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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/29890-8.txt b/29890-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..20fd285 --- /dev/null +++ b/29890-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,5367 @@ +Project Gutenberg's The Doctor's Family, by Mrs. (Margaret) Oliphant + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Doctor's Family + +Author: Mrs. (Margaret) Oliphant + +Release Date: September 2, 2009 [EBook #29890] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DOCTOR'S FAMILY *** + + + + +Produced by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Canada Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net + + + + + + + + + +Chronicles of Carlingford + + + + +THE DOCTOR'S FAMILY + +BY + +MRS OLIPHANT + + +NEW EDITION +_WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS_ +EDINBURGH AND LONDON + + + + +CHRONICLES OF CARLINGFORD. + +THE DOCTOR'S FAMILY. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + +Young Dr Rider lived in the new quarter of Carlingford: had he aimed at +a reputation in society, he could not possibly have done a more foolish +thing; but such was not his leading motive. The young man, being but +young, aimed at a practice. He was not particular in the mean time as to +the streets in which his patients dwelt. A new house, gazing with all +its windows over a brick-field, was as interesting to the young surgeon +as if it had been one of those exclusive houses in Grange Lane, where +the aristocracy of Carlingford lived retired within their garden walls. +His own establishment, though sufficiently comfortable, was of a kind +utterly to shock the feelings of the refined community: a corner house, +with a surgery round the corner, throwing the gleam of its red lamp over +all that chaotic district of half-formed streets and full-developed +brick-fields, with its night-bell prominent, and young Rider's name on a +staring brass plate, with mysterious initials after it. M.R.C.S. the +unhappy young man had been seduced to put after his name upon that brass +plate, though he was really Dr Rider, a physician, if not an experienced +one. Friends had advised him that in such districts people were afraid +of physicians, associating only with dread adumbrations of a guinea a +visit that miscomprehended name; so, with a pang, the young surgeon had +put his degree in his pocket, and put up with the inferior distinction. +Of course, Dr Marjoribanks had all the patronage of Grange Lane. The +great people were infatuated about that snuffy old Scotchman--a man +behind his day, who had rusted and grown old among the soft diseases +of Carlingford, where sharp practice was so seldom necessary; and no +opening appeared for young Rider except in the new district, in the smug +corner house, with the surgery and the red lamp, and M.R.C.S. on a brass +plate on his door. + +If you can imagine that the young man bowed his spirit to this without a +struggle, you do the poor young fellow injustice. He had been hard +enough put to it at divers periods of his life. Ambition had not been +possible for him either in one shape or another. Some people said he had +a vulgar mind when he subsided into that house; other people declared +him a shabby fellow when he found out, after the hardest night's thought +he ever went through in his life, that he durst not ask Bessie Christian +to marry him. You don't suppose that he did not know in his secret +heart, and feel tingling through every vein, those words which nobody +ever said to his face? But he could not help it. He could only make an +indignant gulp of his resentment and shame, which were shame and +resentment at himself for wanting the courage to dare everything, as +well as at other people for finding him out, and go on with his work +as he best could. He was not a hero nor a martyr; men made of that +stuff have large compensations. He was an ordinary individual, with no +sublimity in him, and no compensation to speak of for his sufferings--no +consciousness of lofty right-doing, or of a course of action superior to +the world. + +Perhaps you would prefer to go up-stairs and see for yourself what was +the skeleton in Edward Rider's cupboard, rather than have it described +to you. His drag came to the door an hour ago, and he went off with Care +sitting behind him, and a certain angry pang aching in his heart, which +perhaps Bessie Christian's wedding-veil, seen far off in church yesterday, +might have something to do with. His looks were rather black as he +twitched the reins out of his little groom's hands, and went off at a +startling pace, which was almost the only consolation the young fellow +had. Now that he is certainly gone, and the coast clear, we may go +up-stairs. It is true he all but kicked the curate down for taking a +similar liberty, but we who are less visible may venture while he is +away. + +This skeleton is not in a cupboard. It is in an up-stairs room, +comfortable enough, but heated, close, unwholesome--a place from which, +even when the window is open, the fresh air seems shut out. There is no +fresh air nor current of life in this stifling place. There is a fire, +though it is not cold--a sofa near the fire--a sickening heavy smell of +abiding tobacco--not light whiffs of smoke, such as accompany a man's +labours, but a dead pall of idle heavy vapour; and in the midst of all a +man stretched lazily on the sofa, with his pipe laid on the table beside +him, and a book in his soft, boneless, nerveless hands. A large man, +interpenetrated with smoke and idleness and a certain dreary sodden +dissipation, heated yet unexcited, reading a novel he has read +half-a-dozen times before. He turns his bemused eyes to the door when +his invisible visitors enter. He fancies he hears some one coming, but +will not take the trouble to rise and see who is there--so, instead of +that exertion, he takes up his pipe, knocks the ashes out of it upon his +book, fills it with coarse tobacco, and stretches his long arm over the +shoulder of the sofa for a light. His feet are in slippers, his person +clothed in a greasy old coat, his linen soiled and untidy. That is the +skeleton in young Rider's house. + +The servants, you may be sure, knew all about this unwelcome visitor. +They went with bottles and jugs secretly to bring him what he wanted; +they went to the circulating library for him; they let him in when he +had been out in the twilight all shabby and slovenly. They would not be +human if they did not talk about him. They say he is very good-natured, +poor gentleman--always has a pleasant word--is nobody's enemy but his +own; and to see how "the doctor do look at him, and he his own brother +as was brought up with him," is dreadful, to be sure. + +All this young Rider takes silently, never saying a word about it to any +human creature. He seems to know by intuition what all these people say +of him, as he drives about furiously in his drag from patient to patient; +and wherever he goes, as plain, nay, far more distinctly than the +actual prospect before him, he sees that sofa, that dusty slow-burning +fire--that pipe, with the little heap of ashes knocked out of it upon +the table--that wasted ruined life chafing him to desperation with its +dismal content. It is very true that it would have been sadly imprudent +of the young man to go to the little house in Grove Street a year ago, +and tell Bessie Christian he was very fond of her, and that somehow for +her love he would manage to provide for those old people whom that +cheerful little woman toiled to maintain. It was a thing not to be done +in any way you could contemplate it; and with a heartache the poor young +doctor had turned his horse's head away from Grove Street, and left +Bessie to toil on in her poverty. Bessie had escaped all that nowadays; +but who could have forewarned the poor doctor that his elder brother, +once the hope of the family--that clever Fred, whom all the others had +been postponed to--he who with his evil reputation had driven poor +Edward out of his first practice, and sent him to begin life a second +time at Carlingford--was to drop listlessly in again, and lay a harder +burden than a harmless old father-in-law upon the young man's hands--a +burden which no grateful Bessie shared and sweetened? No wonder black +Care sat at the young doctor's back as he drove at that dangerous pace +through the new, encumbered streets. He might have broken his neck over +those heaps of brick and mortar, and it is doubtful whether he would +have greatly cared. + +When Dr Rider went home that night, the first sight he saw when he +pulled up at his own door was his brother's large indolent shabby figure +prowling up the street. In the temper he was then in, this was not +likely to soothe him. It was not a much-frequented street, but the young +doctor knew instinctively that his visitor had been away in the heart of +the town at the booksellers' shops buying cheap novels, and ordering +them magnificently to be sent to Dr Rider's; and could guess the curious +questions and large answers which had followed. He sprang to the ground +with a painful suppressed indignation, intensified by many mingled +feelings, and waited the arrival of the maudlin wanderer. Ah me! one +might have had some consolation in the burden freely undertaken for +love's sake, and by love's self shared and lightened: but this load of +disgrace and ruin which nobody could take part of--which it was misery +so much as to think that anybody knew of--the doctor's fraternal +sentiments, blunted by absence and injury, were not strong enough to +bear that weight. + +"So, Fred, you have been out," said Dr Rider, moodily, as he stood aside +on his own threshold to let his brother pass in--not with the courtesy +of a host, but the precaution of a jailer, to see him safe before he +himself entered and closed the door. + +"Yes, you can't expect a man to sit in the house for ever," said the +prodigal, stumbling in to his brother's favourite sitting-room, where +everything was tidy and comfortable for the brief leisure of the +hard-working man. The man who did no work threw himself heavily into +the doctor's easy-chair, and rolled his bemused eyes round upon his +brother's household gods. Those book-shelves with a bust at either +corner, those red curtains drawn across the window, those prints on the +walls--all once so pleasant to the doctor's eyes--took a certain air of +squalor and wretchedness to-night which sickened him to look at. The +lamp flared wildly with an untrimmed wick, or at least Dr Rider thought +so; and threw a hideous profile of the intruder upon the wall behind +him. The hearth was cold, with that chill, of sentiment rather than +reality, naturally belonging to a summer night. Instead of a familiar +place where rest and tranquillity awaited him, that room, the only +vision of home which the poor young fellow possessed, hardened into four +walls, and so many chairs and tables, in the doctor's troubled eyes. + +But it bore a different aspect in the eyes of his maudlin brother. +Looking round with those bewildered orbs, all this appeared luxury to +the wanderer. Mentally he appraised the prints over the mantelshelf, and +reckoned how much of _his_ luxuries might be purchased out of them. That +was all so much money wasted by the Croesus before him. What a mint of +money the fellow must be making; and grudged a little comfort to his +brother, his elder brother, the cleverest of the family! The dull +exasperation of selfishness woke in the mind of the self-ruined man! + +"You're snug enough here," he exclaimed, "though you shut me in up-stairs +to burrow out of sight. By Jove! as if I were not good enough to face +your Carlingford patients. I've had a better practice in my day than +ever you'll see, my fine fellow, with your beggarly M.R.C.S. And you'd +have me shut myself up in my garret into the bargain! You're ashamed of +me, forsooth! You can go spending money on that rubbish there, and can't +pay a tailor's bill for your elder brother; and as for introducing me in +this wretched hole of a place, and letting me pick up a little money for +myself--I, a man with twice the experience in the profession that you +have----" + +"Fred, stop that," cried the doctor--"I've had about enough. Look +here--I can't deny you shelter and what you call necessaries, because +you're my brother; but I won't submit to be ruined a second time by any +man. If I am ever to do any good in this world--and whether I do any +good or not," he added fiercely, "I'll not have my good name tarnished +and my work interfered with _again_. I don't care two straws for my +life. It's hard enough--as hard as a treadmill, and never a drop of +consolation in the cup; though I might have had that if I had been +anything but a fool. But look here, I do care for my practice--I won't +have you put your confounded spoke in my wheel again. Keep on in your +own way; smoke and drink and dream if you will; but I'll stand no +interference with my work--and that I tell you once for all." + +This speech was uttered with great vehemence, the speaker walking up and +down the room all the while. The bitterness of ingratitude and malice +had entered into the young man's soul. All the wrongs which the clever +elder brother, to whose claims everybody else was subordinated, had done +to his family, rose upon the recollection of the younger; all the still +bitterer sting of that injury which had been personal to himself; all +the burden and peril of this present undesired visit, the discontent, +the threats, the evident power of doing evil, woke the temper and spirit +of the young doctor. It was not Fred's fault that his brother had made +that mistake in life which he repented so bitterly. Bessie Christian's +bridal veil, and white ribbons; her joyful face untouched with any +pensive reminiscences; and the dead dulness of that house, into which +foot of woman never entered, were not of Fred's doing; but passion is +not reasonable. The doctor gave Fred credit unconsciously for the whole. +He walked up and down the room with a whole world of passionate mortified +feeling--vexation, almost despair, throbbing within him. He seemed to +have made a vast sacrifice for the sake of this brother who scorned him +to his face. + +"You're hot," said the disreputable figure in Dr Rider's easy-chair, +"much hotter than there's any occasion for. Do I envy you your beggarly +patients, do you suppose? But, Ned, you never were cut out for the +profession--a good shopkeeping business would have been a deal better +for you. Hang it! you haven't the notions of a gentleman. You think +bread and water is all you're bound to furnish your brother when he is +under a cloud. As for society, I never see a soul--not even yourself, +though you're no great company. Look here--I am not unreasonable; order +in some supper--there's a good fellow--and let's have a comfortable +evening together. You're not the man you used to be, Ned. You used to be +a fellow of spirit; somebody's jilted you, or something--I don't want +to pry into your secrets; but let's have a little comfort for once in a +way, and you shall have the whole business about the old colony, and how +I came to leave it--the truth, and nothing but the truth." + +It was some time before the victim yielded; at last, half to escape the +painful ferment of his own thoughts, and half with a natural yearning +for some sympathy and companionship, however uncongenial, he fell out of +his heat and passion into a more complacent mood. He sat down, watching +with a gulp of hardly-restrained disgust that lolling figure in the +chair, every gesture of which was the more distasteful for being so +familiar, and recalling a hundred preliminary scenes all tending towards +this total wreck and shame. Then his mind softened with fraternal +instincts--strange interlacement of loathing and affection. He was +tired, hungry, chilled to his heart. The spell of material comfort, +even in such company, came upon the young man. They supped together, +not much to the advantage of Dr Rider's head, stomach, or temper, on the +following morning. The elder told his story of inevitable failure, and +strange unexplainable fatality. The younger dropped forth expressions of +disappointment and trouble which partly eased his own mind. Thus they +spent together the unlovely evening; and perhaps a few such nights would +have done as much harm to the young doctor's practice as had he introduced +his disreputable brother without more ado into the particular little +world of Carlingford. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +Next morning Dr Rider rose mightily vexed with himself, as was to be +supposed. He was half an hour late for breakfast: he had a headache, his +hand shook, and his temper was "awful." Before he was dressed, ominous +knocks came to the door; and all feverish and troubled as he was, you +may imagine that the prospect of the day's work before him did not improve +his feelings, and that self-reproach, direst of tormentors, did not mend +the matter. Two ladies were waiting for him, he was told when he went +down-stairs--not to say sundry notes and messages in the ordinary way +of business--two ladies who had brought two boxes with them, and asked +leave to put them in the hall till they could see Dr Rider. The sight +of this luggage in his little hall startled the doctor. Patients do not +generally carry such things about with them. What did it mean? What +could two ladies want with him? The young man felt his face burn with +painful anticipations, a little shame, and much impatience. Probably the +sister who adored Fred, and never could learn to believe that he was not +unfortunate and a victim. This would be a climax to the occupation of +his house. + +As the poor doctor gloomily approached the door of the room in which he +had spent last evening, he heard a little rustle and commotion not quite +consistent with his expectations--a hum of voices and soft stir such as +youthful womankind only makes. Then a voice entirely strange to him +uttered an exclamation. Involuntarily he started and changed his aspect. +He did not know the voice, but it was young, sweet, peculiar. The cloud +lightened a little upon the doctor's face. Notwithstanding Bessie +Christian, he was still young enough to feel a little flutter of curiosity +when he heard such a voice sounding out of his room. Hark! what did she +say? It was a profoundly prosaic speech. + +"What an intolerable smell of smoke! I shouldn't wonder a bit--indeed, +I rather think he must be, or he wouldn't live in a place like this--if +he were exactly such another as Fred." + +"Poor Fred!" said a plaintive voice, "if we only can learn where he is. +Hush, there is a footstep! Ah, it is not my poor fellow's footstep! +Nettie, hark!" + +"No, indeed! twenty thousand times sharper, and more like a man," said +the other, in hurried breathless accents. "Hark! here he is." + +The entire bewilderment, the amaze, apprehension, confusion with which +Dr Rider entered the room from which this scrap of conversation reached +him, is indescribable. A dreadful sense that something was about to +happen seized the young man's mind with an indescribable curiosity. He +paused an instant to recover himself, and then went boldly and silently +into the room which had become mysterious through its new inmates. They +both turned round upon him as he entered. Two young women: one who had +been sitting at the table, looking faded, plaintive, and anxious, rose +up suddenly, and, clasping her hands, as if in entreaty, fixed two +bright but sunken eyes upon his face. The other, a younger, lighter +figure, all action and haste, interposed between him and her companion. +She put up one hand in warning to the petitioner behind her, and one to +call the attention of the bewildered stranger before. Evidently the one +thing which alarmed this young lady was that somebody would speak before +her, and the conduct of the _situation_ be taken out of her hands. She +was little, very slight, very pretty, but her prettiness was peculiar. +The young doctor, accustomed to the fair Saxon version of beauty given by +Bessie Christian, did not at the first glance believe that the wonderful +little person before him possessed any; for she was not only slender, +but _thin_, dark, eager, impetuous, with blazing black eyes and +red lips, and nothing else notable about her. So he thought, gazing +fascinated, yet not altogether attracted--scarcely sure that he was not +repelled--unable, however, to withdraw his eyes from that hurried, +eager little figure. Nothing in the least like her had ever yet appeared +before Dr Rider's eyes. + +"We want to inquire about your brother," said the little stranger; "we +know this was to be his address, and we want to know whether he is living +here. His letters were to be sent to your care; but my sister has not +heard from him now for a year." + +"Never mind that!--never mind telling that, Nettie," cried the other +behind her. "Oh, sir! only tell me where my poor Fred is?" + +"So she began to fear he was ill," resumed the younger of the two, +undauntedly; "though Susan will do nothing but praise him, he has +behaved to her very shamefully. Do you happen to know, sir, where he +is?" + +"Did you say Fred--my brother Fred?" cried the poor young doctor in +utter dismay; "and may I ask who it is that expresses so much interest +in him?" + +There was a momentary pause; the two women exchanged looks. "I told you +so," cried the eager little spokeswoman. "He never has let his friends +know; he was afraid of that. I told you how it was. This," she continued, +with a little tragic air, stretching out her arm to her sister, and +facing the doctor--"this is Mrs Frederick Rider, or rather Mrs Rider, +I should say, as he is the eldest of the family! Now will you please +to tell us where he is?" + +The doctor made no immediate answer. He gazed past the speaker to the +faded woman behind, and exclaimed, with a kind of groan, "Fred's wife!" + +"Yes, Fred's wife," cried the poor creature, rushing forward to him; +"and oh! where is he? I've come thousands of miles to hear. Is he ill? +has anything happened to him? Where is Fred?" + +"Susan, you are not able to manage this; leave it to me," said her +sister, drawing her back peremptorily. "Dr Rider, please to answer us. +We know you well enough, though you don't seem ever to have heard of us. +It was you that my brother-in-law gave up his business to before he +came out to the colony. Oh, we know all about it! To keep him separate +from his wife cannot do you any benefit, Dr Edward. Yes, I know your +name, and all about it; and I don't mean indeed to suffer my sister to +be injured and kept from her husband. I have come all this way with her +to take care of her. I mean to stay with her to take care of her. I have +not parted with my money, though she gave all hers away; and I mean to +see her have her rights." + +"Oh, Nettie, Nettie, how you talk!" cried the unfortunate wife. "You +keep him from answering me. All this time I cannot hear--where is Fred?" + +"Be seated, please," said the doctor, with dreadful civility, "and +compose yourselves. Fred is well enough; as well as he ever is. I don't +know," added poor Rider, with irrestrainable bitterness, "whether he is +quite presentable to ladies; but I presume, madam, if you're his wife, +you're acquainted with his habits. Excuse me for being quite unprepared +for such a visit. I have not much leisure for anything out of my +profession. I can scarcely spare these minutes, that is the truth; but if +you will favour me with a few particulars, I will have the news conveyed +to my brother. I--I beg your pardon. When a man finds he has new +relations he never dreamed of, it naturally embarrasses him at the +moment. May I ask if you ladies have come from Australia alone?" + +"Oh, not alone; the children are at the hotel. Nettie said it was no use +coming unless we all came," said his new sister-in-law, with a half-sob. + +"The children!" Dr Rider's gasp of dismay was silent, and made no sound. +He stood staring blankly at those wonderful invaders of his bachelor +house, marvelling what was to be done with them in the first place. Was +he to bring Fred down all slovenly and half-awakened? was he to leave +them in possession of his private sanctuary? The precious morning +moments were passing while he pondered, and his little groom fidgeted +outside with a message for the doctor. While he stood irresolute, the +indefatigable Nettie once more darted forward. + +"Give me Fred's address, please," said this managing woman. "I'll see +him, and prepare him for meeting Susan. He can say what he pleases to +me; _I_ don't mind it in the very least; but Susan of course must be +taken care of. Now, look here, Dr Edward; Susan is your sister-in-law, +and I am her sister. We don't want to occupy your time. I can manage +everything; but it is quite necessary in the first place that you should +confide in me." + +"Confide!" cried the bewildered man. "Fred is not under my authority. +He is here in my house much against my will. He is in bed, and not fit +to be awakened; and I am obliged to tell you simply, ladies," said the +unfortunate doctor, "that my house has no accommodation for a family. If +you will go back to the hotel where you left the children"--and here the +speaker gave another gasp of horror--"I'll have him roused and sent to +you. It is the only thing I can do." + +"Susan can go," said the prompt Nettie; "I'll stay here until Fred is +ready, and take him to see them. It is necessary he should be prepared, +you know. Don't talk nonsense, Susan--I shall stay here, and Dr Rider, +of course, will call a cab for you." + +"But Nettie, Nettie dear, it isn't proper. I can't leave you all by +yourself in a strange house," remonstrated her sister. + +"Don't talk such stuff; I am perfectly well able to take care of myself; +I am not a London young lady," said the courageous Nettie. "It is +perfectly unnecessary to say another word to me--I know my duty--I shall +stay here." + +With which speech she seated herself resolutely in that same easy-chair +which Fred had lolled in last night, took off her bonnet, for hats were +not in these days, and shed off from her face, with two tiny hands, +exquisite in shape if a little brown in colour, the great braids of +dark-brown silky hair which encumbered her little head. The gesture +mollified Dr Rider in the most unaccountable way in spite of himself. +The intolerable idea of leaving these two in his house became less +intolerable, he could not tell how. And the little groom outside fairly +knocked at the door in that softening moment with a message which could +be delayed no longer. The doctor put his head out to receive the call, +and looked in again perplexed and uncertain. Nettie had quite established +herself in the easy-chair. She sat there looking with her bright eyes +into the vacant air before her, in a pretty attitude of determination +and readiness, beating her little foot on the carpet. Something whimsical, +odd, and embarrassing about her position made it all the more piquant +to the troubled eyes which, in spite of all their worldly wisdom, were +still the eyes of a young man. He could not tell in the world what to +say to her. To order that creature out of his house was simply impossible; +to remain there was equally so; to leave them in possession of the +field--what could the unfortunate young doctor do? One thing was certain, +the impatient patient could no longer be neglected; and after a few +minutes longer of bewildered uncertainty, Dr Rider went off in the +wildest confusion of mind, leaving his brother's unknown family +triumphant in his invaded house. + +To describe the feelings with which the unfortunate doctor went fasting +about his day's work--the manner in which that scene returned to him +after every visit he made--the continual succession in which wrath, +dismay, alarm, bitter disgust with the falsehood of the brother who, no +further gone than last night, had pretended to confide in him, but never +breathed a syllable of this biggest unconcealable secret, swept through +the mind of the victim; all culminating, however, in the softening of +that moment, in the tiny figure, indomitable elf or fairy, shedding back +with dainty fingers those soft abundant locks--would be impossible. The +young man got through his work somehow, in a maze of confusion and +excitement--angry excitement, indignant confusion, determination to +yield nothing further, but to defend himself and his house once for all +from the inroads of what he angrily pronounced in his own mind "another +man's family"--yet, withal, of curiosity and interest which gave zest +greater than usual to the idea of going home. When he was able at last +to turn his horse's head towards his own dwelling, it was with feelings +very different from the usual unexpecting blank of sullen displeasure. +What he should find there, was a curious, exciting, alarming question; +perhaps an entire nursery with Nettie in charge; perhaps a recusant +husband with Nettie mounting guard over him; perhaps a thrilling scene +of family explanation and reconciliation. The day had been a specially +long and hard one. He had been obliged to snatch a hurried lunch at one +of his patients' houses, and to postpone his hard-earned dinner to the +most fashionable of hours. It was indeed quite evening, almost twilight, +when he made his way home at last. As he neared the scene of action, +the tired man condoled with himself over the untimely excitement that +awaited him. He said to himself with pathetic self-pity that it was hard +indeed for a man who had earned a little repose to go in upon all the +troubles of another man's family. He had denied himself--he had not +undertaken upon his own shoulders that pleasing burden; and now what +was he to be saddled with?--the burden without the consolation--the +responsibility without the companionship. All this Dr Rider represented +to himself very pathetically as he wended his homeward way. Yet it is +astonishing, notwithstanding, with what alacrity he hastened upon that +path, and how much the curiosity, the excitement, the dramatic stir and +commotion made in his monotonous life by this entirely new unexpected +incident, occupied his mind. With expectations highly roused, he drew +up once more before his own house. It was surprising to him to see +how exactly it looked like itself. The blinds half-drawn down in the +genteelest calm as they always were--no faces peeping at the windows--no +marks of an arrival on the pavement, or in the composed countenance of +Mary, who stood holding the door open for him. He went in with a little +thrill of curiosity; the house was very quiet--dead-quiet in comparison +with the commotion of his thoughts; so was the sitting-room where he had +left Nettie resolutely planted in the easy-chair; there was nobody there +now; the boxes were out of the hall, not a sound was to be heard in the +house. He turned rather blankly upon Mary, who was going away quite +composedly, as if there was nothing which she wanted to tell or he to +hear. + +"Where is my brother and the ladies?" said the amazed doctor. + +"They all went off to the 'otel, sir, as soon as Mr Rider came +down-stairs," said Mary, complacently. "I assured Miss as it was the +best thing she could do, sir, for that I was 'most sure you'd never have +the children here,--as to be sure there wasn't no room neither," said +the doctor's factotum. "As soon as Mr Frederick came down, she called a +cab, did Miss, and took 'em both away." + +"Oh! so they're gone, are they?" said the doctor. + +"Hours and hours ago," answered Mary; "dinner'll be up in two minutes. +But I wouldn't say much for the potatoes, sir. When a gentleman's +irreg'lar, it's hard laws on the poor servants--nothink will keep, going +on for two hours, and not take no harm; but all's quiet and comfortable +in your room." + +And with this assurance, which she evidently thought a very grateful +one, Mary went off to get the doctor's dinner. He walked to the end of +the room, and then back again, with solemnity--then threw himself into +that easy-chair. "Blessed riddance!" said the doctor; but somehow he +looked glum, wonderfully glum. There was no accounting for those blank +looks of his; he who had been condoling with himself over the exciting +scene he expected, so uncomfortable a conclusion to a long day's labour, +how was it he did not look relieved when that scene was spared him? To +tell the truth, when one has been expecting something to happen, of +whatever description, and has been preparing one's courage, one's +temper, one's fortitude, in anticipatory rehearsals--when one has placed +one's self in the attitude of a martyr, and prepared to meet with fiery +trials--it is mortifying, to say the least, when one finds all the +necessities of the case disappear, and the mildest calm replace that +tragical anticipation: the quiet falls blank upon the excited fancy. Of +course Dr Rider was relieved; but it was with something mightily like +disappointment that he leant back in his chair and knitted his brows at +the opposite wall. Not for the world would he have acknowledged himself +to be disappointed; but the calm was wonderfully monotonous after all +those expectations. He was never so bored and sick of a night by +himself. He tried to read, but reading did not occupy his mind. He grew +furious over his charred chops and sodden potatoes. As for the tea Mary +brought, he would have gladly pitched it at her by way of diversifying +that blank evening with an incident. The contrast between what he had +looked for and what he had, was wonderful. How delicious this stillness +should have been, this consciousness of having his house to himself, and +nobody to interrupt his brief repose! But somehow it appears that human +nature takes best with not having its wishes granted. It is indescribable +how Dr Rider yawned--how dull he found his newspaper--how few books +worth reading there were in the house--how slow the minutes ran on. +If somebody had chosen to be ill that night, of all nights the best +for such a purpose, the doctor would not have objected to such an +interruption. Failing that, he went to bed early, dreadfully tired of +his own society. Such were the wonderful results of that invasion so +much dreaded, and that retreat so much hoped for. Perhaps his own +society had never in his life been so distasteful to him before. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +Next day Dr Rider audibly congratulated himself at breakfast upon having +once more his house to himself--audibly, as if it were really necessary +to give utterance to the thought before he could quite feel its force. +A week before, if Fred had departed, however summarily, there can be no +doubt that his brother's feelings of relief and comfort would have been +unfeigned; now, however, he began to think the matter over, and to +justify to himself his extraordinary sense of disappointment. As he +poured out his own coffee with a sober face, his eye rested upon that +easy-chair which had been brought into such prominence in the history +of the last two days. He kept looking at it as he sipped that gloomy +coffee. Fred had faded from the great chair; his big image threw no +shadow upon it. There sat a little fairy queen, tiny as Titania, but +dark as an elf of the East, putting up those two shapely tiny hands, +brown and beautiful, to push aside the flood of hair, which certainly +would have veiled her little figure all over, the doctor thought, had it +been let down. Wonderful little sprite! She, no doubt, had dragged her +plaintive sister over the seas--she it was that had forced her way into +Edward Rider's house; taken her position in it, ousted the doctor; and +she doubtless it was who swept the husband and wife out of it again, +leaving no trace behind. Waking up from a little trance of musing upon +this too interesting subject, Dr Rider suddenly raised himself into an +erect position, body and mind, with an involuntary movement, as if to +shake off the yoke of the enchantress. He reminded himself instinctively +of his brother's falsehood and ingratitude. After throwing himself a +most distasteful burden on Edward's charity for five long dreary months, +the bugbear of the doctor's dreams, and heavy ever-recurring climax of +his uncomfortable thoughts, here had Fred departed without a word of +explanation or thanks, or even without saying good-bye. The doctor +thought himself quite justified in being angry. He began to feel that +the suspicious uneasiness which possessed him was equally natural and +inevitable. Such a thankless, heartless departure was enough to put any +man out. To imagine that Fred could be capable of it, naturally went to +his brother's heart. + +That day there was still no word of the party who had disappeared so +mysteriously out of the doctor's house. Dr Rider went to his hard day's +work vaguely expectant, feeling sure he must hear of them somehow, and +more interested in hearing of them than was to be expected from his +former low ebb of fraternal affection. When he returned and found still +no letter, no message, the blank disappointment of the former night +closed still more blankly upon him. When one is all by one's self, and +has nothing at best but an easy-chair to go home to, and goes home +expecting a letter, or a message, or a visitor who has not arrived, and +has no chance of arriving, the revulsion of feeling is not agreeable. +It did not improve the doctor's temper in the first place. The chill +loneliness of that trim room, with its drawn curtains and tidy pretence +of being comfortable, exasperated him beyond bearing. He felt shut up +in it, and yet would not leave it. Somebody certainly might come even +to-night. Fred himself perhaps, if he could escape from the rigid +guardianship he was under; or was that miraculous Australian Nettie a +little witch, who had spirited the whole party in a nutshell over the +seas? Never was man delivered from a burden with a worse grace than was +Dr Rider; and the matter had not mended in these twenty-four hours. + +Next morning, however, this fever of fraternal suspense was assuaged. +A three-cornered note, addressed in an odd feminine hand, very thin, +small, and rapid, came among Dr Rider's letters. He signalled it out by +instinct, and opened it with an impatience wonderful to behold. + +"SIR,--We are all at the Blue Boar until we can get lodgings, which I +hope to be to-day. I am utterly ashamed of Fred for not having let you +know, and indeed of myself for trusting to him. I should not wonder but +we may have been under a mistake about him and you. If you could call +about one, I should most likely be in to see you, and perhaps you could +give me your advice about the lodgings. Neither of _them_ have the +least judgment in such matters. I am sorry to trouble you; but being a +stranger, perhaps you will excuse me. I understand you are only at home +in the evening, and that is just the time I can't come out, as I have +the whole of them to look to, which is the reason I ask you to call on +me. Begging you will pardon me, I remain, + "NETTIE UNDERWOOD." + +"She remains Nettie Underwood," said the doctor, unawares. He laughed to +himself at that conclusion. Then an odd gleam came across his face. It +was probably the first time he had laughed in a natural fashion for some +months back, and the unusual exertion made his cheeks tingle. His temper +was improved that morning. He went off to his patients almost in a good +humour. When he passed the great house where Bessie Christian now reigned, +he recalled her image with a positive effort. Astonishing what an effect +of distance had floated over the apparition of that bride. Was it a year +since he saw her and gnashed his teeth at the thought of his own folly, +or was it only last Sunday? The doctor could not tell. He put Nettie's +note in his pocket-book, and was at the hotel door punctually at one +o'clock. It was in the principal street of Carlingford, George Street, +where all the best shops, and indeed some of the best houses, were. +From the corner window of the hotel you could see down into the bowery +seclusion of Grange Lane, and Mr Wodehouse's famous apple-trees holding +tempting clusters over the high wall. The prospect was very different +from that which extended before Dr Rider's window. Instinctively he +marvelled within himself whether, if Dr Marjoribanks were to die--people +cannot live for ever even in Carlingford--whether it might not be a +disadvantage to a man to live so far out of the world. No doubt it +was a temptation of the Evil One. Happily the young man did not take +sufficient time to answer himself, but walked forward briskly through +the mazy old passages of the old inn, to a room from which sundry noises +issued. Dr Rider walked in with the natural confidence of a man who +has an appointment. The room was in undisturbed possession of three +children--three children making noise enough for six--all very small, very +precocious, with staring round eyes and the most complete independence of +speech and manners. The doctor confronted the little rabble thunderstruck; +they were his brother's children, unrecognisable little savages as they +were. One little fellow, in a linen pinafore, was mounted on the arm of a +sofa, spurring vigorously; another was pursuing his sister about the +room, trying to catch her feet with the tongs, and filling the air +with repeated loud snaps of disappointment. They intermitted their +occupations to stare at him. "Look here--here's a man," said the youngest, +meditatively, beholding his dismayed uncle with a philosophic eye. +"Can't some one go and tell Nettie?" said the little girl, gazing also +with calm equanimity. "If he wants Nettie he'll have to wait," said the +elder boy. A pause followed; the unhappy doctor stood transfixed by the +steady stare of their three pair of eyes. Suddenly the little girl burst +out of the room, and ran screaming along the passage. "Mamma, mamma, +here's a man come," cried the wonderful colonial child. A few minutes +afterwards their mother appeared, languid and faded as before. Perhaps +she had been even prettier than Nettie in her bright days, if any days +had ever been bright for Fred Rider's wife. She was fairer, larger, +smoother than her sister; but these advantages had lapsed in a general +fade, which transformed her colour into washy pinkness, made her figure +stoop, and her footsteps drag. She came remonstrating all the way in +feeble accents. It was not for her, certainly, that the doctor had taken +the trouble to come to the Blue Boar. + +"Please to sit down," said Mrs Fred, and stood leaning on the table, +looking at her brother-in-law with a calm curiosity, not unlike that +of her children. "Nettie and my husband have gone out together; but now +that we are all so happy and united," she continued, with a sort of +feeble spitefulness, "I am sure it is quite a pity to trouble you. You +could not take us in, you know. You said that very plain, Mr Edward." + +"It was perfectly true, madam," said the doctor. "I have not ventured on +the step my brother has taken, and have naturally no accommodation for a +family. But I am not here for my own pleasure. Your sister, I presume it +is, wrote to me. I was requested to call here to-day." + +"Oh, yes; Nettie is very self-willed--very; though, of course, we could +not get on without her. She attacked Fred like a wild-cat for not writing +you: but I daresay, if the truth were known, you did not expect to hear +from my husband," said the wife, recovering her voice, and fixing a +vindictive gaze upon her visitor, who felt himself betrayed. + +"I came by Miss Underwood's instructions and at her request," said the +unfortunate man. "We need not enter into any question between Fred and +myself." + +"Ah, yes, that is very safe and wise for you," laughed Fred's wife. + +The doctor was deeply exasperated, as was only natural: he eyed the +feeble helpless creature for a moment angrily, provoked to answer her; +but his gaze became one of wonder and dismay ere he withdrew it. Surely +of all incomprehensible entities, the most amazing is a fool--a creature +insensate, unreasoning, whom neither argument nor fact can make any +impression upon. Appalled and impressed, the doctor's gaze left that +pretty faded face to turn upon the children. Dreadful imps! If Fred had +only taken to evil ways after he became possessed of such a family, his +brother could have forgiven him. While these thoughts passed through Dr +Rider's mind, however, deliverance approached. He heard Nettie's voice +in the passage, long before she reached the door. Not that it was loud +like the voices of this dreadful household; but the tone was sufficiently +peculiar to be recognised anywhere. With a most penetrating clearness, +it came through the long passages, words inaudible, only the sound of a +voice, rapid, breathless, decided--with the distant sound of Fred's long, +shambling, uncertain footsteps coming in as the strange accompaniment. +Then they entered the room--the one tiny, bright, dauntless, an intrepid, +undiscourageable little soul; the other with his heavy large limbs, his +bemused face, his air of hopeless failure, idleness, content. Edward +Rider gazed involuntarily from one to another of this two. He saw the +sprite place herself between the husband and wife, a vain little Quixote, +balancing these extremes of helplessness and ruin. He could not help +looking at her with a certain unconscious admiration and amazement, as +he might have looked at a forlorn hope. Thousands of miles away from her +friends, wherever and whatever they might be, with Fred and his wife and +children on her hands, a household of incapables--what was that little +creature to do? + +"Good morning, Dr Edward," said Nettie. "I thought I should have been +back sooner; but Fred is so slow, I cannot manage to get him along at +all. We have found some lodgings a little way out of Carlingford, near +that chapel, you know, or church, or something, that stands a little +off the road: where it's open, and there's morning service, and such a +handsome young clergyman. Who is he? We went into the chapel, and it's +so fine, you would not believe it. Well, just a hundred yards from there +is the house. Four rooms, exactly what I wanted, with a garden for the +children to play in--quite quiet, and fresh and pleasant. Tell me who +the people are--their name is Smith. If they're respectable, I'll go +back and take it. I can afford the rent." + +"Near St Roque's? They belong to the church there. I daresay they are +all right," said the doctor, "but it is a long way off, and inconvenient, +and----" + +"That is just why I want it," said Nettie. "We never were used to +conveniences, and none of us want to be much in the town, so far as I +know. It is the very thing. Why has not lunch come up?--what do these +people mean, Susan, by not attending to their orders? Ring the bell, +Freddy--ring loud; and after lunch, as your drag is at the door, Dr +Edward, you'll drive me down to this place again, that I may secure +it, won't you? I want to have a talk with you besides.--Lunch, please, +immediately. I ordered it to be ready at one--now it is half-past. We +can't have our time wasted this way.--Dr Edward, please, you'll stay." + +The doctor gazed with ever-increasing amazement at the little speaker. +Nobody else had spoken a word. Fred had nodded to him sullenly. Fred's +wife had sunk back on the sofa--everybody seemed to recognise Nettie +as supreme. He hesitated, it must be confessed, to put his grievances +so entirely aside as to sit down in perfect amity with Fred and his +household; but to refuse to drive Nettie to St Roque's was impossible. +The blood rushed to the doctor's face at the thought. What the world +of Carlingford would say to see his well-known vehicle proceeding +down Grange Lane, through Dr Marjoribanks's territories, under such +circumstances, was a question he did not choose to consider; neither did +he enter too minutely into the special moment at which his next patient +might be expecting him. The young man was under the spell, and did not +struggle against it. He yielded to the invitation, which was a command. +He drew near the table at which Nettie, without hesitation, took the +presiding place. A dull amount of conversation, often interrupted by +that lively little woman, rose in the uncongenial party. Nettie cut up +the meat for those staring imps of children--did them all up in snowy +napkins--kept them silent and in order. She regulated what Susan was to +have, and which things were best for Fred. She appealed to Dr Edward +perpetually, taking him into her confidence in a way which could not +fail to be flattering to that young man, and actually reduced to +the calmness of an ordinary friendly party this circle so full of +smouldering elements of commotion. Through all she was so dainty, so +pretty, her rapid fingers so shapely, her eager talk so sweet-toned, +that it was beyond the power of mortal man to remain uninterested. It +was a development of womankind unknown to Dr Rider. Bessie Christian had +exhausted the race for him until now; but Nettie was a thousand times +more piquant than Bessie Christian. He gazed and wondered, and moralised +secretly in his own mind, what was to become of the girl?--what could +she do? + +"You have left some of your things at my house, Fred," said the doctor, +making an attempt to approach his sullen brother, who evidently expected +no overtures of friendship. + +"Yes. Mrs Rider, you see, arrived unexpectedly," said Fred, with +confusion--"in fact, I knew nothing about it, or--or I should have told +you--Nettie----" + +"Nettie thought it best to come off at once, without writing," explained +Fred's wife. + +"What was the use of writing?" cried that little person. "You had +written to Fred for six months without ever getting an answer. You made +everybody unhappy round you with your fears and troubles about him. I +knew perfectly he was quite well and enjoying himself; but, of course, +Susan would not be convinced. So what was there for it but bringing her +away? What else could I do, Dr Edward? And to leave the children would +have been preposterous. In the first place, I should have been miserable +about them; and so, as soon as she found Fred was all right, would +Susan: and something would certainly have happened--scarlet fever or +something--and at the end of all I should have had to go out again to +fetch them. So the shortest way was to bring them at once. Don't you +think so? And to see us all here so comfortable, I am sure is enough to +repay any one for the trouble. Fred, don't drink any more beer." + +Nettie put out her tiny hand as she spoke to arrest the bottle. Fred +stared at her with a dull red flush on his face; but he gave in, in the +most inexplicable way; it seemed a matter of course to yield to Nettie. +The doctor's amazement began to be mingled with amusement. To see how she +managed them all was worth the sacrifice of a little time--unconsciously +he became more fraternal in his thoughts. He spoke to foolish faded Mrs +Fred with a total forgiveness and forgetfulness of her spiteful speech. +He hoped she would like Carlingford; he said something to the children. +But it was not easy to talk in presence of that amazing family party, +the existence of which he had not dreamed of a few days ago. To see +his brother at the head of such a group had, in spite of himself, a +wonderful effect upon Dr Rider. Their children, of course, must be +supported somehow. Who was to do it? Was their father, grown incapable +and useless in the middle of his days, to be forced into the current of +life again? Was it a vague faith in Providence which had brought the +helpless household here; or was it a more distinct, if not so elevated, +confidence in Nettie? The doctor's heart sank once more within him as he +looked round the table. Three helpless by nature--two equally helpless +who ought in nature to have been the support of the whole--nothing but +one bright ready little spirit between them all and destitution; and +what could Nettie do to stave that wolf from the door? Once more Dr +Rider's countenance fell. If the household broke down in its attempt at +independence, who had they to turn to but himself?--such a prospect was +not comfortable. When a man works himself to death for his own family, +he takes the pleasure with the pain; but when another's family threatens +to fall upon his hands, the prospect is naturally appalling--and +even if Fred could do anything, what was Fred's life, undermined by +evil habit, to depend upon? Silence once more fell over the little +company--silence from all but Nettie and the children, who referred to +her naturally instead of to their mother. Fred was sullen, and his wife +took her cue from him. Edward was uneasy and dismayed. Family parties +suddenly assembled without due warning are seldom greatly successful; +and even Nettie could not make immediate reconciliation and fraternal +kindness out of this. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +"Take me down this long pretty road. There must be delicious houses +inside the walls. Look here; drive slowly, and let us have a peep in at +this open door," said Nettie. "How sweet and cosy! and who is that +pretty young lady coming out? I saw her in the chapel this morning. Oh," +added Nettie, with a little sharpness, "she knows _you_--tell me who she +is." + +"That is Miss Lucy Wodehouse--one of our Carlingford beauties," said Dr +Rider. + +"Do you know her very well?" asked the inquisitive Nettie. "How she +stares--why does she stare, do you suppose? Is there anything absurd +about my dress? Look here--don't they wear bonnets just like this in +England?" + +"So far as I am able to judge," said the doctor, looking at the tiny +head overladen with hair, from which the bonnet had fallen half off. + +"I suppose she is surprised to see me here. Drive on faster, Dr Edward, +I want to talk to you. I see Fred has been telling us a parcel of +stories. It would be cruel to tell Susan, you know, for she believes in +him; but you may quite trust me. Is your brother good for anything, Dr +Edward, do you suppose?" + +"Not very much now, I fear," said the doctor. + +"Not very much _now_. I suppose he never was good for much," said the +indignant Nettie; "but he was said to be very clever when he first came +out to the colony. I can't tell why Susan married him. She is very +self-willed, though you would fancy her so submissive. She is one of +those people, you know, who fall ill when they are crossed, and threaten +to die, so that one daren't cross her. Now, then, what is to be done +with them? He will not go back to the colony, and I don't care to do it +myself. Must I keep them here?" + +"Miss Underwood----" began the perplexed doctor. + +"It would save trouble to call me Nettie--everybody does," said his +strange companion; "besides, you are my brother in a kind of a way, and +the only person I can consult with; for, of course, it would not do to +tell one's difficulties to strangers. Fred may not be very much to depend +upon, you know, but still he is Fred." + +"Yes," said the doctor, with a little self-reproach, "still he is Fred; +but pardon me, the name suggests long aggravations. You can't tell how +often I have had to put up with affronts and injuries because it was +Fred. I shouldn't like to grieve you----" + +"Never mind about grieving me;--_I_ am not in love with him;--let me +hear all about it!" said Nettie. + +Dr Rider paused a little; seeing the abyss upon the brink of which this +brave little girl was standing, he had not the heart to aggravate her +by telling the failures of the past. Better to soften the inevitable +discovery if possible. But his hesitation was quite apparent to Nettie. +With considerable impatience she turned round upon him. + +"If you think I don't know what I am doing, but have gone into this +business like a fool, you are quite mistaken, Dr Edward," she said, a +little sharply. "I see how it is as well as anybody can do. I knew how +it was when I left the colony. Don't be alarmed about me. Do you think +I am to be turned against my own flesh and blood by finding out their +follies; or to grumble at the place God put me in?--Nothing of the sort! +I know the kind of situation perfectly--but one _may_ make the best of +it, you know: and for that reason tell me everything, please." + +"But, Miss Underwood, consider," cried the doctor, in consternation. +"You are taking responsibilities upon yourself which nobody could lay +upon you; you! young--tender" (the doctor paused for a word, afraid to +be too complimentary)--"delicate! Why, the whole burden of this family +will come upon you. There is not one able to help himself in the whole +bundle! I am shocked!--I am alarmed!--I don't know what to say to +you----" + +"Don't say anything, please," said Nettie. "I know what I am about. Do +you call this a street or a lane, or what do you call it? Oh, such nice +houses! shouldn't I like to be able to afford to have one of them, and +nurses, and governesses, and everything proper for the children! I should +like to dress them so nicely, and give them such a good education. I +don't know anything particular to speak of, myself--I shall never be +able to teach them when they grow older. If Fred, now, was only to be +trusted, and would go and work like a man and make something for the +children, I daresay I could keep up the house;--but if he won't do +anything, you know, it will take us every farthing just to live. Look +here, Dr Edward: I have two hundred a-year;--Susan had the same, you +know, but Fred got all the money when they were married, and muddled it +away. Now, how much can one do in Carlingford with three children upon +two hundred a-year?" + +"Fred will be the meanest blackguard in existence," cried the doctor, +"if he takes his living from you." + +"He took his living from _you_, it appears," said Nettie, coolly, "and +did not thank you much. We must make the best of him. We can't help +ourselves. Now, there is the pretty church, and there is our little +house. Come in with me and answer for me, Dr Edward. You can say I +am your sister-in-law, you know, and then, perhaps, we can get into +possession at once; for," said Nettie, suddenly turning round upon the +doctor with her brilliant eyes shining out quaintly under the little +brow all puckered into curves of foresight, "it is so sadly expensive +living where we are now." + +To look at the creature thus flashing those shining eyes, not without a +smile lurking in their depths, upon him--to see the triumphant, undaunted, +undoubting youthfulness which never dreamt of failure--to note that +pretty anxiety, the look which might have become a bride in her first +troubles "playing at housekeeping," and think how desperate was the +position she had assumed, how dreary the burden she had taken upon +her--was almost too much for the doctor's self-control. He did not know +whether to admire the little heroine as half-divine, or to turn from +her as half-crazy. Probably, had the strange little spirit possessed a +different frame, the latter was the sentiment which would have influenced +the unimaginative mind of Edward Rider. But there was no resisting that +little brown Titania, with her little head overladen with its beautiful +hair, her red, delicate mouth closing firm and sweet above that little +decided chin, her eyes which seemed to concentrate the light. She seemed +only a featherweight when the bewildered doctor helped her to alight--an +undoubted sprite and creature of romance. But to hear her arranging about +all the domestic necessities within, and disclosing her future plans +for the children, and all the order of that life of which she took the +charge so unhesitatingly, bewildered the mistress of the house as much +as it did the wondering doctor. The two together stood gazing at her as +she moved about the room, pouring forth floods of eager talk. Her words +were almost as rapid as her step,--her foot, light as it was, almost as +decided and firm as her resolutions. She was a wonder to behold as she +pushed about the furniture, and considered how it could be brightened +up and made more comfortable. Gazing at her with his silent lips apart, +Dr Rider sighed at the word. Comfortable! Was she to give her mind to +making Fred and his children comfortable--such a creature as this? +Involuntarily it occurred to Edward that, under such ministrations, +sundry changes might come over the aspect of that prim apartment in +which he had seen her first; the room with the bookcase and the red +curtains, and the prints over the mantelpiece--a very tidy, comfortable +room before any bewitching imp came to haunt it, and whisper suspicions +of its imperfection--the doctor's own retirement, where he had chewed +the cud of sweet and bitter fancies often enough, without much thought +of his surroundings. But Nettie now had taken possession of the prosaic +place, and, all unconscious of that spiritual occupation, was as busy +and as excited about Mrs Smith's lodgings at St Roque's Cottage as if it +were an ideal home she was preparing, and the life to be lived in it was +the brightest and most hopeful in the world. + +When Dr Rider reached home that night, and took his lonely meal in his +lonely room, certain bitter thoughts of unequal fortune occupied the +young man's mind. Let a fellow be but useless, thankless, and heartless +enough, and people spring up on all sides to do his work for him, said +the doctor to himself, with a bitterness as natural as it was untrue. +The more worthless a fellow is, the more all the women connected with +him cling to him and make excuses for him, said Edward Rider in his +indignant heart. Mother and sister in the past--wife and Nettie now--to +think how Fred had secured for himself such perpetual ministrations, +by neglecting all the duties of life! No wonder an indignant pang +transfixed the lonely bosom of the virtuous doctor, solitary and +unconsoled as he was. _His_ laborious days knew no such solace. And as +he fretted and pondered, no visions of Bessie Christian perplexed his +thoughts. He had forgotten that young woman. All his mind was fully +occupied chafing at the sacrifice of Nettie. He was not sorry, he was +angry, to think of her odd position, and the duties she had taken upon +herself. What had she to do with those wretched children, and that +faded spiteful mother? Edward Rider was supremely disgusted. He said to +himself, with the highest moral indignation, that such a girl ought not +to be permitted to tie herself to such a fate. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +St Roque's Cottage was considered rather a triumph of local architecture. +A Carlingford artist had built it "after" the Church, which was one of +Gilbert Scott's churches, and perfect in its way, so that its Gothic +qualities were unquestionable. The only thing wanting was size, which +was certainly an unfortunate defect, and made this adaptation of +ecclesiastical architecture to domestic purposes a very doubtful +experiment. However, in bright sunshine, when the abundance of light +neutralised the want of window, all was well, and there was still +abundance of sunshine in Carlingford in October, three months after the +entrance of Fred Rider and his family into Mrs Smith's little rooms. It +was a bright autumn day, still mild, though with a crispness in the air, +the late season showing more in the destitution of the flower-borders +than in any more sensible sign. It was a pretty spot enough for a +roadside. St Roque's stood on the edge of a little common, over which, +at the other margin, you could see some white cottages, natural to +the soil, in a little hamlet-cluster, dropped along the edge of the +grey-green unequal grass; while between the church and the cottage ran +the merest shadow of a brook, just enough to give place and nutriment +to three willow-trees which had been the feature of the scene before St +Roque's was, and which now greatly helped the composition of the little +landscape, and harmonised the new building with the old soil. St Roque's +Cottage, by special intervention of Mr Wentworth, the perpetual curate, +had dropped no intervening wall between its garden and those trees; but, +not without many fears, had contented itself with a wooden paling on the +side nearest the willows. Consequently, the slope of grass at that side, +which Mrs Smith was too prudent to plant with anything that could be +abstracted, was a pretty slope with the irregular willow shadows swept +over it, thin, but still presenting a pale obstruction to the flood of +sunshine on this special afternoon. There a little group was collected, +in full enjoyment of the warmth and the light. Mrs Rider, still faded, +but no longer travel-worn, sat farther up in the garden, on the green +bench, which had been softened with cushions for her use, leisurely +working at some piece of needlework, in lonely possession of the +chrysanthemums and Michaelmas daisies round her; while on the grass, +dropped over with yellow flecks of willow-leaves, lightly loosened by +every passing touch of wind, sat Nettie, all brown and bright, working +with the most rapid fingers at a child's frock, and "minding" with a +corner of her eye the possessor of the same, the tiny Freddy, an imp of +mischief uncontrollable by other hand or look than hers. A little lower +down, poking into the invisible brook through the paling, was the eldest +boy, silent from sheer delight in the unexpected pleasure of coating +himself with mud without remark from Nettie. This unprecedented escape +arose from the fact that Nettie had a visitor, a lady who had bent down +beside her in a half-kneeling attitude, and was contemplating her with +a mingled amaze and pity which intensified the prevailing expression +of kindness in the mildest face in the world. It was Miss Wodehouse, in +her soft dove-coloured dress and large soft checked shawl. Her mild eyes +were fixed upon that brilliant brown creature, all buoyant and sparkling +with youth. These wonderful young people perplexed Miss Wodehouse; here +was another incomprehensible specimen--most incomprehensible perhaps of +all that had ever crossed her mild elderly horizon with bewildering +unintelligible light. + +"My dear," said Miss Wodehouse, "things used to be very different +when I was young. When we were girls we thought about our own +pleasures--and--and vanities of all kinds," said the good woman, with a +little sigh; "and, indeed, I can't think it is natural still to see you +devoting yourself like this to your sister's family. It is wonderful; +but dear, dear me! it isn't natural, Nettie, such self-devotion." + +"I do wish you wouldn't speak!" said Nettie, with a sudden +start--"self-devotion! stuff! I am only doing what must be done. Freddy +can't go on wearing one frock for ever, can he--does it stand to reason? +Would you have me sit idle and see the child's petticoats drop to pieces? +I am a colonial girl--I don't know what people do in England. Where I +was brought up we were used to be busy about whatever lay nearest to our +hand." + +"It isn't Freddy's frock," said Miss Wodehouse, with a little solemnity. +"You know very well what I mean. And suppose you were to marry--what +would happen supposing you were to marry, Nettie?" + +"It is quite time enough to think of that when there is any likelihood +of it happening," said Nettie, with a little toss of her head. "It is +only idle people who have time to think of falling in love and such +nonsense. When one is very busy it never comes into one's head. Why, +you have never married, Miss Wodehouse; and when I know that I have +everything I possibly could desire, why should I?" + +Miss Wodehouse bent her troubled sweet old face over the handle of her +parasol, and did not say anything for a few minutes. "It is all very +well as long as you are young," she said, with a wistful look; "and +somehow you young creatures are so much handier than we used to be. Our +little Lucy, you know, that I can remember quite a baby--I am twice as +old as she is," cried Miss Wodehouse, "and she is twice as much use in +the world as I. Well, it is all very strange. But, dear, you know, +_this_ isn't natural all the same." + +"It is dreadful to say so--it is dreadful to think so!" cried Nettie. +"I know what you mean--not Freddy's frock, to be sure, but only one's +whole life and heart. Should one desert the only people belonging to one +in the world because one happens to have a little income and they have +none? If one's friends are not very sensible, is that a reason why one +should go and leave them? Is it right to make one's escape directly +whenever one feels one is wanted? or what do you mean, Miss Wodehouse?" +said the vehement girl. "That is what it comes to, you know. Do you +imagine I had any choice about coming over to England when Susan was +breaking her heart about her husband? could one let one's sister die, +do you suppose? And now that they are all together, what choice have I? +They can't do much for each other--there is actually nobody but me to +take care of them all. You may say it is not natural, or it is not +right, or anything you please, but what else can one do? That is the +practical question," said Nettie, triumphantly. "If you will answer +that, then I shall know what to say to you." + +Miss Wodehouse gazed at her with a certain mild exasperation, shook her +head, wrung her hands, but could find nothing to answer. + +"I thought so," said Nettie, with a little outburst of jubilee; "that +is how it always happens to abstract people. Put the practical question +before them, and they have not a word to say to you. Freddy, cut the +grass with the scissors, don't cut my trimmings; they are for your own +frock, you little savage. If I were to say it was my duty and all that +sort of stuff, you would understand me, Miss Wodehouse; but one only +says it is one's duty when one has something disagreeable to do; and I +am not doing anything disagreeable," added the little heroine, flashing +those eyes which had confused Edward Rider--those brilliant, resolute, +obstinate eyes, always with the smile of youth, incredulous of evil, +lurking in them, upon her bewildered adviser. "I am living as I like to +live." + +There was a pause--at least there was a pause in the argument, but not +in Nettie's talk, which ran on in an eager stream, addressed to Freddy, +Johnnie, things in general. Miss Wodehouse pondered over the handle +of her parasol. She had absolutely nothing to say; but, thoroughly +unconvinced and exasperated at Nettie's logic, could not yet retire from +the field. + +"It is all very well to talk just now," said the gentle woman at last, +retiring upon that potent feminine argument; "but, Nettie, think! If you +were to marry----" + +Miss Wodehouse paused, appalled by the image she herself had conjured +up. + +"Marrying is really a dreadful business, anyhow," she added, with a +sigh; "so few people, you know, can, when they might. There is poor Mr +Wentworth, who brought me here first; unless he gets preferment, poor +fellow----. And there is Dr Rider. Things are very much changed from +what they used to be in my young days." + +"Is Dr Rider in the same dilemma? I suppose, of course, you mean Dr +Edward," cried Nettie, with a little flash of mischievous curiosity. +"Why? He has nobody but himself. I should like to know why he can't +marry--that is, if anybody would have him--when he pleases. Tell me; you +know he is my brother-in-law." + +Miss Wodehouse had been thinking of Bessie Christian. She paused, partly +for Dr Rider's sake, partly because it was quite contrary to decorum, +to suppose that Bessie, now Mrs Brown, might possibly a year ago +have married somebody else. She faltered a little in her answer. "A +professional man never marries till he has a position," said Miss +Wodehouse, abstractedly. Nettie lifted upon her, eyes that danced with +mischief and glee. + +"A profession is as bad as a family, then," said the little Australian. +"I shall remember that next time you speak to me on this subject. I am +glad to think Dr Edward, with all his prudence, is disabled too." + +When Nettie had made this unguarded speech, she blushed; and suddenly, +in a threatening and defiant manner, raised her eyes again to Miss +Wodehouse's face. Why? Miss Wodehouse did not understand the look, nor +put any significance into the words. She rose up from the grass, and +said it was time for her to go. She went away, pondering in her own mind +those singular new experiences of hers. She had never been called upon +to do anything particular all her gentle life. Another fashion of woman +might have found a call to action in the management of her father's +house, or the education of her motherless young sister. But Miss +Wodehouse had contented herself with loving Lucy--had suffered her to +grow up very much as she would, without interference--had never taken +a decided part in her life. When anything had to be done, to tell the +truth, she was very inexpert--unready--deeply embarrassed with the unusual +necessity. Nettie's case, so wonderfully different from anything she +could have conceived, lay on her mind and oppressed her as she went home +to Grange Lane. + +As for Nettie herself, she took her work and her children indoors after +a while, and tried on the new frock, and scolded and rehabilitated the +muddy hero of the brook. Then, with those light fairy motions of hers, +she spread the homely table for tea, called in Susan, sought Fred in his +room up-stairs with a stinging word which penetrated even his callous +mind, and made him for the moment ashamed of himself. Nettie bit her red +lip till it grew white and bloodless as she turned from Fred's door. It +was not hard to work for the children--to support and domineer over +Susan; but it was hard for such an alert uncompromising little soul to +tolerate that useless hulk--that heavy encumbrance of a man, for whom +hope and life were dead. She bit her lip as she discharged her sharp +stinging arrow at him through the half-opened door, and then went +down singing, to take her place at the table which her own hands had +spread--which her own purse supplied with bread. Nobody there showed the +least consciousness of that latter fact; nobody fancied it was anything +but natural to rely upon Nettie. The strange household demeaned itself +exactly as if things were going on in the most regular and ordinary +course. No wonder that spectators outside looked on with a wonder that +could scarcely find expression, and half exasperated, half admiring, +watched the astonishing life of the colonial girl. + +Nobody watched it with half the amount of exasperation which concentrated +in the bosom of Dr Rider. He gazed and noted and observed everything +with a secret rage, indignation, and incredulity impossible to describe. +He could not believe it even when it went on before his very eyes. +Doctor though he was, and scientific, to a certain extent, Edward Rider +would have believed in witchcraft--in some philtre or potion acting upon +her mind, rather than in Nettie's voluntary folly. Was it folly? was it +heroism? was it simple necessity, as she herself called it? Nobody +could answer that question. The matter was as incomprehensible to Miss +Wodehouse as to Dr Rider, but not of such engrossing interest. Bessie +Christian, after all, grew tame in the Saxon composure of her beauty +before this brown, sparkling, self-willed, imperious creature. To see +her among her self-imposed domestic duties filled the doctor with a +smouldering wrath against all surrounding her, which any momentary spark +might set aflame. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +Affairs went on in Carlingford with the usual commonplace pertinacity of +human affairs. Notable events happened but seldom in anybody's life, and +matters rolled back into their ordinary routine, or found a new routine +for themselves after the ordinary course of humanity. After the +extraordinary advent of Nettie and her strange household--after the +setting-out of that wonderful little establishment, with all the amazed +expectation it excited--it was strange to see how everything settled +down, and how calmly the framework of common life took in that exceptional +and half-miraculous picture. Lookers-on prophesied that it never could +last--that in the very nature of things some sudden crisis or collapse +must ensue, and the vain experiment prove a failure; but quiet nature +and steady time prevailed over these moralists and their prophecies. The +winter went on calmly day by day, and Nettie and her dependants became +legitimate portions of Carlingford society. People ceased to wonder +by degrees. Gradually the eyes of Carlingford grew accustomed to that +dainty tiny figure sweeping along, by mere impulse of cheerful will +and ceaseless activity, the three open-eyed staring children, the faded +mother. Sometimes, indeed, Nettie, too clear of the necessity of her +own exertions, and too simply bent upon her business, to feel any +sentimental shame of her relations, was seen quickening the sluggish +steps of Fred himself, who shuffled along by her side in a certain +flush of self-disgust, never perceptible upon him under any other +circumstances. Even Fred was duly moved by her vicinity. When he saw +other people look at them, his bemused intellect was still alive enough +to comprehend that people were aware of his dismal dependence upon that +fairy creature, whom it was a shame to think of as the support not only +of his deserted children, but of his own base comforts and idleness. But +the spur, though it pricked, did not goad him into any action. When he +got home, he took refuge in his room up-stairs, in the hazy atmosphere +drugged with the heavy fumes of his pipe, and stretched his slovenly +limbs on his sofa, and buried his confused faculties in his old novel. +So he lived day by day, circumscribed in the most dangerous of his +indulgences by Nettie's unhesitating strictures and rules, which nobody +dared break, but unlimited in his indolence, his novel, and his pipe. +That stifling fire, that close room, the ashes of the pipe on the table, +the listless shabby figure on the sofa, were the most dismal part of the +interior at St Roque's Cottage, so far as it appeared to the external +eye. But it is doubtful whether Mrs Fred, spiteful and useless, with +her poor health, her selfish love, her utter unreason, dawdling over +trifling matters which she never completed; or the three children, +entirely unrespectful of father and mother, growing up amid that wonderful +subversion of the ordinary rules of nature, with some loyalty to Nettie, +but no reverence in them, were not as appalling companions to live with. +Nettie, however, did not consider the matter as a spectator might. She +did not enter into it at all as a matter to be criticised; they simply +belonged to her as they were. She knew their faults without loving them +less, or feeling it possible that faults could make any difference to +those bonds of nature. Fred, indeed, did afflict her lively impatient +spirit;--she had tried to quicken him into life at first--she gave him +up with a certain frank scorn now, and accepted her position. Thus he +was to be all his life long this big cumberer of the ground. Nettie, +valorous and simple, made up her mind to it. He was Fred--that was all +that could be said on the subject; and, being Fred, belonged to her, and +had to be cared for like the rest. + +It all grew into a matter of routine as that winter glided along; +outside and in, everybody came to take it for granted. Miss Wodehouse, +who, with a yearning admiration of a creature so totally unlike herself, +came often to visit Nettie, ceased to expostulate, almost ceased to +wonder. Mr Wentworth no longer opened his fine eyes in amazement when +that household was named. Mrs Smith, their landlady, calmly brought her +bills to Nettie, and forgot that it was not the most natural thing in +the world that she should be paid by Miss Underwood. The only persistent +sceptic was the doctor. Edward Rider could not, would not, believe it. +He who had so chafed under Fred's society, felt it beyond the bounds +of human possibility that Nettie could endure him. He watched with an +eagerness which he found it difficult to account for, to see the first +symptoms of disgust which must ere long mark the failure of this bold +but foolish venture. It occupied his mind a great deal more than was +good for his own comfort; perhaps more than was best for his patients. +Though he had few people to visit in that quarter of the town, his +drag was seen to pass St Roque's Cottage most days in the week; and +when urgent messages came for Dr Rider in the evening, his little +groom always wended his way out through the special district of Dr +Marjoribanks to find his master, if the doctor was not at home. Not that +all this devotion assisted him much either in increase of friendship +with his relations, or in verification of his auguries. The disgust of +the young doctor, when he saw his brother's slovenly figure in his own +chair, was nothing to his disgust now, when he saw that same form, so +out of accordance with the neat little sitting-room which Nettie's +presence made dainty and refined in its homeliness, lounging in Nettie's +way. He could not bring himself to speak with ordinary patience to +Fred; and Fred, obtuse as he was, perceived his brother's disgust and +contempt, and resented it sullenly; and betrayed his resentment to the +foolish wife, who sulked and said spiteful things to Edward. It was not +a pleasant family group. As for Nettie, she was much too fully occupied +to give her society or conversation to Dr Rider. She came and went +while he was there, busy about a thousand things, always alert, decided, +uncompromising--not disinclined to snub either Fred or Susan when +opportunity offered, totally unconscious even of that delicacy with +which a high fantastical heroine of romance would have found it +necessary to treat her dependants. It was this unconsciousness, above +all, that irritated the doctor. If she had shown any feeling, he said +to himself--if she had even been grandly aware of sacrificing herself +and doing her duty--there would have been some consolation in it. But +Nettie obstinately refused to be said to do her duty. She was doing +her own will with an imperious distinctness and energy--having her own +way--displaying no special virtue, but a determined wilfulness. Dr +Rider was half disgusted with Nettie, to see how little disgust she +showed of her companions. He was disappointed in her: he concluded to +himself that she did not show that fine perception which he was disposed +to expect from so dainty a little sprite. Yet, notwithstanding all these +disappointed expectations, it is astonishing how he haunted that room +where the society was so unattractive, and bore Mrs Fred's spiteful +speeches, and suffered his eyes and his temper to be vexed beyond +endurance by the dismal sight of his brother. The children, too, worried +their unfortunate uncle beyond description. He did not dislike children: +as a general rule, mothers in the other end of Carlingford, indeed, +declared the doctor to be wonderfully tender and indulgent to his +little patients: but those creatures, with their round staring eyes, +the calm remarks they made upon their father's slovenly indolence and +their mother's imbecility--their precocious sharp-sightedness and +insubordination, moved Dr Rider with a sharp prevailing inclination, +intensifying by times almost into action, to whip them all round, and +banish the intolerable brats out of sight. Such was his unpaternal way +of contemplating the rising hopes of his house. How Nettie could bear it +all, was an unceasing marvel to the doctor. Yet, in spite of these +disagreeables, he went to St Roque's all the same. + +One of these winter evenings the doctor wended his way to St Roque's +Cottage in a worse frame of mind than usual. It was a clear frosty +night, very pleasant to be out in, though sharp and chill; such a night +as brightens young eyes, and exhilarates young hearts, when all is well +with them. Young Rider could hear his own footsteps echoing along the +hard frost-bound road, and could not but wonder in himself, as he drew +near the group of buildings which broke the solitude of the way, whether +Nettie too might hear it, and _perhaps_ recognise the familiar step. The +shadow of St Roque's fell cold over him as he passed. Just from that +spot the light in the parlour window of the cottage became perceptible +to the wayfarer. A shadow crossed the blind as he came in sight--Nettie +unquestionably. It occurred to Dr Rider to remember with very sharp +distinctness at that moment, how Nettie's little shadow had dropped +across the sunshine that first morning when he saw her in his own room. +He quickened his step unawares--perhaps to-night Nettie might be more +accessible than usual, less shut in and surrounded by her family. He +pictured to himself, as he went past the willows, which rustled faintly +with their long bare branches in the night air, that perhaps, as he was +later than usual, Fred might have retired to his den up-stairs; and +Susan might have gone to bear Fred company--who knows? and the children +might be in bed, the dreadful little imps. And for once a half-hour's +talk with the strange little head of the house might comfort the young +doctor's fatigued mind and troubled heart. + +For he was sadly fatigued and worn out. What with incessant occupation +and distracted thoughts, this year had been a very exhausting one for +the doctor. He had fagged on through the whole summer and autumn without +any relaxation. He had chafed over Fred's presence for half of the +year, and had been occupied for the other half with matters still more +absorbing and exciting. Even now his mind was in a perpetual ferment, +and no comforting spirit spoke quietness to his soul--no stout heart +strengthened his--no lively intelligence animated his own to worthy +doings. He was very cross and fretful, and knew himself to be so that +particular evening--worried and in want of rest. What a chance, if +perhaps he found Nettie, whose very provocations were somehow more +interesting than other people's most agreeable and tranquillising +efforts, all alone and at leisure! He went on with some palpitations of +hope. As soon as he had entered the cottage, however, he found out the +delusion he was under. The children were the first fact that presented +itself to his senses; an uproar that pervaded the house, a novel tumult +waking all the echoes; glimpses of flying figures pursuing each other +with brushes and mops, and other impromptu weapons; one astride upon +the banisters of the stairs, sliding down from top to bottom; another +clinging now and then, in the pauses of the conflict, to the top of +one of the doors, by which it swung back and forward. Terrible infants! +there they all were in a complete saturnalia, the door of the parlour +half open all the time, and no sound of Nettie's restraining voice. +Only poor Mrs Smith standing helpless in successions of fright and +exasperation, sometimes alarmed for life and limb, sometimes ready to +give the little wretches over to all the penalties of poetic justice. +The poor woman brightened a little when she perceived the sympathetic +horror on the doctor's face. + +"How's this?" exclaimed young Rider, with a sigh of dismay. Alas! +however it was, no quiet imaginary conference, no soothing glimpse of +Nettie, was practicable to-night. He grew sulky and ferocious under +the thought. He seized the imp that hung on the door, and set it down +summarily with a certain moral violence, unable to refrain from an +admonitory shake, which startled its sudden scream into a quavering echo +of alarm. "Do you want to break your neck, sir?" cried the wrathful +uncle. Dr Rider, however, had to spring aside almost before the words +were uttered to escape the encounter of a hearth-brush levelled at him +by his sweet little niece. "How is this, Mrs Smith?" cried the startled +visitor, with indignation, raising his voice sufficiently to be quite +audible through the half-open door. + +"Bless you, sir, Miss is gone out to tea--don't say nothing--I don't +begrudge the poor young lady a bit of a holiday," whispered the frightened +landlady under her breath; "but I can't never give in to it again. Their +mamma never takes a bit of notice exceptin' when they're found fault +with. Lord! to think how blind some folks is when it's their own. But +the poor dear young lady, she's gone out for a little pleasure--only to +Miss Wodehouse's, doctor," added Mrs Smith, looking up with a sudden +start to catch the stormy expression on the doctor's face. + +He made no reply to the troubled landlady. He pushed the children aside, +and made a stride into the parlour. To be sure, if Nettie was not here, +what a charming opportunity to make himself disagreeable, and give the +other two a piece of his mind! Edward Rider was anything but perfect. He +decided on that expedient with an angry satisfaction. Since he could not +have Nettie, he would at least have this relief to his feelings, which +was next best. + +The room was full of smoke, which came in heavy puffs from Fred's pipe. +He himself lay stretched on the little sofa; Nettie's sofa--Nettie's +room--the place sacred in the doctor's heart to that bright little +figure, the one redeeming presence in this dismal household. Mrs Fred +sat dawdling opposite her husband over some wretched fancy-work. Eyes +less prejudiced than those of Edward Rider might have imagined this a +scene of coarse but not unpleasant domestic comfort. To him it was a +disgusting picture of self-indulgence and selfish miserable enjoyment, +almost vice. The very tobacco which polluted the atmosphere of her room +was bought with Nettie's money. Pah! the doctor came in with a silent +pale concentration of fury and disgust, scarcely able to compel himself +to utter ordinary words of civility. His presence disturbed the pair in +their stolen pleasure. Fred involuntarily put aside his pipe, and Mrs +Fred made a little movement to remove from the table the glass from +which her husband had been drinking; but both recollected themselves +after a moment. The wife set down the glass with a little spiteful toss +of her head; the husband, with that heated sullen flush upon his face, +relighted his half-extinguished pipe, and put up again on the sofa +the slovenly-slippered feet which at Edward's first appearance he had +withdrawn from it. A sullen "How d'ye do?" was all the salutation that +passed between them. _They_ felt themselves found out; the visitor felt +with rage and indignation that he had found them out. Defiant shame and +resentment, spiteful passion and folly, on one side, encountered the +gaze of a spectator outside whose opinion could not be mistaken, a known +critic and possible spy. Little comfort could come from this strange +reunion. They sat in uneasy silence for a few minutes, mutually ready +to fly at each other. Mrs Fred, in her double capacity as a woman and a +fool, was naturally the first to speak. + +"Nettie's gone out to tea," said that good wife. "I daresay, Mr Edward, +we should not have had the pleasure of seeing you here had you known +that only Fred and I were at home. It is very seldom we have an evening +to ourselves. It was too great a pleasure, I suppose, not to be +disturbed." + +"Susan, hold your confounded tongue," said the ungrateful Fred. + +"I am sorry to disturb Mrs Rider," said Edward, with deadly civility. +"I was not aware, indeed, of the domestic enjoyment I was likely to +interrupt. But if you don't want your boys to break their necks, some +one ought certainly to interfere outside there." + +"That is exactly what I expected," said Mrs Fred. "My poor children +can't have a little amusement, poor things, but somebody must interfere +with it; and my poor Fred--perhaps you have some fault to find with him, +Mr Edward? Oh, I can see it in your looks! so please take your advantage, +now that there's nobody to be afraid of. I can tell you have ever so +many pleasant things just on your lips to say." + +"I wish you'd mind your own business, Susan," said her husband, who was +not a fool. "Look after these imps there, and let me and Edward alone. +Nettie's gone out, you understand. She's a wonderful creature, to be +sure, but it's a blessed relief to get rid of her for a little. A man +can't breathe under her sharp eyes," said Fred, half apologetic, half +defiant, as he breathed out a puff of smoke. + +Edward Rider stared at his brother, speechless with rage and indignation. +He could have rushed upon that listless figure, and startled the life half +out of the nerveless slovenly frame. The state of mingled resentment, +disappointment, and disgust he was in, made every particular of this +aggravating scene tell more emphatically. To see that heavy vapour +obscuring those walls which breathed of Nettie--to think of this one +little centre of her life, which always hitherto had borne in some +degree the impress of her womanly image, so polluted and vulgarised, +overpowered the young man's patience. Yet perhaps he of all men in the +world had least right to interfere. + +"How is it possible," burst forth the doctor all at once, "that you can +live upon that creature, Fred? If you have the heart of a mouse in that +big body of yours--if you are not altogether lost and degraded, how can +you do it? And, by Jove, when all is done, to go and fill the only room +she has--the only place you have left her--with this disgusting smoke +and noise as soon as her back is turned! Good heaven! it sickens one to +think of it. A fellow like you, as strong as any hodman, to let such a +creature sacrifice herself to keep him in bread; and the only bit of a +little place she can sit down in when she comes home--It's too much, you +know--it's more than she ought to bear." + +"And who are you, to meddle with us and our arrangements?" cried Mrs +Fred. "My husband is in his own house. You would not take us into your +house, Mr Edward----" + +"Hold your confounded tongue, I tell you," said Fred, slowly gathering +himself off the sofa. "You're a pretty fellow to speak, you are--that +wouldn't lend a fellow a shilling to keep him from ruin. You had better +remember where you are--in--in--as Susan says--my own house." + +What outbreak of contempt might have come from the doctor's lips was +fortunately lost at that moment, since a louder outcry than usual from +outside, the screams of the children, and the wailings of the landlady, +at length roused the mother to the length of going to the door. When +she was gone the two brothers eyed each other threateningly. Fred, not +without a certain intolerable sensation of shame, rose to knock his pipe +upon the mantel-shelf among Nettie's pretty girlish ornaments. Somehow +these aggravations of insult to her image drove Edward Rider desperate. +He laid his hand on Fred's shoulder and shook him violently. + +"Wake up! can't you wake up and see what you're about?" cried the +doctor; "can't you show a little respect for her, at least? Look here, +Fred Rider. I knew you could do anything shabby or mean, if it suited +you. I knew you would consent to hang a burden on anybody that would +take such a weight upon them; but, by Jove, I did not think you had the +heart to insult her, after all. A man can't stand by and see that. Clear +off your pipe and your brandy before she comes, or, as sure as I am made +of flesh and blood, and not cast-iron----" + +The doctor's threats were interrupted by the entrance of a woeful +procession. Into the presence of the two brothers, eyeing each other +with such lowering faces, Mrs Smith and her husband entered, carrying +between them, with solemn looks, the unconscious Freddy, while his +mother followed screaming, and his little brother and sister staring +open-mouthed. It was some relief to the doctor's feelings, in the +excitement of the moment, to rush to the window and throw it open, +admitting a gust of chill December air, penetrating enough to search to +the bones of the fireside loiterer. Fred was father enough to turn with +anxiety to the child. But his trembling nervous fingers and bemused eyes +could make nothing of the "case" thus so suddenly brought before him. He +turned fiercely and vacantly upon his wife and demanded why everything +was suffered to go to ruin when Nettie was away. Mrs Fred, screaming and +terrified, began to recriminate. The pallid figure of the child on the +table gave a certain air of squalid tragedy to the scene, to the sordid +miseries of which the night air, coming in with a rush, chilling the +group in their indoor dresses, and flickering the flame of the candles, +added one other point of dismal accumulation. The child had dropped from +his swing on the door, and was stunned with the fall. Both father +and mother thought him dead in the excitement of the moment; but the +accustomed and cooler eyes of the doctor perceived the true state of +affairs. Edward Rider forgot his disgust and rage as he devoted himself +to the little patient--not that he loved the child more, but that the +habits of his profession were strong upon him. When he had succeeded +in restoring the little fellow to consciousness, the doctor threw a +professional glance of inquiry round him to see who could be trusted. +Then, with a contemptuous shrug of his shoulders and impatient +exclamation, turned back to the table. Fred, shivering and helpless, +stood by the fire, uttering confused directions, and rubbing miserably +his own flabby hands; his wife, crying, scolding, and incapable, stood +at the end of the table, offering no assistance, but wondering when +ever Nettie would come back. Dr Rider took the patient in his arms, and, +beckoning Mrs Smith to go before him, carried the child up-stairs. There +the good mistress of the cottage listened to all his directions, and +promised devoutly to obey him--to keep the room quiet, if she could--to +tell everything he had said to Miss Nettie. He did not enter the +desecrated parlour again when he came down-stairs. What was the use? +He was glad to go out and escape the chance of a fraternal struggle. +He went out into the cold night air all thrilling with excitement +and agitation. It was not wonderful that a scene so strange should +rouse many impatient thoughts in the young man's mind; but the most +intolerable of these had the most trifling origin. That Fred should have +smoked his pipe in Nettie's sitting-room, when she was out of the way, +was not, after all, considering Fred's character, a very wonderful +circumstance, but it exasperated his brother to a greater extent than +much more important matters. That aggravation entirely overpowered +Edward Rider's self-control. It seemed the culmination of all the wrong +and silent insolent injury inflicted upon Nettie. He saw the stain of +those ashes on the little mantel-shelf, the rolling cloud of smoke in +the room, and indignation burned yet higher and higher in his breast. + +When the current of his thoughts was suddenly checked and stimulated by +the sound of voices on the road. Voices, one of which was Nettie's, one +the lofty clerical accents of the Rev. Frank Wentworth. The two were +walking arm-in-arm in very confidential colloquy, as the startled and +jealous doctor imagined. What were these two figures doing together upon +the road? why did Nettie lean on the arm of that handsome young clerical +coxcomb? It did not occur to Dr Rider that the night was extremely dark, +and that Nettie had been at Miss Wodehouse's, where the curate of St +Roque's was a perpetual visitor. With a mortified and jealous pang, +totally unreasonable and totally irresistible, Edward Rider, only a moment +before so fantastically extreme in Nettie's defence--in the defence of +Nettie's very "image" from all vulgar contact and desecration--strode +past Nettie now without word or sign of recognition. She did not see +him, as he observed with a throbbing heart; she was talking to young Mr +Wentworth with all the haste and eagerness which Dr Rider had found so +captivating. She never suspected who it was that brushed past her with +breathless, exasperated impatience in the darkness. They went on past +him, talking, laughing lightly, under the veil of night, quite indifferent +as to who heard them, though the doctor did not think of that. He, +unreasonably affronted, galled, and mortified, turned his back upon that +house, which at this present disappointed moment did not contain one +single thing or person which he could dwell on with pleasure; and, a +hundred times more discontented, fatigued, and worn out--full of disgust +with things in general, and himself and his own fate in particular--than +he had been when he set out from the other end of Carlingford, went +sulkily, and at a terrific pace, past the long garden-walls of Grange +Lane, and all Dr Marjoribanks's genteel patients. When he had reached +home, he found a message waiting him from an urgent invalid whose "case" +kept the unhappy doctor up and busy for half the night. Such was the +manner in which Edward Rider got through the evening--the one wonderful +exceptional evening when Nettie went out to tea. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +With the dawn of the morning, however, and the few hours' hurried +rest which Edward Rider was able to snatch after his labours, other +sentiments arose in his mind. It was quite necessary to see how the +unlucky child was at St Roque's Cottage, and perhaps what Nettie thought +of all that had occurred during her absence. The doctor bethought himself, +too, that there might be very natural explanations of the curate's +escort. How else, to be sure, could she have got home on a dark winter +night through that lonely road? Perhaps, if he himself had been less +impatient and ill-tempered, it might have fallen to his lot to supersede +Mr Wentworth. On the whole, Dr Rider decided that it was necessary to +make one of his earliest calls this morning at St Roque's. + +It was a foggy frosty day, brightened with a red sun, which threw wintry +ruddy rays across the mist. Dr Rider drew up somewhat nervously at the +little Gothic porch. He was taken up-stairs to the bedroom where little +Freddy lay moaning and feverish. A distant hum came from the other +children in the parlour, the door of which, however, was fast closed +this morning; and Nettie herself sat by the child's bedside--Nettie, all +alert and vigorous, in the little room, which, homely as its aspect was, +displayed even to the doctor's uninitiated glance a fastidious nicety of +arrangement which made it harmonious with that little figure. Nettie was +singing childish songs to solace the little invalid's retirement--the +"fox that jumped up on a moonlight night," the "frog that would a-wooing +go"--classic ditties of which the nursery never tires. The doctor, who +was not aware that music was one of Nettie's accomplishments, stopped on +the stairs to listen. And indeed she had not a great deal of voice, and +still less science, Nettie's life having been too entirely occupied to +leave much room for such studies. Yet somehow her song touched the +doctor's heart. He forgave her entirely that walk with the curate. He +went in softly, less impatient than usual with her crazy Quixotism. A +child--a sick child especially--was a bearable adjunct to the picture. A +woman could be forgiven for such necessary ministrations--actually, to +tell the truth, could be forgiven most follies she might happen to do, +when one could have her to one's self, without the intervention of such +dreary accessories as Susan and Fred. + +"Thank you very much for your care of this child last night, Dr Edward," +said the prompt Nettie, laying down the large piece of very plain +needlework in her hand. "I always said, though you don't make a fuss +about the children, that you were quite to be relied on if anything +should happen. He is feverish, but he is not ill; and so long as I tell +him stories and keep beside him, Freddy is the best child in the world." + +"More people than Freddy might be willing to be ill under such +conditions," said the doctor, complimentary, but rueful. He felt his +patient's pulse, and prescribed for him with a softened voice. He +lingered and looked round the room, which was very bare, yet somehow +was not like any of the rooms in _his_ house. How was it?--there were no +ornaments about, excepting that tiny little figure with the little head +overladen with such a wealth of beautiful hair. The doctor sighed. In +this little sacred spot, where she was so clearly at her post--or at +least at a post which no other was at hand to take--he could not even +resent Nettie's self-sacrifice. He gave in to her here, with a sigh. +"Since you think he is not ill to speak of, will you drive me and the +other children into Carlingford, Dr Edward?" said the courageous Nettie. +"It will be a pleasure for them, you know, and I shall be able to do my +business without losing so much time; besides, I want to talk to you; I +can see you will in your eyes. Go down, please, and talk to Mr Smith, +who has got a headache or something, and wants to see you. You need not +trouble yourself seeing Susan, who is cross, of course. I don't wonder +at her being cross; it must be very shocking, you know, to feel one's +self of no use, whatever happens. Thank you; I shall be ready in a +minute, as soon as you have done talking to Mr Smith." + +The doctor went down obediently, and in an unusual flutter of pleasure, +to see the master of the cottage--totally indifferent to the ailments +of the virtuous Smith, and thinking only of Nettie and that drive to +Carlingford, where, indeed, he should not have gone, had he considered +the merely abstract matters of business and duty, which led him entirely +in a different direction. He was somewhat rudely recalled to himself +when he went down-stairs. Smith had no headache, but only wanted +to speak to the doctor about his lodgers, whose "ways" were sadly +discomposing to himself and his wife. + +"You saw how it was yourself last night, sir," said the troubled +landlady. "Them hangings--you know the smoke goes through and through +them. After leaving all the windows open this frosty morning, and a +draught enough to give you your death, the place smells like I don't +know what. If it wasn't for Miss I wouldn't put up with it for a day; +and the gentleman's own room, doctor; if you was just to go in and see +it--just put your head in and say good morning--you'd believe me." + +"I know all about it," said the doctor; "but Miss Underwood, Mrs +Smith--?" + +"There's where it is, sir," said the landlady. "I can't find it in my +heart to say a word to Miss. To see how she do manage them all, to be +sure! but for all that, doctor, it stands to reason as one can't spoil +one's lodgings for a family as may be gone to-morrow--not except it's +considered in the rent. It's more natural-like to speak to a gentleman +like you as knows the world, than to a young lady as one hasn't a word +to say against--the handiest, liveliest, managingest! Ah, doctor, she'd +make a deal different a wife from her sister, that young lady would! +though it isn't my part to say nothink, considering all things, and that +you're relations, like; but Smith and me are both o' one mind about it, +Dr Rider--unless it's considered in the rent, or the gentleman drops +smoking, or----" + +"I hear Miss Underwood coming down-stairs," cried young Rider. "Next +time I come we'll arrange it all. But not a word to _her_, remember--not +a syllable; and go up-stairs and look after that poor child, there's a +good soul--she trusts you while she is gone, and so do I. There, there! +another time. I'll take the responsibility of satisfying you, Mrs Smith," +said the doctor, in a prodigious hurry, ready to promise anything in +this incautious moment, and bolting out of their little dark back-room, +which the local architect's mullions had converted into a kind of +condemned cell. Nettie stood at the door, all ready for her expedition +to Carlingford, with her two children, open-eyed and calmly inquisitive, +but no longer noisy. Mrs Fred was standing sulky at the parlour door. +The doctor took off his hat to her as he helped Nettie into the front +seat of the drag, but took care not to approach nearer. The children +were packed in behind, under charge of the little groom, and, with an +exhilarating sensation of lawlessness in the present pleasure, Dr Rider +turned his back upon his duty and the patient who expected him a mile on +the other side of St Roque's, and drove, not too rapidly, into +Carlingford. + +"Mrs Smith was talking to you of us," said Nettie, flashing her +penetrating eyes upon the confused doctor. "I know she was--I could see +it in her face this morning, and in yours when you came out of her room. +Dreadful little dungeon, is it not? I wonder what the man meant, to +build such a place. Do they want to turn us out, Dr Edward, or do they +want more rent? I am not surprised, I am sure, after last night. Was it +not odious of Fred to go and smoke in the parlour, the only place we can +have tidy? But it is no use speaking to him, you know; nor to Susan +either, for that matter. Married people do stand up for each other so +when you say a word, however they may fight between themselves. But is +it more rent they want, Dr Edward? for I can't afford more rent." + +"It is an abominable shame--you oughtn't to afford anything. It is too +dreadful to think of!" cried the angry doctor, involuntarily touching +his horse with his whip in the energy of the moment, though he was +indeed in no hurry to reach Carlingford. + +"Hush," said Nettie, lifting her tiny hand as though to put it to his +incautious mouth, which, indeed, the doctor would not have objected to. +"We shall quarrel on that subject if you say anything more, so it is +better to stop at once. Nobody has a right to interfere with me; this +is my business, and no one else has anything to do with it." + +"You mistake," cried the doctor, startled out of all his prudences; "it +ought to be my business quite as much as it is yours." + +Nettie looked at him with a certain careless scorn of the inferior +creature--"Ah, yes, I daresay; but then you are only a man," said +Nettie; and the girl elevated that pretty drooping head, and flashed a +whole torrent of brilliant reflections over the sombre figure beside +her. He felt himself glow under the sudden radiance of the look. To +fancy this wilful imperious creature a meek self-sacrificing heroine, +was equally absurd and impossible. Was there any virtue at all in that +dauntless enterprise of hers? or was it simple determination to have her +own way? + +"But not to quarrel," said Nettie; "for indeed you are the only person +in the world I can say a word to about the way things are going on," she +added with a certain momentary softening of voice and twinkling of her +eyelid, as if some moisture had gathered there. "I think Fred is in a +bad way. I think he is muddling his brains with that dreadful life he +leads. To think of a man that could do hundreds of things living like +that! A woman, you know, can only do a thing or two here and there. If +it were not wicked to say so, one would think almost that Providence +forgot sometimes, and put the wrong spirit into a body that did not +belong to it. Don't you think so? When I look at Fred I declare sometimes +I could take hold of him and give him a good shake, and ask him what he +means; and then it all seems so useless the very idea of expecting him +to feel anything. I want to know what you said to him last night." + +"Not much--not half so much as I meant to have said. To see him +polluting your room!" cried the doctor, with a flush growing on +his face, and breaking off abruptly, not quite able to conclude the +sentence. Nettie gave him a shy upward glance, and grew suddenly crimson +too. + +"Did you mind?" said Nettie, with a momentary timidity, against the +unexpected charm of which the unhappy doctor fell defenceless; then +holding out her tiny hand to him with shy frankness, "Thank you for +caring so much for me," said the dauntless little girl, resolute not to +perceive anything which could not be fully spoken out. + +"Caring _so_ much! I must speak to you; we can't go on like this, +Nettie," cried the doctor, holding fast the little unfaltering hand. + +"Oh, here is the place I am going to. Please don't; people might not +understand,--though we _are_ brother and sister in a kind of a way," +said the little Australian. "Please, Dr Edward, we must get out here." + +For a moment Edward Rider hesitated with a wild intention of urging his +horse forward and carrying her off anywhere, out of Carlingford, out of +duty and practice and responsibility, and all those galling restraints +of life which the noonday light and everyday sounds about brought in +with so entire a discord to break up this momentary hallucination. For +half a minute only the doctor lingered on the borders of that fairyland +where time and duty are not, but only one ineffable moment always +passing, never past. Then with a long sigh, the breath of which dispersed +a whole gleaming world of visionary delights, he got down doggedly on +the commonplace pavement. Ah, what a descent it was! the moment his foot +touched these vulgar flags, he was once more the hard-worked doctor at +everybody's command, with a fretful patient waiting for him a mile +beyond St Roque's; and all these dazzling moments, which had rapt the +unfortunate young fellow into another world, were so much time lost to +the prose figure that had to help Nettie down and let her go, and betake +himself soberly about his own business. Perhaps Nettie felt it a little +disenchanting too, when she was dropped upon the bare street, and went +into the common shop, and saw the doctor's drag flash off in the red +frosty sunshine with a darting movement of exasperation and impatience +on the part of its aggravated driver. For once in her life Nettie felt +disposed to be impatient with the children, who, unceremoniously ejected +from their perch behind, were not in the most obedient frame of mind. +The two young people possibly agreed in their mutual sentiment of disgust +with other people's society just at that moment. However, there was no +help for it. Dr Rider galloped his horse to his patient's door, and took +it out of that unlucky individual, who was fortunately strong enough to +be able to bear sharp practice. Nettie, when she had made her little +purchases, walked home smartly to sing "The fox jumped up on a moonlight +night" to little Freddy in his bedroom. This kind of interlude, however, +as all young men and maidens ought to be aware, answers much better in +the evening, when a natural interval of dreams interposes between it and +the common work of existence. Nettie decided, thinking on it, that this +would never do. She made up her mind not to have any more drives with +the doctor. There was no telling what such proceedings might lead to. +They were distinctly incompatible with the more serious business of her +life. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + +Such a parting, however, is sadly apt to lead to future meetings. +Notwithstanding his smouldering quarrel with Fred, which was always +ready to burst out afresh, Dr Rider would not give up coming to St +Roque's. He came to some clandestine arrangement with Mrs Smith, of +which nobody ever was aware, and which he himself was rather ashamed of +than otherwise; and he attended Freddy with the most dutiful exactness +till the child was quite restored. But all this time Nettie put on a +coat of armour, and looked so thoroughly unlike herself in her unusual +reserve and propriety, that the doctor was heartily discouraged, and +could go no further. Besides, it would not be positively correct to +assert that--though he would gladly have carried her off in the drag +anywhere, to the end of the world, in the enchantment of the moment--he +was just as ready to propose setting up a new household, with Fred and +his family hanging on to it as natural dependants. That was a step the +doctor was not prepared for. Some people are compelled to take the prose +concerns of life into full consideration even when they are in love, and +Edward Rider was one of these unfortunate individuals. The boldness +which puts everything to the touch to gain or lose was not in this young +man. He had been put to hard encounters enough in his day, and had +learned to trust little to chance or good fortune. He did not possess +the boldness which disarms an adverse fate, nor that confidence in his +own powers which smooths down wounded pride, and accounts even for +failure. He was, perhaps it is only right to say, not very capable of +heroism: but he was capable of seeing the lack of the heroic in his +own composition, and of feeling bitterly his own self-reproaches, and +the remarks of the world, which is always so ready to taunt the very +cowardice it creates. After that moment in which he could have dared +anything for her and with her, it is sad to be obliged to admit that +perhaps Dr Edward too, like Nettie, withdrew a little from that climax +of feeling. Not that his heart grew colder or his sentiments changed; +but only that, in sight of the inevitable result, the poor young fellow +paused and pondered, obeying the necessity of his nature. People who +jump at conclusions, if they have to bear the consequences of folly +often enough, are at least spared those preliminary heartaches. Dr +Rider, eager as love and youth could make him, was yet incapable of +shutting his eyes to the precipice at his feet. That he despised himself +for doing so, did not make the matter easier. These were the limits of +his nature, and beyond them he could not pass. + +Accordingly matters went on in this dangerous fashion for many weeks +longer. The fire smouldered, strengthening its pent-up flames. Day by +day malicious sprites of thought went out behind Dr Rider in his drag, +leading him into the wildest calculations, the most painful complication +of schemes. If Fred and his family could only be persuaded to return to +Australia, his brother thought--if any bribe within Edward's means could +tempt the ruined man to such a step; and when he was there, why there +was Providence to take care of the helpless unlovely household, and +necessity might compel the wretched father to work for his children. +Such were the vain projects that revolved and fermented through the +doctor's agitated brain as he went among his patients. Luckily he +had a very favourable and well-disposed lot of sick people at that +crisis--they all got well in spite of the doctor, and gave their own +special cases and his anxiety all the credit for his grave looks; and +all these half-finished streets and rough new roads in the east end of +Carlingford were sown thick with the bootless suggestions of Dr Rider's +love and fears. The crop did not show upon the vulgar soil, but gave +lurking associations to every half-built street corner which he passed +in his rounds many a day after, and served at this present momentous era +to confuse doubly the chaos of his thoughts. + +At last one night the crisis came. Spring had begun to show faintly in +the lengthening days--spring, that so often belies itself, and comes +with a serpent's tooth. Dr Rider on that particular day had met Dr +Marjoribanks at some meeting convened in the interests of Carlingford. +The old physician had been very gracious and cordial to the young +one--had spoken of his own declining health, of his possible retirement, +of the excellent prospects which a rising young man in their profession +had in Carlingford; and, finally, had asked Dr Rider to go with him next +day to see an interesting patient, and advise as to the treatment of the +case. + +The young doctor was more pleased than he could or would have told any +one; and, with a natural impulse, seized the earliest moment to direct +his steps towards St Roque's. + +It was twilight when Dr Edward went down the long and rather tiresome +line of Grange Lane. These garden-walls, so delicious in their bowery +retirements within, were not interesting outside to the pedestrian. But +the doctor's attention was so speedily riveted on two figures eagerly +talking near Mr Wodehouse's garden-door, that the long sweep of wall +seemed but a single step to him as he hurried along. Those two figures +were unquestionably Nettie for one, and Mr Wentworth for another. +Handsome young coxcomb, with all his Puseyitical pretences! Was Lucy +Wodehouse not enough for him, that he must have Nettie too? Dr Rider +hurried forward to interrupt that meeting. He was actually turning with +her, walking slowly back again the very way he had just come! Edward's +blood boiled in his impatient veins. He swept along in a whirlwind of +sudden wrath. When he came up to them Nettie was talking low, and the +curate's lofty head was bent to hear her in a manner which, it is +probable, Lucy Wodehouse would no more have admired than Edward Rider. +They came to a sudden pause when he joined them, in that particular +conversation. The doctor's dread civility did not improve matters. Without +asking himself what cause he had, this amiable young man plunged into +the wildest jealousy without pause or interval. He bestowed upon Nettie +the most cutting looks, the most overwhelming politeness. When the three +had marched solemnly abreast down the road for some few minutes, the +curate, perhaps with an intuition of fellow-feeling, perceiving how the +matter was, stopped short and said good-bye. "I will make inquiries, and +let you know next time I pass the cottage," said Mr Wentworth; and he +and the doctor took off their hats, not without deadly thoughts on one +side at least. When the young clergyman left them, Nettie and her sulky +cavalier went on in silence. That intrepid little woman was not in her +usual spirits, it appeared. She had no talk for Dr Edward any more than +he had for her. She carried a multiplicity of little parcels in her +hands, and walked with a certain air of fatigue. The doctor walked on, +stealing silent looks at her, till his heart melted. But the melting of +his heart displayed itself characteristically. He would not come down +from his elevation without suffering her to see how angry he was. + +"I fear I interrupted an interesting conversation--I that have so little +hope of equalling Mr Wentworth. Priests are always infallible with women," +said the doctor, betraying his ill-temper in vulgar sneers. + +"I was asking him for some one to teach the boys," said Nettie. "Johnnie +ought to have his education attended to now. Mr Wentworth is very +good-tempered, Dr Edward. Though he was just going to knock at Miss +Wodehouse's door when I met him, he offered, and would have done it if +you had not come up, to walk home with me. Not that I wanted anybody to +walk home with me; but it was very kind," said Nettie, with rising +spirit. + +"I am afraid I am a very poor substitute for Mr Wentworth," said the +jealous doctor, "and I don't pretend to be kind. But I am surprised to +find Miss Underwood walking so late. This is not a road for a lady by +herself." + +"You know I don't mind in the least for the road," said Nettie, with a +little indignation. "How wonderfully cross you are sometimes! If you are +going as far as the Cottage," she added, with a little sigh of fatigue, +"will you please carry some of these things for me! I could not get out +sooner, I have been so busy to-day. It is wonderful how much needlework +it takes to keep three children going, and how many little jobs there +are to do. If you take this parcel, carry it carefully, please: it is +something for my bonnet. There! Don't be absurd. I am quite able to walk +by myself, thank you--I'd rather, please!" + +This remonstrance was called forth by the fact that the relenting +doctor, much moved by having the parcels confided to his care, had drawn +the little hand which gave them within his arm, a proceeding which +Nettie distinctly disapproved of. She withdrew her hand quickly, and +walked on with much dignity by his side. + +"I can carry your parcels," said Edward, after a little pause, "but you +will not let me help yourself. You take the heaviest burdens upon your +shoulders, and then will have no assistance in bearing them. How long +are these children of Fred's--detestable little imps!--to work you to +death?" + +"You are speaking of _my_ children, sir!" cried Nettie, with a little +blaze of resentment. "But you don't mean it, Dr Edward," she said, a +moment after, in a slightly coaxing tone. "You are tired and cross after +your day's work. Perhaps it will be best, if you are very cross, not to +come down all the way to the Cottage, thank you. I don't want you to +quarrel with Fred." + +"Cross! Nettie, you are enough to drive twenty men distracted!" cried +the poor doctor. "You know as well as I do what I have been dying to +say to you these three months past; and to see you go on with these +confounded children without so much as a glance for a fellow who----" + +"Don't speak like that," cried Nettie, with brilliant female instinct; +"you'll be sorry for it after; for you know, Dr Edward, you have _not_ +said anything particular to me these three months past." + +This touch gave the last exasperation to the agitated mind of the +doctor. He burst forth into a passionate outbreak of love and anger, +curiously mingled, but too warm and real to leave Nettie much coolness +of observation under the circumstances. She took the advantage over +him which a woman naturally does in such a case. She went on softly, +trembling sufficiently to her own consciousness, but not to his, +suffering him to pour out that torrent without interruption. She made +no answer till the whole agitated self-disclosure was complete. In the +interval she got a little command of herself, and was able to speak when +it came to her turn. + +"Dr Edward," said Nettie, solemnly, "you know it is impossible. If we +cared for each other ever so much, what could we do? I am not free +to--to make any change; and I know very well, and so do you, that you +never could put up with Fred and Susan and the children, were things as +you say ten times over. I don't mean I don't believe you. I don't mean I +might not have been pleased had things been different. But you know it +is just plainly impossible. You know your own temper and your own +spirit--and perhaps you know mine as well. No, no--we cannot manage it +anyhow, Dr Edward," said Nettie, with a little sigh. + +"Is this all you have to say to me?" cried the astonished lover. + +"I am sure I do not know what else to say," said Nettie, with +matter-of-fact distinctness. "I don't need to enter into all the +business again, and tell you how things stand; you know as well as I +do. One may be sorry, but one must do what one has to do all the same." + +A painful pause followed. Nettie, with all her feminine acuteness, could +not divine that this calm way of treating a business which had wrought +her companion into such a pitch of passion, was the most humiliating +and mortifying possible to a man in whose bosom love and pride were so +combined. He tried to speak more than once, but could not. Nettie said +nothing more--she was uneasy, but secure in the necessity of her own +position. What else could she do or say? + +"Then, I presume, this is my answer," said the doctor, at last, gulping +an amount of shame and anger which Nettie could not conceive of, and +which the darkness concealed from her sight. + +"Oh, Dr Edward, what can I say?" cried the girl; "you know it all as +well as I do. I cannot change it with a word. I am very, very sorry," +said Nettie, faltering and startled, waking to a sudden perception of +the case all at once, by reason of catching a sudden gleam of his eyes. +They came to a dead stop opposite each other, she half frightened and +confused, he desperate with love and rage and mortification. By this +time they had almost reached the cottage door. + +"Don't take the trouble to be sorry. I'll--oh, I'll get over it!" cried +the doctor, with a sneer at himself and his passion, which came out of +the bitterness of his heart. Then, after a pause--"Nettie!" cried the +young man--"Nettie! do you see what you are doing?--do you choose Fred +and those wretched imps instead of your own life and mine? You are not +so indifferent as you think you are. We shall never get over it, neither +you nor me. Nettie, once for all, is this all you have to say?" + +"If I were to say all the words in the language," said Nettie, after a +pause, with a breathless indistinctness and haste, "words will not change +_things_ if we should break our hearts." + +The open door, with the light shining out from it, shone upon them at +that moment, and Mrs Smith waiting to let the young lady in. Neither of +the two dared face that sudden gleam. The doctor laid down his parcels +on the step, muttered something, which she could not distinguish, into +Nettie's agitated ear, and vanished back again into the darkness. Only +now was Nettie awaking to the sense of what had happened, and its real +importance. Perhaps another minute, another word, might have made a +difference--that other word and minute that are always wanting. She +gazed out after him blankly, scarcely able to persuade herself that +it was all over, and then went in with a kind of stupefied, stunned +sensation, not to be described. Edward Rider heard the door shut in the +calm silence, and swore fierce oaths in his heart over her composure and +cold-heartedness. As usual, it was the woman who had to face the light +and observation, and to veil her trouble. The man rushed back into the +darkness, smarting with wounds which fell as severely upon his pride as +upon his heart. Nettie went in, suddenly conscious that the world was +changed, and that she had entered upon another life. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + +Another life and a changed world! What small matters sometimes bring +about that sudden disenchantment! Two or three words exchanged without +much thought--one figure disappearing out of the landscape--and, lo! all +the prismatic colours have faded from the horizon, and blank daylight +glares upon startled eyes! Nettie had not, up to this time, entertained +a suspicion of how distinct a place the doctor held in her limited +firmament--she was totally unaware how much exhilaration and support +there was in his troubled, exasperated, impatient admiration. Now, all +at once, she found it out. It was the same life, yet it was different. +Her occupations were unchanged, her surroundings just what they used to +be. She had still to tolerate Fred, to manage Susan, to superintend with +steady economy all the expenditure of the strange little household. +The very rooms and aspect of everything was the same; yet had she been +suddenly transported back again to the Antipodes, life could not have +been more completely changed to Nettie. She recognised it at once with +some surprise, but without any struggle. The fact was too clearly apparent +to leave her in any doubt. Nobody but herself had the slightest insight +into the great event which had happened--nobody could know of it, or +offer Nettie any sympathy in that unforeseen personal trial. In her +youth and buoyant freshness, half contemptuous of the outside troubles +which were no match for her indomitable heart, Nettie had been fighting +against hard external circumstances for a great part of her valorous +little life, and had not hesitated to take upon herself the heaviest +burdens of outside existence. Such struggles are not hard when one's +heart is light and sound. With a certain splendid youthful scorn of all +these labours and drudgeries, Nettie had gone on her triumphant way, +wearing her bonds as if they were ornaments. Suddenly, without any +premonition, the heart had died out of her existence. A personal blow, +striking with subtle force into that unseen centre of courage and hope, +had suddenly disabled Nettie. She said not a word on the subject to any +living creature--if she shed any tears over it, they were dropped in +the darkness, and left no witness behind; but she silently recognised +and understood what had happened to her. It was not that she had lost +her lover--it was not that the romance of youth had glimmered and +disappeared from before her eyes. It was not that she had ever entered, +even in thought, as Edward Rider had done, into that life, glorified out +of common existence, which the two could have lived together. Such was +not the form which this extraordinary loss took to Nettie. It was her +personal happiness, wonderful wine of life, which had suddenly failed to +the brave little girl. Ah, the difference it made! Labours, disgusts, +endurances of all kinds: what cannot one undertake so long as one has +that cordial at one's heart? When the endurance and the labour remain, +and the cordial is gone, it is a changed world into which the surprised +soul enters. This was what had happened to Nettie. Nobody suspected the +sudden change which had passed upon everything. The only individual in +the world who could have divined it, had persuaded himself in a flush of +anger and mortification that she did not care. He consoled himself by +elaborate avoidance of that road which led past St Roque's--by bows of +elaborate politeness when he encountered her anywhere in the streets of +Carlingford--by taking a sudden plunge into such society as was open +to him in the town, and devoting himself to Miss Marjoribanks, the old +physician's daughter. Nettie was not moved by these demonstrations, +which showed her sway still undiminished over the doctor's angry and +jealous heart. She did not regard the petulant shows of pretended +indifference by which a more experienced young woman might have consoled +herself. She had enough to do, now that the unsuspected stimulus of her +life was withdrawn for the moment, to go on steadily without making any +outward show of it. She had come to the first real trial of her strength +and worthiness. And Nettie did not know what a piece of heroism she was +enacting, nor that the hardest lesson of youthful life--how to go on +stoutly without the happiness which that absolute essence of existence +demands and will not be refused--was being taught her now. She only knew +it was dull work just for the moment--a tedious sort of routine, which +one was glad to think could not last for ever; and so went on, the +steadfast little soul, no one being any the wiser, upon that +suddenly-clouded, laborious way. + +It is sad to be obliged to confess that Dr Rider's conduct was nothing +like so heroical. He, injured and indignant and angry, thought first of +all of revenging himself upon Nettie--of proving to her that he would +get over it, and that there were women in the world more reasonable +than herself. Dr Marjoribanks, who had already made those advances to +the doctor which that poor young fellow had gone to carry the news of, +not without elation of heart, on that memorable night, to St Roque's, +asked Edward to dinner a few days after; and Miss Marjoribanks made +herself very agreeable, with just that degree of delicate regard and +evident pleasure in his society which is so soothing when one has met +with a recent discomfiture. Miss Marjoribanks, it is true, was over +thirty, and by no means a Titania. Edward Rider, who had retired from +the field in Bessie Christian's case, and whom Nettie had rejected, +asked himself savagely why he should not make an advantageous marriage +now, when the chance offered. Old Marjoribanks's practice and savings, +with a not unagreeable, rather clever, middle-aged wife--why should +he not take it into consideration? The young doctor thought of that +possibility with a certain thrill of cruel pleasure. He said to himself +that he would make his fortune, and be revenged on Nettie. Whenever +there was a chance of Nettie hearing of it, he paid the most devoted +attentions to Miss Marjoribanks. Ready gossips took it up and made the +matter public. Everybody agreed it would be an admirable arrangement. +"The most sensible thing I've heard of for years--step into the old +fellow's practice, and set himself up for life--eh, don't you think +so?--that's my opinion," said Mr Wodehouse. Mr Wodehouse's daughters +talked over the matter, and settled exactly between themselves what was +Miss Marjoribanks's age, and how much older she was than her supposed +suitor--a question always interesting to the female mind. And it was +natural that in these circumstances Nettie should come to hear of it +all in its full details, with the various comments naturally suggesting +themselves thereupon. What Nettie's opinion was, however, nobody could +ever gather; perhaps she thought Dr Edward was justified in putting an +immediate barrier between himself and her. At all events, she was +perfectly clear upon the point that it could not have been otherwise, +and that no other decision was possible to herself. + +The spring lagged on, accordingly, under these circumstances. Those +commonplace unalterable days, varied in nothing but the natural +fluctuations of making and mending,--those evenings with Fred sulky by +the fire--always sulky, because deprived by Nettie's presence of his +usual indulgences; or if not so, then enjoying himself after his dismal +fashion in his own room, with most likely Susan bearing him company, and +the little maiden head of the house left all by herself in the solitary +parlour,--passed on one by one, each more tedious than the other. It +seemed impossible that such heavy hours could last, and prolong themselves +into infinitude, as they did; but still one succeeded another in endless +hard procession. And Nettie shed back her silky load of hair, and pressed +her tiny fingers on her eyes, and went on again, always dauntless. She +said to herself, with homely philosophy, that this could not last very +long; not with any tragical meaning, but with a recognition of the +ordinary laws of nature which young ladies under the pressure of a first +disappointment are not apt to recur to. She tried, indeed, to calculate +in herself, with forlorn heroism, how long it might be expected to last, +and, though she could not fix the period, endeavoured to content herself +with the thought that things must eventually fall into their natural +condition. In the mean time it was slow and tedious work enough--but +they did pass one after another, these inevitable days. + +One night Nettie was sitting by herself in the parlour busy over her +needlework. Fred and his wife, she thought, were up-stairs. They had +left her early in the evening,--Susan to lie down, being tired--Fred to +his ordinary amusements. It was a matter of course, and cost Nettie no +special thought. After the children went to bed, she sat all by herself, +with her thread and scissors on the table, working on steadily and quietly +at the little garment she was making. Her needle flew swift and nimbly; +the sleeve of her dress rustled as she moved her arm; her soft breath went +and came: but for that regular monotonous movement, and those faint steady +sounds of life, it might have been a picture of domestic tranquillity and +quiet, and not a living woman with aches in her heart. It did not matter +what she was thinking. She was facing life and fortune--indomitable, +not to be discouraged. In the silence of the house she sat late over +her needlework, anxious to have some special task finished. She heard +the mistress of the cottage locking up, but took no notice of that +performance, and went on at her work, forgetting time. It got to be +very silent in the house and without; not a sound in the rooms where +everybody was asleep; not a sound outside, except an occasional rustle +of the night wind through the bare willow-branches--deep night and not +a creature awake but herself, sitting in the heart of that intense and +throbbing silence. Somehow there was a kind of pleasure to Nettie in the +isolation which was so impossible to her at other hours. She sat rapt in +that laborious quiet as if her busy fingers were under some spell. + +When suddenly she heard a startled motion up-stairs, as if some one +had got up hastily; then a rustling about the room overhead, which was +Susan's room. After a while, during which Nettie, restored by the sound +to all her growing cares, rose instantly to consideration of the question, +What had happened now? the door above was stealthily opened, and a +footstep came softly down the stair. Nettie put down her work and +listened breathlessly. Presently Susan's head peeped in at the parlour +door. After all, then, it was only some restlessness of Susan's. Nettie +took up her work, impatient, perhaps almost disappointed, with the dead +calm in which nothing ever happened. Susan came in stealthy, pale, +trembling with cold and fright. She came forward to the table in her +white night-dress like a faded ghost. "Fred has never come in," said +Susan, in a shivering whisper; "is it very late? He promised he would +only be gone an hour. Where _can_ he have gone? Nettie, Nettie, don't +sit so quiet and stare at me. I fell asleep, or I should have found it +out sooner; all the house is locked up, and he has never come in." + +"If he comes we can unlock the house," said Nettie. "When did he go out, +and why didn't you tell me? Of course I should have let Mrs Smith know, +not to frighten her; but I told Fred pretty plainly last time that we +could not do with such hours. It will make him ill if he does not mind. +Go to bed, and I'll let him in." + +"Go to bed! it is very easy for you to say so; don't you know it's the +middle of the night, and as dark as pitch, and my husband out all by +himself?" cried Susan. "Oh, Fred, Fred! after all the promises you made, +to use me like this again! Do you think I can go up-stairs and lie +shivering in the dark, and imagining all sorts of dreadful things +happening to him? I shall stay here with you till he comes in." + +Nettie entered into no controversy. She got up quietly and fetched a +shawl and put it round her shivering sister; then sat down again and +took up her needlework. But Susan's excited nerves could not bear the +sight of that occupation. The rustle of Nettie's softly-moving hand +distracted her. "It sounds always like Fred's step on the way," said the +fretful anxious woman. "Oh, Nettie, Nettie! do open the end window and +look out; perhaps he is looking for the light in the windows to guide +him straight! It is so dark! Open the shutters, Nettie, and, oh, do look +out and see! Where do you suppose he can have gone to? I feel such a +pang at my heart, I believe I shall die." + +"Oh, no, you will not die," said Nettie. "Take a book and read, or do +something. We know what is about the worst that will happen to Fred. He +will come home _like that_ you know, as he did before. We can't mend it, +but we need not break our hearts over it. Lie down on the sofa, and put +up your feet and wrap the shawl round you if you won't go to bed. I can +fancy all very well how it will be. It is nothing new, Susan, that you +should break your heart." + +"It's you that have no feeling. Oh, Nettie, how hard you are! I don't +believe you know what it is to love anybody," said Susan. "Hark! is that +some one coming now?" + +They thought some one was coming fifty times in the course of that +dreadful lingering night. Nobody came; the silence closed in deeper +and deeper around the two silent women. All the world--everything round +about them, to the veriest atom--seemed asleep. The cricket had stopped +his chirrup in the kitchen, and no mouse stirred in the slumbering +house. By times Susan dozed on the sofa, shivering, notwithstanding her +shawl, and Nettie took up her needlework for the moment to distract +her thoughts. When Susan started from these snatches of slumber, she +importuned her sister with ceaseless questions and entreaties. Where had +he gone?--where did Nettie imagine he could have gone?--and oh! would +she go to the window and look out to see if any one was coming, or put +the candle to the window to guide him, if perhaps he might have lost the +way? At last the terrible pale dawn came in and took the light out of +Nettie's candle. The two looked at each other, and acknowledged with a +mutual start that the night was over. They had watched these long hours +through with sentiments very different; now a certain thrill of sympathy +drew Nettie nearer to her sister. It was daylight again, remorseless +and uncompromising, and where was Fred, who loved the darkness? He had +little money and less credit in the limited place where himself and his +story were known. What could have become of him? Nettie acknowledged +that there was ground for anxiety. She folded up her work and put out +her candle, and promptly took into consideration what she could do. + +"If you will go to bed, Susan, I shall go out and look for him," said +Nettie. "He might have stumbled in the field and fallen asleep. Men have +done such things before now, and been none the worse for it. If you will +go and lie down, I'll see after it, Susan. Now it's daylight, you know, +no great harm can happen to him. Come and lie down, and leave me to look +for Fred." + +"But you don't know where to go, and he won't like to have you going +after him. Nettie, send to Edward," said Susan; "he ought to come and +look after his brother: he ought to have done it all through, and not to +have left us to manage everything; and he hasn't even been to see us for +ever so long. But send to Edward, Nettie--it's his business. For Fred +won't like to have you going after him, and you don't know where to go." + +"Fred must have me going after him whether he likes it or no," said +Nettie, sharply, "and I shall not send to Dr Edward. You choose to +insult him whenever you can, and then you think it is his business to +look after his brother. Go to bed, and leave it to me. I can't leave you +shivering here, to catch something, and be ill, and laid up for weeks. I +want to get my bonnet on, and to see you in bed. Make haste, and come +up-stairs with me." + +Susan obeyed with some mutterings of inarticulate discontent. The +daylight, after the first shock of finding that the night was really +over, brought some comfort to her foolish heart. She thought that as +Nettie said "no more harm" could come to him, he must be sleeping +somewhere, the foolish fellow. She thought most likely Nettie was right, +and that she had best go to bed to consume the weary time till there +could be something heard of him; and Nettie, of course, would find it +all out. + +Such was the arrangement accordingly. Susan covered herself up warm, and +lay thinking all she should say to him when he came home, and how she +certainly never would again let him go out and keep it secret from +Nettie. Nettie, for her part, bathed her hot eyes, put on her bonnet, +and went out, quietly undoing all the bolts and bars, into the chill +morning world, where nobody was yet awake. She was a little uncertain +which way to turn, but noway uncertain of her business. Whether he had +gone into the town, or towards the low quarter by the banks of the +canal, she felt it difficult to conclude. But remembering her own +suggestion that he might have stumbled in the field, and fallen asleep +there, she took her way across the misty grass. It was still spring, and +a little hoar-frost crisped the wintry sod. Everything lay forlorn and +chill under the leaden morning skies--not even an early market-cart +disturbed the echoes. When the cock crew somewhere, it startled Nettie. +She went like a spectre across the misty fields, looking down into the +ditches and all the inequalities of the way. On the other side lay the +canal, not visible, except by the line of road that wound beside it, +from the dead flat around. She bent her steps in that direction, +thinking of a certain mean little tavern which, somehow, when she saw +it, she had associated with Fred--a place where the men at the door +looked slovenly and heated, like Fred himself, and lounged with their +hands in their pockets at noon of working-days. Some instinct guided +Nettie there. + +But she had no need to go so far. Before she reached that place +the first sounds of life that she had yet heard attracted Nettie's +attention. They came from a boat which lay in the canal, in which the +bargemen seemed preparing to start on their day's journey. Some men were +leisurely leading forward the horses to the towing-path, while two in +the boat were preparing for their start inside. All at once a strange +cry rang into the still, chill air--such a cry as startles all who can +hear it. The men with the horses hurried forward to the edge of the +canal, the bargemen hung over the side of their boat; visible excitement +rose among them about something there. Nettie, never afraid, was less +timid than ever this morning. Without thinking of the risk of trusting +herself with these rude fellows alone, she went straight forward into +the midst of them with a curiosity for which she could scarcely account; +not anxiety, only a certain wonder and impatience, possessed her to see +what they had here. + +What had they there?--not a man--a dreadful drowned image, all soiled +and swollen--a squalid tragic form, immovable, never to move more. Nettie +did not need to look at the dread, uncovered, upturned face. The moment +she saw the vague shape of it rising against the side of the boat, a +heap of dead limbs, recognisable only as something human, the terrible +truth flashed upon Nettie. She had found not him, but It. She saw nothing +more for one awful moment--heaven and earth reeling and circling around +her, and a horror of darkness on her eyes. Then the cold light opened up +again--the group of living creatures against the colourless skies, the +dead creature staring and ghastly, with awful dead eyes gazing blank +into the shuddering day. The girl steadied herself as she could on the +brink of the sluggish current, and collected her thoughts. The conclusion +to her search, and answer to all her questions, lay, not to be doubted +or questioned, before her. She dared not yield to her own horror, or +grief, or dismay. Susan sleeping, unsuspicious, in full trust of his +return--the slumbering house into which this dreadful figure must be +carried--obliterated all personal impressions from Nettie's mind. She +explained to the amazed group who and what the dead man was--where he +must be brought to--instantly, silently, before the world was awake. She +watched them lay the heavy form upon a board, and took off her own shawl +to lay over it, to conceal it from the face of day. Then she went on +before them, with her tiny figure in its girlish dress, like a child in +the shadow of the rough but pitying group that followed. Nettie did not +know why the wind went so chill to her heart after she had taken off her +shawl. She did not see the unequal sod under her feet as she went back +upon that dread and solemn road. Nothing in the world but what she had +to do occupied the throbbing heroic heart. There was nobody else to do +it. How could the girl help but execute the work put into her hand? +Thinking neither of the hardship nor the horror of such dread work +falling to her lot, but only this, that she must do it, Nettie took home +to the unconscious sleeping cottage that thing which was Fred Rider; no +heavier on his bearers' hands to-day than he had been already for years +of his wasted life. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + + +When Nettie opened the door of the sleeping house with the great key she +had carried with her in her early dreadful expedition, there was still +nobody stirring in the unconscious cottage. She paused at the door, with +the four men behind her carrying shoulder-high that terrible motionless +burden. Where was she to lay it? In her own room, where she had not slept +that night, little Freddy was still sleeping. In another was the widow, +overcome by watching and fretful anxiety. The other fatherless creatures +lay in the little dressing-room. Nowhere but in the parlour, from which +Fred not so very long ago had driven his disgusted brother--the only +place she had where Nettie's own feminine niceties could find expression, +and where the accessories of her own daily life and work were all +accumulated. She lingered even at that dread moment with a pang of +natural reluctance to associate that little sanctuary with the horror +and misery of this bringing-home; but when every feeling gave way to the +pressure of necessity, that superficial one was not like to resist it. +Her companions were not aware that she had hesitated even for that +moment. She seemed to them to glide softly, steadfastly, without any +faltering, before them into the little silent womanly room, where her +night's work was folded tidily upon the table, and her tiny thimble and +scissors laid beside it. What a heart-rending contrast lay between those +domestic traces and that dreadful muffled figure, covered from the light +of day with Nettie's shawl, which was now laid down there, Nettie did +not pause to think of. She stood still for a moment, gazing at it with +a sob of excitement and agitation swelling into her throat; scarcely +grief--perhaps that was not possible--but the intensest remorseful +pity over the lost life. The rude fellows beside her stood silent, not +without a certain pang of tenderness and sympathy in their half-savage +hearts. She took her little purse out and emptied it of its few silver +coins among them. They trod softly, but their heavy footsteps were +heard, notwithstanding, through all the little house. Nettie could +already hear the alarmed stirring up-stairs of the master and mistress +of the cottage; and, knowing what explanations she must give, and +all the dreadful business before her, made haste to get her strange +companions away before Mrs Smith came down-stairs. One of them, however, +as he followed his comrades out of the room, from some confused instinct +of help and pity, asked whether he should not fetch a doctor? The question +struck the resolute little girl with a pang sharper than this morning's +horror had yet given her. Had she perhaps neglected the first duty of +all, the possibility of restoration? She went back, without answering +him, to lift the shawl from that dreadful face, and satisfy herself +whether she had done, that last irremediable wrong to Fred. As she met +the dreadful stare of those dead eyes, all the revulsion of feeling +which comes to the hearts of the living in presence of the dead +overpowered Nettie. She gave a little cry of inarticulate momentary +anguish. The soul of that confused and tremulous outcry was Pardon! +pardon! What love was ever so true, what tenderness so constant and +unfailing, that did not instinctively utter that cry when the watched +life had ended, and pardon could no longer come from those sealed lips? +Nettie had not loved that shamed and ruined man--she had done him the +offices of affection, and endured and sometimes scorned him. She stood +remorseful by his side in that first dread hour, which had changed +Fred's shabby presence into something awful; and her generous soul +burst forth in that cry of penitence which every human creature owes +its brother. The tender-hearted bargeman who had asked leave to +fetch a doctor, drew near her with a kindred instinct--"Don't take on, +miss--there's the crowner yet--and a deal to look to," said the kind +rough fellow, who knew Nettie. The words recalled her to herself--but +with the softened feelings of the moment a certain longing for somebody +to stand by her in this unlooked-for extremity came over the forlorn +courageous creature, who never yet, amid all her labours, had encountered +an emergency like this. She laid the shawl reverently back over that +dead face, and sent a message to the doctor with lips that trembled in +spite of herself. "Tell him what has happened, and say he is to come as +soon as he can," said Nettie; "for I do not understand all that has to +be done. Tell him I sent you; and now go--please go before they all come +down-stairs." + +But when Nettie turned in again, after closing the door, into that house +so entirely changed in character by the solemn inmate who had entered +it, she was confronted by the amazed and troubled apparition of Mrs +Smith, half-dressed, and full of wonder and indignation. A gasping +exclamation of "Miss!" was all that good woman could utter. She had with +her own eyes perceived some of the "roughs" of Carlingford emerging from +her respectable door under Nettie's grave supervision, and yet could not +in her heart, notwithstanding appearances, think any harm of Nettie; +while, at the same time, a hundred alarms for the safety of her household +gods shook her soul. Nettie turned towards her steadily, with her face +pallid and her brilliant eyes heavy. "Hush," she said; "Susan knows +nothing yet. Let her have her rest while she can. We have been watching +for him all night, and poor Susan is sleeping, and does not know." + +"Know what?--what has happened?--he's been and killed himself? Oh, miss, +don't you go for to say so!" cried Mrs Smith, in natural dismay and +terror. + +"No," cried Nettie, with a long sigh that relieved her breast, "not so +bad as that, thank Heaven; but hush, hush! I cannot go and tell Susan +just yet--not just yet. Oh, give me a moment to get breath! For he is +dead! I tell you, _hush_!" cried Nettie, seizing the woman's hand, and +wringing it, in the extremity of her terror for alarming Susan. "Don't +you understand me? She is a widow, and she does not know--her husband +is dead, and she does not know. Have you no pity for her in your own +heart?" + +"Lord ha' mercy! but wait till I call Smith," cried the alarmed +landlady, shrinking, yet eager to know the horribly interesting details +of that tragedy. She ran breathless up-stairs on that errand, while +Nettie went back to the door of the parlour, resolutely locked it, and +took away the key. "Nobody shall go gazing and talking over him, and +making a wonder of poor Fred," said Nettie to herself, shaking off from +her long eyelashes the tear which came out of the compunction of her +heart. "Poor Fred!" She sat down on one of the chairs of the little hall +beside that closed door. The children and their mother up-stairs still +slept unsuspicious; and their young guardian, with a world of thoughts +rising in her mind, sat still and pondered. The past was suddenly cut +off from the future by this dreadful unthought-of event. She had come to +a dead pause in that life, which to every spectator was so strangely out +of accordance with her youth, but which was to herself such simple and +plain necessity as to permit no questioning. She was brought suddenly +to a standstill at this terrible moment, and sat turning her dauntless +little face to the new trial before her, pale, but undismayed. Nettie +did not deceive herself even in her thoughts. She saw, with the intuitive +foresight of a keen observer, her sister's violent momentary grief, her +indolent acceptance of the position after a while, the selfish reserve +of repining and discontent which Susan would establish in the memory of +poor Fred: she saw how, with fuller certainty than ever, because now +more naturally, she herself, her mind, her laborious hands, her little +fortune, would belong to the fatherless family. She did not sigh over +the prospect, or falter; but she exercised no self-delusion on the +subject. There was nobody but she to do it--nobody but she, in her tender +maidenhood, to manage all the vulgar tragical business which must, this +very day, confirm to the knowledge of the little surrounding world the +event which had happened--nobody but herself to tell the tale to the +widow, to bear all the burdens of the time. Nettie did not think over +these particulars with self-pity, or wonder over her hard lot. She did +not imagine herself to have chosen this lot at all. There was nobody +else to do it--that was the simple secret of her strength. + +But this interval of forlorn repose was a very brief one. Smith came +down putting on his coat, and looking scared and bewildered; his wife, +eager, curious, and excited, closely following. Nettie rose when they +approached her to forestall their questions. + +"My brother-in-law is dead," she said. "He fell into the canal last +night and was drowned. I went out to look for him, and--and found him, +poor fellow! Oh, don't cry out or make a noise: remember Susan does not +know! Now, dear Mrs Smith, I know you are kind--I know you will not vex +me just at this moment. I have had him laid _there_ till his brother +comes. Oh, don't say it's dreadful! Do you think I cannot see how dreadful +it is? but we must not think about that, only what has to be done. When +Dr Edward comes, I will wake my sister; but just for this moment, oh +have patience! I had no place to put him except _there_." + +"But, Lord bless us, he mightn't be clean gone: he might be recovered, +poor gentleman! Smith can run for Dr Marjoribanks; he is nearer nor Dr +Rider," cried the curious excited landlady, with her hand upon the +locked door. + +Nettie made no answer. She took them into the room in solemn silence, +and showed them the stark and ghastly figure, for which all possibilities +had been over in the dark midnight waters hours ago. The earliest gleam +of sunshine came shining in at that moment through the window which last +night Nettie had opened that Fred might see the light in it and be guided +home. It seemed to strike like a reproach upon that quick-throbbing +impatient heart, which felt as a sin against the dead its own lack of +natural grief and affection. She went hurriedly to draw down the blinds +and close out the unwelcome light. "Now he is gone, nobody shall slight +or scorn him," said Nettie to herself, with hot tears; and she turned +the wondering dismayed couple--already awakening out of their first +horror, to think of the injury done to their house and "lodgings," and +all the notoriety of an inquest--out of the room, and locked the door +upon the unwilling owners, whom nothing but her resolute face prevented +from bursting forth in selfish but natural lamentations over their own +secondary share in so disastrous an event. Nettie sat down again, a +silent little sentinel by the closed door, without her shawl, and with +her tiny chilled feet on the cold tiles. Nettie sat silent, too much +occupied even to ascertain the causes of her personal discomfort. She +had indeed enough to think of; and while her little girlish figure, +so dainty, so light, so unlike her fortunes, remained in that unusual +stillness, her mind and heart were palpitating with thoughts--all kinds +of thoughts; not only considerations worthy the solemnity and horror of +the moment, but every kind of trivial and secondary necessity, passed +through that restless soul, all throbbing with life and action, more +self-conscious than usual from the fact of its outward stillness. A +hundred rapid conclusions and calculations about the funeral, the +mourning, the change of domestic habits involved, darted through +Nettie's mind. It was a relief to her to leap forward into these +after-matters. The immediate necessity before her--the dreadful errand +on which she must presently go to her sister's bedside--the burst of +wailing and reproachful grief which all alone Nettie would have to +encounter and subdue, were not to be thought of. She bent down her +little head into her hands, and once more shed back that hair which, +never relieved out of its braids through all this long night, began to +droop over her pale cheeks; and a quick sigh of impatience, of energy +restrained, of such powerlessness as her courageous capable soul, in +the very excess of its courage and capacity, felt in its approaching +conflict with the feeble foolish creature, who never could be stimulated +out of her own narrow possibilities, burst from Nettie's breast. But the +sigh was as much physical as mental--the long-drawn breath of mingled +weariness and restlessness--the instinct to be doing, and the exhaustion +of long labour and emotion, blended together. Thus she waited while +the cold spring morning brightened, and Mrs Smith went about her early +domestic business, returning often into the little back-parlour with +the mullioned window, of which domestic Gothic treatment had made a +condemned cell, to re-express her anxieties and horrors. Nettie had an +instinctive consciousness even of Mrs Smith's grievance. She knew this +dismal association would ruin "the lodgings," and felt that here was +another bond upon her to remain at St Roque's, however much she might +long to escape and flee away. + +All these crowding and breathless thoughts were a few minutes after +reduced to absolute momentary stillness. It was by a step outside coming +hastily with rapid purpose along the silent way. Nettie rose up to meet +Edward Rider; not as the angry lover still fiercely resentful of that +rejection, which was no rejection, but only a bare and simple statement +of necessity; not as the suitor of Miss Marjoribanks; simply as the only +creature in the world who could help her, or to whom she would delegate +any portion of her own hard but inevitable work. She opened the door +before he had time to knock, and held out her hand to him silently, quite +unawares betraying her recognition of his step--her comfort in his +presence. That meeting flushed the doctor's anxious face with a mingled +shame and triumph not expressible in words, but left Nettie as pale, as +preoccupied, as much absorbed in her thoughts and duties as before. + +"Dr Edward, I should not have sent for you if I could have done it all +myself," said Nettie; "but I knew you would think it right to be here +now. And I have Susan and the children to look to. I commit this to +you." + +"Do they know?" said the doctor, taking the key she gave him, and +holding fast, with an instinct of compassion almost more strong than +love, the little hand which never trembled. + +"I will tell Susan, now that you have come--I could not before," said +Nettie, with another sigh. "Poor Susan! I was glad to let her sleep." + +"But there is no one to think whether you sleep or not," cried Edward +Rider. "And those eyes have watched all night. Nettie, Nettie, could not +you have sent for me sooner? A word would have brought me at any +moment." + +"You were not wanted till now," said Nettie, not without a touch of +womanly pride. "I have always been able to do my own work, Dr Edward. +But, now, don't let us quarrel any more," she said, after a pause. "You +were angry once, and I don't wonder. Never mind all that, but let us be +friends; and don't let all the people, and strangers, and men who don't +belong to us," cried Nettie once more, with hot tears in her eyes, "be +hard upon poor Fred!" + +The next moment she had vanished up-stairs and left the doctor alone, +standing in the little cold hall with the key in his hand, and Mrs +Smith's troubled countenance beholding him from far. Edward Rider paused +before he entered upon his dismal share of this morning's work. Death +itself did not suffice to endear Fred Rider to his brother. But he stood +still, with a certain self-reproach, to withdraw his thoughts, if he +could, from Nettie, and to subdue the thrill--the most living touch of +life--which this meeting had stirred within him, before he entered that +miserable chamber of death. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + +That dreadful day ebbed over slowly--tedious, yet so full of events +and dismal business that it looked like a year rather than a day. The +necessary investigations were got through without any special call upon +Nettie. She spent the most of the day up-stairs with Susan, whose wild +refusal to believe at first, and sullen stupor afterwards, were little +different from the picture which Nettie's imagination had already made. +The children received the news with wondering stares and questions. +That they did not understand it was little, but that they scarcely +were interested after the first movement of curiosity, disappointed and +wounded the impatient heart, which unconsciously chafed at its own total +inability to convey the feelings natural to such a terrible occasion +into any bosom but its own. Nettie's perpetual activity had hitherto +saved her from this disgust and disappointment. She had been bitterly +intolerant by moments of Fred's disgraceful content and satisfaction +with his own indulgences, but had never paused to fret over what she +could not help, nor contrast her own high youthful humour and sense of +duty with the dull insensibility around her. But to-day had rapt the +heroic little girl into a different atmosphere from that she had been +breathing hitherto. To-day she was aware that her work had been so far +taken out of her hands, and acknowledged in her heart that it was best +it should be so. She heard the heavy feet of men coming and going, +but was not obliged to descend into immediate conflict with all the +circumstances of so horrible a crisis. It was a new sensation to Nettie. +A year ago, perhaps, she would not have relinquished even that dreadful +business to any one;--to-day, the thought of having some one else who +did it for her, and took comfort in relieving her burdened hands, +fell with singular soothing power upon the heart which had come to a +knowledge of its own weakness in these last tedious months; and as +Nettie sat up-stairs with all the remorseful thoughts of nature in +her softened heart, the impossibility of impressing her own emotions +upon those around her struck her with a deeper sense of impatience, +disappointment, and disgust than ever before. When she went softly into +the darkened room where Susan lay in her gloomy bed, divided between +wailings over the injuries which poor Fred had suffered, the harshness +that had driven him out of doors, and the want of his brother or +somebody to take care of him, which had brought the poor fellow to +such an end--and complaints of the wrong done to herself, the "want of +feeling" shown by her sister, the neglect with which she was treated, +Nettie gazed at the sobbing creature with eyes unconsciously wondering, +yet but half-surprised. She knew very well beforehand that this was how +her dreadful tidings would be received; yet out of her own softened, +awed, compunctious heart--her pity too deep for tears over that lost +life--Nettie looked with the unbelief of nature at the widowed woman, +the creature who had loved him, and been his wife--yet who could only +think of somebody else to be blamed, and of herself injured, at that +terrible moment when the companion of her life was violently withdrawn +from her. And to go out of that obstinately darkened refuge of fretful +sorrow, into the room where the blind had been drawn up the moment +her back was turned, and where these three tearless children, totally +unimpressed by the information which they had received as a piece of +news with mingled curiosity and scepticism, occupied themselves with +their usual sports, or listened keenly, with sharp remarks, to the +sounds below, which only the utmost stretch of Nettie's authority could +keep them from descending to investigate, afforded a wonderful reverse +to the picture, which startled her in her momentary clearsightedness. +The contrast between her own feelings--she who had no bonds of natural +affection to Fred, and to whom he had been, by times, a very irksome +burden--and theirs, who were his very own, and belonged to him, appeared +to Nettie as no such contrast had ever appeared before. _Her_ heart +alone was heavy with regret over the ruined man--the now for ever +unredeemable life: she only, to whom his death was no loss, but even, +if she could have permitted that cruel thought to intervene, a gain and +relief, recognised with a pang of compassion almost as sharp as grief, +that grievous, miserable fate. When, a few minutes after, the noise of +the children's play rose to an outburst, Nettie flushed into a momentary +effusion of temper, and silenced the heartless imps with a voice and +look which they dared not venture to resist. Her rebuke was, however, +interrupted by a sudden call from their mother. "How can you have the +heart!--Oh, Nettie, Nettie! I knew you had no feeling!--you never had +any feeling since you were a baby--but how can you speak so to his poor +children, now that he has left them on the cold world?" cried Susan, +sobbing, from her bed. If Nettie sprang to her feet in sudden heat and +disgust, and peremptorily closed the doors intervening between the +children and their mother, nobody will much wonder at that movement of +impatience. Perhaps Nettie's eyes had never been so entirely opened to +the hopeless character of the charge she had taken upon her, as in the +temporary seclusion of that day. + +And meanwhile, down-stairs, Edward Rider was superintending all the +arrangements of the time for Nettie's sake. Not because it was his +brother who lay there, no longer a burden to any man; nor because +natural duty pointed him out as the natural guardian of the orphaned +family. The doctor, indeed, would have done his duty in such a hard +case, however it had been required of him; but the circumstances were +different now: the melancholy bustle, the shame, the consciousness that +everybody knew what manner of existence this lost life had been, the +exposure, the publicity--all that would have wrung with a hundred sharp +wounds a spirit so susceptible to public comments--came with dulled force +upon the doctor's mind to-day. When the people about saw the grave and +seemly composure with which he went about this dismal business, without +those starts and flushes of grievous irritation and shame which the +very mention of his brother had once brought upon him, they believed, +and honoured him in the belief, that death had awakened the ancient +fraternal kindness in Edward Rider's heart. But it was not fraternal +kindness that smoothed off the rude edges of that burden; it was the +consciousness of doing Nettie's work for her, taking her place, sparing +that creature, over whom his heart yearned, the hardest and painfulest +business she had yet been involved in. We cannot take credit for the +doctor which he did not deserve. He forgave Fred when he saw his +motionless figure, never more to do evil or offend in this world, laid +in pitiful solitude in that room, which still was Nettie's room, and +which even in death he grudged to his brother. But Edward's distinct +apprehension of right and wrong, and Fred's deserts in this world, +were not altered by that diviner compunction which had moved Nettie. He +forgave, but did not forget, nor defend with remorseful tenderness his +brother's memory. Not for Fred's sake, but Nettie's, he held his place +in the troubled cottage, and assumed the position of head of the family. +Hard certainties of experience prevented the doctor's unimaginative +mind from respecting here the ideal anguish of sudden widowhood and +bereavement. This was a conclusion noways unnatural or surprising for +such a life as Fred's--and Edward knew, with that contemptuous hardness +into which incessant personal contact with the world drives most men, +that neither the wife nor the children were capable of deep or permanent +feeling. "They will only hang upon _her_ all the heavier," he said +to himself, bitterly; and for her, with repentant love, Edward Rider +exerted himself. In all the house no heart, but Nettie's alone, +acknowledged an ache of pity for Fred and his ruined life. "Mrs Rider, +to be sure, will feel at first--it's only natural," said Mrs Smith; +"but there wasn't nothing else to be looked for; and if it were not +hardhearted to say it, and him lying in his coffin, they'll be a deal +better off without him nor with him. But Smith and me, we have ourselves +to look to, and it's a terrible blow, is this, to a house as was always +as respectable as e'er a one in Carlingford. The lodgings is ruined! +The very marks of the feet, if it was nothing else!" cried the afflicted +landlady, contemplating the scratched tiles in the hall with actual +tears of vexation and regret. But this was the true state of the case to +every unconcerned spectator. Only Nettie, on whom the burden had fallen, +and was yet to fall heaviest, felt the eyes, which were hot and heavy +with watching, grow dim with tears of unspeakable compassion. From +the fulness of her youth and strength--strength so burdened, youth so +dauntless and dutiful--Nettie gazed with a pity too deep for words at +the awful spectacle of that existence lost. That the lifeless thing in +the room below could have been a man, and yet have come and gone so +disastrously through the world, was terrible to think of, to that +living labouring creature, in the depth of her own strange toils and +responsibilities. Her heart ached over that wretched, miserable fate. +Neither toil nor anguish was to be compared to the dread loss of a life +sustained by that departed soul. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + +In a few days all this solemn crisis was over, and life went on again in +its ordinary tame current, closing over the dishonoured grave where Fred +found his rest, henceforward nameless in the world that had suffered his +existence as a cumberer of the ground for so many years. Had he been the +prop of his house and the light of their eyes, life would have gone on +again, after that interruption, all the same, with a persistency which +nothing can impair. As it was, the diminished household resumed its +ordinary course of existence, after a very few days, with little more +than outward marks of what had befallen them. It is true that Nettie +sat down with a repugnance which she scarcely could either overcome or +conceal, to dispense the domestic provisions at the table which shortly +before had borne so dread a burden. But nobody thought of that except +Nettie; and but for the black dresses and Susan's cap, Fred was as if he +had never been. + +About a week after the funeral, the doctor went solemnly to visit them +in one of those lengthening spring afternoons. Dr Rider was undeniably +nervous and excited about this interview. He had been at home under +pretence of having luncheon, but in reality to make a solemn toilette, +and wind himself up to the courage necessary for a settlement of affairs. +As he dashed with agitated haste down Grange Lane, he saw Miss Wodehouse +and her sister Lucy coming from St Roque's, where very probably they too +had been making a visit of condolence to Nettie; and a little nearer that +scene of all his cogitations and troubles appeared, a much less welcome +sight, Miss Marjoribanks, whom all Carlingford, a month ago, had declared +Dr Rider to be "paying his addresses" to. The guilty doctor took off his +hat to that stout and sensible wayfarer, with a pang of self-disgust +which avenged Nettie. Along the very road where that little Titania, +eager and rapid, had gone upon her dauntless way so often, to see that +comely well-dressed figure, handsome, sprightly, clever--but with such a +world of bright youth, tenderness, loveliness, everything that touches +the heart of man, between the two! No harm to Miss Marjoribanks; only +shame to the doctor, who, out of angry love, pique, and mortification, +to vex Nettie, had pretended to transfer the homage due to the fairy +princess to that handsome and judicious woman. The experiment had failed +as entirely as it deserved to do; and here was Edward Rider, coming back +wiser and humbler, content to put that question over again, and stand +once more his chance of what his pride had called a rejection, perhaps +content to make still greater sacrifices, if the truth were known, and +to do anything Nettie asked him, if Nettie would but condescend to ask +or enter into terms at all. + +He drew up before St Roque's with a dash, which was much more of +agitation than display, and, throwing the reins at the head of his +little groom, leaped out like a man who did not see where he was going. +He saw Mr Wentworth, however, coming out of the church, and turning +round amazed to look what vehicle had come to so sudden a standstill +there. All the world seemed to be on the road to St Roque's Cottage that +spring afternoon. The doctor made a surly gesture of recognition as he +passed the curate, who gazed at him in calm astonishment from the church +porch. No other intruder appeared between him and the Cottage. He hurried +along past the willow-trees with their drooping tassels, surrounded by a +certain maze of excitement and agitation. As he went up to the door, it +occurred to him suddenly how Nettie had recognised his step that dread +morning of Fred's death. The thought came like a stimulus and encouragement +to the doctor. He went in with a brighter look, a heart more hopeful. +She had opened the door to him before he could knock, held out to +him that tiny morsel of a hand which laboured so hard and constantly, +said--what did Nettie say? how many times had the doctor conned it over +as he went between his patients?--"You were angry once, and, indeed, +I don't wonder." The doctor went boldly in under the cordial of these +simple words. If she did not wonder that he was angry once, could she +think of saying over again that same conclusion which had cast him into +such wrathful despair? He went in to try his fortune a second time, +secure of his temper at least. _That_ could never fail, nor sin against +Nettie again. + +Edward Rider went in, expectant somehow, even against his reason, to +find an altered world in that house from which Fred had gone. He knew +better, to be sure, but nature beguiled the young man out of his +wisdom. When he went in to the parlour his eyes were opened. Upon the +sofa--that same sofa where Fred had lain, all slovenly and mean in his +idleness, with his pipe, polluting Nettie's sole retirement--Mrs Fred +lay now in her sombre black dress, with the white cap circling her faded +face. She had her white handkerchief in her hand, and was carefully +arranged upon the sofa, with a chair placed near for sympathisers. At +the table, working rapidly as usual, sat Nettie. Sometimes she turned +a momentary glance of mingled curiosity and wonder upon her sister. +Evidently she did not interfere with this development of sorrow. Nettie +had enough to do, besides, with her needlework, and to enjoin a moderate +amount of quietness upon Freddy and his little sister, who were building +wooden bricks into houses and castles on the floor by her side. When the +doctor entered the room he saw how it was with instantaneous insight. +Mrs Fred was sitting in state, in the pomp of woe, to receive all the +compassionate people who might come to condole with her. Nettie, half +impatient, half glad that her sister could amuse herself so, sat in busy +toleration, putting up with it, carrying on her own work through it +all--and still, as always, those bonds of her own making closed hard and +tenacious upon the prop of the house. Even the chance of speaking with +her by herself died off into extreme distance. Young Rider, who came in +with the full conviction that anger could never more rise in his heart +against Nettie, grew pale with passion, resentment, and impatience before +he had been a minute in the room. Always the same! Not relieved out +of her bondage--closer bound and prisoned than ever! He took, with an +impatient involuntary commotion, the chair placed beside the sofa, and +sat down in it abruptly with the briefest salutations. His hopes and +anticipations all went bitterly back upon his heart. The very rustle of +Nettie's arm as she spread out that little black frock upon the table, +and put on its melancholy trimmings, exasperated afresh the man who five +minutes ago did not believe it possible that he ever could feel an +impulse of displeasure against her again. + +"I cannot say that I expected to see you, Mr Edward," said Mrs Fred, +lifting her handkerchief to her eyes; "indeed, when I remember the last +time you were here, I wonder you could think of coming near us. But now +my poor dear Fred is gone, we have nobody to protect us--and of course +you don't mind how you hurt my feelings. If you had done your duty by my +poor fellow when he was living, he might never--never----" + +Here Mrs Fred paused, choked by spiteful tears. + +"Dr Edward, don't mind what Susan says," said Nettie. "It is very kind +of you to come after everything---- If you would only tell the people +not to take any notice, but just to let us go on as usual. They all want +to be kind, you know--they keep coming, and asking what they can do; and +you understand very well there is nothing to do," said Nettie, with a +little pride. "We are just as we were before--nothing is changed: one +does not like to be unkind, but nobody needs to do anything. We shall +get along all the same." + +"So it seems, indeed," said Dr Rider, with irrepressible bitterness; +"all the same! But, indeed, I came specially to ask what my sister-in-law +meant to do," continued the doctor, bent on one last appeal. "Now that +you are left to yourself, Mrs Rider, what do you think of doing? Of +course you must have some plans about the children and your future +life?" + +Mrs Fred looked up at him with momentary alarm and dismay. She did not +know what the question meant, but a certain vague terror seized her. It +seemed to imply somehow that she was now to be left to her own resources. +She gave a certain gasp of appeal to "Nettie!" and took refuge once more +in her handkerchief. The doctor was desperate--he had no mercy in him. + +"Nettie! always Nettie!" cried the young man. "And is it true, Nettie--is +it all the same? Are you always to go on toiling for the miserable +comforts of other people? What is to become of us? Have you sold +yourself to this fate?" + +Nettie laid down the little black frock out of her laborious hands. "You +have been up all night, Dr Edward," she said, with a certain tenderness, +looking at his agitated face; "you are tired out and sick at the heart. +I know it makes you say things you would not say; but after all, you +know, except poor Fred, whom none of you think of, everything is the +very same. I cannot make it different--nothing can make it different. +There is Susan plain enough to be seen--and there are the children. +Sometimes it has come into my mind," said Nettie, "that as I shall never +be able to afford a _very_ good education for the children, it would be +better to take them out to the colony again, where they might get on +better than here. But it is a dreadful long voyage; and we have no near +friends there, or anywhere else: and," concluded the steadfast creature, +who had dropped these last words from her lips sentence by sentence, +as if eager to impress upon her own mind the arguments against that +proceeding--"and," said Nettie, with wistful pathetic honesty, not able +to deny the real cause of the reluctance altogether, "I don't seem to +have the heart for it now." + +Dr Rider started up from his chair. He went to Nettie's side with a +sudden thrill of agitation and passion. He clasped the hand with which +Nettie was smoothing out that little frock, and crushed the delicate +fingers in his inconsiderate grasp. "Nettie! if you must carry them +always upon your shoulders, cannot we do it together, at least?" cried +the doctor, carried away beyond every boundary of sense or prudence. He +got down on his knees beside the table, not kneeling to her, but only +compelling her attention--demanding to see the answer of her eyes, the +quiver of her mouth. For that moment Nettie's defences too fell before +this unlooked-for outburst of a love that had forgotten prudence. Her +mouth quivered, her eyes filled. If it were possible--if it were only +possible!---- They had both forgotten the spectators who gazed with +curious eyes, all unaware how deeply their own fate was involved; and +that fate was still trembling in the breathless interval, when a vulgar +finger touched those delicate balances of possibility, and the crisis +was over, perhaps never to return. + +"Nettie!" cried Mrs Fred, "if Edward Rider has no respect for me, nor +for my poor Fred--my poor, dear, injured husband, that helped to bring +him up, and gave up his practice to him, and died, as I might say, by +his neglect--Nettie! how can you be so cruel to your sister? How can you +go taking his hand, and looking as if he were your lover? You never had +any feeling for me, though everybody thinks so much of you. And now I +know what I have to expect. The moment my poor dear Fred's head is laid +in the grave--as soon as ever you have me in your own hands, and nobody +to protect me!--oh, my Fred! my Fred!--as soon as you are gone, this is +how they are using your poor helpless family!--and soon, soon I shall +die too, and you will not be encumbered with _me_!" + +Long before this sobbing speech was concluded, Dr Rider had risen to his +feet, and was pacing through the little room with hasty steps of disgust +and rage, and an agitation which overwhelmed all his attempts to master +it; while Nettie sat supporting her head in her hands, pressing her +fingers upon her hot eyes, beholding that fair impossible vision break +and disappear from before her. Nettie's heart groaned within her, and +beat against the delicate bosom which, in its tender weakness, was +mighty as a giant's. She made no answer to her sister's outcry, nor +attempted to comfort the hysterical sobbing into which Susan fell. +Nettie gave up the hopeless business without being deceived by those +selfish demonstrations. She was not even fortunate enough to be able to +persuade herself into admiring love and enthusiasm for those to whom +necessity obliged her to give up her own life. She said nothing; she +knew the sobs would subside, the end would be gained, the insignificant +soul lapse into comfort, and with a sigh of compulsory resignation +Nettie yielded once more to her fate. + +"Dr Edward, do not think of me any more," she said, resolutely, rising +and going out to the door with him, in her simplicity and courage. "You +see very well it is impossible. I know you see it as well as I do. If +we could be friends as we once were, I should be very, very glad, but I +don't think it is possible just now. Don't say anything. We both know +how it is, and neither of us can help it. If we could get not to think +of each other, that would be best," said Nettie, with another sigh; "but +in the mean time let us say good-bye, and speak of it no more." + +If the doctor did not take his dismissal exactly so--if Nettie's +identification of her own sentiments with his did lead to a warmer +tenderness in that farewell, which could not be final while such a +bond united them, it was at least with an absolute conviction of the +impossibility of any closer union that they parted. The doctor sprang +into his drag and dashed away to his patients, plunging into the work +which he had somewhat neglected during that exciting day. He was not +without some comfort as he went about his business with Care behind him, +but that very comfort embittered the pang of the compulsory submission. +To think he must leave her there with those burdens upon her delicate +shoulders--to believe her his, yet not his, the victim of an unnatural +bondage--drove Edward Rider desperate as he devoured the way. A hundred +times in an hour he made up his mind to hasten back again and snatch +her forcibly out of that thraldom, and yet a hundred times had to fall +back consuming his heart with fiery irritation, and chafing at all +that seemed duty and necessity to Nettie. As he was proceeding on his +troubled way it occurred to him to meet--surely everybody in Carlingford +was out of doors this particular afternoon!--that prosperous wife, Mrs +John Brown, who had once been Bessie Christian. She was a very pale +apparition now to the doctor, engrossed as he was with an influence much +more imperious and enthralling than hers had ever been; but the sight +of her, on this day of all others, was not without its effect upon +Edward Rider. Had not she too been burdened with responsibilities which +the doctor would not venture to take upon his shoulders, but which +another man, more daring, _had_ taken, and rendered bearable? As the +thought of that possibility occurred to him, a sudden vision of Mrs +Fred's faded figure flashed across his eyes. In the excitement of the +moment he touched too sharply with his whip that horse which had suffered +the penalty of most of his vagaries of temper and imagination for some +time past. The long-suffering beast was aggravated out of patience by +that unexpected irritation. It was all the doctor could do for the +next ten minutes to keep his seat and his command over the exasperated +animal, whose sudden frenzy terrified Mrs Brown, and drove her to take +refuge in the nearest shop. How little the Carlingford public, who +paused at a respectful distance to look on, guessed those emotions which +moved the doctor as they watched him subduing his rebellious horse with +vigorous arm and passionate looks! Bessie, with a little palpitation at +her heart, could not refrain from a passing wonder whether the sight of +herself had anything to do with that sudden conflict. Mrs Brown knew +little about St Roque's Cottage, but had heard of Miss Marjoribanks, +who it was not to be supposed could hold a very absolute sway over +the doctor. Meanwhile Dr Rider struggled with his horse with all the +intensity of determination with which he would have struggled against +his fate had that been practicable. With set teeth and eyes that blazed +with sudden rage and resolution, he subdued the unruly brute, and forced +it to acknowledge his mastery. When he drove the vanquished animal, all +quivering with pain and passion, on its further course, the struggle had +refreshed his mind a little. Ah, if life and adverse fortune could but +be vanquished so!--but all Edward Rider's resolution and courage died +into hopeless disgust before the recollection of Mrs Fred upon that +sofa. Even with Nettie at one hand, that peevish phantom on the other, +those heartless imps in insolent possession of the wonderful little +guardian who would not forsake them, made up a picture which made the +doctor's heart sick. No! Nettie was right. It was impossible. Love, +patience, charity, after all, are but human qualities, when they have to +be held against daily disgusts, irritations, and miseries. The doctor +knew as well as Nettie did that he could not bear it. He knew even, as +perhaps Nettie did not know, that her own image would suffer from the +association; and that a man so faulty and imperfect as himself could not +long refrain from resenting upon his wife the dismal restraints of such +a burden. With a self-disgust which was most cutting of all, Edward +Rider felt that he should descend to that injustice; and that not even +Nettie herself would be safe against the effusions of his impatience +and indignation. All through the course of this exciting episode in his +life, his own foresight and knowledge of himself had been torture to the +doctor, and had brought him, in addition to all other trials, silent +agonies of self-contempt which nobody could guess. But he could not alter +his nature. He went through his day's work very wretched and dejected, +yet with an ineffable touch of secret comfort behind all, which sometimes +would look him in the face for a moment like a passing sunbeam, yet +sometimes seemed to exasperate beyond bearing the tantalising misery of +his fate. A more agitated, disturbed, passionate, and self-consuming man +than the doctor was not in Carlingford, nor within a hundred miles; yet +it was not perfect wretchedness after all. + +Nettie, on her part, went back to Mrs Fred in the parlour after she had +parted from Edward Rider, with feelings somewhat different from the +doctor's. Perhaps she too had indulged a certain pang of expectation as +to what might follow after Fred was gone, in the new world that should +be after that change; for Nettie, with all her wisdom of experience, was +still too young not to believe that circumstances did change everything +now and then, even dispositions and hearts. But before Dr Rider knew +it--before he had even wound up his courage to the pitch of asking what +was now to happen to them--the little Australian had made up her mind to +that which was inevitable. The same Susan whose ceaseless discontents +and selfish love had driven Nettie across the seas to look for Fred, was +now reposing on that sofa in her widow's cap, altogether unchanged, as +helpless and unabandonable, as dependent, as much a fool as ever. The +superior wretchedness of Fred's presence and life had partially veiled +Susan's character since they came to Carlingford. Now she had the field +to herself again, and Nettie recognised at once the familiar picture. +From the moment when Susan in her mourning came down-stairs, Nettie +acknowledged the weakness of circumstances, the pertinacity of nature. +What could she do?--she gave up the scarcely-formed germ of hope that +had begun to appear in her breast. She made up her mind silently to what +must be. No agonies of martyrdom could have made Nettie desert her post +and abandon these helpless souls. They could do nothing for themselves, +old or young of them; and who was there to do it all? she asked herself, +with that perpetual reference to necessity which was Nettie's sole process +of reasoning on the subject. Thus considered, the arguments were short +and telling, the conclusion unmistakable. Here was this visible piece +of business--four helpless creatures to be supported and provided and +thrust through life somehow--with nobody in the world but Nettie to do +it; to bring them daily bread and hourly tendance, to keep them alive, +and shelter their helplessness with refuge and protection. She drew up +her tiny Titania figure, and put back her silken flood of hair, and stood +upright to the full extent of her little stature, when she recognised +the truth. Nobody could share with her that warfare which was hard +to flesh and blood. There was nothing to be said on the subject--no +possibility of help. She was almost glad when that interview, which she +foresaw, was over, and when Edward had recognised as well as herself +the necessities of the matter. She went back again out of the little +hall where, for one moment and no more, the lights of youth and love had +flushed over Nettie, suffusing her paleness with rose-blushes. Now it +was all over. The romance was ended, the hero gone, and life had begun +anew. + +"I can't say I ever liked this place," sighed Mrs Fred, when the lamp +was lit that evening, and Nettie had come down-stairs again after seeing +the children in bed. "It was always dull and dreary to me. If we hadn't +been so far out of Carlingford, things might have been very different. +My poor Fred! instead of taking care of him, all the dangers that ever +could be were put in his way." + +This sentence was concluded by some weeping, of which, however, Nettie +did not take any notice. Making mourning by lamp-light is hard work, as +all poor seamstresses know. Nettie had no tears in the eyes that were +fixed intently upon the little coat which was to complete Freddy's +outfit; and she did not even look up from that urgent occupation to +deprecate Susan's tears. + +"I tell you, Nettie, I never could bear this place," said Mrs Fred; "and +now, whenever I move, the dreadful thoughts that come into my mind are +enough to kill me. You always were strong from a baby, and of course it +is not to be expected that you can understand what my feelings are. And +Mrs Smith is anything but kind, or indeed civil, sometimes; and I don't +think I could live through another of these cold English winters. I am +sure I never could keep alive through another winter, now my poor Fred's +gone." + +"Well?" asked Nettie, with involuntary harshness in her voice. + +"I don't care for myself," sobbed Mrs Fred, "but it's dreadful to see +you so unfeeling, and to think what would become of his poor children if +anything were to happen to me. I do believe you would marry Edward Rider +if it were not for me, and go and wrong the poor children, and leave +them destitute. Nobody has the feeling for them that a mother has; but +if I live another winter in England, I know I shall die." + +"You have thought of dying a great many times," said Nettie, "but it has +never come to anything. Never mind that just now. What do you want? Do +you want me to take you back to the colony all these thousands of miles, +after so many expenses as there have been already?--or what is it you +want me to do?" + +"You always speak of expenses, Nettie: you are very poor-spirited, though +people think so much of you," said Susan; "and don't you think it is +natural I should wish to go home, now my poor Fred has been taken away +from me? And you confessed it would be best for the children. We know +scarcely anybody here, and the very sight of _that_ Edward that was so +cruel to my poor Fred----" + +"Susan, don't be a fool," said Nettie; "you know better in your heart. +If you will tell me plainly what you want, I shall listen to you; but +if not, I will go up-stairs and put away Freddy's things. Only one thing +I may tell you at once; you may leave Carlingford if you please, but I +shall not. I cannot take you back again to have you ill all the way, and +the children threatening to fall overboard twenty times in a day. I did +it once, but I will not do it again." + +"You _will_ not?" cried Susan. "Ah, I know what you mean: I know very +well what you mean. You think Edward Rider----" + +Nettie rose up and faced her sister with a little gasp of resolution +which frightened Mrs Fred. "I don't intend to have anything said about +Edward Rider," said Nettie; "he has nothing to do with it one way or +another. I tell you what I told him, that I have not the heart to carry +you all back again; and I cannot afford it either; and if you want +anything more, Susan," added the peremptory creature, flashing forth +into something of her old spirit, "I shan't go--and that is surely +enough." + +With which words Nettie went off like a little sprite to put away +Freddy's coat, newly completed, along with the other articles of his +wardrobe, at which she had been working all day. In that momentary +impulse of decision and self-will a few notes of a song came unawares +from Nettie's lip, as she glanced, light and rapid as a fairy, up-stairs. +She stopped a minute after with a sigh. Were Nettie's singing days over? +She had at least come at last to find her life hard, and to acknowledge +that this necessity which was laid upon her was grievous by times to +flesh and blood; but not the less for that did she arrange Freddy's +little garments daintily in the drawers, and pause, before she went +down-stairs again, to cover him up in his little bed. + +Susan still sat pondering and crying over the fire. Her tears were a +great resource to Mrs Fred. They occupied her when she had nothing else +to occupy herself with; and when she cast a weeping glance up from her +handkerchief to see Nettie draw her chair again to the table, and lay +down a little pile of pinafores and tuckers which required supervision, +Susan wept still more, and said it was well to be Nettie, who never +was overcome by her feelings. Thus the evening passed dully enough. +Just then, perhaps, Nettie was not a very conversable companion. Such +interviews as that of this day linger in the heads of the interlocutors, +and perhaps produce more notable effects afterwards than at the moment. +Nettie was not thinking about it. She was simply going over it again, +finding out the tones and meanings which, in the haste and excitement of +their occurrence, did not have their full force. The fulness of detail +that lingers about such pictures, which are not half apprehended till +they have been gone over again and again, is marvellous. The pinafores +went unconsciously through Nettie's fingers. She was scarcely aware of +Susan crying by the fire. Though it had been in some degree a final and +almost hopeless parting, there was comfort behind the cloud to Nettie as +well as to the doctor. She had forgotten all about the discussion with +which the evening began before Susan spoke again. + +"Richard Chatham came home with the last mail," said Susan, making a +feeble effort to renew the fight. "He sent me a letter last week, you +know. I daresay he will come to see us. Richard Chatham from Melbourne, +Nettie. I daresay he will not stay out of the colony long." + +Nettie, who was lost in her own thoughts, made no reply. + +"I daresay," repeated Mrs Fred, "he will be going out again in a month +or two. I do not believe he could bear this dreadful English winter any +more than I could. I daresay he'd be glad to take care of us out--if you +should change your mind about going, Nettie." + +Nettie gave her sister a glance of resolution and impatience--a +swift glance upward from her work, enough to show she marked and +understood--but still did not speak. + +"Richard Chatham was always very good-natured: it would be such a good +thing for us to go in the same ship--if you should happen to change your +mind about going, Nettie," said Mrs Fred, rising to retire to her room. +"I am going to bed to try to get a little sleep. Such wretched nights as +I have would kill anybody. I should not wonder if Richard Chatham came +some of these days to see us. Poor fellow! he had always a great fancy +for _our_ family; and it would be _such_ a thing for us, Nettie, if you +should change your mind about going, to go in the same ship!" + +With which Parthian shot Mrs Fred made her way up-stairs and retired +from the field. Nettie woke with a startled consciousness out of her +dreams, to perceive that here was the process of iteration begun which +drives the wisest to do the will of fools. She woke up to it for a +moment, and, raising her drooping head, watched her sister make her way, +with her handkerchief in her hand, and the broad white bands of her cap +streaming over her shoulders, to the door. Susan stole a glance round +before she disappeared, to catch the startled glance of that resolute +little face, only half woke up, but wholly determined. Though Mrs Fred +dared not say another word at that moment, she disappeared full of the +conviction that her arrow had told, and that the endless persistence +with which she herself, a woman and a fool, was gifted, need only be +duly exercised to win the day. When Susan was gone, that parting arrow +did quiver for a moment in Nettie's heart; but the brave little girl +had, for that one night, a protection which her sister wist not of. +After the door closed, Nettie fell back once more into that hour of +existence which expanded and opened out the more for every new approach +which memory made to it. Sweet nature, gentle youth, and the Magician +greater than either, came round her in a potent circle and defended +Nettie. The woman was better off than the man in this hour of their +separation, yet union. He chafed at the consolation which was but +visionary; she, perhaps, in that visionary, ineffable solacement found +a happiness greater than any reality could ever give. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + +It was some months after the time of this conversation when a man, unlike +the usual aspect of man in Carlingford, appeared at the inn with a +carpet-bag, and asked his way to St Roque's Cottage. Beards were not +common in those days: nobody grew one in Carlingford except Mr Lake, +who, in his joint capacity of portrait-painter and drawing-master, +represented the erratic and lawless followers of Art to the imagination +of the respectable town. But the stranger who made his sudden appearance +at the Blue Boar wore such a forest of hair on the lower part of his +burly countenance as obliterated all ordinary landmarks in that region, +and by comparison made Mr Lake's dainty little mustache and _etceteras_ +sink into utter propriety and respectableness. The rest of the figure +corresponded with this luxuriant feature; the man was large and burly, +a trifle too stout for a perfect athlete, but powerful and vigorous almost +beyond anything then known in Carlingford. It was now summer, and warm +weather, and the dress of the new-comer was as unusual as the other +particulars of his appearance. In his broad straw-hat and linen coat he +stood cool and large in the shady hall of the Blue Boar, with glimpses +of white English linen appearing under his forest of beard, and round +his brown sun-scorched wrists. A very small stretch of imagination was +necessary to thrust pistols into his belt and a cutlass into his hand, +and reveal him as the settler-adventurer of a half-savage disturbed +country, equally ready to work or to fight, and more at home in the +shifts and expedients of the wilderness than among the bonds of +civilisation; yet always retaining, as English adventurers will, certain +dainty personal particulars--such, for instance, as that prejudice in +favour of clean linen, which only the highest civilisation can cultivate +into perfection. He went off down Grange Lane with the swing and poise +of a Hercules when the admiring waiters directed him to the Cottage. +Miss Wodehouse, who was standing at the door with Lucy, in the long grey +cloak and close bonnet lately adopted by the sisterhood of mercy, which +had timidly, under the auspices of the perpetual curate, set itself +a-going at St Roque's, looked after the savage man with an instinct of +gentle curiosity, wondering where he was going and where he came from. +To tell the truth, that tender-hearted soul could with more comfort +to herself have stepped down a little on the road to St Roque's, and +watched whether that extraordinary figure was in search of Nettie--a +suspicion which immediately occurred to her--than she could set out +upon the district-visiting, to which Lucy now led her forth. But Miss +Wodehouse had tremulously taken example by the late rector, whose abrupt +retirement from the duties for which he did not feel himself qualified, +the good people in Carlingford had scarcely stopped discussing. Miss +Wodehouse, deeply impressed in her gentle mind by the incidents of that +time, had considered it her duty to reclaim if possible--she who had no +circle of college dons to retire into--her own life from its habits of +quiet indolence. She consented to go with Lucy into all the charitable +affairs of Carlingford. She stood silent with a pitying face, and +believed in all the pretences of beggary which Lucy saw through by +natural insight. But it was no more her natural element than the long +grey cloak was a natural garment for that spotless, dove-coloured woman. +Her eyes turned wistfully after the stranger with suppressed impulses +of gentle curiosity and gossip. She knew very well he did not belong to +Carlingford. She knew nobody in Grange Lane or the neighbourhood to +whom he could belong. She wanted very much to stop and inquire at the +stable-boy of the Blue Boar, their own gardener's son, who and what this +new-comer was, and turned back to look after him before she turned out +of George Street following Lucy, with lively anxiety to know whether he +was going to St Roque's. Perhaps the labours of a sisterhood of mercy +require a special organisation even of the kind female soul. Miss +Wodehouse, the most tender-hearted of human creatures, did not rise to +that development; and, with a little pang of unsatisfied wonder, saw the +unaccustomed Hercules disappear in the distance without being able to +make out whither he was bound. + +Nobody, however, who had been privileged to share the advantages of Mrs +Fred Rider's conversation for some time back, could be at a loss to guess +who this messenger from the wilderness was. It was Richard Chatham come +at last--he with whose name Nettie had been bored and punctured through +and through from the first day of his introduction into Susan's talk till +now. Mrs Fred had used largely in the interval that all-potent torture +of the "continual dropping;"--used it so perpetually as, though without +producing any visible effect upon Nettie's resolution, to introduce +often a certain sickness and disgust with everything into that steadfast +soul. Nor did she content herself with her own exertions, but skilfully +managed to introduce the idea into the minds of the children--ready, as +all children are, for change and novelty. Nettie had led a hard enough +life for these three months. She could not meet Edward Rider, nor he +her, with a calm pretence of friendship; and Susan, always insolent and +spiteful, and now mistress of the position, filled the doctor with an +amount of angry irritation which his longings for Nettie's society could +not quite subdue. That perpetual barrier between them dismayed both. +Meetings which always ended in pain were best avoided, except at those +intervals when longing love could not, even under that penalty, refuse +itself the gratification; but the dismal life which was lighted up +only by those unfrequent, agitating, exasperating encounters, and +which flowed on through a hundred petty toilsome duties to the fretful +accompaniment of Susan's iterations and the novel persecution now +carried on by the children, was naturally irksome to the high-spirited +and impatient nature which, now no longer heart-whole or fancy-free, did +not find it so easy to carry its own way triumphantly through those +heavy clogs of helplessness and folly. In the days when Miss Wodehouse +pitied and wondered, Nettie had required no sympathy; she had carried +on her course victorious, more entirely conscious of the supreme +gratification of having her own way than of the utter self-sacrifice +which she made to Fred and his family. But now the time predicted by +Miss Wodehouse had arrived. Nettie's own personal happiness had come to +be at stake, and had been unhesitatingly given up. But the knowledge of +that renunciation dwelt with Nettie. Not all the natural generosity of +her mind--not that still stronger argument which she used so often, the +mere necessity and inevitableness of the case--could blind her eyes to +the fact that she _had_ given up her own happiness; and bitter flashes +of thought would intervene, notwithstanding even the self-contempt and +reproach with which she became aware of them. That doubtful complicated +matter, most hard and difficult of mortal problems, pressed hard upon +Nettie's mind and heart. In former days, when she scornfully denied it +to be self-sacrifice, and laboured on, always indomitable, unconscious +that what she did was anything more than the simplest duty and necessity, +all was well with the dauntless, all-enterprising soul; but growing +knowledge of her own heart, of other hearts, cast dark and perplexing +shades upon Nettie, as upon all other wayfarers, in these complex paths. +The effect upon her mind was different from the effect to be expected +according to modern sentimental ethics. Nettie had never doubted of +the true duty, the true necessity, of her position, till she became +conscious of her vast sacrifice. Then a hundred doubts appalled her. Was +she so entirely _right_ as she had supposed? Was it best to relieve the +helpless hands of Fred and Susan of their natural duties, and bear these +burdens for them, and disable herself, when her time came, from the +nobler natural yoke in which her full womanly influence might have told +to an extent impossible to it now? These questions made Nettie's head, +which knew no fanciful pangs, ache with painful thought, and confused +her heart and dimmed her lights when she most needed them to burn +brightly. While, at the very time when these doubts assailed her, her +sister's repetitions and the rising discontent and agitations of the +children, came in to over-cloud the whole business in a mist of sick +impatience and disgust. Return to Australia was never out of Susan's +mind, never absent from her pertinacious foolish lips. Little Freddy +harped upon it all day long, and so did his brother and sister. Nettie +said nothing, but retired with exasperated weariness upon her own +thoughts--sometimes thinking, tired of the conflict, why not give in to +them? why not complete the offering, and remove once for all into the +region of impossibility that contradictory longing for another life that +still stirred by times in her heart? She had never given expression to +this weary inclination to make an end of it, which sometimes assailed +her fatigued soul; but this was the condition in which Richard Chatham's +visit found her, when that Bushman, breathing of the wilds and the +winds, came down the quiet suburban road to St Roque's, and, filling the +whole little parlour with his beard and his presence, came stumbling +into the confined room, where Mrs Fred still lay on the sofa, and Nettie +pursued her endless work. + +"Sorry to hear of the poor doctor's accident," said the Australian, to +whom Fred bore that title. "But he always was a bit of a rover; though +it's sad when it comes to that. And so you are thinking of a return to +the old colony? Can't do better, _I_ should say--there ain't room in +this blessed old country for anything but tax-gatherers and gossips. I +can't find enough air to breathe, for my part--and what there is, is +taxed--leastways the light is, which is all the same. Well, Mrs Rider! +say the word, ma'am, and I'm at your disposal. I'm not particular for a +month or two, so as I get home before next summer; and if you'll only +tell me your time, I'll make mine suit, and do the best I can for you +all. Miss Nettie's afraid of the voyage, is she? That's a new line for +her, I believe. Something taken her fancy in this horrid old box of a +place, eh? Ha! ha! but I'll be head-nurse and courier to the party, Miss +Nettie, if you trust yourselves to me." + +"We don't mean to go back, thank you," said Nettie. "It is only a fancy +of Susan's. Nobody ever dreamt of going back. It is much too expensive +and troublesome to be done so easily. Now we are here, we mean to stay." + +The Bushman looked a little startled, and his lips formed into a whistle +of astonishment, which Nettie's resolute little face kept inaudible. +"Taken your fancy very much, eh, Miss Nettie?" said the jocular savage, +who fancied raillery of one kind or other the proper style of conversation +to address to a young lady. Nettie gave that big hero a flashing sudden +glance which silenced him. Mr Chatham once more formed an inaudible +whew! with his lips, and looked at Mrs Fred. + +"But _your_ heart inclines to the old colony, Miss Susan?--I beg your +pardon--didn't remember what I was saying at that moment. Somehow you +look so much as you used to do, barring the cap," said the Australian, +"that one forgets all that has happened. You incline to cross the seas +again, Mrs Rider, without thinking of the expense?--and very sensible +too. There never was a place like this blessed old country for swallowing +up a man's money. You'll save as much in a year in the colony as will +take you across." + +"That is what I always say;--but of course my wishes are little thought +of," said Mrs Fred, with a sigh; "of course it's Nettie we have to look +to now. If she does not choose, to be sure, it does not matter what I +wish. Ah! if I don't look different, I feel different--things are +changed _now_." + +The Bushman gave a puzzled glance, first at one sister and then at the +other. It occurred to him that Fred had not been so much of a strength +and protection to his family as this speech implied, and that Nettie had +been the person whom Mrs Rider had to "look to" even before they left +that colony for which she now sighed. But Mrs Fred, in her sorrow and +her white cap, was an interesting figure to the eyes which were not much +accustomed to look upon womankind. He had no doubt hers was a hard case. +Nettie sat opposite, very busy, silent, and resolute, flashing dangerous +sudden glances occasionally at her languid sister and their big visitor. +It was confusing to meet those brilliant impatient wrathful eyes; though +they were wonderfully bright, they put out the wild man of the woods, +and made him feel uncomfortable. He turned with relief to those milder +orbs which Mrs Fred buried in her handkerchief. Poor little oppressed +woman, dependent upon that little arbitrary sister! The sincerest pity +awoke in the Bushman's heart. + +"Well!" he said, good-humouredly, "I hope you'll come to be of one mind +when Miss Nettie thinks it over again; and you have only to drop me a +line to let me know when your plans are formed; and it will go hard +with me, but I'll make mine suit them one way or another. All that I can +do for you in the way of outfit or securing your passages--or even, if +you would allow me----" + +Here the good fellow paused, afraid to venture any further. Nettie looked +up in a sudden blaze, and transfixed him with her eye. + +"We have enough for everything we want, thank you," said Nettie, looking +through and through his guilty benevolent intentions, and bringing a +flush of confusion to his honest cheeks. "When I say I cannot afford +anything, I don't mean to ask anybody's assistance, Mr Chatham. We can +do very well by ourselves. If it came to be best for the children--or if +Susan keeps on wishing it, and gets her own way, as she generally does," +said Nettie, with heightened colour, dropping her eyes, and going on at +double speed with her work, "I daresay we shall manage it as we did +before. But that is my concern. Nobody in the world has anything to do +with it but me." + +"Oh, Nettie, dear, you're giving in at last!--do say you'll go! and +Mr Chatham promises he'll take care of us on the way," cried Mrs +Fred, clasping her hands. They were thin hands, and looked delicate in +contrast with her black dress. She was very interesting, pathetic, and +tender to the rough eyes of the Bushranger. He thought that imperative +little creature opposite, with her brilliant glances, her small head +drooping under those heavy braids of hair, her tiny figure and rapid +fingers, looked like a little cruel sprite oppressing the melancholy +soul. When Nettie rose from the table, goaded into sudden intolerance by +that appeal, the climax of the "continual dropping," and threw her work +indignantly on the table, and called Freddy to come directly, and get +dressed for his walk, the impression made by her supposed arbitrary and +imperious behaviour was not diminished. She went out disdainful, making +no reply, and left those two to a private conference. Then Mrs Fred +unbosomed her bereaved heart to that sympathetic stranger. She told him +how different everything was now--how hard it was to be dependent even +on one's sister--how far otherwise things might have been, if poor dear +Fred had been more prudent: one way or other, all her life through, +Susan had been an injured woman. All her desire was to take the children +back to the colony before she died. "If Nettie would but yield!" sighed +Mrs Fred, clasping her hands. + +"Nettie must yield!" cried the Bushranger, full of emotion; and Susan +cried a little, and told him how much the poor dear children wished it; +and knew in her fool's heart that she had driven Nettie to the extremest +bounds of patience, and that a little more persistence and iteration +would gain the day. + +In the mean time Nettie went out with Freddy--the other two being at +school--and took him across the fields for his afternoon walk. The +little fellow talked of Australia all the way, with a childish treachery +and betrayal of her cause which went to Nettie's heart. She walked by +his side, hearing without listening, throbbing all over with secret +disgust, impatience, and despair. She too perceived well enough the +approaching crisis. She saw that once more all her own resolution--the +purpose of her heart--would be overborne by the hopeless pertinacity of +the unconvincible, unreasoning fool. She did not call her sister hard +names--she recognised the quality without giving it its appropriate +title--and recognised also, with a bitterness of resistance, yet a sense +of the inevitable, not to be described, the certain issue of the unequal +contest. What chance had the generous little heart, the hasty temper, +the quick and vivacious spirit, against that unwearying, unreasoning +pertinacity? Once more she must arise, and go forth to the end of the +world: and the sacrifice must be final now. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + + +"Well, it's to be hoped she's going to do well for herself--that's all +we've got to do with it, eh? I suppose so," said Mr Wodehouse; "she's +nothing to you, is she, but a little girl you've taken a deal of notice +of?--more notice than was wanted, if I am any judge. If she does go and +marry this fellow from Australia, and he's willing to take the whole +bundle back to where they came from, it is the best thing that could +happen, in _my_ opinion. Sly young dog, that doctor, though, I must +say--don't you think so? Well, that's how it appears to me. Let's see; +there was Bessie----; hum! perhaps it's as well, in present circumstances, +to name no names. There was _her_, in the first instance, you know; +and the way he got out of that was beautiful; it was what I call +instructive, was that. And then--why then, there was Miss Marjoribanks, +you know--capital match that--just the thing for young Rider--set him up +for life." + +"Papa, pray--_pray_ don't talk nonsense," said Miss Wodehouse, with +gentle indignation. "Miss Marjoribanks is at least ten years----" + +"Oh, stuff!--keep your old-maidish memory to yourself, Molly; who cares +for a dozen years or so? Hasn't she all the old Scotchman's practice and +his savings?--and a fine woman yet--a fine woman, eh? Well, yes, I think +so; and then here's this little wretch of a sister-in-law. Why, the +doctor's taken your _rôle_, Wentworth, eh? Well, I suppose what ought to +be your _rôle_, you know, though I _have_ seen you casting glances at +the strange little creature yourself." + +"Indeed, I assure you, you are entirely mistaken," said Mr Wentworth, +hastily, with a sudden flush of either indignation or guilt. The curate +glanced at Lucy Wodehouse, who was walking demurely by his side, but +who certainly did prick up her ears at this little bit of news. She saw +very well that he had looked at her, but would take no notice of his +glance. But Lucy's curiosity was notably quickened, notwithstanding; St +Roque's Cottage was wonderfully handy, if the perpetual curate of the +pretty suburban church saw anything worth visiting there. Lucy drew up +her pretty shoulders in her grey sister-of-mercy cloak, and opened her +blue eyes a little wider. She was still in circumstances to defy her +reverend lover, if his eyes had declined upon lower attractions than her +own. She looked very straight before her with unpitying precision down +the road, on which St Roque's Church and Cottage were becoming already +visible. The whole party were walking briskly over a path hard with +frost, which made their footsteps ring. The air was still with a winterly +touch, benumbed with cold, yet every sound rang sharply through that +clear cloudless atmosphere, reddened without being warmed by the sun as +it approached the west. It was Christmas again, and they were wending +their way towards St Roque's to assist at the holiday decorations, for +which cartloads of laurel and holly had been already deposited within +the church. Lucy Wodehouse was chief directress of these important +operations. Her sister had accompanied her, partly to admire Lucy's +work, and partly to call at the cottage and see how Nettie was going +on. Mr Wodehouse himself had come merely for the pride and pleasure +of seeing how much they were indebted to his little girl; and the +attendance of the curate was most easily explainable. It was, indeed, +astonishing how many extremely necessary and natural "calls of duty" +should bring Mr Wentworth's path parallel to that of the Wodehouses. +This is why they were all proceeding together on this particular +afternoon in the week before Christmas towards St Roque's. + +In the church, when the party arrived, a little group of workers were +busy. The chancel arch was already bristling with glossy holly-leaves. +At a little distance from the active group occupied with this pleasant +work, and full of chatter and consultation, as was natural, stood one +little figure pointing out to two children the wonders of that decorative +art. Every one of the new-comers, except Mr Wodehouse, recognised Nettie +before she was aware of their presence. She stood with her bonnet fallen +a little back, as it generally was, either by encounter of the wind, or +by the quantity and luxuriance of her beautiful hair, looking upwards +to the point where she had directed the children's eyes. She looked a +little forlorn and solitary, as was natural, all by herself, so near +that group of busy girls in the chancel--so little separated from them +by age, so entirely divided by circumstances. If a certain softening of +half-tender pity shone in the curate's eye, could Lucy Wodehouse blame +him? But the fact was, Lucy swept past the little Australian with a very +brief salutation, and burst into sudden criticism of the work that had +been done in her absence, which startled her collaborateurs, while Mr +Wentworth followed her into the chancel with a meekness quite unusual +to that young priest. Nettie noted both circumstances with a little +surprise; but, not connecting them in the most distant degree with +herself, turned round with a little twitch of Freddy's arm to go away, +and in doing so almost walked into the arms of her older and more faithful +friend. Miss Wodehouse kissed her quite suddenly, touching with her +soft old cheek that rounder, fairer, youthful face, which turned, half +wondering, half pleased, with the look of a child, to receive her +caress. Nettie was as unconscious that Miss Wodehouse's unusual warmth +was meant to make up for Lucy's careless greeting, as that Lucy had +passed her with a positive flutter of resentment and indignation, and +that she had been the subject of the conversation and thoughts of all +the party. Miss Wodehouse turned with her, taking Freddy's other hand--a +proceeding to which that hero rather demurred. They went out together +to the frosty road, where the bare willow-branches rustled between +the church and the cottage. When they reached the porch of St Roque's, +Nettie instinctively held her breath, and stood still for a moment. +Along the footpath in front of them a big figure was passing, and beyond +that bearded shadow the doctor's drag flew past with all the separate +tones of the horse's feet, the wheels, the jingle of the harness, ringing +clear through the sharp unsoftened medium of that frosty atmosphere. The +doctor himself had all his attention concentrated upon the windows of +the cottage, in which the sun was blazing red. He did not see Nettie in +the church porch. He was looking for her too intently in the crimsoned +windows, to which he turned his head back as he dashed on. Unawares +Nettie clasped the fingers of her little companion tighter in her hand +as she watched that unexpected homage. The drag was out of sight in +another moment; and in a few seconds more the bell of the cottage pealed +audibly, and the door was heard to open, admitting the Bushman, who had +come upon one of his frequent visits. That last sound disturbed Nettie's +composure, and at the same time brought her back to herself. + +"I cannot ask you to go in, for Mr Chatham is there, and Susan of +course talking to him," said Nettie, with a quiet breath of restrained +impatience, "but I should like to talk to you, please. Let me take the +children home, and then I will walk up with you. Mrs Smith is very kind; +she will take off their things for them: they behave better now, when I +am out for a few minutes--though, to be sure, I never am out much to try +them. Come, children; be good, and do not make a great noise till I come +back." + +"What do you want to talk to _her_ for?" asked the little girl, gazing +coldly in Miss Wodehouse's face. + +"When Nettie went out to tea, we made as much noise as we liked," said +Freddy, "but there was papa there. Now there's only mamma, and she's so +cross. I hate Chatham--mamma is always crossest when Chatham's there. +What do you want to talk to people for, Nettie? Come in, and say there's +to be toast, and let us have tea." + +"We never have any tea till Nettie comes back," added his sister, +looking full once more into Miss Wodehouse's face. The calm childish +impertinence disconcerted that gentle woman. She gazed at the wonderful +creatures with dumb amazement. Her eyes fell before their steady stare. +"I should be sorry to bring you out again, dear, if it's a trouble," +began Miss Wodehouse, turning her face with a sense of relief from the +hard inspection of the children to their little guardian. + +Nettie made no reply, but carried off her children to the cottage door, +turned them peremptorily in, and issued her last orders. "If you make a +noise, you shall not go," said Nettie; and then came back alert, with +her rapid fairy steps, to Miss Wodehouse's side. + +"Does not their mother take any charge of them?" faltered the gentle +inquisitor. "I never can understand you young people, Nettie. Things +were different in my days. Do you think it's quite the best thing to do +other people's duties for them, dear? and now I'm so sorry--oh, so +sorry--to hear what you are going to do now." + +"Susan is delicate," said Nettie. "She never had any health to speak +of--I mean, she always got better, you know, but never had any pleasure in +it. There must be a great deal in that," continued Nettie, reflectively; +"it never comes into my head to think whether I am ill or well; but poor +Susan has always had to be thinking of it. Yes, I shall have to take +them away," she added again, after a pause. "I am sorry, very sorry too, +Miss Wodehouse. I did not think at one time that I had the heart to do +it. But on the whole, you know, it seems so much better for them. Susan +will be stronger out there, and I have not money enough to give the +children a very good education. They will just have to push their way +like the others; and in the colony, you know, things are so different. +I have no doubt in my own mind now that it will be best for them all." + +"But, Nettie, Nettie, what of yourself? will it be best for you?" cried +Miss Wodehouse, looking earnestly in her face. + +"What is best for them will be best for me," said Nettie, with a little +impatient movement of her head. She said so with unfaltering spirit and +promptitude. She had come to be impatient of the dreary maze in which +she was involved. "If one must break one's heart, it is best to do it at +once and have done with it," said Nettie, under her breath. + +"What was that you said about your heart?" said Miss Wodehouse. "Ah, my +dear, that is what I wanted to speak of. You are going to be married, +Nettie, and I wanted to suggest to you, if you won't be angry. Don't you +think you could make some arrangement about your sister and her family, +dear?--not to say a word against the Australian gentleman, Nettie, whom, +of course, I don't know. A man may be the best of husbands, and yet not +be able to put up with a whole family. I have no doubt the children are +very nice clever children, but their manner is odd, you know, for such +young creatures. You have been sacrificing yourself for them all this +time; but remember what I say--if you want to live happily, my dear, +you'll have to sacrifice them to your husband. I could not be content +without saying as much to you, Nettie. I never was half the good in this +world that you are, but I am nearly twice as old--and one does pick up +some little hints on the way. That is what you must do, Nettie. Make +some arrangement, dear. If he has promised to take them out with you, +that is all right enough; but when you come to settle down in your new +home, make some arrangement dear." + +When Miss Wodehouse arrived breathless at the conclusion of a speech so +unusually long for her, she met Nettie's eyes flashing upon her with the +utmost surprise and curiosity. "I shall never marry anybody," said +Nettie. "What do you mean?" + +"Don't say anything so foolish," said Miss Wodehouse, a little nettled. +"Do you suppose I don't know and see _that_ Mr Chatham coming and going? +How often has he been seen since the first time, Nettie? and do you +suppose it's all been benevolence? My dear, I know better." + +Nettie looked up with a startled glance. She did not blush, nor betray +any pleasant consciousness. She cast one dismayed look back towards the +cottage, and another at Miss Wodehouse. "Can _that_ be why he comes?" +said Nettie, with quiet horror. "Indeed, I never thought of it before--but +all the same, I shall never marry anybody. Do you imagine," cried the +brilliant creature, flashing round upon poor Miss Wodehouse, so as to +dazzle and confuse that gentlewoman, "that a man has only to intend +such a thing and it's all settled? I think differently. Twenty thousand +Chathams would not move me. I shall never marry anybody, if I live to be +as old as--as you, or Methuselah, or anybody. It is not my lot. I shall +take the children out to Australia, and do the best I can for them. +Three children want a great deal of looking after--and after a while in +Carlingford, you will all forget that there ever was such a creature as +Nettie. No, I am not crying. I never cry. I should scorn to cry about +it. It is simply _my business_. That is what it is. One is sorry, of +course, and now and then it feels hard, and all that. But what did one +come into the world for, I should like to know? Does anybody suppose +it was just to be comfortable, and have one's own way? I have had my +own way a great deal--more than most people. If I get crossed in some +things, I have to bear it. That is all I am going to say. I have got +other things to do, Miss Wodehouse. I shall never marry anybody all my +life." + +"My dear, if you are thrown upon this Mr Chatham for society all the +time of the voyage, and have nobody else to talk to----" said the +prudent interlocutor. + +"Then we'll go in another ship," cried Nettie, promptly; "that is easily +managed. I know what it is, a long voyage with three children--they fall +up the cabin-stairs, and they fall down the forecastle; and they give +you twenty frights in a day that they will drop overboard. One does not +have much leisure for anything--not even for thinking, which is a comfort +sometimes," added Nettie, confidentially, to herself. + +"It depends upon what you think of, whether thinking is a comfort or +not," said good Miss Wodehouse. "When I think of you young people, and +all the perplexities you get into! There is Lucy now, vexed with Mr +Wentworth about something--oh, nothing worth mentioning; and there was +poor Dr Rider! How he did look behind him, to be sure, as he went past +St Roque's! I daresay it was you he was looking for, Nettie. I wish you +and he could have fancied each other, and come to some arrangement about +poor Mr Fred's family--to give them so much to live on, or something. I +assure you, when I begin to think over such things, and how perverse +both people and circumstances are, thinking is very little comfort to +me." + +Miss Wodehouse drew a long sigh, and was by no means disinclined to cry +over her little companion. Though she was the taller of the two, she +leant upon Nettie's firm little fairy arm as they went up the quiet road. +Already the rapid winter twilight had fallen, and before them, in the +distance, glimmered the lights of Carlingford--foremost among which +shone conspicuous the large placid white lamp (for professional reds and +blues were beneath his dignity) which mounted guard at Dr Marjoribanks's +garden gate. Those lights, beginning to shine through the evening +darkness, gave a wonderful look of home to the place. Instinctively +there occurred to Nettie's mind a vision of how it would be on the sea, +with a wide dark ocean heaving around the solitary speck on its breast. +It did not matter! If a silent sob arose in her heart, it found no +utterance. Might not Edward Rider have made that suggestion which had +occurred only to Miss Wodehouse? Why did it never come into his head +that Susan and her family might have a provision supplied for them, +which would relieve Nettie? He had not thought of it, that was all. +Instead of that, he had accepted the impossibility. Nettie's heart had +grown impatient in the maze of might-be's. She turned her back upon the +lights, and clasped Miss Wodehouse's hand, and said good-night hastily. +She went on by herself very rapidly along the hard gleaming road. She +did not pay any attention to her friend's protestation that she too was +coming back again to St Roque's to join Lucy--on the contrary, Nettie +peremptorily left Miss Wodehouse, shaking hands with her in so resolute +a manner that her gentle adviser felt somehow a kind of necessity upon +her to pursue her way home; and, only when Nettie was nearly out of +sight, turned again with hesitation to retrace her steps towards St +Roque's. Nettie, meanwhile, went on at a pace which Miss Wodehouse could +not possibly have kept up with, clasping her tiny hands together with a +swell of scorn and disdain unusual to it in her heart. Yes! Why did not +Edward Rider propose the "arrangement" which appeared feasible enough to +Miss Wodehouse? Supposing even Nettie had refused to consent to it, as +she might very probably have done with indignation--still, why did it +not occur to Dr Edward? She asked herself the question with a heat and +passion which she found it difficult to account for. She half despised +her lover, as woman will, for obeying her--almost scorned him, as woman +will, for the mere constancy which took no violent measures, but only +suffered and accepted the inevitable. To submit to what cannot be helped +is a woman's part. Nettie, hastening along that familiar path, blazed +into a sudden burst of rage against Edward because he submitted. What he +could do else she was as ignorant of as any unreasonable creature could +be. But that mattered little. With indignation she saw herself standing +on the verge of that domestic precipice, and the doctor looking on, seeing +her glide out of his reach, yet putting forth no violent sudden hand to +detain her. All the impatience of her fiery nature boiled in her veins +as she hasted to the cottage, where Susan was discussing their journey +with her Australian visitor. No remnant of pathos or love-sickening +remained about Nettie, as she flashed in upon them in all her old haste +and self-reliance--resolute to precipitate the catastrophe which nobody +took any measures to prevent. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + +It was not long before the doctor was made aware of the ghost in his +troubled path. Nobody in Carlingford could meet the big Bushman in +those streets, which always looked too narrow for him, without a certain +curiosity about that savage man. Dr Rider had observed him with jealous +interest on his very first appearance, but had hitherto connected no +idea but that of a return to Australia, which he felt sure Nettie would +never consent to, with the big stranger. With such a thought he had seen +him making his way towards the cottage that very evening when he himself +turned back, as long as those crimsoned windows were visible, to look +for Nettie, who did not show herself. The doctor was bound to see a +distant patient, miles on the other side of Carlingford. As he dashed +along over the echoing road he had time to imagine to himself how Nettie +might at that very moment be badgered and persecuted; and when he had +seen his patient and done his duty, and with the lamps lighted in the +drag, and the frosty wind blowing keen on his face, and the lights of +Carlingford cheering him on in the distance, was once more returning, an +impatience, somewhat akin to Nettie's, suddenly came upon the doctor. +Akin, yet different; for in his case it was an impulse of sensation, an +inspiration of the exhilarating speed and energy of motion with which he +flew through the bracing air, master of himself, his horse, and the long +sweep of solitary road before him. Again it occurred to Dr Rider to dash +forward to St Roque's and carry off Nettie, oppose it who would. The +idea pleased him as he swept along in the darkness, its very impossibility +making the vision sweeter. To carry her off at a stroke, in glorious +defiance of circumstances, and win happiness and love, whatever might +ensue. In the flush of the moment the doctor suddenly asked himself +whether this, after all, were not the wisest course? whether, whatever +might come of it, happiness was not worth the encounter of the dark +array of troubles behind? and whether to precipitate everything by +a sudden conclusion might not be the best way of solving all the +intricacies of the matter? He was still in this mood when he arrived at +his own house, where dinner, as usual, was not improved by having been +ready for an hour. The lamp was not lighted when he came in, and only +the cold reflection of the street lights outside, with a particoloured +gleam at the corner window from his own red and blue professional ensign +at the surgery door, lighted the solitary little room, where he looked +in vain even for so much as a note or letter to bring some shadow of +human fellowship to his home; the fire smouldering dully, the big chair +turned with a sullen back against the wall, as if nobody ever sat +there--though Nettie had once and for ever appropriated it to her +use--everything in such inhuman trim and good order disgusted the doctor. +He rang his bell violently for the lights and refreshments which were +so slow of coming, and, throwing himself into that chair, bit his nails +and stared out at the lamplight in the rapid access of thought that +came upon him. The first thing that disturbed him in this was the +apparition of a figure outside peering in with some anxiety at the blank +windows--somebody who was evidently curious to know whether the doctor +had yet come home. The unhappy doctor started, and rang his bell once +more with furious iteration. He knew what was coming. Somebody else, +no doubt, had taken ill, without any consideration for young Rider's +dinner, which, however, a man must manage to swallow even when tormented +with importunate patients, and in love. But the knock of the untimely +visitor sounded at the much-assailed door before Mary, sulky and +resistant, had been able to arrange before the hungry doctor the +half-warm half-cold viands which his impatience would not permit to +be duly "heated up;" and he had just seated himself to dispose of the +unsatisfactory meal when the little groom, who was as tired as his +master, opened the door for Mrs Smith from St Roque's. Mrs Smith was a +familiar periodical visitor at Dr Rider's. She had not ceased to hold +to that hasty and unwise financial arrangement into which the doctor +was persuaded to enter when Fred's pipe had exasperated the landlady +into rebellion. He had supplemented the rent at that exciting moment +rather than have Nettie disturbed; and now that poor Fred's pipe was +extinguished for ever, the doctor still paid the imposition demanded +from him--half because he had no time to contest it, half because +it was, however improper and unnecessary, a kind of pleasure to do +something for Nettie, little as she knew and deeply as she would have +resented it. Dr Rider's brows cleared up at sight of Nettie's landlady. +He expected some little private anecdotes of her and her ways, such as +no one else could give him. He gave Mrs Smith a chair with a benignity +to which she had no personal claim. Her arrival made Dr Rider's beefsteak +palatable, though the cookery and condition of the same were, to say the +least, far from perfect. Mrs Smith evidently was a little embarrassed +with the gracious reception she received. She twisted the corner of her +shawl in her fingers as if it had been that apron with which women +of her class habitually relieve their feelings. She was in a false +position. She came with the worst of news to the melancholy lover, and +he treated her as if she brought some special message or favour from the +lady of his thoughts. + +"Well, Mrs Smith, and how are you all at the cottage?" said the doctor, +applying himself leisurely to his beefsteak. + +"Well, doctor, nothing to brag of," said Mrs Smith, fixing her eyes upon +the fringe of her shawl. "I haven't nothing to say that's pleasant, more +the pity. I don' know, sir, how you'll take it when you come to hear; +but it's come very hard upon me. Not for the sake of the lodgings, as'll +let again fast enough, now the poor gentleman's sad fate is partly +forgotten; but you know, doctor, a body gets attached-like when one set +of people stays long enough to feel at home; and there ain't many young +ladies like Miss if you were to search the country through. But, now +she's really give in to it herself, there ain't no more to be said. I +never could bring myself to think Miss would give in till to-night when +she told me; though Smith he always said, when the stranger gentleman +took to coming so constant, as he knew how it would be." + +"For heaven's sake, what do you mean?" cried Dr Rider, pushing away his +plate, and rising hurriedly from that dinner which was fated never to be +eaten. Mrs Smith shook her head and drew out her handkerchief. + +"I know nothing more, doctor, but just they're going off to Australia," +said the landlady, mournfully; "and Miss has started packing the big +boxes as have been in the hattic since ever they come: they're going off +back where they come from--that's all as I know." + +"Impossible!" cried the doctor. + +"I'd have said so myself this morning," said Mrs Smith; "but there ain't +nothing impossible, doctor, as Miss takes in her head. Don't you go and +rush out after her, Dr Rider. I beg of you upon my knees, if it was my +last word! I said to Smith I'd come up and tell the doctor, that he +mightn't hear from nobody promiscuous as couldn't explain, and mightn't +come rushing down to the cottage to know the rights of it and find the +gentleman there unexpected. If there's one thing I'm afeard of, it's a +quarrel between gentlemen in my house. So, doctor, for the love of +peace, don't you go anear the cottage. I'll tell you everything if you +listen to me." + +The doctor, who had snatched up his hat and made a rapid step towards +the door, came back and seized hold of his visitor's shoulder, all his +benignity having been put to flight by her unlooked-for revelation. +"Look here! I want the truth, and no gossip! What do you mean--what +gentleman? What is it all about?" cried Dr Rider, hoarse with sudden +passion. + +"Oh, bless you, doctor, don't blame it upon me, sir," cried Mrs Smith. +"It ain't neither my fault nor my business, but that you've always been +kind, and my heart warms to Miss. It's the gentleman from Australia as +has come and come again; and being an unmarried gentleman, and Miss--you +know what she is, sir--and I ask you, candid, Dr Rider, what was anybody +to suppose?" + +The doctor grew wildly red up to his hair. He bit his lips over some +furious words which Carlingford would have been horrified to hear, and +grasped Mrs Smith's shoulder with a closer pressure. "What did she tell +you?" said the doctor. "Let me have it word for word. Did she say she +was going away?--did she speak of this--this--fellow?" exclaimed the +doctor, with an adjective over which charity drops a tear. "Can't you +tell me without any supposes, what did she say?" + +"I'm not the woman to stand being shook--let me go this minute, sir," +cried Mrs Smith. "The Australian gentleman is a very nice-spoken civil +man, as was always very respectful to me. She came into my back-parlour, +doctor, if you will know so particular--all shining and flashing, like +as she does when something's happened. I don't make no doubt they had +been settling matters, them two, and so I told Smith. 'Mrs Smith,' said +Miss, in her hasty way, enough to catch your breath coming all of a +sudden, 'I can't stand this no longer--I shall have to go away--it ain't +no good resisting.' Them were her very words, Dr Rider. 'Get me out the +big boxes, please,' said Miss. 'It's best done quietly. You must take +your week's notice, Mrs Smith, from this day;' and with that she kept +moving about the room all in a flutter like, not able to rest. 'Do go +and get me out those boxes; there's always a ship on the 24th,' she +says, taking up my knitting and falling to work at it to keep her hands +steady. 'The day afore Christmas!' says I; 'and oh, Miss, it's running +in the face of Providence to sail at this time of the year. You'll have +dreadful weather, as sure as life.' You should have seen her, doctor! +She gave a sort of smile up at me, all flashing as if those eyes of her +were the sides of a lantern, and the light bursting out both there and +all over. 'All the better,' she says, as if she'd have liked to fight +the very wind and sea, and have her own way even there. Bless you, she's +dreadful for having her own way. A good easy gentleman now, as didn't +mind much--Dr Rider--Doctor!--you're not agoing, after all I've told +you? Doctor, doctor, I say----" + +But what Mrs Smith said was inaudible to Edward Rider. The door rang in +her ears as he dashed it after him, leaving her mistress of the field. +There, where he had once left Nettie, he now, all-forgetful of his usual +fastidious dislike of gossip, left Mrs Smith sole occupant of his most +private territories. At this unlooked-for crisis the doctor had neither +a word nor a moment to spend on any one. He rushed out of the house, +oblivious of all those professional necessities which limit the comings +and goings of a doctor in great practice; he did not even know what he +was going to do. Perhaps it was an anxious husband or father whom he all +but upset as he came out, with sudden impetuosity, into the unfrequented +street; but he did not stop to see. Pale and desperate, he faced the +cold wind which rushed up between the blank garden-walls of Grange Lane. +At Mr Wodehouse's door he stumbled against young Wentworth coming out, +and passed him with a muttered exclamation which startled the curate. +All the floating momentary jealousies of the past rushed back upon the +doctor's mind as he passed that tall figure in the wintry road: how he +had snatched Nettie from the vague kindnesses of the young clergyman--the +words he had addressed to her on this very road--the answer she had +given him once, which had driven him wild with passion and resentment. +Impossible! the Australian, it appeared, had found nothing impossible in +those circumstances in which Nettie had intrenched herself. Had the +doctor's wisdom been monstrous folly, and his prudence the blindest +shortsightedness? He asked himself the question as he rushed on towards +that lighted window shining far along the dark road--the same window +which he had seen Nettie's shadow cross, which had been opened to light +poor Fred upon the way he never could tread again. Within that jealous +blind, shining in that softened domestic light, what drama, murderous to +the doctor's peace, might be going on now? + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + +Nettie had taken her resolution all at once. Breathless in sudden +conviction, angry, heated, yet seeing in the midst of her excitement no +help but an immediate action, the hasty little woman had darted into the +heart of the difficulty at once. Every moment she lingered wore her out +and disgusted her more with the life and fate which, nevertheless, it +was impossible to abandon or shrink from. Nothing was so safe as to make +matters irrevocable--to plunge over the verge at once. All gleaming with +resolve and animation--with the frosty, chill, exhilarating air which +had kindled the colour in her cheeks and the light in her eyes--with +haste, resentment, every feeling that can quicken the heart and make the +pulses leap--Nettie had flashed into the little parlour, where all was +so quiet and leisurely. There Susan sat in close confabulation with the +Bushman. The children had been banished out of the room, because their +mother's head was not equal to their noise and restlessness. When they +came in with Nettie, as was inevitable, Mrs Fred sustained the invasion +with fretful looks and a certain peevish abstraction. She was evidently +interrupted by the rapid entrance, which was as unwelcome as it was +hasty. Cold though the night was, Mrs Fred, leaning back upon her sofa, +fanned her pink cheeks with her handkerchief, and looked annoyed as +well as disturbed when her children came trooping into the room clamorous +for tea behind the little impetuous figure which at once hushed and +protected them. Susan became silent all at once, sank back on the sofa, +and concealed the faded flush upon her cheeks and the embarrassed +conscious air she wore behind the handkerchief which she used so +assiduously. Neither she nor her visitor took much share in the +conversation that rose round the domestic table. Nettie, too, was +sufficiently absorbed in her own concerns to say little, and nobody +there was sufficiently observant to remark what a sudden breath of +haste and nervous decision inspired the little household ruler as she +dispensed the family bread-and-butter. When tea was over, Nettie sent +her children out of the way with peremptory distinctness, and stayed +behind them to make her communication. If she noticed vaguely a certain +confused impatience and desire to get rid of her in the looks of her +sister and the Australian, she attached no distinct meaning to it, but +spoke out with all the simplicity of an independent power, knowing all +authority and executive force to lie in her own hands alone. + +"When do you think you can be ready to start? My mind is made up. I +shall set to work immediately to prepare," said Nettie. "Now, look here, +Susan: you have been thinking of it for months, so it is not like taking +you by surprise. There is a ship that sails on the 24th. If everything +is packed and ready, will you consent to go on that day?" + +Mrs Fred started with unfeigned surprise, and, not without a little +consternation, turned her eyes towards her friend before answering her +sister. "It is just Nettie's way," cried Susan--"just how she always +does--holds out against you to the very last, and then turns round and +darts off before you can draw your breath. The 24th! and this is the +19th! Of course we can't do it, Nettie. I shall want quantities of +things, and Mr Chatham, you know, is not used to your ways, and can't +be whisked off in a moment whenever you please." + +"I daresay it's very kind of Mr Chatham," said Nettie; "but I can take +you out very well by myself--just as well as I brought you here. And +I can't afford to get you quantities of things, Susan. So please to +understand I am going off to pack up, and on the 24th we shall go." + +Once more, under Nettie's impatient eyes, a look and a smile passed +between her sister and the Australian. Never very patient at any time, +the girl was entirely aggravated out of all toleration now. + +"I can't tell what you may have to smile to each other about," said +Nettie. "It is no very smiling business to me. But since I am driven to +it, I shall go at once or not at all. And so that you understand me, +that is all I want to say." + +With which words she disappeared suddenly to the multitudinous work that +lay before her, thinking as little of Susan's opposition as of the +clamour raised by the children, when the hard sentence of going half +an hour earlier to bed was pronounced upon them. Nettie's haste and +peremptoriness were mixed, if it must be told, with a little resentment +against the world in general. She had ceased being sad--she was roused +and indignant. By the time she had subdued the refractory children, and +disposed of them for the night, those vast Australian boxes, which they +had brought with them across the seas, were placed in the little hall, +under the pale light of the lamp, ready for the process of packing, +into which Nettie plunged without a moment's interval. While Mrs Smith +told Edward Rider her story, Nettie was flying up and down stairs with +armfuls of things to be packed, and pressing Smith himself into her +service. Ere long the hall was piled with heaps of personal property, +ready to be transferred to those big receptacles. In the excitement of +the work her spirit rose. The headlong haste with which she carried on +her operations kept her mind in balance. Once or twice Susan peeped out +from the parlour door, and something like an echo of laughter rang out +into the hall after one of those inspections. Nettie took no notice +either of the look or the laugh. She built in those piles of baggage +with the rapidest symmetrical arrangement, to the admiration of Smith, +who stood wondering by, and did what he could to help her, with troubled +good-nature. She did not stop to make any sentimental reflections, or to +think of the thankless office in which she was about to confirm herself +beyond remedy by this sudden and precipitate step. Thinking had done +Nettie little good hitherto. She felt herself on her true ground again, +when she took to doing instead. The lamp burned dimly overhead, throwing +down a light confused with frost upon the hall, all encumbered with +the goods of the wandering family. Perhaps it was with a certain +unconscious symbolism that Nettie buried her own personal wardrobe +deep in the lowest depths, making that the foundation for all the after +superstructure. Smith stood by, ready to hand her anything she might +want, gazing at her with doubtful amazement. The idea of setting off to +Australia at a few days' notice filled him with respect and admiration. + +"A matter of a three months' voyage," said Smith; "and if I might make +bold to ask, Miss, if the weather ain't too bad for anything, how will +you pass away the time on board ship when there ain't nobody to speak +to?--but, to be sure, the gentleman----" + +"The gentleman is not going with us," said Nettie, peremptorily--"and +there are the children to pass away the time. My time passes too quick, +whatever other people's may do. Where is Mrs Smith, that I see nothing +of her to-night? Gone out!--how very odd she should go out now, of all +times in the world. Where has she gone, do you suppose? Not to be +ungrateful to you, who are very kind, a woman is, of course, twenty +times the use a man is, in most things. Thank you--not that; those +coloured frocks now--there! that bundle with the pink and the blue. One +would suppose that even a man might know coloured frocks when he saw +them," said Nettie, with despairing resignation, springing up from her +knees to seize what she wanted. "Thank you--I think, perhaps, if you +would just go and make yourself comfortable, and read your paper, I +should get on better. I am not used to having anybody to help me. I +got on quite as well, thank you, by myself." + +Smith withdrew, not without some confusion and discomfort, to his +condemned cell, and Nettie went on silent and swift with her labours. +"Quite as well! better!" said Nettie to herself. "Other people never +will understand. Now, I know better than to try anybody." If that hasty +breath was a sigh, there was little sound of sorrow in it. It was a +little gust of impatience, indignation, intolerance even, and hasty +self-assertion. She alone knew what she could do, and must do. Not one +other soul in the world beside could enter into her inevitable work and +way. + +Nettie did not hear the footstep which she might have recognised ringing +rapidly down the frosty road. She was too busy rustling about with +perpetual motion, folding and refolding, and smoothing into miraculous +compactness all the heterogeneous elements of that mass. When a sudden +knock came to the door she started, struck with alarm, then paused a +moment, looking round her, and perceiving at one hasty glance that nobody +could possibly enter without seeing both herself and her occupation, +made one prompt step to the door, which nobody appeared to open. It was +Mrs Smith, no doubt; but the sudden breathless flutter which came upon +Nettie cast doubts upon that rapid conclusion. She opened it quickly, +with a certain breathless, sudden promptitude, and looked out pale and +dauntless, understanding by instinct that some new trial to her fortitude +was there. On the other hand, Edward Rider pressed in suddenly, almost +without perceiving it was Nettie. They were both standing in the hall +together, before they fully recognised each other. Then the doctor, +gazing round him at the unusual confusion, gave an involuntary groan out +of the depths of his heart. "Then it is true!" said Dr Rider. He stood +among the chaos, and saw all his own dreams broken up and shattered in +pieces. Even passion failed him in that first bitterness of conviction. +Nettie stood opposite, with the sleeves of her black dress turned up +from her little white nimble wrists, her hair pushed back from her +cheeks, pushed quite behind one delicate ear, her eyes shining with all +those lights of energy and purpose which came to them as soon as she +took up her own character again. She met his eye with a little air of +defiance, involuntary, and almost unconscious. "It is quite true," said +Nettie, bursting forth in sudden self-justification; "I have my work to +do, and I must do it as best I can. I cannot keep considering you all, +and losing my life. I must do what God has given me to do, or I must +die." + +Never had Nettie been so near breaking down, and falling into sudden +womanish tears and despair. She would not yield to the overpowering +momentary passion. She clutched at the bundle of frocks again, and made +room for them spasmodically in the box which she had already packed. +Edward Rider stood silent, gazing at her as in her sudden anguish Nettie +pulled down and reconstructed that curious honeycomb. But he had not come +here merely to gaze, while the catastrophe was preparing. He went up and +seized her busy hands, raised her up in spite of her resistance, and +thrust away, with an exclamation of disgust, that great box in which all +his hopes were being packed away. "There is first a question to settle +between you and me," cried the doctor: "you shall not do it. No; I +forbid it, Nettie. Because you are wilful," cried Edward Rider, hoarse +and violent, grasping the hands tighter, with a strain in which other +passions than love mingled, "am I to give up all the rights of a man? +You are going away without even giving me just warning--without a word, +without a sign; and you think I will permit it, Nettie? Never--by +heaven!" + +"Dr Edward," said Nettie, trembling, half with terror, half with +resolution, "you have no authority over me. We are two people--we are +not one. I should not have gone away without a word or a sign. I should +have said good-bye to you, whatever had happened; but that is different +from permitting or forbidding. Let us say good-bye now and get it over, +if that will please you better," she cried, drawing her hands from his +grasp; "but I do not interfere with your business, and I must do mine my +own way." + +The doctor was in no mood to argue. He thrust the big box she had packed +away into a corner, and closed it with a vindictive clang. It gave him a +little room to move in that little commonplace hall, with its dim lamp, +which had witnessed so many of the most memorable scenes of his life. +"Look here," cried Dr Rider; "authority has little to do with it. If you +had been my wife, Nettie, to be sure you could not have deserted me. It +is as great a cruelty--it is as hard upon me, this you are trying to do. +I have submitted hitherto, and heaven knows it has been bitter enough; +and you scorn me for my submission," said the doctor, making the discovery +by instinct. "When a fellow obeys you, it is only contempt you feel for +him; but I tell you, Nettie, I will bear it no longer. You shall not go +away. This is not to be. I will neither say good-bye, nor think of it. +What is your business is my business; and I declare to you, you shall +not go unless I go too. Ah--I forgot. They tell me there is a fellow, an +Australian, who ventures to pretend--I don't mean to say I believe it. +You think _he_ will not object to your burdens! Nettie! Don't let us +kill each other. Let us take all the world on our shoulders," cried the +doctor, drawing near again, with passionate looks, "rather than part!" + +There was a pause--neither of them could speak at that moment. Nettie, +who felt her resolution going, her heart melting, yet knew she dared not +give way, clasped her hands tight in each other and stood trembling, +yet refusing to tremble; collecting her voice and thoughts. The doctor +occupied that moment of suspense in a way which might have looked +ludicrous in other circumstances, but was a relief to the passion that +possessed him. He dragged the other vast Australian box to the same +corner where he had set the first, and piled them one above the other. +Then he collected with awkward care all the heaps of garments which lay +about, and carried them off in the other direction to the stairs, where +he laid them carefully with a clumsy tenderness. When he had swept away +all these encumbrances, as by a sudden gust of wind, he came back to +Nettie, and once more clasped the firm hands which held each other fast. +She broke away from him with a sudden cry-- + +"You acknowledged it was impossible!" cried Nettie. "It is not my doing, +or anybody's; no one shall take the world on his shoulders for my sake--I +ask nobody to bear my burdens. Thank you for not believing it--that is a +comfort at least. Never, surely, any one else--and not you, not you! Dr +Edward, let us make an end of it. I will never consent to put my yoke +upon your shoulders, but I--I will never forget you or blame you--any +more. It is all hard, but we cannot help it. Good-bye--don't make it +harder, you, who are the only one that----; good-bye,--no more--don't +say any more." + +At this moment the parlour door opened suddenly; Nettie's trembling +mouth and frame, and the wild protest and contradiction which were +bursting from the lips of the doctor, were lost upon the spectator +absorbed in her own affairs, and full of excitement on her own account, +who looked out. "Perhaps Mr Edward will walk in," said Mrs Fred. "Now he +is here to witness what I mean, I should like to speak to you, please, +Nettie. I did not think I should ever appeal to you, Mr Edward, against +Nettie's wilfulness--but, really now, we, none of us, can put up with it +any longer. Please to walk in and hear what I've got to say." + +The big Bushman stood before the little fire in the parlour, extinguishing +its tiny glow with his vast shadow. The lamp burned dimly upon the table. +A certain air of confusion was in the room. Perhaps it was because +Nettie had already swept her own particular belongings out of that +apartment, which once, to the doctor's eyes, had breathed of her +presence in every corner--but it did not look like Nettie's parlour +to-night. Mrs Fred, with the broad white bands of her cap streaming over +her black dress, had just assumed her place on the sofa, which was her +domestic throne. Nettie, much startled and taken by surprise, stood +by the table, waiting with a certain air of wondering impatience what +was to be said to her--with still the sleeves turned up from her tiny +wrists, and her fingers unconsciously busy expressing her restless +intolerance of this delay by a hundred involuntary tricks and movements. +The doctor stood close by her, looking only at Nettie, watching her with +eyes intent as if she might suddenly disappear from under his very gaze. +As for the Australian, he stood uneasy under Nettie's rapid investigating +glance, and the slower survey which Dr Rider made on entering. He plucked +at his big beard, and spread out his large person with a confusion and +embarrassment rather more than merely belonged to the stranger in a +family party; while Mrs Fred, upon her sofa, took up her handkerchief +and once more began to fan her pink cheeks. What was coming? After a +moment's pause, upon which Nettie could scarcely keep herself from +breaking, Susan spoke. + +"Nettie has always had the upper hand so much that she thinks I am +always to do exactly as she pleases," burst forth Mrs Fred; "and I don't +doubt poor Fred encouraged her in it, because he felt he was obliged to +my family, and always gave in to her; but now I have somebody to stand +by me," added Susan, fanning still more violently, and with a sound in +her voice which betrayed a possibility of tears--"now I have somebody to +stand by me--I tell you once for all, Nettie, I will not go on the +24th." + +Nettie gazed at her sister in silence without attempting to say anything. +Then she lifted her eyes inquiringly to the Australian, in his uneasy +spectator position before the fire. She was not much discomposed, +evidently, by that sudden assertion of will--possibly Nettie was used to +it--but she looked curious and roused, and rather eager to know what was +it now? + +"I will not go on the 24th," cried Mrs Fred, with a hysterical toss of +her head. "I will not be treated like a child, and told to get ready +whenever Nettie pleases. She pretends it is all for our sake, but it is +for the sake of having her own will, and because she has taken a sudden +disgust at something. I asked you in, Mr Edward, because you are her +friend, and because you are the children's uncle, and ought to know how +they are provided for. Mr Chatham and I," said Susan, overcome by her +feelings, and agitating the handkerchief violently, "have settled--to +be--married first before we set out." + +If a shell had fallen in the peaceful apartment, the effect could not +have been more startling. The two who had been called in to receive +that intimation, and who up to this moment had been standing together +listening languidly enough, too much absorbed in the matter between +themselves to be very deeply concerned about anything Mrs Fred could say +or do, fell suddenly apart with the wildest amazement in their looks. +"Susan, you are mad!" cried Nettie, gazing aghast at her sister, with +an air of mingled astonishment and incredulity. The doctor, too much +excited to receive with ordinary decorum information so important, made +a sudden step up to the big embarrassed Australian, who stood before the +fire gazing into vacancy, and looking the very embodiment of conscious +awkwardness. Dr Rider stretched out both his hands and grasped the +gigantic fist of the Bushman with an effusion which took that worthy +altogether by surprise. "My dear fellow, I wish you joy--I wish you +joy. Anything I can be of use to you in, command me!" cried the doctor, +with a suppressed shout of half-incredulous triumph. Then he returned +restlessly towards Nettie--they all turned to her with instinctive +curiosity. Never in all her troubles had Nettie been so pale; she looked +in her sister's face with a kind of despair. + +"Is this _true_, Susan?" she said, with a sorrowful wonder as different +as possible from the doctor's joyful surprise--"not something said to +vex us--really true? And this has been going on, and I knew nothing of +it; and all this time you have been urging me to go back to the +colony--_me_--as if you had no other thoughts. If you had made up your +mind to this, what was the use of driving me desperate?" cried Nettie, +in a sudden outburst of that incomprehension which aches in generous +hearts. Then she stopped suddenly and looked from her sister, uttering +suppressed sobs, and hiding her face in her handkerchief on the sofa, +to the Australian before the fire. "What is the good of talking?" said +Nettie, with a certain indignant impatient indulgence, coming to an abrupt +conclusion. Nobody knew so well as she did how utterly useless it was to +remonstrate or complain. She dropt into the nearest chair, and began +with hasty tremulous hands to smooth down the cuffs of her black sleeves. +In the bitterness of the moment it was not the sudden deliverance, but +the heartlessness and domestic treachery that struck Nettie. She, the +champion and defender of this helpless family for years--who had given +them bread, and served it to them with her own cheerful unwearied +hands--who had protected as well as provided for them in her dauntless +innocence and youth. When she was thus cast off on the brink of the +costliest sacrifice of all, it was not the delightful sensation of +freedom which occurred to Nettie. She fell back with a silent pang of +injury swelling in her heart, and, all tremulous and hasty, gave her +agitated attention to the simple act of smoothing down her sleeves--a +simple but symbolical act, which conveyed a world of meaning to the mind +of the doctor as he stood watching her. The work she had meant to do was +over. Nettie's occupation was gone. With the next act of the domestic +drama she had nothing to do. For the first time in her life utterly +vanquished, with silent promptitude she abdicated on the instant. She +seemed unable to strike a blow for the leadership thus snatched from her +hands. With proud surprise and magnanimity she withdrew, forbearing even +the useless reproaches of which she had impatiently asked, "What was the +good?" Never abdicated emperor laid aside his robes with more ominous +significance, than Nettie, with fingers trembling between haste and +agitation, smoothed down round her shapely wrists those turned-up +sleeves. + +The doctor's better genius saved him from driving the indignant Titania +desperate at that critical moment by any ill-advised rejoicings; and the +sight of Nettie's agitation so far calmed Dr Rider that he made the most +sober and decorous congratulations to the sister-in-law, whom for the +first time he felt grateful to. Perhaps, had he been less absorbed in +his own affairs, he could scarcely have failed to remember how, not yet +a year ago, the shabby form of Fred lay on that same sofa from which +Susan had announced her new prospects; but in this unexampled revolution +of affairs no thought of Fred disturbed his brother, whose mind was +thoroughly occupied with the sudden tumult of his own hopes. "Oh yes, I +hope I shall be happy at last. After all my troubles, I have to look to +myself, Mr Edward; and your poor brother would have been the last to +blame me," sobbed Mrs Fred, with involuntary self-vindication. Then +followed a pause. The change was too sudden and extraordinary, and +involved results too deeply important to every individual present, to +make words possible. Mrs Fred, with her face buried in her handkerchief, +and Nettie, her whole frame thrilling with mortification and failure, +tremulously trying to button her sleeves, and bestowing her whole mind +upon that operation, were discouraging interlocutors; and after the +doctor and the Bushman had shaken hands, their powers of communication +were exhausted. The silence was at length broken by the Australian, who, +clearing his voice between every three words, delivered his embarrassed +sentiments as follows:-- + +"I trust, Miss Nettie, you'll not think you've been unfairly dealt by, +or that any change is necessary so far as you are concerned. Of course," +said Mr Chatham, growing red, and plucking at his beard, "neither your +sister nor I--found out--till quite lately--how things were going to be; +and as for you making any change in consequence, or thinking we could be +anything but glad to have you with us----" + +Here the alarming countenance of Nettie, who had left off buttoning her +sleeves, brought her new relation to a sudden stop. Under the blaze of +her inquiring eyes the Bushman could go no farther. He looked at Susan +for assistance, but Susan was still absorbed in her handkerchief; and +while he paused for expression, the little abdicated monarch took up the +broken thread. + +"Thank you," said Nettie, rising suddenly; "I knew you were honest. It +is very good of you, too, to be glad to have me with you. You don't know +any better. I'm abdicated, Mr Chatham; but because it's rather startling +to have one's business taken out of one's hands like this, it will be +very kind of everybody not to say anything more to-night. I don't quite +understand it all just at this moment. Good-night, Dr Edward. We can +talk to-morrow, please; not to-night. You surely understand me, don't +you? When one's life is changed all in a moment, one does not exactly +see where one is standing just at once. Good-night. I mean what I say," +she continued, holding her head high with restrained excitement, and +trying to conceal the nervous agitation which possessed her as the +doctor hastened before her to open the door. "Don't come after me, +please; don't say anything; I cannot bear any more to-night." + +"But to-morrow," said the doctor, holding fast the trembling hand. Nettie +was too much overstrained and excited to speak more. A single sudden sob +burst from her as she drew her hand out of his, and disappeared like a +flying sprite. The doctor saw the heaving of her breast, the height of +self-restraint which could go no further. He went back into the parlour +like a true lover, and spied no more upon Nettie's hour of weakness. +Without her, it looked a vulgar scene enough in that little sitting-room, +from which the smoke of Fred's pipe had never fairly disappeared, and +where Fred himself had lain in dismal state. Dr Rider said a hasty +good-night to Fred's successor, and went off hurriedly into the changed +world which surrounded that unconscious cottage. Though the frost had +not relaxed, and the air breathed no balm, no sudden leap from December +to June could have changed the atmosphere so entirely to the excited +wayfarer who traced back the joyful path towards the lights of Carlingford +twinkling brilliant through the Christmas frost. As he paused to look +back upon that house which now contained all his hopes, a sudden shadow +appeared at a lighted window, looking out. Nettie could not see the +owner of the footsteps which moved her to that sudden involuntary +expression of what was in her thoughts, but he could see her standing +full in the light, and the sight went to the doctor's heart. He took off +his hat insanely in the darkness and waved his hand to her, though she +could not see him; and, after the shadow had disappeared, continued to +stand watching with tender folly if perhaps some indication of Nettie's +presence might again reveal itself. He walked upon air as he went back, +at last, cold but joyful, through the blank solitude of Grange Lane. +Nothing could have come amiss to the doctor in that dawn of happiness. +He could have found it in his heart to mount his drag again and drive +ten miles in celestial patience at the call of any capricious invalid. +He was half-disappointed to find no summons awaiting him when he went +home--no outlet for the universal charity and loving-kindness that +possessed him. Instead, he set his easy-chair tenderly by the side of +the blazing fire, and, drawing another chair opposite, gazed with secret +smiles at the visionary Nettie, who once had taken up her position +there. Was it by prophetic instinct that the little colonial girl, whose +first appearance so discomposed the doctor, had assumed that place? +Dr Rider contemplated the empty chair with smiles that would have +compromised his character for sanity with any uninstructed observer. +When the mournful Mary disturbed his reverie by her noiseless and +penitent entrance with the little supper which she meant at once for +a peace-offering and compensation for the dinner lost, she carried +down-stairs with her a vivid impression that somebody had left her +master a fortune. Under such beatific circumstances closed the evening +that had opened amid such clouds. Henceforth, so far as the doctor could +read the future, no difficulties but those common to all wooers beset +the course of his true love. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + + +When the red gleams of the early sunshine shone into that window from +which Nettie had looked out last night, the wintry light came in with +agitating revelations not simply upon another morning, but upon a new +world. As usual, Nettie's thoughts were expressed in things tangible. +She had risen from her sleepless bed while it was still almost dark, and +to look at her now, a stranger might have supposed her to be proceeding +with her last night's work with the constancy of a monomaniac. Little +Freddy sat up in his crib rubbing his eyes and marvelling what Nettie +could be about, as indeed anybody might have marvelled. With all those +boxes and drawers about, and heaps of personal belongings, what was she +going to do? She could not have answered the question without pain; but +had you waited long enough, Nettie's object would have been apparent. +Not entirely free of that air of agitated haste--not recovered from the +excitement of this discovery, she was relieving her restless activity by +a significant rearrangement of all the possessions of the family. She +was separating with rapid fingers those stores which had hitherto lain +lovingly together common property. For the first time for years Nettie +had set herself to discriminate what belonged to herself from the general +store; and, perhaps by way of softening that disjunction, was separating +into harmonious order the little wardrobes which were no longer to be +under her charge. Freddy opened his eyes to see all his own special +belongings, articles which he recognised with all the tenacious +proprietorship of childhood, going into one little box by themselves in +dreadful isolation. The child did not know what horrible sentence might +have been passed upon him while he slept. He gazed at those swift +inexorable fingers with the gradual sob rising in his poor little breast. +That silent tempest heaved and rose as he saw all the well-known items +following each other; and when his last new acquisition, the latest +addition to his wardrobe, lay solemnly smoothed down upon the top, +Freddy's patience could bear no more. Bursting into a long howl of +affliction, he called aloud upon Nettie to explain that mystery. Was he +going to be sent away? Was some mysterious executioner, black man, or +other horrid vision of fate, coming for the victim? Freddy's appeal +roused from her work the abdicated family sovereign. "If I'm to be sent +away, I shan't go!" cried Freddy. "I'll run off and come back again. I +shan't go anywhere unless you go, Nettie. I'll hold on so fast, you can't +put me away; and, oh, I'll be good!--I'll be so good!" Nettie, who was +not much given to caresses, came up and put sudden arms round her special +nursling. She laid her cheek to his, with a little outbreak of natural +emotion. "It is I who am to be sent away!" cried Nettie, yielding for a +moment to the natural bitterness. Then she bethought herself of certain +thoughts of comfort which had not failed to interject themselves into +her heart, and withdrew with a little precipitation, alarmed by the +inconsistency--the insincerity of her feelings. "Get up, Freddy; you are +not going away, except home to the colony, where you want to go," she +said. "Be good, all the same; for you know you must not trouble mamma. +And make haste, and don't be always calling for Nettie. Don't you know +you must do without Nettie some time? Jump up, and be a man." + +"When I am a man, I shan't want you," said Freddy, getting up with +reluctance; "but I can't be a man now. And what am I to do with the +buttons if you won't help me? I shall not have buttons like those when +I am a man." + +It was not in human nature to refrain from giving the little savage an +admonitory shake. "That is all I am good for--nothing but buttons!" said +Nettie, with whimsical mortification. When they went down to breakfast, +she sent the child before her, and came last instead of first, waiting +till they were all assembled. Mrs Fred watched her advent with apprehensive +eyes. Thinking it over after her first triumph, it occurred to Mrs Fred +that the loss of Nettie would make a serious difference to her own +comfort. Who was to take charge of the children, and conduct those +vulgar affairs for which Susan's feelings disqualified her? She did her +best to decipher the pale face which appeared over the breakfast cups +and saucers opposite. What did Nettie mean to do? Susan revolved the +question in considerable panic, seeing but too clearly that the firm +little hand no longer trembled, and that Nettie was absorbed by her own +thoughts--thoughts with which her present companions had but little to +do. Mrs Fred essayed another stroke. + +"Perhaps I was hasty, Nettie, last night; but Richard, you know, poor +fellow," said Susan, "was not to be put off. It won't make any difference +between you and me, Nettie dear? We have always been so united, whatever +has happened; and the children are so fond of you; and as for me," +said Mrs Fred, putting back the strings of her cap, and pressing her +handkerchief upon her eyes, "with my health, and after all I have gone +through, how I could ever exist without you, I can't tell; and Richard +will be so pleased----" + +"I don't want to hear anything about Richard, please," said Nettie--"not +so far as I am concerned. I should have taken you out, and taken care of +you, had you chosen me; but you can't have two people, you know. One is +enough for anybody. Never mind what we are talking about, Freddy. It is +only your buttons--nothing else. As long as you were my business, I +should have scorned to complain," said Nettie, with a little quiver +of her lip. "Nothing would have made me forsake you, or leave you to +yourself; but now you are somebody else's business; and to speak of it +making no difference, and Richard being pleased, and so forth, as if +I had nothing else to do in the world, and wanted to go back to the +colony! It is simply not my business any longer," cried Nettie, rising +impatiently from her chair--"that is all that can be said. But I shan't +desert you till I deliver you over to my successor, Susan--don't fear." + +"Then you don't feel any love for us, Nettie! It was only because you +could not help it. Children, Nettie is going to leave us," said Mrs +Fred, in a lamentable voice. + +"Then who is to be instead of Nettie? Oh, look here--I know--it's +Chatham," said the little girl. + +"I hate Chatham," said Freddy, with a little shriek. "I shall go where +Nettie goes--all my things are in my box. Nettie is going to take me; +she loves me best of you all. I'll kick Chatham if he touches me." + +"Why can't some one tell Nettie she's to go too?" said the eldest boy. +"She's most good of all. What does Nettie want to go away for? But I +don't mind; for we have to do what Nettie tells us, and nobody cares +for Chatham," cried the sweet child, making a triumphant somersault out +of his chair. Nettie stood looking on, without attempting to stop the +tumult which arose. She left them with their mother, after a few minutes, +and went out to breathe the outside air, where at least there was quiet +and freedom. To think as she went out into the red morning sunshine +that her old life was over, made Nettie's head swim with bewildering +giddiness. She went up softly, like a creature in a dream, past St +Roque's, where already the Christmas decorators had begun their pretty +work--that work which, several ages ago, being yesterday, Nettie had +taken the children in to see. Of all things that had happened between +that moment and this, perhaps the impulse of escaping out into the open +air without anything to do, was one of the most miraculous. Insensibly +Nettie's footsteps quickened as she became aware of that extraordinary +fact. The hour, the temperature, the customs of her life, were equally +against such an indulgence. It was a comfort to recollect that, though +everything else in the universe was altered, the family must still have +some dinner, and that it was as easy to think while walking to the +butcher's as while idling and doing nothing. She went up, accordingly, +towards Grange Lane, in a kind of wistful solitude, drifted apart from +her former life, and not yet definitely attached to any other, feeling +as though the few passengers she met must perceive in her face that her +whole fortune was changed. It was hard for Nettie to realise that she +could do absolutely nothing at this moment, and still harder for her to +think that her fate lay undecided in Edward Rider's hands. Though she +had not a doubt of him, yet the mere fact that it was he who must take +the first step was somewhat galling to the pride and temper of the +little autocrat. Before she had reached the butcher, or even come near +enough to recognise Lucy Wodehouse, where she stood at the garden gate, +setting out for St Roque's, Nettie heard the headlong wheels of something +approaching which had not yet come in sight. She wound herself up in a +kind of nervous desperation for the encounter that was coming. No need +to warn her who it was. Nobody but the doctor flying upon wings of haste +and love could drive in that break-neck fashion down the respectable +streets of Carlingford. Here he came sweeping round that corner at the +Blue Boar, where Nettie herself had once mounted the drag, and plunged +down Grange Lane in a maze of speed which confused horse, vehicle, and +driver in one indistinct gleaming circle to the excited eyes of the +spectator, who forced herself to go on, facing them with an exertion +of all her powers, and strenuous resistance of the impulse to turn and +escape. Why should Nettie escape?--it must be decided one way or other. +She held on dimly with rapid trembling steps. To her own agitated mind, +Nettie, herself, left adrift and companionless, seemed the suitor. The +only remnants of her natural force that remained to her united in the +one resolution not to run away. + +It was well for the doctor that his little groom had the eyes and activity +of a monkey, and knew the exact moment at which to dart forward and +catch the reins which his master flung at him, almost without pausing in +his perilous career. The doctor made a leap out of the drag, which was +more like that of a mad adventurer than a man whose business it was to +keep other people's limbs in due repair. Before Nettie was aware that he +had stopped, he was by her side. + +"Dr Edward," she exclaimed, breathlessly, "hear me first! Now I am left +unrestrained, but I am not without resources. Don't think you are bound +in honour to say anything over again. What may have gone before I forget +now. I will not hold you to your word. You are not to have pity upon +me!" cried Nettie, not well aware what she was saying. The doctor drew +her arm into his; found out, sorely against her will, that she was +trembling, and held her fast, not without a sympathetic tremor in the +arm on which she was constrained to lean. + +"But I hold you to yours!" said the doctor; "there has not been any +obstacle between us for months but this; and now it is gone, do you +think I will forget what you have said, Nettie? You told me it was +impossible once----" + +"And you did not contradict me, Dr Edward," said the wilful creature, +withdrawing her hand from his arm. "I can walk very well by myself, +thank you. You did not contradict me! You were content to submit to what +could not be helped. And so am I. An obstacle which is only removed by +Richard Chatham," said Nettie, with female cruelty, turning her eyes +full and suddenly upon her unhappy lover, "does not count for much. I do +not hold you to anything. We are both free." + +What dismayed answer the doctor might have made to this heartless speech +can never be known. He was so entirely taken aback that he paused, +clearing his throat with but one amazed exclamation of her name; but +before his astonishment and indignation had shaped itself into words, +their interview was interrupted. An irregular patter of hasty little +steps, and outcries of a childish voice behind, had not caught the +attention of either in that moment of excitement; but just as Nettie +delivered this cruel outbreak of feminine pride and self-assertion, +the little pursuing figure made up to them, and plunged at her dress. +Freddy, in primitive unconcern for anybody but himself, rushed +head-foremost between these two at the critical instant. He made a +clutch at Nettie with one hand, and with all the force of the other +thrust away the astonished doctor. Freddy's errand was of life or death. + +"I shan't go with any one but Nettie," cried the child, clinging to her +dress. "I hate Chatham and everybody. I will jump into the sea and swim +back again. I will never, never leave go of her, if you should cut my +hands off. Nettie! Nettie!--take me with you. Let me go where you are +going! I will never be naughty any more! I will never, never go away +till Nettie goes! I love Nettie best! Go away, all of you!" cried Freddy, +in desperation, pushing off the doctor with hands and feet alike. "I +will stay with Nettie. Nobody loves Nettie but me." + +Nettie had no power left to resist this new assault. She dropped down +on one knee beside the child, and clasped him to her in a passion of +restrained tears and sobbing. The emotion which her pride would not +permit her to show before, the gathering agitation of the whole morning +broke forth at this irresistible touch. She held Freddy close and +supported herself by him, leaning all her troubled heart and trembling +frame upon the little figure which clung to her bewildered, suddenly +growing silent and afraid in that passionate grasp. Freddy spoke no +more, but turned his frightened eyes upon the doctor, trembling with the +great throbs of Nettie's breast. In the early wintry sunshine, on the +quiet rural highroad, that climax of the gathering emotion of years +befell Nettie. She could exercise no further self-control. She could +only hide her face, that no one might see, and close her quivering lips +tight that no one might hear the bursting forth of her heart. No one was +there either to hear or see--nobody but Edward Rider, who stood bending +with sorrowful tenderness over the wilful fairy creature, whose words of +defiance had scarcely died from her lips. It was Freddy, and not the +doctor, who had vanquished Nettie; but the insulted lover came in for +his revenge. Dr Rider raised her up quietly, asking no leave, and lifted +her into the drag, where Nettie had been before, and where Freddy, elated +and joyful, took his place beside the groom, convinced that he was to go +now with the only true guardian his little life had known. The doctor +drove down that familiar road as slowly as he had dashed furiously up to +it. He took quiet possession of the agitated trembling creature who had +carried her empire over herself too far. At last Nettie had broken down; +and now he had it all his own way. + +When they came to the cottage, Mrs Fred, whom excitement had raised to +a troublesome activity, came eagerly out to the door to see what had +happened; and the two children, who, emancipated from all control, were +sliding down the banisters of the stair, one after the other, in wild +glee and recklessness, paused in their dangerous amusement to watch the +new arrival. "Oh! look here; Nettie's crying!" said one to the other, +with calm observation. The words brought Nettie to herself. + +"I am not crying now," she said, waking into sudden strength. "Do you +want to get them killed before they go away, all you people? Susan, go +in, and never mind. I was not--not quite well out of doors; but I don't +mean to suffer this, you know, as long as I am beside them. Dr Edward, +come in. I have something to say to you. We have nowhere to speak to +each other but here," said Nettie, pausing in the little hall, from +which that childish tumult had died away in sudden awe of her presence; +"but we have spoken to each other here before now. I did not mean to +vex you then--at least, I did mean to vex you, but nothing more." Here +she paused with a sob, the echo of her past trouble breaking upon her +words, as happened from time to time, like the passion of a child; then +burst forth again a moment after in a sudden question. "Will you let me +have Freddy?" she cried, surrendering at discretion, and looking eagerly +up in the doctor's face; "if they will leave him, may I keep him with +me?" + +It is unnecessary to record the doctor's answer. He would have +swallowed not Fred only, but Mrs Fred and the entire family, had that +gulp been needful to satisfy Nettie, but was not sufficiently blinded +to his own interests to grant this except under certain conditions +satisfactory to himself. When the doctor mounted the drag again he +drove away into Elysium, with a smiling Cupid behind him, instead of +the little groom who had been his unconscious master's confidant so +long, and had watched the fluctuations of his wooing with such lively +curiosity. Those patients who had paid for Dr Rider's disappointments in +many a violent prescription, got compensation to-day in honeyed draughts +and hopeful prognostications. Wherever the doctor went he saw a vision +of that little drooping head, reposing, after all the agitation of the +morning, in the silence and rest he had enjoined, with brilliant eyes, +half-veiled, shining with thoughts in which he had the greatest share; +and, with that picture before his eyes, went flashing along the wintry +road with secret smiles, and carried hope wherever he went. Of course it +was the merest fallacy, so far as Nettie's immediate occupation was +concerned. That restless little woman had twenty times too much to +do to think of rest--more to do than ever in all the suddenly-changed +preparations which fell upon her busy hands. But the doctor kept his +imagination all the same, and pleased himself with thoughts of her +reposing in a visionary tranquillity, which, wherever it was to be +found, certainly did not exist in St Roque's Cottage, in that sudden +tumult of new events and hopes. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + + +"I always thought there was good in him by his looks," said Miss +Wodehouse, standing in the porch of St Roque's, after the wedding-party +had gone away. "To think he should have come in such a sweet way and +married Mrs Fred! just what we all were wishing for, if we could have +ventured to think it possible. Indeed, I should have liked to have given +Mr Chatham a little present, just to mark my sense of his goodness. Poor +man! I wonder if he repents----" + +"It is to be hoped not yet," said Lucy, hurrying her sister away before +Mr Wentworth could come out and join them; for affairs were seriously +compromised between the perpetual curate and the object of his affections; +and Lucy exhibited a certain acerbity under the circumstances which +somewhat amazed the tender-hearted old maid. + +"When people do repent, my belief is that they do it directly," said +Miss Wodehouse. "I daresay he can see what she is already, poor man; and +I hope, Lucy, it won't drive him into bad ways. As for Nettie, I am not +at all afraid about her. Even if they should happen to quarrel, you +know, things will always come right. I am glad they were not married +both at the same time. Nettie has such sense! and of course, though it +was the very best thing that could happen, and a great relief to everybody +concerned, to be sure, one could not help being disgusted with that +woman. And it is such a comfort they're going away. Nettie says----" + +"Don't you think you could walk a little quicker? there is somebody in +Grove Street that I have to see," said Lucy, not so much interested as +her sister; "and papa will be home at one to lunch." + +"Then I shall go on, dear, if you have no objection, and ask when the +doctor and Nettie are coming home," said Miss Wodehouse, "and take poor +little Freddy the cakes I promised him. Poor child! to have his mother +go off and marry and leave him. Never mind me, Lucy, dear; I do not walk +so quickly as you do, and besides I have to go home first for the +cakes." + +So saying the sisters separated; and Miss Wodehouse took her gentle +way to the doctor's house, where everything had been brightened up, and +where Freddy waited the return of his chosen guardians. It was still the +new quarter of Carlingford, a region of half-built streets, vulgar new +roads, and heaps of desolate brick and mortar. If the doctor had ever +hoped to succeed Dr Marjoribanks in his bowery retirement in Grange +Lane, that hope nowadays had receded into the darkest distance. The +little surgery round the corner still shed twinkles of red and blue +light across that desolate triangle of unbuilt ground upon the other +corner houses where dwelt people unknown to society in Carlingford, and +still Dr Rider consented to call himself M.R.C.S., and cultivate the +patients who were afraid of a physician. Miss Wodehouse went in at the +invitation of Mary to see the little drawing-room which the master of +the house had provided for his wife. It had been only an unfurnished +room in Dr Rider's bachelor days, and looked out upon nothing better +than these same new streets--the vulgar suburb which Carlingford +disowned. Miss Wodehouse lingered at the window with a little sigh over +the perversity of circumstances. If Miss Marjoribanks had only been +Nettie, or Nettie Miss Marjoribanks! If not only love and happiness, but +the old doctor's practice and savings, could but have been brought to +heap up the measure of the young doctor's good-fortune! What a pity that +one cannot have everything! The friendly visitor said so with a real +sigh as she went down-stairs after her inspection. If the young people +had but been settling in Grange Lane, in good society, and with Dr +Marjoribanks's practice, this marriage would have been perfection +indeed! + +But when the doctor brought Nettie home, and set her in that easy-chair +which her image had possessed so long, he saw few drawbacks at that moment +to the felicity of his lot. If there was one particular in which his sky +threatened clouds, it was not the want of Dr Marjoribanks's practice, +but the presence of that little interloper, whom the doctor in his +heart was apt to call by uncomplimentary names, and did not regard with +unmixed favour. But when Susan and her Australian were fairly gone, and +all fear of any invasion of the other imps--which Dr Rider inly dreaded +up to the last moment--was over, Freddy grew more and more tolerable. +Where Fred once lay and dozed, and filled the doctor's house with heavy +fumes and discreditable gossip, a burden on his brother's reluctant +hospitality, little Freddy now obliterated that dismal memory with +prayers and slumbers of childhood; and where the discontented doctor had +grumbled many a night and day over that bare habitation of his, which +was a house, and not a home, Nettie diffused herself till the familiar +happiness became so much a part of his belongings that the doctor +learned to grumble once more at the womanish accessories which he had +once missed so bitterly. And the little wayward heroine who, by dint +of hard labour and sacrifice, had triumphantly had her own way in St +Roque's Cottage, loved her own way still in the new house, and had it as +often as was good for her. But so far as this narrator knows, nothing +calling for special record has since appeared in the history of the +doctor's family, thus reorganised under happier auspices, and discharging +its duties, social and otherwise, though not exactly in society, to the +satisfaction and approval of the observant population of Carlingford. + + +THE END. + +PRINTED BY WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS, EDINBURGH. + + + + +TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE + + Contemporary spellings have been retained even when inconsistent or + unusual. A small number of obvious typographical errors have been + corrected, and missing punctuation has been silently added + + The following additional changes have been made: + + looked after the salvage man looked after the _savage_ man + + curiosity about that salvage man curiosity about that _savage_ man + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Doctor's Family, by Mrs. (Margaret) Oliphant + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DOCTOR'S FAMILY *** + +***** This file should be named 29890-8.txt or 29890-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/9/8/9/29890/ + +Produced by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Canada Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Doctor's Family + +Author: Mrs. (Margaret) Oliphant + +Release Date: September 2, 2009 [EBook #29890] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DOCTOR'S FAMILY *** + + + + +Produced by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Canada Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net + + + + + + +</pre> + +<hr class="full" /> + +<p> </p> + +<h2><i>Chronicles of Carlingford</i></h2> + +<p> </p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h1>THE DOCTOR'S FAMILY</h1> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h5>BY</h5> + +<p> </p> +<h2>MRS OLIPHANT</h2> + +<p> </p> + +<h6>NEW EDITION</h6> +<p> </p> +<h4>WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS</h4> +<h5>EDINBURGH AND LONDON</h5> + +<p> </p> + +<h3>CONTENTS</h3> +<div class="center"> +<table class="sm" style="margin: 0 auto" cellpadding="1" summary="Contents"> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><a href="#DOCTOR">THE DOCTOR'S FAMILY</a></td></tr> +<tr><td> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><a href="#CHAPTER_Ib">CHAPTER I.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><a href="#CHAPTER_IIb">CHAPTER II.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><a href="#CHAPTER_IIIb">CHAPTER III.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><a href="#CHAPTER_IVb">CHAPTER IV.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><a href="#CHAPTER_V">CHAPTER V.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><a href="#CHAPTER_VI">CHAPTER VI.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><a href="#CHAPTER_VII">CHAPTER VII.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><a href="#CHAPTER_VIII">CHAPTER VIII.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><a href="#CHAPTER_IX">CHAPTER IX.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><a href="#CHAPTER_X">CHAPTER X.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><a href="#CHAPTER_XI">CHAPTER XI.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><a href="#CHAPTER_XII">CHAPTER XII.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIII">CHAPTER XIII.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><a href="#CHAPTER_XIV">CHAPTER XIV.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><a href="#CHAPTER_XV">CHAPTER XV.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVI">CHAPTER XVI.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVII">CHAPTER XVII.</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align="left" valign="top"><a href="#CHAPTER_XVIII">CHAPTER XVIII.</a></td></tr> +</table> +</div> +<p> </p> + +<hr class="narrow" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3><i>Chronicles of Carlingford</i></h3> + +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> +<h2><a name="DOCTOR" id="DOCTOR">THE DOCTOR'S FAMILY</a></h2> +<p> </p> + +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_Ib" id="CHAPTER_Ib"></a>CHAPTER I.</h3> + +<p>Young Dr Rider lived in the new quarter of Carlingford: +had he aimed at a reputation in society, he could not possibly +have done a more foolish thing; but such was not his +leading motive. The young man, being but young, aimed +at a practice. He was not particular in the mean time as +to the streets in which his patients dwelt. A new house, +gazing with all its windows over a brick-field, was as interesting +to the young surgeon as if it had been one of those +exclusive houses in Grange Lane, where the aristocracy of +Carlingford lived retired within their garden walls. His +own establishment, though sufficiently comfortable, was of a +kind utterly to shock the feelings of the refined community: +a corner house, with a surgery round the corner, throwing +the gleam of its red lamp over all that chaotic district of +half-formed streets and full-developed brick-fields, with its +night-bell prominent, and young Rider's name on a staring +brass plate, with mysterious initials after it. M.R.C.S. the +unhappy young man had been seduced to put after his +name upon that brass plate, though he was really Dr Rider, a +physician, if not an experienced one. Friends had advised +him that in such districts people were afraid of physicians, +associating only with dread adumbrations of a guinea a visit +that miscomprehended name; so, with a pang, the young +surgeon had put his degree in his pocket, and put up with +the inferior distinction. Of course, Dr Marjoribanks had +all the patronage of Grange Lane. The great people were +infatuated about that snuffy old Scotchman—a man behind +his day, who had rusted and grown old among the soft diseases +of Carlingford, where sharp practice was so seldom +necessary; and no opening appeared for young Rider except +in the new district, in the smug corner house, with the +surgery and the red lamp, and M.R.C.S. on a brass plate on +his door.</p> + +<p>If you can imagine that the young man bowed his spirit +to this without a struggle, you do the poor young fellow +injustice. He had been hard enough put to it at divers +periods of his life. Ambition had not been possible for him +either in one shape or another. Some people said he had a +vulgar mind when he subsided into that house; other people +declared him a shabby fellow when he found out, after the +hardest night's thought he ever went through in his life, +that he durst not ask Bessie Christian to marry him. You +don't suppose that he did not know in his secret heart, and +feel tingling through every vein, those words which nobody +ever said to his face? But he could not help it. He +could only make an indignant gulp of his resentment and +shame, which were shame and resentment at himself for +wanting the courage to dare everything, as well as at other +people for finding him out, and go on with his work as he +best could. He was not a hero nor a martyr; men made of +that stuff have large compensations. He was an ordinary +individual, with no sublimity in him, and no compensation +to speak of for his sufferings—no consciousness of lofty +right-doing, or of a course of action superior to the world.</p> + +<p>Perhaps you would prefer to go up-stairs and see for +yourself what was the skeleton in Edward Rider's cupboard, +rather than have it described to you. His drag came to +the door an hour ago, and he went off with Care sitting +behind him, and a certain angry pang aching in his heart, +which perhaps Bessie Christian's wedding-veil, seen far off +in church yesterday, might have something to do with. +His looks were rather black as he twitched the reins out of +his little groom's hands, and went off at a startling pace, +which was almost the only consolation the young fellow +had. Now that he is certainly gone, and the coast clear, +we may go up-stairs. It is true he all but kicked the +curate down for taking a similar liberty, but we who are +less visible may venture while he is away.</p> + +<p>This skeleton is not in a cupboard. It is in an up-stairs +room, comfortable enough, but heated, close, unwholesome—a +place from which, even when the window is open, +the fresh air seems shut out. There is no fresh air nor +current of life in this stifling place. There is a fire, though +it is not cold—a sofa near the fire—a sickening heavy +smell of abiding tobacco—not light whiffs of smoke, such +as accompany a man's labours, but a dead pall of idle heavy +vapour; and in the midst of all a man stretched lazily on +the sofa, with his pipe laid on the table beside him, and a +book in his soft, boneless, nerveless hands. A large man, +interpenetrated with smoke and idleness and a certain +dreary sodden dissipation, heated yet unexcited, reading a +novel he has read half-a-dozen times before. He turns his +bemused eyes to the door when his invisible visitors enter. +He fancies he hears some one coming, but will not take the +trouble to rise and see who is there—so, instead of that +exertion, he takes up his pipe, knocks the ashes out of it +upon his book, fills it with coarse tobacco, and stretches his +long arm over the shoulder of the sofa for a light. His +feet are in slippers, his person clothed in a greasy old coat, +his linen soiled and untidy. That is the skeleton in young +Rider's house.</p> + +<p>The servants, you may be sure, knew all about this +unwelcome visitor. They went with bottles and jugs +secretly to bring him what he wanted; they went to the +circulating library for him; they let him in when he had +been out in the twilight all shabby and slovenly. They +would not be human if they did not talk about him. They +say he is very good-natured, poor gentleman—always has a +pleasant word—is nobody's enemy but his own; and to see +how "the doctor do look at him, and he his own brother +as was brought up with him," is dreadful, to be sure.</p> + +<p>All this young Rider takes silently, never saying a word +about it to any human creature. He seems to know by +intuition what all these people say of him, as he drives +about furiously in his drag from patient to patient; and +wherever he goes, as plain, nay, far more distinctly than +the actual prospect before him, he sees that sofa, that dusty +slow-burning fire—that pipe, with the little heap of ashes +knocked out of it upon the table—that wasted ruined life +chafing him to desperation with its dismal content. It is +very true that it would have been sadly imprudent of the +young man to go to the little house in Grove Street a year +ago, and tell Bessie Christian he was very fond of her, and +that somehow for her love he would manage to provide for +those old people whom that cheerful little woman toiled to +maintain. It was a thing not to be done in any way you +could contemplate it; and with a heartache the poor young +doctor had turned his horse's head away from Grove Street, +and left Bessie to toil on in her poverty. Bessie had +escaped all that nowadays; but who could have forewarned +the poor doctor that his elder brother, once the hope of the +family—that clever Fred, whom all the others had been +postponed to—he who with his evil reputation had driven +poor Edward out of his first practice, and sent him to begin +life a second time at Carlingford—was to drop listlessly +in again, and lay a harder burden than a harmless old +father-in-law upon the young man's hands—a burden which +no grateful Bessie shared and sweetened? No wonder +black Care sat at the young doctor's back as he drove at +that dangerous pace through the new, encumbered streets. +He might have broken his neck over those heaps of brick +and mortar, and it is doubtful whether he would have +greatly cared.</p> + +<p>When Dr Rider went home that night, the first sight he +saw when he pulled up at his own door was his brother's +large indolent shabby figure prowling up the street. In the +temper he was then in, this was not likely to soothe him. +It was not a much-frequented street, but the young doctor +knew instinctively that his visitor had been away in the +heart of the town at the booksellers' shops buying cheap +novels, and ordering them magnificently to be sent to Dr +Rider's; and could guess the curious questions and large +answers which had followed. He sprang to the ground +with a painful suppressed indignation, intensified by many +mingled feelings, and waited the arrival of the maudlin +wanderer. Ah me! one might have had some consolation +in the burden freely undertaken for love's sake, and by love's +self shared and lightened: but this load of disgrace and ruin +which nobody could take part of—which it was misery so +much as to think that anybody knew of—the doctor's fraternal +sentiments, blunted by absence and injury, were not +strong enough to bear that weight.</p> + +<p>"So, Fred, you have been out," said Dr Rider, moodily, +as he stood aside on his own threshold to let his brother +pass in—not with the courtesy of a host, but the precaution +of a jailer, to see him safe before he himself entered and +closed the door.</p> + +<p>"Yes, you can't expect a man to sit in the house for +ever," said the prodigal, stumbling in to his brother's favourite +sitting-room, where everything was tidy and comfortable +for the brief leisure of the hard-working man. The man +who did no work threw himself heavily into the doctor's +easy-chair, and rolled his bemused eyes round upon his +brother's household gods. Those book-shelves with a bust +at either corner, those red curtains drawn across the window, +those prints on the walls—all once so pleasant to the doctor's +eyes—took a certain air of squalor and wretchedness to-night +which sickened him to look at. The lamp flared wildly +with an untrimmed wick, or at least Dr Rider thought so; +and threw a hideous profile of the intruder upon the wall +behind him. The hearth was cold, with that chill, of sentiment +rather than reality, naturally belonging to a summer +night. Instead of a familiar place where rest and tranquillity +awaited him, that room, the only vision of home which +the poor young fellow possessed, hardened into four walls, +and so many chairs and tables, in the doctor's troubled +eyes.</p> + +<p>But it bore a different aspect in the eyes of his maudlin +brother. Looking round with those bewildered orbs, all this +appeared luxury to the wanderer. Mentally he appraised +the prints over the mantelshelf, and reckoned how much of +<i>his</i> luxuries might be purchased out of them. That was all +so much money wasted by the Crœsus before him. What +a mint of money the fellow must be making; and grudged +a little comfort to his brother, his elder brother, the cleverest +of the family! The dull exasperation of selfishness +woke in the mind of the self-ruined man!</p> + +<p>"You're snug enough here," he exclaimed, "though you +shut me in up-stairs to burrow out of sight. By Jove! as +if I were not good enough to face your Carlingford patients. +I've had a better practice in my day than ever you'll see, +my fine fellow, with your beggarly M.R.C.S. And you'd +have me shut myself up in my garret into the bargain! +You're ashamed of me, forsooth! You can go spending +money on that rubbish there, and can't pay a tailor's bill +for your elder brother; and as for introducing me in this +wretched hole of a place, and letting me pick up a little +money for myself—I, a man with twice the experience in +the profession that you have<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>"Fred, stop that," cried the doctor—"I've had about +enough. Look here—I can't deny you shelter and what +you call necessaries, because you're my brother; but I won't +submit to be ruined a second time by any man. If I am +ever to do any good in this world—and whether I do any +good or not," he added fiercely, "I'll not have my good +name tarnished and my work interfered with <i>again</i>. I +don't care two straws for my life. It's hard enough—as +hard as a treadmill, and never a drop of consolation in the +cup; though I might have had that if I had been anything +but a fool. But look here, I do care for my practice—I +won't have you put your confounded spoke in my wheel +again. Keep on in your own way; smoke and drink and +dream if you will; but I'll stand no interference with my +work—and that I tell you once for all."</p> + +<p>This speech was uttered with great vehemence, the speaker +walking up and down the room all the while. The bitterness +of ingratitude and malice had entered into the young +man's soul. All the wrongs which the clever elder brother, +to whose claims everybody else was subordinated, had done +to his family, rose upon the recollection of the younger; all +the still bitterer sting of that injury which had been personal +to himself; all the burden and peril of this present undesired +visit, the discontent, the threats, the evident power +of doing evil, woke the temper and spirit of the young doctor. +It was not Fred's fault that his brother had made that +mistake in life which he repented so bitterly. Bessie Christian's +bridal veil, and white ribbons; her joyful face untouched +with any pensive reminiscences; and the dead +dulness of that house, into which foot of woman never entered, +were not of Fred's doing; but passion is not reasonable. +The doctor gave Fred credit unconsciously for the +whole. He walked up and down the room with a whole +world of passionate mortified feeling—vexation, almost despair, +throbbing within him. He seemed to have made a +vast sacrifice for the sake of this brother who scorned him +to his face.</p> + +<p>"You're hot," said the disreputable figure in Dr Rider's +easy-chair, "much hotter than there's any occasion for. Do +I envy you your beggarly patients, do you suppose? But, +Ned, you never were cut out for the profession—a good +shopkeeping business would have been a deal better for you. +Hang it! you haven't the notions of a gentleman. You +think bread and water is all you're bound to furnish your +brother when he is under a cloud. As for society, I never +see a soul—not even yourself, though you're no great company. +Look here—I am not unreasonable; order in some +supper—there's a good fellow—and let's have a comfortable +evening together. You're not the man you used to be, Ned. +You used to be a fellow of spirit; somebody's jilted you, or +something—I don't want to pry into your secrets; but let's +have a little comfort for once in a way, and you shall have +the whole business about the old colony, and how I came to +leave it—the truth, and nothing but the truth."</p> + +<p>It was some time before the victim yielded; at last, half +to escape the painful ferment of his own thoughts, and half +with a natural yearning for some sympathy and companionship, +however uncongenial, he fell out of his heat and passion +into a more complacent mood. He sat down, watching +with a gulp of hardly-restrained disgust that lolling figure +in the chair, every gesture of which was the more distasteful +for being so familiar, and recalling a hundred preliminary +scenes all tending towards this total wreck and shame. +Then his mind softened with fraternal instincts—strange +interlacement of loathing and affection. He was tired, +hungry, chilled to his heart. The spell of material comfort, +even in such company, came upon the young man. They +supped together, not much to the advantage of Dr Rider's +head, stomach, or temper, on the following morning. The +elder told his story of inevitable failure, and strange unexplainable +fatality. The younger dropped forth expressions +of disappointment and trouble which partly eased his own +mind. Thus they spent together the unlovely evening; +and perhaps a few such nights would have done as much +harm to the young doctor's practice as had he introduced +his disreputable brother without more ado into the particular +little world of Carlingford.</p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_IIb" id="CHAPTER_IIb"></a>CHAPTER II.</h3> + +<p>Next morning Dr Rider rose mightily vexed with himself, +as was to be supposed. He was half an hour late for breakfast: +he had a headache, his hand shook, and his temper was +"awful." Before he was dressed, ominous knocks came to +the door; and all feverish and troubled as he was, you may +imagine that the prospect of the day's work before him did +not improve his feelings, and that self-reproach, direst of +tormentors, did not mend the matter. Two ladies were +waiting for him, he was told when he went down-stairs—not +to say sundry notes and messages in the ordinary way of +business—two ladies who had brought two boxes with them, +and asked leave to put them in the hall till they could see +Dr Rider. The sight of this luggage in his little hall startled +the doctor. Patients do not generally carry such things +about with them. What did it mean? What could two +ladies want with him? The young man felt his face burn +with painful anticipations, a little shame, and much impatience. +Probably the sister who adored Fred, and never +could learn to believe that he was not unfortunate and a victim. +This would be a climax to the occupation of his house.</p> + +<p>As the poor doctor gloomily approached the door of the +room in which he had spent last evening, he heard a little +rustle and commotion not quite consistent with his expectations—a +hum of voices and soft stir such as youthful womankind +only makes. Then a voice entirely strange to him +uttered an exclamation. Involuntarily he started and +changed his aspect. He did not know the voice, but it was +young, sweet, peculiar. The cloud lightened a little upon +the doctor's face. Notwithstanding Bessie Christian, he was +still young enough to feel a little flutter of curiosity when +he heard such a voice sounding out of his room. Hark! what +did she say? It was a profoundly prosaic speech.</p> + +<p>"What an intolerable smell of smoke! I shouldn't +wonder a bit—indeed, I rather think he must be, or he wouldn't +live in a place like this—if he were exactly such another as +Fred."</p> + +<p>"Poor Fred!" said a plaintive voice, "if we only can +learn where he is. Hush, there is a footstep! Ah, it is not +my poor fellow's footstep! Nettie, hark!"</p> + +<p>"No, indeed! twenty thousand times sharper, and more +like a man," said the other, in hurried breathless accents. +"Hark! here he is."</p> + +<p>The entire bewilderment, the amaze, apprehension, confusion +with which Dr Rider entered the room from which +this scrap of conversation reached him, is indescribable. +A dreadful sense that something was about to happen +seized the young man's mind with an indescribable curiosity. +He paused an instant to recover himself, and then went +boldly and silently into the room which had become mysterious +through its new inmates. They both turned round +upon him as he entered. Two young women: one who +had been sitting at the table, looking faded, plaintive, and +anxious, rose up suddenly, and, clasping her hands, as if in +entreaty, fixed two bright but sunken eyes upon his face. +The other, a younger, lighter figure, all action and haste, +interposed between him and her companion. She put up +one hand in warning to the petitioner behind her, and +one to call the attention of the bewildered stranger before. +Evidently the one thing which alarmed this young lady was +that somebody would speak before her, and the conduct of +the <i>situation</i> be taken out of her hands. She was little, very +slight, very pretty, but her prettiness was peculiar. The +young doctor, accustomed to the fair Saxon version of +beauty given by Bessie Christian, did not at the first glance +believe that the wonderful little person before him possessed +any; for she was not only slender, but <i>thin</i>, dark, eager, +impetuous, with blazing black eyes and red lips, and nothing +else notable about her. So he thought, gazing fascinated, +yet not altogether attracted—scarcely sure that he was not +repelled—unable, however, to withdraw his eyes from that +hurried, eager little figure. Nothing in the least like her +had ever yet appeared before Dr Rider's eyes.</p> + +<p>"We want to inquire about your brother," said the little +stranger; "we know this was to be his address, and we want +to know whether he is living here. His letters were to be +sent to your care; but my sister has not heard from him now +for a year."</p> + +<p>"Never mind that!—never mind telling that, Nettie," +cried the other behind her. "Oh, sir! only tell me where +my poor Fred is?"</p> + +<p>"So she began to fear he was ill," resumed the younger +of the two, undauntedly; "though Susan will do nothing +but praise him, he has behaved to her very shamefully. Do +you happen to know, sir, where he is?"</p> + +<p>"Did you say Fred—my brother Fred?" cried the poor +young doctor in utter dismay; "and may I ask who it is that +expresses so much interest in him?"</p> + +<p>There was a momentary pause; the two women exchanged +looks. "I told you so," cried the eager little spokeswoman. +"He never has let his friends know; he was afraid of that. +I told you how it was. This," she continued, with a little +tragic air, stretching out her arm to her sister, and facing +the doctor—"this is Mrs Frederick Rider, or rather Mrs +Rider, I should say, as he is the eldest of the family! Now +will you please to tell us where he is?"</p> + +<p>The doctor made no immediate answer. He gazed past +the speaker to the faded woman behind, and exclaimed, with +a kind of groan, "Fred's wife!"</p> + +<p>"Yes, Fred's wife," cried the poor creature, rushing forward +to him; "and oh! where is he? I've come thousands +of miles to hear. Is he ill? has anything happened to him? +Where is Fred?"</p> + +<p>"Susan, you are not able to manage this; leave it to me," +said her sister, drawing her back peremptorily. "Dr Rider, +please to answer us. We know you well enough, though +you don't seem ever to have heard of us. It was you that +my brother-in-law gave up his business to before he came +out to the colony. Oh, we know all about it! To keep +him separate from his wife cannot do you any benefit, +Dr Edward. Yes, I know your name, and all about it; +and I don't mean indeed to suffer my sister to be injured +and kept from her husband. I have come all this way +with her to take care of her. I mean to stay with her to +take care of her. I have not parted with my money, +though she gave all hers away; and I mean to see her +have her rights."</p> + +<p>"Oh, Nettie, Nettie, how you talk!" cried the unfortunate +wife. "You keep him from answering me. All +this time I cannot hear—where is Fred?"</p> + +<p>"Be seated, please," said the doctor, with dreadful civility, +"and compose yourselves. Fred is well enough; as +well as he ever is. I don't know," added poor Rider, with +irrestrainable bitterness, "whether he is quite presentable +to ladies; but I presume, madam, if you're his wife, you're +acquainted with his habits. Excuse me for being quite +unprepared for such a visit. I have not much leisure for +anything out of my profession. I can scarcely spare these +minutes, that is the truth; but if you will favour me with a +few particulars, I will have the news conveyed to my +brother. I—I beg your pardon. When a man finds he has +new relations he never dreamed of, it naturally embarrasses +him at the moment. May I ask if you ladies have come +from Australia alone?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, not alone; the children are at the hotel. Nettie +said it was no use coming unless we all came," said his +new sister-in-law, with a half-sob.</p> + +<p>"The children!" Dr Rider's gasp of dismay was silent, +and made no sound. He stood staring blankly at those +wonderful invaders of his bachelor house, marvelling what +was to be done with them in the first place. Was he to +bring Fred down all slovenly and half-awakened? was he +to leave them in possession of his private sanctuary? The +precious morning moments were passing while he pondered, +and his little groom fidgeted outside with a message for +the doctor. While he stood irresolute, the indefatigable +Nettie once more darted forward.</p> + +<p>"Give me Fred's address, please," said this managing +woman. "I'll see him, and prepare him for meeting +Susan. He can say what he pleases to me; <i>I</i> don't mind +it in the very least; but Susan of course must be taken +care of. Now, look here, Dr Edward; Susan is your +sister-in-law, and I am her sister. We don't want to +occupy your time. I can manage everything; but it is +quite necessary in the first place that you should confide +in me."</p> + +<p>"Confide!" cried the bewildered man. "Fred is not +under my authority. He is here in my house much against +my will. He is in bed, and not fit to be awakened; and +I am obliged to tell you simply, ladies," said the unfortunate +doctor, "that my house has no accommodation for a +family. If you will go back to the hotel where you left +the children"—and here the speaker gave another gasp of +horror—"I'll have him roused and sent to you. It is the +only thing I can do."</p> + +<p>"Susan can go," said the prompt Nettie; "I'll stay here +until Fred is ready, and take him to see them. It is +necessary he should be prepared, you know. Don't talk +nonsense, Susan—I shall stay here, and Dr Rider, of +course, will call a cab for you."</p> + +<p>"But Nettie, Nettie dear, it isn't proper. I can't leave +you all by yourself in a strange house," remonstrated her +sister.</p> + +<p>"Don't talk such stuff; I am perfectly well able to take +care of myself; I am not a London young lady," said +the courageous Nettie. "It is perfectly unnecessary to say +another word to me—I know my duty—I shall stay here."</p> + +<p>With which speech she seated herself resolutely in that +same easy-chair which Fred had lolled in last night, took +off her bonnet, for hats were not in these days, and shed +off from her face, with two tiny hands, exquisite in shape +if a little brown in colour, the great braids of dark-brown +silky hair which encumbered her little head. The gesture +mollified Dr Rider in the most unaccountable way in spite +of himself. The intolerable idea of leaving these two in +his house became less intolerable, he could not tell how. +And the little groom outside fairly knocked at the door +in that softening moment with a message which could be +delayed no longer. The doctor put his head out to receive +the call, and looked in again perplexed and uncertain. +Nettie had quite established herself in the easy-chair. +She sat there looking with her bright eyes into the vacant +air before her, in a pretty attitude of determination and +readiness, beating her little foot on the carpet. Something +whimsical, odd, and embarrassing about her position +made it all the more piquant to the troubled eyes which, +in spite of all their worldly wisdom, were still the eyes of +a young man. He could not tell in the world what to say +to her. To order that creature out of his house was simply +impossible; to remain there was equally so; to leave them +in possession of the field—what could the unfortunate +young doctor do? One thing was certain, the impatient +patient could no longer be neglected; and after a few +minutes longer of bewildered uncertainty, Dr Rider went +off in the wildest confusion of mind, leaving his brother's +unknown family triumphant in his invaded house.</p> + +<p>To describe the feelings with which the unfortunate +doctor went fasting about his day's work—the manner in +which that scene returned to him after every visit he made—the +continual succession in which wrath, dismay, alarm, +bitter disgust with the falsehood of the brother who, no +further gone than last night, had pretended to confide in +him, but never breathed a syllable of this biggest unconcealable +secret, swept through the mind of the victim; +all culminating, however, in the softening of that moment, +in the tiny figure, indomitable elf or fairy, shedding back +with dainty fingers those soft abundant locks—would be +impossible. The young man got through his work somehow, +in a maze of confusion and excitement—angry +excitement, indignant confusion, determination to yield nothing +further, but to defend himself and his house once for all +from the inroads of what he angrily pronounced in his own +mind "another man's family"—yet, withal, of curiosity and +interest which gave zest greater than usual to the idea of +going home. When he was able at last to turn his horse's +head towards his own dwelling, it was with feelings very +different from the usual unexpecting blank of sullen displeasure. +What he should find there, was a curious, exciting, +alarming question; perhaps an entire nursery with +Nettie in charge; perhaps a recusant husband with Nettie +mounting guard over him; perhaps a thrilling scene of +family explanation and reconciliation. The day had been +a specially long and hard one. He had been obliged to +snatch a hurried lunch at one of his patients' houses, and +to postpone his hard-earned dinner to the most fashionable +of hours. It was indeed quite evening, almost twilight, +when he made his way home at last. As he neared the +scene of action, the tired man condoled with himself over +the untimely excitement that awaited him. He said to +himself with pathetic self-pity that it was hard indeed for +a man who had earned a little repose to go in upon all the +troubles of another man's family. He had denied himself—he +had not undertaken upon his own shoulders that +pleasing burden; and now what was he to be saddled with?—the +burden without the consolation—the responsibility +without the companionship. All this Dr Rider represented +to himself very pathetically as he wended his homeward +way. Yet it is astonishing, notwithstanding, with what +alacrity he hastened upon that path, and how much the +curiosity, the excitement, the dramatic stir and commotion +made in his monotonous life by this entirely new unexpected +incident, occupied his mind. With expectations +highly roused, he drew up once more before his own house. +It was surprising to him to see how exactly it looked like +itself. The blinds half-drawn down in the genteelest calm +as they always were—no faces peeping at the windows—no +marks of an arrival on the pavement, or in the composed +countenance of Mary, who stood holding the door open +for him. He went in with a little thrill of curiosity; the +house was very quiet—dead-quiet in comparison with the +commotion of his thoughts; so was the sitting-room where +he had left Nettie resolutely planted in the easy-chair; +there was nobody there now; the boxes were out of the +hall, not a sound was to be heard in the house. He turned +rather blankly upon Mary, who was going away quite composedly, +as if there was nothing which she wanted to tell or +he to hear.</p> + +<p>"Where is my brother and the ladies?" said the amazed +doctor.</p> + +<p>"They all went off to the 'otel, sir, as soon as Mr Rider +came down-stairs," said Mary, complacently. "I assured +Miss as it was the best thing she could do, sir, for that I +was 'most sure you'd never have the children here,—as to +be sure there wasn't no room neither," said the doctor's factotum. +"As soon as Mr Frederick came down, she called +a cab, did Miss, and took 'em both away."</p> + +<p>"Oh! so they're gone, are they?" said the doctor.</p> + +<p>"Hours and hours ago," answered Mary; "dinner 'll be +up in two minutes. But I wouldn't say much for the potatoes, +sir. When a gentleman's irreg'lar, it's hard laws on +the poor servants—nothink will keep, going on for two +hours, and not take no harm; but all's quiet and comfortable +in your room."</p> + +<p>And with this assurance, which she evidently thought a +very grateful one, Mary went off to get the doctor's dinner. +He walked to the end of the room, and then back again, +with solemnity—then threw himself into that easy-chair. +"Blessed riddance!" said the doctor; but somehow he +looked glum, wonderfully glum. There was no accounting +for those blank looks of his; he who had been condoling +with himself over the exciting scene he expected, so uncomfortable +a conclusion to a long day's labour, how was it he +did not look relieved when that scene was spared him? To +tell the truth, when one has been expecting something to +happen, of whatever description, and has been preparing +one's courage, one's temper, one's fortitude, in anticipatory +rehearsals—when one has placed one's self in the attitude +of a martyr, and prepared to meet with fiery trials—it is +mortifying, to say the least, when one finds all the necessities +of the case disappear, and the mildest calm replace that +tragical anticipation: the quiet falls blank upon the excited +fancy. Of course Dr Rider was relieved; but it was +with something mightily like disappointment that he leant +back in his chair and knitted his brows at the opposite wall. +Not for the world would he have acknowledged himself to +be disappointed; but the calm was wonderfully monotonous +after all those expectations. He was never so bored +and sick of a night by himself. He tried to read, but reading +did not occupy his mind. He grew furious over his +charred chops and sodden potatoes. As for the tea Mary +brought, he would have gladly pitched it at her by way of +diversifying that blank evening with an incident. The +contrast between what he had looked for and what he had, +was wonderful. How delicious this stillness should have +been, this consciousness of having his house to himself, +and nobody to interrupt his brief repose! But somehow it +appears that human nature takes best with not having +its wishes granted. It is indescribable how Dr Rider +yawned—how dull he found his newspaper—how few +books worth reading there were in the house—how slow +the minutes ran on. If somebody had chosen to be ill +that night, of all nights the best for such a purpose, the +doctor would not have objected to such an interruption. +Failing that, he went to bed early, dreadfully tired of his +own society. Such were the wonderful results of that invasion +so much dreaded, and that retreat so much hoped +for. Perhaps his own society had never in his life been so +distasteful to him before.</p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_IIIb" id="CHAPTER_IIIb"></a>CHAPTER III.</h3> + +<p>Next day Dr Rider audibly congratulated himself at breakfast +upon having once more his house to himself—audibly, +as if it were really necessary to give utterance to the thought +before he could quite feel its force. A week before, if Fred +had departed, however summarily, there can be no doubt +that his brother's feelings of relief and comfort would have +been unfeigned; now, however, he began to think the matter +over, and to justify to himself his extraordinary sense +of disappointment. As he poured out his own coffee with +a sober face, his eye rested upon that easy-chair which had +been brought into such prominence in the history of the last +two days. He kept looking at it as he sipped that gloomy +coffee. Fred had faded from the great chair; his big image +threw no shadow upon it. There sat a little fairy queen, +tiny as Titania, but dark as an elf of the East, putting up +those two shapely tiny hands, brown and beautiful, to push +aside the flood of hair, which certainly would have veiled +her little figure all over, the doctor thought, had it been let +down. Wonderful little sprite! She, no doubt, had +dragged her plaintive sister over the seas—she it was that +had forced her way into Edward Rider's house; taken her +position in it, ousted the doctor; and she doubtless it was +who swept the husband and wife out of it again, leaving +no trace behind. Waking up from a little trance of musing +upon this too interesting subject, Dr Rider suddenly +raised himself into an erect position, body and mind, with +an involuntary movement, as if to shake off the yoke of the +enchantress. He reminded himself instinctively of his +brother's falsehood and ingratitude. After throwing himself +a most distasteful burden on Edward's charity for five +long dreary months, the bugbear of the doctor's dreams, +and heavy ever-recurring climax of his uncomfortable +thoughts, here had Fred departed without a word of +explanation or thanks, or even without saying good-bye. The +doctor thought himself quite justified in being angry. He +began to feel that the suspicious uneasiness which possessed +him was equally natural and inevitable. Such a thankless, +heartless departure was enough to put any man out. To +imagine that Fred could be capable of it, naturally went +to his brother's heart.</p> + +<p>That day there was still no word of the party who had +disappeared so mysteriously out of the doctor's house. +Dr Rider went to his hard day's work vaguely expectant, +feeling sure he must hear of them somehow, and more +interested in hearing of them than was to be expected +from his former low ebb of fraternal affection. When he +returned and found still no letter, no message, the blank +disappointment of the former night closed still more +blankly upon him. When one is all by one's self, and +has nothing at best but an easy-chair to go home to, and +goes home expecting a letter, or a message, or a visitor +who has not arrived, and has no chance of arriving, the +revulsion of feeling is not agreeable. It did not improve +the doctor's temper in the first place. The chill loneliness +of that trim room, with its drawn curtains and tidy +pretence of being comfortable, exasperated him beyond +bearing. He felt shut up in it, and yet would not leave +it. Somebody certainly might come even to-night. Fred +himself perhaps, if he could escape from the rigid guardianship +he was under; or was that miraculous Australian +Nettie a little witch, who had spirited the whole party +in a nutshell over the seas? Never was man delivered +from a burden with a worse grace than was Dr Rider; +and the matter had not mended in these twenty-four +hours.</p> + +<p>Next morning, however, this fever of fraternal suspense +was assuaged. A three-cornered note, addressed in an odd +feminine hand, very thin, small, and rapid, came among +Dr Rider's letters. He signalled it out by instinct, and +opened it with an impatience wonderful to behold.</p> + +<p>"<span class="smallcaps">Sir</span>,—We are all at the Blue Boar until we can get +lodgings, which I hope to be to-day. I am utterly +ashamed of Fred for not having let you know, and indeed +of myself for trusting to him. I should not wonder +but we may have been under a mistake about him and +you. If you could call about one, I should most likely +be in to see you, and perhaps you could give me your +advice about the lodgings. Neither of <i>them</i> have the least +judgment in such matters. I am sorry to trouble you; +but being a stranger, perhaps you will excuse me. I +understand you are only at home in the evening, and that +is just the time I can't come out, as I have the whole of +them to look to, which is the reason I ask you to call on +me. Begging you will pardon me, I remain,</p> + +<p class="right">"<span class="smallcaps">Nettie Underwood</span>."</p> + +<p>"She remains Nettie Underwood," said the doctor, unawares. +He laughed to himself at that conclusion. Then +an odd gleam came across his face. It was probably the +first time he had laughed in a natural fashion for some +months back, and the unusual exertion made his cheeks +tingle. His temper was improved that morning. He +went off to his patients almost in a good humour. When +he passed the great house where Bessie Christian now +reigned, he recalled her image with a positive effort. +Astonishing what an effect of distance had floated over the +apparition of that bride. Was it a year since he saw her +and gnashed his teeth at the thought of his own folly, or +was it only last Sunday? The doctor could not tell. He +put Nettie's note in his pocket-book, and was at the hotel +door punctually at one o'clock. It was in the principal +street of Carlingford, George Street, where all the best +shops, and indeed some of the best houses, were. From +the corner window of the hotel you could see down into +the bowery seclusion of Grange Lane, and Mr Wodehouse's +famous apple-trees holding tempting clusters over the high +wall. The prospect was very different from that which +extended before Dr Rider's window. Instinctively he +marvelled within himself whether, if Dr Marjoribanks +were to die—people cannot live for ever even in Carlingford—whether +it might not be a disadvantage to a man +to live so far out of the world. No doubt it was a temptation +of the Evil One. Happily the young man did not +take sufficient time to answer himself, but walked forward +briskly through the mazy old passages of the old inn, to a +room from which sundry noises issued. Dr Rider walked +in with the natural confidence of a man who has an appointment. +The room was in undisturbed possession of +three children—three children making noise enough for +six—all very small, very precocious, with staring round +eyes and the most complete independence of speech and +manners. The doctor confronted the little rabble thunderstruck; +they were his brother's children, unrecognisable +little savages as they were. One little fellow, in a linen +pinafore, was mounted on the arm of a sofa, spurring +vigorously; another was pursuing his sister about the +room, trying to catch her feet with the tongs, and filling +the air with repeated loud snaps of disappointment. They +intermitted their occupations to stare at him. "Look here—here's +a man," said the youngest, meditatively, beholding +his dismayed uncle with a philosophic eye. "Can't some +one go and tell Nettie?" said the little girl, gazing also +with calm equanimity. "If he wants Nettie he'll have to +wait," said the elder boy. A pause followed; the unhappy +doctor stood transfixed by the steady stare of their three +pair of eyes. Suddenly the little girl burst out of the +room, and ran screaming along the passage. "Mamma, +mamma, here's a man come," cried the wonderful colonial +child. A few minutes afterwards their mother appeared, +languid and faded as before. Perhaps she had been even +prettier than Nettie in her bright days, if any days had +ever been bright for Fred Rider's wife. She was fairer, +larger, smoother than her sister; but these advantages +had lapsed in a general fade, which transformed her colour +into washy pinkness, made her figure stoop, and her footsteps +drag. She came remonstrating all the way in feeble +accents. It was not for her, certainly, that the doctor had +taken the trouble to come to the Blue Boar.</p> + +<p>"Please to sit down," said Mrs Fred, and stood leaning +on the table, looking at her brother-in-law with a calm +curiosity, not unlike that of her children. "Nettie and +my husband have gone out together; but now that we are +all so happy and united," she continued, with a sort of +feeble spitefulness, "I am sure it is quite a pity to trouble +you. You could not take us in, you know. You said +that very plain, Mr Edward."</p> + +<p>"It was perfectly true, madam," said the doctor. "I +have not ventured on the step my brother has taken, and +have naturally no accommodation for a family. But I am +not here for my own pleasure. Your sister, I presume it +is, wrote to me. I was requested to call here to-day."</p> + +<p>"Oh, yes; Nettie is very self-willed—very; though, of +course, we could not get on without her. She attacked +Fred like a wild-cat for not writing you: but I daresay, +if the truth were known, you did not expect to hear from +my husband," said the wife, recovering her voice, and +fixing a vindictive gaze upon her visitor, who felt himself +betrayed.</p> + +<p>"I came by Miss Underwood's instructions and at her +request," said the unfortunate man. "We need not enter +into any question between Fred and myself."</p> + +<p>"Ah, yes, that is very safe and wise for you," laughed +Fred's wife.</p> + +<p>The doctor was deeply exasperated, as was only natural: +he eyed the feeble helpless creature for a moment angrily, +provoked to answer her; but his gaze became one of +wonder and dismay ere he withdrew it. Surely of all +incomprehensible entities, the most amazing is a fool—a +creature insensate, unreasoning, whom neither argument +nor fact can make any impression upon. Appalled and +impressed, the doctor's gaze left that pretty faded face to +turn upon the children. Dreadful imps! If Fred had +only taken to evil ways after he became possessed of such +a family, his brother could have forgiven him. While +these thoughts passed through Dr Rider's mind, however, +deliverance approached. He heard Nettie's voice in the +passage, long before she reached the door. Not that it was +loud like the voices of this dreadful household; but the +tone was sufficiently peculiar to be recognised anywhere. +With a most penetrating clearness, it came through the +long passages, words inaudible, only the sound of a voice, +rapid, breathless, decided—with the distant sound of +Fred's long, shambling, uncertain footsteps coming in as +the strange accompaniment. Then they entered the room—the +one tiny, bright, dauntless, an intrepid, undiscourageable +little soul; the other with his heavy large limbs, his +bemused face, his air of hopeless failure, idleness, content. +Edward Rider gazed involuntarily from one to another of +this two. He saw the sprite place herself between the +husband and wife, a vain little Quixote, balancing these +extremes of helplessness and ruin. He could not help +looking at her with a certain unconscious admiration and +amazement, as he might have looked at a forlorn hope. +Thousands of miles away from her friends, wherever and +whatever they might be, with Fred and his wife and +children on her hands, a household of incapables—what +was that little creature to do?</p> + +<p>"Good morning, Dr Edward," said Nettie. "I thought +I should have been back sooner; but Fred is so slow, I +cannot manage to get him along at all. We have found +some lodgings a little way out of Carlingford, near that +chapel, you know, or church, or something, that stands a +little off the road: where it's open, and there's morning +service, and such a handsome young clergyman. Who is +he? We went into the chapel, and it's so fine, you would +not believe it. Well, just a hundred yards from there is +the house. Four rooms, exactly what I wanted, with a +garden for the children to play in—quite quiet, and fresh +and pleasant. Tell me who the people are—their name +is Smith. If they're respectable, I'll go back and take it. +I can afford the rent."</p> + +<p>"Near St Roque's? They belong to the church there. +I daresay they are all right," said the doctor, "but it is a +long way off, and inconvenient, and<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>"That is just why I want it," said Nettie. "We never +were used to conveniences, and none of us want to be +much in the town, so far as I know. It is the very +thing. Why has not lunch come up?—what do these +people mean, Susan, by not attending to their orders? +Ring the bell, Freddy—ring loud; and after lunch, as +your drag is at the door, Dr Edward, you'll drive me down +to this place again, that I may secure it, won't you? I +want to have a talk with you besides.—Lunch, please, +immediately. I ordered it to be ready at one—now it is +half-past. We can't have our time wasted this way.—Dr +Edward, please, you'll stay."</p> + +<p>The doctor gazed with ever-increasing amazement at the +little speaker. Nobody else had spoken a word. Fred had +nodded to him sullenly. Fred's wife had sunk back on the +sofa—everybody seemed to recognise Nettie as supreme. +He hesitated, it must be confessed, to put his grievances so +entirely aside as to sit down in perfect amity with Fred and +his household; but to refuse to drive Nettie to St Roque's +was impossible. The blood rushed to the doctor's face at +the thought. What the world of Carlingford would say to +see his well-known vehicle proceeding down Grange Lane, +through Dr Marjoribanks's territories, under such circumstances, +was a question he did not choose to consider; +neither did he enter too minutely into the special moment +at which his next patient might be expecting him. The +young man was under the spell, and did not struggle against +it. He yielded to the invitation, which was a command. +He drew near the table at which Nettie, without hesitation, +took the presiding place. A dull amount of conversation, +often interrupted by that lively little woman, rose in the +uncongenial party. Nettie cut up the meat for those staring +imps of children—did them all up in snowy napkins—kept +them silent and in order. She regulated what Susan +was to have, and which things were best for Fred. She +appealed to Dr Edward perpetually, taking him into her +confidence in a way which could not fail to be flattering to +that young man, and actually reduced to the calmness of +an ordinary friendly party this circle so full of smouldering +elements of commotion. Through all she was so dainty, so +pretty, her rapid fingers so shapely, her eager talk so sweet-toned, +that it was beyond the power of mortal man to +remain uninterested. It was a development of womankind +unknown to Dr Rider. Bessie Christian had exhausted +the race for him until now; but Nettie was a thousand +times more piquant than Bessie Christian. He gazed and +wondered, and moralised secretly in his own mind, what +was to become of the girl?—what could she do?</p> + +<p>"You have left some of your things at my house, Fred," +said the doctor, making an attempt to approach his sullen +brother, who evidently expected no overtures of friendship.</p> + +<p>"Yes. Mrs Rider, you see, arrived unexpectedly," said +Fred, with confusion—"in fact, I knew nothing about it, +or—or I should have told you—Nettie<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>"Nettie thought it best to come off at once, without +writing," explained Fred's wife.</p> + +<p>"What was the use of writing?" cried that little person. +"You had written to Fred for six months without ever +getting an answer. You made everybody unhappy round +you with your fears and troubles about him. I knew perfectly +he was quite well and enjoying himself; but, of +course, Susan would not be convinced. So what was there +for it but bringing her away? What else could I do, Dr +Edward? And to leave the children would have been preposterous. +In the first place, I should have been miserable +about them; and so, as soon as she found Fred was all +right, would Susan: and something would certainly have +happened—scarlet fever or something—and at the end of +all I should have had to go out again to fetch them. So the +shortest way was to bring them at once. Don't you think +so? And to see us all here so comfortable, I am sure is +enough to repay any one for the trouble. Fred, don't drink +any more beer."</p> + +<p>Nettie put out her tiny hand as she spoke to arrest the +bottle. Fred stared at her with a dull red flush on his +face; but he gave in, in the most inexplicable way; it +seemed a matter of course to yield to Nettie. The doctor's +amazement began to be mingled with amusement. To see +how she managed them all was worth the sacrifice of a +little time—unconsciously he became more fraternal in his +thoughts. He spoke to foolish faded Mrs Fred with a +total forgiveness and forgetfulness of her spiteful speech. +He hoped she would like Carlingford; he said something +to the children. But it was not easy to talk in presence of +that amazing family party, the existence of which he had +not dreamed of a few days ago. To see his brother at the +head of such a group had, in spite of himself, a wonderful +effect upon Dr Rider. Their children, of course, must be +supported somehow. Who was to do it? Was their +father, grown incapable and useless in the middle of his +days, to be forced into the current of life again? Was it a +vague faith in Providence which had brought the helpless +household here; or was it a more distinct, if not so elevated, +confidence in Nettie? The doctor's heart sank once more +within him as he looked round the table. Three helpless +by nature—two equally helpless who ought in nature to +have been the support of the whole—nothing but one +bright ready little spirit between them all and destitution; +and what could Nettie do to stave that wolf from the +door? Once more Dr Rider's countenance fell. If the +household broke down in its attempt at independence, who +had they to turn to but himself?—such a prospect was not +comfortable. When a man works himself to death for his +own family, he takes the pleasure with the pain; but when +another's family threatens to fall upon his hands, the +prospect is naturally appalling—and even if Fred could do +anything, what was Fred's life, undermined by evil habit, +to depend upon? Silence once more fell over the little +company—silence from all but Nettie and the children, +who referred to her naturally instead of to their mother. +Fred was sullen, and his wife took her cue from him. +Edward was uneasy and dismayed. Family parties suddenly +assembled without due warning are seldom greatly +successful; and even Nettie could not make immediate +reconciliation and fraternal kindness out of this.</p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_IVb" id="CHAPTER_IVb"></a>CHAPTER IV.</h3> + +<p>"Take me down this long pretty road. There must be delicious +houses inside the walls. Look here; drive slowly, +and let us have a peep in at this open door," said Nettie. +"How sweet and cosy! and who is that pretty young lady +coming out? I saw her in the chapel this morning. Oh," +added Nettie, with a little sharpness, "she knows <i>you</i>—tell +me who she is."</p> + +<p>"That is Miss Lucy Wodehouse—one of our Carlingford +beauties," said Dr Rider.</p> + +<p>"Do you know her very well?" asked the inquisitive +Nettie. "How she stares—why does she stare, do you +suppose? Is there anything absurd about my dress? +Look here—don't they wear bonnets just like this in +England?"</p> + +<p>"So far as I am able to judge," said the doctor, looking +at the tiny head overladen with hair, from which the bonnet +had fallen half off.</p> + +<p>"I suppose she is surprised to see me here. Drive on +faster, Dr Edward, I want to talk to you. I see Fred has +been telling us a parcel of stories. It would be cruel to tell +Susan, you know, for she believes in him; but you may quite +trust me. Is your brother good for anything, Dr Edward, +do you suppose?"</p> + +<p>"Not very much now, I fear," said the doctor.</p> + +<p>"Not very much <i>now</i>. I suppose he never was good for +much," said the indignant Nettie; "but he was said to be +very clever when he first came out to the colony. I can't +tell why Susan married him. She is very self-willed, though +you would fancy her so submissive. She is one of those +people, you know, who fall ill when they are crossed, and +threaten to die, so that one daren't cross her. Now, then, +what is to be done with them? He will not go back to the +colony, and I don't care to do it myself. Must I keep them +here?"</p> + +<p>"Miss Underwood<span class="norewrap">——</span>" began the perplexed doctor.</p> + +<p>"It would save trouble to call me Nettie—everybody +does," said his strange companion; "besides, you are my +brother in a kind of a way, and the only person I can consult +with; for, of course, it would not do to tell one's difficulties +to strangers. Fred may not be very much to depend +upon, you know, but still he is Fred."</p> + +<p>"Yes," said the doctor, with a little self-reproach, "still +he is Fred; but pardon me, the name suggests long aggravations. +You can't tell how often I have had to put up with +affronts and injuries because it was Fred. I shouldn't like +to grieve you<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>"Never mind about grieving me;—<i>I</i> am not in love with +him;—let me hear all about it!" said Nettie.</p> + +<p>Dr Rider paused a little; seeing the abyss upon the brink +of which this brave little girl was standing, he had not the +heart to aggravate her by telling the failures of the past. +Better to soften the inevitable discovery if possible. But +his hesitation was quite apparent to Nettie. With considerable +impatience she turned round upon him.</p> + +<p>"If you think I don't know what I am doing, but have +gone into this business like a fool, you are quite mistaken, +Dr Edward," she said, a little sharply. "I see how it is as +well as anybody can do. I knew how it was when I left the +colony. Don't be alarmed about me. Do you think I am +to be turned against my own flesh and blood by finding out +their follies; or to grumble at the place God put me in?—Nothing +of the sort! I know the kind of situation perfectly—but +one <i>may</i> make the best of it, you know: and for that +reason tell me everything, please."</p> + +<p>"But, Miss Underwood, consider," cried the doctor, in consternation. +"You are taking responsibilities upon yourself +which nobody could lay upon you; you! young—tender" +(the doctor paused for a word, afraid to be too complimentary)—"delicate! +Why, the whole burden of this family +will come upon you. There is not one able to help himself +in the whole bundle! I am shocked!—I am alarmed!—I +don't know what to say to you<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>"Don't say anything, please," said Nettie. "I know what +I am about. Do you call this a street or a lane, or what do +you call it? Oh, such nice houses! shouldn't I like to be +able to afford to have one of them, and nurses, and governesses, +and everything proper for the children! I should like +to dress them so nicely, and give them such a good education. +I don't know anything particular to speak of, myself—I shall +never be able to teach them when they grow older. If Fred, +now, was only to be trusted, and would go and work like a +man and make something for the children, I daresay I could +keep up the house;—but if he won't do anything, you know, +it will take us every farthing just to live. Look here, Dr +Edward: I have two hundred a-year;—Susan had the +same, you know, but Fred got all the money when they were +married, and muddled it away. Now, how much can one +do in Carlingford with three children upon two hundred +a-year?"</p> + +<p>"Fred will be the meanest blackguard in existence," cried +the doctor, "if he takes his living from you."</p> + +<p>"He took his living from <i>you</i>, it appears," said Nettie, +coolly, "and did not thank you much. We must make +the best of him. We can't help ourselves. Now, there +is the pretty church, and there is our little house. Come +in with me and answer for me, Dr Edward. You can say +I am your sister-in-law, you know, and then, perhaps, we +can get into possession at once; for," said Nettie, suddenly +turning round upon the doctor with her brilliant eyes shining +out quaintly under the little brow all puckered into curves +of foresight, "it is so sadly expensive living where we are +now."</p> + +<p>To look at the creature thus flashing those shining eyes, +not without a smile lurking in their depths, upon him—to +see the triumphant, undaunted, undoubting youthfulness +which never dreamt of failure—to note that pretty anxiety, +the look which might have become a bride in her first troubles +"playing at housekeeping," and think how desperate +was the position she had assumed, how dreary the burden +she had taken upon her—was almost too much for the doctor's +self-control. He did not know whether to admire the +little heroine as half-divine, or to turn from her as half-crazy. +Probably, had the strange little spirit possessed a different +frame, the latter was the sentiment which would have influenced +the unimaginative mind of Edward Rider. But there +was no resisting that little brown Titania, with her little +head overladen with its beautiful hair, her red, delicate +mouth closing firm and sweet above that little decided chin, +her eyes which seemed to concentrate the light. She seemed +only a featherweight when the bewildered doctor helped her +to alight—an undoubted sprite and creature of romance. +But to hear her arranging about all the domestic necessities +within, and disclosing her future plans for the children, and +all the order of that life of which she took the charge so unhesitatingly, +bewildered the mistress of the house as much +as it did the wondering doctor. The two together stood +gazing at her as she moved about the room, pouring forth +floods of eager talk. Her words were almost as rapid as her +step,—her foot, light as it was, almost as decided and firm +as her resolutions. She was a wonder to behold as she +pushed about the furniture, and considered how it could be +brightened up and made more comfortable. Gazing at her +with his silent lips apart, Dr Rider sighed at the word. +Comfortable! Was she to give her mind to making Fred +and his children comfortable—such a creature as this? Involuntarily +it occurred to Edward that, under such ministrations, +sundry changes might come over the aspect of that +prim apartment in which he had seen her first; the room +with the bookcase and the red curtains, and the prints over +the mantelpiece—a very tidy, comfortable room before any +bewitching imp came to haunt it, and whisper suspicions +of its imperfection—the doctor's own retirement, where he +had chewed the cud of sweet and bitter fancies often enough, +without much thought of his surroundings. But Nettie now +had taken possession of the prosaic place, and, all unconscious +of that spiritual occupation, was as busy and as excited +about Mrs Smith's lodgings at St Roque's Cottage as if +it were an ideal home she was preparing, and the life to be +lived in it was the brightest and most hopeful in the world.</p> + +<p>When Dr Rider reached home that night, and took his +lonely meal in his lonely room, certain bitter thoughts of +unequal fortune occupied the young man's mind. Let a +fellow be but useless, thankless, and heartless enough, and +people spring up on all sides to do his work for him, said +the doctor to himself, with a bitterness as natural as it was +untrue. The more worthless a fellow is, the more all the +women connected with him cling to him and make excuses +for him, said Edward Rider in his indignant heart. Mother +and sister in the past—wife and Nettie now—to think how +Fred had secured for himself such perpetual ministrations, +by neglecting all the duties of life! No wonder an indignant +pang transfixed the lonely bosom of the virtuous doctor, +solitary and unconsoled as he was. <i>His</i> laborious days +knew no such solace. And as he fretted and pondered, no +visions of Bessie Christian perplexed his thoughts. He had +forgotten that young woman. All his mind was fully occupied +chafing at the sacrifice of Nettie. He was not sorry, +he was angry, to think of her odd position, and the duties +she had taken upon herself. What had she to do with +those wretched children, and that faded spiteful mother? +Edward Rider was supremely disgusted. He said to himself, +with the highest moral indignation, that such a girl +ought not to be permitted to tie herself to such a fate.</p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_V" id="CHAPTER_V"></a>CHAPTER V.</h3> + +<p>St Roque's Cottage was considered rather a triumph of +local architecture. A Carlingford artist had built it "after" +the Church, which was one of Gilbert Scott's churches, and +perfect in its way, so that its Gothic qualities were unquestionable. +The only thing wanting was size, which was certainly +an unfortunate defect, and made this adaptation of +ecclesiastical architecture to domestic purposes a very doubtful +experiment. However, in bright sunshine, when the +abundance of light neutralised the want of window, all was +well, and there was still abundance of sunshine in Carlingford +in October, three months after the entrance of Fred +Rider and his family into Mrs Smith's little rooms. It was +a bright autumn day, still mild, though with a crispness in +the air, the late season showing more in the destitution of +the flower-borders than in any more sensible sign. It was +a pretty spot enough for a roadside. St Roque's stood on +the edge of a little common, over which, at the other margin, +you could see some white cottages, natural to the soil, in a +little hamlet-cluster, dropped along the edge of the grey-green +unequal grass; while between the church and the cottage +ran the merest shadow of a brook, just enough to give +place and nutriment to three willow-trees which had been +the feature of the scene before St Roque's was, and which +now greatly helped the composition of the little landscape, +and harmonised the new building with the old soil. St +Roque's Cottage, by special intervention of Mr Wentworth, +the perpetual curate, had dropped no intervening wall between +its garden and those trees; but, not without many +fears, had contented itself with a wooden paling on the side +nearest the willows. Consequently, the slope of grass at +that side, which Mrs Smith was too prudent to plant with +anything that could be abstracted, was a pretty slope with +the irregular willow shadows swept over it, thin, but still +presenting a pale obstruction to the flood of sunshine on +this special afternoon. There a little group was collected, in +full enjoyment of the warmth and the light. Mrs Rider, +still faded, but no longer travel-worn, sat farther up in the +garden, on the green bench, which had been softened with +cushions for her use, leisurely working at some piece of +needlework, in lonely possession of the chrysanthemums and +Michaelmas daisies round her; while on the grass, dropped +over with yellow flecks of willow-leaves, lightly loosened +by every passing touch of wind, sat Nettie, all brown and +bright, working with the most rapid fingers at a child's +frock, and "minding" with a corner of her eye the possessor +of the same, the tiny Freddy, an imp of mischief uncontrollable +by other hand or look than hers. A little lower +down, poking into the invisible brook through the paling, +was the eldest boy, silent from sheer delight in the unexpected +pleasure of coating himself with mud without remark +from Nettie. This unprecedented escape arose from the +fact that Nettie had a visitor, a lady who had bent down +beside her in a half-kneeling attitude, and was contemplating +her with a mingled amaze and pity which intensified +the prevailing expression of kindness in the mildest face in +the world. It was Miss Wodehouse, in her soft dove-coloured +dress and large soft checked shawl. Her mild eyes +were fixed upon that brilliant brown creature, all buoyant +and sparkling with youth. These wonderful young people +perplexed Miss Wodehouse; here was another incomprehensible +specimen—most incomprehensible perhaps of all +that had ever crossed her mild elderly horizon with bewildering +unintelligible light.</p> + +<p>"My dear," said Miss Wodehouse, "things used to be +very different when I was young. When we were girls we +thought about our own pleasures—and—and vanities of +all kinds," said the good woman, with a little sigh; "and, indeed, +I can't think it is natural still to see you devoting yourself +like this to your sister's family. It is wonderful; but +dear, dear me! it isn't natural, Nettie, such self-devotion."</p> + +<p>"I do wish you wouldn't speak!" said Nettie, with a +sudden start—"self-devotion! stuff! I am only doing +what must be done. Freddy can't go on wearing one +frock for ever, can he—does it stand to reason? Would +you have me sit idle and see the child's petticoats drop to +pieces? I am a colonial girl—I don't know what people +do in England. Where I was brought up we were used +to be busy about whatever lay nearest to our hand."</p> + +<p>"It isn't Freddy's frock," said Miss Wodehouse, with +a little solemnity. "You know very well what I mean. +And suppose you were to marry—what would happen +supposing you were to marry, Nettie?"</p> + +<p>"It is quite time enough to think of that when there is +any likelihood of it happening," said Nettie, with a little +toss of her head. "It is only idle people who have time +to think of falling in love and such nonsense. When one is +very busy it never comes into one's head. Why, you have +never married, Miss Wodehouse; and when I know that +I have everything I possibly could desire, why should I?"</p> + +<p>Miss Wodehouse bent her troubled sweet old face over +the handle of her parasol, and did not say anything for +a few minutes. "It is all very well as long as you are +young," she said, with a wistful look; "and somehow you +young creatures are so much handier than we used to be. +Our little Lucy, you know, that I can remember quite a +baby—I am twice as old as she is," cried Miss Wodehouse, +"and she is twice as much use in the world as I. Well, it +is all very strange. But, dear, you know, <i>this</i> isn't natural +all the same."</p> + +<p>"It is dreadful to say so—it is dreadful to think so!" +cried Nettie. "I know what you mean—not Freddy's frock, +to be sure, but only one's whole life and heart. Should one +desert the only people belonging to one in the world because +one happens to have a little income and they have none? +If one's friends are not very sensible, is that a reason why +one should go and leave them? Is it right to make one's +escape directly whenever one feels one is wanted? or what +do you mean, Miss Wodehouse?" said the vehement girl. +"That is what it comes to, you know. Do you imagine I +had any choice about coming over to England when Susan +was breaking her heart about her husband? could one let +one's sister die, do you suppose? And now that they are +all together, what choice have I? They can't do much for +each other—there is actually nobody but me to take care of +them all. You may say it is not natural, or it is not right, +or anything you please, but what else can one do? That is +the practical question," said Nettie, triumphantly. "If you +will answer that, then I shall know what to say to you."</p> + +<p>Miss Wodehouse gazed at her with a certain mild exasperation, +shook her head, wrung her hands, but could find +nothing to answer.</p> + +<p>"I thought so," said Nettie, with a little outburst of +jubilee; "that is how it always happens to abstract people. +Put the practical question before them, and they have not a +word to say to you. Freddy, cut the grass with the scissors, +don't cut my trimmings; they are for your own frock, you +little savage. If I were to say it was my duty and all that +sort of stuff, you would understand me, Miss Wodehouse; +but one only says it is one's duty when one has something +disagreeable to do; and I am not doing anything disagreeable," +added the little heroine, flashing those eyes which had +confused Edward Rider—those brilliant, resolute, obstinate +eyes, always with the smile of youth, incredulous of evil, +lurking in them, upon her bewildered adviser. "I am living +as I like to live."</p> + +<p>There was a pause—at least there was a pause in the argument, +but not in Nettie's talk, which ran on in an eager +stream, addressed to Freddy, Johnnie, things in general. +Miss Wodehouse pondered over the handle of her parasol. +She had absolutely nothing to say; but, thoroughly unconvinced +and exasperated at Nettie's logic, could not yet retire +from the field.</p> + +<p>"It is all very well to talk just now," said the gentle +woman at last, retiring upon that potent feminine argument; +"but, Nettie, think! If you were to marry<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>Miss Wodehouse paused, appalled by the image she herself +had conjured up.</p> + +<p>"Marrying is really a dreadful business, anyhow," she +added, with a sigh; "so few people, you know, can, when +they might. There is poor Mr Wentworth, who brought +me here first; unless he gets preferment, poor fellow<span class="norewrap">——</span>. +And there is Dr Rider. Things are very much changed +from what they used to be in my young days."</p> + +<p>"Is Dr Rider in the same dilemma? I suppose, of course, +you mean Dr Edward," cried Nettie, with a little flash of +mischievous curiosity. "Why? He has nobody but himself. +I should like to know why he can't marry—that is, if +anybody would have him—when he pleases. Tell me; you +know he is my brother-in-law."</p> + +<p>Miss Wodehouse had been thinking of Bessie Christian. +She paused, partly for Dr Rider's sake, partly because it was +quite contrary to decorum, to suppose that Bessie, now Mrs +Brown, might possibly a year ago have married somebody +else. She faltered a little in her answer. "A professional +man never marries till he has a position," said Miss Wodehouse, +abstractedly. Nettie lifted upon her, eyes that +danced with mischief and glee.</p> + +<p>"A profession is as bad as a family, then," said the little +Australian. "I shall remember that next time you speak +to me on this subject. I am glad to think Dr Edward, with +all his prudence, is disabled too."</p> + +<p>When Nettie had made this unguarded speech, she +blushed; and suddenly, in a threatening and defiant manner, +raised her eyes again to Miss Wodehouse's face. Why? +Miss Wodehouse did not understand the look, nor put any +significance into the words. She rose up from the grass, and +said it was time for her to go. She went away, pondering +in her own mind those singular new experiences of hers. +She had never been called upon to do anything particular +all her gentle life. Another fashion of woman might have +found a call to action in the management of her father's +house, or the education of her motherless young sister. But +Miss Wodehouse had contented herself with loving Lucy—had +suffered her to grow up very much as she would, without +interference—had never taken a decided part in her life. +When anything had to be done, to tell the truth, she was +very inexpert—unready—deeply embarrassed with the unusual +necessity. Nettie's case, so wonderfully different from +anything she could have conceived, lay on her mind and +oppressed her as she went home to Grange Lane.</p> + +<p>As for Nettie herself, she took her work and her children +indoors after a while, and tried on the new frock, and +scolded and rehabilitated the muddy hero of the brook. +Then, with those light fairy motions of hers, she spread the +homely table for tea, called in Susan, sought Fred in his +room up-stairs with a stinging word which penetrated even +his callous mind, and made him for the moment ashamed +of himself. Nettie bit her red lip till it grew white and +bloodless as she turned from Fred's door. It was not hard +to work for the children—to support and domineer over +Susan; but it was hard for such an alert uncompromising +little soul to tolerate that useless hulk—that heavy encumbrance +of a man, for whom hope and life were dead. She +bit her lip as she discharged her sharp stinging arrow at +him through the half-opened door, and then went down +singing, to take her place at the table which her own hands +had spread—which her own purse supplied with bread. +Nobody there showed the least consciousness of that latter +fact; nobody fancied it was anything but natural to rely +upon Nettie. The strange household demeaned itself exactly +as if things were going on in the most regular and +ordinary course. No wonder that spectators outside looked +on with a wonder that could scarcely find expression, and +half exasperated, half admiring, watched the astonishing +life of the colonial girl.</p> + +<p>Nobody watched it with half the amount of exasperation +which concentrated in the bosom of Dr Rider. He gazed +and noted and observed everything with a secret rage, +indignation, and incredulity impossible to describe. He +could not believe it even when it went on before his very +eyes. Doctor though he was, and scientific, to a certain +extent, Edward Rider would have believed in witchcraft—in +some philtre or potion acting upon her mind, rather than +in Nettie's voluntary folly. Was it folly? was it heroism? +was it simple necessity, as she herself called it? Nobody +could answer that question. The matter was as incomprehensible +to Miss Wodehouse as to Dr Rider, but not of +such engrossing interest. Bessie Christian, after all, grew +tame in the Saxon composure of her beauty before this +brown, sparkling, self-willed, imperious creature. To see +her among her self-imposed domestic duties filled the +doctor with a smouldering wrath against all surrounding +her, which any momentary spark might set aflame.</p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_VI" id="CHAPTER_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI.</h3> + + +<p>Affairs went on in Carlingford with the usual commonplace +pertinacity of human affairs. Notable events happened +but seldom in anybody's life, and matters rolled back +into their ordinary routine, or found a new routine for +themselves after the ordinary course of humanity. After +the extraordinary advent of Nettie and her strange household—after +the setting-out of that wonderful little establishment, +with all the amazed expectation it excited—it +was strange to see how everything settled down, and how +calmly the framework of common life took in that exceptional +and half-miraculous picture. Lookers-on prophesied +that it never could last—that in the very nature of things +some sudden crisis or collapse must ensue, and the vain +experiment prove a failure; but quiet nature and steady +time prevailed over these moralists and their prophecies. +The winter went on calmly day by day, and Nettie and +her dependants became legitimate portions of Carlingford +society. People ceased to wonder by degrees. Gradually +the eyes of Carlingford grew accustomed to that dainty tiny +figure sweeping along, by mere impulse of cheerful will and +ceaseless activity, the three open-eyed staring children, +the faded mother. Sometimes, indeed, Nettie, too clear of +the necessity of her own exertions, and too simply bent +upon her business, to feel any sentimental shame of her +relations, was seen quickening the sluggish steps of Fred +himself, who shuffled along by her side in a certain flush of +self-disgust, never perceptible upon him under any other +circumstances. Even Fred was duly moved by her vicinity. +When he saw other people look at them, his bemused +intellect was still alive enough to comprehend that people +were aware of his dismal dependence upon that fairy +creature, whom it was a shame to think of as the support +not only of his deserted children, but of his own base +comforts and idleness. But the spur, though it pricked, +did not goad him into any action. When he got home, he +took refuge in his room up-stairs, in the hazy atmosphere +drugged with the heavy fumes of his pipe, and stretched +his slovenly limbs on his sofa, and buried his confused +faculties in his old novel. So he lived day by day, circumscribed +in the most dangerous of his indulgences by Nettie's +unhesitating strictures and rules, which nobody dared break, +but unlimited in his indolence, his novel, and his pipe. +That stifling fire, that close room, the ashes of the pipe on the +table, the listless shabby figure on the sofa, were the most +dismal part of the interior at St Roque's Cottage, so far as +it appeared to the external eye. But it is doubtful whether +Mrs Fred, spiteful and useless, with her poor health, her +selfish love, her utter unreason, dawdling over trifling +matters which she never completed; or the three children, +entirely unrespectful of father and mother, growing up amid +that wonderful subversion of the ordinary rules of nature, +with some loyalty to Nettie, but no reverence in them, were +not as appalling companions to live with. Nettie, however, +did not consider the matter as a spectator might. She did +not enter into it at all as a matter to be criticised; they +simply belonged to her as they were. She knew their +faults without loving them less, or feeling it possible that +faults could make any difference to those bonds of nature. +Fred, indeed, did afflict her lively impatient spirit;—she +had tried to quicken him into life at first—she gave him up +with a certain frank scorn now, and accepted her position. +Thus he was to be all his life long this big cumberer of the +ground. Nettie, valorous and simple, made up her mind +to it. He was Fred—that was all that could be said on +the subject; and, being Fred, belonged to her, and had to +be cared for like the rest.</p> + +<p>It all grew into a matter of routine as that winter glided +along; outside and in, everybody came to take it for +granted. Miss Wodehouse, who, with a yearning admiration +of a creature so totally unlike herself, came often to +visit Nettie, ceased to expostulate, almost ceased to wonder. +Mr Wentworth no longer opened his fine eyes in amazement +when that household was named. Mrs Smith, their +landlady, calmly brought her bills to Nettie, and forgot +that it was not the most natural thing in the world that +she should be paid by Miss Underwood. The only persistent +sceptic was the doctor. Edward Rider could not, +would not, believe it. He who had so chafed under Fred's +society, felt it beyond the bounds of human possibility +that Nettie could endure him. He watched with an eagerness +which he found it difficult to account for, to see the +first symptoms of disgust which must ere long mark the +failure of this bold but foolish venture. It occupied his +mind a great deal more than was good for his own comfort; +perhaps more than was best for his patients. Though he +had few people to visit in that quarter of the town, his +drag was seen to pass St Roque's Cottage most days in the +week; and when urgent messages came for Dr Rider in +the evening, his little groom always wended his way out +through the special district of Dr Marjoribanks to find his +master, if the doctor was not at home. Not that all this +devotion assisted him much either in increase of friendship +with his relations, or in verification of his auguries. The +disgust of the young doctor, when he saw his brother's +slovenly figure in his own chair, was nothing to his disgust +now, when he saw that same form, so out of accordance +with the neat little sitting-room which Nettie's presence +made dainty and refined in its homeliness, lounging in +Nettie's way. He could not bring himself to speak with +ordinary patience to Fred; and Fred, obtuse as he was, +perceived his brother's disgust and contempt, and resented +it sullenly; and betrayed his resentment to the foolish +wife, who sulked and said spiteful things to Edward. It +was not a pleasant family group. As for Nettie, she was +much too fully occupied to give her society or conversation +to Dr Rider. She came and went while he was there, busy +about a thousand things, always alert, decided, uncompromising—not +disinclined to snub either Fred or Susan +when opportunity offered, totally unconscious even of that +delicacy with which a high fantastical heroine of romance +would have found it necessary to treat her dependants. It +was this unconsciousness, above all, that irritated the doctor. +If she had shown any feeling, he said to himself—if she +had even been grandly aware of sacrificing herself and +doing her duty—there would have been some consolation +in it. But Nettie obstinately refused to be said to do her +duty. She was doing her own will with an imperious +distinctness and energy—having her own way—displaying +no special virtue, but a determined wilfulness. Dr Rider +was half disgusted with Nettie, to see how little disgust +she showed of her companions. He was disappointed in +her: he concluded to himself that she did not show that +fine perception which he was disposed to expect from so +dainty a little sprite. Yet, notwithstanding all these disappointed +expectations, it is astonishing how he haunted +that room where the society was so unattractive, and bore +Mrs Fred's spiteful speeches, and suffered his eyes and his +temper to be vexed beyond endurance by the dismal sight +of his brother. The children, too, worried their unfortunate +uncle beyond description. He did not dislike children: +as a general rule, mothers in the other end of Carlingford, +indeed, declared the doctor to be wonderfully tender and +indulgent to his little patients: but those creatures, with +their round staring eyes, the calm remarks they made upon +their father's slovenly indolence and their mother's imbecility—their +precocious sharp-sightedness and insubordination, +moved Dr Rider with a sharp prevailing inclination, +intensifying by times almost into action, to whip them all +round, and banish the intolerable brats out of sight. Such +was his unpaternal way of contemplating the rising hopes of +his house. How Nettie could bear it all, was an unceasing +marvel to the doctor. Yet, in spite of these disagreeables, +he went to St Roque's all the same.</p> + +<p>One of these winter evenings the doctor wended his way +to St Roque's Cottage in a worse frame of mind than usual. +It was a clear frosty night, very pleasant to be out in, +though sharp and chill; such a night as brightens young +eyes, and exhilarates young hearts, when all is well with +them. Young Rider could hear his own footsteps echoing +along the hard frost-bound road, and could not but wonder +in himself, as he drew near the group of buildings which +broke the solitude of the way, whether Nettie too might +hear it, and <i>perhaps</i> recognise the familiar step. The +shadow of St Roque's fell cold over him as he passed. +Just from that spot the light in the parlour window of +the cottage became perceptible to the wayfarer. A shadow +crossed the blind as he came in sight—Nettie unquestionably. +It occurred to Dr Rider to remember with very sharp +distinctness at that moment, how Nettie's little shadow +had dropped across the sunshine that first morning +when he saw her in his own room. He quickened his +step unawares—perhaps to-night Nettie might be more +accessible than usual, less shut in and surrounded by her +family. He pictured to himself, as he went past the willows, +which rustled faintly with their long bare branches in +the night air, that perhaps, as he was later than usual, Fred +might have retired to his den up-stairs; and Susan might +have gone to bear Fred company—who knows? and the +children might be in bed, the dreadful little imps. And +for once a half-hour's talk with the strange little head of +the house might comfort the young doctor's fatigued mind +and troubled heart.</p> + +<p>For he was sadly fatigued and worn out. What with +incessant occupation and distracted thoughts, this year had +been a very exhausting one for the doctor. He had fagged +on through the whole summer and autumn without any +relaxation. He had chafed over Fred's presence for half +of the year, and had been occupied for the other half with +matters still more absorbing and exciting. Even now his +mind was in a perpetual ferment, and no comforting spirit +spoke quietness to his soul—no stout heart strengthened +his—no lively intelligence animated his own to worthy +doings. He was very cross and fretful, and knew himself +to be so that particular evening—worried and in want of +rest. What a chance, if perhaps he found Nettie, whose +very provocations were somehow more interesting than +other people's most agreeable and tranquillising efforts, all +alone and at leisure! He went on with some palpitations +of hope. As soon as he had entered the cottage, however, +he found out the delusion he was under. The children +were the first fact that presented itself to his senses; an +uproar that pervaded the house, a novel tumult waking all +the echoes; glimpses of flying figures pursuing each other +with brushes and mops, and other impromptu weapons; +one astride upon the banisters of the stairs, sliding down +from top to bottom; another clinging now and then, in the +pauses of the conflict, to the top of one of the doors, by +which it swung back and forward. Terrible infants! there +they all were in a complete saturnalia, the door of the parlour +half open all the time, and no sound of Nettie's restraining +voice. Only poor Mrs Smith standing helpless in successions +of fright and exasperation, sometimes alarmed for +life and limb, sometimes ready to give the little wretches +over to all the penalties of poetic justice. The poor woman +brightened a little when she perceived the sympathetic +horror on the doctor's face.</p> + +<p>"How's this?" exclaimed young Rider, with a sigh of +dismay. Alas! however it was, no quiet imaginary conference, +no soothing glimpse of Nettie, was practicable to-night. +He grew sulky and ferocious under the thought. +He seized the imp that hung on the door, and set it down +summarily with a certain moral violence, unable to refrain +from an admonitory shake, which startled its sudden scream +into a quavering echo of alarm. "Do you want to break +your neck, sir?" cried the wrathful uncle. Dr Rider, however, +had to spring aside almost before the words were +uttered to escape the encounter of a hearth-brush levelled +at him by his sweet little niece. "How is this, Mrs +Smith?" cried the startled visitor, with indignation, raising +his voice sufficiently to be quite audible through the half-open +door.</p> + +<p>"Bless you, sir, Miss is gone out to tea—don't say +nothing—I don't begrudge the poor young lady a bit of +a holiday," whispered the frightened landlady under her +breath; "but I can't never give in to it again. Their +mamma never takes a bit of notice exceptin' when they're +found fault with. Lord! to think how blind some folks +is when it's their own. But the poor dear young lady, +she's gone out for a little pleasure—only to Miss Wodehouse's, +doctor," added Mrs Smith, looking up with a +sudden start to catch the stormy expression on the doctor's +face.</p> + +<p>He made no reply to the troubled landlady. He pushed +the children aside, and made a stride into the parlour. To +be sure, if Nettie was not here, what a charming opportunity +to make himself disagreeable, and give the other +two a piece of his mind! Edward Rider was anything +but perfect. He decided on that expedient with an angry +satisfaction. Since he could not have Nettie, he would at +least have this relief to his feelings, which was next best.</p> + +<p>The room was full of smoke, which came in heavy puffs +from Fred's pipe. He himself lay stretched on the little +sofa; Nettie's sofa—Nettie's room—the place sacred in +the doctor's heart to that bright little figure, the one redeeming +presence in this dismal household. Mrs Fred sat +dawdling opposite her husband over some wretched fancy-work. +Eyes less prejudiced than those of Edward Rider +might have imagined this a scene of coarse but not unpleasant +domestic comfort. To him it was a disgusting +picture of self-indulgence and selfish miserable enjoyment, +almost vice. The very tobacco which polluted the atmosphere +of her room was bought with Nettie's money. Pah! +the doctor came in with a silent pale concentration of fury +and disgust, scarcely able to compel himself to utter ordinary +words of civility. His presence disturbed the pair +in their stolen pleasure. Fred involuntarily put aside his +pipe, and Mrs Fred made a little movement to remove +from the table the glass from which her husband had been +drinking; but both recollected themselves after a moment. +The wife set down the glass with a little spiteful toss of +her head; the husband, with that heated sullen flush upon +his face, relighted his half-extinguished pipe, and put +up again on the sofa the slovenly-slippered feet which +at Edward's first appearance he had withdrawn from it. +A sullen "How d'ye do?" was all the salutation that +passed between them. <i>They</i> felt themselves found out; +the visitor felt with rage and indignation that he had found +them out. Defiant shame and resentment, spiteful passion +and folly, on one side, encountered the gaze of a spectator +outside whose opinion could not be mistaken, a known +critic and possible spy. Little comfort could come from +this strange reunion. They sat in uneasy silence for a few +minutes, mutually ready to fly at each other. Mrs Fred, +in her double capacity as a woman and a fool, was naturally +the first to speak.</p> + +<p>"Nettie's gone out to tea," said that good wife. "I +daresay, Mr Edward, we should not have had the pleasure +of seeing you here had you known that only Fred and I +were at home. It is very seldom we have an evening to +ourselves. It was too great a pleasure, I suppose, not to +be disturbed."</p> + +<p>"Susan, hold your confounded tongue," said the ungrateful +Fred.</p> + +<p>"I am sorry to disturb Mrs Rider," said Edward, with +deadly civility. "I was not aware, indeed, of the domestic +enjoyment I was likely to interrupt. But if you don't want +your boys to break their necks, some one ought certainly to +interfere outside there."</p> + +<p>"That is exactly what I expected," said Mrs Fred. +"My poor children can't have a little amusement, poor +things, but somebody must interfere with it; and my poor +Fred—perhaps you have some fault to find with him, Mr +Edward? Oh, I can see it in your looks! so please take +your advantage, now that there's nobody to be afraid of. +I can tell you have ever so many pleasant things just on +your lips to say."</p> + +<p>"I wish you'd mind your own business, Susan," said +her husband, who was not a fool. "Look after these imps +there, and let me and Edward alone. Nettie's gone out, +you understand. She's a wonderful creature, to be sure, +but it's a blessed relief to get rid of her for a little. A +man can't breathe under her sharp eyes," said Fred, half +apologetic, half defiant, as he breathed out a puff of smoke.</p> + +<p>Edward Rider stared at his brother, speechless with rage +and indignation. He could have rushed upon that listless +figure, and startled the life half out of the nerveless slovenly +frame. The state of mingled resentment, disappointment, +and disgust he was in, made every particular of this aggravating +scene tell more emphatically. To see that heavy +vapour obscuring those walls which breathed of Nettie—to +think of this one little centre of her life, which always +hitherto had borne in some degree the impress of her +womanly image, so polluted and vulgarised, overpowered +the young man's patience. Yet perhaps he of all men in +the world had least right to interfere.</p> + +<p>"How is it possible," burst forth the doctor all at once, +"that you can live upon that creature, Fred? If you +have the heart of a mouse in that big body of yours—if +you are not altogether lost and degraded, how can you do +it? And, by Jove, when all is done, to go and fill the +only room she has—the only place you have left her—with +this disgusting smoke and noise as soon as her back is +turned! Good heaven! it sickens one to think of it. A +fellow like you, as strong as any hodman, to let such a +creature sacrifice herself to keep him in bread; and the +only bit of a little place she can sit down in when she +comes home—It's too much, you know—it's more than she +ought to bear."</p> + +<p>"And who are you, to meddle with us and our arrangements?" +cried Mrs Fred. "My husband is in his own +house. You would not take us into your house, Mr +Edward<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>"Hold your confounded tongue, I tell you," said Fred, +slowly gathering himself off the sofa. "You're a pretty +fellow to speak, you are—that wouldn't lend a fellow a +shilling to keep him from ruin. You had better remember +where you are—in—in—as Susan says—my own house."</p> + +<p>What outbreak of contempt might have come from the +doctor's lips was fortunately lost at that moment, since a +louder outcry than usual from outside, the screams of the +children, and the wailings of the landlady, at length roused +the mother to the length of going to the door. When she +was gone the two brothers eyed each other threateningly. +Fred, not without a certain intolerable sensation of shame, +rose to knock his pipe upon the mantel-shelf among Nettie's +pretty girlish ornaments. Somehow these aggravations of +insult to her image drove Edward Rider desperate. He +laid his hand on Fred's shoulder and shook him violently.</p> + +<p>"Wake up! can't you wake up and see what you're +about?" cried the doctor; "can't you show a little respect +for her, at least? Look here, Fred Rider. I knew you +could do anything shabby or mean, if it suited you. I +knew you would consent to hang a burden on anybody +that would take such a weight upon them; but, by Jove, +I did not think you had the heart to insult her, after all. +A man can't stand by and see that. Clear off your pipe +and your brandy before she comes, or, as sure as I am +made of flesh and blood, and not cast-iron——"</p> + +<p>The doctor's threats were interrupted by the entrance of +a woeful procession. Into the presence of the two brothers, +eyeing each other with such lowering faces, Mrs Smith +and her husband entered, carrying between them, with +solemn looks, the unconscious Freddy, while his mother +followed screaming, and his little brother and sister staring +open-mouthed. It was some relief to the doctor's feelings, +in the excitement of the moment, to rush to the window +and throw it open, admitting a gust of chill December air, +penetrating enough to search to the bones of the fireside +loiterer. Fred was father enough to turn with anxiety to +the child. But his trembling nervous fingers and bemused +eyes could make nothing of the "case" thus so suddenly +brought before him. He turned fiercely and vacantly upon +his wife and demanded why everything was suffered to go +to ruin when Nettie was away. Mrs Fred, screaming and +terrified, began to recriminate. The pallid figure of the +child on the table gave a certain air of squalid tragedy to +the scene, to the sordid miseries of which the night air, +coming in with a rush, chilling the group in their indoor +dresses, and flickering the flame of the candles, added one +other point of dismal accumulation. The child had dropped +from his swing on the door, and was stunned with the fall. +Both father and mother thought him dead in the excitement +of the moment; but the accustomed and cooler eyes of the +doctor perceived the true state of affairs. Edward Rider +forgot his disgust and rage as he devoted himself to the +little patient—not that he loved the child more, but that +the habits of his profession were strong upon him. When +he had succeeded in restoring the little fellow to consciousness, +the doctor threw a professional glance of inquiry +round him to see who could be trusted. Then, with a +contemptuous shrug of his shoulders and impatient exclamation, +turned back to the table. Fred, shivering and +helpless, stood by the fire, uttering confused directions, +and rubbing miserably his own flabby hands; his wife, +crying, scolding, and incapable, stood at the end of the +table, offering no assistance, but wondering when ever +Nettie would come back. Dr Rider took the patient in +his arms, and, beckoning Mrs Smith to go before him, +carried the child up-stairs. There the good mistress of +the cottage listened to all his directions, and promised +devoutly to obey him—to keep the room quiet, if she could—to +tell everything he had said to Miss Nettie. He did +not enter the desecrated parlour again when he came down-stairs. +What was the use? He was glad to go out and +escape the chance of a fraternal struggle. He went out into +the cold night air all thrilling with excitement and agitation. +It was not wonderful that a scene so strange should rouse +many impatient thoughts in the young man's mind; but +the most intolerable of these had the most trifling origin. +That Fred should have smoked his pipe in Nettie's sitting-room, +when she was out of the way, was not, after all, considering +Fred's character, a very wonderful circumstance, but +it exasperated his brother to a greater extent than much +more important matters. That aggravation entirely overpowered +Edward Rider's self-control. It seemed the +culmination of all the wrong and silent insolent injury inflicted upon +Nettie. He saw the stain of those ashes on the little mantel-shelf, +the rolling cloud of smoke in the room, and indignation +burned yet higher and higher in his breast.</p> + +<p>When the current of his thoughts was suddenly checked +and stimulated by the sound of voices on the road. Voices, +one of which was Nettie's, one the lofty clerical accents of +the Rev. Frank Wentworth. The two were walking arm-in-arm +in very confidential colloquy, as the startled and jealous +doctor imagined. What were these two figures doing together +upon the road? why did Nettie lean on the arm of +that handsome young clerical coxcomb? It did not occur +to Dr Rider that the night was extremely dark, and that +Nettie had been at Miss Wodehouse's, where the curate of +St Roque's was a perpetual visitor. With a mortified and +jealous pang, totally unreasonable and totally irresistible, +Edward Rider, only a moment before so fantastically extreme +in Nettie's defence—in the defence of Nettie's very "image" +from all vulgar contact and desecration—strode past Nettie +now without word or sign of recognition. She did not see +him, as he observed with a throbbing heart; she was talking +to young Mr Wentworth with all the haste and eagerness +which Dr Rider had found so captivating. She never suspected +who it was that brushed past her with breathless, +exasperated impatience in the darkness. They went on past +him, talking, laughing lightly, under the veil of night, quite +indifferent as to who heard them, though the doctor did not +think of that. He, unreasonably affronted, galled, and mortified, +turned his back upon that house, which at this present +disappointed moment did not contain one single thing or +person which he could dwell on with pleasure; and, a hundred +times more discontented, fatigued, and worn out—full +of disgust with things in general, and himself and his own +fate in particular—than he had been when he set out from +the other end of Carlingford, went sulkily, and at a terrific +pace, past the long garden-walls of Grange Lane, and all +Dr Marjoribanks's genteel patients. When he had reached +home, he found a message waiting him from an urgent invalid +whose "case" kept the unhappy doctor up and busy +for half the night. Such was the manner in which Edward +Rider got through the evening—the one wonderful exceptional +evening when Nettie went out to tea.</p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_VII" id="CHAPTER_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII.</h3> + + +<p>With the dawn of the morning, however, and the few hours' +hurried rest which Edward Rider was able to snatch after +his labours, other sentiments arose in his mind. It was +quite necessary to see how the unlucky child was at St +Roque's Cottage, and perhaps what Nettie thought of all +that had occurred during her absence. The doctor bethought +himself, too, that there might be very natural explanations +of the curate's escort. How else, to be sure, could she have +got home on a dark winter night through that lonely road? +Perhaps, if he himself had been less impatient and ill-tempered, +it might have fallen to his lot to supersede Mr Wentworth. +On the whole, Dr Rider decided that it was necessary +to make one of his earliest calls this morning at St +Roque's.</p> + +<p>It was a foggy frosty day, brightened with a red sun, +which threw wintry ruddy rays across the mist. Dr Rider +drew up somewhat nervously at the little Gothic porch. +He was taken up-stairs to the bedroom where little Freddy +lay moaning and feverish. A distant hum came from the +other children in the parlour, the door of which, however, +was fast closed this morning; and Nettie herself sat by the +child's bedside—Nettie, all alert and vigorous, in the little +room, which, homely as its aspect was, displayed even to +the doctor's uninitiated glance a fastidious nicety of arrangement +which made it harmonious with that little figure. +Nettie was singing childish songs to solace the little invalid's +retirement—the "fox that jumped up on a moonlight night," +the "frog that would a-wooing go"—classic ditties of which +the nursery never tires. The doctor, who was not aware +that music was one of Nettie's accomplishments, stopped +on the stairs to listen. And indeed she had not a great +deal of voice, and still less science, Nettie's life having been +too entirely occupied to leave much room for such studies. +Yet somehow her song touched the doctor's heart. He forgave +her entirely that walk with the curate. He went in +softly, less impatient than usual with her crazy Quixotism. +A child—a sick child especially—was a bearable adjunct to +the picture. A woman could be forgiven for such necessary +ministrations—actually, to tell the truth, could be +forgiven most follies she might happen to do, when one +could have her to one's self, without the intervention of +such dreary accessories as Susan and Fred.</p> + +<p>"Thank you very much for your care of this child last +night, Dr Edward," said the prompt Nettie, laying down +the large piece of very plain needlework in her hand. "I +always said, though you don't make a fuss about the children, +that you were quite to be relied on if anything should +happen. He is feverish, but he is not ill; and so long as +I tell him stories and keep beside him, Freddy is the best +child in the world."</p> + +<p>"More people than Freddy might be willing to be ill +under such conditions," said the doctor, complimentary, +but rueful. He felt his patient's pulse, and prescribed for +him with a softened voice. He lingered and looked round +the room, which was very bare, yet somehow was not like +any of the rooms in <i>his</i> house. How was it?—there were no +ornaments about, excepting that tiny little figure with the +little head overladen with such a wealth of beautiful hair. +The doctor sighed. In this little sacred spot, where she +was so clearly at her post—or at least at a post which no +other was at hand to take—he could not even resent Nettie's +self-sacrifice. He gave in to her here, with a sigh. +"Since you think he is not ill to speak of, will you drive +me and the other children into Carlingford, Dr Edward?" +said the courageous Nettie. "It will be a pleasure for +them, you know, and I shall be able to do my business +without losing so much time; besides, I want to talk to +you; I can see you will in your eyes. Go down, please, +and talk to Mr Smith, who has got a headache or something, +and wants to see you. You need not trouble yourself seeing +Susan, who is cross, of course. I don't wonder at her +being cross; it must be very shocking, you know, to feel +one's self of no use, whatever happens. Thank you; I +shall be ready in a minute, as soon as you have done talking +to Mr Smith."</p> + +<p>The doctor went down obediently, and in an unusual +flutter of pleasure, to see the master of the cottage—totally +indifferent to the ailments of the virtuous Smith, and thinking +only of Nettie and that drive to Carlingford, where, +indeed, he should not have gone, had he considered the +merely abstract matters of business and duty, which led +him entirely in a different direction. He was somewhat +rudely recalled to himself when he went down-stairs. +Smith had no headache, but only wanted to speak to the +doctor about his lodgers, whose "ways" were sadly discomposing +to himself and his wife.</p> + +<p>"You saw how it was yourself last night, sir," said the +troubled landlady. "Them hangings—you know the smoke +goes through and through them. After leaving all the +windows open this frosty morning, and a draught enough +to give you your death, the place smells like I don't know +what. If it wasn't for Miss I wouldn't put up with it for +a day; and the gentleman's own room, doctor; if you was +just to go in and see it—just put your head in and say good +morning—you'd believe me."</p> + +<p>"I know all about it," said the doctor; "but Miss Underwood, +Mrs Smith—?"</p> + +<p>"There's where it is, sir," said the landlady. "I can't +find it in my heart to say a word to Miss. To see how she +do manage them all, to be sure! but for all that, doctor, it +stands to reason as one can't spoil one's lodgings for a +family as may be gone to-morrow—not except it's considered +in the rent. It's more natural-like to speak to a gentleman +like you as knows the world, than to a young lady +as one hasn't a word to say against—the handiest, liveliest, +managingest! Ah, doctor, she'd make a deal different a wife +from her sister, that young lady would! though it isn't my +part to say nothink, considering all things, and that you're +relations, like; but Smith and me are both o' one mind +about it, Dr Rider—unless it's considered in the rent, or +the gentleman drops smoking, or<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>"I hear Miss Underwood coming down-stairs," cried +young Rider. "Next time I come we'll arrange it all. But +not a word to <i>her</i>, remember—not a syllable; and go up-stairs +and look after that poor child, there's a good soul—she +trusts you while she is gone, and so do I. There, there! +another time. I'll take the responsibility of satisfying you, +Mrs Smith," said the doctor, in a prodigious hurry, ready +to promise anything in this incautious moment, and bolting +out of their little dark back-room, which the local architect's +mullions had converted into a kind of condemned cell. +Nettie stood at the door, all ready for her expedition to +Carlingford, with her two children, open-eyed and calmly +inquisitive, but no longer noisy. Mrs Fred was standing +sulky at the parlour door. The doctor took off his hat to +her as he helped Nettie into the front seat of the drag, but +took care not to approach nearer. The children were +packed in behind, under charge of the little groom, and, +with an exhilarating sensation of lawlessness in the present +pleasure, Dr Rider turned his back upon his duty and the +patient who expected him a mile on the other side of St +Roque's, and drove, not too rapidly, into Carlingford.</p> + +<p>"Mrs Smith was talking to you of us," said Nettie, flashing +her penetrating eyes upon the confused doctor. "I +know she was—I could see it in her face this morning, and +in yours when you came out of her room. Dreadful little +dungeon, is it not? I wonder what the man meant, to +build such a place. Do they want to turn us out, Dr +Edward, or do they want more rent? I am not surprised, +I am sure, after last night. Was it not odious of Fred to go +and smoke in the parlour, the only place we can have tidy? +But it is no use speaking to him, you know; nor to Susan +either, for that matter. Married people do stand up for +each other so when you say a word, however they may fight +between themselves. But is it more rent they want, Dr +Edward? for I can't afford more rent."</p> + +<p>"It is an abominable shame—you oughtn't to afford anything. +It is too dreadful to think of!" cried the angry +doctor, involuntarily touching his horse with his whip in +the energy of the moment, though he was indeed in no +hurry to reach Carlingford.</p> + +<p>"Hush," said Nettie, lifting her tiny hand as though to +put it to his incautious mouth, which, indeed, the doctor +would not have objected to. "We shall quarrel on that +subject if you say anything more, so it is better to stop at +once. Nobody has a right to interfere with me; this is my +business, and no one else has anything to do with it."</p> + +<p>"You mistake," cried the doctor, startled out of all his +prudences; "it ought to be my business quite as much as +it is yours."</p> + +<p>Nettie looked at him with a certain careless scorn of the +inferior creature—"Ah, yes, I daresay; but then you are +only a man," said Nettie; and the girl elevated that pretty +drooping head, and flashed a whole torrent of brilliant reflections +over the sombre figure beside her. He felt himself +glow under the sudden radiance of the look. To fancy this +wilful imperious creature a meek self-sacrificing heroine, was +equally absurd and impossible. Was there any virtue at all +in that dauntless enterprise of hers? or was it simple determination +to have her own way?</p> + +<p>"But not to quarrel," said Nettie; "for indeed you are +the only person in the world I can say a word to about the +way things are going on," she added with a certain +momentary softening of voice and twinkling of her eyelid, as if +some moisture had gathered there. "I think Fred is in +a bad way. I think he is muddling his brains with that +dreadful life he leads. To think of a man that could do +hundreds of things living like that! A woman, you know, +can only do a thing or two here and there. If it were not +wicked to say so, one would think almost that Providence +forgot sometimes, and put the wrong spirit into a body that +did not belong to it. Don't you think so? When I look at +Fred I declare sometimes I could take hold of him and +give him a good shake, and ask him what he means; and +then it all seems so useless the very idea of expecting him +to feel anything. I want to know what you said to him +last night."</p> + +<p>"Not much—not half so much as I meant to have said. +To see him polluting your room!" cried the doctor, with a +flush growing on his face, and breaking off abruptly, not +quite able to conclude the sentence. Nettie gave him a shy +upward glance, and grew suddenly crimson too.</p> + +<p>"Did you mind?" said Nettie, with a momentary timidity, +against the unexpected charm of which the unhappy +doctor fell defenceless; then holding out her tiny hand to +him with shy frankness, "Thank you for caring so much for +me," said the dauntless little girl, resolute not to perceive +anything which could not be fully spoken out.</p> + +<p>"Caring <i>so</i> much! I must speak to you; we can't go on +like this, Nettie," cried the doctor, holding fast the little +unfaltering hand.</p> + +<p>"Oh, here is the place I am going to. Please don't; +people might not understand,—though we <i>are</i> brother and +sister in a kind of a way," said the little Australian. "Please, +Dr Edward, we must get out here."</p> + +<p>For a moment Edward Rider hesitated with a wild intention +of urging his horse forward and carrying her off anywhere, +out of Carlingford, out of duty and practice and +responsibility, and all those galling restraints of life which +the noonday light and everyday sounds about brought in +with so entire a discord to break up this momentary hallucination. +For half a minute only the doctor lingered on the +borders of that fairyland where time and duty are not, +but only one ineffable moment always passing, never past. +Then with a long sigh, the breath of which dispersed a whole +gleaming world of visionary delights, he got down doggedly +on the commonplace pavement. Ah, what a descent it was! +the moment his foot touched these vulgar flags, he was once +more the hard-worked doctor at everybody's command, with +a fretful patient waiting for him a mile beyond St Roque's; +and all these dazzling moments, which had rapt the unfortunate +young fellow into another world, were so much time +lost to the prose figure that had to help Nettie down and let +her go, and betake himself soberly about his own business. +Perhaps Nettie felt it a little disenchanting too, when she +was dropped upon the bare street, and went into the common +shop, and saw the doctor's drag flash off in the red frosty +sunshine with a darting movement of exasperation and +impatience on the part of its aggravated driver. For once +in her life Nettie felt disposed to be impatient with the +children, who, unceremoniously ejected from their perch +behind, were not in the most obedient frame of mind. The +two young people possibly agreed in their mutual sentiment +of disgust with other people's society just at that moment. +However, there was no help for it. Dr Rider galloped his +horse to his patient's door, and took it out of that unlucky +individual, who was fortunately strong enough to be able to +bear sharp practice. Nettie, when she had made her little +purchases, walked home smartly to sing "The fox jumped +up on a moonlight night" to little Freddy in his bedroom. +This kind of interlude, however, as all young men and +maidens ought to be aware, answers much better in the +evening, when a natural interval of dreams interposes between +it and the common work of existence. Nettie decided, +thinking on it, that this would never do. She made up her +mind not to have any more drives with the doctor. There +was no telling what such proceedings might lead to. They +were distinctly incompatible with the more serious business +of her life.</p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_VIII" id="CHAPTER_VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII.</h3> + + +<p>Such a parting, however, is sadly apt to lead to future +meetings. Notwithstanding his smouldering quarrel with +Fred, which was always ready to burst out afresh, Dr Rider +would not give up coming to St Roque's. He came to some +clandestine arrangement with Mrs Smith, of which nobody +ever was aware, and which he himself was rather ashamed +of than otherwise; and he attended Freddy with the most +dutiful exactness till the child was quite restored. But all +this time Nettie put on a coat of armour, and looked so +thoroughly unlike herself in her unusual reserve and propriety, +that the doctor was heartily discouraged, and could +go no further. Besides, it would not be positively correct +to assert that—though he would gladly have carried her off +in the drag anywhere, to the end of the world, in the enchantment +of the moment—he was just as ready to propose +setting up a new household, with Fred and his family +hanging on to it as natural dependants. That was a step +the doctor was not prepared for. Some people are compelled +to take the prose concerns of life into full consideration even +when they are in love, and Edward Rider was one of these +unfortunate individuals. The boldness which puts everything +to the touch to gain or lose was not in this young +man. He had been put to hard encounters enough in his +day, and had learned to trust little to chance or good fortune. +He did not possess the boldness which disarms an adverse +fate, nor that confidence in his own powers which smooths +down wounded pride, and accounts even for failure. He +was, perhaps it is only right to say, not very capable of +heroism: but he was capable of seeing the lack of the +heroic in his own composition, and of feeling bitterly his +own self-reproaches, and the remarks of the world, which +is always so ready to taunt the very cowardice it creates. +After that moment in which he could have dared anything +for her and with her, it is sad to be obliged to admit that +perhaps Dr Edward too, like Nettie, withdrew a little from +that climax of feeling. Not that his heart grew colder or +his sentiments changed; but only that, in sight of the +inevitable result, the poor young fellow paused and pondered, +obeying the necessity of his nature. People who jump at +conclusions, if they have to bear the consequences of folly +often enough, are at least spared those preliminary heartaches. +Dr Rider, eager as love and youth could make him, was yet +incapable of shutting his eyes to the precipice at his feet. +That he despised himself for doing so, did not make the +matter easier. These were the limits of his nature, and +beyond them he could not pass.</p> + +<p>Accordingly matters went on in this dangerous fashion for +many weeks longer. The fire smouldered, strengthening its +pent-up flames. Day by day malicious sprites of thought +went out behind Dr Rider in his drag, leading him into +the wildest calculations, the most painful complication of +schemes. If Fred and his family could only be persuaded +to return to Australia, his brother thought—if any bribe +within Edward's means could tempt the ruined man to such +a step; and when he was there, why there was Providence +to take care of the helpless unlovely household, and necessity +might compel the wretched father to work for his children. +Such were the vain projects that revolved and fermented +through the doctor's agitated brain as he went among his +patients. Luckily he had a very favourable and well-disposed +lot of sick people at that crisis—they all got well in +spite of the doctor, and gave their own special cases and his +anxiety all the credit for his grave looks; and all these half-finished +streets and rough new roads in the east end of +Carlingford were sown thick with the bootless suggestions of Dr +Rider's love and fears. The crop did not show upon the +vulgar soil, but gave lurking associations to every half-built +street corner which he passed in his rounds many a day after, +and served at this present momentous era to confuse doubly +the chaos of his thoughts.</p> + +<p>At last one night the crisis came. Spring had begun to +show faintly in the lengthening days—spring, that so often +belies itself, and comes with a serpent's tooth. Dr Rider +on that particular day had met Dr Marjoribanks at some +meeting convened in the interests of Carlingford. The +old physician had been very gracious and cordial to the +young one—had spoken of his own declining health, of +his possible retirement, of the excellent prospects which a +rising young man in their profession had in Carlingford; +and, finally, had asked Dr Rider to go with him next day +to see an interesting patient, and advise as to the treatment +of the case.</p> + +<p>The young doctor was more pleased than he could or +would have told any one; and, with a natural impulse, +seized the earliest moment to direct his steps towards St +Roque's.</p> + +<p>It was twilight when Dr Edward went down the long +and rather tiresome line of Grange Lane. These garden-walls, +so delicious in their bowery retirements within, were +not interesting outside to the pedestrian. But the doctor's +attention was so speedily riveted on two figures eagerly +talking near Mr Wodehouse's garden-door, that the long +sweep of wall seemed but a single step to him as he hurried +along. Those two figures were unquestionably Nettie for +one, and Mr Wentworth for another. Handsome young +coxcomb, with all his Puseyitical pretences! Was Lucy +Wodehouse not enough for him, that he must have Nettie +too? Dr Rider hurried forward to interrupt that meeting. +He was actually turning with her, walking slowly back +again the very way he had just come! Edward's blood +boiled in his impatient veins. He swept along in a whirlwind +of sudden wrath. When he came up to them Nettie +was talking low, and the curate's lofty head was bent to +hear her in a manner which, it is probable, Lucy Wodehouse +would no more have admired than Edward Rider. +They came to a sudden pause when he joined them, in +that particular conversation. The doctor's dread civility +did not improve matters. Without asking himself what +cause he had, this amiable young man plunged into the +wildest jealousy without pause or interval. He bestowed +upon Nettie the most cutting looks, the most overwhelming +politeness. When the three had marched solemnly abreast +down the road for some few minutes, the curate, perhaps +with an intuition of fellow-feeling, perceiving how the +matter was, stopped short and said good-bye. "I will +make inquiries, and let you know next time I pass the +cottage," said Mr Wentworth; and he and the doctor took +off their hats, not without deadly thoughts on one side at +least. When the young clergyman left them, Nettie and +her sulky cavalier went on in silence. That intrepid little +woman was not in her usual spirits, it appeared. She had +no talk for Dr Edward any more than he had for her. +She carried a multiplicity of little parcels in her hands, +and walked with a certain air of fatigue. The doctor +walked on, stealing silent looks at her, till his heart melted. +But the melting of his heart displayed itself characteristically. +He would not come down from his elevation without +suffering her to see how angry he was.</p> + +<p>"I fear I interrupted an interesting conversation—I that +have so little hope of equalling Mr Wentworth. Priests +are always infallible with women," said the doctor, betraying +his ill-temper in vulgar sneers.</p> + +<p>"I was asking him for some one to teach the boys," +said Nettie. "Johnnie ought to have his education attended +to now. Mr Wentworth is very good-tempered, +Dr Edward. Though he was just going to knock at Miss +Wodehouse's door when I met him, he offered, and would +have done it if you had not come up, to walk home with +me. Not that I wanted anybody to walk home with me; +but it was very kind," said Nettie, with rising spirit.</p> + +<p>"I am afraid I am a very poor substitute for Mr Wentworth," +said the jealous doctor, "and I don't pretend to +be kind. But I am surprised to find Miss Underwood +walking so late. This is not a road for a lady by herself."</p> + +<p>"You know I don't mind in the least for the road," said +Nettie, with a little indignation. "How wonderfully cross +you are sometimes! If you are going as far as the Cottage," +she added, with a little sigh of fatigue, "will you +please carry some of these things for me! I could not get +out sooner, I have been so busy to-day. It is wonderful +how much needlework it takes to keep three children +going, and how many little jobs there are to do. If you +take this parcel, carry it carefully, please: it is something +for my bonnet. There! Don't be absurd. I am quite +able to walk by myself, thank you—I'd rather, please!"</p> + +<p>This remonstrance was called forth by the fact that the +relenting doctor, much moved by having the parcels confided +to his care, had drawn the little hand which gave +them within his arm, a proceeding which Nettie distinctly +disapproved of. She withdrew her hand quickly, and +walked on with much dignity by his side.</p> + +<p>"I can carry your parcels," said Edward, after a little +pause, "but you will not let me help yourself. You take the +heaviest burdens upon your shoulders, and then will have +no assistance in bearing them. How long are these children +of Fred's—detestable little imps!—to work you to death?"</p> + +<p>"You are speaking of <i>my</i> children, sir!" cried Nettie, +with a little blaze of resentment. "But you don't mean it, +Dr Edward," she said, a moment after, in a slightly coaxing +tone. "You are tired and cross after your day's work. +Perhaps it will be best, if you are very cross, not to come +down all the way to the Cottage, thank you. I don't want +you to quarrel with Fred."</p> + +<p>"Cross! Nettie, you are enough to drive twenty men +distracted!" cried the poor doctor. "You know as well as +I do what I have been dying to say to you these three +months past; and to see you go on with these confounded +children without so much as a glance for a fellow who<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>"Don't speak like that," cried Nettie, with brilliant +female instinct; "you'll be sorry for it after; for you +know, Dr Edward, you have <i>not</i> said anything particular +to me these three months past."</p> + +<p>This touch gave the last exasperation to the agitated +mind of the doctor. He burst forth into a passionate outbreak +of love and anger, curiously mingled, but too warm +and real to leave Nettie much coolness of observation under +the circumstances. She took the advantage over him +which a woman naturally does in such a case. She went +on softly, trembling sufficiently to her own consciousness, +but not to his, suffering him to pour out that torrent +without interruption. She made no answer till the whole +agitated self-disclosure was complete. In the interval she +got a little command of herself, and was able to speak +when it came to her turn.</p> + +<p>"Dr Edward," said Nettie, solemnly, "you know it is +impossible. If we cared for each other ever so much, what +could we do? I am not free to—to make any change; +and I know very well, and so do you, that you never could +put up with Fred and Susan and the children, were things +as you say ten times over. I don't mean I don't believe +you. I don't mean I might not have been pleased had +things been different. But you know it is just plainly +impossible. You know your own temper and your own +spirit—and perhaps you know mine as well. No, no—we +cannot manage it anyhow, Dr Edward," said Nettie, with +a little sigh.</p> + +<p>"Is this all you have to say to me?" cried the astonished +lover.</p> + +<p>"I am sure I do not know what else to say," said Nettie, +with matter-of-fact distinctness. "I don't need to enter +into all the business again, and tell you how things stand; +you know as well as I do. One may be sorry, but one +must do what one has to do all the same."</p> + +<p>A painful pause followed. Nettie, with all her feminine +acuteness, could not divine that this calm way of treating +a business which had wrought her companion into such a +pitch of passion, was the most humiliating and mortifying +possible to a man in whose bosom love and pride were so +combined. He tried to speak more than once, but could +not. Nettie said nothing more—she was uneasy, but secure +in the necessity of her own position. What else could she +do or say?</p> + +<p>"Then, I presume, this is my answer," said the doctor, +at last, gulping an amount of shame and anger which Nettie +could not conceive of, and which the darkness concealed +from her sight.</p> + +<p>"Oh, Dr Edward, what can I say?" cried the girl; "you +know it all as well as I do. I cannot change it with a +word. I am very, very sorry," said Nettie, faltering and +startled, waking to a sudden perception of the case all at +once, by reason of catching a sudden gleam of his eyes. +They came to a dead stop opposite each other, she half +frightened and confused, he desperate with love and rage +and mortification. By this time they had almost reached +the cottage door.</p> + +<p>"Don't take the trouble to be sorry. I'll—oh, I'll get +over it!" cried the doctor, with a sneer at himself and his +passion, which came out of the bitterness of his heart. +Then, after a pause—"Nettie!" cried the young man—"Nettie! +do you see what you are doing?—do you choose +Fred and those wretched imps instead of your own life +and mine? You are not so indifferent as you think you +are. We shall never get over it, neither you nor me. +Nettie, once for all, is this all you have to say?"</p> + +<p>"If I were to say all the words in the language," said +Nettie, after a pause, with a breathless indistinctness and +haste, "words will not change <i>things</i> if we should break +our hearts."</p> + +<p>The open door, with the light shining out from it, shone +upon them at that moment, and Mrs Smith waiting to let +the young lady in. Neither of the two dared face that +sudden gleam. The doctor laid down his parcels on the +step, muttered something, which she could not distinguish, +into Nettie's agitated ear, and vanished back again into the +darkness. Only now was Nettie awaking to the sense of +what had happened, and its real importance. Perhaps +another minute, another word, might have made a difference—that +other word and minute that are always wanting. +She gazed out after him blankly, scarcely able to persuade +herself that it was all over, and then went in with a kind +of stupefied, stunned sensation, not to be described. +Edward Rider heard the door shut in the calm silence, and +swore fierce oaths in his heart over her composure and cold-heartedness. +As usual, it was the woman who had to face +the light and observation, and to veil her trouble. The +man rushed back into the darkness, smarting with wounds +which fell as severely upon his pride as upon his heart. +Nettie went in, suddenly conscious that the world was +changed, and that she had entered upon another life.</p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_IX" id="CHAPTER_IX"></a>CHAPTER IX.</h3> + + +<p>Another life and a changed world! What small matters +sometimes bring about that sudden disenchantment! Two +or three words exchanged without much thought—one +figure disappearing out of the landscape—and, lo! all the +prismatic colours have faded from the horizon, and blank +daylight glares upon startled eyes! Nettie had not, up to +this time, entertained a suspicion of how distinct a place the +doctor held in her limited firmament—she was totally unaware +how much exhilaration and support there was in his +troubled, exasperated, impatient admiration. Now, all at +once, she found it out. It was the same life, yet it was +different. Her occupations were unchanged, her surroundings +just what they used to be. She had still to tolerate +Fred, to manage Susan, to superintend with steady economy +all the expenditure of the strange little household. The +very rooms and aspect of everything was the same; yet had +she been suddenly transported back again to the Antipodes, +life could not have been more completely changed to Nettie. +She recognised it at once with some surprise, but without +any struggle. The fact was too clearly apparent to leave +her in any doubt. Nobody but herself had the slightest +insight into the great event which had happened—nobody +could know of it, or offer Nettie any sympathy in that unforeseen +personal trial. In her youth and buoyant freshness, +half contemptuous of the outside troubles which were no +match for her indomitable heart, Nettie had been fighting +against hard external circumstances for a great part of her +valorous little life, and had not hesitated to take upon +herself the heaviest burdens of outside existence. Such +struggles are not hard when one's heart is light and sound. +With a certain splendid youthful scorn of all these labours +and drudgeries, Nettie had gone on her triumphant way, +wearing her bonds as if they were ornaments. Suddenly, +without any premonition, the heart had died out of her +existence. A personal blow, striking with subtle force into +that unseen centre of courage and hope, had suddenly +disabled Nettie. She said not a word on the subject to +any living creature—if she shed any tears over it, they were +dropped in the darkness, and left no witness behind; but +she silently recognised and understood what had happened +to her. It was not that she had lost her lover—it was not +that the romance of youth had glimmered and disappeared +from before her eyes. It was not that she had ever entered, +even in thought, as Edward Rider had done, into that life, +glorified out of common existence, which the two could +have lived together. Such was not the form which this +extraordinary loss took to Nettie. It was her personal +happiness, wonderful wine of life, which had suddenly failed +to the brave little girl. Ah, the difference it made! +Labours, disgusts, endurances of all kinds: what cannot one +undertake so long as one has that cordial at one's heart? +When the endurance and the labour remain, and the cordial +is gone, it is a changed world into which the surprised soul +enters. This was what had happened to Nettie. Nobody +suspected the sudden change which had passed upon everything. +The only individual in the world who could have +divined it, had persuaded himself in a flush of anger and +mortification that she did not care. He consoled himself +by elaborate avoidance of that road which led past St +Roque's—by bows of elaborate politeness when he encountered +her anywhere in the streets of Carlingford—by taking +a sudden plunge into such society as was open to him in the +town, and devoting himself to Miss Marjoribanks, the old +physician's daughter. Nettie was not moved by these +demonstrations, which showed her sway still undiminished +over the doctor's angry and jealous heart. She did not +regard the petulant shows of pretended indifference by which +a more experienced young woman might have consoled herself. +She had enough to do, now that the unsuspected +stimulus of her life was withdrawn for the moment, to go on +steadily without making any outward show of it. She had +come to the first real trial of her strength and worthiness. +And Nettie did not know what a piece of heroism she was +enacting, nor that the hardest lesson of youthful life—how +to go on stoutly without the happiness which that absolute +essence of existence demands and will not be refused—was +being taught her now. She only knew it was dull work just +for the moment—a tedious sort of routine, which one was +glad to think could not last for ever; and so went on, the +steadfast little soul, no one being any the wiser, upon that +suddenly-clouded, laborious way.</p> + +<p>It is sad to be obliged to confess that Dr Rider's conduct +was nothing like so heroical. He, injured and indignant +and angry, thought first of all of revenging himself upon +Nettie—of proving to her that he would get over it, and +that there were women in the world more reasonable than +herself. Dr Marjoribanks, who had already made those +advances to the doctor which that poor young fellow had +gone to carry the news of, not without elation of heart, on +that memorable night, to St Roque's, asked Edward to +dinner a few days after; and Miss Marjoribanks made +herself very agreeable, with just that degree of delicate +regard and evident pleasure in his society which is so +soothing when one has met with a recent discomfiture. +Miss Marjoribanks, it is true, was over thirty, and by no +means a Titania. Edward Rider, who had retired from +the field in Bessie Christian's case, and whom Nettie had +rejected, asked himself savagely why he should not make +an advantageous marriage now, when the chance offered. +Old Marjoribanks's practice and savings, with a not unagreeable, +rather clever, middle-aged wife—why should he +not take it into consideration? The young doctor thought +of that possibility with a certain thrill of cruel pleasure. +He said to himself that he would make his fortune, and be +revenged on Nettie. Whenever there was a chance of +Nettie hearing of it, he paid the most devoted attentions +to Miss Marjoribanks. Ready gossips took it up and made +the matter public. Everybody agreed it would be an admirable +arrangement. "The most sensible thing I've heard of +for years—step into the old fellow's practice, and set himself +up for life—eh, don't you think so?—that's my opinion," +said Mr Wodehouse. Mr Wodehouse's daughters +talked over the matter, and settled exactly between themselves +what was Miss Marjoribanks's age, and how much +older she was than her supposed suitor—a question always +interesting to the female mind. And it was natural that +in these circumstances Nettie should come to hear of it all +in its full details, with the various comments naturally +suggesting themselves thereupon. What Nettie's opinion +was, however, nobody could ever gather; perhaps she +thought Dr Edward was justified in putting an immediate +barrier between himself and her. At all events, she was +perfectly clear upon the point that it could not have been +otherwise, and that no other decision was possible to +herself.</p> + +<p>The spring lagged on, accordingly, under these circumstances. +Those commonplace unalterable days, varied in +nothing but the natural fluctuations of making and mending,—those +evenings with Fred sulky by the fire—always +sulky, because deprived by Nettie's presence of his usual +indulgences; or if not so, then enjoying himself after his +dismal fashion in his own room, with most likely Susan +bearing him company, and the little maiden head of the +house left all by herself in the solitary parlour,—passed +on one by one, each more tedious than the other. It +seemed impossible that such heavy hours could last, and +prolong themselves into infinitude, as they did; but still +one succeeded another in endless hard procession. And +Nettie shed back her silky load of hair, and pressed her +tiny fingers on her eyes, and went on again, always dauntless. +She said to herself, with homely philosophy, that this +could not last very long; not with any tragical meaning, +but with a recognition of the ordinary laws of nature which +young ladies under the pressure of a first disappointment +are not apt to recur to. She tried, indeed, to calculate in +herself, with forlorn heroism, how long it might be expected +to last, and, though she could not fix the period, endeavoured +to content herself with the thought that things +must eventually fall into their natural condition. In the +mean time it was slow and tedious work enough—but +they did pass one after another, these inevitable days.</p> + +<p>One night Nettie was sitting by herself in the parlour +busy over her needlework. Fred and his wife, she thought, +were up-stairs. They had left her early in the evening,—Susan +to lie down, being tired—Fred to his ordinary +amusements. It was a matter of course, and cost Nettie +no special thought. After the children went to bed, she +sat all by herself, with her thread and scissors on the table, +working on steadily and quietly at the little garment she +was making. Her needle flew swift and nimbly; the +sleeve of her dress rustled as she moved her arm; her soft +breath went and came: but for that regular monotonous +movement, and those faint steady sounds of life, it might +have been a picture of domestic tranquillity and quiet, and +not a living woman with aches in her heart. It did not +matter what she was thinking. She was facing life and +fortune—indomitable, not to be discouraged. In the +silence of the house she sat late over her needlework, +anxious to have some special task finished. She heard +the mistress of the cottage locking up, but took no notice +of that performance, and went on at her work, forgetting +time. It got to be very silent in the house and without; +not a sound in the rooms where everybody was asleep; +not a sound outside, except an occasional rustle of the +night wind through the bare willow-branches—deep night +and not a creature awake but herself, sitting in the heart +of that intense and throbbing silence. Somehow there +was a kind of pleasure to Nettie in the isolation which was +so impossible to her at other hours. She sat rapt in that +laborious quiet as if her busy fingers were under some spell.</p> + +<p>When suddenly she heard a startled motion up-stairs, as +if some one had got up hastily; then a rustling about the +room overhead, which was Susan's room. After a while, +during which Nettie, restored by the sound to all her growing +cares, rose instantly to consideration of the question, +What had happened now? the door above was stealthily +opened, and a footstep came softly down the stair. Nettie +put down her work and listened breathlessly. Presently +Susan's head peeped in at the parlour door. After all, +then, it was only some restlessness of Susan's. Nettie took +up her work, impatient, perhaps almost disappointed, with +the dead calm in which nothing ever happened. Susan +came in stealthy, pale, trembling with cold and fright. She +came forward to the table in her white night-dress like a +faded ghost. "Fred has never come in," said Susan, in a +shivering whisper; "is it very late? He promised he +would only be gone an hour. Where <i>can</i> he have gone? +Nettie, Nettie, don't sit so quiet and stare at me. I fell +asleep, or I should have found it out sooner; all the house +is locked up, and he has never come in."</p> + +<p>"If he comes we can unlock the house," said Nettie. +"When did he go out, and why didn't you tell me? Of +course I should have let Mrs Smith know, not to frighten +her; but I told Fred pretty plainly last time that we could +not do with such hours. It will make him ill if he does not +mind. Go to bed, and I'll let him in."</p> + +<p>"Go to bed! it is very easy for you to say so; don't you +know it's the middle of the night, and as dark as pitch, +and my husband out all by himself?" cried Susan. "Oh, +Fred, Fred! after all the promises you made, to use me like +this again! Do you think I can go up-stairs and lie shivering +in the dark, and imagining all sorts of dreadful things happening +to him? I shall stay here with you till he comes in."</p> + +<p>Nettie entered into no controversy. She got up quietly +and fetched a shawl and put it round her shivering sister; +then sat down again and took up her needlework. But +Susan's excited nerves could not bear the sight of that +occupation. The rustle of Nettie's softly-moving hand distracted +her. "It sounds always like Fred's step on the +way," said the fretful anxious woman. "Oh, Nettie, Nettie! +do open the end window and look out; perhaps he is looking +for the light in the windows to guide him straight! It +is so dark! Open the shutters, Nettie, and, oh, do look +out and see! Where do you suppose he can have gone to? +I feel such a pang at my heart, I believe I shall die."</p> + +<p>"Oh, no, you will not die," said Nettie. "Take a book +and read, or do something. We know what is about the +worst that will happen to Fred. He will come home <i>like +that</i> you know, as he did before. We can't mend it, but +we need not break our hearts over it. Lie down on the +sofa, and put up your feet and wrap the shawl round you if +you won't go to bed. I can fancy all very well how it will be. +It is nothing new, Susan, that you should break your heart."</p> + +<p>"It's you that have no feeling. Oh, Nettie, how hard +you are! I don't believe you know what it is to love anybody," +said Susan. "Hark! is that some one coming now?"</p> + +<p>They thought some one was coming fifty times in the +course of that dreadful lingering night. Nobody came; +the silence closed in deeper and deeper around the two +silent women. All the world—everything round about +them, to the veriest atom—seemed asleep. The cricket had +stopped his chirrup in the kitchen, and no mouse stirred in +the slumbering house. By times Susan dozed on the sofa, +shivering, notwithstanding her shawl, and Nettie took up +her needlework for the moment to distract her thoughts. +When Susan started from these snatches of slumber, she +importuned her sister with ceaseless questions and entreaties. +Where had he gone?—where did Nettie imagine he could +have gone?—and oh! would she go to the window and look +out to see if any one was coming, or put the candle to the +window to guide him, if perhaps he might have lost the +way? At last the terrible pale dawn came in and took the +light out of Nettie's candle. The two looked at each other, +and acknowledged with a mutual start that the night was +over. They had watched these long hours through with +sentiments very different; now a certain thrill of sympathy +drew Nettie nearer to her sister. It was daylight again, remorseless +and uncompromising, and where was Fred, who +loved the darkness? He had little money and less credit +in the limited place where himself and his story were known. +What could have become of him? Nettie acknowledged +that there was ground for anxiety. She folded up her work +and put out her candle, and promptly took into consideration +what she could do.</p> + +<p>"If you will go to bed, Susan, I shall go out and look for +him," said Nettie. "He might have stumbled in the field +and fallen asleep. Men have done such things before now, +and been none the worse for it. If you will go and lie +down, I'll see after it, Susan. Now it's daylight, you know, +no great harm can happen to him. Come and lie down, and +leave me to look for Fred."</p> + +<p>"But you don't know where to go, and he won't like to +have you going after him. Nettie, send to Edward," said +Susan; "he ought to come and look after his brother: he +ought to have done it all through, and not to have left us +to manage everything; and he hasn't even been to see us +for ever so long. But send to Edward, Nettie—it's his +business. For Fred won't like to have you going after +him, and you don't know where to go."</p> + +<p>"Fred must have me going after him whether he likes it +or no," said Nettie, sharply, "and I shall not send to Dr +Edward. You choose to insult him whenever you can, and +then you think it is his business to look after his brother. +Go to bed, and leave it to me. I can't leave you shivering +here, to catch something, and be ill, and laid up for weeks. +I want to get my bonnet on, and to see you in bed. Make +haste, and come up-stairs with me."</p> + +<p>Susan obeyed with some mutterings of inarticulate discontent. +The daylight, after the first shock of finding that +the night was really over, brought some comfort to her +foolish heart. She thought that as Nettie said "no more +harm" could come to him, he must be sleeping somewhere, +the foolish fellow. She thought most likely Nettie was +right, and that she had best go to bed to consume the +weary time till there could be something heard of him; +and Nettie, of course, would find it all out.</p> + +<p>Such was the arrangement accordingly. Susan covered +herself up warm, and lay thinking all she should say to him +when he came home, and how she certainly never would +again let him go out and keep it secret from Nettie. +Nettie, for her part, bathed her hot eyes, put on her bonnet, +and went out, quietly undoing all the bolts and bars, +into the chill morning world, where nobody was yet awake. +She was a little uncertain which way to turn, but noway +uncertain of her business. Whether he had gone into the +town, or towards the low quarter by the banks of the canal, +she felt it difficult to conclude. But remembering her own +suggestion that he might have stumbled in the field, and +fallen asleep there, she took her way across the misty grass. +It was still spring, and a little hoar-frost crisped the wintry +sod. Everything lay forlorn and chill under the leaden +morning skies—not even an early market-cart disturbed the +echoes. When the cock crew somewhere, it startled Nettie. +She went like a spectre across the misty fields, looking +down into the ditches and all the inequalities of the way. +On the other side lay the canal, not visible, except by the +line of road that wound beside it, from the dead flat around. +She bent her steps in that direction, thinking of a certain +mean little tavern which, somehow, when she saw it, she +had associated with Fred—a place where the men at the +door looked slovenly and heated, like Fred himself, and +lounged with their hands in their pockets at noon of working-days. +Some instinct guided Nettie there.</p> + +<p>But she had no need to go so far. Before she reached +that place the first sounds of life that she had yet heard +attracted Nettie's attention. They came from a boat which +lay in the canal, in which the bargemen seemed preparing +to start on their day's journey. Some men were leisurely +leading forward the horses to the towing-path, while two +in the boat were preparing for their start inside. All at +once a strange cry rang into the still, chill air—such a cry +as startles all who can hear it. The men with the horses +hurried forward to the edge of the canal, the bargemen +hung over the side of their boat; visible excitement rose +among them about something there. Nettie, never afraid, +was less timid than ever this morning. Without thinking +of the risk of trusting herself with these rude fellows alone, +she went straight forward into the midst of them with a +curiosity for which she could scarcely account; not anxiety, +only a certain wonder and impatience, possessed her to see +what they had here.</p> + +<p>What had they there?—not a man—a dreadful drowned +image, all soiled and swollen—a squalid tragic form, immovable, +never to move more. Nettie did not need to look at +the dread, uncovered, upturned face. The moment she saw +the vague shape of it rising against the side of the boat, a +heap of dead limbs, recognisable only as something human, +the terrible truth flashed upon Nettie. She had found not +him, but It. She saw nothing more for one awful moment—heaven +and earth reeling and circling around her, and a +horror of darkness on her eyes. Then the cold light opened +up again—the group of living creatures against the colourless +skies, the dead creature staring and ghastly, with +awful dead eyes gazing blank into the shuddering day. +The girl steadied herself as she could on the brink of the +sluggish current, and collected her thoughts. The conclusion +to her search, and answer to all her questions, lay, not +to be doubted or questioned, before her. She dared not +yield to her own horror, or grief, or dismay. Susan sleeping, +unsuspicious, in full trust of his return—the slumbering +house into which this dreadful figure must be carried—obliterated +all personal impressions from Nettie's mind. +She explained to the amazed group who and what the dead +man was—where he must be brought to—instantly, silently, +before the world was awake. She watched them lay the +heavy form upon a board, and took off her own shawl to +lay over it, to conceal it from the face of day. Then she +went on before them, with her tiny figure in its girlish dress, +like a child in the shadow of the rough but pitying group +that followed. Nettie did not know why the wind went +so chill to her heart after she had taken off her shawl. She +did not see the unequal sod under her feet as she went +back upon that dread and solemn road. Nothing in the +world but what she had to do occupied the throbbing heroic +heart. There was nobody else to do it. How could the +girl help but execute the work put into her hand? Thinking +neither of the hardship nor the horror of such dread +work falling to her lot, but only this, that she must do it, +Nettie took home to the unconscious sleeping cottage that +thing which was Fred Rider; no heavier on his bearers' +hands to-day than he had been already for years of his +wasted life.</p> + +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_X" id="CHAPTER_X"></a>CHAPTER X.</h3> + + +<p>When Nettie opened the door of the sleeping house with +the great key she had carried with her in her early dreadful +expedition, there was still nobody stirring in the unconscious +cottage. She paused at the door, with the four men +behind her carrying shoulder-high that terrible motionless +burden. Where was she to lay it? In her own room, +where she had not slept that night, little Freddy was still +sleeping. In another was the widow, overcome by watching +and fretful anxiety. The other fatherless creatures lay +in the little dressing-room. Nowhere but in the parlour, +from which Fred not so very long ago had driven his disgusted +brother—the only place she had where Nettie's own +feminine niceties could find expression, and where the accessories +of her own daily life and work were all accumulated. +She lingered even at that dread moment with a pang of +natural reluctance to associate that little sanctuary with the +horror and misery of this bringing-home; but when every +feeling gave way to the pressure of necessity, that superficial +one was not like to resist it. Her companions were not +aware that she had hesitated even for that moment. She +seemed to them to glide softly, steadfastly, without any +faltering, before them into the little silent womanly room, +where her night's work was folded tidily upon the table, +and her tiny thimble and scissors laid beside it. What a +heart-rending contrast lay between those domestic traces and +that dreadful muffled figure, covered from the light of day +with Nettie's shawl, which was now laid down there, Nettie +did not pause to think of. She stood still for a moment, +gazing at it with a sob of excitement and agitation swelling +into her throat; scarcely grief—perhaps that was not possible—but +the intensest remorseful pity over the lost life. +The rude fellows beside her stood silent, not without a certain +pang of tenderness and sympathy in their half-savage +hearts. She took her little purse out and emptied it of its +few silver coins among them. They trod softly, but their +heavy footsteps were heard, notwithstanding, through all +the little house. Nettie could already hear the alarmed +stirring up-stairs of the master and mistress of the cottage; +and, knowing what explanations she must give, and all the +dreadful business before her, made haste to get her strange +companions away before Mrs Smith came down-stairs. One +of them, however, as he followed his comrades out of the +room, from some confused instinct of help and pity, asked +whether he should not fetch a doctor? The question struck +the resolute little girl with a pang sharper than this morning's +horror had yet given her. Had she perhaps neglected +the first duty of all, the possibility of restoration? She +went back, without answering him, to lift the shawl from +that dreadful face, and satisfy herself whether she had done, +that last irremediable wrong to Fred. As she met the +dreadful stare of those dead eyes, all the revulsion of feeling +which comes to the hearts of the living in presence of the +dead overpowered Nettie. She gave a little cry of inarticulate +momentary anguish. The soul of that confused and +tremulous outcry was Pardon! pardon! What love was +ever so true, what tenderness so constant and unfailing, that +did not instinctively utter that cry when the watched life had +ended, and pardon could no longer come from those sealed +lips? Nettie had not loved that shamed and ruined man—she +had done him the offices of affection, and endured and +sometimes scorned him. She stood remorseful by his side +in that first dread hour, which had changed Fred's shabby +presence into something awful; and her generous soul burst +forth in that cry of penitence which every human creature +owes its brother. The tender-hearted bargeman who had +asked leave to fetch a doctor, drew near her with a kindred +instinct—"Don't take on, miss—there's the crowner yet—and +a deal to look to," said the kind rough fellow, who +knew Nettie. The words recalled her to herself—but with +the softened feelings of the moment a certain longing for +somebody to stand by her in this unlooked-for extremity +came over the forlorn courageous creature, who never yet, +amid all her labours, had encountered an emergency like +this. She laid the shawl reverently back over that dead +face, and sent a message to the doctor with lips that trembled +in spite of herself. "Tell him what has happened, +and say he is to come as soon as he can," said Nettie; +"for I do not understand all that has to be done. Tell him +I sent you; and now go—please go before they all come +down-stairs."</p> + +<p>But when Nettie turned in again, after closing the door, +into that house so entirely changed in character by the +solemn inmate who had entered it, she was confronted by +the amazed and troubled apparition of Mrs Smith, half-dressed, +and full of wonder and indignation. A gasping +exclamation of "Miss!" was all that good woman could +utter. She had with her own eyes perceived some of the +"roughs" of Carlingford emerging from her respectable +door under Nettie's grave supervision, and yet could not in +her heart, notwithstanding appearances, think any harm +of Nettie; while, at the same time, a hundred alarms for +the safety of her household gods shook her soul. Nettie +turned towards her steadily, with her face pallid and her +brilliant eyes heavy. "Hush," she said; "Susan knows +nothing yet. Let her have her rest while she can. We +have been watching for him all night, and poor Susan is +sleeping, and does not know."</p> + +<p>"Know what?—what has happened?—he's been and +killed himself? Oh, miss, don't you go for to say so!" +cried Mrs Smith, in natural dismay and terror.</p> + +<p>"No," cried Nettie, with a long sigh that relieved her +breast, "not so bad as that, thank Heaven; but hush, +hush! I cannot go and tell Susan just yet—not just yet. +Oh, give me a moment to get breath! For he is dead! I +tell you, <i>hush</i>!" cried Nettie, seizing the woman's hand, +and wringing it, in the extremity of her terror for alarming +Susan. "Don't you understand me? She is a widow, +and she does not know—her husband is dead, and she +does not know. Have you no pity for her in your own +heart?"</p> + +<p>"Lord ha' mercy! but wait till I call Smith," cried +the alarmed landlady, shrinking, yet eager to know the +horribly interesting details of that tragedy. She ran breathless +up-stairs on that errand, while Nettie went back to the +door of the parlour, resolutely locked it, and took away the +key. "Nobody shall go gazing and talking over him, and +making a wonder of poor Fred," said Nettie to herself, +shaking off from her long eyelashes the tear which came out +of the compunction of her heart. "Poor Fred!" She sat +down on one of the chairs of the little hall beside that +closed door. The children and their mother up-stairs still +slept unsuspicious; and their young guardian, with a world +of thoughts rising in her mind, sat still and pondered. +The past was suddenly cut off from the future by this +dreadful unthought-of event. She had come to a dead +pause in that life, which to every spectator was so strangely +out of accordance with her youth, but which was to herself +such simple and plain necessity as to permit no questioning. +She was brought suddenly to a standstill at this terrible +moment, and sat turning her dauntless little face to the +new trial before her, pale, but undismayed. Nettie did +not deceive herself even in her thoughts. She saw, with +the intuitive foresight of a keen observer, her sister's +violent momentary grief, her indolent acceptance of the +position after a while, the selfish reserve of repining and +discontent which Susan would establish in the memory of +poor Fred: she saw how, with fuller certainty than ever, +because now more naturally, she herself, her mind, her +laborious hands, her little fortune, would belong to the +fatherless family. She did not sigh over the prospect, or +falter; but she exercised no self-delusion on the subject. +There was nobody but she to do it—nobody but she, in +her tender maidenhood, to manage all the vulgar tragical +business which must, this very day, confirm to the +knowledge of the little surrounding world the event which had +happened—nobody but herself to tell the tale to the +widow, to bear all the burdens of the time. Nettie did +not think over these particulars with self-pity, or wonder +over her hard lot. She did not imagine herself to have +chosen this lot at all. There was nobody else to do it—that +was the simple secret of her strength.</p> + +<p>But this interval of forlorn repose was a very brief one. +Smith came down putting on his coat, and looking scared +and bewildered; his wife, eager, curious, and excited, +closely following. Nettie rose when they approached her +to forestall their questions.</p> + +<p>"My brother-in-law is dead," she said. "He fell into +the canal last night and was drowned. I went out to look +for him, and—and found him, poor fellow! Oh, don't +cry out or make a noise: remember Susan does not know! +Now, dear Mrs Smith, I know you are kind—I know you +will not vex me just at this moment. I have had him +laid <i>there</i> till his brother comes. Oh, don't say it's dreadful! +Do you think I cannot see how dreadful it is? but +we must not think about that, only what has to be done. +When Dr Edward comes, I will wake my sister; but just +for this moment, oh have patience! I had no place to put +him except <i>there</i>."</p> + +<p>"But, Lord bless us, he mightn't be clean gone: he +might be recovered, poor gentleman! Smith can run for +Dr Marjoribanks; he is nearer nor Dr Rider," cried the +curious excited landlady, with her hand upon the locked +door.</p> + +<p>Nettie made no answer. She took them into the room +in solemn silence, and showed them the stark and ghastly +figure, for which all possibilities had been over in the dark +midnight waters hours ago. The earliest gleam of sunshine +came shining in at that moment through the window which +last night Nettie had opened that Fred might see the light +in it and be guided home. It seemed to strike like a +reproach upon that quick-throbbing impatient heart, which +felt as a sin against the dead its own lack of natural grief +and affection. She went hurriedly to draw down the +blinds and close out the unwelcome light. "Now he is +gone, nobody shall slight or scorn him," said Nettie to herself, +with hot tears; and she turned the wondering dismayed +couple—already awakening out of their first horror, +to think of the injury done to their house and "lodgings," +and all the notoriety of an inquest—out of the room, and +locked the door upon the unwilling owners, whom nothing +but her resolute face prevented from bursting forth in +selfish but natural lamentations over their own secondary +share in so disastrous an event. Nettie sat down again, a +silent little sentinel by the closed door, without her shawl, +and with her tiny chilled feet on the cold tiles. Nettie +sat silent, too much occupied even to ascertain the causes +of her personal discomfort. She had indeed enough to +think of; and while her little girlish figure, so dainty, so +light, so unlike her fortunes, remained in that unusual +stillness, her mind and heart were palpitating with thoughts—all +kinds of thoughts; not only considerations worthy +the solemnity and horror of the moment, but every kind +of trivial and secondary necessity, passed through that +restless soul, all throbbing with life and action, more self-conscious +than usual from the fact of its outward stillness. +A hundred rapid conclusions and calculations about the +funeral, the mourning, the change of domestic habits involved, +darted through Nettie's mind. It was a relief to +her to leap forward into these after-matters. The immediate +necessity before her—the dreadful errand on which she +must presently go to her sister's bedside—the burst of +wailing and reproachful grief which all alone Nettie would +have to encounter and subdue, were not to be thought of. +She bent down her little head into her hands, and once +more shed back that hair which, never relieved out of its +braids through all this long night, began to droop over her +pale cheeks; and a quick sigh of impatience, of energy +restrained, of such powerlessness as her courageous capable +soul, in the very excess of its courage and capacity, felt in +its approaching conflict with the feeble foolish creature, +who never could be stimulated out of her own narrow +possibilities, burst from Nettie's breast. But the sigh was +as much physical as mental—the long-drawn breath of +mingled weariness and restlessness—the instinct to be +doing, and the exhaustion of long labour and emotion, +blended together. Thus she waited while the cold spring +morning brightened, and Mrs Smith went about her early +domestic business, returning often into the little back-parlour +with the mullioned window, of which domestic +Gothic treatment had made a condemned cell, to re-express +her anxieties and horrors. Nettie had an instinctive +consciousness even of Mrs Smith's grievance. She knew +this dismal association would ruin "the lodgings," and +felt that here was another bond upon her to remain at +St Roque's, however much she might long to escape and +flee away.</p> + +<p>All these crowding and breathless thoughts were a few +minutes after reduced to absolute momentary stillness. It +was by a step outside coming hastily with rapid purpose +along the silent way. Nettie rose up to meet Edward +Rider; not as the angry lover still fiercely resentful of that +rejection, which was no rejection, but only a bare and simple +statement of necessity; not as the suitor of Miss Marjoribanks; +simply as the only creature in the world who could +help her, or to whom she would delegate any portion of +her own hard but inevitable work. She opened the door +before he had time to knock, and held out her hand to him +silently, quite unawares betraying her recognition of his +step—her comfort in his presence. That meeting flushed +the doctor's anxious face with a mingled shame and triumph +not expressible in words, but left Nettie as pale, as +preoccupied, as much absorbed in her thoughts and duties +as before.</p> + +<p>"Dr Edward, I should not have sent for you if I could +have done it all myself," said Nettie; "but I knew you +would think it right to be here now. And I have Susan +and the children to look to. I commit this to you."</p> + +<p>"Do they know?" said the doctor, taking the key she +gave him, and holding fast, with an instinct of compassion +almost more strong than love, the little hand which never +trembled.</p> + +<p>"I will tell Susan, now that you have come—I could not +before," said Nettie, with another sigh. "Poor Susan! I +was glad to let her sleep."</p> + +<p>"But there is no one to think whether you sleep or not," +cried Edward Rider. "And those eyes have watched all +night. Nettie, Nettie, could not you have sent for me +sooner? A word would have brought me at any moment."</p> + +<p>"You were not wanted till now," said Nettie, not without +a touch of womanly pride. "I have always been able to do +my own work, Dr Edward. But, now, don't let us quarrel +any more," she said, after a pause. "You were angry once, +and I don't wonder. Never mind all that, but let us be +friends; and don't let all the people, and strangers, and men +who don't belong to us," cried Nettie once more, with hot +tears in her eyes, "be hard upon poor Fred!"</p> + +<p>The next moment she had vanished up-stairs and left the +doctor alone, standing in the little cold hall with the key in +his hand, and Mrs Smith's troubled countenance beholding +him from far. Edward Rider paused before he entered upon +his dismal share of this morning's work. Death itself did +not suffice to endear Fred Rider to his brother. But he +stood still, with a certain self-reproach, to withdraw his +thoughts, if he could, from Nettie, and to subdue the thrill—the +most living touch of life—which this meeting had +stirred within him, before he entered that miserable chamber +of death.</p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XI" id="CHAPTER_XI"></a>CHAPTER XI.</h3> + + +<p>That dreadful day ebbed over slowly—tedious, yet so full +of events and dismal business that it looked like a year +rather than a day. The necessary investigations were got +through without any special call upon Nettie. She spent +the most of the day up-stairs with Susan, whose wild refusal +to believe at first, and sullen stupor afterwards, were +little different from the picture which Nettie's imagination +had already made. The children received the news with +wondering stares and questions. That they did not understand +it was little, but that they scarcely were interested +after the first movement of curiosity, disappointed and +wounded the impatient heart, which unconsciously chafed +at its own total inability to convey the feelings natural to +such a terrible occasion into any bosom but its own. Nettie's +perpetual activity had hitherto saved her from this +disgust and disappointment. She had been bitterly intolerant +by moments of Fred's disgraceful content and satisfaction +with his own indulgences, but had never paused to fret +over what she could not help, nor contrast her own high +youthful humour and sense of duty with the dull insensibility +around her. But to-day had rapt the heroic little +girl into a different atmosphere from that she had been +breathing hitherto. To-day she was aware that her work +had been so far taken out of her hands, and acknowledged +in her heart that it was best it should be so. She heard +the heavy feet of men coming and going, but was not +obliged to descend into immediate conflict with all the +circumstances of so horrible a crisis. It was a new sensation +to Nettie. A year ago, perhaps, she would not have +relinquished even that dreadful business to any one;—to-day, +the thought of having some one else who did it for her, +and took comfort in relieving her burdened hands, fell with +singular soothing power upon the heart which had come to +a knowledge of its own weakness in these last tedious +months; and as Nettie sat up-stairs with all the remorseful +thoughts of nature in her softened heart, the impossibility +of impressing her own emotions upon those around her +struck her with a deeper sense of impatience, disappointment, +and disgust than ever before. When she went softly +into the darkened room where Susan lay in her gloomy bed, +divided between wailings over the injuries which poor Fred +had suffered, the harshness that had driven him out of doors, +and the want of his brother or somebody to take care of +him, which had brought the poor fellow to such an end—and +complaints of the wrong done to herself, the "want of +feeling" shown by her sister, the neglect with which she +was treated, Nettie gazed at the sobbing creature with eyes +unconsciously wondering, yet but half-surprised. She knew +very well beforehand that this was how her dreadful tidings +would be received; yet out of her own softened, awed, +compunctious heart—her pity too deep for tears over that +lost life—Nettie looked with the unbelief of nature at the +widowed woman, the creature who had loved him, and been +his wife—yet who could only think of somebody else to be +blamed, and of herself injured, at that terrible moment +when the companion of her life was violently withdrawn +from her. And to go out of that obstinately darkened +refuge of fretful sorrow, into the room where the blind had +been drawn up the moment her back was turned, and +where these three tearless children, totally unimpressed by +the information which they had received as a piece of news +with mingled curiosity and scepticism, occupied themselves +with their usual sports, or listened keenly, with sharp +remarks, to the sounds below, which only the utmost +stretch of Nettie's authority could keep them from descending +to investigate, afforded a wonderful reverse to the +picture, which startled her in her momentary clearsightedness. +The contrast between her own feelings—she who +had no bonds of natural affection to Fred, and to whom +he had been, by times, a very irksome burden—and theirs, +who were his very own, and belonged to him, appeared to +Nettie as no such contrast had ever appeared before. <i>Her</i> +heart alone was heavy with regret over the ruined man—the +now for ever unredeemable life: she only, to whom his +death was no loss, but even, if she could have permitted +that cruel thought to intervene, a gain and relief, recognised +with a pang of compassion almost as sharp as grief, that +grievous, miserable fate. When, a few minutes after, the +noise of the children's play rose to an outburst, Nettie +flushed into a momentary effusion of temper, and silenced +the heartless imps with a voice and look which they dared +not venture to resist. Her rebuke was, however, interrupted +by a sudden call from their mother. "How can +you have the heart!—Oh, Nettie, Nettie! I knew you +had no feeling!—you never had any feeling since you were +a baby—but how can you speak so to his poor children, +now that he has left them on the cold world?" cried +Susan, sobbing, from her bed. If Nettie sprang to her +feet in sudden heat and disgust, and peremptorily closed +the doors intervening between the children and their +mother, nobody will much wonder at that movement of +impatience. Perhaps Nettie's eyes had never been so +entirely opened to the hopeless character of the charge she +had taken upon her, as in the temporary seclusion of that +day.</p> + +<p>And meanwhile, down-stairs, Edward Rider was superintending +all the arrangements of the time for Nettie's sake. +Not because it was his brother who lay there, no longer a +burden to any man; nor because natural duty pointed him +out as the natural guardian of the orphaned family. The +doctor, indeed, would have done his duty in such a hard +case, however it had been required of him; but the circumstances +were different now: the melancholy bustle, the +shame, the consciousness that everybody knew what manner +of existence this lost life had been, the exposure, the publicity—all +that would have wrung with a hundred sharp +wounds a spirit so susceptible to public comments—came +with dulled force upon the doctor's mind to-day. When +the people about saw the grave and seemly composure with +which he went about this dismal business, without those +starts and flushes of grievous irritation and shame which +the very mention of his brother had once brought upon him, +they believed, and honoured him in the belief, that death +had awakened the ancient fraternal kindness in Edward +Rider's heart. But it was not fraternal kindness that +smoothed off the rude edges of that burden; it was the consciousness +of doing Nettie's work for her, taking her place, +sparing that creature, over whom his heart yearned, the +hardest and painfulest business she had yet been involved +in. We cannot take credit for the doctor which he did +not deserve. He forgave Fred when he saw his motionless +figure, never more to do evil or offend in this world, laid +in pitiful solitude in that room, which still was Nettie's +room, and which even in death he grudged to his brother. +But Edward's distinct apprehension of right and wrong, +and Fred's deserts in this world, were not altered by that +diviner compunction which had moved Nettie. He forgave, +but did not forget, nor defend with remorseful tenderness +his brother's memory. Not for Fred's sake, but Nettie's, he +held his place in the troubled cottage, and assumed the position +of head of the family. Hard certainties of experience +prevented the doctor's unimaginative mind from respecting +here the ideal anguish of sudden widowhood and bereavement. +This was a conclusion noways unnatural or surprising +for such a life as Fred's—and Edward knew, with that +contemptuous hardness into which incessant personal contact +with the world drives most men, that neither the wife +nor the children were capable of deep or permanent feeling. +"They will only hang upon <i>her</i> all the heavier," he said to +himself, bitterly; and for her, with repentant love, Edward +Rider exerted himself. In all the house no heart, but +Nettie's alone, acknowledged an ache of pity for Fred and +his ruined life. "Mrs Rider, to be sure, will feel at first—it's +only natural," said Mrs Smith; "but there wasn't +nothing else to be looked for; and if it were not hardhearted +to say it, and him lying in his coffin, they'll be a deal better +off without him nor with him. But Smith and me, we have +ourselves to look to, and it's a terrible blow, is this, to a +house as was always as respectable as e'er a one in Carlingford. +The lodgings is ruined! The very marks of the +feet, if it was nothing else!" cried the afflicted landlady, +contemplating the scratched tiles in the hall with actual +tears of vexation and regret. But this was the true state of +the case to every unconcerned spectator. Only Nettie, on +whom the burden had fallen, and was yet to fall heaviest, +felt the eyes, which were hot and heavy with watching, grow +dim with tears of unspeakable compassion. From the fulness +of her youth and strength—strength so burdened, youth +so dauntless and dutiful—Nettie gazed with a pity too +deep for words at the awful spectacle of that existence lost. +That the lifeless thing in the room below could have been +a man, and yet have come and gone so disastrously through +the world, was terrible to think of, to that living labouring +creature, in the depth of her own strange toils and responsibilities. +Her heart ached over that wretched, miserable +fate. Neither toil nor anguish was to be compared to the +dread loss of a life sustained by that departed soul.</p> + +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XII" id="CHAPTER_XII"></a>CHAPTER XII.</h3> + + +<p>In a few days all this solemn crisis was over, and life went +on again in its ordinary tame current, closing over the dishonoured +grave where Fred found his rest, henceforward +nameless in the world that had suffered his existence as a +cumberer of the ground for so many years. Had he been +the prop of his house and the light of their eyes, life would +have gone on again, after that interruption, all the same, with +a persistency which nothing can impair. As it was, the +diminished household resumed its ordinary course of existence, +after a very few days, with little more than outward +marks of what had befallen them. It is true that Nettie +sat down with a repugnance which she scarcely could either +overcome or conceal, to dispense the domestic provisions at +the table which shortly before had borne so dread a burden. +But nobody thought of that except Nettie; and but for the +black dresses and Susan's cap, Fred was as if he had never +been.</p> + +<p>About a week after the funeral, the doctor went solemnly +to visit them in one of those lengthening spring afternoons. +Dr Rider was undeniably nervous and excited about this +interview. He had been at home under pretence of having +luncheon, but in reality to make a solemn toilette, and +wind himself up to the courage necessary for a settlement +of affairs. As he dashed with agitated haste down Grange +Lane, he saw Miss Wodehouse and her sister Lucy coming +from St Roque's, where very probably they too had been +making a visit of condolence to Nettie; and a little nearer +that scene of all his cogitations and troubles appeared, a +much less welcome sight, Miss Marjoribanks, whom all Carlingford, +a month ago, had declared Dr Rider to be "paying +his addresses" to. The guilty doctor took off his hat to +that stout and sensible wayfarer, with a pang of self-disgust +which avenged Nettie. Along the very road where that +little Titania, eager and rapid, had gone upon her dauntless +way so often, to see that comely well-dressed figure, handsome, +sprightly, clever—but with such a world of bright +youth, tenderness, loveliness, everything that touches the +heart of man, between the two! No harm to Miss Marjoribanks; +only shame to the doctor, who, out of angry love, +pique, and mortification, to vex Nettie, had pretended to +transfer the homage due to the fairy princess to that handsome +and judicious woman. The experiment had failed as +entirely as it deserved to do; and here was Edward Rider, +coming back wiser and humbler, content to put that +question over again, and stand once more his chance of what his +pride had called a rejection, perhaps content to make still +greater sacrifices, if the truth were known, and to do anything +Nettie asked him, if Nettie would but condescend to +ask or enter into terms at all.</p> + +<p>He drew up before St Roque's with a dash, which was +much more of agitation than display, and, throwing the +reins at the head of his little groom, leaped out like a man +who did not see where he was going. He saw Mr Wentworth, +however, coming out of the church, and turning +round amazed to look what vehicle had come to so sudden +a standstill there. All the world seemed to be on the road +to St Roque's Cottage that spring afternoon. The doctor +made a surly gesture of recognition as he passed the curate, +who gazed at him in calm astonishment from the church +porch. No other intruder appeared between him and the +Cottage. He hurried along past the willow-trees with their +drooping tassels, surrounded by a certain maze of excitement +and agitation. As he went up to the door, it occurred to +him suddenly how Nettie had recognised his step that dread +morning of Fred's death. The thought came like a stimulus +and encouragement to the doctor. He went in with a +brighter look, a heart more hopeful. She had opened the +door to him before he could knock, held out to him that +tiny morsel of a hand which laboured so hard and constantly, +said—what did Nettie say? how many times had the doctor +conned it over as he went between his patients?—"You +were angry once, and, indeed, I don't wonder." The doctor +went boldly in under the cordial of these simple words. If +she did not wonder that he was angry once, could she think +of saying over again that same conclusion which had cast +him into such wrathful despair? He went in to try his +fortune a second time, secure of his temper at least. <i>That</i> +could never fail, nor sin against Nettie again.</p> + +<p>Edward Rider went in, expectant somehow, even against +his reason, to find an altered world in that house from which +Fred had gone. He knew better, to be sure, but nature +beguiled the young man out of his wisdom. When he +went in to the parlour his eyes were opened. Upon the +sofa—that same sofa where Fred had lain, all slovenly and +mean in his idleness, with his pipe, polluting Nettie's sole +retirement—Mrs Fred lay now in her sombre black dress, +with the white cap circling her faded face. She had her +white handkerchief in her hand, and was carefully arranged +upon the sofa, with a chair placed near for sympathisers. +At the table, working rapidly as usual, sat Nettie. Sometimes +she turned a momentary glance of mingled curiosity +and wonder upon her sister. Evidently she did not interfere +with this development of sorrow. Nettie had enough +to do, besides, with her needlework, and to enjoin a moderate +amount of quietness upon Freddy and his little sister, who +were building wooden bricks into houses and castles on the +floor by her side. When the doctor entered the room he +saw how it was with instantaneous insight. Mrs Fred was +sitting in state, in the pomp of woe, to receive all the compassionate +people who might come to condole with her. +Nettie, half impatient, half glad that her sister could amuse +herself so, sat in busy toleration, putting up with it, carrying +on her own work through it all—and still, as always, +those bonds of her own making closed hard and tenacious +upon the prop of the house. Even the chance of speaking +with her by herself died off into extreme distance. Young +Rider, who came in with the full conviction that anger +could never more rise in his heart against Nettie, grew pale +with passion, resentment, and impatience before he had been +a minute in the room. Always the same! Not relieved out +of her bondage—closer bound and prisoned than ever! He +took, with an impatient involuntary commotion, the chair +placed beside the sofa, and sat down in it abruptly with the +briefest salutations. His hopes and anticipations all went +bitterly back upon his heart. The very rustle of Nettie's +arm as she spread out that little black frock upon the table, +and put on its melancholy trimmings, exasperated afresh +the man who five minutes ago did not believe it possible +that he ever could feel an impulse of displeasure against her +again.</p> + +<p>"I cannot say that I expected to see you, Mr Edward," +said Mrs Fred, lifting her handkerchief to her eyes; "indeed, +when I remember the last time you were here, I +wonder you could think of coming near us. But now my +poor dear Fred is gone, we have nobody to protect us—and +of course you don't mind how you hurt my feelings. If +you had done your duty by my poor fellow when he was +living, he might never—never<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>Here Mrs Fred paused, choked by spiteful tears.</p> + +<p>"Dr Edward, don't mind what Susan says," said Nettie. +"It is very kind of you to come after everything<span class="norewrap">——</span> If +you would only tell the people not to take any notice, but +just to let us go on as usual. They all want to be kind, you +know—they keep coming, and asking what they can do; +and you understand very well there is nothing to do," said +Nettie, with a little pride. "We are just as we were before—nothing +is changed: one does not like to be unkind, but +nobody needs to do anything. We shall get along all the +same."</p> + +<p>"So it seems, indeed," said Dr Rider, with irrepressible +bitterness; "all the same! But, indeed, I came specially +to ask what my sister-in-law meant to do," continued the +doctor, bent on one last appeal. "Now that you are left +to yourself, Mrs Rider, what do you think of doing? Of +course you must have some plans about the children and +your future life?"</p> + +<p>Mrs Fred looked up at him with momentary alarm and +dismay. She did not know what the question meant, but a +certain vague terror seized her. It seemed to imply somehow +that she was now to be left to her own resources. She +gave a certain gasp of appeal to "Nettie!" and took refuge +once more in her handkerchief. The doctor was desperate—he +had no mercy in him.</p> + +<p>"Nettie! always Nettie!" cried the young man. "And +is it true, Nettie—is it all the same? Are you always to +go on toiling for the miserable comforts of other people? +What is to become of us? Have you sold yourself to this +fate?"</p> + +<p>Nettie laid down the little black frock out of her laborious +hands. "You have been up all night, Dr Edward," +she said, with a certain tenderness, looking at his agitated +face; "you are tired out and sick at the heart. I know it +makes you say things you would not say; but after all, you +know, except poor Fred, whom none of you think of, everything +is the very same. I cannot make it different—nothing +can make it different. There is Susan plain enough to be +seen—and there are the children. Sometimes it has come +into my mind," said Nettie, "that as I shall never be able +to afford a <i>very</i> good education for the children, it would be +better to take them out to the colony again, where they +might get on better than here. But it is a dreadful long +voyage; and we have no near friends there, or anywhere +else: and," concluded the steadfast creature, who had +dropped these last words from her lips sentence by sentence, +as if eager to impress upon her own mind the arguments +against that proceeding—"and," said Nettie, with +wistful pathetic honesty, not able to deny the real cause +of the reluctance altogether, "I don't seem to have the +heart for it now."</p> + +<p>Dr Rider started up from his chair. He went to Nettie's +side with a sudden thrill of agitation and passion. He +clasped the hand with which Nettie was smoothing out +that little frock, and crushed the delicate fingers in his +inconsiderate grasp. "Nettie! if you must carry them +always upon your shoulders, cannot we do it together, at +least?" cried the doctor, carried away beyond every boundary +of sense or prudence. He got down on his knees beside +the table, not kneeling to her, but only compelling her +attention—demanding to see the answer of her eyes, the +quiver of her mouth. For that moment Nettie's defences +too fell before this unlooked-for outburst of a love that had +forgotten prudence. Her mouth quivered, her eyes filled. +If it were possible—if it were only possible!<span class="norewrap">——</span> They +had both forgotten the spectators who gazed with curious +eyes, all unaware how deeply their own fate was involved; +and that fate was still trembling in the breathless interval, +when a vulgar finger touched those delicate balances of +possibility, and the crisis was over, perhaps never to return.</p> + +<p>"Nettie!" cried Mrs Fred, "if Edward Rider has no respect +for me, nor for my poor Fred—my poor, dear, injured +husband, that helped to bring him up, and gave up his practice +to him, and died, as I might say, by his neglect—Nettie! +how can you be so cruel to your sister? How can you go +taking his hand, and looking as if he were your lover? You +never had any feeling for me, though everybody thinks so +much of you. And now I know what I have to expect. +The moment my poor dear Fred's head is laid in the grave—as +soon as ever you have me in your own hands, and nobody +to protect me!—oh, my Fred! my Fred!—as soon as +you are gone, this is how they are using your poor helpless +family!—and soon, soon I shall die too, and you will not be +encumbered with <i>me</i>!"</p> + +<p>Long before this sobbing speech was concluded, Dr Rider +had risen to his feet, and was pacing through the little room +with hasty steps of disgust and rage, and an agitation which +overwhelmed all his attempts to master it; while Nettie sat +supporting her head in her hands, pressing her fingers upon +her hot eyes, beholding that fair impossible vision break +and disappear from before her. Nettie's heart groaned within +her, and beat against the delicate bosom which, in its +tender weakness, was mighty as a giant's. She made no +answer to her sister's outcry, nor attempted to comfort the +hysterical sobbing into which Susan fell. Nettie gave up +the hopeless business without being deceived by those selfish +demonstrations. She was not even fortunate enough to be +able to persuade herself into admiring love and enthusiasm +for those to whom necessity obliged her to give up her own +life. She said nothing; she knew the sobs would subside, +the end would be gained, the insignificant soul lapse into +comfort, and with a sigh of compulsory resignation Nettie +yielded once more to her fate.</p> + +<p>"Dr Edward, do not think of me any more," she said, +resolutely, rising and going out to the door with him, in her +simplicity and courage. "You see very well it is impossible. +I know you see it as well as I do. If we could be friends +as we once were, I should be very, very glad, but I don't +think it is possible just now. Don't say anything. We +both know how it is, and neither of us can help it. If we +could get not to think of each other, that would be best," +said Nettie, with another sigh; "but in the mean time let +us say good-bye, and speak of it no more."</p> + +<p>If the doctor did not take his dismissal exactly so—if +Nettie's identification of her own sentiments with his did +lead to a warmer tenderness in that farewell, which could +not be final while such a bond united them, it was at least +with an absolute conviction of the impossibility of any closer +union that they parted. The doctor sprang into his drag +and dashed away to his patients, plunging into the work +which he had somewhat neglected during that exciting day. +He was not without some comfort as he went about his +business with Care behind him, but that very comfort embittered +the pang of the compulsory submission. To think +he must leave her there with those burdens upon her delicate +shoulders—to believe her his, yet not his, the victim +of an unnatural bondage—drove Edward Rider desperate as +he devoured the way. A hundred times in an hour he made +up his mind to hasten back again and snatch her forcibly +out of that thraldom, and yet a hundred times had to fall +back consuming his heart with fiery irritation, and chafing +at all that seemed duty and necessity to Nettie. As he was +proceeding on his troubled way it occurred to him to meet—surely +everybody in Carlingford was out of doors this particular +afternoon!—that prosperous wife, Mrs John Brown, +who had once been Bessie Christian. She was a very pale +apparition now to the doctor, engrossed as he was with an +influence much more imperious and enthralling than hers +had ever been; but the sight of her, on this day of all +others, was not without its effect upon Edward Rider. Had +not she too been burdened with responsibilities which the +doctor would not venture to take upon his shoulders, but +which another man, more daring, <i>had</i> taken, and rendered +bearable? As the thought of that possibility occurred to +him, a sudden vision of Mrs Fred's faded figure flashed +across his eyes. In the excitement of the moment he +touched too sharply with his whip that horse which had +suffered the penalty of most of his vagaries of temper and +imagination for some time past. The long-suffering beast +was aggravated out of patience by that unexpected irritation. +It was all the doctor could do for the next ten +minutes to keep his seat and his command over the exasperated +animal, whose sudden frenzy terrified Mrs Brown, +and drove her to take refuge in the nearest shop. How +little the Carlingford public, who paused at a respectful +distance to look on, guessed those emotions which moved +the doctor as they watched him subduing his rebellious +horse with vigorous arm and passionate looks! Bessie, +with a little palpitation at her heart, could not refrain from +a passing wonder whether the sight of herself had anything +to do with that sudden conflict. Mrs Brown knew +little about St Roque's Cottage, but had heard of Miss +Marjoribanks, who it was not to be supposed could hold a +very absolute sway over the doctor. Meanwhile Dr Rider +struggled with his horse with all the intensity of determination +with which he would have struggled against his +fate had that been practicable. With set teeth and eyes +that blazed with sudden rage and resolution, he subdued +the unruly brute, and forced it to acknowledge his mastery. +When he drove the vanquished animal, all quivering with +pain and passion, on its further course, the struggle had +refreshed his mind a little. Ah, if life and adverse fortune +could but be vanquished so!—but all Edward Rider's resolution +and courage died into hopeless disgust before the +recollection of Mrs Fred upon that sofa. Even with Nettie +at one hand, that peevish phantom on the other, those +heartless imps in insolent possession of the wonderful little +guardian who would not forsake them, made up a picture +which made the doctor's heart sick. No! Nettie was right. +It was impossible. Love, patience, charity, after all, are but +human qualities, when they have to be held against daily +disgusts, irritations, and miseries. The doctor knew as +well as Nettie did that he could not bear it. He knew +even, as perhaps Nettie did not know, that her own image +would suffer from the association; and that a man so faulty +and imperfect as himself could not long refrain from resenting +upon his wife the dismal restraints of such a burden. +With a self-disgust which was most cutting of all, Edward +Rider felt that he should descend to that injustice; and +that not even Nettie herself would be safe against the +effusions of his impatience and indignation. All through +the course of this exciting episode in his life, his own foresight +and knowledge of himself had been torture to the +doctor, and had brought him, in addition to all other trials, +silent agonies of self-contempt which nobody could guess. +But he could not alter his nature. He went through his +day's work very wretched and dejected, yet with an ineffable +touch of secret comfort behind all, which sometimes +would look him in the face for a moment like a passing +sunbeam, yet sometimes seemed to exasperate beyond bearing +the tantalising misery of his fate. A more agitated, +disturbed, passionate, and self-consuming man than the +doctor was not in Carlingford, nor within a hundred miles; +yet it was not perfect wretchedness after all.</p> + +<p>Nettie, on her part, went back to Mrs Fred in the parlour +after she had parted from Edward Rider, with feelings +somewhat different from the doctor's. Perhaps she too had +indulged a certain pang of expectation as to what might +follow after Fred was gone, in the new world that should +be after that change; for Nettie, with all her wisdom of +experience, was still too young not to believe that circumstances +did change everything now and then, even +dispositions and hearts. But before Dr Rider knew it—before +he had even wound up his courage to the pitch of +asking what was now to happen to them—the little Australian +had made up her mind to that which was inevitable. +The same Susan whose ceaseless discontents and +selfish love had driven Nettie across the seas to look for +Fred, was now reposing on that sofa in her widow's cap, +altogether unchanged, as helpless and unabandonable, as +dependent, as much a fool as ever. The superior wretchedness +of Fred's presence and life had partially veiled +Susan's character since they came to Carlingford. Now +she had the field to herself again, and Nettie recognised at +once the familiar picture. From the moment when Susan +in her mourning came down-stairs, Nettie acknowledged +the weakness of circumstances, the pertinacity of nature. +What could she do?—she gave up the scarcely-formed germ +of hope that had begun to appear in her breast. She made +up her mind silently to what must be. No agonies of +martyrdom could have made Nettie desert her post and +abandon these helpless souls. They could do nothing for +themselves, old or young of them; and who was there to do +it all? she asked herself, with that perpetual reference to +necessity which was Nettie's sole process of reasoning on +the subject. Thus considered, the arguments were short +and telling, the conclusion unmistakable. Here was this +visible piece of business—four helpless creatures to be supported +and provided and thrust through life somehow—with +nobody in the world but Nettie to do it; to bring +them daily bread and hourly tendance, to keep them alive, +and shelter their helplessness with refuge and protection. +She drew up her tiny Titania figure, and put back her +silken flood of hair, and stood upright to the full extent of +her little stature, when she recognised the truth. Nobody +could share with her that warfare which was hard to flesh +and blood. There was nothing to be said on the subject—no +possibility of help. She was almost glad when that +interview, which she foresaw, was over, and when Edward +had recognised as well as herself the necessities of the +matter. She went back again out of the little hall where, +for one moment and no more, the lights of youth and love +had flushed over Nettie, suffusing her paleness with rose-blushes. +Now it was all over. The romance was ended, +the hero gone, and life had begun anew.</p> + +<p>"I can't say I ever liked this place," sighed Mrs Fred, +when the lamp was lit that evening, and Nettie had come +down-stairs again after seeing the children in bed. "It +was always dull and dreary to me. If we hadn't been so +far out of Carlingford, things might have been very different. +My poor Fred! instead of taking care of him, all +the dangers that ever could be were put in his way."</p> + +<p>This sentence was concluded by some weeping, of which, +however, Nettie did not take any notice. Making mourning +by lamp-light is hard work, as all poor seamstresses +know. Nettie had no tears in the eyes that were fixed intently +upon the little coat which was to complete Freddy's +outfit; and she did not even look up from that urgent occupation +to deprecate Susan's tears.</p> + +<p>"I tell you, Nettie, I never could bear this place," said +Mrs Fred; "and now, whenever I move, the dreadful +thoughts that come into my mind are enough to kill me. +You always were strong from a baby, and of course it is not +to be expected that you can understand what my feelings +are. And Mrs Smith is anything but kind, or indeed +civil, sometimes; and I don't think I could live through +another of these cold English winters. I am sure I never +could keep alive through another winter, now my poor +Fred's gone."</p> + +<p>"Well?" asked Nettie, with involuntary harshness in +her voice.</p> + +<p>"I don't care for myself," sobbed Mrs Fred, "but it's +dreadful to see you so unfeeling, and to think what would +become of his poor children if anything were to happen to +me. I do believe you would marry Edward Rider if it +were not for me, and go and wrong the poor children, and +leave them destitute. Nobody has the feeling for them +that a mother has; but if I live another winter in England, +I know I shall die."</p> + +<p>"You have thought of dying a great many times," said +Nettie, "but it has never come to anything. Never mind +that just now. What do you want? Do you want me to +take you back to the colony all these thousands of miles, +after so many expenses as there have been already?—or +what is it you want me to do?"</p> + +<p>"You always speak of expenses, Nettie: you are very +poor-spirited, though people think so much of you," said +Susan; "and don't you think it is natural I should wish to +go home, now my poor Fred has been taken away from me? +And you confessed it would be best for the children. We +know scarcely anybody here, and the very sight of <i>that</i> +Edward that was so cruel to my poor Fred<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>"Susan, don't be a fool," said Nettie; "you know better +in your heart. If you will tell me plainly what you want, I +shall listen to you; but if not, I will go up-stairs and put +away Freddy's things. Only one thing I may tell you at +once; you may leave Carlingford if you please, but I shall +not. I cannot take you back again to have you ill all the +way, and the children threatening to fall overboard twenty +times in a day. I did it once, but I will not do it again."</p> + +<p>"You <i>will</i> not?" cried Susan. "Ah, I know what you +mean: I know very well what you mean. You think +Edward Rider<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>Nettie rose up and faced her sister with a little gasp of +resolution which frightened Mrs Fred. "I don't intend to +have anything said about Edward Rider," said Nettie; "he +has nothing to do with it one way or another. I tell you +what I told him, that I have not the heart to carry you all +back again; and I cannot afford it either; and if you want +anything more, Susan," added the peremptory creature, flashing +forth into something of her old spirit, "I shan't go—and +that is surely enough."</p> + +<p>With which words Nettie went off like a little sprite to put +away Freddy's coat, newly completed, along with the other +articles of his wardrobe, at which she had been working all +day. In that momentary impulse of decision and self-will a +few notes of a song came unawares from Nettie's lip, as she +glanced, light and rapid as a fairy, up-stairs. She stopped a +minute after with a sigh. Were Nettie's singing days over? +She had at least come at last to find her life hard, and to +acknowledge that this necessity which was laid upon her was +grievous by times to flesh and blood; but not the less for +that did she arrange Freddy's little garments daintily in the +drawers, and pause, before she went down-stairs again, to +cover him up in his little bed.</p> + +<p>Susan still sat pondering and crying over the fire. Her +tears were a great resource to Mrs Fred. They occupied her +when she had nothing else to occupy herself with; and when +she cast a weeping glance up from her handkerchief to see +Nettie draw her chair again to the table, and lay down a +little pile of pinafores and tuckers which required supervision, +Susan wept still more, and said it was well to be Nettie, +who never was overcome by her feelings. Thus the evening +passed dully enough. Just then, perhaps, Nettie was not a +very conversable companion. Such interviews as that of this +day linger in the heads of the interlocutors, and perhaps +produce more notable effects afterwards than at the moment. +Nettie was not thinking about it. She was simply going +over it again, finding out the tones and meanings which, in +the haste and excitement of their occurrence, did not have +their full force. The fulness of detail that lingers about +such pictures, which are not half apprehended till they have +been gone over again and again, is marvellous. The pinafores +went unconsciously through Nettie's fingers. She was scarcely +aware of Susan crying by the fire. Though it had been +in some degree a final and almost hopeless parting, there was +comfort behind the cloud to Nettie as well as to the doctor. +She had forgotten all about the discussion with which the +evening began before Susan spoke again.</p> + +<p>"Richard Chatham came home with the last mail," said +Susan, making a feeble effort to renew the fight. "He sent +me a letter last week, you know. I daresay he will come to +see us. Richard Chatham from Melbourne, Nettie. I daresay +he will not stay out of the colony long."</p> + +<p>Nettie, who was lost in her own thoughts, made no reply.</p> + +<p>"I daresay," repeated Mrs Fred, "he will be going out +again in a month or two. I do not believe he could bear +this dreadful English winter any more than I could. I +daresay he'd be glad to take care of us out—if you should +change your mind about going, Nettie."</p> + +<p>Nettie gave her sister a glance of resolution and impatience—a +swift glance upward from her work, enough +to show she marked and understood—but still did not +speak.</p> + +<p>"Richard Chatham was always very good-natured: it +would be such a good thing for us to go in the same ship—if +you should happen to change your mind about going, +Nettie," said Mrs Fred, rising to retire to her room. "I +am going to bed to try to get a little sleep. Such wretched +nights as I have would kill anybody. I should not wonder +if Richard Chatham came some of these days to see us. +Poor fellow! he had always a great fancy for <i>our</i> family; +and it would be <i>such</i> a thing for us, Nettie, if you should +change your mind about going, to go in the same ship!"</p> + +<p>With which Parthian shot Mrs Fred made her way up-stairs +and retired from the field. Nettie woke with a +startled consciousness out of her dreams, to perceive that +here was the process of iteration begun which drives the +wisest to do the will of fools. She woke up to it for a +moment, and, raising her drooping head, watched her sister +make her way, with her handkerchief in her hand, and the +broad white bands of her cap streaming over her shoulders, +to the door. Susan stole a glance round before she disappeared, +to catch the startled glance of that resolute little +face, only half woke up, but wholly determined. Though +Mrs Fred dared not say another word at that moment, she +disappeared full of the conviction that her arrow had told, +and that the endless persistence with which she herself, a +woman and a fool, was gifted, need only be duly exercised +to win the day. When Susan was gone, that parting arrow +did quiver for a moment in Nettie's heart; but the brave +little girl had, for that one night, a protection which her +sister wist not of. After the door closed, Nettie fell back +once more into that hour of existence which expanded and +opened out the more for every new approach which memory +made to it. Sweet nature, gentle youth, and the Magician +greater than either, came round her in a potent circle +and defended Nettie. The woman was better off than the +man in this hour of their separation, yet union. He +chafed at the consolation which was but visionary; she, +perhaps, in that visionary, ineffable solacement found a +happiness greater than any reality could ever give.</p> + +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XIII" id="CHAPTER_XIII"></a>CHAPTER XIII.</h3> + + +<p>It was some months after the time of this conversation +when a man, unlike the usual aspect of man in Carlingford, +appeared at the inn with a carpet-bag, and asked his +way to St Roque's Cottage. Beards were not common in +those days: nobody grew one in Carlingford except Mr +Lake, who, in his joint capacity of portrait-painter and +drawing-master, represented the erratic and lawless followers +of Art to the imagination of the respectable town. But +the stranger who made his sudden appearance at the Blue +Boar wore such a forest of hair on the lower part of his +burly countenance as obliterated all ordinary landmarks +in that region, and by comparison made Mr Lake's dainty +little mustache and <i>etceteras</i> sink into utter propriety and +respectableness. The rest of the figure corresponded with +this luxuriant feature; the man was large and burly, a +trifle too stout for a perfect athlete, but powerful and +vigorous almost beyond anything then known in Carlingford. +It was now summer, and warm weather, and the dress of +the new-comer was as unusual as the other particulars of +his appearance. In his broad straw-hat and linen coat he +stood cool and large in the shady hall of the Blue Boar, +with glimpses of white English linen appearing under his +forest of beard, and round his brown sun-scorched wrists. +A very small stretch of imagination was necessary to thrust +pistols into his belt and a cutlass into his hand, and reveal +him as the settler-adventurer of a half-savage disturbed +country, equally ready to work or to fight, and more at +home in the shifts and expedients of the wilderness than +among the bonds of civilisation; yet always retaining, as +English adventurers will, certain dainty personal particulars—such, +for instance, as that prejudice in favour of +clean linen, which only the highest civilisation can cultivate +into perfection. He went off down Grange Lane +with the swing and poise of a Hercules when the admiring +waiters directed him to the Cottage. Miss Wodehouse, +who was standing at the door with Lucy, in the long grey +cloak and close bonnet lately adopted by the sisterhood of +mercy, which had timidly, under the auspices of the perpetual +curate, set itself a-going at St Roque's, looked after +the <ins title="original has salvage">savage</ins> man with an instinct of gentle curiosity, +wondering where he was going and where he came from. +To tell the truth, that tender-hearted soul could with more +comfort to herself have stepped down a little on the road +to St Roque's, and watched whether that extraordinary +figure was in search of Nettie—a suspicion which immediately +occurred to her—than she could set out upon the +district-visiting, to which Lucy now led her forth. But +Miss Wodehouse had tremulously taken example by the +late rector, whose abrupt retirement from the duties for +which he did not feel himself qualified, the good people in +Carlingford had scarcely stopped discussing. Miss Wodehouse, +deeply impressed in her gentle mind by the incidents +of that time, had considered it her duty to reclaim +if possible—she who had no circle of college dons to retire +into—her own life from its habits of quiet indolence. +She consented to go with Lucy into all the charitable +affairs of Carlingford. She stood silent with a pitying +face, and believed in all the pretences of beggary which +Lucy saw through by natural insight. But it was no more +her natural element than the long grey cloak was a natural +garment for that spotless, dove-coloured woman. Her +eyes turned wistfully after the stranger with suppressed +impulses of gentle curiosity and gossip. She knew very +well he did not belong to Carlingford. She knew nobody +in Grange Lane or the neighbourhood to whom he could +belong. She wanted very much to stop and inquire at +the stable-boy of the Blue Boar, their own gardener's son, +who and what this new-comer was, and turned back to +look after him before she turned out of George Street +following Lucy, with lively anxiety to know whether he +was going to St Roque's. Perhaps the labours of a sisterhood +of mercy require a special organisation even of the +kind female soul. Miss Wodehouse, the most tender-hearted +of human creatures, did not rise to that development; +and, with a little pang of unsatisfied wonder, saw +the unaccustomed Hercules disappear in the distance without +being able to make out whither he was bound.</p> + +<p>Nobody, however, who had been privileged to share the +advantages of Mrs Fred Rider's conversation for some +time back, could be at a loss to guess who this messenger +from the wilderness was. It was Richard Chatham come +at last—he with whose name Nettie had been bored and +punctured through and through from the first day of his +introduction into Susan's talk till now. Mrs Fred had +used largely in the interval that all-potent torture of the +"continual dropping;"—used it so perpetually as, though +without producing any visible effect upon Nettie's resolution, +to introduce often a certain sickness and disgust +with everything into that steadfast soul. Nor did she content +herself with her own exertions, but skilfully managed +to introduce the idea into the minds of the children—ready, +as all children are, for change and novelty. Nettie +had led a hard enough life for these three months. She +could not meet Edward Rider, nor he her, with a calm +pretence of friendship; and Susan, always insolent and +spiteful, and now mistress of the position, filled the doctor +with an amount of angry irritation which his longings +for Nettie's society could not quite subdue. That perpetual +barrier between them dismayed both. Meetings which +always ended in pain were best avoided, except at those +intervals when longing love could not, even under that +penalty, refuse itself the gratification; but the dismal +life which was lighted up only by those unfrequent, agitating, +exasperating encounters, and which flowed on through +a hundred petty toilsome duties to the fretful accompaniment +of Susan's iterations and the novel persecution now +carried on by the children, was naturally irksome to the +high-spirited and impatient nature which, now no longer +heart-whole or fancy-free, did not find it so easy to carry +its own way triumphantly through those heavy clogs of +helplessness and folly. In the days when Miss Wodehouse +pitied and wondered, Nettie had required no sympathy; +she had carried on her course victorious, more entirely +conscious of the supreme gratification of having her own +way than of the utter self-sacrifice which she made to Fred +and his family. But now the time predicted by Miss Wodehouse +had arrived. Nettie's own personal happiness had +come to be at stake, and had been unhesitatingly given up. +But the knowledge of that renunciation dwelt with Nettie. +Not all the natural generosity of her mind—not that still +stronger argument which she used so often, the mere necessity +and inevitableness of the case—could blind her eyes +to the fact that she <i>had</i> given up her own happiness; and +bitter flashes of thought would intervene, notwithstanding +even the self-contempt and reproach with which she became +aware of them. That doubtful complicated matter, +most hard and difficult of mortal problems, pressed hard +upon Nettie's mind and heart. In former days, when she +scornfully denied it to be self-sacrifice, and laboured on, +always indomitable, unconscious that what she did was +anything more than the simplest duty and necessity, all +was well with the dauntless, all-enterprising soul; but +growing knowledge of her own heart, of other hearts, cast +dark and perplexing shades upon Nettie, as upon all other +wayfarers, in these complex paths. The effect upon her +mind was different from the effect to be expected according +to modern sentimental ethics. Nettie had never doubted +of the true duty, the true necessity, of her position, till she +became conscious of her vast sacrifice. Then a hundred +doubts appalled her. Was she so entirely <i>right</i> as she had +supposed? Was it best to relieve the helpless hands of Fred +and Susan of their natural duties, and bear these burdens +for them, and disable herself, when her time came, from +the nobler natural yoke in which her full womanly influence +might have told to an extent impossible to it now? +These questions made Nettie's head, which knew no fanciful +pangs, ache with painful thought, and confused her +heart and dimmed her lights when she most needed them +to burn brightly. While, at the very time when these +doubts assailed her, her sister's repetitions and the rising +discontent and agitations of the children, came in to over-cloud +the whole business in a mist of sick impatience and +disgust. Return to Australia was never out of Susan's +mind, never absent from her pertinacious foolish lips. +Little Freddy harped upon it all day long, and so did his +brother and sister. Nettie said nothing, but retired with +exasperated weariness upon her own thoughts—sometimes +thinking, tired of the conflict, why not give in to them? +why not complete the offering, and remove once for all into +the region of impossibility that contradictory longing for +another life that still stirred by times in her heart? She +had never given expression to this weary inclination to +make an end of it, which sometimes assailed her fatigued +soul; but this was the condition in which Richard +Chatham's visit found her, when that Bushman, breathing of +the wilds and the winds, came down the quiet suburban +road to St Roque's, and, filling the whole little parlour +with his beard and his presence, came stumbling into the +confined room, where Mrs Fred still lay on the sofa, and +Nettie pursued her endless work.</p> + +<p>"Sorry to hear of the poor doctor's accident," said the +Australian, to whom Fred bore that title. "But he always +was a bit of a rover; though it's sad when it comes to +that. And so you are thinking of a return to the old +colony? Can't do better, <i>I</i> should say—there ain't room +in this blessed old country for anything but tax-gatherers +and gossips. I can't find enough air to breathe, for my +part—and what there is, is taxed—leastways the light is, +which is all the same. Well, Mrs Rider! say the word, +ma'am, and I'm at your disposal. I'm not particular for +a month or two, so as I get home before next summer; +and if you'll only tell me your time, I'll make mine suit, +and do the best I can for you all. Miss Nettie's afraid of +the voyage, is she? That's a new line for her, I believe. +Something taken her fancy in this horrid old box of a +place, eh? Ha! ha! but I'll be head-nurse and courier +to the party, Miss Nettie, if you trust yourselves to me."</p> + +<p>"We don't mean to go back, thank you," said Nettie. +"It is only a fancy of Susan's. Nobody ever dreamt of +going back. It is much too expensive and troublesome to +be done so easily. Now we are here, we mean to stay."</p> + +<p>The Bushman looked a little startled, and his lips formed +into a whistle of astonishment, which Nettie's resolute +little face kept inaudible. "Taken your fancy very much, +eh, Miss Nettie?" said the jocular savage, who fancied +raillery of one kind or other the proper style of conversation +to address to a young lady. Nettie gave that big hero a +flashing sudden glance which silenced him. Mr Chatham +once more formed an inaudible whew! with his lips, and +looked at Mrs Fred.</p> + +<p>"But <i>your</i> heart inclines to the old colony, Miss Susan?—I +beg your pardon—didn't remember what I was saying +at that moment. Somehow you look so much as you used +to do, barring the cap," said the Australian, "that one +forgets all that has happened. You incline to cross the +seas again, Mrs Rider, without thinking of the expense?—and +very sensible too. There never was a place like this +blessed old country for swallowing up a man's money. +You'll save as much in a year in the colony as will take +you across."</p> + +<p>"That is what I always say;—but of course my wishes +are little thought of," said Mrs Fred, with a sigh; "of +course it's Nettie we have to look to now. If she does not +choose, to be sure, it does not matter what I wish. Ah! +if I don't look different, I feel different—things are changed +<i>now</i>."</p> + +<p>The Bushman gave a puzzled glance, first at one sister +and then at the other. It occurred to him that Fred had +not been so much of a strength and protection to his family +as this speech implied, and that Nettie had been the +person whom Mrs Rider had to "look to" even before +they left that colony for which she now sighed. But Mrs +Fred, in her sorrow and her white cap, was an interesting +figure to the eyes which were not much accustomed to look +upon womankind. He had no doubt hers was a hard case. +Nettie sat opposite, very busy, silent, and resolute, flashing +dangerous sudden glances occasionally at her languid sister +and their big visitor. It was confusing to meet those +brilliant impatient wrathful eyes; though they were +wonderfully bright, they put out the wild man of the +woods, and made him feel uncomfortable. He turned with +relief to those milder orbs which Mrs Fred buried in her +handkerchief. Poor little oppressed woman, dependent +upon that little arbitrary sister! The sincerest pity awoke +in the Bushman's heart.</p> + +<p>"Well!" he said, good-humouredly, "I hope you'll +come to be of one mind when Miss Nettie thinks it over +again; and you have only to drop me a line to let me know +when your plans are formed; and it will go hard with me, +but I'll make mine suit them one way or another. All +that I can do for you in the way of outfit or securing your +passages—or even, if you would allow me<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>Here the good fellow paused, afraid to venture any +further. Nettie looked up in a sudden blaze, and transfixed +him with her eye.</p> + +<p>"We have enough for everything we want, thank you," +said Nettie, looking through and through his guilty benevolent +intentions, and bringing a flush of confusion to his +honest cheeks. "When I say I cannot afford anything, +I don't mean to ask anybody's assistance, Mr Chatham. +We can do very well by ourselves. If it came to be best +for the children—or if Susan keeps on wishing it, and gets +her own way, as she generally does," said Nettie, with +heightened colour, dropping her eyes, and going on at +double speed with her work, "I daresay we shall manage +it as we did before. But that is my concern. Nobody in +the world has anything to do with it but me."</p> + +<p>"Oh, Nettie, dear, you're giving in at last!—do say +you'll go! and Mr Chatham promises he'll take care of us +on the way," cried Mrs Fred, clasping her hands. They +were thin hands, and looked delicate in contrast with her +black dress. She was very interesting, pathetic, and tender +to the rough eyes of the Bushranger. He thought that +imperative little creature opposite, with her brilliant glances, +her small head drooping under those heavy braids of +hair, her tiny figure and rapid fingers, looked like a little +cruel sprite oppressing the melancholy soul. When Nettie +rose from the table, goaded into sudden intolerance by that +appeal, the climax of the "continual dropping," and threw +her work indignantly on the table, and called Freddy to +come directly, and get dressed for his walk, the impression +made by her supposed arbitrary and imperious behaviour +was not diminished. She went out disdainful, making no +reply, and left those two to a private conference. Then +Mrs Fred unbosomed her bereaved heart to that +sympathetic stranger. She told him how different everything was +now—how hard it was to be dependent even on one's sister—how +far otherwise things might have been, if poor dear +Fred had been more prudent: one way or other, all her life +through, Susan had been an injured woman. All her desire +was to take the children back to the colony before she died. +"If Nettie would but yield!" sighed Mrs Fred, clasping +her hands.</p> + +<p>"Nettie must yield!" cried the Bushranger, full of emotion; +and Susan cried a little, and told him how much the +poor dear children wished it; and knew in her fool's heart +that she had driven Nettie to the extremest bounds of +patience, and that a little more persistence and iteration +would gain the day.</p> + +<p>In the mean time Nettie went out with Freddy—the +other two being at school—and took him across the fields +for his afternoon walk. The little fellow talked of Australia +all the way, with a childish treachery and betrayal of +her cause which went to Nettie's heart. She walked by +his side, hearing without listening, throbbing all over with +secret disgust, impatience, and despair. She too perceived +well enough the approaching crisis. She saw that once +more all her own resolution—the purpose of her heart—would +be overborne by the hopeless pertinacity of the unconvincible, +unreasoning fool. She did not call her sister hard +names—she recognised the quality without giving it its +appropriate title—and recognised also, with a bitterness of +resistance, yet a sense of the inevitable, not to be described, +the certain issue of the unequal contest. What chance had +the generous little heart, the hasty temper, the quick and +vivacious spirit, against that unwearying, unreasoning pertinacity? +Once more she must arise, and go forth to the +end of the world: and the sacrifice must be final now.</p> + +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XIV" id="CHAPTER_XIV"></a>CHAPTER XIV.</h3> + + +<p>"Well, it's to be hoped she's going to do well for herself—that's +all we've got to do with it, eh? I suppose so," said +Mr Wodehouse; "she's nothing to you, is she, but a little +girl you've taken a deal of notice of?—more notice than was +wanted, if I am any judge. If she does go and marry this +fellow from Australia, and he's willing to take the whole +bundle back to where they came from, it is the best thing +that could happen, in <i>my</i> opinion. Sly young dog, that doctor, +though, I must say—don't you think so? Well, that's +how it appears to me. Let's see; there was Bessie<span class="norewrap">——</span>; +hum! perhaps it's as well, in present circumstances, to +name no names. There was <i>her</i>, in the first instance, +you know; and the way he got out of that was beautiful; +it was what I call instructive, was that. And then—why +then, there was Miss Marjoribanks, you know—capital +match that—just the thing for young Rider—set him up +for life."</p> + +<p>"Papa, pray—<i>pray</i> don't talk nonsense," said Miss Wodehouse, +with gentle indignation. "Miss Marjoribanks is at +least ten years<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>"Oh, stuff!—keep your old-maidish memory to yourself, +Molly; who cares for a dozen years or so? Hasn't she all +the old Scotchman's practice and his savings?—and a fine +woman yet—a fine woman, eh? Well, yes, I think so; and +then here's this little wretch of a sister-in-law. Why, the +doctor's taken your <i>rôle</i>, Wentworth, eh? Well, I suppose +what ought to be your <i>rôle</i>, you know, though I <i>have</i> seen +you casting glances at the strange little creature yourself."</p> + +<p>"Indeed, I assure you, you are entirely mistaken," said +Mr Wentworth, hastily, with a sudden flush of either indignation +or guilt. The curate glanced at Lucy Wodehouse, who +was walking demurely by his side, but who certainly did +prick up her ears at this little bit of news. She saw very +well that he had looked at her, but would take no notice of +his glance. But Lucy's curiosity was notably quickened, +notwithstanding; St Roque's Cottage was wonderfully +handy, if the perpetual curate of the pretty suburban church +saw anything worth visiting there. Lucy drew up her pretty +shoulders in her grey sister-of-mercy cloak, and opened her +blue eyes a little wider. She was still in circumstances to +defy her reverend lover, if his eyes had declined upon lower +attractions than her own. She looked very straight before +her with unpitying precision down the road, on which St +Roque's Church and Cottage were becoming already visible. +The whole party were walking briskly over a path hard with +frost, which made their footsteps ring. The air was still +with a winterly touch, benumbed with cold, yet every sound +rang sharply through that clear cloudless atmosphere, reddened +without being warmed by the sun as it approached +the west. It was Christmas again, and they were wending +their way towards St Roque's to assist at the holiday decorations, +for which cartloads of laurel and holly had been already +deposited within the church. Lucy Wodehouse was chief +directress of these important operations. Her sister had +accompanied her, partly to admire Lucy's work, and partly +to call at the cottage and see how Nettie was going on. Mr +Wodehouse himself had come merely for the pride and +pleasure of seeing how much they were indebted to his little +girl; and the attendance of the curate was most easily explainable. +It was, indeed, astonishing how many extremely +necessary and natural "calls of duty" should bring Mr +Wentworth's path parallel to that of the Wodehouses. This +is why they were all proceeding together on this particular +afternoon in the week before Christmas towards St Roque's.</p> + +<p>In the church, when the party arrived, a little group of +workers were busy. The chancel arch was already bristling +with glossy holly-leaves. At a little distance from the active +group occupied with this pleasant work, and full of chatter +and consultation, as was natural, stood one little figure +pointing out to two children the wonders of that decorative +art. Every one of the new-comers, except Mr Wodehouse, +recognised Nettie before she was aware of their presence. +She stood with her bonnet fallen a little back, as it generally +was, either by encounter of the wind, or by the quantity +and luxuriance of her beautiful hair, looking upwards +to the point where she had directed the children's eyes. +She looked a little forlorn and solitary, as was natural, all by +herself, so near that group of busy girls in the chancel—so +little separated from them by age, so entirely divided by +circumstances. If a certain softening of half-tender pity +shone in the curate's eye, could Lucy Wodehouse blame +him? But the fact was, Lucy swept past the little Australian +with a very brief salutation, and burst into sudden criticism +of the work that had been done in her absence, which +startled her collaborateurs, while Mr Wentworth followed +her into the chancel with a meekness quite unusual to that +young priest. Nettie noted both circumstances with a little +surprise; but, not connecting them in the most distant +degree with herself, turned round with a little twitch of +Freddy's arm to go away, and in doing so almost walked +into the arms of her older and more faithful friend. Miss +Wodehouse kissed her quite suddenly, touching with her +soft old cheek that rounder, fairer, youthful face, which +turned, half wondering, half pleased, with the look of a +child, to receive her caress. Nettie was as unconscious that +Miss Wodehouse's unusual warmth was meant to make up +for Lucy's careless greeting, as that Lucy had passed her +with a positive flutter of resentment and indignation, and +that she had been the subject of the conversation and +thoughts of all the party. Miss Wodehouse turned with +her, taking Freddy's other hand—a proceeding to which that +hero rather demurred. They went out together to the frosty +road, where the bare willow-branches rustled between the +church and the cottage. When they reached the porch of +St Roque's, Nettie instinctively held her breath, and stood +still for a moment. Along the footpath in front of them a +big figure was passing, and beyond that bearded shadow the +doctor's drag flew past with all the separate tones of the +horse's feet, the wheels, the jingle of the harness, ringing +clear through the sharp unsoftened medium of that frosty +atmosphere. The doctor himself had all his attention concentrated +upon the windows of the cottage, in which the sun +was blazing red. He did not see Nettie in the church porch. +He was looking for her too intently in the crimsoned windows, +to which he turned his head back as he dashed on. +Unawares Nettie clasped the fingers of her little companion +tighter in her hand as she watched that unexpected homage. +The drag was out of sight in another moment; and in a few +seconds more the bell of the cottage pealed audibly, and the +door was heard to open, admitting the Bushman, who had +come upon one of his frequent visits. That last sound disturbed +Nettie's composure, and at the same time brought +her back to herself.</p> + +<p>"I cannot ask you to go in, for Mr Chatham is there, and +Susan of course talking to him," said Nettie, with a quiet +breath of restrained impatience, "but I should like to talk +to you, please. Let me take the children home, and then I +will walk up with you. Mrs Smith is very kind; she will +take off their things for them: they behave better now, +when I am out for a few minutes—though, to be sure, I +never am out much to try them. Come, children; be good, +and do not make a great noise till I come back."</p> + +<p>"What do you want to talk to <i>her</i> for?" asked the little +girl, gazing coldly in Miss Wodehouse's face.</p> + +<p>"When Nettie went out to tea, we made as much noise +as we liked," said Freddy, "but there was papa there. +Now there's only mamma, and she's so cross. I hate Chatham—mamma +is always crossest when Chatham's there. +What do you want to talk to people for, Nettie? Come in, +and say there's to be toast, and let us have tea."</p> + +<p>"We never have any tea till Nettie comes back," added +his sister, looking full once more into Miss Wodehouse's +face. The calm childish impertinence disconcerted that +gentle woman. She gazed at the wonderful creatures with +dumb amazement. Her eyes fell before their steady stare. +"I should be sorry to bring you out again, dear, if it's a +trouble," began Miss Wodehouse, turning her face with a +sense of relief from the hard inspection of the children to +their little guardian.</p> + +<p>Nettie made no reply, but carried off her children to the +cottage door, turned them peremptorily in, and issued her +last orders. "If you make a noise, you shall not go," said +Nettie; and then came back alert, with her rapid fairy steps, +to Miss Wodehouse's side.</p> + +<p>"Does not their mother take any charge of them?" faltered +the gentle inquisitor. "I never can understand you +young people, Nettie. Things were different in my days. +Do you think it's quite the best thing to do other people's +duties for them, dear? and now I'm so sorry—oh, so sorry—to +hear what you are going to do now."</p> + +<p>"Susan is delicate," said Nettie. "She never had any +health to speak of—I mean, she always got better, you know, +but never had any pleasure in it. There must be a great +deal in that," continued Nettie, reflectively; "it never +comes into my head to think whether I am ill or well; but +poor Susan has always had to be thinking of it. Yes, I shall +have to take them away," she added again, after a pause. +"I am sorry, very sorry too, Miss Wodehouse. I did not +think at one time that I had the heart to do it. But on the +whole, you know, it seems so much better for them. Susan +will be stronger out there, and I have not money enough to +give the children a very good education. They will just +have to push their way like the others; and in the colony, +you know, things are so different. I have no doubt in my +own mind now that it will be best for them all."</p> + +<p>"But, Nettie, Nettie, what of yourself? will it be best +for you?" cried Miss Wodehouse, looking earnestly in her +face.</p> + +<p>"What is best for them will be best for me," said Nettie, +with a little impatient movement of her head. She said so +with unfaltering spirit and promptitude. She had come to +be impatient of the dreary maze in which she was involved. +"If one must break one's heart, it is best to do it at once +and have done with it," said Nettie, under her breath.</p> + +<p>"What was that you said about your heart?" said Miss +Wodehouse. "Ah, my dear, that is what I wanted to speak +of. You are going to be married, Nettie, and I wanted to +suggest to you, if you won't be angry. Don't you think +you could make some arrangement about your sister and +her family, dear?—not to say a word against the Australian +gentleman, Nettie, whom, of course, I don't know. A man +may be the best of husbands, and yet not be able to put up +with a whole family. I have no doubt the children are very +nice clever children, but their manner is odd, you know, for +such young creatures. You have been sacrificing yourself +for them all this time; but remember what I say—if you +want to live happily, my dear, you'll have to sacrifice them +to your husband. I could not be content without saying as +much to you, Nettie. I never was half the good in this +world that you are, but I am nearly twice as old—and one +does pick up some little hints on the way. That is what +you must do, Nettie. Make some arrangement, dear. If he +has promised to take them out with you, that is all right +enough; but when you come to settle down in your new +home, make some arrangement dear."</p> + +<p>When Miss Wodehouse arrived breathless at the conclusion +of a speech so unusually long for her, she met Nettie's +eyes flashing upon her with the utmost surprise and curiosity. +"I shall never marry anybody," said Nettie. "What +do you mean?"</p> + +<p>"Don't say anything so foolish," said Miss Wodehouse, a +little nettled. "Do you suppose I don't know and see <i>that</i> +Mr Chatham coming and going? How often has he been +seen since the first time, Nettie? and do you suppose it's all +been benevolence? My dear, I know better."</p> + +<p>Nettie looked up with a startled glance. She did not +blush, nor betray any pleasant consciousness. She cast one +dismayed look back towards the cottage, and another at Miss +Wodehouse. "Can <i>that</i> be why he comes?" said Nettie, +with quiet horror. "Indeed, I never thought of it before—but +all the same, I shall never marry anybody. Do you +imagine," cried the brilliant creature, flashing round upon +poor Miss Wodehouse, so as to dazzle and confuse that +gentlewoman, "that a man has only to intend such a thing +and it's all settled? I think differently. Twenty thousand +Chathams would not move me. I shall never marry anybody, +if I live to be as old as—as you, or Methuselah, or +anybody. It is not my lot. I shall take the children out +to Australia, and do the best I can for them. Three children +want a great deal of looking after—and after a while in Carlingford, +you will all forget that there ever was such a creature +as Nettie. No, I am not crying. I never cry. I should +scorn to cry about it. It is simply <i>my business</i>. That is +what it is. One is sorry, of course, and now and then it feels +hard, and all that. But what did one come into the world +for, I should like to know? Does anybody suppose it was +just to be comfortable, and have one's own way? I have +had my own way a great deal—more than most people. If +I get crossed in some things, I have to bear it. That is all I +am going to say. I have got other things to do, Miss Wodehouse. +I shall never marry anybody all my life."</p> + +<p>"My dear, if you are thrown upon this Mr Chatham for +society all the time of the voyage, and have nobody else to +talk to<span class="norewrap">——</span>" said the prudent interlocutor.</p> + +<p>"Then we'll go in another ship," cried Nettie, promptly; +"that is easily managed. I know what it is, a long voyage +with three children—they fall up the cabin-stairs, and they +fall down the forecastle; and they give you twenty frights +in a day that they will drop overboard. One does not have +much leisure for anything—not even for thinking, which is a +comfort sometimes," added Nettie, confidentially, to herself.</p> + +<p>"It depends upon what you think of, whether thinking is +a comfort or not," said good Miss Wodehouse. "When I +think of you young people, and all the perplexities you get +into! There is Lucy now, vexed with Mr Wentworth about +something—oh, nothing worth mentioning; and there was +poor Dr Rider! How he did look behind him, to be +sure, as he went past St Roque's! I daresay it was you +he was looking for, Nettie. I wish you and he could +have fancied each other, and come to some arrangement +about poor Mr Fred's family—to give them so much to live +on, or something. I assure you, when I begin to think over +such things, and how perverse both people and circumstances +are, thinking is very little comfort to me."</p> + +<p>Miss Wodehouse drew a long sigh, and was by no means +disinclined to cry over her little companion. Though she +was the taller of the two, she leant upon Nettie's firm little +fairy arm as they went up the quiet road. Already the +rapid winter twilight had fallen, and before them, in the +distance, glimmered the lights of Carlingford—foremost +among which shone conspicuous the large placid white lamp +(for professional reds and blues were beneath his dignity) +which mounted guard at Dr Marjoribanks's garden gate. +Those lights, beginning to shine through the evening darkness, +gave a wonderful look of home to the place. Instinctively +there occurred to Nettie's mind a vision of how it +would be on the sea, with a wide dark ocean heaving +around the solitary speck on its breast. It did not matter! +If a silent sob arose in her heart, it found no utterance. +Might not Edward Rider have made that suggestion which +had occurred only to Miss Wodehouse? Why did it never +come into his head that Susan and her family might have +a provision supplied for them, which would relieve Nettie? +He had not thought of it, that was all. Instead of that, he +had accepted the impossibility. Nettie's heart had grown +impatient in the maze of might-be's. She turned her +back upon the lights, and clasped Miss Wodehouse's hand, +and said good-night hastily. She went on by herself very +rapidly along the hard gleaming road. She did not pay +any attention to her friend's protestation that she too was +coming back again to St Roque's to join Lucy—on the contrary, +Nettie peremptorily left Miss Wodehouse, shaking +hands with her in so resolute a manner that her gentle +adviser felt somehow a kind of necessity upon her to pursue +her way home; and, only when Nettie was nearly out of +sight, turned again with hesitation to retrace her steps towards +St Roque's. Nettie, meanwhile, went on at a pace +which Miss Wodehouse could not possibly have kept up +with, clasping her tiny hands together with a swell of scorn +and disdain unusual to it in her heart. Yes! Why did +not Edward Rider propose the "arrangement" which appeared +feasible enough to Miss Wodehouse? Supposing +even Nettie had refused to consent to it, as she might very +probably have done with indignation—still, why did it not +occur to Dr Edward? She asked herself the question with +a heat and passion which she found it difficult to account +for. She half despised her lover, as woman will, for obeying +her—almost scorned him, as woman will, for the mere +constancy which took no violent measures, but only suffered +and accepted the inevitable. To submit to what cannot +be helped is a woman's part. Nettie, hastening along that +familiar path, blazed into a sudden burst of rage against +Edward because he submitted. What he could do else she +was as ignorant of as any unreasonable creature could be. +But that mattered little. With indignation she saw herself +standing on the verge of that domestic precipice, and +the doctor looking on, seeing her glide out of his reach, yet +putting forth no violent sudden hand to detain her. All +the impatience of her fiery nature boiled in her veins as she +hasted to the cottage, where Susan was discussing their +journey with her Australian visitor. No remnant of pathos +or love-sickening remained about Nettie, as she flashed in +upon them in all her old haste and self-reliance—resolute to +precipitate the catastrophe which nobody took any measures +to prevent.</p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XV" id="CHAPTER_XV"></a>CHAPTER XV.</h3> + + +<p>It was not long before the doctor was made aware of the +ghost in his troubled path. Nobody in Carlingford could +meet the big Bushman in those streets, which always looked +too narrow for him, without a certain curiosity about that +<ins title="original has salvage">savage</ins> man. Dr Rider had observed him with jealous interest +on his very first appearance, but had hitherto connected +no idea but that of a return to Australia, which he felt sure +Nettie would never consent to, with the big stranger. With +such a thought he had seen him making his way towards +the cottage that very evening when he himself turned back, +as long as those crimsoned windows were visible, to look +for Nettie, who did not show herself. The doctor was +bound to see a distant patient, miles on the other side of +Carlingford. As he dashed along over the echoing road he +had time to imagine to himself how Nettie might at that +very moment be badgered and persecuted; and when he had +seen his patient and done his duty, and with the lamps +lighted in the drag, and the frosty wind blowing keen on +his face, and the lights of Carlingford cheering him on in +the distance, was once more returning, an impatience, somewhat +akin to Nettie's, suddenly came upon the doctor. +Akin, yet different; for in his case it was an impulse of +sensation, an inspiration of the exhilarating speed and energy +of motion with which he flew through the bracing air, +master of himself, his horse, and the long sweep of solitary +road before him. Again it occurred to Dr Rider to dash +forward to St Roque's and carry off Nettie, oppose it who +would. The idea pleased him as he swept along in the +darkness, its very impossibility making the vision sweeter. +To carry her off at a stroke, in glorious defiance of circumstances, +and win happiness and love, whatever might ensue. +In the flush of the moment the doctor suddenly asked himself +whether this, after all, were not the wisest course? +whether, whatever might come of it, happiness was not +worth the encounter of the dark array of troubles behind? +and whether to precipitate everything by a sudden conclusion +might not be the best way of solving all the intricacies +of the matter? He was still in this mood when he arrived +at his own house, where dinner, as usual, was not improved +by having been ready for an hour. The lamp was not +lighted when he came in, and only the cold reflection of the +street lights outside, with a particoloured gleam at the +corner window from his own red and blue professional +ensign at the surgery door, lighted the solitary little room, +where he looked in vain even for so much as a note or letter +to bring some shadow of human fellowship to his home; +the fire smouldering dully, the big chair turned with a sullen +back against the wall, as if nobody ever sat there—though +Nettie had once and for ever appropriated it to her use—everything +in such inhuman trim and good order disgusted +the doctor. He rang his bell violently for the lights and +refreshments which were so slow of coming, and, throwing +himself into that chair, bit his nails and stared out at the +lamplight in the rapid access of thought that came upon +him. The first thing that disturbed him in this was the +apparition of a figure outside peering in with some anxiety +at the blank windows—somebody who was evidently curious +to know whether the doctor had yet come home. The unhappy +doctor started, and rang his bell once more with +furious iteration. He knew what was coming. Somebody +else, no doubt, had taken ill, without any consideration for +young Rider's dinner, which, however, a man must manage +to swallow even when tormented with importunate patients, +and in love. But the knock of the untimely visitor sounded +at the much-assailed door before Mary, sulky and resistant, +had been able to arrange before the hungry doctor the half-warm +half-cold viands which his impatience would not permit +to be duly "heated up;" and he had just seated himself +to dispose of the unsatisfactory meal when the little +groom, who was as tired as his master, opened the door for +Mrs Smith from St Roque's. Mrs Smith was a familiar +periodical visitor at Dr Rider's. She had not ceased to +hold to that hasty and unwise financial arrangement into +which the doctor was persuaded to enter when Fred's pipe +had exasperated the landlady into rebellion. He had supplemented +the rent at that exciting moment rather than +have Nettie disturbed; and now that poor Fred's pipe was +extinguished for ever, the doctor still paid the imposition +demanded from him—half because he had no time to contest +it, half because it was, however improper and unnecessary, +a kind of pleasure to do something for Nettie, little +as she knew and deeply as she would have resented it. Dr +Rider's brows cleared up at sight of Nettie's landlady. He +expected some little private anecdotes of her and her ways, +such as no one else could give him. He gave Mrs Smith a +chair with a benignity to which she had no personal claim. +Her arrival made Dr Rider's beefsteak palatable, though +the cookery and condition of the same were, to say the +least, far from perfect. Mrs Smith evidently was a little +embarrassed with the gracious reception she received. She +twisted the corner of her shawl in her fingers as if it had +been that apron with which women of her class habitually +relieve their feelings. She was in a false position. She +came with the worst of news to the melancholy lover, and +he treated her as if she brought some special message or +favour from the lady of his thoughts.</p> + +<p>"Well, Mrs Smith, and how are you all at the cottage?" +said the doctor, applying himself leisurely to his beefsteak.</p> + +<p>"Well, doctor, nothing to brag of," said Mrs Smith, fixing +her eyes upon the fringe of her shawl. "I haven't nothing +to say that's pleasant, more the pity. I don' know, sir, how +you'll take it when you come to hear; but it's come very +hard upon me. Not for the sake of the lodgings, as'll let +again fast enough, now the poor gentleman's sad fate is partly +forgotten; but you know, doctor, a body gets attached-like +when one set of people stays long enough to feel at home; +and there ain't many young ladies like Miss if you were to +search the country through. But, now she's really give in to +it herself, there ain't no more to be said. I never could +bring myself to think Miss would give in till to-night when +she told me; though Smith he always said, when the stranger +gentleman took to coming so constant, as he knew how it +would be."</p> + +<p>"For heaven's sake, what do you mean?" cried Dr Rider, +pushing away his plate, and rising hurriedly from that dinner +which was fated never to be eaten. Mrs Smith shook her +head and drew out her handkerchief.</p> + +<p>"I know nothing more, doctor, but just they're going off +to Australia," said the landlady, mournfully; "and Miss has +started packing the big boxes as have been in the hattic since +ever they come: they're going off back where they come +from—that's all as I know."</p> + +<p>"Impossible!" cried the doctor.</p> + +<p>"I'd have said so myself this morning," said Mrs Smith; +"but there ain't nothing impossible, doctor, as Miss takes in +her head. Don't you go and rush out after her, Dr Rider. +I beg of you upon my knees, if it was my last word! I said +to Smith I'd come up and tell the doctor, that he mightn't +hear from nobody promiscuous as couldn't explain, and +mightn't come rushing down to the cottage to know the +rights of it and find the gentleman there unexpected. If +there's one thing I'm afeard of, it's a quarrel between gentlemen +in my house. So, doctor, for the love of peace, don't +you go anear the cottage. I'll tell you everything if you +listen to me."</p> + +<p>The doctor, who had snatched up his hat and made a rapid +step towards the door, came back and seized hold of his +visitor's shoulder, all his benignity having been put to flight +by her unlooked-for revelation. "Look here! I want the +truth, and no gossip! What do you mean—what gentleman? +What is it all about?" cried Dr Rider, hoarse with +sudden passion.</p> + +<p>"Oh, bless you, doctor, don't blame it upon me, sir," +cried Mrs Smith. "It ain't neither my fault nor my +business, but that you've always been kind, and my heart warms +to Miss. It's the gentleman from Australia as has come +and come again; and being an unmarried gentleman, and +Miss—you know what she is, sir—and I ask you, candid, +Dr Rider, what was anybody to suppose?"</p> + +<p>The doctor grew wildly red up to his hair. He bit his +lips over some furious words which Carlingford would have +been horrified to hear, and grasped Mrs Smith's shoulder with +a closer pressure. "What did she tell you?" said the doctor. +"Let me have it word for word. Did she say she was going +away?—did she speak of this—this—fellow?" exclaimed the +doctor, with an adjective over which charity drops a tear. +"Can't you tell me without any supposes, what did she say?"</p> + +<p>"I'm not the woman to stand being shook—let me go +this minute, sir," cried Mrs Smith. "The Australian gentleman +is a very nice-spoken civil man, as was always very +respectful to me. She came into my back-parlour, doctor, +if you will know so particular—all shining and flashing, like +as she does when something's happened. I don't make no +doubt they had been settling matters, them two, and so I +told Smith. 'Mrs Smith,' said Miss, in her hasty way, +enough to catch your breath coming all of a sudden, 'I +can't stand this no longer—I shall have to go away—it ain't +no good resisting.' Them were her very words, Dr Rider. +'Get me out the big boxes, please,' said Miss. 'It's best +done quietly. You must take your week's notice, Mrs +Smith, from this day;' and with that she kept moving +about the room all in a flutter like, not able to rest. 'Do +go and get me out those boxes; there's always a ship on the +24th,' she says, taking up my knitting and falling to work +at it to keep her hands steady. 'The day afore Christmas!' +says I; 'and oh, Miss, it's running in the face of Providence +to sail at this time of the year. You'll have dreadful +weather, as sure as life.' You should have seen her, doctor! +She gave a sort of smile up at me, all flashing as if +those eyes of her were the sides of a lantern, and the light +bursting out both there and all over. 'All the better,' she +says, as if she'd have liked to fight the very wind and sea, +and have her own way even there. Bless you, she's dreadful +for having her own way. A good easy gentleman now, +as didn't mind much—Dr Rider—Doctor!—you're not agoing, +after all I've told you? Doctor, doctor, I say<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>But what Mrs Smith said was inaudible to Edward Rider. +The door rang in her ears as he dashed it after him, leaving +her mistress of the field. There, where he had once left +Nettie, he now, all-forgetful of his usual fastidious dislike +of gossip, left Mrs Smith sole occupant of his most private +territories. At this unlooked-for crisis the doctor had neither +a word nor a moment to spend on any one. He rushed out +of the house, oblivious of all those professional necessities +which limit the comings and goings of a doctor in great +practice; he did not even know what he was going to do. +Perhaps it was an anxious husband or father whom he all +but upset as he came out, with sudden impetuosity, into the +unfrequented street; but he did not stop to see. Pale and +desperate, he faced the cold wind which rushed up between +the blank garden-walls of Grange Lane. At Mr Wodehouse's +door he stumbled against young Wentworth coming out, +and passed him with a muttered exclamation which startled +the curate. All the floating momentary jealousies of the +past rushed back upon the doctor's mind as he passed that +tall figure in the wintry road: how he had snatched Nettie +from the vague kindnesses of the young clergyman—the +words he had addressed to her on this very road—the answer +she had given him once, which had driven him wild with +passion and resentment. Impossible! the Australian, it appeared, +had found nothing impossible in those circumstances +in which Nettie had intrenched herself. Had the doctor's +wisdom been monstrous folly, and his prudence the blindest +shortsightedness? He asked himself the question as +he rushed on towards that lighted window shining far +along the dark road—the same window which he had seen +Nettie's shadow cross, which had been opened to light +poor Fred upon the way he never could tread again. +Within that jealous blind, shining in that softened domestic +light, what drama, murderous to the doctor's peace, +might be going on now?</p> + +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XVI" id="CHAPTER_XVI"></a>CHAPTER XVI.</h3> + + +<p>Nettie had taken her resolution all at once. Breathless +in sudden conviction, angry, heated, yet seeing in the +midst of her excitement no help but an immediate action, +the hasty little woman had darted into the heart of the +difficulty at once. Every moment she lingered wore her +out and disgusted her more with the life and fate which, +nevertheless, it was impossible to abandon or shrink from. +Nothing was so safe as to make matters irrevocable—to +plunge over the verge at once. All gleaming with resolve +and animation—with the frosty, chill, exhilarating air +which had kindled the colour in her cheeks and the light +in her eyes—with haste, resentment, every feeling that can +quicken the heart and make the pulses leap—Nettie had +flashed into the little parlour, where all was so quiet and +leisurely. There Susan sat in close confabulation with the +Bushman. The children had been banished out of the room, +because their mother's head was not equal to their noise +and restlessness. When they came in with Nettie, as was +inevitable, Mrs Fred sustained the invasion with fretful +looks and a certain peevish abstraction. She was evidently +interrupted by the rapid entrance, which was as unwelcome +as it was hasty. Cold though the night was, Mrs +Fred, leaning back upon her sofa, fanned her pink cheeks +with her handkerchief, and looked annoyed as well as disturbed +when her children came trooping into the room +clamorous for tea behind the little impetuous figure which +at once hushed and protected them. Susan became silent +all at once, sank back on the sofa, and concealed the faded +flush upon her cheeks and the embarrassed conscious air +she wore behind the handkerchief which she used so assiduously. +Neither she nor her visitor took much share in +the conversation that rose round the domestic table. +Nettie, too, was sufficiently absorbed in her own concerns to +say little, and nobody there was sufficiently observant to +remark what a sudden breath of haste and nervous decision +inspired the little household ruler as she dispensed the +family bread-and-butter. When tea was over, Nettie sent +her children out of the way with peremptory distinctness, +and stayed behind them to make her communication. If +she noticed vaguely a certain confused impatience and desire +to get rid of her in the looks of her sister and the +Australian, she attached no distinct meaning to it, but spoke +out with all the simplicity of an independent power, knowing +all authority and executive force to lie in her own hands +alone.</p> + +<p>"When do you think you can be ready to start? My +mind is made up. I shall set to work immediately to prepare," +said Nettie. "Now, look here, Susan: you have +been thinking of it for months, so it is not like taking you +by surprise. There is a ship that sails on the 24th. If +everything is packed and ready, will you consent to go on +that day?"</p> + +<p>Mrs Fred started with unfeigned surprise, and, not without +a little consternation, turned her eyes towards her friend +before answering her sister. "It is just Nettie's way," cried +Susan—"just how she always does—holds out against you +to the very last, and then turns round and darts off before +you can draw your breath. The 24th! and this is the +19th! Of course we can't do it, Nettie. I shall want quantities +of things, and Mr Chatham, you know, is not used +to your ways, and can't be whisked off in a moment whenever +you please."</p> + +<p>"I daresay it's very kind of Mr Chatham," said Nettie; +"but I can take you out very well by myself—just as well +as I brought you here. And I can't afford to get you +quantities of things, Susan. So please to understand I am going +off to pack up, and on the 24th we shall go."</p> + +<p>Once more, under Nettie's impatient eyes, a look and a +smile passed between her sister and the Australian. Never +very patient at any time, the girl was entirely aggravated +out of all toleration now.</p> + +<p>"I can't tell what you may have to smile to each other +about," said Nettie. "It is no very smiling business to +me. But since I am driven to it, I shall go at once or not +at all. And so that you understand me, that is all I want +to say."</p> + +<p>With which words she disappeared suddenly to the multitudinous +work that lay before her, thinking as little of +Susan's opposition as of the clamour raised by the children, +when the hard sentence of going half an hour earlier to bed +was pronounced upon them. Nettie's haste and peremptoriness +were mixed, if it must be told, with a little resentment +against the world in general. She had ceased being +sad—she was roused and indignant. By the time she had +subdued the refractory children, and disposed of them for +the night, those vast Australian boxes, which they had +brought with them across the seas, were placed in the little +hall, under the pale light of the lamp, ready for the process +of packing, into which Nettie plunged without a moment's +interval. While Mrs Smith told Edward Rider her story, +Nettie was flying up and down stairs with armfuls of things +to be packed, and pressing Smith himself into her service. +Ere long the hall was piled with heaps of personal property, +ready to be transferred to those big receptacles. In the +excitement of the work her spirit rose. The headlong haste +with which she carried on her operations kept her mind in +balance. Once or twice Susan peeped out from the parlour +door, and something like an echo of laughter rang out into +the hall after one of those inspections. Nettie took no +notice either of the look or the laugh. She built in those +piles of baggage with the rapidest symmetrical arrangement, +to the admiration of Smith, who stood wondering by, and +did what he could to help her, with troubled good-nature. +She did not stop to make any sentimental reflections, or to +think of the thankless office in which she was about to confirm +herself beyond remedy by this sudden and precipitate +step. Thinking had done Nettie little good hitherto. She +felt herself on her true ground again, when she took to +doing instead. The lamp burned dimly overhead, throwing +down a light confused with frost upon the hall, all encumbered +with the goods of the wandering family. Perhaps it +was with a certain unconscious symbolism that Nettie buried +her own personal wardrobe deep in the lowest depths, +making that the foundation for all the after superstructure. +Smith stood by, ready to hand her anything she might want, +gazing at her with doubtful amazement. The idea of setting +off to Australia at a few days' notice filled him with +respect and admiration.</p> + +<p>"A matter of a three months' voyage," said Smith; "and +if I might make bold to ask, Miss, if the weather ain't too +bad for anything, how will you pass away the time on board +ship when there ain't nobody to speak to?—but, to be sure, +the gentleman<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>"The gentleman is not going with us," said Nettie, peremptorily—"and +there are the children to pass away the +time. My time passes too quick, whatever other people's +may do. Where is Mrs Smith, that I see nothing of her +to-night? Gone out!—how very odd she should go out +now, of all times in the world. Where has she gone, do +you suppose? Not to be ungrateful to you, who are very +kind, a woman is, of course, twenty times the use a man +is, in most things. Thank you—not that; those coloured +frocks now—there! that bundle with the pink and the +blue. One would suppose that even a man might know +coloured frocks when he saw them," said Nettie, with despairing +resignation, springing up from her knees to seize +what she wanted. "Thank you—I think, perhaps, if you +would just go and make yourself comfortable, and read +your paper, I should get on better. I am not used to +having anybody to help me. I got on quite as well, thank you, +by myself."</p> + +<p>Smith withdrew, not without some confusion and discomfort, +to his condemned cell, and Nettie went on silent and +swift with her labours. "Quite as well! better!" said +Nettie to herself. "Other people never will understand. +Now, I know better than to try anybody." If that hasty +breath was a sigh, there was little sound of sorrow in it. It +was a little gust of impatience, indignation, intolerance even, +and hasty self-assertion. She alone knew what she could +do, and must do. Not one other soul in the world beside +could enter into her inevitable work and way.</p> + +<p>Nettie did not hear the footstep which she might have +recognised ringing rapidly down the frosty road. She was +too busy rustling about with perpetual motion, folding and +refolding, and smoothing into miraculous compactness all +the heterogeneous elements of that mass. When a sudden +knock came to the door she started, struck with alarm, then +paused a moment, looking round her, and perceiving at one +hasty glance that nobody could possibly enter without seeing +both herself and her occupation, made one prompt step +to the door, which nobody appeared to open. It was Mrs +Smith, no doubt; but the sudden breathless flutter which +came upon Nettie cast doubts upon that rapid conclusion. +She opened it quickly, with a certain breathless, sudden +promptitude, and looked out pale and dauntless, understanding +by instinct that some new trial to her fortitude was +there. On the other hand, Edward Rider pressed in suddenly, +almost without perceiving it was Nettie. They were +both standing in the hall together, before they fully recognised +each other. Then the doctor, gazing round him at +the unusual confusion, gave an involuntary groan out of the +depths of his heart. "Then it is true!" said Dr Rider. +He stood among the chaos, and saw all his own dreams +broken up and shattered in pieces. Even passion failed +him in that first bitterness of conviction. Nettie stood +opposite, with the sleeves of her black dress turned up from +her little white nimble wrists, her hair pushed back from +her cheeks, pushed quite behind one delicate ear, her eyes +shining with all those lights of energy and purpose which +came to them as soon as she took up her own character +again. She met his eye with a little air of defiance, involuntary, +and almost unconscious. "It is quite true," said +Nettie, bursting forth in sudden self-justification; "I have +my work to do, and I must do it as best I can. I cannot +keep considering you all, and losing my life. I must do +what God has given me to do, or I must die."</p> + +<p>Never had Nettie been so near breaking down, and falling +into sudden womanish tears and despair. She would +not yield to the overpowering momentary passion. She +clutched at the bundle of frocks again, and made room for +them spasmodically in the box which she had already +packed. Edward Rider stood silent, gazing at her as in her +sudden anguish Nettie pulled down and reconstructed that +curious honeycomb. But he had not come here merely to +gaze, while the catastrophe was preparing. He went up +and seized her busy hands, raised her up in spite of her +resistance, and thrust away, with an exclamation of disgust, +that great box in which all his hopes were being packed +away. "There is first a question to settle between you +and me," cried the doctor: "you shall not do it. No; I forbid +it, Nettie. Because you are wilful," cried Edward +Rider, hoarse and violent, grasping the hands tighter, with +a strain in which other passions than love mingled, "am I +to give up all the rights of a man? You are going away +without even giving me just warning—without a word, +without a sign; and you think I will permit it, Nettie? +Never—by heaven!"</p> + +<p>"Dr Edward," said Nettie, trembling, half with terror, +half with resolution, "you have no authority over me. We +are two people—we are not one. I should not have gone +away without a word or a sign. I should have said good-bye +to you, whatever had happened; but that is different +from permitting or forbidding. Let us say good-bye now +and get it over, if that will please you better," she cried, +drawing her hands from his grasp; "but I do not interfere +with your business, and I must do mine my own way."</p> + +<p>The doctor was in no mood to argue. He thrust the big +box she had packed away into a corner, and closed it with +a vindictive clang. It gave him a little room to move in +that little commonplace hall, with its dim lamp, which had +witnessed so many of the most memorable scenes of his life. +"Look here," cried Dr Rider; "authority has little to do +with it. If you had been my wife, Nettie, to be sure you +could not have deserted me. It is as great a cruelty—it +is as hard upon me, this you are trying to do. I have +submitted hitherto, and heaven knows it has been bitter +enough; and you scorn me for my submission," said the +doctor, making the discovery by instinct. "When a fellow +obeys you, it is only contempt you feel for him; but I tell +you, Nettie, I will bear it no longer. You shall not go +away. This is not to be. I will neither say good-bye, nor +think of it. What is your business is my business; and I +declare to you, you shall not go unless I go too. Ah—I +forgot. They tell me there is a fellow, an Australian, who +ventures to pretend—I don't mean to say I believe it. You +think <i>he</i> will not object to your burdens! Nettie! Don't +let us kill each other. Let us take all the world on our +shoulders," cried the doctor, drawing near again, with passionate +looks, "rather than part!"</p> + +<p>There was a pause—neither of them could speak at that +moment. Nettie, who felt her resolution going, her heart +melting, yet knew she dared not give way, clasped her +hands tight in each other and stood trembling, yet refusing +to tremble; collecting her voice and thoughts. The doctor +occupied that moment of suspense in a way which might +have looked ludicrous in other circumstances, but was a relief +to the passion that possessed him. He dragged the other +vast Australian box to the same corner where he had set the +first, and piled them one above the other. Then he collected +with awkward care all the heaps of garments which +lay about, and carried them off in the other direction to the +stairs, where he laid them carefully with a clumsy tenderness. +When he had swept away all these encumbrances, as +by a sudden gust of wind, he came back to Nettie, and once +more clasped the firm hands which held each other fast. +She broke away from him with a sudden cry—</p> + +<p>"You acknowledged it was impossible!" cried Nettie. +"It is not my doing, or anybody's; no one shall take the +world on his shoulders for my sake—I ask nobody to bear +my burdens. Thank you for not believing it—that is a +comfort at least. Never, surely, any one else—and not you, +not you! Dr Edward, let us make an end of it. I will +never consent to put my yoke upon your shoulders, but I—I +will never forget you or blame you—any more. It is +all hard, but we cannot help it. Good-bye—don't make it +harder, you, who are the only one that<span class="norewrap">——</span>; good-bye,—no +more—don't say any more."</p> + +<p>At this moment the parlour door opened suddenly; +Nettie's trembling mouth and frame, and the wild protest +and contradiction which were bursting from the lips of the +doctor, were lost upon the spectator absorbed in her own +affairs, and full of excitement on her own account, who +looked out. "Perhaps Mr Edward will walk in," said Mrs +Fred. "Now he is here to witness what I mean, I should like +to speak to you, please, Nettie. I did not think I should +ever appeal to you, Mr Edward, against Nettie's wilfulness—but, +really now, we, none of us, can put up with it any +longer. Please to walk in and hear what I've got to say."</p> + +<p>The big Bushman stood before the little fire in the parlour, +extinguishing its tiny glow with his vast shadow. +The lamp burned dimly upon the table. A certain air of +confusion was in the room. Perhaps it was because Nettie +had already swept her own particular belongings out of that +apartment, which once, to the doctor's eyes, had breathed +of her presence in every corner—but it did not look like +Nettie's parlour to-night. Mrs Fred, with the broad white +bands of her cap streaming over her black dress, had just +assumed her place on the sofa, which was her domestic +throne. Nettie, much startled and taken by surprise, stood +by the table, waiting with a certain air of wondering impatience +what was to be said to her—with still the sleeves +turned up from her tiny wrists, and her fingers unconsciously +busy expressing her restless intolerance of this delay by a +hundred involuntary tricks and movements. The doctor +stood close by her, looking only at Nettie, watching her +with eyes intent as if she might suddenly disappear from +under his very gaze. As for the Australian, he stood uneasy +under Nettie's rapid investigating glance, and the slower +survey which Dr Rider made on entering. He plucked at +his big beard, and spread out his large person with a confusion +and embarrassment rather more than merely belonged +to the stranger in a family party; while Mrs Fred, upon +her sofa, took up her handkerchief and once more began to +fan her pink cheeks. What was coming? After a moment's +pause, upon which Nettie could scarcely keep herself +from breaking, Susan spoke.</p> + +<p>"Nettie has always had the upper hand so much that +she thinks I am always to do exactly as she pleases," burst +forth Mrs Fred; "and I don't doubt poor Fred encouraged +her in it, because he felt he was obliged to my family, and +always gave in to her; but now I have somebody to stand +by me," added Susan, fanning still more violently, and with +a sound in her voice which betrayed a possibility of tears—"now +I have somebody to stand by me—I tell you once for +all, Nettie, I will not go on the 24th."</p> + +<p>Nettie gazed at her sister in silence without attempting to +say anything. Then she lifted her eyes inquiringly to the +Australian, in his uneasy spectator position before the fire. +She was not much discomposed, evidently, by that sudden +assertion of will—possibly Nettie was used to it—but she +looked curious and roused, and rather eager to know what +was it now?</p> + +<p>"I will not go on the 24th," cried Mrs Fred, with a hysterical +toss of her head. "I will not be treated like a child, +and told to get ready whenever Nettie pleases. She pretends +it is all for our sake, but it is for the sake of having +her own will, and because she has taken a sudden disgust +at something. I asked you in, Mr Edward, because you are +her friend, and because you are the children's uncle, and +ought to know how they are provided for. Mr Chatham and +I," said Susan, overcome by her feelings, and agitating the +handkerchief violently, "have settled—to be—married first +before we set out."</p> + +<p>If a shell had fallen in the peaceful apartment, the effect +could not have been more startling. The two who had +been called in to receive that intimation, and who up to this +moment had been standing together listening languidly +enough, too much absorbed in the matter between themselves +to be very deeply concerned about anything Mrs Fred +could say or do, fell suddenly apart with the wildest amazement +in their looks. "Susan, you are mad!" cried Nettie, +gazing aghast at her sister, with an air of mingled astonishment +and incredulity. The doctor, too much excited to +receive with ordinary decorum information so important, +made a sudden step up to the big embarrassed Australian, +who stood before the fire gazing into vacancy, and looking +the very embodiment of conscious awkwardness. Dr Rider +stretched out both his hands and grasped the gigantic fist +of the Bushman with an effusion which took that worthy +altogether by surprise. "My dear fellow, I wish you joy—I +wish you joy. Anything I can be of use to you in, command +me!" cried the doctor, with a suppressed shout of +half-incredulous triumph. Then he returned restlessly +towards Nettie—they all turned to her with instinctive +curiosity. Never in all her troubles had Nettie been so +pale; she looked in her sister's face with a kind of despair.</p> + +<p>"Is this <i>true</i>, Susan?" she said, with a sorrowful wonder +as different as possible from the doctor's joyful surprise—"not +something said to vex us—really true? And this +has been going on, and I knew nothing of it; and all this +time you have been urging me to go back to the +colony—<i>me</i>—as if you had no other thoughts. If you had made +up your mind to this, what was the use of driving me desperate?" +cried Nettie, in a sudden outburst of that incomprehension +which aches in generous hearts. Then she +stopped suddenly and looked from her sister, uttering suppressed +sobs, and hiding her face in her handkerchief on +the sofa, to the Australian before the fire. "What is the +good of talking?" said Nettie, with a certain indignant +impatient indulgence, coming to an abrupt conclusion. +Nobody knew so well as she did how utterly useless it was +to remonstrate or complain. She dropt into the nearest +chair, and began with hasty tremulous hands to smooth +down the cuffs of her black sleeves. In the bitterness of +the moment it was not the sudden deliverance, but the +heartlessness and domestic treachery that struck Nettie. +She, the champion and defender of this helpless family for +years—who had given them bread, and served it to them +with her own cheerful unwearied hands—who had protected +as well as provided for them in her dauntless innocence +and youth. When she was thus cast off on the brink of +the costliest sacrifice of all, it was not the delightful sensation +of freedom which occurred to Nettie. She fell back +with a silent pang of injury swelling in her heart, and, all +tremulous and hasty, gave her agitated attention to the +simple act of smoothing down her sleeves—a simple but +symbolical act, which conveyed a world of meaning to the +mind of the doctor as he stood watching her. The work +she had meant to do was over. Nettie's occupation was +gone. With the next act of the domestic drama she had +nothing to do. For the first time in her life utterly vanquished, +with silent promptitude she abdicated on the instant. +She seemed unable to strike a blow for the leadership +thus snatched from her hands. With proud surprise +and magnanimity she withdrew, forbearing even the useless +reproaches of which she had impatiently asked, "What +was the good?" Never abdicated emperor laid aside his +robes with more ominous significance, than Nettie, with +fingers trembling between haste and agitation, smoothed +down round her shapely wrists those turned-up sleeves.</p> + +<p>The doctor's better genius saved him from driving the +indignant Titania desperate at that critical moment by any +ill-advised rejoicings; and the sight of Nettie's agitation +so far calmed Dr Rider that he made the most sober and +decorous congratulations to the sister-in-law, whom for the +first time he felt grateful to. Perhaps, had he been less +absorbed in his own affairs, he could scarcely have failed to +remember how, not yet a year ago, the shabby form of Fred +lay on that same sofa from which Susan had announced +her new prospects; but in this unexampled revolution of +affairs no thought of Fred disturbed his brother, whose +mind was thoroughly occupied with the sudden tumult of +his own hopes. "Oh yes, I hope I shall be happy at last. +After all my troubles, I have to look to myself, Mr Edward; +and your poor brother would have been the last to blame +me," sobbed Mrs Fred, with involuntary self-vindication. +Then followed a pause. The change was too sudden and +extraordinary, and involved results too deeply important +to every individual present, to make words possible. Mrs +Fred, with her face buried in her handkerchief, and Nettie, +her whole frame thrilling with mortification and failure, +tremulously trying to button her sleeves, and bestowing +her whole mind upon that operation, were discouraging +interlocutors; and after the doctor and the Bushman had +shaken hands, their powers of communication were exhausted. +The silence was at length broken by the Australian, +who, clearing his voice between every three words, +delivered his embarrassed sentiments as follows:—</p> + +<p>"I trust, Miss Nettie, you'll not think you've been unfairly +dealt by, or that any change is necessary so far as you +are concerned. Of course," said Mr Chatham, growing red, +and plucking at his beard, "neither your sister nor I—found +out—till quite lately—how things were going to be; and +as for you making any change in consequence, or thinking +we could be anything but glad to have you with us<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>Here the alarming countenance of Nettie, who had left +off buttoning her sleeves, brought her new relation to a +sudden stop. Under the blaze of her inquiring eyes the +Bushman could go no farther. He looked at Susan for +assistance, but Susan was still absorbed in her handkerchief; +and while he paused for expression, the little abdicated +monarch took up the broken thread.</p> + +<p>"Thank you," said Nettie, rising suddenly; "I knew +you were honest. It is very good of you, too, to be glad to +have me with you. You don't know any better. I'm abdicated, +Mr Chatham; but because it's rather startling to have +one's business taken out of one's hands like this, it will be +very kind of everybody not to say anything more to-night. +I don't quite understand it all just at this moment. Good-night, +Dr Edward. We can talk to-morrow, please; not +to-night. You surely understand me, don't you? When +one's life is changed all in a moment, one does not exactly +see where one is standing just at once. Good-night. I +mean what I say," she continued, holding her head high +with restrained excitement, and trying to conceal the nervous +agitation which possessed her as the doctor hastened +before her to open the door. "Don't come after me, please; +don't say anything; I cannot bear any more to-night."</p> + +<p>"But to-morrow," said the doctor, holding fast the trembling +hand. Nettie was too much overstrained and excited +to speak more. A single sudden sob burst from her as she +drew her hand out of his, and disappeared like a flying +sprite. The doctor saw the heaving of her breast, the height +of self-restraint which could go no further. He went back +into the parlour like a true lover, and spied no more upon +Nettie's hour of weakness. Without her, it looked a vulgar +scene enough in that little sitting-room, from which the +smoke of Fred's pipe had never fairly disappeared, and +where Fred himself had lain in dismal state. Dr Rider +said a hasty good-night to Fred's successor, and went off +hurriedly into the changed world which surrounded that +unconscious cottage. Though the frost had not relaxed, +and the air breathed no balm, no sudden leap from December +to June could have changed the atmosphere so entirely +to the excited wayfarer who traced back the joyful path +towards the lights of Carlingford twinkling brilliant through +the Christmas frost. As he paused to look back upon that +house which now contained all his hopes, a sudden shadow +appeared at a lighted window, looking out. Nettie could +not see the owner of the footsteps which moved her to that +sudden involuntary expression of what was in her thoughts, +but he could see her standing full in the light, and the +sight went to the doctor's heart. He took off his hat insanely +in the darkness and waved his hand to her, though +she could not see him; and, after the shadow had disappeared, +continued to stand watching with tender folly if +perhaps some indication of Nettie's presence might again +reveal itself. He walked upon air as he went back, at last, +cold but joyful, through the blank solitude of Grange Lane. +Nothing could have come amiss to the doctor in that dawn +of happiness. He could have found it in his heart to +mount his drag again and drive ten miles in celestial patience +at the call of any capricious invalid. He was half-disappointed +to find no summons awaiting him when he +went home—no outlet for the universal charity and loving-kindness +that possessed him. Instead, he set his easy-chair +tenderly by the side of the blazing fire, and, drawing +another chair opposite, gazed with secret smiles at the +visionary Nettie, who once had taken up her position +there. Was it by prophetic instinct that the little colonial +girl, whose first appearance so discomposed the doctor, had +assumed that place? Dr Rider contemplated the empty +chair with smiles that would have compromised his character +for sanity with any uninstructed observer. When the +mournful Mary disturbed his reverie by her noiseless and +penitent entrance with the little supper which she meant +at once for a peace-offering and compensation for the dinner +lost, she carried down-stairs with her a vivid impression +that somebody had left her master a fortune. Under such +beatific circumstances closed the evening that had opened +amid such clouds. Henceforth, so far as the doctor could +read the future, no difficulties but those common to all +wooers beset the course of his true love.</p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XVII" id="CHAPTER_XVII"></a>CHAPTER XVII.</h3> + + +<p>When the red gleams of the early sunshine shone into that +window from which Nettie had looked out last night, the +wintry light came in with agitating revelations not simply +upon another morning, but upon a new world. As usual, +Nettie's thoughts were expressed in things tangible. She +had risen from her sleepless bed while it was still almost +dark, and to look at her now, a stranger might have supposed +her to be proceeding with her last night's work with +the constancy of a monomaniac. Little Freddy sat up in +his crib rubbing his eyes and marvelling what Nettie could +be about, as indeed anybody might have marvelled. With +all those boxes and drawers about, and heaps of personal +belongings, what was she going to do? She could not have +answered the question without pain; but had you waited +long enough, Nettie's object would have been apparent. +Not entirely free of that air of agitated haste—not recovered +from the excitement of this discovery, she was relieving her +restless activity by a significant rearrangement of all the +possessions of the family. She was separating with rapid +fingers those stores which had hitherto lain lovingly together +common property. For the first time for years Nettie +had set herself to discriminate what belonged to herself +from the general store; and, perhaps by way of softening +that disjunction, was separating into harmonious order the +little wardrobes which were no longer to be under her +charge. Freddy opened his eyes to see all his own special +belongings, articles which he recognised with all the tenacious +proprietorship of childhood, going into one little box +by themselves in dreadful isolation. The child did not +know what horrible sentence might have been passed upon +him while he slept. He gazed at those swift inexorable +fingers with the gradual sob rising in his poor little breast. +That silent tempest heaved and rose as he saw all the well-known +items following each other; and when his last new +acquisition, the latest addition to his wardrobe, lay solemnly +smoothed down upon the top, Freddy's patience could bear +no more. Bursting into a long howl of affliction, he called +aloud upon Nettie to explain that mystery. Was he going +to be sent away? Was some mysterious executioner, black +man, or other horrid vision of fate, coming for the victim? +Freddy's appeal roused from her work the abdicated family +sovereign. "If I'm to be sent away, I shan't go!" cried +Freddy. "I'll run off and come back again. I shan't go +anywhere unless you go, Nettie. I'll hold on so fast, you +can't put me away; and, oh, I'll be good!—I'll be so +good!" Nettie, who was not much given to caresses, came +up and put sudden arms round her special nursling. She +laid her cheek to his, with a little outbreak of natural emotion. +"It is I who am to be sent away!" cried Nettie, +yielding for a moment to the natural bitterness. Then she +bethought herself of certain thoughts of comfort which had +not failed to interject themselves into her heart, and withdrew +with a little precipitation, alarmed by the inconsistency—the +insincerity of her feelings. "Get up, Freddy; +you are not going away, except home to the colony, where +you want to go," she said. "Be good, all the same; for +you know you must not trouble mamma. And make haste, +and don't be always calling for Nettie. Don't you know +you must do without Nettie some time? Jump up, and be +a man."</p> + +<p>"When I am a man, I shan't want you," said Freddy, +getting up with reluctance; "but I can't be a man now. +And what am I to do with the buttons if you won't help +me? I shall not have buttons like those when I am a +man."</p> + +<p>It was not in human nature to refrain from giving the +little savage an admonitory shake. "That is all I am good +for—nothing but buttons!" said Nettie, with whimsical +mortification. When they went down to breakfast, she +sent the child before her, and came last instead of first, +waiting till they were all assembled. Mrs Fred watched +her advent with apprehensive eyes. Thinking it over after +her first triumph, it occurred to Mrs Fred that the loss of +Nettie would make a serious difference to her own comfort. +Who was to take charge of the children, and conduct those +vulgar affairs for which Susan's feelings disqualified her? +She did her best to decipher the pale face which appeared +over the breakfast cups and saucers opposite. What did +Nettie mean to do? Susan revolved the question in considerable +panic, seeing but too clearly that the firm little +hand no longer trembled, and that Nettie was absorbed by +her own thoughts—thoughts with which her present companions +had but little to do. Mrs Fred essayed another +stroke.</p> + +<p>"Perhaps I was hasty, Nettie, last night; but Richard, +you know, poor fellow," said Susan, "was not to be put off. +It won't make any difference between you and me, Nettie +dear? We have always been so united, whatever has happened; +and the children are so fond of you; and as for +me," said Mrs Fred, putting back the strings of her cap, +and pressing her handkerchief upon her eyes, "with my +health, and after all I have gone through, how I could +ever exist without you, I can't tell; and Richard will be +so pleased<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>"I don't want to hear anything about Richard, please," +said Nettie—"not so far as I am concerned. I should have +taken you out, and taken care of you, had you chosen me; +but you can't have two people, you know. One is enough +for anybody. Never mind what we are talking about, +Freddy. It is only your buttons—nothing else. As long +as you were my business, I should have scorned to complain," +said Nettie, with a little quiver of her lip. "Nothing +would have made me forsake you, or leave you to +yourself; but now you are somebody else's business; and to +speak of it making no difference, and Richard being pleased, +and so forth, as if I had nothing else to do in the world, +and wanted to go back to the colony! It is simply not my +business any longer," cried Nettie, rising impatiently from +her chair—"that is all that can be said. But I shan't desert +you till I deliver you over to my successor, Susan—don't +fear."</p> + +<p>"Then you don't feel any love for us, Nettie! It was +only because you could not help it. Children, Nettie is +going to leave us," said Mrs Fred, in a lamentable voice.</p> + +<p>"Then who is to be instead of Nettie? Oh, look here—I +know—it's Chatham," said the little girl.</p> + +<p>"I hate Chatham," said Freddy, with a little shriek. "I +shall go where Nettie goes—all my things are in my box. +Nettie is going to take me; she loves me best of you all. +I'll kick Chatham if he touches me."</p> + +<p>"Why can't some one tell Nettie she's to go too?" said +the eldest boy. "She's most good of all. What does +Nettie want to go away for? But I don't mind; for we +have to do what Nettie tells us, and nobody cares for +Chatham," cried the sweet child, making a triumphant +somersault out of his chair. Nettie stood looking on, without +attempting to stop the tumult which arose. She left +them with their mother, after a few minutes, and went out +to breathe the outside air, where at least there was quiet +and freedom. To think as she went out into the red morning +sunshine that her old life was over, made Nettie's head +swim with bewildering giddiness. She went up softly, like +a creature in a dream, past St Roque's, where already the +Christmas decorators had begun their pretty work—that +work which, several ages ago, being yesterday, Nettie had +taken the children in to see. Of all things that had happened +between that moment and this, perhaps the impulse +of escaping out into the open air without anything to do, +was one of the most miraculous. Insensibly Nettie's footsteps +quickened as she became aware of that extraordinary +fact. The hour, the temperature, the customs of her life, +were equally against such an indulgence. It was a comfort +to recollect that, though everything else in the universe +was altered, the family must still have some dinner, and +that it was as easy to think while walking to the butcher's +as while idling and doing nothing. She went up, accordingly, +towards Grange Lane, in a kind of wistful solitude, +drifted apart from her former life, and not yet definitely +attached to any other, feeling as though the few passengers +she met must perceive in her face that her whole fortune +was changed. It was hard for Nettie to realise that she +could do absolutely nothing at this moment, and still harder +for her to think that her fate lay undecided in Edward +Rider's hands. Though she had not a doubt of him, yet +the mere fact that it was he who must take the first step +was somewhat galling to the pride and temper of the little +autocrat. Before she had reached the butcher, or even +come near enough to recognise Lucy Wodehouse, where she +stood at the garden gate, setting out for St Roque's, Nettie +heard the headlong wheels of something approaching which +had not yet come in sight. She wound herself up in a +kind of nervous desperation for the encounter that was +coming. No need to warn her who it was. Nobody but +the doctor flying upon wings of haste and love could drive +in that break-neck fashion down the respectable streets of +Carlingford. Here he came sweeping round that corner at +the Blue Boar, where Nettie herself had once mounted the +drag, and plunged down Grange Lane in a maze of speed +which confused horse, vehicle, and driver in one indistinct +gleaming circle to the excited eyes of the spectator, who +forced herself to go on, facing them with an exertion of all +her powers, and strenuous resistance of the impulse to turn +and escape. Why should Nettie escape?—it must be decided +one way or other. She held on dimly with rapid +trembling steps. To her own agitated mind, Nettie, herself, +left adrift and companionless, seemed the suitor. The +only remnants of her natural force that remained to her +united in the one resolution not to run away.</p> + +<p>It was well for the doctor that his little groom had the +eyes and activity of a monkey, and knew the exact moment +at which to dart forward and catch the reins which his +master flung at him, almost without pausing in his perilous +career. The doctor made a leap out of the drag, which was +more like that of a mad adventurer than a man whose business +it was to keep other people's limbs in due repair. Before +Nettie was aware that he had stopped, he was by her side.</p> + +<p>"Dr Edward," she exclaimed, breathlessly, "hear me +first! Now I am left unrestrained, but I am not without +resources. Don't think you are bound in honour to say +anything over again. What may have gone before I forget +now. I will not hold you to your word. You are not to +have pity upon me!" cried Nettie, not well aware what she +was saying. The doctor drew her arm into his; found out, +sorely against her will, that she was trembling, and held +her fast, not without a sympathetic tremor in the arm on +which she was constrained to lean.</p> + +<p>"But I hold you to yours!" said the doctor; "there has +not been any obstacle between us for months but this; and +now it is gone, do you think I will forget what you have +said, Nettie? You told me it was impossible once<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>"And you did not contradict me, Dr Edward," said the +wilful creature, withdrawing her hand from his arm. "I +can walk very well by myself, thank you. You did not +contradict me! You were content to submit to what could +not be helped. And so am I. An obstacle which is only +removed by Richard Chatham," said Nettie, with female +cruelty, turning her eyes full and suddenly upon her unhappy +lover, "does not count for much. I do not hold you +to anything. We are both free."</p> + +<p>What dismayed answer the doctor might have made to this +heartless speech can never be known. He was so entirely +taken aback that he paused, clearing his throat with but +one amazed exclamation of her name; but before his astonishment +and indignation had shaped itself into words, their +interview was interrupted. An irregular patter of hasty +little steps, and outcries of a childish voice behind, had not +caught the attention of either in that moment of excitement; +but just as Nettie delivered this cruel outbreak of +feminine pride and self-assertion, the little pursuing figure +made up to them, and plunged at her dress. Freddy, in +primitive unconcern for anybody but himself, rushed head-foremost +between these two at the critical instant. He +made a clutch at Nettie with one hand, and with all the +force of the other thrust away the astonished doctor. +Freddy's errand was of life or death.</p> + +<p>"I shan't go with any one but Nettie," cried the child, +clinging to her dress. "I hate Chatham and everybody. I +will jump into the sea and swim back again. I will never, +never leave go of her, if you should cut my hands off. +Nettie! Nettie!—take me with you. Let me go where +you are going! I will never be naughty any more! I will +never, never go away till Nettie goes! I love Nettie best! +Go away, all of you!" cried Freddy, in desperation, pushing +off the doctor with hands and feet alike. "I will stay +with Nettie. Nobody loves Nettie but me."</p> + +<p>Nettie had no power left to resist this new assault. She +dropped down on one knee beside the child, and clasped +him to her in a passion of restrained tears and sobbing. +The emotion which her pride would not permit her to show +before, the gathering agitation of the whole morning broke +forth at this irresistible touch. She held Freddy close and +supported herself by him, leaning all her troubled heart and +trembling frame upon the little figure which clung to her +bewildered, suddenly growing silent and afraid in that passionate +grasp. Freddy spoke no more, but turned his +frightened eyes upon the doctor, trembling with the great +throbs of Nettie's breast. In the early wintry sunshine, on +the quiet rural highroad, that climax of the gathering +emotion of years befell Nettie. She could exercise no further +self-control. She could only hide her face, that no one +might see, and close her quivering lips tight that no one +might hear the bursting forth of her heart. No one was +there either to hear or see—nobody but Edward Rider, who +stood bending with sorrowful tenderness over the wilful +fairy creature, whose words of defiance had scarcely died +from her lips. It was Freddy, and not the doctor, who had +vanquished Nettie; but the insulted lover came in for his +revenge. Dr Rider raised her up quietly, asking no leave, +and lifted her into the drag, where Nettie had been before, +and where Freddy, elated and joyful, took his place beside +the groom, convinced that he was to go now with the only +true guardian his little life had known. The doctor drove +down that familiar road as slowly as he had dashed furiously +up to it. He took quiet possession of the agitated trembling +creature who had carried her empire over herself too +far. At last Nettie had broken down; and now he had it +all his own way.</p> + +<p>When they came to the cottage, Mrs Fred, whom excitement +had raised to a troublesome activity, came eagerly out +to the door to see what had happened; and the two children, +who, emancipated from all control, were sliding down +the banisters of the stair, one after the other, in wild glee +and recklessness, paused in their dangerous amusement to +watch the new arrival. "Oh! look here; Nettie's crying!" +said one to the other, with calm observation. The words +brought Nettie to herself.</p> + +<p>"I am not crying now," she said, waking into sudden +strength. "Do you want to get them killed before they go +away, all you people? Susan, go in, and never mind. I +was not—not quite well out of doors; but I don't mean to +suffer this, you know, as long as I am beside them. Dr +Edward, come in. I have something to say to you. We +have nowhere to speak to each other but here," said Nettie, +pausing in the little hall, from which that childish tumult +had died away in sudden awe of her presence; "but we +have spoken to each other here before now. I did not +mean to vex you then—at least, I did mean to vex you, but +nothing more." Here she paused with a sob, the echo of +her past trouble breaking upon her words, as happened +from time to time, like the passion of a child; then burst +forth again a moment after in a sudden question. "Will +you let me have Freddy?" she cried, surrendering at discretion, +and looking eagerly up in the doctor's face; "if they +will leave him, may I keep him with me?"</p> + +<p>It is unnecessary to record the doctor's answer. He +would have swallowed not Fred only, but Mrs Fred and the +entire family, had that gulp been needful to satisfy Nettie, +but was not sufficiently blinded to his own interests to grant +this except under certain conditions satisfactory to himself. +When the doctor mounted the drag again he drove away +into Elysium, with a smiling Cupid behind him, instead of +the little groom who had been his unconscious master's confidant +so long, and had watched the fluctuations of his +wooing with such lively curiosity. Those patients who had +paid for Dr Rider's disappointments in many a violent prescription, +got compensation to-day in honeyed draughts and +hopeful prognostications. Wherever the doctor went he +saw a vision of that little drooping head, reposing, after all +the agitation of the morning, in the silence and rest he +had enjoined, with brilliant eyes, half-veiled, shining with +thoughts in which he had the greatest share; and, with +that picture before his eyes, went flashing along the wintry +road with secret smiles, and carried hope wherever he went. +Of course it was the merest fallacy, so far as Nettie's immediate +occupation was concerned. That restless little woman +had twenty times too much to do to think of rest—more to +do than ever in all the suddenly-changed preparations which +fell upon her busy hands. But the doctor kept his imagination +all the same, and pleased himself with thoughts of her +reposing in a visionary tranquillity, which, wherever it was +to be found, certainly did not exist in St Roque's Cottage, +in that sudden tumult of new events and hopes.</p> + +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<h3><a name="CHAPTER_XVIII" id="CHAPTER_XVIII"></a>CHAPTER XVIII.</h3> + + +<p>"I always thought there was good in him by his looks," +said Miss Wodehouse, standing in the porch of St Roque's, +after the wedding-party had gone away. "To think he +should have come in such a sweet way and married Mrs +Fred! just what we all were wishing for, if we could have +ventured to think it possible. Indeed, I should have liked +to have given Mr Chatham a little present, just to mark +my sense of his goodness. Poor man! I wonder if he +repents<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>"It is to be hoped not yet," said Lucy, hurrying her sister +away before Mr Wentworth could come out and join them; +for affairs were seriously compromised between the perpetual +curate and the object of his affections; and Lucy exhibited +a certain acerbity under the circumstances which somewhat +amazed the tender-hearted old maid.</p> + +<p>"When people do repent, my belief is that they do it +directly," said Miss Wodehouse. "I daresay he can see +what she is already, poor man; and I hope, Lucy, it won't +drive him into bad ways. As for Nettie, I am not at all +afraid about her. Even if they should happen to quarrel, +you know, things will always come right. I am glad they +were not married both at the same time. Nettie has such +sense! and of course, though it was the very best thing that +could happen, and a great relief to everybody concerned, +to be sure, one could not help being disgusted with that +woman. And it is such a comfort they're going away. +Nettie says<span class="norewrap">——</span>"</p> + +<p>"Don't you think you could walk a little quicker? there +is somebody in Grove Street that I have to see," said Lucy, +not so much interested as her sister; "and papa will be +home at one to lunch."</p> + +<p>"Then I shall go on, dear, if you have no objection, and +ask when the doctor and Nettie are coming home," said Miss +Wodehouse, "and take poor little Freddy the cakes I promised +him. Poor child! to have his mother go off and marry +and leave him. Never mind me, Lucy, dear; I do not +walk so quickly as you do, and besides I have to go home +first for the cakes."</p> + +<p>So saying the sisters separated; and Miss Wodehouse +took her gentle way to the doctor's house, where everything +had been brightened up, and where Freddy waited the +return of his chosen guardians. It was still the new quarter +of Carlingford, a region of half-built streets, vulgar new +roads, and heaps of desolate brick and mortar. If the +doctor had ever hoped to succeed Dr Marjoribanks in his +bowery retirement in Grange Lane, that hope nowadays +had receded into the darkest distance. The little surgery +round the corner still shed twinkles of red and blue light +across that desolate triangle of unbuilt ground upon the +other corner houses where dwelt people unknown to society +in Carlingford, and still Dr Rider consented to call himself +M.R.C.S., and cultivate the patients who were afraid of a +physician. Miss Wodehouse went in at the invitation of +Mary to see the little drawing-room which the master of +the house had provided for his wife. It had been only an +unfurnished room in Dr Rider's bachelor days, and looked +out upon nothing better than these same new streets—the +vulgar suburb which Carlingford disowned. Miss Wodehouse +lingered at the window with a little sigh over the +perversity of circumstances. If Miss Marjoribanks had only +been Nettie, or Nettie Miss Marjoribanks! If not only love +and happiness, but the old doctor's practice and savings, +could but have been brought to heap up the measure of the +young doctor's good-fortune! What a pity that one cannot +have everything! The friendly visitor said so with a real +sigh as she went down-stairs after her inspection. If the +young people had but been settling in Grange Lane, in good +society, and with Dr Marjoribanks's practice, this marriage +would have been perfection indeed!</p> + +<p>But when the doctor brought Nettie home, and set her in +that easy-chair which her image had possessed so long, he +saw few drawbacks at that moment to the felicity of his lot. +If there was one particular in which his sky threatened +clouds, it was not the want of Dr Marjoribanks's practice, +but the presence of that little interloper, whom the doctor in +his heart was apt to call by uncomplimentary names, and did +not regard with unmixed favour. But when Susan and her +Australian were fairly gone, and all fear of any invasion of +the other imps—which Dr Rider inly dreaded up to the last +moment—was over, Freddy grew more and more tolerable. +Where Fred once lay and dozed, and filled the doctor's house +with heavy fumes and discreditable gossip, a burden on his +brother's reluctant hospitality, little Freddy now obliterated +that dismal memory with prayers and slumbers of childhood; +and where the discontented doctor had grumbled +many a night and day over that bare habitation of his, +which was a house, and not a home, Nettie diffused herself +till the familiar happiness became so much a part of his +belongings that the doctor learned to grumble once more at +the womanish accessories which he had once missed so +bitterly. And the little wayward heroine who, by dint of +hard labour and sacrifice, had triumphantly had her own +way in St Roque's Cottage, loved her own way still in the +new house, and had it as often as was good for her. But +so far as this narrator knows, nothing calling for special +record has since appeared in the history of the doctor's +family, thus reorganised under happier auspices, and discharging +its duties, social and otherwise, though not exactly +in society, to the satisfaction and approval of the observant +population of Carlingford.</p> + +<p> </p> +<h4><span class="smallcaps">the end.</span></h4> + +<h6>PRINTED BY WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS, EDINBURGH.</h6> + +<p> </p> +<hr class="minimal" /> +<p> </p> + +<table class="sm" border="0" style="background-color: #E6E6FA; margin: 0 auto" cellpadding="4" summary="TN"> +<tr> +<td colspan="2"> + <div class="center">TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE</div> + +<p class="noindent" style="background-color: #E6E6FA"> +<i>The Doctor's Family</i> was originally published together +with <i>The Rector</i> in one volume.<br /> +<br /> +Contemporary spellings have been retained even +when inconsistent or unusual. A small number of obvious typographical errors have been +corrected, and missing punctuation has been silently added.<br /> +<br /> +The following additional changes have been made; they can be identified +in the body of the text by a grey dotted underline:</p> +</td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td valign="top">looked after the salvage man</td> + <td valign="top">looked after the <i>savage</i> man</td> + </tr> + <tr> + <td valign="top">curiosity about that salvage man</td> + <td valign="top">curiosity about that <i>savage</i> man</td> + </tr> +</table> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Doctor's Family, by Mrs. (Margaret) Oliphant + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DOCTOR'S FAMILY *** + +***** This file should be named 29890-h.htm or 29890-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/9/8/9/29890/ + +Produced by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Canada Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Doctor's Family + +Author: Mrs. (Margaret) Oliphant + +Release Date: September 2, 2009 [EBook #29890] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DOCTOR'S FAMILY *** + + + + +Produced by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Canada Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net + + + + + + + + + +Chronicles of Carlingford + + + + +THE DOCTOR'S FAMILY + +BY + +MRS OLIPHANT + + +NEW EDITION +_WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS_ +EDINBURGH AND LONDON + + + + +CHRONICLES OF CARLINGFORD. + +THE DOCTOR'S FAMILY. + + + + +CHAPTER I. + + +Young Dr Rider lived in the new quarter of Carlingford: had he aimed at +a reputation in society, he could not possibly have done a more foolish +thing; but such was not his leading motive. The young man, being but +young, aimed at a practice. He was not particular in the mean time as to +the streets in which his patients dwelt. A new house, gazing with all +its windows over a brick-field, was as interesting to the young surgeon +as if it had been one of those exclusive houses in Grange Lane, where +the aristocracy of Carlingford lived retired within their garden walls. +His own establishment, though sufficiently comfortable, was of a kind +utterly to shock the feelings of the refined community: a corner house, +with a surgery round the corner, throwing the gleam of its red lamp over +all that chaotic district of half-formed streets and full-developed +brick-fields, with its night-bell prominent, and young Rider's name on a +staring brass plate, with mysterious initials after it. M.R.C.S. the +unhappy young man had been seduced to put after his name upon that brass +plate, though he was really Dr Rider, a physician, if not an experienced +one. Friends had advised him that in such districts people were afraid +of physicians, associating only with dread adumbrations of a guinea a +visit that miscomprehended name; so, with a pang, the young surgeon had +put his degree in his pocket, and put up with the inferior distinction. +Of course, Dr Marjoribanks had all the patronage of Grange Lane. The +great people were infatuated about that snuffy old Scotchman--a man +behind his day, who had rusted and grown old among the soft diseases +of Carlingford, where sharp practice was so seldom necessary; and no +opening appeared for young Rider except in the new district, in the smug +corner house, with the surgery and the red lamp, and M.R.C.S. on a brass +plate on his door. + +If you can imagine that the young man bowed his spirit to this without a +struggle, you do the poor young fellow injustice. He had been hard +enough put to it at divers periods of his life. Ambition had not been +possible for him either in one shape or another. Some people said he had +a vulgar mind when he subsided into that house; other people declared +him a shabby fellow when he found out, after the hardest night's thought +he ever went through in his life, that he durst not ask Bessie Christian +to marry him. You don't suppose that he did not know in his secret +heart, and feel tingling through every vein, those words which nobody +ever said to his face? But he could not help it. He could only make an +indignant gulp of his resentment and shame, which were shame and +resentment at himself for wanting the courage to dare everything, as +well as at other people for finding him out, and go on with his work +as he best could. He was not a hero nor a martyr; men made of that +stuff have large compensations. He was an ordinary individual, with no +sublimity in him, and no compensation to speak of for his sufferings--no +consciousness of lofty right-doing, or of a course of action superior to +the world. + +Perhaps you would prefer to go up-stairs and see for yourself what was +the skeleton in Edward Rider's cupboard, rather than have it described +to you. His drag came to the door an hour ago, and he went off with Care +sitting behind him, and a certain angry pang aching in his heart, which +perhaps Bessie Christian's wedding-veil, seen far off in church yesterday, +might have something to do with. His looks were rather black as he +twitched the reins out of his little groom's hands, and went off at a +startling pace, which was almost the only consolation the young fellow +had. Now that he is certainly gone, and the coast clear, we may go +up-stairs. It is true he all but kicked the curate down for taking a +similar liberty, but we who are less visible may venture while he is +away. + +This skeleton is not in a cupboard. It is in an up-stairs room, +comfortable enough, but heated, close, unwholesome--a place from which, +even when the window is open, the fresh air seems shut out. There is no +fresh air nor current of life in this stifling place. There is a fire, +though it is not cold--a sofa near the fire--a sickening heavy smell of +abiding tobacco--not light whiffs of smoke, such as accompany a man's +labours, but a dead pall of idle heavy vapour; and in the midst of all a +man stretched lazily on the sofa, with his pipe laid on the table beside +him, and a book in his soft, boneless, nerveless hands. A large man, +interpenetrated with smoke and idleness and a certain dreary sodden +dissipation, heated yet unexcited, reading a novel he has read +half-a-dozen times before. He turns his bemused eyes to the door when +his invisible visitors enter. He fancies he hears some one coming, but +will not take the trouble to rise and see who is there--so, instead of +that exertion, he takes up his pipe, knocks the ashes out of it upon his +book, fills it with coarse tobacco, and stretches his long arm over the +shoulder of the sofa for a light. His feet are in slippers, his person +clothed in a greasy old coat, his linen soiled and untidy. That is the +skeleton in young Rider's house. + +The servants, you may be sure, knew all about this unwelcome visitor. +They went with bottles and jugs secretly to bring him what he wanted; +they went to the circulating library for him; they let him in when he +had been out in the twilight all shabby and slovenly. They would not be +human if they did not talk about him. They say he is very good-natured, +poor gentleman--always has a pleasant word--is nobody's enemy but his +own; and to see how "the doctor do look at him, and he his own brother +as was brought up with him," is dreadful, to be sure. + +All this young Rider takes silently, never saying a word about it to any +human creature. He seems to know by intuition what all these people say +of him, as he drives about furiously in his drag from patient to patient; +and wherever he goes, as plain, nay, far more distinctly than the +actual prospect before him, he sees that sofa, that dusty slow-burning +fire--that pipe, with the little heap of ashes knocked out of it upon +the table--that wasted ruined life chafing him to desperation with its +dismal content. It is very true that it would have been sadly imprudent +of the young man to go to the little house in Grove Street a year ago, +and tell Bessie Christian he was very fond of her, and that somehow for +her love he would manage to provide for those old people whom that +cheerful little woman toiled to maintain. It was a thing not to be done +in any way you could contemplate it; and with a heartache the poor young +doctor had turned his horse's head away from Grove Street, and left +Bessie to toil on in her poverty. Bessie had escaped all that nowadays; +but who could have forewarned the poor doctor that his elder brother, +once the hope of the family--that clever Fred, whom all the others had +been postponed to--he who with his evil reputation had driven poor +Edward out of his first practice, and sent him to begin life a second +time at Carlingford--was to drop listlessly in again, and lay a harder +burden than a harmless old father-in-law upon the young man's hands--a +burden which no grateful Bessie shared and sweetened? No wonder black +Care sat at the young doctor's back as he drove at that dangerous pace +through the new, encumbered streets. He might have broken his neck over +those heaps of brick and mortar, and it is doubtful whether he would +have greatly cared. + +When Dr Rider went home that night, the first sight he saw when he +pulled up at his own door was his brother's large indolent shabby figure +prowling up the street. In the temper he was then in, this was not +likely to soothe him. It was not a much-frequented street, but the young +doctor knew instinctively that his visitor had been away in the heart of +the town at the booksellers' shops buying cheap novels, and ordering +them magnificently to be sent to Dr Rider's; and could guess the curious +questions and large answers which had followed. He sprang to the ground +with a painful suppressed indignation, intensified by many mingled +feelings, and waited the arrival of the maudlin wanderer. Ah me! one +might have had some consolation in the burden freely undertaken for +love's sake, and by love's self shared and lightened: but this load of +disgrace and ruin which nobody could take part of--which it was misery +so much as to think that anybody knew of--the doctor's fraternal +sentiments, blunted by absence and injury, were not strong enough to +bear that weight. + +"So, Fred, you have been out," said Dr Rider, moodily, as he stood aside +on his own threshold to let his brother pass in--not with the courtesy +of a host, but the precaution of a jailer, to see him safe before he +himself entered and closed the door. + +"Yes, you can't expect a man to sit in the house for ever," said the +prodigal, stumbling in to his brother's favourite sitting-room, where +everything was tidy and comfortable for the brief leisure of the +hard-working man. The man who did no work threw himself heavily into +the doctor's easy-chair, and rolled his bemused eyes round upon his +brother's household gods. Those book-shelves with a bust at either +corner, those red curtains drawn across the window, those prints on the +walls--all once so pleasant to the doctor's eyes--took a certain air of +squalor and wretchedness to-night which sickened him to look at. The +lamp flared wildly with an untrimmed wick, or at least Dr Rider thought +so; and threw a hideous profile of the intruder upon the wall behind +him. The hearth was cold, with that chill, of sentiment rather than +reality, naturally belonging to a summer night. Instead of a familiar +place where rest and tranquillity awaited him, that room, the only +vision of home which the poor young fellow possessed, hardened into four +walls, and so many chairs and tables, in the doctor's troubled eyes. + +But it bore a different aspect in the eyes of his maudlin brother. +Looking round with those bewildered orbs, all this appeared luxury to +the wanderer. Mentally he appraised the prints over the mantelshelf, and +reckoned how much of _his_ luxuries might be purchased out of them. That +was all so much money wasted by the Croesus before him. What a mint of +money the fellow must be making; and grudged a little comfort to his +brother, his elder brother, the cleverest of the family! The dull +exasperation of selfishness woke in the mind of the self-ruined man! + +"You're snug enough here," he exclaimed, "though you shut me in up-stairs +to burrow out of sight. By Jove! as if I were not good enough to face +your Carlingford patients. I've had a better practice in my day than +ever you'll see, my fine fellow, with your beggarly M.R.C.S. And you'd +have me shut myself up in my garret into the bargain! You're ashamed of +me, forsooth! You can go spending money on that rubbish there, and can't +pay a tailor's bill for your elder brother; and as for introducing me in +this wretched hole of a place, and letting me pick up a little money for +myself--I, a man with twice the experience in the profession that you +have----" + +"Fred, stop that," cried the doctor--"I've had about enough. Look +here--I can't deny you shelter and what you call necessaries, because +you're my brother; but I won't submit to be ruined a second time by any +man. If I am ever to do any good in this world--and whether I do any +good or not," he added fiercely, "I'll not have my good name tarnished +and my work interfered with _again_. I don't care two straws for my +life. It's hard enough--as hard as a treadmill, and never a drop of +consolation in the cup; though I might have had that if I had been +anything but a fool. But look here, I do care for my practice--I won't +have you put your confounded spoke in my wheel again. Keep on in your +own way; smoke and drink and dream if you will; but I'll stand no +interference with my work--and that I tell you once for all." + +This speech was uttered with great vehemence, the speaker walking up and +down the room all the while. The bitterness of ingratitude and malice +had entered into the young man's soul. All the wrongs which the clever +elder brother, to whose claims everybody else was subordinated, had done +to his family, rose upon the recollection of the younger; all the still +bitterer sting of that injury which had been personal to himself; all +the burden and peril of this present undesired visit, the discontent, +the threats, the evident power of doing evil, woke the temper and spirit +of the young doctor. It was not Fred's fault that his brother had made +that mistake in life which he repented so bitterly. Bessie Christian's +bridal veil, and white ribbons; her joyful face untouched with any +pensive reminiscences; and the dead dulness of that house, into which +foot of woman never entered, were not of Fred's doing; but passion is +not reasonable. The doctor gave Fred credit unconsciously for the whole. +He walked up and down the room with a whole world of passionate mortified +feeling--vexation, almost despair, throbbing within him. He seemed to +have made a vast sacrifice for the sake of this brother who scorned him +to his face. + +"You're hot," said the disreputable figure in Dr Rider's easy-chair, +"much hotter than there's any occasion for. Do I envy you your beggarly +patients, do you suppose? But, Ned, you never were cut out for the +profession--a good shopkeeping business would have been a deal better +for you. Hang it! you haven't the notions of a gentleman. You think +bread and water is all you're bound to furnish your brother when he is +under a cloud. As for society, I never see a soul--not even yourself, +though you're no great company. Look here--I am not unreasonable; order +in some supper--there's a good fellow--and let's have a comfortable +evening together. You're not the man you used to be, Ned. You used to be +a fellow of spirit; somebody's jilted you, or something--I don't want +to pry into your secrets; but let's have a little comfort for once in a +way, and you shall have the whole business about the old colony, and how +I came to leave it--the truth, and nothing but the truth." + +It was some time before the victim yielded; at last, half to escape the +painful ferment of his own thoughts, and half with a natural yearning +for some sympathy and companionship, however uncongenial, he fell out of +his heat and passion into a more complacent mood. He sat down, watching +with a gulp of hardly-restrained disgust that lolling figure in the +chair, every gesture of which was the more distasteful for being so +familiar, and recalling a hundred preliminary scenes all tending towards +this total wreck and shame. Then his mind softened with fraternal +instincts--strange interlacement of loathing and affection. He was +tired, hungry, chilled to his heart. The spell of material comfort, +even in such company, came upon the young man. They supped together, +not much to the advantage of Dr Rider's head, stomach, or temper, on the +following morning. The elder told his story of inevitable failure, and +strange unexplainable fatality. The younger dropped forth expressions of +disappointment and trouble which partly eased his own mind. Thus they +spent together the unlovely evening; and perhaps a few such nights would +have done as much harm to the young doctor's practice as had he introduced +his disreputable brother without more ado into the particular little +world of Carlingford. + + + + +CHAPTER II. + + +Next morning Dr Rider rose mightily vexed with himself, as was to be +supposed. He was half an hour late for breakfast: he had a headache, his +hand shook, and his temper was "awful." Before he was dressed, ominous +knocks came to the door; and all feverish and troubled as he was, you +may imagine that the prospect of the day's work before him did not improve +his feelings, and that self-reproach, direst of tormentors, did not mend +the matter. Two ladies were waiting for him, he was told when he went +down-stairs--not to say sundry notes and messages in the ordinary way +of business--two ladies who had brought two boxes with them, and asked +leave to put them in the hall till they could see Dr Rider. The sight +of this luggage in his little hall startled the doctor. Patients do not +generally carry such things about with them. What did it mean? What +could two ladies want with him? The young man felt his face burn with +painful anticipations, a little shame, and much impatience. Probably the +sister who adored Fred, and never could learn to believe that he was not +unfortunate and a victim. This would be a climax to the occupation of +his house. + +As the poor doctor gloomily approached the door of the room in which he +had spent last evening, he heard a little rustle and commotion not quite +consistent with his expectations--a hum of voices and soft stir such as +youthful womankind only makes. Then a voice entirely strange to him +uttered an exclamation. Involuntarily he started and changed his aspect. +He did not know the voice, but it was young, sweet, peculiar. The cloud +lightened a little upon the doctor's face. Notwithstanding Bessie +Christian, he was still young enough to feel a little flutter of curiosity +when he heard such a voice sounding out of his room. Hark! what did she +say? It was a profoundly prosaic speech. + +"What an intolerable smell of smoke! I shouldn't wonder a bit--indeed, +I rather think he must be, or he wouldn't live in a place like this--if +he were exactly such another as Fred." + +"Poor Fred!" said a plaintive voice, "if we only can learn where he is. +Hush, there is a footstep! Ah, it is not my poor fellow's footstep! +Nettie, hark!" + +"No, indeed! twenty thousand times sharper, and more like a man," said +the other, in hurried breathless accents. "Hark! here he is." + +The entire bewilderment, the amaze, apprehension, confusion with which +Dr Rider entered the room from which this scrap of conversation reached +him, is indescribable. A dreadful sense that something was about to +happen seized the young man's mind with an indescribable curiosity. He +paused an instant to recover himself, and then went boldly and silently +into the room which had become mysterious through its new inmates. They +both turned round upon him as he entered. Two young women: one who had +been sitting at the table, looking faded, plaintive, and anxious, rose +up suddenly, and, clasping her hands, as if in entreaty, fixed two +bright but sunken eyes upon his face. The other, a younger, lighter +figure, all action and haste, interposed between him and her companion. +She put up one hand in warning to the petitioner behind her, and one to +call the attention of the bewildered stranger before. Evidently the one +thing which alarmed this young lady was that somebody would speak before +her, and the conduct of the _situation_ be taken out of her hands. She +was little, very slight, very pretty, but her prettiness was peculiar. +The young doctor, accustomed to the fair Saxon version of beauty given by +Bessie Christian, did not at the first glance believe that the wonderful +little person before him possessed any; for she was not only slender, +but _thin_, dark, eager, impetuous, with blazing black eyes and +red lips, and nothing else notable about her. So he thought, gazing +fascinated, yet not altogether attracted--scarcely sure that he was not +repelled--unable, however, to withdraw his eyes from that hurried, +eager little figure. Nothing in the least like her had ever yet appeared +before Dr Rider's eyes. + +"We want to inquire about your brother," said the little stranger; "we +know this was to be his address, and we want to know whether he is living +here. His letters were to be sent to your care; but my sister has not +heard from him now for a year." + +"Never mind that!--never mind telling that, Nettie," cried the other +behind her. "Oh, sir! only tell me where my poor Fred is?" + +"So she began to fear he was ill," resumed the younger of the two, +undauntedly; "though Susan will do nothing but praise him, he has +behaved to her very shamefully. Do you happen to know, sir, where he +is?" + +"Did you say Fred--my brother Fred?" cried the poor young doctor in +utter dismay; "and may I ask who it is that expresses so much interest +in him?" + +There was a momentary pause; the two women exchanged looks. "I told you +so," cried the eager little spokeswoman. "He never has let his friends +know; he was afraid of that. I told you how it was. This," she continued, +with a little tragic air, stretching out her arm to her sister, and +facing the doctor--"this is Mrs Frederick Rider, or rather Mrs Rider, +I should say, as he is the eldest of the family! Now will you please +to tell us where he is?" + +The doctor made no immediate answer. He gazed past the speaker to the +faded woman behind, and exclaimed, with a kind of groan, "Fred's wife!" + +"Yes, Fred's wife," cried the poor creature, rushing forward to him; +"and oh! where is he? I've come thousands of miles to hear. Is he ill? +has anything happened to him? Where is Fred?" + +"Susan, you are not able to manage this; leave it to me," said her +sister, drawing her back peremptorily. "Dr Rider, please to answer us. +We know you well enough, though you don't seem ever to have heard of us. +It was you that my brother-in-law gave up his business to before he +came out to the colony. Oh, we know all about it! To keep him separate +from his wife cannot do you any benefit, Dr Edward. Yes, I know your +name, and all about it; and I don't mean indeed to suffer my sister to +be injured and kept from her husband. I have come all this way with her +to take care of her. I mean to stay with her to take care of her. I have +not parted with my money, though she gave all hers away; and I mean to +see her have her rights." + +"Oh, Nettie, Nettie, how you talk!" cried the unfortunate wife. "You +keep him from answering me. All this time I cannot hear--where is Fred?" + +"Be seated, please," said the doctor, with dreadful civility, "and +compose yourselves. Fred is well enough; as well as he ever is. I don't +know," added poor Rider, with irrestrainable bitterness, "whether he is +quite presentable to ladies; but I presume, madam, if you're his wife, +you're acquainted with his habits. Excuse me for being quite unprepared +for such a visit. I have not much leisure for anything out of my +profession. I can scarcely spare these minutes, that is the truth; but if +you will favour me with a few particulars, I will have the news conveyed +to my brother. I--I beg your pardon. When a man finds he has new +relations he never dreamed of, it naturally embarrasses him at the +moment. May I ask if you ladies have come from Australia alone?" + +"Oh, not alone; the children are at the hotel. Nettie said it was no use +coming unless we all came," said his new sister-in-law, with a half-sob. + +"The children!" Dr Rider's gasp of dismay was silent, and made no sound. +He stood staring blankly at those wonderful invaders of his bachelor +house, marvelling what was to be done with them in the first place. Was +he to bring Fred down all slovenly and half-awakened? was he to leave +them in possession of his private sanctuary? The precious morning +moments were passing while he pondered, and his little groom fidgeted +outside with a message for the doctor. While he stood irresolute, the +indefatigable Nettie once more darted forward. + +"Give me Fred's address, please," said this managing woman. "I'll see +him, and prepare him for meeting Susan. He can say what he pleases to +me; _I_ don't mind it in the very least; but Susan of course must be +taken care of. Now, look here, Dr Edward; Susan is your sister-in-law, +and I am her sister. We don't want to occupy your time. I can manage +everything; but it is quite necessary in the first place that you should +confide in me." + +"Confide!" cried the bewildered man. "Fred is not under my authority. +He is here in my house much against my will. He is in bed, and not fit +to be awakened; and I am obliged to tell you simply, ladies," said the +unfortunate doctor, "that my house has no accommodation for a family. If +you will go back to the hotel where you left the children"--and here the +speaker gave another gasp of horror--"I'll have him roused and sent to +you. It is the only thing I can do." + +"Susan can go," said the prompt Nettie; "I'll stay here until Fred is +ready, and take him to see them. It is necessary he should be prepared, +you know. Don't talk nonsense, Susan--I shall stay here, and Dr Rider, +of course, will call a cab for you." + +"But Nettie, Nettie dear, it isn't proper. I can't leave you all by +yourself in a strange house," remonstrated her sister. + +"Don't talk such stuff; I am perfectly well able to take care of myself; +I am not a London young lady," said the courageous Nettie. "It is +perfectly unnecessary to say another word to me--I know my duty--I shall +stay here." + +With which speech she seated herself resolutely in that same easy-chair +which Fred had lolled in last night, took off her bonnet, for hats were +not in these days, and shed off from her face, with two tiny hands, +exquisite in shape if a little brown in colour, the great braids of +dark-brown silky hair which encumbered her little head. The gesture +mollified Dr Rider in the most unaccountable way in spite of himself. +The intolerable idea of leaving these two in his house became less +intolerable, he could not tell how. And the little groom outside fairly +knocked at the door in that softening moment with a message which could +be delayed no longer. The doctor put his head out to receive the call, +and looked in again perplexed and uncertain. Nettie had quite established +herself in the easy-chair. She sat there looking with her bright eyes +into the vacant air before her, in a pretty attitude of determination +and readiness, beating her little foot on the carpet. Something whimsical, +odd, and embarrassing about her position made it all the more piquant +to the troubled eyes which, in spite of all their worldly wisdom, were +still the eyes of a young man. He could not tell in the world what to +say to her. To order that creature out of his house was simply impossible; +to remain there was equally so; to leave them in possession of the +field--what could the unfortunate young doctor do? One thing was certain, +the impatient patient could no longer be neglected; and after a few +minutes longer of bewildered uncertainty, Dr Rider went off in the +wildest confusion of mind, leaving his brother's unknown family +triumphant in his invaded house. + +To describe the feelings with which the unfortunate doctor went fasting +about his day's work--the manner in which that scene returned to him +after every visit he made--the continual succession in which wrath, +dismay, alarm, bitter disgust with the falsehood of the brother who, no +further gone than last night, had pretended to confide in him, but never +breathed a syllable of this biggest unconcealable secret, swept through +the mind of the victim; all culminating, however, in the softening of +that moment, in the tiny figure, indomitable elf or fairy, shedding back +with dainty fingers those soft abundant locks--would be impossible. The +young man got through his work somehow, in a maze of confusion and +excitement--angry excitement, indignant confusion, determination to +yield nothing further, but to defend himself and his house once for all +from the inroads of what he angrily pronounced in his own mind "another +man's family"--yet, withal, of curiosity and interest which gave zest +greater than usual to the idea of going home. When he was able at last +to turn his horse's head towards his own dwelling, it was with feelings +very different from the usual unexpecting blank of sullen displeasure. +What he should find there, was a curious, exciting, alarming question; +perhaps an entire nursery with Nettie in charge; perhaps a recusant +husband with Nettie mounting guard over him; perhaps a thrilling scene +of family explanation and reconciliation. The day had been a specially +long and hard one. He had been obliged to snatch a hurried lunch at one +of his patients' houses, and to postpone his hard-earned dinner to the +most fashionable of hours. It was indeed quite evening, almost twilight, +when he made his way home at last. As he neared the scene of action, +the tired man condoled with himself over the untimely excitement that +awaited him. He said to himself with pathetic self-pity that it was hard +indeed for a man who had earned a little repose to go in upon all the +troubles of another man's family. He had denied himself--he had not +undertaken upon his own shoulders that pleasing burden; and now what +was he to be saddled with?--the burden without the consolation--the +responsibility without the companionship. All this Dr Rider represented +to himself very pathetically as he wended his homeward way. Yet it is +astonishing, notwithstanding, with what alacrity he hastened upon that +path, and how much the curiosity, the excitement, the dramatic stir and +commotion made in his monotonous life by this entirely new unexpected +incident, occupied his mind. With expectations highly roused, he drew +up once more before his own house. It was surprising to him to see +how exactly it looked like itself. The blinds half-drawn down in the +genteelest calm as they always were--no faces peeping at the windows--no +marks of an arrival on the pavement, or in the composed countenance of +Mary, who stood holding the door open for him. He went in with a little +thrill of curiosity; the house was very quiet--dead-quiet in comparison +with the commotion of his thoughts; so was the sitting-room where he had +left Nettie resolutely planted in the easy-chair; there was nobody there +now; the boxes were out of the hall, not a sound was to be heard in the +house. He turned rather blankly upon Mary, who was going away quite +composedly, as if there was nothing which she wanted to tell or he to +hear. + +"Where is my brother and the ladies?" said the amazed doctor. + +"They all went off to the 'otel, sir, as soon as Mr Rider came +down-stairs," said Mary, complacently. "I assured Miss as it was the +best thing she could do, sir, for that I was 'most sure you'd never have +the children here,--as to be sure there wasn't no room neither," said +the doctor's factotum. "As soon as Mr Frederick came down, she called a +cab, did Miss, and took 'em both away." + +"Oh! so they're gone, are they?" said the doctor. + +"Hours and hours ago," answered Mary; "dinner'll be up in two minutes. +But I wouldn't say much for the potatoes, sir. When a gentleman's +irreg'lar, it's hard laws on the poor servants--nothink will keep, going +on for two hours, and not take no harm; but all's quiet and comfortable +in your room." + +And with this assurance, which she evidently thought a very grateful +one, Mary went off to get the doctor's dinner. He walked to the end of +the room, and then back again, with solemnity--then threw himself into +that easy-chair. "Blessed riddance!" said the doctor; but somehow he +looked glum, wonderfully glum. There was no accounting for those blank +looks of his; he who had been condoling with himself over the exciting +scene he expected, so uncomfortable a conclusion to a long day's labour, +how was it he did not look relieved when that scene was spared him? To +tell the truth, when one has been expecting something to happen, of +whatever description, and has been preparing one's courage, one's +temper, one's fortitude, in anticipatory rehearsals--when one has placed +one's self in the attitude of a martyr, and prepared to meet with fiery +trials--it is mortifying, to say the least, when one finds all the +necessities of the case disappear, and the mildest calm replace that +tragical anticipation: the quiet falls blank upon the excited fancy. Of +course Dr Rider was relieved; but it was with something mightily like +disappointment that he leant back in his chair and knitted his brows at +the opposite wall. Not for the world would he have acknowledged himself +to be disappointed; but the calm was wonderfully monotonous after all +those expectations. He was never so bored and sick of a night by +himself. He tried to read, but reading did not occupy his mind. He grew +furious over his charred chops and sodden potatoes. As for the tea Mary +brought, he would have gladly pitched it at her by way of diversifying +that blank evening with an incident. The contrast between what he had +looked for and what he had, was wonderful. How delicious this stillness +should have been, this consciousness of having his house to himself, and +nobody to interrupt his brief repose! But somehow it appears that human +nature takes best with not having its wishes granted. It is indescribable +how Dr Rider yawned--how dull he found his newspaper--how few books +worth reading there were in the house--how slow the minutes ran on. +If somebody had chosen to be ill that night, of all nights the best +for such a purpose, the doctor would not have objected to such an +interruption. Failing that, he went to bed early, dreadfully tired of +his own society. Such were the wonderful results of that invasion so +much dreaded, and that retreat so much hoped for. Perhaps his own +society had never in his life been so distasteful to him before. + + + + +CHAPTER III. + + +Next day Dr Rider audibly congratulated himself at breakfast upon having +once more his house to himself--audibly, as if it were really necessary +to give utterance to the thought before he could quite feel its force. +A week before, if Fred had departed, however summarily, there can be no +doubt that his brother's feelings of relief and comfort would have been +unfeigned; now, however, he began to think the matter over, and to +justify to himself his extraordinary sense of disappointment. As he +poured out his own coffee with a sober face, his eye rested upon that +easy-chair which had been brought into such prominence in the history +of the last two days. He kept looking at it as he sipped that gloomy +coffee. Fred had faded from the great chair; his big image threw no +shadow upon it. There sat a little fairy queen, tiny as Titania, but +dark as an elf of the East, putting up those two shapely tiny hands, +brown and beautiful, to push aside the flood of hair, which certainly +would have veiled her little figure all over, the doctor thought, had it +been let down. Wonderful little sprite! She, no doubt, had dragged her +plaintive sister over the seas--she it was that had forced her way into +Edward Rider's house; taken her position in it, ousted the doctor; and +she doubtless it was who swept the husband and wife out of it again, +leaving no trace behind. Waking up from a little trance of musing upon +this too interesting subject, Dr Rider suddenly raised himself into an +erect position, body and mind, with an involuntary movement, as if to +shake off the yoke of the enchantress. He reminded himself instinctively +of his brother's falsehood and ingratitude. After throwing himself a +most distasteful burden on Edward's charity for five long dreary months, +the bugbear of the doctor's dreams, and heavy ever-recurring climax of +his uncomfortable thoughts, here had Fred departed without a word of +explanation or thanks, or even without saying good-bye. The doctor +thought himself quite justified in being angry. He began to feel that +the suspicious uneasiness which possessed him was equally natural and +inevitable. Such a thankless, heartless departure was enough to put any +man out. To imagine that Fred could be capable of it, naturally went to +his brother's heart. + +That day there was still no word of the party who had disappeared so +mysteriously out of the doctor's house. Dr Rider went to his hard day's +work vaguely expectant, feeling sure he must hear of them somehow, and +more interested in hearing of them than was to be expected from his +former low ebb of fraternal affection. When he returned and found still +no letter, no message, the blank disappointment of the former night +closed still more blankly upon him. When one is all by one's self, and +has nothing at best but an easy-chair to go home to, and goes home +expecting a letter, or a message, or a visitor who has not arrived, and +has no chance of arriving, the revulsion of feeling is not agreeable. +It did not improve the doctor's temper in the first place. The chill +loneliness of that trim room, with its drawn curtains and tidy pretence +of being comfortable, exasperated him beyond bearing. He felt shut up +in it, and yet would not leave it. Somebody certainly might come even +to-night. Fred himself perhaps, if he could escape from the rigid +guardianship he was under; or was that miraculous Australian Nettie a +little witch, who had spirited the whole party in a nutshell over the +seas? Never was man delivered from a burden with a worse grace than was +Dr Rider; and the matter had not mended in these twenty-four hours. + +Next morning, however, this fever of fraternal suspense was assuaged. +A three-cornered note, addressed in an odd feminine hand, very thin, +small, and rapid, came among Dr Rider's letters. He signalled it out by +instinct, and opened it with an impatience wonderful to behold. + +"SIR,--We are all at the Blue Boar until we can get lodgings, which I +hope to be to-day. I am utterly ashamed of Fred for not having let you +know, and indeed of myself for trusting to him. I should not wonder but +we may have been under a mistake about him and you. If you could call +about one, I should most likely be in to see you, and perhaps you could +give me your advice about the lodgings. Neither of _them_ have the +least judgment in such matters. I am sorry to trouble you; but being a +stranger, perhaps you will excuse me. I understand you are only at home +in the evening, and that is just the time I can't come out, as I have +the whole of them to look to, which is the reason I ask you to call on +me. Begging you will pardon me, I remain, + "NETTIE UNDERWOOD." + +"She remains Nettie Underwood," said the doctor, unawares. He laughed to +himself at that conclusion. Then an odd gleam came across his face. It +was probably the first time he had laughed in a natural fashion for some +months back, and the unusual exertion made his cheeks tingle. His temper +was improved that morning. He went off to his patients almost in a good +humour. When he passed the great house where Bessie Christian now reigned, +he recalled her image with a positive effort. Astonishing what an effect +of distance had floated over the apparition of that bride. Was it a year +since he saw her and gnashed his teeth at the thought of his own folly, +or was it only last Sunday? The doctor could not tell. He put Nettie's +note in his pocket-book, and was at the hotel door punctually at one +o'clock. It was in the principal street of Carlingford, George Street, +where all the best shops, and indeed some of the best houses, were. +From the corner window of the hotel you could see down into the bowery +seclusion of Grange Lane, and Mr Wodehouse's famous apple-trees holding +tempting clusters over the high wall. The prospect was very different +from that which extended before Dr Rider's window. Instinctively he +marvelled within himself whether, if Dr Marjoribanks were to die--people +cannot live for ever even in Carlingford--whether it might not be a +disadvantage to a man to live so far out of the world. No doubt it +was a temptation of the Evil One. Happily the young man did not take +sufficient time to answer himself, but walked forward briskly through +the mazy old passages of the old inn, to a room from which sundry noises +issued. Dr Rider walked in with the natural confidence of a man who +has an appointment. The room was in undisturbed possession of three +children--three children making noise enough for six--all very small, very +precocious, with staring round eyes and the most complete independence of +speech and manners. The doctor confronted the little rabble thunderstruck; +they were his brother's children, unrecognisable little savages as they +were. One little fellow, in a linen pinafore, was mounted on the arm of a +sofa, spurring vigorously; another was pursuing his sister about the +room, trying to catch her feet with the tongs, and filling the air +with repeated loud snaps of disappointment. They intermitted their +occupations to stare at him. "Look here--here's a man," said the youngest, +meditatively, beholding his dismayed uncle with a philosophic eye. +"Can't some one go and tell Nettie?" said the little girl, gazing also +with calm equanimity. "If he wants Nettie he'll have to wait," said the +elder boy. A pause followed; the unhappy doctor stood transfixed by the +steady stare of their three pair of eyes. Suddenly the little girl burst +out of the room, and ran screaming along the passage. "Mamma, mamma, +here's a man come," cried the wonderful colonial child. A few minutes +afterwards their mother appeared, languid and faded as before. Perhaps +she had been even prettier than Nettie in her bright days, if any days +had ever been bright for Fred Rider's wife. She was fairer, larger, +smoother than her sister; but these advantages had lapsed in a general +fade, which transformed her colour into washy pinkness, made her figure +stoop, and her footsteps drag. She came remonstrating all the way in +feeble accents. It was not for her, certainly, that the doctor had taken +the trouble to come to the Blue Boar. + +"Please to sit down," said Mrs Fred, and stood leaning on the table, +looking at her brother-in-law with a calm curiosity, not unlike that +of her children. "Nettie and my husband have gone out together; but now +that we are all so happy and united," she continued, with a sort of +feeble spitefulness, "I am sure it is quite a pity to trouble you. You +could not take us in, you know. You said that very plain, Mr Edward." + +"It was perfectly true, madam," said the doctor. "I have not ventured on +the step my brother has taken, and have naturally no accommodation for a +family. But I am not here for my own pleasure. Your sister, I presume it +is, wrote to me. I was requested to call here to-day." + +"Oh, yes; Nettie is very self-willed--very; though, of course, we could +not get on without her. She attacked Fred like a wild-cat for not writing +you: but I daresay, if the truth were known, you did not expect to hear +from my husband," said the wife, recovering her voice, and fixing a +vindictive gaze upon her visitor, who felt himself betrayed. + +"I came by Miss Underwood's instructions and at her request," said the +unfortunate man. "We need not enter into any question between Fred and +myself." + +"Ah, yes, that is very safe and wise for you," laughed Fred's wife. + +The doctor was deeply exasperated, as was only natural: he eyed the +feeble helpless creature for a moment angrily, provoked to answer her; +but his gaze became one of wonder and dismay ere he withdrew it. Surely +of all incomprehensible entities, the most amazing is a fool--a creature +insensate, unreasoning, whom neither argument nor fact can make any +impression upon. Appalled and impressed, the doctor's gaze left that +pretty faded face to turn upon the children. Dreadful imps! If Fred had +only taken to evil ways after he became possessed of such a family, his +brother could have forgiven him. While these thoughts passed through Dr +Rider's mind, however, deliverance approached. He heard Nettie's voice +in the passage, long before she reached the door. Not that it was loud +like the voices of this dreadful household; but the tone was sufficiently +peculiar to be recognised anywhere. With a most penetrating clearness, +it came through the long passages, words inaudible, only the sound of a +voice, rapid, breathless, decided--with the distant sound of Fred's long, +shambling, uncertain footsteps coming in as the strange accompaniment. +Then they entered the room--the one tiny, bright, dauntless, an intrepid, +undiscourageable little soul; the other with his heavy large limbs, his +bemused face, his air of hopeless failure, idleness, content. Edward +Rider gazed involuntarily from one to another of this two. He saw the +sprite place herself between the husband and wife, a vain little Quixote, +balancing these extremes of helplessness and ruin. He could not help +looking at her with a certain unconscious admiration and amazement, as +he might have looked at a forlorn hope. Thousands of miles away from her +friends, wherever and whatever they might be, with Fred and his wife and +children on her hands, a household of incapables--what was that little +creature to do? + +"Good morning, Dr Edward," said Nettie. "I thought I should have been +back sooner; but Fred is so slow, I cannot manage to get him along at +all. We have found some lodgings a little way out of Carlingford, near +that chapel, you know, or church, or something, that stands a little +off the road: where it's open, and there's morning service, and such a +handsome young clergyman. Who is he? We went into the chapel, and it's +so fine, you would not believe it. Well, just a hundred yards from there +is the house. Four rooms, exactly what I wanted, with a garden for the +children to play in--quite quiet, and fresh and pleasant. Tell me who +the people are--their name is Smith. If they're respectable, I'll go +back and take it. I can afford the rent." + +"Near St Roque's? They belong to the church there. I daresay they are +all right," said the doctor, "but it is a long way off, and inconvenient, +and----" + +"That is just why I want it," said Nettie. "We never were used to +conveniences, and none of us want to be much in the town, so far as I +know. It is the very thing. Why has not lunch come up?--what do these +people mean, Susan, by not attending to their orders? Ring the bell, +Freddy--ring loud; and after lunch, as your drag is at the door, Dr +Edward, you'll drive me down to this place again, that I may secure +it, won't you? I want to have a talk with you besides.--Lunch, please, +immediately. I ordered it to be ready at one--now it is half-past. We +can't have our time wasted this way.--Dr Edward, please, you'll stay." + +The doctor gazed with ever-increasing amazement at the little speaker. +Nobody else had spoken a word. Fred had nodded to him sullenly. Fred's +wife had sunk back on the sofa--everybody seemed to recognise Nettie +as supreme. He hesitated, it must be confessed, to put his grievances +so entirely aside as to sit down in perfect amity with Fred and his +household; but to refuse to drive Nettie to St Roque's was impossible. +The blood rushed to the doctor's face at the thought. What the world +of Carlingford would say to see his well-known vehicle proceeding +down Grange Lane, through Dr Marjoribanks's territories, under such +circumstances, was a question he did not choose to consider; neither did +he enter too minutely into the special moment at which his next patient +might be expecting him. The young man was under the spell, and did not +struggle against it. He yielded to the invitation, which was a command. +He drew near the table at which Nettie, without hesitation, took the +presiding place. A dull amount of conversation, often interrupted by +that lively little woman, rose in the uncongenial party. Nettie cut up +the meat for those staring imps of children--did them all up in snowy +napkins--kept them silent and in order. She regulated what Susan was to +have, and which things were best for Fred. She appealed to Dr Edward +perpetually, taking him into her confidence in a way which could not +fail to be flattering to that young man, and actually reduced to +the calmness of an ordinary friendly party this circle so full of +smouldering elements of commotion. Through all she was so dainty, so +pretty, her rapid fingers so shapely, her eager talk so sweet-toned, +that it was beyond the power of mortal man to remain uninterested. It +was a development of womankind unknown to Dr Rider. Bessie Christian had +exhausted the race for him until now; but Nettie was a thousand times +more piquant than Bessie Christian. He gazed and wondered, and moralised +secretly in his own mind, what was to become of the girl?--what could +she do? + +"You have left some of your things at my house, Fred," said the doctor, +making an attempt to approach his sullen brother, who evidently expected +no overtures of friendship. + +"Yes. Mrs Rider, you see, arrived unexpectedly," said Fred, with +confusion--"in fact, I knew nothing about it, or--or I should have told +you--Nettie----" + +"Nettie thought it best to come off at once, without writing," explained +Fred's wife. + +"What was the use of writing?" cried that little person. "You had +written to Fred for six months without ever getting an answer. You made +everybody unhappy round you with your fears and troubles about him. I +knew perfectly he was quite well and enjoying himself; but, of course, +Susan would not be convinced. So what was there for it but bringing her +away? What else could I do, Dr Edward? And to leave the children would +have been preposterous. In the first place, I should have been miserable +about them; and so, as soon as she found Fred was all right, would +Susan: and something would certainly have happened--scarlet fever or +something--and at the end of all I should have had to go out again to +fetch them. So the shortest way was to bring them at once. Don't you +think so? And to see us all here so comfortable, I am sure is enough to +repay any one for the trouble. Fred, don't drink any more beer." + +Nettie put out her tiny hand as she spoke to arrest the bottle. Fred +stared at her with a dull red flush on his face; but he gave in, in the +most inexplicable way; it seemed a matter of course to yield to Nettie. +The doctor's amazement began to be mingled with amusement. To see how she +managed them all was worth the sacrifice of a little time--unconsciously +he became more fraternal in his thoughts. He spoke to foolish faded Mrs +Fred with a total forgiveness and forgetfulness of her spiteful speech. +He hoped she would like Carlingford; he said something to the children. +But it was not easy to talk in presence of that amazing family party, +the existence of which he had not dreamed of a few days ago. To see +his brother at the head of such a group had, in spite of himself, a +wonderful effect upon Dr Rider. Their children, of course, must be +supported somehow. Who was to do it? Was their father, grown incapable +and useless in the middle of his days, to be forced into the current of +life again? Was it a vague faith in Providence which had brought the +helpless household here; or was it a more distinct, if not so elevated, +confidence in Nettie? The doctor's heart sank once more within him as he +looked round the table. Three helpless by nature--two equally helpless +who ought in nature to have been the support of the whole--nothing but +one bright ready little spirit between them all and destitution; and +what could Nettie do to stave that wolf from the door? Once more Dr +Rider's countenance fell. If the household broke down in its attempt at +independence, who had they to turn to but himself?--such a prospect was +not comfortable. When a man works himself to death for his own family, +he takes the pleasure with the pain; but when another's family threatens +to fall upon his hands, the prospect is naturally appalling--and +even if Fred could do anything, what was Fred's life, undermined by +evil habit, to depend upon? Silence once more fell over the little +company--silence from all but Nettie and the children, who referred to +her naturally instead of to their mother. Fred was sullen, and his wife +took her cue from him. Edward was uneasy and dismayed. Family parties +suddenly assembled without due warning are seldom greatly successful; +and even Nettie could not make immediate reconciliation and fraternal +kindness out of this. + + + + +CHAPTER IV. + + +"Take me down this long pretty road. There must be delicious houses +inside the walls. Look here; drive slowly, and let us have a peep in at +this open door," said Nettie. "How sweet and cosy! and who is that +pretty young lady coming out? I saw her in the chapel this morning. Oh," +added Nettie, with a little sharpness, "she knows _you_--tell me who she +is." + +"That is Miss Lucy Wodehouse--one of our Carlingford beauties," said Dr +Rider. + +"Do you know her very well?" asked the inquisitive Nettie. "How she +stares--why does she stare, do you suppose? Is there anything absurd +about my dress? Look here--don't they wear bonnets just like this in +England?" + +"So far as I am able to judge," said the doctor, looking at the tiny +head overladen with hair, from which the bonnet had fallen half off. + +"I suppose she is surprised to see me here. Drive on faster, Dr Edward, +I want to talk to you. I see Fred has been telling us a parcel of +stories. It would be cruel to tell Susan, you know, for she believes in +him; but you may quite trust me. Is your brother good for anything, Dr +Edward, do you suppose?" + +"Not very much now, I fear," said the doctor. + +"Not very much _now_. I suppose he never was good for much," said the +indignant Nettie; "but he was said to be very clever when he first came +out to the colony. I can't tell why Susan married him. She is very +self-willed, though you would fancy her so submissive. She is one of +those people, you know, who fall ill when they are crossed, and threaten +to die, so that one daren't cross her. Now, then, what is to be done +with them? He will not go back to the colony, and I don't care to do it +myself. Must I keep them here?" + +"Miss Underwood----" began the perplexed doctor. + +"It would save trouble to call me Nettie--everybody does," said his +strange companion; "besides, you are my brother in a kind of a way, and +the only person I can consult with; for, of course, it would not do to +tell one's difficulties to strangers. Fred may not be very much to depend +upon, you know, but still he is Fred." + +"Yes," said the doctor, with a little self-reproach, "still he is Fred; +but pardon me, the name suggests long aggravations. You can't tell how +often I have had to put up with affronts and injuries because it was +Fred. I shouldn't like to grieve you----" + +"Never mind about grieving me;--_I_ am not in love with him;--let me +hear all about it!" said Nettie. + +Dr Rider paused a little; seeing the abyss upon the brink of which this +brave little girl was standing, he had not the heart to aggravate her +by telling the failures of the past. Better to soften the inevitable +discovery if possible. But his hesitation was quite apparent to Nettie. +With considerable impatience she turned round upon him. + +"If you think I don't know what I am doing, but have gone into this +business like a fool, you are quite mistaken, Dr Edward," she said, a +little sharply. "I see how it is as well as anybody can do. I knew how +it was when I left the colony. Don't be alarmed about me. Do you think +I am to be turned against my own flesh and blood by finding out their +follies; or to grumble at the place God put me in?--Nothing of the sort! +I know the kind of situation perfectly--but one _may_ make the best of +it, you know: and for that reason tell me everything, please." + +"But, Miss Underwood, consider," cried the doctor, in consternation. +"You are taking responsibilities upon yourself which nobody could lay +upon you; you! young--tender" (the doctor paused for a word, afraid to +be too complimentary)--"delicate! Why, the whole burden of this family +will come upon you. There is not one able to help himself in the whole +bundle! I am shocked!--I am alarmed!--I don't know what to say to +you----" + +"Don't say anything, please," said Nettie. "I know what I am about. Do +you call this a street or a lane, or what do you call it? Oh, such nice +houses! shouldn't I like to be able to afford to have one of them, and +nurses, and governesses, and everything proper for the children! I should +like to dress them so nicely, and give them such a good education. I +don't know anything particular to speak of, myself--I shall never be +able to teach them when they grow older. If Fred, now, was only to be +trusted, and would go and work like a man and make something for the +children, I daresay I could keep up the house;--but if he won't do +anything, you know, it will take us every farthing just to live. Look +here, Dr Edward: I have two hundred a-year;--Susan had the same, you +know, but Fred got all the money when they were married, and muddled it +away. Now, how much can one do in Carlingford with three children upon +two hundred a-year?" + +"Fred will be the meanest blackguard in existence," cried the doctor, +"if he takes his living from you." + +"He took his living from _you_, it appears," said Nettie, coolly, "and +did not thank you much. We must make the best of him. We can't help +ourselves. Now, there is the pretty church, and there is our little +house. Come in with me and answer for me, Dr Edward. You can say I +am your sister-in-law, you know, and then, perhaps, we can get into +possession at once; for," said Nettie, suddenly turning round upon the +doctor with her brilliant eyes shining out quaintly under the little +brow all puckered into curves of foresight, "it is so sadly expensive +living where we are now." + +To look at the creature thus flashing those shining eyes, not without a +smile lurking in their depths, upon him--to see the triumphant, undaunted, +undoubting youthfulness which never dreamt of failure--to note that +pretty anxiety, the look which might have become a bride in her first +troubles "playing at housekeeping," and think how desperate was the +position she had assumed, how dreary the burden she had taken upon +her--was almost too much for the doctor's self-control. He did not know +whether to admire the little heroine as half-divine, or to turn from +her as half-crazy. Probably, had the strange little spirit possessed a +different frame, the latter was the sentiment which would have influenced +the unimaginative mind of Edward Rider. But there was no resisting that +little brown Titania, with her little head overladen with its beautiful +hair, her red, delicate mouth closing firm and sweet above that little +decided chin, her eyes which seemed to concentrate the light. She seemed +only a featherweight when the bewildered doctor helped her to alight--an +undoubted sprite and creature of romance. But to hear her arranging about +all the domestic necessities within, and disclosing her future plans +for the children, and all the order of that life of which she took the +charge so unhesitatingly, bewildered the mistress of the house as much +as it did the wondering doctor. The two together stood gazing at her as +she moved about the room, pouring forth floods of eager talk. Her words +were almost as rapid as her step,--her foot, light as it was, almost as +decided and firm as her resolutions. She was a wonder to behold as she +pushed about the furniture, and considered how it could be brightened +up and made more comfortable. Gazing at her with his silent lips apart, +Dr Rider sighed at the word. Comfortable! Was she to give her mind to +making Fred and his children comfortable--such a creature as this? +Involuntarily it occurred to Edward that, under such ministrations, +sundry changes might come over the aspect of that prim apartment in +which he had seen her first; the room with the bookcase and the red +curtains, and the prints over the mantelpiece--a very tidy, comfortable +room before any bewitching imp came to haunt it, and whisper suspicions +of its imperfection--the doctor's own retirement, where he had chewed +the cud of sweet and bitter fancies often enough, without much thought +of his surroundings. But Nettie now had taken possession of the prosaic +place, and, all unconscious of that spiritual occupation, was as busy +and as excited about Mrs Smith's lodgings at St Roque's Cottage as if it +were an ideal home she was preparing, and the life to be lived in it was +the brightest and most hopeful in the world. + +When Dr Rider reached home that night, and took his lonely meal in his +lonely room, certain bitter thoughts of unequal fortune occupied the +young man's mind. Let a fellow be but useless, thankless, and heartless +enough, and people spring up on all sides to do his work for him, said +the doctor to himself, with a bitterness as natural as it was untrue. +The more worthless a fellow is, the more all the women connected with +him cling to him and make excuses for him, said Edward Rider in his +indignant heart. Mother and sister in the past--wife and Nettie now--to +think how Fred had secured for himself such perpetual ministrations, +by neglecting all the duties of life! No wonder an indignant pang +transfixed the lonely bosom of the virtuous doctor, solitary and +unconsoled as he was. _His_ laborious days knew no such solace. And as +he fretted and pondered, no visions of Bessie Christian perplexed his +thoughts. He had forgotten that young woman. All his mind was fully +occupied chafing at the sacrifice of Nettie. He was not sorry, he was +angry, to think of her odd position, and the duties she had taken upon +herself. What had she to do with those wretched children, and that +faded spiteful mother? Edward Rider was supremely disgusted. He said to +himself, with the highest moral indignation, that such a girl ought not +to be permitted to tie herself to such a fate. + + + + +CHAPTER V. + + +St Roque's Cottage was considered rather a triumph of local architecture. +A Carlingford artist had built it "after" the Church, which was one of +Gilbert Scott's churches, and perfect in its way, so that its Gothic +qualities were unquestionable. The only thing wanting was size, which +was certainly an unfortunate defect, and made this adaptation of +ecclesiastical architecture to domestic purposes a very doubtful +experiment. However, in bright sunshine, when the abundance of light +neutralised the want of window, all was well, and there was still +abundance of sunshine in Carlingford in October, three months after the +entrance of Fred Rider and his family into Mrs Smith's little rooms. It +was a bright autumn day, still mild, though with a crispness in the air, +the late season showing more in the destitution of the flower-borders +than in any more sensible sign. It was a pretty spot enough for a +roadside. St Roque's stood on the edge of a little common, over which, +at the other margin, you could see some white cottages, natural to +the soil, in a little hamlet-cluster, dropped along the edge of the +grey-green unequal grass; while between the church and the cottage ran +the merest shadow of a brook, just enough to give place and nutriment +to three willow-trees which had been the feature of the scene before St +Roque's was, and which now greatly helped the composition of the little +landscape, and harmonised the new building with the old soil. St Roque's +Cottage, by special intervention of Mr Wentworth, the perpetual curate, +had dropped no intervening wall between its garden and those trees; but, +not without many fears, had contented itself with a wooden paling on the +side nearest the willows. Consequently, the slope of grass at that side, +which Mrs Smith was too prudent to plant with anything that could be +abstracted, was a pretty slope with the irregular willow shadows swept +over it, thin, but still presenting a pale obstruction to the flood of +sunshine on this special afternoon. There a little group was collected, +in full enjoyment of the warmth and the light. Mrs Rider, still faded, +but no longer travel-worn, sat farther up in the garden, on the green +bench, which had been softened with cushions for her use, leisurely +working at some piece of needlework, in lonely possession of the +chrysanthemums and Michaelmas daisies round her; while on the grass, +dropped over with yellow flecks of willow-leaves, lightly loosened by +every passing touch of wind, sat Nettie, all brown and bright, working +with the most rapid fingers at a child's frock, and "minding" with a +corner of her eye the possessor of the same, the tiny Freddy, an imp of +mischief uncontrollable by other hand or look than hers. A little lower +down, poking into the invisible brook through the paling, was the eldest +boy, silent from sheer delight in the unexpected pleasure of coating +himself with mud without remark from Nettie. This unprecedented escape +arose from the fact that Nettie had a visitor, a lady who had bent down +beside her in a half-kneeling attitude, and was contemplating her with +a mingled amaze and pity which intensified the prevailing expression +of kindness in the mildest face in the world. It was Miss Wodehouse, in +her soft dove-coloured dress and large soft checked shawl. Her mild eyes +were fixed upon that brilliant brown creature, all buoyant and sparkling +with youth. These wonderful young people perplexed Miss Wodehouse; here +was another incomprehensible specimen--most incomprehensible perhaps of +all that had ever crossed her mild elderly horizon with bewildering +unintelligible light. + +"My dear," said Miss Wodehouse, "things used to be very different +when I was young. When we were girls we thought about our own +pleasures--and--and vanities of all kinds," said the good woman, with a +little sigh; "and, indeed, I can't think it is natural still to see you +devoting yourself like this to your sister's family. It is wonderful; +but dear, dear me! it isn't natural, Nettie, such self-devotion." + +"I do wish you wouldn't speak!" said Nettie, with a sudden +start--"self-devotion! stuff! I am only doing what must be done. Freddy +can't go on wearing one frock for ever, can he--does it stand to reason? +Would you have me sit idle and see the child's petticoats drop to pieces? +I am a colonial girl--I don't know what people do in England. Where I +was brought up we were used to be busy about whatever lay nearest to our +hand." + +"It isn't Freddy's frock," said Miss Wodehouse, with a little solemnity. +"You know very well what I mean. And suppose you were to marry--what +would happen supposing you were to marry, Nettie?" + +"It is quite time enough to think of that when there is any likelihood +of it happening," said Nettie, with a little toss of her head. "It is +only idle people who have time to think of falling in love and such +nonsense. When one is very busy it never comes into one's head. Why, +you have never married, Miss Wodehouse; and when I know that I have +everything I possibly could desire, why should I?" + +Miss Wodehouse bent her troubled sweet old face over the handle of her +parasol, and did not say anything for a few minutes. "It is all very +well as long as you are young," she said, with a wistful look; "and +somehow you young creatures are so much handier than we used to be. Our +little Lucy, you know, that I can remember quite a baby--I am twice as +old as she is," cried Miss Wodehouse, "and she is twice as much use in +the world as I. Well, it is all very strange. But, dear, you know, +_this_ isn't natural all the same." + +"It is dreadful to say so--it is dreadful to think so!" cried Nettie. +"I know what you mean--not Freddy's frock, to be sure, but only one's +whole life and heart. Should one desert the only people belonging to one +in the world because one happens to have a little income and they have +none? If one's friends are not very sensible, is that a reason why one +should go and leave them? Is it right to make one's escape directly +whenever one feels one is wanted? or what do you mean, Miss Wodehouse?" +said the vehement girl. "That is what it comes to, you know. Do you +imagine I had any choice about coming over to England when Susan was +breaking her heart about her husband? could one let one's sister die, +do you suppose? And now that they are all together, what choice have I? +They can't do much for each other--there is actually nobody but me to +take care of them all. You may say it is not natural, or it is not +right, or anything you please, but what else can one do? That is the +practical question," said Nettie, triumphantly. "If you will answer +that, then I shall know what to say to you." + +Miss Wodehouse gazed at her with a certain mild exasperation, shook her +head, wrung her hands, but could find nothing to answer. + +"I thought so," said Nettie, with a little outburst of jubilee; "that +is how it always happens to abstract people. Put the practical question +before them, and they have not a word to say to you. Freddy, cut the +grass with the scissors, don't cut my trimmings; they are for your own +frock, you little savage. If I were to say it was my duty and all that +sort of stuff, you would understand me, Miss Wodehouse; but one only +says it is one's duty when one has something disagreeable to do; and I +am not doing anything disagreeable," added the little heroine, flashing +those eyes which had confused Edward Rider--those brilliant, resolute, +obstinate eyes, always with the smile of youth, incredulous of evil, +lurking in them, upon her bewildered adviser. "I am living as I like to +live." + +There was a pause--at least there was a pause in the argument, but not +in Nettie's talk, which ran on in an eager stream, addressed to Freddy, +Johnnie, things in general. Miss Wodehouse pondered over the handle +of her parasol. She had absolutely nothing to say; but, thoroughly +unconvinced and exasperated at Nettie's logic, could not yet retire from +the field. + +"It is all very well to talk just now," said the gentle woman at last, +retiring upon that potent feminine argument; "but, Nettie, think! If you +were to marry----" + +Miss Wodehouse paused, appalled by the image she herself had conjured +up. + +"Marrying is really a dreadful business, anyhow," she added, with a +sigh; "so few people, you know, can, when they might. There is poor Mr +Wentworth, who brought me here first; unless he gets preferment, poor +fellow----. And there is Dr Rider. Things are very much changed from +what they used to be in my young days." + +"Is Dr Rider in the same dilemma? I suppose, of course, you mean Dr +Edward," cried Nettie, with a little flash of mischievous curiosity. +"Why? He has nobody but himself. I should like to know why he can't +marry--that is, if anybody would have him--when he pleases. Tell me; you +know he is my brother-in-law." + +Miss Wodehouse had been thinking of Bessie Christian. She paused, partly +for Dr Rider's sake, partly because it was quite contrary to decorum, +to suppose that Bessie, now Mrs Brown, might possibly a year ago +have married somebody else. She faltered a little in her answer. "A +professional man never marries till he has a position," said Miss +Wodehouse, abstractedly. Nettie lifted upon her, eyes that danced with +mischief and glee. + +"A profession is as bad as a family, then," said the little Australian. +"I shall remember that next time you speak to me on this subject. I am +glad to think Dr Edward, with all his prudence, is disabled too." + +When Nettie had made this unguarded speech, she blushed; and suddenly, +in a threatening and defiant manner, raised her eyes again to Miss +Wodehouse's face. Why? Miss Wodehouse did not understand the look, nor +put any significance into the words. She rose up from the grass, and +said it was time for her to go. She went away, pondering in her own mind +those singular new experiences of hers. She had never been called upon +to do anything particular all her gentle life. Another fashion of woman +might have found a call to action in the management of her father's +house, or the education of her motherless young sister. But Miss +Wodehouse had contented herself with loving Lucy--had suffered her to +grow up very much as she would, without interference--had never taken +a decided part in her life. When anything had to be done, to tell the +truth, she was very inexpert--unready--deeply embarrassed with the unusual +necessity. Nettie's case, so wonderfully different from anything she +could have conceived, lay on her mind and oppressed her as she went home +to Grange Lane. + +As for Nettie herself, she took her work and her children indoors after +a while, and tried on the new frock, and scolded and rehabilitated the +muddy hero of the brook. Then, with those light fairy motions of hers, +she spread the homely table for tea, called in Susan, sought Fred in his +room up-stairs with a stinging word which penetrated even his callous +mind, and made him for the moment ashamed of himself. Nettie bit her red +lip till it grew white and bloodless as she turned from Fred's door. It +was not hard to work for the children--to support and domineer over +Susan; but it was hard for such an alert uncompromising little soul to +tolerate that useless hulk--that heavy encumbrance of a man, for whom +hope and life were dead. She bit her lip as she discharged her sharp +stinging arrow at him through the half-opened door, and then went +down singing, to take her place at the table which her own hands had +spread--which her own purse supplied with bread. Nobody there showed the +least consciousness of that latter fact; nobody fancied it was anything +but natural to rely upon Nettie. The strange household demeaned itself +exactly as if things were going on in the most regular and ordinary +course. No wonder that spectators outside looked on with a wonder that +could scarcely find expression, and half exasperated, half admiring, +watched the astonishing life of the colonial girl. + +Nobody watched it with half the amount of exasperation which concentrated +in the bosom of Dr Rider. He gazed and noted and observed everything +with a secret rage, indignation, and incredulity impossible to describe. +He could not believe it even when it went on before his very eyes. +Doctor though he was, and scientific, to a certain extent, Edward Rider +would have believed in witchcraft--in some philtre or potion acting upon +her mind, rather than in Nettie's voluntary folly. Was it folly? was it +heroism? was it simple necessity, as she herself called it? Nobody +could answer that question. The matter was as incomprehensible to Miss +Wodehouse as to Dr Rider, but not of such engrossing interest. Bessie +Christian, after all, grew tame in the Saxon composure of her beauty +before this brown, sparkling, self-willed, imperious creature. To see +her among her self-imposed domestic duties filled the doctor with a +smouldering wrath against all surrounding her, which any momentary spark +might set aflame. + + + + +CHAPTER VI. + + +Affairs went on in Carlingford with the usual commonplace pertinacity of +human affairs. Notable events happened but seldom in anybody's life, and +matters rolled back into their ordinary routine, or found a new routine +for themselves after the ordinary course of humanity. After the +extraordinary advent of Nettie and her strange household--after the +setting-out of that wonderful little establishment, with all the amazed +expectation it excited--it was strange to see how everything settled +down, and how calmly the framework of common life took in that exceptional +and half-miraculous picture. Lookers-on prophesied that it never could +last--that in the very nature of things some sudden crisis or collapse +must ensue, and the vain experiment prove a failure; but quiet nature +and steady time prevailed over these moralists and their prophecies. The +winter went on calmly day by day, and Nettie and her dependants became +legitimate portions of Carlingford society. People ceased to wonder +by degrees. Gradually the eyes of Carlingford grew accustomed to that +dainty tiny figure sweeping along, by mere impulse of cheerful will +and ceaseless activity, the three open-eyed staring children, the faded +mother. Sometimes, indeed, Nettie, too clear of the necessity of her +own exertions, and too simply bent upon her business, to feel any +sentimental shame of her relations, was seen quickening the sluggish +steps of Fred himself, who shuffled along by her side in a certain +flush of self-disgust, never perceptible upon him under any other +circumstances. Even Fred was duly moved by her vicinity. When he saw +other people look at them, his bemused intellect was still alive enough +to comprehend that people were aware of his dismal dependence upon that +fairy creature, whom it was a shame to think of as the support not only +of his deserted children, but of his own base comforts and idleness. But +the spur, though it pricked, did not goad him into any action. When he +got home, he took refuge in his room up-stairs, in the hazy atmosphere +drugged with the heavy fumes of his pipe, and stretched his slovenly +limbs on his sofa, and buried his confused faculties in his old novel. +So he lived day by day, circumscribed in the most dangerous of his +indulgences by Nettie's unhesitating strictures and rules, which nobody +dared break, but unlimited in his indolence, his novel, and his pipe. +That stifling fire, that close room, the ashes of the pipe on the table, +the listless shabby figure on the sofa, were the most dismal part of the +interior at St Roque's Cottage, so far as it appeared to the external +eye. But it is doubtful whether Mrs Fred, spiteful and useless, with +her poor health, her selfish love, her utter unreason, dawdling over +trifling matters which she never completed; or the three children, +entirely unrespectful of father and mother, growing up amid that wonderful +subversion of the ordinary rules of nature, with some loyalty to Nettie, +but no reverence in them, were not as appalling companions to live with. +Nettie, however, did not consider the matter as a spectator might. She +did not enter into it at all as a matter to be criticised; they simply +belonged to her as they were. She knew their faults without loving them +less, or feeling it possible that faults could make any difference to +those bonds of nature. Fred, indeed, did afflict her lively impatient +spirit;--she had tried to quicken him into life at first--she gave him +up with a certain frank scorn now, and accepted her position. Thus he +was to be all his life long this big cumberer of the ground. Nettie, +valorous and simple, made up her mind to it. He was Fred--that was all +that could be said on the subject; and, being Fred, belonged to her, and +had to be cared for like the rest. + +It all grew into a matter of routine as that winter glided along; +outside and in, everybody came to take it for granted. Miss Wodehouse, +who, with a yearning admiration of a creature so totally unlike herself, +came often to visit Nettie, ceased to expostulate, almost ceased to +wonder. Mr Wentworth no longer opened his fine eyes in amazement when +that household was named. Mrs Smith, their landlady, calmly brought her +bills to Nettie, and forgot that it was not the most natural thing in +the world that she should be paid by Miss Underwood. The only persistent +sceptic was the doctor. Edward Rider could not, would not, believe it. +He who had so chafed under Fred's society, felt it beyond the bounds +of human possibility that Nettie could endure him. He watched with an +eagerness which he found it difficult to account for, to see the first +symptoms of disgust which must ere long mark the failure of this bold +but foolish venture. It occupied his mind a great deal more than was +good for his own comfort; perhaps more than was best for his patients. +Though he had few people to visit in that quarter of the town, his +drag was seen to pass St Roque's Cottage most days in the week; and +when urgent messages came for Dr Rider in the evening, his little +groom always wended his way out through the special district of Dr +Marjoribanks to find his master, if the doctor was not at home. Not that +all this devotion assisted him much either in increase of friendship +with his relations, or in verification of his auguries. The disgust of +the young doctor, when he saw his brother's slovenly figure in his own +chair, was nothing to his disgust now, when he saw that same form, so +out of accordance with the neat little sitting-room which Nettie's +presence made dainty and refined in its homeliness, lounging in Nettie's +way. He could not bring himself to speak with ordinary patience to +Fred; and Fred, obtuse as he was, perceived his brother's disgust and +contempt, and resented it sullenly; and betrayed his resentment to the +foolish wife, who sulked and said spiteful things to Edward. It was not +a pleasant family group. As for Nettie, she was much too fully occupied +to give her society or conversation to Dr Rider. She came and went +while he was there, busy about a thousand things, always alert, decided, +uncompromising--not disinclined to snub either Fred or Susan when +opportunity offered, totally unconscious even of that delicacy with +which a high fantastical heroine of romance would have found it +necessary to treat her dependants. It was this unconsciousness, above +all, that irritated the doctor. If she had shown any feeling, he said +to himself--if she had even been grandly aware of sacrificing herself +and doing her duty--there would have been some consolation in it. But +Nettie obstinately refused to be said to do her duty. She was doing +her own will with an imperious distinctness and energy--having her own +way--displaying no special virtue, but a determined wilfulness. Dr +Rider was half disgusted with Nettie, to see how little disgust she +showed of her companions. He was disappointed in her: he concluded to +himself that she did not show that fine perception which he was disposed +to expect from so dainty a little sprite. Yet, notwithstanding all these +disappointed expectations, it is astonishing how he haunted that room +where the society was so unattractive, and bore Mrs Fred's spiteful +speeches, and suffered his eyes and his temper to be vexed beyond +endurance by the dismal sight of his brother. The children, too, worried +their unfortunate uncle beyond description. He did not dislike children: +as a general rule, mothers in the other end of Carlingford, indeed, +declared the doctor to be wonderfully tender and indulgent to his +little patients: but those creatures, with their round staring eyes, +the calm remarks they made upon their father's slovenly indolence and +their mother's imbecility--their precocious sharp-sightedness and +insubordination, moved Dr Rider with a sharp prevailing inclination, +intensifying by times almost into action, to whip them all round, and +banish the intolerable brats out of sight. Such was his unpaternal way +of contemplating the rising hopes of his house. How Nettie could bear it +all, was an unceasing marvel to the doctor. Yet, in spite of these +disagreeables, he went to St Roque's all the same. + +One of these winter evenings the doctor wended his way to St Roque's +Cottage in a worse frame of mind than usual. It was a clear frosty +night, very pleasant to be out in, though sharp and chill; such a night +as brightens young eyes, and exhilarates young hearts, when all is well +with them. Young Rider could hear his own footsteps echoing along the +hard frost-bound road, and could not but wonder in himself, as he drew +near the group of buildings which broke the solitude of the way, whether +Nettie too might hear it, and _perhaps_ recognise the familiar step. The +shadow of St Roque's fell cold over him as he passed. Just from that +spot the light in the parlour window of the cottage became perceptible +to the wayfarer. A shadow crossed the blind as he came in sight--Nettie +unquestionably. It occurred to Dr Rider to remember with very sharp +distinctness at that moment, how Nettie's little shadow had dropped +across the sunshine that first morning when he saw her in his own room. +He quickened his step unawares--perhaps to-night Nettie might be more +accessible than usual, less shut in and surrounded by her family. He +pictured to himself, as he went past the willows, which rustled faintly +with their long bare branches in the night air, that perhaps, as he was +later than usual, Fred might have retired to his den up-stairs; and +Susan might have gone to bear Fred company--who knows? and the children +might be in bed, the dreadful little imps. And for once a half-hour's +talk with the strange little head of the house might comfort the young +doctor's fatigued mind and troubled heart. + +For he was sadly fatigued and worn out. What with incessant occupation +and distracted thoughts, this year had been a very exhausting one for +the doctor. He had fagged on through the whole summer and autumn without +any relaxation. He had chafed over Fred's presence for half of the +year, and had been occupied for the other half with matters still more +absorbing and exciting. Even now his mind was in a perpetual ferment, +and no comforting spirit spoke quietness to his soul--no stout heart +strengthened his--no lively intelligence animated his own to worthy +doings. He was very cross and fretful, and knew himself to be so that +particular evening--worried and in want of rest. What a chance, if +perhaps he found Nettie, whose very provocations were somehow more +interesting than other people's most agreeable and tranquillising +efforts, all alone and at leisure! He went on with some palpitations of +hope. As soon as he had entered the cottage, however, he found out the +delusion he was under. The children were the first fact that presented +itself to his senses; an uproar that pervaded the house, a novel tumult +waking all the echoes; glimpses of flying figures pursuing each other +with brushes and mops, and other impromptu weapons; one astride upon +the banisters of the stairs, sliding down from top to bottom; another +clinging now and then, in the pauses of the conflict, to the top of +one of the doors, by which it swung back and forward. Terrible infants! +there they all were in a complete saturnalia, the door of the parlour +half open all the time, and no sound of Nettie's restraining voice. +Only poor Mrs Smith standing helpless in successions of fright and +exasperation, sometimes alarmed for life and limb, sometimes ready to +give the little wretches over to all the penalties of poetic justice. +The poor woman brightened a little when she perceived the sympathetic +horror on the doctor's face. + +"How's this?" exclaimed young Rider, with a sigh of dismay. Alas! +however it was, no quiet imaginary conference, no soothing glimpse of +Nettie, was practicable to-night. He grew sulky and ferocious under +the thought. He seized the imp that hung on the door, and set it down +summarily with a certain moral violence, unable to refrain from an +admonitory shake, which startled its sudden scream into a quavering echo +of alarm. "Do you want to break your neck, sir?" cried the wrathful +uncle. Dr Rider, however, had to spring aside almost before the words +were uttered to escape the encounter of a hearth-brush levelled at him +by his sweet little niece. "How is this, Mrs Smith?" cried the startled +visitor, with indignation, raising his voice sufficiently to be quite +audible through the half-open door. + +"Bless you, sir, Miss is gone out to tea--don't say nothing--I don't +begrudge the poor young lady a bit of a holiday," whispered the frightened +landlady under her breath; "but I can't never give in to it again. Their +mamma never takes a bit of notice exceptin' when they're found fault +with. Lord! to think how blind some folks is when it's their own. But +the poor dear young lady, she's gone out for a little pleasure--only to +Miss Wodehouse's, doctor," added Mrs Smith, looking up with a sudden +start to catch the stormy expression on the doctor's face. + +He made no reply to the troubled landlady. He pushed the children aside, +and made a stride into the parlour. To be sure, if Nettie was not here, +what a charming opportunity to make himself disagreeable, and give the +other two a piece of his mind! Edward Rider was anything but perfect. He +decided on that expedient with an angry satisfaction. Since he could not +have Nettie, he would at least have this relief to his feelings, which +was next best. + +The room was full of smoke, which came in heavy puffs from Fred's pipe. +He himself lay stretched on the little sofa; Nettie's sofa--Nettie's +room--the place sacred in the doctor's heart to that bright little +figure, the one redeeming presence in this dismal household. Mrs Fred +sat dawdling opposite her husband over some wretched fancy-work. Eyes +less prejudiced than those of Edward Rider might have imagined this a +scene of coarse but not unpleasant domestic comfort. To him it was a +disgusting picture of self-indulgence and selfish miserable enjoyment, +almost vice. The very tobacco which polluted the atmosphere of her room +was bought with Nettie's money. Pah! the doctor came in with a silent +pale concentration of fury and disgust, scarcely able to compel himself +to utter ordinary words of civility. His presence disturbed the pair in +their stolen pleasure. Fred involuntarily put aside his pipe, and Mrs +Fred made a little movement to remove from the table the glass from +which her husband had been drinking; but both recollected themselves +after a moment. The wife set down the glass with a little spiteful toss +of her head; the husband, with that heated sullen flush upon his face, +relighted his half-extinguished pipe, and put up again on the sofa +the slovenly-slippered feet which at Edward's first appearance he had +withdrawn from it. A sullen "How d'ye do?" was all the salutation that +passed between them. _They_ felt themselves found out; the visitor felt +with rage and indignation that he had found them out. Defiant shame and +resentment, spiteful passion and folly, on one side, encountered the +gaze of a spectator outside whose opinion could not be mistaken, a known +critic and possible spy. Little comfort could come from this strange +reunion. They sat in uneasy silence for a few minutes, mutually ready +to fly at each other. Mrs Fred, in her double capacity as a woman and a +fool, was naturally the first to speak. + +"Nettie's gone out to tea," said that good wife. "I daresay, Mr Edward, +we should not have had the pleasure of seeing you here had you known +that only Fred and I were at home. It is very seldom we have an evening +to ourselves. It was too great a pleasure, I suppose, not to be +disturbed." + +"Susan, hold your confounded tongue," said the ungrateful Fred. + +"I am sorry to disturb Mrs Rider," said Edward, with deadly civility. +"I was not aware, indeed, of the domestic enjoyment I was likely to +interrupt. But if you don't want your boys to break their necks, some +one ought certainly to interfere outside there." + +"That is exactly what I expected," said Mrs Fred. "My poor children +can't have a little amusement, poor things, but somebody must interfere +with it; and my poor Fred--perhaps you have some fault to find with him, +Mr Edward? Oh, I can see it in your looks! so please take your advantage, +now that there's nobody to be afraid of. I can tell you have ever so +many pleasant things just on your lips to say." + +"I wish you'd mind your own business, Susan," said her husband, who was +not a fool. "Look after these imps there, and let me and Edward alone. +Nettie's gone out, you understand. She's a wonderful creature, to be +sure, but it's a blessed relief to get rid of her for a little. A man +can't breathe under her sharp eyes," said Fred, half apologetic, half +defiant, as he breathed out a puff of smoke. + +Edward Rider stared at his brother, speechless with rage and indignation. +He could have rushed upon that listless figure, and startled the life half +out of the nerveless slovenly frame. The state of mingled resentment, +disappointment, and disgust he was in, made every particular of this +aggravating scene tell more emphatically. To see that heavy vapour +obscuring those walls which breathed of Nettie--to think of this one +little centre of her life, which always hitherto had borne in some +degree the impress of her womanly image, so polluted and vulgarised, +overpowered the young man's patience. Yet perhaps he of all men in the +world had least right to interfere. + +"How is it possible," burst forth the doctor all at once, "that you can +live upon that creature, Fred? If you have the heart of a mouse in that +big body of yours--if you are not altogether lost and degraded, how can +you do it? And, by Jove, when all is done, to go and fill the only room +she has--the only place you have left her--with this disgusting smoke +and noise as soon as her back is turned! Good heaven! it sickens one to +think of it. A fellow like you, as strong as any hodman, to let such a +creature sacrifice herself to keep him in bread; and the only bit of a +little place she can sit down in when she comes home--It's too much, you +know--it's more than she ought to bear." + +"And who are you, to meddle with us and our arrangements?" cried Mrs +Fred. "My husband is in his own house. You would not take us into your +house, Mr Edward----" + +"Hold your confounded tongue, I tell you," said Fred, slowly gathering +himself off the sofa. "You're a pretty fellow to speak, you are--that +wouldn't lend a fellow a shilling to keep him from ruin. You had better +remember where you are--in--in--as Susan says--my own house." + +What outbreak of contempt might have come from the doctor's lips was +fortunately lost at that moment, since a louder outcry than usual from +outside, the screams of the children, and the wailings of the landlady, +at length roused the mother to the length of going to the door. When +she was gone the two brothers eyed each other threateningly. Fred, not +without a certain intolerable sensation of shame, rose to knock his pipe +upon the mantel-shelf among Nettie's pretty girlish ornaments. Somehow +these aggravations of insult to her image drove Edward Rider desperate. +He laid his hand on Fred's shoulder and shook him violently. + +"Wake up! can't you wake up and see what you're about?" cried the +doctor; "can't you show a little respect for her, at least? Look here, +Fred Rider. I knew you could do anything shabby or mean, if it suited +you. I knew you would consent to hang a burden on anybody that would +take such a weight upon them; but, by Jove, I did not think you had the +heart to insult her, after all. A man can't stand by and see that. Clear +off your pipe and your brandy before she comes, or, as sure as I am made +of flesh and blood, and not cast-iron----" + +The doctor's threats were interrupted by the entrance of a woeful +procession. Into the presence of the two brothers, eyeing each other +with such lowering faces, Mrs Smith and her husband entered, carrying +between them, with solemn looks, the unconscious Freddy, while his +mother followed screaming, and his little brother and sister staring +open-mouthed. It was some relief to the doctor's feelings, in the +excitement of the moment, to rush to the window and throw it open, +admitting a gust of chill December air, penetrating enough to search to +the bones of the fireside loiterer. Fred was father enough to turn with +anxiety to the child. But his trembling nervous fingers and bemused eyes +could make nothing of the "case" thus so suddenly brought before him. He +turned fiercely and vacantly upon his wife and demanded why everything +was suffered to go to ruin when Nettie was away. Mrs Fred, screaming and +terrified, began to recriminate. The pallid figure of the child on the +table gave a certain air of squalid tragedy to the scene, to the sordid +miseries of which the night air, coming in with a rush, chilling the +group in their indoor dresses, and flickering the flame of the candles, +added one other point of dismal accumulation. The child had dropped from +his swing on the door, and was stunned with the fall. Both father +and mother thought him dead in the excitement of the moment; but the +accustomed and cooler eyes of the doctor perceived the true state of +affairs. Edward Rider forgot his disgust and rage as he devoted himself +to the little patient--not that he loved the child more, but that the +habits of his profession were strong upon him. When he had succeeded +in restoring the little fellow to consciousness, the doctor threw a +professional glance of inquiry round him to see who could be trusted. +Then, with a contemptuous shrug of his shoulders and impatient +exclamation, turned back to the table. Fred, shivering and helpless, +stood by the fire, uttering confused directions, and rubbing miserably +his own flabby hands; his wife, crying, scolding, and incapable, stood +at the end of the table, offering no assistance, but wondering when +ever Nettie would come back. Dr Rider took the patient in his arms, and, +beckoning Mrs Smith to go before him, carried the child up-stairs. There +the good mistress of the cottage listened to all his directions, and +promised devoutly to obey him--to keep the room quiet, if she could--to +tell everything he had said to Miss Nettie. He did not enter the +desecrated parlour again when he came down-stairs. What was the use? +He was glad to go out and escape the chance of a fraternal struggle. +He went out into the cold night air all thrilling with excitement +and agitation. It was not wonderful that a scene so strange should +rouse many impatient thoughts in the young man's mind; but the most +intolerable of these had the most trifling origin. That Fred should have +smoked his pipe in Nettie's sitting-room, when she was out of the way, +was not, after all, considering Fred's character, a very wonderful +circumstance, but it exasperated his brother to a greater extent than +much more important matters. That aggravation entirely overpowered +Edward Rider's self-control. It seemed the culmination of all the wrong +and silent insolent injury inflicted upon Nettie. He saw the stain of +those ashes on the little mantel-shelf, the rolling cloud of smoke in +the room, and indignation burned yet higher and higher in his breast. + +When the current of his thoughts was suddenly checked and stimulated by +the sound of voices on the road. Voices, one of which was Nettie's, one +the lofty clerical accents of the Rev. Frank Wentworth. The two were +walking arm-in-arm in very confidential colloquy, as the startled and +jealous doctor imagined. What were these two figures doing together upon +the road? why did Nettie lean on the arm of that handsome young clerical +coxcomb? It did not occur to Dr Rider that the night was extremely dark, +and that Nettie had been at Miss Wodehouse's, where the curate of St +Roque's was a perpetual visitor. With a mortified and jealous pang, +totally unreasonable and totally irresistible, Edward Rider, only a moment +before so fantastically extreme in Nettie's defence--in the defence of +Nettie's very "image" from all vulgar contact and desecration--strode +past Nettie now without word or sign of recognition. She did not see +him, as he observed with a throbbing heart; she was talking to young Mr +Wentworth with all the haste and eagerness which Dr Rider had found so +captivating. She never suspected who it was that brushed past her with +breathless, exasperated impatience in the darkness. They went on past +him, talking, laughing lightly, under the veil of night, quite indifferent +as to who heard them, though the doctor did not think of that. He, +unreasonably affronted, galled, and mortified, turned his back upon that +house, which at this present disappointed moment did not contain one +single thing or person which he could dwell on with pleasure; and, a +hundred times more discontented, fatigued, and worn out--full of disgust +with things in general, and himself and his own fate in particular--than +he had been when he set out from the other end of Carlingford, went +sulkily, and at a terrific pace, past the long garden-walls of Grange +Lane, and all Dr Marjoribanks's genteel patients. When he had reached +home, he found a message waiting him from an urgent invalid whose "case" +kept the unhappy doctor up and busy for half the night. Such was the +manner in which Edward Rider got through the evening--the one wonderful +exceptional evening when Nettie went out to tea. + + + + +CHAPTER VII. + + +With the dawn of the morning, however, and the few hours' hurried +rest which Edward Rider was able to snatch after his labours, other +sentiments arose in his mind. It was quite necessary to see how the +unlucky child was at St Roque's Cottage, and perhaps what Nettie thought +of all that had occurred during her absence. The doctor bethought himself, +too, that there might be very natural explanations of the curate's +escort. How else, to be sure, could she have got home on a dark winter +night through that lonely road? Perhaps, if he himself had been less +impatient and ill-tempered, it might have fallen to his lot to supersede +Mr Wentworth. On the whole, Dr Rider decided that it was necessary to +make one of his earliest calls this morning at St Roque's. + +It was a foggy frosty day, brightened with a red sun, which threw wintry +ruddy rays across the mist. Dr Rider drew up somewhat nervously at the +little Gothic porch. He was taken up-stairs to the bedroom where little +Freddy lay moaning and feverish. A distant hum came from the other +children in the parlour, the door of which, however, was fast closed +this morning; and Nettie herself sat by the child's bedside--Nettie, all +alert and vigorous, in the little room, which, homely as its aspect was, +displayed even to the doctor's uninitiated glance a fastidious nicety of +arrangement which made it harmonious with that little figure. Nettie was +singing childish songs to solace the little invalid's retirement--the +"fox that jumped up on a moonlight night," the "frog that would a-wooing +go"--classic ditties of which the nursery never tires. The doctor, who +was not aware that music was one of Nettie's accomplishments, stopped on +the stairs to listen. And indeed she had not a great deal of voice, and +still less science, Nettie's life having been too entirely occupied to +leave much room for such studies. Yet somehow her song touched the +doctor's heart. He forgave her entirely that walk with the curate. He +went in softly, less impatient than usual with her crazy Quixotism. A +child--a sick child especially--was a bearable adjunct to the picture. A +woman could be forgiven for such necessary ministrations--actually, to +tell the truth, could be forgiven most follies she might happen to do, +when one could have her to one's self, without the intervention of such +dreary accessories as Susan and Fred. + +"Thank you very much for your care of this child last night, Dr Edward," +said the prompt Nettie, laying down the large piece of very plain +needlework in her hand. "I always said, though you don't make a fuss +about the children, that you were quite to be relied on if anything +should happen. He is feverish, but he is not ill; and so long as I tell +him stories and keep beside him, Freddy is the best child in the world." + +"More people than Freddy might be willing to be ill under such +conditions," said the doctor, complimentary, but rueful. He felt his +patient's pulse, and prescribed for him with a softened voice. He +lingered and looked round the room, which was very bare, yet somehow +was not like any of the rooms in _his_ house. How was it?--there were no +ornaments about, excepting that tiny little figure with the little head +overladen with such a wealth of beautiful hair. The doctor sighed. In +this little sacred spot, where she was so clearly at her post--or at +least at a post which no other was at hand to take--he could not even +resent Nettie's self-sacrifice. He gave in to her here, with a sigh. +"Since you think he is not ill to speak of, will you drive me and the +other children into Carlingford, Dr Edward?" said the courageous Nettie. +"It will be a pleasure for them, you know, and I shall be able to do my +business without losing so much time; besides, I want to talk to you; I +can see you will in your eyes. Go down, please, and talk to Mr Smith, +who has got a headache or something, and wants to see you. You need not +trouble yourself seeing Susan, who is cross, of course. I don't wonder +at her being cross; it must be very shocking, you know, to feel one's +self of no use, whatever happens. Thank you; I shall be ready in a +minute, as soon as you have done talking to Mr Smith." + +The doctor went down obediently, and in an unusual flutter of pleasure, +to see the master of the cottage--totally indifferent to the ailments +of the virtuous Smith, and thinking only of Nettie and that drive to +Carlingford, where, indeed, he should not have gone, had he considered +the merely abstract matters of business and duty, which led him entirely +in a different direction. He was somewhat rudely recalled to himself +when he went down-stairs. Smith had no headache, but only wanted +to speak to the doctor about his lodgers, whose "ways" were sadly +discomposing to himself and his wife. + +"You saw how it was yourself last night, sir," said the troubled +landlady. "Them hangings--you know the smoke goes through and through +them. After leaving all the windows open this frosty morning, and a +draught enough to give you your death, the place smells like I don't +know what. If it wasn't for Miss I wouldn't put up with it for a day; +and the gentleman's own room, doctor; if you was just to go in and see +it--just put your head in and say good morning--you'd believe me." + +"I know all about it," said the doctor; "but Miss Underwood, Mrs +Smith--?" + +"There's where it is, sir," said the landlady. "I can't find it in my +heart to say a word to Miss. To see how she do manage them all, to be +sure! but for all that, doctor, it stands to reason as one can't spoil +one's lodgings for a family as may be gone to-morrow--not except it's +considered in the rent. It's more natural-like to speak to a gentleman +like you as knows the world, than to a young lady as one hasn't a word +to say against--the handiest, liveliest, managingest! Ah, doctor, she'd +make a deal different a wife from her sister, that young lady would! +though it isn't my part to say nothink, considering all things, and that +you're relations, like; but Smith and me are both o' one mind about it, +Dr Rider--unless it's considered in the rent, or the gentleman drops +smoking, or----" + +"I hear Miss Underwood coming down-stairs," cried young Rider. "Next +time I come we'll arrange it all. But not a word to _her_, remember--not +a syllable; and go up-stairs and look after that poor child, there's a +good soul--she trusts you while she is gone, and so do I. There, there! +another time. I'll take the responsibility of satisfying you, Mrs Smith," +said the doctor, in a prodigious hurry, ready to promise anything in +this incautious moment, and bolting out of their little dark back-room, +which the local architect's mullions had converted into a kind of +condemned cell. Nettie stood at the door, all ready for her expedition +to Carlingford, with her two children, open-eyed and calmly inquisitive, +but no longer noisy. Mrs Fred was standing sulky at the parlour door. +The doctor took off his hat to her as he helped Nettie into the front +seat of the drag, but took care not to approach nearer. The children +were packed in behind, under charge of the little groom, and, with an +exhilarating sensation of lawlessness in the present pleasure, Dr Rider +turned his back upon his duty and the patient who expected him a mile on +the other side of St Roque's, and drove, not too rapidly, into +Carlingford. + +"Mrs Smith was talking to you of us," said Nettie, flashing her +penetrating eyes upon the confused doctor. "I know she was--I could see +it in her face this morning, and in yours when you came out of her room. +Dreadful little dungeon, is it not? I wonder what the man meant, to +build such a place. Do they want to turn us out, Dr Edward, or do they +want more rent? I am not surprised, I am sure, after last night. Was it +not odious of Fred to go and smoke in the parlour, the only place we can +have tidy? But it is no use speaking to him, you know; nor to Susan +either, for that matter. Married people do stand up for each other so +when you say a word, however they may fight between themselves. But is +it more rent they want, Dr Edward? for I can't afford more rent." + +"It is an abominable shame--you oughtn't to afford anything. It is too +dreadful to think of!" cried the angry doctor, involuntarily touching +his horse with his whip in the energy of the moment, though he was +indeed in no hurry to reach Carlingford. + +"Hush," said Nettie, lifting her tiny hand as though to put it to his +incautious mouth, which, indeed, the doctor would not have objected to. +"We shall quarrel on that subject if you say anything more, so it is +better to stop at once. Nobody has a right to interfere with me; this +is my business, and no one else has anything to do with it." + +"You mistake," cried the doctor, startled out of all his prudences; "it +ought to be my business quite as much as it is yours." + +Nettie looked at him with a certain careless scorn of the inferior +creature--"Ah, yes, I daresay; but then you are only a man," said +Nettie; and the girl elevated that pretty drooping head, and flashed a +whole torrent of brilliant reflections over the sombre figure beside +her. He felt himself glow under the sudden radiance of the look. To +fancy this wilful imperious creature a meek self-sacrificing heroine, +was equally absurd and impossible. Was there any virtue at all in that +dauntless enterprise of hers? or was it simple determination to have her +own way? + +"But not to quarrel," said Nettie; "for indeed you are the only person +in the world I can say a word to about the way things are going on," she +added with a certain momentary softening of voice and twinkling of her +eyelid, as if some moisture had gathered there. "I think Fred is in a +bad way. I think he is muddling his brains with that dreadful life he +leads. To think of a man that could do hundreds of things living like +that! A woman, you know, can only do a thing or two here and there. If +it were not wicked to say so, one would think almost that Providence +forgot sometimes, and put the wrong spirit into a body that did not +belong to it. Don't you think so? When I look at Fred I declare sometimes +I could take hold of him and give him a good shake, and ask him what he +means; and then it all seems so useless the very idea of expecting him +to feel anything. I want to know what you said to him last night." + +"Not much--not half so much as I meant to have said. To see him +polluting your room!" cried the doctor, with a flush growing on +his face, and breaking off abruptly, not quite able to conclude the +sentence. Nettie gave him a shy upward glance, and grew suddenly crimson +too. + +"Did you mind?" said Nettie, with a momentary timidity, against the +unexpected charm of which the unhappy doctor fell defenceless; then +holding out her tiny hand to him with shy frankness, "Thank you for +caring so much for me," said the dauntless little girl, resolute not to +perceive anything which could not be fully spoken out. + +"Caring _so_ much! I must speak to you; we can't go on like this, +Nettie," cried the doctor, holding fast the little unfaltering hand. + +"Oh, here is the place I am going to. Please don't; people might not +understand,--though we _are_ brother and sister in a kind of a way," +said the little Australian. "Please, Dr Edward, we must get out here." + +For a moment Edward Rider hesitated with a wild intention of urging his +horse forward and carrying her off anywhere, out of Carlingford, out of +duty and practice and responsibility, and all those galling restraints +of life which the noonday light and everyday sounds about brought in +with so entire a discord to break up this momentary hallucination. For +half a minute only the doctor lingered on the borders of that fairyland +where time and duty are not, but only one ineffable moment always +passing, never past. Then with a long sigh, the breath of which dispersed +a whole gleaming world of visionary delights, he got down doggedly on +the commonplace pavement. Ah, what a descent it was! the moment his foot +touched these vulgar flags, he was once more the hard-worked doctor at +everybody's command, with a fretful patient waiting for him a mile +beyond St Roque's; and all these dazzling moments, which had rapt the +unfortunate young fellow into another world, were so much time lost to +the prose figure that had to help Nettie down and let her go, and betake +himself soberly about his own business. Perhaps Nettie felt it a little +disenchanting too, when she was dropped upon the bare street, and went +into the common shop, and saw the doctor's drag flash off in the red +frosty sunshine with a darting movement of exasperation and impatience +on the part of its aggravated driver. For once in her life Nettie felt +disposed to be impatient with the children, who, unceremoniously ejected +from their perch behind, were not in the most obedient frame of mind. +The two young people possibly agreed in their mutual sentiment of disgust +with other people's society just at that moment. However, there was no +help for it. Dr Rider galloped his horse to his patient's door, and took +it out of that unlucky individual, who was fortunately strong enough to +be able to bear sharp practice. Nettie, when she had made her little +purchases, walked home smartly to sing "The fox jumped up on a moonlight +night" to little Freddy in his bedroom. This kind of interlude, however, +as all young men and maidens ought to be aware, answers much better in +the evening, when a natural interval of dreams interposes between it and +the common work of existence. Nettie decided, thinking on it, that this +would never do. She made up her mind not to have any more drives with +the doctor. There was no telling what such proceedings might lead to. +They were distinctly incompatible with the more serious business of her +life. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII. + + +Such a parting, however, is sadly apt to lead to future meetings. +Notwithstanding his smouldering quarrel with Fred, which was always +ready to burst out afresh, Dr Rider would not give up coming to St +Roque's. He came to some clandestine arrangement with Mrs Smith, of +which nobody ever was aware, and which he himself was rather ashamed of +than otherwise; and he attended Freddy with the most dutiful exactness +till the child was quite restored. But all this time Nettie put on a +coat of armour, and looked so thoroughly unlike herself in her unusual +reserve and propriety, that the doctor was heartily discouraged, and +could go no further. Besides, it would not be positively correct to +assert that--though he would gladly have carried her off in the drag +anywhere, to the end of the world, in the enchantment of the moment--he +was just as ready to propose setting up a new household, with Fred and +his family hanging on to it as natural dependants. That was a step the +doctor was not prepared for. Some people are compelled to take the prose +concerns of life into full consideration even when they are in love, and +Edward Rider was one of these unfortunate individuals. The boldness +which puts everything to the touch to gain or lose was not in this young +man. He had been put to hard encounters enough in his day, and had +learned to trust little to chance or good fortune. He did not possess +the boldness which disarms an adverse fate, nor that confidence in his +own powers which smooths down wounded pride, and accounts even for +failure. He was, perhaps it is only right to say, not very capable of +heroism: but he was capable of seeing the lack of the heroic in his +own composition, and of feeling bitterly his own self-reproaches, and +the remarks of the world, which is always so ready to taunt the very +cowardice it creates. After that moment in which he could have dared +anything for her and with her, it is sad to be obliged to admit that +perhaps Dr Edward too, like Nettie, withdrew a little from that climax +of feeling. Not that his heart grew colder or his sentiments changed; +but only that, in sight of the inevitable result, the poor young fellow +paused and pondered, obeying the necessity of his nature. People who +jump at conclusions, if they have to bear the consequences of folly +often enough, are at least spared those preliminary heartaches. Dr +Rider, eager as love and youth could make him, was yet incapable of +shutting his eyes to the precipice at his feet. That he despised himself +for doing so, did not make the matter easier. These were the limits of +his nature, and beyond them he could not pass. + +Accordingly matters went on in this dangerous fashion for many weeks +longer. The fire smouldered, strengthening its pent-up flames. Day by +day malicious sprites of thought went out behind Dr Rider in his drag, +leading him into the wildest calculations, the most painful complication +of schemes. If Fred and his family could only be persuaded to return to +Australia, his brother thought--if any bribe within Edward's means could +tempt the ruined man to such a step; and when he was there, why there +was Providence to take care of the helpless unlovely household, and +necessity might compel the wretched father to work for his children. +Such were the vain projects that revolved and fermented through the +doctor's agitated brain as he went among his patients. Luckily he +had a very favourable and well-disposed lot of sick people at that +crisis--they all got well in spite of the doctor, and gave their own +special cases and his anxiety all the credit for his grave looks; and +all these half-finished streets and rough new roads in the east end of +Carlingford were sown thick with the bootless suggestions of Dr Rider's +love and fears. The crop did not show upon the vulgar soil, but gave +lurking associations to every half-built street corner which he passed +in his rounds many a day after, and served at this present momentous era +to confuse doubly the chaos of his thoughts. + +At last one night the crisis came. Spring had begun to show faintly in +the lengthening days--spring, that so often belies itself, and comes +with a serpent's tooth. Dr Rider on that particular day had met Dr +Marjoribanks at some meeting convened in the interests of Carlingford. +The old physician had been very gracious and cordial to the young +one--had spoken of his own declining health, of his possible retirement, +of the excellent prospects which a rising young man in their profession +had in Carlingford; and, finally, had asked Dr Rider to go with him next +day to see an interesting patient, and advise as to the treatment of the +case. + +The young doctor was more pleased than he could or would have told any +one; and, with a natural impulse, seized the earliest moment to direct +his steps towards St Roque's. + +It was twilight when Dr Edward went down the long and rather tiresome +line of Grange Lane. These garden-walls, so delicious in their bowery +retirements within, were not interesting outside to the pedestrian. But +the doctor's attention was so speedily riveted on two figures eagerly +talking near Mr Wodehouse's garden-door, that the long sweep of wall +seemed but a single step to him as he hurried along. Those two figures +were unquestionably Nettie for one, and Mr Wentworth for another. +Handsome young coxcomb, with all his Puseyitical pretences! Was Lucy +Wodehouse not enough for him, that he must have Nettie too? Dr Rider +hurried forward to interrupt that meeting. He was actually turning with +her, walking slowly back again the very way he had just come! Edward's +blood boiled in his impatient veins. He swept along in a whirlwind of +sudden wrath. When he came up to them Nettie was talking low, and the +curate's lofty head was bent to hear her in a manner which, it is +probable, Lucy Wodehouse would no more have admired than Edward Rider. +They came to a sudden pause when he joined them, in that particular +conversation. The doctor's dread civility did not improve matters. Without +asking himself what cause he had, this amiable young man plunged into +the wildest jealousy without pause or interval. He bestowed upon Nettie +the most cutting looks, the most overwhelming politeness. When the three +had marched solemnly abreast down the road for some few minutes, the +curate, perhaps with an intuition of fellow-feeling, perceiving how the +matter was, stopped short and said good-bye. "I will make inquiries, and +let you know next time I pass the cottage," said Mr Wentworth; and he +and the doctor took off their hats, not without deadly thoughts on one +side at least. When the young clergyman left them, Nettie and her sulky +cavalier went on in silence. That intrepid little woman was not in her +usual spirits, it appeared. She had no talk for Dr Edward any more than +he had for her. She carried a multiplicity of little parcels in her +hands, and walked with a certain air of fatigue. The doctor walked on, +stealing silent looks at her, till his heart melted. But the melting of +his heart displayed itself characteristically. He would not come down +from his elevation without suffering her to see how angry he was. + +"I fear I interrupted an interesting conversation--I that have so little +hope of equalling Mr Wentworth. Priests are always infallible with women," +said the doctor, betraying his ill-temper in vulgar sneers. + +"I was asking him for some one to teach the boys," said Nettie. "Johnnie +ought to have his education attended to now. Mr Wentworth is very +good-tempered, Dr Edward. Though he was just going to knock at Miss +Wodehouse's door when I met him, he offered, and would have done it if +you had not come up, to walk home with me. Not that I wanted anybody to +walk home with me; but it was very kind," said Nettie, with rising +spirit. + +"I am afraid I am a very poor substitute for Mr Wentworth," said the +jealous doctor, "and I don't pretend to be kind. But I am surprised to +find Miss Underwood walking so late. This is not a road for a lady by +herself." + +"You know I don't mind in the least for the road," said Nettie, with a +little indignation. "How wonderfully cross you are sometimes! If you are +going as far as the Cottage," she added, with a little sigh of fatigue, +"will you please carry some of these things for me! I could not get out +sooner, I have been so busy to-day. It is wonderful how much needlework +it takes to keep three children going, and how many little jobs there +are to do. If you take this parcel, carry it carefully, please: it is +something for my bonnet. There! Don't be absurd. I am quite able to walk +by myself, thank you--I'd rather, please!" + +This remonstrance was called forth by the fact that the relenting +doctor, much moved by having the parcels confided to his care, had drawn +the little hand which gave them within his arm, a proceeding which +Nettie distinctly disapproved of. She withdrew her hand quickly, and +walked on with much dignity by his side. + +"I can carry your parcels," said Edward, after a little pause, "but you +will not let me help yourself. You take the heaviest burdens upon your +shoulders, and then will have no assistance in bearing them. How long +are these children of Fred's--detestable little imps!--to work you to +death?" + +"You are speaking of _my_ children, sir!" cried Nettie, with a little +blaze of resentment. "But you don't mean it, Dr Edward," she said, a +moment after, in a slightly coaxing tone. "You are tired and cross after +your day's work. Perhaps it will be best, if you are very cross, not to +come down all the way to the Cottage, thank you. I don't want you to +quarrel with Fred." + +"Cross! Nettie, you are enough to drive twenty men distracted!" cried +the poor doctor. "You know as well as I do what I have been dying to +say to you these three months past; and to see you go on with these +confounded children without so much as a glance for a fellow who----" + +"Don't speak like that," cried Nettie, with brilliant female instinct; +"you'll be sorry for it after; for you know, Dr Edward, you have _not_ +said anything particular to me these three months past." + +This touch gave the last exasperation to the agitated mind of the +doctor. He burst forth into a passionate outbreak of love and anger, +curiously mingled, but too warm and real to leave Nettie much coolness +of observation under the circumstances. She took the advantage over +him which a woman naturally does in such a case. She went on softly, +trembling sufficiently to her own consciousness, but not to his, +suffering him to pour out that torrent without interruption. She made +no answer till the whole agitated self-disclosure was complete. In the +interval she got a little command of herself, and was able to speak when +it came to her turn. + +"Dr Edward," said Nettie, solemnly, "you know it is impossible. If we +cared for each other ever so much, what could we do? I am not free +to--to make any change; and I know very well, and so do you, that you +never could put up with Fred and Susan and the children, were things as +you say ten times over. I don't mean I don't believe you. I don't mean I +might not have been pleased had things been different. But you know it +is just plainly impossible. You know your own temper and your own +spirit--and perhaps you know mine as well. No, no--we cannot manage it +anyhow, Dr Edward," said Nettie, with a little sigh. + +"Is this all you have to say to me?" cried the astonished lover. + +"I am sure I do not know what else to say," said Nettie, with +matter-of-fact distinctness. "I don't need to enter into all the +business again, and tell you how things stand; you know as well as I +do. One may be sorry, but one must do what one has to do all the same." + +A painful pause followed. Nettie, with all her feminine acuteness, could +not divine that this calm way of treating a business which had wrought +her companion into such a pitch of passion, was the most humiliating +and mortifying possible to a man in whose bosom love and pride were so +combined. He tried to speak more than once, but could not. Nettie said +nothing more--she was uneasy, but secure in the necessity of her own +position. What else could she do or say? + +"Then, I presume, this is my answer," said the doctor, at last, gulping +an amount of shame and anger which Nettie could not conceive of, and +which the darkness concealed from her sight. + +"Oh, Dr Edward, what can I say?" cried the girl; "you know it all as +well as I do. I cannot change it with a word. I am very, very sorry," +said Nettie, faltering and startled, waking to a sudden perception of +the case all at once, by reason of catching a sudden gleam of his eyes. +They came to a dead stop opposite each other, she half frightened and +confused, he desperate with love and rage and mortification. By this +time they had almost reached the cottage door. + +"Don't take the trouble to be sorry. I'll--oh, I'll get over it!" cried +the doctor, with a sneer at himself and his passion, which came out of +the bitterness of his heart. Then, after a pause--"Nettie!" cried the +young man--"Nettie! do you see what you are doing?--do you choose Fred +and those wretched imps instead of your own life and mine? You are not +so indifferent as you think you are. We shall never get over it, neither +you nor me. Nettie, once for all, is this all you have to say?" + +"If I were to say all the words in the language," said Nettie, after a +pause, with a breathless indistinctness and haste, "words will not change +_things_ if we should break our hearts." + +The open door, with the light shining out from it, shone upon them at +that moment, and Mrs Smith waiting to let the young lady in. Neither of +the two dared face that sudden gleam. The doctor laid down his parcels +on the step, muttered something, which she could not distinguish, into +Nettie's agitated ear, and vanished back again into the darkness. Only +now was Nettie awaking to the sense of what had happened, and its real +importance. Perhaps another minute, another word, might have made a +difference--that other word and minute that are always wanting. She +gazed out after him blankly, scarcely able to persuade herself that +it was all over, and then went in with a kind of stupefied, stunned +sensation, not to be described. Edward Rider heard the door shut in the +calm silence, and swore fierce oaths in his heart over her composure and +cold-heartedness. As usual, it was the woman who had to face the light +and observation, and to veil her trouble. The man rushed back into the +darkness, smarting with wounds which fell as severely upon his pride as +upon his heart. Nettie went in, suddenly conscious that the world was +changed, and that she had entered upon another life. + + + + +CHAPTER IX. + + +Another life and a changed world! What small matters sometimes bring +about that sudden disenchantment! Two or three words exchanged without +much thought--one figure disappearing out of the landscape--and, lo! all +the prismatic colours have faded from the horizon, and blank daylight +glares upon startled eyes! Nettie had not, up to this time, entertained +a suspicion of how distinct a place the doctor held in her limited +firmament--she was totally unaware how much exhilaration and support +there was in his troubled, exasperated, impatient admiration. Now, all +at once, she found it out. It was the same life, yet it was different. +Her occupations were unchanged, her surroundings just what they used to +be. She had still to tolerate Fred, to manage Susan, to superintend with +steady economy all the expenditure of the strange little household. +The very rooms and aspect of everything was the same; yet had she been +suddenly transported back again to the Antipodes, life could not have +been more completely changed to Nettie. She recognised it at once with +some surprise, but without any struggle. The fact was too clearly apparent +to leave her in any doubt. Nobody but herself had the slightest insight +into the great event which had happened--nobody could know of it, or +offer Nettie any sympathy in that unforeseen personal trial. In her +youth and buoyant freshness, half contemptuous of the outside troubles +which were no match for her indomitable heart, Nettie had been fighting +against hard external circumstances for a great part of her valorous +little life, and had not hesitated to take upon herself the heaviest +burdens of outside existence. Such struggles are not hard when one's +heart is light and sound. With a certain splendid youthful scorn of all +these labours and drudgeries, Nettie had gone on her triumphant way, +wearing her bonds as if they were ornaments. Suddenly, without any +premonition, the heart had died out of her existence. A personal blow, +striking with subtle force into that unseen centre of courage and hope, +had suddenly disabled Nettie. She said not a word on the subject to any +living creature--if she shed any tears over it, they were dropped in +the darkness, and left no witness behind; but she silently recognised +and understood what had happened to her. It was not that she had lost +her lover--it was not that the romance of youth had glimmered and +disappeared from before her eyes. It was not that she had ever entered, +even in thought, as Edward Rider had done, into that life, glorified out +of common existence, which the two could have lived together. Such was +not the form which this extraordinary loss took to Nettie. It was her +personal happiness, wonderful wine of life, which had suddenly failed to +the brave little girl. Ah, the difference it made! Labours, disgusts, +endurances of all kinds: what cannot one undertake so long as one has +that cordial at one's heart? When the endurance and the labour remain, +and the cordial is gone, it is a changed world into which the surprised +soul enters. This was what had happened to Nettie. Nobody suspected the +sudden change which had passed upon everything. The only individual in +the world who could have divined it, had persuaded himself in a flush of +anger and mortification that she did not care. He consoled himself by +elaborate avoidance of that road which led past St Roque's--by bows of +elaborate politeness when he encountered her anywhere in the streets of +Carlingford--by taking a sudden plunge into such society as was open +to him in the town, and devoting himself to Miss Marjoribanks, the old +physician's daughter. Nettie was not moved by these demonstrations, +which showed her sway still undiminished over the doctor's angry and +jealous heart. She did not regard the petulant shows of pretended +indifference by which a more experienced young woman might have consoled +herself. She had enough to do, now that the unsuspected stimulus of her +life was withdrawn for the moment, to go on steadily without making any +outward show of it. She had come to the first real trial of her strength +and worthiness. And Nettie did not know what a piece of heroism she was +enacting, nor that the hardest lesson of youthful life--how to go on +stoutly without the happiness which that absolute essence of existence +demands and will not be refused--was being taught her now. She only knew +it was dull work just for the moment--a tedious sort of routine, which +one was glad to think could not last for ever; and so went on, the +steadfast little soul, no one being any the wiser, upon that +suddenly-clouded, laborious way. + +It is sad to be obliged to confess that Dr Rider's conduct was nothing +like so heroical. He, injured and indignant and angry, thought first of +all of revenging himself upon Nettie--of proving to her that he would +get over it, and that there were women in the world more reasonable +than herself. Dr Marjoribanks, who had already made those advances to +the doctor which that poor young fellow had gone to carry the news of, +not without elation of heart, on that memorable night, to St Roque's, +asked Edward to dinner a few days after; and Miss Marjoribanks made +herself very agreeable, with just that degree of delicate regard and +evident pleasure in his society which is so soothing when one has met +with a recent discomfiture. Miss Marjoribanks, it is true, was over +thirty, and by no means a Titania. Edward Rider, who had retired from +the field in Bessie Christian's case, and whom Nettie had rejected, +asked himself savagely why he should not make an advantageous marriage +now, when the chance offered. Old Marjoribanks's practice and savings, +with a not unagreeable, rather clever, middle-aged wife--why should +he not take it into consideration? The young doctor thought of that +possibility with a certain thrill of cruel pleasure. He said to himself +that he would make his fortune, and be revenged on Nettie. Whenever +there was a chance of Nettie hearing of it, he paid the most devoted +attentions to Miss Marjoribanks. Ready gossips took it up and made the +matter public. Everybody agreed it would be an admirable arrangement. +"The most sensible thing I've heard of for years--step into the old +fellow's practice, and set himself up for life--eh, don't you think +so?--that's my opinion," said Mr Wodehouse. Mr Wodehouse's daughters +talked over the matter, and settled exactly between themselves what was +Miss Marjoribanks's age, and how much older she was than her supposed +suitor--a question always interesting to the female mind. And it was +natural that in these circumstances Nettie should come to hear of it +all in its full details, with the various comments naturally suggesting +themselves thereupon. What Nettie's opinion was, however, nobody could +ever gather; perhaps she thought Dr Edward was justified in putting an +immediate barrier between himself and her. At all events, she was +perfectly clear upon the point that it could not have been otherwise, +and that no other decision was possible to herself. + +The spring lagged on, accordingly, under these circumstances. Those +commonplace unalterable days, varied in nothing but the natural +fluctuations of making and mending,--those evenings with Fred sulky by +the fire--always sulky, because deprived by Nettie's presence of his +usual indulgences; or if not so, then enjoying himself after his dismal +fashion in his own room, with most likely Susan bearing him company, and +the little maiden head of the house left all by herself in the solitary +parlour,--passed on one by one, each more tedious than the other. It +seemed impossible that such heavy hours could last, and prolong themselves +into infinitude, as they did; but still one succeeded another in endless +hard procession. And Nettie shed back her silky load of hair, and pressed +her tiny fingers on her eyes, and went on again, always dauntless. She +said to herself, with homely philosophy, that this could not last very +long; not with any tragical meaning, but with a recognition of the +ordinary laws of nature which young ladies under the pressure of a first +disappointment are not apt to recur to. She tried, indeed, to calculate +in herself, with forlorn heroism, how long it might be expected to last, +and, though she could not fix the period, endeavoured to content herself +with the thought that things must eventually fall into their natural +condition. In the mean time it was slow and tedious work enough--but +they did pass one after another, these inevitable days. + +One night Nettie was sitting by herself in the parlour busy over her +needlework. Fred and his wife, she thought, were up-stairs. They had +left her early in the evening,--Susan to lie down, being tired--Fred to +his ordinary amusements. It was a matter of course, and cost Nettie no +special thought. After the children went to bed, she sat all by herself, +with her thread and scissors on the table, working on steadily and quietly +at the little garment she was making. Her needle flew swift and nimbly; +the sleeve of her dress rustled as she moved her arm; her soft breath went +and came: but for that regular monotonous movement, and those faint steady +sounds of life, it might have been a picture of domestic tranquillity and +quiet, and not a living woman with aches in her heart. It did not matter +what she was thinking. She was facing life and fortune--indomitable, +not to be discouraged. In the silence of the house she sat late over +her needlework, anxious to have some special task finished. She heard +the mistress of the cottage locking up, but took no notice of that +performance, and went on at her work, forgetting time. It got to be +very silent in the house and without; not a sound in the rooms where +everybody was asleep; not a sound outside, except an occasional rustle +of the night wind through the bare willow-branches--deep night and not +a creature awake but herself, sitting in the heart of that intense and +throbbing silence. Somehow there was a kind of pleasure to Nettie in the +isolation which was so impossible to her at other hours. She sat rapt in +that laborious quiet as if her busy fingers were under some spell. + +When suddenly she heard a startled motion up-stairs, as if some one +had got up hastily; then a rustling about the room overhead, which was +Susan's room. After a while, during which Nettie, restored by the sound +to all her growing cares, rose instantly to consideration of the question, +What had happened now? the door above was stealthily opened, and a +footstep came softly down the stair. Nettie put down her work and +listened breathlessly. Presently Susan's head peeped in at the parlour +door. After all, then, it was only some restlessness of Susan's. Nettie +took up her work, impatient, perhaps almost disappointed, with the dead +calm in which nothing ever happened. Susan came in stealthy, pale, +trembling with cold and fright. She came forward to the table in her +white night-dress like a faded ghost. "Fred has never come in," said +Susan, in a shivering whisper; "is it very late? He promised he would +only be gone an hour. Where _can_ he have gone? Nettie, Nettie, don't +sit so quiet and stare at me. I fell asleep, or I should have found it +out sooner; all the house is locked up, and he has never come in." + +"If he comes we can unlock the house," said Nettie. "When did he go out, +and why didn't you tell me? Of course I should have let Mrs Smith know, +not to frighten her; but I told Fred pretty plainly last time that we +could not do with such hours. It will make him ill if he does not mind. +Go to bed, and I'll let him in." + +"Go to bed! it is very easy for you to say so; don't you know it's the +middle of the night, and as dark as pitch, and my husband out all by +himself?" cried Susan. "Oh, Fred, Fred! after all the promises you made, +to use me like this again! Do you think I can go up-stairs and lie +shivering in the dark, and imagining all sorts of dreadful things +happening to him? I shall stay here with you till he comes in." + +Nettie entered into no controversy. She got up quietly and fetched a +shawl and put it round her shivering sister; then sat down again and +took up her needlework. But Susan's excited nerves could not bear the +sight of that occupation. The rustle of Nettie's softly-moving hand +distracted her. "It sounds always like Fred's step on the way," said the +fretful anxious woman. "Oh, Nettie, Nettie! do open the end window and +look out; perhaps he is looking for the light in the windows to guide +him straight! It is so dark! Open the shutters, Nettie, and, oh, do look +out and see! Where do you suppose he can have gone to? I feel such a +pang at my heart, I believe I shall die." + +"Oh, no, you will not die," said Nettie. "Take a book and read, or do +something. We know what is about the worst that will happen to Fred. He +will come home _like that_ you know, as he did before. We can't mend it, +but we need not break our hearts over it. Lie down on the sofa, and put +up your feet and wrap the shawl round you if you won't go to bed. I can +fancy all very well how it will be. It is nothing new, Susan, that you +should break your heart." + +"It's you that have no feeling. Oh, Nettie, how hard you are! I don't +believe you know what it is to love anybody," said Susan. "Hark! is that +some one coming now?" + +They thought some one was coming fifty times in the course of that +dreadful lingering night. Nobody came; the silence closed in deeper +and deeper around the two silent women. All the world--everything round +about them, to the veriest atom--seemed asleep. The cricket had stopped +his chirrup in the kitchen, and no mouse stirred in the slumbering +house. By times Susan dozed on the sofa, shivering, notwithstanding her +shawl, and Nettie took up her needlework for the moment to distract +her thoughts. When Susan started from these snatches of slumber, she +importuned her sister with ceaseless questions and entreaties. Where had +he gone?--where did Nettie imagine he could have gone?--and oh! would +she go to the window and look out to see if any one was coming, or put +the candle to the window to guide him, if perhaps he might have lost the +way? At last the terrible pale dawn came in and took the light out of +Nettie's candle. The two looked at each other, and acknowledged with a +mutual start that the night was over. They had watched these long hours +through with sentiments very different; now a certain thrill of sympathy +drew Nettie nearer to her sister. It was daylight again, remorseless +and uncompromising, and where was Fred, who loved the darkness? He had +little money and less credit in the limited place where himself and his +story were known. What could have become of him? Nettie acknowledged +that there was ground for anxiety. She folded up her work and put out +her candle, and promptly took into consideration what she could do. + +"If you will go to bed, Susan, I shall go out and look for him," said +Nettie. "He might have stumbled in the field and fallen asleep. Men have +done such things before now, and been none the worse for it. If you will +go and lie down, I'll see after it, Susan. Now it's daylight, you know, +no great harm can happen to him. Come and lie down, and leave me to look +for Fred." + +"But you don't know where to go, and he won't like to have you going +after him. Nettie, send to Edward," said Susan; "he ought to come and +look after his brother: he ought to have done it all through, and not to +have left us to manage everything; and he hasn't even been to see us for +ever so long. But send to Edward, Nettie--it's his business. For Fred +won't like to have you going after him, and you don't know where to go." + +"Fred must have me going after him whether he likes it or no," said +Nettie, sharply, "and I shall not send to Dr Edward. You choose to +insult him whenever you can, and then you think it is his business to +look after his brother. Go to bed, and leave it to me. I can't leave you +shivering here, to catch something, and be ill, and laid up for weeks. I +want to get my bonnet on, and to see you in bed. Make haste, and come +up-stairs with me." + +Susan obeyed with some mutterings of inarticulate discontent. The +daylight, after the first shock of finding that the night was really +over, brought some comfort to her foolish heart. She thought that as +Nettie said "no more harm" could come to him, he must be sleeping +somewhere, the foolish fellow. She thought most likely Nettie was right, +and that she had best go to bed to consume the weary time till there +could be something heard of him; and Nettie, of course, would find it +all out. + +Such was the arrangement accordingly. Susan covered herself up warm, and +lay thinking all she should say to him when he came home, and how she +certainly never would again let him go out and keep it secret from +Nettie. Nettie, for her part, bathed her hot eyes, put on her bonnet, +and went out, quietly undoing all the bolts and bars, into the chill +morning world, where nobody was yet awake. She was a little uncertain +which way to turn, but noway uncertain of her business. Whether he had +gone into the town, or towards the low quarter by the banks of the +canal, she felt it difficult to conclude. But remembering her own +suggestion that he might have stumbled in the field, and fallen asleep +there, she took her way across the misty grass. It was still spring, and +a little hoar-frost crisped the wintry sod. Everything lay forlorn and +chill under the leaden morning skies--not even an early market-cart +disturbed the echoes. When the cock crew somewhere, it startled Nettie. +She went like a spectre across the misty fields, looking down into the +ditches and all the inequalities of the way. On the other side lay the +canal, not visible, except by the line of road that wound beside it, +from the dead flat around. She bent her steps in that direction, +thinking of a certain mean little tavern which, somehow, when she saw +it, she had associated with Fred--a place where the men at the door +looked slovenly and heated, like Fred himself, and lounged with their +hands in their pockets at noon of working-days. Some instinct guided +Nettie there. + +But she had no need to go so far. Before she reached that place +the first sounds of life that she had yet heard attracted Nettie's +attention. They came from a boat which lay in the canal, in which the +bargemen seemed preparing to start on their day's journey. Some men were +leisurely leading forward the horses to the towing-path, while two in +the boat were preparing for their start inside. All at once a strange +cry rang into the still, chill air--such a cry as startles all who can +hear it. The men with the horses hurried forward to the edge of the +canal, the bargemen hung over the side of their boat; visible excitement +rose among them about something there. Nettie, never afraid, was less +timid than ever this morning. Without thinking of the risk of trusting +herself with these rude fellows alone, she went straight forward into +the midst of them with a curiosity for which she could scarcely account; +not anxiety, only a certain wonder and impatience, possessed her to see +what they had here. + +What had they there?--not a man--a dreadful drowned image, all soiled +and swollen--a squalid tragic form, immovable, never to move more. Nettie +did not need to look at the dread, uncovered, upturned face. The moment +she saw the vague shape of it rising against the side of the boat, a +heap of dead limbs, recognisable only as something human, the terrible +truth flashed upon Nettie. She had found not him, but It. She saw nothing +more for one awful moment--heaven and earth reeling and circling around +her, and a horror of darkness on her eyes. Then the cold light opened up +again--the group of living creatures against the colourless skies, the +dead creature staring and ghastly, with awful dead eyes gazing blank +into the shuddering day. The girl steadied herself as she could on the +brink of the sluggish current, and collected her thoughts. The conclusion +to her search, and answer to all her questions, lay, not to be doubted +or questioned, before her. She dared not yield to her own horror, or +grief, or dismay. Susan sleeping, unsuspicious, in full trust of his +return--the slumbering house into which this dreadful figure must be +carried--obliterated all personal impressions from Nettie's mind. She +explained to the amazed group who and what the dead man was--where he +must be brought to--instantly, silently, before the world was awake. She +watched them lay the heavy form upon a board, and took off her own shawl +to lay over it, to conceal it from the face of day. Then she went on +before them, with her tiny figure in its girlish dress, like a child in +the shadow of the rough but pitying group that followed. Nettie did not +know why the wind went so chill to her heart after she had taken off her +shawl. She did not see the unequal sod under her feet as she went back +upon that dread and solemn road. Nothing in the world but what she had +to do occupied the throbbing heroic heart. There was nobody else to do +it. How could the girl help but execute the work put into her hand? +Thinking neither of the hardship nor the horror of such dread work +falling to her lot, but only this, that she must do it, Nettie took home +to the unconscious sleeping cottage that thing which was Fred Rider; no +heavier on his bearers' hands to-day than he had been already for years +of his wasted life. + + + + +CHAPTER X. + + +When Nettie opened the door of the sleeping house with the great key she +had carried with her in her early dreadful expedition, there was still +nobody stirring in the unconscious cottage. She paused at the door, with +the four men behind her carrying shoulder-high that terrible motionless +burden. Where was she to lay it? In her own room, where she had not slept +that night, little Freddy was still sleeping. In another was the widow, +overcome by watching and fretful anxiety. The other fatherless creatures +lay in the little dressing-room. Nowhere but in the parlour, from which +Fred not so very long ago had driven his disgusted brother--the only +place she had where Nettie's own feminine niceties could find expression, +and where the accessories of her own daily life and work were all +accumulated. She lingered even at that dread moment with a pang of +natural reluctance to associate that little sanctuary with the horror +and misery of this bringing-home; but when every feeling gave way to the +pressure of necessity, that superficial one was not like to resist it. +Her companions were not aware that she had hesitated even for that +moment. She seemed to them to glide softly, steadfastly, without any +faltering, before them into the little silent womanly room, where her +night's work was folded tidily upon the table, and her tiny thimble and +scissors laid beside it. What a heart-rending contrast lay between those +domestic traces and that dreadful muffled figure, covered from the light +of day with Nettie's shawl, which was now laid down there, Nettie did +not pause to think of. She stood still for a moment, gazing at it with +a sob of excitement and agitation swelling into her throat; scarcely +grief--perhaps that was not possible--but the intensest remorseful +pity over the lost life. The rude fellows beside her stood silent, not +without a certain pang of tenderness and sympathy in their half-savage +hearts. She took her little purse out and emptied it of its few silver +coins among them. They trod softly, but their heavy footsteps were +heard, notwithstanding, through all the little house. Nettie could +already hear the alarmed stirring up-stairs of the master and mistress +of the cottage; and, knowing what explanations she must give, and +all the dreadful business before her, made haste to get her strange +companions away before Mrs Smith came down-stairs. One of them, however, +as he followed his comrades out of the room, from some confused instinct +of help and pity, asked whether he should not fetch a doctor? The question +struck the resolute little girl with a pang sharper than this morning's +horror had yet given her. Had she perhaps neglected the first duty of +all, the possibility of restoration? She went back, without answering +him, to lift the shawl from that dreadful face, and satisfy herself +whether she had done, that last irremediable wrong to Fred. As she met +the dreadful stare of those dead eyes, all the revulsion of feeling +which comes to the hearts of the living in presence of the dead +overpowered Nettie. She gave a little cry of inarticulate momentary +anguish. The soul of that confused and tremulous outcry was Pardon! +pardon! What love was ever so true, what tenderness so constant and +unfailing, that did not instinctively utter that cry when the watched +life had ended, and pardon could no longer come from those sealed lips? +Nettie had not loved that shamed and ruined man--she had done him the +offices of affection, and endured and sometimes scorned him. She stood +remorseful by his side in that first dread hour, which had changed +Fred's shabby presence into something awful; and her generous soul +burst forth in that cry of penitence which every human creature owes +its brother. The tender-hearted bargeman who had asked leave to +fetch a doctor, drew near her with a kindred instinct--"Don't take on, +miss--there's the crowner yet--and a deal to look to," said the kind +rough fellow, who knew Nettie. The words recalled her to herself--but +with the softened feelings of the moment a certain longing for somebody +to stand by her in this unlooked-for extremity came over the forlorn +courageous creature, who never yet, amid all her labours, had encountered +an emergency like this. She laid the shawl reverently back over that +dead face, and sent a message to the doctor with lips that trembled in +spite of herself. "Tell him what has happened, and say he is to come as +soon as he can," said Nettie; "for I do not understand all that has to +be done. Tell him I sent you; and now go--please go before they all come +down-stairs." + +But when Nettie turned in again, after closing the door, into that house +so entirely changed in character by the solemn inmate who had entered +it, she was confronted by the amazed and troubled apparition of Mrs +Smith, half-dressed, and full of wonder and indignation. A gasping +exclamation of "Miss!" was all that good woman could utter. She had with +her own eyes perceived some of the "roughs" of Carlingford emerging from +her respectable door under Nettie's grave supervision, and yet could not +in her heart, notwithstanding appearances, think any harm of Nettie; +while, at the same time, a hundred alarms for the safety of her household +gods shook her soul. Nettie turned towards her steadily, with her face +pallid and her brilliant eyes heavy. "Hush," she said; "Susan knows +nothing yet. Let her have her rest while she can. We have been watching +for him all night, and poor Susan is sleeping, and does not know." + +"Know what?--what has happened?--he's been and killed himself? Oh, miss, +don't you go for to say so!" cried Mrs Smith, in natural dismay and +terror. + +"No," cried Nettie, with a long sigh that relieved her breast, "not so +bad as that, thank Heaven; but hush, hush! I cannot go and tell Susan +just yet--not just yet. Oh, give me a moment to get breath! For he is +dead! I tell you, _hush_!" cried Nettie, seizing the woman's hand, and +wringing it, in the extremity of her terror for alarming Susan. "Don't +you understand me? She is a widow, and she does not know--her husband +is dead, and she does not know. Have you no pity for her in your own +heart?" + +"Lord ha' mercy! but wait till I call Smith," cried the alarmed +landlady, shrinking, yet eager to know the horribly interesting details +of that tragedy. She ran breathless up-stairs on that errand, while +Nettie went back to the door of the parlour, resolutely locked it, and +took away the key. "Nobody shall go gazing and talking over him, and +making a wonder of poor Fred," said Nettie to herself, shaking off from +her long eyelashes the tear which came out of the compunction of her +heart. "Poor Fred!" She sat down on one of the chairs of the little hall +beside that closed door. The children and their mother up-stairs still +slept unsuspicious; and their young guardian, with a world of thoughts +rising in her mind, sat still and pondered. The past was suddenly cut +off from the future by this dreadful unthought-of event. She had come to +a dead pause in that life, which to every spectator was so strangely out +of accordance with her youth, but which was to herself such simple and +plain necessity as to permit no questioning. She was brought suddenly +to a standstill at this terrible moment, and sat turning her dauntless +little face to the new trial before her, pale, but undismayed. Nettie +did not deceive herself even in her thoughts. She saw, with the intuitive +foresight of a keen observer, her sister's violent momentary grief, her +indolent acceptance of the position after a while, the selfish reserve +of repining and discontent which Susan would establish in the memory of +poor Fred: she saw how, with fuller certainty than ever, because now +more naturally, she herself, her mind, her laborious hands, her little +fortune, would belong to the fatherless family. She did not sigh over +the prospect, or falter; but she exercised no self-delusion on the +subject. There was nobody but she to do it--nobody but she, in her tender +maidenhood, to manage all the vulgar tragical business which must, this +very day, confirm to the knowledge of the little surrounding world the +event which had happened--nobody but herself to tell the tale to the +widow, to bear all the burdens of the time. Nettie did not think over +these particulars with self-pity, or wonder over her hard lot. She did +not imagine herself to have chosen this lot at all. There was nobody +else to do it--that was the simple secret of her strength. + +But this interval of forlorn repose was a very brief one. Smith came +down putting on his coat, and looking scared and bewildered; his wife, +eager, curious, and excited, closely following. Nettie rose when they +approached her to forestall their questions. + +"My brother-in-law is dead," she said. "He fell into the canal last +night and was drowned. I went out to look for him, and--and found him, +poor fellow! Oh, don't cry out or make a noise: remember Susan does not +know! Now, dear Mrs Smith, I know you are kind--I know you will not vex +me just at this moment. I have had him laid _there_ till his brother +comes. Oh, don't say it's dreadful! Do you think I cannot see how dreadful +it is? but we must not think about that, only what has to be done. When +Dr Edward comes, I will wake my sister; but just for this moment, oh +have patience! I had no place to put him except _there_." + +"But, Lord bless us, he mightn't be clean gone: he might be recovered, +poor gentleman! Smith can run for Dr Marjoribanks; he is nearer nor Dr +Rider," cried the curious excited landlady, with her hand upon the +locked door. + +Nettie made no answer. She took them into the room in solemn silence, +and showed them the stark and ghastly figure, for which all possibilities +had been over in the dark midnight waters hours ago. The earliest gleam +of sunshine came shining in at that moment through the window which last +night Nettie had opened that Fred might see the light in it and be guided +home. It seemed to strike like a reproach upon that quick-throbbing +impatient heart, which felt as a sin against the dead its own lack of +natural grief and affection. She went hurriedly to draw down the blinds +and close out the unwelcome light. "Now he is gone, nobody shall slight +or scorn him," said Nettie to herself, with hot tears; and she turned +the wondering dismayed couple--already awakening out of their first +horror, to think of the injury done to their house and "lodgings," and +all the notoriety of an inquest--out of the room, and locked the door +upon the unwilling owners, whom nothing but her resolute face prevented +from bursting forth in selfish but natural lamentations over their own +secondary share in so disastrous an event. Nettie sat down again, a +silent little sentinel by the closed door, without her shawl, and with +her tiny chilled feet on the cold tiles. Nettie sat silent, too much +occupied even to ascertain the causes of her personal discomfort. She +had indeed enough to think of; and while her little girlish figure, +so dainty, so light, so unlike her fortunes, remained in that unusual +stillness, her mind and heart were palpitating with thoughts--all kinds +of thoughts; not only considerations worthy the solemnity and horror of +the moment, but every kind of trivial and secondary necessity, passed +through that restless soul, all throbbing with life and action, more +self-conscious than usual from the fact of its outward stillness. A +hundred rapid conclusions and calculations about the funeral, the +mourning, the change of domestic habits involved, darted through +Nettie's mind. It was a relief to her to leap forward into these +after-matters. The immediate necessity before her--the dreadful errand +on which she must presently go to her sister's bedside--the burst of +wailing and reproachful grief which all alone Nettie would have to +encounter and subdue, were not to be thought of. She bent down her +little head into her hands, and once more shed back that hair which, +never relieved out of its braids through all this long night, began to +droop over her pale cheeks; and a quick sigh of impatience, of energy +restrained, of such powerlessness as her courageous capable soul, in +the very excess of its courage and capacity, felt in its approaching +conflict with the feeble foolish creature, who never could be stimulated +out of her own narrow possibilities, burst from Nettie's breast. But the +sigh was as much physical as mental--the long-drawn breath of mingled +weariness and restlessness--the instinct to be doing, and the exhaustion +of long labour and emotion, blended together. Thus she waited while +the cold spring morning brightened, and Mrs Smith went about her early +domestic business, returning often into the little back-parlour with +the mullioned window, of which domestic Gothic treatment had made a +condemned cell, to re-express her anxieties and horrors. Nettie had an +instinctive consciousness even of Mrs Smith's grievance. She knew this +dismal association would ruin "the lodgings," and felt that here was +another bond upon her to remain at St Roque's, however much she might +long to escape and flee away. + +All these crowding and breathless thoughts were a few minutes after +reduced to absolute momentary stillness. It was by a step outside coming +hastily with rapid purpose along the silent way. Nettie rose up to meet +Edward Rider; not as the angry lover still fiercely resentful of that +rejection, which was no rejection, but only a bare and simple statement +of necessity; not as the suitor of Miss Marjoribanks; simply as the only +creature in the world who could help her, or to whom she would delegate +any portion of her own hard but inevitable work. She opened the door +before he had time to knock, and held out her hand to him silently, quite +unawares betraying her recognition of his step--her comfort in his +presence. That meeting flushed the doctor's anxious face with a mingled +shame and triumph not expressible in words, but left Nettie as pale, as +preoccupied, as much absorbed in her thoughts and duties as before. + +"Dr Edward, I should not have sent for you if I could have done it all +myself," said Nettie; "but I knew you would think it right to be here +now. And I have Susan and the children to look to. I commit this to +you." + +"Do they know?" said the doctor, taking the key she gave him, and +holding fast, with an instinct of compassion almost more strong than +love, the little hand which never trembled. + +"I will tell Susan, now that you have come--I could not before," said +Nettie, with another sigh. "Poor Susan! I was glad to let her sleep." + +"But there is no one to think whether you sleep or not," cried Edward +Rider. "And those eyes have watched all night. Nettie, Nettie, could not +you have sent for me sooner? A word would have brought me at any +moment." + +"You were not wanted till now," said Nettie, not without a touch of +womanly pride. "I have always been able to do my own work, Dr Edward. +But, now, don't let us quarrel any more," she said, after a pause. "You +were angry once, and I don't wonder. Never mind all that, but let us be +friends; and don't let all the people, and strangers, and men who don't +belong to us," cried Nettie once more, with hot tears in her eyes, "be +hard upon poor Fred!" + +The next moment she had vanished up-stairs and left the doctor alone, +standing in the little cold hall with the key in his hand, and Mrs +Smith's troubled countenance beholding him from far. Edward Rider paused +before he entered upon his dismal share of this morning's work. Death +itself did not suffice to endear Fred Rider to his brother. But he stood +still, with a certain self-reproach, to withdraw his thoughts, if he +could, from Nettie, and to subdue the thrill--the most living touch of +life--which this meeting had stirred within him, before he entered that +miserable chamber of death. + + + + +CHAPTER XI. + + +That dreadful day ebbed over slowly--tedious, yet so full of events +and dismal business that it looked like a year rather than a day. The +necessary investigations were got through without any special call upon +Nettie. She spent the most of the day up-stairs with Susan, whose wild +refusal to believe at first, and sullen stupor afterwards, were little +different from the picture which Nettie's imagination had already made. +The children received the news with wondering stares and questions. +That they did not understand it was little, but that they scarcely +were interested after the first movement of curiosity, disappointed and +wounded the impatient heart, which unconsciously chafed at its own total +inability to convey the feelings natural to such a terrible occasion +into any bosom but its own. Nettie's perpetual activity had hitherto +saved her from this disgust and disappointment. She had been bitterly +intolerant by moments of Fred's disgraceful content and satisfaction +with his own indulgences, but had never paused to fret over what she +could not help, nor contrast her own high youthful humour and sense of +duty with the dull insensibility around her. But to-day had rapt the +heroic little girl into a different atmosphere from that she had been +breathing hitherto. To-day she was aware that her work had been so far +taken out of her hands, and acknowledged in her heart that it was best +it should be so. She heard the heavy feet of men coming and going, +but was not obliged to descend into immediate conflict with all the +circumstances of so horrible a crisis. It was a new sensation to Nettie. +A year ago, perhaps, she would not have relinquished even that dreadful +business to any one;--to-day, the thought of having some one else who +did it for her, and took comfort in relieving her burdened hands, +fell with singular soothing power upon the heart which had come to a +knowledge of its own weakness in these last tedious months; and as +Nettie sat up-stairs with all the remorseful thoughts of nature in +her softened heart, the impossibility of impressing her own emotions +upon those around her struck her with a deeper sense of impatience, +disappointment, and disgust than ever before. When she went softly into +the darkened room where Susan lay in her gloomy bed, divided between +wailings over the injuries which poor Fred had suffered, the harshness +that had driven him out of doors, and the want of his brother or +somebody to take care of him, which had brought the poor fellow to +such an end--and complaints of the wrong done to herself, the "want of +feeling" shown by her sister, the neglect with which she was treated, +Nettie gazed at the sobbing creature with eyes unconsciously wondering, +yet but half-surprised. She knew very well beforehand that this was how +her dreadful tidings would be received; yet out of her own softened, +awed, compunctious heart--her pity too deep for tears over that lost +life--Nettie looked with the unbelief of nature at the widowed woman, +the creature who had loved him, and been his wife--yet who could only +think of somebody else to be blamed, and of herself injured, at that +terrible moment when the companion of her life was violently withdrawn +from her. And to go out of that obstinately darkened refuge of fretful +sorrow, into the room where the blind had been drawn up the moment +her back was turned, and where these three tearless children, totally +unimpressed by the information which they had received as a piece of +news with mingled curiosity and scepticism, occupied themselves with +their usual sports, or listened keenly, with sharp remarks, to the +sounds below, which only the utmost stretch of Nettie's authority could +keep them from descending to investigate, afforded a wonderful reverse +to the picture, which startled her in her momentary clearsightedness. +The contrast between her own feelings--she who had no bonds of natural +affection to Fred, and to whom he had been, by times, a very irksome +burden--and theirs, who were his very own, and belonged to him, appeared +to Nettie as no such contrast had ever appeared before. _Her_ heart +alone was heavy with regret over the ruined man--the now for ever +unredeemable life: she only, to whom his death was no loss, but even, +if she could have permitted that cruel thought to intervene, a gain and +relief, recognised with a pang of compassion almost as sharp as grief, +that grievous, miserable fate. When, a few minutes after, the noise of +the children's play rose to an outburst, Nettie flushed into a momentary +effusion of temper, and silenced the heartless imps with a voice and +look which they dared not venture to resist. Her rebuke was, however, +interrupted by a sudden call from their mother. "How can you have the +heart!--Oh, Nettie, Nettie! I knew you had no feeling!--you never had +any feeling since you were a baby--but how can you speak so to his poor +children, now that he has left them on the cold world?" cried Susan, +sobbing, from her bed. If Nettie sprang to her feet in sudden heat and +disgust, and peremptorily closed the doors intervening between the +children and their mother, nobody will much wonder at that movement of +impatience. Perhaps Nettie's eyes had never been so entirely opened to +the hopeless character of the charge she had taken upon her, as in the +temporary seclusion of that day. + +And meanwhile, down-stairs, Edward Rider was superintending all the +arrangements of the time for Nettie's sake. Not because it was his +brother who lay there, no longer a burden to any man; nor because +natural duty pointed him out as the natural guardian of the orphaned +family. The doctor, indeed, would have done his duty in such a hard +case, however it had been required of him; but the circumstances were +different now: the melancholy bustle, the shame, the consciousness that +everybody knew what manner of existence this lost life had been, the +exposure, the publicity--all that would have wrung with a hundred sharp +wounds a spirit so susceptible to public comments--came with dulled force +upon the doctor's mind to-day. When the people about saw the grave and +seemly composure with which he went about this dismal business, without +those starts and flushes of grievous irritation and shame which the +very mention of his brother had once brought upon him, they believed, +and honoured him in the belief, that death had awakened the ancient +fraternal kindness in Edward Rider's heart. But it was not fraternal +kindness that smoothed off the rude edges of that burden; it was the +consciousness of doing Nettie's work for her, taking her place, sparing +that creature, over whom his heart yearned, the hardest and painfulest +business she had yet been involved in. We cannot take credit for the +doctor which he did not deserve. He forgave Fred when he saw his +motionless figure, never more to do evil or offend in this world, laid +in pitiful solitude in that room, which still was Nettie's room, and +which even in death he grudged to his brother. But Edward's distinct +apprehension of right and wrong, and Fred's deserts in this world, +were not altered by that diviner compunction which had moved Nettie. He +forgave, but did not forget, nor defend with remorseful tenderness his +brother's memory. Not for Fred's sake, but Nettie's, he held his place +in the troubled cottage, and assumed the position of head of the family. +Hard certainties of experience prevented the doctor's unimaginative +mind from respecting here the ideal anguish of sudden widowhood and +bereavement. This was a conclusion noways unnatural or surprising for +such a life as Fred's--and Edward knew, with that contemptuous hardness +into which incessant personal contact with the world drives most men, +that neither the wife nor the children were capable of deep or permanent +feeling. "They will only hang upon _her_ all the heavier," he said +to himself, bitterly; and for her, with repentant love, Edward Rider +exerted himself. In all the house no heart, but Nettie's alone, +acknowledged an ache of pity for Fred and his ruined life. "Mrs Rider, +to be sure, will feel at first--it's only natural," said Mrs Smith; +"but there wasn't nothing else to be looked for; and if it were not +hardhearted to say it, and him lying in his coffin, they'll be a deal +better off without him nor with him. But Smith and me, we have ourselves +to look to, and it's a terrible blow, is this, to a house as was always +as respectable as e'er a one in Carlingford. The lodgings is ruined! +The very marks of the feet, if it was nothing else!" cried the afflicted +landlady, contemplating the scratched tiles in the hall with actual +tears of vexation and regret. But this was the true state of the case to +every unconcerned spectator. Only Nettie, on whom the burden had fallen, +and was yet to fall heaviest, felt the eyes, which were hot and heavy +with watching, grow dim with tears of unspeakable compassion. From +the fulness of her youth and strength--strength so burdened, youth so +dauntless and dutiful--Nettie gazed with a pity too deep for words at +the awful spectacle of that existence lost. That the lifeless thing in +the room below could have been a man, and yet have come and gone so +disastrously through the world, was terrible to think of, to that +living labouring creature, in the depth of her own strange toils and +responsibilities. Her heart ached over that wretched, miserable fate. +Neither toil nor anguish was to be compared to the dread loss of a life +sustained by that departed soul. + + + + +CHAPTER XII. + + +In a few days all this solemn crisis was over, and life went on again in +its ordinary tame current, closing over the dishonoured grave where Fred +found his rest, henceforward nameless in the world that had suffered his +existence as a cumberer of the ground for so many years. Had he been the +prop of his house and the light of their eyes, life would have gone on +again, after that interruption, all the same, with a persistency which +nothing can impair. As it was, the diminished household resumed its +ordinary course of existence, after a very few days, with little more +than outward marks of what had befallen them. It is true that Nettie +sat down with a repugnance which she scarcely could either overcome or +conceal, to dispense the domestic provisions at the table which shortly +before had borne so dread a burden. But nobody thought of that except +Nettie; and but for the black dresses and Susan's cap, Fred was as if he +had never been. + +About a week after the funeral, the doctor went solemnly to visit them +in one of those lengthening spring afternoons. Dr Rider was undeniably +nervous and excited about this interview. He had been at home under +pretence of having luncheon, but in reality to make a solemn toilette, +and wind himself up to the courage necessary for a settlement of affairs. +As he dashed with agitated haste down Grange Lane, he saw Miss Wodehouse +and her sister Lucy coming from St Roque's, where very probably they too +had been making a visit of condolence to Nettie; and a little nearer that +scene of all his cogitations and troubles appeared, a much less welcome +sight, Miss Marjoribanks, whom all Carlingford, a month ago, had declared +Dr Rider to be "paying his addresses" to. The guilty doctor took off his +hat to that stout and sensible wayfarer, with a pang of self-disgust +which avenged Nettie. Along the very road where that little Titania, +eager and rapid, had gone upon her dauntless way so often, to see that +comely well-dressed figure, handsome, sprightly, clever--but with such a +world of bright youth, tenderness, loveliness, everything that touches +the heart of man, between the two! No harm to Miss Marjoribanks; only +shame to the doctor, who, out of angry love, pique, and mortification, +to vex Nettie, had pretended to transfer the homage due to the fairy +princess to that handsome and judicious woman. The experiment had failed +as entirely as it deserved to do; and here was Edward Rider, coming back +wiser and humbler, content to put that question over again, and stand +once more his chance of what his pride had called a rejection, perhaps +content to make still greater sacrifices, if the truth were known, and +to do anything Nettie asked him, if Nettie would but condescend to ask +or enter into terms at all. + +He drew up before St Roque's with a dash, which was much more of +agitation than display, and, throwing the reins at the head of his +little groom, leaped out like a man who did not see where he was going. +He saw Mr Wentworth, however, coming out of the church, and turning +round amazed to look what vehicle had come to so sudden a standstill +there. All the world seemed to be on the road to St Roque's Cottage that +spring afternoon. The doctor made a surly gesture of recognition as he +passed the curate, who gazed at him in calm astonishment from the church +porch. No other intruder appeared between him and the Cottage. He hurried +along past the willow-trees with their drooping tassels, surrounded by a +certain maze of excitement and agitation. As he went up to the door, it +occurred to him suddenly how Nettie had recognised his step that dread +morning of Fred's death. The thought came like a stimulus and encouragement +to the doctor. He went in with a brighter look, a heart more hopeful. +She had opened the door to him before he could knock, held out to +him that tiny morsel of a hand which laboured so hard and constantly, +said--what did Nettie say? how many times had the doctor conned it over +as he went between his patients?--"You were angry once, and, indeed, +I don't wonder." The doctor went boldly in under the cordial of these +simple words. If she did not wonder that he was angry once, could she +think of saying over again that same conclusion which had cast him into +such wrathful despair? He went in to try his fortune a second time, +secure of his temper at least. _That_ could never fail, nor sin against +Nettie again. + +Edward Rider went in, expectant somehow, even against his reason, to +find an altered world in that house from which Fred had gone. He knew +better, to be sure, but nature beguiled the young man out of his +wisdom. When he went in to the parlour his eyes were opened. Upon the +sofa--that same sofa where Fred had lain, all slovenly and mean in his +idleness, with his pipe, polluting Nettie's sole retirement--Mrs Fred +lay now in her sombre black dress, with the white cap circling her faded +face. She had her white handkerchief in her hand, and was carefully +arranged upon the sofa, with a chair placed near for sympathisers. At +the table, working rapidly as usual, sat Nettie. Sometimes she turned +a momentary glance of mingled curiosity and wonder upon her sister. +Evidently she did not interfere with this development of sorrow. Nettie +had enough to do, besides, with her needlework, and to enjoin a moderate +amount of quietness upon Freddy and his little sister, who were building +wooden bricks into houses and castles on the floor by her side. When the +doctor entered the room he saw how it was with instantaneous insight. +Mrs Fred was sitting in state, in the pomp of woe, to receive all the +compassionate people who might come to condole with her. Nettie, half +impatient, half glad that her sister could amuse herself so, sat in busy +toleration, putting up with it, carrying on her own work through it +all--and still, as always, those bonds of her own making closed hard and +tenacious upon the prop of the house. Even the chance of speaking with +her by herself died off into extreme distance. Young Rider, who came in +with the full conviction that anger could never more rise in his heart +against Nettie, grew pale with passion, resentment, and impatience before +he had been a minute in the room. Always the same! Not relieved out +of her bondage--closer bound and prisoned than ever! He took, with an +impatient involuntary commotion, the chair placed beside the sofa, and +sat down in it abruptly with the briefest salutations. His hopes and +anticipations all went bitterly back upon his heart. The very rustle of +Nettie's arm as she spread out that little black frock upon the table, +and put on its melancholy trimmings, exasperated afresh the man who five +minutes ago did not believe it possible that he ever could feel an +impulse of displeasure against her again. + +"I cannot say that I expected to see you, Mr Edward," said Mrs Fred, +lifting her handkerchief to her eyes; "indeed, when I remember the last +time you were here, I wonder you could think of coming near us. But now +my poor dear Fred is gone, we have nobody to protect us--and of course +you don't mind how you hurt my feelings. If you had done your duty by my +poor fellow when he was living, he might never--never----" + +Here Mrs Fred paused, choked by spiteful tears. + +"Dr Edward, don't mind what Susan says," said Nettie. "It is very kind +of you to come after everything---- If you would only tell the people +not to take any notice, but just to let us go on as usual. They all want +to be kind, you know--they keep coming, and asking what they can do; and +you understand very well there is nothing to do," said Nettie, with a +little pride. "We are just as we were before--nothing is changed: one +does not like to be unkind, but nobody needs to do anything. We shall +get along all the same." + +"So it seems, indeed," said Dr Rider, with irrepressible bitterness; +"all the same! But, indeed, I came specially to ask what my sister-in-law +meant to do," continued the doctor, bent on one last appeal. "Now that +you are left to yourself, Mrs Rider, what do you think of doing? Of +course you must have some plans about the children and your future +life?" + +Mrs Fred looked up at him with momentary alarm and dismay. She did not +know what the question meant, but a certain vague terror seized her. It +seemed to imply somehow that she was now to be left to her own resources. +She gave a certain gasp of appeal to "Nettie!" and took refuge once more +in her handkerchief. The doctor was desperate--he had no mercy in him. + +"Nettie! always Nettie!" cried the young man. "And is it true, Nettie--is +it all the same? Are you always to go on toiling for the miserable +comforts of other people? What is to become of us? Have you sold +yourself to this fate?" + +Nettie laid down the little black frock out of her laborious hands. "You +have been up all night, Dr Edward," she said, with a certain tenderness, +looking at his agitated face; "you are tired out and sick at the heart. +I know it makes you say things you would not say; but after all, you +know, except poor Fred, whom none of you think of, everything is the +very same. I cannot make it different--nothing can make it different. +There is Susan plain enough to be seen--and there are the children. +Sometimes it has come into my mind," said Nettie, "that as I shall never +be able to afford a _very_ good education for the children, it would be +better to take them out to the colony again, where they might get on +better than here. But it is a dreadful long voyage; and we have no near +friends there, or anywhere else: and," concluded the steadfast creature, +who had dropped these last words from her lips sentence by sentence, +as if eager to impress upon her own mind the arguments against that +proceeding--"and," said Nettie, with wistful pathetic honesty, not able +to deny the real cause of the reluctance altogether, "I don't seem to +have the heart for it now." + +Dr Rider started up from his chair. He went to Nettie's side with a +sudden thrill of agitation and passion. He clasped the hand with which +Nettie was smoothing out that little frock, and crushed the delicate +fingers in his inconsiderate grasp. "Nettie! if you must carry them +always upon your shoulders, cannot we do it together, at least?" cried +the doctor, carried away beyond every boundary of sense or prudence. He +got down on his knees beside the table, not kneeling to her, but only +compelling her attention--demanding to see the answer of her eyes, the +quiver of her mouth. For that moment Nettie's defences too fell before +this unlooked-for outburst of a love that had forgotten prudence. Her +mouth quivered, her eyes filled. If it were possible--if it were only +possible!---- They had both forgotten the spectators who gazed with +curious eyes, all unaware how deeply their own fate was involved; and +that fate was still trembling in the breathless interval, when a vulgar +finger touched those delicate balances of possibility, and the crisis +was over, perhaps never to return. + +"Nettie!" cried Mrs Fred, "if Edward Rider has no respect for me, nor +for my poor Fred--my poor, dear, injured husband, that helped to bring +him up, and gave up his practice to him, and died, as I might say, by +his neglect--Nettie! how can you be so cruel to your sister? How can you +go taking his hand, and looking as if he were your lover? You never had +any feeling for me, though everybody thinks so much of you. And now I +know what I have to expect. The moment my poor dear Fred's head is laid +in the grave--as soon as ever you have me in your own hands, and nobody +to protect me!--oh, my Fred! my Fred!--as soon as you are gone, this is +how they are using your poor helpless family!--and soon, soon I shall +die too, and you will not be encumbered with _me_!" + +Long before this sobbing speech was concluded, Dr Rider had risen to his +feet, and was pacing through the little room with hasty steps of disgust +and rage, and an agitation which overwhelmed all his attempts to master +it; while Nettie sat supporting her head in her hands, pressing her +fingers upon her hot eyes, beholding that fair impossible vision break +and disappear from before her. Nettie's heart groaned within her, and +beat against the delicate bosom which, in its tender weakness, was +mighty as a giant's. She made no answer to her sister's outcry, nor +attempted to comfort the hysterical sobbing into which Susan fell. +Nettie gave up the hopeless business without being deceived by those +selfish demonstrations. She was not even fortunate enough to be able to +persuade herself into admiring love and enthusiasm for those to whom +necessity obliged her to give up her own life. She said nothing; she +knew the sobs would subside, the end would be gained, the insignificant +soul lapse into comfort, and with a sigh of compulsory resignation +Nettie yielded once more to her fate. + +"Dr Edward, do not think of me any more," she said, resolutely, rising +and going out to the door with him, in her simplicity and courage. "You +see very well it is impossible. I know you see it as well as I do. If +we could be friends as we once were, I should be very, very glad, but I +don't think it is possible just now. Don't say anything. We both know +how it is, and neither of us can help it. If we could get not to think +of each other, that would be best," said Nettie, with another sigh; "but +in the mean time let us say good-bye, and speak of it no more." + +If the doctor did not take his dismissal exactly so--if Nettie's +identification of her own sentiments with his did lead to a warmer +tenderness in that farewell, which could not be final while such a +bond united them, it was at least with an absolute conviction of the +impossibility of any closer union that they parted. The doctor sprang +into his drag and dashed away to his patients, plunging into the work +which he had somewhat neglected during that exciting day. He was not +without some comfort as he went about his business with Care behind him, +but that very comfort embittered the pang of the compulsory submission. +To think he must leave her there with those burdens upon her delicate +shoulders--to believe her his, yet not his, the victim of an unnatural +bondage--drove Edward Rider desperate as he devoured the way. A hundred +times in an hour he made up his mind to hasten back again and snatch +her forcibly out of that thraldom, and yet a hundred times had to fall +back consuming his heart with fiery irritation, and chafing at all +that seemed duty and necessity to Nettie. As he was proceeding on his +troubled way it occurred to him to meet--surely everybody in Carlingford +was out of doors this particular afternoon!--that prosperous wife, Mrs +John Brown, who had once been Bessie Christian. She was a very pale +apparition now to the doctor, engrossed as he was with an influence much +more imperious and enthralling than hers had ever been; but the sight +of her, on this day of all others, was not without its effect upon +Edward Rider. Had not she too been burdened with responsibilities which +the doctor would not venture to take upon his shoulders, but which +another man, more daring, _had_ taken, and rendered bearable? As the +thought of that possibility occurred to him, a sudden vision of Mrs +Fred's faded figure flashed across his eyes. In the excitement of the +moment he touched too sharply with his whip that horse which had suffered +the penalty of most of his vagaries of temper and imagination for some +time past. The long-suffering beast was aggravated out of patience by +that unexpected irritation. It was all the doctor could do for the +next ten minutes to keep his seat and his command over the exasperated +animal, whose sudden frenzy terrified Mrs Brown, and drove her to take +refuge in the nearest shop. How little the Carlingford public, who +paused at a respectful distance to look on, guessed those emotions which +moved the doctor as they watched him subduing his rebellious horse with +vigorous arm and passionate looks! Bessie, with a little palpitation at +her heart, could not refrain from a passing wonder whether the sight of +herself had anything to do with that sudden conflict. Mrs Brown knew +little about St Roque's Cottage, but had heard of Miss Marjoribanks, +who it was not to be supposed could hold a very absolute sway over +the doctor. Meanwhile Dr Rider struggled with his horse with all the +intensity of determination with which he would have struggled against +his fate had that been practicable. With set teeth and eyes that blazed +with sudden rage and resolution, he subdued the unruly brute, and forced +it to acknowledge his mastery. When he drove the vanquished animal, all +quivering with pain and passion, on its further course, the struggle had +refreshed his mind a little. Ah, if life and adverse fortune could but +be vanquished so!--but all Edward Rider's resolution and courage died +into hopeless disgust before the recollection of Mrs Fred upon that +sofa. Even with Nettie at one hand, that peevish phantom on the other, +those heartless imps in insolent possession of the wonderful little +guardian who would not forsake them, made up a picture which made the +doctor's heart sick. No! Nettie was right. It was impossible. Love, +patience, charity, after all, are but human qualities, when they have to +be held against daily disgusts, irritations, and miseries. The doctor +knew as well as Nettie did that he could not bear it. He knew even, as +perhaps Nettie did not know, that her own image would suffer from the +association; and that a man so faulty and imperfect as himself could not +long refrain from resenting upon his wife the dismal restraints of such +a burden. With a self-disgust which was most cutting of all, Edward +Rider felt that he should descend to that injustice; and that not even +Nettie herself would be safe against the effusions of his impatience +and indignation. All through the course of this exciting episode in his +life, his own foresight and knowledge of himself had been torture to the +doctor, and had brought him, in addition to all other trials, silent +agonies of self-contempt which nobody could guess. But he could not alter +his nature. He went through his day's work very wretched and dejected, +yet with an ineffable touch of secret comfort behind all, which sometimes +would look him in the face for a moment like a passing sunbeam, yet +sometimes seemed to exasperate beyond bearing the tantalising misery of +his fate. A more agitated, disturbed, passionate, and self-consuming man +than the doctor was not in Carlingford, nor within a hundred miles; yet +it was not perfect wretchedness after all. + +Nettie, on her part, went back to Mrs Fred in the parlour after she had +parted from Edward Rider, with feelings somewhat different from the +doctor's. Perhaps she too had indulged a certain pang of expectation as +to what might follow after Fred was gone, in the new world that should +be after that change; for Nettie, with all her wisdom of experience, was +still too young not to believe that circumstances did change everything +now and then, even dispositions and hearts. But before Dr Rider knew +it--before he had even wound up his courage to the pitch of asking what +was now to happen to them--the little Australian had made up her mind to +that which was inevitable. The same Susan whose ceaseless discontents +and selfish love had driven Nettie across the seas to look for Fred, was +now reposing on that sofa in her widow's cap, altogether unchanged, as +helpless and unabandonable, as dependent, as much a fool as ever. The +superior wretchedness of Fred's presence and life had partially veiled +Susan's character since they came to Carlingford. Now she had the field +to herself again, and Nettie recognised at once the familiar picture. +From the moment when Susan in her mourning came down-stairs, Nettie +acknowledged the weakness of circumstances, the pertinacity of nature. +What could she do?--she gave up the scarcely-formed germ of hope that +had begun to appear in her breast. She made up her mind silently to what +must be. No agonies of martyrdom could have made Nettie desert her post +and abandon these helpless souls. They could do nothing for themselves, +old or young of them; and who was there to do it all? she asked herself, +with that perpetual reference to necessity which was Nettie's sole process +of reasoning on the subject. Thus considered, the arguments were short +and telling, the conclusion unmistakable. Here was this visible piece +of business--four helpless creatures to be supported and provided and +thrust through life somehow--with nobody in the world but Nettie to do +it; to bring them daily bread and hourly tendance, to keep them alive, +and shelter their helplessness with refuge and protection. She drew up +her tiny Titania figure, and put back her silken flood of hair, and stood +upright to the full extent of her little stature, when she recognised +the truth. Nobody could share with her that warfare which was hard +to flesh and blood. There was nothing to be said on the subject--no +possibility of help. She was almost glad when that interview, which she +foresaw, was over, and when Edward had recognised as well as herself +the necessities of the matter. She went back again out of the little +hall where, for one moment and no more, the lights of youth and love had +flushed over Nettie, suffusing her paleness with rose-blushes. Now it +was all over. The romance was ended, the hero gone, and life had begun +anew. + +"I can't say I ever liked this place," sighed Mrs Fred, when the lamp +was lit that evening, and Nettie had come down-stairs again after seeing +the children in bed. "It was always dull and dreary to me. If we hadn't +been so far out of Carlingford, things might have been very different. +My poor Fred! instead of taking care of him, all the dangers that ever +could be were put in his way." + +This sentence was concluded by some weeping, of which, however, Nettie +did not take any notice. Making mourning by lamp-light is hard work, as +all poor seamstresses know. Nettie had no tears in the eyes that were +fixed intently upon the little coat which was to complete Freddy's +outfit; and she did not even look up from that urgent occupation to +deprecate Susan's tears. + +"I tell you, Nettie, I never could bear this place," said Mrs Fred; "and +now, whenever I move, the dreadful thoughts that come into my mind are +enough to kill me. You always were strong from a baby, and of course it +is not to be expected that you can understand what my feelings are. And +Mrs Smith is anything but kind, or indeed civil, sometimes; and I don't +think I could live through another of these cold English winters. I am +sure I never could keep alive through another winter, now my poor Fred's +gone." + +"Well?" asked Nettie, with involuntary harshness in her voice. + +"I don't care for myself," sobbed Mrs Fred, "but it's dreadful to see +you so unfeeling, and to think what would become of his poor children if +anything were to happen to me. I do believe you would marry Edward Rider +if it were not for me, and go and wrong the poor children, and leave +them destitute. Nobody has the feeling for them that a mother has; but +if I live another winter in England, I know I shall die." + +"You have thought of dying a great many times," said Nettie, "but it has +never come to anything. Never mind that just now. What do you want? Do +you want me to take you back to the colony all these thousands of miles, +after so many expenses as there have been already?--or what is it you +want me to do?" + +"You always speak of expenses, Nettie: you are very poor-spirited, though +people think so much of you," said Susan; "and don't you think it is +natural I should wish to go home, now my poor Fred has been taken away +from me? And you confessed it would be best for the children. We know +scarcely anybody here, and the very sight of _that_ Edward that was so +cruel to my poor Fred----" + +"Susan, don't be a fool," said Nettie; "you know better in your heart. +If you will tell me plainly what you want, I shall listen to you; but +if not, I will go up-stairs and put away Freddy's things. Only one thing +I may tell you at once; you may leave Carlingford if you please, but I +shall not. I cannot take you back again to have you ill all the way, and +the children threatening to fall overboard twenty times in a day. I did +it once, but I will not do it again." + +"You _will_ not?" cried Susan. "Ah, I know what you mean: I know very +well what you mean. You think Edward Rider----" + +Nettie rose up and faced her sister with a little gasp of resolution +which frightened Mrs Fred. "I don't intend to have anything said about +Edward Rider," said Nettie; "he has nothing to do with it one way or +another. I tell you what I told him, that I have not the heart to carry +you all back again; and I cannot afford it either; and if you want +anything more, Susan," added the peremptory creature, flashing forth +into something of her old spirit, "I shan't go--and that is surely +enough." + +With which words Nettie went off like a little sprite to put away +Freddy's coat, newly completed, along with the other articles of his +wardrobe, at which she had been working all day. In that momentary +impulse of decision and self-will a few notes of a song came unawares +from Nettie's lip, as she glanced, light and rapid as a fairy, up-stairs. +She stopped a minute after with a sigh. Were Nettie's singing days over? +She had at least come at last to find her life hard, and to acknowledge +that this necessity which was laid upon her was grievous by times to +flesh and blood; but not the less for that did she arrange Freddy's +little garments daintily in the drawers, and pause, before she went +down-stairs again, to cover him up in his little bed. + +Susan still sat pondering and crying over the fire. Her tears were a +great resource to Mrs Fred. They occupied her when she had nothing else +to occupy herself with; and when she cast a weeping glance up from her +handkerchief to see Nettie draw her chair again to the table, and lay +down a little pile of pinafores and tuckers which required supervision, +Susan wept still more, and said it was well to be Nettie, who never +was overcome by her feelings. Thus the evening passed dully enough. +Just then, perhaps, Nettie was not a very conversable companion. Such +interviews as that of this day linger in the heads of the interlocutors, +and perhaps produce more notable effects afterwards than at the moment. +Nettie was not thinking about it. She was simply going over it again, +finding out the tones and meanings which, in the haste and excitement of +their occurrence, did not have their full force. The fulness of detail +that lingers about such pictures, which are not half apprehended till +they have been gone over again and again, is marvellous. The pinafores +went unconsciously through Nettie's fingers. She was scarcely aware of +Susan crying by the fire. Though it had been in some degree a final and +almost hopeless parting, there was comfort behind the cloud to Nettie as +well as to the doctor. She had forgotten all about the discussion with +which the evening began before Susan spoke again. + +"Richard Chatham came home with the last mail," said Susan, making a +feeble effort to renew the fight. "He sent me a letter last week, you +know. I daresay he will come to see us. Richard Chatham from Melbourne, +Nettie. I daresay he will not stay out of the colony long." + +Nettie, who was lost in her own thoughts, made no reply. + +"I daresay," repeated Mrs Fred, "he will be going out again in a month +or two. I do not believe he could bear this dreadful English winter any +more than I could. I daresay he'd be glad to take care of us out--if you +should change your mind about going, Nettie." + +Nettie gave her sister a glance of resolution and impatience--a +swift glance upward from her work, enough to show she marked and +understood--but still did not speak. + +"Richard Chatham was always very good-natured: it would be such a good +thing for us to go in the same ship--if you should happen to change your +mind about going, Nettie," said Mrs Fred, rising to retire to her room. +"I am going to bed to try to get a little sleep. Such wretched nights as +I have would kill anybody. I should not wonder if Richard Chatham came +some of these days to see us. Poor fellow! he had always a great fancy +for _our_ family; and it would be _such_ a thing for us, Nettie, if you +should change your mind about going, to go in the same ship!" + +With which Parthian shot Mrs Fred made her way up-stairs and retired +from the field. Nettie woke with a startled consciousness out of her +dreams, to perceive that here was the process of iteration begun which +drives the wisest to do the will of fools. She woke up to it for a +moment, and, raising her drooping head, watched her sister make her way, +with her handkerchief in her hand, and the broad white bands of her cap +streaming over her shoulders, to the door. Susan stole a glance round +before she disappeared, to catch the startled glance of that resolute +little face, only half woke up, but wholly determined. Though Mrs Fred +dared not say another word at that moment, she disappeared full of the +conviction that her arrow had told, and that the endless persistence +with which she herself, a woman and a fool, was gifted, need only be +duly exercised to win the day. When Susan was gone, that parting arrow +did quiver for a moment in Nettie's heart; but the brave little girl +had, for that one night, a protection which her sister wist not of. +After the door closed, Nettie fell back once more into that hour of +existence which expanded and opened out the more for every new approach +which memory made to it. Sweet nature, gentle youth, and the Magician +greater than either, came round her in a potent circle and defended +Nettie. The woman was better off than the man in this hour of their +separation, yet union. He chafed at the consolation which was but +visionary; she, perhaps, in that visionary, ineffable solacement found +a happiness greater than any reality could ever give. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII. + + +It was some months after the time of this conversation when a man, unlike +the usual aspect of man in Carlingford, appeared at the inn with a +carpet-bag, and asked his way to St Roque's Cottage. Beards were not +common in those days: nobody grew one in Carlingford except Mr Lake, +who, in his joint capacity of portrait-painter and drawing-master, +represented the erratic and lawless followers of Art to the imagination +of the respectable town. But the stranger who made his sudden appearance +at the Blue Boar wore such a forest of hair on the lower part of his +burly countenance as obliterated all ordinary landmarks in that region, +and by comparison made Mr Lake's dainty little mustache and _etceteras_ +sink into utter propriety and respectableness. The rest of the figure +corresponded with this luxuriant feature; the man was large and burly, +a trifle too stout for a perfect athlete, but powerful and vigorous almost +beyond anything then known in Carlingford. It was now summer, and warm +weather, and the dress of the new-comer was as unusual as the other +particulars of his appearance. In his broad straw-hat and linen coat he +stood cool and large in the shady hall of the Blue Boar, with glimpses +of white English linen appearing under his forest of beard, and round +his brown sun-scorched wrists. A very small stretch of imagination was +necessary to thrust pistols into his belt and a cutlass into his hand, +and reveal him as the settler-adventurer of a half-savage disturbed +country, equally ready to work or to fight, and more at home in the +shifts and expedients of the wilderness than among the bonds of +civilisation; yet always retaining, as English adventurers will, certain +dainty personal particulars--such, for instance, as that prejudice in +favour of clean linen, which only the highest civilisation can cultivate +into perfection. He went off down Grange Lane with the swing and poise +of a Hercules when the admiring waiters directed him to the Cottage. +Miss Wodehouse, who was standing at the door with Lucy, in the long grey +cloak and close bonnet lately adopted by the sisterhood of mercy, which +had timidly, under the auspices of the perpetual curate, set itself +a-going at St Roque's, looked after the savage man with an instinct of +gentle curiosity, wondering where he was going and where he came from. +To tell the truth, that tender-hearted soul could with more comfort +to herself have stepped down a little on the road to St Roque's, and +watched whether that extraordinary figure was in search of Nettie--a +suspicion which immediately occurred to her--than she could set out +upon the district-visiting, to which Lucy now led her forth. But Miss +Wodehouse had tremulously taken example by the late rector, whose abrupt +retirement from the duties for which he did not feel himself qualified, +the good people in Carlingford had scarcely stopped discussing. Miss +Wodehouse, deeply impressed in her gentle mind by the incidents of that +time, had considered it her duty to reclaim if possible--she who had no +circle of college dons to retire into--her own life from its habits of +quiet indolence. She consented to go with Lucy into all the charitable +affairs of Carlingford. She stood silent with a pitying face, and +believed in all the pretences of beggary which Lucy saw through by +natural insight. But it was no more her natural element than the long +grey cloak was a natural garment for that spotless, dove-coloured woman. +Her eyes turned wistfully after the stranger with suppressed impulses +of gentle curiosity and gossip. She knew very well he did not belong to +Carlingford. She knew nobody in Grange Lane or the neighbourhood to +whom he could belong. She wanted very much to stop and inquire at the +stable-boy of the Blue Boar, their own gardener's son, who and what this +new-comer was, and turned back to look after him before she turned out +of George Street following Lucy, with lively anxiety to know whether he +was going to St Roque's. Perhaps the labours of a sisterhood of mercy +require a special organisation even of the kind female soul. Miss +Wodehouse, the most tender-hearted of human creatures, did not rise to +that development; and, with a little pang of unsatisfied wonder, saw the +unaccustomed Hercules disappear in the distance without being able to +make out whither he was bound. + +Nobody, however, who had been privileged to share the advantages of Mrs +Fred Rider's conversation for some time back, could be at a loss to guess +who this messenger from the wilderness was. It was Richard Chatham come +at last--he with whose name Nettie had been bored and punctured through +and through from the first day of his introduction into Susan's talk till +now. Mrs Fred had used largely in the interval that all-potent torture +of the "continual dropping;"--used it so perpetually as, though without +producing any visible effect upon Nettie's resolution, to introduce +often a certain sickness and disgust with everything into that steadfast +soul. Nor did she content herself with her own exertions, but skilfully +managed to introduce the idea into the minds of the children--ready, as +all children are, for change and novelty. Nettie had led a hard enough +life for these three months. She could not meet Edward Rider, nor he +her, with a calm pretence of friendship; and Susan, always insolent and +spiteful, and now mistress of the position, filled the doctor with an +amount of angry irritation which his longings for Nettie's society could +not quite subdue. That perpetual barrier between them dismayed both. +Meetings which always ended in pain were best avoided, except at those +intervals when longing love could not, even under that penalty, refuse +itself the gratification; but the dismal life which was lighted up +only by those unfrequent, agitating, exasperating encounters, and +which flowed on through a hundred petty toilsome duties to the fretful +accompaniment of Susan's iterations and the novel persecution now +carried on by the children, was naturally irksome to the high-spirited +and impatient nature which, now no longer heart-whole or fancy-free, did +not find it so easy to carry its own way triumphantly through those +heavy clogs of helplessness and folly. In the days when Miss Wodehouse +pitied and wondered, Nettie had required no sympathy; she had carried +on her course victorious, more entirely conscious of the supreme +gratification of having her own way than of the utter self-sacrifice +which she made to Fred and his family. But now the time predicted by +Miss Wodehouse had arrived. Nettie's own personal happiness had come to +be at stake, and had been unhesitatingly given up. But the knowledge of +that renunciation dwelt with Nettie. Not all the natural generosity of +her mind--not that still stronger argument which she used so often, the +mere necessity and inevitableness of the case--could blind her eyes to +the fact that she _had_ given up her own happiness; and bitter flashes +of thought would intervene, notwithstanding even the self-contempt and +reproach with which she became aware of them. That doubtful complicated +matter, most hard and difficult of mortal problems, pressed hard upon +Nettie's mind and heart. In former days, when she scornfully denied it +to be self-sacrifice, and laboured on, always indomitable, unconscious +that what she did was anything more than the simplest duty and necessity, +all was well with the dauntless, all-enterprising soul; but growing +knowledge of her own heart, of other hearts, cast dark and perplexing +shades upon Nettie, as upon all other wayfarers, in these complex paths. +The effect upon her mind was different from the effect to be expected +according to modern sentimental ethics. Nettie had never doubted of +the true duty, the true necessity, of her position, till she became +conscious of her vast sacrifice. Then a hundred doubts appalled her. Was +she so entirely _right_ as she had supposed? Was it best to relieve the +helpless hands of Fred and Susan of their natural duties, and bear these +burdens for them, and disable herself, when her time came, from the +nobler natural yoke in which her full womanly influence might have told +to an extent impossible to it now? These questions made Nettie's head, +which knew no fanciful pangs, ache with painful thought, and confused +her heart and dimmed her lights when she most needed them to burn +brightly. While, at the very time when these doubts assailed her, her +sister's repetitions and the rising discontent and agitations of the +children, came in to over-cloud the whole business in a mist of sick +impatience and disgust. Return to Australia was never out of Susan's +mind, never absent from her pertinacious foolish lips. Little Freddy +harped upon it all day long, and so did his brother and sister. Nettie +said nothing, but retired with exasperated weariness upon her own +thoughts--sometimes thinking, tired of the conflict, why not give in to +them? why not complete the offering, and remove once for all into the +region of impossibility that contradictory longing for another life that +still stirred by times in her heart? She had never given expression to +this weary inclination to make an end of it, which sometimes assailed +her fatigued soul; but this was the condition in which Richard Chatham's +visit found her, when that Bushman, breathing of the wilds and the +winds, came down the quiet suburban road to St Roque's, and, filling the +whole little parlour with his beard and his presence, came stumbling +into the confined room, where Mrs Fred still lay on the sofa, and Nettie +pursued her endless work. + +"Sorry to hear of the poor doctor's accident," said the Australian, to +whom Fred bore that title. "But he always was a bit of a rover; though +it's sad when it comes to that. And so you are thinking of a return to +the old colony? Can't do better, _I_ should say--there ain't room in +this blessed old country for anything but tax-gatherers and gossips. I +can't find enough air to breathe, for my part--and what there is, is +taxed--leastways the light is, which is all the same. Well, Mrs Rider! +say the word, ma'am, and I'm at your disposal. I'm not particular for a +month or two, so as I get home before next summer; and if you'll only +tell me your time, I'll make mine suit, and do the best I can for you +all. Miss Nettie's afraid of the voyage, is she? That's a new line for +her, I believe. Something taken her fancy in this horrid old box of a +place, eh? Ha! ha! but I'll be head-nurse and courier to the party, Miss +Nettie, if you trust yourselves to me." + +"We don't mean to go back, thank you," said Nettie. "It is only a fancy +of Susan's. Nobody ever dreamt of going back. It is much too expensive +and troublesome to be done so easily. Now we are here, we mean to stay." + +The Bushman looked a little startled, and his lips formed into a whistle +of astonishment, which Nettie's resolute little face kept inaudible. +"Taken your fancy very much, eh, Miss Nettie?" said the jocular savage, +who fancied raillery of one kind or other the proper style of conversation +to address to a young lady. Nettie gave that big hero a flashing sudden +glance which silenced him. Mr Chatham once more formed an inaudible +whew! with his lips, and looked at Mrs Fred. + +"But _your_ heart inclines to the old colony, Miss Susan?--I beg your +pardon--didn't remember what I was saying at that moment. Somehow you +look so much as you used to do, barring the cap," said the Australian, +"that one forgets all that has happened. You incline to cross the seas +again, Mrs Rider, without thinking of the expense?--and very sensible +too. There never was a place like this blessed old country for swallowing +up a man's money. You'll save as much in a year in the colony as will +take you across." + +"That is what I always say;--but of course my wishes are little thought +of," said Mrs Fred, with a sigh; "of course it's Nettie we have to look +to now. If she does not choose, to be sure, it does not matter what I +wish. Ah! if I don't look different, I feel different--things are +changed _now_." + +The Bushman gave a puzzled glance, first at one sister and then at the +other. It occurred to him that Fred had not been so much of a strength +and protection to his family as this speech implied, and that Nettie had +been the person whom Mrs Rider had to "look to" even before they left +that colony for which she now sighed. But Mrs Fred, in her sorrow and +her white cap, was an interesting figure to the eyes which were not much +accustomed to look upon womankind. He had no doubt hers was a hard case. +Nettie sat opposite, very busy, silent, and resolute, flashing dangerous +sudden glances occasionally at her languid sister and their big visitor. +It was confusing to meet those brilliant impatient wrathful eyes; though +they were wonderfully bright, they put out the wild man of the woods, +and made him feel uncomfortable. He turned with relief to those milder +orbs which Mrs Fred buried in her handkerchief. Poor little oppressed +woman, dependent upon that little arbitrary sister! The sincerest pity +awoke in the Bushman's heart. + +"Well!" he said, good-humouredly, "I hope you'll come to be of one mind +when Miss Nettie thinks it over again; and you have only to drop me a +line to let me know when your plans are formed; and it will go hard +with me, but I'll make mine suit them one way or another. All that I can +do for you in the way of outfit or securing your passages--or even, if +you would allow me----" + +Here the good fellow paused, afraid to venture any further. Nettie looked +up in a sudden blaze, and transfixed him with her eye. + +"We have enough for everything we want, thank you," said Nettie, looking +through and through his guilty benevolent intentions, and bringing a +flush of confusion to his honest cheeks. "When I say I cannot afford +anything, I don't mean to ask anybody's assistance, Mr Chatham. We can +do very well by ourselves. If it came to be best for the children--or if +Susan keeps on wishing it, and gets her own way, as she generally does," +said Nettie, with heightened colour, dropping her eyes, and going on at +double speed with her work, "I daresay we shall manage it as we did +before. But that is my concern. Nobody in the world has anything to do +with it but me." + +"Oh, Nettie, dear, you're giving in at last!--do say you'll go! and +Mr Chatham promises he'll take care of us on the way," cried Mrs +Fred, clasping her hands. They were thin hands, and looked delicate in +contrast with her black dress. She was very interesting, pathetic, and +tender to the rough eyes of the Bushranger. He thought that imperative +little creature opposite, with her brilliant glances, her small head +drooping under those heavy braids of hair, her tiny figure and rapid +fingers, looked like a little cruel sprite oppressing the melancholy +soul. When Nettie rose from the table, goaded into sudden intolerance by +that appeal, the climax of the "continual dropping," and threw her work +indignantly on the table, and called Freddy to come directly, and get +dressed for his walk, the impression made by her supposed arbitrary and +imperious behaviour was not diminished. She went out disdainful, making +no reply, and left those two to a private conference. Then Mrs Fred +unbosomed her bereaved heart to that sympathetic stranger. She told him +how different everything was now--how hard it was to be dependent even +on one's sister--how far otherwise things might have been, if poor dear +Fred had been more prudent: one way or other, all her life through, +Susan had been an injured woman. All her desire was to take the children +back to the colony before she died. "If Nettie would but yield!" sighed +Mrs Fred, clasping her hands. + +"Nettie must yield!" cried the Bushranger, full of emotion; and Susan +cried a little, and told him how much the poor dear children wished it; +and knew in her fool's heart that she had driven Nettie to the extremest +bounds of patience, and that a little more persistence and iteration +would gain the day. + +In the mean time Nettie went out with Freddy--the other two being at +school--and took him across the fields for his afternoon walk. The +little fellow talked of Australia all the way, with a childish treachery +and betrayal of her cause which went to Nettie's heart. She walked by +his side, hearing without listening, throbbing all over with secret +disgust, impatience, and despair. She too perceived well enough the +approaching crisis. She saw that once more all her own resolution--the +purpose of her heart--would be overborne by the hopeless pertinacity of +the unconvincible, unreasoning fool. She did not call her sister hard +names--she recognised the quality without giving it its appropriate +title--and recognised also, with a bitterness of resistance, yet a sense +of the inevitable, not to be described, the certain issue of the unequal +contest. What chance had the generous little heart, the hasty temper, +the quick and vivacious spirit, against that unwearying, unreasoning +pertinacity? Once more she must arise, and go forth to the end of the +world: and the sacrifice must be final now. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV. + + +"Well, it's to be hoped she's going to do well for herself--that's all +we've got to do with it, eh? I suppose so," said Mr Wodehouse; "she's +nothing to you, is she, but a little girl you've taken a deal of notice +of?--more notice than was wanted, if I am any judge. If she does go and +marry this fellow from Australia, and he's willing to take the whole +bundle back to where they came from, it is the best thing that could +happen, in _my_ opinion. Sly young dog, that doctor, though, I must +say--don't you think so? Well, that's how it appears to me. Let's see; +there was Bessie----; hum! perhaps it's as well, in present circumstances, +to name no names. There was _her_, in the first instance, you know; +and the way he got out of that was beautiful; it was what I call +instructive, was that. And then--why then, there was Miss Marjoribanks, +you know--capital match that--just the thing for young Rider--set him up +for life." + +"Papa, pray--_pray_ don't talk nonsense," said Miss Wodehouse, with +gentle indignation. "Miss Marjoribanks is at least ten years----" + +"Oh, stuff!--keep your old-maidish memory to yourself, Molly; who cares +for a dozen years or so? Hasn't she all the old Scotchman's practice and +his savings?--and a fine woman yet--a fine woman, eh? Well, yes, I think +so; and then here's this little wretch of a sister-in-law. Why, the +doctor's taken your _role_, Wentworth, eh? Well, I suppose what ought to +be your _role_, you know, though I _have_ seen you casting glances at +the strange little creature yourself." + +"Indeed, I assure you, you are entirely mistaken," said Mr Wentworth, +hastily, with a sudden flush of either indignation or guilt. The curate +glanced at Lucy Wodehouse, who was walking demurely by his side, but +who certainly did prick up her ears at this little bit of news. She saw +very well that he had looked at her, but would take no notice of his +glance. But Lucy's curiosity was notably quickened, notwithstanding; St +Roque's Cottage was wonderfully handy, if the perpetual curate of the +pretty suburban church saw anything worth visiting there. Lucy drew up +her pretty shoulders in her grey sister-of-mercy cloak, and opened her +blue eyes a little wider. She was still in circumstances to defy her +reverend lover, if his eyes had declined upon lower attractions than her +own. She looked very straight before her with unpitying precision down +the road, on which St Roque's Church and Cottage were becoming already +visible. The whole party were walking briskly over a path hard with +frost, which made their footsteps ring. The air was still with a winterly +touch, benumbed with cold, yet every sound rang sharply through that +clear cloudless atmosphere, reddened without being warmed by the sun as +it approached the west. It was Christmas again, and they were wending +their way towards St Roque's to assist at the holiday decorations, for +which cartloads of laurel and holly had been already deposited within +the church. Lucy Wodehouse was chief directress of these important +operations. Her sister had accompanied her, partly to admire Lucy's +work, and partly to call at the cottage and see how Nettie was going +on. Mr Wodehouse himself had come merely for the pride and pleasure +of seeing how much they were indebted to his little girl; and the +attendance of the curate was most easily explainable. It was, indeed, +astonishing how many extremely necessary and natural "calls of duty" +should bring Mr Wentworth's path parallel to that of the Wodehouses. +This is why they were all proceeding together on this particular +afternoon in the week before Christmas towards St Roque's. + +In the church, when the party arrived, a little group of workers were +busy. The chancel arch was already bristling with glossy holly-leaves. +At a little distance from the active group occupied with this pleasant +work, and full of chatter and consultation, as was natural, stood one +little figure pointing out to two children the wonders of that decorative +art. Every one of the new-comers, except Mr Wodehouse, recognised Nettie +before she was aware of their presence. She stood with her bonnet fallen +a little back, as it generally was, either by encounter of the wind, or +by the quantity and luxuriance of her beautiful hair, looking upwards +to the point where she had directed the children's eyes. She looked a +little forlorn and solitary, as was natural, all by herself, so near +that group of busy girls in the chancel--so little separated from them +by age, so entirely divided by circumstances. If a certain softening of +half-tender pity shone in the curate's eye, could Lucy Wodehouse blame +him? But the fact was, Lucy swept past the little Australian with a very +brief salutation, and burst into sudden criticism of the work that had +been done in her absence, which startled her collaborateurs, while Mr +Wentworth followed her into the chancel with a meekness quite unusual +to that young priest. Nettie noted both circumstances with a little +surprise; but, not connecting them in the most distant degree with +herself, turned round with a little twitch of Freddy's arm to go away, +and in doing so almost walked into the arms of her older and more faithful +friend. Miss Wodehouse kissed her quite suddenly, touching with her +soft old cheek that rounder, fairer, youthful face, which turned, half +wondering, half pleased, with the look of a child, to receive her +caress. Nettie was as unconscious that Miss Wodehouse's unusual warmth +was meant to make up for Lucy's careless greeting, as that Lucy had +passed her with a positive flutter of resentment and indignation, and +that she had been the subject of the conversation and thoughts of all +the party. Miss Wodehouse turned with her, taking Freddy's other hand--a +proceeding to which that hero rather demurred. They went out together +to the frosty road, where the bare willow-branches rustled between +the church and the cottage. When they reached the porch of St Roque's, +Nettie instinctively held her breath, and stood still for a moment. +Along the footpath in front of them a big figure was passing, and beyond +that bearded shadow the doctor's drag flew past with all the separate +tones of the horse's feet, the wheels, the jingle of the harness, ringing +clear through the sharp unsoftened medium of that frosty atmosphere. The +doctor himself had all his attention concentrated upon the windows of +the cottage, in which the sun was blazing red. He did not see Nettie in +the church porch. He was looking for her too intently in the crimsoned +windows, to which he turned his head back as he dashed on. Unawares +Nettie clasped the fingers of her little companion tighter in her hand +as she watched that unexpected homage. The drag was out of sight in +another moment; and in a few seconds more the bell of the cottage pealed +audibly, and the door was heard to open, admitting the Bushman, who had +come upon one of his frequent visits. That last sound disturbed Nettie's +composure, and at the same time brought her back to herself. + +"I cannot ask you to go in, for Mr Chatham is there, and Susan of +course talking to him," said Nettie, with a quiet breath of restrained +impatience, "but I should like to talk to you, please. Let me take the +children home, and then I will walk up with you. Mrs Smith is very kind; +she will take off their things for them: they behave better now, when I +am out for a few minutes--though, to be sure, I never am out much to try +them. Come, children; be good, and do not make a great noise till I come +back." + +"What do you want to talk to _her_ for?" asked the little girl, gazing +coldly in Miss Wodehouse's face. + +"When Nettie went out to tea, we made as much noise as we liked," said +Freddy, "but there was papa there. Now there's only mamma, and she's so +cross. I hate Chatham--mamma is always crossest when Chatham's there. +What do you want to talk to people for, Nettie? Come in, and say there's +to be toast, and let us have tea." + +"We never have any tea till Nettie comes back," added his sister, +looking full once more into Miss Wodehouse's face. The calm childish +impertinence disconcerted that gentle woman. She gazed at the wonderful +creatures with dumb amazement. Her eyes fell before their steady stare. +"I should be sorry to bring you out again, dear, if it's a trouble," +began Miss Wodehouse, turning her face with a sense of relief from the +hard inspection of the children to their little guardian. + +Nettie made no reply, but carried off her children to the cottage door, +turned them peremptorily in, and issued her last orders. "If you make a +noise, you shall not go," said Nettie; and then came back alert, with +her rapid fairy steps, to Miss Wodehouse's side. + +"Does not their mother take any charge of them?" faltered the gentle +inquisitor. "I never can understand you young people, Nettie. Things +were different in my days. Do you think it's quite the best thing to do +other people's duties for them, dear? and now I'm so sorry--oh, so +sorry--to hear what you are going to do now." + +"Susan is delicate," said Nettie. "She never had any health to speak +of--I mean, she always got better, you know, but never had any pleasure in +it. There must be a great deal in that," continued Nettie, reflectively; +"it never comes into my head to think whether I am ill or well; but poor +Susan has always had to be thinking of it. Yes, I shall have to take +them away," she added again, after a pause. "I am sorry, very sorry too, +Miss Wodehouse. I did not think at one time that I had the heart to do +it. But on the whole, you know, it seems so much better for them. Susan +will be stronger out there, and I have not money enough to give the +children a very good education. They will just have to push their way +like the others; and in the colony, you know, things are so different. +I have no doubt in my own mind now that it will be best for them all." + +"But, Nettie, Nettie, what of yourself? will it be best for you?" cried +Miss Wodehouse, looking earnestly in her face. + +"What is best for them will be best for me," said Nettie, with a little +impatient movement of her head. She said so with unfaltering spirit and +promptitude. She had come to be impatient of the dreary maze in which +she was involved. "If one must break one's heart, it is best to do it at +once and have done with it," said Nettie, under her breath. + +"What was that you said about your heart?" said Miss Wodehouse. "Ah, my +dear, that is what I wanted to speak of. You are going to be married, +Nettie, and I wanted to suggest to you, if you won't be angry. Don't you +think you could make some arrangement about your sister and her family, +dear?--not to say a word against the Australian gentleman, Nettie, whom, +of course, I don't know. A man may be the best of husbands, and yet not +be able to put up with a whole family. I have no doubt the children are +very nice clever children, but their manner is odd, you know, for such +young creatures. You have been sacrificing yourself for them all this +time; but remember what I say--if you want to live happily, my dear, +you'll have to sacrifice them to your husband. I could not be content +without saying as much to you, Nettie. I never was half the good in this +world that you are, but I am nearly twice as old--and one does pick up +some little hints on the way. That is what you must do, Nettie. Make +some arrangement, dear. If he has promised to take them out with you, +that is all right enough; but when you come to settle down in your new +home, make some arrangement dear." + +When Miss Wodehouse arrived breathless at the conclusion of a speech so +unusually long for her, she met Nettie's eyes flashing upon her with the +utmost surprise and curiosity. "I shall never marry anybody," said +Nettie. "What do you mean?" + +"Don't say anything so foolish," said Miss Wodehouse, a little nettled. +"Do you suppose I don't know and see _that_ Mr Chatham coming and going? +How often has he been seen since the first time, Nettie? and do you +suppose it's all been benevolence? My dear, I know better." + +Nettie looked up with a startled glance. She did not blush, nor betray +any pleasant consciousness. She cast one dismayed look back towards the +cottage, and another at Miss Wodehouse. "Can _that_ be why he comes?" +said Nettie, with quiet horror. "Indeed, I never thought of it before--but +all the same, I shall never marry anybody. Do you imagine," cried the +brilliant creature, flashing round upon poor Miss Wodehouse, so as to +dazzle and confuse that gentlewoman, "that a man has only to intend +such a thing and it's all settled? I think differently. Twenty thousand +Chathams would not move me. I shall never marry anybody, if I live to be +as old as--as you, or Methuselah, or anybody. It is not my lot. I shall +take the children out to Australia, and do the best I can for them. +Three children want a great deal of looking after--and after a while in +Carlingford, you will all forget that there ever was such a creature as +Nettie. No, I am not crying. I never cry. I should scorn to cry about +it. It is simply _my business_. That is what it is. One is sorry, of +course, and now and then it feels hard, and all that. But what did one +come into the world for, I should like to know? Does anybody suppose +it was just to be comfortable, and have one's own way? I have had my +own way a great deal--more than most people. If I get crossed in some +things, I have to bear it. That is all I am going to say. I have got +other things to do, Miss Wodehouse. I shall never marry anybody all my +life." + +"My dear, if you are thrown upon this Mr Chatham for society all the +time of the voyage, and have nobody else to talk to----" said the +prudent interlocutor. + +"Then we'll go in another ship," cried Nettie, promptly; "that is easily +managed. I know what it is, a long voyage with three children--they fall +up the cabin-stairs, and they fall down the forecastle; and they give +you twenty frights in a day that they will drop overboard. One does not +have much leisure for anything--not even for thinking, which is a comfort +sometimes," added Nettie, confidentially, to herself. + +"It depends upon what you think of, whether thinking is a comfort or +not," said good Miss Wodehouse. "When I think of you young people, and +all the perplexities you get into! There is Lucy now, vexed with Mr +Wentworth about something--oh, nothing worth mentioning; and there was +poor Dr Rider! How he did look behind him, to be sure, as he went past +St Roque's! I daresay it was you he was looking for, Nettie. I wish you +and he could have fancied each other, and come to some arrangement about +poor Mr Fred's family--to give them so much to live on, or something. I +assure you, when I begin to think over such things, and how perverse +both people and circumstances are, thinking is very little comfort to +me." + +Miss Wodehouse drew a long sigh, and was by no means disinclined to cry +over her little companion. Though she was the taller of the two, she +leant upon Nettie's firm little fairy arm as they went up the quiet road. +Already the rapid winter twilight had fallen, and before them, in the +distance, glimmered the lights of Carlingford--foremost among which +shone conspicuous the large placid white lamp (for professional reds and +blues were beneath his dignity) which mounted guard at Dr Marjoribanks's +garden gate. Those lights, beginning to shine through the evening +darkness, gave a wonderful look of home to the place. Instinctively +there occurred to Nettie's mind a vision of how it would be on the sea, +with a wide dark ocean heaving around the solitary speck on its breast. +It did not matter! If a silent sob arose in her heart, it found no +utterance. Might not Edward Rider have made that suggestion which had +occurred only to Miss Wodehouse? Why did it never come into his head +that Susan and her family might have a provision supplied for them, +which would relieve Nettie? He had not thought of it, that was all. +Instead of that, he had accepted the impossibility. Nettie's heart had +grown impatient in the maze of might-be's. She turned her back upon the +lights, and clasped Miss Wodehouse's hand, and said good-night hastily. +She went on by herself very rapidly along the hard gleaming road. She +did not pay any attention to her friend's protestation that she too was +coming back again to St Roque's to join Lucy--on the contrary, Nettie +peremptorily left Miss Wodehouse, shaking hands with her in so resolute +a manner that her gentle adviser felt somehow a kind of necessity upon +her to pursue her way home; and, only when Nettie was nearly out of +sight, turned again with hesitation to retrace her steps towards St +Roque's. Nettie, meanwhile, went on at a pace which Miss Wodehouse could +not possibly have kept up with, clasping her tiny hands together with a +swell of scorn and disdain unusual to it in her heart. Yes! Why did not +Edward Rider propose the "arrangement" which appeared feasible enough to +Miss Wodehouse? Supposing even Nettie had refused to consent to it, as +she might very probably have done with indignation--still, why did it +not occur to Dr Edward? She asked herself the question with a heat and +passion which she found it difficult to account for. She half despised +her lover, as woman will, for obeying her--almost scorned him, as woman +will, for the mere constancy which took no violent measures, but only +suffered and accepted the inevitable. To submit to what cannot be helped +is a woman's part. Nettie, hastening along that familiar path, blazed +into a sudden burst of rage against Edward because he submitted. What he +could do else she was as ignorant of as any unreasonable creature could +be. But that mattered little. With indignation she saw herself standing +on the verge of that domestic precipice, and the doctor looking on, seeing +her glide out of his reach, yet putting forth no violent sudden hand to +detain her. All the impatience of her fiery nature boiled in her veins +as she hasted to the cottage, where Susan was discussing their journey +with her Australian visitor. No remnant of pathos or love-sickening +remained about Nettie, as she flashed in upon them in all her old haste +and self-reliance--resolute to precipitate the catastrophe which nobody +took any measures to prevent. + + + + +CHAPTER XV. + + +It was not long before the doctor was made aware of the ghost in his +troubled path. Nobody in Carlingford could meet the big Bushman in +those streets, which always looked too narrow for him, without a certain +curiosity about that savage man. Dr Rider had observed him with jealous +interest on his very first appearance, but had hitherto connected no +idea but that of a return to Australia, which he felt sure Nettie would +never consent to, with the big stranger. With such a thought he had seen +him making his way towards the cottage that very evening when he himself +turned back, as long as those crimsoned windows were visible, to look +for Nettie, who did not show herself. The doctor was bound to see a +distant patient, miles on the other side of Carlingford. As he dashed +along over the echoing road he had time to imagine to himself how Nettie +might at that very moment be badgered and persecuted; and when he had +seen his patient and done his duty, and with the lamps lighted in the +drag, and the frosty wind blowing keen on his face, and the lights of +Carlingford cheering him on in the distance, was once more returning, an +impatience, somewhat akin to Nettie's, suddenly came upon the doctor. +Akin, yet different; for in his case it was an impulse of sensation, an +inspiration of the exhilarating speed and energy of motion with which he +flew through the bracing air, master of himself, his horse, and the long +sweep of solitary road before him. Again it occurred to Dr Rider to dash +forward to St Roque's and carry off Nettie, oppose it who would. The +idea pleased him as he swept along in the darkness, its very impossibility +making the vision sweeter. To carry her off at a stroke, in glorious +defiance of circumstances, and win happiness and love, whatever might +ensue. In the flush of the moment the doctor suddenly asked himself +whether this, after all, were not the wisest course? whether, whatever +might come of it, happiness was not worth the encounter of the dark +array of troubles behind? and whether to precipitate everything by +a sudden conclusion might not be the best way of solving all the +intricacies of the matter? He was still in this mood when he arrived at +his own house, where dinner, as usual, was not improved by having been +ready for an hour. The lamp was not lighted when he came in, and only +the cold reflection of the street lights outside, with a particoloured +gleam at the corner window from his own red and blue professional ensign +at the surgery door, lighted the solitary little room, where he looked +in vain even for so much as a note or letter to bring some shadow of +human fellowship to his home; the fire smouldering dully, the big chair +turned with a sullen back against the wall, as if nobody ever sat +there--though Nettie had once and for ever appropriated it to her +use--everything in such inhuman trim and good order disgusted the doctor. +He rang his bell violently for the lights and refreshments which were +so slow of coming, and, throwing himself into that chair, bit his nails +and stared out at the lamplight in the rapid access of thought that +came upon him. The first thing that disturbed him in this was the +apparition of a figure outside peering in with some anxiety at the blank +windows--somebody who was evidently curious to know whether the doctor +had yet come home. The unhappy doctor started, and rang his bell once +more with furious iteration. He knew what was coming. Somebody else, +no doubt, had taken ill, without any consideration for young Rider's +dinner, which, however, a man must manage to swallow even when tormented +with importunate patients, and in love. But the knock of the untimely +visitor sounded at the much-assailed door before Mary, sulky and +resistant, had been able to arrange before the hungry doctor the +half-warm half-cold viands which his impatience would not permit to +be duly "heated up;" and he had just seated himself to dispose of the +unsatisfactory meal when the little groom, who was as tired as his +master, opened the door for Mrs Smith from St Roque's. Mrs Smith was a +familiar periodical visitor at Dr Rider's. She had not ceased to hold +to that hasty and unwise financial arrangement into which the doctor +was persuaded to enter when Fred's pipe had exasperated the landlady +into rebellion. He had supplemented the rent at that exciting moment +rather than have Nettie disturbed; and now that poor Fred's pipe was +extinguished for ever, the doctor still paid the imposition demanded +from him--half because he had no time to contest it, half because +it was, however improper and unnecessary, a kind of pleasure to do +something for Nettie, little as she knew and deeply as she would have +resented it. Dr Rider's brows cleared up at sight of Nettie's landlady. +He expected some little private anecdotes of her and her ways, such as +no one else could give him. He gave Mrs Smith a chair with a benignity +to which she had no personal claim. Her arrival made Dr Rider's beefsteak +palatable, though the cookery and condition of the same were, to say the +least, far from perfect. Mrs Smith evidently was a little embarrassed +with the gracious reception she received. She twisted the corner of her +shawl in her fingers as if it had been that apron with which women +of her class habitually relieve their feelings. She was in a false +position. She came with the worst of news to the melancholy lover, and +he treated her as if she brought some special message or favour from the +lady of his thoughts. + +"Well, Mrs Smith, and how are you all at the cottage?" said the doctor, +applying himself leisurely to his beefsteak. + +"Well, doctor, nothing to brag of," said Mrs Smith, fixing her eyes upon +the fringe of her shawl. "I haven't nothing to say that's pleasant, more +the pity. I don' know, sir, how you'll take it when you come to hear; +but it's come very hard upon me. Not for the sake of the lodgings, as'll +let again fast enough, now the poor gentleman's sad fate is partly +forgotten; but you know, doctor, a body gets attached-like when one set +of people stays long enough to feel at home; and there ain't many young +ladies like Miss if you were to search the country through. But, now +she's really give in to it herself, there ain't no more to be said. I +never could bring myself to think Miss would give in till to-night when +she told me; though Smith he always said, when the stranger gentleman +took to coming so constant, as he knew how it would be." + +"For heaven's sake, what do you mean?" cried Dr Rider, pushing away his +plate, and rising hurriedly from that dinner which was fated never to be +eaten. Mrs Smith shook her head and drew out her handkerchief. + +"I know nothing more, doctor, but just they're going off to Australia," +said the landlady, mournfully; "and Miss has started packing the big +boxes as have been in the hattic since ever they come: they're going off +back where they come from--that's all as I know." + +"Impossible!" cried the doctor. + +"I'd have said so myself this morning," said Mrs Smith; "but there ain't +nothing impossible, doctor, as Miss takes in her head. Don't you go and +rush out after her, Dr Rider. I beg of you upon my knees, if it was my +last word! I said to Smith I'd come up and tell the doctor, that he +mightn't hear from nobody promiscuous as couldn't explain, and mightn't +come rushing down to the cottage to know the rights of it and find the +gentleman there unexpected. If there's one thing I'm afeard of, it's a +quarrel between gentlemen in my house. So, doctor, for the love of +peace, don't you go anear the cottage. I'll tell you everything if you +listen to me." + +The doctor, who had snatched up his hat and made a rapid step towards +the door, came back and seized hold of his visitor's shoulder, all his +benignity having been put to flight by her unlooked-for revelation. +"Look here! I want the truth, and no gossip! What do you mean--what +gentleman? What is it all about?" cried Dr Rider, hoarse with sudden +passion. + +"Oh, bless you, doctor, don't blame it upon me, sir," cried Mrs Smith. +"It ain't neither my fault nor my business, but that you've always been +kind, and my heart warms to Miss. It's the gentleman from Australia as +has come and come again; and being an unmarried gentleman, and Miss--you +know what she is, sir--and I ask you, candid, Dr Rider, what was anybody +to suppose?" + +The doctor grew wildly red up to his hair. He bit his lips over some +furious words which Carlingford would have been horrified to hear, and +grasped Mrs Smith's shoulder with a closer pressure. "What did she tell +you?" said the doctor. "Let me have it word for word. Did she say she +was going away?--did she speak of this--this--fellow?" exclaimed the +doctor, with an adjective over which charity drops a tear. "Can't you +tell me without any supposes, what did she say?" + +"I'm not the woman to stand being shook--let me go this minute, sir," +cried Mrs Smith. "The Australian gentleman is a very nice-spoken civil +man, as was always very respectful to me. She came into my back-parlour, +doctor, if you will know so particular--all shining and flashing, like +as she does when something's happened. I don't make no doubt they had +been settling matters, them two, and so I told Smith. 'Mrs Smith,' said +Miss, in her hasty way, enough to catch your breath coming all of a +sudden, 'I can't stand this no longer--I shall have to go away--it ain't +no good resisting.' Them were her very words, Dr Rider. 'Get me out the +big boxes, please,' said Miss. 'It's best done quietly. You must take +your week's notice, Mrs Smith, from this day;' and with that she kept +moving about the room all in a flutter like, not able to rest. 'Do go +and get me out those boxes; there's always a ship on the 24th,' she +says, taking up my knitting and falling to work at it to keep her hands +steady. 'The day afore Christmas!' says I; 'and oh, Miss, it's running +in the face of Providence to sail at this time of the year. You'll have +dreadful weather, as sure as life.' You should have seen her, doctor! +She gave a sort of smile up at me, all flashing as if those eyes of her +were the sides of a lantern, and the light bursting out both there and +all over. 'All the better,' she says, as if she'd have liked to fight +the very wind and sea, and have her own way even there. Bless you, she's +dreadful for having her own way. A good easy gentleman now, as didn't +mind much--Dr Rider--Doctor!--you're not agoing, after all I've told +you? Doctor, doctor, I say----" + +But what Mrs Smith said was inaudible to Edward Rider. The door rang in +her ears as he dashed it after him, leaving her mistress of the field. +There, where he had once left Nettie, he now, all-forgetful of his usual +fastidious dislike of gossip, left Mrs Smith sole occupant of his most +private territories. At this unlooked-for crisis the doctor had neither +a word nor a moment to spend on any one. He rushed out of the house, +oblivious of all those professional necessities which limit the comings +and goings of a doctor in great practice; he did not even know what he +was going to do. Perhaps it was an anxious husband or father whom he all +but upset as he came out, with sudden impetuosity, into the unfrequented +street; but he did not stop to see. Pale and desperate, he faced the +cold wind which rushed up between the blank garden-walls of Grange Lane. +At Mr Wodehouse's door he stumbled against young Wentworth coming out, +and passed him with a muttered exclamation which startled the curate. +All the floating momentary jealousies of the past rushed back upon the +doctor's mind as he passed that tall figure in the wintry road: how he +had snatched Nettie from the vague kindnesses of the young clergyman--the +words he had addressed to her on this very road--the answer she had +given him once, which had driven him wild with passion and resentment. +Impossible! the Australian, it appeared, had found nothing impossible in +those circumstances in which Nettie had intrenched herself. Had the +doctor's wisdom been monstrous folly, and his prudence the blindest +shortsightedness? He asked himself the question as he rushed on towards +that lighted window shining far along the dark road--the same window +which he had seen Nettie's shadow cross, which had been opened to light +poor Fred upon the way he never could tread again. Within that jealous +blind, shining in that softened domestic light, what drama, murderous to +the doctor's peace, might be going on now? + + + + +CHAPTER XVI. + + +Nettie had taken her resolution all at once. Breathless in sudden +conviction, angry, heated, yet seeing in the midst of her excitement no +help but an immediate action, the hasty little woman had darted into the +heart of the difficulty at once. Every moment she lingered wore her out +and disgusted her more with the life and fate which, nevertheless, it +was impossible to abandon or shrink from. Nothing was so safe as to make +matters irrevocable--to plunge over the verge at once. All gleaming with +resolve and animation--with the frosty, chill, exhilarating air which +had kindled the colour in her cheeks and the light in her eyes--with +haste, resentment, every feeling that can quicken the heart and make the +pulses leap--Nettie had flashed into the little parlour, where all was +so quiet and leisurely. There Susan sat in close confabulation with the +Bushman. The children had been banished out of the room, because their +mother's head was not equal to their noise and restlessness. When they +came in with Nettie, as was inevitable, Mrs Fred sustained the invasion +with fretful looks and a certain peevish abstraction. She was evidently +interrupted by the rapid entrance, which was as unwelcome as it was +hasty. Cold though the night was, Mrs Fred, leaning back upon her sofa, +fanned her pink cheeks with her handkerchief, and looked annoyed as +well as disturbed when her children came trooping into the room clamorous +for tea behind the little impetuous figure which at once hushed and +protected them. Susan became silent all at once, sank back on the sofa, +and concealed the faded flush upon her cheeks and the embarrassed +conscious air she wore behind the handkerchief which she used so +assiduously. Neither she nor her visitor took much share in the +conversation that rose round the domestic table. Nettie, too, was +sufficiently absorbed in her own concerns to say little, and nobody +there was sufficiently observant to remark what a sudden breath of +haste and nervous decision inspired the little household ruler as she +dispensed the family bread-and-butter. When tea was over, Nettie sent +her children out of the way with peremptory distinctness, and stayed +behind them to make her communication. If she noticed vaguely a certain +confused impatience and desire to get rid of her in the looks of her +sister and the Australian, she attached no distinct meaning to it, but +spoke out with all the simplicity of an independent power, knowing all +authority and executive force to lie in her own hands alone. + +"When do you think you can be ready to start? My mind is made up. I +shall set to work immediately to prepare," said Nettie. "Now, look here, +Susan: you have been thinking of it for months, so it is not like taking +you by surprise. There is a ship that sails on the 24th. If everything +is packed and ready, will you consent to go on that day?" + +Mrs Fred started with unfeigned surprise, and, not without a little +consternation, turned her eyes towards her friend before answering her +sister. "It is just Nettie's way," cried Susan--"just how she always +does--holds out against you to the very last, and then turns round and +darts off before you can draw your breath. The 24th! and this is the +19th! Of course we can't do it, Nettie. I shall want quantities of +things, and Mr Chatham, you know, is not used to your ways, and can't +be whisked off in a moment whenever you please." + +"I daresay it's very kind of Mr Chatham," said Nettie; "but I can take +you out very well by myself--just as well as I brought you here. And +I can't afford to get you quantities of things, Susan. So please to +understand I am going off to pack up, and on the 24th we shall go." + +Once more, under Nettie's impatient eyes, a look and a smile passed +between her sister and the Australian. Never very patient at any time, +the girl was entirely aggravated out of all toleration now. + +"I can't tell what you may have to smile to each other about," said +Nettie. "It is no very smiling business to me. But since I am driven to +it, I shall go at once or not at all. And so that you understand me, +that is all I want to say." + +With which words she disappeared suddenly to the multitudinous work that +lay before her, thinking as little of Susan's opposition as of the +clamour raised by the children, when the hard sentence of going half +an hour earlier to bed was pronounced upon them. Nettie's haste and +peremptoriness were mixed, if it must be told, with a little resentment +against the world in general. She had ceased being sad--she was roused +and indignant. By the time she had subdued the refractory children, and +disposed of them for the night, those vast Australian boxes, which they +had brought with them across the seas, were placed in the little hall, +under the pale light of the lamp, ready for the process of packing, +into which Nettie plunged without a moment's interval. While Mrs Smith +told Edward Rider her story, Nettie was flying up and down stairs with +armfuls of things to be packed, and pressing Smith himself into her +service. Ere long the hall was piled with heaps of personal property, +ready to be transferred to those big receptacles. In the excitement of +the work her spirit rose. The headlong haste with which she carried on +her operations kept her mind in balance. Once or twice Susan peeped out +from the parlour door, and something like an echo of laughter rang out +into the hall after one of those inspections. Nettie took no notice +either of the look or the laugh. She built in those piles of baggage +with the rapidest symmetrical arrangement, to the admiration of Smith, +who stood wondering by, and did what he could to help her, with troubled +good-nature. She did not stop to make any sentimental reflections, or to +think of the thankless office in which she was about to confirm herself +beyond remedy by this sudden and precipitate step. Thinking had done +Nettie little good hitherto. She felt herself on her true ground again, +when she took to doing instead. The lamp burned dimly overhead, throwing +down a light confused with frost upon the hall, all encumbered with +the goods of the wandering family. Perhaps it was with a certain +unconscious symbolism that Nettie buried her own personal wardrobe +deep in the lowest depths, making that the foundation for all the after +superstructure. Smith stood by, ready to hand her anything she might +want, gazing at her with doubtful amazement. The idea of setting off to +Australia at a few days' notice filled him with respect and admiration. + +"A matter of a three months' voyage," said Smith; "and if I might make +bold to ask, Miss, if the weather ain't too bad for anything, how will +you pass away the time on board ship when there ain't nobody to speak +to?--but, to be sure, the gentleman----" + +"The gentleman is not going with us," said Nettie, peremptorily--"and +there are the children to pass away the time. My time passes too quick, +whatever other people's may do. Where is Mrs Smith, that I see nothing +of her to-night? Gone out!--how very odd she should go out now, of all +times in the world. Where has she gone, do you suppose? Not to be +ungrateful to you, who are very kind, a woman is, of course, twenty +times the use a man is, in most things. Thank you--not that; those +coloured frocks now--there! that bundle with the pink and the blue. One +would suppose that even a man might know coloured frocks when he saw +them," said Nettie, with despairing resignation, springing up from her +knees to seize what she wanted. "Thank you--I think, perhaps, if you +would just go and make yourself comfortable, and read your paper, I +should get on better. I am not used to having anybody to help me. I +got on quite as well, thank you, by myself." + +Smith withdrew, not without some confusion and discomfort, to his +condemned cell, and Nettie went on silent and swift with her labours. +"Quite as well! better!" said Nettie to herself. "Other people never +will understand. Now, I know better than to try anybody." If that hasty +breath was a sigh, there was little sound of sorrow in it. It was a +little gust of impatience, indignation, intolerance even, and hasty +self-assertion. She alone knew what she could do, and must do. Not one +other soul in the world beside could enter into her inevitable work and +way. + +Nettie did not hear the footstep which she might have recognised ringing +rapidly down the frosty road. She was too busy rustling about with +perpetual motion, folding and refolding, and smoothing into miraculous +compactness all the heterogeneous elements of that mass. When a sudden +knock came to the door she started, struck with alarm, then paused a +moment, looking round her, and perceiving at one hasty glance that nobody +could possibly enter without seeing both herself and her occupation, +made one prompt step to the door, which nobody appeared to open. It was +Mrs Smith, no doubt; but the sudden breathless flutter which came upon +Nettie cast doubts upon that rapid conclusion. She opened it quickly, +with a certain breathless, sudden promptitude, and looked out pale and +dauntless, understanding by instinct that some new trial to her fortitude +was there. On the other hand, Edward Rider pressed in suddenly, almost +without perceiving it was Nettie. They were both standing in the hall +together, before they fully recognised each other. Then the doctor, +gazing round him at the unusual confusion, gave an involuntary groan out +of the depths of his heart. "Then it is true!" said Dr Rider. He stood +among the chaos, and saw all his own dreams broken up and shattered in +pieces. Even passion failed him in that first bitterness of conviction. +Nettie stood opposite, with the sleeves of her black dress turned up +from her little white nimble wrists, her hair pushed back from her +cheeks, pushed quite behind one delicate ear, her eyes shining with all +those lights of energy and purpose which came to them as soon as she +took up her own character again. She met his eye with a little air of +defiance, involuntary, and almost unconscious. "It is quite true," said +Nettie, bursting forth in sudden self-justification; "I have my work to +do, and I must do it as best I can. I cannot keep considering you all, +and losing my life. I must do what God has given me to do, or I must +die." + +Never had Nettie been so near breaking down, and falling into sudden +womanish tears and despair. She would not yield to the overpowering +momentary passion. She clutched at the bundle of frocks again, and made +room for them spasmodically in the box which she had already packed. +Edward Rider stood silent, gazing at her as in her sudden anguish Nettie +pulled down and reconstructed that curious honeycomb. But he had not come +here merely to gaze, while the catastrophe was preparing. He went up and +seized her busy hands, raised her up in spite of her resistance, and +thrust away, with an exclamation of disgust, that great box in which all +his hopes were being packed away. "There is first a question to settle +between you and me," cried the doctor: "you shall not do it. No; I +forbid it, Nettie. Because you are wilful," cried Edward Rider, hoarse +and violent, grasping the hands tighter, with a strain in which other +passions than love mingled, "am I to give up all the rights of a man? +You are going away without even giving me just warning--without a word, +without a sign; and you think I will permit it, Nettie? Never--by +heaven!" + +"Dr Edward," said Nettie, trembling, half with terror, half with +resolution, "you have no authority over me. We are two people--we are +not one. I should not have gone away without a word or a sign. I should +have said good-bye to you, whatever had happened; but that is different +from permitting or forbidding. Let us say good-bye now and get it over, +if that will please you better," she cried, drawing her hands from his +grasp; "but I do not interfere with your business, and I must do mine my +own way." + +The doctor was in no mood to argue. He thrust the big box she had packed +away into a corner, and closed it with a vindictive clang. It gave him a +little room to move in that little commonplace hall, with its dim lamp, +which had witnessed so many of the most memorable scenes of his life. +"Look here," cried Dr Rider; "authority has little to do with it. If you +had been my wife, Nettie, to be sure you could not have deserted me. It +is as great a cruelty--it is as hard upon me, this you are trying to do. +I have submitted hitherto, and heaven knows it has been bitter enough; +and you scorn me for my submission," said the doctor, making the discovery +by instinct. "When a fellow obeys you, it is only contempt you feel for +him; but I tell you, Nettie, I will bear it no longer. You shall not go +away. This is not to be. I will neither say good-bye, nor think of it. +What is your business is my business; and I declare to you, you shall +not go unless I go too. Ah--I forgot. They tell me there is a fellow, an +Australian, who ventures to pretend--I don't mean to say I believe it. +You think _he_ will not object to your burdens! Nettie! Don't let us +kill each other. Let us take all the world on our shoulders," cried the +doctor, drawing near again, with passionate looks, "rather than part!" + +There was a pause--neither of them could speak at that moment. Nettie, +who felt her resolution going, her heart melting, yet knew she dared not +give way, clasped her hands tight in each other and stood trembling, +yet refusing to tremble; collecting her voice and thoughts. The doctor +occupied that moment of suspense in a way which might have looked +ludicrous in other circumstances, but was a relief to the passion that +possessed him. He dragged the other vast Australian box to the same +corner where he had set the first, and piled them one above the other. +Then he collected with awkward care all the heaps of garments which lay +about, and carried them off in the other direction to the stairs, where +he laid them carefully with a clumsy tenderness. When he had swept away +all these encumbrances, as by a sudden gust of wind, he came back to +Nettie, and once more clasped the firm hands which held each other fast. +She broke away from him with a sudden cry-- + +"You acknowledged it was impossible!" cried Nettie. "It is not my doing, +or anybody's; no one shall take the world on his shoulders for my sake--I +ask nobody to bear my burdens. Thank you for not believing it--that is a +comfort at least. Never, surely, any one else--and not you, not you! Dr +Edward, let us make an end of it. I will never consent to put my yoke +upon your shoulders, but I--I will never forget you or blame you--any +more. It is all hard, but we cannot help it. Good-bye--don't make it +harder, you, who are the only one that----; good-bye,--no more--don't +say any more." + +At this moment the parlour door opened suddenly; Nettie's trembling +mouth and frame, and the wild protest and contradiction which were +bursting from the lips of the doctor, were lost upon the spectator +absorbed in her own affairs, and full of excitement on her own account, +who looked out. "Perhaps Mr Edward will walk in," said Mrs Fred. "Now he +is here to witness what I mean, I should like to speak to you, please, +Nettie. I did not think I should ever appeal to you, Mr Edward, against +Nettie's wilfulness--but, really now, we, none of us, can put up with it +any longer. Please to walk in and hear what I've got to say." + +The big Bushman stood before the little fire in the parlour, extinguishing +its tiny glow with his vast shadow. The lamp burned dimly upon the table. +A certain air of confusion was in the room. Perhaps it was because +Nettie had already swept her own particular belongings out of that +apartment, which once, to the doctor's eyes, had breathed of her +presence in every corner--but it did not look like Nettie's parlour +to-night. Mrs Fred, with the broad white bands of her cap streaming over +her black dress, had just assumed her place on the sofa, which was her +domestic throne. Nettie, much startled and taken by surprise, stood +by the table, waiting with a certain air of wondering impatience what +was to be said to her--with still the sleeves turned up from her tiny +wrists, and her fingers unconsciously busy expressing her restless +intolerance of this delay by a hundred involuntary tricks and movements. +The doctor stood close by her, looking only at Nettie, watching her with +eyes intent as if she might suddenly disappear from under his very gaze. +As for the Australian, he stood uneasy under Nettie's rapid investigating +glance, and the slower survey which Dr Rider made on entering. He plucked +at his big beard, and spread out his large person with a confusion and +embarrassment rather more than merely belonged to the stranger in a +family party; while Mrs Fred, upon her sofa, took up her handkerchief +and once more began to fan her pink cheeks. What was coming? After a +moment's pause, upon which Nettie could scarcely keep herself from +breaking, Susan spoke. + +"Nettie has always had the upper hand so much that she thinks I am +always to do exactly as she pleases," burst forth Mrs Fred; "and I don't +doubt poor Fred encouraged her in it, because he felt he was obliged to +my family, and always gave in to her; but now I have somebody to stand +by me," added Susan, fanning still more violently, and with a sound in +her voice which betrayed a possibility of tears--"now I have somebody to +stand by me--I tell you once for all, Nettie, I will not go on the +24th." + +Nettie gazed at her sister in silence without attempting to say anything. +Then she lifted her eyes inquiringly to the Australian, in his uneasy +spectator position before the fire. She was not much discomposed, +evidently, by that sudden assertion of will--possibly Nettie was used to +it--but she looked curious and roused, and rather eager to know what was +it now? + +"I will not go on the 24th," cried Mrs Fred, with a hysterical toss of +her head. "I will not be treated like a child, and told to get ready +whenever Nettie pleases. She pretends it is all for our sake, but it is +for the sake of having her own will, and because she has taken a sudden +disgust at something. I asked you in, Mr Edward, because you are her +friend, and because you are the children's uncle, and ought to know how +they are provided for. Mr Chatham and I," said Susan, overcome by her +feelings, and agitating the handkerchief violently, "have settled--to +be--married first before we set out." + +If a shell had fallen in the peaceful apartment, the effect could not +have been more startling. The two who had been called in to receive +that intimation, and who up to this moment had been standing together +listening languidly enough, too much absorbed in the matter between +themselves to be very deeply concerned about anything Mrs Fred could say +or do, fell suddenly apart with the wildest amazement in their looks. +"Susan, you are mad!" cried Nettie, gazing aghast at her sister, with +an air of mingled astonishment and incredulity. The doctor, too much +excited to receive with ordinary decorum information so important, made +a sudden step up to the big embarrassed Australian, who stood before the +fire gazing into vacancy, and looking the very embodiment of conscious +awkwardness. Dr Rider stretched out both his hands and grasped the +gigantic fist of the Bushman with an effusion which took that worthy +altogether by surprise. "My dear fellow, I wish you joy--I wish you +joy. Anything I can be of use to you in, command me!" cried the doctor, +with a suppressed shout of half-incredulous triumph. Then he returned +restlessly towards Nettie--they all turned to her with instinctive +curiosity. Never in all her troubles had Nettie been so pale; she looked +in her sister's face with a kind of despair. + +"Is this _true_, Susan?" she said, with a sorrowful wonder as different +as possible from the doctor's joyful surprise--"not something said to +vex us--really true? And this has been going on, and I knew nothing of +it; and all this time you have been urging me to go back to the +colony--_me_--as if you had no other thoughts. If you had made up your +mind to this, what was the use of driving me desperate?" cried Nettie, +in a sudden outburst of that incomprehension which aches in generous +hearts. Then she stopped suddenly and looked from her sister, uttering +suppressed sobs, and hiding her face in her handkerchief on the sofa, +to the Australian before the fire. "What is the good of talking?" said +Nettie, with a certain indignant impatient indulgence, coming to an abrupt +conclusion. Nobody knew so well as she did how utterly useless it was to +remonstrate or complain. She dropt into the nearest chair, and began +with hasty tremulous hands to smooth down the cuffs of her black sleeves. +In the bitterness of the moment it was not the sudden deliverance, but +the heartlessness and domestic treachery that struck Nettie. She, the +champion and defender of this helpless family for years--who had given +them bread, and served it to them with her own cheerful unwearied +hands--who had protected as well as provided for them in her dauntless +innocence and youth. When she was thus cast off on the brink of the +costliest sacrifice of all, it was not the delightful sensation of +freedom which occurred to Nettie. She fell back with a silent pang of +injury swelling in her heart, and, all tremulous and hasty, gave her +agitated attention to the simple act of smoothing down her sleeves--a +simple but symbolical act, which conveyed a world of meaning to the mind +of the doctor as he stood watching her. The work she had meant to do was +over. Nettie's occupation was gone. With the next act of the domestic +drama she had nothing to do. For the first time in her life utterly +vanquished, with silent promptitude she abdicated on the instant. She +seemed unable to strike a blow for the leadership thus snatched from her +hands. With proud surprise and magnanimity she withdrew, forbearing even +the useless reproaches of which she had impatiently asked, "What was the +good?" Never abdicated emperor laid aside his robes with more ominous +significance, than Nettie, with fingers trembling between haste and +agitation, smoothed down round her shapely wrists those turned-up +sleeves. + +The doctor's better genius saved him from driving the indignant Titania +desperate at that critical moment by any ill-advised rejoicings; and the +sight of Nettie's agitation so far calmed Dr Rider that he made the most +sober and decorous congratulations to the sister-in-law, whom for the +first time he felt grateful to. Perhaps, had he been less absorbed in +his own affairs, he could scarcely have failed to remember how, not yet +a year ago, the shabby form of Fred lay on that same sofa from which +Susan had announced her new prospects; but in this unexampled revolution +of affairs no thought of Fred disturbed his brother, whose mind was +thoroughly occupied with the sudden tumult of his own hopes. "Oh yes, I +hope I shall be happy at last. After all my troubles, I have to look to +myself, Mr Edward; and your poor brother would have been the last to +blame me," sobbed Mrs Fred, with involuntary self-vindication. Then +followed a pause. The change was too sudden and extraordinary, and +involved results too deeply important to every individual present, to +make words possible. Mrs Fred, with her face buried in her handkerchief, +and Nettie, her whole frame thrilling with mortification and failure, +tremulously trying to button her sleeves, and bestowing her whole mind +upon that operation, were discouraging interlocutors; and after the +doctor and the Bushman had shaken hands, their powers of communication +were exhausted. The silence was at length broken by the Australian, who, +clearing his voice between every three words, delivered his embarrassed +sentiments as follows:-- + +"I trust, Miss Nettie, you'll not think you've been unfairly dealt by, +or that any change is necessary so far as you are concerned. Of course," +said Mr Chatham, growing red, and plucking at his beard, "neither your +sister nor I--found out--till quite lately--how things were going to be; +and as for you making any change in consequence, or thinking we could be +anything but glad to have you with us----" + +Here the alarming countenance of Nettie, who had left off buttoning her +sleeves, brought her new relation to a sudden stop. Under the blaze of +her inquiring eyes the Bushman could go no farther. He looked at Susan +for assistance, but Susan was still absorbed in her handkerchief; and +while he paused for expression, the little abdicated monarch took up the +broken thread. + +"Thank you," said Nettie, rising suddenly; "I knew you were honest. It +is very good of you, too, to be glad to have me with you. You don't know +any better. I'm abdicated, Mr Chatham; but because it's rather startling +to have one's business taken out of one's hands like this, it will be +very kind of everybody not to say anything more to-night. I don't quite +understand it all just at this moment. Good-night, Dr Edward. We can +talk to-morrow, please; not to-night. You surely understand me, don't +you? When one's life is changed all in a moment, one does not exactly +see where one is standing just at once. Good-night. I mean what I say," +she continued, holding her head high with restrained excitement, and +trying to conceal the nervous agitation which possessed her as the +doctor hastened before her to open the door. "Don't come after me, +please; don't say anything; I cannot bear any more to-night." + +"But to-morrow," said the doctor, holding fast the trembling hand. Nettie +was too much overstrained and excited to speak more. A single sudden sob +burst from her as she drew her hand out of his, and disappeared like a +flying sprite. The doctor saw the heaving of her breast, the height of +self-restraint which could go no further. He went back into the parlour +like a true lover, and spied no more upon Nettie's hour of weakness. +Without her, it looked a vulgar scene enough in that little sitting-room, +from which the smoke of Fred's pipe had never fairly disappeared, and +where Fred himself had lain in dismal state. Dr Rider said a hasty +good-night to Fred's successor, and went off hurriedly into the changed +world which surrounded that unconscious cottage. Though the frost had +not relaxed, and the air breathed no balm, no sudden leap from December +to June could have changed the atmosphere so entirely to the excited +wayfarer who traced back the joyful path towards the lights of Carlingford +twinkling brilliant through the Christmas frost. As he paused to look +back upon that house which now contained all his hopes, a sudden shadow +appeared at a lighted window, looking out. Nettie could not see the +owner of the footsteps which moved her to that sudden involuntary +expression of what was in her thoughts, but he could see her standing +full in the light, and the sight went to the doctor's heart. He took off +his hat insanely in the darkness and waved his hand to her, though she +could not see him; and, after the shadow had disappeared, continued to +stand watching with tender folly if perhaps some indication of Nettie's +presence might again reveal itself. He walked upon air as he went back, +at last, cold but joyful, through the blank solitude of Grange Lane. +Nothing could have come amiss to the doctor in that dawn of happiness. +He could have found it in his heart to mount his drag again and drive +ten miles in celestial patience at the call of any capricious invalid. +He was half-disappointed to find no summons awaiting him when he went +home--no outlet for the universal charity and loving-kindness that +possessed him. Instead, he set his easy-chair tenderly by the side of +the blazing fire, and, drawing another chair opposite, gazed with secret +smiles at the visionary Nettie, who once had taken up her position +there. Was it by prophetic instinct that the little colonial girl, whose +first appearance so discomposed the doctor, had assumed that place? +Dr Rider contemplated the empty chair with smiles that would have +compromised his character for sanity with any uninstructed observer. +When the mournful Mary disturbed his reverie by her noiseless and +penitent entrance with the little supper which she meant at once for +a peace-offering and compensation for the dinner lost, she carried +down-stairs with her a vivid impression that somebody had left her +master a fortune. Under such beatific circumstances closed the evening +that had opened amid such clouds. Henceforth, so far as the doctor could +read the future, no difficulties but those common to all wooers beset +the course of his true love. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII. + + +When the red gleams of the early sunshine shone into that window from +which Nettie had looked out last night, the wintry light came in with +agitating revelations not simply upon another morning, but upon a new +world. As usual, Nettie's thoughts were expressed in things tangible. +She had risen from her sleepless bed while it was still almost dark, and +to look at her now, a stranger might have supposed her to be proceeding +with her last night's work with the constancy of a monomaniac. Little +Freddy sat up in his crib rubbing his eyes and marvelling what Nettie +could be about, as indeed anybody might have marvelled. With all those +boxes and drawers about, and heaps of personal belongings, what was she +going to do? She could not have answered the question without pain; but +had you waited long enough, Nettie's object would have been apparent. +Not entirely free of that air of agitated haste--not recovered from the +excitement of this discovery, she was relieving her restless activity by +a significant rearrangement of all the possessions of the family. She +was separating with rapid fingers those stores which had hitherto lain +lovingly together common property. For the first time for years Nettie +had set herself to discriminate what belonged to herself from the general +store; and, perhaps by way of softening that disjunction, was separating +into harmonious order the little wardrobes which were no longer to be +under her charge. Freddy opened his eyes to see all his own special +belongings, articles which he recognised with all the tenacious +proprietorship of childhood, going into one little box by themselves in +dreadful isolation. The child did not know what horrible sentence might +have been passed upon him while he slept. He gazed at those swift +inexorable fingers with the gradual sob rising in his poor little breast. +That silent tempest heaved and rose as he saw all the well-known items +following each other; and when his last new acquisition, the latest +addition to his wardrobe, lay solemnly smoothed down upon the top, +Freddy's patience could bear no more. Bursting into a long howl of +affliction, he called aloud upon Nettie to explain that mystery. Was he +going to be sent away? Was some mysterious executioner, black man, or +other horrid vision of fate, coming for the victim? Freddy's appeal +roused from her work the abdicated family sovereign. "If I'm to be sent +away, I shan't go!" cried Freddy. "I'll run off and come back again. I +shan't go anywhere unless you go, Nettie. I'll hold on so fast, you can't +put me away; and, oh, I'll be good!--I'll be so good!" Nettie, who was +not much given to caresses, came up and put sudden arms round her special +nursling. She laid her cheek to his, with a little outbreak of natural +emotion. "It is I who am to be sent away!" cried Nettie, yielding for a +moment to the natural bitterness. Then she bethought herself of certain +thoughts of comfort which had not failed to interject themselves into +her heart, and withdrew with a little precipitation, alarmed by the +inconsistency--the insincerity of her feelings. "Get up, Freddy; you are +not going away, except home to the colony, where you want to go," she +said. "Be good, all the same; for you know you must not trouble mamma. +And make haste, and don't be always calling for Nettie. Don't you know +you must do without Nettie some time? Jump up, and be a man." + +"When I am a man, I shan't want you," said Freddy, getting up with +reluctance; "but I can't be a man now. And what am I to do with the +buttons if you won't help me? I shall not have buttons like those when +I am a man." + +It was not in human nature to refrain from giving the little savage an +admonitory shake. "That is all I am good for--nothing but buttons!" said +Nettie, with whimsical mortification. When they went down to breakfast, +she sent the child before her, and came last instead of first, waiting +till they were all assembled. Mrs Fred watched her advent with apprehensive +eyes. Thinking it over after her first triumph, it occurred to Mrs Fred +that the loss of Nettie would make a serious difference to her own +comfort. Who was to take charge of the children, and conduct those +vulgar affairs for which Susan's feelings disqualified her? She did her +best to decipher the pale face which appeared over the breakfast cups +and saucers opposite. What did Nettie mean to do? Susan revolved the +question in considerable panic, seeing but too clearly that the firm +little hand no longer trembled, and that Nettie was absorbed by her own +thoughts--thoughts with which her present companions had but little to +do. Mrs Fred essayed another stroke. + +"Perhaps I was hasty, Nettie, last night; but Richard, you know, poor +fellow," said Susan, "was not to be put off. It won't make any difference +between you and me, Nettie dear? We have always been so united, whatever +has happened; and the children are so fond of you; and as for me," +said Mrs Fred, putting back the strings of her cap, and pressing her +handkerchief upon her eyes, "with my health, and after all I have gone +through, how I could ever exist without you, I can't tell; and Richard +will be so pleased----" + +"I don't want to hear anything about Richard, please," said Nettie--"not +so far as I am concerned. I should have taken you out, and taken care of +you, had you chosen me; but you can't have two people, you know. One is +enough for anybody. Never mind what we are talking about, Freddy. It is +only your buttons--nothing else. As long as you were my business, I +should have scorned to complain," said Nettie, with a little quiver +of her lip. "Nothing would have made me forsake you, or leave you to +yourself; but now you are somebody else's business; and to speak of it +making no difference, and Richard being pleased, and so forth, as if +I had nothing else to do in the world, and wanted to go back to the +colony! It is simply not my business any longer," cried Nettie, rising +impatiently from her chair--"that is all that can be said. But I shan't +desert you till I deliver you over to my successor, Susan--don't fear." + +"Then you don't feel any love for us, Nettie! It was only because you +could not help it. Children, Nettie is going to leave us," said Mrs +Fred, in a lamentable voice. + +"Then who is to be instead of Nettie? Oh, look here--I know--it's +Chatham," said the little girl. + +"I hate Chatham," said Freddy, with a little shriek. "I shall go where +Nettie goes--all my things are in my box. Nettie is going to take me; +she loves me best of you all. I'll kick Chatham if he touches me." + +"Why can't some one tell Nettie she's to go too?" said the eldest boy. +"She's most good of all. What does Nettie want to go away for? But I +don't mind; for we have to do what Nettie tells us, and nobody cares +for Chatham," cried the sweet child, making a triumphant somersault out +of his chair. Nettie stood looking on, without attempting to stop the +tumult which arose. She left them with their mother, after a few minutes, +and went out to breathe the outside air, where at least there was quiet +and freedom. To think as she went out into the red morning sunshine +that her old life was over, made Nettie's head swim with bewildering +giddiness. She went up softly, like a creature in a dream, past St +Roque's, where already the Christmas decorators had begun their pretty +work--that work which, several ages ago, being yesterday, Nettie had +taken the children in to see. Of all things that had happened between +that moment and this, perhaps the impulse of escaping out into the open +air without anything to do, was one of the most miraculous. Insensibly +Nettie's footsteps quickened as she became aware of that extraordinary +fact. The hour, the temperature, the customs of her life, were equally +against such an indulgence. It was a comfort to recollect that, though +everything else in the universe was altered, the family must still have +some dinner, and that it was as easy to think while walking to the +butcher's as while idling and doing nothing. She went up, accordingly, +towards Grange Lane, in a kind of wistful solitude, drifted apart from +her former life, and not yet definitely attached to any other, feeling +as though the few passengers she met must perceive in her face that her +whole fortune was changed. It was hard for Nettie to realise that she +could do absolutely nothing at this moment, and still harder for her to +think that her fate lay undecided in Edward Rider's hands. Though she +had not a doubt of him, yet the mere fact that it was he who must take +the first step was somewhat galling to the pride and temper of the +little autocrat. Before she had reached the butcher, or even come near +enough to recognise Lucy Wodehouse, where she stood at the garden gate, +setting out for St Roque's, Nettie heard the headlong wheels of something +approaching which had not yet come in sight. She wound herself up in a +kind of nervous desperation for the encounter that was coming. No need +to warn her who it was. Nobody but the doctor flying upon wings of haste +and love could drive in that break-neck fashion down the respectable +streets of Carlingford. Here he came sweeping round that corner at the +Blue Boar, where Nettie herself had once mounted the drag, and plunged +down Grange Lane in a maze of speed which confused horse, vehicle, and +driver in one indistinct gleaming circle to the excited eyes of the +spectator, who forced herself to go on, facing them with an exertion +of all her powers, and strenuous resistance of the impulse to turn and +escape. Why should Nettie escape?--it must be decided one way or other. +She held on dimly with rapid trembling steps. To her own agitated mind, +Nettie, herself, left adrift and companionless, seemed the suitor. The +only remnants of her natural force that remained to her united in the +one resolution not to run away. + +It was well for the doctor that his little groom had the eyes and activity +of a monkey, and knew the exact moment at which to dart forward and +catch the reins which his master flung at him, almost without pausing in +his perilous career. The doctor made a leap out of the drag, which was +more like that of a mad adventurer than a man whose business it was to +keep other people's limbs in due repair. Before Nettie was aware that he +had stopped, he was by her side. + +"Dr Edward," she exclaimed, breathlessly, "hear me first! Now I am left +unrestrained, but I am not without resources. Don't think you are bound +in honour to say anything over again. What may have gone before I forget +now. I will not hold you to your word. You are not to have pity upon +me!" cried Nettie, not well aware what she was saying. The doctor drew +her arm into his; found out, sorely against her will, that she was +trembling, and held her fast, not without a sympathetic tremor in the +arm on which she was constrained to lean. + +"But I hold you to yours!" said the doctor; "there has not been any +obstacle between us for months but this; and now it is gone, do you +think I will forget what you have said, Nettie? You told me it was +impossible once----" + +"And you did not contradict me, Dr Edward," said the wilful creature, +withdrawing her hand from his arm. "I can walk very well by myself, +thank you. You did not contradict me! You were content to submit to what +could not be helped. And so am I. An obstacle which is only removed by +Richard Chatham," said Nettie, with female cruelty, turning her eyes +full and suddenly upon her unhappy lover, "does not count for much. I do +not hold you to anything. We are both free." + +What dismayed answer the doctor might have made to this heartless speech +can never be known. He was so entirely taken aback that he paused, +clearing his throat with but one amazed exclamation of her name; but +before his astonishment and indignation had shaped itself into words, +their interview was interrupted. An irregular patter of hasty little +steps, and outcries of a childish voice behind, had not caught the +attention of either in that moment of excitement; but just as Nettie +delivered this cruel outbreak of feminine pride and self-assertion, +the little pursuing figure made up to them, and plunged at her dress. +Freddy, in primitive unconcern for anybody but himself, rushed +head-foremost between these two at the critical instant. He made a +clutch at Nettie with one hand, and with all the force of the other +thrust away the astonished doctor. Freddy's errand was of life or death. + +"I shan't go with any one but Nettie," cried the child, clinging to her +dress. "I hate Chatham and everybody. I will jump into the sea and swim +back again. I will never, never leave go of her, if you should cut my +hands off. Nettie! Nettie!--take me with you. Let me go where you are +going! I will never be naughty any more! I will never, never go away +till Nettie goes! I love Nettie best! Go away, all of you!" cried Freddy, +in desperation, pushing off the doctor with hands and feet alike. "I +will stay with Nettie. Nobody loves Nettie but me." + +Nettie had no power left to resist this new assault. She dropped down +on one knee beside the child, and clasped him to her in a passion of +restrained tears and sobbing. The emotion which her pride would not +permit her to show before, the gathering agitation of the whole morning +broke forth at this irresistible touch. She held Freddy close and +supported herself by him, leaning all her troubled heart and trembling +frame upon the little figure which clung to her bewildered, suddenly +growing silent and afraid in that passionate grasp. Freddy spoke no +more, but turned his frightened eyes upon the doctor, trembling with the +great throbs of Nettie's breast. In the early wintry sunshine, on the +quiet rural highroad, that climax of the gathering emotion of years +befell Nettie. She could exercise no further self-control. She could +only hide her face, that no one might see, and close her quivering lips +tight that no one might hear the bursting forth of her heart. No one was +there either to hear or see--nobody but Edward Rider, who stood bending +with sorrowful tenderness over the wilful fairy creature, whose words of +defiance had scarcely died from her lips. It was Freddy, and not the +doctor, who had vanquished Nettie; but the insulted lover came in for +his revenge. Dr Rider raised her up quietly, asking no leave, and lifted +her into the drag, where Nettie had been before, and where Freddy, elated +and joyful, took his place beside the groom, convinced that he was to go +now with the only true guardian his little life had known. The doctor +drove down that familiar road as slowly as he had dashed furiously up to +it. He took quiet possession of the agitated trembling creature who had +carried her empire over herself too far. At last Nettie had broken down; +and now he had it all his own way. + +When they came to the cottage, Mrs Fred, whom excitement had raised to +a troublesome activity, came eagerly out to the door to see what had +happened; and the two children, who, emancipated from all control, were +sliding down the banisters of the stair, one after the other, in wild +glee and recklessness, paused in their dangerous amusement to watch the +new arrival. "Oh! look here; Nettie's crying!" said one to the other, +with calm observation. The words brought Nettie to herself. + +"I am not crying now," she said, waking into sudden strength. "Do you +want to get them killed before they go away, all you people? Susan, go +in, and never mind. I was not--not quite well out of doors; but I don't +mean to suffer this, you know, as long as I am beside them. Dr Edward, +come in. I have something to say to you. We have nowhere to speak to +each other but here," said Nettie, pausing in the little hall, from +which that childish tumult had died away in sudden awe of her presence; +"but we have spoken to each other here before now. I did not mean to +vex you then--at least, I did mean to vex you, but nothing more." Here +she paused with a sob, the echo of her past trouble breaking upon her +words, as happened from time to time, like the passion of a child; then +burst forth again a moment after in a sudden question. "Will you let me +have Freddy?" she cried, surrendering at discretion, and looking eagerly +up in the doctor's face; "if they will leave him, may I keep him with +me?" + +It is unnecessary to record the doctor's answer. He would have +swallowed not Fred only, but Mrs Fred and the entire family, had that +gulp been needful to satisfy Nettie, but was not sufficiently blinded +to his own interests to grant this except under certain conditions +satisfactory to himself. When the doctor mounted the drag again he +drove away into Elysium, with a smiling Cupid behind him, instead of +the little groom who had been his unconscious master's confidant so +long, and had watched the fluctuations of his wooing with such lively +curiosity. Those patients who had paid for Dr Rider's disappointments in +many a violent prescription, got compensation to-day in honeyed draughts +and hopeful prognostications. Wherever the doctor went he saw a vision +of that little drooping head, reposing, after all the agitation of the +morning, in the silence and rest he had enjoined, with brilliant eyes, +half-veiled, shining with thoughts in which he had the greatest share; +and, with that picture before his eyes, went flashing along the wintry +road with secret smiles, and carried hope wherever he went. Of course it +was the merest fallacy, so far as Nettie's immediate occupation was +concerned. That restless little woman had twenty times too much to +do to think of rest--more to do than ever in all the suddenly-changed +preparations which fell upon her busy hands. But the doctor kept his +imagination all the same, and pleased himself with thoughts of her +reposing in a visionary tranquillity, which, wherever it was to be +found, certainly did not exist in St Roque's Cottage, in that sudden +tumult of new events and hopes. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII. + + +"I always thought there was good in him by his looks," said Miss +Wodehouse, standing in the porch of St Roque's, after the wedding-party +had gone away. "To think he should have come in such a sweet way and +married Mrs Fred! just what we all were wishing for, if we could have +ventured to think it possible. Indeed, I should have liked to have given +Mr Chatham a little present, just to mark my sense of his goodness. Poor +man! I wonder if he repents----" + +"It is to be hoped not yet," said Lucy, hurrying her sister away before +Mr Wentworth could come out and join them; for affairs were seriously +compromised between the perpetual curate and the object of his affections; +and Lucy exhibited a certain acerbity under the circumstances which +somewhat amazed the tender-hearted old maid. + +"When people do repent, my belief is that they do it directly," said +Miss Wodehouse. "I daresay he can see what she is already, poor man; and +I hope, Lucy, it won't drive him into bad ways. As for Nettie, I am not +at all afraid about her. Even if they should happen to quarrel, you +know, things will always come right. I am glad they were not married +both at the same time. Nettie has such sense! and of course, though it +was the very best thing that could happen, and a great relief to everybody +concerned, to be sure, one could not help being disgusted with that +woman. And it is such a comfort they're going away. Nettie says----" + +"Don't you think you could walk a little quicker? there is somebody in +Grove Street that I have to see," said Lucy, not so much interested as +her sister; "and papa will be home at one to lunch." + +"Then I shall go on, dear, if you have no objection, and ask when the +doctor and Nettie are coming home," said Miss Wodehouse, "and take poor +little Freddy the cakes I promised him. Poor child! to have his mother +go off and marry and leave him. Never mind me, Lucy, dear; I do not walk +so quickly as you do, and besides I have to go home first for the +cakes." + +So saying the sisters separated; and Miss Wodehouse took her gentle +way to the doctor's house, where everything had been brightened up, and +where Freddy waited the return of his chosen guardians. It was still the +new quarter of Carlingford, a region of half-built streets, vulgar new +roads, and heaps of desolate brick and mortar. If the doctor had ever +hoped to succeed Dr Marjoribanks in his bowery retirement in Grange +Lane, that hope nowadays had receded into the darkest distance. The +little surgery round the corner still shed twinkles of red and blue +light across that desolate triangle of unbuilt ground upon the other +corner houses where dwelt people unknown to society in Carlingford, and +still Dr Rider consented to call himself M.R.C.S., and cultivate the +patients who were afraid of a physician. Miss Wodehouse went in at the +invitation of Mary to see the little drawing-room which the master of +the house had provided for his wife. It had been only an unfurnished +room in Dr Rider's bachelor days, and looked out upon nothing better +than these same new streets--the vulgar suburb which Carlingford +disowned. Miss Wodehouse lingered at the window with a little sigh over +the perversity of circumstances. If Miss Marjoribanks had only been +Nettie, or Nettie Miss Marjoribanks! If not only love and happiness, but +the old doctor's practice and savings, could but have been brought to +heap up the measure of the young doctor's good-fortune! What a pity that +one cannot have everything! The friendly visitor said so with a real +sigh as she went down-stairs after her inspection. If the young people +had but been settling in Grange Lane, in good society, and with Dr +Marjoribanks's practice, this marriage would have been perfection +indeed! + +But when the doctor brought Nettie home, and set her in that easy-chair +which her image had possessed so long, he saw few drawbacks at that moment +to the felicity of his lot. If there was one particular in which his sky +threatened clouds, it was not the want of Dr Marjoribanks's practice, +but the presence of that little interloper, whom the doctor in his +heart was apt to call by uncomplimentary names, and did not regard with +unmixed favour. But when Susan and her Australian were fairly gone, and +all fear of any invasion of the other imps--which Dr Rider inly dreaded +up to the last moment--was over, Freddy grew more and more tolerable. +Where Fred once lay and dozed, and filled the doctor's house with heavy +fumes and discreditable gossip, a burden on his brother's reluctant +hospitality, little Freddy now obliterated that dismal memory with +prayers and slumbers of childhood; and where the discontented doctor had +grumbled many a night and day over that bare habitation of his, which +was a house, and not a home, Nettie diffused herself till the familiar +happiness became so much a part of his belongings that the doctor +learned to grumble once more at the womanish accessories which he had +once missed so bitterly. And the little wayward heroine who, by dint +of hard labour and sacrifice, had triumphantly had her own way in St +Roque's Cottage, loved her own way still in the new house, and had it as +often as was good for her. But so far as this narrator knows, nothing +calling for special record has since appeared in the history of the +doctor's family, thus reorganised under happier auspices, and discharging +its duties, social and otherwise, though not exactly in society, to the +satisfaction and approval of the observant population of Carlingford. + + +THE END. + +PRINTED BY WILLIAM BLACKWOOD AND SONS, EDINBURGH. + + + + +TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE + + Contemporary spellings have been retained even when inconsistent or + unusual. A small number of obvious typographical errors have been + corrected, and missing punctuation has been silently added + + The following additional changes have been made: + + looked after the salvage man looked after the _savage_ man + + curiosity about that salvage man curiosity about that _savage_ man + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's The Doctor's Family, by Mrs. (Margaret) Oliphant + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE DOCTOR'S FAMILY *** + +***** This file should be named 29890.txt or 29890.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/9/8/9/29890/ + +Produced by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Canada Team at http://www.pgdpcanada.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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