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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/32266-h.zip b/32266-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..6568898 --- /dev/null +++ b/32266-h.zip diff --git a/32266-h/32266-h.htm b/32266-h/32266-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3a72b67 --- /dev/null +++ b/32266-h/32266-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,1601 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=ISO-8859-1" /> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of Sugar Plum, by Reginald Bretnor</title> + <style type="text/css"> + +body { + margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; +} + + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; +} + +p { + margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; +} + +hr { + width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; +} + +table { + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; +} + +.pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; +} /* page numbers */ + +.linenum { + position: absolute; + top: auto; + left: 4%; +} /* poetry number */ + +.blockquot { + margin-left: 5%; + margin-right: 10%; +} + +.sidenote { + width: 20%; + padding-bottom: .5em; + padding-top: .5em; + padding-left: .5em; + padding-right: .5em; + margin-left: 1em; + float: right; + clear: right; + margin-top: 1em; + font-size: smaller; + color: black; + background: #eeeeee; + border: dashed 1px; +} + +.bb {border-bottom: solid 2px;} + +.bl {border-left: solid 2px;} + +.bt {border-top: solid 2px;} + +.br {border-right: solid 2px;} + +.bbox {border: solid 2px;} + +.center {text-align: center;} + +.smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + +.u {text-decoration: underline;} + +.caption {font-weight: bold;} + +/* Images */ +.figcenter { + margin: auto; + text-align: center; +} + +.figleft { + float: left; + clear: left; + margin-left: 0; + margin-bottom: 1em; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-right: 1em; + padding: 0; + text-align: center; +} + +.figright { + float: right; + clear: right; + margin-left: 1em; + margin-bottom: + 1em; + margin-top: 1em; + margin-right: 0; + padding: 0; + text-align: center; +} + +/* Footnotes */ +.footnotes {border: dashed 1px;} + +.footnote {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} + +.footnote .label {position: absolute; right: 84%; text-align: right;} + +.fnanchor { + vertical-align: super; + font-size: .8em; + text-decoration: + none; +} + +/* Poetry */ +.poem { + margin-left:10%; + margin-right:10%; + text-align: left; +} + +.poem br {display: none;} + +.poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + +.poem span.i0 { + display: block; + margin-left: 0em; + padding-left: 3em; + text-indent: -3em; +} + +.poem span.i2 { + display: block; + margin-left: 2em; + padding-left: 3em; + text-indent: -3em; +} + +.poem span.i4 { + display: block; + margin-left: 4em; + padding-left: 3em; + text-indent: -3em; +} + + hr.full { width: 100%; + margin-top: 3em; + margin-bottom: 0em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + height: 4px; + border-width: 4px 0 0 0; /* remove all borders except the top one */ + border-style: solid; + border-color: #000000; + clear: both; } + pre {font-size: 85%;} + </style> +</head> +<body> +<h1>The Project Gutenberg eBook, Sugar Plum, by Reginald Bretnor, Illustrated +by Ashman</h1> +<pre> +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at <a href = "http://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a></pre> +<p>Title: Sugar Plum</p> +<p>Author: Reginald Bretnor</p> +<p>Release Date: May 5, 2010 [eBook #32266]</p> +<p>Language: English</p> +<p>Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1</p> +<p>***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SUGAR PLUM***</p> +<p> </p> +<h4>E-text prepared by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan,<br /> + and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team<br /> + (http://www.pgdp.net)</h4> +<p> </p> +<p>Transcriber's Note:<br /> +<br /> +This etext was produced from <i>Galaxy Science Fiction</i>, +November, 1952. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the +U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.</p> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> + +<div class="figcenter"> +<img src="images/cover.jpg" alt=""/> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<h1>Sugar Plum</h1> + +<h2>By R. BRETNOR</h2> + +<h3>Illustrated by ASHMAN</h3> + + +<div class="figcenter"> +<img src="images/illus1.jpg" alt=""/> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<div class="sidenote">If not for two items, this would be a funny story—the Atomic +Age brought back the 1925 vogue, and inhibition is not shatter-proof.</div> + + +<p>On a clear spring evening in 2189, Charles Edward Button came home half +an hour late for his supper, tossed his hat to the robot butler who came +out from behind the DoItAll, and announced that he had just bought a +planet.</p> + +<p>His wife, Betty, was looking small and long-suffering on a plastic +reproduction of a Victorian love-seat, and her cousin Aurelia, a large, +handsome woman, was standing behind her protectively.</p> + +<p>"Of course," he informed them, "it's not a <i>big</i> planet. But what a +bargain! With real oceans, and two moons, and—"</p> + +<p>"Real estate, real estate, real estate!" Cousin Aurelia's tart voice cut +him off in mid-sentence. "You know what's come of every one of your +investments. Call the man <i>right now</i> and tell him you want your money +back!"</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid it's too late." Charles avoided her eye. "I bought it up at +a tax-auction and—well, the government never refunds."</p> + +<p>"I <i>thought</i> so. A planet nobody wants. Probably all run down, with +swamps and deserts, and in some dreadful, shabby district where the +neighbors have squirmy tentacles, or eyes on stalks, or big, nasty +beaks!"</p> + +<p>"It isn't at all. It's in a good neighborhood—only two systems away +from the Inchcapes' new summer planet. A little remote, but that means +more privacy." He took a catalogue out of his pocket. "'Parcel 71,'" he +read. "'Sugar Plum, a Class IV planet'—that means it's like Earth, only +bigger—'claimed 8/12/85 by Space Captain Alexander Burgee, under +Planetary Homestead Act of 2147 (amended.)' And here's his description +of the place where he landed: 'Neat as a pin, fine climate, full of +critters and fish, quite uninhabited.' He was lost in Deep Space, poor +fellow. That's why they sold it."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Betty smiled faintly. "The Inchcapes call their planet Bide-A-Wee. I +think Sugar Plum's ever so much nicer. But—but can we afford it?"</p> + +<p>"We certainly can't!" fumed Cousin Aurelia. "We'll put it back on the +market and salvage whatever we can."</p> + +<p>"No, we won't," Charles said firmly. "And it's not just a summer resort. +We're pulling up stakes to live there all year round."</p> + +<p>Betty gasped.</p> + +<p>Cousin Aurelia straightened up, bristling.</p> + +<p>"I have made up my mind," Charles went on. "I have done a lot of serious +thinking." He pointed at the heavily framed neo-daguerreotype portraits +on the walls. "Our ancestors rediscovered the only <i>true</i> principles, +those of the great Nineteenth Century. They brought the Second Victorian +Age into being. Civilization reached its peak, its full flowering. But +now all is crumbling before the poisonous onslaught of modernism. We who +have not been corrupted must seek out a refuge. That, Cousin, is why I +bought Sugar Plum."</p> + +<p>"Nonsense!" exclaimed Cousin Aurelia. "There may be changes everywhere +else, but never in Boston."</p> + +<p>"Ha!" Charles looked at his watch. "Solomon!" he called out.</p> + +<p>The butler came bowing out of the DoItAll nook, where the servants +stayed when they were switched off. He wore a swallowtail coat and +knee-breeches, and had kinky white hair. Made to order, he was Cousin +Aurelia's idea.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter"> +<img src="images/illus2.jpg" alt=""/> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p>"Yassuh, Marse Charles. Here Ah is."</p> + +<p>"Solomon," ordered Charles, "tune in Watson Widgett."</p> + +<p>Betty paled, uttering a polite little scream.</p> + +<p>"Are you <i>mad</i>?" cried Cousin Aurelia. "I've heard about him. I'll not +have that man in <i>my</i> home!"</p> + +<p>Charles squared his shoulders. "Cousin, may I remind you that <i>I</i> am +head of this house, and that we are <i>Victorians</i>? It's high time you +found out what's going on. Solomon!"</p> + +<p>"Yass<i>uh</i>."</p> + +<p>There was a click from the DoItAll, a brief flash of light and a figure +appeared in their midst, a cheerful young man in loose trousers and +shirt, without coat, waistcoat, cravat, or even a pair of suspenders. He +was grinning at Cousin Aurelia.</p> + +<p>"Boys and girls," he was saying, "Wyoming has outlawed corsets! The +folks in Siskiyou, California, have given women the vote! And listen to +this. The Bikini swimsuit—just a wisp and a twist—is back on the +market!" He winked loathsomely. "Yes, indeed, our prize fake Victorians, +our second-hand stuffed shirts, are due for a fall. Here's the best news +today, from a cute little lady right here in old Boston." He unfolded a +paper. "Dear Watsy, When I first found your program, I was a real Mrs. +Biedermeyer. Marriage was something we gentlewomen tried to endure while +we knitted an anti-macassar. It wasn't supposed to be fun. Then a friend +tipped me off to your—"</p> + +<p>At this point, Cousin Aurelia emitted a shriek, rolled her eyes and +crumpled to the carpet.</p> + +<p>Charles gestured and the commentator vanished with a click and a flash. +Betty scurried out and returned with the smelling salts.</p> + +<p>Presently, Cousin Aurelia regained her senses, shivered, and said, "It's +too awful for words. If it were not for Betty, I would surely have left +long ago. As it is, I shall go where you go, to protect her, of course."</p> + +<p>Then she permitted Betty to help her to her feet and out of the room.</p> + +<p>"Solomon!" Charles called loudly.</p> + +<p>"Yassuh, Marse Charles."</p> + +<p>"Set the table for two," Charles commanded. "I shall dial the dinner +myself."</p> + +<p>He felt very adventurous and masterful. Dialing dinner without aid was +fine training in self-reliance.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Six weeks later, the three of them stood on the bridge of the space +freighter <i>Beautiful Joe</i>, watching Sugar Plum as the vessel entered an +orbit around it.</p> + +<p>But Charles Edward Button didn't feel at all masterful, or even +adventurous.</p> + +<p>They stood next to Possett, the skipper, a great, hairy man with gold +teeth, a bad squint, and an air of gloomy cunning about him. After her +first look at Possett, Cousin Aurelia had locked herself in her cabin, +allowing no one but Betty to approach her, and threatening to subsist on +the half-dozen cases of Dr. Stringfellow's Vegetable Remedy she kept +under her berth. Charles, however, had been sure that Possett's heart +was both kindly and chivalrous.</p> + +<p>"Take those tall stories of his," he said more than once. "Betty, they +don't mean a thing. Old spacedogs love to kid tenderfeet. Imagine trying +to make me believe that it's dangerous out here! And all that malarkey +about Captain Burgee being a pirate or something!"</p> + +<p>They stared at Sugar Plum, at its small polar ice caps, its seas, its +continents greener than Earth's, its wandering white clouds. Not many +hours before, it had been only a dust mote, a pinpoint of light in the +void. Now it filled half the sky. And suddenly Charles understood the +immensities, the unspeakable stretches of space in which Boston had +vanished.</p> + +<p>Shivering, he wished he were home, stiffly safe in a curlicued chair, +with Solomon dialing his dinner for him.</p> + +<p>"Nice piece of property," grunted Possett around his cigar. "Too bad +about—" He broke off with a shrug.</p> + +<p>"About what?" asked Charles, alarmed.</p> + +<p>"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes if Burgee comes around and finds +you'd run off with his planet."</p> + +<p>"Burgee? He was lost out in space!"</p> + +<p>"His kind don't stay lost. Chances are he's hiding out from the law. But +it's none of my business. Just thought I'd warn you."</p> + +<p>Charles laughed weakly. "You c-can't frighten me. I'm sure there aren't +any pirates in space any more."</p> + +<p>Possett turned to his weasel-faced mate. "Loopy, call the New Texas +spaceport. Get Mac on the screen."</p> + +<p>The mate nodded. He twiddled a dial and punched at a switch. The screen +glowed. After some seconds, the face of a red-haired person appeared, +looking rather disgusted.</p> + +<p>"New Texas, New Texas," came a voice. "I hear you, <i>Beautiful Joe</i>. What +the hell do you want?"</p> + +<p>"Dude aboard wants some info," said Possett. "Wants to know what Burgee +did for a living—Alexander Burgee. Also, are the coppers still trying +to find him?"</p> + +<p>The face frowned. "Possett, you know damn well Burgee was a pirate. You +know he's been listed as lost. Now quit wasting my time. New Texas out."</p> + +<p>The face vanished. The mate snickered nastily. And Charles just stood +there gaping.</p> + +<p>"A real pirate!" squeaked Cousin Aurelia. "Wh-what would he do? Would he +<i>kill</i> us?"</p> + +<p>"Might do anything. But—" eying her, Possett leered—"he's like me. +Likes 'em well fattened up. Lady, you needn't worry."</p> + +<p>Cousin Aurelia paled. She started to sway. Then, perhaps recalling the +uncarpeted deck, she recovered and looked haughty instead.</p> + +<p>"I am going right back to my cabin," she proclaimed, and stalked off the +bridge.</p> + +<p>"Cousin Aurelia is very genteel," Betty snapped at the captain. "You had +no right to insult her. Besides, she's only twenty pounds overweight."</p> + +<p>"Don't mind me. I go for her type." Possett shook his head darkly and +turned toward Charles. "Button, man to man, a back-country planet's no +place for the ladies. Look, I'll take the thing off your hands. I can +handle Burgee. Twelve thousand cold cash for your stuff and the deed, +and I'll throw in a lift to New Texas. There's a liner from there."</p> + +<p>Charles thought of the comfortable Earth and was tempted. "But I paid +thirty-five," he protested uncertainly. "I mean, twelve is—"</p> + +<p>"Take it or leave it. I'm trying to do you a favor."</p> + +<p>"No, I guess we'll leave it," answered Betty.</p> + +<p>Charles looked around in surprise. Her lips were compressed, her blue +eyes narrowed with astonishing determination.</p> + +<p>"We've come all this way," she declared, "so we might as well keep it. I +think it has—well, possibilities. We've had the whole house done over +and the servants remodeled. And we'll have all the DoItAll +services—teleprojection, medical care, and everything else—from the +New Texas substation. I'm sure we'll get along nicely."</p> + +<p>The skipper of the <i>Beautiful Joe</i> wasn't pleased. "It's your necks. +Don't be blaming me for what happens," he growled. "Well, where do you +want to set down?"</p> + +<p>"Set down?" gulped Charles. "R-right now?"</p> + +<p>"Land and unload, it says in the contract. I ain't got all day. I'll +dump you at Burgee's old landing, load up with fresh water, and blast +off for New Texas."</p> + +<p>Charles had no other spot in mind.</p> + +<p>"Okay," Possett said to the two robot crewmen at the main controls, +"take her down."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>At the waterfall's edge, flowering trees twisted their roots in the +cliffside, and a fresh wind scattered plumes of its spray through their +leaves. Taller trees, bell-blossomed, fanned out from the pool, gave way +to a meadow, and followed the course of the stream down a broadening +valley—among faceted boulders of translucent quartz, rose-pink, green, +and golden, sheltering small, lustrous spires of fragile fungi.</p> + +<p>On the meadow stood the house, the latest in Second Victorian, complete +with carved plastic false-front in early Schenectady Gothic. The Buttons +themselves, with Cousin Aurelia, stood in front of it. They wore long +linen dusters and sun helmets with heavy mosquito veils. They were going +exploring.</p> + +<p>Cousin Aurelia was sputtering: "Do you know what he said when he left? +'Kid, you come along with Mike Possett. You don't want no part of that +planet. I'll show you a ripsnorting time!' Then he gave me a look +that—that was positively <i>lecherous</i>." She shuddered. "At least we'll +have no more of that nonsense. Your planet is uninhabited."</p> + +<p>Betty looked worried. "I've the funniest feeling," she said. "As if +someone was watching."</p> + +<p>"That's absurd!" snapped Cousin Aurelia. "You must be imagin—" She +stopped in her tracks. "Wh-what's <i>that</i>?"</p> + +<p>They looked. A large, soft, fuzzy beast had come out from under the +trees. It was reddish and had very big feet. It blinked at them +brightly, climbed a transparent green rock, and started to whistle, not +too tunefully, through its long Roman nose.</p> + +<p>Almost instantly, another emerged, a size smaller. Lowering its eyelids +coquettishly, it began clapping its forepaws.</p> + +<p>"Charles, they must be the 'critters' Burgee mentioned in that +catalogue. Remember? I'm sure they're perfectly harmless."</p> + +<p>Two more animals appeared and made for a rock of their own. And then +there were, suddenly, dozens—all around the edge of the meadow. These +were petite, creamy, with lavender ears. They came bounding forward in +pairs, sat up and regarded the Buttons solemnly.</p> + +<p>Charles began to relax. Somehow, Sugar Plum didn't seem half so enormous +any longer, now that they weren't so alone.</p> + +<p>"I wonder if they could be tamed." Betty was wistful.</p> + +<p>"They're certain to be just full of fleas," sniffed Cousin Aurelia.</p> + +<p>The creatures were playful. As the Buttons walked over the meadow, they +frolicked around them—</p> + +<p>But they also were very affectionate. As they frolicked, they flirted. +Every once in a while, each pair would pause to rub noses, to murmur +seductively, to nip one another.</p> + +<p>At first, Cousin Aurelia tried to pretend they weren't there. But +finally she halted. "Charles Edward Button, I won't go a step farther +till you drive those nasty things away. It's disgraceful. They're apt to +do—anything!"</p> + +<p>Charles flushed under his netting. "Shoo!" he said ineffectively. "Beat +it!"</p> + +<p>There was a swift patter of feet straight ahead and a figure flashed +into view. She was slim. She was small, with a girdle and headdress of +feathers. Her skin was sky-blue, and her ears were pointed, and her eyes +were simply enormous. But she looked distressingly human.</p> + +<p>In an instant, she vanished. As the Buttons stood there goggling, they +heard more running footsteps, somewhat heavier, and a scuffle, a giggle, +a clear, tenor laugh, and then silence.</p> + +<p>"Why, that was a girl!" Betty gasped.</p> + +<p>"She was being pursued!" Charles exclaimed. "He—he caught her!"</p> + +<p>"Oooh!" moaned Cousin Aurelia, covering her eyes. "Charles, how <i>could</i> +you? Enticing us here, saying it was uninhabited!"</p> + +<p>Then, before Charles could find a reply:</p> + +<p>"Unin<i>hab</i>ited?" chuckled a deep male voice right behind them. "It +certainly isn't. It's just unin<i>hib</i>ited!"</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Slowly, the Buttons turned around. There, by an odd square tree, stood a +man even bigger than Possett, smoking a pipe. He was middle-aged. He +wore a heavy brown beard, khaki shorts, a deep coat of tan, and a +self-possessed smile.</p> + +<p>He bowed. "Burgee is my name—Space Captain Alexander Burgee. Glad to +make your acquaintance."</p> + +<p>"It's him!" screamed Cousin Aurelia. "And he's practically naked!" She +pointed a cotton-gloved finger, began backing away. "You fiend, don't +you come any nearer. Don't you <i>touch</i> me!"</p> + +<p>The captain looked very surprised. "Why would I want to?"</p> + +<p>Her voice reached a new high and clung there. "You—you libertine! You +may lead a riotous life with these natives, but you won't work your will +on me. I'll lock myself in till the police can come from New Texas!"</p> + +<p>And, tripping and stumbling over her duster, she fled.</p> + +<p>As the door banged behind her, the captain nudged a large beast off a +nearby rock, and sat down. "I can see that Earth hasn't changed," he +remarked. "You tourists still seem to have the daffiest notions." He +sounded quite hurt. "Look, these natives are nice little people. They're +harmless. I call 'em my Sugar Plum pixies, and sometimes we grin at each +other. But that's all. They aren't much past the animal stage. Besides, +they lay eggs. Oh, well—" he shrugged as the Buttons exchanged knowing +looks—"I have plenty of room at the house and I guess you'll be +permanent guests, so welcome to Sugar Plum, anyway."</p> + +<p>Betty said angrily, "Sugar Plum's ours. You didn't pay taxes and they +sold it at auction. Charles has the deed in his pocket."</p> + +<p>"You poor, dumb kids!" The captain seemed really concerned. "You bought +some fool bureaucrats error. I'm paid up in advance. Come on down, you +can see the receipt."</p> + +<p>"Aren't you clever?" said Betty scornfully. "Well, you won't trap us as +easily as that. We don't need you or your house."</p> + +<p>"You just might want something to eat, or a hot, soapy shower, or a +tight roof over you when it rains."</p> + +<p>The Buttons smiled triumphantly. They had their own house, with a +DoItAll to do everything for them.</p> + +<p>"You can leave us alone, Mr. Pirate Burgee. Captain Possett told us your +whole horrible story, and Cousin Aurelia is calling the police right +this minute."</p> + +<p>"Possett?" The captain's face twitched. "Mike Possett, of the <i>Beautiful +Joe</i>?"</p> + +<p>"That's right." Charles felt very superior. "Now you beat it before—"</p> + +<p>He didn't finish. From the house came a loud, anguished cry.</p> + +<p>They whirled.</p> + +<p>Cousin Aurelia, disheveled without helmet or duster, was almost upon +them.</p> + +<p>"Charles! It won't work!"</p> + +<p>She reached him, threw her arms round his neck and hung on.</p> + +<p>"I can't turn the servants on, or the teleprojection, or even the keys +to the closets. Oh, Charles, we'll have nothing to eat, or to drink, or +to wear!"</p> + +<p>"That's impossible. DoItAlls never break down."</p> + +<p>"We can't live without it!" screeched Cousin Aurelia. "We're millions of +miles from Boston! We're marooned with that monster!"</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Burgee's long, low house was indecently plain, without even so much as a +gimcrack or bit of gingerbread decoration. Its many wide windows looked +out over a lake set with islands. Its living room had broad, cushioned +couches and indolent chairs—all suspiciously comfortable.</p> + +<p>In exactly such houses, Charles knew, in the wicked old days, a fate +worse than death had been practically part of the fixtures.</p> + +<p>"We shouldn't have let him persuade us," he worriedly told Betty. +"Perhaps we'd have starved, but at least Cousin Aurelia wouldn't have +locked herself alone into a strange pirate's bedroom!"</p> + +<p>"We've been here all afternoon," Betty pointed out, "and he hasn't tried +anything yet. Besides, he helped carry those cases of hers and he gave +her the keys himself. It's peculiar. Oh, Charles, do you suppose +that—that it's <i>me</i> he's after?"</p> + +<p>Before he could answer, a robot came in, a practical, old-fashioned +model with four arms for waiting at table.</p> + +<p>"Dinner is served." It snapped its aluminum jaws. "Come to the dining +room, please."</p> + +<p>Reluctantly, they obeyed.</p> + +<p>"Whatever you do," whispered Charles warningly at the door, "don't let +him ply you with liquor."</p> + +<p>The captain stood at the head of the table. He was in full evening +dress, with a heavy gold-nugget watch chain across his muscular middle. +He smelled faintly of mothballs and looked very respectable.</p> + +<p>The Buttons examined the table. There wasn't a sign of absinthe or +brandy or even champagne. There was nothing but water.</p> + +<p>"It's too bad your cousin won't join us," said the captain, seating them +courteously. "I hope those cartons of hers have something tasty inside +them."</p> + +<p>"They contain Dr. Stringfellow's Vegetable Remedy and Tonic for +Gentlewomen," replied Betty primly. "It is said to be very nourishing."</p> + +<p>Their host shuddered. Recovering, he clapped his hands sharply. "Oh, +steward!"</p> + +<p>"Aye, aye, sir!" said the robot, appearing with a big silver tureen and +setting it down on the table.</p> + +<p>The Buttons drew back.</p> + +<p>"I can see you don't trust me," laughed the captain. "So we'll serve +everything out in plain sight. You can shuffle the plates if you want +to." He proceeded to ladle out a clear, fragrant soup. "There. Take +whichever you want."</p> + +<p>The Buttons selected their plates. They picked up their spoons, dipped +them nervously, made rowing motions.</p> + +<p>The captain ate heartily, talking away between spoonfuls. He told them +that Sugar Plum was surrounded by an ionized layer impervious to DoItAll +waves. He said he had no use for such gadgets, or for the Age which +produced them.</p> + +<p>"And why," he demanded, "did we become fake Victorians? Why are we worse +than the real ones? I'll tell you. Because space was too big. It made +people feel puny. They wanted a hole to crawl into—something small, +safe and stuffy."</p> + +<p>As course followed course, he told them how he had retired from piracy +after homesteading Sugar Plum. Alone with his robots, he had dismantled +his vessel, using its engines for heating and lighting. He had done a +good deal of exploring.</p> + +<p>The robot served something like lobster, and something like grouse, and +a roast which might have been venison. It served vegetables in pink, +pear-like clusters and long, golden pods. It served a crisp, succulent +salad.</p> + +<p>Charles picked at his food, watching Betty with growing uneasiness. +First, her appetite seemed to improve. Then her eyes started to sparkle, +and the severe little corners of her mouth began to relax. Leaning +forward intently, she became more and more absorbed in the captain.</p> + +<p>"—and so here I've been ever since," he said, as he finished his salad, +"and Sugar Plum's just about perfect. Of course, it gets lonely at +times, but—"</p> + +<p>Abruptly, Betty's hand darted out, grabbed the captain's beard.</p> + +<p>"<i>Beaver!</i>" she shouted, laughing and pulling. Then she settled back, +blushing. "I've wanted to do that for years."</p> + +<p>Charles reeled. Here was a crisis! He started to rise; hesitated. Of +course, he was shocked to the core, but, "Great Scott, she's pretty!" he +thought; and at once he felt guilty.</p> + +<p>He stood up, trying hard to look angry.</p> + +<p>"Elizabeth," he announced, "you will leave this room—er—instantly."</p> + +<p>"Why?" giggled Betty.</p> + +<p>"Because <i>ladies</i> do not pull gentlemen's beards."</p> + +<p>The captain was holding his sides and rocking with laughter.</p> + +<p>"Now, now," he protested. "Let her get it out of her system. 'Beaver's' +a splendid old custom. It's almost Victorian."</p> + +<p>Betty dimpled, resting her chin on the backs of her interlaced hands. +"Don't pay any attention, Captain Burgee. Charlie's a horrid old +fuss-pot. Why shouldn't I yank at your beard? I like you."</p> + +<p>"Betty, the man is a <i>pirate</i>!"</p> + +<p>"Not any more. He's retired. You heard him say so yourself. Anyhow, I +like him. I think he'd make an awfully nice husband for Cousin Aurelia."</p> + +<p>Charles reached for the water, and drained his glass in a spluttering +gulp.</p> + +<p>"I think so, too," the captain agreed, looking pleased. "I thought so as +soon as I saw her. She's exactly my type." He sighed. "But she does seem +a little unfriendly. Do you suppose a guitar and some old-fashioned +songs at her window might—well, make her want to get better +acquainted?"</p> + +<p>Charles thought, "Not that sour old prune!" Surprised at himself, he +swallowed the words just in time.</p> + +<p>Betty snickered. "Poor Cousin Aurelia! I simply can't get over her +staying locked in with nothing but Vegetable Remedy. Why, it tastes just +like shoe polish. And it's all because she's scared to death to eat or +drink anything here. She believes that Sugar Plum's really an—an +uninhibited planet!"</p> + +<p>She stopped. She stared at the captain. "What's the matter?"</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid," he said, looking very serious, "that you don't understand. +Your Cousin Aurelia is right."</p> + +<p>Betty wilted. "You can't mean it!"</p> + +<p>"I don't know exactly what does it. Maybe it's something in the water +and air and food—"</p> + +<p>Charles stared at the plates on the table in horror.</p> + +<p>"It's nothing you need be afraid of," the captain went on. "You see, its +effect just depends on the kind of person you are way inside."</p> + +<p>Betty began to perk up. She eyed Charles appraisingly.</p> + +<p>"Is Charles the right kind of person?" she asked.</p> + +<p>"I'm sure he is, and your cousin is, too, though she keeps it pretty +well hidden. If they weren't, Sugar Plum would soon let us know it, +believe me." He grinned. "And now let's all go a-courtin'. I'll get my +guitar and call Herman."</p> + +<p>He went to the door and whistled, and instantly a large reddish creature +came lolloping in. It saw the guitar and blinked eagerly.</p> + +<p>Betty linked her arm in the captain's. "Come along, Charlie."</p> + +<p>Charles fumbled around. He was scared.</p> + +<p>Then Betty looked over her shoulder and smiled. It was a completely new +smile. He had never seen it before. It made him tremble with +apprehension.</p> + +<p>"You know," she said softly, "I think it'll sort of be fun being +uninhibited."</p> + +<p>Charles knocked over a glass, and his chair, and he paused only to drink +some more water.</p> + +<p>"So," he shouted, "do I!"</p> + +<p>"I suspected you might," said the captain.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Together they went out on the porch and sat down in a swing; and, for a +few moments, in silence, they watched Sugar Plum's two moons sailing +through the strange, perfumed sky. The larger was celadon green; the +smaller, off-white, was glowing, gleaming.</p> + +<p>Finally, "Cousin Aurelia?" called Betty.</p> + +<p>"Betty, are you out in the dark with that man?"</p> + +<p>"Charles and I both are. But he isn't a pirate any more and he's really +quite nice. Besides, he's going to sing to you."</p> + +<p>"You tell him to go away—far away. I've barricaded the window and I +have my sharp scissors. I warn you, if he makes one false move—"</p> + +<p>"This is where I came in," remarked Charles.</p> + +<p>The captain settled back, tuned his guitar, and started to sing in a +warm bass-baritone, with Herman whistling a tenor obbligato through his +nose. Betty and Charles thought the effect was charming, even if Herman +did tend to go a bit flat on the high notes.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter"> +<img src="images/illus3.jpg" alt=""/> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p>First, the captain sang <i>Down by the Old Mill Stream</i> and <i>Sweet +Genevieve</i>. Then he tried a number of sentimental arias from the more +respectable operas, and <i>The Lost Chord</i>, and several other old +favorites.</p> + +<p>Occasionally, Cousin Aurelia sniffed loudly, but she said nothing until +his serenade came to an end.</p> + +<p>"Betty!" she called. "Can you hear me?"</p> + +<p>"Do I have to?"</p> + +<p>"Tell that person out there that it has done him no good to make those +ungodly noises. My fingers have been in my ears all the time."</p> + +<p>"You must've been really a sight," giggled Betty.</p> + +<p>"Betty! You—you sound different, somehow."</p> + +<p>"Oh, I am! So is Charles. We're both uninhibited now."</p> + +<p>There was one cry of horror from Cousin Aurelia and then silence.</p> + +<p>Betty turned to the captain. He looked downcast, and Herman did, too.</p> + +<p>"We'll just have to try something else, something clever," she told the +captain. "Cousin Aurelia seems dead set against you. It's because of +your being a pirate, I guess."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Charles and Betty spent the next couple of days avoiding any mention of +the captain's former profession and helping him think up new ways to +uninhibit Cousin Aurelia. He tried singing again, this time with an +augmented chorus of Herman's relations. When that also failed, he cooked +her a fine mushroom omelette. Then he caught her a young animal with +lavender ears to keep as a pet and he spent a whole evening reading +<i>Sonnets from the Portuguese</i> aloud at her window.</p> + +<p>She responded with sniffs and with occasional scraping noises of +furniture being moved to reinforce her defenses. Finally, to Betty's +distress, she pushed out a note announcing that henceforth she would +have nothing to do with the Buttons—and that no one could tell her that +poems like those were <i>Victorian</i>.</p> + +<p>Before the third day was half over, the Captain was moping around, +Charles was peevish, and Betty had started to worry and fret.</p> + +<p>So, in the late afternoon, they went on a picnic. Followed by Herman, +and by the four-armed dining room robot carrying two wicker hampers, +they walked around the lake to a broad grassy knoll where the strange +square trees grew in a circle, and prisms of quartz leaned from the +ground like Druids turned into stone. While they ate, the night advanced +softly, its moons weaving crystalline shadows of celadon, rose, and old +ivory.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<div class="figcenter"> +<img src="images/illus4.jpg" alt=""/> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p>Betty waited until the last hint of daylight had vanished. Then, "It's +lovely," she whispered. "Poor Cousin Aurelia, it'd all be so simple if +she'd only come out, but—oh, I'm afraid that it's hopeless!"</p> + +<p>"Hopeless?" Charles snorted. "It's easy. We'll break into her room, me +and Burgee, and hold her while you pour some of Sugar Plum's water down +her gullet. She'll be fixed up before she finds out what hit her."</p> + +<p>"We mustn't do that," the captain said stiffly. "We can't employ +violence."</p> + +<p>"Look who's talking!" Charles was amused. "An old pirate like you. +Robbing ships, making passengers walk the plank into space, shooting +people with ray guns, and—"</p> + +<p>"Shh!" Betty warned. "Charles, that isn't polite. You know he's +sensitive about—"</p> + +<p>The captain seemed to be strangling. "And I thought it was <i>snobbery</i>!" +Then he exploded with laughter. He lay back on the grass and he howled.</p> + +<p>The Buttons stared in amazement, and some creatures came out of the +trees to see what the uproar was all about.</p> + +<p>The captain sat up. "What century is this?" he asked.</p> + +<p>"The Twenty-second, of course," answered Betty. "But—but why?"</p> + +<p>"I just wondered. I'll tell you later." He controlled himself with an +effort. "But we really mustn't use force on Aurelia, even in such a good +cause. It might turn her into the wrong kind of person."</p> + +<p>"Turn her?" Betty repeated sadly. "I'm afraid that she already is. I +don't think she'll ever come out. I'm afraid she'll do something +desperate."</p> + +<p>"I'm worried, too," the captain admitted, "but I'm certain she is the +right kind. The wrong kind of people can't live here. Sugar Plum doesn't +like them."</p> + +<p>Betty and Charles both looked puzzled.</p> + +<p>"I'll try to explain. It happens within a few hours, even if they aren't +uninhibited. If they are, then it's practically instantaneous. It's a—"</p> + +<p>He broke off and looked up at the sky with a frown. There was an angry +red glow right above them, a far-distant roar.</p> + +<p>They leaped to their feet. The glow brightened swiftly. It seemed to be +headed straight for them. The sound filled the air.</p> + +<p>"We have visitors!" shouted the captain.</p> + +<p>"Wh-who?" stammered Betty. "The police?"</p> + +<p>"They don't use braking jets any more. It's an obsolete freighter."</p> + +<p>"Oh!" Betty put her hands to her face in terror. "It's the <i>Beautiful +Joe</i>. That man Possett—he's coming back after Cousin Aurelia!"</p> + +<p>The red glow passed to the northward. They saw the ship's shape for a +moment, spurting flame, slowing. Then it dropped out of sight. The +ground shuddered briefly. There was quiet.</p> + +<p>The captain grabbed Betty's arm. "They're down in the clearing. Quick! +When he dropped you, did Possett take anything with him?"</p> + +<p>"Just a fresh supply of water."</p> + +<p>"My God!" blurted Charles. "That means they're—"</p> + +<p>"<i>Uninhibited!</i>" yelled the captain. "And they're the wrong kind of +people. Betty! Charles! Can you run? Hey, Steward, give them a hand!"</p> + +<p>"Aye, aye, sir," snapped the robot, hoisting the hampers and reaching an +elbow to each of the Buttons.</p> + +<p>"Then let's go. I hope we can make it in time to save them!"</p> + +<p>"<i>Them?</i>" gulped Charles, as the robot started to run.</p> + +<p>But the captain already was too far ahead to have heard him.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Pulled by the untiring robot, Charles and Betty made very good time, but +they couldn't catch up with the captain. They had to make several stops +to get their wind back, and they were still half a mile from the house +when they heard her.</p> + +<p>"Help! Murder! Police! Save me!" screamed Cousin Aurelia.</p> + +<p>"He—he's got her!" puffed Charles, as the shrieks died away. "Hurry!"</p> + +<p>When they got to the house, it was empty. Not even Herman was there. In +the living room and the hall, there were signs of a titanic struggle. +The door of Cousin Aurelia's room hung wide open.</p> + +<p>"Look!" Charles gave it a great goldfish stare. "She unlocked it +herself!"</p> + +<p>"He probably told her—he was rescuing her—from the pirate," panted +Betty.</p> + +<p>"We—we'll have to go on—" Charles felt his legs start to collapse—"to +the clearing."</p> + +<p>The robot put two arms around him, and one around Betty.</p> + +<p>"You will rest for three minutes," it stated, leading them to the living +room and seating them gently. "I will bring brandy."</p> + +<p>The brandy was welcome. They drank it in gulps, and worried about Cousin +Aurelia, and the robot fanned them considerately while they did so.</p> + +<p>Then, again, they were off. In less than ten minutes, they looked down +on the valley, on the clearing. They caught sight of the <i>Beautiful +Joe</i>. The voice of the waterfall reached them.</p> + +<p>And so did another one. A man's voice. A deep one.</p> + +<p>"Ow!" it yelled hoarsely. "Let me up! Ow! Let go!"</p> + +<p>Charles moaned. "We shouldn't have waited for brandy. Now they're +killing him, too!"</p> + +<p>With the robot behind them, they raced down the hill, splashed through +the stream, broke through a circle of giggling Sugar Plum natives and +goggle-eyed creatures.</p> + +<p>"Don't give up!" croaked Charles. "We're coming!"</p> + +<p>On the grass were four figures. Two were thrashing around and being sat +on. Two were doing the sitting.</p> + +<p>The Buttons braked to a stop. Something was radically wrong. The larger +of the two thrashing figures was being sat on by Cousin Aurelia!</p> + +<p>"Try to kidnap <i>me</i>, will you?" <i>Slap.</i> "Make me throw myself into that +pool!" <i>Slap.</i> "And swallow a gallon of water and have to drag myself +out!" <i>Slap-slap-slap</i>. "You will, will you?"</p> + +<p>"Ow!" cried the figure. "Leg-go!"</p> + +<p>Aurelia looked over her shoulder. She spied Charles and Betty.</p> + +<p>"Hey!" she shouted. "Bear a hand here with Possett!"</p> + +<p>"You don't have to hold him," called Captain Burgee, dismounting from +Loopy the mate. "He can't get away. Sugar Plum's got him."</p> + +<p>They both rose and the two writhing figures continued to writhe.</p> + +<p>"They're <i>scratching</i>," Charles exclaimed.</p> + +<p>He wasn't quite right. The skipper and the mate of the <i>Beautiful Joe</i> +were trying to scratch, but they didn't have enough hands. They were +groaning, and bleating, and begging for aid as they wriggled.</p> + +<p>Cousin Aurelia gave Possett a push with her foot.</p> + +<p>"I'm soaked to the skin," she announced. "Betty, help me off with this +dress. If I don't wring my petticoat out, I'll catch something."</p> + +<p>"Why, Cousin Aurelia!" Charles blurted. "In front of the captain?"</p> + +<p>"And why not?" she demanded. "I have undies on, don't I?"</p> + +<p>The captain broke in, his voice urgent. "We've got to get these +characters back aboard in a hurry! They can't live on Sugar Plum; +they're the wrong kind of people. I started to tell you. They're +allergic to the critters, the trees, the natives—to everything here. +You, Steward!" He beckoned. "Call the crew of the <i>Beautiful Joe</i>."</p> + +<p>The robot ran to the ship. It whistled. Immediately, four other robots +appeared.</p> + +<p>"Bosun," said the captain to the one in the lead, "Captain Possett is +ill. He is—er—delirious. The mate, too. Carry them in. And take off +quickly for New Texas."</p> + +<p>"Aye, aye, sir." The bosun saluted.</p> + +<p>They lifted up Possett, who was grunting and swearing. They hoisted the +weasel-faced mate. The hatches clanged shut. Fire burst from the stern. +The ship lifted.</p> + +<p>When there was quiet again, Cousin Aurelia looked at the captain. She +examined him carefully.</p> + +<p>"Hm-m-m," she murmured to Betty. "Not bad. Not bad at all!"</p> + +<p>Then, "Alexander Burgee," she declared, "every bit of this is your +fault. If I hadn't escaped from that man and jumped in the pool—well, I +don't know <i>what</i> might've happened. The least you can do is carry me +back to your house."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>At midnight, Charles and Betty sat in the living room. They hadn't had +time to get used to the change in Cousin Aurelia and they still looked +at her unbelievingly. She was wearing a gay housecoat of Betty's, too +tight in just the right places. She had let down her hair, tied it with +a ribbon, and she'd put on a gay smear of lipstick. She was exceedingly +merry.</p> + +<p>"I can't imagine how I stood it," she was saying, "for so many years. I +mean, being such an old frump." She laughed brightly. "Why, I was almost +as bad as poor Charlie!"</p> + +<p>"Well, at least I never locked myself in to get away from a pirate," +Charles retorted.</p> + +<p>The captain stood up with a chuckle. "Say, that reminds me." He went to +a bookcase, opened a thick volume, and gave it to Charles. "I want you +to read something here."</p> + +<p>Charles saw that it was <i>Jane's Dictionary of Space Transportation</i>. He +looked up enquiringly.</p> + +<p>The captain was pointing at a word.</p> + +<p>"'<i>Pirate</i>,'" Charles read, sounding puzzled. "'Pirate, originally a +criminal who attacked and robbed ships at sea (see: Earth, planet) now +obsolete in this sense. At present, term applied to—'" Charles +hesitated—"'to persons engaged in space salvage, especially to captains +of vessels employed in such work.'"</p> + +<p>Charles turned red. Betty flushed. Cousin Aurelia started laughing her +head off.</p> + +<p>"Times change," the captain said soberly. "Do you want me to show you my +license?"</p> + +<p>The Buttons were much too embarrassed to answer.</p> + +<p>"Well, if you don't, I hope you'll excuse us. Aurelia and I would like +to sit in the swing and look at the stars for a while."</p> + +<p>"I want to be told just how far away Boston is," she said as he helped +her to rise. She wrinkled her nose. "I'm certainly glad that here on +Sugar Plum we're safe from the wrong kind of people—all those horrible +Victorians."</p> + +<p>The captain's arm went around her.</p> + +<p>He winked at the Buttons.</p> + +<p>"A few of them weren't so bad," he said gently. "A few of the real +ones."</p> + +<p>And, as they left, he slipped the copy of <i>Sonnets from the Portuguese</i> +into his pocket.</p> + +<p>"Well, now that we've sort of lost Cousin Aurelia," said Betty, "I wish +I could have one of these adorable animals on Sugar Plum for my very +own. As a pet, you know. It might help as a substitute for Cousin +Aurelia's company."</p> + +<p>"And what's wrong with me for a substitute?" Charles wanted to know. "It +seems to me that you can forget Cousin Aurelia for a change and give me +a little consideration."</p> + +<p>She looked at him appraisingly and then at her watch.</p> + +<p>"I never thought of that," she said. "It's time for bed."</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Later, she sat up, studied him hard for a moment, and shook her head +wistfully.</p> + +<p>"Oh, Charles, you'd be perfect," she said, "if you only had lavender +ears."</p> + +<p>"That shouldn't be much trouble," he answered gravely. "I'll signal a +passing spaceship, get to New Texas and have my ears tattooed. Good +enough?"</p> + +<p>She nuzzled against his neck.</p> + +<p>"Wonderful, darling. It would make you look so—so Bohemian!"</p> + +<p>It was the finest compliment Charles had ever received.</p> + +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SUGAR PLUM***</p> +<p>******* This file should be named 32266-h.txt or 32266-h.zip *******</p> +<p>This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:<br /> +<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/3/2/2/6/32266">http://www.gutenberg.org/3/2/2/6/32266</a></p> +<p>Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed.</p> + +<p>Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: Sugar Plum + + +Author: Reginald Bretnor + + + +Release Date: May 5, 2010 [eBook #32266] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SUGAR PLUM*** + + +E-text prepared by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan, and the Project Gutenberg +Online Distributed Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net) + + + +Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this + file which includes the original illustrations. + See 32266-h.htm or 32266-h.zip: + (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/32266/32266-h/32266-h.htm) + or + (http://www.gutenberg.org/files/32266/32266-h.zip) + + +Transcriber's note: + + This etext was produced from _Galaxy Science Fiction_, + November, 1952. Extensive research did not uncover any + evidence that the U.S. copyright on this publication + was renewed. + + + + + +SUGAR PLUM + +by + +R. BRETNOR + +Illustrated by ASHMAN + + + +[Sidenote: If not for two items, this would be a funny story--the Atomic +Age brought back the 1925 vogue, and inhibition is not shatter-proof.] + +On a clear spring evening in 2189, Charles Edward Button came home half +an hour late for his supper, tossed his hat to the robot butler who came +out from behind the DoItAll, and announced that he had just bought a +planet. + +[Illustration] + +His wife, Betty, was looking small and long-suffering on a plastic +reproduction of a Victorian love-seat, and her cousin Aurelia, a large, +handsome woman, was standing behind her protectively. + +"Of course," he informed them, "it's not a _big_ planet. But what a +bargain! With real oceans, and two moons, and--" + +"Real estate, real estate, real estate!" Cousin Aurelia's tart voice cut +him off in mid-sentence. "You know what's come of every one of your +investments. Call the man _right now_ and tell him you want your money +back!" + +"I'm afraid it's too late." Charles avoided her eye. "I bought it up at +a tax-auction and--well, the government never refunds." + +"I _thought_ so. A planet nobody wants. Probably all run down, with +swamps and deserts, and in some dreadful, shabby district where the +neighbors have squirmy tentacles, or eyes on stalks, or big, nasty +beaks!" + +"It isn't at all. It's in a good neighborhood--only two systems away +from the Inchcapes' new summer planet. A little remote, but that means +more privacy." He took a catalogue out of his pocket. "'Parcel 71,'" he +read. "'Sugar Plum, a Class IV planet'--that means it's like Earth, only +bigger--'claimed 8/12/85 by Space Captain Alexander Burgee, under +Planetary Homestead Act of 2147 (amended.)' And here's his description +of the place where he landed: 'Neat as a pin, fine climate, full of +critters and fish, quite uninhabited.' He was lost in Deep Space, poor +fellow. That's why they sold it." + + * * * * * + +Betty smiled faintly. "The Inchcapes call their planet Bide-A-Wee. I +think Sugar Plum's ever so much nicer. But--but can we afford it?" + +"We certainly can't!" fumed Cousin Aurelia. "We'll put it back on the +market and salvage whatever we can." + +"No, we won't," Charles said firmly. "And it's not just a summer resort. +We're pulling up stakes to live there all year round." + +Betty gasped. + +Cousin Aurelia straightened up, bristling. + +"I have made up my mind," Charles went on. "I have done a lot of serious +thinking." He pointed at the heavily framed neo-daguerreotype portraits +on the walls. "Our ancestors rediscovered the only _true_ principles, +those of the great Nineteenth Century. They brought the Second Victorian +Age into being. Civilization reached its peak, its full flowering. But +now all is crumbling before the poisonous onslaught of modernism. We who +have not been corrupted must seek out a refuge. That, Cousin, is why I +bought Sugar Plum." + +"Nonsense!" exclaimed Cousin Aurelia. "There may be changes everywhere +else, but never in Boston." + +"Ha!" Charles looked at his watch. "Solomon!" he called out. + +The butler came bowing out of the DoItAll nook, where the servants +stayed when they were switched off. He wore a swallowtail coat and +knee-breeches, and had kinky white hair. Made to order, he was Cousin +Aurelia's idea. + +[Illustration] + +"Yassuh, Marse Charles. Here Ah is." + +"Solomon," ordered Charles, "tune in Watson Widgett." + +Betty paled, uttering a polite little scream. + +"Are you _mad_?" cried Cousin Aurelia. "I've heard about him. I'll not +have that man in _my_ home!" + +Charles squared his shoulders. "Cousin, may I remind you that _I_ am +head of this house, and that we are _Victorians_? It's high time you +found out what's going on. Solomon!" + +"Yass_uh_." + +There was a click from the DoItAll, a brief flash of light and a figure +appeared in their midst, a cheerful young man in loose trousers and +shirt, without coat, waistcoat, cravat, or even a pair of suspenders. He +was grinning at Cousin Aurelia. + +"Boys and girls," he was saying, "Wyoming has outlawed corsets! The +folks in Siskiyou, California, have given women the vote! And listen to +this. The Bikini swimsuit--just a wisp and a twist--is back on the +market!" He winked loathsomely. "Yes, indeed, our prize fake Victorians, +our second-hand stuffed shirts, are due for a fall. Here's the best news +today, from a cute little lady right here in old Boston." He unfolded a +paper. "Dear Watsy, When I first found your program, I was a real Mrs. +Biedermeyer. Marriage was something we gentlewomen tried to endure while +we knitted an anti-macassar. It wasn't supposed to be fun. Then a friend +tipped me off to your--" + +At this point, Cousin Aurelia emitted a shriek, rolled her eyes and +crumpled to the carpet. + +Charles gestured and the commentator vanished with a click and a flash. +Betty scurried out and returned with the smelling salts. + +Presently, Cousin Aurelia regained her senses, shivered, and said, "It's +too awful for words. If it were not for Betty, I would surely have left +long ago. As it is, I shall go where you go, to protect her, of course." + +Then she permitted Betty to help her to her feet and out of the room. + +"Solomon!" Charles called loudly. + +"Yassuh, Marse Charles." + +"Set the table for two," Charles commanded. "I shall dial the dinner +myself." + +He felt very adventurous and masterful. Dialing dinner without aid was +fine training in self-reliance. + + * * * * * + +Six weeks later, the three of them stood on the bridge of the space +freighter _Beautiful Joe_, watching Sugar Plum as the vessel entered an +orbit around it. + +But Charles Edward Button didn't feel at all masterful, or even +adventurous. + +They stood next to Possett, the skipper, a great, hairy man with gold +teeth, a bad squint, and an air of gloomy cunning about him. After her +first look at Possett, Cousin Aurelia had locked herself in her cabin, +allowing no one but Betty to approach her, and threatening to subsist on +the half-dozen cases of Dr. Stringfellow's Vegetable Remedy she kept +under her berth. Charles, however, had been sure that Possett's heart +was both kindly and chivalrous. + +"Take those tall stories of his," he said more than once. "Betty, they +don't mean a thing. Old spacedogs love to kid tenderfeet. Imagine trying +to make me believe that it's dangerous out here! And all that malarkey +about Captain Burgee being a pirate or something!" + +They stared at Sugar Plum, at its small polar ice caps, its seas, its +continents greener than Earth's, its wandering white clouds. Not many +hours before, it had been only a dust mote, a pinpoint of light in the +void. Now it filled half the sky. And suddenly Charles understood the +immensities, the unspeakable stretches of space in which Boston had +vanished. + +Shivering, he wished he were home, stiffly safe in a curlicued chair, +with Solomon dialing his dinner for him. + +"Nice piece of property," grunted Possett around his cigar. "Too bad +about--" He broke off with a shrug. + +"About what?" asked Charles, alarmed. + +"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes if Burgee comes around and finds +you'd run off with his planet." + +"Burgee? He was lost out in space!" + +"His kind don't stay lost. Chances are he's hiding out from the law. But +it's none of my business. Just thought I'd warn you." + +Charles laughed weakly. "You c-can't frighten me. I'm sure there aren't +any pirates in space any more." + +Possett turned to his weasel-faced mate. "Loopy, call the New Texas +spaceport. Get Mac on the screen." + +The mate nodded. He twiddled a dial and punched at a switch. The screen +glowed. After some seconds, the face of a red-haired person appeared, +looking rather disgusted. + +"New Texas, New Texas," came a voice. "I hear you, _Beautiful Joe_. What +the hell do you want?" + +"Dude aboard wants some info," said Possett. "Wants to know what Burgee +did for a living--Alexander Burgee. Also, are the coppers still trying +to find him?" + +The face frowned. "Possett, you know damn well Burgee was a pirate. You +know he's been listed as lost. Now quit wasting my time. New Texas out." + +The face vanished. The mate snickered nastily. And Charles just stood +there gaping. + +"A real pirate!" squeaked Cousin Aurelia. "Wh-what would he do? Would he +_kill_ us?" + +"Might do anything. But--" eying her, Possett leered--"he's like me. +Likes 'em well fattened up. Lady, you needn't worry." + +Cousin Aurelia paled. She started to sway. Then, perhaps recalling the +uncarpeted deck, she recovered and looked haughty instead. + +"I am going right back to my cabin," she proclaimed, and stalked off the +bridge. + +"Cousin Aurelia is very genteel," Betty snapped at the captain. "You had +no right to insult her. Besides, she's only twenty pounds overweight." + +"Don't mind me. I go for her type." Possett shook his head darkly and +turned toward Charles. "Button, man to man, a back-country planet's no +place for the ladies. Look, I'll take the thing off your hands. I can +handle Burgee. Twelve thousand cold cash for your stuff and the deed, +and I'll throw in a lift to New Texas. There's a liner from there." + +Charles thought of the comfortable Earth and was tempted. "But I paid +thirty-five," he protested uncertainly. "I mean, twelve is--" + +"Take it or leave it. I'm trying to do you a favor." + +"No, I guess we'll leave it," answered Betty. + +Charles looked around in surprise. Her lips were compressed, her blue +eyes narrowed with astonishing determination. + +"We've come all this way," she declared, "so we might as well keep it. I +think it has--well, possibilities. We've had the whole house done over +and the servants remodeled. And we'll have all the DoItAll +services--teleprojection, medical care, and everything else--from the +New Texas substation. I'm sure we'll get along nicely." + +The skipper of the _Beautiful Joe_ wasn't pleased. "It's your necks. +Don't be blaming me for what happens," he growled. "Well, where do you +want to set down?" + +"Set down?" gulped Charles. "R-right now?" + +"Land and unload, it says in the contract. I ain't got all day. I'll +dump you at Burgee's old landing, load up with fresh water, and blast +off for New Texas." + +Charles had no other spot in mind. + +"Okay," Possett said to the two robot crewmen at the main controls, +"take her down." + + * * * * * + +At the waterfall's edge, flowering trees twisted their roots in the +cliffside, and a fresh wind scattered plumes of its spray through their +leaves. Taller trees, bell-blossomed, fanned out from the pool, gave way +to a meadow, and followed the course of the stream down a broadening +valley--among faceted boulders of translucent quartz, rose-pink, green, +and golden, sheltering small, lustrous spires of fragile fungi. + +On the meadow stood the house, the latest in Second Victorian, complete +with carved plastic false-front in early Schenectady Gothic. The Buttons +themselves, with Cousin Aurelia, stood in front of it. They wore long +linen dusters and sun helmets with heavy mosquito veils. They were going +exploring. + +Cousin Aurelia was sputtering: "Do you know what he said when he left? +'Kid, you come along with Mike Possett. You don't want no part of that +planet. I'll show you a ripsnorting time!' Then he gave me a look +that--that was positively _lecherous_." She shuddered. "At least we'll +have no more of that nonsense. Your planet is uninhabited." + +Betty looked worried. "I've the funniest feeling," she said. "As if +someone was watching." + +"That's absurd!" snapped Cousin Aurelia. "You must be imagin--" She +stopped in her tracks. "Wh-what's _that_?" + +They looked. A large, soft, fuzzy beast had come out from under the +trees. It was reddish and had very big feet. It blinked at them +brightly, climbed a transparent green rock, and started to whistle, not +too tunefully, through its long Roman nose. + +Almost instantly, another emerged, a size smaller. Lowering its eyelids +coquettishly, it began clapping its forepaws. + +"Charles, they must be the 'critters' Burgee mentioned in that +catalogue. Remember? I'm sure they're perfectly harmless." + +Two more animals appeared and made for a rock of their own. And then +there were, suddenly, dozens--all around the edge of the meadow. These +were petite, creamy, with lavender ears. They came bounding forward in +pairs, sat up and regarded the Buttons solemnly. + +Charles began to relax. Somehow, Sugar Plum didn't seem half so enormous +any longer, now that they weren't so alone. + +"I wonder if they could be tamed." Betty was wistful. + +"They're certain to be just full of fleas," sniffed Cousin Aurelia. + +The creatures were playful. As the Buttons walked over the meadow, they +frolicked around them-- + +But they also were very affectionate. As they frolicked, they flirted. +Every once in a while, each pair would pause to rub noses, to murmur +seductively, to nip one another. + +At first, Cousin Aurelia tried to pretend they weren't there. But +finally she halted. "Charles Edward Button, I won't go a step farther +till you drive those nasty things away. It's disgraceful. They're apt to +do--anything!" + +Charles flushed under his netting. "Shoo!" he said ineffectively. "Beat +it!" + +There was a swift patter of feet straight ahead and a figure flashed +into view. She was slim. She was small, with a girdle and headdress of +feathers. Her skin was sky-blue, and her ears were pointed, and her eyes +were simply enormous. But she looked distressingly human. + +In an instant, she vanished. As the Buttons stood there goggling, they +heard more running footsteps, somewhat heavier, and a scuffle, a giggle, +a clear, tenor laugh, and then silence. + +"Why, that was a girl!" Betty gasped. + +"She was being pursued!" Charles exclaimed. "He--he caught her!" + +"Oooh!" moaned Cousin Aurelia, covering her eyes. "Charles, how _could_ +you? Enticing us here, saying it was uninhabited!" + +Then, before Charles could find a reply: + +"Unin_hab_ited?" chuckled a deep male voice right behind them. "It +certainly isn't. It's just unin_hib_ited!" + + * * * * * + +Slowly, the Buttons turned around. There, by an odd square tree, stood a +man even bigger than Possett, smoking a pipe. He was middle-aged. He +wore a heavy brown beard, khaki shorts, a deep coat of tan, and a +self-possessed smile. + +He bowed. "Burgee is my name--Space Captain Alexander Burgee. Glad to +make your acquaintance." + +"It's him!" screamed Cousin Aurelia. "And he's practically naked!" She +pointed a cotton-gloved finger, began backing away. "You fiend, don't +you come any nearer. Don't you _touch_ me!" + +The captain looked very surprised. "Why would I want to?" + +Her voice reached a new high and clung there. "You--you libertine! You +may lead a riotous life with these natives, but you won't work your will +on me. I'll lock myself in till the police can come from New Texas!" + +And, tripping and stumbling over her duster, she fled. + +As the door banged behind her, the captain nudged a large beast off a +nearby rock, and sat down. "I can see that Earth hasn't changed," he +remarked. "You tourists still seem to have the daffiest notions." He +sounded quite hurt. "Look, these natives are nice little people. They're +harmless. I call 'em my Sugar Plum pixies, and sometimes we grin at each +other. But that's all. They aren't much past the animal stage. Besides, +they lay eggs. Oh, well--" he shrugged as the Buttons exchanged knowing +looks--"I have plenty of room at the house and I guess you'll be +permanent guests, so welcome to Sugar Plum, anyway." + +Betty said angrily, "Sugar Plum's ours. You didn't pay taxes and they +sold it at auction. Charles has the deed in his pocket." + +"You poor, dumb kids!" The captain seemed really concerned. "You bought +some fool bureaucrats error. I'm paid up in advance. Come on down, you +can see the receipt." + +"Aren't you clever?" said Betty scornfully. "Well, you won't trap us as +easily as that. We don't need you or your house." + +"You just might want something to eat, or a hot, soapy shower, or a +tight roof over you when it rains." + +The Buttons smiled triumphantly. They had their own house, with a +DoItAll to do everything for them. + +"You can leave us alone, Mr. Pirate Burgee. Captain Possett told us your +whole horrible story, and Cousin Aurelia is calling the police right +this minute." + +"Possett?" The captain's face twitched. "Mike Possett, of the _Beautiful +Joe_?" + +"That's right." Charles felt very superior. "Now you beat it before--" + +He didn't finish. From the house came a loud, anguished cry. + +They whirled. + +Cousin Aurelia, disheveled without helmet or duster, was almost upon +them. + +"Charles! It won't work!" + +She reached him, threw her arms round his neck and hung on. + +"I can't turn the servants on, or the teleprojection, or even the keys +to the closets. Oh, Charles, we'll have nothing to eat, or to drink, or +to wear!" + +"That's impossible. DoItAlls never break down." + +"We can't live without it!" screeched Cousin Aurelia. "We're millions of +miles from Boston! We're marooned with that monster!" + + * * * * * + +Burgee's long, low house was indecently plain, without even so much as a +gimcrack or bit of gingerbread decoration. Its many wide windows looked +out over a lake set with islands. Its living room had broad, cushioned +couches and indolent chairs--all suspiciously comfortable. + +In exactly such houses, Charles knew, in the wicked old days, a fate +worse than death had been practically part of the fixtures. + +"We shouldn't have let him persuade us," he worriedly told Betty. +"Perhaps we'd have starved, but at least Cousin Aurelia wouldn't have +locked herself alone into a strange pirate's bedroom!" + +"We've been here all afternoon," Betty pointed out, "and he hasn't tried +anything yet. Besides, he helped carry those cases of hers and he gave +her the keys himself. It's peculiar. Oh, Charles, do you suppose +that--that it's _me_ he's after?" + +Before he could answer, a robot came in, a practical, old-fashioned +model with four arms for waiting at table. + +"Dinner is served." It snapped its aluminum jaws. "Come to the dining +room, please." + +Reluctantly, they obeyed. + +"Whatever you do," whispered Charles warningly at the door, "don't let +him ply you with liquor." + +The captain stood at the head of the table. He was in full evening +dress, with a heavy gold-nugget watch chain across his muscular middle. +He smelled faintly of mothballs and looked very respectable. + +The Buttons examined the table. There wasn't a sign of absinthe or +brandy or even champagne. There was nothing but water. + +"It's too bad your cousin won't join us," said the captain, seating them +courteously. "I hope those cartons of hers have something tasty inside +them." + +"They contain Dr. Stringfellow's Vegetable Remedy and Tonic for +Gentlewomen," replied Betty primly. "It is said to be very nourishing." + +Their host shuddered. Recovering, he clapped his hands sharply. "Oh, +steward!" + +"Aye, aye, sir!" said the robot, appearing with a big silver tureen and +setting it down on the table. + +The Buttons drew back. + +"I can see you don't trust me," laughed the captain. "So we'll serve +everything out in plain sight. You can shuffle the plates if you want +to." He proceeded to ladle out a clear, fragrant soup. "There. Take +whichever you want." + +The Buttons selected their plates. They picked up their spoons, dipped +them nervously, made rowing motions. + +The captain ate heartily, talking away between spoonfuls. He told them +that Sugar Plum was surrounded by an ionized layer impervious to DoItAll +waves. He said he had no use for such gadgets, or for the Age which +produced them. + +"And why," he demanded, "did we become fake Victorians? Why are we worse +than the real ones? I'll tell you. Because space was too big. It made +people feel puny. They wanted a hole to crawl into--something small, +safe and stuffy." + +As course followed course, he told them how he had retired from piracy +after homesteading Sugar Plum. Alone with his robots, he had dismantled +his vessel, using its engines for heating and lighting. He had done a +good deal of exploring. + +The robot served something like lobster, and something like grouse, and +a roast which might have been venison. It served vegetables in pink, +pear-like clusters and long, golden pods. It served a crisp, succulent +salad. + +Charles picked at his food, watching Betty with growing uneasiness. +First, her appetite seemed to improve. Then her eyes started to sparkle, +and the severe little corners of her mouth began to relax. Leaning +forward intently, she became more and more absorbed in the captain. + +"--and so here I've been ever since," he said, as he finished his salad, +"and Sugar Plum's just about perfect. Of course, it gets lonely at +times, but--" + +Abruptly, Betty's hand darted out, grabbed the captain's beard. + +"_Beaver!_" she shouted, laughing and pulling. Then she settled back, +blushing. "I've wanted to do that for years." + +Charles reeled. Here was a crisis! He started to rise; hesitated. Of +course, he was shocked to the core, but, "Great Scott, she's pretty!" he +thought; and at once he felt guilty. + +He stood up, trying hard to look angry. + +"Elizabeth," he announced, "you will leave this room--er--instantly." + +"Why?" giggled Betty. + +"Because _ladies_ do not pull gentlemen's beards." + +The captain was holding his sides and rocking with laughter. + +"Now, now," he protested. "Let her get it out of her system. 'Beaver's' +a splendid old custom. It's almost Victorian." + +Betty dimpled, resting her chin on the backs of her interlaced hands. +"Don't pay any attention, Captain Burgee. Charlie's a horrid old +fuss-pot. Why shouldn't I yank at your beard? I like you." + +"Betty, the man is a _pirate_!" + +"Not any more. He's retired. You heard him say so yourself. Anyhow, I +like him. I think he'd make an awfully nice husband for Cousin Aurelia." + +Charles reached for the water, and drained his glass in a spluttering +gulp. + +"I think so, too," the captain agreed, looking pleased. "I thought so as +soon as I saw her. She's exactly my type." He sighed. "But she does seem +a little unfriendly. Do you suppose a guitar and some old-fashioned +songs at her window might--well, make her want to get better +acquainted?" + +Charles thought, "Not that sour old prune!" Surprised at himself, he +swallowed the words just in time. + +Betty snickered. "Poor Cousin Aurelia! I simply can't get over her +staying locked in with nothing but Vegetable Remedy. Why, it tastes just +like shoe polish. And it's all because she's scared to death to eat or +drink anything here. She believes that Sugar Plum's really an--an +uninhibited planet!" + +She stopped. She stared at the captain. "What's the matter?" + +"I'm afraid," he said, looking very serious, "that you don't understand. +Your Cousin Aurelia is right." + +Betty wilted. "You can't mean it!" + +"I don't know exactly what does it. Maybe it's something in the water +and air and food--" + +Charles stared at the plates on the table in horror. + +"It's nothing you need be afraid of," the captain went on. "You see, its +effect just depends on the kind of person you are way inside." + +Betty began to perk up. She eyed Charles appraisingly. + +"Is Charles the right kind of person?" she asked. + +"I'm sure he is, and your cousin is, too, though she keeps it pretty +well hidden. If they weren't, Sugar Plum would soon let us know it, +believe me." He grinned. "And now let's all go a-courtin'. I'll get my +guitar and call Herman." + +He went to the door and whistled, and instantly a large reddish creature +came lolloping in. It saw the guitar and blinked eagerly. + +Betty linked her arm in the captain's. "Come along, Charlie." + +Charles fumbled around. He was scared. + +Then Betty looked over her shoulder and smiled. It was a completely new +smile. He had never seen it before. It made him tremble with +apprehension. + +"You know," she said softly, "I think it'll sort of be fun being +uninhibited." + +Charles knocked over a glass, and his chair, and he paused only to drink +some more water. + +"So," he shouted, "do I!" + +"I suspected you might," said the captain. + + * * * * * + +Together they went out on the porch and sat down in a swing; and, for a +few moments, in silence, they watched Sugar Plum's two moons sailing +through the strange, perfumed sky. The larger was celadon green; the +smaller, off-white, was glowing, gleaming. + +Finally, "Cousin Aurelia?" called Betty. + +"Betty, are you out in the dark with that man?" + +"Charles and I both are. But he isn't a pirate any more and he's really +quite nice. Besides, he's going to sing to you." + +"You tell him to go away--far away. I've barricaded the window and I +have my sharp scissors. I warn you, if he makes one false move--" + +"This is where I came in," remarked Charles. + +The captain settled back, tuned his guitar, and started to sing in a +warm bass-baritone, with Herman whistling a tenor obbligato through his +nose. Betty and Charles thought the effect was charming, even if Herman +did tend to go a bit flat on the high notes. + +[Illustration] + +First, the captain sang _Down by the Old Mill Stream_ and _Sweet +Genevieve_. Then he tried a number of sentimental arias from the more +respectable operas, and _The Lost Chord_, and several other old +favorites. + +Occasionally, Cousin Aurelia sniffed loudly, but she said nothing until +his serenade came to an end. + +"Betty!" she called. "Can you hear me?" + +"Do I have to?" + +"Tell that person out there that it has done him no good to make those +ungodly noises. My fingers have been in my ears all the time." + +"You must've been really a sight," giggled Betty. + +"Betty! You--you sound different, somehow." + +"Oh, I am! So is Charles. We're both uninhibited now." + +There was one cry of horror from Cousin Aurelia and then silence. + +Betty turned to the captain. He looked downcast, and Herman did, too. + +"We'll just have to try something else, something clever," she told the +captain. "Cousin Aurelia seems dead set against you. It's because of +your being a pirate, I guess." + + * * * * * + +Charles and Betty spent the next couple of days avoiding any mention of +the captain's former profession and helping him think up new ways to +uninhibit Cousin Aurelia. He tried singing again, this time with an +augmented chorus of Herman's relations. When that also failed, he cooked +her a fine mushroom omelette. Then he caught her a young animal with +lavender ears to keep as a pet and he spent a whole evening reading +_Sonnets from the Portuguese_ aloud at her window. + +She responded with sniffs and with occasional scraping noises of +furniture being moved to reinforce her defenses. Finally, to Betty's +distress, she pushed out a note announcing that henceforth she would +have nothing to do with the Buttons--and that no one could tell her that +poems like those were _Victorian_. + +Before the third day was half over, the Captain was moping around, +Charles was peevish, and Betty had started to worry and fret. + +So, in the late afternoon, they went on a picnic. Followed by Herman, +and by the four-armed dining room robot carrying two wicker hampers, +they walked around the lake to a broad grassy knoll where the strange +square trees grew in a circle, and prisms of quartz leaned from the +ground like Druids turned into stone. While they ate, the night advanced +softly, its moons weaving crystalline shadows of celadon, rose, and old +ivory. + +[Illustration] + +Betty waited until the last hint of daylight had vanished. Then, "It's +lovely," she whispered. "Poor Cousin Aurelia, it'd all be so simple if +she'd only come out, but--oh, I'm afraid that it's hopeless!" + +"Hopeless?" Charles snorted. "It's easy. We'll break into her room, me +and Burgee, and hold her while you pour some of Sugar Plum's water down +her gullet. She'll be fixed up before she finds out what hit her." + +"We mustn't do that," the captain said stiffly. "We can't employ +violence." + +"Look who's talking!" Charles was amused. "An old pirate like you. +Robbing ships, making passengers walk the plank into space, shooting +people with ray guns, and--" + +"Shh!" Betty warned. "Charles, that isn't polite. You know he's +sensitive about--" + +The captain seemed to be strangling. "And I thought it was _snobbery_!" +Then he exploded with laughter. He lay back on the grass and he howled. + +The Buttons stared in amazement, and some creatures came out of the +trees to see what the uproar was all about. + +The captain sat up. "What century is this?" he asked. + +"The Twenty-second, of course," answered Betty. "But--but why?" + +"I just wondered. I'll tell you later." He controlled himself with an +effort. "But we really mustn't use force on Aurelia, even in such a good +cause. It might turn her into the wrong kind of person." + +"Turn her?" Betty repeated sadly. "I'm afraid that she already is. I +don't think she'll ever come out. I'm afraid she'll do something +desperate." + +"I'm worried, too," the captain admitted, "but I'm certain she is the +right kind. The wrong kind of people can't live here. Sugar Plum doesn't +like them." + +Betty and Charles both looked puzzled. + +"I'll try to explain. It happens within a few hours, even if they aren't +uninhibited. If they are, then it's practically instantaneous. It's a--" + +He broke off and looked up at the sky with a frown. There was an angry +red glow right above them, a far-distant roar. + +They leaped to their feet. The glow brightened swiftly. It seemed to be +headed straight for them. The sound filled the air. + +"We have visitors!" shouted the captain. + +"Wh-who?" stammered Betty. "The police?" + +"They don't use braking jets any more. It's an obsolete freighter." + +"Oh!" Betty put her hands to her face in terror. "It's the _Beautiful +Joe_. That man Possett--he's coming back after Cousin Aurelia!" + +The red glow passed to the northward. They saw the ship's shape for a +moment, spurting flame, slowing. Then it dropped out of sight. The +ground shuddered briefly. There was quiet. + +The captain grabbed Betty's arm. "They're down in the clearing. Quick! +When he dropped you, did Possett take anything with him?" + +"Just a fresh supply of water." + +"My God!" blurted Charles. "That means they're--" + +"_Uninhibited!_" yelled the captain. "And they're the wrong kind of +people. Betty! Charles! Can you run? Hey, Steward, give them a hand!" + +"Aye, aye, sir," snapped the robot, hoisting the hampers and reaching an +elbow to each of the Buttons. + +"Then let's go. I hope we can make it in time to save them!" + +"_Them?_" gulped Charles, as the robot started to run. + +But the captain already was too far ahead to have heard him. + + * * * * * + +Pulled by the untiring robot, Charles and Betty made very good time, but +they couldn't catch up with the captain. They had to make several stops +to get their wind back, and they were still half a mile from the house +when they heard her. + +"Help! Murder! Police! Save me!" screamed Cousin Aurelia. + +"He--he's got her!" puffed Charles, as the shrieks died away. "Hurry!" + +When they got to the house, it was empty. Not even Herman was there. In +the living room and the hall, there were signs of a titanic struggle. +The door of Cousin Aurelia's room hung wide open. + +"Look!" Charles gave it a great goldfish stare. "She unlocked it +herself!" + +"He probably told her--he was rescuing her--from the pirate," panted +Betty. + +"We--we'll have to go on--" Charles felt his legs start to collapse--"to +the clearing." + +The robot put two arms around him, and one around Betty. + +"You will rest for three minutes," it stated, leading them to the living +room and seating them gently. "I will bring brandy." + +The brandy was welcome. They drank it in gulps, and worried about Cousin +Aurelia, and the robot fanned them considerately while they did so. + +Then, again, they were off. In less than ten minutes, they looked down +on the valley, on the clearing. They caught sight of the _Beautiful +Joe_. The voice of the waterfall reached them. + +And so did another one. A man's voice. A deep one. + +"Ow!" it yelled hoarsely. "Let me up! Ow! Let go!" + +Charles moaned. "We shouldn't have waited for brandy. Now they're +killing him, too!" + +With the robot behind them, they raced down the hill, splashed through +the stream, broke through a circle of giggling Sugar Plum natives and +goggle-eyed creatures. + +"Don't give up!" croaked Charles. "We're coming!" + +On the grass were four figures. Two were thrashing around and being sat +on. Two were doing the sitting. + +The Buttons braked to a stop. Something was radically wrong. The larger +of the two thrashing figures was being sat on by Cousin Aurelia! + +"Try to kidnap _me_, will you?" _Slap._ "Make me throw myself into that +pool!" _Slap._ "And swallow a gallon of water and have to drag myself +out!" _Slap-slap-slap_. "You will, will you?" + +"Ow!" cried the figure. "Leg-go!" + +Aurelia looked over her shoulder. She spied Charles and Betty. + +"Hey!" she shouted. "Bear a hand here with Possett!" + +"You don't have to hold him," called Captain Burgee, dismounting from +Loopy the mate. "He can't get away. Sugar Plum's got him." + +They both rose and the two writhing figures continued to writhe. + +"They're _scratching_," Charles exclaimed. + +He wasn't quite right. The skipper and the mate of the _Beautiful Joe_ +were trying to scratch, but they didn't have enough hands. They were +groaning, and bleating, and begging for aid as they wriggled. + +Cousin Aurelia gave Possett a push with her foot. + +"I'm soaked to the skin," she announced. "Betty, help me off with this +dress. If I don't wring my petticoat out, I'll catch something." + +"Why, Cousin Aurelia!" Charles blurted. "In front of the captain?" + +"And why not?" she demanded. "I have undies on, don't I?" + +The captain broke in, his voice urgent. "We've got to get these +characters back aboard in a hurry! They can't live on Sugar Plum; +they're the wrong kind of people. I started to tell you. They're +allergic to the critters, the trees, the natives--to everything here. +You, Steward!" He beckoned. "Call the crew of the _Beautiful Joe_." + +The robot ran to the ship. It whistled. Immediately, four other robots +appeared. + +"Bosun," said the captain to the one in the lead, "Captain Possett is +ill. He is--er--delirious. The mate, too. Carry them in. And take off +quickly for New Texas." + +"Aye, aye, sir." The bosun saluted. + +They lifted up Possett, who was grunting and swearing. They hoisted the +weasel-faced mate. The hatches clanged shut. Fire burst from the stern. +The ship lifted. + +When there was quiet again, Cousin Aurelia looked at the captain. She +examined him carefully. + +"Hm-m-m," she murmured to Betty. "Not bad. Not bad at all!" + +Then, "Alexander Burgee," she declared, "every bit of this is your +fault. If I hadn't escaped from that man and jumped in the pool--well, I +don't know _what_ might've happened. The least you can do is carry me +back to your house." + + * * * * * + +At midnight, Charles and Betty sat in the living room. They hadn't had +time to get used to the change in Cousin Aurelia and they still looked +at her unbelievingly. She was wearing a gay housecoat of Betty's, too +tight in just the right places. She had let down her hair, tied it with +a ribbon, and she'd put on a gay smear of lipstick. She was exceedingly +merry. + +"I can't imagine how I stood it," she was saying, "for so many years. I +mean, being such an old frump." She laughed brightly. "Why, I was almost +as bad as poor Charlie!" + +"Well, at least I never locked myself in to get away from a pirate," +Charles retorted. + +The captain stood up with a chuckle. "Say, that reminds me." He went to +a bookcase, opened a thick volume, and gave it to Charles. "I want you +to read something here." + +Charles saw that it was _Jane's Dictionary of Space Transportation_. He +looked up enquiringly. + +The captain was pointing at a word. + +"'_Pirate_,'" Charles read, sounding puzzled. "'Pirate, originally a +criminal who attacked and robbed ships at sea (see: Earth, planet) now +obsolete in this sense. At present, term applied to--'" Charles +hesitated--"'to persons engaged in space salvage, especially to captains +of vessels employed in such work.'" + +Charles turned red. Betty flushed. Cousin Aurelia started laughing her +head off. + +"Times change," the captain said soberly. "Do you want me to show you my +license?" + +The Buttons were much too embarrassed to answer. + +"Well, if you don't, I hope you'll excuse us. Aurelia and I would like +to sit in the swing and look at the stars for a while." + +"I want to be told just how far away Boston is," she said as he helped +her to rise. She wrinkled her nose. "I'm certainly glad that here on +Sugar Plum we're safe from the wrong kind of people--all those horrible +Victorians." + +The captain's arm went around her. + +He winked at the Buttons. + +"A few of them weren't so bad," he said gently. "A few of the real +ones." + +And, as they left, he slipped the copy of _Sonnets from the Portuguese_ +into his pocket. + +"Well, now that we've sort of lost Cousin Aurelia," said Betty, "I wish +I could have one of these adorable animals on Sugar Plum for my very +own. As a pet, you know. It might help as a substitute for Cousin +Aurelia's company." + +"And what's wrong with me for a substitute?" Charles wanted to know. "It +seems to me that you can forget Cousin Aurelia for a change and give me +a little consideration." + +She looked at him appraisingly and then at her watch. + +"I never thought of that," she said. "It's time for bed." + + * * * * * + +Later, she sat up, studied him hard for a moment, and shook her head +wistfully. + +"Oh, Charles, you'd be perfect," she said, "if you only had lavender +ears." + +"That shouldn't be much trouble," he answered gravely. "I'll signal a +passing spaceship, get to New Texas and have my ears tattooed. Good +enough?" + +She nuzzled against his neck. + +"Wonderful, darling. It would make you look so--so Bohemian!" + +It was the finest compliment Charles had ever received. + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SUGAR PLUM*** + + +******* This file should be named 32266.txt or 32266.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/3/2/2/6/32266 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. 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