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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Mad Shepherds, by L. P. Jacks
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Mad Shepherds
+       and Other Human Studies
+
+Author: L. P. Jacks
+
+Illustrator: L. Leslie Brooke
+
+Release Date: February 24, 2010 [EBook #31386]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MAD SHEPHERDS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Mary Meehan and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+                                   MAD SHEPHERDS
+
+                             _AND OTHER HUMAN STUDIES_
+
+                                  BY L. P. JACKS
+
+
+WITH FRONTISPIECE BY
+L. LESLIE BROOKE
+
+NEW YORK
+HENRY HOLT AND COMPANY
+1910
+
+THIS BOOK
+IS DEDICATED TO
+SIR ROBERT BALL
+LL.D., F.R.S.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: "SNARLEY BOB" From a Drawing by L. Leslie Brooke]
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+
+MAD SHEPHERDS
+
+
+1. SHOEMAKER HANKIN
+
+2. SNARLEY BOB ON THE STARS
+
+3. "SNARLEYCHOLOGY," I. THEORETICAL
+
+4. "SNARLEYCHOLOGY," II. EXPERIMENTAL
+
+5. A MIRACLE, I
+
+6. A MIRACLE, II
+
+7. SHEPHERD TOLLER O' CLUN DOWNS
+
+8. SNARLEY BOB'S INVISIBLE COMPANION
+
+9. THE DEATH OF SNARLEY BOB
+
+
+OTHER HUMAN STUDIES
+
+1. FARMER PERRYMAN'S TALL HAT
+
+2. A GRAVEDIGGER SCENE
+
+3. HOW I TRIED TO ACT THE GOOD SAMARITAN
+
+4. "MACBETH" AND "BANQUO" ON THE BLASTED HEATH
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+There is nothing that so embases and enthralls the Souls of men, as the
+dismall and dreadfull thoughts of their own Mortality, which will not
+suffer them to look beyond this short span of Time, to see an houres
+length before them, or to look higher than these material Heavens; which
+though they could be stretch'd forth to infinity, yet would the space be
+too narrow for an enlightened mind, that will not be confined within the
+compass of corporeal dimensions. These black Opinions of Death and the
+Non-entity of Souls (darker than Hell it self) shrink up the free-born
+Spirit which is within us, which would otherwise be dilating and
+spreading it self boundlessly beyond all Finite Being: and when these
+sorry pinching mists are once blown away, it finds this narrow sphear of
+Being to give way before it; and having once seen beyond Time and
+Matter, it finds then no more ends nor bounds to stop its swift and
+restless motion. It may then fly upwards from one heaven to another,
+till it be beyond all orbe of Finite Being, swallowed up in the
+boundless Abyss of Divinity, [Greek: hyperanô tês ousias], beyond all
+that which darker thoughts are wont to represent under the Idea of
+Essence. This is that [Greek: theion skotos] which the Areopagite speaks
+of, which the higher our Minds soare into, the more incomprehensible
+they find it. Those dismall apprehensions which pinion the Souls of men
+to mortality, churlishly check and starve that noble life thereof, which
+would alwaies be rising upwards, and spread it self in a free heaven:
+and when once the Soul hath shaken off these, when it is once able to
+look through a grave, and see beyond death, it finds a vast Immensity of
+Being opening it self more and more before it, and the ineffable light
+and beauty thereof shining more and more into it.
+
+    _Select Discourses of John Smith, the
+    Cambridge Platonist, 1660._
+
+
+
+
+MAD SHEPHERDS
+
+_AND OTHER HUMAN STUDIES_
+
+
+
+
+SHOEMAKER HANKIN
+
+
+Among the four hundred human beings who peopled our parish there were
+two notable men and one highly gifted woman. All three are dead, and lie
+buried in the churchyard of the village where they lived. Their graves
+form a group--unsung by any poet, but worthy to be counted among the
+resting-places of the mighty.
+
+The woman was Mrs. Abel, the Rector's wife. None of us knew her
+origin--I doubt if she knew it herself: beyond her husband and children,
+assignable relatives she had none.
+
+    "Sie war nicht in dem Tal geboren,
+    Man wusste nicht woher sie kam."
+
+Her husband met her many years ago at a foreign watering-place, and
+married her there after a week's acquaintance--much to the scandal of
+his family, for the lady was an actress not unknown to fame. Their only
+consolation was that she had a considerable fortune--the fruit of her
+professional work.
+
+In all relevant particulars this strange venture had proved a huge
+success. To leave the fever of the stage for the quiet life of the
+village had been to Mrs. Abel like the escape of a soul from the flames
+of purgatory. She had rightly discerned that the Rev. Edward Abel was a
+man of large heart, high character, and excellent wit--partly clergyman,
+but mostly man. He, on his part, valued his wife, and his judgment was
+backed by every humble soul in the village. But the bigwigs of the
+county, and every clergyman's wife within a radius of ten miles, were of
+another mind. She had not been "proper" to begin with--at least, they
+said so; and as time went on she took no pains to be more "proper" than
+she was at first. Her improprieties, so far as I could ever learn, arose
+from nothing more heinous than her possession of an intelligence more
+powerful and a courage more daring than that to which any of her
+neighbours could lay claim. Her outspokenness was a stumbling-block to
+many; and the offence of speaking her mind was aggravated by the
+circumstance, not always present at such times, that she had a mind to
+speak. To quote the language in which Farmer Perryman once explained the
+situation to me: "She'd given all on 'em a taste o' the whip, and with
+some on 'em she'd peppered and salted the sore place into the bargain."
+Moreover, she sided with many things that a clergyman's wife ought to
+oppose: took all sorts of undesirables under her protection, helped
+those whom everybody else wanted to punish, threw good discretion to the
+winds, and sometimes mixed in undertakings which no "lady" ought to
+touch. To all this she added the impertinence of regular attendance at
+church, where she recited the Creeds in a rich voice that almost drowned
+her husband's, turning punctually to the East and bowing at the Sacred
+Name. That she was a hypocrite trying to save her face was, of course,
+obvious to every Scribe and Pharisee in the county. But the poor of
+Deadborough preferred her hypocrisy to the virtuous simplicity of her
+critics.
+
+Mrs. Abel is too great a subject for such humble portraiture as I can
+attempt, and she will henceforth appear in these pages only as occasion
+requires. It is time that we turn to the men.
+
+The first of these was Robert Dellanow, known far and wide as "Snarley
+Bob," head shepherd to Sam Perryman of the Upper Farm. I say, the first;
+for it was he who had the pre-eminence, both as to intelligence and the
+tragic antagonisms of his life. The man had many singularities, singular
+at least in shepherds. Perhaps the chief of these was the violence of
+the affinities and repulsions that broke forth from him towards every
+personality with whom he came into any, even the slightest, contact.
+Snarley invariably loved or hated at first sight, or rather at first
+sound, for he was strangely sensitive to the tones of a human voice. If,
+as seldom happened, your voice and presence chanced to strike the
+responsive chord, Snarley became your devoted slave on the spot; the
+heavy, even brutal, expression that his face often wore passed off like
+a cloud; you were in the Mount of Transfiguration, and it seemed that
+Elijah or one of the prophets had come back to earth. If, as was more
+likely, your manner repelled him, he would show signs of immediate
+distress; the animality of his features would become more sinister and
+forbidding; and if, undaunted by the first repulse, you continued to
+press your attentions upon him, he would presently break out into an
+ungovernable paroxysm of rage, accompanied by startling language and
+even by threats of violence, which drove offenders headlong from his
+presence. In these outbursts he was unrestrained by rank, age, or
+sex--indeed, his antipathies to certain women were the most violent of
+all. Curiously enough, it was the presence of humanity of the
+uncongenial type which alone had power to effect his reversion to the
+status of the brute. His normal condition was gentle and serene: he was
+fond of children and certain animals, and he bore the agonies of his old
+rheumatic limbs without a murmur of complaint.
+
+It was not possible, of course, that such a man, however gifted with
+intelligence, should "succeed in life." There were some people who held
+that he was mad, and proposed that he should be put under restraint; and
+doubtless they would have gained their end had not Snarley been able to
+give proofs of his sanity in certain directions such as few men could
+produce.
+
+Once he had been haled before the magistrate to answer a serious charge
+of using threats, was fined and compelled to give security for his good
+behaviour; and it was on this occasion that he narrowly escaped
+detention as a lunatic. Indeed, I cannot prove that he was sane; but
+neither could I prove it, if challenged, in regard to myself--a
+difficulty which the courteous reader, in his own case, will hardly deny
+that he has to share with me. Mad or sane, it is certain that Snarley,
+under a kinder Fate, might have been something more splendid than he
+was. Mystic, star-gazer, dabbler in black or blackish arts, he seemed in
+his lowly occupation of shepherd to represent some strange miscarriage
+of Nature's designs; but Mrs. Abel, who understood the secrets of many
+hearts, always maintained that Snarley, the breeder of the famous
+Perryman rams, had found the calling to which he had been fore-ordained
+from the foundation of the world. Of this the reader must judge from the
+sequel; for we shall hear much of him anon.
+
+The second man was Tom Hankin, shoemaker. A man of strong contrasts was
+Tom; an octogenarian when I first knew him, and an atheist, as he
+proudly boasted, "all his life." My last interview with him took place a
+few days before his death, when he knew that he was hovering on the
+brink of the grave; and it was then that Hankin offered me his complete
+argument for the non-existence of Deity and the mortality of the soul.
+Never did dying saint dilate on the raptures of Paradise with greater
+fervour than that displayed by the old man as he developed his theme. I
+will not say that Hankin was happy; but he was fierce and unconquered,
+and totally unafraid. I think also that he was proud--proud, that is, of
+his ability to hurl defiance into the very teeth of Death. He said that
+he had always hoped he would be able to die thus; that he had sometimes
+feared lest in his last illness there should be some weakening towards
+the end: perhaps his mind would become overclouded, and he would lose
+grip of his arguments; perhaps he would think that death was _something_
+instead of being _nothing_; perhaps he would be troubled by the thought
+of impending annihilation. But no, it was all as clear as before,
+clearer if anything. All that troubled him was "that folks was so blind;
+that Snarley Bob, in particular, was as obstinate as ever--a man, sir,
+as ought to ha' known better; never would listen to no arguments; always
+shut him up when he tried to reason, and sometimes swore at him; and him
+with the best head in the whole county, but crammed full of rubbish that
+was no use to himself nor nobody else, and that nobody could make head
+nor tail of--no, not even Mrs. Abel, as was always backing him up; and
+to think of him breedin' sheep all his life; why, that man, sir, if only
+he'd learned a bit o' commonsense reasonin', might ha' done wonders,
+instead o' wastin' himself wi' a lot o' tomfoolery about stars and
+spirits, and what all." Thus he continued to pour forth till a fit of
+coughing interrupted the torrent.
+
+Hankin was the son of a Chartist, from whom he inherited a small but
+sufficient collection of books. Tom Paine was there, of course, bearing
+on every page of him the marks of two generations of Hankin thumbs. He
+also possessed the works of John Stuart Mill, not excepting the _Logic_,
+which he had mastered, even as to the abstruser portions, with a
+thoroughness such as few professors of the science could boast at the
+present day. Mill, indeed, was his prophet; and the principle of the
+Greatest Happiness was his guiding star. Hankin was well abreast of
+current political questions, and to every one of them he applied his
+principle and managed by means of it to take a definite side. As he
+worked at his last he would concentrate his mind on some chosen problem
+of social reform, and would ponder, with singular pertinacity, the ways
+and degrees in which alternative solutions of it would affect the
+happiness of men. He would sometimes spend weeks in meditating thus on a
+single problem, and, when a solution had been reached according to his
+method, he made it a regular practice to go down to the Nag's Head and
+announce the result, with all the prolixity of its antecedents, over a
+pot of beer. It was there that I heard Hankin defend "armaments" as
+conducive to the Greatest Happiness of the Greatest Number. Venturing to
+assail what I thought a preposterous view, I was met by a counter attack
+of horse, foot, and artillery, so well planned and vigorously sustained
+that in the end I was utterly beaten from the field. Had Snarley Bob
+been present, the result would have been different; indeed, there would
+have been no result to the controversy at all. He would have stopped the
+argument _ab initio_ by affirming in language of his own, perhaps
+unprintable, that the whole question was of not the slightest importance
+to anybody; that "them as built the ships, because someone had argued
+'em into doing it, were fools, and them as did the arguing were bigger
+fools still"; the same for those who refrained from building; that, in
+short, the only way to get such questions settled was "to leave 'em to
+them as knows what's what." This ignorant and undemocratic attitude
+never failed to divert Hankin from argument to recrimination, which was
+all the more bitter because Bob had a way of implying, mainly by the
+movement of his horse-like eyes, that he himself was one of those who
+knew precisely what "what" was. The upshot therefore was a row between
+shepherd and shoemaker--a thing which the shepherd enjoyed in the same
+degree as he hated the shoemaker's arguments.
+
+Not the least of Mrs. Abel's improprieties was her open patronage of
+Hankin. The shoemaker had established what he called an Ethical Society,
+which held its meetings on Sunday afternoons in the barn of a
+sympathetic farmer. These meetings, which were regularly addressed by
+Hankin, Mrs. Abel used frequently to attend. The effect of this was
+twofold. On the one hand, it was no small stimulus to Hankin that among
+the handful of uneducated irreconcilables who gathered to hear him, he
+might have for auditor one of the keenest and most cultivated minds in
+England--one who, as he was well aware, had no sympathy with his
+opinions. I once heard him lecture on one of his favourite topics while
+she was present, and I must say that I have seldom heard a bad case
+better argued. On the other hand, Mrs. Abel's presence served to rob his
+lectures of much of the force which opinions, when condemned by the
+rich, invariably have among the poor. She was shrewd enough to perceive
+that active repression of Hankin, who she well knew could not be
+repressed, would only swell his following and strengthen his position.
+
+This, of course, was not understood by the local guardians of morality
+and religion. After vainly appealing to Mr. Abel, who turned an
+absolutely deaf ear to the petitioners, they proceeded to lay the case
+before the Bishop, who happened to be, unfortunately for them, one of
+the most courageous and enlightened prelates of his time. The Bishop, on
+whom considerable pressure was brought to bear, resolved at last to come
+down to Deadborough and have an interview with Mrs. Abel. The result was
+that he and the lady became fast and lifelong friends. He returned to
+his palace determined to take the risk, and to all further importunities
+he merely returned a formal answer that he saw no reason to interfere.
+This was not the least daring of many actions which have distinguished,
+by their boldness and commonsense, the record of a singularly noble
+career. The case did not get into the papers; none the less, it was much
+talked of in clerical circles, and its effect was to give the Bishop a
+reputation among prelates not unlike that which Mrs. Abel had won among
+clergymen's wives.
+
+The Bishop's intervention having failed, the party of repression now
+determined on the short and easy way. Hankin's landlord was Peter Shott,
+whose holding consisted of two small farms which had been joined
+together. In the house belonging to one of these farms lived Hankin, a
+sub-tenant of Shott. To Shott there came, in due course, a hint from an
+exalted quarter that it would be to his interests to give Hankin notice
+to quit. Shott was willing enough, and presently the notice was served.
+It was a serious thing for the shoemaker, for he had a good business,
+and there was no other house or cottage available in the neighbourhood.
+
+In the interval before the notice expired announcements appeared that
+the estate to which Shott's holding belonged was to be sold by auction
+in lots. Shott himself was well-to-do, and promptly determined to become
+the purchaser of his farm.
+
+There were several bidders at the sale, and Shott was pushed to the very
+end of his tether. He managed, however, to outbid them all, though he
+trembled at his own temerity; and the farm was on the point of being
+knocked down to him when a lawyer's clerk at the end of the room went
+£50 better. Shott took a gulp of whisky to steady his nerve and
+desperately put the price up fifty more. The lawyer's clerk immediately
+countered with another hundred, and looked as though he was ready to go
+on. That was the knock-down blow. Shott put his hands in his pockets,
+leaned back in his chair, and dolefully shook his head in response to
+all the coaxings and blandishments of the auctioneer. The hammer fell.
+"Name, please," was called; the lawyer's clerk passed up a slip of
+paper, and a thunderbolt fell on the company when the auctioneer read
+out, "Mr. Thomas Hankin." Hankin had bought the farms for £4700. "Cheque
+for deposit," said the auctioneer. A cheque for £470, previously signed
+by Hankin, was immediately filled in and passed up by the lawyer's
+clerk.
+
+It was, of course, Mrs. Abel who had advanced the money to the shoemaker
+on prospective mortgage, less a sum of £1000 which he himself
+contributed--the savings of his life. The situation became interesting.
+Here was Hankin, under notice to quit, now become the rightful owner of
+his own house and the landlord of his landlord. Everyone read what had
+happened as a deep-laid scheme of vengeance on the part of Hankin and
+Mrs. Abel, of whose part in the transaction no secret whatever was made.
+It was taken for granted that the evicted man would now retaliate by
+turning Shott out of his highly cultivated farm and well-appointed
+house. The jokers of the Nag's Head were delirious, and drank gin in
+their beer for a week after the occurrence. Snarley Bob alone drank no
+gin, and merely contributed the remark that "them as laughs last, laughs
+best."
+
+Meanwhile the shoemaker, seated at his last, was carefully pondering the
+position in the light of the principles of Bentham and Mill. He
+considered all the possible alternatives and weighed off against one
+another the various amounts of pleasure and pain involved, resolutely
+counting himself as "one and not more than one." He certainly estimated
+at a large figure the amount of pleasure he himself would derive from
+paying Shott in his own coin. All consideration of "quality" was
+strictly eliminated, for in this matter Hankin held rather with Bentham
+than with Mill. The sum was an extremely complicated one to work, and
+gave more exercise to Hankin's powers of moral arithmetic than either
+armaments, or women's suffrage, or the State Church. Mrs. Abel had left
+him free to do exactly as he liked; and he had nearly determined to
+expel Shott when it occurred to him that by taking the other course he
+would give a considerable amount of pleasure to the Rector's wife. And
+to this must be added the pleasure which he would derive for himself by
+pleasing her, and further the pleasure of his chief friend and enemy,
+Snarley Bob, on discovering that both of them were pleased. Then there
+was the question of his own reflected pleasure in the pleasure of
+Snarley Bob, and this was considerable also; for though Hankin denounced
+Bob on every possible occasion, yet secretly he valued his good opinion
+more than that of any living man. It is true that the figures at which
+he estimated these personal quantities were very small in proportion to
+those which he had set down to the more public aspects of the case; for
+his principles forbade him to reckon either Mrs. Abel or Snarley as
+"more than one." Nevertheless, small as these figures were, Hankin
+found, when he came to add up his totals and strike off the balance of
+pains, that they were enough to turn the scale. He determined to leave
+Shott undisturbed, and went to bed with that feeling of perfect mental
+satisfaction which did duty with him for a conscience at peace.
+
+Notice of this resolution was conveyed next day to the parties
+concerned, and that night Farmer Shott, who was a pious Methodist and
+held family prayers, instead of imploring the Almighty "to defeat the
+wiles of Satan, now active in this village," put up a lengthy petition
+for blessings on the heads of Shoemaker Hankin and his family,
+mentioning each one of them by name, and adding such particulars of his
+or her special needs as would leave the Divine Benevolence with no
+excuse for mixing them up.
+
+With all his hard-headedness Hankin combined the graces of a singularly
+kind and tender heart. He held, of course, that there was nothing like
+leather, especially for mitigating the distress of the orphan and
+causing the widow's heart to sing for joy. Every year he received
+confidentially from the school-mistress a list of the worst-shod
+children in the school, from whom he selected a dozen belonging to the
+poorest families, that he might provide each of them at Christmas with a
+pair of good, strong shoes. The boots of labourers out of work and of
+other unfortunates he mended free of cost, regularly devoting to this
+purpose that part of the Sabbath which was not occupied in proving the
+non-existence of God. There was, for instance, poor Mary Henson--a loose
+deserted creature with illegitimate children of various paternity, and
+another always on the way--rejected by every charity in the parish,--to
+whom Hankin never failed to send needed footwear both for herself and
+her brats.
+
+Further, whenever a pair of shoes had to be condemned as "not worth
+mending," he endeavoured to retain them for a purpose of his own,
+sometimes paying a few pence for them as "old leather." When summer came
+round he set to work patching the derelicts as best he could, and would
+sometimes have thirty or forty pairs in readiness by the end of June.
+This was the season when the neighbourhood was annually invaded by
+troops of pea-pickers--a very miscellaneous collection of humanity
+comprising at the one extreme broken army men and university graduates,
+and at the other the lowest riff-raff of the towns. It was Hankin's
+regular custom to visit the camps where these people were quartered,
+with the avowed object of "studying human nature," but really for the
+purpose of spying out the shoeless, or worse than shoeless, feet. He was
+a notable performer on the concertina, and I well remember seeing him in
+the middle of a pea-field, surrounded by as sorry a group of human
+wreckage as civilisation could produce, listening, or dancing to his
+strains. Hankin's eyes were on their feet all the time. When the
+performance was over he went round to one and another, mostly women, and
+said something which made their eyes glisten.
+
+And here it may be recorded that one day, towards the end of his life,
+he received a letter from Canada containing a remittance for fifty
+pounds. The writer, Major ---- of the North-West Mounted Police, said
+that the money was payment for a certain pair of old shoes, the gift of
+which "had set him on his feet in more senses than one." He also stated
+that he had made a small fortune by speculating in town-lots, and,
+hearing that Hankin was alive, he was prepared to send him any further
+sum of money that might be necessary to secure him a comfortable old
+age. Major ---- died last year, and left by his will the sum of £300 in
+Consols to the Rector and churchwardens of Deadborough, the interest to
+be expended annually at Christmas in providing boots and shoes for the
+poor of the parish.
+
+In the matter of trade Hankin was prosperous, and fully deserved his
+prosperity. He has been dead four years, and I am wearing at this moment
+almost the last pair of boots he ever made. His materials were the best
+that could be procured, and his workmanship was admirable. His customers
+were largely the well-to-do people of the neighbourhood, and his
+standard price for walking-boots was thirty-three shillings. He was by
+no means incapable of the higher refinements of "style," so that great
+people like Lady Passingham or Captain Sorley were often heard to say
+that they preferred his goods to those of Bond Street. He did a large
+business in building shooting-boots for the numerous parties which
+gathered at Deadborough Hall; his customers recommended him in the
+London clubs, where such things are talked of, and he received orders
+from all parts of the country and at all times of the year. He might, no
+doubt, have made his fortune. But he would have no assistance save that
+of his two sons. He lived for thirty-seven years in the house from which
+Shott had sought to expel him, refusing all orders which exceeded the
+limited working forces at his command. He chartered the corns on many
+noble feet; he measured the gouty toe of a Duke to the fraction of a
+millimetre, and made a contour map of all its elevations from the main
+peak to the foot-hills; and it was said that a still more Exalted
+Personage occasionally walked on leather of his providing.
+
+Hankin neglected nothing which might contribute to the success of his
+work, and applied himself to its principles with the same thoroughness
+which distinguished his handling of the Utilitarian Standard. One of his
+sons had emigrated to the United States and become, in course of time,
+the manager of a large boot factory in Brockton, Mass. From him Hankin
+received patterns and lasts and occasional consignments of American
+leather. This latter he was inclined, in general, to despise.
+Nevertheless, it had its uses. He found that an outer-sole of
+hemlock-tanned leather would greatly lengthen the working life of a poor
+man's heavy boot; though for want of suppleness it was useless for goods
+supplied to the "quality." The American patterns and lasts, on the other
+hand, he treated with great respect. He held that they embodied a far
+sounder knowledge of the human foot than did the English variety, and
+found them a great help to his trade in giving style, comfort, and
+accuracy of fit. At a time when the great manufacturers of Stafford and
+Northampton were blundering along with a range of four or five standard
+patterns, Hankin, in his little shop, was working on much finer
+intervals and producing nine regular sizes of men's boots. Indeed, his
+ready-made goods were so excellent, and their "fit" so certain, that
+some of his customers preferred them, and ordered him to abandon their
+lasts.
+
+Such was Hankin's manner of life and conversation. If there is such a
+place as heaven, and the reader ever succeeds in getting there, let him
+look out for Shoemaker Hankin among the highest seats of glory. His
+funeral oration was pronounced, though not in public, by Snarley Bob.
+"Shoemaker Hankin were a great man. He'd got hold o' lots o' good
+things; but he'd got some on 'em by the wrong end. He _talked_ more than
+a man o' his size ought to ha' done. He spent his breath in proving that
+God doesn't exist, and his life in proving that He does."
+
+
+
+
+SNARLEY BOB ON THE STARS
+
+
+Towards the end of his life there were few persons with whom Snarley
+would hold converse, for his contempt of the human race was
+immeasurable. There was Mrs. Abel at the Rectory, whom he adored; there
+were the Perrymans, whom he loved; and there was myself, whom he
+tolerated. There was also his old wife, whom he treated as part of
+himself, neither better nor worse. With other human beings--saving only
+the children--his intercourse was limited as far as possible to
+interjectory grunts and snarls--whence his name.
+
+It was in an old quarry among the western hills, on a bleak January day
+not long before his death, that I met Snarley Bob and heard him
+discourse of the everlasting stars. The quarry was the place in which to
+find Snarley most at his ease. In the little room of his cottage he
+could hardly be persuaded to speak; the confined space made him
+restless; and, as often as not, if a question were asked him he would
+seem not to hear it, and would presently get up, walk out of the door,
+and return when it pleased him. "He do be growing terrible
+absent-minded," his wife would often say in these latter days. "I'm
+a'most afraid sometimes as he may be took in a fit." But in the old
+quarry he was another man. The open spaces of the sky seemed to bring
+him to himself.
+
+Many a time on a summer day I have watched Mrs. Abel's horse bearing its
+rider up the steep slope that led to the quarry, and more than once have
+I gone thither myself only to find that she had forestalled my hopes of
+an interview. "Snarley Bob," she used to say to me, with a frank
+disregard for my own feelings--"Snarley Bob is the one man in the world
+whom I have found worth talking to."
+
+The feature in Snarley's appearance that no one could fail to see, or,
+having seen, forget, was the extraordinary width between the eyes. It
+was commonly said that he had the power of seeing people behind his
+back. And so doubtless he had, but the thing was no miracle. It was a
+consequence of the position of his eyes, which, like those of a horse,
+were as much at the side of his head as they were in front.
+
+Snarley's manner of speech was peculiar. Hoarse and hesitating at first,
+as though the physical act were difficult, and rising now and then into
+the characteristic snarl, his voice would presently sink into a deep and
+resonant note and flow freely onward in a tone of subdued emphasis that
+was exceedingly impressive. Holding, as he did, that words are among the
+least important things of life, Snarley was nevertheless the master of
+an unforced manner of utterance more convincing by its quiet
+indifference to effect than all the preternatural pomposities of the
+pulpit and the high-pitched logic of the schools. I have often thought
+that any Cause or Doctrine which could get itself expressed in Snarley's
+tones would be in a fair way to conquer the world. Fortunately for the
+world, however, it is not every Cause, nor every Doctrine, which would
+lend itself to expression in that manner.
+
+Seated on a heap of broken road metal, with a doubled sack between his
+person and the stones, and with his short pipe stuck out at right angles
+to his profile, so that he could see what was going on in the bowl,
+Snarley Bob discoursed, at intervals, as follows:
+
+"Yes, sir, there's things about the stars that fair knocks you silly to
+think on. And, what's more, you can't think on 'em, leastways to no good
+purpose, until they _have_ knocked you silly. Why, what's the good of
+tellin' a man that it's ninety-three millions o' miles between the earth
+and the sun? There's lots o' folks as knows that; but there's not one in
+ten thousand as knows what it means. You gets no forrader wi' lookin' at
+the figures in a book. You must thin yourself out, and make your body
+lighter than air, and stretch and stretch at yourself until you gets the
+sun and planets, floatin' like, in the middle o' your mind. Then you
+begins to get hold on it. Or what's the good o' sayin' that Saturn has
+rings and nine moons? You must go to one o' them moons, and see Saturn
+half fillin' the sky, wi' his rings cuttin' the heavens from top to
+bottom, all coloured wi' crimson and gold--then you begins to stagger at
+it. That's why I say you can't think o' these things till they've
+knocked you silly. Now there's Sir Robert Ball--it's knocked him silly,
+I can tell you. I knowed that when I went to his lecture, by the
+pictures he showed us, and I sez to myself, 'Bob,' I sez, 'that's a man
+worth listenin' to.'
+
+"You're right, sir. I wouldn't pay the least attention to anything you
+might say about the stars unless you'd told me that it knocked you silly
+to think on 'em. No, and I wouldn't talk to you about 'em either. You
+wouldn't understand.
+
+"And, as you were sayin', it isn't easy to get them big things the right
+way up. When things gets beyond a certain bigness you don't know which
+way up they are; and as like as not they're standin' on their heads when
+you think they're standin' on their heels. That's the way with the
+stars. They all want lookin' at t'other way up from what most people
+looks at 'em. And perhaps it's a good thing they looks at 'em the wrong
+way; becos if they looked at 'em the right way it would scare 'em out o'
+their wits, especially the women--same as it does my missis when she
+hears me and Mrs. Abel talkin'. Always exceptin' Mrs. Abel; you can't
+scare her; and she sees most things right way up, that she does!
+
+"But when it comes to the stars, you want to be a bit of a _medium_
+before you can get at 'em. Oh yes, I've been a medium in my time, more
+than I care to think of, and I could be a medium again to-morrow, if I
+wanted to. But them's the only sort of folks as can see things from both
+ends. Most folks only look at things from one end--and that as often as
+not the wrong un. Mediums looks from both ends; and, if they're good at
+it, they soon find out which end's right. You see, some on 'em--like me,
+for instance--can throw 'emselves out o' 'emselves, in a manner o'
+speaking, so that they can see their own bodies, just as if they was
+miles away, same as I can see that man walking on the Deadborough Road.
+
+"Well, I've often done it, and many's the story I could tell of things
+I've seen by day and night; but it wasn't till I went to hear Sir Robert
+Ball as the grand idea came to me. 'Why not throw yerself into the
+stars, Bob?' I sez to myself. And, by gum, sir, I did it that very
+night. How I did it I don't know; I won't say as there weren't a drop o'
+drink in it; but the minute I'd _got through_, I felt as I'd stretched
+out wonderful and, blessed if I didn't find myself standin' wi' millions
+of other spirits, right in the middle o' Saturn's rings. And the things
+I see there I couldn't tell you, no, not if you was to give me a
+thousand pounds. Talk o' spirits! I tell you there was millions on 'em!
+And the lights and the colours--oh, but it's no good talkin'! I looked
+back and wanted to know where the earth was, and there I see it,
+dwindled to a speck o' light.
+
+"Now you can understand why I keeps my mouth shut. Do you think I'm
+going to talk of them things to a lot o' folks that's got no more sense
+nor swine? Not me! And what else is there that's worth talking on? Who's
+goin' to make a fuss and go blatherin' about this and that, when you
+know the whole earth's no bigger nor a pea? My eyes! if some o' these
+'ere talkin' politicians knowed half o' what I know, they'd stop their
+blowin' pretty quick.
+
+"There's our parson--and he's a good man, though not half good enough
+for _her_--why, you might as well talk to a babby three months old! If I
+told him, he'd only think I was crazy; and like as not he'd send for old
+Doctor Kenyon to come up and feel my head, same as they did wi' Shepherd
+Toller, Clun Downs way, before they put him in the asylum. I sometimes
+says to my missis that it's a good thing I'm a poor man wi' nowt but a
+flock o' sheep to look after. For don't you see, sir, when once you've
+got hold o' the bigness o' things it's all one--flocks o' sheep and
+nations o' men? If I were King o' England, or Prime Minister, or any
+sort o' great man, knowing what I know, I'd only think I were a bigger
+humbug nor the rest. I couldn't keep it up. But bein' only a shepherd,
+I've got nothing to keep up, and I'm thankful I haven't.
+
+"I allus knows when folks has got things wrong end up by the amount they
+talks. When you get 'em the right way you don't _want_ to talk on 'em,
+except it may be to one or two, like Mrs. Abel, as got 'em the same way
+as yourself. So when you hear folks jawin', you can allus tell what's
+the matter wi' 'em.
+
+"There's old Shoemaker Hankin at Deadborough. Know him? Well, did you
+ever hear such a blatherin' old fool? 'All these things you're mad on,
+Snarley,' he sez to me one day, 'are nowt but matter and force.' 'Matter
+and force,' I sez; 'what's them?' And then he lets on for half a' hour
+trying to tell me all about matter and force. When he'd done I sez, 'Tom
+Hankin, there's more sense in one o' them old shoes than there is in
+your silly 'ead. You've got things all wrong end up, and you're just
+baain' at 'em like a' old sheep!' 'How can you prove it?' he sez. 'I
+know it,' I sez, 'by the row you makes.' It's a sure sign, sir; you take
+my word for it.
+
+"Then there's all these parsons preaching away Sunday after Sunday. Why,
+doesn't it stand to sense that if they'd got things right way up, there
+they'd be, and that 'ud be the end on it? And it's because they're all
+wrong that they've got to go on jawin' to persuade people they're right.
+One day I was in Parson Abel's study. 'What's all them books about?' I
+sez. 'Religion, most on 'em,' sez he. 'Well,' I sez, 'if the folks as
+wrote 'em had got things right way up they wouldn't 'a needed to 'a
+wrote so many books.'
+
+"Then, agen, there's that professor as comes fishin' in summer. 'Mr.
+Dellanow,' he sez to me one day, 'I take a great interest in yer.'
+'That's a darned sight more'n I take in you,' I sez, for if there's one
+thing as puts my bristles up it's bein' told as folks takes a' interest
+in me. 'Well,' he sez, for he wasn't easy to offend, 'I want to 'ave a
+talk.' 'What about?' I sez. 'I want to talk about the stars and the
+space as they're floatin' in.' 'Has space ever knocked yer silly?' I
+sez. 'Yes,' he sez, 'in a manner o' speakin' it has.' 'No,' I sez, 'it
+hasn't, because if it had you wouldn't want to talk about it.' Well,
+there was no stoppin' 'im, and at last he gets it out that space is just
+a way we have o' lookin' at things. I know'd well enough what he meant,
+though I could see as he were puttin' it wrong way up. When he'd done I
+sez, 'That's all right. But suppose space wasn't a way folks have o'
+lookin' at things, but something else, what difference would that make?'
+'I don't see what you mean,' he sez. 'That's because you don't see what
+you mean yerself,' I sez. 'You're just like the rest on 'em--talkin'
+about things you've never seen, but only heard other folks talkin'
+about. You're in the same box wi' Shoemaker Hankin and the parsons and
+all the lot on 'em. What's the good o' jawin' about space when you've
+never been there yourself? I have. I've seen more space in one minute
+than you've ever heard talk on since you were born. Don't tell me! If
+you could see what I've seen you'd never say another word about space as
+long as yer lived.'
+
+"But you was askin' what bein' a medium has got to do wi' knowin' about
+the stars. More than some folks think. They're two roads leadin' to the
+same place. Both on 'em are ways o' gettin' to the right end of things.
+What's wrong wi' the mediums is that they haven't got _line_ enough.
+They only manage to get just outside their own skins; but what's wanted
+is to get right on to the edge of the world and then look back. That's
+what the stars teaches you to do; and when you've done it--my word! it
+turns yer clean inside out!
+
+"There's lots of nonsense in mediums; but there's no nonsense in the
+stars. And it's the stars that's goin' to knock the nonsense out o' the
+mediums, you mark my word! I found that out, for, as I was tellin' you,
+I used to be one myself, and am one now, for the matter o' that.
+
+"Now you listen to what I'm goin' to tell you. There's lots o' spirits
+about: but they don't talk, at least not as a rule, and they don't want
+to talk; and when the mediums make 'em talk, they're liars! Spirits has
+better ways o' doin' things than talkin' on 'em. That's what you finds
+out when you gives yourself a long line and gets out to the edge o' the
+world. Then you looks back, and you sees that the whole thing's alive.
+It looks you straight in the face; and you can see it thinkin' and
+smilin' and frownin' and doin' things, just as I can see you at this
+minute. Do you think the stars can't understand one another? They can do
+it a sight better than you and me can. And they do it without speakin' a
+word. That, I tell you, is what you _sees_ when you lets your line out
+to the edge!
+
+"And when you've seen it you don't bother any more wi' makin' the
+spirits rap on tables and such like. What's the sense o' tryin' to find
+out whether you'll be a spirit after you're dead when you know there's
+nothing else anywhere? But it's no good talkin'. If you're not a bit of
+a medium yourself you'll never understand--no, not if I was to go on
+talkin' till both on us are frozen to death. And I reckon you're pretty
+cold already--you look it. Come down the hill wi' me, and I'll get my
+missis to make yer a cup o' hot tea."
+
+
+
+
+"SNARLEYCHOLOGY"
+
+I. THEORETICAL
+
+
+Farmer Perryman was rich, and it was Snarley Bob who had made him so.
+Now Snarley was a cunning breeder of sheep. For three-and-forty years he
+had applied his intuitions and his patience to the task of producing
+rams and ewes such as the world had never seen. His system of
+"observation and experiment" was peculiarly his own; it is written down
+in no book, but stands recorded on barn-doors, on gate-posts, on
+hurdles, and on the walls of a wheeled box which was Snarley's main
+residence during the spring months of the year. It is a literature of
+notches and lines--cross, parallel, perpendicular, and horizontal--of
+which the chief merit in Snarley's eyes was that nobody could understand
+it save himself. But it was enough to give his faculties all the aid
+they required. By such simple means he succeeded long ago in laying the
+practical basis of a life's work, evolving a highly complicated system
+controlled by a single principle, and yet capable of manifold
+application. The Perryman flock, now famous among sheep-breeders all
+over the world, was the result.
+
+Thirty years ago this flock was the admiration and the envy of the whole
+countryside. Young farmers with capital were confident that they were
+going to make money as soon as they began to breed from the Perryman
+strain. To have purchased a Perryman ram was to have invested your money
+in a gilt-edged, but rising, stock. The early "eighties" were times of
+severe depression in those parts; capital was scarce, farmers were
+discouraged, and the flocks deteriorated. At the present moment there is
+no more prosperous corner in agricultural England, and the basis of that
+prosperity is the life-work of Snarley Bob.
+
+The fame of that work is now world-wide, though the author of it is
+unknown. The Perryman rams have been exported into almost every
+sheep-raising country on the globe. Hundreds of thousands of their
+descendants are now nibbling food, and converting it into fine mutton
+and long-stapled wool, in Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and the
+Argentine. Only last summer I saw a large animal meditating procreation
+among the foot-hills of the Rockies, and was informed of the fabulous
+price of his purchase--fabulous but commercially sound, for the animal
+was a Perryman ram, and the owner was sublimely confident of being "up
+against a sure thing." Many fortunes have been made from that source;
+and there are perhaps millions of human beings now eating mutton or
+wearing cloth who, if they could trace the authorship of these good
+things, would stand up and bless the memory of Snarley Bob.
+
+One day among the hills I met the old man in presence of his charge,
+like a general reviewing his troops. As the flock passed on before us
+the professional reticence of Snarley was broken, and he began to talk
+of the animals before him, pointing to this and to that. Little by
+little his remarks began to remind me of something I had read in a book.
+On returning home, I looked the matter up. The book was a treatise on
+Mendelism, and, as I read on, the link was strengthened. Meeting Snarley
+Bob a few days afterwards, I did my best to communicate what I had
+learnt about Mendelism. He listened with profound attention, though, as
+I thought, with a trace of annoyance. He made some deprecatory remarks,
+quite in character, about "learned chaps as goes 'umbuggin' about things
+they don't understand." But in the end he was forced to confess some
+interest in what he had heard. "Them fellers," he said, "is on the right
+road; but they don't know where they're goin', and they don't go far
+enough." "How much further ought they to go?" I asked. For answer
+Snarley pointed to rows of notches on a five-barred gate and said, "It's
+all there." Whether it is "all there" or not I cannot tell; for the
+secret of those notches was never revealed to me, and the brain which
+held it lies under eight feet of clay in Deadborough churchyard. Perhaps
+Snarley is now discussing the matter with "the tall Shepherd"[1] in some
+nook of Elysium where the winds are less keen than they used to be on
+Quarry Hill.
+
+[Footnote 1: See _post_, "The Death of Snarley Bob."]
+
+Had Snarley received a due share of the unearned increment which his own
+and his rams' achievements brought into other hands he would probably
+have died a millionaire. But for all his toil and skill he received no
+more than a shepherd's wage. There were not wanting persons, of course,
+who regarded his condition as a crucial instance of the exceeding
+rottenness of our present industrial system. There was a great lady from
+London, named Lady Lottie Passingham, who resolved to take up the case.
+Lady Lottie belonged to the class who look upon the universe as a leaky
+old kettle and themselves as tinkers appointed by Providence to mend the
+holes. That Snarley's position represented a hole of the first magnitude
+was plain enough to Lady Lottie the moment she became acquainted with
+the facts. Her first step was to interest her brother, the Earl of
+Clodd, a noted breeder of pedigree stock, on the old man's behalf; her
+second, to rouse the slumbering soul of the victim to a sense of the
+injustice of his lot. I believe she succeeded better with her brother
+than with Snarley; for with him she utterly failed. Her discourse on the
+possibilities of bettering his position might as well have been spoken
+into the ears of the senior ram; and if the ram had responded, as he
+probably would, by pinning Lady Lottie against the wall of the barn, her
+overthrow would have been no more complete nor unmerited than that she
+actually received from Snarley Bob.
+
+For it so happened that Providence, in equipping the lady for her
+world-mending mission, had forgotten to give her a pleasant voice. Now
+if there was one thing in the world which made Snarley "madder" than
+anything else could do, it was the high-pitched, strident tones of a
+woman engaged in argument. The consequence was that his self-restraint
+broke down, and before the lady had said half the things she had meant
+to say, or come within sight of the splendid offer she was going to make
+on behalf of the Earl of Clodd, Snarley had spoken words and performed
+actions which caused his benefactress to retreat from the farmyard with
+her nose in the air, declaring she "would have nothing more to do with
+the horrid brute." She was not the first of Snarley's would-be
+benefactors who had formed the same resolve.
+
+Now this extraordinary conduct on Snarley's part was by no means due to
+any transcendental contempt for money. I have myself offered him many a
+half-crown, which has never been refused; and Mrs. Abel, unless I am
+much mistaken, has given him many a pound. Still less did it originate
+from rustic contentment with a humble lot; nor from a desire to act up
+to his catechism, by being satisfied with that station in life which
+Providence had assigned him. For there was no more restless soul within
+the four seas of Britain, and none less willing to govern his conduct by
+moral saws. And stupidity, which would probably have explained the facts
+in the case of any other dweller in those parts, was not to be thought
+of in Snarley's case. "I knew what the old gal was drivin' at before
+she'd finished the text," said Snarley to me.
+
+The truth is that he was afflicted with an immense and incurable
+arrogance which caused him to resent the implication, by whomsoever
+offered, that he was worse off than other people. It was Snarley's
+distinction that he was able to maintain, and carry off, as much pride
+on eighteen shillings a week as would require in most people at least
+fifty thousand a year for effective sustenance. Of course, it was not
+the eighteen shillings a week that made him proud; it was the
+consciousness that he had inner resources which his would-be benefactors
+knew not of. He regarded them all as his inferiors, and, had he known
+how to do it, he would have treated them _de haut en bas_. Ill-bred
+insolence was therefore his only weapon; but his use of this was as
+effective as if it had been the well-bred variety in the hands of the
+grandest of grand seigneurs. No wonder, then, that he failed to achieve
+the position to which, in the view of Lady Lottie Passingham, his
+talents entitled him.
+
+But the inner resources of which I have spoken were Snarley's sufficient
+compensation for his want of worldly success. The composition of this
+hidden bread, it is true, was somewhat singular and not easy to imitate.
+If the reader, when he has learned its ingredients, choose to call it
+"religion," there is certainly nothing to prevent him. But that was not
+the word that Snarley used, nor the one he would have approved of. In
+his own limited nomenclature the elements of his spiritual kingdom were
+two in number--"the stars" and "the spirits."
+
+Snarley's knowledge of the heavens was extensive, if not profound. On
+any fair view of profundity, I am inclined to think that it was
+profound, though of the technique of astronomy he knew but little. He
+had all the constellations at his fingers' ends, and had given to many
+of them names of his own; he knew their seasons, their days, even their
+hours; he knew the comings and goings of every visible planet; by day
+and night the heavens were his clock. It was characteristic of him that
+he seldom spoke of the weather when "passing the time of day"--a thing
+which he never did except to his chosen friends. He spoke almost
+invariably of the planets or the stars. "Good morning, the sun's very
+low at this time o' year--did you see the lunar halo last night?--a fine
+lot o' shootin' stars towards four o'clock, look for 'em again to-morrow
+in the nor'-west--you can get your breakfast by moonlight this week--Old
+Tabby [Orion] looks well to-night--you'd better have a look at Sirius
+afore the moon arises, I never see him so clear as he is now"--these
+were the greetings which Snarley offered "to them as could understand"
+from behind the hedge or within the penfold.
+
+But it was not from superficialities of this kind that the depth of his
+stellar interests was to be measured. I once told him that a great man
+of old had declared that the stars were gods. "So they are, but I wonder
+how he found that out," said Snarley; "because you can't find it out by
+lookin' at 'em. You may look at 'em till you're blind, and you'll never
+see anything but little lights." "It was just his fancy," I said, like a
+simpleton. "Fancy be ----!" said Snarley. "It's a plain truth--that is,
+it's plain enough for them as knows the way."
+
+"What's that?" I said.
+
+"It's a way as nobody can take unless they're born to it. And, what's
+more, it's a way as nobody can _understand_ unless they're born to it.
+Didn't I tell you the other day that there's only one sort of folks as
+can tell what the stars are--and that's the folks as can get out o'
+their own skins? And they're not many as can do that. But that man you
+were just talkin' of, as said the stars were gods, _he_ must ha' done
+it. It's my opinion that in the old days there was more folks as could
+get out o' their skins than there are now. I sometimes wish _I'd_ been
+born in the old days. I should ha' had somebody to talk to then. I've
+got hardly anybody now. And you get tired sometimes o' keepin' yerself
+to yerself. If I were a learned man I'd be readin' them old books day
+and night."
+
+"What about the Bible?" I asked.
+
+"Well, that's a good old book," said Snarley; "but there's some things
+in it that's no good to anybody--_except to talkin' men_."
+
+"Who are they?" I said.
+
+"Why, folks as doesn't understand things, but only likes to talk about
+'em: parsons--at least, more nor half on 'em--ay, and these 'ere
+politicians too, for the matter o' that. There's some folks as dresses
+up in fine clothes, and there's some as dresses up in fine words: one
+sort wants to be looked at, and the other wants to be listened to.
+Doesn't it stand to sense that it's just the same? Bless your 'eart,
+it's all _show_! Why, there's lots o' men as goes huntin' about till
+they finds a bit o' summat as they think 'ud look well if they dressed
+it up in talk. 'Ah,' they say to themselves, 'that'll just do for me;
+that's what I'm goin' to _believe_; when it's got its Sunday clothes on
+it'll look like a regular lord.' Well, there's plenty o' that sort
+about; and you can allus tell 'em by the 'oller sound as they makes. And
+them's the folks as spoils the old Bible.
+
+"Not but what there's things in the Bible as is 'oller to begin wi'. But
+there's plenty that isn't, if these talkin' chaps 'ud only leave it
+alone. Now, here's a bit as I calls tip-top: 'When I consider thy
+heavens, the work of thy fingers'" (here Snarley quoted several verses
+of the Eighth Psalm).
+
+"Now, when you gets hold on a bit like that, you don't want to go
+dressin' on it up. You just puts it in your pipe and smokes it, and then
+it does you good! _That's_ it!
+
+"There's was once a Salvation Army man as come and asked me if I
+accepted the Gospel. 'Yes, my lad,' I sez; 'I've accepted it--but only
+as a thing to _smoke_, not as a thing to go _bangin' about_. Put your
+drum in the cup-board, my lad,' I sez; 'and put the Gospel in your pipe,
+and you'll be a wiser man.'
+
+"As for all this 'ere argle-bargling about them big things, _there's
+nowt in it_, you take my word for that! The little things for
+argle-bargle, the big uns' for smokin', that's what _I_ sez! Put the big
+'uns in your pipe, sir; put 'em in your pipe, and smoke 'em!"
+
+These last words were spoken in tones of great solemnity and repeated
+several times.
+
+"That's good advice, Snarley," I said; "but the writer you just quoted
+hadn't got a pipe to put 'em in."
+
+"Didn't need one," said Snarley; "there weren't so many talkin' men
+about in his time. Folks then were born right end up to begin wi', and
+didn't need to smoke 'emselves round.
+
+"Ay, ay, sir, I often think about them old days--and it's the Bible as
+set me thinkin' on 'em. That's the only old book as I ever read. And
+there's some staggerers in it, I can tell you! Wonderful! If some o'
+them old Bible men could come back and hear the parsons talkin' about
+'em--eh, my word, there would be a rumpus! I'd like to see it, that I
+would! I'll tell you one thing, sir--and don't you forget it--you'll
+never understand the old Bible, leastways not the best bits in it, so
+long as you only wants to talk about 'em, same as a man _allus_ wants to
+do when he's stuck inside his own skin. Now, there's that bit about the
+heavens, as I just give you--that's a bit o' real all-right, isn't it?"
+
+"Yes," I said, "it is."
+
+"Well, can't you see as the man as said them words had just let himself
+out to the other end o' the line and was lookin' back? He'd got himself
+right into the middle o' the bigness o' things, and that's what you
+can't do as long as you keeps inside your own skin. But I tell you that
+when you gets outside for the first time it gives you a pretty shakin'
+up. You begins to think what a fool you've been all your life long."
+
+Beyond such statements as these, repeated many times and in many forms,
+I could get no light on Snarley's dealings with the heavens.
+
+To interpret his dealings with "the spirits" is a still harder task. It
+was one of his common sayings that this matter also could not be
+discussed in terms intelligible to the once-born. That he did not mean
+by "spirits" what the vulgar might suppose, is certain. It is true that
+at one time he used to attend spiritualistic séances held in a large
+neighbouring village, and he was commonly regarded as a "medium." This
+latter term was adopted by Snarley in many conversations I had with him
+as a true description of himself. But here again it was obvious that he
+used the term only for want of a better. He never employed it without
+some sort of caveat, uttered or implied, to the effect that the word
+must be taken with qualifications--unstated qualifications, but still
+suggestive of important distinctions.
+
+It is noteworthy in this connection that a bitter quarrel existed
+between Snarley and the spiritualists with whom he had once been
+associated. They had cast him forth from among them as a smoking brand;
+and Snarley on his part never lost a chance of denouncing them as liars
+and rogues. One of the most violent scenes ever witnessed in the
+tap-room of the Nag's Head had been perpetrated by Snarley on a certain
+occasion when Shoemaker Hankin was defending the thesis that all forms
+of religion might now be considered as done for, "except spiritualism."
+Even Hankin, who reverenced no thing in heaven or earth, had protested
+against the unprintable words which with Snarley greeted his logic;
+while the landlord (Tom Barter of happy memory), himself the lowest
+black-guard in the village, had suggested that he should "draw it mild."
+
+This reminds me that Snarley regarded strong drink as a means, and a
+legitimate means, for obtaining access to hidden things; nor did he
+scruple at times to use it for that end. "There's nowt like a drop o'
+drink _for openin' the door_," he remarked. "But only for them as is
+born to it. If you're not born to it, drink shuts the door on you
+tighter nor ever. There's not one man in ten that drink doesn't make a
+bigger fool of than he is already. Look at Shoemaker Hankin. Half a pint
+of cider'll set him hee-hawin' like the Rectory donkey. But there's some
+men as can't get a lift no other way. It's like that wi' me sometimes.
+There's weeks and weeks together when I'm fair stuck inside my own skin
+and can't get out on it nohow. That's when I know a drop'll do me good.
+I can a'most hear something go click in my head, and then I gets among
+'em" (the spirits) "in no time. A pint's mostly enough to do it; but
+sometimes it takes a quart; and once or twice I've had to go on till
+somebody's had to help me home. But when once I begins I never stops
+till I see the door openin'--and then not a drop more!"
+
+
+
+
+"SNARLEYCHOLOGY"
+
+II. EXPERIMENTAL
+
+
+One day I was discussing with Mrs. Abel the oft-recurrent problem of
+Snarley's peculiar mental constitution, a subject to which she had given
+the name "Snarleychology."[2] Her knowledge of the old man's ways was of
+longer date than mine, and she understood him infinitely better than I.
+"Suppose, now," I said "that Snarley had been able to express himself
+after the manner of superlative people like you and me, what would have
+come of it?" "Art," said Mrs. Abel, "and most probably poetry. He's just
+a mass of intuitions!" "What a pity they are inarticulate!" I answered,
+repeating the appropriate commonplace. "But they are not inarticulate,"
+said Mrs. Abel. "Snarley has found a medium of expression which gives
+him perfect satisfaction." "Then the poems ought to be in existence,"
+said I. "So they are," was the answer; "they exist in the shape of
+Farmer Perryman's big rams. The rams are the direct creations of genius
+working upon appropriate material. None but a dreamer of dreams could
+have brought them into being; every one of them is an embodied ideal.
+Don't make the blunder of thinking that Snarley's sheep-raising has
+nothing to do with his star-gazings and spirit-rappings. It's all one.
+Shakespeare writes _Hamlet_, and Snarley produces 'Thunderbolt.'[3] To
+call Snarley inarticulate because he hasn't written a _Hamlet_ is as
+absurd as it would be to call Shakespeare inarticulate because he didn't
+produce a 'Thunderbolt.' Both _Hamlet_ and 'Thunderbolt' were born in
+the highest heaven of invention. Both are the fruit of intuitions
+concentrated on their object with incredible pertinacity."
+
+[Footnote 2: I suggested to Mrs. Abel that this word wouldn't do, and
+proposed "Snarleyology" instead. She declined the improvement at once,
+remarking that 'the soul of the word was in the _ch_.']
+
+[Footnote 3: The name of the greatest of the Perryman rams--a brute
+"with more decorations than a Field-marshal."]
+
+I was forced into silence for a time, bewildered by a statement which
+seemed to alternate between levelling the big things down to the little
+ones, and raising the little ones to the level of the big. When I had
+chewed this hard saying as well as I could, I bolted it for further
+digestion, and continued the conversation. "Has Snarley," I asked, "ever
+been tried with poetry, in the ordinary sense of the term?"
+
+"Yes," said the lady, "an experiment was once made on him by Miss ----"
+(naming a literary counterpart to Lady Lottie Passingham), "who visited
+him in his cottage and insisted on reading him some poem of Whittier's.
+In ten minutes she was fleeing from the cottage in terror of her life,
+and no one has since repeated the experiment."
+
+"I think," I said, "that if you would consent to be the experimenter we
+might obtain better results."
+
+Now in one important respect Nature had dealt more bountifully with Mrs.
+Abel than with Lady Lottie Passingham. Though Mrs. Abel had no desire to
+reform the universe, and was conscious of no mission to that end, she
+possessed a voice which might have produced a revolution. It was a soft
+contralto, vibrant and rich, and tremulous with tones which the gods
+would have come from Olympus to hear. She never sang, but her speech was
+music, rich and rare. In early life, as I have said, she had been on the
+stage, and Art had completed the gifts of Nature. Here lay one of the
+secrets of her power over the soul of Snarley Bob. Her voice was
+hypnotic with all men, and Snarley yielded to it as to a spell.
+
+Another point which has its bearing on this, and also on what has to
+follow, is that Snarley had a passionate love for the song of the
+nightingale. The birds haunted the district in great numbers, and the
+time of their singing was the time when Snarley "let out his line" to
+its furthest limits. His love of the nightingale was coupled, strangely
+enough, with a hatred equally intense for the cuckoo. To the song of the
+cuckoo in early spring he was fairly tolerant; but in June, when, as
+everybody knows, "she changeth her tune," Snarley's rage broke forth
+into bitter persecution. He had invented a method of his own, which I
+shall not divulge, for snaring these birds; and whenever he caught them
+he promptly wrung their necks. For the same reason he would have been
+not unwilling to wring the necks of Lady Lottie Passingham and of the
+Literary Counterpart had they continued to pester him.
+
+Here then were the conditions from which we drew the materials for our
+conspiracy. Mrs. Abel, though at first reluctant, consented at last to
+play the active part in a new piece of experimental Snarleychology. It
+was determined that we would try our subject with poetry, and also that
+we would try him with "something big." For a long time we discussed what
+this something "big" was to be. Choice nearly fell on "A Grammarian's
+Funeral," but I am glad this was not adopted; for, though it represented
+very well our own views of Snarley Bob, I doubt if it would have
+appealed directly to the subject himself. At length one of us suggested
+Keats' "Ode to a Nightingale," to which the other immediately replied,
+"Why didn't we think of that before?" It was the very thing.
+
+But how were we to proceed? We knew very well that a deliberately
+planned attempt to "read something" to Snarley was sure to fail. He
+would suspect that we were "interested in him" in the way he always
+resented, or that we wanted to improve his mind, which was also a thing
+he could not bear. Still, we might practice a little artful deception.
+We might meet him together by accident in the quarry, as we had done
+before; and Mrs. Abel, after due preliminaries and a little leading-on
+about nightingales, might produce the volume from her pocket and read
+the poem. So it was arranged. But I think we parted that night with a
+feeling that we were going to do something ridiculous, and Mr. Abel told
+me quite frankly that we were a pair of precious fools.
+
+One lovely morning about the middle of April the desired meeting in the
+quarry was duly brought off. The lambing season was almost over, and
+Snarley was occupied in looking after a few belated ewes. We arrived, of
+course, separately; but there must have been something in our manner
+which put Snarley on his guard. He looked at us in turn with glances
+which plainly told that he suspected a planned attack on the isolation
+of his soul. Presently he lapsed into his most disagreeable manner, and
+his horse-like face began to wear a singularly brutal expression. It was
+one of his bad days; for some time he had evidently been "stuck in his
+skin," and probably intended to end his incarceration that very night by
+getting drunk. He was, in fact, determined to drive us away, and, though
+the presence of Mrs. Abel disarmed him of his worst insolence, he
+managed to become sufficiently unpleasant to make us both devoutly wish
+we were at the bottom of the hill. I shudder to think what would have
+happened in these circumstances to Lady Lottie Passingham or to the
+Literary Counterpart.
+
+The thing, however, had cost too much trouble to be lightly abandoned,
+and we did not relish the prospect of being greeted by peals of laughter
+if we returned defeated to the Rectory. In desperation, therefore, Mrs.
+Abel began to force the issue. "I'm told the nightingale was heard in
+the Rectory grounds last night, Snarley." "Nightingales be blowed,"
+replied the Subject. "I've no time to listen if there was a hundred
+singin'. I've been up with these blessed ewes three nights without a
+wink o' sleep, and we've lost two lambs as were got by 'Thunderbolt.'"
+"Well, some time, when you are not quite so busy, I want you to hear
+what a great man has written about the nightingale," said Mrs. Abel. She
+spoke in a rather forced voice, which suggested the persuasive tones of
+the village curate when addressing a church-full of naughty children at
+the afternoon service.
+
+"_I_ don't want to hear it," said Snarley, whose suspicions were now
+raised to certitude, "and, what's more, I _won't_ hear it. What's the
+good? If anybody's been talkin' about nightingales, it's sure to be
+rubbish. Nightingales is things you can't talk about, but only listen
+to. No, thank you, my lady. When I wants nightingales, I'll go and hear
+'em. I don't want to know what nobody had said about 'em. Besides, I've
+too much to think about with these 'ere ewes. There's one lyin' dead
+behind them stones as I've got to bury. She died last night;" and he
+began to ply us with disgusting details about the premature confinement
+of a sheep.
+
+It was all over. Mrs. Abel remounted her horse, and presently rode down
+the hill. When she had gone fifty yards or so, she took a little
+calf-bound volume of Keats from her pocket and held it aloft. The signal
+was not difficult to read. "Yes," it said, "we _are_ a pair of precious
+fools."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Five months elapsed, during which I neither saw nor much desired to see
+Mrs. Abel. The harvest was now gathered, and the event was to be
+celebrated by a "harvest home" in the Perrymans' big barn. They were
+kind enough to send me the usual invitation, which I accepted "with
+pleasure"--a phrase in which, for once in my frequent use of it, I spoke
+the truth. The prospect of going down to Deadborough served, of course,
+to revive the painful memory of our humiliating defeat. Looked at in the
+perspective of time, our enterprise stood out in all its essential
+folly. But I have frequently found that the contemplation of a past
+mistake has a strange tendency to cause its repetition; and it was so in
+this case. For it suddenly occurred to me that this "harvest home" might
+give us an opportunity for a flank attack on the soul of Snarley Bob,
+whereby we might retrieve the disaster of our frontal operations on
+Quarry Hill. I lost no time in divulging my plan in the proper quarters.
+Mrs. Abel replied exactly as Lambert did when Cromwell, "walking in the
+garden of Brocksmouth House," told him of that sudden bright idea for
+rolling up the Scottish army at Dunbar--"She had meant to say the same
+thing." The plan was simple enough; but had its execution rested with
+any other person than Mrs. Abel--with the Literary Counterpart, for
+example--it would have miscarried as completely as its fore-runner.
+
+The company assembled in the Perrymans' barn consisted of the labouring
+population of three large farms, men and women, all dressed in their
+Sunday best. To these were added, as privileged outsiders, his Reverence
+and Mrs. Abel, the popular stationmaster of Deadborough, Tom Barter--who
+supplied the victuals--and myself. Good meat, of course, was in
+abundance, and good drink also--the understanding with regard to the
+latter being that, though you might go the length of getting "pretty
+lively," you must stop short of getting drunk.
+
+The proceedings commenced in comparative silence, the rustics
+communicating with one another only by such whispers as might be
+perpetrated in church. But this did not last very long. From the moment
+the first turn was given to the tap in the cider-barrel, the attentive
+observer might have detected a rapid crescendo of human voices, which
+rose into a roar long before the end of the feast. When all had eaten
+their fill, songs were called for, and "Master" Perryman, of course, led
+off with "The Farmer's Boy."
+
+Others followed. I was struck by the fact that nearly all the songs were
+of an extremely melancholy nature--the chief objects celebrated by the
+Muse being withered flowers, little coffins, the corpses of sweethearts,
+last farewells, and hopeless partings on the lonely shore. Tears flow;
+ladies sigh; voices choke; hearts break; children die; lovers prove
+untrue. It was tragic, and I confess I could have wept myself--not at
+the songs, for they were stupid enough,--but to think of the grey
+lugubrious life whose keynote was all too truly struck by this morbid,
+melancholy stuff.
+
+Tom Barter, who had been in the army, and was just convalescent from a
+bad turn of _delirium tremens_, sang a song about a dying soldier,
+visited on his gory bed by a succession of white-robed spirits,
+including his little sister, his aged mother, and a young female with a
+babe, whom the dying hero appeared to have treated none too well.
+
+The song was vigorously encored, and Tom at once responded with a
+second--and I have no doubt, genuine--barrack-room ballad. The hero of
+this ditty is a "Lancer bold." He is duly wetted with tears before his
+departure for the wars; but is cheered up at the last moment by the
+lady's assurance that she will meet him on his return in "a carriage
+gay." Arrived at the front, he performs the usual prodigies: slashes his
+way through the smoke, spikes the enemy's guns, and spears
+"Afghanistan's chieftains" right and left. He then returns to England,
+dreaming of wedding bells, and we next see him on the deck of a
+troop-ship, scanning the expectant throng on the shore and asking
+himself, "Where, oh where, is that carriage gay?" Of course, it isn't
+there, and the disconsolate Lancer at once repairs to the "smiling"
+village whence the lady had intended to issue in the carriage. Here he
+is met by "a jet-black hearse with nodding plumes," seeks information
+from the weeping bystanders, and has his worst suspicions confirmed. He
+compares the gloomy vehicle before him with the "carriage gay" of his
+dreams, and, having sufficiently elaborated the contrast, resolves to
+end his blighted existence on the lady's grave. How he spends the next
+interval is not told; but towards midnight we find him in the churchyard
+with his "trusty" weapon in his hand. This, in keeping with the unities,
+should have been a lance; but apparently the Lancer was armed on some
+mixed principle known to the War Office, and allowed to take his pick of
+weapons before going on leave; for presently a shot rings out, and one
+of England's stoutest champions is no more.
+
+During the singing of this song I noticed a poorly clad girl, with a
+sweet, intelligent face, put a handkerchief to her mouth and stifle a
+sob. She quietly made her way towards the barn door, and presently
+slipped out into the night.
+
+The thing had not escaped the notice of Snarley Bob, and I could see
+wrath in his eyes. Being near him, I asked what it meant. "By God!" he
+said, "it's a good job for Tom Barter as the rheumatiz has crippled my
+old hands. If I could only double my fist, I'd put a mark on his silly
+jaw as 'ud stop him singing that song for many a day to come. Not that
+there's any sense in it. But it's just because there's no sense in 'em
+that such songs oughtn't to be sung. See that young woman go out just
+now? Well, she's in a decline, and knows as she can't last very long.
+And she's got a young man in India--in the same battery as our Bill--as
+nice and straight a lad as ever you see."
+
+Another song was called "Fallen Leaves," the singer being a son of Peter
+Shott, the local preacher--a young man of dissipated appearance, with a
+white face and an excellent tenor voice. This song, of course, was a
+disquisition on the evanescence of all things here below. Each verse
+began "I saw," and ended with the refrain:
+
+    "Fallen leaves, fallen leaves!
+    With woe untold my bosom heaves,
+    Fallen leaves, fallen leaves!"
+
+"I saw," said the song, a mixed assortment of decaying glories--among
+them, a pair of lovers on a seat, a Christmas family party, a rosebush,
+a railway accident on Bank Holiday, a rake's deathbed, a battlefield, an
+oak tree in its pride, and the same oak in process of being converted by
+an undertaker into a coffin for the poet's only friend. All these and
+many more the poet "saw" and buried in his fallen leaves, assuring the
+world that his bosom heaved with woe untold for every one of them.
+
+Tom Barter, who was the leading emotionalist in the parish, was visibly
+affected, his bosom heaving in a manner which the poet himself could not
+have excelled; while his poor anæmic wife, who had hesitated about
+coming to the feast because her eye was still discoloured from the blow
+Tom had given her last week, feebly expressed the hope "that it would do
+him good."
+
+So it went on. Whatever jocund rebecks may have sounded in the England
+of long ago, their strains found no echo in the funeral ditties of the
+Perrymans' feast.
+
+Snarley Bob, in whom the drink had kindled some hankering for eternal
+splendours, was well content with the singing of "The Farmer's Boy," and
+joined in the chorus with the remnants of a once mighty voice. After
+that he became restless and increasingly snappish; his face darkened at
+"Fallen Leaves," and he began to look positively dangerous when a young
+man who was a railway porter in town, now home for a holiday, made a
+ghastly attempt at merriment by singing a low-class music-hall catch.
+What he would have done or said I do not know, for at that moment the
+announcement was made which the reader has been expecting--that Mrs.
+Abel would give a recitation.
+
+"Now," said Snarley to his neighbour, "we shall have summat like." His
+whole being sprang to attention. He rapidly knocked out the ashes of his
+pipe, refilled, and lit; and, folding his arms before him on the table,
+leant forward to listen. For my part, I took a convenient station where
+I could watch Snarley, as Hamlet watched the king in the play. He was
+far too intent on Mrs. Abel to notice me.
+
+The barn was dimly lighted, and the speaker, standing far back from the
+end of the table, was in deep shadow and almost invisible. Has the
+reader ever heard a voice which trembles with emotions gathered up from
+countless generations of human experience--a voice in which the memories
+of ages, the designs of Nature, the woes and triumphs of evolving worlds
+become articulate; a voice that speaks a language not of words, but of
+things, transmuting the eternal laws to tones, and pouring into the soul
+by their means a stream of solicitations to the secret springs of the
+buried life? Such voices there are: Wordsworth heard one of them in the
+song of "The Solitary Reaper." In such a voice, rolling forth from the
+shadows, and in exquisite articulation, there came to us these words:
+
+    "My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness steals my sense,
+      As though of hemlock I had drunk,
+    Or emptied some dull opiate to the drains,
+      One minute past, and Lethewards had sunk."
+
+The noisy crew were hushed: silence fell like a palpable thing. Snarley
+Bob shifted his position: he raised his arms from the table, grasped his
+chin with his right hand; with his left he took the pipe from his mouth,
+and pointed its stem at the speaker; his features relaxed, and then
+fixed into the immobility of the worshipping saint.
+
+Observation was difficult; for I, too, was half hypnotised by the voice
+from the shadows; but what I remember I will tell.
+
+The voice has now finished the second verse, and is entering the third,
+the note slightly raised, and with a tone like that of a wailing wind:
+
+    "That I might drink and leave the world unseen,
+      And, with thee, fade away into the forest dim.
+
+    Fade far away, dissolve, and quite forget
+      What thou among the leaves hast never known."
+
+Snarley Bob rises erect in his place, still holding his chin with his
+right hand, and with the left pointing his pipe, as before, at the
+speaker. The rigid arm is trembling violently, and Snarley, with
+half-open mouth, is drawing his breath in gulps. Someone, his wife I
+think, tries to make him sit down. He detaches his right hand, and
+violently thrusts her away.
+
+For some minutes he remains in this attitude. The verse:
+
+    "Thou wast not born for death, immortal bird,"
+
+is now reached, and I can see that violent tremors are passing through
+Snarley's frame. His head has sunk towards his breast, and is shaking;
+his right arm has fallen to his side, the fingers hooked as though he
+would clench his fist. Thus he stands, his head jerking now and then
+into an upright position, and shaking more and more. He has ceased to
+point at the speaker; the pipe is on the table. Thus to the end.
+
+Somebody claps; another feebly knocks his glass on the board; there is a
+general whisper of "Hush!" Snarley Bob has sunk on to the bench; he
+folds his arms on the table, rests his head upon them as a tired man
+would do; a tremor shakes him once or twice; then he closes his eyes,
+and is still. He has apparently fallen asleep.
+
+No one, save myself, has paid much attention to Snarley, who is at the
+end of the room furthest from Mrs. Abel. But now his attitude is
+noticed, and somebody says, "Hullo, Snarley's had a drop too much this
+time. Give him a shake-up, missis."
+
+The "shake-up," however, is not needed. For Snarley, after a few minutes
+of apparent sleep, raises his head, looks round him, and again stands
+upright. A flood of incoherencies, spoken in a high-pitched, whining
+voice, pours from his lips. Now and then comes a clear sentence, mingled
+with fragments of the poem--these in a startling reproduction of Mrs.
+Abel's tones--thus: "The gentleman's callin' for drink. Why don't they
+bring him drink? Here, young woman, bring him a pint o' ale, and put
+three-ha'porth of gin in it--the door's openin', and he's goin' through.
+He'll soon be there--
+
+    "'Fade far away, dissolve, and quite forget
+        What thou among the leaves hast never known.'
+
+All right--it's bloomin' well all right--don't give him any more.
+
+    "'Now more than ever seems it rich to die,
+        To cease upon the midnight with no pain.'
+
+--It's the Passing Bell.--What are they ringing it for?--He's not
+dead--he'll come back again when he's ready.--Stop 'em ringing that
+bell!
+
+    "'Forlorn! the very word is like a bell
+        To toll me back from thee to my sole self.'
+
+All right--he's comin' back.--Nightingales!--Who wants to hear about a
+lot o' bloomin' nightingales. _I_ don't. _I'm_ all right--get me a cup
+o' tea.--It's Tom Barter who's drunk, not me!
+
+    "'Where beauty cannot keep her lustrous eyes,
+        Or new love pine at them beyond to-morrow.'
+
+The mail goes o' Fridays--K Battery, Peshawur, Punjaub--O my God, let
+Bill tell him!--Shut up, you blasted old fool, or I'll knock yer silly
+head off! _You'll_ never get there!--What do _you_ know about
+nightingales? I heard 'em singin' for hundreds and thousands of years
+before _you_ were born:
+
+    "'Thou was not born for death, immortal bird,
+      No hungry generations tread thee down;
+    The voice I heard this passing night was heard
+      In ancient days, by Emperor and clown:
+    Perhaps the self-same voice that found a path
+      Through the sad heart of Ruth, when, sick for home,
+        She stood in tears amid the alien corn,
+          The same that ofttimes hath
+      Charmed magic casements, opening on the foam
+        Of perilous seas, in faery lands forlorn.'"
+
+The whole of this verse was a reproduction of Mrs. Abel's rendering,
+spoken in a voice not unlike hers, and with scarcely the falter of a
+syllable. It was followed by a few seconds of incoherent babble, at the
+end of which tremors again broke out over Snarley's body; he swayed to
+and fro, and his head fell forward on his chest. "Catch hold of him, or
+he'll fall," cried somebody. Then a medley of voices--"Give him a drop
+of brandy!" "No, don't you see he's dead drunk a'ready?" "Drunk! not
+'im. Do you think he could imitate Mrs. Abel like that if he was drunk?"
+"Take them gels out o' the barn as quick as you can!" "If she don't stop
+shriekin' when you get 'er home, throw a bucket o' cold water over her.
+It's only 'isterics." "Well, I've seed a lot o' queer things in my time,
+and I've knowed Snarley to do some rum tricks, but I never seed nowt
+like _that_." "Oh dear, sir, I never felt so upset in all my life. It
+isn't _right_! Somebody ought to ha' stopped 'im. I wonder Mr. Abel
+didn't interfere." "That there poem o' Mrs. Abel's was a'most too much
+for me. But to think o' _him_ gettin' up like that! It must be Satan
+that's got into him." "It's a awful thing to 'ave a man like that livin'
+in the next cottage to your own. I'll be frightened out o' my wits when
+my master's not at 'ome." "They ought to _do_ something to 'im--I've
+said so many a time."
+
+And then the voice of Snarley's wife as she chafed her husband's hands:
+"No, sir, don't you believe 'em when they say he's drunk. He's only had
+two glasses of cider and half a glass o' beer. You can see the other
+half in his glass now. I counted 'em myself. And it takes quarts to make
+'im tipsy. It's a sort of trance, sir, as he's had. I've knowed him like
+this two or three times before. He was _just_ like it after he'd been to
+hear Sir Robert Ball on the stars, sir--worse, if anythin'. He's gettin'
+better now; but I'm afraid he'll be terrible upset."
+
+Snarley had opened his eyes, and was looking vacantly and sleepily round
+him. "I'll go home," was all he said. He got up and walked rather
+shakily, but without assistance, out of the barn.
+
+A few minutes later Mrs. Abel came up to me. "We were fools five months
+ago," she said; "but what are we now?"
+
+"Criminals, most likely," I replied.
+
+"And if you do it again, you'll be murderers," said Mr. Abel, in a tone
+of severity.
+
+
+
+
+A MIRACLE
+
+I
+
+
+In early life Chandrapál had been engaged in the practice of the law,
+and had held a position of some honour under the Crown. But as the years
+wore on the ties which bound him to the world of sense were severed one
+by one, and he was now released. By the study of the Vedanta, by ascetic
+discipline, and by the daily practice of meditation undertaken at
+regular hours, he had attained the Great Peace; and those who knew the
+signs of such attainment reverenced him as a holy man. His influence was
+great, his fidelity was unquestioned, and his fame as a teacher and sage
+had been carried far beyond his native land.
+
+Chandrapál was versed in the lore of the West. He had studied the
+history, the politics, the literature and philosophy of the great
+nations, and could quote their poets and their sages with copiousness
+and aptitude. He had written a commentary on _Faust_. He also read, and
+sometimes expounded, the New Testament; and he held the Christian Gospel
+in high esteem.
+
+Among the philosophers of the West it was Spinoza to whom he gave the
+place of highest honour. Regarding the Great Peace as the ultimate
+object of human attainment, he held that Spinoza alone had found a clear
+path to the goal; since then European thought had been continually
+decadent.
+
+Though far advanced in life, Chandrapál had never seen Western
+civilisation face to face until the year when we are about to meet him.
+He travelled to America by way of Japan, and Vancouver was the first
+Western city in which he set his foot. There he looked around him with
+bewildered eyes, gaining no clear impression, save in the negative sense
+that the city contained nothing to remind him of Spinoza or of the
+Nazarene. It was not that he expected to find a visible embodiment of
+their teaching in everything he saw; Chandrapál was too wise for that.
+But he hoped that somewhere and in some form the Truth, which for him
+these teachers symbolised in common, would show itself as a living
+thing. It might be that he would see it on some human face; or he might
+feel it in the atmosphere; or he might hear it in the voice of a man.
+Chandrapál knew that he had much to see and to discover; but in all his
+travels it was for this that he kept incessant watch.
+
+From Vancouver he passed south to San Francisco; thence, city by city,
+he threaded his way across the United States and found himself in New
+York. All that he had seen so far gathered itself into one vast picture
+of a world fast bound in the chains of error and groaning for
+deliverance from its misery. In New York the misery seemed to deepen and
+the groanings to redouble. But of this he said nothing. He let the
+universities fête him; he let the millionaires entertain him in their
+great houses; he delivered lectures on the wisdom of the East, and,
+though a kindly criticism would now and then escape him, he gave no hint
+of his great pity for Western men. He was the most courteous, the most
+delightful of guests.
+
+Arrived in England, he received the same impression and practised the
+same reserve. Wherever he went a rumour spread before him, and men
+waited for his coming as though the ancient mysteries were about to be
+unsealed. The curious cross-examined him; the bewildered appealed to
+him; the poor heard him gladly, and famished souls, eager for a morsel
+of comfort from the groaning table of the East, hovered about his steps.
+He preached in churches where the wandering prophet is welcomed; he
+broke bread with the kings of knowledge and of song; he sat in the seats
+of the mighty and received honour as one to whom honour is due.
+
+To all this he responded with a gratitude which was sincere; but his
+deeper gratitude was for the Powers by whose ordering he had been born
+neither an Englishman nor a Christian, but a Hindu.
+
+Here, as in America, he looked about him observingly and pondered the
+meaning of what he saw. But he understood it not, and went hither and
+thither like a man in a dream. In his Indian home he had studied Western
+civilisation from the books which tell of its mighty works and its
+religion; and, so studied, it had seemed to him an intelligible thing.
+But, seen with the naked eye, it appeared incomprehensible, nay,
+incredible. Its bigness oppressed him, its variety confused him, its
+restlessness made him numb. Values seemed to be inverted, perspectives
+to be distorted, good and evil to be transposed: "in" meant "out," and
+Death did duty for Life. Chandrapál could not take the point of view,
+and finally concluded there was no point of view to take. He could not
+frame his visions into coherence, and therefore judged that he was
+looking at chaos. Sometimes he would doubt the reality of what he saw,
+and would recollect himself and seek for evidence that he was awake.
+"Can such things be?" he would say to himself; "for this people has
+turned all things upside down. Their happiness is misery, their wisdom
+is bewilderment, their truth is self-deception, their speech is a
+disguise, their science is the parent of error, their life is a process
+of suicide, their god is the worm that dieth not and the fire that is
+not quenched. What is believed is not professed, and what is professed
+is not believed. In yonder place"--he was looking at London--"there is
+darkness and misery enough for seven hells. Verily they have already
+come to judgment and been condemned."
+
+So thought Chandrapál. But his mistake, if it was one, offended nobody;
+for he held his peace about these things.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+There came a day when the folk of Deadborough were started from their
+wonted apathy by the apparition of a Strange Man. They saw him first as
+he drove from the station in a splendid carriage-and-pair, with a
+coronet on its panels. Seated in the carriage was a venerable being with
+a swarthy countenance and headgear of the whitest--such was the brief
+vision. Other carriages followed in due course, for there was an
+illustrious house-party at Deadborough Hall--the owner of which was not
+only a slayer of pheasants, but a reader of books and a student of
+things. He had gathered together the Bishop of the Diocese, a Cabinet
+Minister, two eminent philosophers, the American Ambassador, a leading
+historian, and a Writer on the Mystics. To these was added--for he
+deserves a sentence to himself--an Orientalist of world-wide reputation.
+All were gathered for the purpose of meeting Chandrapál.
+
+By the charm of his manners, by his urbanity, by his brilliant and
+thought-provoking conversation, the Oriental repaid his host a hundred
+times over. To most of his fellow-guests he played the part of teacher,
+while seeming to act that of disciple; but to none was his manner so
+deferential and his air of attention so profound as to the great
+Orientalist. And yet in the secret heart of Chandrapál this was the man
+for whom he felt the deepest compassion. He found, indeed, that the
+great man's reputation had not belied him; he was versed in the wisdom
+of the East and in the tongues which had spoken it; he knew the path to
+the Great Peace as well as the sage knew it himself; but when Chandrapál
+looked into his restless eyes and heard the hard tones of his voice, he
+perceived that no soul on earth was further from the Great Peace than
+this.
+
+With the two philosophers Chandrapál spent many hours in close debate.
+He spoke to them of the Bhagavad Gita and of Spinoza. He found that of
+the Bhagavad Gita they knew little--and they cared less. Of Spinoza they
+knew much and understood nothing--thus thought he. So he turned to other
+topics and conversed fluently on the matters dearest to their
+hearts--namely, their own works, with which he was well acquainted.
+They, on their part, had never met a listener more sympathetic, a critic
+more acute. Chandrapál left upon them the impression of his immense
+capacity for assimilating the products of Western thought; also the
+belief that they had thoroughly rifled his brains.
+
+Meanwhile he was thinking thus within himself: "These men are keepers of
+shops, like the rest of their nation. Their merchandise is the thoughts
+of God, which they defile with wordy traffic, understanding them not.
+They have no reverence for their masters; their souls are poisoned with
+self; therefore the Light is not in them, and they know not the good
+from the evil. The word of the Truth is on their lips, but it lives not
+in their hearts. Moreover, they are robbers; and even as their fathers
+stole my country so they would capture the secrets of my soul--that they
+may sell them for money and increase their traffic. But to none such
+shall the treasure be given. I will walk with them in the outer courts;
+but the innermost chamber they shall not so much as see."
+
+With the Cabinet Minister Chandrapál had this in common--that both were
+lawyers and servants of the Crown. Thus a basis of intercourse was
+established--were it only in the fact that each man understood the
+official reserve of the other. The first day of their acquaintance was
+passed by each in reconnoitring the other's position and deciding on a
+plan of campaign. The Minister concluded that there were three burning
+topics which it would be unwise to discuss with Chandrapál. Chandrapál
+perceived what these topics were, knew the Minister's reasons for
+avoiding them, and reflected with some satisfaction that they were
+matters on which he also had no desire to talk. His real object was to
+penetrate the Minister's mind in quite another direction, and he saw
+that this astute diplomatist had not the slightest suspicion of what he
+was after. This, of course, gave the tactical advantage to the Indian.
+
+Now Chandrapál was more subtle than all the guests in Deadborough Hall.
+With great adroitness he managed to introduce the very topics on which,
+as he well knew, the Minister had resolved not to express himself; but
+he took care on each occasion to provide the other with an opportunity
+for talking about something else. This something else had been carefully
+chosen by Chandrapál, and it was a line of escape which led by very
+gradual approaches to the thing he wanted to find out. The Minister had
+won a great reputation in beating the diplomatists of Europe at their
+own game; but he had never before directly encountered the subtlety of
+an Oriental mind. Stepping aside from the dangerous spots to which the
+other was continually leading him, he put his foot on each occasion into
+the real trap; and thus, by the end of the third day, he had revealed
+what the Indian valued more than all the secrets of the British Cabinet.
+Meanwhile the Minister had conceived an intense dislike to Chandrapál,
+which he disguised under a mask he had long used for such purposes; at
+the same time he flattered himself on the ease with which he outwitted
+this wily man.
+
+Chandrapál, on his side, reflected thus: "Behold the misery of them that
+know not the Truth. This man flatters the people; but in his heart he
+despises them. Those whom he leads he knows to be blind, and his trade
+is to persuade them that they can see. The Illusion has made them mad;
+none sees whither he is going; the next step may plunge them all into
+the pit; they live for they know not what. All this is known to yonder
+man; and, being unenlightened, he has no way of escape, but yields to
+his destiny, which is, that he shall be the bond-servant of lies." In
+short, the discovery which the Oriental believed himself to have made
+was this--that neither the Great Man before him, nor the millions whom
+he led, had the faintest conception of the Meaning of Life; and,
+further, that the Great Man was aware of his ignorance and troubled by
+it, whereas the millions knew it not and were at their ease.
+
+With the Writer on Mystics he was reserved to the point of coldness. In
+this man's presence Chandrapál felt that he was being regarded as an
+"interesting case" for analysis. So he wrapped himself in a mantle
+impervious to professional scrutiny, and gave answers which could not be
+worked up into a chapter for any book. The Writer was disappointed in
+Chandrapál, and Chandrapál had no satisfaction in the Writer. "This
+man," he thought, "has studied the Light until he has become blind. He
+would speak of the things which belong to Silence. He is the most deeply
+entangled of them all."
+
+Fortunately for Chandrapál, there were children in the house, and these
+alone succeeded in finding the path to his heart. There was one Little
+Fellow of five years who continually haunted the drawing-room when he
+was there, hiding behind screens or the backs of arm-chairs, and staring
+at the Strange Man with wide eyes and finger in mouth. One day, when he
+was reading, the Little Fellow crept up to his chair on hands and knees
+and began industriously rubbing the dark wrist of the Indian with his
+wetted finger. "It dothn't come off," said the Little Fellow. From that
+moment he and the Strange Man became the fastest of friends and were
+seldom far apart.
+
+Except for this companionship it may be said that never since leaving
+his native land was the spirit of Chandrapál more solitary nor more
+aloof from the things and the persons around him. Never did he despair
+so utterly of beholding that which he was most eager to find. Only when
+in the company of the Little Fellow, and in the hours reserved for
+meditation, was he able to shake off the sense of oppression and recover
+the balance of his soul. At these times he would quit the talkers and go
+forth alone into unfrequented places. Nowhere else, he thought, could a
+land be found more inviting than this to those moods of inward silence
+and content, whence the soul may pass, at a single step, into the
+ineffable beatitude of the Great Peace. Full, now, of the sense of
+harmony between himself and his visible environment, he would penetrate
+as far as he could into the forests and the hills. He would take his
+seat beside the brook; he would say to himself in his own tongue, "This
+water has been flowing all night long," and at the thought his mind
+would sink deep into itself; and presently the trees, the rocks, the
+fields, the skies, nay, his own body, would seem to melt into the
+movement of the flowing stream, and the Self of Chandrapál, freed from
+all entanglements and poised at the centre of Being, would gaze on the
+River of Eternal Flux.
+
+One day, while thus engaged, standing on a bridge which carried a
+by-road over the stream, a shock passed through him: the stillness was
+broken as by thunder, the vision fled, and the entanglements fell over
+him like a gladiator's net. A motor, coming round a dangerous bend, had
+just missed him; and he stood covered with dust. Chandrapál saw and
+understood, and then, closing his eyes and making a mighty effort, shook
+the entanglements from his soul, and sank back swiftly upon the Centre
+of Poise.
+
+The car stopped, and a white-haired woman alighted. A moment later there
+was a touch on the arm, and a human voice was calling to him from the
+world of shadows. "I beg a thousand pardons," said Mrs. Abel; "the
+driver was careless. Thank Heaven, you are unhurt; but the thing is an
+injury, and you are a stranger. My house is here; come with me, and you
+shall have water."
+
+What more was said I do not know. But when some hours later Chandrapál
+returned on foot to the Hall he walked lightly, for the load of pity had
+been lifted from his heart. To one who was with him he said: "The Wisdom
+of the Nazarene still lives in this land, but it is hidden and obscure,
+and those who would find it must search far and long, as I have
+searched. Why are the Enlightened so few; for the Truth is simple and
+near at hand? The light is here, 'but the darkness comprehendeth it
+not.' Is not that so? The men in yonder house, who will soon be talking,
+are the slaves of their own tongues; but this woman with the voice of
+music is the mistress of her speech. They are of the darkness: she of
+the light. But perhaps," he added, "she is not of your race."
+
+Thus the Thing for which Chandrapál had never ceased to watch since his
+foot touched Western soil was first revealed to him; thus also the
+secret of his own heart, which he had guarded so long from the intrusion
+of the "wise," was first suffered to escape. He had lit his beacon and
+seen the answering fire.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Several months elapsed, during which Chandrapál continued his travels,
+visiting the capitals of Europe, interviewing German Professors, and
+seeing more and more of the Great Illusion (for so he deemed it) which
+is called "Progress" in the West. He met reformers everywhere, and
+studied their schemes for amending the world; he heard debates in many
+parliaments, and did obeisance to several kings; he visited the
+institutions where day by day the wounded are brought from the battle,
+and where medicaments are poured into the running sores of Society; he
+went to churches, and heard every conceivable variety of Christian
+doctrine; he sat in the lecture-halls of socialists, secularists,
+anarchists, and irreconcilables of every sort; he made acquaintance with
+the inventors of new religions; he saw the Modern Drama in London,
+Paris, Berlin, and Vienna; he attended political meetings and listened
+to great orators; he was taken to reviews and beheld the marching of
+Armies and the manoeuvring of Fleets; he was shown an infinity of
+devices for making wheels go round, and was told of coming inventions
+that would turn them faster still. All these and many more such things
+passed in vision before him; but nothing stirred his admiration, nothing
+provoked his envy, nothing disturbed his fixed belief that Western
+civilization was an air-born bubble and a consummation not to be
+desired.
+
+"The disease of this people is incurable," he thought, "because they are
+ignorant of the Origin of Sorrow. Hence they heal their woe at one end
+and augment its sources at the other. But as for me, I will hold my
+peace; for there is none here, no, not even the wisest, who would hear
+or understand. Never will the Light break forth upon them till the East
+has again conquered the West."
+
+
+
+
+A MIRACLE
+
+II
+
+
+When all these things had been accomplished Chandrapál was again in
+Deadborough--a guest at the Rectory. It was Billy Rowe, an urchin of
+ten, who informed me of the arrival. Billy had just been let out of
+school, and was in the act of picking up a stone to throw at Lina Potts,
+whom he bitterly hated, when the Rectory carriage drove past the village
+green. At once every hand, including Billy's, went promptly to the
+corner of its owner's mouth, hoops were suspended in mid-career, and
+half-sucked lollipops, in process of transference from big sisters to
+little brothers were allowed an interval for getting dry. The carriage
+passed; stones, hoops, and lollipops resumed their circulation, and by
+five o'clock in the afternoon the news of Chandrapál's arrival was
+waiting for the returning labourer in every cottage in Deadborough.
+
+That night I repaired to the Nag's Head, for I knew that the arrival
+would have a favourable effect on the size of the "house." I am not
+addicted, let me say, to Tom Barter's vile liquors; but I have some
+fondness for the psychology of a village pub, and I was in hopes that
+the conversation in this instance would be instructive. An unusually
+large company was assembled, and to that extent I was not disappointed.
+But in respect of the conversation it must be confessed that I drew a
+blank. The tongues of the talkers seemed to be paralysed by the very
+event which I had hoped would set them all wagging. It was evident that
+every man present had come in the hopes that his neighbour would have
+something to say about Chandrapál, and thus provide an opening for his
+own eloquence. But nobody gave a lead, the whole company being
+apparently in presence of a speech-defying portent. At last I broke the
+ice by an allusion to the arrival. "Ah," said one. "Oh," said another.
+"Indeed," said a third. "You don't say so," said a fourth. At length one
+venturesome spirit remarked, "I hear as he's a great man in his own
+country." "I dare say he is," replied the village butcher, with the air
+of one to whom the question of human greatness was a matter of absolute
+indifference. That was the end. Shortly afterwards I left, and presently
+overtook Snarley Bob, who had preceded me. "Did you ever see such a lot
+o' tongue-tied lunatics?" said Snarley. "What made them silent?" I
+asked. "They'd got too much to say," answered Snarley, and then added,
+rather mischievously, "They were only waitin' to begin till _you'd_
+gone. If you was to go back now, you'd hear 'em barkin' like a pack o'
+hounds."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Among the many good offices for which Snarley had to thank Mrs. Abel,
+not the least was her systematic protection of him from the intrusions
+of the curious. Plenty of people had heard of him, and there were not
+wanting many who were anxious to put his soul under the scalpel, in the
+interests of Science. Mrs. Abel was the channel through which they
+usually attempted to act. But she knew very well that the thing was
+futile, not to say dangerous. For some of the instincts of the wild
+animal had survived in Snarley, of which perhaps the most marked was his
+refusal to submit to the scrutiny of human eyes. To study him was almost
+as difficult as to study the tiger in the jungle. At the faintest sound
+of inquisitive footsteps he would retreat, hiding himself in some place,
+or, more frequently, in some manner, whither it was almost impossible to
+follow; and if, as sometimes happened, his pursuers pressed hard and
+sought to drive him out of his fastness, he would break out upon them in
+a way for which they were not prepared, and give them a shock which
+effectually forbade all further attempts. Such a result was unprofitable
+to Science and injurious to Snarley. For these reasons Mrs. Abel had
+come to a definite conclusion that the cause of Science was not to be
+advanced by introducing its votaries to Snarley Bob; and when they came
+to the Rectory, as they sometimes did, she abstained from mentioning his
+name, failed to answer when questioned, and took care, so far as she
+could, that the old man should be left undisturbed.
+
+But the reasons which led to this decision had no force in the case of
+Chandrapál. She was certain that Chandrapál would not treat Snarley as a
+mere abnormal specimen of human nature, a _corpus vile_ for scientific
+investigation. She knew that the two men had something, nay, much, in
+common; and she believed that the ground of intercourse would be
+established the instant that Snarley heard the stranger's voice.
+
+Nevertheless, the matter was difficult. It was well-nigh impossible to
+determine the conditions under which Snarley would be at his best, and,
+whatever arrangements were made, his animal shyness might spoil them
+all. To take him by surprise was known to be dangerous; and we had
+already found to our cost that the attempt to deceive him by the
+pretence of an accidental meeting was pretty certain to end in disaster.
+How Mrs. Abel succeeded in bringing the thing off I don't know. There
+may have been bribery and corruption (for Snarley's character had not
+been formed from the fashion-books of any known order of mystics), and,
+though I saw nothing to suggest this method, I know nothing to exclude
+it--as a working hypothesis. But be that as it may, the arrangement was
+made that on a certain Wednesday evening Snarley was to come down to the
+Rectory and attend in the garden for the coming of Chandrapál. I had
+already learnt to regard Mrs. Abel as a worker of miracles to whom few
+things were impossible; but this conquest of Snarley's reluctance to be
+interviewed, and in a manner so exceptional, has always impressed me as
+one of her greatest achievements. If the reader had known the old
+shepherd only in his untransfigured state--when, in his own phrase, he
+was "stuck in his skin"--I venture to say he would as soon have thought
+of asking a grisly bear to afternoon tea in his drawing-room as of
+inviting Snarley Bob to meet an Indian sage in a rectory garden. But the
+arrangement was made--whether by the aid of Beelzebub or the attractions
+of British gold, no man will ever know.
+
+Nothing in connection with Snarley had ever interested me so much as the
+possible outcome of this strange interview; so that, when informed of
+what was going to happen, I sent a telegram to Mrs. Abel asking
+permission to be on the spot--not, of course, as a witness of the
+interview but as a guest in the house. The reply was favourable, and on
+Tuesday afternoon I was at Deadborough.
+
+I had some talk with Chandrapál, and I could see that he was not pleased
+at my coming. He asked me at once why I was there, and, on receiving a
+not very ingenuous answer, he became reserved and distant. Indeed, his
+whole manner reminded me forcibly of the bearing of Snarley Bob on the
+occasion of our ludicrous attempt on Quarry Hill to introduce him to the
+poetry of Keats. I had come prepared to ask him a question; but I had no
+sooner reached the point than the whole fashion of the man was suddenly
+changed. His face, which usually wore an expression of quiet dignity,
+seemed to degenerate into a mass of coarse but powerful features, so
+that, had I seen him thus at a first meeting, I should have thought at
+once, "This man is a sensualist and a ruffian!" His answers were
+distinctly rude; he said the question was foolish (probably it
+was)--that people had been pestering him with that kind of thing ever
+since he left India; in short, he gave me to understand that he regarded
+me as a nuisance. I had never before seen in him any approach to this
+manner; indeed, I had continually marvelled at his patience with fools,
+his urbanity with bores, and his willingness to give of his best to
+those who had nothing to give in return.
+
+As the evening wore on he seemed to realise what he had done, and was
+evidently troubled. For my part, I had decided to leave next morning,
+for I thought that my presence in the house was disturbing him, and
+would perhaps spoil the chances of tomorrow's interview. Of this I had
+breathed no hint to anyone, and I was therefore greatly surprised when
+he said to me after dinner, "I charge you to remain in this house. There
+is no reason for going away. I was not myself this afternoon; but it has
+passed and will not return. Come now, let us go out into the woods."
+
+Mrs. Abel came with us. Her object in coming was to guide our walk in
+some direction where we were not likely to encounter Snarley Bob, whose
+haunts she knew, and whom it was not desirable that we should meet
+before the appointed time; for the nightingales were now in full song,
+and Snarley was certain to be abroad. We therefore took a path which led
+in an opposite direction to that in which his cottage lay.
+
+Chandrapál had his own ways of feeling and responding to the influences
+of Nature--ways which are not ours. No words of admiration escaped him;
+but, on entering the woods where the birds were singing he said, "The
+sounds are harmonious with thought." There was no mistaking the hint.
+
+Guided by the singing of the birds, we turned into an unfrequented lane,
+bordered by elms. The evening was dull, damp, and windless, and the air
+lay stagnant between the high banks of the lane. We walked on in
+complete silence, Chandrapál a few yards in front; none of us felt any
+desire to speak. Three nightingales were singing at intervals: one at
+some distance in the woods ahead of us, two immediately to our right.
+Whether it was due to the dampness in the air or the song of the birds,
+I cannot tell; but I felt the "drowsy numbness," of which the poet
+speaks, stealing upon me irresistibly. We presently crossed a stile into
+the fields; and as I sat for a moment on the rail the drowsiness almost
+overcame me, and I wondered if I could escape from my companions and
+find some spot whereon to lie down and go to sleep. It required some
+effort to proceed, and I could see that Mrs. Abel was affected in a
+similar manner.
+
+By crossing the stile we had disturbed one of the birds, and we had to
+wait some minutes before its song again broke out much further to the
+right. For some reason of his own Chandrapál had found this bird the
+best songster of the three; and, wishing to get as near as possible, he
+again led the way and gave us a sign to follow. We cautiously skirted
+the hedge, making our way towards a point on the opposite side of the
+field where there was a gate, and beyond this, in the next field, a shed
+of some sort where we might stand concealed.
+
+We passed the gate, turned into the shed, and were immediately
+confronted by Snarley Bob.
+
+Both Mrs. Abel and I were alarmed. We knew that Snarley Bob when
+disturbed at such a moment was apt to be exceedingly dangerous, and we
+remembered that it was precisely such a disturbance as this which had
+brought him some years ago within measurable distance of committing
+murder. Nor was his demeanour reassuring. The instant he saw us, he rose
+from the shaft of the cart on which he had been seated, smoking his
+pipe, and took a dozen rapid steps out of the shed. Then he paused, just
+as a startled horse would do, turned half round, and eyed us sidelong
+with as fierce and ugly a look as any human face could wear. Then he
+began to stride rapidly to and fro in front of the shed, stamping his
+feet whenever he turned, and keeping his eyes fixed on the swarthy
+countenance of Chandrapál, with an expression of the utmost ferocity.
+
+Chandrapál retained his composure. Whatever sudden shock he may have
+felt had passed immediately, and he was now standing in an attitude of
+deep attention, following the movement of Snarley Bob and meeting his
+glance without once lowering his eyes. His calmness was infectious. I
+felt that he was master of the situation, and I knew that in a few
+moments Snarley's paroxysm would pass.
+
+It did pass; but in a manner we did not expect. Snarley, on his side,
+had begun to abate his rapid march; once or twice he hesitated, paused,
+turned around; and the worst was already over when Chandrapál, lifting
+his thin hands above his head, pronounced in slow succession four words
+of some strange tongue. What they meant I cannot tell; it is not likely
+they formed any coherent sentence: they were more like words of command
+addressed by an officer to troops on parade, or by a rider to his horse.
+Their effect on Snarley was instantaneous. Turning full round, he drew
+himself erect and faced us in an attitude of much dignity. Every trace
+of his brutal expression slowly vanished; his huge features contracted
+to the human size; the rents of passion softened into lines of thought;
+wisdom and benignity sat upon his brows; and he was calm and still as
+the Sphinx in the desert.
+
+Snarley stood with his hands linked behind his back, looking straight
+before him into the distance; and Chandrapál, without changing his
+attitude, was watching him as before. As the two men stood there in
+silence, my impression was, and still is, that they were in
+communication, through filaments that lie hidden, like electric cables,
+in the deeps of consciousness. Each man was organically one with the
+other; the division between them was no greater than between two cells
+in a single brain; the understanding was complete. Thus it remained for
+some seconds; then the silence was broken by speech, and it was as
+though a cloud had passed over the sun. For, with the first word spoken,
+misunderstanding began; and, for a time at all events, they drifted far
+apart, each out of sight and knowledge of the other's soul. Had Snarley
+begun by saying something inconsequent or irrelevant, had he proposed to
+build three tabernacles, or cried, "Depart from me, for I am a sinful
+man," or quoted the words of some inapplicable Scripture that was being
+fulfilled--there might have been no rupture. But, as it was, he spoke to
+the point, and instantly the tie was snapped.
+
+"Them words you spoke just now," he said, and paused. Then, completing
+the sentence--"them words was full o' _sense_."
+
+I could see that Chandrapál was troubled. The word "sense" woke up
+trains of consciousness quite alien to the intention of the speaker. To
+his non-English mind this usage of the word, if not unknown, was at
+least misleading.
+
+He replied, "Those words have nothing to do with 'sense.' Yet you seemed
+to understand them."
+
+"Not a bit," said Snarley. "But I _felt_ 'em. They burnt me like fire.
+Good words is allus like that. There's some words wi' meanin' in 'em,
+but no sense; and they're fool's words, most on 'em. You understand 'em,
+but you don't feel 'em. But when they comes wi' a bit of a smack, I
+knows they're all right. You can a'most taste 'em and smell 'em when
+they're the right sort--just like a drop o' drink. It's a pity you
+didn't hear Mrs. Abel when she give us that piece o' poetry. That's the
+sort o' words folks ought to use. You can feel 'em in your bones. Well,
+as I was a-sayin', your words was like that. They come at me smack,
+smack. And I sez to myself as soon as I hears 'em, 'That's a man worth
+talkin' to.'"
+
+Chandrapál had listened with the utmost gravity, seeming to catch
+Snarley's drift. The diction must have puzzled him, but I doubt if the
+subtlest skill in exposition would have availed Snarley half so well in
+restoring the mutual comprehension which had been temporarily broken.
+Chandrapál was evidently relieved. For half a minute there was silence,
+during which he walked to and fro, deep in thought. Then he said, "Great
+is the power of words when the speaker is wise. But the Truth cannot be
+_spoken_."
+
+"Not _all_ on it," said Snarley, "only bits here and there. That's what
+the bigness o' things teaches you. It's my opinion as there are two
+sorts o' words--shutters-in and openers-out. Them words o' yours was
+openers-out; but most as you hears are shutters-in. It's like puttin' a
+thing in a box. You shuts the lid, and then all you sees is the box. But
+when things gets beyond a certain bigness you can't shut 'em in--not
+unless you first chops 'em up, and that spoils 'em.
+
+"Now, there's Shoemaker Hankin--a man as could talk the hind-leg off a
+'oss. He goes at it like a hammer, and thinks as he's openin' things
+out; but all the time he's shuttin' on 'em in and nailin' on 'em up in
+their coffins. One day he begins talkin' about 'Life,' and sez as how he
+can explain it in half a shake. 'You'll have to kill it first, Tom,' I
+sez, 'or it'll kick the bottom out o' _your_ little box.' 'I'm going to
+_hannilize_ it,' he sez. 'That means you're goin' to chop it up,' I sez,
+'so that it's bound to be dead before we gets hold on it. All right,
+Tom, fire away! Tell us all about dead Life.'
+
+"Well, that's allus the way wi' these talkin' chaps. There was that
+Professor as comes tellin' me what space were--I told that gentleman"
+(pointing to me) "all about _him_. Why, you might as well try to cut
+runnin' water wi' a knife. Talkin' people like him are never satisfied
+till they've trampled everything into a _muck_--same as the sheep
+tramples the ground when you puts 'em in a pen. They seems to think as
+that's what things are _for_! They all wants to do the talkin'
+themselves. But doesn't it stand to sense that as long as you're talkin'
+about things you can't hear what things are sayin' to you?
+
+"When did I learn all that? Why, you don't _learn_ them things. You just
+finds 'em when you're alone among the hills and the bigness o' things
+comes over you. Do you know anything about the stars? Well, then, you'll
+understand.
+
+"All the same, I were once a talkin' man myself; ay, and it were then as
+I got the first lesson in leavin' things alone. It happened one day when
+I were a Methody--long before I knew anything about the stars. I'd been
+what they call 'converted'; and one day I were prayin' powerful at a
+meetin', and we was all excited, and shoutin' as we wouldn't go home
+till the answer had come. Well, it did come--at least it come to me. I
+were standin' up shoutin' wi' the rest, when all of a sudden I kind o'
+heard somebody whisperin' in my ear. 'The answer's comin',' I sez; 'I'm
+gettin' it,' So they all gets quiet, waitin' for me to give the answer.
+I suppose they expected me to say as a new heart had been given to
+somebody we'd been prayin' for. But instead o' that I shouts out at the
+top o' my voice--though I can't tell what made me do it--'Shut up, all
+on you! Shut up, Henry Blain! Shut up, John Scarsbrick! Shut up, Robert
+Dellanow--_I'm tired o' the lot on you!_' That's what made me give up
+bein' a Methody. I began to see from that day that when things begins to
+open out you've got to _shut up_."
+
+"The voices of the world are many; and the speech of man is only one,"
+said Chandrapál.
+
+"You're right," said Snarley, "but I'm not sure as you ought to call 'em
+voices. Most on 'em's more like faces nor voices. It's true there's the
+thunder and the wind--'specially when it's blowin' among the trees. And
+then there's the animals and the birds."
+
+"It is said in the East that once there were men who understood the
+language of birds."
+
+"No, no," said Snarley, "there's no understandin' them things. But
+there's one bird, and that's the nightingale, as makes me kind o'
+remember as I understood 'em once. And there's no doubt they understand
+one another; and there's some sorts of animals as understands other
+sorts--but not all. You can take my word for it!"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The light had failed, and the song of the birds, driven to a distance by
+our voices, seemed to quicken the darkness into life. 'Darkling, we
+listened'--how long I know not, for the subliminal world was awake, and
+the measure of time was lost. Snarley was the first to speak, taking up
+his parable from the very point where he had left it, as though he were
+unconscious that a long interval had elapsed. He spoke to Chandrapál.
+
+"I can see as you're a rememberin' sort o' gentleman," he said. "If you
+weren't, you wouldn't ha' come here listenin' to the birds. The animals
+remember a lot o' things as we've forgotten. I dare say you know it as
+well as I do. Now, there's the nightingale--_that's_ the bird for
+recollectin' and makin' you recollect; and you might say dogs and 'osses
+too. You can see the memory in the dog's eyes and in the 'oss's face.
+But you can _hear_ it in the bird's voice--and hearin' and smellin' is
+better nor seein' when it comes to a matter o' rememberin.'
+
+"Yes, and it's my opinion as animals, takin' 'em all round, are wiser
+nor men--that is, they've got more sense. You let your line out far
+enough, and I tell you there's some animals as can make you find a lot
+o' things as you've forgotten. That's what the bird does. When I
+listens, I seems to be rememberin' all sorts o' things, only I can't
+tell nobody what they are.
+
+"Yes, but you ought to ha' been here that night when Mrs. Abel give that
+piece! Why, bless you, she'd got the nightingale to a T, especially the
+rememberin'. Eh, my word, but it were a staggerer! I _wish_ you'd been
+there--a rememberin' gentleman like you! You get her to give you that
+piece when you goes home, and it'll make you reel your line out to the
+very end."
+
+Some of those allusions, I imagine, were lost on Chandrapál. But once
+more he showed that he caught the "sense."
+
+"In my country," he said, "religion forbids us to take the lives of
+animals."
+
+"That's a good sort o' religion," said Snarley. "There's some sense in
+that! Them as holds with it must ha' let their line out pretty far. Now,
+it wouldn't surprise me to hear as folks in your country are good at
+rememberin' things as other folks have forgotten."
+
+"Yes, some of us think we can remember many things." And, after a pause,
+"I thought just now that I remembered you."
+
+"And me you!" said Snarley, "blessed if I didn't. The minute you said
+them funny words, danged if I didn't feel as though I'd knowed you all
+my life! It was just like when I'm listenin' to the bird--all sorts o'
+things comes tumblin' back. Same with them words o' yours. It seemed as
+though somebody as I knowed were a-callin' of me. I must ha' travelled
+millions o' miles, same as when you lets your line out to the stars. And
+all the time I were sure that I knowed the voice, though I couldn't
+understand the meanin'. I tell you, it were _just_ like listenin' to the
+bird."
+
+Chandrapál now turned and said something to Mrs. Abel. She promptly
+slipped out of the shed, giving me a sign to follow. Chandrapál and
+Snarley were left to themselves.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Late at night Chandrapál returned to the Rectory. He was more than
+usually silent and absorbed. Of what had passed between him and Snarley
+he said not a word; but, on bidding us good-night, he remarked to Mrs.
+Abel, "The cycle of existence returns upon itself." And Snarley, on his
+part, never spoke of the occurrence to any living soul. "The rest is
+silence."
+
+
+
+
+SHEPHERD TOLLER O' CLUN DOWNS
+
+
+At the age of fifty or thereabouts Shepherd Toller went mad. After due
+process he was handed over to the authorities and graduated as a pauper
+lunatic. His madness was the outcome of solicitude, and it was not
+surprising that, after a year amid the jovial company of the asylum,
+Toller began to improve. At the end of the second year he was declared
+to be cured, and discharged, much to his regret.
+
+His first act on liberation was to recover his old dog, which had been
+left in charge of a friend. Desiring to start life again where his
+former insanity would be unknown, he made his way to Deadborough, the
+village of his birth. Arrived there, after a forty miles' walk, he
+refreshed himself with a glass of beer and a penn'orth of bread and
+cheese, and proceeded at once to Farmer Ferryman in quest of work. The
+farmer, who was, as usual, in want of labour, sent him to Snarley Bob to
+"put the measure on him." Snarley's report was favourable. "He seemed a
+bit queer, no doubt, and kept laughin' at nothin'; but I've knowed lots
+o' queer people as had more sense than them as wasn't queer, and there's
+no denyin' as he's knowledgeable in sheep." The result was that Toller
+was forthwith appointed as an understudy to Snarley Bob.
+
+Bob's estimate of the new-comer rose steadily day by day. "He had a
+wonderful eye for points." "As good a sheep-doctor as ever lived."
+"Wanted a bit of watchin', it was true, but had a head on his shoulders
+for all that." "Knows how to keep his mouth shut." "Was backward in
+breedin', but not for want o' sense--hadn't caught him young enough."
+"Could ha' taught him anything, if he'd come twenty-five years back." In
+due course, therefore, Toller was entrusted with great responsibilities.
+He it was who, under Snarley's direction, presided over the generation,
+birth, and early upbringing of the thrice-renowned "Thunderbolt."
+
+So it went on for three years. At the end of that time Toller had an
+accident. He fell through the aperture of a feeding-loft, and his spinal
+column received an ugly shock. Symptoms of his old malady began to
+return. He began to get things "terrible mixed up," and to play tricks
+which violated both the letter and the spirit of Snarley's notches.
+
+One of the breeding points in Snarley's system was connected with the
+length of the lambs' ears. Short ears in the new-born lamb were
+prophetic of desirable points which would duly appear when the creature
+became a sheep; long ears, on the other hand, indicated that the cross
+had failed. A crucial experiment on these lines was being conducted by
+aid of a ram which had been specially imported from Spain, and the whole
+thing had been left to Toller's supervision. The result was a complete
+failure. On the critical day, when Snarley returned from his obstetric
+duties, his wife saw gloom and disappointment on his countenance. "Well,
+have them lambs come right?" "Lambs, did you say? They're not _lambs_.
+They're young _jackasses_. It's summat as Shepherd Toller's been up to.
+You'll never make me believe as the Spanish ram got any one on 'em--no,
+not if you was to take your dyin' oath. Blessed if I know where he found
+a father for 'em. It's not one o' our rams, I'll swear. You mark my
+word, missis, Shepherd Toller's goin' out of his mind again. I've seen
+it comin' on for months. Only last Tuesday he sez to me, 'Snarley, I'm
+gettin' cloudy on the top.'"
+
+Shortly after this Toller disappeared and, though the search was
+diligent, he could not be found. "He's not gone far," said Snarley.
+"Leastways he's sure to come back. Mad-men allus comes back." And within
+a few months an incident happened which enabled Snarley to verify his
+theory. It came about in this wise.
+
+A party of great folk from the Hall had gone up into the hills for a
+picnic. They had chosen their camp near the head of a long upland
+valley, where the ground fell suddenly into a deep gorge pierced by a
+torrent. A fire of sticks had been lit close to the edge of the
+precipice, and a kettle, made of some shining metal, had been hung over
+the flames. The party were standing by, waiting for the water to boil,
+when suddenly, crash!--a sprinkle of scalding water in your
+face--and--where's the kettle? An invisible force, falling like a bolt
+from the blue, had smitten the kettle and hurled it into space. The
+ladies screamed; the Captain swore; the Clergyman cried, "Good
+Gracious!" the Undergraduate said, "Jerusalem!" the Wit added, "_And_
+Madagascar!" But what was said matters not, for the Recording Angel had
+dropped his pen. The whole party stood amazed, unable to place the
+occurrence in any sort of intelligible context, and with looks that
+seemed to say, "The reign of Chaos has returned, and the Inexpressible
+become a fact!" Some went to the edge of the gorge and saw below a mass
+of buckled tin, irrecoverable, and worthless. Some looked about on the
+hillside, but looked on nothing to the point. Some stood by the spot
+where the kettle had hung, and argued without premises. Some searched
+for the missile, some for the man; but neither was found. The whole
+thing was an absolute mystery. The party had lost their tea, and gained
+a subject for conversation at dinner. That was all.
+
+That night Snarley, in the tap-room of the Nag's Head, heard the story
+from the groom who had lit the fire, hung the kettle, and seen it fly
+into space. Snarley said nothing, quickly finished his glass, and went
+home. "Missis," he said, "get my breakfast at three o'clock to-morrow
+morning. Shepherd Toller's come back. And mind you hold your tongue."
+
+By five o'clock next morning Snarley had reached the scene of the
+picnic. He gazed about him in all directions: nothing was stirring but
+the peewits. Then he climbed down the gorge with some difficulty, found
+the kettle, and examined its riven side. Climbing back, he went some
+distance further up the valley, ascended a little knoll, took out his
+whistle, and blew a peculiar blast, tremulous and piercing. No response.
+Snarley blew again, and again. At the fourth attempt the distant barking
+of a dog was heard, and a minute later the signal was answered by the
+counterpart to Snarley's blast. Presently the form of a big man,
+followed by a yelping dog, appeared on the skyline above. Shepherd
+Toller was found.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+During the week which followed these events, various members of the
+picnic-party had begun to recollect things they had previously
+forgotten, and discoveries were made, _ex post facto_, which warranted
+the submission of the case to the Society for the Investigation of
+Mysterious Phenomena. Lady Lottie Passingham had been of the party, and
+she it was who drew up the Report which was so much discussed a few
+years ago. In her own evidence Lady Lottie, whose figure was none too
+slim, averred that, as she climbed the hill to the place of rendezvous,
+she had been distinctly conscious of something pulling her back. She had
+attached no importance to this at the time, though she had remarked to
+Miss Gledhow that she wished she hadn't come. The time at which the
+kettle flew was 4.27 p.m.; at 4.25 Lady Lottie, had a sensation as
+though a cold hand were stroking her left cheek, the separate fingers
+being clearly distinguishable. Miss Gledhow had experienced a feeling
+all afternoon that she was being _watched and criticised_--a feeling
+which she could only compare to that of a person who is having his
+photograph taken. Captain Sorley's cigarettes kept going out in the most
+unaccountable manner; and in this connection he would mention that more
+than once, and especially a few minutes after the main occurrence, he
+could not help fancying that someone was breathing in his face. The Rev.
+E. F. Stark-Potter had heard, several times, a sound like "Woe, woe,"
+which he attributed at first to some ploughman calling to his horses;
+subsequent inquiry had proved, however, that, on the day in question, no
+ploughing was being done in the neighbourhood. All the witnesses
+concurred in the statement that they were vividly conscious of
+_something wrong_, the most emphatic in this respect being the
+Undergraduate, who had made no secret of his feeling at the time by
+assuring several members of the party that he felt absolutely "rotten,"
+Further, the Report stated, the scene had been identified with the spot
+where a young woman committed suicide in 1834 by casting herself down
+the precipice. The battered kettle was also recovered and sent in a
+registered parcel for examination by the experts of the Society.
+
+After the mature deliberation due to the distinguished names at the end
+of the Report, the Society decided that the evidence was non-veridical,
+and refused to print the document in their _Proceedings_.
+
+Snarley Bob, who knew what was going on, had his reasons for welcoming
+this development. He concocted various legends of his own weird
+experiences at the valley-head, and these, as coming from him, had
+considerable weight. They were communicated in the first instance to the
+groom. By him they were conveyed to the coachman; by him, to the
+coachman's wife; whence they were not long in finding their way, by the
+usual channels, to headquarters. Here the contributions of Snarley were
+combined by various hands into an artistic whole with the original
+occurrence, which, in this new context, at once quitted the low ground
+of History and began a free development of its own in the realms of the
+Ideal. By the time it reached the Press it had become a fiction far more
+imposing than any fact, and far more worthy of belief. Things that never
+happened filled the foreground, and the thing that did happen had fallen
+so far into the background as to be almost invisible. The incident of
+the kettle had exfoliated into a whole sequence of imposing mysteries,
+becoming in the process a mere germ or point of departure of no more
+significance in itself than are the details in Saxo Grammaticus to a
+first-class performance of _Hamlet_. Thus transfigured, the story was
+indeed a drama rather than a narrative; and those who remember reading
+it in that form will hardly believe that it had its origin in the humble
+facts which these pages relate. The excitement it caused lasted for some
+weeks, and it was almost a public disappointment when the Society for
+the Investigation of Mysterious Phenomena blew a cold blast upon the
+whole thing.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+When Snarley Bob met Shepherd Toller at Valley Head, he found him
+accoutred in a manner which verified his private theory as to the
+levitation of the kettle. Coiled round Toller's left arm were three
+slings, made from strips of raw oxhide, with pouches, large and small,
+for hurling stones of various size. Slung over his back was a big bag,
+also of leather, which contained his ammunition--smooth pebbles gathered
+from the torrent bed, the largest being the size of a man's fist.
+Strapped round his waist was a flint axe, the head being a beautiful
+celt, which Toller had discovered long ago on Clun Downs, and skilfully
+fixed in a handle bound with thongs.
+
+In the days of Toller's first madness, it had been his habit to wander
+over Clun Downs, equipped in this manner, He had lived in some fastness
+of his own devising, and supplied his larder by the occasional slaughter
+of a stolen sheep, whose skull he would split with a blow from the flint
+axe. The slings were rather for amusement than hunting, though his
+markmanship was excellent, and he was said to be able at any time to
+bring down a rabbit, or even a bird. All day long he would wander in
+unfrequented uplands, slinging stones at every object that tempted his
+eye, and roaring and dancing with delight whenever he hit the mark. He
+was inoffensive enough and had never been known to deliberately aim at a
+human being, though more than one shooting party had been considerably
+alarmed by the crash of Toller's stones among the branches, or by his
+long-range sniping of the white-clothed luncheon-table. On one occasion
+Toller had landed a huge pebble, the size of an eight-pounder shot, into
+the very bull's-eye of the feast--to wit, a basket containing six
+bottles of Heidsieck's Special Reserve. It was this performance which
+led Sir George to report the case to the authorities and insist on
+Toller being put under restraint.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+By the evening of the day when Toller disappeared from the Perryman
+sheepfolds he had completed the long walk to his former haunts, and
+recovered his weapons from under the cairn where he had carefully hidden
+them six years before. The axe, of course, was uninjured; but the slings
+were rotten. As soon as it was dark, therefore, Toller stole down to the
+pastures, captured a steer, brained it with the flint axe, stripped off
+the skin, made a fire, roasted a piece of the warm flesh, covered his
+tracks, and before the sun was up had made twenty miles of the return
+journey, with half a dozen fine new slings concealed beneath his coat.
+He arrived at Deadborough at nightfall the day but one following, having
+taken a circuitous route far from the highroad. He at once made his way
+into the hills.
+
+Beyond the furthest outposts of the Perryman farm lie extensive wolds
+rising rapidly into desolate regions where sheep can scarcely find
+pasture. In this region Toller concealed himself. About two miles beyond
+the old quarry, on a slaty hillside, he found a deep pit, which had
+probably been used as a water-hole in prehistoric times; and here he
+built himself a hut. He made the walls out of the stones of a ruined
+sheep-fold; he roofed them with a sheet of corrugated iron, stolen from
+the outbuildings of a neighbouring farm, and covered the iron with sods;
+he built a fire-place with a flue, but no chimney; he caused water from
+a spring to flow into a hollow beside the door. Then he collected slate,
+loose stones, and earth; and, by heaping these against the walls of the
+hut, he gave the whole structure the appearance of a mound of rubbish.
+Human eyes rarely came within sight of the spot; but even a keen
+observer of casual objects would not have suspected that the mound
+represented any sort of human dwelling. It was a masterpiece of
+protective imitation, an exact replica of Toller's previous abode on
+Clun Downs. His fire burned only by night.
+
+The furnishing of this simple establishment consisted of a feather bed,
+which rested on slabs of slate supported by stones,--whence obtained was
+never known, but undoubtedly stolen. The coverlet was three sheepskins
+sewn together, the pillow also a sheepskin, coiled round a cylinder of
+elastic twigs. The table was a deal box, once the property of Messrs.
+Tate, the famous refiners of sugar. The chair was a duplicate of the
+table. The implements were all of flint, neatly bound in their handles
+with strips of hide. There was the axe for slaughter, a dagger for
+cutting meat, a hammer for breaking bones, a saw and scrapers of various
+size--the plunder of some barrow on Clun Downs. Under the slates of the
+bed lay a collection of slings.
+
+In this place Toller lived undiscovered for several months, issuing
+thence as occasion required in quest of food. This he obtained by night
+forays upon distant farms, bringing back mutton or beef, lamb or sucking
+pig, a turkey, a goose, a couple of chickens, according to the changes
+of his appetite or the seasonableness of the dish. Fruit, vegetables,
+and potatoes were obtained in the same manner. In addition, all the game
+of the hills was at his mercy, and he had fish from the stream. It was
+characteristic of Toller's cunning that his plunder was all obtained
+from afar, and seldom twice from the same place. He would go ten miles
+to the north to steal a lamb; next time, as far to the south to steal a
+goose. The plundered area lay along the circumference of great circles,
+with radii of ten, fifteen, twenty miles, of which his abode was the
+centre. This put pursuers off the track, and caused them to look for him
+everywhere but where he was. The police were convinced, for example,
+that he was hiding in Clun Downs. The steer he had slaughtered on his
+first return had been discovered, as Toller intended it to be; and, in
+order to keep up the fiction of his presence in that neighbourhood, he
+repeated his exploit a month later, and slaughtered a second steer in
+the very pasture where he had killed the first.
+
+Nor was his favourite amusement denied him. He knew the movements of
+every shepherd on the uplands, and, by choosing his routes, could wander
+for miles, slinging stones as he went, without risk of discovery.
+Whether during these months he saw any human beings is unknown;
+certainly no human being recognised him. His power of self-concealment
+amounted to genius.
+
+Such was the second madness of Shepherd Toller. Things from the abyss of
+Time that float upwards into dreams--sleeping things whose breath
+sometimes breaks the surface of our waking consciousness, like bubbles
+rising from the depths of Lethe--these had become the sober certainties
+of Toller's life. The superincumbent waters had parted asunder, and the
+children of the deep were all astir. Toller had awakened into a past
+which lies beyond the graves of buried races and had joined his fathers
+in the morning of the world.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Towards the end of the summer Toller's health began to decline. He was
+attacked by fierce paroxysms of internal pain, which left him weak and
+helpless. The distant forays had to be abandoned; there was no more
+slinging of stones; he had great difficulty in obtaining food. He craved
+most for milk, and this he procured at considerable risk of discovery by
+descending before dawn into the lowlands and milking, or partially
+milking, one of the Perryman cows; for the animals knew his voice and
+were accustomed to his touch.
+
+This was the posture of his affairs when one day he became apprised of
+the presence in the neighbourhood of the picnic-party aforesaid. He
+stalked them with care, saw the preparation of their meal, eyed the
+large basket carried by the grooms, and thought with longing of the tea
+it was sure to contain, and of the brandy that might be there also. To
+be possessed of one or both of these things would at that moment have
+satisfied the all-inclusive desire of the sick man's soul, and he
+thought of every possible device and contrivance by which he could get
+them into his hands. None promised well. At last he half resolved on the
+desperate plan of scaring the pleasure-seekers from their camp by
+bombarding the ground with stones--a plan which he remembered to have
+proved effective with a party of ladies on Clun Downs. But he doubted
+his strength for such a sustained effort, and reflected that a party
+which contained so many men, even if forced to retreat, would be sure to
+take their provender with them. While he was thus reflecting he saw the
+kettle hoisted on the tripod, shining and glinting in the sun. Never had
+Toller beheld a more tempting mark. The range was easy; his station was
+well hidden; and the kettle was the hated symbol of his disappointed
+hopes. "One more, and then I've done," I sez to myself--thus he reported
+to Snarley Bob--"and I went back for the old sling, feelin' better than
+I'd done for weeks. I picks the best stone I could find, and kep' on
+whirlin' her round my head all the way back. Then I slaps her in, and
+blessed if I didn't take the kettle first shot!"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+On the evening of the day when he discovered Toller, Snarley came home
+with a countenance of sorrow. "I've found him, missis," he said; "but
+he's a dyin' man. Worn to a shadder, and him the biggest man in the
+parish. It would ha' scared you to see him. As sane as ever he was in
+his life. 'Shepherd,' he sez, 'I'm starvin'. Can you get me a bit of
+summat as I can eat?' 'What would you like?' I sez. He sez, 'I want
+baccy and buttermilk. For God's sake, get me some buttermilk. It's the
+only thing as I feel 'ud keep down; and the pain's that awful it a'most
+tears me to shreds. And may be you can find a pinch o' tea and a spot or
+two of something short.' I sez, 'You shall have it all this very night.
+But how's your head?' 'Terrible heavy at the back,' he sez, 'but clear
+on the top. I've a'most done wi' slingin' and stealin'. The police is
+after me, and I'm too weak to dodge 'em much longer; they're bound to
+catch me soon. But they'll get nowt but a bag o' bones, and they'll have
+to be quick if they want 'em alive. Shepherd, I'm a dyin' man, and
+there's not a soul to stand by me or bury me.' 'Yes, there is,' I sez;
+'you've got me. I'll stand by you, and bury you, too. If the police
+catches you, it'll be through no tellin' o' mine. You go back to your
+hut, and we'll keep you snug enough, and get you all the baccy and
+buttermilk as you wants.' 'Thank God!' he sez; and then the pain took
+him, and he fair rolled on the ground."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"Yes, sir," continued the widow of Snarley, "my 'usband had been failin'
+for two years afore he died. But it was that affair wi' Shepherd Toller
+as broke what bit o' strength he'd got left. I wanted him to tell the
+doctor as he'd found him; but you might as well ha' tried to turn the
+church round as move my 'usband when once he'd made up his mind.
+'Nivver, Polly!' he sez. 'I've given Shepherd Toller my word. Besides,
+he's too far gone for doctors to do him any good. He'll not last many
+days. And I knows a way o' sendin' him to sleep as beats all the
+doctors' bottles. You leave him to me.'
+
+"Well, you see, sir, I knowed very well as he were doing wrong. But then
+he didn't look at it that way. And he mostly knowed what he were doin',
+my 'usband did.
+
+"He never missed goin' to Shepherd Toller's hut mornin' nor night. He
+took him buttermilk a'most every day; and oh, my word, the lies as he
+told about what he wanted it for! I've known him walk miles to get it.
+And then he'd sometimes sit up wi' him half the night tryin' to get him
+to sleep, rubbin' his back and his head. And the things my 'usband used
+to tell me about his sufferin's--oh, sir, it were somethin' awful!...
+Once my 'usband asked him if he'd let him tell the doctor, and Shepherd
+Toller a'most went out o' his mind with fright. 'I've got to see it
+through, Polly,' he sez to me; 'but I doubt if it won't be the death o'
+me.'
+
+"Shepherd Toller took to his bed the very day as my 'usband met him, and
+never left it, leastways he never went outside the hut again. I wanted
+to go myself and look after him a bit in the daytime. But my 'usband
+wouldn't let me go. 'He's no sight for you to look at, missis,' he sez.
+'Except for the pain, his mind's at rest. Besides, there's nobody but me
+knows how to talk to him, and there's nobody but me as he wants to see.
+You can't make him no comfortabler than he is.'
+
+"But it were a terrible strain on my poor 'usband, and there's not a
+doubt that it would ha' killed him there and then if it had lasted much
+longer. It were about three weeks before the end come, and nivver shall
+I forget that night--no, not if I was to live to be a thousand years
+old.
+
+"My master come home about ten o'clock, lookin' just like a man as were
+walkin' in his sleep. I couldn't get him to take notice o' nothin', and
+when I put his supper on the table he seemed as though he hardly knowed
+what it were for. He didn't eat more than two mouthfuls, and then he
+turned his chair round to the fire, tremblin' all over.
+
+"After a bit I sees him drop asleep like. So I sez to myself, 'I'll just
+go upstairs to warm his bed for him, and then I'll come down and wake
+him up,' and I begins to get the warmin'-pan ready. He were mutterin'
+all sorts of things; but I didn't take much notice o' that, because
+that's what he allus did when he went to sleep in his chair. However, I
+did notice that he kep' mutterin' something about a dog.
+
+"Soon he wakes up, kind o' startled, and sez, 'Missis, let that dog in;
+he won't let me get a wink o' sleep.' 'You silly man,' I sez, 'you've
+been fast asleep for three-quarters of a' hour.' 'Why,' he sez, 'I've
+been wide awake all the time, listenin' to the dog whinin' and
+scratchin' at the door, and I was too tired to get up and let him in.
+Open the door quick; I'm fair sick on it.' I sez, 'What nonsense you're
+talkin'! Why, Boxer's been lyin' under the table ever since you come
+home at ten o'clock. He's there now.' So he looks under the table, and
+there sure enough were Boxer fast asleep. 'Well,' he sez, 'it must be
+another dog. Open the door, as I tell you, and see what it is.' So I
+opens the door; and, of course, there were no sign of a dog. 'Are you
+satisfied now?' I sez. 'I can't make it out,' he sez; 'it's something
+funny. I'd take my dyin' oath as there were a dog scratchin'. But maybe
+as I'll go to sleep now.' So he shuts his eyes, and were soon off,
+mutterin' as before.
+
+"Well, I was just goin' upstairs when all of a sudden he give a scream
+as a'most made me drop the warmin' pan. 'What's up?' I sez. 'I've burnt
+my hand awful,' he sez. 'Burnt your hand?' I sez. 'How did you manage to
+do that? Have you been tumblin' into the fire?' 'I don't know,' he sez;
+'but the funny thing is there's no mark of burnin' as I can see.' 'Why,'
+I sez, 'it must be the rheumatiz in yer knuckles. I'll get a drop o'
+turpentine, and rub 'em,' So I gets the turpentine, and begins rubbin'
+his hand, and his arm as well. He sez, 'It's just like a red-hot nail
+driven slap through the palm o' my hand.' Well, it got better after a
+bit, and I made him go to bed, though he were that hot and excited I
+knowed we were going to have a wild night.
+
+"The minute he lay down he went to sleep and slep' quietly for about
+half an hour. Then he starts groanin' and tossin'. 'It's beginnin',' I
+sez to myself; 'I'd better light the candle so as to be ready.' The
+minute I struck the match he jumps out o' bed like a madman, catches
+hold of the bedpost, and begins pullin' the bed across the room. 'What
+are you doin'?' I sez. 'I'm pullin' the bed out o' the fire,' he sez.
+'Don't you see the room's burnin'?' 'Come, master,' I sez, 'you've got
+the nightmare. Get back into bed again, and keep quiet.'
+
+"He let go o' the bedpost and began starin' in front of him with the
+most awful eyes you ever see. 'Are you blind?' he sez. 'Don't you see
+what's 'appenin'?' 'Nothing's 'appenin',' I sez; 'get back into bed.'
+'Look! he sez, 'look at the top o' that hill! Can't you see they're
+crucifying Shepherd Toller on a red-hot cross? I can hear him screamin'
+wi' pain.' 'Get out,' I sez; 'Shepherd Toller's all right. Now just you
+lie down, and think no more about it.' But, oh dear, you might as well
+ha' talked to thunder and lightnin'. He kep' on as how he could hear
+Shepherd Toller screamin' and callin' for him, until I thought I should
+ha' gone out o' my mind.
+
+"Just then a' idea come to me. We'd got a bottle o' stuff as the doctor
+give him to make him sleep when the rheumatiz come on bad. So I pours
+out half a cupful, and I sez, 'Here, you drink that, and it'll stop 'em
+crucifying Shepherd Toller.' He drinks it down at a gulp, and then he
+sez, 'They've took him down. But I'm afraid he's terrible burnt.' He
+soon got quiet and lay down and went to sleep.
+
+"He must ha' slep' till six in the mornin', when he got up. 'My head's
+achin' awful,' he sez. 'I've been dreamin' about Shepherd Toller all
+night. I believe as summat's gone wrong wi' him. Make me a cup o' strong
+tea, and I'll go and see what's up.'
+
+"When my 'usband got to the hut the first thing he sees were Shepherd
+Toller lyin' all of a heap on the floor wi' his clothes half burnt off
+him and his left arm lyin' right on the top o' where the fire had been.
+His hand were like a cinder, and he were burnt all over his body. He
+were still livin' and able to speak. 'How's this happened--what have you
+been doin'?' sez my 'usband. 'It were the cold,' he sez, 'and I wanted a
+drop o' brandy. And the dog were tryin' to get in. You shut him out when
+you went away.'
+
+"Well, my 'usband gave him brandy and managed to lift him on to the bed.
+'I never thought as I should die like this,' he sez. 'Bury the old dog
+wi' me, shepherd, and put the slings alongside o' me and the little axe
+in my hand. And see there's plenty o' stones.' That was the last he
+said, though he kep' repeatin' it as long as he could speak. It were not
+more than an hour after my master found him before he were gone.
+
+"My 'usband dug his grave wi' his own hands, close beside the hut, and
+buried him next day. He put the axe and slings just as he told him, wi'
+the stones and all the bits of flint things as he found in the hut. What
+went most to his heart were shootin' the old dog. He telled me as he
+were sure the dog knowed he were goin' to kill him, and stood as quiet
+as a lamb beside the grave when he pointed the gun. 'It were worse than
+murder,' he said, 'and I shall see him to my dyin' day. But I'd given my
+word, and I had to do it.
+
+"No, sir, not a livin' soul, exceptin' me, knew what had happened till
+my 'usband told Mrs. Abel and you three days before he died. That were
+eighteen months after he'd buried Shepherd Toller. Of course, he'd ha'
+got into trouble if they'd knowed what he'd done. But he weren't afraid,
+and he used to say to me, 'Don't you bother, missis. They can't do
+nothing to you when I'm gone. Let 'em say what they like; you and me
+knows as I've done no wrong. There's only one thing as I can't bear to
+think on. And that's shootin' the old dog.'"
+
+
+
+
+SNARLEY BOB'S INVISIBLE COMPANION
+
+
+Whether Snarley Bob was mad or sane is a question which the reader, ere
+now, has probably answered for himself. If he thinks him mad, his
+conclusion will repeat the view held, during his lifetime, by many of
+Snarley's equals and by some of his betters. In support of the opposite
+opinion, I will only say that he was sane enough to hold his tongue in
+general about certain matters, which, had he freely talked of them,
+would have been regarded as strong evidence of insanity.
+
+The chief of these was his intercourse with the Invisible
+Companion--invisible to all save Snarley Bob. That designation, however,
+is not Snarley's, but my own; and I use it because I do not wish to
+commit myself to the identification of this personage with any
+individual, historical or imaginary. Snarley generally called him "the
+Shepherd"; sometimes, "the Master"; and he used no other name.
+
+With this "Master" Snarley claimed to be on terms of intimacy which go
+beyond the utmost reaches of authentic mysticism. Whether the being in
+question was a figment of the brain or a real inhabitant of time and
+space, let the reader, once more, decide for himself. Some being there
+was, at all events, of whose companionship Snarley was aware under
+circumstances which are not usually associated with such matters.
+
+There is much in this connection that must needs remain obscure. The
+only witness who could have cleared those obscurities away has long been
+beyond the reach of summons. To none else than Mrs. Abel was Snarley
+ever known to open free communication on the subject.
+
+He spoke now and then of a dim, far-off time when he had been a
+"Methody." But he had shown scant perseverance in the road which, strait
+and narrow though it be, has now become easy to trace, being well marked
+by the tread of countless bleeding feet. Instead of continuing therein,
+he had "leapt over the wall" into the surrounding waste, and struck out,
+by a path of his own devising, for the land of Beulah. By all recognised
+precedent he ought to have failed in arriving. I will not say he
+succeeded; but he himself was well content with the result. It is true
+that in all his desert-wanderings he never lost the chart and compass
+with which Methodism had once provided him; but he filled in the chart
+at points where Methodism had left it blank, and put the compass to uses
+which were not contemplated by the original makers.
+
+For many years before his death Snarley entered neither the church nor
+the chapel; and, I regret to say, he had a very low opinion of both.
+This was one of the few matters on which he and Hankin were agreed,
+though for opposite reasons. Hankin objected to these institutions
+because they went too far; Snarley because they went not nearly far
+enough. It may, however, be noted that in the tap-room of the Nag's
+Head, where the blasphemy of the Divine name was a normal occurrence,
+Snarley, of whose displeasure everybody went in fear, would never allow
+the name of Christ to be so much as mentioned, not even argumentatively
+by Hankin; and once when a foul-mouthed navvy had used the name as part
+of some filthy oath, Snarley instantly challenged the man to fight,
+struck him a fearful blow between the eyes and pitched him headlong,
+with a shattered face, into the village street. But in the matter of
+contempt for the religious practice of his neighbours, his attitude was,
+if possible, more extreme than Hankin's. I need not quote his utterances
+on these matters; except for their unusual violence, they were
+sufficiently commonplace. Had Snarley been more highly developed as "a
+social being" he would, no doubt, have been less intolerant; but
+solitude had made him blind on that side of his nature; for his
+fellow-men in general he had little sympathy and less admiration, his
+soul being as lonely as his body when wandering before the dawn on some
+upland waste.
+
+Lonely, save for the frequent presence, by day and night, of his ghostly
+monitor and friend. To understand the nature of this companionship we
+must remember that devotion to the shepherd's craft was the controlling
+principle of Snarley's being. Had he been able to philosophise on the
+basis of his experience, he would have found it impossible to represent
+perfection as grounded otherwise than on a supreme skill in the breeding
+and management of sheep. No being, in his view of things, could wear the
+title of "good Shepherd" for any other reason. Taking Snarley all round,
+I dare say he was not a bad man; but I doubt if there was any sin which
+smelt so rank in his nostrils as the loss of a lamb through
+carelessness, nor any virtue he rated so high as that which was rewarded
+by a first prize at the agricultural show. The form of his ideal, and
+the direction of his hero-worship, were determined accordingly.
+
+The name preferred by Snarley was, as I have said, "the Shepherd," and
+the term was no metaphor. He was familiar with every passage in the New
+Testament where mention is made of sheep; he knew, for example, the
+opening verses of the tenth chapter of St. John by heart; and all these
+metaphorical passages were translated by him into literal meaning. That
+is to say, the Person to whom they refer, or by whom they were spoken,
+was one whom Snarley found it especially fitting to consult, and whose
+sympathy he was most vividly aware of, in doing his own duty as a
+guardian of sheep.
+
+For instance, it was his practice to guide the flock by walking _before_
+them; and this he explained as "a way 'the Shepherd' had." He said that
+when walking behind he was invariably alone; but when going in front
+"the Shepherd" was frequently by his side. And there were greater
+"revelations" than this. During the lambing season, when Snarley would
+often spend the night in his box, high up among the wolds, "the
+Shepherd" would announce his presence towards midnight by giving a
+signal, which Snarley would immediately answer, and pass long hours with
+him communing on the mysteries of their craft.
+
+From this source Snarley professed to have derived some of the secrets
+on which his system of breeding was founded. "'The Shepherd' had put him
+up to them." He said that it was "the Shepherd" who had turned his
+thoughts to Spain as the country which would provide him with a
+short-eared ram. "The Shepherd" had assisted in the creation of
+"Thunderbolt," had indicated the meadows where the "Spanish cross" would
+find the best pasturage, and never failed to warn him when he was going
+to make a serious mistake. In his brilliant successes, which were many,
+at agricultural shows and such like, Snarley disclaimed every tittle of
+merit for himself, assuring Mrs. Abel that it was all due to the
+guidance of "the Shepherd." Of the prize-money which came to him in this
+way--for Farmer Perryman let him have it all--Snarley would never spend
+a sixpence; it was all "the Shepherd's money," and was promptly banked
+"that the missis might have a bit when he were gone"--the "bit"
+amounting, if I remember rightly, to four hundred and eighty pounds.
+
+Throughout these communings there was scarcely a trace of moral
+reference in the usual senses of the term. One rule of life, and one
+only, Snarley professed to have derived from his invisible monitor--that
+"the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep." This rule, also, he
+accepted in a strictly literal sense, and considered himself under
+orders accordingly. Thus interpreted, it was for him the one rule which
+summed up the essential content of the whole moral law.
+
+I am not able to recall any notable act of heroism or self-sacrifice
+performed by Snarley on behalf of his flock; but perhaps we shall not
+err in regarding his whole life as such an act. When, in his old age,
+physical suffering overtook him--the result of a lifetime of toil and
+exposure to the elements--he bore it as a good soldier should bear his
+wounds, sustained by the consciousness that pain such as his was the lot
+of every shepherd "as did his duty by the sheep."
+
+Nor am I aware that he displayed any emotional tenderness towards his
+charges; and certainly, I may add, his personal appearance would not
+have recommended him to a painter in search of a model for the Good
+Shepherd of traditional art. In eliminating undesirable specimens from
+the flock, Snarley was as ruthless as Nature; and when the butcher's man
+drove them off to the shambles he would watch their departure without a
+qualm. It was certainly said that he would never slaughter a sheep with
+his own hands, not even when death was merciful; on the other hand, he
+would sternly execute, by shooting, any dog that showed a tendency to
+bite or worry the flock. There was one doubtful case of this kind which
+Snarley told Mrs. Abel he had settled by reference to his monitor--the
+verdict being adverse to the dog. The monitor was, indeed, his actual
+Master--the captain of the ship whose orders were inviolable,--Farmer
+Perryman being only the purser from whom he received his pay: a view of
+the relationship which probably worked to Perryman's great advantage.
+
+In short, whatever may have been Snarley's sins or virtues in other
+directions, "the Shepherd" had little or nothing to do with them. The
+burden which Snarley laid at his feet was the burden which had bent his
+back, and crippled his limbs, and gnarled his hands, and furrowed his
+broad brows during seventy years of hardship and toil. Moral lapses--in
+the matter of drink and, at one time, of fighting--occasionally took
+place; but they were never known to be followed by any reference to the
+disapproval of "the Shepherd." In some respects, indeed, Robert Dellanow
+showed himself singularly deficient in moral graces. To the very end of
+his life he was given to outbreaks of violent behaviour--as we have
+seen; and not only would he show no signs of after-contrition for his
+bad conduct, but would hint, at times, that his invisible companion had
+been a partner, or at least an unreproving spectator, in what he had
+done. But if he made a mistake in feeding the ewes or in doctoring the
+lambs, Snarley would say, "I don't know what 'the Shepherd' will think
+o' me. I'll hardly have the face to meet him next time." Once, on the
+other hand, when there had been a heavy snowfall towards the end of
+April, and desperate work in digging the flock out of a drift, he
+described the success of the operations to Mrs. Abel by saying, "It were
+a job as 'the Shepherd' himself might be proud on."
+
+In the last period of his life, however, gleams of his earlier Methodism
+occasionally shot through, and showed plainly enough of whom he was
+thinking. As with most men of his craft, his old age was made grievous
+by rheumatism; there were times, indeed, when every joint of his body
+was in agony. All this Snarley bore with heroic fortitude, sticking to
+his duties on days when he described himself as "a'most blind wi' pain."
+We have seen what sustained him, and it was strengthened, of course, as
+he told some of us, by the belief that "the Shepherd" had borne far
+worse. When at last the rheumatism invaded the valves of his heart, and
+every walk up the hill was an invitation to Death, the old man still
+held on, unmoved by the doctor's warnings and the urgency of his
+friends. The Perrymans implored him to desist, and promised a pension;
+his wife threatened and wept; Mrs. Abel added her entreaties. To the
+latter he replied, "Not till I drops! As long as 'the Shepherd' 's there
+to meet me I know as I'm wanted. The lambs ha' got to be fed. Besides
+'the Shepherd' and me has an understandin'. I'll never give in while I
+can stand on my legs and hold my crook in my hand."
+
+There is reason to believe that every phase of Snarley's connection with
+Toller was laid before "the Shepherd." Each new development was subject
+to his guidance. Shortly after Toller's disappearance, Snarley said to
+Mrs. Abel, "Me and 'the Shepherd' has been talkin' it over. He sez to
+me, 'Snarley, when you lose a sheep, you goes after it into the
+wilderness, and you looks and looks till you finds. But this time it's a
+shepherd that's lost. Now you stay quiet where you are, and keep your
+eyes and ears open day and night. I know where he is; he's all right;
+and I'm lookin' after him. By and by I'm going to hand him over to you.
+Him and you has got to drink together, but it'll be a drink o' gall for
+both on you. When the time comes, I'll give you the sign.'"
+
+"The sign come," he added, later on, "the sign come that night in the
+Nag's Head, when the groom told us about the kettle. I'd just had a drop
+o' something short, and when I looks up there were 'the Shepherd'
+sittin' in the chair next but one to Shoemaker Hankin. Just then the
+groom come in, and 'the Shepherd' gets up and comes over to a little
+table where I'd got my glass. The groom sits down where 'the Shepherd'
+had been, and 'the Shepherd' sits down opposite to me. The groom says,
+'Boys, I've got summat to tell you as'll make your hair stand on end.'
+'Fire away,' says Tom Barter; and 'the Shepherd,' he holds up his finger
+and looks at me. When the groom had done, and they were all shoutin' and
+laughin', 'the Shepherd' leans across the table and whispers, close in
+my ear, 'Snarley, the hour's come! Drink up what's left in your glass.
+It's time to be goin'.'"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+During the trying time of his concealment and tending of Toller, "the
+Shepherd's" presence became more frequent, and Snarley's
+characterisation more precise. The belief that "the Shepherd" was
+"backing him up" gave Snarley a will of iron. When Mrs. Abel, on the
+night of his confession, essayed to reprove him for not obtaining
+medical assistance for Toller, he drew himself as erect as his crippled
+limbs allowed, and said quietly, in a manner that closed discussion, "It
+were 'the Master's' orders, my lady. He'd handed him over to _me_." He
+also said, or hinted, that "the Master" had taught him the
+method--whatever it may have been for sending Toller to sleep, "that
+were better than all the doctor's bottles." From the same source,
+doubtless, came his secret for "setting Toller's mind at rest." That
+secret is undivulged; but it was connected in some way with what Snarley
+called "the Shepherd's Plan," of which all we could learn was that
+"there were three men on three crosses, him in the middle being 'the
+Shepherd,' and them at the sides being Toller and me."
+
+"There were allus three on us in the hut," said Snarley, "and all three
+were men as knowed what pain were. Both Toller and me was drinking out
+o' 'the Shepherd's' cup, and he'd promised to stay by us till the last
+drop was gone. 'It's full o' fury and wrath,' sez he; 'but it's got to
+be drunk by them as wants to drive their flock among the stars. I've
+gone before, and you're comin' after. When you've done this there'll be
+no more like it. The next cup will be full o' wine, and we'll all three
+drink it together.'"
+
+In this wise did Snarley and Toller receive the Sacrament in their dark
+and lonely den.
+
+The night on which Snarley came home "like a man walking in his
+sleep"--the last night of Toller's life--was wild, wet, and very dark.
+With a lantern in one hand, a can of milk in the other, and a bag of
+sticks on his back, the old man stumbled through the night until he
+reached the last slope leading to Toller's hut. Here the lantern was
+blown out, and Snarley, after depositing his burdens, sat down, dizzy
+and faint, on a stone. In his pocket was an eight-ounce bottle,
+containing a meagre sixpenn'orth of brandy for Shepherd Toller. Snarley
+fingered the bottle, and then, with quick resolution, withdrew his hand.
+"For the life o' me," he said, "I couldn't remember where I was. I felt
+as though the hillside were whirlin' round, carryin' me with it. And
+then I felt as though I were sinkin' into the ground. 'I'll never get
+there this night,' I sez to myself. Just then I hears something movin',
+and blessed if it wasn't Toller's old dog as had come to look for me. He
+come jumpin' up and begins lickin' my face. Well, it put a bit o' heart
+into me to feel the old dog. So I picks up the can and the bundle, and
+off I goes again; and, though I wouldn't ha' believed it, it weren't
+more than eighty yards, or a hundred at most, to the hut.
+
+"When I come to the edge of the pit I sees a lantern burnin' near the
+door, wonderful bright; and there were 'the Shepherd' sittin' on a
+stone, same as I'd been doin' myself a minute before. As soon as he sees
+me comin', he waves his lantern and calls out, 'Have a care, Snarley,
+it's a steep and narrow road.' Well, the path down into the pit were as
+slippery as ice, and I tell you I'd never ha' got down--at least, not
+without breakin' some o' my bones--if 'the Shepherd' hadn't kep' showin'
+me a light.
+
+"So I comes up to where he were; and then I noticed as he were wet
+through, just as I were, and looking regular wore out. 'Snarley,' he sez
+to me, 'you carry your cross like a man.' 'I learnt that from you,
+Master,' I sez; 'but you look as though yours had been a bit too heavy
+for you this time.' 'We've had terrible work to-day,' he sez; 'we've
+been dividin' the sheep from the goats. And there's no keepin' 'em
+apart. We no sooner gets 'em sorted than they mixes themselves up again,
+till you don't know where you are.' 'Why didn't you let me come and help
+you?' I sez. 'I'd ha' brought Boxer, and he'd ha' settled 'em pretty
+quick.' 'No, no,' he sez; 'your hour's not come. When I wants you, I'll
+give you a sign as you can't mistake. Besides, you're not knowledgable
+in goats. Feed my sheep.' 'Well,' I sez, 'when you wants me, you knows
+where to find me.' 'Right,' he sez; 'but it's Toller we'll be wantin'
+first. And I've been thinkin' as p'raps he'd oblige us by lettin' us
+have the loan of his dog for a bit.' 'I'll go in and ask him,' I sez; 'I
+don't suppose he'll have any objection.' Then 'the Shepherd' blew his
+lantern out, and I see him no more that night.
+
+"Me and the dog goes into the hut, and I could hear as Toller were fast
+asleep in his bed. I begins blowin' up the embers in the fire, and when
+the blaze come the old dog lay down as though he meant goin' to sleep.
+But I could see as there was somethin' on his mind, for he kept cockin'
+his nose up, and sniffin' and lookin' round. Then he gets up and begins
+scratchin' at the door, as he allus did when he wanted to go out. So I
+opens the door, and out he rushes into the dark, like a mad thing,
+barkin' as though he smelt a fox.
+
+"When I'd done what I'd come to do, I puts the brandy and the buttermilk
+where they'd be handy for Shepherd Toller to get 'em, and then I goes to
+the door and begins whistlin' for the dog. But no sign of him could I
+hear or see, though I kep' on whistlin' for full a quarter of a' hour.
+It were strange as it didn't wake Shepherd Toller, but he kep' on
+sleepin' like a child in a thunderstorm. At last I give it up and shut
+the door and went home. How I got back, I don't know. I can't remember
+nothing till my missis catched hold on me and pulled me in through the
+door."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"I'd never ha' been able to shoot the old dog," said Snarley, "if 'the
+Shepherd' hadn't made me do it. I turned fair sick when I put the charge
+in the gun, and when I pointed it at him I was in such a tremble that I
+couldn't aim straight. I tried three or four times to get steady, the
+dog standin' as still as still all the while, except that he kep'
+waggin' his tail.
+
+"All of a sudden I sees 'the Shepherd,' plain as plain. He were standin'
+just behind the old dog, strokin' his head. 'Shoot, Snarley,' he sez;
+'shoot, and we'll look after him.' 'Stand back, then, Master,' I sez;
+'for I'm goin' to fire.' 'Fire,' he sez; 'but aim lower. The shot won't
+hurt _me_,' and he went on strokin' the dog's head. So I pulls the
+trigger, and when the smoke cleared 'the Shepherd' were gone, and the
+dog were lyin' dead as any stone."
+
+
+
+
+THE DEATH OF SNARLEY BOB
+
+
+"He'd a rough tongue, sir; but he'd a good 'eart," said the widow of
+Snarley Bob. "Oh, sir, but he were a wonderful man, were my master. I
+never knowed one like him--no, nor never 'eard o' one. I didn't think on
+it while he were living; but now' he's gone I know what I've lost. That
+clever! Why, he often used to say to me. 'Polly, there ain't a bit of
+blessed owt as I couldn't do, if I tried.' And it were true, sir. And
+him nothing but a shepherd all his life, and never earned more'n
+eighteen shillin' a week takin' it all the year round. And us wi' a
+family of thirteen children, without buryin' one on 'em, and all married
+and doin' well. And only one fault, sir, and that not so bad as it is in
+some. He _would_ have his drop of drink--that is, whenever he could get
+it. Not that he spent his wages on it, except now and then after the
+children was growed up. But you see, sir, he was that amusin' in his
+talk, and folks used to treat him.
+
+"Well, sir, it was last Saturday fortnight, as I was tellin' you, he
+come home for the last time. I can see 'im now, just as he come
+staggerin' in at that door. I thought when I saw him that he'd had a
+drop o'drink, though he'd not been 'avin' any for a long time. So I sez
+to myself, 'I'd better make 'im a cup o' tea,' and I begins puttin' the
+kettle on the fire. 'What are you doin'?' he sez. 'I'm goin' to give you
+a cup o' tea,' I sez; 'It'll do yer good.' 'No, it won't,' he sez, 'I've
+done wi' cups o' tea in this world.' 'Why,' I sez, 'what rubbish! 'Ere,
+sit yer down, and let me pull yer boots off.' 'You can pull 'em off,' he
+sez 'but ye'll never see me put 'em on again.'
+
+"I could see by this that it wasn't drink besides I couldn't smell any.
+So I gets 'im into his chair and begins pullin' his boots off. 'What
+makes you talk like that?' I sez. 'You knows as you was ever so much
+better last night. When you've had yer medicine you'll be all right.' He
+said nowt for a time, but just sat, tremblin' and shiverin' in his
+chair. So I sez, 'Hadn't you better 'ave the doctor?' 'It's no good,' he
+sez; 'I'm come 'ome for the last time. It'll be good-bye this time,
+missis.' 'Not it,' I sez; 'you've got many years to live yet. Why, wot's
+to make yer die?' 'It's my 'eart,' he sez; 'it's all flip-floppin' about
+inside me, and gurglin' like a stuck pig. It's wore out, and I keep
+gettin' that faint.' 'Oh,' I sez, 'cheer up; when you've 'ad a cup o'
+tea you'll feel better'; but I'd hardly got the words out o' my mouth
+before he were gone in a dead faint.
+
+"We got 'im to bed between the three on us, and, my word, it were a job
+gettin' 'im up them narrer stairs! As soon as we'd made 'im comfortable,
+he sez to me, 'Wot I told yer's comin' to-night, Polly. They've been
+a-callin' on me all day. I see 'em and 'ear 'em, too. Loud as loud.
+Plain as plain.' 'Who's been callin' yer?' I sez. 'The messengers o'
+death,' he sez; 'and they're in this room, four on 'em, now. I can 'ear
+'em movin' and talkin' to one another.' 'Oh,' I sez, 'it's all fancy.
+What you 'ear is me and Mrs. Rowe. You lie quiet and go to sleep, and
+you'll be better in the mornin'.' He only shook his 'ead and said, 'I
+can 'ear 'em.'
+
+"Well, I suppose it was about 'alf a' hour after this when Mrs. Rowe sez
+to me, 'He looks like goin' to sleep now, Mrs. Dellanow, so I think I'll
+go 'ome and get my master 'is supper'; and she was just goin' down the
+stairs when all of a sudden he starts up in bed and sez, 'Do you 'ear
+that whistle blowin'?' 'No,' I sez, 'you've been dreamin'. There isn't
+nobody whistlin' at this time o' night.' 'Yes,' he sez, 'there is, and
+it blowed three times. There's thousands and thousands of sheep, and a
+tall shepherd whistlin' to his dog. But he's got no dog, and it's me
+he's whistlin' for.'
+
+"Now, sir, you must understand that my 'usband when he was with the
+sheep used to work his dog wi' whistlin' instead of shoutin' to it as
+most shepherds do. You can see his whistle hangin' on that nail--that's
+where he hung it 'isself for twenty-five years. You see, he was kind o'
+superstitious and used to say it was bad luck to keep yer whistle in yer
+pocket when you went to bed. So he always hung it on that nail, the last
+thing at night.
+
+"'Why,' I sez, tryin' to humour 'im, 'it's his dog he's whistlin' for,
+not you. His dog's somewhere where you can't see it. He doesn't want
+you. You lie back again, and go to sleep.' 'No, no,' sez he; 'there's no
+dog, and the sheep's runnin' everywhere, thousands on 'em. It's me he's
+whistlin' for, and we must whistle back to say I'm comin'. Fetch it down
+from the nail, Polly. There he is again! He's the tallest shepherd I
+ever saw. He's one of them four that was in the room just now. Whistle
+back, Polly, and then it'll be all right.' And so he kep' on, again and
+again.
+
+"Mrs. Rowe, who'd come into the room, said to me, 'If I was you, Mrs.
+Dellanow, I'd fetch the whistle and blow it. It'll quiet 'im, and then
+p'raps he'll go to sleep.'
+
+"You can understand, sir, that I was that upset I didn't know what I was
+doing. But when he kep' on callin' and beseechin' I thought I'd better
+do as Mrs. Rowe recommended. So I went down and took the whistle from
+that nail--the same where you see it hangin' now. When I got back I
+couldn't somehow bring myself to do it, so I gives it to 'im to blow
+'isself. But, oh dear, to see the poor thing trying to put it to his
+mouth ... it a'most broke my heart. So I took it from 'im, and blowed it
+myself three times as he wanted me. To think o' me standin' by my own
+'usband's dyin'-bed and blowin' a whistle!
+
+"When I'd done, he says, 'That's all right; he knows I'm comin' now. But
+it'll take a long time to gather all them sheep.'
+
+"For a bit he was quite still, and both me and Mrs. Rowe sat watchin',
+when, all of a sudden, he starts up again and sez, 'Listen, he's goin'
+to blow again,' Well, sir, I dare say you won't believe what I'm going
+to tell yer, but it's as true as I'm standin' 'ere. He'd hardly got the
+words out of his mouth when I hears a whistle blown three
+times--leastways I thought I did--as it might be coming from the top of
+that 'ill you see over there. There weren't no other sounds, for it was
+as still a night as could be. But there was someone whistling, and Mrs.
+Rowe 'eard it too. If you don't believe me, you can ask her. I nearly
+dropped on the floor, and I knew from that minute that my 'usband was
+going to die.
+
+"You see, sir, my 'usband was never what you might call a religious man.
+He were more of a readin' man, my 'usband was--papers and books and all
+sorts o' things--more'n was good for 'im, I often used to say. You can
+see a lot on 'em on that little shelf. If it hadn't been that they kep'
+'im out o' the Nag's Head I'd ha' burned some on 'em, that I would, and
+I often told 'im so. He knowed a wonderful lot about the stars, my
+'usband did. Why, he'd often sit in his chair outside that door, smokin'
+his pipe and watchin' 'em for hours together.
+
+"One day there was a great man came down to give a lecture on the stars
+in C----, and a gentleman as knowed my 'usband's tastes paid his fare
+and gave 'im a ticket for the lecture. When he came 'ome he was that
+excited I thought he'd go out o' his mind. He seemed as though he could
+think of nothing else for weeks, and it wasn't till he began to ha' bad
+luck wi' the ewes as he was able to shake it off. He was allus lookin'
+in the paper to see if the gentleman as give the lecture was comin'
+again. His name was Sir Robert Ball. I dare say you've heard on 'im.
+
+"He used to spend all his Sundays readin' about stars. No, sir, he
+'adn't been inside the church for years. 'Church is for folks as knows
+nowt about the stars,' he used to say. 'Sir Robert Ball's my parson.'
+One night when he was sittin' outside the door. I sez, 'Why don't you
+come in and get yer supper? It's getting cold.' 'Let it get cold,' he
+sez; 'I'm not comin' in till the moon's riz. It's as good as a drop o'
+drink to see it.'
+
+"P'raps he told yer all about that time when he was took up wi'
+spiritualism. He'd met a man in the public-'ouse who'd 'eard his talk
+and put 'im up to it. They got 'im to go to a meetin' i' the next
+village, and made 'im believe as he was a medium. Well, there never was
+such goin's-on as we 'ad wi' 'im for months. He'd sit up 'alf the night,
+bumpin' the table and tan-rannin' wi' an old bucket till I was a'most
+scared out o' my life. But that winter he was nearly carried off wi' the
+New Mony, and when he got better he said he wasn't goin' to touch the
+spirits no more. 'There's summat in it,' he sez; 'but there's more in
+the stars.' And from that day I never 'eard 'im so much as talk about
+spirits, and you may be sure I didn't remind 'im on 'em.
+
+"You must ha' often 'eard 'im talk about the stars, sir. Well, I suppose
+them things makes no difference to a' eddicated gentleman like you. But
+poor folks, _I_ sez, has no business to meddle wi' em. All about worlds
+and worlds floatin' on nothin' till you got fair lost. Folks as find
+them things out ought to keep 'em quiet, that's wot _I_ sez. Why, I've
+'eard 'im talk till I was that mazed that I couldn't 'a said my prayers;
+no, not if I'd tried ever so.
+
+"Yes, sir, it were a strange thing that when my 'usband come to die his
+mind seemed to hang on his whistle more'n a'most anything else. He kep'
+talkin' about it all night, and sayin' the tall shepherd was answerin'
+back, though I never 'eard nothin' myself, save that one time I told yer
+of.
+
+"'It's queer he don't talk about the stars,' sez Mrs. Rowe to me. 'He
+will do before he's done, you see if he doesn't,' I sez.
+
+"Well, about three o'clock I see a change in his face and knowed as the
+end wasn't far off. So I puts my arm round his old neck, and I sez,
+'Bob, my dear, are you prepared to meet your Maker?' 'Oh! I'm all
+right,' he sez quite sensible; 'don't you bother your head about that,'
+'Don't you think you'd better let me send for the parson?' I sez. 'No,'
+he sez; 'but you could send for Sir Robert Ball--if you only knew where
+to find him.' 'But,' I sez, 'wouldn't you like somebody to pray with
+yer? Sir Robert Ball's no good for that,' 'He's as good as anybody
+else,' he sez. 'Besides what's the use of prayin' now? It's all over,'
+'It might do yer good,' I sez. 'It's too late," he sez, 'and I don't
+want it. It isn't no Maker I'm goin' to--I'm goin' to the stars,' 'Oh,'
+I sez, 'you're dreamin' again,' 'No, I'm not' he sez. 'Didn't I tell yer
+they'd been a-callin' on me all day? I don't mean the stars, but them as
+lives in 'em.'
+
+"No, sir, he wasn't wanderin' then. 'I wish the children was 'ere,' he
+sez; 'but you couldn't get 'em all in this little room. My eye, what a
+lot we've 'ad! And all livin'. And there's Tom got seven of 'is own,'
+And a lot more like that; but I was so upset and cryin' that I can't
+remember half on it.
+
+"About four o'clock he seemed to rally a bit and asked me to put my arm
+round him and lift him up. So I raises him, like, on the pillow and
+gives him a sup o' water. 'What day o' the week is it?' he sez. 'Sunday
+mornin',' I sez. 'That's my day for the stars,' he sez, and a smile come
+over his face, as were beautiful to see.... No, sir, he weren't a
+smilin' man, as a rule--he allus got too much on his mind--and a lot o'
+pain to bear too, sir. Oh, dear me!... Well, as I was a-sayin', he were
+as glad as glad when he heard it were Sunday. 'What's o'clock?' he sez.
+'Just struck four by the church clock,' I sez. 'Then the dawn must be
+breakin',' he sez; 'look out o' the winder, there's a good lass, and
+tell me if the sky's clear, and if you can see the mornin' star in the
+south-east.' So I goes to the winder and tells him as how the sky were
+clear and the mornin' star shinin' wonderful. 'Ah, she's a beauty,' he
+sez, 'and as bright as she were milions o' years ago!'
+
+"After a bit he sez, 'Take yer arm off, Polly, and lay me on my right
+side.' When me and Mrs. Rowe 'ad turned 'im round he sez, 'You can fetch
+the old Bible and read a bit if you like,' 'What shall I read?' I sez,
+when Mrs. Rowe had fetched it, for I wouldn't leave 'im for a minute.
+'Read about the Woman in Adultery,' he sez. 'Oh,' I sez, 'that'll do you
+no good. You don't want to 'ear about them things now.' 'Yes,' he sez,
+'I do. It's the best bit in the book. But if you can't find it, the Box
+o' Hointment'll do as well.' 'What can he mean?' I sez. 'He means about
+them two women as come to our Lord,' sez Mrs. Rowe. ''Ere, I'll find
+'em.' So I give the Bible to Mrs. Rowe and lets her read both of the
+bits he wanted.
+
+"While Mrs. Rowe was readin' he lay as still as still, but his eyes were
+that bright it a'most scared me to see 'em. When she'd done, he said
+never a word, but lay on 'is side, wi' 'is 'ead turned a bit round,
+starin' at the window. 'I'm sure he sees summat,' sez Mrs. Rowe to me.
+'I wonder wot it is,' I sez. 'P'raps it's our Lord come to fetch 'im,'
+she sez. 'I've 'eard o' such things.'
+
+"He must ha' lay like that for ten minutes, breathin' big breaths as
+though he were goin' to sleep. Then I sees 'is lips movin', and I 'ad to
+bend my 'ead down to 'ear what he were sayin'. 'He's a-blowin' again.
+It's the tall shepherd--'im as wrote on the ground--and he's got no dog,
+and 'is sheep's scatterin'. It's me he wants. Fetch the old whistle,
+Polly, and blow back. I want 'im to know I'm comin'.'
+
+"He kep' repeatin' it, till 'is breath went. I got Mrs. Rowe to blow the
+whistle, but he didn't 'ear it, and it made no difference. And so, poor
+thing, he just gave one big sigh and he were gone."
+
+
+
+
+FARMER PERRYMAN'S TALL HAT
+
+
+It was winter, and Farmer Perryman and I were seated in straight-backed
+arm-chairs on either side of his kitchen fire. The prosperity attendant
+on the labours of Snarley Bob had already begun: the house was roomy and
+well furnished; there was a parlour and a drawing-room; but Perryman,
+when the day's work was done, preferred the kitchen. And so did I.
+
+Though evening had fallen, the lamp was not yet lit; but the flames of a
+wood fire gave light enough for conversational purposes, and imparted to
+the flitches and hams suspended from the ceiling a lively reality which
+neither daylight nor petroleum could ever produce. As the shadows danced
+among them, the kitchen became peopled with friendly presences; a new
+fragrance pervaded the place, bearing a hint of good things to come. No
+wonder that Perryman loved the spot.
+
+To-night, however, there was another object in the room, of so alien a
+nature that any self-respecting ham or flitch, had it possessed a
+reasonable soul, would have been sorely tempted to "heave half a brick"
+at the intruder. This object stood gleaming on a table in the middle of
+the room. It was a bran-new and brilliantly polished tall hat.
+
+"No," said Farmer Perryman, "it's not for Sundays. It's for a weddin'!
+You'll never see me wearing a box-hat on Sundays again. Will he,
+missis?" (Mrs. Perryman said, "I don't expect he will.") "No sir, not
+again! Not that I don't mean to go to church regular. I've done that all
+my life.
+
+"Yes, you're quite right. Folks in the villages don't go to church as
+they used to do when I was a young man, and I'm sorry to see it. Folks
+nowadays seems to have forgotten as they've got to die. Besides, it's
+not good for farmin'. Show me any parish in the county where there's
+first-class farmin', and I'll bet you three to one there's a good
+congregation in the church.
+
+"What's driven 'em away, did you say? Well, if you want my opinion, it's
+my belief as this 'ere Church Restoration has as much to do wi' it as
+anything else. There's been a lot o' new doctrine, it's true, and all
+this 'ere 'Igh Churchism, as I could never make head nor tail of; and
+that, no doubt, has offended some o' the old-fashioned folk like me. But
+it's when they starts restoring the old churches, and makin' 'em all
+spick and span, that the religious feelin' seems to die out on 'em, and
+folks begins to stop goin'. You might as well be in a concert hall--the
+place full o' chairs and smellin' o' varnish enough to make you sick,
+and a lot o' lads in the chancel dressed up in white gowns, and suckin'
+sweets, and chuckin' paper pellets at one another all through the
+sermon. That's not what _I_ call religion!
+
+"I've often told our parson as it were the worst day's work he ever did
+when he had our church restored. And a lot o' money it cost, too; but
+not a penny would I give, and I told 'em I wouldn't--no, not if they'd
+gone down on their bended knees. From that day to this our church has
+never _smelt_ right--never smelt as a church _ought_ to smell. You know
+the smell of a' old church? Well, I don't know what makes it; but there
+it is, and when you've said your prayers to it for forty years you can't
+say 'em to no other.
+
+"I can remember what a turn it gave me that Sunday when the Bishop came
+down to open the church after it had been restored. The old smell clean
+gone, and what was worse a new smell come! 'Mr. Abel,' I says, 'I can
+put up wi' a bit of new doctrine, and I don't mind a pinch or two o'
+ceremony; but I can't abide these 'ere new smells,' 'I'll never be able
+to keep on comin',' I says to Charley Shott. 'Nor me, neither,' he says.
+"I'll go to church in another parish,' I says to my missis, 'for danged
+if you'll ever see me goin' inside a chapel.'
+
+"So I went next Sunday to Holliton, and--would you believe me?--it had a
+new smell, worse, if anything, than ours. There was a' old man in a
+black gown, and a long stick in his hand, walkin' up and down the aisle.
+So I says to him, 'What's up with this 'ere church? Has them candles on
+the altar been smokin'?' 'No,' he says, 'not as I know on.' 'Well,' I
+says, sniffin' like, 'there's a very queer smell in the place. It's not
+'ealthy. Summat ought to be done to it at once.' 'Hush!' he says, 'what
+you smells is the incense.' And then the Holliton clergyman! Well--I
+couldn't stand him at no price--a great, big, fat feller wi' no more
+religion in him than a cow--and not more'n six people in the church.
+'Not for me,' I says, 'not after Mr. Abel.'
+
+"Well, I didn't know what to do, when one day I sees Charley Shott
+comin' out o' our churchyard. 'Sam,' he says, 'I've just been sniffin'
+round inside the church, and there she is, all alive and kickin'!'
+'What's all alive and kickin'?' I says. 'The old smell,' says he; 'come
+inside, and I'll show you where she is.' So I follows Charley Shott into
+the church, and he takes me round to where the old tomb is, in the north
+transep'. 'Now,' he says, 'take a whiff o' that, Sam.' 'Charley,' I
+says, 'it's the right smell sure enough; and if only she won't wear off,
+I'll sit in this corner to the end o' my days.' 'She's not likely to
+wear off,' he says; 'she comes from the old tomb. It's a mixture o' damp
+and dust. Now, the damp's all right, because the heatin' pipes don't
+come round here; and, besides, the sun never gets into this corner. And
+as to the dust, you just take your pocket-handkerchief and give a flick
+or two round the bottom o' the tomb. That'll freshen her up any time.'
+
+"Well, you may laugh; but I tell you it's as true as I'm sittin' here. I
+allus goes to church in good time, and if my corner don't smell true, I
+just dusts her up a bit, and then she's as right as a trivet."
+
+"But," I said, "you were going to tell me about the tall hat."
+
+"Ha, so I was," replied Ferryman; "but the hat made me think o' the
+church, and that put me off. Well, it's no doin' o' mine that you see
+that hat where it is to-night. If I had my way it 'ud be in the place
+where it came from, and fifteen shillin's that's in another place 'ud be
+in my pocket. I'm not used to 'em, and what's more I never shall be. But
+a weddin's a weddin', and your niece is your niece, and when your missis
+says you've got to wear one--why, what's the use o' sayin' you won't?
+However, that's not the first tall hat as I've worn."
+
+"Tell me about the others," I said.
+
+"There was only one other, and that other was one 'other' too many for
+me," replied the farmer. "It's seven years come next hay harvest since
+my wife come into a bit of money as had been left her by her aunt.
+'Sam,' she says to me, 'we got a rise, and we must act up to it.' 'Right
+you are,' I says; 'but how are you goin' to start?' 'Well,' she says,
+'the first thing you've got to do is to leave off wearing billy-cocks on
+Sundays and buy a box-hat,' 'Polished 'ats,' I says, 'is for polished
+'eads, and mine was ordered plain,' 'If there's no polish on your 'ead,'
+says she, 'that's a reason for having some on your 'at.'
+
+"Well, we had a bit more chaff, and the end of it was that I promised to
+buy one, though, between you and me, I never meant to. However, when
+market-day come round, she _would_ go with me, and never a bit of peace
+did she give me till she'd driven me into a shop and made me buy the
+hat. 'I've bought it, Sally,' I said; 'but you'll _never_ see me wear
+it.' 'Oh yes, I shall,' she says; 'you're not nearly such a fool as you
+try to make yourself out.' Well, I went home that day just as mad as
+mad. If there's one thing in this world as upsets me it's spending money
+on things I don't want. And there was twelve-and-sixpence gone on a
+box-hat! If Sally hadn't kept hold on it I'd ha' kicked the whole thing
+half a mile further than the middle of next week. 'I'll get that
+twelve-and-sixpence back somehow,' I said to myself; 'you see if I
+don't. It's the Church that made me spend it, and the Church shall pay
+me back. If I didn't go to church I shouldn't have bought that hat. All
+right, Mr. Church,' I said, as I drove by it, shakin' my fist at the
+steeple, 'I'll be even with you yet'; and I shouted it out loud."
+
+"I should have thought your wife had more to do with it than the
+Church," I interposed.
+
+"Of course she had--in a plain sense o' speakin'," said the farmer. "But
+then your wife's your wife, especially when she's a good 'un, and the
+Church is the Church. Some men might ha' rounded on Sally; but I told
+her before we were married that the first bad word I gave her would be
+the answer to one she gave me. That's eight-and-twenty year ago, and we
+haven't begun yet. But where was I? Oh, I was tellin' you what I said to
+the church. You can guess what a rage I was in from my gettin' such a'
+idea into my 'ead."
+
+"No other reason?" I asked.
+
+"Not a drop," replied Perryman; "for I suppose that's what you mean. No,
+sir, I give it up once and for all ever since that time when Mrs. Abel
+followed me to Crawley Races. Ay, and the best day's work she ever
+did--and that's sayin' a good deal, I can tell you. I can see her just
+as she was. She were drivin' a little blood-mare as she'd bought o'
+me--one as I'd bred myself--for I were more in 'osses than sheep in them
+days--and Mrs. Abel were allus a lady as knowed a good 'oss when she see
+it. And there was Snarley Bob, in his Sunday clothes, sittin' on the
+seat behind. She'd got a little blue bonnet on, as suited her to a T,
+and were lookin' like a----"
+
+"Tell him about that some other time," said Mrs. Perryman; "if you go on
+at this rate you'll never get finished with the story about your hat."
+
+"Hats isn't everything," said the farmer; "but if hats is what you want
+to hear about, hats is what I'll talk on."
+
+Mrs. Perryman looked at me with a glance which seemed to say that, even
+though hats weren't everything, we had better stick to them on the
+present occasion. I interpreted the glance by saying to the farmer, "Go
+on about the hat. We can have the other next time." Mrs. Perryman seemed
+relieved, and her husband continued:
+
+"Well, next mornin' bein' Sunday, the missis managed to get her way, and
+off we sails to church--she in a silk dress, and me in a box-hat. We was
+twenty minutes before time, for I didn't want people to see us; but,
+just as we were crossing the churchyard, who should we meet but the
+parson and his lady? Know our parson? You're right: he's not only good,
+but good all through, fat, lean, and streaky. That's what he is, and you
+can take my word for it. Know his lady? No?" (I was a new-comer in those
+days.) "Well, you _ought_ to: she'd make you laugh till you choked, and
+next minute she'd make you cry. Mischievous? Why, if I should tell you
+the tricks she's played on people you wouldn't believe 'em. Ever hear
+what she did when the Squire's son come of age? Or about her dressing up
+at the Queen's Jubilee? No? Well, I'll tell you that another time. Oh,
+she's a treat--a real treat!" (Here Farmer Perryman broke forth into
+mighty laughter and banged his fist on the table with such vigour that
+Tall Hat the Second leaped into the air.)
+
+"Why doesn't Parson keep her under, did you say?" he continued. "Bless
+yer heart, he doesn't want to. She never harmed a living soul. Why, the
+good she's done to this parish couldn't be told. It'll take the whole of
+the Judgment Day to get through it, and then they won't ha' done--that's
+what folks says. Popular? I should think she _was_! There isn't a poor
+man or woman in the village as doesn't worship the soles of her boots.
+And there's not many, rich or poor, as she hasn't made fools of--yes,
+and more than once. They ought to write a book about her. It's a shame
+they don't. My eye, if she'd been Queen of England she'd ha' made things
+jump! As for finding things out, she's got a nose like that little
+terrier bitch o' mine. 'Pon my word, it wouldn't surprise me if she
+knows that you're sittin' in that chair at this minute. You mayn't
+believe me, but I tell you she's capable of more than that.
+
+"Yes, yes, she's gettin' an old woman now. I remember the day as Parson
+brought her home--a quiet-looking little thing, with a face like a tame
+rabbit--you wouldn't ha' thought she could 'a bitten a hole in the cheek
+of a' apple. Some say she was a' actress before he married her; she's
+_clever_ enough for twenty actresses, and she's _better_ than twenty
+thousand."
+
+"Those are impressive figures," I said, not a little puzzled by the sum
+in moral arithmetic which the farmer's enthusiasm had propounded. "Why,
+she must be a perfect saint."
+
+The words were scarcely out of my mouth when Mr. Perryman rose from his
+chair like a man in wrath. Inadvertently I had used an expression which
+acted like a spark upon gunpowder. Intending to praise his idol, I had
+for some obscure reason wounded the passionate old man in the most
+sensitive nerve of his being. I sat amazed, not understanding what I had
+done, and even now I do not pretend to understand it wholly. But this is
+what happened. Standing over me with fierce gesticulations, Mr. Perryman
+poured out a fury of words, only fragments of which I can now recall.
+
+"Perfect saint!" he shouted. "Do you know who it is you're talking
+about? No, you don't, or you'd never have said such a word! Look here,
+mister, let me tell yer this: you're on the wrong side of your 'osses
+this time! She's no more a saint than _I_ am; if she had been, do you
+think she could ha' done the best thing she ever did?"
+
+"Great heavens!" I thought, "what can he mean?--I'm sorry you're hurt,"
+I said aloud. "I meant no offence. Only you said just now she was as
+good as twenty thousand----"
+
+"_Actresses_," broke in the farmer. "I said twenty thousand
+actresses--not twenty thousand _lambs_."
+
+"Oh, well," I replied, "of course, there's a great difference between
+the two things, and I was stupid not to think of it before. Whatever she
+may be, it's plain you admire her, and that's enough." I was anxious to
+break the current of Mr. Perryman's thoughts, and recover the history of
+the Tall Hat, the thread of which had been so unexpectedly snapped.
+
+"Admire her!" cried the old man, who was evidently not to be put off.
+"And why shouldn't I? Who was it that dug Sam Perryman out of the mud
+when he was buried in it up to his neck--yes, and got half smothered
+with mud herself in doing it? But do you think she _cared_? Not she!
+Snapped her fingers in the face of half the county, that she did, and
+what's more she gave some of 'em a taste of the whip as they won't
+forget! Now listen, and I'll tell you something that'll make your hair
+curl."
+
+I swiftly resolved not to listen, for the farmer was beside himself with
+excitement and not responsible for what he was doing. I saw that I was
+about to discover what I was never intended to know. Dim recollections
+came to my mind of a grotesque but terrible story, known to not more
+than four living souls, the names and personalities in which had for
+good reasons been carefully concealed from me and from others. That
+Farmer Perryman was one actor in that tragedy, and that Mrs. Abel was
+another, had been already revealed past recalling. More than this it was
+unseemly that I should hear.
+
+The figure of the old man, as he stood before me then, is one of those
+images that cannot be effaced. His voice was broken, his lips were
+parted and quivering, his form rigid but unsteady, and the furrows on
+his brow ran into and crossed one another like the lines on a tragic
+mask. He was about to proceed, and I to protest against his doing so,
+when an incident occurred which relieved the tension and gave a new turn
+to the course of events.
+
+Mrs. Perryman, who had left the room when the farmer resumed the history
+of the Tall Hat, though not to go beyond the reach of hearing, now
+emerged from the shadows and said in a quiet voice, "Sam, stop talking a
+minute, and attend to business. Snarley Bob's at the back door, and
+wants to know if you're going to keep him waiting all night. He come for
+his wages at five o'clock, and it's struck six some time ago."
+
+"Give him a mug o' ale, and tell him to go home," said Sam.
+
+"I've given him two mugs already, and he says he must see you afore he
+goes."
+
+"Wait where you are," said Mr. Perryman to me, "and I'll be back in half
+a shake."
+
+The Perrymans withdrew together, leaving me alone. I listened to the
+voices in the next room and could distinguish those of the farmer and
+his wife, urgent but subdued. I could not hear the voice of Snarley Bob.
+Then I drew conclusions, and searched in the recesses of my memory for a
+forgotten clue. Gazing into the fire, I saw three separate strands of
+smoke roll themselves into a single column, and rush upwards into the
+darkness of the chimney. The thing acted as a stimulus to recollection,
+for it spoke of three human lives flowing onwards to the Unknown in a
+single stream of destiny: Mrs. Abel, Farmer Perryman, Snarley Bob--and
+further articulations would have followed had not the re-entry of the
+Perrymans disturbed the process and plunged it back beneath the
+threshold of consciousness. The farmer's wife sat down between us, in
+front of the fire.
+
+"I want to hear him finish the story of the Tall Hat," she said. "With
+me by he's less likely to put the frilling on."
+
+"Let's see--where was I?" said Perryman.
+
+"You'd come to the place where you met the parson and his lady in the
+churchyard," I said.
+
+"Ha, so I had," replied the farmer. "I can see her at this very minute
+just as she was. She looked----"
+
+"Never mind what she _looked_ like: tell us what she _said_,"
+interrupted Mrs. Perryman.
+
+"She says, 'Good-morning, Mr. Perryman. How much?'--looking 'ard at my
+'at all the time. I guessed she was up to some devilry, so I thought I
+would put her wrong a bit. 'A guinea, ma'am,' says I. She looks at my
+'at again and says, 'Mr. Perryman, you've been took in. Twelve-and-six
+would have been more than enough for that 'at.' 'Oh,' says I to myself,
+'you've been nosing round already, 'ave you?' I suppose I must have
+looked a bit foolish like--I'm sure I felt it,--but she didn't give me
+no time to speak. 'Wouldn't you like to have that guinea back in your
+pocket?' says she, putting a funny sound on the 'guinea.' 'Yes,' I says;
+'and, what's more, I mean to get it back.' 'Oh indeed,' says she, and a
+look come into her face as though she was putting two and two together.
+After a bit she says, 'Mr. Perryman, was that your trap that drove by
+about half-past seven last night?' 'Yes,' I says; and I might have known
+from that minute she was going to do a down on me.
+
+"However, I'd made up my mind how I was goin' to get that money back,
+and I wasn't goin' to change for nobody. You must understand there's a
+weekly offertory in our church. There was a lot of objection when Parson
+started it years ago. But, you see, he's always been a bit 'Igh." ("Much
+too High for me," here interposed Mrs. Perryman.) "Yes, I've warned him
+about it several times. 'Mr. Abel,' I says to him, 'you're 'Igh enough
+already. Now, you take my advice, and don't you get no 'Igher.' That was
+when he started the offertory.
+
+"Well, I'm the sort of man that when I gives, I gives. Ever since the
+offertory was begun my missis puts a two-shillin' piece into the
+waistcoat-pocket of my Sunday suit--don't you, Sally?" (Sally
+nodded)--"regular every Monday morning when she brushes my clothes, so
+there's no doubt about its being there when Sunday comes. That's for
+collection.
+
+"And now you can understand my plan. I'd made up to give one shillin'
+instead o' two, Sunday by Sunday, till I'd paid for my new box-hat.
+That's how I was goin' to get even with the Church.
+
+"I kep' it up regular for twelve weeks, counting 'em off one by one. I
+didn't bother about the sixpence. Meanwhile two or three other farmers,
+not wanting to be put in the shade by me--or more likely it was their
+missises--had begun to wear box-hats o' Sunday. There was Tom Henderson,
+who's no more fit to wear a box-hat than his bull is; and there was old
+Charley Shott--know him?--a man with a wonderful appetite for pig-meat
+is old Charley Shott. It would ha' made you die o' laughin' to see old
+Charley come shufflin' up the church just like this" (here the farmer
+executed an imitative _pas seul_), "sit down in his seat, and say his
+prayers into his box-hat same as I'm doing now." (He took Tall Hat the
+Second from the table, and poured--or rather puffed--an imaginary
+petition into its interior.)
+
+"Now, listen to what happened next. The very day after I'd put the last
+shillin' into the plate--that was three months, you must remember, after
+I'd bought the 'at--up comes a note from the cook at the Rectory, saying
+as the weekly order for butter was to be reduced from six pounds to
+five. 'I suppose it's because Master Norman's goin' to boarding school,'
+I says to the missis. 'Not it,' says she, 'one mouth more or less don't
+make no difference in a big household like that. Besides, they're not
+the people to cut it fine.' 'I wonder what it means,' I says. But I
+hadn't long to wait. About a fortnight later I met old Charley Shott and
+says to him, jokin' like, 'Well, Charley, how much did you pay for your
+Sunday box-hat?' 'Cost me nothing,' said Charley laughin'. 'I've run up
+a little bill against his Reverence for that 'at. And, what's more, I've
+made him pay it! By the way,' says he, 'what's become o' their appetites
+down at the Rectory? We've just received warnin' as no more poultry'll
+be wanted till further orders.' 'I don't know,' says I; but it was a
+lie, for it come over me in a flash what it all meant. Even then,
+however, I wasn't _quite_ sure.
+
+"However, it was twenty-one weeks before I got the final clearing-up.
+Thirty-three weeks to the very day, reckoning from the Saturday which I
+bought the 'at, comes another message from the Rectory: 'Please send six
+pounds of butter as before.'
+
+"Next day I went to church as usual. No sooner did Mr. Abel give out his
+text than I saw it all, plain as daylight. The text was something about
+'robbery of God.' There was not a thing I've told you about the 'at that
+was not put into that sermon. Of course, it was roundabout--all about
+pearls and precious stones and such like; but it was my box-hat he was
+driving at all the time. It was Solomon mostly as he talked about; but I
+nearly jumped out of my seat when he made Solomon shake his fist at the
+'Oly Temple on Mount Zion and say almost the very words as I said as I
+drove by the church that Saturday night. First he went for me, and then
+he went for Charley Shott, and I can tell you that he twisted the tails
+of both on us to a pretty tune! Says I to myself, 'Don't I know who's
+put you up to preaching that sermon?' And more than seven months gone
+since it happened! Think of that for a memory! And she sitting in her
+pew with a face as smooth as a dish o' cream.
+
+"Well, I was churchwarden that year, and of course had to take the plate
+round. When I comes to the Rector's pew I see Mrs. Abel openin' a little
+purse. First she takes out a sovereign, and then a shilling, and says to
+me, quite clear, as she dropped 'em into the plate, 'All right, Mr.
+Church, I'll be even with you yet! And here's another two pounds
+fifteen. You can tell Charley Shott and Tom Henderson, and all the lot
+on 'em, as they've paid for their Sunday 'ats. And give 'em all my kind
+regards.' Then she counts the money out as deliberate as if she were
+payin' the cook's wages, and drops it into the plate wi' a clatter as
+could be heard all over the church. She must ha' kep' me waitin' full
+two minutes, all the congregation starin' and wonderin' what was up, and
+me lookin' like a silly calf.
+
+"When I come out of church my wife says to me, 'Sam, what's that you and
+Mrs. Abel was whispering about?' 'You mind your own business,' I says,
+and for the first time since we were married we was very near coming to
+words."
+
+
+
+
+A GRAVEDIGGER SCENE
+
+
+It was Sunday evening, and the congregation had dispersed. I was
+making my way into the church to take a last look at a famous
+fourteenth-century tomb. Not a soul was visible; but the sound of a pick
+and the sight of fresh earth announced that the sexton was at work
+digging a grave. I walked to the spot. A bald head, the shining top of
+which was now level with the surface of the ground, raised the hope that
+he would prove to be a sexton of the old school. I was not disappointed.
+
+"Good evening," I said.
+
+"A good evening to you, sir," said the sexton, pausing in his work with
+the air of a man who welcomed an excuse to rest.
+
+"And whose grave is that you're digging?" I asked.
+
+"Old Sally Bloxham--mother to Tom Bloxham--him as keeps the 'Spotted
+Pig.' And a bad job for him as she's gone. If it hadn't been for old
+Sally he'd ha' drunk hisself to death long ago. And who may _you_ be?"
+he asked, as though realising that this sudden burst of confidential
+information was somewhat rash.
+
+"Oh, I'm nobody in particular. Just passing through and taking a look
+around."
+
+"Ah! there's lots as comes lookin' round, nowadays. More than there used
+to be. Why, bless your life, I remember the time when you nivver seed a
+soul in this village except the home-dwellers. And now there's bicycles
+and motor cars almost every day. Most on 'em just pokes their noses
+round, and then off they goes. Some wants to see the tomb inside, and
+then there's a big stone over an old doorway at the back o' the church,
+what they calls ''Arrowing o' 'Ell,' though _I_ don't know what it
+means. You've 'eard on it? Well, I suppose it's something wonderful; but
+_I_ could nivver see no 'Arrow and no 'Ell."
+
+"I'll tell you what, sexton," I said, noticing some obviously human
+bones in the earth at his graveside, "this churchyard needs a bit of new
+ground."
+
+"Ye're right there," said he, "it's needed that a good many years. But
+we can't get no new ground. Old Bob Cromwell as owns the lands on that
+side won't sell, and Lord ---- won't give, so wot are yer to do? Why, I
+do believe as there's hundreds and thousands of people buried in this
+little churchyard. It's a big parish, too, and they've been burying
+their dead here since nobody knows when. Bones? Why, in some parts
+there's almost as much bones as there is clay. Yer puts in one, and yer
+digs up two: that's about what it comes to. I sometimes says to my
+missis, 'I wonder who they'll dig up to make room for me.' 'Yes,' she
+says, 'and I wonder who you'll be dug up to make room for.' It's
+scandalous, that's what I says."
+
+"But does the law allow you to disturb these old graves?"
+
+"It does when they're old _enough_. But you can't be over particular in
+a place no bigger than this. Of course, we're a bit careful like. But
+ask no questions, and I'll tell yer no lies."
+
+"But this grave you're digging now; how long is it since the last
+interment was made in the same ground?"
+
+"Well, that's a pretty straight 'un. That's what I call coming to the
+point!--Thank 'ee, sir--and good luck to you and yours!--However, since
+you seem a plain-dealing gentleman I'll tell you summat as I wouldn't
+tell everybody. You poke your stick about in that soil over there, and
+you'll find some bits as belonged to Sam Wiggin's grandfather on his
+mother's side." (I poked my stick as directed.) "That's his tooth you've
+got now; but I won't swear to it, as things had got a bit mixed, no
+doubt, afore they put him in. Wait a bit, though. What's under that big
+lump at the end o' my spade?" (He reached out his spade and touched a
+clod; I turned it over and revealed the thing it hid: he examined it
+carefully.) "You see, you can generally tell after a bit o' practice
+what belongs to what. Putting two and two together--what with them bones
+coming up so regular, and that bit o' coffin furniture right on the top
+on 'em--I reckon we've struck 'im much as he was put down in '62."
+
+"Are none of his relatives living?" I asked.
+
+"Why, yes, of course they're living. Didn't I tell yer he was
+grandfather to Sam Wiggin--that's 'im as farms the Leasowes at t'other
+end of the village. What'll he say?--why, nothing o' course. Them as
+sees nothing, says nothing."
+
+"But," I said, "if Sam comes to church next Sunday he'll see his
+grandfather's bones sticking out all over this grave."
+
+"'Ow's 'e to know they're his grandfather's? There's no name on 'em,"
+said the sexton.
+
+"But surely he will remember that his grandfather was buried in this
+spot."
+
+"Not 'im! 'E don't bother 'is 'ead about grandfathers. Sam Wiggin!
+Doesn't know 'e ever had a grandfather. Somebody else might take it up?
+Not in this parish. Besides, we've all got used to it. Folks here is all
+mixed up wi' one another while they're living, so they don't mind
+gettin' a bit mixeder when they're dead."
+
+"But is the parson used to it along with the rest of you?"
+
+"Well, yer see, I allus clears up before he comes to bury--ribs and
+shins and big 'un's as won't break up. Skulls breaks up easy; you just
+catches them a snope with yer spade, and they splits up down the
+joinin'. Week afore last I dug up two beauties under that yew; anybody
+might a' kep' 'em for a museum. I've knowed them as would ha' done it,
+and sold 'em for eighteenpence apiece. But I couldn't bring my mind to
+it."
+
+"So you just broke them up, I suppose?"
+
+"No, I didn't. One on 'em belonged to a man as I once knowed; leastways
+I remember him as a young chap. He was underkeeper at the Hall. The
+young woman he wanted to marry wouldn't 'ave 'im, so he shot hisself wi'
+a rook gun. I knowed it was 'im by the 'ole in 'is 'ead, no bigger nor a
+pea. Just think o' that! No bigger nor a big pea, I tell yer, and as
+round as if it had been done wi' a punch. I told my missis about it when
+I went 'ome to my tea. I says, 'Do yer remember 'Arry Pole, the young
+keeper in the old lord's time, what shot hisself over that affair wi'
+Polly Towers?' 'Remember 'im?' she says. 'Why, I used to go out walking
+wi' 'im myself afore he took up wi' Polly.' 'I thought you did,' I says;
+'well, there's 'is skull. See that little 'ole in it, clean as if it had
+been cut wi' a punch? He never shot hisself, not 'e!' Why, bless yer
+heart, doesn't it stand to sense that if 'e'd done it 'isself, he'd
+a'most ha' blowed 'is 'ead off, leastways made a 'ole a lot bigger nor
+that? And wot's more, there'd ha' been a 'ole on the other side, and
+there wasn't any sign o' one."
+
+"But perhaps it wasn't 'Arry Pole's skull?"
+
+"Yes, it was. Why, where's the sense of its not bein'? I remember his
+bein' buried as if it was yesterday, and I knowed the spot quite well.
+And do you think it likely that two men 'ud be put in the same grave
+both wi' rook bullets in their 'eads? If it wasn't 'Arry Pole, who was
+it?"
+
+"But wasn't all this gone into at the inquest?"
+
+"Well, you see, it's over forty years since it 'appened; but I can
+remember as the 'ole were looked into, and there was a good deal o' talk
+at the time. There was two men as said they seed him wi' the gun in his
+hand, and a mournful look on his face, like. And so, what wi' one thing
+and another, when they couldn't find who else had killed him, they give
+the verdict as he must ha' killed hisself. So, you see, they made it out
+some'ow. But you'll never make me believe 'e did it 'isself--not after
+I've seen that 'ole."
+
+"I wonder who shot him," I said meditatively.
+
+"Yes, and you'll 'ave to go on wondering till the Judgment Day. You'll
+find out then. All I can tell yer is that it wasn't me, and it wasn't
+Polly Towers. However, when I found his skull I didn't break it as I do
+wi' most on 'em. I just kep' it in a bag and put it back when I filled
+in the grave.
+
+"But you were askin' me about Parson. Well, I telled him the state o'
+the churchyard when he come to the living. At first he took it pretty
+easy. 'Hide 'em as far as you can, Johnny,' he says to me. 'And remember
+there's this great consolation--they'll all be sorted out on the
+Judgment Day.'
+
+"But one day something 'appened as give Parson a pretty start. It was
+one of these chaps in motors, I reckon, as did it. I see him one
+Saturday night rootin' about the churchyard and lookin' behind them
+laurels where I used to pitch all the bits and bobs of bone as I see
+lying about. I've often wished I'd took the number on his motor, and
+then we'd ha' catched him fine! But he was a gentlemanly-looking young
+feller, and I didn't suspect nothing at the time.
+
+"Well, next morning, when Parson comes to read the Service, what do you
+think he found? Why, there was a man's thigh-bone, large as life, stuck
+in the middle of the big Prayer-Book at the Psalms for the day. Then,
+when he opens the Bible to read the lessons, blessed if there wasn't a
+coffin-plate, worn as thin as a sheet of paper, marking the place, Then
+he goes into the pulpit, and the first thing he sees was a jawbone full
+of teeth lyin' on the cushion; there was ribs in the book-rack; there
+was a tooth in his glass of water; there was bones everywhere--you never
+see such a sight in all yer life! The young man must ha' taken a
+basketful into the church. Some he put into the pews, some into the
+collectin' boxes, some under the cushions--you never knew where you were
+going to find 'em next!"
+
+"That was a blackguardly thing to do," I said. "The man who did it
+deserves the cat."
+
+"So he does," said Johnny. "But I can tell yer, it's made us more
+partikler ever since. Everything behind them laurel bushes was cleared
+out and buried next day, and, my eye, you wouldn't believe what a lot
+there was! Barrer-loads!
+
+"I'm told that when Lord ----, up at the Hall, heard on it, he nearly
+killed hisself wi' laughin'. There's some folks"--here Johnny lowered
+his voice--"there's some folks _as thinks that his lordship 'ad a 'and
+in it hisself_. Some says it was one of them wild chaps as 'e's allus
+got staying with him. That's more likely, in my opinion. But it wouldn't
+surprise me, just between you and me, to hear some day that his lordship
+was going to give us a bit o' new ground."
+
+
+
+
+HOW I TRIED TO ACT THE GOOD SAMARITAN
+
+
+One of the chief actors in the incident about to be related was a
+machine, and it is important that the reader should have this machine in
+his mind's eye. It was a motor-bicycle, furnished in the midst with a
+sputtering little engine, said to contain in its entrails the power of
+three horses and a half. To the side thereof was attached a small
+vehicle like a bath-chair, in which favoured friends of the writer are
+from time to time either permitted or invited to ride.
+
+On this occasion the bath-chair was empty, and a long journey was
+drawing to a close. It is true that at various periods of the day I had
+enjoyed the company of a passenger in this humble but lively little
+carriage. The first had been a clergyman, who, I believe, had invented a
+distant engagement for the sole purpose of inducing me to give him a
+ride in my car. To him there had succeeded a series of small boys,
+picked up in various villages, each of whom, at the conclusion of a
+brief but mad career through space, was duly dismissed with a penny and
+a strict injunction to be a good lad to his mother. The last lift had
+been given to an aged wayfarer whose weary and travel-stained appearance
+had excited my compassion. No sooner, however, was the machine under
+weigh than I discovered, in spite of my will to believe otherwise, that
+my passenger was suffering not from fatigue, but from intoxication. To
+get rid of him was no easy matter, and the employment of stratagem
+became necessary. What the stratagem was, I shall pass over; I will only
+say that it was not in accordance with any _recognised_ form of the
+categorical imperative. However, the ruse succeeded, and now, as I have
+said, the car was empty. Thus were concluded the prolegomena to that
+great act of altruism which was to crown the day.
+
+It was in a part of the country consecrated by the genius of a great
+novelist (as what part of England is not?) that these things took place.
+I found myself in the narrow streets of an ancient town--and it was
+market-day. The roadway was thronged with red-faced men and women; and
+flocks of sheep, herds of cattle and pigs, provided the motor-cyclist
+with a severe probation to the nerves. With much risk to myself, and not
+a little to other people, I emerged from this place of danger and
+joyfully swept over the bridge into the broad highway beyond the town.
+
+Turning a corner, I became suddenly aware that the road a hundred yards
+ahead was again blocked. Two carriers' carts, a brewer's waggon, and
+some other miscellaneous vehicles were drawn up anyhow in the road, and
+the drivers of these, having descended from their various perches, were
+gathered around a figure lying prostrate on the ground. I, too, alighted
+and forced my way into the group. In the midst was an old man, his
+countenance pallid as death, save where a broad stream of blood pouring
+from a gash two inches long, crimsoned his cheek from eye to chin. There
+was a great bruise on his temple, and again on the back of his head--for
+he had spun round in falling--was a lump the size of a pullet's first
+egg.
+
+"'Oss ran away and pitched him on the curb," said one whom I questioned.
+"He's dying," said another, "if not already dead." For myself, I turned
+sick at the sight; nevertheless, I could not help being struck by the
+vigorous actions and attitude of an old woman, who, armed with a bucket
+of water and a roller towel, seemed to be not merely bathing his wounds,
+but giving the whole man a bath. I also noted the figure of a clergyman,
+of whom all that I distinctly recall is that he had a tassel round his
+hat.
+
+"We must take him to the hospital," said I. "No," said an elderly man;
+"he'll be dead before you get him there. He's nearly gone already.
+Better fetch a doctor."
+
+"Has anybody got a bicycle?" said the clergyman in the slightly
+imperious accents of Keble College. "Yes," I replied, "I've got one, and
+just the sort of bicycle for this business, too." "You'd better fetch
+Ross," said the same voice, speaking once more in the tones which
+indicate conscious possession of the Last Word on Everything Whatsoever.
+"No," said the old woman, with enough defiance in her manner to frighten
+a Pope, "No, Ross's no good. Fetch Conklin." "All right," I said; "if
+one of you will show me where Conklin lives, I'll fetch him in a brace
+of shakes."
+
+Instantly the whole company, saving only the parson and the old woman,
+volunteered. Selecting one who seemed of lighter weight than the rest
+(he was a boy), I jumped up, called to my three horses, yoked up the
+half-horse (kept in reserve for great occasions), and, letting all loose
+at once, drove at top speed in the direction of Conklin's abode.
+
+Then was seen in the streets of that old town such a scurrying and
+scattering, both of men and beast, as the world has not beheld since the
+most desperate moments of John Gilpin's ride. Back over the bridge,
+where Cavaliers and Roundheads once stood at push of pike for fifty
+minutes by "the towne clocke"; through the market-place, where the
+cheap-jack ceased lying that he might regard us; past the policeman at
+the Cross (slower at this point); up the steep gradient of the High
+Street; right through a flock of geese (illustrious bird! who not only
+warnest great cities of impending ruin, but keepest thyself out of
+harm's way better than any four-footed beast of the field), we drove our
+headlong course; and, in less time than this paragraph has taken to
+write I stood on the doorstep, of the doctor's house. In another minute
+I had seen him and told my tale.
+
+The doctor received my gushings with perfect impassivity, and responded
+with the merest apology for a grunt. But the repeated allusion to
+flowing blood seemed at last to rouse him. He seized a black bag that
+stood on the table, thrust in the necessary tackle, and said, "Come
+along."
+
+In the race back to the Field of Blood, I had no leisure to analyse the
+structure of Conklin's mind. But a few remarks which he shouted in my
+ear revealed the fact that his interests were by no means confined to
+the performance of professional duty. I could not help wondering what
+Ross was like. If any reader should be taken suddenly ill while staying
+in that town, my advice, formed mainly on negative data, would be to
+send for Ross during the acute stage of the malady, and to try Conklin's
+treatment in convalescence. Or, better still, call them both in at once,
+and then take your choice.
+
+These mental observations were scarcely completed when a turn in the
+road brought us in sight of our goal. Will the reader believe me when I
+tell him that the goal seemed to have vanished? I could scarcely believe
+it myself. Not a soul was to be seen. Stare as I would, no human form,
+living or dead, prostrate or upright, wounded or whole, answered to my
+gaze. Men, horses, and carts--all were gone! The whole insubstantial
+pageant had faded, leaving not a wrack behind.
+
+"This is the place," I said to Conklin; "but the man has disappeared."
+For answer, he looked fixedly into the pupil of my left eye, expecting,
+no doubt, to find there unmistakable signs of lunacy. "Wait a bit," I
+cried, divining his thoughts; "here's somebody who will clear it up."
+And I pointed to a cottage-door at which I suddenly espied the old woman
+whose handling of the roller-towel had so impressed me. "Where," I
+shouted, addressing her, "where is the wounded man?" "Took away," was
+the laconic reply. "Took away!" I said; "and who has had the impudence
+to take him away?"
+
+"Why," said the old woman, "you hadn't been gone more'n two minutes when
+his niece--her as keeps his house--comes driving home in a big cart.
+'Hello!' she says, 'blest if that isn't Uncle Fred!' 'Yes,' says one of
+'em, 'and got it pretty badly this time, I can tell yer. There's a
+gentleman just gone to fetch Conklin.' 'Conklin?' says she. 'I'll
+Conklin 'im! Who do you think's going to pay 'im? Not _me_! Let 'im as
+fetches 'im pay 'im. 'Ere,' she says, 'some of yer help to put this old
+man on the bottom of my cart, and look sharp, or Conklin'll be here in a
+minute.' So they shoves the poor old thing on to the floor of the cart
+with a sack of 'taters to keep him steady, and Eliza--that's her
+name--'its the 'oss with a long stick as she carried instead of a whip,
+sets off at full gallop, and was out of sight almost before you could
+say so. Somebody else took the old man's pony, and the rest of 'em all
+made off as fast as they could."
+
+"And what did that clergyman do?" I asked.
+
+"Jumped on his bicycle and went 'ome to his tea," said the old woman.
+
+"The sneak!" I cried.
+
+"You couldn't ha' used a better word," said the old woman, "and there's
+plenty of people in this parish who'd be glad to hear you say it. And
+the worst of it is, there's plenty more like him!" This last was shouted
+with great emphasis, perhaps with a view to Conklin's edification, but
+at all events with the air of a person who could produce supporting
+evidence were such to be demanded.
+
+There was a pause, and I endeavoured to collect my thoughts. "Doctor," I
+said, making a desperate attempt to get as near the Good Samaritan as
+these untoward developments rendered possible, "Doctor, what's your
+fee?"
+
+"The expression on your face is the best fee I've had for a long time,"
+said the doctor; "I'm sorry I didn't bring my kodak."
+
+"Doctor Conklin," I resumed, "I'll tell you one thing. You and this old
+lady are the only members of the company who carry away an untarnished
+reputation from this episode. As for me, I have been made a perfect fool
+of. As for the rest of them,"--I waited for words to come, and, finally
+lapsing into melodrama, said--"as for the rest of them, I leave them to
+the company of their own consciences."
+
+"There's one of 'em as hasn't got any," said the old woman.
+
+
+
+
+"MACBETH" AND "BANQUO" ON THE BLASTED HEATH
+
+
+The scene was the top of a lofty hill in Northamptonshire, crossed by
+the high road to London. The time, late afternoon of a dark and
+thunderous day in July.
+
+I had journeyed many miles that day--on wheels, according to the fashion
+of this age--and had passed and overtaken hundreds, literally hundreds,
+of tramps. With some of these I had already conversed as we sheltered
+from recurrent storms under hedges or wayside trees; and I had
+committed, with a joyful conscience, all the vices of indiscriminate
+charity.
+
+But now the rain came on in earnest. Blacker and blacker grew the skies,
+and, just as I reached the top of this shelterless hill, the windows of
+heaven were opened, and the flood burst.
+
+No house was in sight. But, looking round me, in that spirit of despair
+bred of black weather and a wet skin, I saw, in a large bare field, a
+shepherd's box--a thing on wheels, large enough, perhaps, to accommodate
+a prosperous vendor of ice-cream. Abandoning my iron friend to the cold
+mercies of the ditch, I scaled the wall, crossed the field, and dived
+into the dry interior of the box. At one bound I entered into full
+possession of the freedom of Diogenes in his tub, with no Alexander to
+bother me. The absolute seclusion of the country was all my own.
+
+The box was closed by a half-door, with an aperture above facing towards
+the road. Had the animal inside possessed four legs instead of two, his
+body would have filled the box, and his head would have projected into
+the rain. Though my head was inside, I could see well enough what was
+going on in the road. Presently there passed two cyclists--a young man
+and woman--racing through the storm. I shouted to them, but my voice was
+drowned in the din. Some minutes elapsed, during which I had the company
+of my thoughts. Then suddenly there appeared on the wall the incarnate
+figures of two tramps, unquestionably such. They had seen the box, and
+were making tracks for it with all their might.
+
+I confess that for a moment my spirit quailed within me. Seen at that
+distance, the newcomers looked ugly customers; they had me in a trap,
+and, had I possessed pistols, I verily believe that I should have
+"looked to the priming." But, having no alternatives of that kind before
+me, necessity determined the policy I was to pursue, and I resolved at
+once for a friendly attitude. Waiting till the tramps were well within
+hearing, I thrust my head from the aforesaid aperture and cried aloud as
+follows:
+
+"Walk up, gentlemen! It's my annual free day. No charge for seats."
+
+Macbeth and Banquo were not more affrighted by the apparition of witches
+on the blasted heath than were these two individuals when they heard the
+voice from the box, and saw the face of him that spake. They stopped
+dead, stared, and, though I won't give this on oath, turned pale. I
+believe they were genuinely scared.
+
+Presently one of them--say Macbeth--broke into a loud and merry laugh.
+The sound of it was worth more to me at that moment than a sheaf of
+testimonials, for I remembered Carlyle's dictum that there is nothing
+irremediably wrong with any man who can utter a hearty laugh.
+
+"All right, guvnor," came the reply, "we'll take two stalls in the front
+row."
+
+"Good!" I replied. "Wire just received from the Prince and Princess of
+Wales resigning their seats! Bring your own opera-glasses, and don't
+forget the fans."
+
+"Got 'em both," said Macbeth.
+
+A moment later I found myself in close physical proximity to two of the
+dirtiest rascals in Christendom. A reconciler of opposites, bent on
+knocking our heads together, would have had an easy task, for there was
+not more than eight inches between them. Misfortunes are said to bring
+out the fragrance of noble natures, and I can testify that the wetting
+these men had received most effectually brought out the fragrance of
+theirs. And the ventilation was none too good.
+
+The language in which the newcomers proceeded to introduce themselves
+was not of the kind usually printed, though it had a distinctly
+theological tinge. More strenuous blasphemy I have never heard on
+land--or sea.
+
+The introductions concluded--they were sufficient--Macbeth, as though
+suddenly recollecting an interrupted train of thought, broke out: "Say,
+mister, did yer see them two go by on bicycles just now?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Well, I see 'em, quarter of a mile oop the road, crouching oonder
+t'hedge"--he spoke Yorkshire[4]--"wet to skin, and she nowt on but a
+cotton blouse. So I sez to her, 'My dear, ye'll get yer death o' cold,'
+'Yes,' she says, 'and me with a weak chest.' Pore young thing, I'm fair
+sorry for her. I towd t'young man to tek his co-at off and put it
+ra-ownd her. 'That'll do no good,' he sez; 'she's wet through a'ready.'
+'Well,' I sez, 'she's not been wet through all her life, has she? Why
+didn't you put it on her while she were dry? Sense? You've got no more
+sense nor a blind rabbit.' But it was no good. My! What rain! Nivver see
+nothing like it. They'll be fair drownded. I think I'll go and fetch 'em
+in. Holy potatoes!" (Will anyone explain this expression? It was evoked
+by a crash of thunder which burst immediately above the box and seemed
+to hurl us into space.)
+
+[Footnote 4: The reader who would get the full flavour of Macbeth's
+conversation should translate it, if he can, into a broad Yorkshire
+dialect. This I have indicated here and there by the spelling of a word,
+which is as far as, or perhaps farther than, my own competence extends.]
+
+"No good fetching 'em in now," I replied, taking a point of view which I
+afterwards saw to have been that of the Priest and the Levite. "They'd
+suffer more damage getting here than staying where they are. Besides,
+where would you put 'em?"
+
+"That's trew," said Macbeth. "This ain't no place for ladies, anyhow."
+(It wasn't!) "But just think of that pore young thing--nowt on, I tell
+yer, but a cotton blouse. Hello! there's a cart coming. I'll tell t'man
+to tek 'em oop."
+
+Out jumped Macbeth into the pelting rain, and presently I heard him
+shouting to the man in charge: "Hey, mister! There's a young man and
+woman crouching under t'hedge oop t'ro-ad. She nowt on but a cotton
+blouse! It isn't sa-afe, yer know, in this thoonder and lightnin'. Tek
+her oop, and put a sack or two on her."
+
+I gathered the result of the interview was satisfactory to Macbeth, for
+presently he came back, steaming, into the box. For some minutes he
+continued to mutter with the thunder, about "poor young things," "cotton
+blouses," and "weak chests."
+
+But the altruistic passion in the man had spent itself for the moment,
+and now the conversation began to take other forms. Banquo began to
+enter into the dialogue. His contributions so far had been mainly
+interjectory and blasphemous--a department of which he was obviously a
+more versatile exponent than the other, who was by no means a 'prentice
+hand. And here I must note a curious thing. Whether it was that the box
+afforded no proper theatre for exhibiting the natural dignity of my
+carriage, or that the light was not good, or that I am a ruffian at
+heart and had been caught at an unguarded moment--whatever the true
+cause may have been, I am certain that up to this moment my two
+companions had no suspicion that I was not a tramp like themselves.
+
+It was Banquo who unmasked the truth. His mind was less preoccupied with
+the sufferings of the "poor young thing," and no doubt had been taking
+observations. The result of these he proceeded to communicate to Macbeth
+by a series of nudges and winks which, in the close proximity of the
+moment, I felt rather than saw. On the whole, I am sorry that their
+first delusion--if, indeed, it was a delusion, of which I am genuinely
+doubtful--was not maintained. However, the discovery opened the way to
+fresh developments. They ceased to address me as "Johnny," "Old Joker,"
+or something worse; ceased swearing, for which, lover of originality as
+I am, I was thankful; and began generally to pay me the respect due to
+the fact that the soles of my boots were intact. Theirs were in a very
+different condition.
+
+I can't disguise that there was something like an awkward pause. But I
+exerted myself to bridge the chasm, and, thanks to them rather than to
+me, it was bridged.
+
+"Where are you going to-night?" I asked as soon as the _modus vivendi_
+was assured.
+
+"Ain't going nowhere in particular," said Banquo. "We just go anywhere."
+
+"What!" I said, "don't you know where you'll pass the night?"
+
+"Well, it's just this way," returned the other. "Me and my mate here are
+musicians, and we just go this way and that according to where the
+publics are. It's in the publics we makes what living we gets--singing
+in the bars and cadging for drink and coppers."
+
+"And a bloomin' shame we should have to do it!" chimed in Macbeth. "But
+what can yer do? My trade's a mason; Leeds is where I come from; but
+when they're short of work, if you've got _two_ grey hairs and another
+chap's got only _one_, you gets the sack, and has to live as best yer
+can.
+
+"God knows I don't want this beastly life. But it's a good thing I've
+got it to turn to. Most on 'em has nowt but their trades, and them's the
+ones as has to starve. But me and my mate here happens to be moosical.
+Used to sing in St. ---- Church in Leeds. Leading bass, I was--a bit
+irregular, I'll own, and that's why they wouldn't keep me on. My mate
+plays the cornet. He used to be in the band of the ---- Fusiliers.
+Served in South Africa, he did, and got a sock in the face from a shell;
+yer can see the 'ole under his eye. Good thing it didn't 'it him in the
+ma-outh, or he wouldn't ha' been able to play the cornet any more. Know
+Yorkshire, mister?"
+
+I replied that I did.
+
+"Well, if yer knows Yorkshire, yer knows there's plenty of music up
+there. They can tell music, when they hear it, in Yorkshire, _that_ they
+can! But these caownties down here, why, the people knows no more about
+music nor pigs. They can't tell the difference between a man what really
+_can_ sing and one of these 'ere 'owlin' 'umbugs that goes draggin'
+little children up and daown t' streets. That sort makes more money than
+we does. And I tell you, him 'ere"--indicating Banquo--"is a good cornet
+player. 'Ere, Banquo, fetch it out o' your pocket, lad, and play the
+gentleman a toon."
+
+As far as I could judge, Banquo's pocket was situated somewhere in the
+middle of his back, for it was from a region in that quarter, where I
+had already felt a hard excrescence, due as I might have thought to an
+unextracted cannon-ball received in South Africa, that the cornet was
+produced.
+
+"Play the gentleman 'The Merry Widder,'" said Macbeth, "and wait till
+the thunder's stopped rolling before you begin."
+
+The "Merry Widder" was well and duly played, and fully bore out
+Macbeth's eulogy of the player. It was followed by something from
+_Maritana_, and other things which I forget. Though the mouth of the
+trumpet was only a few inches from the drum of my ear, yet the din of
+the rain on the roof was such that the effect was not unpleasant--at all
+events, it was a welcome relief from the frightful strains on the
+olfactory organ. The man, I say, was a good player, and I remember
+wishing, as I listened to him, that there was anything in life that I
+could do half as well.
+
+As he finished one of his selections, the gloom deepened, it became
+almost as dark as night, the rain ceased for a moment, and there was
+silence; and then there shot in upon us a blast of fire and a bolt of
+thunder, so near and so overwhelming that I verily believe it was a
+narrow escape from death.
+
+"That's something to put the fear of God into a man," said Macbeth, as
+the volley rolled into distance. "My crikey! But I've heard say, mister,
+that the thunder is the voice of the wrath of God."
+
+"I'm sure it is," I replied.
+
+"Sounds like it anyhow. I wonder if that there chap with the cart has
+got the young woman under cover. She'll be scared out of her life. Eh,
+but isn't it dark? It might be half-past ten. Here, matey"--to
+Banquo--"let's have something in keepin' loike. Give us 'Lead, Kindly
+Light,' lad, on t' cornet, and I'll sing the bass. I want t' gentleman
+to hear my voice."
+
+The hymn was sung in a voice as good as some that have made great
+fortunes, but with a depth of emotion which occasionally spoilt the
+notes; and I can say little more than that the singing, in that strange
+setting, with muttering thunder for an undertone, was a thing I shall
+not forget.
+
+"Do you know anything about that hymn?" said Macbeth (the tears made
+watercourses down his dirty face) when it was over.
+
+"Yes," I said, "a little."
+
+"But I know _all_ about it," replied Macbeth. "Him as wrote that hymn
+was Cardinal Newman. They say he wrote it at sea, maybe he wrote it in a
+storm--like this. He was a Protestant, and was just turning into a
+Catholic. Didn't know whether he would or whether he wouldn't, loike.
+That's what he means when he says, 'Lead, Kindly Light.' He was i' th'
+dark, and wanted lightin'. It was _all_ dark, don't you see, just loike
+it is naow."
+
+Some minutes elapsed, during which neither Banquo nor I said a word. I
+stole a glance at the "'ole under his eye," and saw that it was no
+laughing matter to "get a sock in the face from a shell." The human
+profile, on that side, had virtually disappeared; jaw and cheek-bone
+were smashed in; there was neither nostril nor ear; the lower eyelid was
+missing; the eye itself was evidently sightless, and a constant trickle
+of tears ran down into the hideous scar below.
+
+I thought of this man wandering over the earth, abhorred of all
+beholders; I thought of the music he managed to make with the remnant of
+his mutilated face; I thought also of the rigour of Destiny and the
+kindliness of Death. I remember the words running in my head, "He hath
+no form nor comeliness. Yet he was wounded for our transgressions, and
+the chastisement of our peace was upon him."
+
+I averted my glance, but not before Banquo had discovered that I was
+looking at him. "Ha," he said; "you're lookin' at my face. It's a
+beauty, isn't it? They ought to put it on the board outside the
+recruitin' stations, as a sort of inducement to good-lookin' young men.
+Help to make the Army popular wi' the young women, don't you see?
+'George, why don't you join the Army and get a face like that? You'd be
+worth lookin' at then.' Can't you hear 'em saying it? Oh, yes, I'm proud
+o' my face, _that_ I am! So's my old gal. That's why she left me and the
+kids the day I come home--never seen her since. Every time I draws my
+pension I says to myself, 'Bill, my lad, that face o' yours is cheap at
+the price. Keep up your pecker, my hearty; you'll make yer fortune when
+Mr. Barnum sees yer! It's a bloomin' good investment, that's what I
+calls it. Give yer a sort o' start in life. Makes folks glad to see yer
+when you drops in to tea. And then I'm always feelin' as though I wanted
+to have my photograph taken--and that's nice, too. So you see takin' it
+all round, it's quite a blessin' to have a face like mine."
+
+I was silent, not knowing what to say. Banquo went on:
+
+"I thought when I come out o' the 'orspital as it were all up wi'
+playin' the cornet. But I made up my mind as I'd try. So I kep' up
+practice all the way home from the Cape, and when we got to Southampton
+I could just manage to blow into the mouthpiece. It hurt a bit, too, I
+can tell you. You see, I can only play on one side o' my mouth--like
+this. But I got used to it after a time; and now I can play a'most as
+well wi' half a mouth as I used to do wi' a whole un."
+
+Again I was silent, for there was a tangle of thoughts in my mind, and
+behind it all a vague, uncomfortable sense that I was come to judgment.
+From this sprang a sudden resolve to change the subject, which was
+unpleasant to me in more senses than one. So I said, after the pause,
+"What about your pension?"
+
+"Pension, did you say? Well, you see, sir, I've been in a bit o' trouble
+since I come home. There was a kind old gent as give me three months in
+the choke-hole for not behavin' quite as handsome as I ought to. 'It'll
+spile all my good looks, your Worship,' I says when he sentenced me.
+'Remove the prisoner, officer!' he says; and I thinks to myself, 'I'd
+like to remove _you_, old gentleman, and see what you'd look like on a
+hammynition waggon, wi' two dead pals under your nose, and a pom-pom
+shell a-burstin' in your ear-'ole.' But I've had one good friend,
+anyhow; and I don't want a better--and that's him there" (indicating
+Macbeth). "He's a _man_, he is! I can tell you one thing!--if it hadn't
+been for him there, I'd ha' sent the other half o' my head to look for
+the first long ago--and that's the truth!"
+
+While this conversation was proceeding Macbeth, _more suo_, continued to
+mutter like a man in a troubled dream, now humming a bar of the tune,
+now drawling out a phrase from the words, "O'er moor and fen, o'er crag
+and torrent, till the night is gone"--this, I believe, he repeated
+several times, lighting his pipe in the intervals and spitting out of
+the door. Then he went on more articulately: "Rum go, ain't it--me
+singing that hymn in a place like this? Sung it in church 'undreds o'
+times. We give it sometimes in the streets. It's part of our
+_répertoire_" (he pronounced this word quite correctly). "But I can't
+help makin' a babby o' mysen whenever I think o' what it means. I don't
+think of it, as a rewle. I should break down if I did; like as I nearly
+did just naow. Oh Lor'! I can get on all right till I comes to th' end.
+It's them 'angel faces' wot knocks the stuffing out o' _me_!"
+
+"Same 'ere," I replied; and I put my head out of the aperture for a
+breath of fresh air.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    "When shall we three meet again
+    In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"
+
+
+END
+
+      *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+VIOLA BURHANS'S THE CAVE-WOMAN
+
+
+A novel of to-day that commences in a cave so dark that the hero can see
+nothing of the woman he meets there. It ends in the same cave, and much
+of the action occurs in and near a neighboring summer hotel. Robbery and
+mystery, as well as love, figure in the plot.
+
+     "An excellent detective.... The action moves quickly.... Many
+     sidelights fall upon newspaperdom, and the author tells her story
+     cleverly."--_Boston Herald._
+
+     "The most delightful of grown-up fairy-tales of modern times....
+     The characters ... are finely various and their conversations
+     piquantly fresh and edifying ... a dramatic climax of great
+     strength and beauty ... clean, clever, captivating."--_The Boston
+     Common._
+
+     "A very charming, very elusive and quite modern young lady ... a
+     very delightful story."--_Bellman._
+
+
+M. LITTLE'S AT THE SIGN OF THE BURNING BUSH
+
+A novel of such universal human appeal that locality makes little
+difference. It starts as a satire on Scotch divinity students, tho there
+is said to be "not a word of preaching in it".
+
+     "Characters drawn with a sure hand, and with unusual subtlety. The
+     story broadens and strikes deep roots into human nature and human
+     life ... a story that seems as if it might have been made out of
+     the real experiences of flesh and blood, told with humor that is
+     sometimes biting and sometimes gentle, and with very great
+     humanness."--_The New York Times Review._
+
+
+GERTRUDE HALL'S THE UNKNOWN QUANTITY
+
+A young widow comes to New York to investigate various business
+interests of her late husband, and finds herself face to face at the
+outset with the two most vital problems of a woman's life.
+
+     "Her people are alive. They linger in the imagination."--_Boston
+     Transcript._
+
+     "Seeing life with sincerity and truth ... she has a rather big idea
+     for a working basis."--_The Bookman._
+
+     "Retains the charmed interest ... the quiet, thoughtful style, and
+     the vivid, if restrained, humanity. The tale is so natural, so
+     lifelike.... The author's evident faith in the eternal rightness of
+     things."--_Chicago Record-Herald._
+
+
+GEORGE GARY EGGLESTON'S RECOLLECTIONS OF A VARIED LIFE
+
+By the author of "A Rebel's Recollections," "Captain Sam," "A Daughter
+of the South," "Long Knives," etc. With portrait.
+
+These reminiscences of the veteran author and editor are rich in fields
+so wide apart as the experiences of a Hoosier schoolmaster (the basis
+for the well-known story), a young man's life in Virginia before the
+War, a Confederate soldier, a veteran in the literary life of New York.
+
+"Jeb Stuart," "Fitz Lee," Beauregard, Grant, Frank R. Stockton, John
+Hay, Stedman, Bryant, Parke Godwin, "Mark Twain," Gosse, Pulitzer,
+Laffan, and Schurz, are among the many who appear.
+
+The author was born at Vevay, Indiana, 1839, practiced law in Virginia;
+served in the Confederate Army, was Literary Editor of the _New York
+Evening Post_ for 6 years, Editor of the _Commercial Advertiser_ (now
+the _Globe_); and for 11 years Editorial writer for _The World_.
+
+     "There are few American men of letters whose reminiscences would
+     seem to promise more. The man's experiences cover so wide a period;
+     he has had such exceptional opportunities of seeing interesting men
+     and events at first hand."--_Bookman._
+
+     "Has approached the emergencies of life with courage and relish ...
+     qualities that make for readableness ... this autobiography,
+     despite a tendency to anecdotal divagations ... is thoroughly
+     entertaining."--_Nation._
+
+     "Told with the convincing force of actual experience ... has all
+     the excellences, and not many of the defects, of the trained
+     journalist ... tells us rapidly and effectively what sort of a life
+     he has led ... full of interest."--_Dial._
+
+     "Its cozily intimate quality.... One of those books which the
+     reviewer begins to mark appreciatively for quotation, only to
+     discover ere long that he cannot possibly find room for half the
+     passages selected."--_New York Tribune._
+
+     "Very pleasant are these reviews of the days that are
+     gone."--_Sun._
+
+     "He has much to say and says it graphically."--_Times-Review._
+
+     "The most charming and useful of his many books ... sympathetic,
+     kindly, humorous, and confidential talk ... laughable anecdotes ...
+     a keen observer's and critic's comment on more than half a century
+     of American development."--_Hartford Courant._
+
+     "Seldom does one come upon so companionable a volume of
+     reminiscences ... the author has good materials galore and presents
+     them with so kindly a humor that one never wearies of his chatty
+     history ... the whole volume is genial in spirit and eminently
+     readable."--_Chicago Record-Herald._
+
+     "Deserves to rank high in the literature of American autobiography,
+     even though that literature boasts the masterpiece of Benjamin
+     Franklin."--_San Francisco Argonaut._
+
+
+WILLIAM DE MORGAN'S JOSEPH VANCE
+
+A touching story, yet full of humor, of lifelong love and heroic
+sacrifice. While the scene is mostly in and near the London of the
+fifties, there are some telling glimpses of Italy, where the author
+lives much of the time.
+
+     "The book of the last decade; the best thing in fiction since Mr.
+     Meredith and Mr. Hardy; must take its place as the first great
+     English novel that has appeared in the twentieth century."--Lewis
+     Melville in _New York Times Saturday Review_.
+
+     "If the reader likes both 'David Copperfield' and 'Peter Ibbetson,'
+     he can find the two books in this one."--_The Independent._
+
+
+WILLIAM DE MORGAN'S ALICE-FOR-SHORT
+
+This might paradoxically be called a genial ghost-and-murder story, yet
+humor and humanity again dominate, and the most striking element is the
+touching love story of an unsuccessful man. The reappearance in
+Nineteenth Century London of the long-buried past, and a remarkable case
+of suspended memory, give the dramatic background.
+
+     "Really worth reading and praising ... will be hailed as a
+     masterpiece. If any writer of the present era is read a half
+     century hence, a quarter century, or even a decade, that writer is
+     William De Morgan."--_Boston Transcript._
+
+     "It is the Victorian age itself that speaks in those rich,
+     interesting, over-crowded books.... Will be remembered as Dickens'
+     novels are remembered."--_Springfield Republican._
+
+
+WILLIAM DE MORGAN'S SOMEHOW GOOD
+
+The purpose and feeling of this novel are intense, yet it is all
+mellowed by humor, and it contains perhaps the author's freshest and
+most sympathetic story of young love. Throughout its pages the "God be
+praised evil has turned to good" of the old Major rings like a trumpet
+call of hope. This story of to-day tells of a triumph of courage and
+devotion.
+
+     "A book as sound, as sweet, as wholesome, as wise, as any in the
+     range of fiction."--_The Nation._
+
+     "Our older novelists (Dickens and Thackeray) will have to look to
+     their laurels, for the new one is fast proving himself their equal.
+     A higher quality of enjoyment than is derivable from the work of
+     any other novelist now living and active in either England or
+     America."--_The Dial._
+
+
+WILLIAM DE MORGAN'S IT NEVER CAN HAPPEN AGAIN
+
+This novel turns on a strange marital complication, and is notable for
+two remarkable women characters, the pathetic girl Lizarann and the
+beautiful Judith Arkroyd, with her stage ambitions. Lizarann's father,
+Blind Jim, is very appealingly drawn, and shows rare courage and
+devotion despite cruel handicaps. There are strong dramatic episodes,
+and the author's inevitable humor and optimism.
+
+     "De Morgan at his very best, and how much better his best is than
+     the work of any novelist of the past thirty years."--_Independent._
+
+     "There has been nothing at all like it in our day. The best of our
+     contemporary novelists ... do not so come home to our business and
+     our bosoms ... his method ... is very different in most important
+     respects from that of Dickens. He is far less the showman, the
+     dashing prestidigitator ... more like Thackeray ... precisely what
+     the most 'modern' novelists are striving for--for the most part in
+     vain ... most enchanting ... infinitely lovable and
+     pathetic."--_The Nation._
+
+     "Another long delightful voyage with the best English company ...
+     from Dukes to blind beggars ... you could make out a very good case
+     for handsome Judith Arkroyd as an up-to-date Ethel Newcome ... the
+     stuff that tears in hardened and careless hearts are made of ...
+     singularly perceiving, mellow, wise, charitable, humorous ... a
+     plot as well defined as if it were a French farce."--_The Times
+     Saturday Review._
+
+     "The characters of Blind Jim and Lizarann are wonderful--worthy of
+     Dickens at his best."--Professor William Lyon Phelps, of Yale,
+     author of "Essays on Modern Novelists."
+
+
+WILLIAM DE MORGAN'S AN AFFAIR OF DISHONOR
+
+A dramatic story of England in the time of the Restoration. It commences
+with a fatal duel, and shows a new phase of its remarkable author. The
+movement is fairly rapid, and the narrative absorbing, with occasional
+glints of humor.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Mad Shepherds, by L. P. Jacks
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MAD SHEPHERDS ***
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+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Mad Shepherds, by L. P. Jacks
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Mad Shepherds
+       and Other Human Studies
+
+Author: L. P. Jacks
+
+Illustrator: L. Leslie Brooke
+
+Release Date: February 24, 2010 [EBook #31386]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MAD SHEPHERDS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Mary Meehan and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+<h1>MAD SHEPHERDS</h1>
+
+<h3><i>AND OTHER HUMAN STUDIES</i></h3>
+
+<h2>BY L. P. JACKS</h2>
+
+
+<h4>WITH FRONTISPIECE BY<br />
+L. LESLIE BROOKE</h4>
+
+<h4>NEW YORK<br />
+HENRY HOLT AND COMPANY<br />
+1910</h4>
+
+<h4>THIS BOOK<br />
+IS DEDICATED TO<br />
+SIR ROBERT BALL<br />
+LL.D., F.R.S.</h4>
+
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<div class="figcenter">
+<img src="images/frontis.jpg" alt=""/>
+</div>
+
+<h3>"SNARLEY BOB"</h3>
+<h4>From a Drawing by L. Leslie Brooke</h4>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>CONTENTS</h2>
+
+<!-- Autogenerated TOC. Modify or delete as required. -->
+<p>
+<a href="#SHOEMAKER_HANKIN">SHOEMAKER HANKIN</a><br />
+<a href="#SNARLEY_BOB_ON_THE_STARS">SNARLEY BOB ON THE STARS</a><br />
+<a href="#SNARLEYCHOLOGY_I">"SNARLEYCHOLOGY I. THEORETICAL"</a><br />
+<a href="#SNARLEYCHOLOGY_II">"SNARLEYCHOLOGY II. EXPERIMENTAL"</a><br />
+<a href="#A_MIRACLE_I">A MIRACLE, I</a><br />
+<a href="#A_MIRACLE_II">A MIRACLE, II</a><br />
+<a href="#SHEPHERD_TOLLER_O_CLUN_DOWNS">SHEPHERD TOLLER O' CLUN DOWNS</a><br />
+<a href="#SNARLEY_BOBS_INVISIBLE_COMPANION">SNARLEY BOB'S INVISIBLE COMPANION</a><br />
+<a href="#THE_DEATH_OF_SNARLEY_BOB">THE DEATH OF SNARLEY BOB</a><br />
+<a href="#FARMER_PERRYMANS_TALL_HAT">FARMER PERRYMAN'S TALL HAT</a><br />
+<a href="#A_GRAVEDIGGER_SCENE">A GRAVEDIGGER SCENE</a><br />
+<a href="#HOW_I_TRIED_TO_ACT_THE_GOOD_SAMARITAN">HOW I TRIED TO ACT THE GOOD SAMARITAN</a><br />
+<a href="#MACBETH_AND_BANQUO_ON_THE_BLASTED_HEATH">"MACBETH" AND "BANQUO" ON THE BLASTED HEATH</a><br /><br />
+<a href="#OTHER_BOOKS_TO_READ">OTHER BOOKS TO READ</a><br />
+</p>
+<!-- End Autogenerated TOC. -->
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<p>There is nothing that so embases and enthralls the Souls of men, as the
+dismall and dreadfull thoughts of their own Mortality, which will not
+suffer them to look beyond this short span of Time, to see an houres
+length before them, or to look higher than these material Heavens; which
+though they could be stretch'd forth to infinity, yet would the space be
+too narrow for an enlightened mind, that will not be confined within the
+compass of corporeal dimensions. These black Opinions of Death and the
+Non-entity of Souls (darker than Hell it self) shrink up the free-born
+Spirit which is within us, which would otherwise be dilating and
+spreading it self boundlessly beyond all Finite Being: and when these
+sorry pinching mists are once blown away, it finds this narrow sphear of
+Being to give way before it; and having once seen beyond Time and
+Matter, it finds then no more ends nor bounds to stop its swift and
+restless motion. It may then fly upwards from one heaven to another,
+till it be beyond all orbe of Finite Being, swallowed up in the
+boundless Abyss of Divinity, [Greek: hyperanô tês ousias], beyond all
+that which darker thoughts are wont to represent under the Idea of
+Essence. This is that [Greek: theion skotos] which the Areopagite speaks
+of, which the higher our Minds soare into, the more incomprehensible
+they find it. Those dismall apprehensions which pinion the Souls of men
+to mortality, churlishly check and starve that noble life thereof, which
+would alwaies be rising upwards, and spread it self in a free heaven:
+and when once the Soul hath shaken off these, when it is once able to
+look through a grave, and see beyond death, it finds a vast Immensity of
+Being opening it self more and more before it, and the ineffable light
+and beauty thereof shining more and more into it.</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0"><i>Select Discourses of John Smith,</i><br /></span>
+<span class="i0"><i>the Cambridge Platonist, 1660.</i><br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2>MAD SHEPHERDS</h2>
+
+<h3><i>AND OTHER HUMAN STUDIES</i></h3>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="SHOEMAKER_HANKIN" id="SHOEMAKER_HANKIN"></a>SHOEMAKER HANKIN</h2>
+
+
+<p>Among the four hundred human beings who peopled our parish there were
+two notable men and one highly gifted woman. All three are dead, and lie
+buried in the churchyard of the village where they lived. Their graves
+form a group&mdash;unsung by any poet, but worthy to be counted among the
+resting-places of the mighty.</p>
+
+<p>The woman was Mrs. Abel, the Rector's wife. None of us knew her
+origin&mdash;I doubt if she knew it herself: beyond her husband and children,
+assignable relatives she had none.</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Sie war nicht in dem Tal geboren,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Man wusste nicht woher sie kam."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>Her husband met her many years ago at a foreign watering-place, and
+married her there after a week's acquaintance&mdash;much to the scandal of
+his family, for the lady was an actress not unknown to fame. Their only
+consolation was that she had a considerable fortune&mdash;the fruit of her
+professional work.</p>
+
+<p>In all relevant particulars this strange venture had proved a huge
+success. To leave the fever of the stage for the quiet life of the
+village had been to Mrs. Abel like the escape of a soul from the flames
+of purgatory. She had rightly discerned that the Rev. Edward Abel was a
+man of large heart, high character, and excellent wit&mdash;partly clergyman,
+but mostly man. He, on his part, valued his wife, and his judgment was
+backed by every humble soul in the village. But the bigwigs of the
+county, and every clergyman's wife within a radius of ten miles, were of
+another mind. She had not been "proper" to begin with&mdash;at least, they
+said so; and as time went on she took no pains to be more "proper" than
+she was at first. Her improprieties, so far as I could ever learn, arose
+from nothing more heinous than her possession of an intelligence more
+powerful and a courage more daring than that to which any of her
+neighbours could lay claim. Her outspokenness was a stumbling-block to
+many; and the offence of speaking her mind was aggravated by the
+circumstance, not always present at such times, that she had a mind to
+speak. To quote the language in which Farmer Perryman once explained the
+situation to me: "She'd given all on 'em a taste o' the whip, and with
+some on 'em she'd peppered and salted the sore place into the bargain."
+Moreover, she sided with many things that a clergyman's wife ought to
+oppose: took all sorts of undesirables under her protection, helped
+those whom everybody else wanted to punish, threw good discretion to the
+winds, and sometimes mixed in undertakings which no "lady" ought to
+touch. To all this she added the impertinence of regular attendance at
+church, where she recited the Creeds in a rich voice that almost drowned
+her husband's, turning punctually to the East and bowing at the Sacred
+Name. That she was a hypocrite trying to save her face was, of course,
+obvious to every Scribe and Pharisee in the county. But the poor of
+Deadborough preferred her hypocrisy to the virtuous simplicity of her
+critics.</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Abel is too great a subject for such humble portraiture as I can
+attempt, and she will henceforth appear in these pages only as occasion
+requires. It is time that we turn to the men.</p>
+
+<p>The first of these was Robert Dellanow, known far and wide as "Snarley
+Bob," head shepherd to Sam Perryman of the Upper Farm. I say, the first;
+for it was he who had the pre-eminence, both as to intelligence and the
+tragic antagonisms of his life. The man had many singularities, singular
+at least in shepherds. Perhaps the chief of these was the violence of
+the affinities and repulsions that broke forth from him towards every
+personality with whom he came into any, even the slightest, contact.
+Snarley invariably loved or hated at first sight, or rather at first
+sound, for he was strangely sensitive to the tones of a human voice. If,
+as seldom happened, your voice and presence chanced to strike the
+responsive chord, Snarley became your devoted slave on the spot; the
+heavy, even brutal, expression that his face often wore passed off like
+a cloud; you were in the Mount of Transfiguration, and it seemed that
+Elijah or one of the prophets had come back to earth. If, as was more
+likely, your manner repelled him, he would show signs of immediate
+distress; the animality of his features would become more sinister and
+forbidding; and if, undaunted by the first repulse, you continued to
+press your attentions upon him, he would presently break out into an
+ungovernable paroxysm of rage, accompanied by startling language and
+even by threats of violence, which drove offenders headlong from his
+presence. In these outbursts he was unrestrained by rank, age, or
+sex&mdash;indeed, his antipathies to certain women were the most violent of
+all. Curiously enough, it was the presence of humanity of the
+uncongenial type which alone had power to effect his reversion to the
+status of the brute. His normal condition was gentle and serene: he was
+fond of children and certain animals, and he bore the agonies of his old
+rheumatic limbs without a murmur of complaint.</p>
+
+<p>It was not possible, of course, that such a man, however gifted with
+intelligence, should "succeed in life." There were some people who held
+that he was mad, and proposed that he should be put under restraint; and
+doubtless they would have gained their end had not Snarley been able to
+give proofs of his sanity in certain directions such as few men could
+produce.</p>
+
+<p>Once he had been haled before the magistrate to answer a serious charge
+of using threats, was fined and compelled to give security for his good
+behaviour; and it was on this occasion that he narrowly escaped
+detention as a lunatic. Indeed, I cannot prove that he was sane; but
+neither could I prove it, if challenged, in regard to myself&mdash;a
+difficulty which the courteous reader, in his own case, will hardly deny
+that he has to share with me. Mad or sane, it is certain that Snarley,
+under a kinder Fate, might have been something more splendid than he
+was. Mystic, star-gazer, dabbler in black or blackish arts, he seemed in
+his lowly occupation of shepherd to represent some strange miscarriage
+of Nature's designs; but Mrs. Abel, who understood the secrets of many
+hearts, always maintained that Snarley, the breeder of the famous
+Perryman rams, had found the calling to which he had been fore-ordained
+from the foundation of the world. Of this the reader must judge from the
+sequel; for we shall hear much of him anon.</p>
+
+<p>The second man was Tom Hankin, shoemaker. A man of strong contrasts was
+Tom; an octogenarian when I first knew him, and an atheist, as he
+proudly boasted, "all his life." My last interview with him took place a
+few days before his death, when he knew that he was hovering on the
+brink of the grave; and it was then that Hankin offered me his complete
+argument for the non-existence of Deity and the mortality of the soul.
+Never did dying saint dilate on the raptures of Paradise with greater
+fervour than that displayed by the old man as he developed his theme. I
+will not say that Hankin was happy; but he was fierce and unconquered,
+and totally unafraid. I think also that he was proud&mdash;proud, that is, of
+his ability to hurl defiance into the very teeth of Death. He said that
+he had always hoped he would be able to die thus; that he had sometimes
+feared lest in his last illness there should be some weakening towards
+the end: perhaps his mind would become overclouded, and he would lose
+grip of his arguments; perhaps he would think that death was <i>something</i>
+instead of being <i>nothing</i>; perhaps he would be troubled by the thought
+of impending annihilation. But no, it was all as clear as before,
+clearer if anything. All that troubled him was "that folks was so blind;
+that Snarley Bob, in particular, was as obstinate as ever&mdash;a man, sir,
+as ought to ha' known better; never would listen to no arguments; always
+shut him up when he tried to reason, and sometimes swore at him; and him
+with the best head in the whole county, but crammed full of rubbish that
+was no use to himself nor nobody else, and that nobody could make head
+nor tail of&mdash;no, not even Mrs. Abel, as was always backing him up; and
+to think of him breedin' sheep all his life; why, that man, sir, if only
+he'd learned a bit o' commonsense reasonin', might ha' done wonders,
+instead o' wastin' himself wi' a lot o' tomfoolery about stars and
+spirits, and what all." Thus he continued to pour forth till a fit of
+coughing interrupted the torrent.</p>
+
+<p>Hankin was the son of a Chartist, from whom he inherited a small but
+sufficient collection of books. Tom Paine was there, of course, bearing
+on every page of him the marks of two generations of Hankin thumbs. He
+also possessed the works of John Stuart Mill, not excepting the <i>Logic</i>,
+which he had mastered, even as to the abstruser portions, with a
+thoroughness such as few professors of the science could boast at the
+present day. Mill, indeed, was his prophet; and the principle of the
+Greatest Happiness was his guiding star. Hankin was well abreast of
+current political questions, and to every one of them he applied his
+principle and managed by means of it to take a definite side. As he
+worked at his last he would concentrate his mind on some chosen problem
+of social reform, and would ponder, with singular pertinacity, the ways
+and degrees in which alternative solutions of it would affect the
+happiness of men. He would sometimes spend weeks in meditating thus on a
+single problem, and, when a solution had been reached according to his
+method, he made it a regular practice to go down to the Nag's Head and
+announce the result, with all the prolixity of its antecedents, over a
+pot of beer. It was there that I heard Hankin defend "armaments" as
+conducive to the Greatest Happiness of the Greatest Number. Venturing to
+assail what I thought a preposterous view, I was met by a counter attack
+of horse, foot, and artillery, so well planned and vigorously sustained
+that in the end I was utterly beaten from the field. Had Snarley Bob
+been present, the result would have been different; indeed, there would
+have been no result to the controversy at all. He would have stopped the
+argument <i>ab initio</i> by affirming in language of his own, perhaps
+unprintable, that the whole question was of not the slightest importance
+to anybody; that "them as built the ships, because someone had argued
+'em into doing it, were fools, and them as did the arguing were bigger
+fools still"; the same for those who refrained from building; that, in
+short, the only way to get such questions settled was "to leave 'em to
+them as knows what's what." This ignorant and undemocratic attitude
+never failed to divert Hankin from argument to recrimination, which was
+all the more bitter because Bob had a way of implying, mainly by the
+movement of his horse-like eyes, that he himself was one of those who
+knew precisely what "what" was. The upshot therefore was a row between
+shepherd and shoemaker&mdash;a thing which the shepherd enjoyed in the same
+degree as he hated the shoemaker's arguments.</p>
+
+<p>Not the least of Mrs. Abel's improprieties was her open patronage of
+Hankin. The shoemaker had established what he called an Ethical Society,
+which held its meetings on Sunday afternoons in the barn of a
+sympathetic farmer. These meetings, which were regularly addressed by
+Hankin, Mrs. Abel used frequently to attend. The effect of this was
+twofold. On the one hand, it was no small stimulus to Hankin that among
+the handful of uneducated irreconcilables who gathered to hear him, he
+might have for auditor one of the keenest and most cultivated minds in
+England&mdash;one who, as he was well aware, had no sympathy with his
+opinions. I once heard him lecture on one of his favourite topics while
+she was present, and I must say that I have seldom heard a bad case
+better argued. On the other hand, Mrs. Abel's presence served to rob his
+lectures of much of the force which opinions, when condemned by the
+rich, invariably have among the poor. She was shrewd enough to perceive
+that active repression of Hankin, who she well knew could not be
+repressed, would only swell his following and strengthen his position.</p>
+
+<p>This, of course, was not understood by the local guardians of morality
+and religion. After vainly appealing to Mr. Abel, who turned an
+absolutely deaf ear to the petitioners, they proceeded to lay the case
+before the Bishop, who happened to be, unfortunately for them, one of
+the most courageous and enlightened prelates of his time. The Bishop, on
+whom considerable pressure was brought to bear, resolved at last to come
+down to Deadborough and have an interview with Mrs. Abel. The result was
+that he and the lady became fast and lifelong friends. He returned to
+his palace determined to take the risk, and to all further importunities
+he merely returned a formal answer that he saw no reason to interfere.
+This was not the least daring of many actions which have distinguished,
+by their boldness and commonsense, the record of a singularly noble
+career. The case did not get into the papers; none the less, it was much
+talked of in clerical circles, and its effect was to give the Bishop a
+reputation among prelates not unlike that which Mrs. Abel had won among
+clergymen's wives.</p>
+
+<p>The Bishop's intervention having failed, the party of repression now
+determined on the short and easy way. Hankin's landlord was Peter Shott,
+whose holding consisted of two small farms which had been joined
+together. In the house belonging to one of these farms lived Hankin, a
+sub-tenant of Shott. To Shott there came, in due course, a hint from an
+exalted quarter that it would be to his interests to give Hankin notice
+to quit. Shott was willing enough, and presently the notice was served.
+It was a serious thing for the shoemaker, for he had a good business,
+and there was no other house or cottage available in the neighbourhood.</p>
+
+<p>In the interval before the notice expired announcements appeared that
+the estate to which Shott's holding belonged was to be sold by auction
+in lots. Shott himself was well-to-do, and promptly determined to become
+the purchaser of his farm.</p>
+
+<p>There were several bidders at the sale, and Shott was pushed to the very
+end of his tether. He managed, however, to outbid them all, though he
+trembled at his own temerity; and the farm was on the point of being
+knocked down to him when a lawyer's clerk at the end of the room went
+£50 better. Shott took a gulp of whisky to steady his nerve and
+desperately put the price up fifty more. The lawyer's clerk immediately
+countered with another hundred, and looked as though he was ready to go
+on. That was the knock-down blow. Shott put his hands in his pockets,
+leaned back in his chair, and dolefully shook his head in response to
+all the coaxings and blandishments of the auctioneer. The hammer fell.
+"Name, please," was called; the lawyer's clerk passed up a slip of
+paper, and a thunderbolt fell on the company when the auctioneer read
+out, "Mr. Thomas Hankin." Hankin had bought the farms for £4700. "Cheque
+for deposit," said the auctioneer. A cheque for £470, previously signed
+by Hankin, was immediately filled in and passed up by the lawyer's
+clerk.</p>
+
+<p>It was, of course, Mrs. Abel who had advanced the money to the shoemaker
+on prospective mortgage, less a sum of £1000 which he himself
+contributed&mdash;the savings of his life. The situation became interesting.
+Here was Hankin, under notice to quit, now become the rightful owner of
+his own house and the landlord of his landlord. Everyone read what had
+happened as a deep-laid scheme of vengeance on the part of Hankin and
+Mrs. Abel, of whose part in the transaction no secret whatever was made.
+It was taken for granted that the evicted man would now retaliate by
+turning Shott out of his highly cultivated farm and well-appointed
+house. The jokers of the Nag's Head were delirious, and drank gin in
+their beer for a week after the occurrence. Snarley Bob alone drank no
+gin, and merely contributed the remark that "them as laughs last, laughs
+best."</p>
+
+<p>Meanwhile the shoemaker, seated at his last, was carefully pondering the
+position in the light of the principles of Bentham and Mill. He
+considered all the possible alternatives and weighed off against one
+another the various amounts of pleasure and pain involved, resolutely
+counting himself as "one and not more than one." He certainly estimated
+at a large figure the amount of pleasure he himself would derive from
+paying Shott in his own coin. All consideration of "quality" was
+strictly eliminated, for in this matter Hankin held rather with Bentham
+than with Mill. The sum was an extremely complicated one to work, and
+gave more exercise to Hankin's powers of moral arithmetic than either
+armaments, or women's suffrage, or the State Church. Mrs. Abel had left
+him free to do exactly as he liked; and he had nearly determined to
+expel Shott when it occurred to him that by taking the other course he
+would give a considerable amount of pleasure to the Rector's wife. And
+to this must be added the pleasure which he would derive for himself by
+pleasing her, and further the pleasure of his chief friend and enemy,
+Snarley Bob, on discovering that both of them were pleased. Then there
+was the question of his own reflected pleasure in the pleasure of
+Snarley Bob, and this was considerable also; for though Hankin denounced
+Bob on every possible occasion, yet secretly he valued his good opinion
+more than that of any living man. It is true that the figures at which
+he estimated these personal quantities were very small in proportion to
+those which he had set down to the more public aspects of the case; for
+his principles forbade him to reckon either Mrs. Abel or Snarley as
+"more than one." Nevertheless, small as these figures were, Hankin
+found, when he came to add up his totals and strike off the balance of
+pains, that they were enough to turn the scale. He determined to leave
+Shott undisturbed, and went to bed with that feeling of perfect mental
+satisfaction which did duty with him for a conscience at peace.</p>
+
+<p>Notice of this resolution was conveyed next day to the parties
+concerned, and that night Farmer Shott, who was a pious Methodist and
+held family prayers, instead of imploring the Almighty "to defeat the
+wiles of Satan, now active in this village," put up a lengthy petition
+for blessings on the heads of Shoemaker Hankin and his family,
+mentioning each one of them by name, and adding such particulars of his
+or her special needs as would leave the Divine Benevolence with no
+excuse for mixing them up.</p>
+
+<p>With all his hard-headedness Hankin combined the graces of a singularly
+kind and tender heart. He held, of course, that there was nothing like
+leather, especially for mitigating the distress of the orphan and
+causing the widow's heart to sing for joy. Every year he received
+confidentially from the school-mistress a list of the worst-shod
+children in the school, from whom he selected a dozen belonging to the
+poorest families, that he might provide each of them at Christmas with a
+pair of good, strong shoes. The boots of labourers out of work and of
+other unfortunates he mended free of cost, regularly devoting to this
+purpose that part of the Sabbath which was not occupied in proving the
+non-existence of God. There was, for instance, poor Mary Henson&mdash;a loose
+deserted creature with illegitimate children of various paternity, and
+another always on the way&mdash;rejected by every charity in the parish,&mdash;to
+whom Hankin never failed to send needed footwear both for herself and
+her brats.</p>
+
+<p>Further, whenever a pair of shoes had to be condemned as "not worth
+mending," he endeavoured to retain them for a purpose of his own,
+sometimes paying a few pence for them as "old leather." When summer came
+round he set to work patching the derelicts as best he could, and would
+sometimes have thirty or forty pairs in readiness by the end of June.
+This was the season when the neighbourhood was annually invaded by
+troops of pea-pickers&mdash;a very miscellaneous collection of humanity
+comprising at the one extreme broken army men and university graduates,
+and at the other the lowest riff-raff of the towns. It was Hankin's
+regular custom to visit the camps where these people were quartered,
+with the avowed object of "studying human nature," but really for the
+purpose of spying out the shoeless, or worse than shoeless, feet. He was
+a notable performer on the concertina, and I well remember seeing him in
+the middle of a pea-field, surrounded by as sorry a group of human
+wreckage as civilisation could produce, listening, or dancing to his
+strains. Hankin's eyes were on their feet all the time. When the
+performance was over he went round to one and another, mostly women, and
+said something which made their eyes glisten.</p>
+
+<p>And here it may be recorded that one day, towards the end of his life,
+he received a letter from Canada containing a remittance for fifty
+pounds. The writer, Major &mdash;&mdash; of the North-West Mounted Police, said
+that the money was payment for a certain pair of old shoes, the gift of
+which "had set him on his feet in more senses than one." He also stated
+that he had made a small fortune by speculating in town-lots, and,
+hearing that Hankin was alive, he was prepared to send him any further
+sum of money that might be necessary to secure him a comfortable old
+age. Major &mdash;&mdash; died last year, and left by his will the sum of £300 in
+Consols to the Rector and churchwardens of Deadborough, the interest to
+be expended annually at Christmas in providing boots and shoes for the
+poor of the parish.</p>
+
+<p>In the matter of trade Hankin was prosperous, and fully deserved his
+prosperity. He has been dead four years, and I am wearing at this moment
+almost the last pair of boots he ever made. His materials were the best
+that could be procured, and his workmanship was admirable. His customers
+were largely the well-to-do people of the neighbourhood, and his
+standard price for walking-boots was thirty-three shillings. He was by
+no means incapable of the higher refinements of "style," so that great
+people like Lady Passingham or Captain Sorley were often heard to say
+that they preferred his goods to those of Bond Street. He did a large
+business in building shooting-boots for the numerous parties which
+gathered at Deadborough Hall; his customers recommended him in the
+London clubs, where such things are talked of, and he received orders
+from all parts of the country and at all times of the year. He might, no
+doubt, have made his fortune. But he would have no assistance save that
+of his two sons. He lived for thirty-seven years in the house from which
+Shott had sought to expel him, refusing all orders which exceeded the
+limited working forces at his command. He chartered the corns on many
+noble feet; he measured the gouty toe of a Duke to the fraction of a
+millimetre, and made a contour map of all its elevations from the main
+peak to the foot-hills; and it was said that a still more Exalted
+Personage occasionally walked on leather of his providing.</p>
+
+<p>Hankin neglected nothing which might contribute to the success of his
+work, and applied himself to its principles with the same thoroughness
+which distinguished his handling of the Utilitarian Standard. One of his
+sons had emigrated to the United States and become, in course of time,
+the manager of a large boot factory in Brockton, Mass. From him Hankin
+received patterns and lasts and occasional consignments of American
+leather. This latter he was inclined, in general, to despise.
+Nevertheless, it had its uses. He found that an outer-sole of
+hemlock-tanned leather would greatly lengthen the working life of a poor
+man's heavy boot; though for want of suppleness it was useless for goods
+supplied to the "quality." The American patterns and lasts, on the other
+hand, he treated with great respect. He held that they embodied a far
+sounder knowledge of the human foot than did the English variety, and
+found them a great help to his trade in giving style, comfort, and
+accuracy of fit. At a time when the great manufacturers of Stafford and
+Northampton were blundering along with a range of four or five standard
+patterns, Hankin, in his little shop, was working on much finer
+intervals and producing nine regular sizes of men's boots. Indeed, his
+ready-made goods were so excellent, and their "fit" so certain, that
+some of his customers preferred them, and ordered him to abandon their
+lasts.</p>
+
+<p>Such was Hankin's manner of life and conversation. If there is such a
+place as heaven, and the reader ever succeeds in getting there, let him
+look out for Shoemaker Hankin among the highest seats of glory. His
+funeral oration was pronounced, though not in public, by Snarley Bob.
+"Shoemaker Hankin were a great man. He'd got hold o' lots o' good
+things; but he'd got some on 'em by the wrong end. He <i>talked</i> more than
+a man o' his size ought to ha' done. He spent his breath in proving that
+God doesn't exist, and his life in proving that He does."</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="SNARLEY_BOB_ON_THE_STARS" id="SNARLEY_BOB_ON_THE_STARS"></a>SNARLEY BOB ON THE STARS</h2>
+
+
+<p>Towards the end of his life there were few persons with whom Snarley
+would hold converse, for his contempt of the human race was
+immeasurable. There was Mrs. Abel at the Rectory, whom he adored; there
+were the Perrymans, whom he loved; and there was myself, whom he
+tolerated. There was also his old wife, whom he treated as part of
+himself, neither better nor worse. With other human beings&mdash;saving only
+the children&mdash;his intercourse was limited as far as possible to
+interjectory grunts and snarls&mdash;whence his name.</p>
+
+<p>It was in an old quarry among the western hills, on a bleak January day
+not long before his death, that I met Snarley Bob and heard him
+discourse of the everlasting stars. The quarry was the place in which to
+find Snarley most at his ease. In the little room of his cottage he
+could hardly be persuaded to speak; the confined space made him
+restless; and, as often as not, if a question were asked him he would
+seem not to hear it, and would presently get up, walk out of the door,
+and return when it pleased him. "He do be growing terrible
+absent-minded," his wife would often say in these latter days. "I'm
+a'most afraid sometimes as he may be took in a fit." But in the old
+quarry he was another man. The open spaces of the sky seemed to bring
+him to himself.</p>
+
+<p>Many a time on a summer day I have watched Mrs. Abel's horse bearing its
+rider up the steep slope that led to the quarry, and more than once have
+I gone thither myself only to find that she had forestalled my hopes of
+an interview. "Snarley Bob," she used to say to me, with a frank
+disregard for my own feelings&mdash;"Snarley Bob is the one man in the world
+whom I have found worth talking to."</p>
+
+<p>The feature in Snarley's appearance that no one could fail to see, or,
+having seen, forget, was the extraordinary width between the eyes. It
+was commonly said that he had the power of seeing people behind his
+back. And so doubtless he had, but the thing was no miracle. It was a
+consequence of the position of his eyes, which, like those of a horse,
+were as much at the side of his head as they were in front.</p>
+
+<p>Snarley's manner of speech was peculiar. Hoarse and hesitating at first,
+as though the physical act were difficult, and rising now and then into
+the characteristic snarl, his voice would presently sink into a deep and
+resonant note and flow freely onward in a tone of subdued emphasis that
+was exceedingly impressive. Holding, as he did, that words are among the
+least important things of life, Snarley was nevertheless the master of
+an unforced manner of utterance more convincing by its quiet
+indifference to effect than all the preternatural pomposities of the
+pulpit and the high-pitched logic of the schools. I have often thought
+that any Cause or Doctrine which could get itself expressed in Snarley's
+tones would be in a fair way to conquer the world. Fortunately for the
+world, however, it is not every Cause, nor every Doctrine, which would
+lend itself to expression in that manner.</p>
+
+<p>Seated on a heap of broken road metal, with a doubled sack between his
+person and the stones, and with his short pipe stuck out at right angles
+to his profile, so that he could see what was going on in the bowl,
+Snarley Bob discoursed, at intervals, as follows:</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, sir, there's things about the stars that fair knocks you silly to
+think on. And, what's more, you can't think on 'em, leastways to no good
+purpose, until they <i>have</i> knocked you silly. Why, what's the good of
+tellin' a man that it's ninety-three millions o' miles between the earth
+and the sun? There's lots o' folks as knows that; but there's not one in
+ten thousand as knows what it means. You gets no forrader wi' lookin' at
+the figures in a book. You must thin yourself out, and make your body
+lighter than air, and stretch and stretch at yourself until you gets the
+sun and planets, floatin' like, in the middle o' your mind. Then you
+begins to get hold on it. Or what's the good o' sayin' that Saturn has
+rings and nine moons? You must go to one o' them moons, and see Saturn
+half fillin' the sky, wi' his rings cuttin' the heavens from top to
+bottom, all coloured wi' crimson and gold&mdash;then you begins to stagger at
+it. That's why I say you can't think o' these things till they've
+knocked you silly. Now there's Sir Robert Ball&mdash;it's knocked him silly,
+I can tell you. I knowed that when I went to his lecture, by the
+pictures he showed us, and I sez to myself, 'Bob,' I sez, 'that's a man
+worth listenin' to.'</p>
+
+<p>"You're right, sir. I wouldn't pay the least attention to anything you
+might say about the stars unless you'd told me that it knocked you silly
+to think on 'em. No, and I wouldn't talk to you about 'em either. You
+wouldn't understand.</p>
+
+<p>"And, as you were sayin', it isn't easy to get them big things the right
+way up. When things gets beyond a certain bigness you don't know which
+way up they are; and as like as not they're standin' on their heads when
+you think they're standin' on their heels. That's the way with the
+stars. They all want lookin' at t'other way up from what most people
+looks at 'em. And perhaps it's a good thing they looks at 'em the wrong
+way; becos if they looked at 'em the right way it would scare 'em out o'
+their wits, especially the women&mdash;same as it does my missis when she
+hears me and Mrs. Abel talkin'. Always exceptin' Mrs. Abel; you can't
+scare her; and she sees most things right way up, that she does!</p>
+
+<p>"But when it comes to the stars, you want to be a bit of a <i>medium</i>
+before you can get at 'em. Oh yes, I've been a medium in my time, more
+than I care to think of, and I could be a medium again to-morrow, if I
+wanted to. But them's the only sort of folks as can see things from both
+ends. Most folks only look at things from one end&mdash;and that as often as
+not the wrong un. Mediums looks from both ends; and, if they're good at
+it, they soon find out which end's right. You see, some on 'em&mdash;like me,
+for instance&mdash;can throw 'emselves out o' 'emselves, in a manner o'
+speaking, so that they can see their own bodies, just as if they was
+miles away, same as I can see that man walking on the Deadborough Road.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, I've often done it, and many's the story I could tell of things
+I've seen by day and night; but it wasn't till I went to hear Sir Robert
+Ball as the grand idea came to me. 'Why not throw yerself into the
+stars, Bob?' I sez to myself. And, by gum, sir, I did it that very
+night. How I did it I don't know; I won't say as there weren't a drop o'
+drink in it; but the minute I'd <i>got through</i>, I felt as I'd stretched
+out wonderful and, blessed if I didn't find myself standin' wi' millions
+of other spirits, right in the middle o' Saturn's rings. And the things
+I see there I couldn't tell you, no, not if you was to give me a
+thousand pounds. Talk o' spirits! I tell you there was millions on 'em!
+And the lights and the colours&mdash;oh, but it's no good talkin'! I looked
+back and wanted to know where the earth was, and there I see it,
+dwindled to a speck o' light.</p>
+
+<p>"Now you can understand why I keeps my mouth shut. Do you think I'm
+going to talk of them things to a lot o' folks that's got no more sense
+nor swine? Not me! And what else is there that's worth talking on? Who's
+goin' to make a fuss and go blatherin' about this and that, when you
+know the whole earth's no bigger nor a pea? My eyes! if some o' these
+'ere talkin' politicians knowed half o' what I know, they'd stop their
+blowin' pretty quick.</p>
+
+<p>"There's our parson&mdash;and he's a good man, though not half good enough
+for <i>her</i>&mdash;why, you might as well talk to a babby three months old! If I
+told him, he'd only think I was crazy; and like as not he'd send for old
+Doctor Kenyon to come up and feel my head, same as they did wi' Shepherd
+Toller, Clun Downs way, before they put him in the asylum. I sometimes
+says to my missis that it's a good thing I'm a poor man wi' nowt but a
+flock o' sheep to look after. For don't you see, sir, when once you've
+got hold o' the bigness o' things it's all one&mdash;flocks o' sheep and
+nations o' men? If I were King o' England, or Prime Minister, or any
+sort o' great man, knowing what I know, I'd only think I were a bigger
+humbug nor the rest. I couldn't keep it up. But bein' only a shepherd,
+I've got nothing to keep up, and I'm thankful I haven't.</p>
+
+<p>"I allus knows when folks has got things wrong end up by the amount they
+talks. When you get 'em the right way you don't <i>want</i> to talk on 'em,
+except it may be to one or two, like Mrs. Abel, as got 'em the same way
+as yourself. So when you hear folks jawin', you can allus tell what's
+the matter wi' 'em.</p>
+
+<p>"There's old Shoemaker Hankin at Deadborough. Know him? Well, did you
+ever hear such a blatherin' old fool? 'All these things you're mad on,
+Snarley,' he sez to me one day, 'are nowt but matter and force.' 'Matter
+and force,' I sez; 'what's them?' And then he lets on for half a' hour
+trying to tell me all about matter and force. When he'd done I sez, 'Tom
+Hankin, there's more sense in one o' them old shoes than there is in
+your silly 'ead. You've got things all wrong end up, and you're just
+baain' at 'em like a' old sheep!' 'How can you prove it?' he sez. 'I
+know it,' I sez, 'by the row you makes.' It's a sure sign, sir; you take
+my word for it.</p>
+
+<p>"Then there's all these parsons preaching away Sunday after Sunday. Why,
+doesn't it stand to sense that if they'd got things right way up, there
+they'd be, and that 'ud be the end on it? And it's because they're all
+wrong that they've got to go on jawin' to persuade people they're right.
+One day I was in Parson Abel's study. 'What's all them books about?' I
+sez. 'Religion, most on 'em,' sez he. 'Well,' I sez, 'if the folks as
+wrote 'em had got things right way up they wouldn't 'a needed to 'a
+wrote so many books.'</p>
+
+<p>"Then, agen, there's that professor as comes fishin' in summer. 'Mr.
+Dellanow,' he sez to me one day, 'I take a great interest in yer.'
+'That's a darned sight more'n I take in you,' I sez, for if there's one
+thing as puts my bristles up it's bein' told as folks takes a' interest
+in me. 'Well,' he sez, for he wasn't easy to offend, 'I want to 'ave a
+talk.' 'What about?' I sez. 'I want to talk about the stars and the
+space as they're floatin' in.' 'Has space ever knocked yer silly?' I
+sez. 'Yes,' he sez, 'in a manner o' speakin' it has.' 'No,' I sez, 'it
+hasn't, because if it had you wouldn't want to talk about it.' Well,
+there was no stoppin' 'im, and at last he gets it out that space is just
+a way we have o' lookin' at things. I know'd well enough what he meant,
+though I could see as he were puttin' it wrong way up. When he'd done I
+sez, 'That's all right. But suppose space wasn't a way folks have o'
+lookin' at things, but something else, what difference would that make?'
+'I don't see what you mean,' he sez. 'That's because you don't see what
+you mean yerself,' I sez. 'You're just like the rest on 'em&mdash;talkin'
+about things you've never seen, but only heard other folks talkin'
+about. You're in the same box wi' Shoemaker Hankin and the parsons and
+all the lot on 'em. What's the good o' jawin' about space when you've
+never been there yourself? I have. I've seen more space in one minute
+than you've ever heard talk on since you were born. Don't tell me! If
+you could see what I've seen you'd never say another word about space as
+long as yer lived.'</p>
+
+<p>"But you was askin' what bein' a medium has got to do wi' knowin' about
+the stars. More than some folks think. They're two roads leadin' to the
+same place. Both on 'em are ways o' gettin' to the right end of things.
+What's wrong wi' the mediums is that they haven't got <i>line</i> enough.
+They only manage to get just outside their own skins; but what's wanted
+is to get right on to the edge of the world and then look back. That's
+what the stars teaches you to do; and when you've done it&mdash;my word! it
+turns yer clean inside out!</p>
+
+<p>"There's lots of nonsense in mediums; but there's no nonsense in the
+stars. And it's the stars that's goin' to knock the nonsense out o' the
+mediums, you mark my word! I found that out, for, as I was tellin' you,
+I used to be one myself, and am one now, for the matter o' that.</p>
+
+<p>"Now you listen to what I'm goin' to tell you. There's lots o' spirits
+about: but they don't talk, at least not as a rule, and they don't want
+to talk; and when the mediums make 'em talk, they're liars! Spirits has
+better ways o' doin' things than talkin' on 'em. That's what you finds
+out when you gives yourself a long line and gets out to the edge o' the
+world. Then you looks back, and you sees that the whole thing's alive.
+It looks you straight in the face; and you can see it thinkin' and
+smilin' and frownin' and doin' things, just as I can see you at this
+minute. Do you think the stars can't understand one another? They can do
+it a sight better than you and me can. And they do it without speakin' a
+word. That, I tell you, is what you <i>sees</i> when you lets your line out
+to the edge!</p>
+
+<p>"And when you've seen it you don't bother any more wi' makin' the
+spirits rap on tables and such like. What's the sense o' tryin' to find
+out whether you'll be a spirit after you're dead when you know there's
+nothing else anywhere? But it's no good talkin'. If you're not a bit of
+a medium yourself you'll never understand&mdash;no, not if I was to go on
+talkin' till both on us are frozen to death. And I reckon you're pretty
+cold already&mdash;you look it. Come down the hill wi' me, and I'll get my
+missis to make yer a cup o' hot tea."</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="SNARLEYCHOLOGY_I" id="SNARLEYCHOLOGY_I"></a>"SNARLEYCHOLOGY"</h2>
+
+<h3>I. THEORETICAL</h3>
+
+
+<p>Farmer Perryman was rich, and it was Snarley Bob who had made him so.
+Now Snarley was a cunning breeder of sheep. For three-and-forty years he
+had applied his intuitions and his patience to the task of producing
+rams and ewes such as the world had never seen. His system of
+"observation and experiment" was peculiarly his own; it is written down
+in no book, but stands recorded on barn-doors, on gate-posts, on
+hurdles, and on the walls of a wheeled box which was Snarley's main
+residence during the spring months of the year. It is a literature of
+notches and lines&mdash;cross, parallel, perpendicular, and horizontal&mdash;of
+which the chief merit in Snarley's eyes was that nobody could understand
+it save himself. But it was enough to give his faculties all the aid
+they required. By such simple means he succeeded long ago in laying the
+practical basis of a life's work, evolving a highly complicated system
+controlled by a single principle, and yet capable of manifold
+application. The Perryman flock, now famous among sheep-breeders all
+over the world, was the result.</p>
+
+<p>Thirty years ago this flock was the admiration and the envy of the whole
+countryside. Young farmers with capital were confident that they were
+going to make money as soon as they began to breed from the Perryman
+strain. To have purchased a Perryman ram was to have invested your money
+in a gilt-edged, but rising, stock. The early "eighties" were times of
+severe depression in those parts; capital was scarce, farmers were
+discouraged, and the flocks deteriorated. At the present moment there is
+no more prosperous corner in agricultural England, and the basis of that
+prosperity is the life-work of Snarley Bob.</p>
+
+<p>The fame of that work is now world-wide, though the author of it is
+unknown. The Perryman rams have been exported into almost every
+sheep-raising country on the globe. Hundreds of thousands of their
+descendants are now nibbling food, and converting it into fine mutton
+and long-stapled wool, in Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and the
+Argentine. Only last summer I saw a large animal meditating procreation
+among the foot-hills of the Rockies, and was informed of the fabulous
+price of his purchase&mdash;fabulous but commercially sound, for the animal
+was a Perryman ram, and the owner was sublimely confident of being "up
+against a sure thing." Many fortunes have been made from that source;
+and there are perhaps millions of human beings now eating mutton or
+wearing cloth who, if they could trace the authorship of these good
+things, would stand up and bless the memory of Snarley Bob.</p>
+
+<p>One day among the hills I met the old man in presence of his charge,
+like a general reviewing his troops. As the flock passed on before us
+the professional reticence of Snarley was broken, and he began to talk
+of the animals before him, pointing to this and to that. Little by
+little his remarks began to remind me of something I had read in a book.
+On returning home, I looked the matter up. The book was a treatise on
+Mendelism, and, as I read on, the link was strengthened. Meeting Snarley
+Bob a few days afterwards, I did my best to communicate what I had
+learnt about Mendelism. He listened with profound attention, though, as
+I thought, with a trace of annoyance. He made some deprecatory remarks,
+quite in character, about "learned chaps as goes 'umbuggin' about things
+they don't understand." But in the end he was forced to confess some
+interest in what he had heard. "Them fellers," he said, "is on the right
+road; but they don't know where they're goin', and they don't go far
+enough." "How much further ought they to go?" I asked. For answer
+Snarley pointed to rows of notches on a five-barred gate and said, "It's
+all there." Whether it is "all there" or not I cannot tell; for the
+secret of those notches was never revealed to me, and the brain which
+held it lies under eight feet of clay in Deadborough churchyard. Perhaps
+Snarley is now discussing the matter with "the tall Shepherd"<a name="FNanchor_1_1" id="FNanchor_1_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_1_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a> in some
+nook of Elysium where the winds are less keen than they used to be on
+Quarry Hill.</p>
+
+<p>Had Snarley received a due share of the unearned increment which his own
+and his rams' achievements brought into other hands he would probably
+have died a millionaire. But for all his toil and skill he received no
+more than a shepherd's wage. There were not wanting persons, of course,
+who regarded his condition as a crucial instance of the exceeding
+rottenness of our present industrial system. There was a great lady from
+London, named Lady Lottie Passingham, who resolved to take up the case.
+Lady Lottie belonged to the class who look upon the universe as a leaky
+old kettle and themselves as tinkers appointed by Providence to mend the
+holes. That Snarley's position represented a hole of the first magnitude
+was plain enough to Lady Lottie the moment she became acquainted with
+the facts. Her first step was to interest her brother, the Earl of
+Clodd, a noted breeder of pedigree stock, on the old man's behalf; her
+second, to rouse the slumbering soul of the victim to a sense of the
+injustice of his lot. I believe she succeeded better with her brother
+than with Snarley; for with him she utterly failed. Her discourse on the
+possibilities of bettering his position might as well have been spoken
+into the ears of the senior ram; and if the ram had responded, as he
+probably would, by pinning Lady Lottie against the wall of the barn, her
+overthrow would have been no more complete nor unmerited than that she
+actually received from Snarley Bob.</p>
+
+<p>For it so happened that Providence, in equipping the lady for her
+world-mending mission, had forgotten to give her a pleasant voice. Now
+if there was one thing in the world which made Snarley "madder" than
+anything else could do, it was the high-pitched, strident tones of a
+woman engaged in argument. The consequence was that his self-restraint
+broke down, and before the lady had said half the things she had meant
+to say, or come within sight of the splendid offer she was going to make
+on behalf of the Earl of Clodd, Snarley had spoken words and performed
+actions which caused his benefactress to retreat from the farmyard with
+her nose in the air, declaring she "would have nothing more to do with
+the horrid brute." She was not the first of Snarley's would-be
+benefactors who had formed the same resolve.</p>
+
+<p>Now this extraordinary conduct on Snarley's part was by no means due to
+any transcendental contempt for money. I have myself offered him many a
+half-crown, which has never been refused; and Mrs. Abel, unless I am
+much mistaken, has given him many a pound. Still less did it originate
+from rustic contentment with a humble lot; nor from a desire to act up
+to his catechism, by being satisfied with that station in life which
+Providence had assigned him. For there was no more restless soul within
+the four seas of Britain, and none less willing to govern his conduct by
+moral saws. And stupidity, which would probably have explained the facts
+in the case of any other dweller in those parts, was not to be thought
+of in Snarley's case. "I knew what the old gal was drivin' at before
+she'd finished the text," said Snarley to me.</p>
+
+<p>The truth is that he was afflicted with an immense and incurable
+arrogance which caused him to resent the implication, by whomsoever
+offered, that he was worse off than other people. It was Snarley's
+distinction that he was able to maintain, and carry off, as much pride
+on eighteen shillings a week as would require in most people at least
+fifty thousand a year for effective sustenance. Of course, it was not
+the eighteen shillings a week that made him proud; it was the
+consciousness that he had inner resources which his would-be benefactors
+knew not of. He regarded them all as his inferiors, and, had he known
+how to do it, he would have treated them <i>de haut en bas</i>. Ill-bred
+insolence was therefore his only weapon; but his use of this was as
+effective as if it had been the well-bred variety in the hands of the
+grandest of grand seigneurs. No wonder, then, that he failed to achieve
+the position to which, in the view of Lady Lottie Passingham, his
+talents entitled him.</p>
+
+<p>But the inner resources of which I have spoken were Snarley's sufficient
+compensation for his want of worldly success. The composition of this
+hidden bread, it is true, was somewhat singular and not easy to imitate.
+If the reader, when he has learned its ingredients, choose to call it
+"religion," there is certainly nothing to prevent him. But that was not
+the word that Snarley used, nor the one he would have approved of. In
+his own limited nomenclature the elements of his spiritual kingdom were
+two in number&mdash;"the stars" and "the spirits."</p>
+
+<p>Snarley's knowledge of the heavens was extensive, if not profound. On
+any fair view of profundity, I am inclined to think that it was
+profound, though of the technique of astronomy he knew but little. He
+had all the constellations at his fingers' ends, and had given to many
+of them names of his own; he knew their seasons, their days, even their
+hours; he knew the comings and goings of every visible planet; by day
+and night the heavens were his clock. It was characteristic of him that
+he seldom spoke of the weather when "passing the time of day"&mdash;a thing
+which he never did except to his chosen friends. He spoke almost
+invariably of the planets or the stars. "Good morning, the sun's very
+low at this time o' year&mdash;did you see the lunar halo last night?&mdash;a fine
+lot o' shootin' stars towards four o'clock, look for 'em again to-morrow
+in the nor'-west&mdash;you can get your breakfast by moonlight this week&mdash;Old
+Tabby [Orion] looks well to-night&mdash;you'd better have a look at Sirius
+afore the moon arises, I never see him so clear as he is now"&mdash;these
+were the greetings which Snarley offered "to them as could understand"
+from behind the hedge or within the penfold.</p>
+
+<p>But it was not from superficialities of this kind that the depth of his
+stellar interests was to be measured. I once told him that a great man
+of old had declared that the stars were gods. "So they are, but I wonder
+how he found that out," said Snarley; "because you can't find it out by
+lookin' at 'em. You may look at 'em till you're blind, and you'll never
+see anything but little lights." "It was just his fancy," I said, like a
+simpleton. "Fancy be &mdash;&mdash;!" said Snarley. "It's a plain truth&mdash;that is,
+it's plain enough for them as knows the way."</p>
+
+<p>"What's that?" I said.</p>
+
+<p>"It's a way as nobody can take unless they're born to it. And, what's
+more, it's a way as nobody can <i>understand</i> unless they're born to it.
+Didn't I tell you the other day that there's only one sort of folks as
+can tell what the stars are&mdash;and that's the folks as can get out o'
+their own skins? And they're not many as can do that. But that man you
+were just talkin' of, as said the stars were gods, <i>he</i> must ha' done
+it. It's my opinion that in the old days there was more folks as could
+get out o' their skins than there are now. I sometimes wish <i>I'd</i> been
+born in the old days. I should ha' had somebody to talk to then. I've
+got hardly anybody now. And you get tired sometimes o' keepin' yerself
+to yerself. If I were a learned man I'd be readin' them old books day
+and night."</p>
+
+<p>"What about the Bible?" I asked.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, that's a good old book," said Snarley; "but there's some things
+in it that's no good to anybody&mdash;<i>except to talkin' men</i>."</p>
+
+<p>"Who are they?" I said.</p>
+
+<p>"Why, folks as doesn't understand things, but only likes to talk about
+'em: parsons&mdash;at least, more nor half on 'em&mdash;ay, and these 'ere
+politicians too, for the matter o' that. There's some folks as dresses
+up in fine clothes, and there's some as dresses up in fine words: one
+sort wants to be looked at, and the other wants to be listened to.
+Doesn't it stand to sense that it's just the same? Bless your 'eart,
+it's all <i>show</i>! Why, there's lots o' men as goes huntin' about till
+they finds a bit o' summat as they think 'ud look well if they dressed
+it up in talk. 'Ah,' they say to themselves, 'that'll just do for me;
+that's what I'm goin' to <i>believe</i>; when it's got its Sunday clothes on
+it'll look like a regular lord.' Well, there's plenty o' that sort
+about; and you can allus tell 'em by the 'oller sound as they makes. And
+them's the folks as spoils the old Bible.</p>
+
+<p>"Not but what there's things in the Bible as is 'oller to begin wi'. But
+there's plenty that isn't, if these talkin' chaps 'ud only leave it
+alone. Now, here's a bit as I calls tip-top: 'When I consider thy
+heavens, the work of thy fingers'" (here Snarley quoted several verses
+of the Eighth Psalm).</p>
+
+<p>"Now, when you gets hold on a bit like that, you don't want to go
+dressin' on it up. You just puts it in your pipe and smokes it, and then
+it does you good! <i>That's</i> it!</p>
+
+<p>"There's was once a Salvation Army man as come and asked me if I
+accepted the Gospel. 'Yes, my lad,' I sez; 'I've accepted it&mdash;but only
+as a thing to <i>smoke</i>, not as a thing to go <i>bangin' about</i>. Put your
+drum in the cup-board, my lad,' I sez; 'and put the Gospel in your pipe,
+and you'll be a wiser man.'</p>
+
+<p>"As for all this 'ere argle-bargling about them big things, <i>there's
+nowt in it</i>, you take my word for that! The little things for
+argle-bargle, the big uns' for smokin', that's what <i>I</i> sez! Put the big
+'uns in your pipe, sir; put 'em in your pipe, and smoke 'em!"</p>
+
+<p>These last words were spoken in tones of great solemnity and repeated
+several times.</p>
+
+<p>"That's good advice, Snarley," I said; "but the writer you just quoted
+hadn't got a pipe to put 'em in."</p>
+
+<p>"Didn't need one," said Snarley; "there weren't so many talkin' men
+about in his time. Folks then were born right end up to begin wi', and
+didn't need to smoke 'emselves round.</p>
+
+<p>"Ay, ay, sir, I often think about them old days&mdash;and it's the Bible as
+set me thinkin' on 'em. That's the only old book as I ever read. And
+there's some staggerers in it, I can tell you! Wonderful! If some o'
+them old Bible men could come back and hear the parsons talkin' about
+'em&mdash;eh, my word, there would be a rumpus! I'd like to see it, that I
+would! I'll tell you one thing, sir&mdash;and don't you forget it&mdash;you'll
+never understand the old Bible, leastways not the best bits in it, so
+long as you only wants to talk about 'em, same as a man <i>allus</i> wants to
+do when he's stuck inside his own skin. Now, there's that bit about the
+heavens, as I just give you&mdash;that's a bit o' real all-right, isn't it?"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," I said, "it is."</p>
+
+<p>"Well, can't you see as the man as said them words had just let himself
+out to the other end o' the line and was lookin' back? He'd got himself
+right into the middle o' the bigness o' things, and that's what you
+can't do as long as you keeps inside your own skin. But I tell you that
+when you gets outside for the first time it gives you a pretty shakin'
+up. You begins to think what a fool you've been all your life long."</p>
+
+<p>Beyond such statements as these, repeated many times and in many forms,
+I could get no light on Snarley's dealings with the heavens.</p>
+
+<p>To interpret his dealings with "the spirits" is a still harder task. It
+was one of his common sayings that this matter also could not be
+discussed in terms intelligible to the once-born. That he did not mean
+by "spirits" what the vulgar might suppose, is certain. It is true that
+at one time he used to attend spiritualistic séances held in a large
+neighbouring village, and he was commonly regarded as a "medium." This
+latter term was adopted by Snarley in many conversations I had with him
+as a true description of himself. But here again it was obvious that he
+used the term only for want of a better. He never employed it without
+some sort of caveat, uttered or implied, to the effect that the word
+must be taken with qualifications&mdash;unstated qualifications, but still
+suggestive of important distinctions.</p>
+
+<p>It is noteworthy in this connection that a bitter quarrel existed
+between Snarley and the spiritualists with whom he had once been
+associated. They had cast him forth from among them as a smoking brand;
+and Snarley on his part never lost a chance of denouncing them as liars
+and rogues. One of the most violent scenes ever witnessed in the
+tap-room of the Nag's Head had been perpetrated by Snarley on a certain
+occasion when Shoemaker Hankin was defending the thesis that all forms
+of religion might now be considered as done for, "except spiritualism."
+Even Hankin, who reverenced no thing in heaven or earth, had protested
+against the unprintable words which with Snarley greeted his logic;
+while the landlord (Tom Barter of happy memory), himself the lowest
+black-guard in the village, had suggested that he should "draw it mild."</p>
+
+<p>This reminds me that Snarley regarded strong drink as a means, and a
+legitimate means, for obtaining access to hidden things; nor did he
+scruple at times to use it for that end. "There's nowt like a drop o'
+drink <i>for openin' the door</i>," he remarked. "But only for them as is
+born to it. If you're not born to it, drink shuts the door on you
+tighter nor ever. There's not one man in ten that drink doesn't make a
+bigger fool of than he is already. Look at Shoemaker Hankin. Half a pint
+of cider'll set him hee-hawin' like the Rectory donkey. But there's some
+men as can't get a lift no other way. It's like that wi' me sometimes.
+There's weeks and weeks together when I'm fair stuck inside my own skin
+and can't get out on it nohow. That's when I know a drop'll do me good.
+I can a'most hear something go click in my head, and then I gets among
+'em" (the spirits) "in no time. A pint's mostly enough to do it; but
+sometimes it takes a quart; and once or twice I've had to go on till
+somebody's had to help me home. But when once I begins I never stops
+till I see the door openin'&mdash;and then not a drop more!"</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="SNARLEYCHOLOGY_II" id="SNARLEYCHOLOGY_II"></a>"SNARLEYCHOLOGY"</h2>
+
+<h3>II. EXPERIMENTAL</h3>
+
+
+<p>One day I was discussing with Mrs. Abel the oft-recurrent problem of
+Snarley's peculiar mental constitution, a subject to which she had given
+the name "Snarleychology."<a name="FNanchor_2_2" id="FNanchor_2_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_2_2" class="fnanchor">[2]</a> Her knowledge of the old man's ways was of
+longer date than mine, and she understood him infinitely better than I.
+"Suppose, now," I said "that Snarley had been able to express himself
+after the manner of superlative people like you and me, what would have
+come of it?" "Art," said Mrs. Abel, "and most probably poetry. He's just
+a mass of intuitions!" "What a pity they are inarticulate!" I answered,
+repeating the appropriate commonplace. "But they are not inarticulate,"
+said Mrs. Abel. "Snarley has found a medium of expression which gives
+him perfect satisfaction." "Then the poems ought to be in existence,"
+said I. "So they are," was the answer; "they exist in the shape of
+Farmer Perryman's big rams. The rams are the direct creations of genius
+working upon appropriate material. None but a dreamer of dreams could
+have brought them into being; every one of them is an embodied ideal.
+Don't make the blunder of thinking that Snarley's sheep-raising has
+nothing to do with his star-gazings and spirit-rappings. It's all one.
+Shakespeare writes <i>Hamlet</i>, and Snarley produces 'Thunderbolt.'<a name="FNanchor_3_3" id="FNanchor_3_3"></a><a href="#Footnote_3_3" class="fnanchor">[3]</a> To
+call Snarley inarticulate because he hasn't written a <i>Hamlet</i> is as
+absurd as it would be to call Shakespeare inarticulate because he didn't
+produce a 'Thunderbolt.' Both <i>Hamlet</i> and 'Thunderbolt' were born in
+the highest heaven of invention. Both are the fruit of intuitions
+concentrated on their object with incredible pertinacity."</p>
+
+<p>I was forced into silence for a time, bewildered by a statement which
+seemed to alternate between levelling the big things down to the little
+ones, and raising the little ones to the level of the big. When I had
+chewed this hard saying as well as I could, I bolted it for further
+digestion, and continued the conversation. "Has Snarley," I asked, "ever
+been tried with poetry, in the ordinary sense of the term?"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," said the lady, "an experiment was once made on him by Miss &mdash;&mdash;"
+(naming a literary counterpart to Lady Lottie Passingham), "who visited
+him in his cottage and insisted on reading him some poem of Whittier's.
+In ten minutes she was fleeing from the cottage in terror of her life,
+and no one has since repeated the experiment."</p>
+
+<p>"I think," I said, "that if you would consent to be the experimenter we
+might obtain better results."</p>
+
+<p>Now in one important respect Nature had dealt more bountifully with Mrs.
+Abel than with Lady Lottie Passingham. Though Mrs. Abel had no desire to
+reform the universe, and was conscious of no mission to that end, she
+possessed a voice which might have produced a revolution. It was a soft
+contralto, vibrant and rich, and tremulous with tones which the gods
+would have come from Olympus to hear. She never sang, but her speech was
+music, rich and rare. In early life, as I have said, she had been on the
+stage, and Art had completed the gifts of Nature. Here lay one of the
+secrets of her power over the soul of Snarley Bob. Her voice was
+hypnotic with all men, and Snarley yielded to it as to a spell.</p>
+
+<p>Another point which has its bearing on this, and also on what has to
+follow, is that Snarley had a passionate love for the song of the
+nightingale. The birds haunted the district in great numbers, and the
+time of their singing was the time when Snarley "let out his line" to
+its furthest limits. His love of the nightingale was coupled, strangely
+enough, with a hatred equally intense for the cuckoo. To the song of the
+cuckoo in early spring he was fairly tolerant; but in June, when, as
+everybody knows, "she changeth her tune," Snarley's rage broke forth
+into bitter persecution. He had invented a method of his own, which I
+shall not divulge, for snaring these birds; and whenever he caught them
+he promptly wrung their necks. For the same reason he would have been
+not unwilling to wring the necks of Lady Lottie Passingham and of the
+Literary Counterpart had they continued to pester him.</p>
+
+<p>Here then were the conditions from which we drew the materials for our
+conspiracy. Mrs. Abel, though at first reluctant, consented at last to
+play the active part in a new piece of experimental Snarleychology. It
+was determined that we would try our subject with poetry, and also that
+we would try him with "something big." For a long time we discussed what
+this something "big" was to be. Choice nearly fell on "A Grammarian's
+Funeral," but I am glad this was not adopted; for, though it represented
+very well our own views of Snarley Bob, I doubt if it would have
+appealed directly to the subject himself. At length one of us suggested
+Keats' "Ode to a Nightingale," to which the other immediately replied,
+"Why didn't we think of that before?" It was the very thing.</p>
+
+<p>But how were we to proceed? We knew very well that a deliberately
+planned attempt to "read something" to Snarley was sure to fail. He
+would suspect that we were "interested in him" in the way he always
+resented, or that we wanted to improve his mind, which was also a thing
+he could not bear. Still, we might practice a little artful deception.
+We might meet him together by accident in the quarry, as we had done
+before; and Mrs. Abel, after due preliminaries and a little leading-on
+about nightingales, might produce the volume from her pocket and read
+the poem. So it was arranged. But I think we parted that night with a
+feeling that we were going to do something ridiculous, and Mr. Abel told
+me quite frankly that we were a pair of precious fools.</p>
+
+<p>One lovely morning about the middle of April the desired meeting in the
+quarry was duly brought off. The lambing season was almost over, and
+Snarley was occupied in looking after a few belated ewes. We arrived, of
+course, separately; but there must have been something in our manner
+which put Snarley on his guard. He looked at us in turn with glances
+which plainly told that he suspected a planned attack on the isolation
+of his soul. Presently he lapsed into his most disagreeable manner, and
+his horse-like face began to wear a singularly brutal expression. It was
+one of his bad days; for some time he had evidently been "stuck in his
+skin," and probably intended to end his incarceration that very night by
+getting drunk. He was, in fact, determined to drive us away, and, though
+the presence of Mrs. Abel disarmed him of his worst insolence, he
+managed to become sufficiently unpleasant to make us both devoutly wish
+we were at the bottom of the hill. I shudder to think what would have
+happened in these circumstances to Lady Lottie Passingham or to the
+Literary Counterpart.</p>
+
+<p>The thing, however, had cost too much trouble to be lightly abandoned,
+and we did not relish the prospect of being greeted by peals of laughter
+if we returned defeated to the Rectory. In desperation, therefore, Mrs.
+Abel began to force the issue. "I'm told the nightingale was heard in
+the Rectory grounds last night, Snarley." "Nightingales be blowed,"
+replied the Subject. "I've no time to listen if there was a hundred
+singin'. I've been up with these blessed ewes three nights without a
+wink o' sleep, and we've lost two lambs as were got by 'Thunderbolt.'"
+"Well, some time, when you are not quite so busy, I want you to hear
+what a great man has written about the nightingale," said Mrs. Abel. She
+spoke in a rather forced voice, which suggested the persuasive tones of
+the village curate when addressing a church-full of naughty children at
+the afternoon service.</p>
+
+<p>"<i>I</i> don't want to hear it," said Snarley, whose suspicions were now
+raised to certitude, "and, what's more, I <i>won't</i> hear it. What's the
+good? If anybody's been talkin' about nightingales, it's sure to be
+rubbish. Nightingales is things you can't talk about, but only listen
+to. No, thank you, my lady. When I wants nightingales, I'll go and hear
+'em. I don't want to know what nobody had said about 'em. Besides, I've
+too much to think about with these 'ere ewes. There's one lyin' dead
+behind them stones as I've got to bury. She died last night;" and he
+began to ply us with disgusting details about the premature confinement
+of a sheep.</p>
+
+<p>It was all over. Mrs. Abel remounted her horse, and presently rode down
+the hill. When she had gone fifty yards or so, she took a little
+calf-bound volume of Keats from her pocket and held it aloft. The signal
+was not difficult to read. "Yes," it said, "we <i>are</i> a pair of precious
+fools."</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+
+<p>Five months elapsed, during which I neither saw nor much desired to see
+Mrs. Abel. The harvest was now gathered, and the event was to be
+celebrated by a "harvest home" in the Perrymans' big barn. They were
+kind enough to send me the usual invitation, which I accepted "with
+pleasure"&mdash;a phrase in which, for once in my frequent use of it, I spoke
+the truth. The prospect of going down to Deadborough served, of course,
+to revive the painful memory of our humiliating defeat. Looked at in the
+perspective of time, our enterprise stood out in all its essential
+folly. But I have frequently found that the contemplation of a past
+mistake has a strange tendency to cause its repetition; and it was so in
+this case. For it suddenly occurred to me that this "harvest home" might
+give us an opportunity for a flank attack on the soul of Snarley Bob,
+whereby we might retrieve the disaster of our frontal operations on
+Quarry Hill. I lost no time in divulging my plan in the proper quarters.
+Mrs. Abel replied exactly as Lambert did when Cromwell, "walking in the
+garden of Brocksmouth House," told him of that sudden bright idea for
+rolling up the Scottish army at Dunbar&mdash;"She had meant to say the same
+thing." The plan was simple enough; but had its execution rested with
+any other person than Mrs. Abel&mdash;with the Literary Counterpart, for
+example&mdash;it would have miscarried as completely as its fore-runner.</p>
+
+<p>The company assembled in the Perrymans' barn consisted of the labouring
+population of three large farms, men and women, all dressed in their
+Sunday best. To these were added, as privileged outsiders, his Reverence
+and Mrs. Abel, the popular stationmaster of Deadborough, Tom Barter&mdash;who
+supplied the victuals&mdash;and myself. Good meat, of course, was in
+abundance, and good drink also&mdash;the understanding with regard to the
+latter being that, though you might go the length of getting "pretty
+lively," you must stop short of getting drunk.</p>
+
+<p>The proceedings commenced in comparative silence, the rustics
+communicating with one another only by such whispers as might be
+perpetrated in church. But this did not last very long. From the moment
+the first turn was given to the tap in the cider-barrel, the attentive
+observer might have detected a rapid crescendo of human voices, which
+rose into a roar long before the end of the feast. When all had eaten
+their fill, songs were called for, and "Master" Perryman, of course, led
+off with "The Farmer's Boy."</p>
+
+<p>Others followed. I was struck by the fact that nearly all the songs were
+of an extremely melancholy nature&mdash;the chief objects celebrated by the
+Muse being withered flowers, little coffins, the corpses of sweethearts,
+last farewells, and hopeless partings on the lonely shore. Tears flow;
+ladies sigh; voices choke; hearts break; children die; lovers prove
+untrue. It was tragic, and I confess I could have wept myself&mdash;not at
+the songs, for they were stupid enough,&mdash;but to think of the grey
+lugubrious life whose keynote was all too truly struck by this morbid,
+melancholy stuff.</p>
+
+<p>Tom Barter, who had been in the army, and was just convalescent from a
+bad turn of <i>delirium tremens</i>, sang a song about a dying soldier,
+visited on his gory bed by a succession of white-robed spirits,
+including his little sister, his aged mother, and a young female with a
+babe, whom the dying hero appeared to have treated none too well.</p>
+
+<p>The song was vigorously encored, and Tom at once responded with a
+second&mdash;and I have no doubt, genuine&mdash;barrack-room ballad. The hero of
+this ditty is a "Lancer bold." He is duly wetted with tears before his
+departure for the wars; but is cheered up at the last moment by the
+lady's assurance that she will meet him on his return in "a carriage
+gay." Arrived at the front, he performs the usual prodigies: slashes his
+way through the smoke, spikes the enemy's guns, and spears
+"Afghanistan's chieftains" right and left. He then returns to England,
+dreaming of wedding bells, and we next see him on the deck of a
+troop-ship, scanning the expectant throng on the shore and asking
+himself, "Where, oh where, is that carriage gay?" Of course, it isn't
+there, and the disconsolate Lancer at once repairs to the "smiling"
+village whence the lady had intended to issue in the carriage. Here he
+is met by "a jet-black hearse with nodding plumes," seeks information
+from the weeping bystanders, and has his worst suspicions confirmed. He
+compares the gloomy vehicle before him with the "carriage gay" of his
+dreams, and, having sufficiently elaborated the contrast, resolves to
+end his blighted existence on the lady's grave. How he spends the next
+interval is not told; but towards midnight we find him in the churchyard
+with his "trusty" weapon in his hand. This, in keeping with the unities,
+should have been a lance; but apparently the Lancer was armed on some
+mixed principle known to the War Office, and allowed to take his pick of
+weapons before going on leave; for presently a shot rings out, and one
+of England's stoutest champions is no more.</p>
+
+<p>During the singing of this song I noticed a poorly clad girl, with a
+sweet, intelligent face, put a handkerchief to her mouth and stifle a
+sob. She quietly made her way towards the barn door, and presently
+slipped out into the night.</p>
+
+<p>The thing had not escaped the notice of Snarley Bob, and I could see
+wrath in his eyes. Being near him, I asked what it meant. "By God!" he
+said, "it's a good job for Tom Barter as the rheumatiz has crippled my
+old hands. If I could only double my fist, I'd put a mark on his silly
+jaw as 'ud stop him singing that song for many a day to come. Not that
+there's any sense in it. But it's just because there's no sense in 'em
+that such songs oughtn't to be sung. See that young woman go out just
+now? Well, she's in a decline, and knows as she can't last very long.
+And she's got a young man in India&mdash;in the same battery as our Bill&mdash;as
+nice and straight a lad as ever you see."</p>
+
+<p>Another song was called "Fallen Leaves," the singer being a son of Peter
+Shott, the local preacher&mdash;a young man of dissipated appearance, with a
+white face and an excellent tenor voice. This song, of course, was a
+disquisition on the evanescence of all things here below. Each verse
+began "I saw," and ended with the refrain:</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Fallen leaves, fallen leaves!<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">With woe untold my bosom heaves,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Fallen leaves, fallen leaves!"<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>"I saw," said the song, a mixed assortment of decaying glories&mdash;among
+them, a pair of lovers on a seat, a Christmas family party, a rosebush,
+a railway accident on Bank Holiday, a rake's deathbed, a battlefield, an
+oak tree in its pride, and the same oak in process of being converted by
+an undertaker into a coffin for the poet's only friend. All these and
+many more the poet "saw" and buried in his fallen leaves, assuring the
+world that his bosom heaved with woe untold for every one of them.</p>
+
+<p>Tom Barter, who was the leading emotionalist in the parish, was visibly
+affected, his bosom heaving in a manner which the poet himself could not
+have excelled; while his poor anæmic wife, who had hesitated about
+coming to the feast because her eye was still discoloured from the blow
+Tom had given her last week, feebly expressed the hope "that it would do
+him good."</p>
+
+<p>So it went on. Whatever jocund rebecks may have sounded in the England
+of long ago, their strains found no echo in the funeral ditties of the
+Perrymans' feast.</p>
+
+<p>Snarley Bob, in whom the drink had kindled some hankering for eternal
+splendours, was well content with the singing of "The Farmer's Boy," and
+joined in the chorus with the remnants of a once mighty voice. After
+that he became restless and increasingly snappish; his face darkened at
+"Fallen Leaves," and he began to look positively dangerous when a young
+man who was a railway porter in town, now home for a holiday, made a
+ghastly attempt at merriment by singing a low-class music-hall catch.
+What he would have done or said I do not know, for at that moment the
+announcement was made which the reader has been expecting&mdash;that Mrs.
+Abel would give a recitation.</p>
+
+<p>"Now," said Snarley to his neighbour, "we shall have summat like." His
+whole being sprang to attention. He rapidly knocked out the ashes of his
+pipe, refilled, and lit; and, folding his arms before him on the table,
+leant forward to listen. For my part, I took a convenient station where
+I could watch Snarley, as Hamlet watched the king in the play. He was
+far too intent on Mrs. Abel to notice me.</p>
+
+<p>The barn was dimly lighted, and the speaker, standing far back from the
+end of the table, was in deep shadow and almost invisible. Has the
+reader ever heard a voice which trembles with emotions gathered up from
+countless generations of human experience&mdash;a voice in which the memories
+of ages, the designs of Nature, the woes and triumphs of evolving worlds
+become articulate; a voice that speaks a language not of words, but of
+things, transmuting the eternal laws to tones, and pouring into the soul
+by their means a stream of solicitations to the secret springs of the
+buried life? Such voices there are: Wordsworth heard one of them in the
+song of "The Solitary Reaper." In such a voice, rolling forth from the
+shadows, and in exquisite articulation, there came to us these words:</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness steals my sense,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">As though of hemlock I had drunk,<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Or emptied some dull opiate to the drains,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">One minute past, and Lethewards had sunk."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>The noisy crew were hushed: silence fell like a palpable thing. Snarley
+Bob shifted his position: he raised his arms from the table, grasped his
+chin with his right hand; with his left he took the pipe from his mouth,
+and pointed its stem at the speaker; his features relaxed, and then
+fixed into the immobility of the worshipping saint.</p>
+
+<p>Observation was difficult; for I, too, was half hypnotised by the voice
+from the shadows; but what I remember I will tell.</p>
+
+<p>The voice has now finished the second verse, and is entering the third,
+the note slightly raised, and with a tone like that of a wailing wind:</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"That I might drink and leave the world unseen,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">And, with thee, fade away into the forest dim.<br /></span>
+</div><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">Fade far away, dissolve, and quite forget<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">What thou among the leaves hast never known."<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>Snarley Bob rises erect in his place, still holding his chin with his
+right hand, and with the left pointing his pipe, as before, at the
+speaker. The rigid arm is trembling violently, and Snarley, with
+half-open mouth, is drawing his breath in gulps. Someone, his wife I
+think, tries to make him sit down. He detaches his right hand, and
+violently thrusts her away.</p>
+
+<p>For some minutes he remains in this attitude. The verse:</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"Thou wast not born for death, immortal bird,"<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>is now reached, and I can see that violent tremors are passing through
+Snarley's frame. His head has sunk towards his breast, and is shaking;
+his right arm has fallen to his side, the fingers hooked as though he
+would clench his fist. Thus he stands, his head jerking now and then
+into an upright position, and shaking more and more. He has ceased to
+point at the speaker; the pipe is on the table. Thus to the end.</p>
+
+<p>Somebody claps; another feebly knocks his glass on the board; there is a
+general whisper of "Hush!" Snarley Bob has sunk on to the bench; he
+folds his arms on the table, rests his head upon them as a tired man
+would do; a tremor shakes him once or twice; then he closes his eyes,
+and is still. He has apparently fallen asleep.</p>
+
+<p>No one, save myself, has paid much attention to Snarley, who is at the
+end of the room furthest from Mrs. Abel. But now his attitude is
+noticed, and somebody says, "Hullo, Snarley's had a drop too much this
+time. Give him a shake-up, missis."</p>
+
+<p>The "shake-up," however, is not needed. For Snarley, after a few minutes
+of apparent sleep, raises his head, looks round him, and again stands
+upright. A flood of incoherencies, spoken in a high-pitched, whining
+voice, pours from his lips. Now and then comes a clear sentence, mingled
+with fragments of the poem&mdash;these in a startling reproduction of Mrs.
+Abel's tones&mdash;thus: "The gentleman's callin' for drink. Why don't they
+bring him drink? Here, young woman, bring him a pint o' ale, and put
+three-ha'porth of gin in it&mdash;the door's openin', and he's goin' through.
+He'll soon be there&mdash;</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"'Fade far away, dissolve, and quite forget<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">What thou among the leaves hast never known.'<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>All right&mdash;it's bloomin' well all right&mdash;don't give him any more.</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"'Now more than ever seems it rich to die,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">To cease upon the midnight with no pain.'<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>&mdash;It's the Passing Bell.&mdash;What are they ringing it for?&mdash;He's not
+dead&mdash;he'll come back again when he's ready.&mdash;Stop 'em ringing that
+bell!</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"'Forlorn! the very word is like a bell<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">To toll me back from thee to my sole self.'<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>All right&mdash;he's comin' back.&mdash;Nightingales!&mdash;Who wants to hear about a
+lot o' bloomin' nightingales. <i>I</i> don't. <i>I'm</i> all right&mdash;get me a cup
+o' tea.&mdash;It's Tom Barter who's drunk, not me!</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"'Where beauty cannot keep her lustrous eyes,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Or new love pine at them beyond to-morrow.'<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>The mail goes o' Fridays&mdash;K Battery, Peshawur, Punjaub&mdash;O my God, let
+Bill tell him!&mdash;Shut up, you blasted old fool, or I'll knock yer silly
+head off! <i>You'll</i> never get there!&mdash;What do <i>you</i> know about
+nightingales? I heard 'em singin' for hundreds and thousands of years
+before <i>you</i> were born:</p>
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"'Thou was not born for death, immortal bird,<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">No hungry generations tread thee down;<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">The voice I heard this passing night was heard<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">In ancient days, by Emperor and clown:<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">Perhaps the self-same voice that found a path<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Through the sad heart of Ruth, when, sick for home,<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">She stood in tears amid the alien corn,<br /></span>
+<span class="i6">The same that ofttimes hath<br /></span>
+<span class="i2">Charmed magic casements, opening on the foam<br /></span>
+<span class="i4">Of perilous seas, in faery lands forlorn.'"<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<p>The whole of this verse was a reproduction of Mrs. Abel's rendering,
+spoken in a voice not unlike hers, and with scarcely the falter of a
+syllable. It was followed by a few seconds of incoherent babble, at the
+end of which tremors again broke out over Snarley's body; he swayed to
+and fro, and his head fell forward on his chest. "Catch hold of him, or
+he'll fall," cried somebody. Then a medley of voices&mdash;"Give him a drop
+of brandy!" "No, don't you see he's dead drunk a'ready?" "Drunk! not
+'im. Do you think he could imitate Mrs. Abel like that if he was drunk?"
+"Take them gels out o' the barn as quick as you can!" "If she don't stop
+shriekin' when you get 'er home, throw a bucket o' cold water over her.
+It's only 'isterics." "Well, I've seed a lot o' queer things in my time,
+and I've knowed Snarley to do some rum tricks, but I never seed nowt
+like <i>that</i>." "Oh dear, sir, I never felt so upset in all my life. It
+isn't <i>right</i>! Somebody ought to ha' stopped 'im. I wonder Mr. Abel
+didn't interfere." "That there poem o' Mrs. Abel's was a'most too much
+for me. But to think o' <i>him</i> gettin' up like that! It must be Satan
+that's got into him." "It's a awful thing to 'ave a man like that livin'
+in the next cottage to your own. I'll be frightened out o' my wits when
+my master's not at 'ome." "They ought to <i>do</i> something to 'im&mdash;I've
+said so many a time."</p>
+
+<p>And then the voice of Snarley's wife as she chafed her husband's hands:
+"No, sir, don't you believe 'em when they say he's drunk. He's only had
+two glasses of cider and half a glass o' beer. You can see the other
+half in his glass now. I counted 'em myself. And it takes quarts to make
+'im tipsy. It's a sort of trance, sir, as he's had. I've knowed him like
+this two or three times before. He was <i>just</i> like it after he'd been to
+hear Sir Robert Ball on the stars, sir&mdash;worse, if anythin'. He's gettin'
+better now; but I'm afraid he'll be terrible upset."</p>
+
+<p>Snarley had opened his eyes, and was looking vacantly and sleepily round
+him. "I'll go home," was all he said. He got up and walked rather
+shakily, but without assistance, out of the barn.</p>
+
+<p>A few minutes later Mrs. Abel came up to me. "We were fools five months
+ago," she said; "but what are we now?"</p>
+
+<p>"Criminals, most likely," I replied.</p>
+
+<p>"And if you do it again, you'll be murderers," said Mr. Abel, in a tone
+of severity.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="A_MIRACLE_I" id="A_MIRACLE_I"></a>A MIRACLE</h2>
+
+<h3>I</h3>
+
+
+<p>In early life Chandrapál had been engaged in the practice of the law,
+and had held a position of some honour under the Crown. But as the years
+wore on the ties which bound him to the world of sense were severed one
+by one, and he was now released. By the study of the Vedanta, by ascetic
+discipline, and by the daily practice of meditation undertaken at
+regular hours, he had attained the Great Peace; and those who knew the
+signs of such attainment reverenced him as a holy man. His influence was
+great, his fidelity was unquestioned, and his fame as a teacher and sage
+had been carried far beyond his native land.</p>
+
+<p>Chandrapál was versed in the lore of the West. He had studied the
+history, the politics, the literature and philosophy of the great
+nations, and could quote their poets and their sages with copiousness
+and aptitude. He had written a commentary on <i>Faust</i>. He also read, and
+sometimes expounded, the New Testament; and he held the Christian Gospel
+in high esteem.</p>
+
+<p>Among the philosophers of the West it was Spinoza to whom he gave the
+place of highest honour. Regarding the Great Peace as the ultimate
+object of human attainment, he held that Spinoza alone had found a clear
+path to the goal; since then European thought had been continually
+decadent.</p>
+
+<p>Though far advanced in life, Chandrapál had never seen Western
+civilisation face to face until the year when we are about to meet him.
+He travelled to America by way of Japan, and Vancouver was the first
+Western city in which he set his foot. There he looked around him with
+bewildered eyes, gaining no clear impression, save in the negative sense
+that the city contained nothing to remind him of Spinoza or of the
+Nazarene. It was not that he expected to find a visible embodiment of
+their teaching in everything he saw; Chandrapál was too wise for that.
+But he hoped that somewhere and in some form the Truth, which for him
+these teachers symbolised in common, would show itself as a living
+thing. It might be that he would see it on some human face; or he might
+feel it in the atmosphere; or he might hear it in the voice of a man.
+Chandrapál knew that he had much to see and to discover; but in all his
+travels it was for this that he kept incessant watch.</p>
+
+<p>From Vancouver he passed south to San Francisco; thence, city by city,
+he threaded his way across the United States and found himself in New
+York. All that he had seen so far gathered itself into one vast picture
+of a world fast bound in the chains of error and groaning for
+deliverance from its misery. In New York the misery seemed to deepen and
+the groanings to redouble. But of this he said nothing. He let the
+universities fête him; he let the millionaires entertain him in their
+great houses; he delivered lectures on the wisdom of the East, and,
+though a kindly criticism would now and then escape him, he gave no hint
+of his great pity for Western men. He was the most courteous, the most
+delightful of guests.</p>
+
+<p>Arrived in England, he received the same impression and practised the
+same reserve. Wherever he went a rumour spread before him, and men
+waited for his coming as though the ancient mysteries were about to be
+unsealed. The curious cross-examined him; the bewildered appealed to
+him; the poor heard him gladly, and famished souls, eager for a morsel
+of comfort from the groaning table of the East, hovered about his steps.
+He preached in churches where the wandering prophet is welcomed; he
+broke bread with the kings of knowledge and of song; he sat in the seats
+of the mighty and received honour as one to whom honour is due.</p>
+
+<p>To all this he responded with a gratitude which was sincere; but his
+deeper gratitude was for the Powers by whose ordering he had been born
+neither an Englishman nor a Christian, but a Hindu.</p>
+
+<p>Here, as in America, he looked about him observingly and pondered the
+meaning of what he saw. But he understood it not, and went hither and
+thither like a man in a dream. In his Indian home he had studied Western
+civilisation from the books which tell of its mighty works and its
+religion; and, so studied, it had seemed to him an intelligible thing.
+But, seen with the naked eye, it appeared incomprehensible, nay,
+incredible. Its bigness oppressed him, its variety confused him, its
+restlessness made him numb. Values seemed to be inverted, perspectives
+to be distorted, good and evil to be transposed: "in" meant "out," and
+Death did duty for Life. Chandrapál could not take the point of view,
+and finally concluded there was no point of view to take. He could not
+frame his visions into coherence, and therefore judged that he was
+looking at chaos. Sometimes he would doubt the reality of what he saw,
+and would recollect himself and seek for evidence that he was awake.
+"Can such things be?" he would say to himself; "for this people has
+turned all things upside down. Their happiness is misery, their wisdom
+is bewilderment, their truth is self-deception, their speech is a
+disguise, their science is the parent of error, their life is a process
+of suicide, their god is the worm that dieth not and the fire that is
+not quenched. What is believed is not professed, and what is professed
+is not believed. In yonder place"&mdash;he was looking at London&mdash;"there is
+darkness and misery enough for seven hells. Verily they have already
+come to judgment and been condemned."</p>
+
+<p>So thought Chandrapál. But his mistake, if it was one, offended nobody;
+for he held his peace about these things.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+
+<p>There came a day when the folk of Deadborough were started from their
+wonted apathy by the apparition of a Strange Man. They saw him first as
+he drove from the station in a splendid carriage-and-pair, with a
+coronet on its panels. Seated in the carriage was a venerable being with
+a swarthy countenance and headgear of the whitest&mdash;such was the brief
+vision. Other carriages followed in due course, for there was an
+illustrious house-party at Deadborough Hall&mdash;the owner of which was not
+only a slayer of pheasants, but a reader of books and a student of
+things. He had gathered together the Bishop of the Diocese, a Cabinet
+Minister, two eminent philosophers, the American Ambassador, a leading
+historian, and a Writer on the Mystics. To these was added&mdash;for he
+deserves a sentence to himself&mdash;an Orientalist of world-wide reputation.
+All were gathered for the purpose of meeting Chandrapál.</p>
+
+<p>By the charm of his manners, by his urbanity, by his brilliant and
+thought-provoking conversation, the Oriental repaid his host a hundred
+times over. To most of his fellow-guests he played the part of teacher,
+while seeming to act that of disciple; but to none was his manner so
+deferential and his air of attention so profound as to the great
+Orientalist. And yet in the secret heart of Chandrapál this was the man
+for whom he felt the deepest compassion. He found, indeed, that the
+great man's reputation had not belied him; he was versed in the wisdom
+of the East and in the tongues which had spoken it; he knew the path to
+the Great Peace as well as the sage knew it himself; but when Chandrapál
+looked into his restless eyes and heard the hard tones of his voice, he
+perceived that no soul on earth was further from the Great Peace than
+this.</p>
+
+<p>With the two philosophers Chandrapál spent many hours in close debate.
+He spoke to them of the Bhagavad Gita and of Spinoza. He found that of
+the Bhagavad Gita they knew little&mdash;and they cared less. Of Spinoza they
+knew much and understood nothing&mdash;thus thought he. So he turned to other
+topics and conversed fluently on the matters dearest to their
+hearts&mdash;namely, their own works, with which he was well acquainted.
+They, on their part, had never met a listener more sympathetic, a critic
+more acute. Chandrapál left upon them the impression of his immense
+capacity for assimilating the products of Western thought; also the
+belief that they had thoroughly rifled his brains.</p>
+
+<p>Meanwhile he was thinking thus within himself: "These men are keepers of
+shops, like the rest of their nation. Their merchandise is the thoughts
+of God, which they defile with wordy traffic, understanding them not.
+They have no reverence for their masters; their souls are poisoned with
+self; therefore the Light is not in them, and they know not the good
+from the evil. The word of the Truth is on their lips, but it lives not
+in their hearts. Moreover, they are robbers; and even as their fathers
+stole my country so they would capture the secrets of my soul&mdash;that they
+may sell them for money and increase their traffic. But to none such
+shall the treasure be given. I will walk with them in the outer courts;
+but the innermost chamber they shall not so much as see."</p>
+
+<p>With the Cabinet Minister Chandrapál had this in common&mdash;that both were
+lawyers and servants of the Crown. Thus a basis of intercourse was
+established&mdash;were it only in the fact that each man understood the
+official reserve of the other. The first day of their acquaintance was
+passed by each in reconnoitring the other's position and deciding on a
+plan of campaign. The Minister concluded that there were three burning
+topics which it would be unwise to discuss with Chandrapál. Chandrapál
+perceived what these topics were, knew the Minister's reasons for
+avoiding them, and reflected with some satisfaction that they were
+matters on which he also had no desire to talk. His real object was to
+penetrate the Minister's mind in quite another direction, and he saw
+that this astute diplomatist had not the slightest suspicion of what he
+was after. This, of course, gave the tactical advantage to the Indian.</p>
+
+<p>Now Chandrapál was more subtle than all the guests in Deadborough Hall.
+With great adroitness he managed to introduce the very topics on which,
+as he well knew, the Minister had resolved not to express himself; but
+he took care on each occasion to provide the other with an opportunity
+for talking about something else. This something else had been carefully
+chosen by Chandrapál, and it was a line of escape which led by very
+gradual approaches to the thing he wanted to find out. The Minister had
+won a great reputation in beating the diplomatists of Europe at their
+own game; but he had never before directly encountered the subtlety of
+an Oriental mind. Stepping aside from the dangerous spots to which the
+other was continually leading him, he put his foot on each occasion into
+the real trap; and thus, by the end of the third day, he had revealed
+what the Indian valued more than all the secrets of the British Cabinet.
+Meanwhile the Minister had conceived an intense dislike to Chandrapál,
+which he disguised under a mask he had long used for such purposes; at
+the same time he flattered himself on the ease with which he outwitted
+this wily man.</p>
+
+<p>Chandrapál, on his side, reflected thus: "Behold the misery of them that
+know not the Truth. This man flatters the people; but in his heart he
+despises them. Those whom he leads he knows to be blind, and his trade
+is to persuade them that they can see. The Illusion has made them mad;
+none sees whither he is going; the next step may plunge them all into
+the pit; they live for they know not what. All this is known to yonder
+man; and, being unenlightened, he has no way of escape, but yields to
+his destiny, which is, that he shall be the bond-servant of lies." In
+short, the discovery which the Oriental believed himself to have made
+was this&mdash;that neither the Great Man before him, nor the millions whom
+he led, had the faintest conception of the Meaning of Life; and,
+further, that the Great Man was aware of his ignorance and troubled by
+it, whereas the millions knew it not and were at their ease.</p>
+
+<p>With the Writer on Mystics he was reserved to the point of coldness. In
+this man's presence Chandrapál felt that he was being regarded as an
+"interesting case" for analysis. So he wrapped himself in a mantle
+impervious to professional scrutiny, and gave answers which could not be
+worked up into a chapter for any book. The Writer was disappointed in
+Chandrapál, and Chandrapál had no satisfaction in the Writer. "This
+man," he thought, "has studied the Light until he has become blind. He
+would speak of the things which belong to Silence. He is the most deeply
+entangled of them all."</p>
+
+<p>Fortunately for Chandrapál, there were children in the house, and these
+alone succeeded in finding the path to his heart. There was one Little
+Fellow of five years who continually haunted the drawing-room when he
+was there, hiding behind screens or the backs of arm-chairs, and staring
+at the Strange Man with wide eyes and finger in mouth. One day, when he
+was reading, the Little Fellow crept up to his chair on hands and knees
+and began industriously rubbing the dark wrist of the Indian with his
+wetted finger. "It dothn't come off," said the Little Fellow. From that
+moment he and the Strange Man became the fastest of friends and were
+seldom far apart.</p>
+
+<p>Except for this companionship it may be said that never since leaving
+his native land was the spirit of Chandrapál more solitary nor more
+aloof from the things and the persons around him. Never did he despair
+so utterly of beholding that which he was most eager to find. Only when
+in the company of the Little Fellow, and in the hours reserved for
+meditation, was he able to shake off the sense of oppression and recover
+the balance of his soul. At these times he would quit the talkers and go
+forth alone into unfrequented places. Nowhere else, he thought, could a
+land be found more inviting than this to those moods of inward silence
+and content, whence the soul may pass, at a single step, into the
+ineffable beatitude of the Great Peace. Full, now, of the sense of
+harmony between himself and his visible environment, he would penetrate
+as far as he could into the forests and the hills. He would take his
+seat beside the brook; he would say to himself in his own tongue, "This
+water has been flowing all night long," and at the thought his mind
+would sink deep into itself; and presently the trees, the rocks, the
+fields, the skies, nay, his own body, would seem to melt into the
+movement of the flowing stream, and the Self of Chandrapál, freed from
+all entanglements and poised at the centre of Being, would gaze on the
+River of Eternal Flux.</p>
+
+<p>One day, while thus engaged, standing on a bridge which carried a
+by-road over the stream, a shock passed through him: the stillness was
+broken as by thunder, the vision fled, and the entanglements fell over
+him like a gladiator's net. A motor, coming round a dangerous bend, had
+just missed him; and he stood covered with dust. Chandrapál saw and
+understood, and then, closing his eyes and making a mighty effort, shook
+the entanglements from his soul, and sank back swiftly upon the Centre
+of Poise.</p>
+
+<p>The car stopped, and a white-haired woman alighted. A moment later there
+was a touch on the arm, and a human voice was calling to him from the
+world of shadows. "I beg a thousand pardons," said Mrs. Abel; "the
+driver was careless. Thank Heaven, you are unhurt; but the thing is an
+injury, and you are a stranger. My house is here; come with me, and you
+shall have water."</p>
+
+<p>What more was said I do not know. But when some hours later Chandrapál
+returned on foot to the Hall he walked lightly, for the load of pity had
+been lifted from his heart. To one who was with him he said: "The Wisdom
+of the Nazarene still lives in this land, but it is hidden and obscure,
+and those who would find it must search far and long, as I have
+searched. Why are the Enlightened so few; for the Truth is simple and
+near at hand? The light is here, 'but the darkness comprehendeth it
+not.' Is not that so? The men in yonder house, who will soon be talking,
+are the slaves of their own tongues; but this woman with the voice of
+music is the mistress of her speech. They are of the darkness: she of
+the light. But perhaps," he added, "she is not of your race."</p>
+
+<p>Thus the Thing for which Chandrapál had never ceased to watch since his
+foot touched Western soil was first revealed to him; thus also the
+secret of his own heart, which he had guarded so long from the intrusion
+of the "wise," was first suffered to escape. He had lit his beacon and
+seen the answering fire.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+
+<p>Several months elapsed, during which Chandrapál continued his travels,
+visiting the capitals of Europe, interviewing German Professors, and
+seeing more and more of the Great Illusion (for so he deemed it) which
+is called "Progress" in the West. He met reformers everywhere, and
+studied their schemes for amending the world; he heard debates in many
+parliaments, and did obeisance to several kings; he visited the
+institutions where day by day the wounded are brought from the battle,
+and where medicaments are poured into the running sores of Society; he
+went to churches, and heard every conceivable variety of Christian
+doctrine; he sat in the lecture-halls of socialists, secularists,
+anarchists, and irreconcilables of every sort; he made acquaintance with
+the inventors of new religions; he saw the Modern Drama in London,
+Paris, Berlin, and Vienna; he attended political meetings and listened
+to great orators; he was taken to reviews and beheld the marching of
+Armies and the manoeuvring of Fleets; he was shown an infinity of
+devices for making wheels go round, and was told of coming inventions
+that would turn them faster still. All these and many more such things
+passed in vision before him; but nothing stirred his admiration, nothing
+provoked his envy, nothing disturbed his fixed belief that Western
+civilization was an air-born bubble and a consummation not to be
+desired.</p>
+
+<p>"The disease of this people is incurable," he thought, "because they are
+ignorant of the Origin of Sorrow. Hence they heal their woe at one end
+and augment its sources at the other. But as for me, I will hold my
+peace; for there is none here, no, not even the wisest, who would hear
+or understand. Never will the Light break forth upon them till the East
+has again conquered the West."</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="A_MIRACLE_II" id="A_MIRACLE_II"></a>A MIRACLE</h2>
+
+<h3>II</h3>
+
+
+<p>When all these things had been accomplished Chandrapál was again in
+Deadborough&mdash;a guest at the Rectory. It was Billy Rowe, an urchin of
+ten, who informed me of the arrival. Billy had just been let out of
+school, and was in the act of picking up a stone to throw at Lina Potts,
+whom he bitterly hated, when the Rectory carriage drove past the village
+green. At once every hand, including Billy's, went promptly to the
+corner of its owner's mouth, hoops were suspended in mid-career, and
+half-sucked lollipops, in process of transference from big sisters to
+little brothers were allowed an interval for getting dry. The carriage
+passed; stones, hoops, and lollipops resumed their circulation, and by
+five o'clock in the afternoon the news of Chandrapál's arrival was
+waiting for the returning labourer in every cottage in Deadborough.</p>
+
+<p>That night I repaired to the Nag's Head, for I knew that the arrival
+would have a favourable effect on the size of the "house." I am not
+addicted, let me say, to Tom Barter's vile liquors; but I have some
+fondness for the psychology of a village pub, and I was in hopes that
+the conversation in this instance would be instructive. An unusually
+large company was assembled, and to that extent I was not disappointed.
+But in respect of the conversation it must be confessed that I drew a
+blank. The tongues of the talkers seemed to be paralysed by the very
+event which I had hoped would set them all wagging. It was evident that
+every man present had come in the hopes that his neighbour would have
+something to say about Chandrapál, and thus provide an opening for his
+own eloquence. But nobody gave a lead, the whole company being
+apparently in presence of a speech-defying portent. At last I broke the
+ice by an allusion to the arrival. "Ah," said one. "Oh," said another.
+"Indeed," said a third. "You don't say so," said a fourth. At length one
+venturesome spirit remarked, "I hear as he's a great man in his own
+country." "I dare say he is," replied the village butcher, with the air
+of one to whom the question of human greatness was a matter of absolute
+indifference. That was the end. Shortly afterwards I left, and presently
+overtook Snarley Bob, who had preceded me. "Did you ever see such a lot
+o' tongue-tied lunatics?" said Snarley. "What made them silent?" I
+asked. "They'd got too much to say," answered Snarley, and then added,
+rather mischievously, "They were only waitin' to begin till <i>you'd</i>
+gone. If you was to go back now, you'd hear 'em barkin' like a pack o'
+hounds."</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+
+<p>Among the many good offices for which Snarley had to thank Mrs. Abel,
+not the least was her systematic protection of him from the intrusions
+of the curious. Plenty of people had heard of him, and there were not
+wanting many who were anxious to put his soul under the scalpel, in the
+interests of Science. Mrs. Abel was the channel through which they
+usually attempted to act. But she knew very well that the thing was
+futile, not to say dangerous. For some of the instincts of the wild
+animal had survived in Snarley, of which perhaps the most marked was his
+refusal to submit to the scrutiny of human eyes. To study him was almost
+as difficult as to study the tiger in the jungle. At the faintest sound
+of inquisitive footsteps he would retreat, hiding himself in some place,
+or, more frequently, in some manner, whither it was almost impossible to
+follow; and if, as sometimes happened, his pursuers pressed hard and
+sought to drive him out of his fastness, he would break out upon them in
+a way for which they were not prepared, and give them a shock which
+effectually forbade all further attempts. Such a result was unprofitable
+to Science and injurious to Snarley. For these reasons Mrs. Abel had
+come to a definite conclusion that the cause of Science was not to be
+advanced by introducing its votaries to Snarley Bob; and when they came
+to the Rectory, as they sometimes did, she abstained from mentioning his
+name, failed to answer when questioned, and took care, so far as she
+could, that the old man should be left undisturbed.</p>
+
+<p>But the reasons which led to this decision had no force in the case of
+Chandrapál. She was certain that Chandrapál would not treat Snarley as a
+mere abnormal specimen of human nature, a <i>corpus vile</i> for scientific
+investigation. She knew that the two men had something, nay, much, in
+common; and she believed that the ground of intercourse would be
+established the instant that Snarley heard the stranger's voice.</p>
+
+<p>Nevertheless, the matter was difficult. It was well-nigh impossible to
+determine the conditions under which Snarley would be at his best, and,
+whatever arrangements were made, his animal shyness might spoil them
+all. To take him by surprise was known to be dangerous; and we had
+already found to our cost that the attempt to deceive him by the
+pretence of an accidental meeting was pretty certain to end in disaster.
+How Mrs. Abel succeeded in bringing the thing off I don't know. There
+may have been bribery and corruption (for Snarley's character had not
+been formed from the fashion-books of any known order of mystics), and,
+though I saw nothing to suggest this method, I know nothing to exclude
+it&mdash;as a working hypothesis. But be that as it may, the arrangement was
+made that on a certain Wednesday evening Snarley was to come down to the
+Rectory and attend in the garden for the coming of Chandrapál. I had
+already learnt to regard Mrs. Abel as a worker of miracles to whom few
+things were impossible; but this conquest of Snarley's reluctance to be
+interviewed, and in a manner so exceptional, has always impressed me as
+one of her greatest achievements. If the reader had known the old
+shepherd only in his untransfigured state&mdash;when, in his own phrase, he
+was "stuck in his skin"&mdash;I venture to say he would as soon have thought
+of asking a grisly bear to afternoon tea in his drawing-room as of
+inviting Snarley Bob to meet an Indian sage in a rectory garden. But the
+arrangement was made&mdash;whether by the aid of Beelzebub or the attractions
+of British gold, no man will ever know.</p>
+
+<p>Nothing in connection with Snarley had ever interested me so much as the
+possible outcome of this strange interview; so that, when informed of
+what was going to happen, I sent a telegram to Mrs. Abel asking
+permission to be on the spot&mdash;not, of course, as a witness of the
+interview but as a guest in the house. The reply was favourable, and on
+Tuesday afternoon I was at Deadborough.</p>
+
+<p>I had some talk with Chandrapál, and I could see that he was not pleased
+at my coming. He asked me at once why I was there, and, on receiving a
+not very ingenuous answer, he became reserved and distant. Indeed, his
+whole manner reminded me forcibly of the bearing of Snarley Bob on the
+occasion of our ludicrous attempt on Quarry Hill to introduce him to the
+poetry of Keats. I had come prepared to ask him a question; but I had no
+sooner reached the point than the whole fashion of the man was suddenly
+changed. His face, which usually wore an expression of quiet dignity,
+seemed to degenerate into a mass of coarse but powerful features, so
+that, had I seen him thus at a first meeting, I should have thought at
+once, "This man is a sensualist and a ruffian!" His answers were
+distinctly rude; he said the question was foolish (probably it
+was)&mdash;that people had been pestering him with that kind of thing ever
+since he left India; in short, he gave me to understand that he regarded
+me as a nuisance. I had never before seen in him any approach to this
+manner; indeed, I had continually marvelled at his patience with fools,
+his urbanity with bores, and his willingness to give of his best to
+those who had nothing to give in return.</p>
+
+<p>As the evening wore on he seemed to realise what he had done, and was
+evidently troubled. For my part, I had decided to leave next morning,
+for I thought that my presence in the house was disturbing him, and
+would perhaps spoil the chances of tomorrow's interview. Of this I had
+breathed no hint to anyone, and I was therefore greatly surprised when
+he said to me after dinner, "I charge you to remain in this house. There
+is no reason for going away. I was not myself this afternoon; but it has
+passed and will not return. Come now, let us go out into the woods."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Abel came with us. Her object in coming was to guide our walk in
+some direction where we were not likely to encounter Snarley Bob, whose
+haunts she knew, and whom it was not desirable that we should meet
+before the appointed time; for the nightingales were now in full song,
+and Snarley was certain to be abroad. We therefore took a path which led
+in an opposite direction to that in which his cottage lay.</p>
+
+<p>Chandrapál had his own ways of feeling and responding to the influences
+of Nature&mdash;ways which are not ours. No words of admiration escaped him;
+but, on entering the woods where the birds were singing he said, "The
+sounds are harmonious with thought." There was no mistaking the hint.</p>
+
+<p>Guided by the singing of the birds, we turned into an unfrequented lane,
+bordered by elms. The evening was dull, damp, and windless, and the air
+lay stagnant between the high banks of the lane. We walked on in
+complete silence, Chandrapál a few yards in front; none of us felt any
+desire to speak. Three nightingales were singing at intervals: one at
+some distance in the woods ahead of us, two immediately to our right.
+Whether it was due to the dampness in the air or the song of the birds,
+I cannot tell; but I felt the "drowsy numbness," of which the poet
+speaks, stealing upon me irresistibly. We presently crossed a stile into
+the fields; and as I sat for a moment on the rail the drowsiness almost
+overcame me, and I wondered if I could escape from my companions and
+find some spot whereon to lie down and go to sleep. It required some
+effort to proceed, and I could see that Mrs. Abel was affected in a
+similar manner.</p>
+
+<p>By crossing the stile we had disturbed one of the birds, and we had to
+wait some minutes before its song again broke out much further to the
+right. For some reason of his own Chandrapál had found this bird the
+best songster of the three; and, wishing to get as near as possible, he
+again led the way and gave us a sign to follow. We cautiously skirted
+the hedge, making our way towards a point on the opposite side of the
+field where there was a gate, and beyond this, in the next field, a shed
+of some sort where we might stand concealed.</p>
+
+<p>We passed the gate, turned into the shed, and were immediately
+confronted by Snarley Bob.</p>
+
+<p>Both Mrs. Abel and I were alarmed. We knew that Snarley Bob when
+disturbed at such a moment was apt to be exceedingly dangerous, and we
+remembered that it was precisely such a disturbance as this which had
+brought him some years ago within measurable distance of committing
+murder. Nor was his demeanour reassuring. The instant he saw us, he rose
+from the shaft of the cart on which he had been seated, smoking his
+pipe, and took a dozen rapid steps out of the shed. Then he paused, just
+as a startled horse would do, turned half round, and eyed us sidelong
+with as fierce and ugly a look as any human face could wear. Then he
+began to stride rapidly to and fro in front of the shed, stamping his
+feet whenever he turned, and keeping his eyes fixed on the swarthy
+countenance of Chandrapál, with an expression of the utmost ferocity.</p>
+
+<p>Chandrapál retained his composure. Whatever sudden shock he may have
+felt had passed immediately, and he was now standing in an attitude of
+deep attention, following the movement of Snarley Bob and meeting his
+glance without once lowering his eyes. His calmness was infectious. I
+felt that he was master of the situation, and I knew that in a few
+moments Snarley's paroxysm would pass.</p>
+
+<p>It did pass; but in a manner we did not expect. Snarley, on his side,
+had begun to abate his rapid march; once or twice he hesitated, paused,
+turned around; and the worst was already over when Chandrapál, lifting
+his thin hands above his head, pronounced in slow succession four words
+of some strange tongue. What they meant I cannot tell; it is not likely
+they formed any coherent sentence: they were more like words of command
+addressed by an officer to troops on parade, or by a rider to his horse.
+Their effect on Snarley was instantaneous. Turning full round, he drew
+himself erect and faced us in an attitude of much dignity. Every trace
+of his brutal expression slowly vanished; his huge features contracted
+to the human size; the rents of passion softened into lines of thought;
+wisdom and benignity sat upon his brows; and he was calm and still as
+the Sphinx in the desert.</p>
+
+<p>Snarley stood with his hands linked behind his back, looking straight
+before him into the distance; and Chandrapál, without changing his
+attitude, was watching him as before. As the two men stood there in
+silence, my impression was, and still is, that they were in
+communication, through filaments that lie hidden, like electric cables,
+in the deeps of consciousness. Each man was organically one with the
+other; the division between them was no greater than between two cells
+in a single brain; the understanding was complete. Thus it remained for
+some seconds; then the silence was broken by speech, and it was as
+though a cloud had passed over the sun. For, with the first word spoken,
+misunderstanding began; and, for a time at all events, they drifted far
+apart, each out of sight and knowledge of the other's soul. Had Snarley
+begun by saying something inconsequent or irrelevant, had he proposed to
+build three tabernacles, or cried, "Depart from me, for I am a sinful
+man," or quoted the words of some inapplicable Scripture that was being
+fulfilled&mdash;there might have been no rupture. But, as it was, he spoke to
+the point, and instantly the tie was snapped.</p>
+
+<p>"Them words you spoke just now," he said, and paused. Then, completing
+the sentence&mdash;"them words was full o' <i>sense</i>."</p>
+
+<p>I could see that Chandrapál was troubled. The word "sense" woke up
+trains of consciousness quite alien to the intention of the speaker. To
+his non-English mind this usage of the word, if not unknown, was at
+least misleading.</p>
+
+<p>He replied, "Those words have nothing to do with 'sense.' Yet you seemed
+to understand them."</p>
+
+<p>"Not a bit," said Snarley. "But I <i>felt</i> 'em. They burnt me like fire.
+Good words is allus like that. There's some words wi' meanin' in 'em,
+but no sense; and they're fool's words, most on 'em. You understand 'em,
+but you don't feel 'em. But when they comes wi' a bit of a smack, I
+knows they're all right. You can a'most taste 'em and smell 'em when
+they're the right sort&mdash;just like a drop o' drink. It's a pity you
+didn't hear Mrs. Abel when she give us that piece o' poetry. That's the
+sort o' words folks ought to use. You can feel 'em in your bones. Well,
+as I was a-sayin', your words was like that. They come at me smack,
+smack. And I sez to myself as soon as I hears 'em, 'That's a man worth
+talkin' to.'"</p>
+
+<p>Chandrapál had listened with the utmost gravity, seeming to catch
+Snarley's drift. The diction must have puzzled him, but I doubt if the
+subtlest skill in exposition would have availed Snarley half so well in
+restoring the mutual comprehension which had been temporarily broken.
+Chandrapál was evidently relieved. For half a minute there was silence,
+during which he walked to and fro, deep in thought. Then he said, "Great
+is the power of words when the speaker is wise. But the Truth cannot be
+<i>spoken</i>."</p>
+
+<p>"Not <i>all</i> on it," said Snarley, "only bits here and there. That's what
+the bigness o' things teaches you. It's my opinion as there are two
+sorts o' words&mdash;shutters-in and openers-out. Them words o' yours was
+openers-out; but most as you hears are shutters-in. It's like puttin' a
+thing in a box. You shuts the lid, and then all you sees is the box. But
+when things gets beyond a certain bigness you can't shut 'em in&mdash;not
+unless you first chops 'em up, and that spoils 'em.</p>
+
+<p>"Now, there's Shoemaker Hankin&mdash;a man as could talk the hind-leg off a
+'oss. He goes at it like a hammer, and thinks as he's openin' things
+out; but all the time he's shuttin' on 'em in and nailin' on 'em up in
+their coffins. One day he begins talkin' about 'Life,' and sez as how he
+can explain it in half a shake. 'You'll have to kill it first, Tom,' I
+sez, 'or it'll kick the bottom out o' <i>your</i> little box.' 'I'm going to
+<i>hannilize</i> it,' he sez. 'That means you're goin' to chop it up,' I sez,
+'so that it's bound to be dead before we gets hold on it. All right,
+Tom, fire away! Tell us all about dead Life.'</p>
+
+<p>"Well, that's allus the way wi' these talkin' chaps. There was that
+Professor as comes tellin' me what space were&mdash;I told that gentleman"
+(pointing to me) "all about <i>him</i>. Why, you might as well try to cut
+runnin' water wi' a knife. Talkin' people like him are never satisfied
+till they've trampled everything into a <i>muck</i>&mdash;same as the sheep
+tramples the ground when you puts 'em in a pen. They seems to think as
+that's what things are <i>for</i>! They all wants to do the talkin'
+themselves. But doesn't it stand to sense that as long as you're talkin'
+about things you can't hear what things are sayin' to you?</p>
+
+<p>"When did I learn all that? Why, you don't <i>learn</i> them things. You just
+finds 'em when you're alone among the hills and the bigness o' things
+comes over you. Do you know anything about the stars? Well, then, you'll
+understand.</p>
+
+<p>"All the same, I were once a talkin' man myself; ay, and it were then as
+I got the first lesson in leavin' things alone. It happened one day when
+I were a Methody&mdash;long before I knew anything about the stars. I'd been
+what they call 'converted'; and one day I were prayin' powerful at a
+meetin', and we was all excited, and shoutin' as we wouldn't go home
+till the answer had come. Well, it did come&mdash;at least it come to me. I
+were standin' up shoutin' wi' the rest, when all of a sudden I kind o'
+heard somebody whisperin' in my ear. 'The answer's comin',' I sez; 'I'm
+gettin' it,' So they all gets quiet, waitin' for me to give the answer.
+I suppose they expected me to say as a new heart had been given to
+somebody we'd been prayin' for. But instead o' that I shouts out at the
+top o' my voice&mdash;though I can't tell what made me do it&mdash;'Shut up, all
+on you! Shut up, Henry Blain! Shut up, John Scarsbrick! Shut up, Robert
+Dellanow&mdash;<i>I'm tired o' the lot on you!</i>' That's what made me give up
+bein' a Methody. I began to see from that day that when things begins to
+open out you've got to <i>shut up</i>."</p>
+
+<p>"The voices of the world are many; and the speech of man is only one,"
+said Chandrapál.</p>
+
+<p>"You're right," said Snarley, "but I'm not sure as you ought to call 'em
+voices. Most on 'em's more like faces nor voices. It's true there's the
+thunder and the wind&mdash;'specially when it's blowin' among the trees. And
+then there's the animals and the birds."</p>
+
+<p>"It is said in the East that once there were men who understood the
+language of birds."</p>
+
+<p>"No, no," said Snarley, "there's no understandin' them things. But
+there's one bird, and that's the nightingale, as makes me kind o'
+remember as I understood 'em once. And there's no doubt they understand
+one another; and there's some sorts of animals as understands other
+sorts&mdash;but not all. You can take my word for it!"</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+
+<p>The light had failed, and the song of the birds, driven to a distance by
+our voices, seemed to quicken the darkness into life. 'Darkling, we
+listened'&mdash;how long I know not, for the subliminal world was awake, and
+the measure of time was lost. Snarley was the first to speak, taking up
+his parable from the very point where he had left it, as though he were
+unconscious that a long interval had elapsed. He spoke to Chandrapál.</p>
+
+<p>"I can see as you're a rememberin' sort o' gentleman," he said. "If you
+weren't, you wouldn't ha' come here listenin' to the birds. The animals
+remember a lot o' things as we've forgotten. I dare say you know it as
+well as I do. Now, there's the nightingale&mdash;<i>that's</i> the bird for
+recollectin' and makin' you recollect; and you might say dogs and 'osses
+too. You can see the memory in the dog's eyes and in the 'oss's face.
+But you can <i>hear</i> it in the bird's voice&mdash;and hearin' and smellin' is
+better nor seein' when it comes to a matter o' rememberin.'</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, and it's my opinion as animals, takin' 'em all round, are wiser
+nor men&mdash;that is, they've got more sense. You let your line out far
+enough, and I tell you there's some animals as can make you find a lot
+o' things as you've forgotten. That's what the bird does. When I
+listens, I seems to be rememberin' all sorts o' things, only I can't
+tell nobody what they are.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, but you ought to ha' been here that night when Mrs. Abel give that
+piece! Why, bless you, she'd got the nightingale to a T, especially the
+rememberin'. Eh, my word, but it were a staggerer! I <i>wish</i> you'd been
+there&mdash;a rememberin' gentleman like you! You get her to give you that
+piece when you goes home, and it'll make you reel your line out to the
+very end."</p>
+
+<p>Some of those allusions, I imagine, were lost on Chandrapál. But once
+more he showed that he caught the "sense."</p>
+
+<p>"In my country," he said, "religion forbids us to take the lives of
+animals."</p>
+
+<p>"That's a good sort o' religion," said Snarley. "There's some sense in
+that! Them as holds with it must ha' let their line out pretty far. Now,
+it wouldn't surprise me to hear as folks in your country are good at
+rememberin' things as other folks have forgotten."</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, some of us think we can remember many things." And, after a pause,
+"I thought just now that I remembered you."</p>
+
+<p>"And me you!" said Snarley, "blessed if I didn't. The minute you said
+them funny words, danged if I didn't feel as though I'd knowed you all
+my life! It was just like when I'm listenin' to the bird&mdash;all sorts o'
+things comes tumblin' back. Same with them words o' yours. It seemed as
+though somebody as I knowed were a-callin' of me. I must ha' travelled
+millions o' miles, same as when you lets your line out to the stars. And
+all the time I were sure that I knowed the voice, though I couldn't
+understand the meanin'. I tell you, it were <i>just</i> like listenin' to the
+bird."</p>
+
+<p>Chandrapál now turned and said something to Mrs. Abel. She promptly
+slipped out of the shed, giving me a sign to follow. Chandrapál and
+Snarley were left to themselves.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+
+<p>Late at night Chandrapál returned to the Rectory. He was more than
+usually silent and absorbed. Of what had passed between him and Snarley
+he said not a word; but, on bidding us good-night, he remarked to Mrs.
+Abel, "The cycle of existence returns upon itself." And Snarley, on his
+part, never spoke of the occurrence to any living soul. "The rest is
+silence."</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="SHEPHERD_TOLLER_O_CLUN_DOWNS" id="SHEPHERD_TOLLER_O_CLUN_DOWNS"></a>SHEPHERD TOLLER O' CLUN DOWNS</h2>
+
+
+<p>At the age of fifty or thereabouts Shepherd Toller went mad. After due
+process he was handed over to the authorities and graduated as a pauper
+lunatic. His madness was the outcome of solicitude, and it was not
+surprising that, after a year amid the jovial company of the asylum,
+Toller began to improve. At the end of the second year he was declared
+to be cured, and discharged, much to his regret.</p>
+
+<p>His first act on liberation was to recover his old dog, which had been
+left in charge of a friend. Desiring to start life again where his
+former insanity would be unknown, he made his way to Deadborough, the
+village of his birth. Arrived there, after a forty miles' walk, he
+refreshed himself with a glass of beer and a penn'orth of bread and
+cheese, and proceeded at once to Farmer Ferryman in quest of work. The
+farmer, who was, as usual, in want of labour, sent him to Snarley Bob to
+"put the measure on him." Snarley's report was favourable. "He seemed a
+bit queer, no doubt, and kept laughin' at nothin'; but I've knowed lots
+o' queer people as had more sense than them as wasn't queer, and there's
+no denyin' as he's knowledgeable in sheep." The result was that Toller
+was forthwith appointed as an understudy to Snarley Bob.</p>
+
+<p>Bob's estimate of the new-comer rose steadily day by day. "He had a
+wonderful eye for points." "As good a sheep-doctor as ever lived."
+"Wanted a bit of watchin', it was true, but had a head on his shoulders
+for all that." "Knows how to keep his mouth shut." "Was backward in
+breedin', but not for want o' sense&mdash;hadn't caught him young enough."
+"Could ha' taught him anything, if he'd come twenty-five years back." In
+due course, therefore, Toller was entrusted with great responsibilities.
+He it was who, under Snarley's direction, presided over the generation,
+birth, and early upbringing of the thrice-renowned "Thunderbolt."</p>
+
+<p>So it went on for three years. At the end of that time Toller had an
+accident. He fell through the aperture of a feeding-loft, and his spinal
+column received an ugly shock. Symptoms of his old malady began to
+return. He began to get things "terrible mixed up," and to play tricks
+which violated both the letter and the spirit of Snarley's notches.</p>
+
+<p>One of the breeding points in Snarley's system was connected with the
+length of the lambs' ears. Short ears in the new-born lamb were
+prophetic of desirable points which would duly appear when the creature
+became a sheep; long ears, on the other hand, indicated that the cross
+had failed. A crucial experiment on these lines was being conducted by
+aid of a ram which had been specially imported from Spain, and the whole
+thing had been left to Toller's supervision. The result was a complete
+failure. On the critical day, when Snarley returned from his obstetric
+duties, his wife saw gloom and disappointment on his countenance. "Well,
+have them lambs come right?" "Lambs, did you say? They're not <i>lambs</i>.
+They're young <i>jackasses</i>. It's summat as Shepherd Toller's been up to.
+You'll never make me believe as the Spanish ram got any one on 'em&mdash;no,
+not if you was to take your dyin' oath. Blessed if I know where he found
+a father for 'em. It's not one o' our rams, I'll swear. You mark my
+word, missis, Shepherd Toller's goin' out of his mind again. I've seen
+it comin' on for months. Only last Tuesday he sez to me, 'Snarley, I'm
+gettin' cloudy on the top.'"</p>
+
+<p>Shortly after this Toller disappeared and, though the search was
+diligent, he could not be found. "He's not gone far," said Snarley.
+"Leastways he's sure to come back. Mad-men allus comes back." And within
+a few months an incident happened which enabled Snarley to verify his
+theory. It came about in this wise.</p>
+
+<p>A party of great folk from the Hall had gone up into the hills for a
+picnic. They had chosen their camp near the head of a long upland
+valley, where the ground fell suddenly into a deep gorge pierced by a
+torrent. A fire of sticks had been lit close to the edge of the
+precipice, and a kettle, made of some shining metal, had been hung over
+the flames. The party were standing by, waiting for the water to boil,
+when suddenly, crash!&mdash;a sprinkle of scalding water in your
+face&mdash;and&mdash;where's the kettle? An invisible force, falling like a bolt
+from the blue, had smitten the kettle and hurled it into space. The
+ladies screamed; the Captain swore; the Clergyman cried, "Good
+Gracious!" the Undergraduate said, "Jerusalem!" the Wit added, "<i>And</i>
+Madagascar!" But what was said matters not, for the Recording Angel had
+dropped his pen. The whole party stood amazed, unable to place the
+occurrence in any sort of intelligible context, and with looks that
+seemed to say, "The reign of Chaos has returned, and the Inexpressible
+become a fact!" Some went to the edge of the gorge and saw below a mass
+of buckled tin, irrecoverable, and worthless. Some looked about on the
+hillside, but looked on nothing to the point. Some stood by the spot
+where the kettle had hung, and argued without premises. Some searched
+for the missile, some for the man; but neither was found. The whole
+thing was an absolute mystery. The party had lost their tea, and gained
+a subject for conversation at dinner. That was all.</p>
+
+<p>That night Snarley, in the tap-room of the Nag's Head, heard the story
+from the groom who had lit the fire, hung the kettle, and seen it fly
+into space. Snarley said nothing, quickly finished his glass, and went
+home. "Missis," he said, "get my breakfast at three o'clock to-morrow
+morning. Shepherd Toller's come back. And mind you hold your tongue."</p>
+
+<p>By five o'clock next morning Snarley had reached the scene of the
+picnic. He gazed about him in all directions: nothing was stirring but
+the peewits. Then he climbed down the gorge with some difficulty, found
+the kettle, and examined its riven side. Climbing back, he went some
+distance further up the valley, ascended a little knoll, took out his
+whistle, and blew a peculiar blast, tremulous and piercing. No response.
+Snarley blew again, and again. At the fourth attempt the distant barking
+of a dog was heard, and a minute later the signal was answered by the
+counterpart to Snarley's blast. Presently the form of a big man,
+followed by a yelping dog, appeared on the skyline above. Shepherd
+Toller was found.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+
+<p>During the week which followed these events, various members of the
+picnic-party had begun to recollect things they had previously
+forgotten, and discoveries were made, <i>ex post facto</i>, which warranted
+the submission of the case to the Society for the Investigation of
+Mysterious Phenomena. Lady Lottie Passingham had been of the party, and
+she it was who drew up the Report which was so much discussed a few
+years ago. In her own evidence Lady Lottie, whose figure was none too
+slim, averred that, as she climbed the hill to the place of rendezvous,
+she had been distinctly conscious of something pulling her back. She had
+attached no importance to this at the time, though she had remarked to
+Miss Gledhow that she wished she hadn't come. The time at which the
+kettle flew was 4.27 p.m.; at 4.25 Lady Lottie, had a sensation as
+though a cold hand were stroking her left cheek, the separate fingers
+being clearly distinguishable. Miss Gledhow had experienced a feeling
+all afternoon that she was being <i>watched and criticised</i>&mdash;a feeling
+which she could only compare to that of a person who is having his
+photograph taken. Captain Sorley's cigarettes kept going out in the most
+unaccountable manner; and in this connection he would mention that more
+than once, and especially a few minutes after the main occurrence, he
+could not help fancying that someone was breathing in his face. The Rev.
+E. F. Stark-Potter had heard, several times, a sound like "Woe, woe,"
+which he attributed at first to some ploughman calling to his horses;
+subsequent inquiry had proved, however, that, on the day in question, no
+ploughing was being done in the neighbourhood. All the witnesses
+concurred in the statement that they were vividly conscious of
+<i>something wrong</i>, the most emphatic in this respect being the
+Undergraduate, who had made no secret of his feeling at the time by
+assuring several members of the party that he felt absolutely "rotten,"
+Further, the Report stated, the scene had been identified with the spot
+where a young woman committed suicide in 1834 by casting herself down
+the precipice. The battered kettle was also recovered and sent in a
+registered parcel for examination by the experts of the Society.</p>
+
+<p>After the mature deliberation due to the distinguished names at the end
+of the Report, the Society decided that the evidence was non-veridical,
+and refused to print the document in their <i>Proceedings</i>.</p>
+
+<p>Snarley Bob, who knew what was going on, had his reasons for welcoming
+this development. He concocted various legends of his own weird
+experiences at the valley-head, and these, as coming from him, had
+considerable weight. They were communicated in the first instance to the
+groom. By him they were conveyed to the coachman; by him, to the
+coachman's wife; whence they were not long in finding their way, by the
+usual channels, to headquarters. Here the contributions of Snarley were
+combined by various hands into an artistic whole with the original
+occurrence, which, in this new context, at once quitted the low ground
+of History and began a free development of its own in the realms of the
+Ideal. By the time it reached the Press it had become a fiction far more
+imposing than any fact, and far more worthy of belief. Things that never
+happened filled the foreground, and the thing that did happen had fallen
+so far into the background as to be almost invisible. The incident of
+the kettle had exfoliated into a whole sequence of imposing mysteries,
+becoming in the process a mere germ or point of departure of no more
+significance in itself than are the details in Saxo Grammaticus to a
+first-class performance of <i>Hamlet</i>. Thus transfigured, the story was
+indeed a drama rather than a narrative; and those who remember reading
+it in that form will hardly believe that it had its origin in the humble
+facts which these pages relate. The excitement it caused lasted for some
+weeks, and it was almost a public disappointment when the Society for
+the Investigation of Mysterious Phenomena blew a cold blast upon the
+whole thing.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+
+<p>When Snarley Bob met Shepherd Toller at Valley Head, he found him
+accoutred in a manner which verified his private theory as to the
+levitation of the kettle. Coiled round Toller's left arm were three
+slings, made from strips of raw oxhide, with pouches, large and small,
+for hurling stones of various size. Slung over his back was a big bag,
+also of leather, which contained his ammunition&mdash;smooth pebbles gathered
+from the torrent bed, the largest being the size of a man's fist.
+Strapped round his waist was a flint axe, the head being a beautiful
+celt, which Toller had discovered long ago on Clun Downs, and skilfully
+fixed in a handle bound with thongs.</p>
+
+<p>In the days of Toller's first madness, it had been his habit to wander
+over Clun Downs, equipped in this manner, He had lived in some fastness
+of his own devising, and supplied his larder by the occasional slaughter
+of a stolen sheep, whose skull he would split with a blow from the flint
+axe. The slings were rather for amusement than hunting, though his
+markmanship was excellent, and he was said to be able at any time to
+bring down a rabbit, or even a bird. All day long he would wander in
+unfrequented uplands, slinging stones at every object that tempted his
+eye, and roaring and dancing with delight whenever he hit the mark. He
+was inoffensive enough and had never been known to deliberately aim at a
+human being, though more than one shooting party had been considerably
+alarmed by the crash of Toller's stones among the branches, or by his
+long-range sniping of the white-clothed luncheon-table. On one occasion
+Toller had landed a huge pebble, the size of an eight-pounder shot, into
+the very bull's-eye of the feast&mdash;to wit, a basket containing six
+bottles of Heidsieck's Special Reserve. It was this performance which
+led Sir George to report the case to the authorities and insist on
+Toller being put under restraint.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+
+<p>By the evening of the day when Toller disappeared from the Perryman
+sheepfolds he had completed the long walk to his former haunts, and
+recovered his weapons from under the cairn where he had carefully hidden
+them six years before. The axe, of course, was uninjured; but the slings
+were rotten. As soon as it was dark, therefore, Toller stole down to the
+pastures, captured a steer, brained it with the flint axe, stripped off
+the skin, made a fire, roasted a piece of the warm flesh, covered his
+tracks, and before the sun was up had made twenty miles of the return
+journey, with half a dozen fine new slings concealed beneath his coat.
+He arrived at Deadborough at nightfall the day but one following, having
+taken a circuitous route far from the highroad. He at once made his way
+into the hills.</p>
+
+<p>Beyond the furthest outposts of the Perryman farm lie extensive wolds
+rising rapidly into desolate regions where sheep can scarcely find
+pasture. In this region Toller concealed himself. About two miles beyond
+the old quarry, on a slaty hillside, he found a deep pit, which had
+probably been used as a water-hole in prehistoric times; and here he
+built himself a hut. He made the walls out of the stones of a ruined
+sheep-fold; he roofed them with a sheet of corrugated iron, stolen from
+the outbuildings of a neighbouring farm, and covered the iron with sods;
+he built a fire-place with a flue, but no chimney; he caused water from
+a spring to flow into a hollow beside the door. Then he collected slate,
+loose stones, and earth; and, by heaping these against the walls of the
+hut, he gave the whole structure the appearance of a mound of rubbish.
+Human eyes rarely came within sight of the spot; but even a keen
+observer of casual objects would not have suspected that the mound
+represented any sort of human dwelling. It was a masterpiece of
+protective imitation, an exact replica of Toller's previous abode on
+Clun Downs. His fire burned only by night.</p>
+
+<p>The furnishing of this simple establishment consisted of a feather bed,
+which rested on slabs of slate supported by stones,&mdash;whence obtained was
+never known, but undoubtedly stolen. The coverlet was three sheepskins
+sewn together, the pillow also a sheepskin, coiled round a cylinder of
+elastic twigs. The table was a deal box, once the property of Messrs.
+Tate, the famous refiners of sugar. The chair was a duplicate of the
+table. The implements were all of flint, neatly bound in their handles
+with strips of hide. There was the axe for slaughter, a dagger for
+cutting meat, a hammer for breaking bones, a saw and scrapers of various
+size&mdash;the plunder of some barrow on Clun Downs. Under the slates of the
+bed lay a collection of slings.</p>
+
+<p>In this place Toller lived undiscovered for several months, issuing
+thence as occasion required in quest of food. This he obtained by night
+forays upon distant farms, bringing back mutton or beef, lamb or sucking
+pig, a turkey, a goose, a couple of chickens, according to the changes
+of his appetite or the seasonableness of the dish. Fruit, vegetables,
+and potatoes were obtained in the same manner. In addition, all the game
+of the hills was at his mercy, and he had fish from the stream. It was
+characteristic of Toller's cunning that his plunder was all obtained
+from afar, and seldom twice from the same place. He would go ten miles
+to the north to steal a lamb; next time, as far to the south to steal a
+goose. The plundered area lay along the circumference of great circles,
+with radii of ten, fifteen, twenty miles, of which his abode was the
+centre. This put pursuers off the track, and caused them to look for him
+everywhere but where he was. The police were convinced, for example,
+that he was hiding in Clun Downs. The steer he had slaughtered on his
+first return had been discovered, as Toller intended it to be; and, in
+order to keep up the fiction of his presence in that neighbourhood, he
+repeated his exploit a month later, and slaughtered a second steer in
+the very pasture where he had killed the first.</p>
+
+<p>Nor was his favourite amusement denied him. He knew the movements of
+every shepherd on the uplands, and, by choosing his routes, could wander
+for miles, slinging stones as he went, without risk of discovery.
+Whether during these months he saw any human beings is unknown;
+certainly no human being recognised him. His power of self-concealment
+amounted to genius.</p>
+
+<p>Such was the second madness of Shepherd Toller. Things from the abyss of
+Time that float upwards into dreams&mdash;sleeping things whose breath
+sometimes breaks the surface of our waking consciousness, like bubbles
+rising from the depths of Lethe&mdash;these had become the sober certainties
+of Toller's life. The superincumbent waters had parted asunder, and the
+children of the deep were all astir. Toller had awakened into a past
+which lies beyond the graves of buried races and had joined his fathers
+in the morning of the world.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+
+<p>Towards the end of the summer Toller's health began to decline. He was
+attacked by fierce paroxysms of internal pain, which left him weak and
+helpless. The distant forays had to be abandoned; there was no more
+slinging of stones; he had great difficulty in obtaining food. He craved
+most for milk, and this he procured at considerable risk of discovery by
+descending before dawn into the lowlands and milking, or partially
+milking, one of the Perryman cows; for the animals knew his voice and
+were accustomed to his touch.</p>
+
+<p>This was the posture of his affairs when one day he became apprised of
+the presence in the neighbourhood of the picnic-party aforesaid. He
+stalked them with care, saw the preparation of their meal, eyed the
+large basket carried by the grooms, and thought with longing of the tea
+it was sure to contain, and of the brandy that might be there also. To
+be possessed of one or both of these things would at that moment have
+satisfied the all-inclusive desire of the sick man's soul, and he
+thought of every possible device and contrivance by which he could get
+them into his hands. None promised well. At last he half resolved on the
+desperate plan of scaring the pleasure-seekers from their camp by
+bombarding the ground with stones&mdash;a plan which he remembered to have
+proved effective with a party of ladies on Clun Downs. But he doubted
+his strength for such a sustained effort, and reflected that a party
+which contained so many men, even if forced to retreat, would be sure to
+take their provender with them. While he was thus reflecting he saw the
+kettle hoisted on the tripod, shining and glinting in the sun. Never had
+Toller beheld a more tempting mark. The range was easy; his station was
+well hidden; and the kettle was the hated symbol of his disappointed
+hopes. "One more, and then I've done," I sez to myself&mdash;thus he reported
+to Snarley Bob&mdash;"and I went back for the old sling, feelin' better than
+I'd done for weeks. I picks the best stone I could find, and kep' on
+whirlin' her round my head all the way back. Then I slaps her in, and
+blessed if I didn't take the kettle first shot!"</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+
+<p>On the evening of the day when he discovered Toller, Snarley came home
+with a countenance of sorrow. "I've found him, missis," he said; "but
+he's a dyin' man. Worn to a shadder, and him the biggest man in the
+parish. It would ha' scared you to see him. As sane as ever he was in
+his life. 'Shepherd,' he sez, 'I'm starvin'. Can you get me a bit of
+summat as I can eat?' 'What would you like?' I sez. He sez, 'I want
+baccy and buttermilk. For God's sake, get me some buttermilk. It's the
+only thing as I feel 'ud keep down; and the pain's that awful it a'most
+tears me to shreds. And may be you can find a pinch o' tea and a spot or
+two of something short.' I sez, 'You shall have it all this very night.
+But how's your head?' 'Terrible heavy at the back,' he sez, 'but clear
+on the top. I've a'most done wi' slingin' and stealin'. The police is
+after me, and I'm too weak to dodge 'em much longer; they're bound to
+catch me soon. But they'll get nowt but a bag o' bones, and they'll have
+to be quick if they want 'em alive. Shepherd, I'm a dyin' man, and
+there's not a soul to stand by me or bury me.' 'Yes, there is,' I sez;
+'you've got me. I'll stand by you, and bury you, too. If the police
+catches you, it'll be through no tellin' o' mine. You go back to your
+hut, and we'll keep you snug enough, and get you all the baccy and
+buttermilk as you wants.' 'Thank God!' he sez; and then the pain took
+him, and he fair rolled on the ground."</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+
+<p>"Yes, sir," continued the widow of Snarley, "my 'usband had been failin'
+for two years afore he died. But it was that affair wi' Shepherd Toller
+as broke what bit o' strength he'd got left. I wanted him to tell the
+doctor as he'd found him; but you might as well ha' tried to turn the
+church round as move my 'usband when once he'd made up his mind.
+'Nivver, Polly!' he sez. 'I've given Shepherd Toller my word. Besides,
+he's too far gone for doctors to do him any good. He'll not last many
+days. And I knows a way o' sendin' him to sleep as beats all the
+doctors' bottles. You leave him to me.'</p>
+
+<p>"Well, you see, sir, I knowed very well as he were doing wrong. But then
+he didn't look at it that way. And he mostly knowed what he were doin',
+my 'usband did.</p>
+
+<p>"He never missed goin' to Shepherd Toller's hut mornin' nor night. He
+took him buttermilk a'most every day; and oh, my word, the lies as he
+told about what he wanted it for! I've known him walk miles to get it.
+And then he'd sometimes sit up wi' him half the night tryin' to get him
+to sleep, rubbin' his back and his head. And the things my 'usband used
+to tell me about his sufferin's&mdash;oh, sir, it were somethin' awful!...
+Once my 'usband asked him if he'd let him tell the doctor, and Shepherd
+Toller a'most went out o' his mind with fright. 'I've got to see it
+through, Polly,' he sez to me; 'but I doubt if it won't be the death o'
+me.'</p>
+
+<p>"Shepherd Toller took to his bed the very day as my 'usband met him, and
+never left it, leastways he never went outside the hut again. I wanted
+to go myself and look after him a bit in the daytime. But my 'usband
+wouldn't let me go. 'He's no sight for you to look at, missis,' he sez.
+'Except for the pain, his mind's at rest. Besides, there's nobody but me
+knows how to talk to him, and there's nobody but me as he wants to see.
+You can't make him no comfortabler than he is.'</p>
+
+<p>"But it were a terrible strain on my poor 'usband, and there's not a
+doubt that it would ha' killed him there and then if it had lasted much
+longer. It were about three weeks before the end come, and nivver shall
+I forget that night&mdash;no, not if I was to live to be a thousand years
+old.</p>
+
+<p>"My master come home about ten o'clock, lookin' just like a man as were
+walkin' in his sleep. I couldn't get him to take notice o' nothin', and
+when I put his supper on the table he seemed as though he hardly knowed
+what it were for. He didn't eat more than two mouthfuls, and then he
+turned his chair round to the fire, tremblin' all over.</p>
+
+<p>"After a bit I sees him drop asleep like. So I sez to myself, 'I'll just
+go upstairs to warm his bed for him, and then I'll come down and wake
+him up,' and I begins to get the warmin'-pan ready. He were mutterin'
+all sorts of things; but I didn't take much notice o' that, because
+that's what he allus did when he went to sleep in his chair. However, I
+did notice that he kep' mutterin' something about a dog.</p>
+
+<p>"Soon he wakes up, kind o' startled, and sez, 'Missis, let that dog in;
+he won't let me get a wink o' sleep.' 'You silly man,' I sez, 'you've
+been fast asleep for three-quarters of a' hour.' 'Why,' he sez, 'I've
+been wide awake all the time, listenin' to the dog whinin' and
+scratchin' at the door, and I was too tired to get up and let him in.
+Open the door quick; I'm fair sick on it.' I sez, 'What nonsense you're
+talkin'! Why, Boxer's been lyin' under the table ever since you come
+home at ten o'clock. He's there now.' So he looks under the table, and
+there sure enough were Boxer fast asleep. 'Well,' he sez, 'it must be
+another dog. Open the door, as I tell you, and see what it is.' So I
+opens the door; and, of course, there were no sign of a dog. 'Are you
+satisfied now?' I sez. 'I can't make it out,' he sez; 'it's something
+funny. I'd take my dyin' oath as there were a dog scratchin'. But maybe
+as I'll go to sleep now.' So he shuts his eyes, and were soon off,
+mutterin' as before.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, I was just goin' upstairs when all of a sudden he give a scream
+as a'most made me drop the warmin' pan. 'What's up?' I sez. 'I've burnt
+my hand awful,' he sez. 'Burnt your hand?' I sez. 'How did you manage to
+do that? Have you been tumblin' into the fire?' 'I don't know,' he sez;
+'but the funny thing is there's no mark of burnin' as I can see.' 'Why,'
+I sez, 'it must be the rheumatiz in yer knuckles. I'll get a drop o'
+turpentine, and rub 'em,' So I gets the turpentine, and begins rubbin'
+his hand, and his arm as well. He sez, 'It's just like a red-hot nail
+driven slap through the palm o' my hand.' Well, it got better after a
+bit, and I made him go to bed, though he were that hot and excited I
+knowed we were going to have a wild night.</p>
+
+<p>"The minute he lay down he went to sleep and slep' quietly for about
+half an hour. Then he starts groanin' and tossin'. 'It's beginnin',' I
+sez to myself; 'I'd better light the candle so as to be ready.' The
+minute I struck the match he jumps out o' bed like a madman, catches
+hold of the bedpost, and begins pullin' the bed across the room. 'What
+are you doin'?' I sez. 'I'm pullin' the bed out o' the fire,' he sez.
+'Don't you see the room's burnin'?' 'Come, master,' I sez, 'you've got
+the nightmare. Get back into bed again, and keep quiet.'</p>
+
+<p>"He let go o' the bedpost and began starin' in front of him with the
+most awful eyes you ever see. 'Are you blind?' he sez. 'Don't you see
+what's 'appenin'?' 'Nothing's 'appenin',' I sez; 'get back into bed.'
+'Look! he sez, 'look at the top o' that hill! Can't you see they're
+crucifying Shepherd Toller on a red-hot cross? I can hear him screamin'
+wi' pain.' 'Get out,' I sez; 'Shepherd Toller's all right. Now just you
+lie down, and think no more about it.' But, oh dear, you might as well
+ha' talked to thunder and lightnin'. He kep' on as how he could hear
+Shepherd Toller screamin' and callin' for him, until I thought I should
+ha' gone out o' my mind.</p>
+
+<p>"Just then a' idea come to me. We'd got a bottle o' stuff as the doctor
+give him to make him sleep when the rheumatiz come on bad. So I pours
+out half a cupful, and I sez, 'Here, you drink that, and it'll stop 'em
+crucifying Shepherd Toller.' He drinks it down at a gulp, and then he
+sez, 'They've took him down. But I'm afraid he's terrible burnt.' He
+soon got quiet and lay down and went to sleep.</p>
+
+<p>"He must ha' slep' till six in the mornin', when he got up. 'My head's
+achin' awful,' he sez. 'I've been dreamin' about Shepherd Toller all
+night. I believe as summat's gone wrong wi' him. Make me a cup o' strong
+tea, and I'll go and see what's up.'</p>
+
+<p>"When my 'usband got to the hut the first thing he sees were Shepherd
+Toller lyin' all of a heap on the floor wi' his clothes half burnt off
+him and his left arm lyin' right on the top o' where the fire had been.
+His hand were like a cinder, and he were burnt all over his body. He
+were still livin' and able to speak. 'How's this happened&mdash;what have you
+been doin'?' sez my 'usband. 'It were the cold,' he sez, 'and I wanted a
+drop o' brandy. And the dog were tryin' to get in. You shut him out when
+you went away.'</p>
+
+<p>"Well, my 'usband gave him brandy and managed to lift him on to the bed.
+'I never thought as I should die like this,' he sez. 'Bury the old dog
+wi' me, shepherd, and put the slings alongside o' me and the little axe
+in my hand. And see there's plenty o' stones.' That was the last he
+said, though he kep' repeatin' it as long as he could speak. It were not
+more than an hour after my master found him before he were gone.</p>
+
+<p>"My 'usband dug his grave wi' his own hands, close beside the hut, and
+buried him next day. He put the axe and slings just as he told him, wi'
+the stones and all the bits of flint things as he found in the hut. What
+went most to his heart were shootin' the old dog. He telled me as he
+were sure the dog knowed he were goin' to kill him, and stood as quiet
+as a lamb beside the grave when he pointed the gun. 'It were worse than
+murder,' he said, 'and I shall see him to my dyin' day. But I'd given my
+word, and I had to do it.</p>
+
+<p>"No, sir, not a livin' soul, exceptin' me, knew what had happened till
+my 'usband told Mrs. Abel and you three days before he died. That were
+eighteen months after he'd buried Shepherd Toller. Of course, he'd ha'
+got into trouble if they'd knowed what he'd done. But he weren't afraid,
+and he used to say to me, 'Don't you bother, missis. They can't do
+nothing to you when I'm gone. Let 'em say what they like; you and me
+knows as I've done no wrong. There's only one thing as I can't bear to
+think on. And that's shootin' the old dog.'"</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="SNARLEY_BOBS_INVISIBLE_COMPANION" id="SNARLEY_BOBS_INVISIBLE_COMPANION"></a>SNARLEY BOB'S INVISIBLE COMPANION</h2>
+
+
+<p>Whether Snarley Bob was mad or sane is a question which the reader, ere
+now, has probably answered for himself. If he thinks him mad, his
+conclusion will repeat the view held, during his lifetime, by many of
+Snarley's equals and by some of his betters. In support of the opposite
+opinion, I will only say that he was sane enough to hold his tongue in
+general about certain matters, which, had he freely talked of them,
+would have been regarded as strong evidence of insanity.</p>
+
+<p>The chief of these was his intercourse with the Invisible
+Companion&mdash;invisible to all save Snarley Bob. That designation, however,
+is not Snarley's, but my own; and I use it because I do not wish to
+commit myself to the identification of this personage with any
+individual, historical or imaginary. Snarley generally called him "the
+Shepherd"; sometimes, "the Master"; and he used no other name.</p>
+
+<p>With this "Master" Snarley claimed to be on terms of intimacy which go
+beyond the utmost reaches of authentic mysticism. Whether the being in
+question was a figment of the brain or a real inhabitant of time and
+space, let the reader, once more, decide for himself. Some being there
+was, at all events, of whose companionship Snarley was aware under
+circumstances which are not usually associated with such matters.</p>
+
+<p>There is much in this connection that must needs remain obscure. The
+only witness who could have cleared those obscurities away has long been
+beyond the reach of summons. To none else than Mrs. Abel was Snarley
+ever known to open free communication on the subject.</p>
+
+<p>He spoke now and then of a dim, far-off time when he had been a
+"Methody." But he had shown scant perseverance in the road which, strait
+and narrow though it be, has now become easy to trace, being well marked
+by the tread of countless bleeding feet. Instead of continuing therein,
+he had "leapt over the wall" into the surrounding waste, and struck out,
+by a path of his own devising, for the land of Beulah. By all recognised
+precedent he ought to have failed in arriving. I will not say he
+succeeded; but he himself was well content with the result. It is true
+that in all his desert-wanderings he never lost the chart and compass
+with which Methodism had once provided him; but he filled in the chart
+at points where Methodism had left it blank, and put the compass to uses
+which were not contemplated by the original makers.</p>
+
+<p>For many years before his death Snarley entered neither the church nor
+the chapel; and, I regret to say, he had a very low opinion of both.
+This was one of the few matters on which he and Hankin were agreed,
+though for opposite reasons. Hankin objected to these institutions
+because they went too far; Snarley because they went not nearly far
+enough. It may, however, be noted that in the tap-room of the Nag's
+Head, where the blasphemy of the Divine name was a normal occurrence,
+Snarley, of whose displeasure everybody went in fear, would never allow
+the name of Christ to be so much as mentioned, not even argumentatively
+by Hankin; and once when a foul-mouthed navvy had used the name as part
+of some filthy oath, Snarley instantly challenged the man to fight,
+struck him a fearful blow between the eyes and pitched him headlong,
+with a shattered face, into the village street. But in the matter of
+contempt for the religious practice of his neighbours, his attitude was,
+if possible, more extreme than Hankin's. I need not quote his utterances
+on these matters; except for their unusual violence, they were
+sufficiently commonplace. Had Snarley been more highly developed as "a
+social being" he would, no doubt, have been less intolerant; but
+solitude had made him blind on that side of his nature; for his
+fellow-men in general he had little sympathy and less admiration, his
+soul being as lonely as his body when wandering before the dawn on some
+upland waste.</p>
+
+<p>Lonely, save for the frequent presence, by day and night, of his ghostly
+monitor and friend. To understand the nature of this companionship we
+must remember that devotion to the shepherd's craft was the controlling
+principle of Snarley's being. Had he been able to philosophise on the
+basis of his experience, he would have found it impossible to represent
+perfection as grounded otherwise than on a supreme skill in the breeding
+and management of sheep. No being, in his view of things, could wear the
+title of "good Shepherd" for any other reason. Taking Snarley all round,
+I dare say he was not a bad man; but I doubt if there was any sin which
+smelt so rank in his nostrils as the loss of a lamb through
+carelessness, nor any virtue he rated so high as that which was rewarded
+by a first prize at the agricultural show. The form of his ideal, and
+the direction of his hero-worship, were determined accordingly.</p>
+
+<p>The name preferred by Snarley was, as I have said, "the Shepherd," and
+the term was no metaphor. He was familiar with every passage in the New
+Testament where mention is made of sheep; he knew, for example, the
+opening verses of the tenth chapter of St. John by heart; and all these
+metaphorical passages were translated by him into literal meaning. That
+is to say, the Person to whom they refer, or by whom they were spoken,
+was one whom Snarley found it especially fitting to consult, and whose
+sympathy he was most vividly aware of, in doing his own duty as a
+guardian of sheep.</p>
+
+<p>For instance, it was his practice to guide the flock by walking <i>before</i>
+them; and this he explained as "a way 'the Shepherd' had." He said that
+when walking behind he was invariably alone; but when going in front
+"the Shepherd" was frequently by his side. And there were greater
+"revelations" than this. During the lambing season, when Snarley would
+often spend the night in his box, high up among the wolds, "the
+Shepherd" would announce his presence towards midnight by giving a
+signal, which Snarley would immediately answer, and pass long hours with
+him communing on the mysteries of their craft.</p>
+
+<p>From this source Snarley professed to have derived some of the secrets
+on which his system of breeding was founded. "'The Shepherd' had put him
+up to them." He said that it was "the Shepherd" who had turned his
+thoughts to Spain as the country which would provide him with a
+short-eared ram. "The Shepherd" had assisted in the creation of
+"Thunderbolt," had indicated the meadows where the "Spanish cross" would
+find the best pasturage, and never failed to warn him when he was going
+to make a serious mistake. In his brilliant successes, which were many,
+at agricultural shows and such like, Snarley disclaimed every tittle of
+merit for himself, assuring Mrs. Abel that it was all due to the
+guidance of "the Shepherd." Of the prize-money which came to him in this
+way&mdash;for Farmer Perryman let him have it all&mdash;Snarley would never spend
+a sixpence; it was all "the Shepherd's money," and was promptly banked
+"that the missis might have a bit when he were gone"&mdash;the "bit"
+amounting, if I remember rightly, to four hundred and eighty pounds.</p>
+
+<p>Throughout these communings there was scarcely a trace of moral
+reference in the usual senses of the term. One rule of life, and one
+only, Snarley professed to have derived from his invisible monitor&mdash;that
+"the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep." This rule, also, he
+accepted in a strictly literal sense, and considered himself under
+orders accordingly. Thus interpreted, it was for him the one rule which
+summed up the essential content of the whole moral law.</p>
+
+<p>I am not able to recall any notable act of heroism or self-sacrifice
+performed by Snarley on behalf of his flock; but perhaps we shall not
+err in regarding his whole life as such an act. When, in his old age,
+physical suffering overtook him&mdash;the result of a lifetime of toil and
+exposure to the elements&mdash;he bore it as a good soldier should bear his
+wounds, sustained by the consciousness that pain such as his was the lot
+of every shepherd "as did his duty by the sheep."</p>
+
+<p>Nor am I aware that he displayed any emotional tenderness towards his
+charges; and certainly, I may add, his personal appearance would not
+have recommended him to a painter in search of a model for the Good
+Shepherd of traditional art. In eliminating undesirable specimens from
+the flock, Snarley was as ruthless as Nature; and when the butcher's man
+drove them off to the shambles he would watch their departure without a
+qualm. It was certainly said that he would never slaughter a sheep with
+his own hands, not even when death was merciful; on the other hand, he
+would sternly execute, by shooting, any dog that showed a tendency to
+bite or worry the flock. There was one doubtful case of this kind which
+Snarley told Mrs. Abel he had settled by reference to his monitor&mdash;the
+verdict being adverse to the dog. The monitor was, indeed, his actual
+Master&mdash;the captain of the ship whose orders were inviolable,&mdash;Farmer
+Perryman being only the purser from whom he received his pay: a view of
+the relationship which probably worked to Perryman's great advantage.</p>
+
+<p>In short, whatever may have been Snarley's sins or virtues in other
+directions, "the Shepherd" had little or nothing to do with them. The
+burden which Snarley laid at his feet was the burden which had bent his
+back, and crippled his limbs, and gnarled his hands, and furrowed his
+broad brows during seventy years of hardship and toil. Moral lapses&mdash;in
+the matter of drink and, at one time, of fighting&mdash;occasionally took
+place; but they were never known to be followed by any reference to the
+disapproval of "the Shepherd." In some respects, indeed, Robert Dellanow
+showed himself singularly deficient in moral graces. To the very end of
+his life he was given to outbreaks of violent behaviour&mdash;as we have
+seen; and not only would he show no signs of after-contrition for his
+bad conduct, but would hint, at times, that his invisible companion had
+been a partner, or at least an unreproving spectator, in what he had
+done. But if he made a mistake in feeding the ewes or in doctoring the
+lambs, Snarley would say, "I don't know what 'the Shepherd' will think
+o' me. I'll hardly have the face to meet him next time." Once, on the
+other hand, when there had been a heavy snowfall towards the end of
+April, and desperate work in digging the flock out of a drift, he
+described the success of the operations to Mrs. Abel by saying, "It were
+a job as 'the Shepherd' himself might be proud on."</p>
+
+<p>In the last period of his life, however, gleams of his earlier Methodism
+occasionally shot through, and showed plainly enough of whom he was
+thinking. As with most men of his craft, his old age was made grievous
+by rheumatism; there were times, indeed, when every joint of his body
+was in agony. All this Snarley bore with heroic fortitude, sticking to
+his duties on days when he described himself as "a'most blind wi' pain."
+We have seen what sustained him, and it was strengthened, of course, as
+he told some of us, by the belief that "the Shepherd" had borne far
+worse. When at last the rheumatism invaded the valves of his heart, and
+every walk up the hill was an invitation to Death, the old man still
+held on, unmoved by the doctor's warnings and the urgency of his
+friends. The Perrymans implored him to desist, and promised a pension;
+his wife threatened and wept; Mrs. Abel added her entreaties. To the
+latter he replied, "Not till I drops! As long as 'the Shepherd' 's there
+to meet me I know as I'm wanted. The lambs ha' got to be fed. Besides
+'the Shepherd' and me has an understandin'. I'll never give in while I
+can stand on my legs and hold my crook in my hand."</p>
+
+<p>There is reason to believe that every phase of Snarley's connection with
+Toller was laid before "the Shepherd." Each new development was subject
+to his guidance. Shortly after Toller's disappearance, Snarley said to
+Mrs. Abel, "Me and 'the Shepherd' has been talkin' it over. He sez to
+me, 'Snarley, when you lose a sheep, you goes after it into the
+wilderness, and you looks and looks till you finds. But this time it's a
+shepherd that's lost. Now you stay quiet where you are, and keep your
+eyes and ears open day and night. I know where he is; he's all right;
+and I'm lookin' after him. By and by I'm going to hand him over to you.
+Him and you has got to drink together, but it'll be a drink o' gall for
+both on you. When the time comes, I'll give you the sign.'"</p>
+
+<p>"The sign come," he added, later on, "the sign come that night in the
+Nag's Head, when the groom told us about the kettle. I'd just had a drop
+o' something short, and when I looks up there were 'the Shepherd'
+sittin' in the chair next but one to Shoemaker Hankin. Just then the
+groom come in, and 'the Shepherd' gets up and comes over to a little
+table where I'd got my glass. The groom sits down where 'the Shepherd'
+had been, and 'the Shepherd' sits down opposite to me. The groom says,
+'Boys, I've got summat to tell you as'll make your hair stand on end.'
+'Fire away,' says Tom Barter; and 'the Shepherd,' he holds up his finger
+and looks at me. When the groom had done, and they were all shoutin' and
+laughin', 'the Shepherd' leans across the table and whispers, close in
+my ear, 'Snarley, the hour's come! Drink up what's left in your glass.
+It's time to be goin'.'"</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+
+<p>During the trying time of his concealment and tending of Toller, "the
+Shepherd's" presence became more frequent, and Snarley's
+characterisation more precise. The belief that "the Shepherd" was
+"backing him up" gave Snarley a will of iron. When Mrs. Abel, on the
+night of his confession, essayed to reprove him for not obtaining
+medical assistance for Toller, he drew himself as erect as his crippled
+limbs allowed, and said quietly, in a manner that closed discussion, "It
+were 'the Master's' orders, my lady. He'd handed him over to <i>me</i>." He
+also said, or hinted, that "the Master" had taught him the
+method&mdash;whatever it may have been for sending Toller to sleep, "that
+were better than all the doctor's bottles." From the same source,
+doubtless, came his secret for "setting Toller's mind at rest." That
+secret is undivulged; but it was connected in some way with what Snarley
+called "the Shepherd's Plan," of which all we could learn was that
+"there were three men on three crosses, him in the middle being 'the
+Shepherd,' and them at the sides being Toller and me."</p>
+
+<p>"There were allus three on us in the hut," said Snarley, "and all three
+were men as knowed what pain were. Both Toller and me was drinking out
+o' 'the Shepherd's' cup, and he'd promised to stay by us till the last
+drop was gone. 'It's full o' fury and wrath,' sez he; 'but it's got to
+be drunk by them as wants to drive their flock among the stars. I've
+gone before, and you're comin' after. When you've done this there'll be
+no more like it. The next cup will be full o' wine, and we'll all three
+drink it together.'"</p>
+
+<p>In this wise did Snarley and Toller receive the Sacrament in their dark
+and lonely den.</p>
+
+<p>The night on which Snarley came home "like a man walking in his
+sleep"&mdash;the last night of Toller's life&mdash;was wild, wet, and very dark.
+With a lantern in one hand, a can of milk in the other, and a bag of
+sticks on his back, the old man stumbled through the night until he
+reached the last slope leading to Toller's hut. Here the lantern was
+blown out, and Snarley, after depositing his burdens, sat down, dizzy
+and faint, on a stone. In his pocket was an eight-ounce bottle,
+containing a meagre sixpenn'orth of brandy for Shepherd Toller. Snarley
+fingered the bottle, and then, with quick resolution, withdrew his hand.
+"For the life o' me," he said, "I couldn't remember where I was. I felt
+as though the hillside were whirlin' round, carryin' me with it. And
+then I felt as though I were sinkin' into the ground. 'I'll never get
+there this night,' I sez to myself. Just then I hears something movin',
+and blessed if it wasn't Toller's old dog as had come to look for me. He
+come jumpin' up and begins lickin' my face. Well, it put a bit o' heart
+into me to feel the old dog. So I picks up the can and the bundle, and
+off I goes again; and, though I wouldn't ha' believed it, it weren't
+more than eighty yards, or a hundred at most, to the hut.</p>
+
+<p>"When I come to the edge of the pit I sees a lantern burnin' near the
+door, wonderful bright; and there were 'the Shepherd' sittin' on a
+stone, same as I'd been doin' myself a minute before. As soon as he sees
+me comin', he waves his lantern and calls out, 'Have a care, Snarley,
+it's a steep and narrow road.' Well, the path down into the pit were as
+slippery as ice, and I tell you I'd never ha' got down&mdash;at least, not
+without breakin' some o' my bones&mdash;if 'the Shepherd' hadn't kep' showin'
+me a light.</p>
+
+<p>"So I comes up to where he were; and then I noticed as he were wet
+through, just as I were, and looking regular wore out. 'Snarley,' he sez
+to me, 'you carry your cross like a man.' 'I learnt that from you,
+Master,' I sez; 'but you look as though yours had been a bit too heavy
+for you this time.' 'We've had terrible work to-day,' he sez; 'we've
+been dividin' the sheep from the goats. And there's no keepin' 'em
+apart. We no sooner gets 'em sorted than they mixes themselves up again,
+till you don't know where you are.' 'Why didn't you let me come and help
+you?' I sez. 'I'd ha' brought Boxer, and he'd ha' settled 'em pretty
+quick.' 'No, no,' he sez; 'your hour's not come. When I wants you, I'll
+give you a sign as you can't mistake. Besides, you're not knowledgable
+in goats. Feed my sheep.' 'Well,' I sez, 'when you wants me, you knows
+where to find me.' 'Right,' he sez; 'but it's Toller we'll be wantin'
+first. And I've been thinkin' as p'raps he'd oblige us by lettin' us
+have the loan of his dog for a bit.' 'I'll go in and ask him,' I sez; 'I
+don't suppose he'll have any objection.' Then 'the Shepherd' blew his
+lantern out, and I see him no more that night.</p>
+
+<p>"Me and the dog goes into the hut, and I could hear as Toller were fast
+asleep in his bed. I begins blowin' up the embers in the fire, and when
+the blaze come the old dog lay down as though he meant goin' to sleep.
+But I could see as there was somethin' on his mind, for he kept cockin'
+his nose up, and sniffin' and lookin' round. Then he gets up and begins
+scratchin' at the door, as he allus did when he wanted to go out. So I
+opens the door, and out he rushes into the dark, like a mad thing,
+barkin' as though he smelt a fox.</p>
+
+<p>"When I'd done what I'd come to do, I puts the brandy and the buttermilk
+where they'd be handy for Shepherd Toller to get 'em, and then I goes to
+the door and begins whistlin' for the dog. But no sign of him could I
+hear or see, though I kep' on whistlin' for full a quarter of a' hour.
+It were strange as it didn't wake Shepherd Toller, but he kep' on
+sleepin' like a child in a thunderstorm. At last I give it up and shut
+the door and went home. How I got back, I don't know. I can't remember
+nothing till my missis catched hold on me and pulled me in through the
+door."</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+
+<p>"I'd never ha' been able to shoot the old dog," said Snarley, "if 'the
+Shepherd' hadn't made me do it. I turned fair sick when I put the charge
+in the gun, and when I pointed it at him I was in such a tremble that I
+couldn't aim straight. I tried three or four times to get steady, the
+dog standin' as still as still all the while, except that he kep'
+waggin' his tail.</p>
+
+<p>"All of a sudden I sees 'the Shepherd,' plain as plain. He were standin'
+just behind the old dog, strokin' his head. 'Shoot, Snarley,' he sez;
+'shoot, and we'll look after him.' 'Stand back, then, Master,' I sez;
+'for I'm goin' to fire.' 'Fire,' he sez; 'but aim lower. The shot won't
+hurt <i>me</i>,' and he went on strokin' the dog's head. So I pulls the
+trigger, and when the smoke cleared 'the Shepherd' were gone, and the
+dog were lyin' dead as any stone."</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="THE_DEATH_OF_SNARLEY_BOB" id="THE_DEATH_OF_SNARLEY_BOB"></a>THE DEATH OF SNARLEY BOB</h2>
+
+
+<p>"He'd a rough tongue, sir; but he'd a good 'eart," said the widow of
+Snarley Bob. "Oh, sir, but he were a wonderful man, were my master. I
+never knowed one like him&mdash;no, nor never 'eard o' one. I didn't think on
+it while he were living; but now' he's gone I know what I've lost. That
+clever! Why, he often used to say to me. 'Polly, there ain't a bit of
+blessed owt as I couldn't do, if I tried.' And it were true, sir. And
+him nothing but a shepherd all his life, and never earned more'n
+eighteen shillin' a week takin' it all the year round. And us wi' a
+family of thirteen children, without buryin' one on 'em, and all married
+and doin' well. And only one fault, sir, and that not so bad as it is in
+some. He <i>would</i> have his drop of drink&mdash;that is, whenever he could get
+it. Not that he spent his wages on it, except now and then after the
+children was growed up. But you see, sir, he was that amusin' in his
+talk, and folks used to treat him.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, sir, it was last Saturday fortnight, as I was tellin' you, he
+come home for the last time. I can see 'im now, just as he come
+staggerin' in at that door. I thought when I saw him that he'd had a
+drop o'drink, though he'd not been 'avin' any for a long time. So I sez
+to myself, 'I'd better make 'im a cup o' tea,' and I begins puttin' the
+kettle on the fire. 'What are you doin'?' he sez. 'I'm goin' to give you
+a cup o' tea,' I sez; 'It'll do yer good.' 'No, it won't,' he sez, 'I've
+done wi' cups o' tea in this world.' 'Why,' I sez, 'what rubbish! 'Ere,
+sit yer down, and let me pull yer boots off.' 'You can pull 'em off,' he
+sez 'but ye'll never see me put 'em on again.'</p>
+
+<p>"I could see by this that it wasn't drink besides I couldn't smell any.
+So I gets 'im into his chair and begins pullin' his boots off. 'What
+makes you talk like that?' I sez. 'You knows as you was ever so much
+better last night. When you've had yer medicine you'll be all right.' He
+said nowt for a time, but just sat, tremblin' and shiverin' in his
+chair. So I sez, 'Hadn't you better 'ave the doctor?' 'It's no good,' he
+sez; 'I'm come 'ome for the last time. It'll be good-bye this time,
+missis.' 'Not it,' I sez; 'you've got many years to live yet. Why, wot's
+to make yer die?' 'It's my 'eart,' he sez; 'it's all flip-floppin' about
+inside me, and gurglin' like a stuck pig. It's wore out, and I keep
+gettin' that faint.' 'Oh,' I sez, 'cheer up; when you've 'ad a cup o'
+tea you'll feel better'; but I'd hardly got the words out o' my mouth
+before he were gone in a dead faint.</p>
+
+<p>"We got 'im to bed between the three on us, and, my word, it were a job
+gettin' 'im up them narrer stairs! As soon as we'd made 'im comfortable,
+he sez to me, 'Wot I told yer's comin' to-night, Polly. They've been
+a-callin' on me all day. I see 'em and 'ear 'em, too. Loud as loud.
+Plain as plain.' 'Who's been callin' yer?' I sez. 'The messengers o'
+death,' he sez; 'and they're in this room, four on 'em, now. I can 'ear
+'em movin' and talkin' to one another.' 'Oh,' I sez, 'it's all fancy.
+What you 'ear is me and Mrs. Rowe. You lie quiet and go to sleep, and
+you'll be better in the mornin'.' He only shook his 'ead and said, 'I
+can 'ear 'em.'</p>
+
+<p>"Well, I suppose it was about 'alf a' hour after this when Mrs. Rowe sez
+to me, 'He looks like goin' to sleep now, Mrs. Dellanow, so I think I'll
+go 'ome and get my master 'is supper'; and she was just goin' down the
+stairs when all of a sudden he starts up in bed and sez, 'Do you 'ear
+that whistle blowin'?' 'No,' I sez, 'you've been dreamin'. There isn't
+nobody whistlin' at this time o' night.' 'Yes,' he sez, 'there is, and
+it blowed three times. There's thousands and thousands of sheep, and a
+tall shepherd whistlin' to his dog. But he's got no dog, and it's me
+he's whistlin' for.'</p>
+
+<p>"Now, sir, you must understand that my 'usband when he was with the
+sheep used to work his dog wi' whistlin' instead of shoutin' to it as
+most shepherds do. You can see his whistle hangin' on that nail&mdash;that's
+where he hung it 'isself for twenty-five years. You see, he was kind o'
+superstitious and used to say it was bad luck to keep yer whistle in yer
+pocket when you went to bed. So he always hung it on that nail, the last
+thing at night.</p>
+
+<p>"'Why,' I sez, tryin' to humour 'im, 'it's his dog he's whistlin' for,
+not you. His dog's somewhere where you can't see it. He doesn't want
+you. You lie back again, and go to sleep.' 'No, no,' sez he; 'there's no
+dog, and the sheep's runnin' everywhere, thousands on 'em. It's me he's
+whistlin' for, and we must whistle back to say I'm comin'. Fetch it down
+from the nail, Polly. There he is again! He's the tallest shepherd I
+ever saw. He's one of them four that was in the room just now. Whistle
+back, Polly, and then it'll be all right.' And so he kep' on, again and
+again.</p>
+
+<p>"Mrs. Rowe, who'd come into the room, said to me, 'If I was you, Mrs.
+Dellanow, I'd fetch the whistle and blow it. It'll quiet 'im, and then
+p'raps he'll go to sleep.'</p>
+
+<p>"You can understand, sir, that I was that upset I didn't know what I was
+doing. But when he kep' on callin' and beseechin' I thought I'd better
+do as Mrs. Rowe recommended. So I went down and took the whistle from
+that nail&mdash;the same where you see it hangin' now. When I got back I
+couldn't somehow bring myself to do it, so I gives it to 'im to blow
+'isself. But, oh dear, to see the poor thing trying to put it to his
+mouth ... it a'most broke my heart. So I took it from 'im, and blowed it
+myself three times as he wanted me. To think o' me standin' by my own
+'usband's dyin'-bed and blowin' a whistle!</p>
+
+<p>"When I'd done, he says, 'That's all right; he knows I'm comin' now. But
+it'll take a long time to gather all them sheep.'</p>
+
+<p>"For a bit he was quite still, and both me and Mrs. Rowe sat watchin',
+when, all of a sudden, he starts up again and sez, 'Listen, he's goin'
+to blow again,' Well, sir, I dare say you won't believe what I'm going
+to tell yer, but it's as true as I'm standin' 'ere. He'd hardly got the
+words out of his mouth when I hears a whistle blown three
+times&mdash;leastways I thought I did&mdash;as it might be coming from the top of
+that 'ill you see over there. There weren't no other sounds, for it was
+as still a night as could be. But there was someone whistling, and Mrs.
+Rowe 'eard it too. If you don't believe me, you can ask her. I nearly
+dropped on the floor, and I knew from that minute that my 'usband was
+going to die.</p>
+
+<p>"You see, sir, my 'usband was never what you might call a religious man.
+He were more of a readin' man, my 'usband was&mdash;papers and books and all
+sorts o' things&mdash;more'n was good for 'im, I often used to say. You can
+see a lot on 'em on that little shelf. If it hadn't been that they kep'
+'im out o' the Nag's Head I'd ha' burned some on 'em, that I would, and
+I often told 'im so. He knowed a wonderful lot about the stars, my
+'usband did. Why, he'd often sit in his chair outside that door, smokin'
+his pipe and watchin' 'em for hours together.</p>
+
+<p>"One day there was a great man came down to give a lecture on the stars
+in C&mdash;&mdash;, and a gentleman as knowed my 'usband's tastes paid his fare
+and gave 'im a ticket for the lecture. When he came 'ome he was that
+excited I thought he'd go out o' his mind. He seemed as though he could
+think of nothing else for weeks, and it wasn't till he began to ha' bad
+luck wi' the ewes as he was able to shake it off. He was allus lookin'
+in the paper to see if the gentleman as give the lecture was comin'
+again. His name was Sir Robert Ball. I dare say you've heard on 'im.</p>
+
+<p>"He used to spend all his Sundays readin' about stars. No, sir, he
+'adn't been inside the church for years. 'Church is for folks as knows
+nowt about the stars,' he used to say. 'Sir Robert Ball's my parson.'
+One night when he was sittin' outside the door. I sez, 'Why don't you
+come in and get yer supper? It's getting cold.' 'Let it get cold,' he
+sez; 'I'm not comin' in till the moon's riz. It's as good as a drop o'
+drink to see it.'</p>
+
+<p>"P'raps he told yer all about that time when he was took up wi'
+spiritualism. He'd met a man in the public-'ouse who'd 'eard his talk
+and put 'im up to it. They got 'im to go to a meetin' i' the next
+village, and made 'im believe as he was a medium. Well, there never was
+such goin's-on as we 'ad wi' 'im for months. He'd sit up 'alf the night,
+bumpin' the table and tan-rannin' wi' an old bucket till I was a'most
+scared out o' my life. But that winter he was nearly carried off wi' the
+New Mony, and when he got better he said he wasn't goin' to touch the
+spirits no more. 'There's summat in it,' he sez; 'but there's more in
+the stars.' And from that day I never 'eard 'im so much as talk about
+spirits, and you may be sure I didn't remind 'im on 'em.</p>
+
+<p>"You must ha' often 'eard 'im talk about the stars, sir. Well, I suppose
+them things makes no difference to a' eddicated gentleman like you. But
+poor folks, <i>I</i> sez, has no business to meddle wi' em. All about worlds
+and worlds floatin' on nothin' till you got fair lost. Folks as find
+them things out ought to keep 'em quiet, that's wot <i>I</i> sez. Why, I've
+'eard 'im talk till I was that mazed that I couldn't 'a said my prayers;
+no, not if I'd tried ever so.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, sir, it were a strange thing that when my 'usband come to die his
+mind seemed to hang on his whistle more'n a'most anything else. He kep'
+talkin' about it all night, and sayin' the tall shepherd was answerin'
+back, though I never 'eard nothin' myself, save that one time I told yer
+of.</p>
+
+<p>"'It's queer he don't talk about the stars,' sez Mrs. Rowe to me. 'He
+will do before he's done, you see if he doesn't,' I sez.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, about three o'clock I see a change in his face and knowed as the
+end wasn't far off. So I puts my arm round his old neck, and I sez,
+'Bob, my dear, are you prepared to meet your Maker?' 'Oh! I'm all
+right,' he sez quite sensible; 'don't you bother your head about that,'
+'Don't you think you'd better let me send for the parson?' I sez. 'No,'
+he sez; 'but you could send for Sir Robert Ball&mdash;if you only knew where
+to find him.' 'But,' I sez, 'wouldn't you like somebody to pray with
+yer? Sir Robert Ball's no good for that,' 'He's as good as anybody
+else,' he sez. 'Besides what's the use of prayin' now? It's all over,'
+'It might do yer good,' I sez. 'It's too late," he sez, 'and I don't
+want it. It isn't no Maker I'm goin' to&mdash;I'm goin' to the stars,' 'Oh,'
+I sez, 'you're dreamin' again,' 'No, I'm not' he sez. 'Didn't I tell yer
+they'd been a-callin' on me all day? I don't mean the stars, but them as
+lives in 'em.'</p>
+
+<p>"No, sir, he wasn't wanderin' then. 'I wish the children was 'ere,' he
+sez; 'but you couldn't get 'em all in this little room. My eye, what a
+lot we've 'ad! And all livin'. And there's Tom got seven of 'is own,'
+And a lot more like that; but I was so upset and cryin' that I can't
+remember half on it.</p>
+
+<p>"About four o'clock he seemed to rally a bit and asked me to put my arm
+round him and lift him up. So I raises him, like, on the pillow and
+gives him a sup o' water. 'What day o' the week is it?' he sez. 'Sunday
+mornin',' I sez. 'That's my day for the stars,' he sez, and a smile come
+over his face, as were beautiful to see.... No, sir, he weren't a
+smilin' man, as a rule&mdash;he allus got too much on his mind&mdash;and a lot o'
+pain to bear too, sir. Oh, dear me!... Well, as I was a-sayin', he were
+as glad as glad when he heard it were Sunday. 'What's o'clock?' he sez.
+'Just struck four by the church clock,' I sez. 'Then the dawn must be
+breakin',' he sez; 'look out o' the winder, there's a good lass, and
+tell me if the sky's clear, and if you can see the mornin' star in the
+south-east.' So I goes to the winder and tells him as how the sky were
+clear and the mornin' star shinin' wonderful. 'Ah, she's a beauty,' he
+sez, 'and as bright as she were milions o' years ago!'</p>
+
+<p>"After a bit he sez, 'Take yer arm off, Polly, and lay me on my right
+side.' When me and Mrs. Rowe 'ad turned 'im round he sez, 'You can fetch
+the old Bible and read a bit if you like,' 'What shall I read?' I sez,
+when Mrs. Rowe had fetched it, for I wouldn't leave 'im for a minute.
+'Read about the Woman in Adultery,' he sez. 'Oh,' I sez, 'that'll do you
+no good. You don't want to 'ear about them things now.' 'Yes,' he sez,
+'I do. It's the best bit in the book. But if you can't find it, the Box
+o' Hointment'll do as well.' 'What can he mean?' I sez. 'He means about
+them two women as come to our Lord,' sez Mrs. Rowe. ''Ere, I'll find
+'em.' So I give the Bible to Mrs. Rowe and lets her read both of the
+bits he wanted.</p>
+
+<p>"While Mrs. Rowe was readin' he lay as still as still, but his eyes were
+that bright it a'most scared me to see 'em. When she'd done, he said
+never a word, but lay on 'is side, wi' 'is 'ead turned a bit round,
+starin' at the window. 'I'm sure he sees summat,' sez Mrs. Rowe to me.
+'I wonder wot it is,' I sez. 'P'raps it's our Lord come to fetch 'im,'
+she sez. 'I've 'eard o' such things.'</p>
+
+<p>"He must ha' lay like that for ten minutes, breathin' big breaths as
+though he were goin' to sleep. Then I sees 'is lips movin', and I 'ad to
+bend my 'ead down to 'ear what he were sayin'. 'He's a-blowin' again.
+It's the tall shepherd&mdash;'im as wrote on the ground&mdash;and he's got no dog,
+and 'is sheep's scatterin'. It's me he wants. Fetch the old whistle,
+Polly, and blow back. I want 'im to know I'm comin'.'</p>
+
+<p>"He kep' repeatin' it, till 'is breath went. I got Mrs. Rowe to blow the
+whistle, but he didn't 'ear it, and it made no difference. And so, poor
+thing, he just gave one big sigh and he were gone."</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="FARMER_PERRYMANS_TALL_HAT" id="FARMER_PERRYMANS_TALL_HAT"></a>FARMER PERRYMAN'S TALL HAT</h2>
+
+
+<p>It was winter, and Farmer Perryman and I were seated in straight-backed
+arm-chairs on either side of his kitchen fire. The prosperity attendant
+on the labours of Snarley Bob had already begun: the house was roomy and
+well furnished; there was a parlour and a drawing-room; but Perryman,
+when the day's work was done, preferred the kitchen. And so did I.</p>
+
+<p>Though evening had fallen, the lamp was not yet lit; but the flames of a
+wood fire gave light enough for conversational purposes, and imparted to
+the flitches and hams suspended from the ceiling a lively reality which
+neither daylight nor petroleum could ever produce. As the shadows danced
+among them, the kitchen became peopled with friendly presences; a new
+fragrance pervaded the place, bearing a hint of good things to come. No
+wonder that Perryman loved the spot.</p>
+
+<p>To-night, however, there was another object in the room, of so alien a
+nature that any self-respecting ham or flitch, had it possessed a
+reasonable soul, would have been sorely tempted to "heave half a brick"
+at the intruder. This object stood gleaming on a table in the middle of
+the room. It was a bran-new and brilliantly polished tall hat.</p>
+
+<p>"No," said Farmer Perryman, "it's not for Sundays. It's for a weddin'!
+You'll never see me wearing a box-hat on Sundays again. Will he,
+missis?" (Mrs. Perryman said, "I don't expect he will.") "No sir, not
+again! Not that I don't mean to go to church regular. I've done that all
+my life.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, you're quite right. Folks in the villages don't go to church as
+they used to do when I was a young man, and I'm sorry to see it. Folks
+nowadays seems to have forgotten as they've got to die. Besides, it's
+not good for farmin'. Show me any parish in the county where there's
+first-class farmin', and I'll bet you three to one there's a good
+congregation in the church.</p>
+
+<p>"What's driven 'em away, did you say? Well, if you want my opinion, it's
+my belief as this 'ere Church Restoration has as much to do wi' it as
+anything else. There's been a lot o' new doctrine, it's true, and all
+this 'ere 'Igh Churchism, as I could never make head nor tail of; and
+that, no doubt, has offended some o' the old-fashioned folk like me. But
+it's when they starts restoring the old churches, and makin' 'em all
+spick and span, that the religious feelin' seems to die out on 'em, and
+folks begins to stop goin'. You might as well be in a concert hall&mdash;the
+place full o' chairs and smellin' o' varnish enough to make you sick,
+and a lot o' lads in the chancel dressed up in white gowns, and suckin'
+sweets, and chuckin' paper pellets at one another all through the
+sermon. That's not what <i>I</i> call religion!</p>
+
+<p>"I've often told our parson as it were the worst day's work he ever did
+when he had our church restored. And a lot o' money it cost, too; but
+not a penny would I give, and I told 'em I wouldn't&mdash;no, not if they'd
+gone down on their bended knees. From that day to this our church has
+never <i>smelt</i> right&mdash;never smelt as a church <i>ought</i> to smell. You know
+the smell of a' old church? Well, I don't know what makes it; but there
+it is, and when you've said your prayers to it for forty years you can't
+say 'em to no other.</p>
+
+<p>"I can remember what a turn it gave me that Sunday when the Bishop came
+down to open the church after it had been restored. The old smell clean
+gone, and what was worse a new smell come! 'Mr. Abel,' I says, 'I can
+put up wi' a bit of new doctrine, and I don't mind a pinch or two o'
+ceremony; but I can't abide these 'ere new smells,' 'I'll never be able
+to keep on comin',' I says to Charley Shott. 'Nor me, neither,' he says.
+"I'll go to church in another parish,' I says to my missis, 'for danged
+if you'll ever see me goin' inside a chapel.'</p>
+
+<p>"So I went next Sunday to Holliton, and&mdash;would you believe me?&mdash;it had a
+new smell, worse, if anything, than ours. There was a' old man in a
+black gown, and a long stick in his hand, walkin' up and down the aisle.
+So I says to him, 'What's up with this 'ere church? Has them candles on
+the altar been smokin'?' 'No,' he says, 'not as I know on.' 'Well,' I
+says, sniffin' like, 'there's a very queer smell in the place. It's not
+'ealthy. Summat ought to be done to it at once.' 'Hush!' he says, 'what
+you smells is the incense.' And then the Holliton clergyman! Well&mdash;I
+couldn't stand him at no price&mdash;a great, big, fat feller wi' no more
+religion in him than a cow&mdash;and not more'n six people in the church.
+'Not for me,' I says, 'not after Mr. Abel.'</p>
+
+<p>"Well, I didn't know what to do, when one day I sees Charley Shott
+comin' out o' our churchyard. 'Sam,' he says, 'I've just been sniffin'
+round inside the church, and there she is, all alive and kickin'!'
+'What's all alive and kickin'?' I says. 'The old smell,' says he; 'come
+inside, and I'll show you where she is.' So I follows Charley Shott into
+the church, and he takes me round to where the old tomb is, in the north
+transep'. 'Now,' he says, 'take a whiff o' that, Sam.' 'Charley,' I
+says, 'it's the right smell sure enough; and if only she won't wear off,
+I'll sit in this corner to the end o' my days.' 'She's not likely to
+wear off,' he says; 'she comes from the old tomb. It's a mixture o' damp
+and dust. Now, the damp's all right, because the heatin' pipes don't
+come round here; and, besides, the sun never gets into this corner. And
+as to the dust, you just take your pocket-handkerchief and give a flick
+or two round the bottom o' the tomb. That'll freshen her up any time.'</p>
+
+<p>"Well, you may laugh; but I tell you it's as true as I'm sittin' here. I
+allus goes to church in good time, and if my corner don't smell true, I
+just dusts her up a bit, and then she's as right as a trivet."</p>
+
+<p>"But," I said, "you were going to tell me about the tall hat."</p>
+
+<p>"Ha, so I was," replied Ferryman; "but the hat made me think o' the
+church, and that put me off. Well, it's no doin' o' mine that you see
+that hat where it is to-night. If I had my way it 'ud be in the place
+where it came from, and fifteen shillin's that's in another place 'ud be
+in my pocket. I'm not used to 'em, and what's more I never shall be. But
+a weddin's a weddin', and your niece is your niece, and when your missis
+says you've got to wear one&mdash;why, what's the use o' sayin' you won't?
+However, that's not the first tall hat as I've worn."</p>
+
+<p>"Tell me about the others," I said.</p>
+
+<p>"There was only one other, and that other was one 'other' too many for
+me," replied the farmer. "It's seven years come next hay harvest since
+my wife come into a bit of money as had been left her by her aunt.
+'Sam,' she says to me, 'we got a rise, and we must act up to it.' 'Right
+you are,' I says; 'but how are you goin' to start?' 'Well,' she says,
+'the first thing you've got to do is to leave off wearing billy-cocks on
+Sundays and buy a box-hat,' 'Polished 'ats,' I says, 'is for polished
+'eads, and mine was ordered plain,' 'If there's no polish on your 'ead,'
+says she, 'that's a reason for having some on your 'at.'</p>
+
+<p>"Well, we had a bit more chaff, and the end of it was that I promised to
+buy one, though, between you and me, I never meant to. However, when
+market-day come round, she <i>would</i> go with me, and never a bit of peace
+did she give me till she'd driven me into a shop and made me buy the
+hat. 'I've bought it, Sally,' I said; 'but you'll <i>never</i> see me wear
+it.' 'Oh yes, I shall,' she says; 'you're not nearly such a fool as you
+try to make yourself out.' Well, I went home that day just as mad as
+mad. If there's one thing in this world as upsets me it's spending money
+on things I don't want. And there was twelve-and-sixpence gone on a
+box-hat! If Sally hadn't kept hold on it I'd ha' kicked the whole thing
+half a mile further than the middle of next week. 'I'll get that
+twelve-and-sixpence back somehow,' I said to myself; 'you see if I
+don't. It's the Church that made me spend it, and the Church shall pay
+me back. If I didn't go to church I shouldn't have bought that hat. All
+right, Mr. Church,' I said, as I drove by it, shakin' my fist at the
+steeple, 'I'll be even with you yet'; and I shouted it out loud."</p>
+
+<p>"I should have thought your wife had more to do with it than the
+Church," I interposed.</p>
+
+<p>"Of course she had&mdash;in a plain sense o' speakin'," said the farmer. "But
+then your wife's your wife, especially when she's a good 'un, and the
+Church is the Church. Some men might ha' rounded on Sally; but I told
+her before we were married that the first bad word I gave her would be
+the answer to one she gave me. That's eight-and-twenty year ago, and we
+haven't begun yet. But where was I? Oh, I was tellin' you what I said to
+the church. You can guess what a rage I was in from my gettin' such a'
+idea into my 'ead."</p>
+
+<p>"No other reason?" I asked.</p>
+
+<p>"Not a drop," replied Perryman; "for I suppose that's what you mean. No,
+sir, I give it up once and for all ever since that time when Mrs. Abel
+followed me to Crawley Races. Ay, and the best day's work she ever
+did&mdash;and that's sayin' a good deal, I can tell you. I can see her just
+as she was. She were drivin' a little blood-mare as she'd bought o'
+me&mdash;one as I'd bred myself&mdash;for I were more in 'osses than sheep in them
+days&mdash;and Mrs. Abel were allus a lady as knowed a good 'oss when she see
+it. And there was Snarley Bob, in his Sunday clothes, sittin' on the
+seat behind. She'd got a little blue bonnet on, as suited her to a T,
+and were lookin' like a&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Tell him about that some other time," said Mrs. Perryman; "if you go on
+at this rate you'll never get finished with the story about your hat."</p>
+
+<p>"Hats isn't everything," said the farmer; "but if hats is what you want
+to hear about, hats is what I'll talk on."</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Perryman looked at me with a glance which seemed to say that, even
+though hats weren't everything, we had better stick to them on the
+present occasion. I interpreted the glance by saying to the farmer, "Go
+on about the hat. We can have the other next time." Mrs. Perryman seemed
+relieved, and her husband continued:</p>
+
+<p>"Well, next mornin' bein' Sunday, the missis managed to get her way, and
+off we sails to church&mdash;she in a silk dress, and me in a box-hat. We was
+twenty minutes before time, for I didn't want people to see us; but,
+just as we were crossing the churchyard, who should we meet but the
+parson and his lady? Know our parson? You're right: he's not only good,
+but good all through, fat, lean, and streaky. That's what he is, and you
+can take my word for it. Know his lady? No?" (I was a new-comer in those
+days.) "Well, you <i>ought</i> to: she'd make you laugh till you choked, and
+next minute she'd make you cry. Mischievous? Why, if I should tell you
+the tricks she's played on people you wouldn't believe 'em. Ever hear
+what she did when the Squire's son come of age? Or about her dressing up
+at the Queen's Jubilee? No? Well, I'll tell you that another time. Oh,
+she's a treat&mdash;a real treat!" (Here Farmer Perryman broke forth into
+mighty laughter and banged his fist on the table with such vigour that
+Tall Hat the Second leaped into the air.)</p>
+
+<p>"Why doesn't Parson keep her under, did you say?" he continued. "Bless
+yer heart, he doesn't want to. She never harmed a living soul. Why, the
+good she's done to this parish couldn't be told. It'll take the whole of
+the Judgment Day to get through it, and then they won't ha' done&mdash;that's
+what folks says. Popular? I should think she <i>was</i>! There isn't a poor
+man or woman in the village as doesn't worship the soles of her boots.
+And there's not many, rich or poor, as she hasn't made fools of&mdash;yes,
+and more than once. They ought to write a book about her. It's a shame
+they don't. My eye, if she'd been Queen of England she'd ha' made things
+jump! As for finding things out, she's got a nose like that little
+terrier bitch o' mine. 'Pon my word, it wouldn't surprise me if she
+knows that you're sittin' in that chair at this minute. You mayn't
+believe me, but I tell you she's capable of more than that.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, yes, she's gettin' an old woman now. I remember the day as Parson
+brought her home&mdash;a quiet-looking little thing, with a face like a tame
+rabbit&mdash;you wouldn't ha' thought she could 'a bitten a hole in the cheek
+of a' apple. Some say she was a' actress before he married her; she's
+<i>clever</i> enough for twenty actresses, and she's <i>better</i> than twenty
+thousand."</p>
+
+<p>"Those are impressive figures," I said, not a little puzzled by the sum
+in moral arithmetic which the farmer's enthusiasm had propounded. "Why,
+she must be a perfect saint."</p>
+
+<p>The words were scarcely out of my mouth when Mr. Perryman rose from his
+chair like a man in wrath. Inadvertently I had used an expression which
+acted like a spark upon gunpowder. Intending to praise his idol, I had
+for some obscure reason wounded the passionate old man in the most
+sensitive nerve of his being. I sat amazed, not understanding what I had
+done, and even now I do not pretend to understand it wholly. But this is
+what happened. Standing over me with fierce gesticulations, Mr. Perryman
+poured out a fury of words, only fragments of which I can now recall.</p>
+
+<p>"Perfect saint!" he shouted. "Do you know who it is you're talking
+about? No, you don't, or you'd never have said such a word! Look here,
+mister, let me tell yer this: you're on the wrong side of your 'osses
+this time! She's no more a saint than <i>I</i> am; if she had been, do you
+think she could ha' done the best thing she ever did?"</p>
+
+<p>"Great heavens!" I thought, "what can he mean?&mdash;I'm sorry you're hurt,"
+I said aloud. "I meant no offence. Only you said just now she was as
+good as twenty thousand&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"<i>Actresses</i>," broke in the farmer. "I said twenty thousand
+actresses&mdash;not twenty thousand <i>lambs</i>."</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, well," I replied, "of course, there's a great difference between
+the two things, and I was stupid not to think of it before. Whatever she
+may be, it's plain you admire her, and that's enough." I was anxious to
+break the current of Mr. Perryman's thoughts, and recover the history of
+the Tall Hat, the thread of which had been so unexpectedly snapped.</p>
+
+<p>"Admire her!" cried the old man, who was evidently not to be put off.
+"And why shouldn't I? Who was it that dug Sam Perryman out of the mud
+when he was buried in it up to his neck&mdash;yes, and got half smothered
+with mud herself in doing it? But do you think she <i>cared</i>? Not she!
+Snapped her fingers in the face of half the county, that she did, and
+what's more she gave some of 'em a taste of the whip as they won't
+forget! Now listen, and I'll tell you something that'll make your hair
+curl."</p>
+
+<p>I swiftly resolved not to listen, for the farmer was beside himself with
+excitement and not responsible for what he was doing. I saw that I was
+about to discover what I was never intended to know. Dim recollections
+came to my mind of a grotesque but terrible story, known to not more
+than four living souls, the names and personalities in which had for
+good reasons been carefully concealed from me and from others. That
+Farmer Perryman was one actor in that tragedy, and that Mrs. Abel was
+another, had been already revealed past recalling. More than this it was
+unseemly that I should hear.</p>
+
+<p>The figure of the old man, as he stood before me then, is one of those
+images that cannot be effaced. His voice was broken, his lips were
+parted and quivering, his form rigid but unsteady, and the furrows on
+his brow ran into and crossed one another like the lines on a tragic
+mask. He was about to proceed, and I to protest against his doing so,
+when an incident occurred which relieved the tension and gave a new turn
+to the course of events.</p>
+
+<p>Mrs. Perryman, who had left the room when the farmer resumed the history
+of the Tall Hat, though not to go beyond the reach of hearing, now
+emerged from the shadows and said in a quiet voice, "Sam, stop talking a
+minute, and attend to business. Snarley Bob's at the back door, and
+wants to know if you're going to keep him waiting all night. He come for
+his wages at five o'clock, and it's struck six some time ago."</p>
+
+<p>"Give him a mug o' ale, and tell him to go home," said Sam.</p>
+
+<p>"I've given him two mugs already, and he says he must see you afore he
+goes."</p>
+
+<p>"Wait where you are," said Mr. Perryman to me, "and I'll be back in half
+a shake."</p>
+
+<p>The Perrymans withdrew together, leaving me alone. I listened to the
+voices in the next room and could distinguish those of the farmer and
+his wife, urgent but subdued. I could not hear the voice of Snarley Bob.
+Then I drew conclusions, and searched in the recesses of my memory for a
+forgotten clue. Gazing into the fire, I saw three separate strands of
+smoke roll themselves into a single column, and rush upwards into the
+darkness of the chimney. The thing acted as a stimulus to recollection,
+for it spoke of three human lives flowing onwards to the Unknown in a
+single stream of destiny: Mrs. Abel, Farmer Perryman, Snarley Bob&mdash;and
+further articulations would have followed had not the re-entry of the
+Perrymans disturbed the process and plunged it back beneath the
+threshold of consciousness. The farmer's wife sat down between us, in
+front of the fire.</p>
+
+<p>"I want to hear him finish the story of the Tall Hat," she said. "With
+me by he's less likely to put the frilling on."</p>
+
+<p>"Let's see&mdash;where was I?" said Perryman.</p>
+
+<p>"You'd come to the place where you met the parson and his lady in the
+churchyard," I said.</p>
+
+<p>"Ha, so I had," replied the farmer. "I can see her at this very minute
+just as she was. She looked&mdash;&mdash;"</p>
+
+<p>"Never mind what she <i>looked</i> like: tell us what she <i>said</i>,"
+interrupted Mrs. Perryman.</p>
+
+<p>"She says, 'Good-morning, Mr. Perryman. How much?'&mdash;looking 'ard at my
+'at all the time. I guessed she was up to some devilry, so I thought I
+would put her wrong a bit. 'A guinea, ma'am,' says I. She looks at my
+'at again and says, 'Mr. Perryman, you've been took in. Twelve-and-six
+would have been more than enough for that 'at.' 'Oh,' says I to myself,
+'you've been nosing round already, 'ave you?' I suppose I must have
+looked a bit foolish like&mdash;I'm sure I felt it,&mdash;but she didn't give me
+no time to speak. 'Wouldn't you like to have that guinea back in your
+pocket?' says she, putting a funny sound on the 'guinea.' 'Yes,' I says;
+'and, what's more, I mean to get it back.' 'Oh indeed,' says she, and a
+look come into her face as though she was putting two and two together.
+After a bit she says, 'Mr. Perryman, was that your trap that drove by
+about half-past seven last night?' 'Yes,' I says; and I might have known
+from that minute she was going to do a down on me.</p>
+
+<p>"However, I'd made up my mind how I was goin' to get that money back,
+and I wasn't goin' to change for nobody. You must understand there's a
+weekly offertory in our church. There was a lot of objection when Parson
+started it years ago. But, you see, he's always been a bit 'Igh." ("Much
+too High for me," here interposed Mrs. Perryman.) "Yes, I've warned him
+about it several times. 'Mr. Abel,' I says to him, 'you're 'Igh enough
+already. Now, you take my advice, and don't you get no 'Igher.' That was
+when he started the offertory.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, I'm the sort of man that when I gives, I gives. Ever since the
+offertory was begun my missis puts a two-shillin' piece into the
+waistcoat-pocket of my Sunday suit&mdash;don't you, Sally?" (Sally
+nodded)&mdash;"regular every Monday morning when she brushes my clothes, so
+there's no doubt about its being there when Sunday comes. That's for
+collection.</p>
+
+<p>"And now you can understand my plan. I'd made up to give one shillin'
+instead o' two, Sunday by Sunday, till I'd paid for my new box-hat.
+That's how I was goin' to get even with the Church.</p>
+
+<p>"I kep' it up regular for twelve weeks, counting 'em off one by one. I
+didn't bother about the sixpence. Meanwhile two or three other farmers,
+not wanting to be put in the shade by me&mdash;or more likely it was their
+missises&mdash;had begun to wear box-hats o' Sunday. There was Tom Henderson,
+who's no more fit to wear a box-hat than his bull is; and there was old
+Charley Shott&mdash;know him?&mdash;a man with a wonderful appetite for pig-meat
+is old Charley Shott. It would ha' made you die o' laughin' to see old
+Charley come shufflin' up the church just like this" (here the farmer
+executed an imitative <i>pas seul</i>), "sit down in his seat, and say his
+prayers into his box-hat same as I'm doing now." (He took Tall Hat the
+Second from the table, and poured&mdash;or rather puffed&mdash;an imaginary
+petition into its interior.)</p>
+
+<p>"Now, listen to what happened next. The very day after I'd put the last
+shillin' into the plate&mdash;that was three months, you must remember, after
+I'd bought the 'at&mdash;up comes a note from the cook at the Rectory, saying
+as the weekly order for butter was to be reduced from six pounds to
+five. 'I suppose it's because Master Norman's goin' to boarding school,'
+I says to the missis. 'Not it,' says she, 'one mouth more or less don't
+make no difference in a big household like that. Besides, they're not
+the people to cut it fine.' 'I wonder what it means,' I says. But I
+hadn't long to wait. About a fortnight later I met old Charley Shott and
+says to him, jokin' like, 'Well, Charley, how much did you pay for your
+Sunday box-hat?' 'Cost me nothing,' said Charley laughin'. 'I've run up
+a little bill against his Reverence for that 'at. And, what's more, I've
+made him pay it! By the way,' says he, 'what's become o' their appetites
+down at the Rectory? We've just received warnin' as no more poultry'll
+be wanted till further orders.' 'I don't know,' says I; but it was a
+lie, for it come over me in a flash what it all meant. Even then,
+however, I wasn't <i>quite</i> sure.</p>
+
+<p>"However, it was twenty-one weeks before I got the final clearing-up.
+Thirty-three weeks to the very day, reckoning from the Saturday which I
+bought the 'at, comes another message from the Rectory: 'Please send six
+pounds of butter as before.'</p>
+
+<p>"Next day I went to church as usual. No sooner did Mr. Abel give out his
+text than I saw it all, plain as daylight. The text was something about
+'robbery of God.' There was not a thing I've told you about the 'at that
+was not put into that sermon. Of course, it was roundabout&mdash;all about
+pearls and precious stones and such like; but it was my box-hat he was
+driving at all the time. It was Solomon mostly as he talked about; but I
+nearly jumped out of my seat when he made Solomon shake his fist at the
+'Oly Temple on Mount Zion and say almost the very words as I said as I
+drove by the church that Saturday night. First he went for me, and then
+he went for Charley Shott, and I can tell you that he twisted the tails
+of both on us to a pretty tune! Says I to myself, 'Don't I know who's
+put you up to preaching that sermon?' And more than seven months gone
+since it happened! Think of that for a memory! And she sitting in her
+pew with a face as smooth as a dish o' cream.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, I was churchwarden that year, and of course had to take the plate
+round. When I comes to the Rector's pew I see Mrs. Abel openin' a little
+purse. First she takes out a sovereign, and then a shilling, and says to
+me, quite clear, as she dropped 'em into the plate, 'All right, Mr.
+Church, I'll be even with you yet! And here's another two pounds
+fifteen. You can tell Charley Shott and Tom Henderson, and all the lot
+on 'em, as they've paid for their Sunday 'ats. And give 'em all my kind
+regards.' Then she counts the money out as deliberate as if she were
+payin' the cook's wages, and drops it into the plate wi' a clatter as
+could be heard all over the church. She must ha' kep' me waitin' full
+two minutes, all the congregation starin' and wonderin' what was up, and
+me lookin' like a silly calf.</p>
+
+<p>"When I come out of church my wife says to me, 'Sam, what's that you and
+Mrs. Abel was whispering about?' 'You mind your own business,' I says,
+and for the first time since we were married we was very near coming to
+words."</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="A_GRAVEDIGGER_SCENE" id="A_GRAVEDIGGER_SCENE"></a>A GRAVEDIGGER SCENE</h2>
+
+
+<p>It was Sunday evening, and the congregation had dispersed. I was
+making my way into the church to take a last look at a famous
+fourteenth-century tomb. Not a soul was visible; but the sound of a pick
+and the sight of fresh earth announced that the sexton was at work
+digging a grave. I walked to the spot. A bald head, the shining top of
+which was now level with the surface of the ground, raised the hope that
+he would prove to be a sexton of the old school. I was not disappointed.</p>
+
+<p>"Good evening," I said.</p>
+
+<p>"A good evening to you, sir," said the sexton, pausing in his work with
+the air of a man who welcomed an excuse to rest.</p>
+
+<p>"And whose grave is that you're digging?" I asked.</p>
+
+<p>"Old Sally Bloxham&mdash;mother to Tom Bloxham&mdash;him as keeps the 'Spotted
+Pig.' And a bad job for him as she's gone. If it hadn't been for old
+Sally he'd ha' drunk hisself to death long ago. And who may <i>you</i> be?"
+he asked, as though realising that this sudden burst of confidential
+information was somewhat rash.</p>
+
+<p>"Oh, I'm nobody in particular. Just passing through and taking a look
+around."</p>
+
+<p>"Ah! there's lots as comes lookin' round, nowadays. More than there used
+to be. Why, bless your life, I remember the time when you nivver seed a
+soul in this village except the home-dwellers. And now there's bicycles
+and motor cars almost every day. Most on 'em just pokes their noses
+round, and then off they goes. Some wants to see the tomb inside, and
+then there's a big stone over an old doorway at the back o' the church,
+what they calls ''Arrowing o' 'Ell,' though <i>I</i> don't know what it
+means. You've 'eard on it? Well, I suppose it's something wonderful; but
+<i>I</i> could nivver see no 'Arrow and no 'Ell."</p>
+
+<p>"I'll tell you what, sexton," I said, noticing some obviously human
+bones in the earth at his graveside, "this churchyard needs a bit of new
+ground."</p>
+
+<p>"Ye're right there," said he, "it's needed that a good many years. But
+we can't get no new ground. Old Bob Cromwell as owns the lands on that
+side won't sell, and Lord &mdash;&mdash; won't give, so wot are yer to do? Why, I
+do believe as there's hundreds and thousands of people buried in this
+little churchyard. It's a big parish, too, and they've been burying
+their dead here since nobody knows when. Bones? Why, in some parts
+there's almost as much bones as there is clay. Yer puts in one, and yer
+digs up two: that's about what it comes to. I sometimes says to my
+missis, 'I wonder who they'll dig up to make room for me.' 'Yes,' she
+says, 'and I wonder who you'll be dug up to make room for.' It's
+scandalous, that's what I says."</p>
+
+<p>"But does the law allow you to disturb these old graves?"</p>
+
+<p>"It does when they're old <i>enough</i>. But you can't be over particular in
+a place no bigger than this. Of course, we're a bit careful like. But
+ask no questions, and I'll tell yer no lies."</p>
+
+<p>"But this grave you're digging now; how long is it since the last
+interment was made in the same ground?"</p>
+
+<p>"Well, that's a pretty straight 'un. That's what I call coming to the
+point!&mdash;Thank 'ee, sir&mdash;and good luck to you and yours!&mdash;However, since
+you seem a plain-dealing gentleman I'll tell you summat as I wouldn't
+tell everybody. You poke your stick about in that soil over there, and
+you'll find some bits as belonged to Sam Wiggin's grandfather on his
+mother's side." (I poked my stick as directed.) "That's his tooth you've
+got now; but I won't swear to it, as things had got a bit mixed, no
+doubt, afore they put him in. Wait a bit, though. What's under that big
+lump at the end o' my spade?" (He reached out his spade and touched a
+clod; I turned it over and revealed the thing it hid: he examined it
+carefully.) "You see, you can generally tell after a bit o' practice
+what belongs to what. Putting two and two together&mdash;what with them bones
+coming up so regular, and that bit o' coffin furniture right on the top
+on 'em&mdash;I reckon we've struck 'im much as he was put down in '62."</p>
+
+<p>"Are none of his relatives living?" I asked.</p>
+
+<p>"Why, yes, of course they're living. Didn't I tell yer he was
+grandfather to Sam Wiggin&mdash;that's 'im as farms the Leasowes at t'other
+end of the village. What'll he say?&mdash;why, nothing o' course. Them as
+sees nothing, says nothing."</p>
+
+<p>"But," I said, "if Sam comes to church next Sunday he'll see his
+grandfather's bones sticking out all over this grave."</p>
+
+<p>"'Ow's 'e to know they're his grandfather's? There's no name on 'em,"
+said the sexton.</p>
+
+<p>"But surely he will remember that his grandfather was buried in this
+spot."</p>
+
+<p>"Not 'im! 'E don't bother 'is 'ead about grandfathers. Sam Wiggin!
+Doesn't know 'e ever had a grandfather. Somebody else might take it up?
+Not in this parish. Besides, we've all got used to it. Folks here is all
+mixed up wi' one another while they're living, so they don't mind
+gettin' a bit mixeder when they're dead."</p>
+
+<p>"But is the parson used to it along with the rest of you?"</p>
+
+<p>"Well, yer see, I allus clears up before he comes to bury&mdash;ribs and
+shins and big 'un's as won't break up. Skulls breaks up easy; you just
+catches them a snope with yer spade, and they splits up down the
+joinin'. Week afore last I dug up two beauties under that yew; anybody
+might a' kep' 'em for a museum. I've knowed them as would ha' done it,
+and sold 'em for eighteenpence apiece. But I couldn't bring my mind to
+it."</p>
+
+<p>"So you just broke them up, I suppose?"</p>
+
+<p>"No, I didn't. One on 'em belonged to a man as I once knowed; leastways
+I remember him as a young chap. He was underkeeper at the Hall. The
+young woman he wanted to marry wouldn't 'ave 'im, so he shot hisself wi'
+a rook gun. I knowed it was 'im by the 'ole in 'is 'ead, no bigger nor a
+pea. Just think o' that! No bigger nor a big pea, I tell yer, and as
+round as if it had been done wi' a punch. I told my missis about it when
+I went 'ome to my tea. I says, 'Do yer remember 'Arry Pole, the young
+keeper in the old lord's time, what shot hisself over that affair wi'
+Polly Towers?' 'Remember 'im?' she says. 'Why, I used to go out walking
+wi' 'im myself afore he took up wi' Polly.' 'I thought you did,' I says;
+'well, there's 'is skull. See that little 'ole in it, clean as if it had
+been cut wi' a punch? He never shot hisself, not 'e!' Why, bless yer
+heart, doesn't it stand to sense that if 'e'd done it 'isself, he'd
+a'most ha' blowed 'is 'ead off, leastways made a 'ole a lot bigger nor
+that? And wot's more, there'd ha' been a 'ole on the other side, and
+there wasn't any sign o' one."</p>
+
+<p>"But perhaps it wasn't 'Arry Pole's skull?"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, it was. Why, where's the sense of its not bein'? I remember his
+bein' buried as if it was yesterday, and I knowed the spot quite well.
+And do you think it likely that two men 'ud be put in the same grave
+both wi' rook bullets in their 'eads? If it wasn't 'Arry Pole, who was
+it?"</p>
+
+<p>"But wasn't all this gone into at the inquest?"</p>
+
+<p>"Well, you see, it's over forty years since it 'appened; but I can
+remember as the 'ole were looked into, and there was a good deal o' talk
+at the time. There was two men as said they seed him wi' the gun in his
+hand, and a mournful look on his face, like. And so, what wi' one thing
+and another, when they couldn't find who else had killed him, they give
+the verdict as he must ha' killed hisself. So, you see, they made it out
+some'ow. But you'll never make me believe 'e did it 'isself&mdash;not after
+I've seen that 'ole."</p>
+
+<p>"I wonder who shot him," I said meditatively.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes, and you'll 'ave to go on wondering till the Judgment Day. You'll
+find out then. All I can tell yer is that it wasn't me, and it wasn't
+Polly Towers. However, when I found his skull I didn't break it as I do
+wi' most on 'em. I just kep' it in a bag and put it back when I filled
+in the grave.</p>
+
+<p>"But you were askin' me about Parson. Well, I telled him the state o'
+the churchyard when he come to the living. At first he took it pretty
+easy. 'Hide 'em as far as you can, Johnny,' he says to me. 'And remember
+there's this great consolation&mdash;they'll all be sorted out on the
+Judgment Day.'</p>
+
+<p>"But one day something 'appened as give Parson a pretty start. It was
+one of these chaps in motors, I reckon, as did it. I see him one
+Saturday night rootin' about the churchyard and lookin' behind them
+laurels where I used to pitch all the bits and bobs of bone as I see
+lying about. I've often wished I'd took the number on his motor, and
+then we'd ha' catched him fine! But he was a gentlemanly-looking young
+feller, and I didn't suspect nothing at the time.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, next morning, when Parson comes to read the Service, what do you
+think he found? Why, there was a man's thigh-bone, large as life, stuck
+in the middle of the big Prayer-Book at the Psalms for the day. Then,
+when he opens the Bible to read the lessons, blessed if there wasn't a
+coffin-plate, worn as thin as a sheet of paper, marking the place, Then
+he goes into the pulpit, and the first thing he sees was a jawbone full
+of teeth lyin' on the cushion; there was ribs in the book-rack; there
+was a tooth in his glass of water; there was bones everywhere&mdash;you never
+see such a sight in all yer life! The young man must ha' taken a
+basketful into the church. Some he put into the pews, some into the
+collectin' boxes, some under the cushions&mdash;you never knew where you were
+going to find 'em next!"</p>
+
+<p>"That was a blackguardly thing to do," I said. "The man who did it
+deserves the cat."</p>
+
+<p>"So he does," said Johnny. "But I can tell yer, it's made us more
+partikler ever since. Everything behind them laurel bushes was cleared
+out and buried next day, and, my eye, you wouldn't believe what a lot
+there was! Barrer-loads!</p>
+
+<p>"I'm told that when Lord &mdash;&mdash;, up at the Hall, heard on it, he nearly
+killed hisself wi' laughin'. There's some folks"&mdash;here Johnny lowered
+his voice&mdash;"there's some folks <i>as thinks that his lordship 'ad a 'and
+in it hisself</i>. Some says it was one of them wild chaps as 'e's allus
+got staying with him. That's more likely, in my opinion. But it wouldn't
+surprise me, just between you and me, to hear some day that his lordship
+was going to give us a bit o' new ground."</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="HOW_I_TRIED_TO_ACT_THE_GOOD_SAMARITAN" id="HOW_I_TRIED_TO_ACT_THE_GOOD_SAMARITAN"></a>HOW I TRIED TO ACT THE GOOD SAMARITAN</h2>
+
+
+<p>One of the chief actors in the incident about to be related was a
+machine, and it is important that the reader should have this machine in
+his mind's eye. It was a motor-bicycle, furnished in the midst with a
+sputtering little engine, said to contain in its entrails the power of
+three horses and a half. To the side thereof was attached a small
+vehicle like a bath-chair, in which favoured friends of the writer are
+from time to time either permitted or invited to ride.</p>
+
+<p>On this occasion the bath-chair was empty, and a long journey was
+drawing to a close. It is true that at various periods of the day I had
+enjoyed the company of a passenger in this humble but lively little
+carriage. The first had been a clergyman, who, I believe, had invented a
+distant engagement for the sole purpose of inducing me to give him a
+ride in my car. To him there had succeeded a series of small boys,
+picked up in various villages, each of whom, at the conclusion of a
+brief but mad career through space, was duly dismissed with a penny and
+a strict injunction to be a good lad to his mother. The last lift had
+been given to an aged wayfarer whose weary and travel-stained appearance
+had excited my compassion. No sooner, however, was the machine under
+weigh than I discovered, in spite of my will to believe otherwise, that
+my passenger was suffering not from fatigue, but from intoxication. To
+get rid of him was no easy matter, and the employment of stratagem
+became necessary. What the stratagem was, I shall pass over; I will only
+say that it was not in accordance with any <i>recognised</i> form of the
+categorical imperative. However, the ruse succeeded, and now, as I have
+said, the car was empty. Thus were concluded the prolegomena to that
+great act of altruism which was to crown the day.</p>
+
+<p>It was in a part of the country consecrated by the genius of a great
+novelist (as what part of England is not?) that these things took place.
+I found myself in the narrow streets of an ancient town&mdash;and it was
+market-day. The roadway was thronged with red-faced men and women; and
+flocks of sheep, herds of cattle and pigs, provided the motor-cyclist
+with a severe probation to the nerves. With much risk to myself, and not
+a little to other people, I emerged from this place of danger and
+joyfully swept over the bridge into the broad highway beyond the town.</p>
+
+<p>Turning a corner, I became suddenly aware that the road a hundred yards
+ahead was again blocked. Two carriers' carts, a brewer's waggon, and
+some other miscellaneous vehicles were drawn up anyhow in the road, and
+the drivers of these, having descended from their various perches, were
+gathered around a figure lying prostrate on the ground. I, too, alighted
+and forced my way into the group. In the midst was an old man, his
+countenance pallid as death, save where a broad stream of blood pouring
+from a gash two inches long, crimsoned his cheek from eye to chin. There
+was a great bruise on his temple, and again on the back of his head&mdash;for
+he had spun round in falling&mdash;was a lump the size of a pullet's first
+egg.</p>
+
+<p>"'Oss ran away and pitched him on the curb," said one whom I questioned.
+"He's dying," said another, "if not already dead." For myself, I turned
+sick at the sight; nevertheless, I could not help being struck by the
+vigorous actions and attitude of an old woman, who, armed with a bucket
+of water and a roller towel, seemed to be not merely bathing his wounds,
+but giving the whole man a bath. I also noted the figure of a clergyman,
+of whom all that I distinctly recall is that he had a tassel round his
+hat.</p>
+
+<p>"We must take him to the hospital," said I. "No," said an elderly man;
+"he'll be dead before you get him there. He's nearly gone already.
+Better fetch a doctor."</p>
+
+<p>"Has anybody got a bicycle?" said the clergyman in the slightly
+imperious accents of Keble College. "Yes," I replied, "I've got one, and
+just the sort of bicycle for this business, too." "You'd better fetch
+Ross," said the same voice, speaking once more in the tones which
+indicate conscious possession of the Last Word on Everything Whatsoever.
+"No," said the old woman, with enough defiance in her manner to frighten
+a Pope, "No, Ross's no good. Fetch Conklin." "All right," I said; "if
+one of you will show me where Conklin lives, I'll fetch him in a brace
+of shakes."</p>
+
+<p>Instantly the whole company, saving only the parson and the old woman,
+volunteered. Selecting one who seemed of lighter weight than the rest
+(he was a boy), I jumped up, called to my three horses, yoked up the
+half-horse (kept in reserve for great occasions), and, letting all loose
+at once, drove at top speed in the direction of Conklin's abode.</p>
+
+<p>Then was seen in the streets of that old town such a scurrying and
+scattering, both of men and beast, as the world has not beheld since the
+most desperate moments of John Gilpin's ride. Back over the bridge,
+where Cavaliers and Roundheads once stood at push of pike for fifty
+minutes by "the towne clocke"; through the market-place, where the
+cheap-jack ceased lying that he might regard us; past the policeman at
+the Cross (slower at this point); up the steep gradient of the High
+Street; right through a flock of geese (illustrious bird! who not only
+warnest great cities of impending ruin, but keepest thyself out of
+harm's way better than any four-footed beast of the field), we drove our
+headlong course; and, in less time than this paragraph has taken to
+write I stood on the doorstep, of the doctor's house. In another minute
+I had seen him and told my tale.</p>
+
+<p>The doctor received my gushings with perfect impassivity, and responded
+with the merest apology for a grunt. But the repeated allusion to
+flowing blood seemed at last to rouse him. He seized a black bag that
+stood on the table, thrust in the necessary tackle, and said, "Come
+along."</p>
+
+<p>In the race back to the Field of Blood, I had no leisure to analyse the
+structure of Conklin's mind. But a few remarks which he shouted in my
+ear revealed the fact that his interests were by no means confined to
+the performance of professional duty. I could not help wondering what
+Ross was like. If any reader should be taken suddenly ill while staying
+in that town, my advice, formed mainly on negative data, would be to
+send for Ross during the acute stage of the malady, and to try Conklin's
+treatment in convalescence. Or, better still, call them both in at once,
+and then take your choice.</p>
+
+<p>These mental observations were scarcely completed when a turn in the
+road brought us in sight of our goal. Will the reader believe me when I
+tell him that the goal seemed to have vanished? I could scarcely believe
+it myself. Not a soul was to be seen. Stare as I would, no human form,
+living or dead, prostrate or upright, wounded or whole, answered to my
+gaze. Men, horses, and carts&mdash;all were gone! The whole insubstantial
+pageant had faded, leaving not a wrack behind.</p>
+
+<p>"This is the place," I said to Conklin; "but the man has disappeared."
+For answer, he looked fixedly into the pupil of my left eye, expecting,
+no doubt, to find there unmistakable signs of lunacy. "Wait a bit," I
+cried, divining his thoughts; "here's somebody who will clear it up."
+And I pointed to a cottage-door at which I suddenly espied the old woman
+whose handling of the roller-towel had so impressed me. "Where," I
+shouted, addressing her, "where is the wounded man?" "Took away," was
+the laconic reply. "Took away!" I said; "and who has had the impudence
+to take him away?"</p>
+
+<p>"Why," said the old woman, "you hadn't been gone more'n two minutes when
+his niece&mdash;her as keeps his house&mdash;comes driving home in a big cart.
+'Hello!' she says, 'blest if that isn't Uncle Fred!' 'Yes,' says one of
+'em, 'and got it pretty badly this time, I can tell yer. There's a
+gentleman just gone to fetch Conklin.' 'Conklin?' says she. 'I'll
+Conklin 'im! Who do you think's going to pay 'im? Not <i>me</i>! Let 'im as
+fetches 'im pay 'im. 'Ere,' she says, 'some of yer help to put this old
+man on the bottom of my cart, and look sharp, or Conklin'll be here in a
+minute.' So they shoves the poor old thing on to the floor of the cart
+with a sack of 'taters to keep him steady, and Eliza&mdash;that's her
+name&mdash;'its the 'oss with a long stick as she carried instead of a whip,
+sets off at full gallop, and was out of sight almost before you could
+say so. Somebody else took the old man's pony, and the rest of 'em all
+made off as fast as they could."</p>
+
+<p>"And what did that clergyman do?" I asked.</p>
+
+<p>"Jumped on his bicycle and went 'ome to his tea," said the old woman.</p>
+
+<p>"The sneak!" I cried.</p>
+
+<p>"You couldn't ha' used a better word," said the old woman, "and there's
+plenty of people in this parish who'd be glad to hear you say it. And
+the worst of it is, there's plenty more like him!" This last was shouted
+with great emphasis, perhaps with a view to Conklin's edification, but
+at all events with the air of a person who could produce supporting
+evidence were such to be demanded.</p>
+
+<p>There was a pause, and I endeavoured to collect my thoughts. "Doctor," I
+said, making a desperate attempt to get as near the Good Samaritan as
+these untoward developments rendered possible, "Doctor, what's your
+fee?"</p>
+
+<p>"The expression on your face is the best fee I've had for a long time,"
+said the doctor; "I'm sorry I didn't bring my kodak."</p>
+
+<p>"Doctor Conklin," I resumed, "I'll tell you one thing. You and this old
+lady are the only members of the company who carry away an untarnished
+reputation from this episode. As for me, I have been made a perfect fool
+of. As for the rest of them,"&mdash;I waited for words to come, and, finally
+lapsing into melodrama, said&mdash;"as for the rest of them, I leave them to
+the company of their own consciences."</p>
+
+<p>"There's one of 'em as hasn't got any," said the old woman.</p>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="MACBETH_AND_BANQUO_ON_THE_BLASTED_HEATH" id="MACBETH_AND_BANQUO_ON_THE_BLASTED_HEATH"></a>"MACBETH" AND "BANQUO" ON THE BLASTED HEATH</h2>
+
+
+<p>The scene was the top of a lofty hill in Northamptonshire, crossed by
+the high road to London. The time, late afternoon of a dark and
+thunderous day in July.</p>
+
+<p>I had journeyed many miles that day&mdash;on wheels, according to the fashion
+of this age&mdash;and had passed and overtaken hundreds, literally hundreds,
+of tramps. With some of these I had already conversed as we sheltered
+from recurrent storms under hedges or wayside trees; and I had
+committed, with a joyful conscience, all the vices of indiscriminate
+charity.</p>
+
+<p>But now the rain came on in earnest. Blacker and blacker grew the skies,
+and, just as I reached the top of this shelterless hill, the windows of
+heaven were opened, and the flood burst.</p>
+
+<p>No house was in sight. But, looking round me, in that spirit of despair
+bred of black weather and a wet skin, I saw, in a large bare field, a
+shepherd's box&mdash;a thing on wheels, large enough, perhaps, to accommodate
+a prosperous vendor of ice-cream. Abandoning my iron friend to the cold
+mercies of the ditch, I scaled the wall, crossed the field, and dived
+into the dry interior of the box. At one bound I entered into full
+possession of the freedom of Diogenes in his tub, with no Alexander to
+bother me. The absolute seclusion of the country was all my own.</p>
+
+<p>The box was closed by a half-door, with an aperture above facing towards
+the road. Had the animal inside possessed four legs instead of two, his
+body would have filled the box, and his head would have projected into
+the rain. Though my head was inside, I could see well enough what was
+going on in the road. Presently there passed two cyclists&mdash;a young man
+and woman&mdash;racing through the storm. I shouted to them, but my voice was
+drowned in the din. Some minutes elapsed, during which I had the company
+of my thoughts. Then suddenly there appeared on the wall the incarnate
+figures of two tramps, unquestionably such. They had seen the box, and
+were making tracks for it with all their might.</p>
+
+<p>I confess that for a moment my spirit quailed within me. Seen at that
+distance, the newcomers looked ugly customers; they had me in a trap,
+and, had I possessed pistols, I verily believe that I should have
+"looked to the priming." But, having no alternatives of that kind before
+me, necessity determined the policy I was to pursue, and I resolved at
+once for a friendly attitude. Waiting till the tramps were well within
+hearing, I thrust my head from the aforesaid aperture and cried aloud as
+follows:</p>
+
+<p>"Walk up, gentlemen! It's my annual free day. No charge for seats."</p>
+
+<p>Macbeth and Banquo were not more affrighted by the apparition of witches
+on the blasted heath than were these two individuals when they heard the
+voice from the box, and saw the face of him that spake. They stopped
+dead, stared, and, though I won't give this on oath, turned pale. I
+believe they were genuinely scared.</p>
+
+<p>Presently one of them&mdash;say Macbeth&mdash;broke into a loud and merry laugh.
+The sound of it was worth more to me at that moment than a sheaf of
+testimonials, for I remembered Carlyle's dictum that there is nothing
+irremediably wrong with any man who can utter a hearty laugh.</p>
+
+<p>"All right, guvnor," came the reply, "we'll take two stalls in the front
+row."</p>
+
+<p>"Good!" I replied. "Wire just received from the Prince and Princess of
+Wales resigning their seats! Bring your own opera-glasses, and don't
+forget the fans."</p>
+
+<p>"Got 'em both," said Macbeth.</p>
+
+<p>A moment later I found myself in close physical proximity to two of the
+dirtiest rascals in Christendom. A reconciler of opposites, bent on
+knocking our heads together, would have had an easy task, for there was
+not more than eight inches between them. Misfortunes are said to bring
+out the fragrance of noble natures, and I can testify that the wetting
+these men had received most effectually brought out the fragrance of
+theirs. And the ventilation was none too good.</p>
+
+<p>The language in which the newcomers proceeded to introduce themselves
+was not of the kind usually printed, though it had a distinctly
+theological tinge. More strenuous blasphemy I have never heard on
+land&mdash;or sea.</p>
+
+<p>The introductions concluded&mdash;they were sufficient&mdash;Macbeth, as though
+suddenly recollecting an interrupted train of thought, broke out: "Say,
+mister, did yer see them two go by on bicycles just now?"</p>
+
+<p>"Yes."</p>
+
+<p>"Well, I see 'em, quarter of a mile oop the road, crouching oonder
+t'hedge"&mdash;he spoke Yorkshire<a name="FNanchor_4_4" id="FNanchor_4_4"></a><a href="#Footnote_4_4" class="fnanchor">[4]</a>&mdash;"wet to skin, and she nowt on but a
+cotton blouse. So I sez to her, 'My dear, ye'll get yer death o' cold,'
+'Yes,' she says, 'and me with a weak chest.' Pore young thing, I'm fair
+sorry for her. I towd t'young man to tek his co-at off and put it
+ra-ownd her. 'That'll do no good,' he sez; 'she's wet through a'ready.'
+'Well,' I sez, 'she's not been wet through all her life, has she? Why
+didn't you put it on her while she were dry? Sense? You've got no more
+sense nor a blind rabbit.' But it was no good. My! What rain! Nivver see
+nothing like it. They'll be fair drownded. I think I'll go and fetch 'em
+in. Holy potatoes!" (Will anyone explain this expression? It was evoked
+by a crash of thunder which burst immediately above the box and seemed
+to hurl us into space.)</p>
+
+<p>"No good fetching 'em in now," I replied, taking a point of view which I
+afterwards saw to have been that of the Priest and the Levite. "They'd
+suffer more damage getting here than staying where they are. Besides,
+where would you put 'em?"</p>
+
+<p>"That's trew," said Macbeth. "This ain't no place for ladies, anyhow."
+(It wasn't!) "But just think of that pore young thing&mdash;nowt on, I tell
+yer, but a cotton blouse. Hello! there's a cart coming. I'll tell t'man
+to tek 'em oop."</p>
+
+<p>Out jumped Macbeth into the pelting rain, and presently I heard him
+shouting to the man in charge: "Hey, mister! There's a young man and
+woman crouching under t'hedge oop t'ro-ad. She nowt on but a cotton
+blouse! It isn't sa-afe, yer know, in this thoonder and lightnin'. Tek
+her oop, and put a sack or two on her."</p>
+
+<p>I gathered the result of the interview was satisfactory to Macbeth, for
+presently he came back, steaming, into the box. For some minutes he
+continued to mutter with the thunder, about "poor young things," "cotton
+blouses," and "weak chests."</p>
+
+<p>But the altruistic passion in the man had spent itself for the moment,
+and now the conversation began to take other forms. Banquo began to
+enter into the dialogue. His contributions so far had been mainly
+interjectory and blasphemous&mdash;a department of which he was obviously a
+more versatile exponent than the other, who was by no means a 'prentice
+hand. And here I must note a curious thing. Whether it was that the box
+afforded no proper theatre for exhibiting the natural dignity of my
+carriage, or that the light was not good, or that I am a ruffian at
+heart and had been caught at an unguarded moment&mdash;whatever the true
+cause may have been, I am certain that up to this moment my two
+companions had no suspicion that I was not a tramp like themselves.</p>
+
+<p>It was Banquo who unmasked the truth. His mind was less preoccupied with
+the sufferings of the "poor young thing," and no doubt had been taking
+observations. The result of these he proceeded to communicate to Macbeth
+by a series of nudges and winks which, in the close proximity of the
+moment, I felt rather than saw. On the whole, I am sorry that their
+first delusion&mdash;if, indeed, it was a delusion, of which I am genuinely
+doubtful&mdash;was not maintained. However, the discovery opened the way to
+fresh developments. They ceased to address me as "Johnny," "Old Joker,"
+or something worse; ceased swearing, for which, lover of originality as
+I am, I was thankful; and began generally to pay me the respect due to
+the fact that the soles of my boots were intact. Theirs were in a very
+different condition.</p>
+
+<p>I can't disguise that there was something like an awkward pause. But I
+exerted myself to bridge the chasm, and, thanks to them rather than to
+me, it was bridged.</p>
+
+<p>"Where are you going to-night?" I asked as soon as the <i>modus vivendi</i>
+was assured.</p>
+
+<p>"Ain't going nowhere in particular," said Banquo. "We just go anywhere."</p>
+
+<p>"What!" I said, "don't you know where you'll pass the night?"</p>
+
+<p>"Well, it's just this way," returned the other. "Me and my mate here are
+musicians, and we just go this way and that according to where the
+publics are. It's in the publics we makes what living we gets&mdash;singing
+in the bars and cadging for drink and coppers."</p>
+
+<p>"And a bloomin' shame we should have to do it!" chimed in Macbeth. "But
+what can yer do? My trade's a mason; Leeds is where I come from; but
+when they're short of work, if you've got <i>two</i> grey hairs and another
+chap's got only <i>one</i>, you gets the sack, and has to live as best yer
+can.</p>
+
+<p>"God knows I don't want this beastly life. But it's a good thing I've
+got it to turn to. Most on 'em has nowt but their trades, and them's the
+ones as has to starve. But me and my mate here happens to be moosical.
+Used to sing in St. &mdash;&mdash; Church in Leeds. Leading bass, I was&mdash;a bit
+irregular, I'll own, and that's why they wouldn't keep me on. My mate
+plays the cornet. He used to be in the band of the &mdash;&mdash; Fusiliers.
+Served in South Africa, he did, and got a sock in the face from a shell;
+yer can see the 'ole under his eye. Good thing it didn't 'it him in the
+ma-outh, or he wouldn't ha' been able to play the cornet any more. Know
+Yorkshire, mister?"</p>
+
+<p>I replied that I did.</p>
+
+<p>"Well, if yer knows Yorkshire, yer knows there's plenty of music up
+there. They can tell music, when they hear it, in Yorkshire, <i>that</i> they
+can! But these caownties down here, why, the people knows no more about
+music nor pigs. They can't tell the difference between a man what really
+<i>can</i> sing and one of these 'ere 'owlin' 'umbugs that goes draggin'
+little children up and daown t' streets. That sort makes more money than
+we does. And I tell you, him 'ere"&mdash;indicating Banquo&mdash;"is a good cornet
+player. 'Ere, Banquo, fetch it out o' your pocket, lad, and play the
+gentleman a toon."</p>
+
+<p>As far as I could judge, Banquo's pocket was situated somewhere in the
+middle of his back, for it was from a region in that quarter, where I
+had already felt a hard excrescence, due as I might have thought to an
+unextracted cannon-ball received in South Africa, that the cornet was
+produced.</p>
+
+<p>"Play the gentleman 'The Merry Widder,'" said Macbeth, "and wait till
+the thunder's stopped rolling before you begin."</p>
+
+<p>The "Merry Widder" was well and duly played, and fully bore out
+Macbeth's eulogy of the player. It was followed by something from
+<i>Maritana</i>, and other things which I forget. Though the mouth of the
+trumpet was only a few inches from the drum of my ear, yet the din of
+the rain on the roof was such that the effect was not unpleasant&mdash;at all
+events, it was a welcome relief from the frightful strains on the
+olfactory organ. The man, I say, was a good player, and I remember
+wishing, as I listened to him, that there was anything in life that I
+could do half as well.</p>
+
+<p>As he finished one of his selections, the gloom deepened, it became
+almost as dark as night, the rain ceased for a moment, and there was
+silence; and then there shot in upon us a blast of fire and a bolt of
+thunder, so near and so overwhelming that I verily believe it was a
+narrow escape from death.</p>
+
+<p>"That's something to put the fear of God into a man," said Macbeth, as
+the volley rolled into distance. "My crikey! But I've heard say, mister,
+that the thunder is the voice of the wrath of God."</p>
+
+<p>"I'm sure it is," I replied.</p>
+
+<p>"Sounds like it anyhow. I wonder if that there chap with the cart has
+got the young woman under cover. She'll be scared out of her life. Eh,
+but isn't it dark? It might be half-past ten. Here, matey"&mdash;to
+Banquo&mdash;"let's have something in keepin' loike. Give us 'Lead, Kindly
+Light,' lad, on t' cornet, and I'll sing the bass. I want t' gentleman
+to hear my voice."</p>
+
+<p>The hymn was sung in a voice as good as some that have made great
+fortunes, but with a depth of emotion which occasionally spoilt the
+notes; and I can say little more than that the singing, in that strange
+setting, with muttering thunder for an undertone, was a thing I shall
+not forget.</p>
+
+<p>"Do you know anything about that hymn?" said Macbeth (the tears made
+watercourses down his dirty face) when it was over.</p>
+
+<p>"Yes," I said, "a little."</p>
+
+<p>"But I know <i>all</i> about it," replied Macbeth. "Him as wrote that hymn
+was Cardinal Newman. They say he wrote it at sea, maybe he wrote it in a
+storm&mdash;like this. He was a Protestant, and was just turning into a
+Catholic. Didn't know whether he would or whether he wouldn't, loike.
+That's what he means when he says, 'Lead, Kindly Light.' He was i' th'
+dark, and wanted lightin'. It was <i>all</i> dark, don't you see, just loike
+it is naow."</p>
+
+<p>Some minutes elapsed, during which neither Banquo nor I said a word. I
+stole a glance at the "'ole under his eye," and saw that it was no
+laughing matter to "get a sock in the face from a shell." The human
+profile, on that side, had virtually disappeared; jaw and cheek-bone
+were smashed in; there was neither nostril nor ear; the lower eyelid was
+missing; the eye itself was evidently sightless, and a constant trickle
+of tears ran down into the hideous scar below.</p>
+
+<p>I thought of this man wandering over the earth, abhorred of all
+beholders; I thought of the music he managed to make with the remnant of
+his mutilated face; I thought also of the rigour of Destiny and the
+kindliness of Death. I remember the words running in my head, "He hath
+no form nor comeliness. Yet he was wounded for our transgressions, and
+the chastisement of our peace was upon him."</p>
+
+<p>I averted my glance, but not before Banquo had discovered that I was
+looking at him. "Ha," he said; "you're lookin' at my face. It's a
+beauty, isn't it? They ought to put it on the board outside the
+recruitin' stations, as a sort of inducement to good-lookin' young men.
+Help to make the Army popular wi' the young women, don't you see?
+'George, why don't you join the Army and get a face like that? You'd be
+worth lookin' at then.' Can't you hear 'em saying it? Oh, yes, I'm proud
+o' my face, <i>that</i> I am! So's my old gal. That's why she left me and the
+kids the day I come home&mdash;never seen her since. Every time I draws my
+pension I says to myself, 'Bill, my lad, that face o' yours is cheap at
+the price. Keep up your pecker, my hearty; you'll make yer fortune when
+Mr. Barnum sees yer! It's a bloomin' good investment, that's what I
+calls it. Give yer a sort o' start in life. Makes folks glad to see yer
+when you drops in to tea. And then I'm always feelin' as though I wanted
+to have my photograph taken&mdash;and that's nice, too. So you see takin' it
+all round, it's quite a blessin' to have a face like mine."</p>
+
+<p>I was silent, not knowing what to say. Banquo went on:</p>
+
+<p>"I thought when I come out o' the 'orspital as it were all up wi'
+playin' the cornet. But I made up my mind as I'd try. So I kep' up
+practice all the way home from the Cape, and when we got to Southampton
+I could just manage to blow into the mouthpiece. It hurt a bit, too, I
+can tell you. You see, I can only play on one side o' my mouth&mdash;like
+this. But I got used to it after a time; and now I can play a'most as
+well wi' half a mouth as I used to do wi' a whole un."</p>
+
+<p>Again I was silent, for there was a tangle of thoughts in my mind, and
+behind it all a vague, uncomfortable sense that I was come to judgment.
+From this sprang a sudden resolve to change the subject, which was
+unpleasant to me in more senses than one. So I said, after the pause,
+"What about your pension?"</p>
+
+<p>"Pension, did you say? Well, you see, sir, I've been in a bit o' trouble
+since I come home. There was a kind old gent as give me three months in
+the choke-hole for not behavin' quite as handsome as I ought to. 'It'll
+spile all my good looks, your Worship,' I says when he sentenced me.
+'Remove the prisoner, officer!' he says; and I thinks to myself, 'I'd
+like to remove <i>you</i>, old gentleman, and see what you'd look like on a
+hammynition waggon, wi' two dead pals under your nose, and a pom-pom
+shell a-burstin' in your ear-'ole.' But I've had one good friend,
+anyhow; and I don't want a better&mdash;and that's him there" (indicating
+Macbeth). "He's a <i>man</i>, he is! I can tell you one thing!&mdash;if it hadn't
+been for him there, I'd ha' sent the other half o' my head to look for
+the first long ago&mdash;and that's the truth!"</p>
+
+<p>While this conversation was proceeding Macbeth, <i>more suo</i>, continued to
+mutter like a man in a troubled dream, now humming a bar of the tune,
+now drawling out a phrase from the words, "O'er moor and fen, o'er crag
+and torrent, till the night is gone"&mdash;this, I believe, he repeated
+several times, lighting his pipe in the intervals and spitting out of
+the door. Then he went on more articulately: "Rum go, ain't it&mdash;me
+singing that hymn in a place like this? Sung it in church 'undreds o'
+times. We give it sometimes in the streets. It's part of our
+<i>répertoire</i>" (he pronounced this word quite correctly). "But I can't
+help makin' a babby o' mysen whenever I think o' what it means. I don't
+think of it, as a rewle. I should break down if I did; like as I nearly
+did just naow. Oh Lor'! I can get on all right till I comes to th' end.
+It's them 'angel faces' wot knocks the stuffing out o' <i>me</i>!"</p>
+
+<p>"Same 'ere," I replied; and I put my head out of the aperture for a
+breath of fresh air.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+
+<div class="poem"><div class="stanza">
+<span class="i0">"When shall we three meet again<br /></span>
+<span class="i0">In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"<br /></span>
+</div></div>
+
+<h3>END</h3>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_1_1" id="Footnote_1_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_1_1"><span class="label">[1]</span></a> See <i>post</i>, "The Death of Snarley Bob."</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_2_2" id="Footnote_2_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_2_2"><span class="label">[2]</span></a> I suggested to Mrs. Abel that this word wouldn't do, and
+proposed "Snarleyology" instead. She declined the improvement at once,
+remarking that 'the soul of the word was in the <i>ch</i>.'</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_3_3" id="Footnote_3_3"></a><a href="#FNanchor_3_3"><span class="label">[3]</span></a> The name of the greatest of the Perryman rams&mdash;a brute
+"with more decorations than a Field-marshal."</p></div>
+
+<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_4_4" id="Footnote_4_4"></a><a href="#FNanchor_4_4"><span class="label">[4]</span></a> The reader who would get the full flavour of Macbeth's
+conversation should translate it, if he can, into a broad Yorkshire
+dialect. This I have indicated here and there by the spelling of a word,
+which is as far as, or perhaps farther than, my own competence extends.</p></div>
+
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<h2><a name="OTHER_BOOKS_TO_READ" id="OTHER_BOOKS_TO_READ"></a>OTHER BOOKS TO READ</h2>
+
+
+<h3>VIOLA BURHANS'S THE CAVE-WOMAN</h3>
+
+
+<p>A novel of to-day that commences in a cave so dark that the hero can see
+nothing of the woman he meets there. It ends in the same cave, and much
+of the action occurs in and near a neighboring summer hotel. Robbery and
+mystery, as well as love, figure in the plot.</p>
+
+<blockquote><p>"An excellent detective.... The action moves quickly.... Many
+sidelights fall upon newspaperdom, and the author tells her story
+cleverly."&mdash;<i>Boston Herald.</i></p>
+
+<p>"The most delightful of grown-up fairy-tales of modern times....
+The characters ... are finely various and their conversations
+piquantly fresh and edifying ... a dramatic climax of great
+strength and beauty ... clean, clever, captivating."&mdash;<i>The Boston
+Common.</i></p>
+
+<p>"A very charming, very elusive and quite modern young lady ... a
+very delightful story."&mdash;<i>Bellman.</i></p></blockquote>
+
+
+<h3>M. LITTLE'S AT THE SIGN OF THE BURNING BUSH</h3>
+
+<p>A novel of such universal human appeal that locality makes little
+difference. It starts as a satire on Scotch divinity students, tho there
+is said to be "not a word of preaching in it".</p>
+
+<blockquote><p>"Characters drawn with a sure hand, and with unusual subtlety. The
+story broadens and strikes deep roots into human nature and human
+life ... a story that seems as if it might have been made out of
+the real experiences of flesh and blood, told with humor that is
+sometimes biting and sometimes gentle, and with very great
+humanness."&mdash;<i>The New York Times Review.</i></p></blockquote>
+
+
+<h3>GERTRUDE HALL'S THE UNKNOWN QUANTITY</h3>
+
+<p>A young widow comes to New York to investigate various business
+interests of her late husband, and finds herself face to face at the
+outset with the two most vital problems of a woman's life.</p>
+
+<blockquote><p>"Her people are alive. They linger in the imagination."&mdash;<i>Boston
+Transcript.</i></p>
+
+<p>"Seeing life with sincerity and truth ... she has a rather big idea
+for a working basis."&mdash;<i>The Bookman.</i></p>
+
+<p>"Retains the charmed interest ... the quiet, thoughtful style, and
+the vivid, if restrained, humanity. The tale is so natural, so
+lifelike.... The author's evident faith in the eternal rightness of
+things."&mdash;<i>Chicago Record-Herald.</i></p></blockquote>
+
+
+<h3>GEORGE GARY EGGLESTON'S RECOLLECTIONS OF A VARIED LIFE</h3>
+
+<p>By the author of "A Rebel's Recollections," "Captain Sam," "A Daughter
+of the South," "Long Knives," etc. With portrait.</p>
+
+<p>These reminiscences of the veteran author and editor are rich in fields
+so wide apart as the experiences of a Hoosier schoolmaster (the basis
+for the well-known story), a young man's life in Virginia before the
+War, a Confederate soldier, a veteran in the literary life of New York.</p>
+
+<p>"Jeb Stuart," "Fitz Lee," Beauregard, Grant, Frank R. Stockton, John
+Hay, Stedman, Bryant, Parke Godwin, "Mark Twain," Gosse, Pulitzer,
+Laffan, and Schurz, are among the many who appear.</p>
+
+<p>The author was born at Vevay, Indiana, 1839, practiced law in Virginia;
+served in the Confederate Army, was Literary Editor of the <i>New York
+Evening Post</i> for 6 years, Editor of the <i>Commercial Advertiser</i> (now
+the <i>Globe</i>); and for 11 years Editorial writer for <i>The World</i>.</p>
+
+<blockquote><p>"There are few American men of letters whose reminiscences would
+seem to promise more. The man's experiences cover so wide a period;
+he has had such exceptional opportunities of seeing interesting men
+and events at first hand."&mdash;<i>Bookman.</i></p>
+
+<p>"Has approached the emergencies of life with courage and relish ...
+qualities that make for readableness ... this autobiography,
+despite a tendency to anecdotal divagations ... is thoroughly
+entertaining."&mdash;<i>Nation.</i></p>
+
+<p>"Told with the convincing force of actual experience ... has all
+the excellences, and not many of the defects, of the trained
+journalist ... tells us rapidly and effectively what sort of a life
+he has led ... full of interest."&mdash;<i>Dial.</i></p>
+
+<p>"Its cozily intimate quality.... One of those books which the
+reviewer begins to mark appreciatively for quotation, only to
+discover ere long that he cannot possibly find room for half the
+passages selected."&mdash;<i>New York Tribune.</i></p>
+
+<p>"Very pleasant are these reviews of the days that are
+gone."&mdash;<i>Sun.</i></p>
+
+<p>"He has much to say and says it graphically."&mdash;<i>Times-Review.</i></p>
+
+<p>"The most charming and useful of his many books ... sympathetic,
+kindly, humorous, and confidential talk ... laughable anecdotes ...
+a keen observer's and critic's comment on more than half a century
+of American development."&mdash;<i>Hartford Courant.</i></p>
+
+<p>"Seldom does one come upon so companionable a volume of
+reminiscences ... the author has good materials galore and presents
+them with so kindly a humor that one never wearies of his chatty
+history ... the whole volume is genial in spirit and eminently
+readable."&mdash;<i>Chicago Record-Herald.</i></p>
+
+<p>"Deserves to rank high in the literature of American autobiography,
+even though that literature boasts the masterpiece of Benjamin
+Franklin."&mdash;<i>San Francisco Argonaut.</i></p></blockquote>
+
+
+
+<h3>WILLIAM DE MORGAN'S JOSEPH VANCE</h3>
+
+<p>A touching story, yet full of humor, of lifelong love and heroic
+sacrifice. While the scene is mostly in and near the London of the
+fifties, there are some telling glimpses of Italy, where the author
+lives much of the time.</p>
+
+<blockquote><p>"The book of the last decade; the best thing in fiction since Mr.
+Meredith and Mr. Hardy; must take its place as the first great
+English novel that has appeared in the twentieth century."&mdash;<span class="smcap">Lewis
+Melville</span> in <i>New York Times Saturday Review</i>.</p>
+
+<p>"If the reader likes both 'David Copperfield' and 'Peter Ibbetson,'
+he can find the two books in this one."&mdash;<i>The Independent.</i></p></blockquote>
+
+
+<h3>WILLIAM DE MORGAN'S ALICE-FOR-SHORT</h3>
+
+<p>This might paradoxically be called a genial ghost-and-murder story, yet
+humor and humanity again dominate, and the most striking element is the
+touching love story of an unsuccessful man. The reappearance in
+Nineteenth Century London of the long-buried past, and a remarkable case
+of suspended memory, give the dramatic background.</p>
+
+<blockquote><p>"Really worth reading and praising ... will be hailed as a
+masterpiece. If any writer of the present era is read a half
+century hence, a quarter century, or even a decade, that writer is
+William De Morgan."&mdash;<i>Boston Transcript.</i></p>
+
+<p>"It is the Victorian age itself that speaks in those rich,
+interesting, over-crowded books.... Will be remembered as Dickens'
+novels are remembered."&mdash;<i>Springfield Republican.</i></p></blockquote>
+
+
+<h3>WILLIAM DE MORGAN'S SOMEHOW GOOD</h3>
+
+<p>The purpose and feeling of this novel are intense, yet it is all
+mellowed by humor, and it contains perhaps the author's freshest and
+most sympathetic story of young love. Throughout its pages the "God be
+praised evil has turned to good" of the old Major rings like a trumpet
+call of hope. This story of to-day tells of a triumph of courage and
+devotion.</p>
+
+<blockquote><p>"A book as sound, as sweet, as wholesome, as wise, as any in the
+range of fiction."&mdash;<i>The Nation.</i></p>
+
+<p>"Our older novelists (Dickens and Thackeray) will have to look to
+their laurels, for the new one is fast proving himself their equal.
+A higher quality of enjoyment than is derivable from the work of
+any other novelist now living and active in either England or
+America."&mdash;<i>The Dial.</i></p></blockquote>
+
+
+<h3>WILLIAM DE MORGANS IT NEVER CAN HAPPEN AGAIN</h3>
+
+<p>This novel turns on a strange marital complication, and is notable for
+two remarkable women characters, the pathetic girl Lizarann and the
+beautiful Judith Arkroyd, with her stage ambitions. Lizarann's father,
+Blind Jim, is very appealingly drawn, and shows rare courage and
+devotion despite cruel handicaps. There are strong dramatic episodes,
+and the author's inevitable humor and optimism.</p>
+
+<blockquote><p>"De Morgan at his very best, and how much better his best is than
+the work of any novelist of the past thirty years."&mdash;<i>Independent.</i></p>
+
+<p>"There has been nothing at all like it in our day. The best of our
+contemporary novelists ... do not so come home to our business and
+our bosoms ... his method ... is very different in most important
+respects from that of Dickens. He is far less the showman, the
+dashing prestidigitator ... more like Thackeray ... precisely what
+the most 'modern' novelists are striving for&mdash;for the most part in
+vain ... most enchanting ... infinitely lovable and
+pathetic."&mdash;<i>The Nation.</i></p>
+
+<p>"Another long delightful voyage with the best English company ...
+from Dukes to blind beggars ... you could make out a very good case
+for handsome Judith Arkroyd as an up-to-date Ethel Newcome ... the
+stuff that tears in hardened and careless hearts are made of ...
+singularly perceiving, mellow, wise, charitable, humorous ... a
+plot as well defined as if it were a French farce."&mdash;<i>The Times
+Saturday Review.</i></p>
+
+<p>"The characters of Blind Jim and Lizarann are wonderful&mdash;worthy of
+Dickens at his best."&mdash;Professor <span class="smcap">William Lyon Phelps</span>, of Yale,
+author of "Essays on Modern Novelists."</p></blockquote>
+
+
+<h3>WILLIAM DE MORGAN'S AN AFFAIR OF DISHONOR</h3>
+
+<p>A dramatic story of England in the time of the Restoration. It commences
+with a fatal duel, and shows a new phase of its remarkable author. The
+movement is fairly rapid, and the narrative absorbing, with occasional
+glints of humor.</p>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Mad Shepherds, by L. P. Jacks
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Mad Shepherds, by L. P. Jacks
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Mad Shepherds
+       and Other Human Studies
+
+Author: L. P. Jacks
+
+Illustrator: L. Leslie Brooke
+
+Release Date: February 24, 2010 [EBook #31386]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MAD SHEPHERDS ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Mary Meehan and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+                                   MAD SHEPHERDS
+
+                             _AND OTHER HUMAN STUDIES_
+
+                                  BY L. P. JACKS
+
+
+WITH FRONTISPIECE BY
+L. LESLIE BROOKE
+
+NEW YORK
+HENRY HOLT AND COMPANY
+1910
+
+THIS BOOK
+IS DEDICATED TO
+SIR ROBERT BALL
+LL.D., F.R.S.
+
+
+
+
+[Illustration: "SNARLEY BOB" From a Drawing by L. Leslie Brooke]
+
+
+
+
+CONTENTS
+
+
+MAD SHEPHERDS
+
+
+1. SHOEMAKER HANKIN
+
+2. SNARLEY BOB ON THE STARS
+
+3. "SNARLEYCHOLOGY," I. THEORETICAL
+
+4. "SNARLEYCHOLOGY," II. EXPERIMENTAL
+
+5. A MIRACLE, I
+
+6. A MIRACLE, II
+
+7. SHEPHERD TOLLER O' CLUN DOWNS
+
+8. SNARLEY BOB'S INVISIBLE COMPANION
+
+9. THE DEATH OF SNARLEY BOB
+
+
+OTHER HUMAN STUDIES
+
+1. FARMER PERRYMAN'S TALL HAT
+
+2. A GRAVEDIGGER SCENE
+
+3. HOW I TRIED TO ACT THE GOOD SAMARITAN
+
+4. "MACBETH" AND "BANQUO" ON THE BLASTED HEATH
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+There is nothing that so embases and enthralls the Souls of men, as the
+dismall and dreadfull thoughts of their own Mortality, which will not
+suffer them to look beyond this short span of Time, to see an houres
+length before them, or to look higher than these material Heavens; which
+though they could be stretch'd forth to infinity, yet would the space be
+too narrow for an enlightened mind, that will not be confined within the
+compass of corporeal dimensions. These black Opinions of Death and the
+Non-entity of Souls (darker than Hell it self) shrink up the free-born
+Spirit which is within us, which would otherwise be dilating and
+spreading it self boundlessly beyond all Finite Being: and when these
+sorry pinching mists are once blown away, it finds this narrow sphear of
+Being to give way before it; and having once seen beyond Time and
+Matter, it finds then no more ends nor bounds to stop its swift and
+restless motion. It may then fly upwards from one heaven to another,
+till it be beyond all orbe of Finite Being, swallowed up in the
+boundless Abyss of Divinity, [Greek: hyperano tes ousias], beyond all
+that which darker thoughts are wont to represent under the Idea of
+Essence. This is that [Greek: theion skotos] which the Areopagite speaks
+of, which the higher our Minds soare into, the more incomprehensible
+they find it. Those dismall apprehensions which pinion the Souls of men
+to mortality, churlishly check and starve that noble life thereof, which
+would alwaies be rising upwards, and spread it self in a free heaven:
+and when once the Soul hath shaken off these, when it is once able to
+look through a grave, and see beyond death, it finds a vast Immensity of
+Being opening it self more and more before it, and the ineffable light
+and beauty thereof shining more and more into it.
+
+    _Select Discourses of John Smith, the
+    Cambridge Platonist, 1660._
+
+
+
+
+MAD SHEPHERDS
+
+_AND OTHER HUMAN STUDIES_
+
+
+
+
+SHOEMAKER HANKIN
+
+
+Among the four hundred human beings who peopled our parish there were
+two notable men and one highly gifted woman. All three are dead, and lie
+buried in the churchyard of the village where they lived. Their graves
+form a group--unsung by any poet, but worthy to be counted among the
+resting-places of the mighty.
+
+The woman was Mrs. Abel, the Rector's wife. None of us knew her
+origin--I doubt if she knew it herself: beyond her husband and children,
+assignable relatives she had none.
+
+    "Sie war nicht in dem Tal geboren,
+    Man wusste nicht woher sie kam."
+
+Her husband met her many years ago at a foreign watering-place, and
+married her there after a week's acquaintance--much to the scandal of
+his family, for the lady was an actress not unknown to fame. Their only
+consolation was that she had a considerable fortune--the fruit of her
+professional work.
+
+In all relevant particulars this strange venture had proved a huge
+success. To leave the fever of the stage for the quiet life of the
+village had been to Mrs. Abel like the escape of a soul from the flames
+of purgatory. She had rightly discerned that the Rev. Edward Abel was a
+man of large heart, high character, and excellent wit--partly clergyman,
+but mostly man. He, on his part, valued his wife, and his judgment was
+backed by every humble soul in the village. But the bigwigs of the
+county, and every clergyman's wife within a radius of ten miles, were of
+another mind. She had not been "proper" to begin with--at least, they
+said so; and as time went on she took no pains to be more "proper" than
+she was at first. Her improprieties, so far as I could ever learn, arose
+from nothing more heinous than her possession of an intelligence more
+powerful and a courage more daring than that to which any of her
+neighbours could lay claim. Her outspokenness was a stumbling-block to
+many; and the offence of speaking her mind was aggravated by the
+circumstance, not always present at such times, that she had a mind to
+speak. To quote the language in which Farmer Perryman once explained the
+situation to me: "She'd given all on 'em a taste o' the whip, and with
+some on 'em she'd peppered and salted the sore place into the bargain."
+Moreover, she sided with many things that a clergyman's wife ought to
+oppose: took all sorts of undesirables under her protection, helped
+those whom everybody else wanted to punish, threw good discretion to the
+winds, and sometimes mixed in undertakings which no "lady" ought to
+touch. To all this she added the impertinence of regular attendance at
+church, where she recited the Creeds in a rich voice that almost drowned
+her husband's, turning punctually to the East and bowing at the Sacred
+Name. That she was a hypocrite trying to save her face was, of course,
+obvious to every Scribe and Pharisee in the county. But the poor of
+Deadborough preferred her hypocrisy to the virtuous simplicity of her
+critics.
+
+Mrs. Abel is too great a subject for such humble portraiture as I can
+attempt, and she will henceforth appear in these pages only as occasion
+requires. It is time that we turn to the men.
+
+The first of these was Robert Dellanow, known far and wide as "Snarley
+Bob," head shepherd to Sam Perryman of the Upper Farm. I say, the first;
+for it was he who had the pre-eminence, both as to intelligence and the
+tragic antagonisms of his life. The man had many singularities, singular
+at least in shepherds. Perhaps the chief of these was the violence of
+the affinities and repulsions that broke forth from him towards every
+personality with whom he came into any, even the slightest, contact.
+Snarley invariably loved or hated at first sight, or rather at first
+sound, for he was strangely sensitive to the tones of a human voice. If,
+as seldom happened, your voice and presence chanced to strike the
+responsive chord, Snarley became your devoted slave on the spot; the
+heavy, even brutal, expression that his face often wore passed off like
+a cloud; you were in the Mount of Transfiguration, and it seemed that
+Elijah or one of the prophets had come back to earth. If, as was more
+likely, your manner repelled him, he would show signs of immediate
+distress; the animality of his features would become more sinister and
+forbidding; and if, undaunted by the first repulse, you continued to
+press your attentions upon him, he would presently break out into an
+ungovernable paroxysm of rage, accompanied by startling language and
+even by threats of violence, which drove offenders headlong from his
+presence. In these outbursts he was unrestrained by rank, age, or
+sex--indeed, his antipathies to certain women were the most violent of
+all. Curiously enough, it was the presence of humanity of the
+uncongenial type which alone had power to effect his reversion to the
+status of the brute. His normal condition was gentle and serene: he was
+fond of children and certain animals, and he bore the agonies of his old
+rheumatic limbs without a murmur of complaint.
+
+It was not possible, of course, that such a man, however gifted with
+intelligence, should "succeed in life." There were some people who held
+that he was mad, and proposed that he should be put under restraint; and
+doubtless they would have gained their end had not Snarley been able to
+give proofs of his sanity in certain directions such as few men could
+produce.
+
+Once he had been haled before the magistrate to answer a serious charge
+of using threats, was fined and compelled to give security for his good
+behaviour; and it was on this occasion that he narrowly escaped
+detention as a lunatic. Indeed, I cannot prove that he was sane; but
+neither could I prove it, if challenged, in regard to myself--a
+difficulty which the courteous reader, in his own case, will hardly deny
+that he has to share with me. Mad or sane, it is certain that Snarley,
+under a kinder Fate, might have been something more splendid than he
+was. Mystic, star-gazer, dabbler in black or blackish arts, he seemed in
+his lowly occupation of shepherd to represent some strange miscarriage
+of Nature's designs; but Mrs. Abel, who understood the secrets of many
+hearts, always maintained that Snarley, the breeder of the famous
+Perryman rams, had found the calling to which he had been fore-ordained
+from the foundation of the world. Of this the reader must judge from the
+sequel; for we shall hear much of him anon.
+
+The second man was Tom Hankin, shoemaker. A man of strong contrasts was
+Tom; an octogenarian when I first knew him, and an atheist, as he
+proudly boasted, "all his life." My last interview with him took place a
+few days before his death, when he knew that he was hovering on the
+brink of the grave; and it was then that Hankin offered me his complete
+argument for the non-existence of Deity and the mortality of the soul.
+Never did dying saint dilate on the raptures of Paradise with greater
+fervour than that displayed by the old man as he developed his theme. I
+will not say that Hankin was happy; but he was fierce and unconquered,
+and totally unafraid. I think also that he was proud--proud, that is, of
+his ability to hurl defiance into the very teeth of Death. He said that
+he had always hoped he would be able to die thus; that he had sometimes
+feared lest in his last illness there should be some weakening towards
+the end: perhaps his mind would become overclouded, and he would lose
+grip of his arguments; perhaps he would think that death was _something_
+instead of being _nothing_; perhaps he would be troubled by the thought
+of impending annihilation. But no, it was all as clear as before,
+clearer if anything. All that troubled him was "that folks was so blind;
+that Snarley Bob, in particular, was as obstinate as ever--a man, sir,
+as ought to ha' known better; never would listen to no arguments; always
+shut him up when he tried to reason, and sometimes swore at him; and him
+with the best head in the whole county, but crammed full of rubbish that
+was no use to himself nor nobody else, and that nobody could make head
+nor tail of--no, not even Mrs. Abel, as was always backing him up; and
+to think of him breedin' sheep all his life; why, that man, sir, if only
+he'd learned a bit o' commonsense reasonin', might ha' done wonders,
+instead o' wastin' himself wi' a lot o' tomfoolery about stars and
+spirits, and what all." Thus he continued to pour forth till a fit of
+coughing interrupted the torrent.
+
+Hankin was the son of a Chartist, from whom he inherited a small but
+sufficient collection of books. Tom Paine was there, of course, bearing
+on every page of him the marks of two generations of Hankin thumbs. He
+also possessed the works of John Stuart Mill, not excepting the _Logic_,
+which he had mastered, even as to the abstruser portions, with a
+thoroughness such as few professors of the science could boast at the
+present day. Mill, indeed, was his prophet; and the principle of the
+Greatest Happiness was his guiding star. Hankin was well abreast of
+current political questions, and to every one of them he applied his
+principle and managed by means of it to take a definite side. As he
+worked at his last he would concentrate his mind on some chosen problem
+of social reform, and would ponder, with singular pertinacity, the ways
+and degrees in which alternative solutions of it would affect the
+happiness of men. He would sometimes spend weeks in meditating thus on a
+single problem, and, when a solution had been reached according to his
+method, he made it a regular practice to go down to the Nag's Head and
+announce the result, with all the prolixity of its antecedents, over a
+pot of beer. It was there that I heard Hankin defend "armaments" as
+conducive to the Greatest Happiness of the Greatest Number. Venturing to
+assail what I thought a preposterous view, I was met by a counter attack
+of horse, foot, and artillery, so well planned and vigorously sustained
+that in the end I was utterly beaten from the field. Had Snarley Bob
+been present, the result would have been different; indeed, there would
+have been no result to the controversy at all. He would have stopped the
+argument _ab initio_ by affirming in language of his own, perhaps
+unprintable, that the whole question was of not the slightest importance
+to anybody; that "them as built the ships, because someone had argued
+'em into doing it, were fools, and them as did the arguing were bigger
+fools still"; the same for those who refrained from building; that, in
+short, the only way to get such questions settled was "to leave 'em to
+them as knows what's what." This ignorant and undemocratic attitude
+never failed to divert Hankin from argument to recrimination, which was
+all the more bitter because Bob had a way of implying, mainly by the
+movement of his horse-like eyes, that he himself was one of those who
+knew precisely what "what" was. The upshot therefore was a row between
+shepherd and shoemaker--a thing which the shepherd enjoyed in the same
+degree as he hated the shoemaker's arguments.
+
+Not the least of Mrs. Abel's improprieties was her open patronage of
+Hankin. The shoemaker had established what he called an Ethical Society,
+which held its meetings on Sunday afternoons in the barn of a
+sympathetic farmer. These meetings, which were regularly addressed by
+Hankin, Mrs. Abel used frequently to attend. The effect of this was
+twofold. On the one hand, it was no small stimulus to Hankin that among
+the handful of uneducated irreconcilables who gathered to hear him, he
+might have for auditor one of the keenest and most cultivated minds in
+England--one who, as he was well aware, had no sympathy with his
+opinions. I once heard him lecture on one of his favourite topics while
+she was present, and I must say that I have seldom heard a bad case
+better argued. On the other hand, Mrs. Abel's presence served to rob his
+lectures of much of the force which opinions, when condemned by the
+rich, invariably have among the poor. She was shrewd enough to perceive
+that active repression of Hankin, who she well knew could not be
+repressed, would only swell his following and strengthen his position.
+
+This, of course, was not understood by the local guardians of morality
+and religion. After vainly appealing to Mr. Abel, who turned an
+absolutely deaf ear to the petitioners, they proceeded to lay the case
+before the Bishop, who happened to be, unfortunately for them, one of
+the most courageous and enlightened prelates of his time. The Bishop, on
+whom considerable pressure was brought to bear, resolved at last to come
+down to Deadborough and have an interview with Mrs. Abel. The result was
+that he and the lady became fast and lifelong friends. He returned to
+his palace determined to take the risk, and to all further importunities
+he merely returned a formal answer that he saw no reason to interfere.
+This was not the least daring of many actions which have distinguished,
+by their boldness and commonsense, the record of a singularly noble
+career. The case did not get into the papers; none the less, it was much
+talked of in clerical circles, and its effect was to give the Bishop a
+reputation among prelates not unlike that which Mrs. Abel had won among
+clergymen's wives.
+
+The Bishop's intervention having failed, the party of repression now
+determined on the short and easy way. Hankin's landlord was Peter Shott,
+whose holding consisted of two small farms which had been joined
+together. In the house belonging to one of these farms lived Hankin, a
+sub-tenant of Shott. To Shott there came, in due course, a hint from an
+exalted quarter that it would be to his interests to give Hankin notice
+to quit. Shott was willing enough, and presently the notice was served.
+It was a serious thing for the shoemaker, for he had a good business,
+and there was no other house or cottage available in the neighbourhood.
+
+In the interval before the notice expired announcements appeared that
+the estate to which Shott's holding belonged was to be sold by auction
+in lots. Shott himself was well-to-do, and promptly determined to become
+the purchaser of his farm.
+
+There were several bidders at the sale, and Shott was pushed to the very
+end of his tether. He managed, however, to outbid them all, though he
+trembled at his own temerity; and the farm was on the point of being
+knocked down to him when a lawyer's clerk at the end of the room went
+L50 better. Shott took a gulp of whisky to steady his nerve and
+desperately put the price up fifty more. The lawyer's clerk immediately
+countered with another hundred, and looked as though he was ready to go
+on. That was the knock-down blow. Shott put his hands in his pockets,
+leaned back in his chair, and dolefully shook his head in response to
+all the coaxings and blandishments of the auctioneer. The hammer fell.
+"Name, please," was called; the lawyer's clerk passed up a slip of
+paper, and a thunderbolt fell on the company when the auctioneer read
+out, "Mr. Thomas Hankin." Hankin had bought the farms for L4700. "Cheque
+for deposit," said the auctioneer. A cheque for L470, previously signed
+by Hankin, was immediately filled in and passed up by the lawyer's
+clerk.
+
+It was, of course, Mrs. Abel who had advanced the money to the shoemaker
+on prospective mortgage, less a sum of L1000 which he himself
+contributed--the savings of his life. The situation became interesting.
+Here was Hankin, under notice to quit, now become the rightful owner of
+his own house and the landlord of his landlord. Everyone read what had
+happened as a deep-laid scheme of vengeance on the part of Hankin and
+Mrs. Abel, of whose part in the transaction no secret whatever was made.
+It was taken for granted that the evicted man would now retaliate by
+turning Shott out of his highly cultivated farm and well-appointed
+house. The jokers of the Nag's Head were delirious, and drank gin in
+their beer for a week after the occurrence. Snarley Bob alone drank no
+gin, and merely contributed the remark that "them as laughs last, laughs
+best."
+
+Meanwhile the shoemaker, seated at his last, was carefully pondering the
+position in the light of the principles of Bentham and Mill. He
+considered all the possible alternatives and weighed off against one
+another the various amounts of pleasure and pain involved, resolutely
+counting himself as "one and not more than one." He certainly estimated
+at a large figure the amount of pleasure he himself would derive from
+paying Shott in his own coin. All consideration of "quality" was
+strictly eliminated, for in this matter Hankin held rather with Bentham
+than with Mill. The sum was an extremely complicated one to work, and
+gave more exercise to Hankin's powers of moral arithmetic than either
+armaments, or women's suffrage, or the State Church. Mrs. Abel had left
+him free to do exactly as he liked; and he had nearly determined to
+expel Shott when it occurred to him that by taking the other course he
+would give a considerable amount of pleasure to the Rector's wife. And
+to this must be added the pleasure which he would derive for himself by
+pleasing her, and further the pleasure of his chief friend and enemy,
+Snarley Bob, on discovering that both of them were pleased. Then there
+was the question of his own reflected pleasure in the pleasure of
+Snarley Bob, and this was considerable also; for though Hankin denounced
+Bob on every possible occasion, yet secretly he valued his good opinion
+more than that of any living man. It is true that the figures at which
+he estimated these personal quantities were very small in proportion to
+those which he had set down to the more public aspects of the case; for
+his principles forbade him to reckon either Mrs. Abel or Snarley as
+"more than one." Nevertheless, small as these figures were, Hankin
+found, when he came to add up his totals and strike off the balance of
+pains, that they were enough to turn the scale. He determined to leave
+Shott undisturbed, and went to bed with that feeling of perfect mental
+satisfaction which did duty with him for a conscience at peace.
+
+Notice of this resolution was conveyed next day to the parties
+concerned, and that night Farmer Shott, who was a pious Methodist and
+held family prayers, instead of imploring the Almighty "to defeat the
+wiles of Satan, now active in this village," put up a lengthy petition
+for blessings on the heads of Shoemaker Hankin and his family,
+mentioning each one of them by name, and adding such particulars of his
+or her special needs as would leave the Divine Benevolence with no
+excuse for mixing them up.
+
+With all his hard-headedness Hankin combined the graces of a singularly
+kind and tender heart. He held, of course, that there was nothing like
+leather, especially for mitigating the distress of the orphan and
+causing the widow's heart to sing for joy. Every year he received
+confidentially from the school-mistress a list of the worst-shod
+children in the school, from whom he selected a dozen belonging to the
+poorest families, that he might provide each of them at Christmas with a
+pair of good, strong shoes. The boots of labourers out of work and of
+other unfortunates he mended free of cost, regularly devoting to this
+purpose that part of the Sabbath which was not occupied in proving the
+non-existence of God. There was, for instance, poor Mary Henson--a loose
+deserted creature with illegitimate children of various paternity, and
+another always on the way--rejected by every charity in the parish,--to
+whom Hankin never failed to send needed footwear both for herself and
+her brats.
+
+Further, whenever a pair of shoes had to be condemned as "not worth
+mending," he endeavoured to retain them for a purpose of his own,
+sometimes paying a few pence for them as "old leather." When summer came
+round he set to work patching the derelicts as best he could, and would
+sometimes have thirty or forty pairs in readiness by the end of June.
+This was the season when the neighbourhood was annually invaded by
+troops of pea-pickers--a very miscellaneous collection of humanity
+comprising at the one extreme broken army men and university graduates,
+and at the other the lowest riff-raff of the towns. It was Hankin's
+regular custom to visit the camps where these people were quartered,
+with the avowed object of "studying human nature," but really for the
+purpose of spying out the shoeless, or worse than shoeless, feet. He was
+a notable performer on the concertina, and I well remember seeing him in
+the middle of a pea-field, surrounded by as sorry a group of human
+wreckage as civilisation could produce, listening, or dancing to his
+strains. Hankin's eyes were on their feet all the time. When the
+performance was over he went round to one and another, mostly women, and
+said something which made their eyes glisten.
+
+And here it may be recorded that one day, towards the end of his life,
+he received a letter from Canada containing a remittance for fifty
+pounds. The writer, Major ---- of the North-West Mounted Police, said
+that the money was payment for a certain pair of old shoes, the gift of
+which "had set him on his feet in more senses than one." He also stated
+that he had made a small fortune by speculating in town-lots, and,
+hearing that Hankin was alive, he was prepared to send him any further
+sum of money that might be necessary to secure him a comfortable old
+age. Major ---- died last year, and left by his will the sum of L300 in
+Consols to the Rector and churchwardens of Deadborough, the interest to
+be expended annually at Christmas in providing boots and shoes for the
+poor of the parish.
+
+In the matter of trade Hankin was prosperous, and fully deserved his
+prosperity. He has been dead four years, and I am wearing at this moment
+almost the last pair of boots he ever made. His materials were the best
+that could be procured, and his workmanship was admirable. His customers
+were largely the well-to-do people of the neighbourhood, and his
+standard price for walking-boots was thirty-three shillings. He was by
+no means incapable of the higher refinements of "style," so that great
+people like Lady Passingham or Captain Sorley were often heard to say
+that they preferred his goods to those of Bond Street. He did a large
+business in building shooting-boots for the numerous parties which
+gathered at Deadborough Hall; his customers recommended him in the
+London clubs, where such things are talked of, and he received orders
+from all parts of the country and at all times of the year. He might, no
+doubt, have made his fortune. But he would have no assistance save that
+of his two sons. He lived for thirty-seven years in the house from which
+Shott had sought to expel him, refusing all orders which exceeded the
+limited working forces at his command. He chartered the corns on many
+noble feet; he measured the gouty toe of a Duke to the fraction of a
+millimetre, and made a contour map of all its elevations from the main
+peak to the foot-hills; and it was said that a still more Exalted
+Personage occasionally walked on leather of his providing.
+
+Hankin neglected nothing which might contribute to the success of his
+work, and applied himself to its principles with the same thoroughness
+which distinguished his handling of the Utilitarian Standard. One of his
+sons had emigrated to the United States and become, in course of time,
+the manager of a large boot factory in Brockton, Mass. From him Hankin
+received patterns and lasts and occasional consignments of American
+leather. This latter he was inclined, in general, to despise.
+Nevertheless, it had its uses. He found that an outer-sole of
+hemlock-tanned leather would greatly lengthen the working life of a poor
+man's heavy boot; though for want of suppleness it was useless for goods
+supplied to the "quality." The American patterns and lasts, on the other
+hand, he treated with great respect. He held that they embodied a far
+sounder knowledge of the human foot than did the English variety, and
+found them a great help to his trade in giving style, comfort, and
+accuracy of fit. At a time when the great manufacturers of Stafford and
+Northampton were blundering along with a range of four or five standard
+patterns, Hankin, in his little shop, was working on much finer
+intervals and producing nine regular sizes of men's boots. Indeed, his
+ready-made goods were so excellent, and their "fit" so certain, that
+some of his customers preferred them, and ordered him to abandon their
+lasts.
+
+Such was Hankin's manner of life and conversation. If there is such a
+place as heaven, and the reader ever succeeds in getting there, let him
+look out for Shoemaker Hankin among the highest seats of glory. His
+funeral oration was pronounced, though not in public, by Snarley Bob.
+"Shoemaker Hankin were a great man. He'd got hold o' lots o' good
+things; but he'd got some on 'em by the wrong end. He _talked_ more than
+a man o' his size ought to ha' done. He spent his breath in proving that
+God doesn't exist, and his life in proving that He does."
+
+
+
+
+SNARLEY BOB ON THE STARS
+
+
+Towards the end of his life there were few persons with whom Snarley
+would hold converse, for his contempt of the human race was
+immeasurable. There was Mrs. Abel at the Rectory, whom he adored; there
+were the Perrymans, whom he loved; and there was myself, whom he
+tolerated. There was also his old wife, whom he treated as part of
+himself, neither better nor worse. With other human beings--saving only
+the children--his intercourse was limited as far as possible to
+interjectory grunts and snarls--whence his name.
+
+It was in an old quarry among the western hills, on a bleak January day
+not long before his death, that I met Snarley Bob and heard him
+discourse of the everlasting stars. The quarry was the place in which to
+find Snarley most at his ease. In the little room of his cottage he
+could hardly be persuaded to speak; the confined space made him
+restless; and, as often as not, if a question were asked him he would
+seem not to hear it, and would presently get up, walk out of the door,
+and return when it pleased him. "He do be growing terrible
+absent-minded," his wife would often say in these latter days. "I'm
+a'most afraid sometimes as he may be took in a fit." But in the old
+quarry he was another man. The open spaces of the sky seemed to bring
+him to himself.
+
+Many a time on a summer day I have watched Mrs. Abel's horse bearing its
+rider up the steep slope that led to the quarry, and more than once have
+I gone thither myself only to find that she had forestalled my hopes of
+an interview. "Snarley Bob," she used to say to me, with a frank
+disregard for my own feelings--"Snarley Bob is the one man in the world
+whom I have found worth talking to."
+
+The feature in Snarley's appearance that no one could fail to see, or,
+having seen, forget, was the extraordinary width between the eyes. It
+was commonly said that he had the power of seeing people behind his
+back. And so doubtless he had, but the thing was no miracle. It was a
+consequence of the position of his eyes, which, like those of a horse,
+were as much at the side of his head as they were in front.
+
+Snarley's manner of speech was peculiar. Hoarse and hesitating at first,
+as though the physical act were difficult, and rising now and then into
+the characteristic snarl, his voice would presently sink into a deep and
+resonant note and flow freely onward in a tone of subdued emphasis that
+was exceedingly impressive. Holding, as he did, that words are among the
+least important things of life, Snarley was nevertheless the master of
+an unforced manner of utterance more convincing by its quiet
+indifference to effect than all the preternatural pomposities of the
+pulpit and the high-pitched logic of the schools. I have often thought
+that any Cause or Doctrine which could get itself expressed in Snarley's
+tones would be in a fair way to conquer the world. Fortunately for the
+world, however, it is not every Cause, nor every Doctrine, which would
+lend itself to expression in that manner.
+
+Seated on a heap of broken road metal, with a doubled sack between his
+person and the stones, and with his short pipe stuck out at right angles
+to his profile, so that he could see what was going on in the bowl,
+Snarley Bob discoursed, at intervals, as follows:
+
+"Yes, sir, there's things about the stars that fair knocks you silly to
+think on. And, what's more, you can't think on 'em, leastways to no good
+purpose, until they _have_ knocked you silly. Why, what's the good of
+tellin' a man that it's ninety-three millions o' miles between the earth
+and the sun? There's lots o' folks as knows that; but there's not one in
+ten thousand as knows what it means. You gets no forrader wi' lookin' at
+the figures in a book. You must thin yourself out, and make your body
+lighter than air, and stretch and stretch at yourself until you gets the
+sun and planets, floatin' like, in the middle o' your mind. Then you
+begins to get hold on it. Or what's the good o' sayin' that Saturn has
+rings and nine moons? You must go to one o' them moons, and see Saturn
+half fillin' the sky, wi' his rings cuttin' the heavens from top to
+bottom, all coloured wi' crimson and gold--then you begins to stagger at
+it. That's why I say you can't think o' these things till they've
+knocked you silly. Now there's Sir Robert Ball--it's knocked him silly,
+I can tell you. I knowed that when I went to his lecture, by the
+pictures he showed us, and I sez to myself, 'Bob,' I sez, 'that's a man
+worth listenin' to.'
+
+"You're right, sir. I wouldn't pay the least attention to anything you
+might say about the stars unless you'd told me that it knocked you silly
+to think on 'em. No, and I wouldn't talk to you about 'em either. You
+wouldn't understand.
+
+"And, as you were sayin', it isn't easy to get them big things the right
+way up. When things gets beyond a certain bigness you don't know which
+way up they are; and as like as not they're standin' on their heads when
+you think they're standin' on their heels. That's the way with the
+stars. They all want lookin' at t'other way up from what most people
+looks at 'em. And perhaps it's a good thing they looks at 'em the wrong
+way; becos if they looked at 'em the right way it would scare 'em out o'
+their wits, especially the women--same as it does my missis when she
+hears me and Mrs. Abel talkin'. Always exceptin' Mrs. Abel; you can't
+scare her; and she sees most things right way up, that she does!
+
+"But when it comes to the stars, you want to be a bit of a _medium_
+before you can get at 'em. Oh yes, I've been a medium in my time, more
+than I care to think of, and I could be a medium again to-morrow, if I
+wanted to. But them's the only sort of folks as can see things from both
+ends. Most folks only look at things from one end--and that as often as
+not the wrong un. Mediums looks from both ends; and, if they're good at
+it, they soon find out which end's right. You see, some on 'em--like me,
+for instance--can throw 'emselves out o' 'emselves, in a manner o'
+speaking, so that they can see their own bodies, just as if they was
+miles away, same as I can see that man walking on the Deadborough Road.
+
+"Well, I've often done it, and many's the story I could tell of things
+I've seen by day and night; but it wasn't till I went to hear Sir Robert
+Ball as the grand idea came to me. 'Why not throw yerself into the
+stars, Bob?' I sez to myself. And, by gum, sir, I did it that very
+night. How I did it I don't know; I won't say as there weren't a drop o'
+drink in it; but the minute I'd _got through_, I felt as I'd stretched
+out wonderful and, blessed if I didn't find myself standin' wi' millions
+of other spirits, right in the middle o' Saturn's rings. And the things
+I see there I couldn't tell you, no, not if you was to give me a
+thousand pounds. Talk o' spirits! I tell you there was millions on 'em!
+And the lights and the colours--oh, but it's no good talkin'! I looked
+back and wanted to know where the earth was, and there I see it,
+dwindled to a speck o' light.
+
+"Now you can understand why I keeps my mouth shut. Do you think I'm
+going to talk of them things to a lot o' folks that's got no more sense
+nor swine? Not me! And what else is there that's worth talking on? Who's
+goin' to make a fuss and go blatherin' about this and that, when you
+know the whole earth's no bigger nor a pea? My eyes! if some o' these
+'ere talkin' politicians knowed half o' what I know, they'd stop their
+blowin' pretty quick.
+
+"There's our parson--and he's a good man, though not half good enough
+for _her_--why, you might as well talk to a babby three months old! If I
+told him, he'd only think I was crazy; and like as not he'd send for old
+Doctor Kenyon to come up and feel my head, same as they did wi' Shepherd
+Toller, Clun Downs way, before they put him in the asylum. I sometimes
+says to my missis that it's a good thing I'm a poor man wi' nowt but a
+flock o' sheep to look after. For don't you see, sir, when once you've
+got hold o' the bigness o' things it's all one--flocks o' sheep and
+nations o' men? If I were King o' England, or Prime Minister, or any
+sort o' great man, knowing what I know, I'd only think I were a bigger
+humbug nor the rest. I couldn't keep it up. But bein' only a shepherd,
+I've got nothing to keep up, and I'm thankful I haven't.
+
+"I allus knows when folks has got things wrong end up by the amount they
+talks. When you get 'em the right way you don't _want_ to talk on 'em,
+except it may be to one or two, like Mrs. Abel, as got 'em the same way
+as yourself. So when you hear folks jawin', you can allus tell what's
+the matter wi' 'em.
+
+"There's old Shoemaker Hankin at Deadborough. Know him? Well, did you
+ever hear such a blatherin' old fool? 'All these things you're mad on,
+Snarley,' he sez to me one day, 'are nowt but matter and force.' 'Matter
+and force,' I sez; 'what's them?' And then he lets on for half a' hour
+trying to tell me all about matter and force. When he'd done I sez, 'Tom
+Hankin, there's more sense in one o' them old shoes than there is in
+your silly 'ead. You've got things all wrong end up, and you're just
+baain' at 'em like a' old sheep!' 'How can you prove it?' he sez. 'I
+know it,' I sez, 'by the row you makes.' It's a sure sign, sir; you take
+my word for it.
+
+"Then there's all these parsons preaching away Sunday after Sunday. Why,
+doesn't it stand to sense that if they'd got things right way up, there
+they'd be, and that 'ud be the end on it? And it's because they're all
+wrong that they've got to go on jawin' to persuade people they're right.
+One day I was in Parson Abel's study. 'What's all them books about?' I
+sez. 'Religion, most on 'em,' sez he. 'Well,' I sez, 'if the folks as
+wrote 'em had got things right way up they wouldn't 'a needed to 'a
+wrote so many books.'
+
+"Then, agen, there's that professor as comes fishin' in summer. 'Mr.
+Dellanow,' he sez to me one day, 'I take a great interest in yer.'
+'That's a darned sight more'n I take in you,' I sez, for if there's one
+thing as puts my bristles up it's bein' told as folks takes a' interest
+in me. 'Well,' he sez, for he wasn't easy to offend, 'I want to 'ave a
+talk.' 'What about?' I sez. 'I want to talk about the stars and the
+space as they're floatin' in.' 'Has space ever knocked yer silly?' I
+sez. 'Yes,' he sez, 'in a manner o' speakin' it has.' 'No,' I sez, 'it
+hasn't, because if it had you wouldn't want to talk about it.' Well,
+there was no stoppin' 'im, and at last he gets it out that space is just
+a way we have o' lookin' at things. I know'd well enough what he meant,
+though I could see as he were puttin' it wrong way up. When he'd done I
+sez, 'That's all right. But suppose space wasn't a way folks have o'
+lookin' at things, but something else, what difference would that make?'
+'I don't see what you mean,' he sez. 'That's because you don't see what
+you mean yerself,' I sez. 'You're just like the rest on 'em--talkin'
+about things you've never seen, but only heard other folks talkin'
+about. You're in the same box wi' Shoemaker Hankin and the parsons and
+all the lot on 'em. What's the good o' jawin' about space when you've
+never been there yourself? I have. I've seen more space in one minute
+than you've ever heard talk on since you were born. Don't tell me! If
+you could see what I've seen you'd never say another word about space as
+long as yer lived.'
+
+"But you was askin' what bein' a medium has got to do wi' knowin' about
+the stars. More than some folks think. They're two roads leadin' to the
+same place. Both on 'em are ways o' gettin' to the right end of things.
+What's wrong wi' the mediums is that they haven't got _line_ enough.
+They only manage to get just outside their own skins; but what's wanted
+is to get right on to the edge of the world and then look back. That's
+what the stars teaches you to do; and when you've done it--my word! it
+turns yer clean inside out!
+
+"There's lots of nonsense in mediums; but there's no nonsense in the
+stars. And it's the stars that's goin' to knock the nonsense out o' the
+mediums, you mark my word! I found that out, for, as I was tellin' you,
+I used to be one myself, and am one now, for the matter o' that.
+
+"Now you listen to what I'm goin' to tell you. There's lots o' spirits
+about: but they don't talk, at least not as a rule, and they don't want
+to talk; and when the mediums make 'em talk, they're liars! Spirits has
+better ways o' doin' things than talkin' on 'em. That's what you finds
+out when you gives yourself a long line and gets out to the edge o' the
+world. Then you looks back, and you sees that the whole thing's alive.
+It looks you straight in the face; and you can see it thinkin' and
+smilin' and frownin' and doin' things, just as I can see you at this
+minute. Do you think the stars can't understand one another? They can do
+it a sight better than you and me can. And they do it without speakin' a
+word. That, I tell you, is what you _sees_ when you lets your line out
+to the edge!
+
+"And when you've seen it you don't bother any more wi' makin' the
+spirits rap on tables and such like. What's the sense o' tryin' to find
+out whether you'll be a spirit after you're dead when you know there's
+nothing else anywhere? But it's no good talkin'. If you're not a bit of
+a medium yourself you'll never understand--no, not if I was to go on
+talkin' till both on us are frozen to death. And I reckon you're pretty
+cold already--you look it. Come down the hill wi' me, and I'll get my
+missis to make yer a cup o' hot tea."
+
+
+
+
+"SNARLEYCHOLOGY"
+
+I. THEORETICAL
+
+
+Farmer Perryman was rich, and it was Snarley Bob who had made him so.
+Now Snarley was a cunning breeder of sheep. For three-and-forty years he
+had applied his intuitions and his patience to the task of producing
+rams and ewes such as the world had never seen. His system of
+"observation and experiment" was peculiarly his own; it is written down
+in no book, but stands recorded on barn-doors, on gate-posts, on
+hurdles, and on the walls of a wheeled box which was Snarley's main
+residence during the spring months of the year. It is a literature of
+notches and lines--cross, parallel, perpendicular, and horizontal--of
+which the chief merit in Snarley's eyes was that nobody could understand
+it save himself. But it was enough to give his faculties all the aid
+they required. By such simple means he succeeded long ago in laying the
+practical basis of a life's work, evolving a highly complicated system
+controlled by a single principle, and yet capable of manifold
+application. The Perryman flock, now famous among sheep-breeders all
+over the world, was the result.
+
+Thirty years ago this flock was the admiration and the envy of the whole
+countryside. Young farmers with capital were confident that they were
+going to make money as soon as they began to breed from the Perryman
+strain. To have purchased a Perryman ram was to have invested your money
+in a gilt-edged, but rising, stock. The early "eighties" were times of
+severe depression in those parts; capital was scarce, farmers were
+discouraged, and the flocks deteriorated. At the present moment there is
+no more prosperous corner in agricultural England, and the basis of that
+prosperity is the life-work of Snarley Bob.
+
+The fame of that work is now world-wide, though the author of it is
+unknown. The Perryman rams have been exported into almost every
+sheep-raising country on the globe. Hundreds of thousands of their
+descendants are now nibbling food, and converting it into fine mutton
+and long-stapled wool, in Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and the
+Argentine. Only last summer I saw a large animal meditating procreation
+among the foot-hills of the Rockies, and was informed of the fabulous
+price of his purchase--fabulous but commercially sound, for the animal
+was a Perryman ram, and the owner was sublimely confident of being "up
+against a sure thing." Many fortunes have been made from that source;
+and there are perhaps millions of human beings now eating mutton or
+wearing cloth who, if they could trace the authorship of these good
+things, would stand up and bless the memory of Snarley Bob.
+
+One day among the hills I met the old man in presence of his charge,
+like a general reviewing his troops. As the flock passed on before us
+the professional reticence of Snarley was broken, and he began to talk
+of the animals before him, pointing to this and to that. Little by
+little his remarks began to remind me of something I had read in a book.
+On returning home, I looked the matter up. The book was a treatise on
+Mendelism, and, as I read on, the link was strengthened. Meeting Snarley
+Bob a few days afterwards, I did my best to communicate what I had
+learnt about Mendelism. He listened with profound attention, though, as
+I thought, with a trace of annoyance. He made some deprecatory remarks,
+quite in character, about "learned chaps as goes 'umbuggin' about things
+they don't understand." But in the end he was forced to confess some
+interest in what he had heard. "Them fellers," he said, "is on the right
+road; but they don't know where they're goin', and they don't go far
+enough." "How much further ought they to go?" I asked. For answer
+Snarley pointed to rows of notches on a five-barred gate and said, "It's
+all there." Whether it is "all there" or not I cannot tell; for the
+secret of those notches was never revealed to me, and the brain which
+held it lies under eight feet of clay in Deadborough churchyard. Perhaps
+Snarley is now discussing the matter with "the tall Shepherd"[1] in some
+nook of Elysium where the winds are less keen than they used to be on
+Quarry Hill.
+
+[Footnote 1: See _post_, "The Death of Snarley Bob."]
+
+Had Snarley received a due share of the unearned increment which his own
+and his rams' achievements brought into other hands he would probably
+have died a millionaire. But for all his toil and skill he received no
+more than a shepherd's wage. There were not wanting persons, of course,
+who regarded his condition as a crucial instance of the exceeding
+rottenness of our present industrial system. There was a great lady from
+London, named Lady Lottie Passingham, who resolved to take up the case.
+Lady Lottie belonged to the class who look upon the universe as a leaky
+old kettle and themselves as tinkers appointed by Providence to mend the
+holes. That Snarley's position represented a hole of the first magnitude
+was plain enough to Lady Lottie the moment she became acquainted with
+the facts. Her first step was to interest her brother, the Earl of
+Clodd, a noted breeder of pedigree stock, on the old man's behalf; her
+second, to rouse the slumbering soul of the victim to a sense of the
+injustice of his lot. I believe she succeeded better with her brother
+than with Snarley; for with him she utterly failed. Her discourse on the
+possibilities of bettering his position might as well have been spoken
+into the ears of the senior ram; and if the ram had responded, as he
+probably would, by pinning Lady Lottie against the wall of the barn, her
+overthrow would have been no more complete nor unmerited than that she
+actually received from Snarley Bob.
+
+For it so happened that Providence, in equipping the lady for her
+world-mending mission, had forgotten to give her a pleasant voice. Now
+if there was one thing in the world which made Snarley "madder" than
+anything else could do, it was the high-pitched, strident tones of a
+woman engaged in argument. The consequence was that his self-restraint
+broke down, and before the lady had said half the things she had meant
+to say, or come within sight of the splendid offer she was going to make
+on behalf of the Earl of Clodd, Snarley had spoken words and performed
+actions which caused his benefactress to retreat from the farmyard with
+her nose in the air, declaring she "would have nothing more to do with
+the horrid brute." She was not the first of Snarley's would-be
+benefactors who had formed the same resolve.
+
+Now this extraordinary conduct on Snarley's part was by no means due to
+any transcendental contempt for money. I have myself offered him many a
+half-crown, which has never been refused; and Mrs. Abel, unless I am
+much mistaken, has given him many a pound. Still less did it originate
+from rustic contentment with a humble lot; nor from a desire to act up
+to his catechism, by being satisfied with that station in life which
+Providence had assigned him. For there was no more restless soul within
+the four seas of Britain, and none less willing to govern his conduct by
+moral saws. And stupidity, which would probably have explained the facts
+in the case of any other dweller in those parts, was not to be thought
+of in Snarley's case. "I knew what the old gal was drivin' at before
+she'd finished the text," said Snarley to me.
+
+The truth is that he was afflicted with an immense and incurable
+arrogance which caused him to resent the implication, by whomsoever
+offered, that he was worse off than other people. It was Snarley's
+distinction that he was able to maintain, and carry off, as much pride
+on eighteen shillings a week as would require in most people at least
+fifty thousand a year for effective sustenance. Of course, it was not
+the eighteen shillings a week that made him proud; it was the
+consciousness that he had inner resources which his would-be benefactors
+knew not of. He regarded them all as his inferiors, and, had he known
+how to do it, he would have treated them _de haut en bas_. Ill-bred
+insolence was therefore his only weapon; but his use of this was as
+effective as if it had been the well-bred variety in the hands of the
+grandest of grand seigneurs. No wonder, then, that he failed to achieve
+the position to which, in the view of Lady Lottie Passingham, his
+talents entitled him.
+
+But the inner resources of which I have spoken were Snarley's sufficient
+compensation for his want of worldly success. The composition of this
+hidden bread, it is true, was somewhat singular and not easy to imitate.
+If the reader, when he has learned its ingredients, choose to call it
+"religion," there is certainly nothing to prevent him. But that was not
+the word that Snarley used, nor the one he would have approved of. In
+his own limited nomenclature the elements of his spiritual kingdom were
+two in number--"the stars" and "the spirits."
+
+Snarley's knowledge of the heavens was extensive, if not profound. On
+any fair view of profundity, I am inclined to think that it was
+profound, though of the technique of astronomy he knew but little. He
+had all the constellations at his fingers' ends, and had given to many
+of them names of his own; he knew their seasons, their days, even their
+hours; he knew the comings and goings of every visible planet; by day
+and night the heavens were his clock. It was characteristic of him that
+he seldom spoke of the weather when "passing the time of day"--a thing
+which he never did except to his chosen friends. He spoke almost
+invariably of the planets or the stars. "Good morning, the sun's very
+low at this time o' year--did you see the lunar halo last night?--a fine
+lot o' shootin' stars towards four o'clock, look for 'em again to-morrow
+in the nor'-west--you can get your breakfast by moonlight this week--Old
+Tabby [Orion] looks well to-night--you'd better have a look at Sirius
+afore the moon arises, I never see him so clear as he is now"--these
+were the greetings which Snarley offered "to them as could understand"
+from behind the hedge or within the penfold.
+
+But it was not from superficialities of this kind that the depth of his
+stellar interests was to be measured. I once told him that a great man
+of old had declared that the stars were gods. "So they are, but I wonder
+how he found that out," said Snarley; "because you can't find it out by
+lookin' at 'em. You may look at 'em till you're blind, and you'll never
+see anything but little lights." "It was just his fancy," I said, like a
+simpleton. "Fancy be ----!" said Snarley. "It's a plain truth--that is,
+it's plain enough for them as knows the way."
+
+"What's that?" I said.
+
+"It's a way as nobody can take unless they're born to it. And, what's
+more, it's a way as nobody can _understand_ unless they're born to it.
+Didn't I tell you the other day that there's only one sort of folks as
+can tell what the stars are--and that's the folks as can get out o'
+their own skins? And they're not many as can do that. But that man you
+were just talkin' of, as said the stars were gods, _he_ must ha' done
+it. It's my opinion that in the old days there was more folks as could
+get out o' their skins than there are now. I sometimes wish _I'd_ been
+born in the old days. I should ha' had somebody to talk to then. I've
+got hardly anybody now. And you get tired sometimes o' keepin' yerself
+to yerself. If I were a learned man I'd be readin' them old books day
+and night."
+
+"What about the Bible?" I asked.
+
+"Well, that's a good old book," said Snarley; "but there's some things
+in it that's no good to anybody--_except to talkin' men_."
+
+"Who are they?" I said.
+
+"Why, folks as doesn't understand things, but only likes to talk about
+'em: parsons--at least, more nor half on 'em--ay, and these 'ere
+politicians too, for the matter o' that. There's some folks as dresses
+up in fine clothes, and there's some as dresses up in fine words: one
+sort wants to be looked at, and the other wants to be listened to.
+Doesn't it stand to sense that it's just the same? Bless your 'eart,
+it's all _show_! Why, there's lots o' men as goes huntin' about till
+they finds a bit o' summat as they think 'ud look well if they dressed
+it up in talk. 'Ah,' they say to themselves, 'that'll just do for me;
+that's what I'm goin' to _believe_; when it's got its Sunday clothes on
+it'll look like a regular lord.' Well, there's plenty o' that sort
+about; and you can allus tell 'em by the 'oller sound as they makes. And
+them's the folks as spoils the old Bible.
+
+"Not but what there's things in the Bible as is 'oller to begin wi'. But
+there's plenty that isn't, if these talkin' chaps 'ud only leave it
+alone. Now, here's a bit as I calls tip-top: 'When I consider thy
+heavens, the work of thy fingers'" (here Snarley quoted several verses
+of the Eighth Psalm).
+
+"Now, when you gets hold on a bit like that, you don't want to go
+dressin' on it up. You just puts it in your pipe and smokes it, and then
+it does you good! _That's_ it!
+
+"There's was once a Salvation Army man as come and asked me if I
+accepted the Gospel. 'Yes, my lad,' I sez; 'I've accepted it--but only
+as a thing to _smoke_, not as a thing to go _bangin' about_. Put your
+drum in the cup-board, my lad,' I sez; 'and put the Gospel in your pipe,
+and you'll be a wiser man.'
+
+"As for all this 'ere argle-bargling about them big things, _there's
+nowt in it_, you take my word for that! The little things for
+argle-bargle, the big uns' for smokin', that's what _I_ sez! Put the big
+'uns in your pipe, sir; put 'em in your pipe, and smoke 'em!"
+
+These last words were spoken in tones of great solemnity and repeated
+several times.
+
+"That's good advice, Snarley," I said; "but the writer you just quoted
+hadn't got a pipe to put 'em in."
+
+"Didn't need one," said Snarley; "there weren't so many talkin' men
+about in his time. Folks then were born right end up to begin wi', and
+didn't need to smoke 'emselves round.
+
+"Ay, ay, sir, I often think about them old days--and it's the Bible as
+set me thinkin' on 'em. That's the only old book as I ever read. And
+there's some staggerers in it, I can tell you! Wonderful! If some o'
+them old Bible men could come back and hear the parsons talkin' about
+'em--eh, my word, there would be a rumpus! I'd like to see it, that I
+would! I'll tell you one thing, sir--and don't you forget it--you'll
+never understand the old Bible, leastways not the best bits in it, so
+long as you only wants to talk about 'em, same as a man _allus_ wants to
+do when he's stuck inside his own skin. Now, there's that bit about the
+heavens, as I just give you--that's a bit o' real all-right, isn't it?"
+
+"Yes," I said, "it is."
+
+"Well, can't you see as the man as said them words had just let himself
+out to the other end o' the line and was lookin' back? He'd got himself
+right into the middle o' the bigness o' things, and that's what you
+can't do as long as you keeps inside your own skin. But I tell you that
+when you gets outside for the first time it gives you a pretty shakin'
+up. You begins to think what a fool you've been all your life long."
+
+Beyond such statements as these, repeated many times and in many forms,
+I could get no light on Snarley's dealings with the heavens.
+
+To interpret his dealings with "the spirits" is a still harder task. It
+was one of his common sayings that this matter also could not be
+discussed in terms intelligible to the once-born. That he did not mean
+by "spirits" what the vulgar might suppose, is certain. It is true that
+at one time he used to attend spiritualistic seances held in a large
+neighbouring village, and he was commonly regarded as a "medium." This
+latter term was adopted by Snarley in many conversations I had with him
+as a true description of himself. But here again it was obvious that he
+used the term only for want of a better. He never employed it without
+some sort of caveat, uttered or implied, to the effect that the word
+must be taken with qualifications--unstated qualifications, but still
+suggestive of important distinctions.
+
+It is noteworthy in this connection that a bitter quarrel existed
+between Snarley and the spiritualists with whom he had once been
+associated. They had cast him forth from among them as a smoking brand;
+and Snarley on his part never lost a chance of denouncing them as liars
+and rogues. One of the most violent scenes ever witnessed in the
+tap-room of the Nag's Head had been perpetrated by Snarley on a certain
+occasion when Shoemaker Hankin was defending the thesis that all forms
+of religion might now be considered as done for, "except spiritualism."
+Even Hankin, who reverenced no thing in heaven or earth, had protested
+against the unprintable words which with Snarley greeted his logic;
+while the landlord (Tom Barter of happy memory), himself the lowest
+black-guard in the village, had suggested that he should "draw it mild."
+
+This reminds me that Snarley regarded strong drink as a means, and a
+legitimate means, for obtaining access to hidden things; nor did he
+scruple at times to use it for that end. "There's nowt like a drop o'
+drink _for openin' the door_," he remarked. "But only for them as is
+born to it. If you're not born to it, drink shuts the door on you
+tighter nor ever. There's not one man in ten that drink doesn't make a
+bigger fool of than he is already. Look at Shoemaker Hankin. Half a pint
+of cider'll set him hee-hawin' like the Rectory donkey. But there's some
+men as can't get a lift no other way. It's like that wi' me sometimes.
+There's weeks and weeks together when I'm fair stuck inside my own skin
+and can't get out on it nohow. That's when I know a drop'll do me good.
+I can a'most hear something go click in my head, and then I gets among
+'em" (the spirits) "in no time. A pint's mostly enough to do it; but
+sometimes it takes a quart; and once or twice I've had to go on till
+somebody's had to help me home. But when once I begins I never stops
+till I see the door openin'--and then not a drop more!"
+
+
+
+
+"SNARLEYCHOLOGY"
+
+II. EXPERIMENTAL
+
+
+One day I was discussing with Mrs. Abel the oft-recurrent problem of
+Snarley's peculiar mental constitution, a subject to which she had given
+the name "Snarleychology."[2] Her knowledge of the old man's ways was of
+longer date than mine, and she understood him infinitely better than I.
+"Suppose, now," I said "that Snarley had been able to express himself
+after the manner of superlative people like you and me, what would have
+come of it?" "Art," said Mrs. Abel, "and most probably poetry. He's just
+a mass of intuitions!" "What a pity they are inarticulate!" I answered,
+repeating the appropriate commonplace. "But they are not inarticulate,"
+said Mrs. Abel. "Snarley has found a medium of expression which gives
+him perfect satisfaction." "Then the poems ought to be in existence,"
+said I. "So they are," was the answer; "they exist in the shape of
+Farmer Perryman's big rams. The rams are the direct creations of genius
+working upon appropriate material. None but a dreamer of dreams could
+have brought them into being; every one of them is an embodied ideal.
+Don't make the blunder of thinking that Snarley's sheep-raising has
+nothing to do with his star-gazings and spirit-rappings. It's all one.
+Shakespeare writes _Hamlet_, and Snarley produces 'Thunderbolt.'[3] To
+call Snarley inarticulate because he hasn't written a _Hamlet_ is as
+absurd as it would be to call Shakespeare inarticulate because he didn't
+produce a 'Thunderbolt.' Both _Hamlet_ and 'Thunderbolt' were born in
+the highest heaven of invention. Both are the fruit of intuitions
+concentrated on their object with incredible pertinacity."
+
+[Footnote 2: I suggested to Mrs. Abel that this word wouldn't do, and
+proposed "Snarleyology" instead. She declined the improvement at once,
+remarking that 'the soul of the word was in the _ch_.']
+
+[Footnote 3: The name of the greatest of the Perryman rams--a brute
+"with more decorations than a Field-marshal."]
+
+I was forced into silence for a time, bewildered by a statement which
+seemed to alternate between levelling the big things down to the little
+ones, and raising the little ones to the level of the big. When I had
+chewed this hard saying as well as I could, I bolted it for further
+digestion, and continued the conversation. "Has Snarley," I asked, "ever
+been tried with poetry, in the ordinary sense of the term?"
+
+"Yes," said the lady, "an experiment was once made on him by Miss ----"
+(naming a literary counterpart to Lady Lottie Passingham), "who visited
+him in his cottage and insisted on reading him some poem of Whittier's.
+In ten minutes she was fleeing from the cottage in terror of her life,
+and no one has since repeated the experiment."
+
+"I think," I said, "that if you would consent to be the experimenter we
+might obtain better results."
+
+Now in one important respect Nature had dealt more bountifully with Mrs.
+Abel than with Lady Lottie Passingham. Though Mrs. Abel had no desire to
+reform the universe, and was conscious of no mission to that end, she
+possessed a voice which might have produced a revolution. It was a soft
+contralto, vibrant and rich, and tremulous with tones which the gods
+would have come from Olympus to hear. She never sang, but her speech was
+music, rich and rare. In early life, as I have said, she had been on the
+stage, and Art had completed the gifts of Nature. Here lay one of the
+secrets of her power over the soul of Snarley Bob. Her voice was
+hypnotic with all men, and Snarley yielded to it as to a spell.
+
+Another point which has its bearing on this, and also on what has to
+follow, is that Snarley had a passionate love for the song of the
+nightingale. The birds haunted the district in great numbers, and the
+time of their singing was the time when Snarley "let out his line" to
+its furthest limits. His love of the nightingale was coupled, strangely
+enough, with a hatred equally intense for the cuckoo. To the song of the
+cuckoo in early spring he was fairly tolerant; but in June, when, as
+everybody knows, "she changeth her tune," Snarley's rage broke forth
+into bitter persecution. He had invented a method of his own, which I
+shall not divulge, for snaring these birds; and whenever he caught them
+he promptly wrung their necks. For the same reason he would have been
+not unwilling to wring the necks of Lady Lottie Passingham and of the
+Literary Counterpart had they continued to pester him.
+
+Here then were the conditions from which we drew the materials for our
+conspiracy. Mrs. Abel, though at first reluctant, consented at last to
+play the active part in a new piece of experimental Snarleychology. It
+was determined that we would try our subject with poetry, and also that
+we would try him with "something big." For a long time we discussed what
+this something "big" was to be. Choice nearly fell on "A Grammarian's
+Funeral," but I am glad this was not adopted; for, though it represented
+very well our own views of Snarley Bob, I doubt if it would have
+appealed directly to the subject himself. At length one of us suggested
+Keats' "Ode to a Nightingale," to which the other immediately replied,
+"Why didn't we think of that before?" It was the very thing.
+
+But how were we to proceed? We knew very well that a deliberately
+planned attempt to "read something" to Snarley was sure to fail. He
+would suspect that we were "interested in him" in the way he always
+resented, or that we wanted to improve his mind, which was also a thing
+he could not bear. Still, we might practice a little artful deception.
+We might meet him together by accident in the quarry, as we had done
+before; and Mrs. Abel, after due preliminaries and a little leading-on
+about nightingales, might produce the volume from her pocket and read
+the poem. So it was arranged. But I think we parted that night with a
+feeling that we were going to do something ridiculous, and Mr. Abel told
+me quite frankly that we were a pair of precious fools.
+
+One lovely morning about the middle of April the desired meeting in the
+quarry was duly brought off. The lambing season was almost over, and
+Snarley was occupied in looking after a few belated ewes. We arrived, of
+course, separately; but there must have been something in our manner
+which put Snarley on his guard. He looked at us in turn with glances
+which plainly told that he suspected a planned attack on the isolation
+of his soul. Presently he lapsed into his most disagreeable manner, and
+his horse-like face began to wear a singularly brutal expression. It was
+one of his bad days; for some time he had evidently been "stuck in his
+skin," and probably intended to end his incarceration that very night by
+getting drunk. He was, in fact, determined to drive us away, and, though
+the presence of Mrs. Abel disarmed him of his worst insolence, he
+managed to become sufficiently unpleasant to make us both devoutly wish
+we were at the bottom of the hill. I shudder to think what would have
+happened in these circumstances to Lady Lottie Passingham or to the
+Literary Counterpart.
+
+The thing, however, had cost too much trouble to be lightly abandoned,
+and we did not relish the prospect of being greeted by peals of laughter
+if we returned defeated to the Rectory. In desperation, therefore, Mrs.
+Abel began to force the issue. "I'm told the nightingale was heard in
+the Rectory grounds last night, Snarley." "Nightingales be blowed,"
+replied the Subject. "I've no time to listen if there was a hundred
+singin'. I've been up with these blessed ewes three nights without a
+wink o' sleep, and we've lost two lambs as were got by 'Thunderbolt.'"
+"Well, some time, when you are not quite so busy, I want you to hear
+what a great man has written about the nightingale," said Mrs. Abel. She
+spoke in a rather forced voice, which suggested the persuasive tones of
+the village curate when addressing a church-full of naughty children at
+the afternoon service.
+
+"_I_ don't want to hear it," said Snarley, whose suspicions were now
+raised to certitude, "and, what's more, I _won't_ hear it. What's the
+good? If anybody's been talkin' about nightingales, it's sure to be
+rubbish. Nightingales is things you can't talk about, but only listen
+to. No, thank you, my lady. When I wants nightingales, I'll go and hear
+'em. I don't want to know what nobody had said about 'em. Besides, I've
+too much to think about with these 'ere ewes. There's one lyin' dead
+behind them stones as I've got to bury. She died last night;" and he
+began to ply us with disgusting details about the premature confinement
+of a sheep.
+
+It was all over. Mrs. Abel remounted her horse, and presently rode down
+the hill. When she had gone fifty yards or so, she took a little
+calf-bound volume of Keats from her pocket and held it aloft. The signal
+was not difficult to read. "Yes," it said, "we _are_ a pair of precious
+fools."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Five months elapsed, during which I neither saw nor much desired to see
+Mrs. Abel. The harvest was now gathered, and the event was to be
+celebrated by a "harvest home" in the Perrymans' big barn. They were
+kind enough to send me the usual invitation, which I accepted "with
+pleasure"--a phrase in which, for once in my frequent use of it, I spoke
+the truth. The prospect of going down to Deadborough served, of course,
+to revive the painful memory of our humiliating defeat. Looked at in the
+perspective of time, our enterprise stood out in all its essential
+folly. But I have frequently found that the contemplation of a past
+mistake has a strange tendency to cause its repetition; and it was so in
+this case. For it suddenly occurred to me that this "harvest home" might
+give us an opportunity for a flank attack on the soul of Snarley Bob,
+whereby we might retrieve the disaster of our frontal operations on
+Quarry Hill. I lost no time in divulging my plan in the proper quarters.
+Mrs. Abel replied exactly as Lambert did when Cromwell, "walking in the
+garden of Brocksmouth House," told him of that sudden bright idea for
+rolling up the Scottish army at Dunbar--"She had meant to say the same
+thing." The plan was simple enough; but had its execution rested with
+any other person than Mrs. Abel--with the Literary Counterpart, for
+example--it would have miscarried as completely as its fore-runner.
+
+The company assembled in the Perrymans' barn consisted of the labouring
+population of three large farms, men and women, all dressed in their
+Sunday best. To these were added, as privileged outsiders, his Reverence
+and Mrs. Abel, the popular stationmaster of Deadborough, Tom Barter--who
+supplied the victuals--and myself. Good meat, of course, was in
+abundance, and good drink also--the understanding with regard to the
+latter being that, though you might go the length of getting "pretty
+lively," you must stop short of getting drunk.
+
+The proceedings commenced in comparative silence, the rustics
+communicating with one another only by such whispers as might be
+perpetrated in church. But this did not last very long. From the moment
+the first turn was given to the tap in the cider-barrel, the attentive
+observer might have detected a rapid crescendo of human voices, which
+rose into a roar long before the end of the feast. When all had eaten
+their fill, songs were called for, and "Master" Perryman, of course, led
+off with "The Farmer's Boy."
+
+Others followed. I was struck by the fact that nearly all the songs were
+of an extremely melancholy nature--the chief objects celebrated by the
+Muse being withered flowers, little coffins, the corpses of sweethearts,
+last farewells, and hopeless partings on the lonely shore. Tears flow;
+ladies sigh; voices choke; hearts break; children die; lovers prove
+untrue. It was tragic, and I confess I could have wept myself--not at
+the songs, for they were stupid enough,--but to think of the grey
+lugubrious life whose keynote was all too truly struck by this morbid,
+melancholy stuff.
+
+Tom Barter, who had been in the army, and was just convalescent from a
+bad turn of _delirium tremens_, sang a song about a dying soldier,
+visited on his gory bed by a succession of white-robed spirits,
+including his little sister, his aged mother, and a young female with a
+babe, whom the dying hero appeared to have treated none too well.
+
+The song was vigorously encored, and Tom at once responded with a
+second--and I have no doubt, genuine--barrack-room ballad. The hero of
+this ditty is a "Lancer bold." He is duly wetted with tears before his
+departure for the wars; but is cheered up at the last moment by the
+lady's assurance that she will meet him on his return in "a carriage
+gay." Arrived at the front, he performs the usual prodigies: slashes his
+way through the smoke, spikes the enemy's guns, and spears
+"Afghanistan's chieftains" right and left. He then returns to England,
+dreaming of wedding bells, and we next see him on the deck of a
+troop-ship, scanning the expectant throng on the shore and asking
+himself, "Where, oh where, is that carriage gay?" Of course, it isn't
+there, and the disconsolate Lancer at once repairs to the "smiling"
+village whence the lady had intended to issue in the carriage. Here he
+is met by "a jet-black hearse with nodding plumes," seeks information
+from the weeping bystanders, and has his worst suspicions confirmed. He
+compares the gloomy vehicle before him with the "carriage gay" of his
+dreams, and, having sufficiently elaborated the contrast, resolves to
+end his blighted existence on the lady's grave. How he spends the next
+interval is not told; but towards midnight we find him in the churchyard
+with his "trusty" weapon in his hand. This, in keeping with the unities,
+should have been a lance; but apparently the Lancer was armed on some
+mixed principle known to the War Office, and allowed to take his pick of
+weapons before going on leave; for presently a shot rings out, and one
+of England's stoutest champions is no more.
+
+During the singing of this song I noticed a poorly clad girl, with a
+sweet, intelligent face, put a handkerchief to her mouth and stifle a
+sob. She quietly made her way towards the barn door, and presently
+slipped out into the night.
+
+The thing had not escaped the notice of Snarley Bob, and I could see
+wrath in his eyes. Being near him, I asked what it meant. "By God!" he
+said, "it's a good job for Tom Barter as the rheumatiz has crippled my
+old hands. If I could only double my fist, I'd put a mark on his silly
+jaw as 'ud stop him singing that song for many a day to come. Not that
+there's any sense in it. But it's just because there's no sense in 'em
+that such songs oughtn't to be sung. See that young woman go out just
+now? Well, she's in a decline, and knows as she can't last very long.
+And she's got a young man in India--in the same battery as our Bill--as
+nice and straight a lad as ever you see."
+
+Another song was called "Fallen Leaves," the singer being a son of Peter
+Shott, the local preacher--a young man of dissipated appearance, with a
+white face and an excellent tenor voice. This song, of course, was a
+disquisition on the evanescence of all things here below. Each verse
+began "I saw," and ended with the refrain:
+
+    "Fallen leaves, fallen leaves!
+    With woe untold my bosom heaves,
+    Fallen leaves, fallen leaves!"
+
+"I saw," said the song, a mixed assortment of decaying glories--among
+them, a pair of lovers on a seat, a Christmas family party, a rosebush,
+a railway accident on Bank Holiday, a rake's deathbed, a battlefield, an
+oak tree in its pride, and the same oak in process of being converted by
+an undertaker into a coffin for the poet's only friend. All these and
+many more the poet "saw" and buried in his fallen leaves, assuring the
+world that his bosom heaved with woe untold for every one of them.
+
+Tom Barter, who was the leading emotionalist in the parish, was visibly
+affected, his bosom heaving in a manner which the poet himself could not
+have excelled; while his poor anaemic wife, who had hesitated about
+coming to the feast because her eye was still discoloured from the blow
+Tom had given her last week, feebly expressed the hope "that it would do
+him good."
+
+So it went on. Whatever jocund rebecks may have sounded in the England
+of long ago, their strains found no echo in the funeral ditties of the
+Perrymans' feast.
+
+Snarley Bob, in whom the drink had kindled some hankering for eternal
+splendours, was well content with the singing of "The Farmer's Boy," and
+joined in the chorus with the remnants of a once mighty voice. After
+that he became restless and increasingly snappish; his face darkened at
+"Fallen Leaves," and he began to look positively dangerous when a young
+man who was a railway porter in town, now home for a holiday, made a
+ghastly attempt at merriment by singing a low-class music-hall catch.
+What he would have done or said I do not know, for at that moment the
+announcement was made which the reader has been expecting--that Mrs.
+Abel would give a recitation.
+
+"Now," said Snarley to his neighbour, "we shall have summat like." His
+whole being sprang to attention. He rapidly knocked out the ashes of his
+pipe, refilled, and lit; and, folding his arms before him on the table,
+leant forward to listen. For my part, I took a convenient station where
+I could watch Snarley, as Hamlet watched the king in the play. He was
+far too intent on Mrs. Abel to notice me.
+
+The barn was dimly lighted, and the speaker, standing far back from the
+end of the table, was in deep shadow and almost invisible. Has the
+reader ever heard a voice which trembles with emotions gathered up from
+countless generations of human experience--a voice in which the memories
+of ages, the designs of Nature, the woes and triumphs of evolving worlds
+become articulate; a voice that speaks a language not of words, but of
+things, transmuting the eternal laws to tones, and pouring into the soul
+by their means a stream of solicitations to the secret springs of the
+buried life? Such voices there are: Wordsworth heard one of them in the
+song of "The Solitary Reaper." In such a voice, rolling forth from the
+shadows, and in exquisite articulation, there came to us these words:
+
+    "My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness steals my sense,
+      As though of hemlock I had drunk,
+    Or emptied some dull opiate to the drains,
+      One minute past, and Lethewards had sunk."
+
+The noisy crew were hushed: silence fell like a palpable thing. Snarley
+Bob shifted his position: he raised his arms from the table, grasped his
+chin with his right hand; with his left he took the pipe from his mouth,
+and pointed its stem at the speaker; his features relaxed, and then
+fixed into the immobility of the worshipping saint.
+
+Observation was difficult; for I, too, was half hypnotised by the voice
+from the shadows; but what I remember I will tell.
+
+The voice has now finished the second verse, and is entering the third,
+the note slightly raised, and with a tone like that of a wailing wind:
+
+    "That I might drink and leave the world unseen,
+      And, with thee, fade away into the forest dim.
+
+    Fade far away, dissolve, and quite forget
+      What thou among the leaves hast never known."
+
+Snarley Bob rises erect in his place, still holding his chin with his
+right hand, and with the left pointing his pipe, as before, at the
+speaker. The rigid arm is trembling violently, and Snarley, with
+half-open mouth, is drawing his breath in gulps. Someone, his wife I
+think, tries to make him sit down. He detaches his right hand, and
+violently thrusts her away.
+
+For some minutes he remains in this attitude. The verse:
+
+    "Thou wast not born for death, immortal bird,"
+
+is now reached, and I can see that violent tremors are passing through
+Snarley's frame. His head has sunk towards his breast, and is shaking;
+his right arm has fallen to his side, the fingers hooked as though he
+would clench his fist. Thus he stands, his head jerking now and then
+into an upright position, and shaking more and more. He has ceased to
+point at the speaker; the pipe is on the table. Thus to the end.
+
+Somebody claps; another feebly knocks his glass on the board; there is a
+general whisper of "Hush!" Snarley Bob has sunk on to the bench; he
+folds his arms on the table, rests his head upon them as a tired man
+would do; a tremor shakes him once or twice; then he closes his eyes,
+and is still. He has apparently fallen asleep.
+
+No one, save myself, has paid much attention to Snarley, who is at the
+end of the room furthest from Mrs. Abel. But now his attitude is
+noticed, and somebody says, "Hullo, Snarley's had a drop too much this
+time. Give him a shake-up, missis."
+
+The "shake-up," however, is not needed. For Snarley, after a few minutes
+of apparent sleep, raises his head, looks round him, and again stands
+upright. A flood of incoherencies, spoken in a high-pitched, whining
+voice, pours from his lips. Now and then comes a clear sentence, mingled
+with fragments of the poem--these in a startling reproduction of Mrs.
+Abel's tones--thus: "The gentleman's callin' for drink. Why don't they
+bring him drink? Here, young woman, bring him a pint o' ale, and put
+three-ha'porth of gin in it--the door's openin', and he's goin' through.
+He'll soon be there--
+
+    "'Fade far away, dissolve, and quite forget
+        What thou among the leaves hast never known.'
+
+All right--it's bloomin' well all right--don't give him any more.
+
+    "'Now more than ever seems it rich to die,
+        To cease upon the midnight with no pain.'
+
+--It's the Passing Bell.--What are they ringing it for?--He's not
+dead--he'll come back again when he's ready.--Stop 'em ringing that
+bell!
+
+    "'Forlorn! the very word is like a bell
+        To toll me back from thee to my sole self.'
+
+All right--he's comin' back.--Nightingales!--Who wants to hear about a
+lot o' bloomin' nightingales. _I_ don't. _I'm_ all right--get me a cup
+o' tea.--It's Tom Barter who's drunk, not me!
+
+    "'Where beauty cannot keep her lustrous eyes,
+        Or new love pine at them beyond to-morrow.'
+
+The mail goes o' Fridays--K Battery, Peshawur, Punjaub--O my God, let
+Bill tell him!--Shut up, you blasted old fool, or I'll knock yer silly
+head off! _You'll_ never get there!--What do _you_ know about
+nightingales? I heard 'em singin' for hundreds and thousands of years
+before _you_ were born:
+
+    "'Thou was not born for death, immortal bird,
+      No hungry generations tread thee down;
+    The voice I heard this passing night was heard
+      In ancient days, by Emperor and clown:
+    Perhaps the self-same voice that found a path
+      Through the sad heart of Ruth, when, sick for home,
+        She stood in tears amid the alien corn,
+          The same that ofttimes hath
+      Charmed magic casements, opening on the foam
+        Of perilous seas, in faery lands forlorn.'"
+
+The whole of this verse was a reproduction of Mrs. Abel's rendering,
+spoken in a voice not unlike hers, and with scarcely the falter of a
+syllable. It was followed by a few seconds of incoherent babble, at the
+end of which tremors again broke out over Snarley's body; he swayed to
+and fro, and his head fell forward on his chest. "Catch hold of him, or
+he'll fall," cried somebody. Then a medley of voices--"Give him a drop
+of brandy!" "No, don't you see he's dead drunk a'ready?" "Drunk! not
+'im. Do you think he could imitate Mrs. Abel like that if he was drunk?"
+"Take them gels out o' the barn as quick as you can!" "If she don't stop
+shriekin' when you get 'er home, throw a bucket o' cold water over her.
+It's only 'isterics." "Well, I've seed a lot o' queer things in my time,
+and I've knowed Snarley to do some rum tricks, but I never seed nowt
+like _that_." "Oh dear, sir, I never felt so upset in all my life. It
+isn't _right_! Somebody ought to ha' stopped 'im. I wonder Mr. Abel
+didn't interfere." "That there poem o' Mrs. Abel's was a'most too much
+for me. But to think o' _him_ gettin' up like that! It must be Satan
+that's got into him." "It's a awful thing to 'ave a man like that livin'
+in the next cottage to your own. I'll be frightened out o' my wits when
+my master's not at 'ome." "They ought to _do_ something to 'im--I've
+said so many a time."
+
+And then the voice of Snarley's wife as she chafed her husband's hands:
+"No, sir, don't you believe 'em when they say he's drunk. He's only had
+two glasses of cider and half a glass o' beer. You can see the other
+half in his glass now. I counted 'em myself. And it takes quarts to make
+'im tipsy. It's a sort of trance, sir, as he's had. I've knowed him like
+this two or three times before. He was _just_ like it after he'd been to
+hear Sir Robert Ball on the stars, sir--worse, if anythin'. He's gettin'
+better now; but I'm afraid he'll be terrible upset."
+
+Snarley had opened his eyes, and was looking vacantly and sleepily round
+him. "I'll go home," was all he said. He got up and walked rather
+shakily, but without assistance, out of the barn.
+
+A few minutes later Mrs. Abel came up to me. "We were fools five months
+ago," she said; "but what are we now?"
+
+"Criminals, most likely," I replied.
+
+"And if you do it again, you'll be murderers," said Mr. Abel, in a tone
+of severity.
+
+
+
+
+A MIRACLE
+
+I
+
+
+In early life Chandrapal had been engaged in the practice of the law,
+and had held a position of some honour under the Crown. But as the years
+wore on the ties which bound him to the world of sense were severed one
+by one, and he was now released. By the study of the Vedanta, by ascetic
+discipline, and by the daily practice of meditation undertaken at
+regular hours, he had attained the Great Peace; and those who knew the
+signs of such attainment reverenced him as a holy man. His influence was
+great, his fidelity was unquestioned, and his fame as a teacher and sage
+had been carried far beyond his native land.
+
+Chandrapal was versed in the lore of the West. He had studied the
+history, the politics, the literature and philosophy of the great
+nations, and could quote their poets and their sages with copiousness
+and aptitude. He had written a commentary on _Faust_. He also read, and
+sometimes expounded, the New Testament; and he held the Christian Gospel
+in high esteem.
+
+Among the philosophers of the West it was Spinoza to whom he gave the
+place of highest honour. Regarding the Great Peace as the ultimate
+object of human attainment, he held that Spinoza alone had found a clear
+path to the goal; since then European thought had been continually
+decadent.
+
+Though far advanced in life, Chandrapal had never seen Western
+civilisation face to face until the year when we are about to meet him.
+He travelled to America by way of Japan, and Vancouver was the first
+Western city in which he set his foot. There he looked around him with
+bewildered eyes, gaining no clear impression, save in the negative sense
+that the city contained nothing to remind him of Spinoza or of the
+Nazarene. It was not that he expected to find a visible embodiment of
+their teaching in everything he saw; Chandrapal was too wise for that.
+But he hoped that somewhere and in some form the Truth, which for him
+these teachers symbolised in common, would show itself as a living
+thing. It might be that he would see it on some human face; or he might
+feel it in the atmosphere; or he might hear it in the voice of a man.
+Chandrapal knew that he had much to see and to discover; but in all his
+travels it was for this that he kept incessant watch.
+
+From Vancouver he passed south to San Francisco; thence, city by city,
+he threaded his way across the United States and found himself in New
+York. All that he had seen so far gathered itself into one vast picture
+of a world fast bound in the chains of error and groaning for
+deliverance from its misery. In New York the misery seemed to deepen and
+the groanings to redouble. But of this he said nothing. He let the
+universities fete him; he let the millionaires entertain him in their
+great houses; he delivered lectures on the wisdom of the East, and,
+though a kindly criticism would now and then escape him, he gave no hint
+of his great pity for Western men. He was the most courteous, the most
+delightful of guests.
+
+Arrived in England, he received the same impression and practised the
+same reserve. Wherever he went a rumour spread before him, and men
+waited for his coming as though the ancient mysteries were about to be
+unsealed. The curious cross-examined him; the bewildered appealed to
+him; the poor heard him gladly, and famished souls, eager for a morsel
+of comfort from the groaning table of the East, hovered about his steps.
+He preached in churches where the wandering prophet is welcomed; he
+broke bread with the kings of knowledge and of song; he sat in the seats
+of the mighty and received honour as one to whom honour is due.
+
+To all this he responded with a gratitude which was sincere; but his
+deeper gratitude was for the Powers by whose ordering he had been born
+neither an Englishman nor a Christian, but a Hindu.
+
+Here, as in America, he looked about him observingly and pondered the
+meaning of what he saw. But he understood it not, and went hither and
+thither like a man in a dream. In his Indian home he had studied Western
+civilisation from the books which tell of its mighty works and its
+religion; and, so studied, it had seemed to him an intelligible thing.
+But, seen with the naked eye, it appeared incomprehensible, nay,
+incredible. Its bigness oppressed him, its variety confused him, its
+restlessness made him numb. Values seemed to be inverted, perspectives
+to be distorted, good and evil to be transposed: "in" meant "out," and
+Death did duty for Life. Chandrapal could not take the point of view,
+and finally concluded there was no point of view to take. He could not
+frame his visions into coherence, and therefore judged that he was
+looking at chaos. Sometimes he would doubt the reality of what he saw,
+and would recollect himself and seek for evidence that he was awake.
+"Can such things be?" he would say to himself; "for this people has
+turned all things upside down. Their happiness is misery, their wisdom
+is bewilderment, their truth is self-deception, their speech is a
+disguise, their science is the parent of error, their life is a process
+of suicide, their god is the worm that dieth not and the fire that is
+not quenched. What is believed is not professed, and what is professed
+is not believed. In yonder place"--he was looking at London--"there is
+darkness and misery enough for seven hells. Verily they have already
+come to judgment and been condemned."
+
+So thought Chandrapal. But his mistake, if it was one, offended nobody;
+for he held his peace about these things.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+There came a day when the folk of Deadborough were started from their
+wonted apathy by the apparition of a Strange Man. They saw him first as
+he drove from the station in a splendid carriage-and-pair, with a
+coronet on its panels. Seated in the carriage was a venerable being with
+a swarthy countenance and headgear of the whitest--such was the brief
+vision. Other carriages followed in due course, for there was an
+illustrious house-party at Deadborough Hall--the owner of which was not
+only a slayer of pheasants, but a reader of books and a student of
+things. He had gathered together the Bishop of the Diocese, a Cabinet
+Minister, two eminent philosophers, the American Ambassador, a leading
+historian, and a Writer on the Mystics. To these was added--for he
+deserves a sentence to himself--an Orientalist of world-wide reputation.
+All were gathered for the purpose of meeting Chandrapal.
+
+By the charm of his manners, by his urbanity, by his brilliant and
+thought-provoking conversation, the Oriental repaid his host a hundred
+times over. To most of his fellow-guests he played the part of teacher,
+while seeming to act that of disciple; but to none was his manner so
+deferential and his air of attention so profound as to the great
+Orientalist. And yet in the secret heart of Chandrapal this was the man
+for whom he felt the deepest compassion. He found, indeed, that the
+great man's reputation had not belied him; he was versed in the wisdom
+of the East and in the tongues which had spoken it; he knew the path to
+the Great Peace as well as the sage knew it himself; but when Chandrapal
+looked into his restless eyes and heard the hard tones of his voice, he
+perceived that no soul on earth was further from the Great Peace than
+this.
+
+With the two philosophers Chandrapal spent many hours in close debate.
+He spoke to them of the Bhagavad Gita and of Spinoza. He found that of
+the Bhagavad Gita they knew little--and they cared less. Of Spinoza they
+knew much and understood nothing--thus thought he. So he turned to other
+topics and conversed fluently on the matters dearest to their
+hearts--namely, their own works, with which he was well acquainted.
+They, on their part, had never met a listener more sympathetic, a critic
+more acute. Chandrapal left upon them the impression of his immense
+capacity for assimilating the products of Western thought; also the
+belief that they had thoroughly rifled his brains.
+
+Meanwhile he was thinking thus within himself: "These men are keepers of
+shops, like the rest of their nation. Their merchandise is the thoughts
+of God, which they defile with wordy traffic, understanding them not.
+They have no reverence for their masters; their souls are poisoned with
+self; therefore the Light is not in them, and they know not the good
+from the evil. The word of the Truth is on their lips, but it lives not
+in their hearts. Moreover, they are robbers; and even as their fathers
+stole my country so they would capture the secrets of my soul--that they
+may sell them for money and increase their traffic. But to none such
+shall the treasure be given. I will walk with them in the outer courts;
+but the innermost chamber they shall not so much as see."
+
+With the Cabinet Minister Chandrapal had this in common--that both were
+lawyers and servants of the Crown. Thus a basis of intercourse was
+established--were it only in the fact that each man understood the
+official reserve of the other. The first day of their acquaintance was
+passed by each in reconnoitring the other's position and deciding on a
+plan of campaign. The Minister concluded that there were three burning
+topics which it would be unwise to discuss with Chandrapal. Chandrapal
+perceived what these topics were, knew the Minister's reasons for
+avoiding them, and reflected with some satisfaction that they were
+matters on which he also had no desire to talk. His real object was to
+penetrate the Minister's mind in quite another direction, and he saw
+that this astute diplomatist had not the slightest suspicion of what he
+was after. This, of course, gave the tactical advantage to the Indian.
+
+Now Chandrapal was more subtle than all the guests in Deadborough Hall.
+With great adroitness he managed to introduce the very topics on which,
+as he well knew, the Minister had resolved not to express himself; but
+he took care on each occasion to provide the other with an opportunity
+for talking about something else. This something else had been carefully
+chosen by Chandrapal, and it was a line of escape which led by very
+gradual approaches to the thing he wanted to find out. The Minister had
+won a great reputation in beating the diplomatists of Europe at their
+own game; but he had never before directly encountered the subtlety of
+an Oriental mind. Stepping aside from the dangerous spots to which the
+other was continually leading him, he put his foot on each occasion into
+the real trap; and thus, by the end of the third day, he had revealed
+what the Indian valued more than all the secrets of the British Cabinet.
+Meanwhile the Minister had conceived an intense dislike to Chandrapal,
+which he disguised under a mask he had long used for such purposes; at
+the same time he flattered himself on the ease with which he outwitted
+this wily man.
+
+Chandrapal, on his side, reflected thus: "Behold the misery of them that
+know not the Truth. This man flatters the people; but in his heart he
+despises them. Those whom he leads he knows to be blind, and his trade
+is to persuade them that they can see. The Illusion has made them mad;
+none sees whither he is going; the next step may plunge them all into
+the pit; they live for they know not what. All this is known to yonder
+man; and, being unenlightened, he has no way of escape, but yields to
+his destiny, which is, that he shall be the bond-servant of lies." In
+short, the discovery which the Oriental believed himself to have made
+was this--that neither the Great Man before him, nor the millions whom
+he led, had the faintest conception of the Meaning of Life; and,
+further, that the Great Man was aware of his ignorance and troubled by
+it, whereas the millions knew it not and were at their ease.
+
+With the Writer on Mystics he was reserved to the point of coldness. In
+this man's presence Chandrapal felt that he was being regarded as an
+"interesting case" for analysis. So he wrapped himself in a mantle
+impervious to professional scrutiny, and gave answers which could not be
+worked up into a chapter for any book. The Writer was disappointed in
+Chandrapal, and Chandrapal had no satisfaction in the Writer. "This
+man," he thought, "has studied the Light until he has become blind. He
+would speak of the things which belong to Silence. He is the most deeply
+entangled of them all."
+
+Fortunately for Chandrapal, there were children in the house, and these
+alone succeeded in finding the path to his heart. There was one Little
+Fellow of five years who continually haunted the drawing-room when he
+was there, hiding behind screens or the backs of arm-chairs, and staring
+at the Strange Man with wide eyes and finger in mouth. One day, when he
+was reading, the Little Fellow crept up to his chair on hands and knees
+and began industriously rubbing the dark wrist of the Indian with his
+wetted finger. "It dothn't come off," said the Little Fellow. From that
+moment he and the Strange Man became the fastest of friends and were
+seldom far apart.
+
+Except for this companionship it may be said that never since leaving
+his native land was the spirit of Chandrapal more solitary nor more
+aloof from the things and the persons around him. Never did he despair
+so utterly of beholding that which he was most eager to find. Only when
+in the company of the Little Fellow, and in the hours reserved for
+meditation, was he able to shake off the sense of oppression and recover
+the balance of his soul. At these times he would quit the talkers and go
+forth alone into unfrequented places. Nowhere else, he thought, could a
+land be found more inviting than this to those moods of inward silence
+and content, whence the soul may pass, at a single step, into the
+ineffable beatitude of the Great Peace. Full, now, of the sense of
+harmony between himself and his visible environment, he would penetrate
+as far as he could into the forests and the hills. He would take his
+seat beside the brook; he would say to himself in his own tongue, "This
+water has been flowing all night long," and at the thought his mind
+would sink deep into itself; and presently the trees, the rocks, the
+fields, the skies, nay, his own body, would seem to melt into the
+movement of the flowing stream, and the Self of Chandrapal, freed from
+all entanglements and poised at the centre of Being, would gaze on the
+River of Eternal Flux.
+
+One day, while thus engaged, standing on a bridge which carried a
+by-road over the stream, a shock passed through him: the stillness was
+broken as by thunder, the vision fled, and the entanglements fell over
+him like a gladiator's net. A motor, coming round a dangerous bend, had
+just missed him; and he stood covered with dust. Chandrapal saw and
+understood, and then, closing his eyes and making a mighty effort, shook
+the entanglements from his soul, and sank back swiftly upon the Centre
+of Poise.
+
+The car stopped, and a white-haired woman alighted. A moment later there
+was a touch on the arm, and a human voice was calling to him from the
+world of shadows. "I beg a thousand pardons," said Mrs. Abel; "the
+driver was careless. Thank Heaven, you are unhurt; but the thing is an
+injury, and you are a stranger. My house is here; come with me, and you
+shall have water."
+
+What more was said I do not know. But when some hours later Chandrapal
+returned on foot to the Hall he walked lightly, for the load of pity had
+been lifted from his heart. To one who was with him he said: "The Wisdom
+of the Nazarene still lives in this land, but it is hidden and obscure,
+and those who would find it must search far and long, as I have
+searched. Why are the Enlightened so few; for the Truth is simple and
+near at hand? The light is here, 'but the darkness comprehendeth it
+not.' Is not that so? The men in yonder house, who will soon be talking,
+are the slaves of their own tongues; but this woman with the voice of
+music is the mistress of her speech. They are of the darkness: she of
+the light. But perhaps," he added, "she is not of your race."
+
+Thus the Thing for which Chandrapal had never ceased to watch since his
+foot touched Western soil was first revealed to him; thus also the
+secret of his own heart, which he had guarded so long from the intrusion
+of the "wise," was first suffered to escape. He had lit his beacon and
+seen the answering fire.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Several months elapsed, during which Chandrapal continued his travels,
+visiting the capitals of Europe, interviewing German Professors, and
+seeing more and more of the Great Illusion (for so he deemed it) which
+is called "Progress" in the West. He met reformers everywhere, and
+studied their schemes for amending the world; he heard debates in many
+parliaments, and did obeisance to several kings; he visited the
+institutions where day by day the wounded are brought from the battle,
+and where medicaments are poured into the running sores of Society; he
+went to churches, and heard every conceivable variety of Christian
+doctrine; he sat in the lecture-halls of socialists, secularists,
+anarchists, and irreconcilables of every sort; he made acquaintance with
+the inventors of new religions; he saw the Modern Drama in London,
+Paris, Berlin, and Vienna; he attended political meetings and listened
+to great orators; he was taken to reviews and beheld the marching of
+Armies and the manoeuvring of Fleets; he was shown an infinity of
+devices for making wheels go round, and was told of coming inventions
+that would turn them faster still. All these and many more such things
+passed in vision before him; but nothing stirred his admiration, nothing
+provoked his envy, nothing disturbed his fixed belief that Western
+civilization was an air-born bubble and a consummation not to be
+desired.
+
+"The disease of this people is incurable," he thought, "because they are
+ignorant of the Origin of Sorrow. Hence they heal their woe at one end
+and augment its sources at the other. But as for me, I will hold my
+peace; for there is none here, no, not even the wisest, who would hear
+or understand. Never will the Light break forth upon them till the East
+has again conquered the West."
+
+
+
+
+A MIRACLE
+
+II
+
+
+When all these things had been accomplished Chandrapal was again in
+Deadborough--a guest at the Rectory. It was Billy Rowe, an urchin of
+ten, who informed me of the arrival. Billy had just been let out of
+school, and was in the act of picking up a stone to throw at Lina Potts,
+whom he bitterly hated, when the Rectory carriage drove past the village
+green. At once every hand, including Billy's, went promptly to the
+corner of its owner's mouth, hoops were suspended in mid-career, and
+half-sucked lollipops, in process of transference from big sisters to
+little brothers were allowed an interval for getting dry. The carriage
+passed; stones, hoops, and lollipops resumed their circulation, and by
+five o'clock in the afternoon the news of Chandrapal's arrival was
+waiting for the returning labourer in every cottage in Deadborough.
+
+That night I repaired to the Nag's Head, for I knew that the arrival
+would have a favourable effect on the size of the "house." I am not
+addicted, let me say, to Tom Barter's vile liquors; but I have some
+fondness for the psychology of a village pub, and I was in hopes that
+the conversation in this instance would be instructive. An unusually
+large company was assembled, and to that extent I was not disappointed.
+But in respect of the conversation it must be confessed that I drew a
+blank. The tongues of the talkers seemed to be paralysed by the very
+event which I had hoped would set them all wagging. It was evident that
+every man present had come in the hopes that his neighbour would have
+something to say about Chandrapal, and thus provide an opening for his
+own eloquence. But nobody gave a lead, the whole company being
+apparently in presence of a speech-defying portent. At last I broke the
+ice by an allusion to the arrival. "Ah," said one. "Oh," said another.
+"Indeed," said a third. "You don't say so," said a fourth. At length one
+venturesome spirit remarked, "I hear as he's a great man in his own
+country." "I dare say he is," replied the village butcher, with the air
+of one to whom the question of human greatness was a matter of absolute
+indifference. That was the end. Shortly afterwards I left, and presently
+overtook Snarley Bob, who had preceded me. "Did you ever see such a lot
+o' tongue-tied lunatics?" said Snarley. "What made them silent?" I
+asked. "They'd got too much to say," answered Snarley, and then added,
+rather mischievously, "They were only waitin' to begin till _you'd_
+gone. If you was to go back now, you'd hear 'em barkin' like a pack o'
+hounds."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Among the many good offices for which Snarley had to thank Mrs. Abel,
+not the least was her systematic protection of him from the intrusions
+of the curious. Plenty of people had heard of him, and there were not
+wanting many who were anxious to put his soul under the scalpel, in the
+interests of Science. Mrs. Abel was the channel through which they
+usually attempted to act. But she knew very well that the thing was
+futile, not to say dangerous. For some of the instincts of the wild
+animal had survived in Snarley, of which perhaps the most marked was his
+refusal to submit to the scrutiny of human eyes. To study him was almost
+as difficult as to study the tiger in the jungle. At the faintest sound
+of inquisitive footsteps he would retreat, hiding himself in some place,
+or, more frequently, in some manner, whither it was almost impossible to
+follow; and if, as sometimes happened, his pursuers pressed hard and
+sought to drive him out of his fastness, he would break out upon them in
+a way for which they were not prepared, and give them a shock which
+effectually forbade all further attempts. Such a result was unprofitable
+to Science and injurious to Snarley. For these reasons Mrs. Abel had
+come to a definite conclusion that the cause of Science was not to be
+advanced by introducing its votaries to Snarley Bob; and when they came
+to the Rectory, as they sometimes did, she abstained from mentioning his
+name, failed to answer when questioned, and took care, so far as she
+could, that the old man should be left undisturbed.
+
+But the reasons which led to this decision had no force in the case of
+Chandrapal. She was certain that Chandrapal would not treat Snarley as a
+mere abnormal specimen of human nature, a _corpus vile_ for scientific
+investigation. She knew that the two men had something, nay, much, in
+common; and she believed that the ground of intercourse would be
+established the instant that Snarley heard the stranger's voice.
+
+Nevertheless, the matter was difficult. It was well-nigh impossible to
+determine the conditions under which Snarley would be at his best, and,
+whatever arrangements were made, his animal shyness might spoil them
+all. To take him by surprise was known to be dangerous; and we had
+already found to our cost that the attempt to deceive him by the
+pretence of an accidental meeting was pretty certain to end in disaster.
+How Mrs. Abel succeeded in bringing the thing off I don't know. There
+may have been bribery and corruption (for Snarley's character had not
+been formed from the fashion-books of any known order of mystics), and,
+though I saw nothing to suggest this method, I know nothing to exclude
+it--as a working hypothesis. But be that as it may, the arrangement was
+made that on a certain Wednesday evening Snarley was to come down to the
+Rectory and attend in the garden for the coming of Chandrapal. I had
+already learnt to regard Mrs. Abel as a worker of miracles to whom few
+things were impossible; but this conquest of Snarley's reluctance to be
+interviewed, and in a manner so exceptional, has always impressed me as
+one of her greatest achievements. If the reader had known the old
+shepherd only in his untransfigured state--when, in his own phrase, he
+was "stuck in his skin"--I venture to say he would as soon have thought
+of asking a grisly bear to afternoon tea in his drawing-room as of
+inviting Snarley Bob to meet an Indian sage in a rectory garden. But the
+arrangement was made--whether by the aid of Beelzebub or the attractions
+of British gold, no man will ever know.
+
+Nothing in connection with Snarley had ever interested me so much as the
+possible outcome of this strange interview; so that, when informed of
+what was going to happen, I sent a telegram to Mrs. Abel asking
+permission to be on the spot--not, of course, as a witness of the
+interview but as a guest in the house. The reply was favourable, and on
+Tuesday afternoon I was at Deadborough.
+
+I had some talk with Chandrapal, and I could see that he was not pleased
+at my coming. He asked me at once why I was there, and, on receiving a
+not very ingenuous answer, he became reserved and distant. Indeed, his
+whole manner reminded me forcibly of the bearing of Snarley Bob on the
+occasion of our ludicrous attempt on Quarry Hill to introduce him to the
+poetry of Keats. I had come prepared to ask him a question; but I had no
+sooner reached the point than the whole fashion of the man was suddenly
+changed. His face, which usually wore an expression of quiet dignity,
+seemed to degenerate into a mass of coarse but powerful features, so
+that, had I seen him thus at a first meeting, I should have thought at
+once, "This man is a sensualist and a ruffian!" His answers were
+distinctly rude; he said the question was foolish (probably it
+was)--that people had been pestering him with that kind of thing ever
+since he left India; in short, he gave me to understand that he regarded
+me as a nuisance. I had never before seen in him any approach to this
+manner; indeed, I had continually marvelled at his patience with fools,
+his urbanity with bores, and his willingness to give of his best to
+those who had nothing to give in return.
+
+As the evening wore on he seemed to realise what he had done, and was
+evidently troubled. For my part, I had decided to leave next morning,
+for I thought that my presence in the house was disturbing him, and
+would perhaps spoil the chances of tomorrow's interview. Of this I had
+breathed no hint to anyone, and I was therefore greatly surprised when
+he said to me after dinner, "I charge you to remain in this house. There
+is no reason for going away. I was not myself this afternoon; but it has
+passed and will not return. Come now, let us go out into the woods."
+
+Mrs. Abel came with us. Her object in coming was to guide our walk in
+some direction where we were not likely to encounter Snarley Bob, whose
+haunts she knew, and whom it was not desirable that we should meet
+before the appointed time; for the nightingales were now in full song,
+and Snarley was certain to be abroad. We therefore took a path which led
+in an opposite direction to that in which his cottage lay.
+
+Chandrapal had his own ways of feeling and responding to the influences
+of Nature--ways which are not ours. No words of admiration escaped him;
+but, on entering the woods where the birds were singing he said, "The
+sounds are harmonious with thought." There was no mistaking the hint.
+
+Guided by the singing of the birds, we turned into an unfrequented lane,
+bordered by elms. The evening was dull, damp, and windless, and the air
+lay stagnant between the high banks of the lane. We walked on in
+complete silence, Chandrapal a few yards in front; none of us felt any
+desire to speak. Three nightingales were singing at intervals: one at
+some distance in the woods ahead of us, two immediately to our right.
+Whether it was due to the dampness in the air or the song of the birds,
+I cannot tell; but I felt the "drowsy numbness," of which the poet
+speaks, stealing upon me irresistibly. We presently crossed a stile into
+the fields; and as I sat for a moment on the rail the drowsiness almost
+overcame me, and I wondered if I could escape from my companions and
+find some spot whereon to lie down and go to sleep. It required some
+effort to proceed, and I could see that Mrs. Abel was affected in a
+similar manner.
+
+By crossing the stile we had disturbed one of the birds, and we had to
+wait some minutes before its song again broke out much further to the
+right. For some reason of his own Chandrapal had found this bird the
+best songster of the three; and, wishing to get as near as possible, he
+again led the way and gave us a sign to follow. We cautiously skirted
+the hedge, making our way towards a point on the opposite side of the
+field where there was a gate, and beyond this, in the next field, a shed
+of some sort where we might stand concealed.
+
+We passed the gate, turned into the shed, and were immediately
+confronted by Snarley Bob.
+
+Both Mrs. Abel and I were alarmed. We knew that Snarley Bob when
+disturbed at such a moment was apt to be exceedingly dangerous, and we
+remembered that it was precisely such a disturbance as this which had
+brought him some years ago within measurable distance of committing
+murder. Nor was his demeanour reassuring. The instant he saw us, he rose
+from the shaft of the cart on which he had been seated, smoking his
+pipe, and took a dozen rapid steps out of the shed. Then he paused, just
+as a startled horse would do, turned half round, and eyed us sidelong
+with as fierce and ugly a look as any human face could wear. Then he
+began to stride rapidly to and fro in front of the shed, stamping his
+feet whenever he turned, and keeping his eyes fixed on the swarthy
+countenance of Chandrapal, with an expression of the utmost ferocity.
+
+Chandrapal retained his composure. Whatever sudden shock he may have
+felt had passed immediately, and he was now standing in an attitude of
+deep attention, following the movement of Snarley Bob and meeting his
+glance without once lowering his eyes. His calmness was infectious. I
+felt that he was master of the situation, and I knew that in a few
+moments Snarley's paroxysm would pass.
+
+It did pass; but in a manner we did not expect. Snarley, on his side,
+had begun to abate his rapid march; once or twice he hesitated, paused,
+turned around; and the worst was already over when Chandrapal, lifting
+his thin hands above his head, pronounced in slow succession four words
+of some strange tongue. What they meant I cannot tell; it is not likely
+they formed any coherent sentence: they were more like words of command
+addressed by an officer to troops on parade, or by a rider to his horse.
+Their effect on Snarley was instantaneous. Turning full round, he drew
+himself erect and faced us in an attitude of much dignity. Every trace
+of his brutal expression slowly vanished; his huge features contracted
+to the human size; the rents of passion softened into lines of thought;
+wisdom and benignity sat upon his brows; and he was calm and still as
+the Sphinx in the desert.
+
+Snarley stood with his hands linked behind his back, looking straight
+before him into the distance; and Chandrapal, without changing his
+attitude, was watching him as before. As the two men stood there in
+silence, my impression was, and still is, that they were in
+communication, through filaments that lie hidden, like electric cables,
+in the deeps of consciousness. Each man was organically one with the
+other; the division between them was no greater than between two cells
+in a single brain; the understanding was complete. Thus it remained for
+some seconds; then the silence was broken by speech, and it was as
+though a cloud had passed over the sun. For, with the first word spoken,
+misunderstanding began; and, for a time at all events, they drifted far
+apart, each out of sight and knowledge of the other's soul. Had Snarley
+begun by saying something inconsequent or irrelevant, had he proposed to
+build three tabernacles, or cried, "Depart from me, for I am a sinful
+man," or quoted the words of some inapplicable Scripture that was being
+fulfilled--there might have been no rupture. But, as it was, he spoke to
+the point, and instantly the tie was snapped.
+
+"Them words you spoke just now," he said, and paused. Then, completing
+the sentence--"them words was full o' _sense_."
+
+I could see that Chandrapal was troubled. The word "sense" woke up
+trains of consciousness quite alien to the intention of the speaker. To
+his non-English mind this usage of the word, if not unknown, was at
+least misleading.
+
+He replied, "Those words have nothing to do with 'sense.' Yet you seemed
+to understand them."
+
+"Not a bit," said Snarley. "But I _felt_ 'em. They burnt me like fire.
+Good words is allus like that. There's some words wi' meanin' in 'em,
+but no sense; and they're fool's words, most on 'em. You understand 'em,
+but you don't feel 'em. But when they comes wi' a bit of a smack, I
+knows they're all right. You can a'most taste 'em and smell 'em when
+they're the right sort--just like a drop o' drink. It's a pity you
+didn't hear Mrs. Abel when she give us that piece o' poetry. That's the
+sort o' words folks ought to use. You can feel 'em in your bones. Well,
+as I was a-sayin', your words was like that. They come at me smack,
+smack. And I sez to myself as soon as I hears 'em, 'That's a man worth
+talkin' to.'"
+
+Chandrapal had listened with the utmost gravity, seeming to catch
+Snarley's drift. The diction must have puzzled him, but I doubt if the
+subtlest skill in exposition would have availed Snarley half so well in
+restoring the mutual comprehension which had been temporarily broken.
+Chandrapal was evidently relieved. For half a minute there was silence,
+during which he walked to and fro, deep in thought. Then he said, "Great
+is the power of words when the speaker is wise. But the Truth cannot be
+_spoken_."
+
+"Not _all_ on it," said Snarley, "only bits here and there. That's what
+the bigness o' things teaches you. It's my opinion as there are two
+sorts o' words--shutters-in and openers-out. Them words o' yours was
+openers-out; but most as you hears are shutters-in. It's like puttin' a
+thing in a box. You shuts the lid, and then all you sees is the box. But
+when things gets beyond a certain bigness you can't shut 'em in--not
+unless you first chops 'em up, and that spoils 'em.
+
+"Now, there's Shoemaker Hankin--a man as could talk the hind-leg off a
+'oss. He goes at it like a hammer, and thinks as he's openin' things
+out; but all the time he's shuttin' on 'em in and nailin' on 'em up in
+their coffins. One day he begins talkin' about 'Life,' and sez as how he
+can explain it in half a shake. 'You'll have to kill it first, Tom,' I
+sez, 'or it'll kick the bottom out o' _your_ little box.' 'I'm going to
+_hannilize_ it,' he sez. 'That means you're goin' to chop it up,' I sez,
+'so that it's bound to be dead before we gets hold on it. All right,
+Tom, fire away! Tell us all about dead Life.'
+
+"Well, that's allus the way wi' these talkin' chaps. There was that
+Professor as comes tellin' me what space were--I told that gentleman"
+(pointing to me) "all about _him_. Why, you might as well try to cut
+runnin' water wi' a knife. Talkin' people like him are never satisfied
+till they've trampled everything into a _muck_--same as the sheep
+tramples the ground when you puts 'em in a pen. They seems to think as
+that's what things are _for_! They all wants to do the talkin'
+themselves. But doesn't it stand to sense that as long as you're talkin'
+about things you can't hear what things are sayin' to you?
+
+"When did I learn all that? Why, you don't _learn_ them things. You just
+finds 'em when you're alone among the hills and the bigness o' things
+comes over you. Do you know anything about the stars? Well, then, you'll
+understand.
+
+"All the same, I were once a talkin' man myself; ay, and it were then as
+I got the first lesson in leavin' things alone. It happened one day when
+I were a Methody--long before I knew anything about the stars. I'd been
+what they call 'converted'; and one day I were prayin' powerful at a
+meetin', and we was all excited, and shoutin' as we wouldn't go home
+till the answer had come. Well, it did come--at least it come to me. I
+were standin' up shoutin' wi' the rest, when all of a sudden I kind o'
+heard somebody whisperin' in my ear. 'The answer's comin',' I sez; 'I'm
+gettin' it,' So they all gets quiet, waitin' for me to give the answer.
+I suppose they expected me to say as a new heart had been given to
+somebody we'd been prayin' for. But instead o' that I shouts out at the
+top o' my voice--though I can't tell what made me do it--'Shut up, all
+on you! Shut up, Henry Blain! Shut up, John Scarsbrick! Shut up, Robert
+Dellanow--_I'm tired o' the lot on you!_' That's what made me give up
+bein' a Methody. I began to see from that day that when things begins to
+open out you've got to _shut up_."
+
+"The voices of the world are many; and the speech of man is only one,"
+said Chandrapal.
+
+"You're right," said Snarley, "but I'm not sure as you ought to call 'em
+voices. Most on 'em's more like faces nor voices. It's true there's the
+thunder and the wind--'specially when it's blowin' among the trees. And
+then there's the animals and the birds."
+
+"It is said in the East that once there were men who understood the
+language of birds."
+
+"No, no," said Snarley, "there's no understandin' them things. But
+there's one bird, and that's the nightingale, as makes me kind o'
+remember as I understood 'em once. And there's no doubt they understand
+one another; and there's some sorts of animals as understands other
+sorts--but not all. You can take my word for it!"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+The light had failed, and the song of the birds, driven to a distance by
+our voices, seemed to quicken the darkness into life. 'Darkling, we
+listened'--how long I know not, for the subliminal world was awake, and
+the measure of time was lost. Snarley was the first to speak, taking up
+his parable from the very point where he had left it, as though he were
+unconscious that a long interval had elapsed. He spoke to Chandrapal.
+
+"I can see as you're a rememberin' sort o' gentleman," he said. "If you
+weren't, you wouldn't ha' come here listenin' to the birds. The animals
+remember a lot o' things as we've forgotten. I dare say you know it as
+well as I do. Now, there's the nightingale--_that's_ the bird for
+recollectin' and makin' you recollect; and you might say dogs and 'osses
+too. You can see the memory in the dog's eyes and in the 'oss's face.
+But you can _hear_ it in the bird's voice--and hearin' and smellin' is
+better nor seein' when it comes to a matter o' rememberin.'
+
+"Yes, and it's my opinion as animals, takin' 'em all round, are wiser
+nor men--that is, they've got more sense. You let your line out far
+enough, and I tell you there's some animals as can make you find a lot
+o' things as you've forgotten. That's what the bird does. When I
+listens, I seems to be rememberin' all sorts o' things, only I can't
+tell nobody what they are.
+
+"Yes, but you ought to ha' been here that night when Mrs. Abel give that
+piece! Why, bless you, she'd got the nightingale to a T, especially the
+rememberin'. Eh, my word, but it were a staggerer! I _wish_ you'd been
+there--a rememberin' gentleman like you! You get her to give you that
+piece when you goes home, and it'll make you reel your line out to the
+very end."
+
+Some of those allusions, I imagine, were lost on Chandrapal. But once
+more he showed that he caught the "sense."
+
+"In my country," he said, "religion forbids us to take the lives of
+animals."
+
+"That's a good sort o' religion," said Snarley. "There's some sense in
+that! Them as holds with it must ha' let their line out pretty far. Now,
+it wouldn't surprise me to hear as folks in your country are good at
+rememberin' things as other folks have forgotten."
+
+"Yes, some of us think we can remember many things." And, after a pause,
+"I thought just now that I remembered you."
+
+"And me you!" said Snarley, "blessed if I didn't. The minute you said
+them funny words, danged if I didn't feel as though I'd knowed you all
+my life! It was just like when I'm listenin' to the bird--all sorts o'
+things comes tumblin' back. Same with them words o' yours. It seemed as
+though somebody as I knowed were a-callin' of me. I must ha' travelled
+millions o' miles, same as when you lets your line out to the stars. And
+all the time I were sure that I knowed the voice, though I couldn't
+understand the meanin'. I tell you, it were _just_ like listenin' to the
+bird."
+
+Chandrapal now turned and said something to Mrs. Abel. She promptly
+slipped out of the shed, giving me a sign to follow. Chandrapal and
+Snarley were left to themselves.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Late at night Chandrapal returned to the Rectory. He was more than
+usually silent and absorbed. Of what had passed between him and Snarley
+he said not a word; but, on bidding us good-night, he remarked to Mrs.
+Abel, "The cycle of existence returns upon itself." And Snarley, on his
+part, never spoke of the occurrence to any living soul. "The rest is
+silence."
+
+
+
+
+SHEPHERD TOLLER O' CLUN DOWNS
+
+
+At the age of fifty or thereabouts Shepherd Toller went mad. After due
+process he was handed over to the authorities and graduated as a pauper
+lunatic. His madness was the outcome of solicitude, and it was not
+surprising that, after a year amid the jovial company of the asylum,
+Toller began to improve. At the end of the second year he was declared
+to be cured, and discharged, much to his regret.
+
+His first act on liberation was to recover his old dog, which had been
+left in charge of a friend. Desiring to start life again where his
+former insanity would be unknown, he made his way to Deadborough, the
+village of his birth. Arrived there, after a forty miles' walk, he
+refreshed himself with a glass of beer and a penn'orth of bread and
+cheese, and proceeded at once to Farmer Ferryman in quest of work. The
+farmer, who was, as usual, in want of labour, sent him to Snarley Bob to
+"put the measure on him." Snarley's report was favourable. "He seemed a
+bit queer, no doubt, and kept laughin' at nothin'; but I've knowed lots
+o' queer people as had more sense than them as wasn't queer, and there's
+no denyin' as he's knowledgeable in sheep." The result was that Toller
+was forthwith appointed as an understudy to Snarley Bob.
+
+Bob's estimate of the new-comer rose steadily day by day. "He had a
+wonderful eye for points." "As good a sheep-doctor as ever lived."
+"Wanted a bit of watchin', it was true, but had a head on his shoulders
+for all that." "Knows how to keep his mouth shut." "Was backward in
+breedin', but not for want o' sense--hadn't caught him young enough."
+"Could ha' taught him anything, if he'd come twenty-five years back." In
+due course, therefore, Toller was entrusted with great responsibilities.
+He it was who, under Snarley's direction, presided over the generation,
+birth, and early upbringing of the thrice-renowned "Thunderbolt."
+
+So it went on for three years. At the end of that time Toller had an
+accident. He fell through the aperture of a feeding-loft, and his spinal
+column received an ugly shock. Symptoms of his old malady began to
+return. He began to get things "terrible mixed up," and to play tricks
+which violated both the letter and the spirit of Snarley's notches.
+
+One of the breeding points in Snarley's system was connected with the
+length of the lambs' ears. Short ears in the new-born lamb were
+prophetic of desirable points which would duly appear when the creature
+became a sheep; long ears, on the other hand, indicated that the cross
+had failed. A crucial experiment on these lines was being conducted by
+aid of a ram which had been specially imported from Spain, and the whole
+thing had been left to Toller's supervision. The result was a complete
+failure. On the critical day, when Snarley returned from his obstetric
+duties, his wife saw gloom and disappointment on his countenance. "Well,
+have them lambs come right?" "Lambs, did you say? They're not _lambs_.
+They're young _jackasses_. It's summat as Shepherd Toller's been up to.
+You'll never make me believe as the Spanish ram got any one on 'em--no,
+not if you was to take your dyin' oath. Blessed if I know where he found
+a father for 'em. It's not one o' our rams, I'll swear. You mark my
+word, missis, Shepherd Toller's goin' out of his mind again. I've seen
+it comin' on for months. Only last Tuesday he sez to me, 'Snarley, I'm
+gettin' cloudy on the top.'"
+
+Shortly after this Toller disappeared and, though the search was
+diligent, he could not be found. "He's not gone far," said Snarley.
+"Leastways he's sure to come back. Mad-men allus comes back." And within
+a few months an incident happened which enabled Snarley to verify his
+theory. It came about in this wise.
+
+A party of great folk from the Hall had gone up into the hills for a
+picnic. They had chosen their camp near the head of a long upland
+valley, where the ground fell suddenly into a deep gorge pierced by a
+torrent. A fire of sticks had been lit close to the edge of the
+precipice, and a kettle, made of some shining metal, had been hung over
+the flames. The party were standing by, waiting for the water to boil,
+when suddenly, crash!--a sprinkle of scalding water in your
+face--and--where's the kettle? An invisible force, falling like a bolt
+from the blue, had smitten the kettle and hurled it into space. The
+ladies screamed; the Captain swore; the Clergyman cried, "Good
+Gracious!" the Undergraduate said, "Jerusalem!" the Wit added, "_And_
+Madagascar!" But what was said matters not, for the Recording Angel had
+dropped his pen. The whole party stood amazed, unable to place the
+occurrence in any sort of intelligible context, and with looks that
+seemed to say, "The reign of Chaos has returned, and the Inexpressible
+become a fact!" Some went to the edge of the gorge and saw below a mass
+of buckled tin, irrecoverable, and worthless. Some looked about on the
+hillside, but looked on nothing to the point. Some stood by the spot
+where the kettle had hung, and argued without premises. Some searched
+for the missile, some for the man; but neither was found. The whole
+thing was an absolute mystery. The party had lost their tea, and gained
+a subject for conversation at dinner. That was all.
+
+That night Snarley, in the tap-room of the Nag's Head, heard the story
+from the groom who had lit the fire, hung the kettle, and seen it fly
+into space. Snarley said nothing, quickly finished his glass, and went
+home. "Missis," he said, "get my breakfast at three o'clock to-morrow
+morning. Shepherd Toller's come back. And mind you hold your tongue."
+
+By five o'clock next morning Snarley had reached the scene of the
+picnic. He gazed about him in all directions: nothing was stirring but
+the peewits. Then he climbed down the gorge with some difficulty, found
+the kettle, and examined its riven side. Climbing back, he went some
+distance further up the valley, ascended a little knoll, took out his
+whistle, and blew a peculiar blast, tremulous and piercing. No response.
+Snarley blew again, and again. At the fourth attempt the distant barking
+of a dog was heard, and a minute later the signal was answered by the
+counterpart to Snarley's blast. Presently the form of a big man,
+followed by a yelping dog, appeared on the skyline above. Shepherd
+Toller was found.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+During the week which followed these events, various members of the
+picnic-party had begun to recollect things they had previously
+forgotten, and discoveries were made, _ex post facto_, which warranted
+the submission of the case to the Society for the Investigation of
+Mysterious Phenomena. Lady Lottie Passingham had been of the party, and
+she it was who drew up the Report which was so much discussed a few
+years ago. In her own evidence Lady Lottie, whose figure was none too
+slim, averred that, as she climbed the hill to the place of rendezvous,
+she had been distinctly conscious of something pulling her back. She had
+attached no importance to this at the time, though she had remarked to
+Miss Gledhow that she wished she hadn't come. The time at which the
+kettle flew was 4.27 p.m.; at 4.25 Lady Lottie, had a sensation as
+though a cold hand were stroking her left cheek, the separate fingers
+being clearly distinguishable. Miss Gledhow had experienced a feeling
+all afternoon that she was being _watched and criticised_--a feeling
+which she could only compare to that of a person who is having his
+photograph taken. Captain Sorley's cigarettes kept going out in the most
+unaccountable manner; and in this connection he would mention that more
+than once, and especially a few minutes after the main occurrence, he
+could not help fancying that someone was breathing in his face. The Rev.
+E. F. Stark-Potter had heard, several times, a sound like "Woe, woe,"
+which he attributed at first to some ploughman calling to his horses;
+subsequent inquiry had proved, however, that, on the day in question, no
+ploughing was being done in the neighbourhood. All the witnesses
+concurred in the statement that they were vividly conscious of
+_something wrong_, the most emphatic in this respect being the
+Undergraduate, who had made no secret of his feeling at the time by
+assuring several members of the party that he felt absolutely "rotten,"
+Further, the Report stated, the scene had been identified with the spot
+where a young woman committed suicide in 1834 by casting herself down
+the precipice. The battered kettle was also recovered and sent in a
+registered parcel for examination by the experts of the Society.
+
+After the mature deliberation due to the distinguished names at the end
+of the Report, the Society decided that the evidence was non-veridical,
+and refused to print the document in their _Proceedings_.
+
+Snarley Bob, who knew what was going on, had his reasons for welcoming
+this development. He concocted various legends of his own weird
+experiences at the valley-head, and these, as coming from him, had
+considerable weight. They were communicated in the first instance to the
+groom. By him they were conveyed to the coachman; by him, to the
+coachman's wife; whence they were not long in finding their way, by the
+usual channels, to headquarters. Here the contributions of Snarley were
+combined by various hands into an artistic whole with the original
+occurrence, which, in this new context, at once quitted the low ground
+of History and began a free development of its own in the realms of the
+Ideal. By the time it reached the Press it had become a fiction far more
+imposing than any fact, and far more worthy of belief. Things that never
+happened filled the foreground, and the thing that did happen had fallen
+so far into the background as to be almost invisible. The incident of
+the kettle had exfoliated into a whole sequence of imposing mysteries,
+becoming in the process a mere germ or point of departure of no more
+significance in itself than are the details in Saxo Grammaticus to a
+first-class performance of _Hamlet_. Thus transfigured, the story was
+indeed a drama rather than a narrative; and those who remember reading
+it in that form will hardly believe that it had its origin in the humble
+facts which these pages relate. The excitement it caused lasted for some
+weeks, and it was almost a public disappointment when the Society for
+the Investigation of Mysterious Phenomena blew a cold blast upon the
+whole thing.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+When Snarley Bob met Shepherd Toller at Valley Head, he found him
+accoutred in a manner which verified his private theory as to the
+levitation of the kettle. Coiled round Toller's left arm were three
+slings, made from strips of raw oxhide, with pouches, large and small,
+for hurling stones of various size. Slung over his back was a big bag,
+also of leather, which contained his ammunition--smooth pebbles gathered
+from the torrent bed, the largest being the size of a man's fist.
+Strapped round his waist was a flint axe, the head being a beautiful
+celt, which Toller had discovered long ago on Clun Downs, and skilfully
+fixed in a handle bound with thongs.
+
+In the days of Toller's first madness, it had been his habit to wander
+over Clun Downs, equipped in this manner, He had lived in some fastness
+of his own devising, and supplied his larder by the occasional slaughter
+of a stolen sheep, whose skull he would split with a blow from the flint
+axe. The slings were rather for amusement than hunting, though his
+markmanship was excellent, and he was said to be able at any time to
+bring down a rabbit, or even a bird. All day long he would wander in
+unfrequented uplands, slinging stones at every object that tempted his
+eye, and roaring and dancing with delight whenever he hit the mark. He
+was inoffensive enough and had never been known to deliberately aim at a
+human being, though more than one shooting party had been considerably
+alarmed by the crash of Toller's stones among the branches, or by his
+long-range sniping of the white-clothed luncheon-table. On one occasion
+Toller had landed a huge pebble, the size of an eight-pounder shot, into
+the very bull's-eye of the feast--to wit, a basket containing six
+bottles of Heidsieck's Special Reserve. It was this performance which
+led Sir George to report the case to the authorities and insist on
+Toller being put under restraint.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+By the evening of the day when Toller disappeared from the Perryman
+sheepfolds he had completed the long walk to his former haunts, and
+recovered his weapons from under the cairn where he had carefully hidden
+them six years before. The axe, of course, was uninjured; but the slings
+were rotten. As soon as it was dark, therefore, Toller stole down to the
+pastures, captured a steer, brained it with the flint axe, stripped off
+the skin, made a fire, roasted a piece of the warm flesh, covered his
+tracks, and before the sun was up had made twenty miles of the return
+journey, with half a dozen fine new slings concealed beneath his coat.
+He arrived at Deadborough at nightfall the day but one following, having
+taken a circuitous route far from the highroad. He at once made his way
+into the hills.
+
+Beyond the furthest outposts of the Perryman farm lie extensive wolds
+rising rapidly into desolate regions where sheep can scarcely find
+pasture. In this region Toller concealed himself. About two miles beyond
+the old quarry, on a slaty hillside, he found a deep pit, which had
+probably been used as a water-hole in prehistoric times; and here he
+built himself a hut. He made the walls out of the stones of a ruined
+sheep-fold; he roofed them with a sheet of corrugated iron, stolen from
+the outbuildings of a neighbouring farm, and covered the iron with sods;
+he built a fire-place with a flue, but no chimney; he caused water from
+a spring to flow into a hollow beside the door. Then he collected slate,
+loose stones, and earth; and, by heaping these against the walls of the
+hut, he gave the whole structure the appearance of a mound of rubbish.
+Human eyes rarely came within sight of the spot; but even a keen
+observer of casual objects would not have suspected that the mound
+represented any sort of human dwelling. It was a masterpiece of
+protective imitation, an exact replica of Toller's previous abode on
+Clun Downs. His fire burned only by night.
+
+The furnishing of this simple establishment consisted of a feather bed,
+which rested on slabs of slate supported by stones,--whence obtained was
+never known, but undoubtedly stolen. The coverlet was three sheepskins
+sewn together, the pillow also a sheepskin, coiled round a cylinder of
+elastic twigs. The table was a deal box, once the property of Messrs.
+Tate, the famous refiners of sugar. The chair was a duplicate of the
+table. The implements were all of flint, neatly bound in their handles
+with strips of hide. There was the axe for slaughter, a dagger for
+cutting meat, a hammer for breaking bones, a saw and scrapers of various
+size--the plunder of some barrow on Clun Downs. Under the slates of the
+bed lay a collection of slings.
+
+In this place Toller lived undiscovered for several months, issuing
+thence as occasion required in quest of food. This he obtained by night
+forays upon distant farms, bringing back mutton or beef, lamb or sucking
+pig, a turkey, a goose, a couple of chickens, according to the changes
+of his appetite or the seasonableness of the dish. Fruit, vegetables,
+and potatoes were obtained in the same manner. In addition, all the game
+of the hills was at his mercy, and he had fish from the stream. It was
+characteristic of Toller's cunning that his plunder was all obtained
+from afar, and seldom twice from the same place. He would go ten miles
+to the north to steal a lamb; next time, as far to the south to steal a
+goose. The plundered area lay along the circumference of great circles,
+with radii of ten, fifteen, twenty miles, of which his abode was the
+centre. This put pursuers off the track, and caused them to look for him
+everywhere but where he was. The police were convinced, for example,
+that he was hiding in Clun Downs. The steer he had slaughtered on his
+first return had been discovered, as Toller intended it to be; and, in
+order to keep up the fiction of his presence in that neighbourhood, he
+repeated his exploit a month later, and slaughtered a second steer in
+the very pasture where he had killed the first.
+
+Nor was his favourite amusement denied him. He knew the movements of
+every shepherd on the uplands, and, by choosing his routes, could wander
+for miles, slinging stones as he went, without risk of discovery.
+Whether during these months he saw any human beings is unknown;
+certainly no human being recognised him. His power of self-concealment
+amounted to genius.
+
+Such was the second madness of Shepherd Toller. Things from the abyss of
+Time that float upwards into dreams--sleeping things whose breath
+sometimes breaks the surface of our waking consciousness, like bubbles
+rising from the depths of Lethe--these had become the sober certainties
+of Toller's life. The superincumbent waters had parted asunder, and the
+children of the deep were all astir. Toller had awakened into a past
+which lies beyond the graves of buried races and had joined his fathers
+in the morning of the world.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+Towards the end of the summer Toller's health began to decline. He was
+attacked by fierce paroxysms of internal pain, which left him weak and
+helpless. The distant forays had to be abandoned; there was no more
+slinging of stones; he had great difficulty in obtaining food. He craved
+most for milk, and this he procured at considerable risk of discovery by
+descending before dawn into the lowlands and milking, or partially
+milking, one of the Perryman cows; for the animals knew his voice and
+were accustomed to his touch.
+
+This was the posture of his affairs when one day he became apprised of
+the presence in the neighbourhood of the picnic-party aforesaid. He
+stalked them with care, saw the preparation of their meal, eyed the
+large basket carried by the grooms, and thought with longing of the tea
+it was sure to contain, and of the brandy that might be there also. To
+be possessed of one or both of these things would at that moment have
+satisfied the all-inclusive desire of the sick man's soul, and he
+thought of every possible device and contrivance by which he could get
+them into his hands. None promised well. At last he half resolved on the
+desperate plan of scaring the pleasure-seekers from their camp by
+bombarding the ground with stones--a plan which he remembered to have
+proved effective with a party of ladies on Clun Downs. But he doubted
+his strength for such a sustained effort, and reflected that a party
+which contained so many men, even if forced to retreat, would be sure to
+take their provender with them. While he was thus reflecting he saw the
+kettle hoisted on the tripod, shining and glinting in the sun. Never had
+Toller beheld a more tempting mark. The range was easy; his station was
+well hidden; and the kettle was the hated symbol of his disappointed
+hopes. "One more, and then I've done," I sez to myself--thus he reported
+to Snarley Bob--"and I went back for the old sling, feelin' better than
+I'd done for weeks. I picks the best stone I could find, and kep' on
+whirlin' her round my head all the way back. Then I slaps her in, and
+blessed if I didn't take the kettle first shot!"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+On the evening of the day when he discovered Toller, Snarley came home
+with a countenance of sorrow. "I've found him, missis," he said; "but
+he's a dyin' man. Worn to a shadder, and him the biggest man in the
+parish. It would ha' scared you to see him. As sane as ever he was in
+his life. 'Shepherd,' he sez, 'I'm starvin'. Can you get me a bit of
+summat as I can eat?' 'What would you like?' I sez. He sez, 'I want
+baccy and buttermilk. For God's sake, get me some buttermilk. It's the
+only thing as I feel 'ud keep down; and the pain's that awful it a'most
+tears me to shreds. And may be you can find a pinch o' tea and a spot or
+two of something short.' I sez, 'You shall have it all this very night.
+But how's your head?' 'Terrible heavy at the back,' he sez, 'but clear
+on the top. I've a'most done wi' slingin' and stealin'. The police is
+after me, and I'm too weak to dodge 'em much longer; they're bound to
+catch me soon. But they'll get nowt but a bag o' bones, and they'll have
+to be quick if they want 'em alive. Shepherd, I'm a dyin' man, and
+there's not a soul to stand by me or bury me.' 'Yes, there is,' I sez;
+'you've got me. I'll stand by you, and bury you, too. If the police
+catches you, it'll be through no tellin' o' mine. You go back to your
+hut, and we'll keep you snug enough, and get you all the baccy and
+buttermilk as you wants.' 'Thank God!' he sez; and then the pain took
+him, and he fair rolled on the ground."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"Yes, sir," continued the widow of Snarley, "my 'usband had been failin'
+for two years afore he died. But it was that affair wi' Shepherd Toller
+as broke what bit o' strength he'd got left. I wanted him to tell the
+doctor as he'd found him; but you might as well ha' tried to turn the
+church round as move my 'usband when once he'd made up his mind.
+'Nivver, Polly!' he sez. 'I've given Shepherd Toller my word. Besides,
+he's too far gone for doctors to do him any good. He'll not last many
+days. And I knows a way o' sendin' him to sleep as beats all the
+doctors' bottles. You leave him to me.'
+
+"Well, you see, sir, I knowed very well as he were doing wrong. But then
+he didn't look at it that way. And he mostly knowed what he were doin',
+my 'usband did.
+
+"He never missed goin' to Shepherd Toller's hut mornin' nor night. He
+took him buttermilk a'most every day; and oh, my word, the lies as he
+told about what he wanted it for! I've known him walk miles to get it.
+And then he'd sometimes sit up wi' him half the night tryin' to get him
+to sleep, rubbin' his back and his head. And the things my 'usband used
+to tell me about his sufferin's--oh, sir, it were somethin' awful!...
+Once my 'usband asked him if he'd let him tell the doctor, and Shepherd
+Toller a'most went out o' his mind with fright. 'I've got to see it
+through, Polly,' he sez to me; 'but I doubt if it won't be the death o'
+me.'
+
+"Shepherd Toller took to his bed the very day as my 'usband met him, and
+never left it, leastways he never went outside the hut again. I wanted
+to go myself and look after him a bit in the daytime. But my 'usband
+wouldn't let me go. 'He's no sight for you to look at, missis,' he sez.
+'Except for the pain, his mind's at rest. Besides, there's nobody but me
+knows how to talk to him, and there's nobody but me as he wants to see.
+You can't make him no comfortabler than he is.'
+
+"But it were a terrible strain on my poor 'usband, and there's not a
+doubt that it would ha' killed him there and then if it had lasted much
+longer. It were about three weeks before the end come, and nivver shall
+I forget that night--no, not if I was to live to be a thousand years
+old.
+
+"My master come home about ten o'clock, lookin' just like a man as were
+walkin' in his sleep. I couldn't get him to take notice o' nothin', and
+when I put his supper on the table he seemed as though he hardly knowed
+what it were for. He didn't eat more than two mouthfuls, and then he
+turned his chair round to the fire, tremblin' all over.
+
+"After a bit I sees him drop asleep like. So I sez to myself, 'I'll just
+go upstairs to warm his bed for him, and then I'll come down and wake
+him up,' and I begins to get the warmin'-pan ready. He were mutterin'
+all sorts of things; but I didn't take much notice o' that, because
+that's what he allus did when he went to sleep in his chair. However, I
+did notice that he kep' mutterin' something about a dog.
+
+"Soon he wakes up, kind o' startled, and sez, 'Missis, let that dog in;
+he won't let me get a wink o' sleep.' 'You silly man,' I sez, 'you've
+been fast asleep for three-quarters of a' hour.' 'Why,' he sez, 'I've
+been wide awake all the time, listenin' to the dog whinin' and
+scratchin' at the door, and I was too tired to get up and let him in.
+Open the door quick; I'm fair sick on it.' I sez, 'What nonsense you're
+talkin'! Why, Boxer's been lyin' under the table ever since you come
+home at ten o'clock. He's there now.' So he looks under the table, and
+there sure enough were Boxer fast asleep. 'Well,' he sez, 'it must be
+another dog. Open the door, as I tell you, and see what it is.' So I
+opens the door; and, of course, there were no sign of a dog. 'Are you
+satisfied now?' I sez. 'I can't make it out,' he sez; 'it's something
+funny. I'd take my dyin' oath as there were a dog scratchin'. But maybe
+as I'll go to sleep now.' So he shuts his eyes, and were soon off,
+mutterin' as before.
+
+"Well, I was just goin' upstairs when all of a sudden he give a scream
+as a'most made me drop the warmin' pan. 'What's up?' I sez. 'I've burnt
+my hand awful,' he sez. 'Burnt your hand?' I sez. 'How did you manage to
+do that? Have you been tumblin' into the fire?' 'I don't know,' he sez;
+'but the funny thing is there's no mark of burnin' as I can see.' 'Why,'
+I sez, 'it must be the rheumatiz in yer knuckles. I'll get a drop o'
+turpentine, and rub 'em,' So I gets the turpentine, and begins rubbin'
+his hand, and his arm as well. He sez, 'It's just like a red-hot nail
+driven slap through the palm o' my hand.' Well, it got better after a
+bit, and I made him go to bed, though he were that hot and excited I
+knowed we were going to have a wild night.
+
+"The minute he lay down he went to sleep and slep' quietly for about
+half an hour. Then he starts groanin' and tossin'. 'It's beginnin',' I
+sez to myself; 'I'd better light the candle so as to be ready.' The
+minute I struck the match he jumps out o' bed like a madman, catches
+hold of the bedpost, and begins pullin' the bed across the room. 'What
+are you doin'?' I sez. 'I'm pullin' the bed out o' the fire,' he sez.
+'Don't you see the room's burnin'?' 'Come, master,' I sez, 'you've got
+the nightmare. Get back into bed again, and keep quiet.'
+
+"He let go o' the bedpost and began starin' in front of him with the
+most awful eyes you ever see. 'Are you blind?' he sez. 'Don't you see
+what's 'appenin'?' 'Nothing's 'appenin',' I sez; 'get back into bed.'
+'Look! he sez, 'look at the top o' that hill! Can't you see they're
+crucifying Shepherd Toller on a red-hot cross? I can hear him screamin'
+wi' pain.' 'Get out,' I sez; 'Shepherd Toller's all right. Now just you
+lie down, and think no more about it.' But, oh dear, you might as well
+ha' talked to thunder and lightnin'. He kep' on as how he could hear
+Shepherd Toller screamin' and callin' for him, until I thought I should
+ha' gone out o' my mind.
+
+"Just then a' idea come to me. We'd got a bottle o' stuff as the doctor
+give him to make him sleep when the rheumatiz come on bad. So I pours
+out half a cupful, and I sez, 'Here, you drink that, and it'll stop 'em
+crucifying Shepherd Toller.' He drinks it down at a gulp, and then he
+sez, 'They've took him down. But I'm afraid he's terrible burnt.' He
+soon got quiet and lay down and went to sleep.
+
+"He must ha' slep' till six in the mornin', when he got up. 'My head's
+achin' awful,' he sez. 'I've been dreamin' about Shepherd Toller all
+night. I believe as summat's gone wrong wi' him. Make me a cup o' strong
+tea, and I'll go and see what's up.'
+
+"When my 'usband got to the hut the first thing he sees were Shepherd
+Toller lyin' all of a heap on the floor wi' his clothes half burnt off
+him and his left arm lyin' right on the top o' where the fire had been.
+His hand were like a cinder, and he were burnt all over his body. He
+were still livin' and able to speak. 'How's this happened--what have you
+been doin'?' sez my 'usband. 'It were the cold,' he sez, 'and I wanted a
+drop o' brandy. And the dog were tryin' to get in. You shut him out when
+you went away.'
+
+"Well, my 'usband gave him brandy and managed to lift him on to the bed.
+'I never thought as I should die like this,' he sez. 'Bury the old dog
+wi' me, shepherd, and put the slings alongside o' me and the little axe
+in my hand. And see there's plenty o' stones.' That was the last he
+said, though he kep' repeatin' it as long as he could speak. It were not
+more than an hour after my master found him before he were gone.
+
+"My 'usband dug his grave wi' his own hands, close beside the hut, and
+buried him next day. He put the axe and slings just as he told him, wi'
+the stones and all the bits of flint things as he found in the hut. What
+went most to his heart were shootin' the old dog. He telled me as he
+were sure the dog knowed he were goin' to kill him, and stood as quiet
+as a lamb beside the grave when he pointed the gun. 'It were worse than
+murder,' he said, 'and I shall see him to my dyin' day. But I'd given my
+word, and I had to do it.
+
+"No, sir, not a livin' soul, exceptin' me, knew what had happened till
+my 'usband told Mrs. Abel and you three days before he died. That were
+eighteen months after he'd buried Shepherd Toller. Of course, he'd ha'
+got into trouble if they'd knowed what he'd done. But he weren't afraid,
+and he used to say to me, 'Don't you bother, missis. They can't do
+nothing to you when I'm gone. Let 'em say what they like; you and me
+knows as I've done no wrong. There's only one thing as I can't bear to
+think on. And that's shootin' the old dog.'"
+
+
+
+
+SNARLEY BOB'S INVISIBLE COMPANION
+
+
+Whether Snarley Bob was mad or sane is a question which the reader, ere
+now, has probably answered for himself. If he thinks him mad, his
+conclusion will repeat the view held, during his lifetime, by many of
+Snarley's equals and by some of his betters. In support of the opposite
+opinion, I will only say that he was sane enough to hold his tongue in
+general about certain matters, which, had he freely talked of them,
+would have been regarded as strong evidence of insanity.
+
+The chief of these was his intercourse with the Invisible
+Companion--invisible to all save Snarley Bob. That designation, however,
+is not Snarley's, but my own; and I use it because I do not wish to
+commit myself to the identification of this personage with any
+individual, historical or imaginary. Snarley generally called him "the
+Shepherd"; sometimes, "the Master"; and he used no other name.
+
+With this "Master" Snarley claimed to be on terms of intimacy which go
+beyond the utmost reaches of authentic mysticism. Whether the being in
+question was a figment of the brain or a real inhabitant of time and
+space, let the reader, once more, decide for himself. Some being there
+was, at all events, of whose companionship Snarley was aware under
+circumstances which are not usually associated with such matters.
+
+There is much in this connection that must needs remain obscure. The
+only witness who could have cleared those obscurities away has long been
+beyond the reach of summons. To none else than Mrs. Abel was Snarley
+ever known to open free communication on the subject.
+
+He spoke now and then of a dim, far-off time when he had been a
+"Methody." But he had shown scant perseverance in the road which, strait
+and narrow though it be, has now become easy to trace, being well marked
+by the tread of countless bleeding feet. Instead of continuing therein,
+he had "leapt over the wall" into the surrounding waste, and struck out,
+by a path of his own devising, for the land of Beulah. By all recognised
+precedent he ought to have failed in arriving. I will not say he
+succeeded; but he himself was well content with the result. It is true
+that in all his desert-wanderings he never lost the chart and compass
+with which Methodism had once provided him; but he filled in the chart
+at points where Methodism had left it blank, and put the compass to uses
+which were not contemplated by the original makers.
+
+For many years before his death Snarley entered neither the church nor
+the chapel; and, I regret to say, he had a very low opinion of both.
+This was one of the few matters on which he and Hankin were agreed,
+though for opposite reasons. Hankin objected to these institutions
+because they went too far; Snarley because they went not nearly far
+enough. It may, however, be noted that in the tap-room of the Nag's
+Head, where the blasphemy of the Divine name was a normal occurrence,
+Snarley, of whose displeasure everybody went in fear, would never allow
+the name of Christ to be so much as mentioned, not even argumentatively
+by Hankin; and once when a foul-mouthed navvy had used the name as part
+of some filthy oath, Snarley instantly challenged the man to fight,
+struck him a fearful blow between the eyes and pitched him headlong,
+with a shattered face, into the village street. But in the matter of
+contempt for the religious practice of his neighbours, his attitude was,
+if possible, more extreme than Hankin's. I need not quote his utterances
+on these matters; except for their unusual violence, they were
+sufficiently commonplace. Had Snarley been more highly developed as "a
+social being" he would, no doubt, have been less intolerant; but
+solitude had made him blind on that side of his nature; for his
+fellow-men in general he had little sympathy and less admiration, his
+soul being as lonely as his body when wandering before the dawn on some
+upland waste.
+
+Lonely, save for the frequent presence, by day and night, of his ghostly
+monitor and friend. To understand the nature of this companionship we
+must remember that devotion to the shepherd's craft was the controlling
+principle of Snarley's being. Had he been able to philosophise on the
+basis of his experience, he would have found it impossible to represent
+perfection as grounded otherwise than on a supreme skill in the breeding
+and management of sheep. No being, in his view of things, could wear the
+title of "good Shepherd" for any other reason. Taking Snarley all round,
+I dare say he was not a bad man; but I doubt if there was any sin which
+smelt so rank in his nostrils as the loss of a lamb through
+carelessness, nor any virtue he rated so high as that which was rewarded
+by a first prize at the agricultural show. The form of his ideal, and
+the direction of his hero-worship, were determined accordingly.
+
+The name preferred by Snarley was, as I have said, "the Shepherd," and
+the term was no metaphor. He was familiar with every passage in the New
+Testament where mention is made of sheep; he knew, for example, the
+opening verses of the tenth chapter of St. John by heart; and all these
+metaphorical passages were translated by him into literal meaning. That
+is to say, the Person to whom they refer, or by whom they were spoken,
+was one whom Snarley found it especially fitting to consult, and whose
+sympathy he was most vividly aware of, in doing his own duty as a
+guardian of sheep.
+
+For instance, it was his practice to guide the flock by walking _before_
+them; and this he explained as "a way 'the Shepherd' had." He said that
+when walking behind he was invariably alone; but when going in front
+"the Shepherd" was frequently by his side. And there were greater
+"revelations" than this. During the lambing season, when Snarley would
+often spend the night in his box, high up among the wolds, "the
+Shepherd" would announce his presence towards midnight by giving a
+signal, which Snarley would immediately answer, and pass long hours with
+him communing on the mysteries of their craft.
+
+From this source Snarley professed to have derived some of the secrets
+on which his system of breeding was founded. "'The Shepherd' had put him
+up to them." He said that it was "the Shepherd" who had turned his
+thoughts to Spain as the country which would provide him with a
+short-eared ram. "The Shepherd" had assisted in the creation of
+"Thunderbolt," had indicated the meadows where the "Spanish cross" would
+find the best pasturage, and never failed to warn him when he was going
+to make a serious mistake. In his brilliant successes, which were many,
+at agricultural shows and such like, Snarley disclaimed every tittle of
+merit for himself, assuring Mrs. Abel that it was all due to the
+guidance of "the Shepherd." Of the prize-money which came to him in this
+way--for Farmer Perryman let him have it all--Snarley would never spend
+a sixpence; it was all "the Shepherd's money," and was promptly banked
+"that the missis might have a bit when he were gone"--the "bit"
+amounting, if I remember rightly, to four hundred and eighty pounds.
+
+Throughout these communings there was scarcely a trace of moral
+reference in the usual senses of the term. One rule of life, and one
+only, Snarley professed to have derived from his invisible monitor--that
+"the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep." This rule, also, he
+accepted in a strictly literal sense, and considered himself under
+orders accordingly. Thus interpreted, it was for him the one rule which
+summed up the essential content of the whole moral law.
+
+I am not able to recall any notable act of heroism or self-sacrifice
+performed by Snarley on behalf of his flock; but perhaps we shall not
+err in regarding his whole life as such an act. When, in his old age,
+physical suffering overtook him--the result of a lifetime of toil and
+exposure to the elements--he bore it as a good soldier should bear his
+wounds, sustained by the consciousness that pain such as his was the lot
+of every shepherd "as did his duty by the sheep."
+
+Nor am I aware that he displayed any emotional tenderness towards his
+charges; and certainly, I may add, his personal appearance would not
+have recommended him to a painter in search of a model for the Good
+Shepherd of traditional art. In eliminating undesirable specimens from
+the flock, Snarley was as ruthless as Nature; and when the butcher's man
+drove them off to the shambles he would watch their departure without a
+qualm. It was certainly said that he would never slaughter a sheep with
+his own hands, not even when death was merciful; on the other hand, he
+would sternly execute, by shooting, any dog that showed a tendency to
+bite or worry the flock. There was one doubtful case of this kind which
+Snarley told Mrs. Abel he had settled by reference to his monitor--the
+verdict being adverse to the dog. The monitor was, indeed, his actual
+Master--the captain of the ship whose orders were inviolable,--Farmer
+Perryman being only the purser from whom he received his pay: a view of
+the relationship which probably worked to Perryman's great advantage.
+
+In short, whatever may have been Snarley's sins or virtues in other
+directions, "the Shepherd" had little or nothing to do with them. The
+burden which Snarley laid at his feet was the burden which had bent his
+back, and crippled his limbs, and gnarled his hands, and furrowed his
+broad brows during seventy years of hardship and toil. Moral lapses--in
+the matter of drink and, at one time, of fighting--occasionally took
+place; but they were never known to be followed by any reference to the
+disapproval of "the Shepherd." In some respects, indeed, Robert Dellanow
+showed himself singularly deficient in moral graces. To the very end of
+his life he was given to outbreaks of violent behaviour--as we have
+seen; and not only would he show no signs of after-contrition for his
+bad conduct, but would hint, at times, that his invisible companion had
+been a partner, or at least an unreproving spectator, in what he had
+done. But if he made a mistake in feeding the ewes or in doctoring the
+lambs, Snarley would say, "I don't know what 'the Shepherd' will think
+o' me. I'll hardly have the face to meet him next time." Once, on the
+other hand, when there had been a heavy snowfall towards the end of
+April, and desperate work in digging the flock out of a drift, he
+described the success of the operations to Mrs. Abel by saying, "It were
+a job as 'the Shepherd' himself might be proud on."
+
+In the last period of his life, however, gleams of his earlier Methodism
+occasionally shot through, and showed plainly enough of whom he was
+thinking. As with most men of his craft, his old age was made grievous
+by rheumatism; there were times, indeed, when every joint of his body
+was in agony. All this Snarley bore with heroic fortitude, sticking to
+his duties on days when he described himself as "a'most blind wi' pain."
+We have seen what sustained him, and it was strengthened, of course, as
+he told some of us, by the belief that "the Shepherd" had borne far
+worse. When at last the rheumatism invaded the valves of his heart, and
+every walk up the hill was an invitation to Death, the old man still
+held on, unmoved by the doctor's warnings and the urgency of his
+friends. The Perrymans implored him to desist, and promised a pension;
+his wife threatened and wept; Mrs. Abel added her entreaties. To the
+latter he replied, "Not till I drops! As long as 'the Shepherd' 's there
+to meet me I know as I'm wanted. The lambs ha' got to be fed. Besides
+'the Shepherd' and me has an understandin'. I'll never give in while I
+can stand on my legs and hold my crook in my hand."
+
+There is reason to believe that every phase of Snarley's connection with
+Toller was laid before "the Shepherd." Each new development was subject
+to his guidance. Shortly after Toller's disappearance, Snarley said to
+Mrs. Abel, "Me and 'the Shepherd' has been talkin' it over. He sez to
+me, 'Snarley, when you lose a sheep, you goes after it into the
+wilderness, and you looks and looks till you finds. But this time it's a
+shepherd that's lost. Now you stay quiet where you are, and keep your
+eyes and ears open day and night. I know where he is; he's all right;
+and I'm lookin' after him. By and by I'm going to hand him over to you.
+Him and you has got to drink together, but it'll be a drink o' gall for
+both on you. When the time comes, I'll give you the sign.'"
+
+"The sign come," he added, later on, "the sign come that night in the
+Nag's Head, when the groom told us about the kettle. I'd just had a drop
+o' something short, and when I looks up there were 'the Shepherd'
+sittin' in the chair next but one to Shoemaker Hankin. Just then the
+groom come in, and 'the Shepherd' gets up and comes over to a little
+table where I'd got my glass. The groom sits down where 'the Shepherd'
+had been, and 'the Shepherd' sits down opposite to me. The groom says,
+'Boys, I've got summat to tell you as'll make your hair stand on end.'
+'Fire away,' says Tom Barter; and 'the Shepherd,' he holds up his finger
+and looks at me. When the groom had done, and they were all shoutin' and
+laughin', 'the Shepherd' leans across the table and whispers, close in
+my ear, 'Snarley, the hour's come! Drink up what's left in your glass.
+It's time to be goin'.'"
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+During the trying time of his concealment and tending of Toller, "the
+Shepherd's" presence became more frequent, and Snarley's
+characterisation more precise. The belief that "the Shepherd" was
+"backing him up" gave Snarley a will of iron. When Mrs. Abel, on the
+night of his confession, essayed to reprove him for not obtaining
+medical assistance for Toller, he drew himself as erect as his crippled
+limbs allowed, and said quietly, in a manner that closed discussion, "It
+were 'the Master's' orders, my lady. He'd handed him over to _me_." He
+also said, or hinted, that "the Master" had taught him the
+method--whatever it may have been for sending Toller to sleep, "that
+were better than all the doctor's bottles." From the same source,
+doubtless, came his secret for "setting Toller's mind at rest." That
+secret is undivulged; but it was connected in some way with what Snarley
+called "the Shepherd's Plan," of which all we could learn was that
+"there were three men on three crosses, him in the middle being 'the
+Shepherd,' and them at the sides being Toller and me."
+
+"There were allus three on us in the hut," said Snarley, "and all three
+were men as knowed what pain were. Both Toller and me was drinking out
+o' 'the Shepherd's' cup, and he'd promised to stay by us till the last
+drop was gone. 'It's full o' fury and wrath,' sez he; 'but it's got to
+be drunk by them as wants to drive their flock among the stars. I've
+gone before, and you're comin' after. When you've done this there'll be
+no more like it. The next cup will be full o' wine, and we'll all three
+drink it together.'"
+
+In this wise did Snarley and Toller receive the Sacrament in their dark
+and lonely den.
+
+The night on which Snarley came home "like a man walking in his
+sleep"--the last night of Toller's life--was wild, wet, and very dark.
+With a lantern in one hand, a can of milk in the other, and a bag of
+sticks on his back, the old man stumbled through the night until he
+reached the last slope leading to Toller's hut. Here the lantern was
+blown out, and Snarley, after depositing his burdens, sat down, dizzy
+and faint, on a stone. In his pocket was an eight-ounce bottle,
+containing a meagre sixpenn'orth of brandy for Shepherd Toller. Snarley
+fingered the bottle, and then, with quick resolution, withdrew his hand.
+"For the life o' me," he said, "I couldn't remember where I was. I felt
+as though the hillside were whirlin' round, carryin' me with it. And
+then I felt as though I were sinkin' into the ground. 'I'll never get
+there this night,' I sez to myself. Just then I hears something movin',
+and blessed if it wasn't Toller's old dog as had come to look for me. He
+come jumpin' up and begins lickin' my face. Well, it put a bit o' heart
+into me to feel the old dog. So I picks up the can and the bundle, and
+off I goes again; and, though I wouldn't ha' believed it, it weren't
+more than eighty yards, or a hundred at most, to the hut.
+
+"When I come to the edge of the pit I sees a lantern burnin' near the
+door, wonderful bright; and there were 'the Shepherd' sittin' on a
+stone, same as I'd been doin' myself a minute before. As soon as he sees
+me comin', he waves his lantern and calls out, 'Have a care, Snarley,
+it's a steep and narrow road.' Well, the path down into the pit were as
+slippery as ice, and I tell you I'd never ha' got down--at least, not
+without breakin' some o' my bones--if 'the Shepherd' hadn't kep' showin'
+me a light.
+
+"So I comes up to where he were; and then I noticed as he were wet
+through, just as I were, and looking regular wore out. 'Snarley,' he sez
+to me, 'you carry your cross like a man.' 'I learnt that from you,
+Master,' I sez; 'but you look as though yours had been a bit too heavy
+for you this time.' 'We've had terrible work to-day,' he sez; 'we've
+been dividin' the sheep from the goats. And there's no keepin' 'em
+apart. We no sooner gets 'em sorted than they mixes themselves up again,
+till you don't know where you are.' 'Why didn't you let me come and help
+you?' I sez. 'I'd ha' brought Boxer, and he'd ha' settled 'em pretty
+quick.' 'No, no,' he sez; 'your hour's not come. When I wants you, I'll
+give you a sign as you can't mistake. Besides, you're not knowledgable
+in goats. Feed my sheep.' 'Well,' I sez, 'when you wants me, you knows
+where to find me.' 'Right,' he sez; 'but it's Toller we'll be wantin'
+first. And I've been thinkin' as p'raps he'd oblige us by lettin' us
+have the loan of his dog for a bit.' 'I'll go in and ask him,' I sez; 'I
+don't suppose he'll have any objection.' Then 'the Shepherd' blew his
+lantern out, and I see him no more that night.
+
+"Me and the dog goes into the hut, and I could hear as Toller were fast
+asleep in his bed. I begins blowin' up the embers in the fire, and when
+the blaze come the old dog lay down as though he meant goin' to sleep.
+But I could see as there was somethin' on his mind, for he kept cockin'
+his nose up, and sniffin' and lookin' round. Then he gets up and begins
+scratchin' at the door, as he allus did when he wanted to go out. So I
+opens the door, and out he rushes into the dark, like a mad thing,
+barkin' as though he smelt a fox.
+
+"When I'd done what I'd come to do, I puts the brandy and the buttermilk
+where they'd be handy for Shepherd Toller to get 'em, and then I goes to
+the door and begins whistlin' for the dog. But no sign of him could I
+hear or see, though I kep' on whistlin' for full a quarter of a' hour.
+It were strange as it didn't wake Shepherd Toller, but he kep' on
+sleepin' like a child in a thunderstorm. At last I give it up and shut
+the door and went home. How I got back, I don't know. I can't remember
+nothing till my missis catched hold on me and pulled me in through the
+door."
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+"I'd never ha' been able to shoot the old dog," said Snarley, "if 'the
+Shepherd' hadn't made me do it. I turned fair sick when I put the charge
+in the gun, and when I pointed it at him I was in such a tremble that I
+couldn't aim straight. I tried three or four times to get steady, the
+dog standin' as still as still all the while, except that he kep'
+waggin' his tail.
+
+"All of a sudden I sees 'the Shepherd,' plain as plain. He were standin'
+just behind the old dog, strokin' his head. 'Shoot, Snarley,' he sez;
+'shoot, and we'll look after him.' 'Stand back, then, Master,' I sez;
+'for I'm goin' to fire.' 'Fire,' he sez; 'but aim lower. The shot won't
+hurt _me_,' and he went on strokin' the dog's head. So I pulls the
+trigger, and when the smoke cleared 'the Shepherd' were gone, and the
+dog were lyin' dead as any stone."
+
+
+
+
+THE DEATH OF SNARLEY BOB
+
+
+"He'd a rough tongue, sir; but he'd a good 'eart," said the widow of
+Snarley Bob. "Oh, sir, but he were a wonderful man, were my master. I
+never knowed one like him--no, nor never 'eard o' one. I didn't think on
+it while he were living; but now' he's gone I know what I've lost. That
+clever! Why, he often used to say to me. 'Polly, there ain't a bit of
+blessed owt as I couldn't do, if I tried.' And it were true, sir. And
+him nothing but a shepherd all his life, and never earned more'n
+eighteen shillin' a week takin' it all the year round. And us wi' a
+family of thirteen children, without buryin' one on 'em, and all married
+and doin' well. And only one fault, sir, and that not so bad as it is in
+some. He _would_ have his drop of drink--that is, whenever he could get
+it. Not that he spent his wages on it, except now and then after the
+children was growed up. But you see, sir, he was that amusin' in his
+talk, and folks used to treat him.
+
+"Well, sir, it was last Saturday fortnight, as I was tellin' you, he
+come home for the last time. I can see 'im now, just as he come
+staggerin' in at that door. I thought when I saw him that he'd had a
+drop o'drink, though he'd not been 'avin' any for a long time. So I sez
+to myself, 'I'd better make 'im a cup o' tea,' and I begins puttin' the
+kettle on the fire. 'What are you doin'?' he sez. 'I'm goin' to give you
+a cup o' tea,' I sez; 'It'll do yer good.' 'No, it won't,' he sez, 'I've
+done wi' cups o' tea in this world.' 'Why,' I sez, 'what rubbish! 'Ere,
+sit yer down, and let me pull yer boots off.' 'You can pull 'em off,' he
+sez 'but ye'll never see me put 'em on again.'
+
+"I could see by this that it wasn't drink besides I couldn't smell any.
+So I gets 'im into his chair and begins pullin' his boots off. 'What
+makes you talk like that?' I sez. 'You knows as you was ever so much
+better last night. When you've had yer medicine you'll be all right.' He
+said nowt for a time, but just sat, tremblin' and shiverin' in his
+chair. So I sez, 'Hadn't you better 'ave the doctor?' 'It's no good,' he
+sez; 'I'm come 'ome for the last time. It'll be good-bye this time,
+missis.' 'Not it,' I sez; 'you've got many years to live yet. Why, wot's
+to make yer die?' 'It's my 'eart,' he sez; 'it's all flip-floppin' about
+inside me, and gurglin' like a stuck pig. It's wore out, and I keep
+gettin' that faint.' 'Oh,' I sez, 'cheer up; when you've 'ad a cup o'
+tea you'll feel better'; but I'd hardly got the words out o' my mouth
+before he were gone in a dead faint.
+
+"We got 'im to bed between the three on us, and, my word, it were a job
+gettin' 'im up them narrer stairs! As soon as we'd made 'im comfortable,
+he sez to me, 'Wot I told yer's comin' to-night, Polly. They've been
+a-callin' on me all day. I see 'em and 'ear 'em, too. Loud as loud.
+Plain as plain.' 'Who's been callin' yer?' I sez. 'The messengers o'
+death,' he sez; 'and they're in this room, four on 'em, now. I can 'ear
+'em movin' and talkin' to one another.' 'Oh,' I sez, 'it's all fancy.
+What you 'ear is me and Mrs. Rowe. You lie quiet and go to sleep, and
+you'll be better in the mornin'.' He only shook his 'ead and said, 'I
+can 'ear 'em.'
+
+"Well, I suppose it was about 'alf a' hour after this when Mrs. Rowe sez
+to me, 'He looks like goin' to sleep now, Mrs. Dellanow, so I think I'll
+go 'ome and get my master 'is supper'; and she was just goin' down the
+stairs when all of a sudden he starts up in bed and sez, 'Do you 'ear
+that whistle blowin'?' 'No,' I sez, 'you've been dreamin'. There isn't
+nobody whistlin' at this time o' night.' 'Yes,' he sez, 'there is, and
+it blowed three times. There's thousands and thousands of sheep, and a
+tall shepherd whistlin' to his dog. But he's got no dog, and it's me
+he's whistlin' for.'
+
+"Now, sir, you must understand that my 'usband when he was with the
+sheep used to work his dog wi' whistlin' instead of shoutin' to it as
+most shepherds do. You can see his whistle hangin' on that nail--that's
+where he hung it 'isself for twenty-five years. You see, he was kind o'
+superstitious and used to say it was bad luck to keep yer whistle in yer
+pocket when you went to bed. So he always hung it on that nail, the last
+thing at night.
+
+"'Why,' I sez, tryin' to humour 'im, 'it's his dog he's whistlin' for,
+not you. His dog's somewhere where you can't see it. He doesn't want
+you. You lie back again, and go to sleep.' 'No, no,' sez he; 'there's no
+dog, and the sheep's runnin' everywhere, thousands on 'em. It's me he's
+whistlin' for, and we must whistle back to say I'm comin'. Fetch it down
+from the nail, Polly. There he is again! He's the tallest shepherd I
+ever saw. He's one of them four that was in the room just now. Whistle
+back, Polly, and then it'll be all right.' And so he kep' on, again and
+again.
+
+"Mrs. Rowe, who'd come into the room, said to me, 'If I was you, Mrs.
+Dellanow, I'd fetch the whistle and blow it. It'll quiet 'im, and then
+p'raps he'll go to sleep.'
+
+"You can understand, sir, that I was that upset I didn't know what I was
+doing. But when he kep' on callin' and beseechin' I thought I'd better
+do as Mrs. Rowe recommended. So I went down and took the whistle from
+that nail--the same where you see it hangin' now. When I got back I
+couldn't somehow bring myself to do it, so I gives it to 'im to blow
+'isself. But, oh dear, to see the poor thing trying to put it to his
+mouth ... it a'most broke my heart. So I took it from 'im, and blowed it
+myself three times as he wanted me. To think o' me standin' by my own
+'usband's dyin'-bed and blowin' a whistle!
+
+"When I'd done, he says, 'That's all right; he knows I'm comin' now. But
+it'll take a long time to gather all them sheep.'
+
+"For a bit he was quite still, and both me and Mrs. Rowe sat watchin',
+when, all of a sudden, he starts up again and sez, 'Listen, he's goin'
+to blow again,' Well, sir, I dare say you won't believe what I'm going
+to tell yer, but it's as true as I'm standin' 'ere. He'd hardly got the
+words out of his mouth when I hears a whistle blown three
+times--leastways I thought I did--as it might be coming from the top of
+that 'ill you see over there. There weren't no other sounds, for it was
+as still a night as could be. But there was someone whistling, and Mrs.
+Rowe 'eard it too. If you don't believe me, you can ask her. I nearly
+dropped on the floor, and I knew from that minute that my 'usband was
+going to die.
+
+"You see, sir, my 'usband was never what you might call a religious man.
+He were more of a readin' man, my 'usband was--papers and books and all
+sorts o' things--more'n was good for 'im, I often used to say. You can
+see a lot on 'em on that little shelf. If it hadn't been that they kep'
+'im out o' the Nag's Head I'd ha' burned some on 'em, that I would, and
+I often told 'im so. He knowed a wonderful lot about the stars, my
+'usband did. Why, he'd often sit in his chair outside that door, smokin'
+his pipe and watchin' 'em for hours together.
+
+"One day there was a great man came down to give a lecture on the stars
+in C----, and a gentleman as knowed my 'usband's tastes paid his fare
+and gave 'im a ticket for the lecture. When he came 'ome he was that
+excited I thought he'd go out o' his mind. He seemed as though he could
+think of nothing else for weeks, and it wasn't till he began to ha' bad
+luck wi' the ewes as he was able to shake it off. He was allus lookin'
+in the paper to see if the gentleman as give the lecture was comin'
+again. His name was Sir Robert Ball. I dare say you've heard on 'im.
+
+"He used to spend all his Sundays readin' about stars. No, sir, he
+'adn't been inside the church for years. 'Church is for folks as knows
+nowt about the stars,' he used to say. 'Sir Robert Ball's my parson.'
+One night when he was sittin' outside the door. I sez, 'Why don't you
+come in and get yer supper? It's getting cold.' 'Let it get cold,' he
+sez; 'I'm not comin' in till the moon's riz. It's as good as a drop o'
+drink to see it.'
+
+"P'raps he told yer all about that time when he was took up wi'
+spiritualism. He'd met a man in the public-'ouse who'd 'eard his talk
+and put 'im up to it. They got 'im to go to a meetin' i' the next
+village, and made 'im believe as he was a medium. Well, there never was
+such goin's-on as we 'ad wi' 'im for months. He'd sit up 'alf the night,
+bumpin' the table and tan-rannin' wi' an old bucket till I was a'most
+scared out o' my life. But that winter he was nearly carried off wi' the
+New Mony, and when he got better he said he wasn't goin' to touch the
+spirits no more. 'There's summat in it,' he sez; 'but there's more in
+the stars.' And from that day I never 'eard 'im so much as talk about
+spirits, and you may be sure I didn't remind 'im on 'em.
+
+"You must ha' often 'eard 'im talk about the stars, sir. Well, I suppose
+them things makes no difference to a' eddicated gentleman like you. But
+poor folks, _I_ sez, has no business to meddle wi' em. All about worlds
+and worlds floatin' on nothin' till you got fair lost. Folks as find
+them things out ought to keep 'em quiet, that's wot _I_ sez. Why, I've
+'eard 'im talk till I was that mazed that I couldn't 'a said my prayers;
+no, not if I'd tried ever so.
+
+"Yes, sir, it were a strange thing that when my 'usband come to die his
+mind seemed to hang on his whistle more'n a'most anything else. He kep'
+talkin' about it all night, and sayin' the tall shepherd was answerin'
+back, though I never 'eard nothin' myself, save that one time I told yer
+of.
+
+"'It's queer he don't talk about the stars,' sez Mrs. Rowe to me. 'He
+will do before he's done, you see if he doesn't,' I sez.
+
+"Well, about three o'clock I see a change in his face and knowed as the
+end wasn't far off. So I puts my arm round his old neck, and I sez,
+'Bob, my dear, are you prepared to meet your Maker?' 'Oh! I'm all
+right,' he sez quite sensible; 'don't you bother your head about that,'
+'Don't you think you'd better let me send for the parson?' I sez. 'No,'
+he sez; 'but you could send for Sir Robert Ball--if you only knew where
+to find him.' 'But,' I sez, 'wouldn't you like somebody to pray with
+yer? Sir Robert Ball's no good for that,' 'He's as good as anybody
+else,' he sez. 'Besides what's the use of prayin' now? It's all over,'
+'It might do yer good,' I sez. 'It's too late," he sez, 'and I don't
+want it. It isn't no Maker I'm goin' to--I'm goin' to the stars,' 'Oh,'
+I sez, 'you're dreamin' again,' 'No, I'm not' he sez. 'Didn't I tell yer
+they'd been a-callin' on me all day? I don't mean the stars, but them as
+lives in 'em.'
+
+"No, sir, he wasn't wanderin' then. 'I wish the children was 'ere,' he
+sez; 'but you couldn't get 'em all in this little room. My eye, what a
+lot we've 'ad! And all livin'. And there's Tom got seven of 'is own,'
+And a lot more like that; but I was so upset and cryin' that I can't
+remember half on it.
+
+"About four o'clock he seemed to rally a bit and asked me to put my arm
+round him and lift him up. So I raises him, like, on the pillow and
+gives him a sup o' water. 'What day o' the week is it?' he sez. 'Sunday
+mornin',' I sez. 'That's my day for the stars,' he sez, and a smile come
+over his face, as were beautiful to see.... No, sir, he weren't a
+smilin' man, as a rule--he allus got too much on his mind--and a lot o'
+pain to bear too, sir. Oh, dear me!... Well, as I was a-sayin', he were
+as glad as glad when he heard it were Sunday. 'What's o'clock?' he sez.
+'Just struck four by the church clock,' I sez. 'Then the dawn must be
+breakin',' he sez; 'look out o' the winder, there's a good lass, and
+tell me if the sky's clear, and if you can see the mornin' star in the
+south-east.' So I goes to the winder and tells him as how the sky were
+clear and the mornin' star shinin' wonderful. 'Ah, she's a beauty,' he
+sez, 'and as bright as she were milions o' years ago!'
+
+"After a bit he sez, 'Take yer arm off, Polly, and lay me on my right
+side.' When me and Mrs. Rowe 'ad turned 'im round he sez, 'You can fetch
+the old Bible and read a bit if you like,' 'What shall I read?' I sez,
+when Mrs. Rowe had fetched it, for I wouldn't leave 'im for a minute.
+'Read about the Woman in Adultery,' he sez. 'Oh,' I sez, 'that'll do you
+no good. You don't want to 'ear about them things now.' 'Yes,' he sez,
+'I do. It's the best bit in the book. But if you can't find it, the Box
+o' Hointment'll do as well.' 'What can he mean?' I sez. 'He means about
+them two women as come to our Lord,' sez Mrs. Rowe. ''Ere, I'll find
+'em.' So I give the Bible to Mrs. Rowe and lets her read both of the
+bits he wanted.
+
+"While Mrs. Rowe was readin' he lay as still as still, but his eyes were
+that bright it a'most scared me to see 'em. When she'd done, he said
+never a word, but lay on 'is side, wi' 'is 'ead turned a bit round,
+starin' at the window. 'I'm sure he sees summat,' sez Mrs. Rowe to me.
+'I wonder wot it is,' I sez. 'P'raps it's our Lord come to fetch 'im,'
+she sez. 'I've 'eard o' such things.'
+
+"He must ha' lay like that for ten minutes, breathin' big breaths as
+though he were goin' to sleep. Then I sees 'is lips movin', and I 'ad to
+bend my 'ead down to 'ear what he were sayin'. 'He's a-blowin' again.
+It's the tall shepherd--'im as wrote on the ground--and he's got no dog,
+and 'is sheep's scatterin'. It's me he wants. Fetch the old whistle,
+Polly, and blow back. I want 'im to know I'm comin'.'
+
+"He kep' repeatin' it, till 'is breath went. I got Mrs. Rowe to blow the
+whistle, but he didn't 'ear it, and it made no difference. And so, poor
+thing, he just gave one big sigh and he were gone."
+
+
+
+
+FARMER PERRYMAN'S TALL HAT
+
+
+It was winter, and Farmer Perryman and I were seated in straight-backed
+arm-chairs on either side of his kitchen fire. The prosperity attendant
+on the labours of Snarley Bob had already begun: the house was roomy and
+well furnished; there was a parlour and a drawing-room; but Perryman,
+when the day's work was done, preferred the kitchen. And so did I.
+
+Though evening had fallen, the lamp was not yet lit; but the flames of a
+wood fire gave light enough for conversational purposes, and imparted to
+the flitches and hams suspended from the ceiling a lively reality which
+neither daylight nor petroleum could ever produce. As the shadows danced
+among them, the kitchen became peopled with friendly presences; a new
+fragrance pervaded the place, bearing a hint of good things to come. No
+wonder that Perryman loved the spot.
+
+To-night, however, there was another object in the room, of so alien a
+nature that any self-respecting ham or flitch, had it possessed a
+reasonable soul, would have been sorely tempted to "heave half a brick"
+at the intruder. This object stood gleaming on a table in the middle of
+the room. It was a bran-new and brilliantly polished tall hat.
+
+"No," said Farmer Perryman, "it's not for Sundays. It's for a weddin'!
+You'll never see me wearing a box-hat on Sundays again. Will he,
+missis?" (Mrs. Perryman said, "I don't expect he will.") "No sir, not
+again! Not that I don't mean to go to church regular. I've done that all
+my life.
+
+"Yes, you're quite right. Folks in the villages don't go to church as
+they used to do when I was a young man, and I'm sorry to see it. Folks
+nowadays seems to have forgotten as they've got to die. Besides, it's
+not good for farmin'. Show me any parish in the county where there's
+first-class farmin', and I'll bet you three to one there's a good
+congregation in the church.
+
+"What's driven 'em away, did you say? Well, if you want my opinion, it's
+my belief as this 'ere Church Restoration has as much to do wi' it as
+anything else. There's been a lot o' new doctrine, it's true, and all
+this 'ere 'Igh Churchism, as I could never make head nor tail of; and
+that, no doubt, has offended some o' the old-fashioned folk like me. But
+it's when they starts restoring the old churches, and makin' 'em all
+spick and span, that the religious feelin' seems to die out on 'em, and
+folks begins to stop goin'. You might as well be in a concert hall--the
+place full o' chairs and smellin' o' varnish enough to make you sick,
+and a lot o' lads in the chancel dressed up in white gowns, and suckin'
+sweets, and chuckin' paper pellets at one another all through the
+sermon. That's not what _I_ call religion!
+
+"I've often told our parson as it were the worst day's work he ever did
+when he had our church restored. And a lot o' money it cost, too; but
+not a penny would I give, and I told 'em I wouldn't--no, not if they'd
+gone down on their bended knees. From that day to this our church has
+never _smelt_ right--never smelt as a church _ought_ to smell. You know
+the smell of a' old church? Well, I don't know what makes it; but there
+it is, and when you've said your prayers to it for forty years you can't
+say 'em to no other.
+
+"I can remember what a turn it gave me that Sunday when the Bishop came
+down to open the church after it had been restored. The old smell clean
+gone, and what was worse a new smell come! 'Mr. Abel,' I says, 'I can
+put up wi' a bit of new doctrine, and I don't mind a pinch or two o'
+ceremony; but I can't abide these 'ere new smells,' 'I'll never be able
+to keep on comin',' I says to Charley Shott. 'Nor me, neither,' he says.
+"I'll go to church in another parish,' I says to my missis, 'for danged
+if you'll ever see me goin' inside a chapel.'
+
+"So I went next Sunday to Holliton, and--would you believe me?--it had a
+new smell, worse, if anything, than ours. There was a' old man in a
+black gown, and a long stick in his hand, walkin' up and down the aisle.
+So I says to him, 'What's up with this 'ere church? Has them candles on
+the altar been smokin'?' 'No,' he says, 'not as I know on.' 'Well,' I
+says, sniffin' like, 'there's a very queer smell in the place. It's not
+'ealthy. Summat ought to be done to it at once.' 'Hush!' he says, 'what
+you smells is the incense.' And then the Holliton clergyman! Well--I
+couldn't stand him at no price--a great, big, fat feller wi' no more
+religion in him than a cow--and not more'n six people in the church.
+'Not for me,' I says, 'not after Mr. Abel.'
+
+"Well, I didn't know what to do, when one day I sees Charley Shott
+comin' out o' our churchyard. 'Sam,' he says, 'I've just been sniffin'
+round inside the church, and there she is, all alive and kickin'!'
+'What's all alive and kickin'?' I says. 'The old smell,' says he; 'come
+inside, and I'll show you where she is.' So I follows Charley Shott into
+the church, and he takes me round to where the old tomb is, in the north
+transep'. 'Now,' he says, 'take a whiff o' that, Sam.' 'Charley,' I
+says, 'it's the right smell sure enough; and if only she won't wear off,
+I'll sit in this corner to the end o' my days.' 'She's not likely to
+wear off,' he says; 'she comes from the old tomb. It's a mixture o' damp
+and dust. Now, the damp's all right, because the heatin' pipes don't
+come round here; and, besides, the sun never gets into this corner. And
+as to the dust, you just take your pocket-handkerchief and give a flick
+or two round the bottom o' the tomb. That'll freshen her up any time.'
+
+"Well, you may laugh; but I tell you it's as true as I'm sittin' here. I
+allus goes to church in good time, and if my corner don't smell true, I
+just dusts her up a bit, and then she's as right as a trivet."
+
+"But," I said, "you were going to tell me about the tall hat."
+
+"Ha, so I was," replied Ferryman; "but the hat made me think o' the
+church, and that put me off. Well, it's no doin' o' mine that you see
+that hat where it is to-night. If I had my way it 'ud be in the place
+where it came from, and fifteen shillin's that's in another place 'ud be
+in my pocket. I'm not used to 'em, and what's more I never shall be. But
+a weddin's a weddin', and your niece is your niece, and when your missis
+says you've got to wear one--why, what's the use o' sayin' you won't?
+However, that's not the first tall hat as I've worn."
+
+"Tell me about the others," I said.
+
+"There was only one other, and that other was one 'other' too many for
+me," replied the farmer. "It's seven years come next hay harvest since
+my wife come into a bit of money as had been left her by her aunt.
+'Sam,' she says to me, 'we got a rise, and we must act up to it.' 'Right
+you are,' I says; 'but how are you goin' to start?' 'Well,' she says,
+'the first thing you've got to do is to leave off wearing billy-cocks on
+Sundays and buy a box-hat,' 'Polished 'ats,' I says, 'is for polished
+'eads, and mine was ordered plain,' 'If there's no polish on your 'ead,'
+says she, 'that's a reason for having some on your 'at.'
+
+"Well, we had a bit more chaff, and the end of it was that I promised to
+buy one, though, between you and me, I never meant to. However, when
+market-day come round, she _would_ go with me, and never a bit of peace
+did she give me till she'd driven me into a shop and made me buy the
+hat. 'I've bought it, Sally,' I said; 'but you'll _never_ see me wear
+it.' 'Oh yes, I shall,' she says; 'you're not nearly such a fool as you
+try to make yourself out.' Well, I went home that day just as mad as
+mad. If there's one thing in this world as upsets me it's spending money
+on things I don't want. And there was twelve-and-sixpence gone on a
+box-hat! If Sally hadn't kept hold on it I'd ha' kicked the whole thing
+half a mile further than the middle of next week. 'I'll get that
+twelve-and-sixpence back somehow,' I said to myself; 'you see if I
+don't. It's the Church that made me spend it, and the Church shall pay
+me back. If I didn't go to church I shouldn't have bought that hat. All
+right, Mr. Church,' I said, as I drove by it, shakin' my fist at the
+steeple, 'I'll be even with you yet'; and I shouted it out loud."
+
+"I should have thought your wife had more to do with it than the
+Church," I interposed.
+
+"Of course she had--in a plain sense o' speakin'," said the farmer. "But
+then your wife's your wife, especially when she's a good 'un, and the
+Church is the Church. Some men might ha' rounded on Sally; but I told
+her before we were married that the first bad word I gave her would be
+the answer to one she gave me. That's eight-and-twenty year ago, and we
+haven't begun yet. But where was I? Oh, I was tellin' you what I said to
+the church. You can guess what a rage I was in from my gettin' such a'
+idea into my 'ead."
+
+"No other reason?" I asked.
+
+"Not a drop," replied Perryman; "for I suppose that's what you mean. No,
+sir, I give it up once and for all ever since that time when Mrs. Abel
+followed me to Crawley Races. Ay, and the best day's work she ever
+did--and that's sayin' a good deal, I can tell you. I can see her just
+as she was. She were drivin' a little blood-mare as she'd bought o'
+me--one as I'd bred myself--for I were more in 'osses than sheep in them
+days--and Mrs. Abel were allus a lady as knowed a good 'oss when she see
+it. And there was Snarley Bob, in his Sunday clothes, sittin' on the
+seat behind. She'd got a little blue bonnet on, as suited her to a T,
+and were lookin' like a----"
+
+"Tell him about that some other time," said Mrs. Perryman; "if you go on
+at this rate you'll never get finished with the story about your hat."
+
+"Hats isn't everything," said the farmer; "but if hats is what you want
+to hear about, hats is what I'll talk on."
+
+Mrs. Perryman looked at me with a glance which seemed to say that, even
+though hats weren't everything, we had better stick to them on the
+present occasion. I interpreted the glance by saying to the farmer, "Go
+on about the hat. We can have the other next time." Mrs. Perryman seemed
+relieved, and her husband continued:
+
+"Well, next mornin' bein' Sunday, the missis managed to get her way, and
+off we sails to church--she in a silk dress, and me in a box-hat. We was
+twenty minutes before time, for I didn't want people to see us; but,
+just as we were crossing the churchyard, who should we meet but the
+parson and his lady? Know our parson? You're right: he's not only good,
+but good all through, fat, lean, and streaky. That's what he is, and you
+can take my word for it. Know his lady? No?" (I was a new-comer in those
+days.) "Well, you _ought_ to: she'd make you laugh till you choked, and
+next minute she'd make you cry. Mischievous? Why, if I should tell you
+the tricks she's played on people you wouldn't believe 'em. Ever hear
+what she did when the Squire's son come of age? Or about her dressing up
+at the Queen's Jubilee? No? Well, I'll tell you that another time. Oh,
+she's a treat--a real treat!" (Here Farmer Perryman broke forth into
+mighty laughter and banged his fist on the table with such vigour that
+Tall Hat the Second leaped into the air.)
+
+"Why doesn't Parson keep her under, did you say?" he continued. "Bless
+yer heart, he doesn't want to. She never harmed a living soul. Why, the
+good she's done to this parish couldn't be told. It'll take the whole of
+the Judgment Day to get through it, and then they won't ha' done--that's
+what folks says. Popular? I should think she _was_! There isn't a poor
+man or woman in the village as doesn't worship the soles of her boots.
+And there's not many, rich or poor, as she hasn't made fools of--yes,
+and more than once. They ought to write a book about her. It's a shame
+they don't. My eye, if she'd been Queen of England she'd ha' made things
+jump! As for finding things out, she's got a nose like that little
+terrier bitch o' mine. 'Pon my word, it wouldn't surprise me if she
+knows that you're sittin' in that chair at this minute. You mayn't
+believe me, but I tell you she's capable of more than that.
+
+"Yes, yes, she's gettin' an old woman now. I remember the day as Parson
+brought her home--a quiet-looking little thing, with a face like a tame
+rabbit--you wouldn't ha' thought she could 'a bitten a hole in the cheek
+of a' apple. Some say she was a' actress before he married her; she's
+_clever_ enough for twenty actresses, and she's _better_ than twenty
+thousand."
+
+"Those are impressive figures," I said, not a little puzzled by the sum
+in moral arithmetic which the farmer's enthusiasm had propounded. "Why,
+she must be a perfect saint."
+
+The words were scarcely out of my mouth when Mr. Perryman rose from his
+chair like a man in wrath. Inadvertently I had used an expression which
+acted like a spark upon gunpowder. Intending to praise his idol, I had
+for some obscure reason wounded the passionate old man in the most
+sensitive nerve of his being. I sat amazed, not understanding what I had
+done, and even now I do not pretend to understand it wholly. But this is
+what happened. Standing over me with fierce gesticulations, Mr. Perryman
+poured out a fury of words, only fragments of which I can now recall.
+
+"Perfect saint!" he shouted. "Do you know who it is you're talking
+about? No, you don't, or you'd never have said such a word! Look here,
+mister, let me tell yer this: you're on the wrong side of your 'osses
+this time! She's no more a saint than _I_ am; if she had been, do you
+think she could ha' done the best thing she ever did?"
+
+"Great heavens!" I thought, "what can he mean?--I'm sorry you're hurt,"
+I said aloud. "I meant no offence. Only you said just now she was as
+good as twenty thousand----"
+
+"_Actresses_," broke in the farmer. "I said twenty thousand
+actresses--not twenty thousand _lambs_."
+
+"Oh, well," I replied, "of course, there's a great difference between
+the two things, and I was stupid not to think of it before. Whatever she
+may be, it's plain you admire her, and that's enough." I was anxious to
+break the current of Mr. Perryman's thoughts, and recover the history of
+the Tall Hat, the thread of which had been so unexpectedly snapped.
+
+"Admire her!" cried the old man, who was evidently not to be put off.
+"And why shouldn't I? Who was it that dug Sam Perryman out of the mud
+when he was buried in it up to his neck--yes, and got half smothered
+with mud herself in doing it? But do you think she _cared_? Not she!
+Snapped her fingers in the face of half the county, that she did, and
+what's more she gave some of 'em a taste of the whip as they won't
+forget! Now listen, and I'll tell you something that'll make your hair
+curl."
+
+I swiftly resolved not to listen, for the farmer was beside himself with
+excitement and not responsible for what he was doing. I saw that I was
+about to discover what I was never intended to know. Dim recollections
+came to my mind of a grotesque but terrible story, known to not more
+than four living souls, the names and personalities in which had for
+good reasons been carefully concealed from me and from others. That
+Farmer Perryman was one actor in that tragedy, and that Mrs. Abel was
+another, had been already revealed past recalling. More than this it was
+unseemly that I should hear.
+
+The figure of the old man, as he stood before me then, is one of those
+images that cannot be effaced. His voice was broken, his lips were
+parted and quivering, his form rigid but unsteady, and the furrows on
+his brow ran into and crossed one another like the lines on a tragic
+mask. He was about to proceed, and I to protest against his doing so,
+when an incident occurred which relieved the tension and gave a new turn
+to the course of events.
+
+Mrs. Perryman, who had left the room when the farmer resumed the history
+of the Tall Hat, though not to go beyond the reach of hearing, now
+emerged from the shadows and said in a quiet voice, "Sam, stop talking a
+minute, and attend to business. Snarley Bob's at the back door, and
+wants to know if you're going to keep him waiting all night. He come for
+his wages at five o'clock, and it's struck six some time ago."
+
+"Give him a mug o' ale, and tell him to go home," said Sam.
+
+"I've given him two mugs already, and he says he must see you afore he
+goes."
+
+"Wait where you are," said Mr. Perryman to me, "and I'll be back in half
+a shake."
+
+The Perrymans withdrew together, leaving me alone. I listened to the
+voices in the next room and could distinguish those of the farmer and
+his wife, urgent but subdued. I could not hear the voice of Snarley Bob.
+Then I drew conclusions, and searched in the recesses of my memory for a
+forgotten clue. Gazing into the fire, I saw three separate strands of
+smoke roll themselves into a single column, and rush upwards into the
+darkness of the chimney. The thing acted as a stimulus to recollection,
+for it spoke of three human lives flowing onwards to the Unknown in a
+single stream of destiny: Mrs. Abel, Farmer Perryman, Snarley Bob--and
+further articulations would have followed had not the re-entry of the
+Perrymans disturbed the process and plunged it back beneath the
+threshold of consciousness. The farmer's wife sat down between us, in
+front of the fire.
+
+"I want to hear him finish the story of the Tall Hat," she said. "With
+me by he's less likely to put the frilling on."
+
+"Let's see--where was I?" said Perryman.
+
+"You'd come to the place where you met the parson and his lady in the
+churchyard," I said.
+
+"Ha, so I had," replied the farmer. "I can see her at this very minute
+just as she was. She looked----"
+
+"Never mind what she _looked_ like: tell us what she _said_,"
+interrupted Mrs. Perryman.
+
+"She says, 'Good-morning, Mr. Perryman. How much?'--looking 'ard at my
+'at all the time. I guessed she was up to some devilry, so I thought I
+would put her wrong a bit. 'A guinea, ma'am,' says I. She looks at my
+'at again and says, 'Mr. Perryman, you've been took in. Twelve-and-six
+would have been more than enough for that 'at.' 'Oh,' says I to myself,
+'you've been nosing round already, 'ave you?' I suppose I must have
+looked a bit foolish like--I'm sure I felt it,--but she didn't give me
+no time to speak. 'Wouldn't you like to have that guinea back in your
+pocket?' says she, putting a funny sound on the 'guinea.' 'Yes,' I says;
+'and, what's more, I mean to get it back.' 'Oh indeed,' says she, and a
+look come into her face as though she was putting two and two together.
+After a bit she says, 'Mr. Perryman, was that your trap that drove by
+about half-past seven last night?' 'Yes,' I says; and I might have known
+from that minute she was going to do a down on me.
+
+"However, I'd made up my mind how I was goin' to get that money back,
+and I wasn't goin' to change for nobody. You must understand there's a
+weekly offertory in our church. There was a lot of objection when Parson
+started it years ago. But, you see, he's always been a bit 'Igh." ("Much
+too High for me," here interposed Mrs. Perryman.) "Yes, I've warned him
+about it several times. 'Mr. Abel,' I says to him, 'you're 'Igh enough
+already. Now, you take my advice, and don't you get no 'Igher.' That was
+when he started the offertory.
+
+"Well, I'm the sort of man that when I gives, I gives. Ever since the
+offertory was begun my missis puts a two-shillin' piece into the
+waistcoat-pocket of my Sunday suit--don't you, Sally?" (Sally
+nodded)--"regular every Monday morning when she brushes my clothes, so
+there's no doubt about its being there when Sunday comes. That's for
+collection.
+
+"And now you can understand my plan. I'd made up to give one shillin'
+instead o' two, Sunday by Sunday, till I'd paid for my new box-hat.
+That's how I was goin' to get even with the Church.
+
+"I kep' it up regular for twelve weeks, counting 'em off one by one. I
+didn't bother about the sixpence. Meanwhile two or three other farmers,
+not wanting to be put in the shade by me--or more likely it was their
+missises--had begun to wear box-hats o' Sunday. There was Tom Henderson,
+who's no more fit to wear a box-hat than his bull is; and there was old
+Charley Shott--know him?--a man with a wonderful appetite for pig-meat
+is old Charley Shott. It would ha' made you die o' laughin' to see old
+Charley come shufflin' up the church just like this" (here the farmer
+executed an imitative _pas seul_), "sit down in his seat, and say his
+prayers into his box-hat same as I'm doing now." (He took Tall Hat the
+Second from the table, and poured--or rather puffed--an imaginary
+petition into its interior.)
+
+"Now, listen to what happened next. The very day after I'd put the last
+shillin' into the plate--that was three months, you must remember, after
+I'd bought the 'at--up comes a note from the cook at the Rectory, saying
+as the weekly order for butter was to be reduced from six pounds to
+five. 'I suppose it's because Master Norman's goin' to boarding school,'
+I says to the missis. 'Not it,' says she, 'one mouth more or less don't
+make no difference in a big household like that. Besides, they're not
+the people to cut it fine.' 'I wonder what it means,' I says. But I
+hadn't long to wait. About a fortnight later I met old Charley Shott and
+says to him, jokin' like, 'Well, Charley, how much did you pay for your
+Sunday box-hat?' 'Cost me nothing,' said Charley laughin'. 'I've run up
+a little bill against his Reverence for that 'at. And, what's more, I've
+made him pay it! By the way,' says he, 'what's become o' their appetites
+down at the Rectory? We've just received warnin' as no more poultry'll
+be wanted till further orders.' 'I don't know,' says I; but it was a
+lie, for it come over me in a flash what it all meant. Even then,
+however, I wasn't _quite_ sure.
+
+"However, it was twenty-one weeks before I got the final clearing-up.
+Thirty-three weeks to the very day, reckoning from the Saturday which I
+bought the 'at, comes another message from the Rectory: 'Please send six
+pounds of butter as before.'
+
+"Next day I went to church as usual. No sooner did Mr. Abel give out his
+text than I saw it all, plain as daylight. The text was something about
+'robbery of God.' There was not a thing I've told you about the 'at that
+was not put into that sermon. Of course, it was roundabout--all about
+pearls and precious stones and such like; but it was my box-hat he was
+driving at all the time. It was Solomon mostly as he talked about; but I
+nearly jumped out of my seat when he made Solomon shake his fist at the
+'Oly Temple on Mount Zion and say almost the very words as I said as I
+drove by the church that Saturday night. First he went for me, and then
+he went for Charley Shott, and I can tell you that he twisted the tails
+of both on us to a pretty tune! Says I to myself, 'Don't I know who's
+put you up to preaching that sermon?' And more than seven months gone
+since it happened! Think of that for a memory! And she sitting in her
+pew with a face as smooth as a dish o' cream.
+
+"Well, I was churchwarden that year, and of course had to take the plate
+round. When I comes to the Rector's pew I see Mrs. Abel openin' a little
+purse. First she takes out a sovereign, and then a shilling, and says to
+me, quite clear, as she dropped 'em into the plate, 'All right, Mr.
+Church, I'll be even with you yet! And here's another two pounds
+fifteen. You can tell Charley Shott and Tom Henderson, and all the lot
+on 'em, as they've paid for their Sunday 'ats. And give 'em all my kind
+regards.' Then she counts the money out as deliberate as if she were
+payin' the cook's wages, and drops it into the plate wi' a clatter as
+could be heard all over the church. She must ha' kep' me waitin' full
+two minutes, all the congregation starin' and wonderin' what was up, and
+me lookin' like a silly calf.
+
+"When I come out of church my wife says to me, 'Sam, what's that you and
+Mrs. Abel was whispering about?' 'You mind your own business,' I says,
+and for the first time since we were married we was very near coming to
+words."
+
+
+
+
+A GRAVEDIGGER SCENE
+
+
+It was Sunday evening, and the congregation had dispersed. I was
+making my way into the church to take a last look at a famous
+fourteenth-century tomb. Not a soul was visible; but the sound of a pick
+and the sight of fresh earth announced that the sexton was at work
+digging a grave. I walked to the spot. A bald head, the shining top of
+which was now level with the surface of the ground, raised the hope that
+he would prove to be a sexton of the old school. I was not disappointed.
+
+"Good evening," I said.
+
+"A good evening to you, sir," said the sexton, pausing in his work with
+the air of a man who welcomed an excuse to rest.
+
+"And whose grave is that you're digging?" I asked.
+
+"Old Sally Bloxham--mother to Tom Bloxham--him as keeps the 'Spotted
+Pig.' And a bad job for him as she's gone. If it hadn't been for old
+Sally he'd ha' drunk hisself to death long ago. And who may _you_ be?"
+he asked, as though realising that this sudden burst of confidential
+information was somewhat rash.
+
+"Oh, I'm nobody in particular. Just passing through and taking a look
+around."
+
+"Ah! there's lots as comes lookin' round, nowadays. More than there used
+to be. Why, bless your life, I remember the time when you nivver seed a
+soul in this village except the home-dwellers. And now there's bicycles
+and motor cars almost every day. Most on 'em just pokes their noses
+round, and then off they goes. Some wants to see the tomb inside, and
+then there's a big stone over an old doorway at the back o' the church,
+what they calls ''Arrowing o' 'Ell,' though _I_ don't know what it
+means. You've 'eard on it? Well, I suppose it's something wonderful; but
+_I_ could nivver see no 'Arrow and no 'Ell."
+
+"I'll tell you what, sexton," I said, noticing some obviously human
+bones in the earth at his graveside, "this churchyard needs a bit of new
+ground."
+
+"Ye're right there," said he, "it's needed that a good many years. But
+we can't get no new ground. Old Bob Cromwell as owns the lands on that
+side won't sell, and Lord ---- won't give, so wot are yer to do? Why, I
+do believe as there's hundreds and thousands of people buried in this
+little churchyard. It's a big parish, too, and they've been burying
+their dead here since nobody knows when. Bones? Why, in some parts
+there's almost as much bones as there is clay. Yer puts in one, and yer
+digs up two: that's about what it comes to. I sometimes says to my
+missis, 'I wonder who they'll dig up to make room for me.' 'Yes,' she
+says, 'and I wonder who you'll be dug up to make room for.' It's
+scandalous, that's what I says."
+
+"But does the law allow you to disturb these old graves?"
+
+"It does when they're old _enough_. But you can't be over particular in
+a place no bigger than this. Of course, we're a bit careful like. But
+ask no questions, and I'll tell yer no lies."
+
+"But this grave you're digging now; how long is it since the last
+interment was made in the same ground?"
+
+"Well, that's a pretty straight 'un. That's what I call coming to the
+point!--Thank 'ee, sir--and good luck to you and yours!--However, since
+you seem a plain-dealing gentleman I'll tell you summat as I wouldn't
+tell everybody. You poke your stick about in that soil over there, and
+you'll find some bits as belonged to Sam Wiggin's grandfather on his
+mother's side." (I poked my stick as directed.) "That's his tooth you've
+got now; but I won't swear to it, as things had got a bit mixed, no
+doubt, afore they put him in. Wait a bit, though. What's under that big
+lump at the end o' my spade?" (He reached out his spade and touched a
+clod; I turned it over and revealed the thing it hid: he examined it
+carefully.) "You see, you can generally tell after a bit o' practice
+what belongs to what. Putting two and two together--what with them bones
+coming up so regular, and that bit o' coffin furniture right on the top
+on 'em--I reckon we've struck 'im much as he was put down in '62."
+
+"Are none of his relatives living?" I asked.
+
+"Why, yes, of course they're living. Didn't I tell yer he was
+grandfather to Sam Wiggin--that's 'im as farms the Leasowes at t'other
+end of the village. What'll he say?--why, nothing o' course. Them as
+sees nothing, says nothing."
+
+"But," I said, "if Sam comes to church next Sunday he'll see his
+grandfather's bones sticking out all over this grave."
+
+"'Ow's 'e to know they're his grandfather's? There's no name on 'em,"
+said the sexton.
+
+"But surely he will remember that his grandfather was buried in this
+spot."
+
+"Not 'im! 'E don't bother 'is 'ead about grandfathers. Sam Wiggin!
+Doesn't know 'e ever had a grandfather. Somebody else might take it up?
+Not in this parish. Besides, we've all got used to it. Folks here is all
+mixed up wi' one another while they're living, so they don't mind
+gettin' a bit mixeder when they're dead."
+
+"But is the parson used to it along with the rest of you?"
+
+"Well, yer see, I allus clears up before he comes to bury--ribs and
+shins and big 'un's as won't break up. Skulls breaks up easy; you just
+catches them a snope with yer spade, and they splits up down the
+joinin'. Week afore last I dug up two beauties under that yew; anybody
+might a' kep' 'em for a museum. I've knowed them as would ha' done it,
+and sold 'em for eighteenpence apiece. But I couldn't bring my mind to
+it."
+
+"So you just broke them up, I suppose?"
+
+"No, I didn't. One on 'em belonged to a man as I once knowed; leastways
+I remember him as a young chap. He was underkeeper at the Hall. The
+young woman he wanted to marry wouldn't 'ave 'im, so he shot hisself wi'
+a rook gun. I knowed it was 'im by the 'ole in 'is 'ead, no bigger nor a
+pea. Just think o' that! No bigger nor a big pea, I tell yer, and as
+round as if it had been done wi' a punch. I told my missis about it when
+I went 'ome to my tea. I says, 'Do yer remember 'Arry Pole, the young
+keeper in the old lord's time, what shot hisself over that affair wi'
+Polly Towers?' 'Remember 'im?' she says. 'Why, I used to go out walking
+wi' 'im myself afore he took up wi' Polly.' 'I thought you did,' I says;
+'well, there's 'is skull. See that little 'ole in it, clean as if it had
+been cut wi' a punch? He never shot hisself, not 'e!' Why, bless yer
+heart, doesn't it stand to sense that if 'e'd done it 'isself, he'd
+a'most ha' blowed 'is 'ead off, leastways made a 'ole a lot bigger nor
+that? And wot's more, there'd ha' been a 'ole on the other side, and
+there wasn't any sign o' one."
+
+"But perhaps it wasn't 'Arry Pole's skull?"
+
+"Yes, it was. Why, where's the sense of its not bein'? I remember his
+bein' buried as if it was yesterday, and I knowed the spot quite well.
+And do you think it likely that two men 'ud be put in the same grave
+both wi' rook bullets in their 'eads? If it wasn't 'Arry Pole, who was
+it?"
+
+"But wasn't all this gone into at the inquest?"
+
+"Well, you see, it's over forty years since it 'appened; but I can
+remember as the 'ole were looked into, and there was a good deal o' talk
+at the time. There was two men as said they seed him wi' the gun in his
+hand, and a mournful look on his face, like. And so, what wi' one thing
+and another, when they couldn't find who else had killed him, they give
+the verdict as he must ha' killed hisself. So, you see, they made it out
+some'ow. But you'll never make me believe 'e did it 'isself--not after
+I've seen that 'ole."
+
+"I wonder who shot him," I said meditatively.
+
+"Yes, and you'll 'ave to go on wondering till the Judgment Day. You'll
+find out then. All I can tell yer is that it wasn't me, and it wasn't
+Polly Towers. However, when I found his skull I didn't break it as I do
+wi' most on 'em. I just kep' it in a bag and put it back when I filled
+in the grave.
+
+"But you were askin' me about Parson. Well, I telled him the state o'
+the churchyard when he come to the living. At first he took it pretty
+easy. 'Hide 'em as far as you can, Johnny,' he says to me. 'And remember
+there's this great consolation--they'll all be sorted out on the
+Judgment Day.'
+
+"But one day something 'appened as give Parson a pretty start. It was
+one of these chaps in motors, I reckon, as did it. I see him one
+Saturday night rootin' about the churchyard and lookin' behind them
+laurels where I used to pitch all the bits and bobs of bone as I see
+lying about. I've often wished I'd took the number on his motor, and
+then we'd ha' catched him fine! But he was a gentlemanly-looking young
+feller, and I didn't suspect nothing at the time.
+
+"Well, next morning, when Parson comes to read the Service, what do you
+think he found? Why, there was a man's thigh-bone, large as life, stuck
+in the middle of the big Prayer-Book at the Psalms for the day. Then,
+when he opens the Bible to read the lessons, blessed if there wasn't a
+coffin-plate, worn as thin as a sheet of paper, marking the place, Then
+he goes into the pulpit, and the first thing he sees was a jawbone full
+of teeth lyin' on the cushion; there was ribs in the book-rack; there
+was a tooth in his glass of water; there was bones everywhere--you never
+see such a sight in all yer life! The young man must ha' taken a
+basketful into the church. Some he put into the pews, some into the
+collectin' boxes, some under the cushions--you never knew where you were
+going to find 'em next!"
+
+"That was a blackguardly thing to do," I said. "The man who did it
+deserves the cat."
+
+"So he does," said Johnny. "But I can tell yer, it's made us more
+partikler ever since. Everything behind them laurel bushes was cleared
+out and buried next day, and, my eye, you wouldn't believe what a lot
+there was! Barrer-loads!
+
+"I'm told that when Lord ----, up at the Hall, heard on it, he nearly
+killed hisself wi' laughin'. There's some folks"--here Johnny lowered
+his voice--"there's some folks _as thinks that his lordship 'ad a 'and
+in it hisself_. Some says it was one of them wild chaps as 'e's allus
+got staying with him. That's more likely, in my opinion. But it wouldn't
+surprise me, just between you and me, to hear some day that his lordship
+was going to give us a bit o' new ground."
+
+
+
+
+HOW I TRIED TO ACT THE GOOD SAMARITAN
+
+
+One of the chief actors in the incident about to be related was a
+machine, and it is important that the reader should have this machine in
+his mind's eye. It was a motor-bicycle, furnished in the midst with a
+sputtering little engine, said to contain in its entrails the power of
+three horses and a half. To the side thereof was attached a small
+vehicle like a bath-chair, in which favoured friends of the writer are
+from time to time either permitted or invited to ride.
+
+On this occasion the bath-chair was empty, and a long journey was
+drawing to a close. It is true that at various periods of the day I had
+enjoyed the company of a passenger in this humble but lively little
+carriage. The first had been a clergyman, who, I believe, had invented a
+distant engagement for the sole purpose of inducing me to give him a
+ride in my car. To him there had succeeded a series of small boys,
+picked up in various villages, each of whom, at the conclusion of a
+brief but mad career through space, was duly dismissed with a penny and
+a strict injunction to be a good lad to his mother. The last lift had
+been given to an aged wayfarer whose weary and travel-stained appearance
+had excited my compassion. No sooner, however, was the machine under
+weigh than I discovered, in spite of my will to believe otherwise, that
+my passenger was suffering not from fatigue, but from intoxication. To
+get rid of him was no easy matter, and the employment of stratagem
+became necessary. What the stratagem was, I shall pass over; I will only
+say that it was not in accordance with any _recognised_ form of the
+categorical imperative. However, the ruse succeeded, and now, as I have
+said, the car was empty. Thus were concluded the prolegomena to that
+great act of altruism which was to crown the day.
+
+It was in a part of the country consecrated by the genius of a great
+novelist (as what part of England is not?) that these things took place.
+I found myself in the narrow streets of an ancient town--and it was
+market-day. The roadway was thronged with red-faced men and women; and
+flocks of sheep, herds of cattle and pigs, provided the motor-cyclist
+with a severe probation to the nerves. With much risk to myself, and not
+a little to other people, I emerged from this place of danger and
+joyfully swept over the bridge into the broad highway beyond the town.
+
+Turning a corner, I became suddenly aware that the road a hundred yards
+ahead was again blocked. Two carriers' carts, a brewer's waggon, and
+some other miscellaneous vehicles were drawn up anyhow in the road, and
+the drivers of these, having descended from their various perches, were
+gathered around a figure lying prostrate on the ground. I, too, alighted
+and forced my way into the group. In the midst was an old man, his
+countenance pallid as death, save where a broad stream of blood pouring
+from a gash two inches long, crimsoned his cheek from eye to chin. There
+was a great bruise on his temple, and again on the back of his head--for
+he had spun round in falling--was a lump the size of a pullet's first
+egg.
+
+"'Oss ran away and pitched him on the curb," said one whom I questioned.
+"He's dying," said another, "if not already dead." For myself, I turned
+sick at the sight; nevertheless, I could not help being struck by the
+vigorous actions and attitude of an old woman, who, armed with a bucket
+of water and a roller towel, seemed to be not merely bathing his wounds,
+but giving the whole man a bath. I also noted the figure of a clergyman,
+of whom all that I distinctly recall is that he had a tassel round his
+hat.
+
+"We must take him to the hospital," said I. "No," said an elderly man;
+"he'll be dead before you get him there. He's nearly gone already.
+Better fetch a doctor."
+
+"Has anybody got a bicycle?" said the clergyman in the slightly
+imperious accents of Keble College. "Yes," I replied, "I've got one, and
+just the sort of bicycle for this business, too." "You'd better fetch
+Ross," said the same voice, speaking once more in the tones which
+indicate conscious possession of the Last Word on Everything Whatsoever.
+"No," said the old woman, with enough defiance in her manner to frighten
+a Pope, "No, Ross's no good. Fetch Conklin." "All right," I said; "if
+one of you will show me where Conklin lives, I'll fetch him in a brace
+of shakes."
+
+Instantly the whole company, saving only the parson and the old woman,
+volunteered. Selecting one who seemed of lighter weight than the rest
+(he was a boy), I jumped up, called to my three horses, yoked up the
+half-horse (kept in reserve for great occasions), and, letting all loose
+at once, drove at top speed in the direction of Conklin's abode.
+
+Then was seen in the streets of that old town such a scurrying and
+scattering, both of men and beast, as the world has not beheld since the
+most desperate moments of John Gilpin's ride. Back over the bridge,
+where Cavaliers and Roundheads once stood at push of pike for fifty
+minutes by "the towne clocke"; through the market-place, where the
+cheap-jack ceased lying that he might regard us; past the policeman at
+the Cross (slower at this point); up the steep gradient of the High
+Street; right through a flock of geese (illustrious bird! who not only
+warnest great cities of impending ruin, but keepest thyself out of
+harm's way better than any four-footed beast of the field), we drove our
+headlong course; and, in less time than this paragraph has taken to
+write I stood on the doorstep, of the doctor's house. In another minute
+I had seen him and told my tale.
+
+The doctor received my gushings with perfect impassivity, and responded
+with the merest apology for a grunt. But the repeated allusion to
+flowing blood seemed at last to rouse him. He seized a black bag that
+stood on the table, thrust in the necessary tackle, and said, "Come
+along."
+
+In the race back to the Field of Blood, I had no leisure to analyse the
+structure of Conklin's mind. But a few remarks which he shouted in my
+ear revealed the fact that his interests were by no means confined to
+the performance of professional duty. I could not help wondering what
+Ross was like. If any reader should be taken suddenly ill while staying
+in that town, my advice, formed mainly on negative data, would be to
+send for Ross during the acute stage of the malady, and to try Conklin's
+treatment in convalescence. Or, better still, call them both in at once,
+and then take your choice.
+
+These mental observations were scarcely completed when a turn in the
+road brought us in sight of our goal. Will the reader believe me when I
+tell him that the goal seemed to have vanished? I could scarcely believe
+it myself. Not a soul was to be seen. Stare as I would, no human form,
+living or dead, prostrate or upright, wounded or whole, answered to my
+gaze. Men, horses, and carts--all were gone! The whole insubstantial
+pageant had faded, leaving not a wrack behind.
+
+"This is the place," I said to Conklin; "but the man has disappeared."
+For answer, he looked fixedly into the pupil of my left eye, expecting,
+no doubt, to find there unmistakable signs of lunacy. "Wait a bit," I
+cried, divining his thoughts; "here's somebody who will clear it up."
+And I pointed to a cottage-door at which I suddenly espied the old woman
+whose handling of the roller-towel had so impressed me. "Where," I
+shouted, addressing her, "where is the wounded man?" "Took away," was
+the laconic reply. "Took away!" I said; "and who has had the impudence
+to take him away?"
+
+"Why," said the old woman, "you hadn't been gone more'n two minutes when
+his niece--her as keeps his house--comes driving home in a big cart.
+'Hello!' she says, 'blest if that isn't Uncle Fred!' 'Yes,' says one of
+'em, 'and got it pretty badly this time, I can tell yer. There's a
+gentleman just gone to fetch Conklin.' 'Conklin?' says she. 'I'll
+Conklin 'im! Who do you think's going to pay 'im? Not _me_! Let 'im as
+fetches 'im pay 'im. 'Ere,' she says, 'some of yer help to put this old
+man on the bottom of my cart, and look sharp, or Conklin'll be here in a
+minute.' So they shoves the poor old thing on to the floor of the cart
+with a sack of 'taters to keep him steady, and Eliza--that's her
+name--'its the 'oss with a long stick as she carried instead of a whip,
+sets off at full gallop, and was out of sight almost before you could
+say so. Somebody else took the old man's pony, and the rest of 'em all
+made off as fast as they could."
+
+"And what did that clergyman do?" I asked.
+
+"Jumped on his bicycle and went 'ome to his tea," said the old woman.
+
+"The sneak!" I cried.
+
+"You couldn't ha' used a better word," said the old woman, "and there's
+plenty of people in this parish who'd be glad to hear you say it. And
+the worst of it is, there's plenty more like him!" This last was shouted
+with great emphasis, perhaps with a view to Conklin's edification, but
+at all events with the air of a person who could produce supporting
+evidence were such to be demanded.
+
+There was a pause, and I endeavoured to collect my thoughts. "Doctor," I
+said, making a desperate attempt to get as near the Good Samaritan as
+these untoward developments rendered possible, "Doctor, what's your
+fee?"
+
+"The expression on your face is the best fee I've had for a long time,"
+said the doctor; "I'm sorry I didn't bring my kodak."
+
+"Doctor Conklin," I resumed, "I'll tell you one thing. You and this old
+lady are the only members of the company who carry away an untarnished
+reputation from this episode. As for me, I have been made a perfect fool
+of. As for the rest of them,"--I waited for words to come, and, finally
+lapsing into melodrama, said--"as for the rest of them, I leave them to
+the company of their own consciences."
+
+"There's one of 'em as hasn't got any," said the old woman.
+
+
+
+
+"MACBETH" AND "BANQUO" ON THE BLASTED HEATH
+
+
+The scene was the top of a lofty hill in Northamptonshire, crossed by
+the high road to London. The time, late afternoon of a dark and
+thunderous day in July.
+
+I had journeyed many miles that day--on wheels, according to the fashion
+of this age--and had passed and overtaken hundreds, literally hundreds,
+of tramps. With some of these I had already conversed as we sheltered
+from recurrent storms under hedges or wayside trees; and I had
+committed, with a joyful conscience, all the vices of indiscriminate
+charity.
+
+But now the rain came on in earnest. Blacker and blacker grew the skies,
+and, just as I reached the top of this shelterless hill, the windows of
+heaven were opened, and the flood burst.
+
+No house was in sight. But, looking round me, in that spirit of despair
+bred of black weather and a wet skin, I saw, in a large bare field, a
+shepherd's box--a thing on wheels, large enough, perhaps, to accommodate
+a prosperous vendor of ice-cream. Abandoning my iron friend to the cold
+mercies of the ditch, I scaled the wall, crossed the field, and dived
+into the dry interior of the box. At one bound I entered into full
+possession of the freedom of Diogenes in his tub, with no Alexander to
+bother me. The absolute seclusion of the country was all my own.
+
+The box was closed by a half-door, with an aperture above facing towards
+the road. Had the animal inside possessed four legs instead of two, his
+body would have filled the box, and his head would have projected into
+the rain. Though my head was inside, I could see well enough what was
+going on in the road. Presently there passed two cyclists--a young man
+and woman--racing through the storm. I shouted to them, but my voice was
+drowned in the din. Some minutes elapsed, during which I had the company
+of my thoughts. Then suddenly there appeared on the wall the incarnate
+figures of two tramps, unquestionably such. They had seen the box, and
+were making tracks for it with all their might.
+
+I confess that for a moment my spirit quailed within me. Seen at that
+distance, the newcomers looked ugly customers; they had me in a trap,
+and, had I possessed pistols, I verily believe that I should have
+"looked to the priming." But, having no alternatives of that kind before
+me, necessity determined the policy I was to pursue, and I resolved at
+once for a friendly attitude. Waiting till the tramps were well within
+hearing, I thrust my head from the aforesaid aperture and cried aloud as
+follows:
+
+"Walk up, gentlemen! It's my annual free day. No charge for seats."
+
+Macbeth and Banquo were not more affrighted by the apparition of witches
+on the blasted heath than were these two individuals when they heard the
+voice from the box, and saw the face of him that spake. They stopped
+dead, stared, and, though I won't give this on oath, turned pale. I
+believe they were genuinely scared.
+
+Presently one of them--say Macbeth--broke into a loud and merry laugh.
+The sound of it was worth more to me at that moment than a sheaf of
+testimonials, for I remembered Carlyle's dictum that there is nothing
+irremediably wrong with any man who can utter a hearty laugh.
+
+"All right, guvnor," came the reply, "we'll take two stalls in the front
+row."
+
+"Good!" I replied. "Wire just received from the Prince and Princess of
+Wales resigning their seats! Bring your own opera-glasses, and don't
+forget the fans."
+
+"Got 'em both," said Macbeth.
+
+A moment later I found myself in close physical proximity to two of the
+dirtiest rascals in Christendom. A reconciler of opposites, bent on
+knocking our heads together, would have had an easy task, for there was
+not more than eight inches between them. Misfortunes are said to bring
+out the fragrance of noble natures, and I can testify that the wetting
+these men had received most effectually brought out the fragrance of
+theirs. And the ventilation was none too good.
+
+The language in which the newcomers proceeded to introduce themselves
+was not of the kind usually printed, though it had a distinctly
+theological tinge. More strenuous blasphemy I have never heard on
+land--or sea.
+
+The introductions concluded--they were sufficient--Macbeth, as though
+suddenly recollecting an interrupted train of thought, broke out: "Say,
+mister, did yer see them two go by on bicycles just now?"
+
+"Yes."
+
+"Well, I see 'em, quarter of a mile oop the road, crouching oonder
+t'hedge"--he spoke Yorkshire[4]--"wet to skin, and she nowt on but a
+cotton blouse. So I sez to her, 'My dear, ye'll get yer death o' cold,'
+'Yes,' she says, 'and me with a weak chest.' Pore young thing, I'm fair
+sorry for her. I towd t'young man to tek his co-at off and put it
+ra-ownd her. 'That'll do no good,' he sez; 'she's wet through a'ready.'
+'Well,' I sez, 'she's not been wet through all her life, has she? Why
+didn't you put it on her while she were dry? Sense? You've got no more
+sense nor a blind rabbit.' But it was no good. My! What rain! Nivver see
+nothing like it. They'll be fair drownded. I think I'll go and fetch 'em
+in. Holy potatoes!" (Will anyone explain this expression? It was evoked
+by a crash of thunder which burst immediately above the box and seemed
+to hurl us into space.)
+
+[Footnote 4: The reader who would get the full flavour of Macbeth's
+conversation should translate it, if he can, into a broad Yorkshire
+dialect. This I have indicated here and there by the spelling of a word,
+which is as far as, or perhaps farther than, my own competence extends.]
+
+"No good fetching 'em in now," I replied, taking a point of view which I
+afterwards saw to have been that of the Priest and the Levite. "They'd
+suffer more damage getting here than staying where they are. Besides,
+where would you put 'em?"
+
+"That's trew," said Macbeth. "This ain't no place for ladies, anyhow."
+(It wasn't!) "But just think of that pore young thing--nowt on, I tell
+yer, but a cotton blouse. Hello! there's a cart coming. I'll tell t'man
+to tek 'em oop."
+
+Out jumped Macbeth into the pelting rain, and presently I heard him
+shouting to the man in charge: "Hey, mister! There's a young man and
+woman crouching under t'hedge oop t'ro-ad. She nowt on but a cotton
+blouse! It isn't sa-afe, yer know, in this thoonder and lightnin'. Tek
+her oop, and put a sack or two on her."
+
+I gathered the result of the interview was satisfactory to Macbeth, for
+presently he came back, steaming, into the box. For some minutes he
+continued to mutter with the thunder, about "poor young things," "cotton
+blouses," and "weak chests."
+
+But the altruistic passion in the man had spent itself for the moment,
+and now the conversation began to take other forms. Banquo began to
+enter into the dialogue. His contributions so far had been mainly
+interjectory and blasphemous--a department of which he was obviously a
+more versatile exponent than the other, who was by no means a 'prentice
+hand. And here I must note a curious thing. Whether it was that the box
+afforded no proper theatre for exhibiting the natural dignity of my
+carriage, or that the light was not good, or that I am a ruffian at
+heart and had been caught at an unguarded moment--whatever the true
+cause may have been, I am certain that up to this moment my two
+companions had no suspicion that I was not a tramp like themselves.
+
+It was Banquo who unmasked the truth. His mind was less preoccupied with
+the sufferings of the "poor young thing," and no doubt had been taking
+observations. The result of these he proceeded to communicate to Macbeth
+by a series of nudges and winks which, in the close proximity of the
+moment, I felt rather than saw. On the whole, I am sorry that their
+first delusion--if, indeed, it was a delusion, of which I am genuinely
+doubtful--was not maintained. However, the discovery opened the way to
+fresh developments. They ceased to address me as "Johnny," "Old Joker,"
+or something worse; ceased swearing, for which, lover of originality as
+I am, I was thankful; and began generally to pay me the respect due to
+the fact that the soles of my boots were intact. Theirs were in a very
+different condition.
+
+I can't disguise that there was something like an awkward pause. But I
+exerted myself to bridge the chasm, and, thanks to them rather than to
+me, it was bridged.
+
+"Where are you going to-night?" I asked as soon as the _modus vivendi_
+was assured.
+
+"Ain't going nowhere in particular," said Banquo. "We just go anywhere."
+
+"What!" I said, "don't you know where you'll pass the night?"
+
+"Well, it's just this way," returned the other. "Me and my mate here are
+musicians, and we just go this way and that according to where the
+publics are. It's in the publics we makes what living we gets--singing
+in the bars and cadging for drink and coppers."
+
+"And a bloomin' shame we should have to do it!" chimed in Macbeth. "But
+what can yer do? My trade's a mason; Leeds is where I come from; but
+when they're short of work, if you've got _two_ grey hairs and another
+chap's got only _one_, you gets the sack, and has to live as best yer
+can.
+
+"God knows I don't want this beastly life. But it's a good thing I've
+got it to turn to. Most on 'em has nowt but their trades, and them's the
+ones as has to starve. But me and my mate here happens to be moosical.
+Used to sing in St. ---- Church in Leeds. Leading bass, I was--a bit
+irregular, I'll own, and that's why they wouldn't keep me on. My mate
+plays the cornet. He used to be in the band of the ---- Fusiliers.
+Served in South Africa, he did, and got a sock in the face from a shell;
+yer can see the 'ole under his eye. Good thing it didn't 'it him in the
+ma-outh, or he wouldn't ha' been able to play the cornet any more. Know
+Yorkshire, mister?"
+
+I replied that I did.
+
+"Well, if yer knows Yorkshire, yer knows there's plenty of music up
+there. They can tell music, when they hear it, in Yorkshire, _that_ they
+can! But these caownties down here, why, the people knows no more about
+music nor pigs. They can't tell the difference between a man what really
+_can_ sing and one of these 'ere 'owlin' 'umbugs that goes draggin'
+little children up and daown t' streets. That sort makes more money than
+we does. And I tell you, him 'ere"--indicating Banquo--"is a good cornet
+player. 'Ere, Banquo, fetch it out o' your pocket, lad, and play the
+gentleman a toon."
+
+As far as I could judge, Banquo's pocket was situated somewhere in the
+middle of his back, for it was from a region in that quarter, where I
+had already felt a hard excrescence, due as I might have thought to an
+unextracted cannon-ball received in South Africa, that the cornet was
+produced.
+
+"Play the gentleman 'The Merry Widder,'" said Macbeth, "and wait till
+the thunder's stopped rolling before you begin."
+
+The "Merry Widder" was well and duly played, and fully bore out
+Macbeth's eulogy of the player. It was followed by something from
+_Maritana_, and other things which I forget. Though the mouth of the
+trumpet was only a few inches from the drum of my ear, yet the din of
+the rain on the roof was such that the effect was not unpleasant--at all
+events, it was a welcome relief from the frightful strains on the
+olfactory organ. The man, I say, was a good player, and I remember
+wishing, as I listened to him, that there was anything in life that I
+could do half as well.
+
+As he finished one of his selections, the gloom deepened, it became
+almost as dark as night, the rain ceased for a moment, and there was
+silence; and then there shot in upon us a blast of fire and a bolt of
+thunder, so near and so overwhelming that I verily believe it was a
+narrow escape from death.
+
+"That's something to put the fear of God into a man," said Macbeth, as
+the volley rolled into distance. "My crikey! But I've heard say, mister,
+that the thunder is the voice of the wrath of God."
+
+"I'm sure it is," I replied.
+
+"Sounds like it anyhow. I wonder if that there chap with the cart has
+got the young woman under cover. She'll be scared out of her life. Eh,
+but isn't it dark? It might be half-past ten. Here, matey"--to
+Banquo--"let's have something in keepin' loike. Give us 'Lead, Kindly
+Light,' lad, on t' cornet, and I'll sing the bass. I want t' gentleman
+to hear my voice."
+
+The hymn was sung in a voice as good as some that have made great
+fortunes, but with a depth of emotion which occasionally spoilt the
+notes; and I can say little more than that the singing, in that strange
+setting, with muttering thunder for an undertone, was a thing I shall
+not forget.
+
+"Do you know anything about that hymn?" said Macbeth (the tears made
+watercourses down his dirty face) when it was over.
+
+"Yes," I said, "a little."
+
+"But I know _all_ about it," replied Macbeth. "Him as wrote that hymn
+was Cardinal Newman. They say he wrote it at sea, maybe he wrote it in a
+storm--like this. He was a Protestant, and was just turning into a
+Catholic. Didn't know whether he would or whether he wouldn't, loike.
+That's what he means when he says, 'Lead, Kindly Light.' He was i' th'
+dark, and wanted lightin'. It was _all_ dark, don't you see, just loike
+it is naow."
+
+Some minutes elapsed, during which neither Banquo nor I said a word. I
+stole a glance at the "'ole under his eye," and saw that it was no
+laughing matter to "get a sock in the face from a shell." The human
+profile, on that side, had virtually disappeared; jaw and cheek-bone
+were smashed in; there was neither nostril nor ear; the lower eyelid was
+missing; the eye itself was evidently sightless, and a constant trickle
+of tears ran down into the hideous scar below.
+
+I thought of this man wandering over the earth, abhorred of all
+beholders; I thought of the music he managed to make with the remnant of
+his mutilated face; I thought also of the rigour of Destiny and the
+kindliness of Death. I remember the words running in my head, "He hath
+no form nor comeliness. Yet he was wounded for our transgressions, and
+the chastisement of our peace was upon him."
+
+I averted my glance, but not before Banquo had discovered that I was
+looking at him. "Ha," he said; "you're lookin' at my face. It's a
+beauty, isn't it? They ought to put it on the board outside the
+recruitin' stations, as a sort of inducement to good-lookin' young men.
+Help to make the Army popular wi' the young women, don't you see?
+'George, why don't you join the Army and get a face like that? You'd be
+worth lookin' at then.' Can't you hear 'em saying it? Oh, yes, I'm proud
+o' my face, _that_ I am! So's my old gal. That's why she left me and the
+kids the day I come home--never seen her since. Every time I draws my
+pension I says to myself, 'Bill, my lad, that face o' yours is cheap at
+the price. Keep up your pecker, my hearty; you'll make yer fortune when
+Mr. Barnum sees yer! It's a bloomin' good investment, that's what I
+calls it. Give yer a sort o' start in life. Makes folks glad to see yer
+when you drops in to tea. And then I'm always feelin' as though I wanted
+to have my photograph taken--and that's nice, too. So you see takin' it
+all round, it's quite a blessin' to have a face like mine."
+
+I was silent, not knowing what to say. Banquo went on:
+
+"I thought when I come out o' the 'orspital as it were all up wi'
+playin' the cornet. But I made up my mind as I'd try. So I kep' up
+practice all the way home from the Cape, and when we got to Southampton
+I could just manage to blow into the mouthpiece. It hurt a bit, too, I
+can tell you. You see, I can only play on one side o' my mouth--like
+this. But I got used to it after a time; and now I can play a'most as
+well wi' half a mouth as I used to do wi' a whole un."
+
+Again I was silent, for there was a tangle of thoughts in my mind, and
+behind it all a vague, uncomfortable sense that I was come to judgment.
+From this sprang a sudden resolve to change the subject, which was
+unpleasant to me in more senses than one. So I said, after the pause,
+"What about your pension?"
+
+"Pension, did you say? Well, you see, sir, I've been in a bit o' trouble
+since I come home. There was a kind old gent as give me three months in
+the choke-hole for not behavin' quite as handsome as I ought to. 'It'll
+spile all my good looks, your Worship,' I says when he sentenced me.
+'Remove the prisoner, officer!' he says; and I thinks to myself, 'I'd
+like to remove _you_, old gentleman, and see what you'd look like on a
+hammynition waggon, wi' two dead pals under your nose, and a pom-pom
+shell a-burstin' in your ear-'ole.' But I've had one good friend,
+anyhow; and I don't want a better--and that's him there" (indicating
+Macbeth). "He's a _man_, he is! I can tell you one thing!--if it hadn't
+been for him there, I'd ha' sent the other half o' my head to look for
+the first long ago--and that's the truth!"
+
+While this conversation was proceeding Macbeth, _more suo_, continued to
+mutter like a man in a troubled dream, now humming a bar of the tune,
+now drawling out a phrase from the words, "O'er moor and fen, o'er crag
+and torrent, till the night is gone"--this, I believe, he repeated
+several times, lighting his pipe in the intervals and spitting out of
+the door. Then he went on more articulately: "Rum go, ain't it--me
+singing that hymn in a place like this? Sung it in church 'undreds o'
+times. We give it sometimes in the streets. It's part of our
+_repertoire_" (he pronounced this word quite correctly). "But I can't
+help makin' a babby o' mysen whenever I think o' what it means. I don't
+think of it, as a rewle. I should break down if I did; like as I nearly
+did just naow. Oh Lor'! I can get on all right till I comes to th' end.
+It's them 'angel faces' wot knocks the stuffing out o' _me_!"
+
+"Same 'ere," I replied; and I put my head out of the aperture for a
+breath of fresh air.
+
+       *       *       *       *       *
+
+    "When shall we three meet again
+    In thunder, lightning, or in rain?"
+
+
+END
+
+      *       *       *       *       *
+
+
+VIOLA BURHANS'S THE CAVE-WOMAN
+
+
+A novel of to-day that commences in a cave so dark that the hero can see
+nothing of the woman he meets there. It ends in the same cave, and much
+of the action occurs in and near a neighboring summer hotel. Robbery and
+mystery, as well as love, figure in the plot.
+
+     "An excellent detective.... The action moves quickly.... Many
+     sidelights fall upon newspaperdom, and the author tells her story
+     cleverly."--_Boston Herald._
+
+     "The most delightful of grown-up fairy-tales of modern times....
+     The characters ... are finely various and their conversations
+     piquantly fresh and edifying ... a dramatic climax of great
+     strength and beauty ... clean, clever, captivating."--_The Boston
+     Common._
+
+     "A very charming, very elusive and quite modern young lady ... a
+     very delightful story."--_Bellman._
+
+
+M. LITTLE'S AT THE SIGN OF THE BURNING BUSH
+
+A novel of such universal human appeal that locality makes little
+difference. It starts as a satire on Scotch divinity students, tho there
+is said to be "not a word of preaching in it".
+
+     "Characters drawn with a sure hand, and with unusual subtlety. The
+     story broadens and strikes deep roots into human nature and human
+     life ... a story that seems as if it might have been made out of
+     the real experiences of flesh and blood, told with humor that is
+     sometimes biting and sometimes gentle, and with very great
+     humanness."--_The New York Times Review._
+
+
+GERTRUDE HALL'S THE UNKNOWN QUANTITY
+
+A young widow comes to New York to investigate various business
+interests of her late husband, and finds herself face to face at the
+outset with the two most vital problems of a woman's life.
+
+     "Her people are alive. They linger in the imagination."--_Boston
+     Transcript._
+
+     "Seeing life with sincerity and truth ... she has a rather big idea
+     for a working basis."--_The Bookman._
+
+     "Retains the charmed interest ... the quiet, thoughtful style, and
+     the vivid, if restrained, humanity. The tale is so natural, so
+     lifelike.... The author's evident faith in the eternal rightness of
+     things."--_Chicago Record-Herald._
+
+
+GEORGE GARY EGGLESTON'S RECOLLECTIONS OF A VARIED LIFE
+
+By the author of "A Rebel's Recollections," "Captain Sam," "A Daughter
+of the South," "Long Knives," etc. With portrait.
+
+These reminiscences of the veteran author and editor are rich in fields
+so wide apart as the experiences of a Hoosier schoolmaster (the basis
+for the well-known story), a young man's life in Virginia before the
+War, a Confederate soldier, a veteran in the literary life of New York.
+
+"Jeb Stuart," "Fitz Lee," Beauregard, Grant, Frank R. Stockton, John
+Hay, Stedman, Bryant, Parke Godwin, "Mark Twain," Gosse, Pulitzer,
+Laffan, and Schurz, are among the many who appear.
+
+The author was born at Vevay, Indiana, 1839, practiced law in Virginia;
+served in the Confederate Army, was Literary Editor of the _New York
+Evening Post_ for 6 years, Editor of the _Commercial Advertiser_ (now
+the _Globe_); and for 11 years Editorial writer for _The World_.
+
+     "There are few American men of letters whose reminiscences would
+     seem to promise more. The man's experiences cover so wide a period;
+     he has had such exceptional opportunities of seeing interesting men
+     and events at first hand."--_Bookman._
+
+     "Has approached the emergencies of life with courage and relish ...
+     qualities that make for readableness ... this autobiography,
+     despite a tendency to anecdotal divagations ... is thoroughly
+     entertaining."--_Nation._
+
+     "Told with the convincing force of actual experience ... has all
+     the excellences, and not many of the defects, of the trained
+     journalist ... tells us rapidly and effectively what sort of a life
+     he has led ... full of interest."--_Dial._
+
+     "Its cozily intimate quality.... One of those books which the
+     reviewer begins to mark appreciatively for quotation, only to
+     discover ere long that he cannot possibly find room for half the
+     passages selected."--_New York Tribune._
+
+     "Very pleasant are these reviews of the days that are
+     gone."--_Sun._
+
+     "He has much to say and says it graphically."--_Times-Review._
+
+     "The most charming and useful of his many books ... sympathetic,
+     kindly, humorous, and confidential talk ... laughable anecdotes ...
+     a keen observer's and critic's comment on more than half a century
+     of American development."--_Hartford Courant._
+
+     "Seldom does one come upon so companionable a volume of
+     reminiscences ... the author has good materials galore and presents
+     them with so kindly a humor that one never wearies of his chatty
+     history ... the whole volume is genial in spirit and eminently
+     readable."--_Chicago Record-Herald._
+
+     "Deserves to rank high in the literature of American autobiography,
+     even though that literature boasts the masterpiece of Benjamin
+     Franklin."--_San Francisco Argonaut._
+
+
+WILLIAM DE MORGAN'S JOSEPH VANCE
+
+A touching story, yet full of humor, of lifelong love and heroic
+sacrifice. While the scene is mostly in and near the London of the
+fifties, there are some telling glimpses of Italy, where the author
+lives much of the time.
+
+     "The book of the last decade; the best thing in fiction since Mr.
+     Meredith and Mr. Hardy; must take its place as the first great
+     English novel that has appeared in the twentieth century."--Lewis
+     Melville in _New York Times Saturday Review_.
+
+     "If the reader likes both 'David Copperfield' and 'Peter Ibbetson,'
+     he can find the two books in this one."--_The Independent._
+
+
+WILLIAM DE MORGAN'S ALICE-FOR-SHORT
+
+This might paradoxically be called a genial ghost-and-murder story, yet
+humor and humanity again dominate, and the most striking element is the
+touching love story of an unsuccessful man. The reappearance in
+Nineteenth Century London of the long-buried past, and a remarkable case
+of suspended memory, give the dramatic background.
+
+     "Really worth reading and praising ... will be hailed as a
+     masterpiece. If any writer of the present era is read a half
+     century hence, a quarter century, or even a decade, that writer is
+     William De Morgan."--_Boston Transcript._
+
+     "It is the Victorian age itself that speaks in those rich,
+     interesting, over-crowded books.... Will be remembered as Dickens'
+     novels are remembered."--_Springfield Republican._
+
+
+WILLIAM DE MORGAN'S SOMEHOW GOOD
+
+The purpose and feeling of this novel are intense, yet it is all
+mellowed by humor, and it contains perhaps the author's freshest and
+most sympathetic story of young love. Throughout its pages the "God be
+praised evil has turned to good" of the old Major rings like a trumpet
+call of hope. This story of to-day tells of a triumph of courage and
+devotion.
+
+     "A book as sound, as sweet, as wholesome, as wise, as any in the
+     range of fiction."--_The Nation._
+
+     "Our older novelists (Dickens and Thackeray) will have to look to
+     their laurels, for the new one is fast proving himself their equal.
+     A higher quality of enjoyment than is derivable from the work of
+     any other novelist now living and active in either England or
+     America."--_The Dial._
+
+
+WILLIAM DE MORGAN'S IT NEVER CAN HAPPEN AGAIN
+
+This novel turns on a strange marital complication, and is notable for
+two remarkable women characters, the pathetic girl Lizarann and the
+beautiful Judith Arkroyd, with her stage ambitions. Lizarann's father,
+Blind Jim, is very appealingly drawn, and shows rare courage and
+devotion despite cruel handicaps. There are strong dramatic episodes,
+and the author's inevitable humor and optimism.
+
+     "De Morgan at his very best, and how much better his best is than
+     the work of any novelist of the past thirty years."--_Independent._
+
+     "There has been nothing at all like it in our day. The best of our
+     contemporary novelists ... do not so come home to our business and
+     our bosoms ... his method ... is very different in most important
+     respects from that of Dickens. He is far less the showman, the
+     dashing prestidigitator ... more like Thackeray ... precisely what
+     the most 'modern' novelists are striving for--for the most part in
+     vain ... most enchanting ... infinitely lovable and
+     pathetic."--_The Nation._
+
+     "Another long delightful voyage with the best English company ...
+     from Dukes to blind beggars ... you could make out a very good case
+     for handsome Judith Arkroyd as an up-to-date Ethel Newcome ... the
+     stuff that tears in hardened and careless hearts are made of ...
+     singularly perceiving, mellow, wise, charitable, humorous ... a
+     plot as well defined as if it were a French farce."--_The Times
+     Saturday Review._
+
+     "The characters of Blind Jim and Lizarann are wonderful--worthy of
+     Dickens at his best."--Professor William Lyon Phelps, of Yale,
+     author of "Essays on Modern Novelists."
+
+
+WILLIAM DE MORGAN'S AN AFFAIR OF DISHONOR
+
+A dramatic story of England in the time of the Restoration. It commences
+with a fatal duel, and shows a new phase of its remarkable author. The
+movement is fairly rapid, and the narrative absorbing, with occasional
+glints of humor.
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Mad Shepherds, by L. P. Jacks
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MAD SHEPHERDS ***
+
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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #31386 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/31386)