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| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-14 19:57:40 -0700 |
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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/32466-8.txt b/32466-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..db0eb60 --- /dev/null +++ b/32466-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9705 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Wouldbegoods, by E. Nesbit + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Wouldbegoods + +Author: E. Nesbit + +Illustrator: Reginald B. Birch + +Release Date: May 21, 2010 [EBook #32466] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WOULDBEGOODS *** + + + + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Josephine Paolucci and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net. +(This file was produced from images generously made +available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + + + + + + + +THE WOULDBEGOODS + +[Illustration: + +See p. 47 + +"'AND PATRIOTIC,' SAID HE"] + + + + +_THE WOULDBEGOODS_ + +BY E. NESBIT + +ILLUSTRATED BY + +REGINALD B. BIRCH + +[Illustration] + +HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS +NEW YORK AND LONDON + + +Copyright, 1900, 1901, by EDITH NESBIT BLAND. + +_All rights reserved._ + +September, 1901. + + +TO + +MY DEAR SON + +FABIAN BLAND + + + + +CONTENTS + + + PAGE + +THE JUNGLE 1 + +THE WOULDBEGOODS 20 + +BILL'S TOMBSTONE 43 + +THE TOWER OF MYSTERY 63 + +THE WATER-WORKS 86 + +THE CIRCUS 111 + +BEING BEAVERS; OR, THE YOUNG EXPLORERS (ARCTIC OR OTHERWISE) 135 + +THE HIGH-BORN BABE 159 + +HUNTING THE FOX 178 + +THE SALE OF ANTIQUITIES 201 + +THE BENEVOLENT BAR 224 + +THE CANTERBURY PILGRIMS 243 + +THE DRAGON'S TEETH; OR, ARMY-SEED 267 + +ALBERT'S UNCLE'S GRANDMOTHER; OR, THE LONG-LOST 292 + + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS + + +"'AND PATRIOTIC,' SAID HE" _Frontispiece_ + +"WE LET THE HOSE PLAY PERSEVERINGLY" _Facing p._ 16 + +"'LITTLE BEASTS!' SAID DICK" " 30 + +"DENNY HELD ALICE'S AND NOËL'S HANDS" " 84 + +"DICKY DRAGGED THE TWO HEAVY BARS" " 98 + +"'OH, DEAR! OH, DEAR!'" " 104 + +"HE SAT DOWN IN THE HEDGE TO LAUGH PROPERLY" " 128 + +"FOUND HIMSELF THE DEGRADED NURSE-MAID +OF A SMALL BUT FURIOUS KID" " 172 + +"'WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?'" " 192 + +"THEN WE PUT IN THE JUGS AND FILLED +IT UP WITH EARTH" " 212 + +"'I THINK YOU MUST LET ME LOOK INSIDE'" " 222 + +"OSWALD ACTUALLY HIT OUT AT THE BIG MAN" " 240 + +"A DOG-CART WITH A YOUNG LADY IN IT" " 256 + +"SO WE LED HIM ALONG TO THE AMBUSH" " 282 + +THE COUNCIL IN THE APPLE-TREE " 292 + +"'AND ARE YOU GOING TO MARRY THIS LADY?'" " 304 + + + + +THE WOULDBEGOODS + + + + +THE JUNGLE + + +"Children are like jam: all very well in the proper place, but you can't +stand them all over the shop--eh, what?" + +These were the dreadful words of our Indian uncle. They made us feel +very young and angry; and yet we could not be comforted by calling him +names to ourselves, as you do when nasty grown-ups say nasty things, +because he is not nasty, but quite the exact opposite when not +irritated. And we could not think it ungentlemanly of him to say we were +like jam, because, as Alice says, jam is very nice indeed--only not on +furniture and improper places like that. My father said, "Perhaps they +had better go to boarding-school." And that was awful, because we know +father disapproves of boarding-schools. And he looked at us and said, "I +am ashamed of them, sir!" + +Your lot is indeed a dark and terrible one when your father is ashamed +of you. And we all knew this, so that we felt in our chests just as if +we had swallowed a hard-boiled egg whole. At least, this is what Oswald +felt, and father said once that Oswald, as the eldest, was the +representative of the family, so, of course, the others felt the same. + +And then everybody said nothing for a short time. At last father said: + +"You may go--but remember--" The words that followed I am not going to +tell you. It is no use telling you what you know before--as they do in +schools. And you must all have had such words said to you many times. We +went away when it was over. The girls cried, and we boys got out books +and began to read, so that nobody should think we cared. But we felt it +deeply in our interior hearts, especially Oswald, who is the eldest and +the representative of the family. + +We felt it all the more because we had not really meant to do anything +wrong. We only thought perhaps the grown-ups would not be quite pleased +if they knew, and that is quite different. Besides, we meant to put all +the things back in their proper places when we had done with them before +any one found out about it. But I must not anticipate (that means +telling the end of a story before the beginning. I tell you this because +it is so sickening to have words you don't know in a story, and to be +told to look it up in the dicker). + +We are the Bastables--Oswald, Dora, Dicky, Alice, Noël, and H. O. If you +want to know why we call our youngest brother H. O. you can jolly well +read _The Treasure Seekers_ and find out. We were the Treasure Seekers, +and we sought it high and low, and quite regularly, because we +particularly wanted to find it. And at last we did not find it, but we +were found by a good, kind Indian uncle, who helped father with his +business, so that father was able to take us all to live in a jolly big +red house on Blackheath, instead of in the Lewisham Road, where we lived +when we were only poor but honest Treasure Seekers. When we were poor +but honest we always used to think that if only father had plenty of +business, and we did not have to go short of pocket-money and wear +shabby clothes (I don't mind this myself, but the girls do), we should +be quite happy and very, very good. + +And when we were taken to the beautiful big Blackheath house we thought +now all would be well, because it was a house with vineries and +pineries, and gas and water, and shrubberies and stabling, and replete +with every modern convenience, like it says in Dyer & Hilton's list of +Eligible House Property. I read all about it, and I have copied the +words quite right. + +It is a beautiful house, all the furniture solid and strong, no casters +off the chairs, and the tables not scratched, and the silver not dented; +and lots of servants, and the most decent meals every day--and lots of +pocket-money. + +But it is wonderful how soon you get used to things, even the things you +want most. Our watches, for instance. We wanted them frightfully; but +when I had had mine a week or two, after the mainspring got broken and +was repaired at Bennett's in the village, I hardly cared to look at the +works at all, and it did not make me feel happy in my heart any more, +though, of course, I should have been very unhappy if it had been taken +away from me. And the same with new clothes and nice dinners and having +enough of everything. You soon get used to it all, and it does not make +you extra happy, although, if you had it all taken away, you would be +very dejected. (That is a good word, and one I have never used before.) +You get used to everything, as I said, and then you want something more. +Father says this is what people mean by the deceitfulness of riches; but +Albert's uncle says it is the spirit of progress, and Mrs. Leslie said +some people called it "divine discontent." Oswald asked them all what +they thought, one Sunday at dinner. Uncle said it was rot, and what we +wanted was bread and water and a licking; but he meant it for a joke. +This was in the Easter holidays. + +We went to live at Morden House at Christmas. After the holidays the +girls went to the Blackheath High School, and we boys went to the Prop. +(that means the Proprietary School). And we had to swot rather during +term; but about Easter we knew the deceitfulness of riches in the vac., +when there was nothing much on, like pantomimes and things. Then there +was the summer term, and we swotted more than ever; and it was boiling +hot, and masters' tempers got short and sharp, and the girls used to +wish the exams, came in cold weather. I can't think why they don't. But +I suppose schools don't think of sensible things like that. They teach +botany at girls' schools. + +Then the midsummer holidays came, and we breathed again--but only for a +few days. We began to feel as if we had forgotten something, and did not +know what it was. We wanted something to happen--only we didn't exactly +know what. So we were very pleased when father said: + +"I've asked Mr. Foulkes to send his children here for a week or two. You +know--the kids who came at Christmas. You must be jolly to them, and see +that they have a good time, don't you know." + +We remembered them right enough--they were little pinky, frightened +things, like white mice, with very bright eyes. They had not been to our +house since Christmas, because Denis, the boy, had been ill, and they +had been with an aunt at Ramsgate. + +Alice and Dora would have liked to get the bedrooms ready for the +honored guests, but a really good housemaid is sometimes more ready to +say "don't" than even a general. So the girls had to chuck it. Jane only +let them put flowers in the pots on the visitors' mantel-pieces, and +then they had to ask the gardener which kind they might pick, because +nothing worth gathering happened to be growing in our own gardens just +then. + +Their train got in at 12.27. We all went to meet them. Afterwards I +thought that was a mistake, because their aunt was with them, and she +wore black with beady things and a tight bonnet, and she said, when we +took our hats off, "Who are you?" quite crossly. + +We said, "We are the Bastables; we've come to meet Daisy and Denny." + +The aunt is a very rude lady, and it made us sorry for Daisy and Denny +when she said to them: + +"_Are_ these the children? Do you remember them?" + +We weren't very tidy, perhaps, because we'd been playing brigands in the +shrubbery; and we knew we should have to wash for dinner as soon as we +got back, anyhow. But still-- + +Denny said he thought he remembered us. But Daisy said, "Of course they +are," and then looked as if she was going to cry. + +So then the aunt called a cab, and told the man where to drive, and put +Daisy and Denny in, and then she said: + +"You two little girls may go too, if you like, but you little boys must +walk." + +So the cab went off, and we were left. The aunt turned to us to say a +few last words. We knew it would have been about brushing your hair and +wearing gloves, so Oswald said, "Good-bye," and turned haughtily away, +before she could begin, and so did the others. No one but that kind of +black, beady, tight lady would say "little boys." She is like Miss +Murdstone in _David Copperfield_. I should like to tell her so; but she +would not understand. I don't suppose she has ever read anything but +_Markham's History_ and _Mangnall's Questions_--improving books like +that. + +When we got home we found all four of those who had ridden in the cab +sitting in our sitting-room--we don't call it nursery now--looking very +thoroughly washed, and our girls were asking polite questions and the +others were saying "Yes" and "No" and "I don't know." We boys did not +say anything. We stood at the window and looked out till the gong went +for our dinner. We felt it was going to be awful--and it was. The +new-comers would never have done for knight-errants, or to carry the +cardinal's sealed message through the heart of France on a horse; they +would never have thought of anything to say to throw the enemy off the +scent when they got into a tight place. + +They said, "Yes, please," and "No, thank you"; and they ate very neatly, +and always wiped their mouths before they drank, as well as after, and +never spoke with them full. + +And after dinner it got worse and worse. + +We got out all our books, and they said, "Thank you," and didn't look at +them properly. And we got out all our toys, and they said, "Thank you, +it's very nice," to everything. And it got less and less pleasant, and +towards tea-time it came to nobody saying anything except Noël and H. +O.--and they talked to each other about cricket. + +After tea father came in, and he played "Letters" with them and the +girls, and it was a little better; but while late dinner was going on--I +shall never forget it. Oswald felt like the hero of a book--"almost at +the end of his resources." I don't think I was ever glad of bedtime +before, but that time I was. + +When they had gone to bed (Daisy had to have all her strings and buttons +undone for her, Dora told me, though she is nearly ten, and Denny said +he couldn't sleep without the gas being left a little bit on) we held a +council in the girls' room. We all sat on the bed--it is a mahogany +four-poster with green curtains very good for tents, only the +housekeeper doesn't allow it, and Oswald said: + +"This is jolly nice, isn't it?" + +"They'll be better to-morrow," Alice said; "they're only shy." + +Dicky said shy was all very well, but you needn't behave like a perfect +idiot. + +"They're frightened. You see, we're all strange to them," Dora said. + +"We're not wild beasts or Indians; we sha'n't eat them. What have they +got to be frightened of?" Dicky said this. + +Noël told us he thought they were an enchanted prince and princess who'd +been turned into white rabbits, and their bodies had got changed back, +but not their insides. + +But Oswald told him to dry up. + +"It's no use making things up about them," he said. "The thing is: what +are we going to _do_? We can't have our holidays spoiled by these +snivelling kids." + +"No," Alice said, "but they can't possibly go on snivelling forever. +Perhaps they've got into the habit of it with that Murdstone aunt. She's +enough to make any one snivel." + +"All the same," said Oswald, "we jolly well aren't going to have another +day like to-day. We must do something to rouse them from their +snivelling leth--what's its name?--something sudden and--what is +it?--decisive." + +"A booby trap," said H. O., "the first thing when they get up, and an +apple-pie bed at night." + +But Dora would not hear of it, and I own she was right. + +"Suppose," she said, "we could get up a good play--like we did when we +were Treasure Seekers." + +We said, "Well, what?" But she did not say. + +"It ought to be a good long thing--to last all day," Dicky said; "and if +they like they can play, and if they don't--" + +"If they don't, I'll read to them," Alice said. + +But we all said: "No, you don't; if you begin that way you'll have to go +on." + +And Dicky added: "I wasn't going to say that at all. I was going to say +if they didn't like it they could jolly well do the other thing." + +We all agreed that we must think of something, but we none of us could, +and at last the council broke up in confusion because Mrs. Blake--she is +the housekeeper--came up and turned off the gas. + +But next morning when we were having breakfast, and the two strangers +were sitting there so pink and clean, Oswald suddenly said: + +"I know; we'll have a jungle in the garden." + +And the others agreed, and we talked about it till brek was over. The +little strangers only said "I don't know" whenever we said anything to +them. + +After brekker Oswald beckoned his brothers and sisters mysteriously +apart and said: + +"Do you agree to let me be captain to-day, because I thought of it?" + +And they said they would. + +Then he said: "We'll play jungle-book, and I shall be Mowgli. The rest +of you can be what you like--Mowgli's father and mother, or any of the +beasts." + +"I don't suppose they know the book," said Noël. "They don't look as if +they read anything, except at lesson times." + +"Then they can go on being beasts all the time," Oswald said. "Any one +can be a beast." + +So it was settled. + +And now Oswald--Albert's uncle has sometimes said he is clever at +arranging things--began to lay his plans for the jungle. The day was +indeed well chosen. Our Indian uncle was away; father was away; Mrs. +Blake was going away, and the housemaid had an afternoon off. Oswald's +first conscious act was to get rid of the white mice--I mean the little +good visitors. He explained to them that there would be a play in the +afternoon, and they could be what they liked, and gave them the +jungle-book to read the stories he told them to--all the ones about +Mowgli. He led the strangers to a secluded spot among the sea-kale pots +in the kitchen garden and left them. Then he went back to the others, +and we had a jolly morning under the cedar talking about what we would +do when Blakie was gone. She went just after our dinner. + +When we asked Denny what he would like to be in the play, it turned out +he had not read the stories Oswald told him at all, but only the "White +Seal" and "Rikki Tikki." + +We then agreed to make the jungle first and dress up for our parts +afterwards. Oswald was a little uncomfortable about leaving the +strangers alone all the morning, so he said Denny should be his +aide-de-camp, and he was really quite useful. He is rather handy with +his fingers, and things that he does up do not come untied. Daisy might +have come too, but she wanted to go on reading, so we let her, which is +the truest manners to a visitor. Of course the shrubbery was to be the +jungle, and the lawn under the cedar a forest glade, and then we began +to collect the things. The cedar lawn is just nicely out of the way of +the windows. It was a jolly hot day--the kind of day when the sunshine +is white and the shadows are dark gray, not black like they are in the +evening. + +We all thought of different things. Of course first we dressed up +pillows in the skins of beasts and set them about on the grass to look +as natural as we could. And then we got Pincher, and rubbed him all over +with powdered slate-pencil, to make him the right color for Gray +Brother. But he shook it all off, and it had taken an awful time to do. +Then Alice said: + +"Oh, I know!" and she ran off to father's dressing-room, and came back +with the tube of _crème d'amande pour la barbe et les mains_, and we +squeezed it on Pincher and rubbed it in, and then the slate-pencil stuff +stuck all right, and he rolled in the dust-bin of his own accord, which +made him just the right color. He is a very clever dog, but soon after +he went off and we did not find him till quite late in the afternoon. +Denny helped with Pincher, and with the wild-beast skins, and when +Pincher was finished he said: + +"Please, may I make some paper birds to put in the trees? I know how." + +And of course we said "Yes," and he only had red ink and newspapers, and +quickly he made quite a lot of large paper birds with red tails. They +didn't look half bad on the edge of the shrubbery. + +While he was doing this he suddenly said, or rather screamed, "Oh!" + +And we looked, and it was a creature with great horns and a fur +rug--something like a bull and something like a minotaur--and I don't +wonder Denny was frightened. It was Alice, and it was first-class. + +Up to now all was not yet lost beyond recall. It was the stuffed fox +that did the mischief--and I am sorry to own it was Oswald who thought +of it. He is not ashamed of having _thought_ of it. That was rather +clever of him. But he knows now that it is better not to take other +people's foxes and things without asking, even if you live in the same +house with them. + +It was Oswald who undid the back of the glass case in the hall and got +out the fox with the green and gray duck in its mouth, and when the +others saw how awfully like life they looked on the lawn, they all +rushed off to fetch the other stuffed things. Uncle has a tremendous lot +of stuffed things. He shot most of them himself--but not the fox, of +course. There was another fox's mask, too, and we hung that in a bush to +look as if the fox was peeping out. And the stuffed birds we fastened on +to the trees with string. The duck-bill--what's its name?--looked very +well sitting on his tail with the otter snarling at him. Then Dicky had +an idea; and though not nearly so much was said about it afterwards as +there was about the stuffed things, I think myself it was just as bad, +though it was a good idea too. He just got the hose and put the end over +a branch of the cedar-tree. Then we got the steps they clean windows +with, and let the hose rest on the top of the steps and run. It was to +be a water-fall, but it ran between the steps and was only wet and +messy; so we got father's mackintosh and uncle's and covered the steps +with them, so that the water ran down all right and was glorious, and it +ran away in a stream across the grass where we had dug a little channel +for it--and the otter and the duck-bill thing were as if in their native +haunts. I hope all this is not very dull to read about. I know it was +jolly good fun to do. Taking one thing with another, I don't know that +we ever had a better time while it lasted. + +We got all the rabbits out of the hutches and put pink paper tails on to +them, and hunted them with horns, made out of the _Times_. They got away +somehow, and before they were caught next day they had eaten a good many +lettuces and other things. Oswald is very sorry for this. He rather +likes the gardener. + +Denny wanted to put paper tails on the guinea-pigs, and it was no use +our telling him there was nothing to tie the paper on to. He thought we +were kidding until we showed him, and then he said, "Well, never mind," +and got the girls to give him bits of the blue stuff left over from +their dressing-gowns. + +"I'll make them sashes to tie round their little middles," he said. And +he did, and the bows stuck up on the tops of their backs. One of the +guinea-pigs was never seen again, and the same with the tortoise when we +had done his shell with vermilion paint. He crawled away and returned no +more. Perhaps some one collected him and thought he was an expensive +kind, unknown in these cold latitudes. + +The lawn under the cedar was transformed into a dream of beauty, what +with the stuffed creatures and the paper-tailed things and the +water-fall. And Alice said: + +"I wish the tigers did not look so flat." For of course with pillows you +can only pretend it is a sleeping tiger getting ready to make a spring +out at you. It is difficult to prop up tiger-skins in a life-like manner +when there are no bones inside them, only pillows and sofa-cushions. +"What about the beer-stands?" I said. And we got two out of the cellar. +With bolsters and string we fastened insides to the tigers--and they +were really fine. The legs of the beer-stand did for tigers' legs. It +was indeed the finishing touch. + +Then we boys put on just our bathing drawers and vests--so as to be able +to play with the water-fall without hurting our clothes. I think this +was thoughtful. The girls only tucked up their frocks and took their +shoes and stockings off. H. O. painted his legs and his hands with +Condy's fluid--to make him brown, so that he might be Mowgli, although +Oswald was captain and had plainly said he was going to be Mowgli +himself. Of course the others weren't going to stand that. So Oswald +said: + +"Very well. Nobody asked you to brown yourself like that. But now you've +done it, you've simply got to go and be a beaver, and live in the dam +under the water-fall till it washes off." + +He said he didn't want to be beavers. And Noël said: + +"Don't make him. Let him be the bronze statue in the palace gardens +that the fountain plays out of." + +So we let him have the hose and hold it up over his head. It made a +lovely fountain, only he remained brown. So then Dicky and Oswald did +ourselves brown too, and dried H. O. as well as we could with our +handkerchiefs, because he was just beginning to snivel. The brown did +not come off any of us for days. + +Oswald was to be Mowgli, and we were just beginning to arrange the +different parts. The rest of the hose that was on the ground was Kaa, +the Rock Python, and Pincher was Gray Brother, only we couldn't find +him. And while most of us were talking, Dicky and Noël got messing about +with the beer-stand tigers. + +And then a really sad event instantly occurred, which was not really our +fault, and we did not mean to. + +That Daisy girl had been mooning indoors all the afternoon with the +jungle books, and now she came suddenly out, just as Dicky and Noël had +got under the tigers and were shoving them along to fright each other. +Of course, this is not in the Mowgli book at all: but they did look +jolly like real tigers, and I am very far from wishing to blame the +girl, though she little knew what would be the awful consequence of her +rash act. But for her we might have got out of it all much better than +we did. + +What happened was truly horrid. + +[Illustration: "WE LET THE HOSE PLAY PERSEVERINGLY"] + +As soon as Daisy saw the tigers she stopped short, and uttering a shriek +like a railway whistle, she fell flat on the ground. + +"Fear not, gentle Indian maiden," Oswald cried, thinking with surprise +that perhaps after all she did know how to play, "I myself will protect +thee." And he sprang forward with the native bow and arrows out of +uncle's study. + +The gentle Indian maiden did not move. + +"Come hither," Dora said, "let us take refuge in yonder covert while +this good knight does battle for us." + +Dora might have remembered that we were savages, but she did not. And +that is Dora all over. And still the Daisy girl did not move. + +Then we were truly frightened. Dora and Alice lifted her up, and her +mouth was a horrid violet color and her eyes half shut. She looked +horrid. Not at all like fair fainting damsels, who are always of an +interesting pallor. She was green, like a cheap oyster on a stall. + +We did what we could, a prey to alarm as we were. We rubbed her hands +and let the hose play gently but perseveringly on her unconscious brow. +The girls loosened her dress, though it was only the kind that comes +down straight without a waist. And we were all doing what we could as +hard as we could, when we heard the click of the front gate. There was +no mistake about it. + +"I hope whoever it is will go straight to the front door," said Alice. +But whoever it was did not. There were feet on the gravel, and there was +the uncle's voice, saying, in his hearty manner: + +"This way. This way. On such a day as this we shall find our young +barbarians all at play somewhere about the grounds." + +And then, without further warning, the uncle, three other gentlemen, and +two ladies burst upon the scene. + +We had no clothes on to speak of--I mean us boys. We were all wet +through. Daisy was in a faint or a fit, or dead, none of us then knew +which. And all the stuffed animals were there staring the uncle in the +face. Most of them had got a sprinkling, and the otter and the duck-bill +brute were simply soaked. And three of us were dark brown. Concealment, +as so often happens, was impossible. + +The quick brain of Oswald saw, in a flash, exactly how it would strike +the uncle, and his brave young blood ran cold in his veins. His heart +stood still. + +"What's all this--eh, what?" said the tones of the wronged uncle. + +Oswald spoke up and said it was jungles we were playing, and he didn't +know what was up with Daisy. He explained as well as any one could, but +words were now in vain. + +The uncle had a Malacca cane in his hand, and we were but ill prepared +to meet the sudden attack. Oswald and H. O. caught it worst. The other +boys were under the tigers--and, of course, my uncle would not strike a +girl. Denny was a visitor and so got off. But it was bread and water for +us for the next three days, and our own rooms. I will not tell you how +we sought to vary the monotonousness of imprisonment. Oswald thought of +taming a mouse, but he could not find one. The reason of the wretched +captives might have given way but for the gutter that you can crawl +along from our room to the girls'. But I will not dwell on this because +you might try it yourselves, and it really is dangerous. When my father +came home we got the talking to, and we said we were sorry--and we +really were--especially about Daisy, though she had behaved with +muffishness, and then it was settled that we were to go into the country +and stay till we had grown into better children. + +Albert's uncle was writing a book in the country; we were to go to his +house. We were glad of this--Daisy and Denny too. This we bore nobly. We +knew we had deserved it. We were all very sorry for everything, and we +resolved that for the future we _would_ be good. + +I am not sure whether we kept this resolution or not. Oswald thinks now +that perhaps we made a mistake in trying so very hard to be good all at +once. You should do everything by degrees. + + * * * * * + +_P.S._--It turned out Daisy was not really dead at all. It was only +fainting--so like a girl. + + * * * * * + +_N.B._--Pincher was found on the drawing-room sofa. + + * * * * * + +_Appendix._--I have not told you half the things we did for the +jungle--for instance, about the elephants' tusks and the horse-hair +sofa-cushions and uncle's fishing-boots. + + + + +THE WOULDBEGOODS + + +When we were sent down into the country to learn to be good we felt it +was rather good business, because we knew our being sent there was +really only to get us out of the way for a little while, and we knew +right enough that it wasn't a punishment, though Mrs. Blake said it was, +because we had been punished thoroughly for taking the stuffed animals +out and making a jungle on the lawn with them, and the garden hose. And +you cannot be punished twice for the same offence. This is the English +law; at least I think so. And at any rate no one would punish you three +times, and we had had the Malacca cane and the solitary confinement; and +the uncle had kindly explained to us that all ill-feeling between him +and us was wiped out entirely by the bread and water we had endured. And +what with the bread and water and being prisoners, and not being able to +tame any mice in our prisons, I quite feel that we had suffered it up +thoroughly, and now we could start fair. + +I think myself that descriptions of places are generally dull, but I +have sometimes thought that was because the authors do not tell you what +you truly want to know. However, dull or not, here goes--because you +won't understand anything unless I tell you what the place was like. + +The Moat House was the one we went to stay at. There has been a house +there since Saxon times. It is a manor, and a manor goes on having a +house on it whatever happens. The Moat House was burned down once or +twice in ancient centuries--I don't remember which--but they always +built a new one, and Cromwell's soldiers smashed it about, but it was +patched up again. It is a very odd house: the front door opens straight +into the dining-room, and there are red curtains and a black-and-white +marble floor like a chess-board, and there is a secret staircase, only +it is not secret now--only rather rickety. It is not very big, but there +is a watery moat all round it with a brick bridge that leads to the +front door. Then, on the other side of the moat there is the farm, with +barns and oast-houses and stables, or things like that. And the other +way the garden lawn goes on till it comes to the church-yard. The +church-yard is not divided from the garden at all except by a little +grass bank. In the front of the house there is more garden, and the big +fruit-garden is at the back. + +The man the house belongs to likes new houses, so he built a big one +with conservatories and a stable with a clock in a turret on the top, +and he let the Moat House. And Albert's uncle took it, and my father was +to come down sometimes from Saturday to Monday, and Albert's uncle was +to live with us all the time, and he would be writing a book, and we +were not to bother him, but he would give an eye to us. I hope all this +is plain. I have said it as short as I can. + +We got down rather late, but there was still light enough to see the big +bell hanging at the top of the house. The rope belonging to it went +right down the house, through our bedroom to the dining-room. H. O. saw +the rope and pulled it while he was washing his hands for supper, and +Dick and I let him, and the bell tolled solemnly. Father shouted to him +not to, and we went down to supper. But presently there were many feet +trampling on the gravel, and father went out to see. When he came back +he said: + +"The whole village, or half of it, has come up to see why the bell rang. +It's only rung for fire or burglars. Why can't you kids let things +alone?" + +Albert's uncle said: + +"Bed follows supper as the fruit follows the flower. They'll do no more +mischief to-night, sir. To-morrow I will point out a few of the things +to be avoided in this bucolic retreat." + +So it was bed directly after supper, and that was why we did not see +much that night. + +But in the morning we were all up rather early, and we seemed to have +awakened in a new world, rich in surprises beyond the dreams of anybody, +as it says in the quotation. + +We went everywhere we could in the time, but when it was breakfast-time +we felt we had not seen half or a quarter. The room we had breakfast in +was exactly like in a story--black oak panels and china in corner +cupboards with glass doors. These doors were locked. There were green +curtains, and honeycomb for breakfast. After brekker my father went back +to town, and Albert's uncle went too, to see publishers. We saw them to +the station, and father gave us a long list of what we weren't to do. It +began with "Don't pull ropes unless you're quite sure what will happen +at the other end," and it finished with "For goodness' sake, try to keep +out of mischief till I come down on Saturday." There were lots of other +things in between. + +We all promised we would. And we saw them off, and waved till the train +was quite out of sight. Then we started to walk home. Daisy was tired, +so Oswald carried her home on his back. When we got home she said: + +"I do like you, Oswald." + +She is not a bad little kid; and Oswald felt it was his duty to be nice +to her because she was a visitor. Then we looked all over everything. It +was a glorious place. You did not know where to begin. + +We were all a little tired before we found the hay-loft, but we pulled +ourselves together to make a fort with the trusses of hay--great square +things--and we were having a jolly good time, all of us, when suddenly a +trap-door opened and a head bobbed up with a straw in its mouth. We knew +nothing about the country then, and the head really did scare us +rather, though, of course, we found out directly that the feet belonging +to it were standing on the bar of the loose-box underneath. The head +said: + +"Don't you let the governor catch you a-spoiling of that there hay, +that's all." And it spoke thickly because of the straw. + +It is strange to think how ignorant you were in the past. We can hardly +believe now that once we really did not know that it spoiled hay to mess +about with it. Horses don't like to eat it afterwards. Always remember +this. + +When the head had explained a little more it went away, and we turned +the handle of the chaff-cutting machine, and nobody got hurt, though the +head _had_ said we should cut our fingers off if we touched it. + +And then we sat down on the floor, which is dirty with the nice clean +dirt that is more than half chopped hay, and those there was room for +hung their legs down out of the top door, and we looked down at the +farmyard, which is very slushy when you get down into it, but most +interesting. + +Then Alice said: + +"Now we're all here, and the boys are tired enough to sit still for a +minute, I want to have a council." + +We said, "What about?" And she said, "I'll tell you. H. O., don't +wriggle so; sit on my frock if the straws tickle your legs." + +You see he wears socks, and so he can never be quite as comfortable as +any one else. + +"Promise not to laugh," Alice said, getting very red, and looking at +Dora, who got red too. + +We did, and then she said: "Dora and I have talked this over, and Daisy +too, and we have written it down because it is easier than saying it. +Shall I read it? or will you, Dora?" + +Dora said it didn't matter; Alice might. So Alice read it, and though +she gabbled a bit we all heard it. I copied it afterwards. This is what +she read: + + +"NEW SOCIETY FOR BEING GOOD IN + +"I, Dora Bastable, and Alice Bastable, my sister, being of sound mind +and body, when we were shut up with bread and water on that jungle day, +we thought a great deal about our naughty sins, and we made our minds up +to be good forever after. And we talked to Daisy about it, and she had +an idea. So we want to start a society for being good in. It is Daisy's +idea, but we think so too." + +"You know," Dora interrupted, "when people want to do good things they +always make a society. There are thousands--there's the Missionary +Society." + +"Yes," Alice said, "and the Society for the Prevention of something or +other, and the Young Men's Mutual Improvement Society, and the S. P. G." + +"What's S. P. G.?" Oswald asked. + +"Society for the Propagation of the Jews, of course," said Noël, who +cannot always spell. + +"No, it isn't; but do let me go on." + +Alice did go on. + +"We propose to get up a society, with a chairman and a treasurer and +secretary, and keep a journal-book saying what we've done. If that +doesn't make us good it won't be my fault. + +"The aim of the society is nobleness and goodness, and great and +unselfish deeds. We wish not to be such a nuisance to grown-up people, +and to perform prodigies of real goodness. We wish to spread our +wings"--here Alice read very fast. She told me afterwards Daisy had +helped her with that part, and she thought when she came to the wings +they sounded rather silly--"to spread our wings and rise above the kind +of interesting things that you ought not to do, but to do kindnesses to +all, however low and mean." + +Denny was listening carefully. Now he nodded three or four times. + + "Little words of kindness" (he said), + "Little deeds of love, + Make this earth an eagle + Like the one above." + +This did not sound right, but we let it pass, because an eagle _does_ +have wings, and we wanted to hear the rest of what the girls had +written. But there was no rest. + +"That's all," said Alice, and Daisy said: + +"Don't you think it's a good idea?" + +"That depends," Oswald answered, "who is president, and what you mean by +being good." Oswald did not care very much for the idea himself, +because being good is not the sort of thing he thinks it is proper to +talk about, especially before strangers. But the girls and Denny seemed +to like it, so Oswald did not say exactly what he thought, especially as +it was Daisy's idea. This was true politeness. + +"I think it would be nice," Noël said, "if we made it a sort of play. +Let's do the 'Pilgrim's Progress.'" + +We talked about that for some time, but it did not come to anything, +because we all wanted to be Mr. Greatheart, except H. O., who wanted to +be the lions, and you could not have lions in a Society for Goodness. + +Dicky said he did not wish to play if it meant reading books about +children who die; he really felt just as Oswald did about it, he told me +afterwards. But the girls were looking as if they were in Sunday school, +and we did not wish to be unkind. + +At last Oswald said, "Well, let's draw up the rules of the society, and +choose the president and settle the name." + +Dora said Oswald should be president, and he modestly consented. She was +secretary, and Denny treasurer if we ever had any money. + +Making the rules took us all the afternoon. They were these: + + +RULES + +1. Every member is to be as good as possible. + +2. There is to be no more jaw than necessary about being good. (Oswald +and Dicky put that rule in.) + +3. No day must pass without our doing some kind action to a suffering +fellow-creature. + +4. We are to meet every day, or as often as we like. + +5. We are to do good to people we don't like as often as we can. + +6. No one is to leave the Society without the consent of all the rest of +us. + +7. The Society is to be kept a profound secret from all the world except +us. + +8. The name of our Society is-- + +And when we got as far as that we all began to talk at once. Dora wanted +it called the Society for Humane Improvement; Denny said the Society for +Reformed Outcast Children; but Dicky said, "No, we really were not so +bad as all that." Then H. O. said, "Call it the Good Society." + +"Or the Society for Being Good In," said Daisy. + +"Or the Society of Goods," said Noël. + +"That's priggish," said Oswald; "besides, we don't know whether we shall +be so very." + +"You see," Alice explained, "we only said if we _could_ we would be +good." + +"Well, then," Dicky said, getting up and beginning to dust the chopped +hay off himself, "call it the Society of the Wouldbegoods and have done +with it." + +Oswald thinks Dicky was getting sick of it and wanted to make himself a +little disagreeable. If so, he was doomed to disappointment. For every +one else clapped hands and called out, "That's the very thing!" Then the +girls went off to write out the rules, and took H. O. with them, and +Noël went to write some poetry to put in the minute book. That's what +you call the book that a society's secretary writes what it does in. +Denny went with him to help. He knows a lot of poetry. I think he went +to a lady's school where they taught nothing but that. He was rather shy +of us, but he took to Noël. I can't think why. Dicky and Oswald walked +round the garden and told each other what they thought of the new +society. + +"I'm not sure we oughtn't to have put our foot down at the beginning," +Dicky said. "I don't see much in it, anyhow." + +"It pleases the girls," Oswald said, for he is a kind brother. + +"But we're not going to stand jaw, and 'words in season,' and 'loving +sisterly warnings.' I tell you what it is, Oswald, we'll have to run +this thing our way, or it'll be jolly beastly for everybody." + +Oswald saw this plainly. + +"We must do something," Dicky said; "it's very hard, though. Still, +there must be _some_ interesting things that are not wrong." + +"I suppose so," Oswald said, "but being good is so much like being a +muff, generally. Anyhow I'm not going to smooth the pillows of the sick, +or read to the aged poor, or any rot out of _Ministering Children_." + +"No more am I," Dicky said. He was chewing a straw like the head had in +its mouth, "but I suppose we must play the game fair. Let's begin by +looking out for something useful to do--something like mending things or +cleaning them, not just showing off." + +"The boys in books chop kindling wood and save their pennies to buy tea +and tracts." + +"Little beasts!" said Dick. "I say, let's talk about something else." +And Oswald was glad to, for he was beginning to feel jolly +uncomfortable. + +We were all rather quiet at tea, and afterwards Oswald played draughts +with Daisy and the others yawned. I don't know when we've had such a +gloomy evening. And every one was horribly polite, and said "Please" and +"Thank you," far more than requisite. + +Albert's uncle came home after tea. He was jolly, and told us stories, +but he noticed us being a little dull, and asked what blight had fallen +on our young lives. Oswald could have answered and said, "It is the +Society of the Wouldbegoods that is the blight," but of course he +didn't; and Albert's uncle said no more, but he went up and kissed the +girls when they were in bed, and asked them if there was anything wrong. +And they told him no, on their honor. + +[Illustration: "'LITTLE BEASTS,' SAID DICK"] + +The next morning Oswald awoke early. The refreshing beams of the morning +sun shone on his narrow, white bed and on the sleeping forms of his dear +little brothers, and Denny, who had got the pillow on top of his head +and was snoring like a kettle when it sings. Oswald could not remember +at first what was the matter with him, and then he remembered the +Wouldbegoods, and wished he hadn't. He felt at first as if there was +nothing you could do, and even hesitated to buzz a pillow at Denny's +head. But he soon saw that this could not be. So he chucked his boot and +caught Denny right in the waistcoat part, and thus the day began more +brightly than he had expected. + +Oswald had not done anything out of the way good the night before, +except that when no one was looking he polished the brass candlestick in +the girls' bedroom with one of his socks. And he might just as well have +let it alone, for the servants cleaned it again with the other things in +the morning, and he could never find the sock afterwards. There were two +servants. One of them had to be called Mrs. Pettigrew instead of Jane +and Eliza like others. She was cook and managed things. + +After breakfast Albert's uncle said: + +"I now seek the retirement of my study. At your peril violate my privacy +before 1.30 sharp. Nothing short of bloodshed will warrant the +intrusion, and nothing short of man--or rather boy--slaughter shall +avenge it." + +So we knew he wanted to be quiet, and the girls decided that we ought to +play out of doors so as not to disturb him; we should have played out of +doors anyhow on a jolly fine day like that. + +But as we were going out Dicky said to Oswald: + +"I say, come along here a minute, will you?" + +So Oswald came along, and Dicky took him into the other parlor and shut +the door, and Oswald said: + +"Well, spit it out: what is it?" He knows that is vulgar, and he would +not have said it to any one but his own brother. + +Dicky said: + +"It's a pretty fair nuisance. I told you how it would be." + + +And Oswald was patient with him, and said: + +"What is? Don't be all day about it." + +Dicky fidgeted about a bit, and then he said: + +"Well, I did as I said. I looked about for something useful to do. And +you know that dairy window that wouldn't open--only a little bit like +that? Well, I mended the catch with wire and whipcord and it opened +wide." + +"And I suppose they didn't want it mended," said Oswald. He knows but +too well that grown-up people sometimes like to keep things far +different from what we would, and you catch it if you try to do +otherwise. + +"I shouldn't have minded _that_," Dicky said, "because I could easily +have taken it all off again if they'd only said so. But the sillies went +and propped up a milk-pan against the window. They never took the +trouble to notice I had mended it. So the wretched thing pushed the +window open all by itself directly they propped it up, and it's tumbled +through into the moat, and they are most awfully waxy. All the men are +out in the fields, and they haven't any spare milk-pans. If I were a +farmer, I must say I wouldn't stick at an extra milk-pan or two. +Accidents must happen sometimes. I call it mean." + +Dicky spoke in savage tones. But Oswald was not so unhappy, first +because it wasn't his fault, and next because he is a far-seeing boy. + +"Never mind," he said, kindly. "Keep your tail up. We'll get the beastly +milk-pan out all right. Come on." + +He rushed hastily to the garden and gave a low signifying whistle, which +the others know well enough to mean something extra being up. + +And when they were all gathered round him he spoke. + +"Fellow-countrymen," he said, "we're going to have a rousing good time." + +"It's nothing naughty, is it," Daisy asked, "like the last time you had +that was rousingly good?" + +Alice said "Shish," and Oswald pretended not to hear. + +"A precious treasure," he said, "has inadvertently been laid low in the +moat by one of us." + +"The rotten thing tumbled in by itself," Dicky said. + +Oswald waved his hand and said, "Anyhow, it's there. It's our duty to +restore it to its sorrowing owners. I say, look here--we're going to +drag the moat." + +Every one brightened up at this. It was our duty and it was interesting +too. This is very uncommon. + +So we went out to where the orchard is, at the other side of the moat. +There were gooseberries and things on the bushes, but we did not take +any till we had asked if we might. Alice went and asked. Mrs. Pettigrew +said, "Law! I suppose so; you'd eat 'em anyhow, leave or no leave." + +She little knows the honorable nature of the house of Bastable. But she +has much to learn. + +The orchard slopes gently down to the dark waters of the moat. We sat +there in the sun and talked about dragging the moat, till Denny said, +"How _do_ you drag moats?" + +And we were speechless, because, though we had read many times about a +moat being dragged for missing heirs and lost wills, we really had never +thought about exactly how it was done. + +"Grappling-irons are right, I believe," Denny said, "but I don't suppose +they'd have any at the farm." + +And we asked, and found they had never even heard of them. I think +myself he meant some other word, but he was quite positive. + +So then we got a sheet off Oswald's bed, and we all took our shoes and +stockings off, and we tried to see if the sheet would drag the bottom of +the moat, which is shallow at that end. But it would keep floating on +the top of the water, and when we tried sewing stones into one end of +it, it stuck on something in the bottom, and when we got it up it was +torn. We were very sorry, and the sheet was in an awful mess; but the +girls said they were sure they could wash it in the basin in their room, +and we thought as we had torn it any way, we might as well go on. That +washing never came off. + +"No human being," Noël said, "knows half the treasures hidden in this +dark tarn." + +And we decided we would drag a bit more at that end, and work gradually +round to under the dairy window where the milk-pan was. We could not see +that part very well, because of the bushes that grow between the cracks +of the stones where the house goes down into the moat. And opposite the +dairy window the barn goes straight down into the moat too. It is like +pictures of Venice; but you cannot get opposite the dairy window anyhow. + +We got the sheet down again when we had tied the torn parts together in +a bunch with string, and Oswald was just saying: + +"Now then, my hearties, pull together, pull with a will! One, two, +three," when suddenly Dora dropped her bit of the sheet with a piercing +shriek and cried out: + +"Oh! it's all wormy at the bottom. I felt them wriggle." And she was out +of the water almost before the words were out of her mouth. The other +girls all scuttled out too, and they let the sheet go in such a hurry +that we had no time to steady ourselves, and one of us went right in, +and the rest got wet up to our waistbands. The one who went right in was +only H. O.; but Dora made an awful fuss and said it was our fault. We +told her what we thought, and it ended in the girls going in with H. O. +to change his things. We had some more gooseberries while they were +gone. Dora was in an awful wax when she went away, but she is not of a +sullen disposition though some times hasty, and when they all came back +we saw it was all right, so we said: + +"What shall we do now?" + +Alice said, "I don't think we need drag any more. It _is_ wormy. I felt +it when Dora did. And besides, the milk-pan is sticking a bit of itself +out of the water. I saw it through the dairy window." + +"Couldn't we get it up with fish-hooks?" Noël said. But Alice explained +that the dairy was now locked up and the key taken out. + +So then Oswald said: + +"Look here, we'll make a raft. We should have to do it some time, and we +might as well do it now. I saw an old door in that corner stable that +they don't use. You know. The one where they chop the wood." + +We got the door. + +We had never made a raft, any of us, but the way to make rafts is better +described in books, so we knew what to do. + +We found some nice little tubs stuck up on the fence of the farm garden, +and nobody seemed to want them for anything just then, so we took them. +Denny had a box of tools some one had given him for his last birthday; +they were rather rotten little things, but the gimlet worked all right, +so we managed to make holes in the edges of the tubs and fasten them +with string under the four corners of the old door. This took us a long +time. Albert's uncle asked us at dinner what we had been playing at, and +we said it was a secret, and it was nothing wrong. You see we wished to +atone for Dicky's mistake before anything more was said. The house has +no windows in the side that faces the orchard. + +The rays of the afternoon sun were beaming along the orchard grass when +at last we launched the raft. She floated out beyond reach with the last +shove of the launching. But Oswald waded out and towed her back; he is +not afraid of worms. Yet if he had known of the other things that were +in the bottom of that moat he would have kept his boots on. So would the +others, especially Dora, as you will see. + +At last the gallant craft rode upon the waves. We manned her, though not +up to our full strength, because if more than four got on the water came +up too near our knees, and we feared she might founder if over-manned. + +Daisy and Denny did not want to go on the raft, white mice that they +were, so that was all right. And as H. O. had been wet through once he +was not very keen. Alice promised Noël her best paint-brush if he'd give +up and not go, because we knew well that the voyage was fraught with +deep dangers, though the exact danger that lay in wait for us under the +dairy window we never even thought of. + +So we four elder ones got on the raft very carefully; and even then, +every time we moved the water swished up over the raft and hid our feet. +But I must say it was a jolly decent raft. + +Dicky was captain, because it was his adventure. We had hop-poles from +the hop-garden beyond the orchard to punt with. We made the girls stand +together in the middle and hold on to each other to keep steady. Then we +christened our gallant vessel. We called it the _Richard_, after Dicky, +and also after the splendid admiral who used to eat wine-glasses and +died after the Battle of the _Revenge_ in Tennyson's poetry. + +Then those on shore waved a fond adieu as well as they could with the +dampness of their handkerchiefs, which we had had to use to dry our legs +and feet when we put on our stockings for dinner, and slowly and stately +the good ship moved away from shore, riding on the waves as though they +were her native element. + +We kept her going with the hop-poles, and we kept her steady in the same +way, but we could not always keep her steady enough, and we could not +always keep her in the wind's eye. That is to say, she went where we did +not want, and once she bumped her corner against the barn wall, and all +the crew had to sit down suddenly to avoid falling overboard into a +watery grave. Of course then the waves swept her decks, and when we got +up again we said that we should have to change completely before tea. + +But we pressed on undaunted, and at last our saucy craft came into port +under the dairy window, and there was the milk-pan, for whose sake we +had endured such hardships and privations, standing up on its edge quite +quietly. + +The girls did not wait for orders from the captain, as they ought to +have done; but they cried out, "Oh, here it is!" and then both reached +out to get it. Any one who has pursued a naval career will see that of +course the raft capsized. For a moment it felt like standing on the roof +of the house, and the next moment the ship stood up on end and shot the +whole crew into the dark waters. + +We boys can swim all right. Oswald has swum three times across the +Ladywell Swimming Baths at the shallow end, and Dicky is nearly as good; +but just then we did not think of this; though, of course, if the water +had been deep we should have. + +As soon as Oswald could get the muddy water out of his eyes he opened +them on a horrid scene. + +Dicky was standing up to his shoulders in the inky waters; the raft had +righted itself, and was drifting gently away towards the front of the +house, where the bridge is, and Doar and Alice were rising from the +deep, with their hair all plastered over their faces--like Venus in the +Latin verses. + +There was a great noise of splashing. And besides that a feminine voice, +looking out of the dairy window and screaming: + +"Lord love the children!" + +It was Mrs. Pettigrew. She disappeared at once, and we were sorry we +were in such a situation that she would be able to get at Albert's uncle +before we could. Afterwards we were not so sorry. + +Before a word could be spoken about our desperate position, Dora +staggered a little in the water, and suddenly shrieked, "Oh, my foot! +oh, it's a shark! I know it is--or a crocodile!" + +The others on the bank could hear her shrieking, but they could not see +us properly; they did not know what was happening. Noël told me +afterwards he never could care for that paint-brush. + +Of course we knew it could not be a shark, but I thought of pike, which +are large and very angry always, and I caught hold of Dora. She screamed +without stopping. I shoved her along to where there was a ledge of +brickwork, and shoved her up, till she could sit on it, then she got her +foot out of the water, still screaming. + +It was indeed terrible. The thing she thought was a shark came up with +her foot, and it was a horrid, jagged, old meat-tin, and she had put her +foot right into it. Oswald got it off, and directly he did so blood +began to pour from the wounds. The tin edges had cut it in several +spots. It was very pale blood, because her foot was wet, of course. + +She stopped screaming, and turned green, and I thought she was going to +faint, like Daisy did on the jungle day. + +Oswald held her up as well as he could, but it really was one of the +least agreeable moments in his life. For the raft was gone, and she +couldn't have waded back anyway, and we didn't know how deep the moat +might be in other places. + +But Mrs. Pettigrew had not been idle. She is not a bad sort really. + +Just as Oswald was wondering whether he could swim after the raft and +get it back, a boat's nose shot out from under a dark archway a little +further up under the house. It was the boathouse, and Albert's uncle had +got the punt and took us back in it. When we had regained the dark arch +where the boat lives we had to go up the cellar stairs. Dora had to be +carried. + +There was but little said to us that day. We were sent to bed--those who +had not been on the raft the same as the others, for they owned up all +right, and Albert's uncle is the soul of justice. + +Next day but one was Saturday. Father gave us a talking to--with other +things. + +The worst, though, was when Dora couldn't get her shoe on, so they sent +for the doctor, and Dora had to lie down for ever so long. It was indeed +poor luck. + +When the doctor had gone Alice said to me: + +"It _is_ hard lines, but Dora's very jolly about it. Daisy's been +telling her about how we should all go to her with our little joys and +sorrows and things, and about the sweet influence from a sick bed that +can be felt all over the house, like in _What Katy Did_, and Dora said +she hoped she might prove a blessing to us all while she's laid up." + +Oswald said he hoped so, but he was not pleased. Because this sort of +jaw was exactly the sort of thing he and Dicky didn't want to have +happen. + +The thing we got it hottest for was those little tubs off the garden +railings. They turned out to be butter-tubs that had been put out there +"to sweeten." + +But as Denny said, "After the mud in that moat not all the perfumes of +somewhere or other could make them fit to use for butter again." + +I own this was rather a bad business. Yet we did not do it to please +ourselves, but because it was our duty. But that made no difference to +our punishment when father came down. I have known this mistake occur +before. + + + + +BILL'S TOMBSTONE + + +There were soldiers riding down the road, on horses, two and two. That +is the horses were two and two, and the men not. Because each man was +riding one horse and leading another. To exercise them. They came from +Chatham Barracks. We all drew up in a line outside the church-yard wall, +and saluted as they went by, though we had not read _Toady Lion_ then. +We have since. It is the only decent book I have ever read written by +_Toady Lion's_ author. The others are mere piffle. But many people like +them. + +In _Sir Toady Lion_ the officer salutes the child. + +There was only a lieutenant with those soldiers, and he did not salute +me. He kissed his hand to the girls; and a lot of the soldiers behind +kissed theirs too. We waved ours back. + +Next day we made a Union Jack out of pocket-handkerchiefs and part of a +red flannel petticoat of the White Mouse's, which she did not want just +then, and some blue ribbon we got at the village shop. + +Then we watched for the soldiers, and after three days they went by +again, by twos and twos as before. It was A1. + +We waved our flag, and we shouted. We gave them three cheers. Oswald can +shout loudest. So as soon as the first man was level with us (not the +advance guard, but the first of the battery)--he shouted: + +"Three cheers for the Queen and the British Army!" + +And then we waved the flag, and bellowed. Oswald stood on the wall to +bellow better, and Denny waved the flag because he was a visitor, and so +politeness made us let him enjoy the fat of whatever there was going. + +The soldiers did not cheer that day; they only grinned and kissed their +hands. + +The next day we all got up as much like soldiers as we could. H. O. and +Noël had tin swords, and we asked Albert's uncle to let us wear some of +the real arms that are on the wall in the dining-room. And he said, +"Yes," if we would clean them up afterwards. But we jolly well cleaned +them up first with Brooke's soap and brick dust and vinegar, and the +knife polish (invented by the great and immortal Duke of Wellington in +his spare time when he was not conquering Napoleon. Three cheers for our +Iron Duke!), and with emery paper and wash leather and whitening. Oswald +wore a cavalry sabre in its sheath. Alice and the Mouse had pistols in +their belts, large old flint-locks, with bits of red flannel behind the +flints. Denny had a naval cutlass, a very beautiful blade, and old +enough to have been at Trafalgar. I hope it was. The others had French +sword-bayonets that were used in the Franco-German War. They are very +bright, when you get them bright, but the sheaths are hard to polish. +Each sword-bayonet has the name on the blade of the warrior who once +wielded it. I wonder where they are now. Perhaps some of them died in +the war. Poor chaps! But it is a very long time ago. + +I should like to be a soldier. It is better than going to the best +schools, and to Oxford afterwards, even if it is Balliol you go to. +Oswald wanted to go to South Africa for a bugler, but father would not +let him. And it is true that Oswald does not yet know how to bugle, +though he can play the infantry "advance," and the "charge" and the +"halt" on a penny whistle. Alice taught them to him with the piano, out +of the red book father's cousin had when he was in the Fighting Fifth. +Oswald cannot play the "retire," and he would scorn to do so. But I +suppose a bugler has to play what he is told, no matter how galling to +the young boy's proud spirit. + +The next day, being thoroughly armed, we put on everything red, white, +and blue that we could think of--night-shirts are good for white, and +you don't know what you can do with red socks and blue jerseys till you +try--and we waited by the church-yard wall for the soldiers. When the +advance-guard (or whatever you call it of artillery--it's that for +infantry, I know) came by we got ready, and when the first man of the +first battery was level with us Oswald played on his penny whistle the +"advance" and the "charge"--and then shouted: + +"Three cheers for the Queen and the British Army!" + +This time they had the guns with them. And every man of the battery +cheered too. It was glorious. It made you tremble all over. The girls +said it made them want to cry--but no boy would own to this, even if it +were true. It is babyish to cry. But it was glorious, and Oswald felt +different to what he ever did before. + +Then suddenly the officer in front said, "Battery! Halt!" and all the +soldiers pulled their horses up, and the great guns stopped too. Then +the officer said, "Sit at ease," and something else, and the sergeant +repeated it, and some of the men got off their horses and lit their +pipes, and some sat down on the grass edge of the road, holding their +horses' bridles. + +We could see all the arms and accoutrements as plain as plain. + +Then the officer came up to us. We were all standing on the wall that +day, except Dora, who had to sit, because her foot was bad, but we let +her have the three-edged rapier to wear, and the blunderbuss to hold as +well--it has a brass mouth, and is like in Mr. Caldecott's pictures. + +He was a beautiful man the officer. Like a Viking. Very tall and fair, +with mustaches very long, and bright blue eyes. + +He said: + +"Good-morning." + +So did we. + +Then he said: + +"You seem to be a military lot." + +We said we wished we were. + +"And patriotic," said he. + +Alice said she should jolly well think so. + +Then he said he had noticed us there for several days, and he had halted +the battery because he thought we might like to look at the guns. + +Alas! there are but too few grown-up people so far-seeing and thoughtful +as this brave and distinguished officer. + +We said, "Oh yes," and then we got off the wall, and that good and noble +man showed us the string that moves the detonator, and the breech-block +(when you take it out and carry it away, the gun is in vain to the +enemy, even if he takes it); and he let us look down the gun to see the +rifling, all clean and shiny; and he showed us the ammunition boxes, but +there was nothing in them. He also told us how the gun was unlimbered +(this means separating the gun from the ammunition carriage), and how +quick it could be done--but he did not make the men do this then, +because they were resting. There were six guns. Each had painted on the +carriage, in white letters, 15 Pr., which the captain told us meant +fifteen-pounder. + +"I should have thought the gun weighed more than fifteen pounds," Dora +said. "It would if it was beef, but I suppose wood and gun are lighter." + +And the officer explained to her very kindly and patiently that 15 Pr. +meant the gun could throw a _shell_ weighing fifteen pounds. + +When we had told him how jolly it was to see the soldiers go by so +often, he said: + +"You won't see us many more times. We're ordered to the front; and we +sail on Tuesday week; and the guns will be painted mud-color, and the +men will wear mud-color too, and so shall I." + +The men looked very nice, though they were not wearing their busbies, +but only Tommy caps, put on all sorts of ways. + +We were very sorry they were going, but Oswald, as well as others, +looked with envy on those who would soon be allowed--being grown up, and +no nonsense about your education--to go and fight for their Queen and +country. + +Then suddenly Alice whispered to Oswald, and he said: + +"All right; but tell him yourself." + +So Alice said to the captain: + +"Will you stop next time you pass?" + +He said, "I'm afraid I can't promise that." + +Alice said, "You might; there's a particular reason." + +He said, "What?" which was a natural remark; not rude, as it is with +children. + +Alice said: + +"We want to give the soldiers a keepsake. I will write to ask my father. +He is very well off just now. Look here--if we're not on the wall when +you come by, don't stop; but if we are, _please_, PLEASE do!" + +The officer pulled his mustache and looked as if he did not quite know; +but at last he said "Yes," and we were very glad, though but Alice and +Oswald knew the dark but pleasant scheme at present fermenting in their +youthful nuts. + +The captain talked a lot to us. At last Noël said: + +"I think you are like Diarmid of the Golden Collar. But I should like to +see your sword out, and shining in the sun like burnished silver." + +The captain laughed and grasped the hilt of his good blade. But Oswald +said, hurriedly: + +"Don't. Not yet. We sha'n't ever have a chance like this. If you'd only +show us the pursuing practice! Albert's uncle knows it; but he only does +it on an arm-chair, because he hasn't a horse." + +And that brave and swagger captain did really do it. He rode his horse +right into our gate when we opened it, and showed us all the cuts, +thrusts, and guards. There are four of each kind. It was splendid. The +morning sun shone on his flashing blade, and his good steed stood with +all its legs far apart and stiff on the lawn. Then we opened the paddock +gate and he did it again, while the horse galloped as if upon the bloody +battle-field among the fierce foes of his native land, and this was far +more ripping still. + +Then we thanked him very much, and he went away, taking his men with +him. And the guns, of course. + +Then we wrote to my father, and he said "Yes," as we knew he would, and +next time the soldiers came by--but they had no guns this time, only the +captive Arabs of the desert--we had the keepsakes ready in a +wheelbarrow, and we were on the church-yard wall. + +And the bold captain called an immediate halt. + +Then the girls had the splendid honor and pleasure of giving a pipe and +four whole ounces of tobacco to each soldier. + +Then we shook hands with the captain and the sergeant and the corporals, +and the girls kissed the captain--I can't think why girls will kiss +everybody--and we all cheered for the Queen. + +It was grand. And I wish my father had been there to see how much you +can do with £12 if you order the things from the Stores. + +We have never seen those brave soldiers again. + +I have told you all this to show you how we got so keen about soldiers, +and why we sought to aid and abet the poor widow at the white cottage in +her desolate and oppressedness. + +Her name was Simpkins, and her cottage was just beyond the church-yard, +on the other side from our house. On the different military occasions +which I have remarked upon this widow woman stood at her garden gate and +looked on. And after the cheering she rubbed her eyes with her apron. +Alice noticed this slight but signifying action. + +We feel quite sure Mrs. Simpkins liked soldiers, and so we felt friendly +to her. But when we tried to talk to her she would not. She told us to +go along with us, do, and not bother her. And Oswald, with his usual +delicacy and good breeding, made the others do as she said. + +But we were not to be thus repulsed with impunity. We made complete but +cautious inquiries, and found out that the reason she cried when she saw +soldiers was that she had only one son, a boy. He was twenty-two, and he +had gone to the war last April. So that she thought of him when she saw +the soldiers, and that was why she cried. Because when your son is at +the wars you always think he is being killed. I don't know why. A great +many of them are not. If I had a son at the wars I should never think he +was dead till I heard he was, and perhaps not then, considering +everything. + +After we had found this out we held a council. + +Dora said, "We must do something for the soldier's widowed mother." + +We all agreed, but added, "What?" + +Alice said, "The gift of money might be deemed an insult by that proud, +patriotic spirit. Besides, we haven't more than eighteenpence among us." + +We had put what we had to father's £12 to buy the baccy and pipes. + +The Mouse then said, "Couldn't we make her a flannel petticoat and leave +it without a word upon her doorstep?" + +But every one said, "Flannel petticoats in this weather?" so that was no +go. + +Noël said he would write her a poem, but Oswald had a deep, inward +feeling that Mrs. Simpkins would not understand poetry. Many people do +not. + +H. O. said, "Why not sing 'Rule Britannia' under her window after she +had gone to bed, like waits," but no one else thought so. + +Denny thought we might get up a subscription for her among the wealthy +and affluent, but we said again that we knew money would be no balm to +the haughty mother of a brave British soldier. + +"What we want," Alice said, "is something that will be a good deal of +trouble to us and some good to her." + +"A little help is worth a deal of poetry," said Denny. I should not have +said that myself. Noël did look sick. + +"What _does_ she do that we can help in?" Dora asked. "Besides, she +won't let us help." + +H. O. said, "She does nothing but work in the garden. At least if she +does anything inside you can't see it, because she keeps the door shut." + +Then at once we saw. And we agreed to get up the very next day, ere yet +the rosy dawn had flushed the east, and have a go at Mrs. Simpkins's +garden. + +We got up. We really did. But too often when you mean to, over night, it +seems so silly to do it when you come to waking in the dewy morn. We +crept down-stairs with our boots in our hands. Denny is rather unlucky, +though a most careful boy. It was he who dropped his boot, and it went +blundering down the stairs, echoing like thunder-bolts, and waking up +Albert's uncle. But when we explained to him that we were going to do +some gardening he let us, and went back to bed. + +Everything is very pretty and different in the early morning, before +people are up. I have been told this is because the shadows go a +different way from what they do in the awake part of the day. But I +don't know. Noël says the fairies have just finished tidying up then. +Anyhow it all feels quite otherwise. + +We put on our boots in the porch, and we got our gardening tools and we +went down to the white cottage. It is a nice cottage, with a thatched +roof, like in the drawing-copies you get at girls' schools, and you do +the thatch--if you can--with a B.B. pencil. If you cannot, you just +leave it. It looks just as well, somehow, when it is mounted and framed. + +We looked at the garden. It was very neat. Only one patch was coming up +thick with weeds. I could see groundsell and chickweed, and others that +I did not know. We set to work with a will. We used all our +tools--spades, forks, hoes, and rakes--and Dora worked with the trowel, +sitting down, because her foot was hurt. We cleared the weedy patch +beautifully, scraping off all the nasty weeds and leaving the nice clean +brown dirt. We worked as hard as ever we could. And we were happy, +because it was unselfish toil, and no one thought then of putting it in +the Book of Golden Deeds, where we had agreed to write down our +virtuous actions and the good doings of each other, when we happen to +notice them. + +We had just done, and we were looking at the beautiful production of our +honest labor, when the cottage door burst open, and the soldier's +widowed mother came out like a wild tornado, and her eyes looked like +upas-trees--death to the beholder. + +"You wicked, meddlesome, nasty children!" she said, "ain't you got +enough of your own good ground to runch up and spoil but you must come +into _my_ little lot?" + +Some of us were deeply alarmed, but we stood firm. + +"We have only been weeding your garden," Dora said; "we wanted to do +something to help you." + +"Dratted little busybodies," she said. It was indeed hard, but every one +in Kent says "dratted" when they are cross. "It's my turnips," she went +on, "you've hoed up, and my cabbages. My turnips that my boy sowed afore +he went. There, get along with you, do, afore I come at you with my +broom-handle." + +She did come at us with her broom-handle as she spoke, and even the +boldest turned and fled. Oswald was even the boldest. + +"They looked like weeds right enough," he said. + +And Dicky said, "It all comes of trying to do golden deeds." + +This was when we were out in the road. + +As we went along, in a silence full of gloomy remorse, we met the +postman. He said: + +"Here's the letters for the Moat," and passed on hastily. He was a bit +late. + +When we came to look through the letters, which were nearly all for +Albert's uncle, we found there was a post-card that had got stuck in a +magazine wrapper. Alice pulled it out. It was addressed to Mrs. +Simpkins. We honorably only looked at the address, although it is +allowed by the rules of honorableness to read post-cards that come to +your house if you like, even if they are not for you. + +After a heated discussion, Alice and Oswald said they were not afraid, +whoever was, and they retraced their steps, Alice holding the post-card +right way up, so that we should not look at the lettery part of it, but +only the address. + +With quickly beating heart, but outwardly unmoved, they walked up to the +white cottage door. + +It opened with a bang when we knocked. + +"Well?" Mrs. Simpkins said, and I think she said it what people in books +call "sourly." + +Oswald said, "We are very, very sorry we spoiled your turnips, and we +will ask my father to try and make it up to you some other way." + +She muttered something about not wanting to be beholden to anybody. + +"We came back," Oswald went on, with his always unruffled politeness, +"because the postman gave us a post-card in mistake with our letters, +and it is addressed to you." + +"We haven't read it," Alice said, quickly. I think she needn't have said +that. Of course we hadn't. But perhaps girls know better than we do +what women are likely to think you capable of. + +The soldier's mother took the post-card (she snatched it really, but +"took" is a kinder word, considering everything) and she looked at the +address a long time. Then she turned it over and read what was on the +back. Then she drew her breath in as far as it would go, and caught hold +of the door-post. Her face got awful. It was like the wax face of a dead +king I saw once at Madame Tussaud's. + +Alice understood. She caught hold of the soldier's mother's hand and +said: + +"Oh _no_--it's _not_ your boy Bill!" + +And the woman said nothing, but shoved the post-card into Alice's hand, +and we both read it--and it _was_ her boy Bill. + +Alice gave her back the card. She had held on to the woman's hand all +the time, and now she squeezed the hand, and held it against her face. +But she could not say a word because she was crying so. The soldier's +mother took the card again and she pushed Alice away, but it was not an +unkind push, and she went in and shut the door; and as Alice and Oswald +went down the road Oswald looked back, and one of the windows of the +cottage had a white blind. Afterwards the other windows had too. There +were no blinds really to the cottage. It was aprons and things she had +pinned up. + +Alice cried most the morning, and so did the other girls. We wanted to +do something for the soldier's mother, but you can do nothing when +people's sons are shot. It is the most dreadful thing to want to do +something for people who are unhappy, and not to know what to do. + +It was Noël who thought of what we _could_ do at last. + +He said, "I suppose they don't put up tombstones to soldiers when they +die in war. But there--I mean--" + +Oswald said, "Of course not." + +Noël said, "I dare say you'll think it's silly, but I don't care. Don't +you think she'd like it if we put one up to _him_? Not in the +church-yard, of course, because we shouldn't be let, but in our garden, +just where it joins on to the church-yard?" + +And we all thought it was a first-rate idea. + +This is what we meant to put on the tombstone: + + "Here lies + + BILL SIMPKINS + + Who died fighting for Queen + and Country. + + * * * * * + + "A faithful son, + A son so dear, + A soldier brave + Lies buried here." + +Then we remembered that poor, brave Bill was really buried far away in +the Southern hemisphere, if at all. + +So we altered it to-- + + "A soldier brave + We weep for here." + +Then we looked out a nice flagstone in the stable-yard, and we got a +cold-chisel out of the dentist's tool-box, and began. + +But stone-cutting is difficult and dangerous work. + +Oswald went at it a bit, but he chipped his thumb, and it bled so he had +to chuck it. Then Dicky tried, and then Denny, but Dicky hammered his +finger, and Denny took all day over every stroke, so that by tea-time we +had only done the H, and about half the E--and the E was awfully +crooked. Oswald chipped his thumb over the H. + +We looked at it the next morning, and even the most sanguinary of us saw +that it was a hopeless task. + +Then Denny said, "Why not wood and paint?" and he showed us how. We got +a board and two stumps from the carpenter's in the village, and we +painted it all white, and when that was dry Denny did the words on it. + +It was something like this: + + "IN MEMORY OF BILL SIMPKINS + DEAD FOR QUEEN & COUNTRY + HONOR TO HIS NAME AND ALL + OTHER BRAVE SOLDIERS." + +We could not get in what we meant to at first, so we had to give up the +poetry. + +We fixed it up when it was dry. We had to dig jolly deep to get the +posts to stand up, but the gardener helped us. + +Then the girls made wreaths of white flowers, roses and canterbury +bells, and lilies and pinks, and sweet pease and daisies, and put them +over the posts, like you see in the picture. And I think if Bill +Simpkins had known how sorry we were, he would have been glad. Oswald +only hopes if _he_ falls on the wild battle-field, which is his highest +ambition, that somebody will be as sorry about him as he was about Bill, +that's all! + +When all was done, and what flowers there were over from the wreaths +scattered under the tombstone between the posts, we wrote a letter to +Mrs. Simpkins, and said: + + "DEAR MRS. SIMPKINS,--We are very, very sorry about the + turnips and things, and we beg your pardon humbly. We have + put up a tombstone to your brave son." + +And we signed our names. + +Alice took the letter. + +The soldier's mother read it, and said something about our oughting to +know better than to make fun of people's troubles with our tombstones +and tomfoolery. + +Alice told me she could not help crying. + +She said: + +"It's _not_! it's NOT! Dear, _dear_ Mrs. Simpkins, do come with me and +see! You don't know how sorry we are about Bill. Do come and see. We +can go through the church-yard, and the others have all gone in, so as +to leave it quiet for you. Do come." + +And Mrs. Simpkins did. And when she read what we had put up, and Alice +told her the verse we had not had room for, she leaned against the wall +by the grave--I mean the tombstone--and Alice hugged her, and they both +cried bitterly. The poor soldier's mother was very, very pleased. And +she forgave us about the turnips, and we were friends after that, but +she always liked Alice the best. A great many people do, somehow. + +After that we used to put fresh flowers every day on Bill's tombstone, +and I do believe his mother _was_ pleased, though she got us to move it +away from the church-yard edge and put it in a corner of our garden +under a laburnum, where people could not see it from the church. But you +could from the road, though I think she thought you couldn't. She came +every day to look at the new wreaths. When the white flowers gave out we +put colored, and she liked it just as well. + +About a fortnight after the erecting of the tombstone the girls were +putting fresh wreaths on it when a soldier in a red coat came down the +road, and he stopped and looked at us. He walked with a stick, and he +had a bundle in a blue cotton handkerchief and one arm in a sling. + +And he looked again, and he came nearer, and he leaned on the wall, so +that he could read the black printing on the white paint. + +And he grinned all over his face, and he said: + +"Well, I _am_ blessed!" + +And he read it all out in a sort of half whisper, and when he came to +the end, where it says, "and all such brave soldiers," he said: + +"Well, I really _am_!" I suppose he meant he really was blessed. + +Oswald thought it was like the soldier's cheek, so he said: + +"I dare say you aren't so very blessed as you think. What's it to do +with you, anyway, eh, Tommy?" + +Of course Oswald knew from Kipling that an infantry soldier is called +that. The soldier said: + +"Tommy yourself, young man. That's _me_!" and he pointed to the +tombstone. + +We stood rooted to the spot. Alice spoke first. + +"Then you're Bill, and you're not dead," she said, "Oh, Bill, I am so +glad! Do let _me_ tell your mother." + +She started running, and so did we all. Bill had to go slowly because of +his leg, but I tell you he went as fast as ever he could. + +We all hammered at the soldier's mother's door, and shouted: + +"Come out! come out!" and when she opened the door we were going to +speak, but she pushed us away, and went tearing down the garden path +like winking. I never saw a grown-up woman run like it, because she saw +Bill coming. + +She met him at the gate, running right into him, and caught hold of him, +and she cried much more than when she thought he was dead. + +And we all shook his hand and said how glad we were. + +The soldier's mother kept hold of him with both hands, and I couldn't +help looking at her face. It was like wax that had been painted pink on +both cheeks, and the eyes shining like candles. And when we had all said +how glad we were, she said: + +"Thank the dear Lord for His mercies," and she took her boy Bill into +the cottage and shut the door. + +We went home and chopped up the tombstone with the wood-axe and had a +blazing big bonfire, and cheered till we could hardly speak. + +The post-card was a mistake; he was only missing. There was a pipe and a +whole pound of tobacco left over from our keepsake to the other +soldiers. We gave it to Bill. Father is going to have him for +under-gardener when his wounds get well. He'll always be a bit lame, so +he cannot fight any more. + +I am very glad _some_ soldiers' mothers get their boys home again. + +But if they have to die, it is a glorious death; and I hope mine will be +that. + +And three cheers for the Queen, and the mothers who let their boys go, +and the mothers' sons who fight and die for old England. Hip, hip, +hurrah! + + + + +THE TOWER OF MYSTERY + + +It was very rough on Dora having her foot bad, but we took it in turns +to stay in with her, and she was very decent about it. Daisy was most +with her. I do not dislike Daisy, but I wish she had been taught how to +play. Because Dora is rather like that naturally, and sometimes I have +thought that Daisy makes her worse. + +I talked to Albert's uncle about it one day when the others had gone to +church, and I did not go because of earache, and he said it came from +reading the wrong sort of books partly--she has read _Ministering +Children_, and _Anna Ross, or The Orphan of Waterloo_, and _Ready Work +for Willing Hands_, and _Elsie, or Like a Little Candle_, and even a +horrid little blue book about the something or other of Little Sins. +After this conversation Oswald took care she had plenty of the right +sort of books to read, and he was surprised and pleased when she got up +early one morning to finish _Monte Cristo_. Oswald felt that he was +really being useful to a suffering fellow-creature when he gave Daisy +books that were not all about being good. + +A few days after Dora was laid up Alice called a council of the +Wouldbegoods, and Oswald and Dicky attended with darkly clouded brows. +Alice had the minute-book, which was an exercise-book that had not much +written in it. She had begun at the other end. I hate doing that myself, +because there is so little room at the top compared with right way up. + +Dora and a sofa had been carried out on to the lawn, and we were on the +grass. It was very hot and dry. We had sherbet. Alice read: + +"'Society of the Wouldbegoods. + +"'We have not done much. Dicky mended a window, and we got the milk-pan +out of the moat that dropped through where he mended it. Dora, Oswald, +Dicky and me got upset in the moat. This was not goodness. Dora's foot +was hurt. We hope to do better next time.'" + +Then came Noël's poem: + + "'We are the Wouldbegoods Society, + We are not good yet, but we mean to try. + And if we try, and if we don't succeed, + It must mean we are very bad indeed.'" + +This sounded so much righter than Noël's poetry generally does, that +Oswald said so, and Noël explained that Denny had helped him. + +"He seems to know the right length for lines of poetry. I suppose it +comes of learning so much at school," Noël said. + +Then Oswald proposed that anybody should be allowed to write in the book +if they found out anything good that any one else had done, but not +things that were public acts; and nobody was to write about themselves, +or anything other people told them, only what they found out. + +After a brief jaw the others agreed, and Oswald felt, not for the first +time in his young life, that he would have made a good diplomatic hero +to carry despatches and outwit the other side. For now he had put it out +of the minute-book's power to be the kind of thing readers of +_Ministering Children_ would have wished. + +"And if any one tells other people any good thing he's done he is to go +to Coventry for the rest of the day." And Denny remarked, "We shall do +good by stealth and blush to find it shame." + +After that nothing was written in the book for some time. I looked +about, and so did the others, but I never caught any one in the act of +doing anything extra; though several of the others have told me since of +things they did at this time, and really wondered nobody had noticed. + +I think I said before, that when you tell a story you cannot tell +everything. It would be silly to do it. Because ordinary kinds of play +are dull to read about; and the only other thing is meals, and to dwell +on what you eat is greedy and not like a hero at all. A hero is always +contented with a venison pasty and a horn of sack. All the same, the +meals _were_ very interesting; with things you do not get at home--Lent +pies with custard and currants in them, sausage rolls, and flede cakes, +and raisin cakes and apple turnovers, and honeycomb and syllabubs, +besides as much new milk as you cared about, and cream now and then, and +cheese always on the table for tea. Father told Mrs. Pettigrew to get +what meals she liked, and she got these strange but attractive foods. + +In a story about Wouldbegoods it is not proper to tell of times when +only some of us were naughty, so I will pass lightly over the time when +Noël got up the kitchen chimney and brought three bricks and an old +starling's nest and about a ton of soot down with him when he fell. They +never use the big chimney in the summer, but cook in the wash-house. Nor +do I wish to dwell on what H. O. did when he went into the dairy. I do +not know what his motive was. But Mrs. Pettigrew said _she_ knew; and +she locked him in, and said if it was cream he wanted he should have +enough, and she wouldn't let him out till tea-time. The cat had also got +into the dairy for some reason of her own, and when H. O. was tired of +whatever he went in for he poured all the milk into the churn and tried +to teach the cat to swim in it. He must have been desperate. The cat did +not even try to learn, and H. O. had the scars on his hands for weeks. I +do not wish to tell tales of H. O., for he is very young, and whatever +he does he always catches it for; but I will just allude to our being +told not to eat the greengages in the garden. And we did not. And +whatever H. O. did was Noël's fault--for Noël told H. O. that greengages +would grow again all right if you did not bite as far as the stone, just +as wounds are not mortal except when you are pierced through the heart. +So the two of them bit bites out of every greengage they could reach. +And of course the pieces did not grow again. + +Oswald did not do things like these, but then he is older than his +brothers. The only thing he did just about then was making a booby-trap +for Mrs. Pettigrew when she had locked H. O. up in the dairy, and +unfortunately it was the day she was going out in her best things, and +part of the trap was a can of water. Oswald was not willingly vicious; +it was but a light and thoughtless act which he had every reason to be +sorry for afterwards. And he is sorry even without those reasons, +because he knows it is ungentlemanly to play tricks on women. + +I remember mother telling Dora and me when we were little that you ought +to be very kind and polite to servants, because they have to work very +hard, and do not have so many good times as we do. I used to think about +mother more at the Moat House than I did at Blackheath, especially in +the garden. She was very fond of flowers, and she used to tell us about +the big garden where she used to live; and, I remember, Dora and I +helped her to plant seeds. But it is no use wishing. She would have +liked that garden, though. + +The girls and the white mice did not do anything boldly wicked--though +of course they used to borrow Mrs. Pettigrew's needles, which made her +very nasty. Needles that are borrowed might just as well be stolen. But +I say no more. + +I have only told you these things to show the kind of events which +occurred on the days I don't tell you about. On the whole, we had an +excellent time. + +It was on the day we had the pillow-fight that we went for the long +walk. Not the Pilgrimage--that is another story. We did not mean to have +a pillow-fight. It is not usual to have them after breakfast, but Oswald +had come up to get his knife out of the pocket of his Etons, to cut some +wire we were making rabbit snares of. It is a very good knife, with a +file in it, as well as a corkscrew and other things--and he did not come +down at once, because he was detained by having to make an apple-pie bed +for Dicky. Dicky came up after him to see what we was up to, and when he +did see he buzzed a pillow at Oswald, and the fight began. The others, +hearing the noise of battle from afar, hastened to the field of action, +all except Dora, who couldn't, because of being laid up with her foot, +and Daisy, because she is a little afraid of us still, when we are all +together. She thinks we are rough. This comes of having only one +brother. + +Well, the fight was a very fine one. Alice backed me up, and Noël and H. +O. backed Dicky, and Denny heaved a pillow or two; but he cannot shy +straight, so I don't know which side he was on. + +And just as the battle raged most fiercely, Mrs. Pettigrew came in and +snatched the pillows away, and shook those of the warriors who were +small enough for it. _She_ was rough if you like. She also used +language I should have thought she would be above. She said, "Drat you!" +and "Drabbit you!" The last is a thing I have never heard said before. +She said: + +"There's no peace of your life with you children. Drat your antics! And +that poor, dear, patient gentleman right underneath, with his headache +and his handwriting: and you rampaging about over his head like young +bull-calves. I wonder you haven't more sense, a great girl like you." + +She said this to Alice, and Alice answered gently, as we are told to do: + +"I really am awfully sorry; we forgot about the headache. Don't be +cross, Mrs. Pettigrew; we didn't mean to; we didn't think." + +"You never do," she said, and her voice, though grumpy, was no longer +violent. "Why on earth you can't take yourselves off for the day I don't +know." + +We all said, "But may we?" + +She said, "Of course you may. Now put on your boots and go for a good +long walk. And I'll tell you what--I'll put you up a snack, and you can +have an egg to your tea to make up for missing your dinner. Now don't go +clattering about the stairs and passages, there's good children. See if +you can't be quiet this once, and give the good gentleman a chance with +his copying." + +She went off. Her bark is worse than her bite. She does not understand +anything about writing books, though. She thinks Albert's uncle copies +things out of printed books, when he is really writing new ones. I +wonder how she thinks printed books get made first of all. Many servants +are like this. + +She gave us the "snack" in a basket, and sixpence to buy milk with. She +said any of the farms would let us have it, only most likely it would be +skim. We thanked her politely, and she hurried us out of the front door +as if we'd been chickens on a pansy bed. + +(I did not know till after I had left the farm gate open, and the hens +had got into the garden, that these feathered bipeds display a great +partiality for the young buds of plants of the genus _viola_, to which +they are extremely destructive. I was told that by the gardener. I +looked it up in the gardening book afterwards to be sure he was right. +You do learn a lot of things in the country.) + +We went through the garden as far as the church, and then we rested a +bit in the porch, and just looked into the basket to see what the +"snack" was. It proved sausage rolls, and queen cakes, and a Lent pie in +a round tin dish, and some hard-boiled eggs, and some apples. We all ate +the apples at once, so as not to have to carry them about with us. The +church-yard smells awfully good. It is the wild thyme that grows on the +graves. This is another thing we did not know before we came into the +country. + +Then the door of the church tower was ajar, and we all went up; it had +always been locked before when we had tried it. + +We saw the ringer's loft where the ends of the bell-ropes hang down with +long, furry handles to them like great caterpillars, some red, and some +blue and white, but we did not pull them. And then we went up to where +the bells are, very big and dusty among large dirty beams; and four +windows with no glass, only shutters like Venetian blinds, but they +won't pull up. There were heaps of straws and sticks on the window +ledges. We think they were owls' nests, but we did not see any owls. + +Then the tower stairs got very narrow and dark, and we went on up, and +we came to a door and opened it suddenly, and it was like being hit in +the face, the light was so sudden. And there we were on the top of the +tower, which is flat, and people have cut their names on it, and a +turret at one corner, and a low wall all round, up and down, like castle +battlements. And we looked down and saw the roof of the church, and the +leads, and the church-yard, and our garden, and the Moat House, and the +farm, and Mrs. Simpkins's cottage, looking very small, and other farms +looking like toy things out of boxes, and we saw cornfields and meadows +and pastures. A pasture is not the same thing as a meadow, whatever you +may think. And we saw the tops of trees and hedges, looking like the map +of the United States, and villages, and a tower that did not look very +far away standing by itself on the top of a hill. + +Alice pointed to it, and said: + +"What's that?" + +"It's not a church," said Noël, "because there's no church-yard. Perhaps +it's a tower of mystery that covers the entrance to a subterranean vault +with treasure in it." + +Dicky said, "Subterranean fiddlestick!" and "A water-works, more +likely." + +Alice thought perhaps it was a ruined castle, and the rest of its +crumbling walls were concealed by ivy, the growth of years. + +Oswald could not make his mind up what it was, so he said: "Let's go and +see! We may as well go there as anywhere." + +So we got down out of the church tower and dusted ourselves, and set +out. + +The Tower of Mystery showed quite plainly from the road, now that we +knew where to look for it, because it was on the top of a hill. We began +to walk. But the tower did not seem to get any nearer. And it was very +hot. + +So we sat down in a meadow where there was a stream in the ditch and ate +the "snack." We drank the pure water from the brook out of our hands, +because there was no farm to get milk at just there, and it was too much +fag to look for one--and, besides, we thought we might as well save the +sixpence. + +Then we started again, and still the tower looked as far off as ever. +Denny began to drag his feet, though he had brought a walking-stick +which none of the rest of us had, and said: + +"I wish a cart would come along. We might get a lift." + +He knew all about getting lifts, of course, from having been in the +country before. He is not quite the white mouse we took him for at +first. Of course when you live in Lewisham or Blackheath you learn other +things. If you asked for a lift in Lewisham, High Street, your only +reply would be jeers. We sat down on a heap of stones, and decided that +we would ask for a lift from the next cart, whichever way it was going. +It was while we were waiting that Oswald found out about plantain seeds +being good to eat. + +When the sound of wheels came we remarked with joy that the cart was +going towards the Tower of Mystery. It was a cart a man was going to +fetch a pig home in. Denny said: + +"I say, you might give us a lift. Will you?" + +The man who was going for the pig said: + +"What, all that little lot?" but he winked at Alice, and we saw that he +meant to aid us on our way. So we climbed up, and he whipped up the +horse and asked us where we were going. He was a kindly old man, with a +face like a walnut shell, and white hair and beard like a +jack-in-the-box. + +"We want to get to the tower," Alice said. "Is it a ruin, or not?" + +"It ain't no ruin," the man said; "no fear of that! The man wot built it +he left so much a year to be spent on repairing of it! Money that might +have put bread in honest folks' mouths." + +We asked was it a church then, or not. + +"Church?" he said. "Not it. It's more of a tombstone, from all I can +make out. They do say there was a curse on him that built it, and he +wasn't to rest in earth or sea. So he's buried half-way up the tower--if +you can call it buried." + +"Can you go up it?" Oswald asked. + +"Lord love you! yes; a fine view from the top, they say. I've never been +up myself, though I've lived in sight of it, boy and man, these +sixty-three years come harvest." + +Alice asked whether you had to go past the dead and buried person to get +to the top of the tower, and could you see the coffin. + +"No, no," the man said; "that's all hid away behind a slab of stone, +that is, with reading on it. You've no call to be afraid, missy. It's +daylight all the way up. But I wouldn't go there after dark, so I +wouldn't. It's always open, day and night, and they say tramps sleep +there now and again. Any one who likes can sleep there, but it wouldn't +be me." + +We thought that it would not be us either, but we wanted to go more than +ever, especially when the man said: + +"My own great-uncle of the mother's side, he was one of the masons that +set up the stone slab. Before then it was thick glass, and you could see +the dead man lying inside, as he'd left it in his will. He was lying +there in a glass coffin with his best clothes--blue satin and silver, my +uncle said, such as was all the go in his day, with his wig on, and his +sword beside him, what he used to wear. My uncle said his hair had grown +out from under his wig, and his beard was down to the toes of him. My +uncle he always upheld that that dead man was no deader than you and me, +but was in a sort of fit, a transit, I think they call it, and looked +for him to waken into life again some day. But the doctor said not. It +was only something done to him like Pharaoh in the Bible afore he was +buried." + +Alice whispered to Oswald that we should be late for tea, and wouldn't +it be better to go back now directly. But he said: + +"If you're afraid, say so; and you needn't come in anyway--but I'm going +on." + +The man who was going for the pig put us down at a gate quite near the +tower--at least it looked so until we began to walk again. We thanked +him, and he said: + +"Quite welcome," and drove off. + +We were rather quiet going through the wood. What we had heard made us +very anxious to see the tower--all except Alice, who would keep talking +about tea, though not a greedy girl by nature. None of the others +encouraged her, but Oswald thought himself that we had better be home +before dark. + +As we went up the path through the wood we saw a poor wayfarer with +dusty bare feet sitting on the bank. + +He stopped us and said he was a sailor, and asked for a trifle to help +him to get back to his ship. + +I did not like the look of him much myself, but Alice said, "Oh, the +poor man, do let's help him, Oswald." So we held a hurried council, and +decided to give him the milk sixpence. Oswald had it in his purse, and +he had to empty the purse into his hand to find the sixpence, for that +was not all the money he had, by any means. Noël said afterwards that he +saw the wayfarer's eyes fastened greedily upon the shining pieces as +Oswald returned them to his purse. Oswald has to own that he purposely +let the man see that he had more money, so that the man might not feel +shy about accepting so large a sum as sixpence. + +The man blessed our kind hearts and we went on. + +The sun was shining very brightly, and the Tower of Mystery did not look +at all like a tomb when we got to it. The bottom story was on arches, +all open, and ferns and things grew underneath. There was a round stone +stair going up in the middle. Alice began to gather ferns while we went +up, but when we had called out to her that it was as the pig-man had +said, and daylight all the way up, she said: + +"All right. I'm not afraid. I'm only afraid of being late home," and +came up after us. And perhaps, though not downright manly truthfulness, +this was as much as you could expect from a girl. + +There were holes in the little tower of the staircase to let light in. +At the top of it was a thick door with iron bolts. We shot these back, +and it was not fear but caution that made Oswald push open the door so +very slowly and carefully. + +Because, of course, a stray dog or cat might have got shut up there by +accident, and it would have startled Alice very much if it had jumped +out on us. + +When the door was opened we saw that there was no such thing. It was a +room with eight sides. Denny says it is the shape called octagenarian; +because a man named Octagius invented it. There were eight large arched +windows with no glass, only stone-work, like in churches. The room was +full of sunshine, and you could see the blue sky through the windows, +but nothing else, because they were so high up. It was so bright we +began to think the pig-man had been kidding us. Under one of the windows +was a door. We went through, and there was a little passage and then a +turret-twisting stair, like in the church, but quite light with windows. +When we had gone some way up this, we came to a sort of landing, and +there was a block of stone let into the wall--polished--Denny said it +was Aberdeen graphite, with gold letters cut in it. It said: + + "Here lies the body of Mr. Richard Ravenal. + Born 1720. Died 1779." + +and a verse of poetry: + + "Here lie I, between earth and sky, + Think upon me, dear passers-by, + And you who do my tombstone see + Be kind to say a prayer for me." + +"How horrid!" Alice said. "Do let's get home." + +"We may as well go to the top," Dicky said, "just to say we've been." + +And Alice is no funk--so she agreed; though I could see she did not like +it. + +Up at the top it was like the top of the church tower, only octagenarian +in shape, instead of square. + +Alice got all right there; because you cannot think much about ghosts +and nonsense when the sun is shining bang down on you at four o'clock in +the afternoon, and you can see red farm-roofs between the trees, and the +safe white roads, with people in carts like black ants crawling. + +It was very jolly, but we felt we ought to be getting back, because tea +is at five, and we could not hope to find lifts both ways. + +So we started to go down. Dicky went first, then Oswald, then Alice--and +H. O. had just stumbled over the top step and saved himself by Alice's +back, which nearly upset Oswald and Dicky, when the hearts of all stood +still, and then went on by leaps and bounds, like the good work in +missionary magazines. + +For, down below us, in the tower where the man whose beard grew down to +his toes after he was dead was buried, there was a noise--a loud noise. +And it was like a door being banged and bolts fastened. We tumbled over +each other to get back into the open sunshine on the top of the tower, +and Alice's hand got jammed between the edge of the doorway and H. O.'s +boot; it was bruised black and blue, and another part bled, but she did +not notice it till long after. + +We looked at each other, and Oswald said in a firm voice (at least, I +hope it was): + +"What was that?" + +"He _has_ waked up," Alice said. "Oh, I know he has. Of course there is +a door for him to get out by when he wakes. He'll come up here. I know +he will." + +Dicky said, and his voice was not at all firm (I noticed that at the +time), "It doesn't matter, if he's _alive_." + +"Unless he's come to life a raving lunatic," Noël said, and we all stood +with our eyes on the doorway of the turret--and held our breath to hear. + +But there was no more noise. + +Then Oswald said--and nobody ever put it in the Golden Deed book, though +they own that it was brave and noble of him--he said: + +"Perhaps it was only the wind blowing one of the doors to. I'll go down +and see, if you will, Dick." + +Dicky only said: + +"The wind doesn't shoot bolts." + +"A bolt from the blue," said Denny to himself, looking up at the sky. +His father is a sub-editor. He had gone very red, and he was holding on +to Alice's hand. Suddenly he stood up quite straight and said: + +"I'm not afraid. I'll go and see." + +_This_ was afterwards put in the Golden Deed book. It ended in Oswald +and Dicky and Denny going. Denny went first because he said he would +rather--and Oswald understood this and let him. If Oswald had pushed +first it would have been like Sir Launcelot refusing to let a young +knight win his spurs. Oswald took good care to go second himself, +though. The others never understood this. You don't expect it from +girls; but I did think father would have understood without Oswald +telling him, which of course he never could. + +We all went slowly. + +At the bottom of the turret stairs we stopped short. Because the door +there was bolted fast and would not yield to shoves, however desperate +and united. + +Only now somehow we felt that Mr. Richard Ravenal was all right and +quiet, but that some one had done it for a lark, or perhaps not known +about any one being up there. So we rushed up, and Oswald told the +others in a few hasty but well-chosen words, and we all leaned over +between the battlements, and shouted, "Hi! you there!" + +Then from under the arches of the quite-down-stairs part of the tower a +figure came forth--and it was the sailor who had had our milk sixpence. +He looked up and he spoke to us. He did not speak loud, but he spoke +loud enough for us to hear every word quite plainly. He said: + +"Drop that." + +Oswald said, "Drop what?" + +He said, "That row." + +Oswald said, "Why?" + +He said, "Because if you don't I'll come up and make you, and pretty +quick too, so I tell you." + +Dicky said, "Did you bolt the door?" + +The man said, "I did so, my young cock." + +Alice said--and Oswald wished to goodness she had held her tongue, +because he saw right enough the man was not friendly--"Oh, do come and +let us out--do, please." + +While she was saying it Oswald suddenly saw that he did not want the man +to come up. So he scurried down the stairs because he thought he had +seen something on the door on the top side, and sure enough there were +two bolts, and he shot them into their sockets. This bold act was not +put in the Golden Deed book, because when Alice wanted to, the others +said it was not _good_ of Oswald to think of this, but only _clever_. I +think sometimes, in moments of danger and disaster, it is as good to be +clever as it is to be good. But Oswald would never demean himself to +argue about this. + +When he got back the man was still standing staring up. Alice said: + +"Oh, Oswald, he says he won't let us out unless we give him all our +money. And we might be here for days and days and all night as well. No +one knows where we are to come and look for us. Oh, do let's give it him +_all_." + +She thought the lion of the English nation, which does not know when it +is beaten, would be ramping in her brother's breast. But Oswald kept +calm. He said: + +"All right," and he made the others turn out their pockets. Denny had a +bad shilling, with a head on both sides, and three halfpence. H. O. had +a halfpenny. Noël had a French penny, which is only good for chocolate +machines at railway stations. Dicky had tenpence halfpenny, and Oswald +had a two-shilling piece of his own that he was saving up to buy a gun +with. Oswald tied the whole lot up in his handkerchief, and looking over +the battlements, he said: + +"You are an ungrateful beast. We gave you sixpence freely of our own +will." + +The man did look a little bit ashamed, but he mumbled something about +having his living to get. + +Then Oswald said: + +"Here you are. Catch!" and he flung down the handkerchief with the money +in it. + +The man muffed the catch--butter-fingered idiot!--but he picked up the +handkerchief and undid it, and when he saw what was in it he swore +dreadfully. The cad! + +"Look here," he called out, "this won't do, young shaver. I want those +there shiners I see in your pus! Chuck 'em along!" + +Then Oswald laughed. He said: + +"I shall know you again anywhere, and you'll be put in prison for this. +Here are the _shiners_." And he was so angry he chucked down purse and +all. The shiners were not real ones, but only card-counters that looked +like sovereigns on one side. Oswald used to carry them in his purse so +as to look affluent. He does not do this now. + +When the man had seen what was in the purse he disappeared under the +tower, and Oswald was glad of what he had done about the bolts--and he +hoped they were as strong as the ones on the other side of the door. + +They were. + +We heard the man kicking and pounding at the door, and I am not ashamed +to say that we were all holding on to each other very tight. I am proud, +however, to relate that nobody screamed or cried. + +After what appeared to be long years, the banging stopped, and presently +we saw the brute going away among the trees. + +Then Alice did cry, and I do not blame her. + +Then Oswald said: + +"It's no use. Even if he's undone the door, he may be in ambush. We must +hold on here till somebody comes." + +Then Alice said, speaking chokily because she had not quite done crying: + +"Let's wave a flag." + +By the most fortunate accident she had on one of her Sunday petticoats, +though it was Monday. This petticoat is white. She tore it out at the +gathers, and we tied it to Denny's stick, and took turns to wave it. We +had laughed at his carrying a stick before, but we were very sorry now +that we had done so. + +And the tin dish the Lent pie was baked in we polished with our +handkerchiefs, and moved it about in the sun so that the sun might +strike on it and signal our distress to some of the outlying farms. + +This was perhaps the most dreadful adventure that had then ever happened +to us. Even Alice had now stopped thinking of Mr. Richard Ravenal, and +thought only of the lurker in ambush. + +We all felt our desperate situation keenly. I must say Denny behaved +like anything but a white mouse. When it was the others' turn to wave, +he sat on the leads of the tower and held Alice's and Noël's hands, and +said poetry to them--yards and yards of it. By some strange fatality it +seemed to comfort them. It wouldn't have me. + +He said "The Battle of the Baltic," and "Gray's Elegy," right through, +though I think he got wrong in places, and the "Revenge," and Macaulay's +thing about Lars Porsena and the Nine Gods. And when it was his turn he +waved like a man. + +I will try not to call him a white mouse any more. He was a brick that +day, and no mouse. + +The sun was low in the heavens, and we were sick of waving and very +hungry, when we saw a cart in the road below. We waved like mad, and +shouted, and Denny screamed exactly like a railway whistle, a thing none +of us had known before that he could do. + +[Illustration: "DENNY HELD ALICE'S AND NOËL'S HANDS"] + +And the cart stopped. And presently we saw a figure with a white beard +among the trees. It was our pig-man. + +We bellowed the awful truth to him, and when he had taken it in--he +thought at first we were kidding--he came up and let us out. + +He had got the pig; luckily it was a very small one--and we were not +particular. Denny and Alice sat on the front of the cart with the +pig-man, and the rest of us got in with the pig, and the man drove us +right home. You may think we talked it over on the way. Not us. We went +to sleep, among the pig, and before long the pig-man stopped and got us +to make room for Alice and Denny. There was a net over the cart. I never +was so sleepy in my life, though it was not more than bedtime. + +Generally, after anything exciting, you are punished--but this could not +be, because we had only gone for a walk, exactly as we were told. + +There was a new rule made, though. No walks, except on the high-roads, +and we were always to take Pincher, and either Lady, the deer-hound, or +Martha, the bull-dog. We generally hate rules, but we did not mind this +one. + +Father gave Denny a gold pencil-case because he was first to go down +into the tower. Oswald does not grudge Denny this, though some might +think he deserved at least a silver one. + +But Oswald is above such paltry jealousies. + + + + +THE WATER-WORKS + + +This is the story of one of the most far-reaching and influentially +naughty things we ever did in our lives. We did not mean to do such a +deed. And yet we did do it. These things will happen with the +best-regulated consciences. + +The story of this rash and fatal act is intimately involved--which means +all mixed up anyhow--with a private affair of Oswald's, and the one +cannot be revealed without the other. Oswald does not particularly want +his story to be remembered, but he wishes to tell the truth, and perhaps +it is what father calls a wholesome discipline to lay bare the awful +facts. + +It was like this. + +On Alice's and Noël's birthday we went on the river for a picnic. Before +that we had not known that there was a river so near us. Afterwards +father said he wished we had been allowed to remain in our pristine +ignorance, whatever that is. And perhaps the dark hour did dawn when we +wished so too. But a truce to vain regrets. + +It was rather a fine thing in birthdays. The uncle sent a box of toys +and sweets, things that were like a vision from another and a brighter +world. Besides that Alice had a knife, a pair of shut-up scissors, a +silk handkerchief, a book--it was _The Golden Age_ and is A1 except +where it gets mixed with grown-up nonsense. Also a work-case lined with +pink plush, a boot-bag, which no one in their senses would use because +it had flowers in wool all over it. And she had a box of chocolates and +a musical box that played "The Man Who Broke" and two other +tunes, and two pairs of kid gloves for church, and a box of +writing-paper--pink--with "Alice" on it in gold writing, and an egg +colored red that said "A. Bastable" in ink on one side. These gifts were +the offerings of Oswald, Dora, Dicky, Albert's uncle, Daisy, Mr. Foulkes +(our own robber), Noël, H. O., father, and Denny. Mrs. Pettigrew gave +the egg. It was a kindly housekeeper's friendly token. + +I shall not tell you about the picnic on the river, because the happiest +times form but dull reading when they are written down. I will merely +state that it was prime. Though happy, the day was uneventful. The only +thing exciting enough to write about was in one of the locks, where +there was a snake--a viper. It was asleep in a warm corner of the lock +gate, and when the gate was shut it fell off into the water. + +Alice and Dora screamed hideously. So did Daisy, but her screams were +thinner. + +The snake swam round and round all the time our boat was in the lock. It +swam with four inches of itself--the head end--reared up out of the +water, exactly like Kaa in the Jungle book--so we know Kipling is a +true author and no rotter. We were careful to keep our hands well inside +the boat. A snake's eyes strike terror into the boldest breast. + +When the lock was full father killed the viper with a boat-hook. I was +sorry for it myself. It was indeed a venomous serpent. But it was the +first we had ever seen, except at the Zoo. And it did swim most awfully +well. + +Directly the snake had been killed H. O. reached out for its corpse, and +the next moment the body of our little brother was seen wriggling +conclusively on the boat's edge. This exciting spectacle was not of a +lasting nature. He went right in. Father clawed him out. He is very +unlucky with water. + +Being a birthday, but little was said. H. O. was wrapped in everybody's +coats, and did not take any cold at all. + +This glorious birthday ended with an iced cake and ginger wine, and +drinking healths. Then we played whatever we liked. There had been +rounders during the afternoon. It was a day to be forever marked by +memory's brightest what's-its-name. + +I should not have said anything about the picnic but for one thing. It +was the thin edge of the wedge. It was the all-powerful lever that moved +but too many events. You see, _we were now no longer strangers to the +river_. + +And we went there whenever we could. Only we had to take the dogs, and +to promise no bathing without grown-ups. But paddling in back waters +was allowed. I say no more. + +I have not enumerated Noël's birthday presents because I wish to leave +something to the imagination of my young readers. (The best authors +always do this.) If you will take the large, red catalogue of the Army +and Navy Stores, and just make a list of about fifteen of the things you +would like best--prices from 2_s._ to 25_s._--you will get a very good +idea of Noël's presents, and it will help you to make up your mind in +case you are asked just before your next birthday what you really +_need_. + +One of Noël's birthday presents was a cricket-ball. He cannot bowl for +nuts, and it was a first-rate ball. So some days after the birthday +Oswald offered him to exchange it for a cocoanut he had won at the fair, +and two pencils (new), and a brand-new note-book. Oswald thought, and he +still thinks, that this was a fair exchange, and so did Noël at the +time, and he agreed to it, and was quite pleased till the girls said it +wasn't fair, and Oswald had the best of it. And then that young beggar +Noël wanted the ball back, but Oswald, though not angry, was firm. + +"You said it was a bargain, and you shook hands on it," he said, and he +said it quite kindly and calmly. + +Noël said he didn't care. He wanted his cricket-ball back. + +And the girls said it was a horrid shame. + +If they had not said that, Oswald might yet have consented to let Noël +have the beastly ball, but now, of course, he was not going to. He said: + +"Oh yes, I dare say. And then you would be wanting the cocoanut and +things again the next minute." + +"No, I shouldn't," Noël said. It turned out afterwards he and H. O. had +eaten the cocoanut, which only made it worse. And it made them worse, +too--which is what the book calls poetic justice. + +Dora said, "I don't think it was fair," and even Alice said: + +"Do let him have it back, Oswald." I wish to be just to Alice. She did +not know then about the cocoanut having been secretly wolfed up. + +We were in the garden. Oswald felt all the feelings of the hero when the +opposing forces gathered about him are opposing as hard as ever they +can. He knew he was not unfair, and he did not like to be jawed at just +because Noël had eaten the cocoanut and wanted the ball back. Though +Oswald did not know then about the eating of the cocoanut, but he felt +the injustice in his soul all the same. + +Noël said afterwards he meant to offer Oswald something else to make up +for the cocoanut, but he said nothing about this at the time. + +"Give it me, I say," Noël said. + +And Oswald said, "Sha'n't!" + +Then Noël called Oswald names, and Oswald did not answer back but just +kept smiling pleasantly, and carelessly throwing up the ball and +catching it again with an air of studied indifference. + +It was Martha's fault that what happened happened. She is the bull-dog, +and very stout and heavy. She had just been let loose and she came +bounding along in her clumsy way, and jumped up on Oswald, who is +beloved by all dumb animals. (You know how sagacious they are.) Well, +Martha knocked the ball out of Oswald's hands, and it fell on the grass, +and Noël pounced on it like a hooded falcon on its prey. Oswald would +scorn to deny that he was not going to stand this, and the next moment +the two were rolling over on the grass, and very soon Noël was made to +bite the dust. And serve him right. He is old enough to know his own +mind. + +Then Oswald walked slowly away with the ball, and the others picked Noël +up, and consoled the beaten, but Dicky would not take either side. + +And Oswald went up into his own room and lay on his bed, and reflected +gloomy reflections about unfairness. + +Presently he thought he would like to see what the others were doing +without their knowing he cared. So he went into the linen-room and +looked out of its window, and he saw they were playing Kings and +Queens--and Noël had the biggest paper crown and the longest stick +sceptre. + +Oswald turned away without a word, for it really was sickening. + +Then suddenly his weary eyes fell upon something they had not before +beheld. It was a square trap-door in the ceiling of the linen-room. + +Oswald never hesitated. He crammed the cricket-ball into his pocket and +climbed up the shelves and unbolted the trap-door, and shoved it up, and +pulled himself up through it. Though above all was dark and smelled of +spiders, Oswald fearlessly shut the trap-door down again before he +struck a match. He always carries matches. He is a boy fertile in every +subtle expedient. Then he saw he was in the wonderful, mysterious place +between the ceiling and the roof of the house. The roof is beams and +tiles. Slits of light show through the tiles here and there. The +ceiling, on its other and top side, is made of rough plaster and beams. +If you walk on the beams it is all right--if you walk on the plaster you +go through with your feet. Oswald found this out later, but some fine +instinct now taught the young explorer where he ought to tread and where +not. It was splendid. He was still very angry with the others, and he +was glad he had found out a secret they jolly well didn't know. + +He walked along a dark, narrow passage. Every now and then cross-beams +barred his way, and he had to creep under them. At last a small door +loomed before him with cracks of light under and over. He drew back the +rusty bolts and opened it. It opened straight on to the leads, a flat +place between two steep red roofs, with a parapet two feet high back and +front, so that no one could see you. It was a place no one could have +invented better than, if they had tried, for hiding in. + +Oswald spent the whole afternoon there. He happened to have a volume of +_Percy's Anecdotes_ in his pocket, the one about lawyers, as well as a +few apples. While he read he fingered the cricket-ball, and presently it +rolled away, and he thought he would get it by-and-by. + +When the tea-bell rang he forgot the ball and went hurriedly down, for +apples do not keep the inside from the pangs of hunger. + +Noël met him on the landing, got red in the face, and said: + +"It wasn't _quite_ fair about the ball, because H. O. and I had eaten +the cocoanut. _You_ can have it." + +"I don't want your beastly ball," Oswald said, "only I hate unfairness. +However, I don't know where it is just now. When I find it you shall +have it to bowl with as often as you want." + +"Then you're not waxy?" + +And Oswald said "No," and they went in to tea together. So that was all +right. There were raisin cakes for tea. + +Next day we happened to want to go down to the river quite early. I +don't know why; this is called Fate, or Destiny. We dropped in at the +"Rose and Crown" for some ginger-beer on our way. The landlady is a +friend of ours and lets us drink it in her back parlor, instead of in +the bar, which would be improper for girls. + +We found her awfully busy, making pies and jellies, and her two sisters +were hurrying about with great hams and pairs of chickens and rounds of +cold beef and lettuces and pickled salmon and trays of crockery and +glasses. + +"It's for the angling competition," she said. + +We said, "What's that?" + +"Why," she said, slicing cucumber like beautiful machinery while she +said it, "a lot of anglers come down some particular day and fish one +particular bit of the river. And the one that catches most fish gets the +prize. They're fishing the pen above Stoneham Lock. And they all come +here to dinner. So I've got my hands full and a trifle over." + +We said, "Couldn't we help?" + +But she said, "Oh no, thank you. Indeed not, please. I really am so I +don't know which way to turn. Do run along, like dears." + +So we ran along like these timid but graceful animals. + +Need I tell the intellectual reader that we went straight off to the pen +above Stoneham Lock to see the anglers competing? Angling is the same +thing as fishing. + +I am not going to try and explain locks to you. If you've never seen a +lock you could never understand even if I wrote it in words of one +syllable and pages and pages long. And if you have, you'll understand +without my telling you. It is harder than Euclid if you don't know +beforehand. But you might get a grown-up person to explain it to you +with books or wooden bricks. + +I will tell you what a pen is because that is easy. It is the bit of +river between one lock and the next. In some rivers "pens" are called +"reaches," but pen is the proper word. + +We went along the towing-path; it is shady with willows, aspens, alders, +elders, oaks and other trees. On the banks are flowers--yarrow, +meadow-sweet, willow herb, loose-strife, and lady's bed-straw. Oswald +learned the names of all these trees and plants on the day of the +picnic. The others didn't remember them, but Oswald did. He is a boy of +what they call relenting memory. + +The anglers were sitting here and there on the shady bank among the +grass and the different flowers I have named. Some had dogs with them, +and some umbrellas, and some had only their wives and families. + +We should have liked to talk to them and ask how they liked their lot, +and what kinds of fish there were, and whether they were nice to eat, +but we did not like to. + +Denny had seen anglers before and he knew they liked to be talked to, +but though he spoke to them quite like to equals he did not ask the +things we wanted to know. He just asked whether they'd had any luck, and +what bait they used. + +And they answered him back politely. I am glad I am not an angler. It is +an immovable amusement, and, as often as not, no fish to speak of after +all. + +Daisy and Dora had stayed at home: Dora's foot was nearly well, but +they seem really to like sitting still. I think Dora likes to have a +little girl to order about. Alice never would stand it. When we got to +Stoneham Lock, Denny said he should go home and fetch his fishing-rod. +H. O. went with him. This left four of us--Oswald, Alice, Dicky, and +Noël. We went on down the towing-path. + +The lock shuts up (that sounds as if it was like the lock on a door, but +it is very otherwise) between one pen of the river and the next; the pen +where the anglers were was full right up over the roots of the grass and +flowers. + +But the pen below was nearly empty. + +"You can see the poor river's bones," Noël said. + +And so you could. + +Stones and mud and dried branches, and here and there an old kettle or a +tin pail with no bottom to it, that some bargee had chucked in. + +From walking so much along the river we knew many of the bargees. +Bargees are the captains and crews of the big barges that are pulled up +and down the river by slow horses. The horses do not swim. They walk on +the towing-path, with a rope tied to them, and the other end to the +barge. So it gets pulled along. The bargees we knew were a good friendly +sort, and used to let us go all over the barges when they were in a good +temper. They were not at all the sort of bullying, cowardly fiends in +human form that the young hero at Oxford fights a crowd of, +single-handed, in books. + +The river does not smell nice when its bones are showing. But we went +along down, because Oswald wanted to get some cobbler's wax in Falding +village for a bird-net he was making. + +But just above Falding Lock, where the river is narrow and straight, we +saw a sad and gloomy sight--a big barge sitting flat on the mud because +there was not water enough to float her. + +There was no one on board, but we knew by a red flannel waistcoat that +was spread out to dry on top that the barge belonged to friends of ours. + +Then Alice said, "They have gone to find the man who turns on the water +to fill the pen. I dare say they won't find him. He's gone to his +dinner, I shouldn't wonder. What a lovely surprise it would be if they +came back to find their barge floating high and dry on a lot of water! +_Do_ let's do it. It's a long time since any of us did a kind action +deserving of being put in the Book of Golden Deeds." + +We had given that name to the minute-book of that beastly "Society of +the Wouldbegoods." Then you could think of the book if you wanted to +without remembering the Society. I always tried to forget both of them. + +Oswald said, "But how? _You_ don't know how. And if you did we haven't +got a crow-bar." + +I cannot help telling you that locks are opened with crow-bars. You push +and push till a thing goes up and the water runs through. It is rather +like the little sliding-door in the big door of a hen-house. + +"I know where the crow-bar is," Alice said. "Dicky and I were down here +yesterday when you were su--" She was going to say sulking, I know, but +she remembered manners ere too late, so Oswald bears her no malice. She +went on: "Yesterday, when you were up-stairs. And we saw the +water-tender open the lock and the weir sluices. It's quite easy, isn't +it, Dicky?" + +"As easy as kiss your hand," said Dicky; "and what's more, I know where +he keeps the other thing he opens the sluices with. I votes we do." + +"Do let's, if we can," Noël said, "and the bargees will bless the names +of their unknown benefactors. They might make a song about us, and sing +it on winter nights as they pass round the wassail bowl in front of the +cabin fire." + +Noël wanted to very much; but I don't think it was altogether for +generousness, but because he wanted to see how the sluices opened. Yet +perhaps I do but wrong the boy. + +We sat and looked at the barge a bit longer, and then Oswald said, well, +he didn't mind going back to the lock and having a look at the +crow-bars. You see Oswald did not propose this; he did not even care +very much about it when Alice suggested it. + +But when we got to Stoneham Lock, and Dicky dragged the two heavy +crow-bars from among the elder bushes behind a fallen tree, and began to +pound away at the sluice of the lock, Oswald felt it would not be manly +to stand idly apart. So he took his turn. + +[Illustration: "DICKY DRAGGED THE TWO HEAVY BARS"] + +It was very hard work, but we opened the lock sluices, and we did not +drop the crow-bar into the lock either, as I have heard of being done by +older and sillier people. + +The water poured through the sluices all green and solid, as if it had +been cut with a knife, and where it fell on the water underneath the +white foam spread like a moving counterpane. When we had finished the +lock we did the weir--which is wheels and chains--and the water pours +through over the stones in a magnificent water-fall and sweeps out all +round the weir-pool. + +The sight of the foaming water-falls was quite enough reward for our +heavy labors, even without the thought of the unspeakable gratitude that +the bargees would feel to us when they got back to their barge and found +her no longer a stick-in-the-mud, but bounding on the free bosom of the +river. + +When we had opened all the sluices we gazed awhile on the beauties of +nature, and then went home, because we thought it would be more truly +noble and good not to wait to be thanked for our kind and devoted +action--and besides, it was nearly dinner-time, and Oswald thought it +was going to rain. + +On the way home we agreed not to tell the others, because it would be +like boasting of our good acts. + +"They will know all about it," Noël said, "when they hear us being +blessed by the grateful bargees, and the tale of the Unknown Helpers is +being told by every village fireside. And then they can write it in the +Golden Deed book." + +So we went home. Denny and H. O. had thought better of it, and they were +fishing in the moat. They did not catch anything. + +Oswald is very weather-wise--at least, so I have heard it said, and he +had thought there would be rain. There was. It came on while we were at +dinner--a great, strong, thundering rain, coming down in sheets--the +first rain we had had since we came to the Moat House. + +We went to bed as usual. No presentiment of the coming awfulness clouded +our young mirth. I remember Dicky and Oswald had a wrestling match, and +Oswald won. + +In the middle of the night Oswald was awakened by a hand on his face. It +was a wet hand and very cold. Oswald hit out, of course, but a voice +said, in a hoarse, hollow whisper: + +"Don't be a young ass! Have you got any matches? My bed's full of water; +it's pouring down from the ceiling." + +Oswald's first thought was that perhaps by opening those sluices we had +flooded some secret passage which communicated with the top of Moat +House, but when he was properly awake he saw that this could not be, on +account of the river being so low. + +He had matches. He is, as I said before, a boy full of resources. He +struck one and lit a candle, and Dicky, for it was indeed he, gazed with +Oswald at the amazing spectacle. + +Our bedroom floor was all wet in patches. Dicky's bed stood in a pond, +and from the ceiling water was dripping in rich profusion at a dozen +different places. There was a great wet patch in the ceiling, and that +was blue, instead of white like the dry part, and the water dripped from +different parts of it. + +In a moment Oswald was quite unmanned. + +"Krikey!" he said, in a heart-broken tone, and remained an instant +plunged in thought. + +"What on earth are we to do?" Dicky said. + +And really for a short time even Oswald did not know. It was a +blood-curdling event, a regular facer. Albert's uncle had gone to London +that day to stay till the next. Yet something must be done. + +The first thing was to rouse the unconscious others from their deep +sleep, because the water was beginning to drip on to their beds, and +though as yet they knew it not, there was quite a pool on Noël's bed, +just in the hollow behind where his knees were doubled up, and one of H. +O.'s boots was full of water, that surged wildly out when Oswald +happened to kick it over. + +We woke them--a difficult task, but we did not shrink from it. + +Then we said, "Get up, there is a flood! Wake up, or you will be drowned +in your beds! And it's half-past two by Oswald's watch." + +They awoke slowly and very stupidly. H. O. was the slowest and +stupidest. + +The water poured faster and faster from the ceiling. + +We looked at each other and turned pale, and Noël said: + +"Hadn't we better call Mrs. Pettigrew?" + +But Oswald simply couldn't consent to this. He could not get rid of the +feeling that this was our fault somehow for meddling with the river, +though of course the clear star of reason told him it could not possibly +be the case. + +We all devoted ourselves, heart and soul, to the work before us. We put +the bath under the worst and wettest place, and the jugs and basins +under lesser streams, and we moved the beds away to the dry end of the +room. Ours is a long attic that runs right across the house. + +But the water kept coming in worse and worse. Our night-shirts were wet +through, so we got into our other shirts and knickerbockers, but +preserved bareness in our feet. And the floor kept on being half an inch +deep in water, however much we mopped it up. + +We emptied the basins out of the window as fast as they filled, and we +baled the bath with a jug without pausing to complain how hard the work +was. All the same, it was more exciting than you can think. But in +Oswald's dauntless breast he began to see that they would _have_ to call +Mrs. Pettigrew. + +A new water-fall broke out between the fire-grate and the mantel-piece, +and spread in devastating floods. Oswald is full of ingenious devices. I +think I have said this before, but it is quite true; and perhaps even +truer this time than it was last time I said it. + +He got a board out of the box-room next door, and rested one end in the +chink between the fire-place and the mantel-piece, and laid the other +end on the back of a chair, then we stuffed the rest of the chink with +our nightgowns, and laid a towel along the plank, and behold, a noble +stream poured over the end of the board right into the bath we put there +ready. It was like Niagara, only not so round in shape. The first lot of +water that came down the chimney was very dirty. The wind whistled +outside. Noël said, "If it's pipes burst, and not the rain, it will be +nice for the water-rates." Perhaps it was only natural after this for +Denny to begin with his everlasting poetry. He stopped mopping up the +water to say: + + "By this the storm grew loud apace, + The water-rates were shrieking, + And in the howl of Heaven each face + Grew black as they were speaking." + +Our faces were black, and our hands too, but we did not take any notice; +we only told him not to gas but to go on mopping. And he did. And we all +did. + +But more and more water came pouring down. You would not believe so much +could come off one roof. + +When at last it was agreed that Mrs. Pettigrew must be awakened at all +hazards, we went and woke Alice to do the fatal errand. + +When she came back, with Mrs. Pettigrew in a night-cap and a red flannel +petticoat, we held our breath. + +But Mrs. Pettigrew did not even say, "What on earth have you children +been up to _now_?" as Oswald had feared. + +She simply sat down on my bed and said: + +"Oh, dear! oh, dear! oh, dear!" ever so many times. + +Then Denny said, "I once saw holes in a cottage roof. The man told me it +was done when the water came through the thatch. He said if the water +lies all about on the top of the ceiling it breaks it down, but if you +make holes the water will only come through the holes and you can put +pails under the holes to catch it." + +So we made nine holes in the ceiling with the poker, and put pails, +baths, and tubs under, and now there was not so much water on the floor. +But we had to keep on working like niggers, and Mrs. Pettigrew and Alice +worked the same. + +About five in the morning the rain stopped; about seven the water did +not come in so fast, and presently it only dripped slowly. Our task was +done. + +This is the only time I was ever up all night. I wish it happened +oftener. We did not go back to bed then, but dressed and went down. We +all went to sleep in the afternoon, though. Quite without meaning to. + +Oswald went up on the roof, before breakfast, to see if he could find +the hole where the rain had come in. He did not find any hole, but he +found the cricket-ball jammed in the top of a gutter-pipe, which he +afterwards knew ran down inside the wall of the house and ran into the +moat below. It seems a silly dodge, but so it was. + +[Illustration: "'OH, DEAR! OH, DEAR!'"] + +When the men went up after breakfast to see what had caused the flood +they said there must have been a good half-foot of water on the leads +the night before for it to have risen high enough to go above the edge +of the lead, and of course when it got above the lead there was nothing +to stop it running down under it, and soaking through the ceiling. The +parapet and the roofs kept it from tumbling off down the sides of the +house in the natural way. They said there must have been some +obstruction in the pipe which ran down into the house, but whatever it +was the water had washed it away, for they put wires down, and the pipe +was quite clear. + +While we were being told this Oswald's trembling fingers felt at the wet +cricket-ball in his pocket. And he _knew_, but he _could_ not tell. He +heard them wondering what the obstruction could have been, and all the +time he had the obstruction in his pocket, and never said a single word. + +I do not seek to defend him. But it really was an awful thing to have +been the cause of; and Mrs. Pettigrew is but harsh and hasty. But this, +as Oswald knows too well, is no excuse for his silent conduct. + +That night at tea Albert's uncle was rather silent too. At last he +looked upon us with a glance full of intelligence, and said: + +"There was a queer thing happened yesterday. You know there was an +angling competition. The pen was kept full on purpose. Some mischievous +busybody went and opened the sluices and let all the water out. The +anglers' holiday was spoiled. No, the rain wouldn't have spoiled it +anyhow, Alice; anglers _like_ rain. The 'Rose and Crown' dinner was half +of it wasted because the anglers were so furious that a lot of them took +the next train to town. And this is the worst of all--a barge, that was +on the mud in the pen below, was lifted and jammed across the river, and +then the water tilted her over, and her cargo is on the river bottom. It +was coals." + +During this speech there were four of us who knew not where to turn our +agitated glances. Some of us tried bread and butter, but it seemed dry +and difficult, and those who tried tea choked and spluttered and were +sorry they had not let it alone. + +When the speech stopped Alice said, "It was us." + +And with deepest feelings she and the rest of us told all about it. +Oswald did not say much. He was turning the obstruction round and round +in his pocket, and wishing with all his sentiments that he had owned up +like a man when Albert's uncle asked him before tea to tell him all +about what had happened during the night. + +When they had told all, Albert's uncle told us four still more plainly, +and exactly, what we had done, and how much pleasure we had spoiled, and +how much of my father's money we had wasted--because he would have to +pay for the coals being got up from the bottom of the river, if they +could be, and if not, for the price of the coals. And we saw it _all_. + +And when he had done Alice burst out crying over her plate and said: + +"It's no use! We _have_ tried to be good since we've been down here. You +don't know how we've tried! And it's all no use. I believe we are the +wickedest children in the whole world, and I wish we were all dead!" + +This was a dreadful thing to say, and of course the rest of us were all +very shocked. But Oswald could not help looking at Albert's uncle to see +how he would take it. + +He said, very gravely, "My dear kiddie, you ought to be sorry, and I +wish you to be sorry for what you've done. And you will be punished for +it." (We were; our pocket-money was stopped and we were forbidden to go +near the river, besides impositions miles long.) "But," he went on, "you +mustn't give up trying to be good. You are extremely naughty and +tiresome, as you know very well." + +Alice, Dicky, and Noël began to cry at about this time. + +"But you are not the wickedest children in the world by any means." + +Then he stood up and straightened his collar, and put his hands in his +pockets. + +"You're very unhappy now," he said, "and you deserve to be. But I will +say one thing to you." + +Then he said a thing which Oswald at least will never forget (though but +little he deserved it, with the obstruction in his pocket, unowned up +to all the time). + +He said, "I have known you all for four years--and you know as well as I +do how many scrapes I've seen you in and out of--but I've never known +one of you tell a lie, and I've never known one of you do a mean or +dishonorable action. And when you have done wrong you are always sorry. +Now this is something to stand firm on. You'll learn to be good in the +other ways some day." + +He took his hands out of his pockets, and his face looked different, so +that three of the four guilty creatures knew he was no longer adamant, +and they threw themselves into his arms. Dora, Denny, Daisy, and H. O., +of course, were not in it, and I think they thanked their stars. + +Oswald did not embrace Albert's uncle. He stood there and made up his +mind he would go for a soldier. He gave the wet ball one last squeeze, +and took his hand out of his pocket, and said a few words before going +to enlist. He said: + +"The others may deserve what you say. I hope they do, I'm sure. But _I_ +don't, because it was my rotten cricket-ball that stopped up the pipe +and caused the midnight flood in our bedroom. And I knew it quite early +this morning. And I didn't own up." + +Oswald stood there covered with shame, and he could feel the hateful +cricket-ball heavy and cold against the top of his leg, through the +pocket. + +Albert's uncle said--and his voice made Oswald hot all over, but not +with shame--he said-- + +I shall not tell you what he said. It is no one's business but Oswald's; +only I will own it made Oswald not quite so anxious to run away for a +soldier as he had been before. + +That owning up was the hardest thing I ever did. They did put that in +the Book of Golden Deeds, though it was not a kind or generous act, and +did no good to any one or anything except Oswald's own inside feelings. +I must say I think they might have let it alone. Oswald would rather +forget it. Especially as Dicky wrote it in and put this: + +"Oswald acted a lie, which, he knows, is as bad as telling one. But he +owned up when he needn't have, and this condones his sin. We think he +was a thorough brick to do it." + +Alice scratched this out afterwards and wrote the record of the incident +in more flattering terms. But Dicky had used father's ink, and she used +Mrs. Pettigrew's, so any one can read _his_ underneath the scratching +outs. + +The others were awfully friendly to Oswald, to show they agreed with +Albert's uncle in thinking I deserved as much share as any one in any +praise there might be going. + +It was Dora who said it all came from my quarrelling with Noël about +that rotten cricket-ball; but Alice, gently yet firmly, made her shut +up. + +I let Noël have the ball. It had been thoroughly soaked, but it dried +all right. But it could never be the same to me after what _it_ had done +and what _I_ had done. + +I hope you will try to agree with Albert's uncle and not think foul +scorn of Oswald because of this story. Perhaps you have done things +nearly as bad yourself sometimes. If you have, you will know how "owning +up" soothes the savage breast and alleviates the gnawings of remorse. + +If you have never done naughty acts, I expect it is only because you +never had the sense to think of anything. + + + + +THE CIRCUS + + +The ones of us who had started the Society of the Wouldbegoods began, at +about this time, to bother. + +They said we had not done anything really noble--not worth speaking of, +that is--for over a week, and that it was high time to begin +again--"with earnest endeavor," Daisy said. So then Oswald said: + +"All right; but there ought to be an end to everything. Let's each of us +think of one really noble and unselfish act, and the others shall help +to work it out, like we did when we were Treasure Seekers. Then when +everybody's had their go-in we'll write every single thing down in the +Golden Deed book, and we'll draw two lines in red ink at the bottom, +like father does at the end of an account. And after that, if any one +wants to be good they can jolly well be good on our own, if at all." + +The ones who had made the Society did not welcome this wise idea, but +Dicky and Oswald were firm. + +So they had to agree. When Oswald is really firm, opposingness and +obstinacy have to give way. + +Dora said, "It would be a noble action to have all the school-children +from the village and give them tea and games in the paddock. They would +think it so nice and good of us." + +But Dicky showed her that this would not be _our_ good act, but +father's, because he would have to pay for the tea, and he had already +stood us the keepsakes for the soldiers, as well as having to stump up +heavily over the coal barge. And it is in vain being noble and generous +when some one else is paying for it all the time, even if it happens to +be your father. Then three others had ideas at the same time and began +to explain what they were. + +We were all in the dining-room, and perhaps we were making a bit of a +row. Anyhow, Oswald, for one, does not blame Albert's uncle for opening +his door and saying: + +"I suppose I must not ask for complete silence. That were too much. But +if you could whistle, or stamp with your feet, or shriek or +howl--anything to vary the monotony of your well-sustained +conversation." + +Oswald said, kindly, "We're awfully sorry. Are you busy?" + +"Busy?" said Albert's uncle. "My heroine is now hesitating on the verge +of an act which, for good or ill, must influence her whole subsequent +career. You wouldn't like her to decide in the middle of such a row that +she can't hear herself think?" + +We said, "No, we wouldn't." + +Then he said, "If any outdoor amusement should commend itself to you +this bright midsummer day--" + +So we all went out. + +Then Daisy whispered to Dora--they always hang together. Daisy is not +nearly so white-micey as she was at first, but she still seems to fear +the deadly ordeal of public speaking. Dora said: + +"Daisy's idea is a game that'll take us all day. She thinks keeping out +of the way when he's making his heroine decide right would be a noble +act, and fit to write in the Golden Book; and we might as well be +playing something at the same time." + +We all said "Yes, but what?" + +There was a silent interval. + +"Speak up, Daisy, my child," Oswald said; "fear not to lay bare the +utmost thoughts of that faithful heart." + +Daisy giggled. Our own girls never giggle; they laugh right out or hold +their tongues. Their kind brothers have taught them this. Then Daisy +said: + +"If we could have a sort of play to keep us out of the way. I once read +a story about an animal race. Everybody had an animal, and they had to +go how they liked, and the one that got in first got the prize. There +was a tortoise in it, and a rabbit, and a peacock, and sheep, and dogs, +and a kitten." + +This proposal left us cold, as Albert's uncle says, because we knew +there could not be any prize worth bothering about. And though you may +be ever ready and willing to do anything for nothing, yet if there's +going to be a prize there must _be_ a prize and there's an end of it. + +Thus the idea was not followed up. Dicky yawned and said, "Let's go into +the barn and make a fort." + +So we did, with straw. It does not hurt straw to be messed about with +like it does hay. + +The down-stairs--I mean down-ladder--part of the barn was fun too, +especially for Pincher. There was as good ratting there as you could +wish to see. Martha tried it, but she could not help running kindly +beside the rat, as if she was in double harness with it. This is the +noble bull-dog's gentle and affectionate nature coming out. We all +enjoyed the ratting that day, but it ended, as usual, in the girls +crying because of the poor rats. Girls cannot help this; we must not be +waxy with them on account of it, they have their nature, same as +bull-dogs have, and it is this that makes them so useful in smoothing +the pillows of the sick-bed and tending wounded heroes. + +However, the forts, and Pincher, and the girls crying, and having to be +thumped on the back, passed the time very agreeably till dinner. There +was roast mutton with onion sauce, and a roly-poly pudding. + +Albert's uncle said we had certainly effaced ourselves effectually, +which means we hadn't bothered. + +So we determined to do the same during the afternoon, for he told us his +heroine was by no means out of the wood yet. + +And at first it was easy. Jam roly gives you a peaceful feeling and you +do not at first care if you never play any runabout game ever any more. +But after a while the torpor begins to pass away. Oswald was the first +to recover from his. + +He had been lying on his front part in the orchard, but now he turned +over on his back and kicked his legs up, and said: + +"I say, look here; let's do something."[A] + +[Footnote A: See page 137 for short story.] + +Daisy looked thoughtful. She was chewing the soft yellow parts of grass, +but I could see she was still thinking about that animal race. So I +explained to her that it would be very poor fun without a tortoise and a +peacock, and she saw this, though not willingly. + +It was H. O. who said: + +"Doing anything with animals is prime! if they only will. Let's have a +circus!" + +At the word the last thought of the pudding faded from Oswald's memory +and he stretched himself, sat up, and said: + +"Bully for H. O. Let's!" + +The others also threw off the heavy weight of memory, and sat up and +said "Let's!" too. + +Never, never in all our lives had we had such a gay galaxy of animals at +our command. The rabbits and the guinea-pigs, and even all the bright, +glass-eyed, stuffed denizens of our late-lamented Jungle, paled into +insignificance before the number of live things on the farm. + +(I hope you do not think that the words I use are getting too long. I +know they are the right words. And Albert's uncle says your style is +always altered a bit by what you read. And I have been reading the +Vicomte de Bragelonne. Nearly all my new words come out of those.) + +"The worst of a circus is" Dora said, "that you've got to teach the +animals things. A circus where the performing creatures hadn't learned +performing would be a bit silly. Let's give up a week to teaching them +and then have the circus." + +Some people have no idea of the value of time. And Dora is one of those +who do not understand that when you want to do a thing you _do_ want to, +and not to do something else, and perhaps your own thing, a week later. + +Oswald said the first thing was to collect the performing animals. + +"Then perhaps," he said, "we may find that they have hidden talents +hitherto unsuspected by their harsh masters." + +So Denny took a pencil and wrote a list of the animals required. + +This is it: + + +LIST OF ANIMALS REQUISITE FOR THE CIRCUS WE ARE GOING TO HAVE + + 1 Bull for bull-fight. + + 1 Horse for ditto (if possible). + + 1 Goat to do Alpine feats of daring. + + 1 Donkey to play see-saw. + + 2 White pigs--one to be Learned, and the other to play with + the clown. + + Turkeys--as many as possible, because they can make a noise + that sounds like an audience applauding. + + The dogs--for any odd parts. + + 1 large black pig--to be the Elephant in the procession. + + Calves (several) to be camels, and to stand on tubs. + +Daisy ought to have been captain because it was partly her idea, but she +let Oswald be, because she is of a retiring character. Oswald said: + +"The first thing is to get all the creatures together; the paddock at +the side of the orchard is the very place, because the hedge is good all +round. When we've got the performers all there we'll make a programme, +and then dress for our parts. It's a pity there won't be any audience +but the turkeys." + +We took the animals in their right order, according to Denny's list. The +bull was the first. He is black. He does not live in the cow-house with +the other horned people; he has a house all to himself two fields away. +Oswald and Alice went to fetch him. They took a halter to lead the bull +by, and a whip, not to hurt the bull with, but just to make him mind. + +The others were to try to get one of the horses while we were gone. + +Oswald, as usual, was full of bright ideas. + +"I dare say," he said, "the bull will be shy at first, and he'll have to +be goaded into the arena." + +"But goads hurt," Alice said. + +"They don't hurt the bull," Oswald said; "his powerful hide is too +thick." + +"Then why does he attend to it," Alice asked, "if it doesn't hurt?" + +"Properly brought-up bulls attend because they know they ought," Oswald +said. "I think I shall ride the bull," the brave boy went on. "A +bull-fight, where an intrepid rider appears on the bull, sharing its +joys and sorrows. It would be something quite new." + +"You can't ride bulls," Alice said; "at least, not if their backs are +sharp like cows." + +But Oswald thought he could. The bull lives in a house made of wood and +prickly furze-bushes, and he has a yard to his house. You cannot climb +on the roof of his house at all comfortably. + +When we got there he was half in his house and half out in his yard, and +he was swinging his tail because of the flies which bothered. It was a +very hot day. + +"You'll see," Alice said, "he won't want a goad. He'll be so glad to get +out for a walk he'll drop his head in my hand like a tame fawn, and +follow me lovingly all the way." + +Oswald called to him. He said, "Bull! Bull! Bull! Bull!" because we did +not know the animal's real name. The bull took no notice; then Oswald +picked up a stone and threw it at the bull, not angrily, but just to +make it pay attention. But the bull did not pay a farthing's worth of +it. So then Oswald leaned over the iron gate of the bull's yard and just +flicked the bull with the whip lash. And then the bull _did_ pay +attention. He started when the lash struck him, then suddenly he faced +round, uttering a roar like that of the wounded King of Beasts, and +putting his head down close to his feet he ran straight at the iron gate +where we were standing. + +Alice and Oswald mechanically turned away; they did not wish to annoy +the bull any more, and they ran as fast as they could across the field +so as not to keep the others waiting. + +As they ran across the field Oswald had a dream-like fancy that perhaps +the bull had rooted up the gate with one paralyzing blow, and was now +tearing across the field after him and Alice, with the broken gate +balanced on its horns. We climbed the stile quickly and looked back; the +bull was still on the right side of the gate. + +Oswald said, "I think we'll do without the bull. He did not seem to want +to come. We must be kind to dumb animals." + +Alice said, between laughing and crying: + +"Oh, Oswald, how can you!" But we did do without the bull, and we did +not tell the others how we had hurried to get back. We just said, "The +bull didn't seem to care about coming." + +The others had not been idle. They had got old Clover, the cart-horse, +but she would do nothing but graze, so we decided not to use her in the +bull-fight, but to let her be the Elephant. The Elephant's is a nice, +quiet part, and she was quite big enough for a young one. Then the black +pig could be Learned, and the other two could be something else. They +had also got the goat; he was tethered to a young tree. + +The donkey was there. Denny was leading him in the halter. + +The dogs were there, of course--they always are. + +So now we only had to get the turkeys for the applause, and the calves +and pigs. + +The calves were easy to get, because they were in their own house. There +were five. And the pigs were in their houses too. We got them out after +long and patient toil, and persuaded them that they wanted to go into +the paddock, where the circus was to be. This is done by pretending to +drive them the other way. A pig only knows two ways--the way you want +him to go and the other. But the turkeys knew thousands of different +ways, and tried them all. They made such an awful row we had to drop all +ideas of ever hearing applause from their lips, so we came away and left +them. + +"Never mind," H. O. said, "they'll be sorry enough afterwards, nasty, +unobliging things, because now they won't see the circus. I hope the +other animals will tell them about it." + +While the turkeys were engaged in baffling the rest of us, Dicky had +found three sheep who seemed to wish to join the glad throng, so we let +them. + +Then we shut the gate of the paddock, and left the dumb circus +performers to make friends with each other while we dressed. + +Oswald and H. O. were to be clowns. It is quite easy with Albert's +uncle's pyjamas, and flour on your hair and face, and the red they do +the brick-floors with. + +Alice had very short pink and white skirts, and roses in her hair and +round her dress. Her dress was the pink calico and white muslin stuff +off the dressing-table in the girls' room fastened with pins and tied +round the waist with a small bath towel. She was to be the Dauntless +Equestrienne, and to give her enhancing act of bare-backed daring, +riding either a pig or a sheep, whichever we found was freshest and most +skittish. Dora was dressed for the _Haute École_, which means a +riding-habit and a high hat. She took Dick's topper that he wears with +his Etons, and a skirt of Mrs. Pettigrew's. Daisy dressed the same as +Alice, taking the muslin from Mrs. Pettigrew's dressing-table without +saying anything beforehand. None of us would have advised this, and +indeed we were thinking of trying to put it back, when Denny and Noël, +who were wishing to look like highwaymen, with brown paper top-boots and +slouch hats and Turkish towel cloaks, suddenly stopped dressing and +gazed out of the window. + +"Krikey!" said Dick; "come on, Oswald!" and he bounded like an antelope +from the room. + +Oswald and the rest followed, casting a hasty glance through the window. +Noël had got brown paper boots too, and a Turkish towel cloak. H. O. +had been waiting for Dora to dress him up for the other clown. He had +only his shirt and knickerbockers and his braces on. He came down as he +was--as indeed we all did. And no wonder, for in the paddock, where the +circus was to be, a blood-thrilling thing had transpired. The dogs were +chasing the sheep. And we had now lived long enough in the country to +know the fell nature of our dogs' improper conduct. + +We all rushed into the paddock, calling to Pincher, and Martha, and +Lady. Pincher came almost at once. He is a well-brought-up dog--Oswald +trained him. Martha did not seem to hear. She is awfully deaf, but she +did not matter so much, because the sheep could walk away from her +easily. She has no pace and no wind. But Lady is a deer-hound. She is +used to pursuing that fleet and antlered pride of the forest--the +stag--and she can go like billyo. She was now far away in a distant +region of the paddock, with a fat sheep just before her in full flight. +I am sure if ever anybody's eyes did start out of their heads with +horror, like in narratives of adventure, ours did then. + +There was a moment's pause of speechless horror. We expected to see Lady +pull down her quarry, and we know what a lot of money a sheep costs, to +say nothing of its own personal feelings. + +Then we started to run for all we were worth. It is hard to run swiftly +as the arrow from the bow when you happen to be wearing pyjamas +belonging to a grown-up person--as I was--but even so I beat Dicky. He +said afterwards it was because his brown paper boots came undone and +tripped him up. Alice came in third. She held on the dressing-table +muslin and ran jolly well. But ere we reached the fatal spot all was +very nearly up with the sheep. We heard a plop; Lady stopped and looked +round. She must have heard us bellowing to her as we ran. Then she came +towards us, prancing with happiness, but we said, "Down!" and "Bad dog!" +and ran sternly on. + +When we came to the brook which forms the northern boundary of the +paddock we saw the sheep struggling in the water. It is not very deep, +and I believe the sheep could have stood up, and been well in its depth, +if it had liked, but it would not try. + +It was a steepish bank. Alice and I got down and stuck our legs into the +water, and then Dicky came down, and the three of us hauled that sheep +up by its shoulders till it could rest on Alice and me as we sat on the +bank. It kicked all the time we were hauling. It gave one extra kick at +last, that raised it up, and I tell you that sopping wet, heavy, +panting, silly donkey of a sheep sat there on our laps like a pet dog; +and Dicky got his shoulder under it at the back and heaved constantly to +keep it from flumping off into the water again, while the others fetched +the shepherd. + +When the shepherd came he called us every name you can think of, and +then he said: + +"Good thing master didn't come along. He would ha' called you some tidy +names." + +He got the sheep out, and took it and the others away. And the calves +too. He did not seem to care about the other performing animals. + +Alice, Oswald, and Dick had had almost enough circus for just then, so +we sat in the sun and dried ourselves and wrote the programme of the +circus. This was it: + + +PROGRAMME + +1. Startling leap from the lofty precipice by the performing sheep. Real +water, and real precipice. The gallant rescue. O., A., and D. Bastable. +(We thought we might as well put that in, though it was over and had +happened accidentally.) + +2. Graceful bare-backed equestrienne act on the trained pig, Eliza. A. +Bastable. + +3. Amusing clown interlude, introducing trained dog, Pincher, and the +other white pig. H. O. and O. Bastable. + +4. The See-saw. Trained donkeys. (H. O. said we had only one donkey, so +Dicky said H. O. could be the other. When peace was restored we went on +to 5.) + +5. Elegant equestrian act by D. Bastable. _Haute École_, on Clover, the +incomparative trained elephant from the plains of Venezuela. + +6. Alpine feat of daring. The climbing of the Andes, by Billy, the +well-known acrobatic goat. (We thought we could make the Andes out of +hurdles and things, and so we could have but for what always happens. +(This is the unexpected. (This is a saying father told me--but I see I +am three deep in brackets, so I will close them before I get into any +more.).).). + +7. The Black but Learned Pig. ("I dare say he knows something," Alice +said, "if we can only find out what." We _did_ find out all too soon.) + +We could not think of anything else, and our things were nearly dry--all +except Dick's brown paper top-boots, which were mingled with the +gurgling waters of the brook. + +We went back to the seat of action--which was the iron trough where the +sheep have their salt put--and began to dress up the creatures. We had +just tied the Union Jack we made out of Daisy's flannel petticoat and +cetera, when we gave the soldiers the baccy, round the waist of the +Black and Learned Pig, when we heard screams from the back part of the +house; and suddenly we saw that Billy, the acrobatic goat, had got loose +from the tree we had tied him to. (He had eaten all the parts of its +bark that he could get at, but we did not notice it until next day, when +led to the spot by a grown-up.) + +The gate of the paddock was open. The gate leading to the bridge that +goes over the moat to the back door was open too. We hastily proceeded +in the direction of the screams, and, guided by the sound, threaded our +way into the kitchen. As we went, Noël, ever fertile in melancholy +ideas, said he wondered whether Mrs. Pettigrew was being robbed, or +only murdered. + +In the kitchen we saw that Noël was wrong as usual. It was neither. Mrs. +Pettigrew, screaming like a steam-siren and waving a broom, occupied the +foreground. In the distance the maid was shrieking in a hoarse and +monotonous way, and trying to shut herself up inside a clothes-horse on +which washing was being aired. On the dresser--which he had ascended by +a chair--was Billy, the acrobatic goat, doing his Alpine daring act. He +had found out his Andes for himself, and even as we gazed he turned and +tossed his head in a way that showed us some mysterious purpose was +hidden beneath his calm exterior. The next moment he put his off-horn +neatly behind the end plate of the next to the bottom row, and ran it +along against the wall. The plates fell crashing on to the soup tureen +and vegetable dishes which adorned the lower range of the Andes. + +Mrs. Pettigrew's screams were almost drowned in the discording crash and +crackle of the falling avalanche of crockery. + +Oswald, though stricken with horror and polite regret, preserved the +most dauntless coolness. + +Disregarding the mop which Mrs. Pettigrew kept on poking at the goat in +a timid yet cross way, he sprang forward, crying out to his trusty +followers, "Stand by to catch him!" + +But Dick had thought of the same thing, and ere Oswald could carry out +his long-cherished and general-like design, Dicky had caught the goat's +legs and tripped it up. The goat fell against another row of plates, +righted itself hastily in the gloomy ruins of the soup tureen and the +sauce-boats, and then fell again, this time towards Dicky. The two fell +heavily on the ground together. The trusty followers had been so struck +by the daring of Dicky and his lion-hearted brother that they had not +stood by to catch anything. The goat was not hurt, but Dicky had a +sprained thumb and a lump on his head like a black marble door-knob. He +had to go to bed. + +I will draw a veil and asterisks over what Mrs. Pettigrew said. Also +Albert's uncle, who was brought to the scene of ruin by her screams. Few +words escaped our lips. There are times when it is not wise to argue; +however, little what has occurred is really our fault. + +When they had said what they deemed enough, and we were let go, we all +went out. Then Alice said distractedly, in a voice which she vainly +strove to render firm: + +"Let's give up the circus. Let's put the toys back in the boxes--no, I +don't mean that--the creatures in their places--and drop the whole +thing. I want to go and read to Dicky." + +Oswald has a spirit that no reverses can depreciate. He hates to be +beaten. But he gave in to Alice, as the others said so too, and we went +out to collect the performing troop and sort it out into its proper +places. + +Alas! we came too late. In the interest we had felt about whether Mrs. +Pettigrew was the abject victim of burglars or not we had left both +gates open again. The old horse--I mean the trained elephant from +Venezuela--was there all right enough. The dogs we had beaten and tied +up after the first act, when the intrepid sheep bounded, as it says in +the programme. The two white pigs were there, but the donkey was gone. +We heard his hoofs down the road, growing fainter and fainter, in the +direction of the "Rose and Crown." And just round the gate-post we saw a +flash of red and white and blue and black that told us, with dumb +signification, that the pig was off in exactly the opposite direction. +Why couldn't they have gone the same way? But no, one was a pig and the +other was a donkey, as Denny said afterwards. + +Daisy and H. O. started after the donkey; the rest of us, with one +accord, pursued the pig--I don't know why. It trotted quietly down the +road; it looked very black against the white road, and the ends on the +top, where the Union Jack was tied, bobbed brightly as it trotted. At +first we thought it would be easy to catch up to it. This was an error. + +When we ran faster it ran faster; when we stopped it stopped and looked +round at us, and nodded. (I dare say you won't swallow this, but you may +safely. It's as true as true, and so's all that about the goat. I give +you my sacred word of honor.) I tell you the pig nodded as much as to +say: + +[Illustration: "HE SAT DOWN IN THE HEDGE TO LAUGH PROPERLY"] + +"Oh yes. You think you will, but you won't!" and then as soon as we +moved again off it went. That pig led us on and on, o'er miles and miles +of strange country. One thing, it did keep to the roads. When we met +people, which wasn't often, we called out to them to help us, but they +only waved their arms and roared with laughter. One chap on a bicycle +almost tumbled off his machine, and then he got off it and propped it +against a gate and sat down in the hedge to laugh properly. You remember +Alice was still dressed up as the gay equestrienne in the dressing-table +pink and white, with rosy garlands, now very droopy, and she had no +stockings on, only white sand-shoes, because she thought they would be +easier than boots for balancing on the pig in the graceful bare-backed +act. + +Oswald was attired in red paint and flour and pyjamas, for a clown. It +is really _impossible_ to run speedfully in another man's pyjamas, so +Oswald had taken them off, and wore his own brown knickerbockers +belonging to his Norfolks. He had tied the pyjamas round his neck to +carry them easily. He was afraid to leave them in a ditch, as Alice +suggested, because he did not know the roads, and for aught he recked +they might have been infested with footpads. If it had been his own +pyjamas, it would have been different. (I'm going to ask for pyjamas +next winter, they are so useful in many ways.) + +Noël was a highwayman in brown paper gaiters and bath towels and a +cocked hat of newspaper. I don't know how he kept it on. And the pig +was encircled by the dauntless banner of our country. All the same, I +think if I had seen a band of youthful travellers in bitter distress +about a pig I should have tried to lend a helping hand and not sat +roaring in the hedge, no matter how the travellers and the pig might +have been dressed. + +It was hotter than any one would believe who has never had occasion to +hunt the pig when dressed for quite another part. The flour got out of +Oswald's hair into his eyes and his mouth. His brow was wet with what +the village blacksmith's was wet with, and not his fair brow alone. It +ran down his face and washed the red off in streaks, and when he rubbed +his eyes he only made it worse. Alice had to run holding the +equestrienne skirts on with both hands, and I think the brown paper +boots bothered Noël from the first. Dora had her skirt over her arm and +carried the topper in her hand. It was no use to tell ourselves it was a +wild boar hunt--we were long past that. + +At last we met a man who took pity on us. He was a kind-hearted man. I +think, perhaps, he had a pig of his own--or, perhaps, children. Honor to +his name! + +He stood in the middle of the road and waved his arms. The pig +right-wheeled through a gate into a private garden and cantered up the +drive. We followed. What else were we to do I should like to know? + +The Learned Black Pig seemed to know its way. It turned first to the +right and then to the left, and emerged on a lawn. + +"Now, all together!" cried Oswald, mustering his failing voice to give +the word of command. "Surround him!--cut off his retreat!" + +We almost surrounded him. He edged off towards the house. + +"Now we've got him!" cried the crafty Oswald, as the pig got onto a bed +of yellow pansies close against the red house wall. + +All would even then have been well, but Denny, at the last, shrank from +meeting the pig face to face in a manly way. He let the pig pass him, +and the next moment, with a squeak that said "There now!" as plain as +words, the pig bolted into a French window. The pursuers halted not. +This was no time for trivial ceremony. In another moment the pig was a +captive. Alice and Oswald had their arms round him under the ruins of a +table that had had teacups on it, and around the hunters and their prey +stood the startled members of a parish society for making clothes for +the poor heathen, that that pig had led us into the very midst of. They +were reading a missionary report or something when we ran our quarry to +earth under their table. Even as he crossed the threshold I heard +something about "black brothers being already white to the harvest." All +the ladies had been sewing flannel things for the poor blacks while the +curate read aloud to them. You think they screamed when they saw the Pig +and Us? You are right. + +On the whole, I cannot say that the missionary people behaved badly. +Oswald explained that it was entirely the pig's doing, and asked pardon +quite properly for any alarm the ladies had felt; and Alice said how +sorry we were, but really it was _not_ our fault this time. The curate +looked a bit nasty, but the presence of ladies made him keep his hot +blood to himself. + +When we had explained, we said, "Might we go?" + +The curate said, "The sooner the better." But the Lady of the House +asked for our names and addresses, and said she should write to our +father. (She did, and we heard of it too.) They did not do anything to +us, as Oswald at one time believed to be the curate's idea. They let us +go. + +And we went, after we had asked for a piece of rope to lead the pig by. + +"In case it should come back into your nice room," Alice said. "And that +would be such a pity, wouldn't it?" + +A little girl in a starched pinafore was sent for the rope. And as soon +as the pig had agreed to let us tie it round his neck we came away. The +scene in the drawing-room had not been long. + +The pig went slowly, + + "Like the meandering brook," + +Denny said. Just by the gate the shrubs rustled and opened and the +little girl came out. Her pinafore was full of cake. + +"Here," she said. "You must be hungry if you've come all that way. I +think they might have given you some tea after all the trouble you've +had." + +We took the cake with correct thanks. + +"I wish _I_ could play at circuses," she said. "Tell me about it." + +We told her while we ate the cake; and when we had done she said perhaps +it was better to hear about than do, especially the goat's part and +Dicky's. + +"But I do wish auntie had given you tea," she said. + +We told her not to be too hard on her aunt, because you have to make +allowances for grown-up people. + +When we parted she said she would never forget us, and Oswald gave her +his pocket button-hook and corkscrew combined for a keepsake. + + * * * * * + +Dicky's act with the goat (which is true, and no kid) was the only thing +out of that day that was put in the Golden Deed Book, and he put that in +himself while we were hunting the pig. + +Alice and me capturing the pig was never put in. We would scorn to write +our own good actions, but I suppose Dicky was dull with us all away; and +you must pity the dull, and not blame them. + + * * * * * + +I will not seek to unfold to you how we got the pig home, or how the +donkey was caught (that was poor sport compared to the pig). Nor will I +tell you a word of all that was said and done to the intrepid hunters of +the Black and Learned. I have told you all the interesting part. Seek +not to know the rest. It is better buried in obliquity. + + + + +BEING BEAVERS; OR, THE YOUNG EXPLORERS (ARCTIC OR OTHERWISE) + + +You read in books about the pleasures of London, and about how people +who live in the country long for the gay whirl of fashion in town +because the country is so dull. I do not agree with this at all. In +London, or at any rate Lewisham, nothing happens unless you make it +happen; or if it happens it doesn't happen to you, and you don't know +the people it does happen to. But in the country the most interesting +events occur quite freely, and they seem to happen to you as much as to +any one else. Very often quite without your doing anything to help. + +The natural and right ways of earning your living in the country are +much jollier than town ones, too; sowing and reaping, and doing things +with animals, are much better sport than fishmongering or bakering or +oil-shopping, and those sort of things, except, of course, a plumber's +and gasfitter's, and he is the same, town or country--most interesting +and like an engineer. + +I remember what a nice man it was that came to cut the gas off once at +our old house in Lewisham, when my father's business was feeling so +poorly. He was a true gentleman, and gave Oswald and Dicky over two +yards and a quarter of good lead piping, and a brass tap that only +wanted a washer, and a whole handful of screws to do what we liked with. +We screwed the back door up with the screws, I remember, one night when +Eliza was out without leave. There was an awful row. We did not mean to +get her into trouble. We only thought it would be amusing for her to +find the door screwed up when she came down to take in the milk in the +morning. But I must not say any more about the Lewisham house. It is +only the pleasures of memory, and nothing to do with being beavers, or +any sort of exploring. + +I think Dora and Daisy are the kind of girls who will grow up very good, +and perhaps marry missionaries. I am glad Oswald's destiny looks at +present as if it might be different. + +We made two expeditions to discover the source of the Nile (or the north +pole), and owing to their habit of sticking together and doing dull and +praiseable things--like sewing, and helping with the cooking, and taking +invalid delicacies to the poor and indignant--Daisy and Dora were wholly +out of it both times, though Dora's foot was now quite well enough to +have gone to the north pole or the equator either. They said they did +not mind the first time, because they like to keep themselves clean; it +is another of their queer ways. And they said they had had a better time +than us. (It was only a clergyman and his wife who called, and hot +cakes for tea.) The second time they said they were lucky not to have +been in it. And perhaps they were right. But let me to my narrating. I +hope you will like it. I am going to try to write it a different way, +like the books they give you for a prize at a girls' school--I mean a +"young ladies' school," of course--not a high school. High schools are +not nearly so silly as some other kinds. Here goes: + +"'Ah, me!' sighed a slender maiden of twelve summers, removing her +elegant hat and passing her tapery fingers lightly through her fair +tresses, 'how sad it is--is it not?--to see able-bodied youths and young +ladies wasting the precious summer hours in idleness and luxury.' + +"The maiden frowned reproachingly, but yet with earnest gentleness, at +the group of youths and maidens who sat beneath an umbragipeaous +beech-tree and ate black currants. + +"'Dear brothers and sisters,' the blushing girl went on, 'could we not, +even now, at the eleventh hour, turn to account these wasted lives of +ours, and seek some occupation at once improving and agreeable?' + +"'I do not quite follow your meaning, dear sister,' replied the +cleverest of her brothers, on whose brow--" + +It's no use. I can't write like these books. I wonder how the books' +authors can keep it up. + +What really happened was that we were all eating black currants in the +orchard, out of a cabbage leaf, and Alice said: + +"I say, look here, let's do something. It's simply silly to waste a day +like this. It's just on eleven. Come on!" + +And Oswald said, "Where to?" + +This was the beginning of it. + +The moat that is all round our house is fed by streams. One of them is a +sort of open overflow pipe from a good-sized stream that flows at the +other side of the orchard. + +It was this stream that Alice meant when she said: + +"Why not go and discover the source of the Nile?" + +Of course Oswald knows quite well that the source of the real live +Egyptian Nile is no longer buried in that mysteriousness where it lurked +undisturbed for such a long time. But he was not going to say so. It is +a great thing to know when not to say things. + +"Why not have it an arctic expedition?" said Dicky; "then we could take +an ice-axe and live on blubber and things. Besides, it sounds cooler." + +"Vote! vote!" cried Oswald. So we did. + +Oswald, Alice, Noël, and Denny voted for the river of the ibis and the +crocodile. Dicky, H. O., and the other girls for the region of perennial +winter and rich blubber. + +So Alice said, "We can decide as we go. Let's start, anyway." + +The question of supplies had now to be gone into. Everybody wanted to +take something different, and nobody thought the other people's things +would be the slightest use. It is sometimes thus even with grown-up +expeditions. So then Oswald, who is equal to the hardest emergency that +ever emerged yet, said: + +"Let's each get what we like. The secret storehouse can be the shed in +the corner of the stable-yard where we got the door for the raft. Then +the captain can decide who's to take what." + +This was done. You may think it but the work of a moment to fit out an +expedition, but this is not so, especially when you know not whether +your exploring party is speeding to Central Africa or merely to the +world of icebergs and the polar bear. + +Dicky wished to take the wood-axe, the coal hammer, a blanket, and a +mackintosh. + +H. O. brought a large faggot in case we had to light fires, and a pair +of old skates he had happened to notice in the box-room, in case the +expedition turned out icy. + +Noël had nicked a dozen boxes of matches, a spade, and a trowel, and had +also obtained--I know not by what means--a jar of pickled onions. + +Denny had a walking-stick--we can't break him of walking with it--a book +to read in case he got tired of being a discoverer, a butterfly net and +a box with cork in it, a tennis-ball, if we happened to want to play +rounders in the pauses of exploring, two towels and an umbrella in the +event of camping or if the river got big enough to bathe in or to be +fallen into. + +Alice had a comforter for Noël in case we got late, a pair of scissors +and needle and cotton, two whole candles in case of caves. And she had +thoughtfully brought the table-cloth off the small table in the +dining-room, so that we could make all the things up into one bundle and +take it in turns to carry it. + +Oswald had fastened his master mind entirely on grub. Nor had the others +neglected this. + +All the stores for the expedition were put down on the table-cloth and +the corners tied up. Then it was more than even Oswald's muscley arms +could raise from the ground, so we decided not to take it, but only the +best-selected grub. The rest we hid in the straw loft, for there are +many ups and downs in life, and grub _is_ grub at any time, and so are +stores of all kinds. The pickled onions we had to leave, but not +forever. + +Then Dora and Daisy came along with their arms round each other's necks +as usual, like a picture on a grocer's almanac, and said they weren't +coming. + +It was, as I have said, a blazing hot day, and there were differences of +opinion among the explorers about what eatables we ought to have taken, +and H. O. had lost one of his garters and wouldn't let Alice tie it up +with her handkerchief, which the gentle sister was quite willing to do. +So it was a rather gloomy expedition that set off that bright sunny day +to seek the source of the river where Cleopatra sailed in Shakespeare +(or the frozen plains Mr. Nansen wrote that big book about). + +But the balmy calm of peaceful nature soon made the others less +cross--Oswald had not been cross exactly, but only disinclined to do +anything the others wanted--and by the time we had followed the stream a +little way, and had seen a water-rat and shied a stone or two at him, +harmony was restored. We did not hit the rat. + +You will understand that we were not the sort of people to have lived so +long near a stream without plumbing its depths. Indeed, it was the same +stream the sheep took its daring jump into the day we had the circus. +And of course we had often paddled in it--in the shallower parts. But +now our hearts were set on exploring. At least they ought to have been, +but when we got to the place where the stream goes under a wooden +sheep-bridge, Dicky cried, "A camp! a camp!" and we were all glad to sit +down at once. Not at all like real explorers, who know no rest, day or +night, till they have got there (whether it's the north pole, or the +central point of the part marked "_Desert of Sahara_" on old-fashioned +maps). + +The food supplies obtained by various members were good, and plenty of +it. Cake, hard eggs, sausage-rolls, currants, lemon cheese-cakes, +raisins, and cold apple dumplings. It was all very decent, but Oswald +could not help feeling that the source of the Nile (or north pole) was a +long way off, and perhaps nothing much when you got there. + +So he was not wholly displeased when Denny said, as he lay kicking into +the bank when the things to eat were all gone: + +"I believe this is clay: did you ever make huge platters and bowls out +of clay and dry them in the sun? Some people did in a book called _Foul +Play_, and I believe they baked turtles, or oysters, or something, at +the same time." + +He took up a bit of clay and began to mess it about, like you do putty +when you get hold of a bit. And at once the heavy gloom that had hung +over the explorers became expelled, and we all got under the shadow of +the bridge and messed about with clay. + +"It will be jolly!" Alice said, "and we can give the huge platters to +poor cottagers who are short of the usual sorts of crockery. That would +really be a very golden deed." + +It is harder than you would think when you read about it, to make huge +platters with clay. It flops about as soon as you get it any size, +unless you keep it much too thick, and then when you turn up the edges +they crack. Yet we did not mind the trouble. And we had all got our +shoes and stockings off. It is impossible to go on being cross when your +feet are in cold water; and there is something in the smooth messiness +of clay, and not minding how dirty you get, that would soothe the +savagest breast that ever beat. + +After a bit, though, we gave up the idea of the huge platter and tried +little things. We made some platters--they were like flower-pot saucers; +and Alice made a bowl by doubling up her fists and getting Noël to slab +the clay on outside. Then they smoothed the thing inside and out with +wet fingers, and it was a bowl--at least they said it was. When we'd +made a lot of things we set them in the sun to dry, and then it seemed a +pity not to do the thing thoroughly. So we made a bonfire, and when it +had burned down we put our pots on the soft, white, hot ashes among the +little red sparks, and kicked the ashes over them and heaped more fuel +over the top. It was a fine fire. + +Then tea-time seemed as if it ought to be near, and we decided to come +back next day and get our pots. + +As we went home across the fields Dicky looked back and said: + +"The bonfire's going pretty strong." + +We looked. It was. Great flames were rising to heaven against the +evening sky. And we had left it a smouldering, flat heap. + +"The clay must have caught alight," H. O. said. "Perhaps it's the kind +that burns. I know I've heard of fire-clay. And there's another sort you +can eat." + +"Oh, shut up!" Dicky said, with anxious scorn. + +With one accord we turned back. We all felt _the_ feeling--the one that +means something fatal being up and it being your fault. + +"Perhaps," Alice said, "a beautiful young lady in a muslin dress was +passing by, and a spark flew on to her, and now she is rolling in agony +enveloped in flames." + +We could not see the fire now, because of the corner of the wood, but we +hoped Alice was mistaken. + +But when we got in sight of the scene of our pottering industry we saw +it was as bad nearly as Alice's wild dream. For the wooden fence leading +up to the bridge had caught fire, and it was burning like billyo. + +Oswald started to run; so did the others. As he ran he said to himself, +"This is no time to think about your clothes. Oswald, be bold!" + +And he was. + +Arrived at the site of the conflagration, he saw that caps or straw hats +full of water, however quickly and perseveringly given, would never put +the bridge out, and his eventful past life made him know exactly the +sort of wigging you get for an accident like this. + +So he said, "Dicky, soak your jacket and mine in the stream and chuck +them along. Alice, stand clear, or your silly girl's clothes'll catch as +sure as fate." + +Dicky and Oswald tore off their jackets, so did Denny, but we would not +let him and H. O. wet theirs. Then the brave Oswald advanced warily to +the end of the burning rails and put his wet jacket over the end bit, +like a linseed poultice on the throat of a suffering invalid who has got +bronchitis. The burning wood hissed and smouldered, and Oswald fell +back, almost choked with the smoke. But at once he caught up the other +wet jacket and put it on another place, and of course it did the trick, +as he had known it would do. But it was a long job, and the smoke in his +eyes made the young hero obliged to let Dicky and Denny take a turn as +they had bothered to do from the first. At last all was safe; the +devouring element was conquered. We covered up the beastly bonfire with +clay to keep it from getting into mischief again, and then Alice said: + +"Now we must go and tell." + +"Of course," Oswald said, shortly. He had meant to tell all the time. + +So we went to the farmer who has the Moat House Farm, and we went at +once, because if you have any news like that to tell it only makes it +worse if you wait about. When we had told him he said: + +"You little----" I shall not say what he said besides that, because I am +sure he must have been sorry for it next Sunday when he went to church, +if not before. + +We did not take any notice of what he said, but just kept on saying how +sorry we were; and he did not take our apology like a man, but only said +he dare said, just like a woman does. Then he went to look at his +bridge, and we went in to our tea. The jackets were never quite the same +again. + +Really great explorers would never be discouraged by the dare saying of +a farmer, still less by his calling them names he ought not to. Albert's +uncle was away, so we got no double slating; and next day we started +again to discover the source of the river of cataracts (or the region of +mountain-like icebergs). + +We set out heavily provisioned with a large cake Daisy and Dora had +made themselves and six bottles of ginger-beer. I think real explorers +most likely have their ginger-beer in something lighter to carry than +stone bottles. Perhaps they have it by the cask, which would come +cheaper; and you could make the girls carry it on their back, like in +pictures of the daughters of regiments. + +We passed the scene of the devouring conflagration, and the thought of +the fire made us so thirsty we decided to drink the ginger-beer and +leave the bottles in a place of concealment. Then we went on, determined +to reach our destination, tropic or polar, that day. + +Denny and H. O. wanted to stop and try to make a fashionable +watering-place at that part where the stream spreads out like a +small-sized sea, but Noël said, "No." We did not like fashionableness. + +"_You_ ought to, at any rate," Denny said. "A Mr. Collins wrote an 'Ode +to the Fashions,' and he was a great poet." + +"The poet Milton wrote a long book about Satan," Noël said, "but I'm not +bound to like _him_." I think it was smart of Noël. + +"People aren't obliged to like everything they write about even, let +alone read," Alice said. "Look at 'Ruin seize thee, ruthless king!' and +all the pieces of poetry about war and tyrants and slaughtered +saints--and the one you made yourself about the black beetle, Noël." + +By this time we had got by the pondy place and the danger of delay was +past; but the others went on talking about poetry for quite a field and +a half, as we walked along by the banks of the stream. The stream was +broad and shallow at this part, and you could see the stones and gravel +at the bottom, and millions of baby fishes, and a sort of +skating-spiders walking about on the top of the water. Denny said the +water must be ice for them to be able to walk on it, and this showed we +were getting near the north pole. But Oswald had seen a kingfisher by +the wood, and he said it was an ibis, so this was even. + +When Oswald had had as much poetry as he could bear, he said, "Let's be +beavers and make a dam." + +And everybody was so hot they agreed joyously, and soon our clothes were +tucked up as far as they could go and our legs looked green through the +water, though they were pink out of it. + +Making a dam is jolly good fun, though laborious, as books about beavers +take care to let you know. + +Dicky said it must be Canada if we were beavers, and so it was on the +way to the polar system, but Oswald pointed to his heated brow, and +Dicky owned it was warm for polar regions. He had brought the ice-axe +(it is called the wood-chopper sometimes), and Oswald, ever ready and +able to command, set him and Denny to cut turfs from the bank while we +heaped stones across the stream. It was clayey here, or of course +dam-making would have been vain, even for the best-trained beaver. + +When we had made a ridge of stones we laid turfs against them--nearly +across the stream, leaving about two feet for the water to go +through--then more stones, and then lumps of clay stamped down as hard +as we could. The industrious beavers spent hours over it, with only one +easy to eat cake in. And at last the dam rose to the level of the bank. +Then the beavers collected a great heap of clay, and four of them lifted +it and dumped it down in the opening where the water was running. It did +splash a little, but a true-hearted beaver knows better than to mind a +bit of a wetting, as Oswald told Alice at the time. Then with more clay +the work was completed. We must have used tons of clay; there was quite +a big long hole in the bank above the dam where we had taken it out. + +When our beaver task was performed we went on, and Dicky was so hot he +had to take his jacket off and shut up about icebergs. + +I cannot tell you about all the windings of the stream; it went through +fields and woods and meadows, and at last the banks got steeper and +higher, and the trees overhead darkly arched their mysterious branches, +and we felt like the princes in a fairy tale who go out to seek their +fortunes. + +And then we saw a thing that was well worth coming all that way for; the +stream suddenly disappeared under a dark stone archway, and however much +you stood in the water and stuck your head down between your knees you +could not see any light at the other end. + +The stream was much smaller than where we had been beavers. + +Gentle reader, you will guess in a moment who it was that said: + +"Alice, you've got a candle. Let's explore." + +This gallant proposal met but a cold response. + +The others said they didn't care much about it, and what about tea? + +I often think the way people try to hide their cowardliness behind their +teas is simply beastly. + +Oswald took no notice. He just said, with that dignified manner, not at +all like sulking, which he knows so well how to put on: + +"All right. _I'm_ going. If you funk it you'd better cut along home and +ask your nurses to put you to bed." + +So then, of course, they agreed to go. Oswald went first with the +candle. It was not comfortable; the architect of that dark, subterranean +passage had not imagined any one would ever be brave enough to lead a +band of beavers into its inky recesses, or he would have built it high +enough to stand upright in. As it was, we were bent almost at a right +angle, and this is very awkward if for long. + +But the leader pressed dauntlessly on, and paid no attention to the +groans of his faithful followers, nor to what they said about their +backs. + +It really was a very long tunnel, though, and even Oswald was not sorry +to say, "I see daylight." The followers cheered as well as they could as +they splashed after him. The floor was stone as well as the roof, so it +was easy to walk on. I think the followers would have turned back if it +had been sharp stones or gravel. + +And now the spot of daylight at the end of the tunnel grew larger and +larger, and presently the intrepid leader found himself blinking in the +full sun, and the candle he carried looked simply silly. He emerged, and +the others too, and they stretched their backs, and the word "Krikey" +fell from more than one lip. It had indeed been a cramping adventure. +Bushes grew close to the mouth of the tunnel, so we could not see much +landscape, and when we had stretched our backs we went on up stream, and +nobody said they'd had jolly well enough of it, though in more than one +young heart this was thought. + +It was jolly to be in the sunshine again. I never knew before how cold +it was underground. The stream was getting smaller and smaller. + +Dicky said, "This can't be the way. I expect there was a turning to the +north pole inside the tunnel, only we missed it. It was cold enough +there." + +But here a twist in the stream brought us out from the bushes, and +Oswald said: + +"Here is strange, wild, tropical vegetation in the richest profusion. +Such blossoms as these never opened in a frigid what's-its-name." + +It was indeed true. We had come out into a sort of marshy, swampy place +like, I think, a jungle is, that the stream ran through, and it was +simply crammed with queer plants and flowers we never saw before or +since. And the stream was quite thin. It was torridly hot and softish to +walk on. There were rushes and reeds and small willows, and it was all +tangled over with different sorts of grasses--and pools here and there. +We saw no wild beasts, but there were more different kinds of wild flies +and beetles than you could believe anybody could bear, and dragon-flies +and gnats. The girls picked a lot of flowers. I know the names of some +of them, but I will not tell you them because this is not meant to be +instructing. So I will only name meadow-sweet, yarrow, loose-strife, +lady's bed-straw, and willow herb--both the larger and the lesser. + +Every one now wished to go home. It was much hotter there than in +natural fields. It made you want to tear all your clothes off and play +at savages, instead of keeping respectable in your boots. + +But we had to bear the boots because it was so brambly. + +It was Oswald who showed the others how flat it would be to go home the +same way we came; and he pointed out the telegraph wires in the distance +and said: + +"There must be a road there, let's make for it," which was quite a +simple and ordinary thing to say, and he does not ask for any credit for +it. + +So we sloshed along, scratching our legs with the brambles, and the +water squelched in our boots, and Alice's blue muslin frock was torn +all over in these criss-cross tears which are considered so hard to +darn. + +We did not follow the stream any more. It was only a trickle now, so we +knew we had tracked it to its source. And we got hotter and hotter and +hotter, and the dews of agony stood in beads on our brows and rolled +down our noses and off our chins. And the flies buzzed and the gnats +stung, and Oswald bravely sought to keep up Dicky's courage, when he +tripped on a snag and came down on a bramble-bush, by saying: + +"_You_ see it _is_ the source of the Nile we've discovered. What price +north poles now?" + +Alice said, "Ah, but think of ices! I expect Oswald wishes it _had_ been +the pole, anyway--" + +Oswald is naturally the leader, especially when following up what is his +own idea, but he knows that leaders have other duties besides just +leading. One is to assist weak or wounded members of the expedition, +whether polar or equatorish. + +So the others had got a bit ahead through Oswald lending the tottering +Denny a hand over the rough places. Denny's feet hurt him, because when +he was a beaver his stockings had dropped out of his pocket, and boots +without stockings are not a bed of luxuriousness. And he is often +unlucky with his feet. + +Presently we came to a pond, and Denny said: + +"Let's paddle." + +Oswald likes Denny to have ideas; he knows it is healthy for the boy, +and generally he backs him up, but just now it was getting late and the +others were ahead, so he said: + +"Oh, rot! come on." + +Generally the Dentist would have; but even worms will turn if they are +hot enough, and if their feet are hurting them. + +"I don't care, I shall!" he said. + +Oswald overlooked the mutiny and did not say who was leader. He just +said: + +"Well, don't be all day about it," for he is a kind-hearted boy and can +make allowances. + +So Denny took off his boots and went into the pool. + +"Oh, it's ripping!" he said. "You ought to come in." + +"It looks beastly muddy," said his tolerating leader. + +"It is a bit," Denny said, "but the mud's just as cool as the water, and +so soft it squeezes between your toes quite different to boots." + +And so he splashed about, and kept asking Oswald to come along in. + +But some unseen influence prevented Oswald doing this; or it may have +been because both his bootlaces were in hard knots. + +Oswald had cause to bless the unseen influence, or the bootlaces, or +whatever it was. + +Denny had got to the middle of the pool, and he was splashing about and +getting his clothes very wet indeed, and altogether you would have +thought his was a most envious and happy state. But alas! the brightest +cloud has a waterproof lining. He was just saying: + +"You _are_ a silly, Oswald. You'd much better--" when he gave a +blood-piercing scream, and began to kick about. + +"What's up?" cried the ready Oswald; he feared the worst from the way +Denny screamed, but he knew it could not be an old meat tin in this +quiet and jungular spot, like it was in the moat when the shark bit +Dora. + +"I don't know, it's biting me. Oh, it's biting me all over my legs! Oh, +what shall I do? Oh, it does hurt! Oh! oh! oh!" remarked Denny, among +his screams, and he splashed towards the bank. Oswald went into the +water and caught hold of him and helped him out. It is true that Oswald +had his boots on, but I trust he would not have funked the unknown +terrors of the deep, even without his boots. I am almost sure he would +not have. + +When Denny had scrambled and been hauled ashore, we saw with horror and +amaze that his legs were stuck all over with large black slug-looking +things. Denny turned green in the face--and even Oswald felt a bit +queer, for he knew in a moment what the black dreadfulnesses were. He +had read about them in a book called _Magnet Stories_, where there was a +girl called Theodosia, and she could play brilliant trebles on the piano +in duets, but the other girl knew all about leeches, which is much more +useful and golden deedy. Oswald tried to pull the leeches off, but they +wouldn't, and Denny howled so he had to stop trying. He remembered from +the _Magnet Stories_ how to make the leeches begin biting--the girl did +it with cream--but he could not remember how to stop them, and they had +not wanted any showing how to begin. + +"Oh, what shall I do? What shall I do? Oh, it does hurt! Oh, oh!" Denny +observed, and Oswald said: + +"Be a man! Buck up! If you won't let me take them off you'll just have +to walk home in them." + +At this thought the unfortunate youth's tears fell fast. But Oswald gave +him an arm, and carried his boots for him, and he consented to buck up, +and the two struggled on towards the others, who were coming back, +attracted by Denny's yells. He did not stop howling for a moment, except +to breathe. No one ought to blame him till they have had eleven leeches +on their right leg and six on their left, making seventeen in all, as +Dicky said, at once. + +It was lucky he did yell, as it turned out, because a man on the +road--where the telegraph wires were--was interested by his howls, and +came across the marsh to us as hard as he could. + +When he saw Denny's legs he said: + +"Blest if I didn't think so," and he picked Denny up and carried him +under one arm, where Denny went on saying "Oh!" and "It does hurt" as +hard as ever. + +Our rescuer, who proved to be a fine big young man in the bloom of +youth, and a farm-laborer by trade, in corduroys, carried the wretched +sufferer to the cottage where he lived with his aged mother; and then +Oswald found that what he had forgotten about the leeches was _salt_. +The young man in the bloom of youth's mother put salt on the leeches, +and they squirmed off, and fell with sickening, slug-like flops on the +brick floor. + +Then the young man in corduroys and the bloom, etc., carried Denny home +on his back, after his legs had been bandaged up, so that he looked like +"wounded warriors returning." + +It was not far by the road, though such a long distance by the way the +young explorers had come. + +He was a good young man, and though, of course, acts of goodness are +their own reward, still I was glad he had the two half-crowns Albert's +uncle gave him, as well as his own good act. But I am not sure Alice +ought to have put him in the Golden Deed book which was supposed to be +reserved for Us. + +Perhaps you will think this was the end of the source of the Nile (or +north pole). If you do, it only shows how mistaken the gentlest reader +may be. + +The wounded explorer was lying with his wounds and bandages on the sofa, +and we were all having our tea, with raspberries and white currants, +which we richly needed after our torrid adventures, when Mrs. Pettigrew, +the housekeeper, put her head in at the door and said: + +"Please could I speak to you half a moment, sir," to Albert's uncle. And +her voice was the kind that makes you look at each other when the +grown-up has gone out, and you are silent, with your bread-and-butter +half way to the next bite, or your teacup in mid flight to your lips. + +It was as we supposed. Albert's uncle did not come back for a long +while. We did not keep the bread-and-butter on the wing all that time, +of course, and we thought we might as well finish the raspberries and +white currants. We kept some for Albert's uncle, of course, and they +were the best ones too; but when he came back he did not notice our +thoughtful unselfishness. + +He came in, and his face wore the look that means bed, and very likely +no supper. + +He spoke, and it was the calmness of white-hot iron, which is something +like the calmness of despair. He said: + +"You have done it again. What on earth possessed you to make a dam?" + +"We were being beavers," said H. O., in proud tones. He did not see as +we did where Albert's uncle's tone pointed to. + +"No doubt," said Albert's uncle, rubbing his hands through his hair. "No +doubt! no doubt! Well, my beavers, you may go and build dams with your +bolsters. Your dam stopped the stream; the clay you took for it left a +channel through which it has run down and ruined about seven pounds' +worth of freshly reaped barley. Luckily the farmer found it out in time +or you might have spoiled seventy pounds' worth. And you burned a bridge +yesterday." + +We said we were sorry. There was nothing else to say, only Alice added, +"We didn't _mean_ to be naughty." + +"Of course not," said Albert's uncle, "you never do. Oh, yes, I'll kiss +you--but it's bed and it's two hundred lines to-morrow, and the line +is--'Beware of Being Beavers and Burning Bridges. Dread Dams.' It will +be a capital exercise in capital B's and D's." + +We knew by that that, though annoyed, he was not furious; we went to +bed. + +I got jolly sick of capital B's and D's before sunset on the morrow. +That night, just as the others were falling asleep, Oswald said: + +"I say." + +"Well," retorted his brother. + +"There is one thing about it," Oswald went on, "it does show it was a +rattling good dam anyhow." + +And filled with this agreeable thought, the weary beavers (or explorers, +polar or otherwise) fell asleep. + + + + +THE HIGH-BORN BABE + + +It really was not such a bad baby--for a baby. Its face was round and +quite clean, which babies' faces are not always, as I dare say you know +by your own youthful relatives; and Dora said its cape was trimmed with +real lace, whatever that may be--I don't see myself how one kind of lace +can be realler than another. It was in a very swagger sort of +perambulator when we saw it; and the perambulator was standing quite by +itself in the lane that leads to the mill. + +"I wonder whose baby it is," Dora said. "Isn't it a darling, Alice?" + +Alice agreed to its being one, and said she thought it was most likely +the child of noble parents stolen by gipsies. + +"These two, as likely as not," Noël said. "Can't you see something +crime-like in the very way they're lying?" + +They were two tramps, and they were lying on the grass at the edge of +the lane on the shady side, fast asleep, only a very little further on +than where the Baby was. They were very ragged, and their snores did +have a sinister sound. + +"I expect they stole the titled heir at dead of night, and they've been +travelling hot-foot ever since, so now they're sleeping the sleep of +exhaustedness," Alice said. "What a heartrending scene when the +patrician mother wakes in the morning and finds the infant aristocrat +isn't in bed with his mamma." + +The Baby was fast asleep or else the girls would have kissed it. They +are strangely fond of kissing. The author never could see anything in it +himself. + +"If the gipsies _did_ steal it," Dora said, "perhaps they'd sell it to +us. I wonder what they'd take for it." + +"What could you do with it if you'd got it?" H. O. asked. + +"Why, adopt it, of course," Dora said. "I've often thought I should +enjoy adopting a baby. It would be a golden deed, too. We've hardly got +any in the book yet." + +"I should have thought there were enough of us," Dicky said. + +"Ah, but you're none of you babies," said Dora. + +"Unless you count H. O. as a baby: he behaves jolly like one sometimes." + +This was because of what had happened that morning when Dicky found H. +O. going fishing with a box of worms, and the box was the one Dicky +keeps his silver studs in, and the medal he got at school, and what is +left of his watch and chain. The box is lined with red velvet and it was +not nice afterwards. And then H. O. said Dicky had hurt him, and he was +a beastly bully, and he cried. We thought all this had been made up, +and were sorry to see it threaten to break out again. So Oswald said: + +"Oh, bother the Baby! Come along, do!" + +And the others came. + +We were going to the miller's with a message about some flour that +hadn't come, and about a sack of sharps for the pigs. + +After you go down the lane you come to a cloverfield, and then a +cornfield, and then another lane, and then it is the mill. It is a jolly +fine mill; in fact, it is two--water and wind ones--one of each +kind--with a house and farm buildings as well. I never saw a mill like +it, and I don't believe you have either. + +If we had been in a story-book the miller's wife would have taken us +into the neat sanded kitchen where the old oak settle was black with +time and rubbing, and dusted chairs for us--old brown Windsor +chairs--and given us each a glass of sweet-scented cowslip wine and a +thick slice of rich home-made cake. And there would have been fresh +roses in an old china bowl on the table. As it was, she asked us all +into the parlor and gave us Eiffel Tower lemonade and Marie biscuits. +The chairs in her parlor were "bent wood," and no flowers, except some +wax ones under a glass shade, but she was very kind, and we were very +much obliged to her. We got out to the miller, though, as soon as we +could; only Dora and Daisy stayed with her, and she talked to them about +her lodgers and about her relations in London. + +The miller is a MAN. He showed us all over the mills--both kinds--and +let us go right up into the very top of the wind-mill, and showed us how +the top moved round so that the sails could catch the wind, and the +great heaps of corn, some red and some yellow (the red is English +wheat), and the heaps slide down a little bit at a time into a square +hole and go down to the millstones. The corn makes a rustling, soft +noise that is very jolly--something like the noise of the sea--and you +can hear it through all the other mill noises. + +Then the miller let us go all over the water-mill. It is fairy palaces +inside a mill. Everything is powdered over white, like sugar on pancakes +when you are allowed to help yourself. And he opened a door and showed +us the great water-wheel working on slow and sure, like some great, +round dripping giant, Noël said, and then he asked us if we fished. + +"Yes," was our immediate reply. + +"Then why not try the mill-pool?" he said, and we replied politely; and +when he was gone to tell his man something, we owned to each other that +he was a trump. + +He did the thing thoroughly. He took us out and cut us ash saplings for +rods; he found us in lines and hooks, and several different sorts of +bait, including a handsome handful of meal-worms, which Oswald put loose +in his pocket. + +When it came to bait, Alice said she was going home with Dora and Daisy. +Girls are strange, mysterious, silly things. Alice always enjoys a rat +hunt until the rat is caught, but she hates fishing from beginning to +end. We boys have got to like it. We don't feel now as we did when we +turned off the water and stopped the competition of the competing +anglers. We had a grand day's fishing that day. I can't think what made +the miller so kind to us. Perhaps he felt a thrill of fellow-feeling in +his manly breast for his fellow-sportsmen, for he was a noble fisherman +himself. + +We had glorious sport--eight roach, six dace, three eels, seven perch, +and a young pike, but he was so very young the miller asked us to put +him back, and of course we did. + +"He'll live to bite another day," said the miller. + +The miller's wife gave us bread and cheese and more Eiffel Tower +lemonade, and we went home at last, a little damp, but full of +successful ambition, with our fish on a string. + +It had been a strikingly good time--one of those times that happen in +the country quite by themselves. Country people are much more friendly +than town people. I suppose they don't have to spread their friendly +feelings out over so many persons, so it's thicker, like a pound of +butter on one loaf is thicker than on a dozen. Friendliness in the +country is not scrape, like it is in London. Even Dicky and H. O. forgot +the affair of honor that had taken place in the morning. H. O. changed +rods with Dicky because H. O.'s was the best rod, and Dicky baited H. +O.'s hook for him, just like loving, unselfish brothers in Sunday-school +magazines. + +We were talking fishlikely as we went along down the lane and through +the cornfield and the cloverfield, and then we came to the other lane +where we had seen the Baby. The tramps were gone, and the perambulator +was gone, and, of course, the Baby was gone too. + +"I wonder if those gypsies _had_ stolen the Baby," Noël said, dreamily. +He had not fished much, but he had made a piece of poetry. It was this: + + "How I wish + I was a fish. + I would not look + At your hook, + But lie still and be cool + At the bottom of the pool. + And when you went to look + At your cruel hook, + You would not find me there, + So there!" + +"If they did steal the Baby," Noël went on, "they will be tracked by the +lordly perambulator. You can disguise a baby in rags and walnut juice, +but there isn't any disguise dark enough to conceal a perambulator's +person." + +"You might disguise it as a wheelbarrow," said Dicky. + +"Or cover it with leaves," said H. O., "like the robins." + +We told him to shut up and not gibber, but afterwards we had to own that +even a young brother may sometimes talk sense by accident. + +For we took the short cut home from the lane--it begins with a large gap +in the hedge and the grass and weeds trodden down by the hasty feet of +persons who were late for church and in too great a hurry to go round by +the road. Our house is next to the church, as I think I have said +before, some time. + +The short cut leads to a stile at the edge of a bit of wood (the +Parson's Shave, they call it, because it belongs to him). The wood has +not been shaved for some time, and it has grown out beyond the stile; +and here, among the hazels and chestnuts and young dog-wood bushes, we +saw something white. We felt it was our duty to investigate, even if the +white was only the under side of the tail of a dead rabbit caught in a +trap. It was not--it was part of the perambulator. I forgot whether I +said that the perambulator was enamelled white--not the kind of +enamelling you do at home with Aspinall's and the hairs of the brush +come out and it is gritty-looking, but smooth, like the handles of +ladies' very best lace parasols. And whoever had abandoned the helpless +perambulator in that lonely spot had done exactly as H. O. said, and +covered it with leaves, only they were green and some of them had +dropped off. + +The others were wild with excitement. Now or never, they thought, was a +chance to be real detectives. Oswald alone retained a calm exterior. It +was he who would not go straight to the police station. + +He said: "Let's try and ferret out something for ourselves before we +tell the police. They always have a clue directly they hear about the +finding of the body. And besides, we might as well let Alice be in +anything there is going. And besides, we haven't had our dinners yet." + +This argument of Oswald's was so strong and powerful--his arguments are +often that, as I dare say you have noticed--that the others agreed. It +was Oswald, too, who showed his artless brothers why they had much +better not take the deserted perambulator home with them. + +"The dead body, or whatever the clew is, is always left exactly as it is +found," he said, "till the police have seen it, and the coroner, and the +inquest, and the doctor, and the sorrowing relations. Besides, suppose +some one saw us with the beastly thing, and thought we had stolen it; +then they would say, '_What have you done with the Baby?_' and then +where should we be?" + +Oswald's brothers could not answer this question, but once more Oswald's +native eloquence and far-seeing discerningness conquered. + +"Anyway," Dicky said, "let's shove the derelict a little further under +cover." + +So we did. + +Then we went on home. Dinner was ready and so were Alice and Daisy, but +Dora was not there. + +"She's got a--well, she's not coming to dinner anyway," Alice said when +we asked. "She can tell you herself afterwards what it is she's got." + +Oswald thought it was headache, or pain in the temper, or in the +pinafore, so he said no more, but as soon as Mrs. Pettigrew had helped +us and left the room he began the thrilling tale of the forsaken +perambulator. He told it with the greatest thrillingness any one could +have, but Daisy and Alice seemed almost unmoved. Alice said: + +"Yes, very strange," and things like that, but both the girls seemed to +be thinking of something else. They kept looking at each other and +trying not to laugh, so Oswald saw they had got some silly secret, and +he said: + +"Oh, all right! I don't care about telling you. I only thought you'd +like to be in it. It's going to be a real big thing, with policemen in +it, and perhaps a judge." + +"In what?" H. O. said; "the perambulator?" + +Daisy choked and then tried to drink, and spluttered and got purple, and +had to be thumped on the back. But Oswald was not appeased. When Alice +said, "Do go on, Oswald. I'm sure we all like it very much," he said: + +"Oh no, thank you," very politely. "As it happens," he went on, "I'd +just as soon go through with this thing without having any girls in it." + +"In the perambulator?" said H. O. again. + +"It's a man's job," Oswald went on, without taking any notice of H. O. + +"Do you really think so," said Alice, "when there's a baby in it?" + +"But there isn't," said H. O., "if you mean in the perambulator." + +"Blow you and your perambulator," said Oswald, with gloomy forbearance. + +Alice kicked Oswald under the table and said: + +"Don't be waxy, Oswald. Really and truly Daisy and I _have_ got a +secret, only it's Dora's secret, and she wants to tell you herself. If +it was mine or Daisy's we'd tell you this minute, wouldn't we, Mouse?" + +"This very second," said the White Mouse. + +And Oswald consented to take their apologies. + +Then the pudding came in, and no more was said except asking for things +to be passed--sugar and water, and bread and things. + +Then, when the pudding was all gone, Alice said: + +"Come on." + +And we came on. We did not want to be disagreeable, though really we +were keen on being detectives and sifting that perambulator to the very +dregs. But boys have to try to take an interest in their sisters' +secrets, however silly. This is part of being a good brother. + +Alice led us across the field where the sheep once fell into the brook, +and across the brook by the plank. At the other end of the next field +there was a sort of wooden house on wheels, that the shepherd sleeps in +at the time of year when lambs are being born, so that he can see that +they are not stolen by gypsies before the owners have counted them. + +To this hut Alice now led her kind brothers and Daisy's kind brother. + +"Dora is inside," she said, "with the Secret. We were afraid to have it +in the house in case it made a noise." + +The next moment the Secret was a secret no longer, for we all beheld +Dora, sitting on a sack on the floor of the hut, with the Secret in her +lap. + +It was the High-born Babe! + +Oswald was so overcome that he sat down suddenly, just like Betsy +Trotwood did in _David Copperfield_, which just shows what a true author +Dickens is. + +"You've done it this time," he said. "I suppose you know you're a +baby-stealer?" + +"I'm not," Dora said. "I've adopted him." + +"Then it was you," Dicky said, "who scuttled the perambulator in the +wood?" + +"Yes," Alice said; "we couldn't get it over the stile unless Dora put +down the Baby, and we were afraid of the nettles for his legs. His name +is to be Lord Edward." + +"But, Dora--really, don't you think--" + +"If you'd been there you'd have done the same," said Dora, firmly. "The +gypsies had gone. Of course something had frightened them, and they fled +from justice. And the little darling was awake and held out his arms to +me. No, he hasn't cried a bit, and I know all about babies; I've often +nursed Mrs. Simpkins's daughter's baby when she brings it up on Sundays. +They have bread and milk to eat. You take him, Alice, and I'll go and +get some bread and milk for him." + +Alice took the noble brat. It was horribly lively, and squirmed about in +her arms, and wanted to crawl on the floor. She could only keep it quiet +by saying things to it a boy would be ashamed even to think of saying, +such as "Goo goo," and "Did ums was," and "Ickle ducksums then." + +When Alice used these expressions the Baby laughed and chuckled and +replied: + +"Daddadda," "Bababa," or "Glueglue." + +But if Alice stopped her remarks for an instant the thing screwed its +face up as if it was going to cry, but she never gave it time to begin. + +It was a rummy little animal. + +Then Dora came back with the bread and milk, and they fed the noble +infant. It was greedy and slobbery, but all three girls seemed unable to +keep their eyes and hands off it. They looked at it exactly as if it was +pretty. + +We boys stayed watching them. There was no amusement left for us now, +for Oswald saw that Dora's Secret knocked the bottom out of the +perambulator. + +When the infant aristocrat had eaten a hearty meal it sat on Alice's lap +and played with the amber heart she wears that Albert's uncle brought +her from Hastings after the business of the bad sixpence and the +nobleness of Oswald. + +"Now," said Dora, "this is a council, so I want to be business-like. The +Duckums Darling has been stolen away; its wicked stealers have deserted +the Precious. We've got it. Perhaps its ancestral halls are miles and +miles away. I vote we keep the little Lovey Duck till it's advertised +for." + +"If Albert's uncle lets you," said Dicky, darkly. + +"Oh, don't say 'you' like that," Dora said; "I want it to be all of our +baby. It will have five fathers and three mothers, and a grandfather and +a great Albert's uncle, and a great grand-uncle. I'm sure Albert's uncle +will let us keep it--at any rate till it's advertised for." + +"And suppose it never is," Noël said. + +"Then so much the better," said Dora, "the little Duckywux." + +She began kissing the baby again. Oswald, ever thoughtful, said: + +"Well, what about your dinner?" + +"Bother dinner!" Dora said--so like a girl. "Will you all agree to be +his fathers and mothers?" + +"Anything for a quiet life," said Dicky, and Oswald said: + +"Oh yes, if you like. But you'll see we sha'n't be allowed to keep it." + +"You talk as if he was rabbits or white rats," said Dora, "and he's +not--he's a little man, he is." + +"All right, he's no rabbit, but a man. Come on and get some grub, Dora," +rejoined the kind-hearted Oswald, and Dora did, with Oswald and the +other boys. Only Noël stayed with Alice. He really seemed to like the +baby. When I looked back he was standing on his head to amuse it, but +the baby did not seem to like him any better whichever end of him was +up. + +Dora went back to the shepherd's house on wheels directly she had had +her dinner. Mrs. Pettigrew was very cross about her not being in to it, +but she had kept her some mutton hot all the same. She is a decent sort. +And there were stewed prunes. We had some to keep Dora company. Then we +boys went fishing again in the moat, but we caught nothing. + +Just before tea-time we all went back to the hut, and before we got half +across the last field we could hear the howling of the Secret. + +"Poor little beggar," said Oswald, with manly tenderness. "They must be +sticking pins in it." + +We found the girls and Noël looking quite pale and breathless. Daisy was +walking up and down with the Secret in her arms. It looked like Alice in +Wonderland nursing the baby that turned into a pig. Oswald said so, and +added that its screams were like it too. + +"What on earth is the matter with it?" he said. + +"_I_ don't know," said Alice. "Daisy's tired, and Dora and I are quite +worn out. He's been crying for hours and hours. _You_ take him a bit." + +"Not me," replied Oswald, firmly, withdrawing a pace from the Secret. + +Dora was fumbling with her waistband in the furthest corner of the hut. + +"I think he's cold," she said. "I thought I'd take off my flannelette +petticoat, only the horrid strings got into a hard knot. Here, Oswald, +let's have your knife." + +With the word she plunged her hand into Oswald's jacket pocket, and next +moment she was rubbing her hand like mad on her dress, and screaming +almost as loud as the Baby. Then she began to laugh and to cry at the +same time. This is called hysterics. + +[Illustration: "FOUND HIMSELF THE DEGRADED NURSE-MAID OF A SMALL BUT +FURIOUS KID"] + +Oswald was sorry, but he was annoyed too. He had forgotten that his +pocket was half full of the meal-worms the miller had kindly given him. +And, anyway, Dora ought to have known that a man always carries his +knife in his trousers pocket and not in his jacket one. + +Alice and Daisy rushed to Dora. She had thrown herself down on the pile +of sacks in the corner. The titled infant delayed its screams for a +moment to listen to Dora's, but almost at once it went on again. + +"Oh, get some water!" said Alice. "Daisy, run!" + +The White Mouse, ever docile and obedient, shoved the baby into the arms +of the nearest person, who had to take it or it would have fallen a +wreck to the ground. This nearest person was Oswald. He tried to pass it +on to the others, but they wouldn't. Noël would have, but he was busy +kissing Dora and begging her not to. + +So our hero, for such I may perhaps term him, found himself the degraded +nursemaid of a small but furious kid. + +He was afraid to lay it down, for fear in its rage it should beat its +brains out against the hard earth, and he did not wish, however +innocently, to be the cause of its hurting itself at all. So he walked +earnestly up and down with it, thumping it unceasingly on the back, +while the others attended to Dora, who presently ceased to yell. + +Suddenly it struck Oswald that the High-born also had ceased to yell. He +looked at it, and could hardly believe the glad tidings of his faithful +eyes. With bated breath he hastened back to the sheep-house. + +The others turned on him, full of reproaches about the meal-worms and +Dora, but he answered without anger. + +"Shut up," he said, in a whisper of imperial command. "Can't you see +it's _gone to sleep_?" + + * * * * * + +As exhausted as if they had all taken part in all the events of a very +long Athletic Sports, the youthful Bastables and their friends dragged +their weary limbs back across the fields. Oswald was compelled to go on +holding the titled infant, for fear it should wake up if it changed +hands, and begin to yell again. Dora's flannelette petticoat had been +got off somehow--how I do not seek to inquire--and the Secret was +covered with it. The others surrounded Oswald as much as possible, with +a view to concealment if we met Mrs. Pettigrew. But the coast was clear. +Oswald took the Secret up into his bedroom. Mrs. Pettigrew doesn't come +there much; it's too many stairs. + +With breathless precaution Oswald laid it down on his bed. It sighed, +but did not wake. Then we took it in turns to sit by it and see that it +did not get up and fling itself out of bed, which, in one of its furious +fits, it would just as soon have done as not. + +We expected Albert's uncle every minute. + +At last we heard the gate, but he did not come in, so we looked out and +saw that there he was talking to a distracted-looking man on a piebald +horse--one of the miller's horses. + +A shiver of doubt coursed through our veins. We could not remember +having done anything wrong at the miller's. But you never know. And it +seemed strange his sending a man up on his own horse. But when we had +looked a bit longer our fears went down and our curiosity got up. For we +saw that the distracted one was a gentleman. + +Presently he rode off, and Albert's uncle came in. A deputation met him +at the door--all the boys and Dora, because the baby was her idea. + +"We've found something," Dora said, "and we want to know whether we may +keep it." + +The rest of us said nothing. We were not so very extra anxious to keep +it after we had heard how much and how long it could howl. Even Noël had +said he had no idea a baby could yell like it. Dora said it only cried +because it was sleepy, but we reflected that it would certainly be +sleepy once a day, if not oftener. + +"What is it?" said Albert's uncle. "Let's see this treasure-trove. Is it +a wild beast?" + +"Come and see," said Dora, and we led him to our room. + +Alice turned down the pink flannelette petticoat with silly pride, and +showed the youthful heir fatly and pinkly sleeping. + +"A baby!" said Albert's uncle. "_The_ Baby! Oh, my cat's alive!" + +That is an expression which he uses to express despair unmixed with +anger. + +"Where did you?--but that doesn't matter. We'll talk of this later." + +He rushed from the room, and in a moment or two we saw him mount his +bicycle and ride off. + +Quite shortly he returned with the distracted horseman. + +It was _his_ baby, and not titled at all. The horseman and his wife were +the lodgers at the mill. The nursemaid was a girl from the village. + +She _said_ she only left the Baby five minutes while she went to speak +to her sweetheart, who was gardener at the Red House. But _we_ knew she +left it over an hour, and nearly two. + +I never saw any one so pleased as the distracted horseman. + +When we were asked we explained about having thought the Baby was the +prey of gypsies, and the distracted horseman stood hugging the Baby, and +actually thanked us. + +But when he had gone we had a brief lecture on minding our own business. +But Dora still thinks she was right. As for Oswald and most of the +others, they agreed that they would rather mind their own business all +their lives than mind a baby for a single hour. + +If you have never had to do with a baby in the frenzied throes of +sleepiness you can have no idea what its screams are like. + +If you have been through such a scene you will understand how we +managed to bear up under having no baby to adopt. + +Oswald insisted on having the whole thing written in the Golden Deed +book. Of course his share could not be put in without telling about +Dora's generous adopting of the forlorn infant outcast, and Oswald could +not and cannot forget that he was the one who did get that baby to +sleep. + +What a time Mr. and Mrs. Distracted Horseman must have of it, +though--especially now they've sacked the nursemaid. + +If Oswald is ever married--I suppose he must be some day--he will have +ten nurses to each baby. Eight is not enough. We know that because we +tried, and the whole eight of us were not enough for the needs of that +deserted infant, who was not so extra high-born after all. + + + + +HUNTING THE FOX + + +It is idle to expect every one to know everything in the world without +being told. If we had been brought up in the country we should have +known that it is not done--to hunt the fox in August. But in the +Lewisham Road the most observing boy does not notice the dates when it +is proper to hunt foxes. + +And there are some things you cannot bear to think that anybody would +think you would do; that is why I wish to say plainly at the very +beginning that none of us would have shot a fox on purpose even to save +our skins. Of course, if a man were at bay in a cave, and had to defend +girls from the simulaerous attack of a herd of savage foxes it would be +different. A man is bound to protect girls and take care of them--they +can jolly well take care of themselves really it seems to me--still, +this is what Albert's uncle calls one of the "rules of the game," so we +are bound to defend them and fight for them to the death, if needful. + +Denny knows a quotation which says: + + "What dire offence from harmless causes springs, + What mighty contests rise from trefoil things." + +He says this means that all great events come from three +things--three-fold, like the clover or trefoil, and the causes are +always harmless. Trefoil is short for three-fold. + +There were certainty three things that led up to the adventure which is +now going to be told you. The first was our Indian uncle coming down to +the country to see us. The second was Denny's tooth. The third was only +our wanting to go hunting; but if you count it in it makes the thing +about the trefoil come right. And all these causes were harmless. + +It is a flattering thing to say, and it was not Oswald who said it, but +Dora. She said she was certain our uncle missed us, and that he felt he +could no longer live without seeing his dear ones (that was us). + +Anyway, he came down, without warning, which is one of the few bad +habits that excellent Indian man has, and this habit has ended in +unpleasantness more than once, as when we played Jungles. + +However, this time it was all right. He came on rather a dull kind of +day, when no one had thought of anything particularly amusing to do. So +that, as it happened to be dinner-time and we had just washed our hands +and faces, we were all spotlessly clean (compared with what we are +sometimes, I mean, of course). + +We were just sitting down to dinner, and Albert's uncle was just +plunging the knife into the hot heart of the steak pudding, when there +was the rumble of wheels, and the station fly stopped at the garden +gate. And in the fly, sitting very upright, with his hands on his knees, +was our Indian relative so much beloved. He looked very smart, with a +rose in his buttonhole. How different from what he looked in other days +when he helped us to pretend that our currant pudding was a wild boar we +were killing with our forks. Yet, though tidier, his heart still beat +kind and true. You should not judge people harshly because their clothes +are tidy. He had dinner with us, and then we showed him round the place, +and told him everything we thought he would like to hear, and about the +Tower of Mystery, and he said: + +"It makes my blood boil to think of it." + +Noël said he was sorry for that, because everyone else we had told it to +had owned, when we asked them, that it froze their blood. + +"Ah," said the Uncle, "but in India we learn how to freeze our blood and +boil it at the same time." + +In those hot longitudes, perhaps, the blood is always near boiling +point, which accounts for Indian tempers, though not for the curry and +pepper they eat. But I must not wander; there is no curry at all in this +story. About temper I will not say. + +The Uncle let us all go with him to the station when the fly came back +for him; and when we said good-bye he tipped us all half a quid, without +any insidious distinctions about age or considering whether you were a +boy or a girl. Our Indian uncle is a true-born Briton, with no nonsense +about him. + +We cheered him like one man as the train went off, and then we offered +the fly-driver a shilling to take us back to the four cross-roads, and +the grateful creature did it for nothing because, he said, the gent had +tipped him something like. How scarce is true gratitude! So we cheered +the driver too for this rare virtue, and then went home to talk about +what we should do with our money. + +I cannot tell you all that we did with it, because money melts away +"like snow-wreaths in thaw-jean," as Denny says, and somehow the more +you have the more quickly it melts. We all went into Maidstone, and came +back with the most beautiful lot of brown paper parcels, with things +inside that supplied long-felt wants. But none of them belong to this +narration, except what Oswald and Denny clubbed to buy. + +This was a pistol, and it took all the money they both had, but when +Oswald felt the uncomfortable inside sensation that reminds you who it +is and his money that are soon parted he said to himself: + +"I don't care. We ought to have a pistol in the house, and one that will +go off, too--not those rotten flint-locks. Suppose there should be +burglars and us totally unarmed?" + +We took it in turns to have the pistol, and we decided always to +practise with it far from the house, so as not to frighten the +grown-ups, who are always much nervouser about firearms than we are. + +It was Denny's idea getting it; and Oswald owns it surprised him, but +the boy was much changed in his character. We got it while the others +were grubbing at the pastry-cook's in the High Street, and we said +nothing till after tea, though it was hard not to fire at the birds on +the telegraph wires as we came home in the train. + +After tea we called a council in the straw-loft, and Oswald said: + +"Denny and I have got a secret." + +"I know what it is," Dicky said, contemptibly. "You've found out that +shop in Maidstone where peppermint rock is four ounces a penny. H. O. +and I found it out before you did." + +Oswald said, "You shut up. If you don't want to hear the secret you'd +better bunk. I'm going to administer the secret oath." + +This is a very solemn oath, and only used about real things, and never +for pretending ones, so Dicky said: + +"Oh, all right; go ahead! I thought you were only rotting." + +So they all took the secret oath. Noël made it up long before, when he +had found the first thrush's nest we ever saw in the Blackheath garden: + + "I will not tell, I will not reveal, + I will not touch, or try to steal; + And may I be called a beastly sneak, + If this great secret I ever repeat." + +It is a little wrong about the poetry, but it is a very binding promise. +They all repeated it, down to H. O. + +"Now then," Dicky said, "what's up?" + +Oswald, in proud silence, drew the pistol from his breast and held it +out, and there was a murmur of awful amazement and respect from every +one of the council. The pistol was not loaded, so we let even the girls +have it to look at. + +And then Dicky said, "Let's go hunting." + +And we decided that we would. H. O. wanted to go down to the village and +get penny horns at the shop for the huntsmen to wind, like in the song, +but we thought it would be more modest not to wind horns or anything +noisy, at any rate not until we had run down our prey. But his talking +of the song made us decided that it was the fox we wanted to hunt. We +had not been particular which animal we hunted before that. + +Oswald let Denny have first go with the pistol, and when we went to bed +he slept with it under his pillow, but not loaded, for fear he should +have a nightmare and draw his fell weapon before he was properly awake. + +Oswald let Denny have it, because Denny had toothache, and a pistol is +consoling though it does not actually stop the pain of the tooth. The +toothache got worse, and Albert's uncle looked at it, and said it was +very loose, and Denny owned he had tried to crack a peach-stone with it. +Which accounts. He had creosote and camphor, and went to bed early, with +his tooth tied up in red flannel. + +Oswald knows it is right to be very kind when people are ill, and he +forebore to wake the sufferer next morning by buzzing a pillow at him, +as he generally does. He got up and went over to shake the invalid, but +the bird had flown and the nest was cold. The pistol was not in the nest +either, but Oswald found it afterwards under the looking-glass on the +dressing-table. He had just awakened the others (with a hair-brush +because they had not got anything the matter with their teeth), when he +heard wheels, and, looking out, beheld Denny and Albert's uncle being +driven from the door in the farmer's high cart with the red wheels. + +We dressed extra quick, so as to get down-stairs to the bottom of the +mystery. And we found a note from Albert's uncle. It was addressed to +Dora, and said: + + "Denny's toothache got him up in the small hours. He's off + to the dentist to have it out with him, man to man. Home to + dinner." + +Dora said, "Denny's gone to the dentist." + +"I expect it's a relation," H. O. said. "Denny must be short for +Dentist." + +I suppose he was trying to be funny--he really does try very hard. He +wants to be a clown when he grows up. The others laughed. + +"I wonder," Dicky said, "whether he'll get a shilling or half-a-crown +for it." + +Oswald had been meditating in gloomy silence, now he cheered up and +said: + +"Of course! I'd forgotten that. He'll get his tooth money, and the drive +too. So it's quite fair for us to have the fox-hunt while he's gone. I +was thinking we should have to put it off." + +The others agreed that it would not be unfair. + +"We can have another one another time if he wants to," Oswald said. + +We know foxes are hunted in red coats and on horseback--but we could not +do this--but H. O. had the old red football jersey that was Albert's +uncle's when he was at Loretto. He was pleased. + +"But I do wish we'd had horns," he said, grievingly. "I should have +liked to wind the horn." + +"We can pretend horns," Dora said; but he answered, "I didn't want to +pretend. I wanted to wind something." + +"Wind your watch," Dicky said. And that was unkind, because we all know +H. O.'s watch is broken, and when you wind it, it only rattles inside +without going in the least. + +We did not bother to dress up much for the hunting expedition--just +cocked hats and lath swords; and we tied a card on to H. O.'s chest with +"Moat House Fox-Hunters" on it; and we tied red flannel round all the +dogs' necks to show they were fox-hounds. Yet it did not seem to show it +plainly; somehow it made them look as if they were not fox-hounds, but +their own natural breeds--only with sore throats. + +Oswald slipped the pistol and a few cartridges into his pocket. He knew, +of course, that foxes are not shot; but as he said: + +"Who knows whether we may not meet a bear or a crocodile." + +We set off gayly. Across the orchard and through two cornfields, and +along the hedge of another field, and so we got into the wood, through a +gap we had happened to make a day or two before, playing "follow my +leader." + +The wood was very quiet and green; the dogs were happy and most busy. +Once Pincher started a rabbit. We said, "View Halloo!" and immediately +started in pursuit; but the rabbit went and hid, so that even Pincher +could not find him, and we went on. But we saw no foxes. + +So at last we made Dicky be a fox, and chased him down the green rides. +A wide walk in a wood is called a ride, even if people never do anything +but walk in it. + +We had only three hounds--Lady, Pincher, and Martha--so we joined the +glad throng and were being hounds as hard as we could, when we suddenly +came barking round a corner in full chase and stopped short, for we saw +that our fox had stayed his hasty flight. The fox was stooping over +something reddish that lay beside the path, and he said: + +"I say, look here!" in tones that thrilled us throughout. + +Our fox--whom we must now call Dicky, so as not to muddle the +narration--pointed to the reddy thing that the dogs were sniffing at. + +"It's a real live fox," he said. And so it was. At least it was +real--only it was quite dead--and when Oswald lifted it up its head was +bleeding. It had evidently been shot through the brain and expired +instantly. Oswald explained this to the girls when they began to cry at +the sight of the poor beast; I do not say he did not feel a bit sorry +himself. + +The fox was cold, but its fur was so pretty, and its tail and its little +feet. Dicky strung the dogs on the leash; they were so much interested +we thought it was better. + +"It does seem horrid to think it'll never see again out of its poor +little eyes" Dora said, blowing her nose. + +"And never run about through the wood again; lend me your hanky, Dora," +said Alice. + +"And never be hunted or get into a hen-roost or a trap or anything +exciting, poor little thing," said Dicky. + +The girls began to pick green chestnut leaves to cover up the poor fox's +fatal wound, and Noël began to walk up and down making faces, the way he +always does when he's making poetry. He cannot make one without the +other. It works both ways, which is a comfort. + +"What are we going to do now?" H. O. said; "the huntsman ought to cut +off its tail, I'm quite certain. Only, I've broken the big blade of my +knife, and the other never was any good." + +The girls gave H. O. a shove, and even Oswald said, "Shut up." For +somehow we all felt we did not want to play fox-hunting any more that +day. When his deadly wound was covered the fox hardly looked dead at +all. + +"Oh, I wish it wasn't true!" Alice said. + +Daisy had been crying all the time, and now she said, "I should like to +pray God to make it not true." + +But Dora kissed her, and told her that was no good--only she might pray +God to take care of the fox's poor little babies, if it had had any, +which I believe she has done ever since. + +"If only we could wake up and find it was a horrid dream," Alice said. +It seems silly that we should have cared so much when we had really set +out to hunt foxes with dogs, but it is true. The fox's feet looked so +helpless. And there was a dusty mark on its side that I know would not +had been there if it had been alive and able to wash itself. + +Noël now said, "This is the piece of poetry: + + "Here lies poor Reynard who is slain, + He will not come to life again. + I never will the huntsman's horn + Wind since the day that I was born + Until the day I die. + For I don't like hunting, and this is why." + +"Let's have a funeral," said H. O. This pleased everybody, and we got +Dora to take off her petticoat to wrap the fox in, so that we could +carry it to our garden and bury it without bloodying our jackets. Girls' +clothes are silly in one way, but I think they are useful too. A boy +cannot take off more than his jacket and waistcoat in any emergency, or +he is at once entirely undressed. But I have known Dora take off two +petticoats for useful purposes and look just the same outside +afterwards. + +We boys took it turns to carry the fox. It was very heavy. + +When we got near the edge of the wood Noël said: + +"It would be better to bury it here, where the leaves can talk funeral +songs over its grave forever, and the other foxes can come and cry if +they want to." He dumped the fox down on the moss under a young oak-tree +as he spoke. + +"If Dicky fetched the spade and fork we could bury it here, and then he +could tie up the dogs at the same time." + +"You're sick of carrying it," Dicky remarked, "that's what it is." But +he went on condition the rest of us boys went too. + +While we were gone the girls dragged the fox to the edge of the wood; it +was a different edge to the one we went in by--close to a lane--and +while they waited for the digging or fatigue party to come back, they +collected a lot of moss and green things to make the fox's long home +soft for it to lie in. There are no flowers in the woods in August, +which is a pity. + +When we got back with the spade and fork we dug a hole to bury the fox +in. We did not bring the dogs back, because they were too interested in +the funeral to behave with real, respectable calmness. + +The ground was loose and soft and easy to dig when we had scraped away +the broken bits of sticks and the dead leaves and the wild +honey-suckle; Oswald used the fork and Dicky had the spade. Noël made +faces and poetry--he was struck so that morning--and the girls sat +stroking the clean parts of the fox's fur till the grave was deep +enough. At last it was; then Daisy threw in the leaves and grass, and +Alice and Dora took the poor dead fox by his two ends, and we helped to +put him in the grave. We could not lower him slowly--he was dropped in, +really. Then we covered the furry body with leaves, and Noël said the +Burial Ode he had made up. He says this was it, but it sounds better now +than it did then, so I think he must have done something to it since: + + +THE FOX'S BURIAL ODE + + "Dear Fox, sleep here, and do not wake. + We picked these leaves for your sake. + You must not try to rise or move, + We give you this grave with our love. + Close by the wood where once you grew + Your mourning friends have buried you. + If you had lived you'd not have been + (Been proper friends with us, I mean), + But now you're laid upon the shelf, + Poor fox, you cannot help yourself, + So, as I say, we are your loving friends + And here your Burial Ode, dear Foxy, ends. + _P.S._--When in the moonlight bright + The foxes wander of a night, + They'll pass your grave and fondly think of you, + Exactly like we mean to always do. + So now, dear fox, adieu! + Your friends are few + But true + To you. + Adieu!" + +When this had been said we filled in the grave and covered the top of it +with dry leaves and sticks to make it look like the rest of the wood. +People might think it was treasure, and dig it up, if they thought there +was anything buried there, and we wished the poor fox to sleep sound and +not to be disturbed. + +The interring was over. We folded up Dora's blood-stained pink cotton +petticoat, and turned to leave the sad spot. + +We had not gone a dozen yards down the lane when we heard footsteps and +a whistle behind us, and a scrabbling and whining, and a gentleman with +two fox-terriers had called a halt just by the place where we had laid +low the "little red rover." + +The gentleman stood in the lane, but the dogs were digging--we could see +their tails wagging and see the dust fly. And we _saw where_. We ran +back. + +"Oh, please, do stop your dogs digging there!" Alice said. + +The gentleman said "Why?" + +"Because we've just had a funeral, and that's the grave." + +The gentleman whistled, but the fox-terriers were not trained like +Pincher, who was brought up by Oswald. The gentleman took a stride +through the hedge gap. + +"What have you been burying--a pet dicky bird, eh?" said the gentleman, +kindly. He had riding breeches and white whiskers. + +We did not answer, because now, for the first time, it came over all of +us, in a rush of blushes and uncomfortableness, that burying a fox is a +suspicious act. I don't know why we felt this, but we did. + +Noël said, dreamily: + + "We found his murdered body in the wood, + And dug a grave by which the mourners stood." + +But no one heard him except Oswald, because Alice and Dora and Daisy +were all jumping about with the jumps of unstrained anguish, and saying, +"Oh, call them off! Do! do!--oh, don't, don't! Don't let them dig!" + +Alas! Oswald was, as usual, right. The ground of the grave had not been +trampled down hard enough, and he had said so plainly at the time, but +his prudent counsels had been over-ruled. Now these busy-bodying, +meddling, mischief-making fox-terriers (how different from Pincher, who +minds his own business unless told otherwise) had scratched away the +earth and laid bare the reddish tip of the poor corpse's tail. + +We all turned to go without a word, it seemed to be no use staying any +longer. + +But in a moment the gentleman with the whiskers had got Noël and Dicky +each by an ear--they were nearest him. H. O. hid in the hedge. Oswald, +to whose noble breast sneakishness is, I am thankful to say, a stranger, +would have scorned to escape, but he ordered his sisters to bunk in a +tone of command which made refusal impossible. + +[Illustration: "'WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?'"] + +"And bunk sharp, too," he added sternly. "Cut along home." + +So they cut. + +The white-whiskered gentleman now encouraged his mangy fox-terriers, by +every means at his command, to continue their vile and degrading +occupation; holding on all the time to the ears of Dicky and Noël, who +scorned to ask for mercy. Dicky got purple and Noël got white. It was +Oswald who said: + +"Don't hang on to them, sir. We won't cut. I give you my word of honor." + +"_Your_ word of honor," said the gentleman, in tones for which, in +happier days, when people drew their bright blades and fought duels, I +would have had his heart's dearest blood. But now Oswald remained calm +and polite as ever. + +"Yes, on my honor," he said, and the gentleman dropped the ears of +Oswald's brothers at the sound of his firm, unserving tones. He dropped +the ears and pulled out the body of the fox and held it up. The dogs +jumped up and yelled. + +"Now," he said, "you talk very big about words of honor. Can you speak +the truth?" + +Dicky said, "If you think we shot it, you're wrong. We know better than +that." + +The white-whiskered one turned suddenly to H. O. and pulled him out of +the hedge. + +"And what does that mean?" he said, and he was pink with fury to the +ends of his large ears, as he pointed to the card on H. O.'s breast, +which said, "Moat House Fox-Hunters." + +Then Oswald said, "We _were_ playing at fox-hunting, but we couldn't +find anything but a rabbit that hid, so my brother was being the fox, +and then we found the fox shot dead, and I don't know who did it; and we +were sorry for it and we buried it--and that's all." + +"Not quite," said the riding-breeches gentleman, with what I think you +call a bitter smile, "not quite. This is my land, and I'll have you up +for trespass and damage. Come along now, no nonsense! I'm a magistrate +and I'm Master of the Hounds. A vixen, too! What did you shoot her with? +You're too young to have a gun. Sneaked your father's revolver, I +suppose?" + +Oswald thought it was better to be goldenly silent. But it was vain. The +Master of the Hounds made him empty his pockets, and there was the +pistol and the cartridges. + +The magistrate laughed a harsh laugh of successful disagreeableness. + +"All right," said he, "where's your license? You come with me. A week or +two in prison." + +I don't believe now he could have done it, but we all thought then he +could and would, what's more. + +So H. O. began to cry, but Noël spoke up. His teeth were chattering, yet +he spoke up like a man. + +He said, "You don't know us. You've no right not to believe us till +you've found us out in a lie. We don't tell lies. You ask Albert's uncle +if we do." + +"Hold your tongue," said the White Whiskered. + +But Noël's blood was up. + +"If you do put us in prison without being sure," he said, trembling more +and more, "you are a horrible tyrant like Caligula, and Herod, or Nero, +and the Spanish Inquisition, and I will write a poem about it in prison, +and people will curse you forever." + +"Upon my word," said White Whiskers, "we'll see about that," and he +turned up the lane with the fox hanging from one hand and Noël's ear +once more reposing in the other. + +I thought Noël would cry or faint. But he bore up nobly--exactly like an +early Christian martyr. + +The rest of us came along too. I carried the spade and Dicky had the +fork, H. O. had the card, and Noël had the magistrate. At the end of the +lane there was Alice. She had bunked home, obeying the orders of her +thoughtful brother, but she had bottled back again like a shot, so as +not to be out of the scrape. She is almost worthy to be a boy for some +things. + +She spoke to Mr. Magistrate and said: + +"Where are you taking him?" + +The outraged majesty of the magistrate said, "To prison, you naughty +little girl." + +Alice said, "Noël will faint. Somebody once tried to take him to prison +before--about a dog. Do please come to our house and see our uncle--at +least he's not--but it's the same thing. We didn't kill the fox, if +that's what you think--indeed we didn't. Oh, dear, I do wish you'd think +of your own little boys and girls if you've got any, or else about when +you were little. You wouldn't be so horrid if you did." + +I don't know which, if either, of these objects the fox-hound master +thought of, but he said: + +"Well, lead on," and he let go Noël's ear and Alice snuggled up to Noël +and put her arm round him. + +It was a frightened procession, whose cheeks were pale with +alarm--except those between white whiskers, and they were red--that +wound in at our gate and into the hall, among the old oak furniture and +black and white marble floor and things. + +Dora and Daisy were at the door. The pink petticoat lay on the table, +all stained with the gore of the departed. Dora looked at us all, and +she saw that it was serious. She pulled out the big oak chair and said: + +"Won't you sit down?" very kindly to the white-whiskered magistrate. + +He grunted, but did as she said. + +Then he looked about him in a silence that was not comforting, and so +did we. + +At last he said: + +"Come, you didn't try to bolt. Speak the truth, and I'll say no more." + +We said we had. + +Then he laid the fox on the table, spreading out the petticoat under it, +and he took out a knife and the girls hid their faces. Even Oswald did +not care to look. Wounds in battle are all very well, but it's different +to see a dead fox cut into with a knife. + +Next moment the magistrate wiped something on his handkerchief and then +laid it on the table and put one of my cartridges beside it. It was the +bullet that had killed the fox. + +"Look here!" he said. And it was too true. The bullets were the same. + +A thrill of despair ran through Oswald. He knows now how a hero feels +when he is innocently accused of a crime and the judge is putting on the +black cap, and the evidence is convulsive and all human aid is despaired +of. + +"I can't help it," he said, "we didn't kill it, and that's all there is +to it." + +The white-whiskered magistrate may have been master of the fox-hounds, +but he was not master of his temper, which is more important, I should +think, than a lot of beastly dogs. + +He said several words which Oswald would never repeat, much less use in +his own conversing, and besides that he called us "obstinate little +beggars." + +Then suddenly Albert's uncle entered in the midst of a silence freighted +with despairing reflections. The M. F. H. got up and told his tale: it +was mainly lies, or, to be more polite, it was hardly any of it true, +though I suppose he believed it. + +"I am very sorry, sir," said Albert's uncle, looking at the bullets. +"You'll excuse my asking for the children's version?" + +"Oh, certainly, sir, certainly," fuming, the fox-hound magistrate +replied. + +Then Albert's uncle said, "Now, Oswald, I know I can trust you to speak +the exact truth." + +So Oswald did. + +Then the white-whiskered fox-master laid the bullets before Albert's +uncle, and I felt this would be a trial to his faith far worse than the +rack or the thumbscrew in the days of the Armada. + +And then Denny came in. He looked at the fox on the table. + +"You found it, then?" he said. + +The M. F. H. would have spoken, but Albert's uncle said, "One moment, +Denny; you've seen this fox before?" + +"Rather," said Denny; "I--" + +But Albert's uncle said, "Take time. Think before you speak and say the +exact truth. No, don't whisper to Oswald. This boy," he said to the +injured fox-master, "has been with me since seven this morning. His +tale, whatever it is, will be independent evidence." + +But Denny would not speak, though again and again Albert's uncle told +him to. + +"I can't till I've asked Oswald something," he said at last. + +White Whiskers said, "That looks bad--eh?" + +But Oswald said, "Don't whisper, old chap. Ask me whatever you like, but +speak up." + +So Denny said, "I can't without breaking the secret oath." + +So then Oswald began to see, and he said, "Break away for all you're +worth, it's all right." And Denny said, drawing relief's deepest +breath, "Well, then, Oswald and I have got a pistol--shares--and I had +it last night. And when I couldn't sleep last night because of the +toothache I got up and went out early this morning. And I took the +pistol. And I loaded it just for fun. And down in the wood I heard a +whining like a dog, and I went, and there was the poor fox caught in an +iron trap with teeth. And I went to let it out and it bit me--look, +here's the place--and the pistol went off and the fox died, and I am so +sorry." + +"But why didn't you tell the others?" + +"They weren't awake when I went to the dentist's." + +"But why didn't you tell your uncle if you've been with him all the +morning?" + +"It was the oath," H. O. said: + + "May I be called a beastly sneak + If this great secret I ever repeat." + +White Whiskers actually grinned. + +"Well," he said, "I see it was an accident, my boy." Then he turned to +us and said: + +"I owe you an apology for doubting your word--all of you. I hope it's +accepted." + +We said it was all right and he was to never mind. + +But all the same we hated him for it. He tried to make up for his +unbelievingness afterwards by asking Albert's uncle to shoot rabbits; +but we did not really forgive him till the day when he sent the fox's +brush to Alice, mounted in silver, with a note about her plucky conduct +in standing by her brothers. + + * * * * * + +We got a lecture about not playing with firearms, but no punishment, +because our conduct had not been exactly sinful, Albert's uncle said, +but merely silly. + +The pistol and the cartridges were confiscated. + +I hope the house will never be attacked by burglars. When it is, +Albert's uncle will only have himself to thank if we are rapidly +overpowered, because it will be his fault that we shall have to meet +them totally unarmed, and be their almost unresisting prey. + + + + +THE SALE OF ANTIQUITIES + + +It began one morning at breakfast. It was the fifteenth of August--the +birthday of Napoleon the Great, Oswald Bastable, and another very nice +writer. Oswald was to keep his birthday on the Saturday, so that his +father could be there. A birthday when there are only many happy returns +is a little like Sunday or Christmas Eve. Oswald had a birthday-card or +two--that was all; but he did not repine, because he knew they always +make it up to you for putting off keeping your birthday, and he looked +forward to Saturday. + +Albert's uncle had a whole stack of letters as usual, and presently he +tossed one over to Dora, and said, "What do you say, little lady? Shall +we let them come?" + +But Dora, butter-fingered as ever, missed the catch, and Dick and Noël +both had a try for it, so that the letter went into the place where the +bacon had been, and where now only a frozen-looking lake of bacon fat +was slowly hardening, and then somehow it got into the marmalade, and +then H. O. got it, and Dora said: + +"I don't want the nasty thing now--all grease and stickiness." So H. O. +read it aloud: + + "MAIDSTONE SOCIETY OF ANTIQUITIES AND FIELD CLUB, + + "_Aug. 14, 1900._ + + "DEAR SIR,--At a meeting of the--" + + +H. O. stuck fast here, and the writing was really very bad, like a +spider that has been in the inkpot crawling in a hurry over the paper +without stopping to rub its feet properly on the mat. So Oswald took the +letter. He is above minding a little marmalade or bacon. He began to +read. It ran thus: + +"It's not Antiquities, you little silly," he said; "it's _Antiquaries_." + +"The other's a very good word," said Albert's uncle, "and I never call +names at breakfast myself--it upsets the digestion, my egregious +Oswald." + +"That's a name though," said Alice, "and you got it out of 'Stalky,' +too. Go on, Oswald." + +So Oswald went on where he had been interrupted: + + "MAIDSTONE SOCIETY OF ANTIQUARIES AND FIELD CLUB, + + "_Aug. 14, 1900._ + + "DEAR SIR,--At a meeting of the Committee of this Society it + was agreed that a field day should be held on Aug. 20, when + the Society proposes to visit the interesting church of + Ivybridge and also the Roman remains in the vicinity. Our + president, Mr. Longchamps, F.R.S., has obtained permission + to open a barrow in the Three Trees pasture. We venture to + ask whether you would allow the members of the Society to + walk through your grounds and to inspect--from without, of + course--your beautiful house, which is, as you are doubtless + aware, of great historic interest, having been for some + years the residence of the celebrated Sir Thomas Wyatt.--I + am, dear Sir, yours faithfully, + + "EDWARD K. TURNBULL (_Hon. Sec._)." + +"Just so," said Albert's uncle; "well, shall we permit the eye of the +Maidstone Antiquities to profane these sacred solitudes, and the foot of +the Field Club to kick up a dust on our gravel?" + +"Our gravel is all grass," H. O. said. And the girls said, "Oh, do let +them come!" It was Alice who said: + +"Why not ask them to tea? They'll be very tired coming all the way from +Maidstone." + +"Would you really like it?" Albert's uncle asked. "I'm afraid they'll be +but dull dogs, the Antiquities, stuffy old gentlemen with amphoræ in +their button-holes instead of orchids, and pedigrees poking out of all +their pockets." + +We laughed--because we knew what an amphoræ is. If you don't you might +look it up in the dicker. It's not a flower, though it sounds like one +out of the gardening book, the kind you never hear of any one growing. + +Dora said she thought it would be splendid. + +"And we could have out the best china," she said, "and decorate the +table with flowers. We could have tea in the garden. We've never had a +party since we've been here." + +"I warn you that your guests may be boresome; however, have it your own +way," Albert's uncle said; and he went off to write the invitation to +tea to the Maidstone Antiquities. I know that is the wrong word--but +somehow we all used it whenever we spoke of them, which was often. + +In a day or two Albert's uncle came in to tea with a lightly clouded +brow. + +"You've let me in for a nice thing," he said. "I asked the Antiquities +to tea, and I asked casually how many we might expect. I thought we +might need at least the full dozen of the best teacups. Now the +secretary writes accepting my kind invitation--" + +"Oh, good!" we cried. "And how many are coming?" + +"Oh, only about sixty," was the groaning rejoinder. "Perhaps more, +should the weather be exceptionally favorable." + +Though stunned at first, we presently decided that we were pleased. We +had never, never given such a big party. + +The girls were allowed to help in the kitchen, where Mrs. Pettigrew made +cakes all day long without stopping. They did not let us boys be there, +though I cannot see any harm in putting your finger in a cake before it +is baked, and then licking your finger, if you are careful to put a +different finger in the cake next time. Cake before it is baked is +delicious--like a sort of cream. + +Albert's uncle said he was the prey of despair. He drove in to Maidstone +one day. When we asked him where he was going, he said: + +"To get my hair cut: if I keep it this length I shall certainly tear it +out by double handfuls in the extremity of my anguish every time I think +of those innumerable Antiquities." + +But we found out afterwards that he really went to borrow china and +things to give the Antiquities their tea out of; though he did have his +hair cut too, because he is the soul of truth and honor. + +Oswald had a very good sort of birthday, with bows and arrows as well as +other presents. I think these were meant to make up for the pistol that +was taken away after the adventure of the fox-hunting. These gave us +boys something to do between the birthday-keeping, which was on the +Saturday, and the Wednesday when the Antiquities were to come. + +We did not allow the girls to play with the bows and arrows, because +they had the cakes that we were cut off from: there was little or no +unpleasantness over this. + +On the Tuesday we went down to look at the Roman place where the +Antiquities were going to dig. We sat on the Roman wall and ate nuts. +And as we sat there, we saw coming through the beet-field two laborers +with picks and shovels, and a very young man with thin legs and a +bicycle. It turned out afterwards to be a free wheel, the first we had +ever seen. + +They stopped at a mound inside the Roman wall, and the men took their +coats off and spat on their hands. + +We went down at once, of course. The thin-legged bicyclist explained his +machine to us very fully and carefully when we asked him, and then we +saw the men were cutting turfs and turning them over and rolling them +up, and putting them in a heap. So we asked the gentleman with his thin +legs what they were doing. He said: + +"They are beginning the preliminary excavation in readiness for +to-morrow." + +"What's up to-morrow?" H. O. asked. + +"To-morrow we propose to open this barrow and examine it." + +"Then _you're_ the Antiquities," said H. O. + +"I'm the secretary," said the gentleman, smiling, but narrowly. + +"Oh, you're all coming to tea with us," Dora said, and added anxiously, +"how many of you do you think there'll be?" + +"Oh, not more than eighty or ninety, I should think," replied the +gentleman. + +This took our breath away and we went home. As we went, Oswald, who +notices many things that would pass unobserved by the light and +careless, saw Denny frowning hard. + +So he said, "What's up?" + +"I've got an idea," the Dentist said. "Let's call a council." The +Dentist had grown quite used to our ways now. We had called him Dentist +ever since the fox-hunt day. He called a council as if he had been used +to calling such things all his life, and having them come, too; whereas +we all know that his former existing was that of a white mouse in a +trap, with that cat of a Murdstone aunt watching him through the bars. + +(That is what is called a figure of speech. Albert's uncle told me.) + +Councils are held in the straw-loft. + +As soon as we were all there and the straw had stopped rustling after +our sitting down, Dicky said: + +"I hope it's nothing to do with the Wouldbegoods?" + +"No," said Denny in a hurry: "quite the opposite." + +"I hope it's nothing wrong," said Dora and Daisy together. + +"It's--it's 'Hail to thee, blithe spirit--bird thou never wert,'" said +Denny. "I mean, I think it's what is called a lark." + +"You never know your luck. Go on, Dentist," said Dick. + +"Well, then, do you know a book called _The Daisy Chain_?" + +We didn't. + +"It's by Miss Charlotte M. Yonge," Daisy interrupted, "and it's about a +family of poor motherless children who tried so hard to be good, and +they were confirmed, and had a bazaar, and went to church at the +Minster, and one of them got married and wore black watered silk and +silver ornaments. So her baby died, and then she was sorry she had not +been a good mother to it. And--" + +Here Dicky got up and said he'd got some snares to attend to, and he'd +receive a report of the Council after it was over. But he only got as +far as the trap-door, and then Oswald, the fleet of foot, closed with +him, and they rolled together on the floor--while all the others called +out "Come back! Come back!" like guinea-hens on a fence. + +Through the rustle and bustle and hustle of the struggle with Dicky, +Oswald heard the voice of Denny murmuring one of his everlasting +quotations: + + "'Come back, come back!' he cried in Greek, + 'Across the stormy water, + And I'll forgive your Highland cheek, + My daughter, O my daughter!'" + +When quiet was restored and Dicky had agreed to go through with the +Council, Denny said: + +"_The Daisy Chain_ is not a bit like that really. It's a ripping book. +One of the boys dresses up like a lady and comes to call, and another +tries to hit his little sister with a hoe. It's jolly fine, I tell you." + +Denny is learning to say what he thinks, just like other boys. He would +never have learned such words as "ripping" and "jolly fine" while under +the auntal tyranny. + +Since then I have read _The Daisy Chain_. It is a first-rate book for +girls and little boys. + +But we did not want to talk about _The Daisy Chain_ just then, so Oswald +said: + +"But what's your lark?" + +Denny got pale pink and said: + +"Don't hurry me. I'll tell you directly. Let me think a minute." + +Then he shut his pale pink eyelids a moment in thought, and then opened +them and stood up on the straw and said very fast: + +"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears, or if not ears, pots. +You know we've been told that they are going to open the barrow, to +look for Roman remains to-morrow. Don't you think it seems a pity they +shouldn't find any?" + +"Perhaps they will," Dora said. But Oswald _saw_, and he said, "Primus! +Go ahead, old man." + +The Dentist went ahead. + +"In _The Daisy Chain_," he said, "they dug in a Roman encampment, and +the children went first and put some pottery there they'd made +themselves, and Harry's old medal of the Duke of Wellington. The doctor +helped them to some stuff to partly efface the inscription, and all the +grown-ups were sold. I thought we might: + + "You may break, you may shatter + The vase if you will; + But the scent of the Romans + Will cling round it still." + +Denny sat down amid applause. It really was a great idea, at least for +_him_. It seemed to add just what was wanted to the visit of the +Maidstone Antiquities. To sell the Antiquities thoroughly would be +indeed splendiferous. Of course, Dora made haste to point out that we +had not got an old medal of the Duke of Wellington, and that we hadn't +any doctor who would "help us to stuff to efface," and etcetera; but we +sternly bade her stow it. We weren't going to do _exactly_ like those +_Daisy Chain_ kids. + +The pottery was easy. We had made a lot of it by the stream--which was +the Nile when we discovered its source--and dried it in the sun, and +then baked it under a bonfire, like in _Foul Play_. And most of the +things were such queer shapes that they would have done for almost +anything--Roman or Greek, or even Egyptian or antediluvian, or household +milk-jugs of the cave-men, Albert's uncle said. The pots were, +fortunately, quite ready and dirty, because we had already buried them +in mixed sand and river mud to improve the color, and not remembered to +wash it off. + +So the Council at once collected it all--and some rusty hinges and some +brass buttons and a file without a handle; and the girl Councillors +carried it all concealed in their pinafores, while the men members +carried digging tools. H. O. and Daisy were sent on ahead as scouts to +see if the coast was clear. We have learned the true usefulness of +scouts from reading about the Transvaal War. But all was still in the +hush of evening sunset on the Roman ruin. + +We posted sentries, who were to lie on their stomachs on the walls and +give a long, low, signifying whistle if aught approached. + +Then we dug a tunnel, like the one we once did after treasure, when we +happened to bury a boy. It took some time; but never shall it be said +that a Bastable grudged time or trouble when a lark was at stake. We put +the things in as naturally as we could, and shoved the dirt back, till +everything looked just as before. Then we went home, late for tea. But +it was in a good cause; and there was no hot toast, only +bread-and-butter, which does not get cold with waiting. + +That night Alice whispered to Oswald on the stairs, as we went up to +bed: + +"Meet me outside your door when the others are asleep. Hist! Not a +word." + +Oswald said, "No kid?" + +And she replied in the affirmation. + +So he kept awake by biting his tongue and pulling his hair--for he +shrinks from no pain if it is needful and right. + +And when the others all slept the sleep of innocent youth, he got up and +went out, and there was Alice dressed. + +She said, "I've found some broken things that look ever so much more +Roman--they were on top of the cupboard in the library. If you'll come +with me, we'll bury them--just to see how surprised the others will be." + +It was a wild and daring act, but Oswald did not mind. + +He said: + +"Wait half a shake." And he put on his knickerbockers and jacket, and +slipped a few peppermints into his pocket in case of catching cold. It +is these thoughtful expedients which mark the born explorer and +adventurer. + +It _was_ a little cold; but the white moonlight was very fair to see, +and we decided we'd do some other daring moonlight act some other day. +We got out of the front door, which is never locked till Albert's uncle +goes to bed at twelve or one, and we ran swiftly and silently across the +bridge and through the fields to the Roman ruin. + +Alice told me afterwards she should have been afraid if it had been +dark. But the moonlight made it as bright as day is in your dreams. + +Oswald had taken the spade and a sheet of newspaper. + +We did not take all the pots Alice had found--but just the two that +weren't broken--two crooked jugs, made of stuff like flower-pots are +made of. We made two long cuts with the spade and lifted the turf up and +scratched the earth under, and took it out very carefully in handfuls on +to the newspaper, till the hole was deepish. Then we put in the jugs, +and filled it up with earth and flattened the turf over. Turf stretches +like elastic. This we did a couple of yards from the place where the +mound was dug into by the men, and we had been so careful with the +newspaper that there was no loose earth about. + +Then we went home in the wet moonlight--at least, the grass was very +wet--chuckling through the peppermint, and got up to bed without any one +knowing a single thing about it. + +[Illustration: "THEN WE PUT IN THE JUGS AND FILLED IT UP WITH EARTH"] + +The next day the Antiquities came. It was a jolly hot day, and the +tables were spread under the trees on the lawn, like a large and very +grand Sunday-school treat. There were dozens of different kinds of cake, +and bread-and-butter, both white and brown, and gooseberries and plums +and jam sandwiches. And the girls decorated the tables with +flowers--blue larkspur and white canterbury bells. And at about three +there was a noise of people walking in the road, and presently the +Antiquities began to come in at the front gate, and stood about on the +lawn by twos and threes and sixes and sevens, looking shy and uncomfy, +exactly like a Sunday-school treat. Presently some gentlemen came, who +looked like the teachers; they were not shy, and they came right up to +the door. So Albert's uncle, who had not been too proud to be up in our +room with us watching the people on the lawn through the netting of our +short blinds, said: + +"I suppose that's the Committee. Come on!" + +So we all went down--we were in our Sunday things--and Albert's uncle +received the Committee like a feudal system baron, and we were his +retainers. + +He talked about dates, and king-posts and gables, and mullions, and +foundations, and records, and Sir Thomas Wyatt, and poetry, and Julius +Cæsar, and Roman remains, and lych-gates and churches, and dog's-tooth +moulding till the brain of Oswald reeled. I suppose that Albert's uncle +remarked that all our mouths were open, which is a sign of reels in the +brain, for he whispered: + +"Go hence, and mingle unsuspected with the crowd!" + +So we went out on to the lawn, which was now crowded with men and women +and one child. This was a girl; she was fat, and we tried to talk to +her, though we did not like her. (She was covered in red velvet like an +arm-chair.) But she wouldn't. We thought at first she was from a +deaf-and-dumb asylum, where her kind teachers had only managed to teach +the afflicted to say "Yes" and "No." But afterwards we knew better, for +Noël heard her say to her mother, "I wish you hadn't brought me, mamma. +I didn't have a pretty teacup, and I haven't enjoyed my tea one bit." +And she had had five pieces of cake, besides little cakes and nearly a +whole plate of plums, and there were only twelve pretty teacups +altogether. + +Several grown-ups talked to us in a most uninterested way, and then the +President read a paper about the Moat House, which we couldn't +understand, and other people made speeches we couldn't understand +either, except the part about kind hospitality, which made us not know +where to look. + +Then Dora and Alice and Daisy and Mrs. Pettigrew poured out the tea, and +we handed cups and plates. + +Albert's uncle took me behind a bush to see him tear what was left of +his hair when he found there were one hundred and twenty-three +Antiquities present, and I heard the President say to the Secretary that +"tea always fetched them." + +Then it was time for the Roman ruin, and our hearts beat high as we took +our hats--it was exactly like Sunday--and joined the crowded procession +of eager Antiquities. Many of them had umbrellas and overcoats, though +the weather was fiery and without a cloud. That is the sort of people +they were. The ladies all wore stiff bonnets, and no one took their +gloves off, though, of course, it was quite in the country, and it is +not wrong to take your gloves off there. + +We had planned to be quite close when the digging went on; but Albert's +uncle made us a mystic sign and drew us apart. + +Then he said: "The stalls and dress-circle are for the guests. The hosts +and hostesses retire to the gallery, whence, I am credibly informed, an +excellent view may be obtained." + +So we all went up on the Roman walls, and thus missed the cream of the +lark; for we could not exactly see what was happening. But we saw that +things were being taken from the ground as the men dug, and passed round +for the Antiquities to look at. And we knew they must be our Roman +remains: but the Antiquities did not seem to care for them much, though +we heard sounds of pleased laughter. And at last Alice and I exchanged +meaning glances when the spot was reached where we had put in the +extras. Then the crowd closed up thick, and we heard excited talk and we +knew we really _had_ sold the Antiquities this time. + +Presently the bonnets and coats began to spread out and trickle towards +the house, and we were aware that all would soon be over. So we cut home +the back way, just in time to hear the President saying to Albert's +uncle: + +"A genuine find--most interesting. Oh, really, you ought to have _one_. +Well, if you insist--" + +And so, by slow and dull degrees, the thick sprinkling of Antiquities +melted off the lawn; the party was over, and only the dirty teacups and +plates, and the trampled grass and the pleasures of memory were left. + +We had a very beautiful supper--out-of-doors, too--with jam sandwiches +and cake and things that were over; and as we watched the setting +monarch of the skies--I mean the sun--Alice said: + +"Let's tell." + +We let the Dentist tell, because it was he who hatched the lark, but we +helped him a little in the narrating of the fell plot, because he has +yet to learn how to tell a story straight from the beginning. + +When he had done, and we had done, Albert's uncle said, "Well, it amused +you; and you'll be glad to learn that it amused your friends the +Antiquities." + +"Didn't they think they were Roman?" Daisy said; "they did in _The Daisy +Chain_." + +"Not in the least," said Albert's uncle; "but the Treasurer and +Secretary were charmed by your ingenious preparations for their +reception." + +"We didn't want them to be disappointed," said Dora. + +"They weren't," said Albert's uncle. "Steady on with those plums, H. O. +A little way beyond the treasure you had prepared for them they found +two specimens of _real_ Roman pottery which sent every man-jack of them +home thanking his stars he had been born a happy little Antiquary +child." + +"Those were _our_ jugs," said Alice, "and we really _have_ sold the +Antiquities." She unfolded the tale about our getting the jugs and +burying them in the moonlight, and the mound; and the others listened +with deeply respectful interest. "We really have done it this time, +haven't we?" she added in tones of well-deserved triumph. + +But Oswald had noticed a queer look about Albert's uncle from almost the +beginning of Alice's recital; and he now had the sensation of something +being up, which has on other occasions frozen his noble blood. The +silence of Albert's uncle now froze it yet more Arcticly. + +"Haven't we?" repeated Alice, unconscious of what her sensitive +brother's delicate feelings had ahead got hold of. "We have done it this +time, haven't we?" + +"Since you ask me thus pointedly," answered Albert's uncle at last, "I +cannot but confess that I think you have indeed done it. Those pots on +the top of the library cupboard _are_ Roman pottery. The amphoræ which +you hid in the mound are probably--I can't say for certain, +mind--priceless. They are the property of the owner of this house. You +have taken them out and buried them. The President of the Maidstone +Antiquarian Society has taken them away in his bag. Now what are you +going to do?" + +Alice and I did not know what to say, or where to look. The others added +to our pained position by some ungenerous murmurs about our not being +so jolly clever as we thought ourselves. + +There was a very far from pleasing silence. Then Oswald got up. He said: + +"Alice, come here a sec., I want to speak to you." + +As Albert's uncle had offered no advice, Oswald disdained to ask him for +any. + +Alice got up too, and she and Oswald went into the garden, and sat down +on the bench under the quince-tree, and wished they had never tried to +have a private lark of their very own with the Antiquities--"A Private +Sale," Albert's uncle called it afterwards. But regrets, as nearly +always happens, were vain. Something had to be done. + +But what? + +Oswald and Alice sat in silent desperateness, and the voices of the gay +and careless others came to them from the lawn, where, heartless in +their youngness, they were playing tag. I don't know how they could. +Oswald would not like to play tag when his brother and sister were in a +hole, but Oswald is an exception to some boys. But Dicky told me +afterwards he thought it was only a joke of Albert's uncle's. + +The dusk grew dusker, till you could hardly tell the quinces from the +leaves, and Alice and Oswald still sat exhausted with hard thinking, but +they could not think of anything. And it grew so dark that the moonlight +began to show. + +Then Alice jumped up--just as Oswald was opening his mouth to say the +same thing--and said, "Of course--how silly! I know. Come on in, +Oswald." + +And they went on in. + +Oswald was still far too proud to consult any one else. But he just +asked carelessly if Alice and he might go into Maidstone the next day to +buy some wire-netting for a rabbit-hutch, and to see after one or two +things. + +Albert's uncle said certainly. And they went by train with the bailiff +from the farm, who was going in about some sheep-dip and to buy pigs. At +any other time Oswald would not have been able to bear to leave the +bailiff without seeing the pigs bought. But now it was different. For he +and Alice had the weight on their bosoms of being thieves without having +meant it--and nothing, not even pigs, had power to charm the young but +honorable Oswald till that stain had been wiped away. + +So he took Alice to the Secretary of the Maidstone Antiquities' house, +and Mr. Turnbull was out, but the maid-servant kindly told us where the +President lived, and ere long the trembling feet of the unfortunate +brother and sister vibrated on the spotless gravel of Camperdown Villa. + +When they asked, they were told that Mr. Longchamps was at home. Then +they waited, paralyzed with undescribed emotions, in a large room with +books and swords and glass book-cases with rotten-looking odds and ends +in them. Mr. Longchamps was a collector. That means he stuck to +anything, no matter how ugly and silly, if only it was old. + +He came in rubbing his hands, and very kind. He remembered us very well, +he said, and asked what he could do for us. + +Oswald for once was dumb. He could not find words in which to own +himself the ass he had been. + +But Alice was less delicately moulded. She said: + +"Oh, if you please, we are most awfully sorry, and we hope you'll +forgive us, but we thought it would be such a pity for you and all the +other poor dear Antiquities to come all that way and then find nothing +Roman--so we put some pots and things in the barrow for you to find." + +"So I perceived," said the President, stroking his white beard and +smiling most agreeably at us; "a harmless joke, my dear! Youth's the +season for jesting. There's no harm done--pray think no more about it. +It's very honorable of you to come and apologize, I'm sure." + +His brow began to wear the furrowed, anxious look of one who would fain +be rid of his guests and get back to what he was doing before they +interrupted him. + +Alice said, "We didn't come for that. It's _much_ worse. Those were two +_real_ true Roman jugs you took away; we put them there; they aren't +ours. We didn't know they were real Roman. We wanted to sell the +Antiquities--I mean Antiquaries--and we were sold ourselves." + +"This is serious," said the gentleman. "I suppose you'd know the--the +'jugs' if you saw them again?" + +"Anywhere," said Oswald, with the confidential rashness of one who does +not know what he is talking about. + +Mr. Longchamps opened the door of a little room leading out of the one +we were in, and beckoned us to follow. We found ourselves amid shelves +and shelves of pottery of all sorts; and two whole shelves--small +ones--were filled with the sort of jug we wanted. + +"Well," said the President, with a veiled, menacing sort of smile, like +a wicked cardinal, "which is it?" + +Oswald said, "I don't know." + +Alice said, "I should know if I had it in my hand." + +The President patiently took the jugs down one after another, and Alice +tried to look inside them. And one after another she shook her head and +gave them back. + +At last she said, "You didn't _wash_ them?" + +Mr. Longchamps shuddered and said "No." + +"Then," said Alice, "there is something written with lead-pencil inside +both the jugs. I wish I hadn't. I would rather you didn't read it. I +didn't know it would be a nice old gentleman like you would find it. I +thought it would be the younger gentleman with the thin legs and the +narrow smile." + +"Mr. Turnbull." The President seemed to recognize the description +unerringly. "Well, well--boys will be boys--girls, I mean. I won't be +angry. Look at all the 'jugs' and see if you can find yours." + +Alice did--and the next one she looked at she said, "This is one"--and +two jugs further on she said, "This is the other." + +"Well," the President said, "these are certainly the specimens which I +obtained yesterday. If your uncle will call on me I will return them to +him. But it's a disappointment. Yes. I think you must let me look +inside." + +He did. And at the first one he said nothing. At the second he laughed. + +"Well, well," he said, "we can't expect old heads on young shoulders. +You're not the first who went forth to shear and returned shorn. Nor, it +appears, am I. Next time you have a Sale of Antiquities, take care that +you yourself are not 'sold.' Good-day to you, my dear. Don't let the +incident prey on your mind," he said to Alice. "Bless your heart, I was +a boy once myself, unlikely as you may think it. Good-bye." + + * * * * * + +We were in time to see the pigs bought, after all. + +I asked Alice what on earth it was she'd scribbled inside the beastly +jugs, and she owned that just to make the lark complete she had written +"Sucks" in one of the jugs, and "Sold again, silly," in the other. + +[Illustration: "'I THINK YOU MUST LET ME LOOK INSIDE'"] + +But we know well enough who it was that was sold. And if ever we have +any Antiquities to tea again, they sha'n't find so much as a Greek +waistcoat button if we can help it. + +Unless it's the President, for he did not behave at all badly. For a man +of his age I think he behaved exceedingly well. Oswald can picture a +very different scene having been enacted over those rotten pots if the +President had been an otherwise sort of man. + +But that picture is not pleasing, so Oswald will not distress you by +drawing it for you. You can most likely do it easily for yourself. + + + + +THE BENEVOLENT BAR + + +The tramp was very dusty about the feet and legs, and his clothes were +very ragged and dirty, but he had cheerful twinkly gray eyes, and he +touched his cap to the girls when he spoke to us, though a little as +though he would rather not. + +We were on the top of the big wall of the Roman ruin in the Three Tree +pasture. We had just concluded a severe siege with bows and arrows--the +ones that were given us to make up for the pistol that was confiscated +after the sad but not sinful occasion when it shot a fox. + +To avoid accidents that you would be sorry for afterwards, Oswald, in +his thoughtfulness, had decreed that every one was to wear wire masks. + +Luckily there were plenty of these, because a man who lived in the Moat +House once went to Rome, where they throw hundreds and thousands at each +other in play, and call it a Comfit Battle or Battaglia di Confetti +(that's real Italian). And he wanted to get up that sort of thing among +the village people--but they were too beastly slack, so he chucked it. + +And in the attic were the wire masks he brought home with him from +Rome, which people wear to prevent the nasty comfits getting in their +mouths and eyes. + +So we were all armed to the teeth with masks and arrows, but in +attacking or defending a fort your real strength is not in your +equipment, but in your power of Shove. Oswald, Alice, Noël and Denny +defended the fort. We were much the strongest side, but that was how +Dicky and Oswald picked up. + +The others got in, it is true, but that was only because an arrow hit +Dicky on the nose, and it bled quarts as usual, though hit only through +the wire mask. Then he put into dock for repairs, and while the +defending party weren't looking he sneaked up the wall at the back and +shoved Oswald off, and fell on top of him, so that the fort, now that it +had lost its gallant young leader, the life and soul of the besieged +party, was of course soon overpowered and had to surrender. + +Then we sat on the top and ate some peppermints Albert's uncle brought +us a bag of from Maidstone when he went to fetch away the Roman pottery +we tried to sell the Antiquities with. + +The battle was over, and peace raged among us as we sat in the sun on +the big wall and looked at the fields, all blue and swimming in the +heat. + +We saw the tramp coming through the beet-field. He made a dusty blot on +the fair scene. + +When he saw us he came close to the wall, and touched his cap, as I have +said, and remarked: + +"Excuse me interrupting of your sports, young gentlemen and ladies, but +if you could so far oblige as to tell a laboring man the way to the +nearest pub. It's a dry day and no error." + +"The 'Rose and Crown' is the best pub," said Dicky, "and the landlady is +a friend of ours. It's about a mile if you go by the field path." + +"Lor' love a duck!" said the tramp, "a mile's a long way, and walking's +a dry job this ere weather." + +We said we agreed with him. + +"Upon my sacred," said the tramp, "if there was a pump handy I believe +I'd take a turn at it--I would indeed, so help me if I wouldn't! Though +water always upsets me and makes my 'and shaky." + +We had not cared much about tramps since the adventure of the villainous +sailor-man and the Tower of Mystery, but we had the dogs on the wall +with us (Lady was awfully difficult to get up, on account of her long +deer-hound legs), and the position was a strong one, and easy to defend. +Besides, the tramp did not look like that bad sailor, nor talk like it. +And we considerably out-numbered the tramps, anyway. + +Alice nudged Oswald and said something about Sir Philip Sidney and the +tramp's need being greater than his, so Oswald was obliged to go to the +hole in the top of the wall where we store provisions during sieges, and +get out the bottle of ginger-beer which he had gone without when the +others had theirs so as to drink it when he got really thirsty. + +Meanwhile Alice said: + +"We've got some ginger-beer; my brother's getting it. I hope you won't +mind drinking out of our glass. We can't wash it, you know--unless we +rinse it out with a little ginger-beer." + +"Don't ye do it, miss," he said, eagerly; "never waste good liquor on +washing." + +The glass was beside us on the wall. Oswald filled it with ginger-beer +and handed down the foaming tankard to the tramp. He had to lie on his +young stomach to do this. + +The tramp was really quite polite--one of Nature's gentlemen, and a man +as well, we found out afterwards. He said: + +"Here's to you!" before he drank. Then he drained the glass till the rim +rested on his nose. + +"Swelp me, but I _was_ dry," he said. "Don't seem to matter much what it +is, this weather, do it? so long as it's suthink wet. Well, here's +thanking you." + +"You're very welcome," said Dora; "I'm glad you liked it." + +"Like it?" said he. "I don't suppose you know what it's like to have a +thirst on you. Talk of free schools and free libraries, and free baths +and wash-houses and such! Why don't some one start free _drinks_? He'd +be a 'ero, he would. I'd vote for him any day of the week and one over. +Ef yer don't objec I'll set down a bit and put on a pipe." + +He sat down on the grass and began to smoke. We asked him questions +about himself, and he told us many of his secret sorrows--especially +about there being no work nowadays for an honest man. At last he +dropped asleep in the middle of a story about a vestry he worked for +that hadn't acted fair and square by him like he had by them, or it (I +don't know if vestry is singular or plural), and we went home. But +before we went we held a hurried council and collected what money we +could from the little we had with us (it was ninepence halfpenny), and +wrapped it in an old envelope Dicky had in his pocket and put it gently +on the billowing middle of the poor tramp's sleeping waistcoat, so that +he would find it when he woke. None of the dogs said a single syllable +while we were doing this, so we knew they believed him to be poor but +honest, and we always find it safe to take their word for things like +that. + +As we went home a brooding silence fell upon us; we found out afterwards +that those words of the poor tramp's about free drinks had sunk deep in +all our hearts, and rankled there. + +After dinner we went out and sat with our feet in the stream. People +tell you it makes your grub disagree with you to do this just after +meals, but it never hurts us. There is a fallen willow across the stream +that just seats the eight of us, only the ones at the end can't get +their feet into the water properly because of the bushes, so we keep +changing places. We had got some liquorice root to chew. This helps +thought. Dora broke a peaceful silence with this speech: + +"Free drinks." + +The words awoke a response in every breast. + +"I wonder some one doesn't," H. O. said, leaning back till he nearly +toppled in, and was only saved by Oswald and Alice at their own deadly +peril. + +"Do for goodness sake sit still, H. O.," observed Alice. "It would be a +glorious act! I wish _we_ could." + +"What, sit still?" asked H. O. + +"No, my child," replied Oswald, "most of us can do that when we try. +Your angel sister was only wishing to set up free drinks for the poor +and thirsty." + +"Not for all of them," Alice said, "just a few. Change places now, +Dicky. My feet aren't properly wet at all." + +It is very difficult to change places safely on the willow. The changers +have to crawl over the laps of the others, while the rest sit tight and +hold on for all they're worth. But the hard task was accomplished and +then Alice went on: + +"And we couldn't do it for always, only a day or two--just while our +money held out. Eiffel Tower lemonade's the best, and you get a jolly +lot of it for your money too. There must be a great many sincerely +thirsty persons go along the Dover Road every day." + +"It wouldn't be bad. We've got a little chink between us," said Oswald. + +"And then think how the poor grateful creatures would linger and tell us +about their inmost sorrows. It would be most frightfully interesting. We +could write all their agonied life histories down afterwards like _All +the Year Round_ Christmas numbers. Oh, do let's!" + +Alice was wriggling so with earnestness that Dicky thumped her to make +her calm. + +"We might do it, just for one day," Oswald said, "but it wouldn't be +much--only a drop in the ocean compared with the enormous dryness of all +the people in the whole world. Still, every little helps, as the mermaid +said when she cried into the sea." + +"I know a piece of poetry about that," Denny said. + + "'Small things are best. + Care and unrest + To wealth and rank are given, + But little things + On little wings--' + +Do something or other, I forget what, but it means the same as Oswald +was saying about the mermaid." + +"What are you going to call it?" asked Noël coming out of a dream. + +"Call what?" + +"The Free Drinks game. + + "'It's a horrid shame + If the Free Drinks game + Doesn't have a name. + You would be to blame + If any one came + And--'" + +"Oh, shut up!" remarked Dicky. "You've been making that rot up all the +time we've been talking instead of listening properly." Dicky hates +poetry. I don't mind it so very much myself, especially Macaulay's and +Kipling's and Noël's. + +"There was a lot more--'lame' and 'dame' and 'name' and 'game' and +things--and now I've forgotten it," Noël said, in gloom. + +"Never mind," Alice answered, "it'll come back to you in the silent +watches of the night; you see if it doesn't. But really, Noël's right, +it _ought_ to have a name." + +"Free Drinks Company." + +"Thirsty Travellers' Rest." + +"The Travellers' Joy." + +These names were suggested, but not cared for extra. + +Then some one said--I think it was Oswald: + +"Why not 'The House Beautiful'?" + +"It can't be a house, it must be in the road. It'll only be a stall." + +"The 'Stall Beautiful' is simply silly," Oswald said. + +"The 'Bar Beautiful' then," said Dicky, who knows what the "Rose and +Crown" bar is like inside, which of course is hidden from girls. + +"Oh, wait a minute," cried the Dentist, snapping his fingers like he +always does when he is trying to remember things. "I thought of +something, only Daisy tickled me and it's gone--I know--let's call it +the Benevolent Bar!" + +It was exactly right, and told the whole truth in two words. +"Benevolent" showed it was free, and "Bar" showed what was +free--_e.g._, things to drink. The "Benevolent Bar" it was. + +We went home at once to prepare for the morrow, for of course we meant +to do it the very next day. Procrastination is, you know, what--and +delays are dangerous. If we had waited long we might have happened to +spend our money on something else. + +The utmost secrecy had to be observed, because Mrs. Pettigrew hates +tramps. Most people do who keep fowls. Albert's uncle was in London till +the next evening, so we could not consult him, but we know he is always +chock full of intelligent sympathy with the poor and needy. + +Acting with the deepest disguise, we made an awning to cover the +Benevolent Bar keepers from the searching rays of the monarch of the +skies. We found some old striped sun-blinds in the attic, and the girls +sewed them together. They were not very big when they were done, so we +added the girls' striped petticoats. I am sorry their petticoats turn up +so constantly in my narrative, but they really are very useful, +especially when the band is cut off. The girls borrowed Mrs. Pettigrew's +sewing-machine; they could not ask her leave without explanations, which +we did not wish to give just then, and she had lent it to them before. +They took it into the cellar to work it, so that she should not hear the +noise and ask bothering questions. They had to balance it on one end of +the beer-stand. It was not easy. While they were doing the sewing we +boys went out and got willow poles and chopped the twigs off, and got +ready as well as we could to put up the awning. + +When we returned a detachment of us went down to the shop in the village +for Eiffel Tower lemonade. We bought seven-and-sixpence worth; then we +made a great label to say what the bar was for. Then there was nothing +else to do except to make rosettes out of a blue sash of Daisy's to show +we belonged to the Benevolent Bar. + +The next day was as hot as ever. We rose early from our innocent +slumbers, and went out to the Dover Road to the spot we had marked down +the day before. It was at a cross-roads, so as to be able to give drinks +to as many people as possible. + +We hid the awning and poles behind the hedge and went home to brekker. + +After brek we got the big zinc bath they wash clothes in, and after +filling it with clean water we just had to empty it again, because it +was too heavy to lift. So we carried it vacant to the trysting-spot and +left H. O. and Noël to guard it while we went and fetched separate pails +of water; very heavy work, and no one who wasn't really benevolent would +have bothered about it for an instant. Oswald alone carried three pails. +So did Dicky and the Dentist. Then we rolled down some empty barrels and +stood up three of them by the road-side, and put planks on them. This +made a very first-class table, and we covered it with the best +table-cloth we could find in the linen cupboard. We brought out several +glasses and some teacups--not the best ones, Oswald was firm about +that--and the kettle and spirit-lamp and the teapot, in case any weary +tramp-woman fancied a cup of tea instead of Eiffel Tower. H. O. and Noël +had to go down to the shop for tea; they need not have grumbled; they +had not carried any of the water. And their having to go the second time +was only because we forgot to tell them to get some real lemons to put +on the bar to show what the drink would be like when you got it. The man +at the shop kindly gave us tick for the lemons, and we cashed up out of +our next week's pocket-money. + +Two or three people passed while we were getting things ready, but no +one said anything except the man who said, "Bloomin' Sunday-school +treat," and as it was too early in the day for any one to be thirsty we +did not stop the wayfarers to tell them their thirst could be slaked +without cost at our Benevolent Bar. + +But when everything was quite ready, and our blue rosettes fastened on +our breasts over our benevolent hearts, we stuck up the great placard we +had made with "Benevolent Bar. Free Drinks to all Weary Travellers," in +white wadding on red calico, like Christmas decorations in church. We +had meant to fasten this to the edge of the awning, but we had to pin it +to the front of the table-cloth, because I am sorry to say the awning +went wrong from the first. We could not drive the willow poles into the +road; it was much too hard. And in the ditch it was too soft, besides +being no use. So we had just to cover our benevolent heads with our +hats, and take it in turns to go into the shadow of the tree on the +other side of the road. For we had pitched our table on the sunny side +of the way, of course, relying on our broken-reed-like awning, and +wishing to give it a fair chance. + +Everything looked very nice, and we longed to see somebody really +miserable come along so as to be able to allieve their distress. + +A man and woman were the first; they stopped and stared, but when Alice +said, "Free drinks! Free drinks! Aren't you thirsty?" they said, "No, +thank you," and went on. Then came a person from the village; he didn't +even say "Thank you" when we asked him, and Oswald began to fear it +might be like the awful time when we wandered about on Christmas Day +trying to find poor persons and persuade them to eat our Conscience +pudding. + +But a man in a blue jersey and a red bundle eased Oswald's fears by +being willing to drink a glass of lemonade, and even to say, "Thank you, +I'm sure," quite nicely. + +After that it was better. As we had foreseen, there were plenty of +thirsty people walking along the Dover Road, and even some from the +crossroad. + +We had had the pleasure of seeing nineteen tumblers drained to the dregs +ere we tasted any ourselves. Nobody asked for tea. + +More people went by than we gave lemonade to. Some wouldn't have it +because they were too grand. One man told us he could pay for his own +liquor when he was dry, which, praise be, he wasn't over and above, at +present; and others asked if we hadn't any beer, and when we said "No," +they said it showed what sort we were--as if the sort was not a good +one, which it is. + +And another man said, "Slops again! You never get nothing for nothing, +not this side heaven you don't. Look at the bloomin' blue ribbon on 'em! +Oh, Lor'!" and went on quite sadly without having a drink. + +Our Pig-man who helped us on the Tower of Mystery day went by and we +hailed him, and explained it all to him and gave him a drink, and asked +him to call as he came back. He liked it all, and said we were a real +good sort. How different from the man who wanted the beer. Then he went +on. + +One thing I didn't like, and that was the way boys began to gather. Of +course we could not refuse to give drinks to any traveller who was old +enough to ask for it, but when one boy had had three glasses of lemonade +and asked for another, Oswald said: + +"I think you've had jolly well enough. You can't be really thirsty after +all that lot." + +The boy said, "Oh, can't I? You'll just see if I can't," and went away. +Presently he came back with four other boys, all bigger than Oswald; and +they all asked for lemonade. Oswald gave it to the four new ones, but +he was determined in his behavior to the other one, and wouldn't give +him a drop. Then the five of them went and sat on a gate a little way +off and kept laughing in a nasty way, and whenever a boy went by they +called out: + +"I say, 'ere's a go," and as often as not the new boy would hang about +with them. It was disquieting, for though they had nearly all had +lemonade, we could see it had not made them friendly. + +A great glorious glow of goodness gladdened (those go all together and +are called alliteration) our hearts when we saw our own tramp coming +down the road. The dogs did not growl at him as they had at the boys or +the beer-man. (I did not say before that we had the dogs with us, but of +course we had, because we had promised never to go out without them.) + +Oswald said, "Hullo," and the tramp said, "Hullo." + +Then Alice said, "You see we've taken your advice; we're giving free +drinks. Doesn't it all look nice?" + +"It does that," said the tramp. "I don't mind if I do." + +So we gave him two glasses of lemonade succeedingly, and thanked him for +giving us the idea. He said we were very welcome, and if we'd no +objection he'd sit down a bit and put on a pipe. He did, and after +talking a little more he fell asleep. Drinking anything seemed to end +in sleep with him. I always thought it was only beer and things made +people sleepy, but he was not so. When he was asleep he rolled into the +ditch, but it did not wake him up. + +The boys were getting very noisy, and they began to shout things, and to +make silly noises with their mouths, and when Oswald and Dicky went over +to them and told them to just chuck it, they were worse than ever. I +think perhaps Oswald and Dicky might have fought and settled +them--though there were eleven, yet back to back you can always do it +against overwhelming numbers in a book--only Alice called out: + +"Oswald, here's some more, come back!" + +We went. Three big men were coming down the road, very red and hot, and +not amiable-looking. They stopped in front of the Benevolent Bar and +slowly read the wadding and red-stuff label. + +Then one of them said he was blessed, or something like that, and +another said he was too. The third one said, "Blessed or not, a drink's +a drink. Blue ribbon though by ----" (a word you ought not to say, +though it is in the Bible and the catechism as well). "Let's have a +liquor, little missy." + +The dogs were growling, but Oswald thought it best not to take any +notice of what the dogs said, but to give these men each a drink. So he +did. They drank, but not as if they cared about it very much, and then +they set their glasses down on the table, a liberty no one else had +entered into, and began to try and chaff Oswald. Oswald said in an +undervoice to H. O.: + +"Just take charge. I want to speak to the girls a sec. Call if you want +anything." And then he drew the others away, to say he thought there'd +been enough of it, and considering the boys and the new three men, +perhaps we'd better chuck it and go home. We'd been benevolent nearly +four hours anyway. + +While this conversation and the objections of the others were going on, +H. O. perpetuated an act which nearly wrecked the Benevolent Bar. + +Of course Oswald was not an eye or ear witness of what happened, but +from what H. O. said in the calmer moments of later life, I think this +was about what happened: + +One of the big disagreeable men said to H. O.: + +"Ain't got such a thing as a drop o' spirit, 'ave yer?" + +H. O. said no, we hadn't, only lemonade and tea. + +"Lemonade and tea! blank" (bad word I told you about) "and blazes," +replied the bad character, for such he afterwards proved to be. "What's +_that_ then?" + +He pointed to a bottle labelled Dewar's whiskey, which stood on the +table near the spirit-kettle. + +"Oh, is _that_ what you want?" said H. O., kindly. + +The man is understood to have said he should bloomin' well think so, but +H. O. is not sure about the bloomin'. + +He held out his glass with about half the lemonade in it, and H. O. +generously filled up the tumbler out of the bottle labelled Dewar's +whiskey. The man took a great drink, and then suddenly he spat out what +happened to be left in his mouth just then, and began to swear. It was +then that Oswald and Dicky rushed upon the scene. The man was shaking +his fist in H. O.'s face, and H. O. was still holding on to the bottle +we had brought out the methylated spirit in for the lamp, in case of any +one wanting tea, which they hadn't. + +"If I was Jim," said the second ruffian, for such indeed they were, when +he had snatched the bottle from H. O. and smelt it, "I'd chuck the whole +show over the hedge, so I would, and you young gutter-snipes after it, +so I wouldn't." + +Oswald saw in a moment that in point of strength, if not numbers, he and +his party were outmatched, and the unfriendly boys were drawing gladly +near. It is no shame to signal for help when in distress--the best ships +do it every day. Oswald shouted "Help! help!" Before the words were out +of his brave yet trembling lips our own tramp leaped like an antelope +from the ditch and said: + +"Now then, what's up?" + +The biggest of the three men immediately knocked him down. He lay still. + +The biggest then said, "Come on--any more of you? Come on!" + +[Illustration: "OSWALD ACTUALLY HIT OUT AT THE BIG MAN"] + +Oswald was so enraged at this cowardly attack that he actually hit out +at the big man--and he really got one in just above the belt. Then he +shut his eyes, because he felt that now all was indeed up. There was a +shout and a scuffle, and Oswald opened his eyes in astonishment at +finding himself still whole and unimpaired. Our own tramp had artfully +stimulated insensibleness, to get the men off their guard, and then had +suddenly got his arms round a leg each of two of the men, and pulled +them to the ground, helped by Dicky, who saw his game and rushed in at +the same time, exactly like Oswald would have done if he had not had his +eyes shut ready to meet his doom. + +The unpleasant boys shouted, and the third man tried to help his +unrespectable friends, now on their backs, involved in a desperate +struggle with our own tramp, who was on top of them, accompanied by +Dicky. It all happened in a minute, and it was all mixed up. The dogs +were growling and barking--Martha had one of the men by the trouser leg +and Pincher had another; the girls were screaming like mad and the +strange boys shouted and laughed (little beasts!), and then suddenly our +Pig-man came round the corner, and two friends of his with him. He had +gone and fetched them to take care of us if anything unpleasant +occurred. It was very thoughtful, and just like him. + +"Fetch the police!" cried the Pig-man in noble tones, and H. O. started +running to do it. But the scoundrels struggled from under Dicky and our +tramp, shook off the dogs and some bits of trouser, and fled heavily +down the road. + +Our Pig-man said, "Get along home!" to the disagreeable boys, and +"Shoo'd" them as if they were hens, and they went. H. O. ran back when +they began to go up the road, and there we were, all standing breathless +and in tears on the scene of the late desperate engagement. Oswald gives +you his word of honor that his and Dicky's tears were tears of pure +rage. There are such things as tears of pure rage. Any one who knows +will tell you so. + +We picked up our own tramp and bathed the lump on his forehead with +lemonade. The water in the zinc bath had been upset in the struggle. +Then he and the Pig-man and his kind friends helped us carry our things +home. + +The Pig-man advised us on the way not to try these sort of kind actions +without getting a grown-up to help us. We've been advised this before, +but now I really think we shall never try to be benevolent to the poor +and needy again. At any rate not unless we know them very well first. + +We have seen our own tramp often since. The Pig-man gave him a job. He +has got work to do at last. The Pig-man says he is not such a very bad +chap, only he will fall asleep after the least drop of drink. We know +that is his failing. We saw it at once. But it was lucky for us he fell +asleep that day near our benevolent bar. + +I will not go into what my father said about it all. There was a good +deal in it about minding your own business--there generally is in most +of the talkings to we get. But he gave our tramp a sovereign, and the +Pig-man says he went to sleep on it for a solid week. + + + + +THE CANTERBURY PILGRIMS + + +The author of these few lines really does hope to goodness that no one +will be such an owl as to think from the number of things we did when we +were in the country, that we were wretched, neglected little children, +whose grown-up relations sparkled in the bright haunts of pleasure, and +whirled in the giddy what's-its-name of fashion, while we were left to +weep forsaken at home. It was nothing of the kind, and I wish you to +know that my father was with us a good deal--and Albert's uncle gave up +a good many of his valuable hours to us. And the father of Denny and +Daisy came now and then, and other people, quite as many as we wished to +see. And we had some very decent times with them; and enjoyed ourselves +very much indeed, thank you. In some ways the good times you have with +grown-ups are better than the ones you have by yourselves. At any rate, +they are safer. It is almost impossible, then, to do anything fatal +without being pulled up short by a grown-up ere yet the deed is done. +And, if you are careful, anything that goes wrong can be looked on as +the grown-up's fault. But these secure pleasures are not so interesting +to tell about as the things you do when there is no one to stop you on +the edge of the rash act. + +It is curious, too, that many of our most interesting games happened +when grown-ups were far away. For instance, when we were pilgrims. + +It was just after the business of the benevolent bar, and it was a wet +day. It is not so easy to amuse yourself indoors on a wet day as older +people seem to think, especially when you are far removed from your own +home, and haven't got all your own books and things. The girls were +playing Halma--which is a beastly game--Noël was writing poetry, H. O. +was singing "I don't know what to do" to the tune of "Canaan's Happy +Shore." It goes like this, and is very tiresome to listen to: + + "I don't know what to do--oo--oo--oo! + I don't know what to do--oo--oo! + It is a beastly rainy day + And I don't know what to do." + +The rest of us were trying to make him shut up. We put a carpet-bag over +his head, but he went on inside it; and then we sat on him, but he sang +under us; we held him upside down and made him crawl head first under +the sofa, but when, even there, he kept it up, we saw that nothing short +of violence would induce him to silence, so we let him go. And then he +said we had hurt him, and we said we were only in fun, and he said if we +were he wasn't, and ill feeling might have grown up even out of a +playful brotherly act like ours had been, only Alice chucked the Halma +and said: + +"Let dogs delight. Come on--let's play something." + +Then Dora said, "Yes, but look here. Now we're all together, I do want +to say something. What about the Wouldbegoods Society?" + +Many of us groaned, and one said, "Hear! hear!" I will not say which +one, but it was not Oswald. + +"No, but really," Dora said, "I don't want to be preachy--but you know +we _did_ say we'd try to be good. And it says in a book I was reading +only yesterday that _not_ being naughty is not enough. You must _be_ +good. And we've hardly done anything. The Golden Deed book's almost +empty." + +"Couldn't we have a book of leaden deeds," said Noël, coming out of his +poetry, "then there'd be plenty for Alice to write about if she wants +to, or brass or zinc or aluminium deeds? We sha'n't ever fill the book +with golden ones." + +H. O. had rolled himself in the red table-cloth, and said Noël was only +advising us to be naughty, and again peace waved in the balance. But +Alice said, "Oh, H. O., _don't_--he didn't mean that; but really and +truly, I wish wrong things weren't so interesting. You begin to do a +noble act, and then it gets so exciting, and before you know where you +are you are doing something wrong as hard as you can lick." + +"And enjoying it too," Dicky said. + +"It's very curious," Denny said, "but you don't seem to be able to be +certain inside yourself whether what you're doing is right if you happen +to like doing it, but if you don't like doing it you know quite well. I +only thought of that just now. I wish Noël would make a poem about it." + +"I am," Noël said; "it began about a crocodile, but it is finishing +itself up quite different from what I meant it to at first. Just wait a +minute." + +He wrote very hard while his kind brothers and sisters and his little +friends waited the minute he had said, and then he read: + + "The crocodile is very wise, + He lives in the Nile with little eyes, + He eats the hippopotamus too, + And if he could he would eat up you. + + "The lovely woods and starry skies + He looks upon with glad surprise; + He sees the riches of the east, + And the tiger and lion, kings of beast. + + "So let all be good and beware + Of saying sha'n't and won't and don't care; + For doing wrong is easier far + Than any of the right things I know about are. + +And I couldn't make it king of beasts because of it not rhyming with +east, so I put the _s_ off beasts on to king. It comes even in the end." + +We all said it was a very nice piece of poetry. Noël gets really ill if +you don't like what he writes, and then he said, "If it's trying that's +wanted, I don't care how hard we _try_ to be good, but we may as well +do it some nice way. Let's be Pilgrim's Progress, like I wanted to at +first." + +And we were all beginning to say we didn't want to, when suddenly Dora +said, "Oh, look here! I know. We'll be the Canterbury Pilgrims. People +used to go pilgrimages to make themselves good." + +"With pease in their shoes," the Dentist said. "It's in a piece of +poetry--only the man boiled his pease--which is quite unfair." + +"Oh yes," said H. O., "and cocked hats." + +"Not cocked--cockled"--it was Alice who said this. "And they had staffs +and scrips, and they told each other tales. We might as well." + +Oswald and Dora had been reading about the Canterbury Pilgrims in a book +called A _Short History of the English People_. It is not at all short +really--three fat volumes--but it has jolly good pictures. It was +written by a gentleman named Green. So Oswald said: + +"All right. I'll be the Knight." + +"I'll be the wife of Bath," Dora said. "What will you be, Dicky?" + +"Oh, I don't care, I'll be Mr. Bath if you like." + +"We don't know much about the people," Alice said. "How many were +there?" + +"Thirty," Oswald replied, "but we needn't be all of them. There's the +Nun-Priest." + +"Is that a man or a woman?" + +Oswald said he could not be sure by the picture, but Alice and Noël +could be it between them. So that was settled. Then we got the book and +looked at the dresses to see if we could make up dresses for the parts. +At first we thought we would, because it would be something to do, and +it was a very wet day; but they looked difficult, especially the +Miller's. Denny wanted to be the Miller, but in the end he was the +Doctor, because it was next door to Dentist, which is what we call him +for short. Daisy was to be the Prioress--because she is good, and has "a +soft little red mouth," and H. O. _would_ be the Manciple (I don't know +what that is), because the picture of him is bigger than most of the +others, and he said Manciple was a nice portmanteau word--half mandarin +and half disciple. + +"Let's get the easiest parts of the dresses ready first," Alice +said--"the pilgrims' staffs and hats and the cockles." + +So Oswald and Dicky braved the fury of the elements and went into the +wood beyond the orchard to cut ash-sticks. We got eight jolly good long +ones. Then we took them home, and the girls bothered till we changed our +clothes, which were indeed sopping with the elements we had faced. + +Then we peeled the sticks. They were nice and white at first, but they +soon got dirty when we carried them. It is a curious thing: however +often you wash your hands they always seem to come off on anything +white. And we nailed paper rosettes to the tops of them. That was the +nearest we could get to cockle-shells. + +"And we may as well have them there as on our hats," Alice said. "And +let's call each other by our right names to-day, just to get into it. +Don't you think so, Knight?" + +"Yea, Nun-Priest," Oswald was replying, but Noël said she was only half +the Nun-Priest, and again a threat of unpleasantness darkened the air. +But Alice said: + +"Don't be a piggy-wiggy, Noël, dear; you can have it all, I don't want +it. I'll just be a plain pilgrim, or Henry who killed Becket." + +So she was called the Plain Pilgrim, and she did not mind. + +We thought of cocked hats, but they are warm to wear, and the big garden +hats that make you look like pictures on the covers of plantation songs +did beautifully. We put cockle-shells on them. Sandals we did try, with +pieces of oil-cloth cut the shape of soles and fastened with tape, but +the dust gets into your toes so, and we decided boots were better for +such a long walk. Some of the pilgrims who were very earnest decided to +tie their boots with white tape crossed outside to pretend sandals. +Denny was one of these earnest palmers. As for dresses, there was no +time to make them properly, and at first we thought of nightgowns; but +we decided not to, in case people in Canterbury were not used to that +sort of pilgrim nowadays. We made up our minds to go as we were--or as +we might happen to be next day. + +You will be ready to believe we hoped next day would be fine. It was. + +Fair was the morn when the pilgrims arose and went down to breakfast. +Albert's uncle had had brekker early and was hard at work in his study. +We heard his quill-pen squeaking when we listened at the door. It is not +wrong to listen at doors when there is only one person inside, because +nobody would tell itself secrets aloud when it was alone. + +We got lunch from the housekeeper, Mrs. Pettigrew. She seems almost to +_like_ us all to go out and take our lunch with us. Though I should +think it must be very dull for her all alone. I remember, though, that +Eliza, our late general at Lewisham, was just the same. We took the dear +dogs, of course. Since the Tower of Mystery happened we are not allowed +to go anywhere without the escort of these faithful friends of man. We +did not take Martha, because bull-dogs do not like long walks. Remember +this if you ever have one of those valuable animals. + +When we were all ready, with our big hats and cockle-shells, and our +staves and our tape sandals, the pilgrims looked very nice. + +"Only we haven't any scrips," Dora said. + +"What is a scrip?" + +"I think it's something to read. A roll of parchment or something." + +So we had old newspapers rolled up, and carried them in our hands. We +took the _Globe_ and the _Westminster Gazette_ because they are pink and +green. The Dentist wore his white sand-shoes, sandalled with black tape, +and bare legs. They really looked almost as good as bare feet. + +"We _ought_ to have pease in our shoes," he said. But we did not think +so. We knew what a very little stone in your boot will do, let alone +pease. + +Of course we knew the way to go to Canterbury, because the old Pilgrims' +Road runs just above our house. It is a very pretty road, narrow, and +often shady. It is nice for walking, but carts do not like it because it +is rough and rutty; so there is grass growing in patches on it. + +I have said that it was a fine day, which means that it was not raining, +but the sun did not shine all the time. + +"'Tis well, O Knight," said Alice, "that the orb of day shines not in +undi--what's-its-name?--splendor." + +"Thou sayest sooth, Plain Pilgrim," replied Oswald. "'Tis jolly warm +even as it is." + +"I wish I wasn't two people," Noël said, "it seems to make me hotter. I +think I'll be a Reeve or something." + +But we would not let him, and we explained that if he hadn't been so +beastly particular Alice would have been half of him, and he had only +himself to thank if being all of a Nun-Priest made him hot. + +But it _was_ warm certainly, and it was some time since we'd gone so far +in boots. Yet when H. O. complained we did our duty as pilgrims and made +him shut up. He did as soon as Alice said that about whining and +grizzling being below the dignity of a Manciple. + +It was so warm that the Prioress and the wife of Bath gave up walking +with their arms round each other in their usual silly way (Albert's +uncle calls it Laura Matildaing), and the Doctor and Mr. Bath had to +take their jackets off and carry them. + +I am sure if an artist or a photographer, or any person who liked +pilgrims, had seen us he would have been very pleased. The paper +cockle-shells were first-rate, but it was awkward having them on the top +of the staffs, because they got in your way when you wanted the staff to +use as a walking-stick. + +We stepped out like a man all of us, and kept it up as well as we could +in book-talk, and at first all was merry as a dinner-bell; but presently +Oswald, who was the "very perfect gentle knight," could not help +noticing that one of us was growing very silent and rather pale, like +people are when they have eaten something that disagrees with them +before they are quite sure of the fell truth. + +So he said, "What's up, Dentist, old man?" quite kindly and like a +perfect knight, though, of course, he was annoyed with Denny. It is +sickening when people turn pale in the middle of a game and everything +is spoiled, and you have to go home, and tell the spoiler how sorry you +are that he is knocked up, and pretend not to mind about the game being +spoiled. + +Denny said, "Nothing," but Oswald knew better. + +Then Alice said, "Let's rest a bit, Oswald, it _is_ hot." + +"Sir Oswald, if you please, Plain Pilgrim," returned her brother, +dignifiedly. "Remember I'm a knight." + +So then we sat down and had lunch, and Denny looked better. We played +adverbs, and twenty questions, and apprenticing your son, for a bit in +the shade, and then Dicky said it was time to set sail if we meant to +make the port of Canterbury that night. Of course, pilgrims reck not of +ports, but Dicky never does play the game thoughtfully. + +We went on. I believe we should have got to Canterbury all right and +quite early, only Denny got paler and paler, and presently Oswald saw, +beyond any doubt, that he was beginning to walk lame. + +"Shoes hurt you, Dentist?" he said, still with kind, striving +cheerfulness. + +"Not much--it's all right," returned the other. + +So on we went--but we were all a bit tired now--and the sun was hotter +and hotter; the clouds had gone away. We had to begin to sing to keep up +our spirits. We sang "The British Grenadiers" and "John Brown's Body," +which is grand to march to, and a lot of others. We were just starting +on "Tramp, tramp, tramp, the boys are marching," when Denny stopped +short. He stood first on one foot and then on the other, and suddenly +screwed up his face and put his knuckles in his eyes and sat down on a +heap of stones by the road-side. + +When we pulled his hands down he was actually crying. The author does +not wish to say it is babyish to cry. + +"Whatever is up?" we all asked, and Daisy and Dora petted him to get him +to say, but he only went on howling, and said it was nothing, only would +we go on and leave him, and call for him as we came back. + +Oswald thought very likely something had given Denny the stomach-ache, +and he did not like to say so before all of us, so he sent the others +away and told them to walk on a bit. + +Then he said, "Now, Denny, don't be a young ass. What is it? _Is_ it +stomach-ache?" + +And Denny stopped crying to say "No!" as loud as he could. + +"Well, then," Oswald said, "look here, you're spoiling the whole thing. +Don't be a jackape, Denny. What is it?" + +"You won't tell the others if I tell you?" + +"Not if you say not," Oswald answered in kindly tones. + +"Well, it's my shoes." + +"Take them off, man." + +"You won't laugh?" + +"NO!" cried Oswald, so impatiently that the others looked back to see +why he was shouting. He waved them away, and with humble gentleness +began to undo the black tape sandals. Denny let him, crying hard all the +time. + +When Oswald had got off the first shoe the mystery was made plain to +him. + +"Well! Of all the--," he said in proper indignation. + +Denny quailed--though he said he did not--but then he doesn't know what +quailing is, and if Denny did not quail then Oswald does not know what +quailing is either. + +For when Oswald took the shoe off he naturally chucked it down and gave +it a kick, and a lot of little pinky yellow things rolled out. And +Oswald looked closer at the interesting sight. And the little things +were _split pease_. + +"Perhaps you'll tell me," said the gentle knight, with the politeness of +despair, "why on earth you've played the goat like this?" + +"Oh, don't be angry," Denny said; and now his shoes were off, he curled +and uncurled his toes and stopped crying. "I _knew_ pilgrims put pease +in their shoes--and--oh, I wish you wouldn't laugh!" + +"I'm not," said Oswald, still with bitter politeness. + +"I didn't want to tell you I was going to, because I wanted to be better +than all of you, and I thought if you knew I was going to you'd want to +too, and you wouldn't when I said it first. So I just put some pease in +my pocket and dropped one or two at a time into my shoes when you +weren't looking." + +In his secret heart Oswald said, "Greedy young ass." For it _is_ greedy +to want to have more of anything than other people, even goodness. + +Outwardly Oswald said nothing. + +"You see," Denny went on,--"I do want to be good. And if pilgriming is +to do you good, you ought to do it properly. I shouldn't mind being +hurt in my feet if it would make me good for ever and ever. And besides, +I wanted to play the game thoroughly. You always say I don't." + +The breast of the kind Oswald was touched by these last words. + +"I think you're quite good enough," he said. "I'll fetch back the +others--no, they won't laugh." + +And we all went back to Denny, and the girls made a fuss with him. But +Oswald and Dicky were grave and stood aloof. They were old enough to see +that being good was all very well, but after all you had to get the boy +home somehow. + +When they said this, as agreeably as they could, Denny said: + +"It's all right--some one will give me a lift." + +"You think everything in the world can be put right with a lift," Dicky +said, and he did not speak lovingly. + +"So it can," said Denny, "when it's your feet. I shall easily get a lift +home." + +"Not here you won't," said Alice. "No one goes down this road; but the +high-road's just round the corner, where you see the telegraph wires." + +Dicky and Oswald made a sedan-chair and carried Denny to the high-road, +and we sat down in a ditch to wait. For a long time nothing went by but +a brewer's dray. We hailed it, of course, but the man was so sound +asleep that our hails were vain, and none of us thought soon enough +about springing like a flash to the horses' heads, though we all thought +of it directly the dray was out of sight. + +[Illustration: "A DOG-CART WITH A YOUNG LADY IN IT"] + +So we had to keep on sitting there by the dusty road, and more than one +pilgrim was heard to say it wished we had never come. Oswald was not one +of those who uttered this useless wish. + +At last, just when despair was beginning to eat into the vital parts of +even Oswald, there was a quick tap-tapping of horses' feet on the road, +and a dog-cart came in sight with a lady in it all alone. + +We hailed her like the desperate shipwrecked mariners in the long-boat +hail the passing sail. + +She pulled up. She was not a very old lady--twenty-five we found out +afterwards her age was--and she looked jolly. + +"Well," she said, "what's the matter?" + +"It's this poor little boy," Dora said, pointing to the Dentist, who had +gone to sleep in the dry ditch with his mouth open as usual. "His feet +hurt him so, and will you give him a lift?" + +"But why are you all rigged out like this?" asked the lady, looking at +our cockle-shells and sandals and things. + +We told her. + +"And how has he hurt his feet?" she asked. + +And we told her that. + +She looked very kind. "Poor little chap," she said. "Where do you want +to go?" + +We told her that too. We had no concealments from this lady. + +"Well," she said, "I have to go on to--what is its name?" + +"Canterbury," said H. O. + +"Well, yes, Canterbury," she said; "it's only about half a mile. I'll +take the poor little pilgrim--and, yes, the three girls. You boys must +walk. Then we'll have tea and see the sights, and I'll drive you +home--at least some of you. How will that do?" + +We thanked her very much indeed, and said it would do very nicely. + +Then we helped Denny into the cart, and the girls got up, and the red +wheels of the cart spun away through the dust. + +"I wish it had been an omnibus the lady was driving," said H. O., "then +we could all have had a ride." + +"Don't you be so discontented," Dicky said. + +And Noël said: + +"You ought to be jolly thankful you haven't got to carry Denny all the +way home on your back. You'd have had to if you'd been out alone with +him." + +When we got to Canterbury it was much smaller than we expected, and the +cathedral not much bigger than the church that is next to the Moat +House. There seemed to be only one big street, but we supposed the rest +of the city was hidden away somewhere. + +There was a large inn, with a green before it, and the red-wheeled +dog-cart was standing in the stable-yard, and the lady, with Denny and +the others, sitting on the benches in the porch looking out for us. The +inn was called the "George and Dragon," and it made me think of the +days when there were coaches and highwaymen and footpads and jolly +landlords, and adventures at country inns like you read about. + +"We've ordered tea," said the lady. "Would you like to wash your hands?" +We saw that she wished us to, so we said yes, we would. The girls and +Denny were already much cleaner than when we parted from them. + +There was a court-yard to the inn and a wooden staircase outside the +house. We were taken up this, and washed our hands in a big room with a +fourpost wooden bed and dark red hangings--just the sort of hangings +that would not show the stains of gore in the dear old adventurous +times. + +Then we had tea in a great big room with wooden chairs and tables, very +polished and old. + +It was very nice tea, with lettuces and cold meat and three kinds of +jam, as well as cake, and new bread, which we are not allowed at home. + +While tea was being had the lady talked to us. She was very kind. There +are two sorts of people in the world, besides others: one sort +understand what you're driving at and the other don't. This lady was the +one sort. + +After every one had had as much to eat as they could possibly want, the +lady said, "What was it you particularly wanted to see at Canterbury?" + +"The cathedral," Alice said, "and the place where Thomas à Becket was +murdered." + +"And the Danejohn," said Dicky. + +Oswald wanted to see the walls, because he likes the story of St. +Alphege and the Danes. + +"Well, well," said the lady, and she put on her hat; it was a really +sensible one--not a blob of fluffy stuff and feathers put on sideways +and stuck on with long pins, and no shade to your face, but almost as +big as ours, with a big brim and red flowers, and black strings to tie +under your chin to keep it from blowing off. + +Then we went out all together to see Canterbury. Dicky and Oswald took +it in turns to carry Denny on their backs. The lady called him "The +Wounded Comrade." + +We went first to the church. Oswald, whose quick brain was easily +aroused to suspicions, was afraid the lady might begin talking in the +church, but she did not. The church door was open. I remember mother +telling us once it was right and good for churches to be left open all +day, so that tired people could go in and be quiet, and say their +prayers if they wanted to. But it does not seem respectful to talk out +loud in church. (_See_ Note A.) + +When we got outside the lady said: "You can imagine how on the chancel +steps began the mad struggle in which Becket, after hurling one of his +assailants, armor and all, to the ground--" + +"It would have been much cleverer," H. O. interrupted, "to hurl him +without his armor, and leave that standing up." + +"Go on," said Alice and Oswald, when they had given H. O. a withering +glance. And the lady did go on. She told us all about Becket, and then +about St. Alphege, who had bones thrown at him till he died, because he +wouldn't tax his poor people to please the beastly rotten Danes. + +And Denny recited a piece of poetry he knows called "The Ballad of +Canterbury." + +It begins about Danish war-ships, snake-shaped, and ends about doing as +you'd be done by. It is long, but it has all the beef-bones in it, and +all about St. Alphege. + +Then the lady showed us the Danejohn, and it was like an oast-house. And +Canterbury walls that Alphege defied the Danes from looked down on a +quite common farmyard. The hospital was like a barn, and other things +were like other things, but we went all about and enjoyed it very much. +The lady was quite amusing, besides sometimes talking like a real +cathedral guide I met afterwards. (_See_ Note B.) When at last we said +we thought Canterbury was very small considering, the lady said: + +"Well, it seemed a pity to come so far and not at least _hear_ something +about Canterbury." + +And then at once we knew the worst, and Alice said: + +"What a horrid sell!" + +But Oswald, with immediate courteousness, said: + +"I don't care. You did it awfully well." + +And he did not say, though he owns he thought of it: + +"I knew it all the time," though it was a great temptation. Because +really it was more than half true. He had felt from the first that this +was too small for Canterbury. (_See_ Note C.) + +The real name of the place was Hazelbridge, and not Canterbury at all. +We went to Canterbury another time. (_See_ Note D.) + +We were not angry with the lady for selling us about it being +Canterbury, because she had really kept it up first-rate. And she asked +us if we minded, very handsomely, and we said we liked it. But now we +did not care how soon we got home. The lady saw this, and said: + +"Come, our chariots are ready, and our horses caparisoned." + +That is a first-rate word out of a book. It cheered Oswald up, and he +liked her for using it, though he wondered why she said chariots. When +we got back to the inn I saw her dog-cart was there, and a grocer's cart +too, with B. Munn, grocer, Hazelbridge, on it. She took the girls in her +cart, and the boys went with the grocer. His horse was a very good one +to go, only you had to hit it with the wrong end of the whip. But the +cart was very bumpety. + +The evening dews were falling--at least, I suppose so, but you do not +feel dew in a grocer's cart--when we reached home. We all thanked the +lady very much, and said we hoped we should see her again some day. She +said she hoped so. + +The grocer drove off, and when we had all shaken hands with the lady and +kissed her, according as we were boys or girls, or little boys, she +touched up her horse and drove away. + +She turned at the corner to wave to us, and just as we had done waving, +and were turning into the house, Albert's uncle came into our midst like +a whirling wind. He was in flannels, and his shirt had no stud in at the +neck, and his hair was all rumpled up and his hands were inky, and we +knew he had left off in the middle of a chapter by the wildness of his +eye. + +"Who was that lady?" he said. "Where did you meet her?" + +Mindful, as ever, of what he was told, Oswald began to tell the story +from the beginning. + +"The other day, protector of the poor," he began, "Dora and I were +reading about the Canterbury pilgrims--" + +Oswald thought Albert's uncle would be pleased to find his instructions +about beginning at the beginning had borne fruit, but instead he +interrupted. + +"Stow it, you young duffer! Where did you meet her?" + +Oswald answered briefly, in wounded accents, "Hazelbridge." + +Then Albert's uncle rushed up-stairs three at a time, and as he went he +called out to Oswald: + +"Get out my bike, old man, and blow up the back tire." + +I am sure Oswald was as quick as any one could have been, but long ere +the tire was thoroughly blowed Albert's uncle appeared, with a +collar-stud and tie and blazer, and his hair tidy, and wrenched the +unoffending machine from Oswald's surprised fingers. + +Albert's uncle finished pumping up the tire, and then, flinging himself +into the saddle, he set off, scorching down the road at a pace not +surpassed by any highwayman, however black and high-mettled his steed. + +We were left looking at each other. + +"He must have recognized her," Dicky said. + +"Perhaps," Noël said, "she is the old nurse who alone knows the dark +secret of his high-born birth." + +"Not old enough, by chalks," Oswald said. + +"I shouldn't wonder," said Alice, "if she holds the secret of the will +that will make him rolling in long-lost wealth." + +"I wonder if he'll catch her," Noël said. "I'm quite certain all his +future depends on it. Perhaps she's his long-lost sister, and the estate +was left to them equally, only she couldn't be found, so it couldn't be +shared up." + +"Perhaps he's only in love with her," Dora said; "parted by cruel fate +at an early age, he has ranged the wide world ever since trying to find +her." + +"I hope to goodness he hasn't--anyway, he's not ranged since we knew +him--never farther than Hastings," Oswald said. "We don't want any of +that rot." + +"What rot?" Daisy asked. And Oswald said: + +"Getting married, and all that sort of rubbish." + +And Daisy and Dora were the only ones that didn't agree with him. Even +Alice owned that being bridesmaids must be fairly good fun. It's no +good. You may treat girls as well as you like, and give them every +comfort and luxury, and play fair just as if they were boys, but there +is something unmanly about the best of girls. They go silly, like milk +goes sour, without any warning. + +When Albert's uncle returned he was very hot, with a beaded brow, but +pale as the Dentist when the pease were at their worst. + +"Did you catch her?" H. O. asked. + +Albert's uncle's brow looked black as the cloud the thunder will +presently break from. + +"No," he said. + +"Is she your long-lost nurse?" H. O. went on, before we could stop him. + +"Long-lost grandmother! I knew the lady long ago in India," said +Albert's uncle, as he left the room, slamming the door in a way we +should be forbidden to. + +And that was the end of the Canterbury Pilgrimage. + +As for the lady, we did not then know whether she was his long-lost +grandmother that he had known in India or not, though we thought she +seemed youngish for the part. We found out afterwards whether she was or +not, but that comes in another part. His manner was not the one that +makes you go on asking questions. + +The Canterbury Pilgriming did not exactly make us good, but then, as +Dora said, we had not done anything wrong that day. So we were +twenty-four hours to the good. + + * * * * * + +_Note A._--Afterwards we went and saw real Canterbury. It is very large. +A disagreeable man showed us round the cathedral, and jawed all the time +quite loud as if it wasn't a church. I remember one thing he said. It +was this: + +"This is the Dean's Chapel; it was the Lady Chapel in the wicked days +when people used to worship the Virgin Mary." + +And H. O. said, "I suppose they worship the Dean now?" + +Some strange people who were there laughed out loud. I think this is +worse in church than not taking your cap off when you come in, as H. O. +forgot to do, because the cathedral was so big he didn't think it was a +church. + +_Note B._ (_See_ Note C.) + +_Note C._ (_See_ Note D.) + +_Note D._ (_See_ Note E.) + +_Note E._ (_See_ Note A.) + +This ends the Canterbury Pilgrims. + + + + +THE DRAGON'S TEETH; OR ARMY-SEED + + +Albert's uncle was out on his bicycle as usual. After the day when we +became Canterbury Pilgrims and were brought home in the dog-cart with +red wheels by the lady he told us was his long-lost grandmother he had +known years ago in India, he spent not nearly so much of his time in +writing, and he used to shave every morning instead of only when +requisite, as in earlier days. And he was always going out on his +bicycle in his new Norfolk suit. We are not so unobserving as grown-up +people make out. We knew well enough he was looking for the long-lost. +And we jolly well wished he might find her. Oswald, always full of +sympathy with misfortune, however undeserved, had himself tried several +times to find the lady. So had the others. But all this is what they +call a digression; it has nothing to do with the dragon's teeth I am now +narrating. + +It began with the pig dying--it was the one we had for the circus, but +it having behaved so badly that day had nothing to do with its illness +and death, though the girls said they felt remorse, and perhaps if we +hadn't made it run so that day it might have been spared to us. But +Oswald cannot pretend that people were right just because they happen to +be dead, and as long as that pig was alive we all knew well enough that +it was it that made us run--and not us it. + +The pig was buried in the kitchen garden. Bill, that we made the +tombstone for, dug the grave, and while he was away at his dinner we +took a turn at digging, because we like to be useful, and besides, when +you dig you never know what you may turn up. I knew a man once that +found a gold ring on the point of his fork when he was digging potatoes, +and you know how we found two half-crowns ourselves once when we were +digging for treasure. + +Oswald was taking his turn with the spade, and the others were sitting +on the gravel and telling him how to do it. + +"Work with a will," Dicky said, yawning. + +Alice said: "I wish we were in a book. People in books never dig without +finding something. I think I'd rather it was a secret passage than +anything." + +Oswald stopped to wipe his honest brow ere replying. + +"A secret's nothing when you've found it out. Look at the secret +staircase. It's no good, not even for hide-and-seek, because of its +squeaking. I'd rather have the pot of gold we used to dig for when we +were little." It was really only last year, but you seem to grow old +very quickly after you have once passed the prime of your youth, which +is at ten, I believe. + +"How would you like to find the mouldering bones of Royalist soldiers +foully done to death by nasty Ironsides?" Noël asked, with his mouth +full of plum. + +"If they were really dead it wouldn't matter," Dora said. "What I'm +afraid of is a skeleton that can walk about and catch at your legs when +you're going up-stairs to bed." + +"Skeletons can't walk," Alice said in a hurry; "you know they can't, +Dora." + +And she glared at Dora till she made her sorry she had said what she +had. The things you are frightened of, or even those you would rather +not meet in the dark, should never be mentioned before the little ones, +or else they cry when it comes to bedtime, and say it was because of +what you said. + +"We sha'n't find anything. No jolly fear," said Dicky. + +And just then my spade I was digging with struck on something hard, and +it felt hollow. I did really think for one joyful space that we had +found that pot of gold. But the thing, whatever it was, seemed to be +longish; longer, that is, than a pot of gold would naturally be. And as +I uncovered it I saw that it was not at all pot-of-gold-color, but like +a bone Pincher has buried. So Oswald said: + +"It _is_ the skeleton." + +The girls all drew back, and Alice said, "Oswald, I wish you wouldn't." + +A moment later the discovery was unearthed, and Oswald lifted it up with +both hands. + +"It's a dragon's head," Noël said, and it certainly looked like it. It +was long and narrowish and bony, and with great yellow teeth sticking in +the jaw. + +Bill came back just then and said it was a horse's head, but H. O. and +Noël would not believe it, and Oswald owns that no horse he has ever +seen had a head at all that shape. + +But Oswald did not stop to argue, because he saw a keeper who showed me +how to set snares going by, and he wanted to talk to him about ferrets, +so he went off, and Dicky and Denny and Alice with him. Also Daisy and +Dora went off to finish reading _Ministering Children_. So H. O. and +Noël were left with the bony head. They took it away. + +The incident had quite faded from the mind of Oswald next day. But just +before breakfast Noël and H. O. came in, looking hot and anxious. They +had got up early and had not washed at all--not even their hands and +faces. Noël made Oswald a secret signal. All the others saw it, and with +proper delicate feeling pretended not to have. + +When Oswald had gone out with Noël and H. O., in obedience to the secret +signal, Noël said: + +"You know that dragon's head yesterday?" + +"Well?" Oswald said, quickly, but not crossly--the two things are quite +different. + +"Well, you know what happened in Greek history when some chap sowed +dragon's teeth?" + +"They came up armed men," said H. O.; but Noël sternly bade him shut up, +and Oswald said "Well," again. If he spoke impatiently it was because he +smelled the bacon being taken in to breakfast. + +"Well," Noël went on, "what do you suppose would have come up if we'd +sowed those dragon's teeth we found yesterday?" + +"Why, nothing, you young duffer," said Oswald, who could now smell the +coffee. "All that isn't History--it's Humbug. Come on in to brekker." + +"It's _not_ humbug," H. O. cried, "it _is_ history. We _did_ sow--" + +"Shut up," said Noël again. "Look here, Oswald. We did sow those +dragon's teeth in Randall's ten-acre meadow, and what do you think has +come up?" + +"Toadstools, I should think," was Oswald's contemptible rejoinder. + +"They have come up a camp of soldiers," said Noël--"_armed men_. So you +see it _was_ history. We have sowed army-seed, just like Cadmus, and it +has come up. It was a very wet night. I dare say that helped it along." + +Oswald could not decide which to disbelieve--his brother or his ears. So +disguising his doubtful emotions without a word, he led the way to the +bacon and the banqueting hall. + +He said nothing about the army-seed then, neither did Noël and H. O. +But after the bacon we went into the garden, and then the good elder +brother said: + +"Why don't you tell the others your cock-and-bull story?" + +So they did, and their story was received with warm expressions of +doubt. It was Dicky who observed: + +"Let's go and have a squint at Randall's ten-acre, anyhow. I saw a hare +there the other day." + +We went. It is some little way, and as we went disbelief reigned superb +in every breast except Noël's and H. O.'s, so you will see that even the +ready pen of the present author cannot be expected to describe to you +his variable sensations when he got to the top of the hill and suddenly +saw that his little brothers had spoken the truth. I do not mean that +they generally tell lies, but people make mistakes sometimes and the +effect is the same as lies if you believe them. + +There _was_ a camp there with real tents and soldiers in gray and red +tunics. I dare say the girls would have said coats. We stood in ambush, +too astonished even to think of lying in it, though of course we know +that this is customary. The ambush was the wood on top of the little +hill, between Randall's ten-acre meadow and Sugden's Waste Wake pasture. + +"There would be cover here for a couple of regiments," whispered Oswald, +who was, I think, gifted by Fate with the far-seeingness of a born +general. + +Alice merely said "Hist," and we went down to mingle with the troops as +though by accident, and seek for information. + +The first man we came to at the edge of the camp was cleaning a sort of +cauldron thing like witches brew bats in. + +We went up to him and said, "Who are you? Are you English, or are you +the enemy?" + +"We're the enemy," he said, and he did not seem ashamed of being what he +was. And he spoke English with quite a good accent for a foreigner. + +"The enemy!" Oswald echoed, in shocked tones. It is a terrible thing to +a loyal and patriotic youth to see an enemy cleaning a pot in an English +field, with English sand, and looking as much at home as if he was in +his foreign fastnesses. + +The enemy seemed to read Oswald's thoughts with deadly unerringness. He +said: + +"The English are somewhere over on the other side of the hill. They are +trying to keep us out of Maidstone." + +After this our plan of mingling with the troops did not seem worth going +on with. This soldier, in spite of his unerringness in reading Oswald's +inmost heart, seemed not so very sharp in other things, or he would +never have given away his secret plans like this, for he must have known +from our accents that we were Britons to the backbone. Or perhaps +(Oswald thought this, and it made his blood at once boil and freeze, +which our uncle had told us was possible, but only in India), perhaps he +thought that Maidstone was already as good as taken and it didn't +matter what he said. While Oswald was debating within his intellect what +to say next, and how to say it so as to discover as many as possible of +the enemy's dark secrets, Noël said: + +"How did you get here? You weren't here yesterday at tea-time." + +The soldier gave the pot another sandy rub, and said: + +"I dare say it does seem quick work--the camp seems as if it had sprung +up in the night, doesn't it?--like a mushroom." + +Alice and Oswald looked at each other, and then at the rest of us. The +words "_sprung up in the night_" seemed to touch a string in every +heart. + +"You see," whispered Noël, "he won't tell us how he came here. _Now_, is +it humbug or history?" + +Oswald, after whisperedly requesting his young brother to dry up and not +bother, remarked: + +"Then you're an invading army?" + +"Well," said the soldier, "we're a skeleton battalion, as a matter of +fact, but we're invading all right enough." + +And now indeed the blood of the stupidest of us froze, just as the +quick-witted Oswald's had done earlier in the interview. Even H. O. +opened his mouth and went the color of mottled soap; he is so fat that +this is the nearest he can go to turning pale. + +Denny said, "But you don't look like skeletons." + +The soldier stared, then he laughed and said: "Ah, that's the padding +in our tunics. You should see us in the gray dawn taking our morning +bath in a bucket." + +It was a dreadful picture for the imagination. A skeleton, with its +bones all loose most likely, bathing anyhow in a pail. There was a +silence while we thought it over. + +Now, ever since the cleaning-cauldron soldier had said that about taking +Maidstone, Alice had kept on pulling at Oswald's jacket behind, and he +had kept on not taking any notice. But now he could not stand it any +longer, so he said, "Well, what is it?" + +Alice drew him aside, or rather, she pulled at his jacket so that he +nearly fell over backwards, and then she whispered, "Come along, don't +stay parleying with the foe. He's only talking to you to gain time." + +"What for?" said Oswald. + +"Why, so that we shouldn't warn the other army, you silly," Alice said, +and Oswald was so upset by what she said that he forgot to be properly +angry with her for the wrong word she used. + +"But we ought to warn them at home," she said; "suppose the Moat House +was burned down, and all the supplies commandeered for the foe?" + +Alice turned boldly to the soldier. "_Do_ you burn down farms?" she +asked. + +"Well, not as a rule," he said, and he had the cheek to wink at Oswald, +but Oswald would not look at him. "We've not burned a farm since--oh, +not for years." + +"A farm in Greek history it was, I expect," Denny murmured. + +"Civilized warriors do not burn farms nowadays," Alice said, sternly, +"whatever they did in Greek times. You ought to know that." + +The soldier said things had changed a good deal since Greek times. So we +said good-morning as quickly as we could: it is proper to be polite even +to your enemy, except just at the moments when it has really come to +rifles and bayonets or other weapons. + +The soldier said, "So long!" in quite a modern voice, and we retraced +our footsteps in silence to the ambush--I mean the wood. Oswald did +think of lying in the ambush then, but it was rather wet, because of the +rain the night before, that H. O. said had brought the army-seed up. And +Alice walked very fast, saying nothing but "Hurry up, can't you!" and +dragging H. O. by one hand and Noël by the other. So we got into the +road. + +Then Alice faced round and said, "This is all our fault. If we hadn't +sowed those dragon's teeth there wouldn't have been any invading army." + +I am sorry to say Daisy said, "Never mind, Alice, dear. _We_ didn't sow +the nasty things, did we, Dora?" + +But Denny told her it was just the same. It was _we_ had done it, so +long as it was any of us, especially if it got any of us into trouble. +Oswald was very pleased to see that the Dentist was beginning to +understand the meaning of true manliness, and about the honor of the +house of Bastable, though of course he is only a Foulkes. Yet it is +something to know he does his best to learn. + +If you are very grown-up, or very clever, I dare say you will now have +thought of a great many things. If you have you need not say anything, +especially if you're reading this aloud to anybody. It's no good putting +in what you think in this part, because none of us thought anything of +the kind at the time. + +We simply stood in the road without any of your clever thoughts, filled +with shame and distress to think of what might happen owing to the +dragon's teeth being sown. It was a lesson to us never to sow seed +without being quite sure what sort it is. This is particularly true of +the penny packets, which sometimes do not come up at all, quite unlike +dragon's teeth. + +Of course H. O. and Noël were more unhappy than the rest of us. This was +only fair. + +"How can we possibly prevent their getting to Maidstone?" Dicky said. +"Did you notice the red cuffs on their uniforms? Taken from the bodies +of dead English soldiers, I shouldn't wonder." + +"If they're the old Greek kind of dragon's-teeth soldiers they ought to +fight each other to death," Noël said; "at least, if we had a helmet to +throw among them." + +But none of us had, and it was decided that it would be no use for H. +O. to go back and throw his straw hat at them, though he wanted to. + +Denny said, suddenly: + +"Couldn't we alter the sign-posts, so that they wouldn't know the way to +Maidstone?" + +Oswald saw that this was the time for true generalship to be shown. He +said: + +"Fetch all the tools out of your chest--Dicky go too, there's a good +chap, and don't let him cut his legs with the saw." He did once, +tumbling over it. "Meet us at the cross-roads, you know, where we had +the Benevolent Bar. Courage and despatch, and look sharp about it." + +When they had gone we hastened to the cross-roads, and there a great +idea occurred to Oswald. He used the forces at his command so ably that +in a very short time the board in the field which says "No thoroughfare. +Trespassers will be prosecuted" was set up in the middle of the road to +Maidstone. We put stones, from a heap by the road, behind it to make it +stand up. + +Then Dicky and Denny came back, and Dicky shinned up the sign-post and +sawed off the two arms, and we nailed them up wrong, so that it said "To +Maidstone" on the Dover Road, and "To Dover" on the road to Maidstone. +We decided to leave the Trespassers board on the real Maidstone road, as +an extra guard. + +Then we settled to start at once to warn Maidstone. + +Some of us did not want the girls to go, but it would have been unkind +to say so. However, there was at least one breast that felt a pang of +joy when Dora and Daisy gave out that they would rather stay where they +were and tell anybody who came by which was the real road. + +"Because it would be so dreadful if some one was going to buy pigs or +fetch a doctor or anything in a hurry and then found they had got to +Dover instead of where they wanted to go to," Dora said. But when it +came to dinner-time they went home, so that they were entirely out of +it. This often happens to them by some strange fatalism. + +We left Martha to take care of the two girls, and Lady and Pincher went +with us. It was getting late in the day, but I am bound to remember no +one said anything about their dinners, whatever they may have thought. +We cannot always help our thoughts. We happened to know it was roast +rabbits and currant jelly that day. + +We walked two and two, and sang the "British Grenadiers" and "Soldiers +of the Queen" so as to be as much part of the British army as possible. +The Cauldron-Man had said the English were the other side of the hill. +But we could not see any scarlet anywhere, though we looked for it as +carefully as if we had been fierce bulls. + +But suddenly we went round a turn in the road and came plump into a lot +of soldiers. Only they were not red-coats. They were dressed in gray and +silver. And it was a sort of furzy-common place, and three roads +branching out. The men were lying about, with some of their belts +undone, smoking pipes and cigarettes. + +"It's not British soldiers," Alice said. "Oh, dear, oh, dear, I'm afraid +it's more enemy. You didn't sow the army-seed anywhere else, did you, H. +O., dear?" + +H. O. was positive he hadn't. "But perhaps lots more came up where we +did sow them," he said; "they're all over England by now, very likely. +_I_ don't know how many men can grow out of one dragon's tooth." + +Then Noël said, "It was my doing, anyhow, and I'm not afraid," and he +walked straight up to the nearest soldier, who was cleaning his pipe +with a piece of grass, and said: + +"Please, are you the enemy?" The man said: + +"No, young commander-in-chief, we're the English." + +Then Oswald took command. + +"Where is the general?" he said. + +"We're out of generals just now, field-marshal," the man said, and his +voice was a gentleman's voice. "Not a single one in stock. We might suit +you in majors now--and captains are quite cheap. Competent corporals +going for a song. And we have a very nice colonel, too--quiet to ride or +drive." + +Oswald does not mind chaff at proper times. But this was not one. + +"You seem to be taking it very easy," he said, with disdainful +expression. + +"This _is_ an easy," said the gray soldier, sucking at his pipe to see +if it would draw. + +"I suppose _you_ don't care if the enemy gets into Maidstone or not!" +exclaimed Oswald, bitterly. "If I were a soldier I'd rather die than be +beaten." + +The soldier saluted. "Good old patriotic sentiment," he said, smiling at +the heartfelt boy. But Oswald could bear no more. + +"Which is the colonel?" he asked. + +"Over there--near the gray horse." + +"The one lighting a cigarette?" H. O. asked. + +"Yes--but I say, kiddie, he won't stand any jaw. There's not an ounce of +vice about him, but he's peppery. He might kick out. You'd better bunk." + +"Better what?" asked H. O. + +"Bunk, bottle, scoot, skip, vanish, exit," said the soldier. + +"That's what you'd do when the fighting begins," said H. O. He is often +rude like that--but it was what we all thought, all the same. The +soldier only laughed. + +A spirited but hasty altercation among ourselves in whispers ended in +our allowing Alice to be the one to speak to the colonel. It was she who +wanted to. "However peppery he is he won't kick a girl," she said, and +perhaps this was true. + +But of course we all went with her. So there were six of us to stand in +front of the colonel. And as we went along we agreed that we would +salute him on the word three. So when we got near, Dick said, "One, +two, three," and we all saluted very well--except H. O., who chose that +minute to trip over a rifle a soldier had left lying about, and was only +saved from falling by a man in a cocked hat who caught him deftly by the +back of his jacket and stood him up on his legs. + +"Let go, can't you," said H. O. "Are you the general?" + +Before the Cocked Hat had time to frame a reply, Alice spoke to the +colonel. I knew what she meant to say, because she had told me as we +threaded our way among the resting soldiery. What she really said was: + +"Oh, how _can_ you!" + +"How can I _what_?" said the colonel, rather crossly. + +"Why, _smoke_?" said Alice. + +"My good children, if you're an infant Band of Hope, let me recommend +you to play in some other back yard," said the Cocked-Hatted Man. + +H. O. said, "Band of Hope yourself"--but no one noticed it. + +"We're _not_ a Band of Hope," said Noël. "We're British, and the man +over there told us you are. And Maidstone's in danger, and the enemy not +a mile off, and you stand _smoking_." Noël was standing crying, himself, +or something very like it. + +"It's quite true," Alice said. + +The colonel said, "Fiddle de dee." + +But the Cocked-Hatted Man said, "What was the enemy like?" + +[Illustration: "SO WE LED HIM ALONG TO THE AMBUSH"] + +We told him exactly. And even the colonel then owned there might be +something in it. + +"Can you show me the place where they are on the map?" he asked. + +"Not on the map, we can't," said Dicky; "at least, I don't think so, but +on the ground we could. We could take you there in a quarter of an +hour." + +The Cocked-Hatted One looked at the colonel, who returned his scrutiny; +then he shrugged his shoulders. + +"Well, we've got to do something," he said, as if to himself. "Lead on, +Macduff!" + +The colonel roused his soldiery from their stupor of pipes by words of +command which the present author is sorry he can't remember. + +Then he bade us boys lead the way. I tell you it felt fine, marching at +the head of a regiment. Alice got a lift on the Cocked-Hatted One's +horse. It was a red-roan steed of might, exactly as if it had been in a +ballad. They call a gray-roan a "blue" in South Africa, the +Cocked-Hatted One said. + +We led the British army by unfrequented lanes till we got to the gate of +Sugden's Waste Wake pasture. Then the colonel called a whispered halt, +and choosing two of us to guide him, the dauntless and discerning +commander went on, on foot, with an orderly. He chose Dicky and Oswald +as guides. So we led him to the ambush, and we went through it as +quietly as we could. But twigs do crackle and snap so when you are +reconnoitring, or anxious to escape detection for whatever reason. + +Our Colonel's orderly crackled most. If you're not near enough to tell a +colonel by the crown and stars on his shoulder-strap, you can tell him +by the orderly behind him, like "follow my leader." + +"Look out!" said Oswald in a low but commanding whisper, "the camp's +down in that field. You can see if you take a squint through this gap." + +The speaker took a squint himself as he spoke, and drew back, baffled +beyond the power of speech. While he was struggling with his baffledness +the British Colonel had his squint. He also drew back, and said a word +that he must have known was not right--at least when he was a boy. + +"I don't care," said Oswald, "they were there this morning. White tents +like mushrooms, and an enemy cleaning a caldron." + +"With sand," said Dicky. + +"That's most convincing," said the Colonel, and I did not like the way +he said it. + +"I say," Oswald said, "let's get to the top corner of the ambush--the +wood, I mean. You can see the cross-roads from there." + +We did, and quickly, for the crackling of branches no longer dismayed +our almost despairing spirits. + +We came to the edge of the wood, and Oswald's patriotic heart really did +give a jump, and he cried, "There they are, on the Dover Road." + +Our miscellaneous sign-board had done its work. + +"By Jove, young un, you're right! And in quarter column, too! We've got +'em on toast--on toast, egad!" + +I never heard any one not in a book say "egad" before, so I saw +something really out of the way was indeed up. + +The Colonel was a man of prompt and decisive action. He sent the orderly +to tell the Major to advance two companies on the left flank and take +cover. Then we led him back through the wood the nearest way, because he +said he must rejoin the main body at once. We found the main body Very +friendly with Noël and H. O. and the others, and Alice was talking to +the Cocked-Hatted One as if she had known him all her life. "I think +he's a general in disguise," Noël said. "He's been giving us chocolate +out of a pocket in his saddle." Oswald thought about the roast rabbit +then--and he is not ashamed to own it--yet he did not say a word. But +Alice is really not a bad sort. She had saved two bars of chocolate for +him and Dicky. Even in war girls can sometimes be useful in their humble +way. + +The Colonel fussed about and said, "Take cover there!" and everybody hid +in the ditch, and the horses and the Cocked Hat, with Alice, retreated +down the road out of sight. We were in the ditch too. It was muddy--but +nobody thought of their boots in that perilous moment. It seemed a long +time we were crouching there. Oswald began to feel the water squelching +in his boots; so we held our breath and listened. Oswald laid his ear +to the road like a Red Indian. You would not do this in time of peace, +but when your county is in danger you care but little about keeping your +ears clean. His backwoods strategy was successful. He rose and dusted +himself and said: + +"They're coming!" + +It was true. The footsteps of the approaching foe were now to be heard +quite audibly, even by ears in their natural position. The wicked enemy +approached. They were marching with a careless swaggeringness that +showed how little they suspected the horrible doom which was about to +teach them England's might and supremeness. Just as the enemy turned the +corner so that we could see them, the Colonel shouted: + +"Right section, fire!" and there was a deafening banging. + +The enemy's officer said something, and then the enemy got confused and +tried to get into the fields through the hedges. But all was vain. There +was firing now from our men, on the left as well as the right. And then +our Colonel strode nobly up to the enemy's Colonel and demanded +surrender. He told me so afterwards. His exact words are only known to +himself and the other Colonel. But the enemy's Colonel said, "I would +rather die than surrender," or words to that effect. + +Our Colonel returned to his men and gave the order to fix bayonets, and +even Oswald felt his manly cheek turn pale at the thought of the amount +of blood about to be shed. What would have happened can never now be +revealed. For at this moment a man on a piebald horse came clattering +over a hedge--as carelessly as if the air was not full of lead and steel +at all. Another man rode behind him with a lance and a red pennon on it. +I think he must have been the enemy's General coming to tell his men not +to throw away their lives on a forlorn hope, for directly he said they +were captured the enemy gave in and owned that they were. The enemy's +Colonel saluted and ordered his men to form quarter column again. I +should have thought he would have had about enough of that myself. + +He had now given up all thought of sullen resistance to the bitter end. +He rolled a cigarette for himself, and had the foreign cheek to say to +our Colonel: + +"By Jove, old man, you got me clean that time! Your scouts seem to have +marked us down uncommonly neatly." + +It was a proud moment when our Colonel laid his military hand on +Oswald's shoulder and said: + +"This is my chief scout," which were high words, but not undeserved, and +Oswald owns he felt red with gratifying pride when he heard them. + +"So you are the traitor, young man," said the wicked Colonel, going on +with his cheek. + +Oswald bore it because our Colonel had, and you should be generous to a +fallen foe, but it is hard to be called a traitor when you haven't. + +He did not treat the wicked Colonel with silent scorn as he might have +done, but he said: + +"We aren't traitors. We are the Bastables and one of us is a Foulkes. We +only mingled unsuspected with the enemy's soldiery and learned the +secret of their acts, which is what Baden-Powell always does when the +natives rebel in South Africa; and Denis Foulkes thought of altering the +sign-posts to lead the foe astray. And if we did cause all this +fighting, and get Maidstone threatened with capture and all that, it was +only because we didn't believe Greek things could happen in Great +Britain and Ireland, even if you sow dragon's teeth, and besides, some +of us were not asked about sowing them." + +Then the Cocked-Hatted One led his horse and walked with us and made us +tell him all about it, and so did the Colonel. The wicked Colonel +listened too, which was only another proof of his cheek. + +And Oswald told the tale in the modest yet manly way that some people +think he has, and gave the others all the credit they deserved. His +narration was interrupted no less than four times by shouts of "Bravo!" +in which the enemy's Colonel once more showed his cheek by joining. By +the time the story was told we were in sight of another camp. It was the +British one this time. The Colonel asked us to have tea in his tent, and +it only shows the magnanimosity of English chivalry in the field of +battle that he asked the enemy's Colonel too. With his usual cheek he +accepted. We were jolly hungry. + +When every one had had as much tea as they possibly could, the Colonel +shook hands with us all, and to Oswald he said: + +"Well, good-bye, my brave scout. I must mention your name in my +despatches to the War Office." + +H. O. interrupted him to say, "His name's Oswald Cecil Bastable, and +mine is Horace Octavius." I wish H. O. would learn to hold his tongue. +No one ever knows Oswald was christened Cecil as well, if he can +possibly help it. _You_ didn't know it till now. + +"Mr. Oswald Bastable," the Colonel went on--he had the decency not to +take any notice of the "Cecil"--"you would be a credit to any regiment. +No doubt the War Office will reward you properly for what you have done +for your country. But meantime, perhaps, you'll accept five shillings +from a grateful comrade-in-arms." + +Oswald felt heart-feltly sorry to wound the good Colonel's feelings, but +he had to remark that he had only done his duty, and he was sure no +British scout would take five bob for doing that. "And besides," he +said, with that feeling of justice which is part of his young character, +"it was the others just as much as me." + +"Your sentiments, sir," said the Colonel, who was one of the politest +and most discerning colonels I ever saw, "your sentiments do you honor. +But, Bastables all, and--and non-Bastables" (he couldn't remember +Foulkes; it's not such an interesting name as Bastable, of course), "at +least you'll accept a soldier's pay?" + +"Lucky to touch it, a shilling a day!" Alice and Denny said together. +And the Cocked-Hatted Man said something about knowing your own mind and +knowing your own Kipling. + +"A soldier," said the Colonel, "would certainly be lucky to touch it. +You see there are deductions for rations. Five shillings is exactly +right, deducting twopence each for six teas." + +This seemed cheap for the three cups of tea and the three eggs and all +the strawberry-jam and bread-and-butter Oswald had had, as well as what +the others ate, and Lady's and Pincher's teas, but I suppose soldiers +get things cheaper than civilians, which is only right. + +Oswald took the five shillings then, there being no longer any scruples +why he should not. + +Just as we had parted from the brave Colonel and the rest we saw a +bicycle coming. It was Albert's uncle. He got off and said: + +"What on earth have you been up to? What were you doing with those +volunteers?" + +We told him the wild adventures of the day, and he listened, and then he +said he would withdraw the word volunteers if we liked. + +But the seeds of doubt were sown in the breast of Oswald. He was now +almost sure that we had made jolly fools of ourselves without a moment's +pause throughout the whole of this eventful day. He said nothing at the +time, but after supper he had it out with Albert's uncle about the word +which had been withdrawn. + +Albert's uncle said, of course, no one could be sure that the dragon's +teeth hadn't come up in the good old-fashioned way, but that, on the +other hand, it was barely possible that both the British and the enemy +were only volunteers having a field-day or sham fight, and he rather +thought the Cocked-Hatted Man was not a general, but a doctor. And the +man with a red pennon carried behind him _might_ have been the umpire. + +Oswald never told the others a word of this. Their young breasts were +all panting with joy because they had saved their country; and it would +have been but heartless unkindness to show them how silly they had been. +Besides, Oswald felt he was much too old to have been so taken in--if he +_had_ been. Besides, Albert's uncle did say that no one could be sure +about the dragon's teeth. + +The thing that makes Oswald feel most that, perhaps, the whole thing was +a beastly sell was that we didn't see any wounded. But he tries not to +think of this. And if he goes into the army when he grows up, he will +not go quite green. He has had experience of the arts of war and the +tented field. And a real colonel has called him "Comrade-in-Arms," which +is exactly what Lord Roberts called his own soldiers when he wrote home +about them. + + + + +ALBERT'S UNCLE'S GRANDMOTHER; OR, THE LONG-LOST + + +The shadow of the termination now descended in sable thunder-clouds upon +our devoted nobs. As Albert's uncle said, "School now gaped for its +prey." In a very short space of time we should be wending our way back +to Blackheath, and all the variegated delightfulness of the country +would soon be only preserved in memory's faded flowers. (I don't care +for that way of writing very much. It would be an awful swat to keep it +up--looking out the words and all that.) + +To speak in the language of every-day life, our holiday was jolly nearly +up. We had had a ripping time, but it was all but over. We really did +feel sorry--though, of course, it was rather decent to think of getting +back to father and being able to tell the other chaps about our raft, +and the dam, and the Tower of Mystery, and things like that. + +When but a brief time was left to us, Oswald and Dicky met by chance in +an apple-tree. (That sounds like "consequences," but it is mere +truthfulness.) Dicky said: + +"Only four more days." Oswald said, "Yes." + +[Illustration: THE COUNCIL IN THE APPLE-TREE] + +"There's one thing," Dicky said, "that beastly society. We don't want +that swarming all over everything when we get home. We ought to dissolve +it before we leave here." + +The following dialogue now took place: + +_Oswald_--"Right you are. I always said it was piffling rot." + +_Dicky_--"So did I." + +_Oswald_--"Let's call a council. But don't forget we've jolly well got +to put our foot down." + +Dicky assented, and the dialogue concluded with apples. + +The council, when called, was in but low spirits. This made Oswald's and +Dicky's task easier. When people are sunk in gloomy despair about one +thing, they will agree to almost anything about something else. (Remarks +like this are called philosophic generalizations, Albert's uncle says.) +Oswald began by saying: + +"We've tried the society for being good in, and perhaps it's done us +good. But now the time has come for each of us to be good or bad on his +own, without hanging on to the others." + + "The race is run by one and one, + But never by two and two," + +the Dentist said. The others said nothing. Oswald went on: "I move that +we chuck--I mean dissolve--the Wouldbegoods Society; its appointed task +is done. If it's not well done, that's _its_ fault and not ours." Dicky +said, "Hear! hear! I second this prop." + +The unexpected Dentist said, "I third it. At first I thought it would +help, but afterwards I saw it only made you want to be naughty, just +because you were a Wouldbegood." + +Oswald owns he was surprised. We put it to the vote at once, so as not +to let Denny cool. H. O. and Noël and Alice voted with us, so Daisy and +Dora were what is called a hopeless minority. We tried to cheer their +hopelessness by letting them read the things out of the Golden Deed book +aloud. Noël hid his face in the straw so that we should not see the +faces he made while he made poetry instead of listening, and when the +Wouldbegoods was by vote dissolved forever he sat up, with straws in his +hair, and said: + + +"THE EPITAPH + + "The Wouldbegoods are dead and gone, + But not the golden deeds they have done. + These will remain upon Glory's page + To be an example to every age, + And by this we have got to know + How to be good upon our ow--N. + +N is for Noël, that makes the rhyme and the sense both right. O.W.N., +own; do you see?" + +We saw it, and said so, and the gentle poet was satisfied. And the +council broke up. Oswald felt that a weight had been lifted from his +expanding chest, and it is curious that he never felt so inclined to be +good and a model youth as he did then. + +As we went down the ladder out of the loft he said: + +"There's one thing we ought to do, though, before we go home. We ought +to find Albert's uncle's long-lost grandmother for him." + +Alice's heart beat true and steadfast. She said: "That's just exactly +what Noël and I were saying this morning. Look out, Oswald, you wretch, +you're kicking chaff into my eyes." She was going down the ladder just +under me. + +Oswald's young sister's thoughtful remark ended in another council. But +not in the straw loft. We decided to have a quite new place, and +disregarded H. O.'s idea of the dairy and Noël's of the cellars. We had +the new council on the secret staircase, and there we settled exactly +what we ought to do. This is the same thing, if you really wish to be +good, as what you are going to do. It was a very interesting council, +and when it was over Oswald was so pleased to think that the +Wouldbegoods was unrecoverishly dead that he gave Denny and Noël, who +were sitting on the step below him, a good-humored, playful, gentle, +loving, brotherly shove, and said, "Get along down, it's tea-time!" + +No reader who understands justice and the real rightness of things, and +who is to blame for what, will ever think it could have been Oswald's +fault that the two other boys got along down by rolling over and over +each other, and bursting the door at the bottom of the stairs open by +their revolving bodies. And I should like to know whose fault it was +that Mrs. Pettigrew was just on the other side of that door at that very +minute? The door burst open, and the impetuous bodies of Noël and Denny +rolled out of it into Mrs. Pettigrew, and upset her and the tea-tray. +Both revolving boys were soaked with tea and milk, and there were one or +two cups and things smashed. Mrs. Pettigrew was knocked over, but none +of her bones were broken. Noël and Denny were going to be sent to bed, +but Oswald said it was all his fault. He really did this to give the +others a chance of doing a refined, golden deed by speaking the truth +and saying it was _not_ his fault. But you cannot really count on any +one. They did not say anything, but only rubbed the lumps on their +late-revolving heads. So it was bed for Oswald, and he felt the +injustice hard. + +But he sat up in bed and read the _Last of the Mohicans_, and then he +began to think. When Oswald really thinks he almost always thinks of +something. He thought of something now, and it was miles better than the +idea we had decided on in the secret staircase, of advertising in the +_Kentish Mercury_ and saying if Albert's uncle's long-lost grandmother +would call at the Moat House she might hear of something much to her +advantage. + +What Oswald thought of was that if we went to Hazelbridge and asked Mr. +B. Munn, grocer, that drove us home in the cart with the horse that +liked the wrong end of the whip best, he would know who the lady was in +the red hat and red wheels that paid him to drive us home that +Canterbury night. He must have been paid, of course, for even grocers +are not generous enough to drive perfect strangers, and five of them +too, about the country for nothing. + +Thus we may learn that even unjustness and sending the wrong people to +bed may bear useful fruit, which ought to be a great comfort to every +one when they are unfairly treated. Only it most likely won't be. For if +Oswald's brothers and sisters had nobly stood by him, as he expected, he +would not have had the solitudy reflections that led to the great scheme +for finding the grandmother. + +Of course when the others came up to roost they all came and squatted on +Oswald's bed and said how sorry they were. He waived their apologies +with noble dignity, because there wasn't much time, and said he had an +idea that would knock the council's plan into a cocked hat. But he would +not tell them what it was. He made them wait till next morning. This was +not sulks, but kind feeling. He wanted them to have something else to +think of besides the way they hadn't stood by him in the bursting of the +secret staircase door and the tea-tray and the milk. + +Next morning Oswald kindly explained, and asked who would volunteer for +a forced march to Hazelbridge. The word volunteer cost the young Oswald +a pang as soon as he had said it, but I hope he can bear pangs with any +man living. "And mind," he added, hiding the pang under a general-like +severeness, "I won't have any one in the expedition who has anything in +his shoes except his feet." + +This could not have been put more delicately and decently. But Oswald is +often misunderstood. Even Alice said it was unkind to throw the pease up +at Denny. When this little unpleasantness had passed away (it took some +time, because Daisy cried, and Dora said, "There now, Oswald!") there +were seven volunteers, which, with Oswald, made eight, and was, indeed, +all of us. There were no cockle-shells, or tape-sandals, or staves, or +scrips, or anything romantic and pious about the eight persons who set +out for Hazelbridge that morning, more earnestly wishful to be good and +deedful--at least Oswald, I know was--than ever they had been in the +days of the beastly Wouldbegood Society. It was a fine day. Either it +was fine nearly all last summer, which is how Oswald remembers it, or +else nearly all the interesting things we did came on fine days. + +With hearts light and gay, and no pease in any one's shoes, the walk to +Hazelbridge was perseveringly conducted. We took our lunch with us, and +the dear dogs. Afterwards we wished for a time that we had left one of +them at home. But they did so want to come, all of them, and Hazelbridge +is not nearly as far as Canterbury, really, so even Martha was allowed +to put on her things--I mean her collar--and come with us. She walks +slowly, but we had the day before us, so there was no extra hurry. + +At Hazelbridge we went into B. Munn's grocer's shop and asked for +ginger-beer to drink. They gave it us, but they seemed surprised at us +wanting to drink it there, and the glass was warm--it had just been +washed. We only did it, really, so as to get into conversation with B. +Munn, grocer, and extract information without rousing suspicion. You +cannot be too careful. + +However, when we had said it was first-class ginger-beer, and paid for +it, we found it not so easy to extract anything more from B. Munn, +grocer; and there was an anxious silence while he fiddled about behind +the counter among the tinned meats and sauce bottles, with a fringe of +hob-nailed boots hanging over his head. + +H. O. spoke suddenly. He is like the sort of person who rushes in where +angels fear to tread, as Denny says (say what sort of person that is). +He said: + +"I say, you remember driving us home that day. Who paid for the cart?" + +Of course B. Munn, grocer, was not such a nincompoop (I like that word, +it means so many people I know) as to say right off. He said: + +"I was paid all right, young gentleman. Don't you terrify yourself." + +People in Kent say terrify when they mean worry. + +So Dora shoved in a gentle oar. She said: + +"We want to know the kind lady's name and address, so that we can write +and thank her for being so jolly that day." + +B. Munn, grocer, muttered something about the lady's address being goods +he was often asked for. Alice said, "But do tell us. We forgot to ask +her. She's a relation of a second-hand uncle of ours, and I do so want +to thank her properly. And if you've got any extra strong peppermints at +a penny an ounce, we should like a quarter of a pound." + +This was a master-stroke. While he was weighing out the peppermints his +heart got soft, and just as he was twisting up the corner of the paper +bag, Dora said, "What lovely fat peppermints! Do tell us." + +And B. Munn's heart was now quite melted, and he said: + +"It's Miss Ashleigh, and she lives at The Cedars--about a mile down the +Maidstone Road." + +We thanked him, and Alice paid for the peppermints. Oswald was a little +anxious when she ordered such a lot, but she and Noël had got the money +all right, and when we were outside on Hazelbridge Green (a good deal of +it is gravel, really), we stood and looked at each other. + +Then Dora said: + +"Let's go home and write a beautiful letter and all sign it." + +Oswald looked at the others. Writing is all very well, but it's such a +beastly long time to wait for anything to happen afterwards. + +The intelligent Alice divined his thoughts, and the Dentist divined +hers--he is not clever enough yet to divine Oswald's--and the two said +together: + +"Why not go and see her?" + +"She _did_ say she would like to see us again some day," Dora replied. +So after we had argued a little about it we went. + +And before we had gone a hundred yards down the dusty road Martha began +to make us wish with all our hearts we had not let her come. She began +to limp, just as a pilgrim, who I will not name, did when he had the +split pease in his silly, palmering shoes. + +So we called a halt and looked at her feet. One of them was quite +swollen and red. Bulldogs almost always have something the matter with +their feet, and it always comes on when least required. They are not the +right breed for emergencies. + +There was nothing for it but to take it in turns to carry her. She is +very stout, and you have no idea how heavy she is. A half-hearted, +unadventurous person (I name no names, but Oswald, Alice, Noël, H. O., +Dicky, Daisy, and Denny will understand me) said, why not go straight +home and come another day without Martha? But the rest agreed with +Oswald when he said it was only a mile, and perhaps we might get a lift +home with the poor invalid. Martha was very grateful to us for our +kindness. She put her fat white arms round the person's neck who +happened to be carrying her. She is very affectionate, but by holding +her very close to you you can keep her from kissing your face all the +time. As Alice said, "Bulldogs do give you such large, wet, pink +kisses." + +A mile is a good way when you have to take your turn at carrying Martha. + +At last we came to a hedge with a ditch in front of it, and chains +swinging from posts to keep people off the grass and out of the ditch, +and a gate with "The Cedars" on it in gold letters. All very neat and +tidy, and showing plainly that more than one gardener was kept. There we +stopped. Alice put Martha down, grunting with exhaustedness, and said: + +"Look here, Dora and Daisy, I don't believe a bit that it's his +grandmother. I'm sure Dora was right, and it's only his horrid +sweetheart. I feel it in my bones. Now, don't you really think we'd +better chuck it; we're sure to catch it for interfering. We always do." + +"The cross of true love never did come smooth," said the Dentist. "We +ought to help him to bear his cross." + +"But if we find her for him, and she's not his grandmother, he'll +_marry_ her," Dicky said, in tones of gloominess and despair. + +Oswald felt the same, but he said, "Never mind. We should all hate it, +but perhaps Albert's uncle _might_ like it. You can never tell. If you +want to do a really unselfish action and no kid, now's your time, my +late Wouldbegoods." + +No one had the face to say right out that they didn't want to be +unselfish. + +But it was with sad hearts that the unselfish seekers opened the long +gate and went up the gravel drive between the rhododendrons and other +shrubberies towards the house. + +I think I have explained to you before that the eldest son of anybody is +called the representative of the family if his father isn't there. This +was why Oswald now took the lead. When we got to the last turn of the +drive it was settled that the others were to noiselessly ambush in the +rhododendrons, and Oswald was to go on alone and ask at the house for +the grandmother from India--I mean Miss Ashleigh. + +So he did, but when he got to the front of the house and saw how neat +the flower-beds were with red geraniums, and the windows all bright and +speckless with muslin blinds and brass rods, and a green parrot in a +cage in the porch, and the doorstep newly whited, lying clean and +untrodden in the sunshine, he stood still and thought of his boots and +how dusty the roads were, and wished he had not gone into the farmyard +after eggs before starting that morning. As he stood there in anxious +uncertainness he heard a low voice among the bushes. It said, "Hist! +Oswald, here!" and it was the voice of Alice. + +So he went back to the others among the shrubs, and they all crowded +round their leader, full of impartable news. + +"She's not in the house; she's _here_," Alice said, in a low whisper +that seemed nearly all S's. "Close by--she went by just this minute with +a gentleman." + +"And they're sitting on a seat under a tree on a little lawn, and she's +got her head on his shoulder, and he's holding her hand. I never saw any +one look so silly in all my born," Dicky said. + +"It's sickening," Denny said, trying to look very manly with his legs +wide apart. + +"I don't know," Oswald whispered. "I suppose it wasn't Albert's uncle?" + +"Not much," Dicky briefly replied. + +"Then don't you see it's all right. If she's going on like that with +this other fellow, she'll want to marry him, and Albert's uncle is safe. +And we've really done an unselfish action without having to suffer for +it afterwards." With a stealthy movement Oswald rubbed his hands as he +spoke in real joyfulness. We decided that we had better bunk unnoticed. +But we had reckoned without Martha. She had strolled off limping to look +about her a bit in the shrubbery. "Where's Martha?" Dora suddenly said. + +"She went that way," pointingly remarked H. O. + +"Then fetch her back, you young duffer! What did you let her go for?" +Oswald said; "and look sharp. Don't make a row." + +He went. A minute later we heard a hoarse squeak from Martha--the one +she always gives when suddenly collared from behind--and a little squeal +in a lady-like voice, and a man say "Hallo!" and then we knew that H. O. +had once more rushed in where angels might have thought twice about it. +We hurried to the fatal spot, but it was too late. We were just in time +to hear H. O. say: + +[Illustration: "ARE YOU GOING TO MARRY THE LADY?"] + +"I'm sorry if she frightened you. But we've been looking for you. Are +you Albert's uncle's long-lost grandmother?" + +"_No_," said our lady, unhesitatingly. + +It seemed vain to add seven more agitated actors to the scene now going +on. We stood still. The man was standing up. He was a clergyman, and I +found out afterwards he was the nicest we ever knew, except our own Mr. +Bristow at Lewisham, who is now a canon, or a dean, or something grand +that no one ever sees. At present I did not like him. He said: "No, this +lady is nobody's grandmother. May I ask in return how long it is since +you escaped from the lunatic asylum, my poor child, and where your +keeper is?" + +H. O. took no notice of this at all, except to say: "I think you are +very rude, and not at all funny, if you think you are." + +The lady said: "My dear, I remember you now perfectly. How are all the +others, and are you pilgrims again to-day?" + +H. O. does not always answer questions. He turned to the man and said: + +"Are you going to marry the lady?" + +"Margaret," said the clergyman, "I never thought it would come to this: +he asks me my intentions!" + +"If you _are_," said H. O., "it's all right; because if you do, Albert's +uncle can't--at least, not till you're dead. And we don't want him to." + +"Flattering, upon my word," said the clergyman, putting on a deep frown. +"Shall I call him out, Margaret, for his poor opinion of you, or shall I +send for the police?" + +Alice now saw that H. O., though firm, was getting muddled and rather +scared. She broke cover and sprang into the middle of the scene. + +"Don't let him rag H. O. any more," she said, "it's all our faults. You +see, Albert's uncle was so anxious to find you, we thought perhaps you +were his long-lost heiress sister or his old nurse who alone knew the +secret of his birth, or something, and we asked him, and he said you +were his long-lost grandmother he had known in India. And we thought +that must be a mistake and that really you were his long-lost +sweetheart. And we tried to do a really unselfish act and find you for +him. Because we don't want him to be married at all." + +"It isn't because we don't like _you_," Oswald cut in, now emerging from +the bushes; "and if he must marry, we'd sooner it was you than any one. +Really we would." + +"A generous concession, Margaret," the strange clergyman uttered, "most +generous, but the plot thickens. It's almost pea-soup-like now. One or +two points clamor for explanation. Who are these visitors of yours? Why +this Red Indian method of paying morning calls? Why the lurking attitude +of the rest of the tribe which I now discern among the undergrowth? +Won't you ask the rest of the tribe to come out and join the glad +throng?" + +Then I liked him better. I always like people who know the same songs we +do, and books and tunes and things. + +The others came out. The lady looked very uncomfy, and partly as if she +was going to cry. But she couldn't help laughing, too, as more and more +of us came out. + +"And who," the clergyman went on--"who in fortune's name is Albert? And +who is his uncle? And what have they or you to do in this _galère_--I +mean garden?" + +We all felt rather silly, and I don't think I ever felt more than then +what an awful lot there were of us. + +"Three years' absence in Calcutta or elsewhere may explain my ignorance +of these details, but still--" + +"I think we'd better go," said Dora. "I'm sorry if we've done anything +rude or wrong. We didn't mean to. Good-bye. I hope you'll be happy with +the gentleman, I'm sure." + +"I _hope_ so too," said Noël, and I know he was thinking how much nicer +Albert's uncle was. We turned to go. The lady had been very silent +compared with what she was when she pretended to show us Canterbury. But +now she seemed to shake off some dreamy silliness, and caught hold of +Dora by the shoulder. + +"No, dear, no," she said, "it's all right, and you must have some +tea--we'll have it on the lawn. John, don't tease them any more. +Albert's uncle is the gentleman T told you about. And, my dear +children, this is my brother that I haven't seen for three years." + +"Then he's a long-lost too," said H. O. + +The lady said, "Not now," and smiled at him. And the rest of us were +dumb with confounding emotions. Oswald was particularly dumb. He might +have known it was her brother, because in rotten grown-up books if a +girl kisses a man in a shrubbery that is not the man you think she's in +love with; it always turns out to be a brother, though generally the +disgrace of the family and not a respectable chaplain from Calcutta. + +The lady now turned to her reverend and surprising brother and said: +"John, go and tell them we'll have tea on the lawn." + +When he was gone she stood quite still a minute. Then she said: "I'm +going to tell you something, but I want to put you on your honor not to +talk about it to other people. You see it isn't every one I would tell +about it. He, Albert's uncle, I mean, has told me a lot about you, and I +know I can trust you." + +We said "Yes," Oswald with a brooding sentiment of knowing all too well +what was coming next. + +The lady then said: "Though I am not Albert's uncle's grandmother, I did +know him in India once, and we were going to be married, but we had +a--a--misunderstanding." + +"Quarrel?" "Row?" said Noël and H. O. at once. + +"Well, yes, a quarrel, and he went away. He was in the Navy then. And +then,... well, we were both sorry; but well, anyway, when his ship came +back we'd gone to Constantinople, then to England, and he couldn't find +us. And he says he's been looking for me ever since." + +"Not you for him?" said Noël. + +"Well, perhaps," said the lady. + +And the girls said "Ah!" with deep interest. The lady went on more +quickly. "And then I found you, and then he found me, and now I must +break it to you. Try to bear up...." + +She stopped. The branches crackled, and Albert's uncle was in our midst. +He took off his hat. "Excuse my tearing my hair," he said to the lady, +"but has the pack really hunted you down?" + +"It's all right," she said, and when she looked at him she got miles +prettier quite suddenly. "I was just breaking to them...." + +"Don't take that proud privilege from me," he said. "Kiddies, allow me +to present you to the future Mrs. Albert's uncle, or shall we say +Albert's new aunt?" + + * * * * * + +There was a good deal of explaining done before tea--about how we got +there, I mean, and why. But after the first bitterness of disappointment +we felt not nearly so sorry as we had expected to. For Albert's uncle's +lady was very jolly to us, and her brother was awfully decent, and +showed us a lot of first-class native curiosities and things, unpacking +them on purpose: skins of beasts, and beads, and brass things, and +shells from different savage lands besides India. And the lady told the +girls that she hoped they would like her as much as she liked them, and +if they wanted a new aunt she would do her best to give satisfaction in +the new situation. And Alice thought of the Murdstone aunt belonging to +Daisy and Denny, and how awful it would have been if Albert's uncle had +married _her_. And she decided, she told me afterwards, that we might +think ourselves jolly lucky it was no worse. + +Then the lady led Oswald aside, pretending to show him the parrot, which +he had explored thoroughly before, and told him she was not like some +people in books. When she was married she would never try to separate +her husband from his bachelor friends, she only wanted them to be her +friends as well. + +Then there was tea, and thus all ended in amicableness, and the reverend +and friendly drove us home in a wagonette. But for Martha we shouldn't +have had tea, or explanations, or lift, or anything. So we honored her, +and did not mind her being so heavy and walking up and down constantly +on our laps as we drove home. + + * * * * * + +And that is all the story of the long-lost grandmother and Albert's +uncle. I am afraid it is rather dull, but it was very important (to +him), so I felt it ought to be narrated. Stories about lovers and +getting married are generally slow. I like a love-story where the hero +parts with the girl at the garden-gate in the gloaming and goes off and +has adventures, and you don't see her any more till he comes home to +marry her at the end of the book. And I suppose people have to marry. +Albert's uncle is awfully old--more than thirty, and the lady is +advanced in years--twenty-six next Christmas. They are to be married +then. The girls are to be bridesmaids in white frocks with fur. This +quite consoles them. If Oswald repines sometimes, he hides it. What's +the use? We all have to meet our fell destiny, and Albert's uncle is not +extirpated from this awful law. + +Now the finding of the long-lost was the very last thing we did for the +sake of its being a noble act, so that is the end of the Wouldbegoods, +and there are no more chapters after this. But Oswald hates books that +finish up without telling you the things you might want to know about +the people in the book. So here goes. We went home to the beautiful +Blackheath house. It seemed very stately and mansion-like after the Moat +House, and every one was most frightfully pleased to see us. + +Mrs. Pettigrew _cried_ when we went away. I never was so astonished in +my life. She made each of the girls a fat red pincushion like a heart, +and each of us boys had a knife bought out of the housekeeping (I mean +housekeeper's own) money. + +Bill Simpkins is happy as sub-under-gardener to Albert's uncle's lady's +mother. They do keep three gardeners--I knew they did. And our tramp +still earns enough to sleep well on from our dear old Pig-man. + +Our last three days were entirely filled up with visits of farewell +sympathy to all our many friends who were so sorry to lose us. We +promised to come and see them next year. I hope we shall. + +Denny and Daisy went back to live with their father at Forest Hill. I +don't think they'll ever be again the victims of the Murdstone aunt--who +is really a great-aunt and about twice as much in the autumn of her days +as our new Albert's uncle aunt. I think they plucked up spirit enough to +tell their father they didn't like her--which they'd never thought of +doing before. Our own robber says their holidays in the country did them +both a great deal of good. And he says us Bastables have certainly +taught Daisy and Denny the rudiments of the art of making home happy. I +believe they have thought of several quite new naughty things entirely +on their own--and done them too--since they came back from the Moat +House. + +I wish you didn't grow up so quickly. Oswald can see that ere long he +will be too old for the kind of games we can all play, and he feels +grown-upness creeping inordiously upon him. But enough of this. + +And now, gentle reader, farewell. If anything in these chronicles of the +Wouldbegoods should make you try to be good yourself, the author will be +very glad, of course. But take my advice and don't make a society for +trying in. It is much easier without. + +And do try to forget that Oswald has another name besides Bastable. The +one beginning with C., I mean. Perhaps you have not noticed what it was. +If so, don't look back for it. It is a name no manly boy would like to +be called by--if he spoke the truth. Oswald is said to be a very manly +boy, and he despises that name, and will never give it to his own son +when he has one. Not if a rich relative offered to leave him an immense +fortune if he did. Oswald would still be firm. He would, on the honor of +the House of Bastable. + + +THE END + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Wouldbegoods, by E. 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Nesbit + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Wouldbegoods + +Author: E. Nesbit + +Illustrator: Reginald B. Birch + +Release Date: May 21, 2010 [EBook #32466] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WOULDBEGOODS *** + + + + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Josephine Paolucci and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net. +(This file was produced from images generously made +available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 412px;"> +<img src="images/cover.jpg" width="412" height="650" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<h1>THE WOULDBEGOODS</h1> + +<p><a name="front" id="front"></a></p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 492px;"> +<img src="images/gs01.jpg" width="492" height="650" alt="See p. 47 + +"'AND PATRIOTIC,' SAID HE"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">See p. 47<br /> + +"'AND PATRIOTIC,' SAID HE"</span> +</div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><i>THE WOULDBEGOODS</i></h2> + +<h3><span class="smcap">By</span> E. NESBIT</h3> + +<h4>ILLUSTRATED BY</h4> + +<h3>REGINALD B. BIRCH</h3> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 147px;"> +<img src="images/tp.jpg" width="147" height="125" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<p class="center"> +HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS<br /> +NEW YORK AND LONDON<br /> +<br /> +<br /> +Copyright, 1900, 1901, by <span class="smcap">Edith Nesbit Bland</span>.<br /> +<br /> +<i>All rights reserved.</i><br /> +<br /> +September, 1901.<br /> +<br /> +<br /> +TO<br /> +<br /> +MY DEAR SON<br /> +<br /> +FABIAN BLAND<br /> +</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>CONTENTS</h2> + +<p> +<span class="tocnum">PAGE</span><br /> +<br /> +<span class="smcap">The Jungle</span> <span class="tocnum"><a href='#Page_1'>1</a></span><br /> +<br /> +<span class="smcap">The Wouldbegoods</span> <span class="tocnum"><a href='#Page_20'>20</a></span><br /> +<br /> +<span class="smcap">Bill's Tombstone</span> <span class="tocnum"><a href='#Page_43'>43</a></span><br /> +<br /> +<span class="smcap">The Tower of Mystery</span> <span class="tocnum"><a href='#Page_63'>63</a></span><br /> +<br /> +<span class="smcap">The Water-works</span> <span class="tocnum"><a href='#Page_86'>86</a></span><br /> +<br /> +<span class="smcap">The Circus</span> <span class="tocnum"><a href='#Page_111'>111</a></span><br /> +<br /> +<span class="smcap">Being Beavers; or, The Young Explorers (Arctic or Otherwise</span>) <span class="tocnum"><a href='#Page_135'>135</a></span><br /> +<br /> +<span class="smcap">The High-Born Babe</span> <span class="tocnum"><a href='#Page_159'>159</a></span><br /> +<br /> +<span class="smcap">Hunting the Fox</span> <span class="tocnum"><a href='#Page_178'>178</a></span><br /> +<br /> +<span class="smcap">The Sale of Antiquities</span> <span class="tocnum"><a href='#Page_201'>201</a></span><br /> +<br /> +<span class="smcap">The Benevolent Bar</span> <span class="tocnum"><a href='#Page_224'>224</a></span><br /> +<br /> +<span class="smcap">The Canterbury Pilgrims</span> <span class="tocnum"><a href='#Page_243'>243</a></span><br /> +<br /> +<span class="smcap">The Dragon's Teeth; or, Army-Seed</span> <span class="tocnum"><a href='#Page_267'>267</a></span><br /> +<br /> +<span class="smcap">Albert's Uncle's Grandmother; or, The Long-Lost</span> <span class="tocnum"><a href='#Page_292'>292</a></span><br /> +</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>ILLUSTRATIONS</h2> + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" summary=""> +<tr><td align='left'>"'AND PATRIOTIC,' SAID HE"</td><td colspan="2"><i><a href="#front">Frontispiece</a></i></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"WE LET THE HOSE PLAY PERSEVERINGLY"</td><td align='left'><i>Facing p.</i></td><td align='left'><a href="#Page_16">16</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"'LITTLE BEASTS!' SAID DICK"</td><td align='center'>"</td><td align='left'><a href="#Page_30">30</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"DENNY HELD ALICE'S AND NOËL'S HANDS"</td><td align='center'>"</td><td align='left'><a href="#Page_84">84</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"DICKY DRAGGED THE TWO HEAVY BARS"</td><td align='center'>"</td><td align='left'><a href="#Page_98">98</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"'OH, DEAR! OH, DEAR!'"</td><td align='center'>"</td><td align='left'><a href="#Page_104">104</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"HE SAT DOWN IN THE HEDGE TO LAUGH PROPERLY"</td><td align='center'>"</td><td align='left'><a href="#Page_128">128</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"FOUND HIMSELF THE DEGRADED NURSE-MAID OF A SMALL BUT FURIOUS KID"</td><td align='center'>"</td><td align='left'><a href="#Page_172">172</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"'WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?'"</td><td align='center'>"</td><td align='left'><a href="#Page_192">192</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"THEN WE PUT IN THE JUGS AND FILLED IT UP WITH EARTH"</td><td align='center'>"</td><td align='left'><a href="#Page_212">212</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"'I THINK YOU MUST LET ME LOOK INSIDE'"</td><td align='center'>"</td><td align='left'><a href="#Page_222">222</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"OSWALD ACTUALLY HIT OUT AT THE BIG MAN"</td><td align='center'>"</td><td align='left'><a href="#Page_240">240</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"A DOG-CART WITH A YOUNG LADY IN IT"</td><td align='center'>"</td><td align='left'><a href="#Page_256">256</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"SO WE LED HIM ALONG TO THE AMBUSH"</td><td align='center'>"</td><td align='left'><a href="#Page_282">282</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>THE COUNCIL IN THE APPLE-TREE</td><td align='center'>"</td><td align='left'><a href="#Page_292">292</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>"'AND ARE YOU GOING TO MARRY THIS LADY?'"</td><td align='center'>"</td><td align='left'><a href="#Page_304">304</a></td></tr> +</table></div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</a></span></p> +<h2>THE WOULDBEGOODS</h2> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>THE JUNGLE</h2> + +<div class="drop"> +<img src="images/drop_c.jpg" width="125" height="125" alt="C" class="cap" /> + +<p class="cap_3">"Children are like jam: all very well in the proper place, but you can't +stand them all over the shop—eh, what?"</p></div> + +<p>These were the dreadful words of our Indian uncle. They made us feel +very young and angry; and yet we could not be comforted by calling him +names to ourselves, as you do when nasty grown-ups say nasty things, +because he is not nasty, but quite the exact opposite when not +irritated. And we could not think it ungentlemanly of him to say we were +like jam, because, as Alice says, jam is very nice indeed—only not on +furniture and improper places like that. My father said, "Perhaps they +had better go to boarding-school." And that was awful, because we know +father disapproves of boarding-schools. And he looked at us and said, "I +am ashamed of them, sir!"</p> + +<p>Your lot is indeed a dark and terrible one when your father is ashamed +of you. And we all knew<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a></span> this, so that we felt in our chests just as if +we had swallowed a hard-boiled egg whole. At least, this is what Oswald +felt, and father said once that Oswald, as the eldest, was the +representative of the family, so, of course, the others felt the same.</p> + +<p>And then everybody said nothing for a short time. At last father said:</p> + +<p>"You may go—but remember—" The words that followed I am not going to +tell you. It is no use telling you what you know before—as they do in +schools. And you must all have had such words said to you many times. We +went away when it was over. The girls cried, and we boys got out books +and began to read, so that nobody should think we cared. But we felt it +deeply in our interior hearts, especially Oswald, who is the eldest and +the representative of the family.</p> + +<p>We felt it all the more because we had not really meant to do anything +wrong. We only thought perhaps the grown-ups would not be quite pleased +if they knew, and that is quite different. Besides, we meant to put all +the things back in their proper places when we had done with them before +any one found out about it. But I must not anticipate (that means +telling the end of a story before the beginning. I tell you this because +it is so sickening to have words you don't know in a story, and to be +told to look it up in the dicker).</p> + +<p>We are the Bastables—Oswald, Dora, Dicky, Alice, Noël, and H. O. If you +want to know why we call our youngest brother H. O. you can jolly<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span> well +read <i>The Treasure Seekers</i> and find out. We were the Treasure Seekers, +and we sought it high and low, and quite regularly, because we +particularly wanted to find it. And at last we did not find it, but we +were found by a good, kind Indian uncle, who helped father with his +business, so that father was able to take us all to live in a jolly big +red house on Blackheath, instead of in the Lewisham Road, where we lived +when we were only poor but honest Treasure Seekers. When we were poor +but honest we always used to think that if only father had plenty of +business, and we did not have to go short of pocket-money and wear +shabby clothes (I don't mind this myself, but the girls do), we should +be quite happy and very, very good.</p> + +<p>And when we were taken to the beautiful big Blackheath house we thought +now all would be well, because it was a house with vineries and +pineries, and gas and water, and shrubberies and stabling, and replete +with every modern convenience, like it says in Dyer & Hilton's list of +Eligible House Property. I read all about it, and I have copied the +words quite right.</p> + +<p>It is a beautiful house, all the furniture solid and strong, no casters +off the chairs, and the tables not scratched, and the silver not dented; +and lots of servants, and the most decent meals every day—and lots of +pocket-money.</p> + +<p>But it is wonderful how soon you get used to things, even the things you +want most. Our watches, for instance. We wanted them frightfully;<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span> but +when I had had mine a week or two, after the mainspring got broken and +was repaired at Bennett's in the village, I hardly cared to look at the +works at all, and it did not make me feel happy in my heart any more, +though, of course, I should have been very unhappy if it had been taken +away from me. And the same with new clothes and nice dinners and having +enough of everything. You soon get used to it all, and it does not make +you extra happy, although, if you had it all taken away, you would be +very dejected. (That is a good word, and one I have never used before.) +You get used to everything, as I said, and then you want something more. +Father says this is what people mean by the deceitfulness of riches; but +Albert's uncle says it is the spirit of progress, and Mrs. Leslie said +some people called it "divine discontent." Oswald asked them all what +they thought, one Sunday at dinner. Uncle said it was rot, and what we +wanted was bread and water and a licking; but he meant it for a joke. +This was in the Easter holidays.</p> + +<p>We went to live at Morden House at Christmas. After the holidays the +girls went to the Blackheath High School, and we boys went to the Prop. +(that means the Proprietary School). And we had to swot rather during +term; but about Easter we knew the deceitfulness of riches in the vac., +when there was nothing much on, like pantomimes and things. Then there +was the summer term, and we swotted more than ever; and it was boiling +hot, and masters' tempers got short<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span> and sharp, and the girls used to +wish the exams, came in cold weather. I can't think why they don't. But +I suppose schools don't think of sensible things like that. They teach +botany at girls' schools.</p> + +<p>Then the midsummer holidays came, and we breathed again—but only for a +few days. We began to feel as if we had forgotten something, and did not +know what it was. We wanted something to happen—only we didn't exactly +know what. So we were very pleased when father said:</p> + +<p>"I've asked Mr. Foulkes to send his children here for a week or two. You +know—the kids who came at Christmas. You must be jolly to them, and see +that they have a good time, don't you know."</p> + +<p>We remembered them right enough—they were little pinky, frightened +things, like white mice, with very bright eyes. They had not been to our +house since Christmas, because Denis, the boy, had been ill, and they +had been with an aunt at Ramsgate.</p> + +<p>Alice and Dora would have liked to get the bedrooms ready for the +honored guests, but a really good housemaid is sometimes more ready to +say "don't" than even a general. So the girls had to chuck it. Jane only +let them put flowers in the pots on the visitors' mantel-pieces, and +then they had to ask the gardener which kind they might pick, because +nothing worth gathering happened to be growing in our own gardens just +then.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span></p> + +<p>Their train got in at 12.27. We all went to meet them. Afterwards I +thought that was a mistake, because their aunt was with them, and she +wore black with beady things and a tight bonnet, and she said, when we +took our hats off, "Who are you?" quite crossly.</p> + +<p>We said, "We are the Bastables; we've come to meet Daisy and Denny."</p> + +<p>The aunt is a very rude lady, and it made us sorry for Daisy and Denny +when she said to them:</p> + +<p>"<i>Are</i> these the children? Do you remember them?"</p> + +<p>We weren't very tidy, perhaps, because we'd been playing brigands in the +shrubbery; and we knew we should have to wash for dinner as soon as we +got back, anyhow. But still—</p> + +<p>Denny said he thought he remembered us. But Daisy said, "Of course they +are," and then looked as if she was going to cry.</p> + +<p>So then the aunt called a cab, and told the man where to drive, and put +Daisy and Denny in, and then she said:</p> + +<p>"You two little girls may go too, if you like, but you little boys must +walk."</p> + +<p>So the cab went off, and we were left. The aunt turned to us to say a +few last words. We knew it would have been about brushing your hair and +wearing gloves, so Oswald said, "Good-bye," and turned haughtily away, +before she could begin, and so did the others. No one but that kind of +black, beady, tight lady would say "little boys." She is like Miss +Murdstone in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span> <i>David Copperfield</i>. I should like to tell her so; but she +would not understand. I don't suppose she has ever read anything but +<i>Markham's History</i> and <i>Mangnall's Questions</i>—improving books like +that.</p> + +<p>When we got home we found all four of those who had ridden in the cab +sitting in our sitting-room—we don't call it nursery now—looking very +thoroughly washed, and our girls were asking polite questions and the +others were saying "Yes" and "No" and "I don't know." We boys did not +say anything. We stood at the window and looked out till the gong went +for our dinner. We felt it was going to be awful—and it was. The +new-comers would never have done for knight-errants, or to carry the +cardinal's sealed message through the heart of France on a horse; they +would never have thought of anything to say to throw the enemy off the +scent when they got into a tight place.</p> + +<p>They said, "Yes, please," and "No, thank you"; and they ate very neatly, +and always wiped their mouths before they drank, as well as after, and +never spoke with them full.</p> + +<p>And after dinner it got worse and worse.</p> + +<p>We got out all our books, and they said, "Thank you," and didn't look at +them properly. And we got out all our toys, and they said, "Thank you, +it's very nice," to everything. And it got less and less pleasant, and +towards tea-time it came to nobody saying anything except Noël and H. +O.—and they talked to each other about cricket.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span></p> + +<p>After tea father came in, and he played "Letters" with them and the +girls, and it was a little better; but while late dinner was going on—I +shall never forget it. Oswald felt like the hero of a book—"almost at +the end of his resources." I don't think I was ever glad of bedtime +before, but that time I was.</p> + +<p>When they had gone to bed (Daisy had to have all her strings and buttons +undone for her, Dora told me, though she is nearly ten, and Denny said +he couldn't sleep without the gas being left a little bit on) we held a +council in the girls' room. We all sat on the bed—it is a mahogany +four-poster with green curtains very good for tents, only the +housekeeper doesn't allow it, and Oswald said:</p> + +<p>"This is jolly nice, isn't it?"</p> + +<p>"They'll be better to-morrow," Alice said; "they're only shy."</p> + +<p>Dicky said shy was all very well, but you needn't behave like a perfect +idiot.</p> + +<p>"They're frightened. You see, we're all strange to them," Dora said.</p> + +<p>"We're not wild beasts or Indians; we sha'n't eat them. What have they +got to be frightened of?" Dicky said this.</p> + +<p>Noël told us he thought they were an enchanted prince and princess who'd +been turned into white rabbits, and their bodies had got changed back, +but not their insides.</p> + +<p>But Oswald told him to dry up.</p> + +<p>"It's no use making things up about them," he said. "The thing is: what +are we going to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span> <i>do</i>? We can't have our holidays spoiled by these +snivelling kids."</p> + +<p>"No," Alice said, "but they can't possibly go on snivelling forever. +Perhaps they've got into the habit of it with that Murdstone aunt. She's +enough to make any one snivel."</p> + +<p>"All the same," said Oswald, "we jolly well aren't going to have another +day like to-day. We must do something to rouse them from their +snivelling leth—what's its name?—something sudden and—what is +it?—decisive."</p> + +<p>"A booby trap," said H. O., "the first thing when they get up, and an +apple-pie bed at night."</p> + +<p>But Dora would not hear of it, and I own she was right.</p> + +<p>"Suppose," she said, "we could get up a good play—like we did when we +were Treasure Seekers."</p> + +<p>We said, "Well, what?" But she did not say.</p> + +<p>"It ought to be a good long thing—to last all day," Dicky said; "and if +they like they can play, and if they don't—"</p> + +<p>"If they don't, I'll read to them," Alice said.</p> + +<p>But we all said: "No, you don't; if you begin that way you'll have to go +on."</p> + +<p>And Dicky added: "I wasn't going to say that at all. I was going to say +if they didn't like it they could jolly well do the other thing."</p> + +<p>We all agreed that we must think of something, but we none of us could, +and at last the council broke up in confusion because Mrs. Blake—she is +the housekeeper—came up and turned off the gas.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span></p> + +<p>But next morning when we were having breakfast, and the two strangers +were sitting there so pink and clean, Oswald suddenly said:</p> + +<p>"I know; we'll have a jungle in the garden."</p> + +<p>And the others agreed, and we talked about it till brek was over. The +little strangers only said "I don't know" whenever we said anything to +them.</p> + +<p>After brekker Oswald beckoned his brothers and sisters mysteriously +apart and said:</p> + +<p>"Do you agree to let me be captain to-day, because I thought of it?"</p> + +<p>And they said they would.</p> + +<p>Then he said: "We'll play jungle-book, and I shall be Mowgli. The rest +of you can be what you like—Mowgli's father and mother, or any of the +beasts."</p> + +<p>"I don't suppose they know the book," said Noël. "They don't look as if +they read anything, except at lesson times."</p> + +<p>"Then they can go on being beasts all the time," Oswald said. "Any one +can be a beast."</p> + +<p>So it was settled.</p> + +<p>And now Oswald—Albert's uncle has sometimes said he is clever at +arranging things—began to lay his plans for the jungle. The day was +indeed well chosen. Our Indian uncle was away; father was away; Mrs. +Blake was going away, and the housemaid had an afternoon off. Oswald's +first conscious act was to get rid of the white mice—I mean the little +good visitors. He explained to them that there would be a play in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span> the +afternoon, and they could be what they liked, and gave them the +jungle-book to read the stories he told them to—all the ones about +Mowgli. He led the strangers to a secluded spot among the sea-kale pots +in the kitchen garden and left them. Then he went back to the others, +and we had a jolly morning under the cedar talking about what we would +do when Blakie was gone. She went just after our dinner.</p> + +<p>When we asked Denny what he would like to be in the play, it turned out +he had not read the stories Oswald told him at all, but only the "White +Seal" and "Rikki Tikki."</p> + +<p>We then agreed to make the jungle first and dress up for our parts +afterwards. Oswald was a little uncomfortable about leaving the +strangers alone all the morning, so he said Denny should be his +aide-de-camp, and he was really quite useful. He is rather handy with +his fingers, and things that he does up do not come untied. Daisy might +have come too, but she wanted to go on reading, so we let her, which is +the truest manners to a visitor. Of course the shrubbery was to be the +jungle, and the lawn under the cedar a forest glade, and then we began +to collect the things. The cedar lawn is just nicely out of the way of +the windows. It was a jolly hot day—the kind of day when the sunshine +is white and the shadows are dark gray, not black like they are in the +evening.</p> + +<p>We all thought of different things. Of course first we dressed up +pillows in the skins of beasts<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span> and set them about on the grass to look +as natural as we could. And then we got Pincher, and rubbed him all over +with powdered slate-pencil, to make him the right color for Gray +Brother. But he shook it all off, and it had taken an awful time to do. +Then Alice said:</p> + +<p>"Oh, I know!" and she ran off to father's dressing-room, and came back +with the tube of <i>crème d'amande pour la barbe et les mains</i>, and we +squeezed it on Pincher and rubbed it in, and then the slate-pencil stuff +stuck all right, and he rolled in the dust-bin of his own accord, which +made him just the right color. He is a very clever dog, but soon after +he went off and we did not find him till quite late in the afternoon. +Denny helped with Pincher, and with the wild-beast skins, and when +Pincher was finished he said:</p> + +<p>"Please, may I make some paper birds to put in the trees? I know how."</p> + +<p>And of course we said "Yes," and he only had red ink and newspapers, and +quickly he made quite a lot of large paper birds with red tails. They +didn't look half bad on the edge of the shrubbery.</p> + +<p>While he was doing this he suddenly said, or rather screamed, "Oh!"</p> + +<p>And we looked, and it was a creature with great horns and a fur +rug—something like a bull and something like a minotaur—and I don't +wonder Denny was frightened. It was Alice, and it was first-class.</p> + +<p>Up to now all was not yet lost beyond recall.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span> It was the stuffed fox +that did the mischief—and I am sorry to own it was Oswald who thought +of it. He is not ashamed of having <i>thought</i> of it. That was rather +clever of him. But he knows now that it is better not to take other +people's foxes and things without asking, even if you live in the same +house with them.</p> + +<p>It was Oswald who undid the back of the glass case in the hall and got +out the fox with the green and gray duck in its mouth, and when the +others saw how awfully like life they looked on the lawn, they all +rushed off to fetch the other stuffed things. Uncle has a tremendous lot +of stuffed things. He shot most of them himself—but not the fox, of +course. There was another fox's mask, too, and we hung that in a bush to +look as if the fox was peeping out. And the stuffed birds we fastened on +to the trees with string. The duck-bill—what's its name?—looked very +well sitting on his tail with the otter snarling at him. Then Dicky had +an idea; and though not nearly so much was said about it afterwards as +there was about the stuffed things, I think myself it was just as bad, +though it was a good idea too. He just got the hose and put the end over +a branch of the cedar-tree. Then we got the steps they clean windows +with, and let the hose rest on the top of the steps and run. It was to +be a water-fall, but it ran between the steps and was only wet and +messy; so we got father's mackintosh and uncle's and covered the steps +with them, so that the water ran down all right and was glorious, and it +ran away in a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span> stream across the grass where we had dug a little channel +for it—and the otter and the duck-bill thing were as if in their native +haunts. I hope all this is not very dull to read about. I know it was +jolly good fun to do. Taking one thing with another, I don't know that +we ever had a better time while it lasted.</p> + +<p>We got all the rabbits out of the hutches and put pink paper tails on to +them, and hunted them with horns, made out of the <i>Times</i>. They got away +somehow, and before they were caught next day they had eaten a good many +lettuces and other things. Oswald is very sorry for this. He rather +likes the gardener.</p> + +<p>Denny wanted to put paper tails on the guinea-pigs, and it was no use +our telling him there was nothing to tie the paper on to. He thought we +were kidding until we showed him, and then he said, "Well, never mind," +and got the girls to give him bits of the blue stuff left over from +their dressing-gowns.</p> + +<p>"I'll make them sashes to tie round their little middles," he said. And +he did, and the bows stuck up on the tops of their backs. One of the +guinea-pigs was never seen again, and the same with the tortoise when we +had done his shell with vermilion paint. He crawled away and returned no +more. Perhaps some one collected him and thought he was an expensive +kind, unknown in these cold latitudes.</p> + +<p>The lawn under the cedar was transformed into a dream of beauty, what +with the stuffed creatures<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span> and the paper-tailed things and the +water-fall. And Alice said:</p> + +<p>"I wish the tigers did not look so flat." For of course with pillows you +can only pretend it is a sleeping tiger getting ready to make a spring +out at you. It is difficult to prop up tiger-skins in a life-like manner +when there are no bones inside them, only pillows and sofa-cushions. +"What about the beer-stands?" I said. And we got two out of the cellar. +With bolsters and string we fastened insides to the tigers—and they +were really fine. The legs of the beer-stand did for tigers' legs. It +was indeed the finishing touch.</p> + +<p>Then we boys put on just our bathing drawers and vests—so as to be able +to play with the water-fall without hurting our clothes. I think this +was thoughtful. The girls only tucked up their frocks and took their +shoes and stockings off. H. O. painted his legs and his hands with +Condy's fluid—to make him brown, so that he might be Mowgli, although +Oswald was captain and had plainly said he was going to be Mowgli +himself. Of course the others weren't going to stand that. So Oswald +said:</p> + +<p>"Very well. Nobody asked you to brown yourself like that. But now you've +done it, you've simply got to go and be a beaver, and live in the dam +under the water-fall till it washes off."</p> + +<p>He said he didn't want to be beavers. And Noël said:</p> + +<p>"Don't make him. Let him be the bronze<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span> statue in the palace gardens +that the fountain plays out of."</p> + +<p>So we let him have the hose and hold it up over his head. It made a +lovely fountain, only he remained brown. So then Dicky and Oswald did +ourselves brown too, and dried H. O. as well as we could with our +handkerchiefs, because he was just beginning to snivel. The brown did +not come off any of us for days.</p> + +<p>Oswald was to be Mowgli, and we were just beginning to arrange the +different parts. The rest of the hose that was on the ground was Kaa, +the Rock Python, and Pincher was Gray Brother, only we couldn't find +him. And while most of us were talking, Dicky and Noël got messing about +with the beer-stand tigers.</p> + +<p>And then a really sad event instantly occurred, which was not really our +fault, and we did not mean to.</p> + +<p>That Daisy girl had been mooning indoors all the afternoon with the +jungle books, and now she came suddenly out, just as Dicky and Noël had +got under the tigers and were shoving them along to fright each other. +Of course, this is not in the Mowgli book at all: but they did look +jolly like real tigers, and I am very far from wishing to blame the +girl, though she little knew what would be the awful consequence of her +rash act. But for her we might have got out of it all much better than +we did.</p> + +<p>What happened was truly horrid.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 486px;"> +<img src="images/gs02.jpg" width="486" height="650" alt=""WE LET THE HOSE PLAY PERSEVERINGLY"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"WE LET THE HOSE PLAY PERSEVERINGLY"</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span></p> + +<p>As soon as Daisy saw the tigers she stopped short, and uttering a shriek +like a railway whistle, she fell flat on the ground.</p> + +<p>"Fear not, gentle Indian maiden," Oswald cried, thinking with surprise +that perhaps after all she did know how to play, "I myself will protect +thee." And he sprang forward with the native bow and arrows out of +uncle's study.</p> + +<p>The gentle Indian maiden did not move.</p> + +<p>"Come hither," Dora said, "let us take refuge in yonder covert while +this good knight does battle for us."</p> + +<p>Dora might have remembered that we were savages, but she did not. And +that is Dora all over. And still the Daisy girl did not move.</p> + +<p>Then we were truly frightened. Dora and Alice lifted her up, and her +mouth was a horrid violet color and her eyes half shut. She looked +horrid. Not at all like fair fainting damsels, who are always of an +interesting pallor. She was green, like a cheap oyster on a stall.</p> + +<p>We did what we could, a prey to alarm as we were. We rubbed her hands +and let the hose play gently but perseveringly on her unconscious brow. +The girls loosened her dress, though it was only the kind that comes +down straight without a waist. And we were all doing what we could as +hard as we could, when we heard the click of the front gate. There was +no mistake about it.</p> + +<p>"I hope whoever it is will go straight to the front door," said Alice. +But whoever it was did not. There were feet on the gravel, and there was +the uncle's voice, saying, in his hearty manner:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span></p> + +<p>"This way. This way. On such a day as this we shall find our young +barbarians all at play somewhere about the grounds."</p> + +<p>And then, without further warning, the uncle, three other gentlemen, and +two ladies burst upon the scene.</p> + +<p>We had no clothes on to speak of—I mean us boys. We were all wet +through. Daisy was in a faint or a fit, or dead, none of us then knew +which. And all the stuffed animals were there staring the uncle in the +face. Most of them had got a sprinkling, and the otter and the duck-bill +brute were simply soaked. And three of us were dark brown. Concealment, +as so often happens, was impossible.</p> + +<p>The quick brain of Oswald saw, in a flash, exactly how it would strike +the uncle, and his brave young blood ran cold in his veins. His heart +stood still.</p> + +<p>"What's all this—eh, what?" said the tones of the wronged uncle.</p> + +<p>Oswald spoke up and said it was jungles we were playing, and he didn't +know what was up with Daisy. He explained as well as any one could, but +words were now in vain.</p> + +<p>The uncle had a Malacca cane in his hand, and we were but ill prepared +to meet the sudden attack. Oswald and H. O. caught it worst. The other +boys were under the tigers—and, of course, my uncle would not strike a +girl. Denny was a visitor and so got off. But it was bread and water for +us for the next three days, and our own rooms. I will not tell you how +we sought to vary the monotonousness of imprisonment. Oswald thought<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span> of +taming a mouse, but he could not find one. The reason of the wretched +captives might have given way but for the gutter that you can crawl +along from our room to the girls'. But I will not dwell on this because +you might try it yourselves, and it really is dangerous. When my father +came home we got the talking to, and we said we were sorry—and we +really were—especially about Daisy, though she had behaved with +muffishness, and then it was settled that we were to go into the country +and stay till we had grown into better children.</p> + +<p>Albert's uncle was writing a book in the country; we were to go to his +house. We were glad of this—Daisy and Denny too. This we bore nobly. We +knew we had deserved it. We were all very sorry for everything, and we +resolved that for the future we <i>would</i> be good.</p> + +<p>I am not sure whether we kept this resolution or not. Oswald thinks now +that perhaps we made a mistake in trying so very hard to be good all at +once. You should do everything by degrees.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p><i>P.S.</i>—It turned out Daisy was not really dead at all. It was only +fainting—so like a girl.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p><i>N.B.</i>—Pincher was found on the drawing-room sofa.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p><i>Appendix.</i>—I have not told you half the things we did for the +jungle—for instance, about the elephants' tusks and the horse-hair +sofa-cushions and uncle's fishing-boots.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span></p> +<h2>THE WOULDBEGOODS</h2> + +<div class="drop"> +<img src="images/drop_w.jpg" width="128" height="125" alt="W" class="cap" /> + +<p class="cap_3">When we were sent down into the country to learn to be good we felt it +was rather good business, because we knew our being sent there was +really only to get us out of the way for a little while, and we knew +right enough that it wasn't a punishment, though Mrs. Blake said it was, +because we had been punished thoroughly for taking the stuffed animals +out and making a jungle on the lawn with them, and the garden hose. And +you cannot be punished twice for the same offence. This is the English +law; at least I think so. And at any rate no one would punish you three +times, and we had had the Malacca cane and the solitary confinement; and +the uncle had kindly explained to us that all ill-feeling between him +and us was wiped out entirely by the bread and water we had endured. And +what with the bread and water and being prisoners, and not being able to +tame any mice in our prisons, I quite feel that we had suffered it up +thoroughly, and now we could start fair.</p></div> + +<p>I think myself that descriptions of places are generally dull, but I +have sometimes thought that was because the authors do not tell you what +you<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span> truly want to know. However, dull or not, here goes—because you +won't understand anything unless I tell you what the place was like.</p> + +<p>The Moat House was the one we went to stay at. There has been a house +there since Saxon times. It is a manor, and a manor goes on having a +house on it whatever happens. The Moat House was burned down once or +twice in ancient centuries—I don't remember which—but they always +built a new one, and Cromwell's soldiers smashed it about, but it was +patched up again. It is a very odd house: the front door opens straight +into the dining-room, and there are red curtains and a black-and-white +marble floor like a chess-board, and there is a secret staircase, only +it is not secret now—only rather rickety. It is not very big, but there +is a watery moat all round it with a brick bridge that leads to the +front door. Then, on the other side of the moat there is the farm, with +barns and oast-houses and stables, or things like that. And the other +way the garden lawn goes on till it comes to the church-yard. The +church-yard is not divided from the garden at all except by a little +grass bank. In the front of the house there is more garden, and the big +fruit-garden is at the back.</p> + +<p>The man the house belongs to likes new houses, so he built a big one +with conservatories and a stable with a clock in a turret on the top, +and he let the Moat House. And Albert's uncle took it, and my father was +to come down sometimes from Saturday to Monday, and Albert's uncle was +to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span> live with us all the time, and he would be writing a book, and we +were not to bother him, but he would give an eye to us. I hope all this +is plain. I have said it as short as I can.</p> + +<p>We got down rather late, but there was still light enough to see the big +bell hanging at the top of the house. The rope belonging to it went +right down the house, through our bedroom to the dining-room. H. O. saw +the rope and pulled it while he was washing his hands for supper, and +Dick and I let him, and the bell tolled solemnly. Father shouted to him +not to, and we went down to supper. But presently there were many feet +trampling on the gravel, and father went out to see. When he came back +he said:</p> + +<p>"The whole village, or half of it, has come up to see why the bell rang. +It's only rung for fire or burglars. Why can't you kids let things +alone?"</p> + +<p>Albert's uncle said:</p> + +<p>"Bed follows supper as the fruit follows the flower. They'll do no more +mischief to-night, sir. To-morrow I will point out a few of the things +to be avoided in this bucolic retreat."</p> + +<p>So it was bed directly after supper, and that was why we did not see +much that night.</p> + +<p>But in the morning we were all up rather early, and we seemed to have +awakened in a new world, rich in surprises beyond the dreams of anybody, +as it says in the quotation.</p> + +<p>We went everywhere we could in the time, but when it was breakfast-time +we felt we had not<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span> seen half or a quarter. The room we had breakfast in +was exactly like in a story—black oak panels and china in corner +cupboards with glass doors. These doors were locked. There were green +curtains, and honeycomb for breakfast. After brekker my father went back +to town, and Albert's uncle went too, to see publishers. We saw them to +the station, and father gave us a long list of what we weren't to do. It +began with "Don't pull ropes unless you're quite sure what will happen +at the other end," and it finished with "For goodness' sake, try to keep +out of mischief till I come down on Saturday." There were lots of other +things in between.</p> + +<p>We all promised we would. And we saw them off, and waved till the train +was quite out of sight. Then we started to walk home. Daisy was tired, +so Oswald carried her home on his back. When we got home she said:</p> + +<p>"I do like you, Oswald."</p> + +<p>She is not a bad little kid; and Oswald felt it was his duty to be nice +to her because she was a visitor. Then we looked all over everything. It +was a glorious place. You did not know where to begin.</p> + +<p>We were all a little tired before we found the hay-loft, but we pulled +ourselves together to make a fort with the trusses of hay—great square +things—and we were having a jolly good time, all of us, when suddenly a +trap-door opened and a head bobbed up with a straw in its mouth. We knew +nothing about the country then, and the head<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span> really did scare us +rather, though, of course, we found out directly that the feet belonging +to it were standing on the bar of the loose-box underneath. The head +said:</p> + +<p>"Don't you let the governor catch you a-spoiling of that there hay, +that's all." And it spoke thickly because of the straw.</p> + +<p>It is strange to think how ignorant you were in the past. We can hardly +believe now that once we really did not know that it spoiled hay to mess +about with it. Horses don't like to eat it afterwards. Always remember +this.</p> + +<p>When the head had explained a little more it went away, and we turned +the handle of the chaff-cutting machine, and nobody got hurt, though the +head <i>had</i> said we should cut our fingers off if we touched it.</p> + +<p>And then we sat down on the floor, which is dirty with the nice clean +dirt that is more than half chopped hay, and those there was room for +hung their legs down out of the top door, and we looked down at the +farmyard, which is very slushy when you get down into it, but most +interesting.</p> + +<p>Then Alice said:</p> + +<p>"Now we're all here, and the boys are tired enough to sit still for a +minute, I want to have a council."</p> + +<p>We said, "What about?" And she said, "I'll tell you. H. O., don't +wriggle so; sit on my frock if the straws tickle your legs."</p> + +<p>You see he wears socks, and so he can never be quite as comfortable as +any one else.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Promise not to laugh," Alice said, getting very red, and looking at +Dora, who got red too.</p> + +<p>We did, and then she said: "Dora and I have talked this over, and Daisy +too, and we have written it down because it is easier than saying it. +Shall I read it? or will you, Dora?"</p> + +<p>Dora said it didn't matter; Alice might. So Alice read it, and though +she gabbled a bit we all heard it. I copied it afterwards. This is what +she read:</p> + + +<p>"NEW SOCIETY FOR BEING GOOD IN</p> + +<p>"I, Dora Bastable, and Alice Bastable, my sister, being of sound mind +and body, when we were shut up with bread and water on that jungle day, +we thought a great deal about our naughty sins, and we made our minds up +to be good forever after. And we talked to Daisy about it, and she had +an idea. So we want to start a society for being good in. It is Daisy's +idea, but we think so too."</p> + +<p>"You know," Dora interrupted, "when people want to do good things they +always make a society. There are thousands—there's the Missionary +Society."</p> + +<p>"Yes," Alice said, "and the Society for the Prevention of something or +other, and the Young Men's Mutual Improvement Society, and the S. P. G."</p> + +<p>"What's S. P. G.?" Oswald asked.</p> + +<p>"Society for the Propagation of the Jews, of course," said Noël, who +cannot always spell.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span></p> + +<p>"No, it isn't; but do let me go on."</p> + +<p>Alice did go on.</p> + +<p>"We propose to get up a society, with a chairman and a treasurer and +secretary, and keep a journal-book saying what we've done. If that +doesn't make us good it won't be my fault.</p> + +<p>"The aim of the society is nobleness and goodness, and great and +unselfish deeds. We wish not to be such a nuisance to grown-up people, +and to perform prodigies of real goodness. We wish to spread our +wings"—here Alice read very fast. She told me afterwards Daisy had +helped her with that part, and she thought when she came to the wings +they sounded rather silly—"to spread our wings and rise above the kind +of interesting things that you ought not to do, but to do kindnesses to +all, however low and mean."</p> + +<p>Denny was listening carefully. Now he nodded three or four times.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Little words of kindness" (he said),<br /></span> +<span class="i2">"Little deeds of love,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Make this earth an eagle<br /></span> +<span class="i3">Like the one above."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>This did not sound right, but we let it pass, because an eagle <i>does</i> +have wings, and we wanted to hear the rest of what the girls had +written. But there was no rest.</p> + +<p>"That's all," said Alice, and Daisy said:</p> + +<p>"Don't you think it's a good idea?"</p> + +<p>"That depends," Oswald answered, "who is president, and what you mean by +being good."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span> Oswald did not care very much for the idea himself, +because being good is not the sort of thing he thinks it is proper to +talk about, especially before strangers. But the girls and Denny seemed +to like it, so Oswald did not say exactly what he thought, especially as +it was Daisy's idea. This was true politeness.</p> + +<p>"I think it would be nice," Noël said, "if we made it a sort of play. +Let's do the 'Pilgrim's Progress.'"</p> + +<p>We talked about that for some time, but it did not come to anything, +because we all wanted to be Mr. Greatheart, except H. O., who wanted to +be the lions, and you could not have lions in a Society for Goodness.</p> + +<p>Dicky said he did not wish to play if it meant reading books about +children who die; he really felt just as Oswald did about it, he told me +afterwards. But the girls were looking as if they were in Sunday school, +and we did not wish to be unkind.</p> + +<p>At last Oswald said, "Well, let's draw up the rules of the society, and +choose the president and settle the name."</p> + +<p>Dora said Oswald should be president, and he modestly consented. She was +secretary, and Denny treasurer if we ever had any money.</p> + +<p>Making the rules took us all the afternoon. They were these:</p> + + +<p><span class="smcap">Rules</span></p> + +<p>1. Every member is to be as good as possible.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span></p> + +<p>2. There is to be no more jaw than necessary about being good. (Oswald +and Dicky put that rule in.)</p> + +<p>3. No day must pass without our doing some kind action to a suffering +fellow-creature.</p> + +<p>4. We are to meet every day, or as often as we like.</p> + +<p>5. We are to do good to people we don't like as often as we can.</p> + +<p>6. No one is to leave the Society without the consent of all the rest of +us.</p> + +<p>7. The Society is to be kept a profound secret from all the world except +us.</p> + +<p>8. The name of our Society is—</p> + +<p>And when we got as far as that we all began to talk at once. Dora wanted +it called the Society for Humane Improvement; Denny said the Society for +Reformed Outcast Children; but Dicky said, "No, we really were not so +bad as all that." Then H. O. said, "Call it the Good Society."</p> + +<p>"Or the Society for Being Good In," said Daisy.</p> + +<p>"Or the Society of Goods," said Noël.</p> + +<p>"That's priggish," said Oswald; "besides, we don't know whether we shall +be so very."</p> + +<p>"You see," Alice explained, "we only said if we <i>could</i> we would be +good."</p> + +<p>"Well, then," Dicky said, getting up and beginning to dust the chopped +hay off himself, "call it the Society of the Wouldbegoods and have done +with it."</p> + +<p>Oswald thinks Dicky was getting sick of it and wanted to make himself a +little disagreeable. If<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span> so, he was doomed to disappointment. For every +one else clapped hands and called out, "That's the very thing!" Then the +girls went off to write out the rules, and took H. O. with them, and +Noël went to write some poetry to put in the minute book. That's what +you call the book that a society's secretary writes what it does in. +Denny went with him to help. He knows a lot of poetry. I think he went +to a lady's school where they taught nothing but that. He was rather shy +of us, but he took to Noël. I can't think why. Dicky and Oswald walked +round the garden and told each other what they thought of the new +society.</p> + +<p>"I'm not sure we oughtn't to have put our foot down at the beginning," +Dicky said. "I don't see much in it, anyhow."</p> + +<p>"It pleases the girls," Oswald said, for he is a kind brother.</p> + +<p>"But we're not going to stand jaw, and 'words in season,' and 'loving +sisterly warnings.' I tell you what it is, Oswald, we'll have to run +this thing our way, or it'll be jolly beastly for everybody."</p> + +<p>Oswald saw this plainly.</p> + +<p>"We must do something," Dicky said; "it's very hard, though. Still, +there must be <i>some</i> interesting things that are not wrong."</p> + +<p>"I suppose so," Oswald said, "but being good is so much like being a +muff, generally. Anyhow I'm not going to smooth the pillows of the sick, +or read to the aged poor, or any rot out of <i>Ministering Children</i>."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span></p> + +<p>"No more am I," Dicky said. He was chewing a straw like the head had in +its mouth, "but I suppose we must play the game fair. Let's begin by +looking out for something useful to do—something like mending things or +cleaning them, not just showing off."</p> + +<p>"The boys in books chop kindling wood and save their pennies to buy tea +and tracts."</p> + +<p>"Little beasts!" said Dick. "I say, let's talk about something else." +And Oswald was glad to, for he was beginning to feel jolly +uncomfortable.</p> + +<p>We were all rather quiet at tea, and afterwards Oswald played draughts +with Daisy and the others yawned. I don't know when we've had such a +gloomy evening. And every one was horribly polite, and said "Please" and +"Thank you," far more than requisite.</p> + +<p>Albert's uncle came home after tea. He was jolly, and told us stories, +but he noticed us being a little dull, and asked what blight had fallen +on our young lives. Oswald could have answered and said, "It is the +Society of the Wouldbegoods that is the blight," but of course he +didn't; and Albert's uncle said no more, but he went up and kissed the +girls when they were in bed, and asked them if there was anything wrong. +And they told him no, on their honor.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 413px;"> +<img src="images/gs03.jpg" width="413" height="650" alt=""'LITTLE BEASTS,' SAID DICK"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"'LITTLE BEASTS,' SAID DICK"</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span></p> + +<p>The next morning Oswald awoke early. The refreshing beams of the morning +sun shone on his narrow, white bed and on the sleeping forms of his dear +little brothers, and Denny, who had got the pillow on top of his head +and was snoring like a kettle when it sings. Oswald could not remember +at first what was the matter with him, and then he remembered the +Wouldbegoods, and wished he hadn't. He felt at first as if there was +nothing you could do, and even hesitated to buzz a pillow at Denny's +head. But he soon saw that this could not be. So he chucked his boot and +caught Denny right in the waistcoat part, and thus the day began more +brightly than he had expected.</p> + +<p>Oswald had not done anything out of the way good the night before, +except that when no one was looking he polished the brass candlestick in +the girls' bedroom with one of his socks. And he might just as well have +let it alone, for the servants cleaned it again with the other things in +the morning, and he could never find the sock afterwards. There were two +servants. One of them had to be called Mrs. Pettigrew instead of Jane +and Eliza like others. She was cook and managed things.</p> + +<p>After breakfast Albert's uncle said:</p> + +<p>"I now seek the retirement of my study. At your peril violate my privacy +before 1.30 sharp. Nothing short of bloodshed will warrant the +intrusion, and nothing short of man—or rather boy—slaughter shall +avenge it."</p> + +<p>So we knew he wanted to be quiet, and the girls decided that we ought to +play out of doors so as not to disturb him; we should have played out of +doors anyhow on a jolly fine day like that.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span></p> + +<p>But as we were going out Dicky said to Oswald:</p> + +<p>"I say, come along here a minute, will you?"</p> + +<p>So Oswald came along, and Dicky took him into the other parlor and shut +the door, and Oswald said:</p> + +<p>"Well, spit it out: what is it?" He knows that is vulgar, and he would +not have said it to any one but his own brother.</p> + +<p>Dicky said:</p> + +<p>"It's a pretty fair nuisance. I told you how it would be."</p> + + +<p>And Oswald was patient with him, and said:</p> + +<p>"What is? Don't be all day about it."</p> + +<p>Dicky fidgeted about a bit, and then he said:</p> + +<p>"Well, I did as I said. I looked about for something useful to do. And +you know that dairy window that wouldn't open—only a little bit like +that? Well, I mended the catch with wire and whipcord and it opened +wide."</p> + +<p>"And I suppose they didn't want it mended," said Oswald. He knows but +too well that grown-up people sometimes like to keep things far +different from what we would, and you catch it if you try to do +otherwise.</p> + +<p>"I shouldn't have minded <i>that</i>," Dicky said, "because I could easily +have taken it all off again if they'd only said so. But the sillies went +and propped up a milk-pan against the window. They never took the +trouble to notice I had mended it. So the wretched thing pushed the +window open all by itself directly they propped it up, and it's tumbled +through into the moat, and they are most<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span> awfully waxy. All the men are +out in the fields, and they haven't any spare milk-pans. If I were a +farmer, I must say I wouldn't stick at an extra milk-pan or two. +Accidents must happen sometimes. I call it mean."</p> + +<p>Dicky spoke in savage tones. But Oswald was not so unhappy, first +because it wasn't his fault, and next because he is a far-seeing boy.</p> + +<p>"Never mind," he said, kindly. "Keep your tail up. We'll get the beastly +milk-pan out all right. Come on."</p> + +<p>He rushed hastily to the garden and gave a low signifying whistle, which +the others know well enough to mean something extra being up.</p> + +<p>And when they were all gathered round him he spoke.</p> + +<p>"Fellow-countrymen," he said, "we're going to have a rousing good time."</p> + +<p>"It's nothing naughty, is it," Daisy asked, "like the last time you had +that was rousingly good?"</p> + +<p>Alice said "Shish," and Oswald pretended not to hear.</p> + +<p>"A precious treasure," he said, "has inadvertently been laid low in the +moat by one of us."</p> + +<p>"The rotten thing tumbled in by itself," Dicky said.</p> + +<p>Oswald waved his hand and said, "Anyhow, it's there. It's our duty to +restore it to its sorrowing owners. I say, look here—we're going to +drag the moat."</p> + +<p>Every one brightened up at this. It was our<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span> duty and it was interesting +too. This is very uncommon.</p> + +<p>So we went out to where the orchard is, at the other side of the moat. +There were gooseberries and things on the bushes, but we did not take +any till we had asked if we might. Alice went and asked. Mrs. Pettigrew +said, "Law! I suppose so; you'd eat 'em anyhow, leave or no leave."</p> + +<p>She little knows the honorable nature of the house of Bastable. But she +has much to learn.</p> + +<p>The orchard slopes gently down to the dark waters of the moat. We sat +there in the sun and talked about dragging the moat, till Denny said, +"How <i>do</i> you drag moats?"</p> + +<p>And we were speechless, because, though we had read many times about a +moat being dragged for missing heirs and lost wills, we really had never +thought about exactly how it was done.</p> + +<p>"Grappling-irons are right, I believe," Denny said, "but I don't suppose +they'd have any at the farm."</p> + +<p>And we asked, and found they had never even heard of them. I think +myself he meant some other word, but he was quite positive.</p> + +<p>So then we got a sheet off Oswald's bed, and we all took our shoes and +stockings off, and we tried to see if the sheet would drag the bottom of +the moat, which is shallow at that end. But it would keep floating on +the top of the water, and when we tried sewing stones into one end of +it, it stuck on something in the bottom, and when we got it up it was +torn. We were very<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span> sorry, and the sheet was in an awful mess; but the +girls said they were sure they could wash it in the basin in their room, +and we thought as we had torn it any way, we might as well go on. That +washing never came off.</p> + +<p>"No human being," Noël said, "knows half the treasures hidden in this +dark tarn."</p> + +<p>And we decided we would drag a bit more at that end, and work gradually +round to under the dairy window where the milk-pan was. We could not see +that part very well, because of the bushes that grow between the cracks +of the stones where the house goes down into the moat. And opposite the +dairy window the barn goes straight down into the moat too. It is like +pictures of Venice; but you cannot get opposite the dairy window anyhow.</p> + +<p>We got the sheet down again when we had tied the torn parts together in +a bunch with string, and Oswald was just saying:</p> + +<p>"Now then, my hearties, pull together, pull with a will! One, two, +three," when suddenly Dora dropped her bit of the sheet with a piercing +shriek and cried out:</p> + +<p>"Oh! it's all wormy at the bottom. I felt them wriggle." And she was out +of the water almost before the words were out of her mouth. The other +girls all scuttled out too, and they let the sheet go in such a hurry +that we had no time to steady ourselves, and one of us went right in, +and the rest got wet up to our waistbands. The one who went right in was +only H. O.; but Dora made<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span> an awful fuss and said it was our fault. We +told her what we thought, and it ended in the girls going in with H. O. +to change his things. We had some more gooseberries while they were +gone. Dora was in an awful wax when she went away, but she is not of a +sullen disposition though some times hasty, and when they all came back +we saw it was all right, so we said:</p> + +<p>"What shall we do now?"</p> + +<p>Alice said, "I don't think we need drag any more. It <i>is</i> wormy. I felt +it when Dora did. And besides, the milk-pan is sticking a bit of itself +out of the water. I saw it through the dairy window."</p> + +<p>"Couldn't we get it up with fish-hooks?" Noël said. But Alice explained +that the dairy was now locked up and the key taken out.</p> + +<p>So then Oswald said:</p> + +<p>"Look here, we'll make a raft. We should have to do it some time, and we +might as well do it now. I saw an old door in that corner stable that +they don't use. You know. The one where they chop the wood."</p> + +<p>We got the door.</p> + +<p>We had never made a raft, any of us, but the way to make rafts is better +described in books, so we knew what to do.</p> + +<p>We found some nice little tubs stuck up on the fence of the farm garden, +and nobody seemed to want them for anything just then, so we took them. +Denny had a box of tools some one had given him for his last birthday; +they were rather rotten little things, but the gimlet worked all<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span> right, +so we managed to make holes in the edges of the tubs and fasten them +with string under the four corners of the old door. This took us a long +time. Albert's uncle asked us at dinner what we had been playing at, and +we said it was a secret, and it was nothing wrong. You see we wished to +atone for Dicky's mistake before anything more was said. The house has +no windows in the side that faces the orchard.</p> + +<p>The rays of the afternoon sun were beaming along the orchard grass when +at last we launched the raft. She floated out beyond reach with the last +shove of the launching. But Oswald waded out and towed her back; he is +not afraid of worms. Yet if he had known of the other things that were +in the bottom of that moat he would have kept his boots on. So would the +others, especially Dora, as you will see.</p> + +<p>At last the gallant craft rode upon the waves. We manned her, though not +up to our full strength, because if more than four got on the water came +up too near our knees, and we feared she might founder if over-manned.</p> + +<p>Daisy and Denny did not want to go on the raft, white mice that they +were, so that was all right. And as H. O. had been wet through once he +was not very keen. Alice promised Noël her best paint-brush if he'd give +up and not go, because we knew well that the voyage was fraught with +deep dangers, though the exact danger that lay in wait for us under the +dairy window we never even thought of.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span></p> + +<p>So we four elder ones got on the raft very carefully; and even then, +every time we moved the water swished up over the raft and hid our feet. +But I must say it was a jolly decent raft.</p> + +<p>Dicky was captain, because it was his adventure. We had hop-poles from +the hop-garden beyond the orchard to punt with. We made the girls stand +together in the middle and hold on to each other to keep steady. Then we +christened our gallant vessel. We called it the <i>Richard</i>, after Dicky, +and also after the splendid admiral who used to eat wine-glasses and +died after the Battle of the <i>Revenge</i> in Tennyson's poetry.</p> + +<p>Then those on shore waved a fond adieu as well as they could with the +dampness of their handkerchiefs, which we had had to use to dry our legs +and feet when we put on our stockings for dinner, and slowly and stately +the good ship moved away from shore, riding on the waves as though they +were her native element.</p> + +<p>We kept her going with the hop-poles, and we kept her steady in the same +way, but we could not always keep her steady enough, and we could not +always keep her in the wind's eye. That is to say, she went where we did +not want, and once she bumped her corner against the barn wall, and all +the crew had to sit down suddenly to avoid falling overboard into a +watery grave. Of course then the waves swept her decks, and when we got +up again we said that we should have to change completely before tea.</p> + +<p>But we pressed on undaunted, and at last our<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span> saucy craft came into port +under the dairy window, and there was the milk-pan, for whose sake we +had endured such hardships and privations, standing up on its edge quite +quietly.</p> + +<p>The girls did not wait for orders from the captain, as they ought to +have done; but they cried out, "Oh, here it is!" and then both reached +out to get it. Any one who has pursued a naval career will see that of +course the raft capsized. For a moment it felt like standing on the roof +of the house, and the next moment the ship stood up on end and shot the +whole crew into the dark waters.</p> + +<p>We boys can swim all right. Oswald has swum three times across the +Ladywell Swimming Baths at the shallow end, and Dicky is nearly as good; +but just then we did not think of this; though, of course, if the water +had been deep we should have.</p> + +<p>As soon as Oswald could get the muddy water out of his eyes he opened +them on a horrid scene.</p> + +<p>Dicky was standing up to his shoulders in the inky waters; the raft had +righted itself, and was drifting gently away towards the front of the +house, where the bridge is, and Doar and Alice were rising from the +deep, with their hair all plastered over their faces—like Venus in the +Latin verses.</p> + +<p>There was a great noise of splashing. And besides that a feminine voice, +looking out of the dairy window and screaming:</p> + +<p>"Lord love the children!"</p> + +<p>It was Mrs. Pettigrew. She disappeared at<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span> once, and we were sorry we +were in such a situation that she would be able to get at Albert's uncle +before we could. Afterwards we were not so sorry.</p> + +<p>Before a word could be spoken about our desperate position, Dora +staggered a little in the water, and suddenly shrieked, "Oh, my foot! +oh, it's a shark! I know it is—or a crocodile!"</p> + +<p>The others on the bank could hear her shrieking, but they could not see +us properly; they did not know what was happening. Noël told me +afterwards he never could care for that paint-brush.</p> + +<p>Of course we knew it could not be a shark, but I thought of pike, which +are large and very angry always, and I caught hold of Dora. She screamed +without stopping. I shoved her along to where there was a ledge of +brickwork, and shoved her up, till she could sit on it, then she got her +foot out of the water, still screaming.</p> + +<p>It was indeed terrible. The thing she thought was a shark came up with +her foot, and it was a horrid, jagged, old meat-tin, and she had put her +foot right into it. Oswald got it off, and directly he did so blood +began to pour from the wounds. The tin edges had cut it in several +spots. It was very pale blood, because her foot was wet, of course.</p> + +<p>She stopped screaming, and turned green, and I thought she was going to +faint, like Daisy did on the jungle day.</p> + +<p>Oswald held her up as well as he could, but it really was one of the +least agreeable moments in his life. For the raft was gone, and she +couldn't<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span> have waded back anyway, and we didn't know how deep the moat +might be in other places.</p> + +<p>But Mrs. Pettigrew had not been idle. She is not a bad sort really.</p> + +<p>Just as Oswald was wondering whether he could swim after the raft and +get it back, a boat's nose shot out from under a dark archway a little +further up under the house. It was the boathouse, and Albert's uncle had +got the punt and took us back in it. When we had regained the dark arch +where the boat lives we had to go up the cellar stairs. Dora had to be +carried.</p> + +<p>There was but little said to us that day. We were sent to bed—those who +had not been on the raft the same as the others, for they owned up all +right, and Albert's uncle is the soul of justice.</p> + +<p>Next day but one was Saturday. Father gave us a talking to—with other +things.</p> + +<p>The worst, though, was when Dora couldn't get her shoe on, so they sent +for the doctor, and Dora had to lie down for ever so long. It was indeed +poor luck.</p> + +<p>When the doctor had gone Alice said to me:</p> + +<p>"It <i>is</i> hard lines, but Dora's very jolly about it. Daisy's been +telling her about how we should all go to her with our little joys and +sorrows and things, and about the sweet influence from a sick bed that +can be felt all over the house, like in <i>What Katy Did</i>, and Dora said +she hoped she might prove a blessing to us all while she's laid up."</p> + +<p>Oswald said he hoped so, but he was not pleased.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span> Because this sort of +jaw was exactly the sort of thing he and Dicky didn't want to have +happen.</p> + +<p>The thing we got it hottest for was those little tubs off the garden +railings. They turned out to be butter-tubs that had been put out there +"to sweeten."</p> + +<p>But as Denny said, "After the mud in that moat not all the perfumes of +somewhere or other could make them fit to use for butter again."</p> + +<p>I own this was rather a bad business. Yet we did not do it to please +ourselves, but because it was our duty. But that made no difference to +our punishment when father came down. I have known this mistake occur +before.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span></p> +<h2>BILL'S TOMBSTONE</h2> + +<div class="drop"> +<img src="images/drop_t.jpg" width="129" height="125" alt="T" class="cap" /> + +<p class="cap_3">There were soldiers riding down the road, on horses, two and two. That +is the horses were two and two, and the men not. Because each man was +riding one horse and leading another. To exercise them. They came from +Chatham Barracks. We all drew up in a line outside the church-yard wall, +and saluted as they went by, though we had not read <i>Toady Lion</i> then. +We have since. It is the only decent book I have ever read written by +<i>Toady Lion's</i> author. The others are mere piffle. But many people like +them.</p></div> + +<p>In <i>Sir Toady Lion</i> the officer salutes the child.</p> + +<p>There was only a lieutenant with those soldiers, and he did not salute +me. He kissed his hand to the girls; and a lot of the soldiers behind +kissed theirs too. We waved ours back.</p> + +<p>Next day we made a Union Jack out of pocket-handkerchiefs and part of a +red flannel petticoat of the White Mouse's, which she did not want just +then, and some blue ribbon we got at the village shop.</p> + +<p>Then we watched for the soldiers, and after three days they went by +again, by twos and twos as before. It was A1.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span></p> + +<p>We waved our flag, and we shouted. We gave them three cheers. Oswald can +shout loudest. So as soon as the first man was level with us (not the +advance guard, but the first of the battery)—he shouted:</p> + +<p>"Three cheers for the Queen and the British Army!"</p> + +<p>And then we waved the flag, and bellowed. Oswald stood on the wall to +bellow better, and Denny waved the flag because he was a visitor, and so +politeness made us let him enjoy the fat of whatever there was going.</p> + +<p>The soldiers did not cheer that day; they only grinned and kissed their +hands.</p> + +<p>The next day we all got up as much like soldiers as we could. H. O. and +Noël had tin swords, and we asked Albert's uncle to let us wear some of +the real arms that are on the wall in the dining-room. And he said, +"Yes," if we would clean them up afterwards. But we jolly well cleaned +them up first with Brooke's soap and brick dust and vinegar, and the +knife polish (invented by the great and immortal Duke of Wellington in +his spare time when he was not conquering Napoleon. Three cheers for our +Iron Duke!), and with emery paper and wash leather and whitening. Oswald +wore a cavalry sabre in its sheath. Alice and the Mouse had pistols in +their belts, large old flint-locks, with bits of red flannel behind the +flints. Denny had a naval cutlass, a very beautiful blade, and old +enough to have been at Trafalgar. I hope it was. The others had French +sword-bayonets<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span> that were used in the Franco-German War. They are very +bright, when you get them bright, but the sheaths are hard to polish. +Each sword-bayonet has the name on the blade of the warrior who once +wielded it. I wonder where they are now. Perhaps some of them died in +the war. Poor chaps! But it is a very long time ago.</p> + +<p>I should like to be a soldier. It is better than going to the best +schools, and to Oxford afterwards, even if it is Balliol you go to. +Oswald wanted to go to South Africa for a bugler, but father would not +let him. And it is true that Oswald does not yet know how to bugle, +though he can play the infantry "advance," and the "charge" and the +"halt" on a penny whistle. Alice taught them to him with the piano, out +of the red book father's cousin had when he was in the Fighting Fifth. +Oswald cannot play the "retire," and he would scorn to do so. But I +suppose a bugler has to play what he is told, no matter how galling to +the young boy's proud spirit.</p> + +<p>The next day, being thoroughly armed, we put on everything red, white, +and blue that we could think of—night-shirts are good for white, and +you don't know what you can do with red socks and blue jerseys till you +try—and we waited by the church-yard wall for the soldiers. When the +advance-guard (or whatever you call it of artillery—it's that for +infantry, I know) came by we got ready, and when the first man of the +first battery was level with us Oswald played on his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span> penny whistle the +"advance" and the "charge"—and then shouted:</p> + +<p>"Three cheers for the Queen and the British Army!"</p> + +<p>This time they had the guns with them. And every man of the battery +cheered too. It was glorious. It made you tremble all over. The girls +said it made them want to cry—but no boy would own to this, even if it +were true. It is babyish to cry. But it was glorious, and Oswald felt +different to what he ever did before.</p> + +<p>Then suddenly the officer in front said, "Battery! Halt!" and all the +soldiers pulled their horses up, and the great guns stopped too. Then +the officer said, "Sit at ease," and something else, and the sergeant +repeated it, and some of the men got off their horses and lit their +pipes, and some sat down on the grass edge of the road, holding their +horses' bridles.</p> + +<p>We could see all the arms and accoutrements as plain as plain.</p> + +<p>Then the officer came up to us. We were all standing on the wall that +day, except Dora, who had to sit, because her foot was bad, but we let +her have the three-edged rapier to wear, and the blunderbuss to hold as +well—it has a brass mouth, and is like in Mr. Caldecott's pictures.</p> + +<p>He was a beautiful man the officer. Like a Viking. Very tall and fair, +with mustaches very long, and bright blue eyes.</p> + +<p>He said:</p> + +<p>"Good-morning."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span></p> + +<p>So did we.</p> + +<p>Then he said:</p> + +<p>"You seem to be a military lot."</p> + +<p>We said we wished we were.</p> + +<p>"And patriotic," said he.</p> + +<p>Alice said she should jolly well think so.</p> + +<p>Then he said he had noticed us there for several days, and he had halted +the battery because he thought we might like to look at the guns.</p> + +<p>Alas! there are but too few grown-up people so far-seeing and thoughtful +as this brave and distinguished officer.</p> + +<p>We said, "Oh yes," and then we got off the wall, and that good and noble +man showed us the string that moves the detonator, and the breech-block +(when you take it out and carry it away, the gun is in vain to the +enemy, even if he takes it); and he let us look down the gun to see the +rifling, all clean and shiny; and he showed us the ammunition boxes, but +there was nothing in them. He also told us how the gun was unlimbered +(this means separating the gun from the ammunition carriage), and how +quick it could be done—but he did not make the men do this then, +because they were resting. There were six guns. Each had painted on the +carriage, in white letters, 15 Pr., which the captain told us meant +fifteen-pounder.</p> + +<p>"I should have thought the gun weighed more than fifteen pounds," Dora +said. "It would if it was beef, but I suppose wood and gun are lighter."</p> + +<p>And the officer explained to her very kindly<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span> and patiently that 15 Pr. +meant the gun could throw a <i>shell</i> weighing fifteen pounds.</p> + +<p>When we had told him how jolly it was to see the soldiers go by so +often, he said:</p> + +<p>"You won't see us many more times. We're ordered to the front; and we +sail on Tuesday week; and the guns will be painted mud-color, and the +men will wear mud-color too, and so shall I."</p> + +<p>The men looked very nice, though they were not wearing their busbies, +but only Tommy caps, put on all sorts of ways.</p> + +<p>We were very sorry they were going, but Oswald, as well as others, +looked with envy on those who would soon be allowed—being grown up, and +no nonsense about your education—to go and fight for their Queen and +country.</p> + +<p>Then suddenly Alice whispered to Oswald, and he said:</p> + +<p>"All right; but tell him yourself."</p> + +<p>So Alice said to the captain:</p> + +<p>"Will you stop next time you pass?"</p> + +<p>He said, "I'm afraid I can't promise that."</p> + +<p>Alice said, "You might; there's a particular reason."</p> + +<p>He said, "What?" which was a natural remark; not rude, as it is with +children.</p> + +<p>Alice said:</p> + +<p>"We want to give the soldiers a keepsake. I will write to ask my father. +He is very well off just now. Look here—if we're not on the wall when +you come by, don't stop; but if we are, <i>please</i>, <span class="smcap">please</span> do!"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span></p> + +<p>The officer pulled his mustache and looked as if he did not quite know; +but at last he said "Yes," and we were very glad, though but Alice and +Oswald knew the dark but pleasant scheme at present fermenting in their +youthful nuts.</p> + +<p>The captain talked a lot to us. At last Noël said:</p> + +<p>"I think you are like Diarmid of the Golden Collar. But I should like to +see your sword out, and shining in the sun like burnished silver."</p> + +<p>The captain laughed and grasped the hilt of his good blade. But Oswald +said, hurriedly:</p> + +<p>"Don't. Not yet. We sha'n't ever have a chance like this. If you'd only +show us the pursuing practice! Albert's uncle knows it; but he only does +it on an arm-chair, because he hasn't a horse."</p> + +<p>And that brave and swagger captain did really do it. He rode his horse +right into our gate when we opened it, and showed us all the cuts, +thrusts, and guards. There are four of each kind. It was splendid. The +morning sun shone on his flashing blade, and his good steed stood with +all its legs far apart and stiff on the lawn. Then we opened the paddock +gate and he did it again, while the horse galloped as if upon the bloody +battle-field among the fierce foes of his native land, and this was far +more ripping still.</p> + +<p>Then we thanked him very much, and he went away, taking his men with +him. And the guns, of course.</p> + +<p>Then we wrote to my father, and he said "Yes,"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span> as we knew he would, and +next time the soldiers came by—but they had no guns this time, only the +captive Arabs of the desert—we had the keepsakes ready in a +wheelbarrow, and we were on the church-yard wall.</p> + +<p>And the bold captain called an immediate halt.</p> + +<p>Then the girls had the splendid honor and pleasure of giving a pipe and +four whole ounces of tobacco to each soldier.</p> + +<p>Then we shook hands with the captain and the sergeant and the corporals, +and the girls kissed the captain—I can't think why girls will kiss +everybody—and we all cheered for the Queen.</p> + +<p>It was grand. And I wish my father had been there to see how much you +can do with £12 if you order the things from the Stores.</p> + +<p>We have never seen those brave soldiers again.</p> + +<p>I have told you all this to show you how we got so keen about soldiers, +and why we sought to aid and abet the poor widow at the white cottage in +her desolate and oppressedness.</p> + +<p>Her name was Simpkins, and her cottage was just beyond the church-yard, +on the other side from our house. On the different military occasions +which I have remarked upon this widow woman stood at her garden gate and +looked on. And after the cheering she rubbed her eyes with her apron. +Alice noticed this slight but signifying action.</p> + +<p>We feel quite sure Mrs. Simpkins liked soldiers, and so we felt friendly +to her. But when we tried to talk to her she would not. She told us to +go<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span> along with us, do, and not bother her. And Oswald, with his usual +delicacy and good breeding, made the others do as she said.</p> + +<p>But we were not to be thus repulsed with impunity. We made complete but +cautious inquiries, and found out that the reason she cried when she saw +soldiers was that she had only one son, a boy. He was twenty-two, and he +had gone to the war last April. So that she thought of him when she saw +the soldiers, and that was why she cried. Because when your son is at +the wars you always think he is being killed. I don't know why. A great +many of them are not. If I had a son at the wars I should never think he +was dead till I heard he was, and perhaps not then, considering +everything.</p> + +<p>After we had found this out we held a council.</p> + +<p>Dora said, "We must do something for the soldier's widowed mother."</p> + +<p>We all agreed, but added, "What?"</p> + +<p>Alice said, "The gift of money might be deemed an insult by that proud, +patriotic spirit. Besides, we haven't more than eighteenpence among us."</p> + +<p>We had put what we had to father's £12 to buy the baccy and pipes.</p> + +<p>The Mouse then said, "Couldn't we make her a flannel petticoat and leave +it without a word upon her doorstep?"</p> + +<p>But every one said, "Flannel petticoats in this weather?" so that was no +go.</p> + +<p>Noël said he would write her a poem, but Oswald had a deep, inward +feeling that Mrs. Simpkins<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span> would not understand poetry. Many people do +not.</p> + +<p>H. O. said, "Why not sing 'Rule Britannia' under her window after she +had gone to bed, like waits," but no one else thought so.</p> + +<p>Denny thought we might get up a subscription for her among the wealthy +and affluent, but we said again that we knew money would be no balm to +the haughty mother of a brave British soldier.</p> + +<p>"What we want," Alice said, "is something that will be a good deal of +trouble to us and some good to her."</p> + +<p>"A little help is worth a deal of poetry," said Denny. I should not have +said that myself. Noël did look sick.</p> + +<p>"What <i>does</i> she do that we can help in?" Dora asked. "Besides, she +won't let us help."</p> + +<p>H. O. said, "She does nothing but work in the garden. At least if she +does anything inside you can't see it, because she keeps the door shut."</p> + +<p>Then at once we saw. And we agreed to get up the very next day, ere yet +the rosy dawn had flushed the east, and have a go at Mrs. Simpkins's +garden.</p> + +<p>We got up. We really did. But too often when you mean to, over night, it +seems so silly to do it when you come to waking in the dewy morn. We +crept down-stairs with our boots in our hands. Denny is rather unlucky, +though a most careful boy. It was he who dropped his boot, and it went +blundering down the stairs,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span> echoing like thunder-bolts, and waking up +Albert's uncle. But when we explained to him that we were going to do +some gardening he let us, and went back to bed.</p> + +<p>Everything is very pretty and different in the early morning, before +people are up. I have been told this is because the shadows go a +different way from what they do in the awake part of the day. But I +don't know. Noël says the fairies have just finished tidying up then. +Anyhow it all feels quite otherwise.</p> + +<p>We put on our boots in the porch, and we got our gardening tools and we +went down to the white cottage. It is a nice cottage, with a thatched +roof, like in the drawing-copies you get at girls' schools, and you do +the thatch—if you can—with a B.B. pencil. If you cannot, you just +leave it. It looks just as well, somehow, when it is mounted and framed.</p> + +<p>We looked at the garden. It was very neat. Only one patch was coming up +thick with weeds. I could see groundsell and chickweed, and others that +I did not know. We set to work with a will. We used all our +tools—spades, forks, hoes, and rakes—and Dora worked with the trowel, +sitting down, because her foot was hurt. We cleared the weedy patch +beautifully, scraping off all the nasty weeds and leaving the nice clean +brown dirt. We worked as hard as ever we could. And we were happy, +because it was unselfish toil, and no one thought then of putting it in +the Book of Golden Deeds, where we had agreed to write down<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span> our +virtuous actions and the good doings of each other, when we happen to +notice them.</p> + +<p>We had just done, and we were looking at the beautiful production of our +honest labor, when the cottage door burst open, and the soldier's +widowed mother came out like a wild tornado, and her eyes looked like +upas-trees—death to the beholder.</p> + +<p>"You wicked, meddlesome, nasty children!" she said, "ain't you got +enough of your own good ground to runch up and spoil but you must come +into <i>my</i> little lot?"</p> + +<p>Some of us were deeply alarmed, but we stood firm.</p> + +<p>"We have only been weeding your garden," Dora said; "we wanted to do +something to help you."</p> + +<p>"Dratted little busybodies," she said. It was indeed hard, but every one +in Kent says "dratted" when they are cross. "It's my turnips," she went +on, "you've hoed up, and my cabbages. My turnips that my boy sowed afore +he went. There, get along with you, do, afore I come at you with my +broom-handle."</p> + +<p>She did come at us with her broom-handle as she spoke, and even the +boldest turned and fled. Oswald was even the boldest.</p> + +<p>"They looked like weeds right enough," he said.</p> + +<p>And Dicky said, "It all comes of trying to do golden deeds."</p> + +<p>This was when we were out in the road.</p> + +<p>As we went along, in a silence full of gloomy remorse, we met the +postman. He said:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Here's the letters for the Moat," and passed on hastily. He was a bit +late.</p> + +<p>When we came to look through the letters, which were nearly all for +Albert's uncle, we found there was a post-card that had got stuck in a +magazine wrapper. Alice pulled it out. It was addressed to Mrs. +Simpkins. We honorably only looked at the address, although it is +allowed by the rules of honorableness to read post-cards that come to +your house if you like, even if they are not for you.</p> + +<p>After a heated discussion, Alice and Oswald said they were not afraid, +whoever was, and they retraced their steps, Alice holding the post-card +right way up, so that we should not look at the lettery part of it, but +only the address.</p> + +<p>With quickly beating heart, but outwardly unmoved, they walked up to the +white cottage door.</p> + +<p>It opened with a bang when we knocked.</p> + +<p>"Well?" Mrs. Simpkins said, and I think she said it what people in books +call "sourly."</p> + +<p>Oswald said, "We are very, very sorry we spoiled your turnips, and we +will ask my father to try and make it up to you some other way."</p> + +<p>She muttered something about not wanting to be beholden to anybody.</p> + +<p>"We came back," Oswald went on, with his always unruffled politeness, +"because the postman gave us a post-card in mistake with our letters, +and it is addressed to you."</p> + +<p>"We haven't read it," Alice said, quickly. I think she needn't have said +that. Of course we<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span> hadn't. But perhaps girls know better than we do +what women are likely to think you capable of.</p> + +<p>The soldier's mother took the post-card (she snatched it really, but +"took" is a kinder word, considering everything) and she looked at the +address a long time. Then she turned it over and read what was on the +back. Then she drew her breath in as far as it would go, and caught hold +of the door-post. Her face got awful. It was like the wax face of a dead +king I saw once at Madame Tussaud's.</p> + +<p>Alice understood. She caught hold of the soldier's mother's hand and +said:</p> + +<p>"Oh <i>no</i>—it's <i>not</i> your boy Bill!"</p> + +<p>And the woman said nothing, but shoved the post-card into Alice's hand, +and we both read it—and it <i>was</i> her boy Bill.</p> + +<p>Alice gave her back the card. She had held on to the woman's hand all +the time, and now she squeezed the hand, and held it against her face. +But she could not say a word because she was crying so. The soldier's +mother took the card again and she pushed Alice away, but it was not an +unkind push, and she went in and shut the door; and as Alice and Oswald +went down the road Oswald looked back, and one of the windows of the +cottage had a white blind. Afterwards the other windows had too. There +were no blinds really to the cottage. It was aprons and things she had +pinned up.</p> + +<p>Alice cried most the morning, and so did the other girls. We wanted to +do something for the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span> soldier's mother, but you can do nothing when +people's sons are shot. It is the most dreadful thing to want to do +something for people who are unhappy, and not to know what to do.</p> + +<p>It was Noël who thought of what we <i>could</i> do at last.</p> + +<p>He said, "I suppose they don't put up tombstones to soldiers when they +die in war. But there—I mean—"</p> + +<p>Oswald said, "Of course not."</p> + +<p>Noël said, "I dare say you'll think it's silly, but I don't care. Don't +you think she'd like it if we put one up to <i>him</i>? Not in the +church-yard, of course, because we shouldn't be let, but in our garden, +just where it joins on to the church-yard?"</p> + +<p>And we all thought it was a first-rate idea.</p> + +<p>This is what we meant to put on the tombstone:</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Here lies<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0"><span class="smcap">Bill Simpkins</span><br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">Who died fighting for Queen<br /></span> +<span class="i0">and Country.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">* * * * *<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"A faithful son,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">A son so dear,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">A soldier brave<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Lies buried here."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>Then we remembered that poor, brave Bill was really buried far away in +the Southern hemisphere, if at all.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span></p> + +<p>So we altered it to—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"A soldier brave<br /></span> +<span class="i2">We weep for here."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>Then we looked out a nice flagstone in the stable-yard, and we got a +cold-chisel out of the dentist's tool-box, and began.</p> + +<p>But stone-cutting is difficult and dangerous work.</p> + +<p>Oswald went at it a bit, but he chipped his thumb, and it bled so he had +to chuck it. Then Dicky tried, and then Denny, but Dicky hammered his +finger, and Denny took all day over every stroke, so that by tea-time we +had only done the H, and about half the E—and the E was awfully +crooked. Oswald chipped his thumb over the H.</p> + +<p>We looked at it the next morning, and even the most sanguinary of us saw +that it was a hopeless task.</p> + +<p>Then Denny said, "Why not wood and paint?" and he showed us how. We got +a board and two stumps from the carpenter's in the village, and we +painted it all white, and when that was dry Denny did the words on it.</p> + +<p>It was something like this:</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"<span class="smcap">In Memory of BILL SIMPKINS</span><br /></span> +<span class="i0"><span class="smcap">Dead for Queen & Country</span><br /></span> +<span class="i0"><span class="smcap">Honor to his name and all</span><br /></span> +<span class="i0"><span class="smcap">other brave soldiers.</span>"<br /></span> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span></div></div> + +<p>We could not get in what we meant to at first, so we had to give up the +poetry.</p> + +<p>We fixed it up when it was dry. We had to dig jolly deep to get the +posts to stand up, but the gardener helped us.</p> + +<p>Then the girls made wreaths of white flowers, roses and canterbury +bells, and lilies and pinks, and sweet pease and daisies, and put them +over the posts, like you see in the picture. And I think if Bill +Simpkins had known how sorry we were, he would have been glad. Oswald +only hopes if <i>he</i> falls on the wild battle-field, which is his highest +ambition, that somebody will be as sorry about him as he was about Bill, +that's all!</p> + +<p>When all was done, and what flowers there were over from the wreaths +scattered under the tombstone between the posts, we wrote a letter to +Mrs. Simpkins, and said:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"<span class="smcap">Dear Mrs. Simpkins</span>,—We are very, very sorry about the +turnips and things, and we beg your pardon humbly. We have +put up a tombstone to your brave son."</p></div> + +<p>And we signed our names.</p> + +<p>Alice took the letter.</p> + +<p>The soldier's mother read it, and said something about our oughting to +know better than to make fun of people's troubles with our tombstones +and tomfoolery.</p> + +<p>Alice told me she could not help crying.</p> + +<p>She said:</p> + +<p>"It's <i>not</i>! it's <span class="smcap">not</span>! Dear, <i>dear</i> Mrs. Simpkins, do come with me and +see! You don't know how<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span> sorry we are about Bill. Do come and see. We +can go through the church-yard, and the others have all gone in, so as +to leave it quiet for you. Do come."</p> + +<p>And Mrs. Simpkins did. And when she read what we had put up, and Alice +told her the verse we had not had room for, she leaned against the wall +by the grave—I mean the tombstone—and Alice hugged her, and they both +cried bitterly. The poor soldier's mother was very, very pleased. And +she forgave us about the turnips, and we were friends after that, but +she always liked Alice the best. A great many people do, somehow.</p> + +<p>After that we used to put fresh flowers every day on Bill's tombstone, +and I do believe his mother <i>was</i> pleased, though she got us to move it +away from the church-yard edge and put it in a corner of our garden +under a laburnum, where people could not see it from the church. But you +could from the road, though I think she thought you couldn't. She came +every day to look at the new wreaths. When the white flowers gave out we +put colored, and she liked it just as well.</p> + +<p>About a fortnight after the erecting of the tombstone the girls were +putting fresh wreaths on it when a soldier in a red coat came down the +road, and he stopped and looked at us. He walked with a stick, and he +had a bundle in a blue cotton handkerchief and one arm in a sling.</p> + +<p>And he looked again, and he came nearer, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span> he leaned on the wall, so +that he could read the black printing on the white paint.</p> + +<p>And he grinned all over his face, and he said:</p> + +<p>"Well, I <i>am</i> blessed!"</p> + +<p>And he read it all out in a sort of half whisper, and when he came to +the end, where it says, "and all such brave soldiers," he said:</p> + +<p>"Well, I really <i>am</i>!" I suppose he meant he really was blessed.</p> + +<p>Oswald thought it was like the soldier's cheek, so he said:</p> + +<p>"I dare say you aren't so very blessed as you think. What's it to do +with you, anyway, eh, Tommy?"</p> + +<p>Of course Oswald knew from Kipling that an infantry soldier is called +that. The soldier said:</p> + +<p>"Tommy yourself, young man. That's <i>me</i>!" and he pointed to the +tombstone.</p> + +<p>We stood rooted to the spot. Alice spoke first.</p> + +<p>"Then you're Bill, and you're not dead," she said, "Oh, Bill, I am so +glad! Do let <i>me</i> tell your mother."</p> + +<p>She started running, and so did we all. Bill had to go slowly because of +his leg, but I tell you he went as fast as ever he could.</p> + +<p>We all hammered at the soldier's mother's door, and shouted:</p> + +<p>"Come out! come out!" and when she opened the door we were going to +speak, but she pushed us away, and went tearing down the garden path +like winking. I never saw a grown-up woman run like it, because she saw +Bill coming.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span></p> + +<p>She met him at the gate, running right into him, and caught hold of him, +and she cried much more than when she thought he was dead.</p> + +<p>And we all shook his hand and said how glad we were.</p> + +<p>The soldier's mother kept hold of him with both hands, and I couldn't +help looking at her face. It was like wax that had been painted pink on +both cheeks, and the eyes shining like candles. And when we had all said +how glad we were, she said:</p> + +<p>"Thank the dear Lord for His mercies," and she took her boy Bill into +the cottage and shut the door.</p> + +<p>We went home and chopped up the tombstone with the wood-axe and had a +blazing big bonfire, and cheered till we could hardly speak.</p> + +<p>The post-card was a mistake; he was only missing. There was a pipe and a +whole pound of tobacco left over from our keepsake to the other +soldiers. We gave it to Bill. Father is going to have him for +under-gardener when his wounds get well. He'll always be a bit lame, so +he cannot fight any more.</p> + +<p>I am very glad <i>some</i> soldiers' mothers get their boys home again.</p> + +<p>But if they have to die, it is a glorious death; and I hope mine will be +that.</p> + +<p>And three cheers for the Queen, and the mothers who let their boys go, +and the mothers' sons who fight and die for old England. Hip, hip, +hurrah!</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span></p> +<h2>THE TOWER OF MYSTERY</h2> + +<div class="drop"> +<img src="images/drop_i.jpg" width="127" height="125" alt="I" class="cap" /> + + +<p class="cap_1">It was very rough on Dora having her foot bad, but we took it in turns +to stay in with her, and she was very decent about it. Daisy was most +with her. I do not dislike Daisy, but I wish she had been taught how to +play. Because Dora is rather like that naturally, and sometimes I have +thought that Daisy makes her worse.</p></div> + +<p>I talked to Albert's uncle about it one day when the others had gone to +church, and I did not go because of earache, and he said it came from +reading the wrong sort of books partly—she has read <i>Ministering +Children</i>, and <i>Anna Ross, or The Orphan of Waterloo</i>, and <i>Ready Work +for Willing Hands</i>, and <i>Elsie, or Like a Little Candle</i>, and even a +horrid little blue book about the something or other of Little Sins. +After this conversation Oswald took care she had plenty of the right +sort of books to read, and he was surprised and pleased when she got up +early one morning to finish <i>Monte Cristo</i>. Oswald felt that he was +really being useful to a suffering fellow-creature when he gave Daisy +books that were not all about being good.</p> + +<p>A few days after Dora was laid up Alice called<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span> a council of the +Wouldbegoods, and Oswald and Dicky attended with darkly clouded brows. +Alice had the minute-book, which was an exercise-book that had not much +written in it. She had begun at the other end. I hate doing that myself, +because there is so little room at the top compared with right way up.</p> + +<p>Dora and a sofa had been carried out on to the lawn, and we were on the +grass. It was very hot and dry. We had sherbet. Alice read:</p> + +<p>"'Society of the Wouldbegoods.</p> + +<p>"'We have not done much. Dicky mended a window, and we got the milk-pan +out of the moat that dropped through where he mended it. Dora, Oswald, +Dicky and me got upset in the moat. This was not goodness. Dora's foot +was hurt. We hope to do better next time.'"</p> + +<p>Then came Noël's poem:</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"'We are the Wouldbegoods Society,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We are not good yet, but we mean to try.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And if we try, and if we don't succeed,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It must mean we are very bad indeed.'"<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>This sounded so much righter than Noël's poetry generally does, that +Oswald said so, and Noël explained that Denny had helped him.</p> + +<p>"He seems to know the right length for lines of poetry. I suppose it +comes of learning so much at school," Noël said.</p> + +<p>Then Oswald proposed that anybody should be allowed to write in the book +if they found out anything good that any one else had done, but not<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span> +things that were public acts; and nobody was to write about themselves, +or anything other people told them, only what they found out.</p> + +<p>After a brief jaw the others agreed, and Oswald felt, not for the first +time in his young life, that he would have made a good diplomatic hero +to carry despatches and outwit the other side. For now he had put it out +of the minute-book's power to be the kind of thing readers of +<i>Ministering Children</i> would have wished.</p> + +<p>"And if any one tells other people any good thing he's done he is to go +to Coventry for the rest of the day." And Denny remarked, "We shall do +good by stealth and blush to find it shame."</p> + +<p>After that nothing was written in the book for some time. I looked +about, and so did the others, but I never caught any one in the act of +doing anything extra; though several of the others have told me since of +things they did at this time, and really wondered nobody had noticed.</p> + +<p>I think I said before, that when you tell a story you cannot tell +everything. It would be silly to do it. Because ordinary kinds of play +are dull to read about; and the only other thing is meals, and to dwell +on what you eat is greedy and not like a hero at all. A hero is always +contented with a venison pasty and a horn of sack. All the same, the +meals <i>were</i> very interesting; with things you do not get at home—Lent +pies with custard and currants in them, sausage rolls, and flede cakes, +and raisin cakes and apple turnovers, and honeycomb<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span> and syllabubs, +besides as much new milk as you cared about, and cream now and then, and +cheese always on the table for tea. Father told Mrs. Pettigrew to get +what meals she liked, and she got these strange but attractive foods.</p> + +<p>In a story about Wouldbegoods it is not proper to tell of times when +only some of us were naughty, so I will pass lightly over the time when +Noël got up the kitchen chimney and brought three bricks and an old +starling's nest and about a ton of soot down with him when he fell. They +never use the big chimney in the summer, but cook in the wash-house. Nor +do I wish to dwell on what H. O. did when he went into the dairy. I do +not know what his motive was. But Mrs. Pettigrew said <i>she</i> knew; and +she locked him in, and said if it was cream he wanted he should have +enough, and she wouldn't let him out till tea-time. The cat had also got +into the dairy for some reason of her own, and when H. O. was tired of +whatever he went in for he poured all the milk into the churn and tried +to teach the cat to swim in it. He must have been desperate. The cat did +not even try to learn, and H. O. had the scars on his hands for weeks. I +do not wish to tell tales of H. O., for he is very young, and whatever +he does he always catches it for; but I will just allude to our being +told not to eat the greengages in the garden. And we did not. And +whatever H. O. did was Noël's fault—for Noël told H. O. that greengages +would grow again all right if you did not bite as far as the stone, just +as wounds are not<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span> mortal except when you are pierced through the heart. +So the two of them bit bites out of every greengage they could reach. +And of course the pieces did not grow again.</p> + +<p>Oswald did not do things like these, but then he is older than his +brothers. The only thing he did just about then was making a booby-trap +for Mrs. Pettigrew when she had locked H. O. up in the dairy, and +unfortunately it was the day she was going out in her best things, and +part of the trap was a can of water. Oswald was not willingly vicious; +it was but a light and thoughtless act which he had every reason to be +sorry for afterwards. And he is sorry even without those reasons, +because he knows it is ungentlemanly to play tricks on women.</p> + +<p>I remember mother telling Dora and me when we were little that you ought +to be very kind and polite to servants, because they have to work very +hard, and do not have so many good times as we do. I used to think about +mother more at the Moat House than I did at Blackheath, especially in +the garden. She was very fond of flowers, and she used to tell us about +the big garden where she used to live; and, I remember, Dora and I +helped her to plant seeds. But it is no use wishing. She would have +liked that garden, though.</p> + +<p>The girls and the white mice did not do anything boldly wicked—though +of course they used to borrow Mrs. Pettigrew's needles, which made her +very nasty. Needles that are borrowed might just as well be stolen. But +I say no more.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span></p> + +<p>I have only told you these things to show the kind of events which +occurred on the days I don't tell you about. On the whole, we had an +excellent time.</p> + +<p>It was on the day we had the pillow-fight that we went for the long +walk. Not the Pilgrimage—that is another story. We did not mean to have +a pillow-fight. It is not usual to have them after breakfast, but Oswald +had come up to get his knife out of the pocket of his Etons, to cut some +wire we were making rabbit snares of. It is a very good knife, with a +file in it, as well as a corkscrew and other things—and he did not come +down at once, because he was detained by having to make an apple-pie bed +for Dicky. Dicky came up after him to see what we was up to, and when he +did see he buzzed a pillow at Oswald, and the fight began. The others, +hearing the noise of battle from afar, hastened to the field of action, +all except Dora, who couldn't, because of being laid up with her foot, +and Daisy, because she is a little afraid of us still, when we are all +together. She thinks we are rough. This comes of having only one +brother.</p> + +<p>Well, the fight was a very fine one. Alice backed me up, and Noël and H. +O. backed Dicky, and Denny heaved a pillow or two; but he cannot shy +straight, so I don't know which side he was on.</p> + +<p>And just as the battle raged most fiercely, Mrs. Pettigrew came in and +snatched the pillows away, and shook those of the warriors who were +small<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span> enough for it. <i>She</i> was rough if you like. She also used +language I should have thought she would be above. She said, "Drat you!" +and "Drabbit you!" The last is a thing I have never heard said before. +She said:</p> + +<p>"There's no peace of your life with you children. Drat your antics! And +that poor, dear, patient gentleman right underneath, with his headache +and his handwriting: and you rampaging about over his head like young +bull-calves. I wonder you haven't more sense, a great girl like you."</p> + +<p>She said this to Alice, and Alice answered gently, as we are told to do:</p> + +<p>"I really am awfully sorry; we forgot about the headache. Don't be +cross, Mrs. Pettigrew; we didn't mean to; we didn't think."</p> + +<p>"You never do," she said, and her voice, though grumpy, was no longer +violent. "Why on earth you can't take yourselves off for the day I don't +know."</p> + +<p>We all said, "But may we?"</p> + +<p>She said, "Of course you may. Now put on your boots and go for a good +long walk. And I'll tell you what—I'll put you up a snack, and you can +have an egg to your tea to make up for missing your dinner. Now don't go +clattering about the stairs and passages, there's good children. See if +you can't be quiet this once, and give the good gentleman a chance with +his copying."</p> + +<p>She went off. Her bark is worse than her bite. She does not understand +anything about writing books, though. She thinks Albert's uncle copies<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span> +things out of printed books, when he is really writing new ones. I +wonder how she thinks printed books get made first of all. Many servants +are like this.</p> + +<p>She gave us the "snack" in a basket, and sixpence to buy milk with. She +said any of the farms would let us have it, only most likely it would be +skim. We thanked her politely, and she hurried us out of the front door +as if we'd been chickens on a pansy bed.</p> + +<p>(I did not know till after I had left the farm gate open, and the hens +had got into the garden, that these feathered bipeds display a great +partiality for the young buds of plants of the genus <i>viola</i>, to which +they are extremely destructive. I was told that by the gardener. I +looked it up in the gardening book afterwards to be sure he was right. +You do learn a lot of things in the country.)</p> + +<p>We went through the garden as far as the church, and then we rested a +bit in the porch, and just looked into the basket to see what the +"snack" was. It proved sausage rolls, and queen cakes, and a Lent pie in +a round tin dish, and some hard-boiled eggs, and some apples. We all ate +the apples at once, so as not to have to carry them about with us. The +church-yard smells awfully good. It is the wild thyme that grows on the +graves. This is another thing we did not know before we came into the +country.</p> + +<p>Then the door of the church tower was ajar, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span> we all went up; it had +always been locked before when we had tried it.</p> + +<p>We saw the ringer's loft where the ends of the bell-ropes hang down with +long, furry handles to them like great caterpillars, some red, and some +blue and white, but we did not pull them. And then we went up to where +the bells are, very big and dusty among large dirty beams; and four +windows with no glass, only shutters like Venetian blinds, but they +won't pull up. There were heaps of straws and sticks on the window +ledges. We think they were owls' nests, but we did not see any owls.</p> + +<p>Then the tower stairs got very narrow and dark, and we went on up, and +we came to a door and opened it suddenly, and it was like being hit in +the face, the light was so sudden. And there we were on the top of the +tower, which is flat, and people have cut their names on it, and a +turret at one corner, and a low wall all round, up and down, like castle +battlements. And we looked down and saw the roof of the church, and the +leads, and the church-yard, and our garden, and the Moat House, and the +farm, and Mrs. Simpkins's cottage, looking very small, and other farms +looking like toy things out of boxes, and we saw cornfields and meadows +and pastures. A pasture is not the same thing as a meadow, whatever you +may think. And we saw the tops of trees and hedges, looking like the map +of the United States, and villages, and a tower that did not look very +far away standing by itself on the top of a hill.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span></p> + +<p>Alice pointed to it, and said:</p> + +<p>"What's that?"</p> + +<p>"It's not a church," said Noël, "because there's no church-yard. Perhaps +it's a tower of mystery that covers the entrance to a subterranean vault +with treasure in it."</p> + +<p>Dicky said, "Subterranean fiddlestick!" and "A water-works, more +likely."</p> + +<p>Alice thought perhaps it was a ruined castle, and the rest of its +crumbling walls were concealed by ivy, the growth of years.</p> + +<p>Oswald could not make his mind up what it was, so he said: "Let's go and +see! We may as well go there as anywhere."</p> + +<p>So we got down out of the church tower and dusted ourselves, and set +out.</p> + +<p>The Tower of Mystery showed quite plainly from the road, now that we +knew where to look for it, because it was on the top of a hill. We began +to walk. But the tower did not seem to get any nearer. And it was very +hot.</p> + +<p>So we sat down in a meadow where there was a stream in the ditch and ate +the "snack." We drank the pure water from the brook out of our hands, +because there was no farm to get milk at just there, and it was too much +fag to look for one—and, besides, we thought we might as well save the +sixpence.</p> + +<p>Then we started again, and still the tower looked as far off as ever. +Denny began to drag his feet, though he had brought a walking-stick +which none of the rest of us had, and said:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I wish a cart would come along. We might get a lift."</p> + +<p>He knew all about getting lifts, of course, from having been in the +country before. He is not quite the white mouse we took him for at +first. Of course when you live in Lewisham or Blackheath you learn other +things. If you asked for a lift in Lewisham, High Street, your only +reply would be jeers. We sat down on a heap of stones, and decided that +we would ask for a lift from the next cart, whichever way it was going. +It was while we were waiting that Oswald found out about plantain seeds +being good to eat.</p> + +<p>When the sound of wheels came we remarked with joy that the cart was +going towards the Tower of Mystery. It was a cart a man was going to +fetch a pig home in. Denny said:</p> + +<p>"I say, you might give us a lift. Will you?"</p> + +<p>The man who was going for the pig said:</p> + +<p>"What, all that little lot?" but he winked at Alice, and we saw that he +meant to aid us on our way. So we climbed up, and he whipped up the +horse and asked us where we were going. He was a kindly old man, with a +face like a walnut shell, and white hair and beard like a +jack-in-the-box.</p> + +<p>"We want to get to the tower," Alice said. "Is it a ruin, or not?"</p> + +<p>"It ain't no ruin," the man said; "no fear of that! The man wot built it +he left so much a year to be spent on repairing of it! Money that might +have put bread in honest folks' mouths."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span></p> + +<p>We asked was it a church then, or not.</p> + +<p>"Church?" he said. "Not it. It's more of a tombstone, from all I can +make out. They do say there was a curse on him that built it, and he +wasn't to rest in earth or sea. So he's buried half-way up the tower—if +you can call it buried."</p> + +<p>"Can you go up it?" Oswald asked.</p> + +<p>"Lord love you! yes; a fine view from the top, they say. I've never been +up myself, though I've lived in sight of it, boy and man, these +sixty-three years come harvest."</p> + +<p>Alice asked whether you had to go past the dead and buried person to get +to the top of the tower, and could you see the coffin.</p> + +<p>"No, no," the man said; "that's all hid away behind a slab of stone, +that is, with reading on it. You've no call to be afraid, missy. It's +daylight all the way up. But I wouldn't go there after dark, so I +wouldn't. It's always open, day and night, and they say tramps sleep +there now and again. Any one who likes can sleep there, but it wouldn't +be me."</p> + +<p>We thought that it would not be us either, but we wanted to go more than +ever, especially when the man said:</p> + +<p>"My own great-uncle of the mother's side, he was one of the masons that +set up the stone slab. Before then it was thick glass, and you could see +the dead man lying inside, as he'd left it in his will. He was lying +there in a glass coffin with his best clothes—blue satin and silver, my +uncle said, such as was all the go in his day, with his wig on,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span> and his +sword beside him, what he used to wear. My uncle said his hair had grown +out from under his wig, and his beard was down to the toes of him. My +uncle he always upheld that that dead man was no deader than you and me, +but was in a sort of fit, a transit, I think they call it, and looked +for him to waken into life again some day. But the doctor said not. It +was only something done to him like Pharaoh in the Bible afore he was +buried."</p> + +<p>Alice whispered to Oswald that we should be late for tea, and wouldn't +it be better to go back now directly. But he said:</p> + +<p>"If you're afraid, say so; and you needn't come in anyway—but I'm going +on."</p> + +<p>The man who was going for the pig put us down at a gate quite near the +tower—at least it looked so until we began to walk again. We thanked +him, and he said:</p> + +<p>"Quite welcome," and drove off.</p> + +<p>We were rather quiet going through the wood. What we had heard made us +very anxious to see the tower—all except Alice, who would keep talking +about tea, though not a greedy girl by nature. None of the others +encouraged her, but Oswald thought himself that we had better be home +before dark.</p> + +<p>As we went up the path through the wood we saw a poor wayfarer with +dusty bare feet sitting on the bank.</p> + +<p>He stopped us and said he was a sailor, and asked for a trifle to help +him to get back to his ship.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span></p> + +<p>I did not like the look of him much myself, but Alice said, "Oh, the +poor man, do let's help him, Oswald." So we held a hurried council, and +decided to give him the milk sixpence. Oswald had it in his purse, and +he had to empty the purse into his hand to find the sixpence, for that +was not all the money he had, by any means. Noël said afterwards that he +saw the wayfarer's eyes fastened greedily upon the shining pieces as +Oswald returned them to his purse. Oswald has to own that he purposely +let the man see that he had more money, so that the man might not feel +shy about accepting so large a sum as sixpence.</p> + +<p>The man blessed our kind hearts and we went on.</p> + +<p>The sun was shining very brightly, and the Tower of Mystery did not look +at all like a tomb when we got to it. The bottom story was on arches, +all open, and ferns and things grew underneath. There was a round stone +stair going up in the middle. Alice began to gather ferns while we went +up, but when we had called out to her that it was as the pig-man had +said, and daylight all the way up, she said:</p> + +<p>"All right. I'm not afraid. I'm only afraid of being late home," and +came up after us. And perhaps, though not downright manly truthfulness, +this was as much as you could expect from a girl.</p> + +<p>There were holes in the little tower of the staircase to let light in. +At the top of it was a thick door with iron bolts. We shot these back, +and it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span> was not fear but caution that made Oswald push open the door so +very slowly and carefully.</p> + +<p>Because, of course, a stray dog or cat might have got shut up there by +accident, and it would have startled Alice very much if it had jumped +out on us.</p> + +<p>When the door was opened we saw that there was no such thing. It was a +room with eight sides. Denny says it is the shape called octagenarian; +because a man named Octagius invented it. There were eight large arched +windows with no glass, only stone-work, like in churches. The room was +full of sunshine, and you could see the blue sky through the windows, +but nothing else, because they were so high up. It was so bright we +began to think the pig-man had been kidding us. Under one of the windows +was a door. We went through, and there was a little passage and then a +turret-twisting stair, like in the church, but quite light with windows. +When we had gone some way up this, we came to a sort of landing, and +there was a block of stone let into the wall—polished—Denny said it +was Aberdeen graphite, with gold letters cut in it. It said:</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Here lies the body of Mr. Richard Ravenal.<br /></span> +<span class="i4">Born 1720. Died 1779."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>and a verse of poetry:</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Here lie I, between earth and sky,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Think upon me, dear passers-by,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And you who do my tombstone see<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Be kind to say a prayer for me."<br /></span> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span></div></div> + +<p>"How horrid!" Alice said. "Do let's get home."</p> + +<p>"We may as well go to the top," Dicky said, "just to say we've been."</p> + +<p>And Alice is no funk—so she agreed; though I could see she did not like +it.</p> + +<p>Up at the top it was like the top of the church tower, only octagenarian +in shape, instead of square.</p> + +<p>Alice got all right there; because you cannot think much about ghosts +and nonsense when the sun is shining bang down on you at four o'clock in +the afternoon, and you can see red farm-roofs between the trees, and the +safe white roads, with people in carts like black ants crawling.</p> + +<p>It was very jolly, but we felt we ought to be getting back, because tea +is at five, and we could not hope to find lifts both ways.</p> + +<p>So we started to go down. Dicky went first, then Oswald, then Alice—and +H. O. had just stumbled over the top step and saved himself by Alice's +back, which nearly upset Oswald and Dicky, when the hearts of all stood +still, and then went on by leaps and bounds, like the good work in +missionary magazines.</p> + +<p>For, down below us, in the tower where the man whose beard grew down to +his toes after he was dead was buried, there was a noise—a loud noise. +And it was like a door being banged and bolts fastened. We tumbled over +each other to get back into the open sunshine on the top of the tower, +and Alice's hand got jammed between the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span> edge of the doorway and H. O.'s +boot; it was bruised black and blue, and another part bled, but she did +not notice it till long after.</p> + +<p>We looked at each other, and Oswald said in a firm voice (at least, I +hope it was):</p> + +<p>"What was that?"</p> + +<p>"He <i>has</i> waked up," Alice said. "Oh, I know he has. Of course there is +a door for him to get out by when he wakes. He'll come up here. I know +he will."</p> + +<p>Dicky said, and his voice was not at all firm (I noticed that at the +time), "It doesn't matter, if he's <i>alive</i>."</p> + +<p>"Unless he's come to life a raving lunatic," Noël said, and we all stood +with our eyes on the doorway of the turret—and held our breath to hear.</p> + +<p>But there was no more noise.</p> + +<p>Then Oswald said—and nobody ever put it in the Golden Deed book, though +they own that it was brave and noble of him—he said:</p> + +<p>"Perhaps it was only the wind blowing one of the doors to. I'll go down +and see, if you will, Dick."</p> + +<p>Dicky only said:</p> + +<p>"The wind doesn't shoot bolts."</p> + +<p>"A bolt from the blue," said Denny to himself, looking up at the sky. +His father is a sub-editor. He had gone very red, and he was holding on +to Alice's hand. Suddenly he stood up quite straight and said:</p> + +<p>"I'm not afraid. I'll go and see."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span></p> + +<p><i>This</i> was afterwards put in the Golden Deed book. It ended in Oswald +and Dicky and Denny going. Denny went first because he said he would +rather—and Oswald understood this and let him. If Oswald had pushed +first it would have been like Sir Launcelot refusing to let a young +knight win his spurs. Oswald took good care to go second himself, +though. The others never understood this. You don't expect it from +girls; but I did think father would have understood without Oswald +telling him, which of course he never could.</p> + +<p>We all went slowly.</p> + +<p>At the bottom of the turret stairs we stopped short. Because the door +there was bolted fast and would not yield to shoves, however desperate +and united.</p> + +<p>Only now somehow we felt that Mr. Richard Ravenal was all right and +quiet, but that some one had done it for a lark, or perhaps not known +about any one being up there. So we rushed up, and Oswald told the +others in a few hasty but well-chosen words, and we all leaned over +between the battlements, and shouted, "Hi! you there!"</p> + +<p>Then from under the arches of the quite-down-stairs part of the tower a +figure came forth—and it was the sailor who had had our milk sixpence. +He looked up and he spoke to us. He did not speak loud, but he spoke +loud enough for us to hear every word quite plainly. He said:</p> + +<p>"Drop that."</p> + +<p>Oswald said, "Drop what?"</p> + +<p>He said, "That row."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span></p> + +<p>Oswald said, "Why?"</p> + +<p>He said, "Because if you don't I'll come up and make you, and pretty +quick too, so I tell you."</p> + +<p>Dicky said, "Did you bolt the door?"</p> + +<p>The man said, "I did so, my young cock."</p> + +<p>Alice said—and Oswald wished to goodness she had held her tongue, +because he saw right enough the man was not friendly—"Oh, do come and +let us out—do, please."</p> + +<p>While she was saying it Oswald suddenly saw that he did not want the man +to come up. So he scurried down the stairs because he thought he had +seen something on the door on the top side, and sure enough there were +two bolts, and he shot them into their sockets. This bold act was not +put in the Golden Deed book, because when Alice wanted to, the others +said it was not <i>good</i> of Oswald to think of this, but only <i>clever</i>. I +think sometimes, in moments of danger and disaster, it is as good to be +clever as it is to be good. But Oswald would never demean himself to +argue about this.</p> + +<p>When he got back the man was still standing staring up. Alice said:</p> + +<p>"Oh, Oswald, he says he won't let us out unless we give him all our +money. And we might be here for days and days and all night as well. No +one knows where we are to come and look for us. Oh, do let's give it him +<i>all</i>."</p> + +<p>She thought the lion of the English nation, which does not know when it +is beaten, would be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span> ramping in her brother's breast. But Oswald kept +calm. He said:</p> + +<p>"All right," and he made the others turn out their pockets. Denny had a +bad shilling, with a head on both sides, and three halfpence. H. O. had +a halfpenny. Noël had a French penny, which is only good for chocolate +machines at railway stations. Dicky had tenpence halfpenny, and Oswald +had a two-shilling piece of his own that he was saving up to buy a gun +with. Oswald tied the whole lot up in his handkerchief, and looking over +the battlements, he said:</p> + +<p>"You are an ungrateful beast. We gave you sixpence freely of our own +will."</p> + +<p>The man did look a little bit ashamed, but he mumbled something about +having his living to get.</p> + +<p>Then Oswald said:</p> + +<p>"Here you are. Catch!" and he flung down the handkerchief with the money +in it.</p> + +<p>The man muffed the catch—butter-fingered idiot!—but he picked up the +handkerchief and undid it, and when he saw what was in it he swore +dreadfully. The cad!</p> + +<p>"Look here," he called out, "this won't do, young shaver. I want those +there shiners I see in your pus! Chuck 'em along!"</p> + +<p>Then Oswald laughed. He said:</p> + +<p>"I shall know you again anywhere, and you'll be put in prison for this. +Here are the <i>shiners</i>." And he was so angry he chucked down purse and +all. The shiners were not real ones, but only card-counters that looked +like sovereigns<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span> on one side. Oswald used to carry them in his purse so +as to look affluent. He does not do this now.</p> + +<p>When the man had seen what was in the purse he disappeared under the +tower, and Oswald was glad of what he had done about the bolts—and he +hoped they were as strong as the ones on the other side of the door.</p> + +<p>They were.</p> + +<p>We heard the man kicking and pounding at the door, and I am not ashamed +to say that we were all holding on to each other very tight. I am proud, +however, to relate that nobody screamed or cried.</p> + +<p>After what appeared to be long years, the banging stopped, and presently +we saw the brute going away among the trees.</p> + +<p>Then Alice did cry, and I do not blame her.</p> + +<p>Then Oswald said:</p> + +<p>"It's no use. Even if he's undone the door, he may be in ambush. We must +hold on here till somebody comes."</p> + +<p>Then Alice said, speaking chokily because she had not quite done crying:</p> + +<p>"Let's wave a flag."</p> + +<p>By the most fortunate accident she had on one of her Sunday petticoats, +though it was Monday. This petticoat is white. She tore it out at the +gathers, and we tied it to Denny's stick, and took turns to wave it. We +had laughed at his carrying a stick before, but we were very sorry now +that we had done so.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span></p> + +<p>And the tin dish the Lent pie was baked in we polished with our +handkerchiefs, and moved it about in the sun so that the sun might +strike on it and signal our distress to some of the outlying farms.</p> + +<p>This was perhaps the most dreadful adventure that had then ever happened +to us. Even Alice had now stopped thinking of Mr. Richard Ravenal, and +thought only of the lurker in ambush.</p> + +<p>We all felt our desperate situation keenly. I must say Denny behaved +like anything but a white mouse. When it was the others' turn to wave, +he sat on the leads of the tower and held Alice's and Noël's hands, and +said poetry to them—yards and yards of it. By some strange fatality it +seemed to comfort them. It wouldn't have me.</p> + +<p>He said "The Battle of the Baltic," and "Gray's Elegy," right through, +though I think he got wrong in places, and the "Revenge," and Macaulay's +thing about Lars Porsena and the Nine Gods. And when it was his turn he +waved like a man.</p> + +<p>I will try not to call him a white mouse any more. He was a brick that +day, and no mouse.</p> + +<p>The sun was low in the heavens, and we were sick of waving and very +hungry, when we saw a cart in the road below. We waved like mad, and +shouted, and Denny screamed exactly like a railway whistle, a thing none +of us had known before that he could do.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 494px;"> +<img src="images/gs04.jpg" width="494" height="650" alt=""DENNY HELD ALICE'S AND NOËL'S HANDS"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"DENNY HELD ALICE'S AND NOËL'S HANDS"</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span></p> + +<p>And the cart stopped. And presently we saw a figure with a white beard +among the trees. It was our pig-man.</p> + +<p>We bellowed the awful truth to him, and when he had taken it in—he +thought at first we were kidding—he came up and let us out.</p> + +<p>He had got the pig; luckily it was a very small one—and we were not +particular. Denny and Alice sat on the front of the cart with the +pig-man, and the rest of us got in with the pig, and the man drove us +right home. You may think we talked it over on the way. Not us. We went +to sleep, among the pig, and before long the pig-man stopped and got us +to make room for Alice and Denny. There was a net over the cart. I never +was so sleepy in my life, though it was not more than bedtime.</p> + +<p>Generally, after anything exciting, you are punished—but this could not +be, because we had only gone for a walk, exactly as we were told.</p> + +<p>There was a new rule made, though. No walks, except on the high-roads, +and we were always to take Pincher, and either Lady, the deer-hound, or +Martha, the bull-dog. We generally hate rules, but we did not mind this +one.</p> + +<p>Father gave Denny a gold pencil-case because he was first to go down +into the tower. Oswald does not grudge Denny this, though some might +think he deserved at least a silver one.</p> + +<p>But Oswald is above such paltry jealousies.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span></p> +<h2>THE WATER-WORKS</h2> + +<div class="drop"> +<img src="images/drop_t2.jpg" width="124" height="125" alt="T" class="cap" /> + +<p class="cap_3">This is the story of one of the most far-reaching and influentially +naughty things we ever did in our lives. We did not mean to do such a +deed. And yet we did do it. These things will happen with the +best-regulated consciences.</p></div> + +<p>The story of this rash and fatal act is intimately involved—which means +all mixed up anyhow—with a private affair of Oswald's, and the one +cannot be revealed without the other. Oswald does not particularly want +his story to be remembered, but he wishes to tell the truth, and perhaps +it is what father calls a wholesome discipline to lay bare the awful +facts.</p> + +<p>It was like this.</p> + +<p>On Alice's and Noël's birthday we went on the river for a picnic. Before +that we had not known that there was a river so near us. Afterwards +father said he wished we had been allowed to remain in our pristine +ignorance, whatever that is. And perhaps the dark hour did dawn when we +wished so too. But a truce to vain regrets.</p> + +<p>It was rather a fine thing in birthdays. The uncle sent a box of toys +and sweets, things that were like a vision from another and a brighter<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span> +world. Besides that Alice had a knife, a pair of shut-up scissors, a +silk handkerchief, a book—it was <i>The Golden Age</i> and is A1 except +where it gets mixed with grown-up nonsense. Also a work-case lined with +pink plush, a boot-bag, which no one in their senses would use because +it had flowers in wool all over it. And she had a box of chocolates and +a musical box that played "The Man Who Broke" and two other +tunes, and two pairs of kid gloves for church, and a box of +writing-paper—pink—with "Alice" on it in gold writing, and an egg +colored red that said "A. Bastable" in ink on one side. These gifts were +the offerings of Oswald, Dora, Dicky, Albert's uncle, Daisy, Mr. Foulkes +(our own robber), Noël, H. O., father, and Denny. Mrs. Pettigrew gave +the egg. It was a kindly housekeeper's friendly token.</p> + +<p>I shall not tell you about the picnic on the river, because the happiest +times form but dull reading when they are written down. I will merely +state that it was prime. Though happy, the day was uneventful. The only +thing exciting enough to write about was in one of the locks, where +there was a snake—a viper. It was asleep in a warm corner of the lock +gate, and when the gate was shut it fell off into the water.</p> + +<p>Alice and Dora screamed hideously. So did Daisy, but her screams were +thinner.</p> + +<p>The snake swam round and round all the time our boat was in the lock. It +swam with four inches of itself—the head end—reared up out of the +water,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span> exactly like Kaa in the Jungle book—so we know Kipling is a +true author and no rotter. We were careful to keep our hands well inside +the boat. A snake's eyes strike terror into the boldest breast.</p> + +<p>When the lock was full father killed the viper with a boat-hook. I was +sorry for it myself. It was indeed a venomous serpent. But it was the +first we had ever seen, except at the Zoo. And it did swim most awfully +well.</p> + +<p>Directly the snake had been killed H. O. reached out for its corpse, and +the next moment the body of our little brother was seen wriggling +conclusively on the boat's edge. This exciting spectacle was not of a +lasting nature. He went right in. Father clawed him out. He is very +unlucky with water.</p> + +<p>Being a birthday, but little was said. H. O. was wrapped in everybody's +coats, and did not take any cold at all.</p> + +<p>This glorious birthday ended with an iced cake and ginger wine, and +drinking healths. Then we played whatever we liked. There had been +rounders during the afternoon. It was a day to be forever marked by +memory's brightest what's-its-name.</p> + +<p>I should not have said anything about the picnic but for one thing. It +was the thin edge of the wedge. It was the all-powerful lever that moved +but too many events. You see, <i>we were now no longer strangers to the +river</i>.</p> + +<p>And we went there whenever we could. Only we had to take the dogs, and +to promise no bathing<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span> without grown-ups. But paddling in back waters +was allowed. I say no more.</p> + +<p>I have not enumerated Noël's birthday presents because I wish to leave +something to the imagination of my young readers. (The best authors +always do this.) If you will take the large, red catalogue of the Army +and Navy Stores, and just make a list of about fifteen of the things you +would like best—prices from 2<i>s.</i> to 25<i>s.</i>—you will get a very good +idea of Noël's presents, and it will help you to make up your mind in +case you are asked just before your next birthday what you really +<i>need</i>.</p> + +<p>One of Noël's birthday presents was a cricket-ball. He cannot bowl for +nuts, and it was a first-rate ball. So some days after the birthday +Oswald offered him to exchange it for a cocoanut he had won at the fair, +and two pencils (new), and a brand-new note-book. Oswald thought, and he +still thinks, that this was a fair exchange, and so did Noël at the +time, and he agreed to it, and was quite pleased till the girls said it +wasn't fair, and Oswald had the best of it. And then that young beggar +Noël wanted the ball back, but Oswald, though not angry, was firm.</p> + +<p>"You said it was a bargain, and you shook hands on it," he said, and he +said it quite kindly and calmly.</p> + +<p>Noël said he didn't care. He wanted his cricket-ball back.</p> + +<p>And the girls said it was a horrid shame.</p> + +<p>If they had not said that, Oswald might yet<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span> have consented to let Noël +have the beastly ball, but now, of course, he was not going to. He said:</p> + +<p>"Oh yes, I dare say. And then you would be wanting the cocoanut and +things again the next minute."</p> + +<p>"No, I shouldn't," Noël said. It turned out afterwards he and H. O. had +eaten the cocoanut, which only made it worse. And it made them worse, +too—which is what the book calls poetic justice.</p> + +<p>Dora said, "I don't think it was fair," and even Alice said:</p> + +<p>"Do let him have it back, Oswald." I wish to be just to Alice. She did +not know then about the cocoanut having been secretly wolfed up.</p> + +<p>We were in the garden. Oswald felt all the feelings of the hero when the +opposing forces gathered about him are opposing as hard as ever they +can. He knew he was not unfair, and he did not like to be jawed at just +because Noël had eaten the cocoanut and wanted the ball back. Though +Oswald did not know then about the eating of the cocoanut, but he felt +the injustice in his soul all the same.</p> + +<p>Noël said afterwards he meant to offer Oswald something else to make up +for the cocoanut, but he said nothing about this at the time.</p> + +<p>"Give it me, I say," Noël said.</p> + +<p>And Oswald said, "Sha'n't!"</p> + +<p>Then Noël called Oswald names, and Oswald did not answer back but just +kept smiling pleasantly,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span> and carelessly throwing up the ball and +catching it again with an air of studied indifference.</p> + +<p>It was Martha's fault that what happened happened. She is the bull-dog, +and very stout and heavy. She had just been let loose and she came +bounding along in her clumsy way, and jumped up on Oswald, who is +beloved by all dumb animals. (You know how sagacious they are.) Well, +Martha knocked the ball out of Oswald's hands, and it fell on the grass, +and Noël pounced on it like a hooded falcon on its prey. Oswald would +scorn to deny that he was not going to stand this, and the next moment +the two were rolling over on the grass, and very soon Noël was made to +bite the dust. And serve him right. He is old enough to know his own +mind.</p> + +<p>Then Oswald walked slowly away with the ball, and the others picked Noël +up, and consoled the beaten, but Dicky would not take either side.</p> + +<p>And Oswald went up into his own room and lay on his bed, and reflected +gloomy reflections about unfairness.</p> + +<p>Presently he thought he would like to see what the others were doing +without their knowing he cared. So he went into the linen-room and +looked out of its window, and he saw they were playing Kings and +Queens—and Noël had the biggest paper crown and the longest stick +sceptre.</p> + +<p>Oswald turned away without a word, for it really was sickening.</p> + +<p>Then suddenly his weary eyes fell upon something<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span> they had not before +beheld. It was a square trap-door in the ceiling of the linen-room.</p> + +<p>Oswald never hesitated. He crammed the cricket-ball into his pocket and +climbed up the shelves and unbolted the trap-door, and shoved it up, and +pulled himself up through it. Though above all was dark and smelled of +spiders, Oswald fearlessly shut the trap-door down again before he +struck a match. He always carries matches. He is a boy fertile in every +subtle expedient. Then he saw he was in the wonderful, mysterious place +between the ceiling and the roof of the house. The roof is beams and +tiles. Slits of light show through the tiles here and there. The +ceiling, on its other and top side, is made of rough plaster and beams. +If you walk on the beams it is all right—if you walk on the plaster you +go through with your feet. Oswald found this out later, but some fine +instinct now taught the young explorer where he ought to tread and where +not. It was splendid. He was still very angry with the others, and he +was glad he had found out a secret they jolly well didn't know.</p> + +<p>He walked along a dark, narrow passage. Every now and then cross-beams +barred his way, and he had to creep under them. At last a small door +loomed before him with cracks of light under and over. He drew back the +rusty bolts and opened it. It opened straight on to the leads, a flat +place between two steep red roofs, with a parapet two feet high back and +front, so that no one could see you. It was a place no one could have +invented<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span> better than, if they had tried, for hiding in.</p> + +<p>Oswald spent the whole afternoon there. He happened to have a volume of +<i>Percy's Anecdotes</i> in his pocket, the one about lawyers, as well as a +few apples. While he read he fingered the cricket-ball, and presently it +rolled away, and he thought he would get it by-and-by.</p> + +<p>When the tea-bell rang he forgot the ball and went hurriedly down, for +apples do not keep the inside from the pangs of hunger.</p> + +<p>Noël met him on the landing, got red in the face, and said:</p> + +<p>"It wasn't <i>quite</i> fair about the ball, because H. O. and I had eaten +the cocoanut. <i>You</i> can have it."</p> + +<p>"I don't want your beastly ball," Oswald said, "only I hate unfairness. +However, I don't know where it is just now. When I find it you shall +have it to bowl with as often as you want."</p> + +<p>"Then you're not waxy?"</p> + +<p>And Oswald said "No," and they went in to tea together. So that was all +right. There were raisin cakes for tea.</p> + +<p>Next day we happened to want to go down to the river quite early. I +don't know why; this is called Fate, or Destiny. We dropped in at the +"Rose and Crown" for some ginger-beer on our way. The landlady is a +friend of ours and lets us drink it in her back parlor, instead of in +the bar, which would be improper for girls.</p> + +<p>We found her awfully busy, making pies and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span> jellies, and her two sisters +were hurrying about with great hams and pairs of chickens and rounds of +cold beef and lettuces and pickled salmon and trays of crockery and +glasses.</p> + +<p>"It's for the angling competition," she said.</p> + +<p>We said, "What's that?"</p> + +<p>"Why," she said, slicing cucumber like beautiful machinery while she +said it, "a lot of anglers come down some particular day and fish one +particular bit of the river. And the one that catches most fish gets the +prize. They're fishing the pen above Stoneham Lock. And they all come +here to dinner. So I've got my hands full and a trifle over."</p> + +<p>We said, "Couldn't we help?"</p> + +<p>But she said, "Oh no, thank you. Indeed not, please. I really am so I +don't know which way to turn. Do run along, like dears."</p> + +<p>So we ran along like these timid but graceful animals.</p> + +<p>Need I tell the intellectual reader that we went straight off to the pen +above Stoneham Lock to see the anglers competing? Angling is the same +thing as fishing.</p> + +<p>I am not going to try and explain locks to you. If you've never seen a +lock you could never understand even if I wrote it in words of one +syllable and pages and pages long. And if you have, you'll understand +without my telling you. It is harder than Euclid if you don't know +beforehand. But you might get a grown-up person to explain it to you +with books or wooden bricks.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span></p> + +<p>I will tell you what a pen is because that is easy. It is the bit of +river between one lock and the next. In some rivers "pens" are called +"reaches," but pen is the proper word.</p> + +<p>We went along the towing-path; it is shady with willows, aspens, alders, +elders, oaks and other trees. On the banks are flowers—yarrow, +meadow-sweet, willow herb, loose-strife, and lady's bed-straw. Oswald +learned the names of all these trees and plants on the day of the +picnic. The others didn't remember them, but Oswald did. He is a boy of +what they call relenting memory.</p> + +<p>The anglers were sitting here and there on the shady bank among the +grass and the different flowers I have named. Some had dogs with them, +and some umbrellas, and some had only their wives and families.</p> + +<p>We should have liked to talk to them and ask how they liked their lot, +and what kinds of fish there were, and whether they were nice to eat, +but we did not like to.</p> + +<p>Denny had seen anglers before and he knew they liked to be talked to, +but though he spoke to them quite like to equals he did not ask the +things we wanted to know. He just asked whether they'd had any luck, and +what bait they used.</p> + +<p>And they answered him back politely. I am glad I am not an angler. It is +an immovable amusement, and, as often as not, no fish to speak of after +all.</p> + +<p>Daisy and Dora had stayed at home: Dora's<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span> foot was nearly well, but +they seem really to like sitting still. I think Dora likes to have a +little girl to order about. Alice never would stand it. When we got to +Stoneham Lock, Denny said he should go home and fetch his fishing-rod. +H. O. went with him. This left four of us—Oswald, Alice, Dicky, and +Noël. We went on down the towing-path.</p> + +<p>The lock shuts up (that sounds as if it was like the lock on a door, but +it is very otherwise) between one pen of the river and the next; the pen +where the anglers were was full right up over the roots of the grass and +flowers.</p> + +<p>But the pen below was nearly empty.</p> + +<p>"You can see the poor river's bones," Noël said.</p> + +<p>And so you could.</p> + +<p>Stones and mud and dried branches, and here and there an old kettle or a +tin pail with no bottom to it, that some bargee had chucked in.</p> + +<p>From walking so much along the river we knew many of the bargees. +Bargees are the captains and crews of the big barges that are pulled up +and down the river by slow horses. The horses do not swim. They walk on +the towing-path, with a rope tied to them, and the other end to the +barge. So it gets pulled along. The bargees we knew were a good friendly +sort, and used to let us go all over the barges when they were in a good +temper. They were not at all the sort of bullying, cowardly fiends in +human form that the young hero at Oxford fights a crowd of, +single-handed, in books.</p> + +<p>The river does not smell nice when its bones<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span> are showing. But we went +along down, because Oswald wanted to get some cobbler's wax in Falding +village for a bird-net he was making.</p> + +<p>But just above Falding Lock, where the river is narrow and straight, we +saw a sad and gloomy sight—a big barge sitting flat on the mud because +there was not water enough to float her.</p> + +<p>There was no one on board, but we knew by a red flannel waistcoat that +was spread out to dry on top that the barge belonged to friends of ours.</p> + +<p>Then Alice said, "They have gone to find the man who turns on the water +to fill the pen. I dare say they won't find him. He's gone to his +dinner, I shouldn't wonder. What a lovely surprise it would be if they +came back to find their barge floating high and dry on a lot of water! +<i>Do</i> let's do it. It's a long time since any of us did a kind action +deserving of being put in the Book of Golden Deeds."</p> + +<p>We had given that name to the minute-book of that beastly "Society of +the Wouldbegoods." Then you could think of the book if you wanted to +without remembering the Society. I always tried to forget both of them.</p> + +<p>Oswald said, "But how? <i>You</i> don't know how. And if you did we haven't +got a crow-bar."</p> + +<p>I cannot help telling you that locks are opened with crow-bars. You push +and push till a thing goes up and the water runs through. It is rather +like the little sliding-door in the big door of a hen-house.</p> + +<p>"I know where the crow-bar is," Alice said.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span> "Dicky and I were down here +yesterday when you were su—" She was going to say sulking, I know, but +she remembered manners ere too late, so Oswald bears her no malice. She +went on: "Yesterday, when you were up-stairs. And we saw the +water-tender open the lock and the weir sluices. It's quite easy, isn't +it, Dicky?"</p> + +<p>"As easy as kiss your hand," said Dicky; "and what's more, I know where +he keeps the other thing he opens the sluices with. I votes we do."</p> + +<p>"Do let's, if we can," Noël said, "and the bargees will bless the names +of their unknown benefactors. They might make a song about us, and sing +it on winter nights as they pass round the wassail bowl in front of the +cabin fire."</p> + +<p>Noël wanted to very much; but I don't think it was altogether for +generousness, but because he wanted to see how the sluices opened. Yet +perhaps I do but wrong the boy.</p> + +<p>We sat and looked at the barge a bit longer, and then Oswald said, well, +he didn't mind going back to the lock and having a look at the +crow-bars. You see Oswald did not propose this; he did not even care +very much about it when Alice suggested it.</p> + +<p>But when we got to Stoneham Lock, and Dicky dragged the two heavy +crow-bars from among the elder bushes behind a fallen tree, and began to +pound away at the sluice of the lock, Oswald felt it would not be manly +to stand idly apart. So he took his turn.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 470px;"> +<img src="images/gs05.jpg" width="470" height="650" alt=""DICKY DRAGGED THE TWO HEAVY BARS"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"DICKY DRAGGED THE TWO HEAVY BARS"</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span></p> + +<p>It was very hard work, but we opened the lock sluices, and we did not +drop the crow-bar into the lock either, as I have heard of being done by +older and sillier people.</p> + +<p>The water poured through the sluices all green and solid, as if it had +been cut with a knife, and where it fell on the water underneath the +white foam spread like a moving counterpane. When we had finished the +lock we did the weir—which is wheels and chains—and the water pours +through over the stones in a magnificent water-fall and sweeps out all +round the weir-pool.</p> + +<p>The sight of the foaming water-falls was quite enough reward for our +heavy labors, even without the thought of the unspeakable gratitude that +the bargees would feel to us when they got back to their barge and found +her no longer a stick-in-the-mud, but bounding on the free bosom of the +river.</p> + +<p>When we had opened all the sluices we gazed awhile on the beauties of +nature, and then went home, because we thought it would be more truly +noble and good not to wait to be thanked for our kind and devoted +action—and besides, it was nearly dinner-time, and Oswald thought it +was going to rain.</p> + +<p>On the way home we agreed not to tell the others, because it would be +like boasting of our good acts.</p> + +<p>"They will know all about it," Noël said, "when they hear us being +blessed by the grateful bargees, and the tale of the Unknown Helpers is +being told by every village fireside. And then they can write it in the +Golden Deed book."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span></p> + +<p>So we went home. Denny and H. O. had thought better of it, and they were +fishing in the moat. They did not catch anything.</p> + +<p>Oswald is very weather-wise—at least, so I have heard it said, and he +had thought there would be rain. There was. It came on while we were at +dinner—a great, strong, thundering rain, coming down in sheets—the +first rain we had had since we came to the Moat House.</p> + +<p>We went to bed as usual. No presentiment of the coming awfulness clouded +our young mirth. I remember Dicky and Oswald had a wrestling match, and +Oswald won.</p> + +<p>In the middle of the night Oswald was awakened by a hand on his face. It +was a wet hand and very cold. Oswald hit out, of course, but a voice +said, in a hoarse, hollow whisper:</p> + +<p>"Don't be a young ass! Have you got any matches? My bed's full of water; +it's pouring down from the ceiling."</p> + +<p>Oswald's first thought was that perhaps by opening those sluices we had +flooded some secret passage which communicated with the top of Moat +House, but when he was properly awake he saw that this could not be, on +account of the river being so low.</p> + +<p>He had matches. He is, as I said before, a boy full of resources. He +struck one and lit a candle, and Dicky, for it was indeed he, gazed with +Oswald at the amazing spectacle.</p> + +<p>Our bedroom floor was all wet in patches. Dicky's bed stood in a pond, +and from the ceiling<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span> water was dripping in rich profusion at a dozen +different places. There was a great wet patch in the ceiling, and that +was blue, instead of white like the dry part, and the water dripped from +different parts of it.</p> + +<p>In a moment Oswald was quite unmanned.</p> + +<p>"Krikey!" he said, in a heart-broken tone, and remained an instant +plunged in thought.</p> + +<p>"What on earth are we to do?" Dicky said.</p> + +<p>And really for a short time even Oswald did not know. It was a +blood-curdling event, a regular facer. Albert's uncle had gone to London +that day to stay till the next. Yet something must be done.</p> + +<p>The first thing was to rouse the unconscious others from their deep +sleep, because the water was beginning to drip on to their beds, and +though as yet they knew it not, there was quite a pool on Noël's bed, +just in the hollow behind where his knees were doubled up, and one of H. +O.'s boots was full of water, that surged wildly out when Oswald +happened to kick it over.</p> + +<p>We woke them—a difficult task, but we did not shrink from it.</p> + +<p>Then we said, "Get up, there is a flood! Wake up, or you will be drowned +in your beds! And it's half-past two by Oswald's watch."</p> + +<p>They awoke slowly and very stupidly. H. O. was the slowest and +stupidest.</p> + +<p>The water poured faster and faster from the ceiling.</p> + +<p>We looked at each other and turned pale, and Noël said:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Hadn't we better call Mrs. Pettigrew?"</p> + +<p>But Oswald simply couldn't consent to this. He could not get rid of the +feeling that this was our fault somehow for meddling with the river, +though of course the clear star of reason told him it could not possibly +be the case.</p> + +<p>We all devoted ourselves, heart and soul, to the work before us. We put +the bath under the worst and wettest place, and the jugs and basins +under lesser streams, and we moved the beds away to the dry end of the +room. Ours is a long attic that runs right across the house.</p> + +<p>But the water kept coming in worse and worse. Our night-shirts were wet +through, so we got into our other shirts and knickerbockers, but +preserved bareness in our feet. And the floor kept on being half an inch +deep in water, however much we mopped it up.</p> + +<p>We emptied the basins out of the window as fast as they filled, and we +baled the bath with a jug without pausing to complain how hard the work +was. All the same, it was more exciting than you can think. But in +Oswald's dauntless breast he began to see that they would <i>have</i> to call +Mrs. Pettigrew.</p> + +<p>A new water-fall broke out between the fire-grate and the mantel-piece, +and spread in devastating floods. Oswald is full of ingenious devices. I +think I have said this before, but it is quite true; and perhaps even +truer this time than it was last time I said it.</p> + +<p>He got a board out of the box-room next door,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span> and rested one end in the +chink between the fire-place and the mantel-piece, and laid the other +end on the back of a chair, then we stuffed the rest of the chink with +our nightgowns, and laid a towel along the plank, and behold, a noble +stream poured over the end of the board right into the bath we put there +ready. It was like Niagara, only not so round in shape. The first lot of +water that came down the chimney was very dirty. The wind whistled +outside. Noël said, "If it's pipes burst, and not the rain, it will be +nice for the water-rates." Perhaps it was only natural after this for +Denny to begin with his everlasting poetry. He stopped mopping up the +water to say:</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"By this the storm grew loud apace,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">The water-rates were shrieking,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And in the howl of Heaven each face<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Grew black as they were speaking."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>Our faces were black, and our hands too, but we did not take any notice; +we only told him not to gas but to go on mopping. And he did. And we all +did.</p> + +<p>But more and more water came pouring down. You would not believe so much +could come off one roof.</p> + +<p>When at last it was agreed that Mrs. Pettigrew must be awakened at all +hazards, we went and woke Alice to do the fatal errand.</p> + +<p>When she came back, with Mrs. Pettigrew in a night-cap and a red flannel +petticoat, we held our breath.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span></p> + +<p>But Mrs. Pettigrew did not even say, "What on earth have you children +been up to <i>now</i>?" as Oswald had feared.</p> + +<p>She simply sat down on my bed and said:</p> + +<p>"Oh, dear! oh, dear! oh, dear!" ever so many times.</p> + +<p>Then Denny said, "I once saw holes in a cottage roof. The man told me it +was done when the water came through the thatch. He said if the water +lies all about on the top of the ceiling it breaks it down, but if you +make holes the water will only come through the holes and you can put +pails under the holes to catch it."</p> + +<p>So we made nine holes in the ceiling with the poker, and put pails, +baths, and tubs under, and now there was not so much water on the floor. +But we had to keep on working like niggers, and Mrs. Pettigrew and Alice +worked the same.</p> + +<p>About five in the morning the rain stopped; about seven the water did +not come in so fast, and presently it only dripped slowly. Our task was +done.</p> + +<p>This is the only time I was ever up all night. I wish it happened +oftener. We did not go back to bed then, but dressed and went down. We +all went to sleep in the afternoon, though. Quite without meaning to.</p> + +<p>Oswald went up on the roof, before breakfast, to see if he could find +the hole where the rain had come in. He did not find any hole, but he +found the cricket-ball jammed in the top of a gutter-pipe, which he +afterwards knew ran down inside the wall of the house and ran into the +moat below. It seems a silly dodge, but so it was.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 497px;"> +<img src="images/gs06.jpg" width="497" height="650" alt=""'OH, DEAR! OH, DEAR!'"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"'OH, DEAR! OH, DEAR!'"</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span></p> + +<p>When the men went up after breakfast to see what had caused the flood +they said there must have been a good half-foot of water on the leads +the night before for it to have risen high enough to go above the edge +of the lead, and of course when it got above the lead there was nothing +to stop it running down under it, and soaking through the ceiling. The +parapet and the roofs kept it from tumbling off down the sides of the +house in the natural way. They said there must have been some +obstruction in the pipe which ran down into the house, but whatever it +was the water had washed it away, for they put wires down, and the pipe +was quite clear.</p> + +<p>While we were being told this Oswald's trembling fingers felt at the wet +cricket-ball in his pocket. And he <i>knew</i>, but he <i>could</i> not tell. He +heard them wondering what the obstruction could have been, and all the +time he had the obstruction in his pocket, and never said a single word.</p> + +<p>I do not seek to defend him. But it really was an awful thing to have +been the cause of; and Mrs. Pettigrew is but harsh and hasty. But this, +as Oswald knows too well, is no excuse for his silent conduct.</p> + +<p>That night at tea Albert's uncle was rather silent too. At last he +looked upon us with a glance full of intelligence, and said:</p> + +<p>"There was a queer thing happened yesterday. You know there was an +angling competition.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span> The pen was kept full on purpose. Some mischievous +busybody went and opened the sluices and let all the water out. The +anglers' holiday was spoiled. No, the rain wouldn't have spoiled it +anyhow, Alice; anglers <i>like</i> rain. The 'Rose and Crown' dinner was half +of it wasted because the anglers were so furious that a lot of them took +the next train to town. And this is the worst of all—a barge, that was +on the mud in the pen below, was lifted and jammed across the river, and +then the water tilted her over, and her cargo is on the river bottom. It +was coals."</p> + +<p>During this speech there were four of us who knew not where to turn our +agitated glances. Some of us tried bread and butter, but it seemed dry +and difficult, and those who tried tea choked and spluttered and were +sorry they had not let it alone.</p> + +<p>When the speech stopped Alice said, "It was us."</p> + +<p>And with deepest feelings she and the rest of us told all about it. +Oswald did not say much. He was turning the obstruction round and round +in his pocket, and wishing with all his sentiments that he had owned up +like a man when Albert's uncle asked him before tea to tell him all +about what had happened during the night.</p> + +<p>When they had told all, Albert's uncle told us four still more plainly, +and exactly, what we had done, and how much pleasure we had spoiled, and +how much of my father's money we had wasted—because he would have to +pay for the coals being got up from the bottom of the river, if they +could<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span> be, and if not, for the price of the coals. And we saw it <i>all</i>.</p> + +<p>And when he had done Alice burst out crying over her plate and said:</p> + +<p>"It's no use! We <i>have</i> tried to be good since we've been down here. You +don't know how we've tried! And it's all no use. I believe we are the +wickedest children in the whole world, and I wish we were all dead!"</p> + +<p>This was a dreadful thing to say, and of course the rest of us were all +very shocked. But Oswald could not help looking at Albert's uncle to see +how he would take it.</p> + +<p>He said, very gravely, "My dear kiddie, you ought to be sorry, and I +wish you to be sorry for what you've done. And you will be punished for +it." (We were; our pocket-money was stopped and we were forbidden to go +near the river, besides impositions miles long.) "But," he went on, "you +mustn't give up trying to be good. You are extremely naughty and +tiresome, as you know very well."</p> + +<p>Alice, Dicky, and Noël began to cry at about this time.</p> + +<p>"But you are not the wickedest children in the world by any means."</p> + +<p>Then he stood up and straightened his collar, and put his hands in his +pockets.</p> + +<p>"You're very unhappy now," he said, "and you deserve to be. But I will +say one thing to you."</p> + +<p>Then he said a thing which Oswald at least will never forget (though but +little he deserved it,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span> with the obstruction in his pocket, unowned up +to all the time).</p> + +<p>He said, "I have known you all for four years—and you know as well as I +do how many scrapes I've seen you in and out of—but I've never known +one of you tell a lie, and I've never known one of you do a mean or +dishonorable action. And when you have done wrong you are always sorry. +Now this is something to stand firm on. You'll learn to be good in the +other ways some day."</p> + +<p>He took his hands out of his pockets, and his face looked different, so +that three of the four guilty creatures knew he was no longer adamant, +and they threw themselves into his arms. Dora, Denny, Daisy, and H. O., +of course, were not in it, and I think they thanked their stars.</p> + +<p>Oswald did not embrace Albert's uncle. He stood there and made up his +mind he would go for a soldier. He gave the wet ball one last squeeze, +and took his hand out of his pocket, and said a few words before going +to enlist. He said:</p> + +<p>"The others may deserve what you say. I hope they do, I'm sure. But <i>I</i> +don't, because it was my rotten cricket-ball that stopped up the pipe +and caused the midnight flood in our bedroom. And I knew it quite early +this morning. And I didn't own up."</p> + +<p>Oswald stood there covered with shame, and he could feel the hateful +cricket-ball heavy and cold against the top of his leg, through the +pocket.</p> + +<p>Albert's uncle said—and his voice made Oswald hot all over, but not +with shame—he said<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span>—</p> + +<p>I shall not tell you what he said. It is no one's business but Oswald's; +only I will own it made Oswald not quite so anxious to run away for a +soldier as he had been before.</p> + +<p>That owning up was the hardest thing I ever did. They did put that in +the Book of Golden Deeds, though it was not a kind or generous act, and +did no good to any one or anything except Oswald's own inside feelings. +I must say I think they might have let it alone. Oswald would rather +forget it. Especially as Dicky wrote it in and put this:</p> + +<p>"Oswald acted a lie, which, he knows, is as bad as telling one. But he +owned up when he needn't have, and this condones his sin. We think he +was a thorough brick to do it."</p> + +<p>Alice scratched this out afterwards and wrote the record of the incident +in more flattering terms. But Dicky had used father's ink, and she used +Mrs. Pettigrew's, so any one can read <i>his</i> underneath the scratching +outs.</p> + +<p>The others were awfully friendly to Oswald, to show they agreed with +Albert's uncle in thinking I deserved as much share as any one in any +praise there might be going.</p> + +<p>It was Dora who said it all came from my quarrelling with Noël about +that rotten cricket-ball; but Alice, gently yet firmly, made her shut +up.</p> + +<p>I let Noël have the ball. It had been thoroughly soaked, but it dried +all right. But it could never be the same to me after what <i>it</i> had done +and what <i>I</i> had done.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span></p> + +<p>I hope you will try to agree with Albert's uncle and not think foul +scorn of Oswald because of this story. Perhaps you have done things +nearly as bad yourself sometimes. If you have, you will know how "owning +up" soothes the savage breast and alleviates the gnawings of remorse.</p> + +<p>If you have never done naughty acts, I expect it is only because you +never had the sense to think of anything.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span></p> +<h2>THE CIRCUS</h2> + +<div class="drop"> +<img src="images/drop_t3.jpg" width="129" height="125" alt="T" class="cap" /> + +<p class="cap_3">The ones of us who had started the Society of the Wouldbegoods began, at +about this time, to bother.</p></div> + +<p>They said we had not done anything really noble—not worth speaking of, +that is—for over a week, and that it was high time to begin +again—"with earnest endeavor," Daisy said. So then Oswald said:</p> + +<p>"All right; but there ought to be an end to everything. Let's each of us +think of one really noble and unselfish act, and the others shall help +to work it out, like we did when we were Treasure Seekers. Then when +everybody's had their go-in we'll write every single thing down in the +Golden Deed book, and we'll draw two lines in red ink at the bottom, +like father does at the end of an account. And after that, if any one +wants to be good they can jolly well be good on our own, if at all."</p> + +<p>The ones who had made the Society did not welcome this wise idea, but +Dicky and Oswald were firm.</p> + +<p>So they had to agree. When Oswald is really firm, opposingness and +obstinacy have to give way.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span></p> + +<p>Dora said, "It would be a noble action to have all the school-children +from the village and give them tea and games in the paddock. They would +think it so nice and good of us."</p> + +<p>But Dicky showed her that this would not be <i>our</i> good act, but +father's, because he would have to pay for the tea, and he had already +stood us the keepsakes for the soldiers, as well as having to stump up +heavily over the coal barge. And it is in vain being noble and generous +when some one else is paying for it all the time, even if it happens to +be your father. Then three others had ideas at the same time and began +to explain what they were.</p> + +<p>We were all in the dining-room, and perhaps we were making a bit of a +row. Anyhow, Oswald, for one, does not blame Albert's uncle for opening +his door and saying:</p> + +<p>"I suppose I must not ask for complete silence. That were too much. But +if you could whistle, or stamp with your feet, or shriek or +howl—anything to vary the monotony of your well-sustained +conversation."</p> + +<p>Oswald said, kindly, "We're awfully sorry. Are you busy?"</p> + +<p>"Busy?" said Albert's uncle. "My heroine is now hesitating on the verge +of an act which, for good or ill, must influence her whole subsequent +career. You wouldn't like her to decide in the middle of such a row that +she can't hear herself think?"</p> + +<p>We said, "No, we wouldn't."</p> + +<p>Then he said, "If any outdoor amusement<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span> should commend itself to you +this bright midsummer day—"</p> + +<p>So we all went out.</p> + +<p>Then Daisy whispered to Dora—they always hang together. Daisy is not +nearly so white-micey as she was at first, but she still seems to fear +the deadly ordeal of public speaking. Dora said:</p> + +<p>"Daisy's idea is a game that'll take us all day. She thinks keeping out +of the way when he's making his heroine decide right would be a noble +act, and fit to write in the Golden Book; and we might as well be +playing something at the same time."</p> + +<p>We all said "Yes, but what?"</p> + +<p>There was a silent interval.</p> + +<p>"Speak up, Daisy, my child," Oswald said; "fear not to lay bare the +utmost thoughts of that faithful heart."</p> + +<p>Daisy giggled. Our own girls never giggle; they laugh right out or hold +their tongues. Their kind brothers have taught them this. Then Daisy +said:</p> + +<p>"If we could have a sort of play to keep us out of the way. I once read +a story about an animal race. Everybody had an animal, and they had to +go how they liked, and the one that got in first got the prize. There +was a tortoise in it, and a rabbit, and a peacock, and sheep, and dogs, +and a kitten."</p> + +<p>This proposal left us cold, as Albert's uncle says, because we knew +there could not be any prize worth bothering about. And though you may +be ever ready and willing to do anything for nothing,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span> yet if there's +going to be a prize there must <i>be</i> a prize and there's an end of it.</p> + +<p>Thus the idea was not followed up. Dicky yawned and said, "Let's go into +the barn and make a fort."</p> + +<p>So we did, with straw. It does not hurt straw to be messed about with +like it does hay.</p> + +<p>The down-stairs—I mean down-ladder—part of the barn was fun too, +especially for Pincher. There was as good ratting there as you could +wish to see. Martha tried it, but she could not help running kindly +beside the rat, as if she was in double harness with it. This is the +noble bull-dog's gentle and affectionate nature coming out. We all +enjoyed the ratting that day, but it ended, as usual, in the girls +crying because of the poor rats. Girls cannot help this; we must not be +waxy with them on account of it, they have their nature, same as +bull-dogs have, and it is this that makes them so useful in smoothing +the pillows of the sick-bed and tending wounded heroes.</p> + +<p>However, the forts, and Pincher, and the girls crying, and having to be +thumped on the back, passed the time very agreeably till dinner. There +was roast mutton with onion sauce, and a roly-poly pudding.</p> + +<p>Albert's uncle said we had certainly effaced ourselves effectually, +which means we hadn't bothered.</p> + +<p>So we determined to do the same during the afternoon, for he told us his +heroine was by no means out of the wood yet.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span></p> + +<p>And at first it was easy. Jam roly gives you a peaceful feeling and you +do not at first care if you never play any runabout game ever any more. +But after a while the torpor begins to pass away. Oswald was the first +to recover from his.</p> + +<p>He had been lying on his front part in the orchard, but now he turned +over on his back and kicked his legs up, and said:</p> + +<p>"I say, look here; let's do something."<a name="FNanchor_A_1" id="FNanchor_A_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_A_1" class="fnanchor">[A]</a></p> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_A_1" id="Footnote_A_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_A_1"><span class="label">[A]</span></a> See page <a href="#Page_137">137</a> for short story.</p></div> + +<p>Daisy looked thoughtful. She was chewing the soft yellow parts of grass, +but I could see she was still thinking about that animal race. So I +explained to her that it would be very poor fun without a tortoise and a +peacock, and she saw this, though not willingly.</p> + +<p>It was H. O. who said:</p> + +<p>"Doing anything with animals is prime! if they only will. Let's have a +circus!"</p> + +<p>At the word the last thought of the pudding faded from Oswald's memory +and he stretched himself, sat up, and said:</p> + +<p>"Bully for H. O. Let's!"</p> + +<p>The others also threw off the heavy weight of memory, and sat up and +said "Let's!" too.</p> + +<p>Never, never in all our lives had we had such a gay galaxy of animals at +our command. The rabbits and the guinea-pigs, and even all the bright, +glass-eyed, stuffed denizens of our late-lamented Jungle, paled into +insignificance before the number of live things on the farm.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span></p> + +<p>(I hope you do not think that the words I use are getting too long. I +know they are the right words. And Albert's uncle says your style is +always altered a bit by what you read. And I have been reading the +Vicomte de Bragelonne. Nearly all my new words come out of those.)</p> + +<p>"The worst of a circus is" Dora said, "that you've got to teach the +animals things. A circus where the performing creatures hadn't learned +performing would be a bit silly. Let's give up a week to teaching them +and then have the circus."</p> + +<p>Some people have no idea of the value of time. And Dora is one of those +who do not understand that when you want to do a thing you <i>do</i> want to, +and not to do something else, and perhaps your own thing, a week later.</p> + +<p>Oswald said the first thing was to collect the performing animals.</p> + +<p>"Then perhaps," he said, "we may find that they have hidden talents +hitherto unsuspected by their harsh masters."</p> + +<p>So Denny took a pencil and wrote a list of the animals required.</p> + +<p>This is it:</p> + + +<h4>LIST OF ANIMALS REQUISITE FOR THE CIRCUS WE ARE GOING TO HAVE</h4> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>1 Bull for bull-fight.</p> + +<p>1 Horse for ditto (if possible).</p> + +<p>1 Goat to do Alpine feats of daring.</p> + +<p>1 Donkey to play see-saw.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span></p> + +<p>2 White pigs—one to be Learned, and the other to play with +the clown.</p> + +<p>Turkeys—as many as possible, because they can make a noise +that sounds like an audience applauding.</p> + +<p>The dogs—for any odd parts.</p> + +<p>1 large black pig—to be the Elephant in the procession.</p> + +<p>Calves (several) to be camels, and to stand on tubs.</p></div> + +<p>Daisy ought to have been captain because it was partly her idea, but she +let Oswald be, because she is of a retiring character. Oswald said:</p> + +<p>"The first thing is to get all the creatures together; the paddock at +the side of the orchard is the very place, because the hedge is good all +round. When we've got the performers all there we'll make a programme, +and then dress for our parts. It's a pity there won't be any audience +but the turkeys."</p> + +<p>We took the animals in their right order, according to Denny's list. The +bull was the first. He is black. He does not live in the cow-house with +the other horned people; he has a house all to himself two fields away. +Oswald and Alice went to fetch him. They took a halter to lead the bull +by, and a whip, not to hurt the bull with, but just to make him mind.</p> + +<p>The others were to try to get one of the horses while we were gone.</p> + +<p>Oswald, as usual, was full of bright ideas.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I dare say," he said, "the bull will be shy at first, and he'll have to +be goaded into the arena."</p> + +<p>"But goads hurt," Alice said.</p> + +<p>"They don't hurt the bull," Oswald said; "his powerful hide is too +thick."</p> + +<p>"Then why does he attend to it," Alice asked, "if it doesn't hurt?"</p> + +<p>"Properly brought-up bulls attend because they know they ought," Oswald +said. "I think I shall ride the bull," the brave boy went on. "A +bull-fight, where an intrepid rider appears on the bull, sharing its +joys and sorrows. It would be something quite new."</p> + +<p>"You can't ride bulls," Alice said; "at least, not if their backs are +sharp like cows."</p> + +<p>But Oswald thought he could. The bull lives in a house made of wood and +prickly furze-bushes, and he has a yard to his house. You cannot climb +on the roof of his house at all comfortably.</p> + +<p>When we got there he was half in his house and half out in his yard, and +he was swinging his tail because of the flies which bothered. It was a +very hot day.</p> + +<p>"You'll see," Alice said, "he won't want a goad. He'll be so glad to get +out for a walk he'll drop his head in my hand like a tame fawn, and +follow me lovingly all the way."</p> + +<p>Oswald called to him. He said, "Bull! Bull! Bull! Bull!" because we did +not know the animal's real name. The bull took no notice; then Oswald +picked up a stone and threw it at the bull, not angrily, but just to +make it pay attention. But the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span> bull did not pay a farthing's worth of +it. So then Oswald leaned over the iron gate of the bull's yard and just +flicked the bull with the whip lash. And then the bull <i>did</i> pay +attention. He started when the lash struck him, then suddenly he faced +round, uttering a roar like that of the wounded King of Beasts, and +putting his head down close to his feet he ran straight at the iron gate +where we were standing.</p> + +<p>Alice and Oswald mechanically turned away; they did not wish to annoy +the bull any more, and they ran as fast as they could across the field +so as not to keep the others waiting.</p> + +<p>As they ran across the field Oswald had a dream-like fancy that perhaps +the bull had rooted up the gate with one paralyzing blow, and was now +tearing across the field after him and Alice, with the broken gate +balanced on its horns. We climbed the stile quickly and looked back; the +bull was still on the right side of the gate.</p> + +<p>Oswald said, "I think we'll do without the bull. He did not seem to want +to come. We must be kind to dumb animals."</p> + +<p>Alice said, between laughing and crying:</p> + +<p>"Oh, Oswald, how can you!" But we did do without the bull, and we did +not tell the others how we had hurried to get back. We just said, "The +bull didn't seem to care about coming."</p> + +<p>The others had not been idle. They had got old Clover, the cart-horse, +but she would do nothing but graze, so we decided not to use her in the +bull-fight, but to let her be the Elephant. The<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span> Elephant's is a nice, +quiet part, and she was quite big enough for a young one. Then the black +pig could be Learned, and the other two could be something else. They +had also got the goat; he was tethered to a young tree.</p> + +<p>The donkey was there. Denny was leading him in the halter.</p> + +<p>The dogs were there, of course—they always are.</p> + +<p>So now we only had to get the turkeys for the applause, and the calves +and pigs.</p> + +<p>The calves were easy to get, because they were in their own house. There +were five. And the pigs were in their houses too. We got them out after +long and patient toil, and persuaded them that they wanted to go into +the paddock, where the circus was to be. This is done by pretending to +drive them the other way. A pig only knows two ways—the way you want +him to go and the other. But the turkeys knew thousands of different +ways, and tried them all. They made such an awful row we had to drop all +ideas of ever hearing applause from their lips, so we came away and left +them.</p> + +<p>"Never mind," H. O. said, "they'll be sorry enough afterwards, nasty, +unobliging things, because now they won't see the circus. I hope the +other animals will tell them about it."</p> + +<p>While the turkeys were engaged in baffling the rest of us, Dicky had +found three sheep who seemed to wish to join the glad throng, so we let +them.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span></p> + +<p>Then we shut the gate of the paddock, and left the dumb circus +performers to make friends with each other while we dressed.</p> + +<p>Oswald and H. O. were to be clowns. It is quite easy with Albert's +uncle's pyjamas, and flour on your hair and face, and the red they do +the brick-floors with.</p> + +<p>Alice had very short pink and white skirts, and roses in her hair and +round her dress. Her dress was the pink calico and white muslin stuff +off the dressing-table in the girls' room fastened with pins and tied +round the waist with a small bath towel. She was to be the Dauntless +Equestrienne, and to give her enhancing act of bare-backed daring, +riding either a pig or a sheep, whichever we found was freshest and most +skittish. Dora was dressed for the <i>Haute École</i>, which means a +riding-habit and a high hat. She took Dick's topper that he wears with +his Etons, and a skirt of Mrs. Pettigrew's. Daisy dressed the same as +Alice, taking the muslin from Mrs. Pettigrew's dressing-table without +saying anything beforehand. None of us would have advised this, and +indeed we were thinking of trying to put it back, when Denny and Noël, +who were wishing to look like highwaymen, with brown paper top-boots and +slouch hats and Turkish towel cloaks, suddenly stopped dressing and +gazed out of the window.</p> + +<p>"Krikey!" said Dick; "come on, Oswald!" and he bounded like an antelope +from the room.</p> + +<p>Oswald and the rest followed, casting a hasty glance through the window. +Noël had got brown<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span> paper boots too, and a Turkish towel cloak. H. O. +had been waiting for Dora to dress him up for the other clown. He had +only his shirt and knickerbockers and his braces on. He came down as he +was—as indeed we all did. And no wonder, for in the paddock, where the +circus was to be, a blood-thrilling thing had transpired. The dogs were +chasing the sheep. And we had now lived long enough in the country to +know the fell nature of our dogs' improper conduct.</p> + +<p>We all rushed into the paddock, calling to Pincher, and Martha, and +Lady. Pincher came almost at once. He is a well-brought-up dog—Oswald +trained him. Martha did not seem to hear. She is awfully deaf, but she +did not matter so much, because the sheep could walk away from her +easily. She has no pace and no wind. But Lady is a deer-hound. She is +used to pursuing that fleet and antlered pride of the forest—the +stag—and she can go like billyo. She was now far away in a distant +region of the paddock, with a fat sheep just before her in full flight. +I am sure if ever anybody's eyes did start out of their heads with +horror, like in narratives of adventure, ours did then.</p> + +<p>There was a moment's pause of speechless horror. We expected to see Lady +pull down her quarry, and we know what a lot of money a sheep costs, to +say nothing of its own personal feelings.</p> + +<p>Then we started to run for all we were worth. It is hard to run swiftly +as the arrow from the bow when you happen to be wearing pyjamas +belonging<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span> to a grown-up person—as I was—but even so I beat Dicky. He +said afterwards it was because his brown paper boots came undone and +tripped him up. Alice came in third. She held on the dressing-table +muslin and ran jolly well. But ere we reached the fatal spot all was +very nearly up with the sheep. We heard a plop; Lady stopped and looked +round. She must have heard us bellowing to her as we ran. Then she came +towards us, prancing with happiness, but we said, "Down!" and "Bad dog!" +and ran sternly on.</p> + +<p>When we came to the brook which forms the northern boundary of the +paddock we saw the sheep struggling in the water. It is not very deep, +and I believe the sheep could have stood up, and been well in its depth, +if it had liked, but it would not try.</p> + +<p>It was a steepish bank. Alice and I got down and stuck our legs into the +water, and then Dicky came down, and the three of us hauled that sheep +up by its shoulders till it could rest on Alice and me as we sat on the +bank. It kicked all the time we were hauling. It gave one extra kick at +last, that raised it up, and I tell you that sopping wet, heavy, +panting, silly donkey of a sheep sat there on our laps like a pet dog; +and Dicky got his shoulder under it at the back and heaved constantly to +keep it from flumping off into the water again, while the others fetched +the shepherd.</p> + +<p>When the shepherd came he called us every name you can think of, and +then he said:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Good thing master didn't come along. He would ha' called you some tidy +names."</p> + +<p>He got the sheep out, and took it and the others away. And the calves +too. He did not seem to care about the other performing animals.</p> + +<p>Alice, Oswald, and Dick had had almost enough circus for just then, so +we sat in the sun and dried ourselves and wrote the programme of the +circus. This was it:</p> + + +<h4><span class="smcap">Programme</span></h4> + +<p>1. Startling leap from the lofty precipice by the performing sheep. Real +water, and real precipice. The gallant rescue. O., A., and D. Bastable. +(We thought we might as well put that in, though it was over and had +happened accidentally.)</p> + +<p>2. Graceful bare-backed equestrienne act on the trained pig, Eliza. A. +Bastable.</p> + +<p>3. Amusing clown interlude, introducing trained dog, Pincher, and the +other white pig. H. O. and O. Bastable.</p> + +<p>4. The See-saw. Trained donkeys. (H. O. said we had only one donkey, so +Dicky said H. O. could be the other. When peace was restored we went on +to 5.)</p> + +<p>5. Elegant equestrian act by D. Bastable. <i>Haute École</i>, on Clover, the +incomparative trained elephant from the plains of Venezuela.</p> + +<p>6. Alpine feat of daring. The climbing of the Andes, by Billy, the +well-known acrobatic<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span> goat. (We thought we could make the Andes out of +hurdles and things, and so we could have but for what always happens. +(This is the unexpected. (This is a saying father told me—but I see I +am three deep in brackets, so I will close them before I get into any +more.).).).</p> + +<p>7. The Black but Learned Pig. ("I dare say he knows something," Alice +said, "if we can only find out what." We <i>did</i> find out all too soon.)</p> + +<p>We could not think of anything else, and our things were nearly dry—all +except Dick's brown paper top-boots, which were mingled with the +gurgling waters of the brook.</p> + +<p>We went back to the seat of action—which was the iron trough where the +sheep have their salt put—and began to dress up the creatures. We had +just tied the Union Jack we made out of Daisy's flannel petticoat and +cetera, when we gave the soldiers the baccy, round the waist of the +Black and Learned Pig, when we heard screams from the back part of the +house; and suddenly we saw that Billy, the acrobatic goat, had got loose +from the tree we had tied him to. (He had eaten all the parts of its +bark that he could get at, but we did not notice it until next day, when +led to the spot by a grown-up.)</p> + +<p>The gate of the paddock was open. The gate leading to the bridge that +goes over the moat to the back door was open too. We hastily proceeded +in the direction of the screams, and, guided by the sound, threaded our +way into the kitchen. As we went, Noël, ever fertile in melancholy +ideas,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span> said he wondered whether Mrs. Pettigrew was being robbed, or +only murdered.</p> + +<p>In the kitchen we saw that Noël was wrong as usual. It was neither. Mrs. +Pettigrew, screaming like a steam-siren and waving a broom, occupied the +foreground. In the distance the maid was shrieking in a hoarse and +monotonous way, and trying to shut herself up inside a clothes-horse on +which washing was being aired. On the dresser—which he had ascended by +a chair—was Billy, the acrobatic goat, doing his Alpine daring act. He +had found out his Andes for himself, and even as we gazed he turned and +tossed his head in a way that showed us some mysterious purpose was +hidden beneath his calm exterior. The next moment he put his off-horn +neatly behind the end plate of the next to the bottom row, and ran it +along against the wall. The plates fell crashing on to the soup tureen +and vegetable dishes which adorned the lower range of the Andes.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Pettigrew's screams were almost drowned in the discording crash and +crackle of the falling avalanche of crockery.</p> + +<p>Oswald, though stricken with horror and polite regret, preserved the +most dauntless coolness.</p> + +<p>Disregarding the mop which Mrs. Pettigrew kept on poking at the goat in +a timid yet cross way, he sprang forward, crying out to his trusty +followers, "Stand by to catch him!"</p> + +<p>But Dick had thought of the same thing, and ere Oswald could carry out +his long-cherished and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span> general-like design, Dicky had caught the goat's +legs and tripped it up. The goat fell against another row of plates, +righted itself hastily in the gloomy ruins of the soup tureen and the +sauce-boats, and then fell again, this time towards Dicky. The two fell +heavily on the ground together. The trusty followers had been so struck +by the daring of Dicky and his lion-hearted brother that they had not +stood by to catch anything. The goat was not hurt, but Dicky had a +sprained thumb and a lump on his head like a black marble door-knob. He +had to go to bed.</p> + +<p>I will draw a veil and asterisks over what Mrs. Pettigrew said. Also +Albert's uncle, who was brought to the scene of ruin by her screams. Few +words escaped our lips. There are times when it is not wise to argue; +however, little what has occurred is really our fault.</p> + +<p>When they had said what they deemed enough, and we were let go, we all +went out. Then Alice said distractedly, in a voice which she vainly +strove to render firm:</p> + +<p>"Let's give up the circus. Let's put the toys back in the boxes—no, I +don't mean that—the creatures in their places—and drop the whole +thing. I want to go and read to Dicky."</p> + +<p>Oswald has a spirit that no reverses can depreciate. He hates to be +beaten. But he gave in to Alice, as the others said so too, and we went +out to collect the performing troop and sort it out into its proper +places.</p> + +<p>Alas! we came too late. In the interest we had<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span> felt about whether Mrs. +Pettigrew was the abject victim of burglars or not we had left both +gates open again. The old horse—I mean the trained elephant from +Venezuela—was there all right enough. The dogs we had beaten and tied +up after the first act, when the intrepid sheep bounded, as it says in +the programme. The two white pigs were there, but the donkey was gone. +We heard his hoofs down the road, growing fainter and fainter, in the +direction of the "Rose and Crown." And just round the gate-post we saw a +flash of red and white and blue and black that told us, with dumb +signification, that the pig was off in exactly the opposite direction. +Why couldn't they have gone the same way? But no, one was a pig and the +other was a donkey, as Denny said afterwards.</p> + +<p>Daisy and H. O. started after the donkey; the rest of us, with one +accord, pursued the pig—I don't know why. It trotted quietly down the +road; it looked very black against the white road, and the ends on the +top, where the Union Jack was tied, bobbed brightly as it trotted. At +first we thought it would be easy to catch up to it. This was an error.</p> + +<p>When we ran faster it ran faster; when we stopped it stopped and looked +round at us, and nodded. (I dare say you won't swallow this, but you may +safely. It's as true as true, and so's all that about the goat. I give +you my sacred word of honor.) I tell you the pig nodded as much as to +say:</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 495px;"> +<img src="images/gs07.jpg" width="495" height="650" alt=""HE SAT DOWN IN THE HEDGE TO LAUGH PROPERLY"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"HE SAT DOWN IN THE HEDGE TO LAUGH PROPERLY"</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Oh yes. You think you will, but you won't!" and then as soon as we +moved again off it went. That pig led us on and on, o'er miles and miles +of strange country. One thing, it did keep to the roads. When we met +people, which wasn't often, we called out to them to help us, but they +only waved their arms and roared with laughter. One chap on a bicycle +almost tumbled off his machine, and then he got off it and propped it +against a gate and sat down in the hedge to laugh properly. You remember +Alice was still dressed up as the gay equestrienne in the dressing-table +pink and white, with rosy garlands, now very droopy, and she had no +stockings on, only white sand-shoes, because she thought they would be +easier than boots for balancing on the pig in the graceful bare-backed +act.</p> + +<p>Oswald was attired in red paint and flour and pyjamas, for a clown. It +is really <i>impossible</i> to run speedfully in another man's pyjamas, so +Oswald had taken them off, and wore his own brown knickerbockers +belonging to his Norfolks. He had tied the pyjamas round his neck to +carry them easily. He was afraid to leave them in a ditch, as Alice +suggested, because he did not know the roads, and for aught he recked +they might have been infested with footpads. If it had been his own +pyjamas, it would have been different. (I'm going to ask for pyjamas +next winter, they are so useful in many ways.)</p> + +<p>Noël was a highwayman in brown paper gaiters and bath towels and a +cocked hat of newspaper.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span> I don't know how he kept it on. And the pig +was encircled by the dauntless banner of our country. All the same, I +think if I had seen a band of youthful travellers in bitter distress +about a pig I should have tried to lend a helping hand and not sat +roaring in the hedge, no matter how the travellers and the pig might +have been dressed.</p> + +<p>It was hotter than any one would believe who has never had occasion to +hunt the pig when dressed for quite another part. The flour got out of +Oswald's hair into his eyes and his mouth. His brow was wet with what +the village blacksmith's was wet with, and not his fair brow alone. It +ran down his face and washed the red off in streaks, and when he rubbed +his eyes he only made it worse. Alice had to run holding the +equestrienne skirts on with both hands, and I think the brown paper +boots bothered Noël from the first. Dora had her skirt over her arm and +carried the topper in her hand. It was no use to tell ourselves it was a +wild boar hunt—we were long past that.</p> + +<p>At last we met a man who took pity on us. He was a kind-hearted man. I +think, perhaps, he had a pig of his own—or, perhaps, children. Honor to +his name!</p> + +<p>He stood in the middle of the road and waved his arms. The pig +right-wheeled through a gate into a private garden and cantered up the +drive. We followed. What else were we to do I should like to know?</p> + +<p>The Learned Black Pig seemed to know its<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span> way. It turned first to the +right and then to the left, and emerged on a lawn.</p> + +<p>"Now, all together!" cried Oswald, mustering his failing voice to give +the word of command. "Surround him!—cut off his retreat!"</p> + +<p>We almost surrounded him. He edged off towards the house.</p> + +<p>"Now we've got him!" cried the crafty Oswald, as the pig got onto a bed +of yellow pansies close against the red house wall.</p> + +<p>All would even then have been well, but Denny, at the last, shrank from +meeting the pig face to face in a manly way. He let the pig pass him, +and the next moment, with a squeak that said "There now!" as plain as +words, the pig bolted into a French window. The pursuers halted not. +This was no time for trivial ceremony. In another moment the pig was a +captive. Alice and Oswald had their arms round him under the ruins of a +table that had had teacups on it, and around the hunters and their prey +stood the startled members of a parish society for making clothes for +the poor heathen, that that pig had led us into the very midst of. They +were reading a missionary report or something when we ran our quarry to +earth under their table. Even as he crossed the threshold I heard +something about "black brothers being already white to the harvest." All +the ladies had been sewing flannel things for the poor blacks while the +curate read aloud to them. You think they screamed when they saw the Pig +and Us? You are right.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span></p> + +<p>On the whole, I cannot say that the missionary people behaved badly. +Oswald explained that it was entirely the pig's doing, and asked pardon +quite properly for any alarm the ladies had felt; and Alice said how +sorry we were, but really it was <i>not</i> our fault this time. The curate +looked a bit nasty, but the presence of ladies made him keep his hot +blood to himself.</p> + +<p>When we had explained, we said, "Might we go?"</p> + +<p>The curate said, "The sooner the better." But the Lady of the House +asked for our names and addresses, and said she should write to our +father. (She did, and we heard of it too.) They did not do anything to +us, as Oswald at one time believed to be the curate's idea. They let us +go.</p> + +<p>And we went, after we had asked for a piece of rope to lead the pig by.</p> + +<p>"In case it should come back into your nice room," Alice said. "And that +would be such a pity, wouldn't it?"</p> + +<p>A little girl in a starched pinafore was sent for the rope. And as soon +as the pig had agreed to let us tie it round his neck we came away. The +scene in the drawing-room had not been long.</p> + +<p>The pig went slowly,</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Like the meandering brook,"<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>Denny said. Just by the gate the shrubs rustled and opened and the +little girl came out. Her pinafore was full of cake.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Here," she said. "You must be hungry if you've come all that way. I +think they might have given you some tea after all the trouble you've +had."</p> + +<p>We took the cake with correct thanks.</p> + +<p>"I wish <i>I</i> could play at circuses," she said. "Tell me about it."</p> + +<p>We told her while we ate the cake; and when we had done she said perhaps +it was better to hear about than do, especially the goat's part and +Dicky's.</p> + +<p>"But I do wish auntie had given you tea," she said.</p> + +<p>We told her not to be too hard on her aunt, because you have to make +allowances for grown-up people.</p> + +<p>When we parted she said she would never forget us, and Oswald gave her +his pocket button-hook and corkscrew combined for a keepsake.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Dicky's act with the goat (which is true, and no kid) was the only thing +out of that day that was put in the Golden Deed Book, and he put that in +himself while we were hunting the pig.</p> + +<p>Alice and me capturing the pig was never put in. We would scorn to write +our own good actions, but I suppose Dicky was dull with us all away; and +you must pity the dull, and not blame them.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I will not seek to unfold to you how we got the pig home, or how the +donkey was caught (that was poor sport compared to the pig). Nor<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span> will I +tell you a word of all that was said and done to the intrepid hunters of +the Black and Learned. I have told you all the interesting part. Seek +not to know the rest. It is better buried in obliquity.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span></p> +<h2>BEING BEAVERS; OR, THE YOUNG EXPLORERS (ARCTIC OR OTHERWISE)</h2> + +<div class="drop"> +<img src="images/drop_y.jpg" width="124" height="125" alt="Y" class="cap" /> + +<p class="cap_3">You read in books about the pleasures of London, and about how people +who live in the country long for the gay whirl of fashion in town +because the country is so dull. I do not agree with this at all. In +London, or at any rate Lewisham, nothing happens unless you make it +happen; or if it happens it doesn't happen to you, and you don't know +the people it does happen to. But in the country the most interesting +events occur quite freely, and they seem to happen to you as much as to +any one else. Very often quite without your doing anything to help.</p></div> + +<p>The natural and right ways of earning your living in the country are +much jollier than town ones, too; sowing and reaping, and doing things +with animals, are much better sport than fishmongering or bakering or +oil-shopping, and those sort of things, except, of course, a plumber's +and gasfitter's, and he is the same, town or country—most interesting +and like an engineer.</p> + +<p>I remember what a nice man it was that came to cut the gas off once at +our old house in Lewisham, when my father's business was feeling so<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span> +poorly. He was a true gentleman, and gave Oswald and Dicky over two +yards and a quarter of good lead piping, and a brass tap that only +wanted a washer, and a whole handful of screws to do what we liked with. +We screwed the back door up with the screws, I remember, one night when +Eliza was out without leave. There was an awful row. We did not mean to +get her into trouble. We only thought it would be amusing for her to +find the door screwed up when she came down to take in the milk in the +morning. But I must not say any more about the Lewisham house. It is +only the pleasures of memory, and nothing to do with being beavers, or +any sort of exploring.</p> + +<p>I think Dora and Daisy are the kind of girls who will grow up very good, +and perhaps marry missionaries. I am glad Oswald's destiny looks at +present as if it might be different.</p> + +<p>We made two expeditions to discover the source of the Nile (or the north +pole), and owing to their habit of sticking together and doing dull and +praiseable things—like sewing, and helping with the cooking, and taking +invalid delicacies to the poor and indignant—Daisy and Dora were wholly +out of it both times, though Dora's foot was now quite well enough to +have gone to the north pole or the equator either. They said they did +not mind the first time, because they like to keep themselves clean; it +is another of their queer ways. And they said they had had a better time +than us. (It was only a clergyman and his wife who<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span> called, and hot +cakes for tea.) The second time they said they were lucky not to have +been in it. And perhaps they were right. But let me to my narrating. I +hope you will like it. I am going to try to write it a different way, +like the books they give you for a prize at a girls' school—I mean a +"young ladies' school," of course—not a high school. High schools are +not nearly so silly as some other kinds. Here goes:</p> + +<p>"'Ah, me!' sighed a slender maiden of twelve summers, removing her +elegant hat and passing her tapery fingers lightly through her fair +tresses, 'how sad it is—is it not?—to see able-bodied youths and young +ladies wasting the precious summer hours in idleness and luxury.'</p> + +<p>"The maiden frowned reproachingly, but yet with earnest gentleness, at +the group of youths and maidens who sat beneath an umbragipeaous +beech-tree and ate black currants.</p> + +<p>"'Dear brothers and sisters,' the blushing girl went on, 'could we not, +even now, at the eleventh hour, turn to account these wasted lives of +ours, and seek some occupation at once improving and agreeable?'</p> + +<p>"'I do not quite follow your meaning, dear sister,' replied the +cleverest of her brothers, on whose brow—"</p> + +<p>It's no use. I can't write like these books. I wonder how the books' +authors can keep it up.</p> + +<p>What really happened was that we were all eating black currants in the +orchard, out of a cabbage leaf, and Alice said:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I say, look here, let's do something. It's simply silly to waste a day +like this. It's just on eleven. Come on!"</p> + +<p>And Oswald said, "Where to?"</p> + +<p>This was the beginning of it.</p> + +<p>The moat that is all round our house is fed by streams. One of them is a +sort of open overflow pipe from a good-sized stream that flows at the +other side of the orchard.</p> + +<p>It was this stream that Alice meant when she said:</p> + +<p>"Why not go and discover the source of the Nile?"</p> + +<p>Of course Oswald knows quite well that the source of the real live +Egyptian Nile is no longer buried in that mysteriousness where it lurked +undisturbed for such a long time. But he was not going to say so. It is +a great thing to know when not to say things.</p> + +<p>"Why not have it an arctic expedition?" said Dicky; "then we could take +an ice-axe and live on blubber and things. Besides, it sounds cooler."</p> + +<p>"Vote! vote!" cried Oswald. So we did.</p> + +<p>Oswald, Alice, Noël, and Denny voted for the river of the ibis and the +crocodile. Dicky, H. O., and the other girls for the region of perennial +winter and rich blubber.</p> + +<p>So Alice said, "We can decide as we go. Let's start, anyway."</p> + +<p>The question of supplies had now to be gone into. Everybody wanted to +take something different, and nobody thought the other people's<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span> things +would be the slightest use. It is sometimes thus even with grown-up +expeditions. So then Oswald, who is equal to the hardest emergency that +ever emerged yet, said:</p> + +<p>"Let's each get what we like. The secret storehouse can be the shed in +the corner of the stable-yard where we got the door for the raft. Then +the captain can decide who's to take what."</p> + +<p>This was done. You may think it but the work of a moment to fit out an +expedition, but this is not so, especially when you know not whether +your exploring party is speeding to Central Africa or merely to the +world of icebergs and the polar bear.</p> + +<p>Dicky wished to take the wood-axe, the coal hammer, a blanket, and a +mackintosh.</p> + +<p>H. O. brought a large faggot in case we had to light fires, and a pair +of old skates he had happened to notice in the box-room, in case the +expedition turned out icy.</p> + +<p>Noël had nicked a dozen boxes of matches, a spade, and a trowel, and had +also obtained—I know not by what means—a jar of pickled onions.</p> + +<p>Denny had a walking-stick—we can't break him of walking with it—a book +to read in case he got tired of being a discoverer, a butterfly net and +a box with cork in it, a tennis-ball, if we happened to want to play +rounders in the pauses of exploring, two towels and an umbrella in the +event of camping or if the river got big enough to bathe in or to be +fallen into.</p> + +<p>Alice had a comforter for Noël in case we got<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span> late, a pair of scissors +and needle and cotton, two whole candles in case of caves. And she had +thoughtfully brought the table-cloth off the small table in the +dining-room, so that we could make all the things up into one bundle and +take it in turns to carry it.</p> + +<p>Oswald had fastened his master mind entirely on grub. Nor had the others +neglected this.</p> + +<p>All the stores for the expedition were put down on the table-cloth and +the corners tied up. Then it was more than even Oswald's muscley arms +could raise from the ground, so we decided not to take it, but only the +best-selected grub. The rest we hid in the straw loft, for there are +many ups and downs in life, and grub <i>is</i> grub at any time, and so are +stores of all kinds. The pickled onions we had to leave, but not +forever.</p> + +<p>Then Dora and Daisy came along with their arms round each other's necks +as usual, like a picture on a grocer's almanac, and said they weren't +coming.</p> + +<p>It was, as I have said, a blazing hot day, and there were differences of +opinion among the explorers about what eatables we ought to have taken, +and H. O. had lost one of his garters and wouldn't let Alice tie it up +with her handkerchief, which the gentle sister was quite willing to do. +So it was a rather gloomy expedition that set off that bright sunny day +to seek the source of the river where Cleopatra sailed in Shakespeare +(or the frozen plains Mr. Nansen wrote that big book about).<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span></p> + +<p>But the balmy calm of peaceful nature soon made the others less +cross—Oswald had not been cross exactly, but only disinclined to do +anything the others wanted—and by the time we had followed the stream a +little way, and had seen a water-rat and shied a stone or two at him, +harmony was restored. We did not hit the rat.</p> + +<p>You will understand that we were not the sort of people to have lived so +long near a stream without plumbing its depths. Indeed, it was the same +stream the sheep took its daring jump into the day we had the circus. +And of course we had often paddled in it—in the shallower parts. But +now our hearts were set on exploring. At least they ought to have been, +but when we got to the place where the stream goes under a wooden +sheep-bridge, Dicky cried, "A camp! a camp!" and we were all glad to sit +down at once. Not at all like real explorers, who know no rest, day or +night, till they have got there (whether it's the north pole, or the +central point of the part marked "<i>Desert of Sahara</i>" on old-fashioned +maps).</p> + +<p>The food supplies obtained by various members were good, and plenty of +it. Cake, hard eggs, sausage-rolls, currants, lemon cheese-cakes, +raisins, and cold apple dumplings. It was all very decent, but Oswald +could not help feeling that the source of the Nile (or north pole) was a +long way off, and perhaps nothing much when you got there.</p> + +<p>So he was not wholly displeased when Denny said, as he lay kicking into +the bank when the things to eat were all gone:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I believe this is clay: did you ever make huge platters and bowls out +of clay and dry them in the sun? Some people did in a book called <i>Foul +Play</i>, and I believe they baked turtles, or oysters, or something, at +the same time."</p> + +<p>He took up a bit of clay and began to mess it about, like you do putty +when you get hold of a bit. And at once the heavy gloom that had hung +over the explorers became expelled, and we all got under the shadow of +the bridge and messed about with clay.</p> + +<p>"It will be jolly!" Alice said, "and we can give the huge platters to +poor cottagers who are short of the usual sorts of crockery. That would +really be a very golden deed."</p> + +<p>It is harder than you would think when you read about it, to make huge +platters with clay. It flops about as soon as you get it any size, +unless you keep it much too thick, and then when you turn up the edges +they crack. Yet we did not mind the trouble. And we had all got our +shoes and stockings off. It is impossible to go on being cross when your +feet are in cold water; and there is something in the smooth messiness +of clay, and not minding how dirty you get, that would soothe the +savagest breast that ever beat.</p> + +<p>After a bit, though, we gave up the idea of the huge platter and tried +little things. We made some platters—they were like flower-pot saucers; +and Alice made a bowl by doubling up her fists and getting Noël to slab +the clay on outside. Then they smoothed the thing inside and out with<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span> +wet fingers, and it was a bowl—at least they said it was. When we'd +made a lot of things we set them in the sun to dry, and then it seemed a +pity not to do the thing thoroughly. So we made a bonfire, and when it +had burned down we put our pots on the soft, white, hot ashes among the +little red sparks, and kicked the ashes over them and heaped more fuel +over the top. It was a fine fire.</p> + +<p>Then tea-time seemed as if it ought to be near, and we decided to come +back next day and get our pots.</p> + +<p>As we went home across the fields Dicky looked back and said:</p> + +<p>"The bonfire's going pretty strong."</p> + +<p>We looked. It was. Great flames were rising to heaven against the +evening sky. And we had left it a smouldering, flat heap.</p> + +<p>"The clay must have caught alight," H. O. said. "Perhaps it's the kind +that burns. I know I've heard of fire-clay. And there's another sort you +can eat."</p> + +<p>"Oh, shut up!" Dicky said, with anxious scorn.</p> + +<p>With one accord we turned back. We all felt <i>the</i> feeling—the one that +means something fatal being up and it being your fault.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps," Alice said, "a beautiful young lady in a muslin dress was +passing by, and a spark flew on to her, and now she is rolling in agony +enveloped in flames."</p> + +<p>We could not see the fire now, because of the corner of the wood, but we +hoped Alice was mistaken.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span></p> + +<p>But when we got in sight of the scene of our pottering industry we saw +it was as bad nearly as Alice's wild dream. For the wooden fence leading +up to the bridge had caught fire, and it was burning like billyo.</p> + +<p>Oswald started to run; so did the others. As he ran he said to himself, +"This is no time to think about your clothes. Oswald, be bold!"</p> + +<p>And he was.</p> + +<p>Arrived at the site of the conflagration, he saw that caps or straw hats +full of water, however quickly and perseveringly given, would never put +the bridge out, and his eventful past life made him know exactly the +sort of wigging you get for an accident like this.</p> + +<p>So he said, "Dicky, soak your jacket and mine in the stream and chuck +them along. Alice, stand clear, or your silly girl's clothes'll catch as +sure as fate."</p> + +<p>Dicky and Oswald tore off their jackets, so did Denny, but we would not +let him and H. O. wet theirs. Then the brave Oswald advanced warily to +the end of the burning rails and put his wet jacket over the end bit, +like a linseed poultice on the throat of a suffering invalid who has got +bronchitis. The burning wood hissed and smouldered, and Oswald fell +back, almost choked with the smoke. But at once he caught up the other +wet jacket and put it on another place, and of course it did the trick, +as he had known it would do. But it was a long job, and the smoke in his +eyes made the young hero obliged to let Dicky and Denny<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span> take a turn as +they had bothered to do from the first. At last all was safe; the +devouring element was conquered. We covered up the beastly bonfire with +clay to keep it from getting into mischief again, and then Alice said:</p> + +<p>"Now we must go and tell."</p> + +<p>"Of course," Oswald said, shortly. He had meant to tell all the time.</p> + +<p>So we went to the farmer who has the Moat House Farm, and we went at +once, because if you have any news like that to tell it only makes it +worse if you wait about. When we had told him he said:</p> + +<p>"You little——" I shall not say what he said besides that, because I am +sure he must have been sorry for it next Sunday when he went to church, +if not before.</p> + +<p>We did not take any notice of what he said, but just kept on saying how +sorry we were; and he did not take our apology like a man, but only said +he dare said, just like a woman does. Then he went to look at his +bridge, and we went in to our tea. The jackets were never quite the same +again.</p> + +<p>Really great explorers would never be discouraged by the dare saying of +a farmer, still less by his calling them names he ought not to. Albert's +uncle was away, so we got no double slating; and next day we started +again to discover the source of the river of cataracts (or the region of +mountain-like icebergs).</p> + +<p>We set out heavily provisioned with a large<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span> cake Daisy and Dora had +made themselves and six bottles of ginger-beer. I think real explorers +most likely have their ginger-beer in something lighter to carry than +stone bottles. Perhaps they have it by the cask, which would come +cheaper; and you could make the girls carry it on their back, like in +pictures of the daughters of regiments.</p> + +<p>We passed the scene of the devouring conflagration, and the thought of +the fire made us so thirsty we decided to drink the ginger-beer and +leave the bottles in a place of concealment. Then we went on, determined +to reach our destination, tropic or polar, that day.</p> + +<p>Denny and H. O. wanted to stop and try to make a fashionable +watering-place at that part where the stream spreads out like a +small-sized sea, but Noël said, "No." We did not like fashionableness.</p> + +<p>"<i>You</i> ought to, at any rate," Denny said. "A Mr. Collins wrote an 'Ode +to the Fashions,' and he was a great poet."</p> + +<p>"The poet Milton wrote a long book about Satan," Noël said, "but I'm not +bound to like <i>him</i>." I think it was smart of Noël.</p> + +<p>"People aren't obliged to like everything they write about even, let +alone read," Alice said. "Look at 'Ruin seize thee, ruthless king!' and +all the pieces of poetry about war and tyrants and slaughtered +saints—and the one you made yourself about the black beetle, Noël."</p> + +<p>By this time we had got by the pondy place and the danger of delay was +past; but the others<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span> went on talking about poetry for quite a field and +a half, as we walked along by the banks of the stream. The stream was +broad and shallow at this part, and you could see the stones and gravel +at the bottom, and millions of baby fishes, and a sort of +skating-spiders walking about on the top of the water. Denny said the +water must be ice for them to be able to walk on it, and this showed we +were getting near the north pole. But Oswald had seen a kingfisher by +the wood, and he said it was an ibis, so this was even.</p> + +<p>When Oswald had had as much poetry as he could bear, he said, "Let's be +beavers and make a dam."</p> + +<p>And everybody was so hot they agreed joyously, and soon our clothes were +tucked up as far as they could go and our legs looked green through the +water, though they were pink out of it.</p> + +<p>Making a dam is jolly good fun, though laborious, as books about beavers +take care to let you know.</p> + +<p>Dicky said it must be Canada if we were beavers, and so it was on the +way to the polar system, but Oswald pointed to his heated brow, and +Dicky owned it was warm for polar regions. He had brought the ice-axe +(it is called the wood-chopper sometimes), and Oswald, ever ready and +able to command, set him and Denny to cut turfs from the bank while we +heaped stones across the stream. It was clayey here, or of course +dam-making would have been vain, even for the best-trained beaver.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span></p> + +<p>When we had made a ridge of stones we laid turfs against them—nearly +across the stream, leaving about two feet for the water to go +through—then more stones, and then lumps of clay stamped down as hard +as we could. The industrious beavers spent hours over it, with only one +easy to eat cake in. And at last the dam rose to the level of the bank. +Then the beavers collected a great heap of clay, and four of them lifted +it and dumped it down in the opening where the water was running. It did +splash a little, but a true-hearted beaver knows better than to mind a +bit of a wetting, as Oswald told Alice at the time. Then with more clay +the work was completed. We must have used tons of clay; there was quite +a big long hole in the bank above the dam where we had taken it out.</p> + +<p>When our beaver task was performed we went on, and Dicky was so hot he +had to take his jacket off and shut up about icebergs.</p> + +<p>I cannot tell you about all the windings of the stream; it went through +fields and woods and meadows, and at last the banks got steeper and +higher, and the trees overhead darkly arched their mysterious branches, +and we felt like the princes in a fairy tale who go out to seek their +fortunes.</p> + +<p>And then we saw a thing that was well worth coming all that way for; the +stream suddenly disappeared under a dark stone archway, and however much +you stood in the water and stuck your head down between your knees you +could not see any light at the other end.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span></p> + +<p>The stream was much smaller than where we had been beavers.</p> + +<p>Gentle reader, you will guess in a moment who it was that said:</p> + +<p>"Alice, you've got a candle. Let's explore."</p> + +<p>This gallant proposal met but a cold response.</p> + +<p>The others said they didn't care much about it, and what about tea?</p> + +<p>I often think the way people try to hide their cowardliness behind their +teas is simply beastly.</p> + +<p>Oswald took no notice. He just said, with that dignified manner, not at +all like sulking, which he knows so well how to put on:</p> + +<p>"All right. <i>I'm</i> going. If you funk it you'd better cut along home and +ask your nurses to put you to bed."</p> + +<p>So then, of course, they agreed to go. Oswald went first with the +candle. It was not comfortable; the architect of that dark, subterranean +passage had not imagined any one would ever be brave enough to lead a +band of beavers into its inky recesses, or he would have built it high +enough to stand upright in. As it was, we were bent almost at a right +angle, and this is very awkward if for long.</p> + +<p>But the leader pressed dauntlessly on, and paid no attention to the +groans of his faithful followers, nor to what they said about their +backs.</p> + +<p>It really was a very long tunnel, though, and even Oswald was not sorry +to say, "I see daylight." The followers cheered as well as they could as +they splashed after him. The floor was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span> stone as well as the roof, so it +was easy to walk on. I think the followers would have turned back if it +had been sharp stones or gravel.</p> + +<p>And now the spot of daylight at the end of the tunnel grew larger and +larger, and presently the intrepid leader found himself blinking in the +full sun, and the candle he carried looked simply silly. He emerged, and +the others too, and they stretched their backs, and the word "Krikey" +fell from more than one lip. It had indeed been a cramping adventure. +Bushes grew close to the mouth of the tunnel, so we could not see much +landscape, and when we had stretched our backs we went on up stream, and +nobody said they'd had jolly well enough of it, though in more than one +young heart this was thought.</p> + +<p>It was jolly to be in the sunshine again. I never knew before how cold +it was underground. The stream was getting smaller and smaller.</p> + +<p>Dicky said, "This can't be the way. I expect there was a turning to the +north pole inside the tunnel, only we missed it. It was cold enough +there."</p> + +<p>But here a twist in the stream brought us out from the bushes, and +Oswald said:</p> + +<p>"Here is strange, wild, tropical vegetation in the richest profusion. +Such blossoms as these never opened in a frigid what's-its-name."</p> + +<p>It was indeed true. We had come out into a sort of marshy, swampy place +like, I think, a jungle is, that the stream ran through, and it was +simply crammed with queer plants and flowers<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span> we never saw before or +since. And the stream was quite thin. It was torridly hot and softish to +walk on. There were rushes and reeds and small willows, and it was all +tangled over with different sorts of grasses—and pools here and there. +We saw no wild beasts, but there were more different kinds of wild flies +and beetles than you could believe anybody could bear, and dragon-flies +and gnats. The girls picked a lot of flowers. I know the names of some +of them, but I will not tell you them because this is not meant to be +instructing. So I will only name meadow-sweet, yarrow, loose-strife, +lady's bed-straw, and willow herb—both the larger and the lesser.</p> + +<p>Every one now wished to go home. It was much hotter there than in +natural fields. It made you want to tear all your clothes off and play +at savages, instead of keeping respectable in your boots.</p> + +<p>But we had to bear the boots because it was so brambly.</p> + +<p>It was Oswald who showed the others how flat it would be to go home the +same way we came; and he pointed out the telegraph wires in the distance +and said:</p> + +<p>"There must be a road there, let's make for it," which was quite a +simple and ordinary thing to say, and he does not ask for any credit for +it.</p> + +<p>So we sloshed along, scratching our legs with the brambles, and the +water squelched in our boots, and Alice's blue muslin frock was torn +all<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span> over in these criss-cross tears which are considered so hard to +darn.</p> + +<p>We did not follow the stream any more. It was only a trickle now, so we +knew we had tracked it to its source. And we got hotter and hotter and +hotter, and the dews of agony stood in beads on our brows and rolled +down our noses and off our chins. And the flies buzzed and the gnats +stung, and Oswald bravely sought to keep up Dicky's courage, when he +tripped on a snag and came down on a bramble-bush, by saying:</p> + +<p>"<i>You</i> see it <i>is</i> the source of the Nile we've discovered. What price +north poles now?"</p> + +<p>Alice said, "Ah, but think of ices! I expect Oswald wishes it <i>had</i> been +the pole, anyway—"</p> + +<p>Oswald is naturally the leader, especially when following up what is his +own idea, but he knows that leaders have other duties besides just +leading. One is to assist weak or wounded members of the expedition, +whether polar or equatorish.</p> + +<p>So the others had got a bit ahead through Oswald lending the tottering +Denny a hand over the rough places. Denny's feet hurt him, because when +he was a beaver his stockings had dropped out of his pocket, and boots +without stockings are not a bed of luxuriousness. And he is often +unlucky with his feet.</p> + +<p>Presently we came to a pond, and Denny said:</p> + +<p>"Let's paddle."</p> + +<p>Oswald likes Denny to have ideas; he knows it is healthy for the boy, +and generally he backs<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span> him up, but just now it was getting late and the +others were ahead, so he said:</p> + +<p>"Oh, rot! come on."</p> + +<p>Generally the Dentist would have; but even worms will turn if they are +hot enough, and if their feet are hurting them.</p> + +<p>"I don't care, I shall!" he said.</p> + +<p>Oswald overlooked the mutiny and did not say who was leader. He just +said:</p> + +<p>"Well, don't be all day about it," for he is a kind-hearted boy and can +make allowances.</p> + +<p>So Denny took off his boots and went into the pool.</p> + +<p>"Oh, it's ripping!" he said. "You ought to come in."</p> + +<p>"It looks beastly muddy," said his tolerating leader.</p> + +<p>"It is a bit," Denny said, "but the mud's just as cool as the water, and +so soft it squeezes between your toes quite different to boots."</p> + +<p>And so he splashed about, and kept asking Oswald to come along in.</p> + +<p>But some unseen influence prevented Oswald doing this; or it may have +been because both his bootlaces were in hard knots.</p> + +<p>Oswald had cause to bless the unseen influence, or the bootlaces, or +whatever it was.</p> + +<p>Denny had got to the middle of the pool, and he was splashing about and +getting his clothes very wet indeed, and altogether you would have +thought his was a most envious and happy state. But alas! the brightest +cloud has a waterproof lining. He was just saying:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span></p> + +<p>"You <i>are</i> a silly, Oswald. You'd much better—" when he gave a +blood-piercing scream, and began to kick about.</p> + +<p>"What's up?" cried the ready Oswald; he feared the worst from the way +Denny screamed, but he knew it could not be an old meat tin in this +quiet and jungular spot, like it was in the moat when the shark bit +Dora.</p> + +<p>"I don't know, it's biting me. Oh, it's biting me all over my legs! Oh, +what shall I do? Oh, it does hurt! Oh! oh! oh!" remarked Denny, among +his screams, and he splashed towards the bank. Oswald went into the +water and caught hold of him and helped him out. It is true that Oswald +had his boots on, but I trust he would not have funked the unknown +terrors of the deep, even without his boots. I am almost sure he would +not have.</p> + +<p>When Denny had scrambled and been hauled ashore, we saw with horror and +amaze that his legs were stuck all over with large black slug-looking +things. Denny turned green in the face—and even Oswald felt a bit +queer, for he knew in a moment what the black dreadfulnesses were. He +had read about them in a book called <i>Magnet Stories</i>, where there was a +girl called Theodosia, and she could play brilliant trebles on the piano +in duets, but the other girl knew all about leeches, which is much more +useful and golden deedy. Oswald tried to pull the leeches off, but they +wouldn't, and Denny howled so he had to stop trying. He remembered from +the <i>Magnet Stories</i><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span> how to make the leeches begin biting—the girl did +it with cream—but he could not remember how to stop them, and they had +not wanted any showing how to begin.</p> + +<p>"Oh, what shall I do? What shall I do? Oh, it does hurt! Oh, oh!" Denny +observed, and Oswald said:</p> + +<p>"Be a man! Buck up! If you won't let me take them off you'll just have +to walk home in them."</p> + +<p>At this thought the unfortunate youth's tears fell fast. But Oswald gave +him an arm, and carried his boots for him, and he consented to buck up, +and the two struggled on towards the others, who were coming back, +attracted by Denny's yells. He did not stop howling for a moment, except +to breathe. No one ought to blame him till they have had eleven leeches +on their right leg and six on their left, making seventeen in all, as +Dicky said, at once.</p> + +<p>It was lucky he did yell, as it turned out, because a man on the +road—where the telegraph wires were—was interested by his howls, and +came across the marsh to us as hard as he could.</p> + +<p>When he saw Denny's legs he said:</p> + +<p>"Blest if I didn't think so," and he picked Denny up and carried him +under one arm, where Denny went on saying "Oh!" and "It does hurt" as +hard as ever.</p> + +<p>Our rescuer, who proved to be a fine big young man in the bloom of +youth, and a farm-laborer by trade, in corduroys, carried the wretched +sufferer<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span> to the cottage where he lived with his aged mother; and then +Oswald found that what he had forgotten about the leeches was <i>salt</i>. +The young man in the bloom of youth's mother put salt on the leeches, +and they squirmed off, and fell with sickening, slug-like flops on the +brick floor.</p> + +<p>Then the young man in corduroys and the bloom, etc., carried Denny home +on his back, after his legs had been bandaged up, so that he looked like +"wounded warriors returning."</p> + +<p>It was not far by the road, though such a long distance by the way the +young explorers had come.</p> + +<p>He was a good young man, and though, of course, acts of goodness are +their own reward, still I was glad he had the two half-crowns Albert's +uncle gave him, as well as his own good act. But I am not sure Alice +ought to have put him in the Golden Deed book which was supposed to be +reserved for Us.</p> + +<p>Perhaps you will think this was the end of the source of the Nile (or +north pole). If you do, it only shows how mistaken the gentlest reader +may be.</p> + +<p>The wounded explorer was lying with his wounds and bandages on the sofa, +and we were all having our tea, with raspberries and white currants, +which we richly needed after our torrid adventures, when Mrs. Pettigrew, +the housekeeper, put her head in at the door and said:</p> + +<p>"Please could I speak to you half a moment, sir," to Albert's uncle. And +her voice was the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span> kind that makes you look at each other when the +grown-up has gone out, and you are silent, with your bread-and-butter +half way to the next bite, or your teacup in mid flight to your lips.</p> + +<p>It was as we supposed. Albert's uncle did not come back for a long +while. We did not keep the bread-and-butter on the wing all that time, +of course, and we thought we might as well finish the raspberries and +white currants. We kept some for Albert's uncle, of course, and they +were the best ones too; but when he came back he did not notice our +thoughtful unselfishness.</p> + +<p>He came in, and his face wore the look that means bed, and very likely +no supper.</p> + +<p>He spoke, and it was the calmness of white-hot iron, which is something +like the calmness of despair. He said:</p> + +<p>"You have done it again. What on earth possessed you to make a dam?"</p> + +<p>"We were being beavers," said H. O., in proud tones. He did not see as +we did where Albert's uncle's tone pointed to.</p> + +<p>"No doubt," said Albert's uncle, rubbing his hands through his hair. "No +doubt! no doubt! Well, my beavers, you may go and build dams with your +bolsters. Your dam stopped the stream; the clay you took for it left a +channel through which it has run down and ruined about seven pounds' +worth of freshly reaped barley. Luckily the farmer found it out in time +or you might have spoiled seventy pounds' worth. And you burned a bridge +yesterday."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span></p> + +<p>We said we were sorry. There was nothing else to say, only Alice added, +"We didn't <i>mean</i> to be naughty."</p> + +<p>"Of course not," said Albert's uncle, "you never do. Oh, yes, I'll kiss +you—but it's bed and it's two hundred lines to-morrow, and the line +is—'Beware of Being Beavers and Burning Bridges. Dread Dams.' It will +be a capital exercise in capital B's and D's."</p> + +<p>We knew by that that, though annoyed, he was not furious; we went to +bed.</p> + +<p>I got jolly sick of capital B's and D's before sunset on the morrow. +That night, just as the others were falling asleep, Oswald said:</p> + +<p>"I say."</p> + +<p>"Well," retorted his brother.</p> + +<p>"There is one thing about it," Oswald went on, "it does show it was a +rattling good dam anyhow."</p> + +<p>And filled with this agreeable thought, the weary beavers (or explorers, +polar or otherwise) fell asleep.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span></p> +<h2>THE HIGH-BORN BABE</h2> + +<div class="drop"> +<img src="images/drop_i2.jpg" width="127" height="125" alt="I" class="cap" /> + +<p class="cap_1">It really was not such a bad baby—for a baby. Its face was round and +quite clean, which babies' faces are not always, as I dare say you know +by your own youthful relatives; and Dora said its cape was trimmed with +real lace, whatever that may be—I don't see myself how one kind of lace +can be realler than another. It was in a very swagger sort of +perambulator when we saw it; and the perambulator was standing quite by +itself in the lane that leads to the mill.</p></div> + +<p>"I wonder whose baby it is," Dora said. "Isn't it a darling, Alice?"</p> + +<p>Alice agreed to its being one, and said she thought it was most likely +the child of noble parents stolen by gipsies.</p> + +<p>"These two, as likely as not," Noël said. "Can't you see something +crime-like in the very way they're lying?"</p> + +<p>They were two tramps, and they were lying on the grass at the edge of +the lane on the shady side, fast asleep, only a very little further on +than where the Baby was. They were very ragged, and their snores did +have a sinister sound.</p> + +<p>"I expect they stole the titled heir at dead of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span> night, and they've been +travelling hot-foot ever since, so now they're sleeping the sleep of +exhaustedness," Alice said. "What a heartrending scene when the +patrician mother wakes in the morning and finds the infant aristocrat +isn't in bed with his mamma."</p> + +<p>The Baby was fast asleep or else the girls would have kissed it. They +are strangely fond of kissing. The author never could see anything in it +himself.</p> + +<p>"If the gipsies <i>did</i> steal it," Dora said, "perhaps they'd sell it to +us. I wonder what they'd take for it."</p> + +<p>"What could you do with it if you'd got it?" H. O. asked.</p> + +<p>"Why, adopt it, of course," Dora said. "I've often thought I should +enjoy adopting a baby. It would be a golden deed, too. We've hardly got +any in the book yet."</p> + +<p>"I should have thought there were enough of us," Dicky said.</p> + +<p>"Ah, but you're none of you babies," said Dora.</p> + +<p>"Unless you count H. O. as a baby: he behaves jolly like one sometimes."</p> + +<p>This was because of what had happened that morning when Dicky found H. +O. going fishing with a box of worms, and the box was the one Dicky +keeps his silver studs in, and the medal he got at school, and what is +left of his watch and chain. The box is lined with red velvet and it was +not nice afterwards. And then H. O. said Dicky had hurt him, and he was +a beastly bully,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span> and he cried. We thought all this had been made up, +and were sorry to see it threaten to break out again. So Oswald said:</p> + +<p>"Oh, bother the Baby! Come along, do!"</p> + +<p>And the others came.</p> + +<p>We were going to the miller's with a message about some flour that +hadn't come, and about a sack of sharps for the pigs.</p> + +<p>After you go down the lane you come to a cloverfield, and then a +cornfield, and then another lane, and then it is the mill. It is a jolly +fine mill; in fact, it is two—water and wind ones—one of each +kind—with a house and farm buildings as well. I never saw a mill like +it, and I don't believe you have either.</p> + +<p>If we had been in a story-book the miller's wife would have taken us +into the neat sanded kitchen where the old oak settle was black with +time and rubbing, and dusted chairs for us—old brown Windsor +chairs—and given us each a glass of sweet-scented cowslip wine and a +thick slice of rich home-made cake. And there would have been fresh +roses in an old china bowl on the table. As it was, she asked us all +into the parlor and gave us Eiffel Tower lemonade and Marie biscuits. +The chairs in her parlor were "bent wood," and no flowers, except some +wax ones under a glass shade, but she was very kind, and we were very +much obliged to her. We got out to the miller, though, as soon as we +could; only Dora and Daisy stayed with her, and she talked to them about +her lodgers and about her relations in London.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span></p> + +<p>The miller is a MAN. He showed us all over the mills—both kinds—and +let us go right up into the very top of the wind-mill, and showed us how +the top moved round so that the sails could catch the wind, and the +great heaps of corn, some red and some yellow (the red is English +wheat), and the heaps slide down a little bit at a time into a square +hole and go down to the millstones. The corn makes a rustling, soft +noise that is very jolly—something like the noise of the sea—and you +can hear it through all the other mill noises.</p> + +<p>Then the miller let us go all over the water-mill. It is fairy palaces +inside a mill. Everything is powdered over white, like sugar on pancakes +when you are allowed to help yourself. And he opened a door and showed +us the great water-wheel working on slow and sure, like some great, +round dripping giant, Noël said, and then he asked us if we fished.</p> + +<p>"Yes," was our immediate reply.</p> + +<p>"Then why not try the mill-pool?" he said, and we replied politely; and +when he was gone to tell his man something, we owned to each other that +he was a trump.</p> + +<p>He did the thing thoroughly. He took us out and cut us ash saplings for +rods; he found us in lines and hooks, and several different sorts of +bait, including a handsome handful of meal-worms, which Oswald put loose +in his pocket.</p> + +<p>When it came to bait, Alice said she was going home with Dora and Daisy. +Girls are strange, mysterious, silly things. Alice always enjoys a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span> rat +hunt until the rat is caught, but she hates fishing from beginning to +end. We boys have got to like it. We don't feel now as we did when we +turned off the water and stopped the competition of the competing +anglers. We had a grand day's fishing that day. I can't think what made +the miller so kind to us. Perhaps he felt a thrill of fellow-feeling in +his manly breast for his fellow-sportsmen, for he was a noble fisherman +himself.</p> + +<p>We had glorious sport—eight roach, six dace, three eels, seven perch, +and a young pike, but he was so very young the miller asked us to put +him back, and of course we did.</p> + +<p>"He'll live to bite another day," said the miller.</p> + +<p>The miller's wife gave us bread and cheese and more Eiffel Tower +lemonade, and we went home at last, a little damp, but full of +successful ambition, with our fish on a string.</p> + +<p>It had been a strikingly good time—one of those times that happen in +the country quite by themselves. Country people are much more friendly +than town people. I suppose they don't have to spread their friendly +feelings out over so many persons, so it's thicker, like a pound of +butter on one loaf is thicker than on a dozen. Friendliness in the +country is not scrape, like it is in London. Even Dicky and H. O. forgot +the affair of honor that had taken place in the morning. H. O. changed +rods with Dicky because H. O.'s was the best rod, and Dicky baited H. +O.'s hook for him, just like loving, unselfish brothers in Sunday-school +magazines.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span></p> + +<p>We were talking fishlikely as we went along down the lane and through +the cornfield and the cloverfield, and then we came to the other lane +where we had seen the Baby. The tramps were gone, and the perambulator +was gone, and, of course, the Baby was gone too.</p> + +<p>"I wonder if those gypsies <i>had</i> stolen the Baby," Noël said, dreamily. +He had not fished much, but he had made a piece of poetry. It was this:</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"How I wish<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I was a fish.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I would not look<br /></span> +<span class="i0">At your hook,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But lie still and be cool<br /></span> +<span class="i0">At the bottom of the pool.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And when you went to look<br /></span> +<span class="i0">At your cruel hook,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">You would not find me there,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">So there!"<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>"If they did steal the Baby," Noël went on, "they will be tracked by the +lordly perambulator. You can disguise a baby in rags and walnut juice, +but there isn't any disguise dark enough to conceal a perambulator's +person."</p> + +<p>"You might disguise it as a wheelbarrow," said Dicky.</p> + +<p>"Or cover it with leaves," said H. O., "like the robins."</p> + +<p>We told him to shut up and not gibber, but afterwards we had to own that +even a young brother may sometimes talk sense by accident.</p> + +<p>For we took the short cut home from the lane—it begins with a large gap +in the hedge and the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span> grass and weeds trodden down by the hasty feet of +persons who were late for church and in too great a hurry to go round by +the road. Our house is next to the church, as I think I have said +before, some time.</p> + +<p>The short cut leads to a stile at the edge of a bit of wood (the +Parson's Shave, they call it, because it belongs to him). The wood has +not been shaved for some time, and it has grown out beyond the stile; +and here, among the hazels and chestnuts and young dog-wood bushes, we +saw something white. We felt it was our duty to investigate, even if the +white was only the under side of the tail of a dead rabbit caught in a +trap. It was not—it was part of the perambulator. I forgot whether I +said that the perambulator was enamelled white—not the kind of +enamelling you do at home with Aspinall's and the hairs of the brush +come out and it is gritty-looking, but smooth, like the handles of +ladies' very best lace parasols. And whoever had abandoned the helpless +perambulator in that lonely spot had done exactly as H. O. said, and +covered it with leaves, only they were green and some of them had +dropped off.</p> + +<p>The others were wild with excitement. Now or never, they thought, was a +chance to be real detectives. Oswald alone retained a calm exterior. It +was he who would not go straight to the police station.</p> + +<p>He said: "Let's try and ferret out something for ourselves before we +tell the police. They<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span> always have a clue directly they hear about the +finding of the body. And besides, we might as well let Alice be in +anything there is going. And besides, we haven't had our dinners yet."</p> + +<p>This argument of Oswald's was so strong and powerful—his arguments are +often that, as I dare say you have noticed—that the others agreed. It +was Oswald, too, who showed his artless brothers why they had much +better not take the deserted perambulator home with them.</p> + +<p>"The dead body, or whatever the clew is, is always left exactly as it is +found," he said, "till the police have seen it, and the coroner, and the +inquest, and the doctor, and the sorrowing relations. Besides, suppose +some one saw us with the beastly thing, and thought we had stolen it; +then they would say, '<i>What have you done with the Baby?</i>' and then +where should we be?"</p> + +<p>Oswald's brothers could not answer this question, but once more Oswald's +native eloquence and far-seeing discerningness conquered.</p> + +<p>"Anyway," Dicky said, "let's shove the derelict a little further under +cover."</p> + +<p>So we did.</p> + +<p>Then we went on home. Dinner was ready and so were Alice and Daisy, but +Dora was not there.</p> + +<p>"She's got a—well, she's not coming to dinner anyway," Alice said when +we asked. "She can tell you herself afterwards what it is she's got."</p> + +<p>Oswald thought it was headache, or pain in the temper, or in the +pinafore, so he said no more, but as soon as Mrs. Pettigrew had helped +us and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span> left the room he began the thrilling tale of the forsaken +perambulator. He told it with the greatest thrillingness any one could +have, but Daisy and Alice seemed almost unmoved. Alice said:</p> + +<p>"Yes, very strange," and things like that, but both the girls seemed to +be thinking of something else. They kept looking at each other and +trying not to laugh, so Oswald saw they had got some silly secret, and +he said:</p> + +<p>"Oh, all right! I don't care about telling you. I only thought you'd +like to be in it. It's going to be a real big thing, with policemen in +it, and perhaps a judge."</p> + +<p>"In what?" H. O. said; "the perambulator?"</p> + +<p>Daisy choked and then tried to drink, and spluttered and got purple, and +had to be thumped on the back. But Oswald was not appeased. When Alice +said, "Do go on, Oswald. I'm sure we all like it very much," he said:</p> + +<p>"Oh no, thank you," very politely. "As it happens," he went on, "I'd +just as soon go through with this thing without having any girls in it."</p> + +<p>"In the perambulator?" said H. O. again.</p> + +<p>"It's a man's job," Oswald went on, without taking any notice of H. O.</p> + +<p>"Do you really think so," said Alice, "when there's a baby in it?"</p> + +<p>"But there isn't," said H. O., "if you mean in the perambulator."</p> + +<p>"Blow you and your perambulator," said Oswald, with gloomy forbearance.</p> + +<p>Alice kicked Oswald under the table and said:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Don't be waxy, Oswald. Really and truly Daisy and I <i>have</i> got a +secret, only it's Dora's secret, and she wants to tell you herself. If +it was mine or Daisy's we'd tell you this minute, wouldn't we, Mouse?"</p> + +<p>"This very second," said the White Mouse.</p> + +<p>And Oswald consented to take their apologies.</p> + +<p>Then the pudding came in, and no more was said except asking for things +to be passed—sugar and water, and bread and things.</p> + +<p>Then, when the pudding was all gone, Alice said:</p> + +<p>"Come on."</p> + +<p>And we came on. We did not want to be disagreeable, though really we +were keen on being detectives and sifting that perambulator to the very +dregs. But boys have to try to take an interest in their sisters' +secrets, however silly. This is part of being a good brother.</p> + +<p>Alice led us across the field where the sheep once fell into the brook, +and across the brook by the plank. At the other end of the next field +there was a sort of wooden house on wheels, that the shepherd sleeps in +at the time of year when lambs are being born, so that he can see that +they are not stolen by gypsies before the owners have counted them.</p> + +<p>To this hut Alice now led her kind brothers and Daisy's kind brother.</p> + +<p>"Dora is inside," she said, "with the Secret. We were afraid to have it +in the house in case it made a noise."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span></p> + +<p>The next moment the Secret was a secret no longer, for we all beheld +Dora, sitting on a sack on the floor of the hut, with the Secret in her +lap.</p> + +<p>It was the High-born Babe!</p> + +<p>Oswald was so overcome that he sat down suddenly, just like Betsy +Trotwood did in <i>David Copperfield</i>, which just shows what a true author +Dickens is.</p> + +<p>"You've done it this time," he said. "I suppose you know you're a +baby-stealer?"</p> + +<p>"I'm not," Dora said. "I've adopted him."</p> + +<p>"Then it was you," Dicky said, "who scuttled the perambulator in the +wood?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," Alice said; "we couldn't get it over the stile unless Dora put +down the Baby, and we were afraid of the nettles for his legs. His name +is to be Lord Edward."</p> + +<p>"But, Dora—really, don't you think—"</p> + +<p>"If you'd been there you'd have done the same," said Dora, firmly. "The +gypsies had gone. Of course something had frightened them, and they fled +from justice. And the little darling was awake and held out his arms to +me. No, he hasn't cried a bit, and I know all about babies; I've often +nursed Mrs. Simpkins's daughter's baby when she brings it up on Sundays. +They have bread and milk to eat. You take him, Alice, and I'll go and +get some bread and milk for him."</p> + +<p>Alice took the noble brat. It was horribly lively, and squirmed about in +her arms, and wanted to crawl on the floor. She could only keep it quiet +by saying things to it a boy would be ashamed<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span> even to think of saying, +such as "Goo goo," and "Did ums was," and "Ickle ducksums then."</p> + +<p>When Alice used these expressions the Baby laughed and chuckled and +replied:</p> + +<p>"Daddadda," "Bababa," or "Glueglue."</p> + +<p>But if Alice stopped her remarks for an instant the thing screwed its +face up as if it was going to cry, but she never gave it time to begin.</p> + +<p>It was a rummy little animal.</p> + +<p>Then Dora came back with the bread and milk, and they fed the noble +infant. It was greedy and slobbery, but all three girls seemed unable to +keep their eyes and hands off it. They looked at it exactly as if it was +pretty.</p> + +<p>We boys stayed watching them. There was no amusement left for us now, +for Oswald saw that Dora's Secret knocked the bottom out of the +perambulator.</p> + +<p>When the infant aristocrat had eaten a hearty meal it sat on Alice's lap +and played with the amber heart she wears that Albert's uncle brought +her from Hastings after the business of the bad sixpence and the +nobleness of Oswald.</p> + +<p>"Now," said Dora, "this is a council, so I want to be business-like. The +Duckums Darling has been stolen away; its wicked stealers have deserted +the Precious. We've got it. Perhaps its ancestral halls are miles and +miles away. I vote we keep the little Lovey Duck till it's advertised +for."</p> + +<p>"If Albert's uncle lets you," said Dicky, darkly.</p> + +<p>"Oh, don't say 'you' like that," Dora said; "I<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</a></span> want it to be all of our +baby. It will have five fathers and three mothers, and a grandfather and +a great Albert's uncle, and a great grand-uncle. I'm sure Albert's uncle +will let us keep it—at any rate till it's advertised for."</p> + +<p>"And suppose it never is," Noël said.</p> + +<p>"Then so much the better," said Dora, "the little Duckywux."</p> + +<p>She began kissing the baby again. Oswald, ever thoughtful, said:</p> + +<p>"Well, what about your dinner?"</p> + +<p>"Bother dinner!" Dora said—so like a girl. "Will you all agree to be +his fathers and mothers?"</p> + +<p>"Anything for a quiet life," said Dicky, and Oswald said:</p> + +<p>"Oh yes, if you like. But you'll see we sha'n't be allowed to keep it."</p> + +<p>"You talk as if he was rabbits or white rats," said Dora, "and he's +not—he's a little man, he is."</p> + +<p>"All right, he's no rabbit, but a man. Come on and get some grub, Dora," +rejoined the kind-hearted Oswald, and Dora did, with Oswald and the +other boys. Only Noël stayed with Alice. He really seemed to like the +baby. When I looked back he was standing on his head to amuse it, but +the baby did not seem to like him any better whichever end of him was +up.</p> + +<p>Dora went back to the shepherd's house on wheels directly she had had +her dinner. Mrs. Pettigrew was very cross about her not being in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</a></span> to it, +but she had kept her some mutton hot all the same. She is a decent sort. +And there were stewed prunes. We had some to keep Dora company. Then we +boys went fishing again in the moat, but we caught nothing.</p> + +<p>Just before tea-time we all went back to the hut, and before we got half +across the last field we could hear the howling of the Secret.</p> + +<p>"Poor little beggar," said Oswald, with manly tenderness. "They must be +sticking pins in it."</p> + +<p>We found the girls and Noël looking quite pale and breathless. Daisy was +walking up and down with the Secret in her arms. It looked like Alice in +Wonderland nursing the baby that turned into a pig. Oswald said so, and +added that its screams were like it too.</p> + +<p>"What on earth is the matter with it?" he said.</p> + +<p>"<i>I</i> don't know," said Alice. "Daisy's tired, and Dora and I are quite +worn out. He's been crying for hours and hours. <i>You</i> take him a bit."</p> + +<p>"Not me," replied Oswald, firmly, withdrawing a pace from the Secret.</p> + +<p>Dora was fumbling with her waistband in the furthest corner of the hut.</p> + +<p>"I think he's cold," she said. "I thought I'd take off my flannelette +petticoat, only the horrid strings got into a hard knot. Here, Oswald, +let's have your knife."</p> + +<p>With the word she plunged her hand into Oswald's jacket pocket, and next +moment she was rubbing her hand like mad on her dress, and screaming +almost as loud as the Baby. Then she began to laugh and to cry at the +same time. This is called hysterics.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 492px;"> +<img src="images/gs08.jpg" width="492" height="650" alt=""FOUND HIMSELF THE DEGRADED NURSE-MAID OF A SMALL BUT +FURIOUS KID"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"FOUND HIMSELF THE DEGRADED NURSE-MAID OF A SMALL BUT +FURIOUS KID"</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</a></span></p> + +<p>Oswald was sorry, but he was annoyed too. He had forgotten that his +pocket was half full of the meal-worms the miller had kindly given him. +And, anyway, Dora ought to have known that a man always carries his +knife in his trousers pocket and not in his jacket one.</p> + +<p>Alice and Daisy rushed to Dora. She had thrown herself down on the pile +of sacks in the corner. The titled infant delayed its screams for a +moment to listen to Dora's, but almost at once it went on again.</p> + +<p>"Oh, get some water!" said Alice. "Daisy, run!"</p> + +<p>The White Mouse, ever docile and obedient, shoved the baby into the arms +of the nearest person, who had to take it or it would have fallen a +wreck to the ground. This nearest person was Oswald. He tried to pass it +on to the others, but they wouldn't. Noël would have, but he was busy +kissing Dora and begging her not to.</p> + +<p>So our hero, for such I may perhaps term him, found himself the degraded +nursemaid of a small but furious kid.</p> + +<p>He was afraid to lay it down, for fear in its rage it should beat its +brains out against the hard earth, and he did not wish, however +innocently, to be the cause of its hurting itself at all. So he walked +earnestly up and down with it, thumping it unceasingly on the back, +while the others attended to Dora, who presently ceased to yell.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</a></span></p> + +<p>Suddenly it struck Oswald that the High-born also had ceased to yell. He +looked at it, and could hardly believe the glad tidings of his faithful +eyes. With bated breath he hastened back to the sheep-house.</p> + +<p>The others turned on him, full of reproaches about the meal-worms and +Dora, but he answered without anger.</p> + +<p>"Shut up," he said, in a whisper of imperial command. "Can't you see +it's <i>gone to sleep</i>?"</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>As exhausted as if they had all taken part in all the events of a very +long Athletic Sports, the youthful Bastables and their friends dragged +their weary limbs back across the fields. Oswald was compelled to go on +holding the titled infant, for fear it should wake up if it changed +hands, and begin to yell again. Dora's flannelette petticoat had been +got off somehow—how I do not seek to inquire—and the Secret was +covered with it. The others surrounded Oswald as much as possible, with +a view to concealment if we met Mrs. Pettigrew. But the coast was clear. +Oswald took the Secret up into his bedroom. Mrs. Pettigrew doesn't come +there much; it's too many stairs.</p> + +<p>With breathless precaution Oswald laid it down on his bed. It sighed, +but did not wake. Then we took it in turns to sit by it and see that it +did not get up and fling itself out of bed, which, in one of its furious +fits, it would just as soon have done as not.</p> + +<p>We expected Albert's uncle every minute.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</a></span></p> + +<p>At last we heard the gate, but he did not come in, so we looked out and +saw that there he was talking to a distracted-looking man on a piebald +horse—one of the miller's horses.</p> + +<p>A shiver of doubt coursed through our veins. We could not remember +having done anything wrong at the miller's. But you never know. And it +seemed strange his sending a man up on his own horse. But when we had +looked a bit longer our fears went down and our curiosity got up. For we +saw that the distracted one was a gentleman.</p> + +<p>Presently he rode off, and Albert's uncle came in. A deputation met him +at the door—all the boys and Dora, because the baby was her idea.</p> + +<p>"We've found something," Dora said, "and we want to know whether we may +keep it."</p> + +<p>The rest of us said nothing. We were not so very extra anxious to keep +it after we had heard how much and how long it could howl. Even Noël had +said he had no idea a baby could yell like it. Dora said it only cried +because it was sleepy, but we reflected that it would certainly be +sleepy once a day, if not oftener.</p> + +<p>"What is it?" said Albert's uncle. "Let's see this treasure-trove. Is it +a wild beast?"</p> + +<p>"Come and see," said Dora, and we led him to our room.</p> + +<p>Alice turned down the pink flannelette petticoat with silly pride, and +showed the youthful heir fatly and pinkly sleeping.</p> + +<p>"A baby!" said Albert's uncle. "<i>The</i> Baby! Oh, my cat's alive!"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</a></span></p> + +<p>That is an expression which he uses to express despair unmixed with +anger.</p> + +<p>"Where did you?—but that doesn't matter. We'll talk of this later."</p> + +<p>He rushed from the room, and in a moment or two we saw him mount his +bicycle and ride off.</p> + +<p>Quite shortly he returned with the distracted horseman.</p> + +<p>It was <i>his</i> baby, and not titled at all. The horseman and his wife were +the lodgers at the mill. The nursemaid was a girl from the village.</p> + +<p>She <i>said</i> she only left the Baby five minutes while she went to speak +to her sweetheart, who was gardener at the Red House. But <i>we</i> knew she +left it over an hour, and nearly two.</p> + +<p>I never saw any one so pleased as the distracted horseman.</p> + +<p>When we were asked we explained about having thought the Baby was the +prey of gypsies, and the distracted horseman stood hugging the Baby, and +actually thanked us.</p> + +<p>But when he had gone we had a brief lecture on minding our own business. +But Dora still thinks she was right. As for Oswald and most of the +others, they agreed that they would rather mind their own business all +their lives than mind a baby for a single hour.</p> + +<p>If you have never had to do with a baby in the frenzied throes of +sleepiness you can have no idea what its screams are like.</p> + +<p>If you have been through such a scene you will<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</a></span> understand how we +managed to bear up under having no baby to adopt.</p> + +<p>Oswald insisted on having the whole thing written in the Golden Deed +book. Of course his share could not be put in without telling about +Dora's generous adopting of the forlorn infant outcast, and Oswald could +not and cannot forget that he was the one who did get that baby to +sleep.</p> + +<p>What a time Mr. and Mrs. Distracted Horseman must have of it, +though—especially now they've sacked the nursemaid.</p> + +<p>If Oswald is ever married—I suppose he must be some day—he will have +ten nurses to each baby. Eight is not enough. We know that because we +tried, and the whole eight of us were not enough for the needs of that +deserted infant, who was not so extra high-born after all.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</a></span></p> +<h2>HUNTING THE FOX</h2> + +<div class="drop"> +<img src="images/drop_i3.jpg" width="127" height="125" alt="I" class="cap" /> + +<p class="cap_1">It is idle to expect every one to know everything in the world without +being told. If we had been brought up in the country we should have +known that it is not done—to hunt the fox in August. But in the +Lewisham Road the most observing boy does not notice the dates when it +is proper to hunt foxes.</p> +</div> + +<p>And there are some things you cannot bear to think that anybody would +think you would do; that is why I wish to say plainly at the very +beginning that none of us would have shot a fox on purpose even to save +our skins. Of course, if a man were at bay in a cave, and had to defend +girls from the simulaerous attack of a herd of savage foxes it would be +different. A man is bound to protect girls and take care of them—they +can jolly well take care of themselves really it seems to me—still, +this is what Albert's uncle calls one of the "rules of the game," so we +are bound to defend them and fight for them to the death, if needful.</p> + +<p>Denny knows a quotation which says:</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"What dire offence from harmless causes springs,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">What mighty contests rise from trefoil things."<br /></span> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</a></span></div></div> + +<p>He says this means that all great events come from three +things—three-fold, like the clover or trefoil, and the causes are +always harmless. Trefoil is short for three-fold.</p> + +<p>There were certainty three things that led up to the adventure which is +now going to be told you. The first was our Indian uncle coming down to +the country to see us. The second was Denny's tooth. The third was only +our wanting to go hunting; but if you count it in it makes the thing +about the trefoil come right. And all these causes were harmless.</p> + +<p>It is a flattering thing to say, and it was not Oswald who said it, but +Dora. She said she was certain our uncle missed us, and that he felt he +could no longer live without seeing his dear ones (that was us).</p> + +<p>Anyway, he came down, without warning, which is one of the few bad +habits that excellent Indian man has, and this habit has ended in +unpleasantness more than once, as when we played Jungles.</p> + +<p>However, this time it was all right. He came on rather a dull kind of +day, when no one had thought of anything particularly amusing to do. So +that, as it happened to be dinner-time and we had just washed our hands +and faces, we were all spotlessly clean (compared with what we are +sometimes, I mean, of course).</p> + +<p>We were just sitting down to dinner, and Albert's uncle was just +plunging the knife into the hot heart of the steak pudding, when there +was the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</a></span> rumble of wheels, and the station fly stopped at the garden +gate. And in the fly, sitting very upright, with his hands on his knees, +was our Indian relative so much beloved. He looked very smart, with a +rose in his buttonhole. How different from what he looked in other days +when he helped us to pretend that our currant pudding was a wild boar we +were killing with our forks. Yet, though tidier, his heart still beat +kind and true. You should not judge people harshly because their clothes +are tidy. He had dinner with us, and then we showed him round the place, +and told him everything we thought he would like to hear, and about the +Tower of Mystery, and he said:</p> + +<p>"It makes my blood boil to think of it."</p> + +<p>Noël said he was sorry for that, because everyone else we had told it to +had owned, when we asked them, that it froze their blood.</p> + +<p>"Ah," said the Uncle, "but in India we learn how to freeze our blood and +boil it at the same time."</p> + +<p>In those hot longitudes, perhaps, the blood is always near boiling +point, which accounts for Indian tempers, though not for the curry and +pepper they eat. But I must not wander; there is no curry at all in this +story. About temper I will not say.</p> + +<p>The Uncle let us all go with him to the station when the fly came back +for him; and when we said good-bye he tipped us all half a quid, without +any insidious distinctions about age or considering whether you were a +boy or a girl. Our<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</a></span> Indian uncle is a true-born Briton, with no nonsense +about him.</p> + +<p>We cheered him like one man as the train went off, and then we offered +the fly-driver a shilling to take us back to the four cross-roads, and +the grateful creature did it for nothing because, he said, the gent had +tipped him something like. How scarce is true gratitude! So we cheered +the driver too for this rare virtue, and then went home to talk about +what we should do with our money.</p> + +<p>I cannot tell you all that we did with it, because money melts away +"like snow-wreaths in thaw-jean," as Denny says, and somehow the more +you have the more quickly it melts. We all went into Maidstone, and came +back with the most beautiful lot of brown paper parcels, with things +inside that supplied long-felt wants. But none of them belong to this +narration, except what Oswald and Denny clubbed to buy.</p> + +<p>This was a pistol, and it took all the money they both had, but when +Oswald felt the uncomfortable inside sensation that reminds you who it +is and his money that are soon parted he said to himself:</p> + +<p>"I don't care. We ought to have a pistol in the house, and one that will +go off, too—not those rotten flint-locks. Suppose there should be +burglars and us totally unarmed?"</p> + +<p>We took it in turns to have the pistol, and we decided always to +practise with it far from the house, so as not to frighten the +grown-ups, who<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</a></span> are always much nervouser about firearms than we are.</p> + +<p>It was Denny's idea getting it; and Oswald owns it surprised him, but +the boy was much changed in his character. We got it while the others +were grubbing at the pastry-cook's in the High Street, and we said +nothing till after tea, though it was hard not to fire at the birds on +the telegraph wires as we came home in the train.</p> + +<p>After tea we called a council in the straw-loft, and Oswald said:</p> + +<p>"Denny and I have got a secret."</p> + +<p>"I know what it is," Dicky said, contemptibly. "You've found out that +shop in Maidstone where peppermint rock is four ounces a penny. H. O. +and I found it out before you did."</p> + +<p>Oswald said, "You shut up. If you don't want to hear the secret you'd +better bunk. I'm going to administer the secret oath."</p> + +<p>This is a very solemn oath, and only used about real things, and never +for pretending ones, so Dicky said:</p> + +<p>"Oh, all right; go ahead! I thought you were only rotting."</p> + +<p>So they all took the secret oath. Noël made it up long before, when he +had found the first thrush's nest we ever saw in the Blackheath garden:</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"I will not tell, I will not reveal,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I will not touch, or try to steal;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And may I be called a beastly sneak,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">If this great secret I ever repeat."<br /></span> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</a></span></div></div> + +<p>It is a little wrong about the poetry, but it is a very binding promise. +They all repeated it, down to H. O.</p> + +<p>"Now then," Dicky said, "what's up?"</p> + +<p>Oswald, in proud silence, drew the pistol from his breast and held it +out, and there was a murmur of awful amazement and respect from every +one of the council. The pistol was not loaded, so we let even the girls +have it to look at.</p> + +<p>And then Dicky said, "Let's go hunting."</p> + +<p>And we decided that we would. H. O. wanted to go down to the village and +get penny horns at the shop for the huntsmen to wind, like in the song, +but we thought it would be more modest not to wind horns or anything +noisy, at any rate not until we had run down our prey. But his talking +of the song made us decided that it was the fox we wanted to hunt. We +had not been particular which animal we hunted before that.</p> + +<p>Oswald let Denny have first go with the pistol, and when we went to bed +he slept with it under his pillow, but not loaded, for fear he should +have a nightmare and draw his fell weapon before he was properly awake.</p> + +<p>Oswald let Denny have it, because Denny had toothache, and a pistol is +consoling though it does not actually stop the pain of the tooth. The +toothache got worse, and Albert's uncle looked at it, and said it was +very loose, and Denny owned he had tried to crack a peach-stone with it. +Which accounts. He had creosote and camphor, and went to bed early, with +his tooth tied up in red flannel.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</a></span></p> + +<p>Oswald knows it is right to be very kind when people are ill, and he +forebore to wake the sufferer next morning by buzzing a pillow at him, +as he generally does. He got up and went over to shake the invalid, but +the bird had flown and the nest was cold. The pistol was not in the nest +either, but Oswald found it afterwards under the looking-glass on the +dressing-table. He had just awakened the others (with a hair-brush +because they had not got anything the matter with their teeth), when he +heard wheels, and, looking out, beheld Denny and Albert's uncle being +driven from the door in the farmer's high cart with the red wheels.</p> + +<p>We dressed extra quick, so as to get down-stairs to the bottom of the +mystery. And we found a note from Albert's uncle. It was addressed to +Dora, and said:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"Denny's toothache got him up in the small hours. He's off +to the dentist to have it out with him, man to man. Home to +dinner."</p></div> + +<p>Dora said, "Denny's gone to the dentist."</p> + +<p>"I expect it's a relation," H. O. said. "Denny must be short for +Dentist."</p> + +<p>I suppose he was trying to be funny—he really does try very hard. He +wants to be a clown when he grows up. The others laughed.</p> + +<p>"I wonder," Dicky said, "whether he'll get a shilling or half-a-crown +for it."</p> + +<p>Oswald had been meditating in gloomy silence, now he cheered up and +said:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Of course! I'd forgotten that. He'll get his tooth money, and the drive +too. So it's quite fair for us to have the fox-hunt while he's gone. I +was thinking we should have to put it off."</p> + +<p>The others agreed that it would not be unfair.</p> + +<p>"We can have another one another time if he wants to," Oswald said.</p> + +<p>We know foxes are hunted in red coats and on horseback—but we could not +do this—but H. O. had the old red football jersey that was Albert's +uncle's when he was at Loretto. He was pleased.</p> + +<p>"But I do wish we'd had horns," he said, grievingly. "I should have +liked to wind the horn."</p> + +<p>"We can pretend horns," Dora said; but he answered, "I didn't want to +pretend. I wanted to wind something."</p> + +<p>"Wind your watch," Dicky said. And that was unkind, because we all know +H. O.'s watch is broken, and when you wind it, it only rattles inside +without going in the least.</p> + +<p>We did not bother to dress up much for the hunting expedition—just +cocked hats and lath swords; and we tied a card on to H. O.'s chest with +"Moat House Fox-Hunters" on it; and we tied red flannel round all the +dogs' necks to show they were fox-hounds. Yet it did not seem to show it +plainly; somehow it made them look as if they were not fox-hounds, but +their own natural breeds—only with sore throats.</p> + +<p>Oswald slipped the pistol and a few cartridges into his pocket. He knew, +of course, that foxes are not shot; but as he said:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Who knows whether we may not meet a bear or a crocodile."</p> + +<p>We set off gayly. Across the orchard and through two cornfields, and +along the hedge of another field, and so we got into the wood, through a +gap we had happened to make a day or two before, playing "follow my +leader."</p> + +<p>The wood was very quiet and green; the dogs were happy and most busy. +Once Pincher started a rabbit. We said, "View Halloo!" and immediately +started in pursuit; but the rabbit went and hid, so that even Pincher +could not find him, and we went on. But we saw no foxes.</p> + +<p>So at last we made Dicky be a fox, and chased him down the green rides. +A wide walk in a wood is called a ride, even if people never do anything +but walk in it.</p> + +<p>We had only three hounds—Lady, Pincher, and Martha—so we joined the +glad throng and were being hounds as hard as we could, when we suddenly +came barking round a corner in full chase and stopped short, for we saw +that our fox had stayed his hasty flight. The fox was stooping over +something reddish that lay beside the path, and he said:</p> + +<p>"I say, look here!" in tones that thrilled us throughout.</p> + +<p>Our fox—whom we must now call Dicky, so as not to muddle the +narration—pointed to the reddy thing that the dogs were sniffing at.</p> + +<p>"It's a real live fox," he said. And so it was. At least it was +real—only it was quite dead—and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</a></span> when Oswald lifted it up its head was +bleeding. It had evidently been shot through the brain and expired +instantly. Oswald explained this to the girls when they began to cry at +the sight of the poor beast; I do not say he did not feel a bit sorry +himself.</p> + +<p>The fox was cold, but its fur was so pretty, and its tail and its little +feet. Dicky strung the dogs on the leash; they were so much interested +we thought it was better.</p> + +<p>"It does seem horrid to think it'll never see again out of its poor +little eyes" Dora said, blowing her nose.</p> + +<p>"And never run about through the wood again; lend me your hanky, Dora," +said Alice.</p> + +<p>"And never be hunted or get into a hen-roost or a trap or anything +exciting, poor little thing," said Dicky.</p> + +<p>The girls began to pick green chestnut leaves to cover up the poor fox's +fatal wound, and Noël began to walk up and down making faces, the way he +always does when he's making poetry. He cannot make one without the +other. It works both ways, which is a comfort.</p> + +<p>"What are we going to do now?" H. O. said; "the huntsman ought to cut +off its tail, I'm quite certain. Only, I've broken the big blade of my +knife, and the other never was any good."</p> + +<p>The girls gave H. O. a shove, and even Oswald said, "Shut up." For +somehow we all felt we did not want to play fox-hunting any more that +day. When his deadly wound was covered the fox hardly looked dead at +all.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Oh, I wish it wasn't true!" Alice said.</p> + +<p>Daisy had been crying all the time, and now she said, "I should like to +pray God to make it not true."</p> + +<p>But Dora kissed her, and told her that was no good—only she might pray +God to take care of the fox's poor little babies, if it had had any, +which I believe she has done ever since.</p> + +<p>"If only we could wake up and find it was a horrid dream," Alice said. +It seems silly that we should have cared so much when we had really set +out to hunt foxes with dogs, but it is true. The fox's feet looked so +helpless. And there was a dusty mark on its side that I know would not +had been there if it had been alive and able to wash itself.</p> + +<p>Noël now said, "This is the piece of poetry:</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Here lies poor Reynard who is slain,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He will not come to life again.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I never will the huntsman's horn<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Wind since the day that I was born<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Until the day I die.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For I don't like hunting, and this is why."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>"Let's have a funeral," said H. O. This pleased everybody, and we got +Dora to take off her petticoat to wrap the fox in, so that we could +carry it to our garden and bury it without bloodying our jackets. Girls' +clothes are silly in one way, but I think they are useful too. A boy +cannot take off more than his jacket and waistcoat in any emergency, or +he is at once entirely undressed. But I have known Dora take off<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</a></span> two +petticoats for useful purposes and look just the same outside +afterwards.</p> + +<p>We boys took it turns to carry the fox. It was very heavy.</p> + +<p>When we got near the edge of the wood Noël said:</p> + +<p>"It would be better to bury it here, where the leaves can talk funeral +songs over its grave forever, and the other foxes can come and cry if +they want to." He dumped the fox down on the moss under a young oak-tree +as he spoke.</p> + +<p>"If Dicky fetched the spade and fork we could bury it here, and then he +could tie up the dogs at the same time."</p> + +<p>"You're sick of carrying it," Dicky remarked, "that's what it is." But +he went on condition the rest of us boys went too.</p> + +<p>While we were gone the girls dragged the fox to the edge of the wood; it +was a different edge to the one we went in by—close to a lane—and +while they waited for the digging or fatigue party to come back, they +collected a lot of moss and green things to make the fox's long home +soft for it to lie in. There are no flowers in the woods in August, +which is a pity.</p> + +<p>When we got back with the spade and fork we dug a hole to bury the fox +in. We did not bring the dogs back, because they were too interested in +the funeral to behave with real, respectable calmness.</p> + +<p>The ground was loose and soft and easy to dig when we had scraped away +the broken bits of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</a></span> sticks and the dead leaves and the wild +honey-suckle; Oswald used the fork and Dicky had the spade. Noël made +faces and poetry—he was struck so that morning—and the girls sat +stroking the clean parts of the fox's fur till the grave was deep +enough. At last it was; then Daisy threw in the leaves and grass, and +Alice and Dora took the poor dead fox by his two ends, and we helped to +put him in the grave. We could not lower him slowly—he was dropped in, +really. Then we covered the furry body with leaves, and Noël said the +Burial Ode he had made up. He says this was it, but it sounds better now +than it did then, so I think he must have done something to it since:</p> + +<h4>THE FOX'S BURIAL ODE</h4> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Dear Fox, sleep here, and do not wake.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We picked these leaves for your sake.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">You must not try to rise or move,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">We give you this grave with our love.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Close by the wood where once you grew<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Your mourning friends have buried you.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">If you had lived you'd not have been<br /></span> +<span class="i0">(Been proper friends with us, I mean),<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But now you're laid upon the shelf,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Poor fox, you cannot help yourself,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">So, as I say, we are your loving friends<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And here your Burial Ode, dear Foxy, ends.<br /></span> +<span class="i0"><i>P.S.</i>—When in the moonlight bright<br /></span> +<span class="i0">The foxes wander of a night,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">They'll pass your grave and fondly think of you,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Exactly like we mean to always do.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">So now, dear fox, adieu!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Your friends are few<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But true<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To you.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Adieu!"<br /></span> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</a></span></div></div> + +<p>When this had been said we filled in the grave and covered the top of it +with dry leaves and sticks to make it look like the rest of the wood. +People might think it was treasure, and dig it up, if they thought there +was anything buried there, and we wished the poor fox to sleep sound and +not to be disturbed.</p> + +<p>The interring was over. We folded up Dora's blood-stained pink cotton +petticoat, and turned to leave the sad spot.</p> + +<p>We had not gone a dozen yards down the lane when we heard footsteps and +a whistle behind us, and a scrabbling and whining, and a gentleman with +two fox-terriers had called a halt just by the place where we had laid +low the "little red rover."</p> + +<p>The gentleman stood in the lane, but the dogs were digging—we could see +their tails wagging and see the dust fly. And we <i>saw where</i>. We ran +back.</p> + +<p>"Oh, please, do stop your dogs digging there!" Alice said.</p> + +<p>The gentleman said "Why?"</p> + +<p>"Because we've just had a funeral, and that's the grave."</p> + +<p>The gentleman whistled, but the fox-terriers were not trained like +Pincher, who was brought up by Oswald. The gentleman took a stride +through the hedge gap.</p> + +<p>"What have you been burying—a pet dicky bird, eh?" said the gentleman, +kindly. He had riding breeches and white whiskers.</p> + +<p>We did not answer, because now, for the first<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[Pg 192]</a></span> time, it came over all of +us, in a rush of blushes and uncomfortableness, that burying a fox is a +suspicious act. I don't know why we felt this, but we did.</p> + +<p>Noël said, dreamily:</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"We found his murdered body in the wood,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And dug a grave by which the mourners stood."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>But no one heard him except Oswald, because Alice and Dora and Daisy +were all jumping about with the jumps of unstrained anguish, and saying, +"Oh, call them off! Do! do!—oh, don't, don't! Don't let them dig!"</p> + +<p>Alas! Oswald was, as usual, right. The ground of the grave had not been +trampled down hard enough, and he had said so plainly at the time, but +his prudent counsels had been over-ruled. Now these busy-bodying, +meddling, mischief-making fox-terriers (how different from Pincher, who +minds his own business unless told otherwise) had scratched away the +earth and laid bare the reddish tip of the poor corpse's tail.</p> + +<p>We all turned to go without a word, it seemed to be no use staying any +longer.</p> + +<p>But in a moment the gentleman with the whiskers had got Noël and Dicky +each by an ear—they were nearest him. H. O. hid in the hedge. Oswald, +to whose noble breast sneakishness is, I am thankful to say, a stranger, +would have scorned to escape, but he ordered his sisters to bunk in a +tone of command which made refusal impossible.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 476px;"> +<img src="images/gs09.jpg" width="476" height="650" alt=""'WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?'"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"'WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?'"</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[Pg 193]</a></span></p> + +<p>"And bunk sharp, too," he added sternly. "Cut along home."</p> + +<p>So they cut.</p> + +<p>The white-whiskered gentleman now encouraged his mangy fox-terriers, by +every means at his command, to continue their vile and degrading +occupation; holding on all the time to the ears of Dicky and Noël, who +scorned to ask for mercy. Dicky got purple and Noël got white. It was +Oswald who said:</p> + +<p>"Don't hang on to them, sir. We won't cut. I give you my word of honor."</p> + +<p>"<i>Your</i> word of honor," said the gentleman, in tones for which, in +happier days, when people drew their bright blades and fought duels, I +would have had his heart's dearest blood. But now Oswald remained calm +and polite as ever.</p> + +<p>"Yes, on my honor," he said, and the gentleman dropped the ears of +Oswald's brothers at the sound of his firm, unserving tones. He dropped +the ears and pulled out the body of the fox and held it up. The dogs +jumped up and yelled.</p> + +<p>"Now," he said, "you talk very big about words of honor. Can you speak +the truth?"</p> + +<p>Dicky said, "If you think we shot it, you're wrong. We know better than +that."</p> + +<p>The white-whiskered one turned suddenly to H. O. and pulled him out of +the hedge.</p> + +<p>"And what does that mean?" he said, and he was pink with fury to the +ends of his large ears, as he pointed to the card on H. O.'s breast, +which said, "Moat House Fox-Hunters."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[Pg 194]</a></span></p> + +<p>Then Oswald said, "We <i>were</i> playing at fox-hunting, but we couldn't +find anything but a rabbit that hid, so my brother was being the fox, +and then we found the fox shot dead, and I don't know who did it; and we +were sorry for it and we buried it—and that's all."</p> + +<p>"Not quite," said the riding-breeches gentleman, with what I think you +call a bitter smile, "not quite. This is my land, and I'll have you up +for trespass and damage. Come along now, no nonsense! I'm a magistrate +and I'm Master of the Hounds. A vixen, too! What did you shoot her with? +You're too young to have a gun. Sneaked your father's revolver, I +suppose?"</p> + +<p>Oswald thought it was better to be goldenly silent. But it was vain. The +Master of the Hounds made him empty his pockets, and there was the +pistol and the cartridges.</p> + +<p>The magistrate laughed a harsh laugh of successful disagreeableness.</p> + +<p>"All right," said he, "where's your license? You come with me. A week or +two in prison."</p> + +<p>I don't believe now he could have done it, but we all thought then he +could and would, what's more.</p> + +<p>So H. O. began to cry, but Noël spoke up. His teeth were chattering, yet +he spoke up like a man.</p> + +<p>He said, "You don't know us. You've no right not to believe us till +you've found us out in a lie. We don't tell lies. You ask Albert's uncle +if we do."</p> + +<p>"Hold your tongue," said the White Whiskered.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[Pg 195]</a></span></p> + +<p>But Noël's blood was up.</p> + +<p>"If you do put us in prison without being sure," he said, trembling more +and more, "you are a horrible tyrant like Caligula, and Herod, or Nero, +and the Spanish Inquisition, and I will write a poem about it in prison, +and people will curse you forever."</p> + +<p>"Upon my word," said White Whiskers, "we'll see about that," and he +turned up the lane with the fox hanging from one hand and Noël's ear +once more reposing in the other.</p> + +<p>I thought Noël would cry or faint. But he bore up nobly—exactly like an +early Christian martyr.</p> + +<p>The rest of us came along too. I carried the spade and Dicky had the +fork, H. O. had the card, and Noël had the magistrate. At the end of the +lane there was Alice. She had bunked home, obeying the orders of her +thoughtful brother, but she had bottled back again like a shot, so as +not to be out of the scrape. She is almost worthy to be a boy for some +things.</p> + +<p>She spoke to Mr. Magistrate and said:</p> + +<p>"Where are you taking him?"</p> + +<p>The outraged majesty of the magistrate said, "To prison, you naughty +little girl."</p> + +<p>Alice said, "Noël will faint. Somebody once tried to take him to prison +before—about a dog. Do please come to our house and see our uncle—at +least he's not—but it's the same thing. We didn't kill the fox, if +that's what you think—indeed we didn't. Oh, dear, I do wish you'd think +of your own little boys and girls if you've got<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[Pg 196]</a></span> any, or else about when +you were little. You wouldn't be so horrid if you did."</p> + +<p>I don't know which, if either, of these objects the fox-hound master +thought of, but he said:</p> + +<p>"Well, lead on," and he let go Noël's ear and Alice snuggled up to Noël +and put her arm round him.</p> + +<p>It was a frightened procession, whose cheeks were pale with +alarm—except those between white whiskers, and they were red—that +wound in at our gate and into the hall, among the old oak furniture and +black and white marble floor and things.</p> + +<p>Dora and Daisy were at the door. The pink petticoat lay on the table, +all stained with the gore of the departed. Dora looked at us all, and +she saw that it was serious. She pulled out the big oak chair and said:</p> + +<p>"Won't you sit down?" very kindly to the white-whiskered magistrate.</p> + +<p>He grunted, but did as she said.</p> + +<p>Then he looked about him in a silence that was not comforting, and so +did we.</p> + +<p>At last he said:</p> + +<p>"Come, you didn't try to bolt. Speak the truth, and I'll say no more."</p> + +<p>We said we had.</p> + +<p>Then he laid the fox on the table, spreading out the petticoat under it, +and he took out a knife and the girls hid their faces. Even Oswald did +not care to look. Wounds in battle are all very well, but it's different +to see a dead fox cut into with a knife.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[Pg 197]</a></span></p> + +<p>Next moment the magistrate wiped something on his handkerchief and then +laid it on the table and put one of my cartridges beside it. It was the +bullet that had killed the fox.</p> + +<p>"Look here!" he said. And it was too true. The bullets were the same.</p> + +<p>A thrill of despair ran through Oswald. He knows now how a hero feels +when he is innocently accused of a crime and the judge is putting on the +black cap, and the evidence is convulsive and all human aid is despaired +of.</p> + +<p>"I can't help it," he said, "we didn't kill it, and that's all there is +to it."</p> + +<p>The white-whiskered magistrate may have been master of the fox-hounds, +but he was not master of his temper, which is more important, I should +think, than a lot of beastly dogs.</p> + +<p>He said several words which Oswald would never repeat, much less use in +his own conversing, and besides that he called us "obstinate little +beggars."</p> + +<p>Then suddenly Albert's uncle entered in the midst of a silence freighted +with despairing reflections. The M. F. H. got up and told his tale: it +was mainly lies, or, to be more polite, it was hardly any of it true, +though I suppose he believed it.</p> + +<p>"I am very sorry, sir," said Albert's uncle, looking at the bullets. +"You'll excuse my asking for the children's version?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, certainly, sir, certainly," fuming, the fox-hound magistrate +replied.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[Pg 198]</a></span></p> + +<p>Then Albert's uncle said, "Now, Oswald, I know I can trust you to speak +the exact truth."</p> + +<p>So Oswald did.</p> + +<p>Then the white-whiskered fox-master laid the bullets before Albert's +uncle, and I felt this would be a trial to his faith far worse than the +rack or the thumbscrew in the days of the Armada.</p> + +<p>And then Denny came in. He looked at the fox on the table.</p> + +<p>"You found it, then?" he said.</p> + +<p>The M. F. H. would have spoken, but Albert's uncle said, "One moment, +Denny; you've seen this fox before?"</p> + +<p>"Rather," said Denny; "I—"</p> + +<p>But Albert's uncle said, "Take time. Think before you speak and say the +exact truth. No, don't whisper to Oswald. This boy," he said to the +injured fox-master, "has been with me since seven this morning. His +tale, whatever it is, will be independent evidence."</p> + +<p>But Denny would not speak, though again and again Albert's uncle told +him to.</p> + +<p>"I can't till I've asked Oswald something," he said at last.</p> + +<p>White Whiskers said, "That looks bad—eh?"</p> + +<p>But Oswald said, "Don't whisper, old chap. Ask me whatever you like, but +speak up."</p> + +<p>So Denny said, "I can't without breaking the secret oath."</p> + +<p>So then Oswald began to see, and he said, "Break away for all you're +worth, it's all right." And Denny said, drawing relief's deepest +breath,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[Pg 199]</a></span> "Well, then, Oswald and I have got a pistol—shares—and I had +it last night. And when I couldn't sleep last night because of the +toothache I got up and went out early this morning. And I took the +pistol. And I loaded it just for fun. And down in the wood I heard a +whining like a dog, and I went, and there was the poor fox caught in an +iron trap with teeth. And I went to let it out and it bit me—look, +here's the place—and the pistol went off and the fox died, and I am so +sorry."</p> + +<p>"But why didn't you tell the others?"</p> + +<p>"They weren't awake when I went to the dentist's."</p> + +<p>"But why didn't you tell your uncle if you've been with him all the +morning?"</p> + +<p>"It was the oath," H. O. said:</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"May I be called a beastly sneak<br /></span> +<span class="i0">If this great secret I ever repeat."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>White Whiskers actually grinned.</p> + +<p>"Well," he said, "I see it was an accident, my boy." Then he turned to +us and said:</p> + +<p>"I owe you an apology for doubting your word—all of you. I hope it's +accepted."</p> + +<p>We said it was all right and he was to never mind.</p> + +<p>But all the same we hated him for it. He tried to make up for his +unbelievingness afterwards by asking Albert's uncle to shoot rabbits; +but we did not really forgive him till the day when he sent the fox's +brush to Alice, mounted in silver, with a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[Pg 200]</a></span> note about her plucky conduct +in standing by her brothers.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>We got a lecture about not playing with firearms, but no punishment, +because our conduct had not been exactly sinful, Albert's uncle said, +but merely silly.</p> + +<p>The pistol and the cartridges were confiscated.</p> + +<p>I hope the house will never be attacked by burglars. When it is, +Albert's uncle will only have himself to thank if we are rapidly +overpowered, because it will be his fault that we shall have to meet +them totally unarmed, and be their almost unresisting prey.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[Pg 201]</a></span></p> +<h2>THE SALE OF ANTIQUITIES</h2> + +<div class="drop"> +<img src="images/drop_i3.jpg" width="127" height="125" alt="I" class="cap" /> + +<p class="cap_1">It began one morning at breakfast. It was the fifteenth of August—the +birthday of Napoleon the Great, Oswald Bastable, and another very nice +writer. Oswald was to keep his birthday on the Saturday, so that his +father could be there. A birthday when there are only many happy returns +is a little like Sunday or Christmas Eve. Oswald had a birthday-card or +two—that was all; but he did not repine, because he knew they always +make it up to you for putting off keeping your birthday, and he looked +forward to Saturday.</p></div> + +<p>Albert's uncle had a whole stack of letters as usual, and presently he +tossed one over to Dora, and said, "What do you say, little lady? Shall +we let them come?"</p> + +<p>But Dora, butter-fingered as ever, missed the catch, and Dick and Noël +both had a try for it, so that the letter went into the place where the +bacon had been, and where now only a frozen-looking lake of bacon fat +was slowly hardening, and then somehow it got into the marmalade, and +then H. O. got it, and Dora said:</p> + +<p>"I don't want the nasty thing now—all grease and stickiness." So H. O. +read it aloud:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[Pg 202]</a></span></p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"<span class="smcap">Maidstone Society of Antiquities and Field Club</span>,</p> + +<p class="right">"<i>Aug. 14, 1900.</i></p> + +<p>"<span class="smcap">Dear Sir</span>,—At a meeting of the—"</p></div> + +<p>H. O. stuck fast here, and the writing was really very bad, like a +spider that has been in the inkpot crawling in a hurry over the paper +without stopping to rub its feet properly on the mat. So Oswald took the +letter. He is above minding a little marmalade or bacon. He began to +read. It ran thus:</p> + +<p>"It's not Antiquities, you little silly," he said; "it's <i>Antiquaries</i>."</p> + +<p>"The other's a very good word," said Albert's uncle, "and I never call +names at breakfast myself—it upsets the digestion, my egregious +Oswald."</p> + +<p>"That's a name though," said Alice, "and you got it out of 'Stalky,' +too. Go on, Oswald."</p> + +<p>So Oswald went on where he had been interrupted:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"<span class="smcap">Maidstone Society of Antiquaries and Field Club</span>,</p> + +<p class="right">"<i>Aug. 14, 1900.</i></p> + +<p>"<span class="smcap">Dear Sir</span>,—At a meeting of the Committee of this Society it +was agreed that a field day should be held on Aug. 20, when +the Society proposes to visit the interesting church of +Ivybridge and also the Roman remains in the vicinity. Our +president, Mr. Longchamps, F.R.S., has obtained permission +to open a barrow in the Three Trees pasture. We venture to +ask whether you would allow the members of the Society to +walk through your grounds and to inspect—from without, of +course—your beautiful house, which is, as you are doubtless +aware, of great historic interest, having been for some +years the residence of the celebrated Sir Thomas Wyatt.—I +am, dear Sir, yours faithfully,</p> + +<p class="right">"<span class="smcap">Edward K. Turnbull</span> (<i>Hon. Sec.</i>)."</p></div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[Pg 203]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Just so," said Albert's uncle; "well, shall we permit the eye of the +Maidstone Antiquities to profane these sacred solitudes, and the foot of +the Field Club to kick up a dust on our gravel?"</p> + +<p>"Our gravel is all grass," H. O. said. And the girls said, "Oh, do let +them come!" It was Alice who said:</p> + +<p>"Why not ask them to tea? They'll be very tired coming all the way from +Maidstone."</p> + +<p>"Would you really like it?" Albert's uncle asked. "I'm afraid they'll be +but dull dogs, the Antiquities, stuffy old gentlemen with amphoræ in +their button-holes instead of orchids, and pedigrees poking out of all +their pockets."</p> + +<p>We laughed—because we knew what an amphoræ is. If you don't you might +look it up in the dicker. It's not a flower, though it sounds like one +out of the gardening book, the kind you never hear of any one growing.</p> + +<p>Dora said she thought it would be splendid.</p> + +<p>"And we could have out the best china," she said, "and decorate the +table with flowers. We could have tea in the garden. We've never had a +party since we've been here."</p> + +<p>"I warn you that your guests may be boresome; however, have it your own +way," Albert's uncle said; and he went off to write the invitation to +tea to the Maidstone Antiquities. I know that is the wrong word—but +somehow we all used it whenever we spoke of them, which was often.</p> + +<p>In a day or two Albert's uncle came in to tea with a lightly clouded +brow.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[Pg 204]</a></span></p> + +<p>"You've let me in for a nice thing," he said. "I asked the Antiquities +to tea, and I asked casually how many we might expect. I thought we +might need at least the full dozen of the best teacups. Now the +secretary writes accepting my kind invitation—"</p> + +<p>"Oh, good!" we cried. "And how many are coming?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, only about sixty," was the groaning rejoinder. "Perhaps more, +should the weather be exceptionally favorable."</p> + +<p>Though stunned at first, we presently decided that we were pleased. We +had never, never given such a big party.</p> + +<p>The girls were allowed to help in the kitchen, where Mrs. Pettigrew made +cakes all day long without stopping. They did not let us boys be there, +though I cannot see any harm in putting your finger in a cake before it +is baked, and then licking your finger, if you are careful to put a +different finger in the cake next time. Cake before it is baked is +delicious—like a sort of cream.</p> + +<p>Albert's uncle said he was the prey of despair. He drove in to Maidstone +one day. When we asked him where he was going, he said:</p> + +<p>"To get my hair cut: if I keep it this length I shall certainly tear it +out by double handfuls in the extremity of my anguish every time I think +of those innumerable Antiquities."</p> + +<p>But we found out afterwards that he really went to borrow china and +things to give the Antiquities<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[Pg 205]</a></span> their tea out of; though he did have his +hair cut too, because he is the soul of truth and honor.</p> + +<p>Oswald had a very good sort of birthday, with bows and arrows as well as +other presents. I think these were meant to make up for the pistol that +was taken away after the adventure of the fox-hunting. These gave us +boys something to do between the birthday-keeping, which was on the +Saturday, and the Wednesday when the Antiquities were to come.</p> + +<p>We did not allow the girls to play with the bows and arrows, because +they had the cakes that we were cut off from: there was little or no +unpleasantness over this.</p> + +<p>On the Tuesday we went down to look at the Roman place where the +Antiquities were going to dig. We sat on the Roman wall and ate nuts. +And as we sat there, we saw coming through the beet-field two laborers +with picks and shovels, and a very young man with thin legs and a +bicycle. It turned out afterwards to be a free wheel, the first we had +ever seen.</p> + +<p>They stopped at a mound inside the Roman wall, and the men took their +coats off and spat on their hands.</p> + +<p>We went down at once, of course. The thin-legged bicyclist explained his +machine to us very fully and carefully when we asked him, and then we +saw the men were cutting turfs and turning them over and rolling them +up, and putting them in a heap. So we asked the gentleman with his thin +legs what they were doing. He said:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[Pg 206]</a></span></p> + +<p>"They are beginning the preliminary excavation in readiness for +to-morrow."</p> + +<p>"What's up to-morrow?" H. O. asked.</p> + +<p>"To-morrow we propose to open this barrow and examine it."</p> + +<p>"Then <i>you're</i> the Antiquities," said H. O.</p> + +<p>"I'm the secretary," said the gentleman, smiling, but narrowly.</p> + +<p>"Oh, you're all coming to tea with us," Dora said, and added anxiously, +"how many of you do you think there'll be?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, not more than eighty or ninety, I should think," replied the +gentleman.</p> + +<p>This took our breath away and we went home. As we went, Oswald, who +notices many things that would pass unobserved by the light and +careless, saw Denny frowning hard.</p> + +<p>So he said, "What's up?"</p> + +<p>"I've got an idea," the Dentist said. "Let's call a council." The +Dentist had grown quite used to our ways now. We had called him Dentist +ever since the fox-hunt day. He called a council as if he had been used +to calling such things all his life, and having them come, too; whereas +we all know that his former existing was that of a white mouse in a +trap, with that cat of a Murdstone aunt watching him through the bars.</p> + +<p>(That is what is called a figure of speech. Albert's uncle told me.)</p> + +<p>Councils are held in the straw-loft.</p> + +<p>As soon as we were all there and the straw had stopped rustling after +our sitting down, Dicky said:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[Pg 207]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I hope it's nothing to do with the Wouldbegoods?"</p> + +<p>"No," said Denny in a hurry: "quite the opposite."</p> + +<p>"I hope it's nothing wrong," said Dora and Daisy together.</p> + +<p>"It's—it's 'Hail to thee, blithe spirit—bird thou never wert,'" said +Denny. "I mean, I think it's what is called a lark."</p> + +<p>"You never know your luck. Go on, Dentist," said Dick.</p> + +<p>"Well, then, do you know a book called <i>The Daisy Chain</i>?"</p> + +<p>We didn't.</p> + +<p>"It's by Miss Charlotte M. Yonge," Daisy interrupted, "and it's about a +family of poor motherless children who tried so hard to be good, and +they were confirmed, and had a bazaar, and went to church at the +Minster, and one of them got married and wore black watered silk and +silver ornaments. So her baby died, and then she was sorry she had not +been a good mother to it. And—"</p> + +<p>Here Dicky got up and said he'd got some snares to attend to, and he'd +receive a report of the Council after it was over. But he only got as +far as the trap-door, and then Oswald, the fleet of foot, closed with +him, and they rolled together on the floor—while all the others called +out "Come back! Come back!" like guinea-hens on a fence.</p> + +<p>Through the rustle and bustle and hustle of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[Pg 208]</a></span> the struggle with Dicky, +Oswald heard the voice of Denny murmuring one of his everlasting +quotations:</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"'Come back, come back!' he cried in Greek,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">'Across the stormy water,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And I'll forgive your Highland cheek,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">My daughter, O my daughter!'"<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>When quiet was restored and Dicky had agreed to go through with the +Council, Denny said:</p> + +<p>"<i>The Daisy Chain</i> is not a bit like that really. It's a ripping book. +One of the boys dresses up like a lady and comes to call, and another +tries to hit his little sister with a hoe. It's jolly fine, I tell you."</p> + +<p>Denny is learning to say what he thinks, just like other boys. He would +never have learned such words as "ripping" and "jolly fine" while under +the auntal tyranny.</p> + +<p>Since then I have read <i>The Daisy Chain</i>. It is a first-rate book for +girls and little boys.</p> + +<p>But we did not want to talk about <i>The Daisy Chain</i> just then, so Oswald +said:</p> + +<p>"But what's your lark?"</p> + +<p>Denny got pale pink and said:</p> + +<p>"Don't hurry me. I'll tell you directly. Let me think a minute."</p> + +<p>Then he shut his pale pink eyelids a moment in thought, and then opened +them and stood up on the straw and said very fast:</p> + +<p>"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears, or if not ears, pots. +You know we've been told that they are going to open the barrow,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[Pg 209]</a></span> to +look for Roman remains to-morrow. Don't you think it seems a pity they +shouldn't find any?"</p> + +<p>"Perhaps they will," Dora said. But Oswald <i>saw</i>, and he said, "Primus! +Go ahead, old man."</p> + +<p>The Dentist went ahead.</p> + +<p>"In <i>The Daisy Chain</i>," he said, "they dug in a Roman encampment, and +the children went first and put some pottery there they'd made +themselves, and Harry's old medal of the Duke of Wellington. The doctor +helped them to some stuff to partly efface the inscription, and all the +grown-ups were sold. I thought we might:</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"You may break, you may shatter<br /></span> +<span class="i2">The vase if you will;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But the scent of the Romans<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Will cling round it still."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>Denny sat down amid applause. It really was a great idea, at least for +<i>him</i>. It seemed to add just what was wanted to the visit of the +Maidstone Antiquities. To sell the Antiquities thoroughly would be +indeed splendiferous. Of course, Dora made haste to point out that we +had not got an old medal of the Duke of Wellington, and that we hadn't +any doctor who would "help us to stuff to efface," and etcetera; but we +sternly bade her stow it. We weren't going to do <i>exactly</i> like those +<i>Daisy Chain</i> kids.</p> + +<p>The pottery was easy. We had made a lot of it by the stream—which was +the Nile when we discovered its source—and dried it in the sun, and +then baked it under a bonfire, like in <i>Foul<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[Pg 210]</a></span> Play</i>. And most of the +things were such queer shapes that they would have done for almost +anything—Roman or Greek, or even Egyptian or antediluvian, or household +milk-jugs of the cave-men, Albert's uncle said. The pots were, +fortunately, quite ready and dirty, because we had already buried them +in mixed sand and river mud to improve the color, and not remembered to +wash it off.</p> + +<p>So the Council at once collected it all—and some rusty hinges and some +brass buttons and a file without a handle; and the girl Councillors +carried it all concealed in their pinafores, while the men members +carried digging tools. H. O. and Daisy were sent on ahead as scouts to +see if the coast was clear. We have learned the true usefulness of +scouts from reading about the Transvaal War. But all was still in the +hush of evening sunset on the Roman ruin.</p> + +<p>We posted sentries, who were to lie on their stomachs on the walls and +give a long, low, signifying whistle if aught approached.</p> + +<p>Then we dug a tunnel, like the one we once did after treasure, when we +happened to bury a boy. It took some time; but never shall it be said +that a Bastable grudged time or trouble when a lark was at stake. We put +the things in as naturally as we could, and shoved the dirt back, till +everything looked just as before. Then we went home, late for tea. But +it was in a good cause; and there was no hot toast, only +bread-and-butter, which does not get cold with waiting.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[Pg 211]</a></span></p> + +<p>That night Alice whispered to Oswald on the stairs, as we went up to +bed:</p> + +<p>"Meet me outside your door when the others are asleep. Hist! Not a +word."</p> + +<p>Oswald said, "No kid?"</p> + +<p>And she replied in the affirmation.</p> + +<p>So he kept awake by biting his tongue and pulling his hair—for he +shrinks from no pain if it is needful and right.</p> + +<p>And when the others all slept the sleep of innocent youth, he got up and +went out, and there was Alice dressed.</p> + +<p>She said, "I've found some broken things that look ever so much more +Roman—they were on top of the cupboard in the library. If you'll come +with me, we'll bury them—just to see how surprised the others will be."</p> + +<p>It was a wild and daring act, but Oswald did not mind.</p> + +<p>He said:</p> + +<p>"Wait half a shake." And he put on his knickerbockers and jacket, and +slipped a few peppermints into his pocket in case of catching cold. It +is these thoughtful expedients which mark the born explorer and +adventurer.</p> + +<p>It <i>was</i> a little cold; but the white moonlight was very fair to see, +and we decided we'd do some other daring moonlight act some other day. +We got out of the front door, which is never locked till Albert's uncle +goes to bed at twelve or one, and we ran swiftly and silently across the +bridge and through the fields to the Roman ruin.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[Pg 212]</a></span></p> + +<p>Alice told me afterwards she should have been afraid if it had been +dark. But the moonlight made it as bright as day is in your dreams.</p> + +<p>Oswald had taken the spade and a sheet of newspaper.</p> + +<p>We did not take all the pots Alice had found—but just the two that +weren't broken—two crooked jugs, made of stuff like flower-pots are +made of. We made two long cuts with the spade and lifted the turf up and +scratched the earth under, and took it out very carefully in handfuls on +to the newspaper, till the hole was deepish. Then we put in the jugs, +and filled it up with earth and flattened the turf over. Turf stretches +like elastic. This we did a couple of yards from the place where the +mound was dug into by the men, and we had been so careful with the +newspaper that there was no loose earth about.</p> + +<p>Then we went home in the wet moonlight—at least, the grass was very +wet—chuckling through the peppermint, and got up to bed without any one +knowing a single thing about it.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 492px;"> +<img src="images/gs10.jpg" width="492" height="650" alt=""THEN WE PUT IN THE JUGS AND FILLED IT UP WITH EARTH"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"THEN WE PUT IN THE JUGS AND FILLED IT UP WITH EARTH"</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[Pg 213]</a></span></p> + +<p>The next day the Antiquities came. It was a jolly hot day, and the +tables were spread under the trees on the lawn, like a large and very +grand Sunday-school treat. There were dozens of different kinds of cake, +and bread-and-butter, both white and brown, and gooseberries and plums +and jam sandwiches. And the girls decorated the tables with +flowers—blue larkspur and white canterbury bells. And at about three +there was a noise of people walking in the road, and presently the +Antiquities began to come in at the front gate, and stood about on the +lawn by twos and threes and sixes and sevens, looking shy and uncomfy, +exactly like a Sunday-school treat. Presently some gentlemen came, who +looked like the teachers; they were not shy, and they came right up to +the door. So Albert's uncle, who had not been too proud to be up in our +room with us watching the people on the lawn through the netting of our +short blinds, said:</p> + +<p>"I suppose that's the Committee. Come on!"</p> + +<p>So we all went down—we were in our Sunday things—and Albert's uncle +received the Committee like a feudal system baron, and we were his +retainers.</p> + +<p>He talked about dates, and king-posts and gables, and mullions, and +foundations, and records, and Sir Thomas Wyatt, and poetry, and Julius +Cæsar, and Roman remains, and lych-gates and churches, and dog's-tooth +moulding till the brain of Oswald reeled. I suppose that Albert's uncle +remarked that all our mouths were open, which is a sign of reels in the +brain, for he whispered:</p> + +<p>"Go hence, and mingle unsuspected with the crowd!"</p> + +<p>So we went out on to the lawn, which was now crowded with men and women +and one child. This was a girl; she was fat, and we tried to talk to +her, though we did not like her. (She was covered in red velvet like an +arm-chair.) But she wouldn't. We thought at first she was from a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[Pg 214]</a></span> +deaf-and-dumb asylum, where her kind teachers had only managed to teach +the afflicted to say "Yes" and "No." But afterwards we knew better, for +Noël heard her say to her mother, "I wish you hadn't brought me, mamma. +I didn't have a pretty teacup, and I haven't enjoyed my tea one bit." +And she had had five pieces of cake, besides little cakes and nearly a +whole plate of plums, and there were only twelve pretty teacups +altogether.</p> + +<p>Several grown-ups talked to us in a most uninterested way, and then the +President read a paper about the Moat House, which we couldn't +understand, and other people made speeches we couldn't understand +either, except the part about kind hospitality, which made us not know +where to look.</p> + +<p>Then Dora and Alice and Daisy and Mrs. Pettigrew poured out the tea, and +we handed cups and plates.</p> + +<p>Albert's uncle took me behind a bush to see him tear what was left of +his hair when he found there were one hundred and twenty-three +Antiquities present, and I heard the President say to the Secretary that +"tea always fetched them."</p> + +<p>Then it was time for the Roman ruin, and our hearts beat high as we took +our hats—it was exactly like Sunday—and joined the crowded procession +of eager Antiquities. Many of them had umbrellas and overcoats, though +the weather was fiery and without a cloud. That is the sort of people +they were. The ladies all wore stiff bonnets,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[Pg 215]</a></span> and no one took their +gloves off, though, of course, it was quite in the country, and it is +not wrong to take your gloves off there.</p> + +<p>We had planned to be quite close when the digging went on; but Albert's +uncle made us a mystic sign and drew us apart.</p> + +<p>Then he said: "The stalls and dress-circle are for the guests. The hosts +and hostesses retire to the gallery, whence, I am credibly informed, an +excellent view may be obtained."</p> + +<p>So we all went up on the Roman walls, and thus missed the cream of the +lark; for we could not exactly see what was happening. But we saw that +things were being taken from the ground as the men dug, and passed round +for the Antiquities to look at. And we knew they must be our Roman +remains: but the Antiquities did not seem to care for them much, though +we heard sounds of pleased laughter. And at last Alice and I exchanged +meaning glances when the spot was reached where we had put in the +extras. Then the crowd closed up thick, and we heard excited talk and we +knew we really <i>had</i> sold the Antiquities this time.</p> + +<p>Presently the bonnets and coats began to spread out and trickle towards +the house, and we were aware that all would soon be over. So we cut home +the back way, just in time to hear the President saying to Albert's +uncle:</p> + +<p>"A genuine find—most interesting. Oh, really, you ought to have <i>one</i>. +Well, if you insist—"</p> + +<p>And so, by slow and dull degrees, the thick<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[Pg 216]</a></span> sprinkling of Antiquities +melted off the lawn; the party was over, and only the dirty teacups and +plates, and the trampled grass and the pleasures of memory were left.</p> + +<p>We had a very beautiful supper—out-of-doors, too—with jam sandwiches +and cake and things that were over; and as we watched the setting +monarch of the skies—I mean the sun—Alice said:</p> + +<p>"Let's tell."</p> + +<p>We let the Dentist tell, because it was he who hatched the lark, but we +helped him a little in the narrating of the fell plot, because he has +yet to learn how to tell a story straight from the beginning.</p> + +<p>When he had done, and we had done, Albert's uncle said, "Well, it amused +you; and you'll be glad to learn that it amused your friends the +Antiquities."</p> + +<p>"Didn't they think they were Roman?" Daisy said; "they did in <i>The Daisy +Chain</i>."</p> + +<p>"Not in the least," said Albert's uncle; "but the Treasurer and +Secretary were charmed by your ingenious preparations for their +reception."</p> + +<p>"We didn't want them to be disappointed," said Dora.</p> + +<p>"They weren't," said Albert's uncle. "Steady on with those plums, H. O. +A little way beyond the treasure you had prepared for them they found +two specimens of <i>real</i> Roman pottery which sent every man-jack of them +home thanking<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[Pg 217]</a></span> his stars he had been born a happy little Antiquary +child."</p> + +<p>"Those were <i>our</i> jugs," said Alice, "and we really <i>have</i> sold the +Antiquities." She unfolded the tale about our getting the jugs and +burying them in the moonlight, and the mound; and the others listened +with deeply respectful interest. "We really have done it this time, +haven't we?" she added in tones of well-deserved triumph.</p> + +<p>But Oswald had noticed a queer look about Albert's uncle from almost the +beginning of Alice's recital; and he now had the sensation of something +being up, which has on other occasions frozen his noble blood. The +silence of Albert's uncle now froze it yet more Arcticly.</p> + +<p>"Haven't we?" repeated Alice, unconscious of what her sensitive +brother's delicate feelings had ahead got hold of. "We have done it this +time, haven't we?"</p> + +<p>"Since you ask me thus pointedly," answered Albert's uncle at last, "I +cannot but confess that I think you have indeed done it. Those pots on +the top of the library cupboard <i>are</i> Roman pottery. The amphoræ which +you hid in the mound are probably—I can't say for certain, +mind—priceless. They are the property of the owner of this house. You +have taken them out and buried them. The President of the Maidstone +Antiquarian Society has taken them away in his bag. Now what are you +going to do?"</p> + +<p>Alice and I did not know what to say, or where to look. The others added +to our pained position<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[Pg 218]</a></span> by some ungenerous murmurs about our not being +so jolly clever as we thought ourselves.</p> + +<p>There was a very far from pleasing silence. Then Oswald got up. He said:</p> + +<p>"Alice, come here a sec., I want to speak to you."</p> + +<p>As Albert's uncle had offered no advice, Oswald disdained to ask him for +any.</p> + +<p>Alice got up too, and she and Oswald went into the garden, and sat down +on the bench under the quince-tree, and wished they had never tried to +have a private lark of their very own with the Antiquities—"A Private +Sale," Albert's uncle called it afterwards. But regrets, as nearly +always happens, were vain. Something had to be done.</p> + +<p>But what?</p> + +<p>Oswald and Alice sat in silent desperateness, and the voices of the gay +and careless others came to them from the lawn, where, heartless in +their youngness, they were playing tag. I don't know how they could. +Oswald would not like to play tag when his brother and sister were in a +hole, but Oswald is an exception to some boys. But Dicky told me +afterwards he thought it was only a joke of Albert's uncle's.</p> + +<p>The dusk grew dusker, till you could hardly tell the quinces from the +leaves, and Alice and Oswald still sat exhausted with hard thinking, but +they could not think of anything. And it grew so dark that the moonlight +began to show.</p> + +<p>Then Alice jumped up—just as Oswald was<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[Pg 219]</a></span> opening his mouth to say the +same thing—and said, "Of course—how silly! I know. Come on in, +Oswald."</p> + +<p>And they went on in.</p> + +<p>Oswald was still far too proud to consult any one else. But he just +asked carelessly if Alice and he might go into Maidstone the next day to +buy some wire-netting for a rabbit-hutch, and to see after one or two +things.</p> + +<p>Albert's uncle said certainly. And they went by train with the bailiff +from the farm, who was going in about some sheep-dip and to buy pigs. At +any other time Oswald would not have been able to bear to leave the +bailiff without seeing the pigs bought. But now it was different. For he +and Alice had the weight on their bosoms of being thieves without having +meant it—and nothing, not even pigs, had power to charm the young but +honorable Oswald till that stain had been wiped away.</p> + +<p>So he took Alice to the Secretary of the Maidstone Antiquities' house, +and Mr. Turnbull was out, but the maid-servant kindly told us where the +President lived, and ere long the trembling feet of the unfortunate +brother and sister vibrated on the spotless gravel of Camperdown Villa.</p> + +<p>When they asked, they were told that Mr. Longchamps was at home. Then +they waited, paralyzed with undescribed emotions, in a large room with +books and swords and glass book-cases with rotten-looking odds and ends +in them. Mr. Longchamps was a collector. That means he<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[Pg 220]</a></span> stuck to +anything, no matter how ugly and silly, if only it was old.</p> + +<p>He came in rubbing his hands, and very kind. He remembered us very well, +he said, and asked what he could do for us.</p> + +<p>Oswald for once was dumb. He could not find words in which to own +himself the ass he had been.</p> + +<p>But Alice was less delicately moulded. She said:</p> + +<p>"Oh, if you please, we are most awfully sorry, and we hope you'll +forgive us, but we thought it would be such a pity for you and all the +other poor dear Antiquities to come all that way and then find nothing +Roman—so we put some pots and things in the barrow for you to find."</p> + +<p>"So I perceived," said the President, stroking his white beard and +smiling most agreeably at us; "a harmless joke, my dear! Youth's the +season for jesting. There's no harm done—pray think no more about it. +It's very honorable of you to come and apologize, I'm sure."</p> + +<p>His brow began to wear the furrowed, anxious look of one who would fain +be rid of his guests and get back to what he was doing before they +interrupted him.</p> + +<p>Alice said, "We didn't come for that. It's <i>much</i> worse. Those were two +<i>real</i> true Roman jugs you took away; we put them there; they aren't +ours. We didn't know they were real Roman. We wanted to sell the +Antiquities—I mean Antiquaries—and we were sold ourselves."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[Pg 221]</a></span></p> + +<p>"This is serious," said the gentleman. "I suppose you'd know the—the +'jugs' if you saw them again?"</p> + +<p>"Anywhere," said Oswald, with the confidential rashness of one who does +not know what he is talking about.</p> + +<p>Mr. Longchamps opened the door of a little room leading out of the one +we were in, and beckoned us to follow. We found ourselves amid shelves +and shelves of pottery of all sorts; and two whole shelves—small +ones—were filled with the sort of jug we wanted.</p> + +<p>"Well," said the President, with a veiled, menacing sort of smile, like +a wicked cardinal, "which is it?"</p> + +<p>Oswald said, "I don't know."</p> + +<p>Alice said, "I should know if I had it in my hand."</p> + +<p>The President patiently took the jugs down one after another, and Alice +tried to look inside them. And one after another she shook her head and +gave them back.</p> + +<p>At last she said, "You didn't <i>wash</i> them?"</p> + +<p>Mr. Longchamps shuddered and said "No."</p> + +<p>"Then," said Alice, "there is something written with lead-pencil inside +both the jugs. I wish I hadn't. I would rather you didn't read it. I +didn't know it would be a nice old gentleman like you would find it. I +thought it would be the younger gentleman with the thin legs and the +narrow smile."</p> + +<p>"Mr. Turnbull." The President seemed to recognize<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[Pg 222]</a></span> the description +unerringly. "Well, well—boys will be boys—girls, I mean. I won't be +angry. Look at all the 'jugs' and see if you can find yours."</p> + +<p>Alice did—and the next one she looked at she said, "This is one"—and +two jugs further on she said, "This is the other."</p> + +<p>"Well," the President said, "these are certainly the specimens which I +obtained yesterday. If your uncle will call on me I will return them to +him. But it's a disappointment. Yes. I think you must let me look +inside."</p> + +<p>He did. And at the first one he said nothing. At the second he laughed.</p> + +<p>"Well, well," he said, "we can't expect old heads on young shoulders. +You're not the first who went forth to shear and returned shorn. Nor, it +appears, am I. Next time you have a Sale of Antiquities, take care that +you yourself are not 'sold.' Good-day to you, my dear. Don't let the +incident prey on your mind," he said to Alice. "Bless your heart, I was +a boy once myself, unlikely as you may think it. Good-bye."</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>We were in time to see the pigs bought, after all.</p> + +<p>I asked Alice what on earth it was she'd scribbled inside the beastly +jugs, and she owned that just to make the lark complete she had written +"Sucks" in one of the jugs, and "Sold again, silly," in the other.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 585px;"> +<img src="images/gs11.jpg" width="585" height="600" alt=""'I THINK YOU MUST LET ME LOOK INSIDE'"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"'I THINK YOU MUST LET ME LOOK INSIDE'"</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[Pg 223]</a></span></p> + +<p>But we know well enough who it was that was sold. And if ever we have +any Antiquities to tea again, they sha'n't find so much as a Greek +waistcoat button if we can help it.</p> + +<p>Unless it's the President, for he did not behave at all badly. For a man +of his age I think he behaved exceedingly well. Oswald can picture a +very different scene having been enacted over those rotten pots if the +President had been an otherwise sort of man.</p> + +<p>But that picture is not pleasing, so Oswald will not distress you by +drawing it for you. You can most likely do it easily for yourself.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[Pg 224]</a></span></p> +<h2>THE BENEVOLENT BAR</h2> + +<div class="drop"> +<img src="images/drop_t3.jpg" width="129" height="125" alt="T" class="cap" /> + + +<p class="cap_1">The tramp was very dusty about the feet and legs, and his clothes were +very ragged and dirty, but he had cheerful twinkly gray eyes, and he +touched his cap to the girls when he spoke to us, though a little as +though he would rather not.</p> +</div> + +<p>We were on the top of the big wall of the Roman ruin in the Three Tree +pasture. We had just concluded a severe siege with bows and arrows—the +ones that were given us to make up for the pistol that was confiscated +after the sad but not sinful occasion when it shot a fox.</p> + +<p>To avoid accidents that you would be sorry for afterwards, Oswald, in +his thoughtfulness, had decreed that every one was to wear wire masks.</p> + +<p>Luckily there were plenty of these, because a man who lived in the Moat +House once went to Rome, where they throw hundreds and thousands at each +other in play, and call it a Comfit Battle or Battaglia di Confetti +(that's real Italian). And he wanted to get up that sort of thing among +the village people—but they were too beastly slack, so he chucked it.</p> + +<p>And in the attic were the wire masks he brought<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[Pg 225]</a></span> home with him from +Rome, which people wear to prevent the nasty comfits getting in their +mouths and eyes.</p> + +<p>So we were all armed to the teeth with masks and arrows, but in +attacking or defending a fort your real strength is not in your +equipment, but in your power of Shove. Oswald, Alice, Noël and Denny +defended the fort. We were much the strongest side, but that was how +Dicky and Oswald picked up.</p> + +<p>The others got in, it is true, but that was only because an arrow hit +Dicky on the nose, and it bled quarts as usual, though hit only through +the wire mask. Then he put into dock for repairs, and while the +defending party weren't looking he sneaked up the wall at the back and +shoved Oswald off, and fell on top of him, so that the fort, now that it +had lost its gallant young leader, the life and soul of the besieged +party, was of course soon overpowered and had to surrender.</p> + +<p>Then we sat on the top and ate some peppermints Albert's uncle brought +us a bag of from Maidstone when he went to fetch away the Roman pottery +we tried to sell the Antiquities with.</p> + +<p>The battle was over, and peace raged among us as we sat in the sun on +the big wall and looked at the fields, all blue and swimming in the +heat.</p> + +<p>We saw the tramp coming through the beet-field. He made a dusty blot on +the fair scene.</p> + +<p>When he saw us he came close to the wall, and touched his cap, as I have +said, and remarked:</p> + +<p>"Excuse me interrupting of your sports, young<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[Pg 226]</a></span> gentlemen and ladies, but +if you could so far oblige as to tell a laboring man the way to the +nearest pub. It's a dry day and no error."</p> + +<p>"The 'Rose and Crown' is the best pub," said Dicky, "and the landlady is +a friend of ours. It's about a mile if you go by the field path."</p> + +<p>"Lor' love a duck!" said the tramp, "a mile's a long way, and walking's +a dry job this ere weather."</p> + +<p>We said we agreed with him.</p> + +<p>"Upon my sacred," said the tramp, "if there was a pump handy I believe +I'd take a turn at it—I would indeed, so help me if I wouldn't! Though +water always upsets me and makes my 'and shaky."</p> + +<p>We had not cared much about tramps since the adventure of the villainous +sailor-man and the Tower of Mystery, but we had the dogs on the wall +with us (Lady was awfully difficult to get up, on account of her long +deer-hound legs), and the position was a strong one, and easy to defend. +Besides, the tramp did not look like that bad sailor, nor talk like it. +And we considerably out-numbered the tramps, anyway.</p> + +<p>Alice nudged Oswald and said something about Sir Philip Sidney and the +tramp's need being greater than his, so Oswald was obliged to go to the +hole in the top of the wall where we store provisions during sieges, and +get out the bottle of ginger-beer which he had gone without when the +others had theirs so as to drink it when he got really thirsty.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[Pg 227]</a></span></p> + +<p>Meanwhile Alice said:</p> + +<p>"We've got some ginger-beer; my brother's getting it. I hope you won't +mind drinking out of our glass. We can't wash it, you know—unless we +rinse it out with a little ginger-beer."</p> + +<p>"Don't ye do it, miss," he said, eagerly; "never waste good liquor on +washing."</p> + +<p>The glass was beside us on the wall. Oswald filled it with ginger-beer +and handed down the foaming tankard to the tramp. He had to lie on his +young stomach to do this.</p> + +<p>The tramp was really quite polite—one of Nature's gentlemen, and a man +as well, we found out afterwards. He said:</p> + +<p>"Here's to you!" before he drank. Then he drained the glass till the rim +rested on his nose.</p> + +<p>"Swelp me, but I <i>was</i> dry," he said. "Don't seem to matter much what it +is, this weather, do it? so long as it's suthink wet. Well, here's +thanking you."</p> + +<p>"You're very welcome," said Dora; "I'm glad you liked it."</p> + +<p>"Like it?" said he. "I don't suppose you know what it's like to have a +thirst on you. Talk of free schools and free libraries, and free baths +and wash-houses and such! Why don't some one start free <i>drinks</i>? He'd +be a 'ero, he would. I'd vote for him any day of the week and one over. +Ef yer don't objec I'll set down a bit and put on a pipe."</p> + +<p>He sat down on the grass and began to smoke. We asked him questions +about himself, and he told us many of his secret sorrows—especially +about<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[Pg 228]</a></span> there being no work nowadays for an honest man. At last he +dropped asleep in the middle of a story about a vestry he worked for +that hadn't acted fair and square by him like he had by them, or it (I +don't know if vestry is singular or plural), and we went home. But +before we went we held a hurried council and collected what money we +could from the little we had with us (it was ninepence halfpenny), and +wrapped it in an old envelope Dicky had in his pocket and put it gently +on the billowing middle of the poor tramp's sleeping waistcoat, so that +he would find it when he woke. None of the dogs said a single syllable +while we were doing this, so we knew they believed him to be poor but +honest, and we always find it safe to take their word for things like +that.</p> + +<p>As we went home a brooding silence fell upon us; we found out afterwards +that those words of the poor tramp's about free drinks had sunk deep in +all our hearts, and rankled there.</p> + +<p>After dinner we went out and sat with our feet in the stream. People +tell you it makes your grub disagree with you to do this just after +meals, but it never hurts us. There is a fallen willow across the stream +that just seats the eight of us, only the ones at the end can't get +their feet into the water properly because of the bushes, so we keep +changing places. We had got some liquorice root to chew. This helps +thought. Dora broke a peaceful silence with this speech:</p> + +<p>"Free drinks."</p> + +<p>The words awoke a response in every breast.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[Pg 229]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I wonder some one doesn't," H. O. said, leaning back till he nearly +toppled in, and was only saved by Oswald and Alice at their own deadly +peril.</p> + +<p>"Do for goodness sake sit still, H. O.," observed Alice. "It would be a +glorious act! I wish <i>we</i> could."</p> + +<p>"What, sit still?" asked H. O.</p> + +<p>"No, my child," replied Oswald, "most of us can do that when we try. +Your angel sister was only wishing to set up free drinks for the poor +and thirsty."</p> + +<p>"Not for all of them," Alice said, "just a few. Change places now, +Dicky. My feet aren't properly wet at all."</p> + +<p>It is very difficult to change places safely on the willow. The changers +have to crawl over the laps of the others, while the rest sit tight and +hold on for all they're worth. But the hard task was accomplished and +then Alice went on:</p> + +<p>"And we couldn't do it for always, only a day or two—just while our +money held out. Eiffel Tower lemonade's the best, and you get a jolly +lot of it for your money too. There must be a great many sincerely +thirsty persons go along the Dover Road every day."</p> + +<p>"It wouldn't be bad. We've got a little chink between us," said Oswald.</p> + +<p>"And then think how the poor grateful creatures would linger and tell us +about their inmost sorrows. It would be most frightfully interesting. We +could write all their agonied life histories down<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[Pg 230]</a></span> afterwards like <i>All +the Year Round</i> Christmas numbers. Oh, do let's!"</p> + +<p>Alice was wriggling so with earnestness that Dicky thumped her to make +her calm.</p> + +<p>"We might do it, just for one day," Oswald said, "but it wouldn't be +much—only a drop in the ocean compared with the enormous dryness of all +the people in the whole world. Still, every little helps, as the mermaid +said when she cried into the sea."</p> + +<p>"I know a piece of poetry about that," Denny said.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"'Small things are best.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Care and unrest<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To wealth and rank are given,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But little things<br /></span> +<span class="i0">On little wings—'<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>Do something or other, I forget what, but it means the same as Oswald +was saying about the mermaid."</p> + +<p>"What are you going to call it?" asked Noël coming out of a dream.</p> + +<p>"Call what?"</p> + +<p>"The Free Drinks game.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"'It's a horrid shame<br /></span> +<span class="i0">If the Free Drinks game<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Doesn't have a name.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">You would be to blame<br /></span> +<span class="i0">If any one came<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And—'"<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>"Oh, shut up!" remarked Dicky. "You've been making that rot up all the +time we've been<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[Pg 231]</a></span> talking instead of listening properly." Dicky hates +poetry. I don't mind it so very much myself, especially Macaulay's and +Kipling's and Noël's.</p> + +<p>"There was a lot more—'lame' and 'dame' and 'name' and 'game' and +things—and now I've forgotten it," Noël said, in gloom.</p> + +<p>"Never mind," Alice answered, "it'll come back to you in the silent +watches of the night; you see if it doesn't. But really, Noël's right, +it <i>ought</i> to have a name."</p> + +<p>"Free Drinks Company."</p> + +<p>"Thirsty Travellers' Rest."</p> + +<p>"The Travellers' Joy."</p> + +<p>These names were suggested, but not cared for extra.</p> + +<p>Then some one said—I think it was Oswald:</p> + +<p>"Why not 'The House Beautiful'?"</p> + +<p>"It can't be a house, it must be in the road. It'll only be a stall."</p> + +<p>"The 'Stall Beautiful' is simply silly," Oswald said.</p> + +<p>"The 'Bar Beautiful' then," said Dicky, who knows what the "Rose and +Crown" bar is like inside, which of course is hidden from girls.</p> + +<p>"Oh, wait a minute," cried the Dentist, snapping his fingers like he +always does when he is trying to remember things. "I thought of +something, only Daisy tickled me and it's gone—I know—let's call it +the Benevolent Bar!"</p> + +<p>It was exactly right, and told the whole truth in two words. +"Benevolent" showed it was free,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[Pg 232]</a></span> and "Bar" showed what was +free—<i>e.g.</i>, things to drink. The "Benevolent Bar" it was.</p> + +<p>We went home at once to prepare for the morrow, for of course we meant +to do it the very next day. Procrastination is, you know, what—and +delays are dangerous. If we had waited long we might have happened to +spend our money on something else.</p> + +<p>The utmost secrecy had to be observed, because Mrs. Pettigrew hates +tramps. Most people do who keep fowls. Albert's uncle was in London till +the next evening, so we could not consult him, but we know he is always +chock full of intelligent sympathy with the poor and needy.</p> + +<p>Acting with the deepest disguise, we made an awning to cover the +Benevolent Bar keepers from the searching rays of the monarch of the +skies. We found some old striped sun-blinds in the attic, and the girls +sewed them together. They were not very big when they were done, so we +added the girls' striped petticoats. I am sorry their petticoats turn up +so constantly in my narrative, but they really are very useful, +especially when the band is cut off. The girls borrowed Mrs. Pettigrew's +sewing-machine; they could not ask her leave without explanations, which +we did not wish to give just then, and she had lent it to them before. +They took it into the cellar to work it, so that she should not hear the +noise and ask bothering questions. They had to balance it on one end of +the beer-stand. It was not easy. While they were doing the sewing we<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[Pg 233]</a></span> +boys went out and got willow poles and chopped the twigs off, and got +ready as well as we could to put up the awning.</p> + +<p>When we returned a detachment of us went down to the shop in the village +for Eiffel Tower lemonade. We bought seven-and-sixpence worth; then we +made a great label to say what the bar was for. Then there was nothing +else to do except to make rosettes out of a blue sash of Daisy's to show +we belonged to the Benevolent Bar.</p> + +<p>The next day was as hot as ever. We rose early from our innocent +slumbers, and went out to the Dover Road to the spot we had marked down +the day before. It was at a cross-roads, so as to be able to give drinks +to as many people as possible.</p> + +<p>We hid the awning and poles behind the hedge and went home to brekker.</p> + +<p>After brek we got the big zinc bath they wash clothes in, and after +filling it with clean water we just had to empty it again, because it +was too heavy to lift. So we carried it vacant to the trysting-spot and +left H. O. and Noël to guard it while we went and fetched separate pails +of water; very heavy work, and no one who wasn't really benevolent would +have bothered about it for an instant. Oswald alone carried three pails. +So did Dicky and the Dentist. Then we rolled down some empty barrels and +stood up three of them by the road-side, and put planks on them. This +made a very first-class table, and we covered it with the best +table-cloth we could find in the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[Pg 234]</a></span> linen cupboard. We brought out several +glasses and some teacups—not the best ones, Oswald was firm about +that—and the kettle and spirit-lamp and the teapot, in case any weary +tramp-woman fancied a cup of tea instead of Eiffel Tower. H. O. and Noël +had to go down to the shop for tea; they need not have grumbled; they +had not carried any of the water. And their having to go the second time +was only because we forgot to tell them to get some real lemons to put +on the bar to show what the drink would be like when you got it. The man +at the shop kindly gave us tick for the lemons, and we cashed up out of +our next week's pocket-money.</p> + +<p>Two or three people passed while we were getting things ready, but no +one said anything except the man who said, "Bloomin' Sunday-school +treat," and as it was too early in the day for any one to be thirsty we +did not stop the wayfarers to tell them their thirst could be slaked +without cost at our Benevolent Bar.</p> + +<p>But when everything was quite ready, and our blue rosettes fastened on +our breasts over our benevolent hearts, we stuck up the great placard we +had made with "Benevolent Bar. Free Drinks to all Weary Travellers," in +white wadding on red calico, like Christmas decorations in church. We +had meant to fasten this to the edge of the awning, but we had to pin it +to the front of the table-cloth, because I am sorry to say the awning +went wrong from the first. We could not drive the willow poles into the +road; it was much too hard.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[Pg 235]</a></span> And in the ditch it was too soft, besides +being no use. So we had just to cover our benevolent heads with our +hats, and take it in turns to go into the shadow of the tree on the +other side of the road. For we had pitched our table on the sunny side +of the way, of course, relying on our broken-reed-like awning, and +wishing to give it a fair chance.</p> + +<p>Everything looked very nice, and we longed to see somebody really +miserable come along so as to be able to allieve their distress.</p> + +<p>A man and woman were the first; they stopped and stared, but when Alice +said, "Free drinks! Free drinks! Aren't you thirsty?" they said, "No, +thank you," and went on. Then came a person from the village; he didn't +even say "Thank you" when we asked him, and Oswald began to fear it +might be like the awful time when we wandered about on Christmas Day +trying to find poor persons and persuade them to eat our Conscience +pudding.</p> + +<p>But a man in a blue jersey and a red bundle eased Oswald's fears by +being willing to drink a glass of lemonade, and even to say, "Thank you, +I'm sure," quite nicely.</p> + +<p>After that it was better. As we had foreseen, there were plenty of +thirsty people walking along the Dover Road, and even some from the +crossroad.</p> + +<p>We had had the pleasure of seeing nineteen tumblers drained to the dregs +ere we tasted any ourselves. Nobody asked for tea.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[Pg 236]</a></span></p> + +<p>More people went by than we gave lemonade to. Some wouldn't have it +because they were too grand. One man told us he could pay for his own +liquor when he was dry, which, praise be, he wasn't over and above, at +present; and others asked if we hadn't any beer, and when we said "No," +they said it showed what sort we were—as if the sort was not a good +one, which it is.</p> + +<p>And another man said, "Slops again! You never get nothing for nothing, +not this side heaven you don't. Look at the bloomin' blue ribbon on 'em! +Oh, Lor'!" and went on quite sadly without having a drink.</p> + +<p>Our Pig-man who helped us on the Tower of Mystery day went by and we +hailed him, and explained it all to him and gave him a drink, and asked +him to call as he came back. He liked it all, and said we were a real +good sort. How different from the man who wanted the beer. Then he went +on.</p> + +<p>One thing I didn't like, and that was the way boys began to gather. Of +course we could not refuse to give drinks to any traveller who was old +enough to ask for it, but when one boy had had three glasses of lemonade +and asked for another, Oswald said:</p> + +<p>"I think you've had jolly well enough. You can't be really thirsty after +all that lot."</p> + +<p>The boy said, "Oh, can't I? You'll just see if I can't," and went away. +Presently he came back with four other boys, all bigger than Oswald; and +they all asked for lemonade. Oswald gave it to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[Pg 237]</a></span> the four new ones, but +he was determined in his behavior to the other one, and wouldn't give +him a drop. Then the five of them went and sat on a gate a little way +off and kept laughing in a nasty way, and whenever a boy went by they +called out:</p> + +<p>"I say, 'ere's a go," and as often as not the new boy would hang about +with them. It was disquieting, for though they had nearly all had +lemonade, we could see it had not made them friendly.</p> + +<p>A great glorious glow of goodness gladdened (those go all together and +are called alliteration) our hearts when we saw our own tramp coming +down the road. The dogs did not growl at him as they had at the boys or +the beer-man. (I did not say before that we had the dogs with us, but of +course we had, because we had promised never to go out without them.)</p> + +<p>Oswald said, "Hullo," and the tramp said, "Hullo."</p> + +<p>Then Alice said, "You see we've taken your advice; we're giving free +drinks. Doesn't it all look nice?"</p> + +<p>"It does that," said the tramp. "I don't mind if I do."</p> + +<p>So we gave him two glasses of lemonade succeedingly, and thanked him for +giving us the idea. He said we were very welcome, and if we'd no +objection he'd sit down a bit and put on a pipe. He did, and after +talking a little more he fell asleep. Drinking anything seemed to end +in<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[Pg 238]</a></span> sleep with him. I always thought it was only beer and things made +people sleepy, but he was not so. When he was asleep he rolled into the +ditch, but it did not wake him up.</p> + +<p>The boys were getting very noisy, and they began to shout things, and to +make silly noises with their mouths, and when Oswald and Dicky went over +to them and told them to just chuck it, they were worse than ever. I +think perhaps Oswald and Dicky might have fought and settled +them—though there were eleven, yet back to back you can always do it +against overwhelming numbers in a book—only Alice called out:</p> + +<p>"Oswald, here's some more, come back!"</p> + +<p>We went. Three big men were coming down the road, very red and hot, and +not amiable-looking. They stopped in front of the Benevolent Bar and +slowly read the wadding and red-stuff label.</p> + +<p>Then one of them said he was blessed, or something like that, and +another said he was too. The third one said, "Blessed or not, a drink's +a drink. Blue ribbon though by ——" (a word you ought not to say, +though it is in the Bible and the catechism as well). "Let's have a +liquor, little missy."</p> + +<p>The dogs were growling, but Oswald thought it best not to take any +notice of what the dogs said, but to give these men each a drink. So he +did. They drank, but not as if they cared about it very much, and then +they set their glasses down on the table, a liberty no one else had +entered into, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[Pg 239]</a></span> began to try and chaff Oswald. Oswald said in an +undervoice to H. O.:</p> + +<p>"Just take charge. I want to speak to the girls a sec. Call if you want +anything." And then he drew the others away, to say he thought there'd +been enough of it, and considering the boys and the new three men, +perhaps we'd better chuck it and go home. We'd been benevolent nearly +four hours anyway.</p> + +<p>While this conversation and the objections of the others were going on, +H. O. perpetuated an act which nearly wrecked the Benevolent Bar.</p> + +<p>Of course Oswald was not an eye or ear witness of what happened, but +from what H. O. said in the calmer moments of later life, I think this +was about what happened:</p> + +<p>One of the big disagreeable men said to H. O.:</p> + +<p>"Ain't got such a thing as a drop o' spirit, 'ave yer?"</p> + +<p>H. O. said no, we hadn't, only lemonade and tea.</p> + +<p>"Lemonade and tea! blank" (bad word I told you about) "and blazes," +replied the bad character, for such he afterwards proved to be. "What's +<i>that</i> then?"</p> + +<p>He pointed to a bottle labelled Dewar's whiskey, which stood on the +table near the spirit-kettle.</p> + +<p>"Oh, is <i>that</i> what you want?" said H. O., kindly.</p> + +<p>The man is understood to have said he should bloomin' well think so, but +H. O. is not sure about the bloomin'.</p> + +<p>He held out his glass with about half the lemonade in it, and H. O. +generously filled up the tumbler<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[Pg 240]</a></span> out of the bottle labelled Dewar's +whiskey. The man took a great drink, and then suddenly he spat out what +happened to be left in his mouth just then, and began to swear. It was +then that Oswald and Dicky rushed upon the scene. The man was shaking +his fist in H. O.'s face, and H. O. was still holding on to the bottle +we had brought out the methylated spirit in for the lamp, in case of any +one wanting tea, which they hadn't.</p> + +<p>"If I was Jim," said the second ruffian, for such indeed they were, when +he had snatched the bottle from H. O. and smelt it, "I'd chuck the whole +show over the hedge, so I would, and you young gutter-snipes after it, +so I wouldn't."</p> + +<p>Oswald saw in a moment that in point of strength, if not numbers, he and +his party were outmatched, and the unfriendly boys were drawing gladly +near. It is no shame to signal for help when in distress—the best ships +do it every day. Oswald shouted "Help! help!" Before the words were out +of his brave yet trembling lips our own tramp leaped like an antelope +from the ditch and said:</p> + +<p>"Now then, what's up?"</p> + +<p>The biggest of the three men immediately knocked him down. He lay still.</p> + +<p>The biggest then said, "Come on—any more of you? Come on!"</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 463px;"> +<img src="images/gs12.jpg" width="463" height="650" alt=""OSWALD ACTUALLY HIT OUT AT THE BIG MAN"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"OSWALD ACTUALLY HIT OUT AT THE BIG MAN"</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[Pg 241]</a></span></p> + +<p>Oswald was so enraged at this cowardly attack that he actually hit out +at the big man—and he really got one in just above the belt. Then he +shut his eyes, because he felt that now all was indeed up. There was a +shout and a scuffle, and Oswald opened his eyes in astonishment at +finding himself still whole and unimpaired. Our own tramp had artfully +stimulated insensibleness, to get the men off their guard, and then had +suddenly got his arms round a leg each of two of the men, and pulled +them to the ground, helped by Dicky, who saw his game and rushed in at +the same time, exactly like Oswald would have done if he had not had his +eyes shut ready to meet his doom.</p> + +<p>The unpleasant boys shouted, and the third man tried to help his +unrespectable friends, now on their backs, involved in a desperate +struggle with our own tramp, who was on top of them, accompanied by +Dicky. It all happened in a minute, and it was all mixed up. The dogs +were growling and barking—Martha had one of the men by the trouser leg +and Pincher had another; the girls were screaming like mad and the +strange boys shouted and laughed (little beasts!), and then suddenly our +Pig-man came round the corner, and two friends of his with him. He had +gone and fetched them to take care of us if anything unpleasant +occurred. It was very thoughtful, and just like him.</p> + +<p>"Fetch the police!" cried the Pig-man in noble tones, and H. O. started +running to do it. But the scoundrels struggled from under Dicky and our +tramp, shook off the dogs and some bits of trouser, and fled heavily +down the road.</p> + +<p>Our Pig-man said, "Get along home!" to the disagreeable boys, and +"Shoo'd" them as if they<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[Pg 242]</a></span> were hens, and they went. H. O. ran back when +they began to go up the road, and there we were, all standing breathless +and in tears on the scene of the late desperate engagement. Oswald gives +you his word of honor that his and Dicky's tears were tears of pure +rage. There are such things as tears of pure rage. Any one who knows +will tell you so.</p> + +<p>We picked up our own tramp and bathed the lump on his forehead with +lemonade. The water in the zinc bath had been upset in the struggle. +Then he and the Pig-man and his kind friends helped us carry our things +home.</p> + +<p>The Pig-man advised us on the way not to try these sort of kind actions +without getting a grown-up to help us. We've been advised this before, +but now I really think we shall never try to be benevolent to the poor +and needy again. At any rate not unless we know them very well first.</p> + +<p>We have seen our own tramp often since. The Pig-man gave him a job. He +has got work to do at last. The Pig-man says he is not such a very bad +chap, only he will fall asleep after the least drop of drink. We know +that is his failing. We saw it at once. But it was lucky for us he fell +asleep that day near our benevolent bar.</p> + +<p>I will not go into what my father said about it all. There was a good +deal in it about minding your own business—there generally is in most +of the talkings to we get. But he gave our tramp a sovereign, and the +Pig-man says he went to sleep on it for a solid week.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[Pg 243]</a></span></p> +<h2>THE CANTERBURY PILGRIMS</h2> + +<div class="drop"> +<img src="images/drop_t2.jpg" width="124" height="125" alt="T" class="cap" /> + +<p class="cap_1">The author of these few lines really does hope to goodness that no one +will be such an owl as to think from the number of things we did when we +were in the country, that we were wretched, neglected little children, +whose grown-up relations sparkled in the bright haunts of pleasure, and +whirled in the giddy what's-its-name of fashion, while we were left to +weep forsaken at home. It was nothing of the kind, and I wish you to +know that my father was with us a good deal—and Albert's uncle gave up +a good many of his valuable hours to us. And the father of Denny and +Daisy came now and then, and other people, quite as many as we wished to +see. And we had some very decent times with them; and enjoyed ourselves +very much indeed, thank you. In some ways the good times you have with +grown-ups are better than the ones you have by yourselves. At any rate, +they are safer. It is almost impossible, then, to do anything fatal +without being pulled up short by a grown-up ere yet the deed is done. +And, if you are careful, anything that goes wrong can be looked on as +the grown-up's fault. But these secure<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[Pg 244]</a></span> pleasures are not so interesting +to tell about as the things you do when there is no one to stop you on +the edge of the rash act.</p></div> + + +<p>It is curious, too, that many of our most interesting games happened +when grown-ups were far away. For instance, when we were pilgrims.</p> + +<p>It was just after the business of the benevolent bar, and it was a wet +day. It is not so easy to amuse yourself indoors on a wet day as older +people seem to think, especially when you are far removed from your own +home, and haven't got all your own books and things. The girls were +playing Halma—which is a beastly game—Noël was writing poetry, H. O. +was singing "I don't know what to do" to the tune of "Canaan's Happy +Shore." It goes like this, and is very tiresome to listen to:</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"I don't know what to do—oo—oo—oo!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">I don't know what to do—oo—oo!<br /></span> +<span class="i0">It is a beastly rainy day<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And I don't know what to do."<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>The rest of us were trying to make him shut up. We put a carpet-bag over +his head, but he went on inside it; and then we sat on him, but he sang +under us; we held him upside down and made him crawl head first under +the sofa, but when, even there, he kept it up, we saw that nothing short +of violence would induce him to silence, so we let him go. And then he +said we had hurt him, and we said we were only in fun, and he said if we +were he wasn't, and ill feeling might have<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[Pg 245]</a></span> grown up even out of a +playful brotherly act like ours had been, only Alice chucked the Halma +and said:</p> + +<p>"Let dogs delight. Come on—let's play something."</p> + +<p>Then Dora said, "Yes, but look here. Now we're all together, I do want +to say something. What about the Wouldbegoods Society?"</p> + +<p>Many of us groaned, and one said, "Hear! hear!" I will not say which +one, but it was not Oswald.</p> + +<p>"No, but really," Dora said, "I don't want to be preachy—but you know +we <i>did</i> say we'd try to be good. And it says in a book I was reading +only yesterday that <i>not</i> being naughty is not enough. You must <i>be</i> +good. And we've hardly done anything. The Golden Deed book's almost +empty."</p> + +<p>"Couldn't we have a book of leaden deeds," said Noël, coming out of his +poetry, "then there'd be plenty for Alice to write about if she wants +to, or brass or zinc or aluminium deeds? We sha'n't ever fill the book +with golden ones."</p> + +<p>H. O. had rolled himself in the red table-cloth, and said Noël was only +advising us to be naughty, and again peace waved in the balance. But +Alice said, "Oh, H. O., <i>don't</i>—he didn't mean that; but really and +truly, I wish wrong things weren't so interesting. You begin to do a +noble act, and then it gets so exciting, and before you know where you +are you are doing something wrong as hard as you can lick."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[Pg 246]</a></span></p> + +<p>"And enjoying it too," Dicky said.</p> + +<p>"It's very curious," Denny said, "but you don't seem to be able to be +certain inside yourself whether what you're doing is right if you happen +to like doing it, but if you don't like doing it you know quite well. I +only thought of that just now. I wish Noël would make a poem about it."</p> + +<p>"I am," Noël said; "it began about a crocodile, but it is finishing +itself up quite different from what I meant it to at first. Just wait a +minute."</p> + +<p>He wrote very hard while his kind brothers and sisters and his little +friends waited the minute he had said, and then he read:</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"The crocodile is very wise,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He lives in the Nile with little eyes,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He eats the hippopotamus too,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And if he could he would eat up you.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"The lovely woods and starry skies<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He looks upon with glad surprise;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">He sees the riches of the east,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And the tiger and lion, kings of beast.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"So let all be good and beware<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Of saying sha'n't and won't and don't care;<br /></span> +<span class="i0">For doing wrong is easier far<br /></span> +<span class="i0">Than any of the right things I know about are.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>And I couldn't make it king of beasts because of it not rhyming with +east, so I put the <i>s</i> off beasts on to king. It comes even in the end."</p> + +<p>We all said it was a very nice piece of poetry. Noël gets really ill if +you don't like what he writes, and then he said, "If it's trying that's +wanted, I don't care how hard we <i>try</i> to be good, but we<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[Pg 247]</a></span> may as well +do it some nice way. Let's be Pilgrim's Progress, like I wanted to at +first."</p> + +<p>And we were all beginning to say we didn't want to, when suddenly Dora +said, "Oh, look here! I know. We'll be the Canterbury Pilgrims. People +used to go pilgrimages to make themselves good."</p> + +<p>"With pease in their shoes," the Dentist said. "It's in a piece of +poetry—only the man boiled his pease—which is quite unfair."</p> + +<p>"Oh yes," said H. O., "and cocked hats."</p> + +<p>"Not cocked—cockled"—it was Alice who said this. "And they had staffs +and scrips, and they told each other tales. We might as well."</p> + +<p>Oswald and Dora had been reading about the Canterbury Pilgrims in a book +called A <i>Short History of the English People</i>. It is not at all short +really—three fat volumes—but it has jolly good pictures. It was +written by a gentleman named Green. So Oswald said:</p> + +<p>"All right. I'll be the Knight."</p> + +<p>"I'll be the wife of Bath," Dora said. "What will you be, Dicky?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, I don't care, I'll be Mr. Bath if you like."</p> + +<p>"We don't know much about the people," Alice said. "How many were +there?"</p> + +<p>"Thirty," Oswald replied, "but we needn't be all of them. There's the +Nun-Priest."</p> + +<p>"Is that a man or a woman?"</p> + +<p>Oswald said he could not be sure by the picture, but Alice and Noël +could be it between them. So that was settled. Then we got the book and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[Pg 248]</a></span> +looked at the dresses to see if we could make up dresses for the parts. +At first we thought we would, because it would be something to do, and +it was a very wet day; but they looked difficult, especially the +Miller's. Denny wanted to be the Miller, but in the end he was the +Doctor, because it was next door to Dentist, which is what we call him +for short. Daisy was to be the Prioress—because she is good, and has "a +soft little red mouth," and H. O. <i>would</i> be the Manciple (I don't know +what that is), because the picture of him is bigger than most of the +others, and he said Manciple was a nice portmanteau word—half mandarin +and half disciple.</p> + +<p>"Let's get the easiest parts of the dresses ready first," Alice +said—"the pilgrims' staffs and hats and the cockles."</p> + +<p>So Oswald and Dicky braved the fury of the elements and went into the +wood beyond the orchard to cut ash-sticks. We got eight jolly good long +ones. Then we took them home, and the girls bothered till we changed our +clothes, which were indeed sopping with the elements we had faced.</p> + +<p>Then we peeled the sticks. They were nice and white at first, but they +soon got dirty when we carried them. It is a curious thing: however +often you wash your hands they always seem to come off on anything +white. And we nailed paper rosettes to the tops of them. That was the +nearest we could get to cockle-shells.</p> + +<p>"And we may as well have them there as on our<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[Pg 249]</a></span> hats," Alice said. "And +let's call each other by our right names to-day, just to get into it. +Don't you think so, Knight?"</p> + +<p>"Yea, Nun-Priest," Oswald was replying, but Noël said she was only half +the Nun-Priest, and again a threat of unpleasantness darkened the air. +But Alice said:</p> + +<p>"Don't be a piggy-wiggy, Noël, dear; you can have it all, I don't want +it. I'll just be a plain pilgrim, or Henry who killed Becket."</p> + +<p>So she was called the Plain Pilgrim, and she did not mind.</p> + +<p>We thought of cocked hats, but they are warm to wear, and the big garden +hats that make you look like pictures on the covers of plantation songs +did beautifully. We put cockle-shells on them. Sandals we did try, with +pieces of oil-cloth cut the shape of soles and fastened with tape, but +the dust gets into your toes so, and we decided boots were better for +such a long walk. Some of the pilgrims who were very earnest decided to +tie their boots with white tape crossed outside to pretend sandals. +Denny was one of these earnest palmers. As for dresses, there was no +time to make them properly, and at first we thought of nightgowns; but +we decided not to, in case people in Canterbury were not used to that +sort of pilgrim nowadays. We made up our minds to go as we were—or as +we might happen to be next day.</p> + +<p>You will be ready to believe we hoped next day would be fine. It was.</p> + +<p>Fair was the morn when the pilgrims arose and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[Pg 250]</a></span> went down to breakfast. +Albert's uncle had had brekker early and was hard at work in his study. +We heard his quill-pen squeaking when we listened at the door. It is not +wrong to listen at doors when there is only one person inside, because +nobody would tell itself secrets aloud when it was alone.</p> + +<p>We got lunch from the housekeeper, Mrs. Pettigrew. She seems almost to +<i>like</i> us all to go out and take our lunch with us. Though I should +think it must be very dull for her all alone. I remember, though, that +Eliza, our late general at Lewisham, was just the same. We took the dear +dogs, of course. Since the Tower of Mystery happened we are not allowed +to go anywhere without the escort of these faithful friends of man. We +did not take Martha, because bull-dogs do not like long walks. Remember +this if you ever have one of those valuable animals.</p> + +<p>When we were all ready, with our big hats and cockle-shells, and our +staves and our tape sandals, the pilgrims looked very nice.</p> + +<p>"Only we haven't any scrips," Dora said.</p> + +<p>"What is a scrip?"</p> + +<p>"I think it's something to read. A roll of parchment or something."</p> + +<p>So we had old newspapers rolled up, and carried them in our hands. We +took the <i>Globe</i> and the <i>Westminster Gazette</i> because they are pink and +green. The Dentist wore his white sand-shoes, sandalled with black tape, +and bare legs. They really looked almost as good as bare feet.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[Pg 251]</a></span></p> + +<p>"We <i>ought</i> to have pease in our shoes," he said. But we did not think +so. We knew what a very little stone in your boot will do, let alone +pease.</p> + +<p>Of course we knew the way to go to Canterbury, because the old Pilgrims' +Road runs just above our house. It is a very pretty road, narrow, and +often shady. It is nice for walking, but carts do not like it because it +is rough and rutty; so there is grass growing in patches on it.</p> + +<p>I have said that it was a fine day, which means that it was not raining, +but the sun did not shine all the time.</p> + +<p>"'Tis well, O Knight," said Alice, "that the orb of day shines not in +undi—what's-its-name?—splendor."</p> + +<p>"Thou sayest sooth, Plain Pilgrim," replied Oswald. "'Tis jolly warm +even as it is."</p> + +<p>"I wish I wasn't two people," Noël said, "it seems to make me hotter. I +think I'll be a Reeve or something."</p> + +<p>But we would not let him, and we explained that if he hadn't been so +beastly particular Alice would have been half of him, and he had only +himself to thank if being all of a Nun-Priest made him hot.</p> + +<p>But it <i>was</i> warm certainly, and it was some time since we'd gone so far +in boots. Yet when H. O. complained we did our duty as pilgrims and made +him shut up. He did as soon as Alice said that about whining and +grizzling being below the dignity of a Manciple.</p> + +<p>It was so warm that the Prioress and the wife of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[Pg 252]</a></span> Bath gave up walking +with their arms round each other in their usual silly way (Albert's +uncle calls it Laura Matildaing), and the Doctor and Mr. Bath had to +take their jackets off and carry them.</p> + +<p>I am sure if an artist or a photographer, or any person who liked +pilgrims, had seen us he would have been very pleased. The paper +cockle-shells were first-rate, but it was awkward having them on the top +of the staffs, because they got in your way when you wanted the staff to +use as a walking-stick.</p> + +<p>We stepped out like a man all of us, and kept it up as well as we could +in book-talk, and at first all was merry as a dinner-bell; but presently +Oswald, who was the "very perfect gentle knight," could not help +noticing that one of us was growing very silent and rather pale, like +people are when they have eaten something that disagrees with them +before they are quite sure of the fell truth.</p> + +<p>So he said, "What's up, Dentist, old man?" quite kindly and like a +perfect knight, though, of course, he was annoyed with Denny. It is +sickening when people turn pale in the middle of a game and everything +is spoiled, and you have to go home, and tell the spoiler how sorry you +are that he is knocked up, and pretend not to mind about the game being +spoiled.</p> + +<p>Denny said, "Nothing," but Oswald knew better.</p> + +<p>Then Alice said, "Let's rest a bit, Oswald, it <i>is</i> hot."</p> + +<p>"Sir Oswald, if you please, Plain Pilgrim,"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[Pg 253]</a></span> returned her brother, +dignifiedly. "Remember I'm a knight."</p> + +<p>So then we sat down and had lunch, and Denny looked better. We played +adverbs, and twenty questions, and apprenticing your son, for a bit in +the shade, and then Dicky said it was time to set sail if we meant to +make the port of Canterbury that night. Of course, pilgrims reck not of +ports, but Dicky never does play the game thoughtfully.</p> + +<p>We went on. I believe we should have got to Canterbury all right and +quite early, only Denny got paler and paler, and presently Oswald saw, +beyond any doubt, that he was beginning to walk lame.</p> + +<p>"Shoes hurt you, Dentist?" he said, still with kind, striving +cheerfulness.</p> + +<p>"Not much—it's all right," returned the other.</p> + +<p>So on we went—but we were all a bit tired now—and the sun was hotter +and hotter; the clouds had gone away. We had to begin to sing to keep up +our spirits. We sang "The British Grenadiers" and "John Brown's Body," +which is grand to march to, and a lot of others. We were just starting +on "Tramp, tramp, tramp, the boys are marching," when Denny stopped +short. He stood first on one foot and then on the other, and suddenly +screwed up his face and put his knuckles in his eyes and sat down on a +heap of stones by the road-side.</p> + +<p>When we pulled his hands down he was actually crying. The author does +not wish to say it is babyish to cry.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[Pg 254]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Whatever is up?" we all asked, and Daisy and Dora petted him to get him +to say, but he only went on howling, and said it was nothing, only would +we go on and leave him, and call for him as we came back.</p> + +<p>Oswald thought very likely something had given Denny the stomach-ache, +and he did not like to say so before all of us, so he sent the others +away and told them to walk on a bit.</p> + +<p>Then he said, "Now, Denny, don't be a young ass. What is it? <i>Is</i> it +stomach-ache?"</p> + +<p>And Denny stopped crying to say "No!" as loud as he could.</p> + +<p>"Well, then," Oswald said, "look here, you're spoiling the whole thing. +Don't be a jackape, Denny. What is it?"</p> + +<p>"You won't tell the others if I tell you?"</p> + +<p>"Not if you say not," Oswald answered in kindly tones.</p> + +<p>"Well, it's my shoes."</p> + +<p>"Take them off, man."</p> + +<p>"You won't laugh?"</p> + +<p>"NO!" cried Oswald, so impatiently that the others looked back to see +why he was shouting. He waved them away, and with humble gentleness +began to undo the black tape sandals. Denny let him, crying hard all the +time.</p> + +<p>When Oswald had got off the first shoe the mystery was made plain to +him.</p> + +<p>"Well! Of all the—," he said in proper indignation.</p> + +<p>Denny quailed—though he said he did not—but<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[Pg 255]</a></span> then he doesn't know what +quailing is, and if Denny did not quail then Oswald does not know what +quailing is either.</p> + +<p>For when Oswald took the shoe off he naturally chucked it down and gave +it a kick, and a lot of little pinky yellow things rolled out. And +Oswald looked closer at the interesting sight. And the little things +were <i>split pease</i>.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps you'll tell me," said the gentle knight, with the politeness of +despair, "why on earth you've played the goat like this?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, don't be angry," Denny said; and now his shoes were off, he curled +and uncurled his toes and stopped crying. "I <i>knew</i> pilgrims put pease +in their shoes—and—oh, I wish you wouldn't laugh!"</p> + +<p>"I'm not," said Oswald, still with bitter politeness.</p> + +<p>"I didn't want to tell you I was going to, because I wanted to be better +than all of you, and I thought if you knew I was going to you'd want to +too, and you wouldn't when I said it first. So I just put some pease in +my pocket and dropped one or two at a time into my shoes when you +weren't looking."</p> + +<p>In his secret heart Oswald said, "Greedy young ass." For it <i>is</i> greedy +to want to have more of anything than other people, even goodness.</p> + +<p>Outwardly Oswald said nothing.</p> + +<p>"You see," Denny went on,—"I do want to be good. And if pilgriming is +to do you good, you ought to do it properly. I shouldn't mind being<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[Pg 256]</a></span> +hurt in my feet if it would make me good for ever and ever. And besides, +I wanted to play the game thoroughly. You always say I don't."</p> + +<p>The breast of the kind Oswald was touched by these last words.</p> + +<p>"I think you're quite good enough," he said. "I'll fetch back the +others—no, they won't laugh."</p> + +<p>And we all went back to Denny, and the girls made a fuss with him. But +Oswald and Dicky were grave and stood aloof. They were old enough to see +that being good was all very well, but after all you had to get the boy +home somehow.</p> + +<p>When they said this, as agreeably as they could, Denny said:</p> + +<p>"It's all right—some one will give me a lift."</p> + +<p>"You think everything in the world can be put right with a lift," Dicky +said, and he did not speak lovingly.</p> + +<p>"So it can," said Denny, "when it's your feet. I shall easily get a lift +home."</p> + +<p>"Not here you won't," said Alice. "No one goes down this road; but the +high-road's just round the corner, where you see the telegraph wires."</p> + +<p>Dicky and Oswald made a sedan-chair and carried Denny to the high-road, +and we sat down in a ditch to wait. For a long time nothing went by but +a brewer's dray. We hailed it, of course, but the man was so sound +asleep that our hails were vain, and none of us thought soon enough +about springing like a flash to the horses' heads, though we all thought +of it directly the dray was out of sight.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 501px;"> +<img src="images/gs13.jpg" width="501" height="650" alt=""A DOG-CART WITH A YOUNG LADY IN IT"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"A DOG-CART WITH A YOUNG LADY IN IT"</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[Pg 257]</a></span></p> + +<p>So we had to keep on sitting there by the dusty road, and more than one +pilgrim was heard to say it wished we had never come. Oswald was not one +of those who uttered this useless wish.</p> + +<p>At last, just when despair was beginning to eat into the vital parts of +even Oswald, there was a quick tap-tapping of horses' feet on the road, +and a dog-cart came in sight with a lady in it all alone.</p> + +<p>We hailed her like the desperate shipwrecked mariners in the long-boat +hail the passing sail.</p> + +<p>She pulled up. She was not a very old lady—twenty-five we found out +afterwards her age was—and she looked jolly.</p> + +<p>"Well," she said, "what's the matter?"</p> + +<p>"It's this poor little boy," Dora said, pointing to the Dentist, who had +gone to sleep in the dry ditch with his mouth open as usual. "His feet +hurt him so, and will you give him a lift?"</p> + +<p>"But why are you all rigged out like this?" asked the lady, looking at +our cockle-shells and sandals and things.</p> + +<p>We told her.</p> + +<p>"And how has he hurt his feet?" she asked.</p> + +<p>And we told her that.</p> + +<p>She looked very kind. "Poor little chap," she said. "Where do you want +to go?"</p> + +<p>We told her that too. We had no concealments from this lady.</p> + +<p>"Well," she said, "I have to go on to—what is its name?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[Pg 258]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Canterbury," said H. O.</p> + +<p>"Well, yes, Canterbury," she said; "it's only about half a mile. I'll +take the poor little pilgrim—and, yes, the three girls. You boys must +walk. Then we'll have tea and see the sights, and I'll drive you +home—at least some of you. How will that do?"</p> + +<p>We thanked her very much indeed, and said it would do very nicely.</p> + +<p>Then we helped Denny into the cart, and the girls got up, and the red +wheels of the cart spun away through the dust.</p> + +<p>"I wish it had been an omnibus the lady was driving," said H. O., "then +we could all have had a ride."</p> + +<p>"Don't you be so discontented," Dicky said.</p> + +<p>And Noël said:</p> + +<p>"You ought to be jolly thankful you haven't got to carry Denny all the +way home on your back. You'd have had to if you'd been out alone with +him."</p> + +<p>When we got to Canterbury it was much smaller than we expected, and the +cathedral not much bigger than the church that is next to the Moat +House. There seemed to be only one big street, but we supposed the rest +of the city was hidden away somewhere.</p> + +<p>There was a large inn, with a green before it, and the red-wheeled +dog-cart was standing in the stable-yard, and the lady, with Denny and +the others, sitting on the benches in the porch looking out for us. The +inn was called the "George and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[Pg 259]</a></span> Dragon," and it made me think of the +days when there were coaches and highwaymen and footpads and jolly +landlords, and adventures at country inns like you read about.</p> + +<p>"We've ordered tea," said the lady. "Would you like to wash your hands?" +We saw that she wished us to, so we said yes, we would. The girls and +Denny were already much cleaner than when we parted from them.</p> + +<p>There was a court-yard to the inn and a wooden staircase outside the +house. We were taken up this, and washed our hands in a big room with a +fourpost wooden bed and dark red hangings—just the sort of hangings +that would not show the stains of gore in the dear old adventurous +times.</p> + +<p>Then we had tea in a great big room with wooden chairs and tables, very +polished and old.</p> + +<p>It was very nice tea, with lettuces and cold meat and three kinds of +jam, as well as cake, and new bread, which we are not allowed at home.</p> + +<p>While tea was being had the lady talked to us. She was very kind. There +are two sorts of people in the world, besides others: one sort +understand what you're driving at and the other don't. This lady was the +one sort.</p> + +<p>After every one had had as much to eat as they could possibly want, the +lady said, "What was it you particularly wanted to see at Canterbury?"</p> + +<p>"The cathedral," Alice said, "and the place where Thomas à Becket was +murdered."</p> + +<p>"And the Danejohn," said Dicky.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[Pg 260]</a></span></p> + +<p>Oswald wanted to see the walls, because he likes the story of St. +Alphege and the Danes.</p> + +<p>"Well, well," said the lady, and she put on her hat; it was a really +sensible one—not a blob of fluffy stuff and feathers put on sideways +and stuck on with long pins, and no shade to your face, but almost as +big as ours, with a big brim and red flowers, and black strings to tie +under your chin to keep it from blowing off.</p> + +<p>Then we went out all together to see Canterbury. Dicky and Oswald took +it in turns to carry Denny on their backs. The lady called him "The +Wounded Comrade."</p> + +<p>We went first to the church. Oswald, whose quick brain was easily +aroused to suspicions, was afraid the lady might begin talking in the +church, but she did not. The church door was open. I remember mother +telling us once it was right and good for churches to be left open all +day, so that tired people could go in and be quiet, and say their +prayers if they wanted to. But it does not seem respectful to talk out +loud in church. (<i>See</i> Note A.)</p> + +<p>When we got outside the lady said: "You can imagine how on the chancel +steps began the mad struggle in which Becket, after hurling one of his +assailants, armor and all, to the ground—"</p> + +<p>"It would have been much cleverer," H. O. interrupted, "to hurl him +without his armor, and leave that standing up."</p> + +<p>"Go on," said Alice and Oswald, when they had given H. O. a withering +glance. And the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[Pg 261]</a></span> lady did go on. She told us all about Becket, and then +about St. Alphege, who had bones thrown at him till he died, because he +wouldn't tax his poor people to please the beastly rotten Danes.</p> + +<p>And Denny recited a piece of poetry he knows called "The Ballad of +Canterbury."</p> + +<p>It begins about Danish war-ships, snake-shaped, and ends about doing as +you'd be done by. It is long, but it has all the beef-bones in it, and +all about St. Alphege.</p> + +<p>Then the lady showed us the Danejohn, and it was like an oast-house. And +Canterbury walls that Alphege defied the Danes from looked down on a +quite common farmyard. The hospital was like a barn, and other things +were like other things, but we went all about and enjoyed it very much. +The lady was quite amusing, besides sometimes talking like a real +cathedral guide I met afterwards. (<i>See</i> Note B.) When at last we said +we thought Canterbury was very small considering, the lady said:</p> + +<p>"Well, it seemed a pity to come so far and not at least <i>hear</i> something +about Canterbury."</p> + +<p>And then at once we knew the worst, and Alice said:</p> + +<p>"What a horrid sell!"</p> + +<p>But Oswald, with immediate courteousness, said:</p> + +<p>"I don't care. You did it awfully well."</p> + +<p>And he did not say, though he owns he thought of it:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[Pg 262]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I knew it all the time," though it was a great temptation. Because +really it was more than half true. He had felt from the first that this +was too small for Canterbury. (<i>See</i> Note C.)</p> + +<p>The real name of the place was Hazelbridge, and not Canterbury at all. +We went to Canterbury another time. (<i>See</i> Note D.)</p> + +<p>We were not angry with the lady for selling us about it being +Canterbury, because she had really kept it up first-rate. And she asked +us if we minded, very handsomely, and we said we liked it. But now we +did not care how soon we got home. The lady saw this, and said:</p> + +<p>"Come, our chariots are ready, and our horses caparisoned."</p> + +<p>That is a first-rate word out of a book. It cheered Oswald up, and he +liked her for using it, though he wondered why she said chariots. When +we got back to the inn I saw her dog-cart was there, and a grocer's cart +too, with B. Munn, grocer, Hazelbridge, on it. She took the girls in her +cart, and the boys went with the grocer. His horse was a very good one +to go, only you had to hit it with the wrong end of the whip. But the +cart was very bumpety.</p> + +<p>The evening dews were falling—at least, I suppose so, but you do not +feel dew in a grocer's cart—when we reached home. We all thanked the +lady very much, and said we hoped we should see her again some day. She +said she hoped so.</p> + +<p>The grocer drove off, and when we had all shaken hands with the lady and +kissed her, according<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[Pg 263]</a></span> as we were boys or girls, or little boys, she +touched up her horse and drove away.</p> + +<p>She turned at the corner to wave to us, and just as we had done waving, +and were turning into the house, Albert's uncle came into our midst like +a whirling wind. He was in flannels, and his shirt had no stud in at the +neck, and his hair was all rumpled up and his hands were inky, and we +knew he had left off in the middle of a chapter by the wildness of his +eye.</p> + +<p>"Who was that lady?" he said. "Where did you meet her?"</p> + +<p>Mindful, as ever, of what he was told, Oswald began to tell the story +from the beginning.</p> + +<p>"The other day, protector of the poor," he began, "Dora and I were +reading about the Canterbury pilgrims—"</p> + +<p>Oswald thought Albert's uncle would be pleased to find his instructions +about beginning at the beginning had borne fruit, but instead he +interrupted.</p> + +<p>"Stow it, you young duffer! Where did you meet her?"</p> + +<p>Oswald answered briefly, in wounded accents, "Hazelbridge."</p> + +<p>Then Albert's uncle rushed up-stairs three at a time, and as he went he +called out to Oswald:</p> + +<p>"Get out my bike, old man, and blow up the back tire."</p> + +<p>I am sure Oswald was as quick as any one could have been, but long ere +the tire was thoroughly blowed Albert's uncle appeared, with a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[Pg 264]</a></span> +collar-stud and tie and blazer, and his hair tidy, and wrenched the +unoffending machine from Oswald's surprised fingers.</p> + +<p>Albert's uncle finished pumping up the tire, and then, flinging himself +into the saddle, he set off, scorching down the road at a pace not +surpassed by any highwayman, however black and high-mettled his steed.</p> + +<p>We were left looking at each other.</p> + +<p>"He must have recognized her," Dicky said.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps," Noël said, "she is the old nurse who alone knows the dark +secret of his high-born birth."</p> + +<p>"Not old enough, by chalks," Oswald said.</p> + +<p>"I shouldn't wonder," said Alice, "if she holds the secret of the will +that will make him rolling in long-lost wealth."</p> + +<p>"I wonder if he'll catch her," Noël said. "I'm quite certain all his +future depends on it. Perhaps she's his long-lost sister, and the estate +was left to them equally, only she couldn't be found, so it couldn't be +shared up."</p> + +<p>"Perhaps he's only in love with her," Dora said; "parted by cruel fate +at an early age, he has ranged the wide world ever since trying to find +her."</p> + +<p>"I hope to goodness he hasn't—anyway, he's not ranged since we knew +him—never farther than Hastings," Oswald said. "We don't want any of +that rot."</p> + +<p>"What rot?" Daisy asked. And Oswald said:</p> + +<p>"Getting married, and all that sort of rubbish."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[Pg 265]</a></span></p> + +<p>And Daisy and Dora were the only ones that didn't agree with him. Even +Alice owned that being bridesmaids must be fairly good fun. It's no +good. You may treat girls as well as you like, and give them every +comfort and luxury, and play fair just as if they were boys, but there +is something unmanly about the best of girls. They go silly, like milk +goes sour, without any warning.</p> + +<p>When Albert's uncle returned he was very hot, with a beaded brow, but +pale as the Dentist when the pease were at their worst.</p> + +<p>"Did you catch her?" H. O. asked.</p> + +<p>Albert's uncle's brow looked black as the cloud the thunder will +presently break from.</p> + +<p>"No," he said.</p> + +<p>"Is she your long-lost nurse?" H. O. went on, before we could stop him.</p> + +<p>"Long-lost grandmother! I knew the lady long ago in India," said +Albert's uncle, as he left the room, slamming the door in a way we +should be forbidden to.</p> + +<p>And that was the end of the Canterbury Pilgrimage.</p> + +<p>As for the lady, we did not then know whether she was his long-lost +grandmother that he had known in India or not, though we thought she +seemed youngish for the part. We found out afterwards whether she was or +not, but that comes in another part. His manner was not the one that +makes you go on asking questions.</p> + +<p>The Canterbury Pilgriming did not exactly<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[Pg 266]</a></span> make us good, but then, as +Dora said, we had not done anything wrong that day. So we were +twenty-four hours to the good.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p><i>Note A.</i>—Afterwards we went and saw real Canterbury. It is very large. +A disagreeable man showed us round the cathedral, and jawed all the time +quite loud as if it wasn't a church. I remember one thing he said. It +was this:</p> + +<p>"This is the Dean's Chapel; it was the Lady Chapel in the wicked days +when people used to worship the Virgin Mary."</p> + +<p>And H. O. said, "I suppose they worship the Dean now?"</p> + +<p>Some strange people who were there laughed out loud. I think this is +worse in church than not taking your cap off when you come in, as H. O. +forgot to do, because the cathedral was so big he didn't think it was a +church.</p> + +<p><i>Note B.</i> (<i>See</i> Note C.)</p> + +<p><i>Note C.</i> (<i>See</i> Note D.)</p> + +<p><i>Note D.</i> (<i>See</i> Note E.)</p> + +<p><i>Note E.</i> (<i>See</i> Note A.)</p> + +<p>This ends the Canterbury Pilgrims.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[Pg 267]</a></span></p> +<h2>THE DRAGON'S TEETH; OR ARMY-SEED</h2> + +<div class="drop"> +<img src="images/drop_a.jpg" width="128" height="125" alt="A" class="cap" /> + + +<p class="cap_1">Albert's uncle was out on his bicycle as usual. After the day when we +became Canterbury Pilgrims and were brought home in the dog-cart with +red wheels by the lady he told us was his long-lost grandmother he had +known years ago in India, he spent not nearly so much of his time in +writing, and he used to shave every morning instead of only when +requisite, as in earlier days. And he was always going out on his +bicycle in his new Norfolk suit. We are not so unobserving as grown-up +people make out. We knew well enough he was looking for the long-lost. +And we jolly well wished he might find her. Oswald, always full of +sympathy with misfortune, however undeserved, had himself tried several +times to find the lady. So had the others. But all this is what they +call a digression; it has nothing to do with the dragon's teeth I am now +narrating.</p> +</div> + +<p>It began with the pig dying—it was the one we had for the circus, but +it having behaved so badly that day had nothing to do with its illness +and death, though the girls said they felt remorse, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[Pg 268]</a></span> perhaps if we +hadn't made it run so that day it might have been spared to us. But +Oswald cannot pretend that people were right just because they happen to +be dead, and as long as that pig was alive we all knew well enough that +it was it that made us run—and not us it.</p> + +<p>The pig was buried in the kitchen garden. Bill, that we made the +tombstone for, dug the grave, and while he was away at his dinner we +took a turn at digging, because we like to be useful, and besides, when +you dig you never know what you may turn up. I knew a man once that +found a gold ring on the point of his fork when he was digging potatoes, +and you know how we found two half-crowns ourselves once when we were +digging for treasure.</p> + +<p>Oswald was taking his turn with the spade, and the others were sitting +on the gravel and telling him how to do it.</p> + +<p>"Work with a will," Dicky said, yawning.</p> + +<p>Alice said: "I wish we were in a book. People in books never dig without +finding something. I think I'd rather it was a secret passage than +anything."</p> + +<p>Oswald stopped to wipe his honest brow ere replying.</p> + +<p>"A secret's nothing when you've found it out. Look at the secret +staircase. It's no good, not even for hide-and-seek, because of its +squeaking. I'd rather have the pot of gold we used to dig for when we +were little." It was really only last year, but you seem to grow old +very quickly after you<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[Pg 269]</a></span> have once passed the prime of your youth, which +is at ten, I believe.</p> + +<p>"How would you like to find the mouldering bones of Royalist soldiers +foully done to death by nasty Ironsides?" Noël asked, with his mouth +full of plum.</p> + +<p>"If they were really dead it wouldn't matter," Dora said. "What I'm +afraid of is a skeleton that can walk about and catch at your legs when +you're going up-stairs to bed."</p> + +<p>"Skeletons can't walk," Alice said in a hurry; "you know they can't, +Dora."</p> + +<p>And she glared at Dora till she made her sorry she had said what she +had. The things you are frightened of, or even those you would rather +not meet in the dark, should never be mentioned before the little ones, +or else they cry when it comes to bedtime, and say it was because of +what you said.</p> + +<p>"We sha'n't find anything. No jolly fear," said Dicky.</p> + +<p>And just then my spade I was digging with struck on something hard, and +it felt hollow. I did really think for one joyful space that we had +found that pot of gold. But the thing, whatever it was, seemed to be +longish; longer, that is, than a pot of gold would naturally be. And as +I uncovered it I saw that it was not at all pot-of-gold-color, but like +a bone Pincher has buried. So Oswald said:</p> + +<p>"It <i>is</i> the skeleton."</p> + +<p>The girls all drew back, and Alice said, "Oswald, I wish you wouldn't."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[Pg 270]</a></span></p> + +<p>A moment later the discovery was unearthed, and Oswald lifted it up with +both hands.</p> + +<p>"It's a dragon's head," Noël said, and it certainly looked like it. It +was long and narrowish and bony, and with great yellow teeth sticking in +the jaw.</p> + +<p>Bill came back just then and said it was a horse's head, but H. O. and +Noël would not believe it, and Oswald owns that no horse he has ever +seen had a head at all that shape.</p> + +<p>But Oswald did not stop to argue, because he saw a keeper who showed me +how to set snares going by, and he wanted to talk to him about ferrets, +so he went off, and Dicky and Denny and Alice with him. Also Daisy and +Dora went off to finish reading <i>Ministering Children</i>. So H. O. and +Noël were left with the bony head. They took it away.</p> + +<p>The incident had quite faded from the mind of Oswald next day. But just +before breakfast Noël and H. O. came in, looking hot and anxious. They +had got up early and had not washed at all—not even their hands and +faces. Noël made Oswald a secret signal. All the others saw it, and with +proper delicate feeling pretended not to have.</p> + +<p>When Oswald had gone out with Noël and H. O., in obedience to the secret +signal, Noël said:</p> + +<p>"You know that dragon's head yesterday?"</p> + +<p>"Well?" Oswald said, quickly, but not crossly—the two things are quite +different.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">[Pg 271]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Well, you know what happened in Greek history when some chap sowed +dragon's teeth?"</p> + +<p>"They came up armed men," said H. O.; but Noël sternly bade him shut up, +and Oswald said "Well," again. If he spoke impatiently it was because he +smelled the bacon being taken in to breakfast.</p> + +<p>"Well," Noël went on, "what do you suppose would have come up if we'd +sowed those dragon's teeth we found yesterday?"</p> + +<p>"Why, nothing, you young duffer," said Oswald, who could now smell the +coffee. "All that isn't History—it's Humbug. Come on in to brekker."</p> + +<p>"It's <i>not</i> humbug," H. O. cried, "it <i>is</i> history. We <i>did</i> sow—"</p> + +<p>"Shut up," said Noël again. "Look here, Oswald. We did sow those +dragon's teeth in Randall's ten-acre meadow, and what do you think has +come up?"</p> + +<p>"Toadstools, I should think," was Oswald's contemptible rejoinder.</p> + +<p>"They have come up a camp of soldiers," said Noël—"<i>armed men</i>. So you +see it <i>was</i> history. We have sowed army-seed, just like Cadmus, and it +has come up. It was a very wet night. I dare say that helped it along."</p> + +<p>Oswald could not decide which to disbelieve—his brother or his ears. So +disguising his doubtful emotions without a word, he led the way to the +bacon and the banqueting hall.</p> + +<p>He said nothing about the army-seed then,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">[Pg 272]</a></span> neither did Noël and H. O. +But after the bacon we went into the garden, and then the good elder +brother said:</p> + +<p>"Why don't you tell the others your cock-and-bull story?"</p> + +<p>So they did, and their story was received with warm expressions of +doubt. It was Dicky who observed:</p> + +<p>"Let's go and have a squint at Randall's ten-acre, anyhow. I saw a hare +there the other day."</p> + +<p>We went. It is some little way, and as we went disbelief reigned superb +in every breast except Noël's and H. O.'s, so you will see that even the +ready pen of the present author cannot be expected to describe to you +his variable sensations when he got to the top of the hill and suddenly +saw that his little brothers had spoken the truth. I do not mean that +they generally tell lies, but people make mistakes sometimes and the +effect is the same as lies if you believe them.</p> + +<p>There <i>was</i> a camp there with real tents and soldiers in gray and red +tunics. I dare say the girls would have said coats. We stood in ambush, +too astonished even to think of lying in it, though of course we know +that this is customary. The ambush was the wood on top of the little +hill, between Randall's ten-acre meadow and Sugden's Waste Wake pasture.</p> + +<p>"There would be cover here for a couple of regiments," whispered Oswald, +who was, I think, gifted by Fate with the far-seeingness of a born +general.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">[Pg 273]</a></span></p> + +<p>Alice merely said "Hist," and we went down to mingle with the troops as +though by accident, and seek for information.</p> + +<p>The first man we came to at the edge of the camp was cleaning a sort of +cauldron thing like witches brew bats in.</p> + +<p>We went up to him and said, "Who are you? Are you English, or are you +the enemy?"</p> + +<p>"We're the enemy," he said, and he did not seem ashamed of being what he +was. And he spoke English with quite a good accent for a foreigner.</p> + +<p>"The enemy!" Oswald echoed, in shocked tones. It is a terrible thing to +a loyal and patriotic youth to see an enemy cleaning a pot in an English +field, with English sand, and looking as much at home as if he was in +his foreign fastnesses.</p> + +<p>The enemy seemed to read Oswald's thoughts with deadly unerringness. He +said:</p> + +<p>"The English are somewhere over on the other side of the hill. They are +trying to keep us out of Maidstone."</p> + +<p>After this our plan of mingling with the troops did not seem worth going +on with. This soldier, in spite of his unerringness in reading Oswald's +inmost heart, seemed not so very sharp in other things, or he would +never have given away his secret plans like this, for he must have known +from our accents that we were Britons to the backbone. Or perhaps +(Oswald thought this, and it made his blood at once boil and freeze, +which our uncle had told us was possible, but only in India), perhaps he +thought that Maidstone was already as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">[Pg 274]</a></span> good as taken and it didn't +matter what he said. While Oswald was debating within his intellect what +to say next, and how to say it so as to discover as many as possible of +the enemy's dark secrets, Noël said:</p> + +<p>"How did you get here? You weren't here yesterday at tea-time."</p> + +<p>The soldier gave the pot another sandy rub, and said:</p> + +<p>"I dare say it does seem quick work—the camp seems as if it had sprung +up in the night, doesn't it?—like a mushroom."</p> + +<p>Alice and Oswald looked at each other, and then at the rest of us. The +words "<i>sprung up in the night</i>" seemed to touch a string in every +heart.</p> + +<p>"You see," whispered Noël, "he won't tell us how he came here. <i>Now</i>, is +it humbug or history?"</p> + +<p>Oswald, after whisperedly requesting his young brother to dry up and not +bother, remarked:</p> + +<p>"Then you're an invading army?"</p> + +<p>"Well," said the soldier, "we're a skeleton battalion, as a matter of +fact, but we're invading all right enough."</p> + +<p>And now indeed the blood of the stupidest of us froze, just as the +quick-witted Oswald's had done earlier in the interview. Even H. O. +opened his mouth and went the color of mottled soap; he is so fat that +this is the nearest he can go to turning pale.</p> + +<p>Denny said, "But you don't look like skeletons."</p> + +<p>The soldier stared, then he laughed and said:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">[Pg 275]</a></span> "Ah, that's the padding +in our tunics. You should see us in the gray dawn taking our morning +bath in a bucket."</p> + +<p>It was a dreadful picture for the imagination. A skeleton, with its +bones all loose most likely, bathing anyhow in a pail. There was a +silence while we thought it over.</p> + +<p>Now, ever since the cleaning-cauldron soldier had said that about taking +Maidstone, Alice had kept on pulling at Oswald's jacket behind, and he +had kept on not taking any notice. But now he could not stand it any +longer, so he said, "Well, what is it?"</p> + +<p>Alice drew him aside, or rather, she pulled at his jacket so that he +nearly fell over backwards, and then she whispered, "Come along, don't +stay parleying with the foe. He's only talking to you to gain time."</p> + +<p>"What for?" said Oswald.</p> + +<p>"Why, so that we shouldn't warn the other army, you silly," Alice said, +and Oswald was so upset by what she said that he forgot to be properly +angry with her for the wrong word she used.</p> + +<p>"But we ought to warn them at home," she said; "suppose the Moat House +was burned down, and all the supplies commandeered for the foe?"</p> + +<p>Alice turned boldly to the soldier. "<i>Do</i> you burn down farms?" she +asked.</p> + +<p>"Well, not as a rule," he said, and he had the cheek to wink at Oswald, +but Oswald would not look at him. "We've not burned a farm since—oh, +not for years."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">[Pg 276]</a></span></p> + +<p>"A farm in Greek history it was, I expect," Denny murmured.</p> + +<p>"Civilized warriors do not burn farms nowadays," Alice said, sternly, +"whatever they did in Greek times. You ought to know that."</p> + +<p>The soldier said things had changed a good deal since Greek times. So we +said good-morning as quickly as we could: it is proper to be polite even +to your enemy, except just at the moments when it has really come to +rifles and bayonets or other weapons.</p> + +<p>The soldier said, "So long!" in quite a modern voice, and we retraced +our footsteps in silence to the ambush—I mean the wood. Oswald did +think of lying in the ambush then, but it was rather wet, because of the +rain the night before, that H. O. said had brought the army-seed up. And +Alice walked very fast, saying nothing but "Hurry up, can't you!" and +dragging H. O. by one hand and Noël by the other. So we got into the +road.</p> + +<p>Then Alice faced round and said, "This is all our fault. If we hadn't +sowed those dragon's teeth there wouldn't have been any invading army."</p> + +<p>I am sorry to say Daisy said, "Never mind, Alice, dear. <i>We</i> didn't sow +the nasty things, did we, Dora?"</p> + +<p>But Denny told her it was just the same. It was <i>we</i> had done it, so +long as it was any of us, especially if it got any of us into trouble. +Oswald was very pleased to see that the Dentist was beginning<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">[Pg 277]</a></span> to +understand the meaning of true manliness, and about the honor of the +house of Bastable, though of course he is only a Foulkes. Yet it is +something to know he does his best to learn.</p> + +<p>If you are very grown-up, or very clever, I dare say you will now have +thought of a great many things. If you have you need not say anything, +especially if you're reading this aloud to anybody. It's no good putting +in what you think in this part, because none of us thought anything of +the kind at the time.</p> + +<p>We simply stood in the road without any of your clever thoughts, filled +with shame and distress to think of what might happen owing to the +dragon's teeth being sown. It was a lesson to us never to sow seed +without being quite sure what sort it is. This is particularly true of +the penny packets, which sometimes do not come up at all, quite unlike +dragon's teeth.</p> + +<p>Of course H. O. and Noël were more unhappy than the rest of us. This was +only fair.</p> + +<p>"How can we possibly prevent their getting to Maidstone?" Dicky said. +"Did you notice the red cuffs on their uniforms? Taken from the bodies +of dead English soldiers, I shouldn't wonder."</p> + +<p>"If they're the old Greek kind of dragon's-teeth soldiers they ought to +fight each other to death," Noël said; "at least, if we had a helmet to +throw among them."</p> + +<p>But none of us had, and it was decided that it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">[Pg 278]</a></span> would be no use for H. +O. to go back and throw his straw hat at them, though he wanted to.</p> + +<p>Denny said, suddenly:</p> + +<p>"Couldn't we alter the sign-posts, so that they wouldn't know the way to +Maidstone?"</p> + +<p>Oswald saw that this was the time for true generalship to be shown. He +said:</p> + +<p>"Fetch all the tools out of your chest—Dicky go too, there's a good +chap, and don't let him cut his legs with the saw." He did once, +tumbling over it. "Meet us at the cross-roads, you know, where we had +the Benevolent Bar. Courage and despatch, and look sharp about it."</p> + +<p>When they had gone we hastened to the cross-roads, and there a great +idea occurred to Oswald. He used the forces at his command so ably that +in a very short time the board in the field which says "No thoroughfare. +Trespassers will be prosecuted" was set up in the middle of the road to +Maidstone. We put stones, from a heap by the road, behind it to make it +stand up.</p> + +<p>Then Dicky and Denny came back, and Dicky shinned up the sign-post and +sawed off the two arms, and we nailed them up wrong, so that it said "To +Maidstone" on the Dover Road, and "To Dover" on the road to Maidstone. +We decided to leave the Trespassers board on the real Maidstone road, as +an extra guard.</p> + +<p>Then we settled to start at once to warn Maidstone.</p> + +<p>Some of us did not want the girls to go, but it would have been unkind +to say so. However,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">[Pg 279]</a></span> there was at least one breast that felt a pang of +joy when Dora and Daisy gave out that they would rather stay where they +were and tell anybody who came by which was the real road.</p> + +<p>"Because it would be so dreadful if some one was going to buy pigs or +fetch a doctor or anything in a hurry and then found they had got to +Dover instead of where they wanted to go to," Dora said. But when it +came to dinner-time they went home, so that they were entirely out of +it. This often happens to them by some strange fatalism.</p> + +<p>We left Martha to take care of the two girls, and Lady and Pincher went +with us. It was getting late in the day, but I am bound to remember no +one said anything about their dinners, whatever they may have thought. +We cannot always help our thoughts. We happened to know it was roast +rabbits and currant jelly that day.</p> + +<p>We walked two and two, and sang the "British Grenadiers" and "Soldiers +of the Queen" so as to be as much part of the British army as possible. +The Cauldron-Man had said the English were the other side of the hill. +But we could not see any scarlet anywhere, though we looked for it as +carefully as if we had been fierce bulls.</p> + +<p>But suddenly we went round a turn in the road and came plump into a lot +of soldiers. Only they were not red-coats. They were dressed in gray and +silver. And it was a sort of furzy-common place, and three roads +branching out. The men<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">[Pg 280]</a></span> were lying about, with some of their belts +undone, smoking pipes and cigarettes.</p> + +<p>"It's not British soldiers," Alice said. "Oh, dear, oh, dear, I'm afraid +it's more enemy. You didn't sow the army-seed anywhere else, did you, H. +O., dear?"</p> + +<p>H. O. was positive he hadn't. "But perhaps lots more came up where we +did sow them," he said; "they're all over England by now, very likely. +<i>I</i> don't know how many men can grow out of one dragon's tooth."</p> + +<p>Then Noël said, "It was my doing, anyhow, and I'm not afraid," and he +walked straight up to the nearest soldier, who was cleaning his pipe +with a piece of grass, and said:</p> + +<p>"Please, are you the enemy?" The man said:</p> + +<p>"No, young commander-in-chief, we're the English."</p> + +<p>Then Oswald took command.</p> + +<p>"Where is the general?" he said.</p> + +<p>"We're out of generals just now, field-marshal," the man said, and his +voice was a gentleman's voice. "Not a single one in stock. We might suit +you in majors now—and captains are quite cheap. Competent corporals +going for a song. And we have a very nice colonel, too—quiet to ride or +drive."</p> + +<p>Oswald does not mind chaff at proper times. But this was not one.</p> + +<p>"You seem to be taking it very easy," he said, with disdainful +expression.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">[Pg 281]</a></span></p> + +<p>"This <i>is</i> an easy," said the gray soldier, sucking at his pipe to see +if it would draw.</p> + +<p>"I suppose <i>you</i> don't care if the enemy gets into Maidstone or not!" +exclaimed Oswald, bitterly. "If I were a soldier I'd rather die than be +beaten."</p> + +<p>The soldier saluted. "Good old patriotic sentiment," he said, smiling at +the heartfelt boy. But Oswald could bear no more.</p> + +<p>"Which is the colonel?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Over there—near the gray horse."</p> + +<p>"The one lighting a cigarette?" H. O. asked.</p> + +<p>"Yes—but I say, kiddie, he won't stand any jaw. There's not an ounce of +vice about him, but he's peppery. He might kick out. You'd better bunk."</p> + +<p>"Better what?" asked H. O.</p> + +<p>"Bunk, bottle, scoot, skip, vanish, exit," said the soldier.</p> + +<p>"That's what you'd do when the fighting begins," said H. O. He is often +rude like that—but it was what we all thought, all the same. The +soldier only laughed.</p> + +<p>A spirited but hasty altercation among ourselves in whispers ended in +our allowing Alice to be the one to speak to the colonel. It was she who +wanted to. "However peppery he is he won't kick a girl," she said, and +perhaps this was true.</p> + +<p>But of course we all went with her. So there were six of us to stand in +front of the colonel. And as we went along we agreed that we would +salute him on the word three. So when we got<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">[Pg 282]</a></span> near, Dick said, "One, +two, three," and we all saluted very well—except H. O., who chose that +minute to trip over a rifle a soldier had left lying about, and was only +saved from falling by a man in a cocked hat who caught him deftly by the +back of his jacket and stood him up on his legs.</p> + +<p>"Let go, can't you," said H. O. "Are you the general?"</p> + +<p>Before the Cocked Hat had time to frame a reply, Alice spoke to the +colonel. I knew what she meant to say, because she had told me as we +threaded our way among the resting soldiery. What she really said was:</p> + +<p>"Oh, how <i>can</i> you!"</p> + +<p>"How can I <i>what</i>?" said the colonel, rather crossly.</p> + +<p>"Why, <i>smoke</i>?" said Alice.</p> + +<p>"My good children, if you're an infant Band of Hope, let me recommend +you to play in some other back yard," said the Cocked-Hatted Man.</p> + +<p>H. O. said, "Band of Hope yourself"—but no one noticed it.</p> + +<p>"We're <i>not</i> a Band of Hope," said Noël. "We're British, and the man +over there told us you are. And Maidstone's in danger, and the enemy not +a mile off, and you stand <i>smoking</i>." Noël was standing crying, himself, +or something very like it.</p> + +<p>"It's quite true," Alice said.</p> + +<p>The colonel said, "Fiddle de dee."</p> + +<p>But the Cocked-Hatted Man said, "What was the enemy like?"</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 493px;"> +<img src="images/gs14.jpg" width="493" height="650" alt=""SO WE LED HIM ALONG TO THE AMBUSH"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"SO WE LED HIM ALONG TO THE AMBUSH"</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">[Pg 283]</a></span></p> + +<p>We told him exactly. And even the colonel then owned there might be +something in it.</p> + +<p>"Can you show me the place where they are on the map?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"Not on the map, we can't," said Dicky; "at least, I don't think so, but +on the ground we could. We could take you there in a quarter of an +hour."</p> + +<p>The Cocked-Hatted One looked at the colonel, who returned his scrutiny; +then he shrugged his shoulders.</p> + +<p>"Well, we've got to do something," he said, as if to himself. "Lead on, +Macduff!"</p> + +<p>The colonel roused his soldiery from their stupor of pipes by words of +command which the present author is sorry he can't remember.</p> + +<p>Then he bade us boys lead the way. I tell you it felt fine, marching at +the head of a regiment. Alice got a lift on the Cocked-Hatted One's +horse. It was a red-roan steed of might, exactly as if it had been in a +ballad. They call a gray-roan a "blue" in South Africa, the +Cocked-Hatted One said.</p> + +<p>We led the British army by unfrequented lanes till we got to the gate of +Sugden's Waste Wake pasture. Then the colonel called a whispered halt, +and choosing two of us to guide him, the dauntless and discerning +commander went on, on foot, with an orderly. He chose Dicky and Oswald +as guides. So we led him to the ambush, and we went through it as +quietly as we could. But twigs do crackle and snap so when you are +reconnoitring,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">[Pg 284]</a></span> or anxious to escape detection for whatever reason.</p> + +<p>Our Colonel's orderly crackled most. If you're not near enough to tell a +colonel by the crown and stars on his shoulder-strap, you can tell him +by the orderly behind him, like "follow my leader."</p> + +<p>"Look out!" said Oswald in a low but commanding whisper, "the camp's +down in that field. You can see if you take a squint through this gap."</p> + +<p>The speaker took a squint himself as he spoke, and drew back, baffled +beyond the power of speech. While he was struggling with his baffledness +the British Colonel had his squint. He also drew back, and said a word +that he must have known was not right—at least when he was a boy.</p> + +<p>"I don't care," said Oswald, "they were there this morning. White tents +like mushrooms, and an enemy cleaning a caldron."</p> + +<p>"With sand," said Dicky.</p> + +<p>"That's most convincing," said the Colonel, and I did not like the way +he said it.</p> + +<p>"I say," Oswald said, "let's get to the top corner of the ambush—the +wood, I mean. You can see the cross-roads from there."</p> + +<p>We did, and quickly, for the crackling of branches no longer dismayed +our almost despairing spirits.</p> + +<p>We came to the edge of the wood, and Oswald's patriotic heart really did +give a jump, and he cried, "There they are, on the Dover Road."</p> + +<p>Our miscellaneous sign-board had done its work.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">[Pg 285]</a></span></p> + +<p>"By Jove, young un, you're right! And in quarter column, too! We've got +'em on toast—on toast, egad!"</p> + +<p>I never heard any one not in a book say "egad" before, so I saw +something really out of the way was indeed up.</p> + +<p>The Colonel was a man of prompt and decisive action. He sent the orderly +to tell the Major to advance two companies on the left flank and take +cover. Then we led him back through the wood the nearest way, because he +said he must rejoin the main body at once. We found the main body Very +friendly with Noël and H. O. and the others, and Alice was talking to +the Cocked-Hatted One as if she had known him all her life. "I think +he's a general in disguise," Noël said. "He's been giving us chocolate +out of a pocket in his saddle." Oswald thought about the roast rabbit +then—and he is not ashamed to own it—yet he did not say a word. But +Alice is really not a bad sort. She had saved two bars of chocolate for +him and Dicky. Even in war girls can sometimes be useful in their humble +way.</p> + +<p>The Colonel fussed about and said, "Take cover there!" and everybody hid +in the ditch, and the horses and the Cocked Hat, with Alice, retreated +down the road out of sight. We were in the ditch too. It was muddy—but +nobody thought of their boots in that perilous moment. It seemed a long +time we were crouching there. Oswald began to feel the water squelching +in his boots; so we held our breath and listened. Oswald laid his<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">[Pg 286]</a></span> ear +to the road like a Red Indian. You would not do this in time of peace, +but when your county is in danger you care but little about keeping your +ears clean. His backwoods strategy was successful. He rose and dusted +himself and said:</p> + +<p>"They're coming!"</p> + +<p>It was true. The footsteps of the approaching foe were now to be heard +quite audibly, even by ears in their natural position. The wicked enemy +approached. They were marching with a careless swaggeringness that +showed how little they suspected the horrible doom which was about to +teach them England's might and supremeness. Just as the enemy turned the +corner so that we could see them, the Colonel shouted:</p> + +<p>"Right section, fire!" and there was a deafening banging.</p> + +<p>The enemy's officer said something, and then the enemy got confused and +tried to get into the fields through the hedges. But all was vain. There +was firing now from our men, on the left as well as the right. And then +our Colonel strode nobly up to the enemy's Colonel and demanded +surrender. He told me so afterwards. His exact words are only known to +himself and the other Colonel. But the enemy's Colonel said, "I would +rather die than surrender," or words to that effect.</p> + +<p>Our Colonel returned to his men and gave the order to fix bayonets, and +even Oswald felt his manly cheek turn pale at the thought of the amount +of blood about to be shed. What would have happened can never now be +revealed. For<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">[Pg 287]</a></span> at this moment a man on a piebald horse came clattering +over a hedge—as carelessly as if the air was not full of lead and steel +at all. Another man rode behind him with a lance and a red pennon on it. +I think he must have been the enemy's General coming to tell his men not +to throw away their lives on a forlorn hope, for directly he said they +were captured the enemy gave in and owned that they were. The enemy's +Colonel saluted and ordered his men to form quarter column again. I +should have thought he would have had about enough of that myself.</p> + +<p>He had now given up all thought of sullen resistance to the bitter end. +He rolled a cigarette for himself, and had the foreign cheek to say to +our Colonel:</p> + +<p>"By Jove, old man, you got me clean that time! Your scouts seem to have +marked us down uncommonly neatly."</p> + +<p>It was a proud moment when our Colonel laid his military hand on +Oswald's shoulder and said:</p> + +<p>"This is my chief scout," which were high words, but not undeserved, and +Oswald owns he felt red with gratifying pride when he heard them.</p> + +<p>"So you are the traitor, young man," said the wicked Colonel, going on +with his cheek.</p> + +<p>Oswald bore it because our Colonel had, and you should be generous to a +fallen foe, but it is hard to be called a traitor when you haven't.</p> + +<p>He did not treat the wicked Colonel with silent scorn as he might have +done, but he said:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">[Pg 288]</a></span></p> + +<p>"We aren't traitors. We are the Bastables and one of us is a Foulkes. We +only mingled unsuspected with the enemy's soldiery and learned the +secret of their acts, which is what Baden-Powell always does when the +natives rebel in South Africa; and Denis Foulkes thought of altering the +sign-posts to lead the foe astray. And if we did cause all this +fighting, and get Maidstone threatened with capture and all that, it was +only because we didn't believe Greek things could happen in Great +Britain and Ireland, even if you sow dragon's teeth, and besides, some +of us were not asked about sowing them."</p> + +<p>Then the Cocked-Hatted One led his horse and walked with us and made us +tell him all about it, and so did the Colonel. The wicked Colonel +listened too, which was only another proof of his cheek.</p> + +<p>And Oswald told the tale in the modest yet manly way that some people +think he has, and gave the others all the credit they deserved. His +narration was interrupted no less than four times by shouts of "Bravo!" +in which the enemy's Colonel once more showed his cheek by joining. By +the time the story was told we were in sight of another camp. It was the +British one this time. The Colonel asked us to have tea in his tent, and +it only shows the magnanimosity of English chivalry in the field of +battle that he asked the enemy's Colonel too. With his usual cheek he +accepted. We were jolly hungry.</p> + +<p>When every one had had as much tea as they<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">[Pg 289]</a></span> possibly could, the Colonel +shook hands with us all, and to Oswald he said:</p> + +<p>"Well, good-bye, my brave scout. I must mention your name in my +despatches to the War Office."</p> + +<p>H. O. interrupted him to say, "His name's Oswald Cecil Bastable, and +mine is Horace Octavius." I wish H. O. would learn to hold his tongue. +No one ever knows Oswald was christened Cecil as well, if he can +possibly help it. <i>You</i> didn't know it till now.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Oswald Bastable," the Colonel went on—he had the decency not to +take any notice of the "Cecil"—"you would be a credit to any regiment. +No doubt the War Office will reward you properly for what you have done +for your country. But meantime, perhaps, you'll accept five shillings +from a grateful comrade-in-arms."</p> + +<p>Oswald felt heart-feltly sorry to wound the good Colonel's feelings, but +he had to remark that he had only done his duty, and he was sure no +British scout would take five bob for doing that. "And besides," he +said, with that feeling of justice which is part of his young character, +"it was the others just as much as me."</p> + +<p>"Your sentiments, sir," said the Colonel, who was one of the politest +and most discerning colonels I ever saw, "your sentiments do you honor. +But, Bastables all, and—and non-Bastables" (he couldn't remember +Foulkes; it's not such an interesting name as Bastable, of course), "at +least you'll accept a soldier's pay?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">[Pg 290]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Lucky to touch it, a shilling a day!" Alice and Denny said together. +And the Cocked-Hatted Man said something about knowing your own mind and +knowing your own Kipling.</p> + +<p>"A soldier," said the Colonel, "would certainly be lucky to touch it. +You see there are deductions for rations. Five shillings is exactly +right, deducting twopence each for six teas."</p> + +<p>This seemed cheap for the three cups of tea and the three eggs and all +the strawberry-jam and bread-and-butter Oswald had had, as well as what +the others ate, and Lady's and Pincher's teas, but I suppose soldiers +get things cheaper than civilians, which is only right.</p> + +<p>Oswald took the five shillings then, there being no longer any scruples +why he should not.</p> + +<p>Just as we had parted from the brave Colonel and the rest we saw a +bicycle coming. It was Albert's uncle. He got off and said:</p> + +<p>"What on earth have you been up to? What were you doing with those +volunteers?"</p> + +<p>We told him the wild adventures of the day, and he listened, and then he +said he would withdraw the word volunteers if we liked.</p> + +<p>But the seeds of doubt were sown in the breast of Oswald. He was now +almost sure that we had made jolly fools of ourselves without a moment's +pause throughout the whole of this eventful day. He said nothing at the +time, but after supper he had it out with Albert's uncle about the word +which had been withdrawn.</p> + +<p>Albert's uncle said, of course, no one could be<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">[Pg 291]</a></span> sure that the dragon's +teeth hadn't come up in the good old-fashioned way, but that, on the +other hand, it was barely possible that both the British and the enemy +were only volunteers having a field-day or sham fight, and he rather +thought the Cocked-Hatted Man was not a general, but a doctor. And the +man with a red pennon carried behind him <i>might</i> have been the umpire.</p> + +<p>Oswald never told the others a word of this. Their young breasts were +all panting with joy because they had saved their country; and it would +have been but heartless unkindness to show them how silly they had been. +Besides, Oswald felt he was much too old to have been so taken in—if he +<i>had</i> been. Besides, Albert's uncle did say that no one could be sure +about the dragon's teeth.</p> + +<p>The thing that makes Oswald feel most that, perhaps, the whole thing was +a beastly sell was that we didn't see any wounded. But he tries not to +think of this. And if he goes into the army when he grows up, he will +not go quite green. He has had experience of the arts of war and the +tented field. And a real colonel has called him "Comrade-in-Arms," which +is exactly what Lord Roberts called his own soldiers when he wrote home +about them.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">[Pg 292]</a></span></p> +<h2>ALBERT'S UNCLE'S GRANDMOTHER; OR, THE LONG-LOST</h2> + +<div class="drop"> +<img src="images/drop_t.jpg" width="129" height="125" alt="T" class="cap" /> + +<p class="cap_1">The shadow of the termination now descended in sable thunder-clouds upon +our devoted nobs. As Albert's uncle said, "School now gaped for its +prey." In a very short space of time we should be wending our way back +to Blackheath, and all the variegated delightfulness of the country +would soon be only preserved in memory's faded flowers. (I don't care +for that way of writing very much. It would be an awful swat to keep it +up—looking out the words and all that.)</p></div> + +<p>To speak in the language of every-day life, our holiday was jolly nearly +up. We had had a ripping time, but it was all but over. We really did +feel sorry—though, of course, it was rather decent to think of getting +back to father and being able to tell the other chaps about our raft, +and the dam, and the Tower of Mystery, and things like that.</p> + +<p>When but a brief time was left to us, Oswald and Dicky met by chance in +an apple-tree. (That sounds like "consequences," but it is mere +truthfulness.) Dicky said:</p> + +<p>"Only four more days." Oswald said, "Yes."</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 650px;"> +<img src="images/gs15.jpg" width="650" height="517" alt="THE COUNCIL IN THE APPLE-TREE" title="" /> +<span class="caption">THE COUNCIL IN THE APPLE-TREE</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">[Pg 293]</a></span></p> + +<p>"There's one thing," Dicky said, "that beastly society. We don't want +that swarming all over everything when we get home. We ought to dissolve +it before we leave here."</p> + +<p>The following dialogue now took place:</p> + +<p><i>Oswald</i>—"Right you are. I always said it was piffling rot."</p> + +<p><i>Dicky</i>—"So did I."</p> + +<p><i>Oswald</i>—"Let's call a council. But don't forget we've jolly well got +to put our foot down."</p> + +<p>Dicky assented, and the dialogue concluded with apples.</p> + +<p>The council, when called, was in but low spirits. This made Oswald's and +Dicky's task easier. When people are sunk in gloomy despair about one +thing, they will agree to almost anything about something else. (Remarks +like this are called philosophic generalizations, Albert's uncle says.) +Oswald began by saying:</p> + +<p>"We've tried the society for being good in, and perhaps it's done us +good. But now the time has come for each of us to be good or bad on his +own, without hanging on to the others."</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"The race is run by one and one,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">But never by two and two,"<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>the Dentist said. The others said nothing. Oswald went on: "I move that +we chuck—I mean dissolve—the Wouldbegoods Society; its appointed task +is done. If it's not well done, that's <i>its</i> fault and not ours." Dicky +said, "Hear! hear! I second this prop."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">[Pg 294]</a></span></p> + +<p>The unexpected Dentist said, "I third it. At first I thought it would +help, but afterwards I saw it only made you want to be naughty, just +because you were a Wouldbegood."</p> + +<p>Oswald owns he was surprised. We put it to the vote at once, so as not +to let Denny cool. H. O. and Noël and Alice voted with us, so Daisy and +Dora were what is called a hopeless minority. We tried to cheer their +hopelessness by letting them read the things out of the Golden Deed book +aloud. Noël hid his face in the straw so that we should not see the +faces he made while he made poetry instead of listening, and when the +Wouldbegoods was by vote dissolved forever he sat up, with straws in his +hair, and said:</p> + + +<h4>"THE EPITAPH</h4> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"The Wouldbegoods are dead and gone,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">But not the golden deeds they have done.<br /></span> +<span class="i0">These will remain upon Glory's page<br /></span> +<span class="i0">To be an example to every age,<br /></span> +<span class="i0">And by this we have got to know<br /></span> +<span class="i0">How to be good upon our ow—N.<br /></span> +</div></div> + +<p>N is for Noël, that makes the rhyme and the sense both right. O.W.N., +own; do you see?"</p> + +<p>We saw it, and said so, and the gentle poet was satisfied. And the +council broke up. Oswald felt that a weight had been lifted from his +expanding chest, and it is curious that he never felt so inclined to be +good and a model youth as he did then.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">[Pg 295]</a></span></p> + +<p>As we went down the ladder out of the loft he said:</p> + +<p>"There's one thing we ought to do, though, before we go home. We ought +to find Albert's uncle's long-lost grandmother for him."</p> + +<p>Alice's heart beat true and steadfast. She said: "That's just exactly +what Noël and I were saying this morning. Look out, Oswald, you wretch, +you're kicking chaff into my eyes." She was going down the ladder just +under me.</p> + +<p>Oswald's young sister's thoughtful remark ended in another council. But +not in the straw loft. We decided to have a quite new place, and +disregarded H. O.'s idea of the dairy and Noël's of the cellars. We had +the new council on the secret staircase, and there we settled exactly +what we ought to do. This is the same thing, if you really wish to be +good, as what you are going to do. It was a very interesting council, +and when it was over Oswald was so pleased to think that the +Wouldbegoods was unrecoverishly dead that he gave Denny and Noël, who +were sitting on the step below him, a good-humored, playful, gentle, +loving, brotherly shove, and said, "Get along down, it's tea-time!"</p> + +<p>No reader who understands justice and the real rightness of things, and +who is to blame for what, will ever think it could have been Oswald's +fault that the two other boys got along down by rolling over and over +each other, and bursting the door at the bottom of the stairs open by +their revolving bodies. And I should like to know<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">[Pg 296]</a></span> whose fault it was +that Mrs. Pettigrew was just on the other side of that door at that very +minute? The door burst open, and the impetuous bodies of Noël and Denny +rolled out of it into Mrs. Pettigrew, and upset her and the tea-tray. +Both revolving boys were soaked with tea and milk, and there were one or +two cups and things smashed. Mrs. Pettigrew was knocked over, but none +of her bones were broken. Noël and Denny were going to be sent to bed, +but Oswald said it was all his fault. He really did this to give the +others a chance of doing a refined, golden deed by speaking the truth +and saying it was <i>not</i> his fault. But you cannot really count on any +one. They did not say anything, but only rubbed the lumps on their +late-revolving heads. So it was bed for Oswald, and he felt the +injustice hard.</p> + +<p>But he sat up in bed and read the <i>Last of the Mohicans</i>, and then he +began to think. When Oswald really thinks he almost always thinks of +something. He thought of something now, and it was miles better than the +idea we had decided on in the secret staircase, of advertising in the +<i>Kentish Mercury</i> and saying if Albert's uncle's long-lost grandmother +would call at the Moat House she might hear of something much to her +advantage.</p> + +<p>What Oswald thought of was that if we went to Hazelbridge and asked Mr. +B. Munn, grocer, that drove us home in the cart with the horse that +liked the wrong end of the whip best, he would know who the lady was in +the red hat and red wheels<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">[Pg 297]</a></span> that paid him to drive us home that +Canterbury night. He must have been paid, of course, for even grocers +are not generous enough to drive perfect strangers, and five of them +too, about the country for nothing.</p> + +<p>Thus we may learn that even unjustness and sending the wrong people to +bed may bear useful fruit, which ought to be a great comfort to every +one when they are unfairly treated. Only it most likely won't be. For if +Oswald's brothers and sisters had nobly stood by him, as he expected, he +would not have had the solitudy reflections that led to the great scheme +for finding the grandmother.</p> + +<p>Of course when the others came up to roost they all came and squatted on +Oswald's bed and said how sorry they were. He waived their apologies +with noble dignity, because there wasn't much time, and said he had an +idea that would knock the council's plan into a cocked hat. But he would +not tell them what it was. He made them wait till next morning. This was +not sulks, but kind feeling. He wanted them to have something else to +think of besides the way they hadn't stood by him in the bursting of the +secret staircase door and the tea-tray and the milk.</p> + +<p>Next morning Oswald kindly explained, and asked who would volunteer for +a forced march to Hazelbridge. The word volunteer cost the young Oswald +a pang as soon as he had said it, but I hope he can bear pangs with any +man living. "And mind," he added, hiding the pang under a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">[Pg 298]</a></span> general-like +severeness, "I won't have any one in the expedition who has anything in +his shoes except his feet."</p> + +<p>This could not have been put more delicately and decently. But Oswald is +often misunderstood. Even Alice said it was unkind to throw the pease up +at Denny. When this little unpleasantness had passed away (it took some +time, because Daisy cried, and Dora said, "There now, Oswald!") there +were seven volunteers, which, with Oswald, made eight, and was, indeed, +all of us. There were no cockle-shells, or tape-sandals, or staves, or +scrips, or anything romantic and pious about the eight persons who set +out for Hazelbridge that morning, more earnestly wishful to be good and +deedful—at least Oswald, I know was—than ever they had been in the +days of the beastly Wouldbegood Society. It was a fine day. Either it +was fine nearly all last summer, which is how Oswald remembers it, or +else nearly all the interesting things we did came on fine days.</p> + +<p>With hearts light and gay, and no pease in any one's shoes, the walk to +Hazelbridge was perseveringly conducted. We took our lunch with us, and +the dear dogs. Afterwards we wished for a time that we had left one of +them at home. But they did so want to come, all of them, and Hazelbridge +is not nearly as far as Canterbury, really, so even Martha was allowed +to put on her things—I mean her collar—and come with us. She walks +slowly, but we had the day before us, so there was no extra hurry.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">[Pg 299]</a></span></p> + +<p>At Hazelbridge we went into B. Munn's grocer's shop and asked for +ginger-beer to drink. They gave it us, but they seemed surprised at us +wanting to drink it there, and the glass was warm—it had just been +washed. We only did it, really, so as to get into conversation with B. +Munn, grocer, and extract information without rousing suspicion. You +cannot be too careful.</p> + +<p>However, when we had said it was first-class ginger-beer, and paid for +it, we found it not so easy to extract anything more from B. Munn, +grocer; and there was an anxious silence while he fiddled about behind +the counter among the tinned meats and sauce bottles, with a fringe of +hob-nailed boots hanging over his head.</p> + +<p>H. O. spoke suddenly. He is like the sort of person who rushes in where +angels fear to tread, as Denny says (say what sort of person that is). +He said:</p> + +<p>"I say, you remember driving us home that day. Who paid for the cart?"</p> + +<p>Of course B. Munn, grocer, was not such a nincompoop (I like that word, +it means so many people I know) as to say right off. He said:</p> + +<p>"I was paid all right, young gentleman. Don't you terrify yourself."</p> + +<p>People in Kent say terrify when they mean worry.</p> + +<p>So Dora shoved in a gentle oar. She said:</p> + +<p>"We want to know the kind lady's name and address, so that we can write +and thank her for being so jolly that day."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">[Pg 300]</a></span></p> + +<p>B. Munn, grocer, muttered something about the lady's address being goods +he was often asked for. Alice said, "But do tell us. We forgot to ask +her. She's a relation of a second-hand uncle of ours, and I do so want +to thank her properly. And if you've got any extra strong peppermints at +a penny an ounce, we should like a quarter of a pound."</p> + +<p>This was a master-stroke. While he was weighing out the peppermints his +heart got soft, and just as he was twisting up the corner of the paper +bag, Dora said, "What lovely fat peppermints! Do tell us."</p> + +<p>And B. Munn's heart was now quite melted, and he said:</p> + +<p>"It's Miss Ashleigh, and she lives at The Cedars—about a mile down the +Maidstone Road."</p> + +<p>We thanked him, and Alice paid for the peppermints. Oswald was a little +anxious when she ordered such a lot, but she and Noël had got the money +all right, and when we were outside on Hazelbridge Green (a good deal of +it is gravel, really), we stood and looked at each other.</p> + +<p>Then Dora said:</p> + +<p>"Let's go home and write a beautiful letter and all sign it."</p> + +<p>Oswald looked at the others. Writing is all very well, but it's such a +beastly long time to wait for anything to happen afterwards.</p> + +<p>The intelligent Alice divined his thoughts, and the Dentist divined +hers—he is not clever enough<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">[Pg 301]</a></span> yet to divine Oswald's—and the two said +together:</p> + +<p>"Why not go and see her?"</p> + +<p>"She <i>did</i> say she would like to see us again some day," Dora replied. +So after we had argued a little about it we went.</p> + +<p>And before we had gone a hundred yards down the dusty road Martha began +to make us wish with all our hearts we had not let her come. She began +to limp, just as a pilgrim, who I will not name, did when he had the +split pease in his silly, palmering shoes.</p> + +<p>So we called a halt and looked at her feet. One of them was quite +swollen and red. Bulldogs almost always have something the matter with +their feet, and it always comes on when least required. They are not the +right breed for emergencies.</p> + +<p>There was nothing for it but to take it in turns to carry her. She is +very stout, and you have no idea how heavy she is. A half-hearted, +unadventurous person (I name no names, but Oswald, Alice, Noël, H. O., +Dicky, Daisy, and Denny will understand me) said, why not go straight +home and come another day without Martha? But the rest agreed with +Oswald when he said it was only a mile, and perhaps we might get a lift +home with the poor invalid. Martha was very grateful to us for our +kindness. She put her fat white arms round the person's neck who +happened to be carrying her. She is very affectionate, but by holding +her very close to you you can keep her from kissing your face all the +time. As Alice<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">[Pg 302]</a></span> said, "Bulldogs do give you such large, wet, pink +kisses."</p> + +<p>A mile is a good way when you have to take your turn at carrying Martha.</p> + +<p>At last we came to a hedge with a ditch in front of it, and chains +swinging from posts to keep people off the grass and out of the ditch, +and a gate with "The Cedars" on it in gold letters. All very neat and +tidy, and showing plainly that more than one gardener was kept. There we +stopped. Alice put Martha down, grunting with exhaustedness, and said:</p> + +<p>"Look here, Dora and Daisy, I don't believe a bit that it's his +grandmother. I'm sure Dora was right, and it's only his horrid +sweetheart. I feel it in my bones. Now, don't you really think we'd +better chuck it; we're sure to catch it for interfering. We always do."</p> + +<p>"The cross of true love never did come smooth," said the Dentist. "We +ought to help him to bear his cross."</p> + +<p>"But if we find her for him, and she's not his grandmother, he'll +<i>marry</i> her," Dicky said, in tones of gloominess and despair.</p> + +<p>Oswald felt the same, but he said, "Never mind. We should all hate it, +but perhaps Albert's uncle <i>might</i> like it. You can never tell. If you +want to do a really unselfish action and no kid, now's your time, my +late Wouldbegoods."</p> + +<p>No one had the face to say right out that they didn't want to be +unselfish.</p> + +<p>But it was with sad hearts that the unselfish<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_303" id="Page_303">[Pg 303]</a></span> seekers opened the long +gate and went up the gravel drive between the rhododendrons and other +shrubberies towards the house.</p> + +<p>I think I have explained to you before that the eldest son of anybody is +called the representative of the family if his father isn't there. This +was why Oswald now took the lead. When we got to the last turn of the +drive it was settled that the others were to noiselessly ambush in the +rhododendrons, and Oswald was to go on alone and ask at the house for +the grandmother from India—I mean Miss Ashleigh.</p> + +<p>So he did, but when he got to the front of the house and saw how neat +the flower-beds were with red geraniums, and the windows all bright and +speckless with muslin blinds and brass rods, and a green parrot in a +cage in the porch, and the doorstep newly whited, lying clean and +untrodden in the sunshine, he stood still and thought of his boots and +how dusty the roads were, and wished he had not gone into the farmyard +after eggs before starting that morning. As he stood there in anxious +uncertainness he heard a low voice among the bushes. It said, "Hist! +Oswald, here!" and it was the voice of Alice.</p> + +<p>So he went back to the others among the shrubs, and they all crowded +round their leader, full of impartable news.</p> + +<p>"She's not in the house; she's <i>here</i>," Alice said, in a low whisper +that seemed nearly all S's. "Close by—she went by just this minute with +a gentleman."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_304" id="Page_304">[Pg 304]</a></span></p> + +<p>"And they're sitting on a seat under a tree on a little lawn, and she's +got her head on his shoulder, and he's holding her hand. I never saw any +one look so silly in all my born," Dicky said.</p> + +<p>"It's sickening," Denny said, trying to look very manly with his legs +wide apart.</p> + +<p>"I don't know," Oswald whispered. "I suppose it wasn't Albert's uncle?"</p> + +<p>"Not much," Dicky briefly replied.</p> + +<p>"Then don't you see it's all right. If she's going on like that with +this other fellow, she'll want to marry him, and Albert's uncle is safe. +And we've really done an unselfish action without having to suffer for +it afterwards." With a stealthy movement Oswald rubbed his hands as he +spoke in real joyfulness. We decided that we had better bunk unnoticed. +But we had reckoned without Martha. She had strolled off limping to look +about her a bit in the shrubbery. "Where's Martha?" Dora suddenly said.</p> + +<p>"She went that way," pointingly remarked H. O.</p> + +<p>"Then fetch her back, you young duffer! What did you let her go for?" +Oswald said; "and look sharp. Don't make a row."</p> + +<p>He went. A minute later we heard a hoarse squeak from Martha—the one +she always gives when suddenly collared from behind—and a little squeal +in a lady-like voice, and a man say "Hallo!" and then we knew that H. O. +had once more rushed in where angels might have thought twice about it. +We hurried to the fatal spot, but it was too late. We were just in time +to hear H. O. say:</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 490px;"> +<img src="images/gs16.jpg" width="490" height="650" alt=""ARE YOU GOING TO MARRY THE LADY?"" title="" /> +<span class="caption">"ARE YOU GOING TO MARRY THE LADY?"</span> +</div><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_305" id="Page_305">[Pg 305]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I'm sorry if she frightened you. But we've been looking for you. Are +you Albert's uncle's long-lost grandmother?"</p> + +<p>"<i>No</i>," said our lady, unhesitatingly.</p> + +<p>It seemed vain to add seven more agitated actors to the scene now going +on. We stood still. The man was standing up. He was a clergyman, and I +found out afterwards he was the nicest we ever knew, except our own Mr. +Bristow at Lewisham, who is now a canon, or a dean, or something grand +that no one ever sees. At present I did not like him. He said: "No, this +lady is nobody's grandmother. May I ask in return how long it is since +you escaped from the lunatic asylum, my poor child, and where your +keeper is?"</p> + +<p>H. O. took no notice of this at all, except to say: "I think you are +very rude, and not at all funny, if you think you are."</p> + +<p>The lady said: "My dear, I remember you now perfectly. How are all the +others, and are you pilgrims again to-day?"</p> + +<p>H. O. does not always answer questions. He turned to the man and said:</p> + +<p>"Are you going to marry the lady?"</p> + +<p>"Margaret," said the clergyman, "I never thought it would come to this: +he asks me my intentions!"</p> + +<p>"If you <i>are</i>," said H. O., "it's all right; because if you do, Albert's +uncle can't—at least, not till you're dead. And we don't want him to."<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_306" id="Page_306">[Pg 306]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Flattering, upon my word," said the clergyman, putting on a deep frown. +"Shall I call him out, Margaret, for his poor opinion of you, or shall I +send for the police?"</p> + +<p>Alice now saw that H. O., though firm, was getting muddled and rather +scared. She broke cover and sprang into the middle of the scene.</p> + +<p>"Don't let him rag H. O. any more," she said, "it's all our faults. You +see, Albert's uncle was so anxious to find you, we thought perhaps you +were his long-lost heiress sister or his old nurse who alone knew the +secret of his birth, or something, and we asked him, and he said you +were his long-lost grandmother he had known in India. And we thought +that must be a mistake and that really you were his long-lost +sweetheart. And we tried to do a really unselfish act and find you for +him. Because we don't want him to be married at all."</p> + +<p>"It isn't because we don't like <i>you</i>," Oswald cut in, now emerging from +the bushes; "and if he must marry, we'd sooner it was you than any one. +Really we would."</p> + +<p>"A generous concession, Margaret," the strange clergyman uttered, "most +generous, but the plot thickens. It's almost pea-soup-like now. One or +two points clamor for explanation. Who are these visitors of yours? Why +this Red Indian method of paying morning calls? Why the lurking attitude +of the rest of the tribe which I now discern among the undergrowth? +Won't you ask the rest of the tribe to come out and join the glad +throng?"<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_307" id="Page_307">[Pg 307]</a></span></p> + +<p>Then I liked him better. I always like people who know the same songs we +do, and books and tunes and things.</p> + +<p>The others came out. The lady looked very uncomfy, and partly as if she +was going to cry. But she couldn't help laughing, too, as more and more +of us came out.</p> + +<p>"And who," the clergyman went on—"who in fortune's name is Albert? And +who is his uncle? And what have they or you to do in this <i>galère</i>—I +mean garden?"</p> + +<p>We all felt rather silly, and I don't think I ever felt more than then +what an awful lot there were of us.</p> + +<p>"Three years' absence in Calcutta or elsewhere may explain my ignorance +of these details, but still—"</p> + +<p>"I think we'd better go," said Dora. "I'm sorry if we've done anything +rude or wrong. We didn't mean to. Good-bye. I hope you'll be happy with +the gentleman, I'm sure."</p> + +<p>"I <i>hope</i> so too," said Noël, and I know he was thinking how much nicer +Albert's uncle was. We turned to go. The lady had been very silent +compared with what she was when she pretended to show us Canterbury. But +now she seemed to shake off some dreamy silliness, and caught hold of +Dora by the shoulder.</p> + +<p>"No, dear, no," she said, "it's all right, and you must have some +tea—we'll have it on the lawn. John, don't tease them any more. +Albert's uncle is the gentleman T told you about. And, my dear<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_308" id="Page_308">[Pg 308]</a></span> +children, this is my brother that I haven't seen for three years."</p> + +<p>"Then he's a long-lost too," said H. O.</p> + +<p>The lady said, "Not now," and smiled at him. And the rest of us were +dumb with confounding emotions. Oswald was particularly dumb. He might +have known it was her brother, because in rotten grown-up books if a +girl kisses a man in a shrubbery that is not the man you think she's in +love with; it always turns out to be a brother, though generally the +disgrace of the family and not a respectable chaplain from Calcutta.</p> + +<p>The lady now turned to her reverend and surprising brother and said: +"John, go and tell them we'll have tea on the lawn."</p> + +<p>When he was gone she stood quite still a minute. Then she said: "I'm +going to tell you something, but I want to put you on your honor not to +talk about it to other people. You see it isn't every one I would tell +about it. He, Albert's uncle, I mean, has told me a lot about you, and I +know I can trust you."</p> + +<p>We said "Yes," Oswald with a brooding sentiment of knowing all too well +what was coming next.</p> + +<p>The lady then said: "Though I am not Albert's uncle's grandmother, I did +know him in India once, and we were going to be married, but we had +a—a—misunderstanding."</p> + +<p>"Quarrel?" "Row?" said Noël and H. O. at once.</p> + +<p>"Well, yes, a quarrel, and he went away. He<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_309" id="Page_309">[Pg 309]</a></span> was in the Navy then. And +then,... well, we were both sorry; but well, anyway, when his ship came +back we'd gone to Constantinople, then to England, and he couldn't find +us. And he says he's been looking for me ever since."</p> + +<p>"Not you for him?" said Noël.</p> + +<p>"Well, perhaps," said the lady.</p> + +<p>And the girls said "Ah!" with deep interest. The lady went on more +quickly. "And then I found you, and then he found me, and now I must +break it to you. Try to bear up...."</p> + +<p>She stopped. The branches crackled, and Albert's uncle was in our midst. +He took off his hat. "Excuse my tearing my hair," he said to the lady, +"but has the pack really hunted you down?"</p> + +<p>"It's all right," she said, and when she looked at him she got miles +prettier quite suddenly. "I was just breaking to them...."</p> + +<p>"Don't take that proud privilege from me," he said. "Kiddies, allow me +to present you to the future Mrs. Albert's uncle, or shall we say +Albert's new aunt?"</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>There was a good deal of explaining done before tea—about how we got +there, I mean, and why. But after the first bitterness of disappointment +we felt not nearly so sorry as we had expected to. For Albert's uncle's +lady was very jolly to us, and her brother was awfully decent, and +showed us a lot of first-class native curiosities and things, unpacking +them on purpose: skins of beasts, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_310" id="Page_310">[Pg 310]</a></span> beads, and brass things, and +shells from different savage lands besides India. And the lady told the +girls that she hoped they would like her as much as she liked them, and +if they wanted a new aunt she would do her best to give satisfaction in +the new situation. And Alice thought of the Murdstone aunt belonging to +Daisy and Denny, and how awful it would have been if Albert's uncle had +married <i>her</i>. And she decided, she told me afterwards, that we might +think ourselves jolly lucky it was no worse.</p> + +<p>Then the lady led Oswald aside, pretending to show him the parrot, which +he had explored thoroughly before, and told him she was not like some +people in books. When she was married she would never try to separate +her husband from his bachelor friends, she only wanted them to be her +friends as well.</p> + +<p>Then there was tea, and thus all ended in amicableness, and the reverend +and friendly drove us home in a wagonette. But for Martha we shouldn't +have had tea, or explanations, or lift, or anything. So we honored her, +and did not mind her being so heavy and walking up and down constantly +on our laps as we drove home.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>And that is all the story of the long-lost grandmother and Albert's +uncle. I am afraid it is rather dull, but it was very important (to +him), so I felt it ought to be narrated. Stories about lovers and +getting married are generally slow. I like a love-story where the hero +parts with the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_311" id="Page_311">[Pg 311]</a></span> girl at the garden-gate in the gloaming and goes off and +has adventures, and you don't see her any more till he comes home to +marry her at the end of the book. And I suppose people have to marry. +Albert's uncle is awfully old—more than thirty, and the lady is +advanced in years—twenty-six next Christmas. They are to be married +then. The girls are to be bridesmaids in white frocks with fur. This +quite consoles them. If Oswald repines sometimes, he hides it. What's +the use? We all have to meet our fell destiny, and Albert's uncle is not +extirpated from this awful law.</p> + +<p>Now the finding of the long-lost was the very last thing we did for the +sake of its being a noble act, so that is the end of the Wouldbegoods, +and there are no more chapters after this. But Oswald hates books that +finish up without telling you the things you might want to know about +the people in the book. So here goes. We went home to the beautiful +Blackheath house. It seemed very stately and mansion-like after the Moat +House, and every one was most frightfully pleased to see us.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Pettigrew <i>cried</i> when we went away. I never was so astonished in +my life. She made each of the girls a fat red pincushion like a heart, +and each of us boys had a knife bought out of the housekeeping (I mean +housekeeper's own) money.</p> + +<p>Bill Simpkins is happy as sub-under-gardener to Albert's uncle's lady's +mother. They do keep three gardeners—I knew they did. And our<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_312" id="Page_312">[Pg 312]</a></span> tramp +still earns enough to sleep well on from our dear old Pig-man.</p> + +<p>Our last three days were entirely filled up with visits of farewell +sympathy to all our many friends who were so sorry to lose us. We +promised to come and see them next year. I hope we shall.</p> + +<p>Denny and Daisy went back to live with their father at Forest Hill. I +don't think they'll ever be again the victims of the Murdstone aunt—who +is really a great-aunt and about twice as much in the autumn of her days +as our new Albert's uncle aunt. I think they plucked up spirit enough to +tell their father they didn't like her—which they'd never thought of +doing before. Our own robber says their holidays in the country did them +both a great deal of good. And he says us Bastables have certainly +taught Daisy and Denny the rudiments of the art of making home happy. I +believe they have thought of several quite new naughty things entirely +on their own—and done them too—since they came back from the Moat +House.</p> + +<p>I wish you didn't grow up so quickly. Oswald can see that ere long he +will be too old for the kind of games we can all play, and he feels +grown-upness creeping inordiously upon him. But enough of this.</p> + +<p>And now, gentle reader, farewell. If anything in these chronicles of the +Wouldbegoods should make you try to be good yourself, the author will be +very glad, of course. But take<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_313" id="Page_313">[Pg 313]</a></span> my advice and don't make a society for +trying in. It is much easier without.</p> + +<p>And do try to forget that Oswald has another name besides Bastable. The +one beginning with C., I mean. Perhaps you have not noticed what it was. +If so, don't look back for it. It is a name no manly boy would like to +be called by—if he spoke the truth. Oswald is said to be a very manly +boy, and he despises that name, and will never give it to his own son +when he has one. Not if a rich relative offered to leave him an immense +fortune if he did. Oswald would still be firm. He would, on the honor of +the House of Bastable.</p> + + +<h4>THE END</h4> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Wouldbegoods, by E. Nesbit + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WOULDBEGOODS *** + +***** This file should be named 32466-h.htm or 32466-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/2/4/6/32466/ + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Josephine Paolucci and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net. +(This file was produced from images generously made +available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Nesbit + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Wouldbegoods + +Author: E. Nesbit + +Illustrator: Reginald B. Birch + +Release Date: May 21, 2010 [EBook #32466] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WOULDBEGOODS *** + + + + +Produced by Suzanne Shell, Josephine Paolucci and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net. +(This file was produced from images generously made +available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + + + + + + + +THE WOULDBEGOODS + +[Illustration: + +See p. 47 + +"'AND PATRIOTIC,' SAID HE"] + + + + +_THE WOULDBEGOODS_ + +BY E. NESBIT + +ILLUSTRATED BY + +REGINALD B. BIRCH + +[Illustration] + +HARPER & BROTHERS PUBLISHERS +NEW YORK AND LONDON + + +Copyright, 1900, 1901, by EDITH NESBIT BLAND. + +_All rights reserved._ + +September, 1901. + + +TO + +MY DEAR SON + +FABIAN BLAND + + + + +CONTENTS + + + PAGE + +THE JUNGLE 1 + +THE WOULDBEGOODS 20 + +BILL'S TOMBSTONE 43 + +THE TOWER OF MYSTERY 63 + +THE WATER-WORKS 86 + +THE CIRCUS 111 + +BEING BEAVERS; OR, THE YOUNG EXPLORERS (ARCTIC OR OTHERWISE) 135 + +THE HIGH-BORN BABE 159 + +HUNTING THE FOX 178 + +THE SALE OF ANTIQUITIES 201 + +THE BENEVOLENT BAR 224 + +THE CANTERBURY PILGRIMS 243 + +THE DRAGON'S TEETH; OR, ARMY-SEED 267 + +ALBERT'S UNCLE'S GRANDMOTHER; OR, THE LONG-LOST 292 + + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS + + +"'AND PATRIOTIC,' SAID HE" _Frontispiece_ + +"WE LET THE HOSE PLAY PERSEVERINGLY" _Facing p._ 16 + +"'LITTLE BEASTS!' SAID DICK" " 30 + +"DENNY HELD ALICE'S AND NOEL'S HANDS" " 84 + +"DICKY DRAGGED THE TWO HEAVY BARS" " 98 + +"'OH, DEAR! OH, DEAR!'" " 104 + +"HE SAT DOWN IN THE HEDGE TO LAUGH PROPERLY" " 128 + +"FOUND HIMSELF THE DEGRADED NURSE-MAID +OF A SMALL BUT FURIOUS KID" " 172 + +"'WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?'" " 192 + +"THEN WE PUT IN THE JUGS AND FILLED +IT UP WITH EARTH" " 212 + +"'I THINK YOU MUST LET ME LOOK INSIDE'" " 222 + +"OSWALD ACTUALLY HIT OUT AT THE BIG MAN" " 240 + +"A DOG-CART WITH A YOUNG LADY IN IT" " 256 + +"SO WE LED HIM ALONG TO THE AMBUSH" " 282 + +THE COUNCIL IN THE APPLE-TREE " 292 + +"'AND ARE YOU GOING TO MARRY THIS LADY?'" " 304 + + + + +THE WOULDBEGOODS + + + + +THE JUNGLE + + +"Children are like jam: all very well in the proper place, but you can't +stand them all over the shop--eh, what?" + +These were the dreadful words of our Indian uncle. They made us feel +very young and angry; and yet we could not be comforted by calling him +names to ourselves, as you do when nasty grown-ups say nasty things, +because he is not nasty, but quite the exact opposite when not +irritated. And we could not think it ungentlemanly of him to say we were +like jam, because, as Alice says, jam is very nice indeed--only not on +furniture and improper places like that. My father said, "Perhaps they +had better go to boarding-school." And that was awful, because we know +father disapproves of boarding-schools. And he looked at us and said, "I +am ashamed of them, sir!" + +Your lot is indeed a dark and terrible one when your father is ashamed +of you. And we all knew this, so that we felt in our chests just as if +we had swallowed a hard-boiled egg whole. At least, this is what Oswald +felt, and father said once that Oswald, as the eldest, was the +representative of the family, so, of course, the others felt the same. + +And then everybody said nothing for a short time. At last father said: + +"You may go--but remember--" The words that followed I am not going to +tell you. It is no use telling you what you know before--as they do in +schools. And you must all have had such words said to you many times. We +went away when it was over. The girls cried, and we boys got out books +and began to read, so that nobody should think we cared. But we felt it +deeply in our interior hearts, especially Oswald, who is the eldest and +the representative of the family. + +We felt it all the more because we had not really meant to do anything +wrong. We only thought perhaps the grown-ups would not be quite pleased +if they knew, and that is quite different. Besides, we meant to put all +the things back in their proper places when we had done with them before +any one found out about it. But I must not anticipate (that means +telling the end of a story before the beginning. I tell you this because +it is so sickening to have words you don't know in a story, and to be +told to look it up in the dicker). + +We are the Bastables--Oswald, Dora, Dicky, Alice, Noel, and H. O. If you +want to know why we call our youngest brother H. O. you can jolly well +read _The Treasure Seekers_ and find out. We were the Treasure Seekers, +and we sought it high and low, and quite regularly, because we +particularly wanted to find it. And at last we did not find it, but we +were found by a good, kind Indian uncle, who helped father with his +business, so that father was able to take us all to live in a jolly big +red house on Blackheath, instead of in the Lewisham Road, where we lived +when we were only poor but honest Treasure Seekers. When we were poor +but honest we always used to think that if only father had plenty of +business, and we did not have to go short of pocket-money and wear +shabby clothes (I don't mind this myself, but the girls do), we should +be quite happy and very, very good. + +And when we were taken to the beautiful big Blackheath house we thought +now all would be well, because it was a house with vineries and +pineries, and gas and water, and shrubberies and stabling, and replete +with every modern convenience, like it says in Dyer & Hilton's list of +Eligible House Property. I read all about it, and I have copied the +words quite right. + +It is a beautiful house, all the furniture solid and strong, no casters +off the chairs, and the tables not scratched, and the silver not dented; +and lots of servants, and the most decent meals every day--and lots of +pocket-money. + +But it is wonderful how soon you get used to things, even the things you +want most. Our watches, for instance. We wanted them frightfully; but +when I had had mine a week or two, after the mainspring got broken and +was repaired at Bennett's in the village, I hardly cared to look at the +works at all, and it did not make me feel happy in my heart any more, +though, of course, I should have been very unhappy if it had been taken +away from me. And the same with new clothes and nice dinners and having +enough of everything. You soon get used to it all, and it does not make +you extra happy, although, if you had it all taken away, you would be +very dejected. (That is a good word, and one I have never used before.) +You get used to everything, as I said, and then you want something more. +Father says this is what people mean by the deceitfulness of riches; but +Albert's uncle says it is the spirit of progress, and Mrs. Leslie said +some people called it "divine discontent." Oswald asked them all what +they thought, one Sunday at dinner. Uncle said it was rot, and what we +wanted was bread and water and a licking; but he meant it for a joke. +This was in the Easter holidays. + +We went to live at Morden House at Christmas. After the holidays the +girls went to the Blackheath High School, and we boys went to the Prop. +(that means the Proprietary School). And we had to swot rather during +term; but about Easter we knew the deceitfulness of riches in the vac., +when there was nothing much on, like pantomimes and things. Then there +was the summer term, and we swotted more than ever; and it was boiling +hot, and masters' tempers got short and sharp, and the girls used to +wish the exams, came in cold weather. I can't think why they don't. But +I suppose schools don't think of sensible things like that. They teach +botany at girls' schools. + +Then the midsummer holidays came, and we breathed again--but only for a +few days. We began to feel as if we had forgotten something, and did not +know what it was. We wanted something to happen--only we didn't exactly +know what. So we were very pleased when father said: + +"I've asked Mr. Foulkes to send his children here for a week or two. You +know--the kids who came at Christmas. You must be jolly to them, and see +that they have a good time, don't you know." + +We remembered them right enough--they were little pinky, frightened +things, like white mice, with very bright eyes. They had not been to our +house since Christmas, because Denis, the boy, had been ill, and they +had been with an aunt at Ramsgate. + +Alice and Dora would have liked to get the bedrooms ready for the +honored guests, but a really good housemaid is sometimes more ready to +say "don't" than even a general. So the girls had to chuck it. Jane only +let them put flowers in the pots on the visitors' mantel-pieces, and +then they had to ask the gardener which kind they might pick, because +nothing worth gathering happened to be growing in our own gardens just +then. + +Their train got in at 12.27. We all went to meet them. Afterwards I +thought that was a mistake, because their aunt was with them, and she +wore black with beady things and a tight bonnet, and she said, when we +took our hats off, "Who are you?" quite crossly. + +We said, "We are the Bastables; we've come to meet Daisy and Denny." + +The aunt is a very rude lady, and it made us sorry for Daisy and Denny +when she said to them: + +"_Are_ these the children? Do you remember them?" + +We weren't very tidy, perhaps, because we'd been playing brigands in the +shrubbery; and we knew we should have to wash for dinner as soon as we +got back, anyhow. But still-- + +Denny said he thought he remembered us. But Daisy said, "Of course they +are," and then looked as if she was going to cry. + +So then the aunt called a cab, and told the man where to drive, and put +Daisy and Denny in, and then she said: + +"You two little girls may go too, if you like, but you little boys must +walk." + +So the cab went off, and we were left. The aunt turned to us to say a +few last words. We knew it would have been about brushing your hair and +wearing gloves, so Oswald said, "Good-bye," and turned haughtily away, +before she could begin, and so did the others. No one but that kind of +black, beady, tight lady would say "little boys." She is like Miss +Murdstone in _David Copperfield_. I should like to tell her so; but she +would not understand. I don't suppose she has ever read anything but +_Markham's History_ and _Mangnall's Questions_--improving books like +that. + +When we got home we found all four of those who had ridden in the cab +sitting in our sitting-room--we don't call it nursery now--looking very +thoroughly washed, and our girls were asking polite questions and the +others were saying "Yes" and "No" and "I don't know." We boys did not +say anything. We stood at the window and looked out till the gong went +for our dinner. We felt it was going to be awful--and it was. The +new-comers would never have done for knight-errants, or to carry the +cardinal's sealed message through the heart of France on a horse; they +would never have thought of anything to say to throw the enemy off the +scent when they got into a tight place. + +They said, "Yes, please," and "No, thank you"; and they ate very neatly, +and always wiped their mouths before they drank, as well as after, and +never spoke with them full. + +And after dinner it got worse and worse. + +We got out all our books, and they said, "Thank you," and didn't look at +them properly. And we got out all our toys, and they said, "Thank you, +it's very nice," to everything. And it got less and less pleasant, and +towards tea-time it came to nobody saying anything except Noel and H. +O.--and they talked to each other about cricket. + +After tea father came in, and he played "Letters" with them and the +girls, and it was a little better; but while late dinner was going on--I +shall never forget it. Oswald felt like the hero of a book--"almost at +the end of his resources." I don't think I was ever glad of bedtime +before, but that time I was. + +When they had gone to bed (Daisy had to have all her strings and buttons +undone for her, Dora told me, though she is nearly ten, and Denny said +he couldn't sleep without the gas being left a little bit on) we held a +council in the girls' room. We all sat on the bed--it is a mahogany +four-poster with green curtains very good for tents, only the +housekeeper doesn't allow it, and Oswald said: + +"This is jolly nice, isn't it?" + +"They'll be better to-morrow," Alice said; "they're only shy." + +Dicky said shy was all very well, but you needn't behave like a perfect +idiot. + +"They're frightened. You see, we're all strange to them," Dora said. + +"We're not wild beasts or Indians; we sha'n't eat them. What have they +got to be frightened of?" Dicky said this. + +Noel told us he thought they were an enchanted prince and princess who'd +been turned into white rabbits, and their bodies had got changed back, +but not their insides. + +But Oswald told him to dry up. + +"It's no use making things up about them," he said. "The thing is: what +are we going to _do_? We can't have our holidays spoiled by these +snivelling kids." + +"No," Alice said, "but they can't possibly go on snivelling forever. +Perhaps they've got into the habit of it with that Murdstone aunt. She's +enough to make any one snivel." + +"All the same," said Oswald, "we jolly well aren't going to have another +day like to-day. We must do something to rouse them from their +snivelling leth--what's its name?--something sudden and--what is +it?--decisive." + +"A booby trap," said H. O., "the first thing when they get up, and an +apple-pie bed at night." + +But Dora would not hear of it, and I own she was right. + +"Suppose," she said, "we could get up a good play--like we did when we +were Treasure Seekers." + +We said, "Well, what?" But she did not say. + +"It ought to be a good long thing--to last all day," Dicky said; "and if +they like they can play, and if they don't--" + +"If they don't, I'll read to them," Alice said. + +But we all said: "No, you don't; if you begin that way you'll have to go +on." + +And Dicky added: "I wasn't going to say that at all. I was going to say +if they didn't like it they could jolly well do the other thing." + +We all agreed that we must think of something, but we none of us could, +and at last the council broke up in confusion because Mrs. Blake--she is +the housekeeper--came up and turned off the gas. + +But next morning when we were having breakfast, and the two strangers +were sitting there so pink and clean, Oswald suddenly said: + +"I know; we'll have a jungle in the garden." + +And the others agreed, and we talked about it till brek was over. The +little strangers only said "I don't know" whenever we said anything to +them. + +After brekker Oswald beckoned his brothers and sisters mysteriously +apart and said: + +"Do you agree to let me be captain to-day, because I thought of it?" + +And they said they would. + +Then he said: "We'll play jungle-book, and I shall be Mowgli. The rest +of you can be what you like--Mowgli's father and mother, or any of the +beasts." + +"I don't suppose they know the book," said Noel. "They don't look as if +they read anything, except at lesson times." + +"Then they can go on being beasts all the time," Oswald said. "Any one +can be a beast." + +So it was settled. + +And now Oswald--Albert's uncle has sometimes said he is clever at +arranging things--began to lay his plans for the jungle. The day was +indeed well chosen. Our Indian uncle was away; father was away; Mrs. +Blake was going away, and the housemaid had an afternoon off. Oswald's +first conscious act was to get rid of the white mice--I mean the little +good visitors. He explained to them that there would be a play in the +afternoon, and they could be what they liked, and gave them the +jungle-book to read the stories he told them to--all the ones about +Mowgli. He led the strangers to a secluded spot among the sea-kale pots +in the kitchen garden and left them. Then he went back to the others, +and we had a jolly morning under the cedar talking about what we would +do when Blakie was gone. She went just after our dinner. + +When we asked Denny what he would like to be in the play, it turned out +he had not read the stories Oswald told him at all, but only the "White +Seal" and "Rikki Tikki." + +We then agreed to make the jungle first and dress up for our parts +afterwards. Oswald was a little uncomfortable about leaving the +strangers alone all the morning, so he said Denny should be his +aide-de-camp, and he was really quite useful. He is rather handy with +his fingers, and things that he does up do not come untied. Daisy might +have come too, but she wanted to go on reading, so we let her, which is +the truest manners to a visitor. Of course the shrubbery was to be the +jungle, and the lawn under the cedar a forest glade, and then we began +to collect the things. The cedar lawn is just nicely out of the way of +the windows. It was a jolly hot day--the kind of day when the sunshine +is white and the shadows are dark gray, not black like they are in the +evening. + +We all thought of different things. Of course first we dressed up +pillows in the skins of beasts and set them about on the grass to look +as natural as we could. And then we got Pincher, and rubbed him all over +with powdered slate-pencil, to make him the right color for Gray +Brother. But he shook it all off, and it had taken an awful time to do. +Then Alice said: + +"Oh, I know!" and she ran off to father's dressing-room, and came back +with the tube of _creme d'amande pour la barbe et les mains_, and we +squeezed it on Pincher and rubbed it in, and then the slate-pencil stuff +stuck all right, and he rolled in the dust-bin of his own accord, which +made him just the right color. He is a very clever dog, but soon after +he went off and we did not find him till quite late in the afternoon. +Denny helped with Pincher, and with the wild-beast skins, and when +Pincher was finished he said: + +"Please, may I make some paper birds to put in the trees? I know how." + +And of course we said "Yes," and he only had red ink and newspapers, and +quickly he made quite a lot of large paper birds with red tails. They +didn't look half bad on the edge of the shrubbery. + +While he was doing this he suddenly said, or rather screamed, "Oh!" + +And we looked, and it was a creature with great horns and a fur +rug--something like a bull and something like a minotaur--and I don't +wonder Denny was frightened. It was Alice, and it was first-class. + +Up to now all was not yet lost beyond recall. It was the stuffed fox +that did the mischief--and I am sorry to own it was Oswald who thought +of it. He is not ashamed of having _thought_ of it. That was rather +clever of him. But he knows now that it is better not to take other +people's foxes and things without asking, even if you live in the same +house with them. + +It was Oswald who undid the back of the glass case in the hall and got +out the fox with the green and gray duck in its mouth, and when the +others saw how awfully like life they looked on the lawn, they all +rushed off to fetch the other stuffed things. Uncle has a tremendous lot +of stuffed things. He shot most of them himself--but not the fox, of +course. There was another fox's mask, too, and we hung that in a bush to +look as if the fox was peeping out. And the stuffed birds we fastened on +to the trees with string. The duck-bill--what's its name?--looked very +well sitting on his tail with the otter snarling at him. Then Dicky had +an idea; and though not nearly so much was said about it afterwards as +there was about the stuffed things, I think myself it was just as bad, +though it was a good idea too. He just got the hose and put the end over +a branch of the cedar-tree. Then we got the steps they clean windows +with, and let the hose rest on the top of the steps and run. It was to +be a water-fall, but it ran between the steps and was only wet and +messy; so we got father's mackintosh and uncle's and covered the steps +with them, so that the water ran down all right and was glorious, and it +ran away in a stream across the grass where we had dug a little channel +for it--and the otter and the duck-bill thing were as if in their native +haunts. I hope all this is not very dull to read about. I know it was +jolly good fun to do. Taking one thing with another, I don't know that +we ever had a better time while it lasted. + +We got all the rabbits out of the hutches and put pink paper tails on to +them, and hunted them with horns, made out of the _Times_. They got away +somehow, and before they were caught next day they had eaten a good many +lettuces and other things. Oswald is very sorry for this. He rather +likes the gardener. + +Denny wanted to put paper tails on the guinea-pigs, and it was no use +our telling him there was nothing to tie the paper on to. He thought we +were kidding until we showed him, and then he said, "Well, never mind," +and got the girls to give him bits of the blue stuff left over from +their dressing-gowns. + +"I'll make them sashes to tie round their little middles," he said. And +he did, and the bows stuck up on the tops of their backs. One of the +guinea-pigs was never seen again, and the same with the tortoise when we +had done his shell with vermilion paint. He crawled away and returned no +more. Perhaps some one collected him and thought he was an expensive +kind, unknown in these cold latitudes. + +The lawn under the cedar was transformed into a dream of beauty, what +with the stuffed creatures and the paper-tailed things and the +water-fall. And Alice said: + +"I wish the tigers did not look so flat." For of course with pillows you +can only pretend it is a sleeping tiger getting ready to make a spring +out at you. It is difficult to prop up tiger-skins in a life-like manner +when there are no bones inside them, only pillows and sofa-cushions. +"What about the beer-stands?" I said. And we got two out of the cellar. +With bolsters and string we fastened insides to the tigers--and they +were really fine. The legs of the beer-stand did for tigers' legs. It +was indeed the finishing touch. + +Then we boys put on just our bathing drawers and vests--so as to be able +to play with the water-fall without hurting our clothes. I think this +was thoughtful. The girls only tucked up their frocks and took their +shoes and stockings off. H. O. painted his legs and his hands with +Condy's fluid--to make him brown, so that he might be Mowgli, although +Oswald was captain and had plainly said he was going to be Mowgli +himself. Of course the others weren't going to stand that. So Oswald +said: + +"Very well. Nobody asked you to brown yourself like that. But now you've +done it, you've simply got to go and be a beaver, and live in the dam +under the water-fall till it washes off." + +He said he didn't want to be beavers. And Noel said: + +"Don't make him. Let him be the bronze statue in the palace gardens +that the fountain plays out of." + +So we let him have the hose and hold it up over his head. It made a +lovely fountain, only he remained brown. So then Dicky and Oswald did +ourselves brown too, and dried H. O. as well as we could with our +handkerchiefs, because he was just beginning to snivel. The brown did +not come off any of us for days. + +Oswald was to be Mowgli, and we were just beginning to arrange the +different parts. The rest of the hose that was on the ground was Kaa, +the Rock Python, and Pincher was Gray Brother, only we couldn't find +him. And while most of us were talking, Dicky and Noel got messing about +with the beer-stand tigers. + +And then a really sad event instantly occurred, which was not really our +fault, and we did not mean to. + +That Daisy girl had been mooning indoors all the afternoon with the +jungle books, and now she came suddenly out, just as Dicky and Noel had +got under the tigers and were shoving them along to fright each other. +Of course, this is not in the Mowgli book at all: but they did look +jolly like real tigers, and I am very far from wishing to blame the +girl, though she little knew what would be the awful consequence of her +rash act. But for her we might have got out of it all much better than +we did. + +What happened was truly horrid. + +[Illustration: "WE LET THE HOSE PLAY PERSEVERINGLY"] + +As soon as Daisy saw the tigers she stopped short, and uttering a shriek +like a railway whistle, she fell flat on the ground. + +"Fear not, gentle Indian maiden," Oswald cried, thinking with surprise +that perhaps after all she did know how to play, "I myself will protect +thee." And he sprang forward with the native bow and arrows out of +uncle's study. + +The gentle Indian maiden did not move. + +"Come hither," Dora said, "let us take refuge in yonder covert while +this good knight does battle for us." + +Dora might have remembered that we were savages, but she did not. And +that is Dora all over. And still the Daisy girl did not move. + +Then we were truly frightened. Dora and Alice lifted her up, and her +mouth was a horrid violet color and her eyes half shut. She looked +horrid. Not at all like fair fainting damsels, who are always of an +interesting pallor. She was green, like a cheap oyster on a stall. + +We did what we could, a prey to alarm as we were. We rubbed her hands +and let the hose play gently but perseveringly on her unconscious brow. +The girls loosened her dress, though it was only the kind that comes +down straight without a waist. And we were all doing what we could as +hard as we could, when we heard the click of the front gate. There was +no mistake about it. + +"I hope whoever it is will go straight to the front door," said Alice. +But whoever it was did not. There were feet on the gravel, and there was +the uncle's voice, saying, in his hearty manner: + +"This way. This way. On such a day as this we shall find our young +barbarians all at play somewhere about the grounds." + +And then, without further warning, the uncle, three other gentlemen, and +two ladies burst upon the scene. + +We had no clothes on to speak of--I mean us boys. We were all wet +through. Daisy was in a faint or a fit, or dead, none of us then knew +which. And all the stuffed animals were there staring the uncle in the +face. Most of them had got a sprinkling, and the otter and the duck-bill +brute were simply soaked. And three of us were dark brown. Concealment, +as so often happens, was impossible. + +The quick brain of Oswald saw, in a flash, exactly how it would strike +the uncle, and his brave young blood ran cold in his veins. His heart +stood still. + +"What's all this--eh, what?" said the tones of the wronged uncle. + +Oswald spoke up and said it was jungles we were playing, and he didn't +know what was up with Daisy. He explained as well as any one could, but +words were now in vain. + +The uncle had a Malacca cane in his hand, and we were but ill prepared +to meet the sudden attack. Oswald and H. O. caught it worst. The other +boys were under the tigers--and, of course, my uncle would not strike a +girl. Denny was a visitor and so got off. But it was bread and water for +us for the next three days, and our own rooms. I will not tell you how +we sought to vary the monotonousness of imprisonment. Oswald thought of +taming a mouse, but he could not find one. The reason of the wretched +captives might have given way but for the gutter that you can crawl +along from our room to the girls'. But I will not dwell on this because +you might try it yourselves, and it really is dangerous. When my father +came home we got the talking to, and we said we were sorry--and we +really were--especially about Daisy, though she had behaved with +muffishness, and then it was settled that we were to go into the country +and stay till we had grown into better children. + +Albert's uncle was writing a book in the country; we were to go to his +house. We were glad of this--Daisy and Denny too. This we bore nobly. We +knew we had deserved it. We were all very sorry for everything, and we +resolved that for the future we _would_ be good. + +I am not sure whether we kept this resolution or not. Oswald thinks now +that perhaps we made a mistake in trying so very hard to be good all at +once. You should do everything by degrees. + + * * * * * + +_P.S._--It turned out Daisy was not really dead at all. It was only +fainting--so like a girl. + + * * * * * + +_N.B._--Pincher was found on the drawing-room sofa. + + * * * * * + +_Appendix._--I have not told you half the things we did for the +jungle--for instance, about the elephants' tusks and the horse-hair +sofa-cushions and uncle's fishing-boots. + + + + +THE WOULDBEGOODS + + +When we were sent down into the country to learn to be good we felt it +was rather good business, because we knew our being sent there was +really only to get us out of the way for a little while, and we knew +right enough that it wasn't a punishment, though Mrs. Blake said it was, +because we had been punished thoroughly for taking the stuffed animals +out and making a jungle on the lawn with them, and the garden hose. And +you cannot be punished twice for the same offence. This is the English +law; at least I think so. And at any rate no one would punish you three +times, and we had had the Malacca cane and the solitary confinement; and +the uncle had kindly explained to us that all ill-feeling between him +and us was wiped out entirely by the bread and water we had endured. And +what with the bread and water and being prisoners, and not being able to +tame any mice in our prisons, I quite feel that we had suffered it up +thoroughly, and now we could start fair. + +I think myself that descriptions of places are generally dull, but I +have sometimes thought that was because the authors do not tell you what +you truly want to know. However, dull or not, here goes--because you +won't understand anything unless I tell you what the place was like. + +The Moat House was the one we went to stay at. There has been a house +there since Saxon times. It is a manor, and a manor goes on having a +house on it whatever happens. The Moat House was burned down once or +twice in ancient centuries--I don't remember which--but they always +built a new one, and Cromwell's soldiers smashed it about, but it was +patched up again. It is a very odd house: the front door opens straight +into the dining-room, and there are red curtains and a black-and-white +marble floor like a chess-board, and there is a secret staircase, only +it is not secret now--only rather rickety. It is not very big, but there +is a watery moat all round it with a brick bridge that leads to the +front door. Then, on the other side of the moat there is the farm, with +barns and oast-houses and stables, or things like that. And the other +way the garden lawn goes on till it comes to the church-yard. The +church-yard is not divided from the garden at all except by a little +grass bank. In the front of the house there is more garden, and the big +fruit-garden is at the back. + +The man the house belongs to likes new houses, so he built a big one +with conservatories and a stable with a clock in a turret on the top, +and he let the Moat House. And Albert's uncle took it, and my father was +to come down sometimes from Saturday to Monday, and Albert's uncle was +to live with us all the time, and he would be writing a book, and we +were not to bother him, but he would give an eye to us. I hope all this +is plain. I have said it as short as I can. + +We got down rather late, but there was still light enough to see the big +bell hanging at the top of the house. The rope belonging to it went +right down the house, through our bedroom to the dining-room. H. O. saw +the rope and pulled it while he was washing his hands for supper, and +Dick and I let him, and the bell tolled solemnly. Father shouted to him +not to, and we went down to supper. But presently there were many feet +trampling on the gravel, and father went out to see. When he came back +he said: + +"The whole village, or half of it, has come up to see why the bell rang. +It's only rung for fire or burglars. Why can't you kids let things +alone?" + +Albert's uncle said: + +"Bed follows supper as the fruit follows the flower. They'll do no more +mischief to-night, sir. To-morrow I will point out a few of the things +to be avoided in this bucolic retreat." + +So it was bed directly after supper, and that was why we did not see +much that night. + +But in the morning we were all up rather early, and we seemed to have +awakened in a new world, rich in surprises beyond the dreams of anybody, +as it says in the quotation. + +We went everywhere we could in the time, but when it was breakfast-time +we felt we had not seen half or a quarter. The room we had breakfast in +was exactly like in a story--black oak panels and china in corner +cupboards with glass doors. These doors were locked. There were green +curtains, and honeycomb for breakfast. After brekker my father went back +to town, and Albert's uncle went too, to see publishers. We saw them to +the station, and father gave us a long list of what we weren't to do. It +began with "Don't pull ropes unless you're quite sure what will happen +at the other end," and it finished with "For goodness' sake, try to keep +out of mischief till I come down on Saturday." There were lots of other +things in between. + +We all promised we would. And we saw them off, and waved till the train +was quite out of sight. Then we started to walk home. Daisy was tired, +so Oswald carried her home on his back. When we got home she said: + +"I do like you, Oswald." + +She is not a bad little kid; and Oswald felt it was his duty to be nice +to her because she was a visitor. Then we looked all over everything. It +was a glorious place. You did not know where to begin. + +We were all a little tired before we found the hay-loft, but we pulled +ourselves together to make a fort with the trusses of hay--great square +things--and we were having a jolly good time, all of us, when suddenly a +trap-door opened and a head bobbed up with a straw in its mouth. We knew +nothing about the country then, and the head really did scare us +rather, though, of course, we found out directly that the feet belonging +to it were standing on the bar of the loose-box underneath. The head +said: + +"Don't you let the governor catch you a-spoiling of that there hay, +that's all." And it spoke thickly because of the straw. + +It is strange to think how ignorant you were in the past. We can hardly +believe now that once we really did not know that it spoiled hay to mess +about with it. Horses don't like to eat it afterwards. Always remember +this. + +When the head had explained a little more it went away, and we turned +the handle of the chaff-cutting machine, and nobody got hurt, though the +head _had_ said we should cut our fingers off if we touched it. + +And then we sat down on the floor, which is dirty with the nice clean +dirt that is more than half chopped hay, and those there was room for +hung their legs down out of the top door, and we looked down at the +farmyard, which is very slushy when you get down into it, but most +interesting. + +Then Alice said: + +"Now we're all here, and the boys are tired enough to sit still for a +minute, I want to have a council." + +We said, "What about?" And she said, "I'll tell you. H. O., don't +wriggle so; sit on my frock if the straws tickle your legs." + +You see he wears socks, and so he can never be quite as comfortable as +any one else. + +"Promise not to laugh," Alice said, getting very red, and looking at +Dora, who got red too. + +We did, and then she said: "Dora and I have talked this over, and Daisy +too, and we have written it down because it is easier than saying it. +Shall I read it? or will you, Dora?" + +Dora said it didn't matter; Alice might. So Alice read it, and though +she gabbled a bit we all heard it. I copied it afterwards. This is what +she read: + + +"NEW SOCIETY FOR BEING GOOD IN + +"I, Dora Bastable, and Alice Bastable, my sister, being of sound mind +and body, when we were shut up with bread and water on that jungle day, +we thought a great deal about our naughty sins, and we made our minds up +to be good forever after. And we talked to Daisy about it, and she had +an idea. So we want to start a society for being good in. It is Daisy's +idea, but we think so too." + +"You know," Dora interrupted, "when people want to do good things they +always make a society. There are thousands--there's the Missionary +Society." + +"Yes," Alice said, "and the Society for the Prevention of something or +other, and the Young Men's Mutual Improvement Society, and the S. P. G." + +"What's S. P. G.?" Oswald asked. + +"Society for the Propagation of the Jews, of course," said Noel, who +cannot always spell. + +"No, it isn't; but do let me go on." + +Alice did go on. + +"We propose to get up a society, with a chairman and a treasurer and +secretary, and keep a journal-book saying what we've done. If that +doesn't make us good it won't be my fault. + +"The aim of the society is nobleness and goodness, and great and +unselfish deeds. We wish not to be such a nuisance to grown-up people, +and to perform prodigies of real goodness. We wish to spread our +wings"--here Alice read very fast. She told me afterwards Daisy had +helped her with that part, and she thought when she came to the wings +they sounded rather silly--"to spread our wings and rise above the kind +of interesting things that you ought not to do, but to do kindnesses to +all, however low and mean." + +Denny was listening carefully. Now he nodded three or four times. + + "Little words of kindness" (he said), + "Little deeds of love, + Make this earth an eagle + Like the one above." + +This did not sound right, but we let it pass, because an eagle _does_ +have wings, and we wanted to hear the rest of what the girls had +written. But there was no rest. + +"That's all," said Alice, and Daisy said: + +"Don't you think it's a good idea?" + +"That depends," Oswald answered, "who is president, and what you mean by +being good." Oswald did not care very much for the idea himself, +because being good is not the sort of thing he thinks it is proper to +talk about, especially before strangers. But the girls and Denny seemed +to like it, so Oswald did not say exactly what he thought, especially as +it was Daisy's idea. This was true politeness. + +"I think it would be nice," Noel said, "if we made it a sort of play. +Let's do the 'Pilgrim's Progress.'" + +We talked about that for some time, but it did not come to anything, +because we all wanted to be Mr. Greatheart, except H. O., who wanted to +be the lions, and you could not have lions in a Society for Goodness. + +Dicky said he did not wish to play if it meant reading books about +children who die; he really felt just as Oswald did about it, he told me +afterwards. But the girls were looking as if they were in Sunday school, +and we did not wish to be unkind. + +At last Oswald said, "Well, let's draw up the rules of the society, and +choose the president and settle the name." + +Dora said Oswald should be president, and he modestly consented. She was +secretary, and Denny treasurer if we ever had any money. + +Making the rules took us all the afternoon. They were these: + + +RULES + +1. Every member is to be as good as possible. + +2. There is to be no more jaw than necessary about being good. (Oswald +and Dicky put that rule in.) + +3. No day must pass without our doing some kind action to a suffering +fellow-creature. + +4. We are to meet every day, or as often as we like. + +5. We are to do good to people we don't like as often as we can. + +6. No one is to leave the Society without the consent of all the rest of +us. + +7. The Society is to be kept a profound secret from all the world except +us. + +8. The name of our Society is-- + +And when we got as far as that we all began to talk at once. Dora wanted +it called the Society for Humane Improvement; Denny said the Society for +Reformed Outcast Children; but Dicky said, "No, we really were not so +bad as all that." Then H. O. said, "Call it the Good Society." + +"Or the Society for Being Good In," said Daisy. + +"Or the Society of Goods," said Noel. + +"That's priggish," said Oswald; "besides, we don't know whether we shall +be so very." + +"You see," Alice explained, "we only said if we _could_ we would be +good." + +"Well, then," Dicky said, getting up and beginning to dust the chopped +hay off himself, "call it the Society of the Wouldbegoods and have done +with it." + +Oswald thinks Dicky was getting sick of it and wanted to make himself a +little disagreeable. If so, he was doomed to disappointment. For every +one else clapped hands and called out, "That's the very thing!" Then the +girls went off to write out the rules, and took H. O. with them, and +Noel went to write some poetry to put in the minute book. That's what +you call the book that a society's secretary writes what it does in. +Denny went with him to help. He knows a lot of poetry. I think he went +to a lady's school where they taught nothing but that. He was rather shy +of us, but he took to Noel. I can't think why. Dicky and Oswald walked +round the garden and told each other what they thought of the new +society. + +"I'm not sure we oughtn't to have put our foot down at the beginning," +Dicky said. "I don't see much in it, anyhow." + +"It pleases the girls," Oswald said, for he is a kind brother. + +"But we're not going to stand jaw, and 'words in season,' and 'loving +sisterly warnings.' I tell you what it is, Oswald, we'll have to run +this thing our way, or it'll be jolly beastly for everybody." + +Oswald saw this plainly. + +"We must do something," Dicky said; "it's very hard, though. Still, +there must be _some_ interesting things that are not wrong." + +"I suppose so," Oswald said, "but being good is so much like being a +muff, generally. Anyhow I'm not going to smooth the pillows of the sick, +or read to the aged poor, or any rot out of _Ministering Children_." + +"No more am I," Dicky said. He was chewing a straw like the head had in +its mouth, "but I suppose we must play the game fair. Let's begin by +looking out for something useful to do--something like mending things or +cleaning them, not just showing off." + +"The boys in books chop kindling wood and save their pennies to buy tea +and tracts." + +"Little beasts!" said Dick. "I say, let's talk about something else." +And Oswald was glad to, for he was beginning to feel jolly +uncomfortable. + +We were all rather quiet at tea, and afterwards Oswald played draughts +with Daisy and the others yawned. I don't know when we've had such a +gloomy evening. And every one was horribly polite, and said "Please" and +"Thank you," far more than requisite. + +Albert's uncle came home after tea. He was jolly, and told us stories, +but he noticed us being a little dull, and asked what blight had fallen +on our young lives. Oswald could have answered and said, "It is the +Society of the Wouldbegoods that is the blight," but of course he +didn't; and Albert's uncle said no more, but he went up and kissed the +girls when they were in bed, and asked them if there was anything wrong. +And they told him no, on their honor. + +[Illustration: "'LITTLE BEASTS,' SAID DICK"] + +The next morning Oswald awoke early. The refreshing beams of the morning +sun shone on his narrow, white bed and on the sleeping forms of his dear +little brothers, and Denny, who had got the pillow on top of his head +and was snoring like a kettle when it sings. Oswald could not remember +at first what was the matter with him, and then he remembered the +Wouldbegoods, and wished he hadn't. He felt at first as if there was +nothing you could do, and even hesitated to buzz a pillow at Denny's +head. But he soon saw that this could not be. So he chucked his boot and +caught Denny right in the waistcoat part, and thus the day began more +brightly than he had expected. + +Oswald had not done anything out of the way good the night before, +except that when no one was looking he polished the brass candlestick in +the girls' bedroom with one of his socks. And he might just as well have +let it alone, for the servants cleaned it again with the other things in +the morning, and he could never find the sock afterwards. There were two +servants. One of them had to be called Mrs. Pettigrew instead of Jane +and Eliza like others. She was cook and managed things. + +After breakfast Albert's uncle said: + +"I now seek the retirement of my study. At your peril violate my privacy +before 1.30 sharp. Nothing short of bloodshed will warrant the +intrusion, and nothing short of man--or rather boy--slaughter shall +avenge it." + +So we knew he wanted to be quiet, and the girls decided that we ought to +play out of doors so as not to disturb him; we should have played out of +doors anyhow on a jolly fine day like that. + +But as we were going out Dicky said to Oswald: + +"I say, come along here a minute, will you?" + +So Oswald came along, and Dicky took him into the other parlor and shut +the door, and Oswald said: + +"Well, spit it out: what is it?" He knows that is vulgar, and he would +not have said it to any one but his own brother. + +Dicky said: + +"It's a pretty fair nuisance. I told you how it would be." + + +And Oswald was patient with him, and said: + +"What is? Don't be all day about it." + +Dicky fidgeted about a bit, and then he said: + +"Well, I did as I said. I looked about for something useful to do. And +you know that dairy window that wouldn't open--only a little bit like +that? Well, I mended the catch with wire and whipcord and it opened +wide." + +"And I suppose they didn't want it mended," said Oswald. He knows but +too well that grown-up people sometimes like to keep things far +different from what we would, and you catch it if you try to do +otherwise. + +"I shouldn't have minded _that_," Dicky said, "because I could easily +have taken it all off again if they'd only said so. But the sillies went +and propped up a milk-pan against the window. They never took the +trouble to notice I had mended it. So the wretched thing pushed the +window open all by itself directly they propped it up, and it's tumbled +through into the moat, and they are most awfully waxy. All the men are +out in the fields, and they haven't any spare milk-pans. If I were a +farmer, I must say I wouldn't stick at an extra milk-pan or two. +Accidents must happen sometimes. I call it mean." + +Dicky spoke in savage tones. But Oswald was not so unhappy, first +because it wasn't his fault, and next because he is a far-seeing boy. + +"Never mind," he said, kindly. "Keep your tail up. We'll get the beastly +milk-pan out all right. Come on." + +He rushed hastily to the garden and gave a low signifying whistle, which +the others know well enough to mean something extra being up. + +And when they were all gathered round him he spoke. + +"Fellow-countrymen," he said, "we're going to have a rousing good time." + +"It's nothing naughty, is it," Daisy asked, "like the last time you had +that was rousingly good?" + +Alice said "Shish," and Oswald pretended not to hear. + +"A precious treasure," he said, "has inadvertently been laid low in the +moat by one of us." + +"The rotten thing tumbled in by itself," Dicky said. + +Oswald waved his hand and said, "Anyhow, it's there. It's our duty to +restore it to its sorrowing owners. I say, look here--we're going to +drag the moat." + +Every one brightened up at this. It was our duty and it was interesting +too. This is very uncommon. + +So we went out to where the orchard is, at the other side of the moat. +There were gooseberries and things on the bushes, but we did not take +any till we had asked if we might. Alice went and asked. Mrs. Pettigrew +said, "Law! I suppose so; you'd eat 'em anyhow, leave or no leave." + +She little knows the honorable nature of the house of Bastable. But she +has much to learn. + +The orchard slopes gently down to the dark waters of the moat. We sat +there in the sun and talked about dragging the moat, till Denny said, +"How _do_ you drag moats?" + +And we were speechless, because, though we had read many times about a +moat being dragged for missing heirs and lost wills, we really had never +thought about exactly how it was done. + +"Grappling-irons are right, I believe," Denny said, "but I don't suppose +they'd have any at the farm." + +And we asked, and found they had never even heard of them. I think +myself he meant some other word, but he was quite positive. + +So then we got a sheet off Oswald's bed, and we all took our shoes and +stockings off, and we tried to see if the sheet would drag the bottom of +the moat, which is shallow at that end. But it would keep floating on +the top of the water, and when we tried sewing stones into one end of +it, it stuck on something in the bottom, and when we got it up it was +torn. We were very sorry, and the sheet was in an awful mess; but the +girls said they were sure they could wash it in the basin in their room, +and we thought as we had torn it any way, we might as well go on. That +washing never came off. + +"No human being," Noel said, "knows half the treasures hidden in this +dark tarn." + +And we decided we would drag a bit more at that end, and work gradually +round to under the dairy window where the milk-pan was. We could not see +that part very well, because of the bushes that grow between the cracks +of the stones where the house goes down into the moat. And opposite the +dairy window the barn goes straight down into the moat too. It is like +pictures of Venice; but you cannot get opposite the dairy window anyhow. + +We got the sheet down again when we had tied the torn parts together in +a bunch with string, and Oswald was just saying: + +"Now then, my hearties, pull together, pull with a will! One, two, +three," when suddenly Dora dropped her bit of the sheet with a piercing +shriek and cried out: + +"Oh! it's all wormy at the bottom. I felt them wriggle." And she was out +of the water almost before the words were out of her mouth. The other +girls all scuttled out too, and they let the sheet go in such a hurry +that we had no time to steady ourselves, and one of us went right in, +and the rest got wet up to our waistbands. The one who went right in was +only H. O.; but Dora made an awful fuss and said it was our fault. We +told her what we thought, and it ended in the girls going in with H. O. +to change his things. We had some more gooseberries while they were +gone. Dora was in an awful wax when she went away, but she is not of a +sullen disposition though some times hasty, and when they all came back +we saw it was all right, so we said: + +"What shall we do now?" + +Alice said, "I don't think we need drag any more. It _is_ wormy. I felt +it when Dora did. And besides, the milk-pan is sticking a bit of itself +out of the water. I saw it through the dairy window." + +"Couldn't we get it up with fish-hooks?" Noel said. But Alice explained +that the dairy was now locked up and the key taken out. + +So then Oswald said: + +"Look here, we'll make a raft. We should have to do it some time, and we +might as well do it now. I saw an old door in that corner stable that +they don't use. You know. The one where they chop the wood." + +We got the door. + +We had never made a raft, any of us, but the way to make rafts is better +described in books, so we knew what to do. + +We found some nice little tubs stuck up on the fence of the farm garden, +and nobody seemed to want them for anything just then, so we took them. +Denny had a box of tools some one had given him for his last birthday; +they were rather rotten little things, but the gimlet worked all right, +so we managed to make holes in the edges of the tubs and fasten them +with string under the four corners of the old door. This took us a long +time. Albert's uncle asked us at dinner what we had been playing at, and +we said it was a secret, and it was nothing wrong. You see we wished to +atone for Dicky's mistake before anything more was said. The house has +no windows in the side that faces the orchard. + +The rays of the afternoon sun were beaming along the orchard grass when +at last we launched the raft. She floated out beyond reach with the last +shove of the launching. But Oswald waded out and towed her back; he is +not afraid of worms. Yet if he had known of the other things that were +in the bottom of that moat he would have kept his boots on. So would the +others, especially Dora, as you will see. + +At last the gallant craft rode upon the waves. We manned her, though not +up to our full strength, because if more than four got on the water came +up too near our knees, and we feared she might founder if over-manned. + +Daisy and Denny did not want to go on the raft, white mice that they +were, so that was all right. And as H. O. had been wet through once he +was not very keen. Alice promised Noel her best paint-brush if he'd give +up and not go, because we knew well that the voyage was fraught with +deep dangers, though the exact danger that lay in wait for us under the +dairy window we never even thought of. + +So we four elder ones got on the raft very carefully; and even then, +every time we moved the water swished up over the raft and hid our feet. +But I must say it was a jolly decent raft. + +Dicky was captain, because it was his adventure. We had hop-poles from +the hop-garden beyond the orchard to punt with. We made the girls stand +together in the middle and hold on to each other to keep steady. Then we +christened our gallant vessel. We called it the _Richard_, after Dicky, +and also after the splendid admiral who used to eat wine-glasses and +died after the Battle of the _Revenge_ in Tennyson's poetry. + +Then those on shore waved a fond adieu as well as they could with the +dampness of their handkerchiefs, which we had had to use to dry our legs +and feet when we put on our stockings for dinner, and slowly and stately +the good ship moved away from shore, riding on the waves as though they +were her native element. + +We kept her going with the hop-poles, and we kept her steady in the same +way, but we could not always keep her steady enough, and we could not +always keep her in the wind's eye. That is to say, she went where we did +not want, and once she bumped her corner against the barn wall, and all +the crew had to sit down suddenly to avoid falling overboard into a +watery grave. Of course then the waves swept her decks, and when we got +up again we said that we should have to change completely before tea. + +But we pressed on undaunted, and at last our saucy craft came into port +under the dairy window, and there was the milk-pan, for whose sake we +had endured such hardships and privations, standing up on its edge quite +quietly. + +The girls did not wait for orders from the captain, as they ought to +have done; but they cried out, "Oh, here it is!" and then both reached +out to get it. Any one who has pursued a naval career will see that of +course the raft capsized. For a moment it felt like standing on the roof +of the house, and the next moment the ship stood up on end and shot the +whole crew into the dark waters. + +We boys can swim all right. Oswald has swum three times across the +Ladywell Swimming Baths at the shallow end, and Dicky is nearly as good; +but just then we did not think of this; though, of course, if the water +had been deep we should have. + +As soon as Oswald could get the muddy water out of his eyes he opened +them on a horrid scene. + +Dicky was standing up to his shoulders in the inky waters; the raft had +righted itself, and was drifting gently away towards the front of the +house, where the bridge is, and Doar and Alice were rising from the +deep, with their hair all plastered over their faces--like Venus in the +Latin verses. + +There was a great noise of splashing. And besides that a feminine voice, +looking out of the dairy window and screaming: + +"Lord love the children!" + +It was Mrs. Pettigrew. She disappeared at once, and we were sorry we +were in such a situation that she would be able to get at Albert's uncle +before we could. Afterwards we were not so sorry. + +Before a word could be spoken about our desperate position, Dora +staggered a little in the water, and suddenly shrieked, "Oh, my foot! +oh, it's a shark! I know it is--or a crocodile!" + +The others on the bank could hear her shrieking, but they could not see +us properly; they did not know what was happening. Noel told me +afterwards he never could care for that paint-brush. + +Of course we knew it could not be a shark, but I thought of pike, which +are large and very angry always, and I caught hold of Dora. She screamed +without stopping. I shoved her along to where there was a ledge of +brickwork, and shoved her up, till she could sit on it, then she got her +foot out of the water, still screaming. + +It was indeed terrible. The thing she thought was a shark came up with +her foot, and it was a horrid, jagged, old meat-tin, and she had put her +foot right into it. Oswald got it off, and directly he did so blood +began to pour from the wounds. The tin edges had cut it in several +spots. It was very pale blood, because her foot was wet, of course. + +She stopped screaming, and turned green, and I thought she was going to +faint, like Daisy did on the jungle day. + +Oswald held her up as well as he could, but it really was one of the +least agreeable moments in his life. For the raft was gone, and she +couldn't have waded back anyway, and we didn't know how deep the moat +might be in other places. + +But Mrs. Pettigrew had not been idle. She is not a bad sort really. + +Just as Oswald was wondering whether he could swim after the raft and +get it back, a boat's nose shot out from under a dark archway a little +further up under the house. It was the boathouse, and Albert's uncle had +got the punt and took us back in it. When we had regained the dark arch +where the boat lives we had to go up the cellar stairs. Dora had to be +carried. + +There was but little said to us that day. We were sent to bed--those who +had not been on the raft the same as the others, for they owned up all +right, and Albert's uncle is the soul of justice. + +Next day but one was Saturday. Father gave us a talking to--with other +things. + +The worst, though, was when Dora couldn't get her shoe on, so they sent +for the doctor, and Dora had to lie down for ever so long. It was indeed +poor luck. + +When the doctor had gone Alice said to me: + +"It _is_ hard lines, but Dora's very jolly about it. Daisy's been +telling her about how we should all go to her with our little joys and +sorrows and things, and about the sweet influence from a sick bed that +can be felt all over the house, like in _What Katy Did_, and Dora said +she hoped she might prove a blessing to us all while she's laid up." + +Oswald said he hoped so, but he was not pleased. Because this sort of +jaw was exactly the sort of thing he and Dicky didn't want to have +happen. + +The thing we got it hottest for was those little tubs off the garden +railings. They turned out to be butter-tubs that had been put out there +"to sweeten." + +But as Denny said, "After the mud in that moat not all the perfumes of +somewhere or other could make them fit to use for butter again." + +I own this was rather a bad business. Yet we did not do it to please +ourselves, but because it was our duty. But that made no difference to +our punishment when father came down. I have known this mistake occur +before. + + + + +BILL'S TOMBSTONE + + +There were soldiers riding down the road, on horses, two and two. That +is the horses were two and two, and the men not. Because each man was +riding one horse and leading another. To exercise them. They came from +Chatham Barracks. We all drew up in a line outside the church-yard wall, +and saluted as they went by, though we had not read _Toady Lion_ then. +We have since. It is the only decent book I have ever read written by +_Toady Lion's_ author. The others are mere piffle. But many people like +them. + +In _Sir Toady Lion_ the officer salutes the child. + +There was only a lieutenant with those soldiers, and he did not salute +me. He kissed his hand to the girls; and a lot of the soldiers behind +kissed theirs too. We waved ours back. + +Next day we made a Union Jack out of pocket-handkerchiefs and part of a +red flannel petticoat of the White Mouse's, which she did not want just +then, and some blue ribbon we got at the village shop. + +Then we watched for the soldiers, and after three days they went by +again, by twos and twos as before. It was A1. + +We waved our flag, and we shouted. We gave them three cheers. Oswald can +shout loudest. So as soon as the first man was level with us (not the +advance guard, but the first of the battery)--he shouted: + +"Three cheers for the Queen and the British Army!" + +And then we waved the flag, and bellowed. Oswald stood on the wall to +bellow better, and Denny waved the flag because he was a visitor, and so +politeness made us let him enjoy the fat of whatever there was going. + +The soldiers did not cheer that day; they only grinned and kissed their +hands. + +The next day we all got up as much like soldiers as we could. H. O. and +Noel had tin swords, and we asked Albert's uncle to let us wear some of +the real arms that are on the wall in the dining-room. And he said, +"Yes," if we would clean them up afterwards. But we jolly well cleaned +them up first with Brooke's soap and brick dust and vinegar, and the +knife polish (invented by the great and immortal Duke of Wellington in +his spare time when he was not conquering Napoleon. Three cheers for our +Iron Duke!), and with emery paper and wash leather and whitening. Oswald +wore a cavalry sabre in its sheath. Alice and the Mouse had pistols in +their belts, large old flint-locks, with bits of red flannel behind the +flints. Denny had a naval cutlass, a very beautiful blade, and old +enough to have been at Trafalgar. I hope it was. The others had French +sword-bayonets that were used in the Franco-German War. They are very +bright, when you get them bright, but the sheaths are hard to polish. +Each sword-bayonet has the name on the blade of the warrior who once +wielded it. I wonder where they are now. Perhaps some of them died in +the war. Poor chaps! But it is a very long time ago. + +I should like to be a soldier. It is better than going to the best +schools, and to Oxford afterwards, even if it is Balliol you go to. +Oswald wanted to go to South Africa for a bugler, but father would not +let him. And it is true that Oswald does not yet know how to bugle, +though he can play the infantry "advance," and the "charge" and the +"halt" on a penny whistle. Alice taught them to him with the piano, out +of the red book father's cousin had when he was in the Fighting Fifth. +Oswald cannot play the "retire," and he would scorn to do so. But I +suppose a bugler has to play what he is told, no matter how galling to +the young boy's proud spirit. + +The next day, being thoroughly armed, we put on everything red, white, +and blue that we could think of--night-shirts are good for white, and +you don't know what you can do with red socks and blue jerseys till you +try--and we waited by the church-yard wall for the soldiers. When the +advance-guard (or whatever you call it of artillery--it's that for +infantry, I know) came by we got ready, and when the first man of the +first battery was level with us Oswald played on his penny whistle the +"advance" and the "charge"--and then shouted: + +"Three cheers for the Queen and the British Army!" + +This time they had the guns with them. And every man of the battery +cheered too. It was glorious. It made you tremble all over. The girls +said it made them want to cry--but no boy would own to this, even if it +were true. It is babyish to cry. But it was glorious, and Oswald felt +different to what he ever did before. + +Then suddenly the officer in front said, "Battery! Halt!" and all the +soldiers pulled their horses up, and the great guns stopped too. Then +the officer said, "Sit at ease," and something else, and the sergeant +repeated it, and some of the men got off their horses and lit their +pipes, and some sat down on the grass edge of the road, holding their +horses' bridles. + +We could see all the arms and accoutrements as plain as plain. + +Then the officer came up to us. We were all standing on the wall that +day, except Dora, who had to sit, because her foot was bad, but we let +her have the three-edged rapier to wear, and the blunderbuss to hold as +well--it has a brass mouth, and is like in Mr. Caldecott's pictures. + +He was a beautiful man the officer. Like a Viking. Very tall and fair, +with mustaches very long, and bright blue eyes. + +He said: + +"Good-morning." + +So did we. + +Then he said: + +"You seem to be a military lot." + +We said we wished we were. + +"And patriotic," said he. + +Alice said she should jolly well think so. + +Then he said he had noticed us there for several days, and he had halted +the battery because he thought we might like to look at the guns. + +Alas! there are but too few grown-up people so far-seeing and thoughtful +as this brave and distinguished officer. + +We said, "Oh yes," and then we got off the wall, and that good and noble +man showed us the string that moves the detonator, and the breech-block +(when you take it out and carry it away, the gun is in vain to the +enemy, even if he takes it); and he let us look down the gun to see the +rifling, all clean and shiny; and he showed us the ammunition boxes, but +there was nothing in them. He also told us how the gun was unlimbered +(this means separating the gun from the ammunition carriage), and how +quick it could be done--but he did not make the men do this then, +because they were resting. There were six guns. Each had painted on the +carriage, in white letters, 15 Pr., which the captain told us meant +fifteen-pounder. + +"I should have thought the gun weighed more than fifteen pounds," Dora +said. "It would if it was beef, but I suppose wood and gun are lighter." + +And the officer explained to her very kindly and patiently that 15 Pr. +meant the gun could throw a _shell_ weighing fifteen pounds. + +When we had told him how jolly it was to see the soldiers go by so +often, he said: + +"You won't see us many more times. We're ordered to the front; and we +sail on Tuesday week; and the guns will be painted mud-color, and the +men will wear mud-color too, and so shall I." + +The men looked very nice, though they were not wearing their busbies, +but only Tommy caps, put on all sorts of ways. + +We were very sorry they were going, but Oswald, as well as others, +looked with envy on those who would soon be allowed--being grown up, and +no nonsense about your education--to go and fight for their Queen and +country. + +Then suddenly Alice whispered to Oswald, and he said: + +"All right; but tell him yourself." + +So Alice said to the captain: + +"Will you stop next time you pass?" + +He said, "I'm afraid I can't promise that." + +Alice said, "You might; there's a particular reason." + +He said, "What?" which was a natural remark; not rude, as it is with +children. + +Alice said: + +"We want to give the soldiers a keepsake. I will write to ask my father. +He is very well off just now. Look here--if we're not on the wall when +you come by, don't stop; but if we are, _please_, PLEASE do!" + +The officer pulled his mustache and looked as if he did not quite know; +but at last he said "Yes," and we were very glad, though but Alice and +Oswald knew the dark but pleasant scheme at present fermenting in their +youthful nuts. + +The captain talked a lot to us. At last Noel said: + +"I think you are like Diarmid of the Golden Collar. But I should like to +see your sword out, and shining in the sun like burnished silver." + +The captain laughed and grasped the hilt of his good blade. But Oswald +said, hurriedly: + +"Don't. Not yet. We sha'n't ever have a chance like this. If you'd only +show us the pursuing practice! Albert's uncle knows it; but he only does +it on an arm-chair, because he hasn't a horse." + +And that brave and swagger captain did really do it. He rode his horse +right into our gate when we opened it, and showed us all the cuts, +thrusts, and guards. There are four of each kind. It was splendid. The +morning sun shone on his flashing blade, and his good steed stood with +all its legs far apart and stiff on the lawn. Then we opened the paddock +gate and he did it again, while the horse galloped as if upon the bloody +battle-field among the fierce foes of his native land, and this was far +more ripping still. + +Then we thanked him very much, and he went away, taking his men with +him. And the guns, of course. + +Then we wrote to my father, and he said "Yes," as we knew he would, and +next time the soldiers came by--but they had no guns this time, only the +captive Arabs of the desert--we had the keepsakes ready in a +wheelbarrow, and we were on the church-yard wall. + +And the bold captain called an immediate halt. + +Then the girls had the splendid honor and pleasure of giving a pipe and +four whole ounces of tobacco to each soldier. + +Then we shook hands with the captain and the sergeant and the corporals, +and the girls kissed the captain--I can't think why girls will kiss +everybody--and we all cheered for the Queen. + +It was grand. And I wish my father had been there to see how much you +can do with L12 if you order the things from the Stores. + +We have never seen those brave soldiers again. + +I have told you all this to show you how we got so keen about soldiers, +and why we sought to aid and abet the poor widow at the white cottage in +her desolate and oppressedness. + +Her name was Simpkins, and her cottage was just beyond the church-yard, +on the other side from our house. On the different military occasions +which I have remarked upon this widow woman stood at her garden gate and +looked on. And after the cheering she rubbed her eyes with her apron. +Alice noticed this slight but signifying action. + +We feel quite sure Mrs. Simpkins liked soldiers, and so we felt friendly +to her. But when we tried to talk to her she would not. She told us to +go along with us, do, and not bother her. And Oswald, with his usual +delicacy and good breeding, made the others do as she said. + +But we were not to be thus repulsed with impunity. We made complete but +cautious inquiries, and found out that the reason she cried when she saw +soldiers was that she had only one son, a boy. He was twenty-two, and he +had gone to the war last April. So that she thought of him when she saw +the soldiers, and that was why she cried. Because when your son is at +the wars you always think he is being killed. I don't know why. A great +many of them are not. If I had a son at the wars I should never think he +was dead till I heard he was, and perhaps not then, considering +everything. + +After we had found this out we held a council. + +Dora said, "We must do something for the soldier's widowed mother." + +We all agreed, but added, "What?" + +Alice said, "The gift of money might be deemed an insult by that proud, +patriotic spirit. Besides, we haven't more than eighteenpence among us." + +We had put what we had to father's L12 to buy the baccy and pipes. + +The Mouse then said, "Couldn't we make her a flannel petticoat and leave +it without a word upon her doorstep?" + +But every one said, "Flannel petticoats in this weather?" so that was no +go. + +Noel said he would write her a poem, but Oswald had a deep, inward +feeling that Mrs. Simpkins would not understand poetry. Many people do +not. + +H. O. said, "Why not sing 'Rule Britannia' under her window after she +had gone to bed, like waits," but no one else thought so. + +Denny thought we might get up a subscription for her among the wealthy +and affluent, but we said again that we knew money would be no balm to +the haughty mother of a brave British soldier. + +"What we want," Alice said, "is something that will be a good deal of +trouble to us and some good to her." + +"A little help is worth a deal of poetry," said Denny. I should not have +said that myself. Noel did look sick. + +"What _does_ she do that we can help in?" Dora asked. "Besides, she +won't let us help." + +H. O. said, "She does nothing but work in the garden. At least if she +does anything inside you can't see it, because she keeps the door shut." + +Then at once we saw. And we agreed to get up the very next day, ere yet +the rosy dawn had flushed the east, and have a go at Mrs. Simpkins's +garden. + +We got up. We really did. But too often when you mean to, over night, it +seems so silly to do it when you come to waking in the dewy morn. We +crept down-stairs with our boots in our hands. Denny is rather unlucky, +though a most careful boy. It was he who dropped his boot, and it went +blundering down the stairs, echoing like thunder-bolts, and waking up +Albert's uncle. But when we explained to him that we were going to do +some gardening he let us, and went back to bed. + +Everything is very pretty and different in the early morning, before +people are up. I have been told this is because the shadows go a +different way from what they do in the awake part of the day. But I +don't know. Noel says the fairies have just finished tidying up then. +Anyhow it all feels quite otherwise. + +We put on our boots in the porch, and we got our gardening tools and we +went down to the white cottage. It is a nice cottage, with a thatched +roof, like in the drawing-copies you get at girls' schools, and you do +the thatch--if you can--with a B.B. pencil. If you cannot, you just +leave it. It looks just as well, somehow, when it is mounted and framed. + +We looked at the garden. It was very neat. Only one patch was coming up +thick with weeds. I could see groundsell and chickweed, and others that +I did not know. We set to work with a will. We used all our +tools--spades, forks, hoes, and rakes--and Dora worked with the trowel, +sitting down, because her foot was hurt. We cleared the weedy patch +beautifully, scraping off all the nasty weeds and leaving the nice clean +brown dirt. We worked as hard as ever we could. And we were happy, +because it was unselfish toil, and no one thought then of putting it in +the Book of Golden Deeds, where we had agreed to write down our +virtuous actions and the good doings of each other, when we happen to +notice them. + +We had just done, and we were looking at the beautiful production of our +honest labor, when the cottage door burst open, and the soldier's +widowed mother came out like a wild tornado, and her eyes looked like +upas-trees--death to the beholder. + +"You wicked, meddlesome, nasty children!" she said, "ain't you got +enough of your own good ground to runch up and spoil but you must come +into _my_ little lot?" + +Some of us were deeply alarmed, but we stood firm. + +"We have only been weeding your garden," Dora said; "we wanted to do +something to help you." + +"Dratted little busybodies," she said. It was indeed hard, but every one +in Kent says "dratted" when they are cross. "It's my turnips," she went +on, "you've hoed up, and my cabbages. My turnips that my boy sowed afore +he went. There, get along with you, do, afore I come at you with my +broom-handle." + +She did come at us with her broom-handle as she spoke, and even the +boldest turned and fled. Oswald was even the boldest. + +"They looked like weeds right enough," he said. + +And Dicky said, "It all comes of trying to do golden deeds." + +This was when we were out in the road. + +As we went along, in a silence full of gloomy remorse, we met the +postman. He said: + +"Here's the letters for the Moat," and passed on hastily. He was a bit +late. + +When we came to look through the letters, which were nearly all for +Albert's uncle, we found there was a post-card that had got stuck in a +magazine wrapper. Alice pulled it out. It was addressed to Mrs. +Simpkins. We honorably only looked at the address, although it is +allowed by the rules of honorableness to read post-cards that come to +your house if you like, even if they are not for you. + +After a heated discussion, Alice and Oswald said they were not afraid, +whoever was, and they retraced their steps, Alice holding the post-card +right way up, so that we should not look at the lettery part of it, but +only the address. + +With quickly beating heart, but outwardly unmoved, they walked up to the +white cottage door. + +It opened with a bang when we knocked. + +"Well?" Mrs. Simpkins said, and I think she said it what people in books +call "sourly." + +Oswald said, "We are very, very sorry we spoiled your turnips, and we +will ask my father to try and make it up to you some other way." + +She muttered something about not wanting to be beholden to anybody. + +"We came back," Oswald went on, with his always unruffled politeness, +"because the postman gave us a post-card in mistake with our letters, +and it is addressed to you." + +"We haven't read it," Alice said, quickly. I think she needn't have said +that. Of course we hadn't. But perhaps girls know better than we do +what women are likely to think you capable of. + +The soldier's mother took the post-card (she snatched it really, but +"took" is a kinder word, considering everything) and she looked at the +address a long time. Then she turned it over and read what was on the +back. Then she drew her breath in as far as it would go, and caught hold +of the door-post. Her face got awful. It was like the wax face of a dead +king I saw once at Madame Tussaud's. + +Alice understood. She caught hold of the soldier's mother's hand and +said: + +"Oh _no_--it's _not_ your boy Bill!" + +And the woman said nothing, but shoved the post-card into Alice's hand, +and we both read it--and it _was_ her boy Bill. + +Alice gave her back the card. She had held on to the woman's hand all +the time, and now she squeezed the hand, and held it against her face. +But she could not say a word because she was crying so. The soldier's +mother took the card again and she pushed Alice away, but it was not an +unkind push, and she went in and shut the door; and as Alice and Oswald +went down the road Oswald looked back, and one of the windows of the +cottage had a white blind. Afterwards the other windows had too. There +were no blinds really to the cottage. It was aprons and things she had +pinned up. + +Alice cried most the morning, and so did the other girls. We wanted to +do something for the soldier's mother, but you can do nothing when +people's sons are shot. It is the most dreadful thing to want to do +something for people who are unhappy, and not to know what to do. + +It was Noel who thought of what we _could_ do at last. + +He said, "I suppose they don't put up tombstones to soldiers when they +die in war. But there--I mean--" + +Oswald said, "Of course not." + +Noel said, "I dare say you'll think it's silly, but I don't care. Don't +you think she'd like it if we put one up to _him_? Not in the +church-yard, of course, because we shouldn't be let, but in our garden, +just where it joins on to the church-yard?" + +And we all thought it was a first-rate idea. + +This is what we meant to put on the tombstone: + + "Here lies + + BILL SIMPKINS + + Who died fighting for Queen + and Country. + + * * * * * + + "A faithful son, + A son so dear, + A soldier brave + Lies buried here." + +Then we remembered that poor, brave Bill was really buried far away in +the Southern hemisphere, if at all. + +So we altered it to-- + + "A soldier brave + We weep for here." + +Then we looked out a nice flagstone in the stable-yard, and we got a +cold-chisel out of the dentist's tool-box, and began. + +But stone-cutting is difficult and dangerous work. + +Oswald went at it a bit, but he chipped his thumb, and it bled so he had +to chuck it. Then Dicky tried, and then Denny, but Dicky hammered his +finger, and Denny took all day over every stroke, so that by tea-time we +had only done the H, and about half the E--and the E was awfully +crooked. Oswald chipped his thumb over the H. + +We looked at it the next morning, and even the most sanguinary of us saw +that it was a hopeless task. + +Then Denny said, "Why not wood and paint?" and he showed us how. We got +a board and two stumps from the carpenter's in the village, and we +painted it all white, and when that was dry Denny did the words on it. + +It was something like this: + + "IN MEMORY OF BILL SIMPKINS + DEAD FOR QUEEN & COUNTRY + HONOR TO HIS NAME AND ALL + OTHER BRAVE SOLDIERS." + +We could not get in what we meant to at first, so we had to give up the +poetry. + +We fixed it up when it was dry. We had to dig jolly deep to get the +posts to stand up, but the gardener helped us. + +Then the girls made wreaths of white flowers, roses and canterbury +bells, and lilies and pinks, and sweet pease and daisies, and put them +over the posts, like you see in the picture. And I think if Bill +Simpkins had known how sorry we were, he would have been glad. Oswald +only hopes if _he_ falls on the wild battle-field, which is his highest +ambition, that somebody will be as sorry about him as he was about Bill, +that's all! + +When all was done, and what flowers there were over from the wreaths +scattered under the tombstone between the posts, we wrote a letter to +Mrs. Simpkins, and said: + + "DEAR MRS. SIMPKINS,--We are very, very sorry about the + turnips and things, and we beg your pardon humbly. We have + put up a tombstone to your brave son." + +And we signed our names. + +Alice took the letter. + +The soldier's mother read it, and said something about our oughting to +know better than to make fun of people's troubles with our tombstones +and tomfoolery. + +Alice told me she could not help crying. + +She said: + +"It's _not_! it's NOT! Dear, _dear_ Mrs. Simpkins, do come with me and +see! You don't know how sorry we are about Bill. Do come and see. We +can go through the church-yard, and the others have all gone in, so as +to leave it quiet for you. Do come." + +And Mrs. Simpkins did. And when she read what we had put up, and Alice +told her the verse we had not had room for, she leaned against the wall +by the grave--I mean the tombstone--and Alice hugged her, and they both +cried bitterly. The poor soldier's mother was very, very pleased. And +she forgave us about the turnips, and we were friends after that, but +she always liked Alice the best. A great many people do, somehow. + +After that we used to put fresh flowers every day on Bill's tombstone, +and I do believe his mother _was_ pleased, though she got us to move it +away from the church-yard edge and put it in a corner of our garden +under a laburnum, where people could not see it from the church. But you +could from the road, though I think she thought you couldn't. She came +every day to look at the new wreaths. When the white flowers gave out we +put colored, and she liked it just as well. + +About a fortnight after the erecting of the tombstone the girls were +putting fresh wreaths on it when a soldier in a red coat came down the +road, and he stopped and looked at us. He walked with a stick, and he +had a bundle in a blue cotton handkerchief and one arm in a sling. + +And he looked again, and he came nearer, and he leaned on the wall, so +that he could read the black printing on the white paint. + +And he grinned all over his face, and he said: + +"Well, I _am_ blessed!" + +And he read it all out in a sort of half whisper, and when he came to +the end, where it says, "and all such brave soldiers," he said: + +"Well, I really _am_!" I suppose he meant he really was blessed. + +Oswald thought it was like the soldier's cheek, so he said: + +"I dare say you aren't so very blessed as you think. What's it to do +with you, anyway, eh, Tommy?" + +Of course Oswald knew from Kipling that an infantry soldier is called +that. The soldier said: + +"Tommy yourself, young man. That's _me_!" and he pointed to the +tombstone. + +We stood rooted to the spot. Alice spoke first. + +"Then you're Bill, and you're not dead," she said, "Oh, Bill, I am so +glad! Do let _me_ tell your mother." + +She started running, and so did we all. Bill had to go slowly because of +his leg, but I tell you he went as fast as ever he could. + +We all hammered at the soldier's mother's door, and shouted: + +"Come out! come out!" and when she opened the door we were going to +speak, but she pushed us away, and went tearing down the garden path +like winking. I never saw a grown-up woman run like it, because she saw +Bill coming. + +She met him at the gate, running right into him, and caught hold of him, +and she cried much more than when she thought he was dead. + +And we all shook his hand and said how glad we were. + +The soldier's mother kept hold of him with both hands, and I couldn't +help looking at her face. It was like wax that had been painted pink on +both cheeks, and the eyes shining like candles. And when we had all said +how glad we were, she said: + +"Thank the dear Lord for His mercies," and she took her boy Bill into +the cottage and shut the door. + +We went home and chopped up the tombstone with the wood-axe and had a +blazing big bonfire, and cheered till we could hardly speak. + +The post-card was a mistake; he was only missing. There was a pipe and a +whole pound of tobacco left over from our keepsake to the other +soldiers. We gave it to Bill. Father is going to have him for +under-gardener when his wounds get well. He'll always be a bit lame, so +he cannot fight any more. + +I am very glad _some_ soldiers' mothers get their boys home again. + +But if they have to die, it is a glorious death; and I hope mine will be +that. + +And three cheers for the Queen, and the mothers who let their boys go, +and the mothers' sons who fight and die for old England. Hip, hip, +hurrah! + + + + +THE TOWER OF MYSTERY + + +It was very rough on Dora having her foot bad, but we took it in turns +to stay in with her, and she was very decent about it. Daisy was most +with her. I do not dislike Daisy, but I wish she had been taught how to +play. Because Dora is rather like that naturally, and sometimes I have +thought that Daisy makes her worse. + +I talked to Albert's uncle about it one day when the others had gone to +church, and I did not go because of earache, and he said it came from +reading the wrong sort of books partly--she has read _Ministering +Children_, and _Anna Ross, or The Orphan of Waterloo_, and _Ready Work +for Willing Hands_, and _Elsie, or Like a Little Candle_, and even a +horrid little blue book about the something or other of Little Sins. +After this conversation Oswald took care she had plenty of the right +sort of books to read, and he was surprised and pleased when she got up +early one morning to finish _Monte Cristo_. Oswald felt that he was +really being useful to a suffering fellow-creature when he gave Daisy +books that were not all about being good. + +A few days after Dora was laid up Alice called a council of the +Wouldbegoods, and Oswald and Dicky attended with darkly clouded brows. +Alice had the minute-book, which was an exercise-book that had not much +written in it. She had begun at the other end. I hate doing that myself, +because there is so little room at the top compared with right way up. + +Dora and a sofa had been carried out on to the lawn, and we were on the +grass. It was very hot and dry. We had sherbet. Alice read: + +"'Society of the Wouldbegoods. + +"'We have not done much. Dicky mended a window, and we got the milk-pan +out of the moat that dropped through where he mended it. Dora, Oswald, +Dicky and me got upset in the moat. This was not goodness. Dora's foot +was hurt. We hope to do better next time.'" + +Then came Noel's poem: + + "'We are the Wouldbegoods Society, + We are not good yet, but we mean to try. + And if we try, and if we don't succeed, + It must mean we are very bad indeed.'" + +This sounded so much righter than Noel's poetry generally does, that +Oswald said so, and Noel explained that Denny had helped him. + +"He seems to know the right length for lines of poetry. I suppose it +comes of learning so much at school," Noel said. + +Then Oswald proposed that anybody should be allowed to write in the book +if they found out anything good that any one else had done, but not +things that were public acts; and nobody was to write about themselves, +or anything other people told them, only what they found out. + +After a brief jaw the others agreed, and Oswald felt, not for the first +time in his young life, that he would have made a good diplomatic hero +to carry despatches and outwit the other side. For now he had put it out +of the minute-book's power to be the kind of thing readers of +_Ministering Children_ would have wished. + +"And if any one tells other people any good thing he's done he is to go +to Coventry for the rest of the day." And Denny remarked, "We shall do +good by stealth and blush to find it shame." + +After that nothing was written in the book for some time. I looked +about, and so did the others, but I never caught any one in the act of +doing anything extra; though several of the others have told me since of +things they did at this time, and really wondered nobody had noticed. + +I think I said before, that when you tell a story you cannot tell +everything. It would be silly to do it. Because ordinary kinds of play +are dull to read about; and the only other thing is meals, and to dwell +on what you eat is greedy and not like a hero at all. A hero is always +contented with a venison pasty and a horn of sack. All the same, the +meals _were_ very interesting; with things you do not get at home--Lent +pies with custard and currants in them, sausage rolls, and flede cakes, +and raisin cakes and apple turnovers, and honeycomb and syllabubs, +besides as much new milk as you cared about, and cream now and then, and +cheese always on the table for tea. Father told Mrs. Pettigrew to get +what meals she liked, and she got these strange but attractive foods. + +In a story about Wouldbegoods it is not proper to tell of times when +only some of us were naughty, so I will pass lightly over the time when +Noel got up the kitchen chimney and brought three bricks and an old +starling's nest and about a ton of soot down with him when he fell. They +never use the big chimney in the summer, but cook in the wash-house. Nor +do I wish to dwell on what H. O. did when he went into the dairy. I do +not know what his motive was. But Mrs. Pettigrew said _she_ knew; and +she locked him in, and said if it was cream he wanted he should have +enough, and she wouldn't let him out till tea-time. The cat had also got +into the dairy for some reason of her own, and when H. O. was tired of +whatever he went in for he poured all the milk into the churn and tried +to teach the cat to swim in it. He must have been desperate. The cat did +not even try to learn, and H. O. had the scars on his hands for weeks. I +do not wish to tell tales of H. O., for he is very young, and whatever +he does he always catches it for; but I will just allude to our being +told not to eat the greengages in the garden. And we did not. And +whatever H. O. did was Noel's fault--for Noel told H. O. that greengages +would grow again all right if you did not bite as far as the stone, just +as wounds are not mortal except when you are pierced through the heart. +So the two of them bit bites out of every greengage they could reach. +And of course the pieces did not grow again. + +Oswald did not do things like these, but then he is older than his +brothers. The only thing he did just about then was making a booby-trap +for Mrs. Pettigrew when she had locked H. O. up in the dairy, and +unfortunately it was the day she was going out in her best things, and +part of the trap was a can of water. Oswald was not willingly vicious; +it was but a light and thoughtless act which he had every reason to be +sorry for afterwards. And he is sorry even without those reasons, +because he knows it is ungentlemanly to play tricks on women. + +I remember mother telling Dora and me when we were little that you ought +to be very kind and polite to servants, because they have to work very +hard, and do not have so many good times as we do. I used to think about +mother more at the Moat House than I did at Blackheath, especially in +the garden. She was very fond of flowers, and she used to tell us about +the big garden where she used to live; and, I remember, Dora and I +helped her to plant seeds. But it is no use wishing. She would have +liked that garden, though. + +The girls and the white mice did not do anything boldly wicked--though +of course they used to borrow Mrs. Pettigrew's needles, which made her +very nasty. Needles that are borrowed might just as well be stolen. But +I say no more. + +I have only told you these things to show the kind of events which +occurred on the days I don't tell you about. On the whole, we had an +excellent time. + +It was on the day we had the pillow-fight that we went for the long +walk. Not the Pilgrimage--that is another story. We did not mean to have +a pillow-fight. It is not usual to have them after breakfast, but Oswald +had come up to get his knife out of the pocket of his Etons, to cut some +wire we were making rabbit snares of. It is a very good knife, with a +file in it, as well as a corkscrew and other things--and he did not come +down at once, because he was detained by having to make an apple-pie bed +for Dicky. Dicky came up after him to see what we was up to, and when he +did see he buzzed a pillow at Oswald, and the fight began. The others, +hearing the noise of battle from afar, hastened to the field of action, +all except Dora, who couldn't, because of being laid up with her foot, +and Daisy, because she is a little afraid of us still, when we are all +together. She thinks we are rough. This comes of having only one +brother. + +Well, the fight was a very fine one. Alice backed me up, and Noel and H. +O. backed Dicky, and Denny heaved a pillow or two; but he cannot shy +straight, so I don't know which side he was on. + +And just as the battle raged most fiercely, Mrs. Pettigrew came in and +snatched the pillows away, and shook those of the warriors who were +small enough for it. _She_ was rough if you like. She also used +language I should have thought she would be above. She said, "Drat you!" +and "Drabbit you!" The last is a thing I have never heard said before. +She said: + +"There's no peace of your life with you children. Drat your antics! And +that poor, dear, patient gentleman right underneath, with his headache +and his handwriting: and you rampaging about over his head like young +bull-calves. I wonder you haven't more sense, a great girl like you." + +She said this to Alice, and Alice answered gently, as we are told to do: + +"I really am awfully sorry; we forgot about the headache. Don't be +cross, Mrs. Pettigrew; we didn't mean to; we didn't think." + +"You never do," she said, and her voice, though grumpy, was no longer +violent. "Why on earth you can't take yourselves off for the day I don't +know." + +We all said, "But may we?" + +She said, "Of course you may. Now put on your boots and go for a good +long walk. And I'll tell you what--I'll put you up a snack, and you can +have an egg to your tea to make up for missing your dinner. Now don't go +clattering about the stairs and passages, there's good children. See if +you can't be quiet this once, and give the good gentleman a chance with +his copying." + +She went off. Her bark is worse than her bite. She does not understand +anything about writing books, though. She thinks Albert's uncle copies +things out of printed books, when he is really writing new ones. I +wonder how she thinks printed books get made first of all. Many servants +are like this. + +She gave us the "snack" in a basket, and sixpence to buy milk with. She +said any of the farms would let us have it, only most likely it would be +skim. We thanked her politely, and she hurried us out of the front door +as if we'd been chickens on a pansy bed. + +(I did not know till after I had left the farm gate open, and the hens +had got into the garden, that these feathered bipeds display a great +partiality for the young buds of plants of the genus _viola_, to which +they are extremely destructive. I was told that by the gardener. I +looked it up in the gardening book afterwards to be sure he was right. +You do learn a lot of things in the country.) + +We went through the garden as far as the church, and then we rested a +bit in the porch, and just looked into the basket to see what the +"snack" was. It proved sausage rolls, and queen cakes, and a Lent pie in +a round tin dish, and some hard-boiled eggs, and some apples. We all ate +the apples at once, so as not to have to carry them about with us. The +church-yard smells awfully good. It is the wild thyme that grows on the +graves. This is another thing we did not know before we came into the +country. + +Then the door of the church tower was ajar, and we all went up; it had +always been locked before when we had tried it. + +We saw the ringer's loft where the ends of the bell-ropes hang down with +long, furry handles to them like great caterpillars, some red, and some +blue and white, but we did not pull them. And then we went up to where +the bells are, very big and dusty among large dirty beams; and four +windows with no glass, only shutters like Venetian blinds, but they +won't pull up. There were heaps of straws and sticks on the window +ledges. We think they were owls' nests, but we did not see any owls. + +Then the tower stairs got very narrow and dark, and we went on up, and +we came to a door and opened it suddenly, and it was like being hit in +the face, the light was so sudden. And there we were on the top of the +tower, which is flat, and people have cut their names on it, and a +turret at one corner, and a low wall all round, up and down, like castle +battlements. And we looked down and saw the roof of the church, and the +leads, and the church-yard, and our garden, and the Moat House, and the +farm, and Mrs. Simpkins's cottage, looking very small, and other farms +looking like toy things out of boxes, and we saw cornfields and meadows +and pastures. A pasture is not the same thing as a meadow, whatever you +may think. And we saw the tops of trees and hedges, looking like the map +of the United States, and villages, and a tower that did not look very +far away standing by itself on the top of a hill. + +Alice pointed to it, and said: + +"What's that?" + +"It's not a church," said Noel, "because there's no church-yard. Perhaps +it's a tower of mystery that covers the entrance to a subterranean vault +with treasure in it." + +Dicky said, "Subterranean fiddlestick!" and "A water-works, more +likely." + +Alice thought perhaps it was a ruined castle, and the rest of its +crumbling walls were concealed by ivy, the growth of years. + +Oswald could not make his mind up what it was, so he said: "Let's go and +see! We may as well go there as anywhere." + +So we got down out of the church tower and dusted ourselves, and set +out. + +The Tower of Mystery showed quite plainly from the road, now that we +knew where to look for it, because it was on the top of a hill. We began +to walk. But the tower did not seem to get any nearer. And it was very +hot. + +So we sat down in a meadow where there was a stream in the ditch and ate +the "snack." We drank the pure water from the brook out of our hands, +because there was no farm to get milk at just there, and it was too much +fag to look for one--and, besides, we thought we might as well save the +sixpence. + +Then we started again, and still the tower looked as far off as ever. +Denny began to drag his feet, though he had brought a walking-stick +which none of the rest of us had, and said: + +"I wish a cart would come along. We might get a lift." + +He knew all about getting lifts, of course, from having been in the +country before. He is not quite the white mouse we took him for at +first. Of course when you live in Lewisham or Blackheath you learn other +things. If you asked for a lift in Lewisham, High Street, your only +reply would be jeers. We sat down on a heap of stones, and decided that +we would ask for a lift from the next cart, whichever way it was going. +It was while we were waiting that Oswald found out about plantain seeds +being good to eat. + +When the sound of wheels came we remarked with joy that the cart was +going towards the Tower of Mystery. It was a cart a man was going to +fetch a pig home in. Denny said: + +"I say, you might give us a lift. Will you?" + +The man who was going for the pig said: + +"What, all that little lot?" but he winked at Alice, and we saw that he +meant to aid us on our way. So we climbed up, and he whipped up the +horse and asked us where we were going. He was a kindly old man, with a +face like a walnut shell, and white hair and beard like a +jack-in-the-box. + +"We want to get to the tower," Alice said. "Is it a ruin, or not?" + +"It ain't no ruin," the man said; "no fear of that! The man wot built it +he left so much a year to be spent on repairing of it! Money that might +have put bread in honest folks' mouths." + +We asked was it a church then, or not. + +"Church?" he said. "Not it. It's more of a tombstone, from all I can +make out. They do say there was a curse on him that built it, and he +wasn't to rest in earth or sea. So he's buried half-way up the tower--if +you can call it buried." + +"Can you go up it?" Oswald asked. + +"Lord love you! yes; a fine view from the top, they say. I've never been +up myself, though I've lived in sight of it, boy and man, these +sixty-three years come harvest." + +Alice asked whether you had to go past the dead and buried person to get +to the top of the tower, and could you see the coffin. + +"No, no," the man said; "that's all hid away behind a slab of stone, +that is, with reading on it. You've no call to be afraid, missy. It's +daylight all the way up. But I wouldn't go there after dark, so I +wouldn't. It's always open, day and night, and they say tramps sleep +there now and again. Any one who likes can sleep there, but it wouldn't +be me." + +We thought that it would not be us either, but we wanted to go more than +ever, especially when the man said: + +"My own great-uncle of the mother's side, he was one of the masons that +set up the stone slab. Before then it was thick glass, and you could see +the dead man lying inside, as he'd left it in his will. He was lying +there in a glass coffin with his best clothes--blue satin and silver, my +uncle said, such as was all the go in his day, with his wig on, and his +sword beside him, what he used to wear. My uncle said his hair had grown +out from under his wig, and his beard was down to the toes of him. My +uncle he always upheld that that dead man was no deader than you and me, +but was in a sort of fit, a transit, I think they call it, and looked +for him to waken into life again some day. But the doctor said not. It +was only something done to him like Pharaoh in the Bible afore he was +buried." + +Alice whispered to Oswald that we should be late for tea, and wouldn't +it be better to go back now directly. But he said: + +"If you're afraid, say so; and you needn't come in anyway--but I'm going +on." + +The man who was going for the pig put us down at a gate quite near the +tower--at least it looked so until we began to walk again. We thanked +him, and he said: + +"Quite welcome," and drove off. + +We were rather quiet going through the wood. What we had heard made us +very anxious to see the tower--all except Alice, who would keep talking +about tea, though not a greedy girl by nature. None of the others +encouraged her, but Oswald thought himself that we had better be home +before dark. + +As we went up the path through the wood we saw a poor wayfarer with +dusty bare feet sitting on the bank. + +He stopped us and said he was a sailor, and asked for a trifle to help +him to get back to his ship. + +I did not like the look of him much myself, but Alice said, "Oh, the +poor man, do let's help him, Oswald." So we held a hurried council, and +decided to give him the milk sixpence. Oswald had it in his purse, and +he had to empty the purse into his hand to find the sixpence, for that +was not all the money he had, by any means. Noel said afterwards that he +saw the wayfarer's eyes fastened greedily upon the shining pieces as +Oswald returned them to his purse. Oswald has to own that he purposely +let the man see that he had more money, so that the man might not feel +shy about accepting so large a sum as sixpence. + +The man blessed our kind hearts and we went on. + +The sun was shining very brightly, and the Tower of Mystery did not look +at all like a tomb when we got to it. The bottom story was on arches, +all open, and ferns and things grew underneath. There was a round stone +stair going up in the middle. Alice began to gather ferns while we went +up, but when we had called out to her that it was as the pig-man had +said, and daylight all the way up, she said: + +"All right. I'm not afraid. I'm only afraid of being late home," and +came up after us. And perhaps, though not downright manly truthfulness, +this was as much as you could expect from a girl. + +There were holes in the little tower of the staircase to let light in. +At the top of it was a thick door with iron bolts. We shot these back, +and it was not fear but caution that made Oswald push open the door so +very slowly and carefully. + +Because, of course, a stray dog or cat might have got shut up there by +accident, and it would have startled Alice very much if it had jumped +out on us. + +When the door was opened we saw that there was no such thing. It was a +room with eight sides. Denny says it is the shape called octagenarian; +because a man named Octagius invented it. There were eight large arched +windows with no glass, only stone-work, like in churches. The room was +full of sunshine, and you could see the blue sky through the windows, +but nothing else, because they were so high up. It was so bright we +began to think the pig-man had been kidding us. Under one of the windows +was a door. We went through, and there was a little passage and then a +turret-twisting stair, like in the church, but quite light with windows. +When we had gone some way up this, we came to a sort of landing, and +there was a block of stone let into the wall--polished--Denny said it +was Aberdeen graphite, with gold letters cut in it. It said: + + "Here lies the body of Mr. Richard Ravenal. + Born 1720. Died 1779." + +and a verse of poetry: + + "Here lie I, between earth and sky, + Think upon me, dear passers-by, + And you who do my tombstone see + Be kind to say a prayer for me." + +"How horrid!" Alice said. "Do let's get home." + +"We may as well go to the top," Dicky said, "just to say we've been." + +And Alice is no funk--so she agreed; though I could see she did not like +it. + +Up at the top it was like the top of the church tower, only octagenarian +in shape, instead of square. + +Alice got all right there; because you cannot think much about ghosts +and nonsense when the sun is shining bang down on you at four o'clock in +the afternoon, and you can see red farm-roofs between the trees, and the +safe white roads, with people in carts like black ants crawling. + +It was very jolly, but we felt we ought to be getting back, because tea +is at five, and we could not hope to find lifts both ways. + +So we started to go down. Dicky went first, then Oswald, then Alice--and +H. O. had just stumbled over the top step and saved himself by Alice's +back, which nearly upset Oswald and Dicky, when the hearts of all stood +still, and then went on by leaps and bounds, like the good work in +missionary magazines. + +For, down below us, in the tower where the man whose beard grew down to +his toes after he was dead was buried, there was a noise--a loud noise. +And it was like a door being banged and bolts fastened. We tumbled over +each other to get back into the open sunshine on the top of the tower, +and Alice's hand got jammed between the edge of the doorway and H. O.'s +boot; it was bruised black and blue, and another part bled, but she did +not notice it till long after. + +We looked at each other, and Oswald said in a firm voice (at least, I +hope it was): + +"What was that?" + +"He _has_ waked up," Alice said. "Oh, I know he has. Of course there is +a door for him to get out by when he wakes. He'll come up here. I know +he will." + +Dicky said, and his voice was not at all firm (I noticed that at the +time), "It doesn't matter, if he's _alive_." + +"Unless he's come to life a raving lunatic," Noel said, and we all stood +with our eyes on the doorway of the turret--and held our breath to hear. + +But there was no more noise. + +Then Oswald said--and nobody ever put it in the Golden Deed book, though +they own that it was brave and noble of him--he said: + +"Perhaps it was only the wind blowing one of the doors to. I'll go down +and see, if you will, Dick." + +Dicky only said: + +"The wind doesn't shoot bolts." + +"A bolt from the blue," said Denny to himself, looking up at the sky. +His father is a sub-editor. He had gone very red, and he was holding on +to Alice's hand. Suddenly he stood up quite straight and said: + +"I'm not afraid. I'll go and see." + +_This_ was afterwards put in the Golden Deed book. It ended in Oswald +and Dicky and Denny going. Denny went first because he said he would +rather--and Oswald understood this and let him. If Oswald had pushed +first it would have been like Sir Launcelot refusing to let a young +knight win his spurs. Oswald took good care to go second himself, +though. The others never understood this. You don't expect it from +girls; but I did think father would have understood without Oswald +telling him, which of course he never could. + +We all went slowly. + +At the bottom of the turret stairs we stopped short. Because the door +there was bolted fast and would not yield to shoves, however desperate +and united. + +Only now somehow we felt that Mr. Richard Ravenal was all right and +quiet, but that some one had done it for a lark, or perhaps not known +about any one being up there. So we rushed up, and Oswald told the +others in a few hasty but well-chosen words, and we all leaned over +between the battlements, and shouted, "Hi! you there!" + +Then from under the arches of the quite-down-stairs part of the tower a +figure came forth--and it was the sailor who had had our milk sixpence. +He looked up and he spoke to us. He did not speak loud, but he spoke +loud enough for us to hear every word quite plainly. He said: + +"Drop that." + +Oswald said, "Drop what?" + +He said, "That row." + +Oswald said, "Why?" + +He said, "Because if you don't I'll come up and make you, and pretty +quick too, so I tell you." + +Dicky said, "Did you bolt the door?" + +The man said, "I did so, my young cock." + +Alice said--and Oswald wished to goodness she had held her tongue, +because he saw right enough the man was not friendly--"Oh, do come and +let us out--do, please." + +While she was saying it Oswald suddenly saw that he did not want the man +to come up. So he scurried down the stairs because he thought he had +seen something on the door on the top side, and sure enough there were +two bolts, and he shot them into their sockets. This bold act was not +put in the Golden Deed book, because when Alice wanted to, the others +said it was not _good_ of Oswald to think of this, but only _clever_. I +think sometimes, in moments of danger and disaster, it is as good to be +clever as it is to be good. But Oswald would never demean himself to +argue about this. + +When he got back the man was still standing staring up. Alice said: + +"Oh, Oswald, he says he won't let us out unless we give him all our +money. And we might be here for days and days and all night as well. No +one knows where we are to come and look for us. Oh, do let's give it him +_all_." + +She thought the lion of the English nation, which does not know when it +is beaten, would be ramping in her brother's breast. But Oswald kept +calm. He said: + +"All right," and he made the others turn out their pockets. Denny had a +bad shilling, with a head on both sides, and three halfpence. H. O. had +a halfpenny. Noel had a French penny, which is only good for chocolate +machines at railway stations. Dicky had tenpence halfpenny, and Oswald +had a two-shilling piece of his own that he was saving up to buy a gun +with. Oswald tied the whole lot up in his handkerchief, and looking over +the battlements, he said: + +"You are an ungrateful beast. We gave you sixpence freely of our own +will." + +The man did look a little bit ashamed, but he mumbled something about +having his living to get. + +Then Oswald said: + +"Here you are. Catch!" and he flung down the handkerchief with the money +in it. + +The man muffed the catch--butter-fingered idiot!--but he picked up the +handkerchief and undid it, and when he saw what was in it he swore +dreadfully. The cad! + +"Look here," he called out, "this won't do, young shaver. I want those +there shiners I see in your pus! Chuck 'em along!" + +Then Oswald laughed. He said: + +"I shall know you again anywhere, and you'll be put in prison for this. +Here are the _shiners_." And he was so angry he chucked down purse and +all. The shiners were not real ones, but only card-counters that looked +like sovereigns on one side. Oswald used to carry them in his purse so +as to look affluent. He does not do this now. + +When the man had seen what was in the purse he disappeared under the +tower, and Oswald was glad of what he had done about the bolts--and he +hoped they were as strong as the ones on the other side of the door. + +They were. + +We heard the man kicking and pounding at the door, and I am not ashamed +to say that we were all holding on to each other very tight. I am proud, +however, to relate that nobody screamed or cried. + +After what appeared to be long years, the banging stopped, and presently +we saw the brute going away among the trees. + +Then Alice did cry, and I do not blame her. + +Then Oswald said: + +"It's no use. Even if he's undone the door, he may be in ambush. We must +hold on here till somebody comes." + +Then Alice said, speaking chokily because she had not quite done crying: + +"Let's wave a flag." + +By the most fortunate accident she had on one of her Sunday petticoats, +though it was Monday. This petticoat is white. She tore it out at the +gathers, and we tied it to Denny's stick, and took turns to wave it. We +had laughed at his carrying a stick before, but we were very sorry now +that we had done so. + +And the tin dish the Lent pie was baked in we polished with our +handkerchiefs, and moved it about in the sun so that the sun might +strike on it and signal our distress to some of the outlying farms. + +This was perhaps the most dreadful adventure that had then ever happened +to us. Even Alice had now stopped thinking of Mr. Richard Ravenal, and +thought only of the lurker in ambush. + +We all felt our desperate situation keenly. I must say Denny behaved +like anything but a white mouse. When it was the others' turn to wave, +he sat on the leads of the tower and held Alice's and Noel's hands, and +said poetry to them--yards and yards of it. By some strange fatality it +seemed to comfort them. It wouldn't have me. + +He said "The Battle of the Baltic," and "Gray's Elegy," right through, +though I think he got wrong in places, and the "Revenge," and Macaulay's +thing about Lars Porsena and the Nine Gods. And when it was his turn he +waved like a man. + +I will try not to call him a white mouse any more. He was a brick that +day, and no mouse. + +The sun was low in the heavens, and we were sick of waving and very +hungry, when we saw a cart in the road below. We waved like mad, and +shouted, and Denny screamed exactly like a railway whistle, a thing none +of us had known before that he could do. + +[Illustration: "DENNY HELD ALICE'S AND NOEL'S HANDS"] + +And the cart stopped. And presently we saw a figure with a white beard +among the trees. It was our pig-man. + +We bellowed the awful truth to him, and when he had taken it in--he +thought at first we were kidding--he came up and let us out. + +He had got the pig; luckily it was a very small one--and we were not +particular. Denny and Alice sat on the front of the cart with the +pig-man, and the rest of us got in with the pig, and the man drove us +right home. You may think we talked it over on the way. Not us. We went +to sleep, among the pig, and before long the pig-man stopped and got us +to make room for Alice and Denny. There was a net over the cart. I never +was so sleepy in my life, though it was not more than bedtime. + +Generally, after anything exciting, you are punished--but this could not +be, because we had only gone for a walk, exactly as we were told. + +There was a new rule made, though. No walks, except on the high-roads, +and we were always to take Pincher, and either Lady, the deer-hound, or +Martha, the bull-dog. We generally hate rules, but we did not mind this +one. + +Father gave Denny a gold pencil-case because he was first to go down +into the tower. Oswald does not grudge Denny this, though some might +think he deserved at least a silver one. + +But Oswald is above such paltry jealousies. + + + + +THE WATER-WORKS + + +This is the story of one of the most far-reaching and influentially +naughty things we ever did in our lives. We did not mean to do such a +deed. And yet we did do it. These things will happen with the +best-regulated consciences. + +The story of this rash and fatal act is intimately involved--which means +all mixed up anyhow--with a private affair of Oswald's, and the one +cannot be revealed without the other. Oswald does not particularly want +his story to be remembered, but he wishes to tell the truth, and perhaps +it is what father calls a wholesome discipline to lay bare the awful +facts. + +It was like this. + +On Alice's and Noel's birthday we went on the river for a picnic. Before +that we had not known that there was a river so near us. Afterwards +father said he wished we had been allowed to remain in our pristine +ignorance, whatever that is. And perhaps the dark hour did dawn when we +wished so too. But a truce to vain regrets. + +It was rather a fine thing in birthdays. The uncle sent a box of toys +and sweets, things that were like a vision from another and a brighter +world. Besides that Alice had a knife, a pair of shut-up scissors, a +silk handkerchief, a book--it was _The Golden Age_ and is A1 except +where it gets mixed with grown-up nonsense. Also a work-case lined with +pink plush, a boot-bag, which no one in their senses would use because +it had flowers in wool all over it. And she had a box of chocolates and +a musical box that played "The Man Who Broke" and two other +tunes, and two pairs of kid gloves for church, and a box of +writing-paper--pink--with "Alice" on it in gold writing, and an egg +colored red that said "A. Bastable" in ink on one side. These gifts were +the offerings of Oswald, Dora, Dicky, Albert's uncle, Daisy, Mr. Foulkes +(our own robber), Noel, H. O., father, and Denny. Mrs. Pettigrew gave +the egg. It was a kindly housekeeper's friendly token. + +I shall not tell you about the picnic on the river, because the happiest +times form but dull reading when they are written down. I will merely +state that it was prime. Though happy, the day was uneventful. The only +thing exciting enough to write about was in one of the locks, where +there was a snake--a viper. It was asleep in a warm corner of the lock +gate, and when the gate was shut it fell off into the water. + +Alice and Dora screamed hideously. So did Daisy, but her screams were +thinner. + +The snake swam round and round all the time our boat was in the lock. It +swam with four inches of itself--the head end--reared up out of the +water, exactly like Kaa in the Jungle book--so we know Kipling is a +true author and no rotter. We were careful to keep our hands well inside +the boat. A snake's eyes strike terror into the boldest breast. + +When the lock was full father killed the viper with a boat-hook. I was +sorry for it myself. It was indeed a venomous serpent. But it was the +first we had ever seen, except at the Zoo. And it did swim most awfully +well. + +Directly the snake had been killed H. O. reached out for its corpse, and +the next moment the body of our little brother was seen wriggling +conclusively on the boat's edge. This exciting spectacle was not of a +lasting nature. He went right in. Father clawed him out. He is very +unlucky with water. + +Being a birthday, but little was said. H. O. was wrapped in everybody's +coats, and did not take any cold at all. + +This glorious birthday ended with an iced cake and ginger wine, and +drinking healths. Then we played whatever we liked. There had been +rounders during the afternoon. It was a day to be forever marked by +memory's brightest what's-its-name. + +I should not have said anything about the picnic but for one thing. It +was the thin edge of the wedge. It was the all-powerful lever that moved +but too many events. You see, _we were now no longer strangers to the +river_. + +And we went there whenever we could. Only we had to take the dogs, and +to promise no bathing without grown-ups. But paddling in back waters +was allowed. I say no more. + +I have not enumerated Noel's birthday presents because I wish to leave +something to the imagination of my young readers. (The best authors +always do this.) If you will take the large, red catalogue of the Army +and Navy Stores, and just make a list of about fifteen of the things you +would like best--prices from 2_s._ to 25_s._--you will get a very good +idea of Noel's presents, and it will help you to make up your mind in +case you are asked just before your next birthday what you really +_need_. + +One of Noel's birthday presents was a cricket-ball. He cannot bowl for +nuts, and it was a first-rate ball. So some days after the birthday +Oswald offered him to exchange it for a cocoanut he had won at the fair, +and two pencils (new), and a brand-new note-book. Oswald thought, and he +still thinks, that this was a fair exchange, and so did Noel at the +time, and he agreed to it, and was quite pleased till the girls said it +wasn't fair, and Oswald had the best of it. And then that young beggar +Noel wanted the ball back, but Oswald, though not angry, was firm. + +"You said it was a bargain, and you shook hands on it," he said, and he +said it quite kindly and calmly. + +Noel said he didn't care. He wanted his cricket-ball back. + +And the girls said it was a horrid shame. + +If they had not said that, Oswald might yet have consented to let Noel +have the beastly ball, but now, of course, he was not going to. He said: + +"Oh yes, I dare say. And then you would be wanting the cocoanut and +things again the next minute." + +"No, I shouldn't," Noel said. It turned out afterwards he and H. O. had +eaten the cocoanut, which only made it worse. And it made them worse, +too--which is what the book calls poetic justice. + +Dora said, "I don't think it was fair," and even Alice said: + +"Do let him have it back, Oswald." I wish to be just to Alice. She did +not know then about the cocoanut having been secretly wolfed up. + +We were in the garden. Oswald felt all the feelings of the hero when the +opposing forces gathered about him are opposing as hard as ever they +can. He knew he was not unfair, and he did not like to be jawed at just +because Noel had eaten the cocoanut and wanted the ball back. Though +Oswald did not know then about the eating of the cocoanut, but he felt +the injustice in his soul all the same. + +Noel said afterwards he meant to offer Oswald something else to make up +for the cocoanut, but he said nothing about this at the time. + +"Give it me, I say," Noel said. + +And Oswald said, "Sha'n't!" + +Then Noel called Oswald names, and Oswald did not answer back but just +kept smiling pleasantly, and carelessly throwing up the ball and +catching it again with an air of studied indifference. + +It was Martha's fault that what happened happened. She is the bull-dog, +and very stout and heavy. She had just been let loose and she came +bounding along in her clumsy way, and jumped up on Oswald, who is +beloved by all dumb animals. (You know how sagacious they are.) Well, +Martha knocked the ball out of Oswald's hands, and it fell on the grass, +and Noel pounced on it like a hooded falcon on its prey. Oswald would +scorn to deny that he was not going to stand this, and the next moment +the two were rolling over on the grass, and very soon Noel was made to +bite the dust. And serve him right. He is old enough to know his own +mind. + +Then Oswald walked slowly away with the ball, and the others picked Noel +up, and consoled the beaten, but Dicky would not take either side. + +And Oswald went up into his own room and lay on his bed, and reflected +gloomy reflections about unfairness. + +Presently he thought he would like to see what the others were doing +without their knowing he cared. So he went into the linen-room and +looked out of its window, and he saw they were playing Kings and +Queens--and Noel had the biggest paper crown and the longest stick +sceptre. + +Oswald turned away without a word, for it really was sickening. + +Then suddenly his weary eyes fell upon something they had not before +beheld. It was a square trap-door in the ceiling of the linen-room. + +Oswald never hesitated. He crammed the cricket-ball into his pocket and +climbed up the shelves and unbolted the trap-door, and shoved it up, and +pulled himself up through it. Though above all was dark and smelled of +spiders, Oswald fearlessly shut the trap-door down again before he +struck a match. He always carries matches. He is a boy fertile in every +subtle expedient. Then he saw he was in the wonderful, mysterious place +between the ceiling and the roof of the house. The roof is beams and +tiles. Slits of light show through the tiles here and there. The +ceiling, on its other and top side, is made of rough plaster and beams. +If you walk on the beams it is all right--if you walk on the plaster you +go through with your feet. Oswald found this out later, but some fine +instinct now taught the young explorer where he ought to tread and where +not. It was splendid. He was still very angry with the others, and he +was glad he had found out a secret they jolly well didn't know. + +He walked along a dark, narrow passage. Every now and then cross-beams +barred his way, and he had to creep under them. At last a small door +loomed before him with cracks of light under and over. He drew back the +rusty bolts and opened it. It opened straight on to the leads, a flat +place between two steep red roofs, with a parapet two feet high back and +front, so that no one could see you. It was a place no one could have +invented better than, if they had tried, for hiding in. + +Oswald spent the whole afternoon there. He happened to have a volume of +_Percy's Anecdotes_ in his pocket, the one about lawyers, as well as a +few apples. While he read he fingered the cricket-ball, and presently it +rolled away, and he thought he would get it by-and-by. + +When the tea-bell rang he forgot the ball and went hurriedly down, for +apples do not keep the inside from the pangs of hunger. + +Noel met him on the landing, got red in the face, and said: + +"It wasn't _quite_ fair about the ball, because H. O. and I had eaten +the cocoanut. _You_ can have it." + +"I don't want your beastly ball," Oswald said, "only I hate unfairness. +However, I don't know where it is just now. When I find it you shall +have it to bowl with as often as you want." + +"Then you're not waxy?" + +And Oswald said "No," and they went in to tea together. So that was all +right. There were raisin cakes for tea. + +Next day we happened to want to go down to the river quite early. I +don't know why; this is called Fate, or Destiny. We dropped in at the +"Rose and Crown" for some ginger-beer on our way. The landlady is a +friend of ours and lets us drink it in her back parlor, instead of in +the bar, which would be improper for girls. + +We found her awfully busy, making pies and jellies, and her two sisters +were hurrying about with great hams and pairs of chickens and rounds of +cold beef and lettuces and pickled salmon and trays of crockery and +glasses. + +"It's for the angling competition," she said. + +We said, "What's that?" + +"Why," she said, slicing cucumber like beautiful machinery while she +said it, "a lot of anglers come down some particular day and fish one +particular bit of the river. And the one that catches most fish gets the +prize. They're fishing the pen above Stoneham Lock. And they all come +here to dinner. So I've got my hands full and a trifle over." + +We said, "Couldn't we help?" + +But she said, "Oh no, thank you. Indeed not, please. I really am so I +don't know which way to turn. Do run along, like dears." + +So we ran along like these timid but graceful animals. + +Need I tell the intellectual reader that we went straight off to the pen +above Stoneham Lock to see the anglers competing? Angling is the same +thing as fishing. + +I am not going to try and explain locks to you. If you've never seen a +lock you could never understand even if I wrote it in words of one +syllable and pages and pages long. And if you have, you'll understand +without my telling you. It is harder than Euclid if you don't know +beforehand. But you might get a grown-up person to explain it to you +with books or wooden bricks. + +I will tell you what a pen is because that is easy. It is the bit of +river between one lock and the next. In some rivers "pens" are called +"reaches," but pen is the proper word. + +We went along the towing-path; it is shady with willows, aspens, alders, +elders, oaks and other trees. On the banks are flowers--yarrow, +meadow-sweet, willow herb, loose-strife, and lady's bed-straw. Oswald +learned the names of all these trees and plants on the day of the +picnic. The others didn't remember them, but Oswald did. He is a boy of +what they call relenting memory. + +The anglers were sitting here and there on the shady bank among the +grass and the different flowers I have named. Some had dogs with them, +and some umbrellas, and some had only their wives and families. + +We should have liked to talk to them and ask how they liked their lot, +and what kinds of fish there were, and whether they were nice to eat, +but we did not like to. + +Denny had seen anglers before and he knew they liked to be talked to, +but though he spoke to them quite like to equals he did not ask the +things we wanted to know. He just asked whether they'd had any luck, and +what bait they used. + +And they answered him back politely. I am glad I am not an angler. It is +an immovable amusement, and, as often as not, no fish to speak of after +all. + +Daisy and Dora had stayed at home: Dora's foot was nearly well, but +they seem really to like sitting still. I think Dora likes to have a +little girl to order about. Alice never would stand it. When we got to +Stoneham Lock, Denny said he should go home and fetch his fishing-rod. +H. O. went with him. This left four of us--Oswald, Alice, Dicky, and +Noel. We went on down the towing-path. + +The lock shuts up (that sounds as if it was like the lock on a door, but +it is very otherwise) between one pen of the river and the next; the pen +where the anglers were was full right up over the roots of the grass and +flowers. + +But the pen below was nearly empty. + +"You can see the poor river's bones," Noel said. + +And so you could. + +Stones and mud and dried branches, and here and there an old kettle or a +tin pail with no bottom to it, that some bargee had chucked in. + +From walking so much along the river we knew many of the bargees. +Bargees are the captains and crews of the big barges that are pulled up +and down the river by slow horses. The horses do not swim. They walk on +the towing-path, with a rope tied to them, and the other end to the +barge. So it gets pulled along. The bargees we knew were a good friendly +sort, and used to let us go all over the barges when they were in a good +temper. They were not at all the sort of bullying, cowardly fiends in +human form that the young hero at Oxford fights a crowd of, +single-handed, in books. + +The river does not smell nice when its bones are showing. But we went +along down, because Oswald wanted to get some cobbler's wax in Falding +village for a bird-net he was making. + +But just above Falding Lock, where the river is narrow and straight, we +saw a sad and gloomy sight--a big barge sitting flat on the mud because +there was not water enough to float her. + +There was no one on board, but we knew by a red flannel waistcoat that +was spread out to dry on top that the barge belonged to friends of ours. + +Then Alice said, "They have gone to find the man who turns on the water +to fill the pen. I dare say they won't find him. He's gone to his +dinner, I shouldn't wonder. What a lovely surprise it would be if they +came back to find their barge floating high and dry on a lot of water! +_Do_ let's do it. It's a long time since any of us did a kind action +deserving of being put in the Book of Golden Deeds." + +We had given that name to the minute-book of that beastly "Society of +the Wouldbegoods." Then you could think of the book if you wanted to +without remembering the Society. I always tried to forget both of them. + +Oswald said, "But how? _You_ don't know how. And if you did we haven't +got a crow-bar." + +I cannot help telling you that locks are opened with crow-bars. You push +and push till a thing goes up and the water runs through. It is rather +like the little sliding-door in the big door of a hen-house. + +"I know where the crow-bar is," Alice said. "Dicky and I were down here +yesterday when you were su--" She was going to say sulking, I know, but +she remembered manners ere too late, so Oswald bears her no malice. She +went on: "Yesterday, when you were up-stairs. And we saw the +water-tender open the lock and the weir sluices. It's quite easy, isn't +it, Dicky?" + +"As easy as kiss your hand," said Dicky; "and what's more, I know where +he keeps the other thing he opens the sluices with. I votes we do." + +"Do let's, if we can," Noel said, "and the bargees will bless the names +of their unknown benefactors. They might make a song about us, and sing +it on winter nights as they pass round the wassail bowl in front of the +cabin fire." + +Noel wanted to very much; but I don't think it was altogether for +generousness, but because he wanted to see how the sluices opened. Yet +perhaps I do but wrong the boy. + +We sat and looked at the barge a bit longer, and then Oswald said, well, +he didn't mind going back to the lock and having a look at the +crow-bars. You see Oswald did not propose this; he did not even care +very much about it when Alice suggested it. + +But when we got to Stoneham Lock, and Dicky dragged the two heavy +crow-bars from among the elder bushes behind a fallen tree, and began to +pound away at the sluice of the lock, Oswald felt it would not be manly +to stand idly apart. So he took his turn. + +[Illustration: "DICKY DRAGGED THE TWO HEAVY BARS"] + +It was very hard work, but we opened the lock sluices, and we did not +drop the crow-bar into the lock either, as I have heard of being done by +older and sillier people. + +The water poured through the sluices all green and solid, as if it had +been cut with a knife, and where it fell on the water underneath the +white foam spread like a moving counterpane. When we had finished the +lock we did the weir--which is wheels and chains--and the water pours +through over the stones in a magnificent water-fall and sweeps out all +round the weir-pool. + +The sight of the foaming water-falls was quite enough reward for our +heavy labors, even without the thought of the unspeakable gratitude that +the bargees would feel to us when they got back to their barge and found +her no longer a stick-in-the-mud, but bounding on the free bosom of the +river. + +When we had opened all the sluices we gazed awhile on the beauties of +nature, and then went home, because we thought it would be more truly +noble and good not to wait to be thanked for our kind and devoted +action--and besides, it was nearly dinner-time, and Oswald thought it +was going to rain. + +On the way home we agreed not to tell the others, because it would be +like boasting of our good acts. + +"They will know all about it," Noel said, "when they hear us being +blessed by the grateful bargees, and the tale of the Unknown Helpers is +being told by every village fireside. And then they can write it in the +Golden Deed book." + +So we went home. Denny and H. O. had thought better of it, and they were +fishing in the moat. They did not catch anything. + +Oswald is very weather-wise--at least, so I have heard it said, and he +had thought there would be rain. There was. It came on while we were at +dinner--a great, strong, thundering rain, coming down in sheets--the +first rain we had had since we came to the Moat House. + +We went to bed as usual. No presentiment of the coming awfulness clouded +our young mirth. I remember Dicky and Oswald had a wrestling match, and +Oswald won. + +In the middle of the night Oswald was awakened by a hand on his face. It +was a wet hand and very cold. Oswald hit out, of course, but a voice +said, in a hoarse, hollow whisper: + +"Don't be a young ass! Have you got any matches? My bed's full of water; +it's pouring down from the ceiling." + +Oswald's first thought was that perhaps by opening those sluices we had +flooded some secret passage which communicated with the top of Moat +House, but when he was properly awake he saw that this could not be, on +account of the river being so low. + +He had matches. He is, as I said before, a boy full of resources. He +struck one and lit a candle, and Dicky, for it was indeed he, gazed with +Oswald at the amazing spectacle. + +Our bedroom floor was all wet in patches. Dicky's bed stood in a pond, +and from the ceiling water was dripping in rich profusion at a dozen +different places. There was a great wet patch in the ceiling, and that +was blue, instead of white like the dry part, and the water dripped from +different parts of it. + +In a moment Oswald was quite unmanned. + +"Krikey!" he said, in a heart-broken tone, and remained an instant +plunged in thought. + +"What on earth are we to do?" Dicky said. + +And really for a short time even Oswald did not know. It was a +blood-curdling event, a regular facer. Albert's uncle had gone to London +that day to stay till the next. Yet something must be done. + +The first thing was to rouse the unconscious others from their deep +sleep, because the water was beginning to drip on to their beds, and +though as yet they knew it not, there was quite a pool on Noel's bed, +just in the hollow behind where his knees were doubled up, and one of H. +O.'s boots was full of water, that surged wildly out when Oswald +happened to kick it over. + +We woke them--a difficult task, but we did not shrink from it. + +Then we said, "Get up, there is a flood! Wake up, or you will be drowned +in your beds! And it's half-past two by Oswald's watch." + +They awoke slowly and very stupidly. H. O. was the slowest and +stupidest. + +The water poured faster and faster from the ceiling. + +We looked at each other and turned pale, and Noel said: + +"Hadn't we better call Mrs. Pettigrew?" + +But Oswald simply couldn't consent to this. He could not get rid of the +feeling that this was our fault somehow for meddling with the river, +though of course the clear star of reason told him it could not possibly +be the case. + +We all devoted ourselves, heart and soul, to the work before us. We put +the bath under the worst and wettest place, and the jugs and basins +under lesser streams, and we moved the beds away to the dry end of the +room. Ours is a long attic that runs right across the house. + +But the water kept coming in worse and worse. Our night-shirts were wet +through, so we got into our other shirts and knickerbockers, but +preserved bareness in our feet. And the floor kept on being half an inch +deep in water, however much we mopped it up. + +We emptied the basins out of the window as fast as they filled, and we +baled the bath with a jug without pausing to complain how hard the work +was. All the same, it was more exciting than you can think. But in +Oswald's dauntless breast he began to see that they would _have_ to call +Mrs. Pettigrew. + +A new water-fall broke out between the fire-grate and the mantel-piece, +and spread in devastating floods. Oswald is full of ingenious devices. I +think I have said this before, but it is quite true; and perhaps even +truer this time than it was last time I said it. + +He got a board out of the box-room next door, and rested one end in the +chink between the fire-place and the mantel-piece, and laid the other +end on the back of a chair, then we stuffed the rest of the chink with +our nightgowns, and laid a towel along the plank, and behold, a noble +stream poured over the end of the board right into the bath we put there +ready. It was like Niagara, only not so round in shape. The first lot of +water that came down the chimney was very dirty. The wind whistled +outside. Noel said, "If it's pipes burst, and not the rain, it will be +nice for the water-rates." Perhaps it was only natural after this for +Denny to begin with his everlasting poetry. He stopped mopping up the +water to say: + + "By this the storm grew loud apace, + The water-rates were shrieking, + And in the howl of Heaven each face + Grew black as they were speaking." + +Our faces were black, and our hands too, but we did not take any notice; +we only told him not to gas but to go on mopping. And he did. And we all +did. + +But more and more water came pouring down. You would not believe so much +could come off one roof. + +When at last it was agreed that Mrs. Pettigrew must be awakened at all +hazards, we went and woke Alice to do the fatal errand. + +When she came back, with Mrs. Pettigrew in a night-cap and a red flannel +petticoat, we held our breath. + +But Mrs. Pettigrew did not even say, "What on earth have you children +been up to _now_?" as Oswald had feared. + +She simply sat down on my bed and said: + +"Oh, dear! oh, dear! oh, dear!" ever so many times. + +Then Denny said, "I once saw holes in a cottage roof. The man told me it +was done when the water came through the thatch. He said if the water +lies all about on the top of the ceiling it breaks it down, but if you +make holes the water will only come through the holes and you can put +pails under the holes to catch it." + +So we made nine holes in the ceiling with the poker, and put pails, +baths, and tubs under, and now there was not so much water on the floor. +But we had to keep on working like niggers, and Mrs. Pettigrew and Alice +worked the same. + +About five in the morning the rain stopped; about seven the water did +not come in so fast, and presently it only dripped slowly. Our task was +done. + +This is the only time I was ever up all night. I wish it happened +oftener. We did not go back to bed then, but dressed and went down. We +all went to sleep in the afternoon, though. Quite without meaning to. + +Oswald went up on the roof, before breakfast, to see if he could find +the hole where the rain had come in. He did not find any hole, but he +found the cricket-ball jammed in the top of a gutter-pipe, which he +afterwards knew ran down inside the wall of the house and ran into the +moat below. It seems a silly dodge, but so it was. + +[Illustration: "'OH, DEAR! OH, DEAR!'"] + +When the men went up after breakfast to see what had caused the flood +they said there must have been a good half-foot of water on the leads +the night before for it to have risen high enough to go above the edge +of the lead, and of course when it got above the lead there was nothing +to stop it running down under it, and soaking through the ceiling. The +parapet and the roofs kept it from tumbling off down the sides of the +house in the natural way. They said there must have been some +obstruction in the pipe which ran down into the house, but whatever it +was the water had washed it away, for they put wires down, and the pipe +was quite clear. + +While we were being told this Oswald's trembling fingers felt at the wet +cricket-ball in his pocket. And he _knew_, but he _could_ not tell. He +heard them wondering what the obstruction could have been, and all the +time he had the obstruction in his pocket, and never said a single word. + +I do not seek to defend him. But it really was an awful thing to have +been the cause of; and Mrs. Pettigrew is but harsh and hasty. But this, +as Oswald knows too well, is no excuse for his silent conduct. + +That night at tea Albert's uncle was rather silent too. At last he +looked upon us with a glance full of intelligence, and said: + +"There was a queer thing happened yesterday. You know there was an +angling competition. The pen was kept full on purpose. Some mischievous +busybody went and opened the sluices and let all the water out. The +anglers' holiday was spoiled. No, the rain wouldn't have spoiled it +anyhow, Alice; anglers _like_ rain. The 'Rose and Crown' dinner was half +of it wasted because the anglers were so furious that a lot of them took +the next train to town. And this is the worst of all--a barge, that was +on the mud in the pen below, was lifted and jammed across the river, and +then the water tilted her over, and her cargo is on the river bottom. It +was coals." + +During this speech there were four of us who knew not where to turn our +agitated glances. Some of us tried bread and butter, but it seemed dry +and difficult, and those who tried tea choked and spluttered and were +sorry they had not let it alone. + +When the speech stopped Alice said, "It was us." + +And with deepest feelings she and the rest of us told all about it. +Oswald did not say much. He was turning the obstruction round and round +in his pocket, and wishing with all his sentiments that he had owned up +like a man when Albert's uncle asked him before tea to tell him all +about what had happened during the night. + +When they had told all, Albert's uncle told us four still more plainly, +and exactly, what we had done, and how much pleasure we had spoiled, and +how much of my father's money we had wasted--because he would have to +pay for the coals being got up from the bottom of the river, if they +could be, and if not, for the price of the coals. And we saw it _all_. + +And when he had done Alice burst out crying over her plate and said: + +"It's no use! We _have_ tried to be good since we've been down here. You +don't know how we've tried! And it's all no use. I believe we are the +wickedest children in the whole world, and I wish we were all dead!" + +This was a dreadful thing to say, and of course the rest of us were all +very shocked. But Oswald could not help looking at Albert's uncle to see +how he would take it. + +He said, very gravely, "My dear kiddie, you ought to be sorry, and I +wish you to be sorry for what you've done. And you will be punished for +it." (We were; our pocket-money was stopped and we were forbidden to go +near the river, besides impositions miles long.) "But," he went on, "you +mustn't give up trying to be good. You are extremely naughty and +tiresome, as you know very well." + +Alice, Dicky, and Noel began to cry at about this time. + +"But you are not the wickedest children in the world by any means." + +Then he stood up and straightened his collar, and put his hands in his +pockets. + +"You're very unhappy now," he said, "and you deserve to be. But I will +say one thing to you." + +Then he said a thing which Oswald at least will never forget (though but +little he deserved it, with the obstruction in his pocket, unowned up +to all the time). + +He said, "I have known you all for four years--and you know as well as I +do how many scrapes I've seen you in and out of--but I've never known +one of you tell a lie, and I've never known one of you do a mean or +dishonorable action. And when you have done wrong you are always sorry. +Now this is something to stand firm on. You'll learn to be good in the +other ways some day." + +He took his hands out of his pockets, and his face looked different, so +that three of the four guilty creatures knew he was no longer adamant, +and they threw themselves into his arms. Dora, Denny, Daisy, and H. O., +of course, were not in it, and I think they thanked their stars. + +Oswald did not embrace Albert's uncle. He stood there and made up his +mind he would go for a soldier. He gave the wet ball one last squeeze, +and took his hand out of his pocket, and said a few words before going +to enlist. He said: + +"The others may deserve what you say. I hope they do, I'm sure. But _I_ +don't, because it was my rotten cricket-ball that stopped up the pipe +and caused the midnight flood in our bedroom. And I knew it quite early +this morning. And I didn't own up." + +Oswald stood there covered with shame, and he could feel the hateful +cricket-ball heavy and cold against the top of his leg, through the +pocket. + +Albert's uncle said--and his voice made Oswald hot all over, but not +with shame--he said-- + +I shall not tell you what he said. It is no one's business but Oswald's; +only I will own it made Oswald not quite so anxious to run away for a +soldier as he had been before. + +That owning up was the hardest thing I ever did. They did put that in +the Book of Golden Deeds, though it was not a kind or generous act, and +did no good to any one or anything except Oswald's own inside feelings. +I must say I think they might have let it alone. Oswald would rather +forget it. Especially as Dicky wrote it in and put this: + +"Oswald acted a lie, which, he knows, is as bad as telling one. But he +owned up when he needn't have, and this condones his sin. We think he +was a thorough brick to do it." + +Alice scratched this out afterwards and wrote the record of the incident +in more flattering terms. But Dicky had used father's ink, and she used +Mrs. Pettigrew's, so any one can read _his_ underneath the scratching +outs. + +The others were awfully friendly to Oswald, to show they agreed with +Albert's uncle in thinking I deserved as much share as any one in any +praise there might be going. + +It was Dora who said it all came from my quarrelling with Noel about +that rotten cricket-ball; but Alice, gently yet firmly, made her shut +up. + +I let Noel have the ball. It had been thoroughly soaked, but it dried +all right. But it could never be the same to me after what _it_ had done +and what _I_ had done. + +I hope you will try to agree with Albert's uncle and not think foul +scorn of Oswald because of this story. Perhaps you have done things +nearly as bad yourself sometimes. If you have, you will know how "owning +up" soothes the savage breast and alleviates the gnawings of remorse. + +If you have never done naughty acts, I expect it is only because you +never had the sense to think of anything. + + + + +THE CIRCUS + + +The ones of us who had started the Society of the Wouldbegoods began, at +about this time, to bother. + +They said we had not done anything really noble--not worth speaking of, +that is--for over a week, and that it was high time to begin +again--"with earnest endeavor," Daisy said. So then Oswald said: + +"All right; but there ought to be an end to everything. Let's each of us +think of one really noble and unselfish act, and the others shall help +to work it out, like we did when we were Treasure Seekers. Then when +everybody's had their go-in we'll write every single thing down in the +Golden Deed book, and we'll draw two lines in red ink at the bottom, +like father does at the end of an account. And after that, if any one +wants to be good they can jolly well be good on our own, if at all." + +The ones who had made the Society did not welcome this wise idea, but +Dicky and Oswald were firm. + +So they had to agree. When Oswald is really firm, opposingness and +obstinacy have to give way. + +Dora said, "It would be a noble action to have all the school-children +from the village and give them tea and games in the paddock. They would +think it so nice and good of us." + +But Dicky showed her that this would not be _our_ good act, but +father's, because he would have to pay for the tea, and he had already +stood us the keepsakes for the soldiers, as well as having to stump up +heavily over the coal barge. And it is in vain being noble and generous +when some one else is paying for it all the time, even if it happens to +be your father. Then three others had ideas at the same time and began +to explain what they were. + +We were all in the dining-room, and perhaps we were making a bit of a +row. Anyhow, Oswald, for one, does not blame Albert's uncle for opening +his door and saying: + +"I suppose I must not ask for complete silence. That were too much. But +if you could whistle, or stamp with your feet, or shriek or +howl--anything to vary the monotony of your well-sustained +conversation." + +Oswald said, kindly, "We're awfully sorry. Are you busy?" + +"Busy?" said Albert's uncle. "My heroine is now hesitating on the verge +of an act which, for good or ill, must influence her whole subsequent +career. You wouldn't like her to decide in the middle of such a row that +she can't hear herself think?" + +We said, "No, we wouldn't." + +Then he said, "If any outdoor amusement should commend itself to you +this bright midsummer day--" + +So we all went out. + +Then Daisy whispered to Dora--they always hang together. Daisy is not +nearly so white-micey as she was at first, but she still seems to fear +the deadly ordeal of public speaking. Dora said: + +"Daisy's idea is a game that'll take us all day. She thinks keeping out +of the way when he's making his heroine decide right would be a noble +act, and fit to write in the Golden Book; and we might as well be +playing something at the same time." + +We all said "Yes, but what?" + +There was a silent interval. + +"Speak up, Daisy, my child," Oswald said; "fear not to lay bare the +utmost thoughts of that faithful heart." + +Daisy giggled. Our own girls never giggle; they laugh right out or hold +their tongues. Their kind brothers have taught them this. Then Daisy +said: + +"If we could have a sort of play to keep us out of the way. I once read +a story about an animal race. Everybody had an animal, and they had to +go how they liked, and the one that got in first got the prize. There +was a tortoise in it, and a rabbit, and a peacock, and sheep, and dogs, +and a kitten." + +This proposal left us cold, as Albert's uncle says, because we knew +there could not be any prize worth bothering about. And though you may +be ever ready and willing to do anything for nothing, yet if there's +going to be a prize there must _be_ a prize and there's an end of it. + +Thus the idea was not followed up. Dicky yawned and said, "Let's go into +the barn and make a fort." + +So we did, with straw. It does not hurt straw to be messed about with +like it does hay. + +The down-stairs--I mean down-ladder--part of the barn was fun too, +especially for Pincher. There was as good ratting there as you could +wish to see. Martha tried it, but she could not help running kindly +beside the rat, as if she was in double harness with it. This is the +noble bull-dog's gentle and affectionate nature coming out. We all +enjoyed the ratting that day, but it ended, as usual, in the girls +crying because of the poor rats. Girls cannot help this; we must not be +waxy with them on account of it, they have their nature, same as +bull-dogs have, and it is this that makes them so useful in smoothing +the pillows of the sick-bed and tending wounded heroes. + +However, the forts, and Pincher, and the girls crying, and having to be +thumped on the back, passed the time very agreeably till dinner. There +was roast mutton with onion sauce, and a roly-poly pudding. + +Albert's uncle said we had certainly effaced ourselves effectually, +which means we hadn't bothered. + +So we determined to do the same during the afternoon, for he told us his +heroine was by no means out of the wood yet. + +And at first it was easy. Jam roly gives you a peaceful feeling and you +do not at first care if you never play any runabout game ever any more. +But after a while the torpor begins to pass away. Oswald was the first +to recover from his. + +He had been lying on his front part in the orchard, but now he turned +over on his back and kicked his legs up, and said: + +"I say, look here; let's do something."[A] + +[Footnote A: See page 137 for short story.] + +Daisy looked thoughtful. She was chewing the soft yellow parts of grass, +but I could see she was still thinking about that animal race. So I +explained to her that it would be very poor fun without a tortoise and a +peacock, and she saw this, though not willingly. + +It was H. O. who said: + +"Doing anything with animals is prime! if they only will. Let's have a +circus!" + +At the word the last thought of the pudding faded from Oswald's memory +and he stretched himself, sat up, and said: + +"Bully for H. O. Let's!" + +The others also threw off the heavy weight of memory, and sat up and +said "Let's!" too. + +Never, never in all our lives had we had such a gay galaxy of animals at +our command. The rabbits and the guinea-pigs, and even all the bright, +glass-eyed, stuffed denizens of our late-lamented Jungle, paled into +insignificance before the number of live things on the farm. + +(I hope you do not think that the words I use are getting too long. I +know they are the right words. And Albert's uncle says your style is +always altered a bit by what you read. And I have been reading the +Vicomte de Bragelonne. Nearly all my new words come out of those.) + +"The worst of a circus is" Dora said, "that you've got to teach the +animals things. A circus where the performing creatures hadn't learned +performing would be a bit silly. Let's give up a week to teaching them +and then have the circus." + +Some people have no idea of the value of time. And Dora is one of those +who do not understand that when you want to do a thing you _do_ want to, +and not to do something else, and perhaps your own thing, a week later. + +Oswald said the first thing was to collect the performing animals. + +"Then perhaps," he said, "we may find that they have hidden talents +hitherto unsuspected by their harsh masters." + +So Denny took a pencil and wrote a list of the animals required. + +This is it: + + +LIST OF ANIMALS REQUISITE FOR THE CIRCUS WE ARE GOING TO HAVE + + 1 Bull for bull-fight. + + 1 Horse for ditto (if possible). + + 1 Goat to do Alpine feats of daring. + + 1 Donkey to play see-saw. + + 2 White pigs--one to be Learned, and the other to play with + the clown. + + Turkeys--as many as possible, because they can make a noise + that sounds like an audience applauding. + + The dogs--for any odd parts. + + 1 large black pig--to be the Elephant in the procession. + + Calves (several) to be camels, and to stand on tubs. + +Daisy ought to have been captain because it was partly her idea, but she +let Oswald be, because she is of a retiring character. Oswald said: + +"The first thing is to get all the creatures together; the paddock at +the side of the orchard is the very place, because the hedge is good all +round. When we've got the performers all there we'll make a programme, +and then dress for our parts. It's a pity there won't be any audience +but the turkeys." + +We took the animals in their right order, according to Denny's list. The +bull was the first. He is black. He does not live in the cow-house with +the other horned people; he has a house all to himself two fields away. +Oswald and Alice went to fetch him. They took a halter to lead the bull +by, and a whip, not to hurt the bull with, but just to make him mind. + +The others were to try to get one of the horses while we were gone. + +Oswald, as usual, was full of bright ideas. + +"I dare say," he said, "the bull will be shy at first, and he'll have to +be goaded into the arena." + +"But goads hurt," Alice said. + +"They don't hurt the bull," Oswald said; "his powerful hide is too +thick." + +"Then why does he attend to it," Alice asked, "if it doesn't hurt?" + +"Properly brought-up bulls attend because they know they ought," Oswald +said. "I think I shall ride the bull," the brave boy went on. "A +bull-fight, where an intrepid rider appears on the bull, sharing its +joys and sorrows. It would be something quite new." + +"You can't ride bulls," Alice said; "at least, not if their backs are +sharp like cows." + +But Oswald thought he could. The bull lives in a house made of wood and +prickly furze-bushes, and he has a yard to his house. You cannot climb +on the roof of his house at all comfortably. + +When we got there he was half in his house and half out in his yard, and +he was swinging his tail because of the flies which bothered. It was a +very hot day. + +"You'll see," Alice said, "he won't want a goad. He'll be so glad to get +out for a walk he'll drop his head in my hand like a tame fawn, and +follow me lovingly all the way." + +Oswald called to him. He said, "Bull! Bull! Bull! Bull!" because we did +not know the animal's real name. The bull took no notice; then Oswald +picked up a stone and threw it at the bull, not angrily, but just to +make it pay attention. But the bull did not pay a farthing's worth of +it. So then Oswald leaned over the iron gate of the bull's yard and just +flicked the bull with the whip lash. And then the bull _did_ pay +attention. He started when the lash struck him, then suddenly he faced +round, uttering a roar like that of the wounded King of Beasts, and +putting his head down close to his feet he ran straight at the iron gate +where we were standing. + +Alice and Oswald mechanically turned away; they did not wish to annoy +the bull any more, and they ran as fast as they could across the field +so as not to keep the others waiting. + +As they ran across the field Oswald had a dream-like fancy that perhaps +the bull had rooted up the gate with one paralyzing blow, and was now +tearing across the field after him and Alice, with the broken gate +balanced on its horns. We climbed the stile quickly and looked back; the +bull was still on the right side of the gate. + +Oswald said, "I think we'll do without the bull. He did not seem to want +to come. We must be kind to dumb animals." + +Alice said, between laughing and crying: + +"Oh, Oswald, how can you!" But we did do without the bull, and we did +not tell the others how we had hurried to get back. We just said, "The +bull didn't seem to care about coming." + +The others had not been idle. They had got old Clover, the cart-horse, +but she would do nothing but graze, so we decided not to use her in the +bull-fight, but to let her be the Elephant. The Elephant's is a nice, +quiet part, and she was quite big enough for a young one. Then the black +pig could be Learned, and the other two could be something else. They +had also got the goat; he was tethered to a young tree. + +The donkey was there. Denny was leading him in the halter. + +The dogs were there, of course--they always are. + +So now we only had to get the turkeys for the applause, and the calves +and pigs. + +The calves were easy to get, because they were in their own house. There +were five. And the pigs were in their houses too. We got them out after +long and patient toil, and persuaded them that they wanted to go into +the paddock, where the circus was to be. This is done by pretending to +drive them the other way. A pig only knows two ways--the way you want +him to go and the other. But the turkeys knew thousands of different +ways, and tried them all. They made such an awful row we had to drop all +ideas of ever hearing applause from their lips, so we came away and left +them. + +"Never mind," H. O. said, "they'll be sorry enough afterwards, nasty, +unobliging things, because now they won't see the circus. I hope the +other animals will tell them about it." + +While the turkeys were engaged in baffling the rest of us, Dicky had +found three sheep who seemed to wish to join the glad throng, so we let +them. + +Then we shut the gate of the paddock, and left the dumb circus +performers to make friends with each other while we dressed. + +Oswald and H. O. were to be clowns. It is quite easy with Albert's +uncle's pyjamas, and flour on your hair and face, and the red they do +the brick-floors with. + +Alice had very short pink and white skirts, and roses in her hair and +round her dress. Her dress was the pink calico and white muslin stuff +off the dressing-table in the girls' room fastened with pins and tied +round the waist with a small bath towel. She was to be the Dauntless +Equestrienne, and to give her enhancing act of bare-backed daring, +riding either a pig or a sheep, whichever we found was freshest and most +skittish. Dora was dressed for the _Haute Ecole_, which means a +riding-habit and a high hat. She took Dick's topper that he wears with +his Etons, and a skirt of Mrs. Pettigrew's. Daisy dressed the same as +Alice, taking the muslin from Mrs. Pettigrew's dressing-table without +saying anything beforehand. None of us would have advised this, and +indeed we were thinking of trying to put it back, when Denny and Noel, +who were wishing to look like highwaymen, with brown paper top-boots and +slouch hats and Turkish towel cloaks, suddenly stopped dressing and +gazed out of the window. + +"Krikey!" said Dick; "come on, Oswald!" and he bounded like an antelope +from the room. + +Oswald and the rest followed, casting a hasty glance through the window. +Noel had got brown paper boots too, and a Turkish towel cloak. H. O. +had been waiting for Dora to dress him up for the other clown. He had +only his shirt and knickerbockers and his braces on. He came down as he +was--as indeed we all did. And no wonder, for in the paddock, where the +circus was to be, a blood-thrilling thing had transpired. The dogs were +chasing the sheep. And we had now lived long enough in the country to +know the fell nature of our dogs' improper conduct. + +We all rushed into the paddock, calling to Pincher, and Martha, and +Lady. Pincher came almost at once. He is a well-brought-up dog--Oswald +trained him. Martha did not seem to hear. She is awfully deaf, but she +did not matter so much, because the sheep could walk away from her +easily. She has no pace and no wind. But Lady is a deer-hound. She is +used to pursuing that fleet and antlered pride of the forest--the +stag--and she can go like billyo. She was now far away in a distant +region of the paddock, with a fat sheep just before her in full flight. +I am sure if ever anybody's eyes did start out of their heads with +horror, like in narratives of adventure, ours did then. + +There was a moment's pause of speechless horror. We expected to see Lady +pull down her quarry, and we know what a lot of money a sheep costs, to +say nothing of its own personal feelings. + +Then we started to run for all we were worth. It is hard to run swiftly +as the arrow from the bow when you happen to be wearing pyjamas +belonging to a grown-up person--as I was--but even so I beat Dicky. He +said afterwards it was because his brown paper boots came undone and +tripped him up. Alice came in third. She held on the dressing-table +muslin and ran jolly well. But ere we reached the fatal spot all was +very nearly up with the sheep. We heard a plop; Lady stopped and looked +round. She must have heard us bellowing to her as we ran. Then she came +towards us, prancing with happiness, but we said, "Down!" and "Bad dog!" +and ran sternly on. + +When we came to the brook which forms the northern boundary of the +paddock we saw the sheep struggling in the water. It is not very deep, +and I believe the sheep could have stood up, and been well in its depth, +if it had liked, but it would not try. + +It was a steepish bank. Alice and I got down and stuck our legs into the +water, and then Dicky came down, and the three of us hauled that sheep +up by its shoulders till it could rest on Alice and me as we sat on the +bank. It kicked all the time we were hauling. It gave one extra kick at +last, that raised it up, and I tell you that sopping wet, heavy, +panting, silly donkey of a sheep sat there on our laps like a pet dog; +and Dicky got his shoulder under it at the back and heaved constantly to +keep it from flumping off into the water again, while the others fetched +the shepherd. + +When the shepherd came he called us every name you can think of, and +then he said: + +"Good thing master didn't come along. He would ha' called you some tidy +names." + +He got the sheep out, and took it and the others away. And the calves +too. He did not seem to care about the other performing animals. + +Alice, Oswald, and Dick had had almost enough circus for just then, so +we sat in the sun and dried ourselves and wrote the programme of the +circus. This was it: + + +PROGRAMME + +1. Startling leap from the lofty precipice by the performing sheep. Real +water, and real precipice. The gallant rescue. O., A., and D. Bastable. +(We thought we might as well put that in, though it was over and had +happened accidentally.) + +2. Graceful bare-backed equestrienne act on the trained pig, Eliza. A. +Bastable. + +3. Amusing clown interlude, introducing trained dog, Pincher, and the +other white pig. H. O. and O. Bastable. + +4. The See-saw. Trained donkeys. (H. O. said we had only one donkey, so +Dicky said H. O. could be the other. When peace was restored we went on +to 5.) + +5. Elegant equestrian act by D. Bastable. _Haute Ecole_, on Clover, the +incomparative trained elephant from the plains of Venezuela. + +6. Alpine feat of daring. The climbing of the Andes, by Billy, the +well-known acrobatic goat. (We thought we could make the Andes out of +hurdles and things, and so we could have but for what always happens. +(This is the unexpected. (This is a saying father told me--but I see I +am three deep in brackets, so I will close them before I get into any +more.).).). + +7. The Black but Learned Pig. ("I dare say he knows something," Alice +said, "if we can only find out what." We _did_ find out all too soon.) + +We could not think of anything else, and our things were nearly dry--all +except Dick's brown paper top-boots, which were mingled with the +gurgling waters of the brook. + +We went back to the seat of action--which was the iron trough where the +sheep have their salt put--and began to dress up the creatures. We had +just tied the Union Jack we made out of Daisy's flannel petticoat and +cetera, when we gave the soldiers the baccy, round the waist of the +Black and Learned Pig, when we heard screams from the back part of the +house; and suddenly we saw that Billy, the acrobatic goat, had got loose +from the tree we had tied him to. (He had eaten all the parts of its +bark that he could get at, but we did not notice it until next day, when +led to the spot by a grown-up.) + +The gate of the paddock was open. The gate leading to the bridge that +goes over the moat to the back door was open too. We hastily proceeded +in the direction of the screams, and, guided by the sound, threaded our +way into the kitchen. As we went, Noel, ever fertile in melancholy +ideas, said he wondered whether Mrs. Pettigrew was being robbed, or +only murdered. + +In the kitchen we saw that Noel was wrong as usual. It was neither. Mrs. +Pettigrew, screaming like a steam-siren and waving a broom, occupied the +foreground. In the distance the maid was shrieking in a hoarse and +monotonous way, and trying to shut herself up inside a clothes-horse on +which washing was being aired. On the dresser--which he had ascended by +a chair--was Billy, the acrobatic goat, doing his Alpine daring act. He +had found out his Andes for himself, and even as we gazed he turned and +tossed his head in a way that showed us some mysterious purpose was +hidden beneath his calm exterior. The next moment he put his off-horn +neatly behind the end plate of the next to the bottom row, and ran it +along against the wall. The plates fell crashing on to the soup tureen +and vegetable dishes which adorned the lower range of the Andes. + +Mrs. Pettigrew's screams were almost drowned in the discording crash and +crackle of the falling avalanche of crockery. + +Oswald, though stricken with horror and polite regret, preserved the +most dauntless coolness. + +Disregarding the mop which Mrs. Pettigrew kept on poking at the goat in +a timid yet cross way, he sprang forward, crying out to his trusty +followers, "Stand by to catch him!" + +But Dick had thought of the same thing, and ere Oswald could carry out +his long-cherished and general-like design, Dicky had caught the goat's +legs and tripped it up. The goat fell against another row of plates, +righted itself hastily in the gloomy ruins of the soup tureen and the +sauce-boats, and then fell again, this time towards Dicky. The two fell +heavily on the ground together. The trusty followers had been so struck +by the daring of Dicky and his lion-hearted brother that they had not +stood by to catch anything. The goat was not hurt, but Dicky had a +sprained thumb and a lump on his head like a black marble door-knob. He +had to go to bed. + +I will draw a veil and asterisks over what Mrs. Pettigrew said. Also +Albert's uncle, who was brought to the scene of ruin by her screams. Few +words escaped our lips. There are times when it is not wise to argue; +however, little what has occurred is really our fault. + +When they had said what they deemed enough, and we were let go, we all +went out. Then Alice said distractedly, in a voice which she vainly +strove to render firm: + +"Let's give up the circus. Let's put the toys back in the boxes--no, I +don't mean that--the creatures in their places--and drop the whole +thing. I want to go and read to Dicky." + +Oswald has a spirit that no reverses can depreciate. He hates to be +beaten. But he gave in to Alice, as the others said so too, and we went +out to collect the performing troop and sort it out into its proper +places. + +Alas! we came too late. In the interest we had felt about whether Mrs. +Pettigrew was the abject victim of burglars or not we had left both +gates open again. The old horse--I mean the trained elephant from +Venezuela--was there all right enough. The dogs we had beaten and tied +up after the first act, when the intrepid sheep bounded, as it says in +the programme. The two white pigs were there, but the donkey was gone. +We heard his hoofs down the road, growing fainter and fainter, in the +direction of the "Rose and Crown." And just round the gate-post we saw a +flash of red and white and blue and black that told us, with dumb +signification, that the pig was off in exactly the opposite direction. +Why couldn't they have gone the same way? But no, one was a pig and the +other was a donkey, as Denny said afterwards. + +Daisy and H. O. started after the donkey; the rest of us, with one +accord, pursued the pig--I don't know why. It trotted quietly down the +road; it looked very black against the white road, and the ends on the +top, where the Union Jack was tied, bobbed brightly as it trotted. At +first we thought it would be easy to catch up to it. This was an error. + +When we ran faster it ran faster; when we stopped it stopped and looked +round at us, and nodded. (I dare say you won't swallow this, but you may +safely. It's as true as true, and so's all that about the goat. I give +you my sacred word of honor.) I tell you the pig nodded as much as to +say: + +[Illustration: "HE SAT DOWN IN THE HEDGE TO LAUGH PROPERLY"] + +"Oh yes. You think you will, but you won't!" and then as soon as we +moved again off it went. That pig led us on and on, o'er miles and miles +of strange country. One thing, it did keep to the roads. When we met +people, which wasn't often, we called out to them to help us, but they +only waved their arms and roared with laughter. One chap on a bicycle +almost tumbled off his machine, and then he got off it and propped it +against a gate and sat down in the hedge to laugh properly. You remember +Alice was still dressed up as the gay equestrienne in the dressing-table +pink and white, with rosy garlands, now very droopy, and she had no +stockings on, only white sand-shoes, because she thought they would be +easier than boots for balancing on the pig in the graceful bare-backed +act. + +Oswald was attired in red paint and flour and pyjamas, for a clown. It +is really _impossible_ to run speedfully in another man's pyjamas, so +Oswald had taken them off, and wore his own brown knickerbockers +belonging to his Norfolks. He had tied the pyjamas round his neck to +carry them easily. He was afraid to leave them in a ditch, as Alice +suggested, because he did not know the roads, and for aught he recked +they might have been infested with footpads. If it had been his own +pyjamas, it would have been different. (I'm going to ask for pyjamas +next winter, they are so useful in many ways.) + +Noel was a highwayman in brown paper gaiters and bath towels and a +cocked hat of newspaper. I don't know how he kept it on. And the pig +was encircled by the dauntless banner of our country. All the same, I +think if I had seen a band of youthful travellers in bitter distress +about a pig I should have tried to lend a helping hand and not sat +roaring in the hedge, no matter how the travellers and the pig might +have been dressed. + +It was hotter than any one would believe who has never had occasion to +hunt the pig when dressed for quite another part. The flour got out of +Oswald's hair into his eyes and his mouth. His brow was wet with what +the village blacksmith's was wet with, and not his fair brow alone. It +ran down his face and washed the red off in streaks, and when he rubbed +his eyes he only made it worse. Alice had to run holding the +equestrienne skirts on with both hands, and I think the brown paper +boots bothered Noel from the first. Dora had her skirt over her arm and +carried the topper in her hand. It was no use to tell ourselves it was a +wild boar hunt--we were long past that. + +At last we met a man who took pity on us. He was a kind-hearted man. I +think, perhaps, he had a pig of his own--or, perhaps, children. Honor to +his name! + +He stood in the middle of the road and waved his arms. The pig +right-wheeled through a gate into a private garden and cantered up the +drive. We followed. What else were we to do I should like to know? + +The Learned Black Pig seemed to know its way. It turned first to the +right and then to the left, and emerged on a lawn. + +"Now, all together!" cried Oswald, mustering his failing voice to give +the word of command. "Surround him!--cut off his retreat!" + +We almost surrounded him. He edged off towards the house. + +"Now we've got him!" cried the crafty Oswald, as the pig got onto a bed +of yellow pansies close against the red house wall. + +All would even then have been well, but Denny, at the last, shrank from +meeting the pig face to face in a manly way. He let the pig pass him, +and the next moment, with a squeak that said "There now!" as plain as +words, the pig bolted into a French window. The pursuers halted not. +This was no time for trivial ceremony. In another moment the pig was a +captive. Alice and Oswald had their arms round him under the ruins of a +table that had had teacups on it, and around the hunters and their prey +stood the startled members of a parish society for making clothes for +the poor heathen, that that pig had led us into the very midst of. They +were reading a missionary report or something when we ran our quarry to +earth under their table. Even as he crossed the threshold I heard +something about "black brothers being already white to the harvest." All +the ladies had been sewing flannel things for the poor blacks while the +curate read aloud to them. You think they screamed when they saw the Pig +and Us? You are right. + +On the whole, I cannot say that the missionary people behaved badly. +Oswald explained that it was entirely the pig's doing, and asked pardon +quite properly for any alarm the ladies had felt; and Alice said how +sorry we were, but really it was _not_ our fault this time. The curate +looked a bit nasty, but the presence of ladies made him keep his hot +blood to himself. + +When we had explained, we said, "Might we go?" + +The curate said, "The sooner the better." But the Lady of the House +asked for our names and addresses, and said she should write to our +father. (She did, and we heard of it too.) They did not do anything to +us, as Oswald at one time believed to be the curate's idea. They let us +go. + +And we went, after we had asked for a piece of rope to lead the pig by. + +"In case it should come back into your nice room," Alice said. "And that +would be such a pity, wouldn't it?" + +A little girl in a starched pinafore was sent for the rope. And as soon +as the pig had agreed to let us tie it round his neck we came away. The +scene in the drawing-room had not been long. + +The pig went slowly, + + "Like the meandering brook," + +Denny said. Just by the gate the shrubs rustled and opened and the +little girl came out. Her pinafore was full of cake. + +"Here," she said. "You must be hungry if you've come all that way. I +think they might have given you some tea after all the trouble you've +had." + +We took the cake with correct thanks. + +"I wish _I_ could play at circuses," she said. "Tell me about it." + +We told her while we ate the cake; and when we had done she said perhaps +it was better to hear about than do, especially the goat's part and +Dicky's. + +"But I do wish auntie had given you tea," she said. + +We told her not to be too hard on her aunt, because you have to make +allowances for grown-up people. + +When we parted she said she would never forget us, and Oswald gave her +his pocket button-hook and corkscrew combined for a keepsake. + + * * * * * + +Dicky's act with the goat (which is true, and no kid) was the only thing +out of that day that was put in the Golden Deed Book, and he put that in +himself while we were hunting the pig. + +Alice and me capturing the pig was never put in. We would scorn to write +our own good actions, but I suppose Dicky was dull with us all away; and +you must pity the dull, and not blame them. + + * * * * * + +I will not seek to unfold to you how we got the pig home, or how the +donkey was caught (that was poor sport compared to the pig). Nor will I +tell you a word of all that was said and done to the intrepid hunters of +the Black and Learned. I have told you all the interesting part. Seek +not to know the rest. It is better buried in obliquity. + + + + +BEING BEAVERS; OR, THE YOUNG EXPLORERS (ARCTIC OR OTHERWISE) + + +You read in books about the pleasures of London, and about how people +who live in the country long for the gay whirl of fashion in town +because the country is so dull. I do not agree with this at all. In +London, or at any rate Lewisham, nothing happens unless you make it +happen; or if it happens it doesn't happen to you, and you don't know +the people it does happen to. But in the country the most interesting +events occur quite freely, and they seem to happen to you as much as to +any one else. Very often quite without your doing anything to help. + +The natural and right ways of earning your living in the country are +much jollier than town ones, too; sowing and reaping, and doing things +with animals, are much better sport than fishmongering or bakering or +oil-shopping, and those sort of things, except, of course, a plumber's +and gasfitter's, and he is the same, town or country--most interesting +and like an engineer. + +I remember what a nice man it was that came to cut the gas off once at +our old house in Lewisham, when my father's business was feeling so +poorly. He was a true gentleman, and gave Oswald and Dicky over two +yards and a quarter of good lead piping, and a brass tap that only +wanted a washer, and a whole handful of screws to do what we liked with. +We screwed the back door up with the screws, I remember, one night when +Eliza was out without leave. There was an awful row. We did not mean to +get her into trouble. We only thought it would be amusing for her to +find the door screwed up when she came down to take in the milk in the +morning. But I must not say any more about the Lewisham house. It is +only the pleasures of memory, and nothing to do with being beavers, or +any sort of exploring. + +I think Dora and Daisy are the kind of girls who will grow up very good, +and perhaps marry missionaries. I am glad Oswald's destiny looks at +present as if it might be different. + +We made two expeditions to discover the source of the Nile (or the north +pole), and owing to their habit of sticking together and doing dull and +praiseable things--like sewing, and helping with the cooking, and taking +invalid delicacies to the poor and indignant--Daisy and Dora were wholly +out of it both times, though Dora's foot was now quite well enough to +have gone to the north pole or the equator either. They said they did +not mind the first time, because they like to keep themselves clean; it +is another of their queer ways. And they said they had had a better time +than us. (It was only a clergyman and his wife who called, and hot +cakes for tea.) The second time they said they were lucky not to have +been in it. And perhaps they were right. But let me to my narrating. I +hope you will like it. I am going to try to write it a different way, +like the books they give you for a prize at a girls' school--I mean a +"young ladies' school," of course--not a high school. High schools are +not nearly so silly as some other kinds. Here goes: + +"'Ah, me!' sighed a slender maiden of twelve summers, removing her +elegant hat and passing her tapery fingers lightly through her fair +tresses, 'how sad it is--is it not?--to see able-bodied youths and young +ladies wasting the precious summer hours in idleness and luxury.' + +"The maiden frowned reproachingly, but yet with earnest gentleness, at +the group of youths and maidens who sat beneath an umbragipeaous +beech-tree and ate black currants. + +"'Dear brothers and sisters,' the blushing girl went on, 'could we not, +even now, at the eleventh hour, turn to account these wasted lives of +ours, and seek some occupation at once improving and agreeable?' + +"'I do not quite follow your meaning, dear sister,' replied the +cleverest of her brothers, on whose brow--" + +It's no use. I can't write like these books. I wonder how the books' +authors can keep it up. + +What really happened was that we were all eating black currants in the +orchard, out of a cabbage leaf, and Alice said: + +"I say, look here, let's do something. It's simply silly to waste a day +like this. It's just on eleven. Come on!" + +And Oswald said, "Where to?" + +This was the beginning of it. + +The moat that is all round our house is fed by streams. One of them is a +sort of open overflow pipe from a good-sized stream that flows at the +other side of the orchard. + +It was this stream that Alice meant when she said: + +"Why not go and discover the source of the Nile?" + +Of course Oswald knows quite well that the source of the real live +Egyptian Nile is no longer buried in that mysteriousness where it lurked +undisturbed for such a long time. But he was not going to say so. It is +a great thing to know when not to say things. + +"Why not have it an arctic expedition?" said Dicky; "then we could take +an ice-axe and live on blubber and things. Besides, it sounds cooler." + +"Vote! vote!" cried Oswald. So we did. + +Oswald, Alice, Noel, and Denny voted for the river of the ibis and the +crocodile. Dicky, H. O., and the other girls for the region of perennial +winter and rich blubber. + +So Alice said, "We can decide as we go. Let's start, anyway." + +The question of supplies had now to be gone into. Everybody wanted to +take something different, and nobody thought the other people's things +would be the slightest use. It is sometimes thus even with grown-up +expeditions. So then Oswald, who is equal to the hardest emergency that +ever emerged yet, said: + +"Let's each get what we like. The secret storehouse can be the shed in +the corner of the stable-yard where we got the door for the raft. Then +the captain can decide who's to take what." + +This was done. You may think it but the work of a moment to fit out an +expedition, but this is not so, especially when you know not whether +your exploring party is speeding to Central Africa or merely to the +world of icebergs and the polar bear. + +Dicky wished to take the wood-axe, the coal hammer, a blanket, and a +mackintosh. + +H. O. brought a large faggot in case we had to light fires, and a pair +of old skates he had happened to notice in the box-room, in case the +expedition turned out icy. + +Noel had nicked a dozen boxes of matches, a spade, and a trowel, and had +also obtained--I know not by what means--a jar of pickled onions. + +Denny had a walking-stick--we can't break him of walking with it--a book +to read in case he got tired of being a discoverer, a butterfly net and +a box with cork in it, a tennis-ball, if we happened to want to play +rounders in the pauses of exploring, two towels and an umbrella in the +event of camping or if the river got big enough to bathe in or to be +fallen into. + +Alice had a comforter for Noel in case we got late, a pair of scissors +and needle and cotton, two whole candles in case of caves. And she had +thoughtfully brought the table-cloth off the small table in the +dining-room, so that we could make all the things up into one bundle and +take it in turns to carry it. + +Oswald had fastened his master mind entirely on grub. Nor had the others +neglected this. + +All the stores for the expedition were put down on the table-cloth and +the corners tied up. Then it was more than even Oswald's muscley arms +could raise from the ground, so we decided not to take it, but only the +best-selected grub. The rest we hid in the straw loft, for there are +many ups and downs in life, and grub _is_ grub at any time, and so are +stores of all kinds. The pickled onions we had to leave, but not +forever. + +Then Dora and Daisy came along with their arms round each other's necks +as usual, like a picture on a grocer's almanac, and said they weren't +coming. + +It was, as I have said, a blazing hot day, and there were differences of +opinion among the explorers about what eatables we ought to have taken, +and H. O. had lost one of his garters and wouldn't let Alice tie it up +with her handkerchief, which the gentle sister was quite willing to do. +So it was a rather gloomy expedition that set off that bright sunny day +to seek the source of the river where Cleopatra sailed in Shakespeare +(or the frozen plains Mr. Nansen wrote that big book about). + +But the balmy calm of peaceful nature soon made the others less +cross--Oswald had not been cross exactly, but only disinclined to do +anything the others wanted--and by the time we had followed the stream a +little way, and had seen a water-rat and shied a stone or two at him, +harmony was restored. We did not hit the rat. + +You will understand that we were not the sort of people to have lived so +long near a stream without plumbing its depths. Indeed, it was the same +stream the sheep took its daring jump into the day we had the circus. +And of course we had often paddled in it--in the shallower parts. But +now our hearts were set on exploring. At least they ought to have been, +but when we got to the place where the stream goes under a wooden +sheep-bridge, Dicky cried, "A camp! a camp!" and we were all glad to sit +down at once. Not at all like real explorers, who know no rest, day or +night, till they have got there (whether it's the north pole, or the +central point of the part marked "_Desert of Sahara_" on old-fashioned +maps). + +The food supplies obtained by various members were good, and plenty of +it. Cake, hard eggs, sausage-rolls, currants, lemon cheese-cakes, +raisins, and cold apple dumplings. It was all very decent, but Oswald +could not help feeling that the source of the Nile (or north pole) was a +long way off, and perhaps nothing much when you got there. + +So he was not wholly displeased when Denny said, as he lay kicking into +the bank when the things to eat were all gone: + +"I believe this is clay: did you ever make huge platters and bowls out +of clay and dry them in the sun? Some people did in a book called _Foul +Play_, and I believe they baked turtles, or oysters, or something, at +the same time." + +He took up a bit of clay and began to mess it about, like you do putty +when you get hold of a bit. And at once the heavy gloom that had hung +over the explorers became expelled, and we all got under the shadow of +the bridge and messed about with clay. + +"It will be jolly!" Alice said, "and we can give the huge platters to +poor cottagers who are short of the usual sorts of crockery. That would +really be a very golden deed." + +It is harder than you would think when you read about it, to make huge +platters with clay. It flops about as soon as you get it any size, +unless you keep it much too thick, and then when you turn up the edges +they crack. Yet we did not mind the trouble. And we had all got our +shoes and stockings off. It is impossible to go on being cross when your +feet are in cold water; and there is something in the smooth messiness +of clay, and not minding how dirty you get, that would soothe the +savagest breast that ever beat. + +After a bit, though, we gave up the idea of the huge platter and tried +little things. We made some platters--they were like flower-pot saucers; +and Alice made a bowl by doubling up her fists and getting Noel to slab +the clay on outside. Then they smoothed the thing inside and out with +wet fingers, and it was a bowl--at least they said it was. When we'd +made a lot of things we set them in the sun to dry, and then it seemed a +pity not to do the thing thoroughly. So we made a bonfire, and when it +had burned down we put our pots on the soft, white, hot ashes among the +little red sparks, and kicked the ashes over them and heaped more fuel +over the top. It was a fine fire. + +Then tea-time seemed as if it ought to be near, and we decided to come +back next day and get our pots. + +As we went home across the fields Dicky looked back and said: + +"The bonfire's going pretty strong." + +We looked. It was. Great flames were rising to heaven against the +evening sky. And we had left it a smouldering, flat heap. + +"The clay must have caught alight," H. O. said. "Perhaps it's the kind +that burns. I know I've heard of fire-clay. And there's another sort you +can eat." + +"Oh, shut up!" Dicky said, with anxious scorn. + +With one accord we turned back. We all felt _the_ feeling--the one that +means something fatal being up and it being your fault. + +"Perhaps," Alice said, "a beautiful young lady in a muslin dress was +passing by, and a spark flew on to her, and now she is rolling in agony +enveloped in flames." + +We could not see the fire now, because of the corner of the wood, but we +hoped Alice was mistaken. + +But when we got in sight of the scene of our pottering industry we saw +it was as bad nearly as Alice's wild dream. For the wooden fence leading +up to the bridge had caught fire, and it was burning like billyo. + +Oswald started to run; so did the others. As he ran he said to himself, +"This is no time to think about your clothes. Oswald, be bold!" + +And he was. + +Arrived at the site of the conflagration, he saw that caps or straw hats +full of water, however quickly and perseveringly given, would never put +the bridge out, and his eventful past life made him know exactly the +sort of wigging you get for an accident like this. + +So he said, "Dicky, soak your jacket and mine in the stream and chuck +them along. Alice, stand clear, or your silly girl's clothes'll catch as +sure as fate." + +Dicky and Oswald tore off their jackets, so did Denny, but we would not +let him and H. O. wet theirs. Then the brave Oswald advanced warily to +the end of the burning rails and put his wet jacket over the end bit, +like a linseed poultice on the throat of a suffering invalid who has got +bronchitis. The burning wood hissed and smouldered, and Oswald fell +back, almost choked with the smoke. But at once he caught up the other +wet jacket and put it on another place, and of course it did the trick, +as he had known it would do. But it was a long job, and the smoke in his +eyes made the young hero obliged to let Dicky and Denny take a turn as +they had bothered to do from the first. At last all was safe; the +devouring element was conquered. We covered up the beastly bonfire with +clay to keep it from getting into mischief again, and then Alice said: + +"Now we must go and tell." + +"Of course," Oswald said, shortly. He had meant to tell all the time. + +So we went to the farmer who has the Moat House Farm, and we went at +once, because if you have any news like that to tell it only makes it +worse if you wait about. When we had told him he said: + +"You little----" I shall not say what he said besides that, because I am +sure he must have been sorry for it next Sunday when he went to church, +if not before. + +We did not take any notice of what he said, but just kept on saying how +sorry we were; and he did not take our apology like a man, but only said +he dare said, just like a woman does. Then he went to look at his +bridge, and we went in to our tea. The jackets were never quite the same +again. + +Really great explorers would never be discouraged by the dare saying of +a farmer, still less by his calling them names he ought not to. Albert's +uncle was away, so we got no double slating; and next day we started +again to discover the source of the river of cataracts (or the region of +mountain-like icebergs). + +We set out heavily provisioned with a large cake Daisy and Dora had +made themselves and six bottles of ginger-beer. I think real explorers +most likely have their ginger-beer in something lighter to carry than +stone bottles. Perhaps they have it by the cask, which would come +cheaper; and you could make the girls carry it on their back, like in +pictures of the daughters of regiments. + +We passed the scene of the devouring conflagration, and the thought of +the fire made us so thirsty we decided to drink the ginger-beer and +leave the bottles in a place of concealment. Then we went on, determined +to reach our destination, tropic or polar, that day. + +Denny and H. O. wanted to stop and try to make a fashionable +watering-place at that part where the stream spreads out like a +small-sized sea, but Noel said, "No." We did not like fashionableness. + +"_You_ ought to, at any rate," Denny said. "A Mr. Collins wrote an 'Ode +to the Fashions,' and he was a great poet." + +"The poet Milton wrote a long book about Satan," Noel said, "but I'm not +bound to like _him_." I think it was smart of Noel. + +"People aren't obliged to like everything they write about even, let +alone read," Alice said. "Look at 'Ruin seize thee, ruthless king!' and +all the pieces of poetry about war and tyrants and slaughtered +saints--and the one you made yourself about the black beetle, Noel." + +By this time we had got by the pondy place and the danger of delay was +past; but the others went on talking about poetry for quite a field and +a half, as we walked along by the banks of the stream. The stream was +broad and shallow at this part, and you could see the stones and gravel +at the bottom, and millions of baby fishes, and a sort of +skating-spiders walking about on the top of the water. Denny said the +water must be ice for them to be able to walk on it, and this showed we +were getting near the north pole. But Oswald had seen a kingfisher by +the wood, and he said it was an ibis, so this was even. + +When Oswald had had as much poetry as he could bear, he said, "Let's be +beavers and make a dam." + +And everybody was so hot they agreed joyously, and soon our clothes were +tucked up as far as they could go and our legs looked green through the +water, though they were pink out of it. + +Making a dam is jolly good fun, though laborious, as books about beavers +take care to let you know. + +Dicky said it must be Canada if we were beavers, and so it was on the +way to the polar system, but Oswald pointed to his heated brow, and +Dicky owned it was warm for polar regions. He had brought the ice-axe +(it is called the wood-chopper sometimes), and Oswald, ever ready and +able to command, set him and Denny to cut turfs from the bank while we +heaped stones across the stream. It was clayey here, or of course +dam-making would have been vain, even for the best-trained beaver. + +When we had made a ridge of stones we laid turfs against them--nearly +across the stream, leaving about two feet for the water to go +through--then more stones, and then lumps of clay stamped down as hard +as we could. The industrious beavers spent hours over it, with only one +easy to eat cake in. And at last the dam rose to the level of the bank. +Then the beavers collected a great heap of clay, and four of them lifted +it and dumped it down in the opening where the water was running. It did +splash a little, but a true-hearted beaver knows better than to mind a +bit of a wetting, as Oswald told Alice at the time. Then with more clay +the work was completed. We must have used tons of clay; there was quite +a big long hole in the bank above the dam where we had taken it out. + +When our beaver task was performed we went on, and Dicky was so hot he +had to take his jacket off and shut up about icebergs. + +I cannot tell you about all the windings of the stream; it went through +fields and woods and meadows, and at last the banks got steeper and +higher, and the trees overhead darkly arched their mysterious branches, +and we felt like the princes in a fairy tale who go out to seek their +fortunes. + +And then we saw a thing that was well worth coming all that way for; the +stream suddenly disappeared under a dark stone archway, and however much +you stood in the water and stuck your head down between your knees you +could not see any light at the other end. + +The stream was much smaller than where we had been beavers. + +Gentle reader, you will guess in a moment who it was that said: + +"Alice, you've got a candle. Let's explore." + +This gallant proposal met but a cold response. + +The others said they didn't care much about it, and what about tea? + +I often think the way people try to hide their cowardliness behind their +teas is simply beastly. + +Oswald took no notice. He just said, with that dignified manner, not at +all like sulking, which he knows so well how to put on: + +"All right. _I'm_ going. If you funk it you'd better cut along home and +ask your nurses to put you to bed." + +So then, of course, they agreed to go. Oswald went first with the +candle. It was not comfortable; the architect of that dark, subterranean +passage had not imagined any one would ever be brave enough to lead a +band of beavers into its inky recesses, or he would have built it high +enough to stand upright in. As it was, we were bent almost at a right +angle, and this is very awkward if for long. + +But the leader pressed dauntlessly on, and paid no attention to the +groans of his faithful followers, nor to what they said about their +backs. + +It really was a very long tunnel, though, and even Oswald was not sorry +to say, "I see daylight." The followers cheered as well as they could as +they splashed after him. The floor was stone as well as the roof, so it +was easy to walk on. I think the followers would have turned back if it +had been sharp stones or gravel. + +And now the spot of daylight at the end of the tunnel grew larger and +larger, and presently the intrepid leader found himself blinking in the +full sun, and the candle he carried looked simply silly. He emerged, and +the others too, and they stretched their backs, and the word "Krikey" +fell from more than one lip. It had indeed been a cramping adventure. +Bushes grew close to the mouth of the tunnel, so we could not see much +landscape, and when we had stretched our backs we went on up stream, and +nobody said they'd had jolly well enough of it, though in more than one +young heart this was thought. + +It was jolly to be in the sunshine again. I never knew before how cold +it was underground. The stream was getting smaller and smaller. + +Dicky said, "This can't be the way. I expect there was a turning to the +north pole inside the tunnel, only we missed it. It was cold enough +there." + +But here a twist in the stream brought us out from the bushes, and +Oswald said: + +"Here is strange, wild, tropical vegetation in the richest profusion. +Such blossoms as these never opened in a frigid what's-its-name." + +It was indeed true. We had come out into a sort of marshy, swampy place +like, I think, a jungle is, that the stream ran through, and it was +simply crammed with queer plants and flowers we never saw before or +since. And the stream was quite thin. It was torridly hot and softish to +walk on. There were rushes and reeds and small willows, and it was all +tangled over with different sorts of grasses--and pools here and there. +We saw no wild beasts, but there were more different kinds of wild flies +and beetles than you could believe anybody could bear, and dragon-flies +and gnats. The girls picked a lot of flowers. I know the names of some +of them, but I will not tell you them because this is not meant to be +instructing. So I will only name meadow-sweet, yarrow, loose-strife, +lady's bed-straw, and willow herb--both the larger and the lesser. + +Every one now wished to go home. It was much hotter there than in +natural fields. It made you want to tear all your clothes off and play +at savages, instead of keeping respectable in your boots. + +But we had to bear the boots because it was so brambly. + +It was Oswald who showed the others how flat it would be to go home the +same way we came; and he pointed out the telegraph wires in the distance +and said: + +"There must be a road there, let's make for it," which was quite a +simple and ordinary thing to say, and he does not ask for any credit for +it. + +So we sloshed along, scratching our legs with the brambles, and the +water squelched in our boots, and Alice's blue muslin frock was torn +all over in these criss-cross tears which are considered so hard to +darn. + +We did not follow the stream any more. It was only a trickle now, so we +knew we had tracked it to its source. And we got hotter and hotter and +hotter, and the dews of agony stood in beads on our brows and rolled +down our noses and off our chins. And the flies buzzed and the gnats +stung, and Oswald bravely sought to keep up Dicky's courage, when he +tripped on a snag and came down on a bramble-bush, by saying: + +"_You_ see it _is_ the source of the Nile we've discovered. What price +north poles now?" + +Alice said, "Ah, but think of ices! I expect Oswald wishes it _had_ been +the pole, anyway--" + +Oswald is naturally the leader, especially when following up what is his +own idea, but he knows that leaders have other duties besides just +leading. One is to assist weak or wounded members of the expedition, +whether polar or equatorish. + +So the others had got a bit ahead through Oswald lending the tottering +Denny a hand over the rough places. Denny's feet hurt him, because when +he was a beaver his stockings had dropped out of his pocket, and boots +without stockings are not a bed of luxuriousness. And he is often +unlucky with his feet. + +Presently we came to a pond, and Denny said: + +"Let's paddle." + +Oswald likes Denny to have ideas; he knows it is healthy for the boy, +and generally he backs him up, but just now it was getting late and the +others were ahead, so he said: + +"Oh, rot! come on." + +Generally the Dentist would have; but even worms will turn if they are +hot enough, and if their feet are hurting them. + +"I don't care, I shall!" he said. + +Oswald overlooked the mutiny and did not say who was leader. He just +said: + +"Well, don't be all day about it," for he is a kind-hearted boy and can +make allowances. + +So Denny took off his boots and went into the pool. + +"Oh, it's ripping!" he said. "You ought to come in." + +"It looks beastly muddy," said his tolerating leader. + +"It is a bit," Denny said, "but the mud's just as cool as the water, and +so soft it squeezes between your toes quite different to boots." + +And so he splashed about, and kept asking Oswald to come along in. + +But some unseen influence prevented Oswald doing this; or it may have +been because both his bootlaces were in hard knots. + +Oswald had cause to bless the unseen influence, or the bootlaces, or +whatever it was. + +Denny had got to the middle of the pool, and he was splashing about and +getting his clothes very wet indeed, and altogether you would have +thought his was a most envious and happy state. But alas! the brightest +cloud has a waterproof lining. He was just saying: + +"You _are_ a silly, Oswald. You'd much better--" when he gave a +blood-piercing scream, and began to kick about. + +"What's up?" cried the ready Oswald; he feared the worst from the way +Denny screamed, but he knew it could not be an old meat tin in this +quiet and jungular spot, like it was in the moat when the shark bit +Dora. + +"I don't know, it's biting me. Oh, it's biting me all over my legs! Oh, +what shall I do? Oh, it does hurt! Oh! oh! oh!" remarked Denny, among +his screams, and he splashed towards the bank. Oswald went into the +water and caught hold of him and helped him out. It is true that Oswald +had his boots on, but I trust he would not have funked the unknown +terrors of the deep, even without his boots. I am almost sure he would +not have. + +When Denny had scrambled and been hauled ashore, we saw with horror and +amaze that his legs were stuck all over with large black slug-looking +things. Denny turned green in the face--and even Oswald felt a bit +queer, for he knew in a moment what the black dreadfulnesses were. He +had read about them in a book called _Magnet Stories_, where there was a +girl called Theodosia, and she could play brilliant trebles on the piano +in duets, but the other girl knew all about leeches, which is much more +useful and golden deedy. Oswald tried to pull the leeches off, but they +wouldn't, and Denny howled so he had to stop trying. He remembered from +the _Magnet Stories_ how to make the leeches begin biting--the girl did +it with cream--but he could not remember how to stop them, and they had +not wanted any showing how to begin. + +"Oh, what shall I do? What shall I do? Oh, it does hurt! Oh, oh!" Denny +observed, and Oswald said: + +"Be a man! Buck up! If you won't let me take them off you'll just have +to walk home in them." + +At this thought the unfortunate youth's tears fell fast. But Oswald gave +him an arm, and carried his boots for him, and he consented to buck up, +and the two struggled on towards the others, who were coming back, +attracted by Denny's yells. He did not stop howling for a moment, except +to breathe. No one ought to blame him till they have had eleven leeches +on their right leg and six on their left, making seventeen in all, as +Dicky said, at once. + +It was lucky he did yell, as it turned out, because a man on the +road--where the telegraph wires were--was interested by his howls, and +came across the marsh to us as hard as he could. + +When he saw Denny's legs he said: + +"Blest if I didn't think so," and he picked Denny up and carried him +under one arm, where Denny went on saying "Oh!" and "It does hurt" as +hard as ever. + +Our rescuer, who proved to be a fine big young man in the bloom of +youth, and a farm-laborer by trade, in corduroys, carried the wretched +sufferer to the cottage where he lived with his aged mother; and then +Oswald found that what he had forgotten about the leeches was _salt_. +The young man in the bloom of youth's mother put salt on the leeches, +and they squirmed off, and fell with sickening, slug-like flops on the +brick floor. + +Then the young man in corduroys and the bloom, etc., carried Denny home +on his back, after his legs had been bandaged up, so that he looked like +"wounded warriors returning." + +It was not far by the road, though such a long distance by the way the +young explorers had come. + +He was a good young man, and though, of course, acts of goodness are +their own reward, still I was glad he had the two half-crowns Albert's +uncle gave him, as well as his own good act. But I am not sure Alice +ought to have put him in the Golden Deed book which was supposed to be +reserved for Us. + +Perhaps you will think this was the end of the source of the Nile (or +north pole). If you do, it only shows how mistaken the gentlest reader +may be. + +The wounded explorer was lying with his wounds and bandages on the sofa, +and we were all having our tea, with raspberries and white currants, +which we richly needed after our torrid adventures, when Mrs. Pettigrew, +the housekeeper, put her head in at the door and said: + +"Please could I speak to you half a moment, sir," to Albert's uncle. And +her voice was the kind that makes you look at each other when the +grown-up has gone out, and you are silent, with your bread-and-butter +half way to the next bite, or your teacup in mid flight to your lips. + +It was as we supposed. Albert's uncle did not come back for a long +while. We did not keep the bread-and-butter on the wing all that time, +of course, and we thought we might as well finish the raspberries and +white currants. We kept some for Albert's uncle, of course, and they +were the best ones too; but when he came back he did not notice our +thoughtful unselfishness. + +He came in, and his face wore the look that means bed, and very likely +no supper. + +He spoke, and it was the calmness of white-hot iron, which is something +like the calmness of despair. He said: + +"You have done it again. What on earth possessed you to make a dam?" + +"We were being beavers," said H. O., in proud tones. He did not see as +we did where Albert's uncle's tone pointed to. + +"No doubt," said Albert's uncle, rubbing his hands through his hair. "No +doubt! no doubt! Well, my beavers, you may go and build dams with your +bolsters. Your dam stopped the stream; the clay you took for it left a +channel through which it has run down and ruined about seven pounds' +worth of freshly reaped barley. Luckily the farmer found it out in time +or you might have spoiled seventy pounds' worth. And you burned a bridge +yesterday." + +We said we were sorry. There was nothing else to say, only Alice added, +"We didn't _mean_ to be naughty." + +"Of course not," said Albert's uncle, "you never do. Oh, yes, I'll kiss +you--but it's bed and it's two hundred lines to-morrow, and the line +is--'Beware of Being Beavers and Burning Bridges. Dread Dams.' It will +be a capital exercise in capital B's and D's." + +We knew by that that, though annoyed, he was not furious; we went to +bed. + +I got jolly sick of capital B's and D's before sunset on the morrow. +That night, just as the others were falling asleep, Oswald said: + +"I say." + +"Well," retorted his brother. + +"There is one thing about it," Oswald went on, "it does show it was a +rattling good dam anyhow." + +And filled with this agreeable thought, the weary beavers (or explorers, +polar or otherwise) fell asleep. + + + + +THE HIGH-BORN BABE + + +It really was not such a bad baby--for a baby. Its face was round and +quite clean, which babies' faces are not always, as I dare say you know +by your own youthful relatives; and Dora said its cape was trimmed with +real lace, whatever that may be--I don't see myself how one kind of lace +can be realler than another. It was in a very swagger sort of +perambulator when we saw it; and the perambulator was standing quite by +itself in the lane that leads to the mill. + +"I wonder whose baby it is," Dora said. "Isn't it a darling, Alice?" + +Alice agreed to its being one, and said she thought it was most likely +the child of noble parents stolen by gipsies. + +"These two, as likely as not," Noel said. "Can't you see something +crime-like in the very way they're lying?" + +They were two tramps, and they were lying on the grass at the edge of +the lane on the shady side, fast asleep, only a very little further on +than where the Baby was. They were very ragged, and their snores did +have a sinister sound. + +"I expect they stole the titled heir at dead of night, and they've been +travelling hot-foot ever since, so now they're sleeping the sleep of +exhaustedness," Alice said. "What a heartrending scene when the +patrician mother wakes in the morning and finds the infant aristocrat +isn't in bed with his mamma." + +The Baby was fast asleep or else the girls would have kissed it. They +are strangely fond of kissing. The author never could see anything in it +himself. + +"If the gipsies _did_ steal it," Dora said, "perhaps they'd sell it to +us. I wonder what they'd take for it." + +"What could you do with it if you'd got it?" H. O. asked. + +"Why, adopt it, of course," Dora said. "I've often thought I should +enjoy adopting a baby. It would be a golden deed, too. We've hardly got +any in the book yet." + +"I should have thought there were enough of us," Dicky said. + +"Ah, but you're none of you babies," said Dora. + +"Unless you count H. O. as a baby: he behaves jolly like one sometimes." + +This was because of what had happened that morning when Dicky found H. +O. going fishing with a box of worms, and the box was the one Dicky +keeps his silver studs in, and the medal he got at school, and what is +left of his watch and chain. The box is lined with red velvet and it was +not nice afterwards. And then H. O. said Dicky had hurt him, and he was +a beastly bully, and he cried. We thought all this had been made up, +and were sorry to see it threaten to break out again. So Oswald said: + +"Oh, bother the Baby! Come along, do!" + +And the others came. + +We were going to the miller's with a message about some flour that +hadn't come, and about a sack of sharps for the pigs. + +After you go down the lane you come to a cloverfield, and then a +cornfield, and then another lane, and then it is the mill. It is a jolly +fine mill; in fact, it is two--water and wind ones--one of each +kind--with a house and farm buildings as well. I never saw a mill like +it, and I don't believe you have either. + +If we had been in a story-book the miller's wife would have taken us +into the neat sanded kitchen where the old oak settle was black with +time and rubbing, and dusted chairs for us--old brown Windsor +chairs--and given us each a glass of sweet-scented cowslip wine and a +thick slice of rich home-made cake. And there would have been fresh +roses in an old china bowl on the table. As it was, she asked us all +into the parlor and gave us Eiffel Tower lemonade and Marie biscuits. +The chairs in her parlor were "bent wood," and no flowers, except some +wax ones under a glass shade, but she was very kind, and we were very +much obliged to her. We got out to the miller, though, as soon as we +could; only Dora and Daisy stayed with her, and she talked to them about +her lodgers and about her relations in London. + +The miller is a MAN. He showed us all over the mills--both kinds--and +let us go right up into the very top of the wind-mill, and showed us how +the top moved round so that the sails could catch the wind, and the +great heaps of corn, some red and some yellow (the red is English +wheat), and the heaps slide down a little bit at a time into a square +hole and go down to the millstones. The corn makes a rustling, soft +noise that is very jolly--something like the noise of the sea--and you +can hear it through all the other mill noises. + +Then the miller let us go all over the water-mill. It is fairy palaces +inside a mill. Everything is powdered over white, like sugar on pancakes +when you are allowed to help yourself. And he opened a door and showed +us the great water-wheel working on slow and sure, like some great, +round dripping giant, Noel said, and then he asked us if we fished. + +"Yes," was our immediate reply. + +"Then why not try the mill-pool?" he said, and we replied politely; and +when he was gone to tell his man something, we owned to each other that +he was a trump. + +He did the thing thoroughly. He took us out and cut us ash saplings for +rods; he found us in lines and hooks, and several different sorts of +bait, including a handsome handful of meal-worms, which Oswald put loose +in his pocket. + +When it came to bait, Alice said she was going home with Dora and Daisy. +Girls are strange, mysterious, silly things. Alice always enjoys a rat +hunt until the rat is caught, but she hates fishing from beginning to +end. We boys have got to like it. We don't feel now as we did when we +turned off the water and stopped the competition of the competing +anglers. We had a grand day's fishing that day. I can't think what made +the miller so kind to us. Perhaps he felt a thrill of fellow-feeling in +his manly breast for his fellow-sportsmen, for he was a noble fisherman +himself. + +We had glorious sport--eight roach, six dace, three eels, seven perch, +and a young pike, but he was so very young the miller asked us to put +him back, and of course we did. + +"He'll live to bite another day," said the miller. + +The miller's wife gave us bread and cheese and more Eiffel Tower +lemonade, and we went home at last, a little damp, but full of +successful ambition, with our fish on a string. + +It had been a strikingly good time--one of those times that happen in +the country quite by themselves. Country people are much more friendly +than town people. I suppose they don't have to spread their friendly +feelings out over so many persons, so it's thicker, like a pound of +butter on one loaf is thicker than on a dozen. Friendliness in the +country is not scrape, like it is in London. Even Dicky and H. O. forgot +the affair of honor that had taken place in the morning. H. O. changed +rods with Dicky because H. O.'s was the best rod, and Dicky baited H. +O.'s hook for him, just like loving, unselfish brothers in Sunday-school +magazines. + +We were talking fishlikely as we went along down the lane and through +the cornfield and the cloverfield, and then we came to the other lane +where we had seen the Baby. The tramps were gone, and the perambulator +was gone, and, of course, the Baby was gone too. + +"I wonder if those gypsies _had_ stolen the Baby," Noel said, dreamily. +He had not fished much, but he had made a piece of poetry. It was this: + + "How I wish + I was a fish. + I would not look + At your hook, + But lie still and be cool + At the bottom of the pool. + And when you went to look + At your cruel hook, + You would not find me there, + So there!" + +"If they did steal the Baby," Noel went on, "they will be tracked by the +lordly perambulator. You can disguise a baby in rags and walnut juice, +but there isn't any disguise dark enough to conceal a perambulator's +person." + +"You might disguise it as a wheelbarrow," said Dicky. + +"Or cover it with leaves," said H. O., "like the robins." + +We told him to shut up and not gibber, but afterwards we had to own that +even a young brother may sometimes talk sense by accident. + +For we took the short cut home from the lane--it begins with a large gap +in the hedge and the grass and weeds trodden down by the hasty feet of +persons who were late for church and in too great a hurry to go round by +the road. Our house is next to the church, as I think I have said +before, some time. + +The short cut leads to a stile at the edge of a bit of wood (the +Parson's Shave, they call it, because it belongs to him). The wood has +not been shaved for some time, and it has grown out beyond the stile; +and here, among the hazels and chestnuts and young dog-wood bushes, we +saw something white. We felt it was our duty to investigate, even if the +white was only the under side of the tail of a dead rabbit caught in a +trap. It was not--it was part of the perambulator. I forgot whether I +said that the perambulator was enamelled white--not the kind of +enamelling you do at home with Aspinall's and the hairs of the brush +come out and it is gritty-looking, but smooth, like the handles of +ladies' very best lace parasols. And whoever had abandoned the helpless +perambulator in that lonely spot had done exactly as H. O. said, and +covered it with leaves, only they were green and some of them had +dropped off. + +The others were wild with excitement. Now or never, they thought, was a +chance to be real detectives. Oswald alone retained a calm exterior. It +was he who would not go straight to the police station. + +He said: "Let's try and ferret out something for ourselves before we +tell the police. They always have a clue directly they hear about the +finding of the body. And besides, we might as well let Alice be in +anything there is going. And besides, we haven't had our dinners yet." + +This argument of Oswald's was so strong and powerful--his arguments are +often that, as I dare say you have noticed--that the others agreed. It +was Oswald, too, who showed his artless brothers why they had much +better not take the deserted perambulator home with them. + +"The dead body, or whatever the clew is, is always left exactly as it is +found," he said, "till the police have seen it, and the coroner, and the +inquest, and the doctor, and the sorrowing relations. Besides, suppose +some one saw us with the beastly thing, and thought we had stolen it; +then they would say, '_What have you done with the Baby?_' and then +where should we be?" + +Oswald's brothers could not answer this question, but once more Oswald's +native eloquence and far-seeing discerningness conquered. + +"Anyway," Dicky said, "let's shove the derelict a little further under +cover." + +So we did. + +Then we went on home. Dinner was ready and so were Alice and Daisy, but +Dora was not there. + +"She's got a--well, she's not coming to dinner anyway," Alice said when +we asked. "She can tell you herself afterwards what it is she's got." + +Oswald thought it was headache, or pain in the temper, or in the +pinafore, so he said no more, but as soon as Mrs. Pettigrew had helped +us and left the room he began the thrilling tale of the forsaken +perambulator. He told it with the greatest thrillingness any one could +have, but Daisy and Alice seemed almost unmoved. Alice said: + +"Yes, very strange," and things like that, but both the girls seemed to +be thinking of something else. They kept looking at each other and +trying not to laugh, so Oswald saw they had got some silly secret, and +he said: + +"Oh, all right! I don't care about telling you. I only thought you'd +like to be in it. It's going to be a real big thing, with policemen in +it, and perhaps a judge." + +"In what?" H. O. said; "the perambulator?" + +Daisy choked and then tried to drink, and spluttered and got purple, and +had to be thumped on the back. But Oswald was not appeased. When Alice +said, "Do go on, Oswald. I'm sure we all like it very much," he said: + +"Oh no, thank you," very politely. "As it happens," he went on, "I'd +just as soon go through with this thing without having any girls in it." + +"In the perambulator?" said H. O. again. + +"It's a man's job," Oswald went on, without taking any notice of H. O. + +"Do you really think so," said Alice, "when there's a baby in it?" + +"But there isn't," said H. O., "if you mean in the perambulator." + +"Blow you and your perambulator," said Oswald, with gloomy forbearance. + +Alice kicked Oswald under the table and said: + +"Don't be waxy, Oswald. Really and truly Daisy and I _have_ got a +secret, only it's Dora's secret, and she wants to tell you herself. If +it was mine or Daisy's we'd tell you this minute, wouldn't we, Mouse?" + +"This very second," said the White Mouse. + +And Oswald consented to take their apologies. + +Then the pudding came in, and no more was said except asking for things +to be passed--sugar and water, and bread and things. + +Then, when the pudding was all gone, Alice said: + +"Come on." + +And we came on. We did not want to be disagreeable, though really we +were keen on being detectives and sifting that perambulator to the very +dregs. But boys have to try to take an interest in their sisters' +secrets, however silly. This is part of being a good brother. + +Alice led us across the field where the sheep once fell into the brook, +and across the brook by the plank. At the other end of the next field +there was a sort of wooden house on wheels, that the shepherd sleeps in +at the time of year when lambs are being born, so that he can see that +they are not stolen by gypsies before the owners have counted them. + +To this hut Alice now led her kind brothers and Daisy's kind brother. + +"Dora is inside," she said, "with the Secret. We were afraid to have it +in the house in case it made a noise." + +The next moment the Secret was a secret no longer, for we all beheld +Dora, sitting on a sack on the floor of the hut, with the Secret in her +lap. + +It was the High-born Babe! + +Oswald was so overcome that he sat down suddenly, just like Betsy +Trotwood did in _David Copperfield_, which just shows what a true author +Dickens is. + +"You've done it this time," he said. "I suppose you know you're a +baby-stealer?" + +"I'm not," Dora said. "I've adopted him." + +"Then it was you," Dicky said, "who scuttled the perambulator in the +wood?" + +"Yes," Alice said; "we couldn't get it over the stile unless Dora put +down the Baby, and we were afraid of the nettles for his legs. His name +is to be Lord Edward." + +"But, Dora--really, don't you think--" + +"If you'd been there you'd have done the same," said Dora, firmly. "The +gypsies had gone. Of course something had frightened them, and they fled +from justice. And the little darling was awake and held out his arms to +me. No, he hasn't cried a bit, and I know all about babies; I've often +nursed Mrs. Simpkins's daughter's baby when she brings it up on Sundays. +They have bread and milk to eat. You take him, Alice, and I'll go and +get some bread and milk for him." + +Alice took the noble brat. It was horribly lively, and squirmed about in +her arms, and wanted to crawl on the floor. She could only keep it quiet +by saying things to it a boy would be ashamed even to think of saying, +such as "Goo goo," and "Did ums was," and "Ickle ducksums then." + +When Alice used these expressions the Baby laughed and chuckled and +replied: + +"Daddadda," "Bababa," or "Glueglue." + +But if Alice stopped her remarks for an instant the thing screwed its +face up as if it was going to cry, but she never gave it time to begin. + +It was a rummy little animal. + +Then Dora came back with the bread and milk, and they fed the noble +infant. It was greedy and slobbery, but all three girls seemed unable to +keep their eyes and hands off it. They looked at it exactly as if it was +pretty. + +We boys stayed watching them. There was no amusement left for us now, +for Oswald saw that Dora's Secret knocked the bottom out of the +perambulator. + +When the infant aristocrat had eaten a hearty meal it sat on Alice's lap +and played with the amber heart she wears that Albert's uncle brought +her from Hastings after the business of the bad sixpence and the +nobleness of Oswald. + +"Now," said Dora, "this is a council, so I want to be business-like. The +Duckums Darling has been stolen away; its wicked stealers have deserted +the Precious. We've got it. Perhaps its ancestral halls are miles and +miles away. I vote we keep the little Lovey Duck till it's advertised +for." + +"If Albert's uncle lets you," said Dicky, darkly. + +"Oh, don't say 'you' like that," Dora said; "I want it to be all of our +baby. It will have five fathers and three mothers, and a grandfather and +a great Albert's uncle, and a great grand-uncle. I'm sure Albert's uncle +will let us keep it--at any rate till it's advertised for." + +"And suppose it never is," Noel said. + +"Then so much the better," said Dora, "the little Duckywux." + +She began kissing the baby again. Oswald, ever thoughtful, said: + +"Well, what about your dinner?" + +"Bother dinner!" Dora said--so like a girl. "Will you all agree to be +his fathers and mothers?" + +"Anything for a quiet life," said Dicky, and Oswald said: + +"Oh yes, if you like. But you'll see we sha'n't be allowed to keep it." + +"You talk as if he was rabbits or white rats," said Dora, "and he's +not--he's a little man, he is." + +"All right, he's no rabbit, but a man. Come on and get some grub, Dora," +rejoined the kind-hearted Oswald, and Dora did, with Oswald and the +other boys. Only Noel stayed with Alice. He really seemed to like the +baby. When I looked back he was standing on his head to amuse it, but +the baby did not seem to like him any better whichever end of him was +up. + +Dora went back to the shepherd's house on wheels directly she had had +her dinner. Mrs. Pettigrew was very cross about her not being in to it, +but she had kept her some mutton hot all the same. She is a decent sort. +And there were stewed prunes. We had some to keep Dora company. Then we +boys went fishing again in the moat, but we caught nothing. + +Just before tea-time we all went back to the hut, and before we got half +across the last field we could hear the howling of the Secret. + +"Poor little beggar," said Oswald, with manly tenderness. "They must be +sticking pins in it." + +We found the girls and Noel looking quite pale and breathless. Daisy was +walking up and down with the Secret in her arms. It looked like Alice in +Wonderland nursing the baby that turned into a pig. Oswald said so, and +added that its screams were like it too. + +"What on earth is the matter with it?" he said. + +"_I_ don't know," said Alice. "Daisy's tired, and Dora and I are quite +worn out. He's been crying for hours and hours. _You_ take him a bit." + +"Not me," replied Oswald, firmly, withdrawing a pace from the Secret. + +Dora was fumbling with her waistband in the furthest corner of the hut. + +"I think he's cold," she said. "I thought I'd take off my flannelette +petticoat, only the horrid strings got into a hard knot. Here, Oswald, +let's have your knife." + +With the word she plunged her hand into Oswald's jacket pocket, and next +moment she was rubbing her hand like mad on her dress, and screaming +almost as loud as the Baby. Then she began to laugh and to cry at the +same time. This is called hysterics. + +[Illustration: "FOUND HIMSELF THE DEGRADED NURSE-MAID OF A SMALL BUT +FURIOUS KID"] + +Oswald was sorry, but he was annoyed too. He had forgotten that his +pocket was half full of the meal-worms the miller had kindly given him. +And, anyway, Dora ought to have known that a man always carries his +knife in his trousers pocket and not in his jacket one. + +Alice and Daisy rushed to Dora. She had thrown herself down on the pile +of sacks in the corner. The titled infant delayed its screams for a +moment to listen to Dora's, but almost at once it went on again. + +"Oh, get some water!" said Alice. "Daisy, run!" + +The White Mouse, ever docile and obedient, shoved the baby into the arms +of the nearest person, who had to take it or it would have fallen a +wreck to the ground. This nearest person was Oswald. He tried to pass it +on to the others, but they wouldn't. Noel would have, but he was busy +kissing Dora and begging her not to. + +So our hero, for such I may perhaps term him, found himself the degraded +nursemaid of a small but furious kid. + +He was afraid to lay it down, for fear in its rage it should beat its +brains out against the hard earth, and he did not wish, however +innocently, to be the cause of its hurting itself at all. So he walked +earnestly up and down with it, thumping it unceasingly on the back, +while the others attended to Dora, who presently ceased to yell. + +Suddenly it struck Oswald that the High-born also had ceased to yell. He +looked at it, and could hardly believe the glad tidings of his faithful +eyes. With bated breath he hastened back to the sheep-house. + +The others turned on him, full of reproaches about the meal-worms and +Dora, but he answered without anger. + +"Shut up," he said, in a whisper of imperial command. "Can't you see +it's _gone to sleep_?" + + * * * * * + +As exhausted as if they had all taken part in all the events of a very +long Athletic Sports, the youthful Bastables and their friends dragged +their weary limbs back across the fields. Oswald was compelled to go on +holding the titled infant, for fear it should wake up if it changed +hands, and begin to yell again. Dora's flannelette petticoat had been +got off somehow--how I do not seek to inquire--and the Secret was +covered with it. The others surrounded Oswald as much as possible, with +a view to concealment if we met Mrs. Pettigrew. But the coast was clear. +Oswald took the Secret up into his bedroom. Mrs. Pettigrew doesn't come +there much; it's too many stairs. + +With breathless precaution Oswald laid it down on his bed. It sighed, +but did not wake. Then we took it in turns to sit by it and see that it +did not get up and fling itself out of bed, which, in one of its furious +fits, it would just as soon have done as not. + +We expected Albert's uncle every minute. + +At last we heard the gate, but he did not come in, so we looked out and +saw that there he was talking to a distracted-looking man on a piebald +horse--one of the miller's horses. + +A shiver of doubt coursed through our veins. We could not remember +having done anything wrong at the miller's. But you never know. And it +seemed strange his sending a man up on his own horse. But when we had +looked a bit longer our fears went down and our curiosity got up. For we +saw that the distracted one was a gentleman. + +Presently he rode off, and Albert's uncle came in. A deputation met him +at the door--all the boys and Dora, because the baby was her idea. + +"We've found something," Dora said, "and we want to know whether we may +keep it." + +The rest of us said nothing. We were not so very extra anxious to keep +it after we had heard how much and how long it could howl. Even Noel had +said he had no idea a baby could yell like it. Dora said it only cried +because it was sleepy, but we reflected that it would certainly be +sleepy once a day, if not oftener. + +"What is it?" said Albert's uncle. "Let's see this treasure-trove. Is it +a wild beast?" + +"Come and see," said Dora, and we led him to our room. + +Alice turned down the pink flannelette petticoat with silly pride, and +showed the youthful heir fatly and pinkly sleeping. + +"A baby!" said Albert's uncle. "_The_ Baby! Oh, my cat's alive!" + +That is an expression which he uses to express despair unmixed with +anger. + +"Where did you?--but that doesn't matter. We'll talk of this later." + +He rushed from the room, and in a moment or two we saw him mount his +bicycle and ride off. + +Quite shortly he returned with the distracted horseman. + +It was _his_ baby, and not titled at all. The horseman and his wife were +the lodgers at the mill. The nursemaid was a girl from the village. + +She _said_ she only left the Baby five minutes while she went to speak +to her sweetheart, who was gardener at the Red House. But _we_ knew she +left it over an hour, and nearly two. + +I never saw any one so pleased as the distracted horseman. + +When we were asked we explained about having thought the Baby was the +prey of gypsies, and the distracted horseman stood hugging the Baby, and +actually thanked us. + +But when he had gone we had a brief lecture on minding our own business. +But Dora still thinks she was right. As for Oswald and most of the +others, they agreed that they would rather mind their own business all +their lives than mind a baby for a single hour. + +If you have never had to do with a baby in the frenzied throes of +sleepiness you can have no idea what its screams are like. + +If you have been through such a scene you will understand how we +managed to bear up under having no baby to adopt. + +Oswald insisted on having the whole thing written in the Golden Deed +book. Of course his share could not be put in without telling about +Dora's generous adopting of the forlorn infant outcast, and Oswald could +not and cannot forget that he was the one who did get that baby to +sleep. + +What a time Mr. and Mrs. Distracted Horseman must have of it, +though--especially now they've sacked the nursemaid. + +If Oswald is ever married--I suppose he must be some day--he will have +ten nurses to each baby. Eight is not enough. We know that because we +tried, and the whole eight of us were not enough for the needs of that +deserted infant, who was not so extra high-born after all. + + + + +HUNTING THE FOX + + +It is idle to expect every one to know everything in the world without +being told. If we had been brought up in the country we should have +known that it is not done--to hunt the fox in August. But in the +Lewisham Road the most observing boy does not notice the dates when it +is proper to hunt foxes. + +And there are some things you cannot bear to think that anybody would +think you would do; that is why I wish to say plainly at the very +beginning that none of us would have shot a fox on purpose even to save +our skins. Of course, if a man were at bay in a cave, and had to defend +girls from the simulaerous attack of a herd of savage foxes it would be +different. A man is bound to protect girls and take care of them--they +can jolly well take care of themselves really it seems to me--still, +this is what Albert's uncle calls one of the "rules of the game," so we +are bound to defend them and fight for them to the death, if needful. + +Denny knows a quotation which says: + + "What dire offence from harmless causes springs, + What mighty contests rise from trefoil things." + +He says this means that all great events come from three +things--three-fold, like the clover or trefoil, and the causes are +always harmless. Trefoil is short for three-fold. + +There were certainty three things that led up to the adventure which is +now going to be told you. The first was our Indian uncle coming down to +the country to see us. The second was Denny's tooth. The third was only +our wanting to go hunting; but if you count it in it makes the thing +about the trefoil come right. And all these causes were harmless. + +It is a flattering thing to say, and it was not Oswald who said it, but +Dora. She said she was certain our uncle missed us, and that he felt he +could no longer live without seeing his dear ones (that was us). + +Anyway, he came down, without warning, which is one of the few bad +habits that excellent Indian man has, and this habit has ended in +unpleasantness more than once, as when we played Jungles. + +However, this time it was all right. He came on rather a dull kind of +day, when no one had thought of anything particularly amusing to do. So +that, as it happened to be dinner-time and we had just washed our hands +and faces, we were all spotlessly clean (compared with what we are +sometimes, I mean, of course). + +We were just sitting down to dinner, and Albert's uncle was just +plunging the knife into the hot heart of the steak pudding, when there +was the rumble of wheels, and the station fly stopped at the garden +gate. And in the fly, sitting very upright, with his hands on his knees, +was our Indian relative so much beloved. He looked very smart, with a +rose in his buttonhole. How different from what he looked in other days +when he helped us to pretend that our currant pudding was a wild boar we +were killing with our forks. Yet, though tidier, his heart still beat +kind and true. You should not judge people harshly because their clothes +are tidy. He had dinner with us, and then we showed him round the place, +and told him everything we thought he would like to hear, and about the +Tower of Mystery, and he said: + +"It makes my blood boil to think of it." + +Noel said he was sorry for that, because everyone else we had told it to +had owned, when we asked them, that it froze their blood. + +"Ah," said the Uncle, "but in India we learn how to freeze our blood and +boil it at the same time." + +In those hot longitudes, perhaps, the blood is always near boiling +point, which accounts for Indian tempers, though not for the curry and +pepper they eat. But I must not wander; there is no curry at all in this +story. About temper I will not say. + +The Uncle let us all go with him to the station when the fly came back +for him; and when we said good-bye he tipped us all half a quid, without +any insidious distinctions about age or considering whether you were a +boy or a girl. Our Indian uncle is a true-born Briton, with no nonsense +about him. + +We cheered him like one man as the train went off, and then we offered +the fly-driver a shilling to take us back to the four cross-roads, and +the grateful creature did it for nothing because, he said, the gent had +tipped him something like. How scarce is true gratitude! So we cheered +the driver too for this rare virtue, and then went home to talk about +what we should do with our money. + +I cannot tell you all that we did with it, because money melts away +"like snow-wreaths in thaw-jean," as Denny says, and somehow the more +you have the more quickly it melts. We all went into Maidstone, and came +back with the most beautiful lot of brown paper parcels, with things +inside that supplied long-felt wants. But none of them belong to this +narration, except what Oswald and Denny clubbed to buy. + +This was a pistol, and it took all the money they both had, but when +Oswald felt the uncomfortable inside sensation that reminds you who it +is and his money that are soon parted he said to himself: + +"I don't care. We ought to have a pistol in the house, and one that will +go off, too--not those rotten flint-locks. Suppose there should be +burglars and us totally unarmed?" + +We took it in turns to have the pistol, and we decided always to +practise with it far from the house, so as not to frighten the +grown-ups, who are always much nervouser about firearms than we are. + +It was Denny's idea getting it; and Oswald owns it surprised him, but +the boy was much changed in his character. We got it while the others +were grubbing at the pastry-cook's in the High Street, and we said +nothing till after tea, though it was hard not to fire at the birds on +the telegraph wires as we came home in the train. + +After tea we called a council in the straw-loft, and Oswald said: + +"Denny and I have got a secret." + +"I know what it is," Dicky said, contemptibly. "You've found out that +shop in Maidstone where peppermint rock is four ounces a penny. H. O. +and I found it out before you did." + +Oswald said, "You shut up. If you don't want to hear the secret you'd +better bunk. I'm going to administer the secret oath." + +This is a very solemn oath, and only used about real things, and never +for pretending ones, so Dicky said: + +"Oh, all right; go ahead! I thought you were only rotting." + +So they all took the secret oath. Noel made it up long before, when he +had found the first thrush's nest we ever saw in the Blackheath garden: + + "I will not tell, I will not reveal, + I will not touch, or try to steal; + And may I be called a beastly sneak, + If this great secret I ever repeat." + +It is a little wrong about the poetry, but it is a very binding promise. +They all repeated it, down to H. O. + +"Now then," Dicky said, "what's up?" + +Oswald, in proud silence, drew the pistol from his breast and held it +out, and there was a murmur of awful amazement and respect from every +one of the council. The pistol was not loaded, so we let even the girls +have it to look at. + +And then Dicky said, "Let's go hunting." + +And we decided that we would. H. O. wanted to go down to the village and +get penny horns at the shop for the huntsmen to wind, like in the song, +but we thought it would be more modest not to wind horns or anything +noisy, at any rate not until we had run down our prey. But his talking +of the song made us decided that it was the fox we wanted to hunt. We +had not been particular which animal we hunted before that. + +Oswald let Denny have first go with the pistol, and when we went to bed +he slept with it under his pillow, but not loaded, for fear he should +have a nightmare and draw his fell weapon before he was properly awake. + +Oswald let Denny have it, because Denny had toothache, and a pistol is +consoling though it does not actually stop the pain of the tooth. The +toothache got worse, and Albert's uncle looked at it, and said it was +very loose, and Denny owned he had tried to crack a peach-stone with it. +Which accounts. He had creosote and camphor, and went to bed early, with +his tooth tied up in red flannel. + +Oswald knows it is right to be very kind when people are ill, and he +forebore to wake the sufferer next morning by buzzing a pillow at him, +as he generally does. He got up and went over to shake the invalid, but +the bird had flown and the nest was cold. The pistol was not in the nest +either, but Oswald found it afterwards under the looking-glass on the +dressing-table. He had just awakened the others (with a hair-brush +because they had not got anything the matter with their teeth), when he +heard wheels, and, looking out, beheld Denny and Albert's uncle being +driven from the door in the farmer's high cart with the red wheels. + +We dressed extra quick, so as to get down-stairs to the bottom of the +mystery. And we found a note from Albert's uncle. It was addressed to +Dora, and said: + + "Denny's toothache got him up in the small hours. He's off + to the dentist to have it out with him, man to man. Home to + dinner." + +Dora said, "Denny's gone to the dentist." + +"I expect it's a relation," H. O. said. "Denny must be short for +Dentist." + +I suppose he was trying to be funny--he really does try very hard. He +wants to be a clown when he grows up. The others laughed. + +"I wonder," Dicky said, "whether he'll get a shilling or half-a-crown +for it." + +Oswald had been meditating in gloomy silence, now he cheered up and +said: + +"Of course! I'd forgotten that. He'll get his tooth money, and the drive +too. So it's quite fair for us to have the fox-hunt while he's gone. I +was thinking we should have to put it off." + +The others agreed that it would not be unfair. + +"We can have another one another time if he wants to," Oswald said. + +We know foxes are hunted in red coats and on horseback--but we could not +do this--but H. O. had the old red football jersey that was Albert's +uncle's when he was at Loretto. He was pleased. + +"But I do wish we'd had horns," he said, grievingly. "I should have +liked to wind the horn." + +"We can pretend horns," Dora said; but he answered, "I didn't want to +pretend. I wanted to wind something." + +"Wind your watch," Dicky said. And that was unkind, because we all know +H. O.'s watch is broken, and when you wind it, it only rattles inside +without going in the least. + +We did not bother to dress up much for the hunting expedition--just +cocked hats and lath swords; and we tied a card on to H. O.'s chest with +"Moat House Fox-Hunters" on it; and we tied red flannel round all the +dogs' necks to show they were fox-hounds. Yet it did not seem to show it +plainly; somehow it made them look as if they were not fox-hounds, but +their own natural breeds--only with sore throats. + +Oswald slipped the pistol and a few cartridges into his pocket. He knew, +of course, that foxes are not shot; but as he said: + +"Who knows whether we may not meet a bear or a crocodile." + +We set off gayly. Across the orchard and through two cornfields, and +along the hedge of another field, and so we got into the wood, through a +gap we had happened to make a day or two before, playing "follow my +leader." + +The wood was very quiet and green; the dogs were happy and most busy. +Once Pincher started a rabbit. We said, "View Halloo!" and immediately +started in pursuit; but the rabbit went and hid, so that even Pincher +could not find him, and we went on. But we saw no foxes. + +So at last we made Dicky be a fox, and chased him down the green rides. +A wide walk in a wood is called a ride, even if people never do anything +but walk in it. + +We had only three hounds--Lady, Pincher, and Martha--so we joined the +glad throng and were being hounds as hard as we could, when we suddenly +came barking round a corner in full chase and stopped short, for we saw +that our fox had stayed his hasty flight. The fox was stooping over +something reddish that lay beside the path, and he said: + +"I say, look here!" in tones that thrilled us throughout. + +Our fox--whom we must now call Dicky, so as not to muddle the +narration--pointed to the reddy thing that the dogs were sniffing at. + +"It's a real live fox," he said. And so it was. At least it was +real--only it was quite dead--and when Oswald lifted it up its head was +bleeding. It had evidently been shot through the brain and expired +instantly. Oswald explained this to the girls when they began to cry at +the sight of the poor beast; I do not say he did not feel a bit sorry +himself. + +The fox was cold, but its fur was so pretty, and its tail and its little +feet. Dicky strung the dogs on the leash; they were so much interested +we thought it was better. + +"It does seem horrid to think it'll never see again out of its poor +little eyes" Dora said, blowing her nose. + +"And never run about through the wood again; lend me your hanky, Dora," +said Alice. + +"And never be hunted or get into a hen-roost or a trap or anything +exciting, poor little thing," said Dicky. + +The girls began to pick green chestnut leaves to cover up the poor fox's +fatal wound, and Noel began to walk up and down making faces, the way he +always does when he's making poetry. He cannot make one without the +other. It works both ways, which is a comfort. + +"What are we going to do now?" H. O. said; "the huntsman ought to cut +off its tail, I'm quite certain. Only, I've broken the big blade of my +knife, and the other never was any good." + +The girls gave H. O. a shove, and even Oswald said, "Shut up." For +somehow we all felt we did not want to play fox-hunting any more that +day. When his deadly wound was covered the fox hardly looked dead at +all. + +"Oh, I wish it wasn't true!" Alice said. + +Daisy had been crying all the time, and now she said, "I should like to +pray God to make it not true." + +But Dora kissed her, and told her that was no good--only she might pray +God to take care of the fox's poor little babies, if it had had any, +which I believe she has done ever since. + +"If only we could wake up and find it was a horrid dream," Alice said. +It seems silly that we should have cared so much when we had really set +out to hunt foxes with dogs, but it is true. The fox's feet looked so +helpless. And there was a dusty mark on its side that I know would not +had been there if it had been alive and able to wash itself. + +Noel now said, "This is the piece of poetry: + + "Here lies poor Reynard who is slain, + He will not come to life again. + I never will the huntsman's horn + Wind since the day that I was born + Until the day I die. + For I don't like hunting, and this is why." + +"Let's have a funeral," said H. O. This pleased everybody, and we got +Dora to take off her petticoat to wrap the fox in, so that we could +carry it to our garden and bury it without bloodying our jackets. Girls' +clothes are silly in one way, but I think they are useful too. A boy +cannot take off more than his jacket and waistcoat in any emergency, or +he is at once entirely undressed. But I have known Dora take off two +petticoats for useful purposes and look just the same outside +afterwards. + +We boys took it turns to carry the fox. It was very heavy. + +When we got near the edge of the wood Noel said: + +"It would be better to bury it here, where the leaves can talk funeral +songs over its grave forever, and the other foxes can come and cry if +they want to." He dumped the fox down on the moss under a young oak-tree +as he spoke. + +"If Dicky fetched the spade and fork we could bury it here, and then he +could tie up the dogs at the same time." + +"You're sick of carrying it," Dicky remarked, "that's what it is." But +he went on condition the rest of us boys went too. + +While we were gone the girls dragged the fox to the edge of the wood; it +was a different edge to the one we went in by--close to a lane--and +while they waited for the digging or fatigue party to come back, they +collected a lot of moss and green things to make the fox's long home +soft for it to lie in. There are no flowers in the woods in August, +which is a pity. + +When we got back with the spade and fork we dug a hole to bury the fox +in. We did not bring the dogs back, because they were too interested in +the funeral to behave with real, respectable calmness. + +The ground was loose and soft and easy to dig when we had scraped away +the broken bits of sticks and the dead leaves and the wild +honey-suckle; Oswald used the fork and Dicky had the spade. Noel made +faces and poetry--he was struck so that morning--and the girls sat +stroking the clean parts of the fox's fur till the grave was deep +enough. At last it was; then Daisy threw in the leaves and grass, and +Alice and Dora took the poor dead fox by his two ends, and we helped to +put him in the grave. We could not lower him slowly--he was dropped in, +really. Then we covered the furry body with leaves, and Noel said the +Burial Ode he had made up. He says this was it, but it sounds better now +than it did then, so I think he must have done something to it since: + + +THE FOX'S BURIAL ODE + + "Dear Fox, sleep here, and do not wake. + We picked these leaves for your sake. + You must not try to rise or move, + We give you this grave with our love. + Close by the wood where once you grew + Your mourning friends have buried you. + If you had lived you'd not have been + (Been proper friends with us, I mean), + But now you're laid upon the shelf, + Poor fox, you cannot help yourself, + So, as I say, we are your loving friends + And here your Burial Ode, dear Foxy, ends. + _P.S._--When in the moonlight bright + The foxes wander of a night, + They'll pass your grave and fondly think of you, + Exactly like we mean to always do. + So now, dear fox, adieu! + Your friends are few + But true + To you. + Adieu!" + +When this had been said we filled in the grave and covered the top of it +with dry leaves and sticks to make it look like the rest of the wood. +People might think it was treasure, and dig it up, if they thought there +was anything buried there, and we wished the poor fox to sleep sound and +not to be disturbed. + +The interring was over. We folded up Dora's blood-stained pink cotton +petticoat, and turned to leave the sad spot. + +We had not gone a dozen yards down the lane when we heard footsteps and +a whistle behind us, and a scrabbling and whining, and a gentleman with +two fox-terriers had called a halt just by the place where we had laid +low the "little red rover." + +The gentleman stood in the lane, but the dogs were digging--we could see +their tails wagging and see the dust fly. And we _saw where_. We ran +back. + +"Oh, please, do stop your dogs digging there!" Alice said. + +The gentleman said "Why?" + +"Because we've just had a funeral, and that's the grave." + +The gentleman whistled, but the fox-terriers were not trained like +Pincher, who was brought up by Oswald. The gentleman took a stride +through the hedge gap. + +"What have you been burying--a pet dicky bird, eh?" said the gentleman, +kindly. He had riding breeches and white whiskers. + +We did not answer, because now, for the first time, it came over all of +us, in a rush of blushes and uncomfortableness, that burying a fox is a +suspicious act. I don't know why we felt this, but we did. + +Noel said, dreamily: + + "We found his murdered body in the wood, + And dug a grave by which the mourners stood." + +But no one heard him except Oswald, because Alice and Dora and Daisy +were all jumping about with the jumps of unstrained anguish, and saying, +"Oh, call them off! Do! do!--oh, don't, don't! Don't let them dig!" + +Alas! Oswald was, as usual, right. The ground of the grave had not been +trampled down hard enough, and he had said so plainly at the time, but +his prudent counsels had been over-ruled. Now these busy-bodying, +meddling, mischief-making fox-terriers (how different from Pincher, who +minds his own business unless told otherwise) had scratched away the +earth and laid bare the reddish tip of the poor corpse's tail. + +We all turned to go without a word, it seemed to be no use staying any +longer. + +But in a moment the gentleman with the whiskers had got Noel and Dicky +each by an ear--they were nearest him. H. O. hid in the hedge. Oswald, +to whose noble breast sneakishness is, I am thankful to say, a stranger, +would have scorned to escape, but he ordered his sisters to bunk in a +tone of command which made refusal impossible. + +[Illustration: "'WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?'"] + +"And bunk sharp, too," he added sternly. "Cut along home." + +So they cut. + +The white-whiskered gentleman now encouraged his mangy fox-terriers, by +every means at his command, to continue their vile and degrading +occupation; holding on all the time to the ears of Dicky and Noel, who +scorned to ask for mercy. Dicky got purple and Noel got white. It was +Oswald who said: + +"Don't hang on to them, sir. We won't cut. I give you my word of honor." + +"_Your_ word of honor," said the gentleman, in tones for which, in +happier days, when people drew their bright blades and fought duels, I +would have had his heart's dearest blood. But now Oswald remained calm +and polite as ever. + +"Yes, on my honor," he said, and the gentleman dropped the ears of +Oswald's brothers at the sound of his firm, unserving tones. He dropped +the ears and pulled out the body of the fox and held it up. The dogs +jumped up and yelled. + +"Now," he said, "you talk very big about words of honor. Can you speak +the truth?" + +Dicky said, "If you think we shot it, you're wrong. We know better than +that." + +The white-whiskered one turned suddenly to H. O. and pulled him out of +the hedge. + +"And what does that mean?" he said, and he was pink with fury to the +ends of his large ears, as he pointed to the card on H. O.'s breast, +which said, "Moat House Fox-Hunters." + +Then Oswald said, "We _were_ playing at fox-hunting, but we couldn't +find anything but a rabbit that hid, so my brother was being the fox, +and then we found the fox shot dead, and I don't know who did it; and we +were sorry for it and we buried it--and that's all." + +"Not quite," said the riding-breeches gentleman, with what I think you +call a bitter smile, "not quite. This is my land, and I'll have you up +for trespass and damage. Come along now, no nonsense! I'm a magistrate +and I'm Master of the Hounds. A vixen, too! What did you shoot her with? +You're too young to have a gun. Sneaked your father's revolver, I +suppose?" + +Oswald thought it was better to be goldenly silent. But it was vain. The +Master of the Hounds made him empty his pockets, and there was the +pistol and the cartridges. + +The magistrate laughed a harsh laugh of successful disagreeableness. + +"All right," said he, "where's your license? You come with me. A week or +two in prison." + +I don't believe now he could have done it, but we all thought then he +could and would, what's more. + +So H. O. began to cry, but Noel spoke up. His teeth were chattering, yet +he spoke up like a man. + +He said, "You don't know us. You've no right not to believe us till +you've found us out in a lie. We don't tell lies. You ask Albert's uncle +if we do." + +"Hold your tongue," said the White Whiskered. + +But Noel's blood was up. + +"If you do put us in prison without being sure," he said, trembling more +and more, "you are a horrible tyrant like Caligula, and Herod, or Nero, +and the Spanish Inquisition, and I will write a poem about it in prison, +and people will curse you forever." + +"Upon my word," said White Whiskers, "we'll see about that," and he +turned up the lane with the fox hanging from one hand and Noel's ear +once more reposing in the other. + +I thought Noel would cry or faint. But he bore up nobly--exactly like an +early Christian martyr. + +The rest of us came along too. I carried the spade and Dicky had the +fork, H. O. had the card, and Noel had the magistrate. At the end of the +lane there was Alice. She had bunked home, obeying the orders of her +thoughtful brother, but she had bottled back again like a shot, so as +not to be out of the scrape. She is almost worthy to be a boy for some +things. + +She spoke to Mr. Magistrate and said: + +"Where are you taking him?" + +The outraged majesty of the magistrate said, "To prison, you naughty +little girl." + +Alice said, "Noel will faint. Somebody once tried to take him to prison +before--about a dog. Do please come to our house and see our uncle--at +least he's not--but it's the same thing. We didn't kill the fox, if +that's what you think--indeed we didn't. Oh, dear, I do wish you'd think +of your own little boys and girls if you've got any, or else about when +you were little. You wouldn't be so horrid if you did." + +I don't know which, if either, of these objects the fox-hound master +thought of, but he said: + +"Well, lead on," and he let go Noel's ear and Alice snuggled up to Noel +and put her arm round him. + +It was a frightened procession, whose cheeks were pale with +alarm--except those between white whiskers, and they were red--that +wound in at our gate and into the hall, among the old oak furniture and +black and white marble floor and things. + +Dora and Daisy were at the door. The pink petticoat lay on the table, +all stained with the gore of the departed. Dora looked at us all, and +she saw that it was serious. She pulled out the big oak chair and said: + +"Won't you sit down?" very kindly to the white-whiskered magistrate. + +He grunted, but did as she said. + +Then he looked about him in a silence that was not comforting, and so +did we. + +At last he said: + +"Come, you didn't try to bolt. Speak the truth, and I'll say no more." + +We said we had. + +Then he laid the fox on the table, spreading out the petticoat under it, +and he took out a knife and the girls hid their faces. Even Oswald did +not care to look. Wounds in battle are all very well, but it's different +to see a dead fox cut into with a knife. + +Next moment the magistrate wiped something on his handkerchief and then +laid it on the table and put one of my cartridges beside it. It was the +bullet that had killed the fox. + +"Look here!" he said. And it was too true. The bullets were the same. + +A thrill of despair ran through Oswald. He knows now how a hero feels +when he is innocently accused of a crime and the judge is putting on the +black cap, and the evidence is convulsive and all human aid is despaired +of. + +"I can't help it," he said, "we didn't kill it, and that's all there is +to it." + +The white-whiskered magistrate may have been master of the fox-hounds, +but he was not master of his temper, which is more important, I should +think, than a lot of beastly dogs. + +He said several words which Oswald would never repeat, much less use in +his own conversing, and besides that he called us "obstinate little +beggars." + +Then suddenly Albert's uncle entered in the midst of a silence freighted +with despairing reflections. The M. F. H. got up and told his tale: it +was mainly lies, or, to be more polite, it was hardly any of it true, +though I suppose he believed it. + +"I am very sorry, sir," said Albert's uncle, looking at the bullets. +"You'll excuse my asking for the children's version?" + +"Oh, certainly, sir, certainly," fuming, the fox-hound magistrate +replied. + +Then Albert's uncle said, "Now, Oswald, I know I can trust you to speak +the exact truth." + +So Oswald did. + +Then the white-whiskered fox-master laid the bullets before Albert's +uncle, and I felt this would be a trial to his faith far worse than the +rack or the thumbscrew in the days of the Armada. + +And then Denny came in. He looked at the fox on the table. + +"You found it, then?" he said. + +The M. F. H. would have spoken, but Albert's uncle said, "One moment, +Denny; you've seen this fox before?" + +"Rather," said Denny; "I--" + +But Albert's uncle said, "Take time. Think before you speak and say the +exact truth. No, don't whisper to Oswald. This boy," he said to the +injured fox-master, "has been with me since seven this morning. His +tale, whatever it is, will be independent evidence." + +But Denny would not speak, though again and again Albert's uncle told +him to. + +"I can't till I've asked Oswald something," he said at last. + +White Whiskers said, "That looks bad--eh?" + +But Oswald said, "Don't whisper, old chap. Ask me whatever you like, but +speak up." + +So Denny said, "I can't without breaking the secret oath." + +So then Oswald began to see, and he said, "Break away for all you're +worth, it's all right." And Denny said, drawing relief's deepest +breath, "Well, then, Oswald and I have got a pistol--shares--and I had +it last night. And when I couldn't sleep last night because of the +toothache I got up and went out early this morning. And I took the +pistol. And I loaded it just for fun. And down in the wood I heard a +whining like a dog, and I went, and there was the poor fox caught in an +iron trap with teeth. And I went to let it out and it bit me--look, +here's the place--and the pistol went off and the fox died, and I am so +sorry." + +"But why didn't you tell the others?" + +"They weren't awake when I went to the dentist's." + +"But why didn't you tell your uncle if you've been with him all the +morning?" + +"It was the oath," H. O. said: + + "May I be called a beastly sneak + If this great secret I ever repeat." + +White Whiskers actually grinned. + +"Well," he said, "I see it was an accident, my boy." Then he turned to +us and said: + +"I owe you an apology for doubting your word--all of you. I hope it's +accepted." + +We said it was all right and he was to never mind. + +But all the same we hated him for it. He tried to make up for his +unbelievingness afterwards by asking Albert's uncle to shoot rabbits; +but we did not really forgive him till the day when he sent the fox's +brush to Alice, mounted in silver, with a note about her plucky conduct +in standing by her brothers. + + * * * * * + +We got a lecture about not playing with firearms, but no punishment, +because our conduct had not been exactly sinful, Albert's uncle said, +but merely silly. + +The pistol and the cartridges were confiscated. + +I hope the house will never be attacked by burglars. When it is, +Albert's uncle will only have himself to thank if we are rapidly +overpowered, because it will be his fault that we shall have to meet +them totally unarmed, and be their almost unresisting prey. + + + + +THE SALE OF ANTIQUITIES + + +It began one morning at breakfast. It was the fifteenth of August--the +birthday of Napoleon the Great, Oswald Bastable, and another very nice +writer. Oswald was to keep his birthday on the Saturday, so that his +father could be there. A birthday when there are only many happy returns +is a little like Sunday or Christmas Eve. Oswald had a birthday-card or +two--that was all; but he did not repine, because he knew they always +make it up to you for putting off keeping your birthday, and he looked +forward to Saturday. + +Albert's uncle had a whole stack of letters as usual, and presently he +tossed one over to Dora, and said, "What do you say, little lady? Shall +we let them come?" + +But Dora, butter-fingered as ever, missed the catch, and Dick and Noel +both had a try for it, so that the letter went into the place where the +bacon had been, and where now only a frozen-looking lake of bacon fat +was slowly hardening, and then somehow it got into the marmalade, and +then H. O. got it, and Dora said: + +"I don't want the nasty thing now--all grease and stickiness." So H. O. +read it aloud: + + "MAIDSTONE SOCIETY OF ANTIQUITIES AND FIELD CLUB, + + "_Aug. 14, 1900._ + + "DEAR SIR,--At a meeting of the--" + + +H. O. stuck fast here, and the writing was really very bad, like a +spider that has been in the inkpot crawling in a hurry over the paper +without stopping to rub its feet properly on the mat. So Oswald took the +letter. He is above minding a little marmalade or bacon. He began to +read. It ran thus: + +"It's not Antiquities, you little silly," he said; "it's _Antiquaries_." + +"The other's a very good word," said Albert's uncle, "and I never call +names at breakfast myself--it upsets the digestion, my egregious +Oswald." + +"That's a name though," said Alice, "and you got it out of 'Stalky,' +too. Go on, Oswald." + +So Oswald went on where he had been interrupted: + + "MAIDSTONE SOCIETY OF ANTIQUARIES AND FIELD CLUB, + + "_Aug. 14, 1900._ + + "DEAR SIR,--At a meeting of the Committee of this Society it + was agreed that a field day should be held on Aug. 20, when + the Society proposes to visit the interesting church of + Ivybridge and also the Roman remains in the vicinity. Our + president, Mr. Longchamps, F.R.S., has obtained permission + to open a barrow in the Three Trees pasture. We venture to + ask whether you would allow the members of the Society to + walk through your grounds and to inspect--from without, of + course--your beautiful house, which is, as you are doubtless + aware, of great historic interest, having been for some + years the residence of the celebrated Sir Thomas Wyatt.--I + am, dear Sir, yours faithfully, + + "EDWARD K. TURNBULL (_Hon. Sec._)." + +"Just so," said Albert's uncle; "well, shall we permit the eye of the +Maidstone Antiquities to profane these sacred solitudes, and the foot of +the Field Club to kick up a dust on our gravel?" + +"Our gravel is all grass," H. O. said. And the girls said, "Oh, do let +them come!" It was Alice who said: + +"Why not ask them to tea? They'll be very tired coming all the way from +Maidstone." + +"Would you really like it?" Albert's uncle asked. "I'm afraid they'll be +but dull dogs, the Antiquities, stuffy old gentlemen with amphorae in +their button-holes instead of orchids, and pedigrees poking out of all +their pockets." + +We laughed--because we knew what an amphorae is. If you don't you might +look it up in the dicker. It's not a flower, though it sounds like one +out of the gardening book, the kind you never hear of any one growing. + +Dora said she thought it would be splendid. + +"And we could have out the best china," she said, "and decorate the +table with flowers. We could have tea in the garden. We've never had a +party since we've been here." + +"I warn you that your guests may be boresome; however, have it your own +way," Albert's uncle said; and he went off to write the invitation to +tea to the Maidstone Antiquities. I know that is the wrong word--but +somehow we all used it whenever we spoke of them, which was often. + +In a day or two Albert's uncle came in to tea with a lightly clouded +brow. + +"You've let me in for a nice thing," he said. "I asked the Antiquities +to tea, and I asked casually how many we might expect. I thought we +might need at least the full dozen of the best teacups. Now the +secretary writes accepting my kind invitation--" + +"Oh, good!" we cried. "And how many are coming?" + +"Oh, only about sixty," was the groaning rejoinder. "Perhaps more, +should the weather be exceptionally favorable." + +Though stunned at first, we presently decided that we were pleased. We +had never, never given such a big party. + +The girls were allowed to help in the kitchen, where Mrs. Pettigrew made +cakes all day long without stopping. They did not let us boys be there, +though I cannot see any harm in putting your finger in a cake before it +is baked, and then licking your finger, if you are careful to put a +different finger in the cake next time. Cake before it is baked is +delicious--like a sort of cream. + +Albert's uncle said he was the prey of despair. He drove in to Maidstone +one day. When we asked him where he was going, he said: + +"To get my hair cut: if I keep it this length I shall certainly tear it +out by double handfuls in the extremity of my anguish every time I think +of those innumerable Antiquities." + +But we found out afterwards that he really went to borrow china and +things to give the Antiquities their tea out of; though he did have his +hair cut too, because he is the soul of truth and honor. + +Oswald had a very good sort of birthday, with bows and arrows as well as +other presents. I think these were meant to make up for the pistol that +was taken away after the adventure of the fox-hunting. These gave us +boys something to do between the birthday-keeping, which was on the +Saturday, and the Wednesday when the Antiquities were to come. + +We did not allow the girls to play with the bows and arrows, because +they had the cakes that we were cut off from: there was little or no +unpleasantness over this. + +On the Tuesday we went down to look at the Roman place where the +Antiquities were going to dig. We sat on the Roman wall and ate nuts. +And as we sat there, we saw coming through the beet-field two laborers +with picks and shovels, and a very young man with thin legs and a +bicycle. It turned out afterwards to be a free wheel, the first we had +ever seen. + +They stopped at a mound inside the Roman wall, and the men took their +coats off and spat on their hands. + +We went down at once, of course. The thin-legged bicyclist explained his +machine to us very fully and carefully when we asked him, and then we +saw the men were cutting turfs and turning them over and rolling them +up, and putting them in a heap. So we asked the gentleman with his thin +legs what they were doing. He said: + +"They are beginning the preliminary excavation in readiness for +to-morrow." + +"What's up to-morrow?" H. O. asked. + +"To-morrow we propose to open this barrow and examine it." + +"Then _you're_ the Antiquities," said H. O. + +"I'm the secretary," said the gentleman, smiling, but narrowly. + +"Oh, you're all coming to tea with us," Dora said, and added anxiously, +"how many of you do you think there'll be?" + +"Oh, not more than eighty or ninety, I should think," replied the +gentleman. + +This took our breath away and we went home. As we went, Oswald, who +notices many things that would pass unobserved by the light and +careless, saw Denny frowning hard. + +So he said, "What's up?" + +"I've got an idea," the Dentist said. "Let's call a council." The +Dentist had grown quite used to our ways now. We had called him Dentist +ever since the fox-hunt day. He called a council as if he had been used +to calling such things all his life, and having them come, too; whereas +we all know that his former existing was that of a white mouse in a +trap, with that cat of a Murdstone aunt watching him through the bars. + +(That is what is called a figure of speech. Albert's uncle told me.) + +Councils are held in the straw-loft. + +As soon as we were all there and the straw had stopped rustling after +our sitting down, Dicky said: + +"I hope it's nothing to do with the Wouldbegoods?" + +"No," said Denny in a hurry: "quite the opposite." + +"I hope it's nothing wrong," said Dora and Daisy together. + +"It's--it's 'Hail to thee, blithe spirit--bird thou never wert,'" said +Denny. "I mean, I think it's what is called a lark." + +"You never know your luck. Go on, Dentist," said Dick. + +"Well, then, do you know a book called _The Daisy Chain_?" + +We didn't. + +"It's by Miss Charlotte M. Yonge," Daisy interrupted, "and it's about a +family of poor motherless children who tried so hard to be good, and +they were confirmed, and had a bazaar, and went to church at the +Minster, and one of them got married and wore black watered silk and +silver ornaments. So her baby died, and then she was sorry she had not +been a good mother to it. And--" + +Here Dicky got up and said he'd got some snares to attend to, and he'd +receive a report of the Council after it was over. But he only got as +far as the trap-door, and then Oswald, the fleet of foot, closed with +him, and they rolled together on the floor--while all the others called +out "Come back! Come back!" like guinea-hens on a fence. + +Through the rustle and bustle and hustle of the struggle with Dicky, +Oswald heard the voice of Denny murmuring one of his everlasting +quotations: + + "'Come back, come back!' he cried in Greek, + 'Across the stormy water, + And I'll forgive your Highland cheek, + My daughter, O my daughter!'" + +When quiet was restored and Dicky had agreed to go through with the +Council, Denny said: + +"_The Daisy Chain_ is not a bit like that really. It's a ripping book. +One of the boys dresses up like a lady and comes to call, and another +tries to hit his little sister with a hoe. It's jolly fine, I tell you." + +Denny is learning to say what he thinks, just like other boys. He would +never have learned such words as "ripping" and "jolly fine" while under +the auntal tyranny. + +Since then I have read _The Daisy Chain_. It is a first-rate book for +girls and little boys. + +But we did not want to talk about _The Daisy Chain_ just then, so Oswald +said: + +"But what's your lark?" + +Denny got pale pink and said: + +"Don't hurry me. I'll tell you directly. Let me think a minute." + +Then he shut his pale pink eyelids a moment in thought, and then opened +them and stood up on the straw and said very fast: + +"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears, or if not ears, pots. +You know we've been told that they are going to open the barrow, to +look for Roman remains to-morrow. Don't you think it seems a pity they +shouldn't find any?" + +"Perhaps they will," Dora said. But Oswald _saw_, and he said, "Primus! +Go ahead, old man." + +The Dentist went ahead. + +"In _The Daisy Chain_," he said, "they dug in a Roman encampment, and +the children went first and put some pottery there they'd made +themselves, and Harry's old medal of the Duke of Wellington. The doctor +helped them to some stuff to partly efface the inscription, and all the +grown-ups were sold. I thought we might: + + "You may break, you may shatter + The vase if you will; + But the scent of the Romans + Will cling round it still." + +Denny sat down amid applause. It really was a great idea, at least for +_him_. It seemed to add just what was wanted to the visit of the +Maidstone Antiquities. To sell the Antiquities thoroughly would be +indeed splendiferous. Of course, Dora made haste to point out that we +had not got an old medal of the Duke of Wellington, and that we hadn't +any doctor who would "help us to stuff to efface," and etcetera; but we +sternly bade her stow it. We weren't going to do _exactly_ like those +_Daisy Chain_ kids. + +The pottery was easy. We had made a lot of it by the stream--which was +the Nile when we discovered its source--and dried it in the sun, and +then baked it under a bonfire, like in _Foul Play_. And most of the +things were such queer shapes that they would have done for almost +anything--Roman or Greek, or even Egyptian or antediluvian, or household +milk-jugs of the cave-men, Albert's uncle said. The pots were, +fortunately, quite ready and dirty, because we had already buried them +in mixed sand and river mud to improve the color, and not remembered to +wash it off. + +So the Council at once collected it all--and some rusty hinges and some +brass buttons and a file without a handle; and the girl Councillors +carried it all concealed in their pinafores, while the men members +carried digging tools. H. O. and Daisy were sent on ahead as scouts to +see if the coast was clear. We have learned the true usefulness of +scouts from reading about the Transvaal War. But all was still in the +hush of evening sunset on the Roman ruin. + +We posted sentries, who were to lie on their stomachs on the walls and +give a long, low, signifying whistle if aught approached. + +Then we dug a tunnel, like the one we once did after treasure, when we +happened to bury a boy. It took some time; but never shall it be said +that a Bastable grudged time or trouble when a lark was at stake. We put +the things in as naturally as we could, and shoved the dirt back, till +everything looked just as before. Then we went home, late for tea. But +it was in a good cause; and there was no hot toast, only +bread-and-butter, which does not get cold with waiting. + +That night Alice whispered to Oswald on the stairs, as we went up to +bed: + +"Meet me outside your door when the others are asleep. Hist! Not a +word." + +Oswald said, "No kid?" + +And she replied in the affirmation. + +So he kept awake by biting his tongue and pulling his hair--for he +shrinks from no pain if it is needful and right. + +And when the others all slept the sleep of innocent youth, he got up and +went out, and there was Alice dressed. + +She said, "I've found some broken things that look ever so much more +Roman--they were on top of the cupboard in the library. If you'll come +with me, we'll bury them--just to see how surprised the others will be." + +It was a wild and daring act, but Oswald did not mind. + +He said: + +"Wait half a shake." And he put on his knickerbockers and jacket, and +slipped a few peppermints into his pocket in case of catching cold. It +is these thoughtful expedients which mark the born explorer and +adventurer. + +It _was_ a little cold; but the white moonlight was very fair to see, +and we decided we'd do some other daring moonlight act some other day. +We got out of the front door, which is never locked till Albert's uncle +goes to bed at twelve or one, and we ran swiftly and silently across the +bridge and through the fields to the Roman ruin. + +Alice told me afterwards she should have been afraid if it had been +dark. But the moonlight made it as bright as day is in your dreams. + +Oswald had taken the spade and a sheet of newspaper. + +We did not take all the pots Alice had found--but just the two that +weren't broken--two crooked jugs, made of stuff like flower-pots are +made of. We made two long cuts with the spade and lifted the turf up and +scratched the earth under, and took it out very carefully in handfuls on +to the newspaper, till the hole was deepish. Then we put in the jugs, +and filled it up with earth and flattened the turf over. Turf stretches +like elastic. This we did a couple of yards from the place where the +mound was dug into by the men, and we had been so careful with the +newspaper that there was no loose earth about. + +Then we went home in the wet moonlight--at least, the grass was very +wet--chuckling through the peppermint, and got up to bed without any one +knowing a single thing about it. + +[Illustration: "THEN WE PUT IN THE JUGS AND FILLED IT UP WITH EARTH"] + +The next day the Antiquities came. It was a jolly hot day, and the +tables were spread under the trees on the lawn, like a large and very +grand Sunday-school treat. There were dozens of different kinds of cake, +and bread-and-butter, both white and brown, and gooseberries and plums +and jam sandwiches. And the girls decorated the tables with +flowers--blue larkspur and white canterbury bells. And at about three +there was a noise of people walking in the road, and presently the +Antiquities began to come in at the front gate, and stood about on the +lawn by twos and threes and sixes and sevens, looking shy and uncomfy, +exactly like a Sunday-school treat. Presently some gentlemen came, who +looked like the teachers; they were not shy, and they came right up to +the door. So Albert's uncle, who had not been too proud to be up in our +room with us watching the people on the lawn through the netting of our +short blinds, said: + +"I suppose that's the Committee. Come on!" + +So we all went down--we were in our Sunday things--and Albert's uncle +received the Committee like a feudal system baron, and we were his +retainers. + +He talked about dates, and king-posts and gables, and mullions, and +foundations, and records, and Sir Thomas Wyatt, and poetry, and Julius +Caesar, and Roman remains, and lych-gates and churches, and dog's-tooth +moulding till the brain of Oswald reeled. I suppose that Albert's uncle +remarked that all our mouths were open, which is a sign of reels in the +brain, for he whispered: + +"Go hence, and mingle unsuspected with the crowd!" + +So we went out on to the lawn, which was now crowded with men and women +and one child. This was a girl; she was fat, and we tried to talk to +her, though we did not like her. (She was covered in red velvet like an +arm-chair.) But she wouldn't. We thought at first she was from a +deaf-and-dumb asylum, where her kind teachers had only managed to teach +the afflicted to say "Yes" and "No." But afterwards we knew better, for +Noel heard her say to her mother, "I wish you hadn't brought me, mamma. +I didn't have a pretty teacup, and I haven't enjoyed my tea one bit." +And she had had five pieces of cake, besides little cakes and nearly a +whole plate of plums, and there were only twelve pretty teacups +altogether. + +Several grown-ups talked to us in a most uninterested way, and then the +President read a paper about the Moat House, which we couldn't +understand, and other people made speeches we couldn't understand +either, except the part about kind hospitality, which made us not know +where to look. + +Then Dora and Alice and Daisy and Mrs. Pettigrew poured out the tea, and +we handed cups and plates. + +Albert's uncle took me behind a bush to see him tear what was left of +his hair when he found there were one hundred and twenty-three +Antiquities present, and I heard the President say to the Secretary that +"tea always fetched them." + +Then it was time for the Roman ruin, and our hearts beat high as we took +our hats--it was exactly like Sunday--and joined the crowded procession +of eager Antiquities. Many of them had umbrellas and overcoats, though +the weather was fiery and without a cloud. That is the sort of people +they were. The ladies all wore stiff bonnets, and no one took their +gloves off, though, of course, it was quite in the country, and it is +not wrong to take your gloves off there. + +We had planned to be quite close when the digging went on; but Albert's +uncle made us a mystic sign and drew us apart. + +Then he said: "The stalls and dress-circle are for the guests. The hosts +and hostesses retire to the gallery, whence, I am credibly informed, an +excellent view may be obtained." + +So we all went up on the Roman walls, and thus missed the cream of the +lark; for we could not exactly see what was happening. But we saw that +things were being taken from the ground as the men dug, and passed round +for the Antiquities to look at. And we knew they must be our Roman +remains: but the Antiquities did not seem to care for them much, though +we heard sounds of pleased laughter. And at last Alice and I exchanged +meaning glances when the spot was reached where we had put in the +extras. Then the crowd closed up thick, and we heard excited talk and we +knew we really _had_ sold the Antiquities this time. + +Presently the bonnets and coats began to spread out and trickle towards +the house, and we were aware that all would soon be over. So we cut home +the back way, just in time to hear the President saying to Albert's +uncle: + +"A genuine find--most interesting. Oh, really, you ought to have _one_. +Well, if you insist--" + +And so, by slow and dull degrees, the thick sprinkling of Antiquities +melted off the lawn; the party was over, and only the dirty teacups and +plates, and the trampled grass and the pleasures of memory were left. + +We had a very beautiful supper--out-of-doors, too--with jam sandwiches +and cake and things that were over; and as we watched the setting +monarch of the skies--I mean the sun--Alice said: + +"Let's tell." + +We let the Dentist tell, because it was he who hatched the lark, but we +helped him a little in the narrating of the fell plot, because he has +yet to learn how to tell a story straight from the beginning. + +When he had done, and we had done, Albert's uncle said, "Well, it amused +you; and you'll be glad to learn that it amused your friends the +Antiquities." + +"Didn't they think they were Roman?" Daisy said; "they did in _The Daisy +Chain_." + +"Not in the least," said Albert's uncle; "but the Treasurer and +Secretary were charmed by your ingenious preparations for their +reception." + +"We didn't want them to be disappointed," said Dora. + +"They weren't," said Albert's uncle. "Steady on with those plums, H. O. +A little way beyond the treasure you had prepared for them they found +two specimens of _real_ Roman pottery which sent every man-jack of them +home thanking his stars he had been born a happy little Antiquary +child." + +"Those were _our_ jugs," said Alice, "and we really _have_ sold the +Antiquities." She unfolded the tale about our getting the jugs and +burying them in the moonlight, and the mound; and the others listened +with deeply respectful interest. "We really have done it this time, +haven't we?" she added in tones of well-deserved triumph. + +But Oswald had noticed a queer look about Albert's uncle from almost the +beginning of Alice's recital; and he now had the sensation of something +being up, which has on other occasions frozen his noble blood. The +silence of Albert's uncle now froze it yet more Arcticly. + +"Haven't we?" repeated Alice, unconscious of what her sensitive +brother's delicate feelings had ahead got hold of. "We have done it this +time, haven't we?" + +"Since you ask me thus pointedly," answered Albert's uncle at last, "I +cannot but confess that I think you have indeed done it. Those pots on +the top of the library cupboard _are_ Roman pottery. The amphorae which +you hid in the mound are probably--I can't say for certain, +mind--priceless. They are the property of the owner of this house. You +have taken them out and buried them. The President of the Maidstone +Antiquarian Society has taken them away in his bag. Now what are you +going to do?" + +Alice and I did not know what to say, or where to look. The others added +to our pained position by some ungenerous murmurs about our not being +so jolly clever as we thought ourselves. + +There was a very far from pleasing silence. Then Oswald got up. He said: + +"Alice, come here a sec., I want to speak to you." + +As Albert's uncle had offered no advice, Oswald disdained to ask him for +any. + +Alice got up too, and she and Oswald went into the garden, and sat down +on the bench under the quince-tree, and wished they had never tried to +have a private lark of their very own with the Antiquities--"A Private +Sale," Albert's uncle called it afterwards. But regrets, as nearly +always happens, were vain. Something had to be done. + +But what? + +Oswald and Alice sat in silent desperateness, and the voices of the gay +and careless others came to them from the lawn, where, heartless in +their youngness, they were playing tag. I don't know how they could. +Oswald would not like to play tag when his brother and sister were in a +hole, but Oswald is an exception to some boys. But Dicky told me +afterwards he thought it was only a joke of Albert's uncle's. + +The dusk grew dusker, till you could hardly tell the quinces from the +leaves, and Alice and Oswald still sat exhausted with hard thinking, but +they could not think of anything. And it grew so dark that the moonlight +began to show. + +Then Alice jumped up--just as Oswald was opening his mouth to say the +same thing--and said, "Of course--how silly! I know. Come on in, +Oswald." + +And they went on in. + +Oswald was still far too proud to consult any one else. But he just +asked carelessly if Alice and he might go into Maidstone the next day to +buy some wire-netting for a rabbit-hutch, and to see after one or two +things. + +Albert's uncle said certainly. And they went by train with the bailiff +from the farm, who was going in about some sheep-dip and to buy pigs. At +any other time Oswald would not have been able to bear to leave the +bailiff without seeing the pigs bought. But now it was different. For he +and Alice had the weight on their bosoms of being thieves without having +meant it--and nothing, not even pigs, had power to charm the young but +honorable Oswald till that stain had been wiped away. + +So he took Alice to the Secretary of the Maidstone Antiquities' house, +and Mr. Turnbull was out, but the maid-servant kindly told us where the +President lived, and ere long the trembling feet of the unfortunate +brother and sister vibrated on the spotless gravel of Camperdown Villa. + +When they asked, they were told that Mr. Longchamps was at home. Then +they waited, paralyzed with undescribed emotions, in a large room with +books and swords and glass book-cases with rotten-looking odds and ends +in them. Mr. Longchamps was a collector. That means he stuck to +anything, no matter how ugly and silly, if only it was old. + +He came in rubbing his hands, and very kind. He remembered us very well, +he said, and asked what he could do for us. + +Oswald for once was dumb. He could not find words in which to own +himself the ass he had been. + +But Alice was less delicately moulded. She said: + +"Oh, if you please, we are most awfully sorry, and we hope you'll +forgive us, but we thought it would be such a pity for you and all the +other poor dear Antiquities to come all that way and then find nothing +Roman--so we put some pots and things in the barrow for you to find." + +"So I perceived," said the President, stroking his white beard and +smiling most agreeably at us; "a harmless joke, my dear! Youth's the +season for jesting. There's no harm done--pray think no more about it. +It's very honorable of you to come and apologize, I'm sure." + +His brow began to wear the furrowed, anxious look of one who would fain +be rid of his guests and get back to what he was doing before they +interrupted him. + +Alice said, "We didn't come for that. It's _much_ worse. Those were two +_real_ true Roman jugs you took away; we put them there; they aren't +ours. We didn't know they were real Roman. We wanted to sell the +Antiquities--I mean Antiquaries--and we were sold ourselves." + +"This is serious," said the gentleman. "I suppose you'd know the--the +'jugs' if you saw them again?" + +"Anywhere," said Oswald, with the confidential rashness of one who does +not know what he is talking about. + +Mr. Longchamps opened the door of a little room leading out of the one +we were in, and beckoned us to follow. We found ourselves amid shelves +and shelves of pottery of all sorts; and two whole shelves--small +ones--were filled with the sort of jug we wanted. + +"Well," said the President, with a veiled, menacing sort of smile, like +a wicked cardinal, "which is it?" + +Oswald said, "I don't know." + +Alice said, "I should know if I had it in my hand." + +The President patiently took the jugs down one after another, and Alice +tried to look inside them. And one after another she shook her head and +gave them back. + +At last she said, "You didn't _wash_ them?" + +Mr. Longchamps shuddered and said "No." + +"Then," said Alice, "there is something written with lead-pencil inside +both the jugs. I wish I hadn't. I would rather you didn't read it. I +didn't know it would be a nice old gentleman like you would find it. I +thought it would be the younger gentleman with the thin legs and the +narrow smile." + +"Mr. Turnbull." The President seemed to recognize the description +unerringly. "Well, well--boys will be boys--girls, I mean. I won't be +angry. Look at all the 'jugs' and see if you can find yours." + +Alice did--and the next one she looked at she said, "This is one"--and +two jugs further on she said, "This is the other." + +"Well," the President said, "these are certainly the specimens which I +obtained yesterday. If your uncle will call on me I will return them to +him. But it's a disappointment. Yes. I think you must let me look +inside." + +He did. And at the first one he said nothing. At the second he laughed. + +"Well, well," he said, "we can't expect old heads on young shoulders. +You're not the first who went forth to shear and returned shorn. Nor, it +appears, am I. Next time you have a Sale of Antiquities, take care that +you yourself are not 'sold.' Good-day to you, my dear. Don't let the +incident prey on your mind," he said to Alice. "Bless your heart, I was +a boy once myself, unlikely as you may think it. Good-bye." + + * * * * * + +We were in time to see the pigs bought, after all. + +I asked Alice what on earth it was she'd scribbled inside the beastly +jugs, and she owned that just to make the lark complete she had written +"Sucks" in one of the jugs, and "Sold again, silly," in the other. + +[Illustration: "'I THINK YOU MUST LET ME LOOK INSIDE'"] + +But we know well enough who it was that was sold. And if ever we have +any Antiquities to tea again, they sha'n't find so much as a Greek +waistcoat button if we can help it. + +Unless it's the President, for he did not behave at all badly. For a man +of his age I think he behaved exceedingly well. Oswald can picture a +very different scene having been enacted over those rotten pots if the +President had been an otherwise sort of man. + +But that picture is not pleasing, so Oswald will not distress you by +drawing it for you. You can most likely do it easily for yourself. + + + + +THE BENEVOLENT BAR + + +The tramp was very dusty about the feet and legs, and his clothes were +very ragged and dirty, but he had cheerful twinkly gray eyes, and he +touched his cap to the girls when he spoke to us, though a little as +though he would rather not. + +We were on the top of the big wall of the Roman ruin in the Three Tree +pasture. We had just concluded a severe siege with bows and arrows--the +ones that were given us to make up for the pistol that was confiscated +after the sad but not sinful occasion when it shot a fox. + +To avoid accidents that you would be sorry for afterwards, Oswald, in +his thoughtfulness, had decreed that every one was to wear wire masks. + +Luckily there were plenty of these, because a man who lived in the Moat +House once went to Rome, where they throw hundreds and thousands at each +other in play, and call it a Comfit Battle or Battaglia di Confetti +(that's real Italian). And he wanted to get up that sort of thing among +the village people--but they were too beastly slack, so he chucked it. + +And in the attic were the wire masks he brought home with him from +Rome, which people wear to prevent the nasty comfits getting in their +mouths and eyes. + +So we were all armed to the teeth with masks and arrows, but in +attacking or defending a fort your real strength is not in your +equipment, but in your power of Shove. Oswald, Alice, Noel and Denny +defended the fort. We were much the strongest side, but that was how +Dicky and Oswald picked up. + +The others got in, it is true, but that was only because an arrow hit +Dicky on the nose, and it bled quarts as usual, though hit only through +the wire mask. Then he put into dock for repairs, and while the +defending party weren't looking he sneaked up the wall at the back and +shoved Oswald off, and fell on top of him, so that the fort, now that it +had lost its gallant young leader, the life and soul of the besieged +party, was of course soon overpowered and had to surrender. + +Then we sat on the top and ate some peppermints Albert's uncle brought +us a bag of from Maidstone when he went to fetch away the Roman pottery +we tried to sell the Antiquities with. + +The battle was over, and peace raged among us as we sat in the sun on +the big wall and looked at the fields, all blue and swimming in the +heat. + +We saw the tramp coming through the beet-field. He made a dusty blot on +the fair scene. + +When he saw us he came close to the wall, and touched his cap, as I have +said, and remarked: + +"Excuse me interrupting of your sports, young gentlemen and ladies, but +if you could so far oblige as to tell a laboring man the way to the +nearest pub. It's a dry day and no error." + +"The 'Rose and Crown' is the best pub," said Dicky, "and the landlady is +a friend of ours. It's about a mile if you go by the field path." + +"Lor' love a duck!" said the tramp, "a mile's a long way, and walking's +a dry job this ere weather." + +We said we agreed with him. + +"Upon my sacred," said the tramp, "if there was a pump handy I believe +I'd take a turn at it--I would indeed, so help me if I wouldn't! Though +water always upsets me and makes my 'and shaky." + +We had not cared much about tramps since the adventure of the villainous +sailor-man and the Tower of Mystery, but we had the dogs on the wall +with us (Lady was awfully difficult to get up, on account of her long +deer-hound legs), and the position was a strong one, and easy to defend. +Besides, the tramp did not look like that bad sailor, nor talk like it. +And we considerably out-numbered the tramps, anyway. + +Alice nudged Oswald and said something about Sir Philip Sidney and the +tramp's need being greater than his, so Oswald was obliged to go to the +hole in the top of the wall where we store provisions during sieges, and +get out the bottle of ginger-beer which he had gone without when the +others had theirs so as to drink it when he got really thirsty. + +Meanwhile Alice said: + +"We've got some ginger-beer; my brother's getting it. I hope you won't +mind drinking out of our glass. We can't wash it, you know--unless we +rinse it out with a little ginger-beer." + +"Don't ye do it, miss," he said, eagerly; "never waste good liquor on +washing." + +The glass was beside us on the wall. Oswald filled it with ginger-beer +and handed down the foaming tankard to the tramp. He had to lie on his +young stomach to do this. + +The tramp was really quite polite--one of Nature's gentlemen, and a man +as well, we found out afterwards. He said: + +"Here's to you!" before he drank. Then he drained the glass till the rim +rested on his nose. + +"Swelp me, but I _was_ dry," he said. "Don't seem to matter much what it +is, this weather, do it? so long as it's suthink wet. Well, here's +thanking you." + +"You're very welcome," said Dora; "I'm glad you liked it." + +"Like it?" said he. "I don't suppose you know what it's like to have a +thirst on you. Talk of free schools and free libraries, and free baths +and wash-houses and such! Why don't some one start free _drinks_? He'd +be a 'ero, he would. I'd vote for him any day of the week and one over. +Ef yer don't objec I'll set down a bit and put on a pipe." + +He sat down on the grass and began to smoke. We asked him questions +about himself, and he told us many of his secret sorrows--especially +about there being no work nowadays for an honest man. At last he +dropped asleep in the middle of a story about a vestry he worked for +that hadn't acted fair and square by him like he had by them, or it (I +don't know if vestry is singular or plural), and we went home. But +before we went we held a hurried council and collected what money we +could from the little we had with us (it was ninepence halfpenny), and +wrapped it in an old envelope Dicky had in his pocket and put it gently +on the billowing middle of the poor tramp's sleeping waistcoat, so that +he would find it when he woke. None of the dogs said a single syllable +while we were doing this, so we knew they believed him to be poor but +honest, and we always find it safe to take their word for things like +that. + +As we went home a brooding silence fell upon us; we found out afterwards +that those words of the poor tramp's about free drinks had sunk deep in +all our hearts, and rankled there. + +After dinner we went out and sat with our feet in the stream. People +tell you it makes your grub disagree with you to do this just after +meals, but it never hurts us. There is a fallen willow across the stream +that just seats the eight of us, only the ones at the end can't get +their feet into the water properly because of the bushes, so we keep +changing places. We had got some liquorice root to chew. This helps +thought. Dora broke a peaceful silence with this speech: + +"Free drinks." + +The words awoke a response in every breast. + +"I wonder some one doesn't," H. O. said, leaning back till he nearly +toppled in, and was only saved by Oswald and Alice at their own deadly +peril. + +"Do for goodness sake sit still, H. O.," observed Alice. "It would be a +glorious act! I wish _we_ could." + +"What, sit still?" asked H. O. + +"No, my child," replied Oswald, "most of us can do that when we try. +Your angel sister was only wishing to set up free drinks for the poor +and thirsty." + +"Not for all of them," Alice said, "just a few. Change places now, +Dicky. My feet aren't properly wet at all." + +It is very difficult to change places safely on the willow. The changers +have to crawl over the laps of the others, while the rest sit tight and +hold on for all they're worth. But the hard task was accomplished and +then Alice went on: + +"And we couldn't do it for always, only a day or two--just while our +money held out. Eiffel Tower lemonade's the best, and you get a jolly +lot of it for your money too. There must be a great many sincerely +thirsty persons go along the Dover Road every day." + +"It wouldn't be bad. We've got a little chink between us," said Oswald. + +"And then think how the poor grateful creatures would linger and tell us +about their inmost sorrows. It would be most frightfully interesting. We +could write all their agonied life histories down afterwards like _All +the Year Round_ Christmas numbers. Oh, do let's!" + +Alice was wriggling so with earnestness that Dicky thumped her to make +her calm. + +"We might do it, just for one day," Oswald said, "but it wouldn't be +much--only a drop in the ocean compared with the enormous dryness of all +the people in the whole world. Still, every little helps, as the mermaid +said when she cried into the sea." + +"I know a piece of poetry about that," Denny said. + + "'Small things are best. + Care and unrest + To wealth and rank are given, + But little things + On little wings--' + +Do something or other, I forget what, but it means the same as Oswald +was saying about the mermaid." + +"What are you going to call it?" asked Noel coming out of a dream. + +"Call what?" + +"The Free Drinks game. + + "'It's a horrid shame + If the Free Drinks game + Doesn't have a name. + You would be to blame + If any one came + And--'" + +"Oh, shut up!" remarked Dicky. "You've been making that rot up all the +time we've been talking instead of listening properly." Dicky hates +poetry. I don't mind it so very much myself, especially Macaulay's and +Kipling's and Noel's. + +"There was a lot more--'lame' and 'dame' and 'name' and 'game' and +things--and now I've forgotten it," Noel said, in gloom. + +"Never mind," Alice answered, "it'll come back to you in the silent +watches of the night; you see if it doesn't. But really, Noel's right, +it _ought_ to have a name." + +"Free Drinks Company." + +"Thirsty Travellers' Rest." + +"The Travellers' Joy." + +These names were suggested, but not cared for extra. + +Then some one said--I think it was Oswald: + +"Why not 'The House Beautiful'?" + +"It can't be a house, it must be in the road. It'll only be a stall." + +"The 'Stall Beautiful' is simply silly," Oswald said. + +"The 'Bar Beautiful' then," said Dicky, who knows what the "Rose and +Crown" bar is like inside, which of course is hidden from girls. + +"Oh, wait a minute," cried the Dentist, snapping his fingers like he +always does when he is trying to remember things. "I thought of +something, only Daisy tickled me and it's gone--I know--let's call it +the Benevolent Bar!" + +It was exactly right, and told the whole truth in two words. +"Benevolent" showed it was free, and "Bar" showed what was +free--_e.g._, things to drink. The "Benevolent Bar" it was. + +We went home at once to prepare for the morrow, for of course we meant +to do it the very next day. Procrastination is, you know, what--and +delays are dangerous. If we had waited long we might have happened to +spend our money on something else. + +The utmost secrecy had to be observed, because Mrs. Pettigrew hates +tramps. Most people do who keep fowls. Albert's uncle was in London till +the next evening, so we could not consult him, but we know he is always +chock full of intelligent sympathy with the poor and needy. + +Acting with the deepest disguise, we made an awning to cover the +Benevolent Bar keepers from the searching rays of the monarch of the +skies. We found some old striped sun-blinds in the attic, and the girls +sewed them together. They were not very big when they were done, so we +added the girls' striped petticoats. I am sorry their petticoats turn up +so constantly in my narrative, but they really are very useful, +especially when the band is cut off. The girls borrowed Mrs. Pettigrew's +sewing-machine; they could not ask her leave without explanations, which +we did not wish to give just then, and she had lent it to them before. +They took it into the cellar to work it, so that she should not hear the +noise and ask bothering questions. They had to balance it on one end of +the beer-stand. It was not easy. While they were doing the sewing we +boys went out and got willow poles and chopped the twigs off, and got +ready as well as we could to put up the awning. + +When we returned a detachment of us went down to the shop in the village +for Eiffel Tower lemonade. We bought seven-and-sixpence worth; then we +made a great label to say what the bar was for. Then there was nothing +else to do except to make rosettes out of a blue sash of Daisy's to show +we belonged to the Benevolent Bar. + +The next day was as hot as ever. We rose early from our innocent +slumbers, and went out to the Dover Road to the spot we had marked down +the day before. It was at a cross-roads, so as to be able to give drinks +to as many people as possible. + +We hid the awning and poles behind the hedge and went home to brekker. + +After brek we got the big zinc bath they wash clothes in, and after +filling it with clean water we just had to empty it again, because it +was too heavy to lift. So we carried it vacant to the trysting-spot and +left H. O. and Noel to guard it while we went and fetched separate pails +of water; very heavy work, and no one who wasn't really benevolent would +have bothered about it for an instant. Oswald alone carried three pails. +So did Dicky and the Dentist. Then we rolled down some empty barrels and +stood up three of them by the road-side, and put planks on them. This +made a very first-class table, and we covered it with the best +table-cloth we could find in the linen cupboard. We brought out several +glasses and some teacups--not the best ones, Oswald was firm about +that--and the kettle and spirit-lamp and the teapot, in case any weary +tramp-woman fancied a cup of tea instead of Eiffel Tower. H. O. and Noel +had to go down to the shop for tea; they need not have grumbled; they +had not carried any of the water. And their having to go the second time +was only because we forgot to tell them to get some real lemons to put +on the bar to show what the drink would be like when you got it. The man +at the shop kindly gave us tick for the lemons, and we cashed up out of +our next week's pocket-money. + +Two or three people passed while we were getting things ready, but no +one said anything except the man who said, "Bloomin' Sunday-school +treat," and as it was too early in the day for any one to be thirsty we +did not stop the wayfarers to tell them their thirst could be slaked +without cost at our Benevolent Bar. + +But when everything was quite ready, and our blue rosettes fastened on +our breasts over our benevolent hearts, we stuck up the great placard we +had made with "Benevolent Bar. Free Drinks to all Weary Travellers," in +white wadding on red calico, like Christmas decorations in church. We +had meant to fasten this to the edge of the awning, but we had to pin it +to the front of the table-cloth, because I am sorry to say the awning +went wrong from the first. We could not drive the willow poles into the +road; it was much too hard. And in the ditch it was too soft, besides +being no use. So we had just to cover our benevolent heads with our +hats, and take it in turns to go into the shadow of the tree on the +other side of the road. For we had pitched our table on the sunny side +of the way, of course, relying on our broken-reed-like awning, and +wishing to give it a fair chance. + +Everything looked very nice, and we longed to see somebody really +miserable come along so as to be able to allieve their distress. + +A man and woman were the first; they stopped and stared, but when Alice +said, "Free drinks! Free drinks! Aren't you thirsty?" they said, "No, +thank you," and went on. Then came a person from the village; he didn't +even say "Thank you" when we asked him, and Oswald began to fear it +might be like the awful time when we wandered about on Christmas Day +trying to find poor persons and persuade them to eat our Conscience +pudding. + +But a man in a blue jersey and a red bundle eased Oswald's fears by +being willing to drink a glass of lemonade, and even to say, "Thank you, +I'm sure," quite nicely. + +After that it was better. As we had foreseen, there were plenty of +thirsty people walking along the Dover Road, and even some from the +crossroad. + +We had had the pleasure of seeing nineteen tumblers drained to the dregs +ere we tasted any ourselves. Nobody asked for tea. + +More people went by than we gave lemonade to. Some wouldn't have it +because they were too grand. One man told us he could pay for his own +liquor when he was dry, which, praise be, he wasn't over and above, at +present; and others asked if we hadn't any beer, and when we said "No," +they said it showed what sort we were--as if the sort was not a good +one, which it is. + +And another man said, "Slops again! You never get nothing for nothing, +not this side heaven you don't. Look at the bloomin' blue ribbon on 'em! +Oh, Lor'!" and went on quite sadly without having a drink. + +Our Pig-man who helped us on the Tower of Mystery day went by and we +hailed him, and explained it all to him and gave him a drink, and asked +him to call as he came back. He liked it all, and said we were a real +good sort. How different from the man who wanted the beer. Then he went +on. + +One thing I didn't like, and that was the way boys began to gather. Of +course we could not refuse to give drinks to any traveller who was old +enough to ask for it, but when one boy had had three glasses of lemonade +and asked for another, Oswald said: + +"I think you've had jolly well enough. You can't be really thirsty after +all that lot." + +The boy said, "Oh, can't I? You'll just see if I can't," and went away. +Presently he came back with four other boys, all bigger than Oswald; and +they all asked for lemonade. Oswald gave it to the four new ones, but +he was determined in his behavior to the other one, and wouldn't give +him a drop. Then the five of them went and sat on a gate a little way +off and kept laughing in a nasty way, and whenever a boy went by they +called out: + +"I say, 'ere's a go," and as often as not the new boy would hang about +with them. It was disquieting, for though they had nearly all had +lemonade, we could see it had not made them friendly. + +A great glorious glow of goodness gladdened (those go all together and +are called alliteration) our hearts when we saw our own tramp coming +down the road. The dogs did not growl at him as they had at the boys or +the beer-man. (I did not say before that we had the dogs with us, but of +course we had, because we had promised never to go out without them.) + +Oswald said, "Hullo," and the tramp said, "Hullo." + +Then Alice said, "You see we've taken your advice; we're giving free +drinks. Doesn't it all look nice?" + +"It does that," said the tramp. "I don't mind if I do." + +So we gave him two glasses of lemonade succeedingly, and thanked him for +giving us the idea. He said we were very welcome, and if we'd no +objection he'd sit down a bit and put on a pipe. He did, and after +talking a little more he fell asleep. Drinking anything seemed to end +in sleep with him. I always thought it was only beer and things made +people sleepy, but he was not so. When he was asleep he rolled into the +ditch, but it did not wake him up. + +The boys were getting very noisy, and they began to shout things, and to +make silly noises with their mouths, and when Oswald and Dicky went over +to them and told them to just chuck it, they were worse than ever. I +think perhaps Oswald and Dicky might have fought and settled +them--though there were eleven, yet back to back you can always do it +against overwhelming numbers in a book--only Alice called out: + +"Oswald, here's some more, come back!" + +We went. Three big men were coming down the road, very red and hot, and +not amiable-looking. They stopped in front of the Benevolent Bar and +slowly read the wadding and red-stuff label. + +Then one of them said he was blessed, or something like that, and +another said he was too. The third one said, "Blessed or not, a drink's +a drink. Blue ribbon though by ----" (a word you ought not to say, +though it is in the Bible and the catechism as well). "Let's have a +liquor, little missy." + +The dogs were growling, but Oswald thought it best not to take any +notice of what the dogs said, but to give these men each a drink. So he +did. They drank, but not as if they cared about it very much, and then +they set their glasses down on the table, a liberty no one else had +entered into, and began to try and chaff Oswald. Oswald said in an +undervoice to H. O.: + +"Just take charge. I want to speak to the girls a sec. Call if you want +anything." And then he drew the others away, to say he thought there'd +been enough of it, and considering the boys and the new three men, +perhaps we'd better chuck it and go home. We'd been benevolent nearly +four hours anyway. + +While this conversation and the objections of the others were going on, +H. O. perpetuated an act which nearly wrecked the Benevolent Bar. + +Of course Oswald was not an eye or ear witness of what happened, but +from what H. O. said in the calmer moments of later life, I think this +was about what happened: + +One of the big disagreeable men said to H. O.: + +"Ain't got such a thing as a drop o' spirit, 'ave yer?" + +H. O. said no, we hadn't, only lemonade and tea. + +"Lemonade and tea! blank" (bad word I told you about) "and blazes," +replied the bad character, for such he afterwards proved to be. "What's +_that_ then?" + +He pointed to a bottle labelled Dewar's whiskey, which stood on the +table near the spirit-kettle. + +"Oh, is _that_ what you want?" said H. O., kindly. + +The man is understood to have said he should bloomin' well think so, but +H. O. is not sure about the bloomin'. + +He held out his glass with about half the lemonade in it, and H. O. +generously filled up the tumbler out of the bottle labelled Dewar's +whiskey. The man took a great drink, and then suddenly he spat out what +happened to be left in his mouth just then, and began to swear. It was +then that Oswald and Dicky rushed upon the scene. The man was shaking +his fist in H. O.'s face, and H. O. was still holding on to the bottle +we had brought out the methylated spirit in for the lamp, in case of any +one wanting tea, which they hadn't. + +"If I was Jim," said the second ruffian, for such indeed they were, when +he had snatched the bottle from H. O. and smelt it, "I'd chuck the whole +show over the hedge, so I would, and you young gutter-snipes after it, +so I wouldn't." + +Oswald saw in a moment that in point of strength, if not numbers, he and +his party were outmatched, and the unfriendly boys were drawing gladly +near. It is no shame to signal for help when in distress--the best ships +do it every day. Oswald shouted "Help! help!" Before the words were out +of his brave yet trembling lips our own tramp leaped like an antelope +from the ditch and said: + +"Now then, what's up?" + +The biggest of the three men immediately knocked him down. He lay still. + +The biggest then said, "Come on--any more of you? Come on!" + +[Illustration: "OSWALD ACTUALLY HIT OUT AT THE BIG MAN"] + +Oswald was so enraged at this cowardly attack that he actually hit out +at the big man--and he really got one in just above the belt. Then he +shut his eyes, because he felt that now all was indeed up. There was a +shout and a scuffle, and Oswald opened his eyes in astonishment at +finding himself still whole and unimpaired. Our own tramp had artfully +stimulated insensibleness, to get the men off their guard, and then had +suddenly got his arms round a leg each of two of the men, and pulled +them to the ground, helped by Dicky, who saw his game and rushed in at +the same time, exactly like Oswald would have done if he had not had his +eyes shut ready to meet his doom. + +The unpleasant boys shouted, and the third man tried to help his +unrespectable friends, now on their backs, involved in a desperate +struggle with our own tramp, who was on top of them, accompanied by +Dicky. It all happened in a minute, and it was all mixed up. The dogs +were growling and barking--Martha had one of the men by the trouser leg +and Pincher had another; the girls were screaming like mad and the +strange boys shouted and laughed (little beasts!), and then suddenly our +Pig-man came round the corner, and two friends of his with him. He had +gone and fetched them to take care of us if anything unpleasant +occurred. It was very thoughtful, and just like him. + +"Fetch the police!" cried the Pig-man in noble tones, and H. O. started +running to do it. But the scoundrels struggled from under Dicky and our +tramp, shook off the dogs and some bits of trouser, and fled heavily +down the road. + +Our Pig-man said, "Get along home!" to the disagreeable boys, and +"Shoo'd" them as if they were hens, and they went. H. O. ran back when +they began to go up the road, and there we were, all standing breathless +and in tears on the scene of the late desperate engagement. Oswald gives +you his word of honor that his and Dicky's tears were tears of pure +rage. There are such things as tears of pure rage. Any one who knows +will tell you so. + +We picked up our own tramp and bathed the lump on his forehead with +lemonade. The water in the zinc bath had been upset in the struggle. +Then he and the Pig-man and his kind friends helped us carry our things +home. + +The Pig-man advised us on the way not to try these sort of kind actions +without getting a grown-up to help us. We've been advised this before, +but now I really think we shall never try to be benevolent to the poor +and needy again. At any rate not unless we know them very well first. + +We have seen our own tramp often since. The Pig-man gave him a job. He +has got work to do at last. The Pig-man says he is not such a very bad +chap, only he will fall asleep after the least drop of drink. We know +that is his failing. We saw it at once. But it was lucky for us he fell +asleep that day near our benevolent bar. + +I will not go into what my father said about it all. There was a good +deal in it about minding your own business--there generally is in most +of the talkings to we get. But he gave our tramp a sovereign, and the +Pig-man says he went to sleep on it for a solid week. + + + + +THE CANTERBURY PILGRIMS + + +The author of these few lines really does hope to goodness that no one +will be such an owl as to think from the number of things we did when we +were in the country, that we were wretched, neglected little children, +whose grown-up relations sparkled in the bright haunts of pleasure, and +whirled in the giddy what's-its-name of fashion, while we were left to +weep forsaken at home. It was nothing of the kind, and I wish you to +know that my father was with us a good deal--and Albert's uncle gave up +a good many of his valuable hours to us. And the father of Denny and +Daisy came now and then, and other people, quite as many as we wished to +see. And we had some very decent times with them; and enjoyed ourselves +very much indeed, thank you. In some ways the good times you have with +grown-ups are better than the ones you have by yourselves. At any rate, +they are safer. It is almost impossible, then, to do anything fatal +without being pulled up short by a grown-up ere yet the deed is done. +And, if you are careful, anything that goes wrong can be looked on as +the grown-up's fault. But these secure pleasures are not so interesting +to tell about as the things you do when there is no one to stop you on +the edge of the rash act. + +It is curious, too, that many of our most interesting games happened +when grown-ups were far away. For instance, when we were pilgrims. + +It was just after the business of the benevolent bar, and it was a wet +day. It is not so easy to amuse yourself indoors on a wet day as older +people seem to think, especially when you are far removed from your own +home, and haven't got all your own books and things. The girls were +playing Halma--which is a beastly game--Noel was writing poetry, H. O. +was singing "I don't know what to do" to the tune of "Canaan's Happy +Shore." It goes like this, and is very tiresome to listen to: + + "I don't know what to do--oo--oo--oo! + I don't know what to do--oo--oo! + It is a beastly rainy day + And I don't know what to do." + +The rest of us were trying to make him shut up. We put a carpet-bag over +his head, but he went on inside it; and then we sat on him, but he sang +under us; we held him upside down and made him crawl head first under +the sofa, but when, even there, he kept it up, we saw that nothing short +of violence would induce him to silence, so we let him go. And then he +said we had hurt him, and we said we were only in fun, and he said if we +were he wasn't, and ill feeling might have grown up even out of a +playful brotherly act like ours had been, only Alice chucked the Halma +and said: + +"Let dogs delight. Come on--let's play something." + +Then Dora said, "Yes, but look here. Now we're all together, I do want +to say something. What about the Wouldbegoods Society?" + +Many of us groaned, and one said, "Hear! hear!" I will not say which +one, but it was not Oswald. + +"No, but really," Dora said, "I don't want to be preachy--but you know +we _did_ say we'd try to be good. And it says in a book I was reading +only yesterday that _not_ being naughty is not enough. You must _be_ +good. And we've hardly done anything. The Golden Deed book's almost +empty." + +"Couldn't we have a book of leaden deeds," said Noel, coming out of his +poetry, "then there'd be plenty for Alice to write about if she wants +to, or brass or zinc or aluminium deeds? We sha'n't ever fill the book +with golden ones." + +H. O. had rolled himself in the red table-cloth, and said Noel was only +advising us to be naughty, and again peace waved in the balance. But +Alice said, "Oh, H. O., _don't_--he didn't mean that; but really and +truly, I wish wrong things weren't so interesting. You begin to do a +noble act, and then it gets so exciting, and before you know where you +are you are doing something wrong as hard as you can lick." + +"And enjoying it too," Dicky said. + +"It's very curious," Denny said, "but you don't seem to be able to be +certain inside yourself whether what you're doing is right if you happen +to like doing it, but if you don't like doing it you know quite well. I +only thought of that just now. I wish Noel would make a poem about it." + +"I am," Noel said; "it began about a crocodile, but it is finishing +itself up quite different from what I meant it to at first. Just wait a +minute." + +He wrote very hard while his kind brothers and sisters and his little +friends waited the minute he had said, and then he read: + + "The crocodile is very wise, + He lives in the Nile with little eyes, + He eats the hippopotamus too, + And if he could he would eat up you. + + "The lovely woods and starry skies + He looks upon with glad surprise; + He sees the riches of the east, + And the tiger and lion, kings of beast. + + "So let all be good and beware + Of saying sha'n't and won't and don't care; + For doing wrong is easier far + Than any of the right things I know about are. + +And I couldn't make it king of beasts because of it not rhyming with +east, so I put the _s_ off beasts on to king. It comes even in the end." + +We all said it was a very nice piece of poetry. Noel gets really ill if +you don't like what he writes, and then he said, "If it's trying that's +wanted, I don't care how hard we _try_ to be good, but we may as well +do it some nice way. Let's be Pilgrim's Progress, like I wanted to at +first." + +And we were all beginning to say we didn't want to, when suddenly Dora +said, "Oh, look here! I know. We'll be the Canterbury Pilgrims. People +used to go pilgrimages to make themselves good." + +"With pease in their shoes," the Dentist said. "It's in a piece of +poetry--only the man boiled his pease--which is quite unfair." + +"Oh yes," said H. O., "and cocked hats." + +"Not cocked--cockled"--it was Alice who said this. "And they had staffs +and scrips, and they told each other tales. We might as well." + +Oswald and Dora had been reading about the Canterbury Pilgrims in a book +called A _Short History of the English People_. It is not at all short +really--three fat volumes--but it has jolly good pictures. It was +written by a gentleman named Green. So Oswald said: + +"All right. I'll be the Knight." + +"I'll be the wife of Bath," Dora said. "What will you be, Dicky?" + +"Oh, I don't care, I'll be Mr. Bath if you like." + +"We don't know much about the people," Alice said. "How many were +there?" + +"Thirty," Oswald replied, "but we needn't be all of them. There's the +Nun-Priest." + +"Is that a man or a woman?" + +Oswald said he could not be sure by the picture, but Alice and Noel +could be it between them. So that was settled. Then we got the book and +looked at the dresses to see if we could make up dresses for the parts. +At first we thought we would, because it would be something to do, and +it was a very wet day; but they looked difficult, especially the +Miller's. Denny wanted to be the Miller, but in the end he was the +Doctor, because it was next door to Dentist, which is what we call him +for short. Daisy was to be the Prioress--because she is good, and has "a +soft little red mouth," and H. O. _would_ be the Manciple (I don't know +what that is), because the picture of him is bigger than most of the +others, and he said Manciple was a nice portmanteau word--half mandarin +and half disciple. + +"Let's get the easiest parts of the dresses ready first," Alice +said--"the pilgrims' staffs and hats and the cockles." + +So Oswald and Dicky braved the fury of the elements and went into the +wood beyond the orchard to cut ash-sticks. We got eight jolly good long +ones. Then we took them home, and the girls bothered till we changed our +clothes, which were indeed sopping with the elements we had faced. + +Then we peeled the sticks. They were nice and white at first, but they +soon got dirty when we carried them. It is a curious thing: however +often you wash your hands they always seem to come off on anything +white. And we nailed paper rosettes to the tops of them. That was the +nearest we could get to cockle-shells. + +"And we may as well have them there as on our hats," Alice said. "And +let's call each other by our right names to-day, just to get into it. +Don't you think so, Knight?" + +"Yea, Nun-Priest," Oswald was replying, but Noel said she was only half +the Nun-Priest, and again a threat of unpleasantness darkened the air. +But Alice said: + +"Don't be a piggy-wiggy, Noel, dear; you can have it all, I don't want +it. I'll just be a plain pilgrim, or Henry who killed Becket." + +So she was called the Plain Pilgrim, and she did not mind. + +We thought of cocked hats, but they are warm to wear, and the big garden +hats that make you look like pictures on the covers of plantation songs +did beautifully. We put cockle-shells on them. Sandals we did try, with +pieces of oil-cloth cut the shape of soles and fastened with tape, but +the dust gets into your toes so, and we decided boots were better for +such a long walk. Some of the pilgrims who were very earnest decided to +tie their boots with white tape crossed outside to pretend sandals. +Denny was one of these earnest palmers. As for dresses, there was no +time to make them properly, and at first we thought of nightgowns; but +we decided not to, in case people in Canterbury were not used to that +sort of pilgrim nowadays. We made up our minds to go as we were--or as +we might happen to be next day. + +You will be ready to believe we hoped next day would be fine. It was. + +Fair was the morn when the pilgrims arose and went down to breakfast. +Albert's uncle had had brekker early and was hard at work in his study. +We heard his quill-pen squeaking when we listened at the door. It is not +wrong to listen at doors when there is only one person inside, because +nobody would tell itself secrets aloud when it was alone. + +We got lunch from the housekeeper, Mrs. Pettigrew. She seems almost to +_like_ us all to go out and take our lunch with us. Though I should +think it must be very dull for her all alone. I remember, though, that +Eliza, our late general at Lewisham, was just the same. We took the dear +dogs, of course. Since the Tower of Mystery happened we are not allowed +to go anywhere without the escort of these faithful friends of man. We +did not take Martha, because bull-dogs do not like long walks. Remember +this if you ever have one of those valuable animals. + +When we were all ready, with our big hats and cockle-shells, and our +staves and our tape sandals, the pilgrims looked very nice. + +"Only we haven't any scrips," Dora said. + +"What is a scrip?" + +"I think it's something to read. A roll of parchment or something." + +So we had old newspapers rolled up, and carried them in our hands. We +took the _Globe_ and the _Westminster Gazette_ because they are pink and +green. The Dentist wore his white sand-shoes, sandalled with black tape, +and bare legs. They really looked almost as good as bare feet. + +"We _ought_ to have pease in our shoes," he said. But we did not think +so. We knew what a very little stone in your boot will do, let alone +pease. + +Of course we knew the way to go to Canterbury, because the old Pilgrims' +Road runs just above our house. It is a very pretty road, narrow, and +often shady. It is nice for walking, but carts do not like it because it +is rough and rutty; so there is grass growing in patches on it. + +I have said that it was a fine day, which means that it was not raining, +but the sun did not shine all the time. + +"'Tis well, O Knight," said Alice, "that the orb of day shines not in +undi--what's-its-name?--splendor." + +"Thou sayest sooth, Plain Pilgrim," replied Oswald. "'Tis jolly warm +even as it is." + +"I wish I wasn't two people," Noel said, "it seems to make me hotter. I +think I'll be a Reeve or something." + +But we would not let him, and we explained that if he hadn't been so +beastly particular Alice would have been half of him, and he had only +himself to thank if being all of a Nun-Priest made him hot. + +But it _was_ warm certainly, and it was some time since we'd gone so far +in boots. Yet when H. O. complained we did our duty as pilgrims and made +him shut up. He did as soon as Alice said that about whining and +grizzling being below the dignity of a Manciple. + +It was so warm that the Prioress and the wife of Bath gave up walking +with their arms round each other in their usual silly way (Albert's +uncle calls it Laura Matildaing), and the Doctor and Mr. Bath had to +take their jackets off and carry them. + +I am sure if an artist or a photographer, or any person who liked +pilgrims, had seen us he would have been very pleased. The paper +cockle-shells were first-rate, but it was awkward having them on the top +of the staffs, because they got in your way when you wanted the staff to +use as a walking-stick. + +We stepped out like a man all of us, and kept it up as well as we could +in book-talk, and at first all was merry as a dinner-bell; but presently +Oswald, who was the "very perfect gentle knight," could not help +noticing that one of us was growing very silent and rather pale, like +people are when they have eaten something that disagrees with them +before they are quite sure of the fell truth. + +So he said, "What's up, Dentist, old man?" quite kindly and like a +perfect knight, though, of course, he was annoyed with Denny. It is +sickening when people turn pale in the middle of a game and everything +is spoiled, and you have to go home, and tell the spoiler how sorry you +are that he is knocked up, and pretend not to mind about the game being +spoiled. + +Denny said, "Nothing," but Oswald knew better. + +Then Alice said, "Let's rest a bit, Oswald, it _is_ hot." + +"Sir Oswald, if you please, Plain Pilgrim," returned her brother, +dignifiedly. "Remember I'm a knight." + +So then we sat down and had lunch, and Denny looked better. We played +adverbs, and twenty questions, and apprenticing your son, for a bit in +the shade, and then Dicky said it was time to set sail if we meant to +make the port of Canterbury that night. Of course, pilgrims reck not of +ports, but Dicky never does play the game thoughtfully. + +We went on. I believe we should have got to Canterbury all right and +quite early, only Denny got paler and paler, and presently Oswald saw, +beyond any doubt, that he was beginning to walk lame. + +"Shoes hurt you, Dentist?" he said, still with kind, striving +cheerfulness. + +"Not much--it's all right," returned the other. + +So on we went--but we were all a bit tired now--and the sun was hotter +and hotter; the clouds had gone away. We had to begin to sing to keep up +our spirits. We sang "The British Grenadiers" and "John Brown's Body," +which is grand to march to, and a lot of others. We were just starting +on "Tramp, tramp, tramp, the boys are marching," when Denny stopped +short. He stood first on one foot and then on the other, and suddenly +screwed up his face and put his knuckles in his eyes and sat down on a +heap of stones by the road-side. + +When we pulled his hands down he was actually crying. The author does +not wish to say it is babyish to cry. + +"Whatever is up?" we all asked, and Daisy and Dora petted him to get him +to say, but he only went on howling, and said it was nothing, only would +we go on and leave him, and call for him as we came back. + +Oswald thought very likely something had given Denny the stomach-ache, +and he did not like to say so before all of us, so he sent the others +away and told them to walk on a bit. + +Then he said, "Now, Denny, don't be a young ass. What is it? _Is_ it +stomach-ache?" + +And Denny stopped crying to say "No!" as loud as he could. + +"Well, then," Oswald said, "look here, you're spoiling the whole thing. +Don't be a jackape, Denny. What is it?" + +"You won't tell the others if I tell you?" + +"Not if you say not," Oswald answered in kindly tones. + +"Well, it's my shoes." + +"Take them off, man." + +"You won't laugh?" + +"NO!" cried Oswald, so impatiently that the others looked back to see +why he was shouting. He waved them away, and with humble gentleness +began to undo the black tape sandals. Denny let him, crying hard all the +time. + +When Oswald had got off the first shoe the mystery was made plain to +him. + +"Well! Of all the--," he said in proper indignation. + +Denny quailed--though he said he did not--but then he doesn't know what +quailing is, and if Denny did not quail then Oswald does not know what +quailing is either. + +For when Oswald took the shoe off he naturally chucked it down and gave +it a kick, and a lot of little pinky yellow things rolled out. And +Oswald looked closer at the interesting sight. And the little things +were _split pease_. + +"Perhaps you'll tell me," said the gentle knight, with the politeness of +despair, "why on earth you've played the goat like this?" + +"Oh, don't be angry," Denny said; and now his shoes were off, he curled +and uncurled his toes and stopped crying. "I _knew_ pilgrims put pease +in their shoes--and--oh, I wish you wouldn't laugh!" + +"I'm not," said Oswald, still with bitter politeness. + +"I didn't want to tell you I was going to, because I wanted to be better +than all of you, and I thought if you knew I was going to you'd want to +too, and you wouldn't when I said it first. So I just put some pease in +my pocket and dropped one or two at a time into my shoes when you +weren't looking." + +In his secret heart Oswald said, "Greedy young ass." For it _is_ greedy +to want to have more of anything than other people, even goodness. + +Outwardly Oswald said nothing. + +"You see," Denny went on,--"I do want to be good. And if pilgriming is +to do you good, you ought to do it properly. I shouldn't mind being +hurt in my feet if it would make me good for ever and ever. And besides, +I wanted to play the game thoroughly. You always say I don't." + +The breast of the kind Oswald was touched by these last words. + +"I think you're quite good enough," he said. "I'll fetch back the +others--no, they won't laugh." + +And we all went back to Denny, and the girls made a fuss with him. But +Oswald and Dicky were grave and stood aloof. They were old enough to see +that being good was all very well, but after all you had to get the boy +home somehow. + +When they said this, as agreeably as they could, Denny said: + +"It's all right--some one will give me a lift." + +"You think everything in the world can be put right with a lift," Dicky +said, and he did not speak lovingly. + +"So it can," said Denny, "when it's your feet. I shall easily get a lift +home." + +"Not here you won't," said Alice. "No one goes down this road; but the +high-road's just round the corner, where you see the telegraph wires." + +Dicky and Oswald made a sedan-chair and carried Denny to the high-road, +and we sat down in a ditch to wait. For a long time nothing went by but +a brewer's dray. We hailed it, of course, but the man was so sound +asleep that our hails were vain, and none of us thought soon enough +about springing like a flash to the horses' heads, though we all thought +of it directly the dray was out of sight. + +[Illustration: "A DOG-CART WITH A YOUNG LADY IN IT"] + +So we had to keep on sitting there by the dusty road, and more than one +pilgrim was heard to say it wished we had never come. Oswald was not one +of those who uttered this useless wish. + +At last, just when despair was beginning to eat into the vital parts of +even Oswald, there was a quick tap-tapping of horses' feet on the road, +and a dog-cart came in sight with a lady in it all alone. + +We hailed her like the desperate shipwrecked mariners in the long-boat +hail the passing sail. + +She pulled up. She was not a very old lady--twenty-five we found out +afterwards her age was--and she looked jolly. + +"Well," she said, "what's the matter?" + +"It's this poor little boy," Dora said, pointing to the Dentist, who had +gone to sleep in the dry ditch with his mouth open as usual. "His feet +hurt him so, and will you give him a lift?" + +"But why are you all rigged out like this?" asked the lady, looking at +our cockle-shells and sandals and things. + +We told her. + +"And how has he hurt his feet?" she asked. + +And we told her that. + +She looked very kind. "Poor little chap," she said. "Where do you want +to go?" + +We told her that too. We had no concealments from this lady. + +"Well," she said, "I have to go on to--what is its name?" + +"Canterbury," said H. O. + +"Well, yes, Canterbury," she said; "it's only about half a mile. I'll +take the poor little pilgrim--and, yes, the three girls. You boys must +walk. Then we'll have tea and see the sights, and I'll drive you +home--at least some of you. How will that do?" + +We thanked her very much indeed, and said it would do very nicely. + +Then we helped Denny into the cart, and the girls got up, and the red +wheels of the cart spun away through the dust. + +"I wish it had been an omnibus the lady was driving," said H. O., "then +we could all have had a ride." + +"Don't you be so discontented," Dicky said. + +And Noel said: + +"You ought to be jolly thankful you haven't got to carry Denny all the +way home on your back. You'd have had to if you'd been out alone with +him." + +When we got to Canterbury it was much smaller than we expected, and the +cathedral not much bigger than the church that is next to the Moat +House. There seemed to be only one big street, but we supposed the rest +of the city was hidden away somewhere. + +There was a large inn, with a green before it, and the red-wheeled +dog-cart was standing in the stable-yard, and the lady, with Denny and +the others, sitting on the benches in the porch looking out for us. The +inn was called the "George and Dragon," and it made me think of the +days when there were coaches and highwaymen and footpads and jolly +landlords, and adventures at country inns like you read about. + +"We've ordered tea," said the lady. "Would you like to wash your hands?" +We saw that she wished us to, so we said yes, we would. The girls and +Denny were already much cleaner than when we parted from them. + +There was a court-yard to the inn and a wooden staircase outside the +house. We were taken up this, and washed our hands in a big room with a +fourpost wooden bed and dark red hangings--just the sort of hangings +that would not show the stains of gore in the dear old adventurous +times. + +Then we had tea in a great big room with wooden chairs and tables, very +polished and old. + +It was very nice tea, with lettuces and cold meat and three kinds of +jam, as well as cake, and new bread, which we are not allowed at home. + +While tea was being had the lady talked to us. She was very kind. There +are two sorts of people in the world, besides others: one sort +understand what you're driving at and the other don't. This lady was the +one sort. + +After every one had had as much to eat as they could possibly want, the +lady said, "What was it you particularly wanted to see at Canterbury?" + +"The cathedral," Alice said, "and the place where Thomas a Becket was +murdered." + +"And the Danejohn," said Dicky. + +Oswald wanted to see the walls, because he likes the story of St. +Alphege and the Danes. + +"Well, well," said the lady, and she put on her hat; it was a really +sensible one--not a blob of fluffy stuff and feathers put on sideways +and stuck on with long pins, and no shade to your face, but almost as +big as ours, with a big brim and red flowers, and black strings to tie +under your chin to keep it from blowing off. + +Then we went out all together to see Canterbury. Dicky and Oswald took +it in turns to carry Denny on their backs. The lady called him "The +Wounded Comrade." + +We went first to the church. Oswald, whose quick brain was easily +aroused to suspicions, was afraid the lady might begin talking in the +church, but she did not. The church door was open. I remember mother +telling us once it was right and good for churches to be left open all +day, so that tired people could go in and be quiet, and say their +prayers if they wanted to. But it does not seem respectful to talk out +loud in church. (_See_ Note A.) + +When we got outside the lady said: "You can imagine how on the chancel +steps began the mad struggle in which Becket, after hurling one of his +assailants, armor and all, to the ground--" + +"It would have been much cleverer," H. O. interrupted, "to hurl him +without his armor, and leave that standing up." + +"Go on," said Alice and Oswald, when they had given H. O. a withering +glance. And the lady did go on. She told us all about Becket, and then +about St. Alphege, who had bones thrown at him till he died, because he +wouldn't tax his poor people to please the beastly rotten Danes. + +And Denny recited a piece of poetry he knows called "The Ballad of +Canterbury." + +It begins about Danish war-ships, snake-shaped, and ends about doing as +you'd be done by. It is long, but it has all the beef-bones in it, and +all about St. Alphege. + +Then the lady showed us the Danejohn, and it was like an oast-house. And +Canterbury walls that Alphege defied the Danes from looked down on a +quite common farmyard. The hospital was like a barn, and other things +were like other things, but we went all about and enjoyed it very much. +The lady was quite amusing, besides sometimes talking like a real +cathedral guide I met afterwards. (_See_ Note B.) When at last we said +we thought Canterbury was very small considering, the lady said: + +"Well, it seemed a pity to come so far and not at least _hear_ something +about Canterbury." + +And then at once we knew the worst, and Alice said: + +"What a horrid sell!" + +But Oswald, with immediate courteousness, said: + +"I don't care. You did it awfully well." + +And he did not say, though he owns he thought of it: + +"I knew it all the time," though it was a great temptation. Because +really it was more than half true. He had felt from the first that this +was too small for Canterbury. (_See_ Note C.) + +The real name of the place was Hazelbridge, and not Canterbury at all. +We went to Canterbury another time. (_See_ Note D.) + +We were not angry with the lady for selling us about it being +Canterbury, because she had really kept it up first-rate. And she asked +us if we minded, very handsomely, and we said we liked it. But now we +did not care how soon we got home. The lady saw this, and said: + +"Come, our chariots are ready, and our horses caparisoned." + +That is a first-rate word out of a book. It cheered Oswald up, and he +liked her for using it, though he wondered why she said chariots. When +we got back to the inn I saw her dog-cart was there, and a grocer's cart +too, with B. Munn, grocer, Hazelbridge, on it. She took the girls in her +cart, and the boys went with the grocer. His horse was a very good one +to go, only you had to hit it with the wrong end of the whip. But the +cart was very bumpety. + +The evening dews were falling--at least, I suppose so, but you do not +feel dew in a grocer's cart--when we reached home. We all thanked the +lady very much, and said we hoped we should see her again some day. She +said she hoped so. + +The grocer drove off, and when we had all shaken hands with the lady and +kissed her, according as we were boys or girls, or little boys, she +touched up her horse and drove away. + +She turned at the corner to wave to us, and just as we had done waving, +and were turning into the house, Albert's uncle came into our midst like +a whirling wind. He was in flannels, and his shirt had no stud in at the +neck, and his hair was all rumpled up and his hands were inky, and we +knew he had left off in the middle of a chapter by the wildness of his +eye. + +"Who was that lady?" he said. "Where did you meet her?" + +Mindful, as ever, of what he was told, Oswald began to tell the story +from the beginning. + +"The other day, protector of the poor," he began, "Dora and I were +reading about the Canterbury pilgrims--" + +Oswald thought Albert's uncle would be pleased to find his instructions +about beginning at the beginning had borne fruit, but instead he +interrupted. + +"Stow it, you young duffer! Where did you meet her?" + +Oswald answered briefly, in wounded accents, "Hazelbridge." + +Then Albert's uncle rushed up-stairs three at a time, and as he went he +called out to Oswald: + +"Get out my bike, old man, and blow up the back tire." + +I am sure Oswald was as quick as any one could have been, but long ere +the tire was thoroughly blowed Albert's uncle appeared, with a +collar-stud and tie and blazer, and his hair tidy, and wrenched the +unoffending machine from Oswald's surprised fingers. + +Albert's uncle finished pumping up the tire, and then, flinging himself +into the saddle, he set off, scorching down the road at a pace not +surpassed by any highwayman, however black and high-mettled his steed. + +We were left looking at each other. + +"He must have recognized her," Dicky said. + +"Perhaps," Noel said, "she is the old nurse who alone knows the dark +secret of his high-born birth." + +"Not old enough, by chalks," Oswald said. + +"I shouldn't wonder," said Alice, "if she holds the secret of the will +that will make him rolling in long-lost wealth." + +"I wonder if he'll catch her," Noel said. "I'm quite certain all his +future depends on it. Perhaps she's his long-lost sister, and the estate +was left to them equally, only she couldn't be found, so it couldn't be +shared up." + +"Perhaps he's only in love with her," Dora said; "parted by cruel fate +at an early age, he has ranged the wide world ever since trying to find +her." + +"I hope to goodness he hasn't--anyway, he's not ranged since we knew +him--never farther than Hastings," Oswald said. "We don't want any of +that rot." + +"What rot?" Daisy asked. And Oswald said: + +"Getting married, and all that sort of rubbish." + +And Daisy and Dora were the only ones that didn't agree with him. Even +Alice owned that being bridesmaids must be fairly good fun. It's no +good. You may treat girls as well as you like, and give them every +comfort and luxury, and play fair just as if they were boys, but there +is something unmanly about the best of girls. They go silly, like milk +goes sour, without any warning. + +When Albert's uncle returned he was very hot, with a beaded brow, but +pale as the Dentist when the pease were at their worst. + +"Did you catch her?" H. O. asked. + +Albert's uncle's brow looked black as the cloud the thunder will +presently break from. + +"No," he said. + +"Is she your long-lost nurse?" H. O. went on, before we could stop him. + +"Long-lost grandmother! I knew the lady long ago in India," said +Albert's uncle, as he left the room, slamming the door in a way we +should be forbidden to. + +And that was the end of the Canterbury Pilgrimage. + +As for the lady, we did not then know whether she was his long-lost +grandmother that he had known in India or not, though we thought she +seemed youngish for the part. We found out afterwards whether she was or +not, but that comes in another part. His manner was not the one that +makes you go on asking questions. + +The Canterbury Pilgriming did not exactly make us good, but then, as +Dora said, we had not done anything wrong that day. So we were +twenty-four hours to the good. + + * * * * * + +_Note A._--Afterwards we went and saw real Canterbury. It is very large. +A disagreeable man showed us round the cathedral, and jawed all the time +quite loud as if it wasn't a church. I remember one thing he said. It +was this: + +"This is the Dean's Chapel; it was the Lady Chapel in the wicked days +when people used to worship the Virgin Mary." + +And H. O. said, "I suppose they worship the Dean now?" + +Some strange people who were there laughed out loud. I think this is +worse in church than not taking your cap off when you come in, as H. O. +forgot to do, because the cathedral was so big he didn't think it was a +church. + +_Note B._ (_See_ Note C.) + +_Note C._ (_See_ Note D.) + +_Note D._ (_See_ Note E.) + +_Note E._ (_See_ Note A.) + +This ends the Canterbury Pilgrims. + + + + +THE DRAGON'S TEETH; OR ARMY-SEED + + +Albert's uncle was out on his bicycle as usual. After the day when we +became Canterbury Pilgrims and were brought home in the dog-cart with +red wheels by the lady he told us was his long-lost grandmother he had +known years ago in India, he spent not nearly so much of his time in +writing, and he used to shave every morning instead of only when +requisite, as in earlier days. And he was always going out on his +bicycle in his new Norfolk suit. We are not so unobserving as grown-up +people make out. We knew well enough he was looking for the long-lost. +And we jolly well wished he might find her. Oswald, always full of +sympathy with misfortune, however undeserved, had himself tried several +times to find the lady. So had the others. But all this is what they +call a digression; it has nothing to do with the dragon's teeth I am now +narrating. + +It began with the pig dying--it was the one we had for the circus, but +it having behaved so badly that day had nothing to do with its illness +and death, though the girls said they felt remorse, and perhaps if we +hadn't made it run so that day it might have been spared to us. But +Oswald cannot pretend that people were right just because they happen to +be dead, and as long as that pig was alive we all knew well enough that +it was it that made us run--and not us it. + +The pig was buried in the kitchen garden. Bill, that we made the +tombstone for, dug the grave, and while he was away at his dinner we +took a turn at digging, because we like to be useful, and besides, when +you dig you never know what you may turn up. I knew a man once that +found a gold ring on the point of his fork when he was digging potatoes, +and you know how we found two half-crowns ourselves once when we were +digging for treasure. + +Oswald was taking his turn with the spade, and the others were sitting +on the gravel and telling him how to do it. + +"Work with a will," Dicky said, yawning. + +Alice said: "I wish we were in a book. People in books never dig without +finding something. I think I'd rather it was a secret passage than +anything." + +Oswald stopped to wipe his honest brow ere replying. + +"A secret's nothing when you've found it out. Look at the secret +staircase. It's no good, not even for hide-and-seek, because of its +squeaking. I'd rather have the pot of gold we used to dig for when we +were little." It was really only last year, but you seem to grow old +very quickly after you have once passed the prime of your youth, which +is at ten, I believe. + +"How would you like to find the mouldering bones of Royalist soldiers +foully done to death by nasty Ironsides?" Noel asked, with his mouth +full of plum. + +"If they were really dead it wouldn't matter," Dora said. "What I'm +afraid of is a skeleton that can walk about and catch at your legs when +you're going up-stairs to bed." + +"Skeletons can't walk," Alice said in a hurry; "you know they can't, +Dora." + +And she glared at Dora till she made her sorry she had said what she +had. The things you are frightened of, or even those you would rather +not meet in the dark, should never be mentioned before the little ones, +or else they cry when it comes to bedtime, and say it was because of +what you said. + +"We sha'n't find anything. No jolly fear," said Dicky. + +And just then my spade I was digging with struck on something hard, and +it felt hollow. I did really think for one joyful space that we had +found that pot of gold. But the thing, whatever it was, seemed to be +longish; longer, that is, than a pot of gold would naturally be. And as +I uncovered it I saw that it was not at all pot-of-gold-color, but like +a bone Pincher has buried. So Oswald said: + +"It _is_ the skeleton." + +The girls all drew back, and Alice said, "Oswald, I wish you wouldn't." + +A moment later the discovery was unearthed, and Oswald lifted it up with +both hands. + +"It's a dragon's head," Noel said, and it certainly looked like it. It +was long and narrowish and bony, and with great yellow teeth sticking in +the jaw. + +Bill came back just then and said it was a horse's head, but H. O. and +Noel would not believe it, and Oswald owns that no horse he has ever +seen had a head at all that shape. + +But Oswald did not stop to argue, because he saw a keeper who showed me +how to set snares going by, and he wanted to talk to him about ferrets, +so he went off, and Dicky and Denny and Alice with him. Also Daisy and +Dora went off to finish reading _Ministering Children_. So H. O. and +Noel were left with the bony head. They took it away. + +The incident had quite faded from the mind of Oswald next day. But just +before breakfast Noel and H. O. came in, looking hot and anxious. They +had got up early and had not washed at all--not even their hands and +faces. Noel made Oswald a secret signal. All the others saw it, and with +proper delicate feeling pretended not to have. + +When Oswald had gone out with Noel and H. O., in obedience to the secret +signal, Noel said: + +"You know that dragon's head yesterday?" + +"Well?" Oswald said, quickly, but not crossly--the two things are quite +different. + +"Well, you know what happened in Greek history when some chap sowed +dragon's teeth?" + +"They came up armed men," said H. O.; but Noel sternly bade him shut up, +and Oswald said "Well," again. If he spoke impatiently it was because he +smelled the bacon being taken in to breakfast. + +"Well," Noel went on, "what do you suppose would have come up if we'd +sowed those dragon's teeth we found yesterday?" + +"Why, nothing, you young duffer," said Oswald, who could now smell the +coffee. "All that isn't History--it's Humbug. Come on in to brekker." + +"It's _not_ humbug," H. O. cried, "it _is_ history. We _did_ sow--" + +"Shut up," said Noel again. "Look here, Oswald. We did sow those +dragon's teeth in Randall's ten-acre meadow, and what do you think has +come up?" + +"Toadstools, I should think," was Oswald's contemptible rejoinder. + +"They have come up a camp of soldiers," said Noel--"_armed men_. So you +see it _was_ history. We have sowed army-seed, just like Cadmus, and it +has come up. It was a very wet night. I dare say that helped it along." + +Oswald could not decide which to disbelieve--his brother or his ears. So +disguising his doubtful emotions without a word, he led the way to the +bacon and the banqueting hall. + +He said nothing about the army-seed then, neither did Noel and H. O. +But after the bacon we went into the garden, and then the good elder +brother said: + +"Why don't you tell the others your cock-and-bull story?" + +So they did, and their story was received with warm expressions of +doubt. It was Dicky who observed: + +"Let's go and have a squint at Randall's ten-acre, anyhow. I saw a hare +there the other day." + +We went. It is some little way, and as we went disbelief reigned superb +in every breast except Noel's and H. O.'s, so you will see that even the +ready pen of the present author cannot be expected to describe to you +his variable sensations when he got to the top of the hill and suddenly +saw that his little brothers had spoken the truth. I do not mean that +they generally tell lies, but people make mistakes sometimes and the +effect is the same as lies if you believe them. + +There _was_ a camp there with real tents and soldiers in gray and red +tunics. I dare say the girls would have said coats. We stood in ambush, +too astonished even to think of lying in it, though of course we know +that this is customary. The ambush was the wood on top of the little +hill, between Randall's ten-acre meadow and Sugden's Waste Wake pasture. + +"There would be cover here for a couple of regiments," whispered Oswald, +who was, I think, gifted by Fate with the far-seeingness of a born +general. + +Alice merely said "Hist," and we went down to mingle with the troops as +though by accident, and seek for information. + +The first man we came to at the edge of the camp was cleaning a sort of +cauldron thing like witches brew bats in. + +We went up to him and said, "Who are you? Are you English, or are you +the enemy?" + +"We're the enemy," he said, and he did not seem ashamed of being what he +was. And he spoke English with quite a good accent for a foreigner. + +"The enemy!" Oswald echoed, in shocked tones. It is a terrible thing to +a loyal and patriotic youth to see an enemy cleaning a pot in an English +field, with English sand, and looking as much at home as if he was in +his foreign fastnesses. + +The enemy seemed to read Oswald's thoughts with deadly unerringness. He +said: + +"The English are somewhere over on the other side of the hill. They are +trying to keep us out of Maidstone." + +After this our plan of mingling with the troops did not seem worth going +on with. This soldier, in spite of his unerringness in reading Oswald's +inmost heart, seemed not so very sharp in other things, or he would +never have given away his secret plans like this, for he must have known +from our accents that we were Britons to the backbone. Or perhaps +(Oswald thought this, and it made his blood at once boil and freeze, +which our uncle had told us was possible, but only in India), perhaps he +thought that Maidstone was already as good as taken and it didn't +matter what he said. While Oswald was debating within his intellect what +to say next, and how to say it so as to discover as many as possible of +the enemy's dark secrets, Noel said: + +"How did you get here? You weren't here yesterday at tea-time." + +The soldier gave the pot another sandy rub, and said: + +"I dare say it does seem quick work--the camp seems as if it had sprung +up in the night, doesn't it?--like a mushroom." + +Alice and Oswald looked at each other, and then at the rest of us. The +words "_sprung up in the night_" seemed to touch a string in every +heart. + +"You see," whispered Noel, "he won't tell us how he came here. _Now_, is +it humbug or history?" + +Oswald, after whisperedly requesting his young brother to dry up and not +bother, remarked: + +"Then you're an invading army?" + +"Well," said the soldier, "we're a skeleton battalion, as a matter of +fact, but we're invading all right enough." + +And now indeed the blood of the stupidest of us froze, just as the +quick-witted Oswald's had done earlier in the interview. Even H. O. +opened his mouth and went the color of mottled soap; he is so fat that +this is the nearest he can go to turning pale. + +Denny said, "But you don't look like skeletons." + +The soldier stared, then he laughed and said: "Ah, that's the padding +in our tunics. You should see us in the gray dawn taking our morning +bath in a bucket." + +It was a dreadful picture for the imagination. A skeleton, with its +bones all loose most likely, bathing anyhow in a pail. There was a +silence while we thought it over. + +Now, ever since the cleaning-cauldron soldier had said that about taking +Maidstone, Alice had kept on pulling at Oswald's jacket behind, and he +had kept on not taking any notice. But now he could not stand it any +longer, so he said, "Well, what is it?" + +Alice drew him aside, or rather, she pulled at his jacket so that he +nearly fell over backwards, and then she whispered, "Come along, don't +stay parleying with the foe. He's only talking to you to gain time." + +"What for?" said Oswald. + +"Why, so that we shouldn't warn the other army, you silly," Alice said, +and Oswald was so upset by what she said that he forgot to be properly +angry with her for the wrong word she used. + +"But we ought to warn them at home," she said; "suppose the Moat House +was burned down, and all the supplies commandeered for the foe?" + +Alice turned boldly to the soldier. "_Do_ you burn down farms?" she +asked. + +"Well, not as a rule," he said, and he had the cheek to wink at Oswald, +but Oswald would not look at him. "We've not burned a farm since--oh, +not for years." + +"A farm in Greek history it was, I expect," Denny murmured. + +"Civilized warriors do not burn farms nowadays," Alice said, sternly, +"whatever they did in Greek times. You ought to know that." + +The soldier said things had changed a good deal since Greek times. So we +said good-morning as quickly as we could: it is proper to be polite even +to your enemy, except just at the moments when it has really come to +rifles and bayonets or other weapons. + +The soldier said, "So long!" in quite a modern voice, and we retraced +our footsteps in silence to the ambush--I mean the wood. Oswald did +think of lying in the ambush then, but it was rather wet, because of the +rain the night before, that H. O. said had brought the army-seed up. And +Alice walked very fast, saying nothing but "Hurry up, can't you!" and +dragging H. O. by one hand and Noel by the other. So we got into the +road. + +Then Alice faced round and said, "This is all our fault. If we hadn't +sowed those dragon's teeth there wouldn't have been any invading army." + +I am sorry to say Daisy said, "Never mind, Alice, dear. _We_ didn't sow +the nasty things, did we, Dora?" + +But Denny told her it was just the same. It was _we_ had done it, so +long as it was any of us, especially if it got any of us into trouble. +Oswald was very pleased to see that the Dentist was beginning to +understand the meaning of true manliness, and about the honor of the +house of Bastable, though of course he is only a Foulkes. Yet it is +something to know he does his best to learn. + +If you are very grown-up, or very clever, I dare say you will now have +thought of a great many things. If you have you need not say anything, +especially if you're reading this aloud to anybody. It's no good putting +in what you think in this part, because none of us thought anything of +the kind at the time. + +We simply stood in the road without any of your clever thoughts, filled +with shame and distress to think of what might happen owing to the +dragon's teeth being sown. It was a lesson to us never to sow seed +without being quite sure what sort it is. This is particularly true of +the penny packets, which sometimes do not come up at all, quite unlike +dragon's teeth. + +Of course H. O. and Noel were more unhappy than the rest of us. This was +only fair. + +"How can we possibly prevent their getting to Maidstone?" Dicky said. +"Did you notice the red cuffs on their uniforms? Taken from the bodies +of dead English soldiers, I shouldn't wonder." + +"If they're the old Greek kind of dragon's-teeth soldiers they ought to +fight each other to death," Noel said; "at least, if we had a helmet to +throw among them." + +But none of us had, and it was decided that it would be no use for H. +O. to go back and throw his straw hat at them, though he wanted to. + +Denny said, suddenly: + +"Couldn't we alter the sign-posts, so that they wouldn't know the way to +Maidstone?" + +Oswald saw that this was the time for true generalship to be shown. He +said: + +"Fetch all the tools out of your chest--Dicky go too, there's a good +chap, and don't let him cut his legs with the saw." He did once, +tumbling over it. "Meet us at the cross-roads, you know, where we had +the Benevolent Bar. Courage and despatch, and look sharp about it." + +When they had gone we hastened to the cross-roads, and there a great +idea occurred to Oswald. He used the forces at his command so ably that +in a very short time the board in the field which says "No thoroughfare. +Trespassers will be prosecuted" was set up in the middle of the road to +Maidstone. We put stones, from a heap by the road, behind it to make it +stand up. + +Then Dicky and Denny came back, and Dicky shinned up the sign-post and +sawed off the two arms, and we nailed them up wrong, so that it said "To +Maidstone" on the Dover Road, and "To Dover" on the road to Maidstone. +We decided to leave the Trespassers board on the real Maidstone road, as +an extra guard. + +Then we settled to start at once to warn Maidstone. + +Some of us did not want the girls to go, but it would have been unkind +to say so. However, there was at least one breast that felt a pang of +joy when Dora and Daisy gave out that they would rather stay where they +were and tell anybody who came by which was the real road. + +"Because it would be so dreadful if some one was going to buy pigs or +fetch a doctor or anything in a hurry and then found they had got to +Dover instead of where they wanted to go to," Dora said. But when it +came to dinner-time they went home, so that they were entirely out of +it. This often happens to them by some strange fatalism. + +We left Martha to take care of the two girls, and Lady and Pincher went +with us. It was getting late in the day, but I am bound to remember no +one said anything about their dinners, whatever they may have thought. +We cannot always help our thoughts. We happened to know it was roast +rabbits and currant jelly that day. + +We walked two and two, and sang the "British Grenadiers" and "Soldiers +of the Queen" so as to be as much part of the British army as possible. +The Cauldron-Man had said the English were the other side of the hill. +But we could not see any scarlet anywhere, though we looked for it as +carefully as if we had been fierce bulls. + +But suddenly we went round a turn in the road and came plump into a lot +of soldiers. Only they were not red-coats. They were dressed in gray and +silver. And it was a sort of furzy-common place, and three roads +branching out. The men were lying about, with some of their belts +undone, smoking pipes and cigarettes. + +"It's not British soldiers," Alice said. "Oh, dear, oh, dear, I'm afraid +it's more enemy. You didn't sow the army-seed anywhere else, did you, H. +O., dear?" + +H. O. was positive he hadn't. "But perhaps lots more came up where we +did sow them," he said; "they're all over England by now, very likely. +_I_ don't know how many men can grow out of one dragon's tooth." + +Then Noel said, "It was my doing, anyhow, and I'm not afraid," and he +walked straight up to the nearest soldier, who was cleaning his pipe +with a piece of grass, and said: + +"Please, are you the enemy?" The man said: + +"No, young commander-in-chief, we're the English." + +Then Oswald took command. + +"Where is the general?" he said. + +"We're out of generals just now, field-marshal," the man said, and his +voice was a gentleman's voice. "Not a single one in stock. We might suit +you in majors now--and captains are quite cheap. Competent corporals +going for a song. And we have a very nice colonel, too--quiet to ride or +drive." + +Oswald does not mind chaff at proper times. But this was not one. + +"You seem to be taking it very easy," he said, with disdainful +expression. + +"This _is_ an easy," said the gray soldier, sucking at his pipe to see +if it would draw. + +"I suppose _you_ don't care if the enemy gets into Maidstone or not!" +exclaimed Oswald, bitterly. "If I were a soldier I'd rather die than be +beaten." + +The soldier saluted. "Good old patriotic sentiment," he said, smiling at +the heartfelt boy. But Oswald could bear no more. + +"Which is the colonel?" he asked. + +"Over there--near the gray horse." + +"The one lighting a cigarette?" H. O. asked. + +"Yes--but I say, kiddie, he won't stand any jaw. There's not an ounce of +vice about him, but he's peppery. He might kick out. You'd better bunk." + +"Better what?" asked H. O. + +"Bunk, bottle, scoot, skip, vanish, exit," said the soldier. + +"That's what you'd do when the fighting begins," said H. O. He is often +rude like that--but it was what we all thought, all the same. The +soldier only laughed. + +A spirited but hasty altercation among ourselves in whispers ended in +our allowing Alice to be the one to speak to the colonel. It was she who +wanted to. "However peppery he is he won't kick a girl," she said, and +perhaps this was true. + +But of course we all went with her. So there were six of us to stand in +front of the colonel. And as we went along we agreed that we would +salute him on the word three. So when we got near, Dick said, "One, +two, three," and we all saluted very well--except H. O., who chose that +minute to trip over a rifle a soldier had left lying about, and was only +saved from falling by a man in a cocked hat who caught him deftly by the +back of his jacket and stood him up on his legs. + +"Let go, can't you," said H. O. "Are you the general?" + +Before the Cocked Hat had time to frame a reply, Alice spoke to the +colonel. I knew what she meant to say, because she had told me as we +threaded our way among the resting soldiery. What she really said was: + +"Oh, how _can_ you!" + +"How can I _what_?" said the colonel, rather crossly. + +"Why, _smoke_?" said Alice. + +"My good children, if you're an infant Band of Hope, let me recommend +you to play in some other back yard," said the Cocked-Hatted Man. + +H. O. said, "Band of Hope yourself"--but no one noticed it. + +"We're _not_ a Band of Hope," said Noel. "We're British, and the man +over there told us you are. And Maidstone's in danger, and the enemy not +a mile off, and you stand _smoking_." Noel was standing crying, himself, +or something very like it. + +"It's quite true," Alice said. + +The colonel said, "Fiddle de dee." + +But the Cocked-Hatted Man said, "What was the enemy like?" + +[Illustration: "SO WE LED HIM ALONG TO THE AMBUSH"] + +We told him exactly. And even the colonel then owned there might be +something in it. + +"Can you show me the place where they are on the map?" he asked. + +"Not on the map, we can't," said Dicky; "at least, I don't think so, but +on the ground we could. We could take you there in a quarter of an +hour." + +The Cocked-Hatted One looked at the colonel, who returned his scrutiny; +then he shrugged his shoulders. + +"Well, we've got to do something," he said, as if to himself. "Lead on, +Macduff!" + +The colonel roused his soldiery from their stupor of pipes by words of +command which the present author is sorry he can't remember. + +Then he bade us boys lead the way. I tell you it felt fine, marching at +the head of a regiment. Alice got a lift on the Cocked-Hatted One's +horse. It was a red-roan steed of might, exactly as if it had been in a +ballad. They call a gray-roan a "blue" in South Africa, the +Cocked-Hatted One said. + +We led the British army by unfrequented lanes till we got to the gate of +Sugden's Waste Wake pasture. Then the colonel called a whispered halt, +and choosing two of us to guide him, the dauntless and discerning +commander went on, on foot, with an orderly. He chose Dicky and Oswald +as guides. So we led him to the ambush, and we went through it as +quietly as we could. But twigs do crackle and snap so when you are +reconnoitring, or anxious to escape detection for whatever reason. + +Our Colonel's orderly crackled most. If you're not near enough to tell a +colonel by the crown and stars on his shoulder-strap, you can tell him +by the orderly behind him, like "follow my leader." + +"Look out!" said Oswald in a low but commanding whisper, "the camp's +down in that field. You can see if you take a squint through this gap." + +The speaker took a squint himself as he spoke, and drew back, baffled +beyond the power of speech. While he was struggling with his baffledness +the British Colonel had his squint. He also drew back, and said a word +that he must have known was not right--at least when he was a boy. + +"I don't care," said Oswald, "they were there this morning. White tents +like mushrooms, and an enemy cleaning a caldron." + +"With sand," said Dicky. + +"That's most convincing," said the Colonel, and I did not like the way +he said it. + +"I say," Oswald said, "let's get to the top corner of the ambush--the +wood, I mean. You can see the cross-roads from there." + +We did, and quickly, for the crackling of branches no longer dismayed +our almost despairing spirits. + +We came to the edge of the wood, and Oswald's patriotic heart really did +give a jump, and he cried, "There they are, on the Dover Road." + +Our miscellaneous sign-board had done its work. + +"By Jove, young un, you're right! And in quarter column, too! We've got +'em on toast--on toast, egad!" + +I never heard any one not in a book say "egad" before, so I saw +something really out of the way was indeed up. + +The Colonel was a man of prompt and decisive action. He sent the orderly +to tell the Major to advance two companies on the left flank and take +cover. Then we led him back through the wood the nearest way, because he +said he must rejoin the main body at once. We found the main body Very +friendly with Noel and H. O. and the others, and Alice was talking to +the Cocked-Hatted One as if she had known him all her life. "I think +he's a general in disguise," Noel said. "He's been giving us chocolate +out of a pocket in his saddle." Oswald thought about the roast rabbit +then--and he is not ashamed to own it--yet he did not say a word. But +Alice is really not a bad sort. She had saved two bars of chocolate for +him and Dicky. Even in war girls can sometimes be useful in their humble +way. + +The Colonel fussed about and said, "Take cover there!" and everybody hid +in the ditch, and the horses and the Cocked Hat, with Alice, retreated +down the road out of sight. We were in the ditch too. It was muddy--but +nobody thought of their boots in that perilous moment. It seemed a long +time we were crouching there. Oswald began to feel the water squelching +in his boots; so we held our breath and listened. Oswald laid his ear +to the road like a Red Indian. You would not do this in time of peace, +but when your county is in danger you care but little about keeping your +ears clean. His backwoods strategy was successful. He rose and dusted +himself and said: + +"They're coming!" + +It was true. The footsteps of the approaching foe were now to be heard +quite audibly, even by ears in their natural position. The wicked enemy +approached. They were marching with a careless swaggeringness that +showed how little they suspected the horrible doom which was about to +teach them England's might and supremeness. Just as the enemy turned the +corner so that we could see them, the Colonel shouted: + +"Right section, fire!" and there was a deafening banging. + +The enemy's officer said something, and then the enemy got confused and +tried to get into the fields through the hedges. But all was vain. There +was firing now from our men, on the left as well as the right. And then +our Colonel strode nobly up to the enemy's Colonel and demanded +surrender. He told me so afterwards. His exact words are only known to +himself and the other Colonel. But the enemy's Colonel said, "I would +rather die than surrender," or words to that effect. + +Our Colonel returned to his men and gave the order to fix bayonets, and +even Oswald felt his manly cheek turn pale at the thought of the amount +of blood about to be shed. What would have happened can never now be +revealed. For at this moment a man on a piebald horse came clattering +over a hedge--as carelessly as if the air was not full of lead and steel +at all. Another man rode behind him with a lance and a red pennon on it. +I think he must have been the enemy's General coming to tell his men not +to throw away their lives on a forlorn hope, for directly he said they +were captured the enemy gave in and owned that they were. The enemy's +Colonel saluted and ordered his men to form quarter column again. I +should have thought he would have had about enough of that myself. + +He had now given up all thought of sullen resistance to the bitter end. +He rolled a cigarette for himself, and had the foreign cheek to say to +our Colonel: + +"By Jove, old man, you got me clean that time! Your scouts seem to have +marked us down uncommonly neatly." + +It was a proud moment when our Colonel laid his military hand on +Oswald's shoulder and said: + +"This is my chief scout," which were high words, but not undeserved, and +Oswald owns he felt red with gratifying pride when he heard them. + +"So you are the traitor, young man," said the wicked Colonel, going on +with his cheek. + +Oswald bore it because our Colonel had, and you should be generous to a +fallen foe, but it is hard to be called a traitor when you haven't. + +He did not treat the wicked Colonel with silent scorn as he might have +done, but he said: + +"We aren't traitors. We are the Bastables and one of us is a Foulkes. We +only mingled unsuspected with the enemy's soldiery and learned the +secret of their acts, which is what Baden-Powell always does when the +natives rebel in South Africa; and Denis Foulkes thought of altering the +sign-posts to lead the foe astray. And if we did cause all this +fighting, and get Maidstone threatened with capture and all that, it was +only because we didn't believe Greek things could happen in Great +Britain and Ireland, even if you sow dragon's teeth, and besides, some +of us were not asked about sowing them." + +Then the Cocked-Hatted One led his horse and walked with us and made us +tell him all about it, and so did the Colonel. The wicked Colonel +listened too, which was only another proof of his cheek. + +And Oswald told the tale in the modest yet manly way that some people +think he has, and gave the others all the credit they deserved. His +narration was interrupted no less than four times by shouts of "Bravo!" +in which the enemy's Colonel once more showed his cheek by joining. By +the time the story was told we were in sight of another camp. It was the +British one this time. The Colonel asked us to have tea in his tent, and +it only shows the magnanimosity of English chivalry in the field of +battle that he asked the enemy's Colonel too. With his usual cheek he +accepted. We were jolly hungry. + +When every one had had as much tea as they possibly could, the Colonel +shook hands with us all, and to Oswald he said: + +"Well, good-bye, my brave scout. I must mention your name in my +despatches to the War Office." + +H. O. interrupted him to say, "His name's Oswald Cecil Bastable, and +mine is Horace Octavius." I wish H. O. would learn to hold his tongue. +No one ever knows Oswald was christened Cecil as well, if he can +possibly help it. _You_ didn't know it till now. + +"Mr. Oswald Bastable," the Colonel went on--he had the decency not to +take any notice of the "Cecil"--"you would be a credit to any regiment. +No doubt the War Office will reward you properly for what you have done +for your country. But meantime, perhaps, you'll accept five shillings +from a grateful comrade-in-arms." + +Oswald felt heart-feltly sorry to wound the good Colonel's feelings, but +he had to remark that he had only done his duty, and he was sure no +British scout would take five bob for doing that. "And besides," he +said, with that feeling of justice which is part of his young character, +"it was the others just as much as me." + +"Your sentiments, sir," said the Colonel, who was one of the politest +and most discerning colonels I ever saw, "your sentiments do you honor. +But, Bastables all, and--and non-Bastables" (he couldn't remember +Foulkes; it's not such an interesting name as Bastable, of course), "at +least you'll accept a soldier's pay?" + +"Lucky to touch it, a shilling a day!" Alice and Denny said together. +And the Cocked-Hatted Man said something about knowing your own mind and +knowing your own Kipling. + +"A soldier," said the Colonel, "would certainly be lucky to touch it. +You see there are deductions for rations. Five shillings is exactly +right, deducting twopence each for six teas." + +This seemed cheap for the three cups of tea and the three eggs and all +the strawberry-jam and bread-and-butter Oswald had had, as well as what +the others ate, and Lady's and Pincher's teas, but I suppose soldiers +get things cheaper than civilians, which is only right. + +Oswald took the five shillings then, there being no longer any scruples +why he should not. + +Just as we had parted from the brave Colonel and the rest we saw a +bicycle coming. It was Albert's uncle. He got off and said: + +"What on earth have you been up to? What were you doing with those +volunteers?" + +We told him the wild adventures of the day, and he listened, and then he +said he would withdraw the word volunteers if we liked. + +But the seeds of doubt were sown in the breast of Oswald. He was now +almost sure that we had made jolly fools of ourselves without a moment's +pause throughout the whole of this eventful day. He said nothing at the +time, but after supper he had it out with Albert's uncle about the word +which had been withdrawn. + +Albert's uncle said, of course, no one could be sure that the dragon's +teeth hadn't come up in the good old-fashioned way, but that, on the +other hand, it was barely possible that both the British and the enemy +were only volunteers having a field-day or sham fight, and he rather +thought the Cocked-Hatted Man was not a general, but a doctor. And the +man with a red pennon carried behind him _might_ have been the umpire. + +Oswald never told the others a word of this. Their young breasts were +all panting with joy because they had saved their country; and it would +have been but heartless unkindness to show them how silly they had been. +Besides, Oswald felt he was much too old to have been so taken in--if he +_had_ been. Besides, Albert's uncle did say that no one could be sure +about the dragon's teeth. + +The thing that makes Oswald feel most that, perhaps, the whole thing was +a beastly sell was that we didn't see any wounded. But he tries not to +think of this. And if he goes into the army when he grows up, he will +not go quite green. He has had experience of the arts of war and the +tented field. And a real colonel has called him "Comrade-in-Arms," which +is exactly what Lord Roberts called his own soldiers when he wrote home +about them. + + + + +ALBERT'S UNCLE'S GRANDMOTHER; OR, THE LONG-LOST + + +The shadow of the termination now descended in sable thunder-clouds upon +our devoted nobs. As Albert's uncle said, "School now gaped for its +prey." In a very short space of time we should be wending our way back +to Blackheath, and all the variegated delightfulness of the country +would soon be only preserved in memory's faded flowers. (I don't care +for that way of writing very much. It would be an awful swat to keep it +up--looking out the words and all that.) + +To speak in the language of every-day life, our holiday was jolly nearly +up. We had had a ripping time, but it was all but over. We really did +feel sorry--though, of course, it was rather decent to think of getting +back to father and being able to tell the other chaps about our raft, +and the dam, and the Tower of Mystery, and things like that. + +When but a brief time was left to us, Oswald and Dicky met by chance in +an apple-tree. (That sounds like "consequences," but it is mere +truthfulness.) Dicky said: + +"Only four more days." Oswald said, "Yes." + +[Illustration: THE COUNCIL IN THE APPLE-TREE] + +"There's one thing," Dicky said, "that beastly society. We don't want +that swarming all over everything when we get home. We ought to dissolve +it before we leave here." + +The following dialogue now took place: + +_Oswald_--"Right you are. I always said it was piffling rot." + +_Dicky_--"So did I." + +_Oswald_--"Let's call a council. But don't forget we've jolly well got +to put our foot down." + +Dicky assented, and the dialogue concluded with apples. + +The council, when called, was in but low spirits. This made Oswald's and +Dicky's task easier. When people are sunk in gloomy despair about one +thing, they will agree to almost anything about something else. (Remarks +like this are called philosophic generalizations, Albert's uncle says.) +Oswald began by saying: + +"We've tried the society for being good in, and perhaps it's done us +good. But now the time has come for each of us to be good or bad on his +own, without hanging on to the others." + + "The race is run by one and one, + But never by two and two," + +the Dentist said. The others said nothing. Oswald went on: "I move that +we chuck--I mean dissolve--the Wouldbegoods Society; its appointed task +is done. If it's not well done, that's _its_ fault and not ours." Dicky +said, "Hear! hear! I second this prop." + +The unexpected Dentist said, "I third it. At first I thought it would +help, but afterwards I saw it only made you want to be naughty, just +because you were a Wouldbegood." + +Oswald owns he was surprised. We put it to the vote at once, so as not +to let Denny cool. H. O. and Noel and Alice voted with us, so Daisy and +Dora were what is called a hopeless minority. We tried to cheer their +hopelessness by letting them read the things out of the Golden Deed book +aloud. Noel hid his face in the straw so that we should not see the +faces he made while he made poetry instead of listening, and when the +Wouldbegoods was by vote dissolved forever he sat up, with straws in his +hair, and said: + + +"THE EPITAPH + + "The Wouldbegoods are dead and gone, + But not the golden deeds they have done. + These will remain upon Glory's page + To be an example to every age, + And by this we have got to know + How to be good upon our ow--N. + +N is for Noel, that makes the rhyme and the sense both right. O.W.N., +own; do you see?" + +We saw it, and said so, and the gentle poet was satisfied. And the +council broke up. Oswald felt that a weight had been lifted from his +expanding chest, and it is curious that he never felt so inclined to be +good and a model youth as he did then. + +As we went down the ladder out of the loft he said: + +"There's one thing we ought to do, though, before we go home. We ought +to find Albert's uncle's long-lost grandmother for him." + +Alice's heart beat true and steadfast. She said: "That's just exactly +what Noel and I were saying this morning. Look out, Oswald, you wretch, +you're kicking chaff into my eyes." She was going down the ladder just +under me. + +Oswald's young sister's thoughtful remark ended in another council. But +not in the straw loft. We decided to have a quite new place, and +disregarded H. O.'s idea of the dairy and Noel's of the cellars. We had +the new council on the secret staircase, and there we settled exactly +what we ought to do. This is the same thing, if you really wish to be +good, as what you are going to do. It was a very interesting council, +and when it was over Oswald was so pleased to think that the +Wouldbegoods was unrecoverishly dead that he gave Denny and Noel, who +were sitting on the step below him, a good-humored, playful, gentle, +loving, brotherly shove, and said, "Get along down, it's tea-time!" + +No reader who understands justice and the real rightness of things, and +who is to blame for what, will ever think it could have been Oswald's +fault that the two other boys got along down by rolling over and over +each other, and bursting the door at the bottom of the stairs open by +their revolving bodies. And I should like to know whose fault it was +that Mrs. Pettigrew was just on the other side of that door at that very +minute? The door burst open, and the impetuous bodies of Noel and Denny +rolled out of it into Mrs. Pettigrew, and upset her and the tea-tray. +Both revolving boys were soaked with tea and milk, and there were one or +two cups and things smashed. Mrs. Pettigrew was knocked over, but none +of her bones were broken. Noel and Denny were going to be sent to bed, +but Oswald said it was all his fault. He really did this to give the +others a chance of doing a refined, golden deed by speaking the truth +and saying it was _not_ his fault. But you cannot really count on any +one. They did not say anything, but only rubbed the lumps on their +late-revolving heads. So it was bed for Oswald, and he felt the +injustice hard. + +But he sat up in bed and read the _Last of the Mohicans_, and then he +began to think. When Oswald really thinks he almost always thinks of +something. He thought of something now, and it was miles better than the +idea we had decided on in the secret staircase, of advertising in the +_Kentish Mercury_ and saying if Albert's uncle's long-lost grandmother +would call at the Moat House she might hear of something much to her +advantage. + +What Oswald thought of was that if we went to Hazelbridge and asked Mr. +B. Munn, grocer, that drove us home in the cart with the horse that +liked the wrong end of the whip best, he would know who the lady was in +the red hat and red wheels that paid him to drive us home that +Canterbury night. He must have been paid, of course, for even grocers +are not generous enough to drive perfect strangers, and five of them +too, about the country for nothing. + +Thus we may learn that even unjustness and sending the wrong people to +bed may bear useful fruit, which ought to be a great comfort to every +one when they are unfairly treated. Only it most likely won't be. For if +Oswald's brothers and sisters had nobly stood by him, as he expected, he +would not have had the solitudy reflections that led to the great scheme +for finding the grandmother. + +Of course when the others came up to roost they all came and squatted on +Oswald's bed and said how sorry they were. He waived their apologies +with noble dignity, because there wasn't much time, and said he had an +idea that would knock the council's plan into a cocked hat. But he would +not tell them what it was. He made them wait till next morning. This was +not sulks, but kind feeling. He wanted them to have something else to +think of besides the way they hadn't stood by him in the bursting of the +secret staircase door and the tea-tray and the milk. + +Next morning Oswald kindly explained, and asked who would volunteer for +a forced march to Hazelbridge. The word volunteer cost the young Oswald +a pang as soon as he had said it, but I hope he can bear pangs with any +man living. "And mind," he added, hiding the pang under a general-like +severeness, "I won't have any one in the expedition who has anything in +his shoes except his feet." + +This could not have been put more delicately and decently. But Oswald is +often misunderstood. Even Alice said it was unkind to throw the pease up +at Denny. When this little unpleasantness had passed away (it took some +time, because Daisy cried, and Dora said, "There now, Oswald!") there +were seven volunteers, which, with Oswald, made eight, and was, indeed, +all of us. There were no cockle-shells, or tape-sandals, or staves, or +scrips, or anything romantic and pious about the eight persons who set +out for Hazelbridge that morning, more earnestly wishful to be good and +deedful--at least Oswald, I know was--than ever they had been in the +days of the beastly Wouldbegood Society. It was a fine day. Either it +was fine nearly all last summer, which is how Oswald remembers it, or +else nearly all the interesting things we did came on fine days. + +With hearts light and gay, and no pease in any one's shoes, the walk to +Hazelbridge was perseveringly conducted. We took our lunch with us, and +the dear dogs. Afterwards we wished for a time that we had left one of +them at home. But they did so want to come, all of them, and Hazelbridge +is not nearly as far as Canterbury, really, so even Martha was allowed +to put on her things--I mean her collar--and come with us. She walks +slowly, but we had the day before us, so there was no extra hurry. + +At Hazelbridge we went into B. Munn's grocer's shop and asked for +ginger-beer to drink. They gave it us, but they seemed surprised at us +wanting to drink it there, and the glass was warm--it had just been +washed. We only did it, really, so as to get into conversation with B. +Munn, grocer, and extract information without rousing suspicion. You +cannot be too careful. + +However, when we had said it was first-class ginger-beer, and paid for +it, we found it not so easy to extract anything more from B. Munn, +grocer; and there was an anxious silence while he fiddled about behind +the counter among the tinned meats and sauce bottles, with a fringe of +hob-nailed boots hanging over his head. + +H. O. spoke suddenly. He is like the sort of person who rushes in where +angels fear to tread, as Denny says (say what sort of person that is). +He said: + +"I say, you remember driving us home that day. Who paid for the cart?" + +Of course B. Munn, grocer, was not such a nincompoop (I like that word, +it means so many people I know) as to say right off. He said: + +"I was paid all right, young gentleman. Don't you terrify yourself." + +People in Kent say terrify when they mean worry. + +So Dora shoved in a gentle oar. She said: + +"We want to know the kind lady's name and address, so that we can write +and thank her for being so jolly that day." + +B. Munn, grocer, muttered something about the lady's address being goods +he was often asked for. Alice said, "But do tell us. We forgot to ask +her. She's a relation of a second-hand uncle of ours, and I do so want +to thank her properly. And if you've got any extra strong peppermints at +a penny an ounce, we should like a quarter of a pound." + +This was a master-stroke. While he was weighing out the peppermints his +heart got soft, and just as he was twisting up the corner of the paper +bag, Dora said, "What lovely fat peppermints! Do tell us." + +And B. Munn's heart was now quite melted, and he said: + +"It's Miss Ashleigh, and she lives at The Cedars--about a mile down the +Maidstone Road." + +We thanked him, and Alice paid for the peppermints. Oswald was a little +anxious when she ordered such a lot, but she and Noel had got the money +all right, and when we were outside on Hazelbridge Green (a good deal of +it is gravel, really), we stood and looked at each other. + +Then Dora said: + +"Let's go home and write a beautiful letter and all sign it." + +Oswald looked at the others. Writing is all very well, but it's such a +beastly long time to wait for anything to happen afterwards. + +The intelligent Alice divined his thoughts, and the Dentist divined +hers--he is not clever enough yet to divine Oswald's--and the two said +together: + +"Why not go and see her?" + +"She _did_ say she would like to see us again some day," Dora replied. +So after we had argued a little about it we went. + +And before we had gone a hundred yards down the dusty road Martha began +to make us wish with all our hearts we had not let her come. She began +to limp, just as a pilgrim, who I will not name, did when he had the +split pease in his silly, palmering shoes. + +So we called a halt and looked at her feet. One of them was quite +swollen and red. Bulldogs almost always have something the matter with +their feet, and it always comes on when least required. They are not the +right breed for emergencies. + +There was nothing for it but to take it in turns to carry her. She is +very stout, and you have no idea how heavy she is. A half-hearted, +unadventurous person (I name no names, but Oswald, Alice, Noel, H. O., +Dicky, Daisy, and Denny will understand me) said, why not go straight +home and come another day without Martha? But the rest agreed with +Oswald when he said it was only a mile, and perhaps we might get a lift +home with the poor invalid. Martha was very grateful to us for our +kindness. She put her fat white arms round the person's neck who +happened to be carrying her. She is very affectionate, but by holding +her very close to you you can keep her from kissing your face all the +time. As Alice said, "Bulldogs do give you such large, wet, pink +kisses." + +A mile is a good way when you have to take your turn at carrying Martha. + +At last we came to a hedge with a ditch in front of it, and chains +swinging from posts to keep people off the grass and out of the ditch, +and a gate with "The Cedars" on it in gold letters. All very neat and +tidy, and showing plainly that more than one gardener was kept. There we +stopped. Alice put Martha down, grunting with exhaustedness, and said: + +"Look here, Dora and Daisy, I don't believe a bit that it's his +grandmother. I'm sure Dora was right, and it's only his horrid +sweetheart. I feel it in my bones. Now, don't you really think we'd +better chuck it; we're sure to catch it for interfering. We always do." + +"The cross of true love never did come smooth," said the Dentist. "We +ought to help him to bear his cross." + +"But if we find her for him, and she's not his grandmother, he'll +_marry_ her," Dicky said, in tones of gloominess and despair. + +Oswald felt the same, but he said, "Never mind. We should all hate it, +but perhaps Albert's uncle _might_ like it. You can never tell. If you +want to do a really unselfish action and no kid, now's your time, my +late Wouldbegoods." + +No one had the face to say right out that they didn't want to be +unselfish. + +But it was with sad hearts that the unselfish seekers opened the long +gate and went up the gravel drive between the rhododendrons and other +shrubberies towards the house. + +I think I have explained to you before that the eldest son of anybody is +called the representative of the family if his father isn't there. This +was why Oswald now took the lead. When we got to the last turn of the +drive it was settled that the others were to noiselessly ambush in the +rhododendrons, and Oswald was to go on alone and ask at the house for +the grandmother from India--I mean Miss Ashleigh. + +So he did, but when he got to the front of the house and saw how neat +the flower-beds were with red geraniums, and the windows all bright and +speckless with muslin blinds and brass rods, and a green parrot in a +cage in the porch, and the doorstep newly whited, lying clean and +untrodden in the sunshine, he stood still and thought of his boots and +how dusty the roads were, and wished he had not gone into the farmyard +after eggs before starting that morning. As he stood there in anxious +uncertainness he heard a low voice among the bushes. It said, "Hist! +Oswald, here!" and it was the voice of Alice. + +So he went back to the others among the shrubs, and they all crowded +round their leader, full of impartable news. + +"She's not in the house; she's _here_," Alice said, in a low whisper +that seemed nearly all S's. "Close by--she went by just this minute with +a gentleman." + +"And they're sitting on a seat under a tree on a little lawn, and she's +got her head on his shoulder, and he's holding her hand. I never saw any +one look so silly in all my born," Dicky said. + +"It's sickening," Denny said, trying to look very manly with his legs +wide apart. + +"I don't know," Oswald whispered. "I suppose it wasn't Albert's uncle?" + +"Not much," Dicky briefly replied. + +"Then don't you see it's all right. If she's going on like that with +this other fellow, she'll want to marry him, and Albert's uncle is safe. +And we've really done an unselfish action without having to suffer for +it afterwards." With a stealthy movement Oswald rubbed his hands as he +spoke in real joyfulness. We decided that we had better bunk unnoticed. +But we had reckoned without Martha. She had strolled off limping to look +about her a bit in the shrubbery. "Where's Martha?" Dora suddenly said. + +"She went that way," pointingly remarked H. O. + +"Then fetch her back, you young duffer! What did you let her go for?" +Oswald said; "and look sharp. Don't make a row." + +He went. A minute later we heard a hoarse squeak from Martha--the one +she always gives when suddenly collared from behind--and a little squeal +in a lady-like voice, and a man say "Hallo!" and then we knew that H. O. +had once more rushed in where angels might have thought twice about it. +We hurried to the fatal spot, but it was too late. We were just in time +to hear H. O. say: + +[Illustration: "ARE YOU GOING TO MARRY THE LADY?"] + +"I'm sorry if she frightened you. But we've been looking for you. Are +you Albert's uncle's long-lost grandmother?" + +"_No_," said our lady, unhesitatingly. + +It seemed vain to add seven more agitated actors to the scene now going +on. We stood still. The man was standing up. He was a clergyman, and I +found out afterwards he was the nicest we ever knew, except our own Mr. +Bristow at Lewisham, who is now a canon, or a dean, or something grand +that no one ever sees. At present I did not like him. He said: "No, this +lady is nobody's grandmother. May I ask in return how long it is since +you escaped from the lunatic asylum, my poor child, and where your +keeper is?" + +H. O. took no notice of this at all, except to say: "I think you are +very rude, and not at all funny, if you think you are." + +The lady said: "My dear, I remember you now perfectly. How are all the +others, and are you pilgrims again to-day?" + +H. O. does not always answer questions. He turned to the man and said: + +"Are you going to marry the lady?" + +"Margaret," said the clergyman, "I never thought it would come to this: +he asks me my intentions!" + +"If you _are_," said H. O., "it's all right; because if you do, Albert's +uncle can't--at least, not till you're dead. And we don't want him to." + +"Flattering, upon my word," said the clergyman, putting on a deep frown. +"Shall I call him out, Margaret, for his poor opinion of you, or shall I +send for the police?" + +Alice now saw that H. O., though firm, was getting muddled and rather +scared. She broke cover and sprang into the middle of the scene. + +"Don't let him rag H. O. any more," she said, "it's all our faults. You +see, Albert's uncle was so anxious to find you, we thought perhaps you +were his long-lost heiress sister or his old nurse who alone knew the +secret of his birth, or something, and we asked him, and he said you +were his long-lost grandmother he had known in India. And we thought +that must be a mistake and that really you were his long-lost +sweetheart. And we tried to do a really unselfish act and find you for +him. Because we don't want him to be married at all." + +"It isn't because we don't like _you_," Oswald cut in, now emerging from +the bushes; "and if he must marry, we'd sooner it was you than any one. +Really we would." + +"A generous concession, Margaret," the strange clergyman uttered, "most +generous, but the plot thickens. It's almost pea-soup-like now. One or +two points clamor for explanation. Who are these visitors of yours? Why +this Red Indian method of paying morning calls? Why the lurking attitude +of the rest of the tribe which I now discern among the undergrowth? +Won't you ask the rest of the tribe to come out and join the glad +throng?" + +Then I liked him better. I always like people who know the same songs we +do, and books and tunes and things. + +The others came out. The lady looked very uncomfy, and partly as if she +was going to cry. But she couldn't help laughing, too, as more and more +of us came out. + +"And who," the clergyman went on--"who in fortune's name is Albert? And +who is his uncle? And what have they or you to do in this _galere_--I +mean garden?" + +We all felt rather silly, and I don't think I ever felt more than then +what an awful lot there were of us. + +"Three years' absence in Calcutta or elsewhere may explain my ignorance +of these details, but still--" + +"I think we'd better go," said Dora. "I'm sorry if we've done anything +rude or wrong. We didn't mean to. Good-bye. I hope you'll be happy with +the gentleman, I'm sure." + +"I _hope_ so too," said Noel, and I know he was thinking how much nicer +Albert's uncle was. We turned to go. The lady had been very silent +compared with what she was when she pretended to show us Canterbury. But +now she seemed to shake off some dreamy silliness, and caught hold of +Dora by the shoulder. + +"No, dear, no," she said, "it's all right, and you must have some +tea--we'll have it on the lawn. John, don't tease them any more. +Albert's uncle is the gentleman T told you about. And, my dear +children, this is my brother that I haven't seen for three years." + +"Then he's a long-lost too," said H. O. + +The lady said, "Not now," and smiled at him. And the rest of us were +dumb with confounding emotions. Oswald was particularly dumb. He might +have known it was her brother, because in rotten grown-up books if a +girl kisses a man in a shrubbery that is not the man you think she's in +love with; it always turns out to be a brother, though generally the +disgrace of the family and not a respectable chaplain from Calcutta. + +The lady now turned to her reverend and surprising brother and said: +"John, go and tell them we'll have tea on the lawn." + +When he was gone she stood quite still a minute. Then she said: "I'm +going to tell you something, but I want to put you on your honor not to +talk about it to other people. You see it isn't every one I would tell +about it. He, Albert's uncle, I mean, has told me a lot about you, and I +know I can trust you." + +We said "Yes," Oswald with a brooding sentiment of knowing all too well +what was coming next. + +The lady then said: "Though I am not Albert's uncle's grandmother, I did +know him in India once, and we were going to be married, but we had +a--a--misunderstanding." + +"Quarrel?" "Row?" said Noel and H. O. at once. + +"Well, yes, a quarrel, and he went away. He was in the Navy then. And +then,... well, we were both sorry; but well, anyway, when his ship came +back we'd gone to Constantinople, then to England, and he couldn't find +us. And he says he's been looking for me ever since." + +"Not you for him?" said Noel. + +"Well, perhaps," said the lady. + +And the girls said "Ah!" with deep interest. The lady went on more +quickly. "And then I found you, and then he found me, and now I must +break it to you. Try to bear up...." + +She stopped. The branches crackled, and Albert's uncle was in our midst. +He took off his hat. "Excuse my tearing my hair," he said to the lady, +"but has the pack really hunted you down?" + +"It's all right," she said, and when she looked at him she got miles +prettier quite suddenly. "I was just breaking to them...." + +"Don't take that proud privilege from me," he said. "Kiddies, allow me +to present you to the future Mrs. Albert's uncle, or shall we say +Albert's new aunt?" + + * * * * * + +There was a good deal of explaining done before tea--about how we got +there, I mean, and why. But after the first bitterness of disappointment +we felt not nearly so sorry as we had expected to. For Albert's uncle's +lady was very jolly to us, and her brother was awfully decent, and +showed us a lot of first-class native curiosities and things, unpacking +them on purpose: skins of beasts, and beads, and brass things, and +shells from different savage lands besides India. And the lady told the +girls that she hoped they would like her as much as she liked them, and +if they wanted a new aunt she would do her best to give satisfaction in +the new situation. And Alice thought of the Murdstone aunt belonging to +Daisy and Denny, and how awful it would have been if Albert's uncle had +married _her_. And she decided, she told me afterwards, that we might +think ourselves jolly lucky it was no worse. + +Then the lady led Oswald aside, pretending to show him the parrot, which +he had explored thoroughly before, and told him she was not like some +people in books. When she was married she would never try to separate +her husband from his bachelor friends, she only wanted them to be her +friends as well. + +Then there was tea, and thus all ended in amicableness, and the reverend +and friendly drove us home in a wagonette. But for Martha we shouldn't +have had tea, or explanations, or lift, or anything. So we honored her, +and did not mind her being so heavy and walking up and down constantly +on our laps as we drove home. + + * * * * * + +And that is all the story of the long-lost grandmother and Albert's +uncle. I am afraid it is rather dull, but it was very important (to +him), so I felt it ought to be narrated. Stories about lovers and +getting married are generally slow. I like a love-story where the hero +parts with the girl at the garden-gate in the gloaming and goes off and +has adventures, and you don't see her any more till he comes home to +marry her at the end of the book. And I suppose people have to marry. +Albert's uncle is awfully old--more than thirty, and the lady is +advanced in years--twenty-six next Christmas. They are to be married +then. The girls are to be bridesmaids in white frocks with fur. This +quite consoles them. If Oswald repines sometimes, he hides it. What's +the use? We all have to meet our fell destiny, and Albert's uncle is not +extirpated from this awful law. + +Now the finding of the long-lost was the very last thing we did for the +sake of its being a noble act, so that is the end of the Wouldbegoods, +and there are no more chapters after this. But Oswald hates books that +finish up without telling you the things you might want to know about +the people in the book. So here goes. We went home to the beautiful +Blackheath house. It seemed very stately and mansion-like after the Moat +House, and every one was most frightfully pleased to see us. + +Mrs. Pettigrew _cried_ when we went away. I never was so astonished in +my life. She made each of the girls a fat red pincushion like a heart, +and each of us boys had a knife bought out of the housekeeping (I mean +housekeeper's own) money. + +Bill Simpkins is happy as sub-under-gardener to Albert's uncle's lady's +mother. They do keep three gardeners--I knew they did. And our tramp +still earns enough to sleep well on from our dear old Pig-man. + +Our last three days were entirely filled up with visits of farewell +sympathy to all our many friends who were so sorry to lose us. We +promised to come and see them next year. I hope we shall. + +Denny and Daisy went back to live with their father at Forest Hill. I +don't think they'll ever be again the victims of the Murdstone aunt--who +is really a great-aunt and about twice as much in the autumn of her days +as our new Albert's uncle aunt. I think they plucked up spirit enough to +tell their father they didn't like her--which they'd never thought of +doing before. Our own robber says their holidays in the country did them +both a great deal of good. And he says us Bastables have certainly +taught Daisy and Denny the rudiments of the art of making home happy. I +believe they have thought of several quite new naughty things entirely +on their own--and done them too--since they came back from the Moat +House. + +I wish you didn't grow up so quickly. Oswald can see that ere long he +will be too old for the kind of games we can all play, and he feels +grown-upness creeping inordiously upon him. But enough of this. + +And now, gentle reader, farewell. If anything in these chronicles of the +Wouldbegoods should make you try to be good yourself, the author will be +very glad, of course. But take my advice and don't make a society for +trying in. It is much easier without. + +And do try to forget that Oswald has another name besides Bastable. The +one beginning with C., I mean. Perhaps you have not noticed what it was. +If so, don't look back for it. It is a name no manly boy would like to +be called by--if he spoke the truth. Oswald is said to be a very manly +boy, and he despises that name, and will never give it to his own son +when he has one. Not if a rich relative offered to leave him an immense +fortune if he did. Oswald would still be firm. He would, on the honor of +the House of Bastable. + + +THE END + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Wouldbegoods, by E. 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