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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/31664-8.txt b/31664-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6a6d71b --- /dev/null +++ b/31664-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1674 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Once a Greech, by Evelyn E. Smith + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Once a Greech + +Author: Evelyn E. Smith + +Illustrator: Dillon + +Release Date: March 16, 2010 [EBook #31664] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ONCE A GREECH *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + + Once a Greech + + By EVELYN E. SMITH + + Illustrated by DILLON + +[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from Galaxy Science Fiction +April 1957. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the +U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] + + +[Sidenote: _The mildest of men, Iversen was capable of murder ... to +disprove Harkaway's hypothesis that in the midst of life, we are in +life!_] + +Just two weeks before the _S. S. Herringbone_ of the Interstellar +Exploration, Examination (and Exploitation) Service was due to start her +return journey to Earth, one of her scouts disconcertingly reported the +discovery of intelligent life in the Virago System. + +"Thirteen planets," Captain Iversen snarled, wishing there were someone +on whom he could place the blame for this mischance, "and we spend a +full year here exploring each one of them with all the resources of +Terrestrial science and technology, and what happens? On the nineteenth +moon of the eleventh planet, intelligent life is discovered. And who has +to discover it? Harkaway, of all people. I thought for sure all the +moons were cinders or I would never have sent him out to them just to +keep him from getting in my hair." + +"The boy's not a bad boy, sir," the first officer said. "Just a thought +incompetent, that's all--which is to be expected if the Service will +choose its officers on the basis of written examinations. I'm glad to +see him make good." + +Iversen would have been glad to see Harkaway make good, too, only such a +concept seemed utterly beyond the bounds of possibility. From the moment +the young man had first set foot on the _S. S. Herringbone_, he had +seemed unable to make anything but bad. Even in such a conglomeration of +fools under Captain Iverson, his idiocy was of outstanding quality. + +The captain, however, had not been wholly beyond reproach in this +instance, as he himself knew. Pity he had made such an error about the +eleventh planet's moons. It was really such a small mistake. Moons one +to eighteen and twenty to forty-six still appeared to be cinders. It was +all too easy for the spectroscope to overlook Flimbot, the nineteenth. + +But it would be Flimbot which had turned out to be a green and pleasant +planet, very similar to Earth. Or so Harkaway reported on the intercom. + +"And the other forty-five aren't really moons at all," he began. +"They're--" + +"You can tell me all that when we reach Flimbot," Iversen interrupted, +"which should be in about six hours. Remember, that intercom uses a lot +of power and we're tight on fuel." + +But it proved to be more than six _days_ later before the ship reached +Flimbot. This was owing to certain mechanical difficulties that arose +when the crew tried to lift the mother ship from the third planet, on +which it was based. For sentimental reasons, the IEE(E) always tried to +establish its prime base on the third planet of a system. Anyhow, when +the _Herringbone_ was on the point of takeoff, it was discovered that +the rock-eating species which was the only life on the third planet had +eaten all the projecting metal parts on the ship, including the +rocket-exhaust tubes, the airlock handles and the chromium trim. + +"I had been wondering what made the little fellows so sick," Smullyan, +the ship's doctor, said. "They went wump, wump, wump all night long, +until my heart bled for them. Ah, everywhere it goes, humanity spreads +the fell seeds of death and destruction--" + +"Are you a doctor or a veterinarian?" Iversen demanded furiously. "By +Betelgeuse, you act as if I'd crammed those blasted tubes down their +stinking little throats!" + +"It was you who invaded their paradise with your ship. It was you--" + +"Shut up!" Iversen yelled. "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!" + +So Dr. Smullyan went off, like many a ship's physician before him, and +got good and drunk on the medical stores. + + * * * * * + +By the time they finally arrived on Flimbot, Harkaway had already gone +native. He appeared at the airlock wearing nothing but a brief, colorful +loincloth of alien fabric and a wreath of flowers in his hair. He was +fondling a large, woolly pink caterpillar. + +[Illustration] + +"Where is your uniform, sir!" Captain Iversen barked, aghast. If there +was one thing he was intolerant of in his command, it was sloppiness. + +"This is the undress uniform of the Royal Flimbotzi Navy, sir. I was +given the privilege of wearing one as a great _msu'gri_--honor--to our +race. If I were to return to my own uniform, it might set back +diplomatic relations between Flimbot and Earth as much as--" + +"All right!" the captain snapped. "All right, all right, all right!" + +He didn't ask any questions about the Royal Flimbotzi Navy. He had +deduced its nature when, on nearing Flimbot, he had discovered that the +eleventh planet actually had only one moon. The other forty-five +celestial objects were spacecraft, quaint and primitive, it was true, +but spacecraft nonetheless. Probably it was their orbital formation that +had made him think they were moons. Oh, the crew must be in great +spirits; they did so enjoy having a good laugh at his expense! + +He looked for something with which to reproach Harkaway, and his eye +lighted on the caterpillar. "What's that thing you're carrying there?" +he barked. + +Raising itself on its tail, the caterpillar barked right back at him. + +Captain Iversen paled. First he had overlooked the spacecraft, and now, +after thirty years of faithful service to the IEE(E) in the less +desirable sectors of space, he had committed the ultimate error in his +first contact with a new form of intelligent life! + +"Sorry, sir," he said, forgetting that the creature--whatever its mental +prowess--could hardly be expected to understand Terran yet. "I am just a +simple spaceman and my ways are crude, but I mean no harm." He whirled +on Harkaway. "I thought you said the natives were humanoid." + +The young officer grinned. "They are. This is just a greech. Cuddly +little fellow, isn't he?" The greech licked Harkaway's face with a +tripartite blue tongue. "The Flimbotzik are mad about pets. Great +animal-lovers. That's how I knew I could trust them right from the +start. Show me a life-form that loves animals, I always say, and--" + +"I'm not interested in what you always say," Iversen interrupted, +knowing Harkaway's premise was fundamentally unsound, because he himself +was the kindliest of all men, and he hated animals. And, although he +didn't hate Harkaway, who was not an animal, save in the strictly +Darwinian sense, he could not repress unsportsmanlike feelings of +bitterness. + +Why couldn't it have been one of the other officers who had discovered +the Flimbotzik? Why must it be Harkaway--the most inept of his scouts, +whose only talent seemed to be the egregious error, who always rushed +into a thing half-cocked, who mistook superficialities for profundities, +Harkaway, the blundering fool, the blithering idiot--who had stumbled +into this greatest discovery of Iversen's career? And, of course, +Harkaway's, too. Well, life was like that and always had been. + +"Have you tested those air and soil samples yet?" Iversen snarled into +his communicator, for his spacesuit was beginning to itch again as the +gentle warmth of Flimbot activated certain small and opportunistic +life-forms which had emigrated from a previous system along with the +Terrans. + +"We're running them through as fast as we can, sir," said a harried +voice. "We can offer you no more than our poor best." + +"But why bother with all that?" Harkaway wanted to know. "This planet is +absolutely safe for human life. I can guarantee it personally." + +"On what basis?" Iversen asked. + +"Well, I've been here two weeks and I've survived, haven't I?" + +"That," Iversen told him, "does not prove that the planet can sustain +human life." + +Harkaway laughed richly. "Wonderful how you can still keep that +marvelous sense of humor, Skipper, after all the things that have been +going wrong on the voyage. Ah, here comes the _flim'tuu_--the welcoming +committee," he said quickly. "They were a little shy before. Because of +the rockets, you know." + +"Don't their ships have any?" + +"They don't seem to. They're really very primitive affairs, barely able +to go from planet to planet." + +"If they _go_," Iversen said, "stands to reason _something_ must power +them." + +"I really don't know what it is," Harkaway retorted defensively. "After +all, even though I've been busy as a beaver, three weeks would hardly +give me time to investigate every aspect of their culture.... Don't you +think the natives are remarkably humanoid?" he changed the subject. + +They were, indeed. Except for a somewhat greenish cast of countenance +and distinctly purple hair, as they approached, in their brief, gay +garments and flower garlands, the natives resembled nothing so much as a +group of idealized South Sea Islanders of the nineteenth century. + +Gigantic butterflies whizzed about their heads. Countless small animals +frisked about their feet--more of the pink caterpillars; bright blue +creatures that were a winsome combination of monkey and koala; a kind of +large, merry-eyed snake that moved by holding its tail in its mouth and +rolling like a hoop. All had faces that reminded the captain of the work +of the celebrated twentieth-century artist W. Disney. + +"By Polaris," he cried in disgust, "I might have known you'd find a +_cute_ planet!" + +"Moon, actually," the first officer said, "since it is in orbit around +Virago XI, rather than Virago itself." + +"Would you have _wanted_ them to be hostile?" Harkaway asked peevishly. +"Honestly, some people never seem to be satisfied." + +From his proprietary airs, one would think Harkaway had created the +natives himself. "At least, with hostile races, you know where you are," +Iversen said. "I always suspect friendly life-forms. Friendliness simply +isn't a natural instinct." + +"Who's being anthropomorphic now!" Harkaway chided. + +Iversen flushed, for he had berated the young man for that particular +fault on more than one occasion. Harkaway was too prone to interpret +alien traits in terms of terrestrial culture. Previously, since all +intelligent life-forms with which the _Herringbone_ had come into +contact had already been discovered by somebody else, that didn't matter +too much. In this instance, however, any mistakes of contact or +interpretation mattered terribly. And Iversen couldn't see Harkaway not +making a mistake; the boy simply didn't have it in him. + +"You know you're superimposing our attitude on theirs," the junior +officer continued tactlessly. "The Flimbotzik are a simple, friendly, +_shig-livi_ people, closely resembling some of our historical +primitives--in a nice way, of course." + +"None of our primitives had space travel," Iversen pointed out. + +"Well, you couldn't really call those things spaceships," Harkaway said +deprecatingly. + +"They go through space, don't they? I don't know what else you'd call +them." + +"One judges the primitiveness of a race by its cultural and +technological institutions," Harkaway said, with a lofty smile. "And +these people are laughably backward. Why, they even believe in +reincarnation--_mpoola_, they call it." + +"How do you know all this?" Iversen demanded. "Don't tell me you profess +to speak the language already?" + +"It's not a difficult language," Harkaway said modestly, "and I have +managed to pick up quite a comprehensive smattering. I dare-say I +haven't caught all the nuances--_heeka lob peeka_, as the Flimbotzik +themselves say--but they are a very simple people and probably they +don't have--" + +"Are we going to keep them waiting," Iversen asked, "while we discuss +nuances? Since you say you speak the language so well, suppose you make +them a pretty speech all about how the Earth government extends the--I +suppose it would be hand, in this instance--of friendship to Flimbot +and--" + +Harkaway blushed. "I sort of did that already, acting as your deputy. +_Mpoo_--status--means so much in these simple societies, you know, and +they seemed to expect something of the sort. However, I'll introduce you +to the Flimflim--the king, you know--" he pointed to an imposing +individual in the forefront of the crowd--"and get over all the +amenities, shall I?" + +"It would be jolly good of you," Iversen said frigidly. + + * * * * * + +It was a pity they hadn't discovered Flimbot much earlier in their +survey of the Virago System, Iversen thought with regret, because it was +truly a pleasant spot and a week was very little time in which to +explore a world and study a race, even one as simple as the gentle +Flimbotzik actually turned out to be. It seemed amazing that they should +have developed anything as advanced as space travel, when their only +ground conveyances were a species of wagon drawn by plookik, a species +of animal. + +But Iversen had no time for further investigation. The _Herringbone's_ +fuel supply was calculated almost to the minute and so, willy-nilly, the +Earthmen had to leave beautiful Flimbot at the end of the week, knowing +little more about the Flimbotzik than they had before they came. Only +Harkaway, who had spent the three previous weeks on Flimbot, had any +further knowledge of the Flimbotzik--and Iversen had little faith in any +data he might have collected. + +"I don't believe Harkaway knows the language nearly as well as he +pretends to," Iversen told the first officer as both of them watched +the young lieutenant make the formal speech of farewell. + +"Come now," the first officer protested. "Seems to me the boy is doing +quite well. Acquired a remarkable command of the language, considering +he's been here only four weeks." + +"Remarkable, I'll grant you, but is it accurate?" + +"He seems to communicate and that is the ultimate objective of language, +is it not?" + +"Then why did the Flimbotzik fill the tanks with wine when I distinctly +told him to ask for water?" + +Of course the ship could synthesize water from its own waste products, +if necessary, but there was no point in resorting to that expedient when +a plentiful supply of pure H_{2}O was available on the world. + +"A very understandable error, sir. Harkaway explained it to me. It seems +the word for water, _m'koog_, is very similar to the word for wine, +_mk'oog_. Harkaway himself admits his pronunciation isn't perfect and--" + +"All right," Iversen interrupted. "What I'd like to know is what +happened to the _mk'oog_, then--" + +"The m'koog, you mean? It's in the tanks." + +"--because, when they came to drain the wine out of the tanks to put the +water in, the tanks were already totally empty." + +"I have no idea," the first officer said frostily, "no idea at all. If +you'll glance at my papers, you'll note I'm Temperance by affiliation, +but if you'd like to search my cabin, anyway, I--" + +"By Miaplacidus, man," Iversen exclaimed, "I wasn't accusing you! Of +that, anyway!" + +Everybody on the vessel was so confoundedly touchy. Lucky they had a +stable commanding officer like himself, or morale would simply go to +pot. + + * * * * * + +"Well, it's all over," Harkaway said, joining them up at the airlock in +one lithe bound--a mean feat in that light gravity. "And a right good +speech, if I do say so myself. The Flimflim says he will count the +thlubbzik with ardent expectation until the mission from Earth arrives +with the promised gifts." + +"Just what gifts did you take it upon yourself to--" Iversen began, when +he was interrupted by a voice behind them crying, "Woe, woe, woe!" + +And, thrusting himself past the three other officers, Dr. Smullyan +addressed the flim'puu, or farewell committee, assembled outside the +ship. "Do not let the Earthmen return to your fair planet, O happily +ignorant Flimbotzik," he declaimed, "lest wretchedness and misery be +your lot as a result. Tell them, 'Hence!' Tell them, 'Begone!' Tell +them, 'Avaunt!' For, know ye, humanity is a blight, a creeping canker--" + +He was interrupted by the captain's broad palm clamping down over his +mouth. + +"Clap him in the brig, somebody, until we get clear of this place," +Iversen ordered wearily. "If Harkaway could pick up the Flimbotzi +language, the odds are that some of the natives have picked up Terran." + +"That's right, always keep belittling me," Harkaway said sulkily as two +of the crewmen carried off the struggling medical officer, who left an +aromatic wake behind him that bore pungent testimonial to where a part, +at least, of the _mk'oog_ had gone. "No wonder it took me so long to +find myself." + +"Oh, have you found yourself at last?" Iversen purred. "Splendid! Now +that you know where you are, supposing you do me a big favor and go lose +yourself again while we make ready for blastoff." + +"For shame," said the first officer as Harkaway stamped off. "For +shame!" + +"The captain's a hard man," observed the chief petty officer, who was +lounging negligently against a wall, doing nothing. + +"Ay, that he is," agreed the crewman who was assisting him. "That he +is--a hard man, indeed." + +"By Caroli, be quiet, all of you!" Iversen yelled. The very next voyage, +he was going to have a new crew if he had to transfer to Colonization to +do it! Even colonists couldn't be as obnoxious as the sons of space with +which he was cursed. + + * * * * * + +It was only after the _Herringbone_ had left the Virago System entirely +that Iversen discovered Harkaway had taken the greech along. + +"But you can't abscond with one of the natives' pets!" he protested, +overlooking, for the sake of rhetoric, the undeniable fact that Harkaway +had already done so and that there could be no turning back. It would +expend too much precious fuel and leave them stranded for life on Virago +XI^a. + +"Nonsense, sir!" Harkaway retorted. "Didn't the Flimflim say everything +on Flimbot was mine? _Thlu'pt shig-nliv, snusnigg bnig-nliv_ were his +very words. Anyhow, they have plenty more greechi. They won't miss this +little one." + +"But he may have belonged to someone," Iversen objected. "An incident +like this could start a war." + +"I don't see how he could have belonged to anyone. Followed me around +most of the time I was there. We've become great pals, haven't we, +little fellow?" He ruffled the greech's pink fur and the creature gave a +delighted squeal. + +Iversen could already see that the greechik were going to be Flimbot's +first lucrative export. From time immemorial, the people of Earth had +been susceptible to cuddly little life-forms, which was why Earth had +nearly been conquered by the zz^{iu} from Sirius VII, before they +discovered them to be hostile and quite intelligent life-forms rather +than a new species of tabby. + +"Couldn't bear to leave him," Harkaway went on as the greech draped +itself around his shoulders and regarded Iversen with large round blue +eyes. "The Flimflim won't mind, because I promised him an elephant." + +"You mean the diplomatic mission will have to waste valuable cargo space +on an _elephant_!" Iversen sputtered. "And you should know, if anyone +does, just how spacesick an elephant can get. By Pherkad, Lieutenant +Harkaway, you had no authority to make any promises to the Flimflim!" + +"I discovered the Flimbotzik," Harkaway said sullenly. "_I_ learned the +language. _I_ established rapport. Just because you happen to be the +commander of this expedition doesn't mean you're God, Captain Iversen!" + +"Harkaway," the captain barked, "this smacks of downright mutiny! Go to +your cabin forthwith and memorize six verses of the Spaceman's Credo!" + +The greech lifted its head and barked back at Iversen, again. "That's my +brave little watch-greech," Harkaway said fondly. "As a matter of fact, +sir," he told the captain, "that was just what I was proposing to do +myself. Go to my cabin, I mean; I have no time to waste on inferior +prose. I plan to spend the rest of the voyage, or such part as I can +spare from my duties--" + +"You're relieved of them," Iversen said grimly. + +"--working on my book. It's all about the doctrine of +_mpoola_--reincarnation, or, if you prefer, metempsychosis. The +Flimbotzi religion is so similar to many of the earlier terrestrial +theologies--Hindu, Greek, Egyptian, Southern Californian--that sometimes +one is almost tempted to stop and wonder if simplicity is not the +essence of truth." + +Iversen knew that, for the sake of discipline, he should not, once he +had ordered Harkaway to his cabin, stop to bandy words, but he was a +chronic word-bandier, having inherited the trait from his stalwart +Viking ancestors. "How can you have learned all about their religion, +their doctrine of reincarnation, in just four ridiculously short weeks?" + +"It's a gift," Harkaway said modestly. + +"Go to your cabin, sir! No, wait a moment!" For, suddenly overcome by a +strange, warm, utterly repulsive emotion, Iversen pointed a quivering +finger at the caterpillar. "Did you bring along the proper food for +that--that thing? Can't have him starving, you know," he added gruffly. +After all, he was a humane man, he told himself; it wasn't that he found +the creature tugging at his heart-strings, or anything like that. + +"Oh, he'll eat anything we eat, sir. As long as it's not meat. All the +species on Flimbot are herbivores. I can't figure out whether the +Flimbotzik themselves are vegetarians because they practice _mpoola_, or +practice _mpoola_ because they're--" + +"I don't want to hear another word about _mpoola_ or about Flimbot!" +Iversen yelled. "Get out of here! And stay away from the library!" + +"I have already exhausted its painfully limited resources, sir." +Harkaway saluted with grace and withdrew to his cabin, wearing the +greech like an affectionate lei about his neck. + + * * * * * + +Iverson heard no more about _mpoola_ from Harkaway--who, though he did +not remain confined to his cabin when he had pursuits to pursue in other +parts of the ship, at least had the tact to keep out of the captain's +way as much as possible--but the rest of his men seemed able to talk of +nothing else. The voyage back from a star system was always longer in +relative terms than the voyage out, because the thrill of new worlds to +explore was gone; already anticipating boredom, the men were ripe for +almost any distraction. + +On one return voyage, the whole crew had set itself to the study of +Hittite with very creditable results. On another, they had all devoted +themselves to the ancient art of alchemy, and, after nearly blowing up +the ship, had come up with an elixir which, although not the +quintessence--as they had, in their initial enthusiasm, alleged--proved +to be an effective cure for hiccups. Patented under the name of +Herringbone Hiccup Shoo, it brought each one of them an income which +would have been enough to support them in more than modest comfort for +the rest of their lives. + +However, the adventurous life seemed to exert an irresistible lure upon +them and they all shipped upon the _Herringbone_ again--much to the +captain's dismay, for he had hoped for a fresh start with a new crew +and there seemed to be no way of getting rid of them short of reaching +retirement age. + +The men weren't quite ready to accept _mpoola_ as a practical +religion--Harkaway hadn't finished his book yet--but as something very +close to it. The concept of reincarnation had always been very appealing +to the human mind, which would rather have envisaged itself perpetuated +in the body of a cockroach than vanishing completely into nothingness. + +"It's all so logical, sir," the first officer told Iversen. "The +individuality or the soul or the psyche--however you want to look at +it--starts the essentially simple cycle of life as a greech--" + +"Why as a greech?" Iversen asked, humoring him for the moment. "There +are lower life-forms on Flimbot." + +"I don't know." The first officer sounded almost testy. "That's where +Harkaway starts the progression." + +"Harkaway! Is there no escaping that cretin's name?" + +"Sir," said the first officer, "may I speak frankly?" + +"No," Iversen said, "you may not." + +"Your skepticism arises less from disbelief than from the fact that you +are jealous of Harkaway because it was he who made the great discovery, +not you." + +"Which great discovery?" Iversen asked, sneering to conceal his hurt at +being so overwhelmingly misunderstood. "Flimbot or _mpoola_?" + +"Both," the first officer said. "You refuse to accept the fact that this +hitherto incompetent youth has at last blossomed forth in the lambent +colors of genius, just as the worthy greech becomes a zkoort, and the +clean-living zkoort in his turn passes on to the next higher plane of +existence, which is, in the Flimbotzik scale--" + +"Spare me the theology, please," Iversen begged. "Once a greech, always +a greech, I say. And I can't help thinking that somehow, somewhere, +Harkaway has committed some horrible error." + +"Humanity is frail, fumbling, futile," Dr. Smullyan declared, coming +upon them so suddenly that both officers jumped. "To err is human, to +forgive divine, and I am an atheist, thank God!" + +"That _mk'oog_ is powerful stuff," the first officer said. "Or so they +tell me," he added. + +"This is more than mere _mk'oog_," Iversen said sourly. "Smullyan has +been too long in space. It hits everyone in the long run--some sooner +than others." + +"Captain," the doctor said, ignoring these remarks as he ignored +everything not on a cosmic level, which included the crew's ailments, +"I am in full agreement with you. Young Harkaway has doomed that pretty +little planet--" + +"Moon," the first officer corrected. "It's a satellite, not a--" + +"We ourselves were doomed _ab origine_, but the tragic flaw inherent in +each one of our pitiful species is contagious, dooming all with whom we +come in contact. And Harkaway is the most infectious carrier on the +ship. Woe, I tell you. Woe!" And, with a hollow moan, the doctor left +them to meditate upon the state of their souls, while he went off to his +secret stores of oblivion. + +"Wonder where he's hidden that _mk'oog_," Iversen brooded. "I've turned +the ship inside out and I haven't been able to locate it." + +The first officer shivered. "Somehow, although I know Smullyan's part +drunk, part mad, he makes me a little nervous. He's been right so often +on all the other voyages." + +"Ruchbah!" Iversen said, not particularly grateful for support from such +a dithyrambic source as the ship's medical officer. "Anyone who +prophesies doom has a hundred per cent chance of ultimately being right, +if only because of entropy." + +He was still brooding over the first officer's thrust, even though he +had been well aware that most of his officers and men considered him a +sorehead for doubting Harkaway in the young man's moment of triumph. +However, Iversen could not believe that Harkaway had undergone such a +radical transformation. Even on the basis of _mpoola_, one obviously had +to die before passing on to the next existence and Harkaway had been +continuously alive--from the neck down, at least. + +Furthermore, all that aside, Iversen just couldn't see Harkaway going on +to a higher plane. Although he supposed the young man was well-meaning +enough--he'd grant him that negligible virtue--wouldn't it be terrible +to have a system of existence in which one was advanced on the basis of +intent rather than result? The higher life-forms would degenerate into +primitivism. + +But weren't the Flimbotzik virtually primitive? Or so Harkaway had said, +for Iversen himself had not had enough contact with them to determine +their degree of sophistication, and only the spaceships gave Harkaway's +claim the lie. + + * * * * * + +Iversen condescended to take a look at the opening chapter of Harkaway's +book, just to see what the whole thing was about. The book began: + +"What is the difference between life and death? Can we say definitely +and definitively that life is life and death is death? Are we sure that +death is not life and life is not death? + +"No, we are not sure! + +"Must the individuality have a corporeal essence in which to enshroud +itself before it can proceed in its rapt, inexorable progress toward the +Ultimate Non-actuality? And even if such be needful, why must the +personal essence be trammeled by the same old worn-out habiliments of +error? + +"Think upon this! + +"What is the extremest intensification of individuality? It is the +All-encompassing Nothingness. Of what value are the fur, the feathers, +the skin, the temporal trappings of imperfection in our perpetual +struggle toward the final undefinable resolution into the Infinite +Interplay of Cosmic Forces? + +"Less than nothing!" + +At this point, Iversen stopped reading and returned the manuscript to +its creator, without a word. This last was less out of self-restraint +than through sheer semantic inadequacy. + +The young man might have spent his time more profitably in a little +research on the biology or social organization of the Flimbotzik, +Iversen thought bitterly when he had calmed down, thus saving the next +expedition some work. But, instead, he'd been blinded by the flashy +theological aspects of the culture and, as a result, the whole crew had +gone metempsychotic. + +This was going to be one of the _Herringbone's_ more unendurable +voyages, Iversen knew. And he couldn't put his foot down effectively, +either, because the crew, all being gentlemen of independent means now, +were outrageously independent. + +However, in spite of knowing that all of them fully deserved what they +got, Iversen couldn't help feeling guilty as he ate steak while the +other officers consumed fish, vegetables and eggs in an aura of +unbearable virtue. + +"But if the soul transmigrates and not the body," he argued, "what harm +is there in consuming the vacated receptacle?" + +"For all you know," the first officer said, averting his eyes from +Iversen's plate with a little--wholly gratuitous, to the captain's +mind--shudder, "that cow might have housed the psyche of your +grandmother." + +"Well, then, by indirectly participating in that animal's slaughter, I +have released my grandmother from her physical bondage to advance to the +next plane. That is, if she was a good cow." + +"You just don't understand," Harkaway said. "Not that you could be +expected to." + +"He's a clod," the radio operator agreed. "Forgive me, sir," he +apologized as Iversen turned to glare incredulously at him, "but, +according to _mpoola_, candor is a Step Upward." + +"Onward and Upward," Harkaway commented, and Iversen was almost sure +that, had he not been there, the men would have bowed their heads in +contemplation, if not actual prayer. + + * * * * * + +As time went on, the greech thrived and grew remarkably stout on the +Earth viands, which it consumed in almost improbable quantities. Then, +one day, it disappeared and its happy squeal was heard no longer. + +There was much mourning aboard the _Herringbone_--for, with its lovable +personality and innocently engaging ways, the little fellow had won its +way into the hearts of all the spacemen--until the first officer +discovered a substantial pink cocoon resting on the ship's control board +and rushed to the intercom to spread the glad tidings. That was a breach +of regulations, of course, but Iversen knew when not to crowd his +fragile authority. + +"I should have known there was some material basis for the spiritual +doctrine of _mpoola_," Harkaway declared with tears in his eyes as he +regarded the dormant form of his little pet. "Was it not the +transformation of the caterpillar into the butterfly that first showed +us on Earth how the soul might emerge winged and beautiful from its vile +house of clay? Gentlemen," he said, in a voice choked with emotion, "our +little greech is about to become a zkoort. Praised be the Impersonal +Being who has allowed such a miracle to take place before our very eyes. +_J'goona lo mpoona_." + +"Amen," said the first officer reverently. + +All those in the control room bowed their heads except Iversen. And even +he didn't quite have the nerve to tell them that the cocoon was pushing +the _Herringbone_ two points off course. + + * * * * * + +"Take that thing away before I lose my temper and clobber it," Iversen +said impatiently as the zkoort dived low to buzz him, then whizzed just +out of its reach on its huge, brilliant wings, giggling raucously. + +[Illustration] + +"He was just having his bit of fun," the first officer said with +reproach. "Have you no tolerance, Captain, no appreciation of the joys +of golden youth?" + +"A spaceship is no place for a butterfly," Iversen said, "especially a +four-foot butterfly." + +"How can you say that?" Harkaway retorted. "The _Herringbone_ is the +only spaceship that ever had one, to my knowledge. And I think I can +safely say our lives are all a bit brighter and better and _m'poo'p_ +for having a zkoort among us. Thanks be to the Divine Nonentity for--" + +"Poor little butterfly," Dr. Smullyan declared sonorously, "living out +his brief life span so far from the fresh air, the sunshine, the pretty +flowers--" + +"Oh, I don't know that it's as bad as all that," the first officer said. +"He hangs around hydroponics a lot and he gets a daily ration of +vitamins." Then he paled. "But that's right--a butterfly does live only +a day, doesn't it?" + +"It's different with a zkoort," Harkaway maintained stoutly, though he +also, Iversen noted, lost his ruddy color. "After all, he isn't really a +butterfly, merely an analogous life-form." + +"My, my! In four weeks, you've mastered their entomology as well as +their theology and language," Iversen jeered. "Is there no end to your +accomplishments, Lieutenant?" + +Harkaway's color came back twofold. "He's already been around half a +_thubb_," he pointed out. "Over two weeks." + +"Well, the thing _is_ bigger than a Terrestrial butterfly," Iversen +conceded, "so you have to make some allowances for size. On the other +hand--" + +Laughing madly, the zkoort swooped down on him. Iversen beat it away +with a snarl. + +"Playful little fellow, isn't he?" the first officer said, with +thoroughly annoying fondness. + +"He likes you, Skipper," Harkaway explained. "_Urg'h n gurg'h_--or, to +give it the crude Terran equivalent, living is loving. He can tell that +beneath that grizzled and seemingly harsh exterior of yours, Captain--" + +But, with a scream of rage, Iversen had locked himself into his cabin. +Outside, he could hear the zkoort beating its wings against the door and +wailing disappointedly. + + * * * * * + +Some days later, a pair of rapidly dulling wings were found on the floor +of the hydroponics chamber. But of the zkoort's little body, there was +no sign. An air of gloom and despondency hung over the _Herringbone_ and +even Iversen felt a pang, though he would never admit it without +brainwashing. + +During the next week, the men, seeking to forget their loss, plunged +themselves into _mpoola_ with real fanaticism. Harkaway took to wearing +some sort of ecclesiastical robes which he whipped up out of the +recreation room curtains. Iversen had neither the heart nor the courage +to stop him, though this, too, was against regulations. Everyone except +Iversen gave up eating fish and eggs in addition to meat. + +Then, suddenly, one day a roly-poly blue animal appeared at the officers +mess, claiming everyone as an old friend with loud squeals of joy. This +time, Iversen was the only one who was glad to see him--really glad. + +"Aren't you happy to see your little friend again, Harkaway?" he asked, +scratching the delighted animal between the ears. + +"Why, sure," Harkaway said, putting his fork down and leaving his +vegetable _macédoine_ virtually untasted. "Sure. I'm very happy--" his +voice broke--"very happy." + +"Of course, it does kind of knock your theory of the transmigration of +souls into a cocked hat," the captain grinned. "Because, in order for +the soul to transmigrate, the previous body's got to be dead, and I'm +afraid our little pal here was alive all the time." + +"Looks it, doesn't it?" muttered Harkaway. + +"I rather think," Iversen went on, tickling the creature under the chin +until it squealed happily, "that you didn't _quite_ get the nuances of +the language, did you, Harkaway? Because I gather now that the whole +difficulty was a semantic one. The Flimbotzik were explaining the +zoology of the native life-forms to you and you misunderstood it as +their theology." + +"Looks it, doesn't it?" Harkaway repeated glumly. "It certainly looks +it." + +"Cheer up," Iversen said, reaching over to slap the young man on the +back--a bit to his own amazement. "No real harm done. What if the +Flimbotzik are less primitive than you fancied? It makes our discovery +the more worthwhile, doesn't it?" + +At this point, the radio operator almost sobbingly asked to be excused +from the table. Following his departure, there was a long silence. It +was hard, Iversen realized in a burst of uncharacteristic tolerance, to +have one's belief, even so newly born a credo, annihilated with such +suddenness. + +"After all, you did run across the Flimbotzik first," he told Harkaway +as he spread gooseberry jam on a hard roll for the ravenous ex-zkoort +(now a chu-wugg, he had been told). "That's the main thing, and a +life-form that passes through two such striking metamorphoses is not +unfraught with interest. You shall receive full credit, my boy, and your +little mistake doesn't mean a thing except--" + +"Doom," said Dr. Smullyan, sopping up the last of his gravy with a piece +of bread. "Doom, doom, doom." He stuffed the bread into his mouth. + +"Look, Smullyan," Iversen told him jovially, "you better watch out. If +you keep talking that way, next voyage out we'll sign on a parrot +instead of a medical officer. Cheaper and just as efficient." + +Only the chu-wugg joined in his laughter. + +"Ever since I can remember," the first officer said, looking gloomily at +the doctor, "he's never been wrong. Maybe _he_ has powers beyond our +comprehension. Perhaps we sought at the end of the Galaxy what was in +our own back yard all the time." + +"Who was seeking what?" Iversen asked as all the officers looked at +Smullyan with respectful awe. "I demand an answer!" + +But the only one who spoke was the doctor. "Only Man is vile," he said, +as if to himself, and fell asleep with his head on the table. + +"Make a cult out of Smullyan," Iversen warned the others, "and I'll +scuttle the ship!" + +Later on, the first officer got the captain alone. "Look here, sir," he +began tensely, "have you read Harkaway's book about _mpoola_?" + +"I read part of the first chapter," Iversen told him, "and that was +enough. Maybe to Harkaway it's eschatology, but to me it's just plain +scatology!" + +"But--" + +"Why in Zubeneschamali," Iversen said patiently, "should I waste my time +reading a book devoted to a theory which has already been proved +erroneous? Answer me that!" + +"I think you should have a look at the whole thing," the first officer +persisted. + +"Baham!" Iversen replied, but amiably enough, for he was in rare good +humor these days. And he needed good humor to tolerate the way his +officers and men were behaving. All right, they had made idiots of +themselves; that was understandable, expected, familiar. But it wasn't +the chu-wugg's fault. Iversen had never seen such a bunch of soreheads. +Why did they have to take their embarrassment and humiliation out on an +innocent little animal? + +For, although no one actually mistreated the chu-wugg, the men avoided +him as much as possible. Often Iversen would come upon the little fellow +weeping from loneliness in a corner with no one to play with and, giving +in to his own human weakness, the captain would dry the creature's +tears and comfort him. In return, the chu-wugg would laugh at all his +jokes, for he seemed to have acquired an elementary knowledge of Terran. + + * * * * * + +"By Vindemiatrix, Lieutenant," the captain roared as Harkaway, foiled in +his attempt to scurry off unobserved, stood quivering before him, "why +have you been avoiding me like this?" + +"I didn't think I was avoiding you any particular way, sir," Harkaway +said. "I mean does it appear like that, sir? It's only that I've been +busy with my duties, sir." + +"I don't know what's the matter with you! I told you I handsomely +forgave you for your mistake." + +"But I can never forgive myself, sir--" + +"Are you trying to go over my head?" Iversen thundered. + +"No, sir. I--" + +"If I am willing to forgive you, you will forgive yourself. That's an +order!" + +"Yes, sir," the young man said feebly. + +Harkaway had changed back to his uniform, Iversen noted, but he looked +unkempt, ill, harrowed. The boy had really been suffering for his +precipitance. Perhaps the captain himself had been a little hard on him. + +Iversen modulated his tone to active friendliness. "Thought you might +like to know the chu-wugg turned into a hoop-snake this morning!" + +But Harkaway did not seem cheered by this social note. "So soon!" + +"You knew there would be a fourth metamorphosis!" Iversen was +disappointed. But he realized that Harkaway was bound to have acquired +such fundamental data, no matter how he interpreted them. It was +possible, Iversen thought, that the book could actually have some value, +if there were some way of weeding fact from fancy, and surely there must +be scholars trained in such an art, for Earth had many wholly indigenous +texts of like nature. + +"He's a thor'glitch now," Harkaway told him dully. + +"And what comes next?... No, don't tell me. It's more fun not knowing +beforehand. You know," Iversen went on, almost rubbing his hands +together, "I think this species is going to excite more interest on +Earth than the Flimbotzik themselves. After all, people are people, even +if they're green, but an animal that changes shape so many times and so +radically is really going to set biologists by the ears. What did you +say the name of the species as a whole was?" + +"I--I couldn't say, sir." + +"Ah," Iversen remarked waggishly, "so there are one or two things you +don't know about Flimbot, eh?" + +Harkaway opened his mouth, but only a faint bleating sound came out. + + * * * * * + +As the days went on, Iversen found himself growing fonder and fonder of +the thor'glitch. Finally, in spite of the fact that it had now attained +the dimensions of a well-developed boa constrictor, he took it to live +in his quarters. + +Many was the quiet evening they spent together, Iversen entering acid +comments upon the crew in the ship's log, while the thor'glitch looked +over viewtapes from the ship's library. + +The captain was surprised to find how much he--well, enjoyed this +domestic tranquility. I must be growing old, he thought--old and mellow. +And he named the creature Bridey, after a twentieth-century figure who +had, he believed, been connected with another metempsychotic furor. + +When the thor'glitch grew listless and began to swell in the middle, +Iversen got alarmed and sent for Dr. Smullyan. + +"Aha!" the medical officer declaimed, with a casual glance at the +suffering snake. "The day of reckoning is at hand! Reap the fruit of +your transgression, scurvy humans! Calamity approaches with jets +aflame!" + +Iversen clutched the doctor's sleeve. "Is he--is he going to die?" + +"Unhand me, presumptuous navigator!" Dr. Smullyan shook the captain's +fingers off his arm. "I didn't say he was going to die," he offered in +ordinary bedside tones. "Not being a specialist in this particular +sector, I am not qualified to offer an opinion, but, strictly off the +record, I would hazard the guess that he's about to metamorphose again." + +"He never did it in public before," Iversen said worriedly. + +"The old order changeth," Smullyan told him. "You'd better call +Harkaway." + +"What does _he_ know!" + +"Too little and, at the same time, too much," the doctor declaimed, +dissociating himself professionally from the case. "Too much and too +little. Eat, drink, be merry, iniquitous Earthmen, for you died +yesterday!" + +"Oh, shut up," Iversen said automatically, and dispatched a message to +Harkaway with the information that the thor'glitch appeared to be +metamorphosing again and that his presence was requested in the +captain's cabin. + +[Illustration] + +The rest of the officers accompanied Harkaway, all of them with the air +of attending a funeral rather than a rebirth, Iversen noted nervously. +They weren't armed, though, so Bridey couldn't be turning into anything +dangerous. + + * * * * * + +Now it came to pass that the thor'glitch's mid-section, having swelled +to unbearable proportions, began to quiver. Suddenly, the skin split +lengthwise and dropped cleanly to either side, like a banana peel. + +Iversen pressed forward to see what fresh life-form the bulging cavity +had held. The other officers all stood in a somber row without moving, +for all along, Iversen realized, they had known what to expect, what was +to come. And they had not told him. But then, he knew, it was his own +fault; he had refused to be told. + +Now, looking down at the new life-form, he saw for himself what it was. +Lying languidly in the thor'glitch skin was a slender youth of a pallor +which seemed excessive even for a member of a green-skinned race. He had +large limpid eyes and a smile of ineffable sweetness. + +"By Nopus Secundus," Iversen groaned. "I'm sunk." + +"Naturally the ultimate incarnation for a life-form would be humanoid," +Harkaway said with deep reproach. "What else?" + +"I'm surprised you didn't figure that out for yourself, sir," the first +officer added. "Even if you did refuse to read Harkaway's book, it seems +obvious." + +"Does it?" Smullyan challenged. "Does it, indeed? Is Man the highest +form of life in an irrational cosmos? Then all causes are lost ones!... +So many worlds," he muttered in more subdued tones, "so much to do, so +little done, such things to be!" + +"The Flimbotzik were telling Harkaway about their _own_ life cycle," +Iversen whispered as revelation bathed him in its murky light. "The +human embryo undergoes a series of changes _inside_ the womb. It's just +that the Flimbotzik fetus develops _outside_ the womb." + +"Handily bypassing the earliest and most unpleasant stages of humanity," +Smullyan sighed. "Oh, idyllic planet, where one need never be a +child--where one need never see a child!" + +"Then they were trying to explain their biology to you quite clearly and +coherently, you lunkhead," Iversen roared at Harkaway, "and you took it +for a religious doctrine!" + +"Yes, sir," Harkaway said weakly. "I--I kind of figured that out myself +in these last few weeks of intensive soul-searching. I--I'm sorry, sir. +All I can say is that it was an honest mistake." + +"Why, they weren't necessarily pet-lovers at all. Those animals they had +with them were.... By Nair al Zaurak!" The captain's voice rose to a +shriek as the whole enormity of the situation finally dawned upon him. +"You went and kidnaped one of the children!" + +"That's a serious charge, kidnaping," the first officer said with +melancholy pleasure. "And you, as head of this expedition, Captain, are +responsible. Ironic, isn't it?" + +"Told you all this spelled doom and disaster," the doctor observed +cheerfully. + +Just then, the young humanoid sat up--with considerable effort, Iversen +was disturbed to notice. But perhaps that was one of the consequences of +being born. A new-born infant was weak; why not a new-born adult, then? + +"Why doom?" the humanoid asked in a high, clear voice. "Why disaster?" + +"You--you speak Terran?" the captain stammered. + +Bridey gave his sad, sweet smile. "I was reared amongst you. You are my +people. Why should I not speak your tongue?" + +"But we're not your people," Iversen blurted, thinking perhaps the youth +did not remember back to his greechi days. "We're an entirely different +species--" + +"Our souls vibrate in unison and that is the vital essence. But do not +be afraid, shipmates; the Flimbotzik do not regard the abduction of a +transitory corporeal shelter as a matter of any great moment. Moreover, +what took place could not rightly be termed abduction, for I came with +you of my own volition--and the Flimbotzik recognize individual +responsibility from the very first moment of the psyche's drawing breath +in any material casing." + +Bridey talked so much like Harkaway's book that Iversen was almost +relieved when, a few hours later, the alien died. Of course the captain +was worried about possible repercussions from the governments of both +Terra and Flimbot, in spite of Bridey's assurances. + +And he could not help but feel a pang when the young humanoid expired in +his arms, murmuring, "Do not grieve for me, soul-mates. In the midst of +life, there is life...." + +"Funny," Smullyan said, with one of his disconcerting returns to a +professional manner, "all the other forms seemed perfectly healthy. Why +did this one go like that? Almost as if he _wanted_ to die." + +"He was too good for this ship, that's what," the radio operator said, +glaring at the captain. "Too fine and brave and--and noble." + +"Yes," Harkaway agreed. "What truly sensitive soul could exist in a +stultifying atmosphere like this?" + +All the officers glared at the captain. He glared back with right good +will. "How come you gentlemen are still with us?" he inquired. "One +would have thought you would have perished of pure sensibility long +since, then." + +"It's not nice to talk that way," the chief petty officer burst out, +"not with him lying there not yet cold.... Ah," he heaved a long sigh, +"we'll never see his like again." + +"Ay, that we won't," agreed the crew, huddled in the corridor outside +the captain's cabin. + +Iversen sincerely hoped not, but he forbore to speak. + + * * * * * + +Since Bridey had reached the ultimate point in his life cycle, it seemed +certain that he was not going to change into anything else and so he was +given a spaceman's burial. Feeling like a put-upon fool, Captain Iversen +read a short prayer as Bridey's slight body was consigned to the vast +emptiness of space. + +Then the airlock clanged shut behind the last mortal remains of the +ill-fated extraterrestrial and that was the end of it. + +But the funereal atmosphere did not diminish as the ship forged on +toward Earth. Gloomy days passed, one after the other, during which no +one spoke, save to issue or dispute an order. Looking at himself one day +in the mirror on his cabin wall, the captain realized that he was +getting old. Perhaps he ought to retire instead of still dreaming of a +new command and a new crew. + +And then one day, as he sat in his cabin reading the Spaceman's Credo, +the lights on the _Herringbone_ went out, all at once, while the +constant hum of the motors died down slowly, leaving a strange, +uncomfortable silence. Iversen found himself suspended weightless in the +dark, for the gravity, of course, had gone off with the power. What, he +wondered, had come to pass? He often found himself thinking in such +terms these days. + +Hoarse cries issued from the passageway outside; then he heard a squeak +as his cabin door opened and persons unknown floated inside, breathing +heavily. + +"The power has failed, sir!" gasped the first officer's voice. + +"That has not escaped my notice," Iversen said icily. Were not even his +last moments to be free from persecution? + +"It's all that maniac Smullyan's fault. He stored his _mk'oog_ in the +fuel tanks. After emptying them out first, that is. We're out of fuel." + +The captain put a finger in his book to mark his place, which was, he +knew with a kind of supernal detachment, rather foolish, because there +was no prospect of there ever being lights to read by again. + +"Put him in irons, if you can find him," he ordered. "And tell the men +to prepare themselves gracefully for a lingering death." + +Iversen could hear a faint creak as the first officer drew himself to +attention in the darkness. "The men of the _Herringbone_, sir," he said, +stiffly, "are always prepared for calamity." + +"Ay, that we are," agreed various voices. + +So they were all there, were they? Well, it was too much to expect that +they would leave him in death any more than they had in life. + +"It is well," Iversen said. "It is well," he repeated, unable to think +of anything more fitting. + +Suddenly the lights went on again and the ship gave a leap. From his +sprawling position on the floor, amid his recumbent officers, Iversen +could hear the hum of motors galvanized into life. + +"But if the fuel tanks are empty," he asked of no one in particular, +"where did the power come from?" + +"I am the power," said a vast, deep voice that filled the ship from hold +to hold. + +"And the glory," said the radio operator reverently. "Don't forget the +glory." + +"No," the voice replied and it was the voice of Bridey, resonant with +all the amplitude of the immense chest cavity he had acquired. "Not the +glory, merely the power. I have reached a higher plane of existence. I +am a spaceship." + +"Praise be to the Ultimate Nothingness!" Harkaway cried. + +"Ultimate Nothingness, nothing!" Bridey said impatiently. "I achieved it +all myself." + +"Then that's how the Flimbotzi spaceships were powered!" Iversen +exclaimed. "By themselves--the Flimbotzik themselves, I mean--" + +"Even so," Bridey replied grandly. "And this lofty form of life happens +to be one which we poor humans cannot reach unassisted. Someone has to +build the shell for us to occupy, which is the reason humans dwell +together in fellowship and harmony--" + +"You purposely got Harkaway to take you aboard the _Herringbone_," +Iversen interrupted wrathfully. "You--you stowaway!" + +Bridey's laugh rang through the ship, setting the loose parts quivering. +"Of course. When first I set eyes upon this vessel of yours, I saw +before me the epitome of all dreams. Never had any of our kind so +splendid an encasement. And, upon determining that the vessel was, as +yet, a soulless thing, I got myself aboard; I was born, I died, and was +reborn again with the greatest swiftness consonant with comfort, so that +I could awaken in this magnificent form. Oh, joy, joy, joy!" + +"You know," Iversen said, "now that I hear one of you talk at length, I +really can't blame Harkaway for his typically imbecilic mistake." + +"We are a wordy species," Bridey conceded. + +"You had no right to do what you did," Iversen told him, "no right to +take over--" + +"But I didn't take over," Bridey the _Herringbone_ said complacently. "I +merely remained quiescent and content in the knowledge of my power until +yours failed. Without me, you would even now be spinning in the vasty +voids, a chrome-trimmed sepulcher. Now, three times as swiftly as +before, shall I bear you back to the planet you very naively call home." + +"Not three times as fast, please!" Iversen was quick to plead. "The ship +isn't built--_we're_ not built to stand such speeds." + +The ship sighed. "Disappointment needs must come to all--the high, the +low, the man, the spaceship. It must be borne--" the voice +broke--"bravely. Somehow." + +"What am I going to do?" Iversen asked, turning to the first officer for +advice for the first time ever. "I was planning to ask for a transfer or +resign my command when we got back to Earth. But how can I leave Bridey +in the hands of the IEE(E)?" + +"You can't, sir," the first officer said. "Neither can we." + +"If you explain," Harkaway offered timidly, "perhaps they'll present the +ship to the government." + +Both Iversen and the first officer snorted, united for once. "Not the +IEE(E)," Iversen said. "They'd--they'd exhibit it or something and +charge admission." + +"Oh, no," Bridey cried, "I don't want to be exhibited! I want to sail +through the trackless paths of space. What good is a body like this if I +cannot use it to its fullest?" + +"Have no fear," Iversen assured it. "We'll just--" he shrugged, his +dreams of escape forever blighted--"just have to buy the ship from the +IEE(E), that's all." + +"Right you are, sir," the first officer agreed. "We must club together, +every man Jack of us, and buy her. Him. It. That's the only decent thing +to do." + +"Perhaps they won't sell," Harkaway worried. "Maybe--" + +"Oh, they'll sell, all right," Iversen said wearily. "They'd sell the +chairman of the board, if you made them an offer, and throw in all the +directors if the price was right." + +"And then what will we do?" the first officer asked. "Once the ship has +been purchased, what will our course be? What, in other words, are we to +do?" + +It was Bridey who answered. "We will speed through space seeking, +learning, searching, until you--all of you--pass on to higher planes +and, leaving the frail shells you now inhabit, occupy proud, splendid +vessels like the one I wear now. Then, a vast transcendent flotilla, we +will seek other universes...." + +"But we don't become spaceships," Iversen said unhappily. "We don't +become anything." + +"How do you know we don't?" Smullyan demanded, appearing on the +threshold. "How do you know what we become? Build thee more stately +spaceships, O my soul!" + +Above all else, Iversen was a space officer and dereliction of duty +could not be condoned even in exceptional circumstances. "Put him in +irons, somebody!" + +"Ask Bridey why there were only forty-five spaceships on his planet!" +the doctor yelled over his shoulder as he was dragged off. "Ask where +the others went--where they are now." + +But Bridey wouldn't answer that question. + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Once a Greech, by Evelyn E. Smith + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ONCE A GREECH *** + +***** This file should be named 31664-8.txt or 31664-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/3/1/6/6/31664/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Smith + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Once a Greech + +Author: Evelyn E. Smith + +Illustrator: Dillon + +Release Date: March 16, 2010 [EBook #31664] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ONCE A GREECH *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<div class="figcenter"> +<img src="images/cover.jpg" alt=""/> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + + +<h1>Once a Greech</h1> + +<h2>By EVELYN E. SMITH</h2> + +<h3>Illustrated by DILLON</h3> + +<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from Galaxy Science Fiction +April 1957. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the +U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<div class="sidenote"><i>The mildest of men, Iversen was capable of murder ... to +disprove Harkaway's hypothesis that in the midst of life, we are in +life!</i></div> + +<p>Just two weeks before the <i>S. S. Herringbone</i> of the Interstellar +Exploration, Examination (and Exploitation) Service was due to start her +return journey to Earth, one of her scouts disconcertingly reported the +discovery of intelligent life in the Virago System.</p> + +<p>"Thirteen planets," Captain Iversen snarled, wishing there were someone +on whom he could place the blame for this mischance, "and we spend a +full year here exploring each one of them with all the resources of +Terrestrial science and technology, and what happens? On the nineteenth +moon of the eleventh planet, intelligent life is discovered. And who has +to discover it? Harkaway, of all people. I thought for sure all the +moons were cinders or I would never have sent him out to them just to +keep him from getting in my hair."</p> + +<p>"The boy's not a bad boy, sir," the first officer said. "Just a thought +incompetent, that's all—which is to be expected if the Service will +choose its officers on the basis of written examinations. I'm glad to +see him make good."</p> + +<p>Iversen would have been glad to see Harkaway make good, too, only such a +concept seemed utterly beyond the bounds of possibility. From the moment +the young man had first set foot on the <i>S. S. Herringbone</i>, he had +seemed unable to make anything but bad. Even in such a conglomeration of +fools under Captain Iverson, his idiocy was of outstanding quality.</p> + +<p>The captain, however, had not been wholly beyond reproach in this +instance, as he himself knew. Pity he had made such an error about the +eleventh planet's moons. It was really such a small mistake. Moons one +to eighteen and twenty to forty-six still appeared to be cinders. It was +all too easy for the spectroscope to overlook Flimbot, the nineteenth.</p> + +<p>But it would be Flimbot which had turned out to be a green and pleasant +planet, very similar to Earth. Or so Harkaway reported on the intercom.</p> + +<p>"And the other forty-five aren't really moons at all," he began. +"They're—"</p> + +<p>"You can tell me all that when we reach Flimbot," Iversen interrupted, +"which should be in about six hours. Remember, that intercom uses a lot +of power and we're tight on fuel."</p> + +<p>But it proved to be more than six <i>days</i> later before the ship reached +Flimbot. This was owing to certain mechanical difficulties that arose +when the crew tried to lift the mother ship from the third planet, on +which it was based. For sentimental reasons, the IEE(E) always tried to +establish its prime base on the third planet of a system. Anyhow, when +the <i>Herringbone</i> was on the point of takeoff, it was discovered that +the rock-eating species which was the only life on the third planet had +eaten all the projecting metal parts on the ship, including the +rocket-exhaust tubes, the airlock handles and the chromium trim.</p> + +<p>"I had been wondering what made the little fellows so sick," Smullyan, +the ship's doctor, said. "They went wump, wump, wump all night long, +until my heart bled for them. Ah, everywhere it goes, humanity spreads +the fell seeds of death and destruction—"</p> + +<p>"Are you a doctor or a veterinarian?" Iversen demanded furiously. "By +Betelgeuse, you act as if I'd crammed those blasted tubes down their +stinking little throats!"</p> + +<p>"It was you who invaded their paradise with your ship. It was you—"</p> + +<p>"Shut up!" Iversen yelled. "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!"</p> + +<p>So Dr. Smullyan went off, like many a ship's physician before him, and +got good and drunk on the medical stores.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>By the time they finally arrived on Flimbot, Harkaway had already gone +native. He appeared at the airlock wearing nothing but a brief, colorful +loincloth of alien fabric and a wreath of flowers in his hair. He was +fondling a large, woolly pink caterpillar.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<div class="figcenter"> +<a name="illus1" id="illus1"></a> +<img src="images/illus1.jpg" alt=""/> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p>"Where is your uniform, sir!" Captain Iversen barked, aghast. If there +was one thing he was intolerant of in his command, it was sloppiness.</p> + +<p>"This is the undress uniform of the Royal Flimbotzi Navy, sir. I was +given the privilege of wearing one as a great <i>msu'gri</i>—honor—to our +race. If I were to return to my own uniform, it might set back +diplomatic relations between Flimbot and Earth as much as—"</p> + +<p>"All right!" the captain snapped. "All right, all right, all right!"</p> + +<p>He didn't ask any questions about the Royal Flimbotzi Navy. He had +deduced its nature when, on nearing Flimbot, he had discovered that the +eleventh planet actually had only one moon. The other forty-five +celestial objects were spacecraft, quaint and primitive, it was true, +but spacecraft nonetheless. Probably it was their orbital formation that +had made him think they were moons. Oh, the crew must be in great +spirits; they did so enjoy having a good laugh at his expense!</p> + +<p>He looked for something with which to reproach Harkaway, and his eye +lighted on the caterpillar. "What's that thing you're carrying there?" +he barked.</p> + +<p>Raising itself on its tail, the caterpillar barked right back at him.</p> + +<p>Captain Iversen paled. First he had overlooked the spacecraft, and now, +after thirty years of faithful service to the IEE(E) in the less +desirable sectors of space, he had committed the ultimate error in his +first contact with a new form of intelligent life!</p> + +<p>"Sorry, sir," he said, forgetting that the creature—whatever its mental +prowess—could hardly be expected to understand Terran yet. "I am just a +simple spaceman and my ways are crude, but I mean no harm." He whirled +on Harkaway. "I thought you said the natives were humanoid."</p> + +<p>The young officer grinned. "They are. This is just a greech. Cuddly +little fellow, isn't he?" The greech licked Harkaway's face with a +tripartite blue tongue. "The Flimbotzik are mad about pets. Great +animal-lovers. That's how I knew I could trust them right from the +start. Show me a life-form that loves animals, I always say, and—"</p> + +<p>"I'm not interested in what you always say," Iversen interrupted, +knowing Harkaway's premise was fundamentally unsound, because he himself +was the kindliest of all men, and he hated animals. And, although he +didn't hate Harkaway, who was not an animal, save in the strictly +Darwinian sense, he could not repress unsportsmanlike feelings of +bitterness.</p> + +<p>Why couldn't it have been one of the other officers who had discovered +the Flimbotzik? Why must it be Harkaway—the most inept of his scouts, +whose only talent seemed to be the egregious error, who always rushed +into a thing half-cocked, who mistook superficialities for profundities, +Harkaway, the blundering fool, the blithering idiot—who had stumbled +into this greatest discovery of Iversen's career? And, of course, +Harkaway's, too. Well, life was like that and always had been.</p> + +<p>"Have you tested those air and soil samples yet?" Iversen snarled into +his communicator, for his spacesuit was beginning to itch again as the +gentle warmth of Flimbot activated certain small and opportunistic +life-forms which had emigrated from a previous system along with the +Terrans.</p> + +<p>"We're running them through as fast as we can, sir," said a harried +voice. "We can offer you no more than our poor best."</p> + +<p>"But why bother with all that?" Harkaway wanted to know. "This planet is +absolutely safe for human life. I can guarantee it personally."</p> + +<p>"On what basis?" Iversen asked.</p> + +<p>"Well, I've been here two weeks and I've survived, haven't I?"</p> + +<p>"That," Iversen told him, "does not prove that the planet can sustain +human life."</p> + +<p>Harkaway laughed richly. "Wonderful how you can still keep that +marvelous sense of humor, Skipper, after all the things that have been +going wrong on the voyage. Ah, here comes the <i>flim'tuu</i>—the welcoming +committee," he said quickly. "They were a little shy before. Because of +the rockets, you know."</p> + +<p>"Don't their ships have any?"</p> + +<p>"They don't seem to. They're really very primitive affairs, barely able +to go from planet to planet."</p> + +<p>"If they <i>go</i>," Iversen said, "stands to reason <i>something</i> must power +them."</p> + +<p>"I really don't know what it is," Harkaway retorted defensively. "After +all, even though I've been busy as a beaver, three weeks would hardly +give me time to investigate every aspect of their culture.... Don't you +think the natives are remarkably humanoid?" he changed the subject.</p> + +<p>They were, indeed. Except for a somewhat greenish cast of countenance +and distinctly purple hair, as they approached, in their brief, gay +garments and flower garlands, the natives resembled nothing so much as a +group of idealized South Sea Islanders of the nineteenth century.</p> + +<p>Gigantic butterflies whizzed about their heads. Countless small animals +frisked about their feet—more of the pink caterpillars; bright blue +creatures that were a winsome combination of monkey and koala; a kind of +large, merry-eyed snake that moved by holding its tail in its mouth and +rolling like a hoop. All had faces that reminded the captain of the work +of the celebrated twentieth-century artist W. Disney.</p> + +<p>"By Polaris," he cried in disgust, "I might have known you'd find a +<i>cute</i> planet!"</p> + +<p>"Moon, actually," the first officer said, "since it is in orbit around +Virago XI, rather than Virago itself."</p> + +<p>"Would you have <i>wanted</i> them to be hostile?" Harkaway asked peevishly. +"Honestly, some people never seem to be satisfied."</p> + +<p>From his proprietary airs, one would think Harkaway had created the +natives himself. "At least, with hostile races, you know where you are," +Iversen said. "I always suspect friendly life-forms. Friendliness simply +isn't a natural instinct."</p> + +<p>"Who's being anthropomorphic now!" Harkaway chided.</p> + +<p>Iversen flushed, for he had berated the young man for that particular +fault on more than one occasion. Harkaway was too prone to interpret +alien traits in terms of terrestrial culture. Previously, since all +intelligent life-forms with which the <i>Herringbone</i> had come into +contact had already been discovered by somebody else, that didn't matter +too much. In this instance, however, any mistakes of contact or +interpretation mattered terribly. And Iversen couldn't see Harkaway not +making a mistake; the boy simply didn't have it in him.</p> + +<p>"You know you're superimposing our attitude on theirs," the junior +officer continued tactlessly. "The Flimbotzik are a simple, friendly, +<i>shig-livi</i> people, closely resembling some of our historical +primitives—in a nice way, of course."</p> + +<p>"None of our primitives had space travel," Iversen pointed out.</p> + +<p>"Well, you couldn't really call those things spaceships," Harkaway said +deprecatingly.</p> + +<p>"They go through space, don't they? I don't know what else you'd call +them."</p> + +<p>"One judges the primitiveness of a race by its cultural and +technological institutions," Harkaway said, with a lofty smile. "And +these people are laughably backward. Why, they even believe in +reincarnation—<i>mpoola</i>, they call it."</p> + +<p>"How do you know all this?" Iversen demanded. "Don't tell me you profess +to speak the language already?"</p> + +<p>"It's not a difficult language," Harkaway said modestly, "and I have +managed to pick up quite a comprehensive smattering. I dare-say I +haven't caught all the nuances—<i>heeka lob peeka</i>, as the Flimbotzik +themselves say—but they are a very simple people and probably they +don't have—"</p> + +<p>"Are we going to keep them waiting," Iversen asked, "while we discuss +nuances? Since you say you speak the language so well, suppose you make +them a pretty speech all about how the Earth government extends the—I +suppose it would be hand, in this instance—of friendship to Flimbot +and—"</p> + +<p>Harkaway blushed. "I sort of did that already, acting as your deputy. +<i>Mpoo</i>—status—means so much in these simple societies, you know, and +they seemed to expect something of the sort. However, I'll introduce you +to the Flimflim—the king, you know—" he pointed to an imposing +individual in the forefront of the crowd—"and get over all the +amenities, shall I?"</p> + +<p>"It would be jolly good of you," Iversen said frigidly.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>It was a pity they hadn't discovered Flimbot much earlier in their +survey of the Virago System, Iversen thought with regret, because it was +truly a pleasant spot and a week was very little time in which to +explore a world and study a race, even one as simple as the gentle +Flimbotzik actually turned out to be. It seemed amazing that they should +have developed anything as advanced as space travel, when their only +ground conveyances were a species of wagon drawn by plookik, a species +of animal.</p> + +<p>But Iversen had no time for further investigation. The <i>Herringbone's</i> +fuel supply was calculated almost to the minute and so, willy-nilly, the +Earthmen had to leave beautiful Flimbot at the end of the week, knowing +little more about the Flimbotzik than they had before they came. Only +Harkaway, who had spent the three previous weeks on Flimbot, had any +further knowledge of the Flimbotzik—and Iversen had little faith in any +data he might have collected.</p> + +<p>"I don't believe Harkaway knows the language nearly as well as he +pretends to," Iversen told the first officer as both of them watched +the young lieutenant make the formal speech of farewell.</p> + +<p>"Come now," the first officer protested. "Seems to me the boy is doing +quite well. Acquired a remarkable command of the language, considering +he's been here only four weeks."</p> + +<p>"Remarkable, I'll grant you, but is it accurate?"</p> + +<p>"He seems to communicate and that is the ultimate objective of language, +is it not?"</p> + +<p>"Then why did the Flimbotzik fill the tanks with wine when I distinctly +told him to ask for water?"</p> + +<p>Of course the ship could synthesize water from its own waste products, +if necessary, but there was no point in resorting to that expedient when +a plentiful supply of pure H<sub>2</sub>O was available on the world.</p> + +<p>"A very understandable error, sir. Harkaway explained it to me. It seems +the word for water, <i>m'koog</i>, is very similar to the word for wine, +<i>mk'oog</i>. Harkaway himself admits his pronunciation isn't perfect and—"</p> + +<p>"All right," Iversen interrupted. "What I'd like to know is what +happened to the <i>mk'oog</i>, then—"</p> + +<p>"The m'koog, you mean? It's in the tanks."</p> + +<p>"—because, when they came to drain the wine out of the tanks to put the +water in, the tanks were already totally empty."</p> + +<p>"I have no idea," the first officer said frostily, "no idea at all. If +you'll glance at my papers, you'll note I'm Temperance by affiliation, +but if you'd like to search my cabin, anyway, I—"</p> + +<p>"By Miaplacidus, man," Iversen exclaimed, "I wasn't accusing you! Of +that, anyway!"</p> + +<p>Everybody on the vessel was so confoundedly touchy. Lucky they had a +stable commanding officer like himself, or morale would simply go to +pot.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>"Well, it's all over," Harkaway said, joining them up at the airlock in +one lithe bound—a mean feat in that light gravity. "And a right good +speech, if I do say so myself. The Flimflim says he will count the +thlubbzik with ardent expectation until the mission from Earth arrives +with the promised gifts."</p> + +<p>"Just what gifts did you take it upon yourself to—" Iversen began, when +he was interrupted by a voice behind them crying, "Woe, woe, woe!"</p> + +<p>And, thrusting himself past the three other officers, Dr. Smullyan +addressed the flim'puu, or farewell committee, assembled outside the +ship. "Do not let the Earthmen return to your fair planet, O happily +ignorant Flimbotzik," he declaimed, "lest wretchedness and misery be +your lot as a result. Tell them, 'Hence!' Tell them, 'Begone!' Tell +them, 'Avaunt!' For, know ye, humanity is a blight, a creeping canker—"</p> + +<p>He was interrupted by the captain's broad palm clamping down over his +mouth.</p> + +<p>"Clap him in the brig, somebody, until we get clear of this place," +Iversen ordered wearily. "If Harkaway could pick up the Flimbotzi +language, the odds are that some of the natives have picked up Terran."</p> + +<p>"That's right, always keep belittling me," Harkaway said sulkily as two +of the crewmen carried off the struggling medical officer, who left an +aromatic wake behind him that bore pungent testimonial to where a part, +at least, of the <i>mk'oog</i> had gone. "No wonder it took me so long to +find myself."</p> + +<p>"Oh, have you found yourself at last?" Iversen purred. "Splendid! Now +that you know where you are, supposing you do me a big favor and go lose +yourself again while we make ready for blastoff."</p> + +<p>"For shame," said the first officer as Harkaway stamped off. "For +shame!"</p> + +<p>"The captain's a hard man," observed the chief petty officer, who was +lounging negligently against a wall, doing nothing.</p> + +<p>"Ay, that he is," agreed the crewman who was assisting him. "That he +is—a hard man, indeed."</p> + +<p>"By Caroli, be quiet, all of you!" Iversen yelled. The very next voyage, +he was going to have a new crew if he had to transfer to Colonization to +do it! Even colonists couldn't be as obnoxious as the sons of space with +which he was cursed.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>It was only after the <i>Herringbone</i> had left the Virago System entirely +that Iversen discovered Harkaway had taken the greech along.</p> + +<p>"But you can't abscond with one of the natives' pets!" he protested, +overlooking, for the sake of rhetoric, the undeniable fact that Harkaway +had already done so and that there could be no turning back. It would +expend too much precious fuel and leave them stranded for life on Virago +XI^a.</p> + +<p>"Nonsense, sir!" Harkaway retorted. "Didn't the Flimflim say everything +on Flimbot was mine? <i>Thlu'pt shig-nliv, snusnigg bnig-nliv</i> were his +very words. Anyhow, they have plenty more greechi. They won't miss this +little one."</p> + +<p>"But he may have belonged to someone," Iversen objected. "An incident +like this could start a war."</p> + +<p>"I don't see how he could have belonged to anyone. Followed me around +most of the time I was there. We've become great pals, haven't we, +little fellow?" He ruffled the greech's pink fur and the creature gave a +delighted squeal.</p> + +<p>Iversen could already see that the greechik were going to be Flimbot's +first lucrative export. From time immemorial, the people of Earth had +been susceptible to cuddly little life-forms, which was why Earth had +nearly been conquered by the zz<sup>iu</sup> from Sirius VII, before they +discovered them to be hostile and quite intelligent life-forms rather +than a new species of tabby.</p> + +<p>"Couldn't bear to leave him," Harkaway went on as the greech draped +itself around his shoulders and regarded Iversen with large round blue +eyes. "The Flimflim won't mind, because I promised him an elephant."</p> + +<p>"You mean the diplomatic mission will have to waste valuable cargo space +on an <i>elephant</i>!" Iversen sputtered. "And you should know, if anyone +does, just how spacesick an elephant can get. By Pherkad, Lieutenant +Harkaway, you had no authority to make any promises to the Flimflim!"</p> + +<p>"I discovered the Flimbotzik," Harkaway said sullenly. "<i>I</i> learned the +language. <i>I</i> established rapport. Just because you happen to be the +commander of this expedition doesn't mean you're God, Captain Iversen!"</p> + +<p>"Harkaway," the captain barked, "this smacks of downright mutiny! Go to +your cabin forthwith and memorize six verses of the Spaceman's Credo!"</p> + +<p>The greech lifted its head and barked back at Iversen, again. "That's my +brave little watch-greech," Harkaway said fondly. "As a matter of fact, +sir," he told the captain, "that was just what I was proposing to do +myself. Go to my cabin, I mean; I have no time to waste on inferior +prose. I plan to spend the rest of the voyage, or such part as I can +spare from my duties—"</p> + +<p>"You're relieved of them," Iversen said grimly.</p> + +<p>"—working on my book. It's all about the doctrine of +<i>mpoola</i>—reincarnation, or, if you prefer, metempsychosis. The +Flimbotzi religion is so similar to many of the earlier terrestrial +theologies—Hindu, Greek, Egyptian, Southern Californian—that sometimes +one is almost tempted to stop and wonder if simplicity is not the +essence of truth."</p> + +<p>Iversen knew that, for the sake of discipline, he should not, once he +had ordered Harkaway to his cabin, stop to bandy words, but he was a +chronic word-bandier, having inherited the trait from his stalwart +Viking ancestors. "How can you have learned all about their religion, +their doctrine of reincarnation, in just four ridiculously short weeks?"</p> + +<p>"It's a gift," Harkaway said modestly.</p> + +<p>"Go to your cabin, sir! No, wait a moment!" For, suddenly overcome by a +strange, warm, utterly repulsive emotion, Iversen pointed a quivering +finger at the caterpillar. "Did you bring along the proper food for +that—that thing? Can't have him starving, you know," he added gruffly. +After all, he was a humane man, he told himself; it wasn't that he found +the creature tugging at his heart-strings, or anything like that.</p> + +<p>"Oh, he'll eat anything we eat, sir. As long as it's not meat. All the +species on Flimbot are herbivores. I can't figure out whether the +Flimbotzik themselves are vegetarians because they practice <i>mpoola</i>, or +practice <i>mpoola</i> because they're—"</p> + +<p>"I don't want to hear another word about <i>mpoola</i> or about Flimbot!" +Iversen yelled. "Get out of here! And stay away from the library!"</p> + +<p>"I have already exhausted its painfully limited resources, sir." +Harkaway saluted with grace and withdrew to his cabin, wearing the +greech like an affectionate lei about his neck.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Iverson heard no more about <i>mpoola</i> from Harkaway—who, though he did +not remain confined to his cabin when he had pursuits to pursue in other +parts of the ship, at least had the tact to keep out of the captain's +way as much as possible—but the rest of his men seemed able to talk of +nothing else. The voyage back from a star system was always longer in +relative terms than the voyage out, because the thrill of new worlds to +explore was gone; already anticipating boredom, the men were ripe for +almost any distraction.</p> + +<p>On one return voyage, the whole crew had set itself to the study of +Hittite with very creditable results. On another, they had all devoted +themselves to the ancient art of alchemy, and, after nearly blowing up +the ship, had come up with an elixir which, although not the +quintessence—as they had, in their initial enthusiasm, alleged—proved +to be an effective cure for hiccups. Patented under the name of +Herringbone Hiccup Shoo, it brought each one of them an income which +would have been enough to support them in more than modest comfort for +the rest of their lives.</p> + +<p>However, the adventurous life seemed to exert an irresistible lure upon +them and they all shipped upon the <i>Herringbone</i> again—much to the +captain's dismay, for he had hoped for a fresh start with a new crew +and there seemed to be no way of getting rid of them short of reaching +retirement age.</p> + +<p>The men weren't quite ready to accept <i>mpoola</i> as a practical +religion—Harkaway hadn't finished his book yet—but as something very +close to it. The concept of reincarnation had always been very appealing +to the human mind, which would rather have envisaged itself perpetuated +in the body of a cockroach than vanishing completely into nothingness.</p> + +<p>"It's all so logical, sir," the first officer told Iversen. "The +individuality or the soul or the psyche—however you want to look at +it—starts the essentially simple cycle of life as a greech—"</p> + +<p>"Why as a greech?" Iversen asked, humoring him for the moment. "There +are lower life-forms on Flimbot."</p> + +<p>"I don't know." The first officer sounded almost testy. "That's where +Harkaway starts the progression."</p> + +<p>"Harkaway! Is there no escaping that cretin's name?"</p> + +<p>"Sir," said the first officer, "may I speak frankly?"</p> + +<p>"No," Iversen said, "you may not."</p> + +<p>"Your skepticism arises less from disbelief than from the fact that you +are jealous of Harkaway because it was he who made the great discovery, +not you."</p> + +<p>"Which great discovery?" Iversen asked, sneering to conceal his hurt at +being so overwhelmingly misunderstood. "Flimbot or <i>mpoola</i>?"</p> + +<p>"Both," the first officer said. "You refuse to accept the fact that this +hitherto incompetent youth has at last blossomed forth in the lambent +colors of genius, just as the worthy greech becomes a zkoort, and the +clean-living zkoort in his turn passes on to the next higher plane of +existence, which is, in the Flimbotzik scale—"</p> + +<p>"Spare me the theology, please," Iversen begged. "Once a greech, always +a greech, I say. And I can't help thinking that somehow, somewhere, +Harkaway has committed some horrible error."</p> + +<p>"Humanity is frail, fumbling, futile," Dr. Smullyan declared, coming +upon them so suddenly that both officers jumped. "To err is human, to +forgive divine, and I am an atheist, thank God!"</p> + +<p>"That <i>mk'oog</i> is powerful stuff," the first officer said. "Or so they +tell me," he added.</p> + +<p>"This is more than mere <i>mk'oog</i>," Iversen said sourly. "Smullyan has +been too long in space. It hits everyone in the long run—some sooner +than others."</p> + +<p>"Captain," the doctor said, ignoring these remarks as he ignored +everything not on a cosmic level, which included the crew's ailments, +"I am in full agreement with you. Young Harkaway has doomed that pretty +little planet—"</p> + +<p>"Moon," the first officer corrected. "It's a satellite, not a—"</p> + +<p>"We ourselves were doomed <i>ab origine</i>, but the tragic flaw inherent in +each one of our pitiful species is contagious, dooming all with whom we +come in contact. And Harkaway is the most infectious carrier on the +ship. Woe, I tell you. Woe!" And, with a hollow moan, the doctor left +them to meditate upon the state of their souls, while he went off to his +secret stores of oblivion.</p> + +<p>"Wonder where he's hidden that <i>mk'oog</i>," Iversen brooded. "I've turned +the ship inside out and I haven't been able to locate it."</p> + +<p>The first officer shivered. "Somehow, although I know Smullyan's part +drunk, part mad, he makes me a little nervous. He's been right so often +on all the other voyages."</p> + +<p>"Ruchbah!" Iversen said, not particularly grateful for support from such +a dithyrambic source as the ship's medical officer. "Anyone who +prophesies doom has a hundred per cent chance of ultimately being right, +if only because of entropy."</p> + +<p>He was still brooding over the first officer's thrust, even though he +had been well aware that most of his officers and men considered him a +sorehead for doubting Harkaway in the young man's moment of triumph. +However, Iversen could not believe that Harkaway had undergone such a +radical transformation. Even on the basis of <i>mpoola</i>, one obviously had +to die before passing on to the next existence and Harkaway had been +continuously alive—from the neck down, at least.</p> + +<p>Furthermore, all that aside, Iversen just couldn't see Harkaway going on +to a higher plane. Although he supposed the young man was well-meaning +enough—he'd grant him that negligible virtue—wouldn't it be terrible +to have a system of existence in which one was advanced on the basis of +intent rather than result? The higher life-forms would degenerate into +primitivism.</p> + +<p>But weren't the Flimbotzik virtually primitive? Or so Harkaway had said, +for Iversen himself had not had enough contact with them to determine +their degree of sophistication, and only the spaceships gave Harkaway's +claim the lie.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Iversen condescended to take a look at the opening chapter of Harkaway's +book, just to see what the whole thing was about. The book began:</p> + +<p>"What is the difference between life and death? Can we say definitely +and definitively that life is life and death is death? Are we sure that +death is not life and life is not death?</p> + +<p>"No, we are not sure!</p> + +<p>"Must the individuality have a corporeal essence in which to enshroud +itself before it can proceed in its rapt, inexorable progress toward the +Ultimate Non-actuality? And even if such be needful, why must the +personal essence be trammeled by the same old worn-out habiliments of +error?</p> + +<p>"Think upon this!</p> + +<p>"What is the extremest intensification of individuality? It is the +All-encompassing Nothingness. Of what value are the fur, the feathers, +the skin, the temporal trappings of imperfection in our perpetual +struggle toward the final undefinable resolution into the Infinite +Interplay of Cosmic Forces?</p> + +<p>"Less than nothing!"</p> + +<p>At this point, Iversen stopped reading and returned the manuscript to +its creator, without a word. This last was less out of self-restraint +than through sheer semantic inadequacy.</p> + +<p>The young man might have spent his time more profitably in a little +research on the biology or social organization of the Flimbotzik, +Iversen thought bitterly when he had calmed down, thus saving the next +expedition some work. But, instead, he'd been blinded by the flashy +theological aspects of the culture and, as a result, the whole crew had +gone metempsychotic.</p> + +<p>This was going to be one of the <i>Herringbone's</i> more unendurable +voyages, Iversen knew. And he couldn't put his foot down effectively, +either, because the crew, all being gentlemen of independent means now, +were outrageously independent.</p> + +<p>However, in spite of knowing that all of them fully deserved what they +got, Iversen couldn't help feeling guilty as he ate steak while the +other officers consumed fish, vegetables and eggs in an aura of +unbearable virtue.</p> + +<p>"But if the soul transmigrates and not the body," he argued, "what harm +is there in consuming the vacated receptacle?"</p> + +<p>"For all you know," the first officer said, averting his eyes from +Iversen's plate with a little—wholly gratuitous, to the captain's +mind—shudder, "that cow might have housed the psyche of your +grandmother."</p> + +<p>"Well, then, by indirectly participating in that animal's slaughter, I +have released my grandmother from her physical bondage to advance to the +next plane. That is, if she was a good cow."</p> + +<p>"You just don't understand," Harkaway said. "Not that you could be +expected to."</p> + +<p>"He's a clod," the radio operator agreed. "Forgive me, sir," he +apologized as Iversen turned to glare incredulously at him, "but, +according to <i>mpoola</i>, candor is a Step Upward."</p> + +<p>"Onward and Upward," Harkaway commented, and Iversen was almost sure +that, had he not been there, the men would have bowed their heads in +contemplation, if not actual prayer.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>As time went on, the greech thrived and grew remarkably stout on the +Earth viands, which it consumed in almost improbable quantities. Then, +one day, it disappeared and its happy squeal was heard no longer.</p> + +<p>There was much mourning aboard the <i>Herringbone</i>—for, with its lovable +personality and innocently engaging ways, the little fellow had won its +way into the hearts of all the spacemen—until the first officer +discovered a substantial pink cocoon resting on the ship's control board +and rushed to the intercom to spread the glad tidings. That was a breach +of regulations, of course, but Iversen knew when not to crowd his +fragile authority.</p> + +<p>"I should have known there was some material basis for the spiritual +doctrine of <i>mpoola</i>," Harkaway declared with tears in his eyes as he +regarded the dormant form of his little pet. "Was it not the +transformation of the caterpillar into the butterfly that first showed +us on Earth how the soul might emerge winged and beautiful from its vile +house of clay? Gentlemen," he said, in a voice choked with emotion, "our +little greech is about to become a zkoort. Praised be the Impersonal +Being who has allowed such a miracle to take place before our very eyes. +<i>J'goona lo mpoona</i>."</p> + +<p>"Amen," said the first officer reverently.</p> + +<p>All those in the control room bowed their heads except Iversen. And even +he didn't quite have the nerve to tell them that the cocoon was pushing +the <i>Herringbone</i> two points off course.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>"Take that thing away before I lose my temper and clobber it," Iversen +said impatiently as the zkoort dived low to buzz him, then whizzed just +out of its reach on its huge, brilliant wings, giggling raucously.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<div class="figcenter"> +<a name="illus2" id="illus2"></a> +<img src="images/illus2.jpg" alt=""/> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p>"He was just having his bit of fun," the first officer said with +reproach. "Have you no tolerance, Captain, no appreciation of the joys +of golden youth?"</p> + +<p>"A spaceship is no place for a butterfly," Iversen said, "especially a +four-foot butterfly."</p> + +<p>"How can you say that?" Harkaway retorted. "The <i>Herringbone</i> is the +only spaceship that ever had one, to my knowledge. And I think I can +safely say our lives are all a bit brighter and better and <i>m'poo'p</i> +for having a zkoort among us. Thanks be to the Divine Nonentity for—"</p> + +<p>"Poor little butterfly," Dr. Smullyan declared sonorously, "living out +his brief life span so far from the fresh air, the sunshine, the pretty +flowers—"</p> + +<p>"Oh, I don't know that it's as bad as all that," the first officer said. +"He hangs around hydroponics a lot and he gets a daily ration of +vitamins." Then he paled. "But that's right—a butterfly does live only +a day, doesn't it?"</p> + +<p>"It's different with a zkoort," Harkaway maintained stoutly, though he +also, Iversen noted, lost his ruddy color. "After all, he isn't really a +butterfly, merely an analogous life-form."</p> + +<p>"My, my! In four weeks, you've mastered their entomology as well as +their theology and language," Iversen jeered. "Is there no end to your +accomplishments, Lieutenant?"</p> + +<p>Harkaway's color came back twofold. "He's already been around half a +<i>thubb</i>," he pointed out. "Over two weeks."</p> + +<p>"Well, the thing <i>is</i> bigger than a Terrestrial butterfly," Iversen +conceded, "so you have to make some allowances for size. On the other +hand—"</p> + +<p>Laughing madly, the zkoort swooped down on him. Iversen beat it away +with a snarl.</p> + +<p>"Playful little fellow, isn't he?" the first officer said, with +thoroughly annoying fondness.</p> + +<p>"He likes you, Skipper," Harkaway explained. "<i>Urg'h n gurg'h</i>—or, to +give it the crude Terran equivalent, living is loving. He can tell that +beneath that grizzled and seemingly harsh exterior of yours, Captain—"</p> + +<p>But, with a scream of rage, Iversen had locked himself into his cabin. +Outside, he could hear the zkoort beating its wings against the door and +wailing disappointedly.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Some days later, a pair of rapidly dulling wings were found on the floor +of the hydroponics chamber. But of the zkoort's little body, there was +no sign. An air of gloom and despondency hung over the <i>Herringbone</i> and +even Iversen felt a pang, though he would never admit it without +brainwashing.</p> + +<p>During the next week, the men, seeking to forget their loss, plunged +themselves into <i>mpoola</i> with real fanaticism. Harkaway took to wearing +some sort of ecclesiastical robes which he whipped up out of the +recreation room curtains. Iversen had neither the heart nor the courage +to stop him, though this, too, was against regulations. Everyone except +Iversen gave up eating fish and eggs in addition to meat.</p> + +<p>Then, suddenly, one day a roly-poly blue animal appeared at the officers +mess, claiming everyone as an old friend with loud squeals of joy. This +time, Iversen was the only one who was glad to see him—really glad.</p> + +<p>"Aren't you happy to see your little friend again, Harkaway?" he asked, +scratching the delighted animal between the ears.</p> + +<p>"Why, sure," Harkaway said, putting his fork down and leaving his +vegetable <i>macédoine</i> virtually untasted. "Sure. I'm very happy—" his +voice broke—"very happy."</p> + +<p>"Of course, it does kind of knock your theory of the transmigration of +souls into a cocked hat," the captain grinned. "Because, in order for +the soul to transmigrate, the previous body's got to be dead, and I'm +afraid our little pal here was alive all the time."</p> + +<p>"Looks it, doesn't it?" muttered Harkaway.</p> + +<p>"I rather think," Iversen went on, tickling the creature under the chin +until it squealed happily, "that you didn't <i>quite</i> get the nuances of +the language, did you, Harkaway? Because I gather now that the whole +difficulty was a semantic one. The Flimbotzik were explaining the +zoology of the native life-forms to you and you misunderstood it as +their theology."</p> + +<p>"Looks it, doesn't it?" Harkaway repeated glumly. "It certainly looks +it."</p> + +<p>"Cheer up," Iversen said, reaching over to slap the young man on the +back—a bit to his own amazement. "No real harm done. What if the +Flimbotzik are less primitive than you fancied? It makes our discovery +the more worthwhile, doesn't it?"</p> + +<p>At this point, the radio operator almost sobbingly asked to be excused +from the table. Following his departure, there was a long silence. It +was hard, Iversen realized in a burst of uncharacteristic tolerance, to +have one's belief, even so newly born a credo, annihilated with such +suddenness.</p> + +<p>"After all, you did run across the Flimbotzik first," he told Harkaway +as he spread gooseberry jam on a hard roll for the ravenous ex-zkoort +(now a chu-wugg, he had been told). "That's the main thing, and a +life-form that passes through two such striking metamorphoses is not +unfraught with interest. You shall receive full credit, my boy, and your +little mistake doesn't mean a thing except—"</p> + +<p>"Doom," said Dr. Smullyan, sopping up the last of his gravy with a piece +of bread. "Doom, doom, doom." He stuffed the bread into his mouth.</p> + +<p>"Look, Smullyan," Iversen told him jovially, "you better watch out. If +you keep talking that way, next voyage out we'll sign on a parrot +instead of a medical officer. Cheaper and just as efficient."</p> + +<p>Only the chu-wugg joined in his laughter.</p> + +<p>"Ever since I can remember," the first officer said, looking gloomily at +the doctor, "he's never been wrong. Maybe <i>he</i> has powers beyond our +comprehension. Perhaps we sought at the end of the Galaxy what was in +our own back yard all the time."</p> + +<p>"Who was seeking what?" Iversen asked as all the officers looked at +Smullyan with respectful awe. "I demand an answer!"</p> + +<p>But the only one who spoke was the doctor. "Only Man is vile," he said, +as if to himself, and fell asleep with his head on the table.</p> + +<p>"Make a cult out of Smullyan," Iversen warned the others, "and I'll +scuttle the ship!"</p> + +<p>Later on, the first officer got the captain alone. "Look here, sir," he +began tensely, "have you read Harkaway's book about <i>mpoola</i>?"</p> + +<p>"I read part of the first chapter," Iversen told him, "and that was +enough. Maybe to Harkaway it's eschatology, but to me it's just plain +scatology!"</p> + +<p>"But—"</p> + +<p>"Why in Zubeneschamali," Iversen said patiently, "should I waste my time +reading a book devoted to a theory which has already been proved +erroneous? Answer me that!"</p> + +<p>"I think you should have a look at the whole thing," the first officer +persisted.</p> + +<p>"Baham!" Iversen replied, but amiably enough, for he was in rare good +humor these days. And he needed good humor to tolerate the way his +officers and men were behaving. All right, they had made idiots of +themselves; that was understandable, expected, familiar. But it wasn't +the chu-wugg's fault. Iversen had never seen such a bunch of soreheads. +Why did they have to take their embarrassment and humiliation out on an +innocent little animal?</p> + +<p>For, although no one actually mistreated the chu-wugg, the men avoided +him as much as possible. Often Iversen would come upon the little fellow +weeping from loneliness in a corner with no one to play with and, giving +in to his own human weakness, the captain would dry the creature's +tears and comfort him. In return, the chu-wugg would laugh at all his +jokes, for he seemed to have acquired an elementary knowledge of Terran.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>"By Vindemiatrix, Lieutenant," the captain roared as Harkaway, foiled in +his attempt to scurry off unobserved, stood quivering before him, "why +have you been avoiding me like this?"</p> + +<p>"I didn't think I was avoiding you any particular way, sir," Harkaway +said. "I mean does it appear like that, sir? It's only that I've been +busy with my duties, sir."</p> + +<p>"I don't know what's the matter with you! I told you I handsomely +forgave you for your mistake."</p> + +<p>"But I can never forgive myself, sir—"</p> + +<p>"Are you trying to go over my head?" Iversen thundered.</p> + +<p>"No, sir. I—"</p> + +<p>"If I am willing to forgive you, you will forgive yourself. That's an +order!"</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir," the young man said feebly.</p> + +<p>Harkaway had changed back to his uniform, Iversen noted, but he looked +unkempt, ill, harrowed. The boy had really been suffering for his +precipitance. Perhaps the captain himself had been a little hard on him.</p> + +<p>Iversen modulated his tone to active friendliness. "Thought you might +like to know the chu-wugg turned into a hoop-snake this morning!"</p> + +<p>But Harkaway did not seem cheered by this social note. "So soon!"</p> + +<p>"You knew there would be a fourth metamorphosis!" Iversen was +disappointed. But he realized that Harkaway was bound to have acquired +such fundamental data, no matter how he interpreted them. It was +possible, Iversen thought, that the book could actually have some value, +if there were some way of weeding fact from fancy, and surely there must +be scholars trained in such an art, for Earth had many wholly indigenous +texts of like nature.</p> + +<p>"He's a thor'glitch now," Harkaway told him dully.</p> + +<p>"And what comes next?... No, don't tell me. It's more fun not knowing +beforehand. You know," Iversen went on, almost rubbing his hands +together, "I think this species is going to excite more interest on +Earth than the Flimbotzik themselves. After all, people are people, even +if they're green, but an animal that changes shape so many times and so +radically is really going to set biologists by the ears. What did you +say the name of the species as a whole was?"</p> + +<p>"I—I couldn't say, sir."</p> + +<p>"Ah," Iversen remarked waggishly, "so there are one or two things you +don't know about Flimbot, eh?"</p> + +<p>Harkaway opened his mouth, but only a faint bleating sound came out.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>As the days went on, Iversen found himself growing fonder and fonder of +the thor'glitch. Finally, in spite of the fact that it had now attained +the dimensions of a well-developed boa constrictor, he took it to live +in his quarters.</p> + +<p>Many was the quiet evening they spent together, Iversen entering acid +comments upon the crew in the ship's log, while the thor'glitch looked +over viewtapes from the ship's library.</p> + +<p>The captain was surprised to find how much he—well, enjoyed this +domestic tranquility. I must be growing old, he thought—old and mellow. +And he named the creature Bridey, after a twentieth-century figure who +had, he believed, been connected with another metempsychotic furor.</p> + +<p>When the thor'glitch grew listless and began to swell in the middle, +Iversen got alarmed and sent for Dr. Smullyan.</p> + +<p>"Aha!" the medical officer declaimed, with a casual glance at the +suffering snake. "The day of reckoning is at hand! Reap the fruit of +your transgression, scurvy humans! Calamity approaches with jets +aflame!"</p> + +<p>Iversen clutched the doctor's sleeve. "Is he—is he going to die?"</p> + +<p>"Unhand me, presumptuous navigator!" Dr. Smullyan shook the captain's +fingers off his arm. "I didn't say he was going to die," he offered in +ordinary bedside tones. "Not being a specialist in this particular +sector, I am not qualified to offer an opinion, but, strictly off the +record, I would hazard the guess that he's about to metamorphose again."</p> + +<p>"He never did it in public before," Iversen said worriedly.</p> + +<p>"The old order changeth," Smullyan told him. "You'd better call +Harkaway."</p> + +<p>"What does <i>he</i> know!"</p> + +<p>"Too little and, at the same time, too much," the doctor declaimed, +dissociating himself professionally from the case. "Too much and too +little. Eat, drink, be merry, iniquitous Earthmen, for you died +yesterday!"</p> + +<p>"Oh, shut up," Iversen said automatically, and dispatched a message to +Harkaway with the information that the thor'glitch appeared to be +metamorphosing again and that his presence was requested in the +captain's cabin.</p> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<div class="figcenter"> +<a name="illus3" id="illus3"></a> +<img src="images/illus3.jpg" alt=""/> +</div> + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p>The rest of the officers accompanied Harkaway, all of them with the air +of attending a funeral rather than a rebirth, Iversen noted nervously. +They weren't armed, though, so Bridey couldn't be turning into anything +dangerous.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Now it came to pass that the thor'glitch's mid-section, having swelled +to unbearable proportions, began to quiver. Suddenly, the skin split +lengthwise and dropped cleanly to either side, like a banana peel.</p> + +<p>Iversen pressed forward to see what fresh life-form the bulging cavity +had held. The other officers all stood in a somber row without moving, +for all along, Iversen realized, they had known what to expect, what was +to come. And they had not told him. But then, he knew, it was his own +fault; he had refused to be told.</p> + +<p>Now, looking down at the new life-form, he saw for himself what it was. +Lying languidly in the thor'glitch skin was a slender youth of a pallor +which seemed excessive even for a member of a green-skinned race. He had +large limpid eyes and a smile of ineffable sweetness.</p> + +<p>"By Nopus Secundus," Iversen groaned. "I'm sunk."</p> + +<p>"Naturally the ultimate incarnation for a life-form would be humanoid," +Harkaway said with deep reproach. "What else?"</p> + +<p>"I'm surprised you didn't figure that out for yourself, sir," the first +officer added. "Even if you did refuse to read Harkaway's book, it seems +obvious."</p> + +<p>"Does it?" Smullyan challenged. "Does it, indeed? Is Man the highest +form of life in an irrational cosmos? Then all causes are lost ones!... +So many worlds," he muttered in more subdued tones, "so much to do, so +little done, such things to be!"</p> + +<p>"The Flimbotzik were telling Harkaway about their <i>own</i> life cycle," +Iversen whispered as revelation bathed him in its murky light. "The +human embryo undergoes a series of changes <i>inside</i> the womb. It's just +that the Flimbotzik fetus develops <i>outside</i> the womb."</p> + +<p>"Handily bypassing the earliest and most unpleasant stages of humanity," +Smullyan sighed. "Oh, idyllic planet, where one need never be a +child—where one need never see a child!"</p> + +<p>"Then they were trying to explain their biology to you quite clearly and +coherently, you lunkhead," Iversen roared at Harkaway, "and you took it +for a religious doctrine!"</p> + +<p>"Yes, sir," Harkaway said weakly. "I—I kind of figured that out myself +in these last few weeks of intensive soul-searching. I—I'm sorry, sir. +All I can say is that it was an honest mistake."</p> + +<p>"Why, they weren't necessarily pet-lovers at all. Those animals they had +with them were.... By Nair al Zaurak!" The captain's voice rose to a +shriek as the whole enormity of the situation finally dawned upon him. +"You went and kidnaped one of the children!"</p> + +<p>"That's a serious charge, kidnaping," the first officer said with +melancholy pleasure. "And you, as head of this expedition, Captain, are +responsible. Ironic, isn't it?"</p> + +<p>"Told you all this spelled doom and disaster," the doctor observed +cheerfully.</p> + +<p>Just then, the young humanoid sat up—with considerable effort, Iversen +was disturbed to notice. But perhaps that was one of the consequences of +being born. A new-born infant was weak; why not a new-born adult, then?</p> + +<p>"Why doom?" the humanoid asked in a high, clear voice. "Why disaster?"</p> + +<p>"You—you speak Terran?" the captain stammered.</p> + +<p>Bridey gave his sad, sweet smile. "I was reared amongst you. You are my +people. Why should I not speak your tongue?"</p> + +<p>"But we're not your people," Iversen blurted, thinking perhaps the youth +did not remember back to his greechi days. "We're an entirely different +species—"</p> + +<p>"Our souls vibrate in unison and that is the vital essence. But do not +be afraid, shipmates; the Flimbotzik do not regard the abduction of a +transitory corporeal shelter as a matter of any great moment. Moreover, +what took place could not rightly be termed abduction, for I came with +you of my own volition—and the Flimbotzik recognize individual +responsibility from the very first moment of the psyche's drawing breath +in any material casing."</p> + +<p>Bridey talked so much like Harkaway's book that Iversen was almost +relieved when, a few hours later, the alien died. Of course the captain +was worried about possible repercussions from the governments of both +Terra and Flimbot, in spite of Bridey's assurances.</p> + +<p>And he could not help but feel a pang when the young humanoid expired in +his arms, murmuring, "Do not grieve for me, soul-mates. In the midst of +life, there is life...."</p> + +<p>"Funny," Smullyan said, with one of his disconcerting returns to a +professional manner, "all the other forms seemed perfectly healthy. Why +did this one go like that? Almost as if he <i>wanted</i> to die."</p> + +<p>"He was too good for this ship, that's what," the radio operator said, +glaring at the captain. "Too fine and brave and—and noble."</p> + +<p>"Yes," Harkaway agreed. "What truly sensitive soul could exist in a +stultifying atmosphere like this?"</p> + +<p>All the officers glared at the captain. He glared back with right good +will. "How come you gentlemen are still with us?" he inquired. "One +would have thought you would have perished of pure sensibility long +since, then."</p> + +<p>"It's not nice to talk that way," the chief petty officer burst out, +"not with him lying there not yet cold.... Ah," he heaved a long sigh, +"we'll never see his like again."</p> + +<p>"Ay, that we won't," agreed the crew, huddled in the corridor outside +the captain's cabin.</p> + +<p>Iversen sincerely hoped not, but he forbore to speak.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>Since Bridey had reached the ultimate point in his life cycle, it seemed +certain that he was not going to change into anything else and so he was +given a spaceman's burial. Feeling like a put-upon fool, Captain Iversen +read a short prayer as Bridey's slight body was consigned to the vast +emptiness of space.</p> + +<p>Then the airlock clanged shut behind the last mortal remains of the +ill-fated extraterrestrial and that was the end of it.</p> + +<p>But the funereal atmosphere did not diminish as the ship forged on +toward Earth. Gloomy days passed, one after the other, during which no +one spoke, save to issue or dispute an order. Looking at himself one day +in the mirror on his cabin wall, the captain realized that he was +getting old. Perhaps he ought to retire instead of still dreaming of a +new command and a new crew.</p> + +<p>And then one day, as he sat in his cabin reading the Spaceman's Credo, +the lights on the <i>Herringbone</i> went out, all at once, while the +constant hum of the motors died down slowly, leaving a strange, +uncomfortable silence. Iversen found himself suspended weightless in the +dark, for the gravity, of course, had gone off with the power. What, he +wondered, had come to pass? He often found himself thinking in such +terms these days.</p> + +<p>Hoarse cries issued from the passageway outside; then he heard a squeak +as his cabin door opened and persons unknown floated inside, breathing +heavily.</p> + +<p>"The power has failed, sir!" gasped the first officer's voice.</p> + +<p>"That has not escaped my notice," Iversen said icily. Were not even his +last moments to be free from persecution?</p> + +<p>"It's all that maniac Smullyan's fault. He stored his <i>mk'oog</i> in the +fuel tanks. After emptying them out first, that is. We're out of fuel."</p> + +<p>The captain put a finger in his book to mark his place, which was, he +knew with a kind of supernal detachment, rather foolish, because there +was no prospect of there ever being lights to read by again.</p> + +<p>"Put him in irons, if you can find him," he ordered. "And tell the men +to prepare themselves gracefully for a lingering death."</p> + +<p>Iversen could hear a faint creak as the first officer drew himself to +attention in the darkness. "The men of the <i>Herringbone</i>, sir," he said, +stiffly, "are always prepared for calamity."</p> + +<p>"Ay, that we are," agreed various voices.</p> + +<p>So they were all there, were they? Well, it was too much to expect that +they would leave him in death any more than they had in life.</p> + +<p>"It is well," Iversen said. "It is well," he repeated, unable to think +of anything more fitting.</p> + +<p>Suddenly the lights went on again and the ship gave a leap. From his +sprawling position on the floor, amid his recumbent officers, Iversen +could hear the hum of motors galvanized into life.</p> + +<p>"But if the fuel tanks are empty," he asked of no one in particular, +"where did the power come from?"</p> + +<p>"I am the power," said a vast, deep voice that filled the ship from hold +to hold.</p> + +<p>"And the glory," said the radio operator reverently. "Don't forget the +glory."</p> + +<p>"No," the voice replied and it was the voice of Bridey, resonant with +all the amplitude of the immense chest cavity he had acquired. "Not the +glory, merely the power. I have reached a higher plane of existence. I +am a spaceship."</p> + +<p>"Praise be to the Ultimate Nothingness!" Harkaway cried.</p> + +<p>"Ultimate Nothingness, nothing!" Bridey said impatiently. "I achieved it +all myself."</p> + +<p>"Then that's how the Flimbotzi spaceships were powered!" Iversen +exclaimed. "By themselves—the Flimbotzik themselves, I mean—"</p> + +<p>"Even so," Bridey replied grandly. "And this lofty form of life happens +to be one which we poor humans cannot reach unassisted. Someone has to +build the shell for us to occupy, which is the reason humans dwell +together in fellowship and harmony—"</p> + +<p>"You purposely got Harkaway to take you aboard the <i>Herringbone</i>," +Iversen interrupted wrathfully. "You—you stowaway!"</p> + +<p>Bridey's laugh rang through the ship, setting the loose parts quivering. +"Of course. When first I set eyes upon this vessel of yours, I saw +before me the epitome of all dreams. Never had any of our kind so +splendid an encasement. And, upon determining that the vessel was, as +yet, a soulless thing, I got myself aboard; I was born, I died, and was +reborn again with the greatest swiftness consonant with comfort, so that +I could awaken in this magnificent form. Oh, joy, joy, joy!"</p> + +<p>"You know," Iversen said, "now that I hear one of you talk at length, I +really can't blame Harkaway for his typically imbecilic mistake."</p> + +<p>"We are a wordy species," Bridey conceded.</p> + +<p>"You had no right to do what you did," Iversen told him, "no right to +take over—"</p> + +<p>"But I didn't take over," Bridey the <i>Herringbone</i> said complacently. "I +merely remained quiescent and content in the knowledge of my power until +yours failed. Without me, you would even now be spinning in the vasty +voids, a chrome-trimmed sepulcher. Now, three times as swiftly as +before, shall I bear you back to the planet you very naively call home."</p> + +<p>"Not three times as fast, please!" Iversen was quick to plead. "The ship +isn't built—<i>we're</i> not built to stand such speeds."</p> + +<p>The ship sighed. "Disappointment needs must come to all—the high, the +low, the man, the spaceship. It must be borne—" the voice +broke—"bravely. Somehow."</p> + +<p>"What am I going to do?" Iversen asked, turning to the first officer for +advice for the first time ever. "I was planning to ask for a transfer or +resign my command when we got back to Earth. But how can I leave Bridey +in the hands of the IEE(E)?"</p> + +<p>"You can't, sir," the first officer said. "Neither can we."</p> + +<p>"If you explain," Harkaway offered timidly, "perhaps they'll present the +ship to the government."</p> + +<p>Both Iversen and the first officer snorted, united for once. "Not the +IEE(E)," Iversen said. "They'd—they'd exhibit it or something and +charge admission."</p> + +<p>"Oh, no," Bridey cried, "I don't want to be exhibited! I want to sail +through the trackless paths of space. What good is a body like this if I +cannot use it to its fullest?"</p> + +<p>"Have no fear," Iversen assured it. "We'll just—" he shrugged, his +dreams of escape forever blighted—"just have to buy the ship from the +IEE(E), that's all."</p> + +<p>"Right you are, sir," the first officer agreed. "We must club together, +every man Jack of us, and buy her. Him. It. That's the only decent thing +to do."</p> + +<p>"Perhaps they won't sell," Harkaway worried. "Maybe—"</p> + +<p>"Oh, they'll sell, all right," Iversen said wearily. "They'd sell the +chairman of the board, if you made them an offer, and throw in all the +directors if the price was right."</p> + +<p>"And then what will we do?" the first officer asked. "Once the ship has +been purchased, what will our course be? What, in other words, are we to +do?"</p> + +<p>It was Bridey who answered. "We will speed through space seeking, +learning, searching, until you—all of you—pass on to higher planes +and, leaving the frail shells you now inhabit, occupy proud, splendid +vessels like the one I wear now. Then, a vast transcendent flotilla, we +will seek other universes...."</p> + +<p>"But we don't become spaceships," Iversen said unhappily. "We don't +become anything."</p> + +<p>"How do you know we don't?" Smullyan demanded, appearing on the +threshold. "How do you know what we become? Build thee more stately +spaceships, O my soul!"</p> + +<p>Above all else, Iversen was a space officer and dereliction of duty +could not be condoned even in exceptional circumstances. "Put him in +irons, somebody!"</p> + +<p>"Ask Bridey why there were only forty-five spaceships on his planet!" +the doctor yelled over his shoulder as he was dragged off. "Ask where +the others went—where they are now."</p> + +<p>But Bridey wouldn't answer that question.</p> + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Once a Greech, by Evelyn E. Smith + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ONCE A GREECH *** + +***** This file should be named 31664-h.htm or 31664-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/3/1/6/6/31664/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Smith + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Once a Greech + +Author: Evelyn E. Smith + +Illustrator: Dillon + +Release Date: March 16, 2010 [EBook #31664] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ONCE A GREECH *** + + + + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + + Once a Greech + + By EVELYN E. SMITH + + Illustrated by DILLON + +[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from Galaxy Science Fiction +April 1957. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the +U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] + + +[Sidenote: _The mildest of men, Iversen was capable of murder ... to +disprove Harkaway's hypothesis that in the midst of life, we are in +life!_] + +Just two weeks before the _S. S. Herringbone_ of the Interstellar +Exploration, Examination (and Exploitation) Service was due to start her +return journey to Earth, one of her scouts disconcertingly reported the +discovery of intelligent life in the Virago System. + +"Thirteen planets," Captain Iversen snarled, wishing there were someone +on whom he could place the blame for this mischance, "and we spend a +full year here exploring each one of them with all the resources of +Terrestrial science and technology, and what happens? On the nineteenth +moon of the eleventh planet, intelligent life is discovered. And who has +to discover it? Harkaway, of all people. I thought for sure all the +moons were cinders or I would never have sent him out to them just to +keep him from getting in my hair." + +"The boy's not a bad boy, sir," the first officer said. "Just a thought +incompetent, that's all--which is to be expected if the Service will +choose its officers on the basis of written examinations. I'm glad to +see him make good." + +Iversen would have been glad to see Harkaway make good, too, only such a +concept seemed utterly beyond the bounds of possibility. From the moment +the young man had first set foot on the _S. S. Herringbone_, he had +seemed unable to make anything but bad. Even in such a conglomeration of +fools under Captain Iverson, his idiocy was of outstanding quality. + +The captain, however, had not been wholly beyond reproach in this +instance, as he himself knew. Pity he had made such an error about the +eleventh planet's moons. It was really such a small mistake. Moons one +to eighteen and twenty to forty-six still appeared to be cinders. It was +all too easy for the spectroscope to overlook Flimbot, the nineteenth. + +But it would be Flimbot which had turned out to be a green and pleasant +planet, very similar to Earth. Or so Harkaway reported on the intercom. + +"And the other forty-five aren't really moons at all," he began. +"They're--" + +"You can tell me all that when we reach Flimbot," Iversen interrupted, +"which should be in about six hours. Remember, that intercom uses a lot +of power and we're tight on fuel." + +But it proved to be more than six _days_ later before the ship reached +Flimbot. This was owing to certain mechanical difficulties that arose +when the crew tried to lift the mother ship from the third planet, on +which it was based. For sentimental reasons, the IEE(E) always tried to +establish its prime base on the third planet of a system. Anyhow, when +the _Herringbone_ was on the point of takeoff, it was discovered that +the rock-eating species which was the only life on the third planet had +eaten all the projecting metal parts on the ship, including the +rocket-exhaust tubes, the airlock handles and the chromium trim. + +"I had been wondering what made the little fellows so sick," Smullyan, +the ship's doctor, said. "They went wump, wump, wump all night long, +until my heart bled for them. Ah, everywhere it goes, humanity spreads +the fell seeds of death and destruction--" + +"Are you a doctor or a veterinarian?" Iversen demanded furiously. "By +Betelgeuse, you act as if I'd crammed those blasted tubes down their +stinking little throats!" + +"It was you who invaded their paradise with your ship. It was you--" + +"Shut up!" Iversen yelled. "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!" + +So Dr. Smullyan went off, like many a ship's physician before him, and +got good and drunk on the medical stores. + + * * * * * + +By the time they finally arrived on Flimbot, Harkaway had already gone +native. He appeared at the airlock wearing nothing but a brief, colorful +loincloth of alien fabric and a wreath of flowers in his hair. He was +fondling a large, woolly pink caterpillar. + +[Illustration] + +"Where is your uniform, sir!" Captain Iversen barked, aghast. If there +was one thing he was intolerant of in his command, it was sloppiness. + +"This is the undress uniform of the Royal Flimbotzi Navy, sir. I was +given the privilege of wearing one as a great _msu'gri_--honor--to our +race. If I were to return to my own uniform, it might set back +diplomatic relations between Flimbot and Earth as much as--" + +"All right!" the captain snapped. "All right, all right, all right!" + +He didn't ask any questions about the Royal Flimbotzi Navy. He had +deduced its nature when, on nearing Flimbot, he had discovered that the +eleventh planet actually had only one moon. The other forty-five +celestial objects were spacecraft, quaint and primitive, it was true, +but spacecraft nonetheless. Probably it was their orbital formation that +had made him think they were moons. Oh, the crew must be in great +spirits; they did so enjoy having a good laugh at his expense! + +He looked for something with which to reproach Harkaway, and his eye +lighted on the caterpillar. "What's that thing you're carrying there?" +he barked. + +Raising itself on its tail, the caterpillar barked right back at him. + +Captain Iversen paled. First he had overlooked the spacecraft, and now, +after thirty years of faithful service to the IEE(E) in the less +desirable sectors of space, he had committed the ultimate error in his +first contact with a new form of intelligent life! + +"Sorry, sir," he said, forgetting that the creature--whatever its mental +prowess--could hardly be expected to understand Terran yet. "I am just a +simple spaceman and my ways are crude, but I mean no harm." He whirled +on Harkaway. "I thought you said the natives were humanoid." + +The young officer grinned. "They are. This is just a greech. Cuddly +little fellow, isn't he?" The greech licked Harkaway's face with a +tripartite blue tongue. "The Flimbotzik are mad about pets. Great +animal-lovers. That's how I knew I could trust them right from the +start. Show me a life-form that loves animals, I always say, and--" + +"I'm not interested in what you always say," Iversen interrupted, +knowing Harkaway's premise was fundamentally unsound, because he himself +was the kindliest of all men, and he hated animals. And, although he +didn't hate Harkaway, who was not an animal, save in the strictly +Darwinian sense, he could not repress unsportsmanlike feelings of +bitterness. + +Why couldn't it have been one of the other officers who had discovered +the Flimbotzik? Why must it be Harkaway--the most inept of his scouts, +whose only talent seemed to be the egregious error, who always rushed +into a thing half-cocked, who mistook superficialities for profundities, +Harkaway, the blundering fool, the blithering idiot--who had stumbled +into this greatest discovery of Iversen's career? And, of course, +Harkaway's, too. Well, life was like that and always had been. + +"Have you tested those air and soil samples yet?" Iversen snarled into +his communicator, for his spacesuit was beginning to itch again as the +gentle warmth of Flimbot activated certain small and opportunistic +life-forms which had emigrated from a previous system along with the +Terrans. + +"We're running them through as fast as we can, sir," said a harried +voice. "We can offer you no more than our poor best." + +"But why bother with all that?" Harkaway wanted to know. "This planet is +absolutely safe for human life. I can guarantee it personally." + +"On what basis?" Iversen asked. + +"Well, I've been here two weeks and I've survived, haven't I?" + +"That," Iversen told him, "does not prove that the planet can sustain +human life." + +Harkaway laughed richly. "Wonderful how you can still keep that +marvelous sense of humor, Skipper, after all the things that have been +going wrong on the voyage. Ah, here comes the _flim'tuu_--the welcoming +committee," he said quickly. "They were a little shy before. Because of +the rockets, you know." + +"Don't their ships have any?" + +"They don't seem to. They're really very primitive affairs, barely able +to go from planet to planet." + +"If they _go_," Iversen said, "stands to reason _something_ must power +them." + +"I really don't know what it is," Harkaway retorted defensively. "After +all, even though I've been busy as a beaver, three weeks would hardly +give me time to investigate every aspect of their culture.... Don't you +think the natives are remarkably humanoid?" he changed the subject. + +They were, indeed. Except for a somewhat greenish cast of countenance +and distinctly purple hair, as they approached, in their brief, gay +garments and flower garlands, the natives resembled nothing so much as a +group of idealized South Sea Islanders of the nineteenth century. + +Gigantic butterflies whizzed about their heads. Countless small animals +frisked about their feet--more of the pink caterpillars; bright blue +creatures that were a winsome combination of monkey and koala; a kind of +large, merry-eyed snake that moved by holding its tail in its mouth and +rolling like a hoop. All had faces that reminded the captain of the work +of the celebrated twentieth-century artist W. Disney. + +"By Polaris," he cried in disgust, "I might have known you'd find a +_cute_ planet!" + +"Moon, actually," the first officer said, "since it is in orbit around +Virago XI, rather than Virago itself." + +"Would you have _wanted_ them to be hostile?" Harkaway asked peevishly. +"Honestly, some people never seem to be satisfied." + +From his proprietary airs, one would think Harkaway had created the +natives himself. "At least, with hostile races, you know where you are," +Iversen said. "I always suspect friendly life-forms. Friendliness simply +isn't a natural instinct." + +"Who's being anthropomorphic now!" Harkaway chided. + +Iversen flushed, for he had berated the young man for that particular +fault on more than one occasion. Harkaway was too prone to interpret +alien traits in terms of terrestrial culture. Previously, since all +intelligent life-forms with which the _Herringbone_ had come into +contact had already been discovered by somebody else, that didn't matter +too much. In this instance, however, any mistakes of contact or +interpretation mattered terribly. And Iversen couldn't see Harkaway not +making a mistake; the boy simply didn't have it in him. + +"You know you're superimposing our attitude on theirs," the junior +officer continued tactlessly. "The Flimbotzik are a simple, friendly, +_shig-livi_ people, closely resembling some of our historical +primitives--in a nice way, of course." + +"None of our primitives had space travel," Iversen pointed out. + +"Well, you couldn't really call those things spaceships," Harkaway said +deprecatingly. + +"They go through space, don't they? I don't know what else you'd call +them." + +"One judges the primitiveness of a race by its cultural and +technological institutions," Harkaway said, with a lofty smile. "And +these people are laughably backward. Why, they even believe in +reincarnation--_mpoola_, they call it." + +"How do you know all this?" Iversen demanded. "Don't tell me you profess +to speak the language already?" + +"It's not a difficult language," Harkaway said modestly, "and I have +managed to pick up quite a comprehensive smattering. I dare-say I +haven't caught all the nuances--_heeka lob peeka_, as the Flimbotzik +themselves say--but they are a very simple people and probably they +don't have--" + +"Are we going to keep them waiting," Iversen asked, "while we discuss +nuances? Since you say you speak the language so well, suppose you make +them a pretty speech all about how the Earth government extends the--I +suppose it would be hand, in this instance--of friendship to Flimbot +and--" + +Harkaway blushed. "I sort of did that already, acting as your deputy. +_Mpoo_--status--means so much in these simple societies, you know, and +they seemed to expect something of the sort. However, I'll introduce you +to the Flimflim--the king, you know--" he pointed to an imposing +individual in the forefront of the crowd--"and get over all the +amenities, shall I?" + +"It would be jolly good of you," Iversen said frigidly. + + * * * * * + +It was a pity they hadn't discovered Flimbot much earlier in their +survey of the Virago System, Iversen thought with regret, because it was +truly a pleasant spot and a week was very little time in which to +explore a world and study a race, even one as simple as the gentle +Flimbotzik actually turned out to be. It seemed amazing that they should +have developed anything as advanced as space travel, when their only +ground conveyances were a species of wagon drawn by plookik, a species +of animal. + +But Iversen had no time for further investigation. The _Herringbone's_ +fuel supply was calculated almost to the minute and so, willy-nilly, the +Earthmen had to leave beautiful Flimbot at the end of the week, knowing +little more about the Flimbotzik than they had before they came. Only +Harkaway, who had spent the three previous weeks on Flimbot, had any +further knowledge of the Flimbotzik--and Iversen had little faith in any +data he might have collected. + +"I don't believe Harkaway knows the language nearly as well as he +pretends to," Iversen told the first officer as both of them watched +the young lieutenant make the formal speech of farewell. + +"Come now," the first officer protested. "Seems to me the boy is doing +quite well. Acquired a remarkable command of the language, considering +he's been here only four weeks." + +"Remarkable, I'll grant you, but is it accurate?" + +"He seems to communicate and that is the ultimate objective of language, +is it not?" + +"Then why did the Flimbotzik fill the tanks with wine when I distinctly +told him to ask for water?" + +Of course the ship could synthesize water from its own waste products, +if necessary, but there was no point in resorting to that expedient when +a plentiful supply of pure H_{2}O was available on the world. + +"A very understandable error, sir. Harkaway explained it to me. It seems +the word for water, _m'koog_, is very similar to the word for wine, +_mk'oog_. Harkaway himself admits his pronunciation isn't perfect and--" + +"All right," Iversen interrupted. "What I'd like to know is what +happened to the _mk'oog_, then--" + +"The m'koog, you mean? It's in the tanks." + +"--because, when they came to drain the wine out of the tanks to put the +water in, the tanks were already totally empty." + +"I have no idea," the first officer said frostily, "no idea at all. If +you'll glance at my papers, you'll note I'm Temperance by affiliation, +but if you'd like to search my cabin, anyway, I--" + +"By Miaplacidus, man," Iversen exclaimed, "I wasn't accusing you! Of +that, anyway!" + +Everybody on the vessel was so confoundedly touchy. Lucky they had a +stable commanding officer like himself, or morale would simply go to +pot. + + * * * * * + +"Well, it's all over," Harkaway said, joining them up at the airlock in +one lithe bound--a mean feat in that light gravity. "And a right good +speech, if I do say so myself. The Flimflim says he will count the +thlubbzik with ardent expectation until the mission from Earth arrives +with the promised gifts." + +"Just what gifts did you take it upon yourself to--" Iversen began, when +he was interrupted by a voice behind them crying, "Woe, woe, woe!" + +And, thrusting himself past the three other officers, Dr. Smullyan +addressed the flim'puu, or farewell committee, assembled outside the +ship. "Do not let the Earthmen return to your fair planet, O happily +ignorant Flimbotzik," he declaimed, "lest wretchedness and misery be +your lot as a result. Tell them, 'Hence!' Tell them, 'Begone!' Tell +them, 'Avaunt!' For, know ye, humanity is a blight, a creeping canker--" + +He was interrupted by the captain's broad palm clamping down over his +mouth. + +"Clap him in the brig, somebody, until we get clear of this place," +Iversen ordered wearily. "If Harkaway could pick up the Flimbotzi +language, the odds are that some of the natives have picked up Terran." + +"That's right, always keep belittling me," Harkaway said sulkily as two +of the crewmen carried off the struggling medical officer, who left an +aromatic wake behind him that bore pungent testimonial to where a part, +at least, of the _mk'oog_ had gone. "No wonder it took me so long to +find myself." + +"Oh, have you found yourself at last?" Iversen purred. "Splendid! Now +that you know where you are, supposing you do me a big favor and go lose +yourself again while we make ready for blastoff." + +"For shame," said the first officer as Harkaway stamped off. "For +shame!" + +"The captain's a hard man," observed the chief petty officer, who was +lounging negligently against a wall, doing nothing. + +"Ay, that he is," agreed the crewman who was assisting him. "That he +is--a hard man, indeed." + +"By Caroli, be quiet, all of you!" Iversen yelled. The very next voyage, +he was going to have a new crew if he had to transfer to Colonization to +do it! Even colonists couldn't be as obnoxious as the sons of space with +which he was cursed. + + * * * * * + +It was only after the _Herringbone_ had left the Virago System entirely +that Iversen discovered Harkaway had taken the greech along. + +"But you can't abscond with one of the natives' pets!" he protested, +overlooking, for the sake of rhetoric, the undeniable fact that Harkaway +had already done so and that there could be no turning back. It would +expend too much precious fuel and leave them stranded for life on Virago +XI^a. + +"Nonsense, sir!" Harkaway retorted. "Didn't the Flimflim say everything +on Flimbot was mine? _Thlu'pt shig-nliv, snusnigg bnig-nliv_ were his +very words. Anyhow, they have plenty more greechi. They won't miss this +little one." + +"But he may have belonged to someone," Iversen objected. "An incident +like this could start a war." + +"I don't see how he could have belonged to anyone. Followed me around +most of the time I was there. We've become great pals, haven't we, +little fellow?" He ruffled the greech's pink fur and the creature gave a +delighted squeal. + +Iversen could already see that the greechik were going to be Flimbot's +first lucrative export. From time immemorial, the people of Earth had +been susceptible to cuddly little life-forms, which was why Earth had +nearly been conquered by the zz^{iu} from Sirius VII, before they +discovered them to be hostile and quite intelligent life-forms rather +than a new species of tabby. + +"Couldn't bear to leave him," Harkaway went on as the greech draped +itself around his shoulders and regarded Iversen with large round blue +eyes. "The Flimflim won't mind, because I promised him an elephant." + +"You mean the diplomatic mission will have to waste valuable cargo space +on an _elephant_!" Iversen sputtered. "And you should know, if anyone +does, just how spacesick an elephant can get. By Pherkad, Lieutenant +Harkaway, you had no authority to make any promises to the Flimflim!" + +"I discovered the Flimbotzik," Harkaway said sullenly. "_I_ learned the +language. _I_ established rapport. Just because you happen to be the +commander of this expedition doesn't mean you're God, Captain Iversen!" + +"Harkaway," the captain barked, "this smacks of downright mutiny! Go to +your cabin forthwith and memorize six verses of the Spaceman's Credo!" + +The greech lifted its head and barked back at Iversen, again. "That's my +brave little watch-greech," Harkaway said fondly. "As a matter of fact, +sir," he told the captain, "that was just what I was proposing to do +myself. Go to my cabin, I mean; I have no time to waste on inferior +prose. I plan to spend the rest of the voyage, or such part as I can +spare from my duties--" + +"You're relieved of them," Iversen said grimly. + +"--working on my book. It's all about the doctrine of +_mpoola_--reincarnation, or, if you prefer, metempsychosis. The +Flimbotzi religion is so similar to many of the earlier terrestrial +theologies--Hindu, Greek, Egyptian, Southern Californian--that sometimes +one is almost tempted to stop and wonder if simplicity is not the +essence of truth." + +Iversen knew that, for the sake of discipline, he should not, once he +had ordered Harkaway to his cabin, stop to bandy words, but he was a +chronic word-bandier, having inherited the trait from his stalwart +Viking ancestors. "How can you have learned all about their religion, +their doctrine of reincarnation, in just four ridiculously short weeks?" + +"It's a gift," Harkaway said modestly. + +"Go to your cabin, sir! No, wait a moment!" For, suddenly overcome by a +strange, warm, utterly repulsive emotion, Iversen pointed a quivering +finger at the caterpillar. "Did you bring along the proper food for +that--that thing? Can't have him starving, you know," he added gruffly. +After all, he was a humane man, he told himself; it wasn't that he found +the creature tugging at his heart-strings, or anything like that. + +"Oh, he'll eat anything we eat, sir. As long as it's not meat. All the +species on Flimbot are herbivores. I can't figure out whether the +Flimbotzik themselves are vegetarians because they practice _mpoola_, or +practice _mpoola_ because they're--" + +"I don't want to hear another word about _mpoola_ or about Flimbot!" +Iversen yelled. "Get out of here! And stay away from the library!" + +"I have already exhausted its painfully limited resources, sir." +Harkaway saluted with grace and withdrew to his cabin, wearing the +greech like an affectionate lei about his neck. + + * * * * * + +Iverson heard no more about _mpoola_ from Harkaway--who, though he did +not remain confined to his cabin when he had pursuits to pursue in other +parts of the ship, at least had the tact to keep out of the captain's +way as much as possible--but the rest of his men seemed able to talk of +nothing else. The voyage back from a star system was always longer in +relative terms than the voyage out, because the thrill of new worlds to +explore was gone; already anticipating boredom, the men were ripe for +almost any distraction. + +On one return voyage, the whole crew had set itself to the study of +Hittite with very creditable results. On another, they had all devoted +themselves to the ancient art of alchemy, and, after nearly blowing up +the ship, had come up with an elixir which, although not the +quintessence--as they had, in their initial enthusiasm, alleged--proved +to be an effective cure for hiccups. Patented under the name of +Herringbone Hiccup Shoo, it brought each one of them an income which +would have been enough to support them in more than modest comfort for +the rest of their lives. + +However, the adventurous life seemed to exert an irresistible lure upon +them and they all shipped upon the _Herringbone_ again--much to the +captain's dismay, for he had hoped for a fresh start with a new crew +and there seemed to be no way of getting rid of them short of reaching +retirement age. + +The men weren't quite ready to accept _mpoola_ as a practical +religion--Harkaway hadn't finished his book yet--but as something very +close to it. The concept of reincarnation had always been very appealing +to the human mind, which would rather have envisaged itself perpetuated +in the body of a cockroach than vanishing completely into nothingness. + +"It's all so logical, sir," the first officer told Iversen. "The +individuality or the soul or the psyche--however you want to look at +it--starts the essentially simple cycle of life as a greech--" + +"Why as a greech?" Iversen asked, humoring him for the moment. "There +are lower life-forms on Flimbot." + +"I don't know." The first officer sounded almost testy. "That's where +Harkaway starts the progression." + +"Harkaway! Is there no escaping that cretin's name?" + +"Sir," said the first officer, "may I speak frankly?" + +"No," Iversen said, "you may not." + +"Your skepticism arises less from disbelief than from the fact that you +are jealous of Harkaway because it was he who made the great discovery, +not you." + +"Which great discovery?" Iversen asked, sneering to conceal his hurt at +being so overwhelmingly misunderstood. "Flimbot or _mpoola_?" + +"Both," the first officer said. "You refuse to accept the fact that this +hitherto incompetent youth has at last blossomed forth in the lambent +colors of genius, just as the worthy greech becomes a zkoort, and the +clean-living zkoort in his turn passes on to the next higher plane of +existence, which is, in the Flimbotzik scale--" + +"Spare me the theology, please," Iversen begged. "Once a greech, always +a greech, I say. And I can't help thinking that somehow, somewhere, +Harkaway has committed some horrible error." + +"Humanity is frail, fumbling, futile," Dr. Smullyan declared, coming +upon them so suddenly that both officers jumped. "To err is human, to +forgive divine, and I am an atheist, thank God!" + +"That _mk'oog_ is powerful stuff," the first officer said. "Or so they +tell me," he added. + +"This is more than mere _mk'oog_," Iversen said sourly. "Smullyan has +been too long in space. It hits everyone in the long run--some sooner +than others." + +"Captain," the doctor said, ignoring these remarks as he ignored +everything not on a cosmic level, which included the crew's ailments, +"I am in full agreement with you. Young Harkaway has doomed that pretty +little planet--" + +"Moon," the first officer corrected. "It's a satellite, not a--" + +"We ourselves were doomed _ab origine_, but the tragic flaw inherent in +each one of our pitiful species is contagious, dooming all with whom we +come in contact. And Harkaway is the most infectious carrier on the +ship. Woe, I tell you. Woe!" And, with a hollow moan, the doctor left +them to meditate upon the state of their souls, while he went off to his +secret stores of oblivion. + +"Wonder where he's hidden that _mk'oog_," Iversen brooded. "I've turned +the ship inside out and I haven't been able to locate it." + +The first officer shivered. "Somehow, although I know Smullyan's part +drunk, part mad, he makes me a little nervous. He's been right so often +on all the other voyages." + +"Ruchbah!" Iversen said, not particularly grateful for support from such +a dithyrambic source as the ship's medical officer. "Anyone who +prophesies doom has a hundred per cent chance of ultimately being right, +if only because of entropy." + +He was still brooding over the first officer's thrust, even though he +had been well aware that most of his officers and men considered him a +sorehead for doubting Harkaway in the young man's moment of triumph. +However, Iversen could not believe that Harkaway had undergone such a +radical transformation. Even on the basis of _mpoola_, one obviously had +to die before passing on to the next existence and Harkaway had been +continuously alive--from the neck down, at least. + +Furthermore, all that aside, Iversen just couldn't see Harkaway going on +to a higher plane. Although he supposed the young man was well-meaning +enough--he'd grant him that negligible virtue--wouldn't it be terrible +to have a system of existence in which one was advanced on the basis of +intent rather than result? The higher life-forms would degenerate into +primitivism. + +But weren't the Flimbotzik virtually primitive? Or so Harkaway had said, +for Iversen himself had not had enough contact with them to determine +their degree of sophistication, and only the spaceships gave Harkaway's +claim the lie. + + * * * * * + +Iversen condescended to take a look at the opening chapter of Harkaway's +book, just to see what the whole thing was about. The book began: + +"What is the difference between life and death? Can we say definitely +and definitively that life is life and death is death? Are we sure that +death is not life and life is not death? + +"No, we are not sure! + +"Must the individuality have a corporeal essence in which to enshroud +itself before it can proceed in its rapt, inexorable progress toward the +Ultimate Non-actuality? And even if such be needful, why must the +personal essence be trammeled by the same old worn-out habiliments of +error? + +"Think upon this! + +"What is the extremest intensification of individuality? It is the +All-encompassing Nothingness. Of what value are the fur, the feathers, +the skin, the temporal trappings of imperfection in our perpetual +struggle toward the final undefinable resolution into the Infinite +Interplay of Cosmic Forces? + +"Less than nothing!" + +At this point, Iversen stopped reading and returned the manuscript to +its creator, without a word. This last was less out of self-restraint +than through sheer semantic inadequacy. + +The young man might have spent his time more profitably in a little +research on the biology or social organization of the Flimbotzik, +Iversen thought bitterly when he had calmed down, thus saving the next +expedition some work. But, instead, he'd been blinded by the flashy +theological aspects of the culture and, as a result, the whole crew had +gone metempsychotic. + +This was going to be one of the _Herringbone's_ more unendurable +voyages, Iversen knew. And he couldn't put his foot down effectively, +either, because the crew, all being gentlemen of independent means now, +were outrageously independent. + +However, in spite of knowing that all of them fully deserved what they +got, Iversen couldn't help feeling guilty as he ate steak while the +other officers consumed fish, vegetables and eggs in an aura of +unbearable virtue. + +"But if the soul transmigrates and not the body," he argued, "what harm +is there in consuming the vacated receptacle?" + +"For all you know," the first officer said, averting his eyes from +Iversen's plate with a little--wholly gratuitous, to the captain's +mind--shudder, "that cow might have housed the psyche of your +grandmother." + +"Well, then, by indirectly participating in that animal's slaughter, I +have released my grandmother from her physical bondage to advance to the +next plane. That is, if she was a good cow." + +"You just don't understand," Harkaway said. "Not that you could be +expected to." + +"He's a clod," the radio operator agreed. "Forgive me, sir," he +apologized as Iversen turned to glare incredulously at him, "but, +according to _mpoola_, candor is a Step Upward." + +"Onward and Upward," Harkaway commented, and Iversen was almost sure +that, had he not been there, the men would have bowed their heads in +contemplation, if not actual prayer. + + * * * * * + +As time went on, the greech thrived and grew remarkably stout on the +Earth viands, which it consumed in almost improbable quantities. Then, +one day, it disappeared and its happy squeal was heard no longer. + +There was much mourning aboard the _Herringbone_--for, with its lovable +personality and innocently engaging ways, the little fellow had won its +way into the hearts of all the spacemen--until the first officer +discovered a substantial pink cocoon resting on the ship's control board +and rushed to the intercom to spread the glad tidings. That was a breach +of regulations, of course, but Iversen knew when not to crowd his +fragile authority. + +"I should have known there was some material basis for the spiritual +doctrine of _mpoola_," Harkaway declared with tears in his eyes as he +regarded the dormant form of his little pet. "Was it not the +transformation of the caterpillar into the butterfly that first showed +us on Earth how the soul might emerge winged and beautiful from its vile +house of clay? Gentlemen," he said, in a voice choked with emotion, "our +little greech is about to become a zkoort. Praised be the Impersonal +Being who has allowed such a miracle to take place before our very eyes. +_J'goona lo mpoona_." + +"Amen," said the first officer reverently. + +All those in the control room bowed their heads except Iversen. And even +he didn't quite have the nerve to tell them that the cocoon was pushing +the _Herringbone_ two points off course. + + * * * * * + +"Take that thing away before I lose my temper and clobber it," Iversen +said impatiently as the zkoort dived low to buzz him, then whizzed just +out of its reach on its huge, brilliant wings, giggling raucously. + +[Illustration] + +"He was just having his bit of fun," the first officer said with +reproach. "Have you no tolerance, Captain, no appreciation of the joys +of golden youth?" + +"A spaceship is no place for a butterfly," Iversen said, "especially a +four-foot butterfly." + +"How can you say that?" Harkaway retorted. "The _Herringbone_ is the +only spaceship that ever had one, to my knowledge. And I think I can +safely say our lives are all a bit brighter and better and _m'poo'p_ +for having a zkoort among us. Thanks be to the Divine Nonentity for--" + +"Poor little butterfly," Dr. Smullyan declared sonorously, "living out +his brief life span so far from the fresh air, the sunshine, the pretty +flowers--" + +"Oh, I don't know that it's as bad as all that," the first officer said. +"He hangs around hydroponics a lot and he gets a daily ration of +vitamins." Then he paled. "But that's right--a butterfly does live only +a day, doesn't it?" + +"It's different with a zkoort," Harkaway maintained stoutly, though he +also, Iversen noted, lost his ruddy color. "After all, he isn't really a +butterfly, merely an analogous life-form." + +"My, my! In four weeks, you've mastered their entomology as well as +their theology and language," Iversen jeered. "Is there no end to your +accomplishments, Lieutenant?" + +Harkaway's color came back twofold. "He's already been around half a +_thubb_," he pointed out. "Over two weeks." + +"Well, the thing _is_ bigger than a Terrestrial butterfly," Iversen +conceded, "so you have to make some allowances for size. On the other +hand--" + +Laughing madly, the zkoort swooped down on him. Iversen beat it away +with a snarl. + +"Playful little fellow, isn't he?" the first officer said, with +thoroughly annoying fondness. + +"He likes you, Skipper," Harkaway explained. "_Urg'h n gurg'h_--or, to +give it the crude Terran equivalent, living is loving. He can tell that +beneath that grizzled and seemingly harsh exterior of yours, Captain--" + +But, with a scream of rage, Iversen had locked himself into his cabin. +Outside, he could hear the zkoort beating its wings against the door and +wailing disappointedly. + + * * * * * + +Some days later, a pair of rapidly dulling wings were found on the floor +of the hydroponics chamber. But of the zkoort's little body, there was +no sign. An air of gloom and despondency hung over the _Herringbone_ and +even Iversen felt a pang, though he would never admit it without +brainwashing. + +During the next week, the men, seeking to forget their loss, plunged +themselves into _mpoola_ with real fanaticism. Harkaway took to wearing +some sort of ecclesiastical robes which he whipped up out of the +recreation room curtains. Iversen had neither the heart nor the courage +to stop him, though this, too, was against regulations. Everyone except +Iversen gave up eating fish and eggs in addition to meat. + +Then, suddenly, one day a roly-poly blue animal appeared at the officers +mess, claiming everyone as an old friend with loud squeals of joy. This +time, Iversen was the only one who was glad to see him--really glad. + +"Aren't you happy to see your little friend again, Harkaway?" he asked, +scratching the delighted animal between the ears. + +"Why, sure," Harkaway said, putting his fork down and leaving his +vegetable _macedoine_ virtually untasted. "Sure. I'm very happy--" his +voice broke--"very happy." + +"Of course, it does kind of knock your theory of the transmigration of +souls into a cocked hat," the captain grinned. "Because, in order for +the soul to transmigrate, the previous body's got to be dead, and I'm +afraid our little pal here was alive all the time." + +"Looks it, doesn't it?" muttered Harkaway. + +"I rather think," Iversen went on, tickling the creature under the chin +until it squealed happily, "that you didn't _quite_ get the nuances of +the language, did you, Harkaway? Because I gather now that the whole +difficulty was a semantic one. The Flimbotzik were explaining the +zoology of the native life-forms to you and you misunderstood it as +their theology." + +"Looks it, doesn't it?" Harkaway repeated glumly. "It certainly looks +it." + +"Cheer up," Iversen said, reaching over to slap the young man on the +back--a bit to his own amazement. "No real harm done. What if the +Flimbotzik are less primitive than you fancied? It makes our discovery +the more worthwhile, doesn't it?" + +At this point, the radio operator almost sobbingly asked to be excused +from the table. Following his departure, there was a long silence. It +was hard, Iversen realized in a burst of uncharacteristic tolerance, to +have one's belief, even so newly born a credo, annihilated with such +suddenness. + +"After all, you did run across the Flimbotzik first," he told Harkaway +as he spread gooseberry jam on a hard roll for the ravenous ex-zkoort +(now a chu-wugg, he had been told). "That's the main thing, and a +life-form that passes through two such striking metamorphoses is not +unfraught with interest. You shall receive full credit, my boy, and your +little mistake doesn't mean a thing except--" + +"Doom," said Dr. Smullyan, sopping up the last of his gravy with a piece +of bread. "Doom, doom, doom." He stuffed the bread into his mouth. + +"Look, Smullyan," Iversen told him jovially, "you better watch out. If +you keep talking that way, next voyage out we'll sign on a parrot +instead of a medical officer. Cheaper and just as efficient." + +Only the chu-wugg joined in his laughter. + +"Ever since I can remember," the first officer said, looking gloomily at +the doctor, "he's never been wrong. Maybe _he_ has powers beyond our +comprehension. Perhaps we sought at the end of the Galaxy what was in +our own back yard all the time." + +"Who was seeking what?" Iversen asked as all the officers looked at +Smullyan with respectful awe. "I demand an answer!" + +But the only one who spoke was the doctor. "Only Man is vile," he said, +as if to himself, and fell asleep with his head on the table. + +"Make a cult out of Smullyan," Iversen warned the others, "and I'll +scuttle the ship!" + +Later on, the first officer got the captain alone. "Look here, sir," he +began tensely, "have you read Harkaway's book about _mpoola_?" + +"I read part of the first chapter," Iversen told him, "and that was +enough. Maybe to Harkaway it's eschatology, but to me it's just plain +scatology!" + +"But--" + +"Why in Zubeneschamali," Iversen said patiently, "should I waste my time +reading a book devoted to a theory which has already been proved +erroneous? Answer me that!" + +"I think you should have a look at the whole thing," the first officer +persisted. + +"Baham!" Iversen replied, but amiably enough, for he was in rare good +humor these days. And he needed good humor to tolerate the way his +officers and men were behaving. All right, they had made idiots of +themselves; that was understandable, expected, familiar. But it wasn't +the chu-wugg's fault. Iversen had never seen such a bunch of soreheads. +Why did they have to take their embarrassment and humiliation out on an +innocent little animal? + +For, although no one actually mistreated the chu-wugg, the men avoided +him as much as possible. Often Iversen would come upon the little fellow +weeping from loneliness in a corner with no one to play with and, giving +in to his own human weakness, the captain would dry the creature's +tears and comfort him. In return, the chu-wugg would laugh at all his +jokes, for he seemed to have acquired an elementary knowledge of Terran. + + * * * * * + +"By Vindemiatrix, Lieutenant," the captain roared as Harkaway, foiled in +his attempt to scurry off unobserved, stood quivering before him, "why +have you been avoiding me like this?" + +"I didn't think I was avoiding you any particular way, sir," Harkaway +said. "I mean does it appear like that, sir? It's only that I've been +busy with my duties, sir." + +"I don't know what's the matter with you! I told you I handsomely +forgave you for your mistake." + +"But I can never forgive myself, sir--" + +"Are you trying to go over my head?" Iversen thundered. + +"No, sir. I--" + +"If I am willing to forgive you, you will forgive yourself. That's an +order!" + +"Yes, sir," the young man said feebly. + +Harkaway had changed back to his uniform, Iversen noted, but he looked +unkempt, ill, harrowed. The boy had really been suffering for his +precipitance. Perhaps the captain himself had been a little hard on him. + +Iversen modulated his tone to active friendliness. "Thought you might +like to know the chu-wugg turned into a hoop-snake this morning!" + +But Harkaway did not seem cheered by this social note. "So soon!" + +"You knew there would be a fourth metamorphosis!" Iversen was +disappointed. But he realized that Harkaway was bound to have acquired +such fundamental data, no matter how he interpreted them. It was +possible, Iversen thought, that the book could actually have some value, +if there were some way of weeding fact from fancy, and surely there must +be scholars trained in such an art, for Earth had many wholly indigenous +texts of like nature. + +"He's a thor'glitch now," Harkaway told him dully. + +"And what comes next?... No, don't tell me. It's more fun not knowing +beforehand. You know," Iversen went on, almost rubbing his hands +together, "I think this species is going to excite more interest on +Earth than the Flimbotzik themselves. After all, people are people, even +if they're green, but an animal that changes shape so many times and so +radically is really going to set biologists by the ears. What did you +say the name of the species as a whole was?" + +"I--I couldn't say, sir." + +"Ah," Iversen remarked waggishly, "so there are one or two things you +don't know about Flimbot, eh?" + +Harkaway opened his mouth, but only a faint bleating sound came out. + + * * * * * + +As the days went on, Iversen found himself growing fonder and fonder of +the thor'glitch. Finally, in spite of the fact that it had now attained +the dimensions of a well-developed boa constrictor, he took it to live +in his quarters. + +Many was the quiet evening they spent together, Iversen entering acid +comments upon the crew in the ship's log, while the thor'glitch looked +over viewtapes from the ship's library. + +The captain was surprised to find how much he--well, enjoyed this +domestic tranquility. I must be growing old, he thought--old and mellow. +And he named the creature Bridey, after a twentieth-century figure who +had, he believed, been connected with another metempsychotic furor. + +When the thor'glitch grew listless and began to swell in the middle, +Iversen got alarmed and sent for Dr. Smullyan. + +"Aha!" the medical officer declaimed, with a casual glance at the +suffering snake. "The day of reckoning is at hand! Reap the fruit of +your transgression, scurvy humans! Calamity approaches with jets +aflame!" + +Iversen clutched the doctor's sleeve. "Is he--is he going to die?" + +"Unhand me, presumptuous navigator!" Dr. Smullyan shook the captain's +fingers off his arm. "I didn't say he was going to die," he offered in +ordinary bedside tones. "Not being a specialist in this particular +sector, I am not qualified to offer an opinion, but, strictly off the +record, I would hazard the guess that he's about to metamorphose again." + +"He never did it in public before," Iversen said worriedly. + +"The old order changeth," Smullyan told him. "You'd better call +Harkaway." + +"What does _he_ know!" + +"Too little and, at the same time, too much," the doctor declaimed, +dissociating himself professionally from the case. "Too much and too +little. Eat, drink, be merry, iniquitous Earthmen, for you died +yesterday!" + +"Oh, shut up," Iversen said automatically, and dispatched a message to +Harkaway with the information that the thor'glitch appeared to be +metamorphosing again and that his presence was requested in the +captain's cabin. + +[Illustration] + +The rest of the officers accompanied Harkaway, all of them with the air +of attending a funeral rather than a rebirth, Iversen noted nervously. +They weren't armed, though, so Bridey couldn't be turning into anything +dangerous. + + * * * * * + +Now it came to pass that the thor'glitch's mid-section, having swelled +to unbearable proportions, began to quiver. Suddenly, the skin split +lengthwise and dropped cleanly to either side, like a banana peel. + +Iversen pressed forward to see what fresh life-form the bulging cavity +had held. The other officers all stood in a somber row without moving, +for all along, Iversen realized, they had known what to expect, what was +to come. And they had not told him. But then, he knew, it was his own +fault; he had refused to be told. + +Now, looking down at the new life-form, he saw for himself what it was. +Lying languidly in the thor'glitch skin was a slender youth of a pallor +which seemed excessive even for a member of a green-skinned race. He had +large limpid eyes and a smile of ineffable sweetness. + +"By Nopus Secundus," Iversen groaned. "I'm sunk." + +"Naturally the ultimate incarnation for a life-form would be humanoid," +Harkaway said with deep reproach. "What else?" + +"I'm surprised you didn't figure that out for yourself, sir," the first +officer added. "Even if you did refuse to read Harkaway's book, it seems +obvious." + +"Does it?" Smullyan challenged. "Does it, indeed? Is Man the highest +form of life in an irrational cosmos? Then all causes are lost ones!... +So many worlds," he muttered in more subdued tones, "so much to do, so +little done, such things to be!" + +"The Flimbotzik were telling Harkaway about their _own_ life cycle," +Iversen whispered as revelation bathed him in its murky light. "The +human embryo undergoes a series of changes _inside_ the womb. It's just +that the Flimbotzik fetus develops _outside_ the womb." + +"Handily bypassing the earliest and most unpleasant stages of humanity," +Smullyan sighed. "Oh, idyllic planet, where one need never be a +child--where one need never see a child!" + +"Then they were trying to explain their biology to you quite clearly and +coherently, you lunkhead," Iversen roared at Harkaway, "and you took it +for a religious doctrine!" + +"Yes, sir," Harkaway said weakly. "I--I kind of figured that out myself +in these last few weeks of intensive soul-searching. I--I'm sorry, sir. +All I can say is that it was an honest mistake." + +"Why, they weren't necessarily pet-lovers at all. Those animals they had +with them were.... By Nair al Zaurak!" The captain's voice rose to a +shriek as the whole enormity of the situation finally dawned upon him. +"You went and kidnaped one of the children!" + +"That's a serious charge, kidnaping," the first officer said with +melancholy pleasure. "And you, as head of this expedition, Captain, are +responsible. Ironic, isn't it?" + +"Told you all this spelled doom and disaster," the doctor observed +cheerfully. + +Just then, the young humanoid sat up--with considerable effort, Iversen +was disturbed to notice. But perhaps that was one of the consequences of +being born. A new-born infant was weak; why not a new-born adult, then? + +"Why doom?" the humanoid asked in a high, clear voice. "Why disaster?" + +"You--you speak Terran?" the captain stammered. + +Bridey gave his sad, sweet smile. "I was reared amongst you. You are my +people. Why should I not speak your tongue?" + +"But we're not your people," Iversen blurted, thinking perhaps the youth +did not remember back to his greechi days. "We're an entirely different +species--" + +"Our souls vibrate in unison and that is the vital essence. But do not +be afraid, shipmates; the Flimbotzik do not regard the abduction of a +transitory corporeal shelter as a matter of any great moment. Moreover, +what took place could not rightly be termed abduction, for I came with +you of my own volition--and the Flimbotzik recognize individual +responsibility from the very first moment of the psyche's drawing breath +in any material casing." + +Bridey talked so much like Harkaway's book that Iversen was almost +relieved when, a few hours later, the alien died. Of course the captain +was worried about possible repercussions from the governments of both +Terra and Flimbot, in spite of Bridey's assurances. + +And he could not help but feel a pang when the young humanoid expired in +his arms, murmuring, "Do not grieve for me, soul-mates. In the midst of +life, there is life...." + +"Funny," Smullyan said, with one of his disconcerting returns to a +professional manner, "all the other forms seemed perfectly healthy. Why +did this one go like that? Almost as if he _wanted_ to die." + +"He was too good for this ship, that's what," the radio operator said, +glaring at the captain. "Too fine and brave and--and noble." + +"Yes," Harkaway agreed. "What truly sensitive soul could exist in a +stultifying atmosphere like this?" + +All the officers glared at the captain. He glared back with right good +will. "How come you gentlemen are still with us?" he inquired. "One +would have thought you would have perished of pure sensibility long +since, then." + +"It's not nice to talk that way," the chief petty officer burst out, +"not with him lying there not yet cold.... Ah," he heaved a long sigh, +"we'll never see his like again." + +"Ay, that we won't," agreed the crew, huddled in the corridor outside +the captain's cabin. + +Iversen sincerely hoped not, but he forbore to speak. + + * * * * * + +Since Bridey had reached the ultimate point in his life cycle, it seemed +certain that he was not going to change into anything else and so he was +given a spaceman's burial. Feeling like a put-upon fool, Captain Iversen +read a short prayer as Bridey's slight body was consigned to the vast +emptiness of space. + +Then the airlock clanged shut behind the last mortal remains of the +ill-fated extraterrestrial and that was the end of it. + +But the funereal atmosphere did not diminish as the ship forged on +toward Earth. Gloomy days passed, one after the other, during which no +one spoke, save to issue or dispute an order. Looking at himself one day +in the mirror on his cabin wall, the captain realized that he was +getting old. Perhaps he ought to retire instead of still dreaming of a +new command and a new crew. + +And then one day, as he sat in his cabin reading the Spaceman's Credo, +the lights on the _Herringbone_ went out, all at once, while the +constant hum of the motors died down slowly, leaving a strange, +uncomfortable silence. Iversen found himself suspended weightless in the +dark, for the gravity, of course, had gone off with the power. What, he +wondered, had come to pass? He often found himself thinking in such +terms these days. + +Hoarse cries issued from the passageway outside; then he heard a squeak +as his cabin door opened and persons unknown floated inside, breathing +heavily. + +"The power has failed, sir!" gasped the first officer's voice. + +"That has not escaped my notice," Iversen said icily. Were not even his +last moments to be free from persecution? + +"It's all that maniac Smullyan's fault. He stored his _mk'oog_ in the +fuel tanks. After emptying them out first, that is. We're out of fuel." + +The captain put a finger in his book to mark his place, which was, he +knew with a kind of supernal detachment, rather foolish, because there +was no prospect of there ever being lights to read by again. + +"Put him in irons, if you can find him," he ordered. "And tell the men +to prepare themselves gracefully for a lingering death." + +Iversen could hear a faint creak as the first officer drew himself to +attention in the darkness. "The men of the _Herringbone_, sir," he said, +stiffly, "are always prepared for calamity." + +"Ay, that we are," agreed various voices. + +So they were all there, were they? Well, it was too much to expect that +they would leave him in death any more than they had in life. + +"It is well," Iversen said. "It is well," he repeated, unable to think +of anything more fitting. + +Suddenly the lights went on again and the ship gave a leap. From his +sprawling position on the floor, amid his recumbent officers, Iversen +could hear the hum of motors galvanized into life. + +"But if the fuel tanks are empty," he asked of no one in particular, +"where did the power come from?" + +"I am the power," said a vast, deep voice that filled the ship from hold +to hold. + +"And the glory," said the radio operator reverently. "Don't forget the +glory." + +"No," the voice replied and it was the voice of Bridey, resonant with +all the amplitude of the immense chest cavity he had acquired. "Not the +glory, merely the power. I have reached a higher plane of existence. I +am a spaceship." + +"Praise be to the Ultimate Nothingness!" Harkaway cried. + +"Ultimate Nothingness, nothing!" Bridey said impatiently. "I achieved it +all myself." + +"Then that's how the Flimbotzi spaceships were powered!" Iversen +exclaimed. "By themselves--the Flimbotzik themselves, I mean--" + +"Even so," Bridey replied grandly. "And this lofty form of life happens +to be one which we poor humans cannot reach unassisted. Someone has to +build the shell for us to occupy, which is the reason humans dwell +together in fellowship and harmony--" + +"You purposely got Harkaway to take you aboard the _Herringbone_," +Iversen interrupted wrathfully. "You--you stowaway!" + +Bridey's laugh rang through the ship, setting the loose parts quivering. +"Of course. When first I set eyes upon this vessel of yours, I saw +before me the epitome of all dreams. Never had any of our kind so +splendid an encasement. And, upon determining that the vessel was, as +yet, a soulless thing, I got myself aboard; I was born, I died, and was +reborn again with the greatest swiftness consonant with comfort, so that +I could awaken in this magnificent form. Oh, joy, joy, joy!" + +"You know," Iversen said, "now that I hear one of you talk at length, I +really can't blame Harkaway for his typically imbecilic mistake." + +"We are a wordy species," Bridey conceded. + +"You had no right to do what you did," Iversen told him, "no right to +take over--" + +"But I didn't take over," Bridey the _Herringbone_ said complacently. "I +merely remained quiescent and content in the knowledge of my power until +yours failed. Without me, you would even now be spinning in the vasty +voids, a chrome-trimmed sepulcher. Now, three times as swiftly as +before, shall I bear you back to the planet you very naively call home." + +"Not three times as fast, please!" Iversen was quick to plead. "The ship +isn't built--_we're_ not built to stand such speeds." + +The ship sighed. "Disappointment needs must come to all--the high, the +low, the man, the spaceship. It must be borne--" the voice +broke--"bravely. Somehow." + +"What am I going to do?" Iversen asked, turning to the first officer for +advice for the first time ever. "I was planning to ask for a transfer or +resign my command when we got back to Earth. But how can I leave Bridey +in the hands of the IEE(E)?" + +"You can't, sir," the first officer said. "Neither can we." + +"If you explain," Harkaway offered timidly, "perhaps they'll present the +ship to the government." + +Both Iversen and the first officer snorted, united for once. "Not the +IEE(E)," Iversen said. "They'd--they'd exhibit it or something and +charge admission." + +"Oh, no," Bridey cried, "I don't want to be exhibited! I want to sail +through the trackless paths of space. What good is a body like this if I +cannot use it to its fullest?" + +"Have no fear," Iversen assured it. "We'll just--" he shrugged, his +dreams of escape forever blighted--"just have to buy the ship from the +IEE(E), that's all." + +"Right you are, sir," the first officer agreed. "We must club together, +every man Jack of us, and buy her. Him. It. That's the only decent thing +to do." + +"Perhaps they won't sell," Harkaway worried. "Maybe--" + +"Oh, they'll sell, all right," Iversen said wearily. "They'd sell the +chairman of the board, if you made them an offer, and throw in all the +directors if the price was right." + +"And then what will we do?" the first officer asked. "Once the ship has +been purchased, what will our course be? What, in other words, are we to +do?" + +It was Bridey who answered. "We will speed through space seeking, +learning, searching, until you--all of you--pass on to higher planes +and, leaving the frail shells you now inhabit, occupy proud, splendid +vessels like the one I wear now. Then, a vast transcendent flotilla, we +will seek other universes...." + +"But we don't become spaceships," Iversen said unhappily. "We don't +become anything." + +"How do you know we don't?" Smullyan demanded, appearing on the +threshold. "How do you know what we become? Build thee more stately +spaceships, O my soul!" + +Above all else, Iversen was a space officer and dereliction of duty +could not be condoned even in exceptional circumstances. "Put him in +irons, somebody!" + +"Ask Bridey why there were only forty-five spaceships on his planet!" +the doctor yelled over his shoulder as he was dragged off. "Ask where +the others went--where they are now." + +But Bridey wouldn't answer that question. + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Once a Greech, by Evelyn E. Smith + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ONCE A GREECH *** + +***** This file should be named 31664.txt or 31664.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/3/1/6/6/31664/ + +Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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