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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Tales from "Blackwood," Volume 3, by Various
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Tales from "Blackwood," Volume 3
+
+Author: Various
+
+Release Date: September 10, 2010 [EBook #33694]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TALES FROM "BLACKWOOD," VOLUME 3 ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by D Alexander, Juliet Sutherland and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+ TALES
+ FROM
+ "BLACKWOOD"
+
+ Contents of this Volume
+
+ _A Reading Party in the Long Vacation_
+
+ _Father Tom and the Pope_
+
+ _La Petite Madelaine. By Mrs Southey_
+
+ _Bob Burke's Duel with Ensign Brady. By the late
+ William Maginn, LL.D._
+
+ _The Headsman: A Tale of Doom_
+
+ _The Wearyful Woman. By John Galt_
+
+ WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS
+ EDINBURGH AND LONDON
+
+
+
+
+TALES FROM "BLACKWOOD."
+
+
+
+
+A READING PARTY IN THE LONG VACATION.
+
+[_MAGA._ AUGUST 1843.]
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+Every one who knows Oxford, and a good many besides, must have heard of
+certain periodical migrations of the younger members of that learned
+university into distant and retired parts of her Majesty's dominions,
+which (on the "_lucus a non lucendo_" principle) are called and known by
+the name of Reading Parties. Some half-dozen undergraduates, in peril of
+the coming examination, form themselves into a joint-stock cramming
+company; take £30 or £40 shares in a private tutor; pitch their camp
+in some Dan or Beersheba which has a reputation for dulness; and,
+like other joint-stock companies, humbug the public, and sometimes
+themselves, into the belief that they are "doing business." For these
+classical bubbles, the long vacation is the usual season, and Wales one
+of the favourite localities; and certainly, putting "Reading" out of
+the question, three fine summer months might be worse spent, than in
+climbing the mountains, and whipping the trout-streams, of that romantic
+land. Many a quiet sea-side town, or picturesque fishing-village, might
+be mentioned, which owes no little of its summer gaiety, and perhaps
+something of its prosperity, to the annual visit of "the Oxonians:"
+many a fair girl has been indebted for the most piquant flirtation
+of the season to the "gens togata," who were reading at the little
+watering-place to which fate and papa had carried her for the race-week
+or the hunt-ball: and whatever the effect of these voluntary
+rustications upon the class lists in Oxford, they certainly have
+procured for the parties occasionally a very high "provincial
+celebrity." I know that when we beat our retreat from summer quarters
+at Glyndewi in 18--, the sighs of our late partners were positively
+heart-rending, and the blank faces of the deserted billiard-marker and
+solitary livery-stable groom haunt me to this day.
+
+I had been endeavouring, by hard reading for the last three months, to
+work up the arrears of three years of college idleness, when my evil
+genius himself, in the likeness of George Gordon of Trinity, persuaded
+me to put the finishing-touch to my education, by joining a party who
+were going down to Glyndewi, in ----shire, "really to read." In an
+unguarded moment I consented; packed up books enough to last me for
+five years, reading at the rate of twenty-four hours per day, wrote
+to the governor announcing my virtuous intention, and was formally
+introduced to the Rev. Mr Hanmer, Gordon's tutor, as one of his "cubs"
+for the long vacation.
+
+Six of us there were to be; a very mixed party, and not well mixed--a
+social chaos. We had an exquisite from St Mary Hall, a pea-coated
+Brazen-nose boatman, a philosophical water-drinker and union-debater
+from Baliol, and a two-bottle man from Christ Church. When we first met,
+it was like oil and water; it seemed as if we might be churned together
+for a century, and never coalesce: but in time, like punch-making, it
+turned out that the very heterogeneousness of the ingredients was the
+zest of the compound.
+
+I had never heard of such a place as Glyndewi, nor had I an idea how to
+get there. Gordon and Hanmer were gone already; so I packed myself on
+the top of the Shrewsbury mail, as the direct communication between
+Oxford and North Wales, and there became acquainted with No. 2 of my
+fellows in transportation (for, except Gordon and myself, we were all
+utter strangers to each other). "I say, Hawkins, let's feel those
+ribbons a bit, will you?" quoth the occupant of the box-seat to our
+respectable Jehu. "Can't indeed, sir, with these hosses: it's as much as
+ever I can do to hold this here near leader." This was satisfactory.
+Risking one's neck in a tandem was all very well--a part of the regular
+course of an Oxford education; but amateur drivers of stage coaches
+I had always a prejudice against: let gentlemen keep their own
+four-in-hands, and upset themselves and families, as they have an
+undeniable right to do--but not the public. I looked at the first
+speaker; at his pea-jacket, that is, which was all I could see of him:
+Oxford decidedly. His cigar was Oxford too, by the villanous smell
+of it. He took the coachman's implied distrust of his professional
+experience good-humouredly enough, proffered him his cigar-case, and
+entered into a discussion on the near leader's moral and physical
+qualities. "I'll trouble you for a light, if you please," said I. He
+turned round, we stuck the ends of our cigars together, and puffed into
+each other's faces for about a minute (my cigars were dampish), as grave
+as North American Indians. "Thank you," said I, as the interesting
+ceremony was concluded, and our acquaintance begun. We got into
+conversation, when it appeared that he too was bound for the
+undiscovered shores of Glyndewi, and that we were therefore likely to be
+companions for the next three months. He was an off-hand, good-humoured
+fellow; drank brandy-and-water, treated the coachman, and professed an
+acquaintance with bar-maids in general, and pretty ones in particular,
+on our line of road. He was going up for a class, he supposed, he said;
+the governor had taken a "second below the line" himself, and insisted
+upon his emulating the paternal distinction; d----d nonsense, he said,
+in his opinion: except that the governor had a couple of harriers with
+Greek names, he did not see that his classics were of any use to him;
+and no doubt but that Hylax and Phryne would run just as well if they
+had been called Stormer and Merry Lass. However, he must rub up all his
+old Eton books this "long," and get old Hanmer to lay it on thick. Such
+was Mr Branling of Brazen-nose.
+
+At Shrewsbury, we were saluted with the intelligence, "Coach dines here,
+gentlemen." We found a couple of fowls that the coach might probably
+have dined upon, and digested with other articles--in the hind boot; to
+human stomachs they seemed impracticable. We employed the allotted ten
+minutes upon a leg of mutton, and ascended again to our stations on the
+roof; and here was an addition to our party. Externally, it consisted
+of a mackintosh and a fur cap: in the very short interval between the
+turned-down flap of the one and the turned-up collar of the other, were
+a pair of grey glass spectacles, and part of a nose. So far we had no
+very sufficient premises from which to draw conclusions, whether or not
+he were "one of us." But there were internal evidences; an odour of
+Bouquet de Roi, or some such villanous compound, nearly overpowering
+the fragrance of some genuine weed which I had supplied my pea-coated
+friend with in the place of his Oxford "Havannahs;" a short cough
+occasionally, as though the smoke of the said weed were not altogether
+"the perfume of the lips he loved;" and a resolute taciturnity. What was
+he? It is a lamentable fact, that an Oxford undergraduate does not
+invariably look the gentleman. He vibrates between the fashionable
+assurance of a London swindler and the modest diffidence of an overgrown
+schoolboy. There is usually a degree of unfinishedness about him. He
+seems to be assuming a character: unlike the glorious Burschenschaft
+of Germany, he has no character of his own. However, for want of more
+profitable occupation, we set to work in earnest to discover who our
+fellow-traveller really was; and by a series of somewhat American
+conversational inquiries, we at last fished out that he was going into
+----shire, like ourselves--nay, in answer to a direct question on the
+subject, that he hoped to meet Hanmer of Trinity at Glyndewi. But no
+further information could we get: our new friend was reserved. Mr
+Branling and I had commenced intimacy already. "My name is Branling
+of Brazen-nose;" "and mine Hawthorne of ----;" was our concise
+introduction. But our companion was the pink of Oxford correctness on
+this point. He thanked the porter for putting his luggage up; called me
+"Sir," till he found I was an Oxford man; and had we travelled for a
+month together, would rather have requested the coachman to introduce
+us, than be guilty of any such barbarism as to introduce himself. So by
+degrees our intimacy, instead of warming, waxed cold. As night drew on,
+and the fire of cigars from Branling, self, and coachman became more
+deadly, the fur cap was drawn still closer over the ears, the mackintosh
+crept up higher, and we lost sight of all but the outline of the
+spectacles.
+
+The abominable twitter of the sparrows in the hedgerows gave notice of
+the break of day--to travellers the most dismal of all hours, in my
+opinion--when I awoke from the comfortable nap into which I had fallen
+since the last change of horses. For some time we alternately dozed,
+tumbled against each other, begged pardon, and awoke; till at last the
+sun broke out gloriously as we drove into the cheerful little town of
+B----.
+
+A good breakfast set us all to rights, and made even our friend in the
+mackintosh talkative. He came out most in the character of tea-maker (an
+office, by the way, which he filled to the general satisfaction of his
+constituents during our stay in North Wales). We found out that he was a
+St Mary Hall man, with a duplicate name: Mr Sydney Dawson, as the cards
+on his multifarious luggage set forth: that he was an aspirant for
+"anything he could get" in the way of honours (humble aspiration as it
+seemed, it was not destined to be gratified, for he got nothing). He
+thought he might find some shooting and fishing in Wales, so had
+brought with him a gun-case and a setter; though his pretensions to
+sportsmanship proved to be rather of the cockney order. For three months
+he was the happily unconscious butt of our party, and yet never but once
+was his good-humour seriously interrupted.
+
+From B---- to Glyndewi we had been told we must make our way as we
+could: and a council of war, which included boots and the waiter, ended
+in the arrival of the owner of one of the herring-boats, of which there
+were several under "the terrace." "Was you wish to go to Glyndewi,
+gentlemen? I shall take you so quick as any way; she is capital wind,
+and you shall have fine sail." A man who could speak such undeniable
+English was in himself a treasure; for an ineffectual attempt at a
+bargain for some lobsters (even with a "Welsh interpreter" in our hands)
+had warned us that there were in this Christian country unknown tongues
+which would have puzzled even the Rev. Edward Irving. So the bargain was
+struck: in half an hour ourselves and traps were alongside the boat:
+and after waiting ten minutes for the embarkation of Mr Sydney Dawson
+and his dog Sholto, who seemed to have an abhorrence of sea-voyages,
+Branling at last hauled in the latter in the last agonies of
+strangulation, and his master having tumbled in over him, to the
+detriment of a pair of clean whites and a cerulean waistcoat, we--_i.
+e._ the rest of us--set sail for Glyndewi in high spirits.
+
+Our boatmen were intelligent fellows, and very anxious to display their
+little stock of English. They knew Mr Hanmer well, they said--he had
+been at Glyndewi the summer before; he was "nice free gentleman;" and
+they guessed immediately the object of our pilgrimage: Glyndewi was
+"very much for learning;" did not gentlemen from Oxford College, and
+gentlemen from Cambridge College, all come there? We warned him not on
+any account to couple us in his mind with "Cambridge gentlemen:" we were
+quite a distinct species, we assured him. (They had beaten us that year
+in the eight-oar match on the Thames.) But there seemed no sufficient
+reason for disabusing their minds of the notion that this influx of
+students was owing to something classical in the air of Glyndewi;
+indeed, supposing this theory to be wrong, it was no easy matter to
+substitute a sounder one. In what did the superiority of Mrs Jenkins's
+smoky parlour at Glyndewi consist, for the purposes of reading for a
+degree, compared with my pleasant rooms looking into ---- gardens at
+Oxford, or the governor's snug library at home? It is an abstruse
+question. Parents and guardians, indeed, whose part upon the stage of
+life, as upon the theatrical stage, consists principally in submitting
+to be more or less humbugged, attribute surprising effects to a fancied
+absence of all amusements, with a mill-horse round of Greek, Latin, and
+logic, early rising, and walks in the country with a pocket Horace. From
+my own experience of reading parties, I should select as their peculiar
+characteristics a tendency to hats and caps of such remarkable shapes
+as, if once sported in the college quadrangle, would be the subject of
+a common-room _instanter_; and, among some individuals (whom we may
+call the peripatetic philosophers of the party) a predilection for
+seedy shooting-coats and short pipes, with which they perambulate the
+neighbourhood to the marvel of the aboriginal inhabitants; while
+those whom we may class with the stoics, display a preference for
+dressing-gowns and meerschaums, and confine themselves principally to
+the doorways and open windows of their respective lodgings. How far
+these "helps to knowledge"--for which Oxford certainly does not afford
+equal facilities--conduce to the required first or second class, is a
+question I do not feel competent to decide; but _if_ reading-parties
+_do_ succeed, the secret of their success may at least as probably lie
+in these hitherto unregarded phenomena.
+
+Five hours of a fair wind brought us to Glyndewi. Here we found Hanmer
+and Gordon, who had taken a house for the party, and seemed already
+domesticated. I cannot say that we were royally lodged: the rooms were
+low, and the terms high; but as no one thought of taking lodgings at
+Glyndewi in the winter, and the rats consequently lived in them
+rent-free for six months, it was but fair somebody should pay: and
+we did. "Attendance" we had into the bargain. Now, attendance at a
+lodging-house has been defined to be, the privilege of ringing your bell
+as often as you please, provided you do not expect any one to answer it.
+But the bell-ropes in Mrs Jenkins's parlours being only ornamental
+appendages, our privilege was confined to calling upon the landing-place
+for a red-headed female, who, when she did come, which was seldom, was
+terrible to look upon, and could only be conversed with by pantomime.
+
+To do Mrs Jenkins and "Gwenny" justice, they were scrupulously clean
+in everything but their own persons, which, the latter's especially,
+seemed to have monopolised the dirt of the whole establishment.
+College bedrooms are not luxurious affairs, so we were not inclined
+to be captious on that head; and we slept soundly, and awoke with a
+determination to make our first voyage of discovery in a charitable
+spirit.
+
+The result of our morning's stroll was the unanimous conclusion that
+Glyndewi was a rising place. It did not seem inclined to rise all at
+once though; but in patches here and there, with a quarter of a mile or
+so between, like what we read of the great sea-serpent. (I fear this
+individual is no more; this matter-of-fact age has been the death of
+him.) There were two long streets--one parallel to the quay (or, as the
+more refined call it, "the terrace"), and the other at right angles to
+it. The first was Herring Street--the second Goose Street. At least such
+were the ancient names, which I give for the benefit of antiquarian
+readers. Since the then Princess Victoria visited B----, the loyalty of
+the Glyndewi people had changed "Herring" into "Victoria;" and her royal
+consort has since had the equivocal compliment paid him of transmuting
+"Goose Street" into "Albert Buildings." I trust it will not be
+considered disloyal to say, that the original sponsors--the geese and
+the herrings--seem to me to have been somewhat hardly used; having done
+more for their namesakes than, as far as I can learn, their royal
+successors even promised.
+
+Glyndewi was rising, however, in more respects than in the matter of
+taste in nomenclature. Tall houses, all front and windows, were stuck up
+here and there; sometimes with a low fisherman's cottage between them,
+whose sinking roof and bulging walls looked as if, like the frog in the
+fable, it had burst in the vain attempt to rival its majestic neighbour.
+At one end stood a large hotel with a small business, and an empty
+billiard-room; at the other, a wall six inches high marked the spot
+where subscription-rooms were to be built for the accommodation of
+visitors and the public generally, as set forth in the prospectus, as
+soon as the visitors and the public chose to find the money. Nearly the
+whole of the village was the property of a gentleman who had built
+the hotel and billiard-room, and run up a few lodging-houses on a
+speculation, which seemed at best a doubtful one, of making it in time
+a fashionable watering-place.
+
+Glyndewi had been recommended to us as a quiet place. It was
+quiet--horribly quiet. Not the quiet of green fields and deep woods,
+the charm of country life; but the quiet of a teetotal supper-party,
+or a college in vacation. "Just the place for reading: no gaiety--no
+temptations." So I had written to tell the governor, in the ardour of my
+setting forth as one of a "reading-party:" alas! it was a fatal mistake.
+Had it been an ordinarily cheerful place, I think one or two of us could
+and would have read there; as it was, our whole wits were set to work to
+enliven its dulness. It took us as long to invent an amusement, as would
+have sufficed elsewhere for getting tired of half-a-dozen different
+dissipations. The very reason which made us fix upon it as a place to
+read in, proved in our case the source of unmitigated idleness. "No
+temptations," indeed! there were no temptations--the only temptation I
+felt there was to hang or drown myself, and there was not a tree six
+feet high within as many miles, and the Dewi was a river "darkly,
+deeply, beautifully"--muddy; it would have been smothering rather. We
+should not have staid to the end of the first month, had it not been for
+very shame; but to run away from a reading-party would have been a joke
+against us for ever. So from the time we got up in the morning, until
+we climbed Mrs Jenkins's domestic tread-mill again at night, the one
+question was, what should we do with ourselves? Walk? there were the
+A---- and B---- roads--three miles of sand and dust either way. Before
+us was the bay--behind the ----shire mountains, up which one might walk
+some sixteen miles (in the month of July), and get the same view from
+each successive point you reached: viz., a hill before you, which you
+thought must be the top at last, and Glyndewi--of which we knew the
+number of houses, and the number of windows in each--behind. Ride
+then?--the two hacks kept by mine host of the Mynysnewydd Arms deserve
+a history to themselves. Rosinante would have been ashamed to be seen
+grazing in the same field with such caricatures of his race. There was a
+board upon a house a few doors off, announcing that "pleasure and other
+boats" were to be let on hire. All the boats that we were acquainted
+with must have been the "other" ones--for they smelled of herrings,
+sailed at about the pace of a couple of freshmen in a "two-oar," and
+gave very pretty exercise--to those who were fond of it--in baling. As
+for reading, we were like the performers at a travelling theatre--always
+"going to begin."
+
+Branling, indeed, did once shut himself up in his bedroom, as we
+afterwards ascertained, with a box of cigars and a black and tan
+terrier, and read for three weeks on end in the peculiar atmosphere thus
+created. Willingham of Christ Church, and myself, had what was called
+the dining-room in common, and proceeded so far on the third day after
+our arrival, as to lay out a very imposing spread of books upon all the
+tables; and there it remained in evidence of our good intentions, until
+the first time we were called upon to do the honours of an extempore
+luncheon. Unfortunately, from the very first, Willingham and myself
+were set down by Hanmer as the idle men of the party; this sort of
+prophetical discrimination, which tutors at Oxford are very much in the
+habit of priding themselves upon, tends, like other prophecies, to work
+its own fulfilment. Did a civil Welshman favour us with a call? "Show
+him in to Mr Hawthorne and Mr Willingham; I dare say they are not very
+busy"--quoth our _Jupiter tonans_ from on high in the dining-room, where
+he held his court; and accordingly in he came. We had Stilton and
+bottled porter in charge for these occasions from the common stock; but
+the honours of all these visits were exclusively our own, as far as
+house-room went. In dropped the rest of the party, one by one. Hanmer
+himself pitched the Ethics into a corner to make room, as he said, for
+substantials, the froth of bottled Guinness damped the eloquence of
+Cicero, and Branling having twisted up my analysis of the last-read
+chapter into a light for his cigar, there was an end of our morning's
+work. How could we read? That was what we always said, and there was
+some truth in it.
+
+Mr Branling's reading fit was soon over too; and having cursed the
+natives for barbarians, because there was not a pack of harriers within
+ten miles, which confirmed him in the opinion he had always expressed of
+their utter want of civilisation (for, as he justly remarked, not one in
+a dozen could even speak decent English), he waited impatiently for
+September, when he had got leave from some Mr Williams or Jones--I never
+remembered which--to shoot over a considerable range about Glyndewi.
+
+But with the 20th of August a change came o'er the spirit of our dream.
+Hitherto we had seen little of any of the neighbouring families,
+excepting that of a Captain George Phillips, who, living only three
+miles off, on the bank of the river, and having three sons and two
+daughters, and keeping a pretty yacht, had given us a dinner-party
+or two, and a pleasant day's sail. Capital fellows were the young
+Phillipses: Nature's gentlemen; unsophisticated, hearty Welshmen; lads
+from sixteen to twenty. Down they used to come in a most dangerous
+little craft of their own, which went by the name of the "Coroner's
+Inquest," to smoke cigars, (against which the Captain had published an
+interdict at home), and question us about Oxford larks, and tell us in
+return stories of wild-fowl shooting, otter-hunting, and salmon-fishing,
+in all which they were proficient.
+
+Our establishment was not an imposing one, but of them we made no
+strangers. Once they came, I remember, self-invited to dinner, in a most
+unfortunate state of our larder. The weekly half sheep had not arrived
+from B----; to get anything in Glyndewi, beyond the native luxuries of
+bacon and herrings, was hopeless; and our dinner happened to be a leash
+of fowls, of which we had just purchased a live supply. Mrs Glasse would
+have been in despair; we took it coolly; to the three boiled fowls at
+top, we added three roast ditto at bottom, and by unanimous consent of
+both guests and entertainers, a more excellent dinner was never put on
+table.
+
+But the 20th of August the day of the Glyndewi regatta!--_that_ must
+have a chapter to itself.
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+When a dull place like Glyndewi does undertake to be gay, it seldom does
+things by halves. Ordinary doses of excitement fail to meet the urgency
+of the case. It was the fashion, it appeared, for all the country
+families of any pretensions to _ton_, and not a few of the idlers from
+the neighbouring watering-places, to be at Glyndewi for the race-week.
+And as far as the programme of amusements went, certainly the committee
+(consisting of the resident surgeon, the non-resident proprietor of the
+"hotel," &c., and a retired major in the H.E.I.C.'s service, called
+by his familiars by the endearing name of "Tiger Jones") had made a
+spirited attempt to meet the demand. A public breakfast, and a regatta,
+and a ball--a "Full Dress and Fancy Ball," the advertisement said, on
+the 20th; a Horse-Race and an Ordinary on the 21st; a Cricket Match, if
+possible, and any extra fun which the Visitors' own genius might strike
+out on the following days.
+
+The little bay of Glyndewi was not a bad place for a boat-race on a
+small scale. The "terrace" commanded the whole of it; there were plenty
+of herring-boats, about equally matched in sailing deficiencies, ready
+and willing to "run"--_i. e._ creep--for the prizes; and an honourable
+member of the Yacht Club, who for some years past, for reasons which it
+was said his creditors could explain, had found it more convenient to
+keep his season at B---- than at Cowes, always paid the stewards the
+compliment of carrying off the "Ladies' Challenge Cup."
+
+The two or three years' experience which the Glyndewi people had lately
+gained of the nature and habits of "the Oxonians," made them an article
+in great demand on these occasions. Mammas and daughters agreed in
+looking upon us as undeniable partners in the ball-room, while the
+sporting men booked us as safe for getting up a creditable four-oar,
+with a strong probability of finding a light-weight willing to risk his
+neck and reputation at a hurdle-race. Certain it is, that from the time
+the races began to be seriously talked about, we began to feel ourselves
+invested with additional importance. "Tiger Jones" (who occupied a snug
+little box about a mile out of Glyndewi, where he lived upon cheroots
+and brandy-and-water) called, was exceedingly polite, apologised for
+not inviting us to dinner--a thing he declared impossible in his
+quarters--hoped we would call some day and take a lunch with him, spoke
+with rapture of the capital crew which "the gentlemen who were studying
+here last summer" had made up, and which ran away from all competitors,
+and expressed a fervent hope that we should do likewise.
+
+The sporting surgeon (of course he had called upon us long ago)
+redoubled his attentions, begged that if any of us were cricketers we
+would endeavour to aid him in getting up a "Glyndewi eleven" against the
+"Strangers," and fixed himself upon me as an invaluable acquisition,
+when he found I had actually once played in a match against Marylebone.
+(I did not tell him that the total score of my innings was "_one_.")
+Would I, then, at once take the drilling of as many recruits as he could
+get together? And would Mr Willingham and Mr Gordon, who "used to play
+at school," get up their practice again? (It wanted about a fortnight to
+the races.) The result of this, and sundry other interviews, was, that
+Branling at length found a vent for the _vis inertię_ in putting us all,
+with the exception of Mr Sydney Dawson, whom he declared to be so stiff
+in the back that he had no hope of him, into training for a four-oar;
+and the surgeon and myself set off in his gig for B----, to purchase
+materials for cricket.
+
+It is true that our respected tutor did look more than usually grave,
+and shook his head with a meaning almost as voluminous as Lord
+Burleigh's, when informed of our new line of study. Rowing he declared
+to be a most absurd expenditure of time and strength; he never could see
+the fun of men breaking blood-vessels, and getting plucked for their
+degree, for the honour of "the Trinity Boat." But the cricket touched
+him on the raw. He was an old Etonian, and had in his time been
+a good player; and was now as active as any stout gentleman of
+seven-and-thirty, who had been twelve years a steady admirer of bursary
+dinners and common-room port. So, after some decent scruples on his
+part, and some well-timed compliments touching his physical abilities on
+ours (he was much vainer of the muscle of his arm than of his high
+reputation as a scholar), we succeeded in drawing from him a sort of
+promise, that if we were so foolish as to get up a match, he would try
+whether he had forgot all about bowling.
+
+For the next fortnight, therefore, we had occupation enough cut out
+for us. Branling was unmerciful in his practice on the river; and
+considering that two of us had never pulled an oar but in the slowest
+of "Torpids," we improved surprisingly under his tuition. The cricket,
+too, was quite a new era in our existence. Dawson (we told him that the
+"Sydney" must be kept for Sundays) was a perfect fund of amusement in
+his zealous practice. He knew as much about the matter as a cow might,
+and was rather less active. But if perseverance could have made a
+cricketer, he would have turned out a first-rate one. Not content with
+two or three hours of it every fine evening, when we all sallied down
+to the marsh, followed by every idler in Glyndewi, he used to disappear
+occasionally in the mornings, and for some days puzzled us as to where
+and how he disposed of himself. We had engaged, in our corporate
+capacity, the services of a most original retainer, who cleaned boots,
+fetched the beer, ate the cold mutton, and made himself otherwise
+useful when required. He was amphibious in his habits, having been a
+herring-fisher the best part of his life; but being a martyr to the
+rheumatism, which occasionally screwed him up into indescribable forms,
+had betaken himself to earning a precarious subsistence as he could on
+shore. It was not often that we required his services between breakfast
+and luncheon, but one morning, after having despatched Gwenny in all
+directions to hunt for Bill Thomas in vain, we at at last elicited from
+her that "maybe she was gone with Mr Dawson." Then it came out, to our
+infinite amusement, that Dawson was in the habit, occasionally, of
+impressing our factotum Bill to carry bat, stumps, and ball down to the
+marsh, and there commencing private practice on his own account.
+
+Mr Sydney Dawson and Bill Thomas--the sublime and the
+ridiculous--amalgamating at cricket, was far too good a joke to lose; so
+we got Hanmer to cut his lecture short, and come down with us to the
+scene of action. From the cover of a sand-bank, we had a view of all
+that was going on in the plain below. There was our friend at the
+wicket, with his coat off, and the grey spectacles on, in an attitude
+which it must have taken him some study to accomplish, and Bill, with
+the ball in his hand, vociferating "Plaiy." A ragged urchin behind the
+wicket, attempting to bag the balls as Dawson missed them in what had
+once been a hat, and Sholto looking on with an air of mystification,
+completed the picture.
+
+"That's too slow," said Sydney, as Bill, after some awful contortions,
+at length delivered himself of what he called a cast. "_Diawl!_" said
+Bill, _sotto voce_, as he again got possession of the ball. "That's too
+high," was the complaint, as, with an extraordinary kind of jerk, it
+flew some yards over the batsman's head, and took what remained of the
+crown out of the little lazzaroni's hat behind. "_Diawl!_" quoth Bill
+again, apologetically. "She got too much way on her that time." Bill
+was generally pretty wide of his mark, and great appeared to be the
+satisfaction of all parties when Dawson contrived to make a hit, and
+Sholto and the boy set off after the ball, while the striker leaned with
+elegant _nonchalance_ upon his bat, and Bill mopped his face, and gave
+vent to a complimentary variety of "Diawl." It was really a pity to
+interrupt the performance; but we did at last. Bill looked rather
+ashamed of his share in the business when he saw "Mishtar," as he called
+Hanmer; but Dawson's self-complacency and good-humour carried him
+through everything. "By Jove," said Willingham to him, "no wonder you
+improve in your style of play; Bill has no bad notion of bowling, has
+he?" "Why, no; he does very well for practice; and he is to have
+half-a-crown if he gets me out." "Bowl at his legs, Bill," said
+Willingham aside, "he's out, you know, if you hit them." "Nay," said
+Bill, with a desponding shake of the head, "she squat 'n hard on the
+knee now just, and made 'n proper savage, but I wasn't get nothing for
+that."
+
+Positively we did more in the way of reading after the boating and the
+cricket began, than while we continued in a state of vagrant idleness,
+without a fixed amusement of any kind. In the first place, it was
+necessary to conciliate Hanmer by some show of industry in the morning,
+in order to keep him in good humour for the cricket in the evening; for
+he was decidedly the main hope of our having anything like a decent
+eleven. Secondly, the Phillipses took to dining early at home, and
+coming to practice with us in the evening, instead of dropping down the
+river every breezy morning, and either idling in our rooms, or beguiling
+us out mackerel-fishing or flapper-shooting in their boat. And thirdly,
+it became absolutely necessary that we should do something, if class
+lists and examiners had any real existence, and were not mere bugbears
+invented by "alma mater" to instil a wholesome terror into her unruly
+progeny. Really, when one compared our actual progress with the Augean
+labour which was to be gone through, it required a large amount of faith
+to believe that we were all "going up for honours in October."
+
+We spent a very pleasant morning at Llyn-eiros, the den of "Tiger
+Jones." He obtained this somewhat appalling sobriquet from a habit of
+spinning yarns, more marvellous than his unwarlike neighbours were
+accustomed to, of the dangers encountered in his Indian sports; and one
+in particular, of an extraordinary combat between his "chokedar" and a
+tiger--whether the gist of the story lay in the tiger's eating the
+chokedar, or the chokedar eating the tiger, I am not sure--I rather
+think the latter. However, in Wales one is always glad to have some
+distinguishing appellation to prefix to the name of Jones. If a man's
+godfathers and godmothers have the forethought to christen him
+"Mountstewart Jones," or "Fitzhardinge Jones" (I knew such instances of
+cognominal anticlimax), then it was all very well--no mistake about the
+individuality of such fortunate people. But "Tom Joneses" and "Bob
+Joneses" were no individuals at all. They were classes, and large
+classes; and had to be again distinguished into "Little Bob Joneses" and
+"Long Bob Joneses." Or if there happened to be nothing sufficiently
+characteristic in the personal appearance of the rival Joneses, then
+was he fortunate who had no less complimentary additions to his style
+and title than what might be derived from the name of his location, or
+the nature of his engagements. These honours were often hereditary--nay,
+sometimes descended in the female line. We hear occasionally, in
+England, of "Mrs Doctor Smith," and "Mrs Major Brown;" and absurd as it
+is, one does comprehend by intuition that it was the gentleman and not
+the lady who was the ten-year man at Cambridge, or the commandant of
+the Boggleton yeomanry; but few besides a Welshman would have learned,
+without a smile, that "Mrs Jones the officer" was the relict of the late
+tide-waiter at Glyndewi, or that the quiet, modest little daughter of
+the town-clerk of B---- was known to her intimates as "Miss Jones the
+lawyer." Luckily our friend the Tiger was a bachelor; it would have been
+alarming to a nervous stranger at the Glyndewi ball, upon inquiring the
+name of the young lady with red hair and cat's eyes, to have been
+introduced incontinently to "Miss Jones the tiger."
+
+The Tiger himself was a well-disposed animal; somewhat given to solitary
+prowling, like his namesakes in a state of nature, but of most
+untigerlike and facetious humour. He generally marched into Glyndewi
+after an early breakfast, and from that time until he returned to
+his "mutton" at five, might be seen majestically stalking up and down
+the extreme edge of the terrace, looking at the fishing-boats, and
+shaking--_not_ his tail, for, as all stout gentlemen seemed to think it
+their duty to do by the sea-side, he wore a round jacket. From the time
+that we began our new pursuits, he took to us amazingly--called us
+his "dear lads"--offered bets to any amount that we should beat the
+B---- Cutter Club, and protested that he never saw finer bowling at
+Lord's than Hanmer's.
+
+Branling was in delight. He had found a man who would smoke with him all
+day (report said, indeed, that the Tiger regularly went to sleep with
+a cheroot in his mouth), and he had the superintending of "the boat,"
+which was his thought from morning to night. A light gig, that had once
+belonged to the custom-house, was polished and painted under his special
+directions (often did we sigh for one of King's worst "fours!") and the
+fishermen marvelled at such precocious nautical talent.
+
+None of these, however--great events as they were in our hitherto
+monotonous sojourn--were the "crowning mercy" of the Glyndewi regatta.
+Hitherto the sunshine of bright eyes, and the breath of balmy lips, had
+been almost as much unknown to us as if we had been still within the
+monastic walls of Oxford. We had dined in a body at our friend the
+surgeon's: he was a bachelor. We had been invited by twos and threes at
+a time to a Welsh squire's in the neighbourhood, who had two maiden
+sisters, and a fat, good-humoured wife. Captain Phillips had given us a
+spread more than once at Craig-y-gerron, and, of course, some of us (I
+was not so fortunate) had handed in the Misses Phillips to dinner; but
+the greater part of the time from six till eleven (at which hour Hanmer
+always ordered out our "_trap_") was too pleasantly occupied in
+discussing the captain's port and claret, and laughing at his jokes,
+to induce us to give much time or attention to the ladies in the
+drawing-room. If some of my fair readers exclaim against this stoic (or
+rather epicurean) indifference, it may gratify their injured vanity to
+know, that in the sequel some of us paid for it.
+
+The Phillipses came down in full force the day before the regatta; they
+were engaged to lunch with us, and, as it was the first time that the
+ladies of the party had honoured us with a visit, we spared no pains to
+make our entertainment somewhat more _recherché_ than was our wont. It
+was then that I first discovered that Clara Phillips was beautiful. I am
+not going to describe her now; I never could have described her. All I
+knew, and all I remember, was, that for a long time afterwards I formed
+my standard of what a woman ought to be, by unconscious comparison with
+what she was. What colour her eyes were, was a question among us at the
+time. Willingham swore they were grey; Dawson insisted that they were
+hazel; Branling, to whom they referred the point, was inclined to think
+there was "something green" in them. But that they were eyes of no
+common expression, all of us were agreed. I think at least half the
+party were more than half in love with her when that race-week was over.
+In one sense it was not her fault if we were; for a girl more thoroughly
+free from every species of coquetry, and with less of that pitiful
+ambition of making conquests, which is the curse of half the sex, it was
+impossible to meet with. But she was to blame for it too, in another
+way; for to know her, and not love her, would have been a reproach to
+any man. Lively and good-humoured, with an unaffected buoyancy of
+spirits, interesting herself in all that passed around her, and
+unconscious of the interest she herself excited, no wonder that she
+seemed to us like an angel sent to cheer us in our house of bondage. Of
+her own family she was deservedly the darling; even Dick Phillips, whom
+three successive tutors had given up in despair, became the most docile
+of pupils under his sister Clara. Accustomed early to join her brothers
+in all out-door sports, she was an excellent horsewoman, a fearless
+sailor, and an untiring explorer of mountains and waterfalls, without
+losing her naturally feminine character, or becoming in any degree a
+hoiden or a romp. She sang the sweet national airs of Wales with a voice
+whose richness of tone was only second to its power of expression. She
+did everything with the air of one who, while delighting others, is
+conscious only of delighting herself; and never seeking admiration,
+received it as gracefully as it was ungrudgingly bestowed.
+
+If there is one form of taking exercise which I really hate, it is what
+people call dancing. I am passionately fond of music; but why people
+should conceive it necessary to shuffle about in all varieties of
+awkwardness, in order to enjoy it to their satisfaction, has been, is,
+and probably will ever be, beyond my comprehension. It is all very well
+for young ladies on the look-out for husbands to affect a fondness for
+dancing: in the first place, some women dance gracefully, and even
+elegantly, and show themselves off undoubtedly to advantage (if any
+exhibition on a woman's part be an advantage); then it gives an excuse
+for whispering, and squeezing of hands, and stealing flowers, and a
+thousand nameless skirmishings preparatory to what they are endeavouring
+to bring about--an engagement; but for a man to be fond of shuffling
+and twirling himself out of the dignity of step which nature gave
+him--picking his way through a quadrille, like a goose upon hot bricks,
+or gyrating like a bad tee-totum in what English fashionables are
+pleased to term a "valse," I never see a man thus occupied, without a
+fervent desire to kick him. "What a Goth!" I hear a fair reader of
+eighteen, prettily ejaculate--"thank Heaven, that all men have not such
+barbarous ideas! Why, I would go fifty miles to a good ball!" Be not
+alarmed, my dear young lady; give me but a moment to thank Providence,
+in my turn, that you are neither my sister nor my daughter, and I will
+promise you that you shall never be my wife.
+
+On the Saturday night, then, I made Gordon and Willingham both very
+cross, and caught Sydney Dawson's eye looking over his spectacles with
+supreme contempt, when I declared my decided intention of staying at
+home the night of the ball. Even the Reverend Robert Hanmer, who was
+going himself, was annoyed when Gordon told him of what he called my
+wilfulness, having a notion that it was decidedly disrespectful in any
+of us, either to go when he did _not_, or to decline going when he
+_did_.
+
+On the Tuesday morning, I sent to B---- for white kids. Gordon looked
+astonished, Hanmer was glad that I had "taken his advice," and
+Willingham laughed outright; he had overheard Clara Phillips ask me to
+dance with her. Men _are_ like green gooseberries--very green ones;
+women _do_ make fools of them, and a comparatively small proportion of
+sugar, in the shape of flattery, is sufficient.
+
+Two days before the regatta, there marched into Mrs Jenkins's open
+doorway, a bewildered-looking gentleman, shaking off the dust from his
+feet in testimony of having had a long walk, and inquiring for Hanmer.
+Gwenny, with her natural grace, trotted up-stairs before him, put her
+head in at the "drawing-room" door (she seemed always conscious that the
+less one saw of her person the better), and having announced briefly,
+but emphatically, "a gentlemans," retreated. Hanmer had puzzled himself
+and me by an attempt to explain a passage which Aristotle, of course,
+would have put in plainer language if he had known what he meant
+himself--but modern philosophers are kind enough to help him out
+occasionally--when the entrance of the gentleman in dust cut the Gordian
+knot, and saved the Stagyrite from the disgrace of having a pretty bit
+of esoteric abstruseness translated into common sense.
+
+(What a blessing would it be for Dr ----, and Professor ----, if they
+might be allowed to mystify their readers in Greek! though, to do them
+justice, they have turned the Queen's English to good account for that
+purpose, and have produced passages which first-class men, at an
+Athenian university, might possibly construe, but which the whole board
+of sophists might be defied to explain.)
+
+The _deus ex machinā_--the gentleman on, or rather off the tramp--who
+arrived thus opportunely, was no less a person than the Reverend George
+Plympton, Fellow of Oriel, &c. &c. &c. He was an intimate friend of our
+worthy tutor's; if the friendship between Oxford dons can be called
+intimacy. They compared the merits of their respective college cooks
+three or four times a term, and contended for the superior vintage of
+the common-room port. They played whist together; walked arm-in-arm
+round Christ Church meadow; and knew the names of all the old incumbents
+in each other's college-list, and the value of the respective livings.
+Mr Plympton and a friend had been making a walking tour of North Wales;
+that is, they walked about five miles, stared at a mountain, or a fall,
+or an old castle, as per guide-book, and then coached it to the next
+point, when the said book set down that "the Black Dog was an excellent
+inn," or that "travellers would find every accommodation at Mrs
+Price's of the Wynnstay Arms." Knowing that Hanmer was to be found at
+Glyndewi, Mr Plympton left his friend at B----, where the salmon was
+unexceptionable, and had completed the most arduous day's walk in his
+journal, nearly thirteen miles, in a state of dust and heat far from
+agreeable to a stoutish gentleman of forty, who usually looked as spruce
+as if he came out of a band-box. Hanmer and he seemed really glad to see
+each other. On those "oxless" shores, where, as Byron says, "beef was
+rare," though
+
+     "Goat's flesh there was, no doubt, and kid, and mutton,"
+
+the tender reminiscences of far-off Gaude days and Bursary dinners,
+that must have arisen in the hearts of each, were enough to make their
+meeting almost an affecting one. Hanmer must have blushed, I think,
+though far from his wont, when he asked Mr Plympton if he could feed
+with us at four upon--hashed mutton! (We consumed nearly a sheep per
+week, and exhausted our stock of culinary ideas, as well as our
+landlady's patience, in trying to vary the forms in which it was to
+appear; not having taken the precaution, as some Cambridge men did at
+B---- one vacation, to bespeak a French cook at a rather higher salary
+than the mathematical tutor's.)[A] Probably, however, Mr Plympton's
+unusual walk made him more anxious about the quantity than the quality
+of his diet, for he not only attacked the mutton like an Etonian, but
+announced his intention of staying with us over the ball, if a bed was
+to be had, and sending to B---- for his decorations. He was introduced
+in due form to the Phillipses the next day, and in the number and
+elegance of his bows, almost eclipsed Mr Sydney Dawson, whom Clara never
+ceased to recommend to her brothers as an example of politeness.
+
+[Footnote A: Fact.]
+
+Bright dawned the morning of the 20th of August, the first of the "three
+glorious days" of Glyndewi. As people came to these races really for
+amusement, the breakfast was fixed for the very unfashionable hour of
+ten, in order not to interfere with the main business of the day--the
+regatta. Before half-past, the tables at the Mynysnewydd Arms were
+filled with what the _----shire Herald_ termed "a galaxy of beauty and
+fashion." But every one seemed well aware that there were far more
+substantial attractions present, meant to fill not the tables only, but
+the guests. The breakfast was by no means a matter of form. People had
+evidently come with more serious intentions than merely to display new
+bonnets, and trifle with grapes and peaches. Sea-air gives a whet to
+even a lady's appetite, and if the performances that morning were any
+criterion of the effects of that of Glyndewi, the new Poor Law
+Commissioners, in forming their scale of allowances, must really have
+reported it a "special case." The fair Cambrians, in short, played
+very respectable knives and forks--made no bones--or rather nothing
+but bones--of the chickens, and ate kippered salmon like Catholics.
+You caught a bright eye gazing in your direction with evident
+interest--"Would you have the kindness to cut that pasty before you
+for a lady?" You almost overheard a tender whisper from the gentleman
+opposite to the pretty girl beside him. She blushes and gently
+remonstrates. Again his lip almost touches her cheek in earnest
+persuasion--yes! she is consenting--to another _little_ slice of
+ham! As for the jolly Welsh squires themselves, and their strapping
+heirs-apparent (you remember that six-foot-four man surely, number
+six of the Jesus boat)--now that the ladies have really done, and
+the waiters have brought in the relays of brandered chickens and
+fresh-caught salmon, which mine host, who has had some experience of his
+customers, has most liberally provided--they set to work in earnest.
+They have been only politely trifling hitherto with the wing of a fowl
+or so, to keep the ladies company. But now, as old Captain Phillips, at
+the head of the table, cuts a slice and a joke alternately, and the
+Tiger at the bottom begins to let out his carnivorous propensities, one
+gets to have an idea what breakfast means. "Let me advise you, my dear
+Mr Dawson--as a friend--you'll excuse an old stager--if you have no
+particular wish to starve yourself--you've had nothing yet but two cups
+of tea--to help yourself, and let your neighbours do the same. You may
+keep on cutting Vauxhall shavings for those three young Lloyds till
+Michaelmas; pass the ham down to them, and hand me those devilled
+kidneys."
+
+"Tea? no; thank you; I took a cup yesterday, and haven't been myself
+since. Waiter! don't you see this tankard's empty?"
+
+"Consume you, Dick Phillips! I left two birds in that pie five minutes
+back, and you've cleared it out!"
+
+"Diawl, John Jones, I was a fool to look into a tankard after you!"
+
+Everything has an end, and so the breakfast had at last; and we followed
+the ladies to the terrace to watch the sailing for the ladies' challenge
+cup. By the help of a glass we could see three yachts, with about half a
+mile between each, endeavouring to get round a small boat with a man and
+a flag in it, which, as the wind was about the worst they could have had
+for the purpose, seemed no easy matter. There was no great interest in
+straining one's eyes after them, so I found out the Phillipses, and
+having told Dawson, who was escorting Clara, that Hanmer was looking for
+him to make out the list of "the eleven," I was very sorry indeed when
+the sound of a gun announced that the Hon. H. Chouser's Firefly had won
+the cup, and that the other two yachts might be expected in the course
+of half an hour. Nobody waited for them, of course. The herring-boats,
+after a considerable deal of what I concluded from the emphasis to be
+swearing in Welsh, in which, however, Captain Phillips, who was umpire,
+seemed to have decidedly the advantage in variety of terms and power of
+voice, were pronounced "ready," and started by gun-fire accordingly. A
+rare start they made of it. The great ambition of every man among them
+seemed to be to prevent the boats next in the line from starting at all.
+It was a general fouling-match, and the jabbering was terrific. At last,
+the two outside boats, having the advantage of a clear berth on one
+side, got away, and made a pretty race of it, followed by such of the
+rest as could by degrees extricate themselves from the mźlée.
+
+But now was to come our turn. Laden with all manner of good wishes, we
+hoisted a bit of dark-blue silk for the honour of Oxford, and spurted
+under the terrace to our starting-place. The only boat entered against
+us was the Dolphin, containing three stout gentlemen and a thin one,
+members of the B---- Cutter Club, who evidently looked upon pulling as
+no joke. Branling gave us a steady stroke, and Cotton of Baliol steered
+us admirably; the rest did as well as they could. The old boys had a
+very pretty boat--ours was a tub--but we beat them. They gave us a
+stern-chase for the first hundred yards, for I cut a crab at starting;
+but we had plenty of pluck, and came in winners by a length. Of course
+we were the favourites--the "Dolphins" were all but one married--and
+hearty were the congratulations with which we were greeted on landing.
+Clara Phillips's eyes had a most dangerous light in them, as she shook
+hands with our noble captain, who was in a terrible hurry, however, to
+get away, and hunting everywhere for "that d----d Dawson," who had
+promised to have Bill Thomas in readiness with "the lush." So I was
+compelled to stay with her and give an account of the race, which she
+perfectly understood, and be soundly scolded by the prettiest lips in
+the world for my awkwardness, which she declared she never could have
+forgiven if it had lost the race.
+
+"You will come to the ball, then, Mr Hawthorne?"
+
+"Am I not to dance with you?"
+
+"Yes, if you behave well, and don't tease Mr Sydney Dawson: he is a
+great favourite of mine, and took great care of me this morning at
+breakfast."
+
+"Well, then, for your sake, Miss Phillips, I will be particularly civil
+to him; but I assure you, Dawson is like the fox that took a pride in
+being hunted; he considers our persecution of him as the strongest
+evidence of his own superiority; and if you seriously undertake to
+patronise him, he will become positively unbearable."
+
+The regatta over, we retired to make a hurried dinner, and to dress
+for the ball. This, with some of our party, was a serious business.
+Willingham and Dawson were going in fancy dresses. The former was an
+admirable personification of Dick Turpin, standing upwards of six feet,
+and broadly built; and becoming his picturesque costume as if it were
+his everyday suit, he strutted before Mrs Jenkins's best glass, which
+Hanmer charitably gave up for his accommodation, with a pardonable
+vanity. Dawson had got a lancer's uniform from his London tailor; but
+how to get into it was a puzzle; it was delightful to see his attempts
+to unravel the gorgeous mysteries which were occupying every available
+spot in his dingy bedroom. The shako was the main stumbling-block.
+Being unfortunately rather small, it was no easy matter to keep it on
+his head at all; and how to dispose of the cap-lines was beyond our
+united wisdom. "Go without it, man," said Branling: "people don't want
+hats in a ball-room. You can never dance with that thing on your head."
+
+"Oh, but the head-dress is always worn at a fancy-ball, you know, and I
+can take it off if I like to dance."
+
+At last the idea struck us of employing the five or six yards of
+gold cord that had so puzzled us, in securing shako and plume in a
+perpendicular position. This at length accomplished, by dint of keeping
+himself scrupulously upright, Mr Sydney Dawson majestically walked down
+stairs.
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+Now, there happened to be at that time residing in Glyndewi an old lady,
+"of the name and cousinage" of Phillips, who, though an old maid, was
+one of those unhappily rare individuals who do not think it necessary to
+rail against those amusements which they are no longer in a situation to
+enjoy. She was neither as young, nor as rich, nor as light-hearted, as
+she had been; but it was difficult to imagine that she could ever have
+been more truly cheerful and happy than she seemed now. So, instead
+of cutting short every sally of youthful spirits, and every dream of
+youthful happiness, by sagacious hints of cares and troubles to come,
+she rather lent her aid to further every innocent enjoyment among her
+younger friends; feeling, as she said, that the only pity was that young
+hearts grew old so soon. The consequence was, that, instead of exacting
+a forced deference from her many nephews and nieces (so are first
+cousins' children called in Wales), she was really loved and esteemed
+by them all; and while she never wished to deprive them of an hour's
+enjoyment, they would willingly give up a pleasant party at any time to
+spend an evening with the old lady, and enliven her solitude with the
+sounds she best loved--the music of youthful voices.
+
+All among her acquaintance, therefore, who were going to the ball in
+fancy costume, had promised to call upon her, whether in or out of their
+way, to "show themselves," willing to make her a partaker, as far as
+they could, of the amusement of the evening. Captain Phillips had asked
+us if we would oblige him, and gratify a kind old woman, by allowing him
+to introduce us in our fancy dresses. I had none, and therefore did not
+form part of the exhibition; but Dick Turpin and the cornet of lancers,
+with Branling in a full hunting-costume (which always formed part of
+his travelling baggage), walked some fifty yards to the old lady's
+lodgings. Mr Plympton, always polite, accepted Captain Phillips's
+invitation to be introduced at the same time. Now Mr Plympton, as was
+before recorded, was a remarkably dapper personage; wore hair-powder, a
+formidably tall and stiff white "choker," and upon all occasions of
+ceremony, black shorts and silks, with gold buckles. Remarkably upright
+and somewhat pompous in his gait, and abominating the free-and-easy
+manners of the modern school, his bow would have graced the court of
+Versailles, and his step was a subdued minuet. Equipped with somewhat
+more than his wonted care, the rev. junior bursar of Oriel was
+introduced into Mrs Phillips's little drawing-room, accompanying, and
+strongly contrasting with, three gentlemen in scarlet and gold.
+Hurriedly did the good old lady seize her spectacles, and rising to
+receive her guests with a delighted curtsy, scan curiously for a
+few moments Turpin's athletic proportions, and the fox-hunter's
+close-fitting leathers and tops. As for Dawson, he stood like the
+clear-complexioned and magnificently-whiskered officer, who silently
+invites the stranger to enter the doors of Madame Tussaud's wax
+exhibition; not daring to bow for fear of losing his beloved shako, but
+turning his head from side to side as slowly, and far less naturally,
+than the waxen gentleman aforementioned. All, in their several ways,
+were worthy of admiration, and all did she seem to admire; but it
+was when her eye rested at last on the less showy, but equally
+characteristic figure in black, who stood bowing his acknowledgments of
+the honour of the interview, with an _empressement_ which fully made up
+for Dawson's forced _hauteur_--that her whole countenance glistened with
+intense appreciation of the joke, and the very spectacles danced with
+glee. Again did she make the stranger her most gracious curtsy; again
+did Mr Plympton, as strongly as a bow could do it, declare how entirely
+he was at her service: he essayed to speak, but before a word escaped
+his lips, the old lady fairly burst out into a hearty laugh, clapped her
+hands, and shouted to his astonished ears, "Capital, capital! do it
+again! oh, do it again!" For a moment the consternation depicted upon Mr
+Plympton's countenance at this remarkable reception, extended to the
+whole of his companions; but the extraordinary sounds which proceeded
+from Captain Phillips, in the vain attempt to stifle the laugh that
+was nearly choking him, were too much for the gravity of even the
+polite Mr Dawson; and it was amidst the violent application of
+pocket-handkerchiefs in all possible ways, that the captain stepped
+forward with the somewhat tardy announcement, "My dear aunt, allow me to
+present the Rev. Mr Plympton, Fellow and Tutor of Oriel College." This
+was accompanied by a wink and an attempt at a frown, intended to convey
+the strongest reprobation of the old lady's proceedings; but which, upon
+the features of the good captain, whose risible muscles were still
+rebellious, had anything but a serious effect. "Indeed!" said she,
+curtsying yet more profoundly in return for another bow. "How do you do,
+sir? Oh, he is beautiful, isn't he?" half-aside to Willingham, who was
+swallowing as much as he could of the butt of his whip. Poor Mr Plympton
+looked aghast at the compliment. Branling fairly turned his back, and
+burst from the room, nearly upsetting Hanmer and myself; who, having
+waited below some time for our party to join us, had made our way
+up-stairs to ascertain the cause of the unusual noises which reached us
+from the open door of the drawing-room. Dawson was shaking with reckless
+disregard of the safety of his head-dress, and the captain in an agony
+between his natural relish for a joke and his real good-breeding. "Aunt
+Martha, this is a clergyman, a friend of Mr Hanmer's, who is on a visit
+here, and whom I introduce to you, because I know you will like him." Mr
+Plympton commenced a fresh series of bows, in which there was, perhaps,
+less gallantry and more dignity than usual, looking all the time as
+comfortable as a gentleman might do who was debating with himself
+whether the probabilities, as regarded the old lady's next movements,
+lay on the side of kissing or scratching. Mrs Martha Phillips herself
+commenced an incoherent apology about "expecting to see four young
+gentlemen in fancy dresses;" and Hanmer and the captain tried all they
+could to laugh off a _contretemps_, which to explain was impossible.
+What the old lady took Mr Plympton for, and what Mr Plympton thought of
+her, were questions which, so far as I know, no one ventured to ask. He
+left Glyndewi the next morning; but the joke, after furnishing us with a
+never-failing fund of ludicrous reminiscence for the rest of our stay,
+followed him to the Oriel common-room, and was an era in the dulness of
+that respectable symposium.
+
+Dancing had begun in good earnest when we arrived at the ball-room.
+There was the usual motley assemblage of costumes of all nations under
+the sun, and some which the sun, when he put down the impudence of the
+wax-lights upon his return the next morning, must have marvelled to
+behold. Childish as it may be called, a fancy-ball is certainly, for the
+first half-hour at all events, an amusing scene. Willingham and myself
+stood a little inside the doorway for some moments, he enjoying the
+admiring glances which his fine figure and picturesque costume were well
+calculated to call forth, and I vainly endeavouring to make out Clara's
+figure amidst the gay dresses and well-grown proportions of the pretty
+Cambrians who flitted past. Sounds of expostulation and entreaty,
+mingled with a laugh which we knew to be Branling's, in the passage
+outside, disturbed both our meditations, and at last induced me to turn
+my eyes unwillingly to the open door. Branling was leaning against it
+in a fit of uncontrollable mirth, and beckoned us earnestly to join him.
+Outside stood Dawson, stamping with vexation, and endeavouring to undo
+the complex machinery which had hitherto secured his shako in an
+erect position. He was in the unfortunate predicament of Dr S----'s
+candelabrum, which, presented to him as a testimony of respect from his
+grateful pupils, was found by many feet too large to be introduced into
+any room in the Dr's comparatively humble habitation, and stood for some
+time in the manufacturer's show-room in testimony of the fact, that
+public acknowledgments of merit are _sometimes_ made on too large a
+scale. Architects who give measurements for ordinary doorways, do not
+contemplate such emergencies as testimonial candelabrums or irremovable
+caps and plumes; and the door of the Glyndewi ball-room had no notion of
+accommodating a lancer in full dress, who could not even be civil enough
+to take off his hat. So there stood our friend, impatient to display his
+uniform, and unwilling to lessen the effect of his first appearance by
+doffing so important a part of his costume: to get through the door,
+in the rigid inflexibility of head and neck which he had hitherto
+maintained, was a manifest impossibility. Branling had suggested his
+staying outside, and he would undertake to bring people to look at him;
+but Dawson, for some unaccountable reason, was usually suspicious of
+advice from that quarter; so he "stooped to conquer," and lost all. The
+shako tumbled from its precarious perch, and hung ignobly suspended by
+the cap-lines. A lancer with a pair of grey spectacles, and a shako
+hanging round his neck, would have been a very fancy dress indeed: so he
+was endeavouring, at the risk of choking himself, to disentangle, by
+main force, the complication of knots which we had woven with some dim
+hope of the result. In vain did we exhort him to take it patiently, and
+remind him how preposterous it was to expect, that what had taken our
+united ingenuity half an hour to arrange "to please him," could be
+undone in a minute. "Cut the cursed things, can't you?" implored he.
+No one had a knife. "I do believe, Branling, you are tying that knot
+tighter: I had much rather not have your assistance." Branling protested
+his innocence. At last we did release him, and he entered the room with
+a look most appropriately crest-fallen, shako in hand, solacing himself
+by displaying its glories as well as could be effected by judicious
+changes of its position.
+
+I soon found Clara, looking more radiantly beautiful than ever I had
+seen her, in a sweet dress of Stuart tartan. I had to make my apologies,
+which were most sincerely penitent ones, for not being in time to claim
+my privilege of dancing the first quadrille with her. She smiled at my
+evident earnestness, and good-humouredly added, that the next would be
+a much more pleasant dance, as the room was now beginning to fill. It
+was a pleasant dance, as she said; and the waltz that followed still
+more delightful; and then Clara, with a blush and a laugh, declined my
+pressing entreaties until after supper at all events. I refused her
+good-natured offer of an introduction to "that pretty girl in blue," or
+any other among the stars of the night; and sat down, or leant against
+the wall, almost unconsciously watching her light step, and sternly
+resisting all attempts on the part of my acquaintances to persuade me to
+dance again. Of course, all the dancing characters among our party were
+Clara's partners in succession; and both Gordon and Dawson, who came to
+ask what had put me into the sulks, were loud in their encomiums on her
+beauty and fascination; even Branling, no very devoted admirer of the
+sex (he saw too much of them, he said, having four presentable sisters),
+allowed that she was "the right sort of girl;" but it was not until I
+saw her stand up with Willingham, and marked his evident admiration of
+her, and heard the remarks freely made around me, that they were the
+handsomest couple in the room, that I felt a twinge of what I would
+hardly allow to myself was jealousy: when, however, after the dance,
+they passed me in laughing conversation, evidently in high good-humour
+with each other, and too much occupied to notice any one else, I
+began to wonder I had never before found out what a conceited puppy
+Willingham was, and set down poor Clara as an arrant flirt. But I was in
+a variable mood, it seemed, and a feather--or, what some may say is even
+lighter, a woman's word--was enough to turn me. So when I found myself,
+by some irresistible attraction, drawn next to her again at supper, and
+heard her sweet voice, and saw what I interpreted into a smile of
+welcome, as she made room for me beside her, I forgave her all past
+offences, and was perfectly happy for the next hour; nay, even
+condescended to challenge Willingham to a glass of _soi-disant_
+champagne. The Tiger, who was, according to annual custom, displaying
+the tarnished uniform of the 3d Madras N.I., and illustrating his
+tremendous stories of the siege of Overabad, or some such place, by
+attacks on all the edibles in his neighbourhood, gave me a look of
+intelligence as he requested I would "do him the honour," and shook his
+whiskers with some meaning which I did not think it necessary to inquire
+into. What was it to him if I chose to confine my attentions to my
+undoubtedly pretty neighbour? No one could dispute my taste, at all
+events; for Clara Phillips was a universal favourite, though I had
+remarked that none of the numerous "eligible young men" in the room
+appeared about her in the character of a dangler. She was engaged to
+Willingham for the waltz next after supper, and I felt queerish again,
+till she willingly agreed to dance the next set with me, on condition
+that I would oblige her so far as to ask a friend of hers to be my
+partner in the mean time. "She is a very nice girl, Mr Hawthorne,
+though, perhaps, not one of the _belles_ of the room, and has danced but
+twice this evening, and it will be so kind in you to ask her--only don't
+do it upon my introduction, but let Major Jones introduce you as if at
+your own request." Let no one say that vanity, jealousy, and all those
+petty arts by which woman wrongs her better nature, are the rank growth
+necessarily engendered by the vitiated air of a ball-room; rooted on the
+same soil, warmed by the same sunshine, fed by the same shower, one
+plant shall bear the antidote and one the poison: one kind and gentle
+nature shall find exercise for all its sweetest qualities in those very
+scenes which, in another, shall foster nothing but heartless coquetry or
+unfeminine display. Never did Clara seem so lovely in mind and person as
+when she drew upon her own attractions to give pleasure to her less
+gifted friend; and, I suppose, I must have thrown into the tone of my
+reply something of what I felt; for she blushed, uttered a hasty "I
+thank you," and told Willingham it was time to take their places. I
+sought and obtained the introduction, and endeavoured, for Clara's sake,
+to be an agreeable partner to the quiet little girl beside me. One
+subject of conversation, at all events, we hit upon, where we seemed
+both at home; and if I felt some hesitation in saying all I thought of
+Clara, my companion had none, but told me how much everybody loved her,
+and how much she deserved to be loved. It was really so much easier to
+draw my fair partner out on this point than any other, that I excused
+myself for being so eager a listener; and, when we parted, to show
+my gratitude in what I conceived the most agreeable way, I begged
+permission to introduce Mr Sydney Dawson, and thus provided her with
+what, I dare say, she considered a most enviable partner. I had told
+Dawson she was a very clever girl (he was fond of what he called
+"talented women," and had a delusive notion that he was himself a
+genius): he had the impertinence to tell me afterwards he found her
+rather stupid; I ought, perhaps, to have given him the key-note. During
+the dance which followed, I remember I was silent and _distrait_; and
+when it was over, and Clara told me she was positively engaged for more
+sets than she should dance again, I left the ball-room, and wandered
+feverishly along the quay to our lodgings. I remember persuading myself,
+by a syllogistic process, that I was not in love, and dreaming that I
+was anxiously reading the class-list, in which it seemed unaccountable
+that my name should be omitted, till I discovered, on a second perusal,
+that just about the centre of the first class, where "Hawthorne,
+Franciscus, e. Coll----" ought to have come in, stood in large type the
+name of "CLARA PHILLIPS."
+
+The races, which occupied the morning of the next day, were as stupid
+as country races usually are, except that the Welshmen had rather more
+noise about it. The guttural shouts and yells from the throats of
+tenants and other dependants, as the "mishtua's" horse won or lost, and
+the extraordinary terms in which they endeavoured to encourage the
+riders, were amusing even to a stranger, though one lost the point of
+the various sallies which kept the course in one continued roar. As to
+the running, everybody--that is, all the sporting world--knew perfectly
+well, long before the horses started, which was to win; that appearing
+to be the result of some private arrangement between the parties
+interested, while the "racing" was for the benefit of the strangers and
+the ladies. Those of the latter who had fathers, or brothers, or, above
+all, lovers, among the knowing ones, won divers pairs of gloves on the
+occasion, while those who were not so fortunate, lost them.
+
+I fancied that Clara was not in her usual spirits on the race-course,
+and she pleaded a headache as an excuse to her sister for ordering the
+carriage to drive home long before the "sport" was over. If I had
+thought the said sport stupid before, it did not improve in attraction
+after her departure; and, when the jumping in sacks, and climbing up
+poles, and other calisthenic exercises began, feeling a growing disgust
+for "things in general," I resisted the invitation of a mamma and three
+daughters, to join themselves and Mr Dawson in masticating some
+sandwiches which looked very much like "relics of joy" from last night's
+supper, and sauntered home, and sat an hour over a cigar and a chapter
+of ethics. As the clock struck five, remembering that the Ordinary hour
+was six, I called at the Phillips' lodgings to inquire for Clara. She
+was out walking with her sister; so I returned to dress in a placid
+frame of mind, confident that I should meet her at dinner.
+
+For it was an Ordinary for ladies as well as gentlemen. A jovial Welsh
+baronet sat at the head of the table, with the two ladies of highest
+"consideration"--the county member's wife and the would-have-been
+member's daughter--on his right and left; nobody thought of politics at
+the Glyndewi regatta. Clara was there; but she was escorted into the
+room by some odious man, who, in virtue of having been made high-sheriff
+by mistake, sat next Miss Anti-reform on the chairman's left. The
+natives were civil enough to marshal us pretty high up by right of
+strangership, but still I was barely near enough to drink wine with her.
+
+If a man wants a good dinner, a hearty laugh, an opportunity of singing
+songs and speech-making, and can put up with indifferent wine, let him
+go to the race Ordinary at Glyndewi next year, if it still be among the
+things which time has spared. There was nothing like stiffness or
+formality: people came there for amusement, and they knew that the only
+way to get it was to make it for themselves. There seemed to be fun
+enough for half-a-dozen of the common run of such dinners, even while
+the ladies remained. It was, as Hanmer called it, an _extra_-ordinary.
+But it was when the ladies had retired, and Hanmer and a few of the
+"steady ones" had followed them, and those who remained closed up around
+the chairman, and cigars and genuine whisky began to supersede the
+questionable port and sherry, and the "Vice" requested permission to
+call on a gentleman for a song, that we began to fancy ourselves within
+the walls of some hitherto unknown college, where the "levelling system"
+had mixed up fellows and undergraduates in one common supper-party, and
+the portly principal himself rejoiced in the office of "_arbiter
+bibendi_." Shall I confess it? I forgot even Clara in the uproarious
+mirth that followed. Two of the young Phillipses were admirable singers,
+and drew forth the hearty applause of the whole company. We got Dawson
+to make a speech, in which he waxed poetical touching the "flowers of
+Cambria," and drew down thunders of applause by a Latin quotation, which
+every one took that means of showing that they understood. I obtained
+almost unconsciously an immortal reputation by a species of flattery
+to which the Welsh are most open. I had learnt, after no little
+application, a Welsh toast--a happy specimen of the language; it was but
+three words, but they were truly cabalistic. No sooner had I, after a
+"neat and appropriate" preface, uttered my triple Shibboleth (it ended
+in _rag_, and signified "Wales, Welshmen, and Welshwomen"), than the
+whole party rose, and cheered at me till I felt positively modest. My
+pronunciation, I believe, was perfect, (a woman's lips and an angel's
+voice had taught it to me): and it was indeed the Open Sesame to their
+hearts and feelings. I became at once the intimate friend of all who
+could get near enough to offer me their houses, their horses, their
+dogs--I have no doubt, had I given a hint at the moment, I might have
+had any one of their daughters. "Would I come and pay a visit at
+Abergwrnant before I left the neighbourhood? Only twenty-five miles,
+and a coach from B----!" "Would I, before the shooting began, come to
+Craig-y-bwldrwn, and stay over the first fortnight in September?" I
+could have quartered myself, and two or three friends, in a dozen places
+for a month at a time. And, let me do justice to the warm hospitality of
+North Wales--these invitations were renewed in the morning: and were I
+ever to visit those shores again, I should have no fear of their having
+been yet forgotten.
+
+Captain Phillips had told us that, when we left the table, "the girls"
+would have some coffee for us, if not too late; and Willingham and
+myself, having taken a turn or two in the moonlight to get rid of the
+excitement of the evening, bent our steps in that direction. There were
+about as many persons assembled as the little drawing-room would hold,
+and Clara, having forgotten her headache, and looking as lovely as ever,
+was seated at a wretched piano, endeavouring to accompany herself in
+her favourite songs. Willingham and myself stood by, and our repeated
+requests for some of those melodies which, unknown to us before, we had
+learnt from her singing to admire beyond all the fashionable trash of
+the day, were gratified with untiring good-nature. Somehow I thought
+that she avoided my eye, and answered my remarks with less than her
+usual archness and vivacity. I could bear it on this evening less than
+ever; a hair will turn the scale; and I had just been, half ludicrously,
+half seriously, affected by Welsh nationality. One cannot help warming
+towards a community which are so warm-hearted among themselves. Visions
+of I know not what--love and a living, Clara and a cottage--were
+floating dreamlike before my eyes; and I felt as if borne along by a
+current whose direction might be dangerous, but which it was misery to
+resist. Willingham had turned away a minute to hunt for some missing
+book, which contained one of his favourites; and, leaning over her with
+my finger pointing to the words which she had just been singing, I said
+something about there being always a fear in happiness such as I had
+lately been enjoying, lest it might not last. For a moment she met my
+earnest look, and coloured violently; and then fixing her eyes on the
+music before her, she said quickly, "Mr Hawthorne, I thought you had a
+higher opinion of me than to make me pretty speeches; I have a great
+dislike to them." I began to protest warmly against any intention of
+mere compliment, when the return of Willingham with his song prevented
+any renewal of the subject. I was annoyed and silent, and detected a
+tremor in her voice while she sang the words, and saw her cheek paler
+than usual. The instant the song was over, she complained with a smile
+of being tired, and, without a look at either of us, joined a party who
+were noisily recounting the events of the race-course. Nor could I again
+that evening obtain a moment's conversation with her. She spoke to me,
+indeed, and very kindly; but once only did I catch her eye, when I was
+speaking to some one else--the glance was rapidly withdrawn, but it
+seemed rather sorrowful than cold.
+
+I was busy with Hanmer the next morning before breakfast, when Dick
+Phillips made his appearance, and informed us that the "strangers" had
+made up an eleven for the cricket match, and that we were to play at
+ten. He was a sort of live circular, despatched to get all parties in
+readiness.
+
+"Oh! I have something for you from Clara," said he to me, as he was
+leaving; "the words of a song she promised you, I believe."
+
+I opened the sealed envelope, saw that it was _not_ a song, and left
+Hanmer somewhat abruptly. When I was alone, I read the following:--
+
+     "DEAR MR HAWTHORNE,--Possibly you may have been told that I
+     have, before now, done things which people call strange--that
+     is, contrary to some arbitrary notions which are to supersede
+     our natural sense of right and wrong. But never, until now, did
+     I follow the dictates of my own feelings in opposition to
+     conventional rules, with the painful uncertainty as to the
+     propriety of such a course, which I now feel. And if I had less
+     confidence than I have in your honour and your kindness, or
+     less esteem for your character, or less anxiety for your
+     happiness, I would not write to you now. But I feel that, if
+     you are what I wish to believe you, it is right that you should
+     be at once undeceived as to my position. Others should have
+     done it, perhaps--it would have spared me much. Whether your
+     attentions to me are in sport or earnest, they must cease. I
+     have no right to listen to such words as yours last night--my
+     heart and hand are engaged to one who deserves better from
+     me than the levity which alone could have placed me in the
+     position from which I thus painfully extricate myself. For any
+     fault on my part, I thus make bitter atonement. I wish you
+     health and happiness, and now let this save us both from
+     further misunderstanding.
+
+                         "C."
+
+Again and again did I read these words. Not one woman in a hundred
+would have ventured on such a step. And for what? to save me from the
+mortification of a rejection? It could be nothing else. How easy for
+a man of heartless gallantry to have written a cool note in reply,
+disclaiming "any aspiration after the honour implied," and placing the
+warm-hearted writer in the predicament of having declined attentions
+never meant to be serious! But I felt how kindly, how gently, I had been
+treated--the worst of it was, I loved her better than ever. I wrote
+some incoherent words in reply, sufficiently expressive of my bitter
+disappointment, and my admiration of her conduct; and then I felt
+"that my occupation was gone." She whom I had so loved to look upon, I
+trembled now to see. I had no mind to break my heart; but I felt that
+time and change were necessary to prevent it. Above all, Glyndewi was no
+place for me to forget _her_ in.
+
+In the midst of my painful reflections on all the happy hours of the
+past week, Gordon and Willingham broke in upon me with high matter for
+consultation relative to the match. In vain did I plead sudden illness,
+and inability to play: they declared it would knock the whole thing on
+the head, for Hanmer would be sure to turn sulky, and there was an end
+of the eleven; and they looked so really chagrined at my continued
+refusals, that at length I conquered my selfishness (I had had a lesson
+in that), and, though really feeling indisposed for any exertion, went
+down with them to the ground. I was in momentary dread of seeing Clara
+arrive (for all the world was to be there), and felt nervous and
+low-spirited. The strangers' eleven was a better one than we expected,
+and they put our men out pretty fast. Hanmer got most unfortunately run
+out after a splendid hit, and begged me to go in and "do something," I
+took my place mechanically, and lost my wicket to the first ball. We
+made a wretched score, and the strangers went in exultingly. In spite of
+Hanmer's steady bowling, they got runs pretty fast; and an easy catch
+came into my hands just as Clara appeared on the ground, and I lost all
+consciousness of what I was about. Again the same opportunity offered,
+and again my eyes were wandering among the tents. Hanmer got annoyed,
+and said something not over civil: I was vexed myself that my
+carelessness should be the cause of disappointment twice, and yet more
+than half-inclined to quarrel with Branling, whom I overheard muttering
+about my "cursed awkwardness." We were left in a fearful minority at
+the close of the first innings, when we retired to dinner. The Glyndewi
+party and their friends were evidently disappointed. I tried to avoid
+Clara; but could not keep far from her. At last she came up with one of
+her brothers, spoke and shook hands with me, said that her brother had
+told her I was not well, and that she feared I ought not to have played
+at all. "I wish you could have beat them, Mr Hawthorne--I had bet that
+you would; perhaps you will feel better after dinner; those kind of
+headaches soon wear off," she added with a smile and a kind look, which
+I understood as she meant it. I walked into the tent where we were to
+dine: I sat next a little man on the opposite side, an Englishman, one
+of their best players, as active as a monkey, who had caught out three
+of our men in succession. He talked big about his play, criticised
+Willingham's batting, which was really pretty, and ended by discussing
+Clara Phillips, who was, he said, "a demned fine girl, but too much of
+her." I disliked his flippancy before, but now my disgust to him was
+supreme. I asked the odds against us, and took them freely. There was
+champagne before me, and I drank it in tumblers. I did what even in my
+undergraduate days was rarely my habit--I drank till I was considerably
+excited. Hanmer saw it, and got the match resumed at once to save me, as
+he afterwards said, "from making a fool of myself." I insisted, in
+spite of his advice, "to cool myself," upon going in first. My flippant
+acquaintance of the dinner-table stood _point_, and I knew, if I could
+but see the ball, and not see more than one, that I could occasionally
+"hit square" to some purpose. I had the luck to catch the first ball
+just on the rise, and it cut my friend _point_ off his legs as if he had
+been shot. He limped off the ground, and we were troubled with him no
+more. I hit as I never did before, or shall again. At first I played
+wild, but as I got cool, and my sight became steady, I felt quite at
+home. The bowlers got tired, and Dick Phillips, who had no science, but
+the strength of a unicorn, was in with me half-an-hour, slashing in all
+directions. In short, the tide turned, and the match ended in our
+favour.
+
+I was quite sober, and free from all excitement, when I joined Clara,
+for the last time, after the game was over. "I am so glad you played so
+well," said she; "if you are but as successful at Oxford as you have
+been at the boat-race and the cricket, you will have no reason to be
+disappointed: your career here has been one course of victory." "Not
+altogether, Miss Phillips: the prize I shall leave behind me when I
+quit Glyndewi to-morrow, is worth more than all that I can gain." "Mr
+Hawthorne," said she kindly, "one victory is in your own power, and you
+will soon gain it, and be happy--the victory over yourself."
+
+I made some excuse to Hanmer about letters from home, to account for my
+sudden departure. How the party got on after I left them, and what was
+the final result of our "reading," is no part of my tale; but I fear the
+reader will search the class-lists of 18-- in vain for the names of Mr
+Hanmer's pupils.
+
+
+
+
+ FATHER TOM AND THE POPE;
+ OR, A NIGHT AT THE VATICAN.
+
+     _As related by Mr Michael Heffernan, Master of the National
+     School at Tallymactaggart, in the County of Leitrim, to a
+     friend, during his official visit to Dublin, for the purpose of
+     studying Political Economy, in the Spring of 1838._
+
+[_MAGA._ MAY 1838.]
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+HOW FATHER TOM WENT TO TAKE POT-LUCK AT THE VATICAN.
+
+When his Riv'rence was in Room, ov coorse the Pope axed him to take
+pot-look wid him. More be token, it was on a Friday; but, for all that,
+there was plenty of mate; for the Pope gev himself an absolution from
+the fast on account ov the great company that was in it--at laste so I'm
+tould. Howandiver, there's no fast on the dhrink, anyhow--glory be to
+God!--and so, as they wor sitting, afther dinner, taking their sup
+together, says the Pope, says he, "Thomaus"--for the Pope, you know,
+spakes that away, all as one as one ov uz--"Thomaus _a lanna_," says he,
+"I'm tould you welt them English heretics out ov the face."
+
+"You may say that," says his Riv'rence to him again. "Be my sowl," says
+he, "if I put your Holiness undher the table, you won't be the first
+Pope I floored."
+
+Well, his Holiness laughed like to split; for, you know, Pope was
+the great Prodesan that Father Tom put down upon Purgathory; and ov
+coorse they knewn all the ins and outs of the conthravarsy at Room.
+"Faix, Thomaus," says he, smiling across the table at him mighty
+agreeable--"it's no lie what they tell me, that yourself is the pleasant
+man over the dhrop ov good liquor."
+
+"Would you like to thry?" says his Riv'rence.
+
+"Sure, and amn't I thrying all I can?" says the Pope. "Sorra betther
+bottle ov wine's betuxt this and Salamancha, nor's there fornenst you on
+the table; it's raal Lachrymalchrystal, every spudh ov it."
+
+"It's mortial could," says Father Tom.
+
+"Well, man alive," says the Pope, "sure and here's the best ov good
+claret in the cut decanther."
+
+"Not maning to make little ov the claret, your Holiness," says his
+Riv'rence, "I would prefir some hot wather and sugar, wid a glass ov
+spirits through it, if convanient."
+
+"Hand me over the bottle of brandy," says the Pope to his head butler,
+"and fetch up the materi'ls," says he.
+
+"Ah, then, your Holiness," says his Riv'rence, mighty eager, "maybe
+you'd have a dhrop ov the native in your cellar? Sure it's all one
+throuble," says he, "and, troth, I dunna how it is, but brandy always
+plays the puck wid my inthrails."
+
+"'Pon my conscience, then," says the Pope, "it's very sorry I am,
+Misther Maguire," says he, "that it isn't in my power to plase you; for
+I'm sure and certaint that there's not as much whisky in Room this
+blessed minit as 'ud blind the eye ov a midge."
+
+"Well, in troth, your Holiness," says Father Tom, "I knewn there was no
+use in axing; only," says he, "I didn't know how else to exqueeze the
+liberty I tuck," says he, "of bringing a small taste," says he, "of the
+real stuff," says he, hauling out an imperi'l quart bottle out ov his
+coat-pocket; "that never seen the face of a gauger," says he, setting it
+down on the table fornenst the Pope: "and if you'll jist thry the full
+ov a thimble ov it, and it doesn't rise the cockles of your Holiness's
+heart, why then, my name," says he, "isn't Tom Maguire!" and wid that he
+outs wid the cork.
+
+Well, the Pope at first was going to get vexed at Father Tom for
+fetching dhrink that a way in his pocket, as if there wasn't lashins in
+the house: so says he, "Misther Maguire," says he, "I'd have you to
+comprehind the differ betuxt an inwitation to dinner from the succissor
+of Saint Pether, and from a common nagur ov a Prodesan squireen that
+maybe hasn't liquor enough in his cupboard to wet more nor his own
+heretical whistle. That may be the way wid them that you wisit in
+Leithrim," says he, "and in Roscommon; and I'd let you know the differ
+in the prisint case," says he, "only that you're a champion ov the
+Church and entitled to laniency. So," says he, "as the liquor's come,
+let it stay. And in throth I'm curis myself," says he, getting mighty
+soft when he found the delightful smell ov the _putteen_, "in
+inwestigating the composition ov distilled liquors; it's a branch ov
+natural philosophy," says he, taking up the bottle and putting it to his
+blessed nose. Ah! my dear, the very first snuff he got ov it, he cried
+out, the dear man, "Blessed Vargin, but it has the divine smell!" and
+crossed himself and the bottle half-a-dozen times running.
+
+"Well, sure enough, it's the blessed liquor now," says his Riv'rence,
+"and so there can be no harm any way in mixing a dandy of punch; and,"
+says he, stirring up the materi'ls wid his goolden muddler--for
+everything at the Pope's table, to the very shcrew for drawing the
+corks, was ov vargin goold--"if I might make bould," says he, "to spake
+on so deep a subjec afore your Holiness, I think it 'ud considherably
+whacilitate the inwestigation ov its chemisthry and phwarmaceutics, if
+you'd jist thry the laste sup in life ov it in wardly."
+
+"Well, then, suppose I do make the same expiriment," says the Pope, in a
+much more condescinding way nor you'd have expected--and wid that he
+mixes himself a real stiff facer.
+
+"Now, your Holiness," says Father Tom, "this bein' the first time you
+ever dispinsed them chymicals," says he, "I'll just make bould to lay
+down one rule ov orthography," says he, "for conwhounding them,
+_secundum mortem_."
+
+"What's that?" says the Pope.
+
+"Put in the sperits first," says his Riv'rence; "and then put in the
+sugar; and remember, every dhrop ov wather you put in after that spoils
+the punch."
+
+"Glory be to God!" says the Pope, not minding a word Father Tom was
+saying. "Glory be to God!" says he, smacking his lips. "I never knewn
+what dhrink was afore," says he. "It bates the Lachrymalchrystal out ov
+the face!" says he--"it's Necthar itself, it is, so it is!" says he,
+wiping his epistolical mouth wid the cuff ov his coat.
+
+"'Pon my secret honour," says his Riv'rence, "I'm raally glad to see
+your Holiness set so much to your satiswhaction; especially," says he,
+"as, for fear ov accidents, I tuck the liberty of fetching the fellow ov
+that small vesshel," says he, "in my other coat-pocket. So devil a fear
+ov our running dhry till the but-end of the evening, anyhow," says he.
+
+"Dhraw your stool in to the fire, Misther Maguire," says the Pope, "for
+faix," says he, "I'm bent on analizing the metaphwysics ov this
+phinomenon. Come, man alive, clear off," says he, "you're not dhrinking
+at all."
+
+"Is it dhrink?" says his Riv'rence; "by Gorra, your Holiness," says he,
+"I'd dhrink wid you till the cows 'ud be coming home in the morning."
+
+So wid that they tackled to, to the second fugee a-piece, and fell into
+larned discourse. But it's time for me now to be off to the lecthir at
+the Boord. Oh my sorra light upon you, Docther Whateley, wid your
+pilitical econimy and your hydherastatics! What the _dioul_ use has a
+poor hedge-master like me wid sich deep larning as is only fit for the
+likes ov them two that I left over their second tumbler? Howandiver,
+wishing I was like them, in regard ov the sup ov dhrink, anyhow, I must
+brake off my norration for the prisint; but when I see you again, I'll
+tell you how Father Tom made a hare ov the Pope that evening, both in
+theology and the cube root.
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+ HOW FATHER TOM SACKED HIS HOLINESS IN THEOLOGY
+ AND LOGIC.
+
+Well, the lecthir's over, and I'm kilt out and out. My bitther curse
+upon the man that invinted the same Boord! I thought ons't I'd fadomed
+the say ov throuble; and that was when I got through fractions at ould
+Mat Kavanagh's school, in Firdramore--God be good to poor Mat's sowl,
+though he did deny the cause the day he suffered! but it's fluxions
+itself we're set to bottom now, sink or shwim! May I never die if my
+head isn't as throughother as anything wid their ordinals and
+cardinals--and, begob, it's all nothing to the econimy lecthir that I
+have to go to at two o'clock. Howandiver, I mustn't forget that we left
+his Riv'rence and his Holiness sitting fornenst one another in the
+parlor ov the Vatican, jist afther mixing their second tumbler.
+
+When they had got well down into the same, they fell, as I was telling
+you, into larned discourse. For, you see, the Pope was curious to find
+out whether Father Tom was the great theologian all out that people
+said; and says he, "Mister Maguire," says he, "What answer do you make
+to the heretics when they quote them passidges agin thransubstantiation
+out ov the Fathers?" says he.
+
+"Why," says his Riv'rence, "as there should be no sich passidges I make
+myself mighty aisy about them; but if you want to know how I dispose ov
+them," says he, "just repate one ov them, and I'll show you how to
+catapomphericate it in two shakes."
+
+"Why, then," says the Pope, "myself disremimbers the particlar passidges
+they alledge out ov them ould felleys," says he, "though sure enough
+they're more numerous nor edifying--so we'll jist suppose that a heretic
+was to find sich a saying as this in Austin, 'Every sensible man knows
+that thransubstantiation is a lie,'--or this out of Tertullian or
+Plutarch, 'the bishop ov Room is a common imposther,'--now tell me,
+could you answer him?"
+
+"As easy as kiss," says his Riv'rence. "In the first, we're to
+understand that the exprission, 'Every sinsible man,' signifies simply,
+'Every man that judges by his nath'ral sinses;' and we all know that
+nobody folleying them seven deludhers could ever find out the mysthery
+that's in it, if somebody didn't come in to his assistance wid an eighth
+sinse, which is the only sinse to be depended on, being the sinse ov the
+Church. So that, regarding the first quotation which your Holiness has
+supposed, it makes clane for us, and tee-totally agin the heretics."
+
+"That's the explanation sure enough," says his Holiness; "and now what
+div you say to my being a common imposther?"
+
+"Faix, I think," says his Riv'rence, "wid all submission to the betther
+judgment ov the learned father that your Holiness has quoted, he'd have
+been a thrifle nearer the thruth, if he had said that the bishop ov Room
+is the grand imposther and top-sawyer in that line over us all."
+
+"What do you mane?" says the Pope, getting quite red in the face.
+
+"What would I mane," says his Riv'rence, as composed as a docther ov
+physic, "but that your Holiness is at the head ov all them--troth I had
+a'most forgot I wasn't a bishop myself," says he (the deludher was going
+to say, as the head of all _uz_)--"that has the gift ov laying on hands.
+For sure," says he, "imposther and _imposithir_ is all one, so you're
+only to undherstand _manuum_, and the job is done. Awouich!" says he,
+"if any heretic 'ud go for to cast up sich a passidge as that agin me,
+I'd soon give him a lesson in the p'lite art ov cutting a stick to welt
+his own back wid."
+
+"'Pon my apostolical word," says the Pope, "you've cleared up them two
+pints in a most satiswhacthery manner."
+
+"You see," says his Riv'rence--by this time they wor mixing their third
+tumbler--"the writings ov them Fathers is to be thrated wid great
+veneration; and it 'ud be the height ov presumption in any one to sit
+down to interpret them widout providing himself wid a genteel assortment
+ov the best figures ov rhetoric, sich as mettonymy, hyperbol,
+cattychraysis, prolipsis, mettylipsis, superbaton, pollysyndreton,
+hustheronprotheron, prosodypeia and the like, in ordher that he may
+never be at a loss for shuitable sintiments when he comes to their
+high-flown passidges. For unless we thrate them Fathers liberally to a
+handsome allowance ov thropes and figures, they'd set up heresy at
+ons't, so they would."
+
+"It's thrue for you," says the Pope; "the figures ov spache is the
+pillars ov the Church."
+
+"Bedad," says his Riv'rence, "I dunna what we'd do widout them at all."
+
+"Which one do you prefir?" says the Pope; "that is," says he, "which
+figure of spache do you find most usefullest when you're hard set?"
+
+"Metaphour's very good," says his Riv'rence, "and so's mettonymy--and
+I've known prosodypeia stand to me at a pinch mighty well--but for a
+constancy, superbaton's the figure for my money. Devil be in me," says
+he, "but I'd prove black white as fast as a horse 'ud throt wid only a
+good stock ov superbaton."
+
+"Faix," says the Pope, wid a sly look, "you'd need to have it backed, I
+judge, wid a small taste of assurance."
+
+"Well now, jist for that word," says his Riv'rence, "I'll prove it
+widout aither one or other. Black," says he, "is one thing and white is
+another thing. You don't conthravene that? But every thing is aither one
+thing or another thing; I defy the apostle Paul to get over that
+dilemma. Well! If any thing be one thing, well and good; but if it be
+another thing, then it's plain it isn't both things, and so can't be two
+things--nobody can deny that. But what can't be two things must be one
+thing,--_Ergo_, whether it's one thing or another thing it's all one.
+But black is one thing and white is another thing,--_Ergo_, black and
+white is all one. _Quod erat demonsthrandum._"
+
+"Stop a bit," says the Pope, "I can't althegither give in to your second
+minor--no--your second major," says he, and he stopped. "Faix, then,"
+says he, getting confused, "I don't rightly remimber where it was
+exactly that I thought I seen the flaw in your premises. Howsomdiver,"
+says he, "I don't deny that it's a good conclusion, and one that 'ud be
+ov materi'l service to the Church if it was dhrawn wid a little more
+distinctiveness."
+
+"I'll make it as plain as the nose on your Holiness's face, by
+superbaton," says his Riv'rence. "My adversary says, black is not
+another colour, that is, white? Now that's jist a parallel passidge wid
+the one out ov Tartullian that me and Hayes smashed the heretics on in
+Clarendon Sthreet, 'This is my body--that is, the figure ov my body.'
+That's a superbaton, and we showed that it oughtn't to be read that way
+at all, but this way, 'This figure of my body _is_ my body.' Jist so wid
+my adversary's proposition, it mustn't be undherstood the way it reads,
+by no manner of manes; but it's to be taken this way,--'Black--that is,
+white, is not another colour,'--green, if you like, or orange, by dad,
+for anything I care, for my case is proved. 'Black,' that is, 'white,'
+lave out the 'that,' by sinnalayphy, and you have the orthodox
+conclusion, 'Black is white,' or by convarsion, 'White is black.'"
+
+"It's as clear as mud," says the Pope.
+
+"Begad," says his Riv'rence, "I'm in great humour for disputin'
+to-night. I wisht your Holiness was a heretic jist for two minutes,"
+says he, "till you'd see the flaking I'd give you!"
+
+"Well then, for the fun o' the thing, suppose me my namesake, if you
+like," says the Pope, laughing, "though, by Jayminy," says he, "he's not
+one that I take much pride out ov."
+
+"Very good--devil a betther joke ever I had," says his Riv'rence. "Come,
+then, Misther Pope," says he, "hould up that purty face ov yours, and
+answer me this question. Which 'ud be the biggest lie, if I said I seen
+a turkey-cock lying on the broad ov his back, and picking the stars out
+ov the sky, or if I was to say that I seen a gandher in the same
+intherestin' posture, raycreating himself wid similar asthronomical
+experiments? Answer me that, you ould swaddler?" says he.
+
+"How durst you call me a swaddler, sir?" says the Pope, forgetting, the
+dear man, the part that he was acting.
+
+"Don't think for to bully me!" says his Riv'rence, "I always daar to
+spake the truth, and it's well known that you're nothing but a swaddling
+ould sinner ov a saint," says he, never letting on to persave that his
+Holiness had forgot what they were agreed on.
+
+"By all that's good," says the Pope, "I often hard ov the imperance ov
+you Irish afore," says he, "but I never expected to be called a saint in
+my own house either by Irishman or Hottentot. I'll till you what,
+Misther Maguire," says he, "if you can't keep a civil tongue in your
+head, you had betther be walking off wid yourself; for I beg lave to
+give you to undherstand, that it won't be for the good ov your health if
+you call me by sich an outprobrious epithet again," says he.
+
+"Oh, indeed! then things is come to a purty pass," says his Riv'rence
+(the dear funny soul that he ever was!) "when the likes of you compares
+one of the Maguires ov Tempo wid a wild Ingine! Why, man alive, the
+Maguires was kings ov Fermanagh three thousand years afore your
+grandfather, that was the first ov your breed that ever wore shoes and
+stockings" (I'm bound to say, in justice to the poor Prodesan, that this
+was all spoken by his Riv'rence by way of a figure ov spache), "was sint
+his Majesty's arrand to cultivate the friendship of Prince Lee Boo in
+Botteney Bay! Oh Bryan dear," says he, letting on to cry, "if you were
+alive to hear a _boddagh Sassenagh_ like this casting up his counthry to
+one ov the name ov Maguire!"
+
+"In the name ov God," says the Pope, very solemniously, "what _is_ the
+maning ov all this at all at all?" says he.
+
+"Sure," says his Riv'rence, whispering to him across the table, "sure
+you know we're acting a conthravarsy, and you tuck the part ov the
+Prodesan champion. You wouldn't be angry wid me, I'm sure, for sarving
+out the heretic to the best ov my ability."
+
+"Oh begad, I had forgot," says the Pope, the good-natured ould crethur;
+"sure enough you were only taking your part, as a good Milesian Catholic
+ought, agin the heretic Sassenagh. Well," says he, "fire away now, and
+I'll put up wid as many conthroversial compliments as you plase to pay
+me."
+
+"Well, then, answer me my question, you santimonious ould dandy," says
+his Riv'rence.
+
+"In troth, then," says the Pope, "I dunna which 'ud be the biggest lie:
+to my mind," says he, "the one appears to be about as big a bounce as
+the other."
+
+"Why, then, you poor simpleton," says his Riv'rence, "don't you persave
+that, forbye the advantage the gandher 'ud have in the length ov his
+neck, it 'ud be next to onpossible for the turkey-cock lying thataway
+to see what he was about, by rason ov his djollars and other
+accouthrements hanging back over his eyes? The one about as big a bounce
+as the other! Oh, you misfortunate crethur! if you had ever larned your
+A B C in theology, you'd have known that there's a differ betuxt them
+two lies so great, that, begad, I wouldn't wondher if it 'ud make a
+balance ov five years in purgathory to the sowl that 'ud be in it. Ay,
+and if it wasn't that the Church is too liberal entirely, so she is, it
+'ud cost his heirs and succissors betther nor ten pounds to have him out
+as soon as the other. Get along, man, and take half-a-year at dogmatical
+theology: go and read your Dens, you poor dunce, you!"
+
+"Raally," says the Pope, "you're making the heretic's shoes too hot to
+hould me. I wondher how the Prodesans can stand afore you at all."
+
+"Don't think to delude me," says his Riv'rence, "don't think to back out
+ov your challenge now," says he, "but come to the scratch like a man, if
+you are a man, and answer me my question. What's the rason, now, that
+Julius Cęsar and the Vargin Mary was born upon the one day?--answer me
+that, if you wouldn't be hissed off the platform?"
+
+Well, my dear, the Pope couldn't answer it, and he had to acknowledge
+himself sacked. Then he axed his Riv'rence to tell him the rason
+himself; and Father Tom communicated it to him in Latin. But as that is
+a very deep question, I never hard what the answer was, except that I'm
+tould it was so mysterious, it made the Pope's hair stand on end.
+
+But there's two o'clock, and I'll be late for the lecthir.
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+HOW FATHER TOM MADE A HARE OF HIS HOLINESS IN LATIN.
+
+Oh, Docther Whateley, Docther Whateley, I'm sure I'll never die another
+death if I don't die aither of consumption or production! I ever and
+always thought that asthronomy was the hardest science that was till
+now--and it's no lie I'm telling you, the same asthronomy is a tough
+enough morsel to brake a man's fast upon--and geolidgy is middling and
+hard too--and hydherastatics is no joke; but ov all the books of science
+that ever was opened and shut, that book upon Pilitical Econimy lifts
+the pins! Well, well, if they wait till they persuade me that taking a
+man's rints out ov the counthry, and spinding them in forrain parts
+isn't doing us out ov the same, they'll wait a long time in troth. But
+you're waiting, I see, to hear how his Riv'rence and his Holiness got on
+after finishing the disputation I was telling you of. Well, you see, my
+dear, when the Pope found he couldn't hold a candle to Father Tom in
+theology and logic, he thought he'd take the shine out ov him in Latin
+anyhow, so says he, "Misther Maguire," says he, "I quite agree wid you
+that it's not lucky for us to be spaking on them deep subjects in sich
+langidges as the evil spirits is acquainted wid; and," says he, "I think
+it 'ud be no harm for us to spake from this out in Latin," says he, "for
+fraid the devil 'ud undherstand what we are saying."
+
+"Not a hair I care," says Father Tom, "whether he undherstands what
+we're saying or not, as long as we keep off that last pint we wor
+discussing, and one or two others. Listners never heard good ov
+themselves," says he; "and if Belzhebub takes anything amiss that aither
+you or me says in regard ov himself or his faction, let him stand forrid
+like a man, and, never fear, I'll give him his answer. Howandiver, if
+it's for a taste ov classic conwersation you are, just to put us in mind
+ov ould Cordarius," says he, "here's at you;" and wid that he lets fly
+at his Holiness wid his health in Latin.
+
+"Vesthrę Sanctitatis salutem volo!" says he.
+
+"Vesthrę Revirintię salubritati bibo!" says the Pope to him again
+(haith, it's no joke, I tell you, to remimber sich a power ov larning).
+"Here's to you wid the same," says the Pope, in the raal Ciceronian.
+"Nunc poculum alterhum imple," says he.
+
+"Cum omni jucunditate in vita," says his Riv'rence. "Cum summā
+concupiscintiā et animositate," says he; as much as to say, "Wid all the
+veins ov my heart, I'll do that same;" and so wid that, they mixed their
+fourth gun a-piece.
+
+"Aqua vitę vesthra sane est liquor admirabilis," says the Pope.
+
+"Verum est pro te,--it's thrue for you," says his Riv'rence, forgetting
+the idyim ov the Latin phwraseology, in a manner.
+
+"Prava est tua Latinitas, domine," says the Pope, finding fault like wid
+his etymology.
+
+"Parva culpa mihi," "small blame to me, that is," says his Riv'rence;
+"nam multum laboro in partibus interioribus," says he--the dear man!
+that never was at a loss for an excuse!
+
+"Quid tibi incommodi?" says the Pope, axing him what ailed him.
+
+"Habesne id quod Anglicč vocamus, a looking-glass," says his Riv'rence.
+
+"Immo, habeo speculum splendidissimum subther operculum pyxidis hujus
+starnutatorię," says the Pope, pulling out a beautiful goold snuff-box,
+wid a looking-glass in under the lid; "Subther operculum pyxidis hujus
+starnutatorii--no--starnutatorię--quam dono accepi ab Archi-duce
+Austhriaco siptuagisima prętheritā," says he; as much as to say that he
+got the box in a prisint from the Queen ov Spain last Lint, if I rightly
+remimber.
+
+Well, Father Tom laughed like to burst. At last, says he, "Pather
+Sancte," says he, "sub errore jaces. 'Looking-glass' apud nos habet
+significationem quamdam peculiarem ex tempore diei dependentem"--there
+was a sthring ov accusatives for yez!--"nam mane speculum sonat," says
+he, "post prandium vero mat--mat--mat"--sorra be in me but I disremimber
+the classic appellivation ov the same article. Howandiver, his Riv'rence
+went on explaining himself in such a way as no scholar could mistake.
+"Vesica mea," says he, "ab illo ultimo eversore distenditur, donc
+similis est rumpere. Verbis apertis," says he, "Vesthrę Sanctitatis
+pręsentia salvata, aquam facere valde desidhero."
+
+"Ho, ho, ho!" says the Pope, grabbing up his box; "si inquinavisses meam
+pyxidem, excimnicari debuisses. Hillo, Anthony," says he to his head
+butler, "fetch Misther Maguire a----"
+
+"You spoke first!" says his Riv'rence, jumping off his sate: "You spoke
+first in the vernacular. I take Misther Anthony to witness," says he.
+
+"What else would you have me to do?" says the Pope, quite dogged like to
+see himself bate thataway at his own waypons. "Sure," says he, "Anthony
+wouldn't undherstand a B from a bull's foot, if I spoke to him any other
+way."
+
+"Well, then," says his Riv'rence, "in considheration ov the
+needcessity," says he, "I'll let you off for this time; but mind, now,
+afther I say _pręstho_, the first of us that spakes a word of English
+is the hare--_pręstho_!"
+
+Neither ov them spoke for near a minit, considhering wid themselves how
+they wor to begin sich a great thrial ov shkill. At last, says the
+Pope--the blessed man! only think how 'cute it was ov him!--"Domine
+Maguire," says he, "valde desidhero, certiorem fieri de significatione
+istius verbi _eversor_ quo jam jam usus es"--(well, surely I _am_ the
+boy for the Latin!)
+
+"_Eversor_, id est cyathus," says his Riv'rence, "nam apud nos
+_tumbleri_, seu eversores, dicti sunt ab evertendo ceremoniam inter
+amicos; non, ut Temperantię Societatis frigidis fautoribus placet, ab
+evertendis ipsis potatoribus." (It's not every masther undher the Boord,
+I tell you, could carry such a car-load ov the dead langidges.) "In agro
+vero Louthiano et Midensi," says he, "nomine gaudent quodam secundum
+linguam Anglicanum significante bombardam seu tormentum; quia ex eis
+tanquam ex telis jaculatoriis liquorem faucibus immittere solent. Etiam
+inter hęreticos illos melanostomos" (that was a touch of Greek).
+"Presbyterianos Septentrionales, qui sunt terribiles potatores, Cyathi
+dicti sunt _faceres_, et dimidium Cyathi _hęf-a-glessus_. Dimidium
+Cyathi vero apud Metropolitanos Hibernicos dicitur _dandy_."--
+
+"En verbum Anglicanum!" says the Pope, clapping his hands,--"leporem te
+fecisti;" as much as to say that he had made a hare ov himself.
+
+"_Dandęus, dandęus_, verbum erat," says his Riv'rence--oh, the dear man,
+but it's himself that was handy ever and always at getting out ov a
+hobble--"_dandęus_ verbum erat," says he, "quod dicturus eram, cum me
+intherpillavisti."
+
+"Ast ego dico," says the Pope, very sharp, "quod verbum erat _dandy_."
+
+"Per tibicinem qui coram Mose modulatus est," says his Riv'rence, "id
+flagellat mundum! _Dandęus_ dixi, et tu dicis _dandy_; ergo tu es lepus,
+non ego--Ah, ha! Saccavi vesthram Sanctitatem!"
+
+"Mendacium est!" says the Pope, quite forgetting himself, he was so mad
+at being sacked before the sarvints.
+
+Well, if it hadn't been that his Holiness was in it, Father Tom 'ud have
+given him the contints of his tumbler betuxt the two eyes, for calling
+him a liar; and, in troth, it's very well it was in Latin the offince
+was conweyed, for, if it had been in the vernacular, there's no saying
+what 'ud ha' been the consequence. His Riv'rence was mighty angry
+anyhow.--"Tu senex lathro," says he, "quomodo audes me mendacem
+prędicare?"
+
+"Et tu, sacrilege nebulo," says the Pope, "quomodo audacitatem habeas,
+me Dei in terris vicarium, lathronem conwiciari?"
+
+"Interroga circumcirca," says his Riv'rence.
+
+"Abi ex ędibus meis," says the Pope.
+
+"Abi tu in malem crucem," says his Riv'rence.
+
+"Excumnicabo te," says the Pope.
+
+"Diabolus curat," says his Riv'rence.
+
+"Anathema sis," says the Pope.
+
+"Oscula meum pod,"--says his Riv'rence--but, my dear, afore he could
+finish what he was going to say, the Pope broke out into the vernacular,
+"Get out o' my house, you reprobate!" says he in sich a rage that he
+could contain himself widin the Latin no longer.
+
+"Ha, ha, ha!--ho, ho, ho!" says his Riv'rence, "Who's the hare now, your
+Holiness? Oh, by this and by that, I've sacked you clane! Clane and
+clever I've done it, and no mistake! You see what a bit ov desate will
+do wid the wisest, your Holiness--sure it was joking I was, on purpose
+to aggrawate you--all's fair, you know, in love, law, and conthravarsy.
+In troth if I'd thought you'd have taken it so much to heart, I'd have
+put my head into the fire afore I'd have said a word to offind you,"
+says he, for he seen that the Pope was very vexed. "Sure, God forbid
+that I'd say anything agin your Holiness, barring it was in fun: for
+aren't you the father ov the faithful, and the thrue vicar ov God upon
+earth? And amn't I ready to go down on my two knees this blessed minit
+and beg your apostolical pardon for every word that I said to your
+displasement?"
+
+"Are you in arnest that it is in fun you wor?" says the Pope.
+
+"May I never die if I amn't," says his Riv'rence. "It was all to provoke
+your Holiness to commit a brache ov the Latin that I tuck the small
+liberties I did," says he.
+
+"I'd have you to take care," says the Pope, "how you take sich small
+liberties again, or maybe you'll provoke me to commit a brache ov the
+pace."
+
+"Well, and if I did," says his Riv'rence, "I know a sartain preparation
+ov chemicals that's very good for curing a brache either in Latinity or
+frindship."
+
+"What's that?" says the Pope, quite mollified, and sitting down again at
+the table that he had ris from in the first pluff of his indignation.
+"What's that?" says he, "for, 'pon my Epistolical 'davy, I think it
+'udn't be asy to bate this miraclous mixthir that we've been thrying to
+anilize this two hours back," says he, taking a mighty scientifical swig
+out ov the bottom ov his tumbler.
+
+"It's good for a beginning," says his Riv'rence; "it lays a very nate
+foundation for more sarious operation: but we're now arrived at a pariod
+of the evening when it's time to proceed wid our shuper-structhure by
+compass and square, like free and excipted masons as we both are."
+
+My time's up for the present; but I'll tell you the rest in the evening
+at home.
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+ HOW FATHER TOM AND HIS HOLINESS DISPUTED IN METAPHYSICS
+ AND ALGEBRA.
+
+God be wid the time when I went to the classical seminary ov Firdramore!
+when I'd bring my sod o' turf undher my arm, and sit down on my shnug
+boss o' straw, wid my back to the masther and my shins to the fire, and
+score my sum in Dives's denominations or the double rule o' three, or
+play fox-and-geese wid purty Jane Cruise that sat next me, as plisantly
+as the day was long, widout any one so much as saying, "Mikey Heffernan,
+what's that you're about?"--for ever since I was in the one lodge wid
+poor ould Mat I had my own way in his school as free as ever I had in my
+mother's shebeen. God be wid them days, I say again, for its althered
+times wid me, I judge, since I got under Carlisle and Whateley. Sich
+sthrictness! sich ordher! sich dhrilling, and lecthiring, and tuthoring
+as they do get on wid! I wisht to gracious the one-half of their rules
+and rigilations was sunk in the say. And they're getting so sthrict,
+too, about having fair play for the heretic childher! We've to have no
+more schools in the chapels, nor masses in the schools. Oh, by this and
+by that it'll never do at all! The ould plan was twenty times betther;
+and, for my own part, if it wasn't that the clargy supports them in a
+manner, and the grant's a thing not easily done widout these hard
+times, I'd see if I couldn't get a sheltered spot nigh-hand the chapel,
+and set up again on the good ould principle: and faix, I think our
+Metropolitan 'ud stand to me, for I know that his Grace's motto was ever
+and always, that "Ignorance is the thrue mother ov piety."
+
+But I'm running away from my narrative entirely, so I am. "You'll plase
+to ordher up the housekeeper, then," says Father Tom to the Pope, "wid a
+pint ov sweet milk in a skillet, and the bulk ov her fist ov butther,
+along wid a dust ov soft sugar in a saucer, and I'll show you the way of
+producing a decoction that, I'll be bound, will hunt the thirst out ov
+every nook and corner in your Holiness's blessed carcidge."
+
+The Pope ordhered up the ingredients, and they were brought in by the
+head butler.
+
+"That'll not do at all," says his Riv'rence, "the ingredients won't
+combine in due proportion unless ye do as I bid yez. Send up the
+housekeeper," says he, "for a faymale hand is ondispinsably necessary to
+produce the adaptation ov the particles and the concurrence ov the
+corpuscles, widout which you might boil till morning, and never fetch
+the cruds off ov it."
+
+Well, the Pope whispered to his head butler, and by-and-by up there
+comes an ould faggot ov a _Caillean_, that was enough to frighten a
+horse from his oats.
+
+"Don't thry for to desave me," says his Riv'rence, "for it's no use, I
+tell yez. Send up the housekeeper, I bid yez: I seen her presarving
+gooseberries in the panthry as I came up: she has eyes as black as a
+sloe," says he, "and cheeks like the rose in June; and sorra taste of
+this celestial mixthir shall crass the lips ov man or mortial this
+blessed night till she stirs the same up wid her own delicate little
+finger."
+
+"Misther Maguire," says the Pope, "it's very unproper ov you to spake
+that way ov my housekeeper: I won't allow it, sir."
+
+"Honour bright, your Holiness," says his Riv'rence, laying his hand on
+his heart.
+
+"Oh, by this and by that, Misther Maguire," says the Pope, "I'll have
+none of your insiniwations: I don't care who sees my whole household,"
+says he; "I don't care if all the faymales undher my roof was paraded
+down the High Street of Room," says he.
+
+"Oh, it's plain to be seen how little you care who see's them," says his
+Riv'rence. "You're afeared, now, if I was to see your housekeeper, that
+I'd say she was too handsome."
+
+"No, I'm not!" says the Pope; "I don't care who sees her," says he.
+"Anthony," says he to the head butler, "bid Eliza throw her apron over
+her head, and come up here." Wasn't that stout in the blessed man? Well,
+my dear, up she came, stepping like a three-year-old, and blushing like
+the brake o' day: for though her apron was thrown over her head as she
+came forrid, till you could barely see the tip ov her chin--more be
+token there was a lovely dimple in it, as I've been tould--yet she let
+it shlip a bit to one side, by chance like, jist as she got fornenst the
+fire, and if she wouldn't have given his Riv'rence a shot if he hadn't
+been a priest, it's no matther.
+
+"Now, my dear," says he, "you must take that skillet, and hould it over
+the fire till the milk comes to a blood-hate; and the way you'll know
+that will be by stirring it ons't or twice wid the little finger ov your
+right hand, afore you put in the butther: not that I misdoubt," says he,
+"but that the same finger's fairer nor the whitest milk that ever came
+from the tit."
+
+"None of your deludhering talk to the young woman, sir," says the Pope,
+mighty stern. "Stir the posset as he bids you, Eliza, and then be off
+wid yourself," says he.
+
+"I beg your Holiness's pardon ten thousand times," says his Riv'rence;
+"I'm sure I meant nothing onproper; I hope I'm uncapable ov any sich
+dirilection of my duty," says he. "But, marciful Saver!" he cried out,
+jumping up on a suddent, "look behind you, your Holiness--I'm blest but
+the room's on fire!"
+
+Sure enough the candle fell down that minit, and was near setting fire
+to the windy-curtains, and there was some bustle, as you may suppose,
+getting things put to rights. And now I have to tell you ov a raally
+onpleasant occurrence. If I was a Prodesan that was in it, I'd say that
+while the Pope's back was turned, Father Tom made free wid the two lips
+ov Miss Eliza; but, upon my conscience, I believe it was a mere mistake
+that his Holiness fell into on account of his being an ould man, and not
+having aither his eyesight or his hearing very parfect. At any rate it
+can't be denied but that he had a sthrong imprission that sich was the
+case; for he wheeled about as quick as thought, jist as his Riv'rence
+was sitting down, and charged him wid the offince plain and plump. "Is
+it kissing my housekeeper before my face you are, you villain?" says he.
+"Go down out o' this," says he to Miss Eliza; "and do you be packing off
+wid you," he says to Father Tom, "for it's not safe, so it isn't, to
+have the likes ov you in a house where there's temptation in your way."
+
+"Is it me?" says his Riv'rence; "why, what would your Holiness be at, at
+all? Sure I wasn't doing no sich thing."
+
+"Would you have me doubt the evidence ov my sinses?" says the Pope;
+"would you have me doubt the testimony ov my eyes and ears?" says he.
+
+"Indeed I would so," says his Riv'rence, "if they pretend to have
+informed your Holiness ov any sich foolishness."
+
+"Why," says the Pope, "I seen you afther kissing Eliza as plain as I see
+the nose on your face; I heard the smack you gave her as plain as ever I
+heard thundher."
+
+"And how do you know whether you see the nose on my face or not?" says
+his Riv'rence; "and how do you know whether what you thought was
+thundher, was thundher at all? Them operations of the sinses," says he,
+"comprises only particular corporayal emotions, connected wid sartain
+confused perciptions called sinsations, and isn't to be depended upon at
+all. If we were to follow them blind guides, we might jist as well turn
+heretics at ons't. 'Pon my secret word, your Holiness, it's naither
+charitable nor orthodox ov you to set up the testimony ov your eyes and
+ears agin the characther of a clergyman. And now, see how aisy it is to
+explain all them phwenomena that perplexed you. I ris and went over
+beside the young woman because the skillet was boiling over, to help her
+to save the dhrop ov liquor that was in it; and as for the noise you
+heard, my dear man, it was neither more nor less nor myself dhrawing the
+cork out ov this blissid bottle."
+
+"Don't offer to thrape that upon me!" says the Pope; "here's the cork in
+the bottle still, as tight as a wedge."
+
+"I beg your pardon," says his Riv'rence, "that's not the cork at all,"
+says he; "I dhrew the cork a good two minits ago, and it's very purtily
+spitted on the end ov this blessed cork-shcrew at this prisint moment;
+howandiver you can't see it, because it's only its raal prisence that's
+in it. But that appearance that you call a cork," says he, "is nothing
+but the outward spacies and external qualities of the cortical nathur.
+Them's nothing but the accidents of the cork that you're looking at and
+handling; but, as I tould you afore, the real cork's dhrew, and is here
+prisint on the end ov this nate little insthrument, and it was the noise
+I made in dhrawing it, and nothing else, that you mistook for the sound
+ov the _pogue_."
+
+You know there was no conthravening what he said; and the Pope couldn't
+openly deny it. Howandiver he thried to pick a hole in it this way.
+"Granting," says he, "that there is the differ you say betwixt the
+reality ov the cork and them cortical accidents, and that it's quite
+possible, as you alledge, that the thrue cork is really prisint on the
+end ov the shcrew, while the accidents keep the mouth ov the bottle
+stopped--still," says he, "I can't undherstand, though willing to acquit
+you, how the dhrawing ov the real cork, that's onpalpable and widout
+accidents, could produce the accident of that sinsible explosion I heard
+jist now."
+
+"All I can say," says his Riv'rence, "is, that I'm sinsible it was a
+real accident, anyhow."
+
+"Ay," says the Pope, "the kiss you gev Eliza, you mane."
+
+"No," says his Riv'rence, "but the report I made."
+
+"I don't doubt you," says the Pope.
+
+"No cork could be dhrew with less noise," says his Riv'rence.
+
+"It would be hard for anything to be less nor nothing, barring algebra,"
+says the Pope.
+
+"I can prove to the conthrary," says his Riv'rence. "This glass ov
+whisky is less nor that tumbler ov punch, and that tumbler of punch is
+nothing to this jug ov _scaltheen_."
+
+"Do you judge by superficial misure or by the liquid contents?" says the
+Pope.
+
+"Don't stop me betwixt my premisses and my conclusion," says his
+Riv'rence; "_Ergo_, this glass ov whisky is less nor nothing; and for
+that raison I see no harm in life in adding it to the contents ov the
+same jug, just by way ov a frost-nail."
+
+"Adding what's less nor nothing," says the Pope, "is subtraction
+according to algebra; so here goes to make the rule good," says he,
+filling his tumbler wid the blessed stuff, and sitting down again at the
+table, for the anger didn't stay two minits on him, the good-hearted
+ould sowl.
+
+"Two minuses makes one plus," says his Riv'rence, as ready as you plase,
+"and that'll account for the increased daycrement I mane to take the
+liberty of producing in the same mixed quantity," says he, follying his
+Holiness's epistolical example.
+
+"By all that's good," says the Pope, "that's the best stuff I ever
+tasted; you call it a mixed quantity, but I say it's prime."
+
+"Since it's ov the first ordher, then," says his Riv'rence, "we'll have
+the less deffeequilty in reducing it to a simple equation."
+
+"You'll have no fractions at my side, anyhow," says the Pope. "Faix, I'm
+afeared," says he, "it's only too asy ov solution our sum is like to
+be."
+
+"Never fear for that," says his Riv'rence, "I've a good stock of surds
+here in the bottle; for I tell you it will take us a long time to
+exthract the root ov it, at the rate we're going on."
+
+"What makes you call the blessed quart an irrational quantity?" says the
+Pope.
+
+"Becase it's too much for one, and too little for two," says his
+Riv'rence.
+
+"Clear it ov its coefficient, and we'll thry," says the Pope.
+
+"Hand me over the exponent, then," says his Riv'rence.
+
+"What's that?" says the Pope.
+
+"The shcrew, to be sure," says his Riv'rence.
+
+"What for?" says the Pope.
+
+"To dhraw the cork," says his Riv'rence.
+
+"Sure the cork's dhrew," says the Pope.
+
+"But the sperits can't get out on account of the accidents that's stuck
+in the neck ov the bottle," says his Riv'rence.
+
+"Accident ought to be passable to sperit," says the Pope, "and that
+makes me suspect that the reality ov the cork's in it afther all."
+
+"That's a barony-masia," says his Riv'rence, "and I'm not bound to
+answer it. But the fact is, that it's the accidents ov the sperits too
+that's in it, and the reality's passed out through the cortical spacies
+as you say; for, you may have observed, we've both been in real good
+sperits ever since the cork was dhrawn, and were else would the real
+sperits come from if they wouldn't come out ov the bottle?"
+
+"Well, then," says the Pope, "since we've got the reality, there's no
+use troubling ourselves wid the accidents."
+
+"Oh, begad," says his Riv'rence, "the accidents is very essential too;
+for a man may be in the best ov good sperits, as far as his immaterial
+part goes, and yet need the accidental qualities ov good liquor to hunt
+the sinsible thirst out ov him." So he dhraws the cork in earnest, and
+sets about brewing the other skillet ov _scaltheen_; but, faix, he had
+to get up the ingredients this time by the hands ov ould Molly; though
+devil a taste ov her little finger he'd let widin a yard ov the same
+decoction.
+
+But, my dear, here's the _Freeman's Journal_, and we'll see what's the
+news afore we finish the residuary proceedings of their two Holinesses.
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+THE REASON WHY FATHER TOM WAS NOT MADE A CARDINAL.
+
+_Hurroo_, my darlings!--didn't I tell you it 'ud never do? Success to
+bould John Tuam and the ould siminary ov Firdramore! Oh, more power to
+your Grace every day you rise, 'tis you that has broken their Boord into
+shivers undher your feet! Sure, and isn't it a proud day for Ireland,
+this blessed feast ov the chair ov Saint Pether? Isn't Carlisle and
+Whateley smashed to pieces, and their whole college of swaddling
+teachers knocked into smidhereens. John Tuam, your sowl, has tuck his
+pasthoral staff in his hand and beathen them out o' Connaught as fast as
+ever Pathrick druve the sarpints into Clew Bay. Poor ould Mat Kavanagh,
+if he was alive this day, 'tis he would be the happy man. "My curse upon
+their g'ographies and Bibles," he used to say; "where's the use ov
+perplexing the poor childher wid what we don't undherstand ourselves?"
+no use at all, in troth, and so I said from the first myself. Well,
+thank God and his Grace, we'll have no more thrigonomethry nor scripther
+in Connaught. We'll hould our lodges every Saturday night, as we used to
+do, wid our chairman behind the masther's desk, and we'll hear our mass
+every Sunday morning wid the blessed priest standing afore the same. I
+wisht to goodness I hadn't parted wid my Seven Champions ov Christendom
+and Freney the Robber; they're books that'll be in great requist in
+Leithrim as soon as the pasthoral gets wind. Glory be to God! I've done
+wid their lecthirs--they may all go and be d----d wid their consumption
+and production. I'm off to Tallymactaggart before daylight in the
+morning, where I'll thry whether a sod or two o' turf can't consume a
+cartload ov heresy, and whether a weekly meeting ov the lodge can't
+produce a new thayory ov rints. But afore I take my lave ov you, I may
+as well finish my story about poor Father Tom that I hear is coming up
+to whale the heretics in Adam and Eve during the Lint.
+
+The Pope--and indeed it ill becomes a good Catholic to say anything agin
+him--no more would I, only that his Riv'rence was in it--but you see the
+fact ov it is, that the Pope was as envious as ever he could be, at
+seeing himself sacked right and left by Father Tom, and bate out o' the
+face, the way he was, on every science and subjec' that was started. So,
+not to be outdone altogether, he says to his Riv'rence, "You're a man
+that's fond ov the brute crayation, I hear, Misther Maguire?"
+
+"I don't deny it," says his Riv'rence, "I've dogs that I'm willing to
+run agin any man's, ay, or to match them agin any other dogs in the
+world for genteel edication and polite manners," says he.
+
+"I'll hould you a pound," says the Pope, "that I've a quadhruped in my
+possession that's a wiser baste nor any dog in your kennel."
+
+"Done," says his Riv'rence, and they staked the money.
+
+"What can this larned quadhruped o' yours do?" says his Riv'rence.
+
+"It's my mule," says the Pope, "and, if you were to offer her goolden
+oats and clover off the meadows o' Paradise, sorra taste ov aither she'd
+let pass her teeth till the first mass is over every Sunday or holiday
+in the year."
+
+"Well, and what 'ud you say if I showed you a baste ov mine," says his
+Riv'rence, "that, instead ov fasting till first mass is over only, fasts
+out the whole four-and-twenty hours ov every Wednesday and Friday in the
+week as reg'lar as a Christian?"
+
+"Oh, be asy, Masther Maguire," says the Pope.
+
+"You don't b'lieve me, don't you?" says his Riv'rence; "very well, I'll
+soon show you whether or no," and he put his knuckles in his mouth, and
+gev a whistle that made the Pope stop his fingers in his ears. The
+aycho, my dear, was hardly done playing wid the cobwebs in the cornish,
+when the door flies open, and in jumps Spring. The Pope happened to be
+sitting next the door, betuxt him and his Riv'rence, and, may I never
+die, if he didn't clear him, thriple crown and all, at one spang. "God's
+presence be about us!" says the Pope, thinking it was an evil spirit
+come to fly away wid him for the lie that he had tould in regard ov his
+mule (for it was nothing more nor a thrick that consisted in grazing
+the brute's teeth): but, seeing it was only one ov the greatest beauties
+ov a greyhound that he'd ever laid his epistolical eyes on, he soon
+recovered ov his fright, and began to pat him, while Father Tom ris and
+went to the sideboord, where he cut a slice ov pork, a slice ov beef, a
+slice ov mutton, and a slice of salmon, and put them all on a plate
+thegither. "Here, Spring, my man," says he, setting the plate down afore
+him on the hearthstone, "here's your supper for you this blessed Friday
+night." Not a word more he said nor what I tell you; and, you may
+believe it or not, but it's the blessed truth that the dog, afther jist
+tasting the salmon, and spitting it out again, lifted his nose out o'
+the plate, and stood wid his jaws wathering, and his tail wagging,
+looking up in his Riv'rence's face, as much as to say, "Give me your
+absolution, till I hide them temptations out o' my sight."
+
+"There's a dog that knows his duty," says his Riv'rence; "there's a
+baste that knows how to conduct himself aither in the parlour or the
+field. You think him a good dog, looking at him here; but I wisht you
+seen him on the side ov Slieve-an-Eirin! Be my soul, you'd say the hill
+was running away from undher him. Oh I wisht you had been wid me," says
+he, never letting on to see the dog at all, "one day, last Lent, that I
+was coming from mass. Spring was near a quarther ov a mile behind me,
+for the childher was delaying him wid bread and butther at the chapel
+door; when a lump ov a hare jumped out ov the plantations ov Grouse
+Lodge and ran acrass the road; so I gev the whilloo, and knowing that
+she'd take the rise ov the hill, I made over the ditch, and up through
+Mullaghcashel as hard as I could pelt, still keeping her in view, but
+afore I had gone a perch, Spring seen her, and away the two went like
+the wind, up Drumrewy, and down Clooneen, and over the river, widout his
+being able ons't to turn her. Well, I run on till I come to the
+Diffagher, and through it I went, for the wather was low and I didn't
+mind being wet shod, and out on the other side, where I got up on a
+ditch, and seen sich a coorse as I'll be bound to say was never seen
+afore or since. If Spring turned that hare ons't that day, he turned her
+fifty times, up and down, back and for'ard throughout and about. At last
+he run her right into the big quarryhole in Mullaghbawn, and when I went
+up to look for her fud, there I found him sthretched on his side, not
+able to stir a foot, and the hare lying about an inch afore his nose as
+dead as a door-nail, and divil a mark of a tooth upon her. Eh, Spring,
+isn't that thrue?" says he. Jist at that minit the clock sthruck twelve,
+and, before you could say thrap-sticks, Spring had the plateful of mate
+consaled. "Now," says his Riv'rence, "hand me over my pound, for I've
+won my bate fairly."
+
+"You'll excuse me," says the Pope, pocketing his money, "for we put the
+clock half an hour back, out ov compliment to your Riv'rence," says he,
+"and it was Sathurday morning afore he came up at all."
+
+"Well, it's no matther," says his Riv'rence, putting back his pound-note
+in his pocket-book, "only," says he, "it's hardly fair to expect a brute
+baste to be so well skilled in the science ov chronology."
+
+In troth his Riv'rence was badly used in the same bate, for he won it
+clever; and, indeed, I'm afeared the shabby way he was thrated had some
+effect in putting it into his mind to do what he did. "Will your
+Holiness take a blast ov the pipe?" says he, dhrawing out his dhudeen.
+
+"I never smoke," says the Pope, "but I haven't the least objection to
+the smell of the tobaccay."
+
+"Oh, you had betther take a dhraw," says his Riv'rence, "it'll relish
+the dhrink, that 'ud be too luscious entirely, widout something to
+flavour it."
+
+"I had thoughts," said the Pope, wid the laste sign ov a hiccup on him,
+"ov getting up a broiled bone for the same purpose."
+
+"Well," says his Riv'rence, "a broiled bone 'ud do no manner ov harm at
+this present time; but a smoke," says he, "'ud flavour both the devil
+and the dhrink."
+
+"What sort o' tobaccay is it that's in it?" says the Pope.
+
+"Raal nagur-head," says his Riv'rence; "a very mild and salubrious
+spacies of the philosophic weed."
+
+"Then, I don't care if I do take a dhraw," says the Pope. Then Father
+Tom held the coal himself till his Holiness had the pipe lit; and they
+sat widout saying anything worth mentioning for about five minutes.
+
+At last the Pope says to his Riv'rence, "I dunna what gev me this plaguy
+hiccup," says he. "Dhrink about," says he--"Begorra," he says, "I think
+I'm getting merrier nor's good for me. Sing us a song, your Riv'rence,"
+says he.
+
+Father Tom then sung him Monatagrenoge and the Bunch o' Rushes, and
+he was mighty well pleased wid both, keeping time wid his hands, and
+joining in in the choruses, when his hiccup 'ud let him. At last, my
+dear, he opens the lower buttons ov his waistcoat, and the top one of
+his waistband, and calls to Masther Anthony to lift up one ov the
+windys. "I dunna what's wrong wid me, at all at all," says he, "I'm
+mortial sick."
+
+"I thrust," says his Riv'rence, "the pasthry that you ate at dinner
+hasn't disagreed wid your Holiness's stomach."
+
+"Oh my! oh!" says the Pope, "what's this at all?" gasping for
+breath, and as pale as a sheet, wid a could swate bursting out
+over his forehead, and the palms ov his hands spread out to catch
+the air. "Oh my! oh my!" says he, "fetch me a basin!--Don't spake
+to me. Oh!--oh!--blood alive!--Oh, my head, my head, hould my
+head!--oh!--ubh!--I'm poisoned!--ach!"
+
+"It was them plaguy pasthries," says his Riv'rence. "Hould his head
+hard," says he, "and clap a wet cloth over his timples. If you could
+only thry another dhraw o' the pipe, your Holiness, it 'ud set you to
+rights in no time."
+
+"Carry me to bed," says the Pope, "and never let me see that wild Irish
+priest again. I'm poisoned by his manes--ubplsch!--ach!--ach!--He dined
+wid Cardinal Wayld yestherday," says he, "and he's bribed him to take me
+off. Send for a confissor," says he, "for my latther end's approaching.
+My head's like to split--so it is!--Oh my! oh my!--ubplsch!--ach!"
+
+Well, his Riv'rence never thought it worth his while to make him an
+answer; but, when he seen how ungratefully he was used, afther all his
+throuble in making the evening agreeable to the ould man, he called
+Spring, and put the but-end ov the second bottle into his pocket, and
+left the house widout once wishing "Good-night, an' plaisant dhrames to
+you;" and, in troth, not one of _them_ axed him to lave them a lock ov
+his hair.
+
+That's the story as I heard it tould; but myself doesn't b'lieve over
+one-half of it. Howandiver, when all's done, it's a shame, so it is,
+that he's not a bishop this blessed day and hour: for, next to the
+goiant of St Jarlath's, he's out and out the cleverest fellow ov the
+whole jing-bang.
+
+
+
+
+LA PETITE MADELAINE.
+
+BY MRS SOUTHEY.
+
+[_MAGA._ AUGUST 1831.]
+
+
+I was surprised the other day by a visit from a strange old lady,
+brought hither to be introduced to me, at her own request, by some
+friends of mine with whom she was staying in this neighbourhood. Having
+been, I was informed, intimately acquainted, in her early years, with a
+branch of my mother's family, to which she was distantly related, she
+had conceived a desire to see one of its latest descendants, and I was
+in consequence honoured with her visit. But if the honour done me was
+unquestionable, the motive to which I was indebted for it was not to be
+easily divined; for, truth to speak, little indication of good-will
+towards me, or of kindly feeling, was discernible in the salutation
+of my visitor, in her stiff and stately curtsy, her cold ceremonious
+expressions, and in the sharp and severe scrutiny of the keen grey eyes,
+with which she leisurely took note of me from head to foot.
+
+Mrs Ormond's appearance was that of a person far advanced in years;
+older than my mother would have been if still living; but her form, of
+uncommon height, gaunt, bony, and masculine, was firm and erect as in
+the vigour of life, and in perfect keeping with the hard-featured,
+deep-lined countenance, surmounted by a coiffure that, perched on the
+summit of a roll of grizzled hair, strained tight from the high and
+narrow forehead, was, with the rest of her attire, a facsimile of that
+of my great-aunt Barbara (peace be to her memory!) as depicted in a
+certain invaluable portrait of that virtuous gentlewoman, now deposited,
+for more inviolable security, in the warmest corner of the lumber-room.
+
+Though no believer in the influence of "the evil eye," there was
+something in the expression of the large, prominent, light grey orbs, so
+strangely fixed upon me, that had the effect of troubling me so far, as
+to impose a degree of embarrassment and restraint on my endeavours to
+play the courteous hostess, and very much to impede all my attempts at
+conversation.
+
+As the likeliest means of breaking down the barrier of formality, I
+introduced the subject most calculated, it might be supposed, to awaken
+feelings of mutual interest. I spoke of my maternal ancestry--of the
+Norman blood and Norman land from which the race had sprung, and of my
+inherited love for the birthplace of those nearest and dearest to me in
+the last departed generation; though the daughter of an English father,
+his country was my native, as well as my "Father-land."
+
+Mrs Ormond, though the widow of an English husband, spoke with a foreign
+accent so familiar to my ear, that, in spite of the sharp thin tones of
+the voice that uttered them, I could have fancied musical, had there
+been a gleam of kindness in her steady gaze. But I courted it in vain.
+The eyes of Freya were never fixed in more stony hardness on a rejected
+votary, than were those of my stern inspectress on my almost deprecating
+face; and her ungracious reserve baffled all my attempts at
+conversation.
+
+All she allowed to escape her, in reference to the Norman branches of
+our respective families, was a brief allusion to the intimacy which had
+subsisted between her mother and my maternal grandmother; and when I
+endeavoured from that slight clue to lead her farther into the family
+relations, my harmless pertinacity was rebuked by a shake of the head as
+portentous as Lord Burleigh's, accompanied by so grim a smile, and a
+look of such undefinable meaning, as put the finishing-stroke to my
+previous bewilderment, and prevented me from recalling to mind, as I
+should otherwise have done, certain circumstances associated with a
+proper name--that of her mother's family, which she spoke with peculiar
+emphasis--and having done so, and in so doing (as she seemed persuaded)
+"spoken daggers" to my conscience, she signified by a stately sign to
+the ladies who had accompanied her that she was ready to depart, and,
+the carriage being announced, forthwith arose, and honouring me with a
+farewell curtsy, as formal as that which had marked her introduction,
+sailed out of the apartment, if not with swan-like grace, with much of
+that sublimer majesty of motion with which a heron on a mud-bank stalks
+deliberately on, with head erect and close depending pinions. And as if
+subjugated by the strange influence of the sharp grey eyes, bent on me
+to the last with sinister expression, unconsciously I returned my grim
+visitor's parting salutation with so profound a curtsy, that my knees
+(all unaccustomed to such Richardsonian ceremony) had scarcely recovered
+from it, when the closing door shut out her stately figure, and it was
+not till the sound of carriage-wheels certified her final departure,
+that, recovering my own identity, I started from the statue-like posture
+in which I had remained standing after that unwonted genuflection, and
+sank back on the sofa to meditate at leisure on my strange morning
+adventure.
+
+My ungracious visitor had left me little cause, in truth, for pleasing
+meditation, so far as her gaunt self was immediately concerned, but a
+harsh strain, or an ungraceful object, will sometimes (as well as the
+sweetest and most beautiful) revive a long train of interesting
+associations, and the plea alleged for her introduction to me had been
+of itself sufficient to awaken a chord of memory, whose vibration ceased
+not at her departure. On the contrary, I fell forthwith into a dreaming
+mood, that led me back to recollections of old stories, of old
+times--such as I had loved to listen to in long-past days, from those
+who had since followed in their turn the elders of our race (whose
+faithful historians they were) to the dark and narrow house appointed
+for all living.
+
+Who that has ever been addicted to the idle, and I fear me profitless,
+speculation of waking dreams, but may call to mind how, when the spell
+was on him, as outward and tangible things (apparently the objects
+of intent gaze) faded on the eye of sense, the inward vision
+proportionately cleared and strengthened--and circumstances long
+unremembered--names long unspoken--histories and descriptions once
+attended to with deep interest, but long passed from recollection, are
+drawn forth, as it were, from the dark recesses of the mind, at first
+like wandering atoms confused and undefined, but gradually assuming
+distinctness and consistency, till the things _that be_ are to us the
+_unreal_ world, and we live and move again (all intervening space a
+blank) among the things that have been?
+
+Far back into that shadowy region did I wander, when left as described
+by "the grim white woman," to ponder over the few words she had
+vouchsafed to utter, and my own "thick-coming fancies." The one proper
+name she had pronounced--that of her mother's family--had struck on my
+ear like a familiar sound; yet--how could I have heard it? If ever, from
+one person only--from _my_ dear mother's lips--"De St Hilaire!"--again
+and again I slowly repeated to myself--and then--I scarce know how--the
+Christian name of Adrienne rose spontaneously to my lips; and no sooner
+were the two united than the spell of memory was complete, and fresh on
+my mind, as if I had heard it but yesterday, returned the whole history
+of Adrienne de St Hilaire.
+
+Adrienne de St Hilaire and Madelaine du Résnél were far-removed cousins;
+both "demoiselles de bonnes families," residing at contiguous chateaux,
+near a small hamlet not far from Caen, in Normandy; both well born and
+well connected, but very unequally endowed with the gifts of fortune.
+Mademoiselle de St Hilaire was the only child and heiress of wealthy
+parents, both of whom were still living. Madelaine du Résnél, the
+youngest of seven, left in tender infancy to the guardianship of a
+widowed mother, whose scanty dower (the small family estate devolving on
+her only son) would have been insufficient for the support of herself
+and her younger children (all daughters), had she not continued
+mistress of her son's house and establishment during his minority.
+
+"La petite Madelaine" (as, being the latest born, she was long called by
+her family and friends) opened her eyes upon this mortal scene but a
+week before her father was carried to his grave, and never was poor babe
+so coldly welcomed under circumstances that should have made her doubly
+an object of tenderness.
+
+"Petite malheureuse! je me serais bien passée de toi," was the maternal
+salutation, when her new-born daughter was first presented to Madame du
+Résnél--a cold-hearted, strong-minded woman, more absorbed in the change
+about to be operated in her own situation by her approaching widowhood,
+than by her impending bereavement of a most excellent and tender
+husband. But one precious legacy was in reserve for the forlorn infant.
+She was clasped to the heart of her dying father--his blessing was
+breathed over her, and his last tears fell on her innocent, unconscious
+face. "Mon enfant! tu ne connaitra jamais ton pčre, mais il veillera sur
+toi," were the tender, emphatic words with which he resigned her to the
+arms of the old servant, who failed not to repeat them to her little
+charge when she was old enough to comprehend their affecting purport.
+And well and holily did la petite Madelaine treasure that saying in her
+heart of hearts; and early reason had the poor child to fly for comfort
+to that secret source. Madame du Résnél could not be accused of
+over-indulgence to any of her children--least of all to the poor little
+one whom she looked on from the first almost as an intruder; but she
+felt maternal pride in the resemblance already visible in her elder
+daughters to her own fine form and handsome features,--while la petite
+Madelaine, a small creature from her birth, though delicately and
+perfectly proportioned--fair and blue-eyed, and meek-looking as
+innocence itself, but without one feature in her face that could be
+called handsome, had the additional misfortune, when about five years
+old, to be marked--though not seamed--by the small-pox, from which cruel
+disease her life escaped almost miraculously.
+
+"Qu'elle est affreuse!" was the mother's tender exclamation at the first
+full view of her restored child's disfigured face. Those words, young as
+she was, went to the poor child's heart, that swelled so to bursting, it
+might have broken, (who knows?) but for her hoarded comfort: and she
+sobbed herself to sleep that night, over and over again repeating to
+herself, "Mon papa veille sur moi."
+
+If there be much truth in that poetical axiom,
+
+     "A favourite has no friend,"
+
+it is at least as frequently evident, that even in domestic circles the
+degree of favour shown by the head of the household to any individual
+member too often regulates the general tone of consideration; and that
+even among the urchins of the family, an instinctive perception is never
+wanting, of how far, and over whom, they may tyrannise with impunity.
+
+No creature in whose nature was a spark of human feeling could tyrannise
+over la petite Madelaine,--she was so gentle, so loving (when she dared
+show her love), so perfectly tractable and unoffending; but in the
+Chateau du Résnél no one could have passed two whole days without
+perceiving she was no favourite, except with one old servant--the same
+who had placed her in her dying father's arms, and recorded for her
+his last precious benediction--and with her little brother, who
+always vowed to those most in his confidence, and to Madelaine herself,
+when her tears flowed for some short, sharp sorrow, that when he
+was a man, "toutes ces demoiselles"--meaning his elder sisters and
+monitresses--should go and live away where they pleased, and leave
+him and la petite Madelaine to keep house together.
+
+Except from these two, any one would have observed that there were
+"shortcomings" towards her; "shortcomings" of tenderness from the
+superiors of the household--"shortcomings" of observances from the
+menials; anything was good enough for Madelaine--any time was time
+enough for Madelaine. She had to finish wearing out all her sisters' old
+frocks and wardrobes in general, to eat the crumb of the loaf they had
+pared the crust from, and to be satisfied with half a portion of soupe
+au lait, if they had chosen to take double allowance; and, blessedly for
+la petite Madelaine, it was her nature to be satisfied with everything
+not embittered by marked and intentional unkindness. It was her nature
+to sacrifice itself for others. Might that sacrifice have been repaid by
+a return of love, her little heart would have overflowed with happiness.
+As it was, she had not yet learnt to reason upon the want of sympathy;
+she felt without analysing. She was not harshly treated,--was seldom
+found fault with, though far more rarely commended,--was admitted to
+share in her sisters' sports, with the proviso that she had no choice in
+them,--old Jeannette and le petit frčre Armand loved her dearly; so did
+Roland, her father's old faithful hound,--and on the whole, la petite
+Madelaine was a happy little girl.
+
+And happier she was, a thousand times happier, than her cousin
+Adrienne--than Adrienne de St Hilaire, the spoilt child of fortune and
+of her doting parents, who lived but in her and for her, exhausting all
+the ingenuity of love, and all the resources of wealth, in vain
+endeavours to perfect the felicity of their beautiful but heartless
+idol.
+
+The families of St Hilaire and Du Résnél were, as has been mentioned,
+distantly related, and the ties of kindred were strengthened by
+similarity of faith, both professing that of the Reformed Church, and
+living on that account very much within their own circle, though on
+terms of perfect good-will with the surrounding Catholic neighbourhood.
+Mlle. de St Hilaire might naturally have been expected to select among
+the elder of her cousins her companion and intimate, their ages nearly
+assimilating with her own; but, too cold-hearted to seek for sympathy,
+too proud to brook companionship on equal terms, and too selfish and
+indolent to sacrifice any caprice, or make any exertion for the sake of
+others, she found it most convenient to patronise la petite Madelaine,
+whose gentle spirit and sweet temper insured willing though not servile
+compliance with even the unreasonable fancies of all who were kind to
+her, and whose quickness of intellect and excellent capacity more than
+fitted her for companionship with Adrienne, though the latter was six
+years her senior. Besides all, there was the pleasure of patronage--not
+the least influential motive to a proud and mean spirit, or to the
+heart of a beauty, well-nigh satiated, if that were possible, by the
+contemplation of her own perfections. When la petite Madelaine was ten
+years old, and la belle Adrienne sixteen, it therefore happened that the
+former was much oftener to be found at Chateau St Hilaire than at le
+Manoir du Résnél; for whenever the parental efforts of Monsieur and
+Madame de St Hilaire failed (and they failed too often) to divert the
+ennui and satisfy the caprices of their spoiled darling, the latter was
+wont to exclaim, in the pettish tone of peevish impatience, "Faites donc
+venir la petite Madelaine!" and the innocent charmer was as eagerly
+sought out and welcomed by the harassed parents as ever David was sought
+for by the servants of Saul, to lay with the sweet breathings of his
+harp the evil spirit that possessed their unhappy master. Something
+similar was the influence of la petite Madelaine's nature over that of
+her beautiful cousin. No wonder that her presence could scarcely be
+dispensed with at Chateau St Hilaire. Had her own home been more a home
+of love, not all the blandishments of the kindest friends, not all the
+luxuries of a wealthy establishment, would ever have reconciled her to
+be so much separated from her nearest connections. But, alas! except
+when her services were required (and no sparing and light tasks were her
+assigned ones), she was but too welcome to bestow her companionship on
+others; and except Roland, and le petit frčre, who was there to miss la
+petite Madelaine? And Roland was mostly her escort to St Hilaire; and on
+fine evenings, when le petit frčre had escaped from his tutor and his
+sisters, Jeannette was easily persuaded to take him as far as the old
+mill, half-way between the chateaux, to meet her on her way home. Those
+were pleasant meetings. Madelaine loved often, in after-life, to talk of
+them with that dear brother, always her faithful friend. So time went
+on--Time, the traveller whose pace is so variously designated by various
+humours, is always the restless, the unpausing--till Mademoiselle de St
+Hilaire had attained the perfection of blooming womanhood--the glowing
+loveliness of her one-and-twentieth summer--and la petite Madelaine
+began to think people ought to treat her more like a woman--for was she
+not fifteen complete? Poor little Madelaine! thou hadst indeed arrived
+at that most womanly era. But, to look at that small slight form, still
+childishly attired in frock and sash, of the simplest form and
+homeliest materials--at that almost infantine face, that looked _more_
+youthful, and _almost_ beautiful, when it smiled, from the effect of
+a certain dimple in the left cheek (Adrienne always insisted it was a
+pock-mark);--to look at that form and face, and the babyish curls of
+light-brown hair that hung about it quite down the little throat, and
+lay clustering on the girlish neck--who could ever have thought of
+paying thee honour due as to the dignity of confirmed womanhood?
+
+So it was Madelaine's fate still to be "La petite Madelaine"--still
+nobody--that anomalous personage who plays so many parts in society,--as
+often to suit his own convenience as for that of others; and though
+people are apt to murmur at being forced into the character, many a one
+lives to assume it willingly--as one slips off a troublesome costume
+at a masque, to take shelter under a quiet domino. As for la petite
+Madelaine, who did not care very much about the matter, though it was a
+_little_ mortifying to be patted on the head, and called "bonne petite,"
+instead of "mademoiselle," as was her undoubted right, from strangers at
+least, it was better to be _somebody_ in one or two hearts (le petit
+frčre et Jeannette) than in the mere _respects_ of a hundred indifferent
+people; and as for la belle cousine, Madelaine, though on excellent
+terms with her, never dreamed of her having a heart,--one cause,
+perhaps, of their mutual good understanding; for la petite Madelaine,
+actuated by instinctive perception, felt that it would be perfectly
+irrational to expect warmth of affection from one constituted so
+differently from herself; so she went on, satisfied with the
+consciousness of giving pleasure, and with such return as was made
+for it.
+
+But la petite Madelaine was soon to be invested with a most important
+office; one, however, that was by no means to supersede her character of
+Nobody, but, enigmatical as it may sound, to double her usefulness in
+that capacity--while, on private and particular occasions, she was to
+enact a _somebody_ of infinite consequence--that of confidante in a
+love affair--as la belle cousine was pleased to term her _liaison_ with
+a very handsome and elegant young officer, who, after some faint
+opposition on the part of her parents, was duly installed at St Hilaire
+as the accepted and acknowledged lover of its beautiful heiress. Walter
+Barnard (for he was of English birth and parentage), the youngest of
+three brothers, the elder of whom was a baronet, was most literally a
+soldier of fortune, his portion, at his father's death, amounting to no
+more than a pair of colours in a marching regiment--and the splendid
+income thereunto annexed. But high in health and hope, and "all the
+world before him where to choose"--of high principles--simple and
+unvitiated habits--the object of the love of many friends, and the
+esteem of all his brother officers--the young man was rather disposed to
+consider his lot in life as peculiarly fortunate, till the pressure of
+disease fell heavy on him, and he rose from a sick-bed which had held
+him captive many weeks, the victim of infectious fever, so debilitated
+in constitution as to be under the necessity of obtaining leave of
+absence from his regiment, for the purpose (peremptorily insisted on by
+his physician) of seeking the perfect change of air and scene which was
+essential to effect his restoration. He was especially enjoined to try
+the influence of another climate--that of France was promptly decided
+on--not only from the proximity of that country (a consideration of no
+small weight in the young soldier's prudential calculations), but
+because a brother officer was about to join a part of his family then
+resident at Caen in Normandy, and the pleasure of travelling with him
+settled the point of Walter's destination _so far_--and, as it fell out,
+even to that _other_ station in the route of life, only second in
+awfulness to the "bourne from whence no traveller returns." His English
+friends, who had been some years inhabitants of Caen, were acquainted
+with many French families in that town and its vicinity, and, among
+others, Walter was introduced by them at the Chateau de St Hilaire,
+where the Protestant English were always welcomed with marked
+hospitality. The still languishing health of the young soldier excited
+peculiar interest; he was invited to make frequent trials of the fine
+air of the chateau and its noble domain. A very few sufficed to convince
+him that it was far more salubrious than the confined atmosphere of
+Caen; and very soon the fortunate invalid was installed in all the
+rights and privileges of "L'Ami de la Maison."
+
+Circumstances having conducted our _dramatis personę_ to this point, how
+could it fall out otherwise than that the grateful Walter should fall
+desperately in love (which, by the by, he did at first sight) with la
+belle Adrienne, and that she should _determine_ to fall _obstinately_ in
+love with him! He, poor fellow! in pure simplicity of heart, really
+gazed himself into a devoted passion for the youthful beauty, without
+one interested view towards the charms of the heiress. But, besides
+thinking him the handsomest man she had ever seen, she was determined in
+her choice, by knowing it was in direct opposition to the wishes of her
+parents, who had long selected for her future husband a person so every
+way unexceptionable, that their fair daughter was very likely to have
+selected him for herself, had they not committed the fatal error of
+expressing their wishes with regard to him. There was PERSUASION and
+DISSUASION--mild opposition and systematic wilfulness--a few tears, got
+up with considerable effort--vapeurs and migraines in abundance--loss of
+appetite--hints about broken hearts--and the hearts of the tender
+parents could hold out no longer--Walter Barnard was received into the
+family as the future husband of its lovely daughter.
+
+All this time, what had become of la petite Madelaine? What does become
+of little girls just half-way through their teens, when associated,
+under similar circumstances, with young ladies who are women grown? Why,
+they are to be patient listeners to the lover's perfections when he is
+out of the way, and more patient companions (because perfectly unnoticed
+at such times) of the lovers' romantic walks; shivering associates (at
+discreet distance) of their tender communings on mossy banks, under
+willow and acacia, by pond-sides and brook-sides--by daylight, and
+twilight, and moonlight--at all seasons, and in all temperatures--so
+that by the time the pastoral concludes with matrimony, it may be
+accounted an especial mercy if the "mutual friend" is not crippled with
+the rheumatism for life, or brought into the first stage of a galloping
+consumption. No such fatal results were, however, in reserve for the
+termination of la petite Madelaine's official duties; and those, while
+in requisition, were made less irksome to her than they are in general
+to persons so circumstanced,--in part through the happy influence of her
+own sweet nature, which always apportioned to itself some share of the
+happiness it witnessed; in part through her long-acquired habits of
+patience and self-sacrifice; and, in part also, because Walter Barnard
+was an especial favourite with her--and little wonder that he was
+so--the gay and happy young man, devoted as he was to Adrienne in all
+the absorbing interest of a first successful passion, had yet many a
+kind word and beaming smile to spare for the poor little cousin, who
+often but for him would have sat quite unnoticed at her tent-stitch,
+even in the family circle; and when she was the convenient _tiers_ in
+the romantic rambles of himself and his lady-love, thanks to his
+unfailing good-nature, even then she did not feel herself utterly
+forgotten.
+
+For even in spite of discouraging looks from la belle Adrienne, of which
+in truth he was not quick to discern the meaning, he would often linger
+to address a few words to the silent little girl, who had been tutored
+too well to speak unspoken to, or even to walk quite within ear-shot of
+her _soi-disant_ companions. And when he had tenderly assisted Adrienne
+to pass over some stile or brooklet in their way, seldom it happened but
+that his hand was next at the service of Madelaine; and only those whose
+spirits have been long subdued by a sense of insignificance, impressed
+by the slighting regards or careless notice of cold friends or
+condescending patrons, can conceive the enthusiastic gratitude with
+which those trivial instances of kindness were treasured up in her
+heart's records. So it was, that la petite Madelaine, far from wearying
+of Walter's praises, when it pleased Adrienne to descant upon them in
+his absence, was apt to think her fair cousin did him scant justice, and
+that if she had been called on as his eulogist, oh! how far more
+eloquently could she speak! In short, la petite Madelaine, inexperienced
+as of course she was in such matters, saw with the acuteness of feeling,
+that Walter had obtained an interest only in the vanity and self-love,
+not in the heart of his fair mistress. "Poor Adrienne! she cannot help
+it, if she _has no_ heart," was Madelaine's sage soliloquy. "Mais quel
+dommage pour ce bon Walter, qui en a tant!"
+
+"Le bon Walter" might possibly have made the same discovery, had the
+unrestricted intercourse of the lovers been of long continuance; and he
+might have also ascertained another point, respecting which certain
+dubious glimmerings had begun at intervals to intrude themselves on his
+meditations _couleur de rose_,--was it possible that the moral and
+intellectual perfections of his idol _could_ be less than in perfect
+harmony with her outward loveliness? The doubt was sacrilegious,
+detestable, dismissed with generous indignation, but again and again
+some demon (or was it his _good_ genius?) recalled a startling frown, an
+incautious word or tone, a harsh or fretful expression from the eye and
+voice of his beloved, addressed to _la petite cousine_ or to himself,
+when in lightness of spirit, and frank-hearted kindness, he had laughed
+and talked with the latter, as with a young engaging sister. And
+then, except on one topic, his passion for la belle Adrienne, and her
+transcendent charms, of which, as yet, he was ever ready to pour out
+the heart's eloquent nonsense, somehow their conversations always
+languished. She had no eye for the natural beauties, of which he was
+an enthusiastic admirer; yawned or looked puzzled or impatient, when
+he stopped to gaze upon some glorious sunset, or violet-hued distance,
+melting into the roseate sky. And though she did not reject his
+offering of wild roses, or dewy honeysuckles, it was received with a
+half-contemptuous indifference, that invited no frequent renewal of the
+simple tribute; and from the date of a certain walk, when the lover's
+keen glance observed that the bunch of wild-flowers, carelessly dropt by
+Adrienne a few minutes after he had given them to her, was furtively
+picked up by la petite Madelaine as she followed in the narrow woodpath,
+and placed as furtively within the folds of her fichu--if Monsieur
+Walter, from that time forth, pulled a wild rose from the spray, or a
+violet from the bank, it was tendered with a smile to one whose _hand_
+at least was less careless than Adrienne's; and for her heart, that
+mattered not (farther than in brotherly kindness) to the _reputed_
+possessor of la belle St Hilaire's. Yet, in long after days, when silver
+threads began to streak the soft fair hair of Madelaine du Résnél,
+and the thick black clustering curls of Walter Barnard were more than
+sprinkled with the same paly hue, he found in turning over the leaves
+of an old French romance, in which her name was inscribed, the dried,
+faded, scentless forms of what had been a few sweet wild-flowers. On the
+margin of the page, to which time had glued them, was a date, and a few
+written words. And the sight of those frail memorials, associated with
+those age-tinted characters, must have awakened tender and touching
+recollections in his heart who gazed upon them; for a watery film
+suffused his eyes as he raised them from the volume, and turned with a
+half-pensive smile to one who sat beside him, quietly busied with her
+knitting needles in providing for his winter comfort.
+
+"Mais revenons ą nos moutons." Our present business is with the young
+lover and his fair mistress, and the still younger Madelaine. Time will
+overtake them soon enough. We need not anticipate his work. The old
+inexorable brought to a conclusion Walter's leave of absence, just as
+certain discoveries to which we have alluded were beginning to break
+upon him; just as la belle Adrienne began to weary of playing at
+_parfait amour_, enacting the adorable to her lover, and the _aimable_
+to her cousin _in his presence_; just as Monsieur and Madame, her weak
+but worthy parents, were secretly praying for their future son-in-law's
+departure, in the forlorn hope (as they had stipulated that even _les
+fianēailles_ should not take place for a twelve-month to come) that some
+unexpected page might yet turn over in the chapter of accidents, whereon
+might be written the name of Jules Marquis d'Arval, instead of that of
+the landless, untitled Walter Barnard, for the husband of their
+beautiful heiress.
+
+Just at this critical juncture arrived the day of separation--of
+separation for a year certain! Will it be doubted that with the parting
+hour, rushed back upon Walter's heart a flood of tenderness, even more
+impassioned than that with which it had first pledged itself to the
+beautiful Adrienne? The enthusiasm of his nature, acting as a stimulus
+to her apathetic temperament, communicated to her farewell so much of
+the appearance of genuine feeling, that the young soldier returned to
+his country, and to his military duties, imbued with the blissful
+assurance that, whatever unworthy doubts had been suggested occasionally
+by fallacious appearances, the heart of his fair betrothed was as
+faultless as her person, and exclusively devoted to himself. So wholly
+had the "sweet sorrow" of that farewell absorbed his every faculty, that
+it was not till he was miles from St Hilaire on his way to the coast,
+that Walter remembered la petite Madelaine; remembered that he had
+bid HER no farewell; that she had slipt away to her own home the last
+evening of his stay at St Hilaire, unobserved by all but an old _bonne_,
+who was commissioned to say Mademoiselle Madelaine had a headache,
+and that she had not reappeared the next morning, the morning of his
+departure. "Dear little Madelaine! how could I forget her?" was the next
+thought to that which had recalled her. "But she shall live with us
+when we are married." So having laid the flattering unction to his
+conscience, by that satisfactory arrangement for her future comfort,
+he "whistled her image down the wind" again, and betook himself with
+redoubled ardour to the contemplation of Adrienne.
+
+And where was la petite Madelaine?--What became of her, and what
+was she doing that livelong day? Never was she so much wanted at St
+Hilaire--to console--to support--to occupy the "fair forsaken;" and
+yet she came not. "What insensibility--what ingratitude! at such a
+time!"--exclaimed the parents of the lovely desolate--so interesting
+in her becoming character of a lone bird "reft of its mutual heart,"
+so amiable in her attempted exculpation of the neglectful Madelaine!
+"She does not mean to be unkind--to be cruel--as her conduct
+_seems_"--_sweetly_ interposed the meek apologist.--"But she is
+thoughtless--_insouciante_--and you know, chčre Maman! I always told
+you la petite Madelaine has no sensibility--Ah Ciel!"----That mine
+were less acute!--was, of course, the implied sense of that concluding
+apostrophe--and every one will feel the eloquence of the appeal, so
+infinitely more affecting than the full-length sentence would have been.
+If vagueness is one great source of the sublime--it is also a grand
+secret in the arcana of sensibility.
+
+But we may remember that poor little Madelaine had slipt away to her own
+home the preceding evening, pleading a headache as the excuse for her
+evasion. Perhaps the same cause--(was it headache?) holds her still
+captive in her little chamber, the topmost chamber in the western
+pepper-box turret, four of which flank the four corners of the old
+Chateau du Résnél. Certain it is, from that same lofty lodging
+Madelaine has not stirred the livelong day--scarcely from that same
+station;--
+
+     "There at her chamber window high,
+       The lonely maiden sits--
+     Its casement fronts the western sky,
+       And balmy air admits.
+
+     "And while her thoughts have wandered far
+       From all she hears and sees,
+     She gazes on the evening star,
+       That twinkles through the trees.--
+
+     "Is it to watch the setting sun,
+       She does that seat prefer?
+     Alas! the maiden thinks of one,
+       Who _little_ thinks of her."
+
+"Eternal fidelity"--being, of course, the first article agreed and sworn
+to in the lovers' parting covenant, "Constant correspondence," as
+naturally came second in the list, and never was eagerness like Walter's
+to pour out the first sorrows of absence in his first letter to the
+beloved, or impatience like his for the appearance of her answer. After
+some decorous delay----(a _little_ maiden coyness was thought decorous
+in those days)--it arrived, the delightful letter! Delightful it would
+have been to Walter, in that second effervescence of his first passion,
+had the penmanship of the fair writer been barely legible, and her
+epistolary talent not absolutely below the lowest degree of mediocrity.
+Walter (to say the truth) had felt certain involuntary misgivings on
+that subject. Himself not only an ardent admirer of nature, but an
+unaffected lover of elegant literature, he had been frequently mortified
+at Adrienne's apparent indifference to the one, and seeming distaste to
+the other. Of her style of writing he had found no opportunities of
+judging. Albums were not the fashion in those days--and although, on the
+few occasions of his absence from St Hilaire after his engagement with
+Adrienne (Caen being still his ostensible place of residence), he had
+not failed to indite to her sundry billets, and even full-length
+letters, dispatched (as on a business of life and death) by bribed and
+special messengers,--either Mlle. de St Hilaire was engaged or abroad
+when they arrived--or otherwise prevented from replying; and still more
+frequently the lover trod on the heels of his despatch. So it chanced
+that he had not carried away with him one hoarded treasure of the fair
+one's writing. And as to books--he had never detected the "dame de ses
+pensées" in the act of reading anything more intellectual than the words
+for a new Vaudeville, or a letter from her Paris milliner. He had more
+than once proposed to read aloud to her--but either she was seized
+with a fit of unconquerable yawning before he proceeded far in his
+attempt--or the migraine, or the vapours, to which distressing ailments
+she was constitutionally subject--were sure to come on at the
+unfortunate moment of his proposition--and thus, from a combination of
+untoward accidents, he was not only left in ignorance of his mistress's
+higher attainments, but at certain moments of disappointed feeling
+reduced to form conjectures on the subject, compared to which "ignorance
+was bliss;" and to some lingering doubts of the like nature, as well as
+to lover-like impatience, might be attributable the nervous trepidation
+with which he broke the seal of her first letter. That letter!--The
+first glimpse of its contents was a glimpse of Paradise!--The first
+hurried reading transported him to the seventh heaven--and the twentieth
+(of course, dispassionately critical) confirmed him in the fruition
+of its celestial beatitudes. Seriously speaking, Walter Barnard
+must have been a fool, as well as an ingrate, if he had not been
+pleased--enraptured with the sweet, modest, womanly feeling that
+breathed through every line of that dear letter. It was no long one--no
+laboured production--(though perfectly correct as to style and grammar);
+but the artless affection that evinced itself in more than one sentence
+of those two short pages, would have stamped perfection on the whole, in
+Walter's estimation, had it not (as was the case) been throughout
+characterised by a beautiful, yet singular simplicity of expression,
+which surprised not less than it enchanted him. And then--how he
+reproached himself for the mixed emotion!--Why should it surprise him
+that Adrienne wrote thus? His was the inconceivable dulness--the want
+of discernment--of intuitive penetration into the intellectual depths
+of a character, veiled from vulgar eyes by the retiringness of
+self-depreciating delicacy, but which to him would gradually have
+revealed itself, if he had applied himself sedulously to unravel the
+interesting mystery.
+
+Thenceforward, as may well be imagined, the correspondence, so happily
+commenced, was established on the most satisfactory footing, and nothing
+could exceed the delightful interest with which Walter studied the
+beautiful parts of a character, which gradually developed itself as
+their epistolary intercourse proceeded, now enchanting him by its
+peculiar naļveté and innocent sportiveness, now affecting him more
+profoundly, and not less delightfully, by some tone of deep feeling and
+serious sweetness, so well in unison with all the better and higher
+feelings of his own nature, that it was with more than lover-like
+fervour he thanked Heaven for his prospects of happiness with the dear
+and amiable being, whose personal loveliness had now really sunk to a
+secondary rank in his estimation of her charms. A slight shade of the
+reserve which, in his personal intercourse with Adrienne, had kept him
+so unaccountably in the dark with respect to her true character, was
+still perceptible, even in her delightful letters, but only sufficiently
+to give a more piquant interest to their correspondence. It was evident
+that she hung back, as it were, to take from his letters the tone of her
+replies; that on any general subject, it was for him to take the lead,
+though, having done so, whether in allusion to books, or on any topic
+connected with taste or sentiment, she was ever modestly ready to take
+her part in the discussion, with simple good sense and unaffected
+feeling. It was almost unintentionally that he made a first allusion
+to some favourite book; and the letter, containing his remark, was
+despatched before he recollected that he had once been baffled in an
+attempt to enjoy it with Adrienne by the manner (more discouraging than
+indifference) with which she received his proposition, that they should
+read it together. He wished he had not touched upon the subject.
+Adrienne, excellent as was her capacity--spiritual as were her letters,
+might not love reading. He would, if possible, have recalled his letter.
+But its happy inadvertence was no longer matter of regret when the reply
+reached him. _That very book_--his favourite poet--was Adrienne's also!
+and more than one sweet passage she quoted from it! _His favourite_
+passages also! Was ever sympathy so miraculous! And that the dear
+diffident creature should so unaccountably have avoided, when they were
+together, all subjects that might lead to the discovery!
+
+The literary pretensions of the young soldier were by no means those
+of profound scholarship, of deep reading, or even of a very regular
+education; but his tastes were decidedly intellectual, and the charm
+of his intercourse with Adrienne was in no slight degree enhanced by
+the discovery that, on all subjects with which they were mutually
+acquainted, she was fully competent to enter with equal interest.
+
+Absence and lengthened separation are generally allowed to be great
+tests of love, or, more properly speaking, of its truth. In Walter's
+case, they hardly acted as such, for distance had proved to him but a
+_lunette d'approche_, bringing him acquainted with those rare qualities
+in his fair mistress which had been imperceptible during their personal
+intercourse. With what impatience, knowing her as he now did, did he
+anticipate the hour of their union! But it was with something like a
+feeling of disappointment that he remarked in her letters a degree of
+uneasiness on that tender subject, to which (as the period of separation
+drew nearer to a close) he was fain to allude more frequently and
+fondly. One other shade of alloy had crossed at intervals his pleasure
+in their correspondence. Many kind inquiries had he made for la petite
+Madelaine, and many affectionate messages had he sent her. But they were
+either wholly unnoticed, or answered in phrase the most formal and
+laconic,--
+
+"Mlle. du Résnél was well, obliged to Monsieur Walter for his polite
+inquiries.--Desired her compliments."
+
+It was in vain that Walter ventured a half-sportive message in
+reply to this ceremonious return for his frank and affectionate
+remembrances--that, in playful mockery, he requested Adrienne to obtain
+for him "_Mademoiselle du Résnél's_ forgiveness for his temerity in
+still designating her by the familiar title of _La Petite Madelaine_."
+The reply was, if possible, more brief and chilling--so unlike (he could
+not but remark) to that he might reasonably have expected from his
+grateful and warm-hearted little friend, that a strange surmise, or
+rather a revived suspicion, suggested itself as the possible solution
+of his conjectures. But was it possible--(Walter's face flushed as
+bethought of his own _possible_ absurdity in so suspecting)--was
+it in the nature of things--that Adrienne, the peerless, the lovely
+and beloved, should conceive one jealous thought of the poor little
+Madelaine? The supposition was almost too ridiculous to be harboured for
+a moment--and yet _he_ remembered certain passages in their personal
+intercourse, when the strangeness (to use no harsher word) of Adrienne's
+behaviour to her cousin, had awakened in him an indefinite consciousness
+that his good-humoured notice of the poor little girl, and the kind word
+he was ever prompt to speak in her praise when she was absent, were
+likely to be anything but advantageous to her in their effect on the
+feelings of her patroness. One circumstance, in particular, recurred to
+him,--the recollection of a certain _jour de fźte_, when la petite
+Madelaine (who had been dancing at a village gala, kept annually at the
+Manoir du Résnél in honour of Madame's name-day) presented herself,
+late in the evening, at St Hilaire, so blooming from the effects of
+her recent exhilarating exercise--her meek eyes so bright with the
+excitement of innocent gaiety, and her small delicate figure and
+youthful face set off so advantageously by her simple holiday dress,
+especially by her hat, _ą la bergčre_, garlanded with wild roses, that
+even the old people, M. and Mad. de St Hilaire, complimented her on her
+appearance, and himself (after whispering aside to Adrienne, "La Petite
+est jolie ą ravir,") had sprung forward, and whirled her round the salon
+in a _tour de danse_, the effect of which impromptu was assuredly not
+to lessen the bloom upon her cheeks, which flushed over neck and brow,
+as, with the laughing familiarity of a brother, he commended her tasteful
+dress, and especially the pretty hat, which she must wear, and that
+only, he assured her, when she wished to be perfectly irresistible.
+Walter's sportive sally was soon over, and Madelaine's flush of beauty
+(the magical effect of happiness) soon faded. Both yielded to the
+influence of another spell--that wrought by the coldly discouraging
+looks of Adrienne, and by the asperity of the few sentences, which were
+all she condescended to utter during the remainder of the evening. When
+la petite Madelaine reappeared the next morning with her cousin (who,
+on the plea of a migraine, remained till late in her own apartments),
+Walter failed not to remark that her eyes were red and heavy, and that
+her manner was more constrained than usual; neither did it escape his
+observation when Sunday arrived, that the tasteful little hat had been
+strangely metamorphosed, and that when he rallied her on her capricious
+love of changes, which had only spoiled what was before so becoming,
+she stole a half-fearful glance at Adrienne, while rather confusedly
+replying that "it was not her _own_ doing, but that Ma'amselle Justine,
+her cousin's femme-de-chambre, had been permitted by the latter to
+arrange it more fashionably." The subject dropped then, and was never
+resumed; but Walter _then_ made his own comments on it. And now that
+the peculiar tone of Adrienne's letters in referring to Madelaine brought
+former circumstances vividly to mind, it is not surprising that he fell
+into a fit of musing on the _possibility_, which he yet rebuked himself
+for suspecting. It must be confessed that his reflections on the subject
+were of a less displeasing nature than those which had suggested
+themselves on former occasions, before epistolary correspondence with
+his fair betrothed had given him that insight into her character and
+feelings which, strange to say, he had failed to obtain during their
+personal communication. Now he felt assured, that if indeed she were
+susceptible of the weakness he had dared to suspect, it was mingled with
+no unkindly feelings towards her unoffending cousin, but sprang solely
+from the peculiar sensitiveness of her nature, and the exclusive
+delicacy of her affection for himself.
+
+Where ever was the lover--(we say not the husband)--who could dwell but
+with tenderest indulgence on an infirmity of love so flattering to his
+own self-love and self-complacency? We suspect that Walter's fervour was
+anything but cooled by the fancied discovery; and his doubts on the
+subject, if he still harboured any, were wholly dispelled by a
+postscript to Adrienne's next letter, almost amounting, singular as was
+the construction, to an avowal of her own weakness.
+
+In the three fair pages of close writing of which that letter consisted,
+was vouchsafed no word of reply to an interrogatory--the last, he
+secretly resolved, he would ever venture on that subject--whether his
+"little cousin Madelaine," as he had sometimes sportively called her by
+anticipation, had quite forgotten her friend Walter. But on one of the
+outside folds, evidently an after-thought, written hurriedly, and, as it
+seemed, with a trembling hand, was the following postscript:--
+
+"La Petite Madelaine se souvient toujours du bon Walter--Comment
+férait-elle autrement?
+
+"Mais, cependant, qu'il ne soit plus question d'elle dans les lettres de
+Mons. Walter."
+
+"A most strange fancy! an unaccountable caprice of this dear
+Adrienne's!" was Walter's smiling soliloquy. "Some day she shall laugh
+at it with me--but for the present and for ever, be the dear one's will
+my law." Thenceforth "il n'était plus question de la Petite Madelaine"
+in Walter's letters, and in those of Adrienne she was never more alluded
+to.
+
+Mademoiselle de St Hilaire's mind was about this time engrossed by far
+more important personages than her absent lover, or her youthful friend.
+The present occupants, herself (no _new_ one truly), and a certain
+Marquis d'Arval, who would probably have been her first choice, if he
+had not been the selected of her parents. Not that she had by any means
+decided on the rupture of her engagement with Walter (if indeed such a
+contingency had ever formed the subject of her private musings);
+neither, at any rate, would she have dissolved it, till his return
+should compel her to a decision. For his letters were too agreeable, too
+spiritual--too full of that sweet incense that never satiated her
+vanity, to be voluntarily relinquished.
+
+But in the mean time, the correspondence, piquant as it was--a charming
+_passe-temps_!--could not be expected to engross her wholly. Many vacant
+hours still hung upon her hands, wonderful to say, in spite of those
+intellectual and elegant pursuits, the late discovery of which had so
+enraptured the unsophisticated Walter. Who so proper as the Marquis
+d'Arval, then on a visit at the Chateau,--her cousin too--besides being
+the especial favourite of her parents--(dutiful Adrienne!)--to be the
+confidential friend of la belle _délaissée_?--to be in fact the
+substitute of the absent lover, in all those _petits soins_ that so
+agreeably divert the ennui of a fine lady's life, and for which the most
+sentimental correspondence can furnish no equivalent? In the article of
+_petits soins_ indeed (the phrase is perfectly untranslatable), the
+merits of d'Arval were decidedly superior to those of his English
+competitor, whose English feelings and education certainly disqualified
+him for evincing that peculiar tact and nicety of judgment in all
+matters relating to female decoration and occupation, so essential in
+the _cavalier servente_ of a French beauty. Though an excellent French
+scholar, Walter never could compass the nomenclature of shades and
+colours, so familiar and expressive to French tongues and tastes. He
+blundered perpetually between "rose tendre," and "rose foncée;" and was
+quite at fault if referred to as arbitrator between the respective
+merits of "Boue de Paris," or "Crapeau mort d'amour."
+
+Achilles, in his female weeds, was never more awkward at his task than
+poor Walter, when appointed, by especial favour, to the office of
+arranging the ribbon collar, or combing the silken mane and ruffled paws
+of Silvie, Adrienne's little _chien lion_. And though ready enough (as
+we have seen) to importune his mistress with worthless offerings of
+paltry wild-flowers, it never entered his simple fancy to present her
+with small, compact bouquets, sentimentally and scientifically combined
+(the pensée never omitted, if in season), the stems wound together with
+silk of appropriate hue, or wrapped round with a motto, or well-turned
+couplet. In these, and all accomplishments of a similar nature, Walter
+Barnard's genius was immeasurably distanced by that of the Marquis
+d'Arval.
+
+The latter was also peculiarly interesting in his character of a
+despairing lover; and his attentions were particularly well-timed, at a
+season when the absence of the happy lover had made a vacuum in the life
+(of course not the _heart_) of Adrienne, who on her part was actuated by
+motives of pure humanity in consoling d'Arval (as far as circumstances
+permitted) for the success of his rival, by proofs of her warmest
+friendship and tenderest commiseration.
+
+Since the Marquis's arrival at St Hilaire, his universal genius had in
+great measure superseded la petite Madelaine in her office of exorcist
+to the demon of ennui, her fair cousin's relentless persecutor. She was
+therefore less frequently, or rather less constantly, at the
+Chateau--though still summoned to secret conference in Adrienne's
+boudoir, and often detained there for hours by consultations or
+occupations of that private and confidential nature, so interesting to
+the generality of young ladies who have lovers in their hearts or heads,
+though the details might be insipid to the general reader, if it were
+even allowable to reveal mysteries little less sacred than the
+Eleusinian.
+
+It might have been inferred, however, that la petite Madelaine was but
+an unwilling sharer of those secret conferences; for she often retired
+from them with looks of more grave and even careful expression, than
+were well in character with the youthful countenance, and an air of
+dejection that ill suited the recent listener to a happy love-tale. And
+when her services (whatever were their nature) were no longer required,
+Adrienne evinced no inclination to detain her at St Hilaire.
+
+She was still, however, politely and even kindly welcomed by the owners
+of the Chateau; but when no longer necessary to the contentment of their
+idolised daughter, the absence or presence of la petite Madelaine became
+to them a matter of the utmost indifference, and by degrees she became
+painfully sensible that there is a wide difference in being accounted
+_nobody_ with respect to our individual consequence, or in relation to
+our capabilities for contributing, however humbly, to the comfort and
+happiness of others. To the first species of insignificance Madelaine
+had been early accustomed, and easily reconciled; but the second pressed
+heavily on her young heart--and perhaps the more so, at St Hilaire, for
+the perpetually recurring thoughts of a time still recent--("the happy
+time," as that poor girl accounted it in her scant experience of
+happiness)--when she had a friend there who, however his heart was
+devoted to her cousin, had never missed an occasion of showing kindness
+to herself, and of evincing to her, by those attentions which pass
+unnoticed when accepted as a due, but are so precious to persons
+situated as was la petite Madelaine, that to him at least her pains and
+pleasures, her tastes, her feelings, and her welfare, were by no means
+indifferent or unimportant. The dew of kindness never falls on any soil
+so grateful as the young heart unaccustomed to its genial influence.
+After-benefits, more weighty and important, fail not in noble natures to
+inspire commensurate gratitude--but they cannot call forth that burst of
+enthusiastic feeling, awakened by the first experienced kindness, like
+the sudden verdure of a dry seed-bed called into life and luxuriance by
+the first warm shower of spring.
+
+La petite Madelaine's natural home was at no time, as has been observed,
+a very happy one to her. And now that it was more her home than for some
+years it had been, time had wrought no favourable change in her
+circumstances there. Time had not infused more tenderness towards her
+into the maternal feelings of Madame du Résnél--though it had worked its
+usual effect of increasing the worldliness, and hardening the hardness,
+of her nature. Time had not dulcified the tempers of the three elder
+Mademoiselles du Résnél, by providing with husbands the two cadettes
+between them and Madelaine. And time had cruelly curtailed the few home
+joys of the poor Madelaine, by sending le petit frčre to college, and by
+delivering up to his great receiver, Death--her only other friend--the
+faithful and affectionate Jeannette. Of the few that had once loved her
+in her father's house, only the old dog was left to welcome her more
+permanent abode there; and one would have thought he was sensible of the
+added responsibilities death and absence had devolved upon him.
+Forsaking his long-accustomed place on the sunny pavement of the south
+stone courtyard, he established himself at the door of the salon if she
+was within it, himself not being privileged to enter there--or with his
+young mistress in her own little turret-chamber, where he had all
+_entrées_--or even to her favourite arbour in the garden he contrived to
+creep with her, though his old limbs were too feeble to accompany her
+beyond that short distance. And when they were alone together, he would
+look up in her face with such a "human meaning" in his dim eyes, as
+spoke to Madelaine's heart, as plainly and more affectingly than words
+could have spoken--"I only am left to love my master's daughter, and who
+but she cares for old Roland?"
+
+In the mean time, Walter's year of probation was fast drawing to a
+close; and his return to St Hilaire, and all thereon depending, was
+looked forward to with very different feelings by himself (the happy
+expectant!) by the inhabitants of the Chateau, and by its still
+occasional inmate, the little Maiden of the Manoir, whose meditations on
+the subject were not the less frequent and profound, because to her it
+was obviously one of little personal interest. Monsieur and Madame de St
+Hilaire had watched with intense anxiety the fancied progress of the
+Marquis d'Arval in supplanting the absent Walter in the affections of
+their daughter. But experience had taught them that the surest means of
+effecting their wishes was to refrain from expressing them to the
+dutiful Adrienne. So they looked on, and kept silence, with hopes that
+became fainter as the decisive period approached, and they observed that
+the lovers' correspondence was unslackened, and the Marquis made no
+interesting communication to them of that success on his part which, he
+was well aware, they would receive as most gratifying intelligence. On
+the contrary, he found it necessary, about this time, to make a journey
+to Paris, and to his estates in Languedoc; but as he still seemed
+devoted to Adrienne, and his devotions were evidently accepted with the
+sweetest complacency, the bewildered parents still cherished a belief
+that the young people mutually understood each other--that d'Arval's
+temporary absence had been concerted between them, from motives of
+prudence and delicacy with respect to Walter, and that when the latter
+arrived, their daughter would either require him to release her from her
+rash engagement, or empower them to acquaint him with her change of
+sentiments.
+
+Nothing could be farther from truth, however, than this fancied
+arrangement of the worthy elders. Whatever were d'Arval's ultimate
+views and hopes, he had contented himself during his visit with
+playing the favourite lover _pro tempore_. Perhaps he was too
+honourable to take further advantage of his rival's absence--perhaps
+too delicate, too romantic, to owe his mistress's hand to any but her
+cool after-decision, unbiassed by his fascinating presence. In short,
+whatever was the reason, he was _au désespoir--accablé!--anéanti!_
+But he departed, leaving la belle Adrienne very much in doubt whether
+his departure was desirable or otherwise. It certainly demolished a
+pretty little airy fabric she had amused herself with constructing
+at odd idle moments of tender reverie; such as a meeting of the
+rivals--jealousy--reproaches--an interesting dilemma--desperation on one
+side (she had not settled which)--rapture on the other--defiance to
+mortal combat--bloodshed, perhaps. But these feelings drew a veil over
+the imaginary picture, and passed on to the sweet anticipation of
+rewarding the survivor. If the marring of so ingenious a fancy sketch
+were somewhat vexatious, on the other hand it would be agreeable enough
+to be quite at liberty (for a time at least), after Walter's return, to
+resume her former relations with him. And as to the result, whatever was
+_his_ impatience, that might still be delayed, and the Marquis would
+return. She was sure of him, if after all she should decide in his
+favour; and then, who could tell--the fancy sketch might be completed at
+last. La petite Madelaine was not of course made the depositary of her
+fair cousin's private cogitations; but she had her own, as has been
+observed, and she saw, and thought, and drew her inferences--devoutly
+hated Le Marquis d'Arval--could not love her cousin--and pitied--Oh! how
+she pitied le bon Walter!
+
+Le bon Walter, whose term of banishment was now within three weeks of
+expiration, would have accounted himself the most enviable of mortals,
+but for his almost ungovernable impatience at the tedious interval which
+was yet to separate him from his beloved; and for a slight shade of
+disquietude at certain rumours respecting a certain Marquis d'Arval,
+which had reached him through the medium of the friend (the chaplain of
+his regiment), whose visit to his family established at Caen had been
+the means of inducing Walter to accompany him thither, little dreaming,
+while quietly acquiescing in his friend's arrangements, to what
+conclusions (so momentous for himself) they were unwittingly tending.
+The brother and sister-in-law of Mr Seldon (the clerical friend alluded
+to) were still resident at Caen, and acquainted, though not on terms of
+intimacy, with the families of St Hilaire and Du Résnél. La petite
+Madelaine was, however, better known to them than any other individual
+of the two households. They had been at first kindly interested for her,
+by observing the degree of unmerited slight to which she was subjected
+in her own family, and the species of half dependence on the capricious
+kindness of others to which it had been the means of reducing her. The
+subdued but not servile spirit with which she submitted to undeserved
+neglect and innumerable mortifications, interested them still more
+warmly in her favour; and on the few occasions when they obtained
+permission for her to visit them at Caen, the innocent playfulness of
+her sweet and gentle nature shone out so engagingly in the sunshine
+of encouragement, and her affectionate gratitude evinced itself so
+artlessly, that they felt they could have loved her tenderly, had she
+been at liberty to give them as much of her society as she was inclined
+to do. But heartlessness and jealousy are not incompatible, and Mlle. de
+St Hilaire was jealous of everything she condescended to patronise.
+Besides, la petite Madelaine had been too useful to her in various ways
+to be dispensed with; and when, latterly, the capricious beauty became
+indifferent, or rather averse to her continuance at the Chateau beyond
+the stated period of secret service in the mysterious boudoir, Madelaine
+was well content to escape to her own unkindly home; and, strange
+to say, better satisfied with the loneliness of her own little
+turret-chamber, or the dumb companionship of poor Roland, and with the
+drudgery of household needlework (always her portion at home), than even
+in the society of her amiable friends at Caen, to which she might then
+have resorted more unrestrainedly. But though they saw her seldom, the
+depression of her spirits and her altered looks passed not unnoticed
+by them. And although she uttered no complaint of her cousin, it was
+evident that at St Hilaire she was no longer treated even with the
+fitful kindness and scant consideration which was all she had ever
+experienced. These remarks led naturally, on the part of the Seldons, to
+close observance of the conduct of Mlle. de St Hilaire with the Marquis
+d'Arval--a subject to which common report had already drawn their
+attention, and which, as affecting the welfare of their friend Walter
+Barnard, could not be indifferent to them. They saw and heard and
+ascertained enough to convince them that his honest affections and
+generous confidence were unworthily bestowed, and that a breach of
+faith the most dishonourable was likely to prove the ultimate reward of
+his high-raised expectations. So satisfied, they felt it a point of
+conscience to communicate to him, through the medium of his friend (and
+in the way and to the extent judged advisable by the latter), such
+information as might, in some degree, prepare him for the shock they
+anticipated, or at least stimulate him to sharp investigation. The
+office devolved upon Mr Seldon was by no means an enviable one; but he
+was too sincerely Walter's friend to shrink from it, and by cautious
+degrees he communicated to him that information which had cast the first
+shade over his love-dream of speedy reunion with the object of his
+affections.
+
+It was well for the continuance of their friendship that Mr Seldon,
+in his communication to Walter, had not only proceeded with infinite
+caution, but had armed himself with coolness and forbearance in the
+requisite degree, for the young man's impetuous nature flamed out
+indignantly at the first insinuation against the truth of his beloved.
+And when, at last--after angry interruptions, and wrathful sallies
+innumerable--he had been made acquainted with the circumstances which,
+in the opinion of his friends, warranted suspicions so unfavourable to
+her, he professed utter astonishment, not unmixed with resentment, at
+their supposing his confidence in Adrienne could be for one moment
+shaken by appearances or misrepresentations, which had so unworthily
+imposed on their own judgment and candour.
+
+After the first burst of irritation, however, Walter professed his
+entire conviction of, and gratitude for, the good intentions of his
+friends; but requested of Seldon that the subject, which he dismissed
+from his own mind as perfectly unworthy of a second thought, should not
+be revived in their discussions; and Seldon, conscientiously satisfied
+with having done as much as discretion warranted in the discharge of his
+delicate commission, gladly assented to the proposition.
+
+But in such cases it is easier to disbelieve than to forget; and it
+is among the countless perversenesses of the human mind, to retain
+most tenaciously, and recur most pertinaciously to, that which the
+will professes most peremptorily to dismiss. Walter's disbelief was
+spontaneous and sincere. So was his immediate protest against ever
+recurring, even in thought, to a subject so contemptible. But, like the
+little black box that haunted the merchant Abudah, it lodged itself,
+spite of all opposition, in a corner of his memory, from which not all
+his efforts could expel it at all times; though the most successful
+exorcism (the never-failing _pro tempore_) was a reperusal of those
+precious letters, in every one of which he found evidence of the lovely
+writer's ingenuousness and truth, worthy to outweigh, in her lover's
+heart, a world's witness against her. But from the hour of Seldon's
+communication, Walter's impatience to be at St Hilaire became so
+ungovernable, that finding his friend (Mr ---- was again to be the
+companion of his journey) not unwilling to accompany him immediately, he
+obtained the necessary furlough, although it yet wanted nearly three
+weeks of the prescribed year's expiration; and although he had just
+despatched a letter to the lady of his love, full of anticipation,
+relating only to that period, he was on his way to the place of
+embarkation before that letter had reached French ground, and arrived
+at Caen (though travelling, to accommodate his friend, by a circuitous
+route) but a few days after its reception at St Hilaire.
+
+The travellers reached their place of destination so early in the day,
+that, after a friendly greeting with Mr and Mrs Charles Seldon (though
+not without a degree of embarrassment on either side, from recollection
+of a certain proscribed topic), Walter excused himself from partaking
+their late dinner, and with a beating heart (in which, truth to tell,
+some undefinable fear mingled with delightful expectation) took his
+impatient way along the well-remembered footpaths that led through
+pleasant fields and orchards, by a short cut, to the Chateau de St
+Hilaire. He stopped for a moment at the old mill, near the entrance-gate
+of the domain, to exchange a friendly greeting with the miller's wife,
+who was standing at her door, and dropt him a curtsy of recognition. The
+mill belonged to the Manoir du Résnél, and its respectable rentiers
+were, he knew, humble friends of la petite Madelaine; so, in common
+kindness, he could do no otherwise than linger a moment, to make
+inquiries for _her_ welfare, and that of her fair cousin, and their
+respective families. It may be supposed that Walter's latent motive for
+so general, as well as particular an inquiry, was to gain from the reply
+something like a glance at the Carte du Pays he was about to enter--not
+without a degree of nervous trepidation, with the causelessness of which
+he reproached himself in vain, though he had resisted the temptation
+of putting one question to the Seldons, who might have drawn from it
+inferences of misgivings on his part, the existence of which he was far
+from acknowledging even to his own heart.
+
+"Mademoiselle Madelaine was at the Chateau that evening," the dame
+informed him--"and there was no other company, for M. le Marquis left
+it for Paris three days ago."--Walter drew breath more freely at
+_that_ article of intelligence.--"Some people had thought M. le Marquis
+would carry off Mademoiselle after all"--(Walter bit his lip);--"but
+now Monsieur was returned, doubtless"--and a look and simper of
+vast knowingness supplied the conclusion of the sentence. "Au
+reste--Mademoiselle was well, and as beautiful as ever; but for 'cette
+chčre petite,' [meaning la petite Madelaine],--she was sadly changed of
+late, though she did not complain of illness--_she never_ complained,
+though everybody knew her home was none of the happiest, and (for what
+cause the good dame knew not) she was not so much as formerly at St
+Hilaire."
+
+Walter was really concerned at the bonne femme's account of his little
+friend, but at that moment he could spare but a passing thought to any
+subject save one; and having gleaned all the intelligence he was likely
+to obtain respecting it, he cut short the colloquy with a hasty "Bon
+soir," and bounded on his way with such impetuous speed, that the
+entrance-gate of St Hilaire was still vibrating with the swing with
+which it had closed behind him, when he was half through the avenue, and
+just at one of its side openings into a little grove, or labyrinth, in
+which was a building, called Le Pavillon de Diane. He stopped to gaze
+for a moment at the gleam of its white walls, discernible through an
+opening in the thicket, for the sight was associated with many "blissful
+memories." But the present _was all_ to him, and again he was starting
+onward, when his steps were arrested by sounds that mingled with the
+cooing of the wood-pigeon among "the umbrageous multitude of leaves."
+
+Other sounds were none at that stillest hour of the still sultry
+evening; and among the mingled tones, Walter's ear caught some not to be
+mistaken, for the voice that uttered them was that of Adrienne. Its
+breathings were, however, in a higher and less mellifluous key than
+those of the plaintive bird; but a third voice, sweeter than either,
+uttered a low undertone, and _that_ voice was the voice of Madelaine.
+Quick was the ear of Walter to recognise and distinguish those familiar
+accents, but its sense of melody yielded _of course_ to the fond
+prejudice, which could not have been expected to find harshness in the
+tones of his mistress, or allow superior sweetness to those of another
+voice. Whatever were his secret thoughts on that head, it is not to be
+supposed that at such a moment he stopped to compare the "wood-notes
+wild," as coolly and critically as if he were weighing the merits of a
+pair of opera-singers. No--after a second of attention--not half a one
+of doubt--he sprang aside from the road leading to the mansion, and was
+lightly and swiftly threading the tortuous woodpath, and could now
+discern, through one of its bowery archways, the sparkling of the little
+fountain that played before one of the three entrances to the pavilion,
+and another turn of the sylvan puzzle would have brought him to the
+spot; but in his impatience he lost the well-known clue, and in a moment
+found himself at the back, instead of the front of the small temple.
+The corner would have been rounded at three steps; but at that
+critical moment, a word spoken by the most vehement of the fair
+colloquists--spoken at the highest key of a voice, whose powers Walter
+was now for the first time fully aware of--arrested his steps as by art
+magic. His own name was uttered, associated with words of such strange
+import, that Walter's astonishment, overpowering his reflective
+faculties, made him excusable in remaining, as he did, rooted to the
+spot, a listener to what passed within.
+
+That strange colloquy consisted, on one side, of taunts, and
+accusations, and menaces. On the other, of a few deprecating words--a
+sigh or two--and something like a suppressed sob--and lastly, of an
+assurance, uttered with a trembling voice, that the speaker "never had
+harboured the slightest thought of betraying the secret she was privy
+to, or entertained any hope less humble than to be permitted to stay
+unnoticed and unremembered in her own home"----where she "would be
+equally uncared for," was probably her heart's muttered conclusion, for
+the word _home_ trembled on her tongue, and she burst into an agony
+of tears.
+
+Neither the gentle appeal, nor the gush of distressful feeling in which
+it terminated, seemed to touch the heartless person it was addressed to,
+for there was no softening in the voice with which, as she quitted the
+pavilion, she issued her commands, that on her return some half-hour
+hence, "the letter should be finished, and not more stupidly than
+usual, or it would be _ą refaire_." And so departed the imperious
+task-mistress, and as her steps died away, and the angry rustling of her
+robes, the tinkling of the little fountain was again heard chiming with
+the stock-doves' murmurs, and within the temple all was profoundly
+still, except at intervals a smothered sob, and then a deep and
+heart-relieving sigh, the last audible token of subsiding passion. And
+Walter was still rooted, spell-bound--immovable in the same spot. Lost
+in a confusion of thoughts, that left him scarcely conscious of his own
+identity, of the reality of the scene around him, or of the strange
+circumstances in which he found himself so suddenly involved--more than
+a few moments it required to restore to him the power of clear
+perception and comprehension, but not one, when that was regained, to
+decide on the course he should pursue.
+
+Quickly and lightly he stepped round the angle of the building to the
+side entrance (like the two others, an open archway), through which his
+eye glanced over the whole interior, till it rested on the one living
+object of interest. At some little distance, with her back towards him,
+sat la petite Madelaine, one elbow resting on the table before her, her
+head disconsolately bowed on the supporting hand, which half concealed
+her face; the other, with a pen held nervously by the small fingers, lay
+idle beside the half-finished letter outspread before her. Once she
+languidly raised her head and looked upon it, with a seeming effort
+dipped her pen in the ink, and held it a moment suspended over the line
+to be filled up. But the task seemed too painful to her, and with a
+heavy sigh she suffered her head to drop aside into its former position,
+and her hand, still loosely holding the inactive pen, to fall listlessly
+upon the paper. During this short pantomime, Walter had stolen
+noiselessly across the matted floor, to the back of Madelaine's chair,
+and knowing _all he now knew_, felt no conscientious scruple about the
+propriety of reading over her shoulder the contents of the unfinished
+letter. They were but what he was prepared to see, and yet his trance of
+amazement was for a moment renewed by ocular demonstration to the truth
+of what had been hitherto revealed to one of his senses only. The letter
+was to himself--the reply to his last, addressed to Mlle. de St
+Hilaire--the continuation of that delightful series he had for the last
+twelve-month nearly been in the blissful habit of receiving from his
+adored Adrienne. Here was the same autograph--the same tournure de
+phrase--the same tone of thought and feeling (though less lively and
+unembarrassed than in her earlier letters)--and yet the hand that
+traced, the mind that guided, and the heart that dictated, were the hand
+and mind and heart of Madelaine du Résnél!
+
+"Madelaine! dear Madelaine!" were the first whispered words by which
+Walter ventured to make his presence known to her. But low as was the
+whisper--gentle as were the accents--a thunder-clap could not have
+produced an effect more electric. Starting from her seat with a half
+shriek, she would have fallen to the ground from excess of agitation and
+surprise, but for Walter's supporting arm, and it required a world of
+soothing and affectionate gentleness to restore her to any degree of
+self-possession. Her first impulse, on regaining it, was the honourable
+one of endeavouring to remove from Walter's observation the letter that
+had been designed for his perusal under circumstances so different; but
+quietly laying his hand upon the outspread paper, as she turned to
+snatch it from the table, with the other arm he gently drew her from it
+to himself, and with a smile in which there was more of tender than
+bitter feeling, said--"It is too late, Madelaine--I know all--who could
+have thought you such a little impostor!" Poor little Madelaine! never
+was mortal maiden so utterly confounded, so bewildered as she, by the
+detection, and by her own hurried and almost unintelligible attempts to
+deprecate what, in the simplicity of her heart, she fancied must be the
+high indignation of Walter at _her_ share of the imposition so long
+practised on him.
+
+Whether it was that, in the course of her agitated pleading, she spied
+relenting in the eyes to which hers were raised so imploringly, or a
+_something_ even more encouraging in their expression, or in the
+pressure of the hands which clasped hers, upraised in the vehemence of
+supplication, certain it is that she stopped short in the middle of a
+sentence--with a tear in her eye and a blush on her cheek, and something
+like a dawning smile on the lip that still quivered with emotion, and
+that "Le bon Walter" magnanimously illustrated by his conduct the
+hackneyed maxim, that
+
+     "Forgiveness to the injured doth belong,"--
+
+and that plenary absolution, and perfect reconciliation, _were_ granted
+and effected, may be fairly inferred from the testimony of the miller's
+wife, who, still lingering at the threshold when the grey twilight was
+brightening into cloudless moonlight, spied Walter and Madelaine
+advancing slowly down the dark chestnut avenue, so intent in earnest
+conversation (doubtless on grave and weighty matters), that they passed
+through the gate, and by the door where she stood, without once looking
+to the right or left, or, in consequence, observing their old friend as
+she stept forward to exchange the evening salutation. The same deponent,
+moreover, testified, that (from no motive of curiosity, but motherly
+concern for the safety of Madelaine, should Walter, striking off into
+the road to Caen, leave her at that late hour to pursue her solitary
+way through the Manoir) she took heed to their further progress, and
+ascertained, to her entire satisfaction, that so far from unknightly
+desertion of his fair charge, Walter (seemingly inclined to protect his
+guardianship to the last possible moment) accompanied her through her
+home domain till quite within sight of the Chateau, and even there
+lingered so long in his farewell, that it might have tired out the
+patience of the miller's wife, if the supper-bell had not sounded from
+the mansion, and broken short as kind a leave-taking as ever preceded
+the separation of dearest friends.
+
+It must be quite needless to say, that Walter Barnard appeared not that
+night at the Chateau de St Hilaire, where his return to Normandy was of
+course equally unknown with his late visit to the pavilion. Great was
+the wrath of the lovely Adrienne, when, on her return thither, soon
+after the expiration of the time she had allotted for the performance of
+Madelaine's task, she found _la place vide_--that the daring impertinent
+had not only taken the liberty of departing undismissed (doubtless in
+resentment of fancied wrongs), but had taken with her the letter that
+was to have been finished in readiness for the postman's call that
+evening on his way to Caen. The contretemps was absolutely too much for
+the sensitive nerves of la belle Adrienne, agitated as they had been
+during the day by a communication made to her parents, and through them
+"to his adorable cousin," by the Marquis d'Arval, that his contract of
+marriage with a rich and beautiful heiress of his own province was on
+the point of signature.
+
+"Le perfide!" was the smothered ejaculation of his fair friend on
+receiving this gratifying intelligence from her dejected parents, thus
+compelled to relinquish their last feeble hope of seeing their darling
+united to the husband of their choice. To the darling herself the new
+return of Walter became suddenly an object of tender interest. Nothing
+could be so natural as her immediate anxiety to express this impatience
+in a reply to his last letter, and nothing could be more natural than
+that she should fall into a paroxysm of nervous irritation at the
+frustration of this amiable design, by the daring desertion of her
+chargé-d'affaires. But she was too proud to send for her, or to her: it
+would look like acknowledgment of error. She would "die first," and "the
+little impertinent would return of her own accord, humble enough, no
+doubt, and she _should_ be humbled." But for the next two days nothing
+was heard or seen of "the little impertinent" at the Chateau de St
+Hilaire. On the third, still no sign of her repentance, by reappearance,
+word, or token. On the fourth, Adrienne's resolution could hold out
+against her necessities no longer, and she was on the point of going
+herself in quest of the guilty Madelaine, when she learned the
+astounding tidings that Walter had been five days returned to Caen, and
+on that very morning when the news first reached her,----
+
+But Walter's proceedings must be briefly related more veraciously than
+by the blundering tongue of common rumour, which reported them to
+Adrienne. He had returned to Caen, and to the hospitable home of his
+English friends, to whose ear, of course, he confided his tale of
+disappointed hopes. But, as it should seem by the mirthful bearing of
+the small party assembled that night round the supper-table after his
+affecting disclosure, not only had it failed in exciting sympathy for
+the abused lover, but he himself, by some unaccountable caprice, was, to
+all appearance, the happiest of the social group.
+
+Grave matters, as well as trivial, were, however, debated that night
+round the supper-table of the English party; and of the four assembled,
+as neither had attained the coolness and experience of twenty-six
+complete summers, and two of the four (the married pair) had forfeited
+all pretensions to worldly wisdom by a romantic love-match, it is not
+much to be wondered at that Prudence was scarcely admitted to a share in
+the consultation, and that she was unanimously outvoted in conclusion.
+
+The cabinet council sat till past midnight, yet Walter Barnard was awake
+next morning, and "stirring with the lark," and brushing the dew-drops
+from the wild-brier sprays, as he bounded by them through the fields,
+on his way to----_not_ St Hilaire.
+
+Again in the gloaming he was espied by the miller's wife, threading the
+same path to the same trysting-place--for that it _was_ a trysting-place
+she had ocular demonstration--and again the next day matins and vespers
+were as duly said by the same parties in the same oratory, and Dame
+Simonne was privy to the same, and yet she had not whispered her
+knowledge even to the reeds. How much longer the unnatural retention
+might have continued, would have been a curious metaphysical question,
+had not circumstances, interfering with the ends of science, hurried on
+an "unforeseen conclusion."
+
+On the third morning the usual tryst was kept at the accustomed place,
+at an earlier hour than on the preceding days; but shorter parley
+sufficed on this occasion, for the two who met there with no cold
+greeting, turned together into the pleasant path, so lately traced on
+his way from the town with beating heart, by one who retraced his
+footsteps even more eagerly, with the timid companion, who went
+consentingly, but not self-excused.
+
+Sharp and anxious was the watch kept by the miller's wife for the return
+of the pair, whose absence for the next two hours she was at no loss to
+account for; but they tarried beyond that period, and Dame Simonne was
+growing fidgety at their non-appearance, when she caught sight of their
+advancing figures, at the same moment that the gate of the Manoir swung
+open, and forth issued the stately forms of Madame and Mesdemoiselles du
+Résnél!
+
+Dame Simonne's senses were well-nigh confounded at the sight, and well
+they might, for well she knew what one so unusual portended--and there
+was no time--not a moment--not a possibility to warn the early
+pedestrians who were approaching, so securely unconscious of the
+impending crisis. They were to have parted as before at the Manoir
+gate--to have parted for many months of separation--one to return to
+England, the other to her nearer home, till such time as----. But the
+whole prudential project was in a moment overset. The last winding of
+the path was turned, and the advancing parties stood confronted! For a
+moment, mute, motionless as statues--a smile of malicious triumph on the
+countenances of Mesdemoiselles du Résnél--on that of their dignified
+mother, a stern expression of concentrated wrath, inexorable,
+implacable. But her speech was even more calm and deliberate than usual,
+as she requested to know what business of importance had led the young
+lady so far from her home at that early hour, and to what fortunate
+chance she was indebted for the escort of Monsieur Barnard? The _grand
+secret_ might still have been kept. Walter was about to speak--he
+scarce knew what--perhaps to divulge _in part_--for to tell all
+prematurely was ruin to them both. But before he could articulate a
+word, Madame du Résnél repeated her interrogatory in a tone of more
+peremptory sternness, and la petite Madelaine, trembling at this sound,
+quailing under the cold and searching gaze that accompanied it, and all
+unused to the arts of deception and prevarication, sank on her knees
+where she had stopped at some distance from her incensed parent, and
+faltered out with uplifted hands,--"Mais--mais, maman! je viens de me
+marier!"
+
+The truth was told--the full, the simple truth--and no sooner told than
+Walter's better nature rejoiced at the disclosure, rejoiced at its
+release from the debasing shackles imposed by worldly considerations,
+and grateful to the young ingenuous creature whose impulsive honesty had
+saved them both from perseverance in the dangerous paths of deception,
+even at the cost of those important advantages which might have resulted
+from a temporary concealment of their union. Tenderly raising and
+supporting her he was now free to call his own in the sight of men and
+angels, he drew her gently towards the incensed parent, the expected
+storm of whose just wrath he prepared himself to meet respectfully, and
+to deprecate with all due humility. But the preparation proved perfectly
+unnecessary. Madame du Résnél, whose rigidity of feature had relaxed
+into no change of line or muscle indicative of surprise or emotion
+at her daughter's abrupt confession, now listened with equally
+imperturbable composure to Walter's rather hurried and confused attempts
+at excusing what was, in the strict sense, inexcusable; and to his frank
+and manly professions of attachment to her daughter, and of his desire,
+if he might be received as a son by that daughter's mother, to prove, by
+every act of his future life, his sense of such generous forgiveness.
+Having heard him to the end, with the most exemplary patience and
+faultless good-breeding, Madame du Résnél begged to assure Monsieur
+Barnard, that, "so far from assuming to herself any right of censure
+over him or his actions, past, present, or to come, she begged leave to
+assure him she was incapable of such impertinent interference; and that,
+with regard to the lady who had ceased to be her daughter on becoming
+the wife of Monsieur Barnard, she resigned from that moment all claims
+on the duty she had violated, and all control over her future actions.
+Les effets appartenant ą Mademoiselle Madelaine du Résnél--[poor little
+Madelaine, few and little worth were thy worldly goods!]--should be
+ready for delivery to any authorised claimant." "Au reste"--Madame du
+Résnél had the honour to felicitate Monsieur and Madame Barnard on their
+auspicious union, and to wish them a very good morning--an adieu sans
+au revoir--with which tender conclusion she dropped a profound and
+dignified curtsy, and with her attendant daughters (who dutifully
+followed the maternal example) passed through the gate of the Manoir,
+and closed it after her, with no violence, but a deliberate firmness,
+that spoke to those without more convincingly than words could have
+expressed it--"Henceforward, and for ever, this barrier is closed
+against you."
+
+That moment was one of bitterness to the new-made wife--to the discarded
+daughter; and, for a time, all the feelings that had led to her
+violation of filial duty--all the excuses she had framed to herself
+for breaking its sacred obligations--all the "shortcomings" of love she
+had been subjected to in her own home--and all--ay, even all the love,
+passing speech, which had bound up her life with Walter Barnard's--all
+was forgotten--merged in one absorbing agony of distress, at the sudden
+and violent wrench-asunder of Nature's first and holiest ties. She clung
+to the side-post of the old gate that opened to her paternal domain--to
+the house of her fathers. She kissed the bars that excluded her for
+ever. Was it for ever? A gleam of hope brightened in her streaming
+eyes--"Her dear Armand! Le petit frčre would return to the Manoir, and
+_he_ would never shut its gates against poor Madelaine."
+
+Her husband availed himself of the auspicious moment; he encouraged her
+hopes, and she listened with the eager simplicity of a child; he spoke
+words of comfort, and she was comforted; of love, and she forgot her
+fault and her remorse--her home--her friends--the world--and everything
+in it but himself.
+
+Three days from that ever-memorable morning, la petite Madelaine stood
+with her husband upon English ground, but for him, a stranger in a
+strange land--the portionless bride of a poor subaltern. For though she
+had brought with her all the "effets" which, through Madame's special
+indulgence, she had been permitted to remove from her own little
+turret-chamber, they helped but poorly towards the future ménage,
+consisting only of her scanty wardrobe, a few books (her most precious
+property), a little embroidered purse, containing a louis-d'or, sundry
+old silver coins, and pičces de dix sous, a bonbonničre full of dragées,
+a birthday present from le petit frčre, a gold etui, the gift of her
+grandmother, and a pair of silver sugar-tongs, the bequest of old
+Jeannette. To this splendid inventory she was, however, graciously
+allowed to annex the transfer of honest Roland, her father's ancient
+servitor, who, as if endowed with rational comprehension, made shift to
+leap into the cart which conveyed to Caen the poor possessions of his
+master's daughter, and came crouching to her feet, with looks and
+actions needing no interpretation to speak intelligibly--"Mistress!
+lead on, and I will follow thee."
+
+The married pair were indeed embarked together on a rough sea, with
+little provision for the voyage, to which they had been in a manner
+prematurely driven; but, by the blessing of Providence, they weathered
+out its storms, now sheltering for a season in some calm and friendly
+haven, and anon compelled (but with recruited courage) to renew their
+conflict with the winds and waves. But throughout, their hearts were
+strong, for they were faithfully united; and that devoted affection for
+her husband, which had saved the heart of Madelaine from breaking in its
+first and sharpest agony (the sharpest, because mingled with remorse),
+was the continued support and sweetener of her after-life, through a lot
+of infinite vicissitude.
+
+If haply I have evinced some partiality to poor little Madelaine, even
+in the detail of her unsanctioned nuptials, accuse me not, reader, of
+making light of the sin of filial disobedience. I have told you that
+_she judged herself_;--let you and I do likewise, and abstain from
+passing sentence on others. But if your Christian charity, righteous
+reader! is so rigidly exacting as to require punishment as well as
+penitence, be comforted even on that score, and lay the assurance to
+your feeling heart, that la petite Madelaine _had_ her full share of
+worldly troubles; the last and crowning one of all, that she was doomed
+to be, by some years, the survivor of the husband of her youth--the
+friend and companion of her life--the prop and staff of her declining
+days.
+
+But she was not long an outcast from her own people and her early home.
+"Le petit frčre" found means, soon after the attainment of his majority,
+and the full rights and titles it conferred on him, as lord of himself
+and the Manoir du Résnél, to prevail on his lady-mother (who still
+remained mistress of the establishment) to receive, on the footing of
+occasional guests, her long-banished child, with her English husband.
+From that time, Monsieur du Résnél proved himself, on all occasions, the
+affectionate brother and unfailing friend of Walter and Madelaine; and
+the good understanding then established between themselves and Madame du
+Résnél was never interrupted, though jealousies among the elder sisters
+were always at work to undermine it by innumerable petty artifices.
+Madame was not their dupe, however. Nature had formed her with a cold
+heart, but a strong understanding. She felt and knew that the respect
+and attention invariably shown towards her by Madelaine and her husband,
+were the fruits of right principle and kindly disposition, unswayed by
+any interested consideration, and that her other daughters were actuated
+by the sordid view of appropriating to themselves exclusively, at her
+decease, the small hoard she might have accumulated in the long course
+of her rigid and undeviating economy. As the burden of years pressed
+more heavily upon her, she became more and more sensible of the worth
+and tenderness of her once-slighted Madelaine; and when circumstances
+made it expedient that she should remove from her son's roof, she took
+up her last lodging among the living under that of the dutiful child,
+whose widowed sorrows were soothed by her tender performance of the
+sacred duty which had thus unexpectedly devolved upon her.
+
+When the mother and daughter were reunited under circumstances so
+affecting, the latter had almost numbered the threescore years, so near
+the age of man; and the former, with all her mental faculties in their
+full vigour, and retaining her bodily strength and all her senses to an
+extraordinary degree, was on the verge of fourscore years and five. But
+the tender and unremitting cares of her filial guardian were blessed for
+three years longer in their pious aim,--
+
+     "T' explore the wish--explain the asking eye,
+     And keep awhile one parent from the sky."
+
+Then the full of days was summoned to depart, and _I_--yes--_I_ remember
+well the last scene of her long pilgrimage, though a little child when
+present at it, and carried in my nurse's arms to the chamber of death.
+_My_ mother was there also, for she was the granddaughter of that aged
+dying woman--the daughter of Walter Barnard and Madelaine du Résnél. And
+so it came to pass that la petite Madelaine was my own dear grandmother,
+and that the fact was (I suppose) written on my forehead, for the future
+investigation of that "grim white woman," the daughter of Adrienne de St
+Hilaire, who, impelled by curiosity, and armed with hereditary hate,
+dismayed me by that mysterious visit, which, opening up the forgotten
+sources of old traditional memories, gave rise to my after daydream and
+to this long story.
+
+
+
+
+BOB BURKE'S DUEL WITH ENSIGN BRADY.
+
+BY THE LATE WILLIAM MAGINN, LL.D.
+
+[_MAGA_. MAY 1834.]
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+HOW BOB WAS IN LOVE WITH MISS THEODOSIA MACNAMARA.
+
+"When the 48th were quartered in Mallow, I was there on a visit to one
+of the Purcells, who abound in that part of the world, and, being some
+sixteen or seventeen years younger than I am now, thought I might as
+well fall in love with Miss Theodosia Macnamara. She was a fine grown
+girl, full of flesh and blood, rose five foot nine at least when shod,
+had many excellent points, and stepped out slappingly upon her pasterns.
+She was somewhat of a roarer, it must be admitted, for you could hear
+her from one end of the Walk to the other; and I am told, that as she
+has grown somewhat aged, she shows symptoms of vice, but I knew nothing
+of the latter, and did not mind the former, because I never had a fancy
+for your mimini-pimini young ladies, with their mouths squeezed into
+the shape and dimensions of a needle's eye. I always suspect such
+damsels as having a very portentous design against mankind in general.
+
+"She was at Mallow for the sake of the Spa, it being understood that she
+was consumptive--though I'll answer for it, her lungs were not touched;
+and I never saw any signs of consumption about her, except at meal
+times, when her consumption was undoubtedly great. However, her mother,
+a very nice middle-aged woman--she was of the O'Regans of the West, and
+a perfect lady in her manners, with a very remarkable red nose, which
+she attributed to a cold which had settled in that part, and which cold
+she was always endeavouring to cure with various balsamic preparations
+taken inwardly,--maintained that her poor chicken, as she called her,
+was very delicate, and required the air and water of Mallow to cure her.
+Theodosia (she was so named after some of the Limerick family), or, as
+we generally called her, Dosy, was rather of a sanguine complexion, with
+hair that might be styled auburn, but which usually received another
+name. Her nose was turned up, as they say was that of Cleopatra; and her
+mouth, which was never idle, being always employed in eating, drinking,
+shouting, or laughing, was of considerable dimensions. Her eyes were
+piercers, with a slight tendency to a cast; and her complexion was equal
+to a footman's plush breeches, or the first tinge of the bloom of
+morning bursting through a summer-cloud, or what else verse-making men
+are fond of saying. I remember a young man who was in love with her
+writing a song about her, in which there was one or other of the similes
+above mentioned, I forget which. The verses were said to be very clever,
+as no doubt they were; but I do not recollect them, never being able
+to remember poetry. Dosy's mother used to say that it was a hectic
+flush--if so, it was a very permanent flush, for it never left her
+cheeks for a moment, and had it not belonged to a young lady in a
+galloping consumption, would have done honour to a dairymaid.
+
+"Pardon these details, gentlemen," said Bob Burke, sighing, "but one
+always thinks of the first loves. Tom Moore says that 'there's nothing
+half so sweet in life as young love's dram;' and talking of that, if
+there's anything left in the brandy-bottle, hand it over to me. Here's
+to the days gone by; they will never come again. Dear Dosy, you and I
+had some fun together. I see her now with her red hair escaping from
+under her hat, in a pea-green habit, a stiff-cutting whip in her hand,
+licking it into Tom the Devil, a black horse, that would have carried a
+sixteen stoner over a six-foot wall, following Will Wrixon's hounds at
+the rate of fifteen miles an hour, and singing out, 'Go it, my trumps.'
+These are the recollections that bring tears in a man's eyes."
+
+There were none visible in Bob's, but as he here finished his dram, it
+is perhaps a convenient opportunity for concluding a chapter.
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+ HOW ENSIGN BRADY WENT TO DRINK TEA WITH MISS
+ THEODOSIA MACNAMARA.
+
+"The day of that hunt was the very day that led to my duel with Brady.
+He was a long, straddling, waddle-mouthed chap, who had no more
+notion of riding a hunt than a rhinoceros. He was mounted on a
+showy-enough-looking mare, which had been nerved by Bodolphus Bootiman,
+the horse-doctor, and though 'a good 'un to look at, was a rum 'un to
+go;' and before she was nerved, all the work had been taken out of her
+by long Lanty Philpot, who sold her to Brady after dinner for fifty
+pounds, she being not worth twenty in her best day, and Brady giving his
+bill at three months for the fifty. My friend the ensign was no judge of
+a horse, and the event showed that my cousin Lanty was no judge of a
+bill--not a cross of the fifty having been paid from that day to this;
+and it is out of the question now, it being long past the statute of
+limitations, to say nothing of Brady having since twice taken the
+benefit of the Act. So both parties jockeyed one another, having that
+pleasure which must do them instead of profit.
+
+"She was a bay chestnut, and nothing would do Brady but he must run her
+at a little gap which Miss Dosy was going to clear, in order to show his
+gallantry and agility; and certainly I must do him the credit to say
+that he did get his mare _on_ the gap, which was no small feat, but
+there she broke down, and off went Brady, neck and crop, into as fine a
+pool of stagnant green mud as you would ever wish to see. He was ducked
+regularly in it, and he came out, if not in the jacket, yet in the
+colours, of the Rifle Brigade, looking rueful enough at his misfortune,
+as you may suppose. But he had not much time to think of the figure he
+cut, for before he could well get up, who should come right slap over
+him but Miss Dosy herself upon Tom the Devil, having cleared the gap
+and a yard beyond the pool in fine style. Brady ducked, and escaped
+the horse, a little fresh daubing being of less consequence than the
+knocking out of his brains, if he had any; but he did not escape a smart
+rap from a stone which one of Tom's heels flung back with such unlucky
+accuracy as to hit Brady right in the mouth, knocking out one of his
+eye-teeth (which, I do not recollect). Brady clapped his hand to his
+mouth, and bawled, as any man might do in such a case, so loud, that
+Miss Dosy checked Tom for a minute to turn round, and there she saw him
+making the most horrid faces in the world, his mouth streaming blood,
+and himself painted green from head to foot with as pretty a coat of
+shining slime as was to be found in the province of Munster. 'That's the
+gentleman you just leapt over, Miss Dosy,' said I, for I had joined her,
+'and he seems to be in some confusion.' 'I am sorry,' said she, 'Bob,
+that I should have in any way offended him or any other gentleman, by
+leaping over him, but I can't wait now. Take him my compliments, and
+tell him I should be happy to see him at tea at six o'clock this
+evening, in a different suit.' Off she went, and I rode back with her
+message (by which means I was thrown out); and would you believe it,
+he had the ill manners to say 'the h----;' but I shall not repeat what
+he said. It was impolite to the last degree, not to say profane, but
+perhaps he may be somewhat excused under his peculiar circumstances.
+There is no knowing what even Job himself might have said, immediately
+after having been thrown off his horse into a green pool, with his
+eye-tooth knocked out, his mouth full of mud and blood, on being asked
+to a tea-party.
+
+"He--Brady, not Job--went, nevertheless--for, on our return to Miss
+Dosy's lodgings, we found a triangular note, beautifully perfumed,
+expressing his gratitude for her kind invitation, and telling her not
+to think of the slight accident which had occurred. How it happened, he
+added, he could not conceive, his mare never having broken down with him
+before--which was true enough, as that was the first day he ever mounted
+her--and she having been bought by himself at a sale of the Earl of
+Darlington's horses last year, for two hundred guineas. She was a great
+favourite, he went on to say, with the Earl, who often rode her, and ran
+at Doncaster by the name of Miss Russell. All this latter part of the
+note was not quite so true, but then, it must be admitted, that when we
+talk about horses we are not tied down to be exact to a letter. If we
+were, God help Tattersall's!
+
+"To tea, accordingly, the ensign came at six, wiped clean, and in a
+different set-out altogether from what he appeared in on emerging from
+the ditch. He was, to make use of a phrase introduced from the ancient
+Latin into the modern Greek, togged up in the most approved style of his
+Majesty's 48th foot. Bright was the scarlet of his coat--deep the blue
+of his facings."
+
+"I beg your pardon," said Antony Harrison, here interrupting the
+speaker; "the 48th are not royals, and you ought to know that no
+regiment but those which are royal sport blue facings. I remember,
+once upon a time, in a coffee-shop, detecting a very smart fellow,
+who wrote some clever things in a Magazine published in Edinburgh by one
+Blackwood, under the character of a military man, not to be anything of
+the kind, by his talking about ensigns in the fusiliers--all the world
+knowing that in the fusiliers there are no ensigns, but in their place
+second lieutenants. Let me set you right there, Bob; the facings your
+friend Brady exhibited to the wondering gaze of the Mallow tea-table
+must have been buff--pale buff."
+
+"Buff, black, blue, brown, yellow, Pompadour, brick-dust, no matter what
+they were," continued Burke, in nowise pleased by the interruption,
+"they were as bright as they could be made, and so was all the lace, and
+other traps which I shall not specify more minutely, as I am in presence
+of so sharp a critic. He was, in fact, in full dress--as you know is
+done in country quarters--and being not a bad plan and elevation of a
+man, looked well enough. Miss Dosy, I perceived, had not been perfectly
+ignorant of the rank and condition of the gentleman over whom she had
+leaped, for she was dressed in her purple satin body and white skirt,
+which she always put on when she wished to be irresistible, and her
+hair was suffered to flow in long ringlets down her fair neck--and, by
+Jupiter, it was fair as a swan's, and as majestic too--and no mistake.
+Yes! Dosy Macnamara looked divine that evening.
+
+"Never mind! Tea was brought in by Mary Keefe, and it was just as all
+other _teas_ have been and will be. Do not, however, confound it with
+the wafer-sliced and hot-watered abominations which are inflicted,
+perhaps justly, on the wretched individuals who are guilty of haunting
+_soirées_ and _conversaziones_ in this good and bad city of London. The
+tea was congou or souchong, or some other of these Chinese affairs, for
+anything I know to the contrary; for, having dined at the house, I was
+mixing my fifth tumbler when tea was brought in, and Mrs Macnamara
+begged me not to disturb myself; and she being a lady for whom I had a
+great respect, I complied with her desire; but there was a potato-cake,
+an inch thick and two feet in diameter, which Mrs Macnamara informed me
+in a whisper was made by Dosy after the hunt.
+
+"'Poor chicken,' she said, 'if she had the strength, she has the
+willingness; but she is so delicate. If you saw her handling the
+potatoes to-day.'
+
+"'Madam,' said I, looking tender, and putting my hand on my heart, 'I
+wish I was a potato!'
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+ HOW ENSIGN BRADY ASTONISHED THE NATIVES AT MISS
+ THEODOSIA MACNAMARA'S.
+
+"I thought this was an uncommonly pathetic wish, after the manner of the
+Persian poet Hafiz, but it was scarcely out of my mouth, when Ensign
+Brady, taking a cup of tea from Miss Dosy's hand, looking upon me with
+an air of infinite condescension, declared that I must be the happiest
+of men, as my wish was granted before it was made. I was preparing to
+answer, but Miss Dosy laughed so loud that I had not time, and my only
+resource was to swallow what I had just made. The ensign followed up his
+victory without mercy.
+
+"'Talking of potatoes, Miss Theodosia,' said he, looking at me, 'puts me
+in mind of truffles. Do you know this most exquisite cake of yours much
+resembles a _gateau aux truffes_? By Gad! how Colonel Thornton, Sir
+Harry Millicent, Lord Mortgageshire, and that desperate fellow, the
+Honourable and Reverend Dick Sellenger, and I, used to tuck in truffles
+when we were quartered in Paris. Mortgageshire--an uncommon droll
+fellow; I used to call his Lordship Morty--he called me Brad--we were on
+such terms; and we used to live together in the Rue de la Paix, that
+beautiful street close by the Place Vendōme, where there's the pillar.
+You have been at Paris, Miss Macnamara?' asked the ensign, filling his
+mouth with a half-pound bite of the potato-cake at the same moment.
+
+"Dosy confessed that she had never travelled into any foreign parts
+except the kingdom of Kerry; and on the same question being repeated to
+me, I was obliged to admit that I was in a similar predicament. Brady
+was triumphant.
+
+"'It is a loss to any man,' said he, 'not to have been in Paris. I know
+that city well, and so I ought; but I did many naughty things there.'
+
+"'O fie!' said Mrs Macnamara.
+
+"'O, madam,' continued Brady, 'the fact is, that the Paris ladies were
+rather too fond of us English. When I say English, I mean Scotch and
+Irish as well; but, nevertheless, I think Irishmen had more good-luck
+than the natives of the other two islands.'
+
+"'In my geography book,' said Miss Dosy, 'it is put down only as one
+island, consisting of England, capital London, on the Thames, in the
+south; and Scotland, capital Edinburgh, on the Forth, in the north;
+population'----
+
+"'Gad! you are right,' said Brady--'perfectly right, Miss Macnamara. I
+see you are quite a blue. But, as I was saying, it is scarce possible
+for a good-looking young English officer to escape the French ladies.
+And then I played rather deep--on the whole, however, I think, I may say
+I won. Mortgageshire and I broke Frascati's one night--we won a hundred
+thousand francs at rouge, and fifty-four thousand at roulette. You would
+have thought the croupiers would have fainted; they tore their hair with
+vexation. The money, however, soon went again--we could not keep it. As
+for wine, you have it cheap there, and of a quality which you cannot get
+in England. At Very's, for example, I drank chambertin--it is a kind
+of claret--for three francs two sous a-bottle, which was, beyond all
+comparison, far superior to what I drank, a couple of months ago, at the
+Duke of Devonshire's, though his Grace prides himself on that very wine,
+and sent to a particular binn for a favourite specimen, when I observed
+to him I had tasted better in Paris. Out of politeness, I pretended to
+approve of his Grace's choice; but I give you my honour--only I would
+not wish it to reach his Grace's ears--it was not to be compared to what
+I had at Very's for a moment.'
+
+"So flowed on Brady for a couple of hours. The Tooleries, as he thought
+proper to call them; the Louvre, with its pictures, the removal of which
+he deplored as a matter of taste, assuring us that he had used all his
+influence with the Emperor of Russia and the Duke of Wellington to
+prevent it, but in vain; the Boulevards, the opera, the theatres, the
+Champs Elysées, the Montagnes Russes--everything, in short, about
+Paris, was depicted to the astonished mind of Miss Dosy. Then came
+London--where he belonged to I do not know how many clubs--and cut a
+most distinguished figure in the fashionable world. He was of the Prince
+Regent's set, and assured us, on his honour, that there was never
+anything so ill-founded as the stories afloat to the discredit of that
+illustrious person. But on what happened at Carlton House, he felt
+obliged to keep silence, the Prince being remarkably strict in exacting
+a premise from every gentleman whom he admitted to his table, not to
+divulge anything that occurred there--a violation of which promise was
+the cause of the exclusion of Brummell. As for the Princess of Wales,
+he would rather not say anything.
+
+"And so forth. Now, in those days of my innocence, I believed these
+stories as gospel, hating the fellow all the while from the bottom of
+my heart, as I saw that he made a deep impression on Dosy, who sat
+in open-mouthed wonder, swallowing them down as a common-councilman
+swallows turtle. But times are changed. I have seen Paris and London
+since, and I believe I know both villages as well as most men, and the
+deuce a word of truth did Brady tell in his whole narrative. In Paris,
+when not in quarters (he had joined some six or eight months after
+Waterloo), he lived _au cinquantičme_ in a dog-hole in the Rue
+Git-le-Coeur (a street at what I may call the Surrey side of Paris),
+among carters and other such folk; and in London I discovered that his
+principal domicile was in one of the courts now demolished to make room
+for the fine new gimcrackery at Charing Cross; it was in Round Court,
+at a pieman's of the name of Dudfield."
+
+"Dick Dudfield?" said Jack Ginger; "I knew the man well--a most
+particular friend of mine. He was a duffer besides being a pieman, and
+was transported some years ago. He is now a flourishing merchant in
+Australasia, and will, I suppose, in due time be grandfather to a
+member of Congress."
+
+"There it was that Brady lived then," continued Bob Burke, "when he
+was hobnobbing with Georgius Quartus, and dancing at Almack's with
+Lady Elizabeth Conynghame. Faith, the nearest approach he ever made
+to royalty was when he was put into the King's own Bench, where he
+sojourned many a long day. What an ass I was to believe a word of such
+stuff! but, nevertheless, it goes down with the rustics to the present
+minute. I sometimes sport a duke or so myself, when I find myself among
+yokels, and I rise vastly in estimation by so doing. What do we come to
+London or Paris for, but to get some touch of knowing how to do things
+properly? It would be devilish hard, I think, for Ensign Brady, or
+Ensign Brady's master, to do me nowadays by flamming off titles of high
+life."
+
+The company did no more than justice to Mr Burke's experience, by
+unanimously admitting that such a feat was all but impossible.
+
+"I was," he went on, "a good deal annoyed at my inferiority, and I
+could not help seeing that Miss Dosy was making comparisons that were
+rather odious, as she glanced from the gay uniform of the Ensign on my
+habiliments, which having been perpetrated by a Mallow tailor with a
+hatchet, or pitchfork, or pickaxe, or some such tool, did not stand the
+scrutiny to advantage. I was, I think, a better-looking fellow than
+Brady. Well, well--laugh if you like. I am no beauty, I know; but then,
+consider that what I am talking of was sixteen years ago, and more; and
+a man does not stand the battering I have gone through for these sixteen
+years with impunity. Do you call the thirty or forty thousand tumblers
+of punch, in all its varieties, that I have since imbibed, nothing?"
+
+"Yes," said Jack Ginger, with a sigh, "there was a song we used to sing
+on board the Brimstone, when cruising about the Spanish main--
+
+     "'If Mars leaves his scars, jolly Bacchus as well
+     Sets his trace on the face, which a toper will tell;
+     But which a more merry campaign has pursued,
+     The shedder of wine, or the shedder of blood?'
+
+"I forget the rest of it. Poor Ned Nixon! It was he who made that
+song--he was afterwards bit in two by a shark, having tumbled overboard
+in the cool of the evening, one fine summer day, off Port Royal."
+
+"Well, at all events," said Burke, continuing his narrative, "I thought
+I was a better-looking fellow than my rival, and was fretted at being
+sung down. I resolved to outstay him--and though he sate long enough, I,
+who was more at home, contrived to remain after him, but it was only to
+hear him extolled.
+
+"'A very nice young man,' said Mrs Macnamara.
+
+"'An extreme nice young man,' responded Miss Theodosia.
+
+"'A perfect gentleman in his manners; he puts me quite in mind of my
+uncle, the late Jerry O'Regan,' observed Mrs Macnamara.
+
+"'Quite the gentleman in every particular,' ejaculated Miss Theodosia.
+
+"'He has seen a great deal of the world for so young a man,' remarked
+Mrs Macnamara.
+
+"'He has mixed in the best society, too,' cried Miss Theodosia.
+
+"'It is a great advantage to a young man to travel,' quoth Mrs
+Macnamara.
+
+"'And a very great disadvantage to a young man to be always sticking at
+home,' chimed in Miss Theodosia, looking at me; 'it shuts them out from
+all chances of the elegance which we have just seen displayed by Ensign
+Brady of the 48th Foot.'
+
+"'For my part,' said I, 'I do not think him such an elegant fellow at
+all. Do you remember, Dosy Macnamara, how he looked when he got up out
+of the green puddle to-day?'
+
+"'Mr Burke,' said she, 'that was an accident that might happen any man.
+You were thrown yourself this day week, on clearing Jack Falvey's
+wall--so you need not reflect on Mr Brady.'
+
+"'If I was,' said I, 'it was as fine a leap as ever was made; and I was
+on my mare in half a shake afterwards. Bob Buller of Ballythomas, or
+Jack Prendergast, or Fergus O'Connor, could not have it rode it better.
+And you too'----
+
+"'Well,' said she, 'I am not going to dispute with you. I am sleepy, and
+must get to bed.'
+
+"'Do, poor chicken,' said Mrs Macnamara, soothingly, 'and, Bob, my dear,
+I wish it was in your power to go travel, and see the Booleries and the
+Tooleyvards, and the rest, and then you might be, in course of time, as
+genteel as Ensign Brady.'
+
+"'Heigho!' said Miss Dosy, ejecting a sigh. 'Travel, Bob, travel.'
+
+"'I will,' said I, at once, and left the house in the most abrupt
+manner, after consigning Ensign Brady to the particular attention of
+Tisiphone, Alecto, and Megęra, all compressed into one emphatic
+monosyllable.
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+ HOW BOB BURKE, AFTER AN INTERVIEW WITH BARNEY PULVERTAFT,
+ ASCERTAINED THAT HE WAS DESPERATELY IN LOVE
+ WITH MISS THEODOSIA MACNAMARA.
+
+"On leaving Dosy's lodgings, I began to consult the state of my heart.
+Am I really, said I, so much in love, as to lose my temper if this
+prating ensign should carry off the lady? I was much puzzled to resolve
+the question. I walked up and down the Spa-Walk, whiffing a cigar, for
+a quarter of an hour, without being able to come to a decision. At last,
+just as the cigar was out, my eye caught a light in the window of Barney
+Pulvertaft, the attorney--old Six-and-Eightpence, as we used to call
+him. I knew he was the confidential agent of the Macnamaras; and as he
+had carried on sixteen lawsuits for my father, I thought I had a claim
+to learn something about the affairs of Miss Dosy. I understood she was
+an heiress, but had never, until now, thought of inquiring into the
+precise amount of her expectancies. Seeing that the old fellow was up,
+I determined to step over, and found him in the middle of law-papers,
+although it was then rather late, with a pot-bellied jug, of the
+bee-hive pattern, by his side, full of punch--or rather, I should say,
+half-full; for Six-and-Eightpence had not been idle. His snuff-coloured
+wig was cocked on one side of his head--his old velveteen breeches open
+at the knee--his cravat off--his shirt unbuttoned--his stockings half
+down his lean legs--his feet in a pair of worsted slippers. The old
+fellow was, in short, relaxed for the night, but he had his pen in his
+hand.
+
+"'I am only filling copies of _capiases_, Bob,' said he; 'light and
+pleasant work, which does not distress one in an evening. There are a
+few of your friends booked here. What has brought you to me so late
+to-night?--but your father's son is always welcome. Ay, there were few
+men like your father--never stagged in a lawsuit in his life--saw it
+always out to the end--drove it from court to court;--if he was beat,
+why, so much the worse, but he never fretted--if he won, faith! he
+squeezed the opposite party well. Ay, he was a good-hearted, honest,
+straightforward man. I wish I had a hundred such clients. So here's his
+memory anyhow.'
+
+"Six-and-Eightpence had a good right to give the toast, as what
+constituted the excellence of my father in his eyes had moved most
+of the good acres of Ballyburke out of the family into the hands of
+the lawyers; but from filial duty I complied with the attorney's
+request--the more readily, because I well knew, from long experience,
+that his skill in punch-making was unimpeachable. So we talked about my
+father's old lawsuits, and I got Barney into excellent humour, by
+letting him tell me of the great skill and infinite adroitness which he
+had displayed upon a multiplicity of occasions. It was not, however,
+until we were deep in the second jug, and Six-and-Eightpence was
+beginning to show symptoms of being _cut_, that I ventured to introduce
+the subject of my visit. I did it as cautiously as I could, but the old
+fellow soon found out my drift.
+
+"'No,' hiccuped he--'Bob--'twont--'twont--do. Close as green--green wax.
+Never te-tell profess-profess-professional secrets. Know her
+expec--hiccup--tances to a ten-ten-penny. So you are after--after--her?
+Ah, Bo-bob! She'll be a ca-catch--but not a wo-word from me. No--never.
+Bar-ney Pe-pulverfta-taft is game to the last. Never be-betrayed ye-your
+father. God rest his soul--he was a wo-worthy man.'
+
+"On this recollection of the merits of my sainted sire, the attorney
+wept; and in spite of all his professional determinations, whether the
+potency of the fluid or the memory of the deceased acted upon him, I got
+at the facts. Dosy had not more than a couple of hundred pounds in the
+world--her mother's property was an annuity which expired with herself;
+but her uncle, by the father's side, Mick Macnamara of Kawleash, had an
+estate of at least five hundred a-year, which, in case of his dying
+without issue, was to come to her--besides a power of money saved; Mick
+being one who, to use the elegant phraseology of my friend the attorney,
+would skin a flea for the sake of selling the hide. All this money, ten
+thousand pounds, or something equally musical, would in all probability
+go to Miss Dosy--the £500 a-year was hers by entail. Now, as her uncle
+was eighty-four years old, unmarried, and in the last stage of the
+palsy, it was a thing as sure as the bank, that Miss Dosy was a very
+rich heiress indeed.
+
+"'So--so,' said Six-and-Eightpence--'this--this--is strictly
+confiddle-confid-confiddledential. Do--do not say a word about
+it. I ought not to have to-told it--but, you do-dog, you wheedled
+it out of me. Da-dang it, I co-could not ref-refuse your father's
+son. You are ve-very like him--as I sa-saw him sitting many a
+ti-time in that cha-chair. But you nev-never will have his XXXX
+spu-spunk in a sho-shoot (suit). There, the lands of XXXXXXXXXXX
+Arry-arry-arry-bally-bally-be-beg-clock-clough-macde-de-duagh--confound
+the wo-word--of Arryballybegcloughmacduagh, the finest be-bog in the
+co-country--are ye-yours--but you haven't spu-spunk to go into
+Cha-chancery for it, like your worthy fa-father, Go-god rest his soul.
+Blow out that se-second ca-candle, Bo-bob, for I hate waste.'
+
+"'There's but one in the room, Barney,' said I.
+
+"'You mean to say,' hiccuped he, 'that I am te-te-tipsy? Well, well,
+ye-young fe-fellows, well, I am their je-joke. However, as the je-jug is
+out, you must be je-jogging. Early to bed, and early to rise, is the way
+to be----. However, le-lend me your arm up the sta-stairs, for they are
+very slip-slippery to-night.'
+
+"I conducted the attorney to his bedchamber, and safely stowed him into
+bed, while he kept stammering forth praises on my worthy father, and
+up-braiding me with want of spunk in not carrying on a Chancery suit
+begun by him some twelve years before, for a couple of hundred acres of
+bog, the value of which would scarcely have amounted to the price of the
+parchment expended on it. Having performed this duty, I proceeded
+homewards, labouring under a variety of sensations.
+
+"How delicious is the feeling of love, when it first takes full
+possession of a youthful bosom! Before its balmy influence vanish all
+selfish thoughts--all grovelling notions. Pure and sublimated, the soul
+looks forward to objects beyond self, and merges all ideas of personal
+identity in aspirations of the felicity to be derived from the being
+adored. A thrill of rapture pervades the breast--an intense but bland
+flame permeates every vein--throbs in every pulse. Oh, blissful period,
+brief in duration, but crowded with thoughts of happiness never to recur
+again! As I gained the Walk, the moon was high and bright in heaven,
+pouring a flood of mild light over the trees. The stars shone with
+sapphire lustre in the cloudless sky--not a breeze disturbed the deep
+serene. I was alone. I thought of my love--of what else could I think?
+What I had just heard had kindled my passion for the divine Theodosia
+into a quenchless blaze. Yes, I exclaimed aloud, I _do_ love her. Such
+an angel does not exist on the earth. What charms! What innocence! What
+horsewomanship! Five hundred a-year certain! Ten thousand pounds in
+perspective! I'll repurchase the lands of Ballyburke--I'll rebuild the
+hunting-lodge in the Galtees--I'll keep a pack of hounds, and live a
+sporting life. Oh, dear, divine Theodosia, how I _do_ adore you! I'll
+shoot that Brady, and no mistake. How dare he interfere where my
+affections are so irrevocably fixed?
+
+"Such were my musings. Alas! how we are changed as we progress through
+the world! That breast becomes arid, which once was open to every
+impression of the tender passion. The rattle of the dice-box beats out
+of the head the rattle of the quiver of Cupid--and the shuffling of the
+cards renders the rustling of his wings inaudible. The necessity of
+looking after a tablecloth supersedes that of looking after a petticoat,
+and we more willingly make an assignation with a mutton-chop, than with
+an angel in female form. The bonds of love are exchanged for those of
+the conveyancer--bills take the place of billets, and we do not protest,
+but are protested against, by a three-and-six-penny notary. Such are the
+melancholy effects of age. I knew them not then. I continued to muse
+full of sweet thoughts, until gradually the moon faded from the sky--the
+stars went out--and all was darkness. Morning succeeded to night, and,
+on awaking, I found that, owing to the forgetfulness in which the
+thoughts of the fair Theodosia had plunged me, I had selected the bottom
+step of old Barney Pulvertaft's door as my couch, and was awakened from
+repose in consequence of his servant-maid (one Norry Mulcaky) having
+emptied the contents of her--washing-tub, over my slumbering person.
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+ HOW BOB BURKE, AFTER CONSULTATION WITH WOODEN-LEG
+ WADDY, FOUGHT THE DUEL WITH ENSIGN BRADY FOR THE
+ SAKE OF MISS THEODOSIA MACNAMARA.
+
+"At night I had fallen asleep fierce in the determination of
+exterminating Brady; but with the morrow, cool reflection came--made
+probably cooler by the aspersion I had suffered. How could I fight him,
+when he had never given me the slightest affront? To be sure, picking a
+quarrel is not hard, thank God, in any part of Ireland; but unless I was
+quick about it, he might get so deep into the good graces of Dosy, who
+was as flammable as tinder, that even my shooting him might not be of
+any practical advantage to myself. Then, besides, he might shoot me;
+and, in fact, I was not by any means so determined in the affair at
+seven o'clock in the morning as I was at twelve o'clock at night. I got
+home, however, dressed, shaved, &c., and turned out. 'I think,' said I
+to myself, 'the best thing I can do, is to go and consult Wooden-leg
+Waddy; and, as he is an early man, I shall catch him now.' The thought
+was no sooner formed than executed; and in less than five minutes I was
+walking with Wooden-leg Waddy in his garden, at the back of his house,
+by the banks of the Blackwater.
+
+"Waddy had been in the Hundred-and-First, and had seen much service in
+that distinguished corps."
+
+"I remember it well during the war," said Antony Harrison; "we used to
+call it the Hungry-and-Worst;--but it did its duty on a pinch
+nevertheless."
+
+"No matter," continued Burke; "Waddy had served a good deal, and lost
+his leg somehow, for which he had a pension besides his half-pay, and he
+lived in ease and affluence among the Bucks of Mallow. He was a great
+hand at settling and arranging duels, being what we generally call in
+Ireland a _judgmatical_ sort of man--a word which, I think, might be
+introduced with advantage into the English vocabulary. When I called on
+him, he was smoking his meerschaum, as he walked up and down his garden
+in an old undress-coat, and a fur cap on his head. I bade him good
+morning; to which salutation he answered by a nod, and a more prolonged
+whiff.
+
+"'I want to speak to you, Wooden-leg,' said I, 'on a matter which nearly
+concerns me.' On which, I received another nod, and another whiff in
+reply.
+
+"'The fact is,' said I, 'that there is an Ensign Brady of the 48th
+quartered here, with whom I have some reason to be angry, and I am
+thinking of calling him out. I have come to ask your advice whether I
+should do so or not. He has deeply injured me, by interfering between me
+and the girl of my affections. What ought I to do in such a case?'
+
+"'Fight him, by all means,' said Wooden-leg Waddy.
+
+"'But the difficulty is this--he has offered me no affront, direct or
+indirect--we have no quarrel whatever--and he has not paid any addresses
+to the lady. He and I have scarcely been in contact at all. I do not see
+how I can manage it immediately with any propriety. What then can I do
+now?'
+
+"'Do not fight him, by any means,' said Wooden-leg Waddy.
+
+"'Still these are the facts of the case. He, whether intentionally or
+not, is coming between me and my mistress, which is doing me an injury
+perfectly equal to the grossest insult. How should I act?'
+
+"'Fight him, by all means,' said Wooden-leg Waddy.
+
+"'But then I fear if I were to call him out on a groundless quarrel, or
+one which would appear to be such, that I should lose the good graces of
+the lady, and be laughed at by my friends, or set down as a quarrelsome
+and dangerous companion.'
+
+"'Do not fight him then, by any means,' said Wooden-leg Waddy.
+
+"'Yet as he is a military man, he must know enough of the etiquette of
+these affairs to feel perfectly confident that he has affronted me; and
+the opinion of a military man, standing, as of course he does, in the
+rank and position of a gentleman, could not, I think, be overlooked
+without disgrace.'
+
+"'Fight him, by all means,' said Wooden-leg Waddy.
+
+"'But then, talking of gentlemen, I own he is an officer of the 48th,
+but his father is a fish-tackle seller in John Street, Kilkenny, who
+keeps a three-halfpenny shop, where you may buy everything, from a
+cheese to a cheese-toaster, from a felt hat to a pair of brogues, from a
+pound of brown soap to a yard of huckaback towels. He got his commission
+by his father's retiring from the Ormonde interest, and acting as
+whipper-in to the sham freeholders from Castlecomer; and I am, as you
+know, of the best blood of the Burkes--straight from the De Burgos
+themselves--and when I think of that, I really do not like to meet this
+Mr Brady.'
+
+"'Do not fight him, by any means,' said Wooden-leg Waddy."
+
+"This advice of your friend Waddy to you," said Tom Meggot, interrupting
+Burke, "much resembles that which Pantagruel gave Panurge on the subject
+of his marriage, as I heard a friend of mine, Percy, of Gray's Inn,
+reading to me the other day."
+
+"I do not know the people you speak of," continued Bob, "but such was
+the advice which Waddy gave me.
+
+"'Why,' said I, 'Wooden-leg, my friend, this is like playing battledore
+and shuttlecock; what is knocked forward with one hand is knocked back
+with the other. Come, tell me what I ought to do.'
+
+"'Well,' said Wooden-leg, taking the meerschaum out of his mouth, '_in
+dubiis suspice_, &c. Let us decide it by tossing a halfpenny. If it
+comes down _head_, you fight--if _harp_, you do not. Nothing can be
+fairer.'
+
+"I assented.
+
+"'Which,' said he, 'is it to be--two out of three, as at Newmarket, or
+the first toss to decide?'
+
+"'Sudden death,' said I, 'and there will soon be an end of it.'
+
+"Up went the halfpenny, and we looked with anxious eyes for its descent,
+when, unluckily, it stuck in a gooseberry-bush.
+
+"'I don't like that,' said Wooden-leg Waddy; 'for it's a token of bad
+luck. But here goes again.'
+
+"Again the copper soared to the sky, and down it came--_head_.
+
+"'I wish you joy, my friend,' said Waddy; 'you are to fight. That was my
+opinion all along; though I did not like to commit myself. I can lend
+you a pair of the most beautiful duelling-pistols ever put into a man's
+hand--Wogden's, I swear. The last time they were out, they shot Joe
+Brown of Mount Badger as dead as Harry the Eighth.'
+
+"'Will you be my second?' said I.
+
+"'Why, no,' replied Wooden-leg, 'I cannot; for I am bound over by a
+rascally magistrate to keep the peace, because I barely broke the head
+of a blackguard bailiff, who came here to serve a writ on a friend of
+mine, with one of my spare legs. But I can get you a second at once. My
+nephew, Major Mug, has just come to me on a few days' visit, and, as he
+is quite idle, it will give him some amusement to be your second. Look
+up at his bedroom--you see he is shaving himself.'
+
+"In a short time the Major made his appearance, dressed with a most
+military accuracy of costume. There was not a speck of dust on his
+well-brushed blue surtout--not a vestige of hair, except the regulation
+whiskers, on his closely-shaven countenance. His hat was brushed to the
+most glossy perfection--his boots shone in the jetty glow of Day and
+Martin. There was scarcely an ounce of flesh on his hard and
+weather-beaten face, and, as he stood rigidly upright, you would have
+sworn that every sinew and muscle of his body was as stiff as whipcord.
+He saluted us in military style, and was soon put in possession of the
+case. Wooden-leg Waddy insinuated that there were hardly as yet grounds
+for a duel.
+
+"'I differ,' said Major Mug, 'decidedly--the grounds are ample. I never
+saw a clearer case in my life, and I have been principal or second in
+seven-and-twenty. If I collect your story rightly, Mr Burke, he gave you
+an abrupt answer in the field, which was highly derogatory to the lady
+in question, and impertinently rude to yourself?'
+
+"'He certainly,' said I, 'gave me what we call a short answer; but I did
+not notice it at the time, and he has since made friends with the young
+lady.'
+
+"'It matters nothing,' observed Major Mug, 'what you may think, or she
+may think. The business is now in _my_ hands, and I must see you through
+it. The first thing to be done is to write him a letter. Send out for
+paper--let it be gilt-edged, Waddy--that we may do the thing genteelly.
+I'll dictate, Mr Burke, if you please.'
+
+"And so he did. As well as I can recollect, the note was as follows:--
+
+                         "'SPA-WALK, MALLOW, _June 3, 18--_.
+                              "'Eight o'clock in the morning.
+
+     "'SIR,--A desire for harmony and peace, which has at all times
+     actuated my conduct, prevented me, yesterday, from asking you
+     the meaning of the short and contemptuous message which you
+     commissioned me to deliver to a certain young lady of our
+     acquaintance, whose name I do not choose to drag into a
+     correspondence. But now that there is no danger of its
+     disturbing any one, I must say that in your desiring me to tell
+     that young lady she might consider herself as d----d, you were
+     guilty of conduct highly unbecoming of an officer and a
+     gentleman, and subversive of the discipline of the hunt. I
+     have the honour to be, sir, your most obedient humble servant,
+
+                         "'ROBERT BURKE.
+
+     "'P. S.--This note will be delivered to you by my friend, Major
+     Mug, of the 3d West Indian; and you will, I trust, see the
+     propriety of referring him to another gentleman without further
+     delay.'
+
+"'That, I think, is neat,' said the Major. 'Now, seal it with wax, Mr
+Burke, with wax--and let the seal be your arms. That's right. Now,
+direct it.'
+
+"'Ensign Brady?'
+
+"'No--no--the right thing would be, "Mr Brady, Ensign, 48th foot," but
+custom allows "Esquire." That will do.--"Thady Brady, Esq., Ensign, 48th
+Foot, Barracks, Mallow." He shall have it in less than a quarter of an
+hour.'
+
+"The Major was as good as his word, and in about half an hour he brought
+back the result of his mission. The Ensign, he told us, was extremely
+reluctant to fight, and wanted to be off, on the ground that he had
+meant no offence, did not even remember having used the expression, and
+offered to ask the lady if she conceived for a moment he had any idea of
+saying anything but what was complimentary to her.
+
+"'In fact,' said the Major, 'he at first plumply refused to fight; but I
+soon brought him to reason. "Sir," said I, "you either consent to fight,
+or refuse to fight. In the first case, the thing is settled to hand,
+and we are not called upon to inquire if there was an affront or not--in
+the second case, your refusal to comply with a gentleman's request is,
+of itself, an offence for which he has a right to call you out. Put it,
+then, on any grounds, you must fight him. It is perfectly indifferent to
+me what the grounds may be; and I have only to request the name of your
+friend, as I too much respect the coat you wear to think that there can
+be any other alternative." This brought the chap to his senses, and he
+referred me to Captain Codd, of his own regiment, at which I felt much
+pleased, because Codd is an intimate friend of my own, he and I having
+fought a duel three years ago in Falmouth, in which I lost the top of
+this little finger, and he his left whisker. It was a near touch. He is
+as honourable a man as ever paced a ground; and I am sure that he will
+no more let his man off the field until business is done, than I would
+myself.'
+
+"I own," continued Burke, "I did not half relish this announcement of
+the firm purpose of our seconds; but I was in for it, and could not get
+back. I sometimes thought Dosy a dear purchase at such an expense; but
+it was no use to grumble. Major Mug was sorry to say that there was a
+review to take place immediately, at which the Ensign must attend, and
+it was impossible for him to meet me until the evening; 'but,' added he,
+'at this time of the year it can be of no great consequence. There will
+be plenty of light till nine, but I have fixed _seven_. In the mean
+time, you may as well divert yourself with a little pistol-practice, but
+do it on the sly, as, if they were shabby enough to have a trial, it
+would not tell well before the jury.'
+
+"Promising to take a quiet chop with me at five, the Major retired,
+leaving me not quite contented with the state of affairs. I sat down,
+and wrote a letter to my cousin, Phil Purdon of Kanturk, telling him
+what I was about, and giving directions what was to be done in the case
+of any fatal event. I communicated to him the whole story--deplored my
+unhappy fate in being thus cut off in the flower of my youth--left him
+three pair of buckskin breeches--and repented my sins. This letter I
+immediately packed off by a special messenger, and then began
+half-a-dozen others, of various styles of tenderness and sentimentality,
+to be delivered after my melancholy decease. The day went off fast
+enough, I assure you; and at five the Major, and Wooden-leg Waddy,
+arrived in high spirits.
+
+"'Here, my boy,' said Waddy, handing me the pistols, 'here are the
+flutes; and pretty music, I can tell you, they make.'
+
+"'As for dinner,' said Major Mug, 'I do not much care; but, Mr Burke, I
+hope it is ready, as I am rather hungry. We must dine lightly, however,
+and drink not much. If we come off with flying colours, we may crack a
+bottle together by-and-by; in case you shoot Brady, I have everything
+arranged for our keeping out of the way until the thing blows over--if
+he shoot you, I'll see you buried. Of course, you would not recommend
+anything so ungenteel as a prosecution? No. I'll take care it shall all
+appear in the papers, and announce that Robert Burke, Esq., met his
+death with becoming fortitude, assuring the unhappy survivor that he
+heartily forgave him, and wished him health and happiness.'
+
+"'I must tell you,' said Wooden-leg Waddy, 'it's all over Mallow, and
+the whole town will be on the ground to see it. Miss Dosy knows of it,
+and is quite delighted--she says she will certainly marry the survivor.
+I spoke to the magistrate to keep out of the way, and he promised that,
+though it deprived him of a great pleasure, he would go and dine five
+miles off--and know nothing about it. But here comes dinner. Let us be
+jolly.'
+
+"I cannot say that I played on that day as brilliant a part with the
+knife and fork as I usually do, and did not sympathise much in the
+speculations of my guests, who pushed the bottle about with great
+energy, recommending me, however, to refrain. At last the Major looked
+at his watch, which he had kept lying on the table before him from the
+beginning of dinner--started up--clapped me on the shoulder, and
+declaring it only wanted six minutes and thirty-five seconds of the
+time, hurried me off to the scene of action--a field close by the
+Castle.
+
+"There certainly was a miscellaneous assemblage of the inhabitants of
+Mallow, all anxious to see the duel. They had pitted us like game-cocks,
+and bets were freely taken as to the chances of our killing one another,
+and the particular spots. One betted on my being hit in the jaw, another
+was so kind as to lay the odds on my knee. A tolerably general opinion
+appeared to prevail that one or other of us was to be killed; and much
+good-humoured joking took place among them, while they were deciding
+which. As I was double the thickness of my antagonist, I was clearly the
+favourite for being shot; and I heard one fellow near me say, 'Three to
+two on Burke, that he's shot first--I bet in ten-pennies.'
+
+"Brady and Codd soon appeared, and the preliminaries were arranged with
+much punctilio between our seconds, who mutually and loudly extolled
+each other's gentlemanlike mode of doing business. Brady could scarcely
+stand with fright, and I confess that I did not feel quite as Hector of
+Troy, or the Seven Champions of Christendom, are reported to have done
+on similar occasions. At last the ground was measured--the pistols
+handed to the principals--the handkerchief dropped--whiz! went the
+bullet within an inch of my ear--and crack! went mine exactly on Ensign
+Brady's waistcoat pocket. By an unaccountable accident, there was a
+five-shilling piece in that very pocket, and the ball glanced away,
+while Brady doubled himself down, uttering a loud howl that might be
+heard half a mile off. The crowd was so attentive as to give a huzza for
+my success.
+
+"Codd ran up to his principal, who was writhing as if he had ten
+thousand colics, and soon ascertained that no harm was done.
+
+"'What do you propose,' said he to my second--'What do you propose to
+do, Major?'
+
+"'As there is neither blood drawn nor bone broken,' said the Major, 'I
+think that shot goes for nothing.'
+
+"'I agree with you,' said Captain Codd.
+
+"'If your party will apologise,' said Major Mug, 'I'll take my man off
+the ground.'
+
+"'Certainly,' said Captain Codd, 'you are quite right, Major, in asking
+the apology, but you know that it is my duty to refuse it.'
+
+"'You are correct, Captain,' said the Major; 'I then formally require
+that Ensign Brady apologise to Mr Burke.'
+
+"'I as formally refuse it,' said Captain Codd.
+
+"'We must have another shot then,' said the Major.
+
+"'Another shot, by all means,' said the Captain.
+
+"'Captain Codd,' said the Major, 'you have shown yourself in this, as
+in every transaction of your life, a perfect gentleman.'
+
+"'He who would dare to say,' replied the Captain, 'that Major Mug is not
+among the most gentlemanlike men in the service, would speak what is
+untrue.'
+
+"Our seconds bowed, took a pinch of snuff together, and proceeded to
+load the pistols. Neither Brady nor I was particularly pleased at these
+complimentary speeches of the gentlemen, and, I am sure, had we been
+left to ourselves, would have declined the second shot. As it was, it
+appeared inevitable.
+
+"Just, however, as the process of loading was completing, there appeared
+on the ground my cousin Phil Purdon, rattling in on his black mare as
+hard as he could lick. When he came in sight he bawled out,--
+
+"'I want to speak to the plaintiff in this action--I mean, to one of the
+parties in this duel. I want to speak to you, Bob Burke.'
+
+"'The thing is impossible, sir,' said Major Mug.
+
+"'Perfectly impossible, sir,' said Captain Codd.
+
+"'Possible or impossible is nothing to the question,' shouted Purdon;
+'Bob, I _must_ speak to you.'
+
+"'It is contrary to all regulation,' said the Major.
+
+"'Quite contrary,' said the Captain.
+
+"Phil, however, persisted, and approached me. 'Are you fighting about
+Dosy Mac?' said he to me in a whisper.
+
+"'Yes,' I replied.
+
+"'And she is to marry the survivor, I understand?'
+
+"'So I am told,' said I.
+
+"'Back out, Bob, then; back out, at the rate of a hunt. Old Mick
+Macnamara is married.'
+
+"'Married!' I exclaimed.
+
+"'Poz,' said he. 'I drew the articles myself. He married his housemaid,
+a girl of eighteen; and,'--here he whispered.
+
+"'What,' I cried, 'six months!'
+
+"'Six months,' said he, 'and no mistake.'
+
+"'Ensign Brady,' said I, immediately coming forward, 'there has been a
+strange misconception in this business. I here declare, in presence of
+this honourable company, that you have acted throughout like a man of
+honour, and a gentleman; and you leave the ground without a stain on
+your character.'
+
+"Brady hopped three feet off the ground with joy at the unexpected
+deliverance. He forgot all etiquette, and came forward to shake me by
+the hand.
+
+"'My dear Burke,' said he, 'it must have been a mistake: let us swear
+eternal friendship.'
+
+"'For ever,' said I. 'I resign you Miss Theodosia.'
+
+"'You are too generous,' he said, 'but I cannot abuse your generosity.'
+
+"'It is unprecedented conduct,' growled Major Mug. 'I'll never be second
+to a _Pekin_ again.'
+
+"'_My_ principal leaves the ground with honour,' said Captain Codd,
+looking melancholy nevertheless.
+
+"'Humph!' grunted Wooden-leg Waddy, lighting his meerschaum.
+
+"The crowd dispersed much displeased, and I fear my reputation for
+valour did not rise among them. I went off with Purdon to finish a jug
+at Carmichael's, and Brady swaggered off to Miss Dosy's. His renown for
+valour won her heart. It cannot be denied that I sunk deeply in her
+opinion. On that very evening Brady broke his love, and was accepted.
+Mrs Mac. opposed, but the red-coat prevailed.
+
+"'He may rise to be a general,' said Dosy, 'and be a knight, and then I
+will be Lady Brady.'
+
+"'Or if my father should be made an earl, angelic Theodosia, you would
+be Lady Thady Brady,' said the Ensign.
+
+"'Beautiful prospect!' cried Dosy, 'Lady Thady Brady! What a harmonious
+sound!'
+
+"But why dally over the detail of my unfortunate loves? Dosy and the
+Ensign were married before the accident which had befallen her uncle was
+discovered; and if they were not happy, why, then you and I may. They
+have had eleven children, and, I understand, he now keeps a comfortable
+eating-house close by Cumberland Basin in Bristol. Such was my duel with
+Ensign Brady of the 48th."
+
+"Your fighting with Brady puts me in mind, that the finest duel I ever
+saw," said Joe MacGillycuddy, "was between a butcher and bull-dog, in
+the Diamond of Derry."
+
+"I am obliged to you for your comparison," said Burke, "but I think it
+is now high time for dinner, and your beautiful story will keep. Has
+anybody the least idea where dinner is to be raised?"
+
+To this no answer was returned, and we all began to reflect with the
+utmost intensity.
+
+
+
+
+THE HEADSMAN.
+
+A TALE OF DOOM.
+
+[_MAGA_. FEBRUARY 1830.]
+
+
+On a dark and gusty evening in November 178--, three students at a
+university in Northern Germany were sitting with Professor N. around the
+stove of his study. These four individuals had in the morning
+accompanied a much-valued friend, who was finally quitting the
+university, on the first stage of his journey homeward, and had returned
+at the full speed of their jaded horses, to reach the city before the
+closing of the gates. On arrival within the ramparts, they were invited
+by the Professor to drown their parting sorrow in a bowl of punch, and
+accompanied him to his abode, where they sat for some time gazing at the
+crackling firewood in the stove, and musing in silent melancholy upon
+the social and endearing qualities of the friend with whom they had
+parted--perhaps for ever. Meanwhile the materials for the most cheering
+of all potations lay untouched upon the table, the candles remained
+unlighted and forgotten, and, as if by tacit agreement, the friends
+continued to indulge in retrospective musings until the twilight waned
+into darkness, and the flickering light from the open door of the stove
+just enabled each of them to discern the saddened features of his
+neighbour. When returning to the city, their exhausted spirits had been
+painfully jarred by the spectacle, so rare in Germany, of a scaffold
+erecting without the ramparts for the execution of a murderer. Some
+remarks of the humane Professor upon the crime and punishment of the
+condemned did not tend to cheer the young men, who replied in
+monosyllables, and were pondering in mute and melancholy excitement upon
+the awful catastrophe so near at hand, when a tap at the door made them
+all start from the reverie in which they had been too deeply absorbed to
+hear any one ascending the stairs. "Come in," at length shouted the
+Professor, after pausing a little to recollect himself. The door was
+gently opened, and the dying flame in the stove threw its last blaze
+upon the pallid features of a tall and handsome youth, who entered the
+room with diffidence, and inquired if Professor N. was at home. "Here I
+am, my dear Julius," answered the kind Professor, as he rose from his
+chair, and grasped with cordial pressure the hand of the inquirer. "Can
+I do anything to oblige you?"
+
+"I have called upon you to request a favour," answered the stranger
+hesitatingly, as he surveyed with searching looks the three students,
+whose features were not distinguishable in the Rembrandt chiaroscuro of
+the Professor's study.
+
+"If no secret," said the Professor briskly, as he replenished his stove
+with beechwood, "explain yourself freely. All present are my particular
+friends, and certainly no enemies of yours. Say, my dear boys! you all
+know and respect our worthy Harpocrates?"
+
+The students briefly assented, and the Professor invited the stranger to
+take a seat near the fire, which, darting playfully through the pile of
+beech, soon roared loudly up the chimney. "I believe that Lieutenant B.
+is your near relation?" began the pale youth, in tones which betrayed an
+inward tremor.
+
+"He is my nephew," replied the Professor.
+
+"I have understood," continued the stranger, "that he will command the
+detachment ordered on duty at the execution to-morrow. I am particularly
+desirous to stand near the criminal at the moment of decapitation, and
+wish, through your kind interference with the Lieutenant, to obtain
+admission within the circle."
+
+"By all means," answered the Professor. "My nephew has invited me to
+accompany him, but I have declined it, and I must own that your request
+surprises me no little. How is it, my dear Julius, that you, who are by
+nature and habit so gentle and fastidious, can seek such strong aliment
+as the near inspection of a public execution? Even I, who served three
+campaigns in the artillery before I betook myself to mathematics, could
+not face a catastrophe so appalling."
+
+"I study anatomy as an amateur," replied Julius, somewhat disconcerted;
+"and, as I may eventually embrace the medical profession, it is
+essential to my purpose to steel my nerves by inuring them to every
+trying spectacle."
+
+"You are right, Julius!" exclaimed the Professor, with cordial assent.
+"Trials are the fostering element of great hearts and lofty natures. To
+become great in anything, we must take the Egyptian test, and purify our
+feeble minds by passing through fire and water. Call upon me to-morrow
+morning at seven. I will introduce you to my nephew, and he shall give
+you a place near the headsman. And now, not another word on this painful
+subject, which has haunted us ever since we heard the workmen hammering
+the scaffold this afternoon. So cheer up, my dear boys! Light the
+candles, and fill your meerschaums, while I compound a bowl of such
+punch as Anacreon would have made, had he known how.--No, no! my dear
+Julius," he continued, seizing the arm of the young stranger, who was
+rising to depart. "A friendly chance has brought you into our cordial
+circle, and I must insist upon your remaining my guest."
+
+In vain did the three students, by whom Julius was more respected than
+liked, indicate by significant looks their objection to his stay; the
+benevolent Professor, who had long observed, with better feelings than
+curiosity, the pale features and habitual depression of a youth
+distinguished by great intellectual promise, persevered in his
+hospitable attempt, and at length succeeded in subduing his visible
+reluctance to stay.
+
+Julius Arenbourg had been three years a student at the university, but
+his retiring habits and invincible taciturnity had hitherto prevented
+any free and amicable communion with his fellow-students. His name was
+that of a Swiss, or of a Strasburger; and, although he spoke German with
+facility, there were certain peculiarities of accent and idiom in his
+language which betrayed a longer familiarity with French: he shunned,
+however, all intercourse with the Swiss and French students at the
+university, and his country and connections were still a matter of
+conjecture. His engaging person and address, and the dejection so
+legibly written in his countenance, had excited on his arrival an
+immediate and general impression in his favour, but he shunned alike
+exclusive intimacy and general intercourse; his replies were either
+commonplaces or monosyllables; and as the unhappy and reserved find
+little sympathy from the young and joyous, his fellow-students dubbed
+him the Harpocrates of the university, and left him to solitude and
+self-communion.
+
+The kind-hearted Professor, desirous to lead this interesting youth into
+habits of social ease and intimacy with the students present, exerted
+his colloquial powers, and endeavoured to lead them into general
+conversation; but his benevolent endeavours were baffled by the
+ineradicable impression which the approaching execution had made upon
+the mind of every student of good feeling in the university; and the
+successive attempts of the Professor were succeeded by long intervals of
+brooding and melancholy silence. At length, one of the young men,
+notwithstanding his host's prohibition, could no longer refrain from
+adverting to this all-absorbing subject. "Excuse me, Professor," he
+began, "but I find it impossible to withdraw my thoughts, even for a
+moment, from the present situation of the poor wretch who is so soon to
+bend his neck to the executioner. It appears to me, that the intervening
+hours of deadly and rising terror, are the real and atoning punishment,
+and not the friendly blow which releases him from the fear of death.
+Even the reprieve, sometimes granted on the scaffold, is no compensation
+for terrors so intense. The criminal has already died many deaths, and
+the new existence, thus tardily bestowed, can be compared only with the
+revival of the seeming dead in his coffin. Gracious Heaven!" he
+continued, with shuddering emotion, "how dreadfully bitter must be the
+sensations of the poor fellow at this moment!"
+
+"In all probability," replied another student, "he has either made up
+his mind to the impending catastrophe, or he finds sustaining
+consolation in the hope of a reprieve. At all events, his reflections
+must have, in my opinion, a more justified character than those of the
+wretch, who, before another sunset, with a firm eye and unsparing hand,
+with as little remorse as the butcher who kills a lamb, will shed the
+blood of a fellow-creature--of one who never injured him in deed or
+thought--who will kneel to him with folded hands, and humbly stretch his
+neck to the fatal blow. Verily, I think that I would rather thus suffer
+death, than thus inflict it."
+
+"Does not this view of the subject," remarked the third student,
+"justify, in some measure, the so often ridiculed prejudice of the
+uneducated multitude, who pronounce an executioner infamous, because
+they cannot otherwise define the disgust which his appearance, even
+across a street, invariably excites?[B] And may not this association of
+ideas be grounded on a religious feeling? The Mosaic law provided a
+sanctuary for the blood-guilty who had committed murder in sudden
+wrath; and, except in cases of rare enormity, compassion for the
+criminal must tend to increase the popular detestation of a man, who, in
+consideration of a good salary, is ever ready to shed the blood of a
+fellow-creature."
+
+[Footnote B: Throughout Germany, public executioners are called
+infamous, and are shut out of the pale of society. A similar feeling
+prevailed in France before the Revolution.]
+
+"For the honour of human nature," observed the Professor, "I will hope
+that, could we read the hearts of many who fulfil this terrible duty to
+society, we should behold, both before and during its exercise, strong
+feelings of reluctance and compassion. I can conceive, too, that those
+who have by long habit become callous to their vocation, are by no means
+destitute of kindly feeling in matters unconnected with their calling;
+but I do not comprehend how any man can voluntarily devote himself to an
+office which excludes him for life from the sympathy and society of his
+fellow-men; nor do I believe that this terrible vocation is ever
+adopted, except by those who, through early training, or a long course
+of crime, have blunted the best feelings of human nature."
+
+Julius, who had hitherto been a silent but attentive listener, now
+addressed the Professor with an animation which surprised all present.
+"You must excuse me, Professor," said he, "if I dissent from your last
+remark. You seem to have overlooked the fact, that the numerous
+individuals devoted to this melancholy office, in Germany and France,
+compose two large families severally connected by intermarriages and
+adoptions. In France especially, the executioner is under a compulsory
+obligation to transmit his office to one of his sons, who grows up with
+a consciousness of this necessity; and, being systematically trained to
+it, he submits, in most instances, without repining, to his painful lot.
+If the executioner has only daughters, he adopts a young man, who
+becomes his son-in-law and successor. I knew an instance of adoption
+which affords decisive evidence, that even a youth of education and
+refinement, of spotless integrity, diffident, gentle, and humane to a
+fault, may be compelled, by the force of circumstances, to undertake an
+office from which his nature recoils with abhorrence, and from which, in
+this instance, the party would have been saved by a higher degree of
+moral courage."
+
+It was here remarked by one of the students, that cruel propensities and
+a want of courage were perfectly compatible.
+
+"But I am speaking of a _good_ man," warmly rejoined Julius, "and good
+in the best and most comprehensive sense of the word. A man, not only
+pure from all offence, but of primitive and uncorrupted singleness of
+heart. For the truth of this I can pledge myself, for I know him well."
+
+At this undisguised avowal of his acquaintance with a public
+executioner, his auditors looked at him, and at each other, with
+obvious dismay. "Oh!" continued he, with a mournful smile, while his
+pale face was flushed with strong emotion, "wonder not at this
+acknowledgment. I can assure you, that, on my part, the acquaintance was
+involuntary; and had we not already devoted too much time to this
+painful subject, I could, by relating this headsman's strange and
+eventful history, fully vindicate my opinion of him, and of the unhappy
+caste to which he belongs."
+
+The Professor, who thought that the detail of an interesting story would
+excite in the three students a friendly feeling for the melancholy
+narrator, besought him earnestly to indulge them with the recital. "In
+our present frame of mind," he added, "your narrative will lay a strong
+hold, and will doubtless tend to reconcile our various opinions."
+
+The students warmly seconded the Professor's entreaties, and, thus
+called upon, Julius could no longer hesitate to comply. A flush of
+timidity, or of some more deeply-seated feeling, darkened his pale
+forehead, while he paused some moments as if to collect his firmness for
+a trying effort. He then began, in tones which, although tremulous at
+first, became deep and impressive as he proceeded; while the Professor
+and his friends, little prepared to expect any continuous recital from
+one who rarely uttered a connected sentence, listened with strong and
+rising interest to the following narrative.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+It is about five-and-thirty years since a murderer was condemned to
+suffer death by the sword, at a town in western Normandy; and, on the
+morning of the execution, two senior pupils of the Jesuit-seminary went,
+by permission of their superiors, to view a spectacle of rare occurrence
+in that province. The cordial intimacy subsisting between these youths
+had long been a problem, both to their teachers and schoolfellows. So
+widely different, indeed, were they in appearance and character, and so
+harshly did the ferocity and cunning of the one contrast with the pure
+and gentle habits of the other, that they were called the "Wolf and the
+Lamb."
+
+The older of them, named Bartholdy, was a native of Strasburg, tall and
+robust in person, but high-shouldered, stooping, and in dress and gait
+slovenly and clownish. His yellow visage was deeply furrowed with the
+small-pox, and his remarkably large and staring eyes, which were of a
+pale and milky blue, indicated a dulness bordering on imbecility. This
+appearance, however, was belied by his habitual cunning, and by the
+dexterity with which he often contrived to exculpate himself under
+criminatory circumstances. His spreading jawbones, large mouth, and
+coarsely-moulded lips, truly betokened his proneness to sensual
+gratifications; and the collective expression of his forbidding features
+was so remarkable, that a single glance sufficed to fix it in the memory
+for ever. It was rumoured in the seminary, that this youth had been sent
+by his friends to a school so remote from Strasburg in consequence of
+some highly culpable irregularities; and certainly these rumours were
+justified by occasional instances of wolfish ferocity and deliberate
+duplicity, for which he was severely but vainly punished.
+
+Florian, the friend of Bartholdy, although nearly of the same age, was
+shorter by the head. His figure was slender and elegant--his countenance
+eminently prepossessing and ingenuous. His complexion was of that pure
+red and white, through which every flitting emotion is instantaneously
+legible. His hazel eyes sparkled with intelligence; locks of glossy
+chestnut curled round his fair and open forehead; and there was about
+his lips and smile a winning grace, which, at maturer age, would have
+been thought too feminine. Although not regularly handsome, there was in
+his form and features that harmonious configuration which is termed
+beauty of character, and which, when accompanied by the correspondent
+moral graces of gentleness and refinement, often lays a more enduring
+hold of the affections than beauty of a more dignified and masculine
+order. An habitual and blushing timidity of address, of which he was
+painfully conscious, made him shrink from a free and general intercourse
+with his fellow-pupils. He had few friends, because his bashful habits
+had made him fastidious and reserved; but his gentle and unassuming
+deportment, and the invariable sweetness of his temper, endeared him to
+the few who had penetration enough to discern his real merits; and so
+far recommended him to all, that the existence of an enemy was
+impossible.
+
+Thus widely opposite in physical and moral attributes were Florian and
+Bartholdy; and yet so cordial appeared their attachment, so incessant
+was their intercourse, that the presiding Jesuits could only solve this
+psychological enigma by conjecturing that Bartholdy, whose fierce temper
+and great bodily strength made him detested and shunned by every other
+boy, had found in the gentle sympathies of the unspoiled and credulous
+Florian a relief which long habit had made essential to him. It is
+probable, too, that the often guilty, and ever equivocal Bartholdy, had
+found a protecting influence in the warm adherence of one whose purity
+of mind and character were universally acknowledged. His specious
+reasoning rarely failed to convince the confiding Florian that he was
+unjustly accused, and on several occasions he was screened from
+well-merited punishment by the favourable testimony of a friend whose
+veracity was above all suspicion.
+
+Florian, on the other hand, was flattered by the consciousness of his
+power to protect one so much feared by all but himself, and whom he
+thought unjustly persecuted. He was bound to him also by the tie of
+gratitude, for the protection which he derived from the size and
+strength of Bartholdy when insulted or aggrieved in the quarrels which
+so often occur in large seminaries. Gradually, however, this exclusive
+intercourse with one so generally detested, alienated from Florian the
+good-will of his schoolfellows. Even the few who had most esteemed him,
+now shunned his society; and the two friends, finding themselves
+excluded from all participation in the sports and feelings of others,
+became more than ever essential to each other. This enduring intimacy of
+two beings so opposite had been long watched by the Jesuits who
+conducted the establishment; but, with their wonted sagacity, they
+forbore to check this singular friendship; not, however, in the hope of
+any amelioration in the habits of Bartholdy, but with a view to learn
+from the unqualified sincerity of Florian what the duplicity of the
+other would have concealed. Hoping that the trying spectacle of a public
+execution would make a salutary impression upon the hitherto callous
+feelings of Bartholdy, the reverend fathers had permitted him and his
+friend to be present on this awful occasion. Florian, who, at the
+urgent and often-repeated entreaties of Bartholdy, had applied for this
+permission, followed him with reluctant steps, and a heart beating with
+terror, and was prevented only by the jeers and remonstrances of his
+companion from running back to school, and burying his head under his
+bed-clothes, until the rush of the excited multitude, and the deep
+rolling of the drums and deathbells, had ceased. As usual, however, his
+complying temper yielded to the persuasion of his plausible and reckless
+friend, with whom he gained an elevated station, and so near the
+scaffold as to enable them to discern the features of the hapless
+criminal. Florian saw him kneel before the headsman; the broad weapon
+glittered in the sun-beams, and the assumed firmness of the trembling
+gazer utterly failed him. An ashy paleness overspread his features; his
+joints shook with terror; and closing his eyes, he saved himself from
+falling by clinging to the arm of Bartholdy, who, with unshaken nerves,
+opened to their full extent his large dull eyes, and glutted his savage
+curiosity by gazing with intense eagerness on the appalling scene. In a
+few seconds the severed head fell upon the scaffold; the headsman's
+assistant, grasping the matted locks, held it aloft to the gazing crowd;
+and Bartholdy exclaimed, with heartless indifference, "Come along,
+Florian! 'tis all over, and capitally done! I would bet a louis that you
+saw nothing, and yet your face looks as white as if it had left your
+shoulders. Be more a man, Florian. If thus daunted at the sight of
+another's execution, how would you face your own, if destined to mount
+the scaffold?"
+
+"Face my own!" exclaimed Florian, shuddering at the suggestion. "God
+forbid! I shall take good care to avoid it."
+
+"Say not so," rejoined Bartholdy; "no man can avoid his doom; and it may
+be yours or mine to die upon the scaffold. _Avoid it_, indeed! I wish
+from my soul that you had never uttered those unlucky words. How often
+do the very evils we most carefully shun fall upon our devoted heads! My
+mind has been long made up to avoid nothing; and, soon as I become my
+own master, I will throw myself on the world, and grapple with it
+boldly. _Avoid_ your destiny, indeed! Beware of using those words again;
+for, trust me, Florian, they bode no good to you."
+
+The timid Florian felt his blood freeze as he listened; but,
+recollecting himself, he was about to express his perfect reliance upon
+the integrity of his life and principles, when he shuddered with new
+dismay as he recollected the judicial murder of Calas, and considered
+the complexities of human and circumstantial evidence. In deep and
+silent dejection, he walked homeward with his friend. He felt as if his
+existence had been blighted by some sudden and dreadful calamity; and
+even fancied that he saw his future fate rising before him in storm and
+darkness, through which menacing images were indistinctly shadowed.
+Bartholdy, meanwhile, appeared as much exhilarated as if returning from
+a comedy, and amused himself with making sarcastic and ludicrous remarks
+upon the saddened countenances of the returning spectators.
+
+The lapse of several months gradually weakened the strong hold which the
+execution, and the strange comments of Bartholdy, had laid upon the
+imagination of Florian, but they tended to increase the timid indecision
+of his character, and induced a disposition to endure, in uncomplaining
+silence, many school annoyances, which more energy of character would
+have easily repelled. An extraordinary incident, however, gave a new
+turn to his situation. About six months after the execution, Bartholdy
+suddenly disappeared from the seminary; and this unaccountable event, by
+which Florian was the only sufferer, was neither explained nor even
+alluded to by the reverend fathers. To the scholars, who in vain sought
+an explanation of this mystery from the friend of Bartholdy, it was for
+some weeks a subject of wondering conjecture, which soon, however,
+subsided into indifference with all save Florian. He had lost his only,
+and, as he firmly believed, his sincerely attached friend and companion;
+and as this friendship had deprived him of the sympathy of every other
+schoolfellow, he had now no alternative but to retire within himself,
+and lean upon his own thoughts and resources. For some time he brooded
+incessantly upon the strange disappearance of his friend. He recollected
+that for several days preceding the event, the spirits of Bartholdy were
+so obviously depressed as to create inquiries, to which his replies were
+vague and unsatisfactory. Notwithstanding the guarded silence of the
+reverend fathers, it was evident to Florian that his friend had not
+absconded from the seminary, as not only his clothes and books, but even
+his bed, had disappeared with him. One article only remained, which had
+been left in the custody of Florian. It was a large clasp-knife, of
+excellent workmanship and finish. The handle was of the purest ivory,
+wrought in curious devices, and the long blade, which terminated in a
+sharp point, was secured from closing by a powerful spring, thus serving
+the double purpose of a knife and dagger. The owner of this remarkable
+weapon had told Florian that it was precious to him, as the legacy of a
+near relative, and requested him to take charge of it, from an
+apprehension that, if discovered in his own possession, it would either
+be stolen by the boys, or taken from him by the Jesuit fathers. "And
+now," sighed Florian, as he gazed with painful recollections on the
+knife, "it is too probably lost to him for ever. But if he is still in
+being, I may yet see and restore to him his favourite knife; and that I
+may be always ready to restore it, as well as in remembrance of the
+owner, I will henceforth always carry it about me."
+
+During the remainder of Florian's stay at the seminary, his thoughts
+continually reverted to his lost friend, who had, he feared, from a
+mysterious expression of the presiding Jesuit, met with some terrible
+calamity. During confession, he had once expressed his grief for the
+sudden deprivation of his friend, when, to his great surprise, the
+venerable priest, placing his hand solemnly upon the fair and innocent
+brow of Florian, exclaimed with fervent emphasis, "Thank God, my son,
+that it has so happened!"
+
+Florian often pondered upon these remarkable words, which, until some
+years after his departure from school, he could never satisfactorily
+interpret. For a long period he fondly cherished the memory of
+Bartholdy, and this feeling was prolonged by the knife, which, from
+habit, he continued to carry about him, even when the lapse of time had
+reconciled him to the loss of his early friend, and his riper judgment
+told him that that friend had unworthily imposed upon his credulity, and
+that the consequences of their exclusive intimacy still exercised a
+pernicious influence upon his character and his happiness.
+
+About three years after the disappearance of Bartholdy, the guardians of
+Florian, who had been an orphan from infancy, removed him from the
+seminary, and placed him as a law-student at the University of D.; but
+here again, although advantageously introduced and recommended, he found
+himself a stranger, unheeded, and desolate. His timid and now invincible
+reserve, which prevented all advances on his part towards a frank and
+social communion with his fellow-students, chilled that disposition to
+cultivate his acquaintance, which his graceful person and intelligent
+physiognomy had excited; while his hesitating indecision, at every
+trivial and commonplace incident, made him ridiculous to the few who had
+been won, by his prepossessing exterior, to occasional intercourse.
+Thus, amidst numbers of his own age and pursuit, and in the dense
+population of a city, the timid Florian continued as deficient as a
+child in all practical acquaintance with society. Without a single
+friend or associate, he acquired the habits of a solitary recluse; and,
+yielding supinely to what now appeared to him his destiny, he became
+anxious, disconsolate, and misanthropic. Conscious, however, that in
+France a sound and comprehensive knowledge of jurisprudence was a
+frequent avenue to honourable civic appointments, and yet overlooking
+his own incompetency to make any degree of legal knowledge available for
+this purpose, he pursued his studies for some years with indefatigable
+assiduity; and during the last year of his stay at D. his endeavours to
+insure himself, by accumulated knowledge, an honourable support, were
+stimulated by a growing attachment to the lovely daughter of a merchant,
+through whose agency he drew occasional supplies of money from his
+guardians.
+
+But even the passion of love, which so often rouses the latent powers of
+the diffident into life and energy, failed to inspire the timid Florian
+with that external ardour and prompt assiduity so essential to success;
+and although the fair object of his regard did not appear insensible to
+his silent and gentle homage, he never could collect resolution to
+reveal his feelings. His diffidence was increased, too, by the unmeaning
+gallantry of two young and lively officers of the garrison, who,
+although precluded by their nobility from marriage with the daughter of
+a citizen, employed a portion of their abundant leisure in making
+skirmishing experiments upon the affections of the lovely Angelique.
+While these military butterflies were fluttering round the woman he
+loved, poor Florian, daunted by the painful consciousness of his
+comparative disadvantages, rarely presumed to enter the villa in which
+her father resided, about half a league beyond the city gates, and
+endeavoured to console himself by wandering in a pleasant grove
+immediately contiguous. Here a majestic elm was endeared to him by the
+knowledge that his beloved Angelique often took her work to a turf seat
+beneath its spreading branches. Here, too, he sometimes left a flower,
+or other silent token of his regard, the ascertained acceptance of which
+did not, however, encourage him to any decisive measure. At length
+arrived the autumnal vacation, which closed his academic studies; and he
+determined to pass the winter in his native province, where he thought
+the influence of his guardians, and the favourable testimony of his
+Jesuit teachers, would procure for him such recommendations as might
+render his extensive legal knowledge available for his future support.
+He proposed to return in the ensuing spring to D.; and should his
+mistress have stood the test of six months' absence, and still regard
+him with an eye of favour, he would then openly declare himself. He
+called upon her father at his counting-house, and after explaining to
+him the probable advantages of his visit to Normandy, bade him farewell,
+and hastened with a beating heart to the villa, where he had the good
+fortune to find his Angelique alone. Always timid and irresolute in her
+presence, the fear of betraying his feelings on this occasion made him
+tremble as he approached her. Her young cheek glowed with unaffected
+blushes, as she observed a confusion which led her to anticipate an
+avowal of his attachment; and when he merely told her that he was going
+to pass the winter in Normandy, and had called to say farewell, her fine
+eyes became humid with the starting tears of sudden and uncontrollable
+emotion. Yet even this obvious proof of sympathy failed to encourage
+the timid and ever-doubting Florian. Persuaded that he had nothing but
+his sincerity to recommend him, he dreaded a repulse; and, pressing with
+gentle fervour her proffered hand, he hastily quitted the apartment
+without daring to take another look.
+
+After having secured a place in the diligence for the following morning,
+he called upon the few acquaintances he had in D., and late in the
+afternoon repaired with eager haste to the grove behind the abode of
+Angelique. He had determined that his favourite elm, hitherto the only
+witness of his love, should become the medium of a more palpable
+declaration of his feelings than he had hitherto dared to convey.
+Intending to carve in the bark the initial letters of his own and his
+fair one's names within the outline of a heart, he drew from his pocket
+the ivory clasp-knife of Bartholdy, which, after seven years of faithful
+custody, he had begun to consider as his own; and, kneeling on the bank
+of turf, he was enabled, by the sharpness of the point, to cut in deep
+and firm characters the initials of the name so dear to him. Laying down
+the knife upon the seat, he gazed, with folded arms, upon the beloved
+cipher, and fell into one of his accustomed reveries. An hour had thus
+elapsed, when suddenly he was roused from his dream of bliss by tones of
+loud and vehement contention at no great distance from the elm.
+Prompted by his natural aversion for scenes of violence, he concealed
+himself behind the tree, from whence he was enabled to discern his two
+military rivals, out of uniform, approaching the elm, and indicating, by
+furious tones and gestures, feelings of mutual and deadly animosity.
+Florian, whose sense of the awkwardness of his situation was increased
+by his timidity, fancied that he should be accused of listening to their
+conversation, and, retreating unobserved into the wood, he had gained
+the high-road before he recollected that he had left his knife on the
+seat of turf. Ashamed of his cowardice, he determined to return and
+claim it, in the event of its having been discovered and taken by one of
+the contending parties. He was solicitous, also, to complete the
+intended cipher on the bark of the elm, while there was light enough for
+his purpose; and concluding that his angry rivals had walked on in
+another direction, he hastily retraced his steps. Looking over some tall
+evergreen shrubs, which were separated by a footpath from the elm, he
+observed that the turf-seat was unoccupied. Supposing, from the total
+silence, that the hostile youths had quitted the grove, he emerged from
+the evergreens with confidence, and approached the tree, but recoiled in
+sudden horror, as he almost stepped upon the body of one of his rivals,
+who lay dead on his back, while the blood was issuing in torrents from a
+wound in his throat, inflicted by the knife of Bartholdy, the
+remarkable handle of which protruded from the deep incision. His blood
+froze as he gazed on this sad spectacle; and covering his face with his
+hands, he stood for some moments over the body in stolid and sickening
+horror. Soon, however, his strong antipathy to scenes of bloodshed and
+violence impelled him to rush, with headlong precipitation, from the
+fatal spot. Leaving his knife in the wound, he darted forward through
+the wood, and fortunately without meeting any one within or near it.
+When he reached the high-road, the darkness had so much increased as to
+render his features undistinguishable to the passengers, and, running
+towards the city, he soon reached the public promenade without the
+barriers, where he threw himself upon a bench, exhausted with terror and
+fatigue. Looking fearfully around him through the darkness, he
+endeavoured to collect his reasoning faculties, and immediately the
+recollection that he had left his knife in the throat of the murdered
+officer flashed upon him. With this fatal weapon were connected many old
+associations, which now crowded with sickening potency upon his memory.
+Again he saw the sarcastic grin with which his friend had said, "What we
+most carefully shun, is most likely to befall us." And would not the
+remarkable knife of Bartholdy too probably verify the malignant prophecy
+of its owner? Forgetful of the improbability that any one had seen in
+his possession a knife which, before that evening, he had never used,
+his senses yielded to an irresistible conviction, that this instrument
+of another's guilt would betray and lead him to the scaffold. Immediate
+flight was the only resource which presented itself to his bewildered
+judgment; and, rising from the bench, he hastened to his lodgings, to
+complete his preparations for departure the following morning. After a
+sleepless night, during which he started at every sound with
+apprehension of a nocturnal visit from the police, he proceeded at
+daybreak, with a heavy heart, to the post-house, where, observing a
+carrier's waggon on the point of departure for Normandy, he availed
+himself of the opportunity to facilitate his escape, by putting a few
+essentials into a cloak-bag, and forwarding his heavy trunk by the
+carrier. After some delay, of which every moment appeared an age, the
+diligence departed; and when the church-towers were lost in distance,
+the goading terrors of the unhappy fugitive yielded for a time to
+feelings of comparative security. His apprehensions, however, were
+renewed by every rising cloud of dust behind the diligence, and by every
+equestrian who followed and passed the vehicle. In vain did he endeavour
+to console himself with the consciousness that he was innocent, and
+under the protection of a just and merciful Providence. The judicial
+murder of Calas, and of other innocent sufferers, detailed in the
+_Causes Célčbres_ of Pitaval, were ever present to his fevered fancy;
+and when he closed his eyes and assumed the semblance of sleep, to avoid
+the conversation of his fellow-travellers, his imagination conjured up
+the staring orbs and satanic smile of Bartholdy, who pointed at him
+jeeringly, and exclaimed, "In vain you seek to shun your destiny! In
+France, the innocent and the guilty bleed alike upon the scaffold." And
+then he shouted in the ear of Florian, "Why did you part with the knife
+I confided to you? Why provoke me to become your evil genius?" Or, with
+a hoarse and fiendish laugh, he seemed to whisper to the shrinking
+fugitive--"You are a doomed man, Florian! doomed to the scaffold!"
+
+Thus busily did the frenzied fancy of the unhappy youth call up a
+succession of imaginary terrors, until at dusk the diligence stopped at
+a solitary inn, and Florian heard, with new alarm, that here the
+passengers were to remain the night. "And here," thought the timid
+fugitive, "I shall certainly be overtaken and arrested by the
+gens-d'armes." A traveller, who arrived soon after the diligence, and
+supped with the passengers, afforded him, however, another chance of
+escape. This man was lamenting that, at a neighbouring fair, he had not
+been able to sell an excellent horse, and Florian, watching his
+opportunity, concluded the purchase with little bargaining. Pleading the
+necessity of going forward on urgent business, he mounted his purchase,
+and quitted the inn-yard, with a heart lightened by the certainty that
+he should gain a night upon his pursuers. At that time France was at
+peace both abroad and at home; passports were not essential to the
+native traveller; and Florian, turning down the first cross-road,
+proceeded rapidly all night, and the four following days; pausing
+occasionally to refresh his wearied steed, changing his name whenever he
+was required to declare it, and observing a zigzag direction to blind
+his pursuers. On the fifth morning he found himself in a fertile
+district of central France; and, considering himself safe from all
+immediate danger, he pursued his journey more leisurely between the
+vine-covered and gently-swelling hills, until the noonday heat and dusty
+road made him sensibly feel the want of refreshment. While gazing around
+him for some hamlet or cottage to pause at, his attention was caught by
+sounds of lamentation at no great distance, and a sudden turn in the
+road revealed to him a prostrate mule, vainly endeavouring to regain his
+legs, one of which was broken. A tall boy, in peasant garb, was
+scratching his head in rustic embarrassment at this dilemma, and near
+him stood a young and very lovely woman, wringing her hands in
+perplexity, and lamenting over the unfortunate mule, a remarkably fine
+animal, and caparisoned with a completeness which indicated the easy
+circumstances of his owner. Florian immediately stopped his horse, and,
+with his wonted kindness, dismounted to offer his assistance. The young
+woman said nothing as he approached, but her beautiful dark eyes
+appealed to him for aid and counsel with an eloquence which reached
+his heart in a moment. Examining the mule, he said, after some
+consideration, "There is no hope for the poor animal; and the most
+humane expedient will be to shoot him as soon as possible. Your
+side-saddle can be strapped on my horse, which shall convey you to the
+next village, or as much farther as you like, if you have no objection
+to the conveyance."
+
+Expressing her thanks with engaging frankness and cordiality, the
+fair traveller told him that she was returning from a visit to some
+relations, and that she was still four leagues from her father's house.
+She would gladly, she said, avail herself of his kind offer, but
+insisted that her servant should not kill her favourite mule until she
+was out of sight and hearing. Then turning briskly towards Florian,
+she told him that she was ready to proceed, but objected to the exchange
+of saddles; and, as she was accustomed to ride on a pillion, would
+rather sit behind him as well as she could, than give him the trouble
+of walking four leagues. Finding all opposition fruitless, Florian
+remounted; and, with the assistance of her servant, the fair unknown was
+soon seated behind him. Blushing and laughing at the necessity, she put
+an arm around his waist to support herself, and then begged him to
+proceed without delay, as she was anxious to reach home before night.
+
+Conversing as they journeyed onward, their communications became every
+moment more cordial and interesting; and as Florian felt the warm hand
+of his lovely companion near his heart, he began to feel a soothing
+sense of gratification, which cheered and elevated his perturbed
+spirits. He had never before found himself in such near and agreeable
+relation to a beautiful and lively woman; and whenever he turned his
+head to speak or listen, he found the finest black eyes, and the most
+lovely mouth he had ever seen, within a few inches of his own. So
+potent, indeed, was the charm of her look and language, that he forgot,
+for a time, the timid graces and less sparkling beauty of her he had
+lost for ever, and was insensibly beguiled of all his fears and sorrows
+as he listened to the lively sallies of this laughter-loving fair one.
+Meanwhile they had quitted the cross-road in which he had discovered
+her, and pursued, by her direction, the great road from Paris towards
+eastern France. Here, however, he remarked, with surprise, that she
+invariably drew the large hood of her cloak over her face when any
+travellers passed them; and his surprise was converted into uneasiness
+and suspicion, when, after commencing the last league of their journey,
+she drew the hood entirely over her face; and her conversation, before
+so animated and flowing, was succeeded by total silence, or by replies
+so brief and disjointed as to indicate that her thoughts were intensely
+preoccupied.
+
+The sun had reached the horizon when they arrived within a short
+half-league of the town before them, and here she suddenly asked her
+conductor whether he intended to travel farther before morning. Florian,
+hoping to obtain some clue to her name and residence, replied that he
+was undetermined; on which she advised him to give a night's rest to his
+jaded horse, and strongly recommended to him an hotel, the name and
+situation of which she minutely described. He promised to comply with
+her recommendations; and immediately, by a prompt and vigorous effort,
+she threw herself from the horse to the ground. Hastily arranging her
+disordered travelling-dress, she approached him, clasped his hand in
+both her own and thanked him, in brief but fervent terms, for the
+important service he had rendered her. "And now," added she, in visible
+embarrassment, as she raised her hood, and looked fearfully around, "I
+have another favour to request. My father would not approve of your
+accompanying me home, nor must the town gossips see me at this hour with
+a young man and a stranger: you will, therefore, oblige me by resting
+your horse here for half an hour, that I may reach the town before you.
+Will you do me this favour?" she repeated, with a pleading look. "Most
+certainly I will," replied the good-natured but disappointed Florian.
+"Farewell, then," she cordially rejoined, "and may Heaven reward your
+kindness!"
+
+Bounding forward with a light and rapid step, she soon disappeared round
+a sharp angle in the road, occasioned by a sudden bend of the adjacent
+river. Florian, dismounting to relieve his horse, gazed admiringly upon
+her elastic step and well-turned figure, until she was out of sight. He
+recollected, with a sigh of regret, the sprightly graces and artless
+intelligence of her conversation; again the sense of his desolate and
+perilous condition smote him; he felt himself more than ever forlorn and
+unhappy, and reproached himself for the helpless bashfulness which had
+prevented him from inquiring more urgently the name and residence of
+this charming stranger. While thus painfully musing, the time she had
+prescribed elapsed; and Florian, remounting, let the bridle fall upon
+the neck of the exhausted animal, which paced towards the town as
+deliberately as the unknown fair one could have wished. At a short
+distance from the town-gate the high-road passed under an archway,
+composing part of a detached house of Gothic and ancient structure;
+and on the town side of the arch was a toll-bar, at which a boy was
+stationed, who held out his hat to Florian, and demanded half a sous.
+"For what?" asked Florian.
+
+"A long-established toll, sir," said the boy; "and if you have a
+compassionate heart, you will give another half-sous to the condemned
+criminals," he continued, as he pointed to an iron box, placed near the
+house door, under a figure of the Virgin. Shuddering at the words,
+Florian threw some copper coins into the box; and, as he hastened
+forward, endeavoured to banish the painful association of ideas, by
+fixing his thoughts upon the mysterious fair one. Suspecting, from the
+pressing manner in which she had recommended a particular hotel to his
+preference, that, if he went there, he might possibly see or hear from
+her in the morning, he proceeded to the Henri Quatre, which proved to be
+an hotel of third-rate importance, but well suited to his limited means,
+and recommending itself by an air of cleanliness and comfort. The
+evenings at this season were cool; and as it would have required some
+time to heat the parlour, the landlord proposed to him to sit down and
+take some refreshment in his well-warmed kitchen. Florian complied with
+this invitation, but not without some apprehension of the presence of
+strangers; and, stepping into the kitchen, was relieved by the discovery
+that it was occupied only by servants, who were too busily engaged in
+preparing supper to take notice of him.
+
+Sitting down in a corner near the fire, the combined effects of a genial
+warmth and excessive fatigue threw him into a sound sleep, which lasted
+several hours, and would have continued much longer, had he not been
+roused by the landlord, who told him that his supper had been ready some
+time, but that he had been unwilling to disturb a slumber so profound.
+In fact, the repose of the unfortunate fugitive had not, during the five
+preceding nights, been so continuous and refreshing, so free from
+painful and menacing visions. Rising drowsily from his chair, he
+followed the landlord to a table where a roasted capon and a glass jug
+of bright wine waited his arrival. The servants had all retired for the
+night,--the landlord quitted the kitchen, and Florian, busily engaged in
+dissecting the fowl, thought himself the sole tenant of the spacious
+apartment, when, looking accidentally towards the fire, he saw with
+surprise that the chair he had just quitted was occupied. Looking more
+intently, he distinguished a short man of more than middle age, whose
+square and sturdy figure was partially concealed by a capacious mantle.
+His hair was grey, his forehead seamed with broad wrinkles, and his
+bushy brows beetled over a set of features stern and massive as if cast
+in iron. His eyes were small and deep-set, but of a lustrous black; and
+Florian observed with dismay that they were fixed upon his countenance
+with a look of searching scrutiny. It was near midnight, and in the
+deep silence which reigned through the house, this motionless attitude,
+and marble fixedness of look, gave to the stranger's appearance a
+character so appalling, that, had he not broken the spell by stooping
+to light his pipe, the excited Florian would ere long have thought him
+an unearthly object. The stranger now quitted his seat by the fire,
+took from a table near him a jug of wine, and approached the wondering
+Florian. "With your leave, my good sir," he began, "I will take a chair
+by your table. A little friendly gossip is the best of all seasoning to
+a glass of wine."
+
+Without waiting for a reply, the old man seated himself directly
+opposite to Florian, and again fixed a scrutinising gaze upon
+his countenance. The conscious fugitive, who felt a growing and
+unaccountable dread of this singular intruder, muttered a brief assent,
+and continued to eat his supper in silent but obvious embarrassment;
+stealing now and then a timid look at the stranger, but hastily
+withdrawing his furtive glances as he felt the beams of the old man's
+small and vivid eyes penetrating his very soul. He observed that the
+features of his tormentor were cast in a vulgar mould, but his gaze was
+widely different from that of clownish curiosity, and there was in his
+deportment a stern and steady self-possession, which suggested to the
+alarmed Florian a suspicion that he was an agent of the police, who had
+probably tracked him through the cross-roads he had traversed in his
+flight from D. The rich colour of his cheeks turned to an ashy paleness
+at this appalling conjecture; and, leaving his supper unfinished, he
+rose abruptly from the table to quit the room, when the old man,
+starting suddenly from his chair, seized the shaking hand of Florian,
+and, looking cautiously around him, said in subdued but impressive
+tones--"It is not accident, young man, which brings us together at this
+hour. I came in while you were asleep, and begged the landlord would not
+awaken you, that I might say a few words to you in confidence, after the
+servants had gone to bed."
+
+"To me?" exclaimed Florian, in anxious wonder.
+
+"Hush!" said the old man, again looking round the kitchen. "My object
+is to give you a friendly warning; for, if I am not for the first time
+mistaken in these matters, you are menaced with a formidable danger."
+
+"Danger?" repeated the pallid Florian, in a voice scarcely audible.
+
+"And have you not good reason to expect this danger?" continued the
+stranger. "Your sudden paleness tells me that you know it. I am an old
+man, and my life has been a rough pilgrimage, but I have still a warm
+heart, and can make large allowances for the headlong impetuosities
+which too often plunge a young man into crime. You may safely trust
+one," he continued, placing his hand upon his heart, "in whose bosom
+the confessions of many hapless fugitives repose, and will repose, so
+long as life beats in my pulses. I betray no man who confides in me,
+were he stained even with _blood_."
+
+Pausing a little, he fixed a keenly searching look upon the shrinking
+youth, and then whispered in his ear--"Young man! you have a _murder_
+on your conscience!"
+
+For a moment the apprehensions of Florian yielded to a lofty sense of
+indignation at this groundless charge. "It is false, old man!" he
+exclaimed with energy. "I swear by the just God who searches all hearts,
+that I am not conscious of _any_ crime."
+
+"I shall rejoice to learn that I am mistaken," replied the old man, with
+evident gratification, as again he fixed his searching orbs upon the
+indignant Florian. "If you are innocent, it will be all the better for
+both of us; but," he continued, after a hasty look around him, "the
+danger I alluded to still hangs over your head. I trust, however, that
+with God's help I shall be able to shield you from it."
+
+Florian, too much alarmed to reply, looked at him doubtingly. "I will
+deal candidly with you," resumed the old man, after a pause of
+reflection. "When you rode by my house this evening"----
+
+"Who and what are you?" exclaimed Florian, in new astonishment.
+
+"Have a little patience, young man!" replied the stranger, while his
+iron features relaxed into a good-natured smile. "Do you recollect the
+tall archway under an old house where a toll of half a sous was demanded
+from you? That house is mine; and I was sitting by the window as you
+threw an alms into the box for the condemned criminals. Had you then
+looked upward, you would have seen a naked sword and a bright axe
+suspended over your head."
+
+At these words Florian shuddered, and involuntarily retreated some paces
+from his companion. "I see by your flinching," sternly resumed the old
+man, "that you guess who is before you. You are right, young man! I _am_
+the town executioner, but an honest man withal, and well inclined to
+render you essential service. Now, mark me! When you stopped beneath the
+broad blade, it quivered, and jarred against the axe. Whoever is thus
+greeted by the headsman's sword is inevitably doomed to come in contact
+with it. I heard the boding jar, which every executioner in France well
+knows how to interpret, and I immediately determined to follow and to
+warn you."
+
+The unhappy youth, who had listened in disheartening emotion to this
+strange communication, now yielded to a sense of ungovernable terror.
+Covering with both his hands his pallid face, he exclaimed, in nameless
+agony--"O God! in thy infinite mercy, save me!"
+
+"Hah!" ejaculated the headsman sternly, "have I then roused your
+sleeping conscience? However, whether you conclude to open or to shut
+your heart, is now immaterial. In either case, I will never betray
+you--for accusation and judgment belong not to my office. Profit,
+therefore, as you best may, by my well-intended warning. Alas! alas!"
+he muttered between his closed teeth, "that one so young should dip
+his hands in blood!"
+
+"By all that is sacred!" exclaimed Florian, with trembling eagerness, "I
+am innocent of murder, and incapable of falsehood; and yet so disastrous
+is my destiny, that I am beset with peril and suspicion. You are an
+utter stranger to me, but you appear to have benevolence and worldly
+wisdom. Listen to my tale, and then in mercy give me aid and counsel."
+
+He now unfolded to the executioner the extraordinary chain of
+circumstances which had compelled him to seek security in flight, and
+told his tale of trials with an artless and single-hearted simplicity
+of language, look, and gesture, which carried with it irresistible
+conviction of his innocence. The rigid features of the headsman
+gradually relaxed, as he listened, into a cheerful and even cordial
+expression; then warmly grasping the hand of Florian as he concluded,
+he said, "Well! well! I see how it is. In my profession we learn how to
+read human nature. When I watched your slumber, I thought your sleep
+looked very like the sleep of innocence; and now I believe from my soul
+that you are as guiltless of this murder as I am. With God's help I will
+yet save you from this peril; and, indeed, had you killed your rival in
+sudden quarrel, I would have done as much for you, for I well know that
+sudden wrath has made many a good man blood-guilty. There was certainly
+some danger of your being implicated by the singular circumstances you
+have detailed; but the real and formidable peril has grown out of your
+flight. That was a blunder, young man! but I see no reason to despair.
+'Tis true, the broad blade has denounced you, and my grandfather and
+father, as well as myself, have traced criminals by its guidance; but I
+know that the sword will speak alike to its master and its victim. You
+have yet to learn, young man, that in this life every man is either an
+anvil or a hammer, a tool or a victim; and that he who boldly grasps the
+blade will never be its victim. Briefly, then, I feel a regard for you.
+I have no sons, but I have a young and lovely daughter. Marry her, and I
+will adopt you as my successor. You will then fulfil your destiny by
+coming in contact with the sword; and, if you clutch it firmly, I will
+pledge myself that you never die by it."
+
+At this strange proposal Florian started on his feet with indignant
+abhorrence. "Hold!" continued the headsman coolly. "Why hurry your
+decision? The night is long, and favourable to reflection. Bestow a full
+and fair consideration upon my proposal, and recollect that your neck is
+in peril; that all your prospects in life are blasted; and that my offer
+of a safe asylum, and a competent support, can alone preserve you from
+despair and destruction. The sword has sent you a helper in the hour of
+need, and if you reject the friendly warning, you will soon discover
+that the consciousness of innocence will not protect a blushing and
+irresolute fugitive from the proverbial ubiquity and prompt severity of
+the French police."
+
+The headsman now emptied his glass, and with a friendly nod left
+the kitchen. Soon after his departure the landlord appeared with a
+night-lamp, and conducted Florian to his apartment. Without undressing,
+the bewildered youth extinguished his lamp, and threw himself on the
+bed, hoping that the darkness would accelerate the approach of sleep,
+and of that oblivion which in his happier days had always accompanied
+it. Vain, however, for some hours, was every attempt to lull his senses
+into forgetfulness. The revolting proposal of the old man haunted him
+incessantly.
+
+"I become an"----he muttered indignantly, but could never utter the
+hateful word. The shrinking diffidence which had been a fertile source
+of difficulty to him through life, had been increased tenfold by his
+recent calamities; he was conscious even to agony of his total inability
+to contend with the consequences of his imprudent and cowardly flight;
+but from _such_ means of escape he recoiled with unutterable loathing.
+He felt that he should never have resolution to grasp the sword which
+was to save him from being numbered with its victims, and yet his
+invincible abhorrence of this alternative failed to rouse in him the
+moral courage which would have promptly rescued him from the toils of
+the cunning headsman. The broken slumber into which he fell before
+morning was haunted by boding forms and tragic incidents. The sword, the
+axe, the scaffold, and the rack, flitted around him in quick procession,
+and seemed to close every avenue to escape. He awoke from these visions
+of horror at daybreak, and left his bed as wearied in body, and as
+irresolute in mind, as when he entered it. Dreading alike a renewal of
+the executioner's proposal, and the risk of being arrested and tried for
+murder, he saw no alternative but flight--immediate flight beyond the
+bounds of France. While pondering over the best means of accomplishing
+this now settled purpose, the tin weathercock upon the roof of his
+bedroom creaked in the morning breeze. Florian, to whose excited fancy
+the headsman's sword was ever present, thought he heard it jar against
+the axe, and started in sudden terror. "Whither shall I fly?" he
+exclaimed, as tears of agony rolled down his cheeks--"where find
+a refuge from the sword of justice? Alas! my doom is fixed and
+unalterable. Anvil or hammer I must be, and I have not courage to
+become either."
+
+Again the weathercock creaked above him, and more intelligibly than
+before. Florian, discovering the simple cause of his terrors, rallied
+his drooping spirits, and hastened down-stairs to order his horse, that
+he might leave the hotel and the town before the promised visit of the
+fearful headsman. Notwithstanding his urgency, he found his departure
+unaccountably delayed. The servants were not visible, and the landlord,
+insisting that he should take a warm breakfast before his departure, was
+so dilatory in preparing it, that a full hour elapsed before Florian
+rode out of the stable-yard. His officious host then persisted in
+sending a boy to show him the nearest way to the town gate; and the
+impatient traveller, who would gladly have declined the offer, found
+himself obliged to submit. His guide accompanied him to the extremity
+of the small suburb beyond the eastern gate, and quitted him; while
+Florian, whose ever-ready apprehensions had been roused by the tenacious
+civility of the landlord, rode slowly forward, looking around
+occasionally at his returning guide, and determining to take the first
+cross-road he could find. A little farther he discovered the entrance
+of a narrow lane, shaded by a double row of lofty chestnuts; and as he
+turned towards it his horse's head, he saw the old man, whose promised
+visit he was endeavouring to escape, issuing from the lane on horseback.
+"I guessed as much," said the headsman, smiling, as he rode up to the
+startled fugitive. "I knew you would try to escape me, but I cannot
+consent that you should thus run headlong into certain destruction. You
+have neither sanguine hopes nor a fixed purpose to support you, and you
+want firmness to answer with discretion the trying questions which will
+everywhere assail you. You are silent--you feel the full extent of your
+danger--why not then embrace the certain protection I offer you? Fear
+not that I shall either repeat or allude to my last night's proposal. My
+sole object is your immediate protection at this critical period, when
+you are doubtless tracked in all directions by the blood-hounds of the
+police. At the frontiers you will inevitably be stopped and identified;
+but under my roof you will be safe from all pursuit and suspicion. I
+live secluded from the world; I have no visitors; and your presence will
+not be suspected by any one. In a few weeks the heat of pursuit will
+abate, and you may then take your departure with renewed courage and
+confidence."
+
+"Courage and confidence!" repeated to himself the timid Florian; "would
+Heaven I had either!" The good sense, however, of the old man's advice
+was so obvious, that he determined to avail himself of so kind an offer.
+Gratefully pressing his hand, he dismissed all doubts of his sincerity,
+and said, "I will accompany you; and may God reward your benevolence,
+for I cannot."
+
+"We must return by the road I came," said the headsman, turning his
+horse. "It will take us outside the town to my house; and, at this hour,
+we shall arrive there unperceived. Your landlord, who is under
+obligations to me, sent you this road at my request. He supposes that
+you are my distant relative, and that, unwilling to appear in public
+with an executioner, you had made an appointment with me for this early
+hour on your way homeward."
+
+After a ride of half an hour through the shady lanes which skirted the
+ramparts, they reached the back entrance of the Gothic building before
+mentioned, and Florian entered this singular sanctuary with emotions not
+easily described. The old headsman was in high spirits; and the blunt
+but genuine kindness and cordiality of his manners soon removed from the
+mind of his guest every lurking suspicion that some treachery was
+intended. The table was promptly covered with an excellent breakfast,
+and the old man sent a message to his daughter, requesting that she
+would bring a bottle of the best wine in the cellar.
+
+Florian fixed his eyes upon the door in shrinking anticipation. He
+suspected new attempts to ensnare him to the headsman's purpose; and
+notwithstanding his firm determination to resist them, he recoiled with
+fastidious disgust from the possible necessity of contending with the
+meretricious advances of a bold and reckless female, whose limited
+opportunities of marriage would impel her to lure him by any means to
+her father's object. How widely different were his emotions when the
+door opened, and his lovely travelling-companion, whom, in the terrors
+of the past night, he had forgotten, entered, in blushing embarrassment,
+with the bottle of wine. In a tumult of mingled apprehension and
+delight, he started from his chair, but the cordial greeting he intended
+was checked by a significant wink from the lively fair one as she passed
+behind her father to the table. It was obvious to Florian that she
+wished to conceal their previous acquaintance, and with a silent bow he
+resumed his seat, while the smiling maid, whom her father introduced to
+his guest by the name of Madelon, took a chair between them, and the
+conversation soon became general and exhilarating.
+
+The continued fever of apprehension which had almost unhinged the reason
+of the timid Florian, now rapidly subsided. The cordial hospitality of
+the old headsman soon made him feel at home in an abode which he had
+once contemplated with horror and disgust; while the artless attentions
+and fascinating vivacity of the pretty Madelon soon wove around him a
+magic spell, and invested the Gothic chambers of her father's antique
+mansion with all the splendours of Aladdin's palace.
+
+Motherless from the age of fourteen, and secluded by her father's
+vocation from all society save occasional intercourse with relatives of
+the same degraded caste, the headsman's daughter had been early
+accustomed to rely upon her own resources.
+
+Most of her leisure hours had been devoted to a comprehensive course of
+historical reading, from which her unpolished but strong-minded father
+conceived that she would derive not only amusement and instruction, but
+that sustaining fortitude so essential to the station in which her
+lot was cast. Thus her innocent and active mind, untainted by the
+licentiousness and infidelity of French romance, acquired concentration
+and strength; the study of sacred and profane history induced habits of
+salutary reflection, and her character gradually developed a masculine
+yet unpretending energy, which admirably fitted her to become the
+helpmate of a man so timid and indecisive as Florian. Her mother was a
+Parisian, of good manners and education, but an orphan and defenceless.
+Persecuted by a licentious nobleman, who, in revenge for her firm
+rejection of his dishonourable addresses, had accused her of theft,
+she had effected her escape from the chateau in which she resided as
+governess to his daughters, to the same town in which Florian had been
+discovered by the headsman. Circumstances somewhat similar, but not
+essential to my narrative, had induced her to accept a temporary asylum
+in the house of the executioner, whose mother was then living; and here,
+in a moment of despair at her destitute and hopeless condition, she
+accepted the often-tendered addresses of the enamoured headsman, and
+became his wife. The life of this amiable and accomplished woman was
+shortened by her calamities, and by a sense of degradation which she
+could never subdue. Secluded from all human society save that of an
+uncultivated husband, who but imperfectly understood her value, she
+loved her only child with more than a mother's idolatry; and, while her
+strength permitted, devoted herself, with unceasing solicitude, to the
+formation of her mind, and to the regulation of her untamable vivacity.
+Thus happily moulded in her early youth, and judiciously cultivated
+after her mother's death, Madelon combined, with clear and vigorous
+perceptions, a degree of personal attraction rarely seen in France, and
+no small portion of the feminine grace and fascination peculiar to
+well-educated Frenchwomen, while to these advantages were superadded
+eyes of radiant lustre, a voice rich in soft and musical inflections,
+and a smile of irresistible archness and witchery. Accustomed, from her
+limited opportunities of observation, to regard men as collectively
+coarse and uncultivated, she had been immediately and powerfully
+attracted by the elegant person, the refined and gentle manners, of
+Florian, during their four leagues' journey; and to one who felt the
+value of knowledge, and eagerly sought to extend her means of pursuing
+it, there was, on farther acquaintance, a charm in his comprehensive
+attainments and in the classic elegance of his diction, which
+compensated for the unmanly timidity and morbid infirmity of purpose,
+so easily distinguishable in his character and conduct.
+
+In Florian, whose feelings were fortified by reminiscences of a prior
+attachment, the progress of sentiment was slower, but not less certain
+in its tendency. His silent worship of Angelique had always been
+accompanied by doubts and misgivings innumerable. He thought her lost to
+him for ever; he felt that all his prospects of professional advancement
+were blighted by the disastrous incident at D., and his consequent
+flight; and insensibly he yielded to the charm of daily and hourly
+intercourse with the bewitching Madelon. The consciousness of her
+admiring prepossession, and of his own superior attainments, gave to
+him, while conversing with her, a soothing self-possession, an expansion
+of thought and feeling, and a glowing facility of elocution, which he
+had never yet experienced, and which proved a source of exquisite and
+inexhaustible gratification. Her unceasing sympathy and kindness, her
+flattering anticipation of his wishes, lulled the anguish of his
+recollections, and her sparkling gaiety never failed to rouse his
+drooping spirits. He soon learned to estimate at its true value the rare
+combination of gentleness and energy which her character displayed;
+while her courageous self-possession and unfailing resources under every
+difficulty, made him regard her as a woman gifted beyond her sex with
+those qualities in which he felt himself most deficient. In short,
+feelings of deep and lasting attachment stole insensibly into the hearts
+of the youthful pair. Florian had surrendered all his sympathies to
+Madelon before he was conscious of the power she had gained over his
+happiness, and their mutual affection was betrayed and sealed by word
+and pledge before he reflected upon the inevitable consequences. Too
+soon, alas! he was awakened from this dream of bliss to a long reality
+of terror and anguish. The spell which bound him was broken, and the
+scene of enchantment was abruptly changed into a chaos of interminable
+dismay and anxiety.
+
+Some weeks after his arrival in this asylum, the headsman had advised
+him to prolong his stay until all danger of pursuit had subsided, and
+the fears of the fugitive soon gave way to cheering sensations of
+security and confidence. To lovers the present is everything: Florian
+forgot alike the trying past and the menacing future; weeks and months
+flitted past unobserved by the youthful pair, while the crafty headsman,
+who had silently watched their growing intelligence, crowed in secret
+over the now certain success of his stratagem.
+
+Several months had thus elapsed, and the old man, after ascertaining
+from his daughter that the affections and the honour of Florian were
+irredeemably plighted, took an opportunity to address him one morning as
+soon as Madelon had quitted the breakfast-room.
+
+"I think it is high time, young man," he said, smiling, "that you should
+proceed to business. Come along with me into my workshop."
+
+Florian looked at him in silent wonder, but unhesitatingly followed him
+into the capacious cellars, where the old man unlocked a door which his
+guest had never before observed. Florian entered with his conductor, but
+started back in dismay as he saw a number of executioner's swords and
+axes hanging round the walls of a low vaulted room, in the centre of
+which several cabbage-heads were fixed with pegs upon an oblong block of
+wood. The headsman took one of the swords from the wall, drew it from
+the scabbard, carefully wiped the glittering blade, and then offered
+it to Florian. "Now, my son," he began, "try your strength upon these
+cabbage-heads. It is easy work, and requires nothing but a steady hand."
+
+"Gracious heaven! you cannot be in earnest!" exclaimed Florian,
+retreating from him in deadly terror.
+
+"Not in earnest?" rejoined the headsman, sternly; "I consider your
+compliance as a matter of course. You love my daughter--you have won her
+affections--and surely, Florian, you are not the man to play her false!"
+
+"God forbid!" exclaimed Florian with honest fervour. "I dearly love her,
+and seek no happier lot than to become her husband."
+
+"I offered her to you, my son!" said the other with returning kindness;
+"but you did not like the conditions, and declined her. You have since,
+without my permission, sought and won her affections, and you have no
+right to flinch from the implied consequences. It is high time to come
+to a conclusion, and to apply yourself in good faith to the only pursuit
+through which you can ever obtain my Madelon."
+
+"The only one?" timidly repeated Florian. "I have, 'tis true, abandoned
+for your daughter's sake the world, and the world's prejudices; but I am
+young and industrious; I possess valuable knowledge, and surely I may
+find some employment which will maintain a wife and family. Do, my good
+father, relinquish this dreadful vocation"----
+
+"And my daughter!" exclaimed the headsman, with loud and bitter
+emphasis. "What is to become _her_? If even you could step back within
+the pale of society, _she_ would for ever be excluded. But you have
+neither moral courage nor animal bravery enough for any worldly
+pursuit--your original station in society is irrecoverably gone--and if
+you attempt to leave this safe asylum, the sword of justice will face
+you at every turn. No, no, Florian! I love my future son-in-law too well
+to expose him to such imminent and deadly peril. There, read that paper!
+The contents will bring you to your senses."
+
+With these words, which struck like a wintry chill into the heart of
+Florian, he took an old newspaper from his pocket-book. The unhappy
+fugitive received it with a shaking hand, and read a judicial summons
+from the authorities of D., seeking intelligence of a student, who had
+on a certain day quitted the university by the diligence for Normandy,
+and unaccountably disappeared. His Christian and surname, with an
+accurate description of his dress and person, were appended. Glancing
+fearfully down the page, he distinguished some particulars of a murder;
+his sight grew dim with terror; and after a vain attempt to read
+farther, he dropped the fatal document, and reeled back, breathless, and
+almost fainting, against the wall.
+
+"He is the very man!" muttered the headsman, whose keen eye had been
+intently fixed upon him during the perusal. "I never asked your real
+name, young man," he continued, "but now I know it. Your terrors would
+betray it to a child. How then are you, without fortitude to face the
+common evils of life, and bearing in every feature a betrayer, to escape
+the giant-grasp of the French police? And had this calamity never
+befallen you, how could you gain a support in a world, which, by your
+own confession, you have ever found ungenial and repulsive? Believe me,
+Florian! here, and here only, will you find safety, support, and
+happiness."
+
+"Happiness?" mournfully repeated Florian.
+
+"Yes, happiness!" rejoined the tempter. "You and Madelon love each
+other, and in every station, from the highest to the lowest, love is
+the salt of life, the balm and cordial of existence. My office descends
+from generation to generation; it insures to the holder not only a good
+house and landed property, but an income of no mean amount. Every
+traveller who passes my house pays me a toll, because fifty years
+since an inundation compelled the town to cut a high-road through my
+grandfather's garden. Of all these benefits I shall be deprived, when
+old and disabled, if my children disdain to follow my vocation; and if
+Madelon were to marry within the pale of that society which regards her
+father with abhorrence, my house and vineyard would be destroyed by the
+bigoted and furious populace, and too probably my innocent child along
+with them. Have you the heart, Florian, to hazard her destruction and
+your own, in preference to an office essential to the existence of civil
+society, and from which that obedience to the laws, which is the first
+duty of a good citizen, removes all self-reproach? With a due sense of
+the importance of your official duties, you will find yourself sustained
+in the performance of them; and a practised hand will soon give you
+firmness enough to follow a vocation attended with no personal risk; but
+if you determine to leave me, where will you find resolution to face the
+perils which surround you? and if you escape them, how are you to
+compete in the race of life with the daring and the fleet?"
+
+The appalling alternatives held out to Florian by the politic headsman,
+and the consciousness of his own inability either to escape the police,
+or to steer his way successfully through the shoals and quicksands of
+life, rendered him incapable of argument or reply. He had for some
+months been cut off from all that freedom has to bestow--he had neither
+relations nor friends on whose interposition he could firmly rely--he
+recollected with agony that every heart beyond the limits of his present
+home was steeled against him--that every hand was ready to seize and
+betray him. Should he quit this safe asylum, and even establish his
+innocence of the imputed murder, his ignorance of the world, and his
+invincible timidity and self-distrust, would make him the prey of any
+plausible knavery. Bewildered and stupified by contending emotions, his
+mind became palsied by despair, and his powers of resistance began to
+fail him. The headsman saw his advantage; but, satisfied with the
+impression he had made upon his hapless victim, he ceased to press any
+immediate decision, told him to consider of the proposal, and went to
+his vineyard; while Florian, hastening to his Madelon, was assailed by
+all the witchery of sighs and tears; by looks, which alternately pleaded
+and upbraided; and by inspiriting and cogent arguments, which shamed him
+into temporary resolution. Thus alternately intimidated by the deep
+tones and stern denunciations of the father, encouraged by the specious
+reasonings of the daughter, or soothed by her resistless fascinations;
+assured, too, by the headsman, that for some years sentences of
+decapitation, with rare exceptions, had been commuted for the galleys,
+his power to contend with his tempter abandoned him: he dropped, like
+the fascinated bird, into the jaws of the serpent; and, yielding to
+his destiny, he commenced his training in a vocation from which every
+feeling in his nature, and every dictate of his understanding, recoiled
+with abhorrence.
+
+It was no sacrifice, to one of his timid and fastidious habits, to
+abandon a world in which he had ever found himself an alien, and which
+he now thought confederated to persecute and destroy him. He submitted
+in uncomplaining resignation to his fate, and ere long found relief in
+the growing attachment of the headsman and his daughter. His pure and
+affectionate heart, and the undeviating rectitude of his principles
+and conduct, soon won the entire esteem of the old man, whose better
+feelings had not been blunted by his official duties; while the
+light-hearted and bewitching Madelon, who now loved almost to idolatry a
+man so incomparably superior to any she had hitherto known, delighted to
+cheer his hours of sadness, and watched his every wish with intense and
+unwearied solicitude. Meanwhile, the old man had quietly made every
+requisite preparation, and a month after the assent of Florian to his
+proposal, the lovers were united. The official appointment of Florian,
+as adopted successor to the headsman, took place some days before the
+marriage, and it was stipulated by the town authorities that, on the
+next ensuing condemnation of a criminal to death, he should prove on the
+scaffold his competency to succeed the executioner.
+
+For many months after this appointment, every arrival of a criminal in
+the town prison struck terror into the heart of Florian. Happily,
+however, the assertion of the headsman that it was a growing practice
+of the judicial authorities to substitute the galleys for decapitation,
+was verified by the fact, and Florian enjoyed several years of domestic
+happiness, disturbed only by apprehensions which he could never subdue,
+that sooner or later the evil he so much dreaded would certainly befall
+him. Meanwhile his beloved Madelon had made him the happy father
+of three promising boys, and he began to experience a degree of
+tranquillity to which he had long been a stranger; when, at a period in
+which the town-prison was untenanted, the long-dreaded calamity burst
+upon his devoted head like a bolt of lightning from a cloudless sky.
+
+His father-in-law received one morning at breakfast an order from the
+town authorities to repair early on the following day to a city at ten
+leagues distance, and there to behead a criminal whose execution had
+been delayed by the illness and death of the resident headsman. At this
+unexpected intelligence, the features of Florian were blanched with
+horror, but the iron visage of the old executioner betrayed not the
+slightest emotion. Regardless of his son-in-law's terrors, he viewed
+this unexpected summons as a fortunate incident, and maintained that any
+unskilfulness in decapitation would be of less importance at a distance
+than in his native town. He regarded also this brief summons as much
+more favourable to Florian's success than a longer foreknowledge, and
+urged in strong and decisive terms the necessity of submission to
+the call of duty. The blood of Florian froze as he listened, but he
+acquiesced, as usual, in timid silence. In the afternoon he yielded to
+the old man's wish, that he should give what the headsman termed a
+master-proof of his skill in the science of decapitation, and with cold
+sweat on his brow severed a number of cabbage-heads to the satisfaction
+of his teacher. Meanwhile the sympathising but energetic Madelon
+prepared a palatable meal, and endeavoured, more successfully than her
+uncompromising parent, to sustain and cheer the drooping spirits of the
+husband she so entirely loved. She could not, however, always suppress
+her starting tears; and as the night approached, even the firm nature of
+the old headsman betrayed symptoms of growing anxiety, notwithstanding
+his endeavours to exhilarate himself by deep potations of his favourite
+wine.
+
+After a night of wearying vigilance and internal conflict, the miserable
+Florian entered at daybreak the vehicle which awaited him and his
+father-in-law under the arched gateway. With a view to prevent his
+trembling substitute from witnessing all the preparations for the
+approaching catastrophe, the old man so measured his progress as to
+enter the city a few minutes before the appointed hour, and drove
+immediately to the scene of action, without pausing at the church,
+to attend, as customary, the mass then performing in presence of
+the criminal. Soon after their arrival, the melancholy procession
+approached, and Florian, unable to face the criminal, turned hastily
+away, ascended the ladder with unsteady steps, and concealed himself
+behind the massive person of the old headsman, as the victim of offended
+justice, with a firm and measured step, mounted the scaffold. The old
+man felt for his shrinking son-in-law, but kept a stern eye upon him,
+in hopes to counteract the disabling effects of his rising agony.
+When, however, the decisive moment approached, he whispered to him
+encouragingly--"Be a man, Florian! Beware of looking at the criminal
+before you strike; but when his head is lifted, look him boldly in the
+face, or the people will doubt your courage."
+
+Florian fixed on him a vacant stare, but these kindly-meant instructions
+reached not his inward ear. The remembrance of the execution he had
+witnessed with his friend Bartholdy had flashed upon him, and he
+recollected the taunting prediction--that he might himself be condemned
+to the scaffold. His agony rose almost to suffocation; he compared his
+own destiny with that of the being whom he was about to deprive of life,
+and he felt that he could not unwillingly have taken his place. At this
+moment his attention was caught by the admiring comments of the crowd
+upon the courageous bearing and firm unflinching features of the
+criminal. Roused by these exclamations to a stinging consciousness of
+his own unmanly timidity, he made a powerful effort, and rallied his
+expiring energies into temporary life and action. The headsman now
+approached him with the broad axe, and whispered, "Courage, my son!
+'tis nothing but a cabbage-head."
+
+With a desperate effort, Florian seized the weapon, fixed his dim gaze
+upon the white neck of the criminal, and, guided more by long practice
+than by any estimate of place and distance, he struck the death-stroke.
+The head fell upon the hollow flooring of the scaffold with an appalling
+bounce, which petrified the unfortunate executioner. The consciousness
+that he had deprived a fellow-creature of life now smote him with a
+withering power, which for some moments deprived him of all volition,
+and he stood in passive stupor, gazing wildly upon the blood which
+streamed in torrents from the headless trunk. Immediately, however, his
+father-in-law again approached him, with a whisper. "Admirably done, my
+son! I give you joy! But recollect my warning, and look boldly at your
+work, or the mob will hoot you as a craven headsman from the scaffold."
+
+The old man was obliged to repeat his admonition before it reached
+the senses of his unconscious son-in-law. Long accustomed to yield
+unresisting obedience, Florian slowly raised his eyes, at the moment
+when the executioner's assistant, after showing the criminal's head to
+the multitude, turned round and held out to him the bleeding and ghastly
+object.--Gracious Heaven! what were his feelings when he encountered a
+well-known face--when he saw the yellow pock-marked visage of Bartholdy,
+whose widely-opened milk-blue eyes were fixed upon him in the glassy,
+dim, and vacant stare of death!
+
+Paralysed with sudden and overwhelming horror, he fell senseless into
+the arms of the headsman, who had watched this critical moment, and,
+with ready self-possession, loudly attributed to recent illness an
+incident so puzzling to the spectators. He succeeded ere long in rousing
+Florian to an imperfect sense of his critical situation, and, supporting
+his tottering frame, led him to the house of the deceased executioner.
+For an hour after their arrival, the unhappy youth sat mute and
+motionless--the living image of despair. Agony in him had passed
+its wildest paroxysm, and settled down into a blind and mechanical
+unconsciousness. The old man, who began to suspect some extraordinary
+reason for emotion so excessive, compelled him to swallow several
+glasses of wine, and anxiously besought him to explain the cause of his
+impassioned deportment. It was long, however, before the disconsolate
+Florian regained the power of utterance. At length a burst of tears
+relieved him. "I knew him!" he began, in a voice broken by convulsive
+sobs. "He was once my friend. Oh, my father! there is no hope for me! I
+am a doomed man--a murderer! He stands before me ever, and demands my
+blood in atonement for his destruction. How can I justify such guilt? I
+never knew his crime--I cannot even fancy him a criminal--but I well
+remember that he loved and cherished me. Away, my father, if you love
+me, to the judges! I _must_ know his crime, or the pangs I feel will
+never depart from me."
+
+The executioner, in whose stern and inflexible nature feelings of pity,
+and even of repentance, were now at work, hastened to obtain some
+information, and returned in half an hour, with indications of anxiety
+and doubt too obvious to escape the unhappy Florian, who, with folded
+hands, exclaimed, "For God-sake, father, tell me all--I must know it,
+sooner or later. Your anxiety prepares me for the worst. If you, a man
+of iron, are thus shaken"----
+
+"I? Nonsense!" retorted the old man, somewhat disconcerted. "The fellow
+was a notorious villain, and was executed for two murders."
+
+Florian, relieved by this intelligence, began to breathe more freely,
+and gazed upon the headsman with looks which sought farther explanation,
+"Florian," continued the old man, fixing upon him his stern and
+searching look, "when you told me the tale of your calamities at D.,
+did you tell me _all_? Had you _no_ reservations?"
+
+"None, father, by all I hold most sacred!" replied Florian, with
+emphatic earnestness.
+
+"One of Bartholdy's crimes," resumed the headsman, "was connected with
+your story. He is said to have slain the officer in whose murder you
+thought yourself implicated by suspicious appearances."
+
+"_He_?" exclaimed Florian, gasping with horror. "No! by the Almighty
+God, he did _not_ slay him! I have beheaded an innocent man, and the
+remembrance will cleave to me like a curse!"
+
+"Can you _prove_ that he had no share in that murder?" now sternly
+demanded the headsman, whose suspicions had been roused by Florian's
+acknowledgment of former intimacy with Bartholdy.
+
+"I can swear to his innocence of _that_ murder," vehemently replied
+Florian, whose energies rose with his excitement. "And the other crime?"
+he eagerly continued. "In mercy, father, tell me whom else he is said to
+have murdered?"
+
+"_Yourself!_" said the old man, turning pale as he anticipated the
+effect of this communication,--"if the name inserted in the judicial
+summons from D. was really yours."
+
+For some moments Florian gazed upon him in speechless despair--his eyes
+became fixed and glassy--his jaw dropped--and he would have fallen from
+his chair, had not the old man supported him. The headsman looked with
+anxious and growing perplexity upon his unfortunate victim. "After
+all," he muttered, "he is my daughter's husband, and a good husband. I
+forced him to the task, and must, if possible, save him from the
+consequences."
+
+By an abundant application of cold water to the face of Florian, he
+succeeded at length in restoring him to consciousness. The miserable
+youth opened his eyes, and, leaning on the old man's shoulders, burst
+into a passion of tears. When in some measure tranquillised, the
+headsman asked him soothingly if he was sufficiently collected to listen
+to him.
+
+"Yes, father, I am," he replied, with an effort.
+
+"Recollect, then, my son," continued the old man, "that you are under
+the assured protection of the sword, and that you may open your heart to
+me without fear of consequences. Say, then, in the first place, who are
+you?"
+
+"I am no other, father," answered Florian, with returning energy, "than
+I have already acknowledged to you; and I was the early friend and
+schoolfellow of the man whose blood I have shed upon the scaffold. But I
+must and will have clear proof of _every_ crime imputed to Bartholdy,"
+he exclaimed in wild emotion. "Again I see his large dim eyes fixed on
+me in reproach; and if you cannot give me evidence that he deserved his
+fate, my remorse will goad me on to suicide or madness."
+
+It was now evident to the old man that the suspicions he had founded
+on Florian's acknowledged intimacy with Bartholdy were groundless.
+Recollecting, too, the undeviating truth and honesty of Florian's
+character, he felt all the injustice of his suspicions; and his
+compassion for the tortured feelings of his son-in-law became actively
+excited. He clearly saw that nothing but the truth, and the whole truth,
+would satisfy him; he determined, therefore, to call upon the criminal's
+confessor; and, after prevailing upon the exhausted Florian to go to
+bed, he watched by him until he saw his wearied senses sealed up in
+sleep, and then departed in quest of farther intelligence.
+
+After three hours of undisturbed repose, which restored, in some
+measure, the exhausted strength of Florian, he awoke, and saw his
+father-in-law sitting by his bed, with a confident and cheerful
+composure of look, which spoke comfort to his wounded spirit.
+
+"Florian," he began, "I have cheering news for you. I have seen the
+confessor of Bartholdy, a good old man, who feels for, and wishes to
+console you. He has long known the habits and character of the criminal.
+More he would not say, but he will receive you this evening at his
+convent, and will not only impart to you the consolations of religion,
+but reveal as much of the criminal's previous life as the sacred
+obligations of a confessor will permit. Meanwhile, my son, you must
+rouse yourself from this stupor, and accompany me in a walk round the
+city ramparts."
+
+After a restorative excursion, they repaired, at the appointed hour, to
+the Jesuit convent, and were immediately conducted to the cell of the
+confessor, an aged and venerable priest, who gazed for some seconds in
+silent wonder on the dejected Florian, and then, laying a hand upon his
+shoulder, exclaimed, "Gracious Heaven! Florian, is it possible that I
+see you alive?"
+
+The startled youth raised his downcast eyes at this exclamation, and
+recognised in the Jesuit before him the worthy superior of the school at
+which he had been educated, and the same who had congratulated him on
+the disappearance of Bartholdy. This discovery imparted instant and
+unspeakable relief to the harassed feelings of Florian. The years he had
+passed under the paternal care of this benevolent old man arose with
+healing influence in his memory, and losing, in the sudden glow of
+filial regard and entire confidence, all his wonted timidity, he poured
+his tale of misery and remorse into the sympathising ear of the good
+father, with the artless and irresistible eloquence of a mind pure from
+all offence. The confessor, who listened with warm interest to his
+recital, forbore to interrupt its progress by questions. "I rejoice to
+learn," he afterwards replied, "that Bartholdy, although deeply stained
+with crime, quitted this life with less of guilt than he was charged
+with on his conscience. The details of his confession I cannot reveal,
+without a breach of the sacred trust reposed in me. It is enough to
+state, that he was deeply criminal. Without reference, however, to his
+more recent transgressions, I can impart to you some particulars of his
+earlier life, and of his implication in the murder you have detailed,
+which will be sufficient to relieve your conscience, and reconcile you
+to the will of Him who, for wise purposes, made you the blind instrument
+of well-merited punishment. Know then, my son, that when Bartholdy was
+supposed by yourself and others to have absconded from the seminary, he
+was a prisoner within its walls. Certain evidence had reached the
+presiding fathers, that this reckless youth was connected with a band
+of plundering incendiaries, who had for some months infested the
+neighbouring districts. Odious alike to his teachers and schoolfellows,
+repulsed by every one but you, and almost daily subjected to punishment
+or remonstrance, he sought and found more congenial associates beyond
+our walls; and, with a view to raise money for the gratification of his
+vicious propensities, he contrived to scale our gates at night, and took
+an active part in the plunder of several unprotected dwellings. At the
+same time, we received a friendly intimation from the police, that he
+was implicated in a projected scheme to fire and plunder a neighbouring
+chateau, and that the ensuing night was fixed upon for the perpetration
+of this atrocity. Upon inquiry it was discovered that Bartholdy had been
+out all night, and it was now feared that he had finally absconded.
+Happily, however, for the good name of the seminary, he returned soon
+after the arrival of this intelligence, and, as I now conjecture, with a
+view to repossess himself of the knife he had left in your custody. He
+was immediately secured and committed to close confinement, in the hope
+that his solitary reflections, aided by our admonitions, would have
+gradually wrought a salutary change in his character. This confinement,
+which was sanctioned by his relations, was prolonged three years without
+any beneficial result; and at length, after many fruitless attempts, he
+succeeded in making his escape. Joining the scattered remnant of the
+band of villains dispersed by the police, he soon became their leader in
+the contrivance and execution of atrocities which I must not reveal, but
+which I cannot recollect without a shudder. In consequence of high winds
+and clouds of dust, the public walk and grove beyond the gate of D. had
+been some days deserted by the inhabitants, and the body of the murdered
+officer was not discovered until the fourth morning after your departure
+from the university. A catastrophe so dreadful had not for many years
+occurred in that peaceful district: a proportionate degree of abhorrence
+was roused in the public mind, and the excited people rushed in crowds
+to view the corpse, in which, by order of the police, the fatal knife
+was left as when first discovered; while secret agents mingled with the
+crowd, to watch the various emotions of the spectators. Guided by a
+retributive providence, Bartholdy, who had that morning arrived in D.,
+approached the body, and gazed upon it with callous indifference, until
+the remarkable handle of his long-lost knife caught his eye. Starting at
+the well-remembered object, a deep flush darkened his yellow visage, and
+immediately the police-officers darted forward and seized him. At first
+he denied all knowledge of the knife, and, when again brought close to
+the body, he gazed upon it with all his wonted hardihood; but when told
+to take the bloody weapon from the wound, he grasped the handle with a
+shudder, drew it forth with sudden effort, and, as he gazed on the
+discoloured blade, his joints shook with terror, and the knife fell from
+his trembling hand. Superstition was ever largely blended with the
+settled ferocity of Bartholdy's character, and I now attribute this
+emotion to a fear that his destiny was in some way connected with this
+fatal weapon, which had already caused his long imprisonment, and would
+now too probably endanger his life. This ungovernable agitation
+confirmed the general suspicion excited by his forbidding and savage
+exterior. He was immediately conveyed to the hotel of the police, and
+the knife was placed before him; but when again interrogated, he long
+persisted in denying all knowledge of it. When questioned, however, as
+to his name and occupation, and his object in the city of D., his
+embarrassment increased, his replies involved him in contradictions, and
+at length he admitted that he _had_ seen the knife before, and in _your_
+possession. This attempt to criminate you by implication, failed,
+however, to point any suspicion against one whose unblemished life and
+character were so well known in the university. Your gentle and retiring
+habits, your shrinking aversion from scenes of strife and bloodshed,
+were recollected by many present: their indignation was loudly uttered,
+and a friend of yours expressed his belief that you had quitted the city
+some days before the murder was committed. In short, this base and
+groundless insinuation of Bartholdy created an impression highly
+disadvantageous to him. A few hours later, intelligence arrived that the
+diligence in which you had left D. had been attacked by a band of
+robbers, while passing through a forest, the day after your departure.
+Several of the passengers had been wounded; some killed; others had
+saved themselves by flight; and, as you had disappeared, it was now
+conjectured that Bartholdy had murdered you, and taken from your person
+the knife with which he had afterwards stabbed the young man in the
+grove. This presumptive evidence against him was so much strengthened by
+his sudden emotion at the sight of the weapon, and by the apparent
+probability that the murder of the young officer had succeeded the
+robbery of the diligence, that the watch and money found upon the body
+failed to create any impression in his favour, as it was conjectured, by
+the strongly excited people, that he had been alarmed by passing
+footsteps before he had succeeded in rifling his victim. He was put into
+close confinement until farther evidence could be obtained; and, ere
+long, a letter arrived to your address from Normandy, stating the
+arrival of your trunk by the carrier, and expressing surprise at your
+non-appearance. A judicial summons, detailing your name and person, and
+citing you to appear and give evidence against the supposed murderer,
+led to no discovery of your retreat, and the evidence of your wounded
+fellow-travellers was obscure and contradictory. Meanwhile, however,
+several of the robbers who had attacked the diligence were captured by
+the _gens-d'armes_. When confronted with Bartholdy, their intelligence
+was sufficiently obvious, and he at length confessed his co-operation in
+the murderous assault upon the travellers; but stoutly denied that he
+had either injured or even seen you amongst the passengers, and as
+tenaciously maintained his innocence of the murder committed in the
+grove. Your entire disappearance however, his emotion on beholding the
+knife, and his admission that he knew it, still operated so strongly
+against him that he was tried and pronounced guilty of three crimes,
+each of which was punishable with death. During the week succeeding his
+trial, he was supplied by a confederate with tools, which enabled him to
+escape and resume his predatory habits; nor was he retaken until a month
+before his execution, while engaged in a robbery of singular boldness
+and atrocity. He was recognised as the hardened criminal who had escaped
+from confinement at D.; and as the authorities were apprehensive that no
+prison would long hold so expert and desperate a villain, an order was
+obtained from Paris for the immediate execution of the sentence already
+passed upon him at D. Thus, although guilty of one only of the three
+crimes for which he suffered, the forfeiture of ten lives would not have
+atoned for his multiplied transgressions. From boyhood even he had
+preyed upon society with the insatiable ferocity of a tiger; and you, my
+son, ought not to murmur at the decree which made your early
+acquaintance with him the means of stopping his savage career, and your
+hand the instrument of retribution."
+
+The concluding words of the venerable priest fell like healing balm upon
+the wounded spirit of Florian, who returned home an altered and a
+saddened, but a sustained and a devout man: deeply conscious that the
+ways of Providence, however intricate, are just; and more resigned to a
+vocation, to which he now conceived that he had been for especial
+purposes appointed. He followed, too, the advice of the friendly priest,
+in leaving the public belief of his own death uncontradicted; and, as he
+had not actually witnessed the murder in the grove near D., he felt
+himself justified in withholding his evidence against an individual, of
+whose innocence there was a remote possibility.
+
+The mental agony of the unfortunate young headsman had been so acute,
+that a reaction upon his bodily health was inevitable. Symptoms of
+serious indisposition appeared the next day, and were followed by a long
+and critical malady, which, however, eventually increased his domestic
+happiness, by unfolding in his Madelon nobler and higher attributes than
+he had yet discovered in her character. No longer the giddy and
+laughter-loving Frenchwoman, she had, for some years, become a devoted
+wife and mother; but it was not until she saw her husband's gentle
+spirit for ever blighted, and his life endangered for some weeks by a
+wasting fever, that she felt all his claims upon her, and bitterly
+reproached herself as the sole cause of his heaviest calamities. During
+this long period of sickness, when all worldly objects were waning
+around this man of sorrows, she watched, and wept, and prayed over him
+with an untiring assiduity and self-oblivion, which developed to the
+grateful Florian all the unfathomable depths of woman's love, and proved
+her consummate skill and patience in all the tender offices and trying
+duties of a sick-chamber. Her health was undermined, and her fine eyes
+were dimmed for ever by long-continued vigilance; but her assiduities
+were at length rewarded by a favourable crisis; and when the patient
+sufferer was sufficiently restored to bear the disclosure, she kneeled
+to him in deep humility, and acknowledged, what the reader has doubtless
+long conjectured, that _she_ had, from an upper window, caused that
+ominous jarring of the sword and axe which induced her father to suspect
+and follow him, and which eventually led to their marriage.
+
+Florian started in sudden indignation; but his gentle nature, and the
+hallowed influences of recent sickness and calamity, soon prevailed over
+his wrath. What _could_ he say? How could he chide the lovely and
+devoted woman, whose fraud had grown out of her affection for him! In an
+instant he forgot his own sorrows; and, as he listened to the mournful
+and beseeching accents of her who was the mother of his children, and
+had been unto him, in sickness and in health, a ministering angel, his
+anger melted into love. He had no words; but, like the father of the
+humbled prodigal, he had compassion, and fell upon her neck and kissed
+her, and forgave her entirely, and for ever.
+
+The old headsman survived these events several years; and, while his
+strength continued equal to the effort, he spared his son-in-law from
+the trying duties of his office. After his death, however, his successor
+was compelled to encounter the dreadful task. For some time before and
+after each execution, sadness sat heavy on his soul, but yielded
+gradually to the sustaining influence of fervent prayer, and to the
+caresses of his wife and children. In the intervening periods he
+regained comparative tranquillity, and devoted himself unceasingly to
+the education of his boys, and to the labours of his field and vineyard.
+I have been told, however, that since the execution of Bartholdy he was
+never seen to smile; and that, when gazing on the joyous sports of his
+unconscious children, his eyes would often fill with tears of sorrowing
+anticipation. Thus many years elapsed: his boys have become men, and the
+recent training and nomination of one of them as his successor, have
+renewed in the heart of the fond father all those bitter pangs which the
+soothing agency of time and occupation had lulled to comparative repose.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Here the interesting narrator paused. Towards the conclusion of his
+recital his mournful voice had quivered with suppressed emotion; and, as
+he finished, his eyes were clouded with tears.
+
+His companions had listened to this affecting narrative with a sympathy
+which, for some moments, subdued all power of utterance, and the silence
+which ensued was interrupted only by involuntary and deep-drawn sighs.
+At length the Professor roused himself, and, prompted by a friendly wish
+to draw out a more explanatory conclusion, he put the leading question,
+"Had he, then, _no_ alternative?"
+
+"You forget, my dear sir," replied Julius, rallying with sudden effort,
+"that by the French laws the son of an executioner _must_ succeed his
+father, or see the family estate transferred to strangers. When the old
+headsman was near his end, his son-in-law pledged himself by oath to
+train a son as his own successor. His eldest boy, who blended with his
+father's gentle manners some portion of his mother's courage, evinced,
+from an early age, such determined antipathy to this vocation, that the
+appointment was transferred to the second son, who had inherited the
+masculine spirit and prompt decision of his mother. Unhappily, however,
+soon after his nomination, he died of a malignant fever. His sorrowing
+mother, who had for some time observed symptoms of declining health in
+her husband, and was indescribably solicitous to see him relieved from
+his official duties, prevailed upon her youngest son, in absence of her
+first-born, to accept the appointment. But this youth, not then
+nineteen, and in mind and person the counterpart of his timid father,
+was equally unsuited to this formidable calling. Well knowing, however,
+that his refusal would deprive his parents of the home and the support
+so essential to their growing infirmities, he strung his nerves to the
+appalling task, and, at the next execution, he mounted the scaffold as
+his father's substitute. But, alas! at the decisive moment his strength
+and resolution failed him. His sight grew dim with horror, and he
+performed his trying duty so unskilfully, that the people groaned with
+indignation at the protracted sufferings of the unfortunate criminal,
+and the town authorities pronounced him unqualified. The consequence of
+this disastrous failure was an immediate summons to the eldest son, who
+had for several years thought himself finally released from this
+terrible appointment. So unexpected a change in his destination fell
+upon him like a death-blow; and, as he read the fatal summons, he felt
+the sword and axe grating on his very soul."
+
+"And do you think it possible," exclaimed one of the students, "that
+after such long exemption he will submit to a life so horrible?"
+
+"Too probably," replied Julius, mournfully, "he _must_ submit to it.
+Indeed, I see no alternative. His refusal would not only deprive his
+drooping and unhappy parents of every means of support, but too probably
+expose their lives to the fury of a bigoted and ferocious populace. None
+but a childless headsman can hold his property during life without a
+qualified successor; and, when he dies, the magistrates appoint
+another."
+
+Here Julius paused again. He gazed for some moments in melancholy
+abstraction upon the dying embers in the stove--the tears again started
+to his eyes, and he rose abruptly to depart; nor could the joint efforts
+of the kind Professor, and the now warmly-interested students, prevail
+on him to stay out another bowl of punch.
+
+"To-morrow early," said he, in unsteady tones, to the Professor, "I will
+claim your promised introduction to the lieutenant. Till then,
+farewell!"
+
+"Promise me, then, my dear Julius," rejoined his host, "that you will
+give us your company to-morrow evening. After so trying a spectacle, a
+bowl of punch, and the society of four friends, will recruit and cheer
+you."
+
+The students successively grasped his hand, and cordially urged him to
+comply. Overcome by this unexpected sympathy, the agitated youth could
+not restrain his tears, and in a voice tremulous with emotion, he said,
+"I shall never forget your kindness, and, if I know my heart, I shall
+prove myself not unworthy of it. If in my power, I will join your
+friendly circle to-morrow night; but"--he hesitatingly added--"I have
+never yet faced an execution, and I know not how far such strong
+excitement may unfit me for society."
+
+The Professor and his friends accompanied him to the street, where they
+again shook hands and separated.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+On the following evening the three students were again assembled in the
+Professor's study, and the conversation turned more upon their new
+friend and his interesting narrative, than upon the tragedy of that
+morning. The Professor told them that Julius had called early, and been
+introduced by him to the lieutenant, since which he had not seen or
+heard of him. One of the students said, that his curiosity to observe
+the deportment of their mysterious friend had led him early to the
+ground, where he had seen Julius standing, with folded arms, and pale as
+death, within a few feet of the scaffold; but that, unable to subdue his
+own loathing of the approaching catastrophe, he had left the ground
+before the arrival of the criminal.
+
+An hour elapsed in momentary expectation of the young student's arrival,
+but he came not. The conversation gradually dropped into monosyllables,
+and the Professor could no longer disguise his anxiety, when a gentle
+tap was heard, like that of the preceding night, and without any
+previous sound of approaching footsteps. "Come in!" cheerfully shouted
+the relieved Professor, but the door was not unclosed. Again he called,
+but vainly as before. Then starting from his chair, he opened the door,
+but discovered no one. The students, who also fancied they had heard a
+gentle knock, looked at each other in silent amazement; and the
+warm-hearted Professor, unable to reason down his boding fears,
+determined to seek Julius at his lodgings, and requested one of the
+students to accompany him.
+
+He knew the street, but not the house, in which the young man resided;
+and as soon as they had entered the street, their attention was excited
+by a tumultuous assemblage of people at no great distance. Hastening to
+the spot, the Professor ascertained from a bystander that the crowd had
+been collected by the loud report of a gun or pistol in the apartments
+of a student. Struck with an appalling presentiment, the Professor and
+his companion forced a passage to the house-door, and were admitted by
+the landlord, to whom the former was well known. "Tell me!" exclaimed
+the Professor, gasping with terror and suspense--"Is it Julius
+Arenbourg?"
+
+"Alas! it is indeed," replied the other. "Follow me up-stairs, and you
+shall see him."
+
+They found the body of the ill-fated youth extended on the bed, and a
+pistol near him, the ball of which had gone through his heart. His fine
+features, although somewhat contracted by the peculiar action of a
+gunshot wound, still retained much of their bland and melancholy
+character. The landlord and his family wept as they related that
+Julius, who was their favourite lodger, had returned home after the
+execution with hurried steps, and a countenance of death-like paleness.
+Without speaking to the children, as was his wont, he had locked the
+door of his apartment, where he remained several hours, and then
+hastened with some letters to the post-office. In a few minutes after
+his return, the fatal shot summoned them to his room, where they found
+him dying and speechless. "But I had nearly forgotten," concluded the
+landlord, "that he left upon his table a letter addressed to Professor
+N."
+
+The worthy man opened the letter with a trembling hand, and, in a voice
+husky with emotion, read the contents to his companion.
+
+     "From you, my dear Professor, and from my younger friends,
+     although but friends of yesterday, I venture to solicit the
+     last kindness which human sympathy can offer. If, as I dare to
+     hope, I have some hold upon your good opinion, you will not
+     refuse to see my remains interred with as much decency as the
+     magistrates will permit. In my purse will be found enough to
+     meet the amount of this and every other claim upon me.
+
+     "I have yet another boon to ask, and one of vital moment to my
+     unhappy relatives. I have prepared them to expect intelligence
+     of my death by fever; and surely my request, that the subjoined
+     notice of my decease may be inserted in the papers of Metz and
+     Strasbourg, will not be disregarded by those whose kindness
+     taught me the value of existence when I had no alternative but
+     to resign it.
+
+     "That those earthly blessings, which were denied to me and
+     mine, may be abundantly vouchsafed to you, is the fervent
+     prayer of the unhappy
+
+                         "JULIUS.
+
+     "Died of fever, at ----, in Germany, Julius Florian Laroche, a
+     native of Champagne, aged 22."
+
+"Alas!" exclaimed the deeply affected Professor, "the mystery is solved,
+and my suspicions were too well founded. Sad indeed was thy destiny, my
+Julius, and sacred shall be thy last wishes."
+
+Kissing the cold brow of the deceased, he hung over his remains in
+silent sorrow, and breathed a fervent prayer for mercy to the suicide;
+then giving brief directions for the funeral, the Professor and his
+friend paced slowly homeward, in silence and in tears.
+
+
+
+
+THE WEARYFUL WOMAN.
+
+BY JOHN GALT.
+
+[_MAGA._ MAY 1821.]
+
+
+"It happened," said Mr M'Waft, "that there were in the smack
+many passengers, and among others a talkative gentlewoman of no
+great capacity, sadly troubled with a weakness of parts about her
+intellectuals. She was indeed a real weak woman; I think I never met
+with her like for weakness, just as weak as water. Oh but she was a weak
+creature as ever the hand of the Lord put the breath of life in, and
+from morning to night, even between the bockings of the sea-sickness,
+she was aye speaking; na, for that matter, it's a God's truth, that at
+the dead hour of midnight, when I happened to be wakened by a noise on
+the decks, I heard her speaking to herself for want of other companions;
+and yet for all that, she was vastly entertaining, and in her day had
+seen many a thing that was curious, so that it was no wonder she spoke
+a great deal, having seen so much; but she had no command of her
+judgment, so that her mind was always going round and round and
+pointing to nothing, like a weathercock in a squally day.
+
+"'Mrs M'Adam,' quoth I to her one day, 'I am greatly surprised at your
+ability in the way of speaking.' But I was well afflicted for the
+hypocritical compliment, for she then fastened upon me, and whether it
+was at meal-time or on the deck, she would come and sit beside me, and
+talk as if she was trying how many words her tongue could utter without
+a single grain of sense. I was for a time as civil to her as I could be,
+but the more civility I showed, the more she talked, and the weather
+being calm, the vessel made but little way. Such a prospect in a long
+voyage as I had before me!
+
+"Seeing that my civility had produced such a vexatious effect, I
+endeavoured to shun the woman, but she singled me out, and even when I
+pretended to be overwhelmed with the sickness, she would sit beside me,
+and never cease from talking. If I went below to my bed, she would come
+down and sit in the cabin, and tell a thousand stories about remedies
+for the sea-sickness, for her husband had been a doctor, and had a great
+reputation for skill. 'He was a worthy man,' quoth she, 'and had a world
+of practice, so that he was seldom at home, and I was obliged to sit by
+myself for hours in the day, without a living creature to speak to, and
+obliged to make the iron tongs my companions, by which silence and
+solitude I fell into low spirits; in the end, however, I broke out of
+them, and from that day to this, I have enjoyed what the doctor called a
+cheerful fecundity of words; but when he, in the winter following, was
+laid up with the gout, he fashed at my spirits, and worked himself into
+such a state of irritation against my endeavours to entertain him, that
+the gout took his head, and he went out of the world like a pluff of
+pouther, leaving me a very disconsolate widow; in which condition, it is
+not every woman who can demean herself with the discretion that I have
+done. Thanks be and praise, however, I have not been tempted beyond my
+strength; for when Mr Pawkie, the seceder minister, came shortly after
+the interment to catch me with the tear in my e'e, I saw through his
+exhortations, and I told him upon the spot that he might refrain, for
+it was my intent to spend the remainder of my days in sorrow and
+lamentation for my dear deceased husband. Don't you think, sir,
+it was a very proper rebuke to the first putting forth of his cloven
+foot? But I had soon occasion to fear that I might stand in need of a
+male protector; for what could I, a simple woman, do with the doctor's
+bottles and pots, pills and other doses, to say nothing of his brazen
+pestle and mortar, which of itself was a thing of value, and might be
+coined, as I was told, into a firlot of farthings; not however that
+farthings are now much in circulation, the pennies and new bawbees have
+quite supplanted them, greatly, as I think, to the advantage of the poor
+folk, who now get the one or the other, where, in former days, they
+would have been thankful for a farthing; and yet, for all that, there is
+a visible increase in the number of beggars, a thing which I cannot
+understand, and far less thankfulness on their part than of old, when
+alms were given with a scantier hand; but this, no doubt, comes of the
+spreading wickedness of the times. Don't you think so, sir? It's a
+mystery that I cannot fathom, for there was never a more evident passion
+for church-building than at present; but I doubt there is great truth in
+the old saying, "The nearer the kirk, the farther from grace," which was
+well exemplified in the case of Provost Pedigree of our town, a decent
+man in his externals, and he keepit a hardware shop; he was indeed a
+merchant of "a' things," from a needle and a thimble down to a rattle
+and a spade. Poor man! he ran at last a ram-race, and was taken before
+the session; but I had always a jealousy of him, for he used to say very
+comical things to me in the doctor's lifetime; not that I gave him any
+encouragement farther than in the way of an innocent joke, for he was a
+jocose and jocular man, but he never got the better of that exploit with
+the session, and dwining away, died the year following of a decay, a
+disease for which my dear deceased husband used to say no satisfactory
+remedy exists in nature, except gentle laxatives, before it has taken
+root: but although I have been the wife of a doctor, and spent the best
+part of my life in the smell of drugs, I cannot say that I approve of
+them, except in a case of necessity, where, to be sure, they must be
+taken, if we intend the doctor's skill to take effect upon us; but many
+a word me and my dear deceased husband had about my taking of his pills,
+after my long affliction with the hypochondriacal affection, for I could
+never swallow them, but always gave them a check between the teeth, and
+their taste was so odious that I could not help spitting them out. It is
+indeed a great pity, that the Faculty cannot make their nostrums more
+palatable, and I used to tell the doctor, when he was making up doses
+for his patients, that I wondered how he could expect sick folk, unable
+to swallow savoury food, would ever take his nauseous medicines, which
+he never could abide to hear, for he had great confidence in many of his
+prescriptions, especially a bolus of flour of brimstone and treacle for
+the cold, one of the few of his compounds I could ever take with any
+pleasure.'
+
+"In this way," said Mr M'Waft, "did that endless woman rain her words
+into my ear, till I began to fear that something like a gout would also
+take my head; at last I fell on a device, and, lying in bed, began to
+snore with great vehemence, as if I had been sound asleep, by which,
+for a time, I got rid of her; but being afraid to go on deck lest she
+should attack me again, I continued in bed, and soon after fell asleep
+in earnest. How long I had slept I know not, but when I awoke, there was
+she chattering to the steward, whom she instantly left the moment she
+saw my eye open, and was at me again. Never was there such a plague
+invented as that woman; she absolutely worked me into a state of
+despair, and I fled from her presence as from a serpent; but she would
+pursue me up and down, back and fore, till everybody aboard was like to
+die with laughing at us, and all the time she was as serious and polite
+as any gentlewoman could well be.
+
+"When we got to London, I was terrified she would fasten herself on
+me there, and therefore, the moment we reached the wharf, I leapt
+on shore, and ran as fast as I could for shelter to a public-house,
+till the steward had despatched her in a hackney. Then I breathed at
+liberty--never was I so sensible of the blessing before, and I made all
+my acquaintance laugh very heartily at the story; but my trouble was not
+ended. Two nights after, I went to see a tragedy, and was seated in an
+excellent place, when I heard her tongue going among a number of ladies
+and gentlemen that were coming in. I was seized with a horror, and would
+have fled, but a friend that was with me held me fast; in that same
+moment she recognised me, and before I could draw my breath, she was at
+my side, and her tongue rattling in my lug. This was more than I could
+withstand, so I got up and left the play-house. Shortly after, I was
+invited to dinner, and among other guests, in came that afflicting
+woman, for she was a friend of the family. Oh Lord! such an afternoon I
+suffered--but the worst was yet to happen.
+
+"I went to St James's to see the drawing-room on the birthday, and among
+the crowd I fell in with her again, when, to make the matter complete,
+I found she had been separated from her friends. I am sure they had
+left her to shift for herself; she took hold of my arm as an old
+acquaintance, and humanity would not allow me to cast her off; but
+although I staid till the end of the ceremonies, I saw nothing; I only
+heard the continual murmur of her words, like the sound of a running
+river.
+
+"When I got home to my lodging, I was just like a demented man; my head
+was bizzing like a bee-skep, and I could hear of nothing but the birr of
+that wearyful woman's tongue. It was terrible; and I took so ill that
+night, and felt such a loss of appetite and lack of spirit the next day,
+that I was advised by a friend to take advice; and accordingly, in the
+London fashion, I went to a doctor's door to do so, but just as I put
+up my hand to the knocker, there within was the wearyful woman in the
+passage, talking away to the servant-man. The moment I saw her I was
+seized with a terror, and ran off like one that has been bitten by a wud
+dog, at the sight and the sound of running water. It is indeed no to be
+described what I suffered from that woman; and I met her so often, that
+I began to think she had been ordained to torment me; and the dread of
+her in consequence so worked upon me, that I grew frightened to leave my
+lodgings, and I walked the streets only from necessity, and then I was
+as a man hunted by an evil spirit.
+
+"But the worst of all was to come. I went out to dine with a friend that
+lives at a town they call Richmond, some six or eight miles from London,
+and there being a pleasant company, and me no in any terror of the
+wearyful woman, I sat wi' them as easy as you please, till the
+stage-coach was ready to take me back to London. When the stage-coach
+came to the door, it was empty, and I got in; it was a wet night, and
+the wind blew strong, but, tozy wi' what I had gotten, I laid mysel up
+in a corner, and soon fell fast asleep. I know not how long I had
+slumbered, but I was awakened by the coach stopping, and presently I
+heard the din of a tongue coming towards the coach. It was the wearyful
+woman; and before I had time to come to mysel, the door was opened, and
+she was in, chatting away at my side, the coach driving off.
+
+"As it was dark, I resolved to say nothing, but to sleep on, and never
+heed her. But we hadna travelled half a mile, when a gentleman's
+carriage going by with lamps, one of them gleamed on my face, and the
+wearyful woman, with a great shout of gladness, discovered her victim.
+
+"For a time, I verily thought that my soul would have leapt out at the
+croun of my head like a vapour; and when we got to a turn of the road,
+where was a public-house, I cried to the coachman for Heaven's sake to
+let me out, and out I jumped. But O waes me! that deevil thought I was
+taken ill, and as I was a stranger, the moment I was out and in the
+house, out came she likewise, and came talking into the kitchen, into
+which I had ran, perspiring with vexation.
+
+"At the sight, I ran back to the door, determined to prefer the wet and
+wind on the outside of the coach to the clatter within. But the coach
+was off, and far beyond call. I could have had the heart, I verily
+believe, to have quenched the breath of life in that wearyful woman; for
+when she found the coach was off without us, her alarm was a perfect
+frenzy, and she fastened on me worse than ever--I thought my heart would
+have broken.
+
+"By-and-by came another coach, and we got into it. Fortunately twa young
+London lads, clerks or siclike, were within. They endured her tongue for
+a time, but at last they whispered each other, and one of them giving me
+a nodge or sign, taught me to expect they would try to silence her.
+Accordingly the other broke suddenly out into an immoderate doff-like
+laugh that was really awful. The mistress paused for a minute, wondering
+what it could be at; anon, however, her tongue got under way, and off
+she went; presently again the younker gave another gaffaw, still more
+dreadful than the first. His companion, seeing the effect it produced on
+Madam, said, 'Don't be apprehensive; he has only been for some time in a
+sort of deranged state; he is quite harmless, I can assure you.' This
+had the desired effect, and from that moment till I got her safe off
+in a hackney-coach from where the stage stoppit, there was nae word
+out of her head; she was as quiet as pussy, and cowered in to me in
+terrification o' the madman breaking out. I thought it a souple trick o'
+the Londoners. In short," said Mr M'Waft, "though my adventures with the
+wearyful woman is a story now to laugh at, it was in its time nothing
+short of a calamity."
+
+
+PRINTED BY WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS, EDINBURGH.
+
+
+
+
+TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE:
+
+Minor changes have been made to correct typesetters' errors; otherwise,
+every effort has been made to remain true to the authors' words and
+intent.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Tales from "Blackwood," Volume 3, by Various
+
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+      The Project Gutenberg eBook of Tales from &#8220;Blackwood&#8221;, Volume 3, by Various.
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+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Tales from "Blackwood," Volume 3, by Various
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Tales from "Blackwood," Volume 3
+
+Author: Various
+
+Release Date: September 10, 2010 [EBook #33694]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TALES FROM "BLACKWOOD," VOLUME 3 ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by D Alexander, Juliet Sutherland and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+<h1>TALES</h1>
+<h3>FROM</h3>
+<h1>&#8220;BLACKWOOD&#8221;</h1>
+
+<div class="centerbox bbox"><h3>Contents of this Volume</h3>
+
+<p><a href="#TALES_FROM_BLACKWOOD"><i>A Reading Party in the Long Vacation</i></a></p>
+
+<p><a href="#FATHER_TOM_AND_THE_POPE"><i>Father Tom and the Pope</i></a></p>
+
+<p><a href="#LA_PETITE_MADELAINE"><i>La Petite Madelaine.</i></a> <i>By Mrs Southey</i></p>
+
+<p><a href="#BOB_BURKES_DUEL_WITH_ENSIGN_BRADY"><i>Bob Burke&#8217;s Duel with Ensign Brady.</i></a> <i>By the late</i><br />
+<span style="margin-right: 1.5em;"><i>William Maginn, LL.D.</i></span></p>
+
+<p><a href="#THE_HEADSMAN"><i>The Headsman: A Tale of Doom</i></a></p>
+
+<p><a href="#THE_WEARYFUL_WOMAN"><i>The Wearyful Woman.</i></a> <i>By John Galt</i></p>
+
+<h3>WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS</h3>
+
+<h4>EDINBURGH AND LONDON</h4></div>
+
+<hr class="large" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="TALES_FROM_BLACKWOOD" id="TALES_FROM_BLACKWOOD"></a>TALES FROM &#8220;BLACKWOOD.&#8221;</h2>
+
+<p class="center">&mdash;&mdash;&#9670;&mdash;&mdash;</p>
+
+<h2>A READING PARTY IN THE LONG VACATION.</h2>
+
+<h4>[<i>MAGA.</i> <span class="smcap">August 1843.</span>]</h4>
+
+<hr class="tiny" />
+
+<h3>CHAPTER I.</h3>
+
+<p class="n"><span style="float:left;font-size:40px;line-height:25px;padding-top:2px;padding-bottom:1px;">E</span>very one who knows Oxford, and a good many besides, must have heard of
+certain periodical migrations of the younger members of that learned
+university into distant and retired parts of her Majesty&#8217;s dominions,
+which (on the &#8220;<i>lucus a non lucendo</i>&#8221; principle) are called and known by
+the name of Reading Parties. Some half-dozen undergraduates, in peril of
+the coming examination, form themselves into a joint-stock cramming
+company; take &pound;30 or &pound;40 shares in a private tutor; pitch their camp in
+some Dan or Beersheba which has a reputation for dulness; and, like
+other joint-stock companies, humbug the public, and sometimes
+themselves, into the belief that they are &#8220;doing business.&#8221; For these
+classical bubbles, the long vacation is the usual season, and Wales one
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a></span>of the favourite localities; and certainly, putting &#8220;Reading&#8221; out of
+the question, three fine summer months might be worse spent, than in
+climbing the mountains, and whipping the trout-streams, of that romantic
+land. Many a quiet sea-side town, or picturesque fishing-village, might
+be mentioned, which owes no little of its summer gaiety, and perhaps
+something of its prosperity, to the annual visit of &#8220;the Oxonians:&#8221; many
+a fair girl has been indebted for the most piquant flirtation of the
+season to the &#8220;gens togata,&#8221; who were reading at the little
+watering-place to which fate and papa had carried her for the race-week
+or the hunt-ball: and whatever the effect of these voluntary
+rustications upon the class lists in Oxford, they certainly have
+procured for the parties occasionally a very high &#8220;provincial
+celebrity.&#8221; I know that when we beat our retreat from summer quarters at
+Glyndewi in 18&mdash;, the sighs of our late partners were positively
+heart-rending, and the blank faces of the deserted billiard-marker and
+solitary livery-stable groom haunt me to this day.</p>
+
+<p>I had been endeavouring, by hard reading for the last three months, to
+work up the arrears of three years of college idleness, when my evil
+genius himself, in the likeness of George Gordon of Trinity, persuaded
+me to put the finishing-touch to my education, by joining a party who
+were going down to Glyndewi, in &mdash;&mdash;shire, &#8220;really to read.&#8221; In an
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span>unguarded moment I consented; packed up books enough to last me for
+five years, reading at the rate of twenty-four hours per day, wrote to
+the governor announcing my virtuous intention, and was formally
+introduced to the Rev. Mr Hanmer, Gordon&#8217;s tutor, as one of his &#8220;cubs&#8221;
+for the long vacation.</p>
+
+<p>Six of us there were to be; a very mixed party, and not well mixed&mdash;a
+social chaos. We had an exquisite from St Mary Hall, a pea-coated
+Brazen-nose boatman, a philosophical water-drinker and union-debater
+from Baliol, and a two-bottle man from Christ Church. When we first met,
+it was like oil and water; it seemed as if we might be churned together
+for a century, and never coalesce: but in time, like punch-making, it
+turned out that the very heterogeneousness of the ingredients was the
+zest of the compound.</p>
+
+<p>I had never heard of such a place as Glyndewi, nor had I an idea how to
+get there. Gordon and Hanmer were gone already; so I packed myself on
+the top of the Shrewsbury mail, as the direct communication between
+Oxford and North Wales, and there became acquainted with No. 2 of my
+fellows in transportation (for, except Gordon and myself, we were all
+utter strangers to each other). &#8220;I say, Hawkins, let&#8217;s feel those
+ribbons a bit, will you?&#8221; quoth the occupant of the box-seat to our
+respectable Jehu. &#8220;Can&#8217;t indeed, sir, with these hosses: it&#8217;s as much as
+ever I can do to hold this <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span>here near leader.&#8221; This was satisfactory.
+Risking one&#8217;s neck in a tandem was all very well&mdash;a part of the regular
+course of an Oxford education; but amateur drivers of stage coaches I
+had always a prejudice against: let gentlemen keep their own
+four-in-hands, and upset themselves and families, as they have an
+undeniable right to do&mdash;but not the public. I looked at the first
+speaker; at his pea-jacket, that is, which was all I could see of him:
+Oxford decidedly. His cigar was Oxford too, by the villanous smell of
+it. He took the coachman&#8217;s implied distrust of his professional
+experience good-humouredly enough, proffered him his cigar-case, and
+entered into a discussion on the near leader&#8217;s moral and physical
+qualities. &#8220;I&#8217;ll trouble you for a light, if you please,&#8221; said I. He
+turned round, we stuck the ends of our cigars together, and puffed into
+each other&#8217;s faces for about a minute (my cigars were dampish), as grave
+as North American Indians. &#8220;Thank you,&#8221; said I, as the interesting
+ceremony was concluded, and our acquaintance begun. We got into
+conversation, when it appeared that he too was bound for the
+undiscovered shores of Glyndewi, and that we were therefore likely to be
+companions for the next three months. He was an off-hand, good-humoured
+fellow; drank brandy-and-water, treated the coachman, and professed an
+acquaintance with bar-maids in general, and pretty ones in particular,
+on our line of road. He was <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span>going up for a class, he supposed, he said;
+the governor had taken a &#8220;second below the line&#8221; himself, and insisted
+upon his emulating the paternal distinction; d&mdash;&mdash;d nonsense, he said,
+in his opinion: except that the governor had a couple of harriers with
+Greek names, he did not see that his classics were of any use to him;
+and no doubt but that Hylax and Phryne would run just as well if they
+had been called Stormer and Merry Lass. However, he must rub up all his
+old Eton books this &#8220;long,&#8221; and get old Hanmer to lay it on thick. Such
+was Mr Branling of Brazen-nose.</p>
+
+<p>At Shrewsbury, we were saluted with the intelligence, &#8220;Coach dines here,
+gentlemen.&#8221; We found a couple of fowls that the coach might probably
+have dined upon, and digested with other articles&mdash;in the hind boot; to
+human stomachs they seemed impracticable. We employed the allotted ten
+minutes upon a leg of mutton, and ascended again to our stations on the
+roof; and here was an addition to our party. Externally, it consisted of
+a mackintosh and a fur cap: in the very short interval between the
+turned-down flap of the one and the turned-up collar of the other, were
+a pair of grey glass spectacles, and part of a nose. So far we had no
+very sufficient premises from which to draw conclusions, whether or not
+he were &#8220;one of us.&#8221; But there were internal evidences; an odour of
+Bouquet de Roi, or some such villanous compound, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span>nearly overpowering
+the fragrance of some genuine weed which I had supplied my pea-coated
+friend with in the place of his Oxford &#8220;Havannahs;&#8221; a short cough
+occasionally, as though the smoke of the said weed were not altogether
+&#8220;the perfume of the lips he loved;&#8221; and a resolute taciturnity. What was
+he? It is a lamentable fact, that an Oxford undergraduate does not
+invariably look the gentleman. He vibrates between the fashionable
+assurance of a London swindler and the modest diffidence of an overgrown
+schoolboy. There is usually a degree of unfinishedness about him. He
+seems to be assuming a character: unlike the glorious Burschenschaft of
+Germany, he has no character of his own. However, for want of more
+profitable occupation, we set to work in earnest to discover who our
+fellow-traveller really was; and by a series of somewhat American
+conversational inquiries, we at last fished out that he was going into
+&mdash;&mdash;shire, like ourselves&mdash;nay, in answer to a direct question on the
+subject, that he hoped to meet Hanmer of Trinity at Glyndewi. But no
+further information could we get: our new friend was reserved. Mr
+Branling and I had commenced intimacy already. &#8220;My name is Branling of
+Brazen-nose;&#8221; &#8220;and mine Hawthorne of &mdash;&mdash;;&#8221; was our concise
+introduction. But our companion was the pink of Oxford correctness on
+this point. He thanked the porter for putting his luggage up; called me
+&#8220;Sir,&#8221; till he found I <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span>was an Oxford man; and had we travelled for a
+month together, would rather have requested the coachman to introduce
+us, than be guilty of any such barbarism as to introduce himself. So by
+degrees our intimacy, instead of warming, waxed cold. As night drew on,
+and the fire of cigars from Branling, self, and coachman became more
+deadly, the fur cap was drawn still closer over the ears, the mackintosh
+crept up higher, and we lost sight of all but the outline of the
+spectacles.</p>
+
+<p>The abominable twitter of the sparrows in the hedgerows gave notice of
+the break of day&mdash;to travellers the most dismal of all hours, in my
+opinion&mdash;when I awoke from the comfortable nap into which I had fallen
+since the last change of horses. For some time we alternately dozed,
+tumbled against each other, begged pardon, and awoke; till at last the
+sun broke out gloriously as we drove into the cheerful little town of
+<span style="white-space: nowrap;">B&mdash;&mdash;.</span></p>
+
+<p>A good breakfast set us all to rights, and made even our friend in the
+mackintosh talkative. He came out most in the character of tea-maker (an
+office, by the way, which he filled to the general satisfaction of his
+constituents during our stay in North Wales). We found out that he was a
+St Mary Hall man, with a duplicate name: Mr Sydney Dawson, as the cards
+on his multifarious luggage set forth: that he was an aspirant for
+&#8220;anything he could get&#8221; in the way of honours (humble aspiration <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span>as it
+seemed, it was not destined to be gratified, for he got nothing). He
+thought he might find some shooting and fishing in Wales, so had
+brought with him a gun-case and a setter; though his pretensions to
+sportsmanship proved to be rather of the cockney order. For three months
+he was the happily unconscious butt of our party, and yet never but once
+was his good-humour seriously interrupted.</p>
+
+<p>From B&mdash;&mdash; to Glyndewi we had been told we must make our way as we
+could: and a council of war, which included boots and the waiter, ended
+in the arrival of the owner of one of the herring-boats, of which there
+were several under &#8220;the terrace.&#8221; &#8220;Was you wish to go to Glyndewi,
+gentlemen? I shall take you so quick as any way; she is capital wind,
+and you shall have fine sail.&#8221; A man who could speak such undeniable
+English was in himself a treasure; for an ineffectual attempt at a
+bargain for some lobsters (even with a &#8220;Welsh interpreter&#8221; in our hands)
+had warned us that there were in this Christian country unknown tongues
+which would have puzzled even the Rev. Edward Irving. So the bargain was
+struck: in half an hour ourselves and traps were alongside the boat: and
+after waiting ten minutes for the embarkation of Mr Sydney Dawson and
+his dog Sholto, who seemed to have an abhorrence of sea-voyages,
+Branling at last hauled in the latter in the last <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span>agonies of
+strangulation, and his master having tumbled in over him, to the
+detriment of a pair of clean whites and a cerulean waistcoat, we&mdash;<i>i.
+e.</i> the rest of us&mdash;set sail for Glyndewi in high spirits.</p>
+
+<p>Our boatmen were intelligent fellows, and very anxious to display their
+little stock of English. They knew Mr Hanmer well, they said&mdash;he had
+been at Glyndewi the summer before; he was &#8220;nice free gentleman;&#8221; and
+they guessed immediately the object of our pilgrimage: Glyndewi was
+&#8220;very much for learning;&#8221; did not gentlemen from Oxford College, and
+gentlemen from Cambridge College, all come there? We warned him not on
+any account to couple us in his mind with &#8220;Cambridge gentlemen:&#8221; we were
+quite a distinct species, we assured him. (They had beaten us that year
+in the eight-oar match on the Thames.) But there seemed no sufficient
+reason for disabusing their minds of the notion that this influx of
+students was owing to something classical in the air of Glyndewi;
+indeed, supposing this theory to be wrong, it was no easy matter to
+substitute a sounder one. In what did the superiority of Mrs Jenkins&#8217;s
+smoky parlour at Glyndewi consist, for the purposes of reading for a
+degree, compared with my pleasant rooms looking into &mdash;&mdash; gardens at
+Oxford, or the governor&#8217;s snug library at home? It is an abstruse
+question. Parents and guardians, indeed, whose part upon the stage of
+life, as upon <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span>the theatrical stage, consists principally in submitting
+to be more or less humbugged, attribute surprising effects to a fancied
+absence of all amusements, with a mill-horse round of Greek, Latin, and
+logic, early rising, and walks in the country with a pocket Horace. From
+my own experience of reading parties, I should select as their peculiar
+characteristics a tendency to hats and caps of such remarkable shapes
+as, if once sported in the college quadrangle, would be the subject of a
+common-room <i>instanter</i>; and, among some individuals (whom we may call
+the peripatetic philosophers of the party) a predilection for seedy
+shooting-coats and short pipes, with which they perambulate the
+neighbourhood to the marvel of the aboriginal inhabitants; while those
+whom we may class with the stoics, display a preference for
+dressing-gowns and meerschaums, and confine themselves principally to
+the doorways and open windows of their respective lodgings. How far
+these &#8220;helps to knowledge&#8221;&mdash;for which Oxford certainly does not afford
+equal facilities&mdash;conduce to the required first or second class, is a
+question I do not feel competent to decide; but <i>if</i> reading-parties
+<i>do</i> succeed, the secret of their success may at least as probably lie
+in these hitherto unregarded phenomena.</p>
+
+<p>Five hours of a fair wind brought us to Glyndewi. Here we found Hanmer
+and Gordon, who had taken a house for the party, and seemed already
+domesticated. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span>I cannot say that we were royally lodged: the rooms were
+low, and the terms high; but as no one thought of taking lodgings at
+Glyndewi in the winter, and the rats consequently lived in them
+rent-free for six months, it was but fair somebody should pay: and we
+did. &#8220;Attendance&#8221; we had into the bargain. Now, attendance at a
+lodging-house has been defined to be, the privilege of ringing your bell
+as often as you please, provided you do not expect any one to answer it.
+But the bell-ropes in Mrs Jenkins&#8217;s parlours being only ornamental
+appendages, our privilege was confined to calling upon the landing-place
+for a red-headed female, who, when she did come, which was seldom, was
+terrible to look upon, and could only be conversed with by pantomime.</p>
+
+<p>To do Mrs Jenkins and &#8220;Gwenny&#8221; justice, they were scrupulously clean in
+everything but their own persons, which, the latter&#8217;s especially, seemed
+to have monopolised the dirt of the whole establishment. College
+bedrooms are not luxurious affairs, so we were not inclined to be
+captious on that head; and we slept soundly, and awoke with a
+determination to make our first voyage of discovery in a charitable
+spirit.</p>
+
+<p>The result of our morning&#8217;s stroll was the unanimous conclusion that
+Glyndewi was a rising place. It did not seem inclined to rise all at
+once though; but in patches here and there, with a quarter of a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span>mile or
+so between, like what we read of the great sea-serpent. (I fear this
+individual is no more; this matter-of-fact age has been the death of
+him.) There were two long streets&mdash;one parallel to the quay (or, as the
+more refined call it, &#8220;the terrace&#8221;), and the other at right angles to
+it. The first was Herring Street&mdash;the second Goose Street. At least such
+were the ancient names, which I give for the benefit of antiquarian
+readers. Since the then Princess Victoria visited <span style="white-space: nowrap;">B&mdash;&mdash;,</span> the loyalty of
+the Glyndewi people had changed &#8220;Herring&#8221; into &#8220;Victoria;&#8221; and her royal
+consort has since had the equivocal compliment paid him of transmuting
+&#8220;Goose Street&#8221; into &#8220;Albert Buildings.&#8221; I trust it will not be
+considered disloyal to say, that the original sponsors&mdash;the geese and
+the herrings&mdash;seem to me to have been somewhat hardly used; having done
+more for their namesakes than, as far as I can learn, their royal
+successors even promised.</p>
+
+<p>Glyndewi was rising, however, in more respects than in the matter of
+taste in nomenclature. Tall houses, all front and windows, were stuck up
+here and there; sometimes with a low fisherman&#8217;s cottage between them,
+whose sinking roof and bulging walls looked as if, like the frog in the
+fable, it had burst in the vain attempt to rival its majestic neighbour.
+At one end stood a large hotel with a small business, and an empty
+billiard-room; at the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span>other, a wall six inches high marked the spot
+where subscription-rooms were to be built for the accommodation of
+visitors and the public generally, as set forth in the prospectus, as
+soon as the visitors and the public chose to find the money. Nearly the
+whole of the village was the property of a gentleman who had built the
+hotel and billiard-room, and run up a few lodging-houses on a
+speculation, which seemed at best a doubtful one, of making it in time a
+fashionable watering-place.</p>
+
+<p>Glyndewi had been recommended to us as a quiet place. It was
+quiet&mdash;horribly quiet. Not the quiet of green fields and deep woods, the
+charm of country life; but the quiet of a teetotal supper-party, or a
+college in vacation. &#8220;Just the place for reading: no gaiety&mdash;no
+temptations.&#8221; So I had written to tell the governor, in the ardour of my
+setting forth as one of a &#8220;reading-party:&#8221; alas! it was a fatal mistake.
+Had it been an ordinarily cheerful place, I think one or two of us could
+and would have read there; as it was, our whole wits were set to work to
+enliven its dulness. It took us as long to invent an amusement, as would
+have sufficed elsewhere for getting tired of half-a-dozen different
+dissipations. The very reason which made us fix upon it as a place to
+read in, proved in our case the source of unmitigated idleness. &#8220;No
+temptations,&#8221; indeed! there were no temptations&mdash;the only temptation I
+felt there was to hang or <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span>drown myself, and there was not a tree six
+feet high within as many miles, and the Dewi was a river &#8220;darkly,
+deeply, beautifully&#8221;&mdash;muddy; it would have been smothering rather. We
+should not have staid to the end of the first month, had it not been for
+very shame; but to run away from a reading-party would have been a joke
+against us for ever. So from the time we got up in the morning, until we
+climbed Mrs Jenkins&#8217;s domestic tread-mill again at night, the one
+question was, what should we do with ourselves? Walk? there were the
+<span style="white-space: nowrap;">A&mdash;&mdash;</span> and <span style="white-space: nowrap;">B&mdash;&mdash;</span> roads&mdash;three miles of sand and dust either way. Before
+us was the bay&mdash;behind the <span style="white-space: nowrap;">&mdash;&mdash;shire</span> mountains, up which one might walk
+some sixteen miles (in the month of July), and get the same view from
+each successive point you reached: viz., a hill before you, which you
+thought must be the top at last, and Glyndewi&mdash;of which we knew the
+number of houses, and the number of windows in each&mdash;behind. Ride
+then?&mdash;the two hacks kept by mine host of the Mynysnewydd Arms deserve a
+history to themselves. Rosinante would have been ashamed to be seen
+grazing in the same field with such caricatures of his race. There was a
+board upon a house a few doors off, announcing that &#8220;pleasure and other
+boats&#8221; were to be let on hire. All the boats that we were acquainted
+with must have been the &#8220;other&#8221; ones&mdash;for they smelled of herrings,
+sailed at about the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span>pace of a couple of freshmen in a &#8220;two-oar,&#8221; and
+gave very pretty exercise&mdash;to those who were fond of it&mdash;in baling. As
+for reading, we were like the performers at a travelling theatre&mdash;always
+&#8220;going to begin.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Branling, indeed, did once shut himself up in his bedroom, as we
+afterwards ascertained, with a box of cigars and a black and tan
+terrier, and read for three weeks on end in the peculiar atmosphere thus
+created. Willingham of Christ Church, and myself, had what was called
+the dining-room in common, and proceeded so far on the third day after
+our arrival, as to lay out a very imposing spread of books upon all the
+tables; and there it remained in evidence of our good intentions, until
+the first time we were called upon to do the honours of an extempore
+luncheon. Unfortunately, from the very first, Willingham and myself were
+set down by Hanmer as the idle men of the party; this sort of
+prophetical discrimination, which tutors at Oxford are very much in the
+habit of priding themselves upon, tends, like other prophecies, to work
+its own fulfilment. Did a civil Welshman favour us with a call? &#8220;Show
+him in to Mr Hawthorne and Mr Willingham; I dare say they are not very
+busy&#8221;&mdash;quoth our <i>Jupiter tonans</i> from on high in the dining-room, where
+he held his court; and accordingly in he came. We had Stilton and
+bottled porter in charge for these occasions from <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span>the common stock; but
+the honours of all these visits were exclusively our own, as far as
+house-room went. In dropped the rest of the party, one by one. Hanmer
+himself pitched the Ethics into a corner to make room, as he said, for
+substantials, the froth of bottled Guinness damped the eloquence of
+Cicero, and Branling having twisted up my analysis of the last-read
+chapter into a light for his cigar, there was an end of our morning&#8217;s
+work. How could we read? That was what we always said, and there was
+some truth in it.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Branling&#8217;s reading fit was soon over too; and having cursed the
+natives for barbarians, because there was not a pack of harriers within
+ten miles, which confirmed him in the opinion he had always expressed of
+their utter want of civilisation (for, as he justly remarked, not one in
+a dozen could even speak decent English), he waited impatiently for
+September, when he had got leave from some Mr Williams or Jones&mdash;I never
+remembered which&mdash;to shoot over a considerable range about Glyndewi.</p>
+
+<p>But with the 20th of August a change came o&#8217;er the spirit of our dream.
+Hitherto we had seen little of any of the neighbouring families,
+excepting that of a Captain George Phillips, who, living only three
+miles off, on the bank of the river, and having three sons and two
+daughters, and keeping a pretty yacht, had given us a dinner-party or
+two, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span>and a pleasant day&#8217;s sail. Capital fellows were the young
+Phillipses: Nature&#8217;s gentlemen; unsophisticated, hearty Welshmen; lads
+from sixteen to twenty. Down they used to come in a most dangerous
+little craft of their own, which went by the name of the &#8220;Coroner&#8217;s
+Inquest,&#8221; to smoke cigars, (against which the Captain had published an
+interdict at home), and question us about Oxford larks, and tell us in
+return stories of wild-fowl shooting, otter-hunting, and salmon-fishing,
+in all which they were proficient.</p>
+
+<p>Our establishment was not an imposing one, but of them we made no
+strangers. Once they came, I remember, self-invited to dinner, in a most
+unfortunate state of our larder. The weekly half sheep had not arrived
+from <span style="white-space: nowrap;">B&mdash;&mdash;;</span> to get anything in Glyndewi, beyond the native luxuries of
+bacon and herrings, was hopeless; and our dinner happened to be a leash
+of fowls, of which we had just purchased a live supply. Mrs Glasse would
+have been in despair; we took it coolly; to the three boiled fowls at
+top, we added three roast ditto at bottom, and by unanimous consent of
+both guests and entertainers, a more excellent dinner was never put on
+table.</p>
+
+<p>But the 20th of August the day of the Glyndewi regatta!&mdash;<i>that</i> must
+have a chapter to itself.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span></p><h3>CHAPTER II.</h3>
+
+<p>When a dull place like Glyndewi does undertake to be gay, it seldom does
+things by halves. Ordinary doses of excitement fail to meet the urgency
+of the case. It was the fashion, it appeared, for all the country
+families of any pretensions to <i>ton</i>, and not a few of the idlers from
+the neighbouring watering-places, to be at Glyndewi for the race-week.
+And as far as the programme of amusements went, certainly the committee
+(consisting of the resident surgeon, the non-resident proprietor of the
+&#8220;hotel,&#8221; &amp;c., and a retired major in the H.E.I.C.&#8217;s service, called by
+his familiars by the endearing name of &#8220;Tiger Jones&#8221;) had made a
+spirited attempt to meet the demand. A public breakfast, and a regatta,
+and a ball&mdash;a &#8220;Full Dress and Fancy Ball,&#8221; the advertisement said, on
+the 20th; a Horse-Race and an Ordinary on the 21st; a Cricket Match, if
+possible, and any extra fun which the Visitors&#8217; own genius might strike
+out on the following days.</p>
+
+<p>The little bay of Glyndewi was not a bad place for a boat-race on a
+small scale. The &#8220;terrace&#8221; commanded the whole of it; there were plenty
+of herring-boats, about equally matched in sailing deficiencies, ready
+and willing to &#8220;run&#8221;&mdash;<i>i. e.</i> creep&mdash;for the prizes; and an honourable
+member of the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span>Yacht Club, who for some years past, for reasons which it
+was said his creditors could explain, had found it more convenient to
+keep his season at <span style="white-space: nowrap;">B&mdash;&mdash;</span> than at Cowes, always paid the stewards the
+compliment of carrying off the &#8220;Ladies&#8217; Challenge Cup.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The two or three years&#8217; experience which the Glyndewi people had lately
+gained of the nature and habits of &#8220;the Oxonians,&#8221; made them an article
+in great demand on these occasions. Mammas and daughters agreed in
+looking upon us as undeniable partners in the ball-room, while the
+sporting men booked us as safe for getting up a creditable four-oar,
+with a strong probability of finding a light-weight willing to risk his
+neck and reputation at a hurdle-race. Certain it is, that from the time
+the races began to be seriously talked about, we began to feel ourselves
+invested with additional importance. &#8220;Tiger Jones&#8221; (who occupied a snug
+little box about a mile out of Glyndewi, where he lived upon cheroots
+and brandy-and-water) called, was exceedingly polite, apologised for not
+inviting us to dinner&mdash;a thing he declared impossible in his
+quarters&mdash;hoped we would call some day and take a lunch with him, spoke
+with rapture of the capital crew which &#8220;the gentlemen who were studying
+here last summer&#8221; had made up, and which ran away from all competitors,
+and expressed a fervent hope that we should do likewise.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span></p><p>The sporting surgeon (of course he had called upon us long ago)
+redoubled his attentions, begged that if any of us were cricketers we
+would endeavour to aid him in getting up a &#8220;Glyndewi eleven&#8221; against the
+&#8220;Strangers,&#8221; and fixed himself upon me as an invaluable acquisition,
+when he found I had actually once played in a match against Marylebone.
+(I did not tell him that the total score of my innings was &#8220;<i>one</i>.&#8221;)
+Would I, then, at once take the drilling of as many recruits as he could
+get together? And would Mr Willingham and Mr Gordon, who &#8220;used to play
+at school,&#8221; get up their practice again? (It wanted about a fortnight to
+the races.) The result of this, and sundry other interviews, was, that
+Branling at length found a vent for the <i>vis inerti&aelig;</i> in putting us all,
+with the exception of Mr Sydney Dawson, whom he declared to be so stiff
+in the back that he had no hope of him, into training for a four-oar;
+and the surgeon and myself set off in his gig for <span style="white-space: nowrap;">B&mdash;&mdash;,</span> to purchase
+materials for cricket.</p>
+
+<p>It is true that our respected tutor did look more than usually grave,
+and shook his head with a meaning almost as voluminous as Lord
+Burleigh&#8217;s, when informed of our new line of study. Rowing he declared
+to be a most absurd expenditure of time and strength; he never could see
+the fun of men breaking blood-vessels, and getting plucked for their
+degree, for the honour of &#8220;the Trinity <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span>Boat.&#8221; But the cricket touched
+him on the raw. He was an old Etonian, and had in his time been a good
+player; and was now as active as any stout gentleman of
+seven-and-thirty, who had been twelve years a steady admirer of bursary
+dinners and common-room port. So, after some decent scruples on his
+part, and some well-timed compliments touching his physical abilities on
+ours (he was much vainer of the muscle of his arm than of his high
+reputation as a scholar), we succeeded in drawing from him a sort of
+promise, that if we were so foolish as to get up a match, he would try
+whether he had forgot all about bowling.</p>
+
+<p>For the next fortnight, therefore, we had occupation enough cut out for
+us. Branling was unmerciful in his practice on the river; and
+considering that two of us had never pulled an oar but in the slowest of
+&#8220;Torpids,&#8221; we improved surprisingly under his tuition. The cricket, too,
+was quite a new era in our existence. Dawson (we told him that the
+&#8220;Sydney&#8221; must be kept for Sundays) was a perfect fund of amusement in
+his zealous practice. He knew as much about the matter as a cow might,
+and was rather less active. But if perseverance could have made a
+cricketer, he would have turned out a first-rate one. Not content with
+two or three hours of it every fine evening, when we all sallied down to
+the marsh, followed by every idler in Glyndewi, he used to disappear
+occasionally in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span>the mornings, and for some days puzzled us as to where
+and how he disposed of himself. We had engaged, in our corporate
+capacity, the services of a most original retainer, who cleaned boots,
+fetched the beer, ate the cold mutton, and made himself otherwise useful
+when required. He was amphibious in his habits, having been a
+herring-fisher the best part of his life; but being a martyr to the
+rheumatism, which occasionally screwed him up into indescribable forms,
+had betaken himself to earning a precarious subsistence as he could on
+shore. It was not often that we required his services between breakfast
+and luncheon, but one morning, after having despatched Gwenny in all
+directions to hunt for Bill Thomas in vain, we at at last elicited from
+her that &#8220;maybe she was gone with Mr Dawson.&#8221; Then it came out, to our
+infinite amusement, that Dawson was in the habit, occasionally, of
+impressing our factotum Bill to carry bat, stumps, and ball down to the
+marsh, and there commencing private practice on his own account.</p>
+
+<p>Mr Sydney Dawson and Bill Thomas&mdash;the sublime and the
+ridiculous&mdash;amalgamating at cricket, was far too good a joke to lose; so
+we got Hanmer to cut his lecture short, and come down with us to the
+scene of action. From the cover of a sand-bank, we had a view of all
+that was going on in the plain below. There was our friend at the
+wicket, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span>with his coat off, and the grey spectacles on, in an attitude
+which it must have taken him some study to accomplish, and Bill, with
+the ball in his hand, vociferating &#8220;Plaiy.&#8221; A ragged urchin behind the
+wicket, attempting to bag the balls as Dawson missed them in what had
+once been a hat, and Sholto looking on with an air of mystification,
+completed the picture.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That&#8217;s too slow,&#8221; said Sydney, as Bill, after some awful contortions,
+at length delivered himself of what he called a cast. &#8220;<i>Diawl!</i>&#8221; said
+Bill, <i>sotto voce</i>, as he again got possession of the ball. &#8220;That&#8217;s too
+high,&#8221; was the complaint, as, with an extraordinary kind of jerk, it
+flew some yards over the batsman&#8217;s head, and took what remained of the
+crown out of the little lazzaroni&#8217;s hat behind. &#8220;<i>Diawl!</i>&#8221; quoth Bill
+again, apologetically. &#8220;She got too much way on her that time.&#8221; Bill was
+generally pretty wide of his mark, and great appeared to be the
+satisfaction of all parties when Dawson contrived to make a hit, and
+Sholto and the boy set off after the ball, while the striker leaned with
+elegant <i>nonchalance</i> upon his bat, and Bill mopped his face, and gave
+vent to a complimentary variety of &#8220;Diawl.&#8221; It was really a pity to
+interrupt the performance; but we did at last. Bill looked rather
+ashamed of his share in the business when he saw &#8220;Mishtar,&#8221; as he called
+Hanmer; but Dawson&#8217;s self-complacency and good-humour <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span>carried him
+through everything. &#8220;By Jove,&#8221; said Willingham to him, &#8220;no wonder you
+improve in your style of play; Bill has no bad notion of bowling, has
+he?&#8221; &#8220;Why, no; he does very well for practice; and he is to have
+half-a-crown if he gets me out.&#8221; &#8220;Bowl at his legs, Bill,&#8221; said
+Willingham aside, &#8220;he&#8217;s out, you know, if you hit them.&#8221; &#8220;Nay,&#8221; said
+Bill, with a desponding shake of the head, &#8220;she squat &#8217;n hard on the knee
+now just, and made &#8217;n proper savage, but I wasn&#8217;t get nothing for that.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Positively we did more in the way of reading after the boating and the
+cricket began, than while we continued in a state of vagrant idleness,
+without a fixed amusement of any kind. In the first place, it was
+necessary to conciliate Hanmer by some show of industry in the morning,
+in order to keep him in good humour for the cricket in the evening; for
+he was decidedly the main hope of our having anything like a decent
+eleven. Secondly, the Phillipses took to dining early at home, and
+coming to practice with us in the evening, instead of dropping down the
+river every breezy morning, and either idling in our rooms, or beguiling
+us out mackerel-fishing or flapper-shooting in their boat. And thirdly,
+it became absolutely necessary that we should do something, if class
+lists and examiners had any real existence, and were not mere bugbears
+invented by &#8220;alma mater&#8221; to instil <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span>a wholesome terror into her unruly
+progeny. Really, when one compared our actual progress with the Augean
+labour which was to be gone through, it required a large amount of faith
+to believe that we were all &#8220;going up for honours in October.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>We spent a very pleasant morning at Llyn-eiros, the den of &#8220;Tiger
+Jones.&#8221; He obtained this somewhat appalling sobriquet from a habit of
+spinning yarns, more marvellous than his unwarlike neighbours were
+accustomed to, of the dangers encountered in his Indian sports; and one
+in particular, of an extraordinary combat between his &#8220;chokedar&#8221; and a
+tiger&mdash;whether the gist of the story lay in the tiger&#8217;s eating the
+chokedar, or the chokedar eating the tiger, I am not sure&mdash;I rather
+think the latter. However, in Wales one is always glad to have some
+distinguishing appellation to prefix to the name of Jones. If a man&#8217;s
+godfathers and godmothers have the forethought to christen him
+&#8220;Mountstewart Jones,&#8221; or &#8220;Fitzhardinge Jones&#8221; (I knew such instances of
+cognominal anticlimax), then it was all very well&mdash;no mistake about the
+individuality of such fortunate people. But &#8220;Tom Joneses&#8221; and &#8220;Bob
+Joneses&#8221; were no individuals at all. They were classes, and large
+classes; and had to be again distinguished into &#8220;Little Bob Joneses&#8221; and
+&#8220;Long Bob Joneses.&#8221; Or if there happened to be nothing sufficiently
+characteristic in the personal appearance of the rival Joneses, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span>then
+was he fortunate who had no less complimentary additions to his style
+and title than what might be derived from the name of his location, or
+the nature of his engagements. These honours were often hereditary&mdash;nay,
+sometimes descended in the female line. We hear occasionally, in
+England, of &#8220;Mrs Doctor Smith,&#8221; and &#8220;Mrs Major Brown;&#8221; and absurd as it
+is, one does comprehend by intuition that it was the gentleman and not
+the lady who was the ten-year man at Cambridge, or the commandant of the
+Boggleton yeomanry; but few besides a Welshman would have learned,
+without a smile, that &#8220;Mrs Jones the officer&#8221; was the relict of the late
+tide-waiter at Glyndewi, or that the quiet, modest little daughter of
+the town-clerk of <span style="white-space: nowrap;">B&mdash;&mdash;</span> was known to her intimates as &#8220;Miss Jones the
+lawyer.&#8221; Luckily our friend the Tiger was a bachelor; it would have been
+alarming to a nervous stranger at the Glyndewi ball, upon inquiring the
+name of the young lady with red hair and cat&#8217;s eyes, to have been
+introduced incontinently to &#8220;Miss Jones the tiger.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The Tiger himself was a well-disposed animal; somewhat given to solitary
+prowling, like his namesakes in a state of nature, but of most
+untigerlike and facetious humour. He generally marched into Glyndewi
+after an early breakfast, and from that time until he returned to his
+&#8220;mutton&#8221; at five, might be seen majestically stalking up and down <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span>the
+extreme edge of the terrace, looking at the fishing-boats, and
+shaking&mdash;<i>not</i> his tail, for, as all stout gentlemen seemed to think it
+their duty to do by the sea-side, he wore a round jacket. From the time
+that we began our new pursuits, he took to us amazingly&mdash;called us his
+&#8220;dear lads&#8221;&mdash;offered bets to any amount that we should beat the
+<span style="white-space: nowrap;">B&mdash;&mdash;</span> Cutter Club, and protested that he never saw finer bowling at
+Lord&#8217;s than Hanmer&#8217;s.</p>
+
+<p>Branling was in delight. He had found a man who would smoke with him all
+day (report said, indeed, that the Tiger regularly went to sleep with a
+cheroot in his mouth), and he had the superintending of &#8220;the boat,&#8221;
+which was his thought from morning to night. A light gig, that had once
+belonged to the custom-house, was polished and painted under his special
+directions (often did we sigh for one of King&#8217;s worst &#8220;fours!&#8221;) and the
+fishermen marvelled at such precocious nautical talent.</p>
+
+<p>None of these, however&mdash;great events as they were in our hitherto
+monotonous sojourn&mdash;were the &#8220;crowning mercy&#8221; of the Glyndewi regatta.
+Hitherto the sunshine of bright eyes, and the breath of balmy lips, had
+been almost as much unknown to us as if we had been still within the
+monastic walls of Oxford. We had dined in a body at our friend the
+surgeon&#8217;s: he was a bachelor. We had been invited by twos and threes at
+a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span>time to a Welsh squire&#8217;s in the neighbourhood, who had two maiden
+sisters, and a fat, good-humoured wife. Captain Phillips had given us a
+spread more than once at Craig-y-gerron, and, of course, some of us (I
+was not so fortunate) had handed in the Misses Phillips to dinner; but
+the greater part of the time from six till eleven (at which hour Hanmer
+always ordered out our &#8220;<i>trap</i>&#8221;) was too pleasantly occupied in
+discussing the captain&#8217;s port and claret, and laughing at his jokes, to
+induce us to give much time or attention to the ladies in the
+drawing-room. If some of my fair readers exclaim against this stoic (or
+rather epicurean) indifference, it may gratify their injured vanity to
+know, that in the sequel some of us paid for it.</p>
+
+<p>The Phillipses came down in full force the day before the regatta; they
+were engaged to lunch with us, and, as it was the first time that the
+ladies of the party had honoured us with a visit, we spared no pains to
+make our entertainment somewhat more <i>recherch&eacute;</i> than was our wont. It
+was then that I first discovered that Clara Phillips was beautiful. I am
+not going to describe her now; I never could have described her. All I
+knew, and all I remember, was, that for a long time afterwards I formed
+my standard of what a woman ought to be, by unconscious comparison with
+what she was. What colour her eyes were, was a question among us at the
+time. Willingham swore they were grey; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span>Dawson insisted that they were
+hazel; Branling, to whom they referred the point, was inclined to think
+there was &#8220;something green&#8221; in them. But that they were eyes of no
+common expression, all of us were agreed. I think at least half the
+party were more than half in love with her when that race-week was over.
+In one sense it was not her fault if we were; for a girl more thoroughly
+free from every species of coquetry, and with less of that pitiful
+ambition of making conquests, which is the curse of half the sex, it was
+impossible to meet with. But she was to blame for it too, in another
+way; for to know her, and not love her, would have been a reproach to
+any man. Lively and good-humoured, with an unaffected buoyancy of
+spirits, interesting herself in all that passed around her, and
+unconscious of the interest she herself excited, no wonder that she
+seemed to us like an angel sent to cheer us in our house of bondage. Of
+her own family she was deservedly the darling; even Dick Phillips, whom
+three successive tutors had given up in despair, became the most docile
+of pupils under his sister Clara. Accustomed early to join her brothers
+in all out-door sports, she was an excellent horsewoman, a fearless
+sailor, and an untiring explorer of mountains and waterfalls, without
+losing her naturally feminine character, or becoming in any degree a
+hoiden or a romp. She sang the sweet national airs of Wales with a voice
+whose <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span>richness of tone was only second to its power of expression. She
+did everything with the air of one who, while delighting others, is
+conscious only of delighting herself; and never seeking admiration,
+received it as gracefully as it was ungrudgingly bestowed.</p>
+
+<p>If there is one form of taking exercise which I really hate, it is what
+people call dancing. I am passionately fond of music; but why people
+should conceive it necessary to shuffle about in all varieties of
+awkwardness, in order to enjoy it to their satisfaction, has been, is,
+and probably will ever be, beyond my comprehension. It is all very well
+for young ladies on the look-out for husbands to affect a fondness for
+dancing: in the first place, some women dance gracefully, and even
+elegantly, and show themselves off undoubtedly to advantage (if any
+exhibition on a woman&#8217;s part be an advantage); then it gives an excuse
+for whispering, and squeezing of hands, and stealing flowers, and a
+thousand nameless skirmishings preparatory to what they are endeavouring
+to bring about&mdash;an engagement; but for a man to be fond of shuffling and
+twirling himself out of the dignity of step which nature gave
+him&mdash;picking his way through a quadrille, like a goose upon hot bricks,
+or gyrating like a bad tee-totum in what English fashionables are
+pleased to term a &#8220;valse,&#8221; I never see a man thus occupied, without a
+fervent desire to kick him. &#8220;What a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span>Goth!&#8221; I hear a fair reader of
+eighteen, prettily ejaculate&mdash;&#8220;thank Heaven, that all men have not such
+barbarous ideas! Why, I would go fifty miles to a good ball!&#8221; Be not
+alarmed, my dear young lady; give me but a moment to thank Providence,
+in my turn, that you are neither my sister nor my daughter, and I will
+promise you that you shall never be my wife.</p>
+
+<p>On the Saturday night, then, I made Gordon and Willingham both very
+cross, and caught Sydney Dawson&#8217;s eye looking over his spectacles with
+supreme contempt, when I declared my decided intention of staying at
+home the night of the ball. Even the Reverend Robert Hanmer, who was
+going himself, was annoyed when Gordon told him of what he called my
+wilfulness, having a notion that it was decidedly disrespectful in any
+of us, either to go when he did <i>not</i>, or to decline going when he
+<i>did</i>.</p>
+
+<p>On the Tuesday morning, I sent to <span style="white-space: nowrap;">B&mdash;&mdash;</span> for white kids. Gordon looked
+astonished, Hanmer was glad that I had &#8220;taken his advice,&#8221; and
+Willingham laughed outright; he had overheard Clara Phillips ask me to
+dance with her. Men <i>are</i> like green gooseberries&mdash;very green ones;
+women <i>do</i> make fools of them, and a comparatively small proportion of
+sugar, in the shape of flattery, is sufficient.</p>
+
+<p>Two days before the regatta, there marched into Mrs Jenkins&#8217;s open
+doorway, a bewildered-looking <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span>gentleman, shaking off the dust from his
+feet in testimony of having had a long walk, and inquiring for Hanmer.
+Gwenny, with her natural grace, trotted up-stairs before him, put her
+head in at the &#8220;drawing-room&#8221; door (she seemed always conscious that the
+less one saw of her person the better), and having announced briefly,
+but emphatically, &#8220;a gentlemans,&#8221; retreated. Hanmer had puzzled himself
+and me by an attempt to explain a passage which Aristotle, of course,
+would have put in plainer language if he had known what he meant
+himself&mdash;but modern philosophers are kind enough to help him out
+occasionally&mdash;when the entrance of the gentleman in dust cut the Gordian
+knot, and saved the Stagyrite from the disgrace of having a pretty bit
+of esoteric abstruseness translated into common sense.</p>
+
+<p>(What a blessing would it be for Dr &mdash;&mdash;, and Professor &mdash;&mdash;, if they
+might be allowed to mystify their readers in Greek! though, to do them
+justice, they have turned the Queen&#8217;s English to good account for that
+purpose, and have produced passages which first-class men, at an
+Athenian university, might possibly construe, but which the whole board
+of sophists might be defied to explain.)</p>
+
+<p>The <i>deus ex machin&acirc;</i>&mdash;the gentleman on, or rather off the tramp&mdash;who
+arrived thus opportunely, was no less a person than the Reverend George
+Plympton, Fellow of Oriel, &amp;c. &amp;c. &amp;c. He was an intimate friend of our
+worthy tutor&#8217;s; if the friendship <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span>between Oxford dons can be called
+intimacy. They compared the merits of their respective college cooks
+three or four times a term, and contended for the superior vintage of
+the common-room port. They played whist together; walked arm-in-arm
+round Christ Church meadow; and knew the names of all the old incumbents
+in each other&#8217;s college-list, and the value of the respective livings.
+Mr Plympton and a friend had been making a walking tour of North Wales;
+that is, they walked about five miles, stared at a mountain, or a fall,
+or an old castle, as per guide-book, and then coached it to the next
+point, when the said book set down that &#8220;the Black Dog was an excellent
+inn,&#8221; or that &#8220;travellers would find every accommodation at Mrs Price&#8217;s
+of the Wynnstay Arms.&#8221; Knowing that Hanmer was to be found at Glyndewi,
+Mr Plympton left his friend at <span style="white-space: nowrap;">B&mdash;&mdash;,</span> where the salmon was
+unexceptionable, and had completed the most arduous day&#8217;s walk in his
+journal, nearly thirteen miles, in a state of dust and heat far from
+agreeable to a stoutish gentleman of forty, who usually looked as spruce
+as if he came out of a band-box. Hanmer and he seemed really glad to see
+each other. On those &#8220;oxless&#8221; shores, where, as Byron says, &#8220;beef was
+rare,&#8221; though</p>
+
+<p class="center">&#8220;Goat&#8217;s flesh there was, no doubt, and kid, and mutton,&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>the tender reminiscences of far-off Gaude days and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span>Bursary dinners,
+that must have arisen in the hearts of each, were enough to make their
+meeting almost an affecting one. Hanmer must have blushed, I think,
+though far from his wont, when he asked Mr Plympton if he could feed
+with us at four upon&mdash;hashed mutton! (We consumed nearly a sheep per
+week, and exhausted our stock of culinary ideas, as well as our
+landlady&#8217;s patience, in trying to vary the forms in which it was to
+appear; not having taken the precaution, as some Cambridge men did at
+<span style="white-space: nowrap;">B&mdash;&mdash;</span> one vacation, to bespeak a French cook at a rather higher salary
+than the mathematical tutor&#8217;s.)<a name="FNanchor_A_1" id="FNanchor_A_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_1" class="fnanchor">[A]</a> Probably, however, Mr Plympton&#8217;s
+unusual walk made him more anxious about the quantity than the quality
+of his diet, for he not only attacked the mutton like an Etonian, but
+announced his intention of staying with us over the ball, if a bed was
+to be had, and sending to <span style="white-space: nowrap;">B&mdash;&mdash;</span> for his decorations. He was introduced
+in due form to the Phillipses the next day, and in the number and
+elegance of his bows, almost eclipsed Mr Sydney Dawson, whom Clara never
+ceased to recommend to her brothers as an example of politeness.</p>
+
+<p>Bright dawned the morning of the 20th of August, the first of the &#8220;three
+glorious days&#8221; of Glyndewi. As people came to these races really for
+amusement, the breakfast was fixed for the very unfashionable hour of
+ten, in order not to interfere with the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span>main business of the day&mdash;the
+regatta. Before half-past, the tables at the Mynysnewydd Arms were
+filled with what the <span style="white-space: nowrap;"><i>&mdash;&mdash;shire</i></span> <i>Herald</i> termed &#8220;a galaxy of beauty and
+fashion.&#8221; But every one seemed well aware that there were far more
+substantial attractions present, meant to fill not the tables only, but
+the guests. The breakfast was by no means a matter of form. People had
+evidently come with more serious intentions than merely to display new
+bonnets, and trifle with grapes and peaches. Sea-air gives a whet to
+even a lady&#8217;s appetite, and if the performances that morning were any
+criterion of the effects of that of Glyndewi, the new Poor Law
+Commissioners, in forming their scale of allowances, must really have
+reported it a &#8220;special case.&#8221; The fair Cambrians, in short, played very
+respectable knives and forks&mdash;made no bones&mdash;or rather nothing but
+bones&mdash;of the chickens, and ate kippered salmon like Catholics. You
+caught a bright eye gazing in your direction with evident
+interest&mdash;&#8220;Would you have the kindness to cut that pasty before you for
+a lady?&#8221; You almost overheard a tender whisper from the gentleman
+opposite to the pretty girl beside him. She blushes and gently
+remonstrates. Again his lip almost touches her cheek in earnest
+persuasion&mdash;yes! she is consenting&mdash;to another <i>little</i> slice of ham! As
+for the jolly Welsh squires themselves, and their strapping
+heirs-apparent (you remember that six-foot-four <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span>man surely, number six
+of the Jesus boat)&mdash;now that the ladies have really done, and the
+waiters have brought in the relays of brandered chickens and
+fresh-caught salmon, which mine host, who has had some experience of his
+customers, has most liberally provided&mdash;they set to work in earnest.
+They have been only politely trifling hitherto with the wing of a fowl
+or so, to keep the ladies company. But now, as old Captain Phillips, at
+the head of the table, cuts a slice and a joke alternately, and the
+Tiger at the bottom begins to let out his carnivorous propensities, one
+gets to have an idea what breakfast means. &#8220;Let me advise you, my dear
+Mr Dawson&mdash;as a friend&mdash;you&#8217;ll excuse an old stager&mdash;if you have no
+particular wish to starve yourself&mdash;you&#8217;ve had nothing yet but two cups
+of tea&mdash;to help yourself, and let your neighbours do the same. You may
+keep on cutting Vauxhall shavings for those three young Lloyds till
+Michaelmas; pass the ham down to them, and hand me those devilled
+kidneys.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Tea? no; thank you; I took a cup yesterday, and haven&#8217;t been myself
+since. Waiter! don&#8217;t you see this tankard&#8217;s empty?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Consume you, Dick Phillips! I left two birds in that pie five minutes
+back, and you&#8217;ve cleared it out!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Diawl, John Jones, I was a fool to look into a tankard after you!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span></p><p>Everything has an end, and so the breakfast had at last; and we followed
+the ladies to the terrace to watch the sailing for the ladies&#8217; challenge
+cup. By the help of a glass we could see three yachts, with about half a
+mile between each, endeavouring to get round a small boat with a man and
+a flag in it, which, as the wind was about the worst they could have had
+for the purpose, seemed no easy matter. There was no great interest in
+straining one&#8217;s eyes after them, so I found out the Phillipses, and
+having told Dawson, who was escorting Clara, that Hanmer was looking for
+him to make out the list of &#8220;the eleven,&#8221; I was very sorry indeed when
+the sound of a gun announced that the Hon. H. Chouser&#8217;s Firefly had won
+the cup, and that the other two yachts might be expected in the course
+of half an hour. Nobody waited for them, of course. The herring-boats,
+after a considerable deal of what I concluded from the emphasis to be
+swearing in Welsh, in which, however, Captain Phillips, who was umpire,
+seemed to have decidedly the advantage in variety of terms and power of
+voice, were pronounced &#8220;ready,&#8221; and started by gun-fire accordingly. A
+rare start they made of it. The great ambition of every man among them
+seemed to be to prevent the boats next in the line from starting at all.
+It was a general fouling-match, and the jabbering was terrific. At last,
+the two outside boats, having the advantage of a clear berth <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span>on one
+side, got away, and made a pretty race of it, followed by such of the
+rest as could by degrees extricate themselves from the m&ecirc;l&eacute;e.</p>
+
+<p>But now was to come our turn. Laden with all manner of good wishes, we
+hoisted a bit of dark-blue silk for the honour of Oxford, and spurted
+under the terrace to our starting-place. The only boat entered against
+us was the Dolphin, containing three stout gentlemen and a thin one,
+members of the <span style="white-space: nowrap;">B&mdash;&mdash;</span> Cutter Club, who evidently looked upon pulling as
+no joke. Branling gave us a steady stroke, and Cotton of Baliol steered
+us admirably; the rest did as well as they could. The old boys had a
+very pretty boat&mdash;ours was a tub&mdash;but we beat them. They gave us a
+stern-chase for the first hundred yards, for I cut a crab at starting;
+but we had plenty of pluck, and came in winners by a length. Of course
+we were the favourites&mdash;the &#8220;Dolphins&#8221; were all but one married&mdash;and
+hearty were the congratulations with which we were greeted on landing.
+Clara Phillips&#8217;s eyes had a most dangerous light in them, as she shook
+hands with our noble captain, who was in a terrible hurry, however, to
+get away, and hunting everywhere for &#8220;that d&mdash;&mdash;d Dawson,&#8221; who had
+promised to have Bill Thomas in readiness with &#8220;the lush.&#8221; So I was
+compelled to stay with her and give an account of the race, which she
+perfectly understood, and be soundly scolded by the prettiest lips in
+the world <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span>for my awkwardness, which she declared she never could have
+forgiven if it had lost the race.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You will come to the ball, then, Mr Hawthorne?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Am I not to dance with you?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, if you behave well, and don&#8217;t tease Mr Sydney Dawson: he is a
+great favourite of mine, and took great care of me this morning at
+breakfast.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, then, for your sake, Miss Phillips, I will be particularly civil
+to him; but I assure you, Dawson is like the fox that took a pride in
+being hunted; he considers our persecution of him as the strongest
+evidence of his own superiority; and if you seriously undertake to
+patronise him, he will become positively unbearable.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The regatta over, we retired to make a hurried dinner, and to dress for
+the ball. This, with some of our party, was a serious business.
+Willingham and Dawson were going in fancy dresses. The former was an
+admirable personification of Dick Turpin, standing upwards of six feet,
+and broadly built; and becoming his picturesque costume as if it were
+his everyday suit, he strutted before Mrs Jenkins&#8217;s best glass, which
+Hanmer charitably gave up for his accommodation, with a pardonable
+vanity. Dawson had got a lancer&#8217;s uniform from his London tailor; but
+how to get into it was a puzzle; it was delightful to see his attempts
+to unravel the gorgeous mysteries which were occupying every available
+spot in his dingy bedroom. The shako was <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span>the main stumbling-block.
+Being unfortunately rather small, it was no easy matter to keep it on
+his head at all; and how to dispose of the cap-lines was beyond our
+united wisdom. &#8220;Go without it, man,&#8221; said Branling: &#8220;people don&#8217;t want
+hats in a ball-room. You can never dance with that thing on your head.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, but the head-dress is always worn at a fancy-ball, you know, and I
+can take it off if I like to dance.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>At last the idea struck us of employing the five or six yards of gold
+cord that had so puzzled us, in securing shako and plume in a
+perpendicular position. This at length accomplished, by dint of keeping
+himself scrupulously upright, Mr Sydney Dawson majestically walked down
+stairs.</p>
+
+<h3>CHAPTER III.</h3>
+
+<p>Now, there happened to be at that time residing in Glyndewi an old lady,
+&#8220;of the name and cousinage&#8221; of Phillips, who, though an old maid, was
+one of those unhappily rare individuals who do not think it necessary to
+rail against those amusements which they are no longer in a situation to
+enjoy. She was neither as young, nor as rich, nor as light-hearted, as
+she had been; but it was difficult to imagine that she could ever have
+been more truly cheer<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span>ful and happy than she seemed now. So, instead of
+cutting short every sally of youthful spirits, and every dream of
+youthful happiness, by sagacious hints of cares and troubles to come,
+she rather lent her aid to further every innocent enjoyment among her
+younger friends; feeling, as she said, that the only pity was that young
+hearts grew old so soon. The consequence was, that, instead of exacting
+a forced deference from her many nephews and nieces (so are first
+cousins&#8217; children called in Wales), she was really loved and esteemed by
+them all; and while she never wished to deprive them of an hour&#8217;s
+enjoyment, they would willingly give up a pleasant party at any time to
+spend an evening with the old lady, and enliven her solitude with the
+sounds she best loved&mdash;the music of youthful voices.</p>
+
+<p>All among her acquaintance, therefore, who were going to the ball in
+fancy costume, had promised to call upon her, whether in or out of their
+way, to &#8220;show themselves,&#8221; willing to make her a partaker, as far as
+they could, of the amusement of the evening. Captain Phillips had asked
+us if we would oblige him, and gratify a kind old woman, by allowing him
+to introduce us in our fancy dresses. I had none, and therefore did not
+form part of the exhibition; but Dick Turpin and the cornet of lancers,
+with Branling in a full hunting-costume (which always formed part of his
+travelling baggage), walked some fifty yards to the old lady&#8217;s
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span>lodgings. Mr Plympton, always polite, accepted Captain Phillips&#8217;s
+invitation to be introduced at the same time. Now Mr Plympton, as was
+before recorded, was a remarkably dapper personage; wore hair-powder, a
+formidably tall and stiff white &#8220;choker,&#8221; and upon all occasions of
+ceremony, black shorts and silks, with gold buckles. Remarkably upright
+and somewhat pompous in his gait, and abominating the free-and-easy
+manners of the modern school, his bow would have graced the court of
+Versailles, and his step was a subdued minuet. Equipped with somewhat
+more than his wonted care, the rev. junior bursar of Oriel was
+introduced into Mrs Phillips&#8217;s little drawing-room, accompanying, and
+strongly contrasting with, three gentlemen in scarlet and gold.
+Hurriedly did the good old lady seize her spectacles, and rising to
+receive her guests with a delighted curtsy, scan curiously for a few
+moments Turpin&#8217;s athletic proportions, and the fox-hunter&#8217;s
+close-fitting leathers and tops. As for Dawson, he stood like the
+clear-complexioned and magnificently-whiskered officer, who silently
+invites the stranger to enter the doors of Madame Tussaud&#8217;s wax
+exhibition; not daring to bow for fear of losing his beloved shako, but
+turning his head from side to side as slowly, and far less naturally,
+than the waxen gentleman aforementioned. All, in their several ways,
+were worthy of admiration, and all did she seem to admire; but it was
+when her eye rested <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span>at last on the less showy, but equally
+characteristic figure in black, who stood bowing his acknowledgments of
+the honour of the interview, with an <i>empressement</i> which fully made up
+for Dawson&#8217;s forced <i>hauteur</i>&mdash;that her whole countenance glistened with
+intense appreciation of the joke, and the very spectacles danced with
+glee. Again did she make the stranger her most gracious curtsy; again
+did Mr Plympton, as strongly as a bow could do it, declare how entirely
+he was at her service: he essayed to speak, but before a word escaped
+his lips, the old lady fairly burst out into a hearty laugh, clapped her
+hands, and shouted to his astonished ears, &#8220;Capital, capital! do it
+again! oh, do it again!&#8221; For a moment the consternation depicted upon Mr
+Plympton&#8217;s countenance at this remarkable reception, extended to the
+whole of his companions; but the extraordinary sounds which proceeded
+from Captain Phillips, in the vain attempt to stifle the laugh that
+was nearly choking him, were too much for the gravity of even the
+polite Mr Dawson; and it was amidst the violent application of
+pocket-handkerchiefs in all possible ways, that the captain stepped
+forward with the somewhat tardy announcement, &#8220;My dear aunt, allow me to
+present the Rev. Mr Plympton, Fellow and Tutor of Oriel College.&#8221; This
+was accompanied by a wink and an attempt at a frown, intended to convey
+the strongest reprobation of the old lady&#8217;s proceedings; but which, upon
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span>the features of the good captain, whose risible muscles were still
+rebellious, had anything but a serious effect. &#8220;Indeed!&#8221; said she,
+curtsying yet more profoundly in return for another bow. &#8220;How do you do,
+sir? Oh, he is beautiful, isn&#8217;t he?&#8221; half-aside to Willingham, who was
+swallowing as much as he could of the butt of his whip. Poor Mr Plympton
+looked aghast at the compliment. Branling fairly turned his back, and
+burst from the room, nearly upsetting Hanmer and myself; who, having
+waited below some time for our party to join us, had made our way
+up-stairs to ascertain the cause of the unusual noises which reached us
+from the open door of the drawing-room. Dawson was shaking with reckless
+disregard of the safety of his head-dress, and the captain in an agony
+between his natural relish for a joke and his real good-breeding. &#8220;Aunt
+Martha, this is a clergyman, a friend of Mr Hanmer&#8217;s, who is on a visit
+here, and whom I introduce to you, because I know you will like him.&#8221; Mr
+Plympton commenced a fresh series of bows, in which there was, perhaps,
+less gallantry and more dignity than usual, looking all the time as
+comfortable as a gentleman might do who was debating with himself
+whether the probabilities, as regarded the old lady&#8217;s next movements,
+lay on the side of kissing or scratching. Mrs Martha Phillips herself
+commenced an incoherent apology about &#8220;expecting to see four young
+gentlemen in fancy dresses;&#8221; and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span>Hanmer and the captain tried all they
+could to laugh off a <i>contretemps</i>, which to explain was impossible.
+What the old lady took Mr Plympton for, and what Mr Plympton thought of
+her, were questions which, so far as I know, no one ventured to ask. He
+left Glyndewi the next morning; but the joke, after furnishing us with a
+never-failing fund of ludicrous reminiscence for the rest of our stay,
+followed him to the Oriel common-room, and was an era in the dulness of
+that respectable symposium.</p>
+
+<p>Dancing had begun in good earnest when we arrived at the ball-room.
+There was the usual motley assemblage of costumes of all nations under
+the sun, and some which the sun, when he put down the impudence of the
+wax-lights upon his return the next morning, must have marvelled to
+behold. Childish as it may be called, a fancy-ball is certainly, for the
+first half-hour at all events, an amusing scene. Willingham and myself
+stood a little inside the doorway for some moments, he enjoying the
+admiring glances which his fine figure and picturesque costume were well
+calculated to call forth, and I vainly endeavouring to make out Clara&#8217;s
+figure amidst the gay dresses and well-grown proportions of the pretty
+Cambrians who flitted past. Sounds of expostulation and entreaty,
+mingled with a laugh which we knew to be Branling&#8217;s, in the passage
+outside, disturbed both our meditations, and at last induced me to turn
+my eyes unwillingly to the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span>open door. Branling was leaning against it
+in a fit of uncontrollable mirth, and beckoned us earnestly to join him.
+Outside stood Dawson, stamping with vexation, and endeavouring to undo
+the complex machinery which had hitherto secured his shako in an erect
+position. He was in the unfortunate predicament of Dr <span style="white-space: nowrap;">S&mdash;&mdash;&#8217;s</span>
+candelabrum, which, presented to him as a testimony of respect from his
+grateful pupils, was found by many feet too large to be introduced into
+any room in the Dr&#8217;s comparatively humble habitation, and stood for some
+time in the manufacturer&#8217;s show-room in testimony of the fact, that
+public acknowledgments of merit are <i>sometimes</i> made on too large a
+scale. Architects who give measurements for ordinary doorways, do not
+contemplate such emergencies as testimonial candelabrums or irremovable
+caps and plumes; and the door of the Glyndewi ball-room had no notion of
+accommodating a lancer in full dress, who could not even be civil enough
+to take off his hat. So there stood our friend, impatient to display his
+uniform, and unwilling to lessen the effect of his first appearance by
+doffing so important a part of his costume: to get through the door, in
+the rigid inflexibility of head and neck which he had hitherto
+maintained, was a manifest impossibility. Branling had suggested his
+staying outside, and he would undertake to bring people to look at him;
+but Dawson, for some unaccountable reason, was usually <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span>suspicious of
+advice from that quarter; so he &#8220;stooped to conquer,&#8221; and lost all. The
+shako tumbled from its precarious perch, and hung ignobly suspended by
+the cap-lines. A lancer with a pair of grey spectacles, and a shako
+hanging round his neck, would have been a very fancy dress indeed: so he
+was endeavouring, at the risk of choking himself, to disentangle, by
+main force, the complication of knots which we had woven with some dim
+hope of the result. In vain did we exhort him to take it patiently, and
+remind him how preposterous it was to expect, that what had taken our
+united ingenuity half an hour to arrange &#8220;to please him,&#8221; could be
+undone in a minute. &#8220;Cut the cursed things, can&#8217;t you?&#8221; implored he. No
+one had a knife. &#8220;I do believe, Branling, you are tying that knot
+tighter: I had much rather not have your assistance.&#8221; Branling protested
+his innocence. At last we did release him, and he entered the room with
+a look most appropriately crest-fallen, shako in hand, solacing himself
+by displaying its glories as well as could be effected by judicious
+changes of its position.</p>
+
+<p>I soon found Clara, looking more radiantly beautiful than ever I had
+seen her, in a sweet dress of Stuart tartan. I had to make my apologies,
+which were most sincerely penitent ones, for not being in time to claim
+my privilege of dancing the first quadrille with her. She smiled at my
+evident earnestness, and good-humouredly added, that the next would <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span>be
+a much more pleasant dance, as the room was now beginning to fill. It
+was a pleasant dance, as she said; and the waltz that followed still
+more delightful; and then Clara, with a blush and a laugh, declined my
+pressing entreaties until after supper at all events. I refused her
+good-natured offer of an introduction to &#8220;that pretty girl in blue,&#8221; or
+any other among the stars of the night; and sat down, or leant against
+the wall, almost unconsciously watching her light step, and sternly
+resisting all attempts on the part of my acquaintances to persuade me to
+dance again. Of course, all the dancing characters among our party were
+Clara&#8217;s partners in succession; and both Gordon and Dawson, who came to
+ask what had put me into the sulks, were loud in their encomiums on her
+beauty and fascination; even Branling, no very devoted admirer of the
+sex (he saw too much of them, he said, having four presentable sisters),
+allowed that she was &#8220;the right sort of girl;&#8221; but it was not until I
+saw her stand up with Willingham, and marked his evident admiration of
+her, and heard the remarks freely made around me, that they were the
+handsomest couple in the room, that I felt a twinge of what I would
+hardly allow to myself was jealousy: when, however, after the dance,
+they passed me in laughing conversation, evidently in high good-humour
+with each other, and too much occupied to notice any one else, I began
+to wonder <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span>I had never before found out what a conceited puppy
+Willingham was, and set down poor Clara as an arrant flirt. But I was in
+a variable mood, it seemed, and a feather&mdash;or, what some may say is even
+lighter, a woman&#8217;s word&mdash;was enough to turn me. So when I found myself,
+by some irresistible attraction, drawn next to her again at supper, and
+heard her sweet voice, and saw what I interpreted into a smile of
+welcome, as she made room for me beside her, I forgave her all past
+offences, and was perfectly happy for the next hour; nay, even
+condescended to challenge Willingham to a glass of <i>soi-disant</i>
+champagne. The Tiger, who was, according to annual custom, displaying
+the tarnished uniform of the 3d Madras N.I., and illustrating his
+tremendous stories of the siege of Overabad, or some such place, by
+attacks on all the edibles in his neighbourhood, gave me a look of
+intelligence as he requested I would &#8220;do him the honour,&#8221; and shook his
+whiskers with some meaning which I did not think it necessary to inquire
+into. What was it to him if I chose to confine my attentions to my
+undoubtedly pretty neighbour? No one could dispute my taste, at all
+events; for Clara Phillips was a universal favourite, though I had
+remarked that none of the numerous &#8220;eligible young men&#8221; in the room
+appeared about her in the character of a dangler. She was engaged to
+Willingham for the waltz next after supper, and I felt <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span>queerish again,
+till she willingly agreed to dance the next set with me, on condition
+that I would oblige her so far as to ask a friend of hers to be my
+partner in the mean time. &#8220;She is a very nice girl, Mr Hawthorne,
+though, perhaps, not one of the <i>belles</i> of the room, and has danced but
+twice this evening, and it will be so kind in you to ask her&mdash;only don&#8217;t
+do it upon my introduction, but let Major Jones introduce you as if at
+your own request.&#8221; Let no one say that vanity, jealousy, and all those
+petty arts by which woman wrongs her better nature, are the rank growth
+necessarily engendered by the vitiated air of a ball-room; rooted on the
+same soil, warmed by the same sunshine, fed by the same shower, one
+plant shall bear the antidote and one the poison: one kind and gentle
+nature shall find exercise for all its sweetest qualities in those very
+scenes which, in another, shall foster nothing but heartless coquetry or
+unfeminine display. Never did Clara seem so lovely in mind and person as
+when she drew upon her own attractions to give pleasure to her less
+gifted friend; and, I suppose, I must have thrown into the tone of my
+reply something of what I felt; for she blushed, uttered a hasty &#8220;I
+thank you,&#8221; and told Willingham it was time to take their places. I
+sought and obtained the introduction, and endeavoured, for Clara&#8217;s sake,
+to be an agreeable partner to the quiet little girl beside me. One
+subject of conversation,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span> at all events, we hit upon, where we seemed
+both at home; and if I felt some hesitation in saying all I thought of
+Clara, my companion had none, but told me how much everybody loved her,
+and how much she deserved to be loved. It was really so much easier to
+draw my fair partner out on this point than any other, that I excused
+myself for being so eager a listener; and, when we parted, to show my
+gratitude in what I conceived the most agreeable way, I begged
+permission to introduce Mr Sydney Dawson, and thus provided her with
+what, I dare say, she considered a most enviable partner. I had told
+Dawson she was a very clever girl (he was fond of what he called
+&#8220;talented women,&#8221; and had a delusive notion that he was himself a
+genius): he had the impertinence to tell me afterwards he found her
+rather stupid; I ought, perhaps, to have given him the key-note. During
+the dance which followed, I remember I was silent and <i>distrait</i>; and
+when it was over, and Clara told me she was positively engaged for more
+sets than she should dance again, I left the ball-room, and wandered
+feverishly along the quay to our lodgings. I remember persuading myself,
+by a syllogistic process, that I was not in love, and dreaming that I
+was anxiously reading the class-list, in which it seemed unaccountable
+that my name should be omitted, till I discovered, on a second perusal,
+that just about the centre of the first class, where &#8220;Hawthorne,
+Franciscus, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span>e. <span style="white-space: nowrap;">Coll&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</span> ought to have come in, stood in large type the
+name of &#8220;<span class="smcap">Clara Phillips</span>.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The races, which occupied the morning of the next day, were as stupid as
+country races usually are, except that the Welshmen had rather more
+noise about it. The guttural shouts and yells from the throats of
+tenants and other dependants, as the &#8220;mishtua&#8217;s&#8221; horse won or lost, and
+the extraordinary terms in which they endeavoured to encourage the
+riders, were amusing even to a stranger, though one lost the point of
+the various sallies which kept the course in one continued roar. As to
+the running, everybody&mdash;that is, all the sporting world&mdash;knew perfectly
+well, long before the horses started, which was to win; that appearing
+to be the result of some private arrangement between the parties
+interested, while the &#8220;racing&#8221; was for the benefit of the strangers and
+the ladies. Those of the latter who had fathers, or brothers, or, above
+all, lovers, among the knowing ones, won divers pairs of gloves on the
+occasion, while those who were not so fortunate, lost them.</p>
+
+<p>I fancied that Clara was not in her usual spirits on the race-course,
+and she pleaded a headache as an excuse to her sister for ordering the
+carriage to drive home long before the &#8220;sport&#8221; was over. If I had
+thought the said sport stupid before, it did not improve in attraction
+after her departure; and, when the jumping in sacks, and climbing up
+poles, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span>and other calisthenic exercises began, feeling a growing disgust
+for &#8220;things in general,&#8221; I resisted the invitation of a mamma and three
+daughters, to join themselves and Mr Dawson in masticating some
+sandwiches which looked very much like &#8220;relics of joy&#8221; from last night&#8217;s
+supper, and sauntered home, and sat an hour over a cigar and a chapter
+of ethics. As the clock struck five, remembering that the Ordinary hour
+was six, I called at the Phillips&#8217; lodgings to inquire for Clara. She
+was out walking with her sister; so I returned to dress in a placid
+frame of mind, confident that I should meet her at dinner.</p>
+
+<p>For it was an Ordinary for ladies as well as gentlemen. A jovial Welsh
+baronet sat at the head of the table, with the two ladies of highest
+&#8220;consideration&#8221;&mdash;the county member&#8217;s wife and the would-have-been
+member&#8217;s daughter&mdash;on his right and left; nobody thought of politics at
+the Glyndewi regatta. Clara was there; but she was escorted into the
+room by some odious man, who, in virtue of having been made high-sheriff
+by mistake, sat next Miss Anti-reform on the chairman&#8217;s left. The
+natives were civil enough to marshal us pretty high up by right of
+strangership, but still I was barely near enough to drink wine with her.</p>
+
+<p>If a man wants a good dinner, a hearty laugh, an opportunity of singing
+songs and speech-making, and can put up with indifferent wine, let him
+go to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span>the race Ordinary at Glyndewi next year, if it still be among the
+things which time has spared. There was nothing like stiffness or
+formality: people came there for amusement, and they knew that the only
+way to get it was to make it for themselves. There seemed to be fun
+enough for half-a-dozen of the common run of such dinners, even while
+the ladies remained. It was, as Hanmer called it, an <i>extra</i>-ordinary.
+But it was when the ladies had retired, and Hanmer and a few of the
+&#8220;steady ones&#8221; had followed them, and those who remained closed up around
+the chairman, and cigars and genuine whisky began to supersede the
+questionable port and sherry, and the &#8220;Vice&#8221; requested permission to
+call on a gentleman for a song, that we began to fancy ourselves within
+the walls of some hitherto unknown college, where the &#8220;levelling system&#8221;
+had mixed up fellows and undergraduates in one common supper-party, and
+the portly principal himself rejoiced in the office of &#8220;<i>arbiter
+bibendi</i>.&#8221; Shall I confess it? I forgot even Clara in the uproarious
+mirth that followed. Two of the young Phillipses were admirable singers,
+and drew forth the hearty applause of the whole company. We got Dawson
+to make a speech, in which he waxed poetical touching the &#8220;flowers of
+Cambria,&#8221; and drew down thunders of applause by a Latin quotation, which
+every one took that means of showing that they understood. I obtained
+almost unconsciously an <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span>immortal reputation by a species of flattery to
+which the Welsh are most open. I had learnt, after no little
+application, a Welsh toast&mdash;a happy specimen of the language; it was but
+three words, but they were truly cabalistic. No sooner had I, after a
+&#8220;neat and appropriate&#8221; preface, uttered my triple Shibboleth (it ended
+in <i>rag</i>, and signified &#8220;Wales, Welshmen, and Welshwomen&#8221;), than the
+whole party rose, and cheered at me till I felt positively modest. My
+pronunciation, I believe, was perfect, (a woman&#8217;s lips and an angel&#8217;s
+voice had taught it to me): and it was indeed the Open Sesame to their
+hearts and feelings. I became at once the intimate friend of all who
+could get near enough to offer me their houses, their horses, their
+dogs&mdash;I have no doubt, had I given a hint at the moment, I might have
+had any one of their daughters. &#8220;Would I come and pay a visit at
+Abergwrnant before I left the neighbourhood? Only twenty-five miles, and
+a coach from <span style="white-space: nowrap;">B&mdash;&mdash;!&#8221;</span> &#8220;Would I, before the shooting began, come to
+Craig-y-bwldrwn, and stay over the first fortnight in September?&#8221; I
+could have quartered myself, and two or three friends, in a dozen places
+for a month at a time. And, let me do justice to the warm hospitality of
+North Wales&mdash;these invitations were renewed in the morning: and were I
+ever to visit those shores again, I should have no fear of their having
+been yet forgotten.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span></p><p>Captain Phillips had told us that, when we left the table, &#8220;the girls&#8221;
+would have some coffee for us, if not too late; and Willingham and
+myself, having taken a turn or two in the moonlight to get rid of the
+excitement of the evening, bent our steps in that direction. There were
+about as many persons assembled as the little drawing-room would hold,
+and Clara, having forgotten her headache, and looking as lovely as ever,
+was seated at a wretched piano, endeavouring to accompany herself in her
+favourite songs. Willingham and myself stood by, and our repeated
+requests for some of those melodies which, unknown to us before, we had
+learnt from her singing to admire beyond all the fashionable trash of
+the day, were gratified with untiring good-nature. Somehow I thought
+that she avoided my eye, and answered my remarks with less than her
+usual archness and vivacity. I could bear it on this evening less than
+ever; a hair will turn the scale; and I had just been, half ludicrously,
+half seriously, affected by Welsh nationality. One cannot help warming
+towards a community which are so warm-hearted among themselves. Visions
+of I know not what&mdash;love and a living, Clara and a cottage&mdash;were
+floating dreamlike before my eyes; and I felt as if borne along by a
+current whose direction might be dangerous, but which it was misery to
+resist. Willingham had turned away a minute to hunt for some missing
+book, which contained <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span>one of his favourites; and, leaning over her with
+my finger pointing to the words which she had just been singing, I said
+something about there being always a fear in happiness such as I had
+lately been enjoying, lest it might not last. For a moment she met my
+earnest look, and coloured violently; and then fixing her eyes on the
+music before her, she said quickly, &#8220;Mr Hawthorne, I thought you had a
+higher opinion of me than to make me pretty speeches; I have a great
+dislike to them.&#8221; I began to protest warmly against any intention of
+mere compliment, when the return of Willingham with his song prevented
+any renewal of the subject. I was annoyed and silent, and detected a
+tremor in her voice while she sang the words, and saw her cheek paler
+than usual. The instant the song was over, she complained with a smile
+of being tired, and, without a look at either of us, joined a party who
+were noisily recounting the events of the race-course. Nor could I again
+that evening obtain a moment&#8217;s conversation with her. She spoke to me,
+indeed, and very kindly; but once only did I catch her eye, when I was
+speaking to some one else&mdash;the glance was rapidly withdrawn, but it
+seemed rather sorrowful than cold.</p>
+
+<p>I was busy with Hanmer the next morning before breakfast, when Dick
+Phillips made his appearance, and informed us that the &#8220;strangers&#8221; had
+made up an eleven for the cricket match, and that we were <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span>to play at
+ten. He was a sort of live circular, despatched to get all parties in
+readiness.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh! I have something for you from Clara,&#8221; said he to me, as he was
+leaving; &#8220;the words of a song she promised you, I believe.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>I opened the sealed envelope, saw that it was <i>not</i> a song, and left
+Hanmer somewhat abruptly. When I was alone, I read the following:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>&#8220;<span class="smcap">Dear Mr Hawthorne</span>,&mdash;Possibly you may have been told that I
+have, before now, done things which people call strange&mdash;that
+is, contrary to some arbitrary notions which are to supersede
+our natural sense of right and wrong. But never, until now, did
+I follow the dictates of my own feelings in opposition to
+conventional rules, with the painful uncertainty as to the
+propriety of such a course, which I now feel. And if I had less
+confidence than I have in your honour and your kindness, or
+less esteem for your character, or less anxiety for your
+happiness, I would not write to you now. But I feel that, if
+you are what I wish to believe you, it is right that you should
+be at once undeceived as to my position. Others should have
+done it, perhaps&mdash;it would have spared me much. Whether your
+attentions to me are in sport or earnest, they must cease. I
+have no right to listen to such words as yours last night&mdash;my
+heart and hand are engaged to one who deserves better from me
+than the levity which alone <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span>could have placed me in the
+position from which I thus painfully extricate myself. For any
+fault on my part, I thus make bitter atonement. I wish you
+health and happiness, and now let this save us both from
+further misunderstanding.</p>
+
+<p class="right">&#8220;C.&#8221;</p></div>
+
+<p>Again and again did I read these words. Not one woman in a hundred would
+have ventured on such a step. And for what? to save me from the
+mortification of a rejection? It could be nothing else. How easy for a
+man of heartless gallantry to have written a cool note in reply,
+disclaiming &#8220;any aspiration after the honour implied,&#8221; and placing the
+warm-hearted writer in the predicament of having declined attentions
+never meant to be serious! But I felt how kindly, how gently, I had been
+treated&mdash;the worst of it was, I loved her better than ever. I wrote some
+incoherent words in reply, sufficiently expressive of my bitter
+disappointment, and my admiration of her conduct; and then I felt &#8220;that
+my occupation was gone.&#8221; She whom I had so loved to look upon, I
+trembled now to see. I had no mind to break my heart; but I felt that
+time and change were necessary to prevent it. Above all, Glyndewi was no
+place for me to forget <i>her</i> in.</p>
+
+<p>In the midst of my painful reflections on all the happy hours of the
+past week, Gordon and Willingham broke in upon me with high matter for
+consultation <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span>relative to the match. In vain did I plead sudden illness,
+and inability to play: they declared it would knock the whole thing on
+the head, for Hanmer would be sure to turn sulky, and there was an end
+of the eleven; and they looked so really chagrined at my continued
+refusals, that at length I conquered my selfishness (I had had a lesson
+in that), and, though really feeling indisposed for any exertion, went
+down with them to the ground. I was in momentary dread of seeing Clara
+arrive (for all the world was to be there), and felt nervous and
+low-spirited. The strangers&#8217; eleven was a better one than we expected,
+and they put our men out pretty fast. Hanmer got most unfortunately run
+out after a splendid hit, and begged me to go in and &#8220;do something,&#8221; I
+took my place mechanically, and lost my wicket to the first ball. We
+made a wretched score, and the strangers went in exultingly. In spite of
+Hanmer&#8217;s steady bowling, they got runs pretty fast; and an easy catch
+came into my hands just as Clara appeared on the ground, and I lost all
+consciousness of what I was about. Again the same opportunity offered,
+and again my eyes were wandering among the tents. Hanmer got annoyed,
+and said something not over civil: I was vexed myself that my
+carelessness should be the cause of disappointment twice, and yet more
+than half-inclined to quarrel with Branling, whom I overheard muttering
+about my &#8220;cursed awkwardness.&#8221; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span>We were left in a fearful minority at
+the close of the first innings, when we retired to dinner. The Glyndewi
+party and their friends were evidently disappointed. I tried to avoid
+Clara; but could not keep far from her. At last she came up with one of
+her brothers, spoke and shook hands with me, said that her brother had
+told her I was not well, and that she feared I ought not to have played
+at all. &#8220;I wish you could have beat them, Mr Hawthorne&mdash;I had bet that
+you would; perhaps you will feel better after dinner; those kind of
+headaches soon wear off,&#8221; she added with a smile and a kind look, which
+I understood as she meant it. I walked into the tent where we were to
+dine: I sat next a little man on the opposite side, an Englishman, one
+of their best players, as active as a monkey, who had caught out three
+of our men in succession. He talked big about his play, criticised
+Willingham&#8217;s batting, which was really pretty, and ended by discussing
+Clara Phillips, who was, he said, &#8220;a demned fine girl, but too much of
+her.&#8221; I disliked his flippancy before, but now my disgust to him was
+supreme. I asked the odds against us, and took them freely. There was
+champagne before me, and I drank it in tumblers. I did what even in my
+undergraduate days was rarely my habit&mdash;I drank till I was considerably
+excited. Hanmer saw it, and got the match resumed at once to save me, as
+he afterwards said, &#8220;from making a fool of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span>myself.&#8221; I insisted, in
+spite of his advice, &#8220;to cool myself,&#8221; upon going in first. My flippant
+acquaintance of the dinner-table stood <i>point</i>, and I knew, if I could
+but see the ball, and not see more than one, that I could occasionally
+&#8220;hit square&#8221; to some purpose. I had the luck to catch the first ball
+just on the rise, and it cut my friend <i>point</i> off his legs as if he had
+been shot. He limped off the ground, and we were troubled with him no
+more. I hit as I never did before, or shall again. At first I played
+wild, but as I got cool, and my sight became steady, I felt quite at
+home. The bowlers got tired, and Dick Phillips, who had no science, but
+the strength of a unicorn, was in with me half-an-hour, slashing in all
+directions. In short, the tide turned, and the match ended in our
+favour.</p>
+
+<p>I was quite sober, and free from all excitement, when I joined Clara,
+for the last time, after the game was over. &#8220;I am so glad you played so
+well,&#8221; said she; &#8220;if you are but as successful at Oxford as you have
+been at the boat-race and the cricket, you will have no reason to be
+disappointed: your career here has been one course of victory.&#8221; &#8220;Not
+altogether, Miss Phillips: the prize I shall leave behind me when I quit
+Glyndewi to-morrow, is worth more than all that I can gain.&#8221; &#8220;Mr
+Hawthorne,&#8221; said she kindly, &#8220;one victory is in your own power, and you
+will soon gain it, and be happy&mdash;the victory over yourself.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span></p><p>I made some excuse to Hanmer about letters from home, to account for my
+sudden departure. How the party got on after I left them, and what was
+the final result of our &#8220;reading,&#8221; is no part of my tale; but I fear the
+reader will search the class-lists of 18&mdash; in vain for the names of Mr
+Hanmer&#8217;s pupils.</p>
+
+<hr class="large" />
+
+<p><a name="FATHER_TOM_AND_THE_POPE" id="FATHER_TOM_AND_THE_POPE"></a>
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span></p><h2>FATHER TOM AND THE POPE;</h2>
+<h4>OR, A NIGHT AT THE VATICAN.</h4>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p><i>As related by Mr Michael Heffernan, Master of the National
+School at Tallymactaggart, in the County of Leitrim, to a
+friend, during his official visit to Dublin, for the purpose of
+studying Political Economy, in the Spring of 1838.</i></p></div>
+
+<h4>[<i>MAGA.</i> <span class="smcap">May 1838.</span>]</h4>
+
+<hr class="tiny" />
+
+<h3>CHAPTER I.</h3>
+
+<h3>HOW FATHER TOM WENT TO TAKE POT-LUCK AT THE VATICAN.</h3>
+
+<p class="n"><span style="float:left;font-size:40px;line-height:25px;padding-top:2px;padding-bottom:1px;">W</span>hen his Riv&#8217;rence was in Room, ov coorse the Pope axed him to take pot-look
+wid him. More be token, it was on a Friday; but, for all that,
+there was plenty of mate; for the Pope gev himself an absolution from
+the fast on account ov the great company that was in it&mdash;at laste so I&#8217;m
+tould. Howandiver, there&#8217;s no fast on the dhrink, anyhow&mdash;glory be to
+God!&mdash;and so, as they wor sitting, afther dinner, taking their sup
+together, says the Pope, says he, &#8220;Thomaus&#8221;&mdash;for the Pope, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span>you know,
+spakes that away, all as one as one ov uz&mdash;&#8220;Thomaus <i>a lanna</i>,&#8221; says he,
+&#8220;I&#8217;m tould you welt them English heretics out ov the face.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You may say that,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence to him again. &#8220;Be my sowl,&#8221; says
+he, &#8220;if I put your Holiness undher the table, you won&#8217;t be the first
+Pope I floored.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Well, his Holiness laughed like to split; for, you know, Pope was the
+great Prodesan that Father Tom put down upon Purgathory; and ov coorse
+they knewn all the ins and outs of the conthravarsy at Room. &#8220;Faix,
+Thomaus,&#8221; says he, smiling across the table at him mighty
+agreeable&mdash;&#8220;it&#8217;s no lie what they tell me, that yourself is the pleasant
+man over the dhrop ov good liquor.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Would you like to thry?&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Sure, and amn&#8217;t I thrying all I can?&#8221; says the Pope. &#8220;Sorra betther
+bottle ov wine&#8217;s betuxt this and Salamancha, nor&#8217;s there fornenst you on
+the table; it&#8217;s raal Lachrymalchrystal, every spudh ov it.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It&#8217;s mortial could,&#8221; says Father Tom.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, man alive,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;sure and here&#8217;s the best ov good
+claret in the cut decanther.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Not maning to make little ov the claret, your Holiness,&#8221; says his
+Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;I would prefir some hot wather and sugar, wid a glass ov
+spirits through it, if convanient.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Hand me over the bottle of brandy,&#8221; says the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span>Pope to his head butler,
+&#8220;and fetch up the materi&#8217;ls,&#8221; says he.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ah, then, your Holiness,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, mighty eager, &#8220;maybe
+you&#8217;d have a dhrop ov the native in your cellar? Sure it&#8217;s all one
+throuble,&#8221; says he, &#8220;and, troth, I dunna how it is, but brandy always
+plays the puck wid my inthrails.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8217;Pon my conscience, then,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;it&#8217;s very sorry I am,
+Misther Maguire,&#8221; says he, &#8220;that it isn&#8217;t in my power to plase you; for
+I&#8217;m sure and certaint that there&#8217;s not as much whisky in Room this
+blessed minit as &#8217;ud blind the eye ov a midge.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, in troth, your Holiness,&#8221; says Father Tom, &#8220;I knewn there was no
+use in axing; only,&#8221; says he, &#8220;I didn&#8217;t know how else to exqueeze the
+liberty I tuck,&#8221; says he, &#8220;of bringing a small taste,&#8221; says he, &#8220;of the
+real stuff,&#8221; says he, hauling out an imperi&#8217;l quart bottle out ov his
+coat-pocket; &#8220;that never seen the face of a gauger,&#8221; says he, setting it
+down on the table fornenst the Pope: &#8220;and if you&#8217;ll jist thry the full
+ov a thimble ov it, and it doesn&#8217;t rise the cockles of your Holiness&#8217;s
+heart, why then, my name,&#8221; says he, &#8220;isn&#8217;t Tom Maguire!&#8221; and wid that he
+outs wid the cork.</p>
+
+<p>Well, the Pope at first was going to get vexed at Father Tom for
+fetching dhrink that a way in his pocket, as if there wasn&#8217;t lashins in
+the house: so says he, &#8220;Misther Maguire,&#8221; says he, &#8220;I&#8217;d have you to
+comprehind the differ betuxt an inwitation <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span>to dinner from the succissor
+of Saint Pether, and from a common nagur ov a Prodesan squireen that
+maybe hasn&#8217;t liquor enough in his cupboard to wet more nor his own
+heretical whistle. That may be the way wid them that you wisit in
+Leithrim,&#8221; says he, &#8220;and in Roscommon; and I&#8217;d let you know the differ
+in the prisint case,&#8221; says he, &#8220;only that you&#8217;re a champion ov the
+Church and entitled to laniency. So,&#8221; says he, &#8220;as the liquor&#8217;s come,
+let it stay. And in throth I&#8217;m curis myself,&#8221; says he, getting mighty
+soft when he found the delightful smell ov the <i>putteen</i>, &#8220;in
+inwestigating the composition ov distilled liquors; it&#8217;s a branch ov
+natural philosophy,&#8221; says he, taking up the bottle and putting it to his
+blessed nose. Ah! my dear, the very first snuff he got ov it, he cried
+out, the dear man, &#8220;Blessed Vargin, but it has the divine smell!&#8221; and
+crossed himself and the bottle half-a-dozen times running.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, sure enough, it&#8217;s the blessed liquor now,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence,
+&#8220;and so there can be no harm any way in mixing a dandy of punch; and,&#8221;
+says he, stirring up the materi&#8217;ls wid his goolden muddler&mdash;for
+everything at the Pope&#8217;s table, to the very shcrew for drawing the
+corks, was ov vargin goold&mdash;&#8220;if I might make bould,&#8221; says he, &#8220;to spake
+on so deep a subjec afore your Holiness, I think it &#8217;ud considherably
+whacilitate the inwestigation ov its chemisthry and phwarmaceutics, if
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span>you&#8217;d jist thry the laste sup in life ov it in wardly.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, then, suppose I do make the same expiriment,&#8221; says the Pope, in a
+much more condescinding way nor you&#8217;d have expected&mdash;and wid that he
+mixes himself a real stiff facer.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Now, your Holiness,&#8221; says Father Tom, &#8220;this bein&#8217; the first time you
+ever dispinsed them chymicals,&#8221; says he, &#8220;I&#8217;ll just make bould to lay
+down one rule ov orthography,&#8221; says he, &#8220;for conwhounding them,
+<i>secundum mortem</i>.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What&#8217;s that?&#8221; says the Pope.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Put in the sperits first,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence; &#8220;and then put in the
+sugar; and remember, every dhrop ov wather you put in after that spoils
+the punch.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Glory be to God!&#8221; says the Pope, not minding a word Father Tom was
+saying. &#8220;Glory be to God!&#8221; says he, smacking his lips. &#8220;I never knewn
+what dhrink was afore,&#8221; says he. &#8220;It bates the Lachrymalchrystal out ov
+the face!&#8221; says he&mdash;&#8220;it&#8217;s Necthar itself, it is, so it is!&#8221; says he,
+wiping his epistolical mouth wid the cuff ov his coat.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8217;Pon my secret honour,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;I&#8217;m raally glad to see
+your Holiness set so much to your satiswhaction; especially,&#8221; says he,
+&#8220;as, for fear ov accidents, I tuck the liberty of fetching the fellow ov
+that small vesshel,&#8221; says he, &#8220;in my other coat-pocket. So devil a fear
+ov our running <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span>dhry till the but-end of the evening, anyhow,&#8221; says he.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Dhraw your stool in to the fire, Misther Maguire,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;for
+faix,&#8221; says he, &#8220;I&#8217;m bent on analizing the metaphwysics ov this
+phinomenon. Come, man alive, clear off,&#8221; says he, &#8220;you&#8217;re not dhrinking
+at all.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Is it dhrink?&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence; &#8220;by Gorra, your Holiness,&#8221; says he,
+&#8220;I&#8217;d dhrink wid you till the cows &#8217;ud be coming home in the morning.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>So wid that they tackled to, to the second fugee a-piece, and fell into
+larned discourse. But it&#8217;s time for me now to be off to the lecthir at
+the Boord. Oh my sorra light upon you, Docther Whateley, wid your
+pilitical econimy and your hydherastatics! What the <i>dioul</i> use has a
+poor hedge-master like me wid sich deep larning as is only fit for the
+likes ov them two that I left over their second tumbler? Howandiver,
+wishing I was like them, in regard ov the sup ov dhrink, anyhow, I must
+brake off my norration for the prisint; but when I see you again, I&#8217;ll
+tell you how Father Tom made a hare ov the Pope that evening, both in
+theology and the cube root.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span></p><h3>CHAPTER II.</h3>
+
+<h3>HOW FATHER TOM SACKED HIS HOLINESS IN THEOLOGY<br />
+AND LOGIC.</h3>
+
+<p>Well, the lecthir&#8217;s over, and I&#8217;m kilt out and out. My bitther curse
+upon the man that invinted the same Boord! I thought ons&#8217;t I&#8217;d fadomed
+the say ov throuble; and that was when I got through fractions at ould
+Mat Kavanagh&#8217;s school, in Firdramore&mdash;God be good to poor Mat&#8217;s sowl,
+though he did deny the cause the day he suffered! but it&#8217;s fluxions
+itself we&#8217;re set to bottom now, sink or shwim! May I never die if my
+head isn&#8217;t as throughother as anything wid their ordinals and
+cardinals&mdash;and, begob, it&#8217;s all nothing to the econimy lecthir that I
+have to go to at two o&#8217;clock. Howandiver, I mustn&#8217;t forget that we left
+his Riv&#8217;rence and his Holiness sitting fornenst one another in the
+parlor ov the Vatican, jist afther mixing their second tumbler.</p>
+
+<p>When they had got well down into the same, they fell, as I was telling
+you, into larned discourse. For, you see, the Pope was curious to find
+out whether Father Tom was the great theologian all out that people
+said; and says he, &#8220;Mister Maguire,&#8221; says he, &#8220;What answer do you make
+to the heretics when they quote them passidges agin thransubstantiation
+out ov the Fathers?&#8221; says he.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;as there should be no sich passidges I make
+myself mighty aisy about <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span>them; but if you want to know how I dispose ov
+them,&#8221; says he, &#8220;just repate one ov them, and I&#8217;ll show you how to
+catapomphericate it in two shakes.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why, then,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;myself disremimbers the particlar passidges
+they alledge out ov them ould felleys,&#8221; says he, &#8220;though sure enough
+they&#8217;re more numerous nor edifying&mdash;so we&#8217;ll jist suppose that a heretic
+was to find sich a saying as this in Austin, &#8216;Every sensible man knows
+that thransubstantiation is a lie,&#8217;&mdash;or this out of Tertullian or
+Plutarch, &#8216;the bishop ov Room is a common imposther,&#8217;&mdash;now tell me,
+could you answer him?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;As easy as kiss,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence. &#8220;In the first, we&#8217;re to
+understand that the exprission, &#8216;Every sinsible man,&#8217; signifies simply,
+&#8216;Every man that judges by his nath&#8217;ral sinses;&#8217; and we all know that
+nobody folleying them seven deludhers could ever find out the mysthery
+that&#8217;s in it, if somebody didn&#8217;t come in to his assistance wid an eighth
+sinse, which is the only sinse to be depended on, being the sinse ov the
+Church. So that, regarding the first quotation which your Holiness has
+supposed, it makes clane for us, and tee-totally agin the heretics.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That&#8217;s the explanation sure enough,&#8221; says his Holiness; &#8220;and now what
+div you say to my being a common imposther?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Faix, I think,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;wid all submission to the betther
+judgment ov the learned <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span>father that your Holiness has quoted, he&#8217;d have
+been a thrifle nearer the thruth, if he had said that the bishop ov Room
+is the grand imposther and top-sawyer in that line over us all.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What do you mane?&#8221; says the Pope, getting quite red in the face.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What would I mane,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, as composed as a docther ov
+physic, &#8220;but that your Holiness is at the head ov all them&mdash;troth I had
+a&#8217;most forgot I wasn&#8217;t a bishop myself,&#8221; says he (the deludher was going
+to say, as the head of all <i>uz</i>)&mdash;&#8220;that has the gift ov laying on hands.
+For sure,&#8221; says he, &#8220;imposther and <i>imposithir</i> is all one, so you&#8217;re
+only to undherstand <i>manuum</i>, and the job is done. Awouich!&#8221; says he,
+&#8220;if any heretic &#8217;ud go for to cast up sich a passidge as that agin me,
+I&#8217;d soon give him a lesson in the p&#8217;lite art ov cutting a stick to welt
+his own back wid.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8217;Pon my apostolical word,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;you&#8217;ve cleared up them two
+pints in a most satiswhacthery manner.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You see,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence&mdash;by this time they wor mixing their third
+tumbler&mdash;&#8220;the writings ov them Fathers is to be thrated wid great
+veneration; and it &#8217;ud be the height ov presumption in any one to sit
+down to interpret them widout providing himself wid a genteel assortment
+ov the best figures ov rhetoric, sich as mettonymy, hyperbol,
+cattychraysis, prolipsis, mettylipsis, superbaton, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span>pollysyndreton,
+hustheronprotheron, prosodypeia and the like, in ordher that he may
+never be at a loss for shuitable sintiments when he comes to their
+high-flown passidges. For unless we thrate them Fathers liberally to a
+handsome allowance ov thropes and figures, they&#8217;d set up heresy at
+ons&#8217;t, so they would.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It&#8217;s thrue for you,&#8221; says the Pope; &#8220;the figures ov spache is the
+pillars ov the Church.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Bedad,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;I dunna what we&#8217;d do widout them at all.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Which one do you prefir?&#8221; says the Pope; &#8220;that is,&#8221; says he, &#8220;which
+figure of spache do you find most usefullest when you&#8217;re hard set?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Metaphour&#8217;s very good,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;and so&#8217;s mettonymy&mdash;and
+I&#8217;ve known prosodypeia stand to me at a pinch mighty well&mdash;but for a
+constancy, superbaton&#8217;s the figure for my money. Devil be in me,&#8221; says
+he, &#8220;but I&#8217;d prove black white as fast as a horse &#8217;ud throt wid only a
+good stock ov superbaton.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Faix,&#8221; says the Pope, wid a sly look, &#8220;you&#8217;d need to have it backed, I
+judge, wid a small taste of assurance.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well now, jist for that word,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;I&#8217;ll prove it
+widout aither one or other. Black,&#8221; says he, &#8220;is one thing and white is
+another thing. You don&#8217;t conthravene that? But every thing is aither one
+thing or another thing; I defy <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span>the apostle Paul to get over that
+dilemma. Well! If any thing be one thing, well and good; but if it be
+another thing, then it&#8217;s plain it isn&#8217;t both things, and so can&#8217;t be two
+things&mdash;nobody can deny that. But what can&#8217;t be two things must be one
+thing,&mdash;<i>Ergo</i>, whether it&#8217;s one thing or another thing it&#8217;s all one.
+But black is one thing and white is another thing,&mdash;<i>Ergo</i>, black and
+white is all one. <i>Quod erat demonsthrandum.</i>&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Stop a bit,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;I can&#8217;t althegither give in to your second
+minor&mdash;no&mdash;your second major,&#8221; says he, and he stopped. &#8220;Faix, then,&#8221;
+says he, getting confused, &#8220;I don&#8217;t rightly remimber where it was
+exactly that I thought I seen the flaw in your premises. Howsomdiver,&#8221;
+says he, &#8220;I don&#8217;t deny that it&#8217;s a good conclusion, and one that &#8217;ud be
+ov materi&#8217;l service to the Church if it was dhrawn wid a little more
+distinctiveness.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I&#8217;ll make it as plain as the nose on your Holiness&#8217;s face, by
+superbaton,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence. &#8220;My adversary says, black is not
+another colour, that is, white? Now that&#8217;s jist a parallel passidge wid
+the one out ov Tartullian that me and Hayes smashed the heretics on in
+Clarendon Sthreet, &#8216;This is my body&mdash;that is, the figure ov my body.&#8217;
+That&#8217;s a superbaton, and we showed that it oughtn&#8217;t to be read that way
+at all, but this way, &#8216;This figure of my body <i>is</i> my body.&#8217; Jist so wid
+my adversary&#8217;s proposition, it mustn&#8217;t be undherstood the way it <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span>reads,
+by no manner of manes; but it&#8217;s to be taken this way,&mdash;&#8216;Black&mdash;that is,
+white, is not another colour,&#8217;&mdash;green, if you like, or orange, by dad,
+for anything I care, for my case is proved. &#8216;Black,&#8217; that is, &#8216;white,&#8217;
+lave out the &#8216;that,&#8217; by sinnalayphy, and you have the orthodox
+conclusion, &#8216;Black is white,&#8217; or by convarsion, &#8216;White is black.&#8217;&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It&#8217;s as clear as mud,&#8221; says the Pope.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Begad,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;I&#8217;m in great humour for disputin&#8217;
+to-night. I wisht your Holiness was a heretic jist for two minutes,&#8221;
+says he, &#8220;till you&#8217;d see the flaking I&#8217;d give you!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well then, for the fun o&#8217; the thing, suppose me my namesake, if you
+like,&#8221; says the Pope, laughing, &#8220;though, by Jayminy,&#8221; says he, &#8220;he&#8217;s not
+one that I take much pride out ov.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Very good&mdash;devil a betther joke ever I had,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence. &#8220;Come,
+then, Misther Pope,&#8221; says he, &#8220;hould up that purty face ov yours, and
+answer me this question. Which &#8217;ud be the biggest lie, if I said I seen
+a turkey-cock lying on the broad ov his back, and picking the stars out
+ov the sky, or if I was to say that I seen a gandher in the same
+intherestin&#8217; posture, raycreating himself wid similar asthronomical
+experiments? Answer me that, you ould swaddler?&#8221; says he.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;How durst you call me a swaddler, sir?&#8221; says the Pope, forgetting, the
+dear man, the part that he was acting.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Don&#8217;t think for to bully me!&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;I always daar to
+spake the truth, and it&#8217;s well known that you&#8217;re nothing but a swaddling
+ould sinner ov a saint,&#8221; says he, never letting on to persave that his
+Holiness had forgot what they were agreed on.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;By all that&#8217;s good,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;I often hard ov the imperance ov
+you Irish afore,&#8221; says he, &#8220;but I never expected to be called a saint in
+my own house either by Irishman or Hottentot. I&#8217;ll till you what,
+Misther Maguire,&#8221; says he, &#8220;if you can&#8217;t keep a civil tongue in your
+head, you had betther be walking off wid yourself; for I beg lave to
+give you to undherstand, that it won&#8217;t be for the good ov your health if
+you call me by sich an outprobrious epithet again,&#8221; says he.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, indeed! then things is come to a purty pass,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence
+(the dear funny soul that he ever was!) &#8220;when the likes of you compares
+one of the Maguires ov Tempo wid a wild Ingine! Why, man alive, the
+Maguires was kings ov Fermanagh three thousand years afore your
+grandfather, that was the first ov your breed that ever wore shoes and
+stockings&#8221; (I&#8217;m bound to say, in justice to the poor Prodesan, that this
+was all spoken by his Riv&#8217;rence by way of a figure ov spache), &#8220;was sint
+his Majesty&#8217;s arrand to cultivate the friendship of Prince Lee Boo in
+Botteney Bay! Oh Bryan dear,&#8221; says he, letting on to cry, &#8220;if you <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span>were
+alive to hear a <i>boddagh Sassenagh</i> like this casting up his counthry to
+one ov the name ov Maguire!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;In the name ov God,&#8221; says the Pope, very solemniously, &#8220;what <i>is</i> the
+maning ov all this at all at all?&#8221; says he.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Sure,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, whispering to him across the table, &#8220;sure
+you know we&#8217;re acting a conthravarsy, and you tuck the part ov the
+Prodesan champion. You wouldn&#8217;t be angry wid me, I&#8217;m sure, for sarving
+out the heretic to the best ov my ability.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh begad, I had forgot,&#8221; says the Pope, the good-natured ould crethur;
+&#8220;sure enough you were only taking your part, as a good Milesian Catholic
+ought, agin the heretic Sassenagh. Well,&#8221; says he, &#8220;fire away now, and
+I&#8217;ll put up wid as many conthroversial compliments as you plase to pay
+me.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, then, answer me my question, you santimonious ould dandy,&#8221; says
+his Riv&#8217;rence.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;In troth, then,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;I dunna which &#8217;ud be the biggest lie:
+to my mind,&#8221; says he, &#8220;the one appears to be about as big a bounce as
+the other.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Why, then, you poor simpleton,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;don&#8217;t you persave
+that, forbye the advantage the gandher &#8217;ud have in the length ov his
+neck, it &#8217;ud be next to onpossible for the turkey-cock <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span>lying thataway
+to see what he was about, by rason ov his djollars and other
+accouthrements hanging back over his eyes? The one about as big a bounce
+as the other! Oh, you misfortunate crethur! if you had ever larned your
+A B C in theology, you&#8217;d have known that there&#8217;s a differ betuxt them
+two lies so great, that, begad, I wouldn&#8217;t wondher if it &#8217;ud make a
+balance ov five years in purgathory to the sowl that &#8217;ud be in it. Ay,
+and if it wasn&#8217;t that the Church is too liberal entirely, so she is, it
+&#8217;ud cost his heirs and succissors betther nor ten pounds to have him out
+as soon as the other. Get along, man, and take half-a-year at dogmatical
+theology: go and read your Dens, you poor dunce, you!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Raally,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;you&#8217;re making the heretic&#8217;s shoes too hot to
+hould me. I wondher how the Prodesans can stand afore you at all.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Don&#8217;t think to delude me,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;don&#8217;t think to back out
+ov your challenge now,&#8221; says he, &#8220;but come to the scratch like a man, if
+you are a man, and answer me my question. What&#8217;s the rason, now, that
+Julius C&aelig;sar and the Vargin Mary was born upon the one day?&mdash;answer me
+that, if you wouldn&#8217;t be hissed off the platform?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Well, my dear, the Pope couldn&#8217;t answer it, and he had to acknowledge
+himself sacked. Then he axed his Riv&#8217;rence to tell him the rason
+himself; and Father Tom communicated it to him in Latin. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span>But as that is
+a very deep question, I never hard what the answer was, except that I&#8217;m
+tould it was so mysterious, it made the Pope&#8217;s hair stand on end.</p>
+
+<p>But there&#8217;s two o&#8217;clock, and I&#8217;ll be late for the lecthir.</p>
+
+<h3>CHAPTER III.</h3>
+
+<h3>HOW FATHER TOM MADE A HARE OF HIS HOLINESS IN LATIN.</h3>
+
+<p>Oh, Docther Whateley, Docther Whateley, I&#8217;m sure I&#8217;ll never die another
+death if I don&#8217;t die aither of consumption or production! I ever and
+always thought that asthronomy was the hardest science that was till
+now&mdash;and it&#8217;s no lie I&#8217;m telling you, the same asthronomy is a tough
+enough morsel to brake a man&#8217;s fast upon&mdash;and geolidgy is middling and
+hard too&mdash;and hydherastatics is no joke; but ov all the books of science
+that ever was opened and shut, that book upon Pilitical Econimy lifts
+the pins! Well, well, if they wait till they persuade me that taking a
+man&#8217;s rints out ov the counthry, and spinding them in forrain parts
+isn&#8217;t doing us out ov the same, they&#8217;ll wait a long time in troth. But
+you&#8217;re waiting, I see, to hear how his Riv&#8217;rence and his Holiness got on
+after finishing the disputation I was telling you of. Well, you see, my
+dear, when the Pope found he couldn&#8217;t hold a candle to Father Tom in
+theology and logic, he thought he&#8217;d <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span>take the shine out ov him in Latin
+anyhow, so says he, &#8220;Misther Maguire,&#8221; says he, &#8220;I quite agree wid you
+that it&#8217;s not lucky for us to be spaking on them deep subjects in sich
+langidges as the evil spirits is acquainted wid; and,&#8221; says he, &#8220;I think
+it &#8217;ud be no harm for us to spake from this out in Latin,&#8221; says he, &#8220;for
+fraid the devil &#8217;ud undherstand what we are saying.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Not a hair I care,&#8221; says Father Tom, &#8220;whether he undherstands what
+we&#8217;re saying or not, as long as we keep off that last pint we wor
+discussing, and one or two others. Listners never heard good ov
+themselves,&#8221; says he; &#8220;and if Belzhebub takes anything amiss that aither
+you or me says in regard ov himself or his faction, let him stand forrid
+like a man, and, never fear, I&#8217;ll give him his answer. Howandiver, if
+it&#8217;s for a taste ov classic conwersation you are, just to put us in mind
+ov ould Cordarius,&#8221; says he, &#8220;here&#8217;s at you;&#8221; and wid that he lets fly
+at his Holiness wid his health in Latin.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Vesthr&aelig; Sanctitatis salutem volo!&#8221; says he.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Vesthr&aelig; Revirinti&aelig; salubritati bibo!&#8221; says the Pope to him again
+(haith, it&#8217;s no joke, I tell you, to remimber sich a power ov larning).
+&#8220;Here&#8217;s to you wid the same,&#8221; says the Pope, in the raal Ciceronian.
+&#8220;Nunc poculum alterhum imple,&#8221; says he.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Cum omni jucunditate in vita,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span>&#8220;Cum summ&acirc;
+concupiscinti&acirc; et animositate,&#8221; says he; as much as to say, &#8220;Wid all the
+veins ov my heart, I&#8217;ll do that same;&#8221; and so wid that, they mixed their
+fourth gun a-piece.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Aqua vit&aelig; vesthra sane est liquor admirabilis,&#8221; says the Pope.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Verum est pro te,&mdash;it&#8217;s thrue for you,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, forgetting
+the idyim ov the Latin phwraseology, in a manner.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Prava est tua Latinitas, domine,&#8221; says the Pope, finding fault like wid
+his etymology.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Parva culpa mihi,&#8221; &#8220;small blame to me, that is,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence;
+&#8220;nam multum laboro in partibus interioribus,&#8221; says he&mdash;the dear man!
+that never was at a loss for an excuse!</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Quid tibi incommodi?&#8221; says the Pope, axing him what ailed him.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Habesne id quod Anglic&egrave; vocamus, a looking-glass,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Immo, habeo speculum splendidissimum subther operculum pyxidis hujus
+starnutatori&aelig;,&#8221; says the Pope, pulling out a beautiful goold snuff-box,
+wid a looking-glass in under the lid; &#8220;Subther operculum pyxidis hujus
+starnutatorii&mdash;no&mdash;starnutatori&aelig;&mdash;quam dono accepi ab Archi-duce
+Austhriaco siptuagisima pr&aelig;therit&acirc;,&#8221; says he; as much as to say that he
+got the box in a prisint from the Queen ov Spain last Lint, if I rightly
+remimber.</p>
+
+<p>Well, Father Tom laughed like to burst. At <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span>last, says he, &#8220;Pather
+Sancte,&#8221; says he, &#8220;sub errore jaces. &#8216;Looking-glass&#8217; apud nos habet
+significationem quamdam peculiarem ex tempore diei dependentem&#8221;&mdash;there
+was a sthring ov accusatives for yez!&mdash;&#8220;nam mane speculum sonat,&#8221; says
+he, &#8220;post prandium vero mat&mdash;mat&mdash;mat&#8221;&mdash;sorra be in me but I disremimber
+the classic appellivation ov the same article. Howandiver, his Riv&#8217;rence
+went on explaining himself in such a way as no scholar could mistake.
+&#8220;Vesica mea,&#8221; says he, &#8220;ab illo ultimo eversore distenditur, donc
+similis est rumpere. Verbis apertis,&#8221; says he, &#8220;Vesthr&aelig; Sanctitatis
+pr&aelig;sentia salvata, aquam facere valde desidhero.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ho, ho, ho!&#8221; says the Pope, grabbing up his box; &#8220;si inquinavisses meam
+pyxidem, excimnicari debuisses. Hillo, Anthony,&#8221; says he to his head
+butler, &#8220;fetch Misther Maguire <span style="white-space: nowrap;">a&mdash;&mdash;&#8221;</span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You spoke first!&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, jumping off his sate: &#8220;You spoke
+first in the vernacular. I take Misther Anthony to witness,&#8221; says he.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What else would you have me to do?&#8221; says the Pope, quite dogged like to
+see himself bate thataway at his own waypons. &#8220;Sure,&#8221; says he, &#8220;Anthony
+wouldn&#8217;t undherstand a B from a bull&#8217;s foot, if I spoke to him any other
+way.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, then,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;in considheration ov the
+needcessity,&#8221; says he, &#8220;I&#8217;ll let you off for this time; but mind, now,
+afther I say <i>pr&aelig;stho</i>, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span>the first of us that spakes a word of English
+is the hare&mdash;<i>pr&aelig;stho</i>!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Neither ov them spoke for near a minit, considhering wid themselves how
+they wor to begin sich a great thrial ov shkill. At last, says the
+Pope&mdash;the blessed man! only think how &#8217;cute it was ov him!&mdash;&#8220;Domine
+Maguire,&#8221; says he, &#8220;valde desidhero, certiorem fieri de significatione
+istius verbi <i>eversor</i> quo jam jam usus es&#8221;&mdash;(well, surely I <i>am</i> the
+boy for the Latin!)</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;<i>Eversor</i>, id est cyathus,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;nam apud nos
+<i>tumbleri</i>, seu eversores, dicti sunt ab evertendo ceremoniam inter
+amicos; non, ut Temperanti&aelig; Societatis frigidis fautoribus placet, ab
+evertendis ipsis potatoribus.&#8221; (It&#8217;s not every masther undher the Boord,
+I tell you, could carry such a car-load ov the dead langidges.) &#8220;In agro
+vero Louthiano et Midensi,&#8221; says he, &#8220;nomine gaudent quodam secundum
+linguam Anglicanum significante bombardam seu tormentum; quia ex eis
+tanquam ex telis jaculatoriis liquorem faucibus immittere solent. Etiam
+inter h&aelig;reticos illos melanostomos&#8221; (that was a touch of Greek).
+&#8220;Presbyterianos Septentrionales, qui sunt terribiles potatores, Cyathi
+dicti sunt <i>faceres</i>, et dimidium Cyathi <i>h&aelig;f-a-glessus</i>. Dimidium
+Cyathi vero apud Metropolitanos Hibernicos dicitur <i>dandy</i>.&#8221;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;En verbum Anglicanum!&#8221; says the Pope, clapping his hands,&mdash;&#8220;leporem te
+fecisti;&#8221; as <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span>much as to say that he had made a hare ov himself.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;<i>Dand&aelig;us, dand&aelig;us</i>, verbum erat,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence&mdash;oh, the dear man,
+but it&#8217;s himself that was handy ever and always at getting out ov a
+hobble&mdash;&#8220;<i>dand&aelig;us</i> verbum erat,&#8221; says he, &#8220;quod dicturus eram, cum me
+intherpillavisti.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ast ego dico,&#8221; says the Pope, very sharp, &#8220;quod verbum erat <i>dandy</i>.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Per tibicinem qui coram Mose modulatus est,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;id
+flagellat mundum! <i>Dand&aelig;us</i> dixi, et tu dicis <i>dandy</i>; ergo tu es lepus,
+non ego&mdash;Ah, ha! Saccavi vesthram Sanctitatem!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Mendacium est!&#8221; says the Pope, quite forgetting himself, he was so mad
+at being sacked before the sarvints.</p>
+
+<p>Well, if it hadn&#8217;t been that his Holiness was in it, Father Tom &#8217;ud have
+given him the contints of his tumbler betuxt the two eyes, for calling
+him a liar; and, in troth, it&#8217;s very well it was in Latin the offince
+was conweyed, for, if it had been in the vernacular, there&#8217;s no saying
+what &#8217;ud ha&#8217; been the consequence. His Riv&#8217;rence was mighty angry
+anyhow.&mdash;&#8220;Tu senex lathro,&#8221; says he, &#8220;quomodo audes me mendacem
+pr&aelig;dicare?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Et tu, sacrilege nebulo,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;quomodo audacitatem habeas,
+me Dei in terris vicarium, lathronem conwiciari?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Interroga circumcirca,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Abi ex &aelig;dibus meis,&#8221; says the Pope.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Abi tu in malem crucem,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Excumnicabo te,&#8221; says the Pope.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Diabolus curat,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Anathema sis,&#8221; says the Pope.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oscula meum pod,&#8221;&mdash;says his Riv&#8217;rence&mdash;but, my dear, afore he could
+finish what he was going to say, the Pope broke out into the vernacular,
+&#8220;Get out o&#8217; my house, you reprobate!&#8221; says he in sich a rage that he
+could contain himself widin the Latin no longer.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ha, ha, ha!&mdash;ho, ho, ho!&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;Who&#8217;s the hare now, your
+Holiness? Oh, by this and by that, I&#8217;ve sacked you clane! Clane and
+clever I&#8217;ve done it, and no mistake! You see what a bit ov desate will
+do wid the wisest, your Holiness&mdash;sure it was joking I was, on purpose
+to aggrawate you&mdash;all&#8217;s fair, you know, in love, law, and conthravarsy.
+In troth if I&#8217;d thought you&#8217;d have taken it so much to heart, I&#8217;d have
+put my head into the fire afore I&#8217;d have said a word to offind you,&#8221;
+says he, for he seen that the Pope was very vexed. &#8220;Sure, God forbid
+that I&#8217;d say anything agin your Holiness, barring it was in fun: for
+aren&#8217;t you the father ov the faithful, and the thrue vicar ov God upon
+earth? And amn&#8217;t I ready to go down on my two knees this blessed minit
+and beg your apostolical pardon for every word that I said to your
+displasement?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Are you in arnest that it is in fun you wor?&#8221; says the Pope.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;May I never die if I amn&#8217;t,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence. &#8220;It was all to provoke
+your Holiness to commit a brache ov the Latin that I tuck the small
+liberties I did,&#8221; says he.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I&#8217;d have you to take care,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;how you take sich small
+liberties again, or maybe you&#8217;ll provoke me to commit a brache ov the
+pace.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, and if I did,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;I know a sartain preparation
+ov chemicals that&#8217;s very good for curing a brache either in Latinity or
+frindship.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What&#8217;s that?&#8221; says the Pope, quite mollified, and sitting down again at
+the table that he had ris from in the first pluff of his indignation.
+&#8220;What&#8217;s that?&#8221; says he, &#8220;for, &#8217;pon my Epistolical &#8217;davy, I think it
+&#8217;udn&#8217;t be asy to bate this miraclous mixthir that we&#8217;ve been thrying to
+anilize this two hours back,&#8221; says he, taking a mighty scientifical swig
+out ov the bottom ov his tumbler.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It&#8217;s good for a beginning,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence; &#8220;it lays a very nate
+foundation for more sarious operation: but we&#8217;re now arrived at a pariod
+of the evening when it&#8217;s time to proceed wid our shuper-structhure by
+compass and square, like free and excipted masons as we both are.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>My time&#8217;s up for the present; but I&#8217;ll tell you the rest in the evening
+at home.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span></p><h3>CHAPTER IV.</h3>
+
+<h3>HOW FATHER TOM AND HIS HOLINESS DISPUTED IN METAPHYSICS<br />
+AND ALGEBRA.</h3>
+
+<p>God be wid the time when I went to the classical seminary ov Firdramore!
+when I&#8217;d bring my sod o&#8217; turf undher my arm, and sit down on my shnug
+boss o&#8217; straw, wid my back to the masther and my shins to the fire, and
+score my sum in Dives&#8217;s denominations or the double rule o&#8217; three, or
+play fox-and-geese wid purty Jane Cruise that sat next me, as plisantly
+as the day was long, widout any one so much as saying, &#8220;Mikey Heffernan,
+what&#8217;s that you&#8217;re about?&#8221;&mdash;for ever since I was in the one lodge wid
+poor ould Mat I had my own way in his school as free as ever I had in my
+mother&#8217;s shebeen. God be wid them days, I say again, for its althered
+times wid me, I judge, since I got under Carlisle and Whateley. Sich
+sthrictness! sich ordher! sich dhrilling, and lecthiring, and tuthoring
+as they do get on wid! I wisht to gracious the one-half of their rules
+and rigilations was sunk in the say. And they&#8217;re getting so sthrict,
+too, about having fair play for the heretic childher! We&#8217;ve to have no
+more schools in the chapels, nor masses in the schools. Oh, by this and
+by that it&#8217;ll never do at all! The ould plan was twenty times betther;
+and, for my own part, if it wasn&#8217;t that the clargy supports them in a
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span>manner, and the grant&#8217;s a thing not easily done widout these hard
+times, I&#8217;d see if I couldn&#8217;t get a sheltered spot nigh-hand the chapel,
+and set up again on the good ould principle: and faix, I think our
+Metropolitan &#8217;ud stand to me, for I know that his Grace&#8217;s motto was ever
+and always, that &#8220;Ignorance is the thrue mother ov piety.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>But I&#8217;m running away from my narrative entirely, so I am. &#8220;You&#8217;ll plase
+to ordher up the housekeeper, then,&#8221; says Father Tom to the Pope, &#8220;wid a
+pint ov sweet milk in a skillet, and the bulk ov her fist ov butther,
+along wid a dust ov soft sugar in a saucer, and I&#8217;ll show you the way of
+producing a decoction that, I&#8217;ll be bound, will hunt the thirst out ov
+every nook and corner in your Holiness&#8217;s blessed carcidge.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The Pope ordhered up the ingredients, and they were brought in by the
+head butler.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That&#8217;ll not do at all,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;the ingredients won&#8217;t
+combine in due proportion unless ye do as I bid yez. Send up the
+housekeeper,&#8221; says he, &#8220;for a faymale hand is ondispinsably necessary to
+produce the adaptation ov the particles and the concurrence ov the
+corpuscles, widout which you might boil till morning, and never fetch
+the cruds off ov it.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Well, the Pope whispered to his head butler, and by-and-by up there
+comes an ould faggot ov a <i>Caillean</i>, that was enough to frighten a
+horse from his oats.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Don&#8217;t thry for to desave me,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;for it&#8217;s no use, I
+tell yez. Send up the housekeeper, I bid yez: I seen her presarving
+gooseberries in the panthry as I came up: she has eyes as black as a
+sloe,&#8221; says he, &#8220;and cheeks like the rose in June; and sorra taste of
+this celestial mixthir shall crass the lips ov man or mortial this
+blessed night till she stirs the same up wid her own delicate little
+finger.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Misther Maguire,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;it&#8217;s very unproper ov you to spake
+that way ov my housekeeper: I won&#8217;t allow it, sir.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Honour bright, your Holiness,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, laying his hand on
+his heart.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, by this and by that, Misther Maguire,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;I&#8217;ll have
+none of your insiniwations: I don&#8217;t care who sees my whole household,&#8221;
+says he; &#8220;I don&#8217;t care if all the faymales undher my roof was paraded
+down the High Street of Room,&#8221; says he.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, it&#8217;s plain to be seen how little you care who see&#8217;s them,&#8221; says his
+Riv&#8217;rence. &#8220;You&#8217;re afeared, now, if I was to see your housekeeper, that
+I&#8217;d say she was too handsome.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No, I&#8217;m not!&#8221; says the Pope; &#8220;I don&#8217;t care who sees her,&#8221; says he.
+&#8220;Anthony,&#8221; says he to the head butler, &#8220;bid Eliza throw her apron over
+her head, and come up here.&#8221; Wasn&#8217;t that stout in the blessed man? Well,
+my dear, up she came, stepping like a three-year-old, and blushing like
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span>the brake o&#8217; day: for though her apron was thrown over her head as she
+came forrid, till you could barely see the tip ov her chin&mdash;more be
+token there was a lovely dimple in it, as I&#8217;ve been tould&mdash;yet she let
+it shlip a bit to one side, by chance like, jist as she got fornenst the
+fire, and if she wouldn&#8217;t have given his Riv&#8217;rence a shot if he hadn&#8217;t
+been a priest, it&#8217;s no matther.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Now, my dear,&#8221; says he, &#8220;you must take that skillet, and hould it over
+the fire till the milk comes to a blood-hate; and the way you&#8217;ll know
+that will be by stirring it ons&#8217;t or twice wid the little finger ov your
+right hand, afore you put in the butther: not that I misdoubt,&#8221; says he,
+&#8220;but that the same finger&#8217;s fairer nor the whitest milk that ever came
+from the tit.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;None of your deludhering talk to the young woman, sir,&#8221; says the Pope,
+mighty stern. &#8220;Stir the posset as he bids you, Eliza, and then be off
+wid yourself,&#8221; says he.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I beg your Holiness&#8217;s pardon ten thousand times,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence;
+&#8220;I&#8217;m sure I meant nothing onproper; I hope I&#8217;m uncapable ov any sich
+dirilection of my duty,&#8221; says he. &#8220;But, marciful Saver!&#8221; he cried out,
+jumping up on a suddent, &#8220;look behind you, your Holiness&mdash;I&#8217;m blest but
+the room&#8217;s on fire!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Sure enough the candle fell down that minit, and was near setting fire
+to the windy-curtains, and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span>there was some bustle, as you may suppose,
+getting things put to rights. And now I have to tell you ov a raally
+onpleasant occurrence. If I was a Prodesan that was in it, I&#8217;d say that
+while the Pope&#8217;s back was turned, Father Tom made free wid the two lips
+ov Miss Eliza; but, upon my conscience, I believe it was a mere mistake
+that his Holiness fell into on account of his being an ould man, and not
+having aither his eyesight or his hearing very parfect. At any rate it
+can&#8217;t be denied but that he had a sthrong imprission that sich was the
+case; for he wheeled about as quick as thought, jist as his Riv&#8217;rence
+was sitting down, and charged him wid the offince plain and plump. &#8220;Is
+it kissing my housekeeper before my face you are, you villain?&#8221; says he.
+&#8220;Go down out o&#8217; this,&#8221; says he to Miss Eliza; &#8220;and do you be packing off
+wid you,&#8221; he says to Father Tom, &#8220;for it&#8217;s not safe, so it isn&#8217;t, to
+have the likes ov you in a house where there&#8217;s temptation in your way.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Is it me?&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence; &#8220;why, what would your Holiness be at, at
+all? Sure I wasn&#8217;t doing no sich thing.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Would you have me doubt the evidence ov my sinses?&#8221; says the Pope;
+&#8220;would you have me doubt the testimony ov my eyes and ears?&#8221; says he.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Indeed I would so,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;if they pretend to have
+informed your Holiness ov any sich foolishness.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Why,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;I seen you afther kissing Eliza as plain as I see
+the nose on your face; I heard the smack you gave her as plain as ever I
+heard thundher.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And how do you know whether you see the nose on my face or not?&#8221; says
+his Riv&#8217;rence; &#8220;and how do you know whether what you thought was
+thundher, was thundher at all? Them operations of the sinses,&#8221; says he,
+&#8220;comprises only particular corporayal emotions, connected wid sartain
+confused perciptions called sinsations, and isn&#8217;t to be depended upon at
+all. If we were to follow them blind guides, we might jist as well turn
+heretics at ons&#8217;t. &#8217;Pon my secret word, your Holiness, it&#8217;s naither
+charitable nor orthodox ov you to set up the testimony ov your eyes and
+ears agin the characther of a clergyman. And now, see how aisy it is to
+explain all them phwenomena that perplexed you. I ris and went over
+beside the young woman because the skillet was boiling over, to help her
+to save the dhrop ov liquor that was in it; and as for the noise you
+heard, my dear man, it was neither more nor less nor myself dhrawing the
+cork out ov this blissid bottle.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Don&#8217;t offer to thrape that upon me!&#8221; says the Pope; &#8220;here&#8217;s the cork in
+the bottle still, as tight as a wedge.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I beg your pardon,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;that&#8217;s not the cork at all,&#8221;
+says he; &#8220;I dhrew the cork a good two minits ago, and it&#8217;s very purtily
+spitted <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span>on the end ov this blessed cork-shcrew at this prisint moment;
+howandiver you can&#8217;t see it, because it&#8217;s only its raal prisence that&#8217;s
+in it. But that appearance that you call a cork,&#8221; says he, &#8220;is nothing
+but the outward spacies and external qualities of the cortical nathur.
+Them&#8217;s nothing but the accidents of the cork that you&#8217;re looking at and
+handling; but, as I tould you afore, the real cork&#8217;s dhrew, and is here
+prisint on the end ov this nate little insthrument, and it was the noise
+I made in dhrawing it, and nothing else, that you mistook for the sound
+ov the <i>pogue</i>.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>You know there was no conthravening what he said; and the Pope couldn&#8217;t
+openly deny it. Howandiver he thried to pick a hole in it this way.
+&#8220;Granting,&#8221; says he, &#8220;that there is the differ you say betwixt the
+reality ov the cork and them cortical accidents, and that it&#8217;s quite
+possible, as you alledge, that the thrue cork is really prisint on the
+end ov the shcrew, while the accidents keep the mouth ov the bottle
+stopped&mdash;still,&#8221; says he, &#8220;I can&#8217;t undherstand, though willing to acquit
+you, how the dhrawing ov the real cork, that&#8217;s onpalpable and widout
+accidents, could produce the accident of that sinsible explosion I heard
+jist now.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;All I can say,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;is, that I&#8217;m sinsible it was a
+real accident, anyhow.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Ay,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;the kiss you gev Eliza, you mane.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;No,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;but the report I made.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I don&#8217;t doubt you,&#8221; says the Pope.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No cork could be dhrew with less noise,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It would be hard for anything to be less nor nothing, barring algebra,&#8221;
+says the Pope.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I can prove to the conthrary,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence. &#8220;This glass ov
+whisky is less nor that tumbler ov punch, and that tumbler of punch is
+nothing to this jug ov <i>scaltheen</i>.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Do you judge by superficial misure or by the liquid contents?&#8221; says the
+Pope.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Don&#8217;t stop me betwixt my premisses and my conclusion,&#8221; says his
+Riv&#8217;rence; &#8220;<i>Ergo</i>, this glass ov whisky is less nor nothing; and for
+that raison I see no harm in life in adding it to the contents ov the
+same jug, just by way ov a frost-nail.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Adding what&#8217;s less nor nothing,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;is subtraction
+according to algebra; so here goes to make the rule good,&#8221; says he,
+filling his tumbler wid the blessed stuff, and sitting down again at the
+table, for the anger didn&#8217;t stay two minits on him, the good-hearted
+ould sowl.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Two minuses makes one plus,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, as ready as you plase,
+&#8220;and that&#8217;ll account for the increased daycrement I mane to take the
+liberty of producing in the same mixed quantity,&#8221; says he, follying his
+Holiness&#8217;s epistolical example.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;By all that&#8217;s good,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;that&#8217;s the best stuff I ever
+tasted; you call it a mixed quantity, but I say it&#8217;s prime.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Since it&#8217;s ov the first ordher, then,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;we&#8217;ll have
+the less deffeequilty in reducing it to a simple equation.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You&#8217;ll have no fractions at my side, anyhow,&#8221; says the Pope. &#8220;Faix, I&#8217;m
+afeared,&#8221; says he, &#8220;it&#8217;s only too asy ov solution our sum is like to
+be.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Never fear for that,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;I&#8217;ve a good stock of surds
+here in the bottle; for I tell you it will take us a long time to
+exthract the root ov it, at the rate we&#8217;re going on.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What makes you call the blessed quart an irrational quantity?&#8221; says the
+Pope.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Becase it&#8217;s too much for one, and too little for two,&#8221; says his
+Riv&#8217;rence.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Clear it ov its coefficient, and we&#8217;ll thry,&#8221; says the Pope.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Hand me over the exponent, then,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What&#8217;s that?&#8221; says the Pope.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The shcrew, to be sure,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What for?&#8221; says the Pope.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;To dhraw the cork,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Sure the cork&#8217;s dhrew,&#8221; says the Pope.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But the sperits can&#8217;t get out on account of the accidents that&#8217;s stuck
+in the neck ov the bottle,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Accident ought to be passable to sperit,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;and that
+makes me suspect that the reality ov the cork&#8217;s in it afther all.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That&#8217;s a barony-masia,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;and I&#8217;m not bound to
+answer it. But the fact is, that it&#8217;s the accidents ov the sperits too
+that&#8217;s in it, and the reality&#8217;s passed out through the cortical spacies
+as you say; for, you may have observed, we&#8217;ve both been in real good
+sperits ever since the cork was dhrawn, and were else would the real
+sperits come from if they wouldn&#8217;t come out ov the bottle?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, then,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;since we&#8217;ve got the reality, there&#8217;s no
+use troubling ourselves wid the accidents.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, begad,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;the accidents is very essential too;
+for a man may be in the best ov good sperits, as far as his immaterial
+part goes, and yet need the accidental qualities ov good liquor to hunt
+the sinsible thirst out ov him.&#8221; So he dhraws the cork in earnest, and
+sets about brewing the other skillet ov <i>scaltheen</i>; but, faix, he had
+to get up the ingredients this time by the hands ov ould Molly; though
+devil a taste ov her little finger he&#8217;d let widin a yard ov the same
+decoction.</p>
+
+<p>But, my dear, here&#8217;s the <i>Freeman&#8217;s Journal</i>, and we&#8217;ll see what&#8217;s the
+news afore we finish the residuary proceedings of their two Holinesses.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span></p><h3>CHAPTER V.</h3>
+
+<h3>THE REASON WHY FATHER TOM WAS NOT MADE A CARDINAL.</h3>
+
+<p><i>Hurroo</i>, my darlings!&mdash;didn&#8217;t I tell you it &#8217;ud never do? Success to
+bould John Tuam and the ould siminary ov Firdramore! Oh, more power to
+your Grace every day you rise, &#8217;tis you that has broken their Boord into
+shivers undher your feet! Sure, and isn&#8217;t it a proud day for Ireland,
+this blessed feast ov the chair ov Saint Pether? Isn&#8217;t Carlisle and
+Whateley smashed to pieces, and their whole college of swaddling
+teachers knocked into smidhereens. John Tuam, your sowl, has tuck his
+pasthoral staff in his hand and beathen them out o&#8217; Connaught as fast as
+ever Pathrick druve the sarpints into Clew Bay. Poor ould Mat Kavanagh,
+if he was alive this day, &#8217;tis he would be the happy man. &#8220;My curse upon
+their g&#8217;ographies and Bibles,&#8221; he used to say; &#8220;where&#8217;s the use ov
+perplexing the poor childher wid what we don&#8217;t undherstand ourselves?&#8221;
+no use at all, in troth, and so I said from the first myself. Well,
+thank God and his Grace, we&#8217;ll have no more thrigonomethry nor scripther
+in Connaught. We&#8217;ll hould our lodges every Saturday night, as we used to
+do, wid our chairman behind the masther&#8217;s desk, and we&#8217;ll hear our mass
+every Sunday morning wid the blessed priest standing afore the same. I
+wisht to goodness I <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span>hadn&#8217;t parted wid my Seven Champions ov Christendom
+and Freney the Robber; they&#8217;re books that&#8217;ll be in great requist in
+Leithrim as soon as the pasthoral gets wind. Glory be to God! I&#8217;ve done
+wid their lecthirs&mdash;they may all go and be d&mdash;&mdash;d wid their consumption
+and production. I&#8217;m off to Tallymactaggart before daylight in the
+morning, where I&#8217;ll thry whether a sod or two o&#8217; turf can&#8217;t consume a
+cartload ov heresy, and whether a weekly meeting ov the lodge can&#8217;t
+produce a new thayory ov rints. But afore I take my lave ov you, I may
+as well finish my story about poor Father Tom that I hear is coming up
+to whale the heretics in Adam and Eve during the Lint.</p>
+
+<p>The Pope&mdash;and indeed it ill becomes a good Catholic to say anything agin
+him&mdash;no more would I, only that his Riv&#8217;rence was in it&mdash;but you see the
+fact ov it is, that the Pope was as envious as ever he could be, at
+seeing himself sacked right and left by Father Tom, and bate out o&#8217; the
+face, the way he was, on every science and subjec&#8217; that was started. So,
+not to be outdone altogether, he says to his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;You&#8217;re a man
+that&#8217;s fond ov the brute crayation, I hear, Misther Maguire?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I don&#8217;t deny it,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;I&#8217;ve dogs that I&#8217;m willing to
+run agin any man&#8217;s, ay, or to match them agin any other dogs in the
+world for genteel edication and polite manners,&#8221; says he.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I&#8217;ll hould you a pound,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;that <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span>I&#8217;ve a quadhruped in my
+possession that&#8217;s a wiser baste nor any dog in your kennel.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Done,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, and they staked the money.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What can this larned quadhruped o&#8217; yours do?&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It&#8217;s my mule,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;and, if you were to offer her goolden
+oats and clover off the meadows o&#8217; Paradise, sorra taste ov aither she&#8217;d
+let pass her teeth till the first mass is over every Sunday or holiday
+in the year.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, and what &#8217;ud you say if I showed you a baste ov mine,&#8221; says his
+Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;that, instead ov fasting till first mass is over only, fasts
+out the whole four-and-twenty hours ov every Wednesday and Friday in the
+week as reg&#8217;lar as a Christian?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, be asy, Masther Maguire,&#8221; says the Pope.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You don&#8217;t b&#8217;lieve me, don&#8217;t you?&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence; &#8220;very well, I&#8217;ll
+soon show you whether or no,&#8221; and he put his knuckles in his mouth, and
+gev a whistle that made the Pope stop his fingers in his ears. The
+aycho, my dear, was hardly done playing wid the cobwebs in the cornish,
+when the door flies open, and in jumps Spring. The Pope happened to be
+sitting next the door, betuxt him and his Riv&#8217;rence, and, may I never
+die, if he didn&#8217;t clear him, thriple crown and all, at one spang. &#8220;God&#8217;s
+presence be about us!&#8221; says the Pope, thinking it was an evil spirit
+come to fly away wid him for the lie that he had tould in regard ov his
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span>mule (for it was nothing more nor a thrick that consisted in grazing
+the brute&#8217;s teeth): but, seeing it was only one ov the greatest beauties
+ov a greyhound that he&#8217;d ever laid his epistolical eyes on, he soon
+recovered ov his fright, and began to pat him, while Father Tom ris and
+went to the sideboord, where he cut a slice ov pork, a slice ov beef, a
+slice ov mutton, and a slice of salmon, and put them all on a plate
+thegither. &#8220;Here, Spring, my man,&#8221; says he, setting the plate down afore
+him on the hearthstone, &#8220;here&#8217;s your supper for you this blessed Friday
+night.&#8221; Not a word more he said nor what I tell you; and, you may
+believe it or not, but it&#8217;s the blessed truth that the dog, afther jist
+tasting the salmon, and spitting it out again, lifted his nose out o&#8217;
+the plate, and stood wid his jaws wathering, and his tail wagging,
+looking up in his Riv&#8217;rence&#8217;s face, as much as to say, &#8220;Give me your
+absolution, till I hide them temptations out o&#8217; my sight.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;There&#8217;s a dog that knows his duty,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence; &#8220;there&#8217;s a
+baste that knows how to conduct himself aither in the parlour or the
+field. You think him a good dog, looking at him here; but I wisht you
+seen him on the side ov Slieve-an-Eirin! Be my soul, you&#8217;d say the hill
+was running away from undher him. Oh I wisht you had been wid me,&#8221; says
+he, never letting on to see the dog at all, &#8220;one day, last Lent, that I
+was coming from mass. Spring was near a quarther ov a mile behind me,
+for the childher was delaying him wid bread and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span>butther at the chapel
+door; when a lump ov a hare jumped out ov the plantations ov Grouse
+Lodge and ran acrass the road; so I gev the whilloo, and knowing that
+she&#8217;d take the rise ov the hill, I made over the ditch, and up through
+Mullaghcashel as hard as I could pelt, still keeping her in view, but
+afore I had gone a perch, Spring seen her, and away the two went like
+the wind, up Drumrewy, and down Clooneen, and over the river, widout his
+being able ons&#8217;t to turn her. Well, I run on till I come to the
+Diffagher, and through it I went, for the wather was low and I didn&#8217;t
+mind being wet shod, and out on the other side, where I got up on a
+ditch, and seen sich a coorse as I&#8217;ll be bound to say was never seen
+afore or since. If Spring turned that hare ons&#8217;t that day, he turned her
+fifty times, up and down, back and for&#8217;ard throughout and about. At last
+he run her right into the big quarryhole in Mullaghbawn, and when I went
+up to look for her fud, there I found him sthretched on his side, not
+able to stir a foot, and the hare lying about an inch afore his nose as
+dead as a door-nail, and divil a mark of a tooth upon her. Eh, Spring,
+isn&#8217;t that thrue?&#8221; says he. Jist at that minit the clock sthruck twelve,
+and, before you could say thrap-sticks, Spring had the plateful of mate
+consaled. &#8220;Now,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;hand me over my pound, for I&#8217;ve
+won my bate fairly.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You&#8217;ll excuse me,&#8221; says the Pope, pocketing his money, &#8220;for we put the
+clock half an hour back, out <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span>ov compliment to your Riv&#8217;rence,&#8221; says he,
+&#8220;and it was Sathurday morning afore he came up at all.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, it&#8217;s no matther,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, putting back his pound-note
+in his pocket-book, &#8220;only,&#8221; says he, &#8220;it&#8217;s hardly fair to expect a brute
+baste to be so well skilled in the science ov chronology.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>In troth his Riv&#8217;rence was badly used in the same bate, for he won it
+clever; and, indeed, I&#8217;m afeared the shabby way he was thrated had some
+effect in putting it into his mind to do what he did. &#8220;Will your
+Holiness take a blast ov the pipe?&#8221; says he, dhrawing out his dhudeen.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I never smoke,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;but I haven&#8217;t the least objection to
+the smell of the tobaccay.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh, you had betther take a dhraw,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;it&#8217;ll relish
+the dhrink, that &#8217;ud be too luscious entirely, widout something to
+flavour it.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I had thoughts,&#8221; said the Pope, wid the laste sign ov a hiccup on him,
+&#8220;ov getting up a broiled bone for the same purpose.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;a broiled bone &#8217;ud do no manner ov harm at
+this present time; but a smoke,&#8221; says he, &#8220;&#8217;ud flavour both the devil
+and the dhrink.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;What sort o&#8217; tobaccay is it that&#8217;s in it?&#8221; says the Pope.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Raal nagur-head,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence; &#8220;a very mild and salubrious
+spacies of the philosophic weed.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Then, I don&#8217;t care if I do take a dhraw,&#8221; says <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span>the Pope. Then Father
+Tom held the coal himself till his Holiness had the pipe lit; and they
+sat widout saying anything worth mentioning for about five minutes.</p>
+
+<p>At last the Pope says to his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;I dunna what gev me this plaguy
+hiccup,&#8221; says he. &#8220;Dhrink about,&#8221; says he&mdash;&#8220;Begorra,&#8221; he says, &#8220;I think
+I&#8217;m getting merrier nor&#8217;s good for me. Sing us a song, your Riv&#8217;rence,&#8221;
+says he.</p>
+
+<p>Father Tom then sung him Monatagrenoge and the Bunch o&#8217; Rushes, and
+he was mighty well pleased wid both, keeping time wid his hands, and
+joining in in the choruses, when his hiccup &#8217;ud let him. At last, my
+dear, he opens the lower buttons ov his waistcoat, and the top one of
+his waistband, and calls to Masther Anthony to lift up one ov the
+windys. &#8220;I dunna what&#8217;s wrong wid me, at all at all,&#8221; says he, &#8220;I&#8217;m
+mortial sick.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I thrust,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence, &#8220;the pasthry that you ate at dinner
+hasn&#8217;t disagreed wid your Holiness&#8217;s stomach.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Oh my! oh!&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;what&#8217;s this at all?&#8221; gasping for
+breath, and as pale as a sheet, wid a could swate bursting out
+over his forehead, and the palms ov his hands spread out to catch
+the air. &#8220;Oh my! oh my!&#8221; says he, &#8220;fetch me a basin!&mdash;Don&#8217;t spake
+to me. Oh!&mdash;oh!&mdash;blood alive!&mdash;Oh, my head, my head, hould my
+head!&mdash;oh!&mdash;ubh!&mdash;I&#8217;m poisoned!&mdash;ach!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;It was them plaguy pasthries,&#8221; says his Riv&#8217;rence. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span>&#8220;Hould his head
+hard,&#8221; says he, &#8220;and clap a wet cloth over his timples. If you could
+only thry another dhraw o&#8217; the pipe, your Holiness, it &#8217;ud set you to
+rights in no time.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Carry me to bed,&#8221; says the Pope, &#8220;and never let me see that wild Irish
+priest again. I&#8217;m poisoned by his manes&mdash;ubplsch!&mdash;ach!&mdash;ach!&mdash;He dined
+wid Cardinal Wayld yestherday,&#8221; says he, &#8220;and he&#8217;s bribed him to take me
+off. Send for a confissor,&#8221; says he, &#8220;for my latther end&#8217;s approaching.
+My head&#8217;s like to split&mdash;so it is!&mdash;Oh my! oh my!&mdash;ubplsch!&mdash;ach!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Well, his Riv&#8217;rence never thought it worth his while to make him an
+answer; but, when he seen how ungratefully he was used, afther all his
+throuble in making the evening agreeable to the ould man, he called
+Spring, and put the but-end ov the second bottle into his pocket, and
+left the house widout once wishing &#8220;Good-night, an&#8217; plaisant dhrames to
+you;&#8221; and, in troth, not one of <i>them</i> axed him to lave them a lock ov
+his hair.</p>
+
+<p>That&#8217;s the story as I heard it tould; but myself doesn&#8217;t b&#8217;lieve over
+one-half of it. Howandiver, when all&#8217;s done, it&#8217;s a shame, so it is,
+that he&#8217;s not a bishop this blessed day and hour: for, next to the
+goiant of St Jarlath&#8217;s, he&#8217;s out and out the cleverest fellow ov the
+whole jing-bang.</p>
+
+<hr class="large" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 1]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="LA_PETITE_MADELAINE" id="LA_PETITE_MADELAINE"></a>LA PETITE MADELAINE.</h2>
+
+<h3>BY MRS SOUTHEY.</h3>
+
+<h4>[<i>MAGA.</i> <span class="smcap">August 1831.</span>]</h4>
+
+<p class="n"><span style="float:left;font-size:40px;line-height:25px;padding-top:2px;padding-bottom:1px;">I</span> was surprised the other day by a visit from a strange old lady,
+brought hither to be introduced to me, at her own request, by some
+friends of mine with whom she was staying in this neighbourhood. Having
+been, I was informed, intimately acquainted, in her early years, with a
+branch of my mother&#8217;s family, to which she was distantly related, she
+had conceived a desire to see one of its latest descendants, and I was
+in consequence honoured with her visit. But if the honour done me was
+unquestionable, the motive to which I was indebted for it was not to be
+easily divined; for, truth to speak, little indication of good-will
+towards me, or of kindly feeling, was discernible in the salutation of
+my visitor, in her stiff and stately curtsy, her cold ceremonious
+expressions, and in the sharp and severe scrutiny of the keen grey eyes,
+with which she leisurely took note of me from head to foot.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 2]</a></span></p><p>Mrs Ormond&#8217;s appearance was that of a person far advanced in years;
+older than my mother would have been if still living; but her form, of
+uncommon height, gaunt, bony, and masculine, was firm and erect as in
+the vigour of life, and in perfect keeping with the hard-featured,
+deep-lined countenance, surmounted by a coiffure that, perched on the
+summit of a roll of grizzled hair, strained tight from the high and
+narrow forehead, was, with the rest of her attire, a facsimile of that
+of my great-aunt Barbara (peace be to her memory!) as depicted in a
+certain invaluable portrait of that virtuous gentlewoman, now deposited,
+for more inviolable security, in the warmest corner of the lumber-room.</p>
+
+<p>Though no believer in the influence of &#8220;the evil eye,&#8221; there was
+something in the expression of the large, prominent, light grey orbs, so
+strangely fixed upon me, that had the effect of troubling me so far, as
+to impose a degree of embarrassment and restraint on my endeavours to
+play the courteous hostess, and very much to impede all my attempts at
+conversation.</p>
+
+<p>As the likeliest means of breaking down the barrier of formality, I
+introduced the subject most calculated, it might be supposed, to awaken
+feelings of mutual interest. I spoke of my maternal ancestry&mdash;of the
+Norman blood and Norman land from which the race had sprung, and of my
+inherited <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 3]</a></span>love for the birthplace of those nearest and dearest to me in
+the last departed generation; though the daughter of an English father,
+his country was my native, as well as my &#8220;Father-land.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Mrs Ormond, though the widow of an English husband, spoke with a foreign
+accent so familiar to my ear, that, in spite of the sharp thin tones of
+the voice that uttered them, I could have fancied musical, had there
+been a gleam of kindness in her steady gaze. But I courted it in vain.
+The eyes of Freya were never fixed in more stony hardness on a rejected
+votary, than were those of my stern inspectress on my almost deprecating
+face; and her ungracious reserve baffled all my attempts at
+conversation.</p>
+
+<p>All she allowed to escape her, in reference to the Norman branches of
+our respective families, was a brief allusion to the intimacy which had
+subsisted between her mother and my maternal grandmother; and when I
+endeavoured from that slight clue to lead her farther into the family
+relations, my harmless pertinacity was rebuked by a shake of the head as
+portentous as Lord Burleigh&#8217;s, accompanied by so grim a smile, and a
+look of such undefinable meaning, as put the finishing-stroke to my
+previous bewilderment, and prevented me from recalling to mind, as I
+should otherwise have done, certain circumstances associated with a
+proper name&mdash;that of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 4]</a></span>her mother&#8217;s family, which she spoke with peculiar
+emphasis&mdash;and having done so, and in so doing (as she seemed persuaded)
+&#8220;spoken daggers&#8221; to my conscience, she signified by a stately sign to
+the ladies who had accompanied her that she was ready to depart, and,
+the carriage being announced, forthwith arose, and honouring me with a
+farewell curtsy, as formal as that which had marked her introduction,
+sailed out of the apartment, if not with swan-like grace, with much of
+that sublimer majesty of motion with which a heron on a mud-bank stalks
+deliberately on, with head erect and close depending pinions. And as if
+subjugated by the strange influence of the sharp grey eyes, bent on me
+to the last with sinister expression, unconsciously I returned my grim
+visitor&#8217;s parting salutation with so profound a curtsy, that my knees
+(all unaccustomed to such Richardsonian ceremony) had scarcely recovered
+from it, when the closing door shut out her stately figure, and it was
+not till the sound of carriage-wheels certified her final departure,
+that, recovering my own identity, I started from the statue-like posture
+in which I had remained standing after that unwonted genuflection, and
+sank back on the sofa to meditate at leisure on my strange morning
+adventure.</p>
+
+<p>My ungracious visitor had left me little cause, in truth, for pleasing
+meditation, so far as her gaunt self was immediately concerned, but a
+harsh strain,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 5]</a></span> or an ungraceful object, will sometimes (as well as the
+sweetest and most beautiful) revive a long train of interesting
+associations, and the plea alleged for her introduction to me had been
+of itself sufficient to awaken a chord of memory, whose vibration ceased
+not at her departure. On the contrary, I fell forthwith into a dreaming
+mood, that led me back to recollections of old stories, of old
+times&mdash;such as I had loved to listen to in long-past days, from those
+who had since followed in their turn the elders of our race (whose
+faithful historians they were) to the dark and narrow house appointed
+for all living.</p>
+
+<p>Who that has ever been addicted to the idle, and I fear me profitless,
+speculation of waking dreams, but may call to mind how, when the spell
+was on him, as outward and tangible things (apparently the objects of
+intent gaze) faded on the eye of sense, the inward vision
+proportionately cleared and strengthened&mdash;and circumstances long
+unremembered&mdash;names long unspoken&mdash;histories and descriptions once
+attended to with deep interest, but long passed from recollection, are
+drawn forth, as it were, from the dark recesses of the mind, at first
+like wandering atoms confused and undefined, but gradually assuming
+distinctness and consistency, till the things <i>that be</i> are to us the
+<i>unreal</i> world, and we live and move again (all intervening space a
+blank) among the things that have been?</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 6]</a></span></p><p>Far back into that shadowy region did I wander, when left as described
+by &#8220;the grim white woman,&#8221; to ponder over the few words she had
+vouchsafed to utter, and my own &#8220;thick-coming fancies.&#8221; The one proper
+name she had pronounced&mdash;that of her mother&#8217;s family&mdash;had struck on my
+ear like a familiar sound; yet&mdash;how could I have heard it? If ever, from
+one person only&mdash;from <i>my</i> dear mother&#8217;s lips&mdash;&#8220;De St Hilaire!&#8221;&mdash;again
+and again I slowly repeated to myself&mdash;and then&mdash;I scarce know how&mdash;the
+Christian name of Adrienne rose spontaneously to my lips; and no sooner
+were the two united than the spell of memory was complete, and fresh on
+my mind, as if I had heard it but yesterday, returned the whole history
+of Adrienne de St Hilaire.</p>
+
+<p>Adrienne de St Hilaire and Madelaine du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l were far-removed cousins;
+both &#8220;demoiselles de bonnes families,&#8221; residing at contiguous chateaux,
+near a small hamlet not far from Caen, in Normandy; both well born and
+well connected, but very unequally endowed with the gifts of fortune.
+Mademoiselle de St Hilaire was the only child and heiress of wealthy
+parents, both of whom were still living. Madelaine du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l, the
+youngest of seven, left in tender infancy to the guardianship of a
+widowed mother, whose scanty dower (the small family estate devolving on
+her only son) would have been insufficient for the support of herself
+and her <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 7]</a></span>younger children (all daughters), had she not continued
+mistress of her son&#8217;s house and establishment during his minority.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;La petite Madelaine&#8221; (as, being the latest born, she was long called by
+her family and friends) opened her eyes upon this mortal scene but a
+week before her father was carried to his grave, and never was poor babe
+so coldly welcomed under circumstances that should have made her doubly
+an object of tenderness.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Petite malheureuse! je me serais bien pass&eacute;e de toi,&#8221; was the maternal
+salutation, when her new-born daughter was first presented to Madame du
+R&eacute;sn&eacute;l&mdash;a cold-hearted, strong-minded woman, more absorbed in the change
+about to be operated in her own situation by her approaching widowhood,
+than by her impending bereavement of a most excellent and tender
+husband. But one precious legacy was in reserve for the forlorn infant.
+She was clasped to the heart of her dying father&mdash;his blessing was
+breathed over her, and his last tears fell on her innocent, unconscious
+face. &#8220;Mon enfant! tu ne connaitra jamais ton p&egrave;re, mais il veillera sur
+toi,&#8221; were the tender, emphatic words with which he resigned her to the
+arms of the old servant, who failed not to repeat them to her little
+charge when she was old enough to comprehend their affecting purport.
+And well and holily did la petite Madelaine treasure that saying in her
+heart <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 8]</a></span>of hearts; and early reason had the poor child to fly for comfort
+to that secret source. Madame du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l could not be accused of
+over-indulgence to any of her children&mdash;least of all to the poor little
+one whom she looked on from the first almost as an intruder; but she
+felt maternal pride in the resemblance already visible in her elder
+daughters to her own fine form and handsome features,&mdash;while la petite
+Madelaine, a small creature from her birth, though delicately and
+perfectly proportioned&mdash;fair and blue-eyed, and meek-looking as
+innocence itself, but without one feature in her face that could be
+called handsome, had the additional misfortune, when about five years
+old, to be marked&mdash;though not seamed&mdash;by the small-pox, from which cruel
+disease her life escaped almost miraculously.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Qu&#8217;elle est affreuse!&#8221; was the mother&#8217;s tender exclamation at the first
+full view of her restored child&#8217;s disfigured face. Those words, young as
+she was, went to the poor child&#8217;s heart, that swelled so to bursting, it
+might have broken, (who knows?) but for her hoarded comfort: and she
+sobbed herself to sleep that night, over and over again repeating to
+herself, &#8220;Mon papa veille sur moi.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>If there be much truth in that poetical axiom,</p>
+
+<p class="center">&#8220;A favourite has no friend,&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>it is at least as frequently evident, that even in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 9]</a></span>domestic circles the
+degree of favour shown by the head of the household to any individual
+member too often regulates the general tone of consideration; and that
+even among the urchins of the family, an instinctive perception is never
+wanting, of how far, and over whom, they may tyrannise with impunity.</p>
+
+<p>No creature in whose nature was a spark of human feeling could tyrannise
+over la petite Madelaine,&mdash;she was so gentle, so loving (when she dared
+show her love), so perfectly tractable and unoffending; but in the
+Chateau du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l no one could have passed two whole days without
+perceiving she was no favourite, except with one old servant&mdash;the same
+who had placed her in her dying father&#8217;s arms, and recorded for her his
+last precious benediction&mdash;and with her little brother, who always vowed
+to those most in his confidence, and to Madelaine herself, when her
+tears flowed for some short, sharp sorrow, that when he was a man,
+&#8220;toutes ces demoiselles&#8221;&mdash;meaning his elder sisters and
+monitresses&mdash;should go and live away where they pleased, and leave him
+and la petite Madelaine to keep house together.</p>
+
+<p>Except from these two, any one would have observed that there were
+&#8220;shortcomings&#8221; towards her; &#8220;shortcomings&#8221; of tenderness from the
+superiors of the household&mdash;&#8220;shortcomings&#8221; of observances from the
+menials; anything was good enough <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 10]</a></span>for Madelaine&mdash;any time was time
+enough for Madelaine. She had to finish wearing out all her sisters&#8217; old
+frocks and wardrobes in general, to eat the crumb of the loaf they had
+pared the crust from, and to be satisfied with half a portion of soupe
+au lait, if they had chosen to take double allowance; and, blessedly for
+la petite Madelaine, it was her nature to be satisfied with everything
+not embittered by marked and intentional unkindness. It was her nature
+to sacrifice itself for others. Might that sacrifice have been repaid by
+a return of love, her little heart would have overflowed with happiness.
+As it was, she had not yet learnt to reason upon the want of sympathy;
+she felt without analysing. She was not harshly treated,&mdash;was seldom
+found fault with, though far more rarely commended,&mdash;was admitted to
+share in her sisters&#8217; sports, with the proviso that she had no choice in
+them,&mdash;old Jeannette and le petit fr&egrave;re Armand loved her dearly; so did
+Roland, her father&#8217;s old faithful hound,&mdash;and on the whole, la petite
+Madelaine was a happy little girl.</p>
+
+<p>And happier she was, a thousand times happier, than her cousin
+Adrienne&mdash;than Adrienne de St Hilaire, the spoilt child of fortune and
+of her doting parents, who lived but in her and for her, exhausting all
+the ingenuity of love, and all the resources of wealth, in vain
+endeavours to perfect the felicity of their beautiful but heartless
+idol.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 11]</a></span></p><p>The families of St Hilaire and Du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l were, as has been mentioned,
+distantly related, and the ties of kindred were strengthened by
+similarity of faith, both professing that of the Reformed Church, and
+living on that account very much within their own circle, though on
+terms of perfect good-will with the surrounding Catholic neighbourhood.
+Mlle. de St Hilaire might naturally have been expected to select among
+the elder of her cousins her companion and intimate, their ages nearly
+assimilating with her own; but, too cold-hearted to seek for sympathy,
+too proud to brook companionship on equal terms, and too selfish and
+indolent to sacrifice any caprice, or make any exertion for the sake of
+others, she found it most convenient to patronise la petite Madelaine,
+whose gentle spirit and sweet temper insured willing though not servile
+compliance with even the unreasonable fancies of all who were kind to
+her, and whose quickness of intellect and excellent capacity more than
+fitted her for companionship with Adrienne, though the latter was six
+years her senior. Besides all, there was the pleasure of patronage&mdash;not
+the least influential motive to a proud and mean spirit, or to the heart
+of a beauty, well-nigh satiated, if that were possible, by the
+contemplation of her own perfections. When la petite Madelaine was ten
+years old, and la belle Adrienne sixteen, it therefore happened that the
+former was much oftener to be found at Chateau St <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 12]</a></span>Hilaire than at le
+Manoir du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l; for whenever the parental efforts of Monsieur and
+Madame de St Hilaire failed (and they failed too often) to divert the
+ennui and satisfy the caprices of their spoiled darling, the latter was
+wont to exclaim, in the pettish tone of peevish impatience, &#8220;Faites donc
+venir la petite Madelaine!&#8221; and the innocent charmer was as eagerly
+sought out and welcomed by the harassed parents as ever David was sought
+for by the servants of Saul, to lay with the sweet breathings of his
+harp the evil spirit that possessed their unhappy master. Something
+similar was the influence of la petite Madelaine&#8217;s nature over that of
+her beautiful cousin. No wonder that her presence could scarcely be
+dispensed with at Chateau St Hilaire. Had her own home been more a home
+of love, not all the blandishments of the kindest friends, not all the
+luxuries of a wealthy establishment, would ever have reconciled her to
+be so much separated from her nearest connections. But, alas! except
+when her services were required (and no sparing and light tasks were her
+assigned ones), she was but too welcome to bestow her companionship on
+others; and except Roland, and le petit fr&egrave;re, who was there to miss la
+petite Madelaine? And Roland was mostly her escort to St Hilaire; and on
+fine evenings, when le petit fr&egrave;re had escaped from his tutor and his
+sisters, Jeannette was easily persuaded to take him as far as the old
+mill, half-way between <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 13]</a></span>the chateaux, to meet her on her way home. Those
+were pleasant meetings. Madelaine loved often, in after-life, to talk of
+them with that dear brother, always her faithful friend. So time went
+on&mdash;Time, the traveller whose pace is so variously designated by various
+humours, is always the restless, the unpausing&mdash;till Mademoiselle de St
+Hilaire had attained the perfection of blooming womanhood&mdash;the glowing
+loveliness of her one-and-twentieth summer&mdash;and la petite Madelaine
+began to think people ought to treat her more like a woman&mdash;for was she
+not fifteen complete? Poor little Madelaine! thou hadst indeed arrived
+at that most womanly era. But, to look at that small slight form, still
+childishly attired in frock and sash, of the simplest form and homeliest
+materials&mdash;at that almost infantine face, that looked <i>more</i> youthful,
+and <i>almost</i> beautiful, when it smiled, from the effect of a certain
+dimple in the left cheek (Adrienne always insisted it was a
+pock-mark);&mdash;to look at that form and face, and the babyish curls of
+light-brown hair that hung about it quite down the little throat, and
+lay clustering on the girlish neck&mdash;who could ever have thought of
+paying thee honour due as to the dignity of confirmed womanhood?</p>
+
+<p>So it was Madelaine&#8217;s fate still to be &#8220;La petite Madelaine&#8221;&mdash;still
+nobody&mdash;that anomalous personage who plays so many parts in society,&mdash;as
+often to suit his own convenience as for that of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 14]</a></span>others; and though
+people are apt to murmur at being forced into the character, many a one
+lives to assume it willingly&mdash;as one slips off a troublesome costume at
+a masque, to take shelter under a quiet domino. As for la petite
+Madelaine, who did not care very much about the matter, though it was a
+<i>little</i> mortifying to be patted on the head, and called &#8220;bonne petite,&#8221;
+instead of &#8220;mademoiselle,&#8221; as was her undoubted right, from strangers at
+least, it was better to be <i>somebody</i> in one or two hearts (le petit
+fr&egrave;re et Jeannette) than in the mere <i>respects</i> of a hundred indifferent
+people; and as for la belle cousine, Madelaine, though on excellent
+terms with her, never dreamed of her having a heart,&mdash;one cause,
+perhaps, of their mutual good understanding; for la petite Madelaine,
+actuated by instinctive perception, felt that it would be perfectly
+irrational to expect warmth of affection from one constituted so
+differently from herself; so she went on, satisfied with the
+consciousness of giving pleasure, and with such return as was made for
+it.</p>
+
+<p>But la petite Madelaine was soon to be invested with a most important
+office; one, however, that was by no means to supersede her character of
+Nobody, but, enigmatical as it may sound, to double her usefulness in
+that capacity&mdash;while, on private and particular occasions, she was to
+enact a <i>somebody</i> of infinite consequence&mdash;that of confidante in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 15]</a></span>a
+love affair&mdash;as la belle cousine was pleased to term her <i>liaison</i> with
+a very handsome and elegant young officer, who, after some faint
+opposition on the part of her parents, was duly installed at St Hilaire
+as the accepted and acknowledged lover of its beautiful heiress. Walter
+Barnard (for he was of English birth and parentage), the youngest of
+three brothers, the elder of whom was a baronet, was most literally a
+soldier of fortune, his portion, at his father&#8217;s death, amounting to no
+more than a pair of colours in a marching regiment&mdash;and the splendid
+income thereunto annexed. But high in health and hope, and &#8220;all the
+world before him where to choose&#8221;&mdash;of high principles&mdash;simple and
+unvitiated habits&mdash;the object of the love of many friends, and the
+esteem of all his brother officers&mdash;the young man was rather disposed to
+consider his lot in life as peculiarly fortunate, till the pressure of
+disease fell heavy on him, and he rose from a sick-bed which had held
+him captive many weeks, the victim of infectious fever, so debilitated
+in constitution as to be under the necessity of obtaining leave of
+absence from his regiment, for the purpose (peremptorily insisted on by
+his physician) of seeking the perfect change of air and scene which was
+essential to effect his restoration. He was especially enjoined to try
+the influence of another climate&mdash;that of France was promptly decided
+on&mdash;not only from the proximity of that country (a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 16]</a></span>consideration of no
+small weight in the young soldier&#8217;s prudential calculations), but
+because a brother officer was about to join a part of his family then
+resident at Caen in Normandy, and the pleasure of travelling with him
+settled the point of Walter&#8217;s destination <i>so far</i>&mdash;and, as it fell out,
+even to that <i>other</i> station in the route of life, only second in
+awfulness to the &#8220;bourne from whence no traveller returns.&#8221; His English
+friends, who had been some years inhabitants of Caen, were acquainted
+with many French families in that town and its vicinity, and, among
+others, Walter was introduced by them at the Chateau de St Hilaire,
+where the Protestant English were always welcomed with marked
+hospitality. The still languishing health of the young soldier excited
+peculiar interest; he was invited to make frequent trials of the fine
+air of the chateau and its noble domain. A very few sufficed to convince
+him that it was far more salubrious than the confined atmosphere of
+Caen; and very soon the fortunate invalid was installed in all the
+rights and privileges of &#8220;L&#8217;Ami de la Maison.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Circumstances having conducted our <i>dramatis person&aelig;</i> to this point, how
+could it fall out otherwise than that the grateful Walter should fall
+desperately in love (which, by the by, he did at first sight) with la
+belle Adrienne, and that she should <i>determine</i> to fall <i>obstinately</i> in
+love with him! He, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 17]</a></span>poor fellow! in pure simplicity of heart, really
+gazed himself into a devoted passion for the youthful beauty, without
+one interested view towards the charms of the heiress. But, besides
+thinking him the handsomest man she had ever seen, she was determined in
+her choice, by knowing it was in direct opposition to the wishes of her
+parents, who had long selected for her future husband a person so every
+way unexceptionable, that their fair daughter was very likely to have
+selected him for herself, had they not committed the fatal error of
+expressing their wishes with regard to him. There was <small>PERSUASION</small> and
+<small>DISSUASION</small>&mdash;mild opposition and systematic wilfulness&mdash;a few tears, got
+up with considerable effort&mdash;vapeurs and migraines in abundance&mdash;loss of
+appetite&mdash;hints about broken hearts&mdash;and the hearts of the tender
+parents could hold out no longer&mdash;Walter Barnard was received into the
+family as the future husband of its lovely daughter.</p>
+
+<p>All this time, what had become of la petite Madelaine? What does become
+of little girls just half-way through their teens, when associated,
+under similar circumstances, with young ladies who are women grown? Why,
+they are to be patient listeners to the lover&#8217;s perfections when he is
+out of the way, and more patient companions (because perfectly unnoticed
+at such times) of the lovers&#8217; romantic walks; shivering associates (at
+discreet distance) of their tender communings on <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 18]</a></span>mossy banks, under
+willow and acacia, by pond-sides and brook-sides&mdash;by daylight, and
+twilight, and moonlight&mdash;at all seasons, and in all temperatures&mdash;so
+that by the time the pastoral concludes with matrimony, it may be
+accounted an especial mercy if the &#8220;mutual friend&#8221; is not crippled with
+the rheumatism for life, or brought into the first stage of a galloping
+consumption. No such fatal results were, however, in reserve for the
+termination of la petite Madelaine&#8217;s official duties; and those, while
+in requisition, were made less irksome to her than they are in general
+to persons so circumstanced,&mdash;in part through the happy influence of her
+own sweet nature, which always apportioned to itself some share of the
+happiness it witnessed; in part through her long-acquired habits of
+patience and self-sacrifice; and, in part also, because Walter Barnard
+was an especial favourite with her&mdash;and little wonder that he was
+so&mdash;the gay and happy young man, devoted as he was to Adrienne in all
+the absorbing interest of a first successful passion, had yet many a
+kind word and beaming smile to spare for the poor little cousin, who
+often but for him would have sat quite unnoticed at her tent-stitch,
+even in the family circle; and when she was the convenient <i>tiers</i> in
+the romantic rambles of himself and his lady-love, thanks to his
+unfailing good-nature, even then she did not feel herself utterly
+forgotten.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 19]</a></span></p><p>For even in spite of discouraging looks from la belle Adrienne, of which
+in truth he was not quick to discern the meaning, he would often linger
+to address a few words to the silent little girl, who had been tutored
+too well to speak unspoken to, or even to walk quite within ear-shot of
+her <i>soi-disant</i> companions. And when he had tenderly assisted Adrienne
+to pass over some stile or brooklet in their way, seldom it happened but
+that his hand was next at the service of Madelaine; and only those whose
+spirits have been long subdued by a sense of insignificance, impressed
+by the slighting regards or careless notice of cold friends or
+condescending patrons, can conceive the enthusiastic gratitude with
+which those trivial instances of kindness were treasured up in her
+heart&#8217;s records. So it was, that la petite Madelaine, far from wearying
+of Walter&#8217;s praises, when it pleased Adrienne to descant upon them in
+his absence, was apt to think her fair cousin did him scant justice, and
+that if she had been called on as his eulogist, oh! how far more
+eloquently could she speak! In short, la petite Madelaine, inexperienced
+as of course she was in such matters, saw with the acuteness of feeling,
+that Walter had obtained an interest only in the vanity and self-love,
+not in the heart of his fair mistress. &#8220;Poor Adrienne! she cannot help
+it, if she <i>has no</i> heart,&#8221; was Madelaine&#8217;s sage soliloquy. &#8220;Mais quel
+dommage pour ce bon Walter, qui en a tant!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 20]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Le bon Walter&#8221; might possibly have made the same discovery, had the
+unrestricted intercourse of the lovers been of long continuance; and he
+might have also ascertained another point, respecting which certain
+dubious glimmerings had begun at intervals to intrude themselves on his
+meditations <i>couleur de rose</i>,&mdash;was it possible that the moral and
+intellectual perfections of his idol <i>could</i> be less than in perfect
+harmony with her outward loveliness? The doubt was sacrilegious,
+detestable, dismissed with generous indignation, but again and again
+some demon (or was it his <i>good</i> genius?) recalled a startling frown, an
+incautious word or tone, a harsh or fretful expression from the eye and
+voice of his beloved, addressed to <i>la petite cousine</i> or to himself,
+when in lightness of spirit, and frank-hearted kindness, he had laughed
+and talked with the latter, as with a young engaging sister. And then,
+except on one topic, his passion for la belle Adrienne, and her
+transcendent charms, of which, as yet, he was ever ready to pour out the
+heart&#8217;s eloquent nonsense, somehow their conversations always
+languished. She had no eye for the natural beauties, of which he was an
+enthusiastic admirer; yawned or looked puzzled or impatient, when he
+stopped to gaze upon some glorious sunset, or violet-hued distance,
+melting into the roseate sky. And though she did not reject his offering
+of wild roses, or dewy honeysuckles, it was received with a
+half-contemptuous <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 21]</a></span>indifference, that invited no frequent renewal of the
+simple tribute; and from the date of a certain walk, when the lover&#8217;s
+keen glance observed that the bunch of wild-flowers, carelessly dropt by
+Adrienne a few minutes after he had given them to her, was furtively
+picked up by la petite Madelaine as she followed in the narrow woodpath,
+and placed as furtively within the folds of her fichu&mdash;if Monsieur
+Walter, from that time forth, pulled a wild rose from the spray, or a
+violet from the bank, it was tendered with a smile to one whose <i>hand</i>
+at least was less careless than Adrienne&#8217;s; and for her heart, that
+mattered not (farther than in brotherly kindness) to the <i>reputed</i>
+possessor of la belle St Hilaire&#8217;s. Yet, in long after days, when silver
+threads began to streak the soft fair hair of Madelaine du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l, and
+the thick black clustering curls of Walter Barnard were more than
+sprinkled with the same paly hue, he found in turning over the leaves of
+an old French romance, in which her name was inscribed, the dried,
+faded, scentless forms of what had been a few sweet wild-flowers. On the
+margin of the page, to which time had glued them, was a date, and a few
+written words. And the sight of those frail memorials, associated with
+those age-tinted characters, must have awakened tender and touching
+recollections in his heart who gazed upon them; for a watery film
+suffused his eyes as he raised them from the volume, and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 22]</a></span>turned with a
+half-pensive smile to one who sat beside him, quietly busied with her
+knitting needles in providing for his winter comfort.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Mais revenons &agrave; nos moutons.&#8221; Our present business is with the young
+lover and his fair mistress, and the still younger Madelaine. Time will
+overtake them soon enough. We need not anticipate his work. The old
+inexorable brought to a conclusion Walter&#8217;s leave of absence, just as
+certain discoveries to which we have alluded were beginning to break
+upon him; just as la belle Adrienne began to weary of playing at
+<i>parfait amour</i>, enacting the adorable to her lover, and the <i>aimable</i>
+to her cousin <i>in his presence</i>; just as Monsieur and Madame, her weak
+but worthy parents, were secretly praying for their future son-in-law&#8217;s
+departure, in the forlorn hope (as they had stipulated that even <i>les
+fian&ccedil;ailles</i> should not take place for a twelve-month to come) that some
+unexpected page might yet turn over in the chapter of accidents, whereon
+might be written the name of Jules Marquis d&#8217;Arval, instead of that of
+the landless, untitled Walter Barnard, for the husband of their
+beautiful heiress.</p>
+
+<p>Just at this critical juncture arrived the day of separation&mdash;of
+separation for a year certain! Will it be doubted that with the parting
+hour, rushed back upon Walter&#8217;s heart a flood of tenderness, even more
+impassioned than that with which it had first pledged itself to the
+beautiful Adrienne? The <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 23]</a></span>enthusiasm of his nature, acting as a stimulus
+to her apathetic temperament, communicated to her farewell so much of
+the appearance of genuine feeling, that the young soldier returned to
+his country, and to his military duties, imbued with the blissful
+assurance that, whatever unworthy doubts had been suggested occasionally
+by fallacious appearances, the heart of his fair betrothed was as
+faultless as her person, and exclusively devoted to himself. So wholly
+had the &#8220;sweet sorrow&#8221; of that farewell absorbed his every faculty, that
+it was not till he was miles from St Hilaire on his way to the coast,
+that Walter remembered la petite Madelaine; remembered that he had bid
+<span class="smcap">HER</span> no farewell; that she had slipt away to her own home the last
+evening of his stay at St Hilaire, unobserved by all but an old <i>bonne</i>,
+who was commissioned to say Mademoiselle Madelaine had a headache, and
+that she had not reappeared the next morning, the morning of his
+departure. &#8220;Dear little Madelaine! how could I forget her?&#8221; was the next
+thought to that which had recalled her. &#8220;But she shall live with us when
+we are married.&#8221; So having laid the flattering unction to his
+conscience, by that satisfactory arrangement for her future comfort, he
+&#8220;whistled her image down the wind&#8221; again, and betook himself with
+redoubled ardour to the contemplation of Adrienne.</p>
+
+<p>And where was la petite Madelaine?&mdash;What became <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 24]</a></span>of her, and what was
+she doing that livelong day? Never was she so much wanted at St
+Hilaire&mdash;to console&mdash;to support&mdash;to occupy the &#8220;fair forsaken;&#8221; and yet
+she came not. &#8220;What insensibility&mdash;what ingratitude! at such a
+time!&#8221;&mdash;exclaimed the parents of the lovely desolate&mdash;so interesting in
+her becoming character of a lone bird &#8220;reft of its mutual heart,&#8221; so
+amiable in her attempted exculpation of the neglectful Madelaine! &#8220;She
+does not mean to be unkind&mdash;to be cruel&mdash;as her conduct
+<i>seems</i>&#8221;&mdash;<i>sweetly</i> interposed the meek apologist.&mdash;&#8220;But she is
+thoughtless&mdash;<i>insouciante</i>&mdash;and you know, ch&egrave;re Maman! I always told you
+la petite Madelaine has no sensibility&mdash;Ah Ciel!&#8221;&mdash;&mdash;That mine were less
+acute!&mdash;was, of course, the implied sense of that concluding
+apostrophe&mdash;and every one will feel the eloquence of the appeal, so
+infinitely more affecting than the full-length sentence would have been.
+If vagueness is one great source of the sublime&mdash;it is also a grand
+secret in the arcana of sensibility.</p>
+
+<p>But we may remember that poor little Madelaine had slipt away to her own
+home the preceding evening, pleading a headache as the excuse for her
+evasion. Perhaps the same cause&mdash;(was it headache?) holds her still
+captive in her little chamber, the topmost chamber in the western
+pepper-box turret, four of which flank the four corners of the old
+Chateau du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l. Certain it is, from that <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 25]</a></span>same lofty lodging
+Madelaine has not stirred the livelong day&mdash;scarcely from that same
+station;&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="bbox centerbox2"><p>&#8220;There at her chamber window high,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">The lonely maiden sits&mdash;</span><br />
+Its casement fronts the western sky,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">And balmy air admits.</span><br />
+<br />
+&#8220;And while her thoughts have wandered far<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">From all she hears and sees,</span><br />
+She gazes on the evening star,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">That twinkles through the trees.&mdash;</span><br />
+<br />
+&#8220;Is it to watch the setting sun,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">She does that seat prefer?</span><br />
+Alas! the maiden thinks of one,<br />
+<span style="margin-left: 1em;">Who <i>little</i> thinks of her.&#8221;</span></p></div>
+
+<p>&#8220;Eternal fidelity&#8221;&mdash;being, of course, the first article agreed and sworn
+to in the lovers&#8217; parting covenant, &#8220;Constant correspondence,&#8221; as
+naturally came second in the list, and never was eagerness like Walter&#8217;s
+to pour out the first sorrows of absence in his first letter to the
+beloved, or impatience like his for the appearance of her answer. After
+some decorous delay&mdash;&mdash;(a <i>little</i> maiden coyness was thought decorous
+in those days)&mdash;it arrived, the delightful letter! Delightful it would
+have been to Walter, in that second effervescence of his first passion,
+had the penmanship of the fair writer been barely legible, and her
+epistolary talent not absolutely below the lowest degree of mediocrity.
+Walter (to say the truth) had felt certain involuntary misgivings on
+that subject. Himself <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 26]</a></span>not only an ardent admirer of nature, but an
+unaffected lover of elegant literature, he had been frequently mortified
+at Adrienne&#8217;s apparent indifference to the one, and seeming distaste to
+the other. Of her style of writing he had found no opportunities of
+judging. Albums were not the fashion in those days&mdash;and although, on the
+few occasions of his absence from St Hilaire after his engagement with
+Adrienne (Caen being still his ostensible place of residence), he had
+not failed to indite to her sundry billets, and even full-length
+letters, dispatched (as on a business of life and death) by bribed and
+special messengers,&mdash;either Mlle. de St Hilaire was engaged or abroad
+when they arrived&mdash;or otherwise prevented from replying; and still more
+frequently the lover trod on the heels of his despatch. So it chanced
+that he had not carried away with him one hoarded treasure of the fair
+one&#8217;s writing. And as to books&mdash;he had never detected the &#8220;dame de ses
+pens&eacute;es&#8221; in the act of reading anything more intellectual than the words
+for a new Vaudeville, or a letter from her Paris milliner. He had more
+than once proposed to read aloud to her&mdash;but either she was seized with
+a fit of unconquerable yawning before he proceeded far in his
+attempt&mdash;or the migraine, or the vapours, to which distressing ailments
+she was constitutionally subject&mdash;were sure to come on at the
+unfortunate moment of his proposition&mdash;and thus, from a combination <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 27]</a></span>of
+untoward accidents, he was not only left in ignorance of his mistress&#8217;s
+higher attainments, but at certain moments of disappointed feeling
+reduced to form conjectures on the subject, compared to which &#8220;ignorance
+was bliss;&#8221; and to some lingering doubts of the like nature, as well as
+to lover-like impatience, might be attributable the nervous trepidation
+with which he broke the seal of her first letter. That letter!&mdash;The
+first glimpse of its contents was a glimpse of Paradise!&mdash;The first
+hurried reading transported him to the seventh heaven&mdash;and the twentieth
+(of course, dispassionately critical) confirmed him in the fruition
+of its celestial beatitudes. Seriously speaking, Walter Barnard
+must have been a fool, as well as an ingrate, if he had not been
+pleased&mdash;enraptured with the sweet, modest, womanly feeling that
+breathed through every line of that dear letter. It was no long one&mdash;no
+laboured production&mdash;(though perfectly correct as to style and grammar);
+but the artless affection that evinced itself in more than one sentence
+of those two short pages, would have stamped perfection on the whole, in
+Walter&#8217;s estimation, had it not (as was the case) been throughout
+characterised by a beautiful, yet singular simplicity of expression,
+which surprised not less than it enchanted him. And then&mdash;how he
+reproached himself for the mixed emotion!&mdash;Why should it surprise him
+that Adrienne wrote thus? His was <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 28]</a></span>the inconceivable dulness&mdash;the want
+of discernment&mdash;of intuitive penetration into the intellectual depths
+of a character, veiled from vulgar eyes by the retiringness of
+self-depreciating delicacy, but which to him would gradually have
+revealed itself, if he had applied himself sedulously to unravel the
+interesting mystery.</p>
+
+<p>Thenceforward, as may well be imagined, the correspondence, so happily
+commenced, was established on the most satisfactory footing, and nothing
+could exceed the delightful interest with which Walter studied the
+beautiful parts of a character, which gradually developed itself as
+their epistolary intercourse proceeded, now enchanting him by its
+peculiar na&iuml;vet&eacute; and innocent sportiveness, now affecting him more
+profoundly, and not less delightfully, by some tone of deep feeling and
+serious sweetness, so well in unison with all the better and higher
+feelings of his own nature, that it was with more than lover-like
+fervour he thanked Heaven for his prospects of happiness with the dear
+and amiable being, whose personal loveliness had now really sunk to a
+secondary rank in his estimation of her charms. A slight shade of the
+reserve which, in his personal intercourse with Adrienne, had kept him
+so unaccountably in the dark with respect to her true character, was
+still perceptible, even in her delightful letters, but only sufficiently
+to give a more piquant interest to their correspondence. It <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 29]</a></span>was evident
+that she hung back, as it were, to take from his letters the tone of her
+replies; that on any general subject, it was for him to take the lead,
+though, having done so, whether in allusion to books, or on any topic
+connected with taste or sentiment, she was ever modestly ready to take
+her part in the discussion, with simple good sense and unaffected
+feeling. It was almost unintentionally that he made a first allusion to
+some favourite book; and the letter, containing his remark, was
+despatched before he recollected that he had once been baffled in an
+attempt to enjoy it with Adrienne by the manner (more discouraging than
+indifference) with which she received his proposition, that they should
+read it together. He wished he had not touched upon the subject.
+Adrienne, excellent as was her capacity&mdash;spiritual as were her letters,
+might not love reading. He would, if possible, have recalled his letter.
+But its happy inadvertence was no longer matter of regret when the reply
+reached him. <i>That very book</i>&mdash;his favourite poet&mdash;was Adrienne&#8217;s also!
+and more than one sweet passage she quoted from it! <i>His favourite</i>
+passages also! Was ever sympathy so miraculous! And that the dear
+diffident creature should so unaccountably have avoided, when they were
+together, all subjects that might lead to the discovery!</p>
+
+<p>The literary pretensions of the young soldier were by no means those of
+profound scholarship, of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 30]</a></span>deep reading, or even of a very regular
+education; but his tastes were decidedly intellectual, and the charm of
+his intercourse with Adrienne was in no slight degree enhanced by the
+discovery that, on all subjects with which they were mutually
+acquainted, she was fully competent to enter with equal interest.</p>
+
+<p>Absence and lengthened separation are generally allowed to be great
+tests of love, or, more properly speaking, of its truth. In Walter&#8217;s
+case, they hardly acted as such, for distance had proved to him but a
+<i>lunette d&#8217;approche</i>, bringing him acquainted with those rare qualities
+in his fair mistress which had been imperceptible during their personal
+intercourse. With what impatience, knowing her as he now did, did he
+anticipate the hour of their union! But it was with something like a
+feeling of disappointment that he remarked in her letters a degree of
+uneasiness on that tender subject, to which (as the period of separation
+drew nearer to a close) he was fain to allude more frequently and
+fondly. One other shade of alloy had crossed at intervals his pleasure
+in their correspondence. Many kind inquiries had he made for la petite
+Madelaine, and many affectionate messages had he sent her. But they were
+either wholly unnoticed, or answered in phrase the most formal and
+laconic,&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Mlle. du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l was well, obliged to Monsieur Walter for his polite
+inquiries.&mdash;Desired her compliments.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 31]</a></span></p><p>It was in vain that Walter ventured a half-sportive message in
+reply to this ceremonious return for his frank and affectionate
+remembrances&mdash;that, in playful mockery, he requested Adrienne to obtain
+for him &#8220;<i>Mademoiselle du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l&#8217;s</i> forgiveness for his temerity in
+still designating her by the familiar title of <i>La Petite Madelaine</i>.&#8221;
+The reply was, if possible, more brief and chilling&mdash;so unlike (he could
+not but remark) to that he might reasonably have expected from his
+grateful and warm-hearted little friend, that a strange surmise, or
+rather a revived suspicion, suggested itself as the possible solution
+of his conjectures. But was it possible&mdash;(Walter&#8217;s face flushed as
+bethought of his own <i>possible</i> absurdity in so suspecting)&mdash;was
+it in the nature of things&mdash;that Adrienne, the peerless, the lovely
+and beloved, should conceive one jealous thought of the poor little
+Madelaine? The supposition was almost too ridiculous to be harboured for
+a moment&mdash;and yet <i>he</i> remembered certain passages in their personal
+intercourse, when the strangeness (to use no harsher word) of Adrienne&#8217;s
+behaviour to her cousin, had awakened in him an indefinite consciousness
+that his good-humoured notice of the poor little girl, and the kind word
+he was ever prompt to speak in her praise when she was absent, were
+likely to be anything but advantageous to her in their effect on the
+feelings of her patroness. One circumstance, in particular, recurred to
+him,&mdash;the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 32]</a></span>recollection of a certain <i>jour de f&ecirc;te</i>, when la petite
+Madelaine (who had been dancing at a village gala, kept annually at the
+Manoir du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l in honour of Madame&#8217;s name-day) presented herself,
+late in the evening, at St Hilaire, so blooming from the effects of
+her recent exhilarating exercise&mdash;her meek eyes so bright with the
+excitement of innocent gaiety, and her small delicate figure and
+youthful face set off so advantageously by her simple holiday dress,
+especially by her hat, <i>&agrave; la berg&egrave;re</i>, garlanded with wild roses, that
+even the old people, M. and Mad. de St Hilaire, complimented her on her
+appearance, and himself (after whispering aside to Adrienne, &#8220;La Petite
+est jolie &agrave; ravir,&#8221;) had sprung forward, and whirled her round the salon
+in a <i>tour de danse</i>, the effect of which impromptu was assuredly not
+to lessen the bloom upon her cheeks, which flushed over neck and brow,
+as, with the laughing familiarity of a brother, he commended her tasteful
+dress, and especially the pretty hat, which she must wear, and that
+only, he assured her, when she wished to be perfectly irresistible.
+Walter&#8217;s sportive sally was soon over, and Madelaine&#8217;s flush of beauty
+(the magical effect of happiness) soon faded. Both yielded to the
+influence of another spell&mdash;that wrought by the coldly discouraging
+looks of Adrienne, and by the asperity of the few sentences, which were
+all she condescended to utter during <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 33]</a></span>the remainder of the evening. When
+la petite Madelaine reappeared the next morning with her cousin (who, on
+the plea of a migraine, remained till late in her own apartments),
+Walter failed not to remark that her eyes were red and heavy, and that
+her manner was more constrained than usual; neither did it escape his
+observation when Sunday arrived, that the tasteful little hat had been
+strangely metamorphosed, and that when he rallied her on her capricious
+love of changes, which had only spoiled what was before so becoming, she
+stole a half-fearful glance at Adrienne, while rather confusedly
+replying that &#8220;it was not her <i>own</i> doing, but that Ma&#8217;amselle Justine,
+her cousin&#8217;s femme-de-chambre, had been permitted by the latter to
+arrange it more fashionably.&#8221; The subject dropped then, and was never
+resumed; but Walter <i>then</i> made his own comments on it. And now that
+the peculiar tone of Adrienne&#8217;s letters in referring to Madelaine brought
+former circumstances vividly to mind, it is not surprising that he fell
+into a fit of musing on the <i>possibility</i>, which he yet rebuked himself
+for suspecting. It must be confessed that his reflections on the subject
+were of a less displeasing nature than those which had suggested
+themselves on former occasions, before epistolary correspondence with
+his fair betrothed had given him that insight into her character and
+feelings which, strange to say, he had failed to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 34]</a></span>obtain during their
+personal communication. Now he felt assured, that if indeed she were
+susceptible of the weakness he had dared to suspect, it was mingled with
+no unkindly feelings towards her unoffending cousin, but sprang solely
+from the peculiar sensitiveness of her nature, and the exclusive
+delicacy of her affection for himself.</p>
+
+<p>Where ever was the lover&mdash;(we say not the husband)&mdash;who could dwell but
+with tenderest indulgence on an infirmity of love so flattering to his
+own self-love and self-complacency? We suspect that Walter&#8217;s fervour was
+anything but cooled by the fancied discovery; and his doubts on the
+subject, if he still harboured any, were wholly dispelled by a
+postscript to Adrienne&#8217;s next letter, almost amounting, singular as was
+the construction, to an avowal of her own weakness.</p>
+
+<p>In the three fair pages of close writing of which that letter consisted,
+was vouchsafed no word of reply to an interrogatory&mdash;the last, he
+secretly resolved, he would ever venture on that subject&mdash;whether his
+&#8220;little cousin Madelaine,&#8221; as he had sometimes sportively called her by
+anticipation, had quite forgotten her friend Walter. But on one of the
+outside folds, evidently an after-thought, written hurriedly, and, as it
+seemed, with a trembling hand, was the following postscript:&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;La Petite Madelaine se souvient toujours du bon Walter&mdash;Comment
+f&eacute;rait-elle autrement?</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 35]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Mais, cependant, qu&#8217;il ne soit plus question d&#8217;elle dans les lettres de
+Mons. Walter.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;A most strange fancy! an unaccountable caprice of this dear
+Adrienne&#8217;s!&#8221; was Walter&#8217;s smiling soliloquy. &#8220;Some day she shall laugh
+at it with me&mdash;but for the present and for ever, be the dear one&#8217;s will
+my law.&#8221; Thenceforth &#8220;il n&#8217;&eacute;tait plus question de la Petite Madelaine&#8221;
+in Walter&#8217;s letters, and in those of Adrienne she was never more alluded
+to.</p>
+
+<p>Mademoiselle de St Hilaire&#8217;s mind was about this time engrossed by far
+more important personages than her absent lover, or her youthful friend.
+The present occupants, herself (no <i>new</i> one truly), and a certain
+Marquis d&#8217;Arval, who would probably have been her first choice, if he
+had not been the selected of her parents. Not that she had by any means
+decided on the rupture of her engagement with Walter (if indeed such a
+contingency had ever formed the subject of her private musings);
+neither, at any rate, would she have dissolved it, till his return
+should compel her to a decision. For his letters were too agreeable, too
+spiritual&mdash;too full of that sweet incense that never satiated her
+vanity, to be voluntarily relinquished.</p>
+
+<p>But in the mean time, the correspondence, piquant as it was&mdash;a charming
+<i>passe-temps</i>!&mdash;could not be expected to engross her wholly. Many vacant
+hours still hung upon her hands, wonderful to say, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 36]</a></span>in spite of those
+intellectual and elegant pursuits, the late discovery of which had so
+enraptured the unsophisticated Walter. Who so proper as the Marquis
+d&#8217;Arval, then on a visit at the Chateau,&mdash;her cousin too&mdash;besides being
+the especial favourite of her parents&mdash;(dutiful Adrienne!)&mdash;to be the
+confidential friend of la belle <i>d&eacute;laiss&eacute;e</i>?&mdash;to be in fact the
+substitute of the absent lover, in all those <i>petits soins</i> that so
+agreeably divert the ennui of a fine lady&#8217;s life, and for which the most
+sentimental correspondence can furnish no equivalent? In the article of
+<i>petits soins</i> indeed (the phrase is perfectly untranslatable), the
+merits of d&#8217;Arval were decidedly superior to those of his English
+competitor, whose English feelings and education certainly disqualified
+him for evincing that peculiar tact and nicety of judgment in all
+matters relating to female decoration and occupation, so essential in
+the <i>cavalier servente</i> of a French beauty. Though an excellent French
+scholar, Walter never could compass the nomenclature of shades and
+colours, so familiar and expressive to French tongues and tastes. He
+blundered perpetually between &#8220;rose tendre,&#8221; and &#8220;rose fonc&eacute;e;&#8221; and was
+quite at fault if referred to as arbitrator between the respective
+merits of &#8220;Boue de Paris,&#8221; or &#8220;Crapeau mort d&#8217;amour.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Achilles, in his female weeds, was never more awkward at his task than
+poor Walter, when <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 37]</a></span>appointed, by especial favour, to the office of
+arranging the ribbon collar, or combing the silken mane and ruffled paws
+of Silvie, Adrienne&#8217;s little <i>chien lion</i>. And though ready enough (as
+we have seen) to importune his mistress with worthless offerings of
+paltry wild-flowers, it never entered his simple fancy to present her
+with small, compact bouquets, sentimentally and scientifically combined
+(the pens&eacute;e never omitted, if in season), the stems wound together with
+silk of appropriate hue, or wrapped round with a motto, or well-turned
+couplet. In these, and all accomplishments of a similar nature, Walter
+Barnard&#8217;s genius was immeasurably distanced by that of the Marquis
+d&#8217;Arval.</p>
+
+<p>The latter was also peculiarly interesting in his character of a
+despairing lover; and his attentions were particularly well-timed, at a
+season when the absence of the happy lover had made a vacuum in the life
+(of course not the <i>heart</i>) of Adrienne, who on her part was actuated by
+motives of pure humanity in consoling d&#8217;Arval (as far as circumstances
+permitted) for the success of his rival, by proofs of her warmest
+friendship and tenderest commiseration.</p>
+
+<p>Since the Marquis&#8217;s arrival at St Hilaire, his universal genius had in
+great measure superseded la petite Madelaine in her office of exorcist
+to the demon of ennui, her fair cousin&#8217;s relentless persecutor. She was
+therefore less frequently, or rather less <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 38]</a></span>constantly, at the
+Chateau&mdash;though still summoned to secret conference in Adrienne&#8217;s
+boudoir, and often detained there for hours by consultations or
+occupations of that private and confidential nature, so interesting to
+the generality of young ladies who have lovers in their hearts or heads,
+though the details might be insipid to the general reader, if it were
+even allowable to reveal mysteries little less sacred than the
+Eleusinian.</p>
+
+<p>It might have been inferred, however, that la petite Madelaine was but
+an unwilling sharer of those secret conferences; for she often retired
+from them with looks of more grave and even careful expression, than
+were well in character with the youthful countenance, and an air of
+dejection that ill suited the recent listener to a happy love-tale. And
+when her services (whatever were their nature) were no longer required,
+Adrienne evinced no inclination to detain her at St Hilaire.</p>
+
+<p>She was still, however, politely and even kindly welcomed by the owners
+of the Chateau; but when no longer necessary to the contentment of their
+idolised daughter, the absence or presence of la petite Madelaine became
+to them a matter of the utmost indifference, and by degrees she became
+painfully sensible that there is a wide difference in being accounted
+<i>nobody</i> with respect to our individual consequence, or in relation to
+our capabilities for contributing, however humbly, to the comfort <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 39]</a></span>and
+happiness of others. To the first species of insignificance Madelaine
+had been early accustomed, and easily reconciled; but the second pressed
+heavily on her young heart&mdash;and perhaps the more so, at St Hilaire, for
+the perpetually recurring thoughts of a time still recent&mdash;(&#8220;the happy
+time,&#8221; as that poor girl accounted it in her scant experience of
+happiness)&mdash;when she had a friend there who, however his heart was
+devoted to her cousin, had never missed an occasion of showing kindness
+to herself, and of evincing to her, by those attentions which pass
+unnoticed when accepted as a due, but are so precious to persons
+situated as was la petite Madelaine, that to him at least her pains and
+pleasures, her tastes, her feelings, and her welfare, were by no means
+indifferent or unimportant. The dew of kindness never falls on any soil
+so grateful as the young heart unaccustomed to its genial influence.
+After-benefits, more weighty and important, fail not in noble natures to
+inspire commensurate gratitude&mdash;but they cannot call forth that burst of
+enthusiastic feeling, awakened by the first experienced kindness, like
+the sudden verdure of a dry seed-bed called into life and luxuriance by
+the first warm shower of spring.</p>
+
+<p>La petite Madelaine&#8217;s natural home was at no time, as has been observed,
+a very happy one to her. And now that it was more her home than for some
+years it had been, time had wrought no <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 40]</a></span>favourable change in her
+circumstances there. Time had not infused more tenderness towards her
+into the maternal feelings of Madame du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l&mdash;though it had worked its
+usual effect of increasing the worldliness, and hardening the hardness,
+of her nature. Time had not dulcified the tempers of the three elder
+Mademoiselles du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l, by providing with husbands the two cadettes
+between them and Madelaine. And time had cruelly curtailed the few home
+joys of the poor Madelaine, by sending le petit fr&egrave;re to college, and by
+delivering up to his great receiver, Death&mdash;her only other friend&mdash;the
+faithful and affectionate Jeannette. Of the few that had once loved her
+in her father&#8217;s house, only the old dog was left to welcome her more
+permanent abode there; and one would have thought he was sensible of the
+added responsibilities death and absence had devolved upon him.
+Forsaking his long-accustomed place on the sunny pavement of the south
+stone courtyard, he established himself at the door of the salon if she
+was within it, himself not being privileged to enter there&mdash;or with his
+young mistress in her own little turret-chamber, where he had all
+<i>entr&eacute;es</i>&mdash;or even to her favourite arbour in the garden he contrived to
+creep with her, though his old limbs were too feeble to accompany her
+beyond that short distance. And when they were alone together, he would
+look up in her face with such a &#8220;human meaning&#8221; in his dim eyes, as
+spoke to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 41]</a></span>Madelaine&#8217;s heart, as plainly and more affectingly than words
+could have spoken&mdash;&#8220;I only am left to love my master&#8217;s daughter, and who
+but she cares for old Roland?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>In the mean time, Walter&#8217;s year of probation was fast drawing to a
+close; and his return to St Hilaire, and all thereon depending, was
+looked forward to with very different feelings by himself (the happy
+expectant!) by the inhabitants of the Chateau, and by its still
+occasional inmate, the little Maiden of the Manoir, whose meditations on
+the subject were not the less frequent and profound, because to her it
+was obviously one of little personal interest. Monsieur and Madame de St
+Hilaire had watched with intense anxiety the fancied progress of the
+Marquis d&#8217;Arval in supplanting the absent Walter in the affections of
+their daughter. But experience had taught them that the surest means of
+effecting their wishes was to refrain from expressing them to the
+dutiful Adrienne. So they looked on, and kept silence, with hopes that
+became fainter as the decisive period approached, and they observed that
+the lovers&#8217; correspondence was unslackened, and the Marquis made no
+interesting communication to them of that success on his part which, he
+was well aware, they would receive as most gratifying intelligence. On
+the contrary, he found it necessary, about this time, to make a journey
+to Paris, and to his estates in Languedoc; but as <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 42]</a></span>he still seemed
+devoted to Adrienne, and his devotions were evidently accepted with the
+sweetest complacency, the bewildered parents still cherished a belief
+that the young people mutually understood each other&mdash;that d&#8217;Arval&#8217;s
+temporary absence had been concerted between them, from motives of
+prudence and delicacy with respect to Walter, and that when the latter
+arrived, their daughter would either require him to release her from her
+rash engagement, or empower them to acquaint him with her change of
+sentiments.</p>
+
+<p>Nothing could be farther from truth, however, than this fancied
+arrangement of the worthy elders. Whatever were d&#8217;Arval&#8217;s ultimate views
+and hopes, he had contented himself during his visit with playing the
+favourite lover <i>pro tempore</i>. Perhaps he was too honourable to take
+further advantage of his rival&#8217;s absence&mdash;perhaps too delicate, too
+romantic, to owe his mistress&#8217;s hand to any but her cool after-decision,
+unbiassed by his fascinating presence. In short, whatever was the
+reason, he was <i>au d&eacute;sespoir&mdash;accabl&eacute;!&mdash;an&eacute;anti!</i> But he departed,
+leaving la belle Adrienne very much in doubt whether his departure was
+desirable or otherwise. It certainly demolished a pretty little airy
+fabric she had amused herself with constructing at odd idle moments of
+tender reverie; such as a meeting of the
+rivals&mdash;jealousy&mdash;reproaches&mdash;an interesting dilemma&mdash;desperation on one
+side (she had not settled <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 43]</a></span>which)&mdash;rapture on the other&mdash;defiance to
+mortal combat&mdash;bloodshed, perhaps. But these feelings drew a veil over
+the imaginary picture, and passed on to the sweet anticipation of
+rewarding the survivor. If the marring of so ingenious a fancy sketch
+were somewhat vexatious, on the other hand it would be agreeable enough
+to be quite at liberty (for a time at least), after Walter&#8217;s return, to
+resume her former relations with him. And as to the result, whatever was
+<i>his</i> impatience, that might still be delayed, and the Marquis would
+return. She was sure of him, if after all she should decide in his
+favour; and then, who could tell&mdash;the fancy sketch might be completed at
+last. La petite Madelaine was not of course made the depositary of her
+fair cousin&#8217;s private cogitations; but she had her own, as has been
+observed, and she saw, and thought, and drew her inferences&mdash;devoutly
+hated Le Marquis d&#8217;Arval&mdash;could not love her cousin&mdash;and pitied&mdash;Oh! how
+she pitied le bon Walter!</p>
+
+<p>Le bon Walter, whose term of banishment was now within three weeks of
+expiration, would have accounted himself the most enviable of mortals,
+but for his almost ungovernable impatience at the tedious interval which
+was yet to separate him from his beloved; and for a slight shade of
+disquietude at certain rumours respecting a certain Marquis d&#8217;Arval,
+which had reached him through the medium of the friend (the chaplain of
+his regiment), whose visit <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 44]</a></span>to his family established at Caen had been
+the means of inducing Walter to accompany him thither, little dreaming,
+while quietly acquiescing in his friend&#8217;s arrangements, to what
+conclusions (so momentous for himself) they were unwittingly tending.
+The brother and sister-in-law of Mr Seldon (the clerical friend alluded
+to) were still resident at Caen, and acquainted, though not on terms of
+intimacy, with the families of St Hilaire and Du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l. La petite
+Madelaine was, however, better known to them than any other individual
+of the two households. They had been at first kindly interested for her,
+by observing the degree of unmerited slight to which she was subjected
+in her own family, and the species of half dependence on the capricious
+kindness of others to which it had been the means of reducing her. The
+subdued but not servile spirit with which she submitted to undeserved
+neglect and innumerable mortifications, interested them still more
+warmly in her favour; and on the few occasions when they obtained
+permission for her to visit them at Caen, the innocent playfulness of
+her sweet and gentle nature shone out so engagingly in the sunshine of
+encouragement, and her affectionate gratitude evinced itself so
+artlessly, that they felt they could have loved her tenderly, had she
+been at liberty to give them as much of her society as she was inclined
+to do. But heartlessness and jealousy are not incompatible, and Mlle. de
+St <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 45]</a></span>Hilaire was jealous of everything she condescended to patronise.
+Besides, la petite Madelaine had been too useful to her in various ways
+to be dispensed with; and when, latterly, the capricious beauty became
+indifferent, or rather averse to her continuance at the Chateau beyond
+the stated period of secret service in the mysterious boudoir, Madelaine
+was well content to escape to her own unkindly home; and, strange to
+say, better satisfied with the loneliness of her own little
+turret-chamber, or the dumb companionship of poor Roland, and with the
+drudgery of household needlework (always her portion at home), than even
+in the society of her amiable friends at Caen, to which she might then
+have resorted more unrestrainedly. But though they saw her seldom, the
+depression of her spirits and her altered looks passed not unnoticed by
+them. And although she uttered no complaint of her cousin, it was
+evident that at St Hilaire she was no longer treated even with the
+fitful kindness and scant consideration which was all she had ever
+experienced. These remarks led naturally, on the part of the Seldons, to
+close observance of the conduct of Mlle. de St Hilaire with the Marquis
+d&#8217;Arval&mdash;a subject to which common report had already drawn their
+attention, and which, as affecting the welfare of their friend Walter
+Barnard, could not be indifferent to them. They saw and heard and
+ascertained enough to convince them that his honest affections and
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 46]</a></span>generous confidence were unworthily bestowed, and that a breach of
+faith the most dishonourable was likely to prove the ultimate reward of
+his high-raised expectations. So satisfied, they felt it a point of
+conscience to communicate to him, through the medium of his friend (and
+in the way and to the extent judged advisable by the latter), such
+information as might, in some degree, prepare him for the shock they
+anticipated, or at least stimulate him to sharp investigation. The
+office devolved upon Mr Seldon was by no means an enviable one; but he
+was too sincerely Walter&#8217;s friend to shrink from it, and by cautious
+degrees he communicated to him that information which had cast the first
+shade over his love-dream of speedy reunion with the object of his
+affections.</p>
+
+<p>It was well for the continuance of their friendship that Mr Seldon, in
+his communication to Walter, had not only proceeded with infinite
+caution, but had armed himself with coolness and forbearance in the
+requisite degree, for the young man&#8217;s impetuous nature flamed out
+indignantly at the first insinuation against the truth of his beloved.
+And when, at last&mdash;after angry interruptions, and wrathful sallies
+innumerable&mdash;he had been made acquainted with the circumstances which,
+in the opinion of his friends, warranted suspicions so unfavourable to
+her, he professed utter astonishment, not unmixed with resentment, at
+their supposing <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 47]</a></span>his confidence in Adrienne could be for one moment
+shaken by appearances or misrepresentations, which had so unworthily
+imposed on their own judgment and candour.</p>
+
+<p>After the first burst of irritation, however, Walter professed his
+entire conviction of, and gratitude for, the good intentions of his
+friends; but requested of Seldon that the subject, which he dismissed
+from his own mind as perfectly unworthy of a second thought, should not
+be revived in their discussions; and Seldon, conscientiously satisfied
+with having done as much as discretion warranted in the discharge of his
+delicate commission, gladly assented to the proposition.</p>
+
+<p>But in such cases it is easier to disbelieve than to forget; and it is
+among the countless perversenesses of the human mind, to retain most
+tenaciously, and recur most pertinaciously to, that which the will
+professes most peremptorily to dismiss. Walter&#8217;s disbelief was
+spontaneous and sincere. So was his immediate protest against ever
+recurring, even in thought, to a subject so contemptible. But, like the
+little black box that haunted the merchant Abudah, it lodged itself,
+spite of all opposition, in a corner of his memory, from which not all
+his efforts could expel it at all times; though the most successful
+exorcism (the never-failing <i>pro tempore</i>) was a reperusal of those
+precious letters, in every one of which he found evidence of the lovely
+writer&#8217;s <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 48]</a></span>ingenuousness and truth, worthy to outweigh, in her lover&#8217;s
+heart, a world&#8217;s witness against her. But from the hour of Seldon&#8217;s
+communication, Walter&#8217;s impatience to be at St Hilaire became so
+ungovernable, that finding his friend (Mr <span style="white-space: nowrap;">&mdash;&mdash;</span> was again to be the
+companion of his journey) not unwilling to accompany him immediately, he
+obtained the necessary furlough, although it yet wanted nearly three
+weeks of the prescribed year&#8217;s expiration; and although he had just
+despatched a letter to the lady of his love, full of anticipation,
+relating only to that period, he was on his way to the place of
+embarkation before that letter had reached French ground, and arrived at
+Caen (though travelling, to accommodate his friend, by a circuitous
+route) but a few days after its reception at St Hilaire.</p>
+
+<p>The travellers reached their place of destination so early in the day,
+that, after a friendly greeting with Mr and Mrs Charles Seldon (though
+not without a degree of embarrassment on either side, from recollection
+of a certain proscribed topic), Walter excused himself from partaking
+their late dinner, and with a beating heart (in which, truth to tell,
+some undefinable fear mingled with delightful expectation) took his
+impatient way along the well-remembered footpaths that led through
+pleasant fields and orchards, by a short cut, to the Chateau de St
+Hilaire. He stopped for a moment at the old mill, near the entrance-gate
+of the domain, to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 49]</a></span>exchange a friendly greeting with the miller&#8217;s wife,
+who was standing at her door, and dropt him a curtsy of recognition. The
+mill belonged to the Manoir du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l, and its respectable rentiers
+were, he knew, humble friends of la petite Madelaine; so, in common
+kindness, he could do no otherwise than linger a moment, to make
+inquiries for <i>her</i> welfare, and that of her fair cousin, and their
+respective families. It may be supposed that Walter&#8217;s latent motive for
+so general, as well as particular an inquiry, was to gain from the reply
+something like a glance at the Carte du Pays he was about to enter&mdash;not
+without a degree of nervous trepidation, with the causelessness of which
+he reproached himself in vain, though he had resisted the temptation of
+putting one question to the Seldons, who might have drawn from it
+inferences of misgivings on his part, the existence of which he was far
+from acknowledging even to his own heart.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Mademoiselle Madelaine was at the Chateau that evening,&#8221; the dame
+informed him&mdash;&#8220;and there was no other company, for M. le Marquis left it
+for Paris three days ago.&#8221;&mdash;Walter drew breath more freely at <i>that</i>
+article of intelligence.&mdash;&#8220;Some people had thought M. le Marquis would
+carry off Mademoiselle after all&#8221;&mdash;(Walter bit his lip);&mdash;&#8220;but now
+Monsieur was returned, doubtless&#8221;&mdash;and a look and simper of vast
+knowingness supplied the conclusion of the sentence. &#8220;Au
+reste&mdash;Mademoiselle <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 50]</a></span>was well, and as beautiful as ever; but for &#8216;cette
+ch&egrave;re petite,&#8217; [meaning la petite Madelaine],&mdash;she was sadly changed of
+late, though she did not complain of illness&mdash;<i>she never</i> complained,
+though everybody knew her home was none of the happiest, and (for what
+cause the good dame knew not) she was not so much as formerly at St
+Hilaire.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Walter was really concerned at the bonne femme&#8217;s account of his little
+friend, but at that moment he could spare but a passing thought to any
+subject save one; and having gleaned all the intelligence he was likely
+to obtain respecting it, he cut short the colloquy with a hasty &#8220;Bon
+soir,&#8221; and bounded on his way with such impetuous speed, that the
+entrance-gate of St Hilaire was still vibrating with the swing with
+which it had closed behind him, when he was half through the avenue, and
+just at one of its side openings into a little grove, or labyrinth, in
+which was a building, called Le Pavillon de Diane. He stopped to gaze
+for a moment at the gleam of its white walls, discernible through an
+opening in the thicket, for the sight was associated with many &#8220;blissful
+memories.&#8221; But the present <i>was all</i> to him, and again he was starting
+onward, when his steps were arrested by sounds that mingled with the
+cooing of the wood-pigeon among &#8220;the umbrageous multitude of leaves.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Other sounds were none at that stillest hour of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 51]</a></span>the still sultry
+evening; and among the mingled tones, Walter&#8217;s ear caught some not to be
+mistaken, for the voice that uttered them was that of Adrienne. Its
+breathings were, however, in a higher and less mellifluous key than
+those of the plaintive bird; but a third voice, sweeter than either,
+uttered a low undertone, and <i>that</i> voice was the voice of Madelaine.
+Quick was the ear of Walter to recognise and distinguish those familiar
+accents, but its sense of melody yielded <i>of course</i> to the fond
+prejudice, which could not have been expected to find harshness in the
+tones of his mistress, or allow superior sweetness to those of another
+voice. Whatever were his secret thoughts on that head, it is not to be
+supposed that at such a moment he stopped to compare the &#8220;wood-notes
+wild,&#8221; as coolly and critically as if he were weighing the merits of a
+pair of opera-singers. No&mdash;after a second of attention&mdash;not half a one
+of doubt&mdash;he sprang aside from the road leading to the mansion, and was
+lightly and swiftly threading the tortuous woodpath, and could now
+discern, through one of its bowery archways, the sparkling of the little
+fountain that played before one of the three entrances to the pavilion,
+and another turn of the sylvan puzzle would have brought him to the
+spot; but in his impatience he lost the well-known clue, and in a moment
+found himself at the back, instead of the front of the small temple. The
+corner would have <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 52]</a></span>been rounded at three steps; but at that critical
+moment, a word spoken by the most vehement of the fair
+colloquists&mdash;spoken at the highest key of a voice, whose powers Walter
+was now for the first time fully aware of&mdash;arrested his steps as by art
+magic. His own name was uttered, associated with words of such strange
+import, that Walter&#8217;s astonishment, overpowering his reflective
+faculties, made him excusable in remaining, as he did, rooted to the
+spot, a listener to what passed within.</p>
+
+<p>That strange colloquy consisted, on one side, of taunts, and
+accusations, and menaces. On the other, of a few deprecating words&mdash;a
+sigh or two&mdash;and something like a suppressed sob&mdash;and lastly, of an
+assurance, uttered with a trembling voice, that the speaker &#8220;never had
+harboured the slightest thought of betraying the secret she was privy
+to, or entertained any hope less humble than to be permitted to stay
+unnoticed and unremembered in her own <span style="white-space: nowrap;">home&#8221;&mdash;&mdash;</span>where she &#8220;would be
+equally uncared for,&#8221; was probably her heart&#8217;s muttered conclusion, for
+the word <i>home</i> trembled on her tongue, and she burst into an agony of
+tears.</p>
+
+<p>Neither the gentle appeal, nor the gush of distressful feeling in which
+it terminated, seemed to touch the heartless person it was addressed to,
+for there was no softening in the voice with which, as she quitted the
+pavilion, she issued her commands, that on her return some half-hour
+hence, &#8220;the letter <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 53]</a></span>should be finished, and not more stupidly than
+usual, or it would be <i>&agrave; refaire</i>.&#8221; And so departed the imperious
+task-mistress, and as her steps died away, and the angry rustling of her
+robes, the tinkling of the little fountain was again heard chiming with
+the stock-doves&#8217; murmurs, and within the temple all was profoundly
+still, except at intervals a smothered sob, and then a deep and
+heart-relieving sigh, the last audible token of subsiding passion. And
+Walter was still rooted, spell-bound&mdash;immovable in the same spot. Lost
+in a confusion of thoughts, that left him scarcely conscious of his own
+identity, of the reality of the scene around him, or of the strange
+circumstances in which he found himself so suddenly involved&mdash;more than
+a few moments it required to restore to him the power of clear
+perception and comprehension, but not one, when that was regained, to
+decide on the course he should pursue.</p>
+
+<p>Quickly and lightly he stepped round the angle of the building to the
+side entrance (like the two others, an open archway), through which his
+eye glanced over the whole interior, till it rested on the one living
+object of interest. At some little distance, with her back towards him,
+sat la petite Madelaine, one elbow resting on the table before her, her
+head disconsolately bowed on the supporting hand, which half concealed
+her face; the other, with a pen held nervously by the small fingers, lay
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 54]</a></span>idle beside the half-finished letter outspread before her. Once she
+languidly raised her head and looked upon it, with a seeming effort
+dipped her pen in the ink, and held it a moment suspended over the line
+to be filled up. But the task seemed too painful to her, and with a
+heavy sigh she suffered her head to drop aside into its former position,
+and her hand, still loosely holding the inactive pen, to fall listlessly
+upon the paper. During this short pantomime, Walter had stolen
+noiselessly across the matted floor, to the back of Madelaine&#8217;s chair,
+and knowing <i>all he now knew</i>, felt no conscientious scruple about the
+propriety of reading over her shoulder the contents of the unfinished
+letter. They were but what he was prepared to see, and yet his trance of
+amazement was for a moment renewed by ocular demonstration to the truth
+of what had been hitherto revealed to one of his senses only. The letter
+was to himself&mdash;the reply to his last, addressed to Mlle. de St
+Hilaire&mdash;the continuation of that delightful series he had for the last
+twelve-month nearly been in the blissful habit of receiving from his
+adored Adrienne. Here was the same autograph&mdash;the same tournure de
+phrase&mdash;the same tone of thought and feeling (though less lively and
+unembarrassed than in her earlier letters)&mdash;and yet the hand that
+traced, the mind that guided, and the heart that dictated, were the hand
+and mind and heart of Madelaine du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l!</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 55]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Madelaine! dear Madelaine!&#8221; were the first whispered words by which
+Walter ventured to make his presence known to her. But low as was the
+whisper&mdash;gentle as were the accents&mdash;a thunder-clap could not have
+produced an effect more electric. Starting from her seat with a half
+shriek, she would have fallen to the ground from excess of agitation and
+surprise, but for Walter&#8217;s supporting arm, and it required a world of
+soothing and affectionate gentleness to restore her to any degree of
+self-possession. Her first impulse, on regaining it, was the honourable
+one of endeavouring to remove from Walter&#8217;s observation the letter that
+had been designed for his perusal under circumstances so different; but
+quietly laying his hand upon the outspread paper, as she turned to
+snatch it from the table, with the other arm he gently drew her from it
+to himself, and with a smile in which there was more of tender than
+bitter feeling, said&mdash;&#8220;It is too late, Madelaine&mdash;I know all&mdash;who could
+have thought you such a little impostor!&#8221; Poor little Madelaine! never
+was mortal maiden so utterly confounded, so bewildered as she, by the
+detection, and by her own hurried and almost unintelligible attempts to
+deprecate what, in the simplicity of her heart, she fancied must be the
+high indignation of Walter at <i>her</i> share of the imposition so long
+practised on him.</p>
+
+<p>Whether it was that, in the course of her agitated <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 56]</a></span>pleading, she spied
+relenting in the eyes to which hers were raised so imploringly, or a
+<i>something</i> even more encouraging in their expression, or in the
+pressure of the hands which clasped hers, upraised in the vehemence of
+supplication, certain it is that she stopped short in the middle of a
+sentence&mdash;with a tear in her eye and a blush on her cheek, and something
+like a dawning smile on the lip that still quivered with emotion, and
+that &#8220;Le bon Walter&#8221; magnanimously illustrated by his conduct the
+hackneyed maxim, that</p>
+
+<p class="center">&#8220;Forgiveness to the injured doth belong,&#8221;&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>and that plenary absolution, and perfect reconciliation, <i>were</i> granted
+and effected, may be fairly inferred from the testimony of the miller&#8217;s
+wife, who, still lingering at the threshold when the grey twilight was
+brightening into cloudless moonlight, spied Walter and Madelaine
+advancing slowly down the dark chestnut avenue, so intent in earnest
+conversation (doubtless on grave and weighty matters), that they passed
+through the gate, and by the door where she stood, without once looking
+to the right or left, or, in consequence, observing their old friend as
+she stept forward to exchange the evening salutation. The same deponent,
+moreover, testified, that (from no motive of curiosity, but motherly
+concern for the safety of Madelaine, should Walter, striking off into
+the road to Caen, leave her at that <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 57]</a></span>late hour to pursue her solitary
+way through the Manoir) she took heed to their further progress, and
+ascertained, to her entire satisfaction, that so far from unknightly
+desertion of his fair charge, Walter (seemingly inclined to protect his
+guardianship to the last possible moment) accompanied her through her
+home domain till quite within sight of the Chateau, and even there
+lingered so long in his farewell, that it might have tired out the
+patience of the miller&#8217;s wife, if the supper-bell had not sounded from
+the mansion, and broken short as kind a leave-taking as ever preceded
+the separation of dearest friends.</p>
+
+<p>It must be quite needless to say, that Walter Barnard appeared not that
+night at the Chateau de St Hilaire, where his return to Normandy was of
+course equally unknown with his late visit to the pavilion. Great was
+the wrath of the lovely Adrienne, when, on her return thither, soon
+after the expiration of the time she had allotted for the performance of
+Madelaine&#8217;s task, she found <i>la place vide</i>&mdash;that the daring impertinent
+had not only taken the liberty of departing undismissed (doubtless in
+resentment of fancied wrongs), but had taken with her the letter that
+was to have been finished in readiness for the postman&#8217;s call that
+evening on his way to Caen. The contretemps was absolutely too much for
+the sensitive nerves of la belle Adrienne, agitated as they had been
+during the day by <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 58]</a></span>a communication made to her parents, and through them
+&#8220;to his adorable cousin,&#8221; by the Marquis d&#8217;Arval, that his contract of
+marriage with a rich and beautiful heiress of his own province was on
+the point of signature.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Le perfide!&#8221; was the smothered ejaculation of his fair friend on
+receiving this gratifying intelligence from her dejected parents, thus
+compelled to relinquish their last feeble hope of seeing their darling
+united to the husband of their choice. To the darling herself the new
+return of Walter became suddenly an object of tender interest. Nothing
+could be so natural as her immediate anxiety to express this impatience
+in a reply to his last letter, and nothing could be more natural than
+that she should fall into a paroxysm of nervous irritation at the
+frustration of this amiable design, by the daring desertion of her
+charg&eacute;-d&#8217;affaires. But she was too proud to send for her, or to her: it
+would look like acknowledgment of error. She would &#8220;die first,&#8221; and &#8220;the
+little impertinent would return of her own accord, humble enough, no
+doubt, and she <i>should</i> be humbled.&#8221; But for the next two days nothing
+was heard or seen of &#8220;the little impertinent&#8221; at the Chateau de St
+Hilaire. On the third, still no sign of her repentance, by reappearance,
+word, or token. On the fourth, Adrienne&#8217;s resolution could hold out
+against her necessities no longer, and she was on the point of going
+herself <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 59]</a></span>in quest of the guilty Madelaine, when she learned the
+astounding tidings that Walter had been five days returned to Caen, and
+on that very morning when the news first reached <span style="white-space: nowrap;">her,&mdash;&mdash;</span></p>
+
+<p>But Walter&#8217;s proceedings must be briefly related more veraciously than
+by the blundering tongue of common rumour, which reported them to
+Adrienne. He had returned to Caen, and to the hospitable home of his
+English friends, to whose ear, of course, he confided his tale of
+disappointed hopes. But, as it should seem by the mirthful bearing of
+the small party assembled that night round the supper-table after his
+affecting disclosure, not only had it failed in exciting sympathy for
+the abused lover, but he himself, by some unaccountable caprice, was, to
+all appearance, the happiest of the social group.</p>
+
+<p>Grave matters, as well as trivial, were, however, debated that night
+round the supper-table of the English party; and of the four assembled,
+as neither had attained the coolness and experience of twenty-six
+complete summers, and two of the four (the married pair) had forfeited
+all pretensions to worldly wisdom by a romantic love-match, it is not
+much to be wondered at that Prudence was scarcely admitted to a share in
+the consultation, and that she was unanimously outvoted in conclusion.</p>
+
+<p>The cabinet council sat till past midnight, yet Walter Barnard was awake
+next morning, and &#8220;stirring with the lark,&#8221; and brushing the dew-drops
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 60]</a></span>from the wild-brier sprays, as he bounded by them through the fields,
+on his way <span style="white-space: nowrap;">to&mdash;&mdash;</span><i>not</i> St Hilaire.</p>
+
+<p>Again in the gloaming he was espied by the miller&#8217;s wife, threading the
+same path to the same trysting-place&mdash;for that it <i>was</i> a trysting-place
+she had ocular demonstration&mdash;and again the next day matins and vespers
+were as duly said by the same parties in the same oratory, and Dame
+Simonne was privy to the same, and yet she had not whispered her
+knowledge even to the reeds. How much longer the unnatural retention
+might have continued, would have been a curious metaphysical question,
+had not circumstances, interfering with the ends of science, hurried on
+an &#8220;unforeseen conclusion.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>On the third morning the usual tryst was kept at the accustomed place,
+at an earlier hour than on the preceding days; but shorter parley
+sufficed on this occasion, for the two who met there with no cold
+greeting, turned together into the pleasant path, so lately traced on
+his way from the town with beating heart, by one who retraced his
+footsteps even more eagerly, with the timid companion, who went
+consentingly, but not self-excused.</p>
+
+<p>Sharp and anxious was the watch kept by the miller&#8217;s wife for the return
+of the pair, whose absence for the next two hours she was at no loss to
+account for; but they tarried beyond that period, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 61]</a></span>and Dame Simonne was
+growing fidgety at their non-appearance, when she caught sight of their
+advancing figures, at the same moment that the gate of the Manoir swung
+open, and forth issued the stately forms of Madame and Mesdemoiselles du
+R&eacute;sn&eacute;l!</p>
+
+<p>Dame Simonne&#8217;s senses were well-nigh confounded at the sight, and well
+they might, for well she knew what one so unusual portended&mdash;and there
+was no time&mdash;not a moment&mdash;not a possibility to warn the early
+pedestrians who were approaching, so securely unconscious of the
+impending crisis. They were to have parted as before at the Manoir
+gate&mdash;to have parted for many months of separation&mdash;one to return to
+England, the other to her nearer home, till such time <span style="white-space: nowrap;">as&mdash;&mdash;.</span> But the
+whole prudential project was in a moment overset. The last winding of
+the path was turned, and the advancing parties stood confronted! For a
+moment, mute, motionless as statues&mdash;a smile of malicious triumph on the
+countenances of Mesdemoiselles du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l&mdash;on that of their dignified
+mother, a stern expression of concentrated wrath, inexorable,
+implacable. But her speech was even more calm and deliberate than usual,
+as she requested to know what business of importance had led the young
+lady so far from her home at that early hour, and to what fortunate
+chance she was indebted for the escort of Monsieur Barnard? The <i>grand
+secret</i> might still have been <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 62]</a></span>kept. Walter was about to speak&mdash;he
+scarce knew what&mdash;perhaps to divulge <i>in part</i>&mdash;for to tell all
+prematurely was ruin to them both. But before he could articulate a
+word, Madame du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l repeated her interrogatory in a tone of more
+peremptory sternness, and la petite Madelaine, trembling at this sound,
+quailing under the cold and searching gaze that accompanied it, and all
+unused to the arts of deception and prevarication, sank on her knees
+where she had stopped at some distance from her incensed parent, and
+faltered out with uplifted hands,&mdash;&#8220;Mais&mdash;mais, maman! je viens de me
+marier!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The truth was told&mdash;the full, the simple truth&mdash;and no sooner told than
+Walter&#8217;s better nature rejoiced at the disclosure, rejoiced at its
+release from the debasing shackles imposed by worldly considerations,
+and grateful to the young ingenuous creature whose impulsive honesty had
+saved them both from perseverance in the dangerous paths of deception,
+even at the cost of those important advantages which might have resulted
+from a temporary concealment of their union. Tenderly raising and
+supporting her he was now free to call his own in the sight of men and
+angels, he drew her gently towards the incensed parent, the expected
+storm of whose just wrath he prepared himself to meet respectfully, and
+to deprecate with all due humility. But the preparation proved perfectly
+unnecessary. Madame du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l, whose rigidity <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 63]</a></span>of feature had relaxed
+into no change of line or muscle indicative of surprise or emotion at
+her daughter&#8217;s abrupt confession, now listened with equally
+imperturbable composure to Walter&#8217;s rather hurried and confused attempts
+at excusing what was, in the strict sense, inexcusable; and to his frank
+and manly professions of attachment to her daughter, and of his desire,
+if he might be received as a son by that daughter&#8217;s mother, to prove, by
+every act of his future life, his sense of such generous forgiveness.
+Having heard him to the end, with the most exemplary patience and
+faultless good-breeding, Madame du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l begged to assure Monsieur
+Barnard, that, &#8220;so far from assuming to herself any right of censure
+over him or his actions, past, present, or to come, she begged leave to
+assure him she was incapable of such impertinent interference; and that,
+with regard to the lady who had ceased to be her daughter on becoming
+the wife of Monsieur Barnard, she resigned from that moment all claims
+on the duty she had violated, and all control over her future actions.
+Les effets appartenant &agrave; Mademoiselle Madelaine du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l&mdash;[poor little
+Madelaine, few and little worth were thy worldly goods!]&mdash;should be
+ready for delivery to any authorised claimant.&#8221; &#8220;Au reste&#8221;&mdash;Madame du
+R&eacute;sn&eacute;l had the honour to felicitate Monsieur and Madame Barnard on their
+auspicious union, and to wish them a very good morning&mdash;an <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 64]</a></span>adieu sans
+au revoir&mdash;with which tender conclusion she dropped a profound and
+dignified curtsy, and with her attendant daughters (who dutifully
+followed the maternal example) passed through the gate of the Manoir,
+and closed it after her, with no violence, but a deliberate firmness,
+that spoke to those without more convincingly than words could have
+expressed it&mdash;&#8220;Henceforward, and for ever, this barrier is closed
+against you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>That moment was one of bitterness to the new-made wife&mdash;to the discarded
+daughter; and, for a time, all the feelings that had led to her
+violation of filial duty&mdash;all the excuses she had framed to herself for
+breaking its sacred obligations&mdash;all the &#8220;shortcomings&#8221; of love she had
+been subjected to in her own home&mdash;and all&mdash;ay, even all the love,
+passing speech, which had bound up her life with Walter Barnard&#8217;s&mdash;all
+was forgotten&mdash;merged in one absorbing agony of distress, at the sudden
+and violent wrench-asunder of Nature&#8217;s first and holiest ties. She clung
+to the side-post of the old gate that opened to her paternal domain&mdash;to
+the house of her fathers. She kissed the bars that excluded her for
+ever. Was it for ever? A gleam of hope brightened in her streaming
+eyes&mdash;&#8220;Her dear Armand! Le petit fr&egrave;re would return to the Manoir, and
+<i>he</i> would never shut its gates against poor Madelaine.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Her husband availed himself of the auspicious <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 65]</a></span>moment; he encouraged her
+hopes, and she listened with the eager simplicity of a child; he spoke
+words of comfort, and she was comforted; of love, and she forgot her
+fault and her remorse&mdash;her home&mdash;her friends&mdash;the world&mdash;and everything
+in it but himself.</p>
+
+<p>Three days from that ever-memorable morning, la petite Madelaine stood
+with her husband upon English ground, but for him, a stranger in a
+strange land&mdash;the portionless bride of a poor subaltern. For though she
+had brought with her all the &#8220;effets&#8221; which, through Madame&#8217;s special
+indulgence, she had been permitted to remove from her own little
+turret-chamber, they helped but poorly towards the future m&eacute;nage,
+consisting only of her scanty wardrobe, a few books (her most precious
+property), a little embroidered purse, containing a louis-d&#8217;or, sundry
+old silver coins, and pi&egrave;ces de dix sous, a bonbonni&egrave;re full of drag&eacute;es,
+a birthday present from le petit fr&egrave;re, a gold etui, the gift of her
+grandmother, and a pair of silver sugar-tongs, the bequest of old
+Jeannette. To this splendid inventory she was, however, graciously
+allowed to annex the transfer of honest Roland, her father&#8217;s ancient
+servitor, who, as if endowed with rational comprehension, made shift to
+leap into the cart which conveyed to Caen the poor possessions of his
+master&#8217;s daughter, and came crouching to her feet, with looks and
+actions needing no interpretation <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 66]</a></span>to speak intelligibly&mdash;&#8220;Mistress!
+lead on, and I will follow thee.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The married pair were indeed embarked together on a rough sea, with
+little provision for the voyage, to which they had been in a manner
+prematurely driven; but, by the blessing of Providence, they weathered
+out its storms, now sheltering for a season in some calm and friendly
+haven, and anon compelled (but with recruited courage) to renew their
+conflict with the winds and waves. But throughout, their hearts were
+strong, for they were faithfully united; and that devoted affection for
+her husband, which had saved the heart of Madelaine from breaking in its
+first and sharpest agony (the sharpest, because mingled with remorse),
+was the continued support and sweetener of her after-life, through a lot
+of infinite vicissitude.</p>
+
+<p>If haply I have evinced some partiality to poor little Madelaine, even
+in the detail of her unsanctioned nuptials, accuse me not, reader, of
+making light of the sin of filial disobedience. I have told you that
+<i>she judged herself</i>;&mdash;let you and I do likewise, and abstain from
+passing sentence on others. But if your Christian charity, righteous
+reader! is so rigidly exacting as to require punishment as well as
+penitence, be comforted even on that score, and lay the assurance to
+your feeling heart, that la petite Madelaine <i>had</i> her full share of
+worldly troubles; the last and crowning one of all, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 67]</a></span>that she was doomed
+to be, by some years, the survivor of the husband of her youth&mdash;the
+friend and companion of her life&mdash;the prop and staff of her declining
+days.</p>
+
+<p>But she was not long an outcast from her own people and her early home.
+&#8220;Le petit fr&egrave;re&#8221; found means, soon after the attainment of his majority,
+and the full rights and titles it conferred on him, as lord of himself
+and the Manoir du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l, to prevail on his lady-mother (who still
+remained mistress of the establishment) to receive, on the footing of
+occasional guests, her long-banished child, with her English husband.
+From that time, Monsieur du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l proved himself, on all occasions, the
+affectionate brother and unfailing friend of Walter and Madelaine; and
+the good understanding then established between themselves and Madame du
+R&eacute;sn&eacute;l was never interrupted, though jealousies among the elder sisters
+were always at work to undermine it by innumerable petty artifices.
+Madame was not their dupe, however. Nature had formed her with a cold
+heart, but a strong understanding. She felt and knew that the respect
+and attention invariably shown towards her by Madelaine and her husband,
+were the fruits of right principle and kindly disposition, unswayed by
+any interested consideration, and that her other daughters were actuated
+by the sordid view of appropriating to themselves exclusively, at her
+decease, the small hoard she might <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 68]</a></span>have accumulated in the long course
+of her rigid and undeviating economy. As the burden of years pressed
+more heavily upon her, she became more and more sensible of the worth
+and tenderness of her once-slighted Madelaine; and when circumstances
+made it expedient that she should remove from her son&#8217;s roof, she took
+up her last lodging among the living under that of the dutiful child,
+whose widowed sorrows were soothed by her tender performance of the
+sacred duty which had thus unexpectedly devolved upon her.</p>
+
+<p>When the mother and daughter were reunited under circumstances so
+affecting, the latter had almost numbered the threescore years, so near
+the age of man; and the former, with all her mental faculties in their
+full vigour, and retaining her bodily strength and all her senses to an
+extraordinary degree, was on the verge of fourscore years and five. But
+the tender and unremitting cares of her filial guardian were blessed for
+three years longer in their pious aim,&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="centerbox3 bbox"><p>&#8220;T&#8217; explore the wish&mdash;explain the asking eye,<br />
+And keep awhile one parent from the sky.&#8221;</p></div>
+
+<p>Then the full of days was summoned to depart, and <i>I</i>&mdash;yes&mdash;<i>I</i> remember
+well the last scene of her long pilgrimage, though a little child when
+present at it, and carried in my nurse&#8217;s arms to the chamber of death.
+<i>My</i> mother was there also, for she was the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 69]</a></span>granddaughter of that aged
+dying woman&mdash;the daughter of Walter Barnard and Madelaine du R&eacute;sn&eacute;l. And
+so it came to pass that la petite Madelaine was my own dear grandmother,
+and that the fact was (I suppose) written on my forehead, for the future
+investigation of that &#8220;grim white woman,&#8221; the daughter of Adrienne de St
+Hilaire, who, impelled by curiosity, and armed with hereditary hate,
+dismayed me by that mysterious visit, which, opening up the forgotten
+sources of old traditional memories, gave rise to my after daydream and
+to this long story.</p>
+
+<hr class="large" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 70]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="BOB_BURKES_DUEL_WITH_ENSIGN_BRADY" id="BOB_BURKES_DUEL_WITH_ENSIGN_BRADY"></a>BOB BURKE&#8217;S DUEL WITH ENSIGN BRADY.</h2>
+
+<h3>BY THE LATE WILLIAM MAGINN, LL.D.</h3>
+
+<h4>[<i>MAGA</i>. <span class="smcap">May</span> 1834.]</h4>
+
+<hr class="tiny" />
+
+<h3>CHAPTER I.</h3>
+
+<h3>HOW BOB WAS IN LOVE WITH MISS THEODOSIA MACNAMARA.</h3>
+
+<p style="float: left; font-size: 100%; line-height: 80%; margin-top: 0;">&#8220;</p><p class="n"><span style="float:left;font-size:40px;line-height:25px;padding-top:2px;padding-bottom:1px;">W</span>hen the 48th were quartered in Mallow, I was there on a visit to one
+of the Purcells, who abound in that part of the world, and, being some
+sixteen or seventeen years younger than I am now, thought I might as
+well fall in love with Miss Theodosia Macnamara. She was a fine grown
+girl, full of flesh and blood, rose five foot nine at least when shod,
+had many excellent points, and stepped out slappingly upon her pasterns.
+She was somewhat of a roarer, it must be admitted, for you could hear
+her from one end of the Walk to the other; and I am told, that as she
+has grown somewhat aged, she shows symptoms of vice, but I knew nothing
+of the latter, and did not mind the former, because I never had a fancy
+for your mimini-pimini <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 71]</a></span>young ladies, with their mouths squeezed into
+the shape and dimensions of a needle&#8217;s eye. I always suspect such
+damsels as having a very portentous design against mankind in general.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;She was at Mallow for the sake of the Spa, it being understood that she
+was consumptive&mdash;though I&#8217;ll answer for it, her lungs were not touched;
+and I never saw any signs of consumption about her, except at meal
+times, when her consumption was undoubtedly great. However, her mother,
+a very nice middle-aged woman&mdash;she was of the O&#8217;Regans of the West, and
+a perfect lady in her manners, with a very remarkable red nose, which
+she attributed to a cold which had settled in that part, and which cold
+she was always endeavouring to cure with various balsamic preparations
+taken inwardly,&mdash;maintained that her poor chicken, as she called her,
+was very delicate, and required the air and water of Mallow to cure her.
+Theodosia (she was so named after some of the Limerick family), or, as
+we generally called her, Dosy, was rather of a sanguine complexion, with
+hair that might be styled auburn, but which usually received another
+name. Her nose was turned up, as they say was that of Cleopatra; and her
+mouth, which was never idle, being always employed in eating, drinking,
+shouting, or laughing, was of considerable dimensions. Her eyes were
+piercers, with a slight tendency to a cast; and her complexion was equal
+to a footman&#8217;s plush <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 72]</a></span>breeches, or the first tinge of the bloom of
+morning bursting through a summer-cloud, or what else verse-making men
+are fond of saying. I remember a young man who was in love with her
+writing a song about her, in which there was one or other of the similes
+above mentioned, I forget which. The verses were said to be very clever,
+as no doubt they were; but I do not recollect them, never being able to
+remember poetry. Dosy&#8217;s mother used to say that it was a hectic
+flush&mdash;if so, it was a very permanent flush, for it never left her
+cheeks for a moment, and had it not belonged to a young lady in a
+galloping consumption, would have done honour to a dairymaid.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Pardon these details, gentlemen,&#8221; said Bob Burke, sighing, &#8220;but one
+always thinks of the first loves. Tom Moore says that &#8216;there&#8217;s nothing
+half so sweet in life as young love&#8217;s dram;&#8217; and talking of that, if
+there&#8217;s anything left in the brandy-bottle, hand it over to me. Here&#8217;s
+to the days gone by; they will never come again. Dear Dosy, you and I
+had some fun together. I see her now with her red hair escaping from
+under her hat, in a pea-green habit, a stiff-cutting whip in her hand,
+licking it into Tom the Devil, a black horse, that would have carried a
+sixteen stoner over a six-foot wall, following Will Wrixon&#8217;s hounds at
+the rate of fifteen miles an hour, and singing out, &#8216;Go it, my <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 73]</a></span>trumps.&#8217;
+These are the recollections that bring tears in a man&#8217;s eyes.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>There were none visible in Bob&#8217;s, but as he here finished his dram, it
+is perhaps a convenient opportunity for concluding a chapter.</p>
+
+<h3>CHAPTER II.</h3>
+
+<h3>HOW ENSIGN BRADY WENT TO DRINK TEA WITH MISS<br />
+THEODOSIA MACNAMARA.</h3>
+
+<p>&#8220;The day of that hunt was the very day that led to my duel with Brady.
+He was a long, straddling, waddle-mouthed chap, who had no more notion
+of riding a hunt than a rhinoceros. He was mounted on a
+showy-enough-looking mare, which had been nerved by Bodolphus Bootiman,
+the horse-doctor, and though &#8216;a good &#8217;un to look at, was a rum &#8217;un to
+go;&#8217; and before she was nerved, all the work had been taken out of her
+by long Lanty Philpot, who sold her to Brady after dinner for fifty
+pounds, she being not worth twenty in her best day, and Brady giving his
+bill at three months for the fifty. My friend the ensign was no judge of
+a horse, and the event showed that my cousin Lanty was no judge of a
+bill&mdash;not a cross of the fifty having been paid from that day to this;
+and it is out of the question now, it being long past the statute of
+limitations, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 74]</a></span>to say nothing of Brady having since twice taken the
+benefit of the Act. So both parties jockeyed one another, having that
+pleasure which must do them instead of profit.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;She was a bay chestnut, and nothing would do Brady but he must run her
+at a little gap which Miss Dosy was going to clear, in order to show his
+gallantry and agility; and certainly I must do him the credit to say
+that he did get his mare <i>on</i> the gap, which was no small feat, but
+there she broke down, and off went Brady, neck and crop, into as fine a
+pool of stagnant green mud as you would ever wish to see. He was ducked
+regularly in it, and he came out, if not in the jacket, yet in the
+colours, of the Rifle Brigade, looking rueful enough at his misfortune,
+as you may suppose. But he had not much time to think of the figure he
+cut, for before he could well get up, who should come right slap over
+him but Miss Dosy herself upon Tom the Devil, having cleared the gap and
+a yard beyond the pool in fine style. Brady ducked, and escaped the
+horse, a little fresh daubing being of less consequence than the
+knocking out of his brains, if he had any; but he did not escape a smart
+rap from a stone which one of Tom&#8217;s heels flung back with such unlucky
+accuracy as to hit Brady right in the mouth, knocking out one of his
+eye-teeth (which, I do not recollect). Brady clapped his hand to his
+mouth, and bawled, as any man might do in such a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 75]</a></span>case, so loud, that
+Miss Dosy checked Tom for a minute to turn round, and there she saw him
+making the most horrid faces in the world, his mouth streaming blood,
+and himself painted green from head to foot with as pretty a coat of
+shining slime as was to be found in the province of Munster. &#8216;That&#8217;s the
+gentleman you just leapt over, Miss Dosy,&#8217; said I, for I had joined her,
+&#8216;and he seems to be in some confusion.&#8217; &#8216;I am sorry,&#8217; said she, &#8216;Bob,
+that I should have in any way offended him or any other gentleman, by
+leaping over him, but I can&#8217;t wait now. Take him my compliments, and
+tell him I should be happy to see him at tea at six o&#8217;clock this
+evening, in a different suit.&#8217; Off she went, and I rode back with her
+message (by which means I was thrown out); and would you believe it, he
+had the ill manners to say &#8216;the <span style="white-space: nowrap;">h&mdash;&mdash;;&#8217;</span> but I shall not repeat what he
+said. It was impolite to the last degree, not to say profane, but
+perhaps he may be somewhat excused under his peculiar circumstances.
+There is no knowing what even Job himself might have said, immediately
+after having been thrown off his horse into a green pool, with his
+eye-tooth knocked out, his mouth full of mud and blood, on being asked
+to a tea-party.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;He&mdash;Brady, not Job&mdash;went, nevertheless&mdash;for, on our return to Miss
+Dosy&#8217;s lodgings, we found a triangular note, beautifully perfumed,
+expressing his gratitude for her kind invitation, and telling her <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 76]</a></span>not
+to think of the slight accident which had occurred. How it happened, he
+added, he could not conceive, his mare never having broken down with him
+before&mdash;which was true enough, as that was the first day he ever mounted
+her&mdash;and she having been bought by himself at a sale of the Earl of
+Darlington&#8217;s horses last year, for two hundred guineas. She was a great
+favourite, he went on to say, with the Earl, who often rode her, and ran
+at Doncaster by the name of Miss Russell. All this latter part of the
+note was not quite so true, but then, it must be admitted, that when we
+talk about horses we are not tied down to be exact to a letter. If we
+were, God help Tattersall&#8217;s!</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;To tea, accordingly, the ensign came at six, wiped clean, and in a
+different set-out altogether from what he appeared in on emerging from
+the ditch. He was, to make use of a phrase introduced from the ancient
+Latin into the modern Greek, togged up in the most approved style of his
+Majesty&#8217;s 48th foot. Bright was the scarlet of his coat&mdash;deep the blue
+of his facings.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I beg your pardon,&#8221; said Antony Harrison, here interrupting the
+speaker; &#8220;the 48th are not royals, and you ought to know that no
+regiment but those which are royal sport blue facings. I remember, once
+upon a time, in a coffee-shop, detecting a very smart fellow, who wrote
+some clever things in a Magazine published in Edinburgh by <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 77]</a></span>one
+Blackwood, under the character of a military man, not to be anything of
+the kind, by his talking about ensigns in the fusiliers&mdash;all the world
+knowing that in the fusiliers there are no ensigns, but in their place
+second lieutenants. Let me set you right there, Bob; the facings your
+friend Brady exhibited to the wondering gaze of the Mallow tea-table
+must have been buff&mdash;pale buff.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Buff, black, blue, brown, yellow, Pompadour, brick-dust, no matter what
+they were,&#8221; continued Burke, in nowise pleased by the interruption,
+&#8220;they were as bright as they could be made, and so was all the lace, and
+other traps which I shall not specify more minutely, as I am in presence
+of so sharp a critic. He was, in fact, in full dress&mdash;as you know is
+done in country quarters&mdash;and being not a bad plan and elevation of a
+man, looked well enough. Miss Dosy, I perceived, had not been perfectly
+ignorant of the rank and condition of the gentleman over whom she had
+leaped, for she was dressed in her purple satin body and white skirt,
+which she always put on when she wished to be irresistible, and her hair
+was suffered to flow in long ringlets down her fair neck&mdash;and, by
+Jupiter, it was fair as a swan&#8217;s, and as majestic too&mdash;and no mistake.
+Yes! Dosy Macnamara looked divine that evening.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Never mind! Tea was brought in by Mary Keefe, and it was just as all
+other <i>teas</i> have been <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 78]</a></span>and will be. Do not, however, confound it with
+the wafer-sliced and hot-watered abominations which are inflicted,
+perhaps justly, on the wretched individuals who are guilty of haunting
+<i>soir&eacute;es</i> and <i>conversaziones</i> in this good and bad city of London. The
+tea was congou or souchong, or some other of these Chinese affairs, for
+anything I know to the contrary; for, having dined at the house, I was
+mixing my fifth tumbler when tea was brought in, and Mrs Macnamara
+begged me not to disturb myself; and she being a lady for whom I had a
+great respect, I complied with her desire; but there was a potato-cake,
+an inch thick and two feet in diameter, which Mrs Macnamara informed me
+in a whisper was made by Dosy after the hunt.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Poor chicken,&#8217; she said, &#8216;if she had the strength, she has the
+willingness; but she is so delicate. If you saw her handling the
+potatoes to-day.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Madam,&#8217; said I, looking tender, and putting my hand on my heart, &#8216;I
+wish I was a potato!&#8217;</p>
+
+<h3>CHAPTER III.</h3>
+
+<h3>HOW ENSIGN BRADY ASTONISHED THE NATIVES AT MISS<br />
+THEODOSIA MACNAMARA&#8217;S.</h3>
+
+<p>&#8220;I thought this was an uncommonly pathetic wish, after the manner of the
+Persian poet Hafiz, but it was scarcely out of my mouth, when Ensign
+Brady, taking a cup of tea from Miss Dosy&#8217;s hand, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 79]</a></span>looking upon me with
+an air of infinite condescension, declared that I must be the happiest
+of men, as my wish was granted before it was made. I was preparing to
+answer, but Miss Dosy laughed so loud that I had not time, and my only
+resource was to swallow what I had just made. The ensign followed up his
+victory without mercy.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Talking of potatoes, Miss Theodosia,&#8217; said he, looking at me, &#8216;puts me
+in mind of truffles. Do you know this most exquisite cake of yours much
+resembles a <i>gateau aux truffes</i>? By Gad! how Colonel Thornton, Sir
+Harry Millicent, Lord Mortgageshire, and that desperate fellow, the
+Honourable and Reverend Dick Sellenger, and I, used to tuck in truffles
+when we were quartered in Paris. Mortgageshire&mdash;an uncommon droll
+fellow; I used to call his Lordship Morty&mdash;he called me Brad&mdash;we were on
+such terms; and we used to live together in the Rue de la Paix, that
+beautiful street close by the Place Vend&ocirc;me, where there&#8217;s the pillar.
+You have been at Paris, Miss Macnamara?&#8217; asked the ensign, filling his
+mouth with a half-pound bite of the potato-cake at the same moment.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Dosy confessed that she had never travelled into any foreign parts
+except the kingdom of Kerry; and on the same question being repeated to
+me, I was obliged to admit that I was in a similar predicament. Brady
+was triumphant.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;It is a loss to any man,&#8217; said he, &#8216;not to have <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 80]</a></span>been in Paris. I know
+that city well, and so I ought; but I did many naughty things there.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;O fie!&#8217; said Mrs Macnamara.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;O, madam,&#8217; continued Brady, &#8216;the fact is, that the Paris ladies were
+rather too fond of us English. When I say English, I mean Scotch and
+Irish as well; but, nevertheless, I think Irishmen had more good-luck
+than the natives of the other two islands.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;In my geography book,&#8217; said Miss Dosy, &#8216;it is put down only as one
+island, consisting of England, capital London, on the Thames, in the
+south; and Scotland, capital Edinburgh, on the Forth, in the north;
+<span style="white-space: nowrap;">population&#8217;&mdash;&mdash;</span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Gad! you are right,&#8217; said Brady&mdash;&#8216;perfectly right, Miss Macnamara. I
+see you are quite a blue. But, as I was saying, it is scarce possible
+for a good-looking young English officer to escape the French ladies.
+And then I played rather deep&mdash;on the whole, however, I think, I may say
+I won. Mortgageshire and I broke Frascati&#8217;s one night&mdash;we won a hundred
+thousand francs at rouge, and fifty-four thousand at roulette. You would
+have thought the croupiers would have fainted; they tore their hair with
+vexation. The money, however, soon went again&mdash;we could not keep it. As
+for wine, you have it cheap there, and of a quality which you cannot get
+in England. At Very&#8217;s, for example, I drank chambertin&mdash;it is a kind of
+claret&mdash;for three francs two sous a-bottle, which was, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 81]</a></span>beyond all
+comparison, far superior to what I drank, a couple of months ago, at the
+Duke of Devonshire&#8217;s, though his Grace prides himself on that very wine,
+and sent to a particular binn for a favourite specimen, when I observed
+to him I had tasted better in Paris. Out of politeness, I pretended to
+approve of his Grace&#8217;s choice; but I give you my honour&mdash;only I would
+not wish it to reach his Grace&#8217;s ears&mdash;it was not to be compared to what
+I had at Very&#8217;s for a moment.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;So flowed on Brady for a couple of hours. The Tooleries, as he thought
+proper to call them; the Louvre, with its pictures, the removal of which
+he deplored as a matter of taste, assuring us that he had used all his
+influence with the Emperor of Russia and the Duke of Wellington to
+prevent it, but in vain; the Boulevards, the opera, the theatres, the
+Champs Elys&eacute;es, the Montagnes Russes&mdash;everything, in short, about Paris,
+was depicted to the astonished mind of Miss Dosy. Then came
+London&mdash;where he belonged to I do not know how many clubs&mdash;and cut a
+most distinguished figure in the fashionable world. He was of the Prince
+Regent&#8217;s set, and assured us, on his honour, that there was never
+anything so ill-founded as the stories afloat to the discredit of that
+illustrious person. But on what happened at Carlton House, he felt
+obliged to keep silence, the Prince being remarkably strict in exacting
+a premise from every <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 82]</a></span>gentleman whom he admitted to his table, not to
+divulge anything that occurred there&mdash;a violation of which promise was
+the cause of the exclusion of Brummell. As for the Princess of Wales, he
+would rather not say anything.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And so forth. Now, in those days of my innocence, I believed these
+stories as gospel, hating the fellow all the while from the bottom of my
+heart, as I saw that he made a deep impression on Dosy, who sat in
+open-mouthed wonder, swallowing them down as a common-councilman
+swallows turtle. But times are changed. I have seen Paris and London
+since, and I believe I know both villages as well as most men, and the
+deuce a word of truth did Brady tell in his whole narrative. In Paris,
+when not in quarters (he had joined some six or eight months after
+Waterloo), he lived <i>au cinquanti&egrave;me</i> in a dog-hole in the Rue
+Git-le-C&oelig;ur (a street at what I may call the Surrey side of Paris),
+among carters and other such folk; and in London I discovered that his
+principal domicile was in one of the courts now demolished to make room
+for the fine new gimcrackery at Charing Cross; it was in Round Court, at
+a pieman&#8217;s of the name of Dudfield.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Dick Dudfield?&#8221; said Jack Ginger; &#8220;I knew the man well&mdash;a most
+particular friend of mine. He was a duffer besides being a pieman, and
+was transported some years ago. He is now a flourishing merchant in
+Australasia, and will, I suppose, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 83]</a></span>in due time be grandfather to a
+member of Congress.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;There it was that Brady lived then,&#8221; continued Bob Burke, &#8220;when he was
+hobnobbing with Georgius Quartus, and dancing at Almack&#8217;s with Lady
+Elizabeth Conynghame. Faith, the nearest approach he ever made to
+royalty was when he was put into the King&#8217;s own Bench, where he
+sojourned many a long day. What an ass I was to believe a word of such
+stuff! but, nevertheless, it goes down with the rustics to the present
+minute. I sometimes sport a duke or so myself, when I find myself among
+yokels, and I rise vastly in estimation by so doing. What do we come to
+London or Paris for, but to get some touch of knowing how to do things
+properly? It would be devilish hard, I think, for Ensign Brady, or
+Ensign Brady&#8217;s master, to do me nowadays by flamming off titles of high
+life.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The company did no more than justice to Mr Burke&#8217;s experience, by
+unanimously admitting that such a feat was all but impossible.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I was,&#8221; he went on, &#8220;a good deal annoyed at my inferiority, and I could
+not help seeing that Miss Dosy was making comparisons that were rather
+odious, as she glanced from the gay uniform of the Ensign on my
+habiliments, which having been perpetrated by a Mallow tailor with a
+hatchet, or pitchfork, or pickaxe, or some such tool, did not stand the
+scrutiny to advantage. I was, I think, a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 84]</a></span>better-looking fellow than
+Brady. Well, well&mdash;laugh if you like. I am no beauty, I know; but then,
+consider that what I am talking of was sixteen years ago, and more; and
+a man does not stand the battering I have gone through for these sixteen
+years with impunity. Do you call the thirty or forty thousand tumblers
+of punch, in all its varieties, that I have since imbibed, nothing?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes,&#8221; said Jack Ginger, with a sigh, &#8220;there was a song we used to sing
+on board the Brimstone, when cruising about the Spanish main&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="centerbox bbox"><p>&#8220;&#8216;If Mars leaves his scars, jolly Bacchus as well<br />
+Sets his trace on the face, which a toper will tell;<br />
+But which a more merry campaign has pursued,<br />
+The shedder of wine, or the shedder of blood?&#8217;</p></div>
+
+<p>&#8220;I forget the rest of it. Poor Ned Nixon! It was he who made that
+song&mdash;he was afterwards bit in two by a shark, having tumbled overboard
+in the cool of the evening, one fine summer day, off Port Royal.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Well, at all events,&#8221; said Burke, continuing his narrative, &#8220;I thought
+I was a better-looking fellow than my rival, and was fretted at being
+sung down. I resolved to outstay him&mdash;and though he sate long enough, I,
+who was more at home, contrived to remain after him, but it was only to
+hear him extolled.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;A very nice young man,&#8217; said Mrs Macnamara.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 85]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;&#8216;An extreme nice young man,&#8217; responded Miss Theodosia.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;A perfect gentleman in his manners; he puts me quite in mind of my
+uncle, the late Jerry O&#8217;Regan,&#8217; observed Mrs Macnamara.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Quite the gentleman in every particular,&#8217; ejaculated Miss Theodosia.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;He has seen a great deal of the world for so young a man,&#8217; remarked
+Mrs Macnamara.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;He has mixed in the best society, too,&#8217; cried Miss Theodosia.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;It is a great advantage to a young man to travel,&#8217; quoth Mrs
+Macnamara.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;And a very great disadvantage to a young man to be always sticking at
+home,&#8217; chimed in Miss Theodosia, looking at me; &#8216;it shuts them out from
+all chances of the elegance which we have just seen displayed by Ensign
+Brady of the 48th Foot.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;For my part,&#8217; said I, &#8216;I do not think him such an elegant fellow at
+all. Do you remember, Dosy Macnamara, how he looked when he got up out
+of the green puddle to-day?&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Mr Burke,&#8217; said she, &#8216;that was an accident that might happen any man.
+You were thrown yourself this day week, on clearing Jack Falvey&#8217;s
+wall&mdash;so you need not reflect on Mr Brady.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;If I was,&#8217; said I, &#8216;it was as fine a leap as ever was made; and I was
+on my mare in half a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 86]</a></span>shake afterwards. Bob Buller of Ballythomas, or
+Jack Prendergast, or Fergus O&#8217;Connor, could not have it rode it better.
+And you <span style="white-space: nowrap;">too&#8217;&mdash;&mdash;</span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Well,&#8217; said she, &#8216;I am not going to dispute with you. I am sleepy, and
+must get to bed.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Do, poor chicken,&#8217; said Mrs Macnamara, soothingly, &#8216;and, Bob, my dear,
+I wish it was in your power to go travel, and see the Booleries and the
+Tooleyvards, and the rest, and then you might be, in course of time, as
+genteel as Ensign Brady.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Heigho!&#8217; said Miss Dosy, ejecting a sigh. &#8216;Travel, Bob, travel.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;I will,&#8217; said I, at once, and left the house in the most abrupt
+manner, after consigning Ensign Brady to the particular attention of
+Tisiphone, Alecto, and Meg&aelig;ra, all compressed into one emphatic
+monosyllable.</p>
+
+<h3>CHAPTER IV.</h3>
+
+<h3>HOW BOB BURKE, AFTER AN INTERVIEW WITH BARNEY PULVERTAFT,<br />
+ASCERTAINED THAT HE WAS DESPERATELY IN LOVE<br />
+WITH MISS THEODOSIA MACNAMARA.</h3>
+
+<p>&#8220;On leaving Dosy&#8217;s lodgings, I began to consult the state of my heart.
+Am I really, said I, so much in love, as to lose my temper if this
+prating ensign should carry off the lady? I was much puzzled to resolve
+the question. I walked up and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 87]</a></span>down the Spa-Walk, whiffing a cigar, for
+a quarter of an hour, without being able to come to a decision. At last,
+just as the cigar was out, my eye caught a light in the window of Barney
+Pulvertaft, the attorney&mdash;old Six-and-Eightpence, as we used to call
+him. I knew he was the confidential agent of the Macnamaras; and as he
+had carried on sixteen lawsuits for my father, I thought I had a claim
+to learn something about the affairs of Miss Dosy. I understood she was
+an heiress, but had never, until now, thought of inquiring into the
+precise amount of her expectancies. Seeing that the old fellow was up, I
+determined to step over, and found him in the middle of law-papers,
+although it was then rather late, with a pot-bellied jug, of the
+bee-hive pattern, by his side, full of punch&mdash;or rather, I should say,
+half-full; for Six-and-Eightpence had not been idle. His snuff-coloured
+wig was cocked on one side of his head&mdash;his old velveteen breeches open
+at the knee&mdash;his cravat off&mdash;his shirt unbuttoned&mdash;his stockings half
+down his lean legs&mdash;his feet in a pair of worsted slippers. The old
+fellow was, in short, relaxed for the night, but he had his pen in his
+hand.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;I am only filling copies of <i>capiases</i>, Bob,&#8217; said he; &#8216;light and
+pleasant work, which does not distress one in an evening. There are a
+few of your friends booked here. What has brought you to me so late
+to-night?&mdash;but your father&#8217;s son is always <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 88]</a></span>welcome. Ay, there were few
+men like your father&mdash;never stagged in a lawsuit in his life&mdash;saw it
+always out to the end&mdash;drove it from court to court;&mdash;if he was beat,
+why, so much the worse, but he never fretted&mdash;if he won, faith! he
+squeezed the opposite party well. Ay, he was a good-hearted, honest,
+straightforward man. I wish I had a hundred such clients. So here&#8217;s his
+memory anyhow.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Six-and-Eightpence had a good right to give the toast, as what
+constituted the excellence of my father in his eyes had moved most of
+the good acres of Ballyburke out of the family into the hands of the
+lawyers; but from filial duty I complied with the attorney&#8217;s
+request&mdash;the more readily, because I well knew, from long experience,
+that his skill in punch-making was unimpeachable. So we talked about my
+father&#8217;s old lawsuits, and I got Barney into excellent humour, by
+letting him tell me of the great skill and infinite adroitness which he
+had displayed upon a multiplicity of occasions. It was not, however,
+until we were deep in the second jug, and Six-and-Eightpence was
+beginning to show symptoms of being <i>cut</i>, that I ventured to introduce
+the subject of my visit. I did it as cautiously as I could, but the old
+fellow soon found out my drift.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;No,&#8217; hiccuped he&mdash;&#8216;Bob&mdash;&#8217;twont&mdash;&#8217;twont&mdash;do. Close as green&mdash;green wax.
+Never te-tell profess-profess-professional secrets. Know her
+expec&mdash;hiccup&mdash;tances to a ten-ten-penny. So <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 89]</a></span>you are after&mdash;after&mdash;her?
+Ah, Bo-bob! She&#8217;ll be a ca-catch&mdash;but not a wo-word from me. No&mdash;never.
+Bar-ney Pe-pulverfta-taft is game to the last. Never be-betrayed ye-your
+father. God rest his soul&mdash;he was a wo-worthy man.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;On this recollection of the merits of my sainted sire, the attorney
+wept; and in spite of all his professional determinations, whether the
+potency of the fluid or the memory of the deceased acted upon him, I got
+at the facts. Dosy had not more than a couple of hundred pounds in the
+world&mdash;her mother&#8217;s property was an annuity which expired with herself;
+but her uncle, by the father&#8217;s side, Mick Macnamara of Kawleash, had an
+estate of at least five hundred a-year, which, in case of his dying
+without issue, was to come to her&mdash;besides a power of money saved; Mick
+being one who, to use the elegant phraseology of my friend the attorney,
+would skin a flea for the sake of selling the hide. All this money, ten
+thousand pounds, or something equally musical, would in all probability
+go to Miss Dosy&mdash;the &pound;500 a-year was hers by entail. Now, as her uncle
+was eighty-four years old, unmarried, and in the last stage of the
+palsy, it was a thing as sure as the bank, that Miss Dosy was a very
+rich heiress indeed.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;So&mdash;so,&#8217; said Six-and-Eightpence&mdash;&#8216;this&mdash;this&mdash;is strictly
+confiddle-confid-confiddledential. Do&mdash;do not say a word about
+it. I ought not to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 90]</a></span>have to-told it&mdash;but, you do-dog, you wheedled
+it out of me. Da-dang it, I co-could not ref-refuse your father&#8217;s
+son. You are ve-very like him&mdash;as I sa-saw him sitting many a
+ti-time in that cha-chair. But you nev-never will have his
+spu-spunk in a sho-shoot (suit). There, the lands of
+Arry-arry-arry-bally-bally-be-beg-clock-clough-macde-de-duagh&mdash;confound
+the wo-word&mdash;of Arryballybegcloughmacduagh, the finest be-bog in the
+co-country&mdash;are ye-yours&mdash;but you haven&#8217;t spu-spunk to go into
+Cha-chancery for it, like your worthy fa-father, Go-god rest his soul.
+Blow out that se-second ca-candle, Bo-bob, for I hate waste.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;There&#8217;s but one in the room, Barney,&#8217; said I.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;You mean to say,&#8217; hiccuped he, &#8216;that I am te-te-tipsy? Well, well,
+ye-young fe-fellows, well, I am their je-joke. However, as the je-jug is
+out, you must be je-jogging. Early to bed, and early to rise, is the way
+to <span style="white-space: nowrap;">be&mdash;&mdash;.</span> However, le-lend me your arm up the sta-stairs, for they are
+very slip-slippery to-night.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I conducted the attorney to his bedchamber, and safely stowed him into
+bed, while he kept stammering forth praises on my worthy father, and
+up-braiding me with want of spunk in not carrying on a Chancery suit
+begun by him some twelve years before, for a couple of hundred acres of
+bog, the value of which would scarcely have amounted to the price of the
+parchment expended on it. Having <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 91]</a></span>performed this duty, I proceeded
+homewards, labouring under a variety of sensations.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;How delicious is the feeling of love, when it first takes full
+possession of a youthful bosom! Before its balmy influence vanish all
+selfish thoughts&mdash;all grovelling notions. Pure and sublimated, the soul
+looks forward to objects beyond self, and merges all ideas of personal
+identity in aspirations of the felicity to be derived from the being
+adored. A thrill of rapture pervades the breast&mdash;an intense but bland
+flame permeates every vein&mdash;throbs in every pulse. Oh, blissful period,
+brief in duration, but crowded with thoughts of happiness never to recur
+again! As I gained the Walk, the moon was high and bright in heaven,
+pouring a flood of mild light over the trees. The stars shone with
+sapphire lustre in the cloudless sky&mdash;not a breeze disturbed the deep
+serene. I was alone. I thought of my love&mdash;of what else could I think?
+What I had just heard had kindled my passion for the divine Theodosia
+into a quenchless blaze. Yes, I exclaimed aloud, I <i>do</i> love her. Such
+an angel does not exist on the earth. What charms! What innocence! What
+horsewomanship! Five hundred a-year certain! Ten thousand pounds in
+perspective! I&#8217;ll repurchase the lands of Ballyburke&mdash;I&#8217;ll rebuild the
+hunting-lodge in the Galtees&mdash;I&#8217;ll keep a pack of hounds, and live a
+sporting life. Oh, dear, divine Theodosia, how I <i>do</i> adore you! I&#8217;ll
+shoot <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[Pg 92]</a></span>that Brady, and no mistake. How dare he interfere where my
+affections are so irrevocably fixed?</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Such were my musings. Alas! how we are changed as we progress through
+the world! That breast becomes arid, which once was open to every
+impression of the tender passion. The rattle of the dice-box beats out
+of the head the rattle of the quiver of Cupid&mdash;and the shuffling of the
+cards renders the rustling of his wings inaudible. The necessity of
+looking after a tablecloth supersedes that of looking after a petticoat,
+and we more willingly make an assignation with a mutton-chop, than with
+an angel in female form. The bonds of love are exchanged for those of
+the conveyancer&mdash;bills take the place of billets, and we do not protest,
+but are protested against, by a three-and-six-penny notary. Such are the
+melancholy effects of age. I knew them not then. I continued to muse
+full of sweet thoughts, until gradually the moon faded from the sky&mdash;the
+stars went out&mdash;and all was darkness. Morning succeeded to night, and,
+on awaking, I found that, owing to the forgetfulness in which the
+thoughts of the fair Theodosia had plunged me, I had selected the bottom
+step of old Barney Pulvertaft&#8217;s door as my couch, and was awakened from
+repose in consequence of his servant-maid (one Norry Mulcaky) having
+emptied the contents of her&mdash;washing-tub, over my slumbering person.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[Pg 93]</a></span></p><h3>CHAPTER V.</h3>
+
+<h3>HOW BOB BURKE, AFTER CONSULTATION WITH WOODEN-LEG<br />
+WADDY, FOUGHT THE DUEL WITH ENSIGN BRADY FOR THE<br />
+SAKE OF MISS THEODOSIA MACNAMARA.</h3>
+
+<p>&#8220;At night I had fallen asleep fierce in the determination of
+exterminating Brady; but with the morrow, cool reflection came&mdash;made
+probably cooler by the aspersion I had suffered. How could I fight him,
+when he had never given me the slightest affront? To be sure, picking a
+quarrel is not hard, thank God, in any part of Ireland; but unless I was
+quick about it, he might get so deep into the good graces of Dosy, who
+was as flammable as tinder, that even my shooting him might not be of
+any practical advantage to myself. Then, besides, he might shoot me;
+and, in fact, I was not by any means so determined in the affair at
+seven o&#8217;clock in the morning as I was at twelve o&#8217;clock at night. I got
+home, however, dressed, shaved, &amp;c., and turned out. &#8216;I think,&#8217; said I
+to myself, &#8216;the best thing I can do, is to go and consult Wooden-leg
+Waddy; and, as he is an early man, I shall catch him now.&#8217; The thought
+was no sooner formed than executed; and in less than five minutes I was
+walking with Wooden-leg Waddy in his garden, at the back of his house,
+by the banks of the Blackwater.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Waddy had been in the Hundred-and-First, and had seen much service in
+that distinguished corps.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[Pg 94]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;I remember it well during the war,&#8221; said Antony Harrison; &#8220;we used to
+call it the Hungry-and-Worst;&mdash;but it did its duty on a pinch
+nevertheless.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;No matter,&#8221; continued Burke; &#8220;Waddy had served a good deal, and lost
+his leg somehow, for which he had a pension besides his half-pay, and he
+lived in ease and affluence among the Bucks of Mallow. He was a great
+hand at settling and arranging duels, being what we generally call in
+Ireland a <i>judgmatical</i> sort of man&mdash;a word which, I think, might be
+introduced with advantage into the English vocabulary. When I called on
+him, he was smoking his meerschaum, as he walked up and down his garden
+in an old undress-coat, and a fur cap on his head. I bade him good
+morning; to which salutation he answered by a nod, and a more prolonged
+whiff.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;I want to speak to you, Wooden-leg,&#8217; said I, &#8216;on a matter which nearly
+concerns me.&#8217; On which, I received another nod, and another whiff in
+reply.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;The fact is,&#8217; said I, &#8216;that there is an Ensign Brady of the 48th
+quartered here, with whom I have some reason to be angry, and I am
+thinking of calling him out. I have come to ask your advice whether I
+should do so or not. He has deeply injured me, by interfering between me
+and the girl of my affections. What ought I to do in such a case?&#8217;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[Pg 95]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;&#8216;Fight him, by all means,&#8217; said Wooden-leg Waddy.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;But the difficulty is this&mdash;he has offered me no affront, direct or
+indirect&mdash;we have no quarrel whatever&mdash;and he has not paid any addresses
+to the lady. He and I have scarcely been in contact at all. I do not see
+how I can manage it immediately with any propriety. What then can I do
+now?&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Do not fight him, by any means,&#8217; said Wooden-leg Waddy.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Still these are the facts of the case. He, whether intentionally or
+not, is coming between me and my mistress, which is doing me an injury
+perfectly equal to the grossest insult. How should I act?&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Fight him, by all means,&#8217; said Wooden-leg Waddy.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;But then I fear if I were to call him out on a groundless quarrel, or
+one which would appear to be such, that I should lose the good graces of
+the lady, and be laughed at by my friends, or set down as a quarrelsome
+and dangerous companion.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Do not fight him then, by any means,&#8217; said Wooden-leg Waddy.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Yet as he is a military man, he must know enough of the etiquette of
+these affairs to feel perfectly confident that he has affronted me; and
+the opinion of a military man, standing, as of course he does, in the
+rank and position of a gentleman, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[Pg 96]</a></span>could not, I think, be overlooked
+without disgrace.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Fight him, by all means,&#8217; said Wooden-leg Waddy.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;But then, talking of gentlemen, I own he is an officer of the 48th,
+but his father is a fish-tackle seller in John Street, Kilkenny, who
+keeps a three-halfpenny shop, where you may buy everything, from a
+cheese to a cheese-toaster, from a felt hat to a pair of brogues, from a
+pound of brown soap to a yard of huckaback towels. He got his commission
+by his father&#8217;s retiring from the Ormonde interest, and acting as
+whipper-in to the sham freeholders from Castlecomer; and I am, as you
+know, of the best blood of the Burkes&mdash;straight from the De Burgos
+themselves&mdash;and when I think of that, I really do not like to meet this
+Mr Brady.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Do not fight him, by any means,&#8217; said Wooden-leg Waddy.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;This advice of your friend Waddy to you,&#8221; said Tom Meggot, interrupting
+Burke, &#8220;much resembles that which Pantagruel gave Panurge on the subject
+of his marriage, as I heard a friend of mine, Percy, of Gray&#8217;s Inn,
+reading to me the other day.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I do not know the people you speak of,&#8221; continued Bob, &#8220;but such was
+the advice which Waddy gave me.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Why,&#8217; said I, &#8216;Wooden-leg, my friend, this is like playing battledore
+and shuttlecock; what is <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[Pg 97]</a></span>knocked forward with one hand is knocked back
+with the other. Come, tell me what I ought to do.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Well,&#8217; said Wooden-leg, taking the meerschaum out of his mouth, &#8216;<i>in
+dubiis suspice</i>, &amp;c. Let us decide it by tossing a halfpenny. If it
+comes down <i>head</i>, you fight&mdash;if <i>harp</i>, you do not. Nothing can be
+fairer.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I assented.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Which,&#8217; said he, &#8216;is it to be&mdash;two out of three, as at Newmarket, or
+the first toss to decide?&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Sudden death,&#8217; said I, &#8216;and there will soon be an end of it.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Up went the halfpenny, and we looked with anxious eyes for its descent,
+when, unluckily, it stuck in a gooseberry-bush.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;I don&#8217;t like that,&#8217; said Wooden-leg Waddy; &#8216;for it&#8217;s a token of bad
+luck. But here goes again.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Again the copper soared to the sky, and down it came&mdash;<i>head</i>.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;I wish you joy, my friend,&#8217; said Waddy; &#8216;you are to fight. That was my
+opinion all along; though I did not like to commit myself. I can lend
+you a pair of the most beautiful duelling-pistols ever put into a man&#8217;s
+hand&mdash;Wogden&#8217;s, I swear. The last time they were out, they shot Joe
+Brown of Mount Badger as dead as Harry the Eighth.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Will you be my second?&#8217; said I.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Why, no,&#8217; replied Wooden-leg, &#8216;I cannot; for <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[Pg 98]</a></span>I am bound over by a
+rascally magistrate to keep the peace, because I barely broke the head
+of a blackguard bailiff, who came here to serve a writ on a friend of
+mine, with one of my spare legs. But I can get you a second at once. My
+nephew, Major Mug, has just come to me on a few days&#8217; visit, and, as he
+is quite idle, it will give him some amusement to be your second. Look
+up at his bedroom&mdash;you see he is shaving himself.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;In a short time the Major made his appearance, dressed with a most
+military accuracy of costume. There was not a speck of dust on his
+well-brushed blue surtout&mdash;not a vestige of hair, except the regulation
+whiskers, on his closely-shaven countenance. His hat was brushed to the
+most glossy perfection&mdash;his boots shone in the jetty glow of Day and
+Martin. There was scarcely an ounce of flesh on his hard and
+weather-beaten face, and, as he stood rigidly upright, you would have
+sworn that every sinew and muscle of his body was as stiff as whipcord.
+He saluted us in military style, and was soon put in possession of the
+case. Wooden-leg Waddy insinuated that there were hardly as yet grounds
+for a duel.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;I differ,&#8217; said Major Mug, &#8216;decidedly&mdash;the grounds are ample. I never
+saw a clearer case in my life, and I have been principal or second in
+seven-and-twenty. If I collect your story rightly, Mr Burke, he gave you
+an abrupt answer in the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[Pg 99]</a></span>field, which was highly derogatory to the lady
+in question, and impertinently rude to yourself?&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;He certainly,&#8217; said I, &#8216;gave me what we call a short answer; but I did
+not notice it at the time, and he has since made friends with the young
+lady.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;It matters nothing,&#8217; observed Major Mug, &#8216;what you may think, or she
+may think. The business is now in <i>my</i> hands, and I must see you through
+it. The first thing to be done is to write him a letter. Send out for
+paper&mdash;let it be gilt-edged, Waddy&mdash;that we may do the thing genteelly.
+I&#8217;ll dictate, Mr Burke, if you please.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And so he did. As well as I can recollect, the note was as follows:&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p class="right">&#8220;&#8216;<span class="smcap">Spa-Walk</span>, <span class="smcap">Mallow</span>, <i>June 3, 18&mdash;</i>.<br />
+<span style="margin-right: 1.5em;">&#8220;&#8216;Eight o&#8217;clock in the morning.</span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;<span class="smcap">Sir</span>,&mdash;A desire for harmony and peace, which has at all times
+actuated my conduct, prevented me, yesterday, from asking you
+the meaning of the short and contemptuous message which you
+commissioned me to deliver to a certain young lady of our
+acquaintance, whose name I do not choose to drag into a
+correspondence. But now that there is no danger of its
+disturbing any one, I must say that in your desiring me to tell
+that young lady she might consider herself as d&mdash;&mdash;d, you were
+guilty of conduct highly unbecoming of an officer and a
+gentleman, and subversive <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[Pg 100]</a></span>of the discipline of the hunt. I
+have the honour to be, sir, your most obedient humble servant,</p>
+
+<p class="right"><span style="margin-right: 1.5em;">&#8220;&#8216;<span class="smcap">Robert Burke</span>.</span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;P. S.&mdash;This note will be delivered to you by my friend, Major
+Mug, of the 3d West Indian; and you will, I trust, see the
+propriety of referring him to another gentleman without further
+delay.&#8217;</p></div>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;That, I think, is neat,&#8217; said the Major. &#8216;Now, seal it with wax, Mr
+Burke, with wax&mdash;and let the seal be your arms. That&#8217;s right. Now,
+direct it.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Ensign Brady?&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;No&mdash;no&mdash;the right thing would be, &#8220;Mr Brady, Ensign, 48th foot,&#8221; but
+custom allows &#8220;Esquire.&#8221; That will do.&mdash;&#8220;Thady Brady, Esq., Ensign, 48th
+Foot, Barracks, Mallow.&#8221; He shall have it in less than a quarter of an
+hour.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The Major was as good as his word, and in about half an hour he brought
+back the result of his mission. The Ensign, he told us, was extremely
+reluctant to fight, and wanted to be off, on the ground that he had
+meant no offence, did not even remember having used the expression, and
+offered to ask the lady if she conceived for a moment he had any idea of
+saying anything but what was complimentary to her.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;In fact,&#8217; said the Major, &#8216;he at first plumply refused to fight; but I
+soon brought him to reason. &#8220;Sir,&#8221; said I, &#8220;you either consent to fight,
+or refuse <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[Pg 101]</a></span>to fight. In the first case, the thing is settled to hand,
+and we are not called upon to inquire if there was an affront or not&mdash;in
+the second case, your refusal to comply with a gentleman&#8217;s request is,
+of itself, an offence for which he has a right to call you out. Put it,
+then, on any grounds, you must fight him. It is perfectly indifferent to
+me what the grounds may be; and I have only to request the name of your
+friend, as I too much respect the coat you wear to think that there can
+be any other alternative.&#8221; This brought the chap to his senses, and he
+referred me to Captain Codd, of his own regiment, at which I felt much
+pleased, because Codd is an intimate friend of my own, he and I having
+fought a duel three years ago in Falmouth, in which I lost the top of
+this little finger, and he his left whisker. It was a near touch. He is
+as honourable a man as ever paced a ground; and I am sure that he will
+no more let his man off the field until business is done, than I would
+myself.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I own,&#8221; continued Burke, &#8220;I did not half relish this announcement of
+the firm purpose of our seconds; but I was in for it, and could not get
+back. I sometimes thought Dosy a dear purchase at such an expense; but
+it was no use to grumble. Major Mug was sorry to say that there was a
+review to take place immediately, at which the Ensign must attend, and
+it was impossible for him to meet me until the evening; &#8216;but,&#8217; added he,
+&#8216;at this time of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[Pg 102]</a></span>the year it can be of no great consequence. There will
+be plenty of light till nine, but I have fixed <i>seven</i>. In the mean
+time, you may as well divert yourself with a little pistol-practice, but
+do it on the sly, as, if they were shabby enough to have a trial, it
+would not tell well before the jury.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Promising to take a quiet chop with me at five, the Major retired,
+leaving me not quite contented with the state of affairs. I sat down,
+and wrote a letter to my cousin, Phil Purdon of Kanturk, telling him
+what I was about, and giving directions what was to be done in the case
+of any fatal event. I communicated to him the whole story&mdash;deplored my
+unhappy fate in being thus cut off in the flower of my youth&mdash;left him
+three pair of buckskin breeches&mdash;and repented my sins. This letter I
+immediately packed off by a special messenger, and then began
+half-a-dozen others, of various styles of tenderness and sentimentality,
+to be delivered after my melancholy decease. The day went off fast
+enough, I assure you; and at five the Major, and Wooden-leg Waddy,
+arrived in high spirits.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Here, my boy,&#8217; said Waddy, handing me the pistols, &#8216;here are the
+flutes; and pretty music, I can tell you, they make.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;As for dinner,&#8217; said Major Mug, &#8216;I do not much care; but, Mr Burke, I
+hope it is ready, as I am rather hungry. We must dine lightly, however,
+and drink not much. If we come off with flying <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[Pg 103]</a></span>colours, we may crack a
+bottle together by-and-by; in case you shoot Brady, I have everything
+arranged for our keeping out of the way until the thing blows over&mdash;if
+he shoot you, I&#8217;ll see you buried. Of course, you would not recommend
+anything so ungenteel as a prosecution? No. I&#8217;ll take care it shall all
+appear in the papers, and announce that Robert Burke, Esq., met his
+death with becoming fortitude, assuring the unhappy survivor that he
+heartily forgave him, and wished him health and happiness.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;I must tell you,&#8217; said Wooden-leg Waddy, &#8216;it&#8217;s all over Mallow, and
+the whole town will be on the ground to see it. Miss Dosy knows of it,
+and is quite delighted&mdash;she says she will certainly marry the survivor.
+I spoke to the magistrate to keep out of the way, and he promised that,
+though it deprived him of a great pleasure, he would go and dine five
+miles off&mdash;and know nothing about it. But here comes dinner. Let us be
+jolly.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I cannot say that I played on that day as brilliant a part with the
+knife and fork as I usually do, and did not sympathise much in the
+speculations of my guests, who pushed the bottle about with great
+energy, recommending me, however, to refrain. At last the Major looked
+at his watch, which he had kept lying on the table before him from the
+beginning of dinner&mdash;started up&mdash;clapped me on the shoulder, and
+declaring it only wanted six minutes <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[Pg 104]</a></span>and thirty-five seconds of the
+time, hurried me off to the scene of action&mdash;a field close by the
+Castle.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;There certainly was a miscellaneous assemblage of the inhabitants of
+Mallow, all anxious to see the duel. They had pitted us like game-cocks,
+and bets were freely taken as to the chances of our killing one another,
+and the particular spots. One betted on my being hit in the jaw, another
+was so kind as to lay the odds on my knee. A tolerably general opinion
+appeared to prevail that one or other of us was to be killed; and much
+good-humoured joking took place among them, while they were deciding
+which. As I was double the thickness of my antagonist, I was clearly the
+favourite for being shot; and I heard one fellow near me say, &#8216;Three to
+two on Burke, that he&#8217;s shot first&mdash;I bet in ten-pennies.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Brady and Codd soon appeared, and the preliminaries were arranged with
+much punctilio between our seconds, who mutually and loudly extolled
+each other&#8217;s gentlemanlike mode of doing business. Brady could scarcely
+stand with fright, and I confess that I did not feel quite as Hector of
+Troy, or the Seven Champions of Christendom, are reported to have done
+on similar occasions. At last the ground was measured&mdash;the pistols
+handed to the principals&mdash;the handkerchief dropped&mdash;whiz! went the
+bullet within an inch of my ear&mdash;and crack! went mine exactly on Ensign
+Brady&#8217;s waistcoat pocket. By <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[Pg 105]</a></span>an unaccountable accident, there was a
+five-shilling piece in that very pocket, and the ball glanced away,
+while Brady doubled himself down, uttering a loud howl that might be
+heard half a mile off. The crowd was so attentive as to give a huzza for
+my success.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Codd ran up to his principal, who was writhing as if he had ten
+thousand colics, and soon ascertained that no harm was done.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;What do you propose,&#8217; said he to my second&mdash;&#8216;What do you propose to
+do, Major?&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;As there is neither blood drawn nor bone broken,&#8217; said the Major, &#8216;I
+think that shot goes for nothing.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;I agree with you,&#8217; said Captain Codd.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;If your party will apologise,&#8217; said Major Mug, &#8216;I&#8217;ll take my man off
+the ground.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Certainly,&#8217; said Captain Codd, &#8216;you are quite right, Major, in asking
+the apology, but you know that it is my duty to refuse it.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;You are correct, Captain,&#8217; said the Major; &#8216;I then formally require
+that Ensign Brady apologise to Mr Burke.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;I as formally refuse it,&#8217; said Captain Codd.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;We must have another shot then,&#8217; said the Major.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Another shot, by all means,&#8217; said the Captain.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Captain Codd,&#8217; said the Major, &#8216;you have <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[Pg 106]</a></span>shown yourself in this, as
+in every transaction of your life, a perfect gentleman.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;He who would dare to say,&#8217; replied the Captain, &#8216;that Major Mug is not
+among the most gentlemanlike men in the service, would speak what is
+untrue.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Our seconds bowed, took a pinch of snuff together, and proceeded to
+load the pistols. Neither Brady nor I was particularly pleased at these
+complimentary speeches of the gentlemen, and, I am sure, had we been
+left to ourselves, would have declined the second shot. As it was, it
+appeared inevitable.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Just, however, as the process of loading was completing, there appeared
+on the ground my cousin Phil Purdon, rattling in on his black mare as
+hard as he could lick. When he came in sight he bawled out,&mdash;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;I want to speak to the plaintiff in this action&mdash;I mean, to one of the
+parties in this duel. I want to speak to you, Bob Burke.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;The thing is impossible, sir,&#8217; said Major Mug.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Perfectly impossible, sir,&#8217; said Captain Codd.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Possible or impossible is nothing to the question,&#8217; shouted Purdon;
+&#8216;Bob, I <i>must</i> speak to you.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;It is contrary to all regulation,&#8217; said the Major.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Quite contrary,&#8217; said the Captain.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Phil, however, persisted, and approached me. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[Pg 107]</a></span>&#8216;Are you fighting about
+Dosy Mac?&#8217; said he to me in a whisper.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Yes,&#8217; I replied.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;And she is to marry the survivor, I understand?&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;So I am told,&#8217; said I.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Back out, Bob, then; back out, at the rate of a hunt. Old Mick
+Macnamara is married.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Married!&#8217; I exclaimed.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Poz,&#8217; said he. &#8216;I drew the articles myself. He married his housemaid,
+a girl of eighteen; and,&#8217;&mdash;here he whispered.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;What,&#8217; I cried, &#8216;six months!&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Six months,&#8217; said he, &#8216;and no mistake.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Ensign Brady,&#8217; said I, immediately coming forward, &#8216;there has been a
+strange misconception in this business. I here declare, in presence of
+this honourable company, that you have acted throughout like a man of
+honour, and a gentleman; and you leave the ground without a stain on
+your character.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Brady hopped three feet off the ground with joy at the unexpected
+deliverance. He forgot all etiquette, and came forward to shake me by
+the hand.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;My dear Burke,&#8217; said he, &#8216;it must have been a mistake: let us swear
+eternal friendship.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;For ever,&#8217; said I. &#8216;I resign you Miss Theodosia.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[Pg 108]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;&#8216;You are too generous,&#8217; he said, &#8216;but I cannot abuse your generosity.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;It is unprecedented conduct,&#8217; growled Major Mug. &#8216;I&#8217;ll never be second
+to a <i>Pekin</i> again.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;<i>My</i> principal leaves the ground with honour,&#8217; said Captain Codd,
+looking melancholy nevertheless.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Humph!&#8217; grunted Wooden-leg Waddy, lighting his meerschaum.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The crowd dispersed much displeased, and I fear my reputation for
+valour did not rise among them. I went off with Purdon to finish a jug
+at Carmichael&#8217;s, and Brady swaggered off to Miss Dosy&#8217;s. His renown for
+valour won her heart. It cannot be denied that I sunk deeply in her
+opinion. On that very evening Brady broke his love, and was accepted.
+Mrs Mac. opposed, but the red-coat prevailed.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;He may rise to be a general,&#8217; said Dosy, &#8216;and be a knight, and then I
+will be Lady Brady.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Or if my father should be made an earl, angelic Theodosia, you would
+be Lady Thady Brady,&#8217; said the Ensign.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Beautiful prospect!&#8217; cried Dosy, &#8216;Lady Thady Brady! What a harmonious
+sound!&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But why dally over the detail of my unfortunate loves? Dosy and the
+Ensign were married before the accident which had befallen her uncle was
+discovered; and if they were not happy, why, then you and I may. They
+have had eleven children, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[Pg 109]</a></span>and, I understand, he now keeps a comfortable
+eating-house close by Cumberland Basin in Bristol. Such was my duel with
+Ensign Brady of the 48th.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Your fighting with Brady puts me in mind, that the finest duel I ever
+saw,&#8221; said Joe MacGillycuddy, &#8220;was between a butcher and bull-dog, in
+the Diamond of Derry.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am obliged to you for your comparison,&#8221; said Burke, &#8220;but I think it
+is now high time for dinner, and your beautiful story will keep. Has
+anybody the least idea where dinner is to be raised?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>To this no answer was returned, and we all began to reflect with the
+utmost intensity.</p>
+
+<hr class="large" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[Pg 1]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="THE_HEADSMAN" id="THE_HEADSMAN"></a>THE HEADSMAN.</h2>
+
+<h4>A TALE OF DOOM.</h4>
+
+<h4>[<i>MAGA</i>. <span class="smcap">February</span> 1830.]</h4>
+
+<p class="n"><span style="float:left;font-size:40px;line-height:25px;padding-top:2px;padding-bottom:1px;">O</span>n a dark and gusty evening in November 178&mdash;, three students at a
+university in Northern Germany were sitting with Professor N. around the
+stove of his study. These four individuals had in the morning
+accompanied a much-valued friend, who was finally quitting the
+university, on the first stage of his journey homeward, and had returned
+at the full speed of their jaded horses, to reach the city before the
+closing of the gates. On arrival within the ramparts, they were invited
+by the Professor to drown their parting sorrow in a bowl of punch, and
+accompanied him to his abode, where they sat for some time gazing at the
+crackling firewood in the stove, and musing in silent melancholy upon
+the social and endearing qualities of the friend with whom they had
+parted&mdash;perhaps for ever. Meanwhile the materials for the most cheering
+of all potations lay untouched upon the table, the candles <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[Pg 2]</a></span>remained
+unlighted and forgotten, and, as if by tacit agreement, the friends
+continued to indulge in retrospective musings until the twilight waned
+into darkness, and the flickering light from the open door of the stove
+just enabled each of them to discern the saddened features of his
+neighbour. When returning to the city, their exhausted spirits had been
+painfully jarred by the spectacle, so rare in Germany, of a scaffold
+erecting without the ramparts for the execution of a murderer. Some
+remarks of the humane Professor upon the crime and punishment of the
+condemned did not tend to cheer the young men, who replied in
+monosyllables, and were pondering in mute and melancholy excitement upon
+the awful catastrophe so near at hand, when a tap at the door made them
+all start from the reverie in which they had been too deeply absorbed to
+hear any one ascending the stairs. &#8220;Come in,&#8221; at length shouted the
+Professor, after pausing a little to recollect himself. The door was
+gently opened, and the dying flame in the stove threw its last blaze
+upon the pallid features of a tall and handsome youth, who entered the
+room with diffidence, and inquired if Professor N. was at home. &#8220;Here I
+am, my dear Julius,&#8221; answered the kind Professor, as he rose from his
+chair, and grasped with cordial pressure the hand of the inquirer. &#8220;Can
+I do anything to oblige you?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I have called upon you to request a favour,&#8221; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[Pg 3]</a></span>answered the stranger
+hesitatingly, as he surveyed with searching looks the three students,
+whose features were not distinguishable in the Rembrandt chiaroscuro of
+the Professor&#8217;s study.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;If no secret,&#8221; said the Professor briskly, as he replenished his stove
+with beechwood, &#8220;explain yourself freely. All present are my particular
+friends, and certainly no enemies of yours. Say, my dear boys! you all
+know and respect our worthy Harpocrates?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The students briefly assented, and the Professor invited the stranger to
+take a seat near the fire, which, darting playfully through the pile of
+beech, soon roared loudly up the chimney. &#8220;I believe that Lieutenant B.
+is your near relation?&#8221; began the pale youth, in tones which betrayed an
+inward tremor.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;He is my nephew,&#8221; replied the Professor.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I have understood,&#8221; continued the stranger, &#8220;that he will command the
+detachment ordered on duty at the execution to-morrow. I am particularly
+desirous to stand near the criminal at the moment of decapitation, and
+wish, through your kind interference with the Lieutenant, to obtain
+admission within the circle.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;By all means,&#8221; answered the Professor. &#8220;My nephew has invited me to
+accompany him, but I have declined it, and I must own that your request
+surprises me no little. How is it, my dear Julius, that you, who are by
+nature and habit so gentle and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[Pg 4]</a></span>fastidious, can seek such strong aliment
+as the near inspection of a public execution? Even I, who served three
+campaigns in the artillery before I betook myself to mathematics, could
+not face a catastrophe so appalling.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I study anatomy as an amateur,&#8221; replied Julius, somewhat disconcerted;
+&#8220;and, as I may eventually embrace the medical profession, it is
+essential to my purpose to steel my nerves by inuring them to every
+trying spectacle.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You are right, Julius!&#8221; exclaimed the Professor, with cordial assent.
+&#8220;Trials are the fostering element of great hearts and lofty natures. To
+become great in anything, we must take the Egyptian test, and purify our
+feeble minds by passing through fire and water. Call upon me to-morrow
+morning at seven. I will introduce you to my nephew, and he shall give
+you a place near the headsman. And now, not another word on this painful
+subject, which has haunted us ever since we heard the workmen hammering
+the scaffold this afternoon. So cheer up, my dear boys! Light the
+candles, and fill your meerschaums, while I compound a bowl of such
+punch as Anacreon would have made, had he known how.&mdash;No, no! my dear
+Julius,&#8221; he continued, seizing the arm of the young stranger, who was
+rising to depart. &#8220;A friendly chance has brought you into our cordial
+circle, and I must insist upon your remaining my guest.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[Pg 5]</a></span></p><p>In vain did the three students, by whom Julius was more respected than
+liked, indicate by significant looks their objection to his stay; the
+benevolent Professor, who had long observed, with better feelings than
+curiosity, the pale features and habitual depression of a youth
+distinguished by great intellectual promise, persevered in his
+hospitable attempt, and at length succeeded in subduing his visible
+reluctance to stay.</p>
+
+<p>Julius Arenbourg had been three years a student at the university, but
+his retiring habits and invincible taciturnity had hitherto prevented
+any free and amicable communion with his fellow-students. His name was
+that of a Swiss, or of a Strasburger; and, although he spoke German with
+facility, there were certain peculiarities of accent and idiom in his
+language which betrayed a longer familiarity with French: he shunned,
+however, all intercourse with the Swiss and French students at the
+university, and his country and connections were still a matter of
+conjecture. His engaging person and address, and the dejection so
+legibly written in his countenance, had excited on his arrival an
+immediate and general impression in his favour, but he shunned alike
+exclusive intimacy and general intercourse; his replies were either
+commonplaces or monosyllables; and as the unhappy and reserved find
+little sympathy from the young and joyous, his fellow-students dubbed
+him the Harpocrates of the university, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[Pg 6]</a></span>and left him to solitude and
+self-communion.</p>
+
+<p>The kind-hearted Professor, desirous to lead this interesting youth into
+habits of social ease and intimacy with the students present, exerted
+his colloquial powers, and endeavoured to lead them into general
+conversation; but his benevolent endeavours were baffled by the
+ineradicable impression which the approaching execution had made upon
+the mind of every student of good feeling in the university; and the
+successive attempts of the Professor were succeeded by long intervals of
+brooding and melancholy silence. At length, one of the young men,
+notwithstanding his host&#8217;s prohibition, could no longer refrain from
+adverting to this all-absorbing subject. &#8220;Excuse me, Professor,&#8221; he
+began, &#8220;but I find it impossible to withdraw my thoughts, even for a
+moment, from the present situation of the poor wretch who is so soon to
+bend his neck to the executioner. It appears to me, that the intervening
+hours of deadly and rising terror, are the real and atoning punishment,
+and not the friendly blow which releases him from the fear of death.
+Even the reprieve, sometimes granted on the scaffold, is no compensation
+for terrors so intense. The criminal has already died many deaths, and
+the new existence, thus tardily bestowed, can be compared only with the
+revival of the seeming dead in his coffin. Gracious Heaven!&#8221; he
+continued, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[Pg 7]</a></span>with shuddering emotion, &#8220;how dreadfully bitter must be the
+sensations of the poor fellow at this moment!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;In all probability,&#8221; replied another student, &#8220;he has either made up
+his mind to the impending catastrophe, or he finds sustaining
+consolation in the hope of a reprieve. At all events, his reflections
+must have, in my opinion, a more justified character than those of the
+wretch, who, before another sunset, with a firm eye and unsparing hand,
+with as little remorse as the butcher who kills a lamb, will shed the
+blood of a fellow-creature&mdash;of one who never injured him in deed or
+thought&mdash;who will kneel to him with folded hands, and humbly stretch his
+neck to the fatal blow. Verily, I think that I would rather thus suffer
+death, than thus inflict it.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Does not this view of the subject,&#8221; remarked the third student,
+&#8220;justify, in some measure, the so often ridiculed prejudice of the
+uneducated multitude, who pronounce an executioner infamous, because
+they cannot otherwise define the disgust which his appearance, even
+across a street, invariably excites?<a name="FNanchor_B_2" id="FNanchor_B_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_B_2" class="fnanchor">[B]</a> And may not this association of
+ideas be grounded on a religious feeling? The Mosaic law provided a
+sanctuary for the blood-guilty <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[Pg 8]</a></span>who had committed murder in sudden
+wrath; and, except in cases of rare enormity, compassion for the
+criminal must tend to increase the popular detestation of a man, who, in
+consideration of a good salary, is ever ready to shed the blood of a
+fellow-creature.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;For the honour of human nature,&#8221; observed the Professor, &#8220;I will hope
+that, could we read the hearts of many who fulfil this terrible duty to
+society, we should behold, both before and during its exercise, strong
+feelings of reluctance and compassion. I can conceive, too, that those
+who have by long habit become callous to their vocation, are by no means
+destitute of kindly feeling in matters unconnected with their calling;
+but I do not comprehend how any man can voluntarily devote himself to an
+office which excludes him for life from the sympathy and society of his
+fellow-men; nor do I believe that this terrible vocation is ever
+adopted, except by those who, through early training, or a long course
+of crime, have blunted the best feelings of human nature.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Julius, who had hitherto been a silent but attentive listener, now
+addressed the Professor with an animation which surprised all present.
+&#8220;You must excuse me, Professor,&#8221; said he, &#8220;if I dissent from your last
+remark. You seem to have overlooked the fact, that the numerous
+individuals devoted to this melancholy office, in Germany and France,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[Pg 9]</a></span>compose two large families severally connected by intermarriages and
+adoptions. In France especially, the executioner is under a compulsory
+obligation to transmit his office to one of his sons, who grows up with
+a consciousness of this necessity; and, being systematically trained to
+it, he submits, in most instances, without repining, to his painful lot.
+If the executioner has only daughters, he adopts a young man, who
+becomes his son-in-law and successor. I knew an instance of adoption
+which affords decisive evidence, that even a youth of education and
+refinement, of spotless integrity, diffident, gentle, and humane to a
+fault, may be compelled, by the force of circumstances, to undertake an
+office from which his nature recoils with abhorrence, and from which, in
+this instance, the party would have been saved by a higher degree of
+moral courage.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It was here remarked by one of the students, that cruel propensities and
+a want of courage were perfectly compatible.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But I am speaking of a <i>good</i> man,&#8221; warmly rejoined Julius, &#8220;and good
+in the best and most comprehensive sense of the word. A man, not only
+pure from all offence, but of primitive and uncorrupted singleness of
+heart. For the truth of this I can pledge myself, for I know him well.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>At this undisguised avowal of his acquaintance with a public
+executioner, his auditors looked at <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[Pg 10]</a></span>him, and at each other, with
+obvious dismay. &#8220;Oh!&#8221; continued he, with a mournful smile, while his
+pale face was flushed with strong emotion, &#8220;wonder not at this
+acknowledgment. I can assure you, that, on my part, the acquaintance was
+involuntary; and had we not already devoted too much time to this
+painful subject, I could, by relating this headsman&#8217;s strange and
+eventful history, fully vindicate my opinion of him, and of the unhappy
+caste to which he belongs.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The Professor, who thought that the detail of an interesting story would
+excite in the three students a friendly feeling for the melancholy
+narrator, besought him earnestly to indulge them with the recital. &#8220;In
+our present frame of mind,&#8221; he added, &#8220;your narrative will lay a strong
+hold, and will doubtless tend to reconcile our various opinions.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The students warmly seconded the Professor&#8217;s entreaties, and, thus
+called upon, Julius could no longer hesitate to comply. A flush of
+timidity, or of some more deeply-seated feeling, darkened his pale
+forehead, while he paused some moments as if to collect his firmness for
+a trying effort. He then began, in tones which, although tremulous at
+first, became deep and impressive as he proceeded; while the Professor
+and his friends, little prepared to expect any continuous recital from
+one who rarely uttered a connected sentence, listened with <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[Pg 11]</a></span>strong and
+rising interest to the following narrative.</p>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<p>It is about five-and-thirty years since a murderer was condemned to
+suffer death by the sword, at a town in western Normandy; and, on the
+morning of the execution, two senior pupils of the Jesuit-seminary went,
+by permission of their superiors, to view a spectacle of rare occurrence
+in that province. The cordial intimacy subsisting between these youths
+had long been a problem, both to their teachers and schoolfellows. So
+widely different, indeed, were they in appearance and character, and so
+harshly did the ferocity and cunning of the one contrast with the pure
+and gentle habits of the other, that they were called the &#8220;Wolf and the
+Lamb.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The older of them, named Bartholdy, was a native of Strasburg, tall and
+robust in person, but high-shouldered, stooping, and in dress and gait
+slovenly and clownish. His yellow visage was deeply furrowed with the
+small-pox, and his remarkably large and staring eyes, which were of a
+pale and milky blue, indicated a dulness bordering on imbecility. This
+appearance, however, was belied by his habitual cunning, and by the
+dexterity with which he often contrived to exculpate himself under
+criminatory circumstances. His spreading <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[Pg 12]</a></span>jawbones, large mouth, and
+coarsely-moulded lips, truly betokened his proneness to sensual
+gratifications; and the collective expression of his forbidding features
+was so remarkable, that a single glance sufficed to fix it in the memory
+for ever. It was rumoured in the seminary, that this youth had been sent
+by his friends to a school so remote from Strasburg in consequence of
+some highly culpable irregularities; and certainly these rumours were
+justified by occasional instances of wolfish ferocity and deliberate
+duplicity, for which he was severely but vainly punished.</p>
+
+<p>Florian, the friend of Bartholdy, although nearly of the same age, was
+shorter by the head. His figure was slender and elegant&mdash;his countenance
+eminently prepossessing and ingenuous. His complexion was of that pure
+red and white, through which every flitting emotion is instantaneously
+legible. His hazel eyes sparkled with intelligence; locks of glossy
+chestnut curled round his fair and open forehead; and there was about
+his lips and smile a winning grace, which, at maturer age, would have
+been thought too feminine. Although not regularly handsome, there was in
+his form and features that harmonious configuration which is termed
+beauty of character, and which, when accompanied by the correspondent
+moral graces of gentleness and refinement, often lays a more enduring
+hold of the affections than beauty of a more <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[Pg 13]</a></span>dignified and masculine
+order. An habitual and blushing timidity of address, of which he was
+painfully conscious, made him shrink from a free and general intercourse
+with his fellow-pupils. He had few friends, because his bashful habits
+had made him fastidious and reserved; but his gentle and unassuming
+deportment, and the invariable sweetness of his temper, endeared him to
+the few who had penetration enough to discern his real merits; and so
+far recommended him to all, that the existence of an enemy was
+impossible.</p>
+
+<p>Thus widely opposite in physical and moral attributes were Florian and
+Bartholdy; and yet so cordial appeared their attachment, so incessant
+was their intercourse, that the presiding Jesuits could only solve this
+psychological enigma by conjecturing that Bartholdy, whose fierce temper
+and great bodily strength made him detested and shunned by every other
+boy, had found in the gentle sympathies of the unspoiled and credulous
+Florian a relief which long habit had made essential to him. It is
+probable, too, that the often guilty, and ever equivocal Bartholdy, had
+found a protecting influence in the warm adherence of one whose purity
+of mind and character were universally acknowledged. His specious
+reasoning rarely failed to convince the confiding Florian that he was
+unjustly accused, and on several occasions he was screened from
+well-merited punishment by the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[Pg 14]</a></span>favourable testimony of a friend whose
+veracity was above all suspicion.</p>
+
+<p>Florian, on the other hand, was flattered by the consciousness of his
+power to protect one so much feared by all but himself, and whom he
+thought unjustly persecuted. He was bound to him also by the tie of
+gratitude, for the protection which he derived from the size and
+strength of Bartholdy when insulted or aggrieved in the quarrels which
+so often occur in large seminaries. Gradually, however, this exclusive
+intercourse with one so generally detested, alienated from Florian the
+good-will of his schoolfellows. Even the few who had most esteemed him,
+now shunned his society; and the two friends, finding themselves
+excluded from all participation in the sports and feelings of others,
+became more than ever essential to each other. This enduring intimacy of
+two beings so opposite had been long watched by the Jesuits who
+conducted the establishment; but, with their wonted sagacity, they
+forbore to check this singular friendship; not, however, in the hope of
+any amelioration in the habits of Bartholdy, but with a view to learn
+from the unqualified sincerity of Florian what the duplicity of the
+other would have concealed. Hoping that the trying spectacle of a public
+execution would make a salutary impression upon the hitherto callous
+feelings of Bartholdy, the reverend fathers had permitted him and his
+friend to be present on this awful <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[Pg 15]</a></span>occasion. Florian, who, at the
+urgent and often-repeated entreaties of Bartholdy, had applied for this
+permission, followed him with reluctant steps, and a heart beating with
+terror, and was prevented only by the jeers and remonstrances of his
+companion from running back to school, and burying his head under his
+bed-clothes, until the rush of the excited multitude, and the deep
+rolling of the drums and deathbells, had ceased. As usual, however, his
+complying temper yielded to the persuasion of his plausible and reckless
+friend, with whom he gained an elevated station, and so near the
+scaffold as to enable them to discern the features of the hapless
+criminal. Florian saw him kneel before the headsman; the broad weapon
+glittered in the sun-beams, and the assumed firmness of the trembling
+gazer utterly failed him. An ashy paleness overspread his features; his
+joints shook with terror; and closing his eyes, he saved himself from
+falling by clinging to the arm of Bartholdy, who, with unshaken nerves,
+opened to their full extent his large dull eyes, and glutted his savage
+curiosity by gazing with intense eagerness on the appalling scene. In a
+few seconds the severed head fell upon the scaffold; the headsman&#8217;s
+assistant, grasping the matted locks, held it aloft to the gazing crowd;
+and Bartholdy exclaimed, with heartless indifference, &#8220;Come along,
+Florian! &#8217;tis all over, and capitally done! I would bet a louis that you
+saw nothing, and yet your <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[Pg 16]</a></span>face looks as white as if it had left your
+shoulders. Be more a man, Florian. If thus daunted at the sight of
+another&#8217;s execution, how would you face your own, if destined to mount
+the scaffold?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Face my own!&#8221; exclaimed Florian, shuddering at the suggestion. &#8220;God
+forbid! I shall take good care to avoid it.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Say not so,&#8221; rejoined Bartholdy; &#8220;no man can avoid his doom; and it may
+be yours or mine to die upon the scaffold. <i>Avoid it</i>, indeed! I wish
+from my soul that you had never uttered those unlucky words. How often
+do the very evils we most carefully shun fall upon our devoted heads! My
+mind has been long made up to avoid nothing; and, soon as I become my
+own master, I will throw myself on the world, and grapple with it
+boldly. <i>Avoid</i> your destiny, indeed! Beware of using those words again;
+for, trust me, Florian, they bode no good to you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The timid Florian felt his blood freeze as he listened; but,
+recollecting himself, he was about to express his perfect reliance upon
+the integrity of his life and principles, when he shuddered with new
+dismay as he recollected the judicial murder of Calas, and considered
+the complexities of human and circumstantial evidence. In deep and
+silent dejection, he walked homeward with his friend. He felt as if his
+existence had been blighted by some sudden and dreadful calamity; and
+even fancied <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[Pg 17]</a></span>that he saw his future fate rising before him in storm and
+darkness, through which menacing images were indistinctly shadowed.
+Bartholdy, meanwhile, appeared as much exhilarated as if returning from
+a comedy, and amused himself with making sarcastic and ludicrous remarks
+upon the saddened countenances of the returning spectators.</p>
+
+<p>The lapse of several months gradually weakened the strong hold which the
+execution, and the strange comments of Bartholdy, had laid upon the
+imagination of Florian, but they tended to increase the timid indecision
+of his character, and induced a disposition to endure, in uncomplaining
+silence, many school annoyances, which more energy of character would
+have easily repelled. An extraordinary incident, however, gave a new
+turn to his situation. About six months after the execution, Bartholdy
+suddenly disappeared from the seminary; and this unaccountable event, by
+which Florian was the only sufferer, was neither explained nor even
+alluded to by the reverend fathers. To the scholars, who in vain sought
+an explanation of this mystery from the friend of Bartholdy, it was for
+some weeks a subject of wondering conjecture, which soon, however,
+subsided into indifference with all save Florian. He had lost his only,
+and, as he firmly believed, his sincerely attached friend and companion;
+and as this friendship had deprived him of the sympathy of every other
+schoolfellow, he had now <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[Pg 18]</a></span>no alternative but to retire within himself,
+and lean upon his own thoughts and resources. For some time he brooded
+incessantly upon the strange disappearance of his friend. He recollected
+that for several days preceding the event, the spirits of Bartholdy were
+so obviously depressed as to create inquiries, to which his replies were
+vague and unsatisfactory. Notwithstanding the guarded silence of the
+reverend fathers, it was evident to Florian that his friend had not
+absconded from the seminary, as not only his clothes and books, but even
+his bed, had disappeared with him. One article only remained, which had
+been left in the custody of Florian. It was a large clasp-knife, of
+excellent workmanship and finish. The handle was of the purest ivory,
+wrought in curious devices, and the long blade, which terminated in a
+sharp point, was secured from closing by a powerful spring, thus serving
+the double purpose of a knife and dagger. The owner of this remarkable
+weapon had told Florian that it was precious to him, as the legacy of a
+near relative, and requested him to take charge of it, from an
+apprehension that, if discovered in his own possession, it would either
+be stolen by the boys, or taken from him by the Jesuit fathers. &#8220;And
+now,&#8221; sighed Florian, as he gazed with painful recollections on the
+knife, &#8220;it is too probably lost to him for ever. But if he is still in
+being, I may yet see and restore to him his favourite knife; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[Pg 19]</a></span>and that I
+may be always ready to restore it, as well as in remembrance of the
+owner, I will henceforth always carry it about me.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>During the remainder of Florian&#8217;s stay at the seminary, his thoughts
+continually reverted to his lost friend, who had, he feared, from a
+mysterious expression of the presiding Jesuit, met with some terrible
+calamity. During confession, he had once expressed his grief for the
+sudden deprivation of his friend, when, to his great surprise, the
+venerable priest, placing his hand solemnly upon the fair and innocent
+brow of Florian, exclaimed with fervent emphasis, &#8220;Thank God, my son,
+that it has so happened!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Florian often pondered upon these remarkable words, which, until some
+years after his departure from school, he could never satisfactorily
+interpret. For a long period he fondly cherished the memory of
+Bartholdy, and this feeling was prolonged by the knife, which, from
+habit, he continued to carry about him, even when the lapse of time had
+reconciled him to the loss of his early friend, and his riper judgment
+told him that that friend had unworthily imposed upon his credulity, and
+that the consequences of their exclusive intimacy still exercised a
+pernicious influence upon his character and his happiness.</p>
+
+<p>About three years after the disappearance of Bartholdy, the guardians of
+Florian, who had been <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[Pg 20]</a></span>an orphan from infancy, removed him from the
+seminary, and placed him as a law-student at the University of D.; but
+here again, although advantageously introduced and recommended, he found
+himself a stranger, unheeded, and desolate. His timid and now invincible
+reserve, which prevented all advances on his part towards a frank and
+social communion with his fellow-students, chilled that disposition to
+cultivate his acquaintance, which his graceful person and intelligent
+physiognomy had excited; while his hesitating indecision, at every
+trivial and commonplace incident, made him ridiculous to the few who had
+been won, by his prepossessing exterior, to occasional intercourse.
+Thus, amidst numbers of his own age and pursuit, and in the dense
+population of a city, the timid Florian continued as deficient as a
+child in all practical acquaintance with society. Without a single
+friend or associate, he acquired the habits of a solitary recluse; and,
+yielding supinely to what now appeared to him his destiny, he became
+anxious, disconsolate, and misanthropic. Conscious, however, that in
+France a sound and comprehensive knowledge of jurisprudence was a
+frequent avenue to honourable civic appointments, and yet overlooking
+his own incompetency to make any degree of legal knowledge available for
+this purpose, he pursued his studies for some years with indefatigable
+assiduity; and during the last year of his stay at D. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[Pg 21]</a></span>his endeavours to
+insure himself, by accumulated knowledge, an honourable support, were
+stimulated by a growing attachment to the lovely daughter of a merchant,
+through whose agency he drew occasional supplies of money from his
+guardians.</p>
+
+<p>But even the passion of love, which so often rouses the latent powers of
+the diffident into life and energy, failed to inspire the timid Florian
+with that external ardour and prompt assiduity so essential to success;
+and although the fair object of his regard did not appear insensible to
+his silent and gentle homage, he never could collect resolution to
+reveal his feelings. His diffidence was increased, too, by the unmeaning
+gallantry of two young and lively officers of the garrison, who,
+although precluded by their nobility from marriage with the daughter of
+a citizen, employed a portion of their abundant leisure in making
+skirmishing experiments upon the affections of the lovely Angelique.
+While these military butterflies were fluttering round the woman he
+loved, poor Florian, daunted by the painful consciousness of his
+comparative disadvantages, rarely presumed to enter the villa in which
+her father resided, about half a league beyond the city gates, and
+endeavoured to console himself by wandering in a pleasant grove
+immediately contiguous. Here a majestic elm was endeared to him by the
+knowledge that his beloved Angelique often took her work to a turf seat
+beneath its spreading <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[Pg 22]</a></span>branches. Here, too, he sometimes left a flower,
+or other silent token of his regard, the ascertained acceptance of which
+did not, however, encourage him to any decisive measure. At length
+arrived the autumnal vacation, which closed his academic studies; and he
+determined to pass the winter in his native province, where he thought
+the influence of his guardians, and the favourable testimony of his
+Jesuit teachers, would procure for him such recommendations as might
+render his extensive legal knowledge available for his future support.
+He proposed to return in the ensuing spring to D.; and should his
+mistress have stood the test of six months&#8217; absence, and still regard
+him with an eye of favour, he would then openly declare himself. He
+called upon her father at his counting-house, and after explaining to
+him the probable advantages of his visit to Normandy, bade him farewell,
+and hastened with a beating heart to the villa, where he had the good
+fortune to find his Angelique alone. Always timid and irresolute in her
+presence, the fear of betraying his feelings on this occasion made him
+tremble as he approached her. Her young cheek glowed with unaffected
+blushes, as she observed a confusion which led her to anticipate an
+avowal of his attachment; and when he merely told her that he was going
+to pass the winter in Normandy, and had called to say farewell, her fine
+eyes became humid with the starting tears of sudden and uncontrollable
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[Pg 23]</a></span>emotion. Yet even this obvious proof of sympathy failed to encourage
+the timid and ever-doubting Florian. Persuaded that he had nothing but
+his sincerity to recommend him, he dreaded a repulse; and, pressing with
+gentle fervour her proffered hand, he hastily quitted the apartment
+without daring to take another look.</p>
+
+<p>After having secured a place in the diligence for the following morning,
+he called upon the few acquaintances he had in D., and late in the
+afternoon repaired with eager haste to the grove behind the abode of
+Angelique. He had determined that his favourite elm, hitherto the only
+witness of his love, should become the medium of a more palpable
+declaration of his feelings than he had hitherto dared to convey.
+Intending to carve in the bark the initial letters of his own and his
+fair one&#8217;s names within the outline of a heart, he drew from his pocket
+the ivory clasp-knife of Bartholdy, which, after seven years of faithful
+custody, he had begun to consider as his own; and, kneeling on the bank
+of turf, he was enabled, by the sharpness of the point, to cut in deep
+and firm characters the initials of the name so dear to him. Laying down
+the knife upon the seat, he gazed, with folded arms, upon the beloved
+cipher, and fell into one of his accustomed reveries. An hour had thus
+elapsed, when suddenly he was roused from his dream of bliss by tones of
+loud and vehement contention at no great distance <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[Pg 24]</a></span>from the elm.
+Prompted by his natural aversion for scenes of violence, he concealed
+himself behind the tree, from whence he was enabled to discern his two
+military rivals, out of uniform, approaching the elm, and indicating, by
+furious tones and gestures, feelings of mutual and deadly animosity.
+Florian, whose sense of the awkwardness of his situation was increased
+by his timidity, fancied that he should be accused of listening to their
+conversation, and, retreating unobserved into the wood, he had gained
+the high-road before he recollected that he had left his knife on the
+seat of turf. Ashamed of his cowardice, he determined to return and
+claim it, in the event of its having been discovered and taken by one of
+the contending parties. He was solicitous, also, to complete the
+intended cipher on the bark of the elm, while there was light enough for
+his purpose; and concluding that his angry rivals had walked on in
+another direction, he hastily retraced his steps. Looking over some tall
+evergreen shrubs, which were separated by a footpath from the elm, he
+observed that the turf-seat was unoccupied. Supposing, from the total
+silence, that the hostile youths had quitted the grove, he emerged from
+the evergreens with confidence, and approached the tree, but recoiled in
+sudden horror, as he almost stepped upon the body of one of his rivals,
+who lay dead on his back, while the blood was issuing in torrents from a
+wound in his throat, inflicted by the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[Pg 25]</a></span>knife of Bartholdy, the
+remarkable handle of which protruded from the deep incision. His blood
+froze as he gazed on this sad spectacle; and covering his face with his
+hands, he stood for some moments over the body in stolid and sickening
+horror. Soon, however, his strong antipathy to scenes of bloodshed and
+violence impelled him to rush, with headlong precipitation, from the
+fatal spot. Leaving his knife in the wound, he darted forward through
+the wood, and fortunately without meeting any one within or near it.
+When he reached the high-road, the darkness had so much increased as to
+render his features undistinguishable to the passengers, and, running
+towards the city, he soon reached the public promenade without the
+barriers, where he threw himself upon a bench, exhausted with terror and
+fatigue. Looking fearfully around him through the darkness, he
+endeavoured to collect his reasoning faculties, and immediately the
+recollection that he had left his knife in the throat of the murdered
+officer flashed upon him. With this fatal weapon were connected many old
+associations, which now crowded with sickening potency upon his memory.
+Again he saw the sarcastic grin with which his friend had said, &#8220;What we
+most carefully shun, is most likely to befall us.&#8221; And would not the
+remarkable knife of Bartholdy too probably verify the malignant prophecy
+of its owner? Forgetful of the improbability that any one had seen in
+his possession <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[Pg 26]</a></span>a knife which, before that evening, he had never used,
+his senses yielded to an irresistible conviction, that this instrument
+of another&#8217;s guilt would betray and lead him to the scaffold. Immediate
+flight was the only resource which presented itself to his bewildered
+judgment; and, rising from the bench, he hastened to his lodgings, to
+complete his preparations for departure the following morning. After a
+sleepless night, during which he started at every sound with
+apprehension of a nocturnal visit from the police, he proceeded at
+daybreak, with a heavy heart, to the post-house, where, observing a
+carrier&#8217;s waggon on the point of departure for Normandy, he availed
+himself of the opportunity to facilitate his escape, by putting a few
+essentials into a cloak-bag, and forwarding his heavy trunk by the
+carrier. After some delay, of which every moment appeared an age, the
+diligence departed; and when the church-towers were lost in distance,
+the goading terrors of the unhappy fugitive yielded for a time to
+feelings of comparative security. His apprehensions, however, were
+renewed by every rising cloud of dust behind the diligence, and by every
+equestrian who followed and passed the vehicle. In vain did he endeavour
+to console himself with the consciousness that he was innocent, and
+under the protection of a just and merciful Providence. The judicial
+murder of Calas, and of other innocent sufferers, detailed in the
+<i>Causes C&eacute;l&egrave;bres</i> of Pitaval, were ever <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[Pg 27]</a></span>present to his fevered fancy;
+and when he closed his eyes and assumed the semblance of sleep, to avoid
+the conversation of his fellow-travellers, his imagination conjured up
+the staring orbs and satanic smile of Bartholdy, who pointed at him
+jeeringly, and exclaimed, &#8220;In vain you seek to shun your destiny! In
+France, the innocent and the guilty bleed alike upon the scaffold.&#8221; And
+then he shouted in the ear of Florian, &#8220;Why did you part with the knife
+I confided to you? Why provoke me to become your evil genius?&#8221; Or, with
+a hoarse and fiendish laugh, he seemed to whisper to the shrinking
+fugitive&mdash;&#8220;You are a doomed man, Florian! doomed to the scaffold!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Thus busily did the frenzied fancy of the unhappy youth call up a
+succession of imaginary terrors, until at dusk the diligence stopped at
+a solitary inn, and Florian heard, with new alarm, that here the
+passengers were to remain the night. &#8220;And here,&#8221; thought the timid
+fugitive, &#8220;I shall certainly be overtaken and arrested by the
+gens-d&#8217;armes.&#8221; A traveller, who arrived soon after the diligence, and
+supped with the passengers, afforded him, however, another chance of
+escape. This man was lamenting that, at a neighbouring fair, he had not
+been able to sell an excellent horse, and Florian, watching his
+opportunity, concluded the purchase with little bargaining. Pleading the
+necessity of going forward on urgent business, he mounted his purchase,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[Pg 28]</a></span>and quitted the inn-yard, with a heart lightened by the certainty that
+he should gain a night upon his pursuers. At that time France was at
+peace both abroad and at home; passports were not essential to the
+native traveller; and Florian, turning down the first cross-road,
+proceeded rapidly all night, and the four following days; pausing
+occasionally to refresh his wearied steed, changing his name whenever he
+was required to declare it, and observing a zigzag direction to blind
+his pursuers. On the fifth morning he found himself in a fertile
+district of central France; and, considering himself safe from all
+immediate danger, he pursued his journey more leisurely between the
+vine-covered and gently-swelling hills, until the noonday heat and dusty
+road made him sensibly feel the want of refreshment. While gazing around
+him for some hamlet or cottage to pause at, his attention was caught by
+sounds of lamentation at no great distance, and a sudden turn in the
+road revealed to him a prostrate mule, vainly endeavouring to regain his
+legs, one of which was broken. A tall boy, in peasant garb, was
+scratching his head in rustic embarrassment at this dilemma, and near
+him stood a young and very lovely woman, wringing her hands in
+perplexity, and lamenting over the unfortunate mule, a remarkably fine
+animal, and caparisoned with a completeness which indicated the easy
+circumstances of his owner. Florian immediately <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[Pg 29]</a></span>stopped his horse, and,
+with his wonted kindness, dismounted to offer his assistance. The young
+woman said nothing as he approached, but her beautiful dark eyes
+appealed to him for aid and counsel with an eloquence which reached his
+heart in a moment. Examining the mule, he said, after some
+consideration, &#8220;There is no hope for the poor animal; and the most
+humane expedient will be to shoot him as soon as possible. Your
+side-saddle can be strapped on my horse, which shall convey you to the
+next village, or as much farther as you like, if you have no objection
+to the conveyance.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Expressing her thanks with engaging frankness and cordiality, the fair
+traveller told him that she was returning from a visit to some
+relations, and that she was still four leagues from her father&#8217;s house.
+She would gladly, she said, avail herself of his kind offer, but
+insisted that her servant should not kill her favourite mule until she
+was out of sight and hearing. Then turning briskly towards Florian, she
+told him that she was ready to proceed, but objected to the exchange of
+saddles; and, as she was accustomed to ride on a pillion, would rather
+sit behind him as well as she could, than give him the trouble of
+walking four leagues. Finding all opposition fruitless, Florian
+remounted; and, with the assistance of her servant, the fair unknown was
+soon seated behind him. Blushing <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[Pg 30]</a></span>and laughing at the necessity, she put
+an arm around his waist to support herself, and then begged him to
+proceed without delay, as she was anxious to reach home before night.</p>
+
+<p>Conversing as they journeyed onward, their communications became every
+moment more cordial and interesting; and as Florian felt the warm hand
+of his lovely companion near his heart, he began to feel a soothing
+sense of gratification, which cheered and elevated his perturbed
+spirits. He had never before found himself in such near and agreeable
+relation to a beautiful and lively woman; and whenever he turned his
+head to speak or listen, he found the finest black eyes, and the most
+lovely mouth he had ever seen, within a few inches of his own. So
+potent, indeed, was the charm of her look and language, that he forgot,
+for a time, the timid graces and less sparkling beauty of her he had
+lost for ever, and was insensibly beguiled of all his fears and sorrows
+as he listened to the lively sallies of this laughter-loving fair one.
+Meanwhile they had quitted the cross-road in which he had discovered
+her, and pursued, by her direction, the great road from Paris towards
+eastern France. Here, however, he remarked, with surprise, that she
+invariably drew the large hood of her cloak over her face when any
+travellers passed them; and his surprise was converted into uneasiness
+and suspicion, when, after commencing the last league of their journey,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[Pg 31]</a></span>she drew the hood entirely over her face; and her conversation, before
+so animated and flowing, was succeeded by total silence, or by replies
+so brief and disjointed as to indicate that her thoughts were intensely
+preoccupied.</p>
+
+<p>The sun had reached the horizon when they arrived within a short
+half-league of the town before them, and here she suddenly asked her
+conductor whether he intended to travel farther before morning. Florian,
+hoping to obtain some clue to her name and residence, replied that he
+was undetermined; on which she advised him to give a night&#8217;s rest to his
+jaded horse, and strongly recommended to him an hotel, the name and
+situation of which she minutely described. He promised to comply with
+her recommendations; and immediately, by a prompt and vigorous effort,
+she threw herself from the horse to the ground. Hastily arranging her
+disordered travelling-dress, she approached him, clasped his hand in
+both her own and thanked him, in brief but fervent terms, for the
+important service he had rendered her. &#8220;And now,&#8221; added she, in visible
+embarrassment, as she raised her hood, and looked fearfully around, &#8220;I
+have another favour to request. My father would not approve of your
+accompanying me home, nor must the town gossips see me at this hour with
+a young man and a stranger: you will, therefore, oblige me by resting
+your horse here for half an <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[Pg 32]</a></span>hour, that I may reach the town before you.
+Will you do me this favour?&#8221; she repeated, with a pleading look. &#8220;Most
+certainly I will,&#8221; replied the good-natured but disappointed Florian.
+&#8220;Farewell, then,&#8221; she cordially rejoined, &#8220;and may Heaven reward your
+kindness!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Bounding forward with a light and rapid step, she soon disappeared round
+a sharp angle in the road, occasioned by a sudden bend of the adjacent
+river. Florian, dismounting to relieve his horse, gazed admiringly upon
+her elastic step and well-turned figure, until she was out of sight. He
+recollected, with a sigh of regret, the sprightly graces and artless
+intelligence of her conversation; again the sense of his desolate and
+perilous condition smote him; he felt himself more than ever forlorn and
+unhappy, and reproached himself for the helpless bashfulness which had
+prevented him from inquiring more urgently the name and residence of
+this charming stranger. While thus painfully musing, the time she had
+prescribed elapsed; and Florian, remounting, let the bridle fall upon
+the neck of the exhausted animal, which paced towards the town as
+deliberately as the unknown fair one could have wished. At a short
+distance from the town-gate the high-road passed under an archway,
+composing part of a detached house of Gothic and ancient structure; and
+on the town side of the arch was a toll-bar, at which a boy was
+stationed, who held out <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[Pg 33]</a></span>his hat to Florian, and demanded half a sous.
+&#8220;For what?&#8221; asked Florian.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;A long-established toll, sir,&#8221; said the boy; &#8220;and if you have a
+compassionate heart, you will give another half-sous to the condemned
+criminals,&#8221; he continued, as he pointed to an iron box, placed near the
+house door, under a figure of the Virgin. Shuddering at the words,
+Florian threw some copper coins into the box; and, as he hastened
+forward, endeavoured to banish the painful association of ideas, by
+fixing his thoughts upon the mysterious fair one. Suspecting, from the
+pressing manner in which she had recommended a particular hotel to his
+preference, that, if he went there, he might possibly see or hear from
+her in the morning, he proceeded to the Henri Quatre, which proved to be
+an hotel of third-rate importance, but well suited to his limited means,
+and recommending itself by an air of cleanliness and comfort. The
+evenings at this season were cool; and as it would have required some
+time to heat the parlour, the landlord proposed to him to sit down and
+take some refreshment in his well-warmed kitchen. Florian complied with
+this invitation, but not without some apprehension of the presence of
+strangers; and, stepping into the kitchen, was relieved by the discovery
+that it was occupied only by servants, who were too busily engaged in
+preparing supper to take notice of him.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[Pg 34]</a></span></p><p>Sitting down in a corner near the fire, the combined effects of a genial
+warmth and excessive fatigue threw him into a sound sleep, which lasted
+several hours, and would have continued much longer, had he not been
+roused by the landlord, who told him that his supper had been ready some
+time, but that he had been unwilling to disturb a slumber so profound.
+In fact, the repose of the unfortunate fugitive had not, during the five
+preceding nights, been so continuous and refreshing, so free from
+painful and menacing visions. Rising drowsily from his chair, he
+followed the landlord to a table where a roasted capon and a glass jug
+of bright wine waited his arrival. The servants had all retired for the
+night,&mdash;the landlord quitted the kitchen, and Florian, busily engaged in
+dissecting the fowl, thought himself the sole tenant of the spacious
+apartment, when, looking accidentally towards the fire, he saw with
+surprise that the chair he had just quitted was occupied. Looking more
+intently, he distinguished a short man of more than middle age, whose
+square and sturdy figure was partially concealed by a capacious mantle.
+His hair was grey, his forehead seamed with broad wrinkles, and his
+bushy brows beetled over a set of features stern and massive as if cast
+in iron. His eyes were small and deep-set, but of a lustrous black; and
+Florian observed with dismay that they were fixed upon his countenance
+with a look of searching scrutiny. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[Pg 35]</a></span>It was near midnight, and in the
+deep silence which reigned through the house, this motionless attitude,
+and marble fixedness of look, gave to the stranger&#8217;s appearance a
+character so appalling, that, had he not broken the spell by stooping to
+light his pipe, the excited Florian would ere long have thought him an
+unearthly object. The stranger now quitted his seat by the fire, took
+from a table near him a jug of wine, and approached the wondering
+Florian. &#8220;With your leave, my good sir,&#8221; he began, &#8220;I will take a chair
+by your table. A little friendly gossip is the best of all seasoning to
+a glass of wine.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Without waiting for a reply, the old man seated himself directly
+opposite to Florian, and again fixed a scrutinising gaze upon his
+countenance. The conscious fugitive, who felt a growing and
+unaccountable dread of this singular intruder, muttered a brief assent,
+and continued to eat his supper in silent but obvious embarrassment;
+stealing now and then a timid look at the stranger, but hastily
+withdrawing his furtive glances as he felt the beams of the old man&#8217;s
+small and vivid eyes penetrating his very soul. He observed that the
+features of his tormentor were cast in a vulgar mould, but his gaze was
+widely different from that of clownish curiosity, and there was in his
+deportment a stern and steady self-possession, which suggested to the
+alarmed Florian a suspicion that he was an agent of the police, who had
+probably tracked him through <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[Pg 36]</a></span>the cross-roads he had traversed in his
+flight from D. The rich colour of his cheeks turned to an ashy paleness
+at this appalling conjecture; and, leaving his supper unfinished, he
+rose abruptly from the table to quit the room, when the old man,
+starting suddenly from his chair, seized the shaking hand of Florian,
+and, looking cautiously around him, said in subdued but impressive
+tones&mdash;&#8220;It is not accident, young man, which brings us together at this
+hour. I came in while you were asleep, and begged the landlord would not
+awaken you, that I might say a few words to you in confidence, after the
+servants had gone to bed.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;To me?&#8221; exclaimed Florian, in anxious wonder.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Hush!&#8221; said the old man, again looking round the kitchen. &#8220;My object is
+to give you a friendly warning; for, if I am not for the first time
+mistaken in these matters, you are menaced with a formidable danger.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Danger?&#8221; repeated the pallid Florian, in a voice scarcely audible.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And have you not good reason to expect this danger?&#8221; continued the
+stranger. &#8220;Your sudden paleness tells me that you know it. I am an old
+man, and my life has been a rough pilgrimage, but I have still a warm
+heart, and can make large allowances for the headlong impetuosities
+which too often plunge a young man into crime. You may safely trust
+one,&#8221; he continued, placing his hand <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[Pg 37]</a></span>upon his heart, &#8220;in whose bosom
+the confessions of many hapless fugitives repose, and will repose, so
+long as life beats in my pulses. I betray no man who confides in me,
+were he stained even with <i>blood</i>.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Pausing a little, he fixed a keenly searching look upon the shrinking
+youth, and then whispered in his ear&mdash;&#8220;Young man! you have a <i>murder</i> on
+your conscience!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>For a moment the apprehensions of Florian yielded to a lofty sense of
+indignation at this groundless charge. &#8220;It is false, old man!&#8221; he
+exclaimed with energy. &#8220;I swear by the just God who searches all hearts,
+that I am not conscious of <i>any</i> crime.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I shall rejoice to learn that I am mistaken,&#8221; replied the old man, with
+evident gratification, as again he fixed his searching orbs upon the
+indignant Florian. &#8220;If you are innocent, it will be all the better for
+both of us; but,&#8221; he continued, after a hasty look around him, &#8220;the
+danger I alluded to still hangs over your head. I trust, however, that
+with God&#8217;s help I shall be able to shield you from it.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Florian, too much alarmed to reply, looked at him doubtingly. &#8220;I will
+deal candidly with you,&#8221; resumed the old man, after a pause of
+reflection. &#8220;When you rode by my house this <span style="white-space: nowrap;">evening&#8221;&mdash;&mdash;</span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Who and what are you?&#8221; exclaimed Florian, in new astonishment.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[Pg 38]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Have a little patience, young man!&#8221; replied the stranger, while his
+iron features relaxed into a good-natured smile. &#8220;Do you recollect the
+tall archway under an old house where a toll of half a sous was demanded
+from you? That house is mine; and I was sitting by the window as you
+threw an alms into the box for the condemned criminals. Had you then
+looked upward, you would have seen a naked sword and a bright axe
+suspended over your head.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>At these words Florian shuddered, and involuntarily retreated some paces
+from his companion. &#8220;I see by your flinching,&#8221; sternly resumed the old
+man, &#8220;that you guess who is before you. You are right, young man! I <i>am</i>
+the town executioner, but an honest man withal, and well inclined to
+render you essential service. Now, mark me! When you stopped beneath the
+broad blade, it quivered, and jarred against the axe. Whoever is thus
+greeted by the headsman&#8217;s sword is inevitably doomed to come in contact
+with it. I heard the boding jar, which every executioner in France well
+knows how to interpret, and I immediately determined to follow and to
+warn you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The unhappy youth, who had listened in disheartening emotion to this
+strange communication, now yielded to a sense of ungovernable terror.
+Covering with both his hands his pallid face, he <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[Pg 39]</a></span>exclaimed, in nameless
+agony&mdash;&#8220;O God! in thy infinite mercy, save me!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Hah!&#8221; ejaculated the headsman sternly, &#8220;have I then roused your
+sleeping conscience? However, whether you conclude to open or to shut
+your heart, is now immaterial. In either case, I will never betray
+you&mdash;for accusation and judgment belong not to my office. Profit,
+therefore, as you best may, by my well-intended warning. Alas! alas!&#8221; he
+muttered between his closed teeth, &#8220;that one so young should dip his
+hands in blood!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;By all that is sacred!&#8221; exclaimed Florian, with trembling eagerness, &#8220;I
+am innocent of murder, and incapable of falsehood; and yet so disastrous
+is my destiny, that I am beset with peril and suspicion. You are an
+utter stranger to me, but you appear to have benevolence and worldly
+wisdom. Listen to my tale, and then in mercy give me aid and counsel.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>He now unfolded to the executioner the extraordinary chain of
+circumstances which had compelled him to seek security in flight, and
+told his tale of trials with an artless and single-hearted simplicity of
+language, look, and gesture, which carried with it irresistible
+conviction of his innocence. The rigid features of the headsman
+gradually relaxed, as he listened, into a cheerful and even cordial
+expression; then warmly grasping the hand of Florian <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[Pg 40]</a></span>as he concluded,
+he said, &#8220;Well! well! I see how it is. In my profession we learn how to
+read human nature. When I watched your slumber, I thought your sleep
+looked very like the sleep of innocence; and now I believe from my soul
+that you are as guiltless of this murder as I am. With God&#8217;s help I will
+yet save you from this peril; and, indeed, had you killed your rival in
+sudden quarrel, I would have done as much for you, for I well know that
+sudden wrath has made many a good man blood-guilty. There was certainly
+some danger of your being implicated by the singular circumstances you
+have detailed; but the real and formidable peril has grown out of your
+flight. That was a blunder, young man! but I see no reason to despair.
+&#8217;Tis true, the broad blade has denounced you, and my grandfather and
+father, as well as myself, have traced criminals by its guidance; but I
+know that the sword will speak alike to its master and its victim. You
+have yet to learn, young man, that in this life every man is either an
+anvil or a hammer, a tool or a victim; and that he who boldly grasps the
+blade will never be its victim. Briefly, then, I feel a regard for you.
+I have no sons, but I have a young and lovely daughter. Marry her, and I
+will adopt you as my successor. You will then fulfil your destiny by
+coming in contact with the sword; and, if you clutch it firmly, I will
+pledge myself that you never die by it.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[Pg 41]</a></span></p><p>At this strange proposal Florian started on his feet with indignant
+abhorrence. &#8220;Hold!&#8221; continued the headsman coolly. &#8220;Why hurry your
+decision? The night is long, and favourable to reflection. Bestow a full
+and fair consideration upon my proposal, and recollect that your neck is
+in peril; that all your prospects in life are blasted; and that my offer
+of a safe asylum, and a competent support, can alone preserve you from
+despair and destruction. The sword has sent you a helper in the hour of
+need, and if you reject the friendly warning, you will soon discover
+that the consciousness of innocence will not protect a blushing and
+irresolute fugitive from the proverbial ubiquity and prompt severity of
+the French police.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The headsman now emptied his glass, and with a friendly nod left the
+kitchen. Soon after his departure the landlord appeared with a
+night-lamp, and conducted Florian to his apartment. Without undressing,
+the bewildered youth extinguished his lamp, and threw himself on the
+bed, hoping that the darkness would accelerate the approach of sleep,
+and of that oblivion which in his happier days had always accompanied
+it. Vain, however, for some hours, was every attempt to lull his senses
+into forgetfulness. The revolting proposal of the old man haunted him
+incessantly.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I become an&#8221;&mdash;&mdash;he muttered indignantly, but could never utter the
+hateful word. The <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[Pg 42]</a></span>shrinking diffidence which had been a fertile source
+of difficulty to him through life, had been increased tenfold by his
+recent calamities; he was conscious even to agony of his total inability
+to contend with the consequences of his imprudent and cowardly flight;
+but from <i>such</i> means of escape he recoiled with unutterable loathing.
+He felt that he should never have resolution to grasp the sword which
+was to save him from being numbered with its victims, and yet his
+invincible abhorrence of this alternative failed to rouse in him the
+moral courage which would have promptly rescued him from the toils of
+the cunning headsman. The broken slumber into which he fell before
+morning was haunted by boding forms and tragic incidents. The sword, the
+axe, the scaffold, and the rack, flitted around him in quick procession,
+and seemed to close every avenue to escape. He awoke from these visions
+of horror at daybreak, and left his bed as wearied in body, and as
+irresolute in mind, as when he entered it. Dreading alike a renewal of
+the executioner&#8217;s proposal, and the risk of being arrested and tried for
+murder, he saw no alternative but flight&mdash;immediate flight beyond the
+bounds of France. While pondering over the best means of accomplishing
+this now settled purpose, the tin weathercock upon the roof of his
+bedroom creaked in the morning breeze. Florian, to whose excited fancy
+the headsman&#8217;s sword was ever present, thought he heard it <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[Pg 43]</a></span>jar against
+the axe, and started in sudden terror. &#8220;Whither shall I fly?&#8221; he
+exclaimed, as tears of agony rolled down his cheeks&mdash;&#8220;where find a
+refuge from the sword of justice? Alas! my doom is fixed and
+unalterable. Anvil or hammer I must be, and I have not courage to become
+either.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Again the weathercock creaked above him, and more intelligibly than
+before. Florian, discovering the simple cause of his terrors, rallied
+his drooping spirits, and hastened down-stairs to order his horse, that
+he might leave the hotel and the town before the promised visit of the
+fearful headsman. Notwithstanding his urgency, he found his departure
+unaccountably delayed. The servants were not visible, and the landlord,
+insisting that he should take a warm breakfast before his departure, was
+so dilatory in preparing it, that a full hour elapsed before Florian
+rode out of the stable-yard. His officious host then persisted in
+sending a boy to show him the nearest way to the town gate; and the
+impatient traveller, who would gladly have declined the offer, found
+himself obliged to submit. His guide accompanied him to the extremity of
+the small suburb beyond the eastern gate, and quitted him; while
+Florian, whose ever-ready apprehensions had been roused by the tenacious
+civility of the landlord, rode slowly forward, looking around
+occasionally at his returning guide, and determining to take the first
+cross-road he could find. A little <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[Pg 44]</a></span>farther he discovered the entrance
+of a narrow lane, shaded by a double row of lofty chestnuts; and as he
+turned towards it his horse&#8217;s head, he saw the old man, whose promised
+visit he was endeavouring to escape, issuing from the lane on horseback.
+&#8220;I guessed as much,&#8221; said the headsman, smiling, as he rode up to the
+startled fugitive. &#8220;I knew you would try to escape me, but I cannot
+consent that you should thus run headlong into certain destruction. You
+have neither sanguine hopes nor a fixed purpose to support you, and you
+want firmness to answer with discretion the trying questions which will
+everywhere assail you. You are silent&mdash;you feel the full extent of your
+danger&mdash;why not then embrace the certain protection I offer you? Fear
+not that I shall either repeat or allude to my last night&#8217;s proposal. My
+sole object is your immediate protection at this critical period, when
+you are doubtless tracked in all directions by the blood-hounds of the
+police. At the frontiers you will inevitably be stopped and identified;
+but under my roof you will be safe from all pursuit and suspicion. I
+live secluded from the world; I have no visitors; and your presence will
+not be suspected by any one. In a few weeks the heat of pursuit will
+abate, and you may then take your departure with renewed courage and
+confidence.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Courage and confidence!&#8221; repeated to himself the timid Florian; &#8220;would
+Heaven I had either!&#8221; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[Pg 45]</a></span>The good sense, however, of the old man&#8217;s advice
+was so obvious, that he determined to avail himself of so kind an offer.
+Gratefully pressing his hand, he dismissed all doubts of his sincerity,
+and said, &#8220;I will accompany you; and may God reward your benevolence,
+for I cannot.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;We must return by the road I came,&#8221; said the headsman, turning his
+horse. &#8220;It will take us outside the town to my house; and, at this hour,
+we shall arrive there unperceived. Your landlord, who is under
+obligations to me, sent you this road at my request. He supposes that
+you are my distant relative, and that, unwilling to appear in public
+with an executioner, you had made an appointment with me for this early
+hour on your way homeward.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>After a ride of half an hour through the shady lanes which skirted the
+ramparts, they reached the back entrance of the Gothic building before
+mentioned, and Florian entered this singular sanctuary with emotions not
+easily described. The old headsman was in high spirits; and the blunt
+but genuine kindness and cordiality of his manners soon removed from the
+mind of his guest every lurking suspicion that some treachery was
+intended. The table was promptly covered with an excellent breakfast,
+and the old man sent a message to his daughter, requesting that she
+would bring a bottle of the best wine in the cellar.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[Pg 46]</a></span></p><p>Florian fixed his eyes upon the door in shrinking anticipation. He
+suspected new attempts to ensnare him to the headsman&#8217;s purpose; and
+notwithstanding his firm determination to resist them, he recoiled with
+fastidious disgust from the possible necessity of contending with the
+meretricious advances of a bold and reckless female, whose limited
+opportunities of marriage would impel her to lure him by any means to
+her father&#8217;s object. How widely different were his emotions when the
+door opened, and his lovely travelling-companion, whom, in the terrors
+of the past night, he had forgotten, entered, in blushing embarrassment,
+with the bottle of wine. In a tumult of mingled apprehension and
+delight, he started from his chair, but the cordial greeting he intended
+was checked by a significant wink from the lively fair one as she passed
+behind her father to the table. It was obvious to Florian that she
+wished to conceal their previous acquaintance, and with a silent bow he
+resumed his seat, while the smiling maid, whom her father introduced to
+his guest by the name of Madelon, took a chair between them, and the
+conversation soon became general and exhilarating.</p>
+
+<p>The continued fever of apprehension which had almost unhinged the reason
+of the timid Florian, now rapidly subsided. The cordial hospitality of
+the old headsman soon made him feel at home in an abode which he had
+once contemplated with horror <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[Pg 47]</a></span>and disgust; while the artless attentions
+and fascinating vivacity of the pretty Madelon soon wove around him a
+magic spell, and invested the Gothic chambers of her father&#8217;s antique
+mansion with all the splendours of Aladdin&#8217;s palace.</p>
+
+<p>Motherless from the age of fourteen, and secluded by her father&#8217;s
+vocation from all society save occasional intercourse with relatives of
+the same degraded caste, the headsman&#8217;s daughter had been early
+accustomed to rely upon her own resources.</p>
+
+<p>Most of her leisure hours had been devoted to a comprehensive course of
+historical reading, from which her unpolished but strong-minded father
+conceived that she would derive not only amusement and instruction, but
+that sustaining fortitude so essential to the station in which her lot
+was cast. Thus her innocent and active mind, untainted by the
+licentiousness and infidelity of French romance, acquired concentration
+and strength; the study of sacred and profane history induced habits of
+salutary reflection, and her character gradually developed a masculine
+yet unpretending energy, which admirably fitted her to become the
+helpmate of a man so timid and indecisive as Florian. Her mother was a
+Parisian, of good manners and education, but an orphan and defenceless.
+Persecuted by a licentious nobleman, who, in revenge for her firm
+rejection of his dishonourable addresses, had accused her of theft, she
+had effected her escape from the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[Pg 48]</a></span>chateau in which she resided as
+governess to his daughters, to the same town in which Florian had been
+discovered by the headsman. Circumstances somewhat similar, but not
+essential to my narrative, had induced her to accept a temporary asylum
+in the house of the executioner, whose mother was then living; and here,
+in a moment of despair at her destitute and hopeless condition, she
+accepted the often-tendered addresses of the enamoured headsman, and
+became his wife. The life of this amiable and accomplished woman was
+shortened by her calamities, and by a sense of degradation which she
+could never subdue. Secluded from all human society save that of an
+uncultivated husband, who but imperfectly understood her value, she
+loved her only child with more than a mother&#8217;s idolatry; and, while her
+strength permitted, devoted herself, with unceasing solicitude, to the
+formation of her mind, and to the regulation of her untamable vivacity.
+Thus happily moulded in her early youth, and judiciously cultivated
+after her mother&#8217;s death, Madelon combined, with clear and vigorous
+perceptions, a degree of personal attraction rarely seen in France, and
+no small portion of the feminine grace and fascination peculiar to
+well-educated Frenchwomen, while to these advantages were superadded
+eyes of radiant lustre, a voice rich in soft and musical inflections,
+and a smile of irresistible archness and witchery. Accustomed, from <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[Pg 49]</a></span>her
+limited opportunities of observation, to regard men as collectively
+coarse and uncultivated, she had been immediately and powerfully
+attracted by the elegant person, the refined and gentle manners, of
+Florian, during their four leagues&#8217; journey; and to one who felt the
+value of knowledge, and eagerly sought to extend her means of pursuing
+it, there was, on farther acquaintance, a charm in his comprehensive
+attainments and in the classic elegance of his diction, which
+compensated for the unmanly timidity and morbid infirmity of purpose, so
+easily distinguishable in his character and conduct.</p>
+
+<p>In Florian, whose feelings were fortified by reminiscences of a prior
+attachment, the progress of sentiment was slower, but not less certain
+in its tendency. His silent worship of Angelique had always been
+accompanied by doubts and misgivings innumerable. He thought her lost to
+him for ever; he felt that all his prospects of professional advancement
+were blighted by the disastrous incident at D., and his consequent
+flight; and insensibly he yielded to the charm of daily and hourly
+intercourse with the bewitching Madelon. The consciousness of her
+admiring prepossession, and of his own superior attainments, gave to
+him, while conversing with her, a soothing self-possession, an expansion
+of thought and feeling, and a glowing facility of elocution, which he
+had never yet experienced, and which proved a source of exquisite and
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[Pg 50]</a></span>inexhaustible gratification. Her unceasing sympathy and kindness, her
+flattering anticipation of his wishes, lulled the anguish of his
+recollections, and her sparkling gaiety never failed to rouse his
+drooping spirits. He soon learned to estimate at its true value the rare
+combination of gentleness and energy which her character displayed;
+while her courageous self-possession and unfailing resources under every
+difficulty, made him regard her as a woman gifted beyond her sex with
+those qualities in which he felt himself most deficient. In short,
+feelings of deep and lasting attachment stole insensibly into the hearts
+of the youthful pair. Florian had surrendered all his sympathies to
+Madelon before he was conscious of the power she had gained over his
+happiness, and their mutual affection was betrayed and sealed by word
+and pledge before he reflected upon the inevitable consequences. Too
+soon, alas! he was awakened from this dream of bliss to a long reality
+of terror and anguish. The spell which bound him was broken, and the
+scene of enchantment was abruptly changed into a chaos of interminable
+dismay and anxiety.</p>
+
+<p>Some weeks after his arrival in this asylum, the headsman had advised
+him to prolong his stay until all danger of pursuit had subsided, and
+the fears of the fugitive soon gave way to cheering sensations of
+security and confidence. To lovers the present is everything: Florian
+forgot alike the trying past <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[Pg 51]</a></span>and the menacing future; weeks and months
+flitted past unobserved by the youthful pair, while the crafty headsman,
+who had silently watched their growing intelligence, crowed in secret
+over the now certain success of his stratagem.</p>
+
+<p>Several months had thus elapsed, and the old man, after ascertaining
+from his daughter that the affections and the honour of Florian were
+irredeemably plighted, took an opportunity to address him one morning as
+soon as Madelon had quitted the breakfast-room.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I think it is high time, young man,&#8221; he said, smiling, &#8220;that you should
+proceed to business. Come along with me into my workshop.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Florian looked at him in silent wonder, but unhesitatingly followed him
+into the capacious cellars, where the old man unlocked a door which his
+guest had never before observed. Florian entered with his conductor, but
+started back in dismay as he saw a number of executioner&#8217;s swords and
+axes hanging round the walls of a low vaulted room, in the centre of
+which several cabbage-heads were fixed with pegs upon an oblong block of
+wood. The headsman took one of the swords from the wall, drew it from
+the scabbard, carefully wiped the glittering blade, and then offered it
+to Florian. &#8220;Now, my son,&#8221; he began, &#8220;try your strength upon these
+cabbage-heads. It is easy work, and requires nothing but a steady hand.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[Pg 52]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;Gracious heaven! you cannot be in earnest!&#8221; exclaimed Florian,
+retreating from him in deadly terror.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Not in earnest?&#8221; rejoined the headsman, sternly; &#8220;I consider your
+compliance as a matter of course. You love my daughter&mdash;you have won her
+affections&mdash;and surely, Florian, you are not the man to play her false!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;God forbid!&#8221; exclaimed Florian with honest fervour. &#8220;I dearly love her,
+and seek no happier lot than to become her husband.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I offered her to you, my son!&#8221; said the other with returning kindness;
+&#8220;but you did not like the conditions, and declined her. You have since,
+without my permission, sought and won her affections, and you have no
+right to flinch from the implied consequences. It is high time to come
+to a conclusion, and to apply yourself in good faith to the only pursuit
+through which you can ever obtain my Madelon.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;The only one?&#8221; timidly repeated Florian. &#8220;I have, &#8217;tis true, abandoned
+for your daughter&#8217;s sake the world, and the world&#8217;s prejudices; but I am
+young and industrious; I possess valuable knowledge, and surely I may
+find some employment which will maintain a wife and family. Do, my good
+father, relinquish this dreadful <span style="white-space: nowrap;">vocation&#8221;&mdash;&mdash;</span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And my daughter!&#8221; exclaimed the headsman, with loud and bitter
+emphasis. &#8220;What is to become <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[Pg 53]</a></span><i>her</i>? If even you could step back within
+the pale of society, <i>she</i> would for ever be excluded. But you have
+neither moral courage nor animal bravery enough for any worldly
+pursuit&mdash;your original station in society is irrecoverably gone&mdash;and if
+you attempt to leave this safe asylum, the sword of justice will face
+you at every turn. No, no, Florian! I love my future son-in-law too well
+to expose him to such imminent and deadly peril. There, read that paper!
+The contents will bring you to your senses.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>With these words, which struck like a wintry chill into the heart of
+Florian, he took an old newspaper from his pocket-book. The unhappy
+fugitive received it with a shaking hand, and read a judicial summons
+from the authorities of D., seeking intelligence of a student, who had
+on a certain day quitted the university by the diligence for Normandy,
+and unaccountably disappeared. His Christian and surname, with an
+accurate description of his dress and person, were appended. Glancing
+fearfully down the page, he distinguished some particulars of a murder;
+his sight grew dim with terror; and after a vain attempt to read
+farther, he dropped the fatal document, and reeled back, breathless, and
+almost fainting, against the wall.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;He is the very man!&#8221; muttered the headsman, whose keen eye had been
+intently fixed upon him during the perusal. &#8220;I never asked your real
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[Pg 54]</a></span>name, young man,&#8221; he continued, &#8220;but now I know it. Your terrors would
+betray it to a child. How then are you, without fortitude to face the
+common evils of life, and bearing in every feature a betrayer, to escape
+the giant-grasp of the French police? And had this calamity never
+befallen you, how could you gain a support in a world, which, by your
+own confession, you have ever found ungenial and repulsive? Believe me,
+Florian! here, and here only, will you find safety, support, and
+happiness.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Happiness?&#8221; mournfully repeated Florian.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, happiness!&#8221; rejoined the tempter. &#8220;You and Madelon love each
+other, and in every station, from the highest to the lowest, love is the
+salt of life, the balm and cordial of existence. My office descends from
+generation to generation; it insures to the holder not only a good house
+and landed property, but an income of no mean amount. Every traveller
+who passes my house pays me a toll, because fifty years since an
+inundation compelled the town to cut a high-road through my
+grandfather&#8217;s garden. Of all these benefits I shall be deprived, when
+old and disabled, if my children disdain to follow my vocation; and if
+Madelon were to marry within the pale of that society which regards her
+father with abhorrence, my house and vineyard would be destroyed by the
+bigoted and furious populace, and too probably my innocent child along
+with them. Have you the heart, Florian, to hazard her <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[Pg 55]</a></span>destruction and
+your own, in preference to an office essential to the existence of civil
+society, and from which that obedience to the laws, which is the first
+duty of a good citizen, removes all self-reproach? With a due sense of
+the importance of your official duties, you will find yourself sustained
+in the performance of them; and a practised hand will soon give you
+firmness enough to follow a vocation attended with no personal risk; but
+if you determine to leave me, where will you find resolution to face the
+perils which surround you? and if you escape them, how are you to
+compete in the race of life with the daring and the fleet?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The appalling alternatives held out to Florian by the politic headsman,
+and the consciousness of his own inability either to escape the police,
+or to steer his way successfully through the shoals and quicksands of
+life, rendered him incapable of argument or reply. He had for some
+months been cut off from all that freedom has to bestow&mdash;he had neither
+relations nor friends on whose interposition he could firmly rely&mdash;he
+recollected with agony that every heart beyond the limits of his present
+home was steeled against him&mdash;that every hand was ready to seize and
+betray him. Should he quit this safe asylum, and even establish his
+innocence of the imputed murder, his ignorance of the world, and his
+invincible timidity and self-distrust, would make him the prey of any
+plausible knavery. Bewildered <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[Pg 56]</a></span>and stupified by contending emotions, his
+mind became palsied by despair, and his powers of resistance began to
+fail him. The headsman saw his advantage; but, satisfied with the
+impression he had made upon his hapless victim, he ceased to press any
+immediate decision, told him to consider of the proposal, and went to
+his vineyard; while Florian, hastening to his Madelon, was assailed by
+all the witchery of sighs and tears; by looks, which alternately pleaded
+and upbraided; and by inspiriting and cogent arguments, which shamed him
+into temporary resolution. Thus alternately intimidated by the deep
+tones and stern denunciations of the father, encouraged by the specious
+reasonings of the daughter, or soothed by her resistless fascinations;
+assured, too, by the headsman, that for some years sentences of
+decapitation, with rare exceptions, had been commuted for the galleys,
+his power to contend with his tempter abandoned him: he dropped, like
+the fascinated bird, into the jaws of the serpent; and, yielding to his
+destiny, he commenced his training in a vocation from which every
+feeling in his nature, and every dictate of his understanding, recoiled
+with abhorrence.</p>
+
+<p>It was no sacrifice, to one of his timid and fastidious habits, to
+abandon a world in which he had ever found himself an alien, and which
+he now thought confederated to persecute and destroy him. He submitted
+in uncomplaining resignation to his <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[Pg 57]</a></span>fate, and ere long found relief in
+the growing attachment of the headsman and his daughter. His pure and
+affectionate heart, and the undeviating rectitude of his principles and
+conduct, soon won the entire esteem of the old man, whose better
+feelings had not been blunted by his official duties; while the
+light-hearted and bewitching Madelon, who now loved almost to idolatry a
+man so incomparably superior to any she had hitherto known, delighted to
+cheer his hours of sadness, and watched his every wish with intense and
+unwearied solicitude. Meanwhile, the old man had quietly made every
+requisite preparation, and a month after the assent of Florian to his
+proposal, the lovers were united. The official appointment of Florian,
+as adopted successor to the headsman, took place some days before the
+marriage, and it was stipulated by the town authorities that, on the
+next ensuing condemnation of a criminal to death, he should prove on the
+scaffold his competency to succeed the executioner.</p>
+
+<p>For many months after this appointment, every arrival of a criminal in
+the town prison struck terror into the heart of Florian. Happily,
+however, the assertion of the headsman that it was a growing practice of
+the judicial authorities to substitute the galleys for decapitation, was
+verified by the fact, and Florian enjoyed several years of domestic
+happiness, disturbed only by apprehensions which he <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">[Pg 58]</a></span>could never subdue,
+that sooner or later the evil he so much dreaded would certainly befall
+him. Meanwhile his beloved Madelon had made him the happy father of
+three promising boys, and he began to experience a degree of
+tranquillity to which he had long been a stranger; when, at a period in
+which the town-prison was untenanted, the long-dreaded calamity burst
+upon his devoted head like a bolt of lightning from a cloudless sky.</p>
+
+<p>His father-in-law received one morning at breakfast an order from the
+town authorities to repair early on the following day to a city at ten
+leagues distance, and there to behead a criminal whose execution had
+been delayed by the illness and death of the resident headsman. At this
+unexpected intelligence, the features of Florian were blanched with
+horror, but the iron visage of the old executioner betrayed not the
+slightest emotion. Regardless of his son-in-law&#8217;s terrors, he viewed
+this unexpected summons as a fortunate incident, and maintained that any
+unskilfulness in decapitation would be of less importance at a distance
+than in his native town. He regarded also this brief summons as much
+more favourable to Florian&#8217;s success than a longer foreknowledge, and
+urged in strong and decisive terms the necessity of submission to the
+call of duty. The blood of Florian froze as he listened, but he
+acquiesced, as usual, in timid silence. In the afternoon he yielded to
+the old <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">[Pg 59]</a></span>man&#8217;s wish, that he should give what the headsman termed a
+master-proof of his skill in the science of decapitation, and with cold
+sweat on his brow severed a number of cabbage-heads to the satisfaction
+of his teacher. Meanwhile the sympathising but energetic Madelon
+prepared a palatable meal, and endeavoured, more successfully than her
+uncompromising parent, to sustain and cheer the drooping spirits of the
+husband she so entirely loved. She could not, however, always suppress
+her starting tears; and as the night approached, even the firm nature of
+the old headsman betrayed symptoms of growing anxiety, notwithstanding
+his endeavours to exhilarate himself by deep potations of his favourite
+wine.</p>
+
+<p>After a night of wearying vigilance and internal conflict, the miserable
+Florian entered at daybreak the vehicle which awaited him and his
+father-in-law under the arched gateway. With a view to prevent his
+trembling substitute from witnessing all the preparations for the
+approaching catastrophe, the old man so measured his progress as to
+enter the city a few minutes before the appointed hour, and drove
+immediately to the scene of action, without pausing at the church, to
+attend, as customary, the mass then performing in presence of the
+criminal. Soon after their arrival, the melancholy procession
+approached, and Florian, unable to face the criminal, turned hastily
+away, ascended the ladder <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">[Pg 60]</a></span>with unsteady steps, and concealed himself
+behind the massive person of the old headsman, as the victim of offended
+justice, with a firm and measured step, mounted the scaffold. The old
+man felt for his shrinking son-in-law, but kept a stern eye upon him, in
+hopes to counteract the disabling effects of his rising agony. When,
+however, the decisive moment approached, he whispered to him
+encouragingly&mdash;&#8220;Be a man, Florian! Beware of looking at the criminal
+before you strike; but when his head is lifted, look him boldly in the
+face, or the people will doubt your courage.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Florian fixed on him a vacant stare, but these kindly-meant instructions
+reached not his inward ear. The remembrance of the execution he had
+witnessed with his friend Bartholdy had flashed upon him, and he
+recollected the taunting prediction&mdash;that he might himself be condemned
+to the scaffold. His agony rose almost to suffocation; he compared his
+own destiny with that of the being whom he was about to deprive of life,
+and he felt that he could not unwillingly have taken his place. At this
+moment his attention was caught by the admiring comments of the crowd
+upon the courageous bearing and firm unflinching features of the
+criminal. Roused by these exclamations to a stinging consciousness of
+his own unmanly timidity, he made a powerful effort, and rallied his
+expiring energies into temporary life and action. The headsman now
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">[Pg 61]</a></span>approached him with the broad axe, and whispered, &#8220;Courage, my son!
+&#8217;tis nothing but a cabbage-head.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>With a desperate effort, Florian seized the weapon, fixed his dim gaze
+upon the white neck of the criminal, and, guided more by long practice
+than by any estimate of place and distance, he struck the death-stroke.
+The head fell upon the hollow flooring of the scaffold with an appalling
+bounce, which petrified the unfortunate executioner. The consciousness
+that he had deprived a fellow-creature of life now smote him with a
+withering power, which for some moments deprived him of all volition,
+and he stood in passive stupor, gazing wildly upon the blood which
+streamed in torrents from the headless trunk. Immediately, however, his
+father-in-law again approached him, with a whisper. &#8220;Admirably done, my
+son! I give you joy! But recollect my warning, and look boldly at your
+work, or the mob will hoot you as a craven headsman from the scaffold.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The old man was obliged to repeat his admonition before it reached the
+senses of his unconscious son-in-law. Long accustomed to yield
+unresisting obedience, Florian slowly raised his eyes, at the moment
+when the executioner&#8217;s assistant, after showing the criminal&#8217;s head to
+the multitude, turned round and held out to him the bleeding and ghastly
+object.&mdash;Gracious Heaven! what were his feelings <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">[Pg 62]</a></span>when he encountered a
+well-known face&mdash;when he saw the yellow pock-marked visage of Bartholdy,
+whose widely-opened milk-blue eyes were fixed upon him in the glassy,
+dim, and vacant stare of death!</p>
+
+<p>Paralysed with sudden and overwhelming horror, he fell senseless into
+the arms of the headsman, who had watched this critical moment, and,
+with ready self-possession, loudly attributed to recent illness an
+incident so puzzling to the spectators. He succeeded ere long in rousing
+Florian to an imperfect sense of his critical situation, and, supporting
+his tottering frame, led him to the house of the deceased executioner.
+For an hour after their arrival, the unhappy youth sat mute and
+motionless&mdash;the living image of despair. Agony in him had passed its
+wildest paroxysm, and settled down into a blind and mechanical
+unconsciousness. The old man, who began to suspect some extraordinary
+reason for emotion so excessive, compelled him to swallow several
+glasses of wine, and anxiously besought him to explain the cause of his
+impassioned deportment. It was long, however, before the disconsolate
+Florian regained the power of utterance. At length a burst of tears
+relieved him. &#8220;I knew him!&#8221; he began, in a voice broken by convulsive
+sobs. &#8220;He was once my friend. Oh, my father! there is no hope for me! I
+am a doomed man&mdash;a murderer! He stands before me ever, and demands my
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">[Pg 63]</a></span>blood in atonement for his destruction. How can I justify such guilt? I
+never knew his crime&mdash;I cannot even fancy him a criminal&mdash;but I well
+remember that he loved and cherished me. Away, my father, if you love
+me, to the judges! I <i>must</i> know his crime, or the pangs I feel will
+never depart from me.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The executioner, in whose stern and inflexible nature feelings of pity,
+and even of repentance, were now at work, hastened to obtain some
+information, and returned in half an hour, with indications of anxiety
+and doubt too obvious to escape the unhappy Florian, who, with folded
+hands, exclaimed, &#8220;For God-sake, father, tell me all&mdash;I must know it,
+sooner or later. Your anxiety prepares me for the worst. If you, a man
+of iron, are thus <span style="white-space: nowrap;">shaken&#8221;&mdash;&mdash;</span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I? Nonsense!&#8221; retorted the old man, somewhat disconcerted. &#8220;The fellow
+was a notorious villain, and was executed for two murders.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Florian, relieved by this intelligence, began to breathe more freely,
+and gazed upon the headsman with looks which sought farther explanation,
+&#8220;Florian,&#8221; continued the old man, fixing upon him his stern and
+searching look, &#8220;when you told me the tale of your calamities at D., did
+you tell me <i>all</i>? Had you <i>no</i> reservations?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;None, father, by all I hold most sacred!&#8221; replied Florian, with
+emphatic earnestness.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">[Pg 64]</a></span></p><p>&#8220;One of Bartholdy&#8217;s crimes,&#8221; resumed the headsman, &#8220;was connected with
+your story. He is said to have slain the officer in whose murder you
+thought yourself implicated by suspicious appearances.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;<i>He</i>?&#8221; exclaimed Florian, gasping with horror. &#8220;No! by the Almighty
+God, he did <i>not</i> slay him! I have beheaded an innocent man, and the
+remembrance will cleave to me like a curse!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Can you <i>prove</i> that he had no share in that murder?&#8221; now sternly
+demanded the headsman, whose suspicions had been roused by Florian&#8217;s
+acknowledgment of former intimacy with Bartholdy.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I can swear to his innocence of <i>that</i> murder,&#8221; vehemently replied
+Florian, whose energies rose with his excitement. &#8220;And the other crime?&#8221;
+he eagerly continued. &#8220;In mercy, father, tell me whom else he is said to
+have murdered?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;<i>Yourself!</i>&#8221; said the old man, turning pale as he anticipated the
+effect of this communication,&mdash;&#8220;if the name inserted in the judicial
+summons from D. was really yours.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>For some moments Florian gazed upon him in speechless despair&mdash;his eyes
+became fixed and glassy&mdash;his jaw dropped&mdash;and he would have fallen from
+his chair, had not the old man supported him. The headsman looked with
+anxious and growing perplexity upon his unfortunate victim. <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">[Pg 65]</a></span>&#8220;After
+all,&#8221; he muttered, &#8220;he is my daughter&#8217;s husband, and a good husband. I
+forced him to the task, and must, if possible, save him from the
+consequences.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>By an abundant application of cold water to the face of Florian, he
+succeeded at length in restoring him to consciousness. The miserable
+youth opened his eyes, and, leaning on the old man&#8217;s shoulders, burst
+into a passion of tears. When in some measure tranquillised, the
+headsman asked him soothingly if he was sufficiently collected to listen
+to him.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Yes, father, I am,&#8221; he replied, with an effort.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Recollect, then, my son,&#8221; continued the old man, &#8220;that you are under
+the assured protection of the sword, and that you may open your heart to
+me without fear of consequences. Say, then, in the first place, who are
+you?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I am no other, father,&#8221; answered Florian, with returning energy, &#8220;than
+I have already acknowledged to you; and I was the early friend and
+schoolfellow of the man whose blood I have shed upon the scaffold. But I
+must and will have clear proof of <i>every</i> crime imputed to Bartholdy,&#8221;
+he exclaimed in wild emotion. &#8220;Again I see his large dim eyes fixed on
+me in reproach; and if you cannot give me evidence that he deserved his
+fate, my remorse will goad me on to suicide or madness.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>It was now evident to the old man that the suspicions <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">[Pg 66]</a></span>he had founded on
+Florian&#8217;s acknowledged intimacy with Bartholdy were groundless.
+Recollecting, too, the undeviating truth and honesty of Florian&#8217;s
+character, he felt all the injustice of his suspicions; and his
+compassion for the tortured feelings of his son-in-law became actively
+excited. He clearly saw that nothing but the truth, and the whole truth,
+would satisfy him; he determined, therefore, to call upon the criminal&#8217;s
+confessor; and, after prevailing upon the exhausted Florian to go to
+bed, he watched by him until he saw his wearied senses sealed up in
+sleep, and then departed in quest of farther intelligence.</p>
+
+<p>After three hours of undisturbed repose, which restored, in some
+measure, the exhausted strength of Florian, he awoke, and saw his
+father-in-law sitting by his bed, with a confident and cheerful
+composure of look, which spoke comfort to his wounded spirit.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Florian,&#8221; he began, &#8220;I have cheering news for you. I have seen the
+confessor of Bartholdy, a good old man, who feels for, and wishes to
+console you. He has long known the habits and character of the criminal.
+More he would not say, but he will receive you this evening at his
+convent, and will not only impart to you the consolations of religion,
+but reveal as much of the criminal&#8217;s previous life as the sacred
+obligations of a confessor will permit. Meanwhile, my son, you must
+rouse yourself <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">[Pg 67]</a></span>from this stupor, and accompany me in a walk round the
+city ramparts.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>After a restorative excursion, they repaired, at the appointed hour, to
+the Jesuit convent, and were immediately conducted to the cell of the
+confessor, an aged and venerable priest, who gazed for some seconds in
+silent wonder on the dejected Florian, and then, laying a hand upon his
+shoulder, exclaimed, &#8220;Gracious Heaven! Florian, is it possible that I
+see you alive?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The startled youth raised his downcast eyes at this exclamation, and
+recognised in the Jesuit before him the worthy superior of the school at
+which he had been educated, and the same who had congratulated him on
+the disappearance of Bartholdy. This discovery imparted instant and
+unspeakable relief to the harassed feelings of Florian. The years he had
+passed under the paternal care of this benevolent old man arose with
+healing influence in his memory, and losing, in the sudden glow of
+filial regard and entire confidence, all his wonted timidity, he poured
+his tale of misery and remorse into the sympathising ear of the good
+father, with the artless and irresistible eloquence of a mind pure from
+all offence. The confessor, who listened with warm interest to his
+recital, forbore to interrupt its progress by questions. &#8220;I rejoice to
+learn,&#8221; he afterwards replied, &#8220;that Bartholdy, although deeply stained
+with crime, quitted this life with <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">[Pg 68]</a></span>less of guilt than he was charged
+with on his conscience. The details of his confession I cannot reveal,
+without a breach of the sacred trust reposed in me. It is enough to
+state, that he was deeply criminal. Without reference, however, to his
+more recent transgressions, I can impart to you some particulars of his
+earlier life, and of his implication in the murder you have detailed,
+which will be sufficient to relieve your conscience, and reconcile you
+to the will of Him who, for wise purposes, made you the blind instrument
+of well-merited punishment. Know then, my son, that when Bartholdy was
+supposed by yourself and others to have absconded from the seminary, he
+was a prisoner within its walls. Certain evidence had reached the
+presiding fathers, that this reckless youth was connected with a band of
+plundering incendiaries, who had for some months infested the
+neighbouring districts. Odious alike to his teachers and schoolfellows,
+repulsed by every one but you, and almost daily subjected to punishment
+or remonstrance, he sought and found more congenial associates beyond
+our walls; and, with a view to raise money for the gratification of his
+vicious propensities, he contrived to scale our gates at night, and took
+an active part in the plunder of several unprotected dwellings. At the
+same time, we received a friendly intimation from the police, that he
+was implicated in a projected scheme to fire and plunder a neighbouring
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">[Pg 69]</a></span>chateau, and that the ensuing night was fixed upon for the perpetration
+of this atrocity. Upon inquiry it was discovered that Bartholdy had been
+out all night, and it was now feared that he had finally absconded.
+Happily, however, for the good name of the seminary, he returned soon
+after the arrival of this intelligence, and, as I now conjecture, with a
+view to repossess himself of the knife he had left in your custody. He
+was immediately secured and committed to close confinement, in the hope
+that his solitary reflections, aided by our admonitions, would have
+gradually wrought a salutary change in his character. This confinement,
+which was sanctioned by his relations, was prolonged three years without
+any beneficial result; and at length, after many fruitless attempts, he
+succeeded in making his escape. Joining the scattered remnant of the
+band of villains dispersed by the police, he soon became their leader in
+the contrivance and execution of atrocities which I must not reveal, but
+which I cannot recollect without a shudder. In consequence of high winds
+and clouds of dust, the public walk and grove beyond the gate of D. had
+been some days deserted by the inhabitants, and the body of the murdered
+officer was not discovered until the fourth morning after your departure
+from the university. A catastrophe so dreadful had not for many years
+occurred in that peaceful district: a proportionate degree of abhorrence
+was roused in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">[Pg 70]</a></span>the public mind, and the excited people rushed in crowds
+to view the corpse, in which, by order of the police, the fatal knife
+was left as when first discovered; while secret agents mingled with the
+crowd, to watch the various emotions of the spectators. Guided by a
+retributive providence, Bartholdy, who had that morning arrived in D.,
+approached the body, and gazed upon it with callous indifference, until
+the remarkable handle of his long-lost knife caught his eye. Starting at
+the well-remembered object, a deep flush darkened his yellow visage, and
+immediately the police-officers darted forward and seized him. At first
+he denied all knowledge of the knife, and, when again brought close to
+the body, he gazed upon it with all his wonted hardihood; but when told
+to take the bloody weapon from the wound, he grasped the handle with a
+shudder, drew it forth with sudden effort, and, as he gazed on the
+discoloured blade, his joints shook with terror, and the knife fell from
+his trembling hand. Superstition was ever largely blended with the
+settled ferocity of Bartholdy&#8217;s character, and I now attribute this
+emotion to a fear that his destiny was in some way connected with this
+fatal weapon, which had already caused his long imprisonment, and would
+now too probably endanger his life. This ungovernable agitation
+confirmed the general suspicion excited by his forbidding and savage
+exterior. He was immediately <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">[Pg 71]</a></span>conveyed to the hotel of the police, and
+the knife was placed before him; but when again interrogated, he long
+persisted in denying all knowledge of it. When questioned, however, as
+to his name and occupation, and his object in the city of D., his
+embarrassment increased, his replies involved him in contradictions, and
+at length he admitted that he <i>had</i> seen the knife before, and in <i>your</i>
+possession. This attempt to criminate you by implication, failed,
+however, to point any suspicion against one whose unblemished life and
+character were so well known in the university. Your gentle and retiring
+habits, your shrinking aversion from scenes of strife and bloodshed,
+were recollected by many present: their indignation was loudly uttered,
+and a friend of yours expressed his belief that you had quitted the city
+some days before the murder was committed. In short, this base and
+groundless insinuation of Bartholdy created an impression highly
+disadvantageous to him. A few hours later, intelligence arrived that the
+diligence in which you had left D. had been attacked by a band of
+robbers, while passing through a forest, the day after your departure.
+Several of the passengers had been wounded; some killed; others had
+saved themselves by flight; and, as you had disappeared, it was now
+conjectured that Bartholdy had murdered you, and taken from your person
+the knife with which he had afterwards stabbed the young man <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">[Pg 72]</a></span>in the
+grove. This presumptive evidence against him was so much strengthened by
+his sudden emotion at the sight of the weapon, and by the apparent
+probability that the murder of the young officer had succeeded the
+robbery of the diligence, that the watch and money found upon the body
+failed to create any impression in his favour, as it was conjectured, by
+the strongly excited people, that he had been alarmed by passing
+footsteps before he had succeeded in rifling his victim. He was put into
+close confinement until farther evidence could be obtained; and, ere
+long, a letter arrived to your address from Normandy, stating the
+arrival of your trunk by the carrier, and expressing surprise at your
+non-appearance. A judicial summons, detailing your name and person, and
+citing you to appear and give evidence against the supposed murderer,
+led to no discovery of your retreat, and the evidence of your wounded
+fellow-travellers was obscure and contradictory. Meanwhile, however,
+several of the robbers who had attacked the diligence were captured by
+the <i>gens-d&#8217;armes</i>. When confronted with Bartholdy, their intelligence
+was sufficiently obvious, and he at length confessed his co-operation in
+the murderous assault upon the travellers; but stoutly denied that he
+had either injured or even seen you amongst the passengers, and as
+tenaciously maintained his innocence of the murder committed in the
+grove. Your entire disappearance <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">[Pg 73]</a></span>however, his emotion on beholding the
+knife, and his admission that he knew it, still operated so strongly
+against him that he was tried and pronounced guilty of three crimes,
+each of which was punishable with death. During the week succeeding his
+trial, he was supplied by a confederate with tools, which enabled him to
+escape and resume his predatory habits; nor was he retaken until a month
+before his execution, while engaged in a robbery of singular boldness
+and atrocity. He was recognised as the hardened criminal who had escaped
+from confinement at D.; and as the authorities were apprehensive that no
+prison would long hold so expert and desperate a villain, an order was
+obtained from Paris for the immediate execution of the sentence already
+passed upon him at D. Thus, although guilty of one only of the three
+crimes for which he suffered, the forfeiture of ten lives would not have
+atoned for his multiplied transgressions. From boyhood even he had
+preyed upon society with the insatiable ferocity of a tiger; and you, my
+son, ought not to murmur at the decree which made your early
+acquaintance with him the means of stopping his savage career, and your
+hand the instrument of retribution.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The concluding words of the venerable priest fell like healing balm upon
+the wounded spirit of Florian, who returned home an altered and a
+saddened, but a sustained and a devout man: deeply conscious <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">[Pg 74]</a></span>that the
+ways of Providence, however intricate, are just; and more resigned to a
+vocation, to which he now conceived that he had been for especial
+purposes appointed. He followed, too, the advice of the friendly priest,
+in leaving the public belief of his own death uncontradicted; and, as he
+had not actually witnessed the murder in the grove near D., he felt
+himself justified in withholding his evidence against an individual, of
+whose innocence there was a remote possibility.</p>
+
+<p>The mental agony of the unfortunate young headsman had been so acute,
+that a reaction upon his bodily health was inevitable. Symptoms of
+serious indisposition appeared the next day, and were followed by a long
+and critical malady, which, however, eventually increased his domestic
+happiness, by unfolding in his Madelon nobler and higher attributes than
+he had yet discovered in her character. No longer the giddy and
+laughter-loving Frenchwoman, she had, for some years, become a devoted
+wife and mother; but it was not until she saw her husband&#8217;s gentle
+spirit for ever blighted, and his life endangered for some weeks by a
+wasting fever, that she felt all his claims upon her, and bitterly
+reproached herself as the sole cause of his heaviest calamities. During
+this long period of sickness, when all worldly objects were waning
+around this man of sorrows, she watched, and wept, and prayed over him
+with an untiring assiduity and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">[Pg 75]</a></span>self-oblivion, which developed to the
+grateful Florian all the unfathomable depths of woman&#8217;s love, and proved
+her consummate skill and patience in all the tender offices and trying
+duties of a sick-chamber. Her health was undermined, and her fine eyes
+were dimmed for ever by long-continued vigilance; but her assiduities
+were at length rewarded by a favourable crisis; and when the patient
+sufferer was sufficiently restored to bear the disclosure, she kneeled
+to him in deep humility, and acknowledged, what the reader has doubtless
+long conjectured, that <i>she</i> had, from an upper window, caused that
+ominous jarring of the sword and axe which induced her father to suspect
+and follow him, and which eventually led to their marriage.</p>
+
+<p>Florian started in sudden indignation; but his gentle nature, and the
+hallowed influences of recent sickness and calamity, soon prevailed over
+his wrath. What <i>could</i> he say? How could he chide the lovely and
+devoted woman, whose fraud had grown out of her affection for him! In an
+instant he forgot his own sorrows; and, as he listened to the mournful
+and beseeching accents of her who was the mother of his children, and
+had been unto him, in sickness and in health, a ministering angel, his
+anger melted into love. He had no words; but, like the father of the
+humbled prodigal, he had compassion, and fell upon her neck and kissed
+her, and forgave her entirely, and for ever.</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">[Pg 76]</a></span></p><p>The old headsman survived these events several years; and, while his
+strength continued equal to the effort, he spared his son-in-law from
+the trying duties of his office. After his death, however, his successor
+was compelled to encounter the dreadful task. For some time before and
+after each execution, sadness sat heavy on his soul, but yielded
+gradually to the sustaining influence of fervent prayer, and to the
+caresses of his wife and children. In the intervening periods he
+regained comparative tranquillity, and devoted himself unceasingly to
+the education of his boys, and to the labours of his field and vineyard.
+I have been told, however, that since the execution of Bartholdy he was
+never seen to smile; and that, when gazing on the joyous sports of his
+unconscious children, his eyes would often fill with tears of sorrowing
+anticipation. Thus many years elapsed: his boys have become men, and the
+recent training and nomination of one of them as his successor, have
+renewed in the heart of the fond father all those bitter pangs which the
+soothing agency of time and occupation had lulled to comparative repose.</p>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<p>Here the interesting narrator paused. Towards the conclusion of his
+recital his mournful voice had quivered with suppressed emotion; and, as
+he finished, his eyes were clouded with tears.</p>
+
+<p>His companions had listened to this affecting narrative <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">[Pg 77]</a></span>with a sympathy
+which, for some moments, subdued all power of utterance, and the silence
+which ensued was interrupted only by involuntary and deep-drawn sighs.
+At length the Professor roused himself, and, prompted by a friendly wish
+to draw out a more explanatory conclusion, he put the leading question,
+&#8220;Had he, then, <i>no</i> alternative?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;You forget, my dear sir,&#8221; replied Julius, rallying with sudden effort,
+&#8220;that by the French laws the son of an executioner <i>must</i> succeed his
+father, or see the family estate transferred to strangers. When the old
+headsman was near his end, his son-in-law pledged himself by oath to
+train a son as his own successor. His eldest boy, who blended with his
+father&#8217;s gentle manners some portion of his mother&#8217;s courage, evinced,
+from an early age, such determined antipathy to this vocation, that the
+appointment was transferred to the second son, who had inherited the
+masculine spirit and prompt decision of his mother. Unhappily, however,
+soon after his nomination, he died of a malignant fever. His sorrowing
+mother, who had for some time observed symptoms of declining health in
+her husband, and was indescribably solicitous to see him relieved from
+his official duties, prevailed upon her youngest son, in absence of her
+first-born, to accept the appointment. But this youth, not then
+nineteen, and in mind and person the counterpart of his timid father,
+was equally unsuited to this formidable calling. Well knowing, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">[Pg 78]</a></span>however,
+that his refusal would deprive his parents of the home and the support
+so essential to their growing infirmities, he strung his nerves to the
+appalling task, and, at the next execution, he mounted the scaffold as
+his father&#8217;s substitute. But, alas! at the decisive moment his strength
+and resolution failed him. His sight grew dim with horror, and he
+performed his trying duty so unskilfully, that the people groaned with
+indignation at the protracted sufferings of the unfortunate criminal,
+and the town authorities pronounced him unqualified. The consequence of
+this disastrous failure was an immediate summons to the eldest son, who
+had for several years thought himself finally released from this
+terrible appointment. So unexpected a change in his destination fell
+upon him like a death-blow; and, as he read the fatal summons, he felt
+the sword and axe grating on his very soul.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;And do you think it possible,&#8221; exclaimed one of the students, &#8220;that
+after such long exemption he will submit to a life so horrible?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Too probably,&#8221; replied Julius, mournfully, &#8220;he <i>must</i> submit to it.
+Indeed, I see no alternative. His refusal would not only deprive his
+drooping and unhappy parents of every means of support, but too probably
+expose their lives to the fury of a bigoted and ferocious populace. None
+but a childless headsman can hold his property during life without a
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">[Pg 79]</a></span>qualified successor; and, when he dies, the magistrates appoint
+another.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Here Julius paused again. He gazed for some moments in melancholy
+abstraction upon the dying embers in the stove&mdash;the tears again started
+to his eyes, and he rose abruptly to depart; nor could the joint efforts
+of the kind Professor, and the now warmly-interested students, prevail
+on him to stay out another bowl of punch.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;To-morrow early,&#8221; said he, in unsteady tones, to the Professor, &#8220;I will
+claim your promised introduction to the lieutenant. Till then,
+farewell!&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Promise me, then, my dear Julius,&#8221; rejoined his host, &#8220;that you will
+give us your company to-morrow evening. After so trying a spectacle, a
+bowl of punch, and the society of four friends, will recruit and cheer
+you.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The students successively grasped his hand, and cordially urged him to
+comply. Overcome by this unexpected sympathy, the agitated youth could
+not restrain his tears, and in a voice tremulous with emotion, he said,
+&#8220;I shall never forget your kindness, and, if I know my heart, I shall
+prove myself not unworthy of it. If in my power, I will join your
+friendly circle to-morrow night; but&#8221;&mdash;he hesitatingly added&mdash;&#8220;I have
+never yet faced an execution, and I know not how far such strong
+excitement may unfit me for society.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">[Pg 80]</a></span></p><p>The Professor and his friends accompanied him to the street, where they
+again shook hands and separated.</p>
+
+<hr class="medium" />
+
+<p>On the following evening the three students were again assembled in the
+Professor&#8217;s study, and the conversation turned more upon their new
+friend and his interesting narrative, than upon the tragedy of that
+morning. The Professor told them that Julius had called early, and been
+introduced by him to the lieutenant, since which he had not seen or
+heard of him. One of the students said, that his curiosity to observe
+the deportment of their mysterious friend had led him early to the
+ground, where he had seen Julius standing, with folded arms, and pale as
+death, within a few feet of the scaffold; but that, unable to subdue his
+own loathing of the approaching catastrophe, he had left the ground
+before the arrival of the criminal.</p>
+
+<p>An hour elapsed in momentary expectation of the young student&#8217;s arrival,
+but he came not. The conversation gradually dropped into monosyllables,
+and the Professor could no longer disguise his anxiety, when a gentle
+tap was heard, like that of the preceding night, and without any
+previous sound of approaching footsteps. &#8220;Come in!&#8221; cheerfully shouted
+the relieved Professor, but the door was not unclosed. Again he called,
+but vainly as before. Then starting from his chair, he opened the door,
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">[Pg 81]</a></span>but discovered no one. The students, who also fancied they had heard a
+gentle knock, looked at each other in silent amazement; and the
+warm-hearted Professor, unable to reason down his boding fears,
+determined to seek Julius at his lodgings, and requested one of the
+students to accompany him.</p>
+
+<p>He knew the street, but not the house, in which the young man resided;
+and as soon as they had entered the street, their attention was excited
+by a tumultuous assemblage of people at no great distance. Hastening to
+the spot, the Professor ascertained from a bystander that the crowd had
+been collected by the loud report of a gun or pistol in the apartments
+of a student. Struck with an appalling presentiment, the Professor and
+his companion forced a passage to the house-door, and were admitted by
+the landlord, to whom the former was well known. &#8220;Tell me!&#8221; exclaimed
+the Professor, gasping with terror and suspense&mdash;&#8220;Is it Julius
+Arenbourg?&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Alas! it is indeed,&#8221; replied the other. &#8220;Follow me up-stairs, and you
+shall see him.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>They found the body of the ill-fated youth extended on the bed, and a
+pistol near him, the ball of which had gone through his heart. His fine
+features, although somewhat contracted by the peculiar action of a
+gunshot wound, still retained much of their bland and melancholy
+character. The <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">[Pg 82]</a></span>landlord and his family wept as they related that
+Julius, who was their favourite lodger, had returned home after the
+execution with hurried steps, and a countenance of death-like paleness.
+Without speaking to the children, as was his wont, he had locked the
+door of his apartment, where he remained several hours, and then
+hastened with some letters to the post-office. In a few minutes after
+his return, the fatal shot summoned them to his room, where they found
+him dying and speechless. &#8220;But I had nearly forgotten,&#8221; concluded the
+landlord, &#8220;that he left upon his table a letter addressed to Professor
+N.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>The worthy man opened the letter with a trembling hand, and, in a voice
+husky with emotion, read the contents to his companion.</p>
+
+<div class="blockquot"><p>&#8220;From you, my dear Professor, and from my younger friends,
+although but friends of yesterday, I venture to solicit the
+last kindness which human sympathy can offer. If, as I dare to
+hope, I have some hold upon your good opinion, you will not
+refuse to see my remains interred with as much decency as the
+magistrates will permit. In my purse will be found enough to
+meet the amount of this and every other claim upon me.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I have yet another boon to ask, and one of vital moment to my
+unhappy relatives. I have prepared them to expect intelligence
+of my death by fever; and surely my request, that the subjoined
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">[Pg 83]</a></span>notice of my decease may be inserted in the papers of Metz and
+Strasbourg, will not be disregarded by those whose kindness
+taught me the value of existence when I had no alternative but
+to resign it.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;That those earthly blessings, which were denied to me and
+mine, may be abundantly vouchsafed to you, is the fervent
+prayer of the unhappy</p>
+
+<p class="right"><span style="margin-right: 1.5em;">&#8220;<span class="smcap">Julius</span>.</span></p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Died of fever, at &mdash;&mdash;, in Germany, Julius Florian Laroche, a
+native of Champagne, aged 22.&#8221;</p></div>
+
+<p>&#8220;Alas!&#8221; exclaimed the deeply affected Professor, &#8220;the mystery is solved,
+and my suspicions were too well founded. Sad indeed was thy destiny, my
+Julius, and sacred shall be thy last wishes.&#8221;</p>
+
+<p>Kissing the cold brow of the deceased, he hung over his remains in
+silent sorrow, and breathed a fervent prayer for mercy to the suicide;
+then giving brief directions for the funeral, the Professor and his
+friend paced slowly homeward, in silence and in tears.</p>
+
+<hr class="large" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">[Pg 84]</a></span></p>
+<h2><a name="THE_WEARYFUL_WOMAN" id="THE_WEARYFUL_WOMAN"></a>THE WEARYFUL WOMAN.</h2>
+
+<h3>BY JOHN GALT.</h3>
+
+<h4>[<i>MAGA.</i> <span class="smcap">May</span> 1821.]</h4>
+
+<p style="float: left; font-size: 100%; line-height: 80%; margin-top: 0;">&#8220;</p><p class="n"><span style="float:left;font-size:40px;line-height:25px;padding-top:2px;padding-bottom:1px;">I</span>t happened,&#8221; said Mr M&#8217;Waft, &#8220;that there were in the smack many
+passengers, and among others a talkative gentlewoman of no great
+capacity, sadly troubled with a weakness of parts about her
+intellectuals. She was indeed a real weak woman; I think I never met
+with her like for weakness, just as weak as water. Oh but she was a weak
+creature as ever the hand of the Lord put the breath of life in, and
+from morning to night, even between the bockings of the sea-sickness,
+she was aye speaking; na, for that matter, it&#8217;s a God&#8217;s truth, that at
+the dead hour of midnight, when I happened to be wakened by a noise on
+the decks, I heard her speaking to herself for want of other companions;
+and yet for all that, she was vastly entertaining, and in her day had
+seen many a thing that was curious, so that it was no wonder she spoke a
+great deal, having seen so much; but she had no command of her
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">[Pg 85]</a></span>judgment, so that her mind was always going round and round and
+pointing to nothing, like a weathercock in a squally day.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;&#8216;Mrs M&#8217;Adam,&#8217; quoth I to her one day, &#8216;I am greatly surprised at your
+ability in the way of speaking.&#8217; But I was well afflicted for the
+hypocritical compliment, for she then fastened upon me, and whether it
+was at meal-time or on the deck, she would come and sit beside me, and
+talk as if she was trying how many words her tongue could utter without
+a single grain of sense. I was for a time as civil to her as I could be,
+but the more civility I showed, the more she talked, and the weather
+being calm, the vessel made but little way. Such a prospect in a long
+voyage as I had before me!</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;Seeing that my civility had produced such a vexatious effect, I
+endeavoured to shun the woman, but she singled me out, and even when I
+pretended to be overwhelmed with the sickness, she would sit beside me,
+and never cease from talking. If I went below to my bed, she would come
+down and sit in the cabin, and tell a thousand stories about remedies
+for the sea-sickness, for her husband had been a doctor, and had a great
+reputation for skill. &#8216;He was a worthy man,&#8217; quoth she, &#8216;and had a world
+of practice, so that he was seldom at home, and I was obliged to sit by
+myself for hours in the day, without a living creature to speak to, and
+obliged to make the iron tongs my companions, by which <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">[Pg 86]</a></span>silence and
+solitude I fell into low spirits; in the end, however, I broke out of
+them, and from that day to this, I have enjoyed what the doctor called a
+cheerful fecundity of words; but when he, in the winter following, was
+laid up with the gout, he fashed at my spirits, and worked himself into
+such a state of irritation against my endeavours to entertain him, that
+the gout took his head, and he went out of the world like a pluff of
+pouther, leaving me a very disconsolate widow; in which condition, it is
+not every woman who can demean herself with the discretion that I have
+done. Thanks be and praise, however, I have not been tempted beyond my
+strength; for when Mr Pawkie, the seceder minister, came shortly after
+the interment to catch me with the tear in my e&#8217;e, I saw through his
+exhortations, and I told him upon the spot that he might refrain, for
+it was my intent to spend the remainder of my days in sorrow and
+lamentation for my dear deceased husband. Don&#8217;t you think, sir,
+it was a very proper rebuke to the first putting forth of his cloven
+foot? But I had soon occasion to fear that I might stand in need of a
+male protector; for what could I, a simple woman, do with the doctor&#8217;s
+bottles and pots, pills and other doses, to say nothing of his brazen
+pestle and mortar, which of itself was a thing of value, and might be
+coined, as I was told, into a firlot of farthings; not however that
+farthings are now much in circulation, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">[Pg 87]</a></span>the pennies and new bawbees have
+quite supplanted them, greatly, as I think, to the advantage of the poor
+folk, who now get the one or the other, where, in former days, they
+would have been thankful for a farthing; and yet, for all that, there is
+a visible increase in the number of beggars, a thing which I cannot
+understand, and far less thankfulness on their part than of old, when
+alms were given with a scantier hand; but this, no doubt, comes of the
+spreading wickedness of the times. Don&#8217;t you think so, sir? It&#8217;s a
+mystery that I cannot fathom, for there was never a more evident passion
+for church-building than at present; but I doubt there is great truth in
+the old saying, &#8220;The nearer the kirk, the farther from grace,&#8221; which was
+well exemplified in the case of Provost Pedigree of our town, a decent
+man in his externals, and he keepit a hardware shop; he was indeed a
+merchant of &#8220;a&#8217; things,&#8221; from a needle and a thimble down to a rattle
+and a spade. Poor man! he ran at last a ram-race, and was taken before
+the session; but I had always a jealousy of him, for he used to say very
+comical things to me in the doctor&#8217;s lifetime; not that I gave him any
+encouragement farther than in the way of an innocent joke, for he was a
+jocose and jocular man, but he never got the better of that exploit with
+the session, and dwining away, died the year following of a decay, a
+disease for which my dear deceased husband used to say no satisfactory
+<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">[Pg 88]</a></span>remedy exists in nature, except gentle laxatives, before it has taken
+root: but although I have been the wife of a doctor, and spent the best
+part of my life in the smell of drugs, I cannot say that I approve of
+them, except in a case of necessity, where, to be sure, they must be
+taken, if we intend the doctor&#8217;s skill to take effect upon us; but many
+a word me and my dear deceased husband had about my taking of his pills,
+after my long affliction with the hypochondriacal affection, for I could
+never swallow them, but always gave them a check between the teeth, and
+their taste was so odious that I could not help spitting them out. It is
+indeed a great pity, that the Faculty cannot make their nostrums more
+palatable, and I used to tell the doctor, when he was making up doses
+for his patients, that I wondered how he could expect sick folk, unable
+to swallow savoury food, would ever take his nauseous medicines, which
+he never could abide to hear, for he had great confidence in many of his
+prescriptions, especially a bolus of flour of brimstone and treacle for
+the cold, one of the few of his compounds I could ever take with any
+pleasure.&#8217;</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;In this way,&#8221; said Mr M&#8217;Waft, &#8220;did that endless woman rain her words
+into my ear, till I began to fear that something like a gout would also
+take my head; at last I fell on a device, and, lying in bed, began to
+snore with great vehemence, as if I had been sound asleep, by which, for
+a time, I got <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">[Pg 89]</a></span>rid of her; but being afraid to go on deck lest she
+should attack me again, I continued in bed, and soon after fell asleep
+in earnest. How long I had slept I know not, but when I awoke, there was
+she chattering to the steward, whom she instantly left the moment she
+saw my eye open, and was at me again. Never was there such a plague
+invented as that woman; she absolutely worked me into a state of
+despair, and I fled from her presence as from a serpent; but she would
+pursue me up and down, back and fore, till everybody aboard was like to
+die with laughing at us, and all the time she was as serious and polite
+as any gentlewoman could well be.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;When we got to London, I was terrified she would fasten herself on me
+there, and therefore, the moment we reached the wharf, I leapt on shore,
+and ran as fast as I could for shelter to a public-house, till the
+steward had despatched her in a hackney. Then I breathed at
+liberty&mdash;never was I so sensible of the blessing before, and I made all
+my acquaintance laugh very heartily at the story; but my trouble was not
+ended. Two nights after, I went to see a tragedy, and was seated in an
+excellent place, when I heard her tongue going among a number of ladies
+and gentlemen that were coming in. I was seized with a horror, and would
+have fled, but a friend that was with me held me fast; in that same
+moment she recognised me, and before <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_303" id="Page_303">[Pg 90]</a></span>I could draw my breath, she was at
+my side, and her tongue rattling in my lug. This was more than I could
+withstand, so I got up and left the play-house. Shortly after, I was
+invited to dinner, and among other guests, in came that afflicting
+woman, for she was a friend of the family. Oh Lord! such an afternoon I
+suffered&mdash;but the worst was yet to happen.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;I went to St James&#8217;s to see the drawing-room on the birthday, and among
+the crowd I fell in with her again, when, to make the matter complete, I
+found she had been separated from her friends. I am sure they had left
+her to shift for herself; she took hold of my arm as an old
+acquaintance, and humanity would not allow me to cast her off; but
+although I staid till the end of the ceremonies, I saw nothing; I only
+heard the continual murmur of her words, like the sound of a running
+river.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;When I got home to my lodging, I was just like a demented man; my head
+was bizzing like a bee-skep, and I could hear of nothing but the birr of
+that wearyful woman&#8217;s tongue. It was terrible; and I took so ill that
+night, and felt such a loss of appetite and lack of spirit the next day,
+that I was advised by a friend to take advice; and accordingly, in the
+London fashion, I went to a doctor&#8217;s door to do so, but just as I put up
+my hand to the knocker, there within was the wearyful woman in the
+passage, talking away to the servant-man. The moment <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_304" id="Page_304">[Pg 91]</a></span>I saw her I was
+seized with a terror, and ran off like one that has been bitten by a wud
+dog, at the sight and the sound of running water. It is indeed no to be
+described what I suffered from that woman; and I met her so often, that
+I began to think she had been ordained to torment me; and the dread of
+her in consequence so worked upon me, that I grew frightened to leave my
+lodgings, and I walked the streets only from necessity, and then I was
+as a man hunted by an evil spirit.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;But the worst of all was to come. I went out to dine with a friend that
+lives at a town they call Richmond, some six or eight miles from London,
+and there being a pleasant company, and me no in any terror of the
+wearyful woman, I sat wi&#8217; them as easy as you please, till the
+stage-coach was ready to take me back to London. When the stage-coach
+came to the door, it was empty, and I got in; it was a wet night, and
+the wind blew strong, but, tozy wi&#8217; what I had gotten, I laid mysel up
+in a corner, and soon fell fast asleep. I know not how long I had
+slumbered, but I was awakened by the coach stopping, and presently I
+heard the din of a tongue coming towards the coach. It was the wearyful
+woman; and before I had time to come to mysel, the door was opened, and
+she was in, chatting away at my side, the coach driving off.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;As it was dark, I resolved to say nothing, but to sleep on, and never
+heed her. But we hadna <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_305" id="Page_305">[Pg 92]</a></span>travelled half a mile, when a gentleman&#8217;s
+carriage going by with lamps, one of them gleamed on my face, and the
+wearyful woman, with a great shout of gladness, discovered her victim.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;For a time, I verily thought that my soul would have leapt out at the
+croun of my head like a vapour; and when we got to a turn of the road,
+where was a public-house, I cried to the coachman for Heaven&#8217;s sake to
+let me out, and out I jumped. But O waes me! that deevil thought I was
+taken ill, and as I was a stranger, the moment I was out and in the
+house, out came she likewise, and came talking into the kitchen, into
+which I had ran, perspiring with vexation.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;At the sight, I ran back to the door, determined to prefer the wet and
+wind on the outside of the coach to the clatter within. But the coach
+was off, and far beyond call. I could have had the heart, I verily
+believe, to have quenched the breath of life in that wearyful woman; for
+when she found the coach was off without us, her alarm was a perfect
+frenzy, and she fastened on me worse than ever&mdash;I thought my heart would
+have broken.</p>
+
+<p>&#8220;By-and-by came another coach, and we got into it. Fortunately twa young
+London lads, clerks or siclike, were within. They endured her tongue for
+a time, but at last they whispered each other, and one of them giving me
+a nodge or sign, taught me to expect they would try to silence her.
+Accordingly <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_306" id="Page_306">[Pg 93]</a></span>the other broke suddenly out into an immoderate doff-like
+laugh that was really awful. The mistress paused for a minute, wondering
+what it could be at; anon, however, her tongue got under way, and off
+she went; presently again the younker gave another gaffaw, still more
+dreadful than the first. His companion, seeing the effect it produced on
+Madam, said, &#8216;Don&#8217;t be apprehensive; he has only been for some time in a
+sort of deranged state; he is quite harmless, I can assure you.&#8217; This
+had the desired effect, and from that moment till I got her safe off in
+a hackney-coach from where the stage stoppit, there was nae word out of
+her head; she was as quiet as pussy, and cowered in to me in
+terrification o&#8217; the madman breaking out. I thought it a souple trick o&#8217;
+the Londoners. In short,&#8221; said Mr M&#8217;Waft, &#8220;though my adventures with the
+wearyful woman is a story now to laugh at, it was in its time nothing
+short of a calamity.&#8221;</p>
+
+<hr class="tiny" />
+
+<p class="center"><small>PRINTED BY WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS, EDINBURGH.</small></p>
+
+<hr class="large" />
+<h3><span class="smcap">Footnotes:</span></h3>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_A_1" id="Footnote_A_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_1"><span class="label">[A]</span></a> Fact.</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_B_2" id="Footnote_B_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_B_2"><span class="label">[B]</span></a> Throughout Germany, public executioners are called
+infamous, and are shut out of the pale of society. A similar feeling
+prevailed in France before the Revolution.</p></div>
+
+<hr class="large" />
+<h3><span class="smcap">Transcriber&#8217;s Note:</span></h3>
+
+<p>Minor changes have been made to correct typesetters&#8217; errors; otherwise,
+every effort has been made to remain true to the authors&#8217; words and
+intent.</p>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Tales from "Blackwood," Volume 3, by Various
+
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+</body>
+</html>
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Tales from "Blackwood," Volume 3, by Various
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Tales from "Blackwood," Volume 3
+
+Author: Various
+
+Release Date: September 10, 2010 [EBook #33694]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TALES FROM "BLACKWOOD," VOLUME 3 ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by D Alexander, Juliet Sutherland and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+ TALES
+ FROM
+ "BLACKWOOD"
+
+ Contents of this Volume
+
+ _A Reading Party in the Long Vacation_
+
+ _Father Tom and the Pope_
+
+ _La Petite Madelaine. By Mrs Southey_
+
+ _Bob Burke's Duel with Ensign Brady. By the late
+ William Maginn, LL.D._
+
+ _The Headsman: A Tale of Doom_
+
+ _The Wearyful Woman. By John Galt_
+
+ WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS
+ EDINBURGH AND LONDON
+
+
+
+
+TALES FROM "BLACKWOOD."
+
+
+
+
+A READING PARTY IN THE LONG VACATION.
+
+[_MAGA._ AUGUST 1843.]
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+Every one who knows Oxford, and a good many besides, must have heard of
+certain periodical migrations of the younger members of that learned
+university into distant and retired parts of her Majesty's dominions,
+which (on the "_lucus a non lucendo_" principle) are called and known by
+the name of Reading Parties. Some half-dozen undergraduates, in peril of
+the coming examination, form themselves into a joint-stock cramming
+company; take L30 or L40 shares in a private tutor; pitch their camp
+in some Dan or Beersheba which has a reputation for dulness; and,
+like other joint-stock companies, humbug the public, and sometimes
+themselves, into the belief that they are "doing business." For these
+classical bubbles, the long vacation is the usual season, and Wales one
+of the favourite localities; and certainly, putting "Reading" out of
+the question, three fine summer months might be worse spent, than in
+climbing the mountains, and whipping the trout-streams, of that romantic
+land. Many a quiet sea-side town, or picturesque fishing-village, might
+be mentioned, which owes no little of its summer gaiety, and perhaps
+something of its prosperity, to the annual visit of "the Oxonians:"
+many a fair girl has been indebted for the most piquant flirtation
+of the season to the "gens togata," who were reading at the little
+watering-place to which fate and papa had carried her for the race-week
+or the hunt-ball: and whatever the effect of these voluntary
+rustications upon the class lists in Oxford, they certainly have
+procured for the parties occasionally a very high "provincial
+celebrity." I know that when we beat our retreat from summer quarters
+at Glyndewi in 18--, the sighs of our late partners were positively
+heart-rending, and the blank faces of the deserted billiard-marker and
+solitary livery-stable groom haunt me to this day.
+
+I had been endeavouring, by hard reading for the last three months, to
+work up the arrears of three years of college idleness, when my evil
+genius himself, in the likeness of George Gordon of Trinity, persuaded
+me to put the finishing-touch to my education, by joining a party who
+were going down to Glyndewi, in ----shire, "really to read." In an
+unguarded moment I consented; packed up books enough to last me for
+five years, reading at the rate of twenty-four hours per day, wrote
+to the governor announcing my virtuous intention, and was formally
+introduced to the Rev. Mr Hanmer, Gordon's tutor, as one of his "cubs"
+for the long vacation.
+
+Six of us there were to be; a very mixed party, and not well mixed--a
+social chaos. We had an exquisite from St Mary Hall, a pea-coated
+Brazen-nose boatman, a philosophical water-drinker and union-debater
+from Baliol, and a two-bottle man from Christ Church. When we first met,
+it was like oil and water; it seemed as if we might be churned together
+for a century, and never coalesce: but in time, like punch-making, it
+turned out that the very heterogeneousness of the ingredients was the
+zest of the compound.
+
+I had never heard of such a place as Glyndewi, nor had I an idea how to
+get there. Gordon and Hanmer were gone already; so I packed myself on
+the top of the Shrewsbury mail, as the direct communication between
+Oxford and North Wales, and there became acquainted with No. 2 of my
+fellows in transportation (for, except Gordon and myself, we were all
+utter strangers to each other). "I say, Hawkins, let's feel those
+ribbons a bit, will you?" quoth the occupant of the box-seat to our
+respectable Jehu. "Can't indeed, sir, with these hosses: it's as much as
+ever I can do to hold this here near leader." This was satisfactory.
+Risking one's neck in a tandem was all very well--a part of the regular
+course of an Oxford education; but amateur drivers of stage coaches
+I had always a prejudice against: let gentlemen keep their own
+four-in-hands, and upset themselves and families, as they have an
+undeniable right to do--but not the public. I looked at the first
+speaker; at his pea-jacket, that is, which was all I could see of him:
+Oxford decidedly. His cigar was Oxford too, by the villanous smell
+of it. He took the coachman's implied distrust of his professional
+experience good-humouredly enough, proffered him his cigar-case, and
+entered into a discussion on the near leader's moral and physical
+qualities. "I'll trouble you for a light, if you please," said I. He
+turned round, we stuck the ends of our cigars together, and puffed into
+each other's faces for about a minute (my cigars were dampish), as grave
+as North American Indians. "Thank you," said I, as the interesting
+ceremony was concluded, and our acquaintance begun. We got into
+conversation, when it appeared that he too was bound for the
+undiscovered shores of Glyndewi, and that we were therefore likely to be
+companions for the next three months. He was an off-hand, good-humoured
+fellow; drank brandy-and-water, treated the coachman, and professed an
+acquaintance with bar-maids in general, and pretty ones in particular,
+on our line of road. He was going up for a class, he supposed, he said;
+the governor had taken a "second below the line" himself, and insisted
+upon his emulating the paternal distinction; d----d nonsense, he said,
+in his opinion: except that the governor had a couple of harriers with
+Greek names, he did not see that his classics were of any use to him;
+and no doubt but that Hylax and Phryne would run just as well if they
+had been called Stormer and Merry Lass. However, he must rub up all his
+old Eton books this "long," and get old Hanmer to lay it on thick. Such
+was Mr Branling of Brazen-nose.
+
+At Shrewsbury, we were saluted with the intelligence, "Coach dines here,
+gentlemen." We found a couple of fowls that the coach might probably
+have dined upon, and digested with other articles--in the hind boot; to
+human stomachs they seemed impracticable. We employed the allotted ten
+minutes upon a leg of mutton, and ascended again to our stations on the
+roof; and here was an addition to our party. Externally, it consisted
+of a mackintosh and a fur cap: in the very short interval between the
+turned-down flap of the one and the turned-up collar of the other, were
+a pair of grey glass spectacles, and part of a nose. So far we had no
+very sufficient premises from which to draw conclusions, whether or not
+he were "one of us." But there were internal evidences; an odour of
+Bouquet de Roi, or some such villanous compound, nearly overpowering
+the fragrance of some genuine weed which I had supplied my pea-coated
+friend with in the place of his Oxford "Havannahs;" a short cough
+occasionally, as though the smoke of the said weed were not altogether
+"the perfume of the lips he loved;" and a resolute taciturnity. What was
+he? It is a lamentable fact, that an Oxford undergraduate does not
+invariably look the gentleman. He vibrates between the fashionable
+assurance of a London swindler and the modest diffidence of an overgrown
+schoolboy. There is usually a degree of unfinishedness about him. He
+seems to be assuming a character: unlike the glorious Burschenschaft
+of Germany, he has no character of his own. However, for want of more
+profitable occupation, we set to work in earnest to discover who our
+fellow-traveller really was; and by a series of somewhat American
+conversational inquiries, we at last fished out that he was going into
+----shire, like ourselves--nay, in answer to a direct question on the
+subject, that he hoped to meet Hanmer of Trinity at Glyndewi. But no
+further information could we get: our new friend was reserved. Mr
+Branling and I had commenced intimacy already. "My name is Branling
+of Brazen-nose;" "and mine Hawthorne of ----;" was our concise
+introduction. But our companion was the pink of Oxford correctness on
+this point. He thanked the porter for putting his luggage up; called me
+"Sir," till he found I was an Oxford man; and had we travelled for a
+month together, would rather have requested the coachman to introduce
+us, than be guilty of any such barbarism as to introduce himself. So by
+degrees our intimacy, instead of warming, waxed cold. As night drew on,
+and the fire of cigars from Branling, self, and coachman became more
+deadly, the fur cap was drawn still closer over the ears, the mackintosh
+crept up higher, and we lost sight of all but the outline of the
+spectacles.
+
+The abominable twitter of the sparrows in the hedgerows gave notice of
+the break of day--to travellers the most dismal of all hours, in my
+opinion--when I awoke from the comfortable nap into which I had fallen
+since the last change of horses. For some time we alternately dozed,
+tumbled against each other, begged pardon, and awoke; till at last the
+sun broke out gloriously as we drove into the cheerful little town of
+B----.
+
+A good breakfast set us all to rights, and made even our friend in the
+mackintosh talkative. He came out most in the character of tea-maker (an
+office, by the way, which he filled to the general satisfaction of his
+constituents during our stay in North Wales). We found out that he was a
+St Mary Hall man, with a duplicate name: Mr Sydney Dawson, as the cards
+on his multifarious luggage set forth: that he was an aspirant for
+"anything he could get" in the way of honours (humble aspiration as it
+seemed, it was not destined to be gratified, for he got nothing). He
+thought he might find some shooting and fishing in Wales, so had
+brought with him a gun-case and a setter; though his pretensions to
+sportsmanship proved to be rather of the cockney order. For three months
+he was the happily unconscious butt of our party, and yet never but once
+was his good-humour seriously interrupted.
+
+From B---- to Glyndewi we had been told we must make our way as we
+could: and a council of war, which included boots and the waiter, ended
+in the arrival of the owner of one of the herring-boats, of which there
+were several under "the terrace." "Was you wish to go to Glyndewi,
+gentlemen? I shall take you so quick as any way; she is capital wind,
+and you shall have fine sail." A man who could speak such undeniable
+English was in himself a treasure; for an ineffectual attempt at a
+bargain for some lobsters (even with a "Welsh interpreter" in our hands)
+had warned us that there were in this Christian country unknown tongues
+which would have puzzled even the Rev. Edward Irving. So the bargain was
+struck: in half an hour ourselves and traps were alongside the boat:
+and after waiting ten minutes for the embarkation of Mr Sydney Dawson
+and his dog Sholto, who seemed to have an abhorrence of sea-voyages,
+Branling at last hauled in the latter in the last agonies of
+strangulation, and his master having tumbled in over him, to the
+detriment of a pair of clean whites and a cerulean waistcoat, we--_i.
+e._ the rest of us--set sail for Glyndewi in high spirits.
+
+Our boatmen were intelligent fellows, and very anxious to display their
+little stock of English. They knew Mr Hanmer well, they said--he had
+been at Glyndewi the summer before; he was "nice free gentleman;" and
+they guessed immediately the object of our pilgrimage: Glyndewi was
+"very much for learning;" did not gentlemen from Oxford College, and
+gentlemen from Cambridge College, all come there? We warned him not on
+any account to couple us in his mind with "Cambridge gentlemen:" we were
+quite a distinct species, we assured him. (They had beaten us that year
+in the eight-oar match on the Thames.) But there seemed no sufficient
+reason for disabusing their minds of the notion that this influx of
+students was owing to something classical in the air of Glyndewi;
+indeed, supposing this theory to be wrong, it was no easy matter to
+substitute a sounder one. In what did the superiority of Mrs Jenkins's
+smoky parlour at Glyndewi consist, for the purposes of reading for a
+degree, compared with my pleasant rooms looking into ---- gardens at
+Oxford, or the governor's snug library at home? It is an abstruse
+question. Parents and guardians, indeed, whose part upon the stage of
+life, as upon the theatrical stage, consists principally in submitting
+to be more or less humbugged, attribute surprising effects to a fancied
+absence of all amusements, with a mill-horse round of Greek, Latin, and
+logic, early rising, and walks in the country with a pocket Horace. From
+my own experience of reading parties, I should select as their peculiar
+characteristics a tendency to hats and caps of such remarkable shapes
+as, if once sported in the college quadrangle, would be the subject of
+a common-room _instanter_; and, among some individuals (whom we may
+call the peripatetic philosophers of the party) a predilection for
+seedy shooting-coats and short pipes, with which they perambulate the
+neighbourhood to the marvel of the aboriginal inhabitants; while
+those whom we may class with the stoics, display a preference for
+dressing-gowns and meerschaums, and confine themselves principally to
+the doorways and open windows of their respective lodgings. How far
+these "helps to knowledge"--for which Oxford certainly does not afford
+equal facilities--conduce to the required first or second class, is a
+question I do not feel competent to decide; but _if_ reading-parties
+_do_ succeed, the secret of their success may at least as probably lie
+in these hitherto unregarded phenomena.
+
+Five hours of a fair wind brought us to Glyndewi. Here we found Hanmer
+and Gordon, who had taken a house for the party, and seemed already
+domesticated. I cannot say that we were royally lodged: the rooms were
+low, and the terms high; but as no one thought of taking lodgings at
+Glyndewi in the winter, and the rats consequently lived in them
+rent-free for six months, it was but fair somebody should pay: and
+we did. "Attendance" we had into the bargain. Now, attendance at a
+lodging-house has been defined to be, the privilege of ringing your bell
+as often as you please, provided you do not expect any one to answer it.
+But the bell-ropes in Mrs Jenkins's parlours being only ornamental
+appendages, our privilege was confined to calling upon the landing-place
+for a red-headed female, who, when she did come, which was seldom, was
+terrible to look upon, and could only be conversed with by pantomime.
+
+To do Mrs Jenkins and "Gwenny" justice, they were scrupulously clean
+in everything but their own persons, which, the latter's especially,
+seemed to have monopolised the dirt of the whole establishment.
+College bedrooms are not luxurious affairs, so we were not inclined
+to be captious on that head; and we slept soundly, and awoke with a
+determination to make our first voyage of discovery in a charitable
+spirit.
+
+The result of our morning's stroll was the unanimous conclusion that
+Glyndewi was a rising place. It did not seem inclined to rise all at
+once though; but in patches here and there, with a quarter of a mile or
+so between, like what we read of the great sea-serpent. (I fear this
+individual is no more; this matter-of-fact age has been the death of
+him.) There were two long streets--one parallel to the quay (or, as the
+more refined call it, "the terrace"), and the other at right angles to
+it. The first was Herring Street--the second Goose Street. At least such
+were the ancient names, which I give for the benefit of antiquarian
+readers. Since the then Princess Victoria visited B----, the loyalty of
+the Glyndewi people had changed "Herring" into "Victoria;" and her royal
+consort has since had the equivocal compliment paid him of transmuting
+"Goose Street" into "Albert Buildings." I trust it will not be
+considered disloyal to say, that the original sponsors--the geese and
+the herrings--seem to me to have been somewhat hardly used; having done
+more for their namesakes than, as far as I can learn, their royal
+successors even promised.
+
+Glyndewi was rising, however, in more respects than in the matter of
+taste in nomenclature. Tall houses, all front and windows, were stuck up
+here and there; sometimes with a low fisherman's cottage between them,
+whose sinking roof and bulging walls looked as if, like the frog in the
+fable, it had burst in the vain attempt to rival its majestic neighbour.
+At one end stood a large hotel with a small business, and an empty
+billiard-room; at the other, a wall six inches high marked the spot
+where subscription-rooms were to be built for the accommodation of
+visitors and the public generally, as set forth in the prospectus, as
+soon as the visitors and the public chose to find the money. Nearly the
+whole of the village was the property of a gentleman who had built
+the hotel and billiard-room, and run up a few lodging-houses on a
+speculation, which seemed at best a doubtful one, of making it in time
+a fashionable watering-place.
+
+Glyndewi had been recommended to us as a quiet place. It was
+quiet--horribly quiet. Not the quiet of green fields and deep woods,
+the charm of country life; but the quiet of a teetotal supper-party,
+or a college in vacation. "Just the place for reading: no gaiety--no
+temptations." So I had written to tell the governor, in the ardour of my
+setting forth as one of a "reading-party:" alas! it was a fatal mistake.
+Had it been an ordinarily cheerful place, I think one or two of us could
+and would have read there; as it was, our whole wits were set to work to
+enliven its dulness. It took us as long to invent an amusement, as would
+have sufficed elsewhere for getting tired of half-a-dozen different
+dissipations. The very reason which made us fix upon it as a place to
+read in, proved in our case the source of unmitigated idleness. "No
+temptations," indeed! there were no temptations--the only temptation I
+felt there was to hang or drown myself, and there was not a tree six
+feet high within as many miles, and the Dewi was a river "darkly,
+deeply, beautifully"--muddy; it would have been smothering rather. We
+should not have staid to the end of the first month, had it not been for
+very shame; but to run away from a reading-party would have been a joke
+against us for ever. So from the time we got up in the morning, until
+we climbed Mrs Jenkins's domestic tread-mill again at night, the one
+question was, what should we do with ourselves? Walk? there were the
+A---- and B---- roads--three miles of sand and dust either way. Before
+us was the bay--behind the ----shire mountains, up which one might walk
+some sixteen miles (in the month of July), and get the same view from
+each successive point you reached: viz., a hill before you, which you
+thought must be the top at last, and Glyndewi--of which we knew the
+number of houses, and the number of windows in each--behind. Ride
+then?--the two hacks kept by mine host of the Mynysnewydd Arms deserve
+a history to themselves. Rosinante would have been ashamed to be seen
+grazing in the same field with such caricatures of his race. There was a
+board upon a house a few doors off, announcing that "pleasure and other
+boats" were to be let on hire. All the boats that we were acquainted
+with must have been the "other" ones--for they smelled of herrings,
+sailed at about the pace of a couple of freshmen in a "two-oar," and
+gave very pretty exercise--to those who were fond of it--in baling. As
+for reading, we were like the performers at a travelling theatre--always
+"going to begin."
+
+Branling, indeed, did once shut himself up in his bedroom, as we
+afterwards ascertained, with a box of cigars and a black and tan
+terrier, and read for three weeks on end in the peculiar atmosphere thus
+created. Willingham of Christ Church, and myself, had what was called
+the dining-room in common, and proceeded so far on the third day after
+our arrival, as to lay out a very imposing spread of books upon all the
+tables; and there it remained in evidence of our good intentions, until
+the first time we were called upon to do the honours of an extempore
+luncheon. Unfortunately, from the very first, Willingham and myself
+were set down by Hanmer as the idle men of the party; this sort of
+prophetical discrimination, which tutors at Oxford are very much in the
+habit of priding themselves upon, tends, like other prophecies, to work
+its own fulfilment. Did a civil Welshman favour us with a call? "Show
+him in to Mr Hawthorne and Mr Willingham; I dare say they are not very
+busy"--quoth our _Jupiter tonans_ from on high in the dining-room, where
+he held his court; and accordingly in he came. We had Stilton and
+bottled porter in charge for these occasions from the common stock; but
+the honours of all these visits were exclusively our own, as far as
+house-room went. In dropped the rest of the party, one by one. Hanmer
+himself pitched the Ethics into a corner to make room, as he said, for
+substantials, the froth of bottled Guinness damped the eloquence of
+Cicero, and Branling having twisted up my analysis of the last-read
+chapter into a light for his cigar, there was an end of our morning's
+work. How could we read? That was what we always said, and there was
+some truth in it.
+
+Mr Branling's reading fit was soon over too; and having cursed the
+natives for barbarians, because there was not a pack of harriers within
+ten miles, which confirmed him in the opinion he had always expressed of
+their utter want of civilisation (for, as he justly remarked, not one in
+a dozen could even speak decent English), he waited impatiently for
+September, when he had got leave from some Mr Williams or Jones--I never
+remembered which--to shoot over a considerable range about Glyndewi.
+
+But with the 20th of August a change came o'er the spirit of our dream.
+Hitherto we had seen little of any of the neighbouring families,
+excepting that of a Captain George Phillips, who, living only three
+miles off, on the bank of the river, and having three sons and two
+daughters, and keeping a pretty yacht, had given us a dinner-party
+or two, and a pleasant day's sail. Capital fellows were the young
+Phillipses: Nature's gentlemen; unsophisticated, hearty Welshmen; lads
+from sixteen to twenty. Down they used to come in a most dangerous
+little craft of their own, which went by the name of the "Coroner's
+Inquest," to smoke cigars, (against which the Captain had published an
+interdict at home), and question us about Oxford larks, and tell us in
+return stories of wild-fowl shooting, otter-hunting, and salmon-fishing,
+in all which they were proficient.
+
+Our establishment was not an imposing one, but of them we made no
+strangers. Once they came, I remember, self-invited to dinner, in a most
+unfortunate state of our larder. The weekly half sheep had not arrived
+from B----; to get anything in Glyndewi, beyond the native luxuries of
+bacon and herrings, was hopeless; and our dinner happened to be a leash
+of fowls, of which we had just purchased a live supply. Mrs Glasse would
+have been in despair; we took it coolly; to the three boiled fowls at
+top, we added three roast ditto at bottom, and by unanimous consent of
+both guests and entertainers, a more excellent dinner was never put on
+table.
+
+But the 20th of August the day of the Glyndewi regatta!--_that_ must
+have a chapter to itself.
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+When a dull place like Glyndewi does undertake to be gay, it seldom does
+things by halves. Ordinary doses of excitement fail to meet the urgency
+of the case. It was the fashion, it appeared, for all the country
+families of any pretensions to _ton_, and not a few of the idlers from
+the neighbouring watering-places, to be at Glyndewi for the race-week.
+And as far as the programme of amusements went, certainly the committee
+(consisting of the resident surgeon, the non-resident proprietor of the
+"hotel," &c., and a retired major in the H.E.I.C.'s service, called
+by his familiars by the endearing name of "Tiger Jones") had made a
+spirited attempt to meet the demand. A public breakfast, and a regatta,
+and a ball--a "Full Dress and Fancy Ball," the advertisement said, on
+the 20th; a Horse-Race and an Ordinary on the 21st; a Cricket Match, if
+possible, and any extra fun which the Visitors' own genius might strike
+out on the following days.
+
+The little bay of Glyndewi was not a bad place for a boat-race on a
+small scale. The "terrace" commanded the whole of it; there were plenty
+of herring-boats, about equally matched in sailing deficiencies, ready
+and willing to "run"--_i. e._ creep--for the prizes; and an honourable
+member of the Yacht Club, who for some years past, for reasons which it
+was said his creditors could explain, had found it more convenient to
+keep his season at B---- than at Cowes, always paid the stewards the
+compliment of carrying off the "Ladies' Challenge Cup."
+
+The two or three years' experience which the Glyndewi people had lately
+gained of the nature and habits of "the Oxonians," made them an article
+in great demand on these occasions. Mammas and daughters agreed in
+looking upon us as undeniable partners in the ball-room, while the
+sporting men booked us as safe for getting up a creditable four-oar,
+with a strong probability of finding a light-weight willing to risk his
+neck and reputation at a hurdle-race. Certain it is, that from the time
+the races began to be seriously talked about, we began to feel ourselves
+invested with additional importance. "Tiger Jones" (who occupied a snug
+little box about a mile out of Glyndewi, where he lived upon cheroots
+and brandy-and-water) called, was exceedingly polite, apologised for
+not inviting us to dinner--a thing he declared impossible in his
+quarters--hoped we would call some day and take a lunch with him, spoke
+with rapture of the capital crew which "the gentlemen who were studying
+here last summer" had made up, and which ran away from all competitors,
+and expressed a fervent hope that we should do likewise.
+
+The sporting surgeon (of course he had called upon us long ago)
+redoubled his attentions, begged that if any of us were cricketers we
+would endeavour to aid him in getting up a "Glyndewi eleven" against the
+"Strangers," and fixed himself upon me as an invaluable acquisition,
+when he found I had actually once played in a match against Marylebone.
+(I did not tell him that the total score of my innings was "_one_.")
+Would I, then, at once take the drilling of as many recruits as he could
+get together? And would Mr Willingham and Mr Gordon, who "used to play
+at school," get up their practice again? (It wanted about a fortnight to
+the races.) The result of this, and sundry other interviews, was, that
+Branling at length found a vent for the _vis inertiae_ in putting us all,
+with the exception of Mr Sydney Dawson, whom he declared to be so stiff
+in the back that he had no hope of him, into training for a four-oar;
+and the surgeon and myself set off in his gig for B----, to purchase
+materials for cricket.
+
+It is true that our respected tutor did look more than usually grave,
+and shook his head with a meaning almost as voluminous as Lord
+Burleigh's, when informed of our new line of study. Rowing he declared
+to be a most absurd expenditure of time and strength; he never could see
+the fun of men breaking blood-vessels, and getting plucked for their
+degree, for the honour of "the Trinity Boat." But the cricket touched
+him on the raw. He was an old Etonian, and had in his time been
+a good player; and was now as active as any stout gentleman of
+seven-and-thirty, who had been twelve years a steady admirer of bursary
+dinners and common-room port. So, after some decent scruples on his
+part, and some well-timed compliments touching his physical abilities on
+ours (he was much vainer of the muscle of his arm than of his high
+reputation as a scholar), we succeeded in drawing from him a sort of
+promise, that if we were so foolish as to get up a match, he would try
+whether he had forgot all about bowling.
+
+For the next fortnight, therefore, we had occupation enough cut out
+for us. Branling was unmerciful in his practice on the river; and
+considering that two of us had never pulled an oar but in the slowest
+of "Torpids," we improved surprisingly under his tuition. The cricket,
+too, was quite a new era in our existence. Dawson (we told him that the
+"Sydney" must be kept for Sundays) was a perfect fund of amusement in
+his zealous practice. He knew as much about the matter as a cow might,
+and was rather less active. But if perseverance could have made a
+cricketer, he would have turned out a first-rate one. Not content with
+two or three hours of it every fine evening, when we all sallied down
+to the marsh, followed by every idler in Glyndewi, he used to disappear
+occasionally in the mornings, and for some days puzzled us as to where
+and how he disposed of himself. We had engaged, in our corporate
+capacity, the services of a most original retainer, who cleaned boots,
+fetched the beer, ate the cold mutton, and made himself otherwise
+useful when required. He was amphibious in his habits, having been a
+herring-fisher the best part of his life; but being a martyr to the
+rheumatism, which occasionally screwed him up into indescribable forms,
+had betaken himself to earning a precarious subsistence as he could on
+shore. It was not often that we required his services between breakfast
+and luncheon, but one morning, after having despatched Gwenny in all
+directions to hunt for Bill Thomas in vain, we at at last elicited from
+her that "maybe she was gone with Mr Dawson." Then it came out, to our
+infinite amusement, that Dawson was in the habit, occasionally, of
+impressing our factotum Bill to carry bat, stumps, and ball down to the
+marsh, and there commencing private practice on his own account.
+
+Mr Sydney Dawson and Bill Thomas--the sublime and the
+ridiculous--amalgamating at cricket, was far too good a joke to lose; so
+we got Hanmer to cut his lecture short, and come down with us to the
+scene of action. From the cover of a sand-bank, we had a view of all
+that was going on in the plain below. There was our friend at the
+wicket, with his coat off, and the grey spectacles on, in an attitude
+which it must have taken him some study to accomplish, and Bill, with
+the ball in his hand, vociferating "Plaiy." A ragged urchin behind the
+wicket, attempting to bag the balls as Dawson missed them in what had
+once been a hat, and Sholto looking on with an air of mystification,
+completed the picture.
+
+"That's too slow," said Sydney, as Bill, after some awful contortions,
+at length delivered himself of what he called a cast. "_Diawl!_" said
+Bill, _sotto voce_, as he again got possession of the ball. "That's too
+high," was the complaint, as, with an extraordinary kind of jerk, it
+flew some yards over the batsman's head, and took what remained of the
+crown out of the little lazzaroni's hat behind. "_Diawl!_" quoth Bill
+again, apologetically. "She got too much way on her that time." Bill
+was generally pretty wide of his mark, and great appeared to be the
+satisfaction of all parties when Dawson contrived to make a hit, and
+Sholto and the boy set off after the ball, while the striker leaned with
+elegant _nonchalance_ upon his bat, and Bill mopped his face, and gave
+vent to a complimentary variety of "Diawl." It was really a pity to
+interrupt the performance; but we did at last. Bill looked rather
+ashamed of his share in the business when he saw "Mishtar," as he called
+Hanmer; but Dawson's self-complacency and good-humour carried him
+through everything. "By Jove," said Willingham to him, "no wonder you
+improve in your style of play; Bill has no bad notion of bowling, has
+he?" "Why, no; he does very well for practice; and he is to have
+half-a-crown if he gets me out." "Bowl at his legs, Bill," said
+Willingham aside, "he's out, you know, if you hit them." "Nay," said
+Bill, with a desponding shake of the head, "she squat 'n hard on the
+knee now just, and made 'n proper savage, but I wasn't get nothing for
+that."
+
+Positively we did more in the way of reading after the boating and the
+cricket began, than while we continued in a state of vagrant idleness,
+without a fixed amusement of any kind. In the first place, it was
+necessary to conciliate Hanmer by some show of industry in the morning,
+in order to keep him in good humour for the cricket in the evening; for
+he was decidedly the main hope of our having anything like a decent
+eleven. Secondly, the Phillipses took to dining early at home, and
+coming to practice with us in the evening, instead of dropping down the
+river every breezy morning, and either idling in our rooms, or beguiling
+us out mackerel-fishing or flapper-shooting in their boat. And thirdly,
+it became absolutely necessary that we should do something, if class
+lists and examiners had any real existence, and were not mere bugbears
+invented by "alma mater" to instil a wholesome terror into her unruly
+progeny. Really, when one compared our actual progress with the Augean
+labour which was to be gone through, it required a large amount of faith
+to believe that we were all "going up for honours in October."
+
+We spent a very pleasant morning at Llyn-eiros, the den of "Tiger
+Jones." He obtained this somewhat appalling sobriquet from a habit of
+spinning yarns, more marvellous than his unwarlike neighbours were
+accustomed to, of the dangers encountered in his Indian sports; and one
+in particular, of an extraordinary combat between his "chokedar" and a
+tiger--whether the gist of the story lay in the tiger's eating the
+chokedar, or the chokedar eating the tiger, I am not sure--I rather
+think the latter. However, in Wales one is always glad to have some
+distinguishing appellation to prefix to the name of Jones. If a man's
+godfathers and godmothers have the forethought to christen him
+"Mountstewart Jones," or "Fitzhardinge Jones" (I knew such instances of
+cognominal anticlimax), then it was all very well--no mistake about the
+individuality of such fortunate people. But "Tom Joneses" and "Bob
+Joneses" were no individuals at all. They were classes, and large
+classes; and had to be again distinguished into "Little Bob Joneses" and
+"Long Bob Joneses." Or if there happened to be nothing sufficiently
+characteristic in the personal appearance of the rival Joneses, then
+was he fortunate who had no less complimentary additions to his style
+and title than what might be derived from the name of his location, or
+the nature of his engagements. These honours were often hereditary--nay,
+sometimes descended in the female line. We hear occasionally, in
+England, of "Mrs Doctor Smith," and "Mrs Major Brown;" and absurd as it
+is, one does comprehend by intuition that it was the gentleman and not
+the lady who was the ten-year man at Cambridge, or the commandant of
+the Boggleton yeomanry; but few besides a Welshman would have learned,
+without a smile, that "Mrs Jones the officer" was the relict of the late
+tide-waiter at Glyndewi, or that the quiet, modest little daughter of
+the town-clerk of B---- was known to her intimates as "Miss Jones the
+lawyer." Luckily our friend the Tiger was a bachelor; it would have been
+alarming to a nervous stranger at the Glyndewi ball, upon inquiring the
+name of the young lady with red hair and cat's eyes, to have been
+introduced incontinently to "Miss Jones the tiger."
+
+The Tiger himself was a well-disposed animal; somewhat given to solitary
+prowling, like his namesakes in a state of nature, but of most
+untigerlike and facetious humour. He generally marched into Glyndewi
+after an early breakfast, and from that time until he returned to
+his "mutton" at five, might be seen majestically stalking up and down
+the extreme edge of the terrace, looking at the fishing-boats, and
+shaking--_not_ his tail, for, as all stout gentlemen seemed to think it
+their duty to do by the sea-side, he wore a round jacket. From the time
+that we began our new pursuits, he took to us amazingly--called us
+his "dear lads"--offered bets to any amount that we should beat the
+B---- Cutter Club, and protested that he never saw finer bowling at
+Lord's than Hanmer's.
+
+Branling was in delight. He had found a man who would smoke with him all
+day (report said, indeed, that the Tiger regularly went to sleep with
+a cheroot in his mouth), and he had the superintending of "the boat,"
+which was his thought from morning to night. A light gig, that had once
+belonged to the custom-house, was polished and painted under his special
+directions (often did we sigh for one of King's worst "fours!") and the
+fishermen marvelled at such precocious nautical talent.
+
+None of these, however--great events as they were in our hitherto
+monotonous sojourn--were the "crowning mercy" of the Glyndewi regatta.
+Hitherto the sunshine of bright eyes, and the breath of balmy lips, had
+been almost as much unknown to us as if we had been still within the
+monastic walls of Oxford. We had dined in a body at our friend the
+surgeon's: he was a bachelor. We had been invited by twos and threes at
+a time to a Welsh squire's in the neighbourhood, who had two maiden
+sisters, and a fat, good-humoured wife. Captain Phillips had given us a
+spread more than once at Craig-y-gerron, and, of course, some of us (I
+was not so fortunate) had handed in the Misses Phillips to dinner; but
+the greater part of the time from six till eleven (at which hour Hanmer
+always ordered out our "_trap_") was too pleasantly occupied in
+discussing the captain's port and claret, and laughing at his jokes,
+to induce us to give much time or attention to the ladies in the
+drawing-room. If some of my fair readers exclaim against this stoic (or
+rather epicurean) indifference, it may gratify their injured vanity to
+know, that in the sequel some of us paid for it.
+
+The Phillipses came down in full force the day before the regatta; they
+were engaged to lunch with us, and, as it was the first time that the
+ladies of the party had honoured us with a visit, we spared no pains to
+make our entertainment somewhat more _recherche_ than was our wont. It
+was then that I first discovered that Clara Phillips was beautiful. I am
+not going to describe her now; I never could have described her. All I
+knew, and all I remember, was, that for a long time afterwards I formed
+my standard of what a woman ought to be, by unconscious comparison with
+what she was. What colour her eyes were, was a question among us at the
+time. Willingham swore they were grey; Dawson insisted that they were
+hazel; Branling, to whom they referred the point, was inclined to think
+there was "something green" in them. But that they were eyes of no
+common expression, all of us were agreed. I think at least half the
+party were more than half in love with her when that race-week was over.
+In one sense it was not her fault if we were; for a girl more thoroughly
+free from every species of coquetry, and with less of that pitiful
+ambition of making conquests, which is the curse of half the sex, it was
+impossible to meet with. But she was to blame for it too, in another
+way; for to know her, and not love her, would have been a reproach to
+any man. Lively and good-humoured, with an unaffected buoyancy of
+spirits, interesting herself in all that passed around her, and
+unconscious of the interest she herself excited, no wonder that she
+seemed to us like an angel sent to cheer us in our house of bondage. Of
+her own family she was deservedly the darling; even Dick Phillips, whom
+three successive tutors had given up in despair, became the most docile
+of pupils under his sister Clara. Accustomed early to join her brothers
+in all out-door sports, she was an excellent horsewoman, a fearless
+sailor, and an untiring explorer of mountains and waterfalls, without
+losing her naturally feminine character, or becoming in any degree a
+hoiden or a romp. She sang the sweet national airs of Wales with a voice
+whose richness of tone was only second to its power of expression. She
+did everything with the air of one who, while delighting others, is
+conscious only of delighting herself; and never seeking admiration,
+received it as gracefully as it was ungrudgingly bestowed.
+
+If there is one form of taking exercise which I really hate, it is what
+people call dancing. I am passionately fond of music; but why people
+should conceive it necessary to shuffle about in all varieties of
+awkwardness, in order to enjoy it to their satisfaction, has been, is,
+and probably will ever be, beyond my comprehension. It is all very well
+for young ladies on the look-out for husbands to affect a fondness for
+dancing: in the first place, some women dance gracefully, and even
+elegantly, and show themselves off undoubtedly to advantage (if any
+exhibition on a woman's part be an advantage); then it gives an excuse
+for whispering, and squeezing of hands, and stealing flowers, and a
+thousand nameless skirmishings preparatory to what they are endeavouring
+to bring about--an engagement; but for a man to be fond of shuffling
+and twirling himself out of the dignity of step which nature gave
+him--picking his way through a quadrille, like a goose upon hot bricks,
+or gyrating like a bad tee-totum in what English fashionables are
+pleased to term a "valse," I never see a man thus occupied, without a
+fervent desire to kick him. "What a Goth!" I hear a fair reader of
+eighteen, prettily ejaculate--"thank Heaven, that all men have not such
+barbarous ideas! Why, I would go fifty miles to a good ball!" Be not
+alarmed, my dear young lady; give me but a moment to thank Providence,
+in my turn, that you are neither my sister nor my daughter, and I will
+promise you that you shall never be my wife.
+
+On the Saturday night, then, I made Gordon and Willingham both very
+cross, and caught Sydney Dawson's eye looking over his spectacles with
+supreme contempt, when I declared my decided intention of staying at
+home the night of the ball. Even the Reverend Robert Hanmer, who was
+going himself, was annoyed when Gordon told him of what he called my
+wilfulness, having a notion that it was decidedly disrespectful in any
+of us, either to go when he did _not_, or to decline going when he
+_did_.
+
+On the Tuesday morning, I sent to B---- for white kids. Gordon looked
+astonished, Hanmer was glad that I had "taken his advice," and
+Willingham laughed outright; he had overheard Clara Phillips ask me to
+dance with her. Men _are_ like green gooseberries--very green ones;
+women _do_ make fools of them, and a comparatively small proportion of
+sugar, in the shape of flattery, is sufficient.
+
+Two days before the regatta, there marched into Mrs Jenkins's open
+doorway, a bewildered-looking gentleman, shaking off the dust from his
+feet in testimony of having had a long walk, and inquiring for Hanmer.
+Gwenny, with her natural grace, trotted up-stairs before him, put her
+head in at the "drawing-room" door (she seemed always conscious that the
+less one saw of her person the better), and having announced briefly,
+but emphatically, "a gentlemans," retreated. Hanmer had puzzled himself
+and me by an attempt to explain a passage which Aristotle, of course,
+would have put in plainer language if he had known what he meant
+himself--but modern philosophers are kind enough to help him out
+occasionally--when the entrance of the gentleman in dust cut the Gordian
+knot, and saved the Stagyrite from the disgrace of having a pretty bit
+of esoteric abstruseness translated into common sense.
+
+(What a blessing would it be for Dr ----, and Professor ----, if they
+might be allowed to mystify their readers in Greek! though, to do them
+justice, they have turned the Queen's English to good account for that
+purpose, and have produced passages which first-class men, at an
+Athenian university, might possibly construe, but which the whole board
+of sophists might be defied to explain.)
+
+The _deus ex machina_--the gentleman on, or rather off the tramp--who
+arrived thus opportunely, was no less a person than the Reverend George
+Plympton, Fellow of Oriel, &c. &c. &c. He was an intimate friend of our
+worthy tutor's; if the friendship between Oxford dons can be called
+intimacy. They compared the merits of their respective college cooks
+three or four times a term, and contended for the superior vintage of
+the common-room port. They played whist together; walked arm-in-arm
+round Christ Church meadow; and knew the names of all the old incumbents
+in each other's college-list, and the value of the respective livings.
+Mr Plympton and a friend had been making a walking tour of North Wales;
+that is, they walked about five miles, stared at a mountain, or a fall,
+or an old castle, as per guide-book, and then coached it to the next
+point, when the said book set down that "the Black Dog was an excellent
+inn," or that "travellers would find every accommodation at Mrs
+Price's of the Wynnstay Arms." Knowing that Hanmer was to be found at
+Glyndewi, Mr Plympton left his friend at B----, where the salmon was
+unexceptionable, and had completed the most arduous day's walk in his
+journal, nearly thirteen miles, in a state of dust and heat far from
+agreeable to a stoutish gentleman of forty, who usually looked as spruce
+as if he came out of a band-box. Hanmer and he seemed really glad to see
+each other. On those "oxless" shores, where, as Byron says, "beef was
+rare," though
+
+     "Goat's flesh there was, no doubt, and kid, and mutton,"
+
+the tender reminiscences of far-off Gaude days and Bursary dinners,
+that must have arisen in the hearts of each, were enough to make their
+meeting almost an affecting one. Hanmer must have blushed, I think,
+though far from his wont, when he asked Mr Plympton if he could feed
+with us at four upon--hashed mutton! (We consumed nearly a sheep per
+week, and exhausted our stock of culinary ideas, as well as our
+landlady's patience, in trying to vary the forms in which it was to
+appear; not having taken the precaution, as some Cambridge men did at
+B---- one vacation, to bespeak a French cook at a rather higher salary
+than the mathematical tutor's.)[A] Probably, however, Mr Plympton's
+unusual walk made him more anxious about the quantity than the quality
+of his diet, for he not only attacked the mutton like an Etonian, but
+announced his intention of staying with us over the ball, if a bed was
+to be had, and sending to B---- for his decorations. He was introduced
+in due form to the Phillipses the next day, and in the number and
+elegance of his bows, almost eclipsed Mr Sydney Dawson, whom Clara never
+ceased to recommend to her brothers as an example of politeness.
+
+[Footnote A: Fact.]
+
+Bright dawned the morning of the 20th of August, the first of the "three
+glorious days" of Glyndewi. As people came to these races really for
+amusement, the breakfast was fixed for the very unfashionable hour of
+ten, in order not to interfere with the main business of the day--the
+regatta. Before half-past, the tables at the Mynysnewydd Arms were
+filled with what the _----shire Herald_ termed "a galaxy of beauty and
+fashion." But every one seemed well aware that there were far more
+substantial attractions present, meant to fill not the tables only, but
+the guests. The breakfast was by no means a matter of form. People had
+evidently come with more serious intentions than merely to display new
+bonnets, and trifle with grapes and peaches. Sea-air gives a whet to
+even a lady's appetite, and if the performances that morning were any
+criterion of the effects of that of Glyndewi, the new Poor Law
+Commissioners, in forming their scale of allowances, must really have
+reported it a "special case." The fair Cambrians, in short, played
+very respectable knives and forks--made no bones--or rather nothing
+but bones--of the chickens, and ate kippered salmon like Catholics.
+You caught a bright eye gazing in your direction with evident
+interest--"Would you have the kindness to cut that pasty before you
+for a lady?" You almost overheard a tender whisper from the gentleman
+opposite to the pretty girl beside him. She blushes and gently
+remonstrates. Again his lip almost touches her cheek in earnest
+persuasion--yes! she is consenting--to another _little_ slice of
+ham! As for the jolly Welsh squires themselves, and their strapping
+heirs-apparent (you remember that six-foot-four man surely, number
+six of the Jesus boat)--now that the ladies have really done, and
+the waiters have brought in the relays of brandered chickens and
+fresh-caught salmon, which mine host, who has had some experience of his
+customers, has most liberally provided--they set to work in earnest.
+They have been only politely trifling hitherto with the wing of a fowl
+or so, to keep the ladies company. But now, as old Captain Phillips, at
+the head of the table, cuts a slice and a joke alternately, and the
+Tiger at the bottom begins to let out his carnivorous propensities, one
+gets to have an idea what breakfast means. "Let me advise you, my dear
+Mr Dawson--as a friend--you'll excuse an old stager--if you have no
+particular wish to starve yourself--you've had nothing yet but two cups
+of tea--to help yourself, and let your neighbours do the same. You may
+keep on cutting Vauxhall shavings for those three young Lloyds till
+Michaelmas; pass the ham down to them, and hand me those devilled
+kidneys."
+
+"Tea? no; thank you; I took a cup yesterday, and haven't been myself
+since. Waiter! don't you see this tankard's empty?"
+
+"Consume you, Dick Phillips! I left two birds in that pie five minutes
+back, and you've cleared it out!"
+
+"Diawl, John Jones, I was a fool to look into a tankard after you!"
+
+Everything has an end, and so the breakfast had at last; and we followed
+the ladies to the terrace to watch the sailing for the ladies' challenge
+cup. By the help of a glass we could see three yachts, with about half a
+mile between each, endeavouring to get round a small boat with a man and
+a flag in it, which, as the wind was about the worst they could have had
+for the purpose, seemed no easy matter. There was no great interest in
+straining one's eyes after them, so I found out the Phillipses, and
+having told Dawson, who was escorting Clara, that Hanmer was looking for
+him to make out the list of "the eleven," I was very sorry indeed when
+the sound of a gun announced that the Hon. H. Chouser's Firefly had won
+the cup, and that the other two yachts might be expected in the course
+of half an hour. Nobody waited for them, of course. The herring-boats,
+after a considerable deal of what I concluded from the emphasis to be
+swearing in Welsh, in which, however, Captain Phillips, who was umpire,
+seemed to have decidedly the advantage in variety of terms and power of
+voice, were pronounced "ready," and started by gun-fire accordingly. A
+rare start they made of it. The great ambition of every man among them
+seemed to be to prevent the boats next in the line from starting at all.
+It was a general fouling-match, and the jabbering was terrific. At last,
+the two outside boats, having the advantage of a clear berth on one
+side, got away, and made a pretty race of it, followed by such of the
+rest as could by degrees extricate themselves from the melee.
+
+But now was to come our turn. Laden with all manner of good wishes, we
+hoisted a bit of dark-blue silk for the honour of Oxford, and spurted
+under the terrace to our starting-place. The only boat entered against
+us was the Dolphin, containing three stout gentlemen and a thin one,
+members of the B---- Cutter Club, who evidently looked upon pulling as
+no joke. Branling gave us a steady stroke, and Cotton of Baliol steered
+us admirably; the rest did as well as they could. The old boys had a
+very pretty boat--ours was a tub--but we beat them. They gave us a
+stern-chase for the first hundred yards, for I cut a crab at starting;
+but we had plenty of pluck, and came in winners by a length. Of course
+we were the favourites--the "Dolphins" were all but one married--and
+hearty were the congratulations with which we were greeted on landing.
+Clara Phillips's eyes had a most dangerous light in them, as she shook
+hands with our noble captain, who was in a terrible hurry, however, to
+get away, and hunting everywhere for "that d----d Dawson," who had
+promised to have Bill Thomas in readiness with "the lush." So I was
+compelled to stay with her and give an account of the race, which she
+perfectly understood, and be soundly scolded by the prettiest lips in
+the world for my awkwardness, which she declared she never could have
+forgiven if it had lost the race.
+
+"You will come to the ball, then, Mr Hawthorne?"
+
+"Am I not to dance with you?"
+
+"Yes, if you behave well, and don't tease Mr Sydney Dawson: he is a
+great favourite of mine, and took great care of me this morning at
+breakfast."
+
+"Well, then, for your sake, Miss Phillips, I will be particularly civil
+to him; but I assure you, Dawson is like the fox that took a pride in
+being hunted; he considers our persecution of him as the strongest
+evidence of his own superiority; and if you seriously undertake to
+patronise him, he will become positively unbearable."
+
+The regatta over, we retired to make a hurried dinner, and to dress
+for the ball. This, with some of our party, was a serious business.
+Willingham and Dawson were going in fancy dresses. The former was an
+admirable personification of Dick Turpin, standing upwards of six feet,
+and broadly built; and becoming his picturesque costume as if it were
+his everyday suit, he strutted before Mrs Jenkins's best glass, which
+Hanmer charitably gave up for his accommodation, with a pardonable
+vanity. Dawson had got a lancer's uniform from his London tailor; but
+how to get into it was a puzzle; it was delightful to see his attempts
+to unravel the gorgeous mysteries which were occupying every available
+spot in his dingy bedroom. The shako was the main stumbling-block.
+Being unfortunately rather small, it was no easy matter to keep it on
+his head at all; and how to dispose of the cap-lines was beyond our
+united wisdom. "Go without it, man," said Branling: "people don't want
+hats in a ball-room. You can never dance with that thing on your head."
+
+"Oh, but the head-dress is always worn at a fancy-ball, you know, and I
+can take it off if I like to dance."
+
+At last the idea struck us of employing the five or six yards of
+gold cord that had so puzzled us, in securing shako and plume in a
+perpendicular position. This at length accomplished, by dint of keeping
+himself scrupulously upright, Mr Sydney Dawson majestically walked down
+stairs.
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+Now, there happened to be at that time residing in Glyndewi an old lady,
+"of the name and cousinage" of Phillips, who, though an old maid, was
+one of those unhappily rare individuals who do not think it necessary to
+rail against those amusements which they are no longer in a situation to
+enjoy. She was neither as young, nor as rich, nor as light-hearted, as
+she had been; but it was difficult to imagine that she could ever have
+been more truly cheerful and happy than she seemed now. So, instead
+of cutting short every sally of youthful spirits, and every dream of
+youthful happiness, by sagacious hints of cares and troubles to come,
+she rather lent her aid to further every innocent enjoyment among her
+younger friends; feeling, as she said, that the only pity was that young
+hearts grew old so soon. The consequence was, that, instead of exacting
+a forced deference from her many nephews and nieces (so are first
+cousins' children called in Wales), she was really loved and esteemed
+by them all; and while she never wished to deprive them of an hour's
+enjoyment, they would willingly give up a pleasant party at any time to
+spend an evening with the old lady, and enliven her solitude with the
+sounds she best loved--the music of youthful voices.
+
+All among her acquaintance, therefore, who were going to the ball in
+fancy costume, had promised to call upon her, whether in or out of their
+way, to "show themselves," willing to make her a partaker, as far as
+they could, of the amusement of the evening. Captain Phillips had asked
+us if we would oblige him, and gratify a kind old woman, by allowing him
+to introduce us in our fancy dresses. I had none, and therefore did not
+form part of the exhibition; but Dick Turpin and the cornet of lancers,
+with Branling in a full hunting-costume (which always formed part of
+his travelling baggage), walked some fifty yards to the old lady's
+lodgings. Mr Plympton, always polite, accepted Captain Phillips's
+invitation to be introduced at the same time. Now Mr Plympton, as was
+before recorded, was a remarkably dapper personage; wore hair-powder, a
+formidably tall and stiff white "choker," and upon all occasions of
+ceremony, black shorts and silks, with gold buckles. Remarkably upright
+and somewhat pompous in his gait, and abominating the free-and-easy
+manners of the modern school, his bow would have graced the court of
+Versailles, and his step was a subdued minuet. Equipped with somewhat
+more than his wonted care, the rev. junior bursar of Oriel was
+introduced into Mrs Phillips's little drawing-room, accompanying, and
+strongly contrasting with, three gentlemen in scarlet and gold.
+Hurriedly did the good old lady seize her spectacles, and rising to
+receive her guests with a delighted curtsy, scan curiously for a
+few moments Turpin's athletic proportions, and the fox-hunter's
+close-fitting leathers and tops. As for Dawson, he stood like the
+clear-complexioned and magnificently-whiskered officer, who silently
+invites the stranger to enter the doors of Madame Tussaud's wax
+exhibition; not daring to bow for fear of losing his beloved shako, but
+turning his head from side to side as slowly, and far less naturally,
+than the waxen gentleman aforementioned. All, in their several ways,
+were worthy of admiration, and all did she seem to admire; but it
+was when her eye rested at last on the less showy, but equally
+characteristic figure in black, who stood bowing his acknowledgments of
+the honour of the interview, with an _empressement_ which fully made up
+for Dawson's forced _hauteur_--that her whole countenance glistened with
+intense appreciation of the joke, and the very spectacles danced with
+glee. Again did she make the stranger her most gracious curtsy; again
+did Mr Plympton, as strongly as a bow could do it, declare how entirely
+he was at her service: he essayed to speak, but before a word escaped
+his lips, the old lady fairly burst out into a hearty laugh, clapped her
+hands, and shouted to his astonished ears, "Capital, capital! do it
+again! oh, do it again!" For a moment the consternation depicted upon Mr
+Plympton's countenance at this remarkable reception, extended to the
+whole of his companions; but the extraordinary sounds which proceeded
+from Captain Phillips, in the vain attempt to stifle the laugh that
+was nearly choking him, were too much for the gravity of even the
+polite Mr Dawson; and it was amidst the violent application of
+pocket-handkerchiefs in all possible ways, that the captain stepped
+forward with the somewhat tardy announcement, "My dear aunt, allow me to
+present the Rev. Mr Plympton, Fellow and Tutor of Oriel College." This
+was accompanied by a wink and an attempt at a frown, intended to convey
+the strongest reprobation of the old lady's proceedings; but which, upon
+the features of the good captain, whose risible muscles were still
+rebellious, had anything but a serious effect. "Indeed!" said she,
+curtsying yet more profoundly in return for another bow. "How do you do,
+sir? Oh, he is beautiful, isn't he?" half-aside to Willingham, who was
+swallowing as much as he could of the butt of his whip. Poor Mr Plympton
+looked aghast at the compliment. Branling fairly turned his back, and
+burst from the room, nearly upsetting Hanmer and myself; who, having
+waited below some time for our party to join us, had made our way
+up-stairs to ascertain the cause of the unusual noises which reached us
+from the open door of the drawing-room. Dawson was shaking with reckless
+disregard of the safety of his head-dress, and the captain in an agony
+between his natural relish for a joke and his real good-breeding. "Aunt
+Martha, this is a clergyman, a friend of Mr Hanmer's, who is on a visit
+here, and whom I introduce to you, because I know you will like him." Mr
+Plympton commenced a fresh series of bows, in which there was, perhaps,
+less gallantry and more dignity than usual, looking all the time as
+comfortable as a gentleman might do who was debating with himself
+whether the probabilities, as regarded the old lady's next movements,
+lay on the side of kissing or scratching. Mrs Martha Phillips herself
+commenced an incoherent apology about "expecting to see four young
+gentlemen in fancy dresses;" and Hanmer and the captain tried all they
+could to laugh off a _contretemps_, which to explain was impossible.
+What the old lady took Mr Plympton for, and what Mr Plympton thought of
+her, were questions which, so far as I know, no one ventured to ask. He
+left Glyndewi the next morning; but the joke, after furnishing us with a
+never-failing fund of ludicrous reminiscence for the rest of our stay,
+followed him to the Oriel common-room, and was an era in the dulness of
+that respectable symposium.
+
+Dancing had begun in good earnest when we arrived at the ball-room.
+There was the usual motley assemblage of costumes of all nations under
+the sun, and some which the sun, when he put down the impudence of the
+wax-lights upon his return the next morning, must have marvelled to
+behold. Childish as it may be called, a fancy-ball is certainly, for the
+first half-hour at all events, an amusing scene. Willingham and myself
+stood a little inside the doorway for some moments, he enjoying the
+admiring glances which his fine figure and picturesque costume were well
+calculated to call forth, and I vainly endeavouring to make out Clara's
+figure amidst the gay dresses and well-grown proportions of the pretty
+Cambrians who flitted past. Sounds of expostulation and entreaty,
+mingled with a laugh which we knew to be Branling's, in the passage
+outside, disturbed both our meditations, and at last induced me to turn
+my eyes unwillingly to the open door. Branling was leaning against it
+in a fit of uncontrollable mirth, and beckoned us earnestly to join him.
+Outside stood Dawson, stamping with vexation, and endeavouring to undo
+the complex machinery which had hitherto secured his shako in an
+erect position. He was in the unfortunate predicament of Dr S----'s
+candelabrum, which, presented to him as a testimony of respect from his
+grateful pupils, was found by many feet too large to be introduced into
+any room in the Dr's comparatively humble habitation, and stood for some
+time in the manufacturer's show-room in testimony of the fact, that
+public acknowledgments of merit are _sometimes_ made on too large a
+scale. Architects who give measurements for ordinary doorways, do not
+contemplate such emergencies as testimonial candelabrums or irremovable
+caps and plumes; and the door of the Glyndewi ball-room had no notion of
+accommodating a lancer in full dress, who could not even be civil enough
+to take off his hat. So there stood our friend, impatient to display his
+uniform, and unwilling to lessen the effect of his first appearance by
+doffing so important a part of his costume: to get through the door,
+in the rigid inflexibility of head and neck which he had hitherto
+maintained, was a manifest impossibility. Branling had suggested his
+staying outside, and he would undertake to bring people to look at him;
+but Dawson, for some unaccountable reason, was usually suspicious of
+advice from that quarter; so he "stooped to conquer," and lost all. The
+shako tumbled from its precarious perch, and hung ignobly suspended by
+the cap-lines. A lancer with a pair of grey spectacles, and a shako
+hanging round his neck, would have been a very fancy dress indeed: so he
+was endeavouring, at the risk of choking himself, to disentangle, by
+main force, the complication of knots which we had woven with some dim
+hope of the result. In vain did we exhort him to take it patiently, and
+remind him how preposterous it was to expect, that what had taken our
+united ingenuity half an hour to arrange "to please him," could be
+undone in a minute. "Cut the cursed things, can't you?" implored he.
+No one had a knife. "I do believe, Branling, you are tying that knot
+tighter: I had much rather not have your assistance." Branling protested
+his innocence. At last we did release him, and he entered the room with
+a look most appropriately crest-fallen, shako in hand, solacing himself
+by displaying its glories as well as could be effected by judicious
+changes of its position.
+
+I soon found Clara, looking more radiantly beautiful than ever I had
+seen her, in a sweet dress of Stuart tartan. I had to make my apologies,
+which were most sincerely penitent ones, for not being in time to claim
+my privilege of dancing the first quadrille with her. She smiled at my
+evident earnestness, and good-humouredly added, that the next would be
+a much more pleasant dance, as the room was now beginning to fill. It
+was a pleasant dance, as she said; and the waltz that followed still
+more delightful; and then Clara, with a blush and a laugh, declined my
+pressing entreaties until after supper at all events. I refused her
+good-natured offer of an introduction to "that pretty girl in blue," or
+any other among the stars of the night; and sat down, or leant against
+the wall, almost unconsciously watching her light step, and sternly
+resisting all attempts on the part of my acquaintances to persuade me to
+dance again. Of course, all the dancing characters among our party were
+Clara's partners in succession; and both Gordon and Dawson, who came to
+ask what had put me into the sulks, were loud in their encomiums on her
+beauty and fascination; even Branling, no very devoted admirer of the
+sex (he saw too much of them, he said, having four presentable sisters),
+allowed that she was "the right sort of girl;" but it was not until I
+saw her stand up with Willingham, and marked his evident admiration of
+her, and heard the remarks freely made around me, that they were the
+handsomest couple in the room, that I felt a twinge of what I would
+hardly allow to myself was jealousy: when, however, after the dance,
+they passed me in laughing conversation, evidently in high good-humour
+with each other, and too much occupied to notice any one else, I
+began to wonder I had never before found out what a conceited puppy
+Willingham was, and set down poor Clara as an arrant flirt. But I was in
+a variable mood, it seemed, and a feather--or, what some may say is even
+lighter, a woman's word--was enough to turn me. So when I found myself,
+by some irresistible attraction, drawn next to her again at supper, and
+heard her sweet voice, and saw what I interpreted into a smile of
+welcome, as she made room for me beside her, I forgave her all past
+offences, and was perfectly happy for the next hour; nay, even
+condescended to challenge Willingham to a glass of _soi-disant_
+champagne. The Tiger, who was, according to annual custom, displaying
+the tarnished uniform of the 3d Madras N.I., and illustrating his
+tremendous stories of the siege of Overabad, or some such place, by
+attacks on all the edibles in his neighbourhood, gave me a look of
+intelligence as he requested I would "do him the honour," and shook his
+whiskers with some meaning which I did not think it necessary to inquire
+into. What was it to him if I chose to confine my attentions to my
+undoubtedly pretty neighbour? No one could dispute my taste, at all
+events; for Clara Phillips was a universal favourite, though I had
+remarked that none of the numerous "eligible young men" in the room
+appeared about her in the character of a dangler. She was engaged to
+Willingham for the waltz next after supper, and I felt queerish again,
+till she willingly agreed to dance the next set with me, on condition
+that I would oblige her so far as to ask a friend of hers to be my
+partner in the mean time. "She is a very nice girl, Mr Hawthorne,
+though, perhaps, not one of the _belles_ of the room, and has danced but
+twice this evening, and it will be so kind in you to ask her--only don't
+do it upon my introduction, but let Major Jones introduce you as if at
+your own request." Let no one say that vanity, jealousy, and all those
+petty arts by which woman wrongs her better nature, are the rank growth
+necessarily engendered by the vitiated air of a ball-room; rooted on the
+same soil, warmed by the same sunshine, fed by the same shower, one
+plant shall bear the antidote and one the poison: one kind and gentle
+nature shall find exercise for all its sweetest qualities in those very
+scenes which, in another, shall foster nothing but heartless coquetry or
+unfeminine display. Never did Clara seem so lovely in mind and person as
+when she drew upon her own attractions to give pleasure to her less
+gifted friend; and, I suppose, I must have thrown into the tone of my
+reply something of what I felt; for she blushed, uttered a hasty "I
+thank you," and told Willingham it was time to take their places. I
+sought and obtained the introduction, and endeavoured, for Clara's sake,
+to be an agreeable partner to the quiet little girl beside me. One
+subject of conversation, at all events, we hit upon, where we seemed
+both at home; and if I felt some hesitation in saying all I thought of
+Clara, my companion had none, but told me how much everybody loved her,
+and how much she deserved to be loved. It was really so much easier to
+draw my fair partner out on this point than any other, that I excused
+myself for being so eager a listener; and, when we parted, to show
+my gratitude in what I conceived the most agreeable way, I begged
+permission to introduce Mr Sydney Dawson, and thus provided her with
+what, I dare say, she considered a most enviable partner. I had told
+Dawson she was a very clever girl (he was fond of what he called
+"talented women," and had a delusive notion that he was himself a
+genius): he had the impertinence to tell me afterwards he found her
+rather stupid; I ought, perhaps, to have given him the key-note. During
+the dance which followed, I remember I was silent and _distrait_; and
+when it was over, and Clara told me she was positively engaged for more
+sets than she should dance again, I left the ball-room, and wandered
+feverishly along the quay to our lodgings. I remember persuading myself,
+by a syllogistic process, that I was not in love, and dreaming that I
+was anxiously reading the class-list, in which it seemed unaccountable
+that my name should be omitted, till I discovered, on a second perusal,
+that just about the centre of the first class, where "Hawthorne,
+Franciscus, e. Coll----" ought to have come in, stood in large type the
+name of "CLARA PHILLIPS."
+
+The races, which occupied the morning of the next day, were as stupid
+as country races usually are, except that the Welshmen had rather more
+noise about it. The guttural shouts and yells from the throats of
+tenants and other dependants, as the "mishtua's" horse won or lost, and
+the extraordinary terms in which they endeavoured to encourage the
+riders, were amusing even to a stranger, though one lost the point of
+the various sallies which kept the course in one continued roar. As to
+the running, everybody--that is, all the sporting world--knew perfectly
+well, long before the horses started, which was to win; that appearing
+to be the result of some private arrangement between the parties
+interested, while the "racing" was for the benefit of the strangers and
+the ladies. Those of the latter who had fathers, or brothers, or, above
+all, lovers, among the knowing ones, won divers pairs of gloves on the
+occasion, while those who were not so fortunate, lost them.
+
+I fancied that Clara was not in her usual spirits on the race-course,
+and she pleaded a headache as an excuse to her sister for ordering the
+carriage to drive home long before the "sport" was over. If I had
+thought the said sport stupid before, it did not improve in attraction
+after her departure; and, when the jumping in sacks, and climbing up
+poles, and other calisthenic exercises began, feeling a growing disgust
+for "things in general," I resisted the invitation of a mamma and three
+daughters, to join themselves and Mr Dawson in masticating some
+sandwiches which looked very much like "relics of joy" from last night's
+supper, and sauntered home, and sat an hour over a cigar and a chapter
+of ethics. As the clock struck five, remembering that the Ordinary hour
+was six, I called at the Phillips' lodgings to inquire for Clara. She
+was out walking with her sister; so I returned to dress in a placid
+frame of mind, confident that I should meet her at dinner.
+
+For it was an Ordinary for ladies as well as gentlemen. A jovial Welsh
+baronet sat at the head of the table, with the two ladies of highest
+"consideration"--the county member's wife and the would-have-been
+member's daughter--on his right and left; nobody thought of politics at
+the Glyndewi regatta. Clara was there; but she was escorted into the
+room by some odious man, who, in virtue of having been made high-sheriff
+by mistake, sat next Miss Anti-reform on the chairman's left. The
+natives were civil enough to marshal us pretty high up by right of
+strangership, but still I was barely near enough to drink wine with her.
+
+If a man wants a good dinner, a hearty laugh, an opportunity of singing
+songs and speech-making, and can put up with indifferent wine, let him
+go to the race Ordinary at Glyndewi next year, if it still be among the
+things which time has spared. There was nothing like stiffness or
+formality: people came there for amusement, and they knew that the only
+way to get it was to make it for themselves. There seemed to be fun
+enough for half-a-dozen of the common run of such dinners, even while
+the ladies remained. It was, as Hanmer called it, an _extra_-ordinary.
+But it was when the ladies had retired, and Hanmer and a few of the
+"steady ones" had followed them, and those who remained closed up around
+the chairman, and cigars and genuine whisky began to supersede the
+questionable port and sherry, and the "Vice" requested permission to
+call on a gentleman for a song, that we began to fancy ourselves within
+the walls of some hitherto unknown college, where the "levelling system"
+had mixed up fellows and undergraduates in one common supper-party, and
+the portly principal himself rejoiced in the office of "_arbiter
+bibendi_." Shall I confess it? I forgot even Clara in the uproarious
+mirth that followed. Two of the young Phillipses were admirable singers,
+and drew forth the hearty applause of the whole company. We got Dawson
+to make a speech, in which he waxed poetical touching the "flowers of
+Cambria," and drew down thunders of applause by a Latin quotation, which
+every one took that means of showing that they understood. I obtained
+almost unconsciously an immortal reputation by a species of flattery
+to which the Welsh are most open. I had learnt, after no little
+application, a Welsh toast--a happy specimen of the language; it was but
+three words, but they were truly cabalistic. No sooner had I, after a
+"neat and appropriate" preface, uttered my triple Shibboleth (it ended
+in _rag_, and signified "Wales, Welshmen, and Welshwomen"), than the
+whole party rose, and cheered at me till I felt positively modest. My
+pronunciation, I believe, was perfect, (a woman's lips and an angel's
+voice had taught it to me): and it was indeed the Open Sesame to their
+hearts and feelings. I became at once the intimate friend of all who
+could get near enough to offer me their houses, their horses, their
+dogs--I have no doubt, had I given a hint at the moment, I might have
+had any one of their daughters. "Would I come and pay a visit at
+Abergwrnant before I left the neighbourhood? Only twenty-five miles,
+and a coach from B----!" "Would I, before the shooting began, come to
+Craig-y-bwldrwn, and stay over the first fortnight in September?" I
+could have quartered myself, and two or three friends, in a dozen places
+for a month at a time. And, let me do justice to the warm hospitality of
+North Wales--these invitations were renewed in the morning: and were I
+ever to visit those shores again, I should have no fear of their having
+been yet forgotten.
+
+Captain Phillips had told us that, when we left the table, "the girls"
+would have some coffee for us, if not too late; and Willingham and
+myself, having taken a turn or two in the moonlight to get rid of the
+excitement of the evening, bent our steps in that direction. There were
+about as many persons assembled as the little drawing-room would hold,
+and Clara, having forgotten her headache, and looking as lovely as ever,
+was seated at a wretched piano, endeavouring to accompany herself in
+her favourite songs. Willingham and myself stood by, and our repeated
+requests for some of those melodies which, unknown to us before, we had
+learnt from her singing to admire beyond all the fashionable trash of
+the day, were gratified with untiring good-nature. Somehow I thought
+that she avoided my eye, and answered my remarks with less than her
+usual archness and vivacity. I could bear it on this evening less than
+ever; a hair will turn the scale; and I had just been, half ludicrously,
+half seriously, affected by Welsh nationality. One cannot help warming
+towards a community which are so warm-hearted among themselves. Visions
+of I know not what--love and a living, Clara and a cottage--were
+floating dreamlike before my eyes; and I felt as if borne along by a
+current whose direction might be dangerous, but which it was misery to
+resist. Willingham had turned away a minute to hunt for some missing
+book, which contained one of his favourites; and, leaning over her with
+my finger pointing to the words which she had just been singing, I said
+something about there being always a fear in happiness such as I had
+lately been enjoying, lest it might not last. For a moment she met my
+earnest look, and coloured violently; and then fixing her eyes on the
+music before her, she said quickly, "Mr Hawthorne, I thought you had a
+higher opinion of me than to make me pretty speeches; I have a great
+dislike to them." I began to protest warmly against any intention of
+mere compliment, when the return of Willingham with his song prevented
+any renewal of the subject. I was annoyed and silent, and detected a
+tremor in her voice while she sang the words, and saw her cheek paler
+than usual. The instant the song was over, she complained with a smile
+of being tired, and, without a look at either of us, joined a party who
+were noisily recounting the events of the race-course. Nor could I again
+that evening obtain a moment's conversation with her. She spoke to me,
+indeed, and very kindly; but once only did I catch her eye, when I was
+speaking to some one else--the glance was rapidly withdrawn, but it
+seemed rather sorrowful than cold.
+
+I was busy with Hanmer the next morning before breakfast, when Dick
+Phillips made his appearance, and informed us that the "strangers" had
+made up an eleven for the cricket match, and that we were to play at
+ten. He was a sort of live circular, despatched to get all parties in
+readiness.
+
+"Oh! I have something for you from Clara," said he to me, as he was
+leaving; "the words of a song she promised you, I believe."
+
+I opened the sealed envelope, saw that it was _not_ a song, and left
+Hanmer somewhat abruptly. When I was alone, I read the following:--
+
+     "DEAR MR HAWTHORNE,--Possibly you may have been told that I
+     have, before now, done things which people call strange--that
+     is, contrary to some arbitrary notions which are to supersede
+     our natural sense of right and wrong. But never, until now, did
+     I follow the dictates of my own feelings in opposition to
+     conventional rules, with the painful uncertainty as to the
+     propriety of such a course, which I now feel. And if I had less
+     confidence than I have in your honour and your kindness, or
+     less esteem for your character, or less anxiety for your
+     happiness, I would not write to you now. But I feel that, if
+     you are what I wish to believe you, it is right that you should
+     be at once undeceived as to my position. Others should have
+     done it, perhaps--it would have spared me much. Whether your
+     attentions to me are in sport or earnest, they must cease. I
+     have no right to listen to such words as yours last night--my
+     heart and hand are engaged to one who deserves better from
+     me than the levity which alone could have placed me in the
+     position from which I thus painfully extricate myself. For any
+     fault on my part, I thus make bitter atonement. I wish you
+     health and happiness, and now let this save us both from
+     further misunderstanding.
+
+                         "C."
+
+Again and again did I read these words. Not one woman in a hundred
+would have ventured on such a step. And for what? to save me from the
+mortification of a rejection? It could be nothing else. How easy for
+a man of heartless gallantry to have written a cool note in reply,
+disclaiming "any aspiration after the honour implied," and placing the
+warm-hearted writer in the predicament of having declined attentions
+never meant to be serious! But I felt how kindly, how gently, I had been
+treated--the worst of it was, I loved her better than ever. I wrote
+some incoherent words in reply, sufficiently expressive of my bitter
+disappointment, and my admiration of her conduct; and then I felt
+"that my occupation was gone." She whom I had so loved to look upon, I
+trembled now to see. I had no mind to break my heart; but I felt that
+time and change were necessary to prevent it. Above all, Glyndewi was no
+place for me to forget _her_ in.
+
+In the midst of my painful reflections on all the happy hours of the
+past week, Gordon and Willingham broke in upon me with high matter for
+consultation relative to the match. In vain did I plead sudden illness,
+and inability to play: they declared it would knock the whole thing on
+the head, for Hanmer would be sure to turn sulky, and there was an end
+of the eleven; and they looked so really chagrined at my continued
+refusals, that at length I conquered my selfishness (I had had a lesson
+in that), and, though really feeling indisposed for any exertion, went
+down with them to the ground. I was in momentary dread of seeing Clara
+arrive (for all the world was to be there), and felt nervous and
+low-spirited. The strangers' eleven was a better one than we expected,
+and they put our men out pretty fast. Hanmer got most unfortunately run
+out after a splendid hit, and begged me to go in and "do something," I
+took my place mechanically, and lost my wicket to the first ball. We
+made a wretched score, and the strangers went in exultingly. In spite of
+Hanmer's steady bowling, they got runs pretty fast; and an easy catch
+came into my hands just as Clara appeared on the ground, and I lost all
+consciousness of what I was about. Again the same opportunity offered,
+and again my eyes were wandering among the tents. Hanmer got annoyed,
+and said something not over civil: I was vexed myself that my
+carelessness should be the cause of disappointment twice, and yet more
+than half-inclined to quarrel with Branling, whom I overheard muttering
+about my "cursed awkwardness." We were left in a fearful minority at
+the close of the first innings, when we retired to dinner. The Glyndewi
+party and their friends were evidently disappointed. I tried to avoid
+Clara; but could not keep far from her. At last she came up with one of
+her brothers, spoke and shook hands with me, said that her brother had
+told her I was not well, and that she feared I ought not to have played
+at all. "I wish you could have beat them, Mr Hawthorne--I had bet that
+you would; perhaps you will feel better after dinner; those kind of
+headaches soon wear off," she added with a smile and a kind look, which
+I understood as she meant it. I walked into the tent where we were to
+dine: I sat next a little man on the opposite side, an Englishman, one
+of their best players, as active as a monkey, who had caught out three
+of our men in succession. He talked big about his play, criticised
+Willingham's batting, which was really pretty, and ended by discussing
+Clara Phillips, who was, he said, "a demned fine girl, but too much of
+her." I disliked his flippancy before, but now my disgust to him was
+supreme. I asked the odds against us, and took them freely. There was
+champagne before me, and I drank it in tumblers. I did what even in my
+undergraduate days was rarely my habit--I drank till I was considerably
+excited. Hanmer saw it, and got the match resumed at once to save me, as
+he afterwards said, "from making a fool of myself." I insisted, in
+spite of his advice, "to cool myself," upon going in first. My flippant
+acquaintance of the dinner-table stood _point_, and I knew, if I could
+but see the ball, and not see more than one, that I could occasionally
+"hit square" to some purpose. I had the luck to catch the first ball
+just on the rise, and it cut my friend _point_ off his legs as if he had
+been shot. He limped off the ground, and we were troubled with him no
+more. I hit as I never did before, or shall again. At first I played
+wild, but as I got cool, and my sight became steady, I felt quite at
+home. The bowlers got tired, and Dick Phillips, who had no science, but
+the strength of a unicorn, was in with me half-an-hour, slashing in all
+directions. In short, the tide turned, and the match ended in our
+favour.
+
+I was quite sober, and free from all excitement, when I joined Clara,
+for the last time, after the game was over. "I am so glad you played so
+well," said she; "if you are but as successful at Oxford as you have
+been at the boat-race and the cricket, you will have no reason to be
+disappointed: your career here has been one course of victory." "Not
+altogether, Miss Phillips: the prize I shall leave behind me when I
+quit Glyndewi to-morrow, is worth more than all that I can gain." "Mr
+Hawthorne," said she kindly, "one victory is in your own power, and you
+will soon gain it, and be happy--the victory over yourself."
+
+I made some excuse to Hanmer about letters from home, to account for my
+sudden departure. How the party got on after I left them, and what was
+the final result of our "reading," is no part of my tale; but I fear the
+reader will search the class-lists of 18-- in vain for the names of Mr
+Hanmer's pupils.
+
+
+
+
+ FATHER TOM AND THE POPE;
+ OR, A NIGHT AT THE VATICAN.
+
+     _As related by Mr Michael Heffernan, Master of the National
+     School at Tallymactaggart, in the County of Leitrim, to a
+     friend, during his official visit to Dublin, for the purpose of
+     studying Political Economy, in the Spring of 1838._
+
+[_MAGA._ MAY 1838.]
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+HOW FATHER TOM WENT TO TAKE POT-LUCK AT THE VATICAN.
+
+When his Riv'rence was in Room, ov coorse the Pope axed him to take
+pot-look wid him. More be token, it was on a Friday; but, for all that,
+there was plenty of mate; for the Pope gev himself an absolution from
+the fast on account ov the great company that was in it--at laste so I'm
+tould. Howandiver, there's no fast on the dhrink, anyhow--glory be to
+God!--and so, as they wor sitting, afther dinner, taking their sup
+together, says the Pope, says he, "Thomaus"--for the Pope, you know,
+spakes that away, all as one as one ov uz--"Thomaus _a lanna_," says he,
+"I'm tould you welt them English heretics out ov the face."
+
+"You may say that," says his Riv'rence to him again. "Be my sowl," says
+he, "if I put your Holiness undher the table, you won't be the first
+Pope I floored."
+
+Well, his Holiness laughed like to split; for, you know, Pope was
+the great Prodesan that Father Tom put down upon Purgathory; and ov
+coorse they knewn all the ins and outs of the conthravarsy at Room.
+"Faix, Thomaus," says he, smiling across the table at him mighty
+agreeable--"it's no lie what they tell me, that yourself is the pleasant
+man over the dhrop ov good liquor."
+
+"Would you like to thry?" says his Riv'rence.
+
+"Sure, and amn't I thrying all I can?" says the Pope. "Sorra betther
+bottle ov wine's betuxt this and Salamancha, nor's there fornenst you on
+the table; it's raal Lachrymalchrystal, every spudh ov it."
+
+"It's mortial could," says Father Tom.
+
+"Well, man alive," says the Pope, "sure and here's the best ov good
+claret in the cut decanther."
+
+"Not maning to make little ov the claret, your Holiness," says his
+Riv'rence, "I would prefir some hot wather and sugar, wid a glass ov
+spirits through it, if convanient."
+
+"Hand me over the bottle of brandy," says the Pope to his head butler,
+"and fetch up the materi'ls," says he.
+
+"Ah, then, your Holiness," says his Riv'rence, mighty eager, "maybe
+you'd have a dhrop ov the native in your cellar? Sure it's all one
+throuble," says he, "and, troth, I dunna how it is, but brandy always
+plays the puck wid my inthrails."
+
+"'Pon my conscience, then," says the Pope, "it's very sorry I am,
+Misther Maguire," says he, "that it isn't in my power to plase you; for
+I'm sure and certaint that there's not as much whisky in Room this
+blessed minit as 'ud blind the eye ov a midge."
+
+"Well, in troth, your Holiness," says Father Tom, "I knewn there was no
+use in axing; only," says he, "I didn't know how else to exqueeze the
+liberty I tuck," says he, "of bringing a small taste," says he, "of the
+real stuff," says he, hauling out an imperi'l quart bottle out ov his
+coat-pocket; "that never seen the face of a gauger," says he, setting it
+down on the table fornenst the Pope: "and if you'll jist thry the full
+ov a thimble ov it, and it doesn't rise the cockles of your Holiness's
+heart, why then, my name," says he, "isn't Tom Maguire!" and wid that he
+outs wid the cork.
+
+Well, the Pope at first was going to get vexed at Father Tom for
+fetching dhrink that a way in his pocket, as if there wasn't lashins in
+the house: so says he, "Misther Maguire," says he, "I'd have you to
+comprehind the differ betuxt an inwitation to dinner from the succissor
+of Saint Pether, and from a common nagur ov a Prodesan squireen that
+maybe hasn't liquor enough in his cupboard to wet more nor his own
+heretical whistle. That may be the way wid them that you wisit in
+Leithrim," says he, "and in Roscommon; and I'd let you know the differ
+in the prisint case," says he, "only that you're a champion ov the
+Church and entitled to laniency. So," says he, "as the liquor's come,
+let it stay. And in throth I'm curis myself," says he, getting mighty
+soft when he found the delightful smell ov the _putteen_, "in
+inwestigating the composition ov distilled liquors; it's a branch ov
+natural philosophy," says he, taking up the bottle and putting it to his
+blessed nose. Ah! my dear, the very first snuff he got ov it, he cried
+out, the dear man, "Blessed Vargin, but it has the divine smell!" and
+crossed himself and the bottle half-a-dozen times running.
+
+"Well, sure enough, it's the blessed liquor now," says his Riv'rence,
+"and so there can be no harm any way in mixing a dandy of punch; and,"
+says he, stirring up the materi'ls wid his goolden muddler--for
+everything at the Pope's table, to the very shcrew for drawing the
+corks, was ov vargin goold--"if I might make bould," says he, "to spake
+on so deep a subjec afore your Holiness, I think it 'ud considherably
+whacilitate the inwestigation ov its chemisthry and phwarmaceutics, if
+you'd jist thry the laste sup in life ov it in wardly."
+
+"Well, then, suppose I do make the same expiriment," says the Pope, in a
+much more condescinding way nor you'd have expected--and wid that he
+mixes himself a real stiff facer.
+
+"Now, your Holiness," says Father Tom, "this bein' the first time you
+ever dispinsed them chymicals," says he, "I'll just make bould to lay
+down one rule ov orthography," says he, "for conwhounding them,
+_secundum mortem_."
+
+"What's that?" says the Pope.
+
+"Put in the sperits first," says his Riv'rence; "and then put in the
+sugar; and remember, every dhrop ov wather you put in after that spoils
+the punch."
+
+"Glory be to God!" says the Pope, not minding a word Father Tom was
+saying. "Glory be to God!" says he, smacking his lips. "I never knewn
+what dhrink was afore," says he. "It bates the Lachrymalchrystal out ov
+the face!" says he--"it's Necthar itself, it is, so it is!" says he,
+wiping his epistolical mouth wid the cuff ov his coat.
+
+"'Pon my secret honour," says his Riv'rence, "I'm raally glad to see
+your Holiness set so much to your satiswhaction; especially," says he,
+"as, for fear ov accidents, I tuck the liberty of fetching the fellow ov
+that small vesshel," says he, "in my other coat-pocket. So devil a fear
+ov our running dhry till the but-end of the evening, anyhow," says he.
+
+"Dhraw your stool in to the fire, Misther Maguire," says the Pope, "for
+faix," says he, "I'm bent on analizing the metaphwysics ov this
+phinomenon. Come, man alive, clear off," says he, "you're not dhrinking
+at all."
+
+"Is it dhrink?" says his Riv'rence; "by Gorra, your Holiness," says he,
+"I'd dhrink wid you till the cows 'ud be coming home in the morning."
+
+So wid that they tackled to, to the second fugee a-piece, and fell into
+larned discourse. But it's time for me now to be off to the lecthir at
+the Boord. Oh my sorra light upon you, Docther Whateley, wid your
+pilitical econimy and your hydherastatics! What the _dioul_ use has a
+poor hedge-master like me wid sich deep larning as is only fit for the
+likes ov them two that I left over their second tumbler? Howandiver,
+wishing I was like them, in regard ov the sup ov dhrink, anyhow, I must
+brake off my norration for the prisint; but when I see you again, I'll
+tell you how Father Tom made a hare ov the Pope that evening, both in
+theology and the cube root.
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+ HOW FATHER TOM SACKED HIS HOLINESS IN THEOLOGY
+ AND LOGIC.
+
+Well, the lecthir's over, and I'm kilt out and out. My bitther curse
+upon the man that invinted the same Boord! I thought ons't I'd fadomed
+the say ov throuble; and that was when I got through fractions at ould
+Mat Kavanagh's school, in Firdramore--God be good to poor Mat's sowl,
+though he did deny the cause the day he suffered! but it's fluxions
+itself we're set to bottom now, sink or shwim! May I never die if my
+head isn't as throughother as anything wid their ordinals and
+cardinals--and, begob, it's all nothing to the econimy lecthir that I
+have to go to at two o'clock. Howandiver, I mustn't forget that we left
+his Riv'rence and his Holiness sitting fornenst one another in the
+parlor ov the Vatican, jist afther mixing their second tumbler.
+
+When they had got well down into the same, they fell, as I was telling
+you, into larned discourse. For, you see, the Pope was curious to find
+out whether Father Tom was the great theologian all out that people
+said; and says he, "Mister Maguire," says he, "What answer do you make
+to the heretics when they quote them passidges agin thransubstantiation
+out ov the Fathers?" says he.
+
+"Why," says his Riv'rence, "as there should be no sich passidges I make
+myself mighty aisy about them; but if you want to know how I dispose ov
+them," says he, "just repate one ov them, and I'll show you how to
+catapomphericate it in two shakes."
+
+"Why, then," says the Pope, "myself disremimbers the particlar passidges
+they alledge out ov them ould felleys," says he, "though sure enough
+they're more numerous nor edifying--so we'll jist suppose that a heretic
+was to find sich a saying as this in Austin, 'Every sensible man knows
+that thransubstantiation is a lie,'--or this out of Tertullian or
+Plutarch, 'the bishop ov Room is a common imposther,'--now tell me,
+could you answer him?"
+
+"As easy as kiss," says his Riv'rence. "In the first, we're to
+understand that the exprission, 'Every sinsible man,' signifies simply,
+'Every man that judges by his nath'ral sinses;' and we all know that
+nobody folleying them seven deludhers could ever find out the mysthery
+that's in it, if somebody didn't come in to his assistance wid an eighth
+sinse, which is the only sinse to be depended on, being the sinse ov the
+Church. So that, regarding the first quotation which your Holiness has
+supposed, it makes clane for us, and tee-totally agin the heretics."
+
+"That's the explanation sure enough," says his Holiness; "and now what
+div you say to my being a common imposther?"
+
+"Faix, I think," says his Riv'rence, "wid all submission to the betther
+judgment ov the learned father that your Holiness has quoted, he'd have
+been a thrifle nearer the thruth, if he had said that the bishop ov Room
+is the grand imposther and top-sawyer in that line over us all."
+
+"What do you mane?" says the Pope, getting quite red in the face.
+
+"What would I mane," says his Riv'rence, as composed as a docther ov
+physic, "but that your Holiness is at the head ov all them--troth I had
+a'most forgot I wasn't a bishop myself," says he (the deludher was going
+to say, as the head of all _uz_)--"that has the gift ov laying on hands.
+For sure," says he, "imposther and _imposithir_ is all one, so you're
+only to undherstand _manuum_, and the job is done. Awouich!" says he,
+"if any heretic 'ud go for to cast up sich a passidge as that agin me,
+I'd soon give him a lesson in the p'lite art ov cutting a stick to welt
+his own back wid."
+
+"'Pon my apostolical word," says the Pope, "you've cleared up them two
+pints in a most satiswhacthery manner."
+
+"You see," says his Riv'rence--by this time they wor mixing their third
+tumbler--"the writings ov them Fathers is to be thrated wid great
+veneration; and it 'ud be the height ov presumption in any one to sit
+down to interpret them widout providing himself wid a genteel assortment
+ov the best figures ov rhetoric, sich as mettonymy, hyperbol,
+cattychraysis, prolipsis, mettylipsis, superbaton, pollysyndreton,
+hustheronprotheron, prosodypeia and the like, in ordher that he may
+never be at a loss for shuitable sintiments when he comes to their
+high-flown passidges. For unless we thrate them Fathers liberally to a
+handsome allowance ov thropes and figures, they'd set up heresy at
+ons't, so they would."
+
+"It's thrue for you," says the Pope; "the figures ov spache is the
+pillars ov the Church."
+
+"Bedad," says his Riv'rence, "I dunna what we'd do widout them at all."
+
+"Which one do you prefir?" says the Pope; "that is," says he, "which
+figure of spache do you find most usefullest when you're hard set?"
+
+"Metaphour's very good," says his Riv'rence, "and so's mettonymy--and
+I've known prosodypeia stand to me at a pinch mighty well--but for a
+constancy, superbaton's the figure for my money. Devil be in me," says
+he, "but I'd prove black white as fast as a horse 'ud throt wid only a
+good stock ov superbaton."
+
+"Faix," says the Pope, wid a sly look, "you'd need to have it backed, I
+judge, wid a small taste of assurance."
+
+"Well now, jist for that word," says his Riv'rence, "I'll prove it
+widout aither one or other. Black," says he, "is one thing and white is
+another thing. You don't conthravene that? But every thing is aither one
+thing or another thing; I defy the apostle Paul to get over that
+dilemma. Well! If any thing be one thing, well and good; but if it be
+another thing, then it's plain it isn't both things, and so can't be two
+things--nobody can deny that. But what can't be two things must be one
+thing,--_Ergo_, whether it's one thing or another thing it's all one.
+But black is one thing and white is another thing,--_Ergo_, black and
+white is all one. _Quod erat demonsthrandum._"
+
+"Stop a bit," says the Pope, "I can't althegither give in to your second
+minor--no--your second major," says he, and he stopped. "Faix, then,"
+says he, getting confused, "I don't rightly remimber where it was
+exactly that I thought I seen the flaw in your premises. Howsomdiver,"
+says he, "I don't deny that it's a good conclusion, and one that 'ud be
+ov materi'l service to the Church if it was dhrawn wid a little more
+distinctiveness."
+
+"I'll make it as plain as the nose on your Holiness's face, by
+superbaton," says his Riv'rence. "My adversary says, black is not
+another colour, that is, white? Now that's jist a parallel passidge wid
+the one out ov Tartullian that me and Hayes smashed the heretics on in
+Clarendon Sthreet, 'This is my body--that is, the figure ov my body.'
+That's a superbaton, and we showed that it oughtn't to be read that way
+at all, but this way, 'This figure of my body _is_ my body.' Jist so wid
+my adversary's proposition, it mustn't be undherstood the way it reads,
+by no manner of manes; but it's to be taken this way,--'Black--that is,
+white, is not another colour,'--green, if you like, or orange, by dad,
+for anything I care, for my case is proved. 'Black,' that is, 'white,'
+lave out the 'that,' by sinnalayphy, and you have the orthodox
+conclusion, 'Black is white,' or by convarsion, 'White is black.'"
+
+"It's as clear as mud," says the Pope.
+
+"Begad," says his Riv'rence, "I'm in great humour for disputin'
+to-night. I wisht your Holiness was a heretic jist for two minutes,"
+says he, "till you'd see the flaking I'd give you!"
+
+"Well then, for the fun o' the thing, suppose me my namesake, if you
+like," says the Pope, laughing, "though, by Jayminy," says he, "he's not
+one that I take much pride out ov."
+
+"Very good--devil a betther joke ever I had," says his Riv'rence. "Come,
+then, Misther Pope," says he, "hould up that purty face ov yours, and
+answer me this question. Which 'ud be the biggest lie, if I said I seen
+a turkey-cock lying on the broad ov his back, and picking the stars out
+ov the sky, or if I was to say that I seen a gandher in the same
+intherestin' posture, raycreating himself wid similar asthronomical
+experiments? Answer me that, you ould swaddler?" says he.
+
+"How durst you call me a swaddler, sir?" says the Pope, forgetting, the
+dear man, the part that he was acting.
+
+"Don't think for to bully me!" says his Riv'rence, "I always daar to
+spake the truth, and it's well known that you're nothing but a swaddling
+ould sinner ov a saint," says he, never letting on to persave that his
+Holiness had forgot what they were agreed on.
+
+"By all that's good," says the Pope, "I often hard ov the imperance ov
+you Irish afore," says he, "but I never expected to be called a saint in
+my own house either by Irishman or Hottentot. I'll till you what,
+Misther Maguire," says he, "if you can't keep a civil tongue in your
+head, you had betther be walking off wid yourself; for I beg lave to
+give you to undherstand, that it won't be for the good ov your health if
+you call me by sich an outprobrious epithet again," says he.
+
+"Oh, indeed! then things is come to a purty pass," says his Riv'rence
+(the dear funny soul that he ever was!) "when the likes of you compares
+one of the Maguires ov Tempo wid a wild Ingine! Why, man alive, the
+Maguires was kings ov Fermanagh three thousand years afore your
+grandfather, that was the first ov your breed that ever wore shoes and
+stockings" (I'm bound to say, in justice to the poor Prodesan, that this
+was all spoken by his Riv'rence by way of a figure ov spache), "was sint
+his Majesty's arrand to cultivate the friendship of Prince Lee Boo in
+Botteney Bay! Oh Bryan dear," says he, letting on to cry, "if you were
+alive to hear a _boddagh Sassenagh_ like this casting up his counthry to
+one ov the name ov Maguire!"
+
+"In the name ov God," says the Pope, very solemniously, "what _is_ the
+maning ov all this at all at all?" says he.
+
+"Sure," says his Riv'rence, whispering to him across the table, "sure
+you know we're acting a conthravarsy, and you tuck the part ov the
+Prodesan champion. You wouldn't be angry wid me, I'm sure, for sarving
+out the heretic to the best ov my ability."
+
+"Oh begad, I had forgot," says the Pope, the good-natured ould crethur;
+"sure enough you were only taking your part, as a good Milesian Catholic
+ought, agin the heretic Sassenagh. Well," says he, "fire away now, and
+I'll put up wid as many conthroversial compliments as you plase to pay
+me."
+
+"Well, then, answer me my question, you santimonious ould dandy," says
+his Riv'rence.
+
+"In troth, then," says the Pope, "I dunna which 'ud be the biggest lie:
+to my mind," says he, "the one appears to be about as big a bounce as
+the other."
+
+"Why, then, you poor simpleton," says his Riv'rence, "don't you persave
+that, forbye the advantage the gandher 'ud have in the length ov his
+neck, it 'ud be next to onpossible for the turkey-cock lying thataway
+to see what he was about, by rason ov his djollars and other
+accouthrements hanging back over his eyes? The one about as big a bounce
+as the other! Oh, you misfortunate crethur! if you had ever larned your
+A B C in theology, you'd have known that there's a differ betuxt them
+two lies so great, that, begad, I wouldn't wondher if it 'ud make a
+balance ov five years in purgathory to the sowl that 'ud be in it. Ay,
+and if it wasn't that the Church is too liberal entirely, so she is, it
+'ud cost his heirs and succissors betther nor ten pounds to have him out
+as soon as the other. Get along, man, and take half-a-year at dogmatical
+theology: go and read your Dens, you poor dunce, you!"
+
+"Raally," says the Pope, "you're making the heretic's shoes too hot to
+hould me. I wondher how the Prodesans can stand afore you at all."
+
+"Don't think to delude me," says his Riv'rence, "don't think to back out
+ov your challenge now," says he, "but come to the scratch like a man, if
+you are a man, and answer me my question. What's the rason, now, that
+Julius Caesar and the Vargin Mary was born upon the one day?--answer me
+that, if you wouldn't be hissed off the platform?"
+
+Well, my dear, the Pope couldn't answer it, and he had to acknowledge
+himself sacked. Then he axed his Riv'rence to tell him the rason
+himself; and Father Tom communicated it to him in Latin. But as that is
+a very deep question, I never hard what the answer was, except that I'm
+tould it was so mysterious, it made the Pope's hair stand on end.
+
+But there's two o'clock, and I'll be late for the lecthir.
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+HOW FATHER TOM MADE A HARE OF HIS HOLINESS IN LATIN.
+
+Oh, Docther Whateley, Docther Whateley, I'm sure I'll never die another
+death if I don't die aither of consumption or production! I ever and
+always thought that asthronomy was the hardest science that was till
+now--and it's no lie I'm telling you, the same asthronomy is a tough
+enough morsel to brake a man's fast upon--and geolidgy is middling and
+hard too--and hydherastatics is no joke; but ov all the books of science
+that ever was opened and shut, that book upon Pilitical Econimy lifts
+the pins! Well, well, if they wait till they persuade me that taking a
+man's rints out ov the counthry, and spinding them in forrain parts
+isn't doing us out ov the same, they'll wait a long time in troth. But
+you're waiting, I see, to hear how his Riv'rence and his Holiness got on
+after finishing the disputation I was telling you of. Well, you see, my
+dear, when the Pope found he couldn't hold a candle to Father Tom in
+theology and logic, he thought he'd take the shine out ov him in Latin
+anyhow, so says he, "Misther Maguire," says he, "I quite agree wid you
+that it's not lucky for us to be spaking on them deep subjects in sich
+langidges as the evil spirits is acquainted wid; and," says he, "I think
+it 'ud be no harm for us to spake from this out in Latin," says he, "for
+fraid the devil 'ud undherstand what we are saying."
+
+"Not a hair I care," says Father Tom, "whether he undherstands what
+we're saying or not, as long as we keep off that last pint we wor
+discussing, and one or two others. Listners never heard good ov
+themselves," says he; "and if Belzhebub takes anything amiss that aither
+you or me says in regard ov himself or his faction, let him stand forrid
+like a man, and, never fear, I'll give him his answer. Howandiver, if
+it's for a taste ov classic conwersation you are, just to put us in mind
+ov ould Cordarius," says he, "here's at you;" and wid that he lets fly
+at his Holiness wid his health in Latin.
+
+"Vesthrae Sanctitatis salutem volo!" says he.
+
+"Vesthrae Revirintiae salubritati bibo!" says the Pope to him again
+(haith, it's no joke, I tell you, to remimber sich a power ov larning).
+"Here's to you wid the same," says the Pope, in the raal Ciceronian.
+"Nunc poculum alterhum imple," says he.
+
+"Cum omni jucunditate in vita," says his Riv'rence. "Cum summa
+concupiscintia et animositate," says he; as much as to say, "Wid all the
+veins ov my heart, I'll do that same;" and so wid that, they mixed their
+fourth gun a-piece.
+
+"Aqua vitae vesthra sane est liquor admirabilis," says the Pope.
+
+"Verum est pro te,--it's thrue for you," says his Riv'rence, forgetting
+the idyim ov the Latin phwraseology, in a manner.
+
+"Prava est tua Latinitas, domine," says the Pope, finding fault like wid
+his etymology.
+
+"Parva culpa mihi," "small blame to me, that is," says his Riv'rence;
+"nam multum laboro in partibus interioribus," says he--the dear man!
+that never was at a loss for an excuse!
+
+"Quid tibi incommodi?" says the Pope, axing him what ailed him.
+
+"Habesne id quod Anglice vocamus, a looking-glass," says his Riv'rence.
+
+"Immo, habeo speculum splendidissimum subther operculum pyxidis hujus
+starnutatoriae," says the Pope, pulling out a beautiful goold snuff-box,
+wid a looking-glass in under the lid; "Subther operculum pyxidis hujus
+starnutatorii--no--starnutatoriae--quam dono accepi ab Archi-duce
+Austhriaco siptuagisima praetherita," says he; as much as to say that he
+got the box in a prisint from the Queen ov Spain last Lint, if I rightly
+remimber.
+
+Well, Father Tom laughed like to burst. At last, says he, "Pather
+Sancte," says he, "sub errore jaces. 'Looking-glass' apud nos habet
+significationem quamdam peculiarem ex tempore diei dependentem"--there
+was a sthring ov accusatives for yez!--"nam mane speculum sonat," says
+he, "post prandium vero mat--mat--mat"--sorra be in me but I disremimber
+the classic appellivation ov the same article. Howandiver, his Riv'rence
+went on explaining himself in such a way as no scholar could mistake.
+"Vesica mea," says he, "ab illo ultimo eversore distenditur, donc
+similis est rumpere. Verbis apertis," says he, "Vesthrae Sanctitatis
+praesentia salvata, aquam facere valde desidhero."
+
+"Ho, ho, ho!" says the Pope, grabbing up his box; "si inquinavisses meam
+pyxidem, excimnicari debuisses. Hillo, Anthony," says he to his head
+butler, "fetch Misther Maguire a----"
+
+"You spoke first!" says his Riv'rence, jumping off his sate: "You spoke
+first in the vernacular. I take Misther Anthony to witness," says he.
+
+"What else would you have me to do?" says the Pope, quite dogged like to
+see himself bate thataway at his own waypons. "Sure," says he, "Anthony
+wouldn't undherstand a B from a bull's foot, if I spoke to him any other
+way."
+
+"Well, then," says his Riv'rence, "in considheration ov the
+needcessity," says he, "I'll let you off for this time; but mind, now,
+afther I say _praestho_, the first of us that spakes a word of English
+is the hare--_praestho_!"
+
+Neither ov them spoke for near a minit, considhering wid themselves how
+they wor to begin sich a great thrial ov shkill. At last, says the
+Pope--the blessed man! only think how 'cute it was ov him!--"Domine
+Maguire," says he, "valde desidhero, certiorem fieri de significatione
+istius verbi _eversor_ quo jam jam usus es"--(well, surely I _am_ the
+boy for the Latin!)
+
+"_Eversor_, id est cyathus," says his Riv'rence, "nam apud nos
+_tumbleri_, seu eversores, dicti sunt ab evertendo ceremoniam inter
+amicos; non, ut Temperantiae Societatis frigidis fautoribus placet, ab
+evertendis ipsis potatoribus." (It's not every masther undher the Boord,
+I tell you, could carry such a car-load ov the dead langidges.) "In agro
+vero Louthiano et Midensi," says he, "nomine gaudent quodam secundum
+linguam Anglicanum significante bombardam seu tormentum; quia ex eis
+tanquam ex telis jaculatoriis liquorem faucibus immittere solent. Etiam
+inter haereticos illos melanostomos" (that was a touch of Greek).
+"Presbyterianos Septentrionales, qui sunt terribiles potatores, Cyathi
+dicti sunt _faceres_, et dimidium Cyathi _haef-a-glessus_. Dimidium
+Cyathi vero apud Metropolitanos Hibernicos dicitur _dandy_."--
+
+"En verbum Anglicanum!" says the Pope, clapping his hands,--"leporem te
+fecisti;" as much as to say that he had made a hare ov himself.
+
+"_Dandaeus, dandaeus_, verbum erat," says his Riv'rence--oh, the dear man,
+but it's himself that was handy ever and always at getting out ov a
+hobble--"_dandaeus_ verbum erat," says he, "quod dicturus eram, cum me
+intherpillavisti."
+
+"Ast ego dico," says the Pope, very sharp, "quod verbum erat _dandy_."
+
+"Per tibicinem qui coram Mose modulatus est," says his Riv'rence, "id
+flagellat mundum! _Dandaeus_ dixi, et tu dicis _dandy_; ergo tu es lepus,
+non ego--Ah, ha! Saccavi vesthram Sanctitatem!"
+
+"Mendacium est!" says the Pope, quite forgetting himself, he was so mad
+at being sacked before the sarvints.
+
+Well, if it hadn't been that his Holiness was in it, Father Tom 'ud have
+given him the contints of his tumbler betuxt the two eyes, for calling
+him a liar; and, in troth, it's very well it was in Latin the offince
+was conweyed, for, if it had been in the vernacular, there's no saying
+what 'ud ha' been the consequence. His Riv'rence was mighty angry
+anyhow.--"Tu senex lathro," says he, "quomodo audes me mendacem
+praedicare?"
+
+"Et tu, sacrilege nebulo," says the Pope, "quomodo audacitatem habeas,
+me Dei in terris vicarium, lathronem conwiciari?"
+
+"Interroga circumcirca," says his Riv'rence.
+
+"Abi ex aedibus meis," says the Pope.
+
+"Abi tu in malem crucem," says his Riv'rence.
+
+"Excumnicabo te," says the Pope.
+
+"Diabolus curat," says his Riv'rence.
+
+"Anathema sis," says the Pope.
+
+"Oscula meum pod,"--says his Riv'rence--but, my dear, afore he could
+finish what he was going to say, the Pope broke out into the vernacular,
+"Get out o' my house, you reprobate!" says he in sich a rage that he
+could contain himself widin the Latin no longer.
+
+"Ha, ha, ha!--ho, ho, ho!" says his Riv'rence, "Who's the hare now, your
+Holiness? Oh, by this and by that, I've sacked you clane! Clane and
+clever I've done it, and no mistake! You see what a bit ov desate will
+do wid the wisest, your Holiness--sure it was joking I was, on purpose
+to aggrawate you--all's fair, you know, in love, law, and conthravarsy.
+In troth if I'd thought you'd have taken it so much to heart, I'd have
+put my head into the fire afore I'd have said a word to offind you,"
+says he, for he seen that the Pope was very vexed. "Sure, God forbid
+that I'd say anything agin your Holiness, barring it was in fun: for
+aren't you the father ov the faithful, and the thrue vicar ov God upon
+earth? And amn't I ready to go down on my two knees this blessed minit
+and beg your apostolical pardon for every word that I said to your
+displasement?"
+
+"Are you in arnest that it is in fun you wor?" says the Pope.
+
+"May I never die if I amn't," says his Riv'rence. "It was all to provoke
+your Holiness to commit a brache ov the Latin that I tuck the small
+liberties I did," says he.
+
+"I'd have you to take care," says the Pope, "how you take sich small
+liberties again, or maybe you'll provoke me to commit a brache ov the
+pace."
+
+"Well, and if I did," says his Riv'rence, "I know a sartain preparation
+ov chemicals that's very good for curing a brache either in Latinity or
+frindship."
+
+"What's that?" says the Pope, quite mollified, and sitting down again at
+the table that he had ris from in the first pluff of his indignation.
+"What's that?" says he, "for, 'pon my Epistolical 'davy, I think it
+'udn't be asy to bate this miraclous mixthir that we've been thrying to
+anilize this two hours back," says he, taking a mighty scientifical swig
+out ov the bottom ov his tumbler.
+
+"It's good for a beginning," says his Riv'rence; "it lays a very nate
+foundation for more sarious operation: but we're now arrived at a pariod
+of the evening when it's time to proceed wid our shuper-structhure by
+compass and square, like free and excipted masons as we both are."
+
+My time's up for the present; but I'll tell you the rest in the evening
+at home.
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+ HOW FATHER TOM AND HIS HOLINESS DISPUTED IN METAPHYSICS
+ AND ALGEBRA.
+
+God be wid the time when I went to the classical seminary ov Firdramore!
+when I'd bring my sod o' turf undher my arm, and sit down on my shnug
+boss o' straw, wid my back to the masther and my shins to the fire, and
+score my sum in Dives's denominations or the double rule o' three, or
+play fox-and-geese wid purty Jane Cruise that sat next me, as plisantly
+as the day was long, widout any one so much as saying, "Mikey Heffernan,
+what's that you're about?"--for ever since I was in the one lodge wid
+poor ould Mat I had my own way in his school as free as ever I had in my
+mother's shebeen. God be wid them days, I say again, for its althered
+times wid me, I judge, since I got under Carlisle and Whateley. Sich
+sthrictness! sich ordher! sich dhrilling, and lecthiring, and tuthoring
+as they do get on wid! I wisht to gracious the one-half of their rules
+and rigilations was sunk in the say. And they're getting so sthrict,
+too, about having fair play for the heretic childher! We've to have no
+more schools in the chapels, nor masses in the schools. Oh, by this and
+by that it'll never do at all! The ould plan was twenty times betther;
+and, for my own part, if it wasn't that the clargy supports them in a
+manner, and the grant's a thing not easily done widout these hard
+times, I'd see if I couldn't get a sheltered spot nigh-hand the chapel,
+and set up again on the good ould principle: and faix, I think our
+Metropolitan 'ud stand to me, for I know that his Grace's motto was ever
+and always, that "Ignorance is the thrue mother ov piety."
+
+But I'm running away from my narrative entirely, so I am. "You'll plase
+to ordher up the housekeeper, then," says Father Tom to the Pope, "wid a
+pint ov sweet milk in a skillet, and the bulk ov her fist ov butther,
+along wid a dust ov soft sugar in a saucer, and I'll show you the way of
+producing a decoction that, I'll be bound, will hunt the thirst out ov
+every nook and corner in your Holiness's blessed carcidge."
+
+The Pope ordhered up the ingredients, and they were brought in by the
+head butler.
+
+"That'll not do at all," says his Riv'rence, "the ingredients won't
+combine in due proportion unless ye do as I bid yez. Send up the
+housekeeper," says he, "for a faymale hand is ondispinsably necessary to
+produce the adaptation ov the particles and the concurrence ov the
+corpuscles, widout which you might boil till morning, and never fetch
+the cruds off ov it."
+
+Well, the Pope whispered to his head butler, and by-and-by up there
+comes an ould faggot ov a _Caillean_, that was enough to frighten a
+horse from his oats.
+
+"Don't thry for to desave me," says his Riv'rence, "for it's no use, I
+tell yez. Send up the housekeeper, I bid yez: I seen her presarving
+gooseberries in the panthry as I came up: she has eyes as black as a
+sloe," says he, "and cheeks like the rose in June; and sorra taste of
+this celestial mixthir shall crass the lips ov man or mortial this
+blessed night till she stirs the same up wid her own delicate little
+finger."
+
+"Misther Maguire," says the Pope, "it's very unproper ov you to spake
+that way ov my housekeeper: I won't allow it, sir."
+
+"Honour bright, your Holiness," says his Riv'rence, laying his hand on
+his heart.
+
+"Oh, by this and by that, Misther Maguire," says the Pope, "I'll have
+none of your insiniwations: I don't care who sees my whole household,"
+says he; "I don't care if all the faymales undher my roof was paraded
+down the High Street of Room," says he.
+
+"Oh, it's plain to be seen how little you care who see's them," says his
+Riv'rence. "You're afeared, now, if I was to see your housekeeper, that
+I'd say she was too handsome."
+
+"No, I'm not!" says the Pope; "I don't care who sees her," says he.
+"Anthony," says he to the head butler, "bid Eliza throw her apron over
+her head, and come up here." Wasn't that stout in the blessed man? Well,
+my dear, up she came, stepping like a three-year-old, and blushing like
+the brake o' day: for though her apron was thrown over her head as she
+came forrid, till you could barely see the tip ov her chin--more be
+token there was a lovely dimple in it, as I've been tould--yet she let
+it shlip a bit to one side, by chance like, jist as she got fornenst the
+fire, and if she wouldn't have given his Riv'rence a shot if he hadn't
+been a priest, it's no matther.
+
+"Now, my dear," says he, "you must take that skillet, and hould it over
+the fire till the milk comes to a blood-hate; and the way you'll know
+that will be by stirring it ons't or twice wid the little finger ov your
+right hand, afore you put in the butther: not that I misdoubt," says he,
+"but that the same finger's fairer nor the whitest milk that ever came
+from the tit."
+
+"None of your deludhering talk to the young woman, sir," says the Pope,
+mighty stern. "Stir the posset as he bids you, Eliza, and then be off
+wid yourself," says he.
+
+"I beg your Holiness's pardon ten thousand times," says his Riv'rence;
+"I'm sure I meant nothing onproper; I hope I'm uncapable ov any sich
+dirilection of my duty," says he. "But, marciful Saver!" he cried out,
+jumping up on a suddent, "look behind you, your Holiness--I'm blest but
+the room's on fire!"
+
+Sure enough the candle fell down that minit, and was near setting fire
+to the windy-curtains, and there was some bustle, as you may suppose,
+getting things put to rights. And now I have to tell you ov a raally
+onpleasant occurrence. If I was a Prodesan that was in it, I'd say that
+while the Pope's back was turned, Father Tom made free wid the two lips
+ov Miss Eliza; but, upon my conscience, I believe it was a mere mistake
+that his Holiness fell into on account of his being an ould man, and not
+having aither his eyesight or his hearing very parfect. At any rate it
+can't be denied but that he had a sthrong imprission that sich was the
+case; for he wheeled about as quick as thought, jist as his Riv'rence
+was sitting down, and charged him wid the offince plain and plump. "Is
+it kissing my housekeeper before my face you are, you villain?" says he.
+"Go down out o' this," says he to Miss Eliza; "and do you be packing off
+wid you," he says to Father Tom, "for it's not safe, so it isn't, to
+have the likes ov you in a house where there's temptation in your way."
+
+"Is it me?" says his Riv'rence; "why, what would your Holiness be at, at
+all? Sure I wasn't doing no sich thing."
+
+"Would you have me doubt the evidence ov my sinses?" says the Pope;
+"would you have me doubt the testimony ov my eyes and ears?" says he.
+
+"Indeed I would so," says his Riv'rence, "if they pretend to have
+informed your Holiness ov any sich foolishness."
+
+"Why," says the Pope, "I seen you afther kissing Eliza as plain as I see
+the nose on your face; I heard the smack you gave her as plain as ever I
+heard thundher."
+
+"And how do you know whether you see the nose on my face or not?" says
+his Riv'rence; "and how do you know whether what you thought was
+thundher, was thundher at all? Them operations of the sinses," says he,
+"comprises only particular corporayal emotions, connected wid sartain
+confused perciptions called sinsations, and isn't to be depended upon at
+all. If we were to follow them blind guides, we might jist as well turn
+heretics at ons't. 'Pon my secret word, your Holiness, it's naither
+charitable nor orthodox ov you to set up the testimony ov your eyes and
+ears agin the characther of a clergyman. And now, see how aisy it is to
+explain all them phwenomena that perplexed you. I ris and went over
+beside the young woman because the skillet was boiling over, to help her
+to save the dhrop ov liquor that was in it; and as for the noise you
+heard, my dear man, it was neither more nor less nor myself dhrawing the
+cork out ov this blissid bottle."
+
+"Don't offer to thrape that upon me!" says the Pope; "here's the cork in
+the bottle still, as tight as a wedge."
+
+"I beg your pardon," says his Riv'rence, "that's not the cork at all,"
+says he; "I dhrew the cork a good two minits ago, and it's very purtily
+spitted on the end ov this blessed cork-shcrew at this prisint moment;
+howandiver you can't see it, because it's only its raal prisence that's
+in it. But that appearance that you call a cork," says he, "is nothing
+but the outward spacies and external qualities of the cortical nathur.
+Them's nothing but the accidents of the cork that you're looking at and
+handling; but, as I tould you afore, the real cork's dhrew, and is here
+prisint on the end ov this nate little insthrument, and it was the noise
+I made in dhrawing it, and nothing else, that you mistook for the sound
+ov the _pogue_."
+
+You know there was no conthravening what he said; and the Pope couldn't
+openly deny it. Howandiver he thried to pick a hole in it this way.
+"Granting," says he, "that there is the differ you say betwixt the
+reality ov the cork and them cortical accidents, and that it's quite
+possible, as you alledge, that the thrue cork is really prisint on the
+end ov the shcrew, while the accidents keep the mouth ov the bottle
+stopped--still," says he, "I can't undherstand, though willing to acquit
+you, how the dhrawing ov the real cork, that's onpalpable and widout
+accidents, could produce the accident of that sinsible explosion I heard
+jist now."
+
+"All I can say," says his Riv'rence, "is, that I'm sinsible it was a
+real accident, anyhow."
+
+"Ay," says the Pope, "the kiss you gev Eliza, you mane."
+
+"No," says his Riv'rence, "but the report I made."
+
+"I don't doubt you," says the Pope.
+
+"No cork could be dhrew with less noise," says his Riv'rence.
+
+"It would be hard for anything to be less nor nothing, barring algebra,"
+says the Pope.
+
+"I can prove to the conthrary," says his Riv'rence. "This glass ov
+whisky is less nor that tumbler ov punch, and that tumbler of punch is
+nothing to this jug ov _scaltheen_."
+
+"Do you judge by superficial misure or by the liquid contents?" says the
+Pope.
+
+"Don't stop me betwixt my premisses and my conclusion," says his
+Riv'rence; "_Ergo_, this glass ov whisky is less nor nothing; and for
+that raison I see no harm in life in adding it to the contents ov the
+same jug, just by way ov a frost-nail."
+
+"Adding what's less nor nothing," says the Pope, "is subtraction
+according to algebra; so here goes to make the rule good," says he,
+filling his tumbler wid the blessed stuff, and sitting down again at the
+table, for the anger didn't stay two minits on him, the good-hearted
+ould sowl.
+
+"Two minuses makes one plus," says his Riv'rence, as ready as you plase,
+"and that'll account for the increased daycrement I mane to take the
+liberty of producing in the same mixed quantity," says he, follying his
+Holiness's epistolical example.
+
+"By all that's good," says the Pope, "that's the best stuff I ever
+tasted; you call it a mixed quantity, but I say it's prime."
+
+"Since it's ov the first ordher, then," says his Riv'rence, "we'll have
+the less deffeequilty in reducing it to a simple equation."
+
+"You'll have no fractions at my side, anyhow," says the Pope. "Faix, I'm
+afeared," says he, "it's only too asy ov solution our sum is like to
+be."
+
+"Never fear for that," says his Riv'rence, "I've a good stock of surds
+here in the bottle; for I tell you it will take us a long time to
+exthract the root ov it, at the rate we're going on."
+
+"What makes you call the blessed quart an irrational quantity?" says the
+Pope.
+
+"Becase it's too much for one, and too little for two," says his
+Riv'rence.
+
+"Clear it ov its coefficient, and we'll thry," says the Pope.
+
+"Hand me over the exponent, then," says his Riv'rence.
+
+"What's that?" says the Pope.
+
+"The shcrew, to be sure," says his Riv'rence.
+
+"What for?" says the Pope.
+
+"To dhraw the cork," says his Riv'rence.
+
+"Sure the cork's dhrew," says the Pope.
+
+"But the sperits can't get out on account of the accidents that's stuck
+in the neck ov the bottle," says his Riv'rence.
+
+"Accident ought to be passable to sperit," says the Pope, "and that
+makes me suspect that the reality ov the cork's in it afther all."
+
+"That's a barony-masia," says his Riv'rence, "and I'm not bound to
+answer it. But the fact is, that it's the accidents ov the sperits too
+that's in it, and the reality's passed out through the cortical spacies
+as you say; for, you may have observed, we've both been in real good
+sperits ever since the cork was dhrawn, and were else would the real
+sperits come from if they wouldn't come out ov the bottle?"
+
+"Well, then," says the Pope, "since we've got the reality, there's no
+use troubling ourselves wid the accidents."
+
+"Oh, begad," says his Riv'rence, "the accidents is very essential too;
+for a man may be in the best ov good sperits, as far as his immaterial
+part goes, and yet need the accidental qualities ov good liquor to hunt
+the sinsible thirst out ov him." So he dhraws the cork in earnest, and
+sets about brewing the other skillet ov _scaltheen_; but, faix, he had
+to get up the ingredients this time by the hands ov ould Molly; though
+devil a taste ov her little finger he'd let widin a yard ov the same
+decoction.
+
+But, my dear, here's the _Freeman's Journal_, and we'll see what's the
+news afore we finish the residuary proceedings of their two Holinesses.
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+THE REASON WHY FATHER TOM WAS NOT MADE A CARDINAL.
+
+_Hurroo_, my darlings!--didn't I tell you it 'ud never do? Success to
+bould John Tuam and the ould siminary ov Firdramore! Oh, more power to
+your Grace every day you rise, 'tis you that has broken their Boord into
+shivers undher your feet! Sure, and isn't it a proud day for Ireland,
+this blessed feast ov the chair ov Saint Pether? Isn't Carlisle and
+Whateley smashed to pieces, and their whole college of swaddling
+teachers knocked into smidhereens. John Tuam, your sowl, has tuck his
+pasthoral staff in his hand and beathen them out o' Connaught as fast as
+ever Pathrick druve the sarpints into Clew Bay. Poor ould Mat Kavanagh,
+if he was alive this day, 'tis he would be the happy man. "My curse upon
+their g'ographies and Bibles," he used to say; "where's the use ov
+perplexing the poor childher wid what we don't undherstand ourselves?"
+no use at all, in troth, and so I said from the first myself. Well,
+thank God and his Grace, we'll have no more thrigonomethry nor scripther
+in Connaught. We'll hould our lodges every Saturday night, as we used to
+do, wid our chairman behind the masther's desk, and we'll hear our mass
+every Sunday morning wid the blessed priest standing afore the same. I
+wisht to goodness I hadn't parted wid my Seven Champions ov Christendom
+and Freney the Robber; they're books that'll be in great requist in
+Leithrim as soon as the pasthoral gets wind. Glory be to God! I've done
+wid their lecthirs--they may all go and be d----d wid their consumption
+and production. I'm off to Tallymactaggart before daylight in the
+morning, where I'll thry whether a sod or two o' turf can't consume a
+cartload ov heresy, and whether a weekly meeting ov the lodge can't
+produce a new thayory ov rints. But afore I take my lave ov you, I may
+as well finish my story about poor Father Tom that I hear is coming up
+to whale the heretics in Adam and Eve during the Lint.
+
+The Pope--and indeed it ill becomes a good Catholic to say anything agin
+him--no more would I, only that his Riv'rence was in it--but you see the
+fact ov it is, that the Pope was as envious as ever he could be, at
+seeing himself sacked right and left by Father Tom, and bate out o' the
+face, the way he was, on every science and subjec' that was started. So,
+not to be outdone altogether, he says to his Riv'rence, "You're a man
+that's fond ov the brute crayation, I hear, Misther Maguire?"
+
+"I don't deny it," says his Riv'rence, "I've dogs that I'm willing to
+run agin any man's, ay, or to match them agin any other dogs in the
+world for genteel edication and polite manners," says he.
+
+"I'll hould you a pound," says the Pope, "that I've a quadhruped in my
+possession that's a wiser baste nor any dog in your kennel."
+
+"Done," says his Riv'rence, and they staked the money.
+
+"What can this larned quadhruped o' yours do?" says his Riv'rence.
+
+"It's my mule," says the Pope, "and, if you were to offer her goolden
+oats and clover off the meadows o' Paradise, sorra taste ov aither she'd
+let pass her teeth till the first mass is over every Sunday or holiday
+in the year."
+
+"Well, and what 'ud you say if I showed you a baste ov mine," says his
+Riv'rence, "that, instead ov fasting till first mass is over only, fasts
+out the whole four-and-twenty hours ov every Wednesday and Friday in the
+week as reg'lar as a Christian?"
+
+"Oh, be asy, Masther Maguire," says the Pope.
+
+"You don't b'lieve me, don't you?" says his Riv'rence; "very well, I'll
+soon show you whether or no," and he put his knuckles in his mouth, and
+gev a whistle that made the Pope stop his fingers in his ears. The
+aycho, my dear, was hardly done playing wid the cobwebs in the cornish,
+when the door flies open, and in jumps Spring. The Pope happened to be
+sitting next the door, betuxt him and his Riv'rence, and, may I never
+die, if he didn't clear him, thriple crown and all, at one spang. "God's
+presence be about us!" says the Pope, thinking it was an evil spirit
+come to fly away wid him for the lie that he had tould in regard ov his
+mule (for it was nothing more nor a thrick that consisted in grazing
+the brute's teeth): but, seeing it was only one ov the greatest beauties
+ov a greyhound that he'd ever laid his epistolical eyes on, he soon
+recovered ov his fright, and began to pat him, while Father Tom ris and
+went to the sideboord, where he cut a slice ov pork, a slice ov beef, a
+slice ov mutton, and a slice of salmon, and put them all on a plate
+thegither. "Here, Spring, my man," says he, setting the plate down afore
+him on the hearthstone, "here's your supper for you this blessed Friday
+night." Not a word more he said nor what I tell you; and, you may
+believe it or not, but it's the blessed truth that the dog, afther jist
+tasting the salmon, and spitting it out again, lifted his nose out o'
+the plate, and stood wid his jaws wathering, and his tail wagging,
+looking up in his Riv'rence's face, as much as to say, "Give me your
+absolution, till I hide them temptations out o' my sight."
+
+"There's a dog that knows his duty," says his Riv'rence; "there's a
+baste that knows how to conduct himself aither in the parlour or the
+field. You think him a good dog, looking at him here; but I wisht you
+seen him on the side ov Slieve-an-Eirin! Be my soul, you'd say the hill
+was running away from undher him. Oh I wisht you had been wid me," says
+he, never letting on to see the dog at all, "one day, last Lent, that I
+was coming from mass. Spring was near a quarther ov a mile behind me,
+for the childher was delaying him wid bread and butther at the chapel
+door; when a lump ov a hare jumped out ov the plantations ov Grouse
+Lodge and ran acrass the road; so I gev the whilloo, and knowing that
+she'd take the rise ov the hill, I made over the ditch, and up through
+Mullaghcashel as hard as I could pelt, still keeping her in view, but
+afore I had gone a perch, Spring seen her, and away the two went like
+the wind, up Drumrewy, and down Clooneen, and over the river, widout his
+being able ons't to turn her. Well, I run on till I come to the
+Diffagher, and through it I went, for the wather was low and I didn't
+mind being wet shod, and out on the other side, where I got up on a
+ditch, and seen sich a coorse as I'll be bound to say was never seen
+afore or since. If Spring turned that hare ons't that day, he turned her
+fifty times, up and down, back and for'ard throughout and about. At last
+he run her right into the big quarryhole in Mullaghbawn, and when I went
+up to look for her fud, there I found him sthretched on his side, not
+able to stir a foot, and the hare lying about an inch afore his nose as
+dead as a door-nail, and divil a mark of a tooth upon her. Eh, Spring,
+isn't that thrue?" says he. Jist at that minit the clock sthruck twelve,
+and, before you could say thrap-sticks, Spring had the plateful of mate
+consaled. "Now," says his Riv'rence, "hand me over my pound, for I've
+won my bate fairly."
+
+"You'll excuse me," says the Pope, pocketing his money, "for we put the
+clock half an hour back, out ov compliment to your Riv'rence," says he,
+"and it was Sathurday morning afore he came up at all."
+
+"Well, it's no matther," says his Riv'rence, putting back his pound-note
+in his pocket-book, "only," says he, "it's hardly fair to expect a brute
+baste to be so well skilled in the science ov chronology."
+
+In troth his Riv'rence was badly used in the same bate, for he won it
+clever; and, indeed, I'm afeared the shabby way he was thrated had some
+effect in putting it into his mind to do what he did. "Will your
+Holiness take a blast ov the pipe?" says he, dhrawing out his dhudeen.
+
+"I never smoke," says the Pope, "but I haven't the least objection to
+the smell of the tobaccay."
+
+"Oh, you had betther take a dhraw," says his Riv'rence, "it'll relish
+the dhrink, that 'ud be too luscious entirely, widout something to
+flavour it."
+
+"I had thoughts," said the Pope, wid the laste sign ov a hiccup on him,
+"ov getting up a broiled bone for the same purpose."
+
+"Well," says his Riv'rence, "a broiled bone 'ud do no manner ov harm at
+this present time; but a smoke," says he, "'ud flavour both the devil
+and the dhrink."
+
+"What sort o' tobaccay is it that's in it?" says the Pope.
+
+"Raal nagur-head," says his Riv'rence; "a very mild and salubrious
+spacies of the philosophic weed."
+
+"Then, I don't care if I do take a dhraw," says the Pope. Then Father
+Tom held the coal himself till his Holiness had the pipe lit; and they
+sat widout saying anything worth mentioning for about five minutes.
+
+At last the Pope says to his Riv'rence, "I dunna what gev me this plaguy
+hiccup," says he. "Dhrink about," says he--"Begorra," he says, "I think
+I'm getting merrier nor's good for me. Sing us a song, your Riv'rence,"
+says he.
+
+Father Tom then sung him Monatagrenoge and the Bunch o' Rushes, and
+he was mighty well pleased wid both, keeping time wid his hands, and
+joining in in the choruses, when his hiccup 'ud let him. At last, my
+dear, he opens the lower buttons ov his waistcoat, and the top one of
+his waistband, and calls to Masther Anthony to lift up one ov the
+windys. "I dunna what's wrong wid me, at all at all," says he, "I'm
+mortial sick."
+
+"I thrust," says his Riv'rence, "the pasthry that you ate at dinner
+hasn't disagreed wid your Holiness's stomach."
+
+"Oh my! oh!" says the Pope, "what's this at all?" gasping for
+breath, and as pale as a sheet, wid a could swate bursting out
+over his forehead, and the palms ov his hands spread out to catch
+the air. "Oh my! oh my!" says he, "fetch me a basin!--Don't spake
+to me. Oh!--oh!--blood alive!--Oh, my head, my head, hould my
+head!--oh!--ubh!--I'm poisoned!--ach!"
+
+"It was them plaguy pasthries," says his Riv'rence. "Hould his head
+hard," says he, "and clap a wet cloth over his timples. If you could
+only thry another dhraw o' the pipe, your Holiness, it 'ud set you to
+rights in no time."
+
+"Carry me to bed," says the Pope, "and never let me see that wild Irish
+priest again. I'm poisoned by his manes--ubplsch!--ach!--ach!--He dined
+wid Cardinal Wayld yestherday," says he, "and he's bribed him to take me
+off. Send for a confissor," says he, "for my latther end's approaching.
+My head's like to split--so it is!--Oh my! oh my!--ubplsch!--ach!"
+
+Well, his Riv'rence never thought it worth his while to make him an
+answer; but, when he seen how ungratefully he was used, afther all his
+throuble in making the evening agreeable to the ould man, he called
+Spring, and put the but-end ov the second bottle into his pocket, and
+left the house widout once wishing "Good-night, an' plaisant dhrames to
+you;" and, in troth, not one of _them_ axed him to lave them a lock ov
+his hair.
+
+That's the story as I heard it tould; but myself doesn't b'lieve over
+one-half of it. Howandiver, when all's done, it's a shame, so it is,
+that he's not a bishop this blessed day and hour: for, next to the
+goiant of St Jarlath's, he's out and out the cleverest fellow ov the
+whole jing-bang.
+
+
+
+
+LA PETITE MADELAINE.
+
+BY MRS SOUTHEY.
+
+[_MAGA._ AUGUST 1831.]
+
+
+I was surprised the other day by a visit from a strange old lady,
+brought hither to be introduced to me, at her own request, by some
+friends of mine with whom she was staying in this neighbourhood. Having
+been, I was informed, intimately acquainted, in her early years, with a
+branch of my mother's family, to which she was distantly related, she
+had conceived a desire to see one of its latest descendants, and I was
+in consequence honoured with her visit. But if the honour done me was
+unquestionable, the motive to which I was indebted for it was not to be
+easily divined; for, truth to speak, little indication of good-will
+towards me, or of kindly feeling, was discernible in the salutation
+of my visitor, in her stiff and stately curtsy, her cold ceremonious
+expressions, and in the sharp and severe scrutiny of the keen grey eyes,
+with which she leisurely took note of me from head to foot.
+
+Mrs Ormond's appearance was that of a person far advanced in years;
+older than my mother would have been if still living; but her form, of
+uncommon height, gaunt, bony, and masculine, was firm and erect as in
+the vigour of life, and in perfect keeping with the hard-featured,
+deep-lined countenance, surmounted by a coiffure that, perched on the
+summit of a roll of grizzled hair, strained tight from the high and
+narrow forehead, was, with the rest of her attire, a facsimile of that
+of my great-aunt Barbara (peace be to her memory!) as depicted in a
+certain invaluable portrait of that virtuous gentlewoman, now deposited,
+for more inviolable security, in the warmest corner of the lumber-room.
+
+Though no believer in the influence of "the evil eye," there was
+something in the expression of the large, prominent, light grey orbs, so
+strangely fixed upon me, that had the effect of troubling me so far, as
+to impose a degree of embarrassment and restraint on my endeavours to
+play the courteous hostess, and very much to impede all my attempts at
+conversation.
+
+As the likeliest means of breaking down the barrier of formality, I
+introduced the subject most calculated, it might be supposed, to awaken
+feelings of mutual interest. I spoke of my maternal ancestry--of the
+Norman blood and Norman land from which the race had sprung, and of my
+inherited love for the birthplace of those nearest and dearest to me in
+the last departed generation; though the daughter of an English father,
+his country was my native, as well as my "Father-land."
+
+Mrs Ormond, though the widow of an English husband, spoke with a foreign
+accent so familiar to my ear, that, in spite of the sharp thin tones of
+the voice that uttered them, I could have fancied musical, had there
+been a gleam of kindness in her steady gaze. But I courted it in vain.
+The eyes of Freya were never fixed in more stony hardness on a rejected
+votary, than were those of my stern inspectress on my almost deprecating
+face; and her ungracious reserve baffled all my attempts at
+conversation.
+
+All she allowed to escape her, in reference to the Norman branches of
+our respective families, was a brief allusion to the intimacy which had
+subsisted between her mother and my maternal grandmother; and when I
+endeavoured from that slight clue to lead her farther into the family
+relations, my harmless pertinacity was rebuked by a shake of the head as
+portentous as Lord Burleigh's, accompanied by so grim a smile, and a
+look of such undefinable meaning, as put the finishing-stroke to my
+previous bewilderment, and prevented me from recalling to mind, as I
+should otherwise have done, certain circumstances associated with a
+proper name--that of her mother's family, which she spoke with peculiar
+emphasis--and having done so, and in so doing (as she seemed persuaded)
+"spoken daggers" to my conscience, she signified by a stately sign to
+the ladies who had accompanied her that she was ready to depart, and,
+the carriage being announced, forthwith arose, and honouring me with a
+farewell curtsy, as formal as that which had marked her introduction,
+sailed out of the apartment, if not with swan-like grace, with much of
+that sublimer majesty of motion with which a heron on a mud-bank stalks
+deliberately on, with head erect and close depending pinions. And as if
+subjugated by the strange influence of the sharp grey eyes, bent on me
+to the last with sinister expression, unconsciously I returned my grim
+visitor's parting salutation with so profound a curtsy, that my knees
+(all unaccustomed to such Richardsonian ceremony) had scarcely recovered
+from it, when the closing door shut out her stately figure, and it was
+not till the sound of carriage-wheels certified her final departure,
+that, recovering my own identity, I started from the statue-like posture
+in which I had remained standing after that unwonted genuflection, and
+sank back on the sofa to meditate at leisure on my strange morning
+adventure.
+
+My ungracious visitor had left me little cause, in truth, for pleasing
+meditation, so far as her gaunt self was immediately concerned, but a
+harsh strain, or an ungraceful object, will sometimes (as well as the
+sweetest and most beautiful) revive a long train of interesting
+associations, and the plea alleged for her introduction to me had been
+of itself sufficient to awaken a chord of memory, whose vibration ceased
+not at her departure. On the contrary, I fell forthwith into a dreaming
+mood, that led me back to recollections of old stories, of old
+times--such as I had loved to listen to in long-past days, from those
+who had since followed in their turn the elders of our race (whose
+faithful historians they were) to the dark and narrow house appointed
+for all living.
+
+Who that has ever been addicted to the idle, and I fear me profitless,
+speculation of waking dreams, but may call to mind how, when the spell
+was on him, as outward and tangible things (apparently the objects
+of intent gaze) faded on the eye of sense, the inward vision
+proportionately cleared and strengthened--and circumstances long
+unremembered--names long unspoken--histories and descriptions once
+attended to with deep interest, but long passed from recollection, are
+drawn forth, as it were, from the dark recesses of the mind, at first
+like wandering atoms confused and undefined, but gradually assuming
+distinctness and consistency, till the things _that be_ are to us the
+_unreal_ world, and we live and move again (all intervening space a
+blank) among the things that have been?
+
+Far back into that shadowy region did I wander, when left as described
+by "the grim white woman," to ponder over the few words she had
+vouchsafed to utter, and my own "thick-coming fancies." The one proper
+name she had pronounced--that of her mother's family--had struck on my
+ear like a familiar sound; yet--how could I have heard it? If ever, from
+one person only--from _my_ dear mother's lips--"De St Hilaire!"--again
+and again I slowly repeated to myself--and then--I scarce know how--the
+Christian name of Adrienne rose spontaneously to my lips; and no sooner
+were the two united than the spell of memory was complete, and fresh on
+my mind, as if I had heard it but yesterday, returned the whole history
+of Adrienne de St Hilaire.
+
+Adrienne de St Hilaire and Madelaine du Resnel were far-removed cousins;
+both "demoiselles de bonnes families," residing at contiguous chateaux,
+near a small hamlet not far from Caen, in Normandy; both well born and
+well connected, but very unequally endowed with the gifts of fortune.
+Mademoiselle de St Hilaire was the only child and heiress of wealthy
+parents, both of whom were still living. Madelaine du Resnel, the
+youngest of seven, left in tender infancy to the guardianship of a
+widowed mother, whose scanty dower (the small family estate devolving on
+her only son) would have been insufficient for the support of herself
+and her younger children (all daughters), had she not continued
+mistress of her son's house and establishment during his minority.
+
+"La petite Madelaine" (as, being the latest born, she was long called by
+her family and friends) opened her eyes upon this mortal scene but a
+week before her father was carried to his grave, and never was poor babe
+so coldly welcomed under circumstances that should have made her doubly
+an object of tenderness.
+
+"Petite malheureuse! je me serais bien passee de toi," was the maternal
+salutation, when her new-born daughter was first presented to Madame du
+Resnel--a cold-hearted, strong-minded woman, more absorbed in the change
+about to be operated in her own situation by her approaching widowhood,
+than by her impending bereavement of a most excellent and tender
+husband. But one precious legacy was in reserve for the forlorn infant.
+She was clasped to the heart of her dying father--his blessing was
+breathed over her, and his last tears fell on her innocent, unconscious
+face. "Mon enfant! tu ne connaitra jamais ton pere, mais il veillera sur
+toi," were the tender, emphatic words with which he resigned her to the
+arms of the old servant, who failed not to repeat them to her little
+charge when she was old enough to comprehend their affecting purport.
+And well and holily did la petite Madelaine treasure that saying in her
+heart of hearts; and early reason had the poor child to fly for comfort
+to that secret source. Madame du Resnel could not be accused of
+over-indulgence to any of her children--least of all to the poor little
+one whom she looked on from the first almost as an intruder; but she
+felt maternal pride in the resemblance already visible in her elder
+daughters to her own fine form and handsome features,--while la petite
+Madelaine, a small creature from her birth, though delicately and
+perfectly proportioned--fair and blue-eyed, and meek-looking as
+innocence itself, but without one feature in her face that could be
+called handsome, had the additional misfortune, when about five years
+old, to be marked--though not seamed--by the small-pox, from which cruel
+disease her life escaped almost miraculously.
+
+"Qu'elle est affreuse!" was the mother's tender exclamation at the first
+full view of her restored child's disfigured face. Those words, young as
+she was, went to the poor child's heart, that swelled so to bursting, it
+might have broken, (who knows?) but for her hoarded comfort: and she
+sobbed herself to sleep that night, over and over again repeating to
+herself, "Mon papa veille sur moi."
+
+If there be much truth in that poetical axiom,
+
+     "A favourite has no friend,"
+
+it is at least as frequently evident, that even in domestic circles the
+degree of favour shown by the head of the household to any individual
+member too often regulates the general tone of consideration; and that
+even among the urchins of the family, an instinctive perception is never
+wanting, of how far, and over whom, they may tyrannise with impunity.
+
+No creature in whose nature was a spark of human feeling could tyrannise
+over la petite Madelaine,--she was so gentle, so loving (when she dared
+show her love), so perfectly tractable and unoffending; but in the
+Chateau du Resnel no one could have passed two whole days without
+perceiving she was no favourite, except with one old servant--the same
+who had placed her in her dying father's arms, and recorded for her
+his last precious benediction--and with her little brother, who
+always vowed to those most in his confidence, and to Madelaine herself,
+when her tears flowed for some short, sharp sorrow, that when he
+was a man, "toutes ces demoiselles"--meaning his elder sisters and
+monitresses--should go and live away where they pleased, and leave
+him and la petite Madelaine to keep house together.
+
+Except from these two, any one would have observed that there were
+"shortcomings" towards her; "shortcomings" of tenderness from the
+superiors of the household--"shortcomings" of observances from the
+menials; anything was good enough for Madelaine--any time was time
+enough for Madelaine. She had to finish wearing out all her sisters' old
+frocks and wardrobes in general, to eat the crumb of the loaf they had
+pared the crust from, and to be satisfied with half a portion of soupe
+au lait, if they had chosen to take double allowance; and, blessedly for
+la petite Madelaine, it was her nature to be satisfied with everything
+not embittered by marked and intentional unkindness. It was her nature
+to sacrifice itself for others. Might that sacrifice have been repaid by
+a return of love, her little heart would have overflowed with happiness.
+As it was, she had not yet learnt to reason upon the want of sympathy;
+she felt without analysing. She was not harshly treated,--was seldom
+found fault with, though far more rarely commended,--was admitted to
+share in her sisters' sports, with the proviso that she had no choice in
+them,--old Jeannette and le petit frere Armand loved her dearly; so did
+Roland, her father's old faithful hound,--and on the whole, la petite
+Madelaine was a happy little girl.
+
+And happier she was, a thousand times happier, than her cousin
+Adrienne--than Adrienne de St Hilaire, the spoilt child of fortune and
+of her doting parents, who lived but in her and for her, exhausting all
+the ingenuity of love, and all the resources of wealth, in vain
+endeavours to perfect the felicity of their beautiful but heartless
+idol.
+
+The families of St Hilaire and Du Resnel were, as has been mentioned,
+distantly related, and the ties of kindred were strengthened by
+similarity of faith, both professing that of the Reformed Church, and
+living on that account very much within their own circle, though on
+terms of perfect good-will with the surrounding Catholic neighbourhood.
+Mlle. de St Hilaire might naturally have been expected to select among
+the elder of her cousins her companion and intimate, their ages nearly
+assimilating with her own; but, too cold-hearted to seek for sympathy,
+too proud to brook companionship on equal terms, and too selfish and
+indolent to sacrifice any caprice, or make any exertion for the sake of
+others, she found it most convenient to patronise la petite Madelaine,
+whose gentle spirit and sweet temper insured willing though not servile
+compliance with even the unreasonable fancies of all who were kind to
+her, and whose quickness of intellect and excellent capacity more than
+fitted her for companionship with Adrienne, though the latter was six
+years her senior. Besides all, there was the pleasure of patronage--not
+the least influential motive to a proud and mean spirit, or to the
+heart of a beauty, well-nigh satiated, if that were possible, by the
+contemplation of her own perfections. When la petite Madelaine was ten
+years old, and la belle Adrienne sixteen, it therefore happened that the
+former was much oftener to be found at Chateau St Hilaire than at le
+Manoir du Resnel; for whenever the parental efforts of Monsieur and
+Madame de St Hilaire failed (and they failed too often) to divert the
+ennui and satisfy the caprices of their spoiled darling, the latter was
+wont to exclaim, in the pettish tone of peevish impatience, "Faites donc
+venir la petite Madelaine!" and the innocent charmer was as eagerly
+sought out and welcomed by the harassed parents as ever David was sought
+for by the servants of Saul, to lay with the sweet breathings of his
+harp the evil spirit that possessed their unhappy master. Something
+similar was the influence of la petite Madelaine's nature over that of
+her beautiful cousin. No wonder that her presence could scarcely be
+dispensed with at Chateau St Hilaire. Had her own home been more a home
+of love, not all the blandishments of the kindest friends, not all the
+luxuries of a wealthy establishment, would ever have reconciled her to
+be so much separated from her nearest connections. But, alas! except
+when her services were required (and no sparing and light tasks were her
+assigned ones), she was but too welcome to bestow her companionship on
+others; and except Roland, and le petit frere, who was there to miss la
+petite Madelaine? And Roland was mostly her escort to St Hilaire; and on
+fine evenings, when le petit frere had escaped from his tutor and his
+sisters, Jeannette was easily persuaded to take him as far as the old
+mill, half-way between the chateaux, to meet her on her way home. Those
+were pleasant meetings. Madelaine loved often, in after-life, to talk of
+them with that dear brother, always her faithful friend. So time went
+on--Time, the traveller whose pace is so variously designated by various
+humours, is always the restless, the unpausing--till Mademoiselle de St
+Hilaire had attained the perfection of blooming womanhood--the glowing
+loveliness of her one-and-twentieth summer--and la petite Madelaine
+began to think people ought to treat her more like a woman--for was she
+not fifteen complete? Poor little Madelaine! thou hadst indeed arrived
+at that most womanly era. But, to look at that small slight form, still
+childishly attired in frock and sash, of the simplest form and
+homeliest materials--at that almost infantine face, that looked _more_
+youthful, and _almost_ beautiful, when it smiled, from the effect of
+a certain dimple in the left cheek (Adrienne always insisted it was a
+pock-mark);--to look at that form and face, and the babyish curls of
+light-brown hair that hung about it quite down the little throat, and
+lay clustering on the girlish neck--who could ever have thought of
+paying thee honour due as to the dignity of confirmed womanhood?
+
+So it was Madelaine's fate still to be "La petite Madelaine"--still
+nobody--that anomalous personage who plays so many parts in society,--as
+often to suit his own convenience as for that of others; and though
+people are apt to murmur at being forced into the character, many a one
+lives to assume it willingly--as one slips off a troublesome costume
+at a masque, to take shelter under a quiet domino. As for la petite
+Madelaine, who did not care very much about the matter, though it was a
+_little_ mortifying to be patted on the head, and called "bonne petite,"
+instead of "mademoiselle," as was her undoubted right, from strangers at
+least, it was better to be _somebody_ in one or two hearts (le petit
+frere et Jeannette) than in the mere _respects_ of a hundred indifferent
+people; and as for la belle cousine, Madelaine, though on excellent
+terms with her, never dreamed of her having a heart,--one cause,
+perhaps, of their mutual good understanding; for la petite Madelaine,
+actuated by instinctive perception, felt that it would be perfectly
+irrational to expect warmth of affection from one constituted so
+differently from herself; so she went on, satisfied with the
+consciousness of giving pleasure, and with such return as was made
+for it.
+
+But la petite Madelaine was soon to be invested with a most important
+office; one, however, that was by no means to supersede her character of
+Nobody, but, enigmatical as it may sound, to double her usefulness in
+that capacity--while, on private and particular occasions, she was to
+enact a _somebody_ of infinite consequence--that of confidante in a
+love affair--as la belle cousine was pleased to term her _liaison_ with
+a very handsome and elegant young officer, who, after some faint
+opposition on the part of her parents, was duly installed at St Hilaire
+as the accepted and acknowledged lover of its beautiful heiress. Walter
+Barnard (for he was of English birth and parentage), the youngest of
+three brothers, the elder of whom was a baronet, was most literally a
+soldier of fortune, his portion, at his father's death, amounting to no
+more than a pair of colours in a marching regiment--and the splendid
+income thereunto annexed. But high in health and hope, and "all the
+world before him where to choose"--of high principles--simple and
+unvitiated habits--the object of the love of many friends, and the
+esteem of all his brother officers--the young man was rather disposed to
+consider his lot in life as peculiarly fortunate, till the pressure of
+disease fell heavy on him, and he rose from a sick-bed which had held
+him captive many weeks, the victim of infectious fever, so debilitated
+in constitution as to be under the necessity of obtaining leave of
+absence from his regiment, for the purpose (peremptorily insisted on by
+his physician) of seeking the perfect change of air and scene which was
+essential to effect his restoration. He was especially enjoined to try
+the influence of another climate--that of France was promptly decided
+on--not only from the proximity of that country (a consideration of no
+small weight in the young soldier's prudential calculations), but
+because a brother officer was about to join a part of his family then
+resident at Caen in Normandy, and the pleasure of travelling with him
+settled the point of Walter's destination _so far_--and, as it fell out,
+even to that _other_ station in the route of life, only second in
+awfulness to the "bourne from whence no traveller returns." His English
+friends, who had been some years inhabitants of Caen, were acquainted
+with many French families in that town and its vicinity, and, among
+others, Walter was introduced by them at the Chateau de St Hilaire,
+where the Protestant English were always welcomed with marked
+hospitality. The still languishing health of the young soldier excited
+peculiar interest; he was invited to make frequent trials of the fine
+air of the chateau and its noble domain. A very few sufficed to convince
+him that it was far more salubrious than the confined atmosphere of
+Caen; and very soon the fortunate invalid was installed in all the
+rights and privileges of "L'Ami de la Maison."
+
+Circumstances having conducted our _dramatis personae_ to this point, how
+could it fall out otherwise than that the grateful Walter should fall
+desperately in love (which, by the by, he did at first sight) with la
+belle Adrienne, and that she should _determine_ to fall _obstinately_ in
+love with him! He, poor fellow! in pure simplicity of heart, really
+gazed himself into a devoted passion for the youthful beauty, without
+one interested view towards the charms of the heiress. But, besides
+thinking him the handsomest man she had ever seen, she was determined in
+her choice, by knowing it was in direct opposition to the wishes of her
+parents, who had long selected for her future husband a person so every
+way unexceptionable, that their fair daughter was very likely to have
+selected him for herself, had they not committed the fatal error of
+expressing their wishes with regard to him. There was PERSUASION and
+DISSUASION--mild opposition and systematic wilfulness--a few tears, got
+up with considerable effort--vapeurs and migraines in abundance--loss of
+appetite--hints about broken hearts--and the hearts of the tender
+parents could hold out no longer--Walter Barnard was received into the
+family as the future husband of its lovely daughter.
+
+All this time, what had become of la petite Madelaine? What does become
+of little girls just half-way through their teens, when associated,
+under similar circumstances, with young ladies who are women grown? Why,
+they are to be patient listeners to the lover's perfections when he is
+out of the way, and more patient companions (because perfectly unnoticed
+at such times) of the lovers' romantic walks; shivering associates (at
+discreet distance) of their tender communings on mossy banks, under
+willow and acacia, by pond-sides and brook-sides--by daylight, and
+twilight, and moonlight--at all seasons, and in all temperatures--so
+that by the time the pastoral concludes with matrimony, it may be
+accounted an especial mercy if the "mutual friend" is not crippled with
+the rheumatism for life, or brought into the first stage of a galloping
+consumption. No such fatal results were, however, in reserve for the
+termination of la petite Madelaine's official duties; and those, while
+in requisition, were made less irksome to her than they are in general
+to persons so circumstanced,--in part through the happy influence of her
+own sweet nature, which always apportioned to itself some share of the
+happiness it witnessed; in part through her long-acquired habits of
+patience and self-sacrifice; and, in part also, because Walter Barnard
+was an especial favourite with her--and little wonder that he was
+so--the gay and happy young man, devoted as he was to Adrienne in all
+the absorbing interest of a first successful passion, had yet many a
+kind word and beaming smile to spare for the poor little cousin, who
+often but for him would have sat quite unnoticed at her tent-stitch,
+even in the family circle; and when she was the convenient _tiers_ in
+the romantic rambles of himself and his lady-love, thanks to his
+unfailing good-nature, even then she did not feel herself utterly
+forgotten.
+
+For even in spite of discouraging looks from la belle Adrienne, of which
+in truth he was not quick to discern the meaning, he would often linger
+to address a few words to the silent little girl, who had been tutored
+too well to speak unspoken to, or even to walk quite within ear-shot of
+her _soi-disant_ companions. And when he had tenderly assisted Adrienne
+to pass over some stile or brooklet in their way, seldom it happened but
+that his hand was next at the service of Madelaine; and only those whose
+spirits have been long subdued by a sense of insignificance, impressed
+by the slighting regards or careless notice of cold friends or
+condescending patrons, can conceive the enthusiastic gratitude with
+which those trivial instances of kindness were treasured up in her
+heart's records. So it was, that la petite Madelaine, far from wearying
+of Walter's praises, when it pleased Adrienne to descant upon them in
+his absence, was apt to think her fair cousin did him scant justice, and
+that if she had been called on as his eulogist, oh! how far more
+eloquently could she speak! In short, la petite Madelaine, inexperienced
+as of course she was in such matters, saw with the acuteness of feeling,
+that Walter had obtained an interest only in the vanity and self-love,
+not in the heart of his fair mistress. "Poor Adrienne! she cannot help
+it, if she _has no_ heart," was Madelaine's sage soliloquy. "Mais quel
+dommage pour ce bon Walter, qui en a tant!"
+
+"Le bon Walter" might possibly have made the same discovery, had the
+unrestricted intercourse of the lovers been of long continuance; and he
+might have also ascertained another point, respecting which certain
+dubious glimmerings had begun at intervals to intrude themselves on his
+meditations _couleur de rose_,--was it possible that the moral and
+intellectual perfections of his idol _could_ be less than in perfect
+harmony with her outward loveliness? The doubt was sacrilegious,
+detestable, dismissed with generous indignation, but again and again
+some demon (or was it his _good_ genius?) recalled a startling frown, an
+incautious word or tone, a harsh or fretful expression from the eye and
+voice of his beloved, addressed to _la petite cousine_ or to himself,
+when in lightness of spirit, and frank-hearted kindness, he had laughed
+and talked with the latter, as with a young engaging sister. And
+then, except on one topic, his passion for la belle Adrienne, and her
+transcendent charms, of which, as yet, he was ever ready to pour out
+the heart's eloquent nonsense, somehow their conversations always
+languished. She had no eye for the natural beauties, of which he was
+an enthusiastic admirer; yawned or looked puzzled or impatient, when
+he stopped to gaze upon some glorious sunset, or violet-hued distance,
+melting into the roseate sky. And though she did not reject his
+offering of wild roses, or dewy honeysuckles, it was received with a
+half-contemptuous indifference, that invited no frequent renewal of the
+simple tribute; and from the date of a certain walk, when the lover's
+keen glance observed that the bunch of wild-flowers, carelessly dropt by
+Adrienne a few minutes after he had given them to her, was furtively
+picked up by la petite Madelaine as she followed in the narrow woodpath,
+and placed as furtively within the folds of her fichu--if Monsieur
+Walter, from that time forth, pulled a wild rose from the spray, or a
+violet from the bank, it was tendered with a smile to one whose _hand_
+at least was less careless than Adrienne's; and for her heart, that
+mattered not (farther than in brotherly kindness) to the _reputed_
+possessor of la belle St Hilaire's. Yet, in long after days, when silver
+threads began to streak the soft fair hair of Madelaine du Resnel,
+and the thick black clustering curls of Walter Barnard were more than
+sprinkled with the same paly hue, he found in turning over the leaves
+of an old French romance, in which her name was inscribed, the dried,
+faded, scentless forms of what had been a few sweet wild-flowers. On the
+margin of the page, to which time had glued them, was a date, and a few
+written words. And the sight of those frail memorials, associated with
+those age-tinted characters, must have awakened tender and touching
+recollections in his heart who gazed upon them; for a watery film
+suffused his eyes as he raised them from the volume, and turned with a
+half-pensive smile to one who sat beside him, quietly busied with her
+knitting needles in providing for his winter comfort.
+
+"Mais revenons a nos moutons." Our present business is with the young
+lover and his fair mistress, and the still younger Madelaine. Time will
+overtake them soon enough. We need not anticipate his work. The old
+inexorable brought to a conclusion Walter's leave of absence, just as
+certain discoveries to which we have alluded were beginning to break
+upon him; just as la belle Adrienne began to weary of playing at
+_parfait amour_, enacting the adorable to her lover, and the _aimable_
+to her cousin _in his presence_; just as Monsieur and Madame, her weak
+but worthy parents, were secretly praying for their future son-in-law's
+departure, in the forlorn hope (as they had stipulated that even _les
+fiancailles_ should not take place for a twelve-month to come) that some
+unexpected page might yet turn over in the chapter of accidents, whereon
+might be written the name of Jules Marquis d'Arval, instead of that of
+the landless, untitled Walter Barnard, for the husband of their
+beautiful heiress.
+
+Just at this critical juncture arrived the day of separation--of
+separation for a year certain! Will it be doubted that with the parting
+hour, rushed back upon Walter's heart a flood of tenderness, even more
+impassioned than that with which it had first pledged itself to the
+beautiful Adrienne? The enthusiasm of his nature, acting as a stimulus
+to her apathetic temperament, communicated to her farewell so much of
+the appearance of genuine feeling, that the young soldier returned to
+his country, and to his military duties, imbued with the blissful
+assurance that, whatever unworthy doubts had been suggested occasionally
+by fallacious appearances, the heart of his fair betrothed was as
+faultless as her person, and exclusively devoted to himself. So wholly
+had the "sweet sorrow" of that farewell absorbed his every faculty, that
+it was not till he was miles from St Hilaire on his way to the coast,
+that Walter remembered la petite Madelaine; remembered that he had
+bid HER no farewell; that she had slipt away to her own home the last
+evening of his stay at St Hilaire, unobserved by all but an old _bonne_,
+who was commissioned to say Mademoiselle Madelaine had a headache,
+and that she had not reappeared the next morning, the morning of his
+departure. "Dear little Madelaine! how could I forget her?" was the next
+thought to that which had recalled her. "But she shall live with us
+when we are married." So having laid the flattering unction to his
+conscience, by that satisfactory arrangement for her future comfort,
+he "whistled her image down the wind" again, and betook himself with
+redoubled ardour to the contemplation of Adrienne.
+
+And where was la petite Madelaine?--What became of her, and what
+was she doing that livelong day? Never was she so much wanted at St
+Hilaire--to console--to support--to occupy the "fair forsaken;" and
+yet she came not. "What insensibility--what ingratitude! at such a
+time!"--exclaimed the parents of the lovely desolate--so interesting
+in her becoming character of a lone bird "reft of its mutual heart,"
+so amiable in her attempted exculpation of the neglectful Madelaine!
+"She does not mean to be unkind--to be cruel--as her conduct
+_seems_"--_sweetly_ interposed the meek apologist.--"But she is
+thoughtless--_insouciante_--and you know, chere Maman! I always told
+you la petite Madelaine has no sensibility--Ah Ciel!"----That mine
+were less acute!--was, of course, the implied sense of that concluding
+apostrophe--and every one will feel the eloquence of the appeal, so
+infinitely more affecting than the full-length sentence would have been.
+If vagueness is one great source of the sublime--it is also a grand
+secret in the arcana of sensibility.
+
+But we may remember that poor little Madelaine had slipt away to her own
+home the preceding evening, pleading a headache as the excuse for her
+evasion. Perhaps the same cause--(was it headache?) holds her still
+captive in her little chamber, the topmost chamber in the western
+pepper-box turret, four of which flank the four corners of the old
+Chateau du Resnel. Certain it is, from that same lofty lodging
+Madelaine has not stirred the livelong day--scarcely from that same
+station;--
+
+     "There at her chamber window high,
+       The lonely maiden sits--
+     Its casement fronts the western sky,
+       And balmy air admits.
+
+     "And while her thoughts have wandered far
+       From all she hears and sees,
+     She gazes on the evening star,
+       That twinkles through the trees.--
+
+     "Is it to watch the setting sun,
+       She does that seat prefer?
+     Alas! the maiden thinks of one,
+       Who _little_ thinks of her."
+
+"Eternal fidelity"--being, of course, the first article agreed and sworn
+to in the lovers' parting covenant, "Constant correspondence," as
+naturally came second in the list, and never was eagerness like Walter's
+to pour out the first sorrows of absence in his first letter to the
+beloved, or impatience like his for the appearance of her answer. After
+some decorous delay----(a _little_ maiden coyness was thought decorous
+in those days)--it arrived, the delightful letter! Delightful it would
+have been to Walter, in that second effervescence of his first passion,
+had the penmanship of the fair writer been barely legible, and her
+epistolary talent not absolutely below the lowest degree of mediocrity.
+Walter (to say the truth) had felt certain involuntary misgivings on
+that subject. Himself not only an ardent admirer of nature, but an
+unaffected lover of elegant literature, he had been frequently mortified
+at Adrienne's apparent indifference to the one, and seeming distaste to
+the other. Of her style of writing he had found no opportunities of
+judging. Albums were not the fashion in those days--and although, on the
+few occasions of his absence from St Hilaire after his engagement with
+Adrienne (Caen being still his ostensible place of residence), he had
+not failed to indite to her sundry billets, and even full-length
+letters, dispatched (as on a business of life and death) by bribed and
+special messengers,--either Mlle. de St Hilaire was engaged or abroad
+when they arrived--or otherwise prevented from replying; and still more
+frequently the lover trod on the heels of his despatch. So it chanced
+that he had not carried away with him one hoarded treasure of the fair
+one's writing. And as to books--he had never detected the "dame de ses
+pensees" in the act of reading anything more intellectual than the words
+for a new Vaudeville, or a letter from her Paris milliner. He had more
+than once proposed to read aloud to her--but either she was seized
+with a fit of unconquerable yawning before he proceeded far in his
+attempt--or the migraine, or the vapours, to which distressing ailments
+she was constitutionally subject--were sure to come on at the
+unfortunate moment of his proposition--and thus, from a combination of
+untoward accidents, he was not only left in ignorance of his mistress's
+higher attainments, but at certain moments of disappointed feeling
+reduced to form conjectures on the subject, compared to which "ignorance
+was bliss;" and to some lingering doubts of the like nature, as well as
+to lover-like impatience, might be attributable the nervous trepidation
+with which he broke the seal of her first letter. That letter!--The
+first glimpse of its contents was a glimpse of Paradise!--The first
+hurried reading transported him to the seventh heaven--and the twentieth
+(of course, dispassionately critical) confirmed him in the fruition
+of its celestial beatitudes. Seriously speaking, Walter Barnard
+must have been a fool, as well as an ingrate, if he had not been
+pleased--enraptured with the sweet, modest, womanly feeling that
+breathed through every line of that dear letter. It was no long one--no
+laboured production--(though perfectly correct as to style and grammar);
+but the artless affection that evinced itself in more than one sentence
+of those two short pages, would have stamped perfection on the whole, in
+Walter's estimation, had it not (as was the case) been throughout
+characterised by a beautiful, yet singular simplicity of expression,
+which surprised not less than it enchanted him. And then--how he
+reproached himself for the mixed emotion!--Why should it surprise him
+that Adrienne wrote thus? His was the inconceivable dulness--the want
+of discernment--of intuitive penetration into the intellectual depths
+of a character, veiled from vulgar eyes by the retiringness of
+self-depreciating delicacy, but which to him would gradually have
+revealed itself, if he had applied himself sedulously to unravel the
+interesting mystery.
+
+Thenceforward, as may well be imagined, the correspondence, so happily
+commenced, was established on the most satisfactory footing, and nothing
+could exceed the delightful interest with which Walter studied the
+beautiful parts of a character, which gradually developed itself as
+their epistolary intercourse proceeded, now enchanting him by its
+peculiar naivete and innocent sportiveness, now affecting him more
+profoundly, and not less delightfully, by some tone of deep feeling and
+serious sweetness, so well in unison with all the better and higher
+feelings of his own nature, that it was with more than lover-like
+fervour he thanked Heaven for his prospects of happiness with the dear
+and amiable being, whose personal loveliness had now really sunk to a
+secondary rank in his estimation of her charms. A slight shade of the
+reserve which, in his personal intercourse with Adrienne, had kept him
+so unaccountably in the dark with respect to her true character, was
+still perceptible, even in her delightful letters, but only sufficiently
+to give a more piquant interest to their correspondence. It was evident
+that she hung back, as it were, to take from his letters the tone of her
+replies; that on any general subject, it was for him to take the lead,
+though, having done so, whether in allusion to books, or on any topic
+connected with taste or sentiment, she was ever modestly ready to take
+her part in the discussion, with simple good sense and unaffected
+feeling. It was almost unintentionally that he made a first allusion
+to some favourite book; and the letter, containing his remark, was
+despatched before he recollected that he had once been baffled in an
+attempt to enjoy it with Adrienne by the manner (more discouraging than
+indifference) with which she received his proposition, that they should
+read it together. He wished he had not touched upon the subject.
+Adrienne, excellent as was her capacity--spiritual as were her letters,
+might not love reading. He would, if possible, have recalled his letter.
+But its happy inadvertence was no longer matter of regret when the reply
+reached him. _That very book_--his favourite poet--was Adrienne's also!
+and more than one sweet passage she quoted from it! _His favourite_
+passages also! Was ever sympathy so miraculous! And that the dear
+diffident creature should so unaccountably have avoided, when they were
+together, all subjects that might lead to the discovery!
+
+The literary pretensions of the young soldier were by no means those
+of profound scholarship, of deep reading, or even of a very regular
+education; but his tastes were decidedly intellectual, and the charm
+of his intercourse with Adrienne was in no slight degree enhanced by
+the discovery that, on all subjects with which they were mutually
+acquainted, she was fully competent to enter with equal interest.
+
+Absence and lengthened separation are generally allowed to be great
+tests of love, or, more properly speaking, of its truth. In Walter's
+case, they hardly acted as such, for distance had proved to him but a
+_lunette d'approche_, bringing him acquainted with those rare qualities
+in his fair mistress which had been imperceptible during their personal
+intercourse. With what impatience, knowing her as he now did, did he
+anticipate the hour of their union! But it was with something like a
+feeling of disappointment that he remarked in her letters a degree of
+uneasiness on that tender subject, to which (as the period of separation
+drew nearer to a close) he was fain to allude more frequently and
+fondly. One other shade of alloy had crossed at intervals his pleasure
+in their correspondence. Many kind inquiries had he made for la petite
+Madelaine, and many affectionate messages had he sent her. But they were
+either wholly unnoticed, or answered in phrase the most formal and
+laconic,--
+
+"Mlle. du Resnel was well, obliged to Monsieur Walter for his polite
+inquiries.--Desired her compliments."
+
+It was in vain that Walter ventured a half-sportive message in
+reply to this ceremonious return for his frank and affectionate
+remembrances--that, in playful mockery, he requested Adrienne to obtain
+for him "_Mademoiselle du Resnel's_ forgiveness for his temerity in
+still designating her by the familiar title of _La Petite Madelaine_."
+The reply was, if possible, more brief and chilling--so unlike (he could
+not but remark) to that he might reasonably have expected from his
+grateful and warm-hearted little friend, that a strange surmise, or
+rather a revived suspicion, suggested itself as the possible solution
+of his conjectures. But was it possible--(Walter's face flushed as
+bethought of his own _possible_ absurdity in so suspecting)--was
+it in the nature of things--that Adrienne, the peerless, the lovely
+and beloved, should conceive one jealous thought of the poor little
+Madelaine? The supposition was almost too ridiculous to be harboured for
+a moment--and yet _he_ remembered certain passages in their personal
+intercourse, when the strangeness (to use no harsher word) of Adrienne's
+behaviour to her cousin, had awakened in him an indefinite consciousness
+that his good-humoured notice of the poor little girl, and the kind word
+he was ever prompt to speak in her praise when she was absent, were
+likely to be anything but advantageous to her in their effect on the
+feelings of her patroness. One circumstance, in particular, recurred to
+him,--the recollection of a certain _jour de fete_, when la petite
+Madelaine (who had been dancing at a village gala, kept annually at the
+Manoir du Resnel in honour of Madame's name-day) presented herself,
+late in the evening, at St Hilaire, so blooming from the effects of
+her recent exhilarating exercise--her meek eyes so bright with the
+excitement of innocent gaiety, and her small delicate figure and
+youthful face set off so advantageously by her simple holiday dress,
+especially by her hat, _a la bergere_, garlanded with wild roses, that
+even the old people, M. and Mad. de St Hilaire, complimented her on her
+appearance, and himself (after whispering aside to Adrienne, "La Petite
+est jolie a ravir,") had sprung forward, and whirled her round the salon
+in a _tour de danse_, the effect of which impromptu was assuredly not
+to lessen the bloom upon her cheeks, which flushed over neck and brow,
+as, with the laughing familiarity of a brother, he commended her tasteful
+dress, and especially the pretty hat, which she must wear, and that
+only, he assured her, when she wished to be perfectly irresistible.
+Walter's sportive sally was soon over, and Madelaine's flush of beauty
+(the magical effect of happiness) soon faded. Both yielded to the
+influence of another spell--that wrought by the coldly discouraging
+looks of Adrienne, and by the asperity of the few sentences, which were
+all she condescended to utter during the remainder of the evening. When
+la petite Madelaine reappeared the next morning with her cousin (who,
+on the plea of a migraine, remained till late in her own apartments),
+Walter failed not to remark that her eyes were red and heavy, and that
+her manner was more constrained than usual; neither did it escape his
+observation when Sunday arrived, that the tasteful little hat had been
+strangely metamorphosed, and that when he rallied her on her capricious
+love of changes, which had only spoiled what was before so becoming,
+she stole a half-fearful glance at Adrienne, while rather confusedly
+replying that "it was not her _own_ doing, but that Ma'amselle Justine,
+her cousin's femme-de-chambre, had been permitted by the latter to
+arrange it more fashionably." The subject dropped then, and was never
+resumed; but Walter _then_ made his own comments on it. And now that
+the peculiar tone of Adrienne's letters in referring to Madelaine brought
+former circumstances vividly to mind, it is not surprising that he fell
+into a fit of musing on the _possibility_, which he yet rebuked himself
+for suspecting. It must be confessed that his reflections on the subject
+were of a less displeasing nature than those which had suggested
+themselves on former occasions, before epistolary correspondence with
+his fair betrothed had given him that insight into her character and
+feelings which, strange to say, he had failed to obtain during their
+personal communication. Now he felt assured, that if indeed she were
+susceptible of the weakness he had dared to suspect, it was mingled with
+no unkindly feelings towards her unoffending cousin, but sprang solely
+from the peculiar sensitiveness of her nature, and the exclusive
+delicacy of her affection for himself.
+
+Where ever was the lover--(we say not the husband)--who could dwell but
+with tenderest indulgence on an infirmity of love so flattering to his
+own self-love and self-complacency? We suspect that Walter's fervour was
+anything but cooled by the fancied discovery; and his doubts on the
+subject, if he still harboured any, were wholly dispelled by a
+postscript to Adrienne's next letter, almost amounting, singular as was
+the construction, to an avowal of her own weakness.
+
+In the three fair pages of close writing of which that letter consisted,
+was vouchsafed no word of reply to an interrogatory--the last, he
+secretly resolved, he would ever venture on that subject--whether his
+"little cousin Madelaine," as he had sometimes sportively called her by
+anticipation, had quite forgotten her friend Walter. But on one of the
+outside folds, evidently an after-thought, written hurriedly, and, as it
+seemed, with a trembling hand, was the following postscript:--
+
+"La Petite Madelaine se souvient toujours du bon Walter--Comment
+ferait-elle autrement?
+
+"Mais, cependant, qu'il ne soit plus question d'elle dans les lettres de
+Mons. Walter."
+
+"A most strange fancy! an unaccountable caprice of this dear
+Adrienne's!" was Walter's smiling soliloquy. "Some day she shall laugh
+at it with me--but for the present and for ever, be the dear one's will
+my law." Thenceforth "il n'etait plus question de la Petite Madelaine"
+in Walter's letters, and in those of Adrienne she was never more alluded
+to.
+
+Mademoiselle de St Hilaire's mind was about this time engrossed by far
+more important personages than her absent lover, or her youthful friend.
+The present occupants, herself (no _new_ one truly), and a certain
+Marquis d'Arval, who would probably have been her first choice, if he
+had not been the selected of her parents. Not that she had by any means
+decided on the rupture of her engagement with Walter (if indeed such a
+contingency had ever formed the subject of her private musings);
+neither, at any rate, would she have dissolved it, till his return
+should compel her to a decision. For his letters were too agreeable, too
+spiritual--too full of that sweet incense that never satiated her
+vanity, to be voluntarily relinquished.
+
+But in the mean time, the correspondence, piquant as it was--a charming
+_passe-temps_!--could not be expected to engross her wholly. Many vacant
+hours still hung upon her hands, wonderful to say, in spite of those
+intellectual and elegant pursuits, the late discovery of which had so
+enraptured the unsophisticated Walter. Who so proper as the Marquis
+d'Arval, then on a visit at the Chateau,--her cousin too--besides being
+the especial favourite of her parents--(dutiful Adrienne!)--to be the
+confidential friend of la belle _delaissee_?--to be in fact the
+substitute of the absent lover, in all those _petits soins_ that so
+agreeably divert the ennui of a fine lady's life, and for which the most
+sentimental correspondence can furnish no equivalent? In the article of
+_petits soins_ indeed (the phrase is perfectly untranslatable), the
+merits of d'Arval were decidedly superior to those of his English
+competitor, whose English feelings and education certainly disqualified
+him for evincing that peculiar tact and nicety of judgment in all
+matters relating to female decoration and occupation, so essential in
+the _cavalier servente_ of a French beauty. Though an excellent French
+scholar, Walter never could compass the nomenclature of shades and
+colours, so familiar and expressive to French tongues and tastes. He
+blundered perpetually between "rose tendre," and "rose foncee;" and was
+quite at fault if referred to as arbitrator between the respective
+merits of "Boue de Paris," or "Crapeau mort d'amour."
+
+Achilles, in his female weeds, was never more awkward at his task than
+poor Walter, when appointed, by especial favour, to the office of
+arranging the ribbon collar, or combing the silken mane and ruffled paws
+of Silvie, Adrienne's little _chien lion_. And though ready enough (as
+we have seen) to importune his mistress with worthless offerings of
+paltry wild-flowers, it never entered his simple fancy to present her
+with small, compact bouquets, sentimentally and scientifically combined
+(the pensee never omitted, if in season), the stems wound together with
+silk of appropriate hue, or wrapped round with a motto, or well-turned
+couplet. In these, and all accomplishments of a similar nature, Walter
+Barnard's genius was immeasurably distanced by that of the Marquis
+d'Arval.
+
+The latter was also peculiarly interesting in his character of a
+despairing lover; and his attentions were particularly well-timed, at a
+season when the absence of the happy lover had made a vacuum in the life
+(of course not the _heart_) of Adrienne, who on her part was actuated by
+motives of pure humanity in consoling d'Arval (as far as circumstances
+permitted) for the success of his rival, by proofs of her warmest
+friendship and tenderest commiseration.
+
+Since the Marquis's arrival at St Hilaire, his universal genius had in
+great measure superseded la petite Madelaine in her office of exorcist
+to the demon of ennui, her fair cousin's relentless persecutor. She was
+therefore less frequently, or rather less constantly, at the
+Chateau--though still summoned to secret conference in Adrienne's
+boudoir, and often detained there for hours by consultations or
+occupations of that private and confidential nature, so interesting to
+the generality of young ladies who have lovers in their hearts or heads,
+though the details might be insipid to the general reader, if it were
+even allowable to reveal mysteries little less sacred than the
+Eleusinian.
+
+It might have been inferred, however, that la petite Madelaine was but
+an unwilling sharer of those secret conferences; for she often retired
+from them with looks of more grave and even careful expression, than
+were well in character with the youthful countenance, and an air of
+dejection that ill suited the recent listener to a happy love-tale. And
+when her services (whatever were their nature) were no longer required,
+Adrienne evinced no inclination to detain her at St Hilaire.
+
+She was still, however, politely and even kindly welcomed by the owners
+of the Chateau; but when no longer necessary to the contentment of their
+idolised daughter, the absence or presence of la petite Madelaine became
+to them a matter of the utmost indifference, and by degrees she became
+painfully sensible that there is a wide difference in being accounted
+_nobody_ with respect to our individual consequence, or in relation to
+our capabilities for contributing, however humbly, to the comfort and
+happiness of others. To the first species of insignificance Madelaine
+had been early accustomed, and easily reconciled; but the second pressed
+heavily on her young heart--and perhaps the more so, at St Hilaire, for
+the perpetually recurring thoughts of a time still recent--("the happy
+time," as that poor girl accounted it in her scant experience of
+happiness)--when she had a friend there who, however his heart was
+devoted to her cousin, had never missed an occasion of showing kindness
+to herself, and of evincing to her, by those attentions which pass
+unnoticed when accepted as a due, but are so precious to persons
+situated as was la petite Madelaine, that to him at least her pains and
+pleasures, her tastes, her feelings, and her welfare, were by no means
+indifferent or unimportant. The dew of kindness never falls on any soil
+so grateful as the young heart unaccustomed to its genial influence.
+After-benefits, more weighty and important, fail not in noble natures to
+inspire commensurate gratitude--but they cannot call forth that burst of
+enthusiastic feeling, awakened by the first experienced kindness, like
+the sudden verdure of a dry seed-bed called into life and luxuriance by
+the first warm shower of spring.
+
+La petite Madelaine's natural home was at no time, as has been observed,
+a very happy one to her. And now that it was more her home than for some
+years it had been, time had wrought no favourable change in her
+circumstances there. Time had not infused more tenderness towards her
+into the maternal feelings of Madame du Resnel--though it had worked its
+usual effect of increasing the worldliness, and hardening the hardness,
+of her nature. Time had not dulcified the tempers of the three elder
+Mademoiselles du Resnel, by providing with husbands the two cadettes
+between them and Madelaine. And time had cruelly curtailed the few home
+joys of the poor Madelaine, by sending le petit frere to college, and by
+delivering up to his great receiver, Death--her only other friend--the
+faithful and affectionate Jeannette. Of the few that had once loved her
+in her father's house, only the old dog was left to welcome her more
+permanent abode there; and one would have thought he was sensible of the
+added responsibilities death and absence had devolved upon him.
+Forsaking his long-accustomed place on the sunny pavement of the south
+stone courtyard, he established himself at the door of the salon if she
+was within it, himself not being privileged to enter there--or with his
+young mistress in her own little turret-chamber, where he had all
+_entrees_--or even to her favourite arbour in the garden he contrived to
+creep with her, though his old limbs were too feeble to accompany her
+beyond that short distance. And when they were alone together, he would
+look up in her face with such a "human meaning" in his dim eyes, as
+spoke to Madelaine's heart, as plainly and more affectingly than words
+could have spoken--"I only am left to love my master's daughter, and who
+but she cares for old Roland?"
+
+In the mean time, Walter's year of probation was fast drawing to a
+close; and his return to St Hilaire, and all thereon depending, was
+looked forward to with very different feelings by himself (the happy
+expectant!) by the inhabitants of the Chateau, and by its still
+occasional inmate, the little Maiden of the Manoir, whose meditations on
+the subject were not the less frequent and profound, because to her it
+was obviously one of little personal interest. Monsieur and Madame de St
+Hilaire had watched with intense anxiety the fancied progress of the
+Marquis d'Arval in supplanting the absent Walter in the affections of
+their daughter. But experience had taught them that the surest means of
+effecting their wishes was to refrain from expressing them to the
+dutiful Adrienne. So they looked on, and kept silence, with hopes that
+became fainter as the decisive period approached, and they observed that
+the lovers' correspondence was unslackened, and the Marquis made no
+interesting communication to them of that success on his part which, he
+was well aware, they would receive as most gratifying intelligence. On
+the contrary, he found it necessary, about this time, to make a journey
+to Paris, and to his estates in Languedoc; but as he still seemed
+devoted to Adrienne, and his devotions were evidently accepted with the
+sweetest complacency, the bewildered parents still cherished a belief
+that the young people mutually understood each other--that d'Arval's
+temporary absence had been concerted between them, from motives of
+prudence and delicacy with respect to Walter, and that when the latter
+arrived, their daughter would either require him to release her from her
+rash engagement, or empower them to acquaint him with her change of
+sentiments.
+
+Nothing could be farther from truth, however, than this fancied
+arrangement of the worthy elders. Whatever were d'Arval's ultimate
+views and hopes, he had contented himself during his visit with
+playing the favourite lover _pro tempore_. Perhaps he was too
+honourable to take further advantage of his rival's absence--perhaps
+too delicate, too romantic, to owe his mistress's hand to any but her
+cool after-decision, unbiassed by his fascinating presence. In short,
+whatever was the reason, he was _au desespoir--accable!--aneanti!_
+But he departed, leaving la belle Adrienne very much in doubt whether
+his departure was desirable or otherwise. It certainly demolished a
+pretty little airy fabric she had amused herself with constructing
+at odd idle moments of tender reverie; such as a meeting of the
+rivals--jealousy--reproaches--an interesting dilemma--desperation on one
+side (she had not settled which)--rapture on the other--defiance to
+mortal combat--bloodshed, perhaps. But these feelings drew a veil over
+the imaginary picture, and passed on to the sweet anticipation of
+rewarding the survivor. If the marring of so ingenious a fancy sketch
+were somewhat vexatious, on the other hand it would be agreeable enough
+to be quite at liberty (for a time at least), after Walter's return, to
+resume her former relations with him. And as to the result, whatever was
+_his_ impatience, that might still be delayed, and the Marquis would
+return. She was sure of him, if after all she should decide in his
+favour; and then, who could tell--the fancy sketch might be completed at
+last. La petite Madelaine was not of course made the depositary of her
+fair cousin's private cogitations; but she had her own, as has been
+observed, and she saw, and thought, and drew her inferences--devoutly
+hated Le Marquis d'Arval--could not love her cousin--and pitied--Oh! how
+she pitied le bon Walter!
+
+Le bon Walter, whose term of banishment was now within three weeks of
+expiration, would have accounted himself the most enviable of mortals,
+but for his almost ungovernable impatience at the tedious interval which
+was yet to separate him from his beloved; and for a slight shade of
+disquietude at certain rumours respecting a certain Marquis d'Arval,
+which had reached him through the medium of the friend (the chaplain of
+his regiment), whose visit to his family established at Caen had been
+the means of inducing Walter to accompany him thither, little dreaming,
+while quietly acquiescing in his friend's arrangements, to what
+conclusions (so momentous for himself) they were unwittingly tending.
+The brother and sister-in-law of Mr Seldon (the clerical friend alluded
+to) were still resident at Caen, and acquainted, though not on terms of
+intimacy, with the families of St Hilaire and Du Resnel. La petite
+Madelaine was, however, better known to them than any other individual
+of the two households. They had been at first kindly interested for her,
+by observing the degree of unmerited slight to which she was subjected
+in her own family, and the species of half dependence on the capricious
+kindness of others to which it had been the means of reducing her. The
+subdued but not servile spirit with which she submitted to undeserved
+neglect and innumerable mortifications, interested them still more
+warmly in her favour; and on the few occasions when they obtained
+permission for her to visit them at Caen, the innocent playfulness of
+her sweet and gentle nature shone out so engagingly in the sunshine
+of encouragement, and her affectionate gratitude evinced itself so
+artlessly, that they felt they could have loved her tenderly, had she
+been at liberty to give them as much of her society as she was inclined
+to do. But heartlessness and jealousy are not incompatible, and Mlle. de
+St Hilaire was jealous of everything she condescended to patronise.
+Besides, la petite Madelaine had been too useful to her in various ways
+to be dispensed with; and when, latterly, the capricious beauty became
+indifferent, or rather averse to her continuance at the Chateau beyond
+the stated period of secret service in the mysterious boudoir, Madelaine
+was well content to escape to her own unkindly home; and, strange
+to say, better satisfied with the loneliness of her own little
+turret-chamber, or the dumb companionship of poor Roland, and with the
+drudgery of household needlework (always her portion at home), than even
+in the society of her amiable friends at Caen, to which she might then
+have resorted more unrestrainedly. But though they saw her seldom, the
+depression of her spirits and her altered looks passed not unnoticed
+by them. And although she uttered no complaint of her cousin, it was
+evident that at St Hilaire she was no longer treated even with the
+fitful kindness and scant consideration which was all she had ever
+experienced. These remarks led naturally, on the part of the Seldons, to
+close observance of the conduct of Mlle. de St Hilaire with the Marquis
+d'Arval--a subject to which common report had already drawn their
+attention, and which, as affecting the welfare of their friend Walter
+Barnard, could not be indifferent to them. They saw and heard and
+ascertained enough to convince them that his honest affections and
+generous confidence were unworthily bestowed, and that a breach of
+faith the most dishonourable was likely to prove the ultimate reward of
+his high-raised expectations. So satisfied, they felt it a point of
+conscience to communicate to him, through the medium of his friend (and
+in the way and to the extent judged advisable by the latter), such
+information as might, in some degree, prepare him for the shock they
+anticipated, or at least stimulate him to sharp investigation. The
+office devolved upon Mr Seldon was by no means an enviable one; but he
+was too sincerely Walter's friend to shrink from it, and by cautious
+degrees he communicated to him that information which had cast the first
+shade over his love-dream of speedy reunion with the object of his
+affections.
+
+It was well for the continuance of their friendship that Mr Seldon,
+in his communication to Walter, had not only proceeded with infinite
+caution, but had armed himself with coolness and forbearance in the
+requisite degree, for the young man's impetuous nature flamed out
+indignantly at the first insinuation against the truth of his beloved.
+And when, at last--after angry interruptions, and wrathful sallies
+innumerable--he had been made acquainted with the circumstances which,
+in the opinion of his friends, warranted suspicions so unfavourable to
+her, he professed utter astonishment, not unmixed with resentment, at
+their supposing his confidence in Adrienne could be for one moment
+shaken by appearances or misrepresentations, which had so unworthily
+imposed on their own judgment and candour.
+
+After the first burst of irritation, however, Walter professed his
+entire conviction of, and gratitude for, the good intentions of his
+friends; but requested of Seldon that the subject, which he dismissed
+from his own mind as perfectly unworthy of a second thought, should not
+be revived in their discussions; and Seldon, conscientiously satisfied
+with having done as much as discretion warranted in the discharge of his
+delicate commission, gladly assented to the proposition.
+
+But in such cases it is easier to disbelieve than to forget; and it
+is among the countless perversenesses of the human mind, to retain
+most tenaciously, and recur most pertinaciously to, that which the
+will professes most peremptorily to dismiss. Walter's disbelief was
+spontaneous and sincere. So was his immediate protest against ever
+recurring, even in thought, to a subject so contemptible. But, like the
+little black box that haunted the merchant Abudah, it lodged itself,
+spite of all opposition, in a corner of his memory, from which not all
+his efforts could expel it at all times; though the most successful
+exorcism (the never-failing _pro tempore_) was a reperusal of those
+precious letters, in every one of which he found evidence of the lovely
+writer's ingenuousness and truth, worthy to outweigh, in her lover's
+heart, a world's witness against her. But from the hour of Seldon's
+communication, Walter's impatience to be at St Hilaire became so
+ungovernable, that finding his friend (Mr ---- was again to be the
+companion of his journey) not unwilling to accompany him immediately, he
+obtained the necessary furlough, although it yet wanted nearly three
+weeks of the prescribed year's expiration; and although he had just
+despatched a letter to the lady of his love, full of anticipation,
+relating only to that period, he was on his way to the place of
+embarkation before that letter had reached French ground, and arrived
+at Caen (though travelling, to accommodate his friend, by a circuitous
+route) but a few days after its reception at St Hilaire.
+
+The travellers reached their place of destination so early in the day,
+that, after a friendly greeting with Mr and Mrs Charles Seldon (though
+not without a degree of embarrassment on either side, from recollection
+of a certain proscribed topic), Walter excused himself from partaking
+their late dinner, and with a beating heart (in which, truth to tell,
+some undefinable fear mingled with delightful expectation) took his
+impatient way along the well-remembered footpaths that led through
+pleasant fields and orchards, by a short cut, to the Chateau de St
+Hilaire. He stopped for a moment at the old mill, near the entrance-gate
+of the domain, to exchange a friendly greeting with the miller's wife,
+who was standing at her door, and dropt him a curtsy of recognition. The
+mill belonged to the Manoir du Resnel, and its respectable rentiers
+were, he knew, humble friends of la petite Madelaine; so, in common
+kindness, he could do no otherwise than linger a moment, to make
+inquiries for _her_ welfare, and that of her fair cousin, and their
+respective families. It may be supposed that Walter's latent motive for
+so general, as well as particular an inquiry, was to gain from the reply
+something like a glance at the Carte du Pays he was about to enter--not
+without a degree of nervous trepidation, with the causelessness of which
+he reproached himself in vain, though he had resisted the temptation
+of putting one question to the Seldons, who might have drawn from it
+inferences of misgivings on his part, the existence of which he was far
+from acknowledging even to his own heart.
+
+"Mademoiselle Madelaine was at the Chateau that evening," the dame
+informed him--"and there was no other company, for M. le Marquis left
+it for Paris three days ago."--Walter drew breath more freely at
+_that_ article of intelligence.--"Some people had thought M. le Marquis
+would carry off Mademoiselle after all"--(Walter bit his lip);--"but
+now Monsieur was returned, doubtless"--and a look and simper of
+vast knowingness supplied the conclusion of the sentence. "Au
+reste--Mademoiselle was well, and as beautiful as ever; but for 'cette
+chere petite,' [meaning la petite Madelaine],--she was sadly changed of
+late, though she did not complain of illness--_she never_ complained,
+though everybody knew her home was none of the happiest, and (for what
+cause the good dame knew not) she was not so much as formerly at St
+Hilaire."
+
+Walter was really concerned at the bonne femme's account of his little
+friend, but at that moment he could spare but a passing thought to any
+subject save one; and having gleaned all the intelligence he was likely
+to obtain respecting it, he cut short the colloquy with a hasty "Bon
+soir," and bounded on his way with such impetuous speed, that the
+entrance-gate of St Hilaire was still vibrating with the swing with
+which it had closed behind him, when he was half through the avenue, and
+just at one of its side openings into a little grove, or labyrinth, in
+which was a building, called Le Pavillon de Diane. He stopped to gaze
+for a moment at the gleam of its white walls, discernible through an
+opening in the thicket, for the sight was associated with many "blissful
+memories." But the present _was all_ to him, and again he was starting
+onward, when his steps were arrested by sounds that mingled with the
+cooing of the wood-pigeon among "the umbrageous multitude of leaves."
+
+Other sounds were none at that stillest hour of the still sultry
+evening; and among the mingled tones, Walter's ear caught some not to be
+mistaken, for the voice that uttered them was that of Adrienne. Its
+breathings were, however, in a higher and less mellifluous key than
+those of the plaintive bird; but a third voice, sweeter than either,
+uttered a low undertone, and _that_ voice was the voice of Madelaine.
+Quick was the ear of Walter to recognise and distinguish those familiar
+accents, but its sense of melody yielded _of course_ to the fond
+prejudice, which could not have been expected to find harshness in the
+tones of his mistress, or allow superior sweetness to those of another
+voice. Whatever were his secret thoughts on that head, it is not to be
+supposed that at such a moment he stopped to compare the "wood-notes
+wild," as coolly and critically as if he were weighing the merits of a
+pair of opera-singers. No--after a second of attention--not half a one
+of doubt--he sprang aside from the road leading to the mansion, and was
+lightly and swiftly threading the tortuous woodpath, and could now
+discern, through one of its bowery archways, the sparkling of the little
+fountain that played before one of the three entrances to the pavilion,
+and another turn of the sylvan puzzle would have brought him to the
+spot; but in his impatience he lost the well-known clue, and in a moment
+found himself at the back, instead of the front of the small temple.
+The corner would have been rounded at three steps; but at that
+critical moment, a word spoken by the most vehement of the fair
+colloquists--spoken at the highest key of a voice, whose powers Walter
+was now for the first time fully aware of--arrested his steps as by art
+magic. His own name was uttered, associated with words of such strange
+import, that Walter's astonishment, overpowering his reflective
+faculties, made him excusable in remaining, as he did, rooted to the
+spot, a listener to what passed within.
+
+That strange colloquy consisted, on one side, of taunts, and
+accusations, and menaces. On the other, of a few deprecating words--a
+sigh or two--and something like a suppressed sob--and lastly, of an
+assurance, uttered with a trembling voice, that the speaker "never had
+harboured the slightest thought of betraying the secret she was privy
+to, or entertained any hope less humble than to be permitted to stay
+unnoticed and unremembered in her own home"----where she "would be
+equally uncared for," was probably her heart's muttered conclusion, for
+the word _home_ trembled on her tongue, and she burst into an agony
+of tears.
+
+Neither the gentle appeal, nor the gush of distressful feeling in which
+it terminated, seemed to touch the heartless person it was addressed to,
+for there was no softening in the voice with which, as she quitted the
+pavilion, she issued her commands, that on her return some half-hour
+hence, "the letter should be finished, and not more stupidly than
+usual, or it would be _a refaire_." And so departed the imperious
+task-mistress, and as her steps died away, and the angry rustling of her
+robes, the tinkling of the little fountain was again heard chiming with
+the stock-doves' murmurs, and within the temple all was profoundly
+still, except at intervals a smothered sob, and then a deep and
+heart-relieving sigh, the last audible token of subsiding passion. And
+Walter was still rooted, spell-bound--immovable in the same spot. Lost
+in a confusion of thoughts, that left him scarcely conscious of his own
+identity, of the reality of the scene around him, or of the strange
+circumstances in which he found himself so suddenly involved--more than
+a few moments it required to restore to him the power of clear
+perception and comprehension, but not one, when that was regained, to
+decide on the course he should pursue.
+
+Quickly and lightly he stepped round the angle of the building to the
+side entrance (like the two others, an open archway), through which his
+eye glanced over the whole interior, till it rested on the one living
+object of interest. At some little distance, with her back towards him,
+sat la petite Madelaine, one elbow resting on the table before her, her
+head disconsolately bowed on the supporting hand, which half concealed
+her face; the other, with a pen held nervously by the small fingers, lay
+idle beside the half-finished letter outspread before her. Once she
+languidly raised her head and looked upon it, with a seeming effort
+dipped her pen in the ink, and held it a moment suspended over the line
+to be filled up. But the task seemed too painful to her, and with a
+heavy sigh she suffered her head to drop aside into its former position,
+and her hand, still loosely holding the inactive pen, to fall listlessly
+upon the paper. During this short pantomime, Walter had stolen
+noiselessly across the matted floor, to the back of Madelaine's chair,
+and knowing _all he now knew_, felt no conscientious scruple about the
+propriety of reading over her shoulder the contents of the unfinished
+letter. They were but what he was prepared to see, and yet his trance of
+amazement was for a moment renewed by ocular demonstration to the truth
+of what had been hitherto revealed to one of his senses only. The letter
+was to himself--the reply to his last, addressed to Mlle. de St
+Hilaire--the continuation of that delightful series he had for the last
+twelve-month nearly been in the blissful habit of receiving from his
+adored Adrienne. Here was the same autograph--the same tournure de
+phrase--the same tone of thought and feeling (though less lively and
+unembarrassed than in her earlier letters)--and yet the hand that
+traced, the mind that guided, and the heart that dictated, were the hand
+and mind and heart of Madelaine du Resnel!
+
+"Madelaine! dear Madelaine!" were the first whispered words by which
+Walter ventured to make his presence known to her. But low as was the
+whisper--gentle as were the accents--a thunder-clap could not have
+produced an effect more electric. Starting from her seat with a half
+shriek, she would have fallen to the ground from excess of agitation and
+surprise, but for Walter's supporting arm, and it required a world of
+soothing and affectionate gentleness to restore her to any degree of
+self-possession. Her first impulse, on regaining it, was the honourable
+one of endeavouring to remove from Walter's observation the letter that
+had been designed for his perusal under circumstances so different; but
+quietly laying his hand upon the outspread paper, as she turned to
+snatch it from the table, with the other arm he gently drew her from it
+to himself, and with a smile in which there was more of tender than
+bitter feeling, said--"It is too late, Madelaine--I know all--who could
+have thought you such a little impostor!" Poor little Madelaine! never
+was mortal maiden so utterly confounded, so bewildered as she, by the
+detection, and by her own hurried and almost unintelligible attempts to
+deprecate what, in the simplicity of her heart, she fancied must be the
+high indignation of Walter at _her_ share of the imposition so long
+practised on him.
+
+Whether it was that, in the course of her agitated pleading, she spied
+relenting in the eyes to which hers were raised so imploringly, or a
+_something_ even more encouraging in their expression, or in the
+pressure of the hands which clasped hers, upraised in the vehemence of
+supplication, certain it is that she stopped short in the middle of a
+sentence--with a tear in her eye and a blush on her cheek, and something
+like a dawning smile on the lip that still quivered with emotion, and
+that "Le bon Walter" magnanimously illustrated by his conduct the
+hackneyed maxim, that
+
+     "Forgiveness to the injured doth belong,"--
+
+and that plenary absolution, and perfect reconciliation, _were_ granted
+and effected, may be fairly inferred from the testimony of the miller's
+wife, who, still lingering at the threshold when the grey twilight was
+brightening into cloudless moonlight, spied Walter and Madelaine
+advancing slowly down the dark chestnut avenue, so intent in earnest
+conversation (doubtless on grave and weighty matters), that they passed
+through the gate, and by the door where she stood, without once looking
+to the right or left, or, in consequence, observing their old friend as
+she stept forward to exchange the evening salutation. The same deponent,
+moreover, testified, that (from no motive of curiosity, but motherly
+concern for the safety of Madelaine, should Walter, striking off into
+the road to Caen, leave her at that late hour to pursue her solitary
+way through the Manoir) she took heed to their further progress, and
+ascertained, to her entire satisfaction, that so far from unknightly
+desertion of his fair charge, Walter (seemingly inclined to protect his
+guardianship to the last possible moment) accompanied her through her
+home domain till quite within sight of the Chateau, and even there
+lingered so long in his farewell, that it might have tired out the
+patience of the miller's wife, if the supper-bell had not sounded from
+the mansion, and broken short as kind a leave-taking as ever preceded
+the separation of dearest friends.
+
+It must be quite needless to say, that Walter Barnard appeared not that
+night at the Chateau de St Hilaire, where his return to Normandy was of
+course equally unknown with his late visit to the pavilion. Great was
+the wrath of the lovely Adrienne, when, on her return thither, soon
+after the expiration of the time she had allotted for the performance of
+Madelaine's task, she found _la place vide_--that the daring impertinent
+had not only taken the liberty of departing undismissed (doubtless in
+resentment of fancied wrongs), but had taken with her the letter that
+was to have been finished in readiness for the postman's call that
+evening on his way to Caen. The contretemps was absolutely too much for
+the sensitive nerves of la belle Adrienne, agitated as they had been
+during the day by a communication made to her parents, and through them
+"to his adorable cousin," by the Marquis d'Arval, that his contract of
+marriage with a rich and beautiful heiress of his own province was on
+the point of signature.
+
+"Le perfide!" was the smothered ejaculation of his fair friend on
+receiving this gratifying intelligence from her dejected parents, thus
+compelled to relinquish their last feeble hope of seeing their darling
+united to the husband of their choice. To the darling herself the new
+return of Walter became suddenly an object of tender interest. Nothing
+could be so natural as her immediate anxiety to express this impatience
+in a reply to his last letter, and nothing could be more natural than
+that she should fall into a paroxysm of nervous irritation at the
+frustration of this amiable design, by the daring desertion of her
+charge-d'affaires. But she was too proud to send for her, or to her: it
+would look like acknowledgment of error. She would "die first," and "the
+little impertinent would return of her own accord, humble enough, no
+doubt, and she _should_ be humbled." But for the next two days nothing
+was heard or seen of "the little impertinent" at the Chateau de St
+Hilaire. On the third, still no sign of her repentance, by reappearance,
+word, or token. On the fourth, Adrienne's resolution could hold out
+against her necessities no longer, and she was on the point of going
+herself in quest of the guilty Madelaine, when she learned the
+astounding tidings that Walter had been five days returned to Caen, and
+on that very morning when the news first reached her,----
+
+But Walter's proceedings must be briefly related more veraciously than
+by the blundering tongue of common rumour, which reported them to
+Adrienne. He had returned to Caen, and to the hospitable home of his
+English friends, to whose ear, of course, he confided his tale of
+disappointed hopes. But, as it should seem by the mirthful bearing of
+the small party assembled that night round the supper-table after his
+affecting disclosure, not only had it failed in exciting sympathy for
+the abused lover, but he himself, by some unaccountable caprice, was, to
+all appearance, the happiest of the social group.
+
+Grave matters, as well as trivial, were, however, debated that night
+round the supper-table of the English party; and of the four assembled,
+as neither had attained the coolness and experience of twenty-six
+complete summers, and two of the four (the married pair) had forfeited
+all pretensions to worldly wisdom by a romantic love-match, it is not
+much to be wondered at that Prudence was scarcely admitted to a share in
+the consultation, and that she was unanimously outvoted in conclusion.
+
+The cabinet council sat till past midnight, yet Walter Barnard was awake
+next morning, and "stirring with the lark," and brushing the dew-drops
+from the wild-brier sprays, as he bounded by them through the fields,
+on his way to----_not_ St Hilaire.
+
+Again in the gloaming he was espied by the miller's wife, threading the
+same path to the same trysting-place--for that it _was_ a trysting-place
+she had ocular demonstration--and again the next day matins and vespers
+were as duly said by the same parties in the same oratory, and Dame
+Simonne was privy to the same, and yet she had not whispered her
+knowledge even to the reeds. How much longer the unnatural retention
+might have continued, would have been a curious metaphysical question,
+had not circumstances, interfering with the ends of science, hurried on
+an "unforeseen conclusion."
+
+On the third morning the usual tryst was kept at the accustomed place,
+at an earlier hour than on the preceding days; but shorter parley
+sufficed on this occasion, for the two who met there with no cold
+greeting, turned together into the pleasant path, so lately traced on
+his way from the town with beating heart, by one who retraced his
+footsteps even more eagerly, with the timid companion, who went
+consentingly, but not self-excused.
+
+Sharp and anxious was the watch kept by the miller's wife for the return
+of the pair, whose absence for the next two hours she was at no loss to
+account for; but they tarried beyond that period, and Dame Simonne was
+growing fidgety at their non-appearance, when she caught sight of their
+advancing figures, at the same moment that the gate of the Manoir swung
+open, and forth issued the stately forms of Madame and Mesdemoiselles du
+Resnel!
+
+Dame Simonne's senses were well-nigh confounded at the sight, and well
+they might, for well she knew what one so unusual portended--and there
+was no time--not a moment--not a possibility to warn the early
+pedestrians who were approaching, so securely unconscious of the
+impending crisis. They were to have parted as before at the Manoir
+gate--to have parted for many months of separation--one to return to
+England, the other to her nearer home, till such time as----. But the
+whole prudential project was in a moment overset. The last winding of
+the path was turned, and the advancing parties stood confronted! For a
+moment, mute, motionless as statues--a smile of malicious triumph on the
+countenances of Mesdemoiselles du Resnel--on that of their dignified
+mother, a stern expression of concentrated wrath, inexorable,
+implacable. But her speech was even more calm and deliberate than usual,
+as she requested to know what business of importance had led the young
+lady so far from her home at that early hour, and to what fortunate
+chance she was indebted for the escort of Monsieur Barnard? The _grand
+secret_ might still have been kept. Walter was about to speak--he
+scarce knew what--perhaps to divulge _in part_--for to tell all
+prematurely was ruin to them both. But before he could articulate a
+word, Madame du Resnel repeated her interrogatory in a tone of more
+peremptory sternness, and la petite Madelaine, trembling at this sound,
+quailing under the cold and searching gaze that accompanied it, and all
+unused to the arts of deception and prevarication, sank on her knees
+where she had stopped at some distance from her incensed parent, and
+faltered out with uplifted hands,--"Mais--mais, maman! je viens de me
+marier!"
+
+The truth was told--the full, the simple truth--and no sooner told than
+Walter's better nature rejoiced at the disclosure, rejoiced at its
+release from the debasing shackles imposed by worldly considerations,
+and grateful to the young ingenuous creature whose impulsive honesty had
+saved them both from perseverance in the dangerous paths of deception,
+even at the cost of those important advantages which might have resulted
+from a temporary concealment of their union. Tenderly raising and
+supporting her he was now free to call his own in the sight of men and
+angels, he drew her gently towards the incensed parent, the expected
+storm of whose just wrath he prepared himself to meet respectfully, and
+to deprecate with all due humility. But the preparation proved perfectly
+unnecessary. Madame du Resnel, whose rigidity of feature had relaxed
+into no change of line or muscle indicative of surprise or emotion
+at her daughter's abrupt confession, now listened with equally
+imperturbable composure to Walter's rather hurried and confused attempts
+at excusing what was, in the strict sense, inexcusable; and to his frank
+and manly professions of attachment to her daughter, and of his desire,
+if he might be received as a son by that daughter's mother, to prove, by
+every act of his future life, his sense of such generous forgiveness.
+Having heard him to the end, with the most exemplary patience and
+faultless good-breeding, Madame du Resnel begged to assure Monsieur
+Barnard, that, "so far from assuming to herself any right of censure
+over him or his actions, past, present, or to come, she begged leave to
+assure him she was incapable of such impertinent interference; and that,
+with regard to the lady who had ceased to be her daughter on becoming
+the wife of Monsieur Barnard, she resigned from that moment all claims
+on the duty she had violated, and all control over her future actions.
+Les effets appartenant a Mademoiselle Madelaine du Resnel--[poor little
+Madelaine, few and little worth were thy worldly goods!]--should be
+ready for delivery to any authorised claimant." "Au reste"--Madame du
+Resnel had the honour to felicitate Monsieur and Madame Barnard on their
+auspicious union, and to wish them a very good morning--an adieu sans
+au revoir--with which tender conclusion she dropped a profound and
+dignified curtsy, and with her attendant daughters (who dutifully
+followed the maternal example) passed through the gate of the Manoir,
+and closed it after her, with no violence, but a deliberate firmness,
+that spoke to those without more convincingly than words could have
+expressed it--"Henceforward, and for ever, this barrier is closed
+against you."
+
+That moment was one of bitterness to the new-made wife--to the discarded
+daughter; and, for a time, all the feelings that had led to her
+violation of filial duty--all the excuses she had framed to herself
+for breaking its sacred obligations--all the "shortcomings" of love she
+had been subjected to in her own home--and all--ay, even all the love,
+passing speech, which had bound up her life with Walter Barnard's--all
+was forgotten--merged in one absorbing agony of distress, at the sudden
+and violent wrench-asunder of Nature's first and holiest ties. She clung
+to the side-post of the old gate that opened to her paternal domain--to
+the house of her fathers. She kissed the bars that excluded her for
+ever. Was it for ever? A gleam of hope brightened in her streaming
+eyes--"Her dear Armand! Le petit frere would return to the Manoir, and
+_he_ would never shut its gates against poor Madelaine."
+
+Her husband availed himself of the auspicious moment; he encouraged her
+hopes, and she listened with the eager simplicity of a child; he spoke
+words of comfort, and she was comforted; of love, and she forgot her
+fault and her remorse--her home--her friends--the world--and everything
+in it but himself.
+
+Three days from that ever-memorable morning, la petite Madelaine stood
+with her husband upon English ground, but for him, a stranger in a
+strange land--the portionless bride of a poor subaltern. For though she
+had brought with her all the "effets" which, through Madame's special
+indulgence, she had been permitted to remove from her own little
+turret-chamber, they helped but poorly towards the future menage,
+consisting only of her scanty wardrobe, a few books (her most precious
+property), a little embroidered purse, containing a louis-d'or, sundry
+old silver coins, and pieces de dix sous, a bonbonniere full of dragees,
+a birthday present from le petit frere, a gold etui, the gift of her
+grandmother, and a pair of silver sugar-tongs, the bequest of old
+Jeannette. To this splendid inventory she was, however, graciously
+allowed to annex the transfer of honest Roland, her father's ancient
+servitor, who, as if endowed with rational comprehension, made shift to
+leap into the cart which conveyed to Caen the poor possessions of his
+master's daughter, and came crouching to her feet, with looks and
+actions needing no interpretation to speak intelligibly--"Mistress!
+lead on, and I will follow thee."
+
+The married pair were indeed embarked together on a rough sea, with
+little provision for the voyage, to which they had been in a manner
+prematurely driven; but, by the blessing of Providence, they weathered
+out its storms, now sheltering for a season in some calm and friendly
+haven, and anon compelled (but with recruited courage) to renew their
+conflict with the winds and waves. But throughout, their hearts were
+strong, for they were faithfully united; and that devoted affection for
+her husband, which had saved the heart of Madelaine from breaking in its
+first and sharpest agony (the sharpest, because mingled with remorse),
+was the continued support and sweetener of her after-life, through a lot
+of infinite vicissitude.
+
+If haply I have evinced some partiality to poor little Madelaine, even
+in the detail of her unsanctioned nuptials, accuse me not, reader, of
+making light of the sin of filial disobedience. I have told you that
+_she judged herself_;--let you and I do likewise, and abstain from
+passing sentence on others. But if your Christian charity, righteous
+reader! is so rigidly exacting as to require punishment as well as
+penitence, be comforted even on that score, and lay the assurance to
+your feeling heart, that la petite Madelaine _had_ her full share of
+worldly troubles; the last and crowning one of all, that she was doomed
+to be, by some years, the survivor of the husband of her youth--the
+friend and companion of her life--the prop and staff of her declining
+days.
+
+But she was not long an outcast from her own people and her early home.
+"Le petit frere" found means, soon after the attainment of his majority,
+and the full rights and titles it conferred on him, as lord of himself
+and the Manoir du Resnel, to prevail on his lady-mother (who still
+remained mistress of the establishment) to receive, on the footing of
+occasional guests, her long-banished child, with her English husband.
+From that time, Monsieur du Resnel proved himself, on all occasions, the
+affectionate brother and unfailing friend of Walter and Madelaine; and
+the good understanding then established between themselves and Madame du
+Resnel was never interrupted, though jealousies among the elder sisters
+were always at work to undermine it by innumerable petty artifices.
+Madame was not their dupe, however. Nature had formed her with a cold
+heart, but a strong understanding. She felt and knew that the respect
+and attention invariably shown towards her by Madelaine and her husband,
+were the fruits of right principle and kindly disposition, unswayed by
+any interested consideration, and that her other daughters were actuated
+by the sordid view of appropriating to themselves exclusively, at her
+decease, the small hoard she might have accumulated in the long course
+of her rigid and undeviating economy. As the burden of years pressed
+more heavily upon her, she became more and more sensible of the worth
+and tenderness of her once-slighted Madelaine; and when circumstances
+made it expedient that she should remove from her son's roof, she took
+up her last lodging among the living under that of the dutiful child,
+whose widowed sorrows were soothed by her tender performance of the
+sacred duty which had thus unexpectedly devolved upon her.
+
+When the mother and daughter were reunited under circumstances so
+affecting, the latter had almost numbered the threescore years, so near
+the age of man; and the former, with all her mental faculties in their
+full vigour, and retaining her bodily strength and all her senses to an
+extraordinary degree, was on the verge of fourscore years and five. But
+the tender and unremitting cares of her filial guardian were blessed for
+three years longer in their pious aim,--
+
+     "T' explore the wish--explain the asking eye,
+     And keep awhile one parent from the sky."
+
+Then the full of days was summoned to depart, and _I_--yes--_I_ remember
+well the last scene of her long pilgrimage, though a little child when
+present at it, and carried in my nurse's arms to the chamber of death.
+_My_ mother was there also, for she was the granddaughter of that aged
+dying woman--the daughter of Walter Barnard and Madelaine du Resnel. And
+so it came to pass that la petite Madelaine was my own dear grandmother,
+and that the fact was (I suppose) written on my forehead, for the future
+investigation of that "grim white woman," the daughter of Adrienne de St
+Hilaire, who, impelled by curiosity, and armed with hereditary hate,
+dismayed me by that mysterious visit, which, opening up the forgotten
+sources of old traditional memories, gave rise to my after daydream and
+to this long story.
+
+
+
+
+BOB BURKE'S DUEL WITH ENSIGN BRADY.
+
+BY THE LATE WILLIAM MAGINN, LL.D.
+
+[_MAGA_. MAY 1834.]
+
+
+CHAPTER I.
+
+HOW BOB WAS IN LOVE WITH MISS THEODOSIA MACNAMARA.
+
+"When the 48th were quartered in Mallow, I was there on a visit to one
+of the Purcells, who abound in that part of the world, and, being some
+sixteen or seventeen years younger than I am now, thought I might as
+well fall in love with Miss Theodosia Macnamara. She was a fine grown
+girl, full of flesh and blood, rose five foot nine at least when shod,
+had many excellent points, and stepped out slappingly upon her pasterns.
+She was somewhat of a roarer, it must be admitted, for you could hear
+her from one end of the Walk to the other; and I am told, that as she
+has grown somewhat aged, she shows symptoms of vice, but I knew nothing
+of the latter, and did not mind the former, because I never had a fancy
+for your mimini-pimini young ladies, with their mouths squeezed into
+the shape and dimensions of a needle's eye. I always suspect such
+damsels as having a very portentous design against mankind in general.
+
+"She was at Mallow for the sake of the Spa, it being understood that she
+was consumptive--though I'll answer for it, her lungs were not touched;
+and I never saw any signs of consumption about her, except at meal
+times, when her consumption was undoubtedly great. However, her mother,
+a very nice middle-aged woman--she was of the O'Regans of the West, and
+a perfect lady in her manners, with a very remarkable red nose, which
+she attributed to a cold which had settled in that part, and which cold
+she was always endeavouring to cure with various balsamic preparations
+taken inwardly,--maintained that her poor chicken, as she called her,
+was very delicate, and required the air and water of Mallow to cure her.
+Theodosia (she was so named after some of the Limerick family), or, as
+we generally called her, Dosy, was rather of a sanguine complexion, with
+hair that might be styled auburn, but which usually received another
+name. Her nose was turned up, as they say was that of Cleopatra; and her
+mouth, which was never idle, being always employed in eating, drinking,
+shouting, or laughing, was of considerable dimensions. Her eyes were
+piercers, with a slight tendency to a cast; and her complexion was equal
+to a footman's plush breeches, or the first tinge of the bloom of
+morning bursting through a summer-cloud, or what else verse-making men
+are fond of saying. I remember a young man who was in love with her
+writing a song about her, in which there was one or other of the similes
+above mentioned, I forget which. The verses were said to be very clever,
+as no doubt they were; but I do not recollect them, never being able
+to remember poetry. Dosy's mother used to say that it was a hectic
+flush--if so, it was a very permanent flush, for it never left her
+cheeks for a moment, and had it not belonged to a young lady in a
+galloping consumption, would have done honour to a dairymaid.
+
+"Pardon these details, gentlemen," said Bob Burke, sighing, "but one
+always thinks of the first loves. Tom Moore says that 'there's nothing
+half so sweet in life as young love's dram;' and talking of that, if
+there's anything left in the brandy-bottle, hand it over to me. Here's
+to the days gone by; they will never come again. Dear Dosy, you and I
+had some fun together. I see her now with her red hair escaping from
+under her hat, in a pea-green habit, a stiff-cutting whip in her hand,
+licking it into Tom the Devil, a black horse, that would have carried a
+sixteen stoner over a six-foot wall, following Will Wrixon's hounds at
+the rate of fifteen miles an hour, and singing out, 'Go it, my trumps.'
+These are the recollections that bring tears in a man's eyes."
+
+There were none visible in Bob's, but as he here finished his dram, it
+is perhaps a convenient opportunity for concluding a chapter.
+
+
+CHAPTER II.
+
+ HOW ENSIGN BRADY WENT TO DRINK TEA WITH MISS
+ THEODOSIA MACNAMARA.
+
+"The day of that hunt was the very day that led to my duel with Brady.
+He was a long, straddling, waddle-mouthed chap, who had no more
+notion of riding a hunt than a rhinoceros. He was mounted on a
+showy-enough-looking mare, which had been nerved by Bodolphus Bootiman,
+the horse-doctor, and though 'a good 'un to look at, was a rum 'un to
+go;' and before she was nerved, all the work had been taken out of her
+by long Lanty Philpot, who sold her to Brady after dinner for fifty
+pounds, she being not worth twenty in her best day, and Brady giving his
+bill at three months for the fifty. My friend the ensign was no judge of
+a horse, and the event showed that my cousin Lanty was no judge of a
+bill--not a cross of the fifty having been paid from that day to this;
+and it is out of the question now, it being long past the statute of
+limitations, to say nothing of Brady having since twice taken the
+benefit of the Act. So both parties jockeyed one another, having that
+pleasure which must do them instead of profit.
+
+"She was a bay chestnut, and nothing would do Brady but he must run her
+at a little gap which Miss Dosy was going to clear, in order to show his
+gallantry and agility; and certainly I must do him the credit to say
+that he did get his mare _on_ the gap, which was no small feat, but
+there she broke down, and off went Brady, neck and crop, into as fine a
+pool of stagnant green mud as you would ever wish to see. He was ducked
+regularly in it, and he came out, if not in the jacket, yet in the
+colours, of the Rifle Brigade, looking rueful enough at his misfortune,
+as you may suppose. But he had not much time to think of the figure he
+cut, for before he could well get up, who should come right slap over
+him but Miss Dosy herself upon Tom the Devil, having cleared the gap
+and a yard beyond the pool in fine style. Brady ducked, and escaped
+the horse, a little fresh daubing being of less consequence than the
+knocking out of his brains, if he had any; but he did not escape a smart
+rap from a stone which one of Tom's heels flung back with such unlucky
+accuracy as to hit Brady right in the mouth, knocking out one of his
+eye-teeth (which, I do not recollect). Brady clapped his hand to his
+mouth, and bawled, as any man might do in such a case, so loud, that
+Miss Dosy checked Tom for a minute to turn round, and there she saw him
+making the most horrid faces in the world, his mouth streaming blood,
+and himself painted green from head to foot with as pretty a coat of
+shining slime as was to be found in the province of Munster. 'That's the
+gentleman you just leapt over, Miss Dosy,' said I, for I had joined her,
+'and he seems to be in some confusion.' 'I am sorry,' said she, 'Bob,
+that I should have in any way offended him or any other gentleman, by
+leaping over him, but I can't wait now. Take him my compliments, and
+tell him I should be happy to see him at tea at six o'clock this
+evening, in a different suit.' Off she went, and I rode back with her
+message (by which means I was thrown out); and would you believe it,
+he had the ill manners to say 'the h----;' but I shall not repeat what
+he said. It was impolite to the last degree, not to say profane, but
+perhaps he may be somewhat excused under his peculiar circumstances.
+There is no knowing what even Job himself might have said, immediately
+after having been thrown off his horse into a green pool, with his
+eye-tooth knocked out, his mouth full of mud and blood, on being asked
+to a tea-party.
+
+"He--Brady, not Job--went, nevertheless--for, on our return to Miss
+Dosy's lodgings, we found a triangular note, beautifully perfumed,
+expressing his gratitude for her kind invitation, and telling her not
+to think of the slight accident which had occurred. How it happened, he
+added, he could not conceive, his mare never having broken down with him
+before--which was true enough, as that was the first day he ever mounted
+her--and she having been bought by himself at a sale of the Earl of
+Darlington's horses last year, for two hundred guineas. She was a great
+favourite, he went on to say, with the Earl, who often rode her, and ran
+at Doncaster by the name of Miss Russell. All this latter part of the
+note was not quite so true, but then, it must be admitted, that when we
+talk about horses we are not tied down to be exact to a letter. If we
+were, God help Tattersall's!
+
+"To tea, accordingly, the ensign came at six, wiped clean, and in a
+different set-out altogether from what he appeared in on emerging from
+the ditch. He was, to make use of a phrase introduced from the ancient
+Latin into the modern Greek, togged up in the most approved style of his
+Majesty's 48th foot. Bright was the scarlet of his coat--deep the blue
+of his facings."
+
+"I beg your pardon," said Antony Harrison, here interrupting the
+speaker; "the 48th are not royals, and you ought to know that no
+regiment but those which are royal sport blue facings. I remember,
+once upon a time, in a coffee-shop, detecting a very smart fellow,
+who wrote some clever things in a Magazine published in Edinburgh by one
+Blackwood, under the character of a military man, not to be anything of
+the kind, by his talking about ensigns in the fusiliers--all the world
+knowing that in the fusiliers there are no ensigns, but in their place
+second lieutenants. Let me set you right there, Bob; the facings your
+friend Brady exhibited to the wondering gaze of the Mallow tea-table
+must have been buff--pale buff."
+
+"Buff, black, blue, brown, yellow, Pompadour, brick-dust, no matter what
+they were," continued Burke, in nowise pleased by the interruption,
+"they were as bright as they could be made, and so was all the lace, and
+other traps which I shall not specify more minutely, as I am in presence
+of so sharp a critic. He was, in fact, in full dress--as you know is
+done in country quarters--and being not a bad plan and elevation of a
+man, looked well enough. Miss Dosy, I perceived, had not been perfectly
+ignorant of the rank and condition of the gentleman over whom she had
+leaped, for she was dressed in her purple satin body and white skirt,
+which she always put on when she wished to be irresistible, and her
+hair was suffered to flow in long ringlets down her fair neck--and, by
+Jupiter, it was fair as a swan's, and as majestic too--and no mistake.
+Yes! Dosy Macnamara looked divine that evening.
+
+"Never mind! Tea was brought in by Mary Keefe, and it was just as all
+other _teas_ have been and will be. Do not, however, confound it with
+the wafer-sliced and hot-watered abominations which are inflicted,
+perhaps justly, on the wretched individuals who are guilty of haunting
+_soirees_ and _conversaziones_ in this good and bad city of London. The
+tea was congou or souchong, or some other of these Chinese affairs, for
+anything I know to the contrary; for, having dined at the house, I was
+mixing my fifth tumbler when tea was brought in, and Mrs Macnamara
+begged me not to disturb myself; and she being a lady for whom I had a
+great respect, I complied with her desire; but there was a potato-cake,
+an inch thick and two feet in diameter, which Mrs Macnamara informed me
+in a whisper was made by Dosy after the hunt.
+
+"'Poor chicken,' she said, 'if she had the strength, she has the
+willingness; but she is so delicate. If you saw her handling the
+potatoes to-day.'
+
+"'Madam,' said I, looking tender, and putting my hand on my heart, 'I
+wish I was a potato!'
+
+
+CHAPTER III.
+
+ HOW ENSIGN BRADY ASTONISHED THE NATIVES AT MISS
+ THEODOSIA MACNAMARA'S.
+
+"I thought this was an uncommonly pathetic wish, after the manner of the
+Persian poet Hafiz, but it was scarcely out of my mouth, when Ensign
+Brady, taking a cup of tea from Miss Dosy's hand, looking upon me with
+an air of infinite condescension, declared that I must be the happiest
+of men, as my wish was granted before it was made. I was preparing to
+answer, but Miss Dosy laughed so loud that I had not time, and my only
+resource was to swallow what I had just made. The ensign followed up his
+victory without mercy.
+
+"'Talking of potatoes, Miss Theodosia,' said he, looking at me, 'puts me
+in mind of truffles. Do you know this most exquisite cake of yours much
+resembles a _gateau aux truffes_? By Gad! how Colonel Thornton, Sir
+Harry Millicent, Lord Mortgageshire, and that desperate fellow, the
+Honourable and Reverend Dick Sellenger, and I, used to tuck in truffles
+when we were quartered in Paris. Mortgageshire--an uncommon droll
+fellow; I used to call his Lordship Morty--he called me Brad--we were on
+such terms; and we used to live together in the Rue de la Paix, that
+beautiful street close by the Place Vendome, where there's the pillar.
+You have been at Paris, Miss Macnamara?' asked the ensign, filling his
+mouth with a half-pound bite of the potato-cake at the same moment.
+
+"Dosy confessed that she had never travelled into any foreign parts
+except the kingdom of Kerry; and on the same question being repeated to
+me, I was obliged to admit that I was in a similar predicament. Brady
+was triumphant.
+
+"'It is a loss to any man,' said he, 'not to have been in Paris. I know
+that city well, and so I ought; but I did many naughty things there.'
+
+"'O fie!' said Mrs Macnamara.
+
+"'O, madam,' continued Brady, 'the fact is, that the Paris ladies were
+rather too fond of us English. When I say English, I mean Scotch and
+Irish as well; but, nevertheless, I think Irishmen had more good-luck
+than the natives of the other two islands.'
+
+"'In my geography book,' said Miss Dosy, 'it is put down only as one
+island, consisting of England, capital London, on the Thames, in the
+south; and Scotland, capital Edinburgh, on the Forth, in the north;
+population'----
+
+"'Gad! you are right,' said Brady--'perfectly right, Miss Macnamara. I
+see you are quite a blue. But, as I was saying, it is scarce possible
+for a good-looking young English officer to escape the French ladies.
+And then I played rather deep--on the whole, however, I think, I may say
+I won. Mortgageshire and I broke Frascati's one night--we won a hundred
+thousand francs at rouge, and fifty-four thousand at roulette. You would
+have thought the croupiers would have fainted; they tore their hair with
+vexation. The money, however, soon went again--we could not keep it. As
+for wine, you have it cheap there, and of a quality which you cannot get
+in England. At Very's, for example, I drank chambertin--it is a kind
+of claret--for three francs two sous a-bottle, which was, beyond all
+comparison, far superior to what I drank, a couple of months ago, at the
+Duke of Devonshire's, though his Grace prides himself on that very wine,
+and sent to a particular binn for a favourite specimen, when I observed
+to him I had tasted better in Paris. Out of politeness, I pretended to
+approve of his Grace's choice; but I give you my honour--only I would
+not wish it to reach his Grace's ears--it was not to be compared to what
+I had at Very's for a moment.'
+
+"So flowed on Brady for a couple of hours. The Tooleries, as he thought
+proper to call them; the Louvre, with its pictures, the removal of which
+he deplored as a matter of taste, assuring us that he had used all his
+influence with the Emperor of Russia and the Duke of Wellington to
+prevent it, but in vain; the Boulevards, the opera, the theatres, the
+Champs Elysees, the Montagnes Russes--everything, in short, about
+Paris, was depicted to the astonished mind of Miss Dosy. Then came
+London--where he belonged to I do not know how many clubs--and cut a
+most distinguished figure in the fashionable world. He was of the Prince
+Regent's set, and assured us, on his honour, that there was never
+anything so ill-founded as the stories afloat to the discredit of that
+illustrious person. But on what happened at Carlton House, he felt
+obliged to keep silence, the Prince being remarkably strict in exacting
+a premise from every gentleman whom he admitted to his table, not to
+divulge anything that occurred there--a violation of which promise was
+the cause of the exclusion of Brummell. As for the Princess of Wales,
+he would rather not say anything.
+
+"And so forth. Now, in those days of my innocence, I believed these
+stories as gospel, hating the fellow all the while from the bottom of
+my heart, as I saw that he made a deep impression on Dosy, who sat
+in open-mouthed wonder, swallowing them down as a common-councilman
+swallows turtle. But times are changed. I have seen Paris and London
+since, and I believe I know both villages as well as most men, and the
+deuce a word of truth did Brady tell in his whole narrative. In Paris,
+when not in quarters (he had joined some six or eight months after
+Waterloo), he lived _au cinquantieme_ in a dog-hole in the Rue
+Git-le-Coeur (a street at what I may call the Surrey side of Paris),
+among carters and other such folk; and in London I discovered that his
+principal domicile was in one of the courts now demolished to make room
+for the fine new gimcrackery at Charing Cross; it was in Round Court,
+at a pieman's of the name of Dudfield."
+
+"Dick Dudfield?" said Jack Ginger; "I knew the man well--a most
+particular friend of mine. He was a duffer besides being a pieman, and
+was transported some years ago. He is now a flourishing merchant in
+Australasia, and will, I suppose, in due time be grandfather to a
+member of Congress."
+
+"There it was that Brady lived then," continued Bob Burke, "when he
+was hobnobbing with Georgius Quartus, and dancing at Almack's with
+Lady Elizabeth Conynghame. Faith, the nearest approach he ever made
+to royalty was when he was put into the King's own Bench, where he
+sojourned many a long day. What an ass I was to believe a word of such
+stuff! but, nevertheless, it goes down with the rustics to the present
+minute. I sometimes sport a duke or so myself, when I find myself among
+yokels, and I rise vastly in estimation by so doing. What do we come to
+London or Paris for, but to get some touch of knowing how to do things
+properly? It would be devilish hard, I think, for Ensign Brady, or
+Ensign Brady's master, to do me nowadays by flamming off titles of high
+life."
+
+The company did no more than justice to Mr Burke's experience, by
+unanimously admitting that such a feat was all but impossible.
+
+"I was," he went on, "a good deal annoyed at my inferiority, and I
+could not help seeing that Miss Dosy was making comparisons that were
+rather odious, as she glanced from the gay uniform of the Ensign on my
+habiliments, which having been perpetrated by a Mallow tailor with a
+hatchet, or pitchfork, or pickaxe, or some such tool, did not stand the
+scrutiny to advantage. I was, I think, a better-looking fellow than
+Brady. Well, well--laugh if you like. I am no beauty, I know; but then,
+consider that what I am talking of was sixteen years ago, and more; and
+a man does not stand the battering I have gone through for these sixteen
+years with impunity. Do you call the thirty or forty thousand tumblers
+of punch, in all its varieties, that I have since imbibed, nothing?"
+
+"Yes," said Jack Ginger, with a sigh, "there was a song we used to sing
+on board the Brimstone, when cruising about the Spanish main--
+
+     "'If Mars leaves his scars, jolly Bacchus as well
+     Sets his trace on the face, which a toper will tell;
+     But which a more merry campaign has pursued,
+     The shedder of wine, or the shedder of blood?'
+
+"I forget the rest of it. Poor Ned Nixon! It was he who made that
+song--he was afterwards bit in two by a shark, having tumbled overboard
+in the cool of the evening, one fine summer day, off Port Royal."
+
+"Well, at all events," said Burke, continuing his narrative, "I thought
+I was a better-looking fellow than my rival, and was fretted at being
+sung down. I resolved to outstay him--and though he sate long enough, I,
+who was more at home, contrived to remain after him, but it was only to
+hear him extolled.
+
+"'A very nice young man,' said Mrs Macnamara.
+
+"'An extreme nice young man,' responded Miss Theodosia.
+
+"'A perfect gentleman in his manners; he puts me quite in mind of my
+uncle, the late Jerry O'Regan,' observed Mrs Macnamara.
+
+"'Quite the gentleman in every particular,' ejaculated Miss Theodosia.
+
+"'He has seen a great deal of the world for so young a man,' remarked
+Mrs Macnamara.
+
+"'He has mixed in the best society, too,' cried Miss Theodosia.
+
+"'It is a great advantage to a young man to travel,' quoth Mrs
+Macnamara.
+
+"'And a very great disadvantage to a young man to be always sticking at
+home,' chimed in Miss Theodosia, looking at me; 'it shuts them out from
+all chances of the elegance which we have just seen displayed by Ensign
+Brady of the 48th Foot.'
+
+"'For my part,' said I, 'I do not think him such an elegant fellow at
+all. Do you remember, Dosy Macnamara, how he looked when he got up out
+of the green puddle to-day?'
+
+"'Mr Burke,' said she, 'that was an accident that might happen any man.
+You were thrown yourself this day week, on clearing Jack Falvey's
+wall--so you need not reflect on Mr Brady.'
+
+"'If I was,' said I, 'it was as fine a leap as ever was made; and I was
+on my mare in half a shake afterwards. Bob Buller of Ballythomas, or
+Jack Prendergast, or Fergus O'Connor, could not have it rode it better.
+And you too'----
+
+"'Well,' said she, 'I am not going to dispute with you. I am sleepy, and
+must get to bed.'
+
+"'Do, poor chicken,' said Mrs Macnamara, soothingly, 'and, Bob, my dear,
+I wish it was in your power to go travel, and see the Booleries and the
+Tooleyvards, and the rest, and then you might be, in course of time, as
+genteel as Ensign Brady.'
+
+"'Heigho!' said Miss Dosy, ejecting a sigh. 'Travel, Bob, travel.'
+
+"'I will,' said I, at once, and left the house in the most abrupt
+manner, after consigning Ensign Brady to the particular attention of
+Tisiphone, Alecto, and Megaera, all compressed into one emphatic
+monosyllable.
+
+
+CHAPTER IV.
+
+ HOW BOB BURKE, AFTER AN INTERVIEW WITH BARNEY PULVERTAFT,
+ ASCERTAINED THAT HE WAS DESPERATELY IN LOVE
+ WITH MISS THEODOSIA MACNAMARA.
+
+"On leaving Dosy's lodgings, I began to consult the state of my heart.
+Am I really, said I, so much in love, as to lose my temper if this
+prating ensign should carry off the lady? I was much puzzled to resolve
+the question. I walked up and down the Spa-Walk, whiffing a cigar, for
+a quarter of an hour, without being able to come to a decision. At last,
+just as the cigar was out, my eye caught a light in the window of Barney
+Pulvertaft, the attorney--old Six-and-Eightpence, as we used to call
+him. I knew he was the confidential agent of the Macnamaras; and as he
+had carried on sixteen lawsuits for my father, I thought I had a claim
+to learn something about the affairs of Miss Dosy. I understood she was
+an heiress, but had never, until now, thought of inquiring into the
+precise amount of her expectancies. Seeing that the old fellow was up,
+I determined to step over, and found him in the middle of law-papers,
+although it was then rather late, with a pot-bellied jug, of the
+bee-hive pattern, by his side, full of punch--or rather, I should say,
+half-full; for Six-and-Eightpence had not been idle. His snuff-coloured
+wig was cocked on one side of his head--his old velveteen breeches open
+at the knee--his cravat off--his shirt unbuttoned--his stockings half
+down his lean legs--his feet in a pair of worsted slippers. The old
+fellow was, in short, relaxed for the night, but he had his pen in his
+hand.
+
+"'I am only filling copies of _capiases_, Bob,' said he; 'light and
+pleasant work, which does not distress one in an evening. There are a
+few of your friends booked here. What has brought you to me so late
+to-night?--but your father's son is always welcome. Ay, there were few
+men like your father--never stagged in a lawsuit in his life--saw it
+always out to the end--drove it from court to court;--if he was beat,
+why, so much the worse, but he never fretted--if he won, faith! he
+squeezed the opposite party well. Ay, he was a good-hearted, honest,
+straightforward man. I wish I had a hundred such clients. So here's his
+memory anyhow.'
+
+"Six-and-Eightpence had a good right to give the toast, as what
+constituted the excellence of my father in his eyes had moved most
+of the good acres of Ballyburke out of the family into the hands of
+the lawyers; but from filial duty I complied with the attorney's
+request--the more readily, because I well knew, from long experience,
+that his skill in punch-making was unimpeachable. So we talked about my
+father's old lawsuits, and I got Barney into excellent humour, by
+letting him tell me of the great skill and infinite adroitness which he
+had displayed upon a multiplicity of occasions. It was not, however,
+until we were deep in the second jug, and Six-and-Eightpence was
+beginning to show symptoms of being _cut_, that I ventured to introduce
+the subject of my visit. I did it as cautiously as I could, but the old
+fellow soon found out my drift.
+
+"'No,' hiccuped he--'Bob--'twont--'twont--do. Close as green--green wax.
+Never te-tell profess-profess-professional secrets. Know her
+expec--hiccup--tances to a ten-ten-penny. So you are after--after--her?
+Ah, Bo-bob! She'll be a ca-catch--but not a wo-word from me. No--never.
+Bar-ney Pe-pulverfta-taft is game to the last. Never be-betrayed ye-your
+father. God rest his soul--he was a wo-worthy man.'
+
+"On this recollection of the merits of my sainted sire, the attorney
+wept; and in spite of all his professional determinations, whether the
+potency of the fluid or the memory of the deceased acted upon him, I got
+at the facts. Dosy had not more than a couple of hundred pounds in the
+world--her mother's property was an annuity which expired with herself;
+but her uncle, by the father's side, Mick Macnamara of Kawleash, had an
+estate of at least five hundred a-year, which, in case of his dying
+without issue, was to come to her--besides a power of money saved; Mick
+being one who, to use the elegant phraseology of my friend the attorney,
+would skin a flea for the sake of selling the hide. All this money, ten
+thousand pounds, or something equally musical, would in all probability
+go to Miss Dosy--the L500 a-year was hers by entail. Now, as her uncle
+was eighty-four years old, unmarried, and in the last stage of the
+palsy, it was a thing as sure as the bank, that Miss Dosy was a very
+rich heiress indeed.
+
+"'So--so,' said Six-and-Eightpence--'this--this--is strictly
+confiddle-confid-confiddledential. Do--do not say a word about
+it. I ought not to have to-told it--but, you do-dog, you wheedled
+it out of me. Da-dang it, I co-could not ref-refuse your father's
+son. You are ve-very like him--as I sa-saw him sitting many a
+ti-time in that cha-chair. But you nev-never will have his XXXX
+spu-spunk in a sho-shoot (suit). There, the lands of XXXXXXXXXXX
+Arry-arry-arry-bally-bally-be-beg-clock-clough-macde-de-duagh--confound
+the wo-word--of Arryballybegcloughmacduagh, the finest be-bog in the
+co-country--are ye-yours--but you haven't spu-spunk to go into
+Cha-chancery for it, like your worthy fa-father, Go-god rest his soul.
+Blow out that se-second ca-candle, Bo-bob, for I hate waste.'
+
+"'There's but one in the room, Barney,' said I.
+
+"'You mean to say,' hiccuped he, 'that I am te-te-tipsy? Well, well,
+ye-young fe-fellows, well, I am their je-joke. However, as the je-jug is
+out, you must be je-jogging. Early to bed, and early to rise, is the way
+to be----. However, le-lend me your arm up the sta-stairs, for they are
+very slip-slippery to-night.'
+
+"I conducted the attorney to his bedchamber, and safely stowed him into
+bed, while he kept stammering forth praises on my worthy father, and
+up-braiding me with want of spunk in not carrying on a Chancery suit
+begun by him some twelve years before, for a couple of hundred acres of
+bog, the value of which would scarcely have amounted to the price of the
+parchment expended on it. Having performed this duty, I proceeded
+homewards, labouring under a variety of sensations.
+
+"How delicious is the feeling of love, when it first takes full
+possession of a youthful bosom! Before its balmy influence vanish all
+selfish thoughts--all grovelling notions. Pure and sublimated, the soul
+looks forward to objects beyond self, and merges all ideas of personal
+identity in aspirations of the felicity to be derived from the being
+adored. A thrill of rapture pervades the breast--an intense but bland
+flame permeates every vein--throbs in every pulse. Oh, blissful period,
+brief in duration, but crowded with thoughts of happiness never to recur
+again! As I gained the Walk, the moon was high and bright in heaven,
+pouring a flood of mild light over the trees. The stars shone with
+sapphire lustre in the cloudless sky--not a breeze disturbed the deep
+serene. I was alone. I thought of my love--of what else could I think?
+What I had just heard had kindled my passion for the divine Theodosia
+into a quenchless blaze. Yes, I exclaimed aloud, I _do_ love her. Such
+an angel does not exist on the earth. What charms! What innocence! What
+horsewomanship! Five hundred a-year certain! Ten thousand pounds in
+perspective! I'll repurchase the lands of Ballyburke--I'll rebuild the
+hunting-lodge in the Galtees--I'll keep a pack of hounds, and live a
+sporting life. Oh, dear, divine Theodosia, how I _do_ adore you! I'll
+shoot that Brady, and no mistake. How dare he interfere where my
+affections are so irrevocably fixed?
+
+"Such were my musings. Alas! how we are changed as we progress through
+the world! That breast becomes arid, which once was open to every
+impression of the tender passion. The rattle of the dice-box beats out
+of the head the rattle of the quiver of Cupid--and the shuffling of the
+cards renders the rustling of his wings inaudible. The necessity of
+looking after a tablecloth supersedes that of looking after a petticoat,
+and we more willingly make an assignation with a mutton-chop, than with
+an angel in female form. The bonds of love are exchanged for those of
+the conveyancer--bills take the place of billets, and we do not protest,
+but are protested against, by a three-and-six-penny notary. Such are the
+melancholy effects of age. I knew them not then. I continued to muse
+full of sweet thoughts, until gradually the moon faded from the sky--the
+stars went out--and all was darkness. Morning succeeded to night, and,
+on awaking, I found that, owing to the forgetfulness in which the
+thoughts of the fair Theodosia had plunged me, I had selected the bottom
+step of old Barney Pulvertaft's door as my couch, and was awakened from
+repose in consequence of his servant-maid (one Norry Mulcaky) having
+emptied the contents of her--washing-tub, over my slumbering person.
+
+
+CHAPTER V.
+
+ HOW BOB BURKE, AFTER CONSULTATION WITH WOODEN-LEG
+ WADDY, FOUGHT THE DUEL WITH ENSIGN BRADY FOR THE
+ SAKE OF MISS THEODOSIA MACNAMARA.
+
+"At night I had fallen asleep fierce in the determination of
+exterminating Brady; but with the morrow, cool reflection came--made
+probably cooler by the aspersion I had suffered. How could I fight him,
+when he had never given me the slightest affront? To be sure, picking a
+quarrel is not hard, thank God, in any part of Ireland; but unless I was
+quick about it, he might get so deep into the good graces of Dosy, who
+was as flammable as tinder, that even my shooting him might not be of
+any practical advantage to myself. Then, besides, he might shoot me;
+and, in fact, I was not by any means so determined in the affair at
+seven o'clock in the morning as I was at twelve o'clock at night. I got
+home, however, dressed, shaved, &c., and turned out. 'I think,' said I
+to myself, 'the best thing I can do, is to go and consult Wooden-leg
+Waddy; and, as he is an early man, I shall catch him now.' The thought
+was no sooner formed than executed; and in less than five minutes I was
+walking with Wooden-leg Waddy in his garden, at the back of his house,
+by the banks of the Blackwater.
+
+"Waddy had been in the Hundred-and-First, and had seen much service in
+that distinguished corps."
+
+"I remember it well during the war," said Antony Harrison; "we used to
+call it the Hungry-and-Worst;--but it did its duty on a pinch
+nevertheless."
+
+"No matter," continued Burke; "Waddy had served a good deal, and lost
+his leg somehow, for which he had a pension besides his half-pay, and he
+lived in ease and affluence among the Bucks of Mallow. He was a great
+hand at settling and arranging duels, being what we generally call in
+Ireland a _judgmatical_ sort of man--a word which, I think, might be
+introduced with advantage into the English vocabulary. When I called on
+him, he was smoking his meerschaum, as he walked up and down his garden
+in an old undress-coat, and a fur cap on his head. I bade him good
+morning; to which salutation he answered by a nod, and a more prolonged
+whiff.
+
+"'I want to speak to you, Wooden-leg,' said I, 'on a matter which nearly
+concerns me.' On which, I received another nod, and another whiff in
+reply.
+
+"'The fact is,' said I, 'that there is an Ensign Brady of the 48th
+quartered here, with whom I have some reason to be angry, and I am
+thinking of calling him out. I have come to ask your advice whether I
+should do so or not. He has deeply injured me, by interfering between me
+and the girl of my affections. What ought I to do in such a case?'
+
+"'Fight him, by all means,' said Wooden-leg Waddy.
+
+"'But the difficulty is this--he has offered me no affront, direct or
+indirect--we have no quarrel whatever--and he has not paid any addresses
+to the lady. He and I have scarcely been in contact at all. I do not see
+how I can manage it immediately with any propriety. What then can I do
+now?'
+
+"'Do not fight him, by any means,' said Wooden-leg Waddy.
+
+"'Still these are the facts of the case. He, whether intentionally or
+not, is coming between me and my mistress, which is doing me an injury
+perfectly equal to the grossest insult. How should I act?'
+
+"'Fight him, by all means,' said Wooden-leg Waddy.
+
+"'But then I fear if I were to call him out on a groundless quarrel, or
+one which would appear to be such, that I should lose the good graces of
+the lady, and be laughed at by my friends, or set down as a quarrelsome
+and dangerous companion.'
+
+"'Do not fight him then, by any means,' said Wooden-leg Waddy.
+
+"'Yet as he is a military man, he must know enough of the etiquette of
+these affairs to feel perfectly confident that he has affronted me; and
+the opinion of a military man, standing, as of course he does, in the
+rank and position of a gentleman, could not, I think, be overlooked
+without disgrace.'
+
+"'Fight him, by all means,' said Wooden-leg Waddy.
+
+"'But then, talking of gentlemen, I own he is an officer of the 48th,
+but his father is a fish-tackle seller in John Street, Kilkenny, who
+keeps a three-halfpenny shop, where you may buy everything, from a
+cheese to a cheese-toaster, from a felt hat to a pair of brogues, from a
+pound of brown soap to a yard of huckaback towels. He got his commission
+by his father's retiring from the Ormonde interest, and acting as
+whipper-in to the sham freeholders from Castlecomer; and I am, as you
+know, of the best blood of the Burkes--straight from the De Burgos
+themselves--and when I think of that, I really do not like to meet this
+Mr Brady.'
+
+"'Do not fight him, by any means,' said Wooden-leg Waddy."
+
+"This advice of your friend Waddy to you," said Tom Meggot, interrupting
+Burke, "much resembles that which Pantagruel gave Panurge on the subject
+of his marriage, as I heard a friend of mine, Percy, of Gray's Inn,
+reading to me the other day."
+
+"I do not know the people you speak of," continued Bob, "but such was
+the advice which Waddy gave me.
+
+"'Why,' said I, 'Wooden-leg, my friend, this is like playing battledore
+and shuttlecock; what is knocked forward with one hand is knocked back
+with the other. Come, tell me what I ought to do.'
+
+"'Well,' said Wooden-leg, taking the meerschaum out of his mouth, '_in
+dubiis suspice_, &c. Let us decide it by tossing a halfpenny. If it
+comes down _head_, you fight--if _harp_, you do not. Nothing can be
+fairer.'
+
+"I assented.
+
+"'Which,' said he, 'is it to be--two out of three, as at Newmarket, or
+the first toss to decide?'
+
+"'Sudden death,' said I, 'and there will soon be an end of it.'
+
+"Up went the halfpenny, and we looked with anxious eyes for its descent,
+when, unluckily, it stuck in a gooseberry-bush.
+
+"'I don't like that,' said Wooden-leg Waddy; 'for it's a token of bad
+luck. But here goes again.'
+
+"Again the copper soared to the sky, and down it came--_head_.
+
+"'I wish you joy, my friend,' said Waddy; 'you are to fight. That was my
+opinion all along; though I did not like to commit myself. I can lend
+you a pair of the most beautiful duelling-pistols ever put into a man's
+hand--Wogden's, I swear. The last time they were out, they shot Joe
+Brown of Mount Badger as dead as Harry the Eighth.'
+
+"'Will you be my second?' said I.
+
+"'Why, no,' replied Wooden-leg, 'I cannot; for I am bound over by a
+rascally magistrate to keep the peace, because I barely broke the head
+of a blackguard bailiff, who came here to serve a writ on a friend of
+mine, with one of my spare legs. But I can get you a second at once. My
+nephew, Major Mug, has just come to me on a few days' visit, and, as he
+is quite idle, it will give him some amusement to be your second. Look
+up at his bedroom--you see he is shaving himself.'
+
+"In a short time the Major made his appearance, dressed with a most
+military accuracy of costume. There was not a speck of dust on his
+well-brushed blue surtout--not a vestige of hair, except the regulation
+whiskers, on his closely-shaven countenance. His hat was brushed to the
+most glossy perfection--his boots shone in the jetty glow of Day and
+Martin. There was scarcely an ounce of flesh on his hard and
+weather-beaten face, and, as he stood rigidly upright, you would have
+sworn that every sinew and muscle of his body was as stiff as whipcord.
+He saluted us in military style, and was soon put in possession of the
+case. Wooden-leg Waddy insinuated that there were hardly as yet grounds
+for a duel.
+
+"'I differ,' said Major Mug, 'decidedly--the grounds are ample. I never
+saw a clearer case in my life, and I have been principal or second in
+seven-and-twenty. If I collect your story rightly, Mr Burke, he gave you
+an abrupt answer in the field, which was highly derogatory to the lady
+in question, and impertinently rude to yourself?'
+
+"'He certainly,' said I, 'gave me what we call a short answer; but I did
+not notice it at the time, and he has since made friends with the young
+lady.'
+
+"'It matters nothing,' observed Major Mug, 'what you may think, or she
+may think. The business is now in _my_ hands, and I must see you through
+it. The first thing to be done is to write him a letter. Send out for
+paper--let it be gilt-edged, Waddy--that we may do the thing genteelly.
+I'll dictate, Mr Burke, if you please.'
+
+"And so he did. As well as I can recollect, the note was as follows:--
+
+                         "'SPA-WALK, MALLOW, _June 3, 18--_.
+                              "'Eight o'clock in the morning.
+
+     "'SIR,--A desire for harmony and peace, which has at all times
+     actuated my conduct, prevented me, yesterday, from asking you
+     the meaning of the short and contemptuous message which you
+     commissioned me to deliver to a certain young lady of our
+     acquaintance, whose name I do not choose to drag into a
+     correspondence. But now that there is no danger of its
+     disturbing any one, I must say that in your desiring me to tell
+     that young lady she might consider herself as d----d, you were
+     guilty of conduct highly unbecoming of an officer and a
+     gentleman, and subversive of the discipline of the hunt. I
+     have the honour to be, sir, your most obedient humble servant,
+
+                         "'ROBERT BURKE.
+
+     "'P. S.--This note will be delivered to you by my friend, Major
+     Mug, of the 3d West Indian; and you will, I trust, see the
+     propriety of referring him to another gentleman without further
+     delay.'
+
+"'That, I think, is neat,' said the Major. 'Now, seal it with wax, Mr
+Burke, with wax--and let the seal be your arms. That's right. Now,
+direct it.'
+
+"'Ensign Brady?'
+
+"'No--no--the right thing would be, "Mr Brady, Ensign, 48th foot," but
+custom allows "Esquire." That will do.--"Thady Brady, Esq., Ensign, 48th
+Foot, Barracks, Mallow." He shall have it in less than a quarter of an
+hour.'
+
+"The Major was as good as his word, and in about half an hour he brought
+back the result of his mission. The Ensign, he told us, was extremely
+reluctant to fight, and wanted to be off, on the ground that he had
+meant no offence, did not even remember having used the expression, and
+offered to ask the lady if she conceived for a moment he had any idea of
+saying anything but what was complimentary to her.
+
+"'In fact,' said the Major, 'he at first plumply refused to fight; but I
+soon brought him to reason. "Sir," said I, "you either consent to fight,
+or refuse to fight. In the first case, the thing is settled to hand,
+and we are not called upon to inquire if there was an affront or not--in
+the second case, your refusal to comply with a gentleman's request is,
+of itself, an offence for which he has a right to call you out. Put it,
+then, on any grounds, you must fight him. It is perfectly indifferent to
+me what the grounds may be; and I have only to request the name of your
+friend, as I too much respect the coat you wear to think that there can
+be any other alternative." This brought the chap to his senses, and he
+referred me to Captain Codd, of his own regiment, at which I felt much
+pleased, because Codd is an intimate friend of my own, he and I having
+fought a duel three years ago in Falmouth, in which I lost the top of
+this little finger, and he his left whisker. It was a near touch. He is
+as honourable a man as ever paced a ground; and I am sure that he will
+no more let his man off the field until business is done, than I would
+myself.'
+
+"I own," continued Burke, "I did not half relish this announcement of
+the firm purpose of our seconds; but I was in for it, and could not get
+back. I sometimes thought Dosy a dear purchase at such an expense; but
+it was no use to grumble. Major Mug was sorry to say that there was a
+review to take place immediately, at which the Ensign must attend, and
+it was impossible for him to meet me until the evening; 'but,' added he,
+'at this time of the year it can be of no great consequence. There will
+be plenty of light till nine, but I have fixed _seven_. In the mean
+time, you may as well divert yourself with a little pistol-practice, but
+do it on the sly, as, if they were shabby enough to have a trial, it
+would not tell well before the jury.'
+
+"Promising to take a quiet chop with me at five, the Major retired,
+leaving me not quite contented with the state of affairs. I sat down,
+and wrote a letter to my cousin, Phil Purdon of Kanturk, telling him
+what I was about, and giving directions what was to be done in the case
+of any fatal event. I communicated to him the whole story--deplored my
+unhappy fate in being thus cut off in the flower of my youth--left him
+three pair of buckskin breeches--and repented my sins. This letter I
+immediately packed off by a special messenger, and then began
+half-a-dozen others, of various styles of tenderness and sentimentality,
+to be delivered after my melancholy decease. The day went off fast
+enough, I assure you; and at five the Major, and Wooden-leg Waddy,
+arrived in high spirits.
+
+"'Here, my boy,' said Waddy, handing me the pistols, 'here are the
+flutes; and pretty music, I can tell you, they make.'
+
+"'As for dinner,' said Major Mug, 'I do not much care; but, Mr Burke, I
+hope it is ready, as I am rather hungry. We must dine lightly, however,
+and drink not much. If we come off with flying colours, we may crack a
+bottle together by-and-by; in case you shoot Brady, I have everything
+arranged for our keeping out of the way until the thing blows over--if
+he shoot you, I'll see you buried. Of course, you would not recommend
+anything so ungenteel as a prosecution? No. I'll take care it shall all
+appear in the papers, and announce that Robert Burke, Esq., met his
+death with becoming fortitude, assuring the unhappy survivor that he
+heartily forgave him, and wished him health and happiness.'
+
+"'I must tell you,' said Wooden-leg Waddy, 'it's all over Mallow, and
+the whole town will be on the ground to see it. Miss Dosy knows of it,
+and is quite delighted--she says she will certainly marry the survivor.
+I spoke to the magistrate to keep out of the way, and he promised that,
+though it deprived him of a great pleasure, he would go and dine five
+miles off--and know nothing about it. But here comes dinner. Let us be
+jolly.'
+
+"I cannot say that I played on that day as brilliant a part with the
+knife and fork as I usually do, and did not sympathise much in the
+speculations of my guests, who pushed the bottle about with great
+energy, recommending me, however, to refrain. At last the Major looked
+at his watch, which he had kept lying on the table before him from the
+beginning of dinner--started up--clapped me on the shoulder, and
+declaring it only wanted six minutes and thirty-five seconds of the
+time, hurried me off to the scene of action--a field close by the
+Castle.
+
+"There certainly was a miscellaneous assemblage of the inhabitants of
+Mallow, all anxious to see the duel. They had pitted us like game-cocks,
+and bets were freely taken as to the chances of our killing one another,
+and the particular spots. One betted on my being hit in the jaw, another
+was so kind as to lay the odds on my knee. A tolerably general opinion
+appeared to prevail that one or other of us was to be killed; and much
+good-humoured joking took place among them, while they were deciding
+which. As I was double the thickness of my antagonist, I was clearly the
+favourite for being shot; and I heard one fellow near me say, 'Three to
+two on Burke, that he's shot first--I bet in ten-pennies.'
+
+"Brady and Codd soon appeared, and the preliminaries were arranged with
+much punctilio between our seconds, who mutually and loudly extolled
+each other's gentlemanlike mode of doing business. Brady could scarcely
+stand with fright, and I confess that I did not feel quite as Hector of
+Troy, or the Seven Champions of Christendom, are reported to have done
+on similar occasions. At last the ground was measured--the pistols
+handed to the principals--the handkerchief dropped--whiz! went the
+bullet within an inch of my ear--and crack! went mine exactly on Ensign
+Brady's waistcoat pocket. By an unaccountable accident, there was a
+five-shilling piece in that very pocket, and the ball glanced away,
+while Brady doubled himself down, uttering a loud howl that might be
+heard half a mile off. The crowd was so attentive as to give a huzza for
+my success.
+
+"Codd ran up to his principal, who was writhing as if he had ten
+thousand colics, and soon ascertained that no harm was done.
+
+"'What do you propose,' said he to my second--'What do you propose to
+do, Major?'
+
+"'As there is neither blood drawn nor bone broken,' said the Major, 'I
+think that shot goes for nothing.'
+
+"'I agree with you,' said Captain Codd.
+
+"'If your party will apologise,' said Major Mug, 'I'll take my man off
+the ground.'
+
+"'Certainly,' said Captain Codd, 'you are quite right, Major, in asking
+the apology, but you know that it is my duty to refuse it.'
+
+"'You are correct, Captain,' said the Major; 'I then formally require
+that Ensign Brady apologise to Mr Burke.'
+
+"'I as formally refuse it,' said Captain Codd.
+
+"'We must have another shot then,' said the Major.
+
+"'Another shot, by all means,' said the Captain.
+
+"'Captain Codd,' said the Major, 'you have shown yourself in this, as
+in every transaction of your life, a perfect gentleman.'
+
+"'He who would dare to say,' replied the Captain, 'that Major Mug is not
+among the most gentlemanlike men in the service, would speak what is
+untrue.'
+
+"Our seconds bowed, took a pinch of snuff together, and proceeded to
+load the pistols. Neither Brady nor I was particularly pleased at these
+complimentary speeches of the gentlemen, and, I am sure, had we been
+left to ourselves, would have declined the second shot. As it was, it
+appeared inevitable.
+
+"Just, however, as the process of loading was completing, there appeared
+on the ground my cousin Phil Purdon, rattling in on his black mare as
+hard as he could lick. When he came in sight he bawled out,--
+
+"'I want to speak to the plaintiff in this action--I mean, to one of the
+parties in this duel. I want to speak to you, Bob Burke.'
+
+"'The thing is impossible, sir,' said Major Mug.
+
+"'Perfectly impossible, sir,' said Captain Codd.
+
+"'Possible or impossible is nothing to the question,' shouted Purdon;
+'Bob, I _must_ speak to you.'
+
+"'It is contrary to all regulation,' said the Major.
+
+"'Quite contrary,' said the Captain.
+
+"Phil, however, persisted, and approached me. 'Are you fighting about
+Dosy Mac?' said he to me in a whisper.
+
+"'Yes,' I replied.
+
+"'And she is to marry the survivor, I understand?'
+
+"'So I am told,' said I.
+
+"'Back out, Bob, then; back out, at the rate of a hunt. Old Mick
+Macnamara is married.'
+
+"'Married!' I exclaimed.
+
+"'Poz,' said he. 'I drew the articles myself. He married his housemaid,
+a girl of eighteen; and,'--here he whispered.
+
+"'What,' I cried, 'six months!'
+
+"'Six months,' said he, 'and no mistake.'
+
+"'Ensign Brady,' said I, immediately coming forward, 'there has been a
+strange misconception in this business. I here declare, in presence of
+this honourable company, that you have acted throughout like a man of
+honour, and a gentleman; and you leave the ground without a stain on
+your character.'
+
+"Brady hopped three feet off the ground with joy at the unexpected
+deliverance. He forgot all etiquette, and came forward to shake me by
+the hand.
+
+"'My dear Burke,' said he, 'it must have been a mistake: let us swear
+eternal friendship.'
+
+"'For ever,' said I. 'I resign you Miss Theodosia.'
+
+"'You are too generous,' he said, 'but I cannot abuse your generosity.'
+
+"'It is unprecedented conduct,' growled Major Mug. 'I'll never be second
+to a _Pekin_ again.'
+
+"'_My_ principal leaves the ground with honour,' said Captain Codd,
+looking melancholy nevertheless.
+
+"'Humph!' grunted Wooden-leg Waddy, lighting his meerschaum.
+
+"The crowd dispersed much displeased, and I fear my reputation for
+valour did not rise among them. I went off with Purdon to finish a jug
+at Carmichael's, and Brady swaggered off to Miss Dosy's. His renown for
+valour won her heart. It cannot be denied that I sunk deeply in her
+opinion. On that very evening Brady broke his love, and was accepted.
+Mrs Mac. opposed, but the red-coat prevailed.
+
+"'He may rise to be a general,' said Dosy, 'and be a knight, and then I
+will be Lady Brady.'
+
+"'Or if my father should be made an earl, angelic Theodosia, you would
+be Lady Thady Brady,' said the Ensign.
+
+"'Beautiful prospect!' cried Dosy, 'Lady Thady Brady! What a harmonious
+sound!'
+
+"But why dally over the detail of my unfortunate loves? Dosy and the
+Ensign were married before the accident which had befallen her uncle was
+discovered; and if they were not happy, why, then you and I may. They
+have had eleven children, and, I understand, he now keeps a comfortable
+eating-house close by Cumberland Basin in Bristol. Such was my duel with
+Ensign Brady of the 48th."
+
+"Your fighting with Brady puts me in mind, that the finest duel I ever
+saw," said Joe MacGillycuddy, "was between a butcher and bull-dog, in
+the Diamond of Derry."
+
+"I am obliged to you for your comparison," said Burke, "but I think it
+is now high time for dinner, and your beautiful story will keep. Has
+anybody the least idea where dinner is to be raised?"
+
+To this no answer was returned, and we all began to reflect with the
+utmost intensity.
+
+
+
+
+THE HEADSMAN.
+
+A TALE OF DOOM.
+
+[_MAGA_. FEBRUARY 1830.]
+
+
+On a dark and gusty evening in November 178--, three students at a
+university in Northern Germany were sitting with Professor N. around the
+stove of his study. These four individuals had in the morning
+accompanied a much-valued friend, who was finally quitting the
+university, on the first stage of his journey homeward, and had returned
+at the full speed of their jaded horses, to reach the city before the
+closing of the gates. On arrival within the ramparts, they were invited
+by the Professor to drown their parting sorrow in a bowl of punch, and
+accompanied him to his abode, where they sat for some time gazing at the
+crackling firewood in the stove, and musing in silent melancholy upon
+the social and endearing qualities of the friend with whom they had
+parted--perhaps for ever. Meanwhile the materials for the most cheering
+of all potations lay untouched upon the table, the candles remained
+unlighted and forgotten, and, as if by tacit agreement, the friends
+continued to indulge in retrospective musings until the twilight waned
+into darkness, and the flickering light from the open door of the stove
+just enabled each of them to discern the saddened features of his
+neighbour. When returning to the city, their exhausted spirits had been
+painfully jarred by the spectacle, so rare in Germany, of a scaffold
+erecting without the ramparts for the execution of a murderer. Some
+remarks of the humane Professor upon the crime and punishment of the
+condemned did not tend to cheer the young men, who replied in
+monosyllables, and were pondering in mute and melancholy excitement upon
+the awful catastrophe so near at hand, when a tap at the door made them
+all start from the reverie in which they had been too deeply absorbed to
+hear any one ascending the stairs. "Come in," at length shouted the
+Professor, after pausing a little to recollect himself. The door was
+gently opened, and the dying flame in the stove threw its last blaze
+upon the pallid features of a tall and handsome youth, who entered the
+room with diffidence, and inquired if Professor N. was at home. "Here I
+am, my dear Julius," answered the kind Professor, as he rose from his
+chair, and grasped with cordial pressure the hand of the inquirer. "Can
+I do anything to oblige you?"
+
+"I have called upon you to request a favour," answered the stranger
+hesitatingly, as he surveyed with searching looks the three students,
+whose features were not distinguishable in the Rembrandt chiaroscuro of
+the Professor's study.
+
+"If no secret," said the Professor briskly, as he replenished his stove
+with beechwood, "explain yourself freely. All present are my particular
+friends, and certainly no enemies of yours. Say, my dear boys! you all
+know and respect our worthy Harpocrates?"
+
+The students briefly assented, and the Professor invited the stranger to
+take a seat near the fire, which, darting playfully through the pile of
+beech, soon roared loudly up the chimney. "I believe that Lieutenant B.
+is your near relation?" began the pale youth, in tones which betrayed an
+inward tremor.
+
+"He is my nephew," replied the Professor.
+
+"I have understood," continued the stranger, "that he will command the
+detachment ordered on duty at the execution to-morrow. I am particularly
+desirous to stand near the criminal at the moment of decapitation, and
+wish, through your kind interference with the Lieutenant, to obtain
+admission within the circle."
+
+"By all means," answered the Professor. "My nephew has invited me to
+accompany him, but I have declined it, and I must own that your request
+surprises me no little. How is it, my dear Julius, that you, who are by
+nature and habit so gentle and fastidious, can seek such strong aliment
+as the near inspection of a public execution? Even I, who served three
+campaigns in the artillery before I betook myself to mathematics, could
+not face a catastrophe so appalling."
+
+"I study anatomy as an amateur," replied Julius, somewhat disconcerted;
+"and, as I may eventually embrace the medical profession, it is
+essential to my purpose to steel my nerves by inuring them to every
+trying spectacle."
+
+"You are right, Julius!" exclaimed the Professor, with cordial assent.
+"Trials are the fostering element of great hearts and lofty natures. To
+become great in anything, we must take the Egyptian test, and purify our
+feeble minds by passing through fire and water. Call upon me to-morrow
+morning at seven. I will introduce you to my nephew, and he shall give
+you a place near the headsman. And now, not another word on this painful
+subject, which has haunted us ever since we heard the workmen hammering
+the scaffold this afternoon. So cheer up, my dear boys! Light the
+candles, and fill your meerschaums, while I compound a bowl of such
+punch as Anacreon would have made, had he known how.--No, no! my dear
+Julius," he continued, seizing the arm of the young stranger, who was
+rising to depart. "A friendly chance has brought you into our cordial
+circle, and I must insist upon your remaining my guest."
+
+In vain did the three students, by whom Julius was more respected than
+liked, indicate by significant looks their objection to his stay; the
+benevolent Professor, who had long observed, with better feelings than
+curiosity, the pale features and habitual depression of a youth
+distinguished by great intellectual promise, persevered in his
+hospitable attempt, and at length succeeded in subduing his visible
+reluctance to stay.
+
+Julius Arenbourg had been three years a student at the university, but
+his retiring habits and invincible taciturnity had hitherto prevented
+any free and amicable communion with his fellow-students. His name was
+that of a Swiss, or of a Strasburger; and, although he spoke German with
+facility, there were certain peculiarities of accent and idiom in his
+language which betrayed a longer familiarity with French: he shunned,
+however, all intercourse with the Swiss and French students at the
+university, and his country and connections were still a matter of
+conjecture. His engaging person and address, and the dejection so
+legibly written in his countenance, had excited on his arrival an
+immediate and general impression in his favour, but he shunned alike
+exclusive intimacy and general intercourse; his replies were either
+commonplaces or monosyllables; and as the unhappy and reserved find
+little sympathy from the young and joyous, his fellow-students dubbed
+him the Harpocrates of the university, and left him to solitude and
+self-communion.
+
+The kind-hearted Professor, desirous to lead this interesting youth into
+habits of social ease and intimacy with the students present, exerted
+his colloquial powers, and endeavoured to lead them into general
+conversation; but his benevolent endeavours were baffled by the
+ineradicable impression which the approaching execution had made upon
+the mind of every student of good feeling in the university; and the
+successive attempts of the Professor were succeeded by long intervals of
+brooding and melancholy silence. At length, one of the young men,
+notwithstanding his host's prohibition, could no longer refrain from
+adverting to this all-absorbing subject. "Excuse me, Professor," he
+began, "but I find it impossible to withdraw my thoughts, even for a
+moment, from the present situation of the poor wretch who is so soon to
+bend his neck to the executioner. It appears to me, that the intervening
+hours of deadly and rising terror, are the real and atoning punishment,
+and not the friendly blow which releases him from the fear of death.
+Even the reprieve, sometimes granted on the scaffold, is no compensation
+for terrors so intense. The criminal has already died many deaths, and
+the new existence, thus tardily bestowed, can be compared only with the
+revival of the seeming dead in his coffin. Gracious Heaven!" he
+continued, with shuddering emotion, "how dreadfully bitter must be the
+sensations of the poor fellow at this moment!"
+
+"In all probability," replied another student, "he has either made up
+his mind to the impending catastrophe, or he finds sustaining
+consolation in the hope of a reprieve. At all events, his reflections
+must have, in my opinion, a more justified character than those of the
+wretch, who, before another sunset, with a firm eye and unsparing hand,
+with as little remorse as the butcher who kills a lamb, will shed the
+blood of a fellow-creature--of one who never injured him in deed or
+thought--who will kneel to him with folded hands, and humbly stretch his
+neck to the fatal blow. Verily, I think that I would rather thus suffer
+death, than thus inflict it."
+
+"Does not this view of the subject," remarked the third student,
+"justify, in some measure, the so often ridiculed prejudice of the
+uneducated multitude, who pronounce an executioner infamous, because
+they cannot otherwise define the disgust which his appearance, even
+across a street, invariably excites?[B] And may not this association of
+ideas be grounded on a religious feeling? The Mosaic law provided a
+sanctuary for the blood-guilty who had committed murder in sudden
+wrath; and, except in cases of rare enormity, compassion for the
+criminal must tend to increase the popular detestation of a man, who, in
+consideration of a good salary, is ever ready to shed the blood of a
+fellow-creature."
+
+[Footnote B: Throughout Germany, public executioners are called
+infamous, and are shut out of the pale of society. A similar feeling
+prevailed in France before the Revolution.]
+
+"For the honour of human nature," observed the Professor, "I will hope
+that, could we read the hearts of many who fulfil this terrible duty to
+society, we should behold, both before and during its exercise, strong
+feelings of reluctance and compassion. I can conceive, too, that those
+who have by long habit become callous to their vocation, are by no means
+destitute of kindly feeling in matters unconnected with their calling;
+but I do not comprehend how any man can voluntarily devote himself to an
+office which excludes him for life from the sympathy and society of his
+fellow-men; nor do I believe that this terrible vocation is ever
+adopted, except by those who, through early training, or a long course
+of crime, have blunted the best feelings of human nature."
+
+Julius, who had hitherto been a silent but attentive listener, now
+addressed the Professor with an animation which surprised all present.
+"You must excuse me, Professor," said he, "if I dissent from your last
+remark. You seem to have overlooked the fact, that the numerous
+individuals devoted to this melancholy office, in Germany and France,
+compose two large families severally connected by intermarriages and
+adoptions. In France especially, the executioner is under a compulsory
+obligation to transmit his office to one of his sons, who grows up with
+a consciousness of this necessity; and, being systematically trained to
+it, he submits, in most instances, without repining, to his painful lot.
+If the executioner has only daughters, he adopts a young man, who
+becomes his son-in-law and successor. I knew an instance of adoption
+which affords decisive evidence, that even a youth of education and
+refinement, of spotless integrity, diffident, gentle, and humane to a
+fault, may be compelled, by the force of circumstances, to undertake an
+office from which his nature recoils with abhorrence, and from which, in
+this instance, the party would have been saved by a higher degree of
+moral courage."
+
+It was here remarked by one of the students, that cruel propensities and
+a want of courage were perfectly compatible.
+
+"But I am speaking of a _good_ man," warmly rejoined Julius, "and good
+in the best and most comprehensive sense of the word. A man, not only
+pure from all offence, but of primitive and uncorrupted singleness of
+heart. For the truth of this I can pledge myself, for I know him well."
+
+At this undisguised avowal of his acquaintance with a public
+executioner, his auditors looked at him, and at each other, with
+obvious dismay. "Oh!" continued he, with a mournful smile, while his
+pale face was flushed with strong emotion, "wonder not at this
+acknowledgment. I can assure you, that, on my part, the acquaintance was
+involuntary; and had we not already devoted too much time to this
+painful subject, I could, by relating this headsman's strange and
+eventful history, fully vindicate my opinion of him, and of the unhappy
+caste to which he belongs."
+
+The Professor, who thought that the detail of an interesting story would
+excite in the three students a friendly feeling for the melancholy
+narrator, besought him earnestly to indulge them with the recital. "In
+our present frame of mind," he added, "your narrative will lay a strong
+hold, and will doubtless tend to reconcile our various opinions."
+
+The students warmly seconded the Professor's entreaties, and, thus
+called upon, Julius could no longer hesitate to comply. A flush of
+timidity, or of some more deeply-seated feeling, darkened his pale
+forehead, while he paused some moments as if to collect his firmness for
+a trying effort. He then began, in tones which, although tremulous at
+first, became deep and impressive as he proceeded; while the Professor
+and his friends, little prepared to expect any continuous recital from
+one who rarely uttered a connected sentence, listened with strong and
+rising interest to the following narrative.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+It is about five-and-thirty years since a murderer was condemned to
+suffer death by the sword, at a town in western Normandy; and, on the
+morning of the execution, two senior pupils of the Jesuit-seminary went,
+by permission of their superiors, to view a spectacle of rare occurrence
+in that province. The cordial intimacy subsisting between these youths
+had long been a problem, both to their teachers and schoolfellows. So
+widely different, indeed, were they in appearance and character, and so
+harshly did the ferocity and cunning of the one contrast with the pure
+and gentle habits of the other, that they were called the "Wolf and the
+Lamb."
+
+The older of them, named Bartholdy, was a native of Strasburg, tall and
+robust in person, but high-shouldered, stooping, and in dress and gait
+slovenly and clownish. His yellow visage was deeply furrowed with the
+small-pox, and his remarkably large and staring eyes, which were of a
+pale and milky blue, indicated a dulness bordering on imbecility. This
+appearance, however, was belied by his habitual cunning, and by the
+dexterity with which he often contrived to exculpate himself under
+criminatory circumstances. His spreading jawbones, large mouth, and
+coarsely-moulded lips, truly betokened his proneness to sensual
+gratifications; and the collective expression of his forbidding features
+was so remarkable, that a single glance sufficed to fix it in the memory
+for ever. It was rumoured in the seminary, that this youth had been sent
+by his friends to a school so remote from Strasburg in consequence of
+some highly culpable irregularities; and certainly these rumours were
+justified by occasional instances of wolfish ferocity and deliberate
+duplicity, for which he was severely but vainly punished.
+
+Florian, the friend of Bartholdy, although nearly of the same age, was
+shorter by the head. His figure was slender and elegant--his countenance
+eminently prepossessing and ingenuous. His complexion was of that pure
+red and white, through which every flitting emotion is instantaneously
+legible. His hazel eyes sparkled with intelligence; locks of glossy
+chestnut curled round his fair and open forehead; and there was about
+his lips and smile a winning grace, which, at maturer age, would have
+been thought too feminine. Although not regularly handsome, there was in
+his form and features that harmonious configuration which is termed
+beauty of character, and which, when accompanied by the correspondent
+moral graces of gentleness and refinement, often lays a more enduring
+hold of the affections than beauty of a more dignified and masculine
+order. An habitual and blushing timidity of address, of which he was
+painfully conscious, made him shrink from a free and general intercourse
+with his fellow-pupils. He had few friends, because his bashful habits
+had made him fastidious and reserved; but his gentle and unassuming
+deportment, and the invariable sweetness of his temper, endeared him to
+the few who had penetration enough to discern his real merits; and so
+far recommended him to all, that the existence of an enemy was
+impossible.
+
+Thus widely opposite in physical and moral attributes were Florian and
+Bartholdy; and yet so cordial appeared their attachment, so incessant
+was their intercourse, that the presiding Jesuits could only solve this
+psychological enigma by conjecturing that Bartholdy, whose fierce temper
+and great bodily strength made him detested and shunned by every other
+boy, had found in the gentle sympathies of the unspoiled and credulous
+Florian a relief which long habit had made essential to him. It is
+probable, too, that the often guilty, and ever equivocal Bartholdy, had
+found a protecting influence in the warm adherence of one whose purity
+of mind and character were universally acknowledged. His specious
+reasoning rarely failed to convince the confiding Florian that he was
+unjustly accused, and on several occasions he was screened from
+well-merited punishment by the favourable testimony of a friend whose
+veracity was above all suspicion.
+
+Florian, on the other hand, was flattered by the consciousness of his
+power to protect one so much feared by all but himself, and whom he
+thought unjustly persecuted. He was bound to him also by the tie of
+gratitude, for the protection which he derived from the size and
+strength of Bartholdy when insulted or aggrieved in the quarrels which
+so often occur in large seminaries. Gradually, however, this exclusive
+intercourse with one so generally detested, alienated from Florian the
+good-will of his schoolfellows. Even the few who had most esteemed him,
+now shunned his society; and the two friends, finding themselves
+excluded from all participation in the sports and feelings of others,
+became more than ever essential to each other. This enduring intimacy of
+two beings so opposite had been long watched by the Jesuits who
+conducted the establishment; but, with their wonted sagacity, they
+forbore to check this singular friendship; not, however, in the hope of
+any amelioration in the habits of Bartholdy, but with a view to learn
+from the unqualified sincerity of Florian what the duplicity of the
+other would have concealed. Hoping that the trying spectacle of a public
+execution would make a salutary impression upon the hitherto callous
+feelings of Bartholdy, the reverend fathers had permitted him and his
+friend to be present on this awful occasion. Florian, who, at the
+urgent and often-repeated entreaties of Bartholdy, had applied for this
+permission, followed him with reluctant steps, and a heart beating with
+terror, and was prevented only by the jeers and remonstrances of his
+companion from running back to school, and burying his head under his
+bed-clothes, until the rush of the excited multitude, and the deep
+rolling of the drums and deathbells, had ceased. As usual, however, his
+complying temper yielded to the persuasion of his plausible and reckless
+friend, with whom he gained an elevated station, and so near the
+scaffold as to enable them to discern the features of the hapless
+criminal. Florian saw him kneel before the headsman; the broad weapon
+glittered in the sun-beams, and the assumed firmness of the trembling
+gazer utterly failed him. An ashy paleness overspread his features; his
+joints shook with terror; and closing his eyes, he saved himself from
+falling by clinging to the arm of Bartholdy, who, with unshaken nerves,
+opened to their full extent his large dull eyes, and glutted his savage
+curiosity by gazing with intense eagerness on the appalling scene. In a
+few seconds the severed head fell upon the scaffold; the headsman's
+assistant, grasping the matted locks, held it aloft to the gazing crowd;
+and Bartholdy exclaimed, with heartless indifference, "Come along,
+Florian! 'tis all over, and capitally done! I would bet a louis that you
+saw nothing, and yet your face looks as white as if it had left your
+shoulders. Be more a man, Florian. If thus daunted at the sight of
+another's execution, how would you face your own, if destined to mount
+the scaffold?"
+
+"Face my own!" exclaimed Florian, shuddering at the suggestion. "God
+forbid! I shall take good care to avoid it."
+
+"Say not so," rejoined Bartholdy; "no man can avoid his doom; and it may
+be yours or mine to die upon the scaffold. _Avoid it_, indeed! I wish
+from my soul that you had never uttered those unlucky words. How often
+do the very evils we most carefully shun fall upon our devoted heads! My
+mind has been long made up to avoid nothing; and, soon as I become my
+own master, I will throw myself on the world, and grapple with it
+boldly. _Avoid_ your destiny, indeed! Beware of using those words again;
+for, trust me, Florian, they bode no good to you."
+
+The timid Florian felt his blood freeze as he listened; but,
+recollecting himself, he was about to express his perfect reliance upon
+the integrity of his life and principles, when he shuddered with new
+dismay as he recollected the judicial murder of Calas, and considered
+the complexities of human and circumstantial evidence. In deep and
+silent dejection, he walked homeward with his friend. He felt as if his
+existence had been blighted by some sudden and dreadful calamity; and
+even fancied that he saw his future fate rising before him in storm and
+darkness, through which menacing images were indistinctly shadowed.
+Bartholdy, meanwhile, appeared as much exhilarated as if returning from
+a comedy, and amused himself with making sarcastic and ludicrous remarks
+upon the saddened countenances of the returning spectators.
+
+The lapse of several months gradually weakened the strong hold which the
+execution, and the strange comments of Bartholdy, had laid upon the
+imagination of Florian, but they tended to increase the timid indecision
+of his character, and induced a disposition to endure, in uncomplaining
+silence, many school annoyances, which more energy of character would
+have easily repelled. An extraordinary incident, however, gave a new
+turn to his situation. About six months after the execution, Bartholdy
+suddenly disappeared from the seminary; and this unaccountable event, by
+which Florian was the only sufferer, was neither explained nor even
+alluded to by the reverend fathers. To the scholars, who in vain sought
+an explanation of this mystery from the friend of Bartholdy, it was for
+some weeks a subject of wondering conjecture, which soon, however,
+subsided into indifference with all save Florian. He had lost his only,
+and, as he firmly believed, his sincerely attached friend and companion;
+and as this friendship had deprived him of the sympathy of every other
+schoolfellow, he had now no alternative but to retire within himself,
+and lean upon his own thoughts and resources. For some time he brooded
+incessantly upon the strange disappearance of his friend. He recollected
+that for several days preceding the event, the spirits of Bartholdy were
+so obviously depressed as to create inquiries, to which his replies were
+vague and unsatisfactory. Notwithstanding the guarded silence of the
+reverend fathers, it was evident to Florian that his friend had not
+absconded from the seminary, as not only his clothes and books, but even
+his bed, had disappeared with him. One article only remained, which had
+been left in the custody of Florian. It was a large clasp-knife, of
+excellent workmanship and finish. The handle was of the purest ivory,
+wrought in curious devices, and the long blade, which terminated in a
+sharp point, was secured from closing by a powerful spring, thus serving
+the double purpose of a knife and dagger. The owner of this remarkable
+weapon had told Florian that it was precious to him, as the legacy of a
+near relative, and requested him to take charge of it, from an
+apprehension that, if discovered in his own possession, it would either
+be stolen by the boys, or taken from him by the Jesuit fathers. "And
+now," sighed Florian, as he gazed with painful recollections on the
+knife, "it is too probably lost to him for ever. But if he is still in
+being, I may yet see and restore to him his favourite knife; and that I
+may be always ready to restore it, as well as in remembrance of the
+owner, I will henceforth always carry it about me."
+
+During the remainder of Florian's stay at the seminary, his thoughts
+continually reverted to his lost friend, who had, he feared, from a
+mysterious expression of the presiding Jesuit, met with some terrible
+calamity. During confession, he had once expressed his grief for the
+sudden deprivation of his friend, when, to his great surprise, the
+venerable priest, placing his hand solemnly upon the fair and innocent
+brow of Florian, exclaimed with fervent emphasis, "Thank God, my son,
+that it has so happened!"
+
+Florian often pondered upon these remarkable words, which, until some
+years after his departure from school, he could never satisfactorily
+interpret. For a long period he fondly cherished the memory of
+Bartholdy, and this feeling was prolonged by the knife, which, from
+habit, he continued to carry about him, even when the lapse of time had
+reconciled him to the loss of his early friend, and his riper judgment
+told him that that friend had unworthily imposed upon his credulity, and
+that the consequences of their exclusive intimacy still exercised a
+pernicious influence upon his character and his happiness.
+
+About three years after the disappearance of Bartholdy, the guardians of
+Florian, who had been an orphan from infancy, removed him from the
+seminary, and placed him as a law-student at the University of D.; but
+here again, although advantageously introduced and recommended, he found
+himself a stranger, unheeded, and desolate. His timid and now invincible
+reserve, which prevented all advances on his part towards a frank and
+social communion with his fellow-students, chilled that disposition to
+cultivate his acquaintance, which his graceful person and intelligent
+physiognomy had excited; while his hesitating indecision, at every
+trivial and commonplace incident, made him ridiculous to the few who had
+been won, by his prepossessing exterior, to occasional intercourse.
+Thus, amidst numbers of his own age and pursuit, and in the dense
+population of a city, the timid Florian continued as deficient as a
+child in all practical acquaintance with society. Without a single
+friend or associate, he acquired the habits of a solitary recluse; and,
+yielding supinely to what now appeared to him his destiny, he became
+anxious, disconsolate, and misanthropic. Conscious, however, that in
+France a sound and comprehensive knowledge of jurisprudence was a
+frequent avenue to honourable civic appointments, and yet overlooking
+his own incompetency to make any degree of legal knowledge available for
+this purpose, he pursued his studies for some years with indefatigable
+assiduity; and during the last year of his stay at D. his endeavours to
+insure himself, by accumulated knowledge, an honourable support, were
+stimulated by a growing attachment to the lovely daughter of a merchant,
+through whose agency he drew occasional supplies of money from his
+guardians.
+
+But even the passion of love, which so often rouses the latent powers of
+the diffident into life and energy, failed to inspire the timid Florian
+with that external ardour and prompt assiduity so essential to success;
+and although the fair object of his regard did not appear insensible to
+his silent and gentle homage, he never could collect resolution to
+reveal his feelings. His diffidence was increased, too, by the unmeaning
+gallantry of two young and lively officers of the garrison, who,
+although precluded by their nobility from marriage with the daughter of
+a citizen, employed a portion of their abundant leisure in making
+skirmishing experiments upon the affections of the lovely Angelique.
+While these military butterflies were fluttering round the woman he
+loved, poor Florian, daunted by the painful consciousness of his
+comparative disadvantages, rarely presumed to enter the villa in which
+her father resided, about half a league beyond the city gates, and
+endeavoured to console himself by wandering in a pleasant grove
+immediately contiguous. Here a majestic elm was endeared to him by the
+knowledge that his beloved Angelique often took her work to a turf seat
+beneath its spreading branches. Here, too, he sometimes left a flower,
+or other silent token of his regard, the ascertained acceptance of which
+did not, however, encourage him to any decisive measure. At length
+arrived the autumnal vacation, which closed his academic studies; and he
+determined to pass the winter in his native province, where he thought
+the influence of his guardians, and the favourable testimony of his
+Jesuit teachers, would procure for him such recommendations as might
+render his extensive legal knowledge available for his future support.
+He proposed to return in the ensuing spring to D.; and should his
+mistress have stood the test of six months' absence, and still regard
+him with an eye of favour, he would then openly declare himself. He
+called upon her father at his counting-house, and after explaining to
+him the probable advantages of his visit to Normandy, bade him farewell,
+and hastened with a beating heart to the villa, where he had the good
+fortune to find his Angelique alone. Always timid and irresolute in her
+presence, the fear of betraying his feelings on this occasion made him
+tremble as he approached her. Her young cheek glowed with unaffected
+blushes, as she observed a confusion which led her to anticipate an
+avowal of his attachment; and when he merely told her that he was going
+to pass the winter in Normandy, and had called to say farewell, her fine
+eyes became humid with the starting tears of sudden and uncontrollable
+emotion. Yet even this obvious proof of sympathy failed to encourage
+the timid and ever-doubting Florian. Persuaded that he had nothing but
+his sincerity to recommend him, he dreaded a repulse; and, pressing with
+gentle fervour her proffered hand, he hastily quitted the apartment
+without daring to take another look.
+
+After having secured a place in the diligence for the following morning,
+he called upon the few acquaintances he had in D., and late in the
+afternoon repaired with eager haste to the grove behind the abode of
+Angelique. He had determined that his favourite elm, hitherto the only
+witness of his love, should become the medium of a more palpable
+declaration of his feelings than he had hitherto dared to convey.
+Intending to carve in the bark the initial letters of his own and his
+fair one's names within the outline of a heart, he drew from his pocket
+the ivory clasp-knife of Bartholdy, which, after seven years of faithful
+custody, he had begun to consider as his own; and, kneeling on the bank
+of turf, he was enabled, by the sharpness of the point, to cut in deep
+and firm characters the initials of the name so dear to him. Laying down
+the knife upon the seat, he gazed, with folded arms, upon the beloved
+cipher, and fell into one of his accustomed reveries. An hour had thus
+elapsed, when suddenly he was roused from his dream of bliss by tones of
+loud and vehement contention at no great distance from the elm.
+Prompted by his natural aversion for scenes of violence, he concealed
+himself behind the tree, from whence he was enabled to discern his two
+military rivals, out of uniform, approaching the elm, and indicating, by
+furious tones and gestures, feelings of mutual and deadly animosity.
+Florian, whose sense of the awkwardness of his situation was increased
+by his timidity, fancied that he should be accused of listening to their
+conversation, and, retreating unobserved into the wood, he had gained
+the high-road before he recollected that he had left his knife on the
+seat of turf. Ashamed of his cowardice, he determined to return and
+claim it, in the event of its having been discovered and taken by one of
+the contending parties. He was solicitous, also, to complete the
+intended cipher on the bark of the elm, while there was light enough for
+his purpose; and concluding that his angry rivals had walked on in
+another direction, he hastily retraced his steps. Looking over some tall
+evergreen shrubs, which were separated by a footpath from the elm, he
+observed that the turf-seat was unoccupied. Supposing, from the total
+silence, that the hostile youths had quitted the grove, he emerged from
+the evergreens with confidence, and approached the tree, but recoiled in
+sudden horror, as he almost stepped upon the body of one of his rivals,
+who lay dead on his back, while the blood was issuing in torrents from a
+wound in his throat, inflicted by the knife of Bartholdy, the
+remarkable handle of which protruded from the deep incision. His blood
+froze as he gazed on this sad spectacle; and covering his face with his
+hands, he stood for some moments over the body in stolid and sickening
+horror. Soon, however, his strong antipathy to scenes of bloodshed and
+violence impelled him to rush, with headlong precipitation, from the
+fatal spot. Leaving his knife in the wound, he darted forward through
+the wood, and fortunately without meeting any one within or near it.
+When he reached the high-road, the darkness had so much increased as to
+render his features undistinguishable to the passengers, and, running
+towards the city, he soon reached the public promenade without the
+barriers, where he threw himself upon a bench, exhausted with terror and
+fatigue. Looking fearfully around him through the darkness, he
+endeavoured to collect his reasoning faculties, and immediately the
+recollection that he had left his knife in the throat of the murdered
+officer flashed upon him. With this fatal weapon were connected many old
+associations, which now crowded with sickening potency upon his memory.
+Again he saw the sarcastic grin with which his friend had said, "What we
+most carefully shun, is most likely to befall us." And would not the
+remarkable knife of Bartholdy too probably verify the malignant prophecy
+of its owner? Forgetful of the improbability that any one had seen in
+his possession a knife which, before that evening, he had never used,
+his senses yielded to an irresistible conviction, that this instrument
+of another's guilt would betray and lead him to the scaffold. Immediate
+flight was the only resource which presented itself to his bewildered
+judgment; and, rising from the bench, he hastened to his lodgings, to
+complete his preparations for departure the following morning. After a
+sleepless night, during which he started at every sound with
+apprehension of a nocturnal visit from the police, he proceeded at
+daybreak, with a heavy heart, to the post-house, where, observing a
+carrier's waggon on the point of departure for Normandy, he availed
+himself of the opportunity to facilitate his escape, by putting a few
+essentials into a cloak-bag, and forwarding his heavy trunk by the
+carrier. After some delay, of which every moment appeared an age, the
+diligence departed; and when the church-towers were lost in distance,
+the goading terrors of the unhappy fugitive yielded for a time to
+feelings of comparative security. His apprehensions, however, were
+renewed by every rising cloud of dust behind the diligence, and by every
+equestrian who followed and passed the vehicle. In vain did he endeavour
+to console himself with the consciousness that he was innocent, and
+under the protection of a just and merciful Providence. The judicial
+murder of Calas, and of other innocent sufferers, detailed in the
+_Causes Celebres_ of Pitaval, were ever present to his fevered fancy;
+and when he closed his eyes and assumed the semblance of sleep, to avoid
+the conversation of his fellow-travellers, his imagination conjured up
+the staring orbs and satanic smile of Bartholdy, who pointed at him
+jeeringly, and exclaimed, "In vain you seek to shun your destiny! In
+France, the innocent and the guilty bleed alike upon the scaffold." And
+then he shouted in the ear of Florian, "Why did you part with the knife
+I confided to you? Why provoke me to become your evil genius?" Or, with
+a hoarse and fiendish laugh, he seemed to whisper to the shrinking
+fugitive--"You are a doomed man, Florian! doomed to the scaffold!"
+
+Thus busily did the frenzied fancy of the unhappy youth call up a
+succession of imaginary terrors, until at dusk the diligence stopped at
+a solitary inn, and Florian heard, with new alarm, that here the
+passengers were to remain the night. "And here," thought the timid
+fugitive, "I shall certainly be overtaken and arrested by the
+gens-d'armes." A traveller, who arrived soon after the diligence, and
+supped with the passengers, afforded him, however, another chance of
+escape. This man was lamenting that, at a neighbouring fair, he had not
+been able to sell an excellent horse, and Florian, watching his
+opportunity, concluded the purchase with little bargaining. Pleading the
+necessity of going forward on urgent business, he mounted his purchase,
+and quitted the inn-yard, with a heart lightened by the certainty that
+he should gain a night upon his pursuers. At that time France was at
+peace both abroad and at home; passports were not essential to the
+native traveller; and Florian, turning down the first cross-road,
+proceeded rapidly all night, and the four following days; pausing
+occasionally to refresh his wearied steed, changing his name whenever he
+was required to declare it, and observing a zigzag direction to blind
+his pursuers. On the fifth morning he found himself in a fertile
+district of central France; and, considering himself safe from all
+immediate danger, he pursued his journey more leisurely between the
+vine-covered and gently-swelling hills, until the noonday heat and dusty
+road made him sensibly feel the want of refreshment. While gazing around
+him for some hamlet or cottage to pause at, his attention was caught by
+sounds of lamentation at no great distance, and a sudden turn in the
+road revealed to him a prostrate mule, vainly endeavouring to regain his
+legs, one of which was broken. A tall boy, in peasant garb, was
+scratching his head in rustic embarrassment at this dilemma, and near
+him stood a young and very lovely woman, wringing her hands in
+perplexity, and lamenting over the unfortunate mule, a remarkably fine
+animal, and caparisoned with a completeness which indicated the easy
+circumstances of his owner. Florian immediately stopped his horse, and,
+with his wonted kindness, dismounted to offer his assistance. The young
+woman said nothing as he approached, but her beautiful dark eyes
+appealed to him for aid and counsel with an eloquence which reached
+his heart in a moment. Examining the mule, he said, after some
+consideration, "There is no hope for the poor animal; and the most
+humane expedient will be to shoot him as soon as possible. Your
+side-saddle can be strapped on my horse, which shall convey you to the
+next village, or as much farther as you like, if you have no objection
+to the conveyance."
+
+Expressing her thanks with engaging frankness and cordiality, the
+fair traveller told him that she was returning from a visit to some
+relations, and that she was still four leagues from her father's house.
+She would gladly, she said, avail herself of his kind offer, but
+insisted that her servant should not kill her favourite mule until she
+was out of sight and hearing. Then turning briskly towards Florian,
+she told him that she was ready to proceed, but objected to the exchange
+of saddles; and, as she was accustomed to ride on a pillion, would
+rather sit behind him as well as she could, than give him the trouble
+of walking four leagues. Finding all opposition fruitless, Florian
+remounted; and, with the assistance of her servant, the fair unknown was
+soon seated behind him. Blushing and laughing at the necessity, she put
+an arm around his waist to support herself, and then begged him to
+proceed without delay, as she was anxious to reach home before night.
+
+Conversing as they journeyed onward, their communications became every
+moment more cordial and interesting; and as Florian felt the warm hand
+of his lovely companion near his heart, he began to feel a soothing
+sense of gratification, which cheered and elevated his perturbed
+spirits. He had never before found himself in such near and agreeable
+relation to a beautiful and lively woman; and whenever he turned his
+head to speak or listen, he found the finest black eyes, and the most
+lovely mouth he had ever seen, within a few inches of his own. So
+potent, indeed, was the charm of her look and language, that he forgot,
+for a time, the timid graces and less sparkling beauty of her he had
+lost for ever, and was insensibly beguiled of all his fears and sorrows
+as he listened to the lively sallies of this laughter-loving fair one.
+Meanwhile they had quitted the cross-road in which he had discovered
+her, and pursued, by her direction, the great road from Paris towards
+eastern France. Here, however, he remarked, with surprise, that she
+invariably drew the large hood of her cloak over her face when any
+travellers passed them; and his surprise was converted into uneasiness
+and suspicion, when, after commencing the last league of their journey,
+she drew the hood entirely over her face; and her conversation, before
+so animated and flowing, was succeeded by total silence, or by replies
+so brief and disjointed as to indicate that her thoughts were intensely
+preoccupied.
+
+The sun had reached the horizon when they arrived within a short
+half-league of the town before them, and here she suddenly asked her
+conductor whether he intended to travel farther before morning. Florian,
+hoping to obtain some clue to her name and residence, replied that he
+was undetermined; on which she advised him to give a night's rest to his
+jaded horse, and strongly recommended to him an hotel, the name and
+situation of which she minutely described. He promised to comply with
+her recommendations; and immediately, by a prompt and vigorous effort,
+she threw herself from the horse to the ground. Hastily arranging her
+disordered travelling-dress, she approached him, clasped his hand in
+both her own and thanked him, in brief but fervent terms, for the
+important service he had rendered her. "And now," added she, in visible
+embarrassment, as she raised her hood, and looked fearfully around, "I
+have another favour to request. My father would not approve of your
+accompanying me home, nor must the town gossips see me at this hour with
+a young man and a stranger: you will, therefore, oblige me by resting
+your horse here for half an hour, that I may reach the town before you.
+Will you do me this favour?" she repeated, with a pleading look. "Most
+certainly I will," replied the good-natured but disappointed Florian.
+"Farewell, then," she cordially rejoined, "and may Heaven reward your
+kindness!"
+
+Bounding forward with a light and rapid step, she soon disappeared round
+a sharp angle in the road, occasioned by a sudden bend of the adjacent
+river. Florian, dismounting to relieve his horse, gazed admiringly upon
+her elastic step and well-turned figure, until she was out of sight. He
+recollected, with a sigh of regret, the sprightly graces and artless
+intelligence of her conversation; again the sense of his desolate and
+perilous condition smote him; he felt himself more than ever forlorn and
+unhappy, and reproached himself for the helpless bashfulness which had
+prevented him from inquiring more urgently the name and residence of
+this charming stranger. While thus painfully musing, the time she had
+prescribed elapsed; and Florian, remounting, let the bridle fall upon
+the neck of the exhausted animal, which paced towards the town as
+deliberately as the unknown fair one could have wished. At a short
+distance from the town-gate the high-road passed under an archway,
+composing part of a detached house of Gothic and ancient structure;
+and on the town side of the arch was a toll-bar, at which a boy was
+stationed, who held out his hat to Florian, and demanded half a sous.
+"For what?" asked Florian.
+
+"A long-established toll, sir," said the boy; "and if you have a
+compassionate heart, you will give another half-sous to the condemned
+criminals," he continued, as he pointed to an iron box, placed near the
+house door, under a figure of the Virgin. Shuddering at the words,
+Florian threw some copper coins into the box; and, as he hastened
+forward, endeavoured to banish the painful association of ideas, by
+fixing his thoughts upon the mysterious fair one. Suspecting, from the
+pressing manner in which she had recommended a particular hotel to his
+preference, that, if he went there, he might possibly see or hear from
+her in the morning, he proceeded to the Henri Quatre, which proved to be
+an hotel of third-rate importance, but well suited to his limited means,
+and recommending itself by an air of cleanliness and comfort. The
+evenings at this season were cool; and as it would have required some
+time to heat the parlour, the landlord proposed to him to sit down and
+take some refreshment in his well-warmed kitchen. Florian complied with
+this invitation, but not without some apprehension of the presence of
+strangers; and, stepping into the kitchen, was relieved by the discovery
+that it was occupied only by servants, who were too busily engaged in
+preparing supper to take notice of him.
+
+Sitting down in a corner near the fire, the combined effects of a genial
+warmth and excessive fatigue threw him into a sound sleep, which lasted
+several hours, and would have continued much longer, had he not been
+roused by the landlord, who told him that his supper had been ready some
+time, but that he had been unwilling to disturb a slumber so profound.
+In fact, the repose of the unfortunate fugitive had not, during the five
+preceding nights, been so continuous and refreshing, so free from
+painful and menacing visions. Rising drowsily from his chair, he
+followed the landlord to a table where a roasted capon and a glass jug
+of bright wine waited his arrival. The servants had all retired for the
+night,--the landlord quitted the kitchen, and Florian, busily engaged in
+dissecting the fowl, thought himself the sole tenant of the spacious
+apartment, when, looking accidentally towards the fire, he saw with
+surprise that the chair he had just quitted was occupied. Looking more
+intently, he distinguished a short man of more than middle age, whose
+square and sturdy figure was partially concealed by a capacious mantle.
+His hair was grey, his forehead seamed with broad wrinkles, and his
+bushy brows beetled over a set of features stern and massive as if cast
+in iron. His eyes were small and deep-set, but of a lustrous black; and
+Florian observed with dismay that they were fixed upon his countenance
+with a look of searching scrutiny. It was near midnight, and in the
+deep silence which reigned through the house, this motionless attitude,
+and marble fixedness of look, gave to the stranger's appearance a
+character so appalling, that, had he not broken the spell by stooping
+to light his pipe, the excited Florian would ere long have thought him
+an unearthly object. The stranger now quitted his seat by the fire,
+took from a table near him a jug of wine, and approached the wondering
+Florian. "With your leave, my good sir," he began, "I will take a chair
+by your table. A little friendly gossip is the best of all seasoning to
+a glass of wine."
+
+Without waiting for a reply, the old man seated himself directly
+opposite to Florian, and again fixed a scrutinising gaze upon
+his countenance. The conscious fugitive, who felt a growing and
+unaccountable dread of this singular intruder, muttered a brief assent,
+and continued to eat his supper in silent but obvious embarrassment;
+stealing now and then a timid look at the stranger, but hastily
+withdrawing his furtive glances as he felt the beams of the old man's
+small and vivid eyes penetrating his very soul. He observed that the
+features of his tormentor were cast in a vulgar mould, but his gaze was
+widely different from that of clownish curiosity, and there was in his
+deportment a stern and steady self-possession, which suggested to the
+alarmed Florian a suspicion that he was an agent of the police, who had
+probably tracked him through the cross-roads he had traversed in his
+flight from D. The rich colour of his cheeks turned to an ashy paleness
+at this appalling conjecture; and, leaving his supper unfinished, he
+rose abruptly from the table to quit the room, when the old man,
+starting suddenly from his chair, seized the shaking hand of Florian,
+and, looking cautiously around him, said in subdued but impressive
+tones--"It is not accident, young man, which brings us together at this
+hour. I came in while you were asleep, and begged the landlord would not
+awaken you, that I might say a few words to you in confidence, after the
+servants had gone to bed."
+
+"To me?" exclaimed Florian, in anxious wonder.
+
+"Hush!" said the old man, again looking round the kitchen. "My object
+is to give you a friendly warning; for, if I am not for the first time
+mistaken in these matters, you are menaced with a formidable danger."
+
+"Danger?" repeated the pallid Florian, in a voice scarcely audible.
+
+"And have you not good reason to expect this danger?" continued the
+stranger. "Your sudden paleness tells me that you know it. I am an old
+man, and my life has been a rough pilgrimage, but I have still a warm
+heart, and can make large allowances for the headlong impetuosities
+which too often plunge a young man into crime. You may safely trust
+one," he continued, placing his hand upon his heart, "in whose bosom
+the confessions of many hapless fugitives repose, and will repose, so
+long as life beats in my pulses. I betray no man who confides in me,
+were he stained even with _blood_."
+
+Pausing a little, he fixed a keenly searching look upon the shrinking
+youth, and then whispered in his ear--"Young man! you have a _murder_
+on your conscience!"
+
+For a moment the apprehensions of Florian yielded to a lofty sense of
+indignation at this groundless charge. "It is false, old man!" he
+exclaimed with energy. "I swear by the just God who searches all hearts,
+that I am not conscious of _any_ crime."
+
+"I shall rejoice to learn that I am mistaken," replied the old man, with
+evident gratification, as again he fixed his searching orbs upon the
+indignant Florian. "If you are innocent, it will be all the better for
+both of us; but," he continued, after a hasty look around him, "the
+danger I alluded to still hangs over your head. I trust, however, that
+with God's help I shall be able to shield you from it."
+
+Florian, too much alarmed to reply, looked at him doubtingly. "I will
+deal candidly with you," resumed the old man, after a pause of
+reflection. "When you rode by my house this evening"----
+
+"Who and what are you?" exclaimed Florian, in new astonishment.
+
+"Have a little patience, young man!" replied the stranger, while his
+iron features relaxed into a good-natured smile. "Do you recollect the
+tall archway under an old house where a toll of half a sous was demanded
+from you? That house is mine; and I was sitting by the window as you
+threw an alms into the box for the condemned criminals. Had you then
+looked upward, you would have seen a naked sword and a bright axe
+suspended over your head."
+
+At these words Florian shuddered, and involuntarily retreated some paces
+from his companion. "I see by your flinching," sternly resumed the old
+man, "that you guess who is before you. You are right, young man! I _am_
+the town executioner, but an honest man withal, and well inclined to
+render you essential service. Now, mark me! When you stopped beneath the
+broad blade, it quivered, and jarred against the axe. Whoever is thus
+greeted by the headsman's sword is inevitably doomed to come in contact
+with it. I heard the boding jar, which every executioner in France well
+knows how to interpret, and I immediately determined to follow and to
+warn you."
+
+The unhappy youth, who had listened in disheartening emotion to this
+strange communication, now yielded to a sense of ungovernable terror.
+Covering with both his hands his pallid face, he exclaimed, in nameless
+agony--"O God! in thy infinite mercy, save me!"
+
+"Hah!" ejaculated the headsman sternly, "have I then roused your
+sleeping conscience? However, whether you conclude to open or to shut
+your heart, is now immaterial. In either case, I will never betray
+you--for accusation and judgment belong not to my office. Profit,
+therefore, as you best may, by my well-intended warning. Alas! alas!"
+he muttered between his closed teeth, "that one so young should dip
+his hands in blood!"
+
+"By all that is sacred!" exclaimed Florian, with trembling eagerness, "I
+am innocent of murder, and incapable of falsehood; and yet so disastrous
+is my destiny, that I am beset with peril and suspicion. You are an
+utter stranger to me, but you appear to have benevolence and worldly
+wisdom. Listen to my tale, and then in mercy give me aid and counsel."
+
+He now unfolded to the executioner the extraordinary chain of
+circumstances which had compelled him to seek security in flight, and
+told his tale of trials with an artless and single-hearted simplicity
+of language, look, and gesture, which carried with it irresistible
+conviction of his innocence. The rigid features of the headsman
+gradually relaxed, as he listened, into a cheerful and even cordial
+expression; then warmly grasping the hand of Florian as he concluded,
+he said, "Well! well! I see how it is. In my profession we learn how to
+read human nature. When I watched your slumber, I thought your sleep
+looked very like the sleep of innocence; and now I believe from my soul
+that you are as guiltless of this murder as I am. With God's help I will
+yet save you from this peril; and, indeed, had you killed your rival in
+sudden quarrel, I would have done as much for you, for I well know that
+sudden wrath has made many a good man blood-guilty. There was certainly
+some danger of your being implicated by the singular circumstances you
+have detailed; but the real and formidable peril has grown out of your
+flight. That was a blunder, young man! but I see no reason to despair.
+'Tis true, the broad blade has denounced you, and my grandfather and
+father, as well as myself, have traced criminals by its guidance; but I
+know that the sword will speak alike to its master and its victim. You
+have yet to learn, young man, that in this life every man is either an
+anvil or a hammer, a tool or a victim; and that he who boldly grasps the
+blade will never be its victim. Briefly, then, I feel a regard for you.
+I have no sons, but I have a young and lovely daughter. Marry her, and I
+will adopt you as my successor. You will then fulfil your destiny by
+coming in contact with the sword; and, if you clutch it firmly, I will
+pledge myself that you never die by it."
+
+At this strange proposal Florian started on his feet with indignant
+abhorrence. "Hold!" continued the headsman coolly. "Why hurry your
+decision? The night is long, and favourable to reflection. Bestow a full
+and fair consideration upon my proposal, and recollect that your neck is
+in peril; that all your prospects in life are blasted; and that my offer
+of a safe asylum, and a competent support, can alone preserve you from
+despair and destruction. The sword has sent you a helper in the hour of
+need, and if you reject the friendly warning, you will soon discover
+that the consciousness of innocence will not protect a blushing and
+irresolute fugitive from the proverbial ubiquity and prompt severity of
+the French police."
+
+The headsman now emptied his glass, and with a friendly nod left
+the kitchen. Soon after his departure the landlord appeared with a
+night-lamp, and conducted Florian to his apartment. Without undressing,
+the bewildered youth extinguished his lamp, and threw himself on the
+bed, hoping that the darkness would accelerate the approach of sleep,
+and of that oblivion which in his happier days had always accompanied
+it. Vain, however, for some hours, was every attempt to lull his senses
+into forgetfulness. The revolting proposal of the old man haunted him
+incessantly.
+
+"I become an"----he muttered indignantly, but could never utter the
+hateful word. The shrinking diffidence which had been a fertile source
+of difficulty to him through life, had been increased tenfold by his
+recent calamities; he was conscious even to agony of his total inability
+to contend with the consequences of his imprudent and cowardly flight;
+but from _such_ means of escape he recoiled with unutterable loathing.
+He felt that he should never have resolution to grasp the sword which
+was to save him from being numbered with its victims, and yet his
+invincible abhorrence of this alternative failed to rouse in him the
+moral courage which would have promptly rescued him from the toils of
+the cunning headsman. The broken slumber into which he fell before
+morning was haunted by boding forms and tragic incidents. The sword, the
+axe, the scaffold, and the rack, flitted around him in quick procession,
+and seemed to close every avenue to escape. He awoke from these visions
+of horror at daybreak, and left his bed as wearied in body, and as
+irresolute in mind, as when he entered it. Dreading alike a renewal of
+the executioner's proposal, and the risk of being arrested and tried for
+murder, he saw no alternative but flight--immediate flight beyond the
+bounds of France. While pondering over the best means of accomplishing
+this now settled purpose, the tin weathercock upon the roof of his
+bedroom creaked in the morning breeze. Florian, to whose excited fancy
+the headsman's sword was ever present, thought he heard it jar against
+the axe, and started in sudden terror. "Whither shall I fly?" he
+exclaimed, as tears of agony rolled down his cheeks--"where find
+a refuge from the sword of justice? Alas! my doom is fixed and
+unalterable. Anvil or hammer I must be, and I have not courage to
+become either."
+
+Again the weathercock creaked above him, and more intelligibly than
+before. Florian, discovering the simple cause of his terrors, rallied
+his drooping spirits, and hastened down-stairs to order his horse, that
+he might leave the hotel and the town before the promised visit of the
+fearful headsman. Notwithstanding his urgency, he found his departure
+unaccountably delayed. The servants were not visible, and the landlord,
+insisting that he should take a warm breakfast before his departure, was
+so dilatory in preparing it, that a full hour elapsed before Florian
+rode out of the stable-yard. His officious host then persisted in
+sending a boy to show him the nearest way to the town gate; and the
+impatient traveller, who would gladly have declined the offer, found
+himself obliged to submit. His guide accompanied him to the extremity
+of the small suburb beyond the eastern gate, and quitted him; while
+Florian, whose ever-ready apprehensions had been roused by the tenacious
+civility of the landlord, rode slowly forward, looking around
+occasionally at his returning guide, and determining to take the first
+cross-road he could find. A little farther he discovered the entrance
+of a narrow lane, shaded by a double row of lofty chestnuts; and as he
+turned towards it his horse's head, he saw the old man, whose promised
+visit he was endeavouring to escape, issuing from the lane on horseback.
+"I guessed as much," said the headsman, smiling, as he rode up to the
+startled fugitive. "I knew you would try to escape me, but I cannot
+consent that you should thus run headlong into certain destruction. You
+have neither sanguine hopes nor a fixed purpose to support you, and you
+want firmness to answer with discretion the trying questions which will
+everywhere assail you. You are silent--you feel the full extent of your
+danger--why not then embrace the certain protection I offer you? Fear
+not that I shall either repeat or allude to my last night's proposal. My
+sole object is your immediate protection at this critical period, when
+you are doubtless tracked in all directions by the blood-hounds of the
+police. At the frontiers you will inevitably be stopped and identified;
+but under my roof you will be safe from all pursuit and suspicion. I
+live secluded from the world; I have no visitors; and your presence will
+not be suspected by any one. In a few weeks the heat of pursuit will
+abate, and you may then take your departure with renewed courage and
+confidence."
+
+"Courage and confidence!" repeated to himself the timid Florian; "would
+Heaven I had either!" The good sense, however, of the old man's advice
+was so obvious, that he determined to avail himself of so kind an offer.
+Gratefully pressing his hand, he dismissed all doubts of his sincerity,
+and said, "I will accompany you; and may God reward your benevolence,
+for I cannot."
+
+"We must return by the road I came," said the headsman, turning his
+horse. "It will take us outside the town to my house; and, at this hour,
+we shall arrive there unperceived. Your landlord, who is under
+obligations to me, sent you this road at my request. He supposes that
+you are my distant relative, and that, unwilling to appear in public
+with an executioner, you had made an appointment with me for this early
+hour on your way homeward."
+
+After a ride of half an hour through the shady lanes which skirted the
+ramparts, they reached the back entrance of the Gothic building before
+mentioned, and Florian entered this singular sanctuary with emotions not
+easily described. The old headsman was in high spirits; and the blunt
+but genuine kindness and cordiality of his manners soon removed from the
+mind of his guest every lurking suspicion that some treachery was
+intended. The table was promptly covered with an excellent breakfast,
+and the old man sent a message to his daughter, requesting that she
+would bring a bottle of the best wine in the cellar.
+
+Florian fixed his eyes upon the door in shrinking anticipation. He
+suspected new attempts to ensnare him to the headsman's purpose; and
+notwithstanding his firm determination to resist them, he recoiled with
+fastidious disgust from the possible necessity of contending with the
+meretricious advances of a bold and reckless female, whose limited
+opportunities of marriage would impel her to lure him by any means to
+her father's object. How widely different were his emotions when the
+door opened, and his lovely travelling-companion, whom, in the terrors
+of the past night, he had forgotten, entered, in blushing embarrassment,
+with the bottle of wine. In a tumult of mingled apprehension and
+delight, he started from his chair, but the cordial greeting he intended
+was checked by a significant wink from the lively fair one as she passed
+behind her father to the table. It was obvious to Florian that she
+wished to conceal their previous acquaintance, and with a silent bow he
+resumed his seat, while the smiling maid, whom her father introduced to
+his guest by the name of Madelon, took a chair between them, and the
+conversation soon became general and exhilarating.
+
+The continued fever of apprehension which had almost unhinged the reason
+of the timid Florian, now rapidly subsided. The cordial hospitality of
+the old headsman soon made him feel at home in an abode which he had
+once contemplated with horror and disgust; while the artless attentions
+and fascinating vivacity of the pretty Madelon soon wove around him a
+magic spell, and invested the Gothic chambers of her father's antique
+mansion with all the splendours of Aladdin's palace.
+
+Motherless from the age of fourteen, and secluded by her father's
+vocation from all society save occasional intercourse with relatives of
+the same degraded caste, the headsman's daughter had been early
+accustomed to rely upon her own resources.
+
+Most of her leisure hours had been devoted to a comprehensive course of
+historical reading, from which her unpolished but strong-minded father
+conceived that she would derive not only amusement and instruction, but
+that sustaining fortitude so essential to the station in which her
+lot was cast. Thus her innocent and active mind, untainted by the
+licentiousness and infidelity of French romance, acquired concentration
+and strength; the study of sacred and profane history induced habits of
+salutary reflection, and her character gradually developed a masculine
+yet unpretending energy, which admirably fitted her to become the
+helpmate of a man so timid and indecisive as Florian. Her mother was a
+Parisian, of good manners and education, but an orphan and defenceless.
+Persecuted by a licentious nobleman, who, in revenge for her firm
+rejection of his dishonourable addresses, had accused her of theft,
+she had effected her escape from the chateau in which she resided as
+governess to his daughters, to the same town in which Florian had been
+discovered by the headsman. Circumstances somewhat similar, but not
+essential to my narrative, had induced her to accept a temporary asylum
+in the house of the executioner, whose mother was then living; and here,
+in a moment of despair at her destitute and hopeless condition, she
+accepted the often-tendered addresses of the enamoured headsman, and
+became his wife. The life of this amiable and accomplished woman was
+shortened by her calamities, and by a sense of degradation which she
+could never subdue. Secluded from all human society save that of an
+uncultivated husband, who but imperfectly understood her value, she
+loved her only child with more than a mother's idolatry; and, while her
+strength permitted, devoted herself, with unceasing solicitude, to the
+formation of her mind, and to the regulation of her untamable vivacity.
+Thus happily moulded in her early youth, and judiciously cultivated
+after her mother's death, Madelon combined, with clear and vigorous
+perceptions, a degree of personal attraction rarely seen in France, and
+no small portion of the feminine grace and fascination peculiar to
+well-educated Frenchwomen, while to these advantages were superadded
+eyes of radiant lustre, a voice rich in soft and musical inflections,
+and a smile of irresistible archness and witchery. Accustomed, from her
+limited opportunities of observation, to regard men as collectively
+coarse and uncultivated, she had been immediately and powerfully
+attracted by the elegant person, the refined and gentle manners, of
+Florian, during their four leagues' journey; and to one who felt the
+value of knowledge, and eagerly sought to extend her means of pursuing
+it, there was, on farther acquaintance, a charm in his comprehensive
+attainments and in the classic elegance of his diction, which
+compensated for the unmanly timidity and morbid infirmity of purpose,
+so easily distinguishable in his character and conduct.
+
+In Florian, whose feelings were fortified by reminiscences of a prior
+attachment, the progress of sentiment was slower, but not less certain
+in its tendency. His silent worship of Angelique had always been
+accompanied by doubts and misgivings innumerable. He thought her lost to
+him for ever; he felt that all his prospects of professional advancement
+were blighted by the disastrous incident at D., and his consequent
+flight; and insensibly he yielded to the charm of daily and hourly
+intercourse with the bewitching Madelon. The consciousness of her
+admiring prepossession, and of his own superior attainments, gave to
+him, while conversing with her, a soothing self-possession, an expansion
+of thought and feeling, and a glowing facility of elocution, which he
+had never yet experienced, and which proved a source of exquisite and
+inexhaustible gratification. Her unceasing sympathy and kindness, her
+flattering anticipation of his wishes, lulled the anguish of his
+recollections, and her sparkling gaiety never failed to rouse his
+drooping spirits. He soon learned to estimate at its true value the rare
+combination of gentleness and energy which her character displayed;
+while her courageous self-possession and unfailing resources under every
+difficulty, made him regard her as a woman gifted beyond her sex with
+those qualities in which he felt himself most deficient. In short,
+feelings of deep and lasting attachment stole insensibly into the hearts
+of the youthful pair. Florian had surrendered all his sympathies to
+Madelon before he was conscious of the power she had gained over his
+happiness, and their mutual affection was betrayed and sealed by word
+and pledge before he reflected upon the inevitable consequences. Too
+soon, alas! he was awakened from this dream of bliss to a long reality
+of terror and anguish. The spell which bound him was broken, and the
+scene of enchantment was abruptly changed into a chaos of interminable
+dismay and anxiety.
+
+Some weeks after his arrival in this asylum, the headsman had advised
+him to prolong his stay until all danger of pursuit had subsided, and
+the fears of the fugitive soon gave way to cheering sensations of
+security and confidence. To lovers the present is everything: Florian
+forgot alike the trying past and the menacing future; weeks and months
+flitted past unobserved by the youthful pair, while the crafty headsman,
+who had silently watched their growing intelligence, crowed in secret
+over the now certain success of his stratagem.
+
+Several months had thus elapsed, and the old man, after ascertaining
+from his daughter that the affections and the honour of Florian were
+irredeemably plighted, took an opportunity to address him one morning as
+soon as Madelon had quitted the breakfast-room.
+
+"I think it is high time, young man," he said, smiling, "that you should
+proceed to business. Come along with me into my workshop."
+
+Florian looked at him in silent wonder, but unhesitatingly followed him
+into the capacious cellars, where the old man unlocked a door which his
+guest had never before observed. Florian entered with his conductor, but
+started back in dismay as he saw a number of executioner's swords and
+axes hanging round the walls of a low vaulted room, in the centre of
+which several cabbage-heads were fixed with pegs upon an oblong block of
+wood. The headsman took one of the swords from the wall, drew it from
+the scabbard, carefully wiped the glittering blade, and then offered
+it to Florian. "Now, my son," he began, "try your strength upon these
+cabbage-heads. It is easy work, and requires nothing but a steady hand."
+
+"Gracious heaven! you cannot be in earnest!" exclaimed Florian,
+retreating from him in deadly terror.
+
+"Not in earnest?" rejoined the headsman, sternly; "I consider your
+compliance as a matter of course. You love my daughter--you have won her
+affections--and surely, Florian, you are not the man to play her false!"
+
+"God forbid!" exclaimed Florian with honest fervour. "I dearly love her,
+and seek no happier lot than to become her husband."
+
+"I offered her to you, my son!" said the other with returning kindness;
+"but you did not like the conditions, and declined her. You have since,
+without my permission, sought and won her affections, and you have no
+right to flinch from the implied consequences. It is high time to come
+to a conclusion, and to apply yourself in good faith to the only pursuit
+through which you can ever obtain my Madelon."
+
+"The only one?" timidly repeated Florian. "I have, 'tis true, abandoned
+for your daughter's sake the world, and the world's prejudices; but I am
+young and industrious; I possess valuable knowledge, and surely I may
+find some employment which will maintain a wife and family. Do, my good
+father, relinquish this dreadful vocation"----
+
+"And my daughter!" exclaimed the headsman, with loud and bitter
+emphasis. "What is to become _her_? If even you could step back within
+the pale of society, _she_ would for ever be excluded. But you have
+neither moral courage nor animal bravery enough for any worldly
+pursuit--your original station in society is irrecoverably gone--and if
+you attempt to leave this safe asylum, the sword of justice will face
+you at every turn. No, no, Florian! I love my future son-in-law too well
+to expose him to such imminent and deadly peril. There, read that paper!
+The contents will bring you to your senses."
+
+With these words, which struck like a wintry chill into the heart of
+Florian, he took an old newspaper from his pocket-book. The unhappy
+fugitive received it with a shaking hand, and read a judicial summons
+from the authorities of D., seeking intelligence of a student, who had
+on a certain day quitted the university by the diligence for Normandy,
+and unaccountably disappeared. His Christian and surname, with an
+accurate description of his dress and person, were appended. Glancing
+fearfully down the page, he distinguished some particulars of a murder;
+his sight grew dim with terror; and after a vain attempt to read
+farther, he dropped the fatal document, and reeled back, breathless, and
+almost fainting, against the wall.
+
+"He is the very man!" muttered the headsman, whose keen eye had been
+intently fixed upon him during the perusal. "I never asked your real
+name, young man," he continued, "but now I know it. Your terrors would
+betray it to a child. How then are you, without fortitude to face the
+common evils of life, and bearing in every feature a betrayer, to escape
+the giant-grasp of the French police? And had this calamity never
+befallen you, how could you gain a support in a world, which, by your
+own confession, you have ever found ungenial and repulsive? Believe me,
+Florian! here, and here only, will you find safety, support, and
+happiness."
+
+"Happiness?" mournfully repeated Florian.
+
+"Yes, happiness!" rejoined the tempter. "You and Madelon love each
+other, and in every station, from the highest to the lowest, love is
+the salt of life, the balm and cordial of existence. My office descends
+from generation to generation; it insures to the holder not only a good
+house and landed property, but an income of no mean amount. Every
+traveller who passes my house pays me a toll, because fifty years
+since an inundation compelled the town to cut a high-road through my
+grandfather's garden. Of all these benefits I shall be deprived, when
+old and disabled, if my children disdain to follow my vocation; and if
+Madelon were to marry within the pale of that society which regards her
+father with abhorrence, my house and vineyard would be destroyed by the
+bigoted and furious populace, and too probably my innocent child along
+with them. Have you the heart, Florian, to hazard her destruction and
+your own, in preference to an office essential to the existence of civil
+society, and from which that obedience to the laws, which is the first
+duty of a good citizen, removes all self-reproach? With a due sense of
+the importance of your official duties, you will find yourself sustained
+in the performance of them; and a practised hand will soon give you
+firmness enough to follow a vocation attended with no personal risk; but
+if you determine to leave me, where will you find resolution to face the
+perils which surround you? and if you escape them, how are you to
+compete in the race of life with the daring and the fleet?"
+
+The appalling alternatives held out to Florian by the politic headsman,
+and the consciousness of his own inability either to escape the police,
+or to steer his way successfully through the shoals and quicksands of
+life, rendered him incapable of argument or reply. He had for some
+months been cut off from all that freedom has to bestow--he had neither
+relations nor friends on whose interposition he could firmly rely--he
+recollected with agony that every heart beyond the limits of his present
+home was steeled against him--that every hand was ready to seize and
+betray him. Should he quit this safe asylum, and even establish his
+innocence of the imputed murder, his ignorance of the world, and his
+invincible timidity and self-distrust, would make him the prey of any
+plausible knavery. Bewildered and stupified by contending emotions, his
+mind became palsied by despair, and his powers of resistance began to
+fail him. The headsman saw his advantage; but, satisfied with the
+impression he had made upon his hapless victim, he ceased to press any
+immediate decision, told him to consider of the proposal, and went to
+his vineyard; while Florian, hastening to his Madelon, was assailed by
+all the witchery of sighs and tears; by looks, which alternately pleaded
+and upbraided; and by inspiriting and cogent arguments, which shamed him
+into temporary resolution. Thus alternately intimidated by the deep
+tones and stern denunciations of the father, encouraged by the specious
+reasonings of the daughter, or soothed by her resistless fascinations;
+assured, too, by the headsman, that for some years sentences of
+decapitation, with rare exceptions, had been commuted for the galleys,
+his power to contend with his tempter abandoned him: he dropped, like
+the fascinated bird, into the jaws of the serpent; and, yielding to
+his destiny, he commenced his training in a vocation from which every
+feeling in his nature, and every dictate of his understanding, recoiled
+with abhorrence.
+
+It was no sacrifice, to one of his timid and fastidious habits, to
+abandon a world in which he had ever found himself an alien, and which
+he now thought confederated to persecute and destroy him. He submitted
+in uncomplaining resignation to his fate, and ere long found relief in
+the growing attachment of the headsman and his daughter. His pure and
+affectionate heart, and the undeviating rectitude of his principles
+and conduct, soon won the entire esteem of the old man, whose better
+feelings had not been blunted by his official duties; while the
+light-hearted and bewitching Madelon, who now loved almost to idolatry a
+man so incomparably superior to any she had hitherto known, delighted to
+cheer his hours of sadness, and watched his every wish with intense and
+unwearied solicitude. Meanwhile, the old man had quietly made every
+requisite preparation, and a month after the assent of Florian to his
+proposal, the lovers were united. The official appointment of Florian,
+as adopted successor to the headsman, took place some days before the
+marriage, and it was stipulated by the town authorities that, on the
+next ensuing condemnation of a criminal to death, he should prove on the
+scaffold his competency to succeed the executioner.
+
+For many months after this appointment, every arrival of a criminal in
+the town prison struck terror into the heart of Florian. Happily,
+however, the assertion of the headsman that it was a growing practice
+of the judicial authorities to substitute the galleys for decapitation,
+was verified by the fact, and Florian enjoyed several years of domestic
+happiness, disturbed only by apprehensions which he could never subdue,
+that sooner or later the evil he so much dreaded would certainly befall
+him. Meanwhile his beloved Madelon had made him the happy father
+of three promising boys, and he began to experience a degree of
+tranquillity to which he had long been a stranger; when, at a period in
+which the town-prison was untenanted, the long-dreaded calamity burst
+upon his devoted head like a bolt of lightning from a cloudless sky.
+
+His father-in-law received one morning at breakfast an order from the
+town authorities to repair early on the following day to a city at ten
+leagues distance, and there to behead a criminal whose execution had
+been delayed by the illness and death of the resident headsman. At this
+unexpected intelligence, the features of Florian were blanched with
+horror, but the iron visage of the old executioner betrayed not the
+slightest emotion. Regardless of his son-in-law's terrors, he viewed
+this unexpected summons as a fortunate incident, and maintained that any
+unskilfulness in decapitation would be of less importance at a distance
+than in his native town. He regarded also this brief summons as much
+more favourable to Florian's success than a longer foreknowledge, and
+urged in strong and decisive terms the necessity of submission to
+the call of duty. The blood of Florian froze as he listened, but he
+acquiesced, as usual, in timid silence. In the afternoon he yielded to
+the old man's wish, that he should give what the headsman termed a
+master-proof of his skill in the science of decapitation, and with cold
+sweat on his brow severed a number of cabbage-heads to the satisfaction
+of his teacher. Meanwhile the sympathising but energetic Madelon
+prepared a palatable meal, and endeavoured, more successfully than her
+uncompromising parent, to sustain and cheer the drooping spirits of the
+husband she so entirely loved. She could not, however, always suppress
+her starting tears; and as the night approached, even the firm nature of
+the old headsman betrayed symptoms of growing anxiety, notwithstanding
+his endeavours to exhilarate himself by deep potations of his favourite
+wine.
+
+After a night of wearying vigilance and internal conflict, the miserable
+Florian entered at daybreak the vehicle which awaited him and his
+father-in-law under the arched gateway. With a view to prevent his
+trembling substitute from witnessing all the preparations for the
+approaching catastrophe, the old man so measured his progress as to
+enter the city a few minutes before the appointed hour, and drove
+immediately to the scene of action, without pausing at the church,
+to attend, as customary, the mass then performing in presence of
+the criminal. Soon after their arrival, the melancholy procession
+approached, and Florian, unable to face the criminal, turned hastily
+away, ascended the ladder with unsteady steps, and concealed himself
+behind the massive person of the old headsman, as the victim of offended
+justice, with a firm and measured step, mounted the scaffold. The old
+man felt for his shrinking son-in-law, but kept a stern eye upon him,
+in hopes to counteract the disabling effects of his rising agony.
+When, however, the decisive moment approached, he whispered to him
+encouragingly--"Be a man, Florian! Beware of looking at the criminal
+before you strike; but when his head is lifted, look him boldly in the
+face, or the people will doubt your courage."
+
+Florian fixed on him a vacant stare, but these kindly-meant instructions
+reached not his inward ear. The remembrance of the execution he had
+witnessed with his friend Bartholdy had flashed upon him, and he
+recollected the taunting prediction--that he might himself be condemned
+to the scaffold. His agony rose almost to suffocation; he compared his
+own destiny with that of the being whom he was about to deprive of life,
+and he felt that he could not unwillingly have taken his place. At this
+moment his attention was caught by the admiring comments of the crowd
+upon the courageous bearing and firm unflinching features of the
+criminal. Roused by these exclamations to a stinging consciousness of
+his own unmanly timidity, he made a powerful effort, and rallied his
+expiring energies into temporary life and action. The headsman now
+approached him with the broad axe, and whispered, "Courage, my son!
+'tis nothing but a cabbage-head."
+
+With a desperate effort, Florian seized the weapon, fixed his dim gaze
+upon the white neck of the criminal, and, guided more by long practice
+than by any estimate of place and distance, he struck the death-stroke.
+The head fell upon the hollow flooring of the scaffold with an appalling
+bounce, which petrified the unfortunate executioner. The consciousness
+that he had deprived a fellow-creature of life now smote him with a
+withering power, which for some moments deprived him of all volition,
+and he stood in passive stupor, gazing wildly upon the blood which
+streamed in torrents from the headless trunk. Immediately, however, his
+father-in-law again approached him, with a whisper. "Admirably done, my
+son! I give you joy! But recollect my warning, and look boldly at your
+work, or the mob will hoot you as a craven headsman from the scaffold."
+
+The old man was obliged to repeat his admonition before it reached
+the senses of his unconscious son-in-law. Long accustomed to yield
+unresisting obedience, Florian slowly raised his eyes, at the moment
+when the executioner's assistant, after showing the criminal's head to
+the multitude, turned round and held out to him the bleeding and ghastly
+object.--Gracious Heaven! what were his feelings when he encountered a
+well-known face--when he saw the yellow pock-marked visage of Bartholdy,
+whose widely-opened milk-blue eyes were fixed upon him in the glassy,
+dim, and vacant stare of death!
+
+Paralysed with sudden and overwhelming horror, he fell senseless into
+the arms of the headsman, who had watched this critical moment, and,
+with ready self-possession, loudly attributed to recent illness an
+incident so puzzling to the spectators. He succeeded ere long in rousing
+Florian to an imperfect sense of his critical situation, and, supporting
+his tottering frame, led him to the house of the deceased executioner.
+For an hour after their arrival, the unhappy youth sat mute and
+motionless--the living image of despair. Agony in him had passed
+its wildest paroxysm, and settled down into a blind and mechanical
+unconsciousness. The old man, who began to suspect some extraordinary
+reason for emotion so excessive, compelled him to swallow several
+glasses of wine, and anxiously besought him to explain the cause of his
+impassioned deportment. It was long, however, before the disconsolate
+Florian regained the power of utterance. At length a burst of tears
+relieved him. "I knew him!" he began, in a voice broken by convulsive
+sobs. "He was once my friend. Oh, my father! there is no hope for me! I
+am a doomed man--a murderer! He stands before me ever, and demands my
+blood in atonement for his destruction. How can I justify such guilt? I
+never knew his crime--I cannot even fancy him a criminal--but I well
+remember that he loved and cherished me. Away, my father, if you love
+me, to the judges! I _must_ know his crime, or the pangs I feel will
+never depart from me."
+
+The executioner, in whose stern and inflexible nature feelings of pity,
+and even of repentance, were now at work, hastened to obtain some
+information, and returned in half an hour, with indications of anxiety
+and doubt too obvious to escape the unhappy Florian, who, with folded
+hands, exclaimed, "For God-sake, father, tell me all--I must know it,
+sooner or later. Your anxiety prepares me for the worst. If you, a man
+of iron, are thus shaken"----
+
+"I? Nonsense!" retorted the old man, somewhat disconcerted. "The fellow
+was a notorious villain, and was executed for two murders."
+
+Florian, relieved by this intelligence, began to breathe more freely,
+and gazed upon the headsman with looks which sought farther explanation,
+"Florian," continued the old man, fixing upon him his stern and
+searching look, "when you told me the tale of your calamities at D.,
+did you tell me _all_? Had you _no_ reservations?"
+
+"None, father, by all I hold most sacred!" replied Florian, with
+emphatic earnestness.
+
+"One of Bartholdy's crimes," resumed the headsman, "was connected with
+your story. He is said to have slain the officer in whose murder you
+thought yourself implicated by suspicious appearances."
+
+"_He_?" exclaimed Florian, gasping with horror. "No! by the Almighty
+God, he did _not_ slay him! I have beheaded an innocent man, and the
+remembrance will cleave to me like a curse!"
+
+"Can you _prove_ that he had no share in that murder?" now sternly
+demanded the headsman, whose suspicions had been roused by Florian's
+acknowledgment of former intimacy with Bartholdy.
+
+"I can swear to his innocence of _that_ murder," vehemently replied
+Florian, whose energies rose with his excitement. "And the other crime?"
+he eagerly continued. "In mercy, father, tell me whom else he is said to
+have murdered?"
+
+"_Yourself!_" said the old man, turning pale as he anticipated the
+effect of this communication,--"if the name inserted in the judicial
+summons from D. was really yours."
+
+For some moments Florian gazed upon him in speechless despair--his eyes
+became fixed and glassy--his jaw dropped--and he would have fallen from
+his chair, had not the old man supported him. The headsman looked with
+anxious and growing perplexity upon his unfortunate victim. "After
+all," he muttered, "he is my daughter's husband, and a good husband. I
+forced him to the task, and must, if possible, save him from the
+consequences."
+
+By an abundant application of cold water to the face of Florian, he
+succeeded at length in restoring him to consciousness. The miserable
+youth opened his eyes, and, leaning on the old man's shoulders, burst
+into a passion of tears. When in some measure tranquillised, the
+headsman asked him soothingly if he was sufficiently collected to listen
+to him.
+
+"Yes, father, I am," he replied, with an effort.
+
+"Recollect, then, my son," continued the old man, "that you are under
+the assured protection of the sword, and that you may open your heart to
+me without fear of consequences. Say, then, in the first place, who are
+you?"
+
+"I am no other, father," answered Florian, with returning energy, "than
+I have already acknowledged to you; and I was the early friend and
+schoolfellow of the man whose blood I have shed upon the scaffold. But I
+must and will have clear proof of _every_ crime imputed to Bartholdy,"
+he exclaimed in wild emotion. "Again I see his large dim eyes fixed on
+me in reproach; and if you cannot give me evidence that he deserved his
+fate, my remorse will goad me on to suicide or madness."
+
+It was now evident to the old man that the suspicions he had founded
+on Florian's acknowledged intimacy with Bartholdy were groundless.
+Recollecting, too, the undeviating truth and honesty of Florian's
+character, he felt all the injustice of his suspicions; and his
+compassion for the tortured feelings of his son-in-law became actively
+excited. He clearly saw that nothing but the truth, and the whole truth,
+would satisfy him; he determined, therefore, to call upon the criminal's
+confessor; and, after prevailing upon the exhausted Florian to go to
+bed, he watched by him until he saw his wearied senses sealed up in
+sleep, and then departed in quest of farther intelligence.
+
+After three hours of undisturbed repose, which restored, in some
+measure, the exhausted strength of Florian, he awoke, and saw his
+father-in-law sitting by his bed, with a confident and cheerful
+composure of look, which spoke comfort to his wounded spirit.
+
+"Florian," he began, "I have cheering news for you. I have seen the
+confessor of Bartholdy, a good old man, who feels for, and wishes to
+console you. He has long known the habits and character of the criminal.
+More he would not say, but he will receive you this evening at his
+convent, and will not only impart to you the consolations of religion,
+but reveal as much of the criminal's previous life as the sacred
+obligations of a confessor will permit. Meanwhile, my son, you must
+rouse yourself from this stupor, and accompany me in a walk round the
+city ramparts."
+
+After a restorative excursion, they repaired, at the appointed hour, to
+the Jesuit convent, and were immediately conducted to the cell of the
+confessor, an aged and venerable priest, who gazed for some seconds in
+silent wonder on the dejected Florian, and then, laying a hand upon his
+shoulder, exclaimed, "Gracious Heaven! Florian, is it possible that I
+see you alive?"
+
+The startled youth raised his downcast eyes at this exclamation, and
+recognised in the Jesuit before him the worthy superior of the school at
+which he had been educated, and the same who had congratulated him on
+the disappearance of Bartholdy. This discovery imparted instant and
+unspeakable relief to the harassed feelings of Florian. The years he had
+passed under the paternal care of this benevolent old man arose with
+healing influence in his memory, and losing, in the sudden glow of
+filial regard and entire confidence, all his wonted timidity, he poured
+his tale of misery and remorse into the sympathising ear of the good
+father, with the artless and irresistible eloquence of a mind pure from
+all offence. The confessor, who listened with warm interest to his
+recital, forbore to interrupt its progress by questions. "I rejoice to
+learn," he afterwards replied, "that Bartholdy, although deeply stained
+with crime, quitted this life with less of guilt than he was charged
+with on his conscience. The details of his confession I cannot reveal,
+without a breach of the sacred trust reposed in me. It is enough to
+state, that he was deeply criminal. Without reference, however, to his
+more recent transgressions, I can impart to you some particulars of his
+earlier life, and of his implication in the murder you have detailed,
+which will be sufficient to relieve your conscience, and reconcile you
+to the will of Him who, for wise purposes, made you the blind instrument
+of well-merited punishment. Know then, my son, that when Bartholdy was
+supposed by yourself and others to have absconded from the seminary, he
+was a prisoner within its walls. Certain evidence had reached the
+presiding fathers, that this reckless youth was connected with a band
+of plundering incendiaries, who had for some months infested the
+neighbouring districts. Odious alike to his teachers and schoolfellows,
+repulsed by every one but you, and almost daily subjected to punishment
+or remonstrance, he sought and found more congenial associates beyond
+our walls; and, with a view to raise money for the gratification of his
+vicious propensities, he contrived to scale our gates at night, and took
+an active part in the plunder of several unprotected dwellings. At the
+same time, we received a friendly intimation from the police, that he
+was implicated in a projected scheme to fire and plunder a neighbouring
+chateau, and that the ensuing night was fixed upon for the perpetration
+of this atrocity. Upon inquiry it was discovered that Bartholdy had been
+out all night, and it was now feared that he had finally absconded.
+Happily, however, for the good name of the seminary, he returned soon
+after the arrival of this intelligence, and, as I now conjecture, with a
+view to repossess himself of the knife he had left in your custody. He
+was immediately secured and committed to close confinement, in the hope
+that his solitary reflections, aided by our admonitions, would have
+gradually wrought a salutary change in his character. This confinement,
+which was sanctioned by his relations, was prolonged three years without
+any beneficial result; and at length, after many fruitless attempts, he
+succeeded in making his escape. Joining the scattered remnant of the
+band of villains dispersed by the police, he soon became their leader in
+the contrivance and execution of atrocities which I must not reveal, but
+which I cannot recollect without a shudder. In consequence of high winds
+and clouds of dust, the public walk and grove beyond the gate of D. had
+been some days deserted by the inhabitants, and the body of the murdered
+officer was not discovered until the fourth morning after your departure
+from the university. A catastrophe so dreadful had not for many years
+occurred in that peaceful district: a proportionate degree of abhorrence
+was roused in the public mind, and the excited people rushed in crowds
+to view the corpse, in which, by order of the police, the fatal knife
+was left as when first discovered; while secret agents mingled with the
+crowd, to watch the various emotions of the spectators. Guided by a
+retributive providence, Bartholdy, who had that morning arrived in D.,
+approached the body, and gazed upon it with callous indifference, until
+the remarkable handle of his long-lost knife caught his eye. Starting at
+the well-remembered object, a deep flush darkened his yellow visage, and
+immediately the police-officers darted forward and seized him. At first
+he denied all knowledge of the knife, and, when again brought close to
+the body, he gazed upon it with all his wonted hardihood; but when told
+to take the bloody weapon from the wound, he grasped the handle with a
+shudder, drew it forth with sudden effort, and, as he gazed on the
+discoloured blade, his joints shook with terror, and the knife fell from
+his trembling hand. Superstition was ever largely blended with the
+settled ferocity of Bartholdy's character, and I now attribute this
+emotion to a fear that his destiny was in some way connected with this
+fatal weapon, which had already caused his long imprisonment, and would
+now too probably endanger his life. This ungovernable agitation
+confirmed the general suspicion excited by his forbidding and savage
+exterior. He was immediately conveyed to the hotel of the police, and
+the knife was placed before him; but when again interrogated, he long
+persisted in denying all knowledge of it. When questioned, however, as
+to his name and occupation, and his object in the city of D., his
+embarrassment increased, his replies involved him in contradictions, and
+at length he admitted that he _had_ seen the knife before, and in _your_
+possession. This attempt to criminate you by implication, failed,
+however, to point any suspicion against one whose unblemished life and
+character were so well known in the university. Your gentle and retiring
+habits, your shrinking aversion from scenes of strife and bloodshed,
+were recollected by many present: their indignation was loudly uttered,
+and a friend of yours expressed his belief that you had quitted the city
+some days before the murder was committed. In short, this base and
+groundless insinuation of Bartholdy created an impression highly
+disadvantageous to him. A few hours later, intelligence arrived that the
+diligence in which you had left D. had been attacked by a band of
+robbers, while passing through a forest, the day after your departure.
+Several of the passengers had been wounded; some killed; others had
+saved themselves by flight; and, as you had disappeared, it was now
+conjectured that Bartholdy had murdered you, and taken from your person
+the knife with which he had afterwards stabbed the young man in the
+grove. This presumptive evidence against him was so much strengthened by
+his sudden emotion at the sight of the weapon, and by the apparent
+probability that the murder of the young officer had succeeded the
+robbery of the diligence, that the watch and money found upon the body
+failed to create any impression in his favour, as it was conjectured, by
+the strongly excited people, that he had been alarmed by passing
+footsteps before he had succeeded in rifling his victim. He was put into
+close confinement until farther evidence could be obtained; and, ere
+long, a letter arrived to your address from Normandy, stating the
+arrival of your trunk by the carrier, and expressing surprise at your
+non-appearance. A judicial summons, detailing your name and person, and
+citing you to appear and give evidence against the supposed murderer,
+led to no discovery of your retreat, and the evidence of your wounded
+fellow-travellers was obscure and contradictory. Meanwhile, however,
+several of the robbers who had attacked the diligence were captured by
+the _gens-d'armes_. When confronted with Bartholdy, their intelligence
+was sufficiently obvious, and he at length confessed his co-operation in
+the murderous assault upon the travellers; but stoutly denied that he
+had either injured or even seen you amongst the passengers, and as
+tenaciously maintained his innocence of the murder committed in the
+grove. Your entire disappearance however, his emotion on beholding the
+knife, and his admission that he knew it, still operated so strongly
+against him that he was tried and pronounced guilty of three crimes,
+each of which was punishable with death. During the week succeeding his
+trial, he was supplied by a confederate with tools, which enabled him to
+escape and resume his predatory habits; nor was he retaken until a month
+before his execution, while engaged in a robbery of singular boldness
+and atrocity. He was recognised as the hardened criminal who had escaped
+from confinement at D.; and as the authorities were apprehensive that no
+prison would long hold so expert and desperate a villain, an order was
+obtained from Paris for the immediate execution of the sentence already
+passed upon him at D. Thus, although guilty of one only of the three
+crimes for which he suffered, the forfeiture of ten lives would not have
+atoned for his multiplied transgressions. From boyhood even he had
+preyed upon society with the insatiable ferocity of a tiger; and you, my
+son, ought not to murmur at the decree which made your early
+acquaintance with him the means of stopping his savage career, and your
+hand the instrument of retribution."
+
+The concluding words of the venerable priest fell like healing balm upon
+the wounded spirit of Florian, who returned home an altered and a
+saddened, but a sustained and a devout man: deeply conscious that the
+ways of Providence, however intricate, are just; and more resigned to a
+vocation, to which he now conceived that he had been for especial
+purposes appointed. He followed, too, the advice of the friendly priest,
+in leaving the public belief of his own death uncontradicted; and, as he
+had not actually witnessed the murder in the grove near D., he felt
+himself justified in withholding his evidence against an individual, of
+whose innocence there was a remote possibility.
+
+The mental agony of the unfortunate young headsman had been so acute,
+that a reaction upon his bodily health was inevitable. Symptoms of
+serious indisposition appeared the next day, and were followed by a long
+and critical malady, which, however, eventually increased his domestic
+happiness, by unfolding in his Madelon nobler and higher attributes than
+he had yet discovered in her character. No longer the giddy and
+laughter-loving Frenchwoman, she had, for some years, become a devoted
+wife and mother; but it was not until she saw her husband's gentle
+spirit for ever blighted, and his life endangered for some weeks by a
+wasting fever, that she felt all his claims upon her, and bitterly
+reproached herself as the sole cause of his heaviest calamities. During
+this long period of sickness, when all worldly objects were waning
+around this man of sorrows, she watched, and wept, and prayed over him
+with an untiring assiduity and self-oblivion, which developed to the
+grateful Florian all the unfathomable depths of woman's love, and proved
+her consummate skill and patience in all the tender offices and trying
+duties of a sick-chamber. Her health was undermined, and her fine eyes
+were dimmed for ever by long-continued vigilance; but her assiduities
+were at length rewarded by a favourable crisis; and when the patient
+sufferer was sufficiently restored to bear the disclosure, she kneeled
+to him in deep humility, and acknowledged, what the reader has doubtless
+long conjectured, that _she_ had, from an upper window, caused that
+ominous jarring of the sword and axe which induced her father to suspect
+and follow him, and which eventually led to their marriage.
+
+Florian started in sudden indignation; but his gentle nature, and the
+hallowed influences of recent sickness and calamity, soon prevailed over
+his wrath. What _could_ he say? How could he chide the lovely and
+devoted woman, whose fraud had grown out of her affection for him! In an
+instant he forgot his own sorrows; and, as he listened to the mournful
+and beseeching accents of her who was the mother of his children, and
+had been unto him, in sickness and in health, a ministering angel, his
+anger melted into love. He had no words; but, like the father of the
+humbled prodigal, he had compassion, and fell upon her neck and kissed
+her, and forgave her entirely, and for ever.
+
+The old headsman survived these events several years; and, while his
+strength continued equal to the effort, he spared his son-in-law from
+the trying duties of his office. After his death, however, his successor
+was compelled to encounter the dreadful task. For some time before and
+after each execution, sadness sat heavy on his soul, but yielded
+gradually to the sustaining influence of fervent prayer, and to the
+caresses of his wife and children. In the intervening periods he
+regained comparative tranquillity, and devoted himself unceasingly to
+the education of his boys, and to the labours of his field and vineyard.
+I have been told, however, that since the execution of Bartholdy he was
+never seen to smile; and that, when gazing on the joyous sports of his
+unconscious children, his eyes would often fill with tears of sorrowing
+anticipation. Thus many years elapsed: his boys have become men, and the
+recent training and nomination of one of them as his successor, have
+renewed in the heart of the fond father all those bitter pangs which the
+soothing agency of time and occupation had lulled to comparative repose.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Here the interesting narrator paused. Towards the conclusion of his
+recital his mournful voice had quivered with suppressed emotion; and, as
+he finished, his eyes were clouded with tears.
+
+His companions had listened to this affecting narrative with a sympathy
+which, for some moments, subdued all power of utterance, and the silence
+which ensued was interrupted only by involuntary and deep-drawn sighs.
+At length the Professor roused himself, and, prompted by a friendly wish
+to draw out a more explanatory conclusion, he put the leading question,
+"Had he, then, _no_ alternative?"
+
+"You forget, my dear sir," replied Julius, rallying with sudden effort,
+"that by the French laws the son of an executioner _must_ succeed his
+father, or see the family estate transferred to strangers. When the old
+headsman was near his end, his son-in-law pledged himself by oath to
+train a son as his own successor. His eldest boy, who blended with his
+father's gentle manners some portion of his mother's courage, evinced,
+from an early age, such determined antipathy to this vocation, that the
+appointment was transferred to the second son, who had inherited the
+masculine spirit and prompt decision of his mother. Unhappily, however,
+soon after his nomination, he died of a malignant fever. His sorrowing
+mother, who had for some time observed symptoms of declining health in
+her husband, and was indescribably solicitous to see him relieved from
+his official duties, prevailed upon her youngest son, in absence of her
+first-born, to accept the appointment. But this youth, not then
+nineteen, and in mind and person the counterpart of his timid father,
+was equally unsuited to this formidable calling. Well knowing, however,
+that his refusal would deprive his parents of the home and the support
+so essential to their growing infirmities, he strung his nerves to the
+appalling task, and, at the next execution, he mounted the scaffold as
+his father's substitute. But, alas! at the decisive moment his strength
+and resolution failed him. His sight grew dim with horror, and he
+performed his trying duty so unskilfully, that the people groaned with
+indignation at the protracted sufferings of the unfortunate criminal,
+and the town authorities pronounced him unqualified. The consequence of
+this disastrous failure was an immediate summons to the eldest son, who
+had for several years thought himself finally released from this
+terrible appointment. So unexpected a change in his destination fell
+upon him like a death-blow; and, as he read the fatal summons, he felt
+the sword and axe grating on his very soul."
+
+"And do you think it possible," exclaimed one of the students, "that
+after such long exemption he will submit to a life so horrible?"
+
+"Too probably," replied Julius, mournfully, "he _must_ submit to it.
+Indeed, I see no alternative. His refusal would not only deprive his
+drooping and unhappy parents of every means of support, but too probably
+expose their lives to the fury of a bigoted and ferocious populace. None
+but a childless headsman can hold his property during life without a
+qualified successor; and, when he dies, the magistrates appoint
+another."
+
+Here Julius paused again. He gazed for some moments in melancholy
+abstraction upon the dying embers in the stove--the tears again started
+to his eyes, and he rose abruptly to depart; nor could the joint efforts
+of the kind Professor, and the now warmly-interested students, prevail
+on him to stay out another bowl of punch.
+
+"To-morrow early," said he, in unsteady tones, to the Professor, "I will
+claim your promised introduction to the lieutenant. Till then,
+farewell!"
+
+"Promise me, then, my dear Julius," rejoined his host, "that you will
+give us your company to-morrow evening. After so trying a spectacle, a
+bowl of punch, and the society of four friends, will recruit and cheer
+you."
+
+The students successively grasped his hand, and cordially urged him to
+comply. Overcome by this unexpected sympathy, the agitated youth could
+not restrain his tears, and in a voice tremulous with emotion, he said,
+"I shall never forget your kindness, and, if I know my heart, I shall
+prove myself not unworthy of it. If in my power, I will join your
+friendly circle to-morrow night; but"--he hesitatingly added--"I have
+never yet faced an execution, and I know not how far such strong
+excitement may unfit me for society."
+
+The Professor and his friends accompanied him to the street, where they
+again shook hands and separated.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+On the following evening the three students were again assembled in the
+Professor's study, and the conversation turned more upon their new
+friend and his interesting narrative, than upon the tragedy of that
+morning. The Professor told them that Julius had called early, and been
+introduced by him to the lieutenant, since which he had not seen or
+heard of him. One of the students said, that his curiosity to observe
+the deportment of their mysterious friend had led him early to the
+ground, where he had seen Julius standing, with folded arms, and pale as
+death, within a few feet of the scaffold; but that, unable to subdue his
+own loathing of the approaching catastrophe, he had left the ground
+before the arrival of the criminal.
+
+An hour elapsed in momentary expectation of the young student's arrival,
+but he came not. The conversation gradually dropped into monosyllables,
+and the Professor could no longer disguise his anxiety, when a gentle
+tap was heard, like that of the preceding night, and without any
+previous sound of approaching footsteps. "Come in!" cheerfully shouted
+the relieved Professor, but the door was not unclosed. Again he called,
+but vainly as before. Then starting from his chair, he opened the door,
+but discovered no one. The students, who also fancied they had heard a
+gentle knock, looked at each other in silent amazement; and the
+warm-hearted Professor, unable to reason down his boding fears,
+determined to seek Julius at his lodgings, and requested one of the
+students to accompany him.
+
+He knew the street, but not the house, in which the young man resided;
+and as soon as they had entered the street, their attention was excited
+by a tumultuous assemblage of people at no great distance. Hastening to
+the spot, the Professor ascertained from a bystander that the crowd had
+been collected by the loud report of a gun or pistol in the apartments
+of a student. Struck with an appalling presentiment, the Professor and
+his companion forced a passage to the house-door, and were admitted by
+the landlord, to whom the former was well known. "Tell me!" exclaimed
+the Professor, gasping with terror and suspense--"Is it Julius
+Arenbourg?"
+
+"Alas! it is indeed," replied the other. "Follow me up-stairs, and you
+shall see him."
+
+They found the body of the ill-fated youth extended on the bed, and a
+pistol near him, the ball of which had gone through his heart. His fine
+features, although somewhat contracted by the peculiar action of a
+gunshot wound, still retained much of their bland and melancholy
+character. The landlord and his family wept as they related that
+Julius, who was their favourite lodger, had returned home after the
+execution with hurried steps, and a countenance of death-like paleness.
+Without speaking to the children, as was his wont, he had locked the
+door of his apartment, where he remained several hours, and then
+hastened with some letters to the post-office. In a few minutes after
+his return, the fatal shot summoned them to his room, where they found
+him dying and speechless. "But I had nearly forgotten," concluded the
+landlord, "that he left upon his table a letter addressed to Professor
+N."
+
+The worthy man opened the letter with a trembling hand, and, in a voice
+husky with emotion, read the contents to his companion.
+
+     "From you, my dear Professor, and from my younger friends,
+     although but friends of yesterday, I venture to solicit the
+     last kindness which human sympathy can offer. If, as I dare to
+     hope, I have some hold upon your good opinion, you will not
+     refuse to see my remains interred with as much decency as the
+     magistrates will permit. In my purse will be found enough to
+     meet the amount of this and every other claim upon me.
+
+     "I have yet another boon to ask, and one of vital moment to my
+     unhappy relatives. I have prepared them to expect intelligence
+     of my death by fever; and surely my request, that the subjoined
+     notice of my decease may be inserted in the papers of Metz and
+     Strasbourg, will not be disregarded by those whose kindness
+     taught me the value of existence when I had no alternative but
+     to resign it.
+
+     "That those earthly blessings, which were denied to me and
+     mine, may be abundantly vouchsafed to you, is the fervent
+     prayer of the unhappy
+
+                         "JULIUS.
+
+     "Died of fever, at ----, in Germany, Julius Florian Laroche, a
+     native of Champagne, aged 22."
+
+"Alas!" exclaimed the deeply affected Professor, "the mystery is solved,
+and my suspicions were too well founded. Sad indeed was thy destiny, my
+Julius, and sacred shall be thy last wishes."
+
+Kissing the cold brow of the deceased, he hung over his remains in
+silent sorrow, and breathed a fervent prayer for mercy to the suicide;
+then giving brief directions for the funeral, the Professor and his
+friend paced slowly homeward, in silence and in tears.
+
+
+
+
+THE WEARYFUL WOMAN.
+
+BY JOHN GALT.
+
+[_MAGA._ MAY 1821.]
+
+
+"It happened," said Mr M'Waft, "that there were in the smack
+many passengers, and among others a talkative gentlewoman of no
+great capacity, sadly troubled with a weakness of parts about her
+intellectuals. She was indeed a real weak woman; I think I never met
+with her like for weakness, just as weak as water. Oh but she was a weak
+creature as ever the hand of the Lord put the breath of life in, and
+from morning to night, even between the bockings of the sea-sickness,
+she was aye speaking; na, for that matter, it's a God's truth, that at
+the dead hour of midnight, when I happened to be wakened by a noise on
+the decks, I heard her speaking to herself for want of other companions;
+and yet for all that, she was vastly entertaining, and in her day had
+seen many a thing that was curious, so that it was no wonder she spoke
+a great deal, having seen so much; but she had no command of her
+judgment, so that her mind was always going round and round and
+pointing to nothing, like a weathercock in a squally day.
+
+"'Mrs M'Adam,' quoth I to her one day, 'I am greatly surprised at your
+ability in the way of speaking.' But I was well afflicted for the
+hypocritical compliment, for she then fastened upon me, and whether it
+was at meal-time or on the deck, she would come and sit beside me, and
+talk as if she was trying how many words her tongue could utter without
+a single grain of sense. I was for a time as civil to her as I could be,
+but the more civility I showed, the more she talked, and the weather
+being calm, the vessel made but little way. Such a prospect in a long
+voyage as I had before me!
+
+"Seeing that my civility had produced such a vexatious effect, I
+endeavoured to shun the woman, but she singled me out, and even when I
+pretended to be overwhelmed with the sickness, she would sit beside me,
+and never cease from talking. If I went below to my bed, she would come
+down and sit in the cabin, and tell a thousand stories about remedies
+for the sea-sickness, for her husband had been a doctor, and had a great
+reputation for skill. 'He was a worthy man,' quoth she, 'and had a world
+of practice, so that he was seldom at home, and I was obliged to sit by
+myself for hours in the day, without a living creature to speak to, and
+obliged to make the iron tongs my companions, by which silence and
+solitude I fell into low spirits; in the end, however, I broke out of
+them, and from that day to this, I have enjoyed what the doctor called a
+cheerful fecundity of words; but when he, in the winter following, was
+laid up with the gout, he fashed at my spirits, and worked himself into
+such a state of irritation against my endeavours to entertain him, that
+the gout took his head, and he went out of the world like a pluff of
+pouther, leaving me a very disconsolate widow; in which condition, it is
+not every woman who can demean herself with the discretion that I have
+done. Thanks be and praise, however, I have not been tempted beyond my
+strength; for when Mr Pawkie, the seceder minister, came shortly after
+the interment to catch me with the tear in my e'e, I saw through his
+exhortations, and I told him upon the spot that he might refrain, for
+it was my intent to spend the remainder of my days in sorrow and
+lamentation for my dear deceased husband. Don't you think, sir,
+it was a very proper rebuke to the first putting forth of his cloven
+foot? But I had soon occasion to fear that I might stand in need of a
+male protector; for what could I, a simple woman, do with the doctor's
+bottles and pots, pills and other doses, to say nothing of his brazen
+pestle and mortar, which of itself was a thing of value, and might be
+coined, as I was told, into a firlot of farthings; not however that
+farthings are now much in circulation, the pennies and new bawbees have
+quite supplanted them, greatly, as I think, to the advantage of the poor
+folk, who now get the one or the other, where, in former days, they
+would have been thankful for a farthing; and yet, for all that, there is
+a visible increase in the number of beggars, a thing which I cannot
+understand, and far less thankfulness on their part than of old, when
+alms were given with a scantier hand; but this, no doubt, comes of the
+spreading wickedness of the times. Don't you think so, sir? It's a
+mystery that I cannot fathom, for there was never a more evident passion
+for church-building than at present; but I doubt there is great truth in
+the old saying, "The nearer the kirk, the farther from grace," which was
+well exemplified in the case of Provost Pedigree of our town, a decent
+man in his externals, and he keepit a hardware shop; he was indeed a
+merchant of "a' things," from a needle and a thimble down to a rattle
+and a spade. Poor man! he ran at last a ram-race, and was taken before
+the session; but I had always a jealousy of him, for he used to say very
+comical things to me in the doctor's lifetime; not that I gave him any
+encouragement farther than in the way of an innocent joke, for he was a
+jocose and jocular man, but he never got the better of that exploit with
+the session, and dwining away, died the year following of a decay, a
+disease for which my dear deceased husband used to say no satisfactory
+remedy exists in nature, except gentle laxatives, before it has taken
+root: but although I have been the wife of a doctor, and spent the best
+part of my life in the smell of drugs, I cannot say that I approve of
+them, except in a case of necessity, where, to be sure, they must be
+taken, if we intend the doctor's skill to take effect upon us; but many
+a word me and my dear deceased husband had about my taking of his pills,
+after my long affliction with the hypochondriacal affection, for I could
+never swallow them, but always gave them a check between the teeth, and
+their taste was so odious that I could not help spitting them out. It is
+indeed a great pity, that the Faculty cannot make their nostrums more
+palatable, and I used to tell the doctor, when he was making up doses
+for his patients, that I wondered how he could expect sick folk, unable
+to swallow savoury food, would ever take his nauseous medicines, which
+he never could abide to hear, for he had great confidence in many of his
+prescriptions, especially a bolus of flour of brimstone and treacle for
+the cold, one of the few of his compounds I could ever take with any
+pleasure.'
+
+"In this way," said Mr M'Waft, "did that endless woman rain her words
+into my ear, till I began to fear that something like a gout would also
+take my head; at last I fell on a device, and, lying in bed, began to
+snore with great vehemence, as if I had been sound asleep, by which,
+for a time, I got rid of her; but being afraid to go on deck lest she
+should attack me again, I continued in bed, and soon after fell asleep
+in earnest. How long I had slept I know not, but when I awoke, there was
+she chattering to the steward, whom she instantly left the moment she
+saw my eye open, and was at me again. Never was there such a plague
+invented as that woman; she absolutely worked me into a state of
+despair, and I fled from her presence as from a serpent; but she would
+pursue me up and down, back and fore, till everybody aboard was like to
+die with laughing at us, and all the time she was as serious and polite
+as any gentlewoman could well be.
+
+"When we got to London, I was terrified she would fasten herself on
+me there, and therefore, the moment we reached the wharf, I leapt
+on shore, and ran as fast as I could for shelter to a public-house,
+till the steward had despatched her in a hackney. Then I breathed at
+liberty--never was I so sensible of the blessing before, and I made all
+my acquaintance laugh very heartily at the story; but my trouble was not
+ended. Two nights after, I went to see a tragedy, and was seated in an
+excellent place, when I heard her tongue going among a number of ladies
+and gentlemen that were coming in. I was seized with a horror, and would
+have fled, but a friend that was with me held me fast; in that same
+moment she recognised me, and before I could draw my breath, she was at
+my side, and her tongue rattling in my lug. This was more than I could
+withstand, so I got up and left the play-house. Shortly after, I was
+invited to dinner, and among other guests, in came that afflicting
+woman, for she was a friend of the family. Oh Lord! such an afternoon I
+suffered--but the worst was yet to happen.
+
+"I went to St James's to see the drawing-room on the birthday, and among
+the crowd I fell in with her again, when, to make the matter complete,
+I found she had been separated from her friends. I am sure they had
+left her to shift for herself; she took hold of my arm as an old
+acquaintance, and humanity would not allow me to cast her off; but
+although I staid till the end of the ceremonies, I saw nothing; I only
+heard the continual murmur of her words, like the sound of a running
+river.
+
+"When I got home to my lodging, I was just like a demented man; my head
+was bizzing like a bee-skep, and I could hear of nothing but the birr of
+that wearyful woman's tongue. It was terrible; and I took so ill that
+night, and felt such a loss of appetite and lack of spirit the next day,
+that I was advised by a friend to take advice; and accordingly, in the
+London fashion, I went to a doctor's door to do so, but just as I put
+up my hand to the knocker, there within was the wearyful woman in the
+passage, talking away to the servant-man. The moment I saw her I was
+seized with a terror, and ran off like one that has been bitten by a wud
+dog, at the sight and the sound of running water. It is indeed no to be
+described what I suffered from that woman; and I met her so often, that
+I began to think she had been ordained to torment me; and the dread of
+her in consequence so worked upon me, that I grew frightened to leave my
+lodgings, and I walked the streets only from necessity, and then I was
+as a man hunted by an evil spirit.
+
+"But the worst of all was to come. I went out to dine with a friend that
+lives at a town they call Richmond, some six or eight miles from London,
+and there being a pleasant company, and me no in any terror of the
+wearyful woman, I sat wi' them as easy as you please, till the
+stage-coach was ready to take me back to London. When the stage-coach
+came to the door, it was empty, and I got in; it was a wet night, and
+the wind blew strong, but, tozy wi' what I had gotten, I laid mysel up
+in a corner, and soon fell fast asleep. I know not how long I had
+slumbered, but I was awakened by the coach stopping, and presently I
+heard the din of a tongue coming towards the coach. It was the wearyful
+woman; and before I had time to come to mysel, the door was opened, and
+she was in, chatting away at my side, the coach driving off.
+
+"As it was dark, I resolved to say nothing, but to sleep on, and never
+heed her. But we hadna travelled half a mile, when a gentleman's
+carriage going by with lamps, one of them gleamed on my face, and the
+wearyful woman, with a great shout of gladness, discovered her victim.
+
+"For a time, I verily thought that my soul would have leapt out at the
+croun of my head like a vapour; and when we got to a turn of the road,
+where was a public-house, I cried to the coachman for Heaven's sake to
+let me out, and out I jumped. But O waes me! that deevil thought I was
+taken ill, and as I was a stranger, the moment I was out and in the
+house, out came she likewise, and came talking into the kitchen, into
+which I had ran, perspiring with vexation.
+
+"At the sight, I ran back to the door, determined to prefer the wet and
+wind on the outside of the coach to the clatter within. But the coach
+was off, and far beyond call. I could have had the heart, I verily
+believe, to have quenched the breath of life in that wearyful woman; for
+when she found the coach was off without us, her alarm was a perfect
+frenzy, and she fastened on me worse than ever--I thought my heart would
+have broken.
+
+"By-and-by came another coach, and we got into it. Fortunately twa young
+London lads, clerks or siclike, were within. They endured her tongue for
+a time, but at last they whispered each other, and one of them giving me
+a nodge or sign, taught me to expect they would try to silence her.
+Accordingly the other broke suddenly out into an immoderate doff-like
+laugh that was really awful. The mistress paused for a minute, wondering
+what it could be at; anon, however, her tongue got under way, and off
+she went; presently again the younker gave another gaffaw, still more
+dreadful than the first. His companion, seeing the effect it produced on
+Madam, said, 'Don't be apprehensive; he has only been for some time in a
+sort of deranged state; he is quite harmless, I can assure you.' This
+had the desired effect, and from that moment till I got her safe off
+in a hackney-coach from where the stage stoppit, there was nae word
+out of her head; she was as quiet as pussy, and cowered in to me in
+terrification o' the madman breaking out. I thought it a souple trick o'
+the Londoners. In short," said Mr M'Waft, "though my adventures with the
+wearyful woman is a story now to laugh at, it was in its time nothing
+short of a calamity."
+
+
+PRINTED BY WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS, EDINBURGH.
+
+
+
+
+TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE:
+
+Minor changes have been made to correct typesetters' errors; otherwise,
+every effort has been made to remain true to the authors' words and
+intent.
+
+
+
+
+
+End of Project Gutenberg's Tales from "Blackwood," Volume 3, by Various
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