
+When our supper is concluded, it is generally about four o'clock, and
+then we go to D'Arlaen's rooms, where we play chicken-hazard till our
+various houses are accessible.
+
+I 'm not much up to this as yet; my forte is ecarte, at which I am the
+terror of these fellows; and when the races come on next month, I
+think my knowledge of horseflesh will teach them a thing or two. I have
+already a third share in a splendid horse called Number Nip, bred out
+of Barnabas by a Middleton mare; he's engaged for the Lacken Cup and
+the Salle Sweepstakes, and I 'm backing him even against the field for
+everything I can get. If you 'd like to net a fifty without risk, say so
+before the tenth, and I 'll do it for you.
+
+So that you see, Bob, without De Porquet's Grammar and "Ollendorff's
+Method," my time is tolerably full. In fact, if the day had forty-eight
+hours, I have something to fill every one of them.
+
+There would be nothing but pleasure in this life, but for certain
+drawbacks, the worst of which is that I am not alone here. You have no
+idea, Bob, to what subterfuges I 'm reduced, to keep my family out
+of sight of my grand acquaintances. Sometimes I call the governor my
+guardian; sometimes an uncle, so rich that I am forced to put up with
+all his whims and caprices. Egad! it went so far, f other day, that I
+had to listen to a quizzing account of my aunt's costume at a concert,
+and hear my mother shown up as a _precieuse ridicule_ of the first
+water. There's no keeping them out of public places, too; and how they
+know of all the various processions, Te Deums, and the like I cannot
+even guess. My own metamorphosis is so complete that I have cut them
+twice dead, in the Park; and no later than last night, I nearly ran over
+my father in the Allee Verte with my tandem leader, and heard the whole
+story this morning at breakfast, with the comforting assurance that "he
+'d know the puppy again, and will break every bone in his body if he
+catches him." In consequence of which threat, I have given orders for a
+new beard and moustache of the Royal Albert hue, instead of black, which
+I have worn heretofore. I must own, though, it is rather a bore to
+stand quietly by and see fellows larking your sister; but Mary Anne is
+perfectly incorrigible, notwithstanding all I have said to her. Cary's
+safety lies in hating the Continent and all foreigners, and that is just
+as absurd.
+
+The governor, it seems, is perpetually writing to Vickars, our member,
+about something for _me_. Now, I sincerely hope that he may not succeed;
+for I own to you that I do not anticipate as much pleasure and amusement
+from either a "snug berth in the Customs" or a colonial situation; and
+after all, Bob, why should I be reduced to accept of either? Our estate
+is a good one, and if a little encumbered or so, why, we 're not worse
+off than our neighbors. If I must do something, I 'd rather go into a
+Light Cavalry Regiment--such as the Eleventh, or the Seventeenth--than
+anything else. I say this to you, because your uncle Purcell is bent on
+his own plans for me, which would be nothing short of utter degradation;
+and if there's anything low-bred and vulgar on earth, it's what they
+call a "Profession." You know the old adage about leading a horse to the
+water; now I frankly declare to you that twenty shall not make me drink
+any of the springs of this knowledge, whether Law, Medicine, or Divinity
+lie at the bottom of the well.
+
+It does not require any great tact or foresight to perceive that not
+a man of my "set" would ever know me again under such circumstances.
+I have heard their opinions often enough on these matters not to be
+mistaken; and whatever we may think in Ireland about our doctors and
+barristers, they are what Yankees call "mighty small potatoes" abroad.
+
+Lord George Tiverton said to me last night, "Why doesn't your governor
+put you into 'the House'? You'd make a devilish good figure there." And
+the notion has never left me since. Lord George himself is Member for
+Hornby, but he never attends the sittings, and only goes into Parliament
+as a means of getting leave from his regiment. They say he's the
+"fastest" fellow in the service; he has already run through seventeen
+thousand a year, and one hundred and twenty thousand of his wife's
+fortune. They are separated now, and he has something like twelve
+hundred a year to live on; just enough for cigars and brandy and water,
+he calls it. He's the best-tempered fellow I ever saw, and laughs and
+jokes about his own misfortunes as freely as possible. He knows the
+world--and he's not yet five-and-twenty--perhaps better than any man
+I ever saw. There is not a bill-discounter, not a betting-man, nor a
+ballet-dancer, he is not acquainted with; and such amusing stories as he
+tells of his London life and experiences. When he found that he had run
+through everything--when all his horses were seized at Ascot, and his
+house taken in execution in London, he gave a splendid _fete_ at Hornby,
+and invited upwards of sixty people down there, and half the county to
+meet them. "I resolved," said he, "on a grand finish; and I assure you
+that the company did not enjoy themselves the less heartily because
+every second fellow in my livery was a sheriff's officer, and that
+all the forks and spoons on the table were under seizure. There was
+a 'caption,' as they term it, on everything, down to the footmen's
+bag-wigs and knee-buckles. We went to supper at two o'clock; and I took
+in the Duchess of Allington, who assuredly never suspected that there
+was such a close alliance between my drawing-room and the Queen's Bench.
+The supper was exquisite; poor Marriton had exhausted himself in the
+devices of his art, and most ingeniously intimated his appreciation
+of my situation by a plate of ortolans _en salmi, sautes a la
+Fonblanque_,--a delicate allusion to the Bankrupt Commissioner. I nearly
+finished the dish myself, drank off half a bottle of champagne, took out
+Lady Emily de Maulin for the cotillon, and then, slipping away, threw
+myself into a post-chaise, arrived at Dover for the morning mail-packet,
+and landed at Boulogne free as William Tell, or that eagle which he
+is so enthusiastic in describing as a most remarkable instance of
+constitutional liberty." These are his own words, Bob; but without you
+saw his manner, and heard his voice, you could form no notion whatever
+of the careless, happy self-satisfaction of one who calls himself
+irretrievably ruined.
+
+From all that I have been jotting down, you may fancy the set I am
+moving in, and the class with whom I associate. Then there is a German
+Graf von Blumenkohl, and a Russian Prince Kubitzkoy, two tremendous
+swells; a young French Marquis de Tregues, whose mother was
+granddaughter, I believe, of Madame du Barri, and a large margin of
+inferior dons, Spanish, Italian, and Belgian. That your friend Jemmy
+Dodd should be a star, even a little one, in such a galaxy, is no small
+boast; and such, my dear Bob, I am bound to feel it. Each of these
+fellows has a princely fortune, as well as a princely name, and it is
+not without many a clever dodge and cunning artifice that, weighted as I
+am, I can keep pace with them. I hope you'll succeed, with all my heart,
+for the scholarship or fellowship. Which is it? Don't blame me for the
+blunder, for I have never, all my life through, been able to distinguish
+between certain things which I suppose other persons find no resemblance
+in. Thus I never knew exactly whether the word "people" was spelled "eo"
+or "oe." I never knew the Derby from the Oaks, nor shall I ever, I'm
+certain, be able to separate in my mind Moore O'Ferral from Carew
+O'Dwyer, though I am confidently informed there is not a particle of
+similarity in the individuals, any more than in the names.
+
+Write to me when your match is over,--I mean your examination,--and say
+where you 're placed. I 'll take you against the field, at the current
+odds, in "fives."
+
+And believe me, ever your attached friend,
+
+J. Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER V. KENNY DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ.
+
+HOTEL DE BELLEVUE, BRUSSELS.
+
+Dear Tom,--Yours did not reach me till yesterday, owing to some
+confusion at the Post-office. There is another Dodd here, who has been
+receiving _my_ letters, and I _his_, for the last week; and I conclude
+that each of us has learned more than was quite necessary of the other's
+affairs; for while _he_ was reading of all the moneyed distresses
+and embarrassments of your humble servant, _I_ opened a letter dated
+Doctors' Commons, beginning, "Dear sir, we have at last obtained the
+most satisfactory proofs against Mrs. Dodd, and have no hesitation in
+now submitting the case to a jury." We met yesterday, and exchanged
+credentials, with an expression of face that I'm sure "Phiz" would have
+given a five-pound note to look at. Peachem and Lockit were nothing to
+it. We agreed that either of us ought to leave this, to prevent similar
+mistakes in future, although, in my heart, I believe that we now know so
+much of each other's affairs, that we might depute one of us to conduct
+both correspondences. In consequence, we tossed up who was to go. _He_
+won; so that we take our departure on Wednesday next, if I can settle
+matters in the mean while. I 'm told Bonn, on the Rhine, is a cheap
+place, and good for education,--a great matter as regards James,--so
+that you may direct your next to me there. To tell you the truth, Tom,
+I'm scarcely sorry to get away, although the process will be anything
+but a cheap one. First of all, we have taken the rooms for three months,
+and hired a job-coach for the same time. Moving is also an expensive
+business, and not over-agreeable at this season; but against these
+there is the setoff that Mrs. D. and the girls are going to the devil in
+expense for dress. From breakfast-time till three or four o'clock
+every day, the house is like a fair with milliners, male and female,
+hairdressers, perfumers, shoemakers, and trinket-men. I thought we'd
+done with all this when we left London; but it seems that everything we
+bought there is perfectly useless, and Mrs. D. comes sailing in every
+now and then, to make me laugh, as she says, at a bit of English taste
+by showing me where her waist is too short, or her sleeves too long; and
+Mary Anne comes down to breakfast in a great stiff watered silk, which
+for economy she has converted into a house-dress. Caroline, I must say,
+has not followed the lead, and is quite satisfied to be dressed as
+she used to be. James I see little of, for he 's working hard at the
+languages, and, from what the girls say, with great success. Of course,
+this is all for the best; but it's little use French or even Chinese
+would be to him in the Customs or the Board of Trade, and it's there I'm
+trying to get him. Vickars told me last week that his name is down on
+no less than four lists, and it will be bad luck but we 'll bit upon
+something. Between ourselves, I'm not over-pleased with Vickars.
+Whenever I write to him about James, his reply is always what he's doing
+about the poor laws, or the Jews, or the grant to Maynooth; so that I
+had to tell him, at last, that I 'd rather hear that my son was in the
+Revenue, than that every patriarch in Palestine was in Parliament, or
+every papist in Ireland eating venison and guinea-hens. Patriotism is
+a fine thing, if you have a fine fortune, and some men we could mention
+have n't made badly out of it, without a sixpence; but for one like
+myself, the wrong side of fifty, with an encumbered estate, and no
+talents for agitation, it's as expensive as horse-racing, or yachting,
+or any other diversion of the kind. So there's no chance of a tenant
+for Dodsborough! You ought to put it in the English papers, with a
+puff about the shooting and the trout-fishing, and the excellent
+neighborhood, and all that kind of thing. There 's not a doubt but it's
+too good for any Manchester blackguard of them all! What you say about
+Tully Brack is quite true. The encumbrances are over eleven thousand;
+and if we bought in the estate at three or four, there would be so much
+gain to us. The "Times" little knew the good it was doing us when it
+was blackguarding the Irish landlords, and depreciating Irish property.
+There's many a one has been able to buy in his own land for one-fifth of
+the mortgages on it; and if this is n't repudiation, it's not so far off
+Pennsylvania, after all.
+
+I don't quite approve of your plan for Ballyslevin. Whenever a property
+'s in Chancery, the best thing is to let it go to ruin entirely. The
+worse the land is, the more miserable the tenants, the cheaper will be
+the terms you 'll get it on; and if the boys shoot a receiver once or
+twice, no great harm. As for the Government, I don't think they 'll
+do anything for Ireland except set us by the ears about education and
+church matters; and we 're getting almost tired of quarrelling, Tom; for
+so it is, the very best of dispositions may be imposed on too far!
+
+Now, as to "education," how many amongst those who insist on a
+particular course for the poor, ever thought of stipulating for the
+same for their own children? or do they think that the Bible is only
+necessary for such as have not an independent fortune? And as to
+Maynooth, is there any man such a fool as to believe that L30,000 a
+year would make the priests loyal? You gave the money well knowing what
+for,--to teach Catholic theology, not to instil the oath of allegiance.
+To expect more would be like asking a market-gardener to raise
+strawberries with fresh cream round them! The truth is, they don't wish
+to advance our interests in England. They 're afraid of us, Tom. If we
+ever were to take a national turn, like the Scotch, for instance, we
+might prove very dangerous rivals to them in many ways. I 'm sick of
+politics; not, indeed, that I know too much of what's doing, for the
+last "Times" I saw was cut up into a new pattern for a polka, and they
+only kept me the supplement, which, as you know, is more varied than
+amusing. In reply to your question as to how I like this kind of life, I
+own to you that it does n't quite suit me. Maybe I 'm too old in years,
+maybe too old in my notions, but it does n't do, Tom. There is an
+everlasting bowing and scraping and introducing,--a perpetual prelude
+to acquaintanceship that never seems to begin. It appears to me like an
+orchestra that never got further than the tuning of the instruments!
+I 'm sure that, at the least, I 've exchanged bows and grins and leers
+with fifty gentlemen here, whom _I_ should n't know to-morrow, nor
+do _they_ care whether I did or no. Their intercourse is like their
+cookery, and you are always asking, "Is there nothing substantial
+coming?" Then they 're frivolous, Tom. I don't mean that they are fond
+of pleasure, and given up to amusement, but that their very pleasures
+and amusements are contemptible in themselves. No such thing as
+field-sports; at least, nothing deserving the name; no manly pastimes,
+no bodily exercises; and lastly, they all, even the oldest of them,
+think that they ought to make love to your wife and daughters, just as
+you hand a lady a chair or a cup of tea in our country,--a mere matter
+of course. I need not tell you that my observations on men and manners
+are necessarily limited by my ignorance of the language; but I have
+acquired the deaf man's privilege, and if I hear the less, I see the
+more.
+
+I begin to think, my dear Tom, that we all make a great mistake in this
+taste we've got into for foreign travel, foreign languages, and foreign
+accomplishments. We rear up our families with notions and habits quite
+inapplicable to home purposes; and we are like the Parisian shopkeepers,
+that have nothing on sale but articles of luxury; and, after all, we
+have n't a genius for this trifling, and we make very ungraceful idlers
+in the end. To train a man for the Continent, you must begin early;
+teach him French when a child; let him learn dominoes at four, and to
+smoke cigars at six, wear lacquered boots at eight, and put his hair
+in paper at nine; eat sugar-plums for dinner, and barley-water for tea;
+make him a steady shot with the pistol, and a cool hand with the rapier;
+and there he is finished and fit for the Boulevard,--a nice man for the
+_salons_.
+
+It is cheap, there is no doubt; but it costs a great deal of money to
+come at the economy. You 'll perhaps say that's my own fault. Maybe it
+is. We 'll talk of it more another time.
+
+I ought to confess that Mrs. D. is delighted with everything; she vows
+that she is only beginning to live; and to hear her talk, you 'd think
+that Dodsborough was one of the new model penitentiaries. Mary Anne's
+her own daughter, and she raves about princes and dukes and counts, all
+day long. What they 'll say when I tell them that we 're to be off on
+Wednesday next, I can't imagine. I intend to dine out that evening, for
+I know there will be no standing the row!
+
+The Ambassador has been mighty polite and attentive: we dined there last
+week. A grand dinner, and fine company; but, talking French, and nothing
+but French, all the time, Mrs. D. and your humble servant were rather
+at a nonplus. Then we had his box at the opera, where, I must say, Tom,
+anything to equal the dancing I never saw,--indecency is no name for it.
+Not but Mrs. D. and Mary Anne are of a contrary opinion, and tauntingly
+ask me if I prefer a "Tatter Jack Walsh," at the cross-roads, to
+Taglioni. As for the singing, it's screeching,--that's the word for it,
+screeching. The composer is one Verdi,--a fellow, they tell me, that
+cracks every voice in Europe; and I can believe it. The young woman that
+played the first part grew purple in the face, and strained till
+her neck looked like a half-unravelled cable; her mouth was dragged
+sideways; and it was only when I thought she was off in strong
+convulsions that the audience began to applaud. There's no saying what
+their enthusiasm might not have been had she burst a blood-vessel.
+
+I intended to have despatched this by to-day's post, but it is Saint
+Somebody's day, and the office closes at two o'clock, so that I 'll have
+to keep it over, perhaps till Saturday, for to-morrow, I find, we 're to
+go to Waterloo, to see the field of battle. There's a prince--whose name
+I forget, and, indeed, I could n't spell, if I remembered it--going to
+be our "Cicerone." I 'm not sure if he says he was there at the battle;
+but Mrs. D. believes him as she would the Duke of Wellington. Then
+there's a German count, whose father did something wonderful, and two
+Belgian barons, whose ancestors, I 've no doubt, sustained the national
+reputation for speed. The season is hardly suitable for such an
+excursion; but even a day in the country--a few hours in the fields and
+the free air--will be a great enjoyment James is going to bring a Polish
+friend of his,--a great Don he calls him,--but I 'm so overlaid with
+nobility, the Khan of Tartary would not surprise me now. I 'll keep this
+open to add a few lines, and only say good-bye for the present.
+
+
+Saturday.
+
+Waterloo's a humbug, Tom. I don't mean to say that Bony found it so some
+thirty-odd years back, but such it now appears. I assure you they 've
+cut away half the field to commemorate the battle,--a process mighty
+like slicing off a man's nose to establish his identity. The result is
+that you might as well stand upon Hounslow Heath or Salisbury Plain, and
+listen to a narrative of the action, as visit Waterloo for the sake of
+the localities. La Haye Sainte and Hougoumont stand, certainly, in the
+old places, but the deep gorge beside the one, and the ridge from whence
+the cannonade shattered the other, are totally obliterated. The guides
+tell you, indeed, where Vivian's brigade stood, where Picton charged and
+fell, where Ney's column halted, faltered, and broke; they speak of the
+ridge behind which the guard lay in long expectancy; they describe to
+you the undulating swell over which our line advanced, cheering madly:
+but it's like listening to a description of Killarney in a fog, and
+being informed that Turk Mountain is yonder, and that the waterfall is
+down a glen to your right. One thing is clear, Tom, however,--we beat
+the French; and when I say "We," I mean what I say. England knows, and
+all Europe knows, who won the battle, and more's the disgrace for
+the way we 're treated. But, after all, it's our own fault in a great
+measure, Tom; we take everything that comes from Parliament as a boon
+and a favor, little guessing often how it will turn out. Our conduct in
+this respect reminds me of poor Jack Whalley's wife. You remember Jack,
+that was postboy at the Clanbrazil Arms. Well, his wife one day chanced
+to find an elegant piece of white leather on the road, and she brought
+it home with her in great delight, to mend Jack's small clothes, which
+she did very neatly. Jack set off the next day, little suspecting what
+was in store for him; but when he trotted about five miles,--it was in
+the month of July,--he began to feel mighty uneasy in the saddle,--a
+feeling that continued to increase at every moment, till at last, as he
+said, "It was like taking a canter on a beehive in swarming time;" and
+well it might, for the piece of leather was no other than a blister that
+the apothecary's boy had dropped that morning on the road; and so it is,
+Tom. There's many a thing we take to be a fine patch for our nakedness
+that's only a blister, after all. Witness the Poor Law and the "Cumbrous
+Estates Court," as Rooney calls it. But I 'm wandering away from
+Waterloo all this time. You know the grand controversy is about what
+time the Prussians came up; because that mainly decides who won the
+battle. I believe it's nearly impossible to get at the truth of the
+matter; for though it seems clear enough they were in the wood early in
+the day, it appears equally plain they stayed there--and small blame to
+them--till they saw the Inniskillings cutting down the Cuirassiers and
+sabring all before them. They waited, as you and I often waited in a
+row, till the enemy began to run, and then they were down on them.
+Even that same was no small help; for, by the best accounts, the French
+require a deal of beating, and we were dreadfully tired giving it to
+them! Sergeant Cotton, the guide, tells me it was a grand sight just
+about seven o'clock, when the whole line began cheering; first, Adam's
+brigade, then Cooke's battalion, all taking it up and cheering madly;
+the general officers waving their hats, and shouting like the rest. I
+was never able to satisfy myself whether we gained or lost most by that
+same victory of Waterloo; for you see, Tom, after all our fighting in
+Spain and Portugal, after all Nelson's great battles, all our
+triumphs and votes of thanks, Europe is going back to the old system
+again,--kings bullying their people, setting spies on them, opening
+their letters, transporting the writers, and hanging the readers. If
+they 'd have let Bony alone when he came back from Elba, the chances
+were that he 'd not have disturbed the peace of the world. He had
+already got his bellyful of fighting; he was getting old, falling into
+flesh, and rather disposed to think more of his personal ease than he
+used to do. Are you aware that the first thing he said on entering
+the Tuileries from Elba was, "Avant tout, un bon diner"? One of the
+marshals, who heard the speech, whispered to a friend, "He is greatly
+changed; you 'll see no more campaigns." I know you 'll reply to me with
+your old argument about legitimacy and divine right, and all that kind
+of thing. But, my dear Tom, for the matter of that, have n't I a divine
+right to my ancestral estate of Tullylicknaslatterley; and look
+what they 're going to do with it, to-morrow or next day! 'T is much
+Commissioner Longfield would mind, if I begged to defer the sale, on
+the ground of "my divine right." Kings are exactly like landlords; they
+can't do what they like with their own, hard as it may seem to say so.
+They have their obligations and their duties; and if they fail in them,
+they come into the Encumbered Estates Court, just like us,--ay, and,
+just like us, they "take very little by their motion."
+
+I know it's very hard to be turned out of your "holding." I can imagine
+the feelings with which a man would quit such a comfortable quarter
+as the Tuileries, and such a nice place for summer as Versailles;
+Dodsborough is too fresh in my mind to leave any doubt on this point;
+but there 's another side of the question, Tom. What were they there
+for? You'll call out, "This is all Socialism and Democracy," and the
+devil knows what else. Maybe I 'll agree with you. Maybe I 'll say I
+don't like the doctrine myself. Maybe I 'll tell you that I think the
+old time was pleasantest, when, if we pressed a little hard to-day, why,
+we were all the kinder to-morrow, and both ruler and ruled looked more
+leniently on each other's faults. But say what we will, do what we will,
+these days are gone by, and they 'll not come back again. There 's a set
+of fellows at work, all over the world, telling the people about their
+rights. Some of these are very acute and clever chaps, that don't
+overstate the case; they neither go off into any flights about universal
+equality, or any balderdash about our being of the same stock; but they
+stick to two or three hard propositions, and they say, "Don't pay more
+for anything than you can get it for,--that's free-trade; don't pay for
+anything you don't want,--that's a blow at the Church Establishment;
+don't pay for soldiers if you don't want to fight,--that 's at 'a
+standing army;' and, above all, when you have n't a pair of breeches
+to your back, don't be buying embroidered small-clothes for
+lords-in-waiting or gentlemen of the bedchamber." But here I am again,
+running away from Waterloo just as if I was a Belgian.
+
+When we got to Hougoumont, a dreadful storm of rain came on,--such
+rain as I thought never fell out of Ireland. It came swooping along
+the ground, and wetting you through and through in five minutes. The
+thunder, too, rolled awfully, crashing and cannonading around these old
+walls, as if to wake up the dead by a memory of the great artillery.
+Mrs. D. took to her prayers in the little chapel, with Mary Anne and
+the Pole, James's friend. Caroline stood with me at a little window,
+watching the lightning; and James, by way of airing his French, got into
+a conversation, or rather a discussion, about the battle with a small
+foreigner with a large beard, that had just come in, drenched to the
+skin. The louder it thundered, the louder they spoke, or rather screamed
+at each other; and though I don't fancy James was very fluent in the
+French, it's clear the other was getting the worst of the argument, for
+he grew terribly angry and jumped about and flourished a stick, and, in
+fact, seemed very anxious to try conclusions once more on the old field
+of conflict.
+
+James carried the day, at last; for the other was obliged, as Uncle Toby
+says, "to evacuate Flanders,"--meaning, thereby, to issue forth into the
+thickest of the storm rather than sustain the combat any longer. When
+the storm passed over, we made our way back to the little inn at the
+village of Waterloo, kept in the house where Lord Anglesey suffered
+amputation, and there we dined. It was neither a very good dinner nor
+a very social party. Mrs. D.'s black velvet bonnet and blue ribbons
+had got a tremendous drenching; Mary Anne contrived to tear a new
+satin dress all down the back, with a nail in the old chapel; James
+was unusually grave and silent; and as for the Pole, all his efforts at
+conversation were so marred by his bad English that he was a downright
+bore. It is a mistake to bring one of these foreigners out with a small
+family party! they neither understand _you_ nor _you them_. Cary was the
+only one that enjoyed herself; but she went about the inn, picking up
+little curiosities of the battle,--old buttons, bullets, and the like;
+and it was a comfort to see that one, at least, amongst us derived
+pleasure from the excursion.
+
+I have often heard descriptions of that night march from Brussels to
+the field; and truly, what with the gloomy pine-wood, the deep and miry
+roads, and the falling rain, it must have been a very piteous affair;
+but for downright ill-humor and discontent, I 'd back our own journey
+over the same ground against all. The horses, probably worn out with
+toiling over the field all day, were dead beat, and came gradually down
+from a trot to a jog, and then to a shamble, and at last to a stop.
+James got down from the box, and helped to belabor them; it was raining
+torrents all this time. I got out, too, to help; for one of the beasts,
+although too tired to go, contrived to kick his leg over the pole,
+and couldn't get it back again; but the Count contented himself with
+uttering most unintelligible counsels from the window, which when he
+saw totally unheeded, he threw himself back in the coach, lighted his
+meerschaum, and began to smoke.
+
+Imagine the scene at that moment, Tom. The driver was undressing himself
+coolly on the roadside, to examine a kick he had just received from one
+of the horses; James was holding the beasts by the head, lashing, as
+they were, all the time; I was running frantically to and fro, to seek
+for a stone to drive in the linch-pin, which was all but out; while
+Mrs. D. and the girls, half suffocated between smoke and passion,
+were screaming and coughing in chorus. By dint of violent bounding and
+jerking, the wheel was wrenched clean off the axle at last, and down
+went the whole conveniency on one side, our Polish friend assisting
+himself out of the window by stepping over Mrs. D.'s head, as she lay
+fainting within. I had, however, enough to do without thinking of him,
+for the door being jammed tight would not open, and I was obliged to
+pull Mrs. D. and the girls out by the window. The beasts, by the same
+time, had kicked themselves free of everything but the pole, with which
+appendage they scampered gayly away towards Brussels; James shouting
+with laughter, as if it was the best joke he had ever known. When we
+began to look about us and think what was best to be done, we discovered
+that the Count had taken a French leave of us, or rather a Polish one;
+for he had carried off James's cloak and umbrella along with him.
+
+We were now all wet through, our shoes soaked, not a dry stitch on
+us,--all except the coachee, who, having taken off a considerable
+portion of his wearables, deposited them in the coach, while he ran up
+and down the road, wringing his hands, and crying over his misfortune in
+a condition that I am bound to say was far more pictorial than decent.
+It was in vain that Mrs. D. opened her parasol as the last refuge of
+offended modesty. The wind soon converted it into something like a
+convolvulus, so that she was fain once more to seek shelter inside the
+conveyance, which now lay pensively over on one side, against a muddy
+bank.
+
+Such little accidents as these are not uncommon in our own country; but
+when they do occur, you are usually within reach of either succor
+or shelter. There is at least a house or a cabin within hail of you.
+Nothing of the kind was there here. This "Bois de Cambre," as they call
+it, is a dense wood of beech or pine trees, intersected here and there
+by certain straight roads, without a single inhabitant along the line.
+A solitary diligence may pass once in the twenty-four hours, to or
+from Wavre. A Waterloo tourist party is occasionally seen in spring or
+summer, but, except these, scarcely a traveller is ever to be met with
+along this dreary tract These reassuring facts were communicated to us
+by the coachee, while he made his toilet beside the window.
+
+By great persuasions, much eloquence, French and English, and a Napoleon
+in gold, our driver at length consented to start on foot for Brussels,
+whence he was to send us a conveyance to return to the capital. This
+bargain effected, we settled ourselves down to sleep or to grumble, as
+fancy or inclination prompted.
+
+I will not weary you with any further narrative of our sufferings, nor
+tell of that miserable attempt I made to doze, disturbed by Mrs. D.'s
+unceasing lamentations over her ruined bonnet, her shocked feelings,
+and her shot-silk. A little before daybreak, an empty furniture-van came
+accidentally by, with the driver of which we contracted for our return
+to Brussels, where we arrived at nine o'clock this morning, almost as
+sad a party as ever fled from Waterloo! I thought I 'd jot down these
+few details before I lay down for a sleep, and it is likely that I may
+still add a line or two before post-hour.
+
+
+Monday.
+
+My dear Tom,--We've had our share of trouble since I wrote the last
+postscript. Poor James has been "out," and was wounded in the leg, above
+the knee. The Frenchman with whom he had a dispute at Hougoumont sent
+him a message on Saturday last; but as these affairs abroad are always
+greatly discussed and argued before they come off, the meeting did n't
+take place till this morning, when they met near Lacken. James's
+friend was Lord George Tiverton, Member for Hornby, and son to some
+Marquis,--that you'll find out in the "Peerage," for my head is too
+confused to remember.
+
+He stood to James like a trump; drove him to the ground in his own
+phaeton, lent him his own pistols,--the neatest tools ever I looked at,
+I wonder he could miss with them,--and then brought him back here, and
+is still with him, sitting at the bedside like a brother. Of course it's
+very distressing to us all, and poor James is in terrible pain, for the
+leg is swelled up as thick as three, and all blue, and the doctors don't
+well know whether they can save it; but it's a grand thing, Tom, to know
+that the boy behaved beautifully. Lord G. says: "I've been out something
+like six-and-twenty times, principal or second, but I never saw anything
+cooler, quieter, or in better taste than young Dodd's conduct." These
+are his own words, and let me tell you, Tom, that's high praise from
+such a quarter, for the English are great sticklers for a grave,
+decorous, cold-blooded kind of fighting, that we don't think so much
+about in Ireland. The Frenchman is one Count Roger,--not pronounced
+Roger, but Rogee,--and, they say, the surest shot in France. He left
+his card to inquire after James, about half an hour ago,--a very
+pretty piece of attention, at all events. Mrs. D. and the girls are not
+permitted to see James yet, nor would it be quite safe, for the poor
+fellow is wandering in his mind. When I came into the room he told Lord
+George that I was his uncle! and begged me not to alarm his aunt on any
+account!
+
+I can't as yet say how far this unlucky event will interfere with our
+plans about moving. Of course, for the present, this is out of the
+question; for the surgeon says that, taking the most favorable view of
+his case, it will be weeks before J. can leave his bed. To tell you my
+mind frankly, I don't think they know much about gunshot wounds abroad;
+for I remember when I hit Giles Eyre, the bullet went through his chest
+and came out under the bladebone, and Dr. Purden just stopped up the
+hole with a pitch-plaster, and gave him a tumbler of weak punch, and he
+was about again, as fresh as ever, in a week's time. To be sure, he used
+to have a hacking kind of a short cough, and complained of a pain now
+and then; but everybody has his infirmities!
+
+I mentioned what Purden did, to Baron Seutin, the surgeon here; but
+he called him a barbarian, and said be deserved the galleys for it! I
+thought to myself, "It's lucky old Sam does n't hear you, for he's just
+the boy would give you an early morning for it!"
+
+I was called away by a message from the Commissary of the Police, who
+has sent one of his sergeants to make an inquiry about the duel.
+
+If it was to Roger he went, it would be reasonable enough; but why come
+and torment us that have our own troubles? I was obliged to sit quiet
+and answer all his questions, giving my Christian name and my wife's,
+our ages, what religion we were, if we were really married,--egad, it's
+lucky it was n't Mrs. D. was under examination,--what children we had,
+their ages and sex,--I thought at one time he was going to ask how many
+more we meant to have. Then he took an excursion into our grandfathers
+and grandmothers, and at last came back to the present generation and
+the shindy.
+
+If it was n't for Lord George, we 'd never have got through the
+business; but he translated for me, and helped me greatly,--for what
+with the confusion I was in, and the language, and the absurdity of the
+whole thing, I lost my temper very often; and now I discover that we
+'re to have a kind of prosecution against us, though of what kind, or
+at whose suit, or why, I can't find out. This will be, therefore, number
+three in my list of law-suits here,--not bad, considering that I 'm
+scarce as many weeks in the country! I have n't mentioned this to you
+before, for I don't like dwelling on it; but it's truth, nevertheless.
+I must close this at last, for we have Lord G. to dinner; and I must go
+and put Paddy Byrne through his facings, or there 'll be all kinds of
+blundering. I wish I'd never brought him with us, nor the jaunting-car.
+The young chaps--the dandies here--have a knack of driving, as if down
+on us, just to see Mary Anne trying to save her legs; but I 'll come
+across them one day with the whip, in a style they won't like. Betty
+Cobb, too, was no bargain, and I wish she was back at Dodsborough.
+
+We 're always reading in the newspapers how well the Irish get on out
+of Ireland,--how industrious they become, how thrifty, and so on;
+don't believe a word of it, Tom. There's Betty, the same lazy,
+good-for-nothing, story-telling, complaining, discontented devil ever
+she was; and as for Paddy Byrne, his fists have never been out of
+somebody's features, except when there were handcuffs on them,--_semper
+eadem!_ Tom, as we used to say at Dr. Bell's. Whatever we may be at
+home,--and the "Times" won't say much for us there,--it's _there_ we 're
+best, after all. The doctors are here again to see James; so that I must
+conclude with love to all yours, and Remain ever faithfully your friend,
+
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER VI. MISS MARY AUNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+
+Dearest Kitty,--What a dreadful fortnight have we passed through! We
+thought that poor dear James must have lost his leg; the inflammation
+ran so high, and the pain and the fever were so great, that one night
+the Baron Seutin actually brought the horrid instruments with him, and
+I believe it was Lord George alone persuaded him to defer the operation.
+What a dear, kind, affectionate creature he is! He has scarcely ever
+left the house since it happened; and although he sits up all night with
+James, he seems never tired nor sleepy, but is so full of life all day
+long, playing on the piano, and teaching us the mazurka! I should rather
+say teaching me, for Cary, bless the mark, has taken a prudish turn, and
+says she has no fancy for being pulled about, even by a lord! I may
+as well mention here, that there is nothing less like romping than the
+mazurka, when danced properly; and so Lord George as much as told her.
+He scarcely touches your waist, Kitty; he only "gives you support," as
+he says himself, and he never by any chance squeezes your hand, except
+when there 's something droll he wants you to remark.
+
+I must say, Kitty, that in Ireland we conceive the most absurd notions
+about the aristocracy. Now, here, we have one of the first, the very
+first young nobleman of the day actually domesticated with us. For the
+entire fortnight he has never been away, and yet we are as much at home
+with him, as easy in his presence, and as unconstrained as if it were
+your brother Robert, or anybody else of no position. You can form
+no idea how entertaining he is, for, as he says himself, "I 've done
+everything," and I 'm certain so he has; such a range of knowledge on
+every subject,--such a mass of acquaintances! And then he has been all
+over the world in his own yacht. It's like listening to the "Arabian
+Nights," to hear him talk about the Bosphorus and the Golden Horn; and
+I'm sure I never knew how to relish Byron's poetry till I heard Lord
+G.'s description of Patras and Salamis. I must tell you, as a great
+secret though, that he came, the other evening, in his cloak to the
+drawing-room door, to say that James wanted to see me; and when I went
+out, there he was in full Albanian dress, the most splendid thing you
+ever beheld,--a dark violet velvet jacket all braided with gold, white
+linen jupe, like the Scotch kilt, but immensely full,--he said, two
+hundred ells wide,--a fez on his head, embroidered sandals, and such a
+scimitar! it was a mass of turquoises and rubies. Oh, Kitty! I have no
+words to describe him; for, besides all this, he has such eyes, and the
+handsomest beard in the world,--not one of those foppish little tufts
+they call imperials, nor that grizzly clothes-brush Young France
+affects, but a regular "Titian," full, flowing, and squared beneath.
+Now, don't let Peter fancy that he ought to get up a "_moyen age_ look,"
+for, between ourselves, these things, which sit so gracefully on my
+Lord, would be downright ridiculous in the dispensary doctor; and while
+I 'm on the topic, let me say that nothing is so thoroughly Irish as the
+habit of imitating, or rather of mimicking, those of stations above our
+own. I 'll never forget Peter's putting the kicking-straps on his mare
+just because he saw Sir Joseph Vickare drive with them; the consequence
+was that the poor beast, who never kicked before, no sooner felt the
+unaccustomed encumbrance than she dashed out, and never stopped till she
+smashed the gig to atoms. In the same way, I 'm certain that if he
+only saw Lord George's dress, which is a kind of black velvet paletot,
+braided, and very loose in the sleeves, he'd just follow it, quite
+forgetting how inconvenient it might be in what he calls "the surgery."
+At all events, Kitty, do not say that I said so. I'm too conscious how
+little power I have to serve him, to wish to hurt his feelings.
+
+You could not believe what interest has been felt about James in the
+very highest circles here. We were at last obliged to issue a species of
+bulletin every morning, and leave it with the porter at the hotel door.
+I own to you I thought it did look a little pretentious at first to read
+these documents, with the three signatures at the foot; but Lord George
+only laughed at my humility, and said that it was "expected from us."
+From all this you may gather that poor James's misfortune has not
+been unalloyed with benefit. The sympathy--I had almost said the
+friendship--of Lord G. is indeed priceless, and I see, from the names of
+the inquiries, that our social position has been materially benefited
+by the accident. In the little I have seen of the Continent, one thing
+strikes me most forcibly. It is that to have any social eminence or
+success you must be notorious. I am free to own that in many instances
+this is not obtained without considerable sacrifice, but it would seem
+imperative. You may be very rich, or very highly connected, or very
+beautiful, or very gifted. You may possess some wonderful talent as a
+painter or a musician or as a dramatist. You may be the great talker
+of dinner-parties,--the wit who never wanted his repartee. A splendid
+rider, particularly if a lady, has always her share of admiration.
+But apart from these qualities, Kitty, you have only to reckon on
+eccentricities, and, I am almost ashamed to write it, on follies.
+Chance--I never could call it good fortune, when I think of poor
+James--has achieved for us what, in all likelihood, we never could have
+accomplished for ourselves, and by a turn of the wheel we wake and
+find ourselves famous. I only wish you could see the list of visitors,
+beginning with princes, and descending by a sliding scale to barons and
+chevaliers; such flourishing of hats, too, as we receive whenever we
+drive out! Papa begins to complain that he might as well leave his at
+home, as he is perpetually carrying it about in his hand. But for Lord
+George, we should never know who one-half of these fine folk were; but
+he is acquainted with them all, and such droll histories-as he has of
+them would convulse you with laughter to listen to.
+
+I need not say that so long as poor dear James continues to suffer,
+we do not accept of any invitation whatever; we just receive a few
+intimates--say fifteen or twenty very dear friends--twice a week.
+Then it is merely a little music, tea, and perhaps a polka, always
+improvised, you understand, and got up without the slightest
+forethought. Lord G. is perfect for that kind of thing, and whatever
+he does seems to spring so naturally from the impulse of the moment.
+Yesterday, however, Just as we were dressing for dinner, papa alone was
+in the drawing-room, the servant announced Monsieur le General Comte de
+Vanderdelft, aide-de-camp to the King, and immediately there entered a
+very tall and splendidly dressed man, with every order you can think of
+on his breast. He saluted pa most courteously, who bowed equally low
+in return, and then began something which pa thought was a kind of set
+speech, for he spoke so fluently and so long, and with such evident
+possession of his subject, that papa felt it must have been all got up
+beforehand.
+
+At last he paused, and poor papa, whose French never advanced beyond the
+second page of Cobbett's Grammar, uttered his usual "Non comprong," with
+a gesture happily more explanatory than the words. The General, deeming,
+possibly, that he was called upon for a recapitulation of his discourse,
+began it all over again, and was drawing towards the conclusion when
+mamma entered. He at once addressed himself to her, but she hastily rang
+the bell, and sent for _me_. I, of course, did not lose a moment, but,
+arranging my hair in plain bands, came down at once. When I came into
+the drawing-room, I saw there was some mystification, for papa was
+sitting with his spectacles on, busily hunting out something in the
+little Dialogue Book of five languages, and mamma was seated directly
+in front of the General, apparently listening to him with the utmost
+attention, but as I well knew, from her contracted eyebrows and
+pursed-up mouth, only endeavoring to read his sentiments from the
+expression of his features. He turned at once towards me as I saluted
+him, showing how unmistakably he rejoiced at the sound of his own
+language. "I come, Mademoiselle," said he, "on the part of the
+King"--and he paused and bowed at the word as solemnly as if he were in
+a church. "His Majesty having obtained from the English Legation here
+the names of the most distinguished visitors of your countrymen, has
+graciously commanded me to wait upon the Honorable Monsieur--" Here he
+paused again, and, taking out a slip of paper from his pocket, read the
+name--"Dodd. I am right, am I not, Mademoiselle Dodd?" At the mention
+of his name, papa bowed, and placed his hand on his waistcoat as if
+to confirm his identity; while mamma smiled a bland assent to the
+partnership. "To wait upon Monsieur Dodd," resumed the General, "and
+invite him and Madame Dodd to be present at the grand ceremony of the
+opening of the railroad to Mons." I could scarcely believe my ears,
+Kitty, as I listened. The inauguration ceremony has been the stock
+theme of the newspapers for the last month. Archbishops and
+bishops--cardinals, for aught I know--have been expected, regardless of
+expense, to bless everything and everybody, from the sovereign down to
+the stokers. The programme included a High Mass, military bands, the
+presence of the whole Court, and a grand _dejeuner_. To have been deemed
+worthy of an invitation to such a festival was a very legitimate reason
+for pride. "I have not his Majesty's commands, Mademoiselle," said the
+General, "to include you in the invitation; but as the King is always
+pleased to see his Court distinguished by beauty, I may safely
+promise that you will receive a card within the course of this day or
+to-morrow." I suppose I must have looked very grateful, for the
+General dropped his eyes, placed his band on his heart, and said, "Oh,
+Mademoiselle!" in a tone of voice the most touching you can conceive. I
+believe, from watching my emotion, and the General's acknowledgment of
+it, mamma had arrived at the conclusion that the General had come
+to propose for me. Indeed, I am convinced, Kitty, that such was the
+impression on her mind, for she whispered in my ear, "Tell him, Mary
+Anne, that he must speak to papa first." This suggestion at
+once recalled me to myself, and I explained what he had come
+for,--apologizing, of course, to the General for having to speak in a
+foreign language before him. I am certain mamma's satisfaction at the
+royal invitation totally obliterated any disappointment she might have
+felt from baffled expectations, and she courtesied and smiled, and papa
+bowed and simpered so much, that I felt quite relieved when the General
+withdrew,--having previously kissed ma's hand and mine, with an air of
+respectful homage only acquired in Courts.
+
+Perhaps this scene did not occupy more space than I have taken to
+describe it, and yet, Kitty, it seems to me as though we had been
+inhaling the atmosphere that surrounds royalty for a length of time!
+From my revery on this theme I was aroused by a lively controversy
+between papa and mamma.
+
+"Egad!" says papa, "Pummistone's blunder has done us good service. They
+'ve surely taken us for something very distinguished. Look out, Mary
+Anne, and see if there 's any Dodds in the peerage."
+
+"Fudge!" cried mamma; "there's no blunder whatever in the case! We
+are beginning to be known, that's all; nor is there anything very
+astonishing in the fact, seeing that King Leopold is the uncle to our
+own Queen. I should like to know what is there more natural than that we
+should receive attention from his Court?"
+
+"Maybe it's James's accident," muttered papa.
+
+"It's no such thing, I'm certain," replied mamma, angrily, "and it's
+downright meanness to impute to a mere casualty what is the legitimate
+consequence of our position."
+
+Now, Kitty, whenever mamma uses the word "position," she has generally
+come to the end of her ammunition, which is of the less consequence
+that she usually contrives with this last shot to explode the enemy's
+magazine, and blow him clean out of the water! Papa knows this so well,
+that the moment he hears it, he takes to the long boat, or, to drop
+the use of metaphor, he seizes his hat and decamps; which he did on the
+present occasion, leaving ma and myself in the field.
+
+"A Dodd indeed, in the peerage!" said she, contemptuously; "I 'd like
+to know where you 'd find it! If it was a M'Carthy, there would be some
+difference; M'Carthy More slew Shawn Bhuy na Tiernian in the year ten
+thousand and six, and was hanged for it at his own gate, in a rope of
+silk of the family colors, green and white; and I 'd like to know where
+were the Dodds then? But it's the way with your father always, Mary
+Anne; he quite forgets the family he married into."
+
+Though this was somewhat of unjust reproach, Kitty, I did not reply to
+it, but turned ma's attention to the King's gracious message, and the
+approaching _dejeuner_. We agreed that as Cary would n't and indeed
+could n't go, that ma and I should dress precisely alike, with our hair
+in bands in front, with two long curls behind the ears, white tarletan
+dresses, three jupes, looped up with marigolds; the only distinction
+being that ma should wear her carbuncles, and I nothing but moss-roses.
+It sounds very simple costume, Kitty, but Mademoiselle Adele has such
+taste we felt we might rely upon its not being too plain. Papa, of
+course, would wear his yeomanry uniform, which is really very neat, the
+only ungraceful part being the white shorts and black gaiters to the
+knee; and these he insists on adhering to, as well as the helmet, which
+looks exactly like a gigantic caterpillar crawling over a coal-box!
+However, it's military; and abroad, my dearest Kitty, if not a soldier,
+you are nothing. The English are so well aware of this that not one of
+them would venture to present himself at a foreign court in that absurd
+travesty of footmen called the "corbeau" coat. Even the lawyers
+and doctors, the newspaper editors, the railroad people, the civil
+engineers, and the solicitors, all come out as Yorkshire Hussars,
+Gloucestershire Fencibles, Hants Rifles, or Royal Archers; these last,
+very picturesque, with kilt, filibeg, and dirk, much handsomer than any
+other Highland regiment! We also discussed a little plot about making pa
+wear a coronation-medal, which would pass admirably as an "order," and
+procure him great respect and deference amongst the foreigners; but
+this, I may as well mention here, he most obstinately rejected, and
+swore at last that if we persisted, he 'd have his commission as a
+justice of the peace fixed on a pole, and carry it like a banner before
+him. Of course, in presence of such a threat, we gave up our project.
+You may smile, Kitty, at my recording such trivial circumstances; but of
+such is life. We are ourselves but atoms, dearest, and all around us are
+no more! As eagerly as _we_ strive upwards, so determinedly does
+_he_ drag us down to earth again, and ma's noblest ambitions are ever
+threatened by papa's inglorious tastes and inclinations.
+
+I 'm so full of this delightful _fete_ my dear Kitty, that I can think
+of nothing else; nor, indeed, are my thoughts very collected even on
+that,--for that wild creature, Lord George, is thumping the piano,
+imitating all the opera people, and occasionally waltzing about the room
+in a manner that would distract any human head to listen to! He has just
+been tormenting me to tell him what I 'm saying to you, and bade me tell
+you that he 's dying to make your acquaintance; so you see, dearest,
+that he has heard of those deep-blue eyes and long-fringed lids that
+have done such marvels in our western latitudes! It is really no use
+trying to continue. He is performing what he calls a "Grand March,
+with a full orchestral accompaniment," and there is a crowd actually
+assembling in front of the house. I had something to say, however, if I
+could only remember it.
+
+I have just recalled what I wanted to mention. It is this: P. B. is most
+unjust, most ungenerous. Living, as he does, remote from the world and
+its exciting cares, he can form no conception of what is required from
+those who mingle in its pleasures, and, alas! partake of its trials! To
+censure me for the sacrifices I am making to that world, Kitty, is then
+great injustice. I feel that he knows nothing of these things! What knew
+I myself of them till within a few weeks back! Tell him so, dearest.
+Tell him, besides, that I am ever the same, save in that expansion of
+the soul which comes of enlarged views of life,--more exalted notions
+and more ennobling emotions! When I think of what I was, Kitty, and
+of what I am, I may indeed shudder at the perils of the present, but I
+blush deeply for the past! Of course you will not permit him to think
+of coming abroad; "settling as a doctor," as he calls it, "on the
+Continent," is too horrid to be thought of! Are you aware, Kitty, what
+place the lawyer and the physician occupy socially here? Something
+lower than the courier, and a little higher than the cook! Two or three,
+perhaps, in every capital city are received in society, wear decent
+clothes, and wash their hands occasionally, but there it ends! and
+even they are only admitted on sufferance, and as it were by a tacit
+acknowledgment of the uncertainty of human life, and that it is good to
+have a "learned leech" within call. Shall I avow it, Kitty, I think they
+are right! It is, unquestionably, a gross anomaly to see everlastingly
+around one in the gay world those terrible remembrancers of dark hours
+and gloomy scenes. We do not scatter wills and deeds and settlements
+amongst the prints and drawings and light literature of our drawing-room
+tables, nor do we permit physic-bottles to elbow the odors and essences
+which deck our "consoles" and chimney-pieces; and why should we admit
+the incarnation of these odious objects to mar the picturesque elegance
+of our _salons?_ No, Kitty; they may figure upon a darker canvas,
+but they would ill become the gorgeous light that illumines the grand
+"tableau" of high life! Peter, too, would be quite unsuited to the
+habits of the Continent Wrapped up as he is in his profession, he
+never could attain to that charming negligence of manner, that graceful
+trifling, that most insinuating languor, which distinguish the well-bred
+abroad. If they fail to captivate, Kitty, they at least never wound your
+susceptibilities, nor hurt your prejudices. The delightful maxim that
+pronounces "Tous les gouts sont respectables," is the keystone of this
+system. No, no, Peter must not come abroad!
+
+Let me not forget to congratulate you on Robert's success. What is it
+he has gained? for I could not explain to Lord George whether he is a
+"double first" or a something else.
+
+You are quite mistaken, my dear friend, about lace. It is fully as
+dear here as with us. At the same time I must say we never do see real
+"Brussels point" in Ireland; for even the Castle folk are satisfied with
+showing you nothing but their cast-off London finery; and as to lace,
+it is all what they call here "application,"--that is, the flowers and
+tracery are worked in upon common net, and are not part of the fabric,
+as in real "point de Bruxelles." After all, even this is as superior
+to "Limerick lace" as a foreign ambassador is, in manner, to a Dublin
+alderman.
+
+I should like to keep this over till the _dejeuner_ at Mons; but as it
+goes by "the Messenger,"--Lord Gledworth having given pa the privilege
+of the "bag,"--I cannot longer defer writing myself my dearest Kitty's
+most attached friend,
+
+Mary Anne Dodd.
+
+I open my letter to send you the last bulletin about James:--
+
+     "Monsieur James Dodd has passed a tranquil night, and is
+     proceeding favorably. The wound exhibits a good appearance,
+     and the general fever is slight
+
+     (Signed)          "Baron De Seutin.
+
+     "El'stache De Mornaye, Med. du Roi. "Samuel Mossin,
+     M.R.C.S.L."
+
+We 're in another mess with that wretch Paddy Byrne. The gendarmes are
+now in the house to inquire after him. It would seem that he has beaten
+a whole hackney-coach stand, and set the vehicles and horses off full
+speed down the "Montagne de la Cour," one of the steepest streets in
+Europe. When will papa see it would be cheaper to send him home by a
+special steamer than to keep him here and pay for all his "escapades"?
+
+Paddy, who got on to the roof to escape the police, has just fallen
+through a skylight, and has been conveyed to hospital, terribly injured.
+He fell upon an old gentleman of eighty-two, who says he will look to
+papa for compensation. The tumult the affair has caused is dreadful, and
+pa is like a madman.
+
+The General Count Vanderdelft has come back to say that I am invited.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER VII. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH.
+
+Dear Molly,--I scarcely have courage to take up my pen, and, maybe, if
+it was n't that I 'm driven to the necessity of writing, I could n't
+bring myself to the effort. You have already heard all about poor dear
+James's duel. It was in the "Post" and "Galignani," and got copied into
+the French papers; and, indeed, I must say that so far as notoriety
+goes, it was all very gratifying to our feelings, though the poor boy
+has had to pay dearly for the honor. His sufferings were very great, and
+for ten days he did n't know one of us; even to this time he constantly
+calls me his aunt! He's now out of danger at last, and able to sit up
+for a few hours every day, and take a little sustenance, and hear the
+papers read, and see the names of the people that have called to ask
+after him; and a proud list it is,--dukes, counts, and barons without
+end!
+
+This, of course, is all very pleasing, and no one is more ready to
+confess it than myself; but life is nothing but trials, Molly; you 're
+up to-day, and you 're down tomorrow; and maybe 'tis when you think the
+road is smoothest and best, and that your load is lightest, 't is just
+at that very moment you see yourself harnessed between the "shafts of
+adversity." We never think of these things when all goes well with us;
+but what a shock we feel when the hand of fate turns the tables on us,
+with, maybe, the scarlatina or the sheep-rot, the smut in the wheat, or
+a stain on your reputation! When I wrote last, I mentioned to you the
+high station we were in, the elegant acquaintances we made, and the
+fine prospect before us; but I 'm not sure you got my letter, for the
+gentleman that took charge of it thought of going home by Norway, so
+that perhaps it has not reached you. It's little matter; maybe 't is all
+the better, indeed, if it never does come to hand! The last three weeks
+has been nothing but troubles; and as for expense, Molly, the money goes
+in a way I never witnessed before, though, if you knew all the shifts I
+'m put to, you 'd pity me, and the sacrifices I make to keep our heads
+above water would drown you in tears.
+
+I don't know where to begin with our misfortunes, though I believe the
+first of them was Wednesday week last. You must know, Molly, that we
+were invited by the King, who sent his own aide-de-camp, in full fig,
+with crosses and orders all over him, to ask us to a breakfast, or, as
+they call it, a _dejeuner_, in honor of the opening of a new railroad at
+Mons. It was, as you may believe, a very great honor to pay us, nothing
+being invited but the very first families,--the embassies and the
+ministers; and we certainly felt it well became us not to disgrace
+either the country we came from or the proud distinction of his Majesty;
+and so Mary and I had two new dresses made just the same, like
+sisters, very simple, but elegant, Molly,--a light stuff that cost
+only two-and-five a yard, thirty-two yards of which would make the two,
+leaving me a breadth more in the skirt than Mary Anne,--the whole
+not coming to quite four pounds, without the making. That was our
+calculation, Molly, and we put it down on paper; for K. I. insists on
+our paying for everything when it comes home, as he is always saying,
+"We never know how suddenly we may have to leave this place yet."
+
+Low as the price was, it took a day and a half before he gave in. He
+stormed and swore about all the expenses of the family,--that there
+was no end of our extravagant habits, and what with hairdressers,
+dancing-masters, and doctors, it cost five-and-twenty pounds in a week.
+
+"And if it did, K. I.," said I,--"if it did, is four pounds too much to
+spend on the dress of your wife and daughter, when they 're invited to
+Court? If you can squander in handfuls on your pleasures, can you spare
+nothing for the wants of your family?"
+
+I reminded him who _he_ was and _I_ was. I let him know what was the
+stock I came from, and what we were used to, Molly; and, indeed,
+I believe he 'd rather than double the money not have provoked the
+discussion.
+
+The end of it was, we carried the day; and early on Wednesday morning
+the two dresses came home; Mademoiselle Adele herself coming with them
+to try them on. I have n't words to tell you how mine fitted; if it was
+made on me, it could n't be better. I need n't say more of the general
+effect than that Betty--and you know she is no flatterer--called me
+nothing but "miss" till I took it off. Conscious of how it became me,
+I too readily listened to her suggestion to "go and show it to the
+master," and accordingly walked into the room where he was seated
+reading the newspaper.
+
+[Illustration: 090]
+
+"Ain't you afraid of catching cold?" says he, dryly.
+
+"Why so?" replied I.
+
+"Had n't you better put on your gown, going about the passages?" says
+he, in a cross kind of way.
+
+"What do you mean, K. I.? Is not this my gown?"
+
+"That!" cried he, throwing down the newspaper on the floor. "_That!_"
+
+"And why not, pray, Mister Dodd?"
+
+"Why not?" exclaimed he; "because you're half-naked, madam,--because
+it would n't do for a bathing-dress,--because the Queen of the Tonga
+Islands would n't go out in it."
+
+"If my dress is not high enough for your taste, K. I., maybe the bill
+is," says I, throwing down the paper on the table, and sweeping out of
+the room. Oh, Molly, little I knew the words I was saying, for I never
+had opened the bill at all, contenting myself with Mademoiselle Adele's
+promise that making would be a "bagatelle of some fifteen or twenty
+francs!" What do you think it came to? Eight hundred and thirty-three
+francs five sous. Thirty-three pounds six and tenpence-half penny! as
+sure as I write these lines. I was taken with the nerves,--just as I
+used to be long ago,--screeching and laughing and crying altogether,
+when I heard it; and the attack lasted two hours, and left me very weak
+and exhausted after it was over. Oh, Molly dear, what a morning it was!
+for what with ether and curacoa, strong sherry and aniseed cordial,
+my head was splitting; and Betty ran downstairs into the _table-d'hote_
+room, and said that "the master was going to murder the mistress," and
+brought up a crowd of gentlemen after her. K. I. was holding my hands
+at the time, for they say that I wanted to make at Mademoiselle Adele
+to tear her eyes out; so that, naturally enough, perhaps, they believed
+Betty's story; however that might be, they rushed in a body at K. I.,
+who, quitting hold of me, seized the poker. I need n't tell you what he
+is like when in a passion! I 'm told the scene was awful; for they all
+made for the stairs together,--K. I. after them! The appearance of the
+place afterwards may give you some notion of what it witnessed: all the
+orange-trees in the tubs thrown down, two lamps smashed, the bust of
+the King and Queen on the landing in shivers, several of the banisters
+broken; while tufts of hair, buttons, and bits of cloth were strewn
+about on all sides. The head-waiter is wearing a patch over his eye
+still, and the Swiss porter, one of the biggest men I ever saw, has cut
+his face fearfully by a fall into a glass globe with gold-fish. It was
+a costly morning's work, Molly! and if twenty pounds sees us through it,
+we 're lucky! Mr. Profiles, too, the landlord, came up to request we 'd
+leave the hotel; that there was nothing but rows and disturbances in the
+house since we entered it; and much more of the same sort. K. I.
+flared up at this, and they abused each other for an hour. This is very
+unfortunate, for I hear that P. is a baron, and a great friend of the
+King; for abroad, Molly dear, the nobles are not above anything, and
+sell cigars, and show the town to strangers to turn a penny, without
+any one thinking the worse of them! All this, as you may suppose, was a
+blessed preparation for the Court breakfast; but yet, by two o'clock
+we got away, and reached the Allee Verte, when we heard that all the
+special trains were already off, and had to take our places in the
+common conveyances meant for the public, and, worse again, to be
+separated from K. I., who had to go into a third-class, while Mary Anne
+and I were in a second. There we were, dressed up in full style in the
+noonday, with bare necks and arms, in a crowd of bagmen, officers, and
+clerks, who, you may be sure, had their own thoughts about us; and,
+indeed, there's no saying what they might n't have done as well as
+thought, if K. I. did n't come to the window every time we stopped,
+with a big stick in his hand, and by a very significant gesture gave
+the company to comprehend that he 'd make mince veal of the man that
+molested us.
+
+You may think, Molly, of what a two hours we spent, for the women in the
+train were worse than the men; and although I did not understand what
+they said, their looks were quite intelligible; but I have not patience
+to tell you more. We reached Mons at four o'clock; a great part of
+the ceremony was over. The High Mass and Benediction pronounced by
+the Cardinal of M alines; the rail was blessed; and the deputation
+had addressed the King, and his Majesty had replied, and all kinds of
+congratulations were exchanged, orders and crosses given to everybody,
+from the surveyors to the stokers, and now the procession was forming to
+the royal pavilion, where there were tables laid out for eight hundred
+people.
+
+K. I.'s scarlet uniform, though a little the worse for wear, and so
+tight in the waist that the last three buttons were left unfastened,
+procured him immediate respect, and we passed through sentries and
+patrols as if we were royalty itself; indeed, the military presented
+arms to K. I. at every step, and such clinking of muskets and bayonets I
+never heard before.
+
+All this time, Molly, we were going straight on, without knowing where
+to; for K. I. said to me in a whisper, "Let us put a bold face on it, or
+they 'll ask us for tickets or something of the kind;" and so we went,
+hoping every moment to see our friend the Count, who would take us under
+his protection. If it was n't for our own anxieties, the scene would
+have amused us greatly, for there was all manner of elegant females, and
+men in fine uniforms, and the greatest display of jewels I ever saw; but
+for all that, we were getting uneasy, for we saw that they each carried
+cards in their hands, and that the official came and asked for them as
+they passed on.
+
+"We 'll be in a nice way if Vanderdelft does n't turn up," says K.
+I.; and as he said it, there was the General himself beside us. He was
+greatly heated, as if he had been running or walking fast, and, although
+dressed in full uniform, his stock was loose, and his cocked-hat was
+without the feather. "I was afraid I should have missed you," said he,
+in a hurried voice to Mary Anne, "and I 'm half-killed running about
+after you. Where's the Queen-Mother?" This was n't very ceremonious, my
+dear, but I did n't know what he said at the time; indeed, he spoke
+so fast, it was all Mary Anne could do to follow him! for he talked of
+everything and everybody in a breath. "We 've not a minute to lose,"
+cried he, drawing Mary Anne's arm inside his own. "If Leopold once sits
+down to table, I can't present you. Come along, and I 'll get you a good
+place."
+
+How we pierced the crowd the saints alone can tell! but the General went
+at them in a way of his own, and they fell back as they saw him coming,
+in a style that made us think we had no common guide to conduct us. At
+last, by dint of crushing, driving, and pushing everybody out of our
+way, we reached a kind of barrier, where two fine-looking men in blue
+and gold were taking the tickets. As Mary Anne and the General were in
+advance of us, I did n't see what happened first; but when we came
+up, we found Vanderdelft in a flaring passion, and crying out, "These
+scullions don't know me; this canaille never heard of my name?"
+
+[Illustration: 094]
+
+"We're in a mess, Mrs. D.," said K. I. to me, in a whisper.
+
+"How can that be?" said I.
+
+"We 're in a mess," says he, again, "and a pretty mess, too, or I 'm
+mistaken;" but he had n't time for more, for just then the General
+kicked up the bar with his foot, and passed in with Mary Anne,
+flourishing his drawn sword in the air, and crying out, "Take them in
+flank--sabre them, every man--no prisoners!--no quarter!" Oh, Molly, I
+can't continue, though I 'll never forget the scene that followed. Two
+big men in gray coats burst through the crowd and laid hands on the
+General, who, it seems, had made his escape out of a madhouse at Ghent
+a week before, and was, as they said, the most dangerous lunatic in all
+Belgium. It appeared that he had gone down to his own country-house near
+Brussels, and stolen his uniform and his orders, for he was once on
+a time aide-de-camp to the Prince of Orange, and went mad after the
+Revolution.
+
+Just think of our situation as we stood there, among all the nobles and
+grandees, suffocated with laughter; for, as they tore the poor General
+away, he cried out "to take care of the Queen-Mother, and to be sure and
+get something to eat for the Aga of the Janissaries," meaning K. I.!
+
+The mob at this time began screeching and hooting, and there's
+no knowing how it might have ended, if it was n't for the little
+Captain--Morris is his name--that was once quartered at Bruff, and who
+happened to be there, and knew us, and he came up and explained who we
+were, and got us away to a coach, more dead than alive, Molly.
+
+And so we got back to Brussels that night, in a state of mind and body I
+leave you to imagine, K. I. abusing us all the way about the milliner's
+bill, the expense of the trip, and the exposure! "It's clear," says he,
+"we may leave this city now, for you 'll never recover what you call
+your 'position' here, after this day's exploit!" You may conceive how
+humbled and broken I was when he dared to say that to me, Molly, and I
+did n't so much as give him a word back!
+
+You 'll see from this that life is n't all roses with us; and indeed,
+for the last two days I 've done nothing but cry, and Mary Anne the
+same; for how we're ever to go to court and be presented now, nobody can
+tell! Morris advises K. I. to go into Germany for the summer, and maybe
+he is right; but, to tell you the truth, Molly, I can't bear that little
+man,--he has a dry, sneering kind of way with him that is odious to me.
+Mary Anne, too, hates him.
+
+So Father Maher won't buy "Judy," because she's not in calf. It's just
+like him,--he must have everything in this life his own way! Send me the
+price of the wool by Purcell; he can get a post-bill for it; and be sure
+to dispose of the fruit to the best advantage. Don't make any jam this
+year, for I 'd rather have the money than be spending it on sugar. You
+'d not believe the straits I 'm put to for a pound or two. It was only
+last week I sold four pair of K. I.'s drab shorts and gaiters, and a
+brown surtout, to a hawker for a trifle of fifteen francs, and persuaded
+him they were stolen out of his drawers! and I believe he has spent
+nearly double the money in handbills, offering a reward for the
+thief! That's the fruits of his want of confidence, and the secret and
+mysterious way he behaves to me! Many 's the time I told him that his
+underhand tricks cost him half his income!
+
+I tell him every day it's "no use to be here if we don't live in a
+certain style;" and then he says, "I'm quite ready to go back, Mrs. D.
+It was never my will that we came here at all." And there he is right,
+for it's just Ireland he's fit for! Father Maher and Tom Purcell and Sam
+Davis are exactly the company to suit him; but it's very hard that me
+and the girls are to suffer for his low tastes!
+
+The "Evening Mail," I see, puts Dodsborough down at the bottom of a
+column, as if it was Holloway's Ointment. That's what we get by having
+dealings with an Orange newspaper. They could murder us,--that's their
+feeling. They know in their hearts that they 're heretics, and they hate
+the True Church. There is nothing I detest so much as bigotry. Go to
+heaven _your own_ way, and let the Protestants go to the other place
+_theirs_. Them's my sentiments, Molly, and I believe they're the
+sentiments of a good Christian!
+
+I 'm sorry for Peter Belton, but what business has he to think of a girl
+like Mary Anne? If Dr. Cavanagh was dead himself, the whole practice
+of the country would n't be three hundred a year. Try and get an
+opportunity to tell him what I think, and say that he ought to look out
+for one of the Davises; though what a dispensary doctor wants with a
+wife the Lord only knows! K. I. civilly says he ought to be content
+making blisters for the neighbors, without wanting one on his own back!
+That's the way he talks of women. Father Maher never sent me the lines
+for Betty Cobb, and maybe I 'll be driven to have her cursed by a
+foreign priest after all. She and Paddy are the torment of our lives.
+I saved up five pounds to send them both back by a sailing-ship, but by
+good luck I discovered the vessel was going to Cuba instead of Cork, and
+so here they are still; maybe it would have been better if I had sent
+them off, though the way was something of a roundabout. There's no use
+in my speaking to K. I. about Christy, for he can get nothing for James.
+We may write to Vickars every week, but he never answers; he knows
+Parliament won't be dissolved soon, and he does n't mind us. If I 'd my
+will, there would be a general election every year, at least, and then
+we'd have a chance of getting something. I don't know which is worst,
+the Whigs or the Tories, nor is there much difference between them. K.
+I. supported each of them in turn, and never got bit nor sup from one or
+other, yet!
+
+I was sounding K. I. about Christy last night, and _he_ thinks you ought
+to send him to the gold diggings; he wants nothing but a pickaxe and a
+tin cullender and a pair of waterproof boots, to make a fortune there;
+and that's more than we can say of the County Limerick. There's nothing
+so hard to provide for as a boy in these times, except a girl!
+
+The trunks have not arrived yet: I hope you despatched them.
+
+Your attached and sincere friend,
+
+
+
+
+LETTER VIII. BETTY COBB TO MRS. SHUSAN O'SHEA, PRIEST'S HOUSE, BRUFF
+
+Dear Misses Shusan,--This comes with my heart's sorrow that I'm not at
+home where I was bred and born, but livin' abroad like a pelican on a
+dissolute island, more by token that I never wanted to come, but was
+persuaded by them that knew nothin' about what they wor talking; but
+thought it was all figs and lemons and raisins, with green pays and the
+sun in season all the year round; but, on the contrahery, sich rain and
+wind I never seen afore; and as for the eating, the saints forgive me if
+it's not true, but I b'leve I ate more rats since I 've come, than ever
+ould Tib did since she was kittened. The drinkin' 's as bad or worse.
+What they call wine is spoilt vinegar; and the vegables has no bone nor
+eatin' in them at all, but melts away in the mouth like butter in July.
+But 't is the wickedness is the worst of all. O Shusan! but the men is
+bad, and the women worse. Of all the devils ever I heerd of, they bate
+them: 'T is n't a quiet walk to mass on Sunday, with maybe a decent boy
+beside you, discoorsin' or the like, and then sitting under a hedge for
+the evening, with your apron afore you, talkin' about the praties, or
+the price of pigs, or maybe the polis; but here 'tis dancin' and rompin'
+and eatin', with merry-go-rounds, swing-swongs, and skittles all the day
+long. The dancin' 's dreadful! they don't stand up fornent other, like
+a jig, where anything of a dacent partner would n't so much as look hard
+at you, but keep minding his steps and humorin' the tune; but they catch
+each other round the waist--'tis true I am saying--and go huggin' and
+tearin' about like mad, till they can't breathe nor spake; and then, the
+noise! for 'tis n't one fiddle they have, but maybe twenty, with horns
+and flutes and a murderin' big brown tube, that a man blows into at one
+side, that makes a sound like the sea among the rocks at Kelper; and
+that's dancin', my dear! I got lave from the mistress last Sunday to go
+out in the evening with Mr. Francis, the currier, as they call him,--a
+mighty nice man, but a little free in his manners; and we went to the
+Moelenbeck Gardens, an iligant place, no doubt, with a hundred little
+tables under the trees, and a flure for dancin' and fireworks and a
+boat on a lake, with an island in it, where there was a hermit,--a
+fine-looking ould man, with a beard down to his waist, but, for all
+that, no better than he ought to be, for he made an offer to kiss me
+when I was going into the boat, and Mr. Francis laughed at me bekase
+I was angry. No matter, we went off to a place they call the Temple of
+Bakis, where there was a fat man, as I thought, stark nakit; but it was
+flesh-colored web he had on, and he was settin' on a beer-barrel, with a
+wreath of roses round his head, and looking as drunk as ever I seen;
+and for half a franc apiece, Bakis pulled out the spiget, and gave you a
+glassful of the nicest drink ever was tasted,--warm wine, with nutmeg
+in it, and cloves, and a taste of mint. I was afeerd to do more nor sup,
+seein' the place and the croud; but indeed, Shusan, little as I took, it
+got into my head; and I sat down on the steps of the Temple, and begun
+to cry about home and Dodsborough; and something came over me that Mr.
+Francis did n't mane well; and so I told everybody that I was a poor
+Irish girl, and that he was a wicked blaguard; and then the polis came,
+and there was a shindy! I don't know how far my head was wrong all the
+time; and they said that I sung the "Croniawn Dhubh;" maybe I did; but I
+know that I bate off the polis; and at last they took me away home, when
+every stitch on me was in ribbins; my iligant bonnet with the green bows
+as flat as a halfpeny; and the bombazine the mistress gave me, all rags;
+one of my shoes, too, was lost; and except a handful of hair I tore out
+of the corporal's beard, 'twas all loss to me.
+
+[Illustration: 100]
+
+This wasn't the worst; for little Paddy Byrne, that was in bed for a
+baiting he got 'mong the hackney-coachmen, jumped up and flew at Mister
+Francis for the honor of ould Ireland; and they fit for twenty minutes
+in the pantry, and broke every bit of glass and chaney in the house,
+forbye three lamps and some alybastard figures that was put there for
+safety; and the end of it was, Mr. Francis was discharged, but would n't
+take his wages, if the master did n't pay him half a year in advance,
+with diet and washing, and his expenses home to Swisserland, wherever
+that is; and there it is now, and master is in a law-shute, that
+everybody says will go agin him; for there's one good thing abroad,
+Shusan dear, the coorts stands by poor sarvants, and won't see them
+wronged by any cruel masters; and maybe it would be taching ould Mister
+Dodd something, if they made him smart for this!
+
+Ye may think, from all this, that I 'd be glad to be back again, and
+so it is. I cry all day and night, and sorrow stich I do for either the
+mistress or the young ladies, and maybe at last they 'll see 't is best
+to send me home. They needn't begrudge me the thrifle 'twould cost, for
+they're spending money like mad; and even the mistress, that would skin
+a flay in Ireland, thinks nothing of layin' out ten or fifteen pounds
+here of a day. Miss Mary Anne is as bad as the mother, and grown so
+proud and stand off that I never spake to her. Miss Caroline is what she
+used to be, barrin' the spirits; to be sure, she has no divarsion and no
+horse to ride, nor doesn't be out in the fields as she used, but for all
+that she bears it better than myself. Mister James is grown a young mau
+in three weeks, and never passes me on the stair without a wink or a
+look of the same kind; that's the way the Continent taches good manners!
+Mrs. Shusan! oh dear! oh dear! but 'tis wishing it I am, the day I come
+on this incontential tour. If I can't get back,--though it's not my
+fault if I don't,--send me the pair of strong shoes you 'll find in my
+hair trunk, and the two petticoats in the corner. If you could get a
+blade in the big scissors, send it too, and the two bits of dimity I
+want for mendin'. There was some Dandy Lion in a paper, I'd like; for
+there's none here, they say, has strength in it. You 'll be able to send
+me these by somebody coming this way, for I heerd mistress say everybody
+is travellin' these times. What was it Father Tom used to take for the
+redness in his nose? mine is tormentin' me dreadful, and though I'm
+poulticin' it every night with ash-bark, earthworms, and dragon's blood,
+I think it's only worse it's gettin'. Mr. Francis said that I must larn
+to sleep with my nose higher than my head, though how I'm to do it, the
+saints alone can tell! No time for more than to say your loving friend,
+
+Betty Cobb.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER IX. KENNY DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ.
+
+BELLEVUE, BRUSSELS.
+
+Dear Tom,--It 's no use in talking; I can't go over to Ireland now, and
+you know that as well as myself. Besides, what 's the good of me taking
+a part in the elections? Who can tell which side will be uppermost,
+after all? And if one is "to enter, it's as well to ride the winning
+horse." Vickars has behaved so badly that I don't think I'd support him;
+but there's a fortnight yet before the elections, and perhaps he may see
+the errors of his ways before that!
+
+I 've little heart or spirits for politics, for my life is fairly
+bothered out of me with domestic troubles. James is going on very
+slowly. There was a bit of glove-leather round the ball--a most
+inexcusable negligence on the part of his second--that has given much
+uneasiness; and he has a kind of night fever that keeps him low and
+weak. With that, too, he has too many doctors. Three of them come every
+morning, and never go away without a dispute.
+
+It strikes me forcibly, Tom, that medical science is one of the things
+that makes little progress, considering all the advantages of our
+century. I don't mean to say that they don't know better what's inside
+of you, what your bones are made of, that they have n't more hard names
+for everything than formerly; but that when it comes to cure you of a
+toothache, or a colic, or a fit of the gout, my sure belief is they made
+just as good a hand of it two hundred years ago. I won't deny that they
+'ll whip off your leg, tie one of your arteries, or take your hip out
+of the socket quicker than they used long ago; but how few of us, thank
+God, have need of that kind of skill! and if we have, what signifies a
+quarter of a minute more or less? Tim Hackett, that was surgeon to our
+County Infirmary forty years, never used any other tools than an old
+razor and a pair of pincers, and I believe he was just as successful as
+Astley Cooper; and yet these fellows that come to see James cover
+the table every day with instruments that would puzzle the Royal
+Society,--things like patent corkscrews, scissors with teeth like a saw,
+and one little crankum for all the world like a landing-net: James is
+more afraid of that than all the rest When I saw it first, I thought it
+was a new contrivance for taking the fees in. The Pharmacopoeia--I hope
+I spell it right--is greater, to be sure, than long ago, but what's the
+advantage of that? We never discover a new kind of beast for food, and
+I see little benefit in multiplying what only disgusts you. 'T is
+with medicine as with law, Tom; the more precedents we have, the more
+confused we get; and where our ignorant ancestors saw their way clearly,
+we, with all our enlightenment, never can hit on the right track at all.
+The mill-owner and the engineer, the tanner, the dyer, the printer,
+ay, even the fanner, picks up something every day that helps him in
+his craft. It's only the learned professions that never learn anything;
+maybe that's how they got the name "lucus a non," Tom, as Dr. Bell would
+say.
+
+You keep preaching to me about economy and making "both ends meet," and
+all that kind of balderdash; and if you only saw the way we 're living,
+you 'd be surprised at our cheapness. Whenever a five-pound note sees
+me through our bill for the day, I give myself a bottle of champagne at
+night out of gratitude! You remember all Mrs D.'s promises about thrift
+and saving; and, faith, I must say that so far as cutting "down the
+estimates" for the rest of the family, she 's worthy of the Manchester
+school; but whenever it touches herself, her liberality becomes
+boundless.
+
+I believe it would be cheaper to give the milliner a room in the house
+than pay her coach-hire, for she 's here every morning, and generally
+in my room when I 'm shaving, sometimes before I 'm up. Not that this
+trifling circumstance ever disconcerted her. On my conscience, I believe
+she 'd have taken Eve's measure before Adam, without a blush at the
+situation! So far as I have seen of foreign life, Tom, shamelessness
+is the grand characteristic, and I grieve to say that one picks up the
+indecency much easier than the irregular verbs. I wish, however, I had
+nothing to complain of but this.
+
+I told you in one of my late letters that I was getting into law here;
+the plot is thickening since that, and I have now, I believe, four
+actions--I hope it is not five--pending in four different courts; in
+some I 'm the plaintiff, in some the defendant, and in another I 'm
+something between the two; but what that may be, or what consequences
+it entails, I know as much as I do about calculating the next eclipse!
+Indeed, to distinguish between the several suits and the advocates I
+have engaged is no small difficulty, and a considerable part of every
+conference is occupied with purely introductory matter. These foreign
+lawyers have a mysterious kind of way with them, too, that always gives
+you the impression that a law-suit is something like the Gunpowder Plot!
+There's a fellow comes to me every morning for instructions, as he calls
+it, muffled up in a great cloak, and using as many precautions
+against being seen by the servants as if he were going to blow up the
+Government. I 'd not be so sensitive on the subject, if it had n't
+provoked a species of annoyance, at which, perhaps, you 'll be more
+disposed to laugh than sympathize.
+
+For the last week Mrs. D. has adopted a kind of warfare at which she,
+I 'll be bound to say, has few equals and no superior,--a species of
+irregular attack, at all times and on all subjects, by innuendo and
+insinuation, so dexterously thrown out as to defy opposition; for you
+might as well take your musket to keep off the mosquitoes! What she was
+driving at I never could guess, for the assault came on every flank,
+and in all manner of ways. If I was dressed a little more carefully than
+usual, she called attention to my "smartness;" if less so, she hinted
+that I was probably going out "on the sly." If I stayed at home, I was
+"waiting for somebody;" if I went out, it was to "meet them." But
+all this guerilla warfare gave way at last to a grand attack, when I
+ventured to remonstrate about some extravagance or other. "It came well
+from _me_," she burst forth, with indignant anger,--"it came well from
+_me_ to talk of the little necessary expenses of the family,--the bit
+they ate, and the clothes on their backs." She spoke as if they were
+Mandans or Iraquois, and lived in a wigwam! "It came well from me,
+living the life I did, to grudge them the commonest requirements
+of decency!" "Living the life I did!" I avow to you, Tom, the words
+staggered me. Warren Hastings tells us that when Burke concluded his
+terrible invective, that he actually sat for five minutes overwhelmed
+with a sense of guilt; and so stunning was this charge that it took me
+full double as long to rally! for though Mrs. D.'s eloquence may not
+possess all the splendor or sublimity of the great Edmund, there is a
+homely significance, a kind of natural impressiveness, about it not to
+be despised. "Living the life I did," rang in my ears like the words of
+a judge in a charge. It sounded like--"Kenny Dodd, you have been fairly
+convicted by an honest and impartial jury!" and I confess I sat there
+expecting to hear "the last sentence of the law." It was only after some
+interval I was able to ask myself, "what was really the kind of life I
+had been leading." My memory assured me it was a very stupid, tiresome
+existence,--very good-for-nothing and un instructive. It was by no
+means, however, one of flagrant vice or any outrageous wickedness; and I
+could n't help muttering with honest Jack,--
+
+     "If sack and sugar be a sin, God help the wicked!"
+
+The only things like personal amusements I had indulged in being
+gin-and-water and dominoes,--cheap pleasures, if not very fascinating
+ones!
+
+"Living the life I did!" Why, what does the woman mean? Is she
+throwing in my teeth the lazy, useless, unprofitable course of my
+daily existence, without a pursuit, except to hear the gossip of the
+town,--without an object, except to retail it? "Mrs. D.," said I, at
+last, "you are, generally speaking, comprehensible. Whatever faults may
+attach to your parts of speech, it must be owned they usually convey
+your meaning. Now, for the better maintenance of this characteristic,
+will you graciously be pleased to explain the words you have just
+spoken? What do you mean by the 'life I am leading'?" "Not before the
+girls, certainly, Mr. D.," said she, in a Lady Macbeth whisper that made
+my blood curdle.
+
+The mischief was out at once, Tom,--I know you are laughing at it
+already; it's quite true, she was jealous,--mad jealous! Ah, Tom, my
+boy, it 's all very good fun to laugh at Keeley, or Buckstone, or any
+other of those diverting vagabonds who can convulse the house with such
+a theme; but in real life the farce is downright tragedy. There is not a
+single comfort or consolation of your life that is not kicked clean from
+under you! A system of normal agitation is a fine thing, they tell us,
+in politics, but it is a cruel adjunct of domestic life! Everything
+you say, every look you give, every letter you seal, or every note you
+receive, are counts in a mysterious indictment against you, till at last
+you are afraid to blow your nose, lest it be taken for a signal to the
+fat widow lady that is caressing her poodle at the window over the way!
+
+You may be sure, Tom, that I repelled the charge with all the
+indignation of injured innocence. I invoked my thirty years' good
+character, the gravity of my demeanor, the gray of my whiskers; I
+confessed to twenty other minor misdemeanors,--a taste for practical
+jokes, a love of cribbage and long whist; I went further,--I expressed a
+kind of St. Kevenism about women in general; but she cut me short with,
+"Pray, Mr. D., make one exception; do be gallant enough to say that
+there is one, at least, not included in this category of horrors."
+
+"What are you at now?" cried I, almost losing all patience.
+
+"Yes, sir," said she, in a grand melodramatic tone that she always
+reserves for the peroration,--as postilions keep a trot for
+the town,--"yes, sir, I am well accustomed to your perfidy and
+dissimulation. I know perfectly for what infamous purposes abroad your
+family are treated so ignominiously at home; I'm no stranger to your
+doings." I tried to stop her by an appeal to common-sense; she despised
+it. I invoked my age,--egad! I never put my foot in it till then.
+That was exactly what made me the greatest villain of all! Whatever
+veneration attaches to white hairs, it must be owned they get mighty ill
+treated in discussions like the present; at least, Mrs. D. assured me
+so, and gave me to understand that one pays a higher premium for their
+morality, as they do for their life-assurance, as they grow older.
+"Not," added she, as her eyes glittered with anger, and she sidled near
+the door for an exit,--"not but, in the estimation of others, you may be
+quite an Adonis,--a young gentleman of wit and fashion,--a beau of the
+first water; I have no doubt Mary Jane thinks so,--you old wretch!"
+This, in all, and a bang of the door that brought down an oil picture
+that hung over it, closed the scene.
+
+"Mary Jane thinks so!" said I, with my hand to my temples to collect
+myself. Ah, Tom! it would have required a cooler head than mine was at
+that moment to go hunting through the old archives of memory! Nor will I
+torment you with even a narrative of my struggles. I passed that evening
+and the night in a state of half distraction; and it was only when I was
+giving one of our lawyers a check the next morning that I unravelled the
+mystery, for, as I wrote down his name, I perceived it was Marie Jean
+de Rastanac,--a not uncommon Christian name for men, though, considering
+the length and breadth of the masculine calendar; a very needless
+appropriation.
+
+This was "Mary Jane," then, and this the origin of as pretty a conjugal
+flare-up as I remember for the last twelvemonth!
+
+Mrs. D. reminds me of the Opposition, and the Opposition of Vickars. I
+suppose he wants to be a Lord of the Treasury. It's very like what
+old Frederick used to call making a "goat a gardener." What rogues the
+fellows are! You write to them about your son or your nephew, and they
+answer you with some tawdry balderdash about their principles, as if any
+one of us ever believed they were troubled with principles! I'm all for
+fair straightforward dealing. Put James in the Board of Trade, and you
+may cut up the Caffres for ten years to come. Give us something in the
+Customs, and I don't care if New Zealand never has a constitution! 'Tis
+only the fellows that have no families ask questions at the hustings!
+Show me a man that wants _pledges_ from his _representative_, and I 'll
+show you one that has got none from his wife!
+
+And there's Vickars writing to me, as if I was a fool, about all the old
+clap-traps that we used to think were kept for the election dinner; and
+these chaps, like him, always spoil a good argument when they get hold
+of it. Now, when a parson has n't tact enough to write his sermons, he
+buys a volume of Tillotson or Blair, or any other, and reads one out as
+well as he can; but your member--God bless the mark!--must invent his
+own nonsense. How much better if he 'd give you Peel, or Russell, or Ben
+Disraeli in the original! There are skeleton sermons for drowsy curates;
+I wish any one would compose skeleton speeches for the county members.
+You 'll say that I 'm unreasonably testy about these things; but I 've
+got a letter this instant from Vickers, expressing his hope that I 'll
+be satisfied with the view he has taken on the "question of free-labor
+sugar." Did I ever dispute it, Tom? I drink no tea,--I hate sweet
+things, and, except a lump, and that a small one, that I take in my
+tumbler of punch, I never use sugar; and I care no more what 'a the
+color of the man that raises it than I do for the name of the supercargo
+that brought it over. Don't put cockroaches in it, and sell it cheap,
+and I don't care a brass farthing whether it grew in Barbary or
+Barbadoes! Not, my dear Tom, but it's all gammon, the way they discuss
+the question; for the two parties are always debating two different
+issues; one crying out cheap sugar, the other no slavery! and the
+consequence is, they never meet in argument As to the preference Vickars
+insists should be given to free-labor sugar, carry out the principle and
+see what it comes to. I ought to receive eight or ten shillings a barrel
+more for my wheat than old Joe M'Curdy, because _I_ always gave my
+laborers eight-pence a day, and _he_ never went higher than sixpence,
+more often fourpence. Is not that free labor and slavery, just as well
+exemplified as if every man in the barony was a black?
+
+They tell me the niggers won't work if you don't thrash them, and I
+don't wonder, when I think of the heat of the climate; but sure if
+they've more idleness, they ought to get less money; and lastly, I take
+the Abolitionists--bother it for a long word!--on their own ground, and
+are they prepared to say that if you impose a duty on slave sugar, the
+Cubans and the rest of them won't only take more out of the niggers to
+meet "the exigency of the market," as the newspapers call it? If they do
+so, they 'll only be imitating our own farmers since the repeal of the
+corn law. "You must bestir yourselves," says Lord Stanley; "competition
+with the foreigner will demand all your activity. It won't do to go
+on as you used. You must buy guano, take to drainage, study Smith of
+Deanstown, and mind the rotation of your crops." Don't you think that
+some enlightened Cuban will hit upon the same train of argument, and
+make a fresh investment in whipcord? Ah, Tom! these are only party
+squabbles, after all; and so I told Vickars. I don't know why, but it
+always seemed to me that the blacks absorb a very unfair amount of our
+loose sympathies; whether it's the color of them, or that they 're so
+far away, or because they 're naked, I never knew; but certain it is,
+we pity them far more than our own people, and I back myself to get up a
+ladies' committee for a nigger question, before you collect three people
+to hear you discuss a home grievance.
+
+I have just been interrupted to receive Monsieur Jellicot, my defender
+in action No. 3, a suit preferred by my late courier, "Francois
+Tehetuer, born in the canton of Zug, aged thirty-seven years, single,
+and a Protestant, against Monsieur Kenyidod, natif d'Irlande, pres de
+Dublin, dans le Royaume de la Grande Bretagne," &c., &c.; the demand
+being for a year's wages, bed, board, and travelling expenses to his
+native country. He, the aforesaid Francois, having been sent away for a
+disgraceful riot in my house, in which he beat Pat, the other servant,
+and smashed about five-and-twenty pounds' worth of glass and china. A
+very pretty claim, Tom,--the preliminary resistance to which has already
+cost me about one hundred and fifty francs to remove the litigation into
+an upper court, where the bribery is higher, and consequently deemed
+more within the reach of _my_ finances than those of honest Francis!
+
+To tell you all that I think of the rascality of the administration of
+justice here, would lead me into a diffusiveness something like that of
+the pleasant "Memoire" which my advocate has just left me to read, and
+in which, as a measure of defence against an iniquitous demand, I 'm
+obliged to give a short history of my life, with some account of my
+father and grandfather. I made it as brief as I could, and said
+nothing about the mortgages nor Hackett's bond; but even with all my
+conciseness, the thing is very voluminous. The greatest difficulty of
+all is the examination of Paddy Byrne, who, imagining that a law process
+cannot have any other object than either to hang or transport _him_, has
+already made two efforts at escape, and each time been brought back by
+the police. His repugnance to the course of justice has already damaged
+my case with my own defender, who, naturally enough, thinks if _my
+own_ witnesses are so little to my credit, what will be the _opposite_
+evidence? "
+
+Another of my "causes celebres," as Cary calls them,--she is the only
+one of us has a laugh left in her,--is for the assault and battery of
+a certain Mr. Cherry, a little rascal that came one day to tell me
+that Mrs. D. 's appearance struck him as being more fascinating than
+respectable! I kicked him downstairs into the street, and in return he
+has dragged me into the Court of the Correctional Police, where I 'm
+told they 'll maul _me_ far worse than I did him; besides this, I have
+a small interlude suit for a breach of contract, in not taking a lodging
+next an Anatomy School; and lastly, James's duel! I have compromised
+fully double the number, and have received vague threats from different
+quarters, that may either mean being waylaid or prosecuted, as the case
+may be.
+
+So far, therefore, as economy goes, this Continentalizing has not
+succeeded up to this. Instead of living rent free at Dodsborough, with
+our own mutton and turnips, the ducks and peas, that cost us, I may
+say, nothing, here we are, keeping up the price of foreign markets,
+and feeding the foreigners at the expense of our own poor people. If,
+instead of excluding British manufactures from the Continent, Bony had
+only struck out the notion of seducing over here John Bull himself and
+his family, let me assure you, Tom, that he'd have done us far more
+lasting and irreparable mischief. We can do without their markets. What
+between their Zollvereins, their hostile tariffs, and troublesome trade
+restrictions, they have themselves taught us to do without them; and,
+indeed, except when we get up a row at Barcelona, and smuggle five or
+six hundred thousand pounds' worth of goods into Spain, we care little
+for the old Continent; but I 'll tell you what we cannot do without,--we
+cannot do without their truffled turkeys, their tenors, their men-cooks,
+and their dancing-women. French novels and Italian knavery have got a
+fast hold of us; and I doubt much if the polite world of England would
+n't rather see this country cut off from all the commerce of America
+than be themselves excluded from the wicked old cities of Europe!
+
+When I think of myself holding these opinions, and still living abroad,
+I almost fancy I was meant for a Parliamentary life; for assuredly my
+convictions and my actions are about as contradictory as any honorable
+or right honorable gentleman on either side of the House. But so it is,
+Tom. Whatever 's the reason of it I can't tell, but I believe in my
+heart that every Irishman is always doing something or other that he
+doesn't approve of; and that this is the real secret of that want of
+conduct, deficient steadiness, uncertainty of purpose, and all the other
+faults that our polite neighbors ascribe to us, and what the "Times" has
+a word of its own for, and sets shortly down as "Celtic barbarism." And
+between ourselves, the "Times" is too fond of blackguarding us. What's
+the use of it? What good does it ever do? I may throw mud at a man every
+day till the end of the world, but I 'll never make his face the cleaner
+for it!
+
+The same system we used to follow once with America; and at last, what
+with sneering and jibing, we got up a worse feeling between the two
+countries than ever existed in the heat of the war. No matter how stupid
+the writer, how little he saw, or how ill he told it, let a fellow
+come back from the United States with a good string of stories about
+whittling, spitting, and chewing, interlard the narrative with a full
+share of slang, show up Jonathan as a vulgar, obtrusive, self-important
+animal, boastful and ignorant, and I 'll back the book to run through
+its two or three editions with a devouring and delighted public. But
+what would you think of a man that went down to Leeds or Manchester, to
+look at some of our great factories at full work; who saw the evidences
+of our enterprise and industry, that are felt at the uttermost ends
+of the earth; who knew that every bang of that big piston had its
+responsive answer in some far-away land over the sea, where British
+skill and energy were diffusing comfort and civilization,--what, I say,
+would you think of him if, instead of standing amazed at the future
+before such a people, he sat down to chronicle how many fustian jackets
+had holes in them, how many shaved but twice a week, whether the
+overseer made a polite bow, or the timekeeper talked with a strong
+Yorkshire accent?
+
+I tell you, Tom, our travellers in the States did little other than
+this. I don't mean to say that it wouldn't be pleasanter and prettier to
+look at, if all the factory-folk were dressed like Young England,
+with white waistcoats and cravats, and all the young ladies wore silk
+petticoats and white satin shoes; but I'm afraid that, considering the
+work to do, that's scarcely practicable; and so with regard to America,
+considering the work to do,--ay, Tom, and the way they are doing it,--I
+'m not over-disposed to be critical about certain asperities that are
+sure to rub off in time, particularly if we don't sharpen them into
+spikes by our own awkward attempts to polish them.
+
+If I was able, I'd like to write a book about America. I'd like to
+inquire, first, if, seeing the problem that the Yankees are trying to
+solve, the way they have set about it is the best and the shortest? I'd
+like, too, to study what secret machinery combines a weak government
+and a strong people,--the very reverse of what we see in the Old World,
+where the governments are strong and the people weak? I'd like to find
+out, if I could, why people that, for the most part, have formed the
+least subordinate populations of the Old World, behave so remarkably
+well in the New?
+
+In running off into these topics, Tom, I suppose I'm like every one
+else, who, in proportion as his own affairs become embarrassed, takes a
+wonderful interest in those of his neighbors. Half the patriotism in the
+world comes out of the bankruptcy courts.
+
+And, here's Monsieur Gabriel Dulong "for my instructions _in re_
+Cherry," as if to recall me from foreign affairs, and once more bring
+back my wandering thoughts to the Home Office.
+
+Write to me, Tom, and send me money. You have no idea how it goes here;
+and as for the bankers, I never met the like of them! The exchange is
+always against you, and if you want a ten-pound English note, they'll
+make you smart for it.
+
+The more I see of this foreign life, the less I like it. I know that we
+have been unfortunate in one or two respects. I know that it is rash in
+me to speak on so brief an acquaintance with it, but I already dread
+our being more intimate. Mrs. D. is not the woman you knew her. No
+more thrift, no more saving,--none of that looking after trifles that,
+however we may laugh at in our wives, we are right glad to profit by.
+She has taken a new turn, and fancies, God forgive her! that we have
+an elegant estate, and a fine, thriving, solvent tenantry. Wherever the
+delusion came from, I cannot guess; but I 'm certain that the little
+slip of sea between Dover and Calais is the origin of more false notions
+and extravagant fancies than the wide Atlantic.
+
+I have been thinking for some days back that you ought to write me
+a strong letter,--you know what I mean, Tom,--a strong letter about
+matters at home. There's no great difficulty, when a man lives in
+Ireland, to make out a good list of grievances.
+
+Give it to us, then, and let us have our fill of rotten potatoes,
+blighted wheat, runaway tenants, and workhouse riots. Throw in a murder
+if you like, and make it "strong," Tom. Say that, considering the
+cheapness of the Continent, we draw a terrible sight of money, and add
+that you can't imagine what we do with the cash. Put "Strictly private
+and confidential" on the outside, and I 'll take care to be out of the
+way when it comes. You can guess that Mrs. D. will soon open it, and
+perhaps it may give her a shock. Is n't it hard that I have to go about
+the bush in this way? but that's what we 're come to. If I hint a word
+about expense, they look on me as if I was Shylock; and I believe they
+'d rather hear me blaspheme than say the phrase "economy." I think, from
+what I see in James, that he's fretting about this very same thing. He
+did n't say exactly _that_, but he dropped a remark the other day that
+showed me he was grieved by the turn for dress and finery that Mrs. D.
+and Mary Anne have taken up; and one of the nurses that sat up with
+him told me that he used to sigh dreadfully at times, and mutter broken
+expressions about money.
+
+To tell you the truth, Tom, I 'd go back to-morrow, if I could. "And why
+can't you?--what prevents you, Kenny?" I hear you say. Just this, then,
+I haven't the pluck! I couldn't stand the attack of Mrs. D. and her
+daughter. I 'm not equal to it. My constitution is n't what it used to
+be, and I'm afraid of the gout. At my time of life, they say it always
+flies to the heart or to the head,--maybe because there 's a vacancy in
+these places after fifty-six or seven years of age! I see, too, by the
+looks Mrs. D. gives Mary Anne occasionally, that they know this; and she
+often gives me to understand that she does n't wish to dispute with me,
+for reasons of her own. This is all very well, and kindly meant, Tom,
+but it throws me into a depression that is dreadful.
+
+I see by the papers that you've taken up all kinds of "Sanitary
+Questions" at home. As for the health of towns, Tom, the grand thing
+is not to suffer them to grow too big. You're always crying out about
+twelve people sleeping in one room somewhere, and you gave the ages of
+each of them in the "Times," and you grow moral and modest, and I don't
+know what else, about decency, destitution, and so forth; but what's
+London itself but the very same thing on an enlarged scale? It's
+nonsense to fret about a wart, when you have a wen in the same
+neighborhood. Not that I'm sorry to see fine folk taking trouble about
+what concerns the poor, particularly when they go about it sensibly and
+quietly, without any balderdash of little books, and, above all, without
+a ladies' committee. If there 's anything chokes me, it's a
+ladies' committee. Three married women on bad terms with
+their husbands, four widows, and five old maids, all prying,
+pedantic, and impertinent,--going loose about the world with little
+subscription-cards, decrying innocent pleasures, and decoying your
+children's pocket-money,--turning benevolence into a house-tax, and
+making charity like the "Pipe-water." You remark, too, that the pretty
+women won't join these gangs at all. Now and then you may see one take
+out a letter of marque, and cruise for herself, but never in company.
+Seeing the importunity of these old damsels, I often wondered why the
+Government never thought of employing ladies as tax-collectors. He 'd be
+a hardy man who 'd make one or two I could mention call twice.
+
+I have been turning over in my mind what you said about Dodsborough; and
+though I don't like the notion of giving a lease, still it's possible we
+might do it without much danger. "He is an Englishman," you say, "that
+has never lived in Ireland." Now, my notion is, Tom, that if he be
+as old as you say, it's too late for him to try. They're a mulish,
+obstinate, unbending kind of people, these English; and wherever you
+see them, they never conform to the habits of the people. After thirty
+years' experience of Ireland, you'll hear them saying that they cannot
+accustom themselves to the "lies and the climate "! If I have heard that
+same remark once, I've heard it fifty times. And what does it amount to
+but a confession that they won't take the world as they find it. Ireland
+is rainy, there's no doubt, and Paddy is fond of telling you what he
+thinks is agreeable to you,--a kind of native courtesy, just like his
+offering you his potato when he knows in his heart that he can't spare
+it,--but he gives it, nevertheless.
+
+I 'd say, then, we might let him have Dodsborough, on the chance that he
+'d never stay six months there, and perhaps in the mean while we 'd find
+out another Manchester gentleman to succeed him. I remember poor old
+Dycer used to sell a little chestnut mare every Saturday,--nobody ever
+kept her a fortnight,--and when she died, by jumping over Bloody Bridge
+into the Liffey, and killed herself and her rider, Dycer said, "There's
+four-and-twenty pounds a year lost to _me,_"--and so it was too! Think
+over this, and tell me your mind on it.
+
+I believe I told you of the Polish Count that we took with us to
+Waterloo. I met him yesterday with my cloak on him; but really the
+number of my legal embroilments here is so great that I was shy of
+arresting him. We hear a great deal of talk about the partition of
+Poland, and there is an English lord keeps the subject for his own
+especial holdings forth; but I am convinced that the greatest evil
+of that nefarious act lies in having thrown all these Polish fellows
+broadcast over Europe. I wish it was a kingdom to-morrow, if they
+'d only consent to stay there. To be well rid of them and their
+sympathizers, whom I own I like even less, would be a great blessing
+just now. I wish the "Times" would stop blackguarding Louis Napoleon. If
+the French like being bullied, what is that to us? My own notion is that
+the people and their ruler are well met; besides, if we only reflect
+a little on it, we 'll see that anything is better for _us_ than a
+Bourbon,--I don't care what branch! They are under too deep obligations
+to us, and have too often accepted of English hospitality, not to hate
+us; and hate us they do. I believe the first Frenchman that cherishes an
+undying animosity to England is your Legitimist; next to him comes the
+Orleanist.
+
+It's a strange thing, but the more I have to think of about my own
+affairs, and the worse they are going with me, the more my thoughts run
+after politics and the newspapers. I suppose that's all for the best,
+and that if people dwelled too much on their own troubles, their heads
+would n't stand it. You've seen a trick the horse jockeys have when a
+horse goes lame of one foot,--to pinch him a little with the shoe of the
+opposite one; and it's not bad philosophy to practise mentally, and you
+may preserve your equanimity just by putting on the load fairly. And
+so it is I try to divert my thoughts from mortgages, creditors, and
+Chancery, by wondering how the King of Naples will contrive to keep his
+throne, and how the Austrians will save themselves from bankruptcy! I
+know it would be more to the purpose if I turned my thoughts to getting
+Mary Anne married, and James into the Board of Trade; at least, so Mrs.
+D. tells me, and although she is always repeating the old saw about
+"marriages being made in heaven," she evidently does n't wish to give
+too much trouble in that quarter, and would like to lend a hand herself
+to the work.
+
+Jellicot has sent his clerk here to tell me that I have been pronounced
+"Contumacious," for not appearing somewhere, and before somebody that I
+never heard of! Egad! these kind of proceedings are scarcely calculated
+to develop the virtues of humanity! They sent me something I thought
+was a demand for a tax, and it turns out a judge's warrant; for aught I
+know, there may be an order to seize the body of Kenny James Dodd, and
+consign him to the dungeons of the Inquisition! Write to me at once,
+Tom, and above all don't forget the money.
+
+Yours, most faithfully,
+
+K. I. Dodd.
+
+Why does Molly Gallagher keep pestering me about Christy? She wants me
+to get him into the "Grand Canal." I wish they were both there, with all
+my heart.
+
+I open this to say that Vickars has just sent me a copy of his address
+to the "Independent Electors of Bruff." I'd like to see one of them,
+for the curiosity of the thing. He asks me to give him my opinion of the
+document, and the "benefit of my advice and counsel," as if I had not
+been reading the very same productions since I was a child. The very
+phraseology is unaltered. Why can't they hit on something new? He "hopes
+that he restores to them, unsullied, the high trust they had committed
+to his keeping." Egad! if he does so, he ought to get a patent for
+taking out spots, stains, and discolorations, for a dirtier garment than
+our representative mantle has been, would be hard to find. Like all our
+patriots that sit in Whig company, he is sorely puzzled between his love
+for Ireland and his regard for himself, and has to limit his political
+line to a number of vague threats about overgrown Church Establishments
+and Landlord tyranny, not being quite sure how far his friends in power
+are disposed to worry the Protestants and grind the gentry.
+
+Of course be batters up the pastors of the people; but he might as well
+leave _that_ alone; the priests are too cunning for all that balderdash
+nowadays. They'll insist on something real, tangible, and substantial.
+What they say is this: "The landlords used to have it all their own
+way at one time. _Our_ day is come now." And there they're right, Tom;
+there's no doubt of it. O'Connell said true when he told the English,
+"Ye're always abusing me,--and call me the 'curse of Ireland' and the
+destroyer of the public peace,--but wait a bit. I 'll not be five years
+in my grave till you 'd wish me back again." There never was anything
+more certain. So long as you had Dan to deal with, you could make your
+bargain,--it might be, it often was, a very hard one,--but when it was
+once made, he kept the terms fairly and honestly! But with whom will you
+treat _now?_ Is it with M'Hale, or Paul Cullen, or Dr. Meyler? Sure each
+of them will demand separate and specific conditions, and you might as
+well try to settle the Caffre war by a compact with Sandilla, who, the
+moment he sells himself to you, enters into secret correspondence with
+his successor.
+
+I'm never so easy in my mind as when I see the English in a row with the
+Catholics. I don't care a brass farthing how much it may go against
+us at first,--how enthusiastically they may yell "No Popery," burn
+cardinals in effigy, and persecute the nuns. Give them rope enough, Tom,
+and see if they don't hang themselves! There never came a fit of rampant
+Protestantism in England that all the weak, rash, and ridiculous
+zealots did n't get to the head of the movement. Off they go at score,
+subsidizing renegade vagabonds of our Church to abuse us, raking up bad
+stories of conventual life, and attacking the confessional. There
+never were gulls like them! They swallow all the cases of cruelty
+and persecution at once,--they foster every scoundrel, if he's only
+a deserter from us,--ay, and they even take to their fireplaces the
+filthiest novels of Eugene Sue, if he only satisfies their rancorous
+hate of a Jesuit. And where does it end? I'll tell you. Their converts
+turn out to be scoundrels too infamous for common contact; their
+prosecutions fail,--why would n't they, when we get them up
+ourselves?--John Bull gets ashamed of himself; round comes the Press,
+and that's the moment when any young rising Catholic barrister in the
+House can make his own terms, whether it be to endow the true Church or
+to smash the false one!
+
+As for John Bull, he never can do mischief enough when he 's in a
+passion, but he's always ready to pay double the damage in the morning.
+And as for putting "salt on our tails," let him try it with the "Dove of
+Elphin," that 's all.
+
+I was forgetting to tell you that I sent back Vickars's address, only
+remarking that I was sorry not to know his sentiments about the Board of
+Trade. _Ver. sap._
+
+
+
+
+LETTER X. CAROLINE DODD TO MISS COX, AT MISS MINCING'S ACADEMY
+
+BLACK ROCK, IRELAND.
+
+My dear Miss Cox,--I have long hesitated and deliberated with myself
+whether it were not better to appear ungrateful for my silence, than by
+writing inflict you with a very tiresome, good-for-nothing epistle; and
+if I have now taken the worst counsel, it is because I prefer anything
+rather than seem forgetful of one to whom I owe so much as to my dear,
+kind governess. Were I only to tell you of our adventures and mishaps
+since we came abroad, there might, perhaps, be enough to fill half a
+dozen letters; but I greatly doubt if the theme would amuse you. You
+were always too good-natured to laugh at anything where there was even
+one single feature that suggested sorrow; and I grieve to say that,
+however ludicrously many of our accidents might read, there is yet mixed
+with them too much that is painful and distressing. You will say this is
+a very gloomy opening, and from one whom you had so often to chide
+for the wild gayety of her spirits; but so it is: I am sad enough
+now,--sadder than ever you wished to see me. It is not that I am not in
+the very midst of objects full of deep interest,--it is not that I do
+not recognize around me scenes, places, and names, all of which are
+imbued with great and stirring associations. I am neither indifferent
+nor callous, but I see everything through a false medium, and I hear
+everything with a perverted judgment; in a word, we seem to have come
+abroad, not to derive the advantages that might arise from new sources
+of knowledge in language, literature, and art, but to scramble for a
+higher social position,--to impose ourselves on the world for something
+that we have no pretension to, and to live in a way that we cannot
+afford. You remember us at Dodsborough,--how happy we were, how
+satisfied with the world; that is, with our world, for it was a
+very little one. We were not very great folk, but we had all the
+consideration as if we were; for there were none better off than
+ourselves, and few had so many opportunities of winning the attachment
+of all classes. Papa was always known as the very best of landlords,
+mamma had not her equal for charity and kindness, James was actually
+adored by the people, and I hesitate not to say that Mary Anne and
+myself were not friendless. There was a little daily round of duties
+that brought us all together in our cares and sympathies; for, however
+different our ages or tastes, we had but one class of subjects to
+discuss, and, happily, we saw them always with the same light and
+shadow. Our life was, in short, what fashionable people would have
+deemed a very vulgar, inglorious kind of existence; but it was full of
+pleasant little incidents, and a thousand little cares and duties, that
+gave it abundant variety and interest. I was never a quick scholar, as
+you know too well. I have tried my dear Miss Cox's patience sorely
+and often, but I loved my lessons; I loved those calm hours in the
+summer-house, with the perfume of the rose and the sweetbrier around
+us, and the hum of the bee mingling its song with my own not less drowsy
+French. That sweet "Telemachus," so easy and so softly sounding; that
+good Madame de Genlis, so simple-minded when she thought herself most
+subtle! Not less did I love the little old schoolroom of a winter's
+day, when the pattering rain streamed down the windows, and gave, by
+contrast, all the aspect of more comfort within. How pleasant was it, as
+we gathered round the turf fire, to think that we were surrounded with
+such appliances against gloomy hours,--the healthful exercise of happy
+minds! Ah, my dear Miss Cox, how often you told us to study hard, since
+that, once launched upon the great sea of life, the voyage would exact
+all our cares; and yet see, here am I upon that wide ocean, and already
+longing to regain the quiet little creek,--the little haven of rest that
+I quitted!
+
+I promised to be very candid with you, to conceal nothing whatever;
+but I did not remember that my confessions, to be thus frank, must
+necessarily involve me in remarks on others, in which I may be often
+unjust,--in which I am certain to be unwarranted,--since nothing in my
+position entitles me to be their censor. However, I will keep my pledge
+this once, and you will tell me afterwards if I should continue to
+observe it. And now to begin. We are living here as though we were
+people of vast fortune. We occupy the chief suite of apartments at the
+first hotel, and we have a carriage, with showy liveries, a courier, and
+are quite beset with masters of every language and accomplishment you
+can fancy,--expensive kind of people, whose very dress and style bespeak
+the terms on which their services are rendered. Our visitors are all
+titled: dukes, princes, and princesses shower amongst our cards. Our
+invitations are from the same class, and yet, my dear Miss Cox, we feel
+all the unreality of this high and stately existence. We look at each
+other and think of Dodsborough! We think of papa in his old fustian
+shooting-jacket, paying the laborers, and higgling about half a day to
+be stopped here, and a sack of meal to be deducted there. We think of
+mamma's injunctions to Darby Sloan about the price he is to get for the
+"boneens,"--have you forgotten our vernacular for little pigs?--and how
+much he must "be sure to ask" or the turkeys. We think of Mary Anne
+and myself taking our lesson from Mr. Delaney, and learning the
+Quad--drilles as he pronounced it, as the last new discovery of the
+dancing art, and dear James hammering away at the rule of three on an
+old slate, to try and qualify himself for the Board of Trade. And we
+remember the utter consternation of the household--the tumult dashed
+with a certain sense of pride--when some subaltern of the detachment
+at Bruff cantered up to the door and sent in his name! Dear me, how
+the little words 25th Regiment, or 91st, used to make our hearts beat,
+suggestive as they were of gay balls at the Town-hall with red-coated
+partners, the regimental band, and the colors tastefully festooning the
+whitewashed walls. And now, my dear Miss Sarah, we are actually ashamed
+of the contact with one of those whom once it was our highest glory to
+be acquainted with! You may remember a certain Captain Morris, who was
+stationed at Bruff,--dark, with very black eyes, and most beautiful
+teeth; he was very silent in company, and, indeed, we knew him but
+slightly, for he chanced to have some altercation with pa on the bench
+one day, and, as I hear he was all in the right, pa did not afterwards
+forgive him. Well, here he is now, having left the army,--I don't know
+if on half-pay, or sold out altogether,--but here he is, travelling for
+the benefit of his mother's health,--a very old and infirm lady, to whom
+he is dotingly attached. She fretted so much when she discovered that
+his regiment was ordered abroad to the Cape, that he had no other
+resource than to leave the service! He told me so himself.
+
+"I had nobody else in the world," said he, "who felt any interest in my
+fortunes; _she_ had made a hundred sacrifices for me. It was but fair I
+should make one for _her_."
+
+He knew he was surrendering position and prospect forever,--that to him
+no career could ever open again; but he had placed a duty high above all
+considerations of self, and so he parted with comrades and pursuit,
+with everything that made up his hope and his object, and descended to a
+little station of unobtrusive, undistinguished humility, satisfied to be
+the companion of a poor, feeble old lady! He has as much as confessed to
+me that their means are very small. It was an accidental admission with
+reference to something he thought of doing, but which he found to be too
+expensive; and the avowal was made so easily, so frankly, so free from
+any false shame on one side, or any unworthy desire to entrap sympathy
+on the other! It was as if he spoke of something which indeed concerned
+him, but in no wise gave the mainspring to his thoughts or actions! He
+came to visit us here; but his having left the service, coupled with our
+present taste for grand acquaintance, were so little in his favor that
+I believed he would not have repeated his call. An accidental service,
+however, that he was enabled to render mamma and Mary Anne at a railroad
+station the other day, and where but for him they might have been
+involved in considerable difficulties, has opened a chance of further
+intimacy, for he has already been here two mornings, and is coming this
+evening to tea.
+
+You will, perhaps, ask me how and by what chain of circumstances Captain
+Morris is linked with the earlier portion of this letter, and I will
+tell you. It was from him that I learned the history of those high and
+distinguished individuals by whom we are surrounded; from him I heard
+that, supposing us to be people of immense wealth, a whole web of
+intrigue has been spun around us, and everything that the ingenuity and
+craft of the professional adventurer could devise put in requisition to
+trade upon our supposed affluence and inexperience! He has told me of
+the dangerous companions by whom James is surrounded; and if he has
+not spoken so freely about a certain young nobleman--Lord George
+Tiverton--who is now seldom or never out of the house, it is because
+that they have had something of a personal difference,--a serious one,
+I suspect, and which Captain Morris seems to reckon as a bar to anything
+beyond the merest mention of his name. It is not impossible, too, that
+though he might not make any revelations to _me_ on such a theme, he
+would be less guarded with papa or James. Whatever may be the fact, he
+does not advance at all in the good graces of the others. Mamma
+calls him a dry crust,--a confirmed old bachelor. Mary Anne and Lord
+George--for they are always in partnership in matters of opinion--have
+set him down as a "military prig;" and papa, who is rarely unjust in the
+long run, says that "there 's no guessing at the character of a fellow
+of small means, who never goes in debt" This may or may not be true;
+but it is certainly hard to condemn him for an honorable trait, simply
+because it does not give the key to his nature. And now, my last hope
+is what James may think of him, for as yet they have not met. I think
+I hear you echo my words, "And why your 'last hope,' Miss Cary? What
+possible right have you to express yourself in these terms?" Simply
+because I feel that one man of true and honorable sentiments, one
+right-judging, right-feeling gentleman, is all-essential to us abroad!
+and if we reject this chance, I 'm not so sure we shall meet with
+another.
+
+How ashamed I am not to be able to tell you of all I have seen! But so
+it is,--description is a very tame performance in good hands; it is a
+lamentable exhibition in weak ones! As to painters, I prefer Vandyk to
+Rubens; not that I have even the pretence of a reason for my criticism.
+I know nothing, whatever, of what constitutes excellence in color,
+drawing, or design. I understand in a picture only what it suggests to
+my own mind, either as a correct copy of nature, or as originating new
+trains of thought, new sources of feeling; and by these tests Vandyk
+pleases me more than his master. But, shall I own it, there is a class
+of pictures of a far inferior order that gives me greater enjoyment than
+either, I meau those scenes of real life, those representations of some
+little uneventful incident of the every-day world,--an old chemist
+at work in his dim old laboratory; an old house Vrow knitting in her
+red-tiled chamber, the sunlight slanting in, and tipping with an azure
+tint the tortoiseshell cat that purrs beside her; a lover teaching
+his mistress the guitar; an old cavalier giving his horse a drink at a
+fountain. These, in all the lifelike power of Gerard Dow, Teerburgh, or
+Mieris, have a charm for me I cannot express. They are stories, and they
+are better than stories; for oftentimes the writer conveys his meaning
+imperfectly, and oftentimes he overlays you with his explanations,
+stifling within you those expansive bursts of sentiment that ought to
+have been his aim to evoke, and thus, by elaborating, he obliterates.
+Now, your artist--I mean, of course, your great artist--is eminently
+suggestive. He gives you but one scene, it is true, but how full is it
+of the past, and the future too! Can you gaze on that old alchemist,
+with his wrinkled forehead, and dim, deep-set eyes, his threadbare
+doublet, and his fingers tremulous from age? Can you watch that
+countenance, calm but careworn, where every line exhibits the long
+struggle there has been between the keen perceptions of science and the
+golden dreams of enthusiasm, where the coldest passions of a worldly
+nature have warred with the most glorious attributes of a poetic
+temperament? Can you see him, as he sits watching the alembic wherein
+the toil of years is bubbling, and not weave within your own mind the
+life-long conflict he has sustained? Have you him not before you in his
+humble home, secluded and forgotten of men, yet inhabiting a dream-world
+of crowded images? What beautiful stories--what touching little episodes
+of domestic life--lie in the quiet scenes of those quaint interiors;
+and how deep the charm that attaches one to these peaceful spots of home
+happiness! The calm intellectuality of the old, the placid loveliness
+of the young, the air of cultivated enjoyment that pervades all, are in
+such perfect keeping that you feel as though they imparted to yourself
+some share of that gentle, tranquil pleasure that forms their own
+atmosphere!
+
+Oh, my dear Miss Cox! if there be "sermons in stones," there are
+romances in pictures,--and romances far more truthful than the
+circulating libraries supply us with. And, to turn back to real life,
+shall I own to you that I am sadly disappointed with the gay world? I am
+fully alive to all the value of the confession. I appreciate perfectly
+how double-edged is the weapon of this admission, and that I am in
+reality but pleading guilty to my own unfitness for its enjoyments; but
+as I never tried to evade or deny that fact, I may be suffered to give
+my testimony with so much of qualification. When I compare the little
+gratification that society confers on the very highest classes, with the
+heartfelt delight intercourse imparts to the humble, I am at a loss
+to see wherein lies the advantage of all the exclusive regulations of
+fashionable life. Of one thing I feel assured, and that is, that one
+must be bora in a certain class, habituated from the earliest years to
+its ideas and habits, filled with its peculiar traditions, and animated
+by its own special hopes, to conform gracefully and easily to its laws.
+_We_ go into society to perform a part,--just as artificial a one as any
+in a genteel comedy,--and consequently are too much occupied with
+"our character" to derive that benefit from intercourse which is so
+attainable by those less constrained by circumstances. If all this
+amounts to the simple confession that I am by no means at home in the
+great world, and far more at my ease with more humble associates, it is
+no more than the fact, and comes pretty near to what you often remarked
+to me,--that "in criticising external objects one is very frequently but
+delineating little traits and lineaments of one's own nature."
+
+I am unable to answer your question about our future plans; for, indeed,
+they appear anything but fixed. I believe if papa had his choice he
+would go back at once.
+
+This, however, mamma will not hear of; and, indeed, the word Ireland is
+now as much under ban amongst us as that name that is never "syllabled
+to ears polite." The doctors say James ought to pass a month or six
+weeks at Schwalbach, to drink the waters and take the baths; and,
+from what I can learn, the place is the perfection of rural beauty and
+quietude. Captain Morris speaks of it as a little paradise. He is going
+there himself; for I have learned--though not from him--that he was
+badly wounded in the Afghan war. I will write to you whenever our
+destination is decided on; and, meanwhile, beg you to believe me my dear
+Miss Cox's
+
+Most attached and faithful pupil,
+
+Caroline Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XI. MR. DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+
+Dear Tom,--I got the bills all safe, and cashed two of them yesterday.
+They came at the right moment,--when does not money?--for we are going
+to leave this for Germany, one of the watering-places there, the name
+of which I cannot trust myself to spell, being recommended for James's
+wound. I suppose I 'm not singular, but somehow I never was able to
+compute what I owed in a place till I was about to leave it. From that
+moment, however, in come a shower of bills and accounts that one never
+dreamed of. The cook you discharged three months before has never paid
+for the poultry, and you have as many hens to your score as if you were
+a fox. You 've lost the fishmonger's receipts, and have to pay him over
+again for a whole Lent's consumption. Your courier has run up a bill
+in your name for cigars and curacoa, and your wife's maid has been
+conducting the most liberal operations in perfumery and cosmetics, under
+the title of her mistress. Then comes the landlord, for repairs and
+damages. Every creaky sofa and cracked saucer that you have been
+treating for six months with the deference due to their delicate
+condition must be replaced by new ones. Every window that would n't
+shut, and every door that would not open, must be put in perfect order;
+keys replaced, bells rehung. The saucepans, whose verdigris has almost
+killed you with colic, must be all retinned or coppered; and, lastly,
+the pump is sure to be destroyed by the housemaid, and vague threats
+about sinking a new well are certain to draw you into a compromise. Nor
+is the roguery the worst of it; but all the sneaking scoundrels that
+would n't "trouble you with their little demands" before, stand out now
+as sturdy creditors that would not abate a jot of their claims. Lucky
+are ye if they don't rake up old balances, and begin the score with
+"_Restant du dernier compte_."
+
+The moralists say that a man should be enabled to visit the world after
+his death, if he would really know the opinion entertained of him by
+his fellows. Until this desirable object be attainable, one ought to be
+satisfied with the experience obtained by change of residence. There is
+no disguise, no concealment then! The little blemishes of your temper,
+once borne with such Christian charity, are remembered in a more
+chastening spirit; and it is half hinted that your custom was more than
+compensated for by your complaining querulousness. Is not the moral
+of all this that one should live at home, in his own place, where his
+father lived before him, and his son will live after him; where the
+tradespeople have a vested interest in your welfare, and are nearly as
+anxious about your wheat and potatoes as you are yourself? Unlike
+these foreign rascals, that think you have a manufactory of "Hemes and
+Farquhar's circular notes," and can coin at will, your neighbors know
+when and at what times it's no use to tease you,--that asking for money
+at the wrong season is like expecting new peas in December, or grouse in
+the month of May.
+
+I make these remarks in all the spirit of recent suffering, for I have
+paid away two hundred pounds since yesterday morning, of which I was
+not conscious that I owed fifty. And, besides, I have gone through more
+actual fighting--in the way of bad language, I mean--than double the
+money would repay me for. In these wordy combats, I feel I always come
+off worst; for as my knowledge of the language is limited, I 'm like
+the sailor that for want of ammunition crammed in whatever he could lay
+hands on into his gun, and fired off his bag of doubloons against the
+enemy instead of round shot. Mrs. D., too, whom the sounds of conflict
+always "summon to the field," does not improve matters; for if
+her vocabulary be limited, it is strong, and even the most roguish
+shopkeeper does not like to be called a thief and a highwayman! These
+diversions in our parts of speech have cost me dearly, for I have had
+to compromise about six cases of "defamation," and two of threatened
+assault and battery, though these last went no further than
+demonstrations on Mrs. D.'s part, which, however, were quite sufficient
+to terrify our grocer, who is a colonel in the National Guard, and a
+gigantic hairdresser, whose beard is the glory of a "_Sapeur_ company."
+I have discovered, besides, that I have done something, but what it
+is--in contravention to the laws--I do not know, and for which I am
+fined eighty-two francs five centimes, plus twenty-seven for contumacy;
+and I have paid it now, lest it should grow into more by to-morrow,
+for so the Brigadier has just hinted to me; for that formidable
+functionary--with tags that would do credit to a general--is just come
+to "invite me," as he calls it, to the Prefecture. As these invitations
+are like royal ones, I must break off now abruptly.
+
+Here I am again, Tom, after four hours of ante-chamber and audience. I
+had been summoned to appear before the authorities to purge myself of a
+contempt,--for which, by the way, they had already fined me; my offence
+being that I had not exchanged some bit of paper for another bit of
+paper given me in exchange for my passport, the purport of which was to
+show that I, Kenny Dodd, was living openly and flagrantly in the city
+of Brussels, and not following out any clandestine pursuit or object
+injurious to the state, and subversive of the monarchy. Well, I hope
+they 're satisfied now; and if my eighty-two francs five centimes gave
+any stability to their institutions, much good may it do them! This,
+however, seems but the beginning of new troubles; for on my applying to
+have the aforesaid passport _vised_ for Germany, they told me that
+there were two "detainers" on it, in the shape of two actions at law yet
+undecided, although I yesterday morning paid up what I understood to be
+the last instalment for compromising all suits now pending against said
+Kenny I. Dodd. On hearing this, I at once set out for the tribunal to
+see Vanhoegen and Draek, my chief lawyers. Such a place as the tribunal
+you never set eyes on. Imagine a great quadrangle, with archways all
+round crammed full of dirty advocates,--black-gowned, black-faced, and
+black-hearted; peasants, thieves, jailers, tip-staffs, and the general
+public of fruit-sellers and lucifer-matches all mixed up together,
+with a turmoil and odor that would make you hope Justice was as little
+troubled with nose as eyesight. Over the heads of this mob you catch
+glimpses of the several courts, where three old fellows, like the
+figures in a Holbein, sit behind a table covered with black cloth,
+administering the law,--a solemn task that loses some of its imposing
+influence when you think that these reverend seigniors, if wanting in
+the wisdom, are not free from one of the weaknesses of Bacon! By dint of
+great pressing, pushing, and perseverance, I forced my way forward into
+one of these till I reached a strong wooden rail, or barrier, within
+which was an open space, where the accused sat on a kind of bench, the
+witness under examination being opposite to him, and the procureur hard
+by in a little box like a dwarf pulpit I thought I saw Draek in the
+crowd, but I was mistaken,--an easy matter, they all look so much
+alike. Once in, however, I thought I 'd remain for a while and see the
+proceedings. It was a trial for murder, as well as I could ascertain
+the case. The prisoner, a gentlemanlike young fellow of six or seven and
+twenty, had stabbed another in some fit of jealousy. I believe they were
+at supper, or were going to sup together when the altercation occurred.
+There was a waiter in the witness-box giving evidence when I came up;
+and really the tone of deference he exhibited to the prisoner, and the
+prisoner's own off-hand, easy way of interrogating him, were greatly to
+be admired. It was easy to see that he had got many a half-crown from
+the accused, and had not given up hope of many more in future. His chief
+evidence was to the effect that Monsieur de Verteuil, the accused, had
+ordered a supper for two in a private room, the bill of fare offering a
+wide field for discussion, one of the points of the case being whether
+the guest who should partake of the repast was a lady or the deceased;
+and this the advocates on each side handled with wonderful dexterity, by
+inferences drawn from the _carte_. You see, Verteuil's counsel wanted
+to show that Bretigny was an intruder, and had forced himself into the
+company of the accused. The opposite side were for implying that he came
+there on invitation, and was murdered of malice aforethought I don't
+think the point would have been so very material with us; or, at all
+events, that we should have tried to elicit it in this manner; but they
+have their own way of doing things, and I suppose they know what suits
+them. After half an hour's very animated skirmishing, the president,
+with a sudden flash of intelligence, bethought him of asking the accused
+for whom he bespoke the entertainment.
+
+"You must excuse me, Monsieur le President," said he, blandly; "but I 'm
+sure that your nice sense of honor will show that I cannot answer your
+question."
+
+"Tres bien, tres bien," rang through the crowded court, in approbation
+of this chivalrous speech, and one young lady from the gallery flung
+down her bouquet of moss-roses to the prisoner, in token of her
+enthusiastic concurrence. The delicate reserve of the accused seemed to
+touch every one. Husbands and wives, sons and daughters, all appeared
+to feel that they had a vested interest in the propagation of such
+principles; and the old judge who had propounded the ungracious
+interrogatory really seemed ashamed of himself.
+
+The waiter soon after this retired, and what the newspapers next day
+called a _sensation prononcee_ was caused by the entrance of a very
+handsome and showy-looking young lady,--no less a personage than
+Mademoiselle Catinka Lovenfeld, the prima donna of the opera, and the
+Dido of this unhappy AEneid. With us, the admiration of a pretty witness
+is always a very subdued homage; and even the reporters do not like
+venturing beyond the phrase, "here a person of prepossessing appearance
+took her place on the table." They are very superior to us here,
+however, for the buzz of admiration swelled from the lowest benches
+till it rose to the very judicial seat itself, and the old president,
+affecting to look at his notes, wiped his glasses afresh, and took a sly
+peep at the beauty, like the rest of us.
+
+Though, as Macheath says, "Laws were made for every degree," the mode of
+examining witnesses admits of considerable variety. The interrogatories
+were now no longer jerked out with abruptness; the questions were not
+put with the categorical sternness of that frowning aspect which, be
+the lawyer Belgian, French, or Irish, seems an instinct with him; on
+the contrary, the pretty witness was invited to tell her name, she was
+wheedled out of her birthplace coaxed out of her peculiar religious
+profession, and joked into saying something about her age.
+
+I must say, if she had rehearsed the part as often as she had that of
+Norma, she couldn't be more perfect. Her manner was the triumph of ease
+and grace. There was an almost filial deference for the bench, an air
+of respectful attention for the bar, courtesy for the jury, and a most
+touching shade of compassion for the prisoner, and all this done without
+the slightest seeming effort. I do not pretend to know what others felt;
+but as for me, I paid very little attention to the matter, so much more
+did the manner of the inquiry engage me: still, I heard that she was a
+Saxon by birth, of noble parentage, born with the highest expectations,
+but ruined by the attachment of her father to the cause of the Emperor
+Napoleon. The animation with which she alluded to this parental trait
+elicited a most deafening burst of applause, and the tip-staff, a
+veteran of the Imperial Guard, was carried out senseless, overcome by
+his emotions. Ah, Tom! we have nothing like this in England, and strange
+enough that they should have it here; but the fact is, these Belgians
+are only "second-chop" Frenchmen,--a kind of weak "after grass," with
+only the weeds luxuriant! It's pretty much as with ourselves,--the
+people that take a loan of a language never take a lease of the
+traditions! They catch up just some popular clap-traps of the mother
+country, but there ends the relationship!
+
+But to come back to Mademoiselle Catinka. She now had got into a little
+narrative of her youth, in some old chateau on the Elbe, which held the
+Court breathless; to be sure, it had not a great deal to do with the
+case in hand; but no matter for that: a more artless, gifted, lovely,
+and loving creature than she appeared to have been never existed. On
+this last attribute she laid considerable stress. There was, I think, a
+little rhetorical art in the confession; for certainly a young lady who
+loved birds, flowers, trees, water, clouds, and mountains so devotedly,
+might possibly have a spare corner for something else; and even the old
+judge could n't tell if he had not chanced on the lucky ticket in that
+lottery. I wish I could have heard the case out; I'd have given a great
+deal to see how they linked all that Paul and Virginia life with
+the bloody drama they were there to investigate, and what possible
+connection existed between Heck's romances and sticking a man with a
+table-knife. This gratification was, however, denied me; for just as I
+was listening with my greediest ears, Vanhoegen placed his hand on my
+shoulder, and whispered, "Come along--don't lose a minute--_your_ cause
+is on!"
+
+"What do you mean? Have n't I compro--"
+
+"Hush!" said he, warningly; "respect the majesty of the law."
+
+"With all my heart; but what's _my_ cause?--what do you mean by _my_
+cause?"
+
+"It's no time for explanation," said he, hurrying me along; "the judges
+are in chamber,--you'll soon hear all about it."
+
+He said truly; it was neither the fitting time nor place for much
+converse, for we had to fight our way through a crowd that was every
+moment increasing; and it took at least twenty minutes of struggle and
+combat to get out, my coat being slit up to the collar, and my friend's
+gown being reduced to something like bell-ropes.
+
+He did n't seem to think much about his damaged costume, but still
+dragged me along, across a courtyard, up some very filthy stairs, down
+a dark corridor, then up another flight, and, passing into a large
+ante-room, where a messenger was seated in a kind of glass cage, he
+pushed aside a heavy curtain of green baize, and we found ourselves in
+a court, which, if not crowded like that below, was still sufficiently
+filled, and by persons of respectable exterior. There was a dead silence
+as we entered. The three judges were examining their notes, and handing
+papers back and forward to each other in dumb show. The procureur
+was picking his teeth with a paper-knife, and the clerk of the court
+munching a sandwich, which he held in his hat. Vanhoegen, however,
+brushed forward to a prominent place, and beckoned me to a seat beside
+him. I had but time to obey, when the clerk, seeing us in our places,
+bolted down an enormous mouthful, and, with an effort that nearly choked
+him, cried ont, "L'affaire de Dodd fils est en audience." My heart
+drooped as I heard the words. The "affaire de Dodd fils" could mean
+nothing but that confounded duel of which I have already told you. All
+the misfortune and all the criminality seemed to fall upon us. For at
+least four times a week I was summoned somewhere or other, now before a
+civil, now a military auditor; and though I swore repeatedly that I knew
+nothing about the matter till it was all over, they appeared to think
+that if I was well tortured, I might make great revelations. They were
+not quite wrong in their calculations. I would have turned "approver"
+against my father rather than gone on in this fashion. But the
+difficulty was, I had really nothing to tell. The little I knew had
+been obtained from others. Lord George had told me so much as I was
+acquainted with; and, from my old habits of the bench at home, I was
+well aware that such could not be admitted as evidence.
+
+Still it was their good pleasure to pursue me with warrants and
+summonses, and there was nothing for it but to appear when and wherever
+they wanted me.
+
+"Is this confounded affair the cause of my passport being detained?"
+whispered I to Van.
+
+"Precisely," said he; "and if not very dexterously handled, the expense
+may be enormous."
+
+I almost lost all self-possession at these words. I had been a mark for
+legal pillage and robbery from the first moment of my arrival, and it
+seemed as if they would not suffer me to leave the country while I had
+a Napoleon remaining. Stung nearly to madness, I resolved to make one
+desperate effort at rescue, and, like some of those woebegone creatures
+in our own country who insist on personal appeals to a Chief Justice,
+I called, "Monsieur le President--" There, however, my French left me,
+and, after a terrible struggle to get on, I had to continue my address
+in the vernacular.
+
+"Who is this man?" asked he, sternly.
+
+"Dodd pere, Monsieur le President," interposed my lawyer, who seemed
+most eager to save me from the consequences of my rashness.
+
+"Ah! he is Dodd pere," said the president, solemnly; and now he and
+his two colleagues adjusted their spectacles, and gazed at me long and
+attentively; in fact, with such earnestness did they stare that I
+began to feel my character of Dodd pere was rather an imposing kind of
+performance. "Enfin," said the president, with a faint sigh, as though
+the reasoning process had been rather a fatiguing one,--"enfin! Dodd
+pere is the father of Dodd fils, the respondent."
+
+Vanhoegen bowed submissive assent, and muttered, as I thought, some
+little flattery about the judicial acuteness and perspicuity.
+
+"Let him be sworn," said the president; and accordingly I held up my
+hand, while the clerk recited something with a humdrum rapidity that I
+guessed must mean an oath.
+
+"You are called Dodd pere?" said the Attorney-General, addressing me.
+
+"I find I am so called here, but I never was so before," said I, tartly.
+
+"He means that the appellation is not usual in his own country," said
+one of the judges,--a small, red-eyed man, with pock-marks.
+
+"Put it down," observed the president, gravely. "The witness informs us
+that he is only called Dodd."
+
+"Kenny James Dodd, Monsieur," cried I, interrupting.
+
+"Dodd--dit Kenny James," dictated the small judge; and the amanuensis
+took it down.
+
+"And you swear you are the father of Dodd fils?" asked the president.
+
+I suppose that the adage of a wise child knowing his own father cuts
+both ways; but I answered boldly, that I 'd swear to the best of
+my belief,--a reservation, however, that excited a discussion of
+three-quarters of an hour, the point being at last ruled in my favor.
+
+I am bound to say that there was a great deal of legal learning
+displayed in the controversy,--a vast variety of authorities cited,
+from King David downwards; and although at one time matters seemed going
+against me, the red-eyed man turned the balance in my favor, and it was
+agreed that I was the father of my own son. If I knew but all, it might
+have been better for me there had been a hitch in the case. But I am
+anticipating.
+
+There now arose another dispute, on a point of law, I believe, and which
+was, what degree of responsibility--there were fourteen degrees, it
+seems, in the Pandects--I stood in as regarded the present suit. From
+the turn the debate took, I began to suspect we might all of us have
+to plead to our responsibilities in the other world ere it could be
+finished; but the red-eyed man, who seemed the shrewdest of them all,
+cut the matter short by proposing that I should be invited--that's the
+phrase--to say so much as I pleased in the question before the Court.
+
+"Yes, yes," assented the president. "Let him relate the affair." And the
+whole bar and the audience seemed to reecho the words.
+
+You know me well, Tom, and you can vouch for it that I never had any
+objection to telling a story. It was, in truth, a kind of weakness with
+me, and some used to say that I was getting into the habit of telling
+the same ones too often. Be that as it may, I never was accused of
+relating a garbled, broken, and disjointed tale, and for the honor of my
+anecdotic powers, I resolved not to do so.
+
+"My Lord," said I, "I 'm like the knife-grinder,--I have no story!"
+
+Bad luck to my illustration, it took half an hour to show that my
+identity was not somehow mixed up with a wheel and a grinding-stone!
+
+"Let him relate the affair," said the president, once more; and this
+time his voice and manner both proclaimed that his patience was not to
+be trifled with.
+
+"Relate what?" asked I, tartly.
+
+"All that you know,--anything you have heard," whispered Van, who was
+trembling for my rashness.
+
+"My Lord," said I, "of myself I know nothing; I was in bed all the
+time."
+
+"He was in bed all the time," said the president to the others.
+
+"In bed," said red eyes; "let us see;" and he turned over a file of
+documents before him for several minutes. "Dodd pere swears that he was
+in bed from the 7th of February, which is the first entry here, to the
+19th of May, inclusive."
+
+"I swear no such thing, my Lord," cried I.
+
+"What does he swear, then?" asked the small judge.
+
+"Let us hear his own version; tell us unreservedly all that you
+know," said the president, who really spoke as if he compassionated my
+embarrassment.
+
+"My Lord," said I, "there is nothing would give me more pleasure than to
+display the candor you require; but when I assure you that I actually
+know nothing--"
+
+"Know nothing, sir!" interposed the president. "Do you mean to tell this
+Court that you are, and were, in total ignorance of every part of your
+son's conduct,--that you never heard of his difficulties, nor of his
+efforts to meet them?"
+
+"If hearsay be sufficient, then," said I, "you shall have it;" and so,
+taking a long breath, for I saw a weary road before me, I began thus,
+the amanuensis occasionally begging of me a slight halt to keep up:--
+
+"It was about five or six weeks ago, my Lord, we--that is, Mrs. D., the
+girls, James, and myself--made an excursion to the field of Waterloo,
+filled by the very natural desire to see a spot so intimately associated
+with our country's glory. I will not weary you with any detail of
+disappointment, nor deplore the total absence of everything that could
+revive recollections of that great day. In fact, except the big lion
+with his tail between his legs, there is nothing symbolic of the nations
+engaged."
+
+I waited a moment here, Tom, to see how they took this; but they never
+winced, and so I perceived my shell exploded harmlessly.
+
+"We prowled about, my Lord, for two or three hours, and at last reached
+Hougoumont, in time to take shelter against a tremendous storm which
+just then broke over us; and there it was that James accidentally came
+in contact with the young gentleman whom I may not wrongfully call the
+cause of all our misfortunes. It would appear that they began discussing
+the battle, with all the natural prejudices of the two conflicting
+sides. I will not affirm that James was very well read on the subject;
+indeed, my impression is that his stock of information was principally
+derived from a representation he had witnessed by an equestrian troop
+at home, and where Bony, after galloping twice round the circus, throws
+himself on his knees and begs for mercy,--a fact so strongly impressed
+upon his memory that he insisted the Frenchman should receive it as
+historical. The dispute, it would seem, was not conducted within the
+legitimate limits of debate; they waxed angry, and the Frenchman, after
+a fierce provocation, set off into the thickest of the storm rather than
+endure the further discussion."
+
+"This seems to me, sir," interposed the president, "to be perfectly
+irrelevant to the matter before us. The Court accords the very widest
+latitude to explanations, but if they really have no bearing on the
+case in hand,--if, as it appears to my learned brethren and myself,
+this polemic on a battle has no actual connection with your son's
+difficulties--"
+
+"It's the very source and origin of them, my Lord," broke I in. "He has
+no embarrassment which does not date from that incident and that hour."
+
+"In that case you may proceed, sir," said he, blandly; and I went on.
+
+"I do not mean to say, my Lord, that all that followed was inevitable;
+nor that, with cooler heads and calmer tempers, the whole affair could
+not have been arranged; but James is hot, mighty hot,--the Celt is
+strong in him. He really likes a 'shindy,' not like some chaps for the
+notoriety of it,--not because it gets into the newspapers, and makes a
+noise,--but he likes it for itself, and for its own intrinsic merits,
+as one might say. And I may remark here, my Lord, that the Irishman is,
+perhaps, the only man in Europe that understands fighting in this sense;
+and this trait, if rightly considered, will give a strong clew to our
+national character, and will explain the general failure of all our
+attempts at revolution. We take so much diversion in a row that we quite
+forget it's only the means to an end. We have, so to say, so much fun on
+the road that we lose sight of the place we were going to.
+
+"I don't know, Tom, how much further I might have gone on in my
+analytical researches into our national character; but the interpreter
+cut me short, by assuring the Court that he was totally unable to follow
+me. In the narrative parts of my discourse he was good enough; but it
+seemed that my reflections, and my general remarks on men and manners,
+were a cut above him. I was therefore warned to 'try back' to the line
+of my story, which I did accordingly.
+
+"As for the affair itself, my Lord," resumed I, "I understand from
+eyewitnesses that it was most respectably and discreetly conducted.
+James was put up with his face to the west, so that Roger had the sun on
+him. The tools were beauties. It was a fine May morning, mellow, and not
+too bright. There was nothing wanting to make the scene impressive,
+and, I may add, instructive. Roger's friend gave the word--one, two,
+three--bang went both pistols together, and poor James received the
+other's fire just here,--between the bone and the artery, so Seutin
+described it,--a critical spot, I'm sure."
+
+"Dodd pere," said the president, solemnly, "you are trifling with
+the patience of the tribunal!" A grave edict, which the other judges
+responded to by a majestic inclination of the bead.
+
+"If you are not," resumed he, slowly, and with great emphasis,--"if you
+are not a man of weak intellects and deficient reasoning powers, the
+conduct you have pursued is inexcusable,--it is a high contempt!"
+
+"And we shall teach you, sir," said the red-eyed, "that no pretence of
+national eccentricity can weigh against the claims of insulted justice."
+
+"Ay, sir," chimed in number three, who had not spoken before, "and
+we shall let you feel that the majesty of the law in this country is
+neither to be assailed by covert impertinence nor cajoled by assumed
+ignorance."
+
+"My Lords," said I, "all this rebuke is a riddle to me. You asked me to
+tell you a story; and if it be not a very connected and consistent one,
+the fault is not mine."
+
+"Let him stand committed for contempt," said the president. "The Petits
+Carmes may teach him decorum."
+
+Now, Tom, the Petite Carmes is Newgate, no less! and you may imagine my
+feelings at this announcement, particularly as I saw the clerk busily
+taking down, from dictation, a little history of my offence and its
+penalty. I turned to look for Van in my sore distress, and there he was,
+searching the volumes, briefs, and records, to find, as he afterwards
+said, "some clew to what I had been saying."
+
+"By Heaven!" cried I, losing all patience, "this is too bad. You urge
+me into a long account of what I know nothing, and then to rescue _your_
+own ignorance, you declare _me_ impertinent. There is not a lawyer's
+clerk in Ireland, there is no pettifogging practitioner for half-crown
+fees, there's not a brat that carries a blue bag down the Bachelor's
+Walk, could n't teach you all three. You go through some of the forms,
+but you know nothing of the facts of justice. You sit up there, like
+three stucco-men in mourning,--a perfect mockery of--"
+
+I was not suffered to finish, Tom, for, at a signal from the president,
+two gendarmes seized me on either side, and, notwithstanding some
+demonstrations of resistance, led me off to prison. Ay, I must write the
+word again--to prison! Kenny, I, Dodd, of Dod s borough, Justice of
+the Peace, and chairman of the Union of Bruff, committed to jail like a
+common felon!
+
+[Illustration: 142]
+
+I 'm sorry I suffered my feelings to get the better--perhaps I ought to
+say the worse--of me. Now that it's all over, it were better that I had
+not knocked down the turnkey, and kicked Vanhoegen out of my cell. It
+would have been both more discreet and more decorous, to have submitted
+patiently. I know it's what _you_ would have done, Tom, and trusted
+to your action for damages to indemnify you; but I'm hasty, that's the
+fact; and if I wanted to deny it, the state of the jailer's nose, and
+my own sprained thumb, would give evidence against me. But are there
+no allowances to be made for the provocation? Perhaps not for a simple
+assault; but if I had killed the turnkey, I'm certain the jury would
+discover the "circonstances attenuantes."
+
+Partly out of respect to my own feelings, partly out of regard to yours,
+I have not put the words "Petits Carmes" at the top of this letter; but
+truth will out, Tom, and the real fact is that I date the present from
+cell No. 65, in the common prison of Brussels! Is not that a pretty
+confession? Is not that a new episode in this Iliad of enjoyment,
+cultivation, and Heaven knows what besides, that Mrs. D. projected by
+our tour on the Continent? But I swear to you, solemnly, as I write
+this, that, if I live to get back, I'll expose the whole system of
+foreign travel. I don't think I could write a book, and it's hard
+nowadays to find a chap to put down one's own sentiments fairly and
+honestly, neither overlaying them with bits of poetry, nor explaining
+them away by any garbage of his own; so that, maybe, I'll not be able to
+come out hot-pressed and lettered; but if the worst comes to it, I 'll
+go about the country giving lectures. I 'll hire an organ-man to play at
+intervals, and I 'll advertise, "Kenny Dodd on Men and Manners
+abroad--Evenings with Frenchmen, and Nights with Distinguished
+Belgians." I'll show up their cookery, their morals, their modesty,
+their sense of truth, and their notions of justice. And though I well
+know that I 'll expose myself to the everlasting hate of a legion of
+hairdressers, dancing-masters, and white-mice men, I'll do it as sure as
+I live. I have heard you and Peter Belton wax warm and eloquent about
+the disgrace to our laws in permitting every kind of quackery to prevail
+unhindered; but what quackery was ever the equal to this taste for the
+Continent? If people ate Morison's pills like green peas, they would n't
+do themselves as much moral injury as by a month abroad! And if I were
+called before a committee of the House to declare, on my conscience,
+what I deemed the most pernicious reading of the day, I 'd say--Murray's
+Handbooks! I give you this under my hand and seal. That fellow--Murray,
+I mean--has got up a kind of Pictorial Europe of his own, with bits of
+antiquarianism, history, poetry, and architecture, that serves to
+convince our vulgar, vagabondizing English that they are doing a refined
+thing in coming abroad. He half persuades them that it is not for cheap
+champagne and red partridges they 're come, but to see the Cathedral of
+Cologne and the Dome of St. Peter's, till he breeds up a race of
+conceited, ill-informed, prating coxcombs, that disgrace us abroad and
+disgust us at home.
+
+I think I see your face now, and I half hear you mutter, "Kenny's in one
+of his fits of passion;" and you'd be right, too, for I have just upset
+my ink-bottle over the table, and there's scarcely enough left to finish
+this scrawl, as I must reserve a little for a few lines to Mrs. D.
+Apropos to that same, Tom, I don't know how to break it to her that I'm
+in a jail, for her feelings will be terribly shocked at first; not but,
+between you and me, before a year's over, she 'll make it a bitter
+taunt to me whenever we have a flare-up, and remind me that, for all my
+justiceship of the peace, I was treated like a common felon in Brussels!
+
+I believe that the best thing I can do is to send for Jellicot, since
+Vanhoegen and Draek have sent to say that they retire from my cause,
+"reserving to themselves all liberty of future action as regards the
+injury personally sustained;" which means that they require ten pounds
+for the kicking. Be it so!
+
+When I have seen Jellicot, I 'll give you the result of the interview,
+that is, if there be any result; but my friend J. is a lawyer of the
+lawyers, and it is not only that he keeps his right hand on terms of
+distance with his left, but I don't believe that the thumb and the
+forefinger of the same side are ever acquainted. He is very much that
+stamp of man your English Protestants call a Jesuit. God help them,
+little they know what a real Jesuit is!
+
+It's now a quarter to two in the morning, and I sit down to finish this
+with a heavy heart, and certainly no inclination for sleep. I don't know
+where to begin, nor how to tell you, what has happened; but the short of
+it is, Tom, I'm half ruined. Jellicot has been here for hours and gone
+over the whole case; he received the papers from D. and V.; and, indeed,
+everything considered, he has done the thing kindly and feelingly. I
+'m sure my head would n't stand the task of telling you all the
+circumstances; the matter resolves itself simply into this: The "affaire
+de Dodd fils," instead of being James's duel, as I thought, is a series
+of actions against him for debt, amounting to upwards of two thousand
+pounds sterling! There is not an extravagance, from the ballet to the
+betting-book, that he has not tasted; and saddle-horses, suppers,
+velvet waistcoats, jewelry, and gimcracks are at this moment dancing an
+infernal reel through my poor brain.
+
+He has contrived, in less than three months, to condense and concentrate
+wickedness enough for a lifetime; this is technically called "going
+fast." Egad, I should say it's a pace far too quick to last with any
+man, much less with the son of a broken-down Irish gentleman! You would
+not believe that the boy could know the very names of the things that he
+appears to have reckoned as mere necessaries of daily life; and how he
+contrived to raise money and contract loans--a thing that has been a
+difficulty to myself all my life long--is clean beyond me to explain. I
+'ll get a copy of the "claims" and send it over to you, and I feel that
+your astonishment will equal my own. It would appear that the young
+vagabond talked as if the Barings were his next of kin, and actually
+took delight in squandering money! Only think! all the time I believed
+he was hard at work at his French lessons, it was rattling a dice-box
+he was, and his education for the Board of Trade was going on in the
+side-scenes of the opera! Vickars has been the cause of all this. If
+he 'd have kept his promise, the boy wonld n't have been rained with
+rascally companions and spendthrift associates.
+
+Where's the money to come from, Tom? Have you any device in your head to
+get us out of this scrape? I suppose some, at least, of the demands will
+admit of abatement, and Lazarus, they say, always takes a fourth of
+his claim. You can estimate the pleasant game of cross-purposes I was
+playing all yesterday with the Court of Cassation, and what a chaotic
+mass of rubbish the field of Waterloo and the duel must have appeared in
+an action for debt! But why did n't they apprise me of what I was
+there for? Why did they go on with their ridiculous demand, "Racontez
+l'affaire"? Recount what? What should I know of the nefarious dealings
+of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego? They torment me for six weeks by
+a daily examination, till it would be nothing singular if I became
+monomaniac, and could discuss no other theme than a duel and a gunshot
+wound, and then, without the slightest suggestion of a change, they
+launch me into a thing like a Court of Bankruptcy!
+
+It appears that I have been committed for three days for my "contempt,"
+and before that time elapses, there is no 'resource in Belgian law to
+compel them to bring up the body of Kenny Dodd; so that here I must
+stay, "chewing," as the poet says, "the cud of sweet and bitter fancy."
+Not that I have not a great deal of business to transact in this
+interval. Jellicot's papers would fill a cart; besides which, I have in
+contemplation a letter for Mrs. D. that will, I suspect, astonish her. I
+mean briefly, but clearly, to place before her the state we are in,
+and her own share in bringing us to it. I'll let her feel that her own
+extravagance has given the key-note to the family, and that she alone is
+to blame for this calamity. Among the many fine things promised me for
+coming abroad, she forgot to say that I was to be like Silvio Pellico;
+but _I_ 'll not forget it, Tom!
+
+Then, I have an epistle special for James. He shall feel that he has a
+share in the general ruin; for I will write to Vickars, and ask for a
+commission for him in a black regiment, or an appointment in the Cape
+Mounted Rifles,--what old Burrowes used to call the Blessed Army of
+Martyrs. I don't care a jot where he goes! But he 'll find it hard to
+give suppers at four pound a head in the Gambia, and ballet-dancers will
+scarcely be costly acquaintances on the banks of the Niger! And lastly,
+I mean to threaten a return to Ireland! "Only threaten," you say: "why
+not do it in earnest?" As I told you before, I'm not equal to it! I
+'ve pluck for anything that can be done by one effort, but I have not
+strength for a prolonged conflict. I could better jump off the Tarpeian
+rock than I could descend a rugged mountain! Mrs. D. knows this so well
+that whenever I show fight, she lays down her parallels so quietly, and
+prepares for a siege with such deliberation, that I always surrender
+before she brings up her heavy guns. Don't prate to me of pusillanimity
+and cowardice! Nobody is brave with his wife. From the Queen of Sheba
+down to the Duchess of Marlborough, ay, and to our own days, if I liked
+to quote instances, history teaches the same lesson. What chance have
+you with one that has been studying every weak point, and every frailty
+of your disposition, for, maybe, twenty years? Why, you might as well
+box with your doctor, who knows where to plant the blow that will be the
+death of you.
+
+I have another "dodge," too, Tom,--don't object to the phrase, for it's
+quite parliamentary; see Bernai Osborne, _passim_. I 'll tell Mrs. D.
+that I 'll put an advertisement in "Galignani," cautioning the public
+against giving credit to her, or her son, or her daughters; that the
+Dodd family is come abroad especially for economy, and has neither
+pretension to affluence, nor any claim to be thought rich. If that won't
+frighten her, my name is not Kenny! The fact is, Tom, I intend to pursue
+a very brave line of action for the three days I'm "in," since she
+cannot have access to me without my own request. You understand me.
+
+I cannot bring my mind to answer your questions about Dodsborough; my
+poor head is too full of its own troubles. They 've just brought me
+my breakfast,--prison fare,--for in my indignation I have refused all
+other. Little I used to think, while tasting the jail diet at home,
+as one of the visitors, that I'd ever be reduced to eating it on less
+experimental grounds!
+
+I must reserve all my directions about home affairs for my next; but
+bestir yourself to raise this money for us. Without some sort of a
+compromise we cannot leave this; and I am as anxious to "evacuate
+Flanders" as ever was Uncle Toby! Captain Morris told me, the other
+day, of a little town in Germany where there are no English, and where
+everything can be had for a song. The cheapness and the isolation would
+both be very advisable just now. I 'll get the name of it before I write
+next.
+
+By the way, Morris is a better fellow than I used to think him: a little
+priggish or so, but good-hearted at bottom, and honest as the sun. I
+think he has an eye on Mary Anne. Not that at present he 'd have much
+chance in that quarter. These foreign counts and barons give a false
+glitter to society that throws into the shade all untitled gentility;
+and your mere country gentleman beside them is like your mother's
+old silver teapot on a table with a show specimen of Elkington's new
+galvanic plate. Not but if you wanted to raise a trifle of money on
+either, the choice would be very difficult.
+
+I 'll keep anything more for another letter, and now sign myself
+
+Your old and attached friend,
+
+Kenny I. Dodd. Petits Cabmes, Brussels, Tuesday Morning.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XII. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH
+
+Dear Molly,--The blessed Saints only can tell what sufferings I have
+gone through the last two days, and it's more than I 'm equal to, to say
+how it happened! The whole family has been turned topsy and turvy, and
+there's not one of us is n't upside down; and for one like me, that
+loves to live in peace and enmity with all mankind, this is a sore
+trial!
+
+Many 's the time you heard me remark that if it was n't for K. I.'s
+temper, and the violence of his passion, that we 'd be rich and well off
+this day. Time, they say, cures many an evil; but I 'll tell you one,
+Molly, that it never improves, and that is a man's wilful nature; on
+the contrary, they only get more stubborn and cross-grained, and I often
+think to myself, what a blessed time one of the young creatures must
+have had of it, married to some patriarch in the Old Testament; and then
+I reflect on my own condition,--not that Kenny Dodd is like anything in
+the Bible! And now to tell you, if I 'm able, some of my distresses.
+
+You have heard about poor dear James, and how he was shot; but you don't
+know that these last six weeks he has never been off his back, with
+three doctors, and sometimes five-and-thirty leeches on him; and what
+with the torturing him with new-fashioned instruments, and continued
+"repletion," as they call it,--if it had n't been for strong wine-gruel
+that I gave him, at times, "unknownst,"--my sure belief is that he would
+n't have been spared to us. This has been a terrible blow, Molly; but
+the ways of Providence is unscrupulous, and we must submit.
+
+Here it is, then. James, like every boy, spent a little more money than
+he had, and knowing well his father's temper, he went to the Jews to
+help him. They smarted the poor dear child, who, in his innocent heart,
+knew nothing of the world and its wicked ways. They made him take
+all kinds of things instead of cash,--Dutch tiles, paving-stones, an
+altar-piece, and a set of surveying-tools, amongst the rest; and these
+he had to sell again to raise a trifle of cash. Some of them he disposed
+of mighty well,--particularly the altar-piece,--but on others he lost a
+good deal, and, at the end, was a heavy balance in debt. If it had n't
+been for the duel, however, he says he 'd have no trouble at all in
+"carrying on,"--that's his own word, and I suppose alludes to the
+business. Be that as it may, his wound was his ruin. Nobody knew how
+to manage his affairs but himself. It was the very same way with my
+grandfather, Maurice Lynch McCarthy; for when he died there wasn't a
+soul left could make anything of his papers. There was large sums in
+them,--thousands and thousands of pounds mentioned,--but where they
+were, and what's become of them, we never discovered.
+
+And so with James. There he was, stretched on his bed, while villains
+and schemers were working his ruin! The business came into the courts
+here, which, from all I can learn, Molly, are not a bit better than at
+home with ourselves. Indeed, I believe, wherever one goes, lawyers is
+just the same for roguery and rampacity. To be sure, it 's comfort to
+think that you can have another, to the full as bad as the one against
+you; and if there is any abuse or bad language going, you can give it as
+hot as you get it; that's equal justice, Molly, and one of the proudest
+boasts of the British constitution! And you 'd suppose that K. I.,
+sitting on the bench for nigh four-and-twenty years, would know that
+as well as anybody. Yet what does he do?--you 'll not believe me when I
+tell you! Instead of paying one of these creatures to go in and torment
+the others, to pick holes in all he said, and get fellows to swear
+against them, he must stand out, forsooth, and be his own lawyer! And
+a blessed business he made of it! A reasonable man would explain to the
+judges how it all was,--that James was a child; that it was the other
+day only he was flying a kite on the lawn at home; that he knew as much
+about wickedness as K. I. did of paradise; that the villains that led
+him on ought to be publicly whipped! Faith, I can fancy, Molly, it was a
+beautiful field for any man to display every commotion of the heart; but
+what does he do? He gets up on his legs,--I did n't see, but I 'm told
+it,--he gets up on his legs and begins to ballyrag and blackguard all
+the courts of justice, and the judges, and the attorneys, down to the
+criers,--he spares nobody! There is nothing too dreadful for him to say,
+and no words too bad to express it in; till, their patience being all
+run out, they stop him at last, and give orders to have him taken from
+the spot, and thrown into a dungeon of the town jail,--a terrible old
+place, Molly, that goes by the name of the "Petit Careme!" and where
+they say the diet is only a thin sheet of paper above starving.
+
+[Illustration: 152]
+
+And there he is now, Molly; and you may picture to yourself, as the poet
+says, "what frame he's in"! The news reached me when we were going to
+the play. I was under the hands of the hairdresser, and I gave such a
+screech that he jumped back, and burned himself over the mouth with the
+curling-irons. Even that was a relief to me, Molly; for Mary Anne and
+myself laughed till we cried again!
+
+I was for keeping the thing all snug and to ourselves about K. I.;
+but Mary Anne said we should consult Lord George, that was then in the
+house, and going with us to the theatre. They are a wonderful people,
+the great English aristocracy; and if it's anything more than another
+distinguishes them, 't is the indifference to every kind and description
+of misfortune. I say this, because, the moment Lord George heard the
+story, he lay down on the sofa, and laughed and roared till I thought he
+'d split his sides. His only regret was that he had n't been there, in
+the courts, to see it all. As for James's share of the trouble, he said
+it "didn't signify a rush!"
+
+He made the same remark I did myself,--that James was the same as an
+infant, and could, consequently, know nothing of the world and its
+pompous vanities.
+
+"I 'll tell you how to manage it all," said he, "and how you 'll not
+only escape all gossip, but actually refute even the slightest scandal
+that may get abroad. Say, first of all, that Mr. Dodd is gone over to
+England--we 'll put it in the 'Galignani'--to attend his Parliamentary
+duties. The Belgian papers will copy it at once. This being done, issue
+invitations for an evening at home, 'tea and dance,'--that's the way to
+do it. Say that the governor hates a ball, and that you are just taking
+the occasion of his absence to see your friends without disturbing
+_him_. The people that will come to you won't be too critical about
+the facts. Believe me, the gay company will be the very last to inquire
+where is the head of the house. I 'll take care that you 'll have
+everybody worth having in Brussels, and with Latour's band, and the
+supper by Dubos, I 'd like to see who 'll have a spare thought for Mr.
+Dodd the absent."
+
+I own to you, Molly, the counsel shocked my feelings at first, and I
+asked my heart, "What will the world say, if it ever comes out that we
+had our house full of company, and the height of gayety going on, when
+the head of the family was, maybe, in chains in a dungeon?" "Don't you
+perceive," says Lord G., "that what I 'm advising will just prevent the
+possibility of all that,--that you are actually rescuing your family, by
+a master-stroke, from the evil consequences of Mr. D.'s rashness? As
+to the boldness of the policy," added he, "that is the only merit it
+possesses." And then he said something about the firing at St. Sebastian
+above somebody's head, that I didn't quite lightly understand. The
+upshot was, Molly, I was convinced, not, you may be sure, that I felt
+any pleasure or gratification in the prospect of a ball under such
+trying circumstances, but just as Lord G. said, I felt I was "rescuing
+the family."
+
+When we came home, from the play,--for we went with heavy hearts, I
+assure you, though we afterwards laughed a great deal,--we set about
+writing the invitations for "Our Evening;" and although James and Mary
+Anne assisted Lord G., it was nigh daybreak when we were done. You 'll
+ask, where was Caroline? And you might well ask; but as long as I live
+I 'll never forget her unnatural conduct! It is n't that she opposed
+everything about the ball, but she had the impudence to say to my face
+"that hitherto we had been only ridiculous, but that this act would be
+one of downright shame and disgrace." Her language to Lord George was
+even worse, for she told him that his "counsel was a very sorry requital
+for the generous hospitality her father had always extended to him."
+Where the hussey got the words so glibly, I can't imagine; but she, that
+rarely speaks at all, talked away with the fluency of a lawyer. As to
+helping us to address the notes, she vowed she 'd rather cut her fingers
+off; and what made this worse was, that she's the only one of them knows
+the genders in French, and whether a _soiree_ is a man or a woman!
+
+You may imagine the trouble of the next day; for in order to have the
+ball come off before K. I. was out, we were only able to give two days'
+notice. Little the people that come to your house to dance or to sup
+know or think what a deal of trouble--not to say more--it costs to give
+a ball. Lord George tells me that even the Queen herself always gives
+it in another house, so she 's not put out of her way with the
+preparations,--and, to be sure, what is more natural?--and that she
+would n't like to be exposed to the turmoil of taking down beds, hanging
+lustres, fixing sconces, raising a platform for the music, and settling
+tables for the supper. I 'm sure and certain, if she only knew what it
+was to pass such a day as yesterday was with me, she 'd never have a
+larger party than that lord that's always in waiting, and the ladies of
+the bedroom! As for regular meals, Molly, we had none. There was a ham
+and cold chickens in the lobby, and a veal pie and some sherry on the
+back stairs; and that's the way we breakfasted, dined, and supped. To
+be sure, we laughed heartily all the time, and I never saw Mary Anne in
+such spirits. Lord George was greatly struck with her,--I saw it by his
+manner,--and I would n't be a bit surprised if something came of it yet!
+
+I have little time to say more now, for I 'm called down to see the
+flowerpots and orange-trees that's to line the hall and the stairs; but
+I 'll try and finish this by post hour.
+
+As I see that this cannot be despatched to-day, I 'll keep it over,
+to give you a "full and true" account of the ball, which Lord George
+assures me will be the greatest _fete_ Brussels has seen this winter;
+and, indeed, if I am to judge from the preparations, I can well believe
+him! There are seven men cooks in the kitchen making paste and drinking
+sherry in a way that's quite incredible, not to speak of an elderly man
+in my own room that's doing the M'Carthy arms in spun-sugar for a temple
+that is to represent Dodsborough, in the middle of the table, with K.
+I. on the top of it, holding a flag, and crying out something in French
+that means welcome to the company. Poor K. I., 'tis something else he's
+thinking of all the time!
+
+Then, the whole stairs and the landing is all one bower of camellias
+and roses and lilies of the valley, brought all the way from Holland for
+another ball, but, by Lord George's ingenuity, obtained by us. As for
+ice, Molly, you 'd think my dressing-room was a Panorama of the North
+Pole; and there's every beast of that region done in strawberries or
+lemon, with native creatures, the color of life, in coffee or chocolate.
+The music will be the great German Brass Band, fifty-eight performers,
+and two Blacks with cymbals. They 're practising now, and the noise
+is dreadful! Carts are coming in every moment with various kinds of
+eatables, for I must tell you, Molly, they don't do things here the
+way we used at Dodsborough. Plenty of cold roast chickens, tongues, and
+sliced ham, apple-pies, tarts, jelly, and Spanish flummery, with Naples
+biscuits and a plum-cake, is a fine supper in Ireland; and if you begin
+with sherry, you can always finish with punch: but here there's nothing
+that ever was eaten they won't have. Ice when they 're hot, soup when
+they 're chilly, oyster patties and champagne continually during
+the dancing, and every delicacy under the sun afterwards on the
+supper-table.
+
+There's nothing distresses me in it all but the Polka, Molly. I can't
+learn it. I always slide when I ought to hop, and where there 's a hop
+I duck down in spite of me! And whether it's the native purity of an
+Irishwoman, or that I never was reared to it, I can't say; but the
+notion of a man's arm round me keeps me in a flutter, and I 'm always
+looking about to see how K. I. bears it. I suppose, however, I 'll get
+through it well enough, for Lord George is to be my partner; and as I
+know K. I.'s "safe," my mind is more easy.
+
+Perhaps it's the shortness of the invitation, but there's a great many
+apologies coming in. The English Ambassador won't come. Lord G. says
+it's all the better, for the Tories are going out, and it will be a
+great service to K. I. with the Whigs if it's thought he did n't invite
+him! This may be true, but it's no reason in life for the Austrian, the
+French, the Prussian, and the Spanish Ministers sending excuses.
+Lord George, however, thinks it's the terrible state of the Continent
+explains it all, and the Despotic Powers are so angry with Lord Dudley
+Stuart and Roebuck that they like to insult the English! If it be so,
+they haven't common-sense. Kenny James has taken a turn with all their
+parties, and much good it has done him!
+
+Lord G. and Mary Anne are in high spirits, notwithstanding these
+disappointments, for "the Margravine" is coming,--at least, so he
+tells me; but whether the Margravine be a man or woman, Molly, or only
+something to eat, I don't rightly know, and I 'm ashamed to ask.
+
+I have just been greatly provoked by a visit from Captain Morris, who
+called twice this morning, and at last insisted on seeing me. He came to
+entreat me, he says, "if not to abandon, at least to put off, our
+ball till Mr. Dodd's return." I tried to browbeat him, Molly, for his
+impertinent interference, but it would n't do; and he showed me that he
+knew perfectly well where K. I. was,--a piece of information that, of
+course, he obtained from Caroline. Oh, Molly dear, when one's own flesh
+and blood turns against them,--when children forget all the lessons you
+'ve been teaching them from infancy,--it's a sore, sore trial! Not but I
+have reason to be thankful. Mary Anne and James are like part of
+myself; nothing mean or little-minded about _them_, but fine, generous,
+confiding creatures,--happy for to-day, hopeful for to-morrow!
+
+When I mentioned to Lord G. what Morris came about, he only laughed, and
+said, "It was a clever dodge of the half-pay,--he wanted an invitation;"
+and I see now that such must have been his object. The more one sees of
+mankind, the greater appears their meanness; and in my heart I feel how
+unsuited guileless, simple-hearted creatures like myself are to combat
+against the stratagems and ambuscades of this wicked world. Not that
+little Morris will gain much by his morning's work, for Mary Anne says
+that Lord George will never suffer him to get on full pay as long as he
+lives. "A friend in need is a friend indeed," Molly, more particularly
+when he's a lord.
+
+The Margravine is a princess, Molly. I 've just found it out; for James
+is to receive her at the foot of the stairs, Mary Anne and myself on
+the lobby. Lord G. says she must have whist at half-"Nap." points, and
+always play with her own "Gentleman-in-Waiting." She never goes out on
+any other conditions. But he says, "She 's cheap even at that price, for
+an occasion like the present;" and maybe he's right.
+
+No more now, for my gown is come to be tried on.
+
+*****
+
+*****
+
+Dear Molly, I'll try and finish this, since, maybe, it's the last lines
+you 'll ever receive from your attached friend. Three days have elapsed
+since I put my hand to paper, and three such days, I 'll be bound, no
+human creature ever passed. Out of one fit of hysterics into another,
+and taking the strongest stimulants, with no more effect than if
+they were water! My screeches, I am told, were dreadful, and there 's
+scarcely one of the family can't show the mark of my nails; and this is
+what K. I. has brought me to. _You_ know well what I used to suffer
+from him at Dodsborough, and the terrible scenes we always had when
+the Christmas bills came in; but it's all nothing, Molly, to what has
+happened here. But as my Uncle Joe said, no good ever came out of a
+"mess-alliance."
+
+My moments are few so I 'll be brief. The ball was beautiful, Molly;
+there never was the like of it for elegance and splendor! For great
+names, rank, fashion, beauty, and jewels, it was, they tell me, far
+beyond the Court, because we had a great many people who, from political
+reasons, refuse to go to Leopold, but who had no prejudices against your
+humble servant; for, strange enough, they have Orangemen here as well
+as in Ireland! Princes, dukes, counts, and generals came pouring in, all
+shining with stars and crosses, blue and red ribbons, and keys worked
+on their coat-tails, till nearly twelve o'clock. There were, then,
+nigh seven hundred souls in the house, eating, dancing, drinking, and
+enjoying themselves; and a beautiful sight it was: everybody happy, and
+thinking only of pleasure. Mary Anne looked elegant, and many remarked
+that we must be sisters. Oh dear, if they only saw me now!
+
+There was a mazurka that lasted till half-past one, for it's a dance
+that everybody must take out each in turn, and you 'd fancy there was
+no end to it, for, indeed, they never do seem tired of embracing and
+holding each other round the waist; but Lord George came to say that the
+Margravine had finished her whist and wanted her supper, so down we must
+go at once.
+
+James was to take her Supreme Highness, and the Prince of Dammiseisen--a
+name that always made me laugh--was to take me; but he is a great man
+in Germany, and had a kingdom of his own till he was "modified" by
+Bonaparte, which means, as Lord George says, that "he took it out in
+money." But why do I dwell on these things? Down we went, Molly,--down
+the narrow stairs,--for the supper was laid out below; and a terrible
+crush it was, for, strange as it may seem, your grand people are just as
+anxious to get good places as any; and I saw a duke fighting his way in,
+just like old Ted Davis at Dodsborough!
+
+When we came to the last flight of stairs, the crowd was awful, and the
+banisters creaked, and the wood-work groaned, so that I thought it was
+going to give way; and instead of James moving on in front, he pressed
+back upon us, and increased the confusion, for we were forced forward by
+hundreds behind us.
+
+"What's the matter, James?" said I. "Why don't you goon?"
+
+"I 'd rather be excused," said he. "It 's like Donnybrook Fair, down
+there,--a regular shindy!"
+
+It was no less, Molly; for although the hall was filled with servants,
+there were two men armed with sticks, laying about them like mad, and
+fighting their way towards the supper-room.
+
+"Who are those wretches?" cried I; "why don't they turn them out?"
+
+The words weren't well out, my dear Molly, when the door gave way, and
+the two, trampling down all before them, passed into the room. From that
+moment it was crash after crash! Lamps, lustres, china, glass, plates,
+dishes, fruit, and confectionery flying on all sides! In less time than
+I 'm writing it, the table was cleared, and of the elegant temple there
+wasn't a bit standing. I just got inside the door to see the McCarthy
+arms in smithereens! and K. I.--for it was him!--dancing over them, with
+that little blackguard Paddy Byrne smashing everything round him! I went
+off into fits, Molly, and never saw more; and, indeed, I wish with all
+my heart that I never came to again, if what they tell me be only true.
+K. I., it seems, no sooner demolished the supper than he set to work on
+the company. He snatched off the Margravine's wig, and beat her with it,
+kicking Dammiseisen and two other princes into the street. They say that
+many of the nobility leaped out of the first-pair windows, and one fat
+old gentleman, a chamberlain to the King of Bavaria, was caught by a
+lamp iron, and hung there for twenty minutes, with a mob shouting round
+him!
+
+This all came of the Belgians letting out K. I. at one o'clock, which,
+according to their reckoning, was the end of his three days.
+
+I 'm getting another attack, so I must conclude. We left Brussels the
+next morning, and arrived here the same night. I don't know where we are
+going, and I don't care. K. I. has never had the face to come near me
+since his infamous conduct, and I hope, for the little time I may be
+spared on this side of the grave, not to see him again. Mary Anne is in
+bed, too, and nearly as bad as myself; and as for Caroline, I wouldn't
+let her into the room! Lord George took James away to his own lodgings
+till K. I. learns to behave more like a Christian; but when that may be
+is utterly beyond
+
+Your afflicted and disgraced friend,
+
+Jemima Dodd.
+
+
+Hotel d'Angleterre, Liege.
+
+Dear Molly, I open this to say that I have made my will; for, if Divine
+Providence doesn't befriend me, your poor Jemima will be in paradise
+before this reaches you! I have left you my black satin with the bugles,
+and my brown bombazine, which, when it is dyed, will be very nice
+mourning for common wear. I also bequeath to you the things you 'll find
+in the oak press in my own room, and ten silver spoons, and a fish-knife
+marked with the McCarthy arms, which, not to be too particular, I have
+put down in the will as "plate and linen." I leave you, besides, my book
+of "Domestic Cookery," "The Complete Housewife," and the "Way to Glory,"
+by St. Francis Xavier. There are marks all through them with my own
+pen; and be particular to observe the receipt for snow pancakes, and the
+prayers for a "Plenary" after Candlemas.
+
+It will be a comfort to your feelings to know that I am departing from
+this life in peace and charity with every one. Tell Mat I forgive him
+the fleece he stole out of the hayloft; and though he swears still he
+never laid hand on it, who else was there, Molly? You can give Kitty
+Hogan the old shoes in the closet, for, though she never wears any, she
+'d like to have them for keepsakes! K. I. cared too little for my peace
+here to suppose that he will think of my repose hereafter, so that
+Father John can take the yearling calf and the two ewes out in masses!
+My feelings is overcoming me, Molly, and I can't go on!--breathing my
+last, as I am, in a far-away land, and sinking under the cruelty of a
+hard-hearted man!
+
+I think it would only be a decent mark of respect to my family if the
+M'Carthy arms was hung up over the door, to show I was n't a Dodd. The
+crest is an angel sheltering a fox, or a beast like a fox, under his
+wing; but you 'll see it on the spoons. When you sell the piggs--maybe I
+ought n't to put two g's in them, but my head is wandering--pay old
+Judy Cobb two-and-sevenpence for the yarn, and say that I won't stop the
+ninepence out of Betty's wages. Maybe, when I 'm gone, they 'll begin to
+see what they 've lost, and maybe E. I. will feel it too, when he finds
+no buttons on his shirts and the strings out of his waistcoat; and
+what's far worse, nobody to contradict him, and control his wilful
+nature! That's the very struggle that's killing me now! Nobody knows,
+nor would believe, the opposition I 've given him for twenty years. But
+_he_ 'll feel it, Molly, and that before I'm six weeks in the grave.
+
+I don't know my age to a day or a month, but you can put me down at
+thirty-nine, and maybe the "Blast of Freedom" would say a word or
+two about my family. I 'd like that far better than to be "deeply
+regretted," or "to the inexpressible grief of her bereaved relations."
+
+I have made it a last request that my remains are to be sent home, and
+as I know K. I. won't go to the expense, he'll have to bear all the
+disgrace of neglecting my dying entreaty. That's my legacy to him,
+Molly; and if it's not a very profitable one, the "duty" will not be
+heavy.
+
+Remember me affectionately to everybody, and say that to the last my
+heart was in my own country; and indeed, Molly, I never did hear so much
+good about Ireland as since we left it!
+
+I have just taken a draught that has restored me wonderfully. It has a
+taste of curacoa, and evidently suits my constitution. Maybe Providence,
+in his mercy, means to reserve me for more trials and misfortunes; for
+I feel stronger already, and am going to taste a bit of roast duck, with
+sage and onions. Betty has done it for me herself.
+
+If I do recover, Molly, I promise you K. I. won't find me the poor
+submissive worm he has been trampling upon these more than twenty years!
+I feel more like myself already; the "mixture" is really doing me good.
+
+You may write to me to this place, with directions to be opened by Mary
+Anne, if I 'm no more. The very thought of it overwhelms me. The idea of
+one's own death is the most terrible of all afflictions; and as for me,
+I don't think I could ever survive it.
+
+I mean to send for K. I., to take leave of him, and forgive him,
+before I go. I 'm not sure that I 'd do so, Molly, if it wasn't for the
+opportunity of telling him my mind about all his cruelty to me, and that
+I know well what he's at, and that he'll be married again before six
+months. That's the treachery of men; but there's one comfort,--they are
+well paid off for it when they marry--as they always do--some young minx
+of nineteen or twenty. It's exactly what K. I. is capable of; and I mean
+to show him that I see it, and all the consequences besides.
+
+The mixture is really of service to me, and I feel as if I could take a
+sleep. Mary Anne will seal this if I 'm not awake before post hour. #
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XIII. FROM K. I. DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+
+Liege, Tuesday Evening.
+
+My dear Tom,--Your reproaches are all just, but I really have not had
+courage to wield a pen these last three weeks, nor have I now patience
+to go back on the past. Perhaps when we meet--if ever that good time
+is to come round again--I may be able to tell you something of my final
+exit from Brussels; but now with the shame yet fresh, and the disgrace
+recent, I cannot find pluck for it.
+
+Here we are at what they call the "Pavilion," having changed from the
+Hotel d'Angleterre yesterday. You must know, Tom, that this same city
+of Liege is the noisiest, most dinning, hammering, hissing, clanking,
+creaking, welding, smelting, and furnace-roaring town in Europe.
+Something like a hundred thousand tinkers are at work every day; and
+from an egg saucepan to a steam-boiler there is something to be hammered
+at by every capacity!
+
+You would say that tumult like this might satisfy the most craving
+appetite for uproar; but not so: the Liegeois are regular gluttons for
+noise, and they insist upon having Verdi's new opera of "Nabuchodonosor"
+performed at their great theatre. Now, this same theatre is exactly
+in front of the Hotel d'Angleterre, so that when, by dint of time,
+patience, and a partial dulness of the acoustic nerves, we were getting
+used to steam-factories and shot-foundries, down comes Verdi on us,
+with a din and clangor to which even the works of Seraing were like
+an _AEolian_ harp! Now, of all the Pretenders of these days of especial
+humbug, with our "Long ranges," Morison's pills and Louis Napoleons, I
+don't think you could show me a greater charlatan than this same Verdi.
+I don't pretend to know a bit about music; I only knew two tunes all my
+life, "God save the King" and "Patrick's Day," and these only because
+we used to stand up and take off our hats to them in the Dublin theatre;
+but modulated, soft sounds have always had their effect on me, and I
+never heard a country girl singing as she beetled her linen beside a
+river's bank, or listened to the deep bay of an old fox-hound of a clear
+winter's morning, without feeling that there was something inside of
+me somewhere that responded to the note. But this fellow is all
+marrow-bones and cleavers! Trumpets, drums, big fiddles, and bassoons
+are the softest things he knows. I take it as a providential thing that
+his music cracks every voice after one season; for before long
+there will be nobody left in Europe to sing him, except it be the
+steam-whistle of an express-train!
+
+But we live in strange times, Tom, that's the fact. The day was when
+our operas used to be taken from real life,--or what authors and poets
+thought was real life. We had the "Maid of the Mill," and the "Duenna,"
+and "Love in a Village," and a score more, pleasant and amusing enough;
+and except that there was nothing wrong or incomprehensible in them,
+perhaps they might have stood their ground. There was the great failure,
+Tom; everybody could understand them, and nobody need be shocked. Now,
+the taste is, puzzle a great many, and shock every one!
+
+A grand opera now must be from the Old Testament. Not even drums and
+kettle-drums would save you, if you haven't Moses or Melchisedek to
+sit down in white raiment, and see some twenty damsels, with petticoats
+about as long as a lace ruffle, capering and attitudinizing in a way
+that ought to make even a patriarch blush. Now, this is all wrong,
+Tom. The public might be amused without profanity, and even the most
+inveterate lover of dancing needn't ask David and Uriah for a _pas
+de deux_. And now, let me remark to you, that a great deal of that
+so-much-vaunted social liberty abroad is neither more nor less than this
+same latitude with respect to any and every thing. We at home were
+bred up to believe that good-breeding mainly consists in a certain
+reserve,--a cautious deference not alone for the feelings, but even the
+prejudices of others; that you have no right to offend your neighbor's
+sense of respect for fifty things that you held cheaply yourself. They
+reverse all this here. Everybody talks to you of yourself, ay, and of
+your wife and your mother, as frankly as though they were characters
+of the heathen mythology: they treat you like a third party in these
+discussions, and very likely it was a practice of this kind originally
+suggested the phrase of being "beside oneself."
+
+You'll perhaps remark that my tone is very low and depressed, Tom; and I
+own to you I feel so. For a man that came abroad to enjoy himself, I am,
+to say the least, going a mighty strange way about it. The most rigid
+moralist couldn't accuse me of my epicurism, for I seem to be husbanding
+my Continental pleasures with a laudable degree of self-denial. Would
+you like a peep at us? Well, Mrs. D. is over there in No. 19, in bed
+with fourteen leeches on her temples, and a bottle as big as a black
+jack of camphor and sal-volatile beside her as a kind of table beverage;
+Mary Anne and Caroline are somewhere in the dim recesses of the same
+chamber, silent, if they 're not sobbing; James is under lock and key in
+No. 17, with Ollendorff's Method, and the Gospel of St. John in French;
+and here am I, trying to indite a few lines, with blast furnaces and
+brass instruments baying around me, and Paddy Byrne cleaning knives
+outside the door!
+
+[Illustration: 168]
+
+Mrs. D.'s attack is not serious, but it is very distressing. She has got
+the notion into her head that foreign apothecaries have a general pardon
+for poisoning, and so she requires that some of us should always take
+part of her physic before she touches it. The consequence is that I
+have been going through a course of treatment that would have pushed an
+elephant rather hard. I can stand some things pretty well; but what they
+call refrigerants, Tom, play the devil with me! and I am driven to
+brandy and water to an extent that I can scarcely call myself quite
+sober at any time of the day. Were we at home in Dodsborough, there
+would be none of this; so that here, again, is another of the blessings
+of our foreign experiences! Ah, Tom! it's all a mistake from beginning
+to end. You would n't know your old friend if you saw him; and although
+they've padded me out, and squeezed me in, I 'm not the man I used to
+be!
+
+You tell me that I'm not to expect any more money till November; but you
+forgot to tell me how I 'm to live without it. We compromised with the
+Jews for fifteen hundred.
+
+Our "extraordinaries," as the officials would call them, amounted to
+three more; so that, taking all things into account, we have been living
+since April last at a trifle more than eleven thousand a year. It's a
+mercy that when they sell a man out by the Encumbered Estates Court,
+they ask no impertinent questions about how he contracted his debts. I
+'d cut a sorry figure under such an examination.
+
+We have begun the economy, Tom, and I hope that even you will be
+satisfied; for although this place is detestable to me, here I 'll stay,
+if my hearing can stand it, till winter. Mary Anne says we might as well
+be in Birmingham, and my reply is, I'm quite ready to go there! I own to
+you I have a kind of diabolical delight in seeing them all nonplussed.
+There are neither dukes nor marquises here, neither princesses nor
+ballet-dancers! The most reckless spendthrift could only ruin himself in
+steam-boilers, gun-barrels, and kitchen-rauges; there's nothing softer
+than cast-iron in the whole town.
+
+Our rooms are in the third story. James and I dine at the public table.
+Our only piece of extravagance is the doctor that attends Mrs. D.; and
+if you saw him, you 'd scarcely give him the name of a luxury! I needn't
+say that there is very little pleasure in all this; indeed, for anything
+_I_ see, I think we might be leading the same kind of life in Kilmainham
+Jail; and perhaps at last they 'll see this themselves, and consent to
+return home.
+
+I go out for an hour's walk every day, but it does me little good. My
+usual stroll is to a shot factory, and back by a patent bolt and rivet
+establishment; but this avoids the theatre, for I own to you Nabucco,
+as they call him for shortness, shouts in a manner that makes me quite
+irritable.
+
+James never leaves his room; he's studying hard at last; and although
+his health would be the better for a little exercise, I 'll just leave
+him to himself. It's right he should pay some penalty for his late
+conduct. As for the girls, Mary Anne is indignant with me, and only
+comes to say good-morning and good-night; and Cary, though she tries
+to look cheerful and happy, is evidently fretting in secret. Betty Cobb
+takes less trouble to repress her feelings, and goes howling about the
+hotel like a dog run over by the mail, and is always getting accompanied
+by strange and inquisitive travellers, who insist upon hearing her
+sorrows, and occasionally push their inquiries even as far as my room!
+
+Paddy Byrne alone appears to have taken a philosophical view of his
+position, for he has been drunk ever since we arrived. He usually sleeps
+in the hall, on the stairs, or the lobbies; and although this saves the
+cost of a bedroom, the economy is counterbalanced by occasional little
+reprisals he takes, as stray gentlemen stumble over him with their
+bedroom candles. At such moments he smashes lamps and china ornaments,
+for which his wages will require a long sequestration to clear off. And
+now a word about home. Our English tenant, you tell me, is getting
+tired of Dodsborough; we guessed how it would be already. "He thinks the
+people lazy"! Ask him, did he ever try to cut turf, with two meals of
+wet potatoes per diem? "They are bigoted and superstitious too." How
+much better would they be if they knew all about Lord Rosse's telescope?
+"They won't give up their old barbarous ways." Is n't that the very
+boast of the Conservative party? Is n't that what Disraeli is preaching
+every day and every hour?--"Fall back upon this,--fall back upon
+that,--think of the spirit of your ancestors." Now they say, our
+ancestors yoked their horses by the tails to save a harness. It's rather
+hard that all the "progress," as they call it, must begin with the poor.
+It's a dead puzzle to me, Tom, to explain one thing. All the moralists,
+from the earliest ages, keep crying up humility, and telling you that
+true nobility of soul consists in self-denial and moderation, simple
+tastes, and so on; and yet, what is the great reproach they bring
+against Paddy? Is n't it that he is satisfied with the potato? There's
+the head and front of his offence. That he does n't want beef, like the
+Englishman,--nor soup and three courses, like "Mounseer"--nor sauerkraut
+and roast veal, like a German; "cups and cold water" being the food of a
+fellow that could thrash the whole three of them all round, and think it
+mighty good fun besides.
+
+Poor Dan used to say that he was the best abused man in Europe: but
+I 'll tell you that the potato is the best abused vegetable in the
+universal globe. From the "Times" down to the Scotch farmers, it's one
+hue-and-cry after it,--"The filthy root"--"The disgusting tuber,"--"The
+source of all Irish misery,"--"The father of famine, and mother of
+fever,"--on they go, blackguarding the only food of the people, till at
+last, as if it were a judgment on their bad tongues, it took to rot in
+the ground, and left us with nothing to eat. Now, Tom, you know as well
+as myself, Ireland is not a wheat country; it's one year in three that
+we can raise a crop of it; for our climate is as treacherous as the
+English Government. I hope you would n't have us live on oats, like the
+Scotch; nor on Indian com, like the savages; so what is there like the
+potato? And then, how easy the culture, and how simple the cookery! It
+does well in every soil, and agrees well with every constitution.
+It feeds the peasant, it fattens the pig, it rears the children, and
+supports the chickens. What can compare with that?
+
+Do you know that there's no cant of the day annoys me more than that cry
+about model farming, and green crops, and rotations, and subsoiling, and
+so on. The whole ingenuity of mankind would seem devoted to ascertaining
+how much a bullock can eat, and how little will feed a laborer.
+Stuff one and starve the other, and you may be the President of an
+Agricultural Society, and Chairman of your Union. What treatises we have
+upon stock, and improving the breed of boars! Will you tell me who ever
+thought of turning the same attention to the condition of the people?
+and I'm sure, if you go into the county Galway, you 'll soon acknowledge
+that they need it. "Look at that lanky pig," calls out the Scotch
+steward, in derision; "his snout and his legs are fit for a greyhound!"
+But I say, "Look at Paddy, there. His neck is shrivelled and knotted,
+like an old vine-tree; his back rounded, and his legs crooked; all for
+want of care and nourishment. Is all your sympathy to be kept for the
+sheep, and have you none for the shepherd?"
+
+I made some memorandums for you about Belgian farming, but Mary Anne
+curled her hair with them. It's no loss to you, however, for their
+system would n't do with us. Small tenures and spade husbandry do mighty
+well here, because there are great cities within a few miles of each
+other, and agriculture takes somewhat the character of market gardening;
+but their success would be far different were there long distances to be
+traversed with the produce.
+
+This country is certainly prospering; but I 'm not so certain that it
+can continue to do so.' Their industry is now stimulated to a high state
+of productiveness, because they are daily extending their railroads; but
+there must come an end to that, and it strikes me that a country that
+only deals with itself is pretty much what the adage says of the "man
+that is his own doctor." They are now, however, enjoying what your
+political economists all agree in pronouncing to be the great test of
+prosperity. Everything has nearly doubled in price: house rent, meat,
+vegetables, wages, clothes, luxuries of all kind, and, of course,
+taxation. I own to you I never clearly understood this problem; it
+always seemed to me as if a whole population took to walk upon stilts,
+for the pleasure of thinking themselves nine feet high.
+
+These matters put me in mind of Vickars. I now see that I was wrong in
+not going over to the election. His tone is quite changed, and he writes
+to me as if I were a deputation from the distressed hand-loom weavers.
+He acknowledges mine of the 5th ult, and he deplores, and regrets, and
+feels constrained to remind me, and so on, ending with being "humble and
+obedient,"--two things that I believe his own mother never found him.
+The fact is, Tom, he's in Parliament, and he is a Lord of the Treasury,
+and he does n't care a brass farthing for one of us. Do you remark how
+the Ministerial papers praise the Government for promoting Irishmen?
+It is not on the ground of their superior capacity for office, their
+readiness and natural ability. Nothing of the kind; it is simply the
+unbounded generosity of the administration, and perhaps as a proof of
+their humility! They put an Irishman in the Cabinet, just as the Roman
+Conqueror took a slave in his chariot, to show that they don't intend to
+forget themselves!
+
+I wish "Punch" would make a picture of it. Pat with his pipe in his
+mouth beside the Premier; the roguish leer of the eye, the careless ease
+of his crossed legs, and smallclothes open at the knee, would be a grand
+contrast to the high-bred air of his companion.
+
+Don't bother me any more about the salmon weirs; make the best bargain
+you can, and I 'll be satisfied. It appears to me, however, the more
+laws we have, the less fish we catch. In my father's time there was no
+legislation at all, and salmon was a penny a pound. The fish seem to
+hate Acts of Parliament just as much as ourselves. And, talking of that,
+I 'm glad we 're out of our scrape with the Yankees.
+
+Depend upon it, all the cod that ever was salted would n't pay for
+one collision. It would n't be like any other war, Tom, for French
+and Russians, Austrians and Italians, have each their separate
+peculiarities,--giving certain advantages in certain situations; but
+we--that is, English and Americans--fight exactly in the same way.
+Each knows every dodge of the other,--long sixty-fives and thirty-twos,
+boarders, riflemen, riggers,--all alike. It 's the old story of the
+Kilkenny cats, and I'm greatly afraid our "tail" would be nearly as much
+mauled as Jonathan's.
+
+The longer I live, the nearer I find myself drawing to these Yankees;
+and I 've some notion of going over there to have a look at them. They
+tell me that the worst thing about them is the air of gravity, even of
+depression, that prevails,--a strange fault, considering how many Irish
+there are amongst them; but I suppose Paddy is like the rest of the
+world, and he loses his fun when he gets prosperous. There was Tom
+Martin, that went our circuit, and there was n't as pleasant a fellow
+at the bar till he got into business. There was no good asking him
+to dinner after that; as he owned himself, "he kept his jokes for his
+clients." Now, there may be something like this the case in America; at
+all events, Tom, I 'd have one advantage there,--I 'd know the language,
+what I 'm never likely to do here; not but I'm doing my best every day
+at the _table d'hote_; occasionally, perhaps, with some sacrifice of the
+"propers;" but as a foreigner is too polite to laugh, the stranger has
+little chance to learn. For my own part, I 'd rather they 'd tell me
+when I was wrong, and give me some hope of going right I 'd think it
+more friendly of a man to say, "Kenny Dodd, you 're going into a hole,"
+than if he smiled and simpered, and assured me that I was in the middle
+of the path, and getting on beautifully.
+
+And there isn't any good-nature in it; not a bit. It's not
+good-heartedness, nor kindness, nor amiability. I don't believe a word
+of it; because the chap that does it isn't thinking of you at all,--he
+'s only minding himself; he 's fancying how he 's delighting you, or
+captivating your wife or your sister-in-law; or, if it's a woman, she
+wants to fascinate or make a fool of you.
+
+The real and essential difference between us and all foreigners is that
+they are always thinking of what effect they are producing; they never
+for a single moment forget that there is an audience. Now we, on the
+contrary, never remember it. Life with them is a drama, in all the blaze
+of wax-lights and a crowded house; with us, it's a day-rehearsal, and
+we slip about, mumbling our parts, getting through the performance,
+unmindful of all but our own share in it.
+
+More than half of what is attributed to rudeness and unsociality in us,
+springs out of the simple fact that we do not care to obtrude even our
+politeness when there seems no need of it. _Our_ civilities are like a
+bill of exchange, that must represent value one day or other. _Theirs_
+are like the gilt markers on a card-table: they have a look of money
+about them, but are only counterfeit. Perhaps this may explain why our
+women like the Continent so much better than ourselves. All this mock
+interchange of courtesy amuses and interests _them_; it only worries
+_us_.
+
+To come back to Vickars. He 'll do nothing for James. His "own list is
+quite full;" he "has mentioned his name," he says, "to the Secretary for
+the Colonies," and will speak of him "at the Home Office." But I know
+what that means. The party is safe for the present, and don't need our
+dirty voices for many a day to come. It's distressing me to find out
+what to do with him. Can you get me any real information about the gold
+diggings? Is it a thing that would suit him? His mother, I know well,
+would never consent to the notion of his working with his hands; but,
+upon my conscience, if it's his head he's to depend on, he'll fare
+worse! He is very good-looking, six foot one and a half, strong as a
+young bull; and to ride an unbroken horse, drive a fresh team, to shoot
+a snipe, or book a salmon, I 'll back him against the field. I hear,
+besides, he 's a beautiful cue at billiards. But what's the use of all
+these at the Board of Trade, if he had even the luck to get there?
+Many 's the time I 've heard poor old Lord Kilmahon say that an Irish
+education was n't worth a groat for England; and I now see the force of
+the remark.
+
+Not but he 's working hard every day, with French and fortification and
+military surveying, with a fine old officer that served in the wars of
+the Empire,--Captain de la Bourdonaye,--a regular old soldier of Bony's
+day, that hates the English as much as any Irishman going. He comes and
+sits with me now and then of an evening, but there 's not much society
+in it, since we can't understand each other. We have a bottle of rum and
+some cigars between us, and our conversation goes on somewhat in this
+fashion:--
+
+"Help yourself, Mounseer."
+
+A grin and bow, and something mumbled between his teeth.
+
+"Take a weed?"
+
+We smoke.
+
+"James is getting on well, I hope? Mon fils James improving, eh? Grand
+general one of these days, eh?"
+
+"Oui, oui." Fills and drinks.
+
+"Another Bonaparte, I suppose?"
+
+"Ah! le grand homme" Wipes his eyes, and looks up to the ceiling.
+
+"Well, we thrashed him for all that! Faith, we made him dance in Spain
+and Portugal. What do you say to Talavera and Vittoria?"
+
+Swears like a trooper, and rattles out whole volumes of French, with
+gestures that are all but blows. I wait till it 's over, and just say
+"Waterloo!"
+
+This nearly drives him crazy, and he forgets to put water in his glass;
+and off he goes about Waterloo in a way that's dreadful to look at. I
+suppose, if I understood him, I 'd break his neck; but as I don't, I
+only go on saying "Waterloo" at intervals; but every time I utter it,
+he has to blow off the steam again. When the rum is finished, he usually
+rushes out of the room, gnashing his teeth, and screaming something
+about St. Helena. But it 's all over the next day, and he 's as polite
+as ever when we meet,--grins, and hands me his tin snuff-box with the
+air of an emperor. They 're a wonderful people, Tom; and though they 'd
+murder you, they 'd never forget to make a bow to your corpse.
+
+You may imagine, from what I tell you, that I am very lonely here; and
+so I am. I never meet anybody I can speak to; I never see any newspaper
+I can read! I eat things without knowing the names of them, or, what's
+worse, what they are; and all this I must do for economy, while I could
+live for less than one-half the expense at Dodsburough!
+
+Mary Anne has just come to say that the doctors are agreed Mrs. D. must
+be removed; the noise of the town will destroy her. My only surprise is
+that she did n't discover it sooner. They speak of a place called Chaude
+Fontaine, seven miles away, and of a little watering-place called Spa.
+But I 'll not budge an inch till I have all the particulars, for I know
+well they 're all dying to be at the old work again,--tea-parties,
+and hired horses, and polkas, in the evening, and the rest of it. Lord
+George has arrived at Liege, and I would n't be astonished if he was at
+the bottom of it all; not but he behaved well in James's business. To
+deal with a Jew there 's nothing in the world like one of your young
+sprigs of nobility! Moses does n't care a bulrush for you or me; but
+when he hears of a Lord Charles or Lord Augustus, he alters his tone.
+It is that class which supplies his customers, and he dares not outrage
+them.
+
+I wish you saw the way he managed our friend Lazarus! He would n't look
+into his statement, read one of his accounts, or even bestow a glance at
+the bills.
+
+"I 'm up to all those dodges, Lazzy," said he; "it's no use coming that
+over _me_. What 'll you do it for?"
+
+"Ah, my good Lord Shorge, you know better as me, that we cannot give
+away our moneys. Here are all the bills--"
+
+"Don't care for that, Lazzy,--won't look at 'em. What 'll you do it
+for?"
+
+"If I lend my moneys at a fair per shent--"
+
+"Well, what's the figure to be? Say it at once, or I'm off."
+
+"You 'll shurely look at my claims--"
+
+"Not one of them."
+
+"Nor the bills."
+
+"No."
+
+"Nor the vouchers?"
+
+"No."
+
+"Oh dear! oh dear! how hard you are grown; and you so young and so
+handsome, so little like--"
+
+"Never mind the resemblance, but answer me. How much?"
+
+"It 's impossible, my Lord Shorge!" "Will two hundred do? Well, two
+fifty?" "No, nor twelve fifty, my Lord. I will have my claim." "That 's
+what I want to come at, Lazzy. How much?" This process goes on for half
+an hour, without any apparent result on either side; when, at last, Lord
+George, taking out his pocket-book, proceeds to count various bank-notes
+on the table. The effect is magical; the sight of the money melts
+Lazarus,--he hesitates, and gives in. Of course his compliance does not
+cost him much; fifty per cent is the very lowest we escape for! But even
+at this, Tom, our bargain is a good one.
+
+I see it all, Tom; they are bent on getting to a watering-place, and
+that's exactly the very thing I won't stand. Our Irish notions on these
+subjects are all taken from Bundoran, or Kilkee, or Dunmore, or some
+such localities; and where, to say the least, there is not a great deal
+to find fault with. Tiresome they are enough; and, after a week or so,
+one gets wearied of always walking over ankles in deep sand,
+listening to the plash of the tide, or the less musical squall of some
+half-drowned baby, or sitting on a rock to watch some miraculous draught
+of fishes, that is sure to be sent off some twenty miles into the
+interior. These, and occasional pictorial studies of your acquaintances,
+in all the fascinations of oil-skin caps and wet drapery, tire at last.
+But they are cheap pleasures, Tom; and, as the world goes, that is
+something.
+
+Now, from all I can learn, for I know nothing of them myself, your
+foreign watering-place is just a big city taking an airing. The
+self-same habits of dress, late hours, play, dancing, debt, and
+dissipation; the great difference being that wickedness is cultivated in
+straw hats and Russia-duck, instead of its more conventional costume of
+black coat and trousers! From my own brief experience of life, I think a
+garden by moonlight is just as dangerous as a conservatory with colored
+lamps; and a polka in public is less perilous than a mountain excursion,
+even on donkeys! They 'll not catch me at that game, Tom!
+
+I have just discovered in "Cochrane's Guide"--for I have burned my "John
+Murray"--the very place to suit me,--Bonn on the Rhine. He says it has
+a pleasant appearance, and contains 1,300 houses and 15,000 inhabitants,
+and that the Star, kept by one Schmidt, is reasonable, and that
+he speaks English, and takes in the "Galignani,"--two evidences of
+civilization not to be despised.
+
+I think I see you smile; but that's the fact,--we come abroad to hunt
+after somebody we can talk to, or find a newspaper we can read, making
+actual luxuries of what we had every day at home for nothing.
+
+Besides these, Bonn has a university, and that will be a great thing for
+James, and masters of various kinds for the girls; but, better than all
+this, there's no society, no balls, no dinners, no theatre. The only
+places of public amusement are the Cathedral and the Anatomy House; and
+even Mrs. D. will be puzzled to get up a jinketing in them.
+
+I 'll write to Schmidt this evening about rooms, and I 'll show him that
+we are not to be "done," like your newly arrived Bulls; for I won't pay
+more than "four-and-six" a head for dinner; and plenty it is too. I
+wish we could have remained here; but now that the doctors have decided
+against it, there's no help. It is not that I liked the place,--Heaven
+knows I have no right to be pleased with it,--but I 'll tell you one
+great advantage about it: it was actually "breaking them all in to
+hate the Continent;" another month of this tinkering din, this tiresome
+_table d'hote_, and wearisome existence, and I 'd wager a trifle they 'd
+agree to any terms to get away. You 'd not believe your eyes if you saw
+how they are altered. The girls so thin, and no color in their cheeks;
+James as lank as a greyhound, and always as if half asleep; and myself,
+pluffy and full and short-winded, irascible about everything, and always
+thirsty, without anything wholesome to drink. But I 'd bear it all, Tom,
+for the result, or for what I at least expect the result would be. I
+'d submit to it like a course of physic, looking to the cure for my
+recompense.
+
+Shall I now tell you, Tom, that I have my misgivings about Mrs. D.'s
+illness? I was passing the lobby last night, and I heard her laughing
+as heartily as ever she did in her life, though it was only two hours
+before she had sent down for the man of the house to witness her will.
+To be sure, she always does make a will whenever she takes to bed; but
+this time she went further, and had a grand leave-taking of us all,
+which I only escaped by being wrapped up in blankets, under the
+"influence," as the doctors call it, of "tartarized antimony," of which
+I partook, to satisfy her scruples, before she would taste it. If I have
+to perform much longer as a pilot balloon, Tom, I 'm thinking I 'm very
+likely to explode.
+
+As for one word of truth from the doctors, I 'm not such a fool as to
+expect it. The priest or the physician that attends your wife always
+seems to regard _you_ as a natural enemy. If he happen to be well bred,
+he conducts himself with all the observance due to a distinguished
+opponent; but no confidence, Tom,--nothing candid. He never forgets that
+he is engaged for the "opposite party."
+
+Your foreign doctor, too, is a dreadful animal. He has not the bland
+look, the soft smile, the noiseless slide, the snowy shirt-frill, and
+the tender squeeze of the hand, of our own fellows, every syllable of
+whose honeyed lips seems like a lenitive electuary made vocal. He is a
+mean, scrubby, little, damp-looking chap, not unlike the bit of dirty
+cotton in the bottom of an ink-bottle, the incarnation of black draught
+and a bitter mixture. He won't poison you, however, for his treatment
+ranges between dill-water and syrup of gum; in fact, to use the
+expressive phrase of the French, he only comes to "assist" at your
+death, and not to cause it. I have remarked that homoopathic fellows
+are more attentive to the outward man than the others, whatever be
+the reason. Their beards and whiskers are certainly not cut on the
+infinitesimal principle, and, assuredly, flattery is one of the
+medicaments they never administer in small doses. By the way, Tom, I
+wish this same theory could be applied to the distresses of a man's
+estate as well as that of his body. It would be a right comfortable
+thing to pay off one's mortgagees with fractional parts of a halfpenny,
+and get rid of one's creditors on the "decillionth" scale.
+
+I have now finished my paper, and I have just discovered that I have not
+answered one of your questions about home affairs; but, after all, does
+it matter much, Tom? Things in Ireland go their own way, however we may
+strive to direct and control them. In fact, I am half disposed to think
+we ought to manage our business on the principle that our countryman
+drove his pig,--turning his head towards Cork because he wanted him to
+go to Fermoy! Look at us at this moment. We never were so thoroughly
+divided as since we have enjoyed the benefits of a united education!
+
+If Tullylicknaslatterley must be sold, see that it is soon done; for
+if we put it off till November, the boys will be shooting somebody, or
+doing some infernal folly or other, that will take five years off the
+purchase-money. These Manchester fellows are always so terrified at
+what is called an outrage! Sure, if they had the least knowledge of the
+doctrine of chances, they 'd see that the estate where a man was shot
+was exactly the place there would be no more mischief for many a year to
+come. The only spot where accidents are always recurring is the drop in
+front of a jail.
+
+Try and persuade the Englishman to take Dodsborough for another year.
+Tell him Ireland is looking up, prices are improving, &c. If he be
+Hibernian in his leanings, show him how teachable Paddy is,--how
+disposed to learn, and how grateful for instruction. If he be bitten
+by the "Times," tell him that the Irish are all emigrating, and that in
+three years there will neither be a Pat, a priest, nor a potato to be
+seen. As old Fitzgibbon used to say on our circuit, "I wish I had a
+hundred pounds to argue it either way!"
+
+I can manage to keep afloat for a couple of weeks, but be sure to remit
+me something by that time.
+
+Yours, ever sincerely,
+
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XIV. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQ., TRINITY COLLEGE, DUBLIN.
+
+Liege, Tuesday Morning.
+
+My dear Bob,--A thousand pardons for not answering either of your two
+last letters. It was not, believe me, that I have not felt the most
+sincere interest in all that you tell me about yourself and your doings.
+Far from it: I finished two bottles of Hock in honor of your Science
+Premium, and I have called a short-tailed hack Bob, after you, though,
+unfortunately, she happens to be a mare.
+
+Mine has been rather a varied kind of existence since I wrote last. A
+little in the draught-board style, only that the black checkers have
+rather predominated! I got "hit hard" at the Brussels races, lost twelve
+hundred at ecarte, and had some ugly misadventures arising out of a too
+liberal use of my autograph. The governor, however, has stumped up, and
+though the whole affair was serious enough at one time, I fancy that we
+are at length over the stiff country, and with nothing but grass fields
+and light cantering laud before us.
+
+The greatest inconvenience of the whole has been that we 've been laid
+up here, "dismasted and in ordinary," for the last three weeks, during
+which my mother has made a steeple-chase through the Pharmacopoeia, and
+the governor finished all the Schiedam in the town. In fact, there
+has been nothing very serious the matter with her; but as we left the
+capital under rather unpleasant circumstances, we came in here to "blow
+off our steam," and cool down to a reasonable temperature. To reduce the
+budget and retrench expenditure, the choice was probably not a bad one,
+since we are housed, fed, and done for on the most reasonable terms; but
+the place is a perfect disgust, and there is actually nothing for a man
+to do, except to poke into steam-engines and prove gun-barrels.
+
+As for me, I never leave my room from breakfast till _table d'hote_
+hour. My French master comes at eleven and stays till four. This sounds
+all very diligent and studious, and so thinks the governor, Bob. The
+real state of the case is, however, different. The distinguished
+officer of the Old Guard engaged to instruct me in military science and
+mathematics is an old hairdresser, who combines with his functions
+of barber the honorable duties of _laquais de place_ and police spy,
+occasionally taking a turn at the "scholastic" whenever he is lucky
+enough to find any English illiterate enough to be his dupes. The
+governor heard of him from the master of the hotel, and took him
+especially for his cheapness. Such is the Captain de la Bourdonaye, who
+swaggers upstairs every morning with a red ribbon in his button-hole,
+and a curling-iron in his pocket; for I take good care, Bob, that as
+he cannot furnish the inside of my head, he shall at least decorate it
+without.
+
+I must say this is a most nefarious old rascal, and I have heard of more
+villany from him than I ever knew before. He knows all the scandal and
+gossip of the town, and retails it with an almost diabolical raciness.
+As I have already made use of him in various ways, we are bound to each
+other in the very heaviest of recognizances. He brought me yesterday a
+note from Lord George, who had just arrived here, but judged better not
+to see me till he had called on the governor. The Captain was once
+Lord G.'s courier, and, I believe, the chief mentor of his earlier
+Continental experiences.
+
+Lord George has behaved like a trump to me. He has brought away from
+Brussels all my traps, which, in the haste of my retreat, I had fancied
+fallen into the hands of the enemy. The brown mare Bob, a neatish
+dennet, two sets of single harness, a racing saddle, a lady's
+ditto, three chests of toggery, all my pipes and canes, and a
+bull-terrier,--the whole of which would have to-day been the chattels of
+Lazarus, had not Lord G. made out a bill of sale of them to himself, and
+got two "respectable" advocates to swear they were witnesses to it. The
+fun of this is, Lazarus saw all the knavery, and Tiverton never denied
+it! The most rascally transactions are dashed with such an air
+of frankness and candor, that, hang me! if one can regard them
+as transportable offences! I know all this would be infamous in
+England,--it would n't be quite right even in Ireland, Bob,--but here we
+are abroad, and the latitude warps morality just as the vicinity to the
+pole affects the compass.
+
+I have learned from Lord George that there are to be races at a place
+called Spa, about twelve miles off, and that if Bob were in training we
+might do a good thing among "les gentlemen riders," who certainly ride
+like neither gents nor jocks. George slipped his knee-cap at a gate the
+other day, and cannot ride; and how I am to get away from this for an
+entire day without the governor's knowledge, is more than I can see. I
+have told the Captain, however, that he must manage it somehow, or I
+'ll turn king's evidence and betray him; so that the case is not yet
+hopeless. Bob is exactly the kind of thing to walk into these fellows.
+She 's very nearly thoroughbred, but has a cock-tailed look about her,
+and, with a hogged mane and a short dock, is only, to all appearance,
+a clever hackney. I know well that these foreigners have got first-rate
+cattle,--they buy the very best of horses, and the smartest carriages of
+London; but what avails it? They can neither ride nor drive! They curb
+up a thoroughbred so that he 's thrown clean out of his stride, and they
+clap the saddle on his withers so that he is certain to come smash down
+if he tries to cross a furrow. You can imagine what hands they have,
+when I tell you that they all hold on by the head! Lord G., however, who
+knows them well, says that there 's no use in bringing over a good horse
+against them. They are confoundedly cautious, and what they lack in
+skill they make up in cunning; and if they heard of anything that ran
+second at Goodwood or Chester, they 'd "shut up" at once. It's only a
+"dodge" will do, he says, and I am certain nobody knows better than he
+does.
+
+Whenever they get pluck enough for hurdle-racing, there will be some
+money to be picked up abroad; but the prosperity won't last, for when
+one fellow breaks his neck there will be an end of it.
+
+I 'll not close this till I can tell you the success of our scheme for
+the races. Meanwhile to your questions, which, to make short work of, I
+'ll answer all at once. It's all very fine to talk about studying, and
+the learned professions; but how many succeed in them? Three or four
+swells carry off the stakes, and the rest are nowhere! Let me tell you,
+Bob, that the fellows that really do best in life never knew trade nor
+profession, except you can call Tattersall's yard a lecture-room, and
+short-whist a calling. There 's Collingwood 's got two hundred thousand
+with his wife; Upton, he 's netted thirty on the last Derby, and stands
+to win at least twelve more on the Spring Meeting. Brook--Shallow Brook,
+as you used to call him at school--has been deep enough to break the
+bank at Hamburg! I just wish you 'd show me one of your University dons
+who could do any one of the three! If it came to a trial of wits, the
+heads of houses would n't have houses over their heads. Believe me, Bob,
+the poet was right,--"The proper study of mankind is man!" and if he
+add thereto a little knowledge of horseflesh, there's no fear of him in
+this life!
+
+Look at the thing in another light too. The Church is only open to the
+Protestants; the bar is, then, the sole profession with great rewards;
+for as to the army and navy, they may do to spend money in and leave
+when you 're sick of them, but nothing else. Now the bar is awful
+labor,--ten or twelve hours a day for three or four years, as many more
+in a special pleader's office, six years after that reporting for the
+newspapers; and, perhaps, after three or four struggling terms you drop
+off out of the course altogether, and are only heard of as writing a
+threatening letter to Lord John Russell, or as our "own Correspondent at
+Tahiti"!
+
+As to physic, "I throw it to the dogs." It's not a gentlemanly calling!
+So long as a fellow can rout you out of bed at night for a guinea, it's
+all nonsense to talk about independence. Your doctor has n't even the
+cabman's privilege to higgle for a trifle more. Real liberty, Bob,
+consists in having no craft whatsoever. Like the free lances in the
+sixteenth century, take a turn of service wherever it suits you, but
+wear no man's livery. As Lord George remarks, whenever a fellow takes
+to that line of life the men are all afraid, and the women all delighted
+with him; he's so sure with his pistol and so lax in his principles,
+nothing obstructs his progress.
+
+This same glorious independence I am like enough to attain, since up
+to this moment I am a perfect gentleman, according to Lord George's
+definition; nor could I, by any means that I know of, support myself for
+twenty-four hours. You would probably remark that so blank a prospect
+ought to alarm me. Not a bit of it! I never felt more thoroughly
+confident and at ease than now as I write these lines. George's theory
+is this: Life is a round game, with some skill and a vast amount
+of hazard; the majority of the players are dupes, who, some from
+inattention, some from deficient ability, and others, again, from utter
+indifference, are easy victims to the few shrewd and clever fellows that
+never neglect a chance, and who know when to back their luck. "Do not be
+too eager," says George,--"do not be over-anxious to play, but just walk
+about and watch the game for a year or so, and only cut in when it suits
+you. By that time you have mastered the peculiar style of every man's
+play. You are up to all their weaknesses, and aware of where their
+strength lies; and if you can only afford to lose a little cash yourself
+at the start, and pass for a pigeon, your fortune is made!" This, of
+course, is but a sorry sketch of his system; for, after all, it requires
+his own dashing description, his figurative manner, and his flow of
+illustration, to make the thing intelligible. He is, in reality, a
+first-rate fellow, and may be what he chooses. All that I know of life I
+owe to his teaching; and I own to you I was in the "lowest form" when he
+began with me.
+
+The only thing that distresses me now, is the fear that Vickars
+may yield to the governor's solicitations, and give or get me
+something,--some confounded official appointment that would shut me up
+all day in a Government office, on mayhap one hundred and twenty per
+annum, with a promised increase of ten pounds when I attain the age of
+fifty. I 'd nearly as soon be in the hulks as the Home Office, and I 'm
+certain that pounding oyster-shells is just as intellectual, and a far
+more salubrious occupation than _precis_ writing! The dread of such a
+destiny has induced me to take a rather bold step, and one which it
+is possible you will not exactly approve of. I have written myself a
+"private and strictly confidential" note to Vickars, to say that my
+father's application to him on my behalf never had my sanction nor
+approval; that I despise the Board of Trade, and hold the Customs
+uncommon cheap; and that although there are some gentlemen in what they
+call the diplomatic service, that all the juniors are snobs, and the
+grade above them--what George calls snoozers--old red-tapery fellows,
+that label their washing-bills "soap question," and send out their boots
+to be new soled in an old despatch-bag.
+
+I have added a few lines, by way of showing that my repugnance does not
+proceed from any disinclination to exertion or an active life, that I am
+quite ready to accept of a commission in the Guards, or any good post
+in the household, where my natural advantages might be seen and
+appreciated.
+
+I have not told Lord George about this, because he is tremendously
+opposed to my taking anything like office. He says it's not only "bad
+style," but a positive throwing away of oneself; since, whenever they do
+get a regularly clever fellow amongst them, they always keep him in some
+subordinate position. "They 'll just treat you the way they did Edmund
+Burke," he says; and though I'm not aware how that was, I am quite
+satisfied that it was a rascally shame! Our name, too, I own to you, in
+all frankness, is awfully against us. Lord George has advised me over
+and over to add a syllable or two to it; so I should, perhaps, if I were
+not living with the governor; but for the present I must submit.
+
+The Captain has just dropped in to tell me that all is arranged,--I am
+to have a fearful toothache, and be confined to bed for two days; and
+this, with heavy blankets and nitre whey, will take at least seven
+pounds off me. The governor is to be seduced into an excursion, to see
+the works of Seraing. We have contrived to have his card of admission
+dated for a particular day, and the hackney coachman has been bribed to
+break down on the way home, and detain him several hours. Lord George is
+to have a drag ready for me at the outside of Liege at eight o'clock
+and I hope to figure on the course by twelve! Mary Anne alone is in the
+secret. I was obliged to tell her, since without her aid I should have
+had no jacket; but she has cut up a splendid green satin of my mother's,
+which, with white sleeves and cap to match, will turn me out rather
+smart, and national to boot. Bob is already gone, and has had her
+canters for the last four mornings, so that who knows but that we shall
+do something?
+
+You describe to me the trepidation of heart you felt on going up for
+honors at college,--the fits of heat and cold, the tremblings, the
+sighings, the throbbings, and faintish-ness; trust me, Bob, it's all
+nothing to what one experiences on the eve of a race! _Your_ contest
+is conducted in secret; your success or failure is witnessed by a few;
+_ours_ is an open tournament, with thousands of spectators, who are,
+or who at least fancy that they are, most competent judges of the
+performance; and if it be a glorious thing to come sweeping past the
+grand stand amidst the vociferous cheers of a mighty host, to catch the
+fitful glance of waving hats and floating handkerchiefs as you dash by,
+it is a sorry affair to come hobbling along dead-lame or broke down,
+three hundred yards behind, greeted only by the scoffs of the multitude
+and the jokes of the greasy populace.
+
+Which of these fortunes is to be mine you shall hear before I seal this
+epistle; and now, for the present, adieu!
+
+
+Friday Evening I have just an hour before the post closes to announce to
+you my safe return here, though I greatly doubt if my swelled and still
+trembling fingers will make me legible. We started at cock-crow, and
+reached Spa for an early breakfast, having "tooled along" with a spicy
+tandem the thirteen miles in an hour. Before eight o'clock I had taken
+a hot bath, and reduced my weight nine pounds, having taken seven rounds
+of the race-course in a heavy fur pelisse of Lord George's. Twenty
+minutes more toiling, and some hot lemonade, completed my training, and
+left me by twelve o'clock somewhat groggy in gait and white about the
+gills, and, as George said, very much like a chicken boiled down for
+broth!
+
+Our game was not to bet on the general race, but to look on as mere
+spectators and see what could be done in a private match. This was not
+so easy, since these Belgian fellows were so intent on the "Liege St.
+Leger" and the "Spa Derby," and twenty other travesties of the like
+kind, that they would not listen to anything but what sounded at least
+like English sport. We had therefore to wait with all due patience
+for their tiresome races,--"native horses and native jockeys," as the
+printed programme very needlessly informed us. "Flemish mares and fat
+riders" would have been the suitable description.
+
+I had almost despaired of doing anything, when near five o'clock George
+came up to say that he had made a match for a hundred Naps, a side,--Bob
+against Bronchitis, twice round the course,--I to ride my own horse,
+and Count Amedee de Kaerters the other, he giving me twelve pounds and
+a distance. Not too much odds, I assure you, since Bronchitis is out of
+Harpsichord by a Bay Middleton mare.
+
+Before I had reached the stand, George had made a very pretty book,
+taking five, and even seven to two, against Bob, and an even fifty
+on her being distanced. Still I was far from comfortable when I saw
+Bronchitis; a splendid-looking horse, with a great slapping stride,
+light about the head, and strong in the quarters; just the kind of horse
+that wants no riding whatever, only to be let do his own work his own
+way.
+
+"The mare can't gallop with that horse, George!" said I, in a whisper.
+"She 'll never see him after the first time round!"
+
+"I'm half afraid of that," said he, in the same low voice. "They told me
+he wasn't all right, but he's in top condition. We must see what's to
+be done." He smoked his cigar quite coolly for a minute or two, and then
+said, "Ah, here comes the Count! I have it, 'Jim!'"--he always calls me
+"Jim,"--"just mind me, and it will all come right."
+
+I was by no means convinced that everything was so safe, however; and
+had I been possessed of the fifty Naps. required, I should gladly have
+paid the forfeit. Fortunately, as it turned out, I had n't so much
+money; so into the scale I went, my heart being the heaviest spot about
+me!
+
+"Eleven two," said George; "we 'll say eleven."
+
+The Count weighed eleven stone four, which, with his added weight,
+brought him to upwards of twelve stone.
+
+"It's exactly as I suspected," whispered George to me. "The Belgian has
+weighed himself as if he was a gold guinea. He has been so anxious not
+to give you an ounce too much, that he has outwitted himself. All that
+you 've to do, Jim, is, ride at him every now and then; tease and worry
+the fellow wherever you can, and try if you can't take some of that
+loose flesh off him before it's over."
+
+I saw the scheme at once, Bob. I had nothing whatever to do but to save
+my distance to win the race; for it was clearly impossible that the
+Count could go twice round a mile course, and come in as heavy as he
+started.
+
+I must be brief, for my minutes are few. Would that you could have seen
+us going round!--I lying always on his quarter, making a rush whenever
+I got a bit of ugly ground, and, though barely able to keep up with him,
+just being near enough to worry him. He wasn't much of a rider, it is
+true, but he knew quite enough to see that he could run away from me
+whenever he liked; and so he did when he came to the last turn near
+home. Off he went at speed, pitching the mud behind him, and making my
+smart jacket something like a dirty draught-board. It was only by dint
+of incessant spurring and tremendous punishment that I was able to get
+inside the distance-post just as the cheering in front announced to me
+that he had passed the grand stand.
+
+_My_ canter in--for I was so dead-beat it was only a canter--was
+greeted with a universal yell of derision. To have a laugh against the
+Englishman on a race-course was a national triumph of no mean order. "It
+was a 'set-off' against Waterloo," George said.
+
+In I came, splashed, splattered, and scorned, but not crestfallen, Bob,
+for one glance at my victorious rival satisfied me that all was safe.
+The Count was so completely fagged that he could scarcely get down from
+his horse, and when he did so, he staggered like a drunken man.
+
+"Come now, Count, into the scale!" cried Lord George; "show your weight,
+and let us pay our money!"
+
+"I have weighed already," said the other. "I weighed before the start."
+
+"Very true," rejoined George, "but let us see that you are the same
+weight still."
+
+It required considerable explanation and argument to show the justice of
+this proposition, nor was it till a jury of English jocks decided in its
+favor that the Belgians were convinced.
+
+At last he did consent to get into the scale, and to the utter
+wonderment of all but the few English present, it was discovered that he
+had lost something like six pounds, and consequently lost the race.
+
+It was capital fun to see the consternation of the Belgians at the
+announcement. They had been betting with such perfect certainty; they
+had been giving any odds to tempt a wager; and there they were!--"in,"
+as George said, "for a whole pot of money."
+
+While they were counting down the cash, too, George kept assuring them
+that the lesson they had just received was "cheap as dirt;" "that it
+ought by right to have cost them thousands instead of hundreds, but that
+we preferred doing the thing in an amicable way." At such times, I
+must say, George is perfect. He is so cool, so courteous; so apparently
+serious, too, that even his sharpest cuts seem like civil speeches and
+kindly counsel. I never admired him more than when, having bought a
+courier's leather-bag to stuff the gold in, he slung it round his neck,
+and, taking leave of the party with a polite bow, said,--
+
+"There are times, gentlemen, when one goes all the lighter for a little
+additional weight!"
+
+I scarcely remember how we reached Liege. It was almost one roar of
+laughter between us the whole road! And then such plans and schemes for
+the future!
+
+Luck stood by me to the last. I reached home before the governor, and in
+time to resume my bandages and my toothache. Mary Anne had taken care to
+have a very tidy bit of dinner ready; and now, while I sip my Bordeaux,
+I dedicate to you the last moments of my long and eventful day.
+
+I do not ask of you to write to me till you hear again, for there is no
+guessing where I may be this day fortnight. Vickars may possibly respond
+to my request; or I may find some complaisant doctor to order me to a
+distant watering-place, in which case I may get free of the Dodd family,
+who, I own to you, Bob, are a serious drawback on the progress and
+advancement of your
+
+Attached, but now wide-awake friend,
+
+James Dodd.
+
+Dodd pere has just come home with a sprained ankle. The scoundrel of
+a coachee overdid his instructions, and upset the "conveniency" into a
+lime-kiln. I suppose I'll have to pay two or three Naps, additional for
+the damage.
+
+One good result, however, has followed: the governor is in such a rage
+that he has determined to leave this tomorrow.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XV. MISS DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN.
+
+My dearest Kitty,--I do not, indeed, deserve your reproaches. Mine is
+not a heart to forget the fondest ties of early affection, nor would
+you charge me with this were you near me. But how can _you_, lying
+peacefully in the calm haven of domestic quiet, "sleeping on your
+shadow," as the poetess says, sympathize with one storm-tossed, and all
+but shipwrecked on the wild, wide ocean of life?
+
+Of the past I cannot trust myself to speak, and I must say, Kitty, if
+there be one lesson which the Continent teaches above all others, it is
+not to go over the bygone. A week ago, in foreign acceptation, is half
+a century; and he who remembers the events of yesterday rather verges
+on being a "bore" for his pains. Probably it is the intensity with which
+they throw themselves into the "present" that imparts to foreigners
+their incontestable superiority in all that constitutes social
+distinction,--their glowing enthusiasm even about what we should call
+trifles,--their ardor to attain what we should deem of little moment!
+
+If you were not to witness it, Kitty, you could n't believe what an
+odious thing your regular untravelled Englishman is. His pride, his
+stiffness, his self-conceit, his contempt for everybody and everything,
+from good breeding to grammar. Contrast him with your pliant Frenchman,
+your courteous German, or your devoted Italian; so smiling and so
+submissive, so grateful for the slightest mark of your favor, that
+you feel all the power of riches in the wealth of your smiles or the
+resources of your wit!
+
+And they are so ingenious in discovering your perfections! It is not
+alone the rich color of your hair, the arch of your eyebrow, or the
+symmetry of your instep, Kitty, but even the secret workings of your
+fancy, the fitful playings of your imagination: these they understand
+by a kind of magic. I really believe that the reason Englishmen do
+not comprehend women is that they despise and look down upon them.
+Foreigners, on the other hand, adore and revere them! There is a kind of
+worship paid to the sex abroad that is most fascinating.
+
+One reason for all this may be that in England there are so many roads
+to ambition quite separated from female influence. Now, here this is
+not the case. We are everything abroad, Kitty. Political, literary,
+artistic, fashionable,--as we will. We can be fascinating and go
+everywhere, or exclusive and only admit a chosen few. We can be deep
+in all the secrets of State, and exhausted with all the cares of the
+cabinet, or can be _lionnes_, and affect cigars and men society, talk
+scandal and _coulisses_, wear all the becoming caprices of costume, and
+be even more than men in independence.
+
+I see--or I fancy that I see--your astonishment at all that I am telling
+you, and that you half exclaim, "Where and how did Mary Anne learn all
+this?" I 'll tell you, my dearest Kitty, since even the expansion of
+heart to my oldest friend is not sweeter to me than the enjoyment of
+speaking of one whose very name is already a spell to me.
+
+You must know, then, that after various incidents, too numerous to
+recount, we left Brussels for Liege, where poor mamma was taken so ill
+that we were forced to remain several weeks. This, of course, threw
+a gloom over our party, and deprived me of the inestimable pleasure
+I should have felt in visiting the scenes so graphically described in
+Scott's delightful "Quentin Durward." As it was, I did contrive to make
+acquaintance with the old palace of the prince bishops, and brought
+away, as souvenir, a very pretty lace lappet and a pair of gold earrings
+of antique form, which I wanted greatly to suit a _moyen age_ costume
+that I have just completed, and of which I shall speak hereafter.
+
+Liege, however, did not agree with any of us. Mamma never slept at
+night; papa did little else than sleep day and night; poor James
+overworked himself at study; and Cary and myself grew positively plain!
+so that we started at last for Aix-la-Chapelle, intending to proceed
+direct to the Rhine. On arriving, however, at the "Quatre Saisons"
+Hotel, pa found an excellent stock of port wine, which an Englishman,
+just deceased, had brought over for his own drinking, and he resolved
+to remain while it lasted. There were fortunately only seven dozen, or
+we should not have got away, as we did, in three weeks.
+
+Not that Aix was entirely devoid of amusement. In the morning there is a
+kind of promenade round the bath-house, where you drink a sulphur spa to
+soft music; but, as James says, a solution of rotten eggs in ditch water
+is scarcely palatable, even with Donizetti. After that, you breakfast
+with what appetite you may; then you ride out in large parties of
+fifteen or twenty till dinner, the day being finished with a kind of
+half-dress, or no dress, ball at "the rooms." The rooms, my dear Kitty,
+require a word or two of description. They are a set of six or
+seven _salons_ of considerable size, and no mean pretension as to
+architecture; at least, the ceilings are very handsome, and the
+architraves of doors and windows display a vast deal of ornament, but so
+dirty, so shamefully, shockingly dirty, it is incredible to say! In some
+there are newspapers; in others they talk; in one large apartment there
+is dancing; but the rush and recourse of all seem to two chambers, where
+they play at rouge-et-noir and roulette.
+
+I only took a passing peep at this pandemonium, and was shocked at the
+unshaven and ill-cared-for aspect of the players, who really, to my
+eyes, appeared like persons in great poverty; and, indeed, Lord George
+informs me that the frequenters of this place are a very inferior class
+to those who resort to Ems and Baden.
+
+I was not very sorry to get away from this; for, independently of
+other reasons, pa had made us very remarkable--I had almost said very
+ridiculous--before the first week was over. In order to prevent James
+from frequenting the play-room, papa stationed himself at the door,
+where he sat, with a great stick before him, from twelve o'clock every
+day till the same hour at night,--a piece of eccentricity that of course
+drew public attention to him, and made us all the subject of impertinent
+remarks, and indeed of some practical jokes: such as sudden alarms
+of fire, anonymous letters, and other devices, to seduce him from his
+watch.
+
+It was, therefore, an inexpressible relief to me to hear that we
+were off for Cologne,--that city of sweet waters and a glorious
+cathedral!--though I must own to you, Kitty, that in the first of these
+two attractions the place is disappointing. The manufacturers of the
+far-famed perfume would seem so successfully to have extracted the
+odor of the richly gifted flowers, that they have actually left nothing
+endurable by human nose! Of all the towns in Europe, it is, they tell,
+the very worst in this respect; and even papa, who between snuff and
+nerves long inured to Irish fairs and quarter sessions, is tolerably
+indifferent,--even he said that he felt it "rather close and stuffy."
+
+As for the cathedral, dearest, I have no words to convey my sensations
+of awe, wonderment, and worship. Yes, Kitty, it was a sense of soft
+devotional bewilderment,--a kind of deliciously pious rapture I felt
+come over me, as I sat in a dark recess of this glorious building,
+the rich organ notes pealing through the vaulted aisles, and floating
+upwards towards the fretted roof. Even Lord George--that volatile
+spirit--could not resist the influence of the spot, and he pressed my
+hand in the fervor of his feelings,--a liberty, I need scarcely tell
+you, he never would have ventured on under less exciting circumstances.
+
+Shall I own to you, Kitty, that this sign of emotion on his part
+emboldened me to a step that you will call one of daring heroism? I
+could not, however, resist the temptation of contrasting the solemn
+grandeur and gorgeous sublimity of _our_ Church with the cold,
+unimpressive nakedness of _his_. The theme, the spot, the hour,--all
+seemed to inspire me, Kitty; and I suppose I must have pleaded
+eloquently, for his hand trembled, his head drooped, and almost fell
+upon my shoulder. I told him repeatedly that it was his reason I wished
+to convince,--that I neither desired to captivate his imagination nor
+engage his heart.
+
+"And why not my heart?" cried he, passionately. "Is it that--"
+
+Oh, Kitty, who can tell what he would have said next, if a dirty little
+acolyte had not whisked round the corner and begged of us to move
+away and let him light two tapers beside a skull in a glass case? The
+officious little wretch might, at least, have waited till we had gone
+away; but no, nothing would do for him but he must illuminate his bones
+that very instant, and thus, probably, was lost to me forever the un
+speakable triumph I had all but accomplished.
+
+We arose and set out in search of our party, who were, it appeared,
+in quest of papa: nor was it for two hours that we found him. He had
+ascended the tower with us all, but instead of coming down when we did,
+he took a short turn on the leads, and, finding the door closed on his
+return, remained a prisoner there during all the time we were in search
+of him. There is no saying how much longer he might have passed in this
+captivity--for all his cries and shouts were unheard--had he not hit
+upon an expedient, not entirely devoid of danger, for his rescue. This
+was to tear off any loose tiles he could find, and hurl them over into
+the street beneath. Why and how nobody was killed by it we cannot guess,
+for it is a most crowded thoroughfare, and actually crammed with stalls
+of fruit and vegetables. The buttresses and projections of the cathedral
+probably arrested many of the missiles in their flight; but one, thrown
+I conjecture with extraordinary force, came bang on the roof of the
+archbishop's carriage, just as his Grace had got in, the noise and the
+shock almost depriving him of consciousness! Papa, however, knew nothing
+of all this, and was actually hard at work detaching a lead gutter when
+they rushed up and apprehended him.
+
+[Illustration: 200]
+
+It was almost an hour before we could come to anything like a reasonable
+explanation of the incident, for papa insisted that he was the aggrieved
+person throughout, and raved about his action for false imprisonment.
+The dean of the cathedral demanded a handsome sum for reparation, and
+threw in a sly word about "sacrilege" if we demurred. Mamma, still weak
+and delicate, took to hysterics, while a considerable mob outside gave
+token of preparation to maltreat us on our exit. Under all these adverse
+conjunctures we thought it wiser to remain where we were till night; so
+we sent for something to the hotel, and made ourselves comfortable in
+the sacristan's room, where, the first shock over, we grew both merry
+and happy, Lord G., as usual, being the life of our party, by that
+buoyant exhilaration that really, Kitty, is the first of all nature's
+gifts.
+
+I already guess whither your thoughts are carrying you, Kitty! Have I
+not divined aright? You are calling to mind the night we passed at the
+old windmill at Gariff, when the bridge was earned away by the flood I
+I vow to you it was uppermost in my own thoughts too! It was there Peter
+first told me of his love! Never till that moment had I the slightest
+suspicion of his feeling towards me. I was young, artless, and
+confiding,--a mere child of nature! Indeed, I must say that he was not
+blameless in taking the advantage he did of my fresh and unsuspecting
+heart! What knew I of the world? How could I anticipate the position I
+was yet to hold in society, or how measure the degree of presumption by
+which he aspired to my hand?
+
+He has many excellent qualities of head and heart. I do not deny it; but
+the deceit he thus practised on me I can never forget I do not desire
+that you should tell him so. No, Kitty. The likelihood is that we may
+never meet again; and I do not wish that one harsh thought should
+mar the memory of the past! It may be that at some future time I can
+befriend and serve him; and he may rest assured that no station of life,
+however exalted and brilliant, will separate me from the ties of early
+friendship. Even now, I am certain, Lord George would oblige me on his
+behalf. Do you think, or could you ascertain, whether he would like
+to go out as surgeon to a convict ship? They tell me that these
+are excellent appointments, and admirably suited to young men of
+enterprising habits and no friends; and that, if they settle in the
+colony, they get several thousand acres of land, and as many natives as
+they can catch. From what I can learn, it would suit P. B., for he was
+always of a romantic turn, and fond of mutton.
+
+How my wandering fancies have led me away! Where was I? Oh, in the
+little vaulted chamber of the sacristan, with its quaint old wainscot
+and its one narrow window, dim and many-paned! It was midnight before
+we left it to return to our hotel, and then the streets were quite
+deserted, and we walked along in silent thoughtfulness, I leaning on
+Lord G.'s arm, and wishing--I know not well why--that we had two miles
+to go!
+
+We are stopping at the "Emperor," a very fine hotel that looks out upon
+the Rhine, and, as my window overhangs the river, I sat and gazed upon
+the rushing waters till nigh daybreak, occasionally adding a line
+to this scrawl to my dearest Kitty, and then wafting a sigh to the
+night-breeze as it stole along.
+
+And now, at length, and after all these windings and digressions, X
+come to what I promised to speak of in the early pail of this rambling
+epistle. We were at breakfast on the morning after what Lord G. calls
+our "cathedral service,"--for he persists in quizzing about it, and says
+that pa was practising to become a "minor canon," when a very handsome
+travelling-carriage drove up to the hotel door, attracting us all to
+the windows by the noise and clatter. It was one of those handsome
+britschkas, Kitty, that at once bespeak the style of their owner;
+scrupulously plain and quiet,--almost Quaker-like in simplicity, but
+elegant in form, and surrounded with all that luxury of cases and
+imperials that show the traveller carries every indulgence and comfort
+along with him.
+
+There was no courier, but a very smartly dressed maid, evidently French,
+occupied the rumble. While we stood speculating as to the new arrival,
+Lord George broke out with a sudden exclamation of astonishment and
+delight, and rushed downstairs. The next moment he was at the side of
+the carriage, from which a very fair, white hand was extended to him.
+It was very easy to see, by his air and manner, that he was on the most
+intimate terms with the fair traveller; nor was it difficult to detect,
+by the gestures of the landlord, that he was deploring the crowded state
+of the hotel, and the impossibility of affording accommodation. As is
+usual on such occasions, a considerable crowd had gathered,--beggars,
+loungers, luggage-porters, waiters, and stablemen, who all eagerly poked
+their heads into the carriage, and seemed to take a lively interest in
+what was going forward, to escape from whose impertinent curiosity Lord
+G. entreated the lady to alight.
+
+To this she consented, and we saw a very elegant-looking person, in a
+kind of half-mourning, descend from the carriage, displaying what James
+called a "stunning foot and ankle" as she alighted. We had no time to
+resume our seats at the breakfast-table, when Lord George rushed in,
+saying, "Only think, there 's Mrs. Gore Hampton arrived, and not a place
+to put her head in! Her stupid courier has, they say, gone on to Bonn,
+although she told him she meant to stay some days here."
+
+Now, my dearest Kitty, I blush to own that not one of us had ever heard
+of Mrs. Gore Hampton till that hour, although unquestionably, from the
+way Lord George announced the name, she was as well known in the great
+world as Albert Prince of Wales and the rest of the Royal Family. We,
+of course, however, did not exhibit our ignorance, but deplored and
+regretted and sorrowed over her misfortune, as though it had been what
+the "Times" calls "a shocking case of destitution."
+
+"It just shows," said Lord George, as he walked hurriedly to and fro,
+rubbing his hands through his hair in distraction, "that with every
+accident of fortune that can befall human beings,--rank, wealth, beauty,
+and accomplishment,--one is not exempt from the annoyances of life. If
+a man were to have laid a bet at Brookes's, that Mrs. Gore Hampton would
+be breakfasting in the public room of an hotel on the Rhine on such a
+day, he 'd have netted a pretty smart sum by the odds."
+
+"And is she?" cried three or four of us together. "Is that possible?"
+
+"It will be an accomplished fact, as the French say, in about ten
+minutes," cried he, "for there is really not a corner unoccupied in the
+hotel."
+
+We looked at each other, Kitty, for some seconds in silence, and then,
+as if by a common impulse, every eye was turned towards papa. Whatever
+his feelings, I cannot pretend to guess, but he evidently shrank from
+our scrutiny, for he opened the "Galignani," and entrenched himself
+behind it.
+
+"I'm sure that either Mary Anne or Cary," broke in mamma, "would
+willingly give up her room."
+
+"Oh! delighted,--but too happy too oblige," cried we together. But Lord
+George stopped us. "That's the worst of it; she is so timid, so fearful
+of giving trouble, and especially when she is not acquainted, that I 'm
+certain she could not bring herself to occasion all this inconvenience."
+
+"But it will be none whatever. If she could be content with one room--"
+
+"One room!" cried he,--"one room is a palace at such a moment But that
+is precisely the value of the sacrifice."
+
+We assured him, again and again, that we thought nothing of it; that the
+opportunity of serving any friend of his--not to speak of one so
+worthy of every attention--was an ample recompense for such a trifling
+inconvenience. We became eloquent and entreating, and at last, I
+actually believe, we had to importune him at least to give the lady
+herself the choice of accepting our proposition.
+
+"Be it so," cried he, suddenly; and, starting up, hurried downstairs to
+convey our message.
+
+When he had left the room, we sat staring at each other, as if
+profoundly conscious that we had done something very magnanimous and
+very splendid, and yet at the same time not quite satisfied that we had
+done it in the right way. Mamma suggested that papa ought to have gone
+down himself with our offer. _He_, on the contrary, said that it was
+_her_ business, or that of one of the girls. James was of opinion that
+a civil note would be the proper thing. "Mrs. Kenny James Dodd, of
+Dodsborough, presents her respectful compliments," and so forth,--thus
+giving us the opportunity of mentioning our ancestral seat, not to speak
+of the advantage of rounding off a monosyllabic name with a sonorous
+termination. James defended his opinion so successfully that I actually
+fetched my writing-desk and opened it on the breakfast-table, when Lord
+George flung wide the door, and announced "Mrs. Gore Hampton."
+
+You may judge of our confusion, when I tell you that mamma was in her
+dressing-gown and without her cap; papa in his shocking old flannel
+_robe de chambre_, with the brown spots, which he calls his "Leprosy,"
+and a pair of fur boots that he wears over his trousers, giving him the
+look of the Russian ferryman we see in the vignette of "Elizabeth, or
+the Exiles of Siberia;" Cary and I in curl-papers, and "not fastened;"
+and James in a sailor's check shirt and Russia-duck trousers, with a red
+sash round him, and an enormous pipe in his hand,--a picturesque group,
+if not a pleasing one. I mention these details, dearest Kitty, less
+as to any relation they bear to ourselves, than for the sake of
+commemorating the inimitable tact of our accomplished visitor. To
+any one of less perfect breeding the situation might have seemed
+awkward,--almost, indeed, ludicrous. Mamma's efforts to make her scanty
+drapery extend to the middle of her legs; papa's struggles to hide his
+feet; James's endeavors to escape by an impracticable door; and Cary
+and myself blushing as we tried to shake out our curls,--made up a scene
+that anything short of courtly good manners might have laughed at.
+
+In this trying emergency she was perfect. The easy grace of her
+step, the elegant quietude of her manner, the courtesy with which she
+acknowledged what she termed "our most thoughtful kindness," were actual
+fascinations. It seemed as if she really carried into the room with her
+an atmosphere of good breeding, for we, magically as it were, forgot all
+about the absurdities of our appearance. Mamma thought no more of her
+almost Highland costume, papa crossed his legs with the air of an old
+elephant, and James leaned over the back of a chair to converse with
+her, as if he had been a captain of the Coldstreams in full uniform. To
+say that she was charming, Kitty, is nothing; for, besides being almost
+perfectly beautiful, there is a grace, a delicacy, a feminine refinement
+in her manner, that make you feel her loveliness almost secondary to her
+elegance. It seemed, besides, like an instinct to her, the way she fell
+in with all our humors, enjoying with keen zest papa's acute and droll
+remarks about the Continent and the habits of foreigners, mamma's
+opinions on the subject of dress and domestic economy, and James's
+notions of "fast men" and "smart people" in general.
+
+She repeatedly assured us that she concurred in everything we said, and
+gave exactly the same reasons for preferring the Continent to England
+that we did, instancing the very fact of our making acquaintance in this
+unceremonious manner, as a palpable case in point. "Had we been at the
+Star and Garter at Windsor, or the Albion at Brighton," said she,
+"you had certainly left me to my fate, and I should not have been now
+enjoying the privilege of an acquaintance that I trust is not destined
+to end here."
+
+Oh, Kitty! if you could but have heard the tone of winning softness with
+which she uttered words simple as these. But, indeed, the real charm of
+manner is to invest commonplaces with interest, and impart to the mere
+nothings of intercourse a kind of fictitious value and importance. She
+congratulated us so heartily on travelling _without_ a courier,--the
+very thing we were at the moment ashamed of, and that mamma was trying
+all manner of artifices to conceal. "It is so sensible of you," said
+she, "so independent, and shows that you thoroughly understand the
+Continent. Travelling as _I_ do,"--there was a sorrowful tenderness
+as she said this, that brought the tears to my eyes,--"travelling as
+I do,"--she paused, and only resumed after a moment of difficulty,--"a
+courier is indispensable; but _you_ have no such necessity."
+
+"And Gregoire apparently wants to show you how well you could do without
+him," cried Lord George. "He has gone on to Bonn, and left you here to
+your destiny."
+
+"Oh, but he is such a good, careful old creature," said she, "that,
+though he _does_ make fearful mistakes, I cannot be angry with him."
+
+"It's very kind of you to say so," resumed he; "but if _I_ told him
+that I meant to stop at Cologne, and _he_ went forward to order rooms at
+Bonn, I 'd break his neck when we met."
+
+"Then I assure you I shall do no such thing," added she, taking off her
+gloves, as if to show how unsuited her beautifully taper fingers, all
+glittering with gems, would be to any such occupation.
+
+"And now you 'll have to wait here for Fordyce?" said he, half angrily.
+
+"Of course I shall!" said she, with a sweet smile.
+
+Lord George made some rejoinder, but I could not hear it, to this; and
+so, Kitty, we all determined that instead of at once setting out for
+Bonn, we should stay and dine with Mrs. Gore Hampton, and not leave her
+till evening,--a kindness at which she really seemed overjoyed, thanking
+each of us again and again for our "dear good-nature."
+
+And now, Kitty, I have just left her to hasten off these lines by
+post hour. My heart is yet fluttering with the delight of her charming
+conversation, and my hand trembles as I write myself
+
+Your ever attached and fascinated friend,
+
+Mart Anne Dodd.
+
+Hotel de l'Empereur, Cologne.
+
+P. S. Mrs. G. H. has just slipped, into my dressing-room to say that
+she is so sorry that we are going away; that she feels as if we were
+actually old friends already. She has, evidently, some secret sorrow;
+would that I knew how to console her!
+
+We are to write to each other; but I am not to show her letters to Cary:
+this she made an express stipulation. She thinks Cary "a sweet girl, but
+volatile;" and I believe, Kitty, that there is something of levity in
+her character, which is its greatest defect.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XVI. KENNY I. DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE ORANGE, BRUFF
+
+My dear Tom,--There 's an old Turkish proverb, to the effect that,
+whenever a man finds himself happy, he should immediately sit down and
+write word of it to his friends; for the great likelihood is, that if he
+loses a post, he 'll have to change his note. Depend upon it, the adage
+has some truth in it! If, for example, I 'd have finished and sent off
+a letter I began to you last Wednesday, I 'd have given you a very
+favorable account of myself and our prospects here. The place seemed
+very much what we were looking for,--a quiet little University town on
+the bank of this fine river,--snug and comfortable, and yet, at the
+same time, not shut in, but with glorious expansive views on every
+side; shady walks for noonday, and hill rambles for sunset; museums
+and collections for bad weather occupation, and that kind of simple,
+unostentatious living that bespeaks a community of small fortunes and as
+small ambitions.
+
+A quaint-looking, half-shy, half-defiant look in the faces showed that
+if not very great or very rich folk, they still had other and perhaps
+not less sterling claims to worldly reverence; and so they have too!
+There are some of the first men, not only in Germany but in Europe,
+here, living on the income of a London butler, and letting the "first
+floor furnished" to people like the Dodd family.
+
+It is a great privation to me that I don't speak German, for something
+tells me we should suit each other wonderfully! Don't mistake me, Tom,
+and fancy that I am saying this out of any conceit in my abilities,
+or any false notion of my education. I believe, in my heart, I have as
+little of one thing as the other; and the only wise thing my father ever
+did was to take me away from Dr. Bell's when I was thirteen, and when
+he saw that putting Latin and Greek into me was like sowing barley in a
+bog,--a waste of good seed in a soil not fit for it. But I 'll tell you
+why I think I 'd get on well with these Germans. They seem to be a kind
+of dreamy, thoughtful, imaginative creatures, that would relish the dry,
+commonplace thoughts, and hard, practical hints of a man like myself.
+I could n't discuss a classical subject with them, nor talk about the
+varieties of the Greek dialects; but I could converse pleasantly enough
+about the difference between the ancients and ourselves in points of
+government and on matters of social life. I know little of books, but
+I 've seen a good deal of men; and if it be objected that they were
+chiefly of my own country, I answer at once, that, however strongly
+impressed with his nationality, there's not a man in any country of
+Europe so versatile, so many-sided, and so difficult to understand,
+as Paddy. Don't be frightened, Tom; I 'm not going off into the
+"ethnologies," and not a word will you hear from me about the facial
+angle, or frontal development! I 'm not speaking of Pat as if he were
+a plaster cast to be measured with a rule and marked with a piece of
+charcoal; I 'm talking of him as he is, in a frieze coat or one of
+broadcloth,--a sceptical, credulous, patient, headlong, calculating,
+impulsive, miserly spendthrift; a species of bull incarnate, that never
+prospers till he is ruined outright, and only has real success in life
+when all the odds are against him.
+
+Ireland 's birdlime to me,--I stick fast if I only touch it; and why
+ain't I back there, growling about the markets, cursing the poor-rates,
+and enjoying myself as I used to do? Doesn't it strike you, Tom, that
+we take more "out" of ourselves in Ireland--in the way of temper, I
+mean--than any other people we hear of in history? Paddy often reminds
+me of those cutters on the American lakes, where they saw across the
+timbers to give them greater speed; we go fast, it is true, but we
+strain ourselves terribly for the sake of it.
+
+And now to come back to Bonn: there is really much to like in it. It is
+cheap, it is quiet without seclusion, and there's no snobbery. You know
+what I mean, Tom. There 's not a tilbury, nor a tiger, nor a genteel
+tea-party in the town. I don't know of a single waistcoat with more
+than five colors in it; and, except James and the head waiter, there 's
+nobody wears diamond shirt buttons. In fact, if we must live out of our
+country, I thought that this was about the best spot we could fix upon.
+We made an excellent bargain at our hotel; ten pounds a week was to
+cover everything; no extras of any kind after that; so that at last I
+began to see my way before me, and perceive some chance of solving
+that curious problem that torments alike chancellors and country
+gentlemen,--how to meet expenditure by income.
+
+Masters in German, music, and mathematics, and other little odds and
+ends, took a couple of pounds more; and I allowed myself ten shillings
+a week for what the doctor calls "my little charities," that now
+resolve themselves into threepenny whist, or a game of ninepins with the
+Professor of Oriental languages. Even _you_, Tom--"Joe" as you are about
+the budget--couldn't pick a hole in this! Not that I want to give myself
+credit for a measure absolutely imperative; for, to say the truth, our
+late performances in Brussels were of the very costliest, and even
+Liege ran away with a deal of money. Doctors have about the same ideas
+respecting your cash account as your constitution. They never leave
+either in a state of plethora! Now, as I was saying, my letter, begun on
+Wednesday last, had all these details, and might have concluded with a
+flattering picture of James hard at his studies, and the girls not less
+diligently occupied with their music and embroidery,--the two resources
+by which modern ingenuity fancies it keeps female minds employed! As if
+Double-Bass or Berlin wool were disinfecting liquors! I could also have
+added that Mrs. D. had fallen into that peculiar condition which is
+natural to her whenever she finds a place stupid and unexciting, and
+what she fondly fancies to be a religious frame of mind; in other words,
+she took to reading her breviary, and worrying Betty Cobb about her
+duties; got up for five o'clock mass, and insisted upon Friday coming
+three times a week. I could bear all this for quietness' sake; and if
+fish diet could insure peace, I 'd be content to live upon isinglass for
+the rest of my days.
+
+Mrs. D., however, is not a woman to do things by halves; there's no John
+Russellism about her; and now that she had taken this serious turn, I
+saw clearly enough what was in store for us. I had actually ordered a
+small silk skull-cap, as a protection to my head, not knowing when I
+might be sent to do duty in a procession, when suddenly the wind veered
+round, and began to blow very fresh in exactly the opposite quarter.
+You must know, Tom, that just before we left Cologne we chanced to
+make acquaintance with a certain very fashionable person,--a Mrs. Gore
+Hampton. She was standing disconsolately to be rained on, in the street,
+when Lord George brought her upstairs to our rooms, and introduced her
+to us. She was, I must say, what is popularly called a very splendid
+woman,--tall, dark-eyed, and dashing, with a bewitching smile, and that
+kind of voice that somehow makes commonplaces very graceful. She had,
+too, that wonderful tact--wherever it comes from I can't guess--to suit
+us all, without seeming to take the slightest trouble about the matter.
+
+She talked to Mrs. D. about London fashionable life, just as if they had
+both been going out together for the last three or four seasons; ay,
+and stranger still, without even once puzzling her, or making her feel
+astray in the geography of this _terra incognita_. I conclude she was
+equally successful with the girls; and though she scarcely addressed a
+word to James, I suppose she must have made up for it by a look, for he
+has never ceased raving of her since.
+
+I have n't told you how she "landed" me, for I 'm not above confessing
+that I was as bad as the rest; but the truth is, Tom, I don't really
+know how I was caught. I am too old for these blandishments; they no
+more suit me now than a tight boot or a runaway hack; one gets too
+rheumatic and too stiff in the joints for homage after fifty; and
+besides that, there's a kind of croaking conscience that whispers,
+"Don't be making a fool of yourself, Kenny James!" and, between you and
+me, Tom, 't is well for us when we 're not too deaf to hear it.
+
+Besides this; Tom, it is only the fellows that never were in love when
+they were young that become irretrievably entangled in after life. If
+you want to see a true sexagenarian victim, look out for some hang-dog,
+downcast, mopish creature, or some suspectful, wary, crafty, red-haired
+rascal, that thought every woman had a trap laid for him. These are your
+hopeless cases; these are the men that always die in some mysterious
+manner, and leave wills behind them to be litigated for half a century.
+
+The Kenny Dodds of this world come into another category. They knew that
+love and the measles are mildest in young constitutions, and so they
+began early. Maybe it was in a firm reliance on this that I felt so easy
+about the widow,--if widow she be; for, to tell the truth, I don't yet
+know if Mr. Gore Hampton be to the fore or only has left her a memory of
+his virtues.
+
+I leave you to guess what impression she made upon me; for the more I
+go on trying to explain and refine upon it the less intelligible do I
+become. One thing, however, I must say,--these charming women are the
+ruin of Irishmen! Our own fair creatures, with a great share of good
+looks, and far more than ordinary agreeability, are not so dangerous as
+the English, and for this reason: in their demands for admiration they
+are too general; they--so to say--fire at the whole covey; now, your
+Englishwoman marks her bird,' and never goes home till she bags it!
+
+We were to have left Cologne that morning for Bonn, but so agreeably did
+the time pass, that we did n't start till evening, and even then it was
+quite tearing ourselves away; for the delightful widow--for widow I must
+call her till she shows cause to the contrary--hourly gained on us.
+
+She was obliged to wait there for some lawyers or men of business that
+were to follow her with papers to sign; and although Lord George did his
+best to persuade her that she might as well come on with us,--that Bonn
+was only fifteen miles farther,--she was firm, and said that "Old Mr.
+For-dyce was a great prig, and when she had once named Cologne for their
+meeting, she would have travelled from Naples rather than break the
+appointment." I own to you, there was a tenacity and determination in
+all that which pleased me. Maybe the great charm of it was that it was
+very unlike what I 'd have done myself!
+
+The whole way to Bonn we talked of nothing but her, the discussion being
+all the more unconstrained that Lord George had stayed behind, and
+was only to come up the next morning. We were agreed upon a number
+of points: her beauty, her elegance, the grace and fascination of her
+manner, and her high breeding; but we took different views as to her
+condition,--Mrs. D. and the girls thinking that she was married, James
+and I standing out for widowhood. Lord George joined us the next day;
+and although he could have resolved our doubts at once, Mary Anne
+stopped all inquiry, by assuring us that nothing was so hopelessly
+vulgar as to display any ignorance about the family or connections of
+people of rank. "If she be in the peerage, we ought to know her, and all
+about her. She is, of course, some Augusta Louisa, b. 18 and dash; m. to
+the Honorable Leopold Conway Gore Hampton, third son, and so on." In a
+word, Tom, we had the whole family tree before us, from its old gnarled
+root to its last bud, and ours the shame if we were ignorant of its
+botanical properties!
+
+A few quiet humdrum days of Bonn existence had almost obliterated our
+memory of the charming widow, and we were beginning to "train off"
+our attachments to fashionable life, when, in all the splashing and
+whip-cracking of foreign posting, up dashes the dark green britschka
+to our hotel one fine evening; and before we could well recognize the
+carriage, the fair owner herself was making the tour of the Dodd family,
+embracing and hand-shaking, as age and sex dictated!
+
+I wish any physiologist would explain why the English, that are so
+proverbial for a cold and chilling demeanor at home, grow at once so
+cordial when they come abroad. Whether it be the fear of the damp, or
+the swell mob, I can't tell, but everybody in England goes about with
+his hands in his pockets, and only nods to a friend when he meets him;
+whereas here you start with a grin at fifty yards off, then off goes
+your hat with a flourish, that, if you have any tact, what with shaking
+your head, and looking overcome with delight, occupies you till you come
+up with him, when your greeting grows more enthusiastic,--lucky if it
+does not finish with a kiss on both cheeks.
+
+I suppose it was the influence of habit betrayed me, for, in a fit of
+abstraction, I took the charming widow into my arms, and saluted her as
+if she were Mrs. Dodd. If this was in London, Tom, or even in Dublin,
+there 's no saying what mischief might not have grown out of it. I might
+have been fighting duels every day for the last week, not to mention
+still more formidable encounters of a domestic nature; but just to show
+you what the Continent does for us,--how instinctively, as it were, we
+rise above the little narrow prejudices of our insular situation,--she
+threw herself into a chair and laughed immoderately. Ay, and droller
+again, so did Mrs. D.! To tell you the truth, Tom, I could n't well
+believe my senses when I saw it. It would seem to be the same in morals
+as in murder,--you can dignify the offence by the rank of your victim;
+for if it had been one of the maids at home, Mrs. D. would have left my
+face like a piece of music paper!
+
+[Illustration: 214]
+
+There 's a great deal in how you open an acquaintance! You may be
+card-leaving, and bowing, and how-d'ye-doing for years, and never get
+farther; or, on the other hand, by some lucky accident, you come plump
+down into the right place, just as a chance shell will now and then drop
+into a magazine, and finish an engagement at once.
+
+In less than an hour after her arrival, Mrs. Gore Hampton was one of
+ourselves. It was not that she was calling the girls dearest Cary, and
+darling Mary Anne, but she had got a regular sisterly tone with Mrs. D.
+and myself--treating James all the while as if he was about twelve years
+old, and at home for the holidays. She had not only done all this, but
+before luncheon was on the table we had ratified a solemn league
+and covenant that she was to travel with us, and be one of us, going
+wherever we went, and living as we did. How the treaty was ever mooted,
+who proposed, and who signed it, I know no more than the man in the
+moon. It was done in a kind of rattling, bantering fashion; and when we
+rose from table it was all settled. Mrs. Gore Hampton was to take
+Cary and Mary Anne with her in the britschka; the "dear boy"--viz.
+James--would be the "guard in the rumble." There was a place for
+everybody and everything; and I believe, if any one had proposed that I
+should ride the leader, it would have been carried without opposition.
+Never was there such unanimity! The whole arrangement was huddled up
+like a road-presentment on a Grand Jury, or a private bill before the
+House on a "Wednesday afternoon. As for myself, if I had even the will,
+I could not have summoned the shamelessness to offer any opposition to
+the measure.
+
+"Devilish good thing for you, Dodd!" whispered Lord George. "Mrs. G.
+knows everybody in the world, and doesn't care for money."--"Oh, papa!
+she is delightful; there never was such a piece of good fortune as our
+meeting with her," cried Mary Anne. And Mrs. D. assured me that, for
+the very first time in her life, she had met a person thoroughly
+companionable to her in all respects; in fact, a "kindred soul," though
+not a "blood relation."
+
+Now, Tom, considering that we came abroad to enjoy the advantages of
+high society, fashionable habits, and * refined associations, this
+accident did indeed seem a propitious one; for, disguise it how we may,
+the great world is a dangerous ocean to venture upon without a pilot.
+Our own little experiences might teach that lesson. We sailed out in all
+the confidence of a stout crew and a safe vessel, and a pretty voyage
+we made of it! Perhaps we did not make more mistakes than our neighbors,
+but assuredly our blunders were neither few nor insignificant!
+
+Mrs G., however, would soon rectify all this. "No more making
+acquaintance with wrong people, K. I." says Mrs. D.; "no more getting
+into vulgar intimacies at the _cafe_, and cementing friendships over a
+game of dominos. James will know the class of young men that he ought
+to mix with, and the girls will only dance with suitable partners." It
+sounded well, Tom! It was a grand protective policy, that really secured
+the Dodd family in the possession of all home advantages, and relieved
+them of all aggressions "from the foreigner."
+
+If we had fallen on a prize in the lottery, I don't think the joy of our
+circle could have been greater. I am not going to pretend that I did n't
+join in it! I make no affectation of prudent reserve and caution, and
+Heaven knows what other elegant qualities, that, however natural to
+other people, very seldom fall to the lot of an Irishman. I vow to you,
+Tom, I went off full cry like the rest of the pack. She is a fine woman,
+this Mrs. Gore Hampton; she has a low, soft voice, a very bewitching
+smile, and a way of looking at you while you are talking to her, that
+somehow half suggests to yourself that you must be making love without
+knowing it. Now, don't misunderstand me, Tom, and come out with one of
+your long whistles, as much as to say, "Kenny James is as great a fool
+as ever!" No such thing! a suit in Chancery, the repeal of the corn
+laws, and the Estates Court, have made me an altered man. The very
+nature of me is changed, and changed so much that many's the time I ask
+myself, "Is this Kenny Dodd? Where upon earth is that light-hearted,
+careless, hopeful vagabond, that always took the sunny road in life,
+though maybe it was n't exactly the way to the place he was going?" I'm
+another man now; I 'm wiser, as they call it; and, upon my conscience, I
+'m mighty sorry for it!
+
+But I hear you say, "Have n't you just confessed that you were--what
+shall I call it?--fascinated by the widow?"
+
+And if I did, Tom Purcell, do you mean to tell me that you would have
+escaped her? Not a bit of it. The brown wig would have been set a little
+more forward, so as to bring one of those silky curls over your
+right eye. I think I see you exchanging your spectacles for a double
+eye-glass, and turning out your toes so as to display to the best
+advantage that shapely calf in its trim brown silk stocking. Ah, Tom!
+not even quarter sessions and a rate in aid will drive these thoughts
+out of an Irishman's head.
+
+From the moment that this new alliance was signed, we entered upon a
+new existence. Bonn, as I have told you, was a quiet little collegiate
+place, with primitive habits of no very expensive kind. The chief
+pleasures were weak wine in a garden, or small whist in a summer-house,
+with now and then an "aesthetic tea," as they phrase it, at the
+Pro-Rector's; of which, of course, I understand nothing, but sincerely
+hope the discourse was better than the beverage. It was, I own it,
+Tom, a strange kind of life, that seemed to me always like a moral
+convalescence, when you were only strong enough for small virtues. One
+undoubted advantage it had,--it was inexpensive, Tom. We were living,
+with few comforts and some privations, I confess, at only one-third more
+than we used to spend at Dodsbor-ough; and, considering that we know
+nothing of the language, I conclude that we were enjoying the Continent
+as cheaply as was practicable.
+
+I won't pretend that it suited me. I don't want you to believe that I
+was taking a scientific or a studious turn. Still I liked the place for
+one thing, which was this,--its quiet monotony, its placid, unvarying
+simplicity was telling upon Mrs. D. and the children in an astonishing
+manner. It was exactly the way that the water-cure works its wonders
+with old drunkards; the mountain air, the light diet, and the early
+hours being the best of the remedy. They were getting into a healthy
+state of mind without ever suspecting it.
+
+Our grand junction, as Cary calls it, finished this; from the day Mrs.
+G. arrived our reforms began. First, we had to change our hotel, and
+betake ourselves to one on the river-side, three times as dear, and not
+one-fourth as good.
+
+The second story was fine enough for us before; now we have the whole
+"premier," taking two rooms more than we want, lest anybody should live
+on the same floor with us. Instead of the _table d'hote_, that was cheap
+and cheerful, we were to dine upstairs,--"a particular dinner," as they
+call what is particularly bad, and costly besides. Then we have had to
+hire two lackeys, one of whom sits in an anteroom all day reading
+the newspaper, and only rises to make me a grand bow as I pass; which
+worries me so much that I usually go down by the back stairs to escape
+him.
+
+We have two job coaches, for we are too many for one, and a boat hired
+by the week, with a considerable retinue of mountain ponies and donkeys,
+guides, goats, whey-sellers, and geological specimen-folk without end.
+If Mrs. G. was only fashionable, we could n't be more than ruined; but
+she is learned and literary, and given to the "ologies," Tom, and that's
+what I fear will drive us clean mad. She has an eternal restlessness in
+her to be at something; one day, it's the date of a medal; the next, it
+is the family connections of a "moss," or the chemistry of a meteoric
+stone; and, shall I own to you, my dear friend, that I don't believe
+she either understands or cares one jot about them all? There 's a big
+herbarium bound in green, and a grand book of autographs in blue and
+gold, on the drawing-room table; there's a bit of "gneiss," a big
+beetle, and a fossil frog on the chimney-piece; but my name isn't
+Kenny Dodd if she has n't more sympathies with modern dandies than
+antediluvian monsters. That's my private opinion;" and, of course, I
+mention it in confidence. You 'll say, "What matter is that to you?"
+and, true enough, it is not, as regards her; but what will become of
+us, if Mrs. D. takes a turn for entomology or comparative anatomy, and
+worse, maybe? She's just the kind of woman to do it. She'd learn the
+tight-rope if she thought it was fashionable, or, as the newspapers say,
+"patronized by the aristocracy." Now, Tom, you can fancy the unknown
+sea upon which we have embarked. For, however unadapted we may be to
+fashionable life, one thing is quite clear,--we never were made for the
+abstract sciences; and it strikes me forcibly that the great lesson of
+Continental life is that everybody can do everything. I am not going to
+say that it is not a pleasant and a very flattering theory, but is it
+quite safe, Tom? That's the question. The highest step I ever attained
+in chemistry was how to concoct a tumbler of punch; and my knowledge of
+botany does not go far beyond distinguishing "greens" from geraniums;
+and it's not at my time of life that I'm to drive myself crazy with
+hard names and classifications; and if I know anything of Mrs. D., her
+intellectual faculties have attained all the vigor that nature meant for
+them many a year ago.
+
+My own private opinion about these sciences is, they 're capital things
+for employing young people, and keeping them out of wickedness! The
+fellows that teach them, too, are musty, snuff-taking, prosy old dogs,
+with heavy shoes and greasy cravats,--the very reverse of your race of
+dancing and music masters, who are a pestilent crew! So that, for a
+man who has daughters abroad, my advice is--stick to the sciences.
+Gray sandstone is safer than the polka, and there's not as dangerous
+an experiment in all chemistry as singing duets with some black-bearded
+blackguard from Naples or Palermo. Now mind, Tom, this counsel of mine
+applies to the education of the young; for when people come to the
+forties, you may rely upon it, if they set about learning anything, they
+'ll have the devil for a schoolmaster. What does all the geology mean?
+Junketing, Tom,--nothing but junketing! Primitive rock is another name
+for picnic, and what they call quartz is a figurative expression for
+iced champagne. Just reflect for a moment, and see what it comes to.
+You can enter a protest against family extravagances when they take the
+shape of balls and soirees, but what are you to do against botanical
+excursions and antiquarian researches? It 's like writing yourself down
+Goth at once to oppose these. "Oh, papa hates chemistry; he despises
+natural history," that's the cry at once, and they hold me up to
+ridicule, just in the way the rascally Protestant newspapers did Dr.
+Cullen for saying that he did n't believe the world was round. If the
+liberty of the subject be worth anything,--if the right for which the
+same Protestants are always prating, private judgment, be the great
+privilege they deem it,--why should n't Dr. Cullen have his own opinion
+about the shape of the earth? He can say, "It suits _me_ to think I 'm
+walking erect on a flat surface, and not crawling along with my head
+down, like a fly on the ceiling! I 'm happier when I believe what does
+n't puzzle my understanding, and I don't want any more miracles than
+we have in the Church." He may say that, and I'd like to know what harm
+does that do you or me? Does it endanger the Protestant succession or
+the State religion? Not a bit of it, Tom. The real fact is simply this:
+private judgment is a boon they mean to keep for themselves, and never
+share with their neighbors. So far as I have seen of life, there's no
+such tyrant as your Protestant, and for this reason: it's bad enough
+to force a man to believe something that he doesn't like, but it's ten
+times worse to make him disbelieve what he's well satisfied with; and
+that's exactly what they do. Even on the ground of common humanity it is
+indefensible. If my private judgment goes in favor of saints' toe-nails
+and martyrs' shin-bones, I have a right to my opinion, and you have
+no right to attack it. Besides, I won't be badgered into what may suit
+somebody else to think. My opinion is like my flannel waistcoat, that
+I'll take off or put on as the weather requires; and I think it very
+cruel if I must wear _mine_ simply because _you_ feel cold.
+
+I get warm--I almost grow angry--when I think of these things; and I
+wonder within myself why our people don't expose them as they might.
+Not that some are not doing the duty well and manfully, Tom. M'Hale is a
+glorious fellow; and for blackguarding a Prime Minister, for a real good
+effective slanging, it's hard to find his equal. He never embarrasses
+himself with logic,--he wastes no time in arguing, but "goes in" at
+once, and plants his blow between the eyes! That's what the English
+can't stand. They want discussion. They are always fishing for evidence
+for this, and a proof of that; but come down on them with a strong
+torrent of foul abuse, and you sweep them away like mud in a mill-race.
+
+That's where we always beat them in our controversial discussions, Tom;
+and we never failed so long as we relied on this superiority. It was
+like the bayonet in the hands of our infantry.
+
+Is n't it strange how I get back to Ireland in spite of me? I 'm like
+that madman in the story that can't keep Charles the First out of his
+memorial? And, after all, why should I? Is there anything more natural
+than to think of my country, if I can't manage to live in it? And this
+reminds me to ask you about home matters. What was it you wrote at the
+end of your letter about Jones McCarthy? I can't make out the word,
+whether it is his "death," or his "debts;" though, from my experience of
+the family, I surmise it to be the latter. If it's dead he is, I suppose
+we 'll come in for that blessed legacy that Mrs. D. has been talking
+about every day for the last twenty-five years, the history of which I
+have heard so often that I actually know nothing about it, except that
+it was the only bit of property possessed by my wife's relations they
+couldn't make away with. It was so strictly "tied up," as they call it
+in law, that nobody could ever get the use of it,--pretty much like the
+silver sixpence given to a schoolboy, with the express stipulation that
+he is never to change it.
+
+I am rather curious to know what Mrs. D. will think of these "wise
+provisions" of her ancestors, if she succeeds to the bequest. To tell
+you the plain truth, Tom, I don't know a greater misfortune for a man
+that has married a wife without money, than to discover at the end of
+some fifteen or twenty years that somebody has left her a few hundred
+pounds! It is not only that she conceives visions of unbounded
+extravagance, and raves about all manner of expense, but she begins to
+fancy herself an heiress that was thrown away, and imagines wonderful
+destinies she might have arrived at, if she had n't had the bad luck to
+meet you. For a real crab-apple of discord, I 'll back a few hundreds in
+the Three per Cents against all the family jars that ever were invented.
+Save us then from this, if you can, Tom. There must surely be twenty
+ways to avoid the legacy; and so that Mrs. D. does n't hear of it, I 'd
+rather you 'd prove her illegitimate than allow her to succeed to this
+bequest I 'll not enlarge upon all I feel about this subject, hoping
+that by your skill and address we may never bear more of it; but I tell
+you, frankly, I 'd face the small-pox with a stouter heart than the news
+of succeeding to the M'Carthy inheritance.
+
+There are many other matters I intended to write about, but I believe I
+must keep them for the next time; such as the plan for taking away the
+Church property, and the income-tax for Ireland; and that business of
+the Madiais, that I read of in the papers. So far as I have seen, Tom,
+the King of Tuscany--if that be his name--was right. There were plenty
+of books the Madiais might have read without breaking the laws. There
+are translations of all the rascally French novels of the day, from
+Georges Sand down to Paul de Kock; and if they wanted mischief, might
+n't these have satisfied them? But the truth is, Protestants are never
+easy without they are attacking the true Church, and if there were more
+of them sent to the galleys, the world would be all the quieter.
+
+You amaze me about the Great Exhibition for this year in Dublin. Faith!
+I remember when I used to think that the less we exhibited ourselves the
+better! I suppose times are changed. I think, if I could send Mrs. D.
+over as a specimen of Continental plating on Irish manufacture, she 'd
+deserve a place, and maybe a prize.
+
+Well, well! it's a queer world we live in. They 've just come to tell
+me that the man of the post-office has shut up an hour earlier, as he is
+engaged out to dine, so that I 'll keep this open till to-morrow's mail.
+
+
+Wednesday Morning. I suspect that the mischief is done, Tom,--I mean
+about the legacy. Mrs. D. received a strange-looking, square-shaped,
+formally addressed epistle this morning, the contents of which, not
+being a demand for money, she did not communicate to me. She and Mary
+Anne both retired to peruse it in secret, and when they again appeared
+in the drawing-room, it was with an air of conscious pride and
+self-possession that smacked terribly of a bequest I own to you, the
+prospect alarms me; it may be that my fears take an exaggerated shape,
+but I can't shake off the impression that this is the hardest trial I
+had ever to go through.
+
+I know her in most of her moods, Tom, and have got a kind of way
+of managing her in each of them,--not very successful, perhaps, but
+sufficiently so to get on with. I have seen her in straits about money;
+I have seen her in her jealous fits; I have seen her in her moments
+of family pride; and I have repeatedly seen her on what she calls
+"her dying couch,"--an opportunity she always seizes to say the most
+disagreeable things she can think of, so that I often speculate what she
+'d say if she was really going off: but all these convey no notion to me
+of how she 'd behave if she thought herself rich. As for our poverty, we
+never knew anything else; the jealousy I 'm getting used to; the
+family pride often gives me a hearty laugh when I 'm alone; and I am
+as hardened about death-bed scenes as if I was an undertaker. It's the
+prosperity I have n't strength for, Tom; and I feel it.
+
+Maybe, after all, it's only false terror alarms me. I hope it may turn
+out so; and in this last wish I am sure of your hearty sympathy and good
+feeling.
+
+Ever yours, most sincerely,
+
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XVII. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH
+
+The Rhine Hotel, Bonn.
+
+MY dear Molly,--If my well-known hand did not strike you, the sight of
+all the black around this letter, and the mourning seal, might suggest
+the thought that your poor Jemima was no more. Your next impression
+will be that Providence had sent for K. I. No, my dear Molly, I am still
+reserved for more trials in this vale of tears. I must bear my burden
+further! As for K. I., he's just as he used to be,--croaking away about
+the pain in his toe, or a gouty cramp in his stomach. He's always taking
+things that disagrees with him, and what he calls the "correctives"
+makes him worse. I cannot give you the least notion of how irritable he
+'s grown. You know as well as anybody the blessings he has about him. I
+don't speak of myself, nor the stock I came from. I don't want to
+revive the dreadful mistake that I made in my youth, nor to mention
+the struggles I 've had with him on every subject for more than
+five-and-twenty years,--struggles, my dear Molly, that would have killed
+any one that had n't the constitution of a horse; but that now, thanks
+to the goodness of Providence, have become a part of my nature, so that
+there is n't an hour of the day or night that I 'm not able and willing
+to dispute and argue with him on any question whatsoever. I don't want
+to mention these blessings,--but is n't there James and Mary Anne, and,
+indeed, except for some things, Caroline,--was there ever a father with
+more reason to be proud? And so you 'd say if you only saw them. As a
+dear friend of mine, Mrs. Gore Hampton, said this morning, "Where
+will you see such natural advantages?" And I must own, Molly, it's not
+flattery; for the way they talk French and waltz, even how they come
+into a room, salute, or sit down, has something in it that shows them to
+be brought up in the top of fashion.
+
+Any other man than K. I. would overflow with gratitude for all this, but
+you 'd scarcely believe, Molly, he only ridicules it!
+
+"If we meant her for the stage," says he,--this is the way he talks of
+Mary Anne,--"if we meant her for the stage, I think she has effrontery
+enough to stand before a full house, and I don't say it would discompose
+her; but for the wife of some respectable man of the middle rank, I see
+no use in all this flouncing about here, and flourishing there,
+whisking through a room, upsetting small tables and crockery by way of
+gracefulness, and never sitting down on a chair till she has spread out
+her petticoats like a peacock!"
+
+If I 've said it once to him, Molly, I 've said it fifty times, there's
+nothing I despise so much as a respectable man in the middle rank.
+There's no refinement about them,--no elegance! They may be what's
+called estimable in their families; but what's the use of all that for
+the world at large? A man can only have one wife, but he may have a
+thousand acquaintances. We don't ask how amiable he is at home; what we
+want is, that he should be delightful abroad. "That," says Lord George,
+"is true, both socially and economically; it's the grand principle
+that everybody stands up for, 'the greatest happiness of the greatest
+number!'" And talking of this, I 'd strenuously advise your cultivating
+your mind on matters of political economy. It appears dry and
+uninteresting at first, but as you get on it improves wonderfully, and
+takes a great hold of the mind. I don't think I was ever more unhappy
+than since I read a chapter describing what would become of us when the
+population got too thick; and if the unthinking creatures in Ireland
+don't take warning, it's exactly what will happen. When my mind was full
+of it, I ordered up Betty Cobb, and gave her such a lecture about it she
+'ll never forget.
+
+But you 'll say it's not for this I 'm gone into black; neither is
+it, Molly,--it's for my poor relative, the late Jones McCarthy, of the
+Folly, one of the last surviving members of the great McCarthy stock, in
+the west of Ireland. Grief and sorrow for the miserable condition of his
+country preyed upon him, and made him seek obliteration in drink;
+and more's the pity, for he was a man of enlarged understanding and
+capacious mind. My heart overflows when I think of the beautiful
+sentiments I 've heard from him at various times. He loved his country,
+and it was a treat to hear him praise it. "Ah!" he would say, "there's
+but one blot on her,--the judges is rogues, the Government 's rogues,
+the grand jury's rogues, and the people is villains!"
+
+He died as he lived, a little in drink, but a true patriot "Tell
+Jemima," says he, "I forgive her. She was a child when she married, and
+she never meant to disgrace us; but as she now succeeds to the estate, I
+hope she 'll have the pride to resume the family name."
+
+Yes, Molly, the M'Carthy property, that once extended from Gorramuck to
+Knocksheedownie, with seventeen townlands and four baronies, descends
+now to me. To be sure, it was all mortgaged over and over again, and
+'tis little there's left but the parchments and the maps; and, except
+the property in the funds, there 's not a great deal coming to me. This
+is all that I know at present, for Waters, the attorney, writes in such
+a confused way, I can make nothing of it, and I don't wish to show the
+letter to K. I. That seems strange to you, Molly, but you 'll think it
+stranger when I tell you that the bare notion of my succeeding to the
+estate drives him half crazy. He thinks that all the money being on his
+side makes up for his low birth, and makes a Dodd equal to a M'Carthy,
+and that now when I get my fortune the tables will be turned. Maybe he
+'s right there; I won't say that he is not; but sure it would be time
+enough to show this feeling when my manner was changed to him.
+
+I suppose he must have heard something from Purcell about the matter,
+for when I came into the room, with my eyes red from crying, he said,
+"Is it for old Jones M'Carthy you 're crying? Begad, then, you must have
+a feeling heart, for you never saw him since you were three years old!"
+
+Did you ever hear a more barbarous speech, Molly, not to say a more
+ignorant one? Twenty or thirty years might be a very long time in a
+family called Dodd, but is it more than a week or so in one with the
+name of M'Carthy? And so I told him.
+
+"You don't pretend that you 're sorry after him?" says he. And I could
+only answer him with my sobs. "If it was Giles Moore, the distiller,"
+says he, "that went into mourning, one could understand the sense of it,
+for _he_ has lost a friend indeed!"
+
+"They're to bury him in Cloughdesman Abbey," says I, not wishing to let
+his sarcastic remarks provoke me.
+
+"They need n't take much trouble about embalming him, anyway," says he,
+"for there's more whiskey soaked into him than could preserve a whole
+family!"
+
+You may think, Molly, how far I was overcome by grief when he ventured
+to talk this way to me; and, indeed, I left the room in a flood of
+tears. When I grew more composed, I went over Waters's letter again with
+Mary Anne, but without any great success. There is so much law in it,
+and so many words that we never saw before, and to which, indeed, our
+pocket dictionary gave us little help: Administer being set down,--to
+perform the duty of an administrator; and for Administrator, we are told
+to see Administer,--a kind of hide-and-go-seek that one does n't expect
+in books like this.
+
+The lawyers and the doctors, my dear Molly, go on the same plan,--they
+never let us know the hard names they have for everything. If we once
+come to do that, we 'll know what's the matter with ourselves and our
+affairs, and neither need one nor the other. Mary Anne thinks that
+administering means going to show the will to somebody that's to pay the
+money; but my private opinion is that it's something about Ministers'
+Money, for I remember my poor cousin Jones never would consent to pay
+it, nor, indeed, anything else that went to the Established Church.
+It was against his conscience, he used to say; and the Government that
+coerces a man's conscience is worthy of "Grim Tartary." My notion is,
+then, that they 're coming against me for the arrears, as if I had n't
+any conscience too!
+
+At all events, Molly, the property is to come to _me_; and the very
+thought of it gives me a feeling of independence and pride that is
+really overwhelming. K. I.'s temper was, indeed, becoming a sore trial,
+and how I was to go on bearing it was more than I could imagine. He may
+now return to Ireland and his dear Dodsborough whenever he pleases. Mary
+Anne and I are determined to live abroad. Fortunately for us we have
+made acquaintance with a very distinguished English lady--a Mrs. Gore
+Hampton--who can introduce us everywhere. She is in the very height of
+the fashion, and knows all the great people of Europe. She took a sudden
+liking--I might call it an affection--for me and Mary Anne, and actually
+proposed our all travelling together as one party. There never was luck
+like it, Molly! She has a beautiful barouche of her own, with the arms
+on it, and a French maid and a courier, and such heaps of luggage, you
+wouldn't believe it could be carried. K. I. was afraid of the expense,
+and gave, as you may believe, every kind of opposition to the plan. He
+said it would "lead us into this," and "lead us into that;" the great
+thing he dreaded being led into--as I told him--being good society and
+high company.
+
+So far from costing us anything, I believe it will be a considerable
+saving; for, as Lord George says, "You can always make a better bargain
+at the hotels when you 're a strong party." And he has kindly taken the
+whole of this on himself.
+
+He is a wonderful young man, Lord George; and, considering his tip-top
+rank and connections, he's never above doing anything to serve, or be
+useful to us. He knows K. I. as well, too, as I do myself. "Let _me_
+alone," says he, "to manage the governor; _I_ know him. He's always
+grumbling about expense and moaning over his poverty; but you may remark
+that he does get the money somehow." And the observation is remarkably
+just, Molly; for no matter what distress or distraction he's in, he
+does contrive to rub through it; and this convinces me that he is only
+deceiving us in talking about his want of means, and so forth. Since I
+have discovered this, I never fret the way I used about expense.
+
+It was Lord George that arranged our compact with Mrs. G. "You had
+better leave all to me," said he to K. I., "for Mrs. Gore Hampton is a
+perfect child about money. She tells that old fool of a courier to put a
+hundred pounds in his bag, and he pays away till it's all gone, or till
+he says it's gone; and then she gives him another check for the same
+amount. So that she's not bored with accounts, nor ever hears of them,
+she never cares."
+
+"Of course, then," said I, "her expenses are very great."
+
+"I should say enormous," replied he; "for though personally the simplest
+creature on earth, she never objects to the cost of anything."
+
+I hinted that, with our moderate fortune, we should never be able to
+maintain a style of living equal to hers; but he stopped me short,
+saying, "Don't let that distress you; besides, she has taken such a
+fancy for you and Miss Dodd that it would be a downright cruelty to
+deny her your companionship; and at this moment, too, when really she
+requires sympathy." I was dying to ask on what account, Molly,--was it
+that she is a widow, or is she separated, and what?--but I had n't the
+courage; nor, indeed, did he give me time, for he went on so fast: "Let
+her pay half the expense, it's only fair; she has plenty of tin, and
+nothing to do with it Even then she will be a gainer, for old Gregoire
+pockets as much as he pays away."
+
+You 'd suppose, Molly, that an arrangement so liberal as this might have
+satisfied K. I. Not a bit of it His only remark was, "What 's to be the
+amount of the other half?"
+
+"Do you expect to travel about the Continent for nothing, K. I.?" said
+I. "Does your experience say that it costs so little?"
+
+"No, faith!" replied he, with that sardonic grin that almost kills me,
+"I can't say that."
+
+"Well, then," said I, "is it better for us to go about the world
+unnoticed and unknown, or to be visited and received, and made much of
+everywhere? The name of Dodd," said I, "is n't a great recommendation;
+and there 's some of us, at least, that have n't the exterior of the
+first fashion." I wish you saw how he fidgeted when I said this. "And as
+the great question is, What did we come abroad for?--"
+
+"Ay, that's exactly it!" cried he, thumping his clenched fist on the
+table with a smash that made me scream out. "What did we come abroad
+for?"
+
+"There 's no need to drive all the blood to my head, Mr. Dodd," said I,
+"to ask that. Though I am accustomed to your violence, my constitution
+may sink under it at last; but if you wish to know seriously and calmly
+why we came abroad, I 'll tell you."
+
+"Do, then," said he, folding his arms in front of him, "and I'll be
+mighty thankful for the information."
+
+"We came abroad," said I, "first of all, for--"
+
+"It was n't economy," said he, with a grin.
+
+"No, not exactly."
+
+"I'm glad of that," cried he. "I'm glad that we've got rid of one
+delusion, at least. Now, then, go on."
+
+"Maybe you 'll call refinement a delusion, Mr. Dodd," said I. "Maybe
+politeness and good-breeding, the French language and music are
+delusions? Is high society a delusion? Is the sphere we move in a
+delusion?"
+
+"I am disposed to think it is, Mrs. D.," said he, "and a very great
+delusion too. It's like nothing we were ever used to. It is not social,
+and it is not friendly. It has nothing to say, nor any concern with a
+single topic, or any one theme that we can care for. Do you know one, or
+can you even remember the names of any of the princes and princesses
+you are always discussing? Do you really care whether Mademoiselle
+Zephyrini's pirouette was steadier than Miss Angelina's? Does it concern
+you that somebody with a hard name has given the first-class order of
+the Pig and Whistle to somebody else, with a harder? Is it the meat
+stewed to rags you like, or the reputations with morality boiled out of
+them? Is it pleasant to think that, wherever you go, you meet nothing
+wholesome for mind or for body? I can stand scandal and wickedness as
+well as my neighbors, but I can't spend my life upon them, nor can I
+give up the whole day to dominos. You ask me what are delusions, and I
+tell you now some things that are not."
+
+But I would n't listen to more, Molly. I stopped him short by saying,
+"You, at least, Mr. D., have little reason for your regrets; for really,
+in all that regards your manner, language, dress, and demeanor, no one
+would ever suspect you had been a day out of Dodsborough."
+
+"I wish to my heart my bank account could tell the same story," says he;
+and with that he takes down a file of bills, and begins to read out some
+of what he calls his anti-delusions.
+
+"Do you know, Mrs. D.," says he, "that your milliner has got more money
+in the last four months than I have spent on my estate for the last
+eight years? That Genoa velvet and Mechlin lace have run away with what
+would have drained the Low Meadows! Ay, the price of that red turban,
+that made you look like Bluebeard, would have put a roof on the
+school-house. The priest of our parish at home did n't get as much for
+his dues as you gave for a seat to look at a procession in honor of
+Saint--Saint--"
+
+"If you 're going to blaspheme, Mr. D.," said I, "I 'll leave you;"and
+so I did, Molly, banging the door after me in a way that I know well his
+gouty ankle is not the better for.
+
+I mention these particulars to show you the difficulties I have to
+contend against, and the struggles it costs me to give my children the
+benefits of the Continent. I intended to tell you something about this
+place where we are stopping, too; but my head is rambling now on other
+matters, so that, maybe, I'll not be able to say much.
+
+It's a university, just like Trinity College in Dublin, only they don't
+wear gowns, nor keep within certain buildings, but scatter about over
+the whole town. We know several of the young men who are princes, and
+more or less related to crowned heads; but for all that, very simple,
+quiet, inoffensive creatures as ever you met. Billy Davis, after he was
+articled to that attorney in Abbey Street, had more impudence in him
+than them all put together.
+
+The place itself is pretty, but I think it does n't suit my
+constitution. Maybe it's the running water, for there's a big river
+under the windows, but I am never free from cold in my head, and weak
+eyes. To be sure, we are always doing imprudent things, such as sitting
+out till after midnight in a summer-house, where the young Germans come
+to sing for us,--for singing and smoking, Molly, is their two passions.
+It's a melancholy kind of music they have, that has no tune whatever,
+nor anything like a tune in it; but as Mrs. G. and my daughters agree
+that it's beautiful, why, of course, I give in, and say the same. But,
+in confidence to you, Molly, I own that it puts me to sleep at once;
+and, indeed, most of our other amusements here are of the same kind. We
+are either botanizing, or looking for stones and shells, to tell us the
+age of the world. Faith! you may well stare, Molly, but it 's truth I 'm
+saying, that is what they pretend to find out. They got an elephant's
+jawbone the other day, that gave them great delight, and K. I. said, "I
+could tell a horse's age by his teeth, but for guessing how old the
+earth is by an elephant's grinders is clear beyond me."
+
+[Illustration: 232]
+
+When it rains and we can't go out, we have chemistry at home; but I 'm
+always in a fright about the combustibles, and I 'm sure one of these
+days we 'll pay for our curiosity. That man that comes to lecture has
+n't a bit of eyebrows, and only two fingers on one hand, and half a
+thumb on the other; not to say that he sat down one day on a pocketful
+of crackers, and blew himself up in a dreadful manner.
+
+If the weather be fine,--and I was near saying, God grant it may n't--we
+are to have a course of astronomy every night next week. I can stand
+everything, however, better than "moral philosophy and economics." As
+to the first of the two, it's not even common-sense. It was only two
+evenings ago, they laughed at me for twenty minutes about a remark
+that's as true as the Bible.
+
+"What relations does Locke say are least regarded?" says the professor
+to me.
+
+"Faith! I know nothing about Locke," says I; "but I know well that the
+relations least regarded are poor relations."
+
+As to the economics, if they could enliven it a bit by experiments, as
+they do the chemistry, I could bear it well enough; but it's awfully dry
+to be always listening to what you can't understand.
+
+This is the way we live at Bonn; and though it's very elevating, I find
+it's very depressing to the spirits. But I don't think we'll remain much
+longer here, for K. I. is beginning to find out that the sciences are
+just as dear as silks and satins; and, as he remarked the other day,
+"it would be cheaper to have a dish of asparagus on the table than them
+dirty weeds that they are gathering only for the sake of their hard
+names."
+
+Of course, when all is settled about the legacy, I 'll not be obliged
+to submit to his humors, as I have been up to this. I'll have a voice,
+Molly, and I'll take care that it is heard too. I suppose it will come
+to a separation yet between us. I own to you, Molly, the "impossibility"
+of our tempers will do it at last. Well, when the time comes, I'll be,
+as Mrs. G. says, equal to the occasion. I can say, "I brought you
+rank, name, and fortune, Kenny Dodd, and I leave you with my character
+unvarnished; and maybe both is more than you deserved!"
+
+When I think of where and what I might be, Molly, and see what I am,
+I fret for a whole livelong day. And now a word about home before I
+conclude. Don't mention a syllable about the legacy to Mat, or he 'll
+be expecting a present at Candlemas, and I really can spare nothing.
+You can say to Father John that Jones McCarthy is dead, but that nobody
+knows how the estate will go. He'll maybe say some masses for him, in
+the hope of being paid hereafter by the heir. I'd advise you to keep the
+wool back, for they say prices will rise in Ireland, by reason of all
+the people leaving it, just as it's described in the Book of Genesis,
+Molly, only that Ireland is not Paradise,--that *s the difference.
+
+Mary Anne unites in her affectionate love to you, and I am your attached
+
+Jemima Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XVIII. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+
+Grand Hotel du Rhin, Bonn.
+
+Dearest Catherine,--Forgive me if I substitute for the loved appellation
+of infancy the more softly sounding epithet which is consecrated to
+verse in every language of Europe. Yes, thou mayst be Kate of all Kates
+to the rest of Christendom, but to me thou art Catherine,--"Catrinella
+mia," as thou wilt.
+
+Here, dearest, as I sit embowered beside the wide and winding Rhine, the
+day-dream of my childhood is at length realized. I live, I breathe, in
+the land glorified by genius. Reflected in that stream is the castled
+crag of Drachenfels, mirrored as in my heart the image of my dearest
+Catherine. How shall I tell you of our existence here, fascinated by the
+charms of song and scenery, elevated by the strains of immortal verse?
+We are living at the Grand Hotel du Rhin, my sweet child; and having
+taken the entire first floor, are regarded as something like an imperial
+family travelling under the name of Dodd.
+
+I told you in my last of our acquaintance with Mrs. Gore Hampton. It
+has, since then, ripened into friendship. It is now love. I feel the
+dangerous captivation of speaking of her, even passingly. Her name
+suggests all that can fascinate the heart and inthrall the imagination.
+She is perfectly beautiful, and not less gifted than she is lovely.
+Perhaps I cannot convey to my dearest Catherine a more accurate
+conception of this charming being than by mentioning some--a few--of the
+changes wrought by her influence on the habits of our daily life.
+
+Our mornings are scientific,--entirely given up to botany, chemistry,
+natural history, and geology, with occasional readings in political
+economy and statistics. We all attend these except papa. Even James has
+become a most attentive student, and never takes his eyes off Mrs. G.
+during the lecture. At three we lunch, and then mount our horses for
+a ride; since, thanks to Lord George's attentive politeness, seven
+saddle-horses have been sent down from Brussels for our use. Once
+mounted, we are like a school released from study, so full of gayety, so
+overflowing with spirits and animation.
+
+Where shall we go? is then the question. Some are for Godesberg, where
+we dismount to eat ice and stroll through the gardens; others, of whom
+your Mary Anne is ever one, vote for Rolandseck, that being the very
+spot whence Roland the bravo--the brave Roland--sat to gaze upon those
+convent walls that enclosed all that he adored on earth.
+
+And oh! Catherine dearest, is there amongst the very highest of those
+attributes which deify human nature any one that can compare with
+fidelity? Does it not comprise nearly all the virtues, heroic as well
+as humble? For my part, I think it should be the great theme of poets,
+blending as it does some of the tenderest with some of the grandest
+traits of the heart. From Petrarch to Paul--I mean Virginia's
+Paul--there is a fascination in these examples that no other quality
+ever evokes. My dearest Emily--I call Mrs. G. H. by her Christian name
+always--joined me the other evening in a discussion on this subject
+against Lord George James, and several others, our only cavalier being
+the Ritter von Wolfenschftfer, a young German noble, who is studying
+here, and a remarkable specimen of his class. He is tall, and what at
+first seems heavy-browed, but, on nearer acquaintance, displays one
+of those grand heads which are rarely met with save on the canvas of
+Titian; he wears a long beard and moustache of a reddish brown, which,
+accompanied by a certain solemnity of manner and a deep-toned voice,
+impress you with a kind of awe at first. His family is, I believe, the
+oldest in Germany, having been Barons of the Black Forest, in some very
+early century. "The first Hapsburg," he says, was a "knecht," or
+vassal, of one of his ancestors. His pride is, therefore, something
+indescribable.
+
+Lord George met him, I fancy, first at some royal table, and they
+renewed their acquaintance here, shyly at the beginning, but after
+a while with more cordiality; and now he is here every day singing,
+sketching, reciting Schiller and Goethe, talking the most delightful
+rhapsodies, and raving about moonlights on the Brocken, and mysticism in
+the Hartzwald, till my very brain turns with distraction.
+
+Don't you detest the "positif,"--the dreary, tiresome, tame, sad-colored
+robe of reality? and do you not adore the prismatic-tinted drapery, that
+envelops the dream-creatures of imagination? I know, dearest Catherine,
+that you do. I feel by myself how you shrink from the stern aspect of
+reality, and love to shroud yourself in the graceful tissues of fancy!
+How, then, would you long to be here,--to discuss with us themes that
+have no possible relation to anything actually existing,--to talk of
+those visionary essences which form the creatures of the unreal world?
+The "Ritter" is perfectly charming on these subjects; there is a vein of
+love through his metaphysics, and of metaphysics through his love, that
+elevates while it subdues. You will say it is a strange transition that
+makes me flit from these things to thoughts of home and Ireland; but in
+the wilful wandering of my fancy a vision of the past rises before me,
+and I must seize it ere it depart. I wish, in fact, to speak to
+you about a passage in your last letter which has given me equal
+astonishment and suffering. What, dearest Kitty, do you mean by talking
+of a certain person's "long-tried and devoted affection,"--"his hopes,
+and his steadfast reliance on my truthfulness"? Have I ever given any
+one the right to make such an appeal to me? I do really believe that no
+one is less exposed to such a reproach than I am! I have the right, if I
+please, to misconstrue your meaning, and assume a total ignorance as to
+whom you are referring. But I will not avail myself of the privilege,
+Kitty,--I will accept your allusion. You mean Dr. Belton. Now, I own
+that I write this name with considerable reluctance and regret. His many
+valuable qualities, and the natural goodness of his disposition, have
+endeared him to all of that humble circle in which his lot is cast, and
+it would grieve me to write one single word which should pain him to
+hear. But I ask you, Kitty, what is there in our relative stations in
+society which should embolden him to offer me attentions? Do we move in
+the same sphere? have we either thoughts, ideas, or ambitions--have we
+even acquaintances--in common? I do not want to magnify the position I
+hold. Heaven knows that the great world is not a sea devoid of rocks
+and quicksands. No one feels its perils more acutely than myself. But
+I repeat it: Is there not a wide gulf between us? Could _he_ live, and
+move, think, act, or plan, in the circle that I associate with? Could
+_I_ exist, even for a day, in _his?_ No, dearest, impossible,--utterly
+impossible. The great world has its requirements,--exactions, if you
+will; they are imperative, often tyrannical: but their sweet recompense
+comes back in that delicious tranquillity of soul, that bland
+imperturbability that springs from good breeding,--the calm equanimity
+that no accident can shake, from which no sudden shock can elicit a
+vibration. I do not pretend, dearest friend, that I have yet attained to
+this. I know well that I am still far distant from that great goal; but
+I am on the road, Kitty,--my progress has commenced, and not for the
+wealth of worlds would I turn back from it.
+
+With thoughts like these in my heart,--instincts I should perhaps call
+them.--how unsuited should I be to the humble monotony of a provincial
+existence! Were I even to sacrifice my own happiness, should I secure
+his? My heart responds, No, certainly not.
+
+As to what you remark of the past, I feel it is easily replied to. The
+little chapel at Bruff once struck me as a miracle of architectural
+beauty. I really fancied that the doorway was in the highest taste
+of florid Gothic, and that the east window was positively gorgeous in
+tracery. As to the altar, I can only say that it appeared a mass
+of gold, silver, and embroidery, such as we read of in the "Arabian
+Nights." Am I to blame, Kitty, that, after having seen the real
+splendors of St. Gudule, and the dome of Cologne, I can recant my former
+belief, and acknowledge that the little edifice at Bruff is poor, mean,
+and insignificant; its architecture a sham, and its splendor all tinsel?
+and yet it is precisely what I left it.
+
+You will then retort, that it is _I_ am changed! I own it, Kitty. I am
+so. But can you make this a matter of reproach?
+
+If so, is not every step in intellectual progress, every stage of
+development, a stigma? Your theory, if carried out, would soar beyond
+the limits of this life, and dare to assail the angelic existences of
+the next!
+
+But you could not intend this; no, Kitty, I acquit you at once of such
+a notion; even the defence of your friend could not make you so unjust.
+Dr. Belton must, surely, be in error as to any supposed pledges or
+promises on my part. I have taxed my memory to the utmost, and
+cannot recall any such. If, in the volatile gayety of a childish
+heart,--remember, sweetest, I was only eighteen when I left home,--I may
+have said some silly speech, surely it is not worth remembering, still
+less recording, to make me blush for it. Lastly, Kitty, I have learned
+to know that all real happiness is based upon filial obedience; and
+whatever sentiments it would be possible for me to entertain for Dr. B.
+would be diametrically opposed to the wishes of my papa and mamma.
+
+I have now gone over this question in every direction I could think of,
+because I hope that it may nevermore recur between us. It is a theme
+which I advert to with sorrow, for really I am unable to acquit of
+presumption one whose general character is conspicuous for a modest and
+retiring humility. You will acquaint him with as much of the sentiments
+I here express as you deem fitting. I leave everything to your excellent
+delicacy and discretion. I only beg that I may not be again asked for
+explanations on a matter so excessively disagreeable to discuss, and
+that I may be spared alluding to those peculiar circumstances which
+separate us forever. If the time should come when he will take a more
+reasonable and just view of our respective conditions, nothing will be
+more agreeable to me than to renew those relations of friendship which
+we so long cultivated as neighbors; and if, in any future state I may
+occupy, I can be of the least service to him, I beg you to believe that
+it will be both a pride and a pleasure to me to know it.
+
+It is needless, after this, to answer the question of your postscript.
+Of course he must not write to me. Nothing could induce me to read his
+letter. That he should ever have thought of such a thing is a proof--and
+no slight one--of his utter ignorance of all the conventional rules
+which regulate social intercourse. But a truce to a theme so painful.
+
+I answer your brief question of the turn-down of your letter as curtly
+as it is put. No; I am not in love with Lord George, nor is he with
+me. We regard each other as brother and sister; we talk in the most
+unreserved confidence; we say things which, in the narrower prejudices
+of England, would be infallibly condemned. In fact, Kitty, the sway of
+a conscientious sense of right, the inward feeling of purity, admit of
+many liberties here, which are denied to us at home. Here I tell you,
+in one word, what it is that constitutes the superiority in tone of
+the Continent over our own country,--I should say it was this very same
+freedom of thought and action.
+
+The language is full of a thousand graceful courtesies that mean so much
+or so little. The literature abounding in analysis of emotions,--that
+secret anatomy of the heart, so fascinating and so instructive; the
+habits of society so easy and so natural; and then that chivalrous
+homage paid to the sex,--all contribute to extend the realms of
+conversational topics, and at the same time to admit of various ways of
+treating them, such as may suit the temper, the talent, or the caprice
+of each. How often does it happen from this that one hears the gravest
+themes of religion and politics debated in a spirit of the most
+sparkling wit and levity, while subjects of the most trivial kind
+are discussed with a degree of seriousness and a display of learning
+actually astounding! This wonderful versatility is very remarkable in
+another respect; for, strange enough, it is the young people abroad who
+are the gravest in manner, the most reserved and most saturnine.
+
+The high-spirited, the buoyant, and most daring talkers are the elderly.
+In a word, Kitty, everything here is the reverse of that at home; and,
+I am forced to confess, possesses a great superiority over our own
+notions.
+
+I am dying to tell you more of the Ritter, which, I must explain to you,
+is the German for "Chevalier." If you want a confession, too, I will
+make one; and that is that he is desperately in love with a poor friend
+of yours, who feels herself quite unworthy of the devotion of this scion
+of thirty-two quarterings.
+
+In a worldly point of view, Kitty, the possibility of such an event
+would be brilliant beyond conception. His estates are a principality,
+and his Schloss von Woelfenberg one of the wonders of the Black Forest.
+Does not your heart swell and bound, dearest, at the thought of a real
+castle, in a real forest, with a real baron, Kitty?--one of those cruel
+creatures, perhaps, who lived in feudal times, and always killed a
+child, to warm their feet in his heart's blood? Not that our Ritter
+looks this. On the contrary, he is gentle, low-voiced, and dreamy,--a
+little too dreamy,--if I must say it, and not sufficiently alive to
+the rattling drolleries of Lord George and James, who torment him
+unceasingly.
+
+Mamma likes him immensely, though their intercourse is limited to mere
+bows and greetings; and even papa, whose prejudice against foreigners
+increases with every day, acknowledges that he is very amiable and
+good-tempered. Cary appears to me to be greatly taken with him, but he
+never notices her, nor pays her the slightest attention. I 'm sure I
+wish he would, and I should be delighted to contribute towards such a
+conjuncture. Who knows what may happen later, for he has invited us
+all to the Schloss for the shooting-season,--some time, I believe, in
+autumn,--and papa has said "Yes."
+
+I now come to another secret, dearest Kitty, depending on all your
+discretion not to divulge it, at least for the present. Mamma has
+received a confidential note from Waters, the attorney, informing her
+that she is to succeed to the McCarthy estates and property of the late
+Jones M'Carthy, of M'Carthy's Folly. The amount is not yet known to us,
+and we are surrounded by such difficulties, from our desire to keep the
+matter secret, that we cannot expect to know the particulars for some
+time. The estates were considerable; but, like those of all the Irish
+aristocracy, greatly encumbered. The personal property, mamma
+thinks, could not have been burdened, so that this alone may turn out
+handsomely.
+
+By some deed of settlement, or something of the kind, executed at
+papa's marriage with mamma, he voluntarily abandoned all right over
+any property that should descend to her, so that she will possess
+the unlimited control over this bequest. Mr. Waters mentions that
+the testator desired--I am not certain that he did not require as a
+condition--that we should take the name of McCarthy. I hope so with all
+my heart I do not believe that anything could offer such obstacles to
+us abroad as this terrible and emphatic monosyllable; now, Dodd M'Carthy
+has a rhythm in it, and a resonance also.
+
+It sounds territorially, too; like the _de_ of French nobility. We
+should figure in fashionable "Arrivals and Departures" with a certain
+air of distinction that is denied to us at present; and I really do not
+see why we should not be "The M'Carthy." You know, dearest, that the
+Herald's office never interferes about Celtic nobility, inasmuch as its
+origin utterly defies investigation; and there are, consequently, no
+pains nor penalties attached to the assumption of a native title. How
+I should be delighted to hear us announced as "The M'Carthy, family and
+suite," with an explanatory paragraph about papa being the blue or the
+black knight. The English are always impressed with these things,
+and foreigners regard them with immense devotion. There is another
+incalculable advantage, Kitty, not to be overlooked. All little
+eccentricities of manner, little peculiarities of accent, voice, and
+intonation, of which neither pa nor ma are totally exempt, instead of
+being criticised, as some short-sighted folk might criticise them, as
+vulgar, low, and commonplace, rise at once to the dignity of a national
+trait.
+
+They are like Breton French, or certain Provencal expressions in use
+amongst the ancient "Seigneurie" of the land. They actually dignify
+station, instead of disgracing it, so that a "brogue" seems to seal
+the very patent of your nobility, and the mutilations of your parts of
+speech stand for quarterings on your escutcheon.
+
+It might seem invidious were I to quote the instances which support my
+theory; but I assure you, seriously, that social success, to be rapid,
+requires aids like these. There was a time when being a Villiers, a
+Stanley, or a Seymour gave you a kind of illusory nobility. You were a
+species of human shot-silk, that turned blue in one light, and brown
+in another; but now that Burke is read in the national schools, and the
+"Almanach de Gotha" in the godless colleges, deception on this head is
+impossible. They take you "to book" at once. You can't be one of the
+Howards of Ettinham, for Lady Mary died childless; nor one of the
+Worseley branch, for the present Marquis, who married Lady Alice de
+Courtenaye, had only two children,--one, British envoy at the Court of
+Prince of Salms und Schweinigen; the other, &c. In fact, Kitty, you are
+voted nobody. They will not allow you father nor mother, uncle nor aunt,
+nor even any good friends. Better be Popkins, or Perkins, Snooks, or
+even Smith, than this! The Celtic _noblesse_, however, is a safe refuge
+against all impertinent curiosity. Tracing the Dodd M'Carthy to his
+parent stem would be like keeping count of the sheep in Sancho's story.
+Besides, matters of succession are made matters of faith in the Church,
+and why shouldn't they be in the M'Carthy family? I don't suppose we
+want to be more infallible than the Pope?
+
+I have not forgotten what you mentioned about your brother Robert; nor
+was it at all necessary, my dear Kitty, for you to speak of his
+talents and acquirements, which I well know are first-rate. I took an
+opportunity the other day of alluding to the master to Lord George, who
+has influence in every quarter. I told him pretty much in the words
+of your letter, that he was equally distinguished in science as in
+classics, had taken honors in both, and was in all other respects fully
+qualified to be a tutor. That, being a gentleman by birth, though
+of small fortune, his desire was to obtain the advantages of foreign
+travel, and the opportunity of acquiring modern languages, for which he
+was quite willing to assume all the labor and fatigue of a teacher. He
+stopped me short here by saying, "I 'm afraid it 's no go. They 've made
+a farce, and a devilish good one, too, of the 'Irish Tutor;' and I half
+suspect that Dr. O'Toole, as he is called, has spoiled the trade."
+
+I tried to introduce a word about Robert's attainments, but he broke in
+with,--"That 's all very well; I 'm quite sure of everything you say.
+But who takes a 'coach'?"--That's the slang for tutor, Kitty!--"No one
+takes a 'coach' for his learning nowadays. What's wanted--particularly
+when travelling--is a sharp, wide-awake fellow, that knows all the
+dodges of the Continent as well as a courier, can bully the police, quiz
+the custom-house, and slang the waiters. He ought to be up to the opera
+and the ballet; be a dead hand at ecarte, and a capital judge of cigars.
+After these, his great requisites are never ceasing good-humor, and a
+general flow of high spirits, to stand all the bad jokes and vapid fun
+of young college men; a yielding disposition to go anywhere, with any
+one, and for anything that may be proposed; and, finally, a ready tact
+never to suppose himself included in any invitation with his 'Bear,'
+who, however well he may treat him, will always prefer leaving him at
+home when he dines at an 'Embassy.'"
+
+This is a rapid sketch of a tutor's life and habits, as practised
+abroad, Kitty; and I more than suspect Robert would not like it. Should
+I be in error, however, and that such would suit his views, I'm sure
+I can reckon on Lord George's kindness to find him an appointment.
+Meanwhile let him "accustom himself to much smoking and occasional
+brandy-and-water, lay in a good stock of droll anecdotes, and if he can
+acquire any conjuring knowledge, or tricks on the cards, it will aid him
+greatly." These hints are Lord G. 's, and, I am sure, invaluable.
+
+A thunderstorm has just broken over the valley of the Rhine, and the
+dread artillery of heaven comes pealing down from the "Lurlie" like a
+chorus of demons in a mod-era opera. Our excursion being impossible, I
+once more resume my task, and again seat myself to hold communion with
+my dearest Kitty.
+
+I find, besides, innumerable questions still unanswered in your last
+dear letter. You ask me if, on the whole, I am happier than I was at
+Dodsborough? How could you ever have penned such a quaere? The tone of
+seriousness which you tell me of, in my letters, admits perhaps of a
+softer epithet May it not be that soul-kindled elevation that comes of
+daily association with high intelligences? If I were but to tell you the
+names of the illustrious writers and great thinkers whom we meet here
+almost every evening, Kitty, you would no longer be amazed at the
+soaring flight my faculties have taken. Not that they appear to us, my
+dearest friend, in the mystic robes of science, but in the humble garb
+of common life, playing "groschen" whist, or a game of tric-trac. Just
+fancy, if you can, Professor Faraday playing "petits jeux," or Wollaston
+engaged at "hunt the slipper."
+
+These are the intimacies, this the kind of intercourse, which
+imperceptibly cultivate the mind, and enlarge the understanding; for, as
+Mrs. Gore Hampton beautifully observes, "The charm of high-bred manner
+is not to be acquired by attendance on a 'levee' or a 'drawing-room,' it
+is imbibed in the atmosphere that pervades a court, in the daily, hourly
+association with that harmonious elegance that surrounds a sovereign."
+So, dearest Kitty, from intercourse with great minds is there a
+perpetual gain to our stock of knowledge. "They are," as Mrs. G. says,
+"the charged machines from which the electric sparks of genius are
+eternally disengaging themselves." What a privilege to be the receivers!
+
+There is a wondrous charm, too, in their simplicity, as well as in that
+habit they have of mystically connecting the most trivial topics with
+the most astounding speculations. A fairy tale becomes to _them_ a
+metaphysical allegory. You would scarcely credit what curious doctrines
+of socialism lie veiled under "Jack the Giant Killer," or that the
+Marquis of Carabas, in the tale of "Puss in Boots," is meant to
+illustrate the oppression of the landed aristocracy. Nor is this all,
+Kitty; but they go further, and they are always speculating on something
+beyond the actual catastrophe of a story; as, the other evening, I heard
+a learned argument to show that had Bluebeard not been killed, he would
+have inevitably formed an alliance with "Sister Anne," just for the sake
+of supporting the cause of "marriage with a deceased wife's sister."
+I only mention these as passing instances of that rich Imaginative
+fertility which is as much their characteristic as is their wonderful
+power of argumentation.
+
+Lord George and James worry me greatly for my admiration of Germany and
+the Germans. They talk, in slang, on themes that require a high strain
+of intelligence to comprehend or even appreciate. No wonder, then, if
+their frivolity offend and annoy me! The Bitter von Wolfenschaefer
+is an unspeakable relief to me, after this tiresome quizzing. Shall I
+own that Cary is their ally in the same ignoble warfare? Indeed, nothing
+surprises, and at the same time depresses me more than to remark the
+little benefit derived by Caroline from foreign travel. She would seem
+to sit down perfectly contented with the information derived from books,
+as though the really substantial advantages of a residence abroad were
+not all dependent on direct intercourse with the people. "Why not read
+Uhland and Tieck at home at Dodsborough?" say I to her. "To what end do
+you come hundreds of miles away from your country, to do what might so
+easily have been accomplished at home?" What do you think was her reply?
+It was this: "That is exactly what I should like to do. Having seen some
+parts of the Continent, having enjoyed the spectacle of those wonderful
+things of nature and of art which a tour abroad would display, and
+having acquired that facility in languages which comes so rapidly by
+their daily use, I should like to go home again, adding to the pleasures
+my own country supplies, stores of knowledge and resources from other
+lands. I neither want to think that Frenchmen and Germans are better
+bred than my own countrymen, nor that the rigid decorum of English
+manners is only a flimsy veil of hypocrisy thrown over the coarse vices
+of a coarse people."
+
+Now, my dear Kitty, be as national and patriotic as one will; play "Rule
+Britannia" every morning, with variations, on the piano; wear a Paisley
+shawl and a Dunstable bonnet; make yourself as hideous and absurd as
+the habits of your native country will admit of,--and that is a wide
+latitude,--you will be obliged to own the startling fact, the Continent
+_is_ more civilized than England. Daily life is surrounded with more
+of elegance and of refinement, for the simple reason that there is
+more leisure for both. There is none of that vulgarity of incessant
+occupation so observable with us. Men do not live here to be Poor-law
+guardians and Quarter Sessions chairmen, directors of railroads, or
+members of select committees. They choose the nobler ambition of mental
+cultivation and intellectual polish. They study the arts which adorn
+social intercourse, and acquire those graceful accomplishments which
+fascinate in the great world, and, in the phrase of the newspapers,
+"make home happy."
+
+I have now come to the end of my paper, and perhaps of your patience,
+but not of my arguments on this theme, nor the wish to impress them upon
+my dearest Kitty. Adieu! Adieu!
+
+I can understand your astonishment at reading this, Kitty; but is it
+not another proof that Ireland is far behind the rest of the world in
+civilization? The systems exploded everywhere are still pursued there,
+and the unprofitable learning that all other countries have abandoned is
+precisely the object of hardest study and ambition.
+
+There are twenty other things that I wished to consult my dearest Kitty
+about, but I must conclude. It is now nigh eleven o'clock, the moon is
+rising, and we are off on our excursion to the Drachenfels,--for you
+must know that one of the stereotyped amusements of the Continent is to
+ascend mountains for the sake of seeing daybreak from the "summit" It
+is frequently a failure as regards the picturesque; but never so
+with respect to the pleasure of the trip. Think of a mountain path by
+moonlight, Kitty; your mule slowly toiling up the steep ascent, while
+some one near murmurs "Childe Harold" in your ear, the perils of the
+way permitting a hundred little devotional attentions so suggestive of
+dependence and protection. I must break off,--they are calling for me;
+and I have but time to write myself my dearest Kitty's dearest friend,
+
+Mart Anne Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XIX. BETTY COBB TO MRS. SHUSAN O'SHEA, PRIEST'S HOUSE, BRUFF.
+
+Dear Misses Shusan,--I thought before this I 'd be back again in Bruff,
+but I leave it all to Providence, that maybe, all the time, is thinkin'
+little about me. It's not out of any unpiety I say this, but bekase the
+longer I live the more I see how sarvants are trated in this world; and
+the next I 'm towld is much the same.
+
+If the mistress would let me alone, I 'd get used to the ways of the
+place at last, for there 's some things is n't so bad at all; since we
+came to this we have four males every day, but, if you mind grace,
+you might as well have none. They've a puddin' for everything,
+fish--flesh--fowl--vegebles, it's all alike; but the hardest thing is to
+eat blackberries with beef, or stewed pork with rasberries;
+not to spake of a pike with pine-apple, that we had yesterday.
+
+There is always an abundance and a confusion at dinner that's plazing to
+one's feelin's; for, indeed, in Ireland there is no great variety in
+the servants' hall, and polatics has a sameness in them that's very
+tiresome.
+
+We are livin' now at an elegant hotel, where we sit down forty-seven of
+us every day, at the sound of a big bell at one o'clock. They call it
+the table doat, and I don't wonder they do, for it's the pleasantest
+place I ever see. We goes down, linked arm-in-arm, me and Lord George's
+man, Mister Slipper, and the Frinsh made lan in' on Moun-seer Gregory,
+the currier; and there's as much bowin' and scrapin', or more, than
+upstairs in the parlor. Mr. Slipper takes the head of the table, and I
+am on his rite, and mam-eel on his left, and the dishes all cams to us
+first, and we tumble the things about, and helps ourselves to the best
+before the others, and we laff so loud, Shusan, for Mr. Slipper is
+uncommon drol, and tells a number of stories that makes me cry for
+laffin'; and he is just as polite, too, for whinever he tells anything
+wrong he says it in French. And if you only heerd the way masters and
+mistresses is spoke of, Shu-san, you 'd pity poor sarvants that has to
+live with them, and put up with their bad 'umors. Mr. Slipper himself
+is trated like a dog, on eighty pounds a year, and what he calls the
+spoils,--that's the close that's spoiled. Many the day he never sees the
+newspaper, for Lord G. sticks it in his pocket, and carries it out with
+him; and when he went out to tay, the other evenin', there was n't an
+embroidered shirt of his master's to put on, and he was obleeged to take
+a plain cambric to make a clane breast of it! "Faix," says he, "there's
+no sayin' what will happen soon, and maybe the day 'll cum I 'll have
+to buy my own cigars." He had an iligant place before this one,--Sir
+Michael Bexley,--but tho' the wagis was high, and the eating first-rate,
+he could n't stay. "We wore in Vi-enna," says he, "where they dance a
+grate dale in sosiety, and Sir Michael's hands and feet was smaller than
+mine, and I could n't wear either his kid gloves or his dress-boots, and
+goin' out every night the expense was krushin'."
+
+Mamsel is trated just as bad. It's maybe three when she gets to bed; her
+mistress, Mrs. G., would n't take a flour out of her head herself, but
+must have the poor crayture waitin' there, like a centry. And maybe it's
+at that time o' night she 'll take the notion of seein' how it bekomes
+her to have her hare, this way or that, or to see if she'd look better
+with more paint on her, or if her eyebrows was blacker.
+
+Sometimes, too, she takes a fit of tryin' ball dresses, five or six,
+one after another; but mamsel says, she thinks she cured her of that by
+dropping some lamp oil over a bran new white satin, with Brussels lace,
+that was never worn at all. As Mr. Slipper says, "Our ingenuity is taxed
+to a degree that destroys our dispositions;" and I may here observe,
+Shusan, that all sarvants ever I heerd of get somehow worse trated than
+Irish. I don't mane in regard to wagis, bekase the Irish cartainly gets
+laste, but I spake of tratement; and the rayson is this, Shusy, the
+others do their work as a kind of duty, a thing they 're paid for, and
+that they ought to do; we, the Irish I mane, do everything as if it was
+out of oar own goodness, and that we would n't do it if we did not like;
+and that's the real way to manage a master or a mistress. If he asks
+for a knife at diner, sure he can't deny it's a knife bekase it's dirty,
+there would n't be common sense in that. There's two ways of doin'
+everything, Shusan; but, easy as it is, the Irish is the only people
+profits by the lesson! It's only ourselves, Shusan dear, knows how to
+make a master or mistress downright miserable!
+
+It is true we seldom have good wagis, but we take it out in temper. If
+ye seen the life I sometimes lead the mistress you'd pity her; but why
+would you after all? wasn't I taken away from my home and country, and
+put down here in a strange place; and if I did n't spend the day now
+and then cryin', would she ever think of razing my sperits with a new
+bonnet, or a pare of shoes, or a ticket for the play? Take _them_ azy,
+Shusy, and they 'll take _you_ the same. But if you show them they 're
+in your power, take to your bed, sick, when they 're in a hot hurry,
+and want you most, be sulky and out of sperits when they 're all full of
+fun, and go singin' about the house the day they 've got a distressin'
+letter by the post,--keep to that, and my shure and sartain beleef is,
+that you 'll break down the sperit of the wickidest master and mistress
+that ever breathed.
+
+Isn't my mistress, I ask you, as hard to dale with as any? Well, many's
+the time, when I 'm listenin' at the doore, I beerd her say, "Betty
+can't bear me in that shawl,--Betty put it somewhere, and I 'm afraid to
+ask for it,--Betty's in one of her tantrums to-day, so I must not cross
+her. I wish I knew how to put Betty Cobb in good humor." "Faix, ma'am,"
+says I to myself, "I believe you well, and it would puzzle wiser heads
+nor you!"
+
+And now, Misses Shusan dear, is it any wonder that our tempers get
+spoiled? seein' the lives we lade, and the dreadful turns and twists
+we are obleeged to give our natral dispositions. It's for all the world
+like play-actin'.
+
+There's many things different betune this and home, and first and
+foremost religion, Shusan. Religion is n't the same at all. To begin,
+there's no fastin' at all, or next to none; maybe that's bekase, by
+the nature of the cookery, nobody could tell what it was he was eatin'.
+Then, there 's little penance,--and the little there is ye can get
+off of it by a thrifle. Ye go to confessin' whin ye like, and ye keep
+any-thing back for another time that ye don't wish to tell just then. In
+fact, my dear, it comes to this,--it's harder to go to Heaven in Ireland
+than any place ever I heerd of, and costs more money into the bargain!
+
+The priests has n't half the power they have in Ireland, they 're not
+as well paid, and they can't curse a congregation, nor do any other good
+action that isn't set down in their duty. It's the polis, Shusy, that
+makes ye tremble abroad, and that's the great difference between the two
+countries.
+
+As to morils, my dear, I 'm afraid we 're not supariar, for it's the
+women always makes love to the men, which, till you get used to it, has
+a mighty ugly appearance. I b'l'eve it's the smokin' leads to this, for
+a German would n't take his pipe out of his mouth for anything; so that
+courtin' is n't what it is at home.
+
+These is my general remarks on the habits of furriners, which I give you
+as free as you ask for them. As to the family, nobody knows where the
+money comes from, but that they're spendin' it in lashins, is true as
+I'm here. And they 're broke up, Shusy, and not the way they used to be.
+The master walks out alone, or with Miss Caraline. Miss Mary Anne stays
+with the mother; and Master James, that's now a grone man, and as bowld
+as brass besides, is always phelanderin' about with Mrs. G., the lady
+that lives with us. I mistrust her, Shusan dear, and Mamsel Virginy, her
+made, too, though she's mighty kind and polite to _me_, and says she has
+so many "bounties" for the whole family.
+
+Paddy Byrne is exactly what you suspect. There's nothin' would put the
+least polish on him. The very way he ates at the table doat disgraces
+us; whenever he gets a thing he likes, instead of helpin' himself and
+passin' it on, he takes the whole dish before him, and conshumes it all.
+As he is always ready to fite, they let him do as he likes, and he is
+become now the terror of the place. I have towld ye now about everybody
+but the ould currier, Mounseer Gregory, an invetherate ould Frinsh
+bla'guard, that never has a dacent word in his month, though he has n't
+a good tooth in it, and ye'd say 't was at his prayers the ould hardened
+sinner should be. The very laff he has, and the way his bleery eyes
+twinkle, is a shame to see! It's nigh to fifty years since he took to
+the road, so that you may think, Shusan dear, what a dale of inequity
+he's seen in that time. It's dreadful sometimes to listen to him.
+
+If I was n't ashamed to write them, I 'd tell you two or three of his
+stories, but I will when we meet; and now with my hearty blessin' and
+love, I remane yours to command,
+
+Betty Cobb.
+
+What's this I heer about one of the M'Carthys dyin', and levin' his
+money to the mistress? Get the news right for me, Shusan dear, for I
+mane to ask for more wagis if it's true, and if Mrs. D. won't decrease
+them, I'll lave the sarvis. Mamsel Virginy towl me last nite there was
+a duches here that wants a confidenshal made to tache her only daughter
+English, and that's exactly the thing to shoot me; five hundred franks
+a year is equal to twenty pounds, all eatin' and washin', not to mention
+the hoith of respect from all the men-ials in the house. I'm takin'
+Frinsh lessons from ould Gregory every evenin', and he says I 'll be in
+my "accidents" next week.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XX. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQUIRE, TRINITY COLLEGE,
+DUBLIN.
+
+You guessed rightly, my dear Bob; my letter to Vickars has turned
+out confoundedly ill, though I must say, all from his total want of
+gentlemanlike feeling. To my ineffable horror the other morning,
+the post arrived with a large packet for the governor, containing my
+"strictly private and confidential" epistle, which this infernal son of
+a pen-wiper sends coolly back to be read by my father.
+
+Matters were not going on exactly quite smooth before. We had had
+a rather stormy sitting of the Cabinet the evening previous on the
+estimates, which struck the President of the Council as out of all
+bounds; and yet, all things considered, were reasonable enough. You
+know, Bob, we are a strongish party. Mrs. G. H., with maid and courier;
+Lord George and man; the Dodd family five, with two native domestics,
+and two foreign supernumeraries; occupying the first floor of the first
+hotel at Bonn, with a capital table, and a considerable quantity of
+wine, of one kind or other; these--without anything that one can call
+extravagance--swell up a bill, and at the end of a month give it an
+actually formidable look.
+
+"What are these?" said the governor, peering through his glasses at a
+long battalion of figures at the foot of the score,--"what are these?
+Groschen, eh?"
+
+"Pardon, Monsieur le Comte," said the other, bowing, "dey are Prussian
+thalers!"
+
+I wish you saw his face when he heard it! George and I were obliged to
+bolt out of the room, or we should have infallibly exploded.
+
+"You 'd better go back," said George to me after we had our laugh out;
+"I 'll take a stroll with the womenkind till you smooth him down a bit."
+
+A pleasant office this for me; but there was no help for it, so in I
+went.
+
+The first shock of his surprise was not over as I entered, for he
+stood holding the bill in one hand, while he pressed the other on his
+forehead, with a most distracted expression of face.
+
+"Do you suspect," said he--"have you any notion of what rate we are
+living at, James?"
+
+"Not the slightest," replied I.
+
+"Do you think it 's of any consequence?" asked he again, in a harsher
+tone.
+
+"Why, of course, sir, it--is--of some con--"
+
+"I mean," broke he in, "does it signify whether I go to jail, and the
+rest of you to the workhouse,--if there be a workhouse in this rascally
+land?"
+
+Seeing that he had totally forgotten the landlord's presence, I now
+motioned to that functionary to leave the room. The noise of the door
+shutting roused up the governor again. He looked wildly about him for
+an instant, and then snatching up the poker he aimed a blow at a large
+mirror over the chimney. He struck it with such violence that it was
+smashed in a dozen pieces, four or five of which came clattering down
+upon the floor.
+
+[Illustration: 256]
+
+"I'll be a maniac," cried he. "They shall never say that I ran into
+this extravagance in my sober senses; I 'll finish my days in a madhouse
+first." And with these words he made a rush over to a marble table,
+where a large porcelain vase was standing; by a timely spring I overtook
+him, and pressed him down on an ottoman, where, I assure you, it
+required all my force to hold him. After a few minutes, however, there
+came a reaction; he dropped the poker from his grasp, and said, in a
+low, faint voice, "There--there--I 'll do nothing now--you may release
+me."
+
+There 's not a doubt of it, Bob, but he really was insane for a few
+moments, though, fortunately, it passed away as rapidly as it came.
+
+"That," said he, with a motion towards the looking-glass,--"that will
+cost twenty or twenty-five pounds, eh?"
+
+"Not so much, perhaps," said I, though I knew I was considerably below
+the mark.
+
+"Well, I 'm sure it saved me from a fit of illness, anyhow," rejoined
+he, sighing. "If I hadn't smashed it, I think my head would have burst.
+Go over that, James, and see what it is in pounds."
+
+I sat down to a table, and after some calculation made out the total to
+be two hundred and seven pounds sterling.
+
+"And with the looking-glass, about two hundred and thirty," said he,
+with a sigh. "That's about--taking everything into consideration--five
+thousand a year."
+
+"You must remember," said I, trying to comfort him, "that these are not
+our expenses solely. There 's Tiverton and his servant, and Mrs. Gore
+Hampton and her people also."
+
+"So there is," added he, quickly; "but they had nothing to do with
+_that_;" and he pointed to the confounded looking-glass, which somehow
+or other had taken a fast hold of his imagination. "Eh, James, that was
+a luxury we had for ourselves!" There was a bitter, sardonic laugh that
+accompanied these words, indescribably painful to hear.
+
+"Come now," said he, in a more composed and natural voice, "let us see
+what 's to be done. This is a joint account, James; why not have sent it
+to Lord George--ay, to the widow also? They may as well frank the Dodd
+family as _we_ pay for _them_,--of course, omitting the looking-glass."
+
+I hinted that this was a step requiring some delicacy in its management;
+that, if not conducted with great tact, it might be the occasion of
+deep offence. In a word, Bob, I surmised, and conjectured, and hinted a
+hundred things, just to gain a little time, and turn him, if possible,
+into another channel.
+
+"Well, what do you advise?" said he, as if wishing to fix me to some
+tangible project.
+
+For a moment I was bent on adopting the grand parliamentary tactic of
+stating that there were "three courses open to the House," and then
+going on to show that one of these was absurd, the second impracticable,
+and the last utterly impossible; but I saw that the governor could not
+be so easily put down as the Opposition, and so I said, "Give it till
+to-morrow morning, and I'll see what can be done."
+
+Here I felt I was on safe ground, for throughout life I have ever
+remarked that whenever an Irishman is in difficulties, a reprieve is
+as good as a free pardon to him; for so is it, the land which seems
+so thoroughly hopeless in its destinies, contains the most hopeful
+population of Europe!
+
+The delay of a few hours made all the difference in the governor's
+spirits, and he rallied and came down to supper just as usual, only
+whispering, as we left the room, with a peculiar low chuckle in
+his voice, "I would n't wonder if the fire there cracked that
+chimney-glass."
+
+"Nothing more likely," added I, gravely; and down we went.
+
+It might possibly be out of utter recklessness, or perhaps from some
+want of a stimulant to cheer him, but he insisted on having two extra
+bottles of champagne, and he toasted Mrs. Gore Hampton with a zest
+and fervor that certainly my mother didn't approve of. On the whole,
+however, all passed off well, and we wished each other goodnight, with
+the pleasantest anticipations for the morrow.
+
+All was well; and we were at breakfast the next morning, merrily
+discussing the plans for the day, when the post arrived, with that
+ominous-looking packet I have already mentioned.
+
+"Shall I guess what that contains?" cried Lord George, pointing to the
+words, "on her Majesty's service," printed in the corner. "They 've made
+you Lord-Lieutenant of your county, Dodd! You shake your head. Well,
+it's something in the colonies they 've given you."
+
+"Perhaps it's the Civil Cross of the Bath," said Mrs. Gore Hampton.
+"They told me, before I left town, they were going to select some
+Irishman for that distinction."
+
+"I 'd rather it was a baronetcy," interposed my mother.
+
+"You are all forgetting," broke in my father, "that it's the Tories
+are in power, and they 'll give me nothing. I was always a moderate
+politician, and, for the last ten or fifteen years, there was nothing so
+unprofitable. Violence on either side met its reward, but the quiet men,
+like myself, were never remembered."
+
+"Then hang me if I should have been quiet!" cried Lord George.
+
+"Well, you see," said my father, breaking his egg slowly with the back
+of his spoon, "it suited me! I've seen a great deal of Ireland; I 'm
+old enough to remember the time when the Beresfords governed
+the country,--if you can call that government that was done with
+pitched-caps and cat-o'-nine-tails,--and I remember Lord Whitworth's
+Administration, and Lord Wellesley's, and latterly, Lord Normandy's.
+But, take my word for it, they were wrong, every one of them, and the
+reason was this: the English had a notion in their heads that Ireland
+must always be ruled through the intervention of some leadership or
+other. One time it was the Protestants, then it was the landlords, then
+came Dan O'Connell, and, lastly, it was the priests. Now, every one
+of these failed, because they could n't perform a tithe of what they
+promised; but still they all had that partial kind of success that saved
+the Administration a deal of trouble, and imposed upon the English the
+notion that they were at last learning how to govern Ireland. Meanwhile
+I 'll tell you what was happening. The Government totally forgot there
+was such a thing as a people in Ireland, and, what's worse, the people
+forgot it themselves; and the consequence was, they sank down to the
+level of a mean party following--a miserable, shabby herd--to shout
+after an Orange or a Green Demagogue, as the case might be. It was a
+faction, and not a nation; and England saw that, but she had not the
+honesty to own it was her own doing made it such. It was seeing all this
+made me a moderate politician, or, in other words, one who reposed a
+very moderate confidence in either of the parties that pretended to rule
+Ireland."
+
+"But you supported your friend, Vickars, notwithstanding," said Lord
+George, slyly.
+
+"Very true, so I did; but I never put forward any mock patriotism as the
+reason. What I said was, 'Ye 're all rogues and vagabonds alike, and
+as I know you 'll do nothing for Ireland, at least do something for the
+Dodd family;' and now let us see if he has, for I perceive that this
+address is in his handwriting."
+
+I own to you, Bob, I quaked somewhat as I saw him smash the seal. My
+mind misgave me in fifty ways. "Vickars," thought I, "has given me some
+infernal store-keepership in the Gambia, or made me inspector of yellow
+fever in Chusan." I surmised a dozen different promotions, every one
+of which was several posts on the road to the next world. Nor were my
+anticipations much brightened by watching the workings of the governor's
+face as he perused the epistle; for it grew darker and darker, the
+angles of the mouth were drawn down, till that expressive feature put
+on the semblance of a Saxon arch, while his eyes glistened with an
+expression of fiend-like malice.
+
+"Well, K. I.," said my mother, in whom the Job-like element was not of
+a high development,--"well, K. I., what does he say? Is it the old story
+about his list being full, or has he done it at last?"
+
+"Yes, ma'am," said my father, as though echoing her words. "He has done
+it at last!"
+
+"And what is it to be, papa? Is it something that a gentleman can
+suitably accept?" cried Mary Anne.
+
+"Done it at last, you may well say!" muttered my father, half aloud.
+
+"Better late than never," cried Lord George, gayly.
+
+"Well, I don't know _that_, my Lord," said my father, turning upon him
+with an abruptness little short of offensive; "I am not so sure that
+I quite coincide with you. If a young fellow enters life totally
+uneducated and unprovided for, his only certain heritage being the
+mortgages on his father's property, and perhaps," he added with a
+sneer,--"and perhaps some of his mother's virtues, I say I am not
+exactly convinced that he has improved his chances of worldly success by
+such a production as _that!_"
+
+And with these words, every one of which he delivered with a terrible
+distinctness, he handed a letter across the table to Lord George, who
+slowly perused it in silence.
+
+"As for _you_, sir," continued my father, turning towards me, "I grieve
+to inform you that no vacancy at present offers itself in the Guards,
+nor in the household, where your natural advantages could be remarked
+and appreciated. It will be, however, a satisfaction to you to know that
+your high claims are already understood, and well thought of, in the
+proper quarter. There's Mr. Vickars's letter." And he presented me with
+the note, which ran thus:--
+
+"Dear Mr. Dodd,--By the enclosed letter, bearing your son's signature, I
+have discovered how totally below his just expectations would be any
+of those official appointments which are within the limits of my humble
+patronage to bestow.
+
+"I have, consequently, cancelled the minute of his nomination to a place
+in the Treasury, which was yesterday conferred upon him, and having
+myself no influence in either of those departments to which his wishes
+incline, I have but to express the regret I feel at my inability to
+serve him, and the great respect with which I beg to remain,
+
+"Your very faithful servant,
+
+"Haddington Vickars."
+
+Board of Trade, London.
+
+"To Mr. James K. Dodd, Bonn."
+
+
+I am able to give you the precious document word for word; for, if I
+went over it once, I did so twenty times.
+
+"Perhaps you might like to refresh your memory by a glance at the
+enclosure," said my father. "My Lord George will kindly hand it to you."
+
+"It is a devilish good letter, though, I must say," broke in George;
+who, to do him justice, Bob, never deserts a friend in difficulties.
+"It's all very fine of this fellow to talk of his inability to do this,
+that, and t' other. Sure, we all know how they chop and barter their
+patronage with one another. One says, you may have that thing at
+Pernambuco, and then another says, 'Very well, there 's an ensigncy in
+the Fifty-ninth.' And that's only gammon about the appointment made
+out yesterday; he wants to ride off on that. A sharp fellow your friend
+Vickars! He 'd look a bit surprised, however, if you were to say that
+this letter of 'Jem's' was a forgery, and that you most gratefully
+accept the nomination he alludes to, and which, of course, is not yet
+filled up."
+
+"Eh, what! how do you mean?" cried my father, eagerly, for he caught at
+the very shadow of a chance with desperate avidity.
+
+"I was only in jest," said Lord George, who merely wanted, as he
+afterwards said, "to hustle the governor through the deep ground" of
+his anger. "I was in jest about them, for 'Jem's' letter is so good, so
+exceedingly well put, that it would be downright folly to disavow it.
+You have no idea," continued he, gravely, "what excellent policy it is
+always to ask for a high thing. They respect you for it, even when
+they give you nothing; and then, when you do at last receive some
+appointment, it is so certain to be beneath what you solicited, it
+establishes a claim for your perpetual discontent. You go on eternally
+boring about neglect, and so on. You accepted the humble post of Envoy
+at Stuttgard, for instance, under an implied pledge about Vienna or
+Constantinople. Besides these advantages, it is also to be remembered
+that every now and then they actually do take a fellow at his own
+valuation, and give him what he asks for."
+
+"Lord George is quite right," chimed in Mrs. Gore Hampton; "half of
+these things are purely accidental. I remember so well my uncle writing
+to beg that the tutor of his boys might get some small thing in the
+Church, just at the moment when the bishop of the diocese had died, and
+the minister, reading the letter carelessly,--my uncle's hand is very
+hard to decipher,--mistook the object of the request, and appointed him
+to the bishopric."
+
+"In that case," remarked my father, dryly, "I think Mrs. D. had better
+indite an epistle to the Home Office."
+
+And, although this was said in a sneer, the laughter that followed went
+far to restore us all to good-humor, particularly as Lord George took
+the opportunity of explaining to Mrs. Gore Hampton what had occurred,
+bespeaking her aid and influence in our behalf.
+
+"It is so absurd," said she, "that one should have any difficulty about
+these things, but such is the case. The Duchess will be certain to make
+excuses; she cannot ask for something, because she _is_ 'in waiting,' or
+she is not in waiting. Lord Harrowcliff is sure to tell me that he
+has just been refused a request, and cannot subject himself to another
+humiliation; but I always reply, these are most selfish arguments, and
+that I really must have what I want; that a refusal always attacks
+my nerves, and that I will not be ill merely to indulge a caprice of
+theirs. What is it Mr. James wants?"
+
+There was something so practical in this short question, Bob, something
+so decisive, that had she been talking the rankest absurdity but the
+moment before, we should have forgotten it all in an instant.
+
+"A mere nothing," replied Lord George. "You'll smile when you hear what
+we 're making such a fuss about." As he said these words, he muttered
+in the governor's ear, "It's all right now; she detests asking a favor,
+but, if she _will_ stoop to it--" An expressive gesture implied that
+success was certain.
+
+"Well, you have n't told me what it is," said she again.
+
+Lord George passed round to the back of her chair, and whispered a few
+words. She replied in the same low tone, and then they both laughed.
+
+"You don't mean to say," cried she, turning to my father, "that you have
+experienced any difficulty about this trifle?"
+
+The governor blundered out some bashful confession, that he had
+encountered the most extraordinary obstacles to his wishes.
+
+"I really think," said she, sighing, "they do these things just to
+provoke people. They wanted Augustus t' other day to go out to the
+Cape, and I assure you it was as much as Lady Mary could do to have the
+appointment changed. They said his 'regiment' was there. '_Tant pis_ for
+his regiment!' replied she. 'It must be a most disgusting station.' And
+that is, I must say, the worst of the Horse Guards; they are always so
+imperative,--so downright cruel. Don't you agree with me, Mrs. Dodd?"
+
+"They could n't be worse than the regiment I 've heard my father speak
+of," replied my mother. "They were called the 'North Britains,' and were
+the wickedest set of wretches in the rebellion of '98."
+
+This unhappy blunder set my father into a roar of laughter, for latterly
+it is only on occasions like this that he is moved to any show of
+merriment. Mrs. Gore Hampton, of course, never noticed the mistake, but
+saying, "Now for my letters," ordered her writing-desk to be brought: a
+sign of promptitude that at once diverted all our thoughts into another
+channel.
+
+"Shall I write to the Duke or to Lady Mary first?" said she, pondering;
+and her eyes, accidentally falling upon my mother, she thought herself
+the person addressed, and replied,--
+
+"Indeed, ma'am, if you ask _me_, I'd say the Duke."
+
+"I'm for Lady Mary," interposed Lord George. "There's nothing like a
+woman to ferret out news, and find a way to profit by it. The duke will
+just say, casually, 'I've got a letter somewhere--I hope I have not
+mislaid it--about a vacancy in the "Coldstreams;" if you hear of
+anything, just drop me a hint. By the way--is Fox in the Fusiliers
+still?'--or, 'I hope they'll change that shako, it's monstrous!' Now,
+my Lady Mary will go another way to work. She'll remember the name of
+everybody that can be possibly useful. She 'll drive about, and give
+little dinners, and talk, and flatter, and cajole, and intrigue, and,
+growing distant here, and jealous there, she'll bring into action a
+thousand forces that mere men-creatures know nothing of."
+
+"I'm for the Duke still," said my mother; and Mary Anne, by an
+inclination of her head, showed that she seconded the motion.
+
+It became now an actual debate, Bob, and you would be amazed were I to
+tell you what strong expressions and angry feelings were evoked by mere
+partisanship, on a subject whereupon not one of us had the slightest
+knowledge whatsoever. My father and I were with Tiverton, and as
+"Caroline walked into the lobby," as George phrased it, we carried the
+question. Mrs. G., however, declared that, beside the casting voice,
+she had a right to a vote, and, giving it to my mother's side, we were
+equal. In this stage of the proceedings a compromise alone could be
+resorted to, and so it was agreed that she should write to both by the
+same post; but the discussion had already lost us a day, for the mail
+went out while my mother was "left speaking."
+
+I have probably been prolix, my dear friend, in all this detail, but it
+will at least show you how the Dodd family conduct questions of internal
+policy; and teach you, besides, that Cabinets and Councils of State have
+no special prerogative for folly and absurdity, since even small and
+obscure folk like ourselves can contest the palm with them.
+
+Neither could you well believe what small but bitter animosities, what
+schisms, and what divisions grew out of a matter so insignificant as
+this. The remainder of the day was passed gloomily enough, for we each
+of us avoided the other, with that misgiving that belongs to those who
+have uneasy consciences.
+
+They say that a good harvest often saves a bad administration; certainly
+a fine day will frequently avert a domestic broil. Had the morning which
+followed our debate been a favorable one, the chances are we should have
+been away to the Seven Mountains, or the village of Konigswinter, or
+some such place; bad luck would have it that the rain came down in
+torrents from daybreak, heavy clouds gathered over the Rhine, shutting
+out the opposite bank from view, so that nothing remained to us but
+home resources, which is but too often a brief expression for row and
+recrimination.
+
+Breakfast over, each of us, as if dreading a "call of the House,"
+affected some peculiarly pressing duty that he had to perform. The
+governor retired to pore over his accounts, and tried to make out that
+the debit against him in his bankbook was a balance in his favor. My
+mother retreated to her room to hold a grand inspection of her wardrobe;
+a species of review that always discovers several desertions, and a vast
+amount of "unserviceables." Leaving her and Mary Anne in court-martial
+over Betty Cobb, who, as usual, when brought up for sentence, claimed
+the right to be sent home, I pass on to Lord George, whose wet days are
+generally devoted to practising some new "hazard off the cushion,"
+or the investigation of that philosopher's stone, a martingale at
+Rouge-et-Noir, and I arrive at my own case, which invariably
+resolves itself into a day of gun and pistol cleaning,--an occupation
+mysteriously linked with gloomy weather, as though one ought to have
+everything in readiness to blow his brains out, if the mercury continued
+to fall.
+
+Mrs. G. had a headache, and Caroline was in pursuit of one over the
+pages of the "Thirty Years' War." Such was the tableau of the Dodd
+family on this agreeable day. I don't give myself much up to reflection,
+Bob. I have always thought that as life is a road to be travelled, one
+step forward is worth any number in the opposite direction; but I vow to
+you that, on this occasion, I did begin to ponder a little over the past
+and the present, with a half-glance at the future. What the governor had
+said the day before was no more than the truth,--we _were_ living at
+a tremendous rate. If all belonging to us were sold, the capital would
+scarcely afford six or seven years of such expenditure. These were
+serious, if not stunning reflections, and I heartily wished they had
+occupied any other head than my own.
+
+To _you_--who have always given your brains their own share of
+work--thinking is no labor. It's like a gallop to a horse in hard
+bunting condition, and only serves to keep him in wind; but to _me_,
+whose faculties are, so to say, fresh from grass, the fatigue of thought
+is no trifling infliction. Slow men, I take it, suffer more than your
+clever fellows on these occasions, since their minds are not suggestive
+of expedients, and they go on plodding over the same ground, till they
+make a beaten course in their poor brains, like an old race-ground.
+Something in this fashion must have occurred to me; for by dint of
+that dreary morning's rumination, I half made up my mind to emigrate
+somewhere, and if I did n't exactly know where, the fault lies more in
+my geography than my spirit of enterprise.
+
+The only book I could lay my hands on likely to give me any information
+was "Cook's Voyages;" and this, I remembered, was in the governor's
+room. I at once descended the stairs, and had just reached the little
+conservatory outside of it, when I caught sight of a woman's dress
+beneath the thick foliage of the orange-trees. I crept noiselessly
+onward, and after a very devious series of artful dodges, I detected
+Mrs. D. playing eavesdropper at the governor's door.
+
+I tried to persuade myself that I was mistaken. I did my best to fancy
+that she was botanizing or "bouquet" gathering; but no, the stubborn
+fact would not be denied. There she was, bent down, with ear and eye
+alternately at the keyhole. Neither the act nor the situation were very
+dignified, and determining that she should not be detected by any other
+in this predicament, I kicked down a flower-pot, and, before I had well
+time to replace it, she was gone.
+
+I 'm quite prepared for the laugh you 'll give, Bob, when I own to
+you that no sooner had I seen her vanish from the horizon than I
+deliberately took my place exactly where she had been. Of course, my
+sense of honor and delicacy suggested that I had no other object in
+view than to ascertain what it was that bad drawn her to the spot. Any
+curiosity that possessed me was strictly confined to this.
+
+I accordingly bent my ear to the keyhole, and had just time to recognize
+Mrs. Gore Hampton's voice, when the noise of chairs being drawn back,
+and the scuffling sounds of feet, showed that the interview had come
+to an end. Scarcely a moment was left me to shelter myself among the
+leaves, when the door opened, "discovering," as stage directions would
+say, Mr. Dodd and Mrs. Gore Hampton in conversation.
+
+There was really a dramatic look in the situation too. The governor's
+flowered dressing-gown and velvet skullcap, decorated in front by his
+up-raised spectacles, like a portcullis over his nose, contrasted so
+well with the graceful morning robe of Mrs. G., all floating and gauzy,
+and to which her every gesture imparted some new character of vapory
+lightness.
+
+"Dear Mr. Dodd," said she, pressing his hand with extreme cordiality,
+"you have been so very, very kind, I really have no words to express
+what I feel towards you. I have long felt that I owed you this
+explanation--I have tried to summon courage for it for weeks past--then
+I sometimes doubted how you might receive it."
+
+"Oh, madam!" interrupted he, gracefully closing his drapery with one
+hand, while he pressed the other on his heart.
+
+"You kind creature!" cried she, enthusiastically. "I can now wonder at
+myself that I should ever have admitted a doubt on the question. But
+if you only knew what sorrows I have seen--if you only knew with what
+severe lessons mistrust and suspicion have become graven on this heart,
+young as it is--"
+
+"Ah, madam!" murmured he, as though the last few words had made the
+deepest impression upon him.
+
+"Well, it's over now," cried she, in her more natural tone of gayety.
+"The weary load is off me, and I am myself again,--thanks to you, dear,
+dear kind friend."
+
+Faith, Bob, from the enthusiasm of the utterance of this last speech, I
+thought that a stage embrace ought to have followed; and I believe that
+the governor was of my mind too, and only restrained by some real or
+fancied necessity to keep his toga closed in front of him. Mrs.
+G., however, as though fearing that he might ultimately forget the
+"unities," again pressed his hand with both her own, and murmuring,
+"With you, then, my secret is safe,--to _you_ all is confided," she
+hurried away, as if overcome by her feelings.
+
+I could not guess what might have reached my mother's ears, but I
+thought to myself, if she only had heard even this much, and witnessed
+the fervor with which it was uttered, the governor's life for the next
+few weeks needs not be envied by any one out of a condemned cell. Not
+that to _me_ the scene admitted of any interpretation which should
+warrant her suspicions; but so it is, she takes a jealous turn every now
+and then, and he can't take a pinch of snuff without her peering over
+his shoulder to see if he has not got a miniature in the lid of the box.
+He used to try to reason her out of these notions,--his vindications
+even took the dangerous length of certain abstract opinions about the
+sex in general, very far from complimentary; but latterly he has sought
+refuge in drink, which usually ends in an illness, so that an attack of
+jealousy was the invariable premonitory symptom of one of gout; and my
+mother's temper and tincture of colchicum seemed inseparably connected
+by some unseen link.
+
+From these thoughts I followed on to others about the scene itself,
+and what possible circumstance could have led Mrs. G. H. to visit the
+governor in his own room, and what was the prodigious mystery she had
+just confided to his keeping. Probability, I fear, takes up little space
+in any speculation about a woman. I am sure that if I were to recount to
+you one-half of the absurd and extravagant fancies that occurred to me
+on this occasion, you would infallibly set me down as mad. I 'll not tax
+your patience with the recital, but frankly confess to you that I have
+not a clew, even the slightest, to the mystery; nor from the manner in
+which I have learned its existence, can I venture to ask Lord George to
+aid me.
+
+The incident had one effect,--it totally banished emigration, clearings,
+and log huts from my mind, and set my thoughts a rambling upon all
+the strange people and extraordinary events that travelling abroad
+introduces one to; and with this reflection I strolled back to my room,
+and sat brooding over the fire till it was time to dress for dinner.
+Although you may not have the vaguest notion of what is passing in the
+minds of certain people, the very fact that they are fully occupied
+with certain strong feelings is a reason for observing them with an
+extraordinary interest; and so was it that our party at table that day
+was full of meaning to me. There was a kind of languid repose about
+Mrs. Gore Hampton's manner which seemed especially assumed towards the
+governor, and a certain fidgety consciousness in _his_, sufficiently
+noticeable; while my mother, dressed in one of her war turbans, looked
+unutterably fierce things on every side. It was easy enough to see
+that all this additional weight upon the safety-valves of her temper
+threatened a terrible explosion at last, and it required all the tact
+I could muster to my aid to defer the catastrophe. Lord George gave me,
+too, his willing aid, and by the help of an old Professor of Oriental
+Languages, we made up her rubber of whist in the evening.
+
+Alas, Bob! even four by honors couldn't console her for the "odd
+trick" she suspected the governor was playing her; and she broke up the
+card-table, and retired with that swelling dignity of manner that is the
+accompaniment of injured feelings.
+
+It had been our plan to proceed from this place direct to Baden-Baden,
+which, from everything I can learn, must be a perfect paradise; but now,
+to my great surprise, I discovered that for some secret reason we
+should first go to Ems, and remain there a week or two before proceeding
+further. This arrangement was Mrs. G's, and Lord George seemed to give
+it his hearty concurrence; alleging, but for the first time, that it
+was absurd to think of Baden before the middle of July. I could easily
+perceive that this change of purpose contained some mysterious motive;
+but, as Tiverton persisted in averring that it was "all on the square,"
+and "no double," I had to accept it as such.
+
+Such is, therefore, our position as I write these lines; and although
+to-morrow might develop the first movement of the campaign, I cannot
+keep my letter open to communicate it You will see that we are as
+divided as a Ministerial Cabinet. Some of us, doubtless, have their
+honest convictions, and others are, perhaps, plastic enough to receive
+impressions from without, but how we are to work together, and how, as
+the great authority said, the "Government is to be carried on," is more
+than yet appears to
+
+Your ever attached friend,
+
+James Dodd.
+
+I open my letter to say that Lord G. has just dropped in to tell me what
+is the plan of procedure. The Grand Duchess of Hohenschwillinghen is to
+arrive at Ems this week, and Mrs. G. H. is anxious to wait upon her at
+once. They were dear friends once, but something or other interposed a
+coolness between them of late years. Lord G. endeavored to explain this,
+but I couldn't follow the story. It was something about one of our royal
+family wanting to marry, or not to marry, somebody else, and that Mrs.
+G. H. or the Duchess had promoted or opposed the match. Suffice, it was
+a regular kingly shindy, and all engaged in it were of the blood royal.
+
+The really important thing at the moment is that the governor is to
+conduct Mrs. G. H. to-morrow to Ems, and we are to follow in a day
+or two. How my mother will receive this information, or who is to
+communicate it to her, are questions not so easily solved.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXI. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER.
+
+My dear Molly,--If it wasn't that I am supported in a wonderful way, and
+that my appetite keeps good for the bit I eat, I would n't be able to
+sit down here and relate the sufferings of my afflicted heart There has
+been nothing but trials and tribulations over me since I wrote last, and
+I knew it was coming, too, for that dirty beast, Paddy Byrne, upset
+the lamp, and spilled all the oil over the sofa the other evening; and
+whilst the others were scouring and scrubbing with spirit of soap and
+neumonia, I sat down to cry heartily, for I foresaw what was coming; and
+I knew well that spilt oil is the unluckiest thing that ever happens in
+a family.
+
+Maybe I wasn't right The very next morning Betty Cobb goes and cuts my
+antic lace flounce down the middle, to make borders for caps; and that
+wasn't enough, but she puts the front breadth of my new flowered satin
+upside down, so that, "to make the roses go right," as James says, "I
+ought to walk on my head." That's spilt oil for you!
+
+Whilst I was endeavoring to bear up against these with all Christian
+animosity, in comes the post-bag. The very sight of it, Molly, gave me a
+turn; and, I declare to you, I knew as well there was bad news in it as
+if I was inside of it. You've often beard of a "presentment" Molly,
+and that's what I had; and when you have that, it's no matter what it's
+about, whether it's a road that's broke up, or a bridge that's broke
+down, take my advice, and never listen to what they call "reason," for
+it's just flying in the face of Providence. I had one before Mary Anne
+was born. I thought the poor baby would have the mark of a snail on her
+neck; and true enough, the very same week K. I. was shot through the
+skirts of his coat, and came home with five slugs in him; and when you
+think, as Father Maher said, "Slugs and snails are own brothers," or, at
+least, have a strong anomaly between them, my dream came true; not but I
+acknowledge, gratefully, that in this case the fright was worse than the
+reality.
+
+Well, to come back to the bag; I looked at it, and said to myself, as I
+often said to K. I., "Smooth and slippery as you seem without, there's
+bad inside of you;" and you 'll see yourself if I was n't right both
+ways.
+
+The first letter they took out was for myself, and in Waters's
+handwriting. It began with all the balderdash and hard names the lawyers
+have for everything, trying to confuse and confound, just as, Father
+Maher says, the "scuttle-fish" muddies the water before he runs away;
+but towards the end, my dear, he grew plainer and more conspicuous, for
+he said, "You will perceive, by the subjoined account, that after the
+payment of law charges, and other contingent expenses, the sum at your
+disposal will amount to twelve hundred and thirty-four pounds six and
+ninepence-halfpenny." I thought I 'd drop, Molly, as I read it; I
+shook and I trembled, and I believe, indeed, ended with a strong fit of
+screeching, for my nerves was weak before, and really this shock was
+too much for any constitution. Twelve hundred and thirty-six! when I
+expected, at the very least, fifteen or sixteen thousand pounds! It was
+only that very blessed morning that I was planning to myself about a
+separation from K. I. I calculated that I 'd have about six hundred a
+year of my own; and, out of decency sake, he could n't refuse me three
+or four more, and with this, and my present knowledge of the Continent,
+I thought I 'd do remarkably well. For I must observe to you, Molly,
+that there's no manner of disgrace, or even unpleasantness, in being
+separated abroad. It is not like in Ireland, where everybody thinks the
+worse of you both; and, what between your own friends and your husband's
+friends, there is n't an event of your private life that 's not laid
+bare before the world, so that, at last, the defence of you turns out
+to be just as dreadful as the abuse. No, Molly, here it's all different
+Next to being divorced, the most fashionable thing is a separation, and
+for one woman, in really high life, that lives with her husband, you 'll
+find three that does not. I suppose, like everything else in this sinful
+world, there's good and there 's bad in this custom. When I first came
+abroad, I own, I disliked to see it. I fancied that, no matter how it
+came about, the women was always wrong. But that was merely an Irish
+prejudice, and, like many others, I have lived to get rid of it. There
+'s nothing convinces you of this so soon as knowing intimately the
+ladies that are in this situation.
+
+Of all the amiable creatures I ever met, I know nothing to compare with
+them. It is not merely of manners and good breeding that I speak,
+but the gentle, mild quietness of their temper,--a kind of submissive
+softness that, I own to you, one can't have with their husbands, and
+maybe that's the reason they 've left them. I merely mention this to
+show you that if I had a reasonably good income, and was separated from
+K. I., there 's no society abroad that I mightn't be in; and, in fact,
+my dear Molly, I may sum all up by saying that living with your husband
+may give you some comfort when you 're at home, but it certainly
+excludes you from all sympathy abroad; and for one friend that you have
+in the former case, you 'll have, at the least, ten in the latter.
+
+This will explain to you why and how my thoughts ran upon separation,
+for if I had stayed in Ireland, I 'm sure I 'd never have thought of
+it; for I own to you, with shame and sorrow, Molly, that we know no more
+about civilization in our poor Ireland "than," as Lord George says, "a
+prairie bull does about oil-cake."
+
+You may judge, then, of what my feelings was when I read Waters's
+letter, and saw all my elegant hopes melting like jelly on a hot plate.
+Twelve hundred pounds! Was it out of mockery he left it to me? Faith,
+Molly, I cried more that night than ever I thought to do for old Jones
+M'Carthy! Myself and Mary Anne was as red in the eyes as two ferrets.
+
+The first, and of course the great shock was the loss of the money,
+and after that came the thought of the way K. I. would behave when he
+discovered my disappointment. For I must tell you that the bare idea of
+my being independent drove him almost crazy. He seemed, somehow, to have
+a kind of lurking suspicion that I'd want to separate, and now, when he
+'d come to discover the trifle I was left, there would be no enduring
+his gibes and his jeers. I had it all before me how he 'd go on,
+tormenting and harassing me from daylight to dark. This was dreadful,
+Molly, and overcame me completely. I knew him well; and that he would
+n't be satisfied with laughing at my legacy, but he 'd go on to abuse
+the M'Carthy family and all my relations. There's nothing a low man
+detests like the real old nobility of a country.
+
+Mary Anne and I talked it all over the whole night, and turned it every
+way we could think. If we kept the whole secret, it would save "going
+into black" for ourselves and the servants, and that was a great object;
+but then we could n't take the name of M'Carthy after that of Dodd,
+quartering the arms on our shield, and so on, without announcing
+the death of poor Jones M'Carthy. There was the hitch; for Mary Anne
+persisted in thinking that the best thing about it all was the elegant
+opportunity it offered of getting rid of the name of Dodd, or, at the
+least, hiding it under the shadow of M'Carthy.
+
+Ah, my dear Molly, you know the proverb, "Man proposes, but fate
+opposes." While we were discoursing over these things, little I guessed
+the mine that was going to explode under my feet. I mentioned to you in
+my last, I think, a lady with whom we agreed to travel in company,--a
+Mrs. Gore Hampton, a very handsome, showy woman,--though I own to you,
+Molly, not what I call "one of _my_ beauties."
+
+She is tall and dark-haired, and has that kind of soft, tender way with
+men that I remark does more mischief than any other. We all liked her
+greatly at first,--I suppose she determined we should, and spared no
+pains to suit herself to our various dispositions. I 'm sure I tried to
+be as accommodating as she was, and I took to arts and sciences that
+I could n't find any pleasure in; but I went with the stream, as the
+saying is, and you 'll see where it left me! I vow to you I had my
+misgivings that a handsome, fine-looking young woman was only thinking
+of dried frogs and ferns. They were n't natural tastes, and so I kept a
+sharp eye on her. At one time I suspected she was tender on Lord George,
+and then I thought it was James; but at last, Molly darling, the truth
+flashed across me, like a streak of lightning, making me stone blind
+in a minute! What was it I perceived, do you think, but that the real
+"Lutherian" was no other than K. I. himself? I feel that I 'm blushing
+as I write it The father of three children, grown-up, and fifty-eight in
+November, if he's not more, but he won't own to it.
+
+There's things, Molly, "too dreadful," as Father Maher remarks, "for
+human credulity," and when one of them comes across you in life, the
+only thing is to take up the Litany to St Joseph, and go over it once or
+twice, then read a chapter or two of Dr. Croft's "Modern Miracles of the
+Church," and by that time you're in a frame to believe anything. Well,
+as I had n't the book by me, I thought I 'd take a solitary ramble by
+myself, to reflect and consider, and down I went to a kind of greenhouse
+that is full of orange and lemon trees, and where I was sure to be
+alone.
+
+K. I. has what he calls his dressing-room--it's little trouble dressing
+gives him--at the end of this; but I was n't attending to that, but
+sitting with a heavy heart under a dwarf fig-tree, like Nebuchadnezzar,
+and only full of my own misfortunes, when I heard through the trees the
+rustling sound of a woman's dress. I bent down my head to see, and there
+was Mrs. G. in a white muslin dressing-gown, but elegantly trimmed with
+Malines lace, two falls round the cape, and the same on the arm, just as
+becoming a thing as any she could put on.
+
+"What's this for?" said I to myself; for you may guess I knew she
+did n't dress that way to pluck lemons and green limes; and so I sat
+watching her in silence. She stood, evidently listening, for a minute
+or two; she then gathered two or three flowers, and stuck them in her
+waist, and, after that, she hummed a few bars of a tune, quite low,
+and as if to herself. That was, I suppose, a signal, for K. I.'s door
+opened; and there he stood himself, and a nice-looking article he was,
+with his ragged _robe de chambre_, and his greasy skull-cap, bowing
+and scraping like an old monkey. "I little knew that such a flower
+was blooming in the conservatory," said he, with a smirk I suppose he
+thought quite captivating.
+
+"You do not pretend that you selected your apartment here but in the
+hope of watching the unfolding buds," replied she; and then, with
+something in a lower voice, to which he answered in the same, she passed
+on into his room, and he closed the door after her.
+
+I suppose I must have fainted, Molly, after that. I remembered nothing,
+except seeing lemon and orange trees all sliding and flitting about, and
+felt myself as if I was shooting down the Rhine on a raft. Maybe it's
+for worse that I 'm reserved. Maybe it would have been well for me if
+I was carried away out of this world of woe, wickedness, and artful
+widows. When I came to myself, I suddenly recalled everything; and it
+was as much as I could do not to scream out and bring all the house to
+the spot and expose them both. But I subdued my indigent feelings, and,
+creeping over to the door, I peeped at them through the keyhole.
+
+K. I. was seated in his big chair, she in another close beside him. He
+was reading a letter, and she watching him, as if her life depended on
+him.
+
+"Now read this," said she, thrusting another paper into his hand, "for
+you 'll see it is even worse."
+
+[Illustration: 278]
+
+"My heart bleeds for you, my dear Mrs. Gore," said he, taking off his
+spectacles and wiping his eyes, and red enough they were afterwards, for
+there was snuff on his handkerchief,--"my heart bleeds for you!"
+
+These were his words; and why I didn't break open the door when I heard
+them, is more than I can tell.
+
+"I was certain of your sympathy; I knew you 'd feel for me, my dear Mr.
+Dodd," said she, sobbing.
+
+"Of course you were," said I to myself. "He was the kind of old fool
+you wanted. But, faith, he shall feel for _me_, too, or my name is not
+Jemima."
+
+"I don't suppose you ever heard of so cruel a case?" said she, still
+sobbing.
+
+"Never,--never," cried he, clasping his hands. "I did n't believe it was
+in the nature of man to treat youth, beauty, and loveliness with such
+inhumanity. One that could do it must be a Creole Indian."
+
+"Ah, Mr. Dodd!" said she, looking up into his eyes.
+
+"In Tartary, or the Tropics," said he, "such wretches may be found, but
+in our own country and our own age--"
+
+"Ah, Mr. Dodd," said she, again, "it is only in an Irish heart such
+generous emotions have their home!"
+
+The artful hussey, she knew the tenderest spot of his nature by an
+instinct! for if there was anything he could n't resist, it was the
+appeal to his being Irish. And to show you, Molly, the designing
+craft of her, _she_ knew that weakness of K. I. in less than a month's
+acquaintance, that _I_ did n't find out till I was eight or nine years
+married to him.
+
+For a minute or two my feelings overcame me so much that I could n't
+look or listen to them; but when I did, she had her hand on his arm, and
+was saying in the softest voice,--
+
+"I may, then, count upon your kindness,--I may rest assured of your
+friendship."
+
+"That you may,--that you may, my dear madam," said he.
+
+Yes, Molly, he called her "madam" to her own face.
+
+"If there should be any cruel enough, ungenerous enough, or base
+enough," sobbed she, "to calumniate me, _you_ will be my protector;
+and beneath _your_ roof shall I find my refuge. _Your_ character--your
+station in society--the honorable position you have ever held in
+the world--your claims as a father--your age--will all give the best
+contradiction to any scandal that malevolence can invent. Those dear
+venerable locks--"
+
+Just as she said this, I heard somebody coming, and in haste too, for a
+flower-pot was thrown down, and I had barely time to make my escape to
+my own room, where I threw myself on my bed, and cried for two hours.
+
+I have gone through many trials, Molly. Few women, I believe, have seen
+more affliction and sorrow than myself; from the day of my ill-suited
+marriage with K. I. to the present moment, I may say, it has been out
+of one misery into another with me ever since. But I don't think I ever
+cried as hearty as I did then, for, you see, there was no delusion
+or confusion possible! I heard everything with my own ears, and saw
+everything with my own eyes.
+
+I listened to their plans and projects, and even heard them rejoicing
+that, because he was stricken in years, and the father of a grown
+family, nobody would suspect what he was at "Those dear venerable
+locks," as she called them, were to witness for him!
+
+Oh, Molly, wasn't this too bad; could you believe that there was as much
+duplicity in the world as this? _I_ own, _I_ never did. I thought I saw
+wickedness enough in Ireland. I know the shameless way I was cheated in
+wool, and that Mat never was honest about rabbit-skins. But what was all
+that compared to this?
+
+When I grew more composed, I sent for Mary Anne, and told her
+everything; but just to show you the perversity of human nature, she
+would n't agree to one word I said. It was law papers, she was sure,
+that Mrs. G. was showing; she had something in Chancery, maybe, or
+perhaps it was a legacy "tied up," like our own, "and that she wanted
+advice about it" But what nonsense that was! Sure, he needn't be the
+father of a family to advise her about all that. And there I was, Molly,
+without human creature to support or sustain me! For the first time
+since I came abroad, I wished myself back in Dodsborough. Not, indeed,
+that K. I. would ever have behaved this way at home in Ireland, with the
+eyes of the neighborhood on him, and Father Maher within call.
+
+I passed a weary night of it, for Mary Anne never left me, arguing and
+reasoning with me, and trying to convince me that I was wrong, and if I
+was to act upon my delusions, that I 'd be the ruin of them all. "Here
+we are now," said she, "with the finest opportunity for getting into
+society ever was known. Mrs. G. is one of the aristocracy, and intimate
+with everybody of fashion: quarrel with her, or even displease her,
+and where will we be, or who will know us? Our difficulties are already
+great enough. Papa's drab gaiters, and the name of Dodd, are obstacles
+in our way, that only great tact and first-rate management can get over.
+When we are swimming for our lives," said she, "let us not throw away
+a life-preserver." Was n't it a nice name for a woman that was going to
+shipwreck a whole family.
+
+The end of it all was, however, that I was to restrain my feelings, and
+be satisfied to observe and watch what was going on, for as they could
+have no conception of my knowing anything, I might be sure to detect
+them.
+
+When I agreed to this plan, I grew easier in my mind, for, as I remarked
+to Mary Anne, "I 'm like soda-water, and when you once draw the cork,
+I never fret nor froth any more." So that after a cold chicken, cut up
+with salad, a thing Mary Anne makes to perfection, and a glass of white
+wine negus, I slept very soundly till late in the afternoon.
+
+Mary Anne came twice into my room to see if I was awake, but I was lying
+in a dreamy kind of half-sleep, and took no notice of her, till she said
+that Mrs. Gore Hampton was so anxious to speak to me about something
+confidentially. "I think," said Mary Anne, "she wants your advice
+and counsel for some matter of difficulty, because she seems greatly
+agitated, and very impatient to be admitted." I thought at first to say
+I was indisposed, and could n't see any one; but Mary Anne persuaded me
+it was best to let her in; so I dressed myself in my brown satin with
+three flounces, and my jet ornaments, out of respect to poor Jones that
+was gone, and waited for her as composed as could be.
+
+Mary Anne has often remarked that there's a sort of quiet dignity in my
+manner when I 'm offended, that becomes me greatly. I suppose I'm more
+engaging when I am pleased. But the grander style, Mary Anne thinks,
+becomes me even better. Upon this occasion I conclude that I was looking
+my very best, for I saw that Mrs. G. made an involuntary stop as she
+entered, and then, as if suddenly correcting herself, rushed over to
+embrace me.
+
+"Forgive my rudeness, my dear Mrs. Dodd, and although nothing can be
+in worse taste than to offer any remark upon a friend's dress, I must
+positively do it. Your cap is charming,--actually charming."
+
+It was a bit of net, Molly, with a rosette of pink and blue ribbon on
+the sides, and only cost eight francs, so that I showed her that
+the flattery didn't succeed. "It's very simple, ma'am," said I, "and
+therefore more suitable to my time of life."
+
+"Your time of life," said she, laughing, so that for several minutes she
+could n't continue. "Say _our_ time of life, if you like, and I hope and
+trust it's exactly the time in which one most enjoys the world, and is
+really most fitted to adorn it."
+
+I can't follow her, Molly; I don't know what she said, or did n't say,
+about princesses, and duchesses, and other great folk, that made no
+"sensation" whatever in society till they were, as she said, "like us."
+She is an artful creature, and has a most plausible way with her; but
+this I must say, that many of her remarks were strictly and undeniably
+true; particularly when she spoke about the dignified repose and calm
+suavity of womanhood. There I was with her completely, for nothing
+shocks me more than that giggling levity one sees in young girls; and
+even in some young married women.
+
+We talked a great deal on this subject, and I agreed with her so
+entirely that I was in danger every moment of forgetting the cold
+reserve that I ought to feel towards her; but every now and then it came
+over me like a shudder, and I bridled up, and called her "ma'am" in a
+way that quite chilled her.
+
+"Here, it's four o'clock," said she, at last, looking at her watch, "and
+I have n't yet said one word about what I came for. Of course you know
+what I mean?"
+
+"I have not that honor, ma'am," said I, with dignity.
+
+"Indeed! Then Mr. Dodd has not apprised you--he has mentioned nothing--"
+
+"No, ma'am, Mr. Dodd has mentioned nothing;" and this I said with a
+significance, Molly, that even stone would have shrunk under.
+
+"Men are too absurd," said she, laughing; "they recollect nothing."
+
+"They do forget themselves at times, ma'am," said I, with a look that
+must have shot through her.
+
+She was so confused, Molly, that she had to pretend to be looking for
+something in her bag, and held down her head for several seconds.
+
+"Where can I have laid that letter?" said she. "I am so very careless
+about letters; fortunately for me I have no secrets, is it not?"
+
+This was too barefaced, Molly, so I only said "Humph!"
+
+"I must have left it on my table," said she, still searching, "or
+perhaps dropped it as I came along."
+
+"Maybe in the conservatory, ma'am," said I, with a piercing glance.
+
+"I never go there," said she, calmly. "One is sure to catch cold in it,
+with all the draughts."
+
+The audacity of this speech gave me a sick feeling all over, and I
+thought I 'd have fainted. "The effrontery that could carry her through
+that," thought I, "will sustain her in any wickedness;" and I sat there
+powerless before her from that minute.
+
+"The letter," said she, "was from old Madame de Rougemont,
+who is in waiting on the Duchess, and mentions that they will reach Ems
+by the 24th at latest. It's full of gossip. You know the old Rougemont,
+what wonderful tact she has, and how well she tells everything."
+
+She rattled along here at such a rate, Molly, that even if I knew every
+topic of her discourse, I could not have kept up with her. There was the
+Emperor of Russia, and the Queen of Greece, and Prince this of Bavaria,
+and Prince that of the Asturias, all moving about in little family
+incidents; and what between the things they were displeased at, and
+others that gratified them,--how this one was disgraced, and that got
+the cross of St. Something, and why such a one went _here_ to meet
+somebody who could n't go _there_--my head was so completely addled that
+I was thankful to Providence when she concluded the harangue by
+something that I could comprehend. "Under these circumstances, my dear
+Mrs. Dodd," said she, "you will, I am sure, agree with me, there is no
+time to be lost."
+
+"I think not, ma'am," said I, but without an inkling of what I was
+saying.
+
+"I knew you would say so," said she, clasping my hand. "You have an
+unerring tact upon every question, which reminds me so strongly of Lady
+Paddington. She and the Great Duke, you know, were said to be never in
+the wrong. It is therefore an unspeakable relief to me that you see this
+matter as I do. It will be, besides, such a pleasure to the poor dear
+Duchess to have us with her; for I vow to you, Mrs. Dodd, I love her for
+her own sake. Many people make a show of attachment to her from selfish
+motives,--they know how gratified our royal family feel for such
+attentions,--but I really love her for herself; and so will you, dearest
+Mrs. Dodd. Worldly folk would speculate upon the advantages to be
+derived from her vast influence,--the posts of honor to be conferred on
+sons and daughters; but I know how little these things weigh with _you_.
+Not, I must add, but that I give you less credit for this independence
+of feeling than I should accord to others. You and yours are happily
+placed above all the accidents of fortune in this world; and if it ever
+_should_ occur to you to seek for anything in the power of patronage to
+bestow, who is there would not hasten to confer it? But to return to
+the dear Duchess. She says the 24th at latest, and to-day we are at the
+22nd, so you see there is not any time to lose."
+
+"Not a great deal indeed, ma'am," said I, for I suddenly remembered all
+about her with K. I., as she laid her hand on my arm exactly as I saw
+her do upon his.
+
+"With a sympathetic soul," cried she, "how little need is there of
+explanation! You already see what I am pointing at. You have read in my
+heart my devotion and attachment to that sweet princess, and you see
+how I am bound by every tie of gratitude and affection to hasten to meet
+her."
+
+You may be sure, Molly, that I gave my heartiest concurrence to the
+arrangement. The very thought of getting rid of her was the best tidings
+I could hear; since, besides putting an end to all her plots and devices
+for the future, it would give me the opportunity of settling accounts
+with K. I., which it would be impossible to do till I had him here
+alone. It was, then, with real sincerity that my "sympathetic soul"
+fully assented to all she said.
+
+"I knew you would forgive me. I knew that you would not be angry with
+me for this sudden flight," said she.
+
+"Not in the least, ma'am," said I, stiffly.
+
+"This is true kindness,--this is real friendship," said she, pressing my
+band.
+
+"I hope it is, ma'am," said I, dryly; for, indeed, Molly, it was hard
+work for me to keep my temper under.
+
+She never, however, gave me much time for anything, for off she went
+once more about her own plans; telling me how little luggage she would
+take, how soon we should meet again, how delighted the Duchess would be
+with me and Mary Anne, and twenty things more of the same sort.
+
+At last we separated, but not till we had embraced each other three
+times over; and, to tell you the truth, I had it in my heart to strangle
+her while she was doing it.
+
+The agitation I went through, and my passion boiling in me, and no vent
+for it, made me so ill that I was taking Hoffman and camphor the whole
+evening after; and I could n't, of course, go down to dinner, but had
+a light veal cutlet with a little sweet sauce, and a roast pigeon with
+mushrooms, in my own room.
+
+K. I. wanted to come in and speak to me, but I refused admission, and
+sent him word that "I hoped I'd be equal to the task of an interview in
+the course of a day or so;" a message that must have made him tremble
+for what was in store for him. I did this on purpose, Molly, for I often
+remarked that there's nothing subdues K. I. so much as to keep something
+hanging over him. As he said once himself, "Life isn't worth having, if
+a man can be called up at any minute for sentence." And that shows you,
+Molly, what I oftentimes mentioned to you, that if you want or expect
+true happiness in the married state, there's only one road to it,
+and that is by studying the temper and the character of your husband,
+learning what is his weakness and which are his defects. When you know
+these well, my dear, the rest is easy; and it's your own fault if you
+don't mould him to your liking.
+
+Whether it was the mushrooms, or a little very weak shrub punch that
+Mary Anne made, disagreed with me, I can't tell, but I had a nightmare
+every time I went to sleep, and always woke up with a screech. That's
+the way I spent the blessed night, and it was only as day began to
+break that I felt a regular drowsiness over me and went off into a good
+comfortable doze. Just then there came a rattling of horses' hoofs,
+and a cracking of whips under the window, and Mary Anne came up to
+say something, but I would n't listen, but covered my head up in the
+bedclothes till she went away.
+
+It was twenty minutes to four when I awoke, and a gloomy day, with a
+thick, soft rain falling, that I knew well would bring on one of my bad
+headaches, and I was just preparing myself for suffering, when Mary Anne
+came to the bedside.
+
+"Is she gone, Mary Anne?" said I.
+
+"Yes," said she; "they went off before six o'clock."
+
+"Thanks be to Providence," said I. "I hope I 'll never see one of them
+again."
+
+"Oh, mamma," said she, "don't say that!"
+
+"And why wouldn't I say it, Mary Anne?" said I. "Would you have me nurse
+a serpent,--harbor a boa-constrictor in my bosom?"
+
+"But, then, papa," said she, sobbing.
+
+"Let him come up," said I. "Let him see the wreck he has made of me. Let
+him come and feast his eyes over the ruin his own cruelty has worked."
+
+"Sure he's gone," said she.
+
+"Gone! Who's gone?"
+
+"Papa. He's gone with Mrs. Gore Hampton!"
+
+With that, Molly, I gave a scream that was heard all over the house.
+And so it was for two hours--screech after screech--tearing my hair
+and destroying everything within reach of me. To think of the old
+wretch--for I know his age right well; Sam Davis was at school with
+him forty-eight years ago, at Dr. Bell's, and that shows he's no
+chicken--behaving this way. I knew the depravity of the man well enough.
+I did n't pass twenty years with him without learning the natural
+wickedness of his disposition, but I never thought he 'd go the length
+of this. Oh, Molly! the shock nearly killed me; and coming as it did
+after the dreadful disappointment about Jones M'Carthy's affairs, I
+don't know at all how I bore up against it. I must tell you that
+James and Mary Anne did n't see it with my eyes. They thought, or they
+pretended to think, that he was only going as far as Ems, to accompany
+her, as they call it, on a visit to the Princess,--just as if there was
+a princess at all, and that the whole story wasn't lies from beginning
+to end.
+
+Lord George, too, took their side, and wanted to get angry at my unjust
+suspicions about Mrs. G., but I just said, what would the world think of
+_me_ if I went away in a chaise and four with _him_ by way of paying a
+visit to somebody that never existed? He tried to laugh it off, Molly,
+and made little of it, but I wouldn't let him, in particular before Mary
+Anne,--for whatever sins they may lay to my charge, I believe that they
+can't pretend that I did n't bring up the girls with sound principles of
+virtue and morality,--and just to convince him of that, I turned to and
+exposed K. I. to James and the two girls till they were well ashamed of
+him.
+
+It's a heartless bad world we live in, Molly! and I never knew its
+badness, I may say, till now. You'll scarce believe me, when I tell
+you that it was n't from my own flesh and blood that I met comfort or
+sympathy, but from that good-for-nothing creature, Betty Cobb. Mary Anne
+and Caroline persisted in saying that K. I.'s journey was all innocence
+and purity,--that he was only gone in a fatherly sort of a way with her;
+but Betty knew the reverse, and I must own that she seemed to know more
+about him than I ever suspected.
+
+"Ah, the ould rogue!--the ould villain!" she 'd mutter to herself, in a
+fashion that showed me the character he had in the servants' hall. If
+I had only a little command of my temper, I might have found out many a
+thing of him, Molly, and of his doings at Dodsborough, but how could I
+at a moment like that?
+
+And that's how I was, Molly, with nothing but enemies about me, in
+the bosom of my own family! One saying, "Don't expose us to the
+world,--don't bring people's eyes on us;" and the other calling out, "We
+'ll be ruined entirely if it gets into the papers!" so that, in fact,
+they wanted to deny me the little bit of sympathy I might have attracted
+towards my destitute and forlorn condition.
+
+Had I been at home, in Dodsborough, I'd have made the country ring with
+his disgrace; but they wouldn't let me utter a word here, and I was
+obliged to sit down, as the poet says, "like a worm in the bud," and
+consume my grief in solitude.
+
+He went away, too, without leaving a shilling behind him, and the bill
+of the hotel not even paid! Nothing sustained me, Molly, but the notion
+of my one day meeting him, and settling these old scores. I even worked
+myself into a half-fever at the thought of the way I 'd overwhelm him.
+Maybe it was well for me that I was obliged to rouse my energies to
+activity, and provide for the future, which I did by drawing two bills
+on Waters for a hundred and fifty each, and, with the help of them,
+we mean to remove from this on Saturday, and proceed to Baden, where,
+according to Lord George, "there 's no such things as evil speaking,
+lying, or slandering;" to use his own words, "It's the most charitable
+society in Europe, and every one can indulge his vices without note or
+comment from his neighbors." And, after all, one must acknowledge the
+great superiority in the good breeding of the Continent in this; for,
+as Lord G. remarks, "If there's anything a man's own, it's his
+private wickedness, and there's no such indelicacy as in canvassing or
+discussing it; and what becomes of a conscience," says he, "if everybody
+reviles and abuses you? Sure, doesn't it lead you to take your own part,
+even when you're in the wrong?"
+
+He has a persuasive way with him, Molly, that often surprises myself how
+far it goes with me, and indeed, even in the midst of my afflictions and
+distresses, he made me laugh with his account of Baden, and the strange
+people that go there. We're to go to the Hotel de Russie, the finest in
+the place, and say that we are expecting some friends to join us; for K.
+I. and madam may arrive at any moment. As I write these lines, the girls
+and Betty are packing up the things, so that long before it reaches you
+we shall be at our destination.
+
+The worst thing in my present situation is that I must n't mutter a
+syllable against K. I., or, if I do, I have them all on my back; and as
+to Betty, her sympathy is far worse than the silence of the others. And
+there 's the way your poor friend is in.
+
+To be robbed--for I know Waters is robbing me--and cheated and deceived
+all at the same time, is too much for my unanimity! Don't let on to the
+neighbors about K. I.; for, as Lord G. says, "these things should
+never be mentioned in the world till they 're talked of in the House of
+Lords;" and I suppose he's right, though I don't see why--but maybe
+it's one of the prerogatives of the peerage to have the first of an ugly
+story.
+
+I have done now, Molly, and I wonder how my strength has carried me
+through it. I 'll write you as soon as I get to Baden, and hope to hear
+from you about the wool. I 'm always reading in the papers about the
+improvement of Ireland, and yet I get less and less out of it; but maybe
+that same is a sign of prosperity; for I remember my poor father was
+never so stingy as when he saved a little money; and indeed my own
+conviction is that much of what we used to call Irish hospitality was
+neither more nor less than downright desperation,--we had so little in
+the world, it wasn't worth hoarding.
+
+You may write to me still as Mrs. Dodd, though maybe it will be the last
+time the name will be borne by your Injured and afflicted friend,
+
+Jemima.
+
+P. S. I 'm sure Paddy Byrne is in K. I.'s secret, for he goes about
+grinning and snickering in the most offensive manner, for which I am
+just going to give him warning. Not, indeed, that I'm serious about
+discharging him, for the journey is terribly expensive, but by way of
+alarming the little blaguard. If Father Maher would only threaten to
+curse them, as he used, we'd have peace and comfort once more.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXII. KENNY DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+
+Eisenach.
+
+My dear Tom,--You will be surprised at the address at the top of this
+letter, but not a whit more so than I am myself; how, when, and why I
+came here, being matters which require some explanation, nor am I quite
+certain of making them very intelligible to you even by that process.
+My only chance of success, however, lies in beginning at the very
+commencement, and so I shall start with my departure from Bonn, which
+took place eight days ago, on the morning of the 22nd.
+
+My last letter informed you of our having formed a travelling alliance
+with a very attractive and charming person, Mrs. Gore Hampton. Lord
+George Tiverton, who introduced us to each other, represented her as
+being a fashionable of the first water, very highly connected, and very
+rich,--facts sufficiently apparent by her manners and appearance, as
+well as by the style in which she was travelling. He omitted, however,
+all mention of her immediate circumstances, so that we were profoundly
+ignorant as to whether she were a widow or had a husband living, and, if
+so, whether separated from him casually or by a permanent arrangement.
+
+It may sound very strange that we should have formed such a close
+alliance while in ignorance of these circumstances, and doubtless in
+our own country the inquiry would have preceded the ratification of
+this compact, but the habits of the Continent, my dear Tom, teach
+very different lessons. All social transactions are carried on upon
+principles of unlimited credit, and you indorse every bill of
+passing acquaintanceship with a most reckless disregard to the day
+of presentation for payment Some would, perhaps, tell you that your
+scruples would only prove false terrors. My own notion, however, is less
+favorable, and my theory is this: you get so accustomed to "raffish"
+intimacies, you lose all taste or desire for discrimination; in fact,
+there's so much false money in circulation, it would be useless to "ring
+a particular rap on the counter."
+
+Not that I have the very most distant notion of applying my theory
+to the case in hand. I adhere to all I said of Mrs. G. in my former
+epistle, and notwithstanding your quizzing about my "raptures," &c.,
+I can only repeat everything I there said about her loveliness and
+fascination.
+
+Perhaps one's heart becomes, like mutton, more tender by being old; but
+this I must say, I never remember to have met that kind of woman when I
+was young. Either I must have been a very inaccurate observer, or, what
+I suspect to be nearer the fact, they were not the peculiar productions
+of that age.
+
+When the Continent was closed to us by war, there was a home stamp
+upon all our manufactures; our chairs and tables, our knives, and our
+candlesticks, were all made after native models, solid and substantial
+enough, but, I believe, neither very artistic nor graceful. We were used
+to them, however; and as we had never seen any other, we thought them
+the very perfection of their kind. The Peace of '15 opened our eyes,
+and we discovered, to our infinite chagrin and astonishment, that, in
+matters of elegance and taste, we were little better than barbarians;
+that shape and symmetry had their claims as well as utility, and that
+the happy combination of these qualities was a test of civilization.
+
+I don't think we saw this all at once, nor, indeed, for a number of
+years, because, somehow, it's in the nature of a people to stand up for
+their shortcomings and deficiencies,--that very spirit being the bone
+and sinew of all patriotism; but I 'll tell you where we felt this
+discrepancy most remarkably,--in our women, Tom; the very point, of all
+others, that we ought never to have experienced it in.
+
+There was a plastic elegance,--a species of soft, seductive way--about
+foreign women that took us wonderfully. They did not wait for our
+advances, but met us half-way in intimacy, and this without any boldness
+or effrontery; quite the reverse, but with a tact and delicacy that were
+perfectly captivating.
+
+I don't doubt but that, for home purposes, we should have found that
+our own answered best, and, like our other manufactures, that they
+would last longer, and be less liable to damage; but, unfortunately, the
+spirit of imitation that stimulated us in hardware and jewelry, set in
+just as violently about our wives and daughters, and a pretty dance
+has it led us! From my heart and soul I wish we had limited the use of
+French polish to our mahogany!
+
+I don't know how I got into this digression, Tom, nor have I the least
+notion where it would conduct me; but I feel that the Mrs. Gore Hamptons
+of this world took their origin in the time and from the spirit I speak
+of, and a more dangerous Invention the age never made.
+
+When you read over your notes, and sum up what I 've been saying, you
+'ll perhaps discover the reason of what you are pleased in your last
+letter to call my "extreme sensibility to the widow's charms." But you
+wrong us both, for _I_'m not in love, nor is _she_ a widow! And this
+brings me back to my narrative.
+
+About ten days ago, as I was sitting in my own room, in the _otium cum
+dig._ of my old dressing-gown and slippers, I received a visit from
+Mrs. G. in a manner which at once proclaimed the strictest secrecy and
+confidence. She came, she said, to consult me, and, as a gentleman, I am
+bound to believe her; but if you want to make use of a man's faculties,
+you 'd certainly never begin by turning his brain. If you wished to send
+him of a message, you 'd surely not set out by spraining his ankle?
+
+They say that the French Cuirassiers puzzled our Horse Guards greatly at
+Waterloo. There was no knowing where to get a stick at them. There 's a
+kind of dress just now the fashion among ladies, that confuses me fully
+as much,--a species of gauzy, filmy, floating costume that makes you
+always feel quite near, and yet keeps you a considerable distance
+off. It's a most bewitching, etherial style of costume, and especially
+invented, I think, for the bewilderment of elderly gentlemen.
+
+More than half of the effect of a royal visit to a man's own house is
+in the contrast presented by an illustrious presence to the little
+commonplace objects of his daily life. Seeing a king in his own sphere,
+surrounded with all the attributes and insignia of his station, is not
+nearly so astounding as to see him sitting in your old leather armchair,
+with his feet upon your fender,--mayhap, stirring your fire with your
+own poker. Just the same kind of thing is the appearance of a pretty
+woman within the little den, sacred to your secret smokings and studies
+of the "Times" newspaper. An angel taking off her wings in the hall,
+and dropping in to take pot-luck with you, could scarcely realize a more
+charming vision!
+
+All this preliminary discourse of mine, Tom, looks as if I were skulking
+the explanation that I promised. I know well what is passing in your
+mind this minute, and I fancy that I hear you mutter, "Why not tell us
+what she came about,--what brought her there?" It's not so easy as
+you think, Tom Purcell. When a very pretty woman, in the most becoming
+imaginable toilette, comes and tells you a long story of personal
+sufferings, and invokes your sympathy against the cruel treatment of
+a barbarous husband and his hard-hearted family; when the narrative
+alternates between traits of shocking tyranny on one side, and angelic
+submission on the other; when you listen to wrongs that make your
+blood boil, recounted by accents that make your heart vibrate; when the
+imploring looks and tones and gesture that failed to excite pity in her
+"monster of a husband" are all rehearsed before you yourself,--to _you_
+directed those tearful glances of melting tenderness,--to _you_ raised
+up those beautiful hands of more than sculptured symmetry,--I say,
+again, that your reason is never consulted on the whole process. Your
+sensibility is aroused, your sympathy is evoked, and all your tenderest
+emotions excited, pretty much as in hearing an Italian opera, where,
+without knowing one word of the language, the tones, the gestures,
+the play of feature, and the signs of passion move and melt you into
+alternate horror at cruelty, and compassionate sorrow for suffering.
+
+Make the place, instead of the stage, your own study, and the personage
+no _prima donna_, but a very charming creature of the real world, and
+the illusion is ten times more complete.
+
+I have no more notion of Mrs. Gore Hampton's history than I should have
+of the plot of a novel from reading a newspaper notice of it. She was
+married at sixteen. She was very beautiful, very rich,--a petted, spoilt
+child. She thought the world a fairy tale, she said. I was going to ask,
+was it "Beauty and the Beast" that was in her mind? At first all was
+happiness and bliss; then came jealousy, not on her part, but his;
+disagreements and disputes followed. They went abroad to visit some
+royal personage,--a duchess, a grand-duchess, an archduchess of
+something, who figures through the whole history in a mysterious and
+wonderful manner, coming in at all times and places, and apparently
+never for any other purpose than wickedness, like Zamiel in the
+"Freyschutz;" but, notwithstanding, she is always called the dear,
+good, kind Princess,--an apparent contradiction that also assists the
+mystification. Then, there are letters from the husband,--reproach and
+condemnation; from the wife,--love, tenderness, and fidelity.
+
+The Duchess happily writes French, so I am spared the pains of following
+_her_ correspondence. Chancery was nothing to the confusion that comes
+of all this letter-writing, but I come out with the one strong fact,
+that the dear Princess stands by Mrs. G. through thick and thin, and
+takes a bold part against the husband. A shipwrecked sailor never clung
+to a hencoop with greater tenacity than did I grasp this one solitary
+fact, floating at large upon the wide ocean of uncertainty.
+
+I assure you I almost began to feel an affection for the Duchess,
+from the mere feeling of relief this thought afforded. She was like a
+sanctuary to my poor, persecuted, hunted-down imagination!
+
+Have you ever, in reading a three-volume novel, Tom, been on the eve
+of abandoning the task from pure inability to trace out the story, when
+suddenly, and as it were by chance, some little trait or incident gives,
+if not a clew to the mystery, at least that small flickering of light
+that acts as a guide-star to speculation?
+
+This was what I experienced here, and I said to myself, "I know the
+sentiments of the Duchess, at least, and that's something."
+
+Do you know that I did n't like proceeding any farther with the story;
+like a tired swimmer, who had reached a rock far out at sea, I did n't
+fancy trusting myself once more to the waves. However, I was not allowed
+the option. Away went the narrative again,--like an express train in a
+dark tunnel. If we now and then did emerge upon a bit of open country
+where we could see about us, it was to dive the next minute into some
+deep cutting, or some gloomy cavern, without light or intelligence.
+
+It appeared to me that Mr. Gore Hampton would be a very proper case for
+private assassination; but I did n't like the notion of doing it myself,
+and I was considerably comforted by finding that the course she had
+decided on, and for which she was now asking my assistance, was more
+pacific in character, and less dangerous. We were to seek out the dear
+Princess; she was to be at Ems on the 24th, and we were at once to throw
+ourselves, figuratively, into her hands, and implore protection.
+The "monster"--the word is shorter than his name, and serves equally
+well--had written innumerable letters to prejudice her against his
+wife, recounting the most infamous calumnies and the most incredible
+accusations. These we were to refute: how I did n't exactly know, but we
+were to do it. With the dear Princess on our side, the monster would be
+quite powerless for further mischief; for, by some mysterious agency, it
+appeared that this wonderful Duchess could restore a damaged reputation,
+just as formerly kings used to cure the evil.
+
+It was a great load off my mind, Tom, to know that nothing more was
+expected of me. She might have wanted me to go to England, where there
+are two writs out against me, or to advance a sum of money for law when
+I have n't a sixpence for living, or maybe to bully somebody that would
+n't be bullied; in fact, I did n't know what impossibilities mightn't
+be passing through her brain, or what difficult tasks she might be
+inventing, as we read of in those stories where people make compacts
+with the devil, and always try to pose him by the terms of the bargain.
+
+In the present instance, I certainly got off easier than I should have
+done with the "Black Gentleman." All that was required of me was to
+accompany a very charming and most agreeable woman on an excursion of
+about two or three days' duration through one of the most picturesque
+parts of the Rhine country, in a comfortable town-built britschka,
+with every appliance of ease and luxury about it. We have an adage
+in Ireland, "There's worse than this in the North," and faith, Tom, I
+couldn't help saying so. Mrs. G.'s motive in asking my companionship was
+to show her dear Duchess that she was domesticated, and living with a
+most respectable family, of which I was the head. You may laugh at the
+notion, Tom, but I was to be brought forward as a model "paterfamilias,"
+who could harbor nothing wrong.
+
+I believe I smiled myself at the character assigned. But "isn't life a
+stage?" and in nothing more so than the fact that no man can choose his
+part, but must just take what the great stage-manager--Fate--assigns
+him; and it is just as cruel to ridicule the failures and shortcomings
+we often witness in public men as to shout, in gallery-fashion, at
+some poor devil actor obliged to play a gentleman with broken boots and
+patched pantaloons.
+
+There were, indeed, two difficulties, neither of them inconsiderable,
+in the matter. One was money. The journey would needs be costly. Posting
+abroad is to the full as expensive as at home. The other was as to
+Mrs. Dodd. How would she take it? I was bound over in the very heaviest
+recognizances to secrecy. Mrs. G. insisted that I alone should be the
+depositary of her secret; and she was wise there, for Mrs. D. would have
+revealed it to Betty Cobb before she slept. What if she should take
+a jealous turn? It was true the Mary Jane affair had made her rather
+ashamed of herself, but time was wearing off the effect. Mrs. Gore
+Hampton was a handsome woman, and there would be a kind of _eclat_ in
+such a rivalry! I knew well, Tom, that if she once mounted this hobby,
+there was nothing could stop her. All her visions of fashionable
+introductions, all the bright charms of high society, to which Mrs. G.'s
+intimacy was to lead, would melt away, like a mirage, before the high
+wind of her angry indignation.
+
+She would have put Mrs. G. in the dock, and arraigned her like any
+common offender. It was not without reason, then, that I dreaded such a
+catastrophe; and in a kind of semi-serious, semi-jocose way, I told Mrs.
+Gore of my misgivings.
+
+She took it beautifully, Tom. She did n't laugh as if the thing was
+ridiculous, and as if the idea of Kenny Dodd performing "Amoroso" was a
+glaring absurdity. "Not at all," she gravely said; "I have been thinking
+over that, and, as you remark, it _is_ a difficulty." Shall I own to
+you, Tom, that the confession sent a strange thrill through me; and
+like a man selected to lead a forlorn hope, I still felt that the choice
+redounded to my credit?
+
+"I think, however," said she, after a pause, "if you confided the matter
+to _my_ management, if you leave _me_ to explain to Mrs. Dodd, I shall
+be able, without revealing more than I wish, to satisfy her as to the
+object of our journey."
+
+I heartily assented to an arrangement so agreeable; I even promised not
+to see Mrs. D. before we started, lest any unfortunate combination of
+circumstances might interfere with our project.
+
+The pecuniary embarrassment I communicated to Lord George. He quite
+agreed with me that I could n't possibly allude to it to Mrs. G. "In all
+likelihood," said he, "she will just hand you a book of blank checks, or
+Herries's circulars, and say, 'Pray do me the favor to take the trouble
+off my hands.' It is what she usually does with any of her friends with
+whom she is sufficiently intimate; for, as I told you, she is a 'perfect
+child about money.'" I might have told him that, so far as having very
+little of it, so was I too.
+
+"But supposing," said I, "that, in the bustle of departure, and in the
+preoccupation of other thoughts, she should n't remember to do this;
+such is likely enough, you know?"
+
+"Oh, nothing more so," said he, laughing. "She is the most absent
+creature in the world."
+
+"In that case," said I, "one ought to be, in a measure, prepared."
+
+"To a certain extent, assuredly," said he, coolly. "You might as well
+take something with you,--a hundred pounds or so."
+
+You can imagine the choking gulp in my throat as I heard these words.
+Why, I had n't twenty--no, not ten; I doubt, greatly, if I had fully
+five pounds in my possession. I was living in the daily hope of that
+remittance from you, which, by the way, seems always tardier in coming
+in proportion as Ireland grows more prosperous.
+
+Tiverton, however, does not limit his services to good counsel; he can
+act as well as think. For a bill of three thousand francs, at thirty-one
+days, I received, from the landlord of the hotel, something short of a
+hundred Napoleons,--a trifle under six hundred per cent per annum, but,
+of course, not meant to run for that time. Lord George said, "Everything
+considered, it was reasonable enough;" and if that implied that I 'd
+never repay a farthing of it, perhaps he was correct. "I 'm sorry,"
+said he, "that the 'bit of stiff,'" meaning the bill, "was n't for five
+thousand francs, for I want a trifle of cash myself, at this moment." In
+this regret I did not share, Tom, for I clearly saw that the additional
+eighty pounds would have been out of _my_ pocket!
+
+I have now, as briefly as I am able, but, perhaps, tediously enough,
+told you of all the preliminary arrangements of our journey, save one,
+which was three lines that I left for Mrs. D. before starting,--not very
+explanatory, perhaps, but written in "great haste."
+
+It was a splendid morning when we started. The sun was just topping the
+Drachenfels, and sending a perfect flood of golden glory over the Rhine,
+and that rich tract of yellow corn country along its left bank, the
+right being still in deep shadow. From the Kreutzberg to the Seven
+Mountains it was one gorgeous panorama, with mountain and crag, and
+ruined castles, vine-clad cliffs, and plains of waving wheat, all seen
+in the calm splendor of a still summer's morning.
+
+I never saw anything as beautiful; perhaps I never shall again. Of my
+rapturous enjoyment of the scene, as we whirled along with four posters
+at a gallop, the best criterion I can give you is that I totally
+forgot everything but the enchanting vision around me. Ireland, home,
+Dodsborough, petty sessions, police and poor-rates, county cess,
+Chancery, all my difficulties, down even to Mrs. D. herself, faded away,
+and left me in undisturbed and unbounded enjoyment.
+
+I have often had to tell you of my disappointment with the Continent;
+how little it responded to my previous expectations, and how short
+came every trait of nationality of that striking effect I had once
+foreshadowed. The distinctive features of race, from which I had
+anticipated so much amusement, all the peculiarities of dress, custom,
+and manner which I had speculated on as sources of interest, had either
+no existence whatever, or demanded a far shrewder and nicer observation
+than mine to detect. These have I more than once complained of to you in
+my letters; and I was fast lapsing into the deep conviction that, except
+in being the rear-guard of civilization, and adhering to habits which
+have long since been superseded by improved and better modes with us,
+the Continent differs wonderfully little from England.
+
+The reason of this impression was manifestly because I was always in
+intercourse with foreigners who live and trade upon English travellers,
+who make a livelihood of ministering to John Bull's national leanings
+in dress, cookery, and furniture; and who, so to say, get up a kind of
+artificial England abroad, where the Englishman is painfully reminded of
+all the comforts he has left behind him, without one single opportunity
+for remembering the compensations he is receiving in return. To this
+cause is attributable, mainly, the vulgar impression conveyed by a first
+glance at the Continent It is a bad travesty of a homely original.
+
+[Illustration: 304]
+
+What a sudden change came over me now, as we swept along through this
+enchanting country, where every sight and every sound were novel
+and interesting! The little villages, almost escarped from the tall
+precipice that skirted the river, were often of Roman origin; old towers
+of brick, and battlemented walls, displaying the S. P. Q. R.,--those
+wonderful letters which, from school days to old age, call up such
+conceptions of this mighty people. A great wagon would draw aside to let
+us pass; and its giant oxen, with their massive beams of timber on their
+necks, remind one of the old pictures in some illustrated edition of the
+"Georgics." The splash of oars, and the loud shouts of men, turn your
+eyes to the Rhine, and it is a raft, whole acres of timber, slowly
+floating along, the evidence of some primeval pine forest hundreds
+of miles away, where the night winds used to sigh in the days of the
+Caesars. And now every head is bare, and every knee is bowed, for a
+procession moves past, on its way to some holy shrine, the zigzag path
+to which, up the mountain, is traceable by the white line of peasant
+girls, whose voices are floating down in mellow chorus. Oh, Tom!
+the whole scene was full of enchantment, and didn't require the
+consciousness that would haunt me to make it a vision of perfect
+enjoyment. You ask what was that same consciousness I allude to? Neither
+more nor less, my dear friend, than the little whisper within me, that
+said, "Kenny Dodd, where are you going, and for what? Is it Mrs. D.
+is sitting beside you? or are you quite sure it's not some other man's
+wife?"
+
+You 'll say, perhaps, these were rather disturbing reflections, and so
+they would have been had they ever got that far; but as mere flitting
+fancies, as passing shadows over the mind, they heightened the enjoyment
+of the moment by some strange and mysterious agency, which I am quite
+unable to explain, but which, I believe, is referable to the same
+category as the French Duchess's regret "that iced water was n't a sin,
+or it would be the greatest delight of existence."
+
+If my conscience had been unmannerly enough to say, "Ain't you doing
+wrong, Kenny Dodd?" I 'm afraid I 'd have said "Yes," with a chuckle of
+satisfaction. I'm afraid, my dear Tom, that the human heart, at least in
+the Irish version, is a very incomprehensible volume.
+
+Let us strive to be good as much as we may, there is a secret sense of
+pleasure in doing wrong that shows what a hold wickedness has of us.
+I believe we flatter ourselves that we are cheating the devil all the
+while, because we intend to do right at last; but the danger is that the
+game comes to an end before we suspect, and there we are, "cleaned out,"
+and our hand full of trumps.
+
+You'll say, "What has all this to say to the Rhine, or Mrs. Gore
+Hampton?" Nothing whatever. It only shows that, like the Reflections on
+a Broomstick, your point of departure bears no relation to the goal of
+your voyage.
+
+"What's the name of this village, Mr. Dodd?" whispers a soft voice from
+the deep recesses of the britschka.
+
+"This is Andernach, Madam," said I, opening my "John," for I find
+there's no doing without him. "It is one of the most ancient cities of
+the Rhine. It was called by the Romans--"
+
+"Never mind what it was called by the Romans; isn't there a legend about
+this ancient castle? To be sure there is; pray find it."
+
+And I go on mumbling about Drusus, and Roman camps, and vaulted portals.
+
+"Oh, it's not that," cries she, laughing.
+
+"There are two articles of traffic peculiar to this spot Millstones--"
+She puts her hand on my lips here, and I am unable to continue my
+reading, while she goes on: "I remember the legend now. It was a certain
+Siegfried, the Count Palatine of the Rhine, who, on his return from the
+Crusades, was persuaded by slanderous tongues to believe his wife had
+been faithless to him."
+
+"The wretch!--the Count, I mean."
+
+"So he was. He drove her out a wanderer upon the wide world, and she
+fled across the Rhine into that mountain country you see yonder, which
+then, as now, was all impenetrable forest There she passed years and
+years of solitary existence, unknown and friendless. There were no Mr.
+Dodds in those days, or, at least, she had not the good fortune to meet
+with them."
+
+I sigh deeply under the influence of such a glance, Tom, and she
+resumes,--
+
+"At last, one day, when fatigued with the chase, and separated from
+his companions, the cruel Count throws himself down to rest beside a
+fountain; a lovely creature, attired gracefully but strangely in the
+skins of wild beasts--"
+
+"She did n't kill them herself?" said I, interrupting.
+
+"How absurd you are! Of course she did n't;" and she draws her own
+ermine mantle across her as she speaks, smoothing the soft fur with
+her softer hand. "The Count starts to his feet, and recognizes her in
+a moment, and at the same instant, too, he is so struck by the manifest
+protection Providence has vouchsafed her, that he listens to her tale of
+justification, and conducts her in triumph home,--his injured but
+adored wife. I think, really, people were better formerly than they
+are now,--more forgiving, or rather, I mean, more open to truth and its
+generous impulses."
+
+"Faith, I can't say," replied I, pondering; "the skins may have had
+something to say to it." Here she bursts into such a fit of laughter
+that I join from sheer sympathy with the sound, but not guessing in the
+least why or at what.
+
+We soon left Andernach behind us, and rolled along beside the rapid
+Rhine, on a beautiful road almost level with the river, which now for
+some miles becomes less bold and picturesque.
+
+At last we arrived at Coblentz to dinner, stopping at a capital inn
+called the "Giant," after which we strolled through the town to stare
+at the shops and the quaintly dressed peasant girls, whose embroidered
+head-gear, a kind of velvet cap worked in gold or silver, so pleased
+Mrs. G. that we bought three or four of them, as well as several of
+those curiously wrought silver daggers which they wear stuck through
+their black hair.
+
+I soon discovered that my fair friend was a "child" about other things
+besides "money." Jewelry was one of these, and for which she seemed
+to have the most insatiable desire, combined with a most juvenile
+indifference as to cost. The country girls wear massive gold earrings of
+the strangest fashion, and nothing would content her but buying several
+sets of these. Then she took a fancy to their gold chains and rosaries,
+and, lastly, to their uncouth shoe-buckles, all of which she assured me
+would be priceless in a fancy dress.
+
+In fact, my dear Tom, these minor preparations of hers, to resemble a
+Rhine-land peasant, came to a little over seventeen pounds sterling, and
+suggested to me, more than once, the secret wish that our excursion had
+been through Ireland, where the habits of the natives could have been
+counterfeited at considerably less cost.
+
+As "we were in for it," however, I bore myself as gallantly as might be,
+and pressed several trifling articles on her acceptance, but she tossed
+them over contemptuously, and merely said, "Oh, we shall find all
+these things so much better at Ems. They have such a bazaar there!" an
+announcement that gave me a cold shudder from head to foot. After taking
+our coffee, we resumed our journey, Ems being only distant some eleven
+or twelve miles, and, I must say, a drive of unequalled beauty.
+
+Once more on the road, Mrs. G. became more charming and delightful than
+ever. The romantic glen, through which we journeyed, suggested much
+material for conversation, and she was legendary and lyrical, plaintive
+and merry by turns, now recounting some story of tragic history, now
+remembering some little incident of modern fashionable life, but all, no
+matter what the theme, touched with a grace and delicacy quite her
+own. In a little silence that followed one of these charming sallies, I
+noticed that she smiled as if at something passing in her own thoughts.
+
+"Shall I tell you what I was thinking of?" said she, smiling.
+
+"By all means," said I; "it is a pleasant thought, so pray let me share
+in it."
+
+"I'm not quite so certain of that," said she. "It is rather puzzling
+than pleasant. It is simply this: 'Here we are now within a mile of Ems.
+It is one of the most gossiping places in Europe. How shall we announce
+ourselves in the Strangers' List?"
+
+The difficulty had never occurred to me before, Tom; nor indeed, did I
+very clearly appreciate it even now. I thought that the name of Kenny
+Dodd would have sufficed for me, and I saw no reason why Mrs. Gore
+Hampton should not have been satisfied with her own appellation.
+
+"I knew," said she, laughing, "that you never gave this a thought. Isn't
+that so?" I had to confess that she was quite correct, and she went on:
+"Adolphus "--this was the familiar for Mr. Gore Hampton--"is so well
+known that you could n't possibly pass for him; besides, he is very
+tall, and wears large moustaches,--the largest, I think, in the Blues."
+
+"That's clean out of the question, then," said I, stroking my smooth
+chin in utter despair.
+
+"You 're very like Lord Harvey Bruce, could n't you be _him?_"
+
+"I'm afraid not; my passport calls me Kenny James Dodd."
+
+"But Lord Harvey is a kind of relative of mine; his mother was a Gore; I
+'m sure you could be him."
+
+I shook my head despondently; but somehow, whenever a sudden fancy
+strikes her, the impulse to yield to it seems perfectly irresistible.
+
+"It's an excellent idea," continued she, "and all you have to do is to
+write the name boldly in the Travellers' Book, and say your passport is
+coming with one of your people."
+
+"But he might be here?"
+
+"Oh, he's not here; he could n't be here! I should have heard of it if
+he were here."
+
+"There may be several who may know him personally here."
+
+"There need be no difficulty about that," replied she; "you have only
+to feign illness, and keep your room. I 'll take every precaution to
+sustain the deception. You shall have everything in the way of comfort,
+but no visitors,--not one.".
+
+I was thunderstruck, Tom! the notion of coming away from home, leaving
+my family, and braving Mrs. D., all that I might go to bed at Ems, and
+partake of low diet under a fictitious title, actually overwhelmed me.
+I thought to myself, "This is a hazardous exploit of mine; it may be a
+costly one too: at the rate we are travelling, money flies like chaff,
+but at least I shall have something for it. I shall see fashionable
+life under the most favorable auspices. I shall dine in public with my
+beautiful travelling-companion. I shall accompany her to the Cursaal,
+to the Promenade, to the play-tables. I shall eat ice with her under the
+'Lindens,' in the 'Allee.' I shall be envied and hated by all the puppy
+population of the Baths, and feel myself glorious, conquering, and
+triumphant." These, and similar, had been my sustaining reflections,
+under all the adverse pressure of home thoughts. These had been my
+compensation for the terrors that assuredly loomed in the distance.
+But now, instead of the realization, I was to seek my consolation in a
+darkened room, with old newspapers and water gruel!
+
+Anger and indignation rendered me almost speechless. "Was it for this?"
+I exclaimed twice or thrice, without being able to finish my sentence;
+and she gently drew her hand within my arm, and, in the tenderest of
+accents, stopped me, and said, "No; not for this!"
+
+Ah, Tom! you know what we used to hear in the "Beggar's Opera," long
+ago. "'Tis women that seduces all mankind." I suppose it's true. I
+suppose that if nature has made us physically strong, she has made us
+morally weak.
+
+I wanted to be resolute; injured and indignant, I did my best to feel
+outraged, but it wouldn't do. The touch of three taper fingers of an
+ungloved hand, the silvery sounds of a soft voice, and the tenderly
+reproachful glance of a pair of dark blue eyes routed all my resolves,
+and I was half ashamed of myself for needing even such gentle reproof.
+
+From that moment I was her slave; she might have sent me to a
+plantation, or sold me in a market-place, resistance, on my part, was
+out of the question; and is n't this a pretty confession for the father
+of a family, and the husband of Mrs. D.? Not but, if I had time, I could
+explain the problem, in a non-natural sense, as the fashionable phrase
+has it, or even go farther, and justify my divided allegiance, like
+one of our own bishops, showing the difference between submission
+to constituted authority, and fidelity to matters of faith,--Mrs. D.
+standing to represent Queen Victoria, and Mrs. Gore Hampton Pope Pius
+the Ninth!
+
+These thoughts didn't occur to me at once, Tom; they were the fruit of
+many a long hour of self-examination and reflection as I lay alone in my
+silent chamber, thinking over all the singular things that have occurred
+to me in life, the strange situations I have occupied, and of this, I
+own, the very strangest of all.
+
+It must be a dreadful thing to be really sick in one of these places.
+There seems to be no such thing as night, at least as a season of
+repose. The same clatter of plates, knives, and glasses goes on; the
+same ringing of bells, and scuffling sounds of running feet; waltzes
+and polkas; wagons and mule-carts; donkeys and hurdy-gurdies; whistling
+waiters and small puppies, with a weak falsetto, infest the air, and
+make up a din that would addle the spirit of Pandemonium.
+
+Hour after hour had I to lie listening to these, taking out my wrath
+in curses upon Strauss and late suppers, and anathematizing the whole
+family of opera writers, who have unquestionably originated the bleating
+performances of every late bed-goer. Not a wretch toiled upstairs, at
+four in the morning, without yelling out "Casta Diva," or "Gib, mir
+wein." The half-tipsy ones were usually sentimental, and hiccuped the
+"Tu che al cielo," out of the "Lucia."
+
+To these succeeded the late sitters at the play-tables,--a race who,
+to their honor be it recorded, never sing. Gambling is a grave
+passion, and, whether a man win or lose, it takes all fun out of him. A
+deep-muttered malediction upon bad luck, a false oath to play no more, a
+hearty curse against Fortune were the only soliloquies of these the last
+votaries of Pleasure that now sought their beds as day was breaking.
+
+Have you ever stopped your ears, Tom, and looked at a room full of
+people dancing? The effect is very curious. What was so graceful but
+a moment back is now only grotesque. The plastic elegance of gesture
+becomes downright absurdity. She who tripped with such fairy-like
+lightness, or that other who floated with swan-like dignity, now seems
+to move without purpose, and, stranger still, without grace. It was
+the measure which gave the soul to the performance,--it was that mystic
+accord, like what binds mind to matter, that gave the wondrous charm
+to the whole; divested of this it was like motion without
+vitality,--abrupt, mechanical, convulsive. Exactly the same kind of
+effect is produced by witnessing fashionable amusements, with a spirit
+untuned to pleasure. You know nothing of their motives, nor incentives
+to enjoyment; you are not admitted to any participation in their plan or
+their object, and to your eyes it is all "dancing without music."
+
+I need not dwell on a tiresome theme, for such would be any description
+of my life at Ems. Of my lovely companion I saw but little. About
+midday her maid would bring me a few lines, written in pencil, with kind
+inquiries after me. Later on I could detect the silvery music of her
+voice, as she issued forth to her afternoon drive. Later again I could
+hear her, as she passed along the corridor to her room; and then,
+as night wore on, she would sometimes come to my door to say a few
+words,--very kind ones, and in her own softest manner, but of which I
+could recall nothing, so occupied was I with observing her in all the
+splendor of evening dress.
+
+When a bright object of this kind passes from your presence, there still
+lingers for a second or so a species of twilight, after which comes
+the black and starless night of deep despondency. Out of these dreamy
+delusive fits of low spirits I used to start with the sudden question,
+"What are you doing here, Kenny Dodd? Is it the father of a family ought
+to be living in this fashion? What tomfoolery is this? Is this kind of
+life instructive, intellectual, or even amusing? Is it respectable? I
+am not certain it is any one of the four. How long is it to continue, or
+where is it to end? Am I to go down to the grave under a false name, and
+are the Dodd family to put on mourning for Lord Harvey Bruce?"
+
+One night that these thoughts had carried me to a high pitch of
+excitement, I was walking hurriedly to and fro in my room inveighing
+against the absurd folly which originally had embarked me on this
+journey. Anger had so far mastered my reason that I began to doubt
+everything and everybody. I grew sceptical that there were such people
+in the world as Mr. Gore Hampton or Lord Harvey Bruce, and in my heart
+I utterly rejected the existence of the "Princess." Up to this moment
+I had contented myself with hating her, as the first cause of all my
+calamities, but now I denied her a reality and a being. I did n't
+at first perceive what would come of my thus disturbing a great
+foundation-stone, and how inevitably the whole edifice would come
+tumbling down about my ears in consequence.
+
+This terrible truth, however, now stared me in the face, and I sat down
+to consider it with a trembling spirit.
+
+"May I come in?" whispered a low but well-known voice,--"may I come in?"
+
+[Illustration: 314]
+
+My first thoughts were to affect sleep and not answer, but I saw that
+there was an eagerness in the manner that would not brook denial, and
+answered, "Who 's there?"
+
+"It is I, my dear friend," said Mrs. Gore Hampton, entering, and
+closing the door behind her. She came forward to where I was sitting
+despondingly on the side of the bed, and took a chair in front of me.
+
+"What's the matter; you are surely not ill in reality?" asked she,
+tenderly.
+
+"I believe I am," replied I. "They say in Ireland 'mocking is catching,'
+and, faith, I half suspect I 'm going to pay the price of my own
+deceitfulness."
+
+"Oh, no, no! you only say that to alarm me. You will be perfectly well
+when you leave this; the confinement disagrees with you."
+
+"I think it does," said I; "but when are we to go?"
+
+"Immediately; to-night, if possible. I have just received a few lines
+from the dear Princess--"
+
+"Oh, the Princess!" ejaculated I, with a faint groan.
+
+"Why, what do you mean?" asked she, eagerly.
+
+"Oh, nothing; go on."
+
+"But, first tell me, what made you sigh so when I spoke of the
+Princess?"
+
+"God knows," said I; "I believe my head was wandering."
+
+"Poor, dear head!" said she, patting me as if I was a small King
+Charles's spaniel, "it will be better in the fresh air. The Princess
+writes to say that we must meet her at Eisenach, since she finds herself
+too ill to come on here. She urges us to lose no time about it, because
+the Empress Sophia will be on a visit with her in a few days, which of
+course would interfere with our seeing her frequently. The letter should
+have been here yesterday, but she gave it to the Archduke Nicholas, and
+he only remembered it when he was walking with me this evening."
+
+These high and mighty names only made me sigh heartily, and she seemed
+at once to read all that was passing within me.
+
+"I see what it is," said she, with deep emotion; "you are growing weary
+of me. You are beginning to regret the noble chivalry, the generous
+devotion you had shown me. You are asking yourself, 'What am I to her?
+Why should she cling to me?' Cruel question--of a still more cruel
+answer! But go, sir, return to your family, and leave me if you will to
+those heartless courtiers who mete out their sympathies by a sovereign's
+smiles, and only bestow their pity when royalty commands it; and yet,
+before we part forever, let me here, on my bended knees, thank and
+bless--" I can't do it, Tom; I can't write it. I find I am blubbering
+away just as badly as when the scene occurred. Blue eyes half swimming
+in tears, silky-brown ringlets, and a voice broken by sobs, are
+shamefully unfair odds against an Irish gentleman on the shady side of
+fifty-two or three.
+
+It 's all very well for you--sitting quietly at your turf fire--with an
+old sleepy spaniel snoring on the hearth-rug, and nothing younger in the
+house than Mrs. Shea, your late wife's aunt--to talk about "My time of
+life"--"Grownup daughters"--and so on. "He scoffs at wounds who never
+felt a scar." The fact is, I 'm not a bit more susceptible than other
+people; I even think I am less yielding--less open to soft influences
+than many of my acquaintances. I can answer for it, I never found
+that the strongest persuasions of a tax-gatherer disposed me to
+look favorably on "county cess, or a rate-in-aid." Even the priest
+acknowledges me a tough subject on the score of Easter dues and
+offerings. If I know anything about my own nature, it is that I have
+rather a casuistic, hair-splitting kind of way with me,--the very
+reverse of your soft, submissive, easily seduced fellows. I was always
+known as the obstinate juryman at our assizes, that preferred starvation
+and a cart to a glib verdict like the others. I am not sure that anybody
+ever found it an easy task to convince me about anything,
+except, perhaps, Mrs. D., and then, Tom, it was not precisely
+"conviction,"--_that_ was something else.
+
+I think I have now made out a sufficient defence of myself, and I'll not
+make the lawyer's blunder of proving too much. Give me the same latitude
+that is always conceded to great men when their actions will not square
+with their previous sentiments. Think of the Duke and Sir Robert, and be
+merciful to Kenny Dodd.
+
+We left Ems, like a thief, in the night; the robbery, however, was
+performed by the landlord, whose bill for five days amounted to upwards
+of twenty-seven pounds sterling. Whether Gregoire and Mademoiselle
+Virginie drank all the champagne set down in it I cannot say; but if
+so, they could never have been sober since their arrival. There are some
+other curious items, too, such as maraschino and eau de Dantzic, and a
+large assessment for "real Havannahs"! Who sipped and smoked the above
+is more than I know.
+
+With regard to out-of-door amusements, Mrs. G. must have ridden, at
+the least, four donkeys daily, not to speak of carriages, and a sort of
+sedan-chair for the evening.
+
+I assure you I left the place with a heart even lighter than my purse.
+I was failing into a very alarming kind of melancholy, and couldn't much
+longer have answered for my actions.
+
+If we loitered inactively at Ems, we certainly suffered no grass to
+grow under our feet now. Four horses on the level, six when the road was
+heavy or newly gravelled; bulls at all the hills.
+
+It's the truth I 'm telling you, Tom, for a light London britschka, the
+usual team on a rising ground was six horses and three oxen, with
+about two men per quadruped,--boys and beggars _ad libitum_, I laughed
+heartily at it, till it came to paying for them, after which it became
+one of the worst jokes you can imagine. Onward we went, however, in one
+fashion or another, walking to "blow the cattle" when the road was level
+and smooth, and keeping a very pretty hunting-pace when the ruts were
+deep, and the rocks rugged.
+
+It seemed, to judge from our speed, that our haste was most imminent,
+for we changed horses at every station with an attempt at despatch that
+greatly disconcerted the post functionaries, and probably suggested to
+them grievous doubts about our respectability. After twenty-four hours
+of this jolting process, I was, as you may suppose, well wearied,--the
+more so, since my late confinement to bed had made me weak and
+irritable. Mrs. G., however, seemed to think nothing of it, so that for
+very shame' sake I could not complain. There is either a greater fund of
+endurance about women than in men, or else they have a stronger and more
+impulsive will, overcoming all obstacles in its way, or regarding them
+as nothing. I assure you, Tom, I'd have pulled up short at any of the
+villages we passed through and booked myself for a ten-hours' sleep, in
+that horizontal position that nature intended, but she wouldn't hear of
+it. "We must get on, dear Mr. Dodd;" "_You_ know how important time is
+to us;" "Do our best, and we shall be late enough." These and such like
+were the propositions which I had to assent to, without the very vaguest
+conception why.
+
+That night seemed to me as if it would never end. I never could close my
+eyes without dreaming of bailiffs, writs, judges' warrants, and Mrs. D.
+Then I got the notion into my head that I had been sentenced for some
+crime or other to everlasting travelling,--an impression, doubtless,
+suggested by my hearing through my sleep how we were constantly crossing
+some frontier, and entering a new territory. Now it was Hesse Cassel
+would pry into our portmanteaus; now it was Bavaria wanted to peep at
+our passports. Sigmaringen insisted on seeing that we had no concealed
+fire-arms. Hoch Heckingen searched us for smuggled tobacco. From a deep
+doze, which to my ineffable shame I discovered I had been taking on my
+fair companion's shoulder, I was suddenly awakened at daybreak by the
+roll of a drum, and the clatter of presenting arms. This was a place
+called Heinfeld, in the Duchy of Saxe-Weimar, where the commandant,
+supposing us to be royal personages, from our six horses and mounted
+courier, turned out the guard to salute us. I gave him briefly to
+understand that we were _incog._, and we passed on without further
+molestation.
+
+By noon we reached Eisenach, where, descending at the "Rautenkranz," the
+head inn, I bolted my door, and, throwing myself on my bed, slept far
+into the night. When I awoke, the house was all at rest, every one had
+retired, and in this solitude did I begin the recital of the singular
+page in my history which is now before you. I felt like one of those
+storm-tossed mariners who, on some unknown and distant ocean, commit
+their sorrows to paper, and then enclosing it in a bottle, leave the
+address to Fortune. I know not if these lines are ever to reach you.
+I know not who may read them. Perhaps, like Perouse, my fate may be a
+mystery for future ages. I feel altogether very low about myself.
+
+I was obliged to break off suddenly above, but I am now better. We have
+been two days here, and I like the place greatly. It lies in the midst
+of a fine mountain range--the Thuringians--with a deep forest on every
+side. Up to this we have had no tidings of the Princess, but we pass
+our time agreeably enough in visiting the remarkable objects in the
+neighborhood, one of which is the Wartburg, where Luther passed a year
+of imprisonment.
+
+I have collected some curious materials about the life of this
+Protestant champion for Father Maher, which will make a considerable
+sensation at home. There is an armory, too, in the castle of the most
+interesting kind; but, as usual, all the remarkable warriors were little
+fellows. The robbers of antiquity were big, but the great characters
+of chivalry, I remark, were small. The Constable dc Bourbon's armor
+wouldn't fit Kenny Dodd.
+
+I intend to send off this package to-day, by a "gentleman of the Jewish
+persuasion," so he styles himself, who is travelling "in the interest of
+soft soap," and will be in England within a fortnight. Where I shall be
+myself, by that time, Tom, Heaven alone can tell!
+
+My cash is running very low. I don't think that, above my lawful debts
+in this place, I could muster twelve pounds, and, after a careful
+exploration of the locality, I see no spot at all likely to "advance
+money on good personal security." You must immediately remit me a
+hundred, or a hundred and fifty, for present emergencies. My humiliation
+will be terrible if I have to speak about pecuniary matters in a certain
+quarter; and, as I said before, how long we may remain here, or where
+proceed when we leave this, I know as much as you do!
+
+I have begun four letters to Mrs. D., but have not satisfied myself that
+I am on the right tack in any of them. Writing home when you have not
+heard from it, is like legislation for a distant colony without any clew
+to the state of public opinion. You may be trying rigorous measures with
+a people ripe for rebellion, or perhaps refusing some concession that
+they have just wrested by force. When I think of domestic matters, I am
+strongly reminded of the Caffre war, for somehow affairs never look so
+badly as when they seem to promise a peace; and, like Sandilla, Mrs. D.
+is great at an ambush.
+
+You must write to her, Tom; say that I am greatly distressed at not
+getting any answers to my letters; that I wrote four,--which is true,
+though I never sent off any of them. Make a plausible case for my
+absence out of the present materials, and speak alarmingly about my
+health, for she knows I have sold my policy of insurance at the Phoenix,
+and is really uneasy when I look ill.
+
+If I was n't in such a mess, I should be distressed about the family,
+for I left them at Bonn with a mere trifle. When a man has got an
+incurable malady, he spends little money on doctoring, and so there is
+nothing saves fretting so much as being irretrievably ruined. Besides,
+it is in the world as in the water, it is struggling that drowns you;
+lie quietly down on your back, don't stir hand or limb, and somebody
+will be sure to pull you out, though it may chance to be by the hair.
+
+I have often thought, Tom, that life is like the game of chess. It's a
+fine thing to have the "move," if you play well, but if you don't, take
+my word for it, it's better to stay quiet, and not budge. This will give
+you the key to my system; and if I ever get into public life, this, I
+assure you, shall be "Dodd's Parliamentary Guide."
+
+I have now done, and you 'll say it's time too; but let me tell you,
+Tom, that when I seal and send off this, I 'll feel myself very lonely
+and miserable. It was a comfort to me some days back to go every now and
+then and dot down a line or two-, it kept me from thinking, which was a
+great blessing. You know how Gibbon felt when he wrote the last sentence
+of his great history; and although the Rise and Fall of Kenny Dodd be a
+small matter to posterity, it has a great hold upon his own affections.
+
+I see my pony at the door, and Mrs. G. is already mounted. We are going
+to some old abbey in the forest, where she is to sketch, and I am to
+smoke for an hour or two; so good-bye, and remember that my escape from
+this must depend upon your assistance. This Princess has not yet
+made her appearance, nor have I the slightest guide as to her future
+intentions.
+
+There are a quantity of home questions I am anxious to speak about,
+but must defer the discussion till my next. I have not seen a newspaper
+since I started on this excursion. I know not who is "in" or "out." I
+shall learn all these things later on; so, once more, good-bye. Address
+me at the "Rue Garland," and believe me, faithfully, your friend,
+
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+
+P. S. When you mention to the neighbors having heard from me, it would
+be as well to say nothing of this little adventure of mine. Say that the
+Dodds are all well, and enjoying themselves, or something like that. If
+Mrs. D. has written to old Molly, try and get hold of the epistle, or
+otherwise I might as well be in the "Hue and Cry." Indeed, I don't see
+why you could n't stop her letters at the post-office in Bruff.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXIII. MRS. DODD TO MISTRESS MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH.
+
+Cour de Bade, Baden-Baden.
+
+My dear Molly,--It will be five weeks on Tuesday next since we saw K.
+I., and except a bit of a note, of which I 'll speak presently, never
+any tidings of him has reached us! I suppose, within the memory of
+man, wickedness equal to this has not been heard of. To go and disgrace
+himself, and, what's more, disgrace _us_, at his time of life, with two
+daughters grown up, and a son just going into the world, is a depth of
+baseness to which the mind cannot ascend.
+
+They 're away in Germany, my dear,--the happy pair! I wish I was near
+him. I 'd only ask to be for five minutes within reach of him. Faith, I
+don't think he 'd be so seductive and captivating for a little time to
+come. They 're off, I hear, to what they call the "Hearts Forest,"--a
+place, I take from the name, to be the favorite resort of loving
+couples. From the first day, Molly, I suspected what was coming; for,
+though James and Mary Anne persisted in saying that he was only gone
+for a day or two, I went to his drawers and saw that he had taken every
+stitch of his clothes that was good for anything away with him.
+
+"If he 's only gone for two days," says I, "what does he want with
+fourteen shirts and four embroidered fronts for dress, not to speak of
+his new black suit and his undress Deputy-Lieutenant's coat?" I tossed
+and tumbled over everything, and sure enough there was little left to
+look at. So you see, Molly, it was all planned before, and the whole was
+arranged with a cold-blooded duplicity that makes me boil to think over.
+This wasn't all, either; but he must go and draw a bill on the landlord
+for a hundred and twenty pounds; and, without the slightest attention to
+all that we owed in the hotel, or even leaving us a sixpence, away goes
+my gallant Lutherian, only thinking of love and pleasure!
+
+The half of the McCarthy legacy is gone already to meet these demands
+and enable us to come on here; and even with that I could n't have done
+it if it had n't been for Lord George's kindness, for he knows so much
+about bills, and bankers, and when the exchange is good, and what is
+the favorable moment to draw upon London, that, as he says himself, one
+learns at last to "make a pound go as far as five."
+
+As to staying any longer at Bonn, it was out of the question. The whole
+town was talking of K. I., and everybody used to stop us and ask, with a
+mournful voice, if we had n't got any tidings of Mr. Dodd?
+
+And now we're here, I must say it is a charming place; and for real
+life and enjoyment, there 's probably not its equal in Europe. And then,
+Molly, the great feature is certainly the universal kindness and charity
+that prevails. You may do what you like, wear what you like, go where
+you like. I was a little bit afraid at first that the story of K. I.
+would get abroad and damage us in society; but Lord George said:
+"You mistake Baden, my dear Mrs. Dodd. If there 's anything they 're
+peculiarly lenient to, it's just _that_. There's no cant, no hypocrisy
+here; nobody would endure such for an hour. Everybody knows that the
+world is not peopled with angels, and England is the only country where
+they affect that delusion. Here all are natural, sincere, and candid."
+These were his words, and I assure you they are no more than the
+truth; and so far from K. I. 's conduct being regarded in any spirit of
+unfairness towards us, I really believe that we have met a great deal of
+delicate and refined notice on account of it. As Lord G. remarks, "They
+know that you don't belong to that strait-laced set of humbugs that want
+to frown down all mankind. They see at once that you have the habits of
+the world, and the instincts of good society, and that you come amongst
+them neither to criticise nor censure, but to please and be pleased." I
+quote his very expressions, Molly, because, with all his wildness, his
+sentiments are invariably beautiful; and I must say that an ill-natured
+word never comes out of his mouth. If there 's anything he excels in,
+too, it's tact. This he showed very remarkably when we arrived here.
+"We must do the thing handsomely," said he, "or we shall be sure to
+hear that Mr. D.'s absence is owing to pecuniary difficulties." And so,
+accordingly, he arranged to purchase a beautiful pair of gray ponies,
+and a small park phaeton, belonging to a young Russian, that was just
+ruined at the tables. We got the whole equipage for little more
+than half what it cost, and a tiger--as they call the little boy in
+buttons--goes with it.
+
+We have taken the first apartment in the "Cour de Bade," and have put
+Paddy Byrne in a suit of green and gold, that always reminds me of poor
+Daniel O'Connell. Lord G. drives me out every day himself, and I hear
+all the passers-by say, "It's Tiverton and Mrs. Dodd," in a manner
+that shows we 're as well known as the first people in the place. He
+is acquainted with every man, woman, and child in the town; and it is a
+perpetual "How are ye, Tiverton?"--"How goes it, George?"--"At the old
+trade, eh?"--as we drive along, that amuses me greatly. And it isn't
+only that he knows them personally, but he is familiar with all their
+private histories. It would fill a book--and a nice volume it would
+be!--if I were to tell you one-half of the stories he told me yesterday,
+going down to Lichtenthal. But the names is so confusing. How he
+remembers them all, I can't conceive.
+
+We go to the rooms in the evening, full dressed, and as fine as you
+please; and if you saw how the company rises to meet us, and the
+gracious manner we are received by all the first people, you 'd think we
+were sisters with half the room. For rank, wealth, and beauty, I never
+saw its equal; and the "tone," as Lord G. observes, is "so easy." Mary
+Anne usually dances all night, but _I_ only stand up for a quadrille,
+though Lord George torments me to polka with him. As for James, he never
+quits the roulette-table, which is a kind of game where you always win
+thirty-six times as much as you put down, though maybe occasionally you
+lose your stake, for it 's all chance, Molly, and, like everything else
+in this wicked world, in the hands of Fate!
+
+I 'm afraid James does n't understand the game, or forgets to take up
+his winnings; for when he joins us at supper, he looks depressed and
+careworn, till he has taken two or three glasses of champagne. Caroline,
+as you may suppose, stays moping at home. If there's anything distresses
+me more than another, it's the way that girl goes on. Here we are,
+in the very thick of the fashion, spending money,--as fast as
+hops,--ruining ourselves, I may say, with expense; and instead of taking
+the benefit of it while "it's going," she sits up in her room reading
+her eyes out of her head, and studying things that no woman need
+know. As I say to her, "What good is it to you? Will it ever get you a
+husband, to know that Sir Humphrey Clinker invented the safety-lamp?
+or do you suppose that any man will take a fancy to you for the sake
+of your chemistry and eccentricity? Besides," says I, "you could do all
+this at home, in Dodsborough, and who knows if we should n't be obliged
+to go back and finish our days in Ireland!" And in my heart and soul I
+believe it's what she 'd like!
+
+The real affliction in life is to see your children not take after you!
+That is the most dreadful calamity of all. You toil and you slave
+to bring them up with high notions, to teach them to look down upon
+whatever is low and mean, to avoid their poor relations, and whatever
+disgraces them, and you find, the whole time, 'tis looking back they
+are to their humble origin, and fancying that they were happier, for no
+other reason than because they were lower!
+
+It is, maybe, the McCarthy blood in me, but I feel as if the higher
+I went the lighter I grew; and so it is, I 'm sure, with Mary Anne.
+I know, from her face across the room, whether she's dancing with a
+"prince," or only "a gentleman from the United States"! And even in the
+matter of looks it makes the greatest difference in her. In the one
+case her eyes sparkle, her head is thrown back, her cheek glows with
+animation; while in the other she seems half asleep, dances out of time,
+and probably answers out of place.
+
+From all these facts, I gather, Molly, that there's nothing so elevating
+to the mind as moving in a rank above your own; and I'm sure I don't
+forgive myself when I keep company with my equals. I believe James has
+less of the Dodd and more of the M'Carthy in him than the girls. He
+takes to the aristocracy so naturally,--calls them by their names, and
+makes free with them in a way that is really beautiful; and they call
+him "Jim," or some of them say "Jeemes," just as familiar as himself.
+I suppose it's no use repining, but I often feel, Molly, that if it was
+the Lord's will that I was to be left a widow, I 'd see my children high
+in the world before long.
+
+This reminds me of K. I., and here's his letter for you. I copy it word
+for word, without note or comma:--
+
+"Dear Jemi,--We are waiting here for the Princess, who has not yet
+arrived, but is expected to-day or to-morrow at furthest You will be
+sorry to hear that I was ill and confined for more than a week to my bed
+at Ems." Will I, indeed? "It was a kind of low fever." I read it a love
+fever, Molly, when I saw it first "But I am now much better." You never
+were worse in your life, you old hypocrite, thinks I. "And am able to
+take a little exercise on horseback.
+
+"The expense of this journey, unavoidable as it was! is very
+considerable, so that I reckon upon your practising the strictest
+economy during my absence." I thought I'd choke, Molly, when I seen
+this. Just think of the daring impudence of the man telling me that
+while he is lavishing hundreds on his vices and wickedness, the family
+is to starve to enable him to bear the expense. "The strictest economy
+during my absence." I wish I was near you when you wrote It!
+
+Then comes in some balderdash about the scenery, and the place they
+'re at, just as coolly described as if it was talking of Bruff or the
+neighborhood; the whole winding up with, "Mrs. G. H. desires me to
+convey her tender regards"--what she can spare, I suppose, without
+robbing him--"to you and the girls. No time for more, from yours
+sincerely,
+
+"Kenny James Dodd."
+
+
+There's an epistle for you! You 'll not find the like of it in the
+"Polite Letter-Writer," I 'll wager. The father of a family--and such a
+family too!--discoursing as easily about the height of iniquity as if he
+was alluding to the state of the weather, or the price of sheep at the
+last fair. He flatters himself, maybe, that this free-and-easy way is
+the best to bamboozle me, and that by seeming to make nothing of it, I
+'ll take the same view as himself. Is that all he knows of me yet? Did
+he ever succeed in deceiving me during the last seventeen years? Did n't
+I find him out in twenty things when he did n't know himself of his own
+depravity? I tell you in confidence, Molly, that if coming abroad is an
+elegant thing for our sex, it's downright ruin to men of K. I.'s time of
+life! When they come to fifty, or thereabouts, in Ireland, they settle
+down to something respectable, either on the Bench, or Guardians to the
+Union. Their thoughts runs upon green crops and draining, and how to
+raise a trifle, by way of loan, from the Board of Works. But not having
+these things, abroad, to engage them, they take to smartening themselves
+up with polished boots and blackened whiskers, and what between pinching
+here, and padding there, they get the notion that they 're just what
+they were thirty years ago! Oh dear! oh dear! sure they 've only to go
+upstairs a little quick, to stoop to pick up a handkerchief, or button a
+boot, to detect the mistake, and if that won't do, let them try a polka
+with a young lady just out for her first season!
+
+Of all the old fools, in this fashion, I never met a worse than K.
+I.! and what adds to the disgrace, he knows it himself, and he goes on
+saying, "Sure I 'm too old for this," or "I'm past that;" and I always
+chime in with, "Of course you are; you 'd cut a nice figure;" and so on.
+But what's the use of it, Molly? Their vanity and conceit sustains
+them against all the snubs in the world, and till they come down to a
+Bath-chair, they never believe that they can't dance a hornpipe! I could
+say a great deal more on this subject, but I must turn to other things.
+You must see Purcell and tell him the way we 're left, without a
+fraction of money, nor knowing where to get it Tell him that I wrote to
+Waters about a separation, which I would, only that K. I.'s affairs is
+in such a state, I 'd have to put up with a mere trifle. Say that I 'm
+going to expose him in the newspapers, and there's "no knowing where I
+'ll stop," for that's exactly the threat Tom Purcell will be frightened
+at.
+
+Get him to send me a remittance immediately, and describe our distress
+and destitution as touchingly as you can.
+
+Here 's more of it, Molly. James has just come in to say that the
+Ministry is out in England, and that the new Government is giving
+everything away to the Irish, and that old villain, K. I., not on the
+spot to ask for a place! James tells me it's the Brigade is to have the
+best things; but I don't remember if K. I. belongs to it, though I know
+he's in the Yeomanry. From Lord-Lieutenant down to the letter-carriers,
+they must be all Irish now, James says. We 're to have Ireland for
+ourselves, and as much of England as we can, for we 'll never rest till
+we get perfect equality, and I must say it 's time too!
+
+K. I. is n't fit for much, but maybe he might get something. The
+Treasury is where he 'd like to be, but I 'm not certain it would suit
+him. At all events, he 's not to the fore, and I don't think they 'll
+send to look for him, as they did for Sir Robert Peel! Till we know,
+however, whether he has a chance of anything, it would be better to keep
+his present conduct a profound secret, for James remarks "that they make
+a great fuss about character nowadays;" and it comes well from them,
+Molly, if the stories I hear be true!
+
+Ask Purcell what's vacant in K. I.'s line? which, you may say, goes from
+Lunatic Asylums to the Court of Chancery. I don't want James to have
+an Irish appointment, but he says there's something in Gambia--wherever
+that is--that he'd like.
+
+As, of course, K. I. and myself can never live together again, it would
+be very convenient if he was to get something that would require him to
+stay in Ireland,--either a suspensory magistrate or a place in Newgate
+would do. You 'll wonder at my troubling myself about a man that behaved
+as he did; and, indeed, I wonder at myself for it; and what I say is,
+maybe this might happen, maybe the other, and I 'd be sorry afterwards;
+and if he was to be taken away suddenly, I 'd like to be sure to have my
+mind easy, and in a happy frame.
+
+Isn't it dreadful to think that it's about these things my letter is
+filled, while all the enjoyment in life is going on about me? There's
+the band underneath my window playing the Railroad Polka, and the crowd
+round them is princesses and duchesses and countesses, all so elegantly
+dressed, and looking so sweet and amiable. Every minute the door opens,
+with an invitation for this or that, or maybe a nosegay of beautiful
+flowers that a prince with a wonderful name has sent to Mary Anne. And
+here 's a man with the most tempting jewelry from Vienna, and another
+with lace and artificial flowers; and all for nothing, Molly, or next to
+nothing,--if one had a trifle to spend on them. And so we might, too, if
+K. I. had n't behaved this way.
+
+There's to be a grand ball to-night at the Rooms, and Mary Anne is come
+to me about her dress; for one thing here is indispensable,--you must
+never appear twice in the same. For the life of me, I don't know what
+they do with the old gowns, but Mary Anne and myself has a stock already
+that would set up a moderate mantua-maker. As to shoes, and gloves too,
+a second night out of them is impossible, though Mary Anne tries to wear
+them at small tea-parties. Speaking of this, I must say that girl will
+be a treasure to the man that gets her; for she has so many ways of
+turning things to account: there 's not an old lace veil, nor a bit of
+net, nor even a flower, that she can't find use for, somewhere or other.
+As to Caroline, she looks like a poor governess; there's no taste nor
+style whatever about her; and as to a bit of ribbon round her throat,
+or a cheap brooch, she never wears one! I tell her every day, "You 're a
+Dodd, my dear,--a regular Dodd. You have no more of the M'Carthy in you
+than if you never saw me." And, indeed, she takes after the father in
+everything. She has a dry, sneering way about whatever is genteel or
+high-bred, and the same liking for anything low and common; but, after
+all, I 'm lucky to have Mary Anne and James what they are! There 's no
+position in life that they 're not equal to; and if I 'm not greatly
+mistaken, it's in the very highest rank they 'll settle down at last
+This opinion of mine, Molly, is the best and shortest answer I can
+give to what you ask me in your last letter,--"What's the use of going
+abroad?" But, indeed, your question--as Lord George remarked, when I
+told him of it--is, "What's the use of civilization? What's the use of
+clothes? What's the use of cooked victuals?" You'll say, perhaps, that
+you have all these in Ireland; and I'll tell you, just as flatly, You
+have not. You stare with surprise, but I repeat to you, You have not.
+
+An old iron shop in Pill Lane, with bits of brass, broken glass, and old
+crockery, is just as like Storr and Mortimer's as your Irish habits
+and ways are like the real world. Why, Molly, there's no breeding nor
+manners at all! You are all twice too familiar, or what you perhaps
+would call cordial, with each other; and yet you dare n't, for the life
+of you, say what every foreigner would say to a lady the first time he
+ever met her. That's your notion of good manners!
+
+As to your clothes, I get red as a turkey-cock with pure shame when I
+think of a Dublin bonnet, with a whole botanical garden over it; but,
+indeed, when one thinks of the dirty streets and the shocking climate,
+they forgive you for keeping all the finery for the head.
+
+The cookery I won't speak of. There's people can eat it, and much good
+may it do them; and my heart bleeds when I think of their sufferings.
+But maybe Ireland _is_ coming round, after all. What I hear is, that
+when everybody is sold out, matters will begin to mend. I suppose it's
+just as if the whole country was taking what's called the "Benefit of
+the Act," and that they'll start fresh again in the world without owing
+sixpence. If that's the meaning of the Cumbered Estates, it's the best
+thing ever was done for Ireland, and I only wonder they did n't think
+of it earlier; for my sure and certain opinion is that there's nothing
+distresses a man like trying to pay off old debts; and it destroys the
+spirits besides, for ye 're always saying, "It was n't _me_ that spent
+_this_, I had n't any fun for _that_."
+
+James has just come in with the list of the new Ministry, and among all
+the Irish appointments I don't see as good a name as K. I.'s; and you
+may fancy how respectable they are after that! But the truth is, Molly,
+it's the same with politics as with the potatoes: one is satisfied to
+put up with anything in a famine. K. I. used to say that when he was
+young, his Irish name would have excluded him as much from any chance
+of office as if he was a Red Indian; but times is changed now, and I
+see two or three in the list that their colleagues will never pronounce
+rightly,--and that, at least, is something gained.
+
+And just to think of it, Molly! Who knows, if K. I. wasn't disgracing
+himself this minute, that he would n't be high in the Administration? I
+remember the time when it was only Lord James this, or Sir Michael that,
+got anything; but now you may remark that it's maybe a fellow would rob
+the mail is a Lord of the Treasury, and one that would take fright at
+his own shadow is made Clerk of the Ordnance. That's a great "step in
+the right direction," Molly, and it shows, besides, that we 're daily
+living down obscene and antiquated prejudices.
+
+You like a long letter, you say, and I hope you 'll be satisfied with
+this, for I 'm four days over it; but, to be sure, half the time is
+spent crying over the barbarous treatment I 've met from K. I. That you
+may never know what it is to have a like grief, is the prayer of your
+affectionate friend,
+
+Jemima Dodd.
+
+P. S. Mary Anne sends her love and regards, and Cary, too, desires to
+be remembered to you. She is longing to have old Tib here, as if a black
+cat would be anything remarkable on the Continent But that 's the way
+with her. All the Dodsborough geese are swans in _her_ estimation.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXIV. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQUIRE, TRINITY COLLEGE,
+DUBLIN.
+
+Baden-Baden.
+
+My dear Bob,--I copy the following paragraph from the "Galignani"
+of yesterday: "Considerable excitement has been caused amongst the
+fashionable visitors of Baden by the rumored elopement of the charming
+Mrs. G * * * H * * *. * * with an Irish gentleman of large fortune, and
+who, though considerably past the prime of life, is evidently not beyond
+the age of fascination. Our readers will appreciate the reserve with
+which we only allude to a report, the bare mention of which will
+doubtless give the deepest distress amongst a wide circle of our very
+highest aristocracy." Probably all your conic sections and spherical
+trigonometry learning would never enable you to read the riddle aright,
+and so I shall save you the profitless effort by saying that the
+delinquent so delicately indicated in the above is no other than the
+worthy governor himself. Ay, Bob, as the old song says,--
+
+     "No age, no profession, nor station is free,
+     To sovereign beauty mankind bends the knee;"
+
+and how should it be expected that Dodd pere could resist the soft
+impeachment? To be as intelligible as the circumstances permit, I must
+ask of you to call to mind a certain very beautiful fellow-traveller
+of ours,--a Mrs. Gore Hampton. She is the Dido of this AEneid. Not
+that there is in reality any--even the remotest--shade of truth in the
+newspaper paragraph; the entire event being explicable upon far less
+romantic and less interesting grounds. Mrs. G. H. having desired the
+protection of my father's escort to some small town in Germany, and
+not wishing to excite the inevitable hostility of my mother to the
+arrangement, determined upon a night march, without beat of drum. In
+this way was the fortress evacuated; and when the garrison were mustered
+for duty, Dodd pere was reported missing.
+
+Tiverton, who was in the secret throughout, explained everything to
+me, and I as readily imparted the explanation to the girls; but all our
+endeavors to convince my mother were totally fruitless. "She knew him of
+old,"--"she guessed many a day since what he was,"--"it was not now that
+she had to read his character,"--these and similar intimations, coupled
+with others even stronger and less flattering as regarded his time of
+life, manners, and personal advantages, were more than enough to drown
+all our arguments; and I must confess that she arranged the details of
+circumstantial evidence against him with a degree of art and dexterity
+that might have reflected credit on a Crown lawyer.
+
+Of course, the first three or four days after the event were not of the
+pleasantest; for, not satisfied with the sympathies of a home circle, my
+mother empanelled "special juries" of the waiters and chambermaids, and
+arraigned the unlucky governor on a series of charges extending to a
+period far beyond the "statute of limitations."
+
+Under these circumstances there was nothing for it but to leave this
+place at once, and establish our quarters in some new locality. Baden
+offered the most advisable sphere, whither we have come, if not to hide
+our sorrows, at least to console our griefs. I am perfectly convinced
+that if the governor came back to-morrow, and could only obtain a fair
+hearing, he could satisfactorily explain why he went, where he was, and
+everything else about his absence; but there lies the real difficulty,
+Bob. He will be condemned _per contumaciam_, if not actually hooted out
+of court with indignation. While this is undeniably true, you will be
+astonished to hear how thoroughly public sympathy would be with him,
+were he boldly to stand forth and tender his plea of "Guilty." I was
+slow to credit this when Tiverton told me so at first, but I now see
+it is perfect fact. Good society abroad exacts something in the way of
+qualification,--like what certain charitable institutions require at
+home,--you must have sinned before you can hope for admittance! It is
+not enough that you express profligate opinions,--speak disparagingly
+of whatever is right, and praise the wrong,--you are expected to give
+a proof, a good, palpable, unmistakable proof of your professions, and
+show yourself a man of your word. The oddest thing about all this is
+that these evidences are not demanded on any moral or immoral grounds,
+but simply as requirements of good breeding,--in other words, you have
+no right to mix in society where your purity of character may give
+offence; such pretension would be a downright impertinence.
+
+Hence you will perceive that if the governor only knew of it, he might
+take brevet rank as a scamp, and actually figure here as one of the
+"profligates of the season." Meanwhile, his absence is not without its
+inconveniences; and if he remain much longer away, I am sorely afraid,
+we shall be reduced to a paper currency, not "convertible" at will.
+
+I have myself been terribly unlucky at "the tables," have lost heavily,
+and am deeply in debt. Tiverton, however, tells me never to despair, and
+that when pushed to the wall a man can always retrieve himself by a rich
+marriage. I confess the remedy is not exactly to my taste,--but what
+remedy ever is? If it must be so, it must. There are just now some three
+or four great prizes in the wheel matrimonial here, of which I will
+speak more fully in my next; my object in the present being rather to
+tell you where we are, than to communicate the _res gesto_ of
+
+Your ever attached friend,
+
+James Dodd.
+
+P. S. Don't think of reading for the Fellowship, I beg and entreat of
+you. If you will take to "monkery," do it among our own fellows, who
+at least enjoy lives of ease and indolence. Besides, it is a downright
+absurdity to suppose that any man ever rallies after four years of
+hard study and application. As Tiverton says, "You train too fine, and
+there's no work in you afterwards."
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXV. KENNY DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+
+Eisenach, "The Rue Garland."
+
+Mr dear Tom,--You may see by the address that I am still here, although
+in somewhat different circumstances from those in which I last wrote to
+you. No longer "mi lor," the occupant of the "grand suite of apartments
+with the balcony," flattered by beauty, and waited on with devotion. I
+am now alone; the humble tenant of a small sanded parlor, and but too
+happy to take a very unpretending place at my host's table. I seek
+out solitary spots for my daily walks,--I select the very cheapest
+"Canastre" for my lonely pipe,--and, in a word, I am undergoing a course
+of "the silent system," accompanied by thoughts of the past,
+present, and the future, gloomy as ever were inflicted by any code of
+penitentiary discipline.
+
+I know not if--seeing the bulk of this formidable despatch--you will
+have patience to read it: I have my doubts that you will employ somebody
+to "note the brief" for you, and only address yourself to the strong
+points of the case. Be this as it may, it is a relief to me to decant my
+sorrows even into my ink-bottle; and I come back at night with a sense
+of consolation that shows me that, no matter how lonely and desolate
+a man may be in the world, there is a great source of comfort in the
+sympathy he has for himself. This may sound like a bull, but it is not
+one, as I am quite ready to show. But my poor brains are not in order
+for metaphysics, and so, with your leave, I 'll just confine myself to
+narrative for the present, and keep all the philosophy of my argument
+for another occasion.
+
+Lest, however, you should only throw your eyes carelessly over these
+lines and not adventure far into the detail of my sorrows, I take this
+early opportunity of saying that I am living here on credit,--that I
+have n't five shillings left to me,--that my shoemaker lies in wait
+for me in the Juden-Gasse, and my washerwoman watches for me near the
+church. Schnaps, snuff, and cigars have encompassed me round about with
+small duns, and I live in a charmed circle of petty persecutions,
+that would drive a less good-tempered man half-crazy. Not that I am
+ungrateful to Providence for many blessings; I acknowledge heartily the
+great advantage I possess in knowing nothing whatever of the language,
+so that I am enabled to preserve my equanimity under what very probably
+may be the foulest abuse that ever was poured out upon insolvent
+humanity.
+
+My wardrobe is dwindled to the "shortest span." I have "taken out" my
+great-coat in Kirschwasser, and converted my spare small-clothes into
+cigars. My hat has gone to repair my shoes; and as my razors are pledged
+for pen, ink, and paper, I have grown a beard that would make the
+fortune of an Italian refugee, or of a missionary speaker at Exeter
+Hall!
+
+My host of the "Rue Garland" hasn't seen a piece of my money for the
+last fortnight; and now, for the first time since I came abroad, am I
+able to say that I find the Continent cheap to live in. Ay, Tom, take
+my word for it, the whole secret lies in this,--"Do with little, and pay
+for less," and you 'll find a great economy in coming abroad to live.
+But if you cannot cheat yourself as well as your creditors, take my
+advice and stay at home. These, however, are only spare reflections; and
+I'll now resume my story, taking up the thread of it where I left off in
+my last.
+
+It is really all like a dream to me, Tom; and many times I am unable to
+convince myself that it is not a dream, so strange and so novel are
+all the incidents that have of late befallen me, so unlike every
+former passage of my life, and so unsuited am I by nature, habit, and
+temperament for the curious series of adventures in which I have been
+involved.
+
+After all, I suppose it is downright balderdash to say that a man is not
+adapted for this, or suited to that. I remember people telling me that
+public life would n't do for me; that I was n't the kind of man for
+Parliament, and so on; but I see the folly of it all now. The truth
+is, Tom, that there is a faculty of accommodation in human nature, and
+wherever you are placed, under whatever circumstances situated, you
+'ll discover that your spirit, like your stomach, learns to digest
+everything; though I won't deny that it may now and then be at the cost
+of a heartburn in the one case as well as the other.
+
+When I wrote to you last, I was living a kind of pastoral life,--a
+species of Meliboeus, without sheep! If I remember aright, I left off
+when we were just setting out on an excursion into the forest,--one
+of those charming rides over the smooth sward, and under the trellised
+shadow of tall trees, now loitering pensively before some vista of the
+wood, now cantering along with merry laughter, as though with every
+bound we left some care behind never to overtake us. Ah, Tom, it's no
+use for me to argue and reason with myself; I always find that I come
+back to the same point, and that whatever touches my feelings, whatever
+makes my heart vibrate with pleasant emotion, whatever brings back to me
+the ardent, confiding, trustful tone of my young days, does me good, and
+that I'm a better man for it, even though "the situation," as you would
+call it, was rather equivocal. Don't mistake me, Tom Purcell, I don't
+want to go wrong; I have not the slightest inclination to break my neck.
+The height of my ambition is only to look over the precipice. Can't you
+understand that? Try and "realize" that to yourself, as the Yankees say,
+and you'll at once comprehend the whole charm and fascination of my late
+life here. I was always "looking over the precipice," always speculating
+upon the terrible perils of the drop, and always half hugging myself
+in my sense of security. Maybe this is metaphysics again; if it is, I'm
+sorry for it, but the German Diet must take the blame of it,--a course
+of sauerkraut would make any man flighty.
+
+Well, I 'll spare you all description of these "Forest days," at
+whatever cost to my own feelings; and it is not every man that would put
+that much constraint upon himself, for something tells me that the theme
+would make me "come out strong." That, what with my descriptive powers
+as regards scenery, and my acute analysis on the score of emotions, I
+'d astonish you, and you 'd be forced to exclaim, "Kenny is a very
+remarkable man. Faith! I never thought he had this in him." Nor did I
+know it myself, Tom Purcell; nor as much as suspect it. The fact is,
+my natural powers never had fair play. Mrs. D. kept me in a state of
+perpetual conflict. "Little wars," as the Duke used to say, "destroy
+a state;" and in the same way it's your small domesticities--to coin
+a word--that ruin a man's nature and fetter his genius. You think,
+perhaps, that I 'm employing an over-ambitious phrase, but I am not.
+Mrs. G. H. assured me that I actually did possess "genius," and I
+believe in my heart that she is the only one who ever really understood
+me.
+
+No man understood human nature better than Byron, and he says, in one of
+his letters, "that none of us ever do anything till a woman takes us
+in hand;" by which, of course, he means the developing of our better
+instincts,--the illustrating our latent capabilities, and so on; and
+that, let me observe to you, is exactly what our wives never do. With
+them, it is everlastingly some small question of domestic economy. They
+"take the vote on the supplies" every morning at breakfast, and they
+go to bed at night with thoughts of the "budget." The woman, therefore,
+referred to by the poet cannot be what we should call in Ireland "the
+woman that owns you." And here, again, my dear friend, is another
+illustration of my old theory,--how hard it is for a man to be good and
+great at the same time. Indeed, I am disposed to say that Nature never
+intended we should, but in all probability meant to typify, by the
+separation, the great manufacturing axiom,--"the division of labor."
+
+Be this as it may, Byron is right, and if there be an infinitesimal
+spark of the divine essence in your nature, your female friend will
+detect it with the same unerring accuracy that a French chemist hunts
+out the ten-thousandth part of a grain of arsenic in a case of poison.
+It would amaze you were I to tell you how markedly I perceived the
+changes going on in myself when under this influence. There was, so
+to say, a great revolution going on within me, that embraced all my
+previous thoughts and opinions on men, manners, and morals. I felt that
+hitherto I had been taking a kind of Dutch view of life from the mere
+level of surrounding objects, but that now I was elevated to a high and
+commanding position, from which I looked down with calm dignity. I must
+observe to you that Mrs. G. H. was not only in the highest fashionable
+circles of London, but that she was one who took a very active part in
+political life. This will doubtless surprise you, Tom, as it did myself,
+for we know really nothing in Ireland of the springs that set great
+events in motion. Little do we suspect the real influence women
+exercise,--the sway and control they practise over those who rule us.
+I wish you heard Mrs. G. H. talk, how she made Bustle do this, and
+persuaded Pumistone do the other. Foreign affairs are her forte, and,
+indeed, she owned to me that purely Home matters were too narrow and too
+local to interest her. What she likes is a great Russian question, with
+the Bosphorus and the Danubian Provinces, and the Hospodar of Wallachia
+to deal with; or Italy and the Austrians, with a skirmishing dash at
+the Pope and the King of Naples. She is a Whig, for she told me that
+the Tories were a set of rude barbarians, that never admitted female
+influence; and "the consequence is," says she, "they never know what
+is doing at foreign courts. Now _we_ knew everything: there was
+the Princess Sleeboffsky, at St. Petersburg; and the Countess von
+Schwarmerey, at Berlin; and Madame de la Tour de Force, at Florence,
+all in our interest. There was not a single impertinent allusion made
+to England, in all the privacy of royal domestic life, that we hadn't it
+reported to us; and we knew, besides, all the little 'tendresses' of
+the different statesmen of the Continent, for, in our age, we bribe with
+Beauty, where formerly it was a matter of Bank-notes. The Tories, on
+the other hand, lived with their wives, which at once accounts for the
+narrowness of their views, and the limited range of their speculations."
+
+All this may read to you like a digression, my dear Tom, but it is not;
+for it enables me to exhibit to you some of those traits by which this
+fascinating creature charmed and engaged me. She opened so many new
+views of life to me,--explained so much of what was mystery to me
+before,--recounted so many amusing stories of great people,--gave me
+such passing glimpses of that wonderful world made up of kings and
+kaisers and ministers, who are, so to say, the great pieces of the
+chess-board, whereon we are but pawns,--that I actually felt as if I had
+been a child till I knew her.
+
+Another grand result of this kind of information is, that, as you
+extend your observation beyond the narrow sphere of home,--whether it
+be politically or domestically,--you learn at last to think so little
+of what you once regarded as your own immediate and material interests,
+that you have as many--maybe more--sympathies with the world at large
+than with those actually belonging to you. Such was the progress I made
+in this enlightenment, that I felt far more anxious about the Bosphorus
+than ever I did for Bruff, and would rather have seen the Austrians
+expelled from Lom-bardy than have turned out every "squatter" off my
+own estate at Dodsborough. And it is not only that one acquires grander
+notions this way, but there are a variety of consolations in the system.
+You grumble at the poor-rates, and I point to the population of
+Milan paying ten times as much to their tyrants. You exclaim against
+extermination, and I reply, "Look at Poland." You complain of the
+priests' exactions, and I say, "Be thankful that you haven't the Pope."
+
+Now, Tom, come back from all these speculations, and bring your thoughts
+to bear upon her that originated them, and don't wonder at me if I did
+n't know how the days were slipping past; nor could only give a mere
+passing, fugitive reflection to the fact that I have a wife and three
+children somewhere, not very abundantly furnished with the "sinews of
+war." I suppose, if we could only understand it, that we 'd discover our
+minds were like our bodies, and that we sometimes succumb to influences
+we could resist at other moments. Put your head out of the window at
+certain periods, and you are certain to catch a cold. I conclude that
+there are seasons the heart is just as susceptible.
+
+I cannot give you a stronger illustration of the strange delirium of my
+faculties than the fact that I actually forgot the Princess whom we came
+expressly to meet, and never once asked about her. It was some time
+in the sixth week of our sojourn that the thought shot through my
+brain,--"Was n't there a princess to be here?--did n't we expect to see
+her?" How Mrs. G. H. laughed when I asked her the question! She really
+could n't stop herself for ten minutes. "But I am right," cried I;
+"there really _was_ a princess?"
+
+"To be sure you are, my dear Mr. Dodd," said she, wiping her eyes;
+"but you must have been living in a state of trance, or you would have
+remembered that the poor dear Duchess was obliged to accompany the
+Empress to Sicily, and that she could n't possibly count upon being here
+before the middle of September."
+
+"What month are we in now?" asked I, timidly.
+
+"July, of course!" said she, laughing.
+
+"June, July, August, September," said I, counting on my fingers; "that
+will be four months!"
+
+"What do you mean?" asked she.
+
+"I mean," said I, "it will be four months since I saw Mrs. D. and the
+family."
+
+She pressed her handkerchief to her face, and I thought I heard her sob;
+indeed I am certain I did. Nothing was further from my thoughts than to
+say a rude thing, or even an unfeeling one, and so I assured her over
+and over. I protested that it was the very first time since I came
+away that I ever as much as remembered one belonging to me; that it was
+impossible for a man to feel less the ties of family; that I looked upon
+myself--and, indeed, I hoped she also looked upon me in a way--in fact,
+regarded me in a light--I'm not exactly clear, Tom, what light I said;
+of course, you can imagine what I intended to say, if I did n't say it.
+
+"Is this really true?" said she, without uncovering her face, while she
+extended her other hand towards me.
+
+"True!" repeated I. "If it were not true, why am I here? Why have I
+left--" I just caught myself in time, Tom. I was nearly "in it" again,
+with an allusion to Mrs. D.; but I changed it, and said, "Why am I your
+slave,--why am I at your feet--" Just as I said that, suiting the action
+to the words, the door of the room was jerked violently open, and a tall
+man, with a tremendous bushy pair of whiskers, poked his head in.
+
+[Illustration: 340]
+
+"Oh, heavens!" cried she; "mined and undone!" and fled before I could
+see her; while the stranger, fastening the door behind him with the key,
+advanced towards me with an air at once so menacing and warlike that I
+seized the poker, an instrument about four feet six long, and stood on
+the defensive.
+
+"Mr. Kenny Dodd, I believe," said he, solemnly.
+
+"The same!" said I.
+
+"And not Lord Harvey Bruce, at least, on this occasion," said he, with a
+kind of sneer.
+
+"No," said I, "and who are you?"
+
+"I am Lord Harvey Bruce, sir," was the answer.
+
+I don't think I said anything in reply; indeed, I am quite sure I did
+not say a syllable; but I must have made some expressive gesture, or
+suffered some exclamation to escape me, for he quickly rejoined,--
+
+"Yes, sir, you have, indeed, reason to be thankful; for had it been my
+wretched, miserable, and injured friend instead, you would now be lying
+weltering in your blood."
+
+"Might I make bold to ask the name of the wretched, miserable, and
+injured gentleman to whom I was about to be so much indebted?"
+
+"The husband of your unhappy victim, sir," exclaimed he, and with such
+an energy of voice that I brandished the poker to show I was ready for
+him. "Yes, sir, Mr. Gore Hampton is now in this village,--to a mere
+accident you owe it that he is not in this hotel,--ay, in this very
+room."
+
+[Illustration: 342]
+
+And he gave a shudder at the words, as though the thoughts they
+suggested were enough to curdle a man's blood.
+
+"I'll tell you what, my Lord," said I, getting the table between us,
+to prevent any sudden attack on his part, "all your anger and
+high-down indignation are clean thrown away. There is no victim here at
+all,--there is no villain; and, so far as I am concerned, your friend
+is not either miserable or injured. The circumstances under which I
+accompanied that lady to this place are all easy of explanation, and
+such as require a very different acknowledgment from what you seem
+disposed to make for them."
+
+"If you think you are dealing with a schoolboy, sir, you are somewhat
+mistaken," broke he in. "I am a man of the world, and it will save us
+a deal of time, sir, if you will please to bear this plain fact in your
+memory."
+
+"You may be that, or anything else you like, my Lord," said I; "but I 'd
+have you to know that I am a man well respected in the world, the father
+of a grown-up family. There is no occasion for that heavy groan at all,
+my Lord; the case is not what you suspect. I came here purely out of
+friendship--"
+
+"Come, come, sir, this is sheer trifling; or, it is worse,--it is
+outrageous insult. The man who elopes with a woman, passes under a false
+name, retires with her into one of the most remote and unvisited towns
+of Germany, is discovered--as I lately discovered you,--only insults the
+understanding of him who listens to such excuses. We have tracked you,
+sir,--it is but fair to tell you,--from the Rhine to this village. We
+are prepared, when the proper time comes, to bring a host of evidence
+against you. In all probability, a more scandalous case has not come
+before the public these last twenty years. Rest assured, then, that
+denial, no matter how well sustained, will avail you little; and when
+you have arrived at this palpable conviction, it will greatly facilitate
+our progress towards the termination of this unhappy business."
+
+"Well, my Lord, let us suppose, for argument's sake,--'without
+prejudice,' however, as the attorneys say,--that I see everything with
+your eyes, what is the nature of the termination you allude to?"
+
+"From a gentleman coming from your side of St George's Channel, the
+question is somewhat singular," observed he, with a sneer.
+
+"Oh, I perceive," said I; "your Lordship means a duel." He bowed, and I
+went on: "Very well; I'm quite ready, whenever and wherever you please;
+and if your friend should n't make the arrangement inconvenient, it
+would be a great honor to me to exchange a shot with your Lordship
+afterwards. I have no friend by me, it is true; but maybe the landlord
+would oblige me so far, and I 'm sure you 'll not refuse me a pistol."
+
+"As regards your polite attentions to myself, sir, I have but to say
+I accept them; at the same time, I fear you are paying me a French
+compliment. It is not a case for a formal exchange of shots; so long as
+Hampton lives, you can never leave the ground alive!"
+
+"Then the best thing I can do is to shoot him," said I; and whether the
+speech was an unfeeling one, or the way I said it was bloodthirsty, but
+he certainly looked anything but easy in his mind.
+
+"The sooner we settle the affair the better, sir," said he, haughtily.
+
+"I think so, too, my Lord."
+
+"With whom can I, then, communicate on your part?"
+
+"I 'll ask the landlord, and if he declines, I 'll try the little barber
+on the Platz."
+
+"I must say, sir, it is the first time in my life I find myself in such
+company. Have you no countryman of your acquaintance within a reasonable
+distance?"
+
+"If Lord George Tiverton were here--"
+
+"If he were, sir, he could not act for you,--he is the near relative of
+my friend."
+
+I thought of everybody I could remember; but what was the use of it? I
+couldn't reach any of them, and so I was obliged to own. He seemed to
+ponder over this for some time, and then said,--
+
+"The matter requires some consideration, sir. When the unhappy result
+gets abroad in the world, it is necessary that nothing should attach to
+us as men of honor and gentlemen. Your friends will have the right to
+ask if you were properly seconded."
+
+"By the unhappy result, your Lordship delicately insinuates my death?"
+
+He gave a little sigh, adjusted his cravat, and smoothed down his
+moustaches at the glass over the chimney.
+
+"If it should occur as your Lordship surmises," said I, "it little
+matters who officiates on the occasion; indeed," added I, stroking my
+beard, "the barber mightn't be an inappropriate friend. But I 've been
+'out' on matters of this kind a few times, and somehow I never got
+grazed yet; and that's more than the man opposite me was able to say."
+
+"You 'll stand before a man to-morrow, sir, that can hit a Napoleon at
+twenty paces."
+
+Faith, Tom, I was nigh saying I wish he could find one for a mark about
+_me_; but I caught myself in time, and only observed,--
+
+"He must be an elegant shot."
+
+"The best in the Blues, sir; but this is beside the question. The
+difficulty is, now, about your friend. There may be some retired officer
+here,--some one who has served; if you will institute inquiry, I'll wait
+upon you this evening, and conclude our arrangements."
+
+I promised I 'd do all in my power, and bowed him out of the room
+and downstairs with every civility, which, I am bound to say, he also
+returned, and we parted on excellent terms.
+
+Now, Tom, you 'll maybe think it strange of me, with a thing of the kind
+on hand, but so it was, the moment he was off, I went to look for Mrs.
+Gore Hampton.
+
+"The lady?" cried the waiter; "she started with extra-post half an hour
+ago."
+
+"Started!" exclaimed I,--"which way?"
+
+"On the high-road to Munich."
+
+"She left no letter,--no note for me?"
+
+"No, sir."
+
+"Poor thing,--overcome, I suppose. She was crying, wasn't she?"
+
+"No, sir, she looked very much as usual, but hurried, perhaps; for she
+nearly forgot the ham sandwiches she had ordered to be got ready for
+her."
+
+"The ham sandwiches!" exclaimed I, and they nearly choked me. "I 'm
+going to be shot for a woman that, in the very extremity of her ruin,
+has the heart to order ham sandwiches!" That was the reflection that
+arose to my mind, and can you fancy a more bitter one?
+
+"Are you sure," asked I, "the sandwiches weren't for Madame Virginie, or
+the little dog?"
+
+"They might, sir, but my Lady desired us to be sure and put plenty of
+mustard on them."
+
+This was the damning circumstance, Tom. She was fond of mustard,--I had
+often remarked it; and just see, now, on what a trivial thing a man's
+happiness can hang. For I own to you, so long as I was strong in what I
+fancied to be her good graces, I could have fought the whole regiment of
+Blues; but when I thought to myself, "She doesn't care a brass farthing
+for you, Kenny Dodd; she may be laughing at you this minute over the ham
+sandwiches,"--I felt like a drowning man that had nothing to grapple
+on. Talk of unhappy and injured men, indeed! Wasn't I in that category
+myself? Not even a husband's selfishness could dispute the palm of
+misery with _me!_ In the matter of desertion we were both in the same
+boat, and for the life of me, I don't see what we could have to fight
+about. I never heard of two sailors rescued from shipwreck quarrelling
+as to who it was lost the vessel!
+
+"The best thing for us to do," thought I, "would be to try and console
+each other; and if he be a sensible, good-hearted fellow, he 'll maybe
+take the same view of it. I 'll ask him and my Lord to dinner; I'll make
+the landlord give us some of that wonderful old Stein berger that was
+bottled three hundred years ago; I 'll treat them to a regular Saxon
+dish of venison with capers washed down with Marcobrunner, and if we 're
+not brothers before morning, my name is n't Kenny Dodd."
+
+I was on "these hospitable thoughts intent," when Lord Harvey Bruce was
+again announced. He had found out an old sergeant-major of artillery,
+who for a consideration would undertake the duties of my second,--kindly
+adding that he and his family, a very large one, would also attend my
+obsequies.
+
+I interrupted his Lordship to remark that an event bad just occurred to
+modify the circumstances of the case, and mentioned Mrs. Gore Hampton's
+departure.
+
+"I really cannot perceive, sir," replied he, "that this in any way
+affects the matter in hand. Is my friend less injured--is his honor less
+tarnished because this unhappy woman has at last awoke to a sense of her
+degraded and pitiable condition?"
+
+I thought of the sandwiches, Tom, but could say nothing.
+
+"Are you less his greatest enemy on earth, sir?" cried he, passionately.
+
+"Now listen to me patiently, my Lord," said I. "I 'll be as brief as I
+can, for both our sakes. I don't value it one rush whether I go out with
+your friend or not. If you want a proof of what I say, step into the
+little garden here and I 'll give it to you. I 'm neither boasting nor
+bloodthirsty, when I say that I know how to stand at either end of a
+pistol; but there's nothing to fight about between us."
+
+"Oh, if you renew that line of argument," cried he, interrupting me, "It
+is totally impossible I can listen."
+
+"And why not?" said I. "Is it a greater satisfaction to your friend to
+believe himself injured and dishonored than to know that he is neither
+one nor the other?"
+
+"Then why did you come away with her?"
+
+"I can't tell," said I, for my head was quite confused with all the
+discussion.
+
+"And why call yourself by _my_ name at Ems?"
+
+"I cannot tell."
+
+"Nor what do you mean by the attitude in which I found you when I
+entered the room?"
+
+"I can't tell that, either," cried I, driven to desperation by sheer
+embarrassment "It's no use asking me any more. I have been living for
+the last five or six weeks like one under a spell of enchantment. I can
+no more account for my actions than a patient in Swift's Hospital. I 'm
+afraid to commit my scattered thoughts to paper, lest they might convict
+me of insanity. I know and feel that I am a responsible being, but
+somehow my notions of right and wrong are so confused, I have learned to
+look on so many things differently from what I used, that I 'd cut a
+sorry figure under cross-examination on any matter of morality. There's
+the whole truth of it now. I 'd have kept it to myself if I could; I 'm
+heartily ashamed at owning to it--but I can't help it--it would come
+out. Therefore, don't bother me with, 'Why did you do this?' 'What made
+you do that?' for I can give you no reasons for anything."
+
+"By Jove! this is a very singular affair," said he, leaning over the
+back of a chair, and staring me steadfastly in the face. "Your age--your
+standing in society--your appearance generally, Mr. Dodd, would, I feel
+bound to say, rather--" Here he hesitated and faltered, as if the right
+word was not forthcoming; and so I continued for him,--
+
+"Just so, my Lord; would rather refute than fix upon me such an
+imputation. I 'm not very like the kind of man that figures usually in
+these sort of cases."
+
+"As to _that_," said he, cautiously, "there is no saying. I am now only
+speaking my own private sentiments, the result of impressions made upon
+myself as an individual. Courts of Law take their own views of these
+things; and the House of Lords has also its own way of regarding them."
+
+The words threw me into a cold perspiration from head to foot, Tom!
+Courts of Law! and the House of Lords! was n't that a pretty prospect
+for an encumbered Irish gentleman? A shot, or even two, at twelve or
+fourteen paces, cannot be a very expensive thing, in a pecuniary point,
+to any man, and there 's an awkwardness in declining it if others are
+anxious to have it, so that you appear ungracious and disobliging. But
+Westminster Hall and St. Stephen's, Tom, is mighty different. I won't
+speak of the disgrace that attends such a proceeding at my time of life,
+nor the hue-and-cry that the Press sets up at you, and follows you with
+to your own hearth,--"the place from whence you came," and where now
+your wife waits for you--to perform the last sentence of the law. I
+won't allude to "Punch" and the "Illustrated News," that live upon
+you for three weeks; but I 'll just take the thing in its simplest
+form,--financially. Why, racing, railroads, contested elections, are
+nothing to it. You go to work exactly as Cobden says France and England
+do with their armaments: Chatham launches a seventy-four, and out comes
+Cherbourg with a line-of-battle ship,--"Injured Husband," secures Sir
+Fitzroy Kelly; "Heartless Seducer," sends his brief to Cock-burn. It's a
+game of brag from that moment; and there's as much scheming and plotting
+to get a hold of Frank Murphy as if he was the knave of spades! It
+matters little or nothing what the upshot of the case may be; you may
+sink the enemy, or be compelled to strike your own flag; it does n't
+signify, in the least; the damages of the action are fatal to you.
+
+Now, Tom, although I never speculated in all my life as to figuring in
+an affair like this, these considerations were often strongly impressed
+upon me by reading the newspapers, and I bad come to the conclusion that
+a man should never think of defending an action of this kind, no more
+than he would a petition against his election, and for the same reason.
+Since, although not actually guilty in the one case or the other, you
+are certain to have committed so many indiscretions,--written, maybe, so
+many ridiculous letters,--and, in fact, exposed yourself so much, that
+if you cannot keep out of sight altogether, the next best thing is, let
+the judgment go by default. I say this to show you that the moment
+my Lord threw out the hint about law I had made up my mind from that
+instant.
+
+"I sincerely wish," said he, after some deliberation, "that I could hit
+upon any mode of arranging this affair; for although I own you have made
+a strongly favorable impression upon me, 'Dodd,'"--he called me Dodd
+here, quite like an old friend,--"we cannot expect that Hampton could
+concur in this view. The fact is, the whole thing has got so much blazed
+abroad,--they are so well known in the fashionable world, both home and
+foreign,--she is so very handsome, so much admired, and he is such
+a charming fellow,--the case has created a kind of European _eclat_.
+Looking at the matter candidly, there may be a good deal in what you
+have said, but as a man of the world, I am forced to say that Hampton
+must shoot you, or sue for a divorce. I am well aware that whichever
+course he adopts many will condemn him. In the clubs there will be
+always parties. There may spring up even a kind of _juste milieu_,
+who will say, 'Now that poor Dodd is dead, I wonder if he really _was_
+guilty?'"
+
+"I protest I feel very grateful to them, my Lord," said I. But he paid
+no attention to my remark, and went on,--
+
+"If vengeance be all that a man looks for, probably the law of the
+land will do as much for him as the law of honor. You ruin a fellow,
+irretrievably ruin him, by an action of this kind. You probably remember
+Sir Gaybrook Foster, that ran off with Lady Mudford? Well, he had a
+splendid estate, did n't owe a shilling, they said, before that; they
+tell me now that some one saw him the other day at Geelong, croupier
+to a small 'hell.' Then there was Lackington, whom we used to call the
+'Cool of the Evening.'"
+
+"I never knew one of them, my Lord," said I, impatiently, for I did n't
+care to hear all the illustrations of his theory.
+
+"Lackington was older than you are," continued he, "when he bolted with
+that city man's wife,--what's his confounded name?"
+
+"I am shamefully ill-read, my Lord, in this kind of literature," said
+I, "nor has it the same interest for me that it seems to afford your
+Lordship. May I take the liberty of recalling your attention to the
+matter before us?"
+
+"I am giving to it, sir," said he, gravely, "my best and most careful
+consideration. I am endeavoring, by the aid of such information as is
+before me, to weigh the difficulties that attach to either course,
+and to decide for that one which shall secure to my friend Hampton the
+largest share of the world's sympathy and approval. I have seen a
+great deal of life, and all that I know of it teaches the one
+lesson,--distrust, rather than yield to, first impressions. Awhile ago,
+when I entered this room, I would have said to Hampton, 'Shoot him like
+a dog, sir.' Now, I own to you, Dodd, this is not the counsel I should
+give him. Now, understand me well, I neither acquit nor condemn you;
+circumstances are far too strong against you for the one, and I have not
+the heart to do the other."
+
+"This talking is dry work, my Lord," said I. "Shall we have a glass of
+wine?"
+
+"Willingly," said he, seating himself, and throwing his gloves into his
+hat, with the air of a man quite disposed to take his ease comfortably.
+
+Our host produced a flask of his inimitable Steinberger, and another
+of a native growth, to which he invited our attention, and left us to
+ourselves once more. We filled, touched our glasses, German fashion,
+drank, and resumed our converse.
+
+"If any man could have told me, twenty-four hours ago, that I should be
+sitting where I now find myself, and with _you_ for my companion, I'd
+have told him to his face he was a calumniator and a scoundrel! This
+time yesterday, Dodd, I 'd have put a bullet through you, myself."
+
+"You don't say that, my Lord?"
+
+"I do say, and repeat it, I believed you to be the greatest villain the
+universe contained. I thought you a monster of the foulest depravity."
+
+"Well, I 'm delighted to have undeceived you, my Lord."
+
+"You _have_ undeceived me!--I own to it. I believe, if I know anything,
+it is human nature. I have not been a deep student in other things, but
+in the heart of man I have read deeply. I know your whole history
+in this affair as well as if I was present at the events. You never
+intended seduction here."
+
+"Nothing of the kind, my Lord,--never dreamed of it!"
+
+"I know it; I know it. She got an influence over you,--she fascinated
+you,--she held you captive, Dodd. She mingled in your thoughts,--she
+became part of all your most secret cogitations. With that warm,
+impulsive nature of your country, you made no resistance,--you could
+make none. You fell into the net at once,--don't deny it I like you the
+better for it,--upon my life I do. Don't suppose that I 'm Archbishop of
+Canterbury or Dean of Durham, man."
+
+"I don't suspect, in the least," said I.
+
+"I'm no humbug of that kind," said be, resolutely. "I'm a man of the
+world, that just takes life as he finds it, and neither fancies that
+human nature is one jot better or worse than it is. Hampton goes and
+marries a girl of sixteen; she is very beautiful and very rich. What of
+that? She leaves him--and what becomes of the wealth and beauty? She is
+ruined,--utterly ruined! He has his action at law, and gets swingeing
+damages, of course. What's the use of that? Will twenty thousand--will
+forty--would a hundred thousand pounds serve to compensate him for a
+lost position in life, and the affection of that charming creature? You
+know it would not, sir. Don't affect hesitation nor doubt about it You
+know it would not."
+
+"That was n't what I was thinking of at all, my Lord. I was only
+speculating on the mighty small chance your friend would have of the
+money."
+
+"Do you mean to say, sir, that the jury would n't give it?"
+
+"Theory might, but Kenny Dodd wouldn't," said I.
+
+"The Queen's Bench, sir, or the Court of Exchequer, would take care
+of that. They 'd issue a 'Mandamus,'--the strongest weapon of our law;
+they'd sell to the last stick of your property; they'd take your wife's
+jewels,--the coat off your back--"
+
+"As to the jewels of Mrs. D.," says I, "and my own wardrobe, I 'm afraid
+they 'd not go far towards the liquidation."
+
+"They'd attach every acre of your estate."
+
+"Much good it would do them," said I. "We're in the Encumbered Court
+already."
+
+"Whatever your income may be derived from, they 're sure to discover
+it."
+
+"Faith!" said I, "I 'd be grateful to them for the information, for it's
+two months now since I beard from Tom Purcell, and I don't know where
+I'm to get a shilling!"
+
+"But what are damages, after all!" said he; "nothing, absolutely
+nothing!"
+
+"Nothing indeed!" said I.
+
+"And look at the misery through which a man most wade ere be attain to
+them. A public trial, a rule to show cause, a motion,--three or four
+thousand gone for that. The case heard at Westminster Hall,--forty-seven
+witnesses brought over special from different parts of the Continent, at
+from two guineas to ten per diem, and travelling expenses,--what money
+could stand it; and see what it comes to: you ruin some poor devil
+without benefiting yourself. That 's the folly of it! Believe me,
+Dodd, the only people that get any enjoyment out of these cases are the
+lawyers!"
+
+"I can believe it well, my Lord."
+
+"I know it,--I know it, sir," said he, fiercely. "I have already told
+you that I 'm no humbug. I don't want to pretend to any nonsense about
+virtue, and all that. I was once in my life--I was young, it is true--in
+the same predicament you now stand in. It won't do to speak of the
+parties, but I suspect our cases were very similar. The friend who
+acted for the husband happened to be one who knew all my family and
+connections. He came frankly to me, and said,--
+
+"'Bruce, this affair will come to a trial,--the damages will be laid at
+ten thousand,--the costs will be about three more. Can you meet that?'
+
+"'No,' said I, 'I 'm a younger son,--I 've got my commission in the
+Guards, and eight thousand in the "Three-and-a-Half's" to live on, so
+that I can't.'
+
+"'What _can_ you pay?' said he.
+
+"'I can stand two thousand,' said I, boldly.
+
+"'Say three,' said he,--'say three.'
+
+"And I said, 'Three be it,' and the affair was settled--an exposure
+escaped--a reputation rescued--and a clear saving of something like ten
+thousand pounds; and this just because we chanced both of us to be 'men
+of the world.' For look at the thing calmly; how should any of us have
+been bettered by a three days' publicity at Nisi Prius,--one's little
+tendernesses ridiculed by Thesiger, and their soft speeches slanged by
+Serjeant Wilkins. Turn it over in your mind how you may, and the same
+conclusion always meets you. The husband, it is true, gets less money;
+but then he has no obloquy. The wife escapes exposure; and the 'other
+party' is only mulct to one-fourth of his liability, and at the same
+time is exempt from all the ruffianism of the long robe! A vulgarly
+minded fellow might have said, 'What's the woman's reputation to _me?_
+I'll defend the action,--I'll prove this, that, and t'other. I'll engage
+the first counsel at the bar, and fight the battle out. I don't care a
+jot about being blackguarded before a jury, lampooned in the papers, and
+caricatured in the windows,' he might say; 'what signifies to _me_ what
+character I hold before the world,--I have neither sons nor daughters
+to suffer from my disgrace.' I know that all these and similar reasons
+might prompt a man of a certain stamp to regret this course, and say,
+'Be it so. Let there be a trial!' But neither _you_ nor _I_ Dodd, could
+see the matter in this light. There is this peculiarity about a man
+of the world, that not alone he sees rightly, but he sees quickly; he
+judges passing events with a kind of instinctive appreciation of what
+will be the tone of society generally, and he says to himself, 'There
+are doubtless elements in this question that I would wish otherwise.
+I would, perhaps, say _this_ is not exactly to my taste; I don't like
+_that_;' but whoever yet found that he broke his leg exactly in the
+right place? What man ever discovered that the toothache ever attacked
+the very tooth he wanted! I take it, Dodd, that you are a man who has
+seen a good deal of life; now did your heart ever bound with delight
+on seeing the outside of a bill of costs? or on hearing the well-known
+knock of a better known dun at your hall door? True philosophy consists
+in diminishing, so far as may be, the inevitable ills of life. Don't you
+agree with me?"
+
+"With the general proposition I do, my Lord; the question here is, how
+far the present case may be considered as coming within your theory.
+Suppose now, just for argument's sake, I was to observe that there
+was no similarity between our situations; that while _you_ openly avow
+culpability, _I_ as distinctly deny it."
+
+"You prefer to die innocent, Dodd?" said he, puffing his cigar coolly as
+he spoke.
+
+"I prefer, my Lord, to maintain the vantage ground that I feel under my
+feet. Had you been patient enough to hear me out, I could have explained
+to your perfect satisfaction how I came here, and why. I could have
+shown you a reason for everything that may possibly seem strange or
+mysterious--"
+
+"As, for instance, the assumption of a name and title that did not
+belong to you,--a fortnight's close seclusion to avoid discovery,--the
+sudden departure for Ems, and headlong haste of your journey here,--and,
+finally, the attitude of more than persuasive eloquence in which I
+myself saw you. Of course, to a man of an ingenious and inventive turn,
+all these things are capable of at least some approach to explanation.
+Lawyers do the thing every day,--some, with tears in their eyes, with
+very affecting appeals to Heaven, according to the sums marked on the
+outside of the briefs. If your case had been one of murder, I could have
+got you a very clever fellow who would have invoked divine vengeance on
+his own head in open court if he were not in heart and soul assured of
+your spotless innocence! But now please to bear in mind that we are not
+in Westminster Hall. We are here talking frankly and honestly, man to
+man,--sophistry and special pleading avail nothing; and here I candidly
+tell you, that, turn the matter how you will, the advice I have given
+is the only feasible and practicable mode of escaping from this
+difficulty."
+
+If you think me prolix, my dear Purcell, in narrating so
+circumstantially every part of this curious interview, just remember
+that I am naturally anxious to bring to bear upon _your_ mind the force
+of argument to which _mine_ at last yielded. It is very possible I may
+not be able to present these reasonings with all the strength and vigor
+with which they appealed to myself. I may--like a man who plays chess
+with himself--favor one side a little more than the other, or it is
+possible that I may seem weaker in my self-defence than I ought to have
+been. However you interpret my conduct on this trying occasion, give me
+the benefit of never having for a moment forgotten the fame and fortune
+of that lovely creature whose fate was in my hands, and whom I have
+rescued at a heavy price.
+
+I do not wish to impose upon you the wearisome task of reading all that
+passed between my Lord and myself. The whole correspondence would fill
+a blue book, and be about as amusing as such folios usually are. I 'll
+spare you, therefore, the steps of the negotiation, and merely give you
+the heads of the treaty:--
+
+"Firstly, Mr. G. H., by reason and in virtue of certain compensations
+to be hereafter stated, binds himself to consider Mrs. G. H. in all
+respects as before her meeting K. I. D., regarding her with the same
+feelings of esteem, love, and affection as before that event, and
+treating her with the same 'distinguished consideration.'
+
+"Secondly, K. I. D., on his part, agrees to give acceptances for two
+thousand pounds sterling, with interest at the rate of five per cent
+per annum on same till the time of payment. The dates to be at the
+convenience of K. I. D., always provided that the entire payment be
+completed within the term of five years from the present day.
+
+"Thirdly, K. I. D. pledges his word of honor never to dispute or contest
+his liability to the above debt, by any unworthy subterfuge, such as 'no
+value,' 'intimidation used,' or any like artifice, legal or otherwise,
+but accepts these conditions in all the frankness of a gentleman."
+
+Here follow the signatures and seals of the high contracting parties,
+with those of a host of witnesses on both sides. Brief as the articles
+read, they occupied several days in the discussion of them, during which
+Hampton retired to a village in the neighborhood, it not being deemed
+"etiquette" for us to inhabit the same town until the terms of a treaty
+had laid down our respective positions. These were my Lord's ideas,
+and you can infer from them the punctilious character of the
+whole negotiation. Lord Harvey dined and supped with me every day,
+breakfasting at Schweinstock with his principal. I thought, indeed, when
+all was finally settled, between us, that G. H. and I might have met and
+dined together as friends; but my Lord negatived the notion strongly.
+"Come, come, Dodd, you must n't be too hard upon poor Gore; it is not
+generous." And although, Tom, I cannot see the force of the observation,
+I felt bound to yield to it, rather than appear in any invidious or
+unamiable light. I, consequently, never met him during his stay in the
+neighborhood.
+
+Lord Harvey left this, about ten days ago, for Dresden. We parted the
+very best of friends, for with all his zeal for G. H., I must say that
+he behaved handsomely to me throughout; and in the matter of the bills,
+he at once yielded to my making the first for L500, at nine months,
+though he assured me it would be a great convenience to his friend if I
+could have said "six." I should have quitted this to join the family on
+the same day; but when I came to pay the hotel bill, I found that the
+dinners and champagne during the week of diplomacy had not left me five
+dollars remaining, so that I have been detained by sheer necessity;
+and partly by my own will, and partly by my host's sense of caution, my
+daily life has been gradually despoiled of its little enjoyments, till
+I find myself in the narrow circumstances of which this letter makes
+mention at the opening.
+
+From beginning to end, it would be difficult to imagine a more unlucky
+incident; nor do I believe that any man ever got less for two thousand
+pounds since the world began. You cannot say a severe thing to me that I
+have not said to myself; you cannot appeal to my age and my habits with
+a more sneering insolence than I am daily in the habit of doing; your
+very bitterest vituperations would be mild in comparison to one of my
+own soliloquies, so that, as a matter of _surplusage,_ spare me all
+abuse, and rather devote your loose ingenuities to assisting me out of
+my great embarrassments.
+
+I know well, that if we don't discover a gold-mine at Dodsborough, or
+fall upon a coal-shaft near Bruff, that I have no possible prospect to
+pay these bills; but as the first of them is nine months off, there
+is no such pressing emergency. The immediate necessity is, to send me
+enough to leave this place, and join Mrs. D. and the family. Write
+to me, therefore, at once, with a remittance, and mention where they
+are,--if still at Bonn, where I left them.
+
+You had also better write to Mrs. D.; in what strain, and to what
+purport, I must leave to your own ingenuity. As for myself, I know no
+more how to meet her, nor what mood to assume, than if I wore about to
+enter the cage of one of Van Amburgh's lions. Now I fancy that maybe a
+contrite, broken-hearted look would be best; and now I rather lean to
+the bold, courageous, overbearing tone! Heaven direct me to what is
+best, for I never felt myself so much in want of guidance!
+
+When you write to me, be brief; don't worry me with details of home, and
+inflict me with one of your national epistles about famine, and fever,
+and faction fights. I have no pity for anybody but myself just now, and
+I care no more for what's doing in Tipperary than if it was Canton. It
+will be time enough when I join the others to speculate upon whither
+we shall turn our steps, but my present thoughts tend to going back to
+Dodsborough. I wish from my soul that we had never left it, nor
+embarked in this infernal crusade after high society, education, and
+grandeur,--the vain pursuit of which leaves me to write myself, as I now
+do, your most miserable and melancholy friend,
+
+Kenny Dodd.
+
+P. S. I have a gold watch, made by Gaskin of Dublin about fifty years
+back; but it's so big and unwieldy that nobody would buy it, except for
+a town clock. The case of it alone would n't make a bad-sized covered
+dish, and I 'm sure the works are as strong as a French steam-engine;
+but what's the use of it all if I can't find a purchaser? I have already
+parted with my tortoiseshell snuff-box, that my grandmother swore
+belonged to Quintus Curtius; and the only family relic remaining to
+me is a bamboo sword-cane, the being possessed of which, if it became
+known, would subject me to three months' imprisonment in a fortress,
+with hard labor! If I were in Austria, the penalty is death; and maybe
+that same would be a mercy in my misfortunes.
+
+The only walk where I don't meet my duns is down by a canal,--a lonely
+path, with dwarf willows along it. I almost think I 'd have jumped in
+yesterday, if it was n't for the bull-frogs,--the noise they made drove
+me away from the place. Depend upon it, Tom, the Humane Society ought to
+get the breed for the Serpentine. It's only a most "determined suicide"
+could venture into their company! The chorus in "Robert le Diable" is a
+love ditty compared to them!
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXVI. MRS. DODD TO MR. PURCELL, OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+
+BADEN-BADEN.
+
+Dear Mr. Purcell,--Your letter is now before me, and if I did n't know
+the mark of your hand before, I 'd scarce believe the sentiments was
+yours. It well becomes you, one that but _one_ woman would ever accept
+of, to lecture the likes of me on the way I ought to treat my husband. A
+stingy old creature that sits croaking over an extra sod of turf on the
+fire, and counts out the potatoes to the kitchen, is not exactly the
+kind of authority to dictate laws to the respectable head of a family!
+I often suspected the nature of the advice you gave K. I., but I did n't
+think you 'd have the hardihood to come out with it _yourself_, and to
+_me!_ How much you must have forgotten both of us, it's mighty clear!
+
+Where did you get all the elegant expressions about K. I.'s "unavoidably
+prolonged absence," "the sacrifices exacted from friendship," "the
+generous ardor of a chivalrous nature," and the other fine balderdash
+you bestow upon your friend's disgraceful behavior? Do you know what you
+are talking about? Have you a notion about the affair at all? Answer me
+that. Are you aware that he is now two months and four days away without
+as much as a letter, except a bit of an impertinent note, once, to ask
+are we alive or dead, not a sixpence in cash, not a check, nor even a
+bill that we might try to get protested, or whatever they call it? I
+don't make any illusions to why he went, and what he went for. I would
+n't disgrace my pen with the subject, nor myself by noticing it; but,
+except yourself, in the brown wig and the black satin small clothes, I
+don't know one less suited to perform the "Lutherian." You are a nice
+pair, and I expect nothing less than to hear of yourself next! And
+you have the impudence to tell me that these are some of the "innocent
+freedoms of Continental life"! What do you know about them, I 'd beg to
+ask,--_you_, that never was nearer the Continent than Malahide? As to
+the innocent freedoms of the Continent, there's nobody can teach me
+anything; I see them before me in the day when I drive out, at the
+_table d'hote_ where I dine, and at every ball where they dance. Sweet
+innocence it is, indeed! and particularly when practised by the father
+of a grown-up family,--fifty-seven, he says, in June, but more likely
+sixty odd, for I know many of his co-trumperies, and nice young
+gentlemen they are too!
+
+You assure me that you sympathize sincerely with K. I. I 've no
+objection to that; he 'll need all the comfort it can give him when he
+comes home again, or I 'm much mistaken. With the help of the saints, I
+'ll teach him the differ between going off with a lady and living with
+his lawful wife. If he didn't know the distinction before, he shall now!
+And then you think to terrify me about the state of his health. It won't
+do, Mr. Tom Purcell. He 'll live to disgrace us this many a year. I
+know well what his constitution can bear, and what he calls the gout
+is neither more nor less than the outbreaks of his violent and furious
+temper! Never flatter yourself, therefore, that you can make any of us
+uneasy on that score; and if he comes back on a litter, it won't save
+him.
+
+Your "sincere regrets that we ever came abroad" are very elegantly
+expressed, and require all my acknowledgments. Is n't there anything
+else you are sorry for? Is n't it grief to you that we never caught the
+smallpox, or that James was n't transported for forgery? We ought to
+have stayed at Bruff; and, judging from the charms of your style, I have
+no doubt that we might have derived great benefit from your vicinity.
+
+You are eloquent, too, about expense; and add that you always believed
+that there was no economy in living abroad. Perhaps not, sir, if one
+unites foreign vices with home ones; but I beg to say, when we
+left Dodsborough, I, for one, never contemplated the cost of _two_
+establishments,--take that, Mr. Tom Purcell!
+
+I wonder at myself how I keep my temper, and condescend to argue with
+you about points on which an old bachelor, or widower (for it's the
+same), must necessarily be ignorant. Don't you perceive that for you to
+discourse on family matters is like a deaf man describing music?
+
+And you wind up about the privileges of old friendship, and so on! It's
+a new notion of friendship that makes a man impudent! Where did you ever
+hear that knowing people a long time was a reason for insulting them?
+As to your kind inquiries for the girls, I 'd have liked them as well if
+not coupled with those "natural fears" for the consequences of foreign
+contamination. Mary Anne and myself got a hearty laugh out of your
+terrors; and so I forgive your mention of them.
+
+James is quite well; and would, he says, be better, if that remittance
+you spoke of had arrived.
+
+You tell me that the McCarthy legacy is paid, and the money lodged at
+Latouche's. But what's the use of that? It's here I want it. Find out a
+safe hand, if you can, and send it over to me; for I 'm resolved to have
+nothing to do with bills as long as I live.
+
+And now I believe I have gone through the principal matters in your
+last, and I hope given you my ideas as clearly as your own. It may save
+you some time and stationery if I say that my mind is made up about
+K.I.; and if it was Queen Victoria was interceding for him, I'd not
+alter my sentiments. It's no use appealing "to the goodness of my heart,
+and the feminine sweetness of my nature;" all that you say on that head
+is only a warning to me not to let my weaknesses get the upper hand of
+me: a lesson I will endeavor to profit by, so long as I write myself,
+
+Your very obedient to command,
+
+Jemima Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXVII. MRS. DODD TO MRS. MARY GALLAGHER, HOUSEKEEPER, DODSBOROUGH
+
+Dear Molly,--I send you herewith a letter for Tom Pur-cell, which you
+'ll take care to deliver with your own hands. If you are by when he
+reads it, you 'll maybe perceive that it's not the "compliments of the
+season" I was sending him. He says he likes plain speaking, and I trust
+he is satisfied now.
+
+You are already aware of the barbarous manner K. I. has behaved. I 've
+told you how he deserted me and the family, and the disgrace that he has
+brought down upon us in the face of Europe; for I must observe to you,
+Molly, that whatever is talked of here goes flying over the whole world,
+and is the common talk of every Court on the Continent. I could fill
+chapters if I was to describe his wickedness and inhumanity. Well, my
+dear, what do you think! but in the face of all this Mr. Tom Purcell
+takes the opportunity to read me a long lecture on my "congenial"
+duties, and to instruct me in what manner I am to treat K. I. on his
+return.
+
+Considering what he knows of my character, Molly, I almost suspect that
+he might have spared himself this trouble. Did he, or did any one else,
+ever see me posed by a difficulty? When did any event take me unawares?
+Am I by nature one of those terrified creatures that get flurried
+by misfortune; or am I, by the blessing of Providence, gifted in a
+remarkable manner with great powers of judgment, matured by a deep
+knowledge of life, and a thorough acquaintance with the wickedness of
+the human heart? That's the whole question,--which am I? Is it after
+twenty-six years' studying his disposition and pondering over all his
+badness, that any one can come and teach me how to manage him? I know K.
+I. as I know my old slipper; and, indeed, one is worth about as much as
+the other! I have n't the patience--it would be too much to expect from
+any one--to tell you how beautifully Mister Tom discourses to me about
+the innocent freedoms of the Continent, and the harmless fragilities of
+female life abroad! Does the old sinner believe in his heart that black
+is white abroad? and would he have me think that what's murder in Bruff
+was only a justifiable hom'-a-side at Brussels? If he doesn't meau that,
+what does he mean? Maybe, to be sure, he 's one of the fashionable set
+that make out that the husband is always driven to some kind of vice or
+other by his wife's conduct! For, I must remark to you, Molly, there
+'s a set of people now in the world--they call themselves "The Peace
+Congress," I think--that say there must be no more wars, no fighting,
+domestically or nationally!
+
+Their notion is this: everybody is right, and nobody need quarrel
+with his neighbor, but settle any trifling disagreement by means of
+arbitration. Mister Tom is, perhaps, an arbitrator. Well, I hope he
+likes the office! Since I knew anything of life myself, I always found
+that if there was three people mixed up in a shindy there was no hope of
+settling it, on any terms.
+
+He says, K. I. is coming home. Let him come, says I. Let him surrender
+himself, Molly, and justice will take its course. That's all the
+satisfaction I 'll give either of them.
+
+"Don't be vindictive," says Mister Tom. Isn't that pretty language to
+use to me, I ask? Is the Chief Justice "vindictive," Molly, when he
+says, "Stand forward, and hear your sentence"? Is he behaving "unlike a
+Christian" when he says, "Use the little time that's left you in making
+your peace"?
+
+The old creature then goes on to quote Scripture to me, and talks about
+the prodigal son. "Very well," says I, "be it so. K. I. may be that if
+he likes, but I 'll not be the fatted calf,--that's all!" The fact is,
+Molly, I'm immutable as the Maids and Prussians. They may talk till they
+'re black in the face, but I 'll never forgive him!
+
+Would n't it be a nice example, I ask, to the girls, if I was to
+overlook K. I.'s conduct, and call it a "venal" offence? And this, too,
+when the eyes of all Europe is staring at us. "How will Mrs. D. take
+it?" says the Prince of this. "What will Mrs. D. say to him?" says the
+Duke of that "Does _she_ know it yet?" asks the Archduke of Moravia.
+That's the way they go on from morning till night; so that, in fact,
+Molly,--as Lord George observes,--"he is less of a private culprit than
+a great public malefactor."
+
+There's the way I am forced to look on the case; and think more of the
+good of society than of my family feelings.
+
+Such are my sentiments, Molly, after giving to the case a most patient
+and careful consideration; and it's little good in Tom Purcell's trying
+to oppose and obstruct me.
+
+If it were not for this unhappy event, I must own to you, Molly, that we
+never enjoyed ourselves anywhere more than we do here. It's a scene of
+pleasure and gayety all day,--and, indeed, all nightlong; and nothing
+but the anticipation of K. I. 's return could damp the ardor of our
+happiness. However it's managed, I can't tell; but the most elegant
+balls and entertainments are given here free and for nothing! Who keep
+up the rooms, pays for the lighting, the servants, and the refreshments,
+is more than I can say. All I know is, that your humble servant never
+contributed a sixpence to one of them. Lord George says that the Grand
+Duke is never happy except when the place is crammed; and that he 'd
+spend his last shilling rather than not see people amuse themselves.
+And there's a Frenchman, too,--a Mr. Begasset, or Benasset, or something
+like that,--who is so wild about amusement that he goes to any expense
+about the place, and even keeps a pack of hounds for the public.
+
+Contrast this, my dear Molly, with one of our little miserable
+subscription balls at home, where Dan Cassidy, the dancing-master, is
+driving about the country, for maybe three weeks, in his old gig, before
+he can scrape together a matter of six or seven pounds, to pay for
+mutton lights, two fiddles, and a dulcimer; and, after all, it's
+perhaps over the Bridewell we 'd be dancing, and the shouts of the dirty
+creatures below would be coming up at every pause of the music. Now,
+here, it's like a royal palace,--elegant lustres, with two hundred
+wax-lights in each of them,--a floor like glass. Ask Mary Anne if it
+isn't as slippery! The dress of the company actually magnificent! none
+of your little shabby-colored muslins, or Limerick lace; none of your
+gauze petticoats, worn over glazed calico, to look like satin, but
+everything real, Molly,--the lace, the silk, the satin, the jewels, the
+gold trimmings, the feathers,--all the best of the kind, and fresh as
+they came out of the shop. You don't see the white satin shoes with the
+mark of a man's foot on them, nor the satin body with four fingers and
+a thumb on the back of it, as you would at a Patrick's Ball in Dublin!
+Everything is new for each night.
+
+How Mary Anne laughs at the Irish notions of dress, of what they call in
+the "Evening Post," "a beautiful lama petticoat over a white satin slip!"
+or "a train of elegant figured tabinet." Why, Molly darling, you might
+as well wear a mackintosh, or go out in a suit of glazed alpaca
+cloth. Mary Anne says that the ball at the Castle of Dublin is like a
+tournament, where all the company dance in armor; and, indeed, when
+I think of the rattling of bead bracelets, false pearls, and Berlin
+necklaces, it rather reminds me of a hornpipe in fetters!
+
+I must confess to you, Molly, there 's nothing as low anywhere as
+Dublin, and latterly, when anybody asks Mary Anne or me if it's
+pleasant, we always say with a strong English accent, "Our military
+friends say, vastly, but we really don't know ourselves." Is n't that a
+pretty pass to be reduced to? But I 'm told that all the Irish, of any
+distinction, are obliged to do the same, and never confess to have seen
+more of Ireland than one does from the Welsh mountains. It's no want of
+patriotism makes me say this. I wish, with all my heart, that Ireland
+was a perfect paradise; and it's no fault of mine that Providence
+intended otherwise.
+
+If I was n't writing with my head so full of Tom Purcell and his late
+impudence, I 'd have plenty to tell you about the girls and James. Mary
+Anne is more admired than any girl here, and so would Cary, if she 'd
+only let herself be so; but she has got a short, snubby, tart kind of
+way with people, that never goes down abroad, where, as Lord G. says,
+"every cat plays with his claws covered."
+
+And as to Lord George himself, I wonder is it Mary Anne or Cary that
+he's after. I watch him day by day, and can make nothing of it; but sure
+and certain it is he means one of the two, and that is the reason why he
+left this suddenly the other morning for England, and saying,--
+
+"There 's no use letter-writing; I'll just dash over and have a talk
+with my governor."
+
+I would n't ask him about what, but I saw the way the girls looked down
+when he spoke, and that was enough to show me in what quarter the wind
+was blowing.
+
+I wish from my heart and soul the proposal would come before K. I. came
+back. I 'd like to have to show the superior way I have always managed
+the family affairs; for I need n't tell you, Molly, that _he_ never had
+an eye to the peerage for one of his daughters! but if he returns before
+it's settled, he 'll say that he had his share in it all! As to James,
+he is everything that a fond and doting mother could wish. Six feet two
+and a half,--he grew the half since he came here,--with dark eyes, and a
+pair of whiskers and moustaches that there's not the like here, dressed
+in the very top of the fashion, with opal and diamond studs to his shirt
+and waistcoat, and a black velvet paletot with turquoise buttons for
+evening wear. The whole room turns to look at him wherever he goes, for
+he walks along just for all the world as if he owned the place. You may
+suppose, my dear Molly, how little he resembles K. I.; and, indeed, I
+have heard many make the same remark when we were at Bonn.
+
+I made Mary Anne write me down a list of the great people here who have
+all called on us; but what 's the use of sending it, after all? You
+could n't pronounce them if they were before you! I send you, however, a
+bit I cut out of "Galignani's Messenger," where you 'll see that we are
+put down amongst the distinguished visitors as "Madame M'Carthy Dodd,
+family and suite!" James still thinks if K. I. would call himself
+"The O'Dodd," it would serve us greatly; and Mary Anne agrees with the
+opinion; and perhaps now, when he comes back under a cloud, as one may
+say, it may not be so difficult to make him give in. As James remarks,
+"Print it on your card, call out and shoot the first fellow that
+addresses you as Mr.--make it no laughing matter for anybody, before
+your face at least,--and the thing is done." Maybe we 'll live to see
+this yet, Molly, but I fear it won't be till Providence sends for K. I.
+
+I spoke rather sharply to Waters in my last; and I find now that the
+legacy is paid into Latouche's. Will you remind Purcell that to be of
+any use to me the money ought to be here? As to the Loan Fund, I wonder
+how you have the face to ask me for anything, knowing the way I 'm in
+for ready cash, and that I 'd rather borrow than lend any day. Tell
+Peter Belton, also, that I stop my subscription after this year to the
+Dispensary; and I am quite sure the old system of physic is nothing but
+legalized poisoning. Looking to the facilities of the country, and the
+natural habits of the people, I 'm convinced, Molly, that the water-cure
+is what you want in Ireland; and I 've half a mind to write a letter to
+one of the papers about it. Cheapness is the first requisite in a poor
+country; and any one can vouch for it, water is n't a dear commodity
+with you.
+
+Father Maher's remarks upon poor Jones M'Carthy is, I must say, very
+unfeeling; and I don't coincide with the conclusions he draws from them;
+for if he was half as bad as he says, masses will do him little good;
+and for a few thousand years, more or less, I can't afford to pay
+fifty pounds! Ask him, besides, is it reasonable that when the price of
+everything is falling, with Free-trade, that the old tariff of Purgatory
+is to be kept up still? That would be downright absurd! Priests, my dear
+Molly, must lower their rates, as the Protectionists do their rents:
+that's "one of the demands of the age, and can't be resisted." As
+Lord George says, "The Church, like the railroad people, fell into the
+mistake of lavish expenditure! Purgatory was like a station, and ought
+never to be made too costly. No one wants to live there: the most one
+requires is to be decently comfortable, till you can 'go on.' What's the
+use of fine furniture, elegant chairs and carpets? they 're clean thrown
+away in such a place." If Father Maher thinks that the remarks are not
+uttered in a respectful spirit, tell him he's wrong; for Lord G. and
+all his family are great Whigs, and intend to do more mischief to the
+Established Church than any party that ever was in power; and I
+must say, I never heard Father Maher abuse Protestants, bigotry, and
+intolerance more bitterly than Lord G. It is so seldom that one ever
+hears really liberal sentiments, or anything like justice to Ireland,
+I could listen to him for hours when he begins. If I 'm right in my
+conjecture about the object of his journey to London, it will be the
+making of James; since, once that we are connected with the aristocracy,
+Molly, there's nothing we cannot have; for, you see, the way is this:
+if you belong to the middle classes, they expect that you ought to have
+some kind of fitness for the occupation you look for; and they say,
+"This would n't suit you at all;" "That's not your line, in the least;"
+but when you are one of the "higher orders," there's, so to say, a
+general adaptiveness about you, and you can do anything they put before
+you, from ranging Windsor Forest to keeping a lighthouse! When one
+reflects upon that, it's no wonder that one of our great poets says,
+"Oh, bless," or "preserve"--I forget which--"our old nobility!"
+
+Go into any of the great public offices--the Foreign or the Colonial,
+for instance--and they tell me that such a set of incapable-looking
+creatures never was seen, with spy-glasses stuck in their eyes,
+airing themselves before a big fire, and reading the "Times;" and yet,
+Molly,--confess it we must,--the work is done somehow and by somebody.
+It reminds me of a paper-mill I once saw; and no matter how dirty and
+squalid the rags that went in, they came out "Beautiful fine wove," or
+"Bath extra."
+
+As to the questions in your last, I can't answer a tithe of them. You go
+on, letter after letter, with the same tiresome demand,--"Are we as much
+in love with the Continent as we were? Is it so cheap? Is the climate as
+fine as they say? Is there never any rain or wind at all? Is everybody
+polite and agreeable? Is there no such thing as backbiting or
+slandering? Are all the men handsome and brave, and all the women
+beautiful and virtuous?" This is but a specimen taken at random out
+of your late inquiries; and I 'd like to know that if even you gave me
+"notice of a question," as they do in the House, how could I satisfy
+you on these points? The most I can do is to say that there may be some
+slight exaggeration in one or two of these,--the rain, for instance, and
+the virtue,--but that, generally speaking, the rest is all true. I
+can be more explicit in regard to what you ask in your last
+postscript,--"After living so long abroad, can we ever come back to
+reside in Ireland?" Never, Molly, never! I make neither reserve nor
+qualification in my answer. _That_ would be clearly impossible! for it's
+not only that Ireland would be insupportable to us, but, as Mary Anne
+remarks, "we would be insupportable to the Irish." Our walk, our dress,
+our looks, our accent, our manner with men, and our way with women;
+the homage we 're used to; the respect we feel our due; the topics
+we discuss with freedom, and the range of our views generally over
+life,--would shock the whole population from Cape Clear to the Causeway.
+
+It's not easy for me to explain it to you, Molly; but, somehow,
+everything abroad is different from at home. Not only the things you
+talk of, but the way you talk of them, is quite distinct; and the whole
+world of men, morals, and manners have quite another standard! It is
+the same with one's thoughts as with their diet; half the things we like
+best are only what is called acquired tastes. Trouble enough we often
+have to learn them; but when once we do so, who'd be fool enough to go
+back upon his old ignorance again? High society and genteel manners,
+Molly, however you may like them when you are used to them, are just
+like London porter,--mighty bitter when you first taste it. I know there
+are plenty of people will tell you the contrary, and that they took
+to it naturally like mother's milk; but don't believe them, it's quite
+impossible it could be true.
+
+Once for all, I beg to tell you that there's no earthly use in
+tormenting and teasing us about the state the house is in at
+Dodsborough; how the roof is broken here, and the walls given way there.
+I trust sincerely that it may soon become perfectly uninhabitable, for I
+never wish to see it again! I often think it would n't be a bad plan for
+K. I. to go back and reside there. I 'm sure if he collected his rents
+himself, instead of leaving all to Tom Purcell, it would be "telling
+him something." You say that the country is getting disturbed again, and
+that they're likely to have a "sharp winter for the landlords;" but
+if it was the will of Providence anything should happen, I hope I have
+Christian feelings to support me! Indeed, I'm well used to trials now!
+It's a mistake, besides, Molly, to suppose that these--I hate to call
+them "outrages," as the newspapers do--these little outbreaks of the
+boys have any deep root in the country. The Orangemen, I know, would
+make them out as a regular system, and say that it's an organized
+society for murder; but it's no such thing. Father Maher himself told
+me that he spoke against it from the altar, and said: "What a pass the
+country has come to," says he, "that the poor laboring hard-working man
+has no justice to right him, except his own stout heart and strong
+arm!" What could he say more than that, Molly? But even these beautiful
+expressions did n't save him from the "Evening Mail"!
+
+The English are always boasting about their bravery and their courage,
+and so on; and when any one says, "Why don't you buy property in
+Ireland?" the answer is, "We 're afraid." I have heard it myself,
+Molly, with my own ears. But their ignorance is even worse than their
+cowardness, for if they only knew the people, they 'd see there was
+nothing to be frightened at. Sure, I remember myself, when we lived
+at Cloughmanus, Sam Gill came up to the house one morning, to say that
+there was two men come from below Lahinch to shoot K. I.
+
+"They have the passwords," says he, "and all the tokens, and though I
+'m, your honor's man, I was obliged to take them into my house and feed
+them."
+
+"It's a bad business, Sam," says he. "What are they to get for it?"
+
+"Five pound between them, sir,--if it's done complete."
+
+"Would they take three," says K. I., "and let me live?"
+
+"I don't know, sir; but, if you like, I'll ask them."
+
+"I would like it, indeed," says K. I.
+
+And down went Sam to the gate-house, and spoke to them. They were both
+decent, reasonable men, and agreed at once to the offer. The money was
+paid, and the two came up and ate a hearty breakfast at the house, and
+K. I. walked more than a mile of the road with them afterwards,--talking
+about the crops and the state of the country down westward,--and shook
+hands with them cordially at parting.
+
+Now, Molly, this is as true as the Bible, and yet there's people and
+there's newspapers call the Irish "Irreclaimable savages." It is as big
+a lie as ever was written! The real truth is, they don't know how,
+if they really wished, to reclaim them! And after all, how little
+reclaiming they need! To hear English people discuss Ireland, you 'd
+suppose that it was the worst part of Arabia Felix they were describing.
+But I have n't patience to go on; I fly out the moment I hear them, and
+faith they 're not proud of themselves when I 'm done.
+
+"I wish you were in the House, Mrs. Dodd," says one of them to me the
+other night.
+
+"I wish I was," says I; "if I would n't make it too hot for Slowbuck, my
+name isn't Jemima! for he's the one that abuses us most of all!" Well,
+I must say, we are well repaid for all the cruel treatment we receive at
+home, by the kindness and "consideration," as they call it, we meet with
+abroad! The minute a foreigner hears we 're Irish, he says, "Oh dear,
+how sorry we are for your sufferings; we never cease deploring your hard
+lot;" and to be sure, Molly, "wicked Old England," and the "Harlequin
+Flag," as Dan called it, come in for their share of abuse. Besides these
+advantages, I must remark that Catholics is greatly thought of on the
+Continent; for it is n't as in Ireland, where 's it's only the common
+people to mass. Here you may see royalty at their devotions. They sit in
+little galleries with glass windows, which they open every now and then,
+to take part in the prayers; and indeed, whatever rank and fashion is in
+the place, you 're sure to see it "at church;" mind, Molly, at church,
+for no educated Catholic even says "at mass."
+
+You want to hear "all about the converts to our holy faith," you say,
+but this is n't the place to get you the best information; but as I hope
+we 'll pass the winter in Italy, I 'll maybe be able to give you some
+account of them.
+
+Lord George tells me that the Pope makes Rome delightful to strangers;
+but whether it's "dinners" or "receptions," I don't know. At any rate, I
+conclude he doesn't give "balls."
+
+What a fuss they're making all over the world about these "rapparees,"
+or refugees, or whatever they call them. My notion is, Molly, that we
+who harbor them have the worst of the bargain; and as to our fighting
+for them, it would be almost as sensible as to take up arms in defence
+of a flea that got into your bed! Considering how plenty blackguards
+are at home, I think it's nothing but greediness in us to want to take
+Russian and Austrian ones! We have our own villains; and any one of
+moderate desires might be satisfied with them! These are Lord G.'s
+sentiments, but I 'm sure you like to hear the opinions of the
+aristocracy on all matters.
+
+What you say about Bony's marriage was the very thought that occurred to
+myself, and it was just the turn of a pin whether Mary Anne was n't at
+this moment Empress of France! Well, who knows what's coming, Molly!
+There's many a one, now in a private station, and mighty hard up for
+means, that will maybe turn out a King or a Grand-Duke before long. At
+any rate, no elevation to rank or dignity will ever make me forget my
+old friends, and yourself, the first of them. And with this, I subscribe
+myself,
+
+Yours ever affectionately,
+
+Jemima Dodd McCarthy.
+
+P. S. I 'll make one of the girls write to you next week, for I know I
+'ll be so much overcome by my feelings when K. I. arrives, that I 'll be
+quite incapable to take up my pen.
+
+I sometimes think that I 'll take to my bed, and be "given over."
+against the day of his coming; for you see there 's nothing gives such
+solemnity and weight to one's reproaches as their being last words. You
+can say such bitter things, Molly, when you are supposed to be too weak
+to bear a reply. But I 've done this once or twice before, and K. I. is
+a hardened creature.
+
+Lord G. says: "Treat him as if it were nothing at all, as if you saw him
+yesterday: don't give him the importance of having irritated you. Be a
+regular woman of fashion." If my temper would permit, perhaps this
+would be best of all; but have I a right to acquit a "great public
+malefactor"? That's a "case of conscience," Molly, that perhaps only the
+Church could resolve. The saints direct me!
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXVIII. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQUIRE, TRINITY COLLEGE,
+DUBLIN.
+
+My dear Bob,--It is quite true, I am a shameful correspondent, and your
+last three letters now before me, unanswered, comprise a tremendous
+indictment against me; but reflect for a moment, and you will see that
+in all complaints of this kind there is a certain amount of injustice,
+since it is hardly possible ever to find two people whose tastes,
+habite, and present circumstances place them on such terms of perfect
+equality that the interchange of letters is as easy for one as the
+other. Think over this for a moment, and you will perceive that sitting
+down at your quiet desk, in "No. 2, Old Square," is a different process
+from snatching a hurried moment amidst the din, the crash, and the
+conflict of life at Baden; and if _your_ thoughts flow on calmly,
+tinctured with the solemn influences around you, _mine_ as necessarily
+reflect an existence checkered by every rainbow hue of good or evil
+fortune.
+
+Be therefore tolerant of my silence and indulgent to my stupidity, since
+to transmit one's thoughts requires previously that you should think;
+and who can, or ever could, in a place like this? Imagine a winding
+valley, with wooded hills rising in some places to the height of
+mountains, in the midst of which stands a little village--for it is no
+more--nearly every house of which is a palace, some splendid hotel of
+France, Russia, or England. You pass from these by a shady alley to
+a little rustic bridge, over what might be, and very possibly is, an
+excellent trout-stream, and come at once in front of a magnificent
+structure, frescoed without and gilded and stuccoed within. "The Rooms,"
+the Temple of Fortune, the ordeal of destiny, Bob, is held here; and the
+rake of the croupier is the distaff of the Fate. Hither come flocking
+the representatives of every nation of the world, and of almost every
+class in each. Royalty, princely houses, and nobility with twenty
+quarterings, are jostled in the indiscriminate crowd with houseless
+adventurers, beggared spendthrifts, and ruined debauchees. All who can
+contribute the clink of their Louis d'or to the music are welcome
+to this orchestra! And women, too, fair, delicate, and lovely, the
+tenderest flowers that ever were nursed within domestic care, mixed up
+with others, not less handsome perhaps, but whose siren beauty is almost
+diabolic by comparison. What a babel of tongues, and what confusion
+of characters! The grandee of Spain, the escaped galley-slave, the
+Hungarian magnate, the London "swell," the old and hoary gambler with
+snow-white moustaches, and the unfledged minor, anticipating manhood by
+ruining himself in his "teens." All these are blended and commingled by
+the influence of play? and, differing as they do in birth, in blood, in
+lineage, and condition, yet are they members of one guild, associates
+of one society,--the gambling-table. And what a leveller is play! He who
+whispers in the ear of the Crown Prince yonder is a branded felon from
+the Bagnes de Brest; the dark-whiskered man yonder, who leans over the
+lady's chair, is an escaped forger; the Carlist noble is asking friendly
+counsel of a Christino spy; the London pickpocket offers his jewelled
+snuff-box to an Archduke of Austria. "How goes the game today?" cries
+a Neapolitan prince of the blood, and the question is addressed to
+a red-bearded Corsican, whose livelihood is a stiletto. "Is that the
+beautiful Countess of Hapsburg?" asks a fresh-looking Oxford man; and
+his friend laughingly answers: "Not exactly; it is Mademoiselle Varenne,
+of the Odeon." The fine-looking man yonder is a Mexican general, who
+carried off the military chest from Guanaguato; the pompous little
+fellow beside him is a Lucchese count, who stole part of the Crown
+jewels of his sovereign; the long-haired, broad-foreheaded man, with
+open shirt-collar, so violently denouncing the wrongs of injured Italy,
+is a Russian spy; and the dark Arab behind him is a Swiss valet, more
+than suspected of having murdered his master in the Mediterranean.
+Our English contingent embraces lords of the bedchamber, members of
+Parliament, railroad magnates, money-lending attorneys, legs, swells,
+and swindlers, and a small sprinkling of University men, out to read
+and be ruined,--the fair sex, comprising women of a certain fast set in
+London, divorced countesses, a long category of the widow class, some
+with daughters, some without. There is an abundance of good looks,
+splendid dress, and money without limit! The most striking feature of
+all, however, is the reckless helter-skelter pace at which every one is
+going, whether his pursuit be play, love, or mere extravagance. There
+is no such thing as calculation,--no counting the cost of anything. Life
+takes its tone from the tables, and where, as wealth and beggary succeed
+each other, so does every possible extreme of joy and misery, people
+wager their passions and their emotions exactly as they do their
+bank-notes and their gold pieces. Chance, my dear Bob,--chance is
+ten times a more intoxicating liquor than champagne, and once take to
+"dramming" with fortune, and you may bid a long adieu to sobriety! I do
+not speak here of the terrible infatuation of play, and the almost utter
+impossibility of resisting it, but I allude to what is infinitely worse,
+the certainty of your applying play theories and play tactics to every
+event and circumstance of real life.
+
+The whole world becomes to you but one great green cloth, and everything
+in it a question of luck! Will the bad run continue here? Will good
+fortune stand much longer to you? These are the questions ever rising
+to your mind. You grow to regard yourself as utterly powerless and
+impassive; a football at the toe of Destiny! I think I see your eyebrows
+upraised in astonishment at these profound reflections of mine. You
+never suspected me of moralizing, nor, shall I own it, was I aware
+myself that I had any genius that way. Shall I tell you the secret,
+Bob,--shall I unlock the mysterious drawer of hidden motives for you? It
+is this, then: I have been a tremendously heavy loser at Rouge-et-Noir!
+As long as luck lasted, which it did for three weeks or more, I enjoyed
+this place with a zest I cannot describe to you. The moralists tell us
+that prosperity hardens the heart; I cannot believe it. I know at least,
+that in my brief experience I never felt such a universal tenderness for
+everything and everybody. I seemed to live in an atmosphere of beauty,
+luxury, and splendor; every one was courteous; all were amiable! It
+was not alone that fortune favored me, but I appeared to have the good
+wishes of all beholders; words of encouragement murmured around me as I
+won; soft bewitching glances beamed over at me, as I raked up my gold.
+The very banker seemed to shovel out the shining pieces to me with a
+sense of satisfaction! Old veterans of the tables peeped over me to
+watch my game, and exclamations of wonder and admiration broke forth
+at each new moment of my triumphs! I don't care what it may be that
+constitutes the subject of display: a great speech in the House, a
+splendid picture at the Gallery, a novel, a song, a spirited lecture, a
+wonderful feat of strength or horsemanship; but there is an inward
+sense of intoxication in being the "cynosure of all eyes"--the "one in
+a thousand"--that comes very nigh to madness! Many a time have I screwed
+up my hunter to a fence--a regular yawner--that I knew in my heart was
+touch-and-go with both of us, simply because some one in the crowd said,
+"Look how young Dodd will do it" I made some smashing ventures at
+the "tables," under pretty similar promptings, and, I must say, with
+splendid success.
+
+"Are you always so fortunate?" asked a royal personage, with a courteous
+smile towards me.
+
+"And in everything?" sighs a gentle voice, with a look of such
+bewitching softness that I forgot to take up my stake, and see it remain
+on the board to double itself the next deal.
+
+Besides all this, there is a grand magnificence in all your notions
+under the access of sudden wealth. You give orders to your tradespeople
+with a Jove-like omnipotence. You revel in the unbounded realms of
+"I will." What signifies the cost of anything,--the most gorgeous
+entertainment? It is only adding twenty Naps, to your next bet! That
+rich bracelet of rubies--pshaw!--it is to be had for the turn of a card!
+In a word, Bob, I felt that I had fallen upon the "Bendigo Diggins,"
+without even the trouble of the search! I wanted fifty Naps, for
+a caprice, and strolled in to win them, as coolly as though I were
+changing a check at my banker's!
+
+"Come, Jim, be a good fellow, and back me this time; I 'm certain to win
+if you do," whispers a young lord, with fifteen thousand a year.
+
+"Which side is Dodd on?" asked an old peer, with his purse in his hand.
+
+"How I should like to win eighty Louis, and buy that roan Arab,"
+whispers Lady Mary to her sister.
+
+"I 'd rather spend the money on that opal brooch," murmurs the other.
+
+"Egad! if I win this time, I 'll start for my regiment to-night,"
+mutters a pale-looking sub., with a red spot in one cheek, and eyes
+lustrous as if on fire.
+
+Fancy the power of him who can accomplish these, and a hundred like
+longings, without a particle of sacrifice on his own part! Imagine, my
+dear Bob, the conscious rule and sway thus suggested, and ask yourself
+what ecstasy ever equalled it! I possessed all that Peter Schlemihl
+did, and had n't to give even my "shadow" in return. During these three
+glorious weeks, I gave dinners, concerts, and suppers, commanded plays,
+bespoke operas, patronized humbugs of all kinds, and headed charities
+without number. As to presents of jewelry, I almost fancied myself a
+kind of distributing agent for Storr and Mortimer.
+
+The hotel stables were filled with animals of all kinds belonging to
+me,--dogs, donkeys, horses, Spanish mules, and a bear; while every shape
+and description of equipage crammed the coach-houses and the courtyard.
+One of these, with a single wheel in front, and great facilities for
+upsetting behind, was invented by a Baden artist, and most flatteringly
+and felicitously called "Le Dod." Wasn't that fame for you, my boy?
+Think of going down to posterity on noiseless wheels and patent
+axles! Fancy being transmitted to remote ages on C springs and elastic
+cushions! Such was the rage for my patronage that an ingenious cutler
+had dubbed a newly invented forceps by my name, and I was introduced
+into the world of surgery as a torture.
+
+Now for the obverse of the medal. It was on that un-luckiest of all
+days--a Friday--that fortune changed with me. I had lain all the morning
+abed, after being up the whole night previous, and only went down to
+"the Rooms" in the evening. As usual, I was accompanied by my train of
+followers, lords, baronets, M. P.s, foreign counts and chevaliers,--for
+I went to the field like a general, with his full staff around him! You
+'ll scarcely believe me when I tell you, Bob, but I say it in all truth
+and seriousness, that so long as my star was in the ascendant, so long
+as my counsels were what Homer would call "wealth-bestowing words,"
+there was not an opinion of mine upon any subject, no matter how great
+my ignorance of it might have been, that was not listened to with
+deference and repeated with approval. "Dodd said so yesterday," "I hear
+Dodd thinks highly of it," "Dodd's opinion is unfavorable," and so on,
+were phrases that rang around me from every group I passed, and from
+the "odds on the Derby" to the "division on the Budget," there was a
+profound impression that my sentiments were worth hearing.
+
+The pleasantest talkers in Europe, the wittiest conversera that ever
+convulsed a dinner-party with laughter, would have been deserted and
+forsaken to hear _me_ hold forth, whether the theme was art, literature,
+law and politics, or the drama, or any other you please to mention, and
+of which my ignorance was profound. My luck was unfailing. "Dodd never
+loses," "Dodd has only to back it,"--these were the gifts which all
+could acknowledge and profit by, and these no man undervalued or denied.
+
+"Benasset"--this was the proprietor of the tables--"has been employing
+his time profitably, Dodd, during your absence. He has made a great
+morning of it,--cleared out the old Elector, and sent the Margraf of
+Ragatz penniless to his dominions." This was the speech that met me as I
+entered the door, and a general all hail followed it.
+
+"Now you 'll see some smart play," whispered one to his newly come
+friend. "Here 's young Dodd; we shall have some fun presently." Amid
+these and similar murmurings I approached the tables, at which a place
+for me was speedily made, for my coming was regarded by the company as a
+good augury.
+
+I could dwell long upon the sensations that then thronged my brain; they
+were certainly upon the whole highly pleasurable, but not unmixed with
+some sadness; for I already was beginning to feel a kind of contempt
+for my worshippers, and for myself too, as the unworthy object of their
+devotion. This scorn had not much leisure granted for its indulgence,
+for the cards were now presented to me for "the cut," and the game
+began.
+
+As usual, my luck was unbroken. If I had doubled my stake, or by caprice
+withdrew it altogether, it was the same. Fortune seemed to wait upon my
+orders. Revelling in a kind of absolutism over fate, I played a thousand
+pranks with luck, and won,--won on, as if to lose was an impossibility.
+What strange fancies crossed my mind as I sat there,--vague fears,
+shadowy terrors of the oddest kind, wild, dreamy, and undefined! Visions
+of joy and misery; orgies, mad and furious with mirth, and agonizing
+sights of misery, thoughts of men who had made compacts with the
+Fiend, and the terrors that beset them in the midst of their voluptuous
+abandonment; Belshazzar at his feast; Faust on the Brocken,--rose to my
+mind, and I almost started up and fled from the table at one moment,
+so impressed was I by these images! Would that I had! Would that I
+had listened to that warning whisper of my good genius that was then
+admonishing me!
+
+My revery had become such at last that I really never saw nor heard what
+went on about me. You can picture my condition to yourself when I
+say that I was only recalled to self-possession by loud and incessant
+laughter, that rang out on every side of me. "What 's the matter,--what
+has happened?" cried I, in amazement. "Don't you perceive, sir," said
+a bystander, "that you have broken the bank, and they are waiting for a
+remittance to continue the play?"
+
+[Illustration: 384]
+
+So it was, Bob; I had actually won their last Napoleon, and there I sat
+pushing my stake mechanically into the middle of the table, and raking
+it up again, playing an imaginary game, to the amusement of that motley
+crowd, who looked on at me with screams of laughter. I laughed, too,
+when I came to myself. It was such a relief to me to join, even for a
+moment, in any feeling that others experienced!
+
+The money came at last. Two strongly clasped, heavily ironed coffers
+were borne into the room by four powerful men. I watched them with
+interest as they unlocked and poured forth their shining stores; for in
+imagination they were already my own. I believe at that moment, if any
+one had offered to assure me the winning of them "for fifty Naps.," that
+I should have rejected the proposal with disdain, so impossible did it
+seem to me that luck could desert me! Do you know, Bob, that what most
+interested me at the time was the varied expressions displayed by the
+company at sight of the gorgeous treasure before them? It was strange
+to mark how little all their good breeding and fine manners availed to
+repress vulgarity of thought and feeling, for there was greed or envy or
+hatred, or some inordinate passion or other, on every face around; looks
+of mild and gentle meaning became dashed with a half ferocity; venerable
+old age grew fretful and impatient; youth lost its frank and careless
+bearing; and, in fact, gain, and the lust of gain, was the predominant
+and overbearing thought of every mind, and wish of every heart! I pledge
+you my word, there was more animal savagery in the expressions on all
+sides than ever I saw on a pack of yelping fox-hounds when the huntsman
+held up the fox in the midst of them. It was the comparison that came
+to my mind at the moment, and I repeat it, with the reservation that the
+dogs behaved best.
+
+There was an old careworn, meanly dressed man, with a faded blue ribbon
+in his button-hole, seated in the place I usually occupied, and he arose
+to give it to me with that mingled air of reluctance and respect which
+it is so bard to resist. His manner seemed to say, "I am too poor and
+too humble to contest the matter, but I 'd remain here if I could."
+
+"So you shall, then," said I to myself, and pushed him gently down upon
+the seat again.
+
+"By Jove! the old fellow has got the lucky place," cried one in the
+crowd behind me.
+
+"Hang we, if Dodd has n't given up his old chair!" said another.
+
+"I 'd rather have had _that_ seat," exclaimed a third, "than one at the
+India Board."
+
+But I only laughed at these absurd superstitions,--as though it were the
+spot, and not myself, that Fortune loved to caress! As if to resent the
+foolish credulity, I threw a heavy bet on the table, and lost it! Again
+and again I did the same, with the like result; and now a murmur ran
+through the room that luck had turned with me. I had given up my winning
+seat, and was losing at every turn of the cards.
+
+"Let _me_ have a peep at him," I beard one whisper to his friend behind.
+"I 'd like to see how he bears it!"
+
+"He loses remarkably well," muttered the other.
+
+"Admirably!" said another. "He seems neither confident nor impatient; I
+like the way he stands it."
+
+"Egad, his hand trembles, though! He tore that banknote in trying to get
+it out of his fingers!"
+
+"His hand is hot, too,--see how the Louis stick to it!"
+
+"They 'll not do so very long, depend on 't," said a close-shaved,
+well-whiskered fellow, with a knowing eye; and the remark met an
+approving smile from the bystanders.
+
+"I have just added up his last fifteen bets," said a young man to a lady
+on his arm, "and what do you think he has lost? Forty-eight thousand
+francs,--close on two thousand pounds!"
+
+"Quite enough for one evening!" said I, with a smile towards him, which
+made both himself and his friend blush deeply at being overheard; and
+with this I shut up my pocket-book, and strolled away from the tables
+into another room, where there were chess and whist players. I took a
+chair, and affected to watch the game with interest, my heart at the
+moment throbbing as though it would burst through my chest. Don't
+mistake, Bob, and fancy it was the accursed thirst for gold that
+enthralled me. I swear to you that mere gain, mere wealth, never entered
+into my thought at that moment. It was the gambler's lust--to be
+the victor, not to be beaten--that was the terrible passion that
+now struggled and stormed within me! I 'd like to have staked a
+limb--honor--happiness--life itself--on the issue of a chance; for I
+felt as though it were a duel with destiny, and I could not quit the
+ground till one of us should succumb!
+
+How poor and unsatisfying seemed the slow combinations of skill, as
+I watched the chess-players! What miserable minuteness, what petty
+plottings for small results!--nothing grand, great, or decisive! It was
+like being bled to death from some wretched trickling vessel, instead
+of meeting one's fate gloriously, amidst the roar of artillery and the
+crash of squadrons!
+
+I lounged into the _salons_ where they dance; it was a very brilliant
+and a very beautiful assembly. There were faces and figures there that
+might have proved attractive to eyes more critical than my own. My
+sudden appearance amongst them, too, was rapturously welcomed. I was
+already a celebrity; and I felt that amidst the soft glances and beaming
+smiles around me, I had but to choose out her whom I would distinguish
+by my attentions. My mother and the girls came to me with pressing
+entreaties to take out the beautiful Countess de B., or to be presented
+to the charming Marchioness of N. There was a dowager archduchess who
+vouchsafed to know me. Miss Somebody, with I forget how many millions in
+the funds, told Mary Anne she might introduce me. Already the master
+of the ceremonies came to know if I preferred a mazurka or a waltz. The
+world was, so to say, at my feet; and, as is usual at such moments, I
+kicked it for being there. In plain English, Bob, I saw nothing in
+all that bright and brilliant crowd but scheming mammas and designing
+daughters; a universal distrust, an utter disbelief in everything
+and everybody, had got bold of me. Whatever I could n't explain, I
+discredited. The ringlets might be false; the carnation might be rouge;
+the gentle timidity of manner might be the cat-like slyness of the
+tiger; the artless gayety of heart, the practised coquetry of a
+flirt,--ay, the very symmetry that seemed perfection, might it not be
+the staymaker's! Play had utterly corrupted me, and there was not one
+healthy feeling, one manly thought, or one generous impulse left within
+me! I left the room a few minutes after I entered it. I neither danced
+nor got presented to any one; but after one lounging stroll through the
+_salons_ I quitted the place, as though there was not one to know, not
+one to speak to! I have more than once witnessed the performance of this
+polite process by another. I have watched a fellow making the tour of
+a company, with a glass stuck in his eye, and his hand thrust in
+his pocket. I have tracked him as he passed on from group to group,
+examining the guests with the same coolness he bestowed on the china,
+and smiling his little sardonic appreciation of whatever struck him as
+droll or ridiculous; and when he has retired, it has been all I could do
+not to follow him out, and kick him down the stairs at his departure.
+I have no doubt that my conduct on this occasion must have inspired
+similar sentiments; nor have I any hesitation in avowing that they were
+well merited.
+
+[Illustration: 388]
+
+When I reached the open air I felt a delicious sense of relief. It was
+so still, so calm, so tranquil! a bright starlit summer's night, with
+here and there a murmuring of low voices, a gentle laugh, beard amongst
+the trees, and the rustling sounds of silk drapery brushing through
+the alleys,--all those little suggestive tokens that bring up one's
+reminiscences of
+
+     "Those odorous boon
+     In jasmine bowers,
+     Or under the linden tree!"
+
+But they only came for a second, Bob, and they left not a trace behind
+them. The monotonous rubric of the croupier rang ever through my
+brain,--"Faites votre jeu, Messieurs! "--"Messieurs, faites votre jeu!"
+The table, the lights, the glittering gold, the clank of the rake, were
+all before me, and I set off at full speed to the hotel, to fetch more
+money, and resume my play.
+
+I 'll not weary you with a detail, at every step of which I know that
+your condemnation tracks me. I re-entered the play-room, secretly and
+cautiously; I approached the table stealthily; I hoped to escape all
+observation,--at least, for a time; and with this object I betted small
+sums, and attracted no notice. My luck varied,--now inclining on this
+side, now to that. Fortune seemed as though in a half-capricious mood,
+and as it were undetermined how to treat me. "This comes of my own
+miserable timidity," thought I; "when I was bold and courageous, she
+favored me. It is the same in everything. To win, one must venture."
+
+There was a vacant place in front of me; a young Hungarian had just
+quitted it, having lost his last "Louis." I immediately took it. The
+card on which he had been marking the chances of the game still lay
+there. I took it up, and saw that he had been playing most rashly; that
+no luck could possibly have carried a man safely through such a system
+as he had followed.
+
+I must let you into a little secret of this game, Bob, and do not be
+incredulous of my theory, because my own case is a sorry illustration of
+it. Where all men fail at Rouge-et-Noir, is from temper. The loser makes
+tremendous efforts to repair his losses; the winner grows cautious with
+success, and diminishes his stake. Now the wise course is, play low when
+you see Fate against you, and back your luck to the very limit of the
+bank. You ask, perhaps, "How are you to ascertain either of these facts?
+What evidence have you that Fortune is with or against you?" As you are
+not a gambler, I cannot explain this to you. It is part of the masonry
+of the play-table, and every one who risks heavily on a chance knows
+well what are the instincts that guide him.
+
+I own to you, that though well aware of these facts, and thoroughly
+convinced that they form the only rules of play, I soon forgot them
+in the excitement of the game, and betted on, as caprice, or rather
+as passion, dictated. We Irish are bad stuff for gamblers. We have the
+bull-dog resistance of the Englishman,--his stern resolve not to
+be beaten,--but we have none of his caution or reserve. We are as
+impassioned as the men of the South, but we are destitute of that
+intense selfishness that never suffers an Italian to peril his all. In
+fact, as an old Belgian said to me one night, we make bad winners and
+worse losers,--too lavish in one case, too reckless in the other.
+
+I am not seeking excuses for my failure in my nationality. I accept
+the whole blame on my own shoulders. With common prudence I might have
+arisen that night a large winner; as it was, I left the table with a
+loss of nigh three thousand pounds. Just fancy it, Bob,--five thousand
+pounds poorer than when I strolled out after luncheon. A sum
+sufficient to have started me splendidly in some career,--the army, for
+instance,--gone without enjoyment, even without credit; for already
+the critics were busily employed in analyzing my "play," which they
+unanimously pronounced "badly reasoned and contemptible." There remained
+to me still--at home in the hotel, fortunately--about eight hundred
+pounds of my former winnings, and I passed the night canvassing with
+myself what I should do with these. Three or four weeks back I had
+never given a second thought to the matter,--indeed, it would never have
+entered my head to risk such a sum at play; but now the habit of winning
+and losing heavy wages, the alternations of affluence and want, had
+totally mastered all the calmer properties of reason, and I could
+entertain the notion without an effort. I 'll not tire you with my
+reasonings on this subject. Probably you would scarcely dignify them
+with the name. They all resolved themselves into this: "If I did not
+play, I 'd never win back what I lost; if I did, I _might_." My mind
+once made up to this, I began to plot how I should proceed to execute
+it I resolved to enter the room next day just as the table opened, at
+twelve o'clock. The players who frequented the room at that hour were
+a few straggling, poor-looking people, who usually combined together to
+make up the solitary crown-piece they wished to venture. Of course I had
+no acquaintances amongst them, and therefore should be free from all
+the embarrassing restraints of observation by my intimates. My judgment
+would be calmer, my head cooler, and, in fact, I could devote myself to
+the game with all my energies uncramped and unimpeded.
+
+Sharp to the moment of the clock striking twelve, I entered the room.
+One of the croupiers was talking to a peasant-girl at the window. The
+other, seated on a table, was reading the newspaper. They both looked
+astonished at seeing me, but bowed respectfully, not, however, making
+any motion to assume their accustomed places, since it never occurred
+to them that I could have come to play at such an hour of the morning. A
+little group, of the very "seediest" exterior, was waiting respectfully
+for when it might be the croupiers' pleasure to begin, but the
+functionaries never deigned to notice them.
+
+"At what hour are the tables opened?" asked I, as if for information.
+
+"At noon, Monsieur le Comte," said one of the croupiers, folding up
+his paper, and producing the keys of the strongbox; "but, except
+these worthy people,"--this he said with a most contemptuous air
+of compassion,--"we have no players till four, or even five, of the
+afternoon."
+
+"Come, then," said I, taking a seat, "I 'll set the virtuous fashion of
+early hours. There go twenty Naps, for a beginning."
+
+The dealer shuffled the cards. I cut them, and we began. _We_ I say;
+because I was the only player, the little knot of humble folk gathering
+around me in mute astonishment, and wondering what millionnaire they had
+before them. If I had not been too deeply engaged in the interest of the
+game, I should have experienced the very highest degree of entertainment
+from the remarks and comments of the bystanders, who all sympathized
+with me, and made common cause against the bank.
+
+Some of them were peasants, some were small shopkeepers from distant
+towns,--the police regulations exclude all natives of Baden, it being
+the Grand-Ducal policy only to pillage the foreigner,--and one, a
+half-starved, decrepit old fellow, had been a professor of something
+somewhere, and turned out of his university to starve for having
+broached some liberal doctrines in a lecture. He it was who watched me
+with most eager intensity, following every alternation of my game with
+a card and a pin. At the end of about an hour I was winner of something
+more than two hundred pounds, and I sat betting on, my habitual stake of
+five, or sometimes ten "Naps." each time.
+
+"Get up and go away now," whispered the old man in my ear. "You have
+done enough for once,--gained more in this brief hour than ever I did in
+any two years of hard labor."
+
+"At what trade did you work?" asked I, without raising my head from my
+game.
+
+"My faculty was the 'Pandects,'" replied he, gravely; "but I lectured in
+private on history, philology, and chemistry."
+
+Shocked at the rudeness of my question to one in his station, I muttered
+some half-intelligible excuse; but he did not seem to suspect any
+occasion for apology,--never recognizing that he who labored with head
+could arrogate over him who toiled with his hands.
+
+"There, I told you so," broke he in, suddenly. "You will lose all back
+again. You play rashly. The runs of the game have been 'triplets' and
+_you_ bet on to the fourth time of passing."
+
+"So, then, you understand it!" said I, smiling, and still making my
+stake as before.
+
+"Let the deal pass; don't bet now," whispered he, eagerly.
+
+"Herr Ephraim, I have warned you already," cried the croupier, "that
+if you persist in disturbing the gentlemen who play here, you will be
+removed by the police."
+
+The word "police"--so dreadful to all German ears--made the old man
+tremble from bead to foot; and he bowed twice or thrice in hurried
+submission, and protested that he would be more cautious in future.
+
+"You certainly do not exhibit such signs of good fortune on your own
+person," said the croupier, "that should entitle you to advise and
+counsel others."
+
+"Quite true, Herr Croupier," assented he, with an attempt to smile.
+
+"Besides that, if you reckon upon the Count's good nature to give you
+a trifle when the game is over, you 'll certainly merit it better by
+silence and respect now."
+
+The old man's face became deep scarlet, and then as suddenly pale. He
+made an effort to say something; but though his hands gesticulated,
+and his lips moved, no sounds were audible, and with a faint sigh he
+tottered back and leaned against the wall. I sprang up and placed him
+in a chair, and, seeing that he was overcome by weakness, I called for
+wine, and hastily poured a glassful down his throat. I could not induce
+him to take a second, and he seemed, while expressing his gratitude, to
+be impatient to get away and leave the place.
+
+"Shall I see you home, Herr Ephraim?" said I; "will you allow me to
+accompany you?"
+
+"On no account, Herr Graf," said he, giving me the title he had heard
+the croupier address me by. "I can go alone; I am quite able, and--I
+prefer it."
+
+"But you are too weak, far too weak to venture by yourself,--is he
+not so?" said I, turning to the croupier to corroborate my words. A
+strangely significant raising of the eyebrow, a sort of--I know not
+what--meaning, was all the reply he made me; and half ashamed of the
+possibility of being made the dupe of some practised impostor, I drew
+nigh the table for an explanation.
+
+"What is it? what do you mean?" asked I, eagerly.
+
+A shrug of the shoulders and a look of pity was his answer.
+
+"Is he a hypocrite?--is he a cheat?" asked I.
+
+"Perhaps not exactly _that_," said he, shuffling the cards.
+
+"A drunkard,--does he drink, then?" asked I.
+
+"I have never heard so," said he.
+
+"Then what has he done?--what is he?" cried I, impatiently.
+
+He made a sign for me to come close, and then whispered in my ear what
+I have just told you, only with a voice full of holy horror at the crime
+of a man who had dared to have an opinion not in accordance with that of
+a Police Prefect! That he--a man of hard study and deep reading--should
+venture to draw other lessons from history than those taught at
+drum-heads by corporals and petty officers!
+
+"Is that all?--is that all?" asked I, indignantly.
+
+"All all!" exclaimed he; "do you want more?"
+
+"Why, these things may possibly interest police spies, but they have no
+imaginable concern for me."
+
+"That is precisely what they have, sir," said he, hastily, and in a
+still more cautious tone. "You could not show that miserable man a
+kindness without its attracting the attention of the authorities. They
+never could be brought to believe mere humanity was the motive, and they
+would seek for some explanation more akin to their daily habits. As an
+Englishman, I know your custom is to treat these things haughtily, and
+make every personal insult of this kind a national question; but the
+inconvenience of this course will track you over the whole Continent.
+Your passport will be demanded here, permission refused you to remain
+there. At one town your luggage will be scrutinized, at another, your
+letters opened. I conclude you come abroad to enjoy yourself. Is this
+the way to do it? At all events, he is gone now," added he, looking down
+the room, "and let's think no more of him. Messieurs, faites votre jeu!"
+and once more rang out the burden of that monotonous injunction to ruin
+and beggary!
+
+I was n't exactly in the mood for high play at the moment; on the
+contrary, my thoughts were with poor Ephraim and his sorrows; but, for
+very pride's sake, I was obliged to seem indifferent and at ease. For I
+must tell you, Bob, this cold, impassive bearing is the high breeding
+of the play-table, and to transgress it, even for an instant, is a gross
+breach of good manners. I have told you my mind was preoccupied; the
+results were soon manifest in my play. Every "coup" was ill-timed. I was
+always on the wrong color, and lost without intermission.
+
+"This is not your 'beau moment,' Monsieur le Comte," said the croupier
+to me, as he raked in a stake I had suffered to quadruple itself by
+remaining. "I should almost say, wait for another time!"
+
+"Had you said so half an hour ago," replied I, bitterly, "the counsel
+might have been worth heeding. There goes the last of twenty thousand
+francs." And there it did go, Bob! swept in by the same remorseless hand
+that gathered all I possessed.
+
+I lingered for a few moments, half stunned. I felt like one that
+requires some seconds to recover from the effects of a severe blow, but
+who feels conscious that with time he shall rally and be himself again.
+After that I strolled out into the open air, lighted my cigar, and
+turned off into a steep path that led up the mountain side, under the
+cover of a dense pine forest. I walked for hours, without noticing the
+way at either side of me, and it was only when, overcome with thirst,
+I stooped to drink at a little fountain, that I perceived I had crossed
+over the crest of the mountain, and gained a little glen at its foot,
+watered by what I guessed must be a capital fishing-stream. Indeed, I
+had not long to speculate on this point, for, a few hundred yards off,
+I beheld a man standing knee-deep in the water, over which he threw his
+line, with that easy motion of the wrist that bespeaks the angler.
+
+I must tell you that the sight of a fly-fisher is so far interesting
+abroad that it is only practised by the English; and although, Heaven
+knows, there is no scarcity of them in town and cities, the moment you
+wander in the least out of the beaten, frequented track of travel, you
+rejoice to see your countryman. I made towards him, therefore, at once,
+to ask what sport he had, and came up just as he had landed a good-sized
+fish.
+
+"I see, sir," said I, "that the fish are not so strong as in our waters.
+You 'd have given that fellow twenty minutes more play, had he been in a
+Highland tarn."
+
+"Or in that brisk little river at Dodsborough," replied he, laughing;
+and, turning round at the same time to sainte me, I perceived that it
+was Captain Morris. You may remember him being quartered at Bruff, about
+two years ago, and having had some altercation with my governor on
+some magisterial topics. He was never much to my taste. I thought him
+somewhat of a military prig, very stiff and stand off; but whether it
+was the shooting-jacket _vice_ the red coat, or change of place and
+scene, I know not, but now he seemed far more companionable than I could
+have thought him. He was a capital angler too, and spoke of shooting and
+deer-stalking like one passionately fond of them. I felt half ashamed
+at first, when he asked me my opinion of the trout streams in the
+neighborhood, and it was only as we warmed up that I owned to the
+kind of life I had been leading at Baden, and the consequences it had
+entailed.
+
+"Fortunately for me, in one sense," said he, laughing, "I have always
+been too poor a man to play at anything; and chess, which excludes all
+idea of money, is the only game I know. But of this I am quite sure,
+that the worst of gambling is neither the time nor the money lost upon
+it; it is the simple fact that, if you ever win, from that moment forth
+you are unfitted to the pursuits by which men earn their livelihood. The
+slow, careworn paths of daily industry become insufferable to him who
+can compass a year's labor by the turn of a die. Enrich yourself but
+once--only once--at the play-table, and try then what it is to follow
+any career of patient toil."
+
+He had seen, he said, many examples of this in his own regiment; some
+of the very finest fellows had been ruined by play, for, as he remarked,
+"it is strange enough, there are few vices so debasing, and yet the
+natures and temperaments most open to the seduction of the gaming-table
+are very far from being those originally degraded." I suppose that his
+tone of conversation chimed in well with my thoughts at the moment, for
+I listened to all he said with deep interest, and willingly accepted his
+invitation to eat some of his morning's sport at a little cottage, where
+he lived, hard by. He had taken it for the season, and was staying
+there with his mother, a charming old lady, who welcomed me with great
+cordiality.
+
+I dined and passed the evening with them. I don't remember when I
+spent one so much to my satisfaction, for there was something more than
+courtesy, something beyond mere politeness, in their manner towards me;
+and I could observe in any chance allusion to the girls, there was a
+degree of real interest that almost savored of friendship. There was
+but one point on which I did not thoroughly go with Morris, and that
+was about Tiverton. On that I found him full of the commonest and most
+vulgar prejudices. He owned that there was no acquaintanceship between
+them, and therefore I was able to attribute much, if not all, of
+his impressions to erroneous information. Now I know George
+intimately,--nobody can know him better. He is what they call in the
+world "a loose fish." He's not overburdened with strict notions or rigid
+principles; he 'd tell you himself, that to be encumbered with either
+would be like entering for a rowing-match in a strait waistcoat; but
+he is a fellow to share his last shilling with a friend,--thoroughly
+generous and free-hearted. These are qualities, however, that men like
+Morris hold cheap. They seem to argue that nobody stands in need of
+such attributes. I differ with them there totally. My notion is that
+shipwreck is so common a thing in life, it is always pleasant to think
+that a friend can throw you a spare hencoop when you're sinking.
+
+We chatted till the night closed in, and then, as the moon got up,
+Morris strolled with me to within a mile of Baden.
+
+"There!" said he, pointing to the little village, now all spangled with
+its starry lights,--"there lies the fatal spot that has blighted many a
+hope, and made many a heart a ruin! I wish you were miles away from it!"
+
+"It cannot injure me much now," said I, laughing; "I am as regularly
+'cleaned out' as a poor old professor I met there this morning, Herr
+Ephraim."
+
+"Not Ephraim Gauss?" asked he. "Did you meet _him?_"
+
+"If that be his name,--a small, mean-looking man, with a white beard--"
+
+"One of the first men in Germany--the greatest civilian--the most
+learned Orientalist--and a man of almost universal attainment in
+science--tell me of him."
+
+I told him the little incident I have already related to you, and
+mentioned the caution given me by the croupier.
+
+"Which is not the less valuable," broke he in, "because he who gave it
+is himself a paid spy of the police."
+
+I started, and he went on.
+
+"Yes, it is perfectly true; and the advice he gave you was both good and
+well intended. These men who act as the croupiers are always in the
+pay of the police. Their position affords them the very best and safest
+means of obtaining information; they see everybody, and they hear an
+immensity of gossip. Still, it is not their interest that the English,
+who form the great majority of play-victims, should be excluded from
+places of gambling resort. With them, they would lose a great part of
+their income; for this reason he gave you that warning, and it is by no
+means to be despised or undervalued."
+
+At length we parted,--he to return over the mountain to his cottage, and
+I to continue my way to the hotel.
+
+"At least promise me one thing," said he, as he shook my hand: "you 'll
+not venture down yonder to-night;" and he pointed to the great building
+where the play went forward, now brilliant in all its illumination.
+
+"That's easily done," said I, laughing, "if you mean as regards play."
+
+"It is as regards play, I say it," replied he; "for the rest, I suppose
+you'll not incur much hazard."
+
+"I say that the pledge costs little sacrifice; I have no money to
+wager."
+
+"All the better, at least for the present. My advice to you would be,
+take your rod, or, if you haven't one, take one of mine, and set out for
+a week or ten days up the valley of the 'Moorg.' You'll have plenty
+of fishing, pretty scenery, and, above all, quiet and tranquillity to
+compose your mind and recover your faculties after all this fevered
+excitement."
+
+He continued to urge this plan upon me with considerable show of reason,
+and such success that as I shook his hand for the last time it was in
+a promise to carry out the scheme. He'd have gone with me himself, he
+said, but that he could not leave his mother even for a few days; and,
+indeed, this I scarcely regretted, because, to own the honest fact,
+my dear Bob, I felt that there was a terrible gulf between us in fifty
+matters of thought and opinion; and, what was worse, I saw that he was
+more often in the right than myself. Now, wise notions of life, prudent
+resolves, and sage aphorisms are certain to come some time or other
+to everybody; but I 'd as soon think of "getting up" wrinkles and
+crows'-feet as of assuming them at one-and-twenty. I know, at least,
+that's Tiverton's theory; and he, it can't be denied, does understand
+the world as well as most men. Not that I do not like Morris; on
+the contrary, I am sure he is an excellent fellow, and worthy of all
+respect, but somehow he does n't "go along," Bob; he's--as we used to
+say of a clumsy horse in heavy ground--"he's sticky." But I'm not going
+to abuse him, and particularly at the moment when I am indebted to his
+friendship.
+
+When I reached the hotel, I was so full of my plan that I sent for the
+landlord, and asked him to convert all my goods and chattels, live
+and dead, into ready cash. After a brief and rather hot discussion the
+scoundrel agreed to give me two hundred "Naps." for what would have been
+cheap at twelve. No matter, thought I, I 'll make an end of Baden, and
+if ever I set foot in it again--
+
+"Come, out with the cash, Master Mueller," cried I, impatient to be off;
+"I 'm sick of this place, and hope never to set eyes on 't more!"
+
+"Ah, the 'Herr Graf' is going away then?" said he, in some surprise.
+"And the ladies, are they, too, about to leave?"
+
+"I know nothing about their intentions, nor have you any business to
+make the inquiry," replied I; "pay this money, and make an end of it."
+
+He muttered something about doing the thing regularly, not having "so
+much gold by him," and so on, ending with a promise that in half an hour
+I should have the cash sent to my room.
+
+I accordingly hurried upstairs to put away my traps. My mother and the
+girls had already gone out for the evening, so that I wrote a few
+lines to say that I was off for a week's fishing, but would be back
+by Wednesday. I had just finished my short despatch, when the landlord
+entered with a slip of paper in one hand and a canvas bag of money in
+the other.
+
+"This is the inventory of the goods, Herr Graf, which you will please
+assign over to me, by affixing your signature."
+
+I wrote it at once.
+
+"This is my little account for your expenses at the hotel," said he,
+presenting a hateful-looking strip of a foot and a half long.
+
+"Another time,--no leisure for looking over that now!" said I, angrily.
+
+"Whenever you please, Herr Graf," said he, with the same imperturbable
+manner. "You will find it all correct, I 'm sure. This is the balance!"
+And opening the bag he poured forth some gold and silver, which, when
+counted, made up twenty-seven Napoleons, fourteen francs.
+
+"And what's this?" cried I, almost boiling over with rage.
+
+"Your balance, Herr Graf. All that is coming to you. If you will please
+to look here--"
+
+"Give me up that inventory,--that bill of sale," cried I, perfectly wild
+with passion.
+
+He only gave a grim smile, while, by a significant gesture, he showed
+that the paper in question was in his breeches-pocket For a second, Bob,
+I was so thoroughly beside myself with passion, that I determined to
+regain possession of it by force. To this end I went to the door, and
+locked it; but by the time I returned to him, I found that he had thrown
+up the window and addressed some words to the people in the courtyard.
+This brought me to my senses, so I counted over my twenty-seven Naps.,
+placed the bill on the chimney-piece, unlocked the door, and told him
+to go,--an injunction which, I assure you, he obeyed with such alacrity
+that had I been disposed to assist his exit I could not have been in
+time to do it.
+
+For both our sakes I 'll not recall the state of mind in which this
+scene left me. As to going an excursion with such a sum, or rather
+with what would have remained of it after paying waiters, porters, and
+such-like, it was too absurd to think of, so that I coolly put it in my
+pocket, walked over to "the Rooms," threw it on the green cloth of
+the gaming-table--and--lost it! There ends the episode of my last
+fortnight's existence,--as dreary and disreputable a one as need be. As
+to how I have passed the last four days I 'm not quite so clear! I
+have walked some twenty-five or thirty miles in each, dining at little
+wayside inns, and returning late at night to Baden.
+
+Passing through picturesque glens, and along mountain ridges of
+boldest outline, I have marked little. I remember still less. Still the
+play-fever is abating. I can sleep without dreaming of the croupier's
+chant, and I awake without starting at any imaginary loss! I feel as
+though great bodily exertion and fatigue would ultimately antagonize the
+excessive tension of nerves too long and too painfully on the stretch,
+and I am steadily pursuing this system for a cure.
+
+When I come home--after midnight--I add some pages to this long epistle,
+which I sometimes doubt if I shall ever have courage to send you! for
+there is this poignant misery about one's play misfortunes, you never
+can expect a friend's sympathy, no matter how severe your sufferings be.
+The losses at play are thoroughly selfish ills; they appeal to nothing
+for consolation!
+
+You will have remarked how I have avoided all mention of the family in
+this epistle. The truth is, I scarcely ever see my mother or Mary Anne.
+Caroline occasionally comes to me before I 'm up of a morning; but it is
+to sorrow over domestic griefs of one kind or other. My father is still
+away, and, strangely too, we do not hear from him; and, in fact, we are
+a most ill-ordered, broken-up household, each going his own road, and
+that being--in almost every case, I fear--a bad one.
+
+This recital--if it be ever destined to come to hand--may possibly tend
+to reconcile you to home life, and the want of those advantages which
+you are so thoroughly convinced pertain to foreign travel. I know that
+in my present mood I am very far from being an impartial witness, and
+I am also aware that I am open to the reproach of not having cultivated
+those arts which give to Continental residence its peculiar value; but
+let me tell you, Bob, the ignorance with which I left home--the utter
+neglect of education in youth--left me unable to derive profit from what
+lay so seemingly accessible. You do not plate over cast-iron, and the
+thin lacquer of gold or silver would never even hide the base metal
+beneath. I haven't courage to go over and see Morris; and here I live,
+perfectly isolated and companionless.
+
+Tiverton writes me word that he 'll be back in a few days. He went
+over to speak on the Jew Bill. He says that his liberal speech on
+that measure "stood to him" very handsomely in Lombard Street He has
+forwarded the report of his oration, but I have n't read it. His chief
+argument in favor of admitting them into Parliament is, "There are so
+few of them." It's very like the lady's plea,--of the child being a
+little one. However, I don't think it signifies much one way or t'other;
+but it seems strange to exclude men from legislation who claim for their
+ancestor the first Lawgiver.
+
+I shall be all eagerness to hear what success you have had for the
+scholarship. You are a happy fellow to have heart and energy for an
+honorable ambition; and that you may have "luck"--for that is requisite,
+too--is the sincere wish of your attached friend,
+
+James Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXIX. CAROLINE DODD TO MISS COX AT MISS MINCING'S ACADEMY, BLACK ROCK, IRELAND
+
+The Moorg Thal.
+
+My dear Miss Cox,--How happy would you be if only seated in the spot
+where I now write these lines! I am at an open window, the sill of which
+is a great rock, all covered with red-brown moss, and beneath, again,
+at some thirty feet lower, runs the clear stream of the Moorg River.
+Two gigantic mountains, clad in pine forests to the summits, enclose the
+valley, the view of which, however, extends to full two miles, showing
+little peeps of farmhouses and mills along the river's bank, and high
+upon a great bold crag, the ducal castle of Eberstein. The day is hot
+but not sultry, for a light summer breeze is playing over the water,
+and, high up, the clouds move slowly on, now casting broad masses of
+mellow shadow over the deep-tinted forest.
+
+The stream here falls over some masses of rock with a pleasant gushing
+music that harmonizes well with the songs of the peasant girls, who are
+what we should in Ireland call "beetling" their clothes in the water.
+On the opposite bank some mowers are seated at their dinner, under the
+shadow of a leafy horsechestnut-tree, and, far away in the distance, a
+wagon of the newly cut hay is traversing the river; the horses stop to
+drink, and the merry children are screaming their laughter from the top
+of the load. I hear them even here.
+
+That you may learn where I am, and how I have come hither, let me tell
+you that I am on a visit with Mrs. Morris, the mother of Captain M., at
+a little cottage they have taken for the season, about twelve miles from
+Baden, in a valley called the Moorg Thal. If its situation be the very
+perfection of picturesque choice, it contains within quite enough of
+accommodation for those who occupy it. The furniture, too, most
+simple though it be, is of that nice old walnut-wood, so bright
+and mellow-looking; and our little drawing-room is even handsomely
+ornamented by a richly carved cabinet and a centre-table, the support
+of which is a grotesque dwarf with four heads. Then we have a piano,
+a reasonably well-filled book-shelf, and a painter's easel, to which I
+turn at intervals, as I write, to give a passing touch of light to
+those trees now waving in the summer's wind, and which I destine, when
+finished, for my dear, dear governess. All the externals of rural life
+in Germany are highly picturesque,--I might almost call them poetic.
+The cottages, the costume, the little phrases in use amongst the people,
+their devotional offices, and, above all, their music, make up an ideal
+of country life such as I scarcely conceived possible to exist.
+
+There is, too, I am told,--for my imperfect knowledge of the language
+does not permit me to state the fact of myself,--an amount of
+information amongst the people seldom found in a similar class
+throughout the rest of Europe. I do not mean the peasantry here, but
+the dwellers in the small villages,--those, for instance, who follow
+handicrafts and small trades, and who are usually great readers and
+very acute thinkers. Denied almost entirely all access to that daily
+literature of newspapers on which our people feed, they fall back upon
+a very different class of writing, and are conversant with the works of
+their great prose and verse writers. Their thoughts are thus idealized
+to a degree; they themselves become assuredly less work-a-day and
+practical, but their hopes, their aspirations, and their ambitions
+take a higher flight than we could ever think possible from such humble
+resting-places. Mrs. Morris, who knew Germany many years ago, tells
+me that those fatal years of '48 and '49 have done them great injury.
+Suddenly called upon to act, in events and contingencies of which they
+derived all their knowledge from some parallels in remote history,
+they rushed into the excesses of a mediaeval period, as the natural
+consequences of the position; and all the atrocities of bygone centuries
+were re-enacted by a people who are unquestionably the most docile and
+law-obeying of the whole Continent. They are now calming down again,
+and there is every reason to think that, if, unshaken by troubles from
+without or within, Germany will again be the happy land it used to be.
+
+Forgive me, my dear Miss Cox, if I grow tiresome to you, by a theme
+which now fills all my thoughts, and occupies so much of our daily
+talking. Captain M. has gone to England on some important matter of
+business, and the old lady is my only companion.
+
+Oh, how you would like her! and how capable you would be of appreciating
+traits and features of her mind, of which I, in my insufficiency, can
+but dimly catch the meaning. She is within a year or two of eighty, and
+yet with a freshness of heart and a brightness of intellect that would
+shame one of _my_ age.
+
+The mellow gayety of heart that, surviving all the trials of life, lives
+on to remote age, hopeful in the midst of disappointments, trusting even
+when betrayed, is the most captivating trait that can adorn our poor
+nature. The spirit that can extract its pleasant memories from the past,
+forgetting all their bitterness, is truly a happy one. This she seems to
+do in all gratitude for what blessings remain to her, after a life not
+devoid of misfortune. She is devotedly attached to her son, who, in
+return, adores her. Probably no picture of domestic affection is more
+touching than that subsisting between a man already past youth and his
+aged and widowed mother,--the little tender attentions, the watchful
+kindnesses on both sides, those graceful concessions which each knows
+how and when to make of their own comfort, and, above all, that blending
+of tastes by which, at last, each learns to adopt some of the other's
+likings, and, even in prejudices, to become more companionable.
+
+To me, the happiness of my present life is greater than I can describe
+to you. The peaceful quietude of an existence on which no shocks obtrude
+is unspeakably delightful. If the weather forbid us to venture abroad,
+which on fine days we do for hours together, our home resources
+are numerous. The little cares of a household, amusing as they are,
+associated with so many little peculiar traits of nationality, help the
+morning to pass; after which I draw, or write, or play, or read aloud,
+mostly German, to the old lady. Whatever my occupation, be it at the
+easel, the desk, or the pianoforte, her criticisms are always good and
+just; for, strange to say, even on subjects of which she professes to
+know nothing, there is an instinctive appreciation of the right; and
+this would seem to result from an intense study, and deep love of
+nature. She herself was the first to show me that this was a charm which
+the Bible possessed in the most remarkable manner, and, unlike other
+literature, gave it the most uncommon value in the eyes of the humblest
+classes, who are from the very accidents of fortune the deep students
+of nature. The language whose illustrations are taken from objects and
+incidents that every peasant can confirm, has a direct appeal to a lowly
+heart; and there is a species of flattery to his intelligence in the
+fact that inspiration could not typify more strongly its conception than
+by analogies open to the lowliest son of labor.
+
+After this, she places Shakspeare, whose actual knowledge is miraculous,
+and whose immortality is based upon that very fact, since the true will
+be true to all ages and people; and, however men's minds may differ
+about the forms of expression, the fact will remain imperishable.
+According to her theory, Shakspeare understood human nature as learned
+men do an exact science,--where certain results must follow certain
+premises and combinations inevitably and of necessity. How otherwise
+explain that intimate acquaintance with the habits and modes of thought
+of classes of which he never made one? How account for the delineation
+of kingly feelings by him who scarcely saw the steps of a throne? "And
+yet," said Mrs. M., "Louis Philippe himself told me, that Shakspeare's
+kings were as true as his lovers. His Majesty once amused me much," said
+she, "by alluding to a passage in 'Hamlet,' which assuredly would
+never have occurred to me to notice. It is where the King and Queen
+are dismissing their attendants from further waiting. His Majesty says,
+'Thanks, Rosenkrantz, and gentle Guildenstern;' on which the Queen
+adds, 'Thanks, Guildenstern, and gentle Rosenkrantz.' 'Now,' said Louis
+Philippe, 'one almost should have been a queen to know that it was
+needful to balance the seeming preference of the Royal epithet, by
+inverting the phrase.'"
+
+While I ramble on thus, I may seem to be forgetting the subjects on
+which more properly I ought to dwell,--home and family. Our pursuit of
+greatness still continues, my dear Miss Cox. We are determined to
+be fine people; and I suppose, after all, that our shortcomings and
+disappointments are not greater than usually fall to the lot of those
+who aspire to what is beyond or above them. In England the gradations
+of rank are as fixed as the degrees of a service; and we, being who
+and what we are, could no more pretend to something else than could a
+subaltern pass off for a colonel to his own regiment. Here, however,
+there is a general scramble for position, and each seems to have the
+same privilege to call himself what he likes, that he exercises over
+the mere spelling of his name. I judge this to be the case from the
+anecdotes I have heard in society about the Count this, and the Baron
+that. Since papa's absence in the interior of Germany, whither he
+accompanied Mrs. Gore Hampton, to visit, I believe, some crowned head
+of her acquaintance, mamma has pursued a kind of royal progress towards
+greatness. Our style of living has been most expensive,--I might almost
+call it splendid. We have servants, horses, equipage,--everything, in
+fact, that appertains to a certain station, but one, and that one thing,
+unfortunately, is the grand requisite of all,--the air that belongs to
+it. The truth is, Miss Cox, as the old lawyer one day said at dinner
+to papa, "You prove too much, Mr. Dodd." That is exactly what mamma is
+doing. She dresses magnificently for small occasions; she insists too
+eagerly upon what she deems her due; and she is far too exclusive with
+respect to those who seek her acquaintanceship. Would you believe it,
+that though I am permitted to accept the kind hospitality which I at
+this moment enjoy, it is upon the condition that neither mamma nor Mary
+Anne are to "be dragged into the mire of low intimacies;" that Mrs.
+Morris is to be "Cary's friend." Proud am I, indeed, if she will deign
+to consider me such!
+
+I must acknowledge that mamma's "Wednesdays" collected all that was high
+and distinguished at Baden. We had the old Kurfurst of something, with a
+long white moustache, and thirty orders; an archduchess with a humpback,
+and a mediatized prince with one eye. There were generals, marshals,
+ministers, envoys, and plenipos without end,--"your Highness" and "your
+Excellency" were household words round our tea-table. But I often asked
+myself, "Are not these great folk paying off in falsehood the imposition
+we are practising upon _them?_ Are they not laughing at the 'Dodds,' and
+their thousand solecisms in good breeding?" These would be very unworthy
+suspicions of mine if I did not feel convinced they were well founded;
+but more than once I have overheard chance words and phrases that have
+suffused my cheeks with "shame-red," as the Germans call it, for an hour
+after. Is it not an indignity to accept hospitality and requite it by
+ridicule? Is it not base to receive attentions, and repay them in scorn?
+
+Whether it is from feeling as I do on the subject or not, I cannot say,
+but James rarely or never appears at mamma's receptions. He is among
+what is called "a fast set;" but I always incline to think that his
+nature is not corrupted, though doubtless sullied, by the tone of
+society around us.
+
+You ask me about Mary Anne's appearance, and here I can speak without
+reserve or qualification. She is, indeed, the handsomest girl I ever
+saw; tall and well-proportioned, and with a carriage and a style about
+her that might grace a princess. A critic inclined to severity might say
+there was perhaps a slight tendency to haughtiness in the expression of
+the features, especially the mouth; the head, too, is a little, a very
+little, too much thrown back; but somehow these might be defects in
+another, and yet in her they seem to give a peculiar stamp and character
+to her beauty. All her gestures are grace itself, and her courtesy,
+save that it is a little too low, perfect. She speaks French and German
+fluently, and knows the precise title of some hundred acquaintances,
+every one of whom would be distracted if defrauded in the smallest coin
+of his rank. I need not say how superior all these gifts make her to
+your humble and unlettered correspondent. Yes, my dear Miss Cox, the
+French "irregulars" are the same puzzle to me they used to be, and
+my mind will no more carry me on to the verb at the end of the German
+sentence than will my feet bear me over fifty miles a day. I am the
+stupid Caroline of long ago, and what renders the case so hopeless is,
+with the best of dispositions to do otherwise.
+
+I am, however, improved in my painting, particularly in my use of color.
+I begin at last to recognize the merits of harmony in tint, and see how
+Nature herself always contrives to be correct. I hope you will like the
+little sketch that accompanies this; the rock in the foreground is the
+spot on which I sit at every sunset. Would that I had you beside me
+there, to counsel, to guide, and to correct me!
+
+When Captain Morris returns, I shall leave this, as Mrs. M. will not
+require my companionship any longer, although she is already planning
+twenty things we are to do then.
+
+Pray, therefore, write to me, as before, to Baden; and with my most
+affectionate regards to all who may remember me, and my dearest love to
+yourself,
+
+Believe me, yours ever,
+
+Caroline Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXX. MISS MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+
+My dearest Kitty,--It _was_ our names you saw in the "Morning Post"!
+We are "The Dodd M'Carthys." It was no use deferring the decision for
+papa's return; and, as I observed to mamma, circumstances are often
+stronger than ourselves; for, in all likelihood, Louis Napoleon would
+not have declared the Empire so soon if it were not for the "Rouges,"
+or the Orleaniste, or the others. Events, in fact, pressed us from
+behind,--go forward we must; and so, like the distinguished authority
+I have mentioned, we accepted greatness, in the shape of our present
+designation.
+
+We took the great step on Monday evening last, and issued one hundred
+and thirty-eight cards for our Wednesday at home, as Madame Dodd
+M'Carthy. Of course, I conclude the new title was amply discussed
+and criticised; but, as James remarked, the _coup d'etat_ succeeded
+perfectly. He sent me three different bulletins during the day from
+"the Rooms," where he was engaged at play. The first was briefly:
+"Great excitement, and much curiosity as to the reasons. Causes
+assigned,--vague, various, and contradictory. Strict silence on my part"
+The second ran: "Funds rising rapidly,--confidence restored." The third
+was: "Victory--opposition crushed, annihilated--dynasty secure. Send a
+card at once to the Crown Prince of Dalmatia, at the 'Lion.' He is just
+come."
+
+Mamma's nervous tremors during this eventful day were dreadful. Nothing
+sustained her but a high consciousness, and some excellent curacoa.
+Every cry in the street, every chance commotion, the slightest
+assemblage, beneath our windows, she took for popular demonstrations.
+You know, my dearest Kitty, we live in really eventful times, and
+nobody can answer for how the mere populace will receive any attempts
+to recover ancient feudal privileges. I own to you, frankly, the attempt
+was a bold one. We, so to say, stemmed the foamy torrent of Democracy at
+its highest flood; but the moment was also propitious. Now or never was
+the time for nobility to raise its head again; and _we_, I am proud to
+say, have given the initiative to astonished Europe.
+
+From the hour that we took the great step, Kitty, I felt my heart rise
+with the occasion. My spirit seemed to say, "Swell to the magnitude of
+those grand proportions around you;" and I really felt myself, as it
+were, disenthralled from the narrow limits of a mere Dodd, and expanding
+to the wide realms of a M'Carthy! If you only knew the sufferings
+and heart-burnings that plebeian appellation has cost us! The hateful
+monosyllable seemed to drop down like a shell in the midst of a company;
+and often has it needed a fortnight's dinners and evening parties, in a
+new place, to overcome the horrid impression caused by the name of Dodd!
+
+Now, as it stands at present, it serves to give vigor and energy to
+the name. Dodd M'Carthy is like Gorman O'Moore, Grogan O' Dwyer, or any
+other of the patronymics of ancient Ireland.
+
+From the deep interest caused by this decisive step, I was obliged at
+once to turn to the details of our great reception to be held on
+the Wednesday following, for it was necessary that in splendor and
+distinction it should eclipse all that had preceded it. Happily for us,
+dearest Caroline was absent as well as papa; she had gone to spend a
+week with a tiresome old lady some miles away, and we were therefore
+relieved from the annoyance of that vexatious restraint imposed by the
+mere presence of those whose thoughts and ideas are never yours. I have
+already told you that she has taken up a completely mistaken line, and
+utterly destroyed any natural advantages she possessed. I told her so
+myself over and over; I reasoned and argued the question deliberately.
+"I see," said I, "your tastes are not those of high and fashionable
+society. You do not feel the instinctive fascination that comes of being
+admired by the distinguished classes. Your ambitions do not soar to
+those aristocratic regions whose atmosphere breathes of royalty. Be
+it so; there is another path open to you,--the sentimental and the
+romantic. Your hair suits it, your complexion, your figure, your style
+generally, will easily adapt themselves to the character. If not a part
+that attracts general admiration, it is one which never fails, in every
+society, to secure some favorable notice; and elder sons, educated
+either 'at home or in clergymen's families,' are constantly captured by
+its fascination." This, I must remark to you, Kitty, is perfectly true,
+and it is of great consequence frequently to have a woman that suits shy
+men, and saves them the much-dreaded exhibition of themselves by talking
+aloud. I told her all this, and I even condescended to use arguments
+derived from her own narrow views of life, by showing that it is a style
+requiring little expense in the way of dress,--ringlets and a white
+muslin "peignoir" of a morning, a broad-leaved straw hat for the
+promenade,--something, in short, of the very simplest kind, and no
+ornaments. No! my dearest Kitty, it was of no use! She is one of those
+self-opinionated girls that reason never appeals to. She coolly replied
+to me, that all this would be unreal and unnatural,--"a mere piece
+of acting," as she said, and, consequently, unworthy of her, and
+unbecoming. I repeat the very words of her reply, to show you the great
+benefits she has derived from foreign travel! Why, dearest Kitty, nobody
+is real,--nobody pretends to be real abroad; if they were to do so, they
+'d be shunned like wild beasts. What is it, I ask, that constitutes the
+very essence of high breeding? Conventional usages, forms of expression,
+courtesies, attentions, flatteries, and observances,--all stimulated,
+all put on, to please and captivate. Reject this theory, and instead
+of society, you have a mob; instead of a _salon_, you have a wild-beast
+"menagerie." Caroline says she is Irish; she might as well say she was
+Cochin-Chinese. Nobody can recognize any trait in that nationality
+but its uniform "savagery;" for I must tell you, Kitty, that Ireland
+itself--though politically deplored, pitied, and wept over, abroad--is
+encumbered by geographical doubts and difficulties like the North-West
+Passage. Many suppose it to be a town in the West of England; others
+fancy it a barren tract along the coast; and a few, whose sympathies
+are more acute for suffering nations, fancy it to be a species of penal
+settlement in an unknown latitude.
+
+If Caroline even developed the character--if she had, as the French
+say, _cree le role_ of an Irish girl, what with eccentricities of dress,
+manner, and Moore's melodies, something might be made of it. It admits
+of all those extravagances that are occasionally admired, and any
+amount of liberty with the male sex. Cary's reading of the part was very
+different; it was neither poetic nor pictorial; in fact, it was a
+mere vulgar piece of commonplace devotion to home and its tiresome
+associations, and a clinging attachment to whatever recalled memories
+of our former obscurity,--these "national traits" being eked out with a
+most insolent contempt for the foreigner, and a compassionate sorrow for
+the patience with which _we_ endured him.
+
+Pardon me, my dearest friend, if I weary you with this unpleasant theme;
+but I wish to satisfy your mind that if my sisterly affection be strong,
+it still does not tyrannize over my reason, and that increased powers of
+judgment, if they elevate the understanding, are frequently exercised at
+the cost of our tenderest feelings.
+
+To come back to the point whence I started, "our Wednesday"--and this,
+by the way, enables me to answer some of the questions in your last You
+ask about my admirers; you shall have the catalogue as lately revised
+and corrected, though I scarcely flatter myself that the names will
+admit of vocal repetition. First, then, there is the Neapolitan Prince
+Sierra d'Aquila Nero, whom I already mentioned to you in one of my
+letters from Brussels. In my then innocence of the Continent I thought
+him charming, so impassioned, so poetical, and so perfumed. Now, Kitty,
+I find him an intolerable old bore; he is upwards of seventy, but
+so painted, patched, and plastered as to pass off panoramically for
+five-and-forty. He affects all the habits and even the vices of young
+men. He keeps saddle-horses that he dare not ride, and hires a "chasse,"
+though he never fires a gun; and lastly, issues from his hairdresser's
+shop, at intervals, with a wig of shortened proportions, coolly alleging
+that he has just had his hair cut! When he drives out of an evening, the
+whole Allee reeks of "Bergamot," and the flutter of his handkerchief is
+a tornado in the Spice Islands. Need I say that _his_ chance is at zero?
+Count Rastuchewitsky, a Russian Pole, comes next,--at least, in order of
+seniority; a short, stern-looking man, of about fifty, with a snow-white
+beard and moustache, with abrupt manners, and an unpleasant voice. I
+believe that he only pays me any attention because he sees the Prince do
+so, for he hates all Italians, and tries to thwart them in everything.
+The Count's great claim to distinction rests upon his father, or mother,
+I forget which, having helped to assassinate the Emperor Paul,--a piece
+of chivalry that he dwells on unceasingly.
+
+The Chevalier de Courcelles makes "No. Three," and thirty years ago he
+might have been very presentable; but he belongs to a school even older
+than his time. He is of the Richelieu order, and seems to be always in
+a terrible fright about the effect of his own powers of fascination: his
+constant effort being to show you that he really is not fond of
+making victims. There is a German Graf von Herren-shausen, a large,
+yellow-bearded, blear-eyed monster, with a frogged coat and a huge
+pipe-stick projecting from the hind pock et, who kisses my hand whenever
+we meet, and leers at me from the whist-table--for, happily, he is past
+dancing--like a Ghoul in an Eastern tale. There are a vast number of
+others, one or two of whom I reserve for favorable mention hereafter;
+but these are the true "pretendants," of which number, I believe, I
+might select the one which pleases me best.
+
+Amongst "home productions," as you term them, I may mention the
+Honorable Sackville Cavendish,--a thin, pale, white-eyebrowed babe of
+diplomacy, that smallest of Foreign Office infants yclept an "unpaid
+attache." He has just emerged from the "nursery" at Downing Street,
+and is really not strong enough to go alone. I have supported him in
+an occasional polka, and "hustled him," as James called it, through a
+waltz, and have in turn received the meed of his admiration as expressed
+in the most lacklustre eyes that ever glittered out of a doll's head;
+and, lastly, there is Mister Milo Blake O'Dwyer, who formerly--O'Connell
+regnante--represented the town of Tralee in Parliament, and who now,
+with altered fortunes, performs the duty of Foreign Correspondent to
+that great news-paper, "The Sledge Hammer op Freedom."
+
+Perhaps I 'm not strictly correct in enrolling him amongst the number of
+my worshippers; with more rigid justice, I believe he belongs to mamma;
+at least he's in constant attendance upon her, and continually assures
+me, with upturned eyes and a smack of the lip, that she is a "gorgeous
+woman," and "wonderfully preserved!" This worthy individual is really
+a curiosity; since being in manner, exterior, knowledge, and fortune
+totally deficient of all those aids which achieve success in society,
+he has actually contrived, by the bare force of impudence, to move with,
+and be received by, persons in the very first ranks. Foreigners, I must
+tell you, Kitty, conceive the most ridiculous notions of England; one of
+the most popular of which is that more than one-half of our government
+is carried on by newspaper writing, the minister contributing his
+sentiments one day, some individual of the public replying the next.
+Now, the illustrious Milo takes every opportunity of propping up this
+fallacy, while he represents himself as the very bone and sinew of all
+English opinion on the Continent. To believe him, no foreign prince or
+potentate could raise a sixpence on loan till he subscribes the scheme.
+How many an appropriation of territory have his warnings arrested? From
+what cruelties has he saved the Poles? What a crisis did his pen achieve
+in the fortunes of Hungary! And then the bushels of diamond snuff-boxes
+that he has thrown from him with disgust, the heaps of orders that he
+has rejected with proud scorn! As he says himself, "Haven't I more power
+than them all? When I send off my article to the 'Sledge,' don't I see
+them trembling and shaking for what's coming? Ay, says I to myself,
+haughty enough you look to-day, but won't I expose your Majesty, won't I
+lay bare the cruelties of your prisons and the infamy of your spies! And
+your Eminence, too, how silky you are; but I know you well, and I 've a
+copy of the last rescript you sent over to Ireland! Don't be afraid, my
+little darling; never mind the puppies that hissed you at Parma, I 'll
+make your fortune in London. A word from me to Lumley, and it's as good
+as five thousand pounds in the bank!"
+
+It really gives me a great notion of the glut of genius that we possess
+in England, when you see a man whose qualifications are great in war
+and peace; whose knowledge ranges over the world of politics, religion,
+literature, fine arts, and the drama; who knows mankind to perfection,
+and understands statecraft to a miracle, with no higher nor prouder
+position than that of writing for the "Sledge." It is but fair to own
+that he has been of great service to us here. The hardest thing to find
+in the world is some person of pushing habits and impudent address,
+who will speak of you at all times and in all companies, doing for
+you, socially, what, in the world of trade, is accomplished by huge
+advertisements and red-lettered placards. Now, one really cannot stick
+up on the walls great announcements of "unrivalled attraction," the
+"positively last night but one" of Mrs. Dodd's great _soirees_ and so
+on, but you can come pretty nigh the same result by a little tact and
+management. A few insignificant commissions about camellias, a change of
+arrangement about the fiddles, intrusted to him, and Milo was prepared
+to go forth, trumpet in hand, for us, from day to dark. Woe to the
+luckless wight that hadn't got a card for our "Evening"! the obligation
+Milo would place him under was a bond debt for life. Then he contrived
+to know everybody; and though he made sad hash of their names, they only
+smiled at his blunders.
+
+I have heard that a great English minister one day confessed that the
+only exaction of office he never could thoroughly reconcile himself to,
+was the nature of those persons he was occasionally obliged to employ
+as subordinates. I suppose that, without being leader of a cabinet,
+everybody must have experienced something or other of this kind in life.
+
+I think I hear you ask, "Where is the Ritter von Wolfensbafer all this
+time? What has become of _him?_" you say. You really are very tiresome,
+dearest Kitty, with your little poisonous allusions to "old loves,"
+former attachments, and so on. As to the Ritter, however, I heard from
+him yesterday; he cannot, it seems, come to Baden; his father is not
+on terms with the Grand-Duke, and he strictly charges me not to mention
+their names to any one. His letter repeats the invitation to us all to
+spend some weeks at the "Schloss,"--an arrangement which might, very
+possibly, suit our plans well, since, when the season ends here, it is
+still too early to go into winter quarters; and one is sorely puzzled
+what to do with the late autumn, which is as wearisome as the time one
+passes in the drawing-room before dinner. Of course we must await pa's
+return, to reply to this invitation; and I incline to say we shall
+accept it. Why will you be so silly as to remind me of the follies of my
+childhood? Are there no naughtinesses of the nursery you can rake up to
+record? You know as well, if not better than myself, that the attentions
+you allude to could never have been seriously meant! nor could Dr. B.
+believe them such, if not totally deficient in those qualities of good
+sense and judgment for which I always have given him credit. I will not
+say that, in the artless gayety of infancy, I have not amused myself
+with the mock devotion he proffered; but you might as well reproach
+me with fickleness for not taking a child's interest any longer in the
+nursery games that once delighted me, as for not sustaining my share in
+this absurd illusion!
+
+I plainly perceive one thing, Kitty,--the gentleman in question has very
+little pride; but even _that_ in your eyes, may be an excellence,
+for you have discovered innumerable merits in his character under
+circumstances which, I am constrained to own, have failed to impress me
+with a suitable degree of interest. The subject is so very unpleasant,
+however, that I must beg it may never be reopened between us; and if you
+really feel for him so acutely as you say, I can only suggest that you
+should hit upon some plan of consolation perfectly independent of any
+aid from your attached friend,
+
+Mary Anne.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXXI. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+
+My dearest Kitty,--Another delay, and more "last words"! I had thought
+that my poor epistle was already miles on the way towards you, wafted
+by the sighs of my heaving heart, but I now discover that Mr. Cavendish
+will not send off his bag to the Foreign Office before Saturday, as the
+Grand-Duke wants to send over some guinea-pigs to the royal children, so
+that I shall detain this till that day, and perhaps be able to tell
+you of a great "picnic" we are planning to the Castle of Eberstein
+for Thursday next. It is one of the things everybody does here, and
+of course we must not omit it. James talks of the expense as terrific,
+which really comes with an ill grace from one who wagers fifty, or even
+sixty, Napoleons on a card! Besides, a "picnic" is an association, and
+the whole cost cannot fall to the share of an individual. The Great Milo
+begs that we will leave everything to him, and I feel assured that it is
+the wisest course we can adopt, not to speak of the advantage of seeing
+the whole festivity glowingly described in the columns of the "Sledge."
+The Princess Sloboffsky has just driven to the door, so I must conclude
+for the present. I come back to say that the picnic is fixed for
+Thursday, the number to be, by special request of the Princess, limited
+to forty,--the list to be made out this evening. "Mammas" to go in open
+carriages,--young ladies horseback or ass-back,--men indiscriminately;
+no more at present decided on. I am wild with delight at the pleasure
+before us. Would you were one of us, dearest Kitty!
+
+Thursday Morning. Oh, Kitty, what a day! It might be December in London.
+The rain is swooping down the mountain sides, and the wind howling
+fearfully. It is now seven o'clock, and my maid, Augustine, has called
+me to get up and dress. Mamma has had two notes already, which, being in
+French, she is waiting for me to read and reply to. I 'll hasten to see
+what they mean.
+
+One of the "billets" is from the Duchesse de Sargance, merely asking the
+question, "Que faire?" The other is from the Princess Sloboffsky, who,
+in consideration "for all the trouble mamma has been put to," deems
+it better to go at all events, and that we can dine at the Grand-Ducal
+Schloss, instead of on the grass. This reads ominously in one sense,
+Kitty, and seems to imply that _we_ are giving the entertainment
+ourselves; but I must keep this suspicion to myself, or we should have
+a terrible exposure. When an evil becomes inevitable, patient submission
+is the true philosophy.
+
+Ten o'clock. What an animated, I might almost call it a stormy, debate
+we have just had in the drawing-room! The assembled lieges have been all
+discussing the proposed excursion,--if that can be called discussion,
+where everybody screamed out his own opinion, and nobody listened to his
+neighbor. The two parties for and against going divided themselves into
+the two sexes,--the men being for staying where we are, the ladies as
+clamorously declaring for the road. Of course the "Ayes" had it, and we
+are now putting the whole house in requisition for cloaks, mantles, and
+mackintoshes. The half-dozen men for whom no place can be made in coach
+or "caleche" are furious at having to ride. I half suspect that some
+attachments whose fidelity has hitherto defied time and years, will
+yield to-day before the influence of mere water. The truth is, Kitty,
+foreigners dread it in every shape. They mix a little of it now and then
+with their wine, and they rather like to see it in fountains and "jets
+d'eau," but there ends all the acquaintance they ever desire to maintain
+with the pure element.
+
+I must confess that the aspect of the "outsiders" is suggestive
+of anything rather than amusement. They stand to be muffled and
+waterproofed like men who, having resigned themselves to an inevitable
+fate, have lost all interest in the preliminaries that conduct to it.
+They are, as it were, bound for the scaffold, and they have no care for
+the shape of the "hurdle" that is to draw them thither. The others, who
+have secured inside places, are overwhelmingly civil, and profuse in all
+the little attentions that cost nothing, nor exact any sacrifice. I have
+seen no small share of national character this morning, and if I had
+time could let you into some secrets about it.
+
+The arrangement of the company--that is, who is to go with whom--is
+our next difficulty. There are such intricacies of family history, such
+subtle questions of propriety to be solved, we 'd not get away under
+a year were we to enter upon half of them. As a general rule, however,
+ladies ought not to be packed up in the same coach with the husbands
+from whom they have been for years separated, nor people with deadly
+feuds between them to be placed _vis-a-vis_. As to the attractive
+principles, the cohesionary elements, Kitty, are more puzzling still,
+since none but the parties themselves know where the minds are simulated
+and where real.
+
+Milo has taken a great part of this arrangement upon his own hands, and,
+from what I can see, with his accustomed want of success in all
+matters of tact and delicacy. Of this, however, he is most beautifully
+unconscious, and goes about in the midst of muttered execrations with
+the implicit belief of being a benefactor of the human race. I wish you
+could see the self-satisfied chuckle of his greasy laugh, or could hear
+his mumbled "Maybe I don't know what ye 'r after, my old lady. Have
+n't I put the little Count with the green spectacles next you; don't I
+understand the cross looks ye 'r giving me? Ah, Mademoiselle, never fear
+me, I have in my eye for you,--a wink is enough for Milo Blake any day.
+Yes, my darling, I 'm looking for him this minute." These and such-like
+mutterings will show you the spirit of his ministering; and when I
+repeat that he makes nothing but blunders, you may picture to yourself
+the man. He has appointed himself on mamma's staff; and as I go with
+the Princess and the Count Boldourouki, I shall see no more of him for a
+while.
+
+It is quite clear, Kitty, that we are the entertainers, though how it
+came to be so, I cannot even guess. Some blunder, I suspect, of this
+detestable Milo; and James will do nothing whatever. He is still in bed,
+and, to all my entreaties to get up, merely says that he'll be with
+us at dinner. The hampers of proggery will fill two carriages, and
+a charette with the champagne in ice is already sent forward. Three
+cooks--for such, I am told, are three gentlemen in black coats and
+white neckcloths--are to accompany us; and the whole preparations are
+evidently got up in the "very first style," and "totally regardless of
+expense."
+
+Twelve o'clock. Another dilemma. There is only one "bus" in the town;
+and as none of the band will sit outside in this terrible weather, what
+is to be done? Milo proposes billeting them, singly, here and there,
+through the carriages; but the bare mention has excited a rebellion
+amongst the equestrians, who will not consent to be treated worse than
+the fiddlers! The Commissary of Police has just sent to know if we have
+obtained "a ministerial permission to assemble in vast numbers and for
+objects unnamed." I have got one of the German nobles to settle this
+difficulty, which, in Milo's hands,--if he only heard of it,--might
+become formidable.
+
+Happily, he is now engaged "telling off" the band, and selecting from
+the number such as we can find room to accommodate. The permission has
+been accorded, the carriages are drawing up, the guests are taking their
+seats, we are ready,--we are off.
+
+Saturday Morning. Dearest Kitty,--Mr. Cavendish has just sent me word
+that the courier will start in half an hour, so that I have only time
+for a few lines. Gloomily as the day broke yesterday, its setting at
+evening was infinitely sadder and more sorrowful. Never did a prospect
+of pleasure prove more delusive; never did a scene of enjoyment
+terminate more miserably.
+
+Tears of anguish, of passion, and of shame blot my words as I write
+them. You must not ask me to describe the course of events, when my
+mind has but room for the sad catastrophe that closed them; but in a few
+brief lines I will endeavor to convey to you what occurred.
+
+Our journey to Eberstein, from being all up hill and over roads terribly
+cut up by the weather, was a slow process. The procession, some of the
+riders remarked, had a most funereal look, winding along up the zig-zags
+of the mountain, and on a day which assuredly suggested few thoughts of
+pleasure. I can only answer for my own companions; but they, I am bound
+to say, were in the very worst of tempers the whole way, discussing the
+whole plot of the excursion with--considering mamma's share in it--a
+far greater degree of candor than politeness. They ridiculed picnics in
+general; pronounced them vulgar, tiresome, and usually "failures." They
+insinuated that they were the resources of people who felt more at ease
+in the semi-civilized scramble of a country party than amid the more
+correct courtesies of daily life! As to the "diner sur l'herbe" itself,
+it was a shocking travesty of a real dinner. Spiders and cockroaches
+settled in your soup, black beetles bathed in your champagne, wasps
+contested your fruit with you, and you were lucky if you did not carry
+back a scorpion or a snake in your pocket. Then the company came in for
+its share of comment. So many people crept in that nobody knew, nobody
+acknowledged, and apparently nobody had invited. You always, they
+said, found that all your objectionable acquaintances dated from these
+parties. Lastly, they were excursions which no weather suited, no toilet
+became! If it were hot, the sufferings of sun-scorching and mosquitoes
+were insufferable. If it proved bad and rainy, they were in the sad
+situation of that very moment! As to dress, who could fix upon a costume
+to be becoming in the morning, graceful in the afternoon, and fresh and
+radiant at night? In a word, Kitty, they said so much, and so forcibly,
+that nothing but great constraint upon my feelings saved me from asking,
+"Why, in Heaven's name, could they have consented to come upon
+an excursion every detail of which was a sorrow, and every step a
+suffering?"
+
+No other theme, however, divided attention with this calamitous one;
+and as we toiled languidly up the mountain-side, you can fancy with what
+pleasant feelings the way was beguiled.
+
+At last we reached the castle; but fresh disappointment here awaited us.
+Although parties were admitted to see the Schloss and the grounds, they
+could not obtain leave to dine anywhere within the precincts. We begged
+hard for a room in the porter's lodge, the laundry, the stable, even
+the hayloft! but all without success. We at length capitulated for a
+moss-house, where the rain came filtering down through a network of
+foliage and birds'-nests; but even this was refused. What was to be
+done? The army was now little short of mutiny; a violent debate was
+carried on from carriage windows; and strong partisans of particular
+opinions went slopping about, with tucked-up trousers and huge
+umbrellas, trying to enforce their own views! Some were for an equitable
+distribution of the eatables on the spot,--"Food Commissaries," as the
+Germans expressed it, being chosen, to allot the victuals to each coach;
+some were for a forcible entry into the castle, and an occupation by
+dint of arms; others voted for a return to Baden; and lastly, a small
+section, which gradually grew in power and persuasiveness, suggested
+that, by descending the opposite side of the mountain, we should reach a
+little inn in the Moorg Thal, much frequented by fishermen, and where we
+were sure to find shelter at least, if not something more. The "Anglers'
+Rest" was now adopted as our goal; and thither we started, with some
+slight tinge of renewed hope and pleasure.
+
+Our journey _down_ was nearly as slow as that _up_ the mountain; for
+the steep descent required the greatest caution, with heavily laden
+and jaded horses. It was, therefore, already dark when we reached
+the "Anglers' Rest." All that I could see of this "hostel," from the
+rain-streaked glasses of the carriage, was a small one-storied house,
+built over the stream of a small but rapid river. Mountains, half
+wrapped in mists, and seeming to smoke with the steam of hot rain,
+environed the spot on all sides, which probably, in fine weather, would
+have been picturesque and even pretty.
+
+"We are destined to be unlucky to-day, Princess," said a young French
+marquis, approaching, our carriage. "This miserable 'guinguette,' it
+seems, is full of people, who are by no means disposed to yield the
+place to us."
+
+"Who are they,--what are they?" asked she, in haughty astonishment at
+their contumacy.
+
+"They are, I believe, some young tradesfolk, on what is called in
+Germany the 'Wander-Jahre,'--that travelling probation that municipal
+law dictates to native handicraft."
+
+"But, surely, when they hear who we are--"
+
+"Graf Adelberger has been eloquently explaining that to them the last
+ten minutes, and the Baron von Badenschwill has told them of his
+eighteen quarterings; but though they have consented to drink his
+health, they will not abdicate the territory."
+
+Here was a pretty proof of what the years '48 and '49 had done for the
+Continent of Europe, and maybe Blum, Kossuth, Mazzini, and Co., didn't
+come in for their share! To think of creatures--shoemakers, who could
+assure us they were, might be tailors--daring to proclaim that they
+preferred their own ease and comfort to that of carriages full of
+unknown but titled individuals!
+
+"It's impossible!" "Incredible!" "Fabulous!" "Infamous!" "Monstrous!"
+were expressions screamed from carriage to carriage, while telegraphic
+signs of horror and amazement were exchanged from window to window. "Did
+they know who we were?" "Do they know who _I_ am?" were the questions
+incessantly pouring forth. Alas! they had heard it all. There was not a
+claim we could prefer to greatness that they had not before them, and,
+alas! they remained inexorable!
+
+Deputations of various nations went in, and came back baffled and
+unsuccessful. The "Burschen," as they were called, were at that very
+moment impatiently waiting for their own supper, and seemed to verify
+the adage of the ill result of arguing with hungry men. Milder and more
+practicable counsels now began to prevail amongst us, and some even of
+the most conservative hinted at compromise and accommodation. What if we
+were to share with some of the vast abundance that we had with us? What
+if we tried bribery? The "Food Commissaries" assured us that even after
+the most liberal allowance for our wants we could feed a moderately
+sized village.
+
+The proposal was therefore framed, and two Germans of high rank
+persuaded--sorely against their prejudices and inclination--to convey it
+to "Das Volk,"--the populace. It seemed as though the memorable years I
+have referred to had taught some curious lessons in popular force; for
+the demands of the masses indicated strength and power. They stipulated,
+first, that they should hold the kitchen; secondly, that the meats
+assigned them should be set before them uncut; and lastly, that none of
+our servants were to be quartered on the table. Here was the "Monarchy
+of the Middle Classes" proudly enunciated; and, I assure you, many
+excellent things were said by all of us,--not only upon the past and the
+present, but on "what we were coming to!"
+
+If I weary you with this detail, Kitty, it is that you may sympathize
+with me in the fatigue the long discussion inflicted. We were fully
+three-quarters of an hour at the door ere the treaty was concluded. Then
+came the descent from the carriages, the unpacking of the eatables, the
+unrolling of the life-mummies that were to consume them, which, wrapped
+up as they were in soaked drapery, was a long process. I shall not delay
+you with an account of the distribution of the proggery, but content
+myself with stating that the two deputies accredited by the "Trades'"
+union to receive their share, acknowledged that we behaved not only
+well, but with munificence; since not only did we bestow upon them the
+grosser material of a meal, but many of the higher refinements of a
+great entertainment; in particular, a large game pasty, representing a
+feudal fortress, with a flag waving over it, on which the enthusiastic
+cook had inscribed the words, "Hoch Lebe die Dodd," or "the Dodd
+forever." It was a vulgar dish, Kitty, and by my own special diplomacy
+was it consigned to the second table.
+
+At length we were seated at table, but only for new disappointment.
+Milo, in telling off the band, had made the irreparable blunder of
+leaving all the flute, clarionet, and horn players behind; and there
+we were, with kettle-drums, trombones, and ophocleides enough to have
+stunned a garrison. They could beat a "generale," it is true, but there
+ended their orchestral powers. This stupid mistake, however, gave room
+for laughter, and, in spite of our annoyance, we laughed at it long and
+heartily.
+
+I am spared the painful task of recording the catastrophe of our story,
+by a message from Mr. Cavendish, to say that the courier is starting.
+Indeed, his carriage is now at the door, and I must say, Kitty, that
+the handsomest men in our diplomacy are the Mercuries. They dress
+so becomingly too,--something between a hussar and Lord Byron; their
+pelisses of rich furs, their slashed frocks, and Polish caps harmonizing
+beautifully with their mingled air of intrepidity and gentleness.
+
+Mr. Dudley Vignerton, who takes this, is remarkably
+good-looking,--something of George Canning, with a dash of Count
+d'Orsay. I wish, however, he would let me finish these few lines
+in peace, for he keeps on complimenting me about my hair, and my
+handwriting, and I don't know what besides. He offers also to bring me
+shoes from Paris, for really Germany is too bad!
+
+He is a strange man, Kitty, and I regret not to see more of him;
+he looks at once so bland and so determined. He tells me that the
+adventurous nature of the life he leads makes a man at once daring and
+enduring,--about equal parts lamb and lion. Don't you wish to see him?
+Yours, in great haste,
+
+M. A. D.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXXII. JAMES DODD TO ROBERT DOOLAN, ESQ., TRINITY COLLEGE,
+DUBLIN.
+
+"The Fox," Lichtenthal.
+
+My dear Bob,--I promised to give you the earliest intelligence of the
+governor's return; and this is to inform you that the agreeable incident
+in question occurred on Wednesday last, accompanied, however, by
+circumstances which I must call "attenuantes," that is to say,
+considerably impairing the felicitous character of the event We--that
+is, the Dodd M'Carthy portion of the family, for so we had already
+constituted ourselves--had organized a most stunning picnic; one of
+those entertainments which are the great facts of the season, just as
+certain battles are the grand incidents of a campaign: we had secured
+everything that Baden contained of company and _cuisine_, and we did not
+leave a turkey, a truffle, nor a titled individual in the whole village.
+
+La Mere Dodd had, in fact, resolved on one of those great _coups de
+tete_, which, in the social as in the political world, are needed to
+terminate a difficult position, and, as the journalists say in France,
+"legitimize the situation." How I love a phrase that permits one to
+escape the pettiness of a personal detail by some grand and sweeping
+generality!
+
+The picnic is to the fashionable world what a general election is in
+that of politics. It is a brief orgie, in which each condescends to
+acquaintanceship, or even intimacy, without in the slightest degree
+pledging himself to future consequences. You, as it were, pass out of
+the conventional limit of ordinary life, and take a "day rule" for
+indiscretions. The natural consequence is that people will come to you
+in this way that no efforts could seduce into your house; and the great
+lady, who would scorn your attentions on a Turkey carpet, will suffer
+you to carve her chicken, and fill her champagne glass, when seated on
+the grass. "Oh! I don't know him. I saw him somewhere,--on a steamer, or
+at a picnic, perhaps." This spoken, with a stare of ineffable unconcern,
+is the extent of the recognition accorded to you after. At first, when
+you call to mind the way you struggled to get her sherry, how you fought
+for the lobster, and descended to actual meanness for the mustard,
+you are disposed to fancy yourself the most injured, and her the most
+ingrate of mankind; but you soon learn to perceive that this is the law
+of these cases, and that you are not worse treated than your fellows.
+
+I leave you to conjecture why we deemed a picnic an essential stroke of
+policy. I assure you it was a question well and maturely discussed
+in our cabinet We knew it to be a measure from which there was no
+retreating when once entered upon; we also knew that the governor's
+return would utterly render such a course impossible. It was now or
+never with us. Would that it had been never! But to proceed. Everything,
+even from the start, promised badly; the day broke in torrents of rain;
+it was like one of those days of Irish picnic at the "Dargle," where a
+drowned family squat under a hedge to eat soaked sandwiches. We set
+out, in bad humor, determined to "take our pleasure excursion" under
+difficulties; a proceeding about as sensible as that of a man who,
+having sprained his ankle on his way to a ball, still insists upon
+waltzing. At Eberstein, where we had purposed to dine, they would not
+admit us. It is a royal residence, and although usually there was no
+permission necessary for parties wishing to pass the day there, an order
+from the court had closed the castle against all picnicaries,--a
+fact not made more palatable to us by the information that it was the
+misconduct of some interesting individuals of the family of the Simkins,
+the Popkins, or the Perkins, which had provoked the edict in question.
+And here I must say, Bob,--and I say it in deep sorrow,--that we are
+either grossly calumniated abroad, or else very grievous faults attach
+to us, since every scratched picture, every noseless statue, every
+chipped relic, and every flawed marble is sure of being assigned to the
+work of English fingers. I repeat, I have no means of knowing if the
+accusation be wrongful or not; at all events, I conclude it to be
+greatly exaggerated beyond truth. If scratching and mutilating, "the
+chalking and maiming acts" against works of art, be popular practices of
+travellers generally, it follows that, as we English supply a very large
+majority of the earth's vagabonds, a vast number of these offences must
+fall to our share; but I sincerely hope we do not deserve our wholesale
+reputation, nor possess any exclusive patent for barbarism. I argue the
+point as the priest used to do at home about Catholics and Protestants,
+when he triumphantly asked, "Why white-faced sheep eat more than
+black-faced:" and having puzzled us all, answered, "Because there are
+more of them!" And that's the reason the English commit more breaches of
+decorum than their neighbors. Rely upon it, Bob, the simple illustration
+is very widely applicable; and whenever you hear of our derelictions
+abroad, please to remember it.
+
+As we could not gain admittance to Eberstein, it became a grand subject
+of debate what to do. The prudent said, "Go back." Is it not strange,
+Bob? but there is an almost stereotyped uniformity in wise counsellors,
+and that whenever a difficulty arises in life, they all cry out, "Go
+back!" I conclude that this is the whole secret of the Tory party, and
+that all the reputation they have acquired of "safe," "prudent," and
+so forth, has no other basis than this simple maxim. Upon the present
+occasion, "the Progresistas" carried the day,--we went on!
+
+A little wayside inn--the resort of a few summer visitors--was to be our
+destination; but when we arrived there, it was to find the house crammed
+with a most motley rabble,--a set of those wandering artisans which,
+from some singular notion of her own upon the virtues of vagabondism,
+Germany sends forth broadcast over her whole land; the law requiring
+that each tradesman should travel for a year, or, in some states, two
+years, before he can obtain permission from the municipality of his own
+town to reside at home. Now, as these individuals are rarely or never
+persons of independent fortune, but rather of scanty and precarious
+means, the "Wander-Jahre," as the year of travel is called, is usually
+a series of events vibrating between roguery and begging, and at all
+events little conducive to those habits of orderly, patient industry
+which, in England at least, are deemed the highest qualities of a
+laboring man.
+
+Wherever you travel in Germany you are certain to find droves of these
+people on the road, their heavy knapsacks covered with an undressed
+calf-skin, and usually decorated at either extremity by a Wellington
+boot, "pendant," but not "proper," their long pipes and longer beards,
+their well-tuned voices,--for they always sing,--and, lastly, their
+unblushing appeals to your charity, proclaim them to be "Lehre-Junge,"
+or apprentices. But you must not fall into the absurd mistake of one
+of our well-known English writers on Germany, who has called them
+travelling students, and thereupon moralized long and learnedly on
+the poverty of life and the cheapness of education in that country.
+Occasionally, it is true, a student of the very humblest class will
+associate himself with the "youths;" but even he will be the exception,
+and the university to which he belongs one of the very lowest in rank.
+I should ask your forgiveness for this long and wide digression, my dear
+Bob, were it not that I know that whenever I speak of matters which are
+new and unfamiliar to you, I am at least as interesting as by any purely
+personal history. You would like to hear a thousand traits of foreign
+life and manners, far better than I am capable of communicating them.
+
+Our inn, as I have said, was full of these "gents," and no persuasion
+of ours, no threats, nor any flatteries, could induce them to vacate the
+territory in our favor. In fact, they presumed to reason upon the case,
+on the absurd presumption that rain would wet and wind chill them, and
+positively resisted all our assurances to the contrary.
+
+We ended by a compromise; they gave us the parlor, and retired to the
+kitchen, we purchasing the concession by sundry articles of consumption,
+such as fowls, ham, preserves, and a pasty, to be by them devoured as
+their own proper and peculiar prog. The selection, which was made by a
+special commission named by both sides, was rather an amusing process,
+though probably prolonged a little beyond the limits of ordinary
+patience. At length the treaty was concluded, the price paid, the
+territory evacuated, and we sat down ourselves to table, I will not
+say in the very happiest of humors, for throughout the whole of the
+negotiation our pride and self-esteem were at each moment receiving the
+very rudest buffets, princes, dukes, counts, and barons as we were! It
+was a sore lesson we were acquiring; and as a great man of our party
+remarked, "The canaille had apparently been taught little or nothing
+by the last two years,"--a fact not so difficult to entertain when one
+remembers that those whose education is conducted by grape and musketry
+are seldom left to evidence the advantages of the system, and the
+survivors are the "naughty boys who have learned nothing."
+
+Our first disappointment was rather a laughable one, though certes in
+itself a bore. In the hurry of leaving Baden, a selection of the town
+band of musicians was made, as we had not carriage-room for the whole;
+but by ill-luck it was the rejected we had taken, and there we were
+with drums, cymbals, trombones, and an ophocleide, but not a flute,
+flageolet, or a French horn! You may fancy the attempt to perform the
+overture to "William Tell" with such appliances. Crash after crash it
+went, drowned in our own uproarious laughter, or louder cries of horror
+and disgust. We had scarcely rallied, some from the amusement, others
+from the annoyance produced by this event, when a tremendous uproar
+outside the door attracted our attention. It sounded like an attempt
+being made to establish a forcible entry into our apartment, and
+vigorous resistance offered. So it proved, by the account of certain
+wounded and disabled who fell back to tell us of the affray. "The
+Trades" were in reality in open insurrection, and marching upon us,
+"headed," as the trombone said, "by a stout, elderly man of savage
+appearance." To organize a resistance would have been impossible, with
+countesses fainting on every side, duchesses in hysterics. The men of
+our party, too, avowed that without an armory of guns, pistols, and
+cutlasses they were powerless. As to smashing up a chair, or seizing
+a table-leg, they had no idea of it; so that I saw myself the only
+combatant in a room full of people, who, by way of fitting me for my
+task, threw themselves around my neck and on my back in a fashion far
+more flattering than favorable.
+
+By great exertions I wrested myself free from my "backers," and,
+bounding over the table with a formidable old tongs in my hand, I
+reached the door just as it gave way to the assaulting party, and came
+flat down off the hinges, discovering the forlorn hope of the enemy
+led on by--oh, shame and disgrace ineffable!--no other than my father
+himself! There he was, Bob, without his coat, with a large saucepan
+in one hand for a shield, and a kitchen cleaver in the other. He
+vociferously cheered on his followers to the breach. I own to you
+that, what with his patched and poor attire, his long beard, and his
+moustaches, I scarcely knew him. His voice, however, there was no
+mistaking; and, at the first word he uttered, I grounded my arms in
+surrender.
+
+It turned out that some infernal device in pastry had communicated to
+him the intelligence that it was Mrs. D. was the entertainer of the
+gorgeous company, the crumbs from whose sumptuous table he and his
+friends were then consuming. Maddened with the indignity of _his_
+position, and outraged at _her_ extravagance, he tossed off two tumblers
+of sherry to give him courage, and cried out to his partisans "to
+charge!" I have often heard that no description can convey even the
+faintest notion of the horrors of a town taken by assault. I now
+believed it. For the same good reason, you will not expect of me to
+portray what I own to be beyond my pictorial powers. I can, it is true,
+give you the ingredients, as Lord Macartney did those of a plum-pudding
+to the Chinese cook, but you must yourself know how to mingle and
+combine them. Take thirty ladies of various ages, from sixteen to sixty,
+and of all nations of Europe, with gents to match; throw them into
+strong convulsions of fright, horror, fun, or laughter, amidst smashed
+crockery, broken glass, upset viands, and drinkables; beat them up with
+some ten or twelve travellers of unwashed appearance, neither civil of
+speech nor ceremonious in conduct; dash the mixture with Dodd pere in
+a state of frenzied passion, to which he gave short and _per saltum_
+utterance in such phrases as "Spitzbuben!" "Coquins!" "Canaille!"
+"Scoundrels!" "Gueux!" "Blackguards!" &c,--a vocabulary that, even
+without a labored context, seemed sufficiently intelligible. The company
+took Lady Macbeth's hint; they did n't stand upon the order of their
+going, "they went at once." I do not believe that a party ever separated
+with greater despatch and less useless ceremony. A few of the "greatly
+overcome" were, indeed, led out between friends, "unconscious;" but the
+mass fled with a laudable precipitancy, leaving the field to my father
+and the rest of the Dodd family,--a group, I beg to say, that nothing
+but a painter could properly render. That it may one day be thought
+worthy of a fresco, let me record it.
+
+Foreground, and principal figure, Dodd pere, seated Marius-like
+amidst the ruins, cravat in one hand, turban of a spoiled countess
+inadvertently grasped in the other; countenance strongly marked with
+intense perplexity, a kind of universal doubt of everything; prevailing
+impression of the figure, power, but power weakened by incredulity.
+
+[Illustration: 436]
+
+Middle distance, Mary Anne Dodd, dishevelled and weeping, gracefully
+draped, and the attitude well chosen.
+
+Extreme distance, Dodd mere, seated on the floor, with a student's cap
+stuck on over her own toque, evidently horror-struck and unconscious, as
+seen by the wild stare of her eyes, and the half-open lips. Dodd
+fils, dimly detected in the shadow of left foreground, mixing
+brandy-and-water.
+
+There's the tableau; the smaller details are, a universal smashery,
+with occasional vestiges of that part of the creation consigned to
+hairdressers, tailors, and milliners, of which the ground displays
+various curious specimens, in scalps, fronts, ringlets, and tufts,
+scraps of lace, tuckers, and trinkets, with skirts of coats, cravats,
+and a false calf! Had these been all that the company left behind them,
+Bob, it might have been bearable; but, alas! they had bequeathed to
+us other relics,--their contempt, their very lowest contempt. Even my
+father's French was intelligible enough to show what he claimed,
+and what we could not deny him, to be. You can fancy, therefore, the
+impression they must have conceived of us!
+
+One of the worst features of this unlucky occurrence was that
+it happened at Baden. Baden is, so to say, one of those great
+banking-houses at which a note is sure to be presented at some period or
+other of its circulation, and here we were now,--declared a "forgery,"
+pronounced "not negotiable."
+
+These were the bitter thoughts which each of us had now to revolve in
+secret, tormenting our several ingenuities to find a remedy for the
+evil. The governor was apparently the first of us to rally, for
+he turned round at last to the table, cleared a small spot for his
+operations at a corner, helped himself to some of a game pie, and began
+to eat like one who had not relished such delicacies for some time back.
+
+"May I give you a glass of champagne, sir?" said I, seeing that he was
+"going in" with an air of determination.
+
+"With all my heart," responded he; "but I think you might as well open
+a fresh bottle." I did so, Bob, and followed it by another, of which I
+partook also.
+
+"There are some excellent fellows out there in the kitchen," said
+the governor. "There is a little lame tailor from Anspach, and an
+ivory-turner from the town of Lindau, both as agreeable companions as
+ever I journeyed with. Take them out that pie, James, and let the waiter
+fetch them half a dozen bottles of this red wine. Pay Jacob--he 's the
+tailor--four florins that I borrowed from him; and beg of Herman, a
+little Jewish rogue, with an Astracan cap, to keep my tobacco-bag, out
+of remembrance of me. Tell the assembled company that I 'll see them all
+by and by, for at present I have some family affairs to look after. Be
+civil and courteous with them, James, they all have been so to me; and
+if you 'll sit down at the table for half an hour, and converse with
+them, take my word for it, boy, you 'll not rise to go away without
+being both wiser and humbler."
+
+I set about my mission with a willing heart. I was glad to do anything
+which should give the governor even a momentary satisfaction; and I
+was well pleased, also, to mark the calm, dispassionate tone of his
+language.
+
+The "Lehr-Jungen" received me with a most respectful courtesy, in which,
+however, there was not the very slightest taint of subserviency
+or meanness. They showed me that they really felt kindly, and even
+affectionately, towards my father, who had been their companion for
+the last nine days on foot. They enjoyed in a high degree the dry humor
+which he possesses, and they relished his remarks on the country, and
+the people, through which they travelled, savoring as they did of a
+caustic shrewdness perfectly new to them. In fact, I soon saw that his
+frank temperament, enriched by that native quaintness every Irishman
+has his share of, had made him a prime favorite with them, and they were
+equally disposed to be flattered by his acquaintanceship as attached to
+himself. I sat with them till past midnight. Indeed, when I heard that
+our family had ordered bedrooms and retired for the night, I was not
+sorry to dissipate my cares, even in much humbler society than I had
+left home to foregather with.
+
+It is not necessary I should make any confession to you of my unlettered
+ignorance, nor own how deplorably deficient I am in every branch of
+knowledge or acquirement. I was a stupid schoolboy, and an idle one,
+and the result is not very difficult to imagine; and yet, with all these
+disadvantages, I have a lazy man's craving for information, if I only
+could obtain it easily. I 'd like to be cured, if the doctor would only
+make the physic palatable. Now, will you believe me, Bob, when I say
+that these poor travelling tradesfolk, patched and threadbare as they
+were, talked upon subjects of a very high character, and discussed them,
+too, with a shrewdness and propriety perfectly astonishing? I had been
+living in Germany for some six or eight months, and yet now, for the
+first time, did I hear mention made of the popular literature of the
+day,--who were the writers most in vogue, and what modifications public
+taste was undergoing, and how the mystical and the imaginative were
+giving way before a practical common-sense and commonplace spirit
+more adapted to the exigencies of our age. This, I must observe, they
+entirely ascribed to the influence of England, which they described as
+being paramount on the Continent since the peace. Not alone that the
+vast hordes of our nation flooded every land of Europe, but that our
+mechanical arts, our inventions, and our literature pervaded every nook
+and crevice of the Continent.
+
+As the tailor said, "It is not alone that we conform to your notions in
+dress, and endeavor to make our coats loose and square-skirted, to look
+English, but there is an Anglomania in all things, even where we will
+not confess it. Our novelists, too, have followed the fashion, and
+instead of those dreamy conceptions, where the possible and impossible
+were always in conflict, we have now domestic stories, ay, even before
+we have domesticity itself."
+
+I do not quote my friend Jacob for anything remarkable in the sentiment
+itself, though I believe it to be just and true; but to show the general
+tone of a conversation maintained for hours by a set of poor artisans,
+not one of whom would not be well contented could he earn a shilling a
+day.
+
+Perhaps you will ask me, if, in their several trades, these fellows were
+the equals of our own? In all probability they were not. The likelihood
+is, they were greatly inferior, as in every detail of the useful and the
+practical Germany is far behind us; but it is strange to speculate on
+what such a people may or might become, if their institutions should
+ever conform to the development of their natural intelligence. This,
+again, is the tailor's remark,--and I could "cabbage" from him for hours
+together.
+
+I thought a hundred times of _you_, Bob. How _you_ would have enjoyed
+this strange fraternity. What amusement--not to say something better
+and higher--you would have abstracted from them. What traits of native
+humor,--what studies of character! As for _me_, much, by far the greater
+part, was lost upon me for want of previous knowledge of the subjects
+they discussed. Of the kingdoms whose politics they canvassed I scarcely
+knew the names; of the books, I had not even heard the titles! I have no
+doubt many of their opinions were incorrect; much of what they uttered
+might have been illogical or inaccurate; but making a wide allowance for
+this, I was struck by the general acuteness of their remarks, and the
+tone of moderation and forbearance that characterized all they said.
+
+This brief intercourse has at least taught me one thing,--which is not
+to look down with any depreciating pity on the troops of these wayfarers
+we pass on the road, still less to ridicule their absurd appearance, or
+make a jest of their varied costume. I now know that amidst those motley
+figures are men of shrewd intelligence and cultivated minds, content to
+follow the very humblest callings, and quite satisfied if their share of
+this world's good things never rises higher than black bread and a cup
+of sour wine. I should like greatly to see something more of the gypsy
+life they lead, and if ever the opportunity offer, shall certainly not
+suffer it to escape me.
+
+We left the inn of the Moorg Thal at daybreak, my mother and Mary Anne
+in one carriage, the governor and myself in a little open caleche. He
+spoke little, and seemed deep in thought all the way. From an occasional
+expression he dropped, I dreaded to surmise that he had resolved on
+returning to Ireland. One remark which he made of more than ordinary
+bitterness was: "If we go on as we are doing, we shall at length close
+every town of Europe against us. We left Brussels in shame, and now we
+quit Baden in disgrace: the sooner this ends the better."
+
+We did not proceed the whole way to Baden, but stopped about a mile from
+it, at a village called Lichtenthal, where we found a comfortable inn,
+with moderate charges. From this I was despatched to our hotel, after
+nightfall, to arrange our affairs, settle our bill, fetch away our
+baggage, and make all necessary arrangements for departure.
+
+I am free to own that I entered on my mission with no common sense of
+shame. I knew, of course, how our story had by this time become the
+table-talk of Baden, and how, from the prince to the courier, "the
+Dodds" were the only topic. Such notoriety as this is no boon, and I
+confess, Bob, that I believe I could have submitted my hand to the knife
+with less shrinking of the spirit than I raised it to pull the door-bell
+of the Hotel de Russie.
+
+When a man has to encounter an anticipated humiliation, he usually puts
+on an extra amount of offensive armor. I suppose mine, on this occasion,
+must have been of unquestionable strength. None seemed willing to put
+it to the proof. The host was humble,--the waiters cringing,--the very
+porter fawned on me! The secretary--at your flash hotels abroad they
+always have a secretary, usually a Pole, who has an immense estate under
+sequestration somewhere,--this dread functionary, who, in presenting
+you the bill, ever gives you to understand that he is quite prepared to
+afford you personal satisfaction for any item in the score,--even he,
+I say, was bland, courteous, and gentle. I little knew at the moment to
+what circumstance I owed all this unexpected politeness, and that this
+silky courtesy was a very different testimony from what I suspected;
+it being neither more nor less than the joyful astonishment of the
+household at seeing one of us again, and an amazement, rising to
+enthusiastic delight, at the bare possibility of our paying our bill!
+Already in their estimation the "Dodd family" had been pronounced
+swindlers, and various speculations were abroad as to the value of the
+several trunks, imperials, and valises we had left behind us.
+
+My mother, in her abject misery,--you may imagine the amount of it from
+the circumstance,--had given me her bank-book, with full liberty to
+deal with the balance in her favor. In fact, such was her dread of
+encountering one of her former acquaintances, that I verily believe she
+would have agreed to an exile to Siberia rather than pass one more week
+at Baden. Our bill was a swingeing one. With all the external show of
+politeness, I plainly saw that they treated us just as Napoleon used to
+treat a conquered nation whose imputed misconduct had outlawed it! For
+_us_ there was no appeal; _we_ could not threaten the indignation of
+powerful friends,--the terrors of fashionable exposure,--not even the
+hackneyed expedient of a letter in the "Times"! Alas! we had ceased to
+be "reasonable and sufficient bail" for any statement.
+
+Such charges never were seen before, I 'd swear. Dinners and suppers
+figured as unimportant matters. It was the "extraordinaires" that ruined
+us; for your hotel-keeper is obliged, for very shame's sake, to observe
+a semblance of decorum in his demands for recognized items. It is in
+the indefinable that he revels; just as your geographer indulges every
+caprice of his imagination when laying down the limits of land and water
+at the Pole!
+
+It would not amuse, nor could it instruct you, were I to give the
+details of this iniquitous demand. I shall therefore spare you all,
+save the grand fact of the total, wherein something less than six weeks'
+living of four people, with as many servants, amounts to a fraction
+under three hundred pounds sterling! Meanwhile, the price of rooms,
+breakfasts, beds, &c, were all reasonable enough. It was "Eclairage,"
+"Service," "Receptions, Mardi," "Mercredi," and "Jeudi." These were the
+heavy artillery, to which all the rest was a light-dropping fire. This
+bill-settling is indeed an awful process; for when you rally from the
+first horror-stricken feelings that the sum total calls up, and are
+blandly asked by the smirking secretary, "To what is it that Monsieur
+objects?" you are totally powerless and prostrated. Your natural impulse
+would be to say, "To the whole of it,--to that infamous row of figures
+at the bottom!"
+
+In all probability, you never made an hotel bill in your life. The
+wretches know this, and they feel the full force of your unhappy
+situation. Just fancy a surgeon saying, "What particular part of the
+operation do you dislike, sir? It can't be the first incision; I made
+it in Cooper's method,--one sweep of the knife. You surely have no
+complaint about the arteries,--I took them up in eighteen seconds by a
+stop-watch." "What do I care for all this?" you answer. "I know nothing
+about science, but I am fully open to the impression of pain." Nothing,
+however, kills me like the fellow saying, "If Monsieur thinks the
+lemonade too dear, we'll take off half a franc." Two-and-sixpence
+deducted from a bill of three hundred pounds!
+
+I went through all this, and more. I went through special appeal cases,
+from twenty subordinates, on peculiar infractions of broken heads,
+smashed crockery, and damaged furniture, which each assured me in turn
+"would be charged against _him_" if Monsieur had not the honorable
+"consideration"--that's the formula--to pay it. I satisfied some, I
+compromised with others; I resisted none. No, Bob. There was no "locus
+standi," as you would call it, for opposition. None of the Dodds could
+come into court, and claim to be heard as witnesses.
+
+This agreeable function concluded, I drove off to the Police Commissary
+about our passport. The "authorities" had finished the duties of the
+day. The bureau was closed. I asked where the "authorities" lived, and
+was told the street and the number. I went there, but the "authorities"
+were at their _cafe_. They liked "their dominos and their beer;" and why
+should they not have their weaknesses?
+
+I hastened to the cafe; not one of those brilliantly decorated and
+lighted establishments where foreigners of all nations foregather, but
+a dim-looking, musty, sanded-floored, smoke-dried den, filled with a
+company to suit. There was that mysterious half-light, and that low
+whispering sound which seemed to form a fit atmosphere for spies and
+eavesdroppers, of which I need scarcely tell you government officials
+are composed.
+
+By the guidance of the waiter, I reached the table where the Herr von
+Schureke was seated at his dominos. He was a beetle-browed, scowling,
+ill-conditioned-looking gent of about fifty, who had a trick of coughing
+a hard dry cough between every word he uttered.
+
+"Ah," said he, after. I explained the object of my visit, "you want
+your passport. You wish to leave Baden, and you come here, to give your
+orders to the Polizey Beamten as if you were the Grand-Duke!"
+
+I deprecated this intention in my politest German; but he went on.
+
+"Es geht nicht"--literally, "It 's no go "--"my worthy friend. We are
+not the officials of England. We are Badenere. We are the functionaries
+of an independent sovereign. You can't bully us here with your
+line-of-battle ships, your frigates, and bomb-boats."
+
+"No. Gott bewahr!" echoed the company; "that will do elsewhere,--but
+Baden is free!"
+
+The enthusiasm, the sentiment evoked brought all the guests from the
+several tables to swarm around us.
+
+I assured the meeting that Cobden and Co. were not more pacifically
+minded than I was; that as to anything like threat, menace, or insolence
+towards the Grand-Duchy, it never came within thousands of miles of
+my thoughts; that I came to make the civilest of requests, in the very
+humblest of manner; and if by ill-luck the distinguished functionary I
+had the honor to address should not deem either the time opportune, or
+the place suitable--
+
+"You'll make it an affair for your House of Commons," broke he in.
+
+"Or your 'Ti-mes' newspaper!" cried another, converting the title of the
+Thunderer into a strange dissyllable.
+
+"Or your Secretary of State will tell us that you are a 'Civis
+Romanue,'" wheezed out a small man, that I heard was Archivist of
+something, somewhere.
+
+"Britannia rule de waves, but do not rule de Grand-Duchy," muttered a
+fourth, in English, to show that he was thoroughly imbued, not alone
+with our language, but the spirit of our Constitution.
+
+"Really, gentlemen," said I, "I am quite at a loss for any reason for
+this audible outburst of nationality. I dis-claim the very remotest
+idea of offending Baden, or anything belonging to it. I entertain
+no intention of converting my case into a question of international
+dispute. I simply wait my passport, and free permission to leave the
+Grand-Duchy and all belonging to it."
+
+This declaration was unanimously pronounced insolent, offensive, and
+insulting; and a vast number of unpleasant remarks poured down upon
+England and Englishmen, which, I need not tell you, are not worth
+repetition. The end of all was that I lost temper too,--the wonder is
+how I kept it so long,--and ventured to hint that people of my country
+had sometimes the practice of righting themselves, when wronged, instead
+of tormenting their Government or pestering the "Times" newspaper; and
+that if they had any curiosity as to the _how_, I should be most happy
+to favor any one with the information that would follow me into the
+street.
+
+There was a perfect Babel of angry vociferation as I said this; the
+meaning of which I might guess, though the words were unintelligible;
+and as I issued forth into the street, expressions of angry indignation
+and insult were actually showered upon me. I reached Lichtenthal late
+at night; the governor was in bed, and I hastened to "report myself"
+to him. This done, I sat down to give you this full narration of
+our doings; and only regret that I must conclude without telling you
+anything of our future plans, of which I know actually nothing. I should
+have spared you the uninteresting scene with the authorities, if you had
+not asked me, in your last, "Whether the respect felt towards England by
+every foreign nation did not invest the travelling Englishman with many
+privileges and immunities unknown to others?" I have heard that such was
+once the case. I believe, indeed, there was a time that any absurdity
+or excess of John Bull would have been set down as mere eccentricity,--a
+dash of that folly ascribable to our insular tastes and habits; but this
+is all changed now! Partly from our own conduct, in part from real and
+sometimes merely imputed acts of our rulers, and partly from the tone of
+our Press, which no foreigner can ever be brought to understand aright,
+we have got to be thought a set of spendthrift, wealthy, reckless
+misers, lavish and economical by tarns, socially proud and exclusive,
+but politically red republican and levelling,--tyrants in our
+families, and democrats in the world; in fact, a sort of living mass of
+contradictory qualities, not rendered more endurable by coarse tastes
+and rude manners! This, at least, Morris told me, and he is a shrewd
+observer, like many of those sleepy-eyed, quiet "coves" one meets with.
+Not that he reads individuals like Tiverton! No: George is unequalled
+in ready dissection of a man's motives, and will detect a dodge before
+another begins to suspect it. I wish he were back; I feel frequently
+so helpless without his counsel and advice. The turf is, surely, a
+wonderful school for sharpening a man's faculties, and it gives you the
+habit of connecting words with motives, and asking yourself, "What
+does So-and-so mean by that?" "What is he up to now?" that at last you
+decipher character, let its lines be written in the very faintest ink!
+
+Our post leaves at daybreak, so that I shall just have time for this.
+When I write next, I 'll answer--that is, if I can--all your questions
+about myself, what I mean to do, and when to begin it.
+
+Not, indeed, that they are themes I like to touch upon, for somehow all
+the quiet pursuits of life look wonderfully slow and tiresome affairs in
+comparison with the panoramic effects of travel. The perpetual change
+of scene, actors, and incidents supplies in itself that amount of
+excitement which, under other circumstances, calls for so much exertion
+and effort. There is another thing, also, which has always given me
+great discouragement. It is that the humbler walks of life require not
+only an amount of labor, but of actual ability, that are never called
+for in higher positions. Think of the work a fellow does as a doctor
+or a lawyer; and think of the brains, too, he has to bring to these
+careers, and then picture to yourself a man in a Government situation,
+some snug colonial governorship, or something at home,--say, he's
+Secretary-at-War, or has something in the household. He writes his name
+at the foot of an occasional report or a despatch, and he puts on his
+blue ribbon, or his grand cross, as it may be, on birthdays. There's the
+whole of it! As Tiverton says, "One needs more blood and bone nowadays
+for the hack stakes than the Derby;" he means, of course, in allusion to
+real life, and not to the turf! Don't fancy that I take it in ill part
+any remarks you make upon my idleness, nor its probable consequences.
+We are old friends, Bob; but even were we not, I accept them as sin-cere
+evidence of true interest and regard, though I may not profit by them
+as I ought. The Dodds are an impracticable race, and in nothing more
+so than by fully appreciating all their faults, and yet never making an
+effort for their eradication.
+
+Some people are civil enough to say how very Irish this is; but I think
+it is only so in half, inasmuch as our perceptions are sharp enough to
+show us even in ourselves those blemishes which your blear-eyed Saxon
+would never have discovered anywhere. Do you agree with me? Whether
+or not, my dear Bob, continue to esteem and believe me ever your
+affectionate friend,
+
+James Dodd.
+
+Though I am totally innocent as to our future, it is better not to write
+till you hear again from me, for of course we shall leave this at once;
+but where for? that's the question.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXXIII. KENNY JAMES DODD TO MR. PURCELL, OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+
+My dear Tom,--I am not in a humor for letter-writing, nor, indeed, for
+anything else that I know of. I am sick, sore, and sorry,--sick of the
+world, sore in my feet, and sorry of heart that I ever consented to come
+out upon this touring expedition, every step and mile of which is marked
+by its own misery and misfortune. I got back--I won't say home, for it
+would be an abuse of the word--on Wednesday last I travelled all the way
+on foot, with something less than one-and-fourpence English for my daily
+expenses, and arrived to find my wife entertaining, at a picnic, all
+Baden and its vicinity, with pheasants and champagne enough to feast
+the London Corporation, and an amount of cost and outlay that would have
+made Dodsborough brilliant during a whole Assizes.
+
+I broke up the meeting, perhaps less ceremoniously than a Cabinet
+Council is dissolved at Osborne House, where the Ministers, after
+luncheon, embark--as the "Court Journal" tells--on board the "Fairy," to
+meet the express train for London: valuable facts, that we never weary
+of reading! I routed them without even reading the Riot Act, and saw
+myself "master of the situation;" and a very pretty situation it was.
+
+Now, Tom, when the best of two evils at a man's choice is to expose his
+family as vulgar pretenders and adventurers,--to show them up to
+the fine world of their fashionable acquaintances as a humbug and a
+sham,--let me tell you that the other side of the medal cannot have been
+very attractive. This was precisely the case here. "It is not pleasant,"
+said I to myself, "to bring all the scandal and slander of professional
+bad tongues upon an unfortunate family, but ruin is worse still!" There
+was the whole sum and substance of my calculation,--"Ruin is worse
+still!" The picnic cost above a hundred pounds; the hotel expenses at
+Baden amounted to three hundred more; there are bills to be paid at
+nearly every shop in the town; and here we are, economizing, as usual,
+at a large hotel, at, to say the least, the rate of some five or six
+pounds per day. That I am able to sit down and write these items in a
+clear and legible hand, I take to be as fine an example of courage as
+ever was given to the world. Talk of men in a fire--an earthquake--a
+shipwreck--or even the "last collision on the South-Eastern"--I give the
+palm to the man who can be calm in the midst of duns, and be _collected_
+when his debts cannot be. To be credited when you can no longer pay,--to
+drink champagne when you have n't small change for small beer, is enough
+to shake the boldest nerves; it is exactly like dancing on a tight rope,
+from which you know in your heart you must ultimately come down with a
+crash. When one reads of any sudden calamity having befallen a man who
+has incurred voluntary peril, the natural question at once rises, "What
+did he want to do? What was he trying for?" Now, suppose this question
+to be addressed to the Dodd family, and that any one should ask, "What
+did we want to do?" I am sadly afraid, Tom, that we should be puzzled
+for the answer. I have no doubt that my wife would sustain a long and
+harassing cross-examination before the truth would come out I am well
+aware of all the specious illusions she would evoke, and what sagacious
+notions she would scatter about education, accomplishments, modern
+languages, and maybe--mother-like--great matches for the girls, but the
+truth would out, at last,--we came abroad to be something--whatever it
+might be--that we could n't be at home; we changed our theatre, that we
+might take a new line of parts. We wanted, in short, to be in a world
+that we never were in before, and we have had our wish. I am not going
+to rail at fashionable life and high society. I am sure that, to those
+brought up in their ways, they are both pleasant and agreeable; but they
+never were our ways, and we were too old when we began to learn
+them. The grand world, to people like us, is like going up Mont
+Blanc,--fatigue, peril, expense, injury to health, and ruin to pocket,
+just to have the barren satisfaction of saying,
+
+"I was up there last August--I was at the top in June." "What did you
+get for your pains, Kenny Dodd? What did you see for all the trouble
+you had? Are you wiser?" "No." "Are you happier?" "No." "Are you better
+informed?" "No." "Are you pleasanter company for your old friends?"
+"No." "Are you richer?" "Upon my conscience, I am not! All I know is,
+that we were there, and that we came down again." Ay, Tom, there 's
+the moral of the whole story,--we came _down_ again! Had we limited our
+ambition, when we came abroad, to things reasonably attainable,--had we
+been satisfied to know and to associate with people like ourselves,--had
+we sought out the advantages which certainly the Continent possesses
+in certain matters of taste and accomplishment, we might have got
+something, at least, for our money, and not paid too dearly for it But,
+no; the great object with us seemed always to be, swimming for our lives
+in the great ocean of fashion. And, let me tell you a secret, Tom; this
+grovelling desire to be amongst a set that we have no pretension to, is
+essentially and entirely English. No foreigner, so far as I have seen,
+has the vulgar vice of what is called "tuft-hunting." When I see my
+countrymen abroad, I am forcibly reminded of what I once witnessed at a
+show of wild beasts. It was a big cage full of monkeys, that were eating
+their dinner at a long trough, but none of them would taste what was
+before himself, but was always eating out of his neighbor's dish. It
+gave them the oddest look in the world; but it is exactly what you
+see on the Continent; and I 'll tell you what fosters this taste more
+strongly than all. Our titled classes at home are a close borough, that
+men like you and myself never trespass upon. We see a lord as we see a
+prize bull at a cattle show, once and away in our lives; but here the
+aristocracy is plentiful,--barons, counts, and even princes abound, and
+can be obtained at the "shortest notice, and sent to any part of the
+town." Think of the fascination of this; fancy the delight of a family
+like the Dodds, surrounded with dukes and marquises! One of the very
+first things that strikes a man on coming abroad is the abundance of
+that kind of fruit that we only see at home in our hot-houses. Every
+ragged urchin is munching a peach or a melon, and picking the big
+grapes off a bunch that he speedily flings away. The astonishment of the
+Englishman is great, and he naturally thinks it all paradise. But wait
+a bit. He soon discovers that the melon has no more flavor than a
+mangel-wurzel, and that the apricot tastes like a turnip radish. If
+they are plenty, they are totally deficient in every excellence of
+their kind; and it is just the same with the aristocracy. The climate
+is favorable to them, and the same sun and soil rears princes and ripens
+pineapples; but they 're not like our own, Tom,--not a bit of it. Like
+the fruit, they are poor, sapless, tasteless productions, and the very
+utmost they do for you is to give you a downright indifference to the
+real article. I know how it reads in the newspapers, in a letter dated
+from some far-away land, on a Christmas-day,--"As I write, my window is
+open; the garden is one sea of blossoms, and the perfume of the rose
+and the jasmine fills the room." Just the same is the effect of those
+wonderful paragraphs of distinguished and illustrious guests at Mrs.
+Somebody's _soiree_. They are the common products of the soil, and they
+do not rise to the rank of luxuries with even the poor! Don't mistake
+me; I am not depreciating what is called high society, no more than I
+would condemn a particular climate. All that I would infer is, simply,
+that it does not suit my constitution. It's a very common remark, how
+much more easily women conform to the habits and customs of a class
+above their own than men, and, so far as I have seen, the observation is
+a just one; but, let me tell you, Tom, the price they pay for this same
+plastic quality is more than the value of the article, for they lose all
+self-guidance and judgment by the change. Your quietly disposed,
+domestic ones turn out gadders, your thrifty housekeepers grow lavish
+and wasteful, your safe and cautious talkers become evil speakers and
+slanderers. It is not that these are the characteristics of the new sect
+they have adopted, but that, like all converts, they always begin their
+imitation with the vices of the faith they conform to, and by way of
+laying a good foundation, they start from the bottom!
+
+If I say these things in bitterness, it is because I feel them in
+sincerity. Poor old Giles Langrishe used to say that all the expenses
+of contested elections, all the bribery and treating, all the cost of a
+Parliamentary life, would never have embarrassed him, if it was n't
+for his wife going to London. "It wasn't only what she spent," said he,
+"while there; but Molly brought Piccadilly back with her to the county
+Clare! She turned up her nose at all our old neighbors, because they
+did n't know the Prussian ambassador, or Chevalier Somebody from the
+Brazils. The only man that could fit her in shoes lived in Bond Street;
+and as to getting her hair dressed, except by a French scoundrel that
+made wigs for the aristocracy, it was clearly impossible." And I 'll
+tell you another thing, Tom, our wives get a kind of smattering of
+political knowledge by this trip to town, that makes them unbearable.
+They hear no other talk all the morning than the cant of the House and
+the slang of the Lobby. It's a dodge of Sir James, or a sly trick
+of Lord John, that forms the gossip at breakfast; and all the little
+rogueries of political life, all the tactics of party, are discussed
+before them, and when they take to that line of talk they become
+perfectly odious.
+
+Haven't they their own topics? Isn't dancing, dress, the drama, enough
+for them, I ask?--without even speaking of divorce cases,--that they
+won't leave bills, motions, and debates to their husbands? Whenever
+I see Mrs. Roney, of Bally Roney, or Mrs. Miles MacDermot, of Castle
+Brack, in the "Morning Post," among the illustrious company at Lady
+Wheedleham's party, I say to myself, "I wish your neighbors joy of you
+when you go home again, that's all!"
+
+And yet all this would have been better for me than this coming abroad!
+I might have been member for Bruff for half the cost of this unlucky
+expedition! And this was economy, forsooth! Do you know how much we
+spent, hard cash, since March last? I am fairly ashamed to tell you,
+Tom; and though money lies mighty close to my heart, I don't regret the
+loss as much as I do that of many a good trait that we brought away with
+us, and have contrived to lose on the road. All this running about the
+world, this eternal change of place and people, imparts such an "Old
+Soldierism," if I may make the word, to a family, that they lose all
+that quiet charm of domesticity that forms the fascination of a home.
+
+Fathers and mothers are worldly, as a matter of course. It comes upon
+them just like chronic rheumatism, or baldness, or any other infirmity
+of time and years, but it's hateful to see young people calculating and
+speculating; planning for this, and plotting for that. You ask, perhaps,
+"What has this to do with foreign travel?" and I say, "Everything." Your
+young lady that has polka'd at Paris, galloped up the Rhine, waltzed
+at Vienna, and bolero'd at Madrid, has about as much resemblance to
+an English or Irish girl brought up at home as the show-off horse of
+a circus has to a thoroughbred hunter. It's all training and
+teaching,--very graceful, perhaps, and pretty to look at,--but only fit
+for display, and worth nothing without lamps, sawdust, and spectators.
+Now, these things are not native to us, partly from climate, partly from
+old habit, prejudice, and natural inclination. We like to have a home.
+Our fireside has a kind of religious estimation in our eyes, associated
+as it is with that family grouping that includes everything from two
+years and a half to eighty,--from the pleasant prattle of infancy to the
+harmless murmurings of grandpapa. The foreigner--I don't care of what
+nation, they are all alike--has no idea of this. His own house to him is
+only one remove above a prison. He has little light, and less fire;
+neither comfort nor companionship! For him, life means society, plenty
+of well-dressed people, handsome _salons_, wax-lights, movement, bustle,
+and confusion, the din of five hundred tongues that only wag for
+scandal, and the sparkle of eyes that are only brilliant for wickedness.
+
+These foreigners are really wonderful people, so frivolous about all
+that is grave or serious, so sober-minded in every folly and absurdity,
+we never rightly understand them, and that is one reason why all our
+imitation of them is so ludicrous.
+
+Have you ever seen a fellow in a circus, Tom, whose feat was to jump
+from a horse's back through some half-dosen hoops a little bigger than
+his body? He has kept this performance for his finish, for it is his
+_chef d'oeuvre_ and he wants to "sink in full glory resplendent."
+Somehow or other, though, he can't summon up pluck for the effort. Now
+the horse goes wrong leg, now it's the fault of the fellows that hold
+the hoops, now the pace is not fast enough; in fact, nothing goes right
+with him, and there he spins round and round, wishing with all his heart
+it was done and over. I 'm pretty much in the same plight this moment,
+Tom, at least as regards hesitation and indecision; for while I have
+been rambling on about foreign life and manners, my mind was full of a
+very different theme; but from downright shame have I kept off it, for
+I 'm tired of recording all our miseries and misfortunes. Here goes,
+however, for the spring,--I can't defer it any longer.
+
+Since I came back, I have n't exchanged ten words with Mrs. D. It is an
+armed truce between us, and each stands ready, and only waiting for
+the attack. If, however, I consign to oblivion all remembrance of _her_
+extravagance, the chance is that she is to keep blind to my infidelity!
+In a word, the picnic and Mrs. G. are to be buried together. Of course
+the terms of our convention prevented my learning much of the family
+doings in my absence. Even had I moved for any papers or correspondence
+on the subject, I should have been met by a flat refusal; and, in fact,
+I was left, the way poor Curran used to say of himself, to pick up my
+facts from the opposite counsel's statement. I was not long destined to
+the bliss of ignorance. Such a hurricane of bills and accounts I never
+withstood before. James, however, by what arts of flattery I know not,
+succeeded in getting bold of his mother's bank-book, and went out, a
+few evenings ago, and paid everything; and, that we might escape at once
+from this den of iniquity, went immediately to the Prefecture for our
+passport. The Commissary was at his _cafe_, whither James followed him,
+and, somehow or other, an angry discussion got up between them, and they
+separated, after exchanging something that was not the compliments of
+the season.
+
+I 'm so used to rows and shindies that I went fast asleep while he was
+telling me of it; but the following morning I was to have a jog to my
+memory that I did n't expect,--no less than two gendarmes, with their
+carbines on their arms, having arrived to escort me to the "Bureau of
+the Police." I dressed accordingly, and set out alone; for although
+James might have been useful in many ways, I was too much afraid of
+his rashness and hot temper to take him. We arrived before the door
+was open, and spent twenty minutes in the street, surrounded by a mixed
+assemblage, who commented upon me and my supposed crime with great
+freedom and impartiality.
+
+After another long wait in a dirty ante-room, I was ushered into a large
+chamber, where the great functionary was seated at a table covered with
+papers, and at a smaller one, close by, sat what I perceived to be his
+clerk, or private secretary. Of course I imagined it was for something
+that James had said the previous evening that I was thus arraigned,
+and though I thought it was like reading the passage in the Decalogue
+backwards, to make the father suffer for the children, I resolved to be
+patient and submissive throughout.
+
+"Your name?" said the Commissary, bluntly, but never offering me a seat,
+nor even noticing my "Good-morning."
+
+"Dodd," said I, as shortly.
+
+"Christian name?"
+
+"Kenny James."
+
+"Where born?"
+
+"At Bruff, in Ireland."
+
+"How old?"
+
+"Upwards of fifty,--not certain for a year, more or less."
+
+"Religion?"
+
+"Catholic."
+
+"Married or single?"
+
+"Married."
+
+"With children,--how many?"
+
+"Three,--a boy and two girls."
+
+"Do you follow any trade or profession?"
+
+"No."
+
+"Living upon private means?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+These, and a vast number of similar queries--they filled five sheets of
+long post--followed, touching where we came from, how we had travelled,
+our object in the journey, and twenty things of the like kind, till I
+began to feel that the examination in itself was not a small penalty
+for a light transgression. At last, after a close scrutiny into all
+my family matters, my money resources, and my habits, he entered upon
+another chapter, which I own I thought was pushing the matter rather
+far, by saying, "Apparently, Herr Dodd, you are one of those who think
+that the monarchies of Europe are obsolete systems of government, ill
+suited to the spirit and requirements of the age. Is it not so?"
+
+If I had only a moment's time for reflection, I should have said, "What
+is it to you how I think on these subjects? I don't belong to your
+country, and will render no account of my private sentiments to you;"
+but, unfortunately, a discussion on politics is always "nuts" to me,--I
+can't resist it,--and in I went, with that kind of specious generality
+that lays down a broad and wide foundation for any edifice you like
+afterwards to rear.
+
+"Kings," said I, "are pretty much like other men,--good, bad, or
+indifferent, and, like other men, they are not bettered by being left
+to the sway of their own unbridled passions and tempers. Wherever,
+therefore, there is no constitution to bind them, the chances are that
+they make ducks and drakes of their subjects."
+
+I must tell you, Tom, that we conducted our interview in English, which
+the Commissary spoke fluently.
+
+"The divine right of kings, then, you utterly overlook?"
+
+"I deny it,--I laugh it to scorn," said I. "Look at the fellows we see
+on thrones,--one is a creature fit for Bedlam; another ought to be in
+Norfolk Island. If they possessed any of this divine right you talk
+of, should we have seen them scuttling away as they did the other day,
+because there was a row in their capitals?"
+
+"That will do,--quite enough," said he, stopping me short. "Your
+sentiments are sufficiently clear and explicit. You are a worthy
+disciple of your friend Gauss."
+
+"I never heard of him till now," said I.
+
+"Nor of Isaac Henkenstrom?--nor Reichard Blitzler?--nor Johann von
+Darg?"
+
+"Not one of them."
+
+"This you swear?"
+
+"This I swear," said I, firmly; but the words were not well out, when
+the door was opened at a signal made by the Commissary, and an old man,
+with a very white beard and in shabby black, was led forward.
+
+"Do you know the Herr Professor now?" asked the Commissary of me.
+
+"No," said I, stoutly,--"never saw him before."
+
+"Bring in the others," said he; and, to my astonishment, came forward
+three of the young fellows I had travelled with on foot from Saxony, but
+whose names I had not heard, or, if I heard, had forgotten.
+
+"Are these men known to you?" asked the Prefect, with a sneer.
+
+"Yes," said I; "we travelled in company for some days."
+
+"Ah! you acknowledge them at last?" said he, "although you swore you had
+never seen them."
+
+"Are you so stupid," said I, "as not to distinguish between a man's
+knowledge of an individual and his remembrance of a name?"
+
+"You yourself might be a puzzle in that respect," replied he, not
+heeding my taunt. "You assumed one appellation at Bonn, another at Ems,
+and your family are living under a third here."
+
+"I deny it!" cried I, indignantly.
+
+"Here 's the proof," said he. "Is this your wife's hand-writing? 'Mrs.
+Dodd M'Carthy requests the favor of having two gendarmes stationed
+at the hotel on each Wednesday evening, to keep order in the line of
+carriages at her receptions.' Is that authentic?"
+
+What a shell exploded beneath me, as I saw that I was tracked by the
+spies of the police from town to village up the Rhine, and half across
+Germany! The three youths with whom I was confronted were already
+condemned to prison. One had a tobacco bag, with a picture of Blum on
+it; the other was detected with a case-knife, whose blade exceeded
+the regulation length by half an inch; and the third was heard to say,
+"Germany forever," as he tossed off a tumbler of beer; and I was the
+associate and trusted comrade of this combined Socialism and Democracy.
+It came out that amongst our fraternity of the road there had been a
+paid spy of the police, who kept a regular journal of all our wayside
+conversation; and from the singularity of an Englishman's presence
+in such a party, it was inferred that his object was to spread those
+infamous doctrines by which it is now well known England sustains her
+position in Europe.
+
+The absurdity I could laugh at, but there were some things in the matter
+not to be treated lightly. With my name at Ems they had no possible
+concern. Ems was in Nassau, not Baden. What could have persuaded my wife
+to call herself Dodd M'Carthy? We were always Dodd; we never had any
+other name. I could n't explain this, nor even give it a coloring; but
+I grew angry, Tom, vexed and irritated by the pestering impertinence of
+this pumping scoundrel. I said a vast number of things which had
+been better unsaid. I gave a great deal of good advice, too, about
+legislation generally, that I might have known would not have been
+accepted; and, in fact, I was what would be called generally indiscreet;
+the more, since all my remarks were committed to paper as fast as I made
+them, the whole being courteously submitted to me for signature, as if I
+had been purposely making a confession of my political belief.
+
+"Give me my passport," cried I, at last, "and let me quit your little
+rascally territory of spies and sharpers. I promise you sacredly I 'll
+never put foot in it again."
+
+"Not so fast, my worthy friend," said he. "We must first know under
+which of your aliases you are to travel; meanwhile, we shall take the
+liberty of committing you to prison as Herr Dodd!"
+
+"To prison!--for what crime?" cried I, nearly choking with passion.
+
+"You 'll hear it all time enough," was the only response, as, ringing
+his bell, he summoned the gendarmes, who, advancing one to either side
+of me, led me away like a common malefactor.
+
+The prison is a kind of Bridewell, over a livery-stable, and only meant
+as a "station" before being forwarded to the larger establishment at
+Carlsruhe. I suppose, had they wished it, they could not have accorded
+me any place of separate confinement; for there was but scanty space,
+and many occupants. As it was, my lot was to be put in the same cell
+with two fellows just apprehended for a murder, and who obligingly
+entered into a full narrative of their crime, believing that _my_
+revelations would be equally interesting. I lost no time in writing a
+note to James, and another to our English Charge d'Affaires, a young
+attache, I believe, of the Legation at Stuttgard.
+
+James and the sucking diplomatist were both out, so that I had no answer
+from either till evening. During this interval I had much meditation
+over the state of politics in Germany, and the probable future of that
+country, of which I shall take another occasion to tell you.
+
+At six o'clock came the following, enclosed in a very large envelope,
+and sealed with a very spacious impression of the English Arms:--
+
+"The undersigned Attache of H. B. M.'s Legation at the Court of
+Stuttgard has the honor to acknowledge receipt of Mr. Kenny J. Dodd's
+communication of this morning's date, and will lay it under the
+consideration of H. B. M.'s Principal Secretary of State for Foreign
+Affairs."
+
+This was pleasant, forsooth! And was I to remain in jail till the
+despatch had reached London, a deliberation formed on it, and an answer
+returned? I was boiling over with rage at this thought, when James
+entered. He had just been with our illustrious Charge d'Affaires, who
+received him with that diplomatic reserve so peculiar amongst the
+small fry of the Foreign Office. At the same time James saw a lurking
+satisfaction in his manner at the thought of having got up a case of
+international dispute, which might have his name mentioned in the House,
+and possibly a despatch with his signature printed in a Blue Book. He
+was dying for an opportunity of distinguishing himself, as Baden offered
+nothing to his ambition; and all his fear was, that the authorities
+might liberate me too soon. James perceived all this,--for the lad
+is not wanting in shrewdness, and his Continental life, if it has
+not bettered his morals, has certainly sharpened his wit; but all his
+arguments were unavailing, and all his reasonings useless. The
+despatch was already begun, and it was too good a grievance to let slip
+unprofitably.
+
+James next called on a friend of his, a certain Mr. Milo Blake O'Dwyer,
+who is the correspondent of a great London paper called the "Sledge
+Hammer of Freedom;" but instead of advice and guidance, the worthy
+news-gatherer was taking down all the particulars for a grand letter
+to his journal; and he, too, it was plain to see, wished that
+some outrageous treatment of me by the authorities would make his
+communication the great event of that day's post in London. "I wish they
+'d put him in irons,--in heavy irons," said he. "Are you sure that his
+cell is not eight feet below the surface of the earth? Be particular,
+I beg of you, about the depth. You saw how Gladstone destroyed that
+elegant case of Poerio, all for want of a little accuracy in his
+measurements; for, I must observe to you, in all our 'correspondence,'
+names, dates, and distances require to be true as the Bible. Facts admit
+of varnishing. They can be always stretched a little this way or that.
+Now, for instance, we 'll call the conduct of the authorities in this
+case brutal, cowardly, and disgraceful. We 'll appeal to the universally
+acknowledged right of Englishmen to do everything everywhere, and we
+'ll wind up with a grand peroration about Despotism and the glorious
+privileges of the British Constitution."
+
+The fellow chuckled over my case with unfeigned satisfaction. He would
+n't listen to the real, plain facts of the matter at all. They were
+poor, meagre, and insignificant in themselves, till they had acquired
+the touch of genius to illustrate them; and though I was a gem, as
+he owned, yet, like the Koh-i-noor, I was nothing without cutting. He
+appears, besides, to think that he has a kind of vested interest in me,
+now that my case is to figure in his newspaper, and he contradicts my
+own statements flatly wherever they don't suit him.
+
+I have just despatched James to assure him that I don't care a rush
+about the sympathy of the whole British public; that I have no taste
+for martyrdom; and that, as to expending any hopes in redress from our
+Foreign Office, I'd as soon make an investment in Poyais Scrip, or Irish
+Canal Debentures. I trust that he will be induced to leave me alone, and
+neither make me matter for the Press nor a speech in Parliament.
+
+These reporters, or correspondents, or whatever they call them, are, in
+my mind, the greatest disturbers of the peace of Europe. The moment they
+assert anything, they set about looking for proofs of it; and they
+don't know how to praise themselves enough, whenever they are driven to
+confess that they were in the wrong; and then, if you mind, Tom, it is
+not to the public they excuse themselves,--not a bit of it; it's the
+King of Naples, or the Emperor of Russia, or the Bey of Tiflis, that
+"they sincerely hope will not be offended by statements made after
+mature reflection and painful consideration of the topic." They throw
+out sly hints of all the Royal attentions that have been bestowed upon
+them, and the intimate habits they have enjoyed of confidence with the
+Queen of this, and the Crown Prince of that Vulgar rapscallions! they
+have never seen more of Royalty than what a church or an opera admits;
+and though Majesty now and then may feel the sting, take my word for it,
+he never notices the mosquito.
+
+If you, then, see me in print,--and be on the look-out,--just write a
+letter in my name from Dodsborough, to say that I am well and hearty on
+my paternal acres, and know nothing of politics, police, or reporters,
+and would rather the Government would reduce the county cess than
+prosecute every Grand-Duke in Europe.
+
+I will write again to-morrow. Yours ever,
+
+K. I. Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXXIV. KENNY JAMES DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF
+
+"The Fox."
+
+My dear Tom,--However Morris managed it I know not, but an order came
+for my liberation that same evening, with the assurance that my passport
+was to be made out for wherever I pleased to name, and the Prefect was
+to express to me his regrets and apologies for an inadvertence which he
+deeply deplored.
+
+It seemed that, but for diplomacy, I'd not have been detained half
+an hour; but our worthy representative of Great Britain had asked for
+copies of all the charges against me so formally, had requested
+the names, ages, and station in life of the several witnesses so
+circumstantially, and had, in fact, imparted such a mock importance to
+a police impertinence, that the Grand-Ducal authorities began to suspect
+that they had caught a first-rate revolutionist, with a whole trunkful
+of Kossuth and Mazzini correspondence. This comes of setting school-boys
+to write despatches! The greedy appetite for notoriety--to be up
+and doing--to be before the world in some public capacity--of these
+juveniles, brings England into more trouble, and Englishmen into more
+embarrassment, than you could believe. If they 'd be satisfied with
+recording Royal dinnerparties and Court scandal,--who got the Order of
+the Guinea-pig, and who is to receive the "Tortoise," they could n't do
+much harm; but the moment they get hold of an international grievance,
+and quote Puffendorf, we have no peace on the Continent for six months
+after.
+
+"You wish to leave Baden," said Morris; "where will you go?"
+
+"I have not the slightest notion," said I. "I'm waiting for letters from
+Ireland,"--yours, my dear Tom, the chief of them,--"and therefore it
+must be somewhere in the vicinity."
+
+"Go over to Rastadt, then," said he, "and amuse yourself with the
+fortifications: they are now in course of construction, and when
+completed will be some of the strongest in Europe. I 'll give you a
+letter to the Commandant, who will show all that can interest you, and
+explain everything that you may wish to know." Rastadt is only twenty
+miles away; it is, however, in all that regards intercourse with Baden,
+fully two hundred distant. It is cheap, rarely visited by strangers, has
+no "fashionables," and, in fact, just the kind of model-prison residence
+that I was wishing for to discipline the family, and get them once more
+"in hand."
+
+Thither, therefore, we remove to-morrow morning, if nothing unforeseen
+should occur in the interim. Morris, as you may observe, behaved most
+kindly in this affair; and, indeed, showed a strong interest in James,
+from certain remarks the boy himself has let drop; but he seems cold,
+Tom,--one of those excellent fellows that are always doing the right
+thing for its own sake, and not for yours. I don't want to disparage
+principle, no more than I do a great balance at Coutts's, or anything
+else that I don't possess myself; but I mean to say that, somehow or
+other, one likes to feel that it is to yourself, as an individual,--to
+your own proper identity,--a service is rendered, and not to a mere
+fraction of that great biped race that wear cloth clothes and eat cooked
+victuals.
+
+That's the way with the English, however, all over the globe, and I
+have often felt more grateful to an Irishman for helping me on with my
+surtout than I have to John Bull for a real downright piece of service.
+I suppose the fault is more mine than his; but the fact is true, and so
+I give it to you. I suppose, besides, that an impartial observer of both
+of as would say that we make too much of every favor, and the Englishman
+too little; we exact all the obligation of a debt for it, they treat the
+whole thing lightly, as if the service rendered, and those to whom it
+was done, were not worthy of further consideration. However we strike
+the balance between us, Tom,--in our favor or against us,--I own to you
+I like our own way best; and though nothing could be truly more kind and
+considerate than Morris, it was quite a relief to me when he gave me his
+cold shake-hands, and said "Good-bye!"
+
+And so it will ever be, so long as human actions are swayed by human
+emotions. The man who recognizes your feelings, who regards you with
+some touch of sympathy, is more your friend than the benevolent machine
+who bestows upon you his mechanical philanthropy.
+
+
+"The Golden Ox," Rastadt. We left Lichtenthal like a thief in the night;
+and here we are now in the "Golden Ox" at Rastadt, which, I own to
+you, seems a most comfortable house. James and I--for we are now
+_two_ parties domestically, Mrs. D. and Mary Anne living very much to
+themselves, and Cary still on a visit with Morris's mother--had a most
+excellent breakfast of fresh trout, a roast partridge, a venison steak
+with capers--a capital dish--and chocolate, with abundance of good white
+wine of the place, and on calling for the bill, out of curiosity, I see
+we are charged something under a florin for two of us,--about tenpence
+each. Tom, this will do. You may therefore look upon me as a citizen
+of Rastadt for the next month to come. I have kept my letter by me
+hitherto, to give you a bulletin of this place before closing it, and I
+have still some time at my disposal before the post leaves.
+
+I'm not sure, though, I'd exactly recommend this town to a patient
+laboring under nervous headaches, or to a university man reading for
+honors. Indeed, up to this--I suppose I 'll get used to it later on--the
+din has so addled me that I have often to stand two minutes reflecting
+over what I had to say, and then own that I have forgotten it. We
+are--that is, the "Ox" is--in the quietest spot in the town, and yet
+close under my bedroom there are, from early morning till dusk, twelve
+drummers at practice, with a head drummer to teach them. In the green,
+before the door, two companies of recruits are at drill. The foot
+artillery limbers and unlimbers all day in the "Platz" close by, and
+what should be our garden is a riding-school for the cadets. These
+several educational establishments have their peculiar tumult, which
+accompany me through my sleep; and for all the requirements of quiet
+and reflection, I might as well have taken up my abode in a kettle-drum.
+Liege was a Trappist monastery in comparison! As it is, the routine
+tramp of feet has made me conform to the step, and I march "quick" or
+"orderly," exactly as the fellows are doing it outside. I swallow my
+soup to the sound of a trumpet, and take off my clothes to the roll of
+the drum. James is in ecstasy with it all; I never saw him enjoy himself
+so much. He is out looking at them the entire day, and I 'm greatly
+mistaken but Mary Anne passes a large portion of her time at the green
+"jalousie" that opens over the riding-school.
+
+I am always asking myself--that is, whenever I can summon composure even
+for so much--what do the Germans want with all these soldiers? Surely
+they 're not going to invade France, nor Russia; and yet their armies
+are maintained in a strength that might imply it! As to any occasion for
+them at home in their own land, it's downright balderdash to talk of it!
+Do you know, Tom, that whenever I think of Germany and her rulers, I am
+strongly reminded of poor old Dr. Drake, that lived at Dronestown, and
+the flea-bitten mare he used to drive in his gig. She was forty if she
+was an hour; she was quiet and docile from the day she was foaled: all
+the whipping in the world couldn't shake her into five miles an
+hour, and yet the doctor had her surrounded with every precaution
+and appliance that would have suited a regular runaway. There were
+safety-reins, and kicking-straps, and double traces without end,--and
+all to restrain a poor old beast that only wanted to be let alone, and
+drag out her tiresome existence in the jog-trot she was used to! "Ah,
+you don't know as well as I do," Drake would say; "she's a devil at
+heart, and if she did n't feel it was useless to resist, she 'd smash
+everything behind her. She looks quiet enough, but _that_ does n't
+impose upon me." These were the kind of reflections he indulged in, and
+I suppose they are about the same in use in the Cabinets of Austria,
+Prussia, and Bavaria. I was often malicious enough for a half wish that
+Drake should have a spicy devil in the shafts, just for once, to show
+him a trick or two; and in the same spirit, Tom, I cannot help saying
+that I 'd like to see John Bull "put to" in this fashion! Would n't he
+kick up,--would n't he soon knock the whole concern to atoms! Ah, Tom,
+it's all alike, believe me; and whether you have to drive a nag or a
+nation, take my word for it, the kicking-straps are only efficacious
+when the beast has n't a kick in him! At all events, such are not the
+popular notions here; and on they go, building fortresses, strengthening
+garrisons, and reinforcing army corps, till at last the military will be
+more numerous than the nation, and every prisoner will have two jailers
+to restrain him. "Who is to pay?" becomes the question; but indeed
+that is the very question that puzzles me now. Who pays for all this
+at present? Is it possible that a people will suffer itself to be taxed
+that it may be bullied? I 'm unable to continue this theme, for there go
+the drums again,--there are forty of them at it now! What's in the wind
+I can't guess. Oh, here's the explanation. It is the Herr Commandant--be
+sure you accent the last syllable--is come to pay me a visit, and the
+guard has turned out to drum him upstairs!
+
+
+Four o'clock.
+
+He is gone at last,--I thought he never would,--and I have
+only time to say that he has appointed to-morrow after breakfast, to
+show me the fortress, and as I am too late for the post, I 'll be able
+to add a line or two before this leaves me. Mary Anne has come to say
+that her mother's head is distracted, and that she cannot endure the
+uproar of the place. My reply is, "Mine is exactly in the same way; but
+I cannot go any further,--I 've no money."
+
+Mrs. D. "thinks she'll go mad!" If she means it in earnest, this is as
+cheap a place to do it in as any I know. We are only to pay two pounds a
+week each, and I suppose whether we preserve our senses or not makes no
+difference in the expense! This would sound very unfeelingly, Tom, but
+that you are well aware of Mrs. D. 's system, and that she gives notice
+of a motion without any intention of going to a debate, much less of
+pressing for a "division." Mary Anne is very urgent that I should see
+her mother, but I am not quite equal to it yet Maybe after visiting
+the fortress to-morrow I'll be in a more martial mood; and now here's
+dinner, and a most savory odor preludes it.
+
+
+Tuesday.
+
+This must go as it is, Tom,--I 'm dead beat! That old veteran
+would n't let me off a casemate nor a bomb-proof, and I have walked
+twenty miles this blessed morning! Nor is that all; but I have
+handled shot, lifted cannon-balls, adjusted mortars, and peeped out of
+embrasures, till my back is half broken with straining and fatigue. Just
+to judge from what I 'm suffering, a siege must be a dreadful thing!
+He says be showed me everything; and, upon my conscience, I can well
+believe it! There was a great deal of it, too, that I saw in the dark,
+for there was no end of galleries without a single loophole, and many of
+the passages seemed only four feet high; for, though a short man, I had
+to stoop. I ought to have a great deal to say about this place, if
+I could remember it, or if I could be sure it would interest you. It
+appears that Rastadt is built upon an entirely new principle, quite
+distinct from any hitherto in use. It must be attacked _en ricochet_,
+and not directly; a hint, I suppose, they stole from our common law,
+where they fire into _you_, by pretending to assail John Doe or Richard
+Roe. The Commandant sneered at the old system, but I 'd rather trust
+myself in Gibraltar, notwithstanding all he said. It stands to reason,
+Tom, that if you are up in a window you have a great advantage over a
+fellow down in the street. Now, all these modern fortresses are what is
+called "_a fleur d'eau_" quite level, and not raised in the least over
+the attacking force. Put me up high, say I; if on a parapet, so much the
+better; and besides, Tom, nothing gives a man such coolness as to know
+that he is all as one as out of danger! Of course, I did n't make this
+remark to the Commandant, because in talking with military people it is
+good tact always to assume that being shot at is rather pleasant than
+otherwise; and so I have observed that they themselves generally make
+use of some jocular phrase or other to express being killed and wounded;
+"he was knocked over," "he got an ugly poke," being the more popular
+mode of recording what finished a man's existence, or made the remainder
+of it miserable.
+
+Soldiering has always struck me as an insupportable line of life. I have
+no objection in the world to fight the man who has injured _me_, nor to
+give satisfaction where I have been the offender; but to go patiently
+to work to learn how to destroy somebody I never saw and never heard of,
+_does_ seem absurd and unchristianlike altogether. You say, "He is the
+enemy of my country, and, consequently, mine." Let me see that; let me
+be sure of it. If he invades us, I know that he is an enemy; but if he
+is only occupied about his own affairs,--if he is simply hunting out a
+nest of old squatters that he is tired of,--if he is merely changing the
+sign of his house, and instead of the "Lily" prefers to live under the
+"Cock," or maybe the "Drone-bee," what have I to say to that? So long as
+he stays at home, and only "gets drunk on the premises," I have no right
+to meddle with him. It's all very well to say that nobody likes to have
+a disorderly house in his neighborhood. Very true; but you ought n't
+to go in and murder the residents to keep them quiet. There 's the mail
+gone by, and I have forgotten to send this off. It's a wonderful thing
+how living in Germany makes a man long-winded and tiresome. It must be
+the air, at least with me, or the cookery, for I am perfectly innocent
+of the language. The "mysterious gutturals," as Macaulay calls them,
+will ever be mysteries to _me!_ At all events, to prevent further
+indiscretions, I 'll close this and seal it now. And so, with my sincere
+regards, believe me, dear Tom, ever yours,
+
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+
+Address me, "Golden Ox,"--I mean at the sign of,--Rastadt, for you 're
+sure of finding me here for the next four weeks at least.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXXV. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+
+"The Golden Ox," Rastadt.
+
+My dearest kitty,--I have only time for a few and very hurried lines,
+written with trembling fingers and a heart audible in its palpitations!
+Yes, dearest, an eventful moment has arrived,--the dread instant has
+come, on which my whole future destiny must depend. It was last night,
+just as I was making papa's tea, that a servant arrived on horseback at
+the inn with a letter addressed to the Right Honorable and Reverend the
+Lord Dodd de Dodsborough. This, of course, could only mean papa, and so
+he opened and read it, for it was in English, dearest, or at least in
+imitation of that language.
+
+I refrain from quoting the precise expressions, lest in circumstances so
+serious a smile of passing levity should cross those dear features, now
+all tension with anxiety for your own Mary Anne. The letter was from
+Adolf von Wolfenschafer, making me an offer of his hand, title, and
+fortune! I swooned away when I heard it, and only recovered to hear papa
+still spelling out the strange phraseology of the letter.
+
+I wish he had not written in English, Kitty. It is provoking that an
+event so naturally serious in itself should be alloyed with the dross of
+grammatical absurdities; besides that, really, our tongue does not lend
+itself to those delicate and half-vanishing allusions to future bliss so
+germane to such a proposal. Papa, and James, too, I must say, evinced
+a want of regard to my feelings, and an absence of that fine sympathy
+which I should have looked for at a moment like this. They actually
+screamed with laughter, Kitty, at little lapses of orthography, when the
+subject might reasonably have imposed far different emotions.
+
+"Why, it's a proposal of marriage!" exclaimed papa, "and I thought it a
+summons from the police."
+
+"Egad, so it is!" cried James. "It's an offer to you, Mary Anne. 'The
+Baron Adolf von Wolfenschafer, Frei-herr von Schweinbraten and Ritter of
+the Order of the Cock of Tubingen, maketh hereby, and not the less,
+that with future-coming-time-to-be-proved-and-experienced affection,
+the profound humility of an offer of himself, with all his
+to-be-named-and-enumerated belongings, both in effects and majorats, to
+the lovely and very beautiful Miss, the first daughter of the Venerable
+and very Honorable the Lord Dodd de Dodsborough.'"
+
+[Illustration: 470]
+
+"Pray stop, James," said I; "this is scarcely a fitting matter for
+coarse jesting, nor is my heart to be made the theme for indelicate
+banter."
+
+"The letter is a gem," said he, and went on: "'The so-named
+A. von W., overflowing with a mild but in-heaven-soaring and
+never-to-earth-descending love, expecteth, in all the pendulating
+anxieties of a never-at-any-moment-to-be-distrusted devotion--'"
+
+"Papa, I really beg and request that I may not be trifled with in this
+unfeeling manner. The Baron's intentions are sufficiently clear and
+explicit, nor are we now engaged in the work of correcting his English
+epistolary style."
+
+This I said haughtily, Kitty; and Mister James at last thought proper to
+recover some respect for my feelings.
+
+"Why, I never suspected you could take the thing seriously, dear Mary
+Anne," said he. "If I only thought--"
+
+"And pray, why not, James? I'm sure the Baron's ancient birth--his rank,
+his fortune--his position, in fact--"
+
+"Of all of which we know nothing," broke in papa.
+
+"But of which you may know everything," said I; "for here, at the
+postscript, is an invitation to us all to pass some weeks at the
+Schloss, in the Black Forest, his ancestral seat."
+
+"Or, as he styles it," broke in James, impertinently, "'the very
+old castle, where for numerous centuries his high-blooded and
+on-lofty-eminence-standing ancestors did sit,' and where now
+'his with-years-bestricken but not-the-less-on-that-account-sharp
+with-intelligence-begifted parent father doth reside.'"
+
+"Read that again, James," said papa.
+
+"Pray allow me, sir," said I, taking the letter. "The invitation is
+a most hospitable request that we should go and pass some time at his
+chateau, and name the earliest day our convenience will permit for the
+visit."
+
+"He spoke of capital shooting there!" cried James. "He told me that the
+Auer-Hahu, a kind of black-cock, abounds in that country."
+
+"And I remember, too, that he mentioned some wonderful Steinberger,--a
+cabinet wine, full two hundred years in wood!" chimed in papa.
+
+I wished, dearest Kitty, that they could have entertained the
+subject-matter of the letter without these "contingent remainders," and
+not mix up my future fate with either wine or wild fowl; but they really
+were so carried away by the pleasures so peculiarly adapted to their own
+feelings that they at once said, and in a breath too, "Write him word
+'Yes,' by all means!"
+
+"Do you mean for his offer of marriage, papa?" asked I, with struggling
+indignation.
+
+"By George, I had forgotten all about that," said he. "We must
+deliberate a bit. Your mother, too, will expect to be consulted. Take
+the letter upstairs to her; or, better still, just say that I want to
+speak to her myself."
+
+As papa and mamma had not met nor spoken together since his return, I
+willingly embraced this opportunity of restoring them to intercourse
+with each other.
+
+"Don't go away, Mary Anne," said James, as I was about to seek my own
+room, for I dreaded being left alone, and exposed to his unfeeling
+banter; "I want to speak to you." This he said with a tone of kindness
+and interest which at once decided me to remain. He wore a look of
+seriousness, Kitty, that I have seldom, if ever, seen in his features,
+and spoke in a tone that, to my ears, was new from him.
+
+"Let me be your friend, Mary Anne," said he, "and the better to be so,
+let me talk to you in all frankness and sincerity. If I say one single
+word that can hurt your feelings, put it down to the true account,--that
+I 'd rather do even such than suffer you to take the most eventful step
+in all your life without weighing every consequence of it Answer me,
+then, two or three questions that I shall ask you, but as truly and
+unreservedly as though you were at confession."
+
+I sat down beside him, and with my hand in his.
+
+"Now, first of all, Mary Anne," said he, "do you love this Baron von
+Wolfenschafer?"
+
+Who ever could answer such a question in one word, Kitty? How seldom
+does it occur in life that all the circumstances of any man's position
+respond to the ambitious imaginings of a girl's heart! He may be
+handsome, and yet poor; he may be rich, and yet low-born; intellectual,
+and yet his great gifts may be alloyed with infirmities of temper;
+he may be coldly natured, secret, self-contained, uncommunicative,--a
+hundred things that one does not like,--and yet, with all these
+drawbacks, what the world calls an "excellent match."
+
+I believe very few people marry the person they wish to marry. I fancy
+that such instances are the rarest things imaginable. It is a question
+of compensation throughout,--you accept this, notwithstanding that;
+you put up with _that_, for the sake of this! Of course, dearest, I am
+rejecting here all belief in the "greatest happiness principle" as a
+stupid fallacy, that only imposes upon elderly gentlemen when they marry
+their housekeeper. I speak of the considerations which weigh with a
+young girl who has moved in society, who knows its requirements, and can
+estimate all that contributes to what is called a "position."
+
+This little digression of mine will give you to understand what was
+passing in my mind as James sat waiting for my reply.
+
+"So, then," said he, at last, "the question is not so easily answered
+as I suspected; and we will now pass to another one. Are your affections
+already engaged elsewhere?"
+
+What could I say, Kitty, but "No! decidedly not." The embarrassment,
+however, so natural to an inquiry like this, made me blush and seem
+confused; and James, perceiving it, said,--
+
+"Poor fellow, it will be a sad blow to _him_, for I know he loved you."
+
+I tried to look astonished, angry, unconscious,--anything, in fact,
+which should convey displeasure and surprise together; but with that
+want of tact so essentially fraternal, he went on,--
+
+"It was almost the last thing he said to me at parting, 'Don't let her
+forget me!'"
+
+"May I venture to inquire," said I, haughtily, "of whom you are
+speaking?"
+
+Simple and inoffensive as the words were, Kitty, they threw him into an
+ungovernable passion; he stamped, and stormed, and swore fearfully. He
+called me "a heartless coquette," "an unfeeling flirt," and a variety of
+epithets equally mellifluous as well merited.
+
+I drew my embroidery-frame before me quite calmly under this torrent of
+abuse, and worked away at my pattern of the "Faithful Shepherd," singing
+to myself all the time.
+
+"Are you really as devoid of feeling as this, Mary Anne?" asked he.
+
+"My dear brother," said I, "don't you wish excessively for a commission
+in a regiment of Hussars or Lancers? Well, as your great merits have
+not been recognized at the Horse Guards, would you feel justified in
+refusing an appointment to the Rifle Brigade?"
+
+"What has all this to say to what we are discussing?" cried he, angrily.
+
+"Just everything," replied I; "but as you cannot make the application,
+you must excuse _me_ if I decline the task also."
+
+"And so you mean to be a baroness?" said he, rudely.
+
+I courtesied profoundly to him, and he flung out of the room with a bang
+that nearly brought the door down. In a moment after, mamma was in my
+arms, overcome with tenderness and emotion.
+
+"I have carried the day, my dearest child," said she. "We are to accept
+the invitation, at all events, and we set out to-morrow."
+
+I have no time for more, Kitty, for all our preparations for departure
+have yet to be made. What fate awaits me I know not, nor can I even
+fancy what may be the future of your ever attached and devoted friend,
+
+Mary Anne Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXXVI. MRS. DODD TO MRS. MARY GALLAGHER, DODSBOROUGH.
+
+SCHLOSS, WOLFENFELS
+
+My dear Molly,--It is only since we came to the elegant place, the hard
+name of which I have written at the top of this letter, that my
+feelings have subsided into the calm seriousness adapted to epistolary
+correspondence. From the day that K. I. returned, my life has been like
+the parallax of a fever! The man was never possessed of any refined or
+exalted sentiments; but the woman, this Mrs. G. H.--I could n't write
+the name in full if you were to give me twenty pounds for it--made him
+far worse with self-conceit and vanity. If you knew the way my time is
+passed, "taking it out of him," Molly, showing him how ridiculous he is,
+and why everybody is laughing at him, you 'd pity me. As to gratitude,
+my dear, he hasn't a notion of it; and he feels no more thankful to
+me for what I 've gone through than if I was indulging him in all his
+nefarious propensities. It is a weary task; and the only wonder is how I
+'m able to go on with it.
+
+"Have n't you done yet, Mrs. D.?" said he, the other morning. "Don't you
+think that you might grant me a little peace now?"
+
+"I wish to the saints I had," said I; "it's bringing me to the grave,
+it is; but I have a duty to perform, and as long as my tongue can wag, I
+'ll do it! When I 'm gone, K. I.," said I,--"when I 'm gone, you 'll not
+have to say, 'It was her fault,--it was all her doing. Jemima never said
+this; she never told me that.'" I vow and declare to you here, Molly,
+that there is n't a thing a woman could say to a man, that I haven't
+said to him; and as I remarked yesterday, "If I have n't taken the
+self-conceit out of you now, it is because it's grained in your
+nature,"--I believe, indeed, I said, "in your filthy nature."
+
+When we left Baden, we came to a place called Rastadt, a great
+fortification that they 're making, as they tell me, to defend the
+Rhine; but, between ourselves, it's as far from the river as our house
+at Dodsborough is from Kelly's mills. There we stopped three weeks,--I
+believe in the confident hope of K. I. that I could n't survive the
+uproarious tumult. They were drilling or training horses, or firing
+guns, or flogging recruits under our windows, from sunrise to sunset;
+and although at first the novelty was, amusing, you grew, at last, so
+tormented and teased with the noise that your very brain ached from it.
+
+"I wonder," said I, one night, "that you never thought of taking
+furnished apartments in Barrack Street! It ought to be to your taste."
+
+"It's not unlikely, ma'am, that I may end my days in that neighborhood,"
+said he, tartly, "for I believe it's very convenient to the sheriff's
+prison."
+
+"I was alluding to your military tastes," said I. "One might suppose you
+were meant for a great general."
+
+"I might have claim to the character, ma'am," said he, "if being always
+under fire signified anything,--always exposed to attack."
+
+"Oh, but," said I, "you forget she has retired her forces,"--I meant
+Mrs. G., Molly; "she took pity on your poor unprotected situation!"
+
+"Look now, Mrs. D.," said he, with a blow of his fist on the table, "if
+there 's another word--one syllable more on this matter, may I never
+sign my name K. I. again, if I don't walk you back, every one of you, to
+Dodsborough! It was an evil hour that saw us leave it, but it would be a
+joyous one that brings us back again."
+
+When, he grows so brutal as that, Molly, I never utter a word. 'T is n't
+to-day nor yesterday that I learned to be a martyr; so that all I did
+was to wait a minute or two, and then go off in strong hysterics! and,
+indeed, I don't know anything that provokes him more.
+
+I give you this as a slight sample of the way we lived, with occasional
+diversions on the subject of expense, the extravagance of James, his
+idleness, and so forth; pleasant topics, and amusing for a family
+circle. Indeed, Molly, I'm ashamed to own that my natural spirit was
+beginning to break down under it. I felt that all the blood of the
+M'Carthys was weak to resist such inhuman cruelty; and whether it was
+the climate, or what, I don't know, but crying did n't give me the same
+relief it used. I suppose the fact is that one exhausts the natural
+resources of one's constitution; but I think I 'm not so old but that a
+good hearty cry ought to be a comfort to me.
+
+This is how affairs was, when, about a week ago, came a servant on
+horseback, with a letter for K. I. I was sitting up at my window, with
+the blinds down, when I saw the man get off and enter the inn, and the
+first thought that struck me was that it was Mrs. G. herself sent him.
+"I 've caught you," says I to myself; and throwing on my dressing-gown,
+I slipped downstairs. It was K. I. and James were together talking, so
+I just waited a second at the door to listen. "If I had a voice in the
+family,"--it was K. I. said this,--"if I had a voice in the family,"
+said he, "I 'd refuse. These kind of things always turn out ill,--people
+calculate so much upon affection; but the truth is, marrying for love
+is like buying a pair of Russia-duck trousers to wear through the year.
+They 'll do beautifully in summer, and even an odd day in the autumn;
+but in the cold and rainy reason they 'll be downright ridiculous."
+
+"Still," said James, "the offer sounds like a great one."
+
+"All glitter, maybe. I distrust them all, James. At any rate, say
+nothing about it to your mother till I think it over a bit."
+
+"And why not say anything to his mother?" says I, bouncing into the
+room. "Am I nobody in the family?"
+
+"Bedad you are!" said K. I., with a heavy sigh.
+
+"Haven't I an opinion of my own, eh?"
+
+"That you have!" said he.
+
+"And don't I stand to it, too!--eh, Kenny James?"
+
+"Your worst enemy couldn't deny it!" said he, shaking his head.
+
+"Then what's all this about?" said I, snatching the letter out of his
+hands. But though I tried with my double eyeglass, Molly, it was no
+use, for the writing was in a German hand, not to say anything of the
+language.
+
+"Well, ma'am," said K. I., with a grin, "I hope the contents are
+pleasing to you?" And before I could fly out at him, James broke in:
+"It's a proposal for Mary Anne, mother. The young Baron that we met at
+Bonn makes her an offer of his hand and fortune, and invites us all to
+his castle in the Black Forest as a preliminary step."
+
+"Isn't that to your taste, Mrs. D.?" said K. I., with another grin.
+"High connection--nobility--great family,--eh?"
+
+"I don't think," said I, "that, considering the step I took myself in
+life, anybody can reproach me with prejudices of that kind." The step I
+took! Molly, I said the words with a sneer that made him purple.
+
+"What's his fortune, James?" said I.
+
+"Heaven knows! but he must have a stunning income. This Castle of
+Wolfenfels is in all the print-shops of the town. It's a thing as large
+as Windsor, and surrounded by miles of forest."
+
+"My poor child," said I, "I always knew where you 'd be at last; and
+it's only two nights ago I had a dream of taking grease out of my yellow
+satin. I thought I was rubbing and scrubbing at it with all my might."
+
+"And what did that portend, ma'am?" said K. I., with his usual sneer.
+
+"Can't you guess?" said I. "Might n't it mean an effort to get rid
+of the stain of a low connection?" Was n't that a home-thrust, Molly?
+Faith, he felt it so!
+
+"Mrs. D.," said he, gravely, and as if after profound thought, "this
+is a question of our child's happiness for life-long, and if we are
+to discuss it at all, let it be without any admixture of attack or
+recrimination."
+
+"Who began it?" said I.
+
+"You did, my dear," said he.
+
+"I did n't," said I; "and I 'm not 'your dear.' Oh, you needn't sigh
+that way; your case isn't half so bad as you think it, but, like all
+men, you fancy yourself cruelly treated whenever the slightest bar is
+placed to your bad passions. You argue as if wickedness was good for
+your constitution."
+
+"Have you done?" said he.
+
+"Not yet," said I, taking a chair in front of him.
+
+"When you have, then," said he, "call me, for I 'll go out and sit
+on the stairs." But I put my back to the door, Molly, so that he had
+nothing for it but to resume his seat. "Let us move the order of the
+day, Mrs. D.," said he,--"this business of Mary Anne. My opinion of it
+is told in few words. These mixed marriages seldom succeed. Even with
+long previous intimacy, suitable fortune, and equality of station,
+there is that in a difference of nationality that opens a hundred
+discrepancies in taste, feeling--"
+
+"Bother!" said I, "we have just as much when we come from the same
+stock."
+
+"Sometimes," said he, sighing.
+
+"Here's what he says, mother," said James, and read out the letter,
+which I am bound to say, Molly, was a curiosity in its way; for though
+it had such a strange look, it turned out to be in English, or at least
+what the Baron thought was such. Happily there was no mistaking the
+meaning; and as I said to K. I., "At least there 's one thing in the
+Baron's favor,--there's neither deceit nor subterfuge about him. He
+makes his proposal like a man!" And let me tell you, Molly, we live in
+an age when even that same is a virtue; for really, with the liberties
+that's allowed, and the way girls goes on, there 's no saying what
+intentions men have at all!
+
+Some mothers make a point of never seeing anything; but that may be
+carried too far, particularly abroad, my dear. Others are for always
+being dragons, but that is sure to scare off the men; and as I say,
+what's the use of birdlime if you 're always shouting and screaming!
+
+My notion is, Molly, that a moderate degree of what the French call
+"surveillance" is the right thing,--a manner that seems to say, "I 'm
+looking at you: I'm not against innocent enjoyments, and so forth, but
+I won't stand any nonsense, nor falling in love." Many 's the time the
+right man is scared away by a new flirtation, that meant nothing. "She's
+too gay for _me_--she has a look in her eye, or a toss of the head, or
+a--Heaven knows--I don't like."
+
+"Does she care for him?" said K. I. "Does Mary Anne care for
+him?--that's the question."
+
+"Of course she does," said I. "If a girl's affections are not engaged in
+some other quarter, she always cares for the man that proposes for her.
+Is n't he a good match?"
+
+"He as much as says so himself."
+
+"And a Baron?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"And has an elegant place, with a park of miles round it?"
+
+"So he says."
+
+"Well, then, I 'm sure I see nothing to prevent her being attached to
+him."
+
+"At all events, let us speak to her," said he, and sent James upstairs
+to fetch her down.
+
+Short as the time was that he was away, it was enough for K. I. to get
+into one of his passions, just because I gave him the friendly caution
+that he ought to be delicate and guarded in the way he mentioned the
+matter to Mary Anne.
+
+"Is n't she my daughter?" said he, with a stamp of his foot; and just
+for that, Molly, I would n't give him the satisfaction to say she is.
+
+"I ask you," cried he again, "isn't she my daughter?"
+
+Not a syllable would I answer him.
+
+"Well, maybe she is n't," said he; "but my authority over her is all the
+same."
+
+"Oh, you can be as cruel and tyrannical as you please," said I.
+
+"Look now, Mrs. D.--" said he; but, fortunately, Molly, just at that
+moment James and his sister came in, and he stopped suddenly.
+
+"Oh, dearest papa," cried Mary Anne, falling at his feet, and hiding her
+face in her hands, "how can I leave you, and dear, dear mamma?"
+
+"That's what we are going to talk over, my dear," said he, quite dryly,
+and taking a pinch of snuff.
+
+"Your father is never overpowered by his commotions, my love," said I.
+
+"To forsake my happy home!" sobbed Mary Anne, as if her heart was
+breaking. "Oh, what an agony to think of!"
+
+"To be sure it is," said K. I., in the same hard, husky voice; "but it's
+what we see done every day. Ask your mother--"
+
+"Don't ask me to justify it," said I. "_My_ experiences go all the other
+way."
+
+"At any rate you ventured on the experiment," said he, with a grin.
+Then, turning to Mary Anne, he went on: "I see that James has informed
+you on this affair, and it only remains for me now to ask you what your
+sentiments are.
+
+"Oh, my poor heart!" said she, pressing her hand to her side, "how can I
+divide its allegiance?"
+
+"Don't try that, at all events," said he, "for though I never thought
+him a suitable match for you, my dear, if you really do feel an
+attachment to Peter Belton--"
+
+"Of course I do not, papa."
+
+"Of course she does not--never did--never could," said I.
+
+"So much the better," said he; "and now for this Baron von--I never can
+remember his name--do you think you could be happy with him? Or do
+you know enough of his temper, tastes, and disposition to answer that
+question?"
+
+"I 'm sure he is a most amiable person; he is exceedingly clever and
+accomplished--"
+
+"I don't care a brass bodkin for all that," broke in K. I. "A man may be
+as wise as the bench of bishops, and be a bad husband."
+
+"Let _me_ talk to Mary Anne," said I. It's only a female heart, Molly,
+understands these cases; for men discuss them as if they were matters of
+reason! And with that I marched her off with me to my own room.
+
+I need n't tell you all I said, nor what she replied to me; but this
+much I will say, a more sensible girl I never saw. She took in the whole
+of our situation at once. She perceived that there was no saying how
+long K. I. might be induced to remain abroad; it might be, perhaps,
+to-morrow, or next day, that he'd decide to go back to Ireland. What a
+position we 'd be in, then! "I don't doubt," says she, "but if time were
+allowed me, I could do better than this. With the knowledge I have now
+of life, I feel very confident; but if we are to be marched off before
+the campaign begins, mamma, how are we to win our laurels?" Them's her
+words, Molly, and they express her meaning beautifully.
+
+We agreed at last that the best thing was to accept the invitation to
+the castle, and when we saw the place, and the way of living, we could
+then decide on the offer of marriage.
+
+If I could only repeat to you the remarks Mary Anne made about this, you
+'d see what a girl she was, and what a wonderful degree of intelligence
+she possesses. Even on the point that K. I. himself raised a doubt,--the
+difference of nationality and language,--she summed up the whole
+question in a few words. Her observation was, that this very
+circumstance was rather an advantage than otherwise, "as offering a
+barrier against the over-intimacy and over-familiarity that is the bane
+of married life."
+
+"The fact is, mamma," said she, "people do not conform to each other.
+They make a show of doing so, and they become hypocrites,--great
+or little ones, as their talents decide for them,--but their real
+characters remain at bottom unchanged. Now, married to a foreigner,
+a woman need not even affect to assume his tastes and habits. She may
+always follow her own, and set them down, whatever they be, to the score
+of her peculiar nationality."
+
+She is really, Molly, an astonishing girl, and in all that regards life
+and knowledge of mankind, I never met her equal. As to Caroline, she
+never could have made such a remark. The advantages of the Continent are
+clean thrown away on her; she knows no more of the world than the day we
+left Dodsborough. Indeed, I sometimes half regret that we did n't leave
+her behind with the Doolans; for I observe that whenever foreign travel
+fails in inculcating new refinement and genteel notions, it is sure to
+strengthen all old prejudices, and suggest a most absurd attachment to
+one's own country; and when that happens to be Ireland, Molly, I need
+scarcely say how injurious the tendency is! It's very dreadful, my
+dear, but it's equally true, whenever anything is out of fashion, in bad
+taste, vulgar, or common, you 're sure to hear it called Irish, though,
+maybe, it never crossed the Channel; and out of self-defence one is
+obliged to adopt the custom.
+
+On one point Mary Anne and myself were both agreed. It is next to
+impossible for any one but a banker's daughter, or in the ballet, to get
+a husband in the peerage at home. The nobility, with us, are either very
+cunning or very foolish. As to the gentry class, they never think of
+them at all. The consequence is, that a girl who wishes for a title must
+take a foreigner. Now, Molly, German nobility is mightily like German
+silver,--it has only a look of the real article; but if you can't afford
+the right thing, it is better than the vulgar metal!
+
+Mary Anne has declared, over and over again, that nothing would induce
+her to be Mrs. Anybody. As she says, "Your whole life is passed in
+a struggle, if not heralded by a designation, even though it only be
+'Madame.'" And sure nobody knows this better than I do. Has n't the
+odious name weighed me down for years past?
+
+"Take him, then, my dear child," said I,--"take him, then, and may you
+have luck in your choice! It will be a consolation to me, in all my
+troubles and trials, to know that one of my girls at least sustains the
+honor of her mother's family. You 'll be a baroness, at all events."
+
+She pressed my hand affectionately, Molly, but said nothing. I saw
+that the poor dear child was n't doing it all without some sacrifice or
+other; but I was too prudent to ask questions. There 's nothing, in my
+opinion, does such mischief as the system of probing and poking into
+wounds of the affections; it's the sure way to keep them open, and
+prevent their healing; so that I kept on, never minding, and only talked
+of "the Baron."
+
+"It will kill the Davises," said she, at last; "they'll die of spite
+when they hear it."
+
+"That they will," said I; "and they'll deny it to all the neighbors,
+till it's copied into the country papers out of the 'Morning Post' What
+will become of all their sneering remarks about going abroad now, I
+wonder! Faith, my dear, you might live long enough at Bruff without
+seeing a baron."
+
+"I think Mr. Peter, too, will at last perceive the outrageous absurdity
+of his pretensions," said she. "The Castle of Wolfenfels is not exactly
+like the village dispensary."
+
+In a word, my dear Molly, we considered the question in all its
+bearings, and agreed that though we had rather he was a viscount, with
+a fine estate at home, yet that the thing was still too good to refuse.
+"It's a fine position," said Mary Anne, "and I'll see if I can't improve
+it." We agreed, as Caroline was so happy where she was,--on a visit with
+this Mrs. Morris,--that we 'd leave her there a little longer; for,
+as Mary Anne remarked, "She's so natural and so frank and so very
+confiding, she'll just tell everything about us, and spoil all!" And
+it is true, Molly. That girl has no more notion of the difficulties it
+costs us to be what we are, and where we are, than if she was n't one of
+the family. She's a regular Dodd, and no more need be said.
+
+The next day, you may be sure, was n't an idle one. We had to pack all
+our things, to get a new livery made for Paddy Byrne, and to hire a
+travelling-carriage, so that we might make our appearance in a style
+becoming us. Betty, too, had to be drilled how she was to behave in a
+great house full of servants, and taught not to expose us by any of her
+outlandish ways. Mary Anne had her up to eat before her, and teach her
+various politenesses; but the saints alone can tell how the lesson will
+prosper.
+
+We started from Rastadt in great style,--six posters, and a riding
+courier in front, to order relays on the road. Even the sight of it,
+Molly, and the tramp of the horses, and the jingle of the bells on the
+harness, all did me good, for I 'm of a susceptible nature; and what
+between my sensations at the moment, and the thought of all before us, I
+cried heartily for the first two stages.
+
+"If it overcomes you so much," said K. I., "don't you think you'd better
+turn back?"
+
+Did you ever hear brutality like that speech, Molly? I ask you, in all
+your experience of life, did you ever know of any man that could make
+himself so odious? You may be sure I did n't cry much after that! I made
+it so comfortable to him that he was glad to exchange places with Betty,
+and get into the rumble for the remainder of the journey.
+
+Betty herself, too, was in one of her blessed tempers, all because Mary
+Anne would n't let her stick all the old artificial flowers, that were
+thrown away, over her bonnet. As Mary Anne said to her, "she only wanted
+wax-candles to be like a Christmas-tree." The consequence was that she
+cried and howled all the way, till we dined; after that she slept and
+snored awfully. To mend matters, Paddy got very drunk, and had to be
+tied on the box, and drew a crowd round us, at every place we changed
+horses, by his yells. In other respects the journey was agreeable.
+
+We supped at a place called Offenburg; and, indeed, I thought we 'd
+never get away from it, for K. I. found out that the landlord could
+speak English, and was, besides, a great farmer; and, in spite of
+Mary Anne and myself, he had the man in to supper, and there they sat,
+smoking, and drinking, and prosing about clover and green crops
+and flax, and such things, till past midnight. However, it did one
+thing,--it made K. I. good-humored for the rest of the way; for the
+truth is, Molly, the nature of the man is unchanged, and, I believe,
+unchangeable. Do what we will, take him where we may, give him all the
+advantages of high life and genteel society, but his heart will still
+cling to yearling heifers and ewes; and he'd rather be at Ballinasloe
+than a ball at Buckingham Palace.
+
+We ought to have been at Freyburg in time to sleep, but we did n't get
+there till breakfast hour. I 'm mighty particular about all the names of
+these places, Molly, for it will amuse you to trace our journey on the
+celestial globe in the schoolroom, and then you'll perceive how we are
+going "round the world" in earnest.
+
+After breakfast we went to see the cathedral of the town. It is really
+a fine sight; and the carving that's thrown away in dark, out-of-the-way
+places, would make two other churches. The most beautiful thing of all,
+however, is an image of the Virgin, sheltering under her cloak more than
+a dozen cardinals and bishops. She is looking down at the creatures--for
+they are all made small in comparison--with an angelical smile, as much
+as to say, "Keep quiet, and nobody will see you." I suppose she wants
+to get them into heaven "unknownst;" or, as James rather irreverently
+expressed it, "going to do it by a dodge." To judge by their faces, they
+are not quite at their ease; they seem to think that their case isn't
+too good, and that it will go hard with them if they 're found out! And
+I suppose, my dear Molly, that's the way with the best of us. Sure, with
+all our plotting and scheming for the good of our children, after lives
+of every kind of device, ain't we often masses of corruption?--isn't our
+very best thoughts, sometimes, wicked enough? Them was exactly my own
+meditations, as I sat alone in a dark corner of the church, musing and
+reflecting, and only brought to myself as I heard K. I. fighting with
+one of the "beagles"--I think they call them--about a bad groschen in
+change!
+
+"I'm never in a heavenly frame of mind, K. I." said I to him, "that you
+don't bring me back to earthly feelings with your meanness."
+
+"If you told me you were going to heaven, Mrs. D.," said he, "I would
+n't have brought you out of it for worlds!"
+
+It did n't need the grin that he gave, to show me what the meaning of
+this speech was. The old wretch said as much as that he wished me dead
+and buried; so I just gave him a look, and passed out of the church with
+contempt. Oh, Molly, Molly, whatever may be your spire in life, never
+descend from it for a husband!
+
+You 'll laugh when I tell you that we left this place by the Valley of
+Hell. That's the name of it; and so far as gloom and darkness goes,
+not a bad name either. It is a deep, narrow glen, with only room for a
+narrow road at the bottom of it, and over your head the rocks seem ready
+to tumble down and crush you to atoms. Instead, too, of getting through
+it as fast as we could, K. I. used to stop the carriage, and get out
+to "examine the position," as he called it; for it seems that a great
+French general once made a wonderful retreat through this same pass
+years ago. K. I. and James had bought a map, and this they used to
+spread out on the ground; and sometimes they got into disputing about
+the name of this place or that, so that the Valley of Hell had its share
+of torments for me and Mary Anne before we got out of it.
+
+At a little lake called the "Titi See"--be sure you look for it on the
+globe, and you'll know it by a small island in it with willow-trees--we
+found that the Baron had sent horses to meet us, and eight miles more
+brought us to the place of our destiny. I own to you, Molly, that I
+could have cried with sheer disappointment, when I found we were in
+the demesne without knowing it. I was always looking out for a grand
+entrance,--maybe an archway between two towers, like Nockslobber Castle,
+or an elegant cut-stone building, with a lodge at each side, like Dolly
+Mount; but there we were, Molly, driving through deep clay roads, with
+great fields of maize at each side of us, and neither a gate nor a
+hedge,--not a bit of paling to be seen anywhere. There were trees
+enough, but they were ugly pines and firs, or beech, with all the lower
+branches lopped away for firewood. We had two miles or more of this
+interesting landscape, and then we came out upon a great wide space
+planted with mangel and beetroot, and all cut up with little drains, or
+canals of running water; and in the middle of this, like a great, big,
+black, dirty jail, stood the Castle of Wolfenfels. I give you my first
+impressions honestly, Molly, because, on nearer acquaintance, I have
+lived to see them changed.
+
+I must say our reception drove all other thoughts away. The old Baron
+was confined to his room with the gout, and could n't come down to meet
+us; but the discharge of cannon, the sounds of music, and the joyful
+shouts of the people--of whom there were some hundreds assembled--was
+really imposing.
+
+The young Baron, too, looked far more awake and alive than he used to do
+at Bonn; and he was dressed in a kind of uniform that rather became
+him. He was overjoyed at our arrival, and kissed K. I. and James on both
+cheeks, and made them look very much ashamed before all the people.
+
+"Never was my poor castle so much honored," said he, "since the King
+of--somewhere I forget--came to pass the night here with my ancestor,
+Conrad von Wolfenschafer; and that was in the sixth century."
+
+"Begad, it's easy to see you have had no encumbered estates court," said
+K. I., "or you would n't be here to tell us that."
+
+"My ancestor did not hold from the King," said he. "He was not what you
+call a vessel!"
+
+K. I. laughed, and only said, "Faith, there's many of us mighty weak
+vessels, and very leaky besides."
+
+After that he conducted us through two lines of his menials.
+
+[Illustration: 488]
+
+"I do detest to have so many 'detainers'"--he meant retainers. "I hope
+you are less annoyed in this respect."
+
+"You don't dislike them more than I do," said K. I.; "the very name
+makes me shudder."
+
+"How your fader and I agree!" said he to Mary Anne. "We are one family
+already."
+
+And we all laughed heartily as we went to our rooms. Every country has
+its own ways and habits, but I must say, Molly, that the furniture of
+these castles is very mean. There were two children's beds for K. I. and
+myself,--at least they did not look longer than the beds in the nursery
+at home,--with what K. I. called a swansdown poultice for coverlid; no
+curtains of any kind, and the pillows as big as a small mattress. Four
+oak chairs, and a looking-glass the size of your face, and a chest of
+drawers that would n't open, and that K. I. had to make serviceable
+by lifting off the marble slab on the top,--this was all our room
+contained. There were old swords and pikes hung up in abundance, and a
+tree of the family history, framed and glazed, over the chimney,--but
+these had little to do towards making the place comfortable.
+
+"He's a good farmer, anyhow," said K. I., looking out of the window. "I
+did n't see such turnips since I left England."
+
+"I suppose he has a good steward," said I, for I began to fear that K.
+I. would make some blunder, and speak to the Baron about crops, and so
+forth.
+
+"Them drills are as neat as ever I seen," said he, half to himself.
+
+"Look now, K. I.," said I to him, gravely, "make your own remarks on
+whatever you like, but remember where we are, and that it's exactly the
+same as if we were on a visit to the Duke of Leinster at home. If you
+must ask questions about farming, always say, 'How does your steward do
+this?' 'What does he think of that?' Keep in mind that the aristocracy
+does n't dirty its fingers abroad as it does in England, with
+agricultural pursuits, and that they have neither prizes for cows nor
+cottagers!"
+
+"Mrs. D.," said he, turning on me like a tiger, "are you going to teach
+me polite breeding and genteel manners?"
+
+"I wish to the saints I could," said I, "if the lesson was only good for
+a week."
+
+"Look now," said he, "if I detect the slightest appearance of any
+drilling or training of me,--if I ever find out that you want to impose
+me on the world for anything but what I am,--may I never do any good if
+I don't disgrace you all by my behavior!"
+
+"Can you be worse?" said I.
+
+"I can," said he; "a devilish deal worse."
+
+And with that he went out of the room with a bang that nearly tore the
+door off its hinges, and never came back till late in the evening.
+
+We apologized for his not appearing at dinner by saying that he
+felt fatigued, and requested that he might be permitted to sleep on
+undisturbed; and as, happily, he did go to bed when he returned, the
+excuse succeeded.
+
+So that you see, Molly, even in the midst of splendor and greatness,
+that man's temper, and the mean ways he has, keeps me in perpetual hot
+water. I know, besides, that when he is downright angry, he never cares
+for consequences, nor counts the damage of anything. He 'd just go down
+and tell the Baron that we had n't a sixpence we could call our own;
+that Dodsborough was mortgaged for three times its value; and that,
+maybe, to-morrow or next day we 'd be sold out in the Cumbered Court.
+He 'd expose me and Mary Anne without the slightest compunctuation, and
+there 's not a family secret he would n't publish in the servants' hall!
+
+Don't I remember well, when the 55th was quartered at Bruff, he used
+to boast at the mess that he could n't give his daughters a farthing
+of fortune, when any man with proper feelings, and a respect for his
+position, would have made it seem that the girls had a snug thing quite
+at their own disposal. Isn't the world ready enough, Molly, to detect
+one's little failings and shortcomings, without our going about to put
+them in the "Hue and Cry"? But that was always the way with K. I. He
+used to say, "It's no disgrace to us if we can't do this;" "It's no
+shame if we 're not rich enough for that" But I say, it is both a shame
+and a disgrace if _it 's found out_, Molly. That's the whole of it!
+
+I used to think that coming abroad might have taught him
+something,--that he 'd see the way other people lived, and similate
+himself to their manners and customs. Not a bit of it. He grows worse
+every day. He's more of a Dodd now than the hour he left home. The
+consequence is that the whole responsibility of supporting the credit of
+the family is thrown upon me and Mary Anne. I don't mean to say that we
+are unequal to the task, but surely the whole burden need n't be laid
+upon our shoulders. That we are on the spot from which I write these
+lines is all my own doing. When we first met the young Baron at Bonn, K.
+I. tried to prejudice us against him; he used to ridicule him to James
+and the girls, and went so far as to say that he was sure he was a low
+fellow!
+
+What an elegant blunder we 'd have made if we 'd took his advice! It's
+all very fine saying he does n't "look like this "--or he has n't an
+"air of that;" sure nobody can be taken by his appearance abroad. The
+scrubbiest old snuffy creatures that go shambling about with shoes too
+big for them, airing their pocket-handkerchiefs in the sun, are dukes or
+marquises, and the elegantly dressed men in light blue frocks, all frogs
+and velvet, are just bagmen or watering-place doctors. It takes time,
+and great powers of discriminality, Molly, to divide the sheep from the
+goats; but I have got to that point at last, and I 'm proud to say that
+he must be a really shrewd hand that imposes upon your humble servant.
+
+Long as this letter is, I 'd have made it longer if I had time, for
+though we 're only a short time here, I have made many remarks to myself
+about the ways and manners of foreign country life. The post, however,
+only goes out once a week, and I don't wish to lose the occasion of
+giving you the first intelligence of where we are, what we are doing,
+and what's--with the Virgin's help--before us!
+
+Up to this, it has been all hospitalities and the honors of the house,
+and I suppose, until the old Baron is up and able to see us, we 'll hear
+no more about the marriage. At all events, you may mention the matter in
+confidence to Father John and Mrs. Clancey; and if you like to tell the
+Davises, and Tom Kelly, and Margaret, I 'm sure it will be safe with
+them. You can state that the Baron is one of the first families in
+Europe, and the richest. His great-grandfather, or mother, I forget
+which, was half-sister to the Empress of Poland, and he is related,
+in some way or other, to either the Grand Turk, or the Grand-Duke of
+Moravia,--but either will do to speak of.
+
+All the cellars under the castle are, they say, filled with gold, in
+the rough, as it came out of his mines, and as he lives in what might be
+called an unostensible manner, his yearly savings is immense. I suppose
+while the old man lives the young couple will have to conform to his
+notions, and only keep a moderate establishment; but when the Lord takes
+him, I don't know Mary Anne if she 'll not make the money fly. That I
+may be spared to witness that blessed day, and see my darling child in
+the enjoyment of every happiness, and all the pleasures of wealth, is
+the constant prayer of your faithful friend,
+
+Jemima Dodd.
+
+P. S. If Mary Anne has finished her sketch of the castle, I'll send it
+with this. She 'd have done it yesterday, but, unfortunately, she had
+n't a bit of red she wanted for a fisherman's small-clothes,--for it
+seems they always wear red in a picture,--and had to send down to the
+town, eleven miles, for it.
+
+Address me still here when you write, and let it be soon.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXXVII. KENNY JAMES DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE,
+BRUFF.
+
+The Castle of Wolfenfels.
+
+My dear Tom,--I 'm glad old Molly has shown you Mrs. D.'s epistle,
+which, independent of its other claims, saves me all the trouble of
+explaining where we are, and how we came there. We arrived on Wednesday
+last, and since that have been living in a very quiet, humdrum kind of
+monotonous life, which, were it in Ireland, we should call, honestly,
+tiresome; but as the scene is Germany and the Black Forest, I suppose
+should be chronicled as highly romantic and interesting. To be plain,
+Tom, we inhabit a big house--they call it a castle--in the midst of a
+large expanse of maize and turnips, backed by a dense wood of pines. We
+eat and drink in a very plain sort of over-abundant and greasy
+fashion. We sleep in a thing like the drawer of a cabinet, with a large
+pincushion on our stomachs for covering. We smoke a home-grown weed,
+that has some of the bad properties of tobacco; and we ponder--at least
+I do--of how long it would take of an existence like this to make a man
+wish himself a member of the vegetable creation. Don't fancy that I'm
+growing exorbitant in my demands for pleasure and amusement, nor believe
+that I have forgotten the humdrum uniformity of my life at home. I
+remember it all, and well. I can recall the lazy hours passed in the
+sunshine of our few summer days; I can bring back to mind the wearisome
+watching of the rain as it poured down for a spell of two months
+together, when we asked each other every morning, "What's to become
+of the wheat? How are we to get in the turf, if this lasts?" The
+newspapers, too, only alternated their narratives of outrage with flood,
+and spoke of bridges, mills, and mail-coaches being carried away in
+all directions. I mention these to show you that, though "far from the
+land," not a trait of it is n't green in my memory. But still, Tom,
+there was, so to say, a tone and a keeping in the picture which
+is wanting here. Our home dulness impressed itself as a matter of
+necessity, not choice. We looked out of our window at a fine red-brick
+mansion, two miles away,--where we 've drunk many a bottle of claret,
+and in younger days danced the "White Cockade" till morning,--and we see
+it a police-station, or mayhap a union. A starved dog dashes past the
+door with a hen in his mouth; we recognize him as the last remnant of
+poor Fetherstone's foxhounds, now broken up and gone. The smoke does n't
+rise from the midst of the little copses of beech and alder, along the
+river side; no, the cabins are all roofless, and their once inhabitants
+are now in Australia, or toiling to enrich the commonwealth of America.
+
+There is a stir and a movement going forward, it is true; but, unlike
+that which betokens the march of prosperity and gain, it only implies
+transition. Ay, Tom, all is changing around us. The gentry are going,
+the middle classes are going, and the peasant is going,--some of their
+free will, more from hard necessity. I know that the general opinion is
+favorable to all this,--in England, at least The cry is ever, "Ireland
+is improving,--Ireland will be better." But my notion is that by Ireland
+we should understand not alone the soil, the rocks, and the rivers, but
+the people,--the heart and soul and life-blood that made the island the
+generous, warm-hearted, social spot we once knew it. Take away these,
+and I no longer recognize it as my country. What matters it to me if the
+Scotchman or the Norfolk farmer is to prosper where we only could exist?
+My sympathies are not with _him_. You might as well try and console me
+for the death of my child by showing me how comfortably some other man's
+boy could sleep in his bed. I want to see Ireland prosper with Irishmen;
+and I wish it, because I know in my heart the thing is possible and
+practicable.
+
+I 'm old enough--and, indeed, so are you--to remember when the English
+used to be satisfied to laugh at our blunders and our bulls, and
+ridicule our eccentricities; but the spirit of the times is changed,
+and now they 've taken to rail at us, and abuse us, as if we were the
+greatest villains in Europe. They assume the very tone the Yankee adopts
+to the Red Man, and frankly say, "You must be extirpated!" Hence the
+general flight that you now witness. Men naturally say, "Why cling to
+a land that is no longer secure to us? Why link our destinies to a soil
+that may be denied to us to-morrow?" And the English will be sorry for
+this yet. Take my word for it, Tom, they 'll rue it! Paddy, by reason of
+his poverty and his taste for adventure, and a touch of romance in his
+nature, was always ready to enlist. He did n't know what might not turn
+out of it. He knew that Wellington was an Irishman, and, faith, he had
+only to read very little to learn that most of the best men came from
+the same country. Luck might, then, stand to him, and, at all events, it
+was n't a bad change from four-pence a day, stone-breaking!
+
+Now, John Bull took another view of it. _He_ was better off at home.
+He had n't a spark of adventure about him. His only notion of worldly
+advancement led through money. You 'll not catch him becoming a soldier.
+Every year will make him less and less disposed to the life. Cheapen
+food and luxuries, reduce tariffs and the cost of foreign produce,
+and the laborer will think twice before he 'll give up home and its
+comforts, to be, as the song says,--
+
+     "Proud as a goat,
+     With a fine scarlet coat,
+     And a long cap and feather."
+
+Turn over these things in your mind, Tom, and see if England has not
+made a great mistake in eradicating the very class she might have
+reckoned upon in any warlike emergency. Take my word for it, it is a
+fine thing to have at your disposal a hundred thousand fellows who can
+esteem a shilling a day a high premium, and who are not too well off in
+the world to be afraid of leaving it! How did I come here at all? What
+has led me into this digression? I protest to you solemnly, Tom, I don't
+know. I can only say that my hand trembles, and my head throbs with
+indignation, as I think over this insolent cant that tells us that
+Ireland has no chance of prosperity save in ceasing to be Irish. It is
+worse than a lie,--it is a mean, cowardly slander!
+
+I must leave off this till my brain is calmer: besides, whether it is
+the light wines I 'm drinking, or my anger has brought it on, but I 've
+just got a terrible twinge of gout in my right foot.
+
+
+Tuesday Evening.
+
+I have passed a miserable twenty-four hours. They 've all the incentives
+to gout in this country, and yet they don't appear to have the commonest
+remedies against it. I sent Belton's recipe to be made up at the
+apothecaries', and they had never as much as heard of one of the
+ingredients! They told me to regulate my diet, and be careful to avoid
+acids,--and this, while I was bellowing like a bull with pain. It was
+like replying to my request for a shirt, by saying that they were going
+to sow flax in August It 's their confounded cookery, and the vinegar we
+wash it down with, has given me this!
+
+The old housekeeper at last took compassion on my sufferings, and made
+me up a kind of broth of herbs that nearly finished me. She assured
+me that they all grew wild in the fields, and were freely eaten by the
+cattle. I can only say it's well that Nebuchadnezzar was n't put out to
+graze here! Sea-sickness was a mild nausea compared to it I 'm better
+now; but so low and so depressed, and with such loss of energy, that in
+a discussion with Mrs. D. about Mary Anne's "trousseau," as they call
+it, I gave in to everything!
+
+Since this attack seized me, events have made a great progress; indeed,
+a suspiciously minded person would n't scruple to say that a mild poison
+had been administered to me to forward the course of negotiations; and
+in my heart and soul I believe that another bowl of the same broth would
+make me consent to my daughter's union with the Bey of Tunis! The poor
+old Dean of Lurra used to say of the Baths of Kreutznach, "I 've lost
+enough flesh in three weeks to make a curate!"--and, indeed, when I look
+at myself in the glass, I turn involuntarily around to see where's the
+rest of me!
+
+Meanwhile, as I said, all has been arranged and settled, and the
+marriage is fixed for an early day in the coming week. I suppose it's
+all for the best I take it that the match is a very great one; but I own
+to you frankly, Tom, I 'd have fewer misgivings if the dear child was
+going to be the wife of some respectable man of her own country, though
+he had neither a castle to live in nor a title to bestow.
+
+Foreigners are essentially and totally different from us in everything;
+and marrying one of them is, to my thinking, the very next thing to
+being united to some strange outlandish beast, as one reads of in fairy
+tales. I suppose that my prejudice is a very mean and narrow-minded one;
+but I can't get rid of it. It looks churlish and cold-hearted in me that
+I cannot show the same joy on the occasion that the others display; but,
+with all my efforts, and the very best will, I can't do it, Tom. The
+bridegroom, too, is not to my taste: he is one of those moping, dreamy,
+moonstruck fellows, that pass their lives in an imaginary sphere of
+thought and action; and, to _my_ thinking, these people are distasteful
+to the world at large, and insufferable to their wives.
+
+I think I see that Mary Anne already anticipates he will prove a
+stubborn subject. Her mother, however, gives her courage and support.
+She gently insinuates, too, that worse cases have been treated
+successfully. Lord help us, it's a strange world!
+
+As to the material features of the affair,--I mean as regards means and
+fortune,--he appears to have more than enough, yet not so much as to
+prevent his giving a very palpable hint to me about what I intended
+to give my daughter. He made the overture with a most laudable candor,
+though, I own, with no excess of delicacy. James, however, had in a
+manner prepared me for it, and mentioned that I was indebted for this
+gratification, as I am for a variety of others, to Mrs. D. It seems
+that, by way of giving a very imposing notion of our possessions, she
+had cut the county map out of O'Kelly's old Gazetteer, and passed it
+off for the survey of our estate. Of course I could n't disavow the
+statement, and have been reduced to the pleasant alternative of settling
+on my daughter about five baronies and twenty townlands of Tipperary,
+with no inconsiderable share of villages and hamlets. Some old leases,
+an insurance policy, and a writ against myself have served me for
+title-deeds; and though the young Baron pores over them for hours with
+a dictionary, thanks to the figurative language of the law, they have
+defied detection!
+
+The father is still too ill to receive me, but each day I am promised an
+interview with him. Of what benefit to either of us it is to prove, may
+be guessed from the fact that we cannot speak to each other. You will
+perceive from all this, Tom, that I am by no means enamored of our
+approaching greatness; and it is but fair to state that James is
+even less so. He calls the Baron a "snob;" and probably, in all the
+fashionable vocabulary of an enlightened age, a more depreciatory
+epithet could not be discovered. What a sham and a humbug is all the
+parade we make of our parental affection, and what a gross cheat, too,
+do we practise upon ourselves by it! We train up a girl from infancy
+with every care and devotedness,--we surround her with all the luxuries
+our means can compass, and every affection of our hearts,--and we give
+her away, for "better and for worse," to the first fellow that offers
+with what seems a reasonable chance of being able to support her!
+
+Many of us would n't take a butler with the scanty knowledge we accept a
+son-in-law. His moral qualities, his disposition, the habits he has been
+reared in,--what do we know of them? Less than nothing! And yet, while
+we ask about these, and twenty more, of the man to whom we are about to
+confide the key of our cellar, we intrust the happiness of our child
+to an unknown individual, the only ascertained fact about whom--if even
+that be so--is his income!
+
+As I should like to tell you every step I take in this affair, I'll not
+send off my letter till I can give you the latest information. Meanwhile
+let me impress upon you that it is now three months since I received
+a shilling from Ireland. James has just informed me that there is not
+fifty pounds left of the McCarthy legacy, of which his mother only gave
+him permission to draw for three hundred. The debate upon this, when
+it comes, will be strong. What I intend is that immediately after Mary
+Anne's marriage we should return to Ireland; but of course I reserve the
+declaration for a fitting opportunity, since I well know how it will be
+received. Cary would never marry a foreigner, nor would anything induce
+me to consent to her doing so. James is only frittering away his best
+years here in idleness and dissipation; and if I can get nothing for him
+from the Government, he must emigrate to Australia or New Zealand. As
+for Mrs. D., the sooner she gets home to Dodsborough the better for her
+health, her means, and her morals!
+
+I am afraid to say a word about Ireland and Irish affairs, for as sure
+as I do I stick fast there; still I must say that I think you 're wrong
+for abusing those members that have accepted office from Government. Put
+it to yourself, my dear Tom; if anybody offered you fifty pounds for the
+old gray mare you drive into market of a Saturday, would you set about
+explaining that she was blind of an eye, and a roarer, with a splint
+before, and a spavin behind? Would n't you rather expatiate upon her
+blood and breeding, her endurance of fatigue, and her fine trotting
+action? I don't know you if you would n't! Well, it's just the same with
+these fellows. Briefless lawyers and distressed gentlemen as they are,
+why should they say to the Ministry, "You're giving too much for us; we
+can neither speak for you nor write for you; we have neither influence
+at home, nor power abroad; we are a noisy, riotous, disorderly set of
+devils, always quarrelling amongst ourselves, and never agreeing, except
+when there 's a bit of robbery or roguery to be done; don't think of
+buying _us_; it is a clear waste of public money; we 'd only disgrace
+and not benefit you"? If anybody is to be blamed, it is the Ministers
+that bought them, Tom.
+
+As to all your disputed questions of education, tenant-right, and
+taxation, take my word for it you have no chance of settling them
+amicably; and for this reason: a great number of excellent men, on both
+sides, have pledged themselves so strongly to particular opinions that
+they cannot decently recant, and yet they begin to see many points in
+a different view, and would, were the matter to come fresh before them,
+treat it in another fashion. If you really wish to see Ireland better,
+try and get people to let her alone for some fifteen or twenty years.
+She is nearly ruined by doctoring. Just wait a bit, and see if the
+natural goodness of constitution won't do more for her than all your
+nostrums.
+
+James has just interrupted me, to say that he has shot "the partridge,"
+for it seems there was only one in the country. That's the fruits of
+revolution. Before the year '48, this part of Germany abounded in game
+of every sort--partridges, hares, and quails, in immense abundance,
+besides plenty of deer on the hills, and that excellent bird the
+"Auer-Hahn," which is like the black-cock we have at home. When the
+troubles came, the peasants shot everything; and now the whole breed
+of game is extinct. They tell me it is the same throughout Bohemia and
+Hungary,--the two best sporting countries in all Europe. Foreigners were
+never oppressed with game-laws as we are; there was a far wider liberty
+enjoyed by them in this respect, and, in consequence, the privileges
+were less abused; so that really the wholesale destruction is much to
+be regretted. But is it not exactly what always follows in every case of
+popular domination? The masses love excess, and are never satisfied with
+anything short of it. I don't pretend to say that the Germans had not
+good and valid reasons for being dissatisfied with their Governments.
+I believe, in my heart, it would be difficult to imagine a more stupid
+piece of ingenuous blundering than a German Administration; and this is
+the less excusable when one thinks of the people over whom they rule.
+
+The excesses of that same year of '48 will be the stock-in-trade for
+these grinding Governments for many a day to come. It is like a "barring
+out" to a cruel schoolmaster; the excuse for any violence he may wish to
+indulge in. At the same time I say this, I tell you frankly that none
+of the foreigners I have yet seen are fit for the system of a
+representative Government. From whatever causes I know not, but they are
+less patient, less given to calm investigation, than the English. Their
+perceptions are as quick--perhaps quicker--but they will not weigh the
+consequences of conflicting interests, and, above all, they will not put
+any restrictions upon their own liberty for the benefit of the community
+at large. Their origin, climate, traditions, and so forth, of course
+influence them greatly; but I have a notion, Tom, that our domesticity
+has a very considerable share in the formation of that temperate and
+obedient spirit so observable amongst us. I think I see the sly dimple
+that 's deepening in the corner of your mouth as you murmur to yourself,
+"Kenny James is thinking of his Mrs. D. He's pondering over the natural
+results of home discipline." But that is not what I mean, at least it
+is not the whole of it. My theory is that a family is the best
+training-school for the virtues that prosper in a well-ordered State,
+and that the little incidents of home life have a wonderful bearing
+upon, and similarity to, the great events that stir mankind.
+
+I was going to become very abstruse and incomprehensible, I've no doubt,
+on this theme, but Mrs. D. just dropped in with a small catalogue of
+some three hundred and twenty-one articles Mary Anne requires for her
+wedding.
+
+I ventured to hint that her mother entered the connubial state with
+a more modest preparation; and hereupon arose one of those lively
+discussions now so frequent between us, in which, amidst other desultory
+and miscellaneous remarks, she drew a graphic contrast between marrying
+a man of rank and title, and "making a low connection that has forever
+served to alienate the affection of one's family."
+
+Will you tell me what peculiarity there is in the atmosphere, or the
+food, or the electric influences abroad, that have made a woman that was
+at least occasionally reasonable at home a most unmanageable fury on the
+Continent? I don't want to deny that we had our little differences at
+Dodsborough, but they were "tiffs,"---mere skirmishes,--but here they
+are downright pitched battles, Tom. She will have it so, too. She won't
+exchange a few shots and retire, but she comes up in line, with her
+heavy artillery, and seems resolved to have a day of it! If this blessed
+tour brought me no other pleasures than these, I 'd have reason to thank
+it! You, of course, are quite ready to assert that the fault is as
+much mine as hers,--that I provoke contradiction,--that I even invite
+conflict! There you are perfectly in the wrong! I do, I acknowledge,
+intrench myself in a strong position, and only fire an occasional shot
+at any tempting exposure of the enemy; but she comes on by storm and
+escalade, and, sparing neither age nor sex, never stops till she's in
+the very heart of the citadel. That I come out maimed, crippled, and
+disabled from such encounters, is not to be wondered at.
+
+Amongst the other signs of progress of our enlightened age, a very
+remarkable one is the habit, now become a law, for everybody with any
+pretensions to the rank of a gentleman, to live in the same style, or,
+at least, with as close an imitation as he can of it, as persons of
+large fortune. Men like myself were formerly satisfied with giving their
+friends a little sherry and port at dinner, continued afterwards, till
+some considerate friend begged, "as a favor," for a glass of punch. Now
+we start with Madeira after the soup, if you have n't had oysters and
+chablis before, hock with your first _entree_, and champagne afterwards,
+graduating into Chambertin with "the roast," and Pacquarete with the
+dessert, claret, at double the price it costs in Ireland, closing the
+entertainment. Why, a duke cannot do more than Kenny Dodd at this rate!
+To be sure the cookery will be more refined, and the wines in higher
+condition. Moet will be iced to its due point, and Chateau Margaux will
+be served in a carefully aired decanter; but the cost, the outlay, will
+be fully as much in one case as the other. Have we--that is to say,
+humble men like myself--gained by this in an intellectual or social
+point of view? Not a bit of it! We have lost all that easy cordiality
+that was native to us in our former condition, and we have not become as
+coldly polite and elegantly tiresome as the grand folk.
+
+The same system obtains in other matters. _My_ daughter must be dressed
+on her wedding-day like Lady Olivia or Lady Jemima, who has a father a
+marquis, and fifty thousand pounds settled on her for pin-money.
+
+The globe has to become tributary to the marriage of Mary Anne! Cashmere
+sends a shawl; Lyons, silk; and Genoa, velvet; furs from Hudson's Bay,
+and feathers from Mexico; Valenciennes and Brussels contribute lace;
+Paris reserving for her peculiar snare the architectural skill that
+is to combine these costly materials, and construct out of them that
+artistic being they call a "bride." Taking a wife with nothing "but the
+clothes on her back" used to be the expression of a most disinterested
+marriage. Now it might mean anything between Swan and Edgar's and Howell
+and James's, or, to state it differently, between moderate embarrassment
+and irretrievable ruin!
+
+If you ask me how I am to pay for all this, or when, I tell you honestly
+and fairly, I don't know. As well as I can make out the last accounts
+you sent me, we 're getting deeper into debt every day; but as figures
+always distract and puzzle me, I'd rather you'd put the case into
+something like a statement in words, just saying when we may expect a
+remittance, and how much it will be. I find that I shall lose the mail
+if I don't cease at once; but I 'll send you a few lines by to-morrow's
+post, as I have something important to say, but can't remember it now.
+
+Yours, ever sincerely,
+
+Kenny James Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXXVIII. KENNY JAMES DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+
+My dear Tom,--The post hadn't left this five minutes yesterday, when I
+remembered what I wanted to say to you. Wednesday, the 26th, is fixed
+for the happy occasion; and if nothing should intervene, you may insert
+the following paragraph in the "Tipperary Press," under the accustomed
+heading of "Marriage in High Life": "The Baron Adolf Heinrich
+Conrad Hapsburg von Wolfenschafer, Lord of the Manors of Hohendeken,
+Kalbsbratenhausen, and Schweinkraut, to Mary Anne, eldest daughter of
+Kenny James Dodd, Esq., of Dodsborough, in this county." Faith, Tom, I
+was near saying "universally regretted by a large circle of afflicted
+survivors," for I was just wishing myself dead and buried! But you must
+put it in the usual formula of "beautiful and accomplished," and take
+care it is not applied to the bridegroom, for, upon my conscience, his
+claim to the first epithet couldn't be settled by even a Parliamentary
+title! My heart is heavy about it all, and I wish it was over!
+
+If anything exemplifies the vanity of human wishes, it is our efforts to
+marry our daughters, and our regrets when the plans succeed. Tom goes
+to India, and Billy to sea, and there is scarcely a gap in the family
+circle. "The boys" were seldom at home,--they were shooting in Scotland,
+or hunting in England, or fishing in Norway. They never, so to say, made
+part of the effective garrison of the house; they came and went with
+that rackety good-humor that even in quiet families is pleasurable; but
+your girls are household gods: lose _them_, even one of them, and the
+altar is despoiled. The thousand little unobtrusive duties, noiseless
+cares, that make home better a hundred-fold than anywhere else, be
+it ever so rich and splendid, the unasked solicitude, the watchful
+attention that provides for your little daily wants and habits, are all
+_their_ province. And just fancy, then, what scheming and intriguing we
+practise to get rid of them! You 'll say that this shows we are above
+the selfishness of only considering our own enjoyment, and that we
+sacrifice all for their happiness. There you mistake; our sole aim is
+a rich man,--our one notion of a good marriage is that the husband be
+wealthy. It's not a man like myself, who has sometimes paid fifty, ay,
+sixty per cent for money, that can afford to sneer at and despise it;
+but this I will say, that the mere possession of it will not suffice for
+happiness. I know fellows with fifteen thousand a year that have not
+the heart to spend five hundred. I know others that, with as much, are
+always over head and ears in debt, raising cash everywhere and anyhow!
+What kind of life must a girl lead that marries either of these? And
+yet would you or I think of refusing such a match for a daughter? Let me
+tell you, Tom, that for people of small fortune, the nunneries were fine
+things! What signifies serge and simple diet to the wearisome drudgery
+of a governess! If I was a woman, I think I'd rather sit in my quiet
+cell, working an embroidered suit of body clothes for Father O'Leary,
+than I'd be snubbed by the family of some vulgar citizen, tortured by
+the brats, and insulted by the servants.
+
+I don't suppose that it signifies a straw one way or other, but I
+feel some compunctions of conscience at the way I have been assigning
+imaginary estates, mines, woods, and collieries to Mary Anne for the
+last three days. I know it's mere greed makes the Baron so eager on the
+subject, since he is enormously wealthy. James and I rode twelve miles,
+this morning, through a forest that belongs to the castle, and the
+arable land stretches more than that distance in another direction; but
+who knows how he 'll behave when he discovers she has nothing! To
+be sure, we can always ascribe our ruin to political causes, and, in
+verification, exhibit ourselves as poor as need be; but still I don't
+like it And this is one of the blessed results of a false position,--one
+step in a wrong direction very frequently necessitates a long journey.
+Yesterday I protested to my affluence; to-day I vouched for the nobility
+of my family. Heaven only can tell what I won't swear to to-morrow! And
+again I am interrupted by Mrs. D., who has just come to inform me that
+though the bride's finery can all be had at Paris,--whither the
+happy couple are to repair for the honeymoon,--there are certain
+indispensables must be obtained at once from Baden; and she begs that
+I will privately write a few lines to Morris, who will, of course,
+undertake the commission. It is not without shame that I enclose a list
+of purchases to make, which, to a man who knew what we were in Ireland,
+will appear preposterous; but the false position we have attained to is
+surrounded with interminable mortifications of the same kind.
+
+Ah, Tom! I remember the time when, if a bride changed her smart white
+silk and muslin that she wore at the altar for a good brown or blue
+satin pelisse to travel in, we thought her a miracle of fashion and
+finery; but now the millinery of a wedding is the principal thing. There
+is a stereotyped formula, out of which there is no hope of conjugal
+happiness; and the bride that begins life without Brussels lace enters
+upon her career with gloomy omens! Now, a scarf of this alone costs
+thirty guineas; you may, if you like, go as high as a hundred and fifty.
+Why can't people wait for the ruin that is so sure to overtake them,
+without forestalling it in this way? Twenty pounds for clothes, and a
+trip to Castle Connel or Kilkee for the honeymoon, would have satisfied
+every wish of Alary Anne's heart in Ireland; and if she drove away in a
+post-chaise with four horses for the first stage, she 'd have been the
+envy of all the marriageable girls for miles round.
+
+But now I have had to ask Morris to buy a travelling-carriage, because
+Mrs. D., in one of those expansions of splendor that occasionally attack
+her, said to the Baron, "Oh, take one of our carriages, we have left
+several of them at Baden." The excellent woman cannot be brought to
+perceive that romance of this kind is a most expensive amusement. I have
+drawn a bill on you for four hundred at three months, to meet these, and
+sent it to Morris to "get done." I hope he 'll succeed, and I hope you
+'ll pay it when it comes due; so that come what will, Tom, my intentions
+are honorable!
+
+If Mrs. D. and myself had been upon better terms, we might have
+discussed this marriage question more fully and confidentially, but
+there are now so many cabinet difficulties that we rarely hold a
+council, and when we do, we are sure to disagree. This is another
+blessed result of our continentalizing. Home had its duties, and with
+them came that spirit of concord and agreement so essential to family
+happiness; but in this vagabond kind of existence, where every-thing is
+feigned, unreal, and unnatural, all concert and confidence is completely
+lost.
+
+Now I have told you frankly and fairly everything about us, and don't
+take advantage of my candor by giving advice, for there is nothing
+in this world I have so little taste for. There's no man above the
+condition of an idiot that is n't thoroughly aware of his failings and
+shortcomings, but all that knowledge does n't bring him an inch nearer
+the cure of them. Do you think I 'm not fully alive to everything
+you could say of my wasteful habits, my improvidence, indolence,
+irritability, and so forth? I know them all better than you do,--ay, and
+I feel them acutely, too, for I know them to be incurable! Reformation,
+indeed! Do you know when a man gives up dancing, Tom? When he's too
+stiff in the knees for it. There's the whole philosophy of life. When
+we grow wiser, as they are pleased to call it, it is always in spite of
+ourselves!
+
+I find that by enclosing this to Morris, he can forward it to you by the
+bag of the Legation. Once more let me remind you of our want of cash,
+and believe me, very faithfully your friend,
+
+Kenny I. Dodd.
+
+P. S. Address me "Freyburg, to be forwarded to the Schloss, Wolfenfels."
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XXXIX. BETTY COBB TO MRS. SHUSAN O'SHEA, PRIEST'S HOUSE, BRUFF.
+
+Dear Mrs. Shusan,--I was meaning to write to you for the last week, but
+could n't by reason of the conflagration I was in, for sure any poor
+girl might feel it, seeing that I was far away among furriners, and had
+nobody to advise, barrin' the evil counsels of my wicked heart. We cam
+here two weeks gone, on a visit to the father of the young man that 's
+going to marry "Mary Anne." It's a great big ould place, like the jail
+at Limerick, only darker, with little windows, and a flite of stairs out
+of every corner in it. And the furnishing is n't a bit newer. It's a bit
+of rag here and a rag there, an ould cabbinet, a hard sofa, and maybe
+four wooden chairs that would take a ladder to get into! Eatin' and
+drinkin' likewise the same. Biled beef--biled first for the broth,
+and sarved afterwards with cow-comers, sliced and steeped in oil--the
+Heavens preserve us! Then a dish of roast vale, with rasberry jam and
+musheroons, for they tries the human stomich with every ingradiant
+they can think of! But the great favorite of all is a salad made out of
+potatoes, biled bard, sliced and pickled the same way as the cow-comers!
+A bowl of that, Mrs. Shusan, after a long dinner, makes you feel as full
+as a tick, and if the house was afire I could n't run! To be sure, when
+the meal is over everybody sits down to coffee, and does n't distress
+themselves about anything for a matter of two hours. And, indeed, I must
+make the remark that "manials" isn't as badly treated anywhere in the
+whole 'versal globe as in Ireland, and if it was n't that I hear the
+people is runnin' away o' themselves, I 'd write a letter to the papers
+about it! 'T is exactly like pigs you are, no better; potatoes and
+butter-milk all the year round! deny it if you can. Could you offer a
+pig less wages than four pound a year?
+
+I must say, too, Shusan, that eatin' one's fill molly-fies ther nature,
+and subdues ther hasty dispositions in a wonderful way; I know it
+myself; and that after a strong supper now I can bear more from the
+mistress than I used at home, only giving a sigh now and then out of the
+fulness of my heart. But it's not them things I wanted to tell you, but
+of the state of my infections. Don't be angry with me, Mrs. Shusan. I
+don't forget the iligant lessons you gave me long ago, about thrusting
+the men; I know well how thrue every word you said is. They 're
+base, and wicked, and deceatful! Flatterin' us when we 're young and
+beautiful, and gibin' and jeerin' when we 're ould as yourself! But
+what's the use of fiting agin the will of Providence? Sure, if he
+intended us to have better husbands it's not them craytures he'd have
+left us to! My sentiments is these, Shusy: 'Tis a way of chastezin'
+us is marriage! The throubles and tumults we have with a man are our
+crosses, and it's only cowardly to avoid them. Meet your feat, say I,
+whatever it be,--whether it be a man or the measles, don't be afraid!
+
+I 'm shure and sartain it's nothing but fear makes young girls go and be
+nuns; they're afraid, and no wonder, of the wickedness of the world; but
+somehow, Shusan, like everything else in this life, one gets used to it.
+I know it well, there 's many a thing I see now, without minding, that
+long ago I dared not look at. "Live and learn," they say, and there's
+nothing so thrue! And talking of that, you 'd be shocked to see how Mary
+Anne goes on wid the young Baron. She, that would scarce let poor Doctor
+Belton spake to her alone. We meet them walk in' in the lonesomest
+places together; and Taddy and I never goes into the far part of the
+wood without seeing them! And that's not all of it, my dear, but she
+must get the mistress to give me a lecture about going off myself with a
+man.
+
+"Does n't your daughter do it, ma'am?" says I. "Is all the wickedness of
+this world," says I, "to be kept for one's betters?"
+
+"Do you call marriage wickedness?" says she.
+
+"Sometimes it is, ma'am," says I, with a look she understood well.
+
+"You 're a huzzy," says she; "and I 'll give you warnin' next Saturday."
+
+"I'll take it now," says I, "ma'am, for I'm going to better myself."
+
+If ye saw her face, Shusy, as I said this! She knows in her heart that
+she could n't get on at all without me. Not a word of a furrin lingo
+can she say; and I 'm obleeged to traduce her meanin' to all the other
+sarvants! And, indeed, that's the way I become such an iligant linguist;
+and it's no differ to me now between talkin' French and Jarman,--I make
+them just the same!
+
+I was n't in my room when Mary Anne was after me.
+
+"Ain't you a fool, Betty?" says she, puttin' a hand on my shoulder.
+
+"Maybe I am, miss," says I; "but there 's others fools as well as me!"
+
+"But I mean," says she, "isn't it silly to fall out with mamma,--that
+was always so good, and so kind, and so fond of you?"
+
+I saw at once, Shusy, how the wind was, and so I just went on folding up
+my collars and settling my things without a word.
+
+"I 'm sure," says she, "you could n't leave her in a faraway country
+like this!"
+
+"The dearest friends must part, miss," says I.
+
+"Not to speak of your own desolate and deserted condition," says she.
+
+"There's them that won't lave me dissolute and disconsoled, miss,"
+says I. And with that, Shusy, I told her that Taddy Hetzler had made me
+honorable proposals.
+
+"But you 'd not think of Taddy," says she. "He 's only a herd," says
+she.
+
+"We must take what we can get, miss," says I, "and be thanklul in this
+life."
+
+And she blushed red up to the eyes, Shusy; for she knew well what I
+meant by _that!_
+
+"But a nice girl, and a purty girl like you, Betty," says she,
+"_slendering_" me, "is n't it throwing yourself away? Sure, ye have only
+to wait a little to make an iligant match here on the Continent. Don't
+be precipitouous," says she, "but see the effect you'll make with that
+beautiful pink gownd;" and here, Shusan, she gave me all as one as a
+bran new silk of the mistress's, with five flounces, and lace trim-mins
+down the front! It's what they call glassy silk, and shines like it!
+
+"I 'm sorry, miss," says I, "that as I took the mistress's warnin', I'm
+obleeged to refuse you."
+
+"Nonsense, Betty," says she; "I'll arrange all that."
+
+"But my feelins, miss,--my feelins."
+
+"Well, I'll even engage to smoothe these," says she, laughing.
+
+And so, Shusy, I had to laugh too; for my nature is always to be easy
+and complyiant; and when anybody means well to me, they can do what they
+plaze with me. It's a weak part in my character, but I can't help it
+"I'm not able to be selfish, Miss Mary Anne," says I.
+
+"No, Betty, _that_ you are not," says she, patting my cheek.
+
+But for all that, Shusy, I 'm not going to give up Taddy till I know
+why,--tho' I did n't say so to her. So I just put up the pink gownd in
+my drawer, and went up and told the mistress I'd stay; but begged she
+wouldn't try my nerves that way another time, for my constitution would
+n't bear repated shocks. I saw she was burstin' to say something, but
+dar'n't, Shusy, and she tore a lace cuff to tatters while I was talk
+in'. Well, well, there's no deny in' it, anyhow; manials has many
+troubles, but they can give a great deal of annoyance and misery if they
+set about it right You 'd like to hear about Taddy, and I 'll be candid
+and own that he is n't what would be called handsome in Ireland, though
+here he is reckoned a fine-looking man. He is six foot four and a half,
+without shoes, a little bent in the shoulders, has long red hair, and
+sore eyes; that cums from the snow, for he's out in all weathers--after
+the pigs. You 're surprised at that, and well you may; for instead of
+keeping the craytures in a house as we do, and giving them all the filth
+we can find to eat, they turns them out wild into the woods, to eat
+beech-nuts, and acorns, and chestnuts; and the beasts grow so wicked
+that it's not safe for a stranger to go near them; and even the man that
+guides them they call a "swine-fearer."(1) Taddy is one of these; and
+when he 's dressed in a goat-skin coat and cap, leather gaiters buttoned
+on his legs, and reachin' to the hips, and a long pole, with an iron
+hook and a hatchet at the end of it, and a naked knife, two feet long,
+at his side, you 'd think the pigs would be more likely to be afraid of
+_him!_ Indeed, the first time I saw him come into the kitchen, with a
+great hairy dog they call a fang-hound at his heels, I schreeched out
+with frite, for I thought them--God forgive me!--the ugliest pare I ever
+set eyes on. To be sure, the green shade he wore over his eyes, and
+the beard that grew down to his breast, did n't improve him; but I 've
+trimmed him up since that; and it's only a slight squint, and two teeth
+that sticks out at the side of his mouth, that I can't remedy at all!
+
+Paddy Byrne spends his time mock in' him, and makin' pictures of him
+on the servants' hall with a bit of charcoal. It well becomes a dirty
+little spalpeen like him to make fun of a man four times his size. His
+notion of manly beauty is four foot eight, short legs, long breeches
+and gaiters, with a waistcoat over the hips, and a Jim Crow! A monkey is
+graceful compared to it!
+
+Taddy is not much given to talkin', but he has told me that he has been
+on the estate, "with the pigs," he calls it, since he was eight years
+old; and as he said, another time, that "he was nine-and-twenty years a
+herd," you can put the two together, and it makes him out thirty-three
+or thirty-four years of age. He never had any father or mother, which
+is a great advantage, and, as he remarks, "it's the same to him if there
+came another Flood and drowned all the world to-morrow!"
+
+Our plans is to live here till we can go and take a bit of land for
+ourselves; and as Taddy has saved something, and has very good idais
+about his own advantage, I trust, with the blessin' of the Virgin, that
+we 'll do very well.
+
+     1  Perhaps the accomplished Betty has been led into this
+     pardonable mistake from the sound of the German epithet
+     "Schwein-fuehrer."--Editor of "Dodd Correspondence."
+
+This that I tell you now, Shusan, is all in confidence, because to the
+neighbors, and to Sam Healey, you can say that I am going to be married
+to a rich farmer that has more pigs--and that's thrue--than ye 'd see in
+Ballinasloe Fair.
+
+What distresses me most of all is, I can't make out what religion he 's
+of, if he has any at all! I try him very hard about penance and 'tarnal
+punishments, but all he says is, "When we 're married I 'll know all
+about that."
+
+As the mistress writ all about Mary Anne's marriage to Mrs. Galagher,
+at the house, I don't say anything about it; but he's an ugly crayture,
+Shusan dear, and there's a hangdog, treach'rous look about him I wonder
+any young girl could like. The servants, too, knows more of him than
+they lets on, but, by rayson of their furrin language, there's no
+coming at it.
+
+Between ourselves, she doesn't take to the marriage at all, for I seen
+her twice cryin' in her room over some ould letters; but she bundled
+them up whin she seen me, and tried to laugh.
+
+"I wonder, Betty," says she, "will I ever see Dodsbor-ough again!"
+
+"Who knows, miss?" said I; "but it would be a pity if you did n't, and
+so many there that's fond of you!"
+
+"I don't believe it," says she, sharp. "I don't believe there's one
+cares a bit about me!"
+
+"Baithershin!" says I, mocking.
+
+"Who does?" says she; "can ye tell me even one?"
+
+"Sure there 's Miss Davis," says I, "and the Kellys, and there's Miss
+Kitty Doolan, and ould Molly, not to spake of Dr. Bel--"
+
+"There, do not speak of him," says she, getting red; "the very names of
+the people make me shudder. I hope I 'll never see one of them."
+
+Now, Shusan dear, I told you all that it's in my mind, and hope you 'll
+write to me the same. If you could send me the gray cloak with the blue
+linin', and the bayver bonnet I wore last winter two years, they 'd
+be useful to me here, and you could tell the neighbors that it was new
+clothes you were sendin' me for my weddin'. Be sure ye tell me how Sam
+Healey bears it. Tell him from me, with my regards, that I hope he won't
+take to drink, and desthroy his constitution.
+
+You can write to me still as before, to your attached and true friend,
+
+Betty Cobb.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XL. KENNY I. DODD TO THOMAS PURCELL, ESQ., OF THE GRANGE, BRUFF.
+
+Constance, Switzerland.
+
+My dear Tom,--Before passion gets the better of me, and I forget all
+about it, let me acknowledge the welcome arrival of your post bill
+for one hundred, but for which, Heaven knows in what additional
+embarrassment I might now be in. You will see, by the address, that I
+am in Switzerland. How we came here I 'll try and explain, if Providence
+grants me patience for the effort; this being the third time I have
+addressed myself to the task unsuccessfully.
+
+I need not refer to the situation in which my last letter to you left
+us. You may remember that I told you of the various preparations
+that were then in progress for a certain auspicious event, whose
+accomplishment was fixed for the ensuing week. Amongst others, I wrote
+to Morris for some articles of dress and finery to be procured at
+Baden, and for, if possible, a comfortable travelling-carriage, with a
+sufficiency of boxes and imperials.
+
+Of course in doing so it was necessary, or at least it was fitting, that
+I should make mention of the cause for these extraordinary preparations,
+and I did so by a very brief allusion to the coming event, and to the
+rank of my future son-in-law, the youthful Baron and heir of Wolfenfels.
+I am not aware of having said much more than this, for my letter was so
+crammed with commissions, and catalogues of purchases, that there was
+little space disposable for more intelligence. I wrote on a Monday,
+and on the following Wednesday evening I was taking a stroll with James
+through the park, chatting over the approaching event in our family,
+when a mounted postboy galloped up with a letter, which being marked
+"Most pressing and immediate," the postmaster had very properly
+forwarded to me with all expedition. It was in Morris's hand, and very
+brief. I give it to you verbatim:--
+
+     "My dear Sir,--For Heaven's sake do not advance another step
+     in this affair. You have been grossly imposed upon. As soon
+     as I can procure horses I will join you, and expose the most
+     scandalous trick that has ever come to the knowledge of
+     yours truly,
+
+     "E. Morris.
+
+     "Post-House, Tite See.   2 o'clock p.m.   Wednesday."
+
+
+You may imagine--I cannot attempt to describe--the feelings with which
+James and I read and re-read these lines. I suppose we had passed the
+letter back and forwards to each other fully a dozen times, ere either
+of us could summon composure to speak.
+
+"Do you understand it, James?" said I.
+
+"No," said he. "Do _you?_"
+
+"Not unless the scoundrel is married already," said I.
+
+"That was exactly what had occurred to me," replied he. "'Most
+scandalous trick,' are the words; and they can only mean that."
+
+"Morris is such a safe fellow,--so invariably sure of whatever he says."
+
+"Precisely the way I take it," cried James. "He is far too cautious to
+make a grave charge without ample evidence to sustain it! We may rely
+upon it that he knows what he is about."
+
+"But bigamy is a crime in Germany. They send a fellow to the galleys for
+it," said I. "Is it likely that he 'd put himself in such peril?"
+
+"Who knows!" said James, "if he thought he was going to get an English
+girl of high family, and with a pot of money!"
+
+Shall I own to you, Tom, that remark of James's nearly stunned
+me,--carelessly and casually as it fell from _him_, it almost
+overwhelmed me, and I asked myself, Why should he think she was of high
+family? Why should he suppose she had a large fortune? Who was it
+that propagated these delusions? and if there really was a "scandalous
+trick," as Morris said, could I affirm that all the roguery was on one
+side? Could I come into court with clean hands, and say, "Mrs. Dodd
+has not been cheating, neither has Kenny James "? Where are these broad
+acres of arable and pasture,--these verdant forests and swelling lawns,
+that I have been bestowing with such boundless munificence? How shall we
+prove these fourteen quarterings that we have been quoting incessantly
+for the past three weeks? "No matter for _that_," thought I, at length.
+"If the fellow has got another wife, I 'll break every bone in his
+skin!" I must have pondered this sentiment aloud, for James echoed it
+even more forcibly, adding, by way of sequel, "And kick him from this to
+Rotterdam!"
+
+I mention this in detail to show that we both jumped at once to the same
+conclusion, and, having done so, never disputed the correctness of our
+guess. We now proceeded to discuss our line of action,--James advising
+that he should be "brought to book" at once; I overruling the counsel by
+showing that we could do nothing whatever till Morris arrived.
+
+"But to-morrow is fixed for the wedding!" exclaimed James.
+
+"I know it," said I, "and Morris will be here to-night. At all events,
+the marriage shall not take place till he comes."
+
+"I 'd charge him with it on the spot," cried James. "I 'd tell him,
+in plain terms, the information had come to me from an authority of
+unimpeachable veracity, and to refute it if he could."
+
+"Refute what?" said I. "Don't you see, boy, that we really are not in
+possession of any single fact,--we have not even an allegation?"
+
+I assure you, Tom, that I had to make him read the note over again, word
+by word, before he was convinced of the case.
+
+As we walked back to the castle, we talked over the affair, and turned
+it in every possible shape, both of us agreeing that we could not, with
+any safety, intrust our intelligence to the womankind.
+
+"We 'll watch him," said James; "we 'll keep an eye on him, and wait for
+Morris."
+
+I own to you my feelings distressed me to that degree I could scarcely
+enter the house, and as to appearing at supper it was clean out of the
+question. How could I bring myself to accept the shelter of a man's
+roof against whom I harbored the very worst suspicions! Could I be
+Judas enough to sit down at table with one against whom I was hatching
+exposure and shame! It was bad enough to think that my wife and daughter
+were there. As for James, he took his place at the board with such
+an expression in his features that I verily believe Banquo looked a
+pleasanter guest at Macbeth's banquet. I betook myself to the terrace,
+and walked there till midnight, watching with eye and ear towards the
+road that led from Freyburg.
+
+"Night or Bluecher!" said the Duke, on the memorable field at Waterloo;
+but there was the blessing of an alternative in _his_ case. _Mine_ had
+none. It was Morris or nothing with _me_, And now I began anathematizing
+to myself those crusty, secret, cautious natures that are always
+satisfied when they cry "Stop!" without taking the trouble to say
+wherefore. What may be a precipice to one man, thought I, is only a step
+to another! How does _he_ know that _his_ notions of roguery would tally
+with _mine?_ There 's many a thing they call a cheat in England we
+might think a practical joke in Ireland. The national prejudices are
+constantly in opposition; look, for instance, at the opposite view they
+take of the "Income tax"! Morris, besides, is a strait-laced fellow
+that would be shocked at a trifle. Maybe it's some tomfoolery about his
+ancestors, some flaw in the 'scutcheon of Conrad, or Leopold, that
+lived in the year nine. Egad! I wonder what the Dodds were doing in that
+century? Or perhaps it is his politics he's hinting at, for I believe
+the Baron is a bit of a Radical! For that matter, so am I,--at least,
+occasionally, and when the Whigs are in power; for, as I observed to you
+once, Tom, "always be a shade more liberal than the Government." It
+was years and years before I came to see the good policy of that simple
+rule, but, believe me, it 's well worth remembering. Be a Whig to the
+Tories; be a Radical to the Whigs; and when Cobden and that batch come
+in, as they are sure to do sooner or later, there will be yet some lower
+depth to descend to and cry, "Take me out!"
+
+I was remarking that Morris is quite capable of being shocked at the
+Baron's politics, and fancying that I am giving my daughter to one of
+those Organization of Labor and Rights of Man humbugs that are always
+getting up rows and running away from them. Now, Tom, I hold these
+fellows mighty cheap. A patriot without pluck is like a steam-engine
+wanting a boiler. Why, it 's the very essence and vitality of the
+whole; but still I am not sure that, as the world goes, I 'd be right
+in refusing him my daughter because he put his faith in Kossuth, and
+thought the Austrian Empire an unclean thing!
+
+I tell you these ruminations and reasonings of mine that you may
+perceive how I turned the matter over with myself in a candid spirit,
+and was led away neither by prejudice nor passion. From ten o'clock till
+eleven--from eleven till midnight--I walked the terrace up and down,
+like the Ghost in "Hamlet,"--I hope I'm right in my quotation,--but
+neither sight nor sound indicated Morris's arrival! "What if he should
+not come!" thought I. "How can I frame a pretext for putting off the
+wedding?" There was no opening for delay that I could think of. I had
+signed no end of deeds and parchments; I had written my name to "acts"
+of every possible shape and description. The solemnity of the church and
+my paternal blessing were alone wanting to complete the fifth act of the
+drama. I racked my brain to invent a plausible, or even an intelligible
+cause for postponement. Had I been a condemned felon, I could not have
+tortured my imagination more intensely to find a pretext for a reprieve.
+But one issue of escape presented itself. I could be dangerously ill,--a
+sudden attack; at my age a man can always have gout in the stomach! My
+daughter, of course, could not be married if I was at death's door; and
+as, happily, there was no doctor in the neighborhood, the feint
+attack ran no risk of being converted into a serious action. Since the
+memorable experiment of my mock illness at Ems, I own I had no fancy for
+the performance, nor could I divest my mind of the belief that all these
+things are, in a measure, a tempting of Providence. But what else could
+I do? There was not, so far as I could see, another road open to me.
+
+I was just, therefore, turning back into the house, to take to my bed
+in a dangerous condition, when I heard the clattering of whips, in that
+crack-crack fashion your German postilion always announces an arrival.
+I at once hastened down to the door, and arrived at the same moment
+that four posters, hot and smoking, drew up a travelling-barouche to the
+spot. Morris sprang out at once, and, seizing my hand, with what for him
+expressed great warmth, said,--
+
+"Not too late, I hope and trust?"
+
+"No," said I; "thanks to your note, I was fully warned."
+
+By this time a stranger had also descended from the carriage, and stood
+beside us.
+
+"First of all, let me introduce my friend, Count Adelberg, who, I
+rejoice to say, speaks English as well as ourselves."
+
+We bowed, and shook hands.
+
+"By the greatest good luck in the world," continued Morris, "the
+Count happened to be with me when your letter arrived, and, seeing the
+post-mark, observed, 'I see you have got a correspondent in my part of
+the world,--who can he be?' Anxious to obtain information from him, I
+immediately mentioned the circumstances to which your note referred,
+when he stopped me suddenly, exclaiming, 'Is this possible,--can you
+really assure me that this is so?'"
+
+But, my dear Purcell, I cannot go over a scene which nearly overcame
+me at the time, and now, in recollection, is scarcely endurable. The
+torture and humiliation of that moment I hope never to go through again.
+In three words, let me tell my tale. Count Adelberg was the owner and
+lord of Wolfsberg, the Wolfenschafers being his stewards. This pretended
+Baron was a young swindling rascal, who had gone to Bonn less for
+education than to seek his fortune. The popular notion in Germany, that
+every English girl is an heiress of immense wealth, had suggested to
+him the idea of passing himself off for a noble of ancient family and
+possessions, and thus securing the hand of some rich girl ambitious of a
+foreign rank and title. He had considerable difficulties to encounter in
+the prosecution of his scheme, but he surmounted or evaded them all. He
+absented himself from Baden, for instance, where recognition would have
+been inevitable, under the pretext of his political opinions; and he,
+with equal tact, avoided the exposure of his father's vulgarity, by
+keeping the worthy individual confined to bed. Of the servants and
+retainers of the castle, the shrewd ones were his accomplices, the less
+intelligent his dupes. In a word, Tom, an artful plot was well laid
+and carried out, to impose upon people whose own short-sightedness and
+vulgar pretensions made them ready victims for even a less ingenious
+artifice.
+
+I was very nigh crazy as I heard this explanation. They had to hold me
+twice or thrice by main force to prevent my rushing into the house and
+wreaking a personal vengeance on the scoundrel. Morris reasoned and
+argued with me for above an hour. The Count, too, showed that our whole
+aim should be to prevent the affair getting rumored abroad, and to
+suppress all notoriety of the transaction. He alluded with consummate
+delicacy to our want of knowledge of Germany and its people as an
+explanation of our blunder, and condoled with me on the outrage to our
+feelings with all the tact of a well-bred gentleman. Any slight pricks
+of conscience I had felt before, from our own share in the deception,
+were totally merged in my sense of insulted honor, and I utterly
+forgot everything about the imaginary townlands and villages I had so
+generously laid apart for Mary Anne's dowry.
+
+The next question was, what to do? The Count, with great politeness and
+hospitality, entreated that we should remain, at least for some days,
+at the castle. He insisted that no other course could so effectually
+suppress any gossip the affair might give rise to. He supported this
+view, besides, by many arguments, equally ingenious as polite. But
+Morris agreed perfectly with me, that the best thing was to get away
+at once; that, in fact, it would be utterly impossible for us to pass
+another day under that roof.
+
+The next step was to break the matter to Mrs. D. I suppose, Tom, that
+even to as old a friend as yourself I ought not to make the confession;
+but I can't help it,--it will out, in spite of me; and I frankly admit
+it would have amply compensated to me for all the insult, outrage,
+and humiliation I experienced, if I were permitted just to lay a plain
+statement of the case before Mrs. D., and compliment her upon the
+talents she exercises for the advancement of her children, and the proud
+successes they have achieved. In my heart and soul I believe that, in
+the disposition I then felt myself, and with as good a cause to handle,
+I could very nearly have driven her stark mad with rage, shame, and
+disappointment. Morris, however, declared positively against this. He
+took upon himself the whole duty of the explanation, and even made me
+give a solemn pledge not in any way to interfere in the matter. He went
+further, and compelled me to forego my plans of vengeance against the
+young rascal who had so grossly outraged us.
+
+I have not patience to repeat the arguments he employed. They, however,
+just came to this: that the paramount question was to hush up the whole
+affair, and escape at once from the scene in which it occurred. I don't
+think I 'll ever forgive myself for my compliance on this head! I have
+an accommodating conscience with respect to many debts; but to know and
+feel that I owe a fellow a horse-whipping, and to experience in my heart
+the conviction that I don't intend to pay it, lowers me in my own esteem
+to a degree I have no power to express. I explained this to Morris.
+I showed him that in yielding to his views I was storing up a secret
+source of misery for many a solitary reflection. I even proposed to be
+satisfied with ten minutes' thrashing of him in secret; none to be the
+wiser but our two selves! He would not hear of it And now, Tom, I own to
+you that if the story gets abroad in the world, this is the part of
+it that will most acutely afflict me. I really can't tell you why
+I permitted him to over-persuade me, and make me do an act at
+once contrary to my country, my nature, and my instincts. The only
+explanation I can give is this: it is the air of the Continent. Bring
+an English bull-dog abroad, feed him with raw beef as you would at home,
+treat him exactly the same--but he loses his courage, and would n't
+face a terrier. I 'm convinced it's the same with a man; and you 'll
+see fellows put up with slights and offences here that in their own land
+they 'd travel a hundred miles to resent. One comfort I have, however,
+and it is this,--I have never been well since I yielded this point
+My appetite is gone; I can't sleep without starting up, and I have a
+fluttering about my heart that distresses me greatly; and although
+these are more or less disagreeable, they show me that, under fair
+circumstances, K. I. could be himself again; and that though the
+Continent has breached, it has not utterly destroyed, his natural good
+constitution.
+
+To be brief, our plan of procedure was this: I was to remain with the
+Count in his apartment, while Morris went on his mission to Mrs. D.
+The explanation being made, we were to take the Count's carriage to
+Constance, where we could remain for a week or so, until we had decided
+which way to turn our steps; and gave also time to Caroline, who was
+still with Morris's mother, to join us.
+
+I told M. that I did n't like to go far, that my remittances might
+possibly miss me, and so on; and the poor fellow at once said, that if
+a couple of hundred pounds could be of the slightest convenience to me,
+they were heartily at my service. Of course, Tom, I said no, that I was
+not in the least in want of money. It was the first time in my life I
+refused a loan; but I could n't take it. I could have found it easier
+to rob a church at that moment! He flushed deeply when I declined the
+offer, and stammered out something about his deep regret if he could
+have offended me; and, indeed, I had some trouble to prove that I was
+n't a bit annoyed or provoked.
+
+Although all the conversation I have alluded to took place outside the
+castle, we were not well inside the door when we perceived that Count
+Adelberg's arrival had already been made known to the household. Troops
+of servants hastened to receive him, amongst whom, however, neither the
+steward nor his son were to be found.
+
+"Send Wolfenschfer to the library," said he to a footman, as we went
+along, and then conducted me to a small and favorite chamber of which he
+always kept the key himself. He made me promise not to quit this till he
+returned, and then left me to my own not over-gratifying reflections in
+perfect solitude as they were; Morris having departed on his embassy.
+
+I was speculating on the various emotions each of us was likely to
+experience at the discovery of this catastrophe, when Morris entered the
+room, with an amount of agitation in his manner I had never witnessed
+before.
+
+"Well," said I, "you've told her,--how does she bear it?"
+
+"I confess," said he, stammeringly, "Mrs. Dodd does not appear to
+place too much reliance upon my mere word,--I mean, not that kind of
+confidence which could be called implicit."
+
+"Why, you showed her that we have been infamously deceived, grossly
+insulted?"
+
+"I endeavored to do so," said he, still hesitating. "I tried in the most
+delicate manner to explain by what vile artifices you had been tricked;
+and that, on my detection of the scheme, I had hastened over from Baden,
+fortunately in sufficient time to prevent the accomplishment of this
+nefarious plot. She scarcely would hear me out, however; for, without
+paying any regard to the proofs I was giving of my statement, she flew
+into a passion about my habit of obtruding myself into family affairs,
+and the impertinent interference which I had practised more than once
+in matters which did not concern me. In a word, she utterly disbelieved
+every word I said, attributed my interested feelings to very unworthy
+motives, and made a few personal remarks of a nature the reverse of
+complimentary."
+
+"Was my daughter present?" asked I.
+
+"Miss Dodd had gone to her room a short time previously, but Mrs. Dodd
+sent for her as I was leaving the chamber."
+
+I could not any longer master my impatience, but, without waiting for
+more, rushed upstairs and into my wife's room. A glance assured me
+that the work of persuasion was already accomplished; for she was lying
+half-fainting in a large chair, while Mary Anne and Betty were bathing
+her temples and using the usual restoratives for suspended animation.
+
+I had abundant time to observe Mary Anne during these proceedings,
+and, to my excessive wonderment do I own it, the girl was as calm, as
+self-possessed, and as collected as ever I saw her. I defy the very
+shrewdest to say that they could detect one trait of anxiety or
+discomposure about her; so that, though I saw Mrs. D. had yielded to the
+convictions of truth, I really could not say whether or not Mary Anne
+had yet heard of the story. I thought, however, I 'd explore the way
+by an artificial path, and said: "If she's well enough to be carried
+downstairs, Mary Anne, we ought to do it. The great matter is to quit
+this place at once."
+
+"Of course, papa," said she, without the slightest touch of emotion.
+
+"After what has occurred," said I, "every moment I remain is a fresh
+insult."
+
+"Quite so," said she, composedly.
+
+Ah, Tom, these women are out and out beyond us! Neither physiologists
+nor novel-writers know a bit about them. The stock themes with these
+fellows are their tender susceptibility, gentleness, and so forth. Take
+my word for it, it is in strength of character, in downright power of
+endurance, that they excel us. They possess a quality of submission
+that rises to actual heroism, and they can summon an amount of energy
+to resist an insult to their pride of which we men have no conception
+whatever.
+
+Instead of any attempt to condole with Mary Anne, or to comfort her,
+the best I could do was to try to imitate the dignified calm of her
+composure.
+
+"Don't you think," said I to her, "that we could be off by daybreak?"
+
+"Easily," said she. "Augustine is packing up, and when mamma is a little
+better I 'll assist her."
+
+"_She_ knows it all?" said I, with a gesture towards my wife.
+
+"Everything!"
+
+"And believes it at last?"
+
+A nod was the reply.
+
+Egad, Tom, this coolness completely took me aback. I could do nothing
+but stare at the girl with amazement, and ask myself, "Does she really
+know what has happened?"
+
+In utter indifference to my scrutiny, she continued her attentions to
+her mother, whispering orders from time to time to Betty Cobb.
+
+"Hadn't you better give some directions about your trunks, papa?" said
+she to me.
+
+And thus recalled to myself, I hastened to follow the advice. Faddy, as
+is customary with him at any great emergency, was drunk, and, with
+the usual consequence, engaged in active conflict with the rest of the
+servants' hall. As for James, I sought for him everywhere in vain,
+but at last learned that he was seen to saddle and bridle a horse for
+himself about half an hour before, which done, he mounted and rode off
+at speed towards the forest, which direction, it appeared, the young
+Baron! had taken some time before. I should have felt uncommonly uneasy
+for the result had they not assured me that there was not the very
+slightest chance of his overtaking the fugitive.
+
+Morris told me, too, that the old steward had been turned out of doors
+already, so that we had at least the satisfaction of a very heavy
+vengeance. The Count never ceased to show us every attention in his
+power; and, so far as politeness and good manners could atone to us,
+everything was done that could be imagined. With Morris's aid I got my
+things together, and before daybreak the carriage stood fully loaded at
+the door. There was, it is true, "an awful sacrifice" exacted by this
+hurried packing; and the frail finery of the trousseau found but scanty
+tenderness, as it was bundled up into valises and even carpet-bags!
+However, I was determined to march, even at the loss of all my baggage,
+if necessary!
+
+While these active operations went forward, Mrs. D. "improved the
+occasion" by some sharp attacks of hysterics, which providentially ended
+in a loss of voice at last; and thus a happy calm was permitted us, in
+which to take a slight breakfast before starting.
+
+If I call it slight, Tom, it was not with reference to the preparations,
+which were really on the most sumptuous scale, and all laid out in the
+large dinner-room with great taste. The Count had told Morris that if
+his presence might not be thought intrusive, he would feel it a great
+honor to be permitted to pay his respects to the ladies; and when I
+mentioned this to Mary Anne, to my no small astonishment she replied,
+"Oh, with pleasure! I really think we owe it to him for all his
+attentions." Ay! Tom, and what is more, down came my wife, who had
+passed the night in screaming and sobbing, looking all smiles and
+blandnesses, leaning on Mary Anne, who, by the way, had dressed herself
+in the most becoming fashion, and seemed quite bent on a conquest. Oh,
+these woman, these women!--read them if you can, Tom Purcell! for, upon
+my conscience, they are far above the humble intelligence of your friend
+K. I.
+
+I don't think you 'd believe me if I was to give you an account of that
+same breakfast. If ever there was an incident calculated to overwhelm
+with shame and confusion, it was precisely that which had just occurred
+to us. It was not possible to conceive a situation more painful than we
+were placed in; and with all that, I vow and declare that, except Morris
+and myself, none seemed to feel it. Mrs. D. ate and drank, and bowed and
+smiled and gesticulated, and ogled the Count to her heart's content;
+and Mary Anne chatted and laughed with him in all the ease of intimate
+acquaintanceship; and as he evidently was struck by her beauty, she
+appeared to accept the homage of his admiration as a very satisfactory
+compliment. As for me, I tried to behave with the same good breeding as
+the others, but it was no use!--every mouthful I ate almost choked me;
+every time I attempted to be jocose, I broke down, with a lamentable
+failure. Rage, shame, and indignation were all at work within me; and
+even the ease and indifference displayed by the womenkind increased
+my sense of humiliation. It might very probably have been far less
+well-mannered and genteel; but I tell you frankly, I 'd have been better
+pleased with them both if they had cried heartily, and made no secret of
+their suffering. I half suspect Morris was of the same mind too; for
+he could not keep his eyes off them, and evidently in profound
+astonishment. But for him, indeed, I don't know how I should have got
+through that morning, for Mrs. D. and her daughter were far too intent
+upon fresh conquests to waste a thought on recent defeats, and it was
+evident that Count Adelberg was received by them both with all the
+credit due to the "real article." This threw me completely on Morris for
+all counsel and guidance; and I must say he behaved admirably, making
+all the arrangements for our departure with a ready promptitude that
+showed old habits of discipline.
+
+In the Count's _caleche_ there was no room for servants; but our own was
+to follow with them and the baggage, and also bring up James,--all of
+which details M. was to look after, as well as the care of forwarding to
+me any letters that might arrive after I was gone.
+
+It was nigh eight o'clock before we started, though breakfast was over a
+little after six; and, indeed, when all was ready, horses harnessed, and
+postilions in the saddle, the Count insisted on the "ladies" ascending
+the great watch-tower of the castle to see the sun rise. He assured
+them people came from all parts of the world for that view, which was
+considered one of the finest in Europe; and in proof of his assertion
+pointed to a long string of inscriptions on marble tablets in the wall.
+Here it was the Kur Furst of this; and there the Landgravine of that.
+Dukes, archdukes, and field-marshals figured in the catalogue, and
+amidst the illustrious of foreign lands a distinguished place was
+occupied by Milor Stubbs, who made the ascent on a day in the
+year recorded. That Mrs. Dodd and Mary Anne are destined to a like
+immortality, I have no doubt whatever.
+
+At last we got into the carriage, but not until the Count had saluted
+me on both cheeks, and embraced me tenderly in stage fashion; he kissed
+Mrs. D.'s hand, and Mary Anne's also, with such a touching devotion
+that, for the first time during that memorable morning, they both wiped
+their eyes. The sight of Morris, however, seemed to recall them to the
+sober realities of life; they shook hands with him, and away we went
+at that tearing gallop which, though very little more than six miles an
+hour, has all the apparent speed and the real peril of a special train.
+
+"Where's my fur cloak? Is my muff put in? I don't see the gray shawl.
+Mary Anne, what has become of the rug? I 'm certain half our things are
+left behind. How could it be otherwise, seeing the absurd haste in which
+we came away!" These are a few specimens of Mrs. D.'s lucubrations,
+given _per saltum_ as we bumped through the deep ruts of the road, and
+will explain, as well as a chapter on the subject, the train in which
+her thoughts were proceeding.
+
+Ay, Tom! for all the disgrace and ignominy of that miserable night and
+morning, she had no other sentiment of sorrow than for the absurd haste
+in which we came away. I had firmly determined not to recur to this
+unpleasant affair, and to let it sleep amongst the archives of similar
+disagreeable reminiscences, but this provocation was really too strong
+for me! Were they women?--were they human beings, and could reason this
+way?--were the questions that struggled for an answer within me! I tried
+to repress the temptation, but I could not, and so I resolved, if I
+could do no more, at least to discipline my emotions, and hold them
+within certain limits. I waited till we were out of the grounds,--I
+delayed till we were some miles on the high-road,--and then, with a
+voice subdued to a mere whisper, and in a manner that vouched for the
+most complete subjection, said,--
+
+"Mrs. Dodd, may I be permitted to inquire--and I premise that the object
+of my question is neither any personal nor a mere vulgar curiosity, but
+simply to investigate what might be termed a physiological fact, namely,
+whether females really feel less than the males of the human species?"
+
+My dear Tom, the calm tone of my exordium availed me nothing. To no
+end was it that I propounded the purely scientific basis of my
+investigation. She flew at me at once like a tigress. The abstract
+question that I had submitted for discussion she flung indignantly
+to the winds, and boldly asked me if I thought "to escape that way."
+"Escape "--that way! I was thunderstruck, stupefied, dumfoundered!
+Did the woman want to infer--could she by any diabolical ingenuity or
+perverseness imply--that I was possibly to blame for our late
+calamity? You 'll not credit it; nobody could, but it is the truth,
+notwithstanding. _That_ was exactly the charge she now preferred against
+me. If I bad taken proper steps to investigate the "Baron's" real
+pretensions,--if _I_ had made due and fitting inquiries about him,--if
+_I_ had been commonly intelligent, and displayed the most ordinary
+knowledge of the world,--in fact, if, instead of being a bull-headed,
+blundering old Irish country gentleman, I had been a cross between a
+foreign prefect and a London detective, the chances were that we had
+been spared the mortification of exhibiting ourselves as endeavoring
+to dupe people who were already successfully engaged in duping us! This
+wasn't all, Tom, but she boldly propounded the startling declaration
+that she and Mary Anne both had suspected the Baron to be an imposition
+and a cheat! and although his low manners and vulgar tone imposed upon
+_me_, they had always regarded him as shockingly underbred! It was
+_I_, however, who had rushed into the whole misadventure,--it was _I_
+concocted the entire scheme,--_I_ planned the visit,--_I_ made up the
+match. My stupid cupidity, my blundering anxiety for a grand alliance,
+were the causes of all the evil! The mock munificence of my settlements
+was hurled at me as proof positive of the eagerness of my duplicity,
+and I was overwhelmed with a mass of accusations which I verily believe
+would have obtained a verdict against me at the hands of any honest and
+impartial jury of my countrymen.
+
+I have more than once had to acknowledge, that when perfectly assured
+in my own conscience of my innocence, Mrs. D. has contrived to shake my
+doubts about myself, and at last succeeded in making me believe that I
+might have been culpable without knowing it. I suppose in these cases I
+may have been morally innocent and legally guilty, but I 'll not puzzle
+my head by any subtlety of explanation; enough if I own that a less
+enviable predicament no man need covet!
+
+I sat under this new allegation sad, silent, and abashed; and although
+Mary Anne said but little, yet her occasional "You must admit, papa,"
+"You will surely acknowledge," or "You cannot possibly forget," chimed
+in, and swelled the full chorus of accusation against me. If I said
+nothing, I thought the more. My reflections took this shape: Here is
+another blessed fruit of our coming abroad. Such an incident never
+could have befallen us at home. Why, then, should we continue to live on
+exposed to similar casualties?
+
+Why reside in a land where we cannot distinguish the man of rank from
+his scullion, and where all the forms that constitute good breeding and,
+maybe, good grammar, are quite beyond our appreciation? Every dilettante
+scribbler for the magazines who sketches his rambles in Spain or
+Switzerland, grows jocose over some eccentricity or absurdity of his
+countrymen. Their blunders in language, dress, or demeanor are duly
+chronicled and relied upon as subjects for a droll chapter; but let
+me tell you, Tom, that the difficulties of foreign residence are very
+considerable indeed, and, except to the man who issues from England with
+a certain well-proved and admitted station, social or political, the
+society into which he may be thrown is a downright lottery. The first
+error he commits, and it is almost inevitable, is to mistake the common
+forms of hat-lifting and bowing for acquaintanceship. "Bull" thinks that
+the gentleman desires to know him, and obligingly condescends to
+accept his overtures. The foreigner, somewhat amused to see the veriest
+commonplace of politeness received as evidence of acquaintance, profits
+by the admission, chats, and comes to tea. Now, Tom, whether it be cheap
+soup, cheap clothing, cheap travelling, or cheap friendship, I have a
+strong prejudice against them all. My notion is that the real article is
+not to be had without some cost and trouble.
+
+These were some of my ruminations as we rattled along; and although the
+road was interesting, and the day a fine bracing autumnal one, my
+mind was not attuned to pleasure or enjoyment We stopped to bait at
+Donaueschingen, for we were obliged, by some accident or other, to take
+the same horses on, and found a most comfortable little inn at the sign
+of the "Sharpshooter." After dinner we took a stroll in the garden of
+the palace of the mediatized Prince of Furstenberg; for, of course,
+there is a palace and a mediatized prince wherever there is a town of
+three thousand inhabitants throughout Germany. By the way, Napoleon
+treated these people pretty much like our own Encumbered Estates Court
+at home. He sold them out without any ceremony, and got rid of
+the feudal privileges and the seignorial rights with a bang of the
+auctioneer's hammer. Of course, as with us, there was often a great
+deal of individual hardship, but these little principalities were large
+evils, and half the disturbances of Europe grew out of their corrupt
+administration.
+
+There is, I often fancy, a natural instinctive kind of corruption
+incidental to the dominion of a small state. They are too small and
+too insignificant to attract any attention from the world without,
+and within their own narrow limits there is no such thing as a public
+opinion. The ruler, consequently, is free to follow the caprices of
+his folly, his cruelty, or his wastefulness. He has neither to dread
+a parliament nor a newspaper. If he send his small contingent--a
+commander-in-chief and a drummer of great experience--to the great army
+of the Confederation he belongs to, he may tax his subjects, or hang
+them, to his heart's content! Now, I cannot imagine a worse state
+of things than this, nor any more likely to foster that spirit of
+discontent which every hour is adding to the feeling of the Continent.
+
+While I am following this theme, I am forgetting what was uppermost a
+few minutes back in my mind. In the garden of the same palace, which
+belongs to a certain fount Furstenberg, there is a singularly beautiful
+little spring; it bubbles up amidst flowers and grass, and overruns
+the greensward in many a limpid streamlet. There is something in the
+unadorned simplicity of this tiny well, rippling through the yellow
+daffodils and "starry river buds," wonderfully pleasing; but what
+an interest fills the mind as we hear that this is the source of the
+Danube! "The mighty river that sweeps along through the rocky gorges of
+Upper Austria, washes the foundations of the Imperial Vienna, and flows
+on, ever swelling and widening and deepening, to the Black Sea,--that
+giant stream, so romantic in its associations with the touching tale
+of our own Richard,--so picturesque in its windings, so teeming with
+interest to the poet, the painter, the merchant, and the politician,
+there it is, a little crystal rivulet, whose destiny might well seem
+limited to the flowery borders, and blossoming beds around it." This
+isn't mine, Tom, though it's exactly what I would have said if the words
+occurred to me, but I copy it out of the Visitors' Book, where strangers
+write their names, and, so to say, leave their cards upon the infant
+Danube.
+
+Truisms are only tiresome to the hearer; they are a delightful
+recreation to the man that tells them, so that I am sorely tempted to
+mention some of those that suggested themselves to my mind as I stood
+beside that little spring,--all the analogies that at once arose to my
+fancy, between human life and the course of a mighty river, between the
+turnings and twinings and aberrations of childhood, the headlong current
+of youth, the mature force of manhood, and the trackless issue, at last,
+into the great ocean of eternity! One lesson we may assuredly gather
+from the contemplation: not to predicate from small beginnings against
+the likelihood of a glorious future!
+
+I left the place regretfully; the tranquil quietude of my two hours'
+ramble through the garden restored me to a serene and peaceful frame
+of mind. The little village itself, the tidy, unpretending inn, clean,
+comfortable, and a model of cheapness, were all to my fancy, and I could
+very well have liked to linger on there for a week or so. After all,
+what a commentary is it upon all pursuits of pleasure and amusement,
+to think that we really find our greatest happiness in those little,
+out-of-the-way, isolated spots, remote from all the attractions and
+blandishments of the gay world! I don't mean to say that Mrs. D. quite
+concurred with me, for she grew very impatient at my delay, and wondered
+excessively "what peculiar attraction the garden of the palace might
+have possessed, to make me forget myself." But it's not so easy a thing
+to do as she thinks! Forgetting oneself, Tom, implies so many other
+oblivions. It means forgetting one's tenants that have been over-rented,
+one's banker overdrawn, one's horses overworked, one's house out of
+repair, one's estate out at elbows; forgetting the duns that torment,
+the creditors that torture you,--the latitats, the writs, the mortgages,
+the bonds,--all the inflictions, in fact, consequent to parchment,
+signed, sealed, and delivered over to your persecuting angel! Oh dear,
+oh dear! what a thirsty swig would I take of Lethe if I could! and how
+happy would I be to start fresh in life without any one of the
+"liabilities," as they call them, that attach to Kenny Dodd!
+
+I remember, when I was a schoolboy, no day of the week had such terrors
+for me as Saturday, because we were obliged to answer a repetition of
+the whole week's work. That carrying up of the past was a load that
+always destroyed me! My notion was to let bygones be bygones, and it
+was downright cruelty to take me over the old ground of my former
+calamities. The same prejudice has tracked me through life. I can face a
+new misfortune as well as my neighbors; what kills me is going back
+over the old ones. Let me tell you, too, that there is a great deal of
+balderdash talked in the world about experience,--that with experience
+you 'll do this, that, and t' other better. Don't believe a word of
+it. You might as well tell me that having the typhus will teach a man
+patience the next time he catches a fever! Take my word for it, be as
+fresh as you can against the ills of life,--know as little of them as
+you can,--think as little of them! Keep your constitution--whether it be
+moral or physical--as intact as you are able, and rely on it you 'll not
+fare the worse when it comes to the trial!
+
+It was a fine evening, with a thin rim of a new moon in the sky, when
+we got ready to leave Donaueschingen. The bill for dinner came to about
+five shillings for three of us, wine included, and no charge for rooms,
+so that when I gave as much more to the servants, the enthusiasm of
+the household knew no bounds. The housemaid, indeed, in an excess of
+enthusiasm, would kiss my hand, and got rebuked by my wife as a "forward
+hussy, that ought to be well looked after." From this incident, however,
+our attention was soon diverted by the arrival of our second carriage,
+but without James! A note from Morris explained that he did not like to
+detain the servants, lest it should prove inconvenient to us, and that
+he would take care James should join us at Constance,--probably early
+on the next day. This note was handed to me by the post-boy,--a
+circumstance speedily accounted for, as I got out and saw that the whole
+company, consisting of Betty, Augustine, the courier, Paddy Byrne, and a
+fifth, unknown, were all very drunk and unable to speak, closely wedged
+in the britschka! Of course it was no time to ask for any explanations,
+and we came on to this place, which we reached by midnight.
+
+As I have given you a somewhat full narrative of what befell us, I may
+as well, ere I conclude, add some words of explanation of the state of
+our amiable followers. Betty Cobb, it appears, was seized with connubial
+symptoms while we were at the castle, and, yielding to the soft
+impeachment, and not being deterred by any discovery of false rank or
+pretensions, actually bestowed her hand on a distinguished swineherd
+that pertained to the place. The wedding took place after we left,
+the convivial festivities being continued all along the road till they
+overtook us. Had the unlucky girl married a New Zealand chief, or a
+Kaffir, her choice could not have fallen upon a more thoroughly savage
+specimen of the human race. The fellow is a Black Forest Caliban of the
+worst description. The question is now what to do with him, for Mrs. D.
+will not consent to part with Betty, nor will Betty separate from her
+liege lord; so that amongst my other blessings I may number that of
+carrying about the world a scoundrel that would disgrace a string of
+galley-slaves! Just imagine, Tom, in the rumble of a travelling-carriage
+a fellow six foot and a half high, dressed in a cowhide, with an ox
+gond in his hand, and a long naked knife in his girdle, speaking no
+intelligible tongue, nor capable of any function save the herding of
+wild animals,--the most uncultivated specimen of brute nature I ever
+heard, saw, or even read of! Fancy, I say, the pleasure of "lugging"
+this creature over the Continent of Europe, feeding, housing, and
+clothing him, his sole claim being that he is the husband of that
+precious bargain, Betty Cobb!
+
+Why, he 'd bring shame on a beast caravan! The best of it is, too, he
+holds to his "caste" like a Hindoo, and refuses all other
+occupation save the charge of swine. He would not aid to unload the
+carriage,--would not lift a trunk, nor carry a carpet-bag; and when
+admonished by Paddy for his laziness, showed two inches of a broad knife
+up his sleeve with a grin meant to imply that he knew how to resist any
+assault on his dignity! That the scoundrel has no respect for law,
+is clear enough; so that my hope is he will commit some terrible
+infraction, and that we may be able to send him to the galleys for the
+rest of his days. How I 'm to keep him and Paddy apart is more than yet
+appears to me. I suppose, in the end, one of them will kill the other.
+
+[Illustration: 536]
+
+From what I see here, the expense of keeping this beast--at an hotel at
+least--will be equal to the cost of three ordinary servants; for he has
+no regular meal-times, but has food cooked for him "promiscuously," and
+eats--if I 'm to credit the landlord--either a kid or a lamb _per diem_,
+A bear would n't be half the expense, and a far more companionable beast
+besides. It is but fair to say that Betty seems to adore him; she crams
+the monster all day with stolen victuals, and appears to have no other
+care in life than in watching after him.
+
+What induces Mrs. D. to feel this sudden attachment to Betty herself,
+I can't imagine. Up to this she railed at her unceasingly, and deplored
+the day and the hour she took her from home. But now, when this alliance
+really makes her insupportable, she won't hear of parting with her, and
+submits to a degree of tyranny from this woman that is utterly
+inexplicable. It's another of those feminine anomalies, Tom, that
+neither you nor I, nor maybe anybody else, will ever be able to
+reconcile.
+
+You will probably wonder how, at a moment like this, smarting as I am
+under the combined effects of insult and disappointment, I can turn my
+attention to a matter of this trifling nature; but I confess to you that
+the admission of this uncivilized element into the circle of my family
+inspires me with feelings of disgust, not unmixed with terror; for what
+he may do in any access of fury the infernal gods alone can say. So long
+as we are here, in this remote and little-visited town, the notice he
+attracts is confined to a troop of street loungers who follow him; but
+I have yet to learn how we are ever to make our appearance in a regular
+city in his company.
+
+Now to another matter, Tom, and the most essential of all. What are we
+to do for money? for, whether we go on or go back, we must have it. I
+have n't the heart to go over the accounts; nor would it put sixpence
+more in my pockets, if I was like Babbage's calculating-machine! Screw
+up the tenants, and make them pay the arrears. Healey owes us at least
+two hundred pounds. Try if he can't pay half. See, besides, if you
+cannot find a tenant for the place, even for a year. This Exhibition in
+Dublin will fill the country with strangers; and a good advertisement
+of Dodsborough, with an account of the "shooting and fishing, capital
+society, and two packs of hounds in the neighborhood," might take the
+notice of some aspiring Cockney. From what I see in the papers, Ireland
+is going to be the fashion this summer. I suppose that she is starved
+down to the pitch to be "thin and genteel," and that's the reason of it.
+
+Tell me what you think of this great display of "industrial products,"
+as they call it. Are we as wonderful as the Irish papers say, or are we
+really as backward as the "Times" pronounces us? My own notion is that
+the whole thing proceeds on a misconception of the country and
+its capabilities. These Exhibitions are essentially dependent
+on manufacturing skill for their excellence. Now, we are not a
+manufacturing people. We are agriculturists, and so are the Yankees; and
+consequently the utmost we can do is to show off the clever inventions
+and cunning products of our neighbors. Writing, as I do, confidentially
+to yourself, I will own, too, that I am not one of those sanguine
+admirers of these raree-shows, nor do I see in them the seeds of all
+that progress that others prophesy. Looking at a wonderful mechanical
+invention will no more teach me to imitate it, than going to Batty's
+Circus will enable me to jump through a hoop, or ride on my head!
+Amusement, pleasure, interest, there is in one as much as the other;
+but as for any educational advantage, Tom, I don't believe in it. To the
+scientific man these things are all familiar,--to the peasant they are
+all miraculous; and though the Electric Telegraph be really a wonderful
+thing, after one sees the miracles of the Church it ceases to surprise
+you! At all events, give me some account of the place and the people in
+your next, and write soon.
+
+I have kept this a day back, hoping to announce James's arrival here,
+but up to this there is no tidings of him. Yours, ever faithfully,
+
+Kenny James Dodd.
+
+P. S. I find now that this town is not in Switzerland, but in Baden,
+for the police have been here to know "who we are?" and "why we have
+come?"--two questions that would take longer to answer than they
+suspect. How absurd these little bits of national prejudice sound, when
+the symbol of nationality is only a blue post or a white one, and no
+geographical limit announces a new country. Droll enough, too, they are
+most importunate in their inquiries after James; as if the appearance
+of his name in the passport requires that he should be forthcoming when
+asked for. Ah, Tom! if the fellows that knocked old Europe about in
+'48 had resolutely set their faces against these stumbling-blocks
+to civilization--passports, police spies, town dues, and gate
+imposts,--they 'd have won the sympathy of millions, who do not care a
+rush about Universal Suffrage and the Liberty of the Press,--and, what
+is more, the concessions could never have been revoked nor recalled!
+
+To myself, individually, the system presents few annoyances; for I sit
+serene behind my ignorance of all continental languages, and say to
+myself, "Touch me if you dare." Maybe they half suspect the substance
+of my meditations, for they show the greatest deference towards my
+condition of passive resistance. The Brigadier has just bowed himself
+out of the room, with what sounded like a hearty curse, but what Mary
+Anne assures me was a sincere protestation of his sentiment of "high
+consideration and esteem." And now to dinner.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XLI. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+
+Constance on the Lake.
+
+Dearest Kitty,--With what rapture do I once more throw myself into the
+arms of your affection! How devotedly do I seek the sanctuary of my
+dearest Kitty's heart! It is all over, my sweet friend,--all over! I
+see you start,--your cheek is bloodless, and your lips tremble,--but
+reassure yourself, Kitty, and hear me. If there be anything against
+which I am weak and powerless,--if there be aught in life to oppose
+which I have neither strength nor energy,--it is the reproach of one I
+love! Already do I stand accused before you, even now have you arraigned
+me, and my condemnation is trembling on your lips. Avow it,--own it,
+dear girl. Your heart, at least, has said the words of my sentence: "All
+over! so then Mary Anne has jilted him,--changed her mind in the last
+hour,--trifled with his affections, and made a sport of his feelings."
+Yes, such is the charge against me; and, trembling as I stand before
+you, I syllable the word "Guilty." "Guilty, but with extenuating
+circumstances." Be calm then, be patient; and, above all, be merciful,
+while I plead before you.
+
+I deny nothing, I evade nothing. I cannot even pretend that my altered
+feelings originated in any long process of reason or reflection. I will
+not affect to say that I struggled against conflicting doubts, and only
+yielded when powerless to resist them. No, dearest, I am above every
+such shallow artifice; and I own that it was on the very morning your
+letter arrived--at the moment when my hot tears were falling over the
+characters traced by your hand--as, enraptured, I kissed the lines that
+breathed your love--then there suddenly broke upon me a light illumining
+the dark horizon around me. Space became peopled with forms and images,
+voices and warnings floated around and above me, and as I read your
+words--"If, then, your whole heart be his"--I trembled, Kitty, my eyes
+grew dim, my bosom heaved in agony, and, in my heart-wrung misery, I
+cried aloud, "Oh, save me from this perfidy,--save me from myself!"
+
+Save that the letter which my fingers grasped convulsively was the
+offspring of friendship and not of love betrayed, the scene was
+precisely like that which closes the second act of the "Lucia di
+Lammermoor." Mamma, the Baron, James, even to the priest, all were
+there; and, like Lucia, dressed in my bridal robe, the orange-flowers
+in my hair, and such a love of a Brussels veil fastened mantilla-wise to
+the back of the head, I stood pale, trembling, and conscience-stricken!
+the awful words of your question ringing in my ears, like the voice of
+an angel come to call me to judgment, "'If your whole heart be his!' But
+it is not," cried I, aloud,--"it is not, it never can be!" I know not in
+what wild rhapsody my emotions found utterance. I have no memory of that
+gushing cataract in which overwrought feelings found their channel.
+I spoke in that rapt enthusiasm in which, as we are told, the ancient
+priestesses delivered their dream-revealings, for I, too, was as one
+inspired, as agony alone can inspire. Of myself I know nothing, but I
+have since heard that the scene was harrowing to a degree that no words
+can convey. The Baron, mounted on his fastest courser, fled into the
+woods; James, spirited on by some imagined sense of injury, thirsting
+for a vengeance on he knew not what or whom, pursued him; mamma was
+seized with frantic screaming; and even papa himself, whose lethargic
+humor stands him like an armor of proof,--even he swore and imprecated
+in a manner that called forth a most impressive rebuke from the
+chaplain.
+
+[Illustration: 541]
+
+The scene changes,--we are away! The castle and its deep woods grow
+dim behind us; the wild mountains of the Schwartz Wald rise before and
+around us. The dark pines wave their stately tops, the wood-pigeon cries
+his plaintive note; rocky glen and rugged precipice, foaming waterfalls
+and wooded slopes, pass swiftly by, and on we hasten,--on and on; but,
+with all our speed, dark, brood-ing care can still outstrip us, and
+sorrow follows faster than the wind.
+
+We arrived at Constance by midnight, when I soon betook me to bed, and
+cried myself to sleep. Sweet--sweet tears were they, flowing like the
+crystal drops from the margin of an overcharged fountain; for such was
+the heart of your afflicted Mary Anne.
+
+It is not by any casuistry about the injustice I should have done, had
+I bestowed a moiety where I had promised a whole heart. It is not by any
+pretence that I felt this to be an unworthy artifice, that I now appeal
+to your merciful consideration. It is simply as one suddenly awakened
+to the terrible conviction that she cannot be loved as she is capable
+of loving; or, in other words, that she despairs of ever inspiring that
+passion which alone could requite her for the agony of love. Oh, Kitty,
+it is an agony, and such a one as no torture of human wickedness ever
+equalled. May you never feel it in that intensity of suffering which is
+alike its ecstasy and its woe!
+
+Do not reproach me, Kitty; my heart has already done so,
+bitterly,--terribly! Again and again have I asked myself, "Who and what
+are you, that dare to reject rank, wealth, station, glorious lineage,
+and a noble name? If these and the most devoted love cannot move
+you, what are the ambitions that rise before you?" Over and over do
+I interrogate myself thus, and yet the only reply is, a heart-heaved
+sigh,--the spirit-wrung voice of inward suffering! You, dearest, who
+know your friend, will not accuse her of exaggerated or overwrought
+vanity. None so well as you are aware that these are not my
+characteristic failings.
+
+An excess of humility may depreciate me, even to the lowliest condition
+of humble fortune; and if happiness be but there, I will not deem the
+choice a mean one! You will judge of the sincerity of my words, when I
+tell you that I have just been unpacking all my things, and putting them
+away in drawers and wardrobes; and oh, Kitty, if you could but see them!
+Papa was really splendid, and allowed me to order everything I could
+fancy. Of course his generosity fettered rather than stimulated my
+extravagance, so that I merely took the absolute _necessaire_. Of these
+I may mention two cashmeres and three Brussels scarfs, one a perfect
+love; twelve morning, eighteen evening dresses, of which one for
+the altar is covered with Valenciennes, looped up with pearls and
+brilliants*, the corsage ornamented down the front with a bouquet of
+the same stones, arranged to represent lilies of the valley, with
+dewdrops,--a pretty device, and quite simple, to suit the occasion.
+The presentation robe is actually magnificent, and only needs a diamond
+_parure_ to be queenly. How I dote, too, on these dear little bonnets!
+I never weary of trying them on; they sit so coquettishly on the back of
+the bead, and make one look sly and modest, and gentle and saucy, all
+at once! In this walk of art the French are incomparably above us. Dress
+with them observes all the harmony of color and the keeping of a great
+picture. No lilac bonnets and blue shawls,--no scarlets and pinks
+alternately killing and marring each other,--none of that false heraldry
+of costume by which your Englishwoman displays her vulgar wealth and
+ill-assorted finery. All is graceful, well toned, and harmonious. Your
+_mise_ is, so to say, the declaration of your sentiments, just as the
+signal of a man-of-war proclaims her intention; and how ingenious to
+think that your stately cashmere suggests homage, your ermined mantle
+watchful devotion, your muslin peignoir confidence and intimate
+intercourse.
+
+Now, your "English" must _look_ all these to be intelligible, and
+constantly converts herself into a great staring, ogling, leering
+machine, very shocking to contemplate.
+
+I need scarcely remark to you, dearest, that the step I have just taken
+has made my position in the family like that of the young lady who
+refused Louis Napoleon before Europe. Our situations, if you come to
+consider them, are wonderfully alike; and there are extraordinary points
+of resemblance between the gentlemen, to which I cannot at present more
+fully allude. The ungenerous observations and slighting allusions to
+which I am exposed would actually wring your heart. Even James remarked
+that the whole affair reminded him of Joe Hudson, who, after accepting
+an Indian appointment, refused to sail when he had obtained the outfit.
+"Mary Anne only wanted the kit," was the vulgar impertinence by which
+he closed this piece of flattery; and this was in allusion to the
+_trousseau!_ Men are so shallow, so meanly minded, Kitty, and, above
+all, so ungenerous in the measure of our motives. They really think that
+we value dress for itself, and not as a means to an end,--that end being
+their own subjection! Mamma, I must say, is truly kind; she regrets,
+naturally enough you will think, the loss of a great alliance. She had
+pictured to herself the quartering of the M'Carthys with the house of
+W------, and ranged in imagination over various remote but ambitious
+contingencies; but, with true maternal affection, she has effaced all
+these memories from her heart, only to think of me and of my emotions. I
+have also been able to supply her with a consolation, no less great than
+unexpected, in this wise: papa, from one cause or other, had been of
+late seriously meditating a return to Ireland; I shame to say, Kitty,
+that he never valued, never understood the Continent; its habits, its
+ways, and its wines, all disagreed with him; financial reasons, too,
+influenced him; for somehow, up to this, we have been forced to overlook
+the claims of economy, and only regard those which refer to the station
+we are to maintain in society. Now, from all these causes, he had
+brought himself to think the only safety lay in a speedy retreat! Mamma
+had ascertained this beyond a doubt by some passages in Mr. Purcell's
+letters to papa; how obtained I know not. From these she gathered that
+at any moment he was capable of abandoning the campaign, and embarking
+the whole army! The misery such a course would entail upon us I have no
+need to enlarge upon; nor could I, if I tried, find words to depict the
+condition of suffering that would be ours if again domesticated in that
+dreadful island. Forgive me, dearest, if I wound one susceptibility of
+your tender heart,--I would not ruffle even a rose-leaf of your gentle
+nature; but I cannot refrain from saying that Ireland is very dreadful!
+Philosophers affect to tell us, Kitty, that from the chemical properties
+of meteoric stones we can predicate the nature of the planets from which
+they have fallen, and the most ingenious theories as to the structure,
+size, and conformation of their bodies are built upon such slender
+materials. Now, would it be too wide a stretch of ingenuity to apply
+this theory to home affairs, and argue, from the specimen one sees of
+the dear country, what must be the land that has reared them? And oh,
+Kitty, if so, what a sentence we should be condemned to pass!
+
+But to the consolation of which I spoke, and which in this diversion I
+was nigh forgetting. Papa, as I mentioned, was bent on going home;
+and now these costly preparations of wedding finery offer the means of
+opposing him, for of what use could they possibly be at Dodsborough,
+Kitty? To what end that enormous outlay, if brought back to the regions
+of Bruff? Here is an expensive armament,--all the _materiel_ of a
+campaign provided; who would counsel the consigning it to rust and
+decay? who would advise giving over to moths what might be made the
+adornment of some brilliant capital? Whether we consider the question
+morally, financially, or strategically, we arrive at the same
+conclusion. Such a display as this, if exhibited at home, would
+revolutionize the whole neighborhood, disgust them with home-grown gowns
+and bonnets, and lead to irrepressible extravagance, debt, and ruin. So
+far for moral considerations. Financially, the cost is incurred, and it
+only remains to make the outlay profitable; this, it is needless to say,
+cannot be done at Dodsborough. And now for the strategy, the tactical
+part, Kitty. We all know that whenever a marriage is broken off, scandal
+seizes the occasion for any reports she likes to circulate, and the
+good-natured world always agrees in condemning "the lady." If her
+character or conduct be unimpeachable, then they make searches as to
+her temper. She was a termagant that ruled her whole family, scolded her
+sisters, bullied her brothers, and was the terror of everyone. If this
+indictment cannot be sustained, they find a flaw in her fortune; her
+twenty thousand was "only ten;" ten, Irish currency; perhaps on an Irish
+mortgage of an Irish property, mayhap charged with Heaven knows what of
+annuities to Irish relations! Now, Kitty, it is essential to avoid every
+one of these evil imputations, and I have supplied mamma with so good
+a brief in the cause, so carefully drawn up, and so well argued, that
+I don't think papa will let the case go to a jury, or, in other words,
+that he will give in his submission at once. I have much more to tell
+you, and will write again to-morrow.
+
+Ever yours in affection,
+
+Mary Anne Dodd.
+
+
+
+
+LETTER XLII. MARY ANNE DODD TO MISS DOOLAN, OF BALLYDOOLAN
+
+Lake of Constance
+
+My dearest Kittt,--True to my pledge, I sit down to continue the
+revelations, the first volume of which is already before you; and as I
+left off in a chapter of _desagreables_, let me finish the theme ere I
+proceed to pleasanter paths and greener pastures.
+
+Betty Cobb has gone and taken to herself a husband; and such a husband
+as really I did not fancy could be found nearer us than the Waterkloof,
+if that be the correct spelling of the pleasant locality in Kaffirland
+where some of the something--Fifth or Eighth--are always getting
+surprised and cut to pieces. The creature is a swineherd,--one of those
+dreadful semi-savages that Germany rears out of respect to its ancient
+traditions about wood demons and kobolds. So terrific an object I never
+beheld, and his "get up," as James would call it, equals his natural
+advantages.
+
+You may remember the wretches who are thrusting the page into the
+furnace in Retsch's illustrations of Schiller's poem, "Der Gang auf
+den Eisenhammer,"--one of these is a flattering likeness of him. Betty,
+however, whose taste in manly beauty is not formed on the Antinous
+model, believes him to be perfection. At all events, no promise of
+double wages, presents, or other seductions could warp her allegiance
+from this seductive object; and as mamma suddenly discovered that she
+was quite indispensable to her, the consequence is that we have to
+accept the company and companionship of the graceful "Taddy," who is now
+part of our legation as a swineherd unattached. You must know, Kitty,
+that these worthy people, who are brought up from infancy to regard
+pigs as the most important part of the creation, are impressed with
+a profound contempt for the human species; that all their habits are
+imbued with swinish tastes, modes, and prejudices,--that they love to
+live in woods, sleep on the ground, and grunt their sentiments, when
+they have any. Whether these be the characteristics of conjugalism, or
+the features which, as the book says, "make home happy," time and Betty
+alone can tell. I must say that fear and disgust are, for the present,
+the impressions his appearance suggests to me; but Betty is clearly of a
+different mind.
+
+Meanwhile, as regards ourselves, he is really a most embarrassing
+element of the state. He is totally unacquainted with all laws, divine
+and human, and only sufficiently gifted with speech to convey his
+commonest wishes; and, from what I can learn, Caspar Hauser was a man
+of the world in comparison to him. Papa is, of course, frantic at the
+thought of his pertaining to us,--but what is to be done? Betty has
+declared that she will follow him to Jericho; by which she means to some
+fabulous land of unreal geography; and mamma will not part with Betty.
+To-morrow, or next day, I expect to hear that Taddy protests he can't
+live without his pigs, and that a legion of swine become part of our
+travelling equipment. Already has his presence on our staff called for
+the attention of the authorities, who are, very naturally, curious to
+know what we mean by such a functionary. Papa, on his side, thinks it
+part of an Englishman's birthright to resist, oppose, and torment the
+police; and, of course, will give no information whatever as to why he
+is here, but avows his determination to retain him in his service just
+on that account.
+
+These complications--to give them a mild name--have so absorbed me that
+I have forgotten to tell you about our present place of sojourn. The
+Lake of Constance sounds pretty, dearest. It seems to address itself
+at once to our sense of the beautiful, and our moral attachment to the
+true. As we approached it, I looked eagerly from the carriage, at each
+turning of the mountain road, for some glimpses of the scenery; but
+night fell suddenly, and closed all in darkness. Early on the following
+morning I arose, and taking Augustine with my sketch-book, hurried down
+to the border of the lake; for our most quaint and ancient "hostelry"
+stands in the very centre of the town, and fully fifteen minutes' walk
+from the water. We reached it suddenly, on turning the angle of a narrow
+lane, and came out upon a small stone pier projecting into the water,
+and this was the lake,--the Lake of Constance! Only think, Kitty, of
+a great wide expanse of bleak water, with low shores; no glaciers,
+no Alps, no sublimity! I could have cried with disappointment The
+custom-house people--very nice-looking men, with a becoming uniform of
+green and gold--assured me that at the upper end of the lake I should
+see the mountains of the Vorarlberg, and also the range of the Swiss
+Alps, and have abundant material for my pencil. Meanwhile they made an
+old boatman sit while I sketched him; he was mending his net, and with
+his long blue nightcap, and scarf of the same color, his snow-white
+beard, and fine Rembrandt color, he really made a charming study. The
+chief officer of the customs--a remarkably handsome man, with the very
+blackest moustaches--was in downright enthusiasm at the success of my
+little sketch; and really, as it was utterly valueless, I could not
+resist Augustine's entreaty to tear it out of my book and give it to
+him.
+
+[Illustration: 1a024]
+
+You can't think, Kitty' with what a graceful mixture of gratitude and
+dignity he accepted my worthless present. He might, so far as breeding
+went, have been a captain of hussars. He accompanied us all the way back
+to the hotel, having previously placed his boat and his boat's crew at
+my disposal during our stay here. Ah, Kitty, what a charm there is in
+the amiable tone of foreigners! How striking the contrast between their
+cultivated politeness and the rude barbarism of our own people! Fancy
+for a moment what is our home notion of a custom-house official!--a
+shabby genteel individual, with a week's beard and a brandy-and-water
+eye, that pokes into your trunk after French gloves, and searches
+your brother's pocket for cheroots. Imagine _him_ beside one of these
+magnificently dressed and really splendid-looking men, with all the air
+of an aide-de-camp to the Queen! How naturally we are led to estimate
+the style in which people live by the dress and appointment of their
+household; and should we not pass a similar judgment on states, and
+argue, from the appropriate costume of the functionaries, to their own
+completeness and perfection of system?
+
+I said nothing to mamma of our newly made acquaintance; for as I entered
+the inn I learned that James and another gentleman had just arrived, but
+so tired and fatigued that they both had given orders that they should
+not be disturbed on any account. You may be sure, Kitty, I was intensely
+curious to know who the stranger was; but all my inquiries were only so
+many additional provocatives to my eagerness, without any satisfaction!
+I learned, indeed, that he was young, handsome, tall, and spoke French
+and German fluently; so much so, indeed, that the waiter hesitated
+whether to call him English or not! James and his fellow-traveller had
+arrived by the diligence from Schaffhausen, so that there was really
+nothing by which we could catch a clew to his friend; and I was left to
+my patience and my conjectures till breakfast time.
+
+I own to you, Kitty, the trial was too much for my nerves, overstrung as
+they have been by late events. I fancied a thousand things. I imagined
+incidents, events, casualties, of which, even to you, dearest, I cannot
+give the interpretation. Unable, at last, to resist the working of a
+curiosity that had risen to a torture, I took the resolution to awake
+James, and ask who was his friend. I traversed the corridor with
+stealthy footsteps, and sought out the number of his room. It was 43,
+the waiter said, and the last on the gallery; and so I found it. I
+turned the handle noiselessly, and entered. The window-curtains were
+closely drawn, and all was in deep shadow. In one corner of the chamber
+stood the bed, from which the deep respirations of the sleeper issued;
+and, poor fellow, it must have been more than common fatigue and
+weariness that could have caused such sounds. As with cat-like stillness
+I stole across the chamber, my eyes, growing accustomed to the dim
+half-light, began to discover objects on each side of me. For instance,
+I perceived a splendid dressing-gown of amber-colored silk, lined with
+pale blue, and gorgeously embroidered; a cap of the same colors, with
+a silver tassel of a foot in length, lay beside it Slippers of costly
+embroidery in silver thread, and a most magnificent meerschaum, with a
+mounting of gold and rubies, was on the table, beside a pair of
+pistols, whose carved stocks were inlaid with a tracery of the finest
+workmanship. These I knew to be James's, for I had seen them with him;
+and there were various other articles equally splendid and costly,
+all new to me,--such as card-cases, tablets, cigar-holders, and a most
+gorgeous dressing-case of gold and Bohemian glass, from which, really, I
+could scarcely tear myself away. I was well aware that James had set no
+limit to his personal extravagance; but these, and the display of rings,
+pins, buttons, shirt-studs, chains, and trinkets of all kinds, perfectly
+astounded me. And here let me remark, Kitty, that the young men of
+the present day far exceed us in all that pertains to this taste
+for ornamental jewelry. As my eyes ranged over these attractive and
+beautiful objects, I was particularly struck with an opal brooch,
+representing a parrot in the midst of palm-leaves. It was a most
+beautiful piece of enamel work, studded with gems of every brilliant
+hue.
+
+It was, as you may imagine, far too pretty for a man's wear, and I
+resolved to profit by the occasion, to appropriate, or, as the Americans
+say, to "annex" it to my own possessions. I had just fastened it in the
+front of my dress, when the handle of the door turned, and--oh, Kitty!
+conceive my agony as I heard James's voice speaking from without! It
+was, therefore, not _his_ chamber where I was standing, nor could the
+sleeper be _he!_ Escape and concealment were my first thought, and I
+sprang behind a screen at the very moment the door opened. Should I live
+a hundred years, I shall never cease to remember the intense misery of
+that moment. You need only picture my situation to your own mind, to see
+how distressing it must have been. The certainty of being discovered if
+I made the slightest noise saved me from fainting, but I almost fancied
+that the loud beating of my heart might have betrayed me.
+
+James came in without any peculiar deference for the sleeper's nerves,
+and, upsetting a chair or two, stumbled across the room towards the bed,
+on which he seated himself, calling out "George--Tiverton--old fellow!
+don't you mean to get up at all to-day?"
+
+[Illustration: a028]
+
+Oh, Kitty! fancy my trembling tenor as I heard that I was in the chamber
+of Lord George Tiverton. The very utmost I could do was to refrain from
+a scream; nor do I now know how I succeeded in repressing it.
+
+It was not till after repeated efforts that James succeeded in awaking
+his friend, who at length, with a long-drawn sigh, exclaimed, "By Jove,
+Jemmy! I'm glad you routed me up. I 've had a horrid dream. Only think,
+I imagined that I was still in the House of Lords listening to that
+confounded case! I fancied that Scratchley was addressing their
+Lordships in reply, and pledging himself to show that gross neglect, and
+even cruelty, could be proved against me. The old scoundrel's harsh
+voice is still ringing in my ears, and I hear him tearing me to very
+tatters!"
+
+"Was there anything of that sort?" said James, as he struck a light to
+his cigar and began smoking.
+
+"Why, I must say, he was _not_ complimentary. These fellows, you are
+aware, have a vocabulary of their own, and when setting up a defence
+for a pretty woman, married at seventeen, they pitch into one's little
+frailties at a very cruel rate. Not exactly that the narrative is very
+detrimental to a man's future prospects; what really damages you is
+what they call cruelty, and your wife's maid--particularly if she be a
+Frenchwoman--can always prove this."
+
+"Indeed!" exclaimed James, in some astonishment.
+
+"To be sure she can. Why, everything that thwarts her mistress in
+anything--good, bad, or indifferent--is cruelty in the French sense.
+You are rather given to fast acquaintances; you bring home with you to
+supper, some three or four times a week, detachments of that respectable
+company one meets at Tattersall's Yard, or in the Turf Club; chicken
+hazard and the _coulisses_ of the opera are amongst your weaknesses;
+you have a taste for sport, and would rather take the odds against the
+favorite than lay out your spare cash at Howell and James's. That 's
+cruelty! When regularly done up in town, you make a bolt for Boulogne,
+or rush down to your shooting-box in the Highlands. That 's more
+cruelty, and neglect besides! Terribly pressed for money, you try to
+bully your wife's uncle, one of the trustees to her settlement, and
+threaten to kick him downstairs. Gross cruelty! Harder up again, you
+pledge her diamonds. Shocking cruelty! Cleared out and sold up,
+you suggest the propriety of her sending away the French maid, and
+travelling up to Paris alone. That's monstrous cruelty! And, in fact,
+all together establish a clear justification for anything that may
+befall you. Besides this, Jemmy, if you marry a girl of good family, she
+is sure to have either a father, an uncle, or a brother, or perhaps some
+three or four cousins in the Lords; now, whatever comes off, they oppose
+your bill, and as their Lordships only want to hear your story, to
+listen to the piquant narrative of domestic differences and conjugal
+jarrings, nobody cares a straw whether you succeed or not. Give me a
+light, Jim."
+
+They both continued to puff their cigars for some time in silence,
+during which my sufferings rose to absolute torture; for, in addition to
+the shocking circumstances of my own situation, was now the fact of my
+having overheard a most private conversation.
+
+"So they threw out your bill?" asked James, after a pause.
+
+"Deferred judgment!" replied the other, puffing, "which comes to pretty
+nigh the same thing. Asked for further evidence, explanations, what not!
+Cursed cigars! don't draw at all."
+
+"They 're Bollard's best Havannahs."
+
+"Well, perhaps I've been unlucky in my choice; if so, it's not the first
+time, Jem;" and he laughed heartily at the notion. "I say, take care and
+don't say anything about this affair of mine."
+
+"But it will be in all the papers. The 'Times' will give it to-morrow or
+next day."
+
+"Not a bit of it,--had a private hearing, old fellow. Too many good
+names compromised to have the thing made town talk,--you understand."
+
+"Ah, that's it!" said James.
+
+"Yes, It 's one of the few privileges remaining to what Lord Grey calls
+'our order,' except, perhaps, the judgments of the London magistrates.
+To do _them_ justice, the fellows do know what a lord is, and 'they
+act accordingly.' There, it's out at last,"--and he threw away his
+cigar,--"and I suppose I may as well think of getting up. Just draw that
+curtain, Jem, and open the shutter."
+
+Oh, Kitty dearest, can you form to yourself any idea of my situation!
+James had already risen from the bedside, and was groping his way to the
+window. Another moment, and the flood of light would pour into the room
+and inevitably discover me. My agitation almost choked me; it was like
+a sense of drowning, and at the same time accompanied by the terrible
+thought that I must not dare to cry for succor. James was busy with the
+button of the window-fastening,--another instant and it would be too
+late,--and with the energy of utter despair I sprang from behind the
+screen, and then, pushing it with all my force, upset it over the
+toilet-table, the whole tumbling against James with a horrid crash, and
+laying him prostrate beneath the ruins. I dashed from the room with
+the speed of lightning; I know not how I flew along the gallery, up the
+stairs, and gained my own chamber, but, as I turned the key inside, all
+consciousness left me, and I fell fainting on the floor. The noise of
+many footsteps on the corridor outside, and the sound of voices, aroused
+me. The fragments I could collect showed me that all were discussing the
+late catastrophe, and none able to explain it. Oh, Kitty, what a gush
+of delight rushed through me to hear that I had escaped unseen, unknown,
+unsuspected!
+
+The general voice attributed the accident to James's awkwardness, and I
+could perceive that he had not escaped without some bruises.
+
+It was a long time, too, ere I could turn my thoughts from my late peril
+to think of the strange revelation I had been witness to; nor was it
+without a certain shock to my feelings that I learned Lord George was
+married. His attentions to me were certainly particular, Kitty. No girl,
+with any knowledge of life, makes any mistake on the subject, because,
+if she entertains a doubt, she knows how at once to resolve it, by tests
+as unerring as those a chemist employs to discover arsenic.
+
+Now, I had submitted him to one or two of these at times, and they
+all showed him to be "infallibly affected." With what a sense of
+disappointment, then, was I to hear that he was already married, the
+only alleviation being that he was seeking to dissolve the tie! Poor
+fellow! how completely did this unhappy circumstance explain many
+expressions whose meaning had hitherto puzzled me! How I saw through
+clouds and mists that once obscured the atmosphere of my hopes! And
+how readily did I forgive him for vacillation and uncertainty, which,
+before, had often distressed and displeased me. Until free, it was, of
+course, impossible that he could avow his sentiments undisguisedly,
+and now I recognized the noble character of the struggle that he had
+maintained with himself. Oh, Kitty, it is not only that "the course of
+true love never did run smooth," but it really could not be true love
+if it did so. The sluggish stream of common affection flows lazily
+along between the muddy banks and sedgy sides of ordinary life, but the
+boiling torrent of passionate love requires the rocks of difficulty
+to dam its course and impart that character of foamy impetuosity that
+sweeps away every obstacle and dashes onward to its goal regardless of
+danger! I 'm sure I feel quite convinced that such is the nature of Lord
+G.'s passion; and that now these stupid "Lords" have rejected his plea
+for a divorce, if he be not rescued by the hand of devoted affection, he
+may rash madly into every excess, and dissipate the great talents with
+which he is so remarkably gifted.
+
+Be candid now, my darling Kitty, and confess frankly that you are
+greatly shocked at these doctrines, and your dear little Irish prudery
+blushes crimson at the bare thought of feeling even an interest in a
+man already married, and horrified at the notion of his hypothetical
+attentions. Yes, I see it all; your sweetly dimpled mouth is pursed up
+with conscious propriety, and you are arranging your features into
+all the sternness of judicial severity; but hear me for one moment in
+defence, if not in justification. All these things seem very dreadful to
+you in the solitudes of Tipperary, simply because of their infrequency.
+The man who has separated from his wife, or the woman divorced from
+her husband, are great criminals to your home-bred notions, and by
+your social code they are sentenced at once to a life of solitude and
+isolation; but in the real world, my dear Kitty, on the great stage
+of life, this severity would be downright absurdity; the category so
+mercilessly condemned by you is exactly that which contains the
+true salt of society; these are the very people that everybody calls
+charming, fascinating, delightful! All the elastic, buoyant natures,
+the joyous spirits, the invariable good tempers, the generous hearts one
+meets with, are amongst them. Why such happily gifted creatures should
+not have made their homes a paradise, is a problem none can solve. It
+is like the squaring of the circle,--the cause of Irish misery,--or
+anything else you can think of equally inscrutable; but the fact is as I
+tell you; and if you will just run your eye over any list of fashionable
+company, and select such as I speak of, believe me you will have
+extracted all the plums from the pudding. As for Lord George himself, a
+more delightful creature does not exist; and one has only to know him
+to be convinced that the woman who could not be happy with him must be a
+demon. Of the generous character he possesses, and at the same time the
+consummate tact of his manner, an instance grew out of the little event
+I have just related. In my confusion and embarrassment after escaping
+from the room, I totally forgot the brooch which I had placed in my
+dress, and actually came down to breakfast with it still there. Guess
+my shame and horror, Kitty, when James called out, across the table, "I
+say, Mary Anne, what a smart pin you 've got there,--one of the neatest
+things I have seen." I grew scarlet, then pale, and felt as if I was
+going to faint; when Lord George cried out, "It is, really, very tasty.
+I had one myself something like it, but the stones were emeralds, not
+rubies; and I think Miss Dodd's is prettier."
+
+The man who could rescue one at such a conjuncture, Kitty, is worthy
+of all confidence, and so I told him by a glance. Meanwhile he gave the
+conversation another turn by proposing a fishing excursion on the lake,
+and immediately after breakfast we all sallied forth to the water.
+
+Notwithstanding his agreeability,--and he never displayed it to greater
+advantage,--I was silent and abstracted during the entire day. The
+embarrassment of my position was almost unendurable; and it was only
+as he took my arm, to conduct me back to the hotel, that I regained
+anything like courage.
+
+"Why are you so serious?" said he. "Mind, I don't want a confession;
+only, that I have a secret for _your_ ear, whenever you will trust _me_
+with one of yours."
+
+I made him no answer, Kitty, but walked along in silence, and with my
+veil down.
+
+I write all these things to my dearest friend with less reserve than I
+could recall them to my own memory in solitude. I tell her everything;
+and she is the true partner of my joys, my sorrows, my hopes, and my
+terrors. Yet must I leave much to her imagination to picture forth the
+state of my affections, and the troubled sea of my heart's emotions.
+And, oh! dearest, kindest, tenderest of all friends, do not mistake, do
+not misconstrue the feelings of your ever attached and devoted
+
+Mary Anne.
+
+I wanted to tell you something of our future destination, and I have
+detained this for that purpose, but still everything is uncertain and
+undecided. Papa received a large packet, like law papers and leases,
+from Mr. Purcell yesterday, and has been occupied in perusing them ever
+since. We are in terror lest he should decide on going back; and every
+time he enters the room we are trembling in dread of the announcement.
+Mamma has had an hysterical attack in preparation for the moment, for
+the last twenty-four hours, and even if "no cause be shown," I fancy she
+will not throw away so much good agony for nothing, but take it out for
+what Sir Boyle Roach fought his duel, "miscellaneous reasons."
+
+Cary is still staying with the Morrises. How she endures it I can't
+conceive; a half-pay lover and a half-pay _menage_ are two things that,
+to _me_ at least, would be insupportable. The girl is really totally
+destitute of all proper pride, and makes the silly mistake of supposing
+that a spirit of independence is the best form of self-esteem. I suppose
+it will end by the "Captain's" proposing for her; but up to this, I
+believe, it is all friendship, regard, and so on.
+
+END OF VOL. I.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Dodd Family Abroad, Vol. I.(of II), by
+Charles James Lever
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DODD FAMILY ABROAD ***
+
+***** This file should be named 35441.txt or 35441.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+        http://www.gutenberg.org/3/5/4/4/35441/
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
+Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no
+one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation
+(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without
+permission and without paying copyright royalties.  Special rules,
+set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to
+copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to
+protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark.  Project
+Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you
+charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission.  If you
+do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the
+rules is very easy.  You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose
+such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and
+research.  They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do
+practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks.  Redistribution is
+subject to the trademark license, especially commercial
+redistribution.
+
+
+
+*** START: FULL LICENSE ***
+
+THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE
+PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
+
+To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free
+distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
+(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at
+http://gutenberg.org/license).
+
+
+Section 1.  General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic works
+
+1.A.  By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
+and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
+(trademark/copyright) agreement.  If you do not agree to abide by all
+the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy
+all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession.
+If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the
+terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or
+entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
+
+1.B.  "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark.  It may only be
+used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
+agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement.  There are a few
+things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works
+even without complying with the full terms of this agreement.  See
+paragraph 1.C below.  There are a lot of things you can do with Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement
+and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.  See paragraph 1.E below.
+
+1.C.  The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation"
+or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic works.  Nearly all the individual works in the
+collection are in the public domain in the United States.  If an
+individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are
+located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from
+copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative
+works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg
+are removed.  Of course, we hope that you will support the Project
+Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by
+freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of
+this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with
+the work.  You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by
+keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project
+Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others.
+
+1.D.  The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
+what you can do with this work.  Copyright laws in most countries are in
+a constant state of change.  If you are outside the United States, check
+the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement
+before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or
+creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project
+Gutenberg-tm work.  The Foundation makes no representations concerning
+the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United
+States.
+
+1.E.  Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
+
+1.E.1.  The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate
+access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently
+whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the
+phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project
+Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed,
+copied or distributed:
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+1.E.2.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived
+from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is
+posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied
+and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees
+or charges.  If you are redistributing or providing access to a work
+with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the
+work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1
+through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the
+Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or
+1.E.9.
+
+1.E.3.  If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted
+with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
+must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional
+terms imposed by the copyright holder.  Additional terms will be linked
+to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the
+permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work.
+
+1.E.4.  Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
+work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm.
+
+1.E.5.  Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
+electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
+prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
+active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm License.
+
+1.E.6.  You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
+compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any
+word processing or hypertext form.  However, if you provide access to or
+distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than
+"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version
+posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org),
+you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a
+copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon
+request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other
+form.  Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
+
+1.E.7.  Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
+performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works
+unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
+
+1.E.8.  You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
+access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided
+that
+
+- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
+     the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method
+     you already use to calculate your applicable taxes.  The fee is
+     owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he
+     has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the
+     Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation.  Royalty payments
+     must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you
+     prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax
+     returns.  Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and
+     sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the
+     address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to
+     the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation."
+
+- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
+     you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
+     does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm
+     License.  You must require such a user to return or
+     destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium
+     and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of
+     Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any
+     money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
+     electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days
+     of receipt of the work.
+
+- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
+     distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works.
+
+1.E.9.  If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm
+electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set
+forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from
+both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael
+Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark.  Contact the
+Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below.
+
+1.F.
+
+1.F.1.  Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
+effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
+public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm
+collection.  Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain
+"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or
+corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual
+property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a
+computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by
+your equipment.
+
+1.F.2.  LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right
+of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
+Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
+Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
+liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
+fees.  YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
+LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
+PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3.  YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
+TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
+LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
+INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
+DAMAGE.
+
+1.F.3.  LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
+defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
+receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
+written explanation to the person you received the work from.  If you
+received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with
+your written explanation.  The person or entity that provided you with
+the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a
+refund.  If you received the work electronically, the person or entity
+providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to
+receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund.  If the second copy
+is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further
+opportunities to fix the problem.
+
+1.F.4.  Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
+in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER
+WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO
+WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
+
+1.F.5.  Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
+warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages.
+If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the
+law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be
+interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by
+the applicable state law.  The invalidity or unenforceability of any
+provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions.
+
+1.F.6.  INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
+trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
+providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance
+with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production,
+promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works,
+harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees,
+that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do
+or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm
+work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any
+Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause.
+
+
+Section  2.  Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of
+electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers
+including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers.  It exists
+because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from
+people in all walks of life.
+
+Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
+assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's
+goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will
+remain freely available for generations to come.  In 2001, the Project
+Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
+and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations.
+To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
+and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4
+and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org.
+
+
+Section 3.  Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive
+Foundation
+
+The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit
+501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
+state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
+Revenue Service.  The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification
+number is 64-6221541.  Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at
+http://pglaf.org/fundraising.  Contributions to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent
+permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws.
+
+The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S.
+Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered
+throughout numerous locations.  Its business office is located at
+809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email
+business@pglaf.org.  Email contact links and up to date contact
+information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official
+page at http://pglaf.org
+
+For additional contact information:
+     Dr. Gregory B. Newby
+     Chief Executive and Director
+     gbnewby@pglaf.org
+
+
+Section 4.  Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
+Literary Archive Foundation
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide
+spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of
+increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
+freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest
+array of equipment including outdated equipment.  Many small donations
+($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
+status with the IRS.
+
+The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
+charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
+States.  Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
+considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
+with these requirements.  We do not solicit donations in locations
+where we have not received written confirmation of compliance.  To
+SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any
+particular state visit http://pglaf.org
+
+While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
+have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
+against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
+approach us with offers to donate.
+
+International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
+any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
+outside the United States.  U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
+
+Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation
+methods and addresses.  Donations are accepted in a number of other
+ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations.
+To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate
+
+
+Section 5.  General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic
+works.
+
+Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm
+concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared
+with anyone.  For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project
+Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support.
+
+
+Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed
+editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S.
+unless a copyright notice is included.  Thus, we do not necessarily
+keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition.
+
+
+Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility:
+
+     http://www.gutenberg.org
+
+This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm,
+including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
+Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
+subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
diff --git a/35441.zip b/35441.zip
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..ed3d0e4
--- /dev/null
+++ b/35441.zip
diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..6312041
--- /dev/null
+++ b/LICENSE.txt
@@ -0,0 +1,11 @@
+This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements,
+metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be
+in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES.
+
+Procedures for determining public domain status are described in
+the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org.
+
+No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in
+jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize
+this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright
+status under the laws that apply to them.
diff --git a/README.md b/README.md
new file mode 100644
index 0000000..9562d1c
--- /dev/null
+++ b/README.md
@@ -0,0 +1,2 @@
+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #35441 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/35441)